Painkiller Already - PKA 531 w Dick Masterson - Taylor's Basement Floods, Picking Our Tattoos, Time Travel Hypotheticals

Episode Date: February 23, 2021

Painkiller already Episode 531 Top tier guest Dick Masterson Taylor What's up you guys This episode of PK is brought to you by Goat.com And Postmates two wonderful sponsors Also brought to you by my Twitch stream

Taylor Merck on Twitch Check out that link below go give me a follow It reflects really well How much are you paying us this week Taylor for that ad spot No it's back into my I paid myself Oh shit I'm very confused How much are you paying us this week, Taylor, for that ad spot? No, it's back into my... I paid myself. Oh, shit. I'm very confused. I'm like, see, like...

We all know the more you guys follow those links, the better it makes us look. So when you follow me on Twitch, it really makes the show look good. So... Follow Taylor on Twitch. Is that something your wife's making you do now Taylor that you're engaged I heard you're

engaged is that still happening it is still now honey you've got to acquire yourself in there Taylor yeah she's not his wife she is his ex-girlfriend we refer to her as that okay good always look on the bright side yeah and so She's not his wife. She is his ex-girlfriend. We refer to her as that. Oh, okay, good.

Always look on the bright side. Yeah, and so, yep, she basically said you have to amp it up on Twitch because she has expensive taste, right? That's how good married is. So, I saw the response, the initial response from Dick.

Someone in your Twitch stream was like, hey, Taylor got engaged and you're like, oh, don't bring the whole mood down. Taylor, what do you do? Don't make these kinds of decisions during lockdown. We've all had a rough year, man. Give it a few more months. You can live again. You can live again, Taylor,

but it was too late. I have a hotline set up for this kind of thing. I'm surprised you didn't call it. Yeah, I'm worried about, I'm worried I might be getting married any day now, Dick. I'm thinking a lot of crazy things. I'm looking at rings online. She's starting not to annoy me with every single thing she says. I think I'm going to do it, and I talk you off the ledge.

That's a service I provide for free. Well, God damn it. I wish you'd been there. I really wish you did that on Twitch. That sounds like good content. Yeah. I go, sir, I wish you'd been I really wish you did that on Twitch. That sounds like good content. Yeah. I go, sir, just go to the fridge and tell me how many bottles do

not have their caps on. Do you want to live with that for the rest of your life, sir? Go around your house. How many drawers are open right now? Go to your laundry hamper. Go find the shorts, the gym shorts that you took off yesterday that are still good to wear today,

and you'll find that they're not there. That's true. Because she took them and put them in the hamper. Do you want to live with that for the rest of your life, sir? No. Just say no. And the flagrant non-use of clip chips. Just letting it.

You can't roll the chip back up. They're going bad. What, are you trying to tell me I don't need access to chips 24-7? Is this some sort of fly hint that I'm fat? You read deep into that one, Taylor. I know.

I guess I missed out. I needed Dick's service. My condolences to you. So you'll never get caught up in the trap. You'll never get crept up. I mean, maybe if all my Bitcoin goes to zero, then I'll think about it. But no, not until then.

Are you killing it on Bitcoin, Dick? Woody, aren't we all? Are you not in crypto, man? Are you in a rocket ship to shipping to the moon oh hell no 30 000 in doge my it's so great every day i get like uh every day i get a check-in from my dad a cup check like hey did you see bitcoin today and now every day i'm like oh waiting for that text from him going oh i know you mother i know you're looking at Bitcoin today, dad. When's that text going to come? Oh, did he used to mock you with it? Or is he also? Oh, OK. Really? He used to be super fun. He used to say, oh, it's tulips. It's tulips. You don't

know what you're doing. So I bought my mom forty dollars of Bitcoin like like four years ago, just so she has it and checks it every day so that my dad, when she's checking it, my dad knows that he can he could have added three zeros onto that. And he can just like sit in the anger of having, you know what I mean? Like he's like, oh, my Bitcoin's up to two hundred dollars. And I know him. I know he's like, yeah, you're thinking that should be two hundred thousand, right? That's three. Fuck you, Dick's dad. You didn didn't even know you didn't know about this brand new obscure type of currency that's what you get uh anyway sorry i kind of hijacked your

intro sorry about no no no no we were we filtered dude bitcoin like i wish the best for it i have no animosity towards bitcoin but i handle it like any other investment, which is to say, if I don't fully understand it, I'm not in. And so that's why I'm not in Bitcoin. I'm also not in a bunch of stocks that like I don't get, I don't, I don't, I don't understand the business model. I don't know what would drive it to go up or down. I stay away. And that's where I am on Bitcoin. I saw something kind of cool with Bitcoin today where it's like apparently nigeria like made it illegal to trade that anymore and immediately bitcoin went up to like 78 000 in nigeria and so it's just it was crazy it's like wow the government like stepped in to shut down the trade event and immediately 48 increase so so does it kill the supply and then the equation the balance just went supply right

well i'm trying to I'm using supply and demand to understand why the price would have gone so high. I don't know. I don't know why that happened. Yeah, maybe the supply and demand is a bit higher. Before they shut down their local exchanges, they might just say like, oh shit, I need to stock up on Bitcoin.

Because you can never shut down the trading. Like no matter what, you know, there's Bitcoin satellites. But the ease of use of swapping your what was it zimbabwe your zimbabwe nigeria yeah nigerina your nigerinos the ease of the nigerinos that's right yeah it's you know bitcoin is uh it's uh it's it's a hedge against the government just printing infinity money like it's on the first on the very first block of bitcoin they they put the new york times headline like government prints zillions of dollars uh i mean that's that's the simplest version i don't know it makes sense if you were an attractive woman woody i would i would explain

it to you for hours right now yeah right that's good enough you'd be like that meme where the guys at the like the baseball game he's got his arm around the woman he's like because i got the back of her head and he's like explaining the fuck out of rbis there's nothing better just you got a woman trapped and you're gonna berate her with this shit that you care about everybody gives that that guy shit, but I bet in reality, that guy is giving her a chiropractic fucking adjustment while explaining to her that her T4 is out of alignment

or something actually slick. Because if you look at her face, she is very much into every bit of what's happening. Or she's scared. Or she's a great actress and she's fucking terrified he's saying you smile for the cameras you smile for that fucking kiss cam don't you make another god damn scene

at a fucking Mets game this is my alibi for what's going to go down in about two hours you know and yeah that was an old photo I have a question for Dick, Dick do you have any tattoos? you do right? yeah i got one of my ass oh well don't show me that one yeah definitely don't show that one and paste it in the discord

oh yeah you could drunk show i'll probably get it out but uh yeah what do you have on your ass it's a one-up mushroom uh oh that's actually a cool tattoo thank you? It's a one-up mushroom. Oh, that's actually a cool tattoo. Thank you. I was wearing a one-up mushroom on my T-shirt, and I went to Amsterdam and saw a tattoo parlor. I was like, yeah, hey, can you put this on my ass? They thought it was a mistranslation thing, but then they did it. How'd it come out?

Do you like it? Forgive us. Our English isn't as spectacular as yours you want us to put this on your ass of course oh you did okay all right like you know it's a little big to be honest like i feel like a girl with like oversized nipples like it could be a little smaller but did they draw it first right isn't that what they do they draw it you approve it and then you just um i should have taken a second look at it but uh it's you know yes i didn't want to be that guy who's like always

thinking about wanting the perfect tattoo and so i'm like 80 years old like gosh if only i could have thought of that perfect tattoo to get um That's because one, that's me. Two, one of these fears I have is that I'll be like, hey, I want this on my shoulder. All right, whatevs. And then I see it and I'm like, it's like 97% what I want. I'm out of here.

Until you nail this thing that I'm not describing well, then I'm going to keep walking. Am I going to feel peer pressure to say good enough? What's your top three tattoos? What comes to mind? Clear your mind, Woody. Think what comes to mind when you think of your arm. I'm going to show one that i think is similar

there's that one you can get on your forearm where it looks like your hand is actually mario's hand or donkey kong's hand throwing a punch that's kind of neat so i like this one for woody um i was looking at i was preparing for this topic earlier today and i found this one and uh and then i found another one and then I found another one that I'm having a hard time actually pulling back up because I was on my phone at the time. That's a pretty good one

for Woody's interests. Yeah, it's the paramotor thing. And then there's another one where it's on the guy's like upper chest, like below the collarbone and it's very small. I actually like the one you picked out kyle it's so that it's a little big though the the the other one is like under very understated what is the isn't there a term like the evolution of man right that's that's what a play on that yeah it's that whole evolution of man thing and you know he's evolving to a paramotor man

um the other one is like very understated and it's like it's like a couple of mountain peaks and then a guy like flying a paramotor and it's like right here like below the collarbone and above sort of the pec and it's like small it's mostly outline. But I can't fuck. Me too. I saw a small, mostly outline paragliding tattoo. It was only a couple of lines, but you could clearly see what it is. And I wish I could find it again. Yeah, I'm going to keep looking. Because I liked that when I was like, ah, Woody would like this.

I might be able to sell Woody on a tattoo. Woody, what if it's like a dandelion and being blown, and then the blowing is just turning it into a bunch of monkeys paragliding? I found it. I like that. I like that. That's really detailed. Yeah.

It's a pretty big chess piece to become a flock of monkeys on Paranormal. Yeah. You get like 40% through and you're like, well, this just isn't what I imagined. Peel it back. All right, so there it is. That's the one I was talking about. This is pretty cool too.

So like super understated. It's not some big ridiculous thing. But it looks more like a base jumper. Like you can't tell it's a Paramotor guy. It's true. It is very small. I also flyotor guy. It's true. It is very small. I also fly without the motor.

That's true. He does all sorts of para activities. Para insanity. I make a lot of bad decisions. I was thinking about getting a tattoo, and I was looking at a bunch of stuff. I sent some of the stuff I was interested in to some of my friends, and they all laughed at me quite loudly through text tell me what you want to get you haven't told me

no I bet it's really good I'm gonna put it I'm gonna I'm gonna post a cup so look this isn't like what I want to get this is like hey I like this something like this something in the world of this in the realm of this and your bets realm of this? Edging your bets already. This is going to be good. All right. What do you want to have? All right. So I'm posting some of the...

Wait. Who posted this? I am. I'm posting them. I'm sending them from my phone. Okay. Oh, my. That's big.

They're all big. Yes. These are not small tattoos. Are you sure that forearm one, you're not just liking right now because we're so into Total War Warhammer 2 at the moment? It has nothing to do with Total War Warhammer. Those emblems look like Total War Warhammer shit. Those are like Celtic stuff or something.

Yeah, it's Viking. Yeah, it's Norse shit. It's Northern European shit. I think that the triangle thing is like like uh i can't i don't remember the word it's a nuker kusk or something it's like a odin's knot or some shit you gotta pretend to know what that shit means yeah i mean i i'd memorize it before i drew it on my body forever right it looks cool test your off the fly lie what's what's what are those three triangles mean together oh it's a swastika i think it's something about the continuation between life and

death or something like that the life death cycle i mean i buy it i think it's called an odin's knot but there's like another word for it that's like the norse word that's like a ends with a k no it's like a it's a ludkosk or something like that i don't remember what it actually is i like i like the way uh they look with each other, though. The trees at least look neat juxtaposed. The black trees and then the white trees are like the black shading. It looks really well done. I like the ravens.

It does look really well done. I don't love all of that, like, I don't know. I got to say the feathers on the other side i hate that that's that's not cool yeah i don't like the one on his his left but image right i feel like it's like like they he was like i want this done fast give me your best artist to do my right arm and your third best artist to do my left arm go and it was like neither one of i mean just the feather thing so wait which one do you like the one like using the image you like the left of the image ah so all right oh yeah triangle we're looking at the one that has the ravens on the guy's forearms i like

the one with the triangles it's image left yeah it's the it's the individual's right uh but um but for us it's on the left i like that one much more than the one on the on's right. But for us, it's on the left. I like that one much more than the one on the right. I feel like it's more detailed. It's just better done overall. I don't know what all that mist or smoke around the raven on the right one is, but it looks like shit.

Yeah, it looks like smell lines. The one on the right is interesting to me in that it's done in the negative. A lot of the trees are just the absence of ink i'm okay with that part of it i don't like i feel like the bird just looks shitty especially when you've got a better bird to compare it to on your opposite arm i do see and and even the symbol like like the symbol is drawn to like i guess look like a chalk like a charcoal drawing on like a cave wall or something because it's all like shitty yeah yeah whereas the one that left smudgy one it's like a man like it feels like the it feels like the under or the upside down world like this devil bird compared

to this real life one yeah i agree for kyle the holy and the unholy, the two wolves that live inside him. Yeah, that's fine. I just think this shit fucking looks cool. Meet the lightness and the darkness coming for you. Yeah, I actually named Romulus and Remus. I'm really into ancient Rome. I'm just going to get into more and more obscure nonsense. But something very important is there's only one sleeve. One sleeve.

Some people go with double sleeve all the time. I have a friend very good shape did like amateur mma stuff sprinted into the two full sleeve decision like you can't come back from that like if anything you want to get huge you want to get yoked like and that's you know that's when tattoos look the best when you're huge have one arm i'll tat it up leave the other one point of comparison whoa that, that guy's shredded. Not like the Joe Rogan. Just you begin to look dirty.

Look, you know, that's how his sleeves look like. They just look kind of shitty and dirty. He looks, he looks dirty. They're blurred together. There's too much shit going on.

Keep it. If you're going to get one, stick to one arm. I also like the, so I don't really like the tattoo that has like viddy written on the bottom of it. Like I don't know what viddy means in I'm assuming Latin. But I don't love that. I don't like that it's got like that wrist cuff thing going on.

I do like the bottom one. I guess what I really like is the idea of the wings on the forearms. The feathers or whatever. What makes you like the feather thing like i don't know there's so much cooler stuff you could do well i'm open to suggestions here i haven't like i haven't done anything make it like uh like plate mail like full plate mail dude there's wearing a gauntlet on here let me show you that right a gauntlet like the one i impulse bought off amazon just like that yeah let me show you the one that's that's pretty similar to what you're describing that looks i don't know insanely well done i think actually this isn't it but it's

like a close enough um this one's got a star of david i don't need that i can't rep that no that would be the end you show that guy that one thing and then for the rest of your life you just you pretend to be jewish to back backwards rationalize the star david like like to be clear i don't i don't like this i wouldn't this, but I just think it's really well done. It does look kind of cool to see on someone else. Yeah, I don't want that, though. It is well done, though. It almost looks like armor.

It almost looks real. Yeah, maybe that's a better phrasing. That's neat. I'm looking at good tattoo ideas for men you could get a compass on your chest no chest tattoos I don't want it on my arms definitely like your arms you want to show because whatever you get you're gonna have to show it off that's why I got my ass just just always out there and i'll get it and i just want like what can you get on your testicles to like yeah i feel like that's gonna be a fashion statement

in the future you're gonna we're just gonna hang those bad boys out and have a little testy cleavage oh that's like not the whole ball but you'll just dangle like that top part of the ball that's that's sort of stretched out and got a little loose skin going on like like maybe maybe tattoo that so it looks like flowing drapes or something like that a little bow tie oh yeah dude that would be so painful to get your nutsack i was just looking at tattoo ideas because they gotta like stretch it out flat on some sort of they're like they put it on like a like you know how a canvas has like some sort of they're like they put it on like a you know how a canvas has like stretches things flat they're like stretching it as it pulls your

scrotum into this flat square piece of skin yeah I wouldn't like that and it wouldn't look good it'd be like it'd be like reverse aging it the second you took it off and your nutsack went back to saggy you could get the name

of someone who died that's funny that that's on this list where you could put like samuel yeah i put put the date that i'm gonna get married on there yeah why not this is the date i'll stop having fun oh there's gonna be dicks forever now i'm getting married i should have been better i'm gonna i'm gonna have to back out just to survive with dick on the show no but i like the idea of having it on my forearm either on the back or the front you know i don't care if it's on the inside of the forearm or the outside i guess i should get the name of your greatest enemy and then a future date maybe not that either maybe maybe no death threats on my arms you know maybe you're right that's like that's the worst kind of evidence it's on you can you imagine being

in like a like an interrogation room and you're like sitting there like like i don't know what this is all about it's like well it's clearly got. Woodworth's name and an end date on your arm. That date happens to be today. Today. Now, there is an asterisk on this tattoo directing me to your ass, and it says this is a legally binding threat. It was the disclaimer that really hurt. Yeah, you're right.

Some of these are really stupid, like the minimalist ones. That wouldn't be, i was gonna get one i don't think i would go for that i'd go i think i'd go big or go home with the tattoo but i could easily be talked out of that because i i've really given zero thought to getting a tattoo yeah i got best friend tattoos that only link up when you're together like if you touch all your tips together it has like a drawing on it or something yeah it only works when we're docking it's two elephants kissing oh what's this one you liked so half a heart on your cock head and then line it up with someone else's oh what's this one you linked so this is just chevrons that would make me think someone's in the military

that's the fucking problem right like now I look like I'll take the stolen valor bit yeah I don't want a stolen valor tattoo because the problem like when you google chevron tattoos like occasionally like they'll have this google chevron tattoos like occasionally like they'll have this and then they'll have like the kernel thing underneath you know with like

the crossed weapons and i'm just like no not that not that just the the civilian chevrons that's what i want i don't want a stolen valor tattoo but i do like the way the chevrons look and there's a lot of iterations of like chevrons on forearms i'm just very into f0 i don't know anything about the army but this is a recharge tattoo it's so fucking hard so fucking hard to find anything like i see people who have like 15 tattoos and while they don't necessarily match they do sort of go together somehow and i'm just like ah that looks so freeing you've got like a similar color and some aren't and you'd like three different styles and well they all just seem to go together they just seem to work i don't think maybe

maybe you should pick each other's tattoos so you because you don't want to blame yourself like everybody here i'm glad you brought that up i i that's what i did i picked some tattoos for woody and i picked some tattoos for uh for taylor i found some really cool uh tattoos for taylor hell yeah kyle had good choices but i definitely want to pick my own tattoo i'm gonna commit sight unseen to taylor i hope you don't buy a tampon in your inner thigh that says slut. Is that okay? Because I got ideas for you. That's the worst tattoo.

I wish I could find the exact one because I found one that I was just like, you know, this isn't even a joke anymore. This is just a good tattoo. For yourself? For you. For me. Interesting.

What would it be? I don't want to spoil it by saying I just wish I could find it. Probably something Lord of the Rings-y. Oh, no. So there's a lot of good Lord of the Rings tattoos. There's some that are like the shards of Narsil that sort of blend into the white tree of Gondor. I love Lord of the rings tattoos there's some that are like the the shards of narsil that uh that sort of blend into the the white tree of gondor i love lord of the rings i love it i i do not want to commit to a lord of the rings tattoo i that is one of like that's on my top 10 of like considerations for tattoos it's the shards of narsil like those movies are great but like

every day for the rest of my life, thinking about that Ent from the Isengard. Do I want that? I don't know. I don't want you to get tree beard all the way across your back or anything with the hobbits in his carriage. I'd be

something cool. I'd be like, Marian Pippin sitting there, sunglasses, 420, long bottom leaf. Or Gimli just going, Salted Park! All excited about it. I saw a full Gandalf color tattoo that, again, I would never

fucking get, but it was like, oh my god, it's photorealistic. He's got Ian McKellen on his body for life and it was big oh my god it's photorealistic he's got he's just got ian mckellen on his body for life and it was big it was not like some like thing on the back of your wrist it was like his whole rib cage was ian mckellen smoking a pipe i've seen that i know exactly what you're talking about the excruciating detail to get that old wizard smoking a pipe on his his rib cage must have been just not worth it in the end.

And I saw one where it's him facing off with a Balrog. And that one. That's a pretty cool scene. But it wasn't like photorealistic. It was more abstract. So like the Balrog was mostly like, I don't know, almost looked like charcoal and fire. I don't know how to describe it exactly. It was very abstract, and it looked cool too, I thought.

I wish I could find the exact tattoo that I found last night that I was like, ooh, that would work for Taylor. But just for, I'm just going to pick one at this point. What do you think about every day, Taylor? Working out, your Twitch channel, you get your Twitch URL. What am I thinking about every day, Taylor? Working out, your Twitch channel, you get your Twitch URL. What do I think about every day? That's a good forehead tattoo. I think about my future tattoo options.

I think about my BMI. And recently. Just tattoo your BMI. With a Sharpie every day, you measure your BMImi is all right i'm doing this good today no still at nipple zone we've been hanging out there for years why'd i include the obesity portion in bright red on top of my chest looks like i have a rash i'm just full of shame am i the only one thinks bmi is pretty much bullshit like only if you're like super got a lot of muscle, right?

I think it is kind of bullshit. I think that body fat percentage is just a much better representation of what's going on. Because being big boned is fucking nonsense.

But some people are just fucking taller and wider. I i mean that is a thing like like some people have yeah there are people with more bone or just shaped differently and so it's like and of course people who have like an extra 10 pounds of muscle on their frame it's like you don't fit the bmi anymore maybe i so here's the scoop i have big legs they're almost they almost don't fit the rest of my body i've got strong legs and uh and i've got this like right wide i'm heavy i'm just heavy as fuck like and i don't look that strong on camera because my arms are not like they're not strong compared to the rest of me but like my core and my legs are very big and strong so i'm always

in the ob i have a visible undeniable four-pack at this point. And I'm, like, straight-up overweight in BMI. I'm just like, fuck this thing. Like, I don't know. It is a disheartening measure. Yeah. What'd you say, Dick? I said, let's see that four-pack, Woody.

I've thought about showing it, because I'm very proud of where I am right now. But I don't want to like, look, you can only do a reveal once and I don't want to get like 3% better and have them be like, which is the after picture? Well, you got to work on your lighting too. Like you can't just, you can't just bust your shirt up and do lightings all up in here. So it's funny. It was like two shows ago or something.

I was like, hypothetically, what would happen if i showed my four pack so i uh like no one's here i'm all by myself and i show it off i can see the obs and i'm like actually that would have been okay it would have worked out fine so it's not great lighting but i was like you i i've got myself through this like hate what'd you say i was saying we kyle and i have seen the photos. Like you're, you're, you're knocking on six pack more than, than you would, than you're letting on you are. You're getting close. Yeah. It's better since I've sent you pictures and, um, uh, I don't know, Dick knows I added a little muscle and I've dropped 21 pounds.

So, uh, it's a lot. Yeah. So anyway, but yeah, you can only do a reveal once. So I haven't done it yet. Poor Kyle and Taylor. They suffer through exactly what I talked about. Like, hey, look, I'm a half a percent better than last week. What do you think?

But I forgot how I even got on this topic but oh bmi yeah i yeah i'm straight up overweight in bmi wise and i think it's just like dude i'm in the danger zone yeah bm is not good oh yeah i haven't i haven't been able to work out in a few days now ever since... Oh, Kyle, is this the tattoo? Close enough. Close enough? I like the owl. I like the owl look. I thought you could get an owl.

Like, there's a much more understated owl. This is actually really good. That's cool, man. Like, you've got big arms. That would look pretty fucking good on you. Damn. I said sight unseen. I'll commit to one of these.

Dude, you got to get an owl. That's cool. Just a cool owl tat. Well, if it's sight unseen, then go with the next one I'm going to post. Is it the one that counts how many licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pops? Yeah, because that owl

is clutching a dozen penises, just like in the United States coat of arms, how it's got the arrows. That's still in valor. I'm pretending to be gay. I also like arrows, like arrow tattoos, like an arrow going down the forearm, like on the outside of the forearm.

I kind of like that. It doesn't mean fucking anything. I mean, I'm into archery, but it doesn't mean fucking anything. I don'm into archery but like it doesn't mean fucking anything i don't need a tattoo that's like oh yeah that's what you love that's that's your thing like like i want the opposite of that because my thing fucking changes every 18 months right like like what i'm gonna get like the fucking chemical composition of like marijuana or something like that like no it's fucking loser like someone out there has that

i know i'm literally attacking someone right now talk about bmi for a second my moment passed but i this is a picture oh i'll show you guys i think i do agree with you the bmi is mostly used by fat women to say how in shape they are. Like, oh, look, I'm perfectly healthy. Look at the chart. Like, no, I'm looking at you. I see. Believe me.

These are my legs. Right? Legs like this make you show up as very heavy on a BMI chart. That's me. That's your body? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a picture.

It wasn't even leg day. That's just like, that's what my legs look like quality calves and women hump your legs like do they jump on the screen and grind again look at this fucking muscle oh my god right so my bmi is really high and i feel like it's an unfair measure because it's like it's not all fat i i my legs don't if you were to look at my upper body you'd think i was really skinny but i if you were to look at my upper body you'd think i was really skinny but i'm just two people i'm an upper and lower person i'm different and i guess so so this is what this kind of thing is why i'm so heavy i'm just i'm a heavy person

see for me it's overeating for me it's been like uh like a few days ago i haven't even been able to work out this week because i had because of this fucking weather i had a pretty severe pipe burst in my basement and flooded my whole basement bunch of fucking disaster it's gonna be uh it's gonna be a good bit good bit of time to fix and everything the last couple days people been tearing stuff out and carrying it everybody was removing a bunch of drywall they removed an entire ceiling from a room like down there and like they plugged in like 12 industrial strength dehumidifiers and like even in my head i am not an electrician like i walked down there and saw and i'm like this

is dangerous like there should not be like nine of these to an outlet and like maybe with like as i'm thinking that it bursts a circuit and shuts down they've just left and so then i have to go and i don't know anything about that and i'm fucking around with the breakers and like trying to run on cords and stuff down there i have to leave those right it is it sounds like an airplane is taking off underneath me right now it is so goddamn they're running right now they're running right now they have two days yeah it's been two days a guy came out and checked today and was like the moisture meter is way too high we got to keep them running and so it'll be like 72 hours at the time tomorrow they come to check it is so fucking loud in my house it is 12 of these and the the way it is you know my stairs just go down into the couple basement rooms i have and i can't close those

doors i have to leave them open for some air circulation thing can I interrupt you did we set this up or am I create do people know that a pipe burst in your basement two days ago did we say that out loud I said that to begin yeah just that it burst basically uh the guy just showed me a picture of the pipe and was like ah here's the problem and It was like a pipe totally shorn in two just pouring stuff. I think it had only been going for a couple hours when I caught it. Thank God. A couple hours is horrible because it's enough time to ruin everything.

It's a couple thousand gallons at that point. I've dealt with this so many times. My dad's farm It's been stressing me out. My dad's farm and those's been stressing me out dude my dad's farm in those poultry houses there's like i don't want to exaggerate so let me quickly do the math in my head it's 5 10 15 20 times 6 um 500 2000 6 6 times 2000 is 12 000 everyone's being very respectful it's two and a half miles of pvc okay there's two and a half miles of PVC. Okay?

Two and a half miles of indoor PVC. Okay. And a lot of it is CPVC. And I'm not going to get into the details of the difference, but it gets brittle over time. And so that shit will just snap and break. And there's always strangers in there working who are rough with your equipment that are higher. I won't go into it, but there's people in there fucking working who don like rough with your equipment that are higher that i

won't go into it but there's people in there fucking working you don't give a fuck if they break something and you never know if they've cracked a thing and it's just almost about to fall apart and then like three weeks later pop and so so many floods i've seen in in indoors like this is the first 10 like 10 000 gallons and it sucks that it was in my fucking house but like it like just by happenstance at like 2 p.m i happen to be like oh i'm gonna check downstairs if i have something i went down there and i'm in my unfinished area i open and there's just water fucking all over the place not covered because it's a very very large unfinished area but it's like there's enough water in the lower leveling parts that I could go splash around like if I wanted to.

And like, you know, we're like you kick a really deep puddle and like you feel the amount of inertia of the water you're moving. It's spilling over the sides of your boot, too. Like it's that kind of not good. And I'm like, oh, well, this is this is bad news. And so I go to the finished part of my basement and I'm like, hopefully, you know, the finished part that has, you know, drywall and fucking my TV, my pool table, my sectional, all my shit. Maybe that's OK. And I walk in and it's like you ever seen the movie like the money trap? Like it looked like there was there was water pouring out of all the light fixtures. There was a center like there was a center area where like the vent vent was to like heat it and i was just one of the pouring out of that and i just was like oh sprinted turn around turn the water off

run upstairs grab a bunch of buckets start putting it under all of these light fixtures i call around uh to five or six different plumbing emergency companies it's minus four degrees in st louis at the time and so every one of them is like yeah we don't have any plumbers everybody's doing exactly what you're calling to do. Eventually I get through to someone and they come out and start getting moving. But like it was, it's going to take so much fucking time for them to fix all this shit. Just a pain in the ass. At least you have insurance though.

Can you imagine if this weren't insured? Because I don't know if they've given you an estimate, but just based on what you've described, I don't know if they've given you an estimate, but just based on what you've described, I think you've got like $15,000 to $20,000 for the damages. I would guess at least probably around $15,000. I want a Twitch donation goal where you're willing to walk downstairs and show off the damage. You should do that. For $1,000, I will go downstairs with my laptop and I will show everything someone would like

feel like using the floor plan of his house here's his address exactly so the way I would infiltrate Taylor's home for murder is alright I do see the flaws of these you can see here once you get him in this pool room there's no escape

there's no escape one way in one way out classic classic flaw it would go towards the deductible though i had never seen like that level of damage so fast we're like with it felt like the time from me turning off the water running upstairs grabbing the buckets then coming back down like pieces of the ceiling it just started like just bowing out at the the areas where they put the drywall together or the ceiling together whatever so fucking pain in the ass you've said that your house is very loud and i in my head all the humidifiers are in the basement am i right yeah so i i live in a ranch style house so like large upper floor and then basement there's not not two stories. And so like over on Wilkes street in St. Louis. And, uh, so basically like my, my living room, you come into my house, it's an open like feel to it. And you, you know, you go down the stairs and immediately a left,

you're in my finished area, right? You're in my gym unfinished area where I have my hockey shooting stuff now, because it's just an open stairway down there and both those doors have to be open. And in each of those rooms, there's six industrial sized dehumidifiers. I can hear it right now. I can hear the thrall, the right now through the wall, through the doors, down the stairs. I can, I was sitting with my, my, my ex-girlfriend on the couch last night. I love that. Yeah. last night trying to watch something. I love that. Yeah, we were trying to watch something, and she was like, I can't handle this. It is so loud in here. And something else that it did, it's dehumidifying the whole house.

So I got a nosebleed this morning. Wow. It's so dry in here, and it's still not doing anything. All my carpet was destroyed. There was one area of my carpet that like matched my stairs and i was like do you think we'll be able to save this like bottom patch so i don't have to try and match carpet and the guy's like i'll do my best bro and then the guy came out today and i asked him about it and was like there is i don't know who told you this was salvageable

uh probably the guy who comes on day one and gets your hopes up i'm the two guy unreal deal guy oh that's high hopes harry he probably told you you weren't gonna need new new walls too didn't he a big st louis blues fathead that i put up two weeks ago that my dad got me for christmas like i'll finally put that up not by the pool table and like the guy was like cutting out all the pieces of drywall and he like leaves that up there and he's like we'll see if we can we'll see if we can salvage this and i'm like i'm like what are you it's it's done it's done what is a fan like it's like a big like booze logo that sticks there on the wall or you can get them of different sports teams they look nice every sports team it's a big sticker you put on a

wall a giant sticker yeah yeah that goes on the wall usually popular yeah very popular and just the way this guy was like sawing around it and it's like dude first of all if i think i'm pretty sure if i have to peel this off i have to throw it away anyway second of all it that fat head is not going to provide the structural support needed to keep this wall in place like just so i have this side of ripping it all out and replace it is what i say i have this thing taylor like my welder has a very loud sound to it i bet it's not too far from the humidifier and it just increases my stress level like it i don't everything about it running makes me like i don't anxiety is not the right term but it's just it it weighs on me i hate it

and the second i flip that switch off it's like it's relaxation yeah does that happen are those humidifiers doing that to you they're stressing me out man yeah they are so goddamn loud i could hear when i was trying to sleep last night it's it is it's like you're it's like the sound of a jet beginning to turn on. Just down there. I can fucking hear it. I'm going to go out and try and watch an episode of The Expanse after this, and I won't be able to focus because I'll be annoyed, and then I'll overeat.

I had the exact same thing happen. My basement flooded, and all of the flooring had to be ripped up it was like five i don't even remember how much the flooring cost to begin with but it was hardwood flooring it was if you watch the the f the boot camp i did with wings that that hardwood floor that he's being like pulled that he's pulling jeremy across like that all had to be taken up and that what that hardwood was glued down to concrete so like these guys had to run like these giant like scrapers to like get under it and then prize it up and every time they prize the boards would just splinter into all these they would they wouldn't come up in like even sheets because like they were so glued down they were just splintering up. It was thousands of dollars just to get that done

and then running the dehumidifier for a long time, like a whole week. And I'd go down there like every couple of hours and dump out three or four gallons of water. It was just shocking how fast it was pulling moisture out of the air. Yeah, well, I believe they're drying it out. But even the area of carpet, it's dried out. Now it's just crispy and rotten. Yeah, it's ruined. moisture out of the air yeah well i believe they're drying it out but like even like the area of carpet it's dried out now it's just like crispy and rotten yeah it's ruined yeah it's

destroyed so do you have an eta on how much longer they're going to run uh the guy who came out today was like we're going to run it at least until tomorrow afternoon and so it's not forever like no at that point it'll just be like three straight days of it which is annoying but so what he mentioned what he mentioned how like the noise of his his welder was like this added stress where once it's off it's like oh now it's peaceful times are there any noises like that for you that it's like oh i really like having that that turned on that's the fan when i'm trying to sleep yeah like a fan what i had a uh i i thought i was going crazy uh at one point in i moved from hollywood which was just noise

all the time like helicopters while you're trying to sleep uh neighbors screaming beating the hell out of each other throwing their throwing their belongings down the stairs down the firewall um uh down the stairwell uh so i was used to it. And then I moved out here into the suburbs, into the country. And it was a huge adjustment getting used to listening to the blood, like go around in your skull while you're trying to sleep. You know, like that was what was keeping me up at night. Then I finally got used to it. And then one day I just started hearing this this uh this high

pitch like sound and i thought it was tinnitus because i've always dealt i've always dealt with that a little bit we'll come and go it's always the same key uh i got it from playing music all my life like just being really close to the piano shredding your eardrums whatever like i know i know how i got it uh and i thought it was that forever and i thought okay well i just have i just have tinnitus now and i'm gonna kill myself in a couple years like no no no problem i hope to see some enemies die before then but if not no big deal i deserve it um and then one day like after weeks of this i just snapped and started tearing out everything every electronic thing in my house tvs speakers everything phone i'm prying like things open to pull the batteries out of it and i get through can i get half through the kit go

ahead was it a charging device bro it was a fuck it was an electric kettle it was an electric like tea that i don't drink i don't drink it it was an old that was that it wasn't even on it was just plugged in wedged behind my popcorn maker uh i don't know why i don't know why it was permanently plugged in for her sleepy time tea that she got to help me sleep. I unplugged it. I unplugged it and it felt like when I unplugged it, it felt like the big bang was happening in my brain. There was absolutely nothing. It was like,

oh my god, it's gone. That one, and still to this day, she'll leave it plugged in and I'll feel myself start going a little bit insane, like getting a little bit twitchy. And I'm like, no, no, it's the water. It's the kettle.

It's the kettle. I don't care. I'm going to walk over there. The closer I get, sure enough, like finding this E sound. It's so hard to explain how impossible it was to locate. Does she not notice? No. Oh, so every time I talked about it,

she's like, I don't hear anything. I'm like, no, you don't. I don't know if I, and it hurts. It hurt my ear a little bit because, like I assume because of the tinnitus damage, it would always make me go like, I can't. And I don't know about you guys, but like I can hear that frequency

that they play out front of 7-Eleven to get kids to stop hanging around there. Like, do you know that frequency? I can out front of seven 11 to get kids to stop hanging around there. Like, do you know that? That frequency I can, when there's, when it's going, I feel like sick.

And it was like that same, it was like, I built in that thing that makes kids sick in my house. It was the best feeling I can, they can build, they can wake 7. A.M. Start running the bandsaws next door,

build that balcony yeah don't care i'll just tune it out but that for for weeks for weeks it was it was maddening um it was my telltale heart but it's gone now and i kept the kettle for some reason i don't know why i even kept it i should have just thrown it away it's like 15 on amazon i don't know why i did this this is the rant of a man who is not on the verge of a proposal. Oh, what? Yeah. Maybe some of that sleepy time tea could do you good.

That is a good line. I like it. You just added one more year onto the dating with that one. Dick, I have a musician question. Yeah. So I have a musician question. Yeah. So I have seen musicians, even like super famous musicians, wear hearing protection while they play music.

But when I wear hearing protection, it doesn't do all the, what I'll call the notes, you know, of my life at the same rate. Like maybe it's a little better killing bass or a little better killing treble. Does wearing hearing protection,

like mess you up as a musician? There you can buy special hearing protection that that's supposed to dampen out everything equally. They're custom made ear protection. Like the expensive guys, you know, the famous guys will do that. They're custom made.

I think they're electric. I don't know. I've never used them for for me my right the right my right ear is just destroyed my left ear is okay but because the right end the right ear is next to all the high keys so they're just um it's just ruined but i hear i hear good things about the the special custom ear protection how expensive is expensive is it it like $100 or seriously expensive? It probably is because when I heard about it, I was like 20-something. So I'm sure if I looked at it, I'd be like, are you fucking stupid?

You've ruined your ears over $100? Good job. At the time, though, it was worth it. Yeah, $100. That's like two weeks of beer. Kyle, do not get wings on your calves. I think that's for Woody. I wish you get that exact one.

Woody, absolutely do not bastardize those beautiful calves with ink. I don't know. Daddy's Princess is pretty appealing. You can't tell me what to do. Oh, I didn't even notice Daddy's Princess. I think Kyle just was looking for calf tattoos. What did you say, Taylor? I talked over you.

Daddy's Princess and wings. It's kind of disjointed. What do you mean? Get those calves on your arm. That's what I should do. Get a back shot of your legs kind of crossed. Get that on your arms put winter gloves

on your feet yeah whoop that appling on his bicep I should get a tattoo of better arms on my arms so that they match my legs

I want you to make me but like thinner right tattoo me thinner that would be a good technology and you know what a great technology is when like uh what is liposuction can just be in a booth like real quick in and out why and if it can be used as a way to like mitigate lack of discipline instead of like get letting yourself gets like my 600 pound life status and then having to you know get back down and then get to because you you know i wouldn't want to have to i wouldn't want to get to 400 pounds and then get liposuction i'd want to be like every time i gained three pounds just knock that nip it in the bud boom you know

i'll pay 200 for that i need to lay up on a word here arthroscopic surgery did i get that right maybe yeah uh okay well there's a kind of there's open surgery where they put a big cut in you and then they have lots of room to operate and then there's i think it's arthroscopic or something very close to that where they basically put a small hole in you and then they operate through a tube. And if it goes well, then your recovery is much easier. You don't have a giant scar. It's just less invasive on you. Is it liposuction like that?

Don't they just go through the belly button and go all over? Why is it so hard to recover from? I don know i think i think you get bruised to shit like have you ever seen a video of a person doing liposuction like you imagine that like that your skin is kind of like a plastic bag that you could like stab it through your skin again but these this guy's just going hard like in out in out scraping poking you can see like the sharp point sticking through uh like it would almost come through like people who stick that knife in their cheek it's really really gross i watched but it's less gross than being as fat as they are i watched a tv show and the guy needed to lose 20 pounds right maybe you need to lose 30 and and they

lipoed like 20 pounds out of him. And it was brutal. It like his recovery was terrible. It hurt a lot. It was like a non-social recovery for a bit. Meaning like, it was like, you wouldn't, you wouldn't want to show what he looked like.

And, and you know, it, it was awful. And he totally regretted having it done. Even when it was all said and done he's like the 10 weeks of recovery is way worse than 10 weeks of weight loss and in 10 weeks of weight loss i could have lost nearly 20 pounds too that's aggressive but somehow that burned into my head

like oh lipo is not a great option you know like if you're aggressive how many how much weight can you lose in 10 in 10 weeks 20 pounds i don't think it's crazy yeah there's 20 pounds you know even if we're 15 um like that's that's a lot and it's if it's less brutal than lipo and it comes with some lifestyle adjustments that make it more permanent it just seems like the way to go lipo seems bad i don't think you're gonna look good if you compare working out like a maniac for 10 weeks versus recovery from lipo where they just randomly scrape fat off the inside like you're gonna look all lumpy and weird right especially with that small that's a good point yeah it not only is it more expensive

there yet this is a this is a pretend future version of it once they've got the kinks out and they can do something maybe utilizing the power of cold or ions get rid of a mattress not you know how you know when those air mattresses like they have that big screw-in thing and then a tinier thing that you stick to the nozzle? I want the big one right on my stomach so when I gorge myself, like when I get a little drunk, or I just eat two bowls of popcorn, I can pop that thing open and just go, like when a mattress and just explode all the food out. That's so much of a better idea.

Yeah. You're getting all the pleasure and you're knowing even as you're eating your treats, there's no guilt. I'll just pop off my mattress, seal stomach, you know, kind of bend over the,

I have to do it in the bath, you know, squeeze myself out like a toothpaste tube. My, my stomach is right here. They have that for colostomy bags, right? Like people in a wheelchair,

they have a bag for their colon where they can just pull the shit out, just cut it, do it sooner in the stomach so I can just pull it right out of there. My friend has cystic fibrosis. And one of the impacts of cystic fibrosis is you have phlegm everywhere. It fucks up your reproductive system. It fucks up your respiratory system. But it fucks up your digestive system, but it fucks up your digestive system. So he can eat anything. He can drink anything.

His diet is for shit, but he just doesn't absorb. He doesn't turn food into fat like you and I do. This guy needs like 4,000 calories a day or he starves. His digestive system is inefficient. And he's like, he's always telling me no you don't want this and i'm like i think i do i think i do it sounds great you have abs and you're like 40 something and you're not even trying like yeah but i'm in my final lap like he got new lungs he almost died and um yeah he maybe eight years ago yeah he got a double lung transplant this guy's totally

badass i actually i don't i talked to him a little bit like on facebook but um i looked him up he's been on like a bunch of cystic fibrosis podcasts and stuff they did a tv show about him and uh he'd be like he's he'd be out there playing tennis but he's wearing a backpack with oxygen tanks in it and with a line under his nose and stuff. And he's still grateful to all of the opponents that put up with his bad play, which I thought was cool. He wasn't winning.

He was good in high school, but how that translates into men's league, I don't know. But anyway, when you get new lungs, your lungs don't have cystic fibrosis. So like for the rest of his – I always thought like they'll get infected or something. But no, for the rest of his life, he will not have respiratory issues anymore. He's got the rest. But the new lungs he bought, they're not infected.

Does he have a stack cranking on what he wants replaced oh that would be a great question like all right you know liver's starting to get shitty replace that boom now perfect liver kidneys starting to like whatever the next thing i i guess he would never the ultimate goal for him would be to replace everything but the digestive tract so then he's healthy and he can eat whatever he wants. I don't know. I'm looking at this through the Kyle lens. So his T levels and everything are completely fine, but the something, I think sperm delivery is all clogged up.

So he actually has twins, but to get them, they put a needle in his testicles, extracted the sperm, and then put them in his wife. So that's not ideal, but he doesn't need condoms. Why would they need to pull it out of his balls instead of just taking it out of a cup he came in? It doesn't get delivered that way. It's clogged up. Huh. So something about from the balls to the tip of the dick, something goes awry, so they have to get it before

the... Interesting. I didn't know that. Yeah. Has he tried wiggling his dick? It's like a king's hoe. Just have you tried pulling on your testicles and your dick straight out of it? But yeah, infertility is a cystic fibrosis um byproduct did they let him put it in his wife i might want to no it was an office procedure i mean of course he can have sex but that's not

how he makes babies to watch i don't know I picture like a Get the no not the man Get the girl doctor to do it if they're gonna do it I pictured more of a French maid outfit What the fuck is this doctor's thing It's not my kink Cut those tits out I'm no happier about this Than you doctor kink. Cut those tits out.

I'm no happier about this than you, doctor. Kyle, are you still looking at tattoos? What are you so invested in? Tattoos. No, I'm looking at something else. Okay. More wings for calves. Yes, calf tattoos for wings.

More cool owls for me. Are these all like tribute for wings, your former host? Is that everybody's going to get a wings-related tattoo? No, the owl would be people say I've looked like one for a long time. I don't know why that's true, but it is. I don't know what my animal is. Maybe leave a comment, everyone. But Taylor's is owl.

It is. We all know it is. Before anyone else said it, I already thought it. Yeah, my head's unbelievably round. Dude, there are videos I posted on YouTube in like 2011. And it's like, comment 11 years ago. You look like a fucking owl, dude. Do owls have this peaked eyebrow?

Yeah. It's the peaked eyebrow and the, uh, the wide face and the fact that my eyebrows go up a little, like a horned owl, the apex at night. That's exactly what it is. Yeah.

That's what I'd get. I'd get a, I wouldn't get a type of owl. I just get, what's this one? Just a neat artistic owl? A little more realistic than that. That one looks more like Wicker.

I don't like it. The shape is good. Are you seeing something I'm not? It's too scrolled up. Oh, the one he linked previously. I'm showing everyone what horned owls look like. They're pretty cool. They pretty look like you. I pretty cool. They look like you.

I don't know how to say it. I just see it. Here's the owl tent. Least concern. I feel like I'm all talk, but I mean, if we go on Colorado vacations and all get tattoos

together, all talk but i mean if we go on colorado vacations and all get tattoos together jackie will not like it but what's she gonna oh speaking of color yeah i was talking to a few guys a couple days ago so i think um uh what we're talking about doing um and this is completely independent of anything that youtube might want to do so don't feel obligated obviously i don't know why you would, but anyway, uh, I was thinking like the first week that I'm out of probation,

I think we're going to rent a really big house and, uh, it'll be like a group of guys. Like, um, there's two or three or four guys from the $50 patron, uh, discord that,

uh, I've invited and, um, Chiz and, uh, scum and, uh,irty and a few other guys. We're going to get a really big house in Colorado, like a six, seven bedroom. Because you can get like essentially a mansion for, I don't know, roughly $500 to $1,000 a night.

But when you split that six ways, it's not so bad to do like a week-long vacation. And you're staying in like, I mean, really impressive mansions. Show those pictures. Like the kitchen in that place, that would be fun to cook in. Yeah. One of them had a kitchen, like a restaurant, like the way the ovens were and like the prep tables and everything.

And one of them had a pool that's bigger than my house with like three attached hot tubs. One of them's up on a mountaintop with like these ridiculous views and it's near some sort of ski resort. In any case, like the idea is that we'll do like a group thing for like a week you know with like like i said somewhere between five and ten guys depending on how many people want to go you're obviously both invited but you know if you don't want to come it's not a big deal with that many people it'd be a guarantee that someone would go skiing with me yeah yeah absolutely like like someone will go it's october though is skiing though is skiing is it it's the wrong month I know here in Georgia they spray the fake

snow like in the North Georgia mountains here where we have like there's a ski resort up there they just spray fake snow the east coast is like mostly they call it man-made snow but it does have to be cold and it's an investment for them so they don't want to blow it if it's

inclined to get warm again good point well luckily for you i'm staying for at least five weeks um because i'm gonna do a week with them where we all like split this big place but i'm like just so you know boys i'm not going home after the week's up i'm gonna move to a a different place and however many of you want to come with me like we can work that out i know chiz will I'm not going home after the week's up. I'm going to move to a different place. And however many of you want to come with me, like we can work that out. I know Chiz will. Chiz is always down for like a,

how long do you want to stay? Three, four months, something like that. Cool. All right. All right. So like, like I'm going to get a more like reasonably priced, like monthly rental and do like a month after the first week at a place

that's like... When you do monthly rentals on Airbnb, it's much cheaper than going night to night. I never knew that in the past because I've never stayed for that long. If you do night to night, then a $250 to $350 a night

place is okay. That'll work. That'll do. It's not a mansion is okay it's like all right that'll work that'll do it's it's not a mansion but it's got everything i need and it's comfortable and the tv is a decent a decent size good internet etc but when you go monthly all of a sudden 200 a night is insane like six grand a month it is six grand so like that so most of ones that I'm looking at for like a monthly rental, it's like two grand a month or 2,200 a month, something like that, like in that price range. And still like, like for, for 2,500 a month, you're getting about the same amount of places you normally get when you go nightly for two 50, 300. It's, it's like a two to three bedroom

with nice appliances, good internet, a nice big TV, a decent living room. And you're not in like some scary ass neighborhood. I don't even know that there are scary neighborhoods in Colorado. I wonder why that is. So I'll finish my thought. I want to go on this trip. I'm excited about it. I have a request that I'm not sure if it makes me an asshole.

Go ahead, Andrew. I want my own room. Of course. I will pay. If two people would have fit in that room, I'll pay double. That's a thing. But I sleep with the CPAP, and I want my own room. Look, I want my own room too.

And that's one of the things I was saying to the guys when we were looking at potential houses. I'm like, look, boys, this one happens to have like four king size beds and then two extra bedrooms, each of which have double beds in them. Now, look, I'm going to have one of those king size beds. If we pick this place, one of those is mine. Now, if there are four of you who are OK paying full price for a shared room, that's your decision.

But speak up now if you're not and we'll just find a place that has rooms with full-size beds that's why like i'm leaning toward this one place in particular that has i think six king bedrooms like like individual bedrooms three living rooms and like uh um like like a downstairs game room like that i know i'm on I want to sign with Woody as well. I do not want to share a room. Yeah, everybody wants their own fucking room. I go one step further. I want my own bathroom.

I want my own house across the way. Yeah. I want you guys to stay over there. Your party is bigger as the real fun party is happening at Taylor's house tonight. And everyone but Kyle is invited. Three weed over here, guys.

I heard dominoes. Are any of you worried about, you said you're having your patrons come. Are any of you worried about being murdered? No. No, I like these guys. No. Not even a little bit. First of all, I will say this.

It's not an open invite to any and all 50 patrons it's it's like uh like three or four of them that i've spent hours and hours and hours with and like i know these guys and i know like what their home life is like i know their access to weaponry etc like i know their criminal records and stuff. And it's like, all right, these guys are chill. These guys are cool. They mean us no harm. They'll be all good. Like I said, guys like fish.

And, well, maybe the mean us no harm thing doesn't quite fit dirty. A couple guys were like, look dirty. This one's got a big backyard in case you want to get your orbital bone caved in. It doesn't know. Like, you know, none of you guys have any kind of weird feelings about your dad like wanting to murder or anything like that right okay good great one of the patreons dick his name is dirty he said he wants to kick my ass and um but he he can't dick he he's like five eight he's 50 pounds smaller than me and uh like i don't i don't mean to call like mr but look we're in different weight classes

he's a small pussies and uh i didn't know this dirty i didn't do this you You saw how I framed things. It was in a nice little fun. If you want to do this, then that. Now you're being called a bitch boy manlet. You're right. Now Woody's saying, dirty as a bitch boy manlet.

I follow Dick's lead. I'll pop his butthole cherry if I feel like it. I don't mean to say any of that. Direct quote from Woody. That's not what I'm going with. Here's what I thought about this. Woody, your dick is like a movie screen. It's like a handheld video game.

This is what Dirty should do. Dirty should grapple first. And before we add striking, right? If he really wants to do this for some reason we should grapple and then he'll have an opportunity to change his mind right because i think what he'll find if we were to do that is he'd be like oh no i thought woody was like a frail old man and cooked and and this isn't what i thought at all this is like wrestling a tree stump and I take I don't want to anymore and

I'll be like cool yeah you know what you're making good decisions and then you're going to thump him on the forehead and go but guess who's buying my magic starter deck bitch no no yeah that's what I that's what i tell my girlfriend just pull grab that thing like you're trying to come on yeah no but like i i don't know i don't look like much on

camera because i don't have big biceps or anything but i really am big from like armpits to feet and uh and i think he'd notice the difference right as soon as you lock and like one guy goes to impose the will and the other guy goes he'd notice and uh then you start kissing yeah i mean i didn't want to say it out loud but yeah yeah if woody wants there will be kissing if woody wants there will be mutual tongue. The only thing keeping Woody's cock out of Dirty's asshole is Woody's own sense of responsibility. You know, as of any first round. You guys are going so much harder than me. Yeah, that's why it's funny.

You've got to tattoo a picture of your family on your ass so that if he's about to enter you unwillingly, Woody, he will possibly lose his erection at the last minute. That's not my biggest concern. Dirty shows up for the fight, and he already has one of those female condoms in. Like, bring your diaphragm, bitch. He's going, ha-ha, I got a dental dam shoved in my ass. I didn't expect this coming. Oh is some sun's new shit he's gotta bring your spermicidal lube because you're about to get knocked up

yeah yeah is he just goofing he's goofing right so like what what it actually is is he's interested in like having like a friendly little boxing bat match with you and touching gloves and dancing around and boxing, doing something kind of fun like that. So that's not what he said. He said he was going to kick my ass and that I was old. He hurt my feelings. And I was like, well, mission accomplished. Mission accomplished.

You know, like. You win. Round one. Oh, my God. This guy dirty. um you know like oh my god this guy he's smart and like if we were on xbox live just like i don't know throwing insults he would beat me every time he's very good at that yeah i think what it is is like like um when i talk to dirty a lot you know i'm in i'm in chats with him i play a lot of poker with him and in other games and like we really like shit talk each other a lot and uh and i think that he sort of transferred that sort of like familiarity that he has with maybe me over to you and like and maybe that's why he came off as so rude because he he's he's equally rude to me but it's in a real i don't

know we know each other a little bit better than because you don't know him at all i mean you know him a little bit because you see him like once a month for a couple hours but like i see him that much almost every night or at least you know three nights a week or something so i think maybe that is part of it and he's just kind of you know he can be kind of abrasive that's kind of his personality but it's it's a lovable kind of abrasiveness i like the guy i i like him too i mean i invited him on a vacation with me party house kyle you need to make him stand on the front porch like fight club with his bag next to him and you come out and like too small get the fuck off my board yeah that's how that's how you gain entry to the party house. You get torn down and told to wait.

Your tits are too big! And then he starts walking away. Come back, Meatloaf! Bitch out right away. Jesus Christ. Come on, Meatball. Meatloaf in that movie is a character that I felt so bad for.

Oh, right. That's Meatloaf playing that guy. I forgot that. Yeah, Meatloaf in that movie is a character that I felt so bad for. Like the whole time. Oh, right. That's Meatloaf playing that guy. I forgot that. Yeah, Meatloaf playing the guy. When Edward Norton's like, oh, I'm crying into meatballs. Meatloaf's big sweaty tits in the beginning in their testicular cancer summit or whatever. Yeah.

You should see that movie. Testicular cancer survivors. Yeah. That's the other thing I really want to do. I know my thing is movies and it's not it might sound stupid or like i've got some kind of a drug problem but like i can't enjoy movies without being high like like one of my favorite things like i really can't enjoy movies anymore i haven't been able to and it like since i've been sober and like, like, like it's been years,

like, like I'll, because they're just not as entertaining to me. Like, like I can't, I can't relax enough to like really enjoy the movie. Like I'm too scatterbrained. Like I'll be watching the movie and I'll be,

then all of a sudden I'm on my phone or I'm like wanting to go do something else in the house or like wanting to like go, I'm watching the movie and I'm like, I should go wash those dishes. And now I'm not, now I'm washing dishes or something like that and so it's like but we were gonna watch a shitty movie like what happened here like i can't i can't like so i want to watch a bunch of movies while i'm there there's a bunch of them that i've been saving up that i haven't watched yet and a bunch of old ones that i want to re-watch um i watch a lot of red letter media uh their youtube channel it's my favorite youtube. And I like their their series Best of the Worst, where they pick just literally the worst movies you can imagine. Like, you can't, frankly, imagine movies as bad as the movies that they watch on Best of the Worst, like, like 70s C movies, likeies that are like a porn director's

first try at making a legitimate film. Literally, that's an example. That's a real example? That's a real example. And he's got his porn actors in it trying to do a real movie. I was watching one the other night where the girl is delivering her lines

in such a way that they're like, she sounds like Siri. She's like, I don't know if that is the way to go, but maybe if we all work together, we can get out of this one. It's like, is she doing a Siri impression? She's like, no personality. Worst actors, worst special effects. But that

shit's really funny if you're fucking stoned. I'll watch as many shitty movies as you want. I like those old horror movies and stuff like that. One of the things I want to do is smoke a lot of weed. I want to cook for everyone. I'd like to do a big cookout and cook everybody steaks and stuff. But I want to watch a lot of movies. But I would be down to do some more activities in the real world than we have traditionally done.

have traditionally done i was telling everybody the story last night of when uh me and chis uh invited taylor on to one of our classic uh colorado getaways and and he's like he taylor shows him he's like all right guys so we go skiing or maybe we could go hit some balls at the driving range or you want to do this or that and chis and i just look at him like you know what this is you were told what this is we smoke weed we watch tv we order food those are things then we do that again rinse repeat maybe some sleep that's what we do on vacation to the beach with someone and they're like, I'm more of a beach relaxation person. I'm more like this. I'd rather just go to the beach and read

a book and chill. But still, after a couple days that you're like, okay, let's go do something. I gotta get moving. No, it was like day four and we made it, Dick, to a restaurant. This was the furthest I dragged these fuckers away from it. We made it to a restaurant and i'm like

walking up to the maitre d area to be like table for four and wait and before we even get there kyle and chiz are like too long of a wait let's bounce i'm like but just let me check let me check so we're already here we're already here we just gave the car to the valet. It'll take him a minute to loop around anyway. What it really was is I was having like a minor anxiety attack. Like that restaurant was so crowded and loud. It was like borderline like nightclub. So you didn't want to be in there. Even if the wait was five minutes, it just wasn't your scene.

I wanted out. Like I didn't want to. I was glad that it looked like it was going to be a wait because I wanted out. We picked it because the menu looked so good. The menu looked great and it smelled great, but it was so busy and loud that I was feeling really anxious. I felt like we were underdressed for the place. It seemed really fancy.

We were absolutely underdressed. I don't like that. I was stoned to shit. I was so hungry i was like i was devastated when we when we left i felt like i felt like i needed a fucking suit jacket to sit down in that place and we were showing up and like i i may have been the best dressed and i felt underdressed i'll just say that um you know some of us were wearing hoodies uh some of us were wearing sweatpants and shit and uh and like fucking sneakers and i was just

like man i don't want people to judge me i'm too high to be judged right now and this place is too loud and too busy if it had been like an outback steakhouse and it had been equally busy i think i'd have been okay but like this was a fancy restaurant um i mean, don't don't we weren't about to be like cooked for by Bobby Flay or anything. Don't think that. But like dinner was going to cost four hundred dollars. It was that kind of restaurant. Oh, you and I were wearing jeans and like, you know, a jacket or something. Not not a not a nice jacket, just a fucking like North Face jacket.

Yeah, like a leather jacket or something like a hoodie and sweatpants like total relaxation mode and yeah to be fair i do remember walking up to the maitre d looking to the left and seeing a lot of high top bar tables with people in like dresses yeah and but like they wouldn't have kicked us out they would have thought oh who cares we're these valley hoodlums coming into our restaurant. We should serve them. I just felt so – I felt uncomfortably out of place. I felt underdressed. I felt it was way too busy and loud. And I was high, of course.

So did you go to a more appropriate restaurant? I think we went home and ordered food. No, they went back home and we ordered food. And it was like – And when we walked back home it was like the the level of like relief that washed over me like like it was like it was like when i got released from jail that first day like not prison but jail and it was just like thank god i'm out of jail thank god i'm in my dad's truck being driven back to my house

and no one is mad at me no one's judging me no one's disappointed with me that you know this is this is wondrous like like this feels so good what were you doing to him it was maybe like literally we had dropped it was at a hotel like lobby like nice steakhouse drop off the rental car kyle hands the keys to the guy, whips it back to park it. We are inside for maybe seven seconds before they're like, we got to go. And so then we have to go back out there and be like, hey, that guy who's still visible with the car, whip him back, bring him back around. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

I was having a minor anxiety attack. I felt so uncomfortable. was having i was having a minor anxiety attack i felt so uncomfortable um in for all the reasons i said the being underdressed the um the just how busy and like hop in the place was like like it was like a like i said it was a bit of a mixture because we were standing kind of by a bar but there's like a major d and then there's i can see into the restaurant just how like like i wouldn't have been that underdressed to go to a morton's and this place or a fleming's uh or a ruth's chris and this place was like a step above those places and i i was not happy did the pot contribute to your feelings like i just know pot does paranoia

like he's not describing paranoia but he is describing an uneasiness honestly if i had been sober it would have been so much worse. Like, like, like, like, like the pot is the only thing that kept me there for a full seven seconds. We needed to get up higher, Taylor. You would have had to get me like blackout on Edibles High where I didn't even know where I fucking was. This is like how they got Mr. T to fly on the A-team. They're going to have to. We're in Flemingings. Just relax. Have you guys been following these

Texas power outages? Yeah. You want to lay it out? What I want to do is do what I always do and lay out my ignorant, um,

like viewpoint of what's going on because I haven't been following it super closely. Just like the, you know, the, the periphery of it. And I want you to inform me because I, I think,

I think in that way I'll represent like, uh, you know, the audience and then you can explain it to me. I think that's kind of fun. So like what it looks like to me. So for those who don't know, Texas has their own power grid, right?

Like the United States, especially for those of you who are international might not know this. So like we have a few power grids in the United States. There's like, I think there's like East Coast and then the whole West Coast and then Texas. Texas is like, we do our own power here. And Texas had this unseasonably cold weather

and the power grid failed. They got snow in Texas, which is very unusual. And if you really don't know US geography, Texas is fucking huge. It's bigger than a lot of European countries. It's fucking huge. And when it went down, for a couple days that is, it was seen as a huge failure by like leadership and the power grid and it's made texas look bad texas is of course a mostly conservative ran southern-ish state though it's leaning more purple these days because of um the latino uh vote but what it looks like to me is that the right, the right wing, I should say,

conservative side of things is saying that the grid failed because things like wind turbines failed during the cold snap, that it got so cold that their wind turbines failed. And somehow that caused a cascading power loss. Whereas the left, the liberal side is saying this whole thing failed because of right wing conservative leadership and because Texas needs its own power grid. And so I'm wondering, Woody, I'm sure you've got a right down the middle sort of factual thought process on this. What's the truth? It's 90 10 so 10 of the outages are caused by windmills and 90 is caused by natural gas so the the natural gas pipelines apparently they can freeze and then it's the gas stops flowing so um uh they're they're primarily a gas state a natural

gas state they have it locally and and that's how they power everything. So they posted up like, oh, what it is is the governor. Non-Americans, governor is like president of a state. And he went on Fox News and said, man, this is what happens when the Green New Deal takes hold. These wind turbines fail, and we run out of power, and people freeze to death. There are people dying. And the left is like, hold up. 10% of this is caused by windmills.

90% is frozen natural gas pipes. And the Green New Deal is just an idea. It's never been passed. It's just proposal. You're acting like the Green New Deal caused this. And in reality, the Green new deal could be a solution to this you know canada operates windmill negative 47 degree temperatures is it basically because like like being texas they don't have any of the fail safes for like uber cold weather

so north carolina for example sucks at snow removal they have just found it to be not very cost efficient to um to keep that kind of equipment around because we get snow that needs removing once every 10 years well texas didn't insulate their pipes like like i guess they should have and it seems like every 10 years or so like i remember um i saw this thing today there was an article 10 years ago saying this never happens the last time it happened 10 years ago and it referenced it happening like it hasn't happened for 10 years ago saying this never happens the last time it happened 10 years ago and it referenced it happening like it hasn't happened for 10 years and then that referenced 10 years before that it's not clockwork some of these are like 13 and some are 8 but every 10 years or so

texas gets this cold and uh there's some political fun to be had like so california had rolling blackouts because of high air conditioner demand last summer and ted cruz is like look at this failed democrat bullshit um it was the first time in 19 years they've had rolling blackouts but it happened they didn't have the capacity yeah oh california is horrible uh this is one of those wonderful occasions where I think both sides are right California, EG&E purposefully, they have such a stranglehold on our energy that

we have absolutely no chance every single year when we get our unseasonably hot season that happens every year it is such a scam in this state our unseasonable hot season that happens every year. Right. It is such a scam in this state. It's so horribly run.

Do they shut your power off every year? What's that? Do they shut your power off every year? Do I have this problem? We have problems every year. We have problems every year. We have problems right now. What's your problem? Even up the canyon, other neighborhoods are just out.

So in California, everything causes to shut down. If there's wildfires, which there's every year that we never protect against. And I think I read this in Texas, too. At every single point, everybody tells the government, hey, none of this stuff is maintained. Your forests aren't maintained. Your power lines aren't maintained. Your natural gas lines aren't maintained. Your windmills aren't maintained. Your power lines aren't maintained. Your natural gas lines aren't maintained.

Your windmills aren't maintained. So fix it. And every year they push it until it's a big clusterfuck and then just blame each other and fly to Cancun. It's such a – So let me jump in. The thing I read said that there hadn't been rolling blackouts because of capacity for 19 years. And I can't tell if – it sounds like I'm wrong because the thing I read was wrong is what it sounds like i mean yeah that might be right the way they phrase it might be right but california is every year yeah right if it's not capacity it's fires if it's not fires it's yeah and they shut it down on purpose like they're on records they're like yeah well you know we just

shut it down fuck them yeah power got real expensive it wasn't as profitable so we made them hot but yes that i made up that i made up so uh ted cruz was tweeting about how terrible the california government was and now the liberals are having fun at his expense because the opposite happened this time is the liberals weren't prepared for the heat of california which be predictable, and the conservatives weren't prepared for the cold of Texas, which also happens. And it's funny, almost all of Texas is on its own power grid. One city's not, maybe El Paso, and it's fine. It's far west. It's on the western power grid. Anyway, it doesn't

have the problems that the rest of Texas has. So are they basically going to be like, once this is over, like, phew, out of the woods. And then like 12 years, 10 years, whatever from now, next time there's a big blizzard, it'll just happen again. Isn't that the way to go though?

That's what they did the last three times. Like think about it from a homeowner standpoint, right? Like, all right, your power went out. Yeah. First time in, let's just say 15 years. But I think went out yeah first time in let's just say 15 years but i think this is the first time in longer first time in 15 years do you buy a huge ten thousand dollar generator and like water purification system so that you'll never go without electricity for three days ever ever again for 15 years down the road or and i guess like the

one side of the argument would say climate change is happening is becoming more and more extreme there's going to be a texas blizzard every year so my answer to that like i like the way your head is on the cost benefit analysis right like is it worth it um part of my question is how many people are dying like that's people are worth a lot you know and heck even just cost benefit that's like 40 years worth of taxes we missed out on you know and their productivity and all that how many companies how much industry is shut down because of this like i'm curious you know so i don't know where the cost benefit analysis fits but well you gotta divide by two right from the beginning because as mitt romney taught us like only like 46 of people pay taxes anyway touche yeah that's a good point but so here's where i wanted to head

with it on the pka slant with this did you see the texas mayor that went in hard on his own constituents? I did not want to say. Dude, this is fun. To me, this guy's so fucking Texas, and I don't mean that in a negative way. He's just Texan. So he tweets this out, or maybe it was Facebook. It doesn't matter. The strong will survive and the weak will perish. Let me hurt some feelings while I have a minute.

Put him on the ballot. No one owes you or your family anything, nor is it the local government's responsibility to support you during trying times like this. Sink or swim, it's your choice. The city and the county, along with power providers and other services, owe you in caps nothing. He said that residents were looking for a handout and told them to accept personal responsibility for being left in the cold. If you are sitting at home in the cold and you have no power

because you're waiting for someone to rescue you, it's because you are lazy and it is a direct result of your raising. Bottom line. How do you fix the power on your own? Quit crying. Quit looking for a handout get off your ass and take care of your family it's funny that he's like the government the municipal local state and federal government it is not their job to provide food water shelter or you know governmental agencies to. And it's like, no, this is exactly what we pay taxes. What do you think you're doing? Do you think your job is just free so you can

make smarmy posts on Facebook? You fucking boomer retard. Fuck that guy. I'm actually on the other side. Go start tampering with electrical lines like I'm trying to fix it. They climb in poles. The mayor said to get off my ass. I get electricity. i solved the problem see

i'm actually on the other side in my head i was like isn't this the government that texas voted for right texas has no state taxes texas likes a small government that's what you get like if you're paying connecticut taxes you expect fucking meals on Wheels to come along and take care of you. If you're paying Texas's lack of taxes, get off your ass and sit in the car or whatever it takes to get warm. Like, you vote for what you want. You get what you want. Is this guy even wrong? I'm kind of pro-Texas on this.

A quick aside. Homeowners associations. I don't like, right? I don't like someone else telling me what my mailbox needs to look like and stuff like that. But if you like that, then you live there and you make sure that your neighbors never have cars with flat tires in the driveway, right? Like you get the benefits and you pay the cost for it because now you can't work on your car in your driveway. I prefer not to have that. I am somewhat Texan in this scenario. These guys went small government. They went no taxes. They went this way. So fucking enjoy what you got. He's right. This is what you

voted for. This is what you don't pay for. So fucking knock yourself out. I like Texas a lot. I like the Texas mindset um i've been to texas a bunch of times i've driven all the way across the state like three times like like from east to west it's a fucking haul again for people who are unfamiliar with texas geography do a quick google search what it's like to drive from east texas all the way through west texas into we drove to phoenix one time from you know georgia so like i love it i like when you i like all the cities they're all different if they had legal weed that's where i'd go like i really like austin austin's my favorite city but uh houston and dallas are both fucking awesome el paso is not

a bad state um where's the one where the Alamo happened? Because that was a cool little place as well. I can't think of it. I have it in my head that Alamo is a town name, isn't it? Alamo, Texas. There might be an Alamo, Texas, but I'm talking about where the actual Alamo is. I'll just quickly Google where's the Alamo.

Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, if you're a European drive from like Birmingham UK San Antonio yeah San Antonio is a really cool place too so if you for European people to understand how big Texas is like top left to bottom right you know you drive from like Birmingham UK and you'd almost make it to Rome

which is it's a good way you'd almost make it to Rome which is it's a good way you don't almost make it to roll yeah yeah it's a fucking wall I don't know if you put the map of it's on top of it it's bigger than the entire US so just picture that yeah almost not in Alamo I almost twice the size of us didn't know that I I, I've been there. It's, uh, there's not a lot left. Um, but,

uh, but there is some stuff there. Uh, so, so I've been to the Alamo. It, like I said, I did a quick Google search there.

It's in San Antonio, uh, which was a cool little town too. It's a, it's a smaller, uh, it's on the smaller side compared to certainly Houston and, uh,

Dallas, the Houston Dallas are both fucking huge. But, um, Austin is like this cool little hippie town with like, I smelled weed the whole time I was there. I bet it's decriminalized there or something like that. And, and you know, people were just,

it was, it reminded me a lot of Athens, Georgia for anyone who's familiar with that. Just a real party town. I had a lot of fun there it's uh i love texas and then when you're like out in the middle of nowhere and there is a lot of out in the middle of nowhere like everybody's driving those big fucking chevrolet i don't know if it's chevy or ford but they make like a texas edition i think it's chevy

they have like a there's one called the king ranch and ford are you maybe thinking of that it's the texas fucking silverado like like like like it's got like the lone star thing and it's like it's like the texas edition fucking like silverado and everybody's got those big ass like uh grill guards because there's so many fucking deer that they just want to be able to liquefy a fucking deer if they hit one going uh 80 out on the uh highway i want to say the speed limit was it's 80 across like a lot of texas maybe 85 i think it was gotta move if you're gonna make it i i think it was 80 85 like you said which you know means it's always 10 over

so the super bowl that's what they're that's their state uh speed limit i don't know that's like you said, which means you can go 10 over. It's always the last year in the Super Bowl. That's their state speed limit. I don't know. That's the law. I looked it up. All three of them have a Texas edition. Kyle's right. The Silverado is called the Texas edition.

The Ram is called the Lone Star edition, and the Ford is called the King Ranch edition. Yes, King Ranch edition. I'm familiar with the king ranch uh it wasn't until i started like doing stuff in texas that i saw like the texas edition silverado and it's just a big fucking sexy silverado but uh you know like i remember one time i rented uh i was going to do this explosives class and uh so it was just me and I was going to be at some guy's farm learning explosives for a week. So there was no reason to get a good rental car. And so I rented like

a Nissan Sentra or something like a small like Japanese car. And the speed limit was 80 or 85. And so I went 90 or 95. And that car was just like like like 95 was it was like that scene from terminator 2 where they're like telling schwarzenegger to go faster go faster go faster because the evil terminator's chasing him and he's in some piece of shit pickup truck he's like this is the vehicle's maximum speed that's exactly i was like this is the vehicle's maximum fucking speed and people are passing you like i'm going 90 95 and people damn it's great the auto love texas it's a little bit because you're in the middle of fucking nowhere and the roads are flat and you could see for three miles ahead and during the daytime there's no wildlife to

jump in front of you it's great love texas well i i love that this is happening to Texas. I hate Texas. I didn't expect that. I'm glad that all their cars are getting fucked up by frozen pipes. I love it. I hope it ruins all their pool tables. Cut off the wall. Fuck you. They cheated at the World Series. They cheated us out of the World Series,

and they know it. So every Astros fan deserves to go to hell. I hope frozen tumbleweeds kill their dogs. They all belong in jail. Every Astros fan belongs in federal prison for that. And number two, I have been hearing nonstop about how I'm a cuck or a loser for living in California. And they always throw the power shit in my face like, oh, Dick, you're such a you're such an F slur for living in California.

When are you going to lose that? When are you going to leave that lame state? They can't even keep their power on. And now we see it's not so fucking hard, is it? It turns out that whether you give your government all of your money, like in California, or you give them none of your money, they still can't do the basic thing, which is keep the fucking keep the power on. That's all you have to do. Just shut up and keep the power on no matter what. No matter what. This should put the bed, the entire debate of the function of government in the United States, which is that it exists only to fuck you because they can't matter what, if you give them no money or all of your money, 10, 12, 14%.

Even if you leave the state, California will send a brute squad from LA to go to the new state and take money from you. That's how much that's, that's the state of taxation in California. So no matter what, they cannot keep the power on. As long as we're all clear on that. It's not... So no matter what, they can't get it done.

Even the most basic thing, which is water and electricity. Like, oh, that's nice. Oh, you guys are having a parade? What about the power? Let's hear about the power lines. How about that natural gas shit? How the fucking windmills do it? I hate the windmills too, but are they going to work next time it freezes? Ted Cruz, why don't you go back to your office and just read one report from an actual engineer?

Or how about we just liquidate the lot of you and put only engineers in charge, whose only job it is to keep power functioning. I left that out of the summary. So Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz, people don't know is the Senator from Texas. And he also had some fun at California's expense when their power went out. And Texas is,

he took his family on a plane to Cancun. Now I don't know this for a fact but i do know that the senate is on vacation this week so my suspicion is this was a planned vacation that like he didn't just hightail because it's cold my suspicion is this was a planned vacation because it was a planned senate break oh i'm sure it was but it's a really stupid move. It was. You try to tell your wife that you're not taking a vacation. You'd come back here in five years and try to think about this happening in your house. Your home is flooded. And you're like, honey, we can't go to Cancun.

You know that Cancun vacation we planned for a long time after the election? We've been talking about it. We can't go because it's cold. Ted Cruz. My marriage is going to go way better than that fucker ted cruz's probably uh ted cruz came home the next night he was only gone for a day i don't know if his family came home but no they stayed on the vacation i hope so and also when i like that i don't know like look his look whatever you think of ted cru, his wife and kids are not part of this. Right? So leave that out.

Well, they already paid for it. There's no reason for them to miss out on Cancun. But he's just a dumbass. And then did he try and flip it when he came back? Like, I was always intending to bring five shirts and a bunch of pairs of shorts in golf clubs so I could drop them off and come back. What's the big deal? He came back and he said, well, you know how everybody always says you brought the weather with you?

I thought I was going to do that. He didn't say that, did he? Did he say that? I hate Ted Cruz so much. What's the room sentiment on Ted Cruz? They take him and they just throw him in a cage next to those kids at the border. Sorry, you got to hang out here for two weeks until we know your name, Mr. Cruz.

The room temp, I think he puts his own personal political ambitions above what's good for the country i think that's why he was like pro the steal and shit like that so forgive me i've been watching some fox news lately not by my own choice uh i've just been in places where it's playing okay and uh and uh you know it's it's there it's it's like fucking in the movies where they like put on the government news channel and they play the propaganda and like like you just have to watch it like like starship troopers and uh like a like a verhoeven film yeah and uh they were talking about the crisis at the border apparently uh i don't know and look i i like being fact checked on this because i don't know the truth and I frankly don't care enough to look into it because it doesn't matter to me. I'm not being overrun

by migrants here at my house or anything so why do I give a fuck? Seems like a Texas problem. But they were saying that the amount of migrants showing up had doubled or maybe even tripled since the new presidency and uh they were show they show videos of migrant caravans again which i haven't seen since early in the trump presidency or or something like that i remember hearing them say that it was going up because one of the things biden did i think before even office was saying there'd be a hundred day moratorium on like

immigration deportations or like arrest something like that arrest and they found they found one of the things Biden did, I think before he went to office was saying there'd be a 100-day moratorium on immigration, deportations, something like that. They found one of these Hondurans and he was, I don't know where Fox News dug this ombre out, but he was just like, President Biden is going to save us. He's going to give us a house.

He's going to give us a job. He's going to give each of us two white women, two white women slaves. Hey, your daughters, you watching this? Your daughters will be my bitch. President Biden, he give me everything I need. I don't have to work. He's turning into a Russian for some reason. I don't know why he's turning into a Russian. I'm revealing myself to be a false flag as we speak. That's the other thing that the right will claim sometimes. Like, these aren't even South Americans.

These are Eastern European dissidents sweeping in through South America, infiltrating the mic, because that was the big concern, right? Like, you got somebody named Yuri Gassvazivazov in a sombrero. Yeah. You're like, oh, hola. Mr. Pachinko, you're a oh ah hola mr pachinko you're a honduran resident tell us how how do you think your life is going to be better in the united states i think i will be able to do many great things when i get to the united states uh it is going to be good but the whole time i will miss

uh fucking honduras who who knew i'll miss home yeah um but but he was just i don't know where Honduras. Honduras. Yeah. But he was just, I don't know where they dug him up, but he was perfect. He was just like, Biden's going to give me this and that. And Biden's going to fucking pay my rent. He's got a job lined up for me. He's got a house. My kids are going to go to the school for free and get their free lunches there. Like he was laying out every conservative nightmare, right? That you're going to have to pay for somebody's fucking free lunches there. He was laying out every conservative nightmare, right?

That you're going to have to pay for somebody's fucking free lunch, literally. And I'm watching it and I'm like, God damn it. I don't know what the truth is. And there's no way to know anymore without fucking going there with a pair of binoculars, I think. And by the time I walk out to the parking lot, I'll be thinking about something else. I'll have stopped caring. I'll be thinking about what my next meal is going to be.

I'm thinking about it now, I guess, but only in the context of I think it's an interesting topic. They made it seem like there was a huge uptick in people coming. Obviously, Biden shut down all construction of that wall. And mixed feelings on the wall. I like the idea of a, of a barrier. Never thought a wall was all that practical. It was funny to joke about. But, but like, especially when Game of Thrones was a thing, you know, it was, it was like, clearly a wall is the way to go.

It's kept the North safe for 2000 years. The Andals and the first men agree. A wall is the answer here. So it was funny then, but like now it's just like, shit, is there any way to even build a fucking wall? And then you see those pictures of people like going through the Trump wall,

like the same way cats do like a slotted fence. They're just like, they turn into liquid and just walk right through the fucking issue is like the walls, a billion dollars but then like a cordless angle grinder is 60 and it defeats it and it's like oh the cost benefit on this is yucky so i've been hurriedly trying to fact check since you mentioned it yeah i'm not sure how well i'm doing here but it appears that there's a new mexico law not a u.s

one that means that we can't release our migrants back into mexico a lot of these guys are from central america and mexico is like why the fuck are they like dumping them in mexico they're coming from central america like they're not even mexican what why do you just and we're like well i don't know then you just dump them the rest of the way yes they're brown they go down so and on your on the other side i don't know this for a fact but i have a feeling trump would be like well fuck your law that's what we do you know i don't know but apparently under biden they're releasing these central americans just back into texas like they catch them

and they say well you guys head back on your own. And then they release them in Texas, where of course they stay. That's a good long-term solution. There's a thing there. I found like two or three articles. That's what I put together. Am I the only one who liked the children cages? I loved them. They were great.

I was so 100% pro child cage. Because frankly, the way I see it is, I do think you're breaking the law when you literally invade another country. There is no way to look at it other than you're invading another country illegally, right? Like, oh, but they were looking for peace and prosperity and blah, blah, blah.

So, yeah, it was a peaceful and prosperous invasion of another country then. Well, no, no, they were fleeing this and that. Okay, so they ran in fear while they invaded another country. All right, I get that. So what do you do with people who are criminal aliens, which apparently is a slur now to call somebody a criminal fucking alien. They broke a law coming here. The criminal.

They're from somewhere else. They're an alien. These are the definition of words. You can't just start changing. Oh wait, we can change. Every time they offend someone. So like,

look, what do you do with some criminals that you've caught? Either you turn them loose into the country, which is what they wanted to begin with. Or you lock them up until you can like, see what you're going to do about them. All right, well, they got kids with them. What do you do with the kids? Do you lock children up with adults in prison?

Because that seems to be the other side's argument. No, you're twisting their words. We don't want you to lock anybody up. Okay, so now you want the catch and release. Oh, we don't like it when you call it that. All right, well, we wanted to catapult them back over the wall into Mexico, and you were down on that. So what's your third solution? It seems like the only kind thing to do is kind of rough to pull off,

which is like family jails, right? You're like, all right, Kyle and the wife and the kids came in. We're doing a little family cell over here yeah and but i'm pro kennel i mean we got it in our yard bad grades roll in colin smarts off i've got them trained like dogs like yep in the kennel go go and and they go they sit in the kennel i like the and fucking uh um once upon a time in hollywood and just right into the kennel. In she goes. Yeah, I was pro-child fucking jail because it's like, what do you

do with little mischievous invaders? You gotta lock them up somewhere. Make sure the people bringing them over also aren't human trafficking them because I think that's where pretty much all the human trafficking comes from is across the border of Mexico. that's the challenge I pitched right like you know like hey is this a family unit what a human

trafficker is gonna say no that's not my kid it's just now you're putting kids in with excuse me coyotes I think they're called you know so it's a coyote if you didn't know you can't just take every one of their words. He's a human trafficker. Yeah. He's a human trafficker. Yeah, it's weed. So anyway, these are hard problems. And there's no obvious solution that works and is humanitarian and is cost effective. And it's why it's not solved. Well, it seems like one side.

What would Mexico do if I snuck in there? What would they do? Would they put me in jail? They'd send you back. They'd sell you souvenirs. They'd sell me to Honduras or Venezuela or something. They'd offer you a whore. Can you imagine arguing your point?

Like, alright, we are sending you to Honduras where you belong. I'm an American. We don't care. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do this to me. Is it Mexico? Nobody's going to fucking check, man.

Nobody's going to know where you are. Have you guys been to Mexico? You ever see the video? The video I saw on Fox News, again, was it looked to me like El Salvadorians and Hondurans and those kind of folks trying to get into Mexico. And they're in a big crowd just walking down the street like it's a parade. And they're being whipped like mules in the street, like by riot police.

They have like these bendy batons that look like what you use to like a racing crop, like a writer's crop. And they're whipping the piss out of these people just really giving it to them as hard as they can and the people are just like oh god it hurts prosperity's hard it's like wasn't there a wasn't there a legal way to get in like can't you apply for this shit like like i know plenty of people who have i don't know like my friends from australia and new zealand are talking about like, yeah, I want to do a US trip. And I'm thinking in my head, I bet they're not going to run a gauntlet of riding crops

to get here. They're going to file some paperwork. Yeah, it seems like I wonder if it's hard to get obviously it's hard to get a citizenship. I'm talking about overstaying a visa, right? Like I went to Japan. I had to get a visa or something.

I had to get some sort of paperwork. If I had just stayed, I'd have become an illegal alien after it wore out. But isn't that easy? Isn't that a nice way to get into the country? There were no riding crops. I like that. That's how it works. Because then if you can't get hired, I i mean you have no paperwork to get hired you

can't file your tax i'm pretty sure the crappies don't have paperwork either i'm just saying like if you're going to invade a country get a visa and stay too long yeah yeah yeah that's the easiest way to do it that's how white people do it i think that is the most uh most of the illegal immigration is overstayed visa I've heard that That's how so many Canadians do it That's how so many Europeans do it They just overstay their visas And you see it in like

Movies and fiction all the time When they're like having a real hard time With someone who's like an Aussie Or a Brit or something And they discover He overstayed his visa. We kick him out for fuck all. We got him now,

boys. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how it works. I feel like you could do that with like neighborly disputes. Like, you know, your tree has fallen on my fence and it's like,

well, fuck. It sounds like a you problem. If it's your fence, we'll see what INS thinks. Yeah. I think you're looking at this in the wrong light. The reality is the U.S. was built on slave labor, and it continues to exist on slave labor.

And our system is set up perfectly so that we can continually continually drag slave labor into the system and turn everyone into slaves meanwhile guys like us can treat the problem like it's complicated and debate it and talk about it all day while we are slowly while everyone in the country is depressed into slavery i have a question i have an idea and i'm thinking thank you you really helped you've led me down a bright white path of glory here you've you've illuminated me okay how about we set up a system where if you want to be a citizen you become an indentured laborer for an a certain amount of time for a major corporation okay you? You go work in an Amazon sweat factory, and they're always complaining,

oh, these guys don't get to take piss breaks. You think fucking Javier from Honduras cares about a piss break? He's been pissing in a jug for weeks walking across the Mojave. All right? He don't give a fuck. He's just happy to be indoors. Doesn't this continue to fuck the middle class with increased immigration causing stagnation? They're slaves that's the best part they have no

more income no no no no ah yeah they get more amazon gift cards from the government yeah so boosting real estate yeah so this is this is purely a middle class booster, Taylor. Okay. Don't imagine that Amazon is getting free labor. Amazon has to pay the same hourly wage, the same healthcare benefits. One of their employees just gets to go not come to work for three days a week. It's like, all right, Mike, here's your servant, Javier. He fills in for you on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Enjoy the four-day weekend and your continued health benefits. I feel like if Mike is ambitious, if Mike is an entrepreneur, a thinker,

he should be outsourcing his job, right? Mike earns the job. Mike gets hired. And then he just gets Javier to do it. Yeah, he has Javier. And then he's moving by. The government handles all of that. This way Mike can become an entrepreneur

if he wants. He can start his own business, get himself a whole bunch of other indentured... What's a better word for slave? Interns. Interns. He can get himself his own group of brown interns and

they can be working for his company. Of course, he is paying wages to the u.s citizens who would normally fill those positions who also get to go out and become entrepreneurs here i'm putting it's a beautiful and paco underneath you they are part of your downline now now you're going to get a percentage of you set up you got like 18 hondurans hawking mary kay now man this is such a better life when I get my own pink Cadillac. It's like, god damn it,

I didn't expect this to work, but Javier is killing it. No, but maybe there is a system where you work for your citizenship, right? I think military service would be a good one. We're always complaining about that one, right? I like that idea somewhere though.

Like we're always getting involved in wars and we don't, we don't want, they're not sending us somewhere. They're sending them somewhere. Here's my thing. Like a volunteer army should have motivated people in it though. Right? Like, so let's say I'm a volunteer soldier, right? I'm a regular American. My dad was a soldier. My grandfather was a soldier. Now I'm a soldier. And you stick me with some inscripted almost guy.

Oh, they get their own squads. You just got to make sure they're worth it. That's all. I've heard that the volunteer guys in Vietnam didn't really like working with the drafted people in Vietnam. Because they had a different mindset towards the war. I'm just trying to apply that to this. Could that have gone better or worse if we had done these changes? It would have gone better if we bombed the North, goddammit.

We didn't bomb North Vietnam? No. Am I stupid? we didn't bomb north vietnam no am i stupid i thought we bombed them all the time and we drove by with uh helicopters oh the cities where you know where they were made where they were getting all their weaponry and where they were storing everything and yeah where they actually were rather than trying to hit a bunch of ants walking down in a jungle path somewhere would have killed a lot of innocent walking down a jungle path somewhere. Would have killed a lot of innocent people hitting the city, though. I think you're trying to say we would have demotivated the population.

I agree. You're right. It would have demotivated. The quotes go on the outside of both words, by the way, in case you didn't follow. Innocent people. Not innocent people. Innocent people. I get it.

It's a little hard to follow for some. Make sure everybody understands what I'm insinuating. Very above the Irish in your eyes. Oh, they're well below the Irish. The Irish have good food at least. I love a good stew. Change topics? Before we do that,

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They got all the emphasis they were looking for so they got all the emphasis they were looking they're just reading it because most of them like every once in a while i'll be like oh bold there bold there now they're like heavy-handed with the bold all of it caps we want them to be yelling this read anyway that worked out kyle's just now dick you're talking about the sneakers yeah i'm gonna start with you are you ready for this question? Go for it. You wake up as the opposite biological sex. You're given a pill that reverses this any time. How long do you stay the opposite sex, and what will you do? How big are my tits?

Oh, so there was a question in the thing, like how hot am I? So we're going to take whatever hotness you have now now and you'll be the female parallel oh god i'm taking it immediately like this is a woman like you'll be the equivalent woman right you're a handsome guy you're fit are my it's the size of my arms right now are your tits the size of your calves what are we what are we talking is i guess it's really um it's really the question between turning back into me or opening up an only fans that's like that's it right i definitely don't ever want to be fucked so i'm sorry i interrupted no go ahead i immediately want to get fucked that's all i'm here for i'm gonna dick down immediately dick me down i i mean

i'm hoping my wife makes the same change and we switch right like this is what i want i want to see what the other side lives like and vagina now would you rather would you rather jackie becomes a man and you make love in that manner or jackie stays a woman and you guys have some sort of man and you make love in that manner or jackie stays a woman and you guys have some sort of lesbian trip do i have to pick one because i want both that's the right answer here's a question though here's a question though do i have a hymen i don't know if i'm oh i'm a little concerned about that too no yeah yeah i'm gonna need to you have to break me in i'm gonna need a little time assuming female woody has had sex thousands of times just like male woody has yeah like what if you're like but you know i'm just imagining remember you know jessica from true blood she

she like she was the virgin vampire she kept regrowing her hymen and sex was always this fucking ordeal for us yes and it like like i don't want to i don't want a hymen i hear you that is a problem uh but i mean if i do have a hymen then i'm just gonna stay girl a little longer because we're gonna break that shit in and then we're gonna see what uh experience sex is like too i'm with you 100 yeah i like the idea of an OnlyFans. I think I'd be a real fucking hot chick. I like the idea of an OnlyFans and being a real dirty girl, being a real dirty girl, wearing a lot of low-cut dresses. I like those dresses that are just flowy and reveal the whole chest and belly and everything. And you've just got side boob going on.

I'm going to wear a lot of gowns. I'm going to get some pretty panties. whole chest and and like belly and everything and you just got like side boob going on like i'm gonna wear a lot of gowns i'm gonna get some i'm gonna get some pretty panties uh i'm gonna have a i'm gonna have a real good time of it i might not want to go back this may be the play this is where my head is and oh my god i'm gonna get roasted for this thought but i've covered many times that i'm not a guy that shares his girl right that's not my cup of tea i'm i'm a man of jealousy even with women right that's where my head is now if i'm a girl and our partner's a girl and jackie's a guy is that is does that but i i don't think i'm as bugged by this fantasy thing where she fucks a guy and then we switch back and it's almost undone.

She certainly wouldn't want to fuck you with another man. No, no, no. So you misunderstand, Taylor. You missed a bit of the lead up to this. We are swapping sex. We are becoming women. And in this wild scenario, I suggested that Jackie become a man, Woody becomes a woman, and then they add a woman to the mix. So Jackie, as a man, would make love to both Lady Woody.

I'm having a hard time coming up with a name for Lady Woody. And Lady Partner, right? So in my head, if there was ever a guy, I couldn't get past that. I wouldn't get over it, right? But if she's the guy and we added a girl, I feel like that doesn't burn me quite as much. This is a steakhouse, and that's a Chick-fil-A. We're not competing with each other.

We're very different things. For sure. But what if that girl was formerly a guy? i think it starts to bug me more there i don't need layers lady taylor that you're bringing into the relationship yeah yeah the voice stays the same though all right let's do this big titties so Taylor, Taylor, let me read the question. I don't know if you missed. You wake up the opposite biological sex. You're given a pill to reverse this at any time.

How long do you stay the opposite sex and what will you do? I sleep my way to the top at an immediate firm and then immediately switch back. Male privilege. Stay at the top forever. So you'd sleep Biden? Don't mention the magic you just claim you've transitioned very effectively if you're the most masculine former

girl and you cannot be fired i cannot be fired that's true i would i would be fine i would be fine with uh with the scenario you laid out i'm a woman i'm with another woman the person my you know wife or husband whatever like well i don't see what the problem with that is i wouldn't care that so it would bother you less than the non-switched version i thought i was crazy for having that thought no no no no you're right you're right it's um yeah i don't know that i would switch back i might prefer being a woman i think um i think it's just easier i i, I don't know that I would switch back. I might prefer being a woman. I think, um, I think it's just easier. I know.

I won't say that because I want to. Yeah. All the women who just heard that are going to be furious. No, no, no. I think it's different. I think, I think that, I think that women have their own, uh, cross to bear, uh, because of, uh, their sex. Um, I think that maybe they don't get treated as seriously sometimes that would be super annoying because when i when i'm not goofing around and being an

asshole like i want you to take my opinion seriously i don't want to be laughed at laughed out of the room or something when i have a proposal like if we're in a media firm right i'm talking about how we should advertise to a certain like demographic and like no, and I get talked over and they move on to fucking like the Chicago, the Chicago merger. I'm fucking furious. Right. And I feel like that happens to women for sure. But I do think there are advantages and disadvantages to both. I just think that.

Big advantages, we're taller and stronger. That nice okay that you know it's funny that's not the biggest advantage i had in my head in my head the biggest advantage is that not having to earn a living is a viable option that a lot of them get right like so some of them get and i think that the same amount i think that i think that you, if you are an attractive enough man, you could find yourself an older lady to take care of you. I think that that's a very high bar though. I think you have to be a really attractive young man. Whereas I think that most women in their mid thirties down to 18 and below, unfortunately, could find an older man to look after them if they so wanted to.

I can't think of any big fat cows of older female celebrities who have some arm candy. I think they just don't show it off. I think that it's happening, but you just don't show up to the red carpet with uh with javier but then they're not getting the same benefit then then they're not like together with them getting the money getting the life security they're just and the arm candy i i think yeah i think the arm candy part of it is just lost on women they don't give a fuck about that whereas for men it's almost like diamond ring wearing Rolex wearing private jet

riding limousine all that shit. Ric Flair style and a couple women too. I just watched the Ric Flair documentary on ESPN 30 for 30. One of the greatest pieces of entertainment in existence. Woo! I love it. I fucking love it.

Dick, have we won you over at all? Are you going to fuck as a girl yet? I like all this talk about lesbian stuff. That was good. When I change to a woman, do I keep my exact same brain or am I compelled to talk about stupid shit all day? No, I think you'll actually be funny.

What's the difference? You're instantly the funniest woman on earth. Yeah. I would actually try to go see how much free shit, just as a test, see how much free shit I could get every day. Just walk around. Hey, I like that. What's that sandwich?

I love it. Give it to me. Give it to me right now. Your car. Give it to me. Give it to me right now. All right, Karen. Calm down. I don't know if it's gonna be that easy yeah you're gonna have to suck some day well i would like yeah i would like to be a woman um i don't know that i would ever go back

uh i i think it would be easier in some ways and a lot harder in some ways and i just think the difference would be would be cool because i don't know i doubt i'll make it to 70 so i'm i'm middle-aged and uh let's live the second half of this life as a woman that'd be interesting right what do you say not having sex with someone i doubt i'll make it 50 woody we're gonna do some crazy shit in the next couple years you'll make do i want to though you'll be a cute 50-year-old. It's over at 48. My birthday's tomorrow.

I'm 48 tomorrow. Oh, happy birthday to Woody. What would you like for your birthday, Woody? You know what I actually want? So here's the thing. If it was something I could buy, I would just have it. I want Jackie to make those seemingly sinful anabolic desserts. Like the anabolic cookie dough or something like that.

That's what I'm wanting tomorrow. Yeah. Have you tried the French toast? No, but she's down. She's like, if they sell it at Whole Foods, I'll go make everything happen. Yeah, that's step one. Use egg beaters and not egg whites. Okay.

It's the same macros and they add some chemicals in there to make it yellow and to make it thick. Because egg whites look like the load you blow after you've been edging for four hours. Egg whites are what I eat every morning. I have an egg white omelet with salsa. Now you can think about that. Maybe we should switch. If you think that's going to stop me. Egg beaters.

Same exact macros, but they don't look gross and they taste better. And, you know, I'm sure you're throwing spinach and peppers in there anyway. We'll see. I think I told Jackie to get egg beaters and there was some complication. Like Target has it, but Whole Foods doesn't or something like that. But I'll ask you yeah french toast is really fucking good it's just you know it's just bread and egg whites and cinnamon and artificial sweetener and you've got really healthy french toast and then like

sugar-free syrup tastes just like regular syrup so like you know artificial sugar is such a wonderful thing to have invented we're blessed to live in that age really yeah artificial sweetener is uh is a magical thing yeah because sugar 500 years not even that long maybe like 100 years from now you'll be able to have whole treats whole pizzas i say that that totally calorie free what do you think the next breakthrough in technology is going to be that's going to be a wow i hope that is this in the context of food or any tech any any technology because i think we we discussed a few months ago or weeks ago shows ago um like what was the last piece of technology that came out when we were like wow and i may have said hdtv like like because i just remember walking into best buy for the first

time and seeing like a real like 1080p plasma television and of course they're always playing like something that displays well on it and the lighting is good in there and the tv section it's kind of dim so the those tvs are extra bright and just being like fuck fuck this looks so good and they were eight nine thousand dollars or whatever and it's just like oh my god but unobtainable there's no way i'm spending nine thousand dollars on like a television and then that to me was the last wow and then before that i think it was smartphones because i remember 2005 ish when um the businessman thing to have like like to like do your like the phone the businessman phone to have was the palm pilot the um what was it the the palm pilot trail trail yeah that's exactly it i had it it had a little stylus that

came out and you could you could operate the touch screen it had limited internet connectivity so you could do some like online stuff like you could log into like um it synced my calendar really well like that too yeah but it was huge it didn't it didn't have like a fully functional browser so no you didn't have all the knowledge of the internet in your pocket but you had a few online tools like calendar and email it was great because i had all my customer like calendar shit in there like i knew who to call on what days i i could log in to like certain um like like car websites and like get do do like background checks on cars and get get all sorts of information edmund i had an edmunds account and all that stuff it was super it was super strong i needed it it was great it's gonna be uh self-driving cars right that's my

guess for the next big wow thing is that already here or is that quite it's i would say i would say self-driving cars are almost percent here like like like it what you really want in my opinion is that futuristic car where you sit in the driver's seat voice command or whatever however you want to input it you're like hey take me to fucking dallas fort worth airport um let me know when we're 30 minutes out and then your chair can literally like your car driver's seat will literally rotate 180 degrees and you're facing your rear passengers having a face-to-face conversation like you're on a train or a plane or something and maybe there's a and like a table yeah like literally like you can be back there on a laptop like like not even giving a fuck about where you're going i feel like self driving self-driving cars to me fit in a category of robot almost right so you're right self-driving

cars huge and we all think about how that impacts trucking and stuff but imagine warehouses like self-driving forklifts and those just takes things off the shelf all the way up to the little boxing machine and does it without human intervention. Like these robots that just take it a step farther than we're doing right now, automate so much and changes the employment scene by so much that that'll be like a mankind changing, shifting tech. What do we do about jobs though? Like that's my big fear with automation. And one side would point out that, hey,

when they came up with the word processor and the computer, you know, all those typewriters went out of business. All the typists had to move on to something else, learn a new skill. All those typewriter companies were done for. This is different though. You didn't replace the typist.

You gave them a new instrument. It's like, okay, we went from swords to firearms. We didn't replace our whole army with robot men though. We still have soldiers out there going to war. I mean, I get that there's drones. I get there's drones, but there aren't robot men enlisting.'s a reason we that they're spending so much on those in the army national guard you're here or whatever the fuck i mean the fact that i know like the jingle for our fucking

armed forces and their and their slogans and their like like like their ad sales bullshit like goes to show like like we don't't have robot soldiers taking over our armed forces yet. So I don't think we just swapped tools like you pitched it. I think that people who used to have someone else do their typing for them started doing it themselves. That's what word processors brought a lot. It used to be managers didn't even know how to type. They couldn't find the keys. And now they write their own emails.

And the type pool is gone. I've made this argument before, so I'll say it in my fast forward. A long, long time ago, eight people fishing. They all use spears. Someone invents the net. Now that guy is eight times more effective. And we've got seven unemployed people. But they don't just stay unemployed.

I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Maybe maybe it was women doing the fishing, Woody. Now let's, look, Woody, let's spend an hour, 45 minutes going to circles. So those seven people, they're not unemployed. They just start building better huts and roads and they pave and do the next

level of thing. The hope is that when truckers don't need to be truckers anymore they you know they won't learn to code that's stupid you know but what is there for them like that's kind of the thing is like eventually you will get to a critical mass of where all the jobs that they would normally be like all right well uh we'll break into somewhere some other working class occupation oh well these are even more quickly automated than where we came from in trucking. Like if every truck was suddenly automated tomorrow, like that would destroy the working in part and the middle class. So that's like one in 10 middle class workers or something like that.

I don't know if this is an answer or not, but one nice thing about trucking is they're old. Something like 60% of truckers are over 55. So you might take that stat and say that truckers will age out as they are phased out. You know, all, most truckers have a job for as long as they want it, right? We're not going to replace them all in the next 15 years, but they're all going to be 70 in the next 15 years. All right. But work with me. So, so that's kind of nice, but but the i don't know if that answers it on like an economic level what are we going to do with people that would have been truckers i have the answer universal basic income is part a um because there just aren't going to be enough jobs

for everyone part two i think that if you do have this robotic workforce perhaps you can compete with the chinas of the world in manufacturing once again, right? And you can start exporting robot labor because it can compete with what is essentially their slave labor. Maybe. There's a construction parallel on that. It used to

be that if you needed a basement in China, they'd have like 200 people with shovels. And if you needed a basement in Colorado, they'd have like 200 people with shovels. And if you needed a basement in Colorado, they'd have one dude with an excavator. And then eventually now China uses an excavator too. It turns out that a dude with an excavator is more cost efficient than 200 with shovels,

even if they're paid like poor Chinese people or whatever. But maybe in manufacturing, if our robots get just a little better, then suddenly, hey, you know, our robots are cheaper than their inexpensive labor. And now we're competitive here. robotic workforce and paying our people a universal basic income, thereby perhaps freeing up at least some percentage of them for what I'm going to just call higher thinking, which maybe feeds back into like, I'm calling it higher thinking. And I'm specifying some of them, because I know what I do if you give me a universal basic income and it involves a lot of weed and a lot of television. OK, but some people will be freed up to, like, explore their artistic side.

Right. Or their creative side. If we actually want to make some money off of checks on Twitter, I need to go to their ivory towers. I agree. Yeah. checks on Twitter. I need to go to their ivory towers and agree. What if we just make more things illegal? Then we need way more police and we could pay all the truckers to

police each other. Just put sirens on those big rigs. Yeah, I like this. I mean, you know, shut down immediately. Cataclysmic. pull over by a big rig 30 people get out pulling over would be really voluntary though if he wants to lock you up he's got like a whole row of cells in the back of that thing I feel like I could

outrun a big rig in my f-150 not these ones they're souped up with no these are the Elon Musk Electro ones. Yeah, this thing has got more horsepower. I'll have to drive for 45 minutes straight to get away. I think with those, we always talk about how inefficient solar panels are on cars.

Slightly more efficient if the whole roof of a semi-truck is a solar panel, right? I'm talking out of my ass but right but like but it's literally more surface area by by quite a bit it's a question of the scaling right because i'm assuming the battery is that much larger too huge gotta be massive right yeah so i don't do we is it better or worse i don't mean for like fuel because like like you're driving all over the country there's going to be clouds a pretty significant portion of the time or it'll

be nighttime. Sure. Sure. All those things are true. Yeah. I was, I was just making a little bit of pontification there about the fact that the surface area is bigger.

We also need everything in much smaller trucks. Now they need more drivers. That's the old argument about like the guys who are digging the holes you just give them smaller shovels right yeah until after a while everybody's got a teaspoon and you've got a huge workforce yeah nobody's unemployed but everybody's poor shit kind of like the soviet union we studied this and so i had some business courses in college and uh it used to be this it used to be that ditch diggers were responsible for supplying their own shovels and uh this guy did a study i forget his name maybe

frederick taylor and basically he discovered this we should give these guys shovels and initially the businesses were like fuck off like i'm not gonna give this guy a shovel they're like no no no no these assholes they don't have good shovels. They've got like dirt shovels and they're shoveling coal. They've got coal shovels and they're shoveling dirt. If we give them the shovel for the material, then they'll be more efficient. And it'll make up for whatever you spend in shovels, you'll make your money back. And it turned out to be true.

And it's a big part of why people are given the supplies to do their work now you know if you're a computer programmer they give you your computer because if every asshole buys their own then they suck they bare minimum etc i can do it on my phone don't worry coal shovels are great big things because i guess coal's fluffy and light compared to like dirt that has to like poke and it's a different kind of shovel now mulch pitchfork would be something different still so now businesses give them the right tool and they were that made me think of a meme i saw like over the weekend it was like it was that big fat woman who's like talking to her like tiktok or something and she's like this guy said that i was too big

for him and i'd let him know that obviously he didn't have the right equipment to please a woman like me. So I was going to find a man who had the right set of equipment. And then it immediately cuts to this guy. He's like, this is the John Deere 85,000. It has a front end loader bucket capable of hauling 50 tons in one scoop. It is wider than the house. It is deeper than a whale. It's the biggest tractor I've ever seen in my life.

I literally didn't. I've watched like those Discovery Channel shows where they show off like massive machines. And I'd still never seen a tractor this fucking big. I was just dying laughing. I wish I had a tractor curious. I'll see if I can find it. It's industrial machinery. John Deere 85,000.

No, it wasn't a John Deere 85,000. It was, it was, um, it was that book color. They paint bulldozers that pale yellow. And it was,

it looked like I, I, I'll see if i can find like the exact video because it was fucking hilarious that is funny now i you know i you said something the other day you're like you know you watch a guy one time and youtube suddenly thinks you're infatuated with him and you want 10 000 more suggestions from that guy yeah uh not currently but i had been there with tractors before and YouTube was always like I know you like plowing videos I was like yeah I do I guess I'll watch another one LARPing is an 18th century

frontiersman cooking hard tack you want to pretend sea voyage and I love it and they're right to suggest it to me i watch a lot of it i like machines working our house fell behind on laundry and i typically don't do the laundry in our house and by doing the laundry i mean pushing it through the washer and dryer and uh it had just fallen so far behind i'm like i don't even think I need to buy more shirts. I think I just have 19 of them waiting to be washed. So I just, I like making machines work. I always have.

I've liked defragging a hard drive on the computer. Ever see that with the graphics where it makes you think it's doing something? I like mowing the yard because it just fucking put that thing in full throttle. It's doing a lot of work right just like work the scientific media like the force the the top the distance like it's working and uh suddenly i got into like washing and drying clothes and i'm like i have like 15 i have 15 cubic yards of clothing to wash. And I just like, I'm fucking like bench pressing in the,

it's been an hour and 15 minutes since I pushed clothes through. Take a break, put that shit through our washer and dryer. There's no more clothing to wash. Our whole house is done. There's like three lonely socks i'm like i can't do this in a load by itself but yeah i i got our what jesse so tell me when when you would put it in to the machine how long did you stand there and kind of enjoy the thrumming of it the the view of it hopefully you have a clear top you can i do have a clear top just like you're thinking and the the dryer is front loaded and the washers it's a top loaded like european style

so it doesn't have an agitator but it is top loaded yeah harry harry is yeah european style oh jesus anyway uh yeah yeah so i i watch it I make sure it's going. I make sure both machines are going. I look at how much time they have and take a note of when I need to return so that we don't get too much downtime. And sometimes the dryer needs to run twice because it's electric and it's shit. So now I have strong opinions on dryers. I didn't know. What were you thinking when you got this one? Clearly the amp so yeah so

i dude i have a washing machine now they just like if three loads get backed up and they take an hour and 15 minutes to go it will take me like three hours and 50 minutes like there's i'm just on it that shit is always working always churning i i am i'm the wash guy so you got yourself into washing yeah because i like it when machines do work on the meanwhile in the living room clean clothes were piling up and i'm like baby the laundry team's beating the folding team here i think you guys gotta spring to spring into action. And she did. Hope and Jackie, they fold everything. And I'm like, oh, you're out of folding. Challenge accepted.

You show up this time tomorrow, I'll have six loads for you. That's a promise. Yeah. I think, dude, like. Did you watch YouTube video later? Did you get into Woody where you run out of clothes? You can simulate washing clothes and computer environments? I'll be sleepy in bed, but not having fallen asleep yet.

I'm like, you know, I can push one more load through and have it work while I'm asleep. Here's the Roblox laundry simulator is there any way you can gamify the folding process because that's the worst is there like a machine you can have that folds t-shirts like from a factory like is there any way you can get your hands on an industrial clothes folding machine so you can work that into your assembly line i i have seen those like automated folding machines but they look so expensive i didn't even price them out they just look your birthday yeah touche yeah have you seen those things they use at nancy's where they like lay a shirt on it and then you just flip it like a book closed and it folds it up. That sounds like what I

saw. It just looked like it would cost $18,000 or something. Like too much. Oh, definitely what I'm talking about is not $18,000. It's like a foldable thing you lay a shirt on and you just fold it across the hinges and it folds it for you. What, you fold it with your hands?

With your hands. What are we, peasants over here? Are we going to go work at a Ramada? What do you need this functionality for? We got 15 cubic yards of laundry to fold. Colin, play out in the yard. No, more in the mud puddle. A new clothes.

You should have seen it. We had laundry baskets stacked as tall as people in front of the fireplace, just like just waiting to get folded. We had some catching up to do until the wood man took over. Quite the week. Tared in laundry. Tared in one of the like suits where the arms,

there's like two dummies on both sides of you where the arms all move together. Multiple shirts at the same time. In some way. You just strap in my iron pants. Next thing we see is like the doors of Shark Tank opening and you're walking with seven. Seven oppressed.

No, it's not five. What do you see? I think the QVC viewers are going to love this. I know. You can do anything. You can make ten stir fries at once. You can make anything you can do

with your hands. Don't think about it. Applications are limitless. A gang of toughs are coming at you at the end of the night. You're alone. Or are you? No, every punch is seven. You're clearing away. Suddenly I'm standing behind the couch with this innocent looking blonde girl and me and my seven.

Are you ready to get woodied? Yes. Yeah, see, this is a good idea. This is the life-changing technology. The biggest downside is you have to walk horizontally through houses and play for money. Alleys and corridors, turns, doorways.

You know what's going to be a world-changing technology that comes out? That was your original question, right, Woody? Alley's and corridors turns. Yeah. You know, it's going to be a world changing technology that comes out. That was your original crush question, right? Woody. Like imagine the lab. Oh yeah.

A lot. Imagine the last generation that is going to die. Like, and then they event the life prolonging one, right? And you're like, Oh, well sucks to be you guys,

I guess, but we're just going to go. I don't think there will be a last generation. I think there will be – Poor. I think it will be expensive. I think it will be some Gattaca shit where, like, there was – there's this, like, fall off between when, like, people started getting it

and didn't, and it was all based on income. And, you know, maybe, like, oh, yeah, Did you, how high did you score on your, your test? I got an 87. I got to get a 90 percentile to get the life extending formula though. I don't know. I'm going to, I'm going to go hit the books again, I guess. That. Wow. Right. Like, and, and how will it work? I think a lot of people have this idea that you just stop aging, but maybe they'll just reverse aging. Like, and how will it work? I think a lot of people have this idea that you just stop aging, but maybe they'll just reverse aging.

Like, I don't know what it is exactly. I've seen different studies. It's like the cellular breakdown. It's like the DNA replicating itself, and every time it replicates itself, it's a shittier copy. It's a little bit more flawed. That's hard to reverse. I read some, I'm not smart enough to

explain this but like something was shortening some sort of cell or compound was shortening and they can lengthen again and they've done it in mice they say i and i'm like fuck that's literally reversing aging like people just what i bet people look fucked up when they do it like you know like it ever see someone get a bad plastic surgery and then they age in this alternative plastic surgery thing where their smile and eyes are fucked up? I bet that's what age reversing is like. Well, he looks younger, but he doesn't look right. It looks all smooth. Weird.

Yeah. Remember the guy at the end, the the billionaire or the trillionaire in prometheus the one who's like going to the other place oh shit you're listening i'm just trying to explain uh he looks awful he looks he's like 120 or something like that and he just he's just like just let me see if i can find an image of him see i want him to be a terrible looking spry 120 year old like i know i look like, but my bones are dense and my muscles are strong. And I kind of like to run up the stairs a lot. I don't want to look okay, too.

I don't want to just become ghoulish over time. Like, if you get to 150, you're not even going to look human anymore. What I want to do is just bounce back and forth. Go from 18 to i was about to say 48 but what the fuck am i thinking go from 18 to 28 and just keep ricocheting back and forth well by that point they'll have like mind transfer technology so if you're like a wealthy billionaire you can purchase like you know two olympic swimmers had a baby and while that's still a baby you can pay to have

your consciousness transferred into the child imagine how you kick ass at school like i'm sure you could already spell better than me at first grade but you couldn't spell better than you at first grade you just go back and spelling be everyone that's true you just have a whole like age of kids where it's like a five-year-old like horny hitting on another five-year-old where it's like no dude you can't be doing this like she's actually five you're technically like 130 you can't be like pulling your little just a dick out at her like i mean ah the rules have changed i don't know what's the consequence time out i don't know. What's a compliment? A timeout? I don't know.

Like a spanking? I don't know. All right. So I want to talk about the weaponized autism of the $50 subreddit. So I wrote in there. Let's see how long it took them. At 9.52. It took five minutes.

I go, so I'm looking for a meme video from Reddit. It's a woman saying a guy didn't have a big enough equipment for, uh, because she's fat. And then it cuts to a guy demoing a gigantic piece of mining equipment, like a bulldozer weaponize your autism boys. And like a bunch of them are like on it, on it, on it. And then like at exactly nine 57, five minutes later, uh, our boy USPS comes through. Let me see if I can figure out how to direct link this because he sent the file. I'm just going to download it and then re-upload it. The entire file? He probably had it on his fucking hard drive.

What a fucking gangster. I know the video you're talking about. Or at least I know the machinery you're talking about. Cause I've seen a picture of the thing in that giant quarry and it's like a regular size, big truck next to it. And it's not even as tall as the bottom part of the tire. This is it.

I am to get ready. Yeah. I'm cute at zero. Nice job. You SPS. You are the man I'm going to try to think of some way to reward you for your tism. She's a large gal, I can tell from the blurry thumbnail. She's a biggin'.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that chin's full. She looks awful. She looks like the family guy when Peter Griffin dresses as a woman occasionally. She does. Wow. Couldn't be more perfect. I'm ready. Is everyone queued up at zero? I'm at zero.

Ready, set, play. So I'm a bigger woman and this guy tells me I'm not interested in talking to you because of your size. You obviously don't have the right tools for the job anyway, so Oh, I'm not interested in talking to you because of your size. I was like, it's okay, honey. You obviously don't have the right tools for the job anyway, so let's go find somebody with better equipment.

This is a 53 cubic yard rock bucket. The machine has a total hold capacity of 80 tons. From my perspective, the 53 cubic yard capacity is equivalent to about five normal dump trucks she could probably fit in there to about five normal dump trucks you'd see moving down the road this guy's just excited to talk about there's a little rock music on it so this is the 5357 rock bucket i like that he is bad himself yeah sure yeah he's a portly fella he's got the right equipment he looks like in this end screen of this doesn't he look like he's been green screened in and like a tim and eric sketch that's

that bucket is so big each of the i don't know what to call them the teeth yeah uh on it are miles bigger than his feet like like they're each of them look to be a foot wide a foot and a half long like like that rock bucket is a look how thick the walls of it are like the sides like like i can't tell how big those teeth are because like, like if you've ever watched bodybuilding, people angle the fuck out of it, right? They get like their, whatever muscle they want to look big near the camera compared to like,

say their waist farther from the camera. And it has a good effect. He is angling the fuck out of that bucket, right? He only looks the size of those teeth because he's closer. I think a little forced perspective perhaps. In any case, I think he's my spacing us. little forced perspective perhaps in any case i think he's my spacing us woody that's the theory yeah anyway that's good video good video good video

thanks boys yeah good video i like that i hope she saw it i hope somebody tracked that woman down and showed her that video ah Watch! You can't run! Everybody's loving it in the Discord. Damn, that boy was quick. Holy shit, man. This is a high level of autism right here. The Neuralink is in full effect.

What the fuck did you put in the search parameters? You gotta get done with it. Someone who failed goes, i guess i just dabble in autism i thought i was at least a journeyman lineup is one of the problem is he sees uh i'm a pretty good googler and i could not find it i don't know i don't know what he did and also not only he didn't find a link, he's got the downloaded version. I have no idea what he did. Do you want a new topic?

Yeah, sure. What do you got? How did your high school crush turn out as an adult? Anybody know? I have no idea. I don't know how she's doing now. She was doing fine as of a few years ago. Yeah.

Last time I heard, she was doing okay. Yeah, but not for many years. Of course, I don't pay her rent anymore, so I don't know how things are going since then. She's lost some income. Lost some income since I got the boot. I'm sure she's doing fine. My high school girlfriend who I used to answer the question,

I had all these long-term girlfriends in high school, so I didn't like crush. How long were you in high school girlfriend who I used to answer the question. I had all these long-term girlfriends in high school, so I didn't, like, crush. How long were you in high school? It was like I had, like, one girlfriend a year, mostly towards the end. Anyway, yeah, she married a guy. He was a networking engineer and moved to Arizona. So just did fine, I guess.

Stable life. How about you, Dick? I have multiple levels of security to make sure I never find out and I'm never able to drunkenly Google any ex-girlfriend. I put them into a... I send them to a special service

and they blank out the internet for me. I've got a box outside to prevent me from contacting any of them. Yeah, right? I only know one i only talk i only speak with one x uh she's she's got a kid she's doing great um i hope my little girlfriend still has that amazing pair of tits um but i don't know i've never looked never i've never even thought to look actually yeah i uh you know how like you, you ever be, like, using a piece of machinery, a chainsaw, or maybe you're the burner of an oven or a stove or, you know, something dangerous.

Or maybe, I hate to say it, but you've got a gun. And the thought crosses your head, like, what if I just stuck my hand in this blender? Or, like, what if I just shot myself through the palm? On traffic. Yeah, or what if I just stuck my hand in this blender? Or like, what if I just shot myself through the palm? On traffic. Yeah, or what if I just jumped in front of that car? Or I swerved in front of that semi-truck? The other night I was like, what if I just Googled my ex-girlfriend? I was like,

what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you thinking? What the fuck? Are you insane? Why would you have thoughts like this? Do I need medication? What were you doing when you had that thought? I was just watching television. And it just occurred to me, like, hey, I could Google her.

And then immediately, it was that same thought process of, like, swerving in from the semi-truck. It was like, god damn it. Keep a hold on things. What if that part of our brain had a split second longer of control like that what would you hope to gain from it like in the moment what was your thought like there'd be nothing to gain from it there'd be nothing to gain just curiosity i suppose but like there's nothing to gain from there because like she's not going i i just it there's nothing to gain horrible i'd hate it if she's doing great i would hate it

if she's doing middle of the road like there's nothing good but i that's up and she was just dead so what's the story that is did you leave on bad terms did you she is so addictive that it's like heroin and you don't want to oh it was bad terms bad terms bad terms you know it was bad terms was the pussy too good things went poorly at the end woody okay okay was it an explosion at the end or was it like uh six months of fuck it was there was... It was like one of those explosions that's so big it lasts for a few hours.

Like... You know when you see nuclear weapons go off in movies? And it's not just like, boom! It's like... And everything's being destroyed and there's that rolling pressure wave. The trees go... and all the leaves

are blown off when they like swing back into frame. Like houses just turn into matchsticks. Yeah, you know. I did something stupid and it didn't end well. My high school girlfriend.

So we just went to different colleges. That's why we really broke up i had how sweet i had the idea i like went to meet her and see her again over thanksgiving and i kind of knew that like it was over so i was like what we'll do is we'll have sex repeatedly and then we'll break up at the end of the weekend she had a similar idea we'll break up at the beginning of the weekend and then i'll go have sex so we're just not there's nothing in it for her so we hung out all weekend as friends not having sex we did hook up actually i kissed and maybe I felt a boob or something.

You'd already fucked her. That wasn't fun. It wasn't what I had in mind, but I actually had a decent weekend. We had a good time hanging out, but we just knew that I lived in New Jersey and she lived in Texas now.

That was that. What part of Texas? Austin, I think. It's a nice place. She watched those eyes walk away. She watched those calves walk right out of her lap. She did. Probably leaning against the door.

I'll never see those. Yeah. What do these calves look like? Like a human heart or something like that they're so they're so absurd i i actually work a fairly hard now but just for the memes like they're already like an out of balance body part i know you already have like that that elevated thing but i bet if you had like i've seen at the the gym, there's this thing. It's got, it's got the thing you put your like toes on or like the front of your foot on. And then it's got like a

yoke you put on your back. Like, like, like it's a, it's a bar that it's a pad that goes on either shoulder and your head goes up between them. And then you load the sides with plates so you can go crazy heavy. And then it's got an adjustment so that you can make it as tall or as short as you want. So you can do as much, you know, it'll never get to the point where like you go down flat and it's crushing you or anything like that. Like you can always get out of it. You know, all you got to do is like you keep your shoulders strong. And then when you when you release them, you're released. You know how when you squat, you can unrack much more weight than you can squat.

For sure. That is how I do my calf exercises now. I just throw a couple hundred pounds on my back and I do the toe raises in the squat cage. Yeah. On the barbell. Yeah, but I was just saying that they make that machine that you could load 500 pounds on there if you wanted to and go deep as fuck.

Do like fucking 10 sets of three. I'm going to break it. Like 300 pounds. But, uh, yeah, anyway, abs are silly.

You know, the scariest injury to me though, from something like that would be Achilles. I'm so afraid of Achilles injuries. Like I, I'd much rather blow out a knee. me, though, from something like that would be Achilles. I'm so afraid of Achilles injuries. I'd much rather blow out a knee. It seems like we're really good at fixing knees and elbows because of sports, but they haven't quite figured out. I say that, but Achilles injuries are common in sports too,

but it seems like they're never quite the same again. Hip injuries and Achilles injuries and stuff like that like those guys are just fucked yeah i don't know why that's true but i i agree i they just they're not the same i think it's because there's no like backup it's like this is it you've got one thing here that does the whole job whereas in your knee it's like oh yeah you got the mcl and the acl and there's this meniscus thing and like there's like a whole web of like tendons all sort of working together and if one pops like like my cousin Scott like I think it's his MCL is like almost sheared in half but as long as he wears a knee brace he's 100% fine I don't mean

like a hard knee brace I just mean one of those like soft things you pull over your foot and these grow back nice too so So when I blew my ACL, they made a new ACL out of patella. Patella is your kneecap and it goes from your kneecap to your shin bone. So what they do is they just grab a little bone from each spot,

remove the middle third of the patella and make an ACL with it. I don't know if people can picture this. And I'm like, doesn't my patella suck now? Right? Because you took the middle third out of it. He's like, no, it grows back.

And I'm like, all right, you say it grows it grows back but how does does it really grow back well he's like oh yeah if you blow your acl yeah five years from now i could take that same patella again it was like well fuck that's like lizard shit five years though it takes a little while to get you know harvestable but yeah i mean it's been five years or more. Nick, what's the worst injury you've ever had? My high school girlfriend broke my heart. Oh, my God. Did he take that pill where he turns into a girl?

This is the guy who's trained himself to do laundry all day. Those are the sheets. who's trained himself to do laundry all day. Those are the sheets. I broke this tendon. Well, let me see. I broke this collarbone and busted all the teeth out of my head when I was a lot younger. How did you get all the teeth out?

Playing baseball, oddly. I dove into an outfielder and his leg, his shin kicked me right in the face and collarbone so oh wow same thing what broke my collarbone and knocked all the teeth out of my head but i had braces on so they were all like held in kind of in place so they were like yep pushed in um yeah so i woke up and like all of my teeth are kind of half into my head there's a searing pain in my neck which is because the collarbone just the bones just grind on each other yeah those don't heal right no they do not and there's all this blood um how did the accident will you go

for a fly ball like the same fly ball yeah i called it too i called it i'm a loud guy i know i fucking called it um he wanted the glory i guess did he get confusing it can't like there's this weird like fighter i don't know what it is about fly balls like like there's something in our and it's evolutionary evolutionarily um oh god i'm glad filthy's not here. That like makes you want to like get that ball. And you're like, you're already, you're already on it.

You're like, I got it. I got it. And somebody, somebody calls you off of it. There's a little bit of you that wants to be like, just keep going, but you've got to,

you're going to fucking go off. Is there a priority? Like if I'm playing center field and your left field and I call it, do I outrank you? Yes. Yeah. If you're coming in this priority and there's like the the catcher will often have priority in the infield uh if it's like a pop-up

it it really it's the guy who calls it and oftentimes they'll repeat i got it i got it i got it i got it like because like i mean you we've probably seen the bloopers from mlb games where like the pitcher the first baseman and the catcher are all standing there and then there's some confusion and the ball bloop, drops between them all and these jackasses who are making a combined $80 million a year just fucking

maybe lost a game because nobody could figure out who wants to catch something a child could have caught. That's a good one, Dick. Jesus. That's pretty fucked that's pretty fucked so break your collarbone in a baseball and oh yeah the collarbone does not heal back right i don't know what yours looks like but a buddy of mine i played hockey with he got checked into the boards like he went in too straight and it crunched one of them and like it healed back to where it's like one side of his

body's a little bit shorter now and it's like layered. So you can see the normal collarbone, the double thick part. And as he was sitting in the locker room before they even took his pads off, he started turning green because apparently it's so painful. And he just vomited all over the place. It's extremely painful. It grows back together crooked. They just put you in a sling. And pretty much any time you like twist or put your shirt on, it just feels like the insides of your bones grinding together.

I don't know why they don't fix it better. You sure can. Most bones – okay, I don't understand why you can't. If you were to shatter your shin bone in four places, they would take a bunch of plates and make them kind of splints and reassemble your leg bone to be roughly what it was. And then it would grow the rest of the way. But with collarbones, they don't do that. Well, you'd have to cast. It's like when you break a rib.

They can't cast your torso for something like that because you're still mostly mobile. And when it grows back together, the sides that grow back crooked, they'll migrate to the other side. Like eventually, it'll grow back kind of, you know, 80%, 90% touching. And then the excesses on both sides will wear themselves down over time and migrate to the other side. What if they put something like a Chinese finger trap around it and just heal it? I think that'd be surgery, right? What I describe with the leg

was surgery too. You bust up your leg badly and I don't know if they're called splints, but the metal plates function as internal splints. Then they hold it together while the bone reheals. I'm not a doctor uh i don't know i

assume they'd have to put you under something and then there's just a risk of you dying after the first week it wasn't bad but doing it was doing it was bad how about you guys did taylor freeze for everybody in the pledge of of Allegers. Oh, yeah. He's pledged. I mean, that guy, I keep thinking that's a muscle man behind him that's about to attack him. His boxing dummy back there. Well, that's weird. We lost Taylor. I'm sure he'll be back in time.

Speaking of working out um which you guys always are i got into cobra reflex bag a reflex bag workout uh which has been amazing tell me if you guys ever so it's this it's a boxing bag that's got it's got a platform that's full of sand one of those like bases that's full of sand and then it's got a spring on the bottom of a pole so that you hit the punching bag and it goes out and then comes back at you uh like a kind of like it seems like a child's toy like one of those things that kids punch and it goes down comes back up but, but it's just an adult version. Almost like a more mobile speed bag. Go ahead.

Yeah, yeah. It's like a speed bag, but it moves more, and you can move around it more, and it comes back with more force. If you don't move out of the way and it hits you, it'll sting. What's the name of it? I'll try and find a picture. Cobra bag or reflex bag. It looks like a – it's kind of like an upside-down speed bag.

Oh, yeah, I've seen those. It's fun. It's like a fun workout. I saw a kid running one of these. Like, a 12-year-old. Like a fucking pro. Like, it was scary to watch him do it. Yeah, those are cool that's cool so i opened the garage and let i put on some old man like blue underwear like boxers and a wife

beater and i go out there and spats and i go out there and work out like an old man boxing i draw a little anchor tattoo on my arm just to freak you know like just to show everybody in the neighborhood who's boss um it's a fun workout though uh cardio workout do you think it makes you better at fighting i don't know at i'm 40 years old i just turned 40 uh in october i think the best at fighting i'm gonna be is to just never do it at any cost. Like if I can shoot squid ink at somebody and just run away, that's probably the best course of action for me. It's good core workout though. Get on your toes.

That's cool. How long do you do it? I feel like I don't have much cardio. I'd tuck her out pretty quickly. One South Park episode is how long I do it. Wait, you do it for like 20 minutes? Yeah, man. You get locked in.

Do your combos. Coming in. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. The best exercise is the one you like because you actually do it. The one you do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know how anybody does one of those fucking, um, like bikes. I know you like that shit, but that seems to, that seems awful. It seems like an elliptical is so much nicer or even going outside for a jog. Um,

the rowing machine isn't terrible, but just pedaling just seems so monotonous to me i think gamifying it and having like online bike races would be pretty cool it'd be interesting that'd be interesting one like so greg doucette does it i know you know him he's a youtuber he's a fitness youtuber and uh he's good he's category b and I just look at how hard they work and I'm like, fuck. It's like you can't dabble in this. You can hop on a rowing machine,

be terrible, get a good warm-up or workout and then hop off. That level of effort in these bike races will get you 58th out of 60 place. Everybody's taking this seriously and you just you know dropped what what they should what would be more appealing and i would think more popular is if the zwift system had multiple uh workouts like if you could attach it to a rowing machine and you could be in a rowing race with a

bunch of other people but potentially like like you and me could be in a boat together right and our come but we'd have to get our strokes synced and uh that'd be cool or then like with like a cross trainer uh you know if that was a thing they could like just attach to the zwift mechanism and like everybody in there is using cross trainers or a stairmaster like like any of the cardio like sit in one place do a thing machines could attach to a zwift and i love that idea i do think they have running but um the idea of like your stroke being better when it's synced and shit like that'd be fun. Yeah, I agree. Yeah.

And, you know, rowing in general, you both had to be synced. The idea of making it a team sport, I think makes everything better. Like I've never really enjoyed playing like most video games by myself. Like caught by yourself is kind of lame, especially in a team game. I used to play a lot of cage match. That's a little different. But like I'd never play like TDM by myself. Like, COD by yourself is kind of lame, especially in a team game. I used to play a lot of Cage Match, but that's a little different. But, like, I'd never play, like, TDM by myself. It's just no fun.

But doing something like that would be kind of interesting. Like, maybe if there were a tandem bicycle mode for Swift, or, like, we had to sync our... That would be fun. What if you were getting feedback from your machine if I was going too slow and I was dragging you? So in cycling, drafting is a huge part of it.

So there are literally like teams of guys on Zwift working together. You know, like if you go off the front, your whole team is not helping anyone catch you. And, you know, they're almost blocking it and stuff. Yeah. So that's fun. They have running too, although I haven't seen that be popular. I don't know how that would not be cheated. Like aren't they on a treadmill?

Cycling gets cheated too. Yeah. So in cycling, a big metric is. Watts? It's like watts, but it's watts per pound or something. Like, you know, if you produce more watts than me, but you're heavier than me, I might be faster. Exactly. So how do they get people not lying about their weight?

And then I'll watch very good people pull like – these guys are very good. This one guy I'm thinking of in particular won the European championship at the end of the year. And he gets like seventh in a race. And the people who beat him had... 750 watts or something. Yeah, the number would be more like six. But right, you know, six watts per pound or something like that. Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, right. That's what happened. So I don't know if they're cheating their weight, if they're on e-bikes, you know, that literally have battery powered helpers or like they cheat somehow though are there any like pro cyclists like tour de france guys who do the swift and just blow everybody out of the water there are and um it they don't blow everyone out of the water though they don't try hard and some people feel like it's an insult like you know

this is a team that like will literally compete in the tour de france and then they go in and just fuck off in a race and everyone is like well why like we wanted to i'm the best online cyclist there is i wanted to take you on and i think that well you know look i recognize who you are Some of the things that make you so good don't count here. You know, this isn't the actual street. You can't bump my shoulder. I'm a genius. They're like power-ups.

You know, like you can drive over a part of the course and make yourself lighter for 30 seconds. Well, I'm clever because I always use these on hills and I use this one on breakaways. Shoot the turtle shells at the guys behind you, banana peels and such. Sure. So they're thinking that while, look, I can't handle your watts per pound because you're a professional here in my world, I might actually beat you. You know, heck, I'll say this. I bet I can beat most Navy SEALs at call of duty, right? It's different. So, uh, that's what they're thinking and then they go on

there and they just do the equivalent of spinning in circles and not giving a fuck and yeah they don't make them vulnerable to be embarrassed by video game bicyclists don't they understand that's exactly it but i feel like that's kind of weak behavior. Look, if you say I'm the best real-life bicyclist around, but it's hard to beat video game bicyclists at video game bicycling, then okay. I get it. But they just...

There was a Call of Duty tournament, and all the YouTubers went and competed in it. And then one guy showed up, and all the YouTubers went and competed in it. And then one guy showed up and he's like, I'm doing it pistol only. You didn't win. Disqualified. Yeah. What you did is you made it so that you couldn't be measured. Yeah.

Yep. That's exactly what he did. That's like, I don't know. That's like showing up for the Olympics and wearing a fucking track suit instead of getting your speedo or something right it's it's it's like yeah i'm not really taking it seriously so if i lose i lose you know if i beat anybody though you just got fucked on yeah get out of here get out of here i'm of that i always whenever i play my nephews at smash brothers i always put it on the random character selection so it's partly because

i want i don't play that game and i want to see what all the characters are doing but it's also because i am not as good as them and i don't want everyone to know like i'm not as embarrassed as i should be when i lose as rosalina or olar or whatever piece of crap it picks for me. And they're always playing as Captain Falcon or Rob. So my sister called. She knew I was doing this and called me out in front of everybody a couple weeks ago. And I'm like, all right, well, okay, I'm picking Rob then. Like, I'm going for the cheapest one possible if that's what we're doing.

And we went, I went toe to toe with a five-year-old. With five guys lost. And it went all the way down to the very last hit. Like, the sudden death, we're moving into it. And I hit him, luckily. It was like one of it and i i hit him luckily it was like a one of those risky moves where if he blocks it or moved i'm totally fucked and exposed and he's like a little savant like he he plays he's five years old and he plays like tommy the pinball wizard or like the kid from the whiz like walks in and just plays i hit hit it. He goes flying and I was so elated. I dropped the controller and just screamed, yes! Like jumped up

yes! And I turn around and he's like, he just has this big smile on his face because he was so happy to be playing. He was like, good job! I'm like, oh man! You totally took it away from me by, you just totally big bleeped me by like being a good sport about it. You little fuck! You just totally big bleaked me By like being a good sport about it You little fuck And then

But he kicks my ass all the time I've tried since then I can't even touch him So I'm one of those guys He's five? Yeah he's five That's young to be better than you like if he was eleven And his brother's not His brother's seven

And he's not better than me. But the five-year-old is just like a machine with Smash Brothers. He's a viral little fucker, too. Like, he's a really unnaturally strong kid. And he likes wrestling. He likes hitting. So I don't know if that translates into fighting games. But goddamn, he's a dangerous dangerous little boy at smash brothers

i was terrible at games when i was five of course the games i had when i was five was like super mario brothers like i never beat super mario brothers at five yeah me i don't think i ever beat that game 1978 i don't think there were games when I was... NES was 1986. No, my brother had an Atari that played Pong. I think this is before Atari. Yeah, the Atari

2600. My friend had one. But at five? Checkers time, boys. Right? Yeah, checkers. Who wants to play a rousing game of tic-tac-toe in the barrel? You know that?

We just took the hoop off the barrel and pushed it down the street with a stick. Playing fucking marbles and shit. We played jacks. Oh, wow. That is some. That's the game you see kids playing in Westerns. Like, if you watch Little House on the Prairie, they're playing Jax and Marbles.

Woody's like, oh, yeah, Laura's pretty good. Yeah, Jax is actually cool. Marbles, I guess you need a really good surface to play on or something. Like, it seemed chance-based. Yeah, I always saw kids playing in the dirt the dirt okay yeah you know you like make the circle i i'm sure about a bunch of our listeners have no idea how you play fucking marbles but my understanding is you draw a circle in the dirt you throw a whole pile of marbles in there and then each person has like a big marble i think it's

called an eggy or an aggie or something and you take turns shooting it you know you squeeze it like pops out of your hand at the pile of marbles and you see how many you can knock out per shot or something like that if you're hardcore the marbles that you knock out you keep yeah i think that's the deal you're like playing for pink slips but it's marbles yeah i watched this, uh, ridiculous, I don't know. I'm on Reddit a lot. And I saw this clip from what looked like some kind of a Russian talent show or something like that. And the interviewer is interviewing a child,

a three year old chess prodigy. And he's in the interviewers wearing like a tuxedo and everything. And it's all in Russian. So I got to, I have subtitles and, uh, and, and the idea is that the three yearyear-old is going to play chess

against the host of the show. And he's like, well, Alexei, they're sitting at the chessboard and they're just about to play. And he goes, well, Alexei, I have a confession to make. I, unlike you, don't know how to play chess. So I've invited a friend of mine to come play you in my stead. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome 12th grand champion,

USSR master of sports, winner of the commendation of Stalin award. Like all these, all these like, like accolades, Sergei, you stop. And they play like oh and this guy's walking out with a fucking tuxedo of his own he's like straight in his

fucking coat and everything in the crowd's going wild because i guess jess is popular there and and it cuts to the kid and he's crying. Mommy! And I read the comments to see what happened. And they're like, yeah, he beat that kid mercilessly. He didn't hold back a bit. He just slammed that three-year-old in chess on national Russian television and then took some photos with him afterwards and left that's funny it was so good he's just like the list of this guy's accommodations it was like when they introduced the calise in game of thrones he's like fucking king of the andals and the first man

fucking breaker of chains the unburnt the un blah blah blah just on and on though this guy's accomplishments fucking one of the top 20 chess players on the fucking planet they brought out to play a three-year-old who was pretty good is there like a slight difference between catching like a pass from brett farve and like just getting him charging on you as like a little kid you're like oh yeah i got a pass from brett for my i love brett barb and he was like okay no you're actually gonna have to try to stop him you're gonna have to try to stop this guy yeah there's a big fucking difference that's the difference between us and the russians i think i think i think maybe they've just got like a mean sense of humor of course i guess we all do because i thought that was hilarious i just don't think you'd see that

on on like one of our tv. I don't think that would happen. Maybe they'd do it, but then the guy would lose to the kid to really pump him up and it'd be a little wink at the camera. But over there, they're just like, show no mercy. Kid's fucking crying. Do you know who Adam Conover

is? No. You'll recognize this picture. Say that again? Is he the guy that ruins everything is yes he's the guy that ruins everything uh i'm just getting a picture you're gonna recognize anyway this guy is just like annoying liberal cuck and uh and that's coming from me so uh his nose is far too small for his face um i saw the glasses on i saw him on the joe rogan podcast he was the older one and he had this idea that the reason men are better at sports is that sports were designed around men's strengths and if we were designed a sport around the things women were better at that they would be better at sports

and i'm like exactly what are they better at help me with. So here is the challenge. Can you design a sport that women would beat men in? Because it's tough. Like you could say, I take out all the physical challenges, right? Men are better at darts. Why is that? Why are men better at chess? Why do women need separate billiards leagues to protect them from the men? What sport would women be better at? to protect them from the men. What sport would women be better at? His example was gymnastics. He's like, women are better at men than at gymnastics.

No, they're not. And he's like, well, men don't do the uneven bars. Men don't do something else. And in my head, I'm like, if men did the uneven bars, they would wipe the floor with the girls. Is there a reason they don't? I don't know it. I don't know. I'm going to if men did the uneven bars, they would wipe the floor with the girls. Is there a reason they don't? I don't know it. I don't know. I'm going to find out.

What sport would women beat men in? I think it's Instagram. Is that a sport? Can that be a sport? Generate a lot of Instagram every day. I've noticed I would never subscribe to a man, to a man's Instagram. I'm going to look up who the biggest Instagram influencers are.

Yes. Universe. Is that a sport for women? Why do we have to, I got one. Okay. So apparently the balance beam is a sport that women are better at now. And there is a biological reason.

It's because women generally carry their weight in their lower bodies. An apparatus like the balance beam would have been better suited for them. Men, on the other hand, generally have greater upper body strength. So events like the rings, the high bar, and every other Olympic sport and event sort of leans toward them. I think Woody, though, might have an edge on some of these ladies with his heavy lower body he could be the outlier yeah fuck it's like that high school girl that bullied me with the whole thing i'm just bottom heavy like a girl um goodness uh okay Goodness. Okay, so women are better at balance. I question that.

I question that. I don't doubt that women are more bottom heavy. I just think that men will get determined and be better at balance beams. They'll be doing double front flips. They'll make it extreme. I don't know. According to the internet, men don't do the balance beams and that's why um i think something about uh i read something about the um the uneven bars

or the parallel bars or something like that and the reason men don't do one of those is because they already have two events that are so similar um it's like but but it has nothing to do with them not being as good at it it's what about more is that club club is could that be a sport did you say i mean club only if we fight for books at the end going getting together and drinking wine and talking about books is that sounds fun in mind i can drink i can't talk about a book for that long i could come on if it was a book you actually liked like you know you know like you probably don't read too much i don't think many people do uh i didn't normally i read as a kid obviously because you'd be compelled to um we had this thing called like, uh, real relay for life. And, uh, you could either

walk a lap, which was, I think a quarter mile and you'd get one point or you could like the, there were books that had point totals, uh, uh, like, like assigned to them. So like, oh, you read little house on the Prairie. That's 13 points. And after you read it, you take a test to prove you read it. And so like, I was just like, I could walk for days or I could read this book this weekend, you know, and, and, and like got ahead by it. And so I read a ton, uh, that, that year of school. But then obviously when I was locked up, I was reading continuously for 60 days. So like that, I kind of had a little book club myself just

me and my my pal snow you know we'd walk around the track together and he talked to me about you know dealing methamphetamine and i talked to him about harry potter i've heard kyle i've heard kyle tell stories of what happened in a TV show, and then when you actually watch the TV show, it pales in comparison to Kyle's version of telling it. I bet Snow got a pretty good Harry Potter performance. He did. I like telling stories.

I like reiterating things oh by the way i on pkn this week i suggested that people watch the stand that was my recommendation usually i like to think that my team my entertainment recommendations are pretty good i finished the stand and i think i will withdraw my recommendation or at least downgrade it because I didn't finish the book. That was the last book I was reading when I was locked up. And I only got like a tenth of the way in, which is saying something because this is one of those hefty Stephen King novels. A little more weed in that package, you would have finished it. A little more weed in that package and I'd have finished The Stand and like all of the short stories.

And I'd have moved on to fucking Dean Kuntz or something like that. You'd be in the stand and like all of the short stories and i'd have moved on to fucking dean coontz or something like that dictionary right now yeah we'd be we'd be getting all the way to the r's in the fucking encyclopedia britannica or some shit uh but yeah i think when i recommended it i was on like episode seven and i picked it back up like wednesday and i finished it and man it just took this downhill spiral so like the first seven episodes they set the pieces on the board so that you know where they all are and you've got like the antichrist is chilling in vegas with all these naked fuckery and he's just invincible seemingly he can fly or at least levitate and then whoopi goldberg she's got her like group of people in colorado who are all the

goody good to shoot goody goody good people and then you got like these a couple of spies amongst the goody good people who are just really well acted like creepy fucking villainous characters and you're like i don't know how they're gonna deal with the antichrist like well acted, like creepy fucking villainous characters. And you're like, I don't know how they're going to deal with the antichrist. Like these people wouldn't be able to deal with Negan. Like if, if a warlord just rolled through with like a, a few bandits with assault rifles,

they just get wiped out. How are they going to deal with the antichrist who has seemingly 20,000 like evil people working for him and he can fly. And they wrapped it up completely in two and a half episodes. And it had, it was such a downer. Um, I'm going to spoil it.

So anybody who's like listening to this and they, they do want to watch it, like don't listen to the next 30 seconds of this. But, uh, cause I think it is worth watching um it's not awful it was just it went from like a setup that i thought could have been great to like all right whatever they get to las vegas and god just kind of shows up in the form

of a white orb and just kills everyone like it goes full sodom goes full sodom and gomorrah and god literally nukes vegas like there's a nuclear bomb there he shoots it with one of his magic lightning bolts after lightning bolting uh the antichrist until he disintegrates and he blows up all of las vegas including two of our main characters because fuck them even though they were on their knees praying to god they got new too they're gone and uh in the end like the only two surviving characters are like your main guy like good-looking white guy and i'll call. And the second survivor is the special needs guy who was masterfully acted. He might be the best part of his whole thing. There's a special

needs guy who has like a memorized speech. He says, every time he meets someone, he goes, hello, my name is Jacob Morris. I have special needs. i do not understand social cues if i say something that is inappropriate to the moment or the situation please let me know i am capable of manual labor and i cannot read hello and and and like he just that he has that memorized and like you can't but he's great he is the lynchpin that makes everything possible they send him into like scary las vegas as a spy and he's the only one who survives they send three spies he's the only one because because because he is retarded the devil can't read his mind. That's a plot point. They're like, perfect. We've cracked the code.

He can't read the jumbled mess that is his mind. Yes. He's like an EMP for telepaths. He really is. The Antichrist is talking to one of the spies. He's like, I know about your other friend, you know, out in the desert. Pretty smart staggering yourselves on your entry into the city. That you wouldn't uh you know look like a group but where's the third at i don't where's the third and she's like you can see everything but you can't see that huh it's like yeah i don't know

why she's like there might be 30 more it's like no no might be 30 more. He's like, no, no. There's one more. Where? Who? Well, I certainly hope this mystery third person doesn't find that pamphlet I wrote with exact instructions on how to defeat me. Kyle, we talked about the stand on PKN. I was like, I swear I've seen this. And it starts off good as they like lay out the universe and it ends disappointingly and i looked it up and it was a 2020 thing and i'm like i

the stand is a 1994 miniseries based on the same source material you knew that yeah uh and i was all right well anyway it it sucked you must have seen that similarly yeah yeah i remember when it was on tv yeah i don't know man i i really like stephen king he's bad at endings um weirdly he doesn't struggle with that he's bad endings i i think what part of what makes him great was his cocaine addiction and his sick mind but but he would just um he had this ability to just just go and go and go and flesh out characters exceptionally well like sometimes he spends too much time if you if you're looking for a quick read he's not it uh you know he himself has admitted or he's mentioned that he has been accused of diarrhea of the word processor as he puts it and because like each character gets this vast backstory so

by the time you get to the main like uh salem's lot for example i tried to read salem's lot a couple of months ago in the free world and god i was like six hours in and the main story had moved an hour and the other five hours had been spent teaching me about each of my main characters and i was like all right finally i know all i know all the pieces are in play and i know every one of them perfectly well i know their backstory i know their motivations and then they introduce a new character and it's like all right i'm done i'm fucking done that shit is unreal i read this book from stephen king recently all right within the last year or two and it's about like all these kids with like special powers of the mind or something like they get taken to a special school what was it called i don't remember what it was called the asylum or

something like that what was that dick x-men wasn't X-Men. It was the Stephen King book. But so they all go to the special school and whatnot. But like, you're right. The first, and it's a thousand page book. You're 400 pages in. And like, you're just now finishing up about learning about Ian, the ninth kid. And they're all, all the stories have happened within the confines of this school. And then you're like, fucking finally. And you finish that that and i remember turning to the next page and it was like it was a beautiful beach day for sandy uh it was like 30 years earlier it's like oh

no come on man come on we cannot get to page 500 and you're introducing brand new beeline plots in the past for minor characters from the first third. He gets in his own head with that. Was it called The Institute? It was called The Institute, and it was a great plot, but that book could have been 300 pages shorter without missing out on much. What was the one that Kyle liked it especially,

and I think the title was a number, a date. 11-22-63. The show? He weaponizes autism too. I just want to quit. Kyle has his old lane of things that he's very good at. Anyway. Absolutely. Yeah, that

thing set up a universe that was super fascinating but then there were other parts of it that i don't know you didn't like the love story and i found it so endearing it was it the love story oh yeah so it's the story of uh essentially like i'll skip over most of it just to get to the point it's a time traveler who's trying to prevent the Kennedy assassination, but he's not able to go to the day before. He has to go to six years before and live for six years in the 60s. And so while he's back there, he finances himself by continuing to teach school as he did in modern times, as well as do the whole Marty McFly thing and use

his sports almanac to gamble a bit and keep himself afloat. Well, he falls in love when he's back there. And it's this beautiful love story with this damaged woman who has like her own baggage. And, and you, you,

you come to like care as much about how his love story with her is going to end up as you do about whether or not he's going to save john f kennedy you really do you're like fuck kennedy it's all about the girl you know like like like 80 of this book is not about what the book is about right that's another way to view it 80 of this book is about this guy's relationship with this woman this woman's relationship with her ex-husband the like neighbors figuring out where he comes from whether or not his uh betting is going to be approved or disapproved by the loan sharks or something like that like that you really want to know what happens if kennedy survives what this alternative timeline is like that's what this

that's what they set up there's the rules of time travel in this universe are that like he walks to this door and he enters this time i don't think he can choose the time but he walks in there it's a couple years it's the same every it's always the same he has a portal to a specific day yeah i think it's 61 or 62 he can like save someone's life but then if he walks back through that portal it's undone right so did or better yet if you walk through it a second time it's undone so i go that's what it is i save a life and i go back and it's cool if i go in again like to save a second life no no no no you've reset to the original you have to say both if

you want that to be the case so does he eventually have to like save his girl but it will kill kennedy or something uh if i recall correctly he saves kennedy and he's got the girl maybe but saving kennedy turns out to be a mistake it was terrible for humanity not wonderful like he thought So he has to walk back through. He has to kill Kennedy. Yeah, he saves Kennedy, loses the girl in the process. She dies in his arms. And when he goes back to see what came of it, it turned out that changing time not only created a lesser timeline

but it also like sort of fractured reality in a way so the future is a is not only a let it's not just that like oh kennedy lived so vietnam actually got real bad and like we never like the cold war never ended like those those, I think those things were true, but also like now we live in like a hundred years of darkness and there are like earthquakes all the time because reality is kind of tearing itself apart. Like, like he damaged space time and like mission fail, mission failed.

And so then he's like, maybe I just go back and he has this one well all he has to do is like go back in this is how i would write this show let's see all he has to do is go back in and then walk back out and it rinses away everything he did the first time everything he did and he has this one thought of like redo it yeah he even considers like maybe i'll go back and try to like have that relationship again but then he's just like shit i'm 10 years older now like like i was already 10 years her senior now i'm 20 years older like this isn't gonna work oh he doesn't bounce back with any age stuff no he's aging while he's in there. Yeah.

What year is he coming from? He's coming from like modern day. Like when the book was written was probably like late 90s, early 2000s, something like that. After Kennedy didn't die, it got terrible fast. But not so much because of Kennedy, more because the guy who made the time machine fucked up. It was more because altering time is just a no-go it it it it damaged the universe in some way like like is it they're like earthquakes all over the world like terrible earthquakes all the time and the sky is darkness and there are lightning storms and like the streets are full of like roaming hoodlums doing violence. Which bothered me a lot. Like if he really focused on, hey, here's an alternative timeline

where without Kennedy's death, people didn't get motivated to fight the Red Army. People didn't do this. People didn't do that. Vietnam played out in a different way. I think there maybe was no Vietnam. And then... I think that's the case, yeah.

It turns out that Vietnam actually got America to move in the right direction for some later problem. So it sucked, but at least it was good in this other way. And like that, I would have really liked. But thunderstorms and earthquakes and volcanoes and shit like that. It's like this is just like a cop out. Yeah, that's lost the plot. Yeah.

It should all be time related. Not like, oh, the rift has caused geological and thermal disruptions that's how he is with endings man they don't end the way you want like look um and then like like this ended better and the sweetest part of the whole thing is once he gets back to modern times and he resets and we're back to square one. He decides to go to the woman he loved to her, like to like look her up and she's still alive, but she's very old. And he,

he sort of sits in the audience while she's like receiving her lifetime achievement or award for teaching. And, and it's this super sad moment where like he asks her if he can have a dance with her. She's like 80 and he's like 40 and uh they sort of have a slow dance at this big ball that's in her honor and she's like you look very familiar did i did i teach you did you pipe me down about 60 years ago and because

like she you know because like he's reset the timeline she's never met him before but there's some sort of residual sort of thing there. Yeah. There's some shadow of, of reality that's happening there. And it's this really sad tender moment. That's beautiful. But then,

like you said, the earthquakes and volcanoes and stuff was just kind of a cop out, kind of lame, didn't care for it. Uh, I wish it had just been, Oh, this timeline sucks.

That would have been plenty for me. Um, but I think they really had to hammer home that like, there's no way he can go back and fix anything and and also like maybe going back and just like being with this woman would ruin reality i think i think i think they had to like make that clear for the characters so he wouldn't go back and do anything that's the same one where he saved a person's life right and he had to save a lot of people diarrhea same one where he saved a person's life right and he had to save a lot of diarrhea yeah yeah yeah like the thing about going back and changing the past is as as the book puts it time is trying to stop you and the bigger the thing you want to change is the harder time tries so if you're

just trying to i don't know like buy some meat in the past and bring it to the forward time to save some money on ground beef which is what the original that's where you're an example of time traveling it's an example from the book me oh it's an example straight from the book because the time machine loser who would do that the owner of a restaurant would they see that the time machine is in the bottom of you own a time machine get out of the restaurant business, moron. What is wrong with you, you fucking retard? Oh, how are we going to save money on cabbage? Our overheads.

You have a fucking time machine, you idiot. You have a fucking time. How about you go back and you invest in something, and you can have all the meat you want. You can buy a farm back then and be Tyson. Well, instead, he goes back and buys hamburger meat for 10 cents so he can sell super cheap hamburgers.

He sells really high quality, great burgers and the prices never go up. Oh man, what's this guy's secret? He's got a undulating... Dude, they spent 20 minutes on the fact that his restaurant is fantastic. The prices are low.

We've got to go back in time and sell this meat that we bought cheap before it goes bad. Yeah. Just wasting money, powering up this time machine. Another one that, that has so many of Stephen King stuff are, they're really fucking good and I'll be obsessed with it. And then we'll get to the end.

Completely lose me. The outsiders that show on HBO. good and i'll be obsessed with it and then we'll get to the end completely lose me the outsiders uh that show on hbo remember this where you had like an invisible child raping demon that would like frame people for his child rape and murder and traveled the country doing that and you know oh my god you need to all right the outsiders isn't that tom cruise man no no no no what am i thinking of i i'm not quite sure but there's a hbo mini series called the outsider and it is wonderful it is so good i've talked about it here before but like i i i think it's 10 episodes. If it's not, it's 9 or 11. It's something like that. And it keeps you spellbound

and highly entertained for 95% of the ride. And the last 5%, you're just like, shucks. That could have ended better. Does he do anything fun with the time machine? Like a good idea? Yeah.

He does a few short trips back and forth. Meat related? fun with the time machine like like a good idea yeah i mean i mean like like he for a while he does a few short trips like like like back and forth related um saving lives no saving lives you know like like he wants to know like if you can change big things right can you so they sort of look up been a girl that uh got paralyzed from a gunshot does that sound right there you go yeah there was someone who got paralyzed in a hunting accident so he makes sure that he's there to distract the guy who fired the shot so so like you know he makes sure he's there and he he keeps that guy away from hunting that day so that he cannot paralyze this young woman and then he goes back and he looks up you know newspaper article and he sees she's got a bright future.

And like, like now she's been able to get married and have children. Isn't paralyzed bright future. Well, you know, you're able to look up and see like, he's able to, he looks up on Facebook and just sees what's going on.

Walker enjoys. It's just good to get up and move your legs i couldn't if i could walk i'd kill myself is it like is it like the trade-off timeline where like because she was prevented from being paralyzed somebody else had to get shot no no it's not uh but what would happen is while he's trying to change the time the bigger the thing you're trying to change is like i was like i was saying before like if you're just trying to go get some meat time doesn't really fuck with you but if you're trying to save a life or it was trying to save your car stuff like that yeah trees will fall in front of the car your battery would just be dead that day. You get explosive diarrhea.

Like that's literally a thing. Like he was trying to save the woman who got paralyzed. It was kind of hard. Like three or four things popped up at the last second. To save a life, a bunch of shit started popping up. And then he tries to save a whole family. Like he tries to save a whole family from a disaster. And everything's going wrong murder yeah he tries to he tries to enter intercede on a on a like a family murder he's

and he's getting i mean he he has to wear diapers he's shitting himself to the point where he goes and gets diapers there's like so i listened to it via audiobook fucking they spend like 40 minutes an hour buying diapers and and how the the the salesman was kind of judgy about him buying adult diapers and him i i'm like am i the crazy one i've had diarrhea before but i never thought pampers with a solution to it i've been getting really into diapers recently. Think about it this way, Woody. If you had to play in the Super Bowl and you had diarrhea and there's no

way you can be sprinting off that field, you're like, alright, give me the big pack of Pampers. I'm doubling up. We're going to stay on the field of battle. We're getting this fucking done. You just seem to think that diapers were a normal thing. Like, yeah, I've got diarrhea, so done you just seem to think that diapers were a normal thing like yeah i've got diarrhea so obviously i'm gonna get some diapers like yeah

why are you giving me a hard time like you're acting like i'm weird cashier you know like i of course i buy diapers i have diarrhea would you rather be caught in the super bowl in diapers or have shitting your pants like would you rather i mean you'd be like look at woody he was in the super bowl he's in diapers or have shitting your pants? Would you rather the meme be like, look at Woody. He was in the Super Bowl. He's wearing diapers. Or Woody shit his pants in the Super Bowl. At least then you can play it off. I was partying a lot. I had no idea that would happen.

I was giving my all. But if you're wearing diapers, there's things... Yeah. If you're wearing diapers, it's an admission that this is a very regular... Nike branded diapers. Nike underarmored diapers, contoured.

If it's just like shit in the back of your pants, it's like that guy had a travesty of a day. But this is probably the one time he shit his pants since he was a child. Somebody hit me in a weird way. I was going in for a tackle in football and somebody hit me and I was like, was going in for a tackle and football and somebody hit me

and i was oh shit my pants out of nowhere yeah you ever step on a tube of toothpaste that's what happened i got hit hard what do you want from me i'm a tube of shit a diaper full of shit while he's saving jfk that's this job it was it was a different it was a different situation he was saving this family is he just just trying to be like, Mr. President, you have to get down! Covered in shit, nose bleeding. Just hair falling out. Just teeth mellowing

at a rapid rate. Mr. President, you have to get down! Bleeding from the ice. Clothes are falling off. He's raging. He's aging like benjamin button with like the falling air and they quickly if you're interested in 11 22 63 and you're not interested in reading a very thick book uh they did make a mini series out of it a couple years ago starring james franco and it's quite good and they gloss over a lot of the diapers and uh nonsense and uh they they get

right to the point uh they they cut a few things out and uh you know again probably eight nine ten eleven episodes 45 minutes each like what other than pooping your pants or getting diarrhea i would assume like bloody noses what else oh? Oh no. It's like, like traffic jams getting attacked by random people. Um, he, he, uh, the mob shows up and like beats him to the point where he's got temporary

memory loss and he doesn't even remember what he's there for anymore. Like, like, like the mob font because he'd been doing the sports betting and like the mob, he, he owed so much money to like these organized criminals that like owed money. He knew the results.

No, no, no. He didn't owe money. Like they wanted their money back. Like, like he won fair and square, but like,

like he wouldn't just bet that the blue Jays are going to win tonight. He would bet that like, Frazier is going to knock him out in the eighth, you know, stuff like that. Like, like he'd get the biggest long shot he could come up with. He'd be like, uh, what are the odds on Frazier is going to knock him out in the eighth. You know, stuff like that. Like he'd get the biggest long shot he could come up with. He'd be like, what are the odds on Frazier to win?

And they're like, one and a half to one. What if I pick knockout? Two to one. What if I say knockout in the eighth? They're like, are you kidding me? You're going to pick the round? Five to one. How about that?

Make it seven to one. It's your money, buddy. Sure. How much you wanting to bet? 2,000? Come on and have a seat with us and watch the fight. I'll buy you a beer. You know this is 1965 money, right?

Yeah, right? And then, you know, Frazier KOs him in the eighth or whatever the fuck. And they're all like not wanting to walk let him walk out of the bar now it's like this guy just won sixteen thousand dollars or you know whatever it was you know ten thousand twenty thousand dollars of 1962 money it's like ransom the fuck a car cost eight hundred dollars dude are you are you he just smoked us like like like we're we're down for the quarter now, what's like a yearly salary back then? Like $4,800?

Probably something like that. Sure, yeah. Yeah, so he'd do stuff like that. And so that meant that those organized criminal types had been searching for him because he had moved around the country. That's the other thing. It's a time machine that only goes to one time and one place.

So he starts up, like all Stephen King novels. Who made that happen? It's not a machine. It's a time machine that only goes to one time in one place. So he starts up like all Stephen King novels. Who made that happen? It's not a machine. It's a portal. Yeah, it's like a natural phenomenon. You like walk down the stairs of the restaurant into the basement and you come out not in a cupboard or like a pantry, but on the streets of 1961 small town maine you're just like the fuck happened here and then you like go back to like where that door is you know on the streets and you're able to like walk back into like the pantry like the stairwell of the restaurant in

modern times so like he has to travel obviously he's gonna get to dallas you know where kennedy gets shot uh so he kind of you know goes down to florida he takes his time doing travel obviously he's gonna get to dallas you know where kennedy gets shot uh so he kind of you know goes down to florida he takes his time doing it because he's got like six eight years to burn yeah it's an interesting story because you've got like eight years of this guy's life a little bit more than that actually because i think at one point he might spend like a year or two back in time and then he fucks some shit up and he's got to reset it's uh it's an interesting story i liked it a lot the mini series with james franco is pretty fucking good uh they like i said they gloss over a bunch of the nonsense and uh there's a character that you know like game of

thrones was like when tyrian gets uh like badly scarred but they still make him pretty handsome like but in the books he's missing the whole nose he's like skeletal with a hole in his face he's gross looking but they keep looking not gross there's a character in the book who also gets maimed badly and the same thing happens in the mini series it's like yeah that's not a nice scar you got there but you're okay oh i remember yeah yeah there's a character that gets badly maimed and it's a terrible thing. Hit with a cleaver. That guy's trying to take all me to the future!

Yeah, kind of cleaved in the face with a, you know, they get their face all cut up with a knife. But, you know, in the TV version, not so bad. Not so bad. I bet if you guys had a time machine, it would be just like the tattoos, and you would just spend all your lives thinking about where the perfect time to go back in time was

and never actually do it, just like your tattoos. What do you guys think about that? Oh, I know when to go back to. I know when to go back to. Hold on, hold on, hold on, because, Dick, you clearly have somewhere in mind. Where would you go? Where's your first first uh you know what i would do uh the first time somebody maddox asked me this like the first episode of our podcast and i said i would go back in time and pretend to write all the beatles songs but then movie i know they made that movie

like three or four years after i said that, so now I'll go back in time and write that movie. I wouldn't bother. It didn't do very well. It wasn't even a successful movie. You're going to be the writer of a middling indie film. You can do that now. You want some help?

I need that idea. What would you guys do? You just go back to early 2000s and you start investing in Bitcoin and you don't stop. You put every bit of your disposable income in Bitcoin and you're a hundred millionaire in 20 years. That's all you got to do. That would be good, but it's not that creative. You're not going that far back. I'd want to go back.

I'm not writing a movie here. I'm making money. No, but you can, you can bounce around in this, in this scenario. So I'd go back to ancient Rome, pal around a little bit. I feel like you'd go back to any ancient time and you'd be like, oh, all those statues are nice. But then they'd be like, everybody probably smells terrible. You don't speak the language. Yeah, I could, you know, I'll figure it out.

No, you won't. I took Latin for a few years in high school. I don't think they spoke Latin, did they? It wasn't the Greeks that spoke Latin? Well, I mean... Didn't the Romans speak Italian? I think they mostly spoke Latin because Latin became Italian and French and Spanish. Hmm, fair enough so at

the time they spoke Latin but yeah you're right say where is the bathroom in Latin that'd be a rude thing to ask see another culture I can't Look at me and go, hey! Do you have any water? Do you have any water? I can't. No, no. Bathroom, it's pissus. How do you say, please don't burn me as a witch in Latin? Because that, my friend, is very handy.

I'm a witch victim. As soon as they lay eyes on those spectacles that you are going to need to walk in the past, you are dead. I'll have contacts. And I'll bring a gun. And they don't know the concept of ammo. They don't know the concept of gun. Dream scenario.

I transfer back to Rome. They throw me in the ring in the fucking Gladiator Arena. I look fly in my modern clothes. All I have is my gun gun i put a bunch of tough guys blam blam blam they don't know that i'm not a wizard i demand respect audience with the king whatever whatever it is at the time the senate and i'm like elevated and i tell them like boom visigoths to the north you're gonna want to look out for that uh it's gonna get ugly here's a couple of uh no good emperors you need to get rid of right away when they pop in.

Stop using those lead pipes. Stop it with the lead pipes. I know it tastes great. And you got to stop eating tomatoes off the lead plates. You're going crazy. Pewter, yeah. Yeah, pewter. And I think that's me.

Before he gets big. Get him. Go ahead. Tell Jesus I mentioned his teachings.. Get him. Go in. Tell Jesus I mentioned his teachings. Knife him. I'm Jesus now. Boom. Oh, no, wait. I don't want to be Jesus. Well and well.

I get three days into Jesus. I'm like, oh, no. You're a religious historian. All right, pop in. Don't pretend to be Jesus. Just see if he was as smart as people said. I bet his speeches weren't as impressive. No.

But I wouldn't know what he was saying because I don't speak Hebrew or Latin. So you're right. There would need to be some sort of Star Trek... Universal communicator. Communicator, something like that. Let's include that in this fantasy. That's there.

What if you had to learn Hebrew? Would you just put it off? Like, all right, I got to learn Hebrew before I go back in time. Fuck. I mean, I wouldn't take the time to learn it if I had to actually sit down and learn it. That's why I invented the fancy. You can't even go back. If you go back 200 years, you're going to have a mildly difficult time communicating.

No, we looked at this. We would be good back until like, once it gets to like the early 1600s, it's like it starts to get fucking weird. When you get to old English, that shit barely makes sense anymore. So you guys are right. But if you're trying to fit in

how far back can you go like i could fit in the 50s sure how about the 1850s i think they'd well we could see me as dirtier like you'd just be smellier and dirtier and it would kind of i think in the same way that like if you're from new york city and and you show up in Alabama, you don't fit in. That happens pretty quickly in time, too. You'd accidentally say something anti-religious and be killed. Day one. Oh, that's one of the better parts of 11-22-63, actually, is the language. He'll be like, oh, yeah, that's cool.

And they'll be like, you've got a funny way of talking. What are you talking about? He'll be like, oh, yeah, that's cool. And they'll be like, you got a funny way of talking. What are you talking about? He'll be like, you slang occasionally, accidentally. And they'll be like, huh, you got an interesting way of talking. He's always having to – He sings songs from the future in the shower. Oh, yeah. He's singing like Rolling Stone.

He's singing the Rolling Stones. And she's just like, what is that you're're singing he's like um sympathy for the devil um it's uh yeah it was please allow me to introduce myself i'm a man of wealth and taste and she's just out she's in there like is he writing uh like like an incredible song in the fucking shower right now like like i love how like the assumption there because you're watching a show about time travel is that someone hears a song that they don't hear. And they go, he must be inventing this out of this guy must be making up songs.

I live in the fifties. People can currently making up songs. I have no concept of this. Oh my God. And the fact that he would have to explain anything other than, oh, it's a song, you probably don't know it. But he's always doing it. He would back himself into a wall going, it's certainly not the Rolling Stones.

T-minus three years. Keep a look out of the calendar. But he's like always doing it. Like the evidence is piling up. Like he's always saying like, oh yeah, that's cool. And you remember all the words? That's the first time I ever knew what the words you just sang were. Oh, well, it's a good song.

Like if you started singing like we went to the moon in 1969, like that might be a little more prophetic, but not this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even that would be silly, but that was a song before they even went to the moon. But yeah, I would be, time travel is really scary because like if you go back too far um you know and something happens to you then you're just dead and if you go back too far and you get discovered then they just kill you they burn you as a witch or something like that

what if you bring like treats and goodies and you pretend to be someone powerful who can get more? You're not even pretending. You can't. And you just kind of buy that. Yeah, but to what end? What do they have that you even want? I could be like a fucking senator in an ancient world or a king. I would rather be a hundred millionaire today than

a senator in ancient Rome. I don't live there. I just bounce around. Maybe, Kyleyle you want to in shit invest in the sp500 go forward a hundred years and you'll be plenty rich even though you don't know the future or bounce back and forth well see you got to get the money back there right so like like what and you would need to set up like the legal apparatus with lawyers to like pass down that that wealth to like uh like like you know all right this firm that you you'd have to research that the law firm is even going to exist in the

future like wilks and wilks is gonna is is the oldest law firm in the united states all right well they're gonna like the payoff is future like i don't know that current now is the best it gets it seems to be getting better all the time oh you want to go to the future with with more stuff yeah i want to set up something now wherein i don't know 2150 i yeah but the fear would be like all right so like nuclear war something before then yeah like what if you what if you turn the dial to like 2050 right and and when the machine stops vibrating or whatever and like pop into the world you immediately start taking radiation or there's a building now like there and you like

fuse inside of a brick wall or something like that I don't want that that does sound bad I'm hoping my time machine can you know deal with that yeah I think I just go back in time and I'm just like bitcoin that. Yeah, I think I just go back in time and I'm just like, Bitcoin. That's all you got to do.

You don't have to go that far back either. You have to go back like four years. Yeah, you don't have to go back far at all. And if you can go back to like 2010, you're gold. Dude, I'm going to go back to the early 1900s and absolutely dominate in the NHL, Major League Baseball. Just be incredible.

Do you know how much you got paid to play baseball in 1910? They paid those guys in chili dogs, Taylor. I'm doing it for the legacy and the fun. I'm going back and they didn't invent fucking slap shots until the 60s. I can wind that up in 1921. It'll be fun. I'm going back and they didn't invent fucking slap shots until the 60s. I can wind that up in 1921. It'll be fun.

I'm going to go back and put a big cock on the Texas flag. Whenever Texas was counted, I'm going to weave my way into their politics so that in today's day, when they're getting all snowed

in and their cars are getting messed up, they have to fly a big, they wear a mask with a cock on their face. Proud of Texas. Dude, they are so fucking proud of Texas. Texans love Texas so goddamn much. It makes you want to knock them down a peg.

Makes you want to. I think Texas is fine.... I think Texas is fine. I do think Texas is fine. Look, Texas is a good state. I think it's the best state. It's neat. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it might be, right? Like, what is the best state? Probably. Florida's pretty fun.

No, Florida's one of the worst states. Yeah, Florida's one of the worst. Most of the South fucking sucks, dude. Like, on that drive between georgia and texas you drive through like four piece of shit states like that whole that whole alabama mississippi arkansas delta down there is just garbage you're discounting the weather way too much like just the weather is big enough it's got four different climates taylor like what do you want you want desert you want mountains you want snow you want beaches like it's got it all it's huge i'm saying i'd rather live in like mississippi alabama than minnesota it is oh i would not want to put up with that kind of cold so like i'm going for climate

somewhere i want to go somewhere more South. I can't, I can't, I can't disagree that places like it places on the North that are bordering Canada all fucking blow. Yeah. That's just way too goddamn cold for Boston. Upstate New York. No,

it is underrated, underratedly bad. I don't know. I'm phrasing sucks, but up North, the days are shorter and that matters a lot when the sun sets at fucking like 4 p.m like it's a short day i was looking at a map today and it was like showing all the horrid cold everywhere it's 79 degrees in miami and i was like god damn it that must be nice

just knowing everybody else is just... So hurricane season. Yeah, that's true. Every time I'm in Florida, I'm underwhelmed. It just seems broke. It seems hard to get around. It's just swamp. All of central Florida is garbage. Florida coast, I guess it's good.

I don't know. I've never really loved it. Yeah, I've considered Tampa for a move because Tampa has medical marijuana, and it's super close, right? Move would be easy. But then you are hashtag Florida man. Yeah. I'm not a Florida guy.

I don't like it. I always am underwhelmed when I go there. I don't like everything about it. All the locals don't like everything about it and all the locals don't impress me uh anywhere i would pick to move climate would be the number one thing i'd take into account getting out and i wouldn't go that far south in florida because you're right hurricanes and shit but yeah i like uh you know that's one of the reasons i like you know i've considered vegas for a move too because like real estate is so nice there it's super cheap it's a growing city it's only going to go up in price as far as real estate goes you get like roughly a third a third

more house for the same amount of cash in vegas versus denver and i like to gamble uh i'd love to go to poker rooms of course there's casinos all over the country but vegas is obviously the king of that um i don't give a shit about legalized prostitution but uh but they also have legal weed and uh but then you're living in a fucking arid desert i get i i get nosebleeds there like like i get nosebleeds my eyes are always red and dry colorado won't be any better for you like that's dry too it is it's it is slightly better though like i've spent a lot of time in both and like i in colorado when i'm like in the shower and i like blow my nose or whatever they'll be like a tiny bit of blood but like in in vegas it's like oh god oh did i just have a period out of my fucking skull oh just every time so much blood

out of my nose this morning living in this arid house from these 12 dehumidifiers, sucking all the moisture out of my entire home. Fucking, I'm so tired of this. It's so loud. It's so loud in here. When I was trying to, like, fix stuff, I, like, walked out to grab another water earlier when I got booted from the show because Discord stopped working,

and just greeted. I opened that door, and it's... The entire fucking floor of the house. It's so stressful, Taylor. I think you're going to have to postpone your wedding. I think I think i'm gonna have to you don't want to get started in a wet house this is a bad foundation for a future let's just push it back a couple years just to win it back until this room is finished and i have my dream house yeah let's wait till everything make your ex-girlfriend your girlfriend again

yeah make some hats you know like i hate to be like a debbie downer here but whatever it takes for you to hide this water damage from the next person who purchases that home you should get that done like if it costs costs a little, if they're like, yeah, your insurance covers this, this and that. I mean, you'll be able to tell that this got a little wet. No, no, no. We are covering up a crime scene here. All right. No one should ever know that these boards were moist. Right? Like, like whenever I sold my last house and we had had like a flood on the first, on the like main floor that came down into the basement i was like we got to get this fixed all the drywall fixed like like like no no you can't leave that exposed on the corner and they were like well this is where your hot water heater

is nobody's going to ever see the edge of this drywall i'm like fix it everything has to be covered a hundred percent like a home inspector needs to come here and have no idea that this ever fucking happened well i'm erring on the side of just having them tear absolutely everything out because even the stuff they were trying to salvage with the dehumidifiers it's like i don't trust that that actually did enough to to to de-moisten the inside of that drywall wood is fine drywall you cannot trust a bunch of my insulation a bunch of my insulation got fucked and apparently when insulation gets wet it's like there's no you you just have to get rid of that and replace it insulation drywall um particle board uh the only

thing that's carpet carpet anything soft that's all gotta go fucking two by six is pressure treated lumber that's fine that's you're not throwing that back like you know like the skirt kind of area on the back of a like the corner part of a sectional couch yeah like in that back corner like that like i was mostly just feeling initially like just the tops to see like nothing had dripped on them from the ceiling and that was mostly okay but then like as they moved them around, that whole back area near the corner where it was the worst is just fucking waterlogged. And I really hope that that's salvageable because I like that fucking sectional.

But we'll see. God damn it. It's always fucking something, man. Yeah. Yeah, that fucking sucks. I wonder if it's something that the previous home inspector missed and therefore would be liable for because uh i think that that is it's probably come and gone any without getting into usually there's like a year or two like like without

getting into specifics i know someone whose home inspector missed a leaky roof and they purchased the home and not and then the roof leaked and it stained the drywall and the roof on the interior like with the ceilings like stained and they had to cover all of that like they i have no idea who even inspected my house before i bought it you've got the paperwork i bet it's all in a shoe box somewhere yeah it's it's over it's in that folder box somewhere. Yeah, it's right there. Let me go grab it. You guys can look. See, here's section three.

What's that do? You've got a wife now. That's her job. Honey, I need my documents. I need a woman's section contract right now. That's women's Olympics is filing paperwork and producing paperwork as quickly as possible. That's what I can't wait to have her take full control of.

I don't want to deal with all these papers. I've got big ideas. Things are cooking. I can't deal with the little pitter-patter of daily life. Yeah. So you take care of it. None of this is true. All right. That's four hours. Where did everybody find you? I think everybody this is true. Well, uh... Alright, that's four hours.

Where can everybody find you? I think everybody knows by now. Oh, yeah. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. I'm selling coffee now, too. At newprojectbrew.com So if you guys want to get on us... Kyle, the way Black Rifle Coffee shit all

over Kyle Rittenhouse really pissed me off so I decided to start my own coffee company. Awesome. I don't know. Here at Dick Show Coffee we shoot straight. The biggest beans, do you guys grind coffee? Do you have whole coffee beans

at home? No. Sell us on new projects. Grind coffee beans? What are you drinking folgers flavored k-cups same same i bought the case sit up on the sit up on k-cups yeah man hey cops what do you guys just have just have caffeinated the kool-aid for breakfast what the hell wait they have caffeinated kool-aid tell me more that's's his next site. This is a product for sophisticated gentlemen only. What the fuck are you doing with it?

Only for enemas. This coffee is only for enemas. You want to go with low class douchebags and you'll see. That's more your fucking niche. If I put my name and email in here, I'll be signing up to get news about your coffee.

Sign up for another thing. That's what you need. Sign up for yet another thing. Can I pay monthly somehow? Oh, God, of course! And I'll charge you forever. There's no way to cancel it forever. Excellent. I'm signing up now.

Have fun on your fan thing. no way to cancel it forever. That was excellent. Excellent. I'm signing up now. New project. Have fun on your, have fun on your fan thing. We did one of those a couple months ago. I was so, I was so sad that Burning Man got canceled that we did a dick show Burning Man out in the Mojave Desert. Oh my God. How's that go?

Man, it was fucking great. We got like 30 guys to come out there. Some people rented RVs. Everybody, Kyle, you would have, I mean, everybody brought the sickest guns they had. All of them, I'm sure, were illegal in California. But we were sniping at pumpkins across the lake bed.

A bunch of some desert people brought their stuff over. There was a rave that happened to... Arabs? What's that? Arabs? Arabs, yeah, yes. Arabs and people. Very small people brought their droids out

and let us plink them. Yeah, yeah. It was great. It was a really fun time. So I'm sure you guys will have a fun time. Yeah, it'll be October. It's whenever I get off probation. Of course, with maybe the COVID situation, there it's whenever i get off probation of course with

like maybe the covet situation is a chance i get off a little early but and no fingers are being crossed for that i've kind of given up on it the court system's so jammed up i can't appeal my probation to try to get out early so it's just like that sucks oh no power grid working and court's not working let's just focus on the basics government before we start doing anything let's get the court back going and let's get this electricity going fuck texas i'm out of here thank you no more wars until we can get electricity on i do like that rule actually we are perfect 10 years gotta work every day or else no one motherfucker hits that gfci in their bathroom no war all right

pka episode 531