Painkiller Already - PKA 542 w Dick Masterson - Taylor's Basement Contractor, Kyle Dad Dates Monster, The Bad Batch Star Wars

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

PKA episode 542 with our guest Dick Masterson Taylor. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Postmates and Smartmouth. A couple of wonderful sponsors. We'll talk more about them later. There it is. 11 seconds and we start the show. Why aren't other shows like that? I swear people with no fucking sponsors take a minute and a half to begin their content I'm here for.

I saw the title. Start talking about those things. You know what I don't like? I was trying to learn how to install Battle for Middle Earth 2, which is a computer game from 2005, a Lord of the Rings computer game. I was trying so hard to do it, and

every single video on YouTube... Can I interrupt you and guess what every single video begins like? Let me just guess. Hey, guys. Been a while since I've uploaded. Just wanted to since i've uploaded just wanted to catch you up just wanted to catch you up on the nuances of my boring day-to-day life and and the things that have made me postpone uploading this video on how to install total total it makes me makes me want to commit pseudo coup this and they're they're fucking just oh you know here's

an explanation for why i haven't been making a video and another really interesting thing you might, I've been busy with school. And it's like, no, tell me what to download so I can play this game from 2005. Yeah. So I watch a lot of motorcycle videos lately. And so many of them start like this. The title will be like, how to corner faster a motorcycle in the dirt. Okay. This is something I'm interested in.

Video starts. a motorcycle in the dirt. Okay, this is something I'm interested in. Video starts. Hey, I'm about to make a video that tells you how to corner faster on a motorcycle in the dirt. Right, I gathered that from the title. Get to it.

And then the intro plays. The intro's way too fucking long. It's like 20 seconds. And then he comes back from the intro and says, in this video, I will be teaching you how to corner. Dude, we covered. You're making me crazy. We're 90 seconds into the video now and you haven't told me how to corner i do we cover you're making me crazy we're 90 seconds into the

video now and you haven't told me how to go faster in the dirt i hate the other people who make videos on the internet it should all be like our video or i guess your videos because dick was this rant brought to you by your advertiser or seo se SEO has ruined the internet. It's like, how do I make some chicken nachos? Like, well, the nacho was invented in 14... How much weight can I put on my deck? Decks are a great place

to enjoy summer. A friend is someone that you've shared a conspiracy with. I'm like, oh my god. A friend? Fuck you, man. Come on, just give me the... Yeah, anyway, what did you say? Hey, guys.

You guys, I don't remember the last time I was here, but you guys have gotten a lot older just looking at... And I mean, Kyle, you look the same. You look great, Kyle. You look the same. Woody, you look the same as well. Very handsome, but Taylor. Oh, fuck.

Whoa, shit. You look like you've aged about 20 years from the last time I was here. What happened? Has being engaged done this to you or something? My God. You've got bags. You've got saddlebags under your eyes.

It looks like you're riding cross country for the Pony Express. Look at you. You're right. I mean, it was probably a mistake to get engaged. I think the proof is in the pudding. I'm going gray. I've gone straight from gray.

Turn your head sideways. Let us see your gray hair. It's so short. I can't tell how gray it is. There's more gray on the side than you think. The top doesn't really have any gray, but the sides quite a bit. Mine's the same way. Your hair is so short. I can't tell how gray it is. There's more gray on the side than you think. The top doesn't really have any gray, but the sides quite a bit. Mine's the same way. Your hair is so gray that when you shave it, it's still gray like a Dalmatian.

Like the skin is spotless. It's like a cheetah. I'm so glad you look horrible because I got a dog. I'm so glad you look horrible because I got a dog just to be clear you still look like a guy I would not pick up at a bus stop you look like a dangerous dangerous

miscreant that is true are you talking about me or Dick or both of us I pick you up. I don't pick me up all the time. Dude, you are living in the most fragile glass house. You know what Dick calls hitchhiking?

Hiking. When I hitchhike, they go, yeah, I got, whenever I carpool, they're like, yeah, I got the passenger seat. It's good, but the trunk maybe for you. Hop in yeah, I got whenever I carpool. They're like, yeah, I got the passenger seat. It's good. But the trunk maybe for you. I got a dog recently. So my my my schedule has turned from like a nice leisurely 10 a.m. Wake up, staying up till three to like staying up till three and then waking up at like six thirty in the fucking morning with the dog.

Every fuck. I got a dog and they immediately called all the teachers back to school. Like I figured, get a dog, girlfriend's up early, she's going to take care of it and then do school.

They called her back. So I'm like a single mom now raising this dog all on my own, living my best life. Actually, I'm doing more than a single mom because this baby bites yeah yeah yeah oh jesus i had to process that but that was quality that's been my bad decision of the year uh how about you guys what kind of dog did you get

yeah golden lab oh sorry yellow lab yellow lab yeah. I've had two of those. I like them. Yeah? You want another one? No. I'm putting this one in the cloud. I'm selling an NFT of my dog. Dude, we're the worst people ever. We have a dog.

She's nine or eight, and she's a Great Dane, right? So she's living on borrowed time. I'm picking out names for her replacement. I'm picking out names for her replacement. That like, I feel guilty about it, but you should, that's horrible.

You know what you should do? She's so horrible. You can just think of a dog name. You don't have to think of it as a replacement. But it is like Bark Vader and Boba Fetch are leading candidates at this point. And they're just, they're just quality names. We'll see. Dogs, they respond better if you put a y sound at the end like teddy like a e sound like something that finalizes like not yeah you know dr robotnik whatever you said bark vader come on vader will be great

just yelling at it to bark and then having like the abedin costello of dogs bark no bark no no bark you can be the straight man good idea you know you could actually your dog your current dog is probably getting deaf you could start you know we could rename her yeah yeah just start testing the name she doesn't know know. She can be Bark Vader for a bit. Or just Vader. I like just Vader more. Yeah, that's probably what we'd call him. Yeah, a little nickname.

How about Chewie? Then it's Chewbacca. If you really want to go to Star Wars. Chewie's a good name for a dog. Chewie. I just feel like Chewie's supposed to look a certain way. Right? Not a great name. You could dress it up like Chewbacca, make it wear whatever you... I mean, it's kind of like a slave. You can make it wear whatever you want.

You're making strong points. Yeah. What about Rose, the Chinese one who is in... And I mean that as the name, that character. Rose, the Chinese one. Oh, is that like the chunky Chinese character that was so brave and like uh

like why was she brave well she was brave because she existed no but didn't she like yeah have a free escape path and then go back and save someone with a i mean doesn't every single character in star wars maybe the cowardly character in star wars The one who didn't come back heroically. C-3PO. Oh, dear. I saved the day. C-3PO is like the linchpin to the whole universe. Luke Skywalker is the cowardly character who merely sent a holographic image of himself in lieu of actual... That was a force projection. Okay.

Well, Aston answered, all right? Luke Skywalker. He gave his life so that they could escape. Christlike. He should have went and of him escape christ like he should have went and fought be cooler he should have went and fought they wrote him that way mark hamill wanted to show up and fight all right god damn it they wrote him that way is your excuse i didn't say mark hamill was a coward i said luke skywalker was uh you make a strong point I'll finish this Mark Hamill is a coward Mark Hamill is a

great fine man I'm so upset about that I'm almost as upset about what they did to Star Wars as I am about Game of Thrones it's so fucking upsetting I watch Star Wars today the Bad Batch it's the newest Star Wars thing.

They took that group of clones from the Clone Wars TV show, gave them their own show. And it begins on the day that Order 66 was given, you know, when they told all the clone troopers to kill the Jedi. And the Bad Batch are those five clones who are each like mutant clones. Am I supposed to know these clones already? You would absolutely know them if you'd like watched the Clone Wars and, you know. I mean, I did 10 years ago. Yeah. So the Bad Batch are part of the Clone Wars series.

They are five clones who each aren't quite clones. They're like, there's like a big hulking one there's a sharpshooter one there's one that's like rambo with like extra senses there's a super smart one um there's one of them that's got like mutated and he's kind of mechanical now and uh they work as this like a team kind of group um within the star wars. They're the ones you call in to do dirty jobs as clone troopers. They're like a five-man kill squad. And they, because of their mutation,

were not affected by Order 66 exactly. And so, yeah, they got their own show on Disney+. Now, watch the first episode today. It was an hour and four minutes. Pretty good. Pretty good. I liked it. Okay. What's it called again the bad batch i just want to make sure like the gremlin uh all i know may may the fourth gets worse every year i think when we all went in for may the fourth

it was when everyone loved star wars and now it's just like more begrudge. Every year it's like, oh god. Here comes the war of the I hate Star Wars. It gets worse every year. Which side are you on? Do you hate Star Wars? Do you like it? Yeah, I hate Star Wars now. I hate wars. I hate the stars. I hate the whole thing.

Just have a fight on the Earth where God intended. I hate their names. Oh oh here's the new Star Wars it's Flarm Dumpus and Pneeter Plenus oh wow a snazzy robot Shvigermlurg

oh my god great guys fucking great those are all Tim are Eric names yeah um it's just upsetting it's just upsetting uh I I like look I like when companies make tons of money like I got no problem with that it's just I feel like they've just bastardized this thing so much and it's become so woke like I don't know what you call it but on my phone when i swipe um right to left i get to my other apps but when i swipe left to right i get like uh google

news like all these google news stories and uh that's how i found out about bad bad batch and it was like fixing the eight the the ableist the ableist history of Star Wars content with the new episode of Bad Batch. Apparently Star Wars in the past has been ableist because back when Luke Skywalker asked Obi-Wan Kenobi about Darth Vader and if he could

be turned back to the good side, he was like oh no, he's more machine than man at this point. And apparently people took issue with that as being ableist because Darth Vader is handicapped. And they made it seem like they thought Darth Vader was evil purely because of his handicapped like like like position in life. Wait, is that not the point? And so now in the Bad Batch, like I said, you have that one character who's got like lots of machine implants and there's a little line in there where they're like, oh, yeah, you're more machine than man. That's why, you know, you're good.

That's why this didn't affect you. Thank God they cut that scene where Darth Vader takes his helmet off and Luke goes, oh, you're white? Changes so much. I never look at content through this, like the political spectrum. Like I'm pretty, I don't know. People talk about how woke this movie is or that movie is,

or how there was a metaphor built in there that they didn't like that supported the red team or the blue team. That shit barely ever bothers me. Even the end game stuff with all the girls, you know, don't worry. She has help. What was that? It was like 10 seconds of the whole movie.

However, whenever I hear there's a murderer, I want to know who he voted for. Like, that always gets me curious. Oh, did that guy kill like 70 people at a country music concert? Who's he supporting? We never found anything out about that guy. Isn't that wild that that happened? It's like the biggest shooting in American history, and we're not going to look into it at all.

We're not going to say anything. And it's like, what, was this some MKUltra guy? What's going on here? Ooh, I like that. What's MKUltra? It's where they used to use LSD to experiment on people to see what they could gauge. It's what Manson was.

Yeah, Manson was in MKUltra. Yeah, Ted Kaczynski was in the program experiment on people to see what they could gauge what happened it's what manson was yeah manson was yeah it was uh ted kaczynski was in the uh the program where they basically induced hallucinations with lsd and we're like maybe it'll give you powers and it's like nah makes people fucking weird kind of makes them into super villains and then they get destiny, basically, to get in a room with you and argue with you about everything you believe and try to deconstruct

you mentally so they can turn you into a terrorist. So it's like Scientology, almost. It sounds like they're doing their Thetan thing and you gotta give us the bad details on yourself so we have dirt on you. I don't know the details of it. I just know LSD was involved. Are you still harboring ill will towards destiny no i love destiny oh i misunderstood persistently he got banned from twitch and then unbanned did you see that no he got unbanned from

twitch yeah so basically the way i understand it is he was talking i didn't want i watched like the short little twitch clip of it and he was talking to someone, some lady, I don't know who she is. And she kept talking about like Hunter Biden photos and graphic things. And I saw destiny be like, no,

okay. Don't, don't show that on the stream. Don't show that. And she's like in the little camera on there and she just goes and shows like a naked picture of him. It was, it was like a,

a picture from like the New York daily news or something. Like it was blurred out. Like you couldn't see penis or boobs or anything and they knocked him off for that and i guess that they rightfully saw like okay well this is absurd like he clearly told that person he didn't want them to do that like she sabotaged him with anything uh to fuck with him so it's good that he didn't get fully banned. He still is de-partnered, which is pretty huge. That's what I was going to ask. You said it perfectly, but in my head

I interpreted it as he got partnered again, but that's not what happened. No, no. And that's a huge deal, losing your Twitch partnership. That's his job. You can't get subs anymore. Yeah. I remember he was on the show and he was like we asked him about it after he's like yeah first thing i did i got really drunk i was really stressed out about it and then the next day it was

like all right well i just gotta i gotta figure out what to do and like he has a pretty big youtube channel also but if he didn't have that contingency plan like he threw out a number on how much money it was going to cost him and i was like what what how much are you making and then he kind of wanted to change the topic so i'm not going to go into the specifics of the number but it's burned it was 648 000 exactly exactly that number it was weird yeah twitch has some odd rule applications sometimes often where it's like like that that would not like i would imagine that someone was like headhunting destiny they're like boom i want him out because it's not that it was a weird rules it's not just they have weird rules it's the stuff that gets by and the stuff that gets caught by the filter the filter um because like i watched

the whole montage of like um of girls the other day and i was just like i had no idea these girls were on here why am i wasting my time on pornhub like i'm going to twitch from now on when i want to jerk off because this is outrageous like apparently it's a thing now where they like write people's names on their bodies and like sharpie and shit yeah this girl is like in her bra and panties and she's covered in the names of like dozens and dozens of users and then there's they're just like like titties everywhere and of course the body painting and just so much cleavage and camel toe and just just booty shorts pulled so far up their ass that they must smell when they're done with them i saw jumping up and down

it's great girl in booty shorts when there was a significant donation she wrote your name on a board but the thing is she took a whiteboard and she put it behind the camera on the ground so here i'll give you a demo this is how she wrote on the board she'd be like oh taylor thank you for your donation your name goes on the board oh dear'd be like, oh, Taylor, thank you for your donation. Your name goes on the board. Oh, dear. We can talk about Woody now when he can't hear. And then she goes and come back.

Oh, he didn't mean it, though. What's that? You wouldn't get my donation with that half-assed bend over. I'm sorry. I'm new at this. You're going to have to arch your back. You're going to have to look back coyly like, oh, are you looking at me?

You got to sell it. Did you see that greasy looking dude who did it where it was like hot tub stream and it was like some guy in an American flag speedo like no other clothes on. He's like pressing his pecs together.

It's pretty funny. He was capital together and and it was you know it's pretty funny he was capitalizing on it and you know more power to you but yeah it is but it's weird what gets through and what doesn't right like uh anything that is um i guess anti-trans anti uh gay um they come down hard on. But then there's other stuff that seems equally inappropriate that they let go. Destiny got banned for saying he was for violence against

BLM protesters, maybe. I'm pretty sure I'm right about that. In a roundabout way, by literally saying it, yeah. But I wonder if he had had the same vitriol towards the Capitol rioters, if they would have come down as hard on him right there. I don't think they would have. Yeah, probably not.

Probably definitely not. I mean, look, know the room you're in, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're on a platform by a company owned out of Silicon Valley. You know, I tried not to get like say anything like that's being emotionally driven you know on the fucking internet like maybe think about what you say before you say it to some extent

like you know we're trying to make you laugh we don't say dumb stuff here on the show I mean we do all the fucking time but we don't tell people I dare anyone to find even one I challenge you No, you know what? I dare anyone to find even one. I challenge you to make a montage. You guys just have to do opposite day.

Every once in a while, you throw, oh, we're having opposite day. I love the government. Oh, my God. I fucking hope it lasts forever. I love paying paying taxes and I love everyone who votes you fucking geniuses I hate whom you've elected I feel the same way about your mothers no wait I don't I lost my own bit

you lost the opposite day that's okay you know I love our viewers mothers a lot dick how have you been uh i mean aside from aside from the having the dog schedule fantastic i have a weight loss contest going also at fat.dick.show i don't know a whole audience weight loss so i've gained about four pounds I think on the weight loss I'm sure I don't I'm 100% I don't understand how it works I just I just can't get it together so are you eating too much I guess you're eating a Clark surplus or are you lifting weight it's all muscle i think what it is is the fucking the dog doesn't walk it wants to go out and it just sits in my neighbor's driveway so i'm still i went from like being able to walk

every day and doing a pretty good job of it um to just standing in the driveway of my neighbor looking like an asshole looking like a weird creep, looking like I'm stalking my own house, which has happened before. Like some schizophrenic weirdo showed up at my house wanting to do comedy together. Really? What did this happen? Oh, this happened a couple months ago. I know, and I thought it was a good idea,

and I don't call you names all right you could have just said no what happened was it a rap on the door was it like a dm i'm at your house how did no a rap on the door uh then i checked my dms after it happened and it's like 10 000 10 000 unanswered dms uh going into like just schizo, schizo, schizo. What can I do next? Like this, I randomly scrolled. I called the cops to get, you know, the paperwork filed in case I

would have to request a restraining order from the state. And I pulled it up. I'm like, here, well, here's an example of like stuff that he's saying. And I just gave it a you know, showcase, showdown, spin on the DMs and the other box, the random one. And it's in the random message.

I shit you in front of the cop. Like, here you go. Yeah. This is what I'm talking about. And it's the guy talking about like the nature of murder and how, wouldn't I agree that like when you murder someone, you really aren't,

you were really aren't ending someone. You're just taking them and making them a part of you. I'm like, Oh, I agree. I agree. He's by the way, Mr. Officer, you really aren't ending someone you're just taking them and making them a part of you i'm like i hope this is a juicy one and they're not all like this dude that is actually isn't that a quote from the show hannibal like i don't know about eating people it's about eating people where you cook their liver and you make them a part of you forever,

that creepy sweet or whatever. That was an actual serial killer you were chatting about. Oh, he was just quoting something that he liked. Or maybe he's what that was based upon. He likes to eat more instructive. How many cannibals do you think are out there who are actually out there right now being active cannibals? In America? Not enough.

I prefer to use America because that's where I am. Yeah. I bet there's a couple, a few dozen. actually out there right now being active cannibals killing in america not enough i prefer to use america because that's where i am yeah i bet there's a couple a few dozen i bet there's at least 10 like out there right now killing and eating people yeah i don't know dude there's 300 million of us who are actually doing cannibal stuff we're actually out there killing and eating people like as we speak yeah i'm gonna go 10 10 that's my number yeah i just feel like they'd get a baker it'd be mentioned if they ate people don't eat people much maybe that i think that people who eat people are smart because they eat people yeah they're full of human brain yeah

yeah that's how it works right that's exactly how it works everyone knows that you are what you eat well i mean like isn't that kind of like that were true i'd clunk more i think the thing about serial killers is that they kind of tend to exist on the you do like to like chickens can't fly they wish they could though that is you now words hurt you can only fly because you happen to be smart enough to get that ridiculous machine strapped to your back every afternoon that's true that's true um can we talk about the things that happened to those people you know over the last week or so? Not the paramotor one. But we can talk about the motorcycle one.

That's probably the better one. Yeah, so Woody in his twilight years has decided to start adventuring more. That's not true. Can I interrupt there? I've been making bad decisions since I was 12. He's going to tell you about all the adventures he's going on throughout his whole life and how he's essentially indiana jones go oh kyle kind of cut me off at the pass here but but i want to say my first bad decision was at 12 surfing the hurricane and there have just been a series of them ever since this idea that making bad decisions is a new thing. What are you new around here?

I've been doing it from the start, but carry on, Kyle. Yeah, so his newest thing, it's brand new, is motorcycling. He's hating this. I'm doing all this on purpose. It's my sixth motorcycle. It's not true. I rode a bike when i was a teenager don't you know yeah i know started on moped six motorcycle anyway carry on so uh this brand new

thing he just has gotten into motorcycles for the first time in his life and um and uh so he went on a little uh he's going on this big adventure cross country on his bike, like on trails, like literally going cross country all the way to the West Coast. And it's coming up fairly soon. And so recently he and a few of his buddies went for a little mini adventure, you know, off in the wilderness of North Carolina, doing little back roads, riding up on some trails and such. And they were giving Woody a little bit of a hard time because he was kind of falling behind. He was feeling a little bad about it and then all of a sudden the lead man drove off a goddamn cliff and like broke his back at the bottom of the ravine it had to be medevac helicoptered out here's what actually the lead guy didn't cry that guy was super cool and they were really cool

about me being slow but there was this self-imposed like i'm eyeing everyone up like, ooh, well, this guy's on a bike that's less off-road capable. So I'll be able to keep up with him. I'll be faster than him. I wasn't. He made up for that deficit with more talent than me. There was another guy who got a brand new bike. He had like six miles of experience on this motorcycle. And he was an Indian guy named Zen.

And I was like, oh, maybe I'll be faster than him. Apparently this guy's a street wizard. And that even the most skillful guys in our group can either barely or not keep up with him on the street at all. He's in his late 30s. He's a doctor. And he's been riding motorcycles for like 25 years. He's just very good. He knows what he's doing. And 25 years on the street, no problems. 10 miles in the dirt. And he was behind me, so I didn't know.

I thought maybe I'd be faster than him. My bike was a little more capable in the dirt than his. thought maybe I'd be faster than him. My bike was a little more capable in the dirt than his. And I've just worked with so many Indian guys that like, they don't have sports in high school. It's just not like,

adventuring sports isn't normally what their bag is. But this guy was an exception to the rule. This guy apparently was a motorcycle wizard. They called him the wizard. But not on the dirt so uh i get to the end like an actual indian from india you're saying yeah dot not pack like 50 guys on a motorcycle what do you mean that those guys know the industry yeah i didn't think of i didn't look

at it through that lens but yeah yeah that's a crash you didn't have the rest of his crew anyway dude's very talented. He has a deep respect of all the people who know him. I don't know anyone. I'm brand new around here. Anyway, he's behind me and we're sort of waiting. Every turn,

you might not know which way to go, they wait for the group to sync up again. We're waiting and we're waiting. There's this one guy i'll call him the caboose super cool guy he is there but zen's not here yet why is the caboose here when all the riders aren't together yeah exactly and uh he had a suspicion because he was riding and uh you like kick up dust and the dust stopped he's like uh i might know and uh so he immediately turns around he only went to the group to like confirm that zen didn't make it he turns around

and i don't know how he found it i guess it was the dust trail ending he had a good clue because this guy didn't just like i'm down the crevasse please help me to help me i left out part of it so as he turns around and he's looking for him zen calls our group leader and he's like i've crashed and i guess i was thinking how bad could it be right because he's on the phone talking and he's a doctor and he's a doctor so uh he calls the group leader and uh so we all go back you know to see what's up dude next to the road was a cliff and he fell 30 feet his motorcycle is 30 feet precariously hanging off a tree and then he the rider felt another 30 feet he's like 60 feet down this cliff and the motorcycle's hanging off a tree like trying to fall the rest of the way onto the

right could it the motorcycle could have fallen and crushed him you mean yes that was a risk that was a risk and a little guy smaller than me. Yeah. And anyway, so he's at the bottom of the hill and we've got guys going to just to crawl down. This cliff is a real problem. And I never did it because I had this sprained ankle. I'm like, I'm going to be another victim.

I literally can't fucking go up and down this cliff on one foot. And anyway, it's a real problem. Our guys can barely get down there and they're like checking him out his head's fine his back we're not sure about at the time his turns out he's got a bunch of broken ribs or broken scapula and some more uh and he's losing pulse in his arm so we call 9-1-1 and they're like cats we're on our way, but it's going to be a little while. And it's like, well, that makes sense.

You're getting these big diesel ambulances here. In the woods. Dude, they rolled fucking deep. The first guy comes up and he's in like a one ton pickup truck. And it's like, all right, this guy's like a mountain goat. You know, we're all like this is a pretty athletic group of guys. Dual sport motocross dudes having a hard time getting up and down this cliff. This guy in his 40s doesn't survey the area or anything, just starts walking down the cliff like it's stairs. And it's like, how are you even doing that?

And he just goes down and just straight to the victim, starts talking to him, starts working on him. Now all the another truck comes in. The biggest ambulance I've ever seen shows up. another truck comes in. The biggest ambulance I've ever seen shows up. It's the size of a fire truck, but it's an ambulance, and it's red like a fire truck.

And then an ambulance comes, a regular one, and these guys, they don't even know each other, but they're working together amazingly. Barely talking, they're like taking winches, putting them on the side. They've got hitches on the side of the truck for the winch attachment points. And then they got bags full of rope, and they're throwing the bags off the cliff and the rope just strings out along the way on the side of the rope they're tying like little fucking knots the knots on knots i can't even i don't know why they're tying knots

to the side of the rope and the knots of the knots and then it all becomes apparent as they put together these different rigging systems and uh i mentioned i'm like guys i think that like we've looked at that motorcycle we don't think it's secure we think it's a risk and he's like got it like 15 seconds later they've got a winch on the motorcycle and a redundant line to it attached to the tree the motorcycle is secure now that that the threat is eliminated these guys were so good at their job. I was, I didn't know people could be this good at work. And despite all that, the wizard didn't make it, right?

They got him up. They cared about him in a way that, I don't know why I was so surprised they cared about the victim. But like, the winch is pulling them up and they're like holding them level and he's getting a level of pain as he's getting bumped around like you can only bring a this metal like kayak looking stretcher up so effectively and and gently and uh he's in a bunch of pain and he's sweating and his arm is hurt he's it's called guarding like it you ever see someone like land on their arm,

and then afterwards they're kind of carrying their arm carefully? It's called guarding. He's doing a lot of that, like, you know, holding himself together. And they gave him some fentanyl, but that wasn't enough to, like, solve all the problems. And they took the ambulance a couple miles away to where the helicopter was, and then they medevaced. No, what is it called?

I think that's right. Medevaced? Is it medevaced? Yeah. Is that the helicopter was and then they medevaced no what what is it called i think that's right medevac is it medevac yeah so they used the helicopter to take him to this level one trauma center and i think they had set all that up just by the accident description guy fell 30 feet down a cliff rolled 30 feet more on a motorcycle accident and they're like fucking all the king's horses and all the king's men but once they saw him there was some luck involved you know because he just had a few broken bones and uh i guess the pulse in the arm thing worked itself out i don't know but uh that's probably a pretty humbling day for the wizard you know he's so confident on the streets and then he gets in the woods and he's got he's got no game at all.

It's a separate skill set. Yeah. So my takeaway from that was like, all right, so being safe isn't having the most skill. It's riding within your skill set, right? If you were going for safety, you'd drive a car. Or you just wouldn't drive. You wouldn't take unnecessary trips at all nothing bad ever happened to me here

but dude it was heavy man I then what was weird for me I felt guilty about enjoying my weekend it was great I had a great weekend

the guys were great it was my best weekend of the year by far. And I feel like Zen's really hurt. He's in a level one trauma center. And I'm like, isn't this great? This has been a heck of a weekend, hasn't it boys? I don't feel bad if I don't know your last name.

I don't know his last name. I did just meet him. And if you did, you couldn't pronounce it. He seemed like a great guy. Didn't they cover the survivor's guilt in Old Dogs, which you clearly watched before you went on this midlife crisis adventure? I don't know this. Old Dogs?

Is that? With John Travolta? Oh, that's a hog. Is that Wild Hogs? Wild Hogs. Wild Hogs. Yeah. Old Dogs? That's a better name Is that wild hogs? Wild hogs. Wild hogs. Yeah. Old dogs.

It's a better name than wild hogs. Yeah, that sounds like Tim Allen. Yeah, Tim Allen. How much does it cost to keep a roving band of Marlboro men on hand to protect against middle-aged men throwing themselves off cliffs? Is that? Actually, I just bought insurance today. I have $100,000 worth of insurance

to cover helicopters and ambulances and shit like that. We call this dangerous retard insurance. That's right on target. Oh, you're telling me your hobbies are fire poi. Okay.

I had a buddy who was you know fire poi i are those things that are on fire he he would like come to like like literally uninvited come to another friend of ours like house and do like and he was like a chef and so he would cook stuff and then he would accept he would start cooking things then he would take a ton of mushrooms by himself like everybody else everybody else just like drinking watching a ufc fight or something and then like once he was really tripping like a few hours later he would like go out in the yard and be like in demand that everybody watch him do fire poi was he good like i mean not as good as he thought he was because i feel like any idiot could just swing two of them in the air, right? He thought he was blowing our mind.

And it was more like a guy that's fucked up, kind of getting a rhythm going. But he made great grilled pineapple and some skewers. Fuck yeah. Yeah. It was a net game. Yeah, it was marginally more impressive than what Woody just did.

Did he sing or anything while he did it? Like chant? Thank God, no. Did he bring like a boom box with like some jams that went to it? I think he had our other friend put on some, I don't remember the music. And if there, you know what, if there was any sort of synchronization with a beat,

I would have recalled the music, but it wasn't. It was just kind of him in the backyard by himself making a scene. That sounds really awkward. It was awkward. But I think it's the sort of thing you put up with in exchange for grilled pineapple, right? He brought the meat, too.

A lot of pork and stuff like that? It was that night. He was making steak skewers. I was going to say maybe kebabs. Some onions, mushrooms, peppers on there. Was he from Hawaii? No, from St. Louis. That's so weird.

He's just obsessed with that culture. I imagine him calling you a Howley. He's an adopted Hawaiian. He thinks of himself as a native. I do. A guy that I worked with at the rental car company ended up like moving to hawaii this was many years ago uh and he like came back to visit at one point this is when i lived in idaho and like he came back to his family and we're like hanging out and it's like he'd lived in Hawaii for three weeks, four weeks. And he was like telling me like lingo, like Howley and stuff. And it's like, you know that all those Samoans absolutely hate you, right?

Like, you know that. Like, they don't see you as like, oh, man, this guy is really cool. This guy is like one of the, I guess I'm doing Tito from Rocket Power. Oh, man, this guy is really fucking cool. They're not Samoans. Yeah, they're not Pacific Islanders. This guy is really fucking cool. They're not Samoans. They're Hawaiian. Well, they're close enough, whatever. Samoans are from Samoa.

That's where the Girl Scout cookies come from. It makes sense. Yeah. That's how they get so fat, eating those delicious, delicious Girl Scout cookies. On the weight loss thing, Dick, I think the sleep schedule is a part of it.'s hard one a bad sleep schedule will make you hungry like it just literally where i forget what the drug is called in your head like lipton or something i

don't recall but uh also hunger the hunger uh hormone yeah do you know what i'm grelin if that's not the one i'm thinking of grelin is the thing that actually makes you hungry uh whatever i could google i think there's something else that i might be on target with too also i make all my worst food decisions when i'm up too late oh yeah yeah i like like i'll be great all day but like late night binge eating is just i it's just what i want to do so bad all the time. And if I let myself stay up too late, I will just keep eating and eating and eating. And you can get yourself like – Do you think it's because there's no witnesses?

Maybe. It might be because there's no witnesses. You know what? Yeah, because I'm overweight, and so I'm ashamed when I'm overeating. And so, yeah, maybe that is it, is that I'm like – No one will even – do you ever own like like like there's the garbage bag But like maybe you ate like eight Twinkies. So you've got to dispose of that like privately You're like Adriana and the Sopranos, we just got the bloody clothes and she doesn't know how to dispose of them

She can't put them in the regular garbage because somebody This is funny you say that it was like for my birthday a few weeks ago my dad just sent me some he always does this i tell him not to he sent me an entire like box that you'd see like a gas station of like reese's fast breaks which is my favorite candy bar and there's fucking 20 of them and i love those and there was one evening four that's 5 000 calories i know and i totally i was roundly defeated in the willpower battle like maybe three weeks ago and i think i ate four of them in one day and three of them were like at night and like as i was like putting the fourth fourth wrapper in the in the trash i like picked up like a like a cvs bag from under all of it and then laid that oh man that is embarrassing it's okay nobody knows yeah you dispose of the

evidence yeah you're like no one needs to know those little fast breaks you're like huh you know one of these is 220 calories and then like you watch 40 seconds of a tv show and you like bite your finger like what no i can't it can't be gone already is that how fast candy goes i'm not even a big candy eater but i guess i go hard when i when i have it because carrot sticks are good for that i know i sound like an asshole but like you can eat one after another after another and when your belly is completely full you consume like 65 calories yeah i'll do that if i'm feeling healthy oh yeah carrots have like nothing in them i i eat carrot sticks until i'm until i get high like i think that if you eat enough you actually start feeling hot i must be one shy because i've eaten a lot it's like the meat sweats but it was

it's like a carrot weird carrot euphoria like a carrot i feel it i really feel it i'm like i gotta get i gotta get out of these carrots i have had a carrot stomach ache i'm like i like there must be a cubic foot of carrots in here after i've chewed them and i'm exaggerating but not what i think i think i think sugar-free jello and uh and that orville redenbacher uh popcorn are the way to go for like low-calorie snacks because you can just eat, you can eat, you can literally eat five bags of that popcorn and it's like the equivalent of like an actually bad snack. Like it's like, it's like 500 calories. You can fill your stomach with so much popcorn.

The problem with sugar free Jell-O is, is like five calories for every Jell-O cup. And it's like, you can sit there and eat eight of them if you want. Yeah. But like eating Jell-O is like taking a big breath like i'm not full it's like having a drink that's the problem that's where i am with um like a clementine you know i'll be like you know i'm hungry i could go for a snack i eat a clementine it's about 35 calories if i recall and i'm like great now i have had a shot of water i'm still hungry it didn't do anything i remember uh i was i was in an office space once and you know how like some some companies will be like hey we bought a bunch

of like healthy snacks and things in our little kitchen area and i remember like going in and grabbing like a little clementine like that eating it going back grabbing another one and by like a couple hours later it's like i've eaten nine or ten another one and by like a couple hours later it's like i've eaten nine or ten of these and there's a visible amount missing from this bag so i just thought obviously it's there for us to eat but it's like yeah you're 100 right that's 10 of those is like ostensibly 300 calories not a chance no it's just it's water it's water and the teeniest bit of sugar like Like, I feel like one set of benching or rows or whatever is

burning like five tangerines, I would imagine. Like, there's just, or at least a full tangerine. I don't know. I don't think that's accurate at all. You don't think so? I know it's not. I know it's not. Which part did you disagree with? The caloric count or the

burning? The calorie burn of actually lifting weights is like rather low unless you're on a lot of – I don't count it as anything. If you do a 5x10 set of benching – Studies have been done. It's shockingly low compared to actual – You're burning more than 35 calories in those 50 reps, definitely. Well, when you lift weights, you burn for like the next 10 hours. I mean, I don't know.

What am I? Weight loss doctor? I'm counting my dog's calories over here. I got treats. The treats are three calories a pop. And I'm like, man, you're very bad. So I need to give you a lot of treats. So I break those little motherfuckers in half.

I think she knows, too. So it's behaving poorly just to spite me. Probably. You burn calories when your heart's beating. So, you know, elevate heart rate. You have to spite me. You burn calories when your heart's beating. So, you know, elevate heart rate. So you don't think that doing a 5x10 bench, incline bench, whatever it is, you don't think you're burning 30?

I've read the studies. It's shockingly low. I googled it. I don't know how this is going to sync up with what Kyle's thinking, but 30 minutes is about 100 calories. Yeah, whereas 30 minutes of cardio is like 350 calories are you talking about you're saying cardio is better than weight lifting for burning calories yeah no false because your

muscles burn your muscles burn calories on their own and after you are you are you accounting for gaining muscle mass from the exercise that That and the anabolic exercise, like the actual exercise that you're doing will last a lot longer. The cardio you're burning while you're doing it. Lifting weights you burn long after you're done. No, you don't. No. Yes, you do.

No. So burning calories. What do you lift, Kyle? You're just wrong. Let's see it. What do you lift, buddy? Because this is all I do. I don't move more than 10 feet a day.

I can't weigh 600 pounds. Just weigh more than you, and I'll tell you later. But no, you're definitely not burning calories like tomorrow from the weights you lifted today. 10 hours. I don't think that's

accurate. How about 8 hours? Will you give us 8 hours? You're burning calories when your heart rate's elevated. You know what I mean? And if you're like, if you're like, if your heart rate stays elevated for 10 hours after lifting a weight, then yeah. Well, that would mean you're really unhealthy. It would.

You'd have way bigger problems if your heart rate was elevated. You don't buy the weightlifting long game. I feel like if you lift weights for some significant period of time, six months, nine months, that you've increased your metabolism. And I feel like you're discounting that. No, I don't think you're increasing your metabolism at all by just lifting weights. Your extra muscle mass will burn a minuscule amount of extra calories. I think a pound of lean muscle is burning like 35 or 40 calories or something we looked at.

Like the smallest amount of extra calories per pound of lean mass. You looked it up at one point and it is shockingly less than – Shockingly low. Like someone with like 10 extra pounds of muscle on their body, which 10 pounds of muscle is a tremendous amount of muscle over someone like that was maybe like 300 calories over an entire day 300 350 calories a day is huge i feel like we write that off as not a ton but just to have that every single day 350 calories in that way because that muscle is making you hungrier too like you need more protein more food to fuel i've about that. I don't know what the truth is, but

here's the question I often have in my head. Let's say your basic metabolic rate. That's what I'm looking for. Your basic metabolic rate is 2,500, right? And you're comparing it to say your ex-girlfriend's we'll call hers 1500. Yeah. If you are 200 below and she's 200 below, do you have the same level of suffering? Or if you're 20% below and she's 20% below, do you have the same level of suffering? Or is it just easier to eat 2300 a day than it is 1300 a day? I would bet it would be by percentage difficulty. Because 200 less for her is way harder than 200 less for you. Or make it by percentage then.

If you're 20% deficit and she's 20% deficit, but you're at 2,200 calories and she's at something like 1,100. And that whole added muscle thing is an interesting formula to look at. Because obviously, like you said, your protein requirement goes up. If you're trying to hit a gram per pound. Kilogram? Or yeah. your protein requirement goes up if you're trying to hit a gram per uh per uh what pound or yeah it's a pound per it's a gram per pound as a general or sometimes they have a different formula like uh but it's a gram per like pound of body weight not lean mass right yeah if they use lean mass it's something different like uh you know two grams per kilogram or something like that i just try to hit like 200 a day 200 days most most dudes try to just hit 200 yeah it's a pretty easy to like calculate things you don't need a fucking

calculator especially with these met rx 51 grams oh and then another interesting thing i was talking to somebody about this the other day how much how much protein your body actually absorbed at once right because like my friend was like i read i could only absorb 25 grams of protein at a time do i really need to eat eight fucking meals a day and i thought i started thinking about it i'm like i mean i think it'd be better if you did like but i think it would be better if you ate eight different meals and each of them had 25 grams of protein and 25. Who has the time, right? You need like a backpack full of snacks everywhere you go. Just me and Woody. That's it. Like,

it's hard to like, you wake up and you're like, all right, I'm going to be awake for 16 hours because you've got to get your eight hours of sleep. So that means every two hours there's got to be a meal. It's meal, two hours, meal, two hours, meal, two hours. And if you fuck up at all, now you've thrown that precious sleep into peril, right? Like, you can't. So you've got to be like, hey, do you have time? Can you come in here and, like, adjust the TV? No, I have to begin my meal right fucking now or it's going to throw the whole universe out of kilter.

Jeff Nipper did a video on this. He did, yeah. Maybe you've seen it then. I have. The conclusion was that's pretty much true. Now, the untrue part is your body only absorbs 30 grams of protein. No, it'll absorb it and use it as uh caloric energy or something but if you're talking about your muscles doing protein synthesis better to break it up that's the better to break

it up version and it's uh so like but but then like if you're eating like ground beef for example like 25 25 grams of protein from ground beef you're eating these little meals over and over and over of like lean meats it's um and and so that means like you're shitting continuously right like it means that your your digestive system is like is like a choo-choo train of poops that are just like like one is right behind the other like like like all day long it's a it's a weird way to live your life i don't want to live like that i don't want nobody wants to live that way taylor i want to be able to i want to be able to have a shit in the morning and then just kind of know i'm clear you know the rest of the day until the

evening or like you know you know when you really overeat at night and like you have a morning shit and then you're like i gotta shit again it's noon oh yeah like it's because i ate so much when i was i had a bigger caloric deficit more than a month ago than i do right now i wasn't pooping much i was like kim jong-un just using all of my food to build muscle i hope and and very little pooping going on maybe you were sleeping or so you were having a don't poop evacuation it's true though like I was like in reality you've been shitting the bed every night and she's she's cleaning it behind you covering your tracks and she's just like yeah he has accents at

night now he's getting older i don't say anything i just clean the sheets clean it up i don't even think he knows he knows he's like isn't that like train spotters where that person is like cleaning up the shit off of the heroin addict oh like that what's that what's that other really sad movie that's about i try to avoid the sad heroin movies. You know, after watching... Oh, Requiem for a Dream. That's a really sad movie. Yeah, that's the one that turned me off of sad heroin movies.

I just try to avoid that. Did you not like Trainspotting? I haven't seen it because I avoid sad heroin movies. It's got Ewan McGregor in it. He was in Star Wars. You'd like it. I don't know why that's going to sweeten the pot. I tried. You know, it. I don't know why that's going to sweeten the pot. I tried.

You know, he's from that other thing you hate. Yeah, but you'll see him in something good now, right? I don't know. He's coming back. He's doing like an Obi-Wan Kenobi series on Disney+. Finally, more Star Wars content. More Star Wars. We've been thirsting for it, and here it comes.

Yeah. I saw today someone tweeted at me that Mary and, you know how the Sopranos guys started like a Sopranos podcast where they're like, wait, 15 years after the fact, we're talking about the Sopranos. Yeah. Like Bobby Bacliari and who is it? Christopher Moltisanti.

Christopher and Bobby are the two ones doing it. Now someone tweeted at me and it's like, hey, Mary and Pippin from Lord of the Rings are doing a podcast about Lord of the Rings. And it's like, man, striking while the iron's hot. Right. 20 years after the fact. They're going to start a podcast.

They are so much older looking. It's been 20 fucking years. I can't judge there. I've aged terribly in the last couple looking which I guess I can't judge there I've aged terribly in the last couple months I guess it's been 20 years I've lost weight since the last time I saw Dick that's part of getting old man

you're looking frail like Mr. Burns that's an obvious defect it'll come out I went to the fucking I went to get my hair went to i went to get my haircut today i went to get my haircut today and usually i like to keep a little bit of a little bit of verticality here because my head is so fat and so round and yeah just just ruined me just like basically buzz cut it i saw with the first stripe i was like oh like but i can't say

anything because the the length has been established at that point. And so now I don't even have to push over. I look like a fucking asshole. You look like you're ready to steal valor. You look like you get so much free Starbucks. You get all kinds of AutoZone discounts with that haircut. Park in the military parking. You deserve it. Park in the military parking. You deserve it.

Park in the Walmart veteran parking. I mean, that's what I need to do. I mean, I've already shown through my strength and power that I can conquer expectant mother parking. No one will stop me. I'm too big and too intimidating. I barrel into the store. But yeah, next up is veteran parking.

I don't really see veteran parking around here, honestly. Where would it be? Who is veteran parking? Home Depot does. Okay. I see it every time. It says something like, this is for our current and former service members or something like that. I'm like, come on. I need some lumber.

Do I really have to park way out there? Can't I just roll in here? I've been shot at. Come on. Everybody volunteered. I got camo. I got camo at home. I volunteered and I was shot at. What else you need to know?

That's what I should say. Did you serve? Look, I've had, I've had vehicles blow up yards from me. Do you want to hear the stories? Do you want me to tell you about the time I took my friend to the hospital? Do you want to hear about treating battlefield wounds?

Is that what you want to hear about? I hope not because there were YouTube videos that had nothing to do with actual armed service. And you're going to find me out real quick if I have to start explaining this. I like it when they ask, like, what division you were in. And I forget the word. There's one for paratroopers. And it's the 82nd Airborne. That's it.

But you don't say that. You have to say something else. It's like the 802.11b. Now, that's actually a wireless internet protocol but it's very close. I can't remember it because it's too close. You know what my move is? How to steal valor. Where did you serve?

What contingency were you with? And I say that's a bit above your pay grade, soldier. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Can you just say podcasting? Do they have podcasts in the army? Probably. Oh, yeah, I'm podcasting in the army. I'm an army podcast.

I wouldn't surprise me if they did. The army has a Twitch channel where they're clearly like, hey, guess what? We're the army. Join up. We're playing Fortnite. It's just like Fortnite. Join up and go to the middle east

fight a war there's nothing to do with you so then they can't trip you up it's like i'm oh yeah i'm podcasting in the army like oh yeah what's that like oh man it sucks it's a real pain in the ass people always yelling at you for doing a shitty job mixing and there's a subreddit it's a fucking awful everyone in there getting the gold is fucking impossible. You say, we're going to get a tank, we're going to drive it down the street if we get 50,000 listeners to our fucking podcast.

Then we go to Fiverr and get a tank and it looks like shit. Alright guys, we get 100,000 downloads. We're bringing the troops home. Share with your friends and your family. Podcast with the Army, man. What did you do? You're muted, but yeah, an Army podcast.

I like the pulling out of Afghanistan as a Patreon goal. We're going to crowdfund the journey home. So what you're supposed to say is you're in the 101st 82nd B and all I ever hear is 102 11 B, which is a wireless protocol. I mean, I would say like, what branch are you in? And they'd be like, Air Force. I'd be like, Marines.

Just whatever they're in. It'd be easier to steal valor from another country's military here. Pretend to be a green drag. Just start crying violently and they'll drop the whole thing. Tell them you were in the French Foreign Legion. That makes sense because you're American. You would be in their Foreign Legion.

The French Foreign Legion. Yeah, it's all foreigners like us. We're foreign to France. Might as well tell them you're a fucking Apache tracker. Nobody's going to believe that. I am 124th Apache. Stolen Valor. Are you really?

No, it's just what Elizabeth wants. No. I wish I was. When I did that genetic test, I was like fucking fingers crossed. Like, is there some way I can get in on this casino deal? Can I get on one of those reservations and fucking get those impoverished people under my thumb? Is there some way I can manipulate this into some money? No dice not even a a tenth of a tenth of a tenth percent i got fucking neanderthal nobody there's no neanderthal fucking like support groups yeah that's neanderthal

parking there should be no parking our people were bred or raped and murdered out of existence we get nothing that is true we were the ultimate minority the neanderthal oh boy that's so true it is true we you know like we all have neanderthal dna in us like it's mostly like a european thing i guess europeans fucked him up and killed him you know my mother had some unusually high percent i didn't do the test myself, but my mother did. You should do it. It's $100 and it's fascinating. $100? What am I? Am I made of money?

Yes, Mr. Adventure of the World. You got like a quarter million dollars worth of hobbies in your garage. I think you can afford $100 to get a DNA test. My garage is looking good. We got the floor epoxied i love it oh that's nice yeah yeah my my basement's doing terrible my garage is fine though

how is your base update oh it's like are you in the basement aging at the same rate do you both look oh we both look? Oh, we both look like shit, man. We both look terrible. Basically, this was like two months ago now. And it was funny. I was like, initially, like it got down like minus 10 here, which is very, very cold for St. Louis in the middle or in the beginning of March. And a pipe burst exploded my basement, destroyed the ceiling down there, destroyed my walls. I had to have everything torn out in the finished area of my basement.

Of course, the unfinished area is mostly fine. And I hire people. The insurance is actually pretty good. The initial contracting company, pretty good. They come and move everything. And I give them the insurance money to rebuild and put the drywall and the ceiling back up. And they do. And as they're about to finish it, this guy comes up and he goes, hey, it's been raining all day. And I'm now noticing a puddle forming under the wall we just put back up. And so this is clearly a foundation thing. And I was like, hold the phone. You guys just get out of here. Sorry about this.

I got to call a foundation company now. So I call a foundation company and they go, yeah, to investigate, we just need you to tear out all that drywall, the lower two feet that you just use the insurance money to put in. And I was like, I knew knew it so i did that and then they come and they're gonna jackhammer out area in my foundation in the corner there and then build gutters so that any water that comes through the foundation goes in the gutter goes to an additional sump pump and this this fucking cunt bastard of a sales guy this cunt i talked to him and he's trying to buddy buddy be friendly to me and like as i'm about to give him the deposit and and he's trying to buddy, buddy, be friendly to me. And like, as I'm about to give him the deposit and everything, he's like, all right, it's 860 bucks

or whatever for the deposit on this. And I'm like, okay. And just to confirm, this is going to be within my wall. You know, it's not going to be visible. There's not going to be anything taking up space because you know, this finished room, isn't the biggest room I, you know, to fit everything I need it to, it's going to be in the wall. Right. And he goes he goes oh yeah you won't even know it's there and i was like good wanted to make sure that before i gave you my card give him almost nine hundred dollars this cunt leaves will be there monday monday rolls around he's got a thousand dollars in my of my money in his pocket he no no call no shows me how do you get from 900 to a thousand i was saying almost a thousand he's got it was like a few thousand dollar project and uh then monday comes around i call

nothing no call no show tuesday they call and they go i am so sorry we were so busy yesterday and it's like oh really i don't know what that's like i was just watching paint dry like you're gonna and they tell me like we'll be out there very soon. I was like, oh, okay, so you'll be here today? No, Friday. Okay, so this is already becoming a fiasco. Friday they come out, the guy puts it in, and he tells me when he's done, I'm working upstairs, I go down there to look at it. And this thing is three feet by three feet in the corner of my room.

There's a pipe going out of it, and I'm like, I'm about, and it's the guy who installed it, it's clearly not his fault. This is clearly how these things are installed. The cunt salesman is the one who told me it would be in the wall. This guy was like, yeah, this is just how it's done. I don't know why they would have told you that. Cause that's not true. And I was like, awesome. He leaves. I finished paying for it. Monday comes around. I finally, this is months after the initial break. Cause there were so many delays with the foundation company Monday. I get the initial contracting company back out. The drywall people,

the carpet people, they've been very easy to work with. Very good to work with. And this guy goes down there, comes right back up and he goes, I got bad news. That thing they put in is broken and it's spraying water on your basement. This is the thing to catch water. So it's spraying water on your basement. This is the thing to catch water.

So there's no water in your basement. It's actually spreading the black plague. Have you been tested for plague? The sump pump. It's meant to get it out into my yard. And so I go down there and he had turned it off at that point. And I was like, what's going on?

And he goes, watch. And he plugs it back in a giant crack in this three day old from friday to monday pvc just starts going just spraying water out and he unplugs it again it slowly stops and he's like i'm so sorry man like and i'm like dude you're the drywall guy this has nothing to do with you but you got to go this is like the third time you've come over and i've told you to leave because you can't do it i call i call the fucking foundation company again. I'm like, hey, you know, that thing that I paid thousands of dollars for three days ago.

It's broken. It's destroyed. I need someone to come out here, please hurry. And she's like, actually, you're going to want to talk to Susan. I tell Susan that. And then I have to tell Ariel that. And then I have to tell Justin that. And then they assure me that Agatha is my

ticket and I leave a message and she doesn't get back to me for you know 36 hours it's like the next day she's like I was out of town I was like where are you and she she tells me oh we can we can schedule you for next Tuesday you know this is this is Tuesday of this week. And I was like, really? Like a whole week out? Like I've already paid for this, honestly. And I think I said something to this effect. I was like, I've worked with a lot of companies, you know, getting things done on my house and I've never had a worse experience or dealt with worse unprofessionalism than with you guys. It's been a, it's been a travesty every step of the way, like purposely using words like that. So I don't curse. So I don't get hung up on or something. And she's like,

I know I'm really sorry about it. And I'm like, okay. And then I go, if you get any, any, any inkling that you can get me taken care of sooner than Tuesday, this upcoming Tuesday,

please let me know. She's like, I will. I'll put a note on it. She calls me back 30 minutes later. Taylor. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's going to be Wednesday. I was like, yeah, yeah. It's going to be Wednesday. I knew it. I saw it coming. I was like, oh, okay. So now it's still fucking Wednesday. I have a non-functional sump pump. It's been raining a lot. And so every once in a while I go down there and I can see a small little bit of moisture where clearly it's leaking. And, you know,

oh, and I'm sorry, this I skipped an entire wrong part. They came out and fixed that PVC pipe. The guy initially tried to go, I can just patch that PVC pipe. And I go, no, it's a shitty pipe. Replace the whole thing. And then he left. But then they came back again, the initial drywall people. And he was trying to put it back again. He goes, hey, there's still water coming out. They needed this gutter to be three feet longer. And so now I'm waiting for them to come tear out an additional three feet of drywall and then re-jackhammer three more feet of my foundation to build out this gutter. This has been months in the making. And then yesterday, insult to injury, I've been annoyed at this.

day, insult to injury. I've been annoyed at this. And I go down yesterday to work out my solace, my time for me to get the angst out, for me to just go lift and have fun. I go down there and I'm pacing around to finish my first set of benches. I start walking around my basement and I go, what are all those fucking bugs on the ground in the corner? I go over there. I've got a termite problem. I've got a bunch of little winged termites. And so I go, oh, and I don't have anything to spray on them except for spider poison. And they're all over the place. And they love spider poison. I love it.

It's like fucking vitamin B12 to termites apparently. I can watch them actively grow and multiply every squirt. If the termites have wings, it's a big problem. Did you know that? It's a huge problem. Those are queens, I think. It means they've matured, that they've been there for a long time. They're called like breeding or like swarm termites. That's what they call them.

Swarm termites, except they're all winged, but they can't fly. There's a ton of them on the ground that have clearly dropped from this I-beam in my unfinished well they like water so yeah and they like on the bright side like i was like i hope like like a retard i'm like spider poison will that work on other bugs and and i think it would of course it will yeah i'm like like this isn't gonna be fine work on people i do like people i do one little misting and the rate at which these fuckers died was amazing like apparently brown recluses are made of something a lot tougher than these guys

and so and then i started spraying them my my uh fiance comes down and is like oh this is so fucking gross this is so disgusting and i'm like she's like where are they coming from and i was like looking around and i see like near a vent there's a bunch of them hanging out up there and so i have to like spray spider poison all over this thing it's and then i went down today or i went down last night i woke up out of nowhere to pee at like four in the morning and i was like i need to go to make sure there's no more bugs down there no more bugs we vacuumed them all up and then i went down there again today and there aren't any more so i don't know what the fuck is up with them. Oh, they're hiding now. Oh, well, yeah, they don't go where the bug spray is. Yeah, that forced them to tunnel much deeper

into the hardwood of the home. And so now I'm waiting until Tuesday so a nice gentleman from the bug place can come out. I'm so aggravated with how many I have out there. Have you ever seen that movie, what is it called? The money pit. Money pit. Yes. Tom Hanks.

Dude, Taylor, I, I've hired a contractor too. Oh, so we had the smallest job, right? The railing on our front porch is rotted.

Uh, the toilet wobbled and the, um, the coffee maker, we got a nice coffee maker that needs plumbing so we don't have to like fill the water all the time and something else. Maybe the hardware in a bathtub, right? Let's go over this again.

Coffee maker, bathtub hardware, wobbly toilet and a front porch. Some rotted wood he's going to replace. So we hire him back in January. He works like a day and it's going great toilet's fucking solid as a rock and he's sending pictures of the stuff you can't see so that you can admire the craftsmanship that is under the toilet i'll be only in the marble floor whatever kind of floor i don't know rock thing floor so uh um and i'm like wow this is amazing the next day he says woody i can't come in my wife has been badly hurt we're not sure if she's gonna walk again and i'm like whoa well take the time you need you know my gosh like this is a big deal and he's like yeah

i have to watch her i had to take care of her, et cetera, et cetera. So he misses like a couple of weeks after because of that. Dude, she was walking after two days, right? My sprained ankle was fucking worse than this woman's thing. And there's questions about whether she's going to walk again, but no, she's fine. But he misses weeks of work for that. Then he comes back. Works like a day or maybe didn't come in. Says, what do you think?

I got COVID, right? He gets tested for COVID. Doesn't have covid misses three fucking weeks of work for not covid right so they're not covid gotta go yeah so then he's gonna come back he's like woody i'm coming monday i swear i'm coming monday woody i'm on my way woody i had a heart attack oh my god you take the time you need a heart attack goodness gracious i'm not a monster okay okay it was indigestion mrs three fucking weeks for indigestion three more weeks for not a heart attack three weeks every time woody calls him, hypochondriac contracting, how can I help you?

Oh, hang on. I can't continue this phone call. I just, I'm dying. He's sending me pictures like trying to connect with me, you know? Oh, things are tough here. Things are tough. Watch, these are my support schnauzers. He sends me pictures of his dogs and shit like that.

What an asshole. Yeah. What an asshole. He's got support schnauzers? He does. Are you fucking dogs and shit like that yeah what an asshole he's got support schnauzers are you fucking with me is this a joke i can show you show me you're gonna have to show me that this man has support schnauzers or i'm gonna call you a liar this is not a problem dude y'all are so nice to these contractors like like i get that not cursing at them is like the,

the, the right way to do things. But at some point not whipping their ass is just letting them slide. The man has support. Oh my God. Yeah. Kyle, I'm totally on board with that.

Like I always, I try to be, I've worked customer service jobs. I always, I try to be polite. I try to be courteous. Apparently, that is not the strategy with contracts. Dude.

Because if you are nice, they will walk all over you. Yes. I'm very litigious. Schedule their – Me too. That's how I turned it around. At one point, I'm like, dude, at this point, we're getting attorneys involved. I don't know what to do at this point.

Yeah, and he's like, Woody, don't do that. Give a chance to prove you wrong and i'm like you have had so many chances you literally send me texts saying you're on the way and then don't come he's like no no no we there was one point where uh he's like the painters are scheduled for friday i said seriously it's like wednesday at this point you're gonna get all your work. Who are the painters? And he won't tell me. I'm like, who are the painters? He tells me something else about all the work he's going to get done and the troubles that he has in his life. And I'm like, who are the painters? I want to call the painters and see if they know that they're scheduled to come Friday.

That might have been when I got the dog pictures. I don't know. Well, there's huey the same guys that pressure washed it's like salardo or something and i'm like well fuck he answered in such a way that i can't call and anyway he cancels work the next two days i'm like i guess i guess you canceled the painters yeah yeah he's like i guess you canceled the painters he's like yep i got that all taken care of we canceled the painters so then he ends up doing the painting himself says man the prices these painters want are is outrageous and it's like you fuck you never scheduled the painters

you found out the price and decided to paint yourself you know you're lying to me you're always always lying to me you lie so fucking much i'm like to do this i did at one point i'm out there talking to him and i'm like dude the gap between what you say you're gonna do and what you actually do is so wide i can't i can't make that mental leap that when you tell me you're gonna do this i don't get it i don't get it i've never met anyone less reliable than you this is like actual words i've said to him yeah and uh he's like what do you give me a chance to prove you wrong and eventually he finished the job it was probably two weeks worth of work he did it from that's why we heard about this by the way somebody's wondering this has been ongoing for weeks and

we didn't want to talk about it until it was done. Months. Months. Like, for anyone who's listening to this, like, here's my, like, two cents on how you handle these awful, awful scenarios. Real quick, towards the end, his wife was dying. His wife was dying. She's got lupus.

She's got lupus. I would say, you know what? You better hope she dies. Dude. Because if she's not dead tomorrow, I'm coming for her. Dude, he's dying. Every single morning that he doesn't show up, you should send him a photo of the obituary page. Hey, I didn't see her here.

You weren't at work yesterday. Dude, I'm sorry to cut you off, Kyle. But by the end with the dying wife stuff, I had no heart. I'm like, you're making your problems my problems. You know? Like, I don't want to hear this. It sounds like a you problem. You know what problem I got?

My coffee maker. problems you know like i don't want to hear this you problem you know what problem i got my coffee maker i just i i is your coffee maker alive he wasn't credible anymore and by the way i don't think lupus kills you i don't care if it does i hope it does i don't want he's got it bad no you threaten these people with fucking litigation because nobody wants that nobody wants to show up in court. Nobody wants that. Everyone fears that so much. Believe me, I've been there.

Nobody wants to go to court and have a judge deciding what they're going to have to pay out of pocket or potentially go to jail or something like that. Obviously, this is a civil contractor dispute. Nobody's going to jail. But you get what I'm saying. You threaten these people right away with litigation. If they have done you wrong, you don't owe these people anything. You've got to threaten them right away. Cause like people who are already in that business and they have this level of shittiness, like it's, it's not a new thing to them. This is just how

they operate and they're going to keep doing it to you. And you're not the only one that they are putting off. The reason they can't come tomorrow is because tomorrow they're going to a guy's house where they're five weeks late that's not true do you want to know why i know i would love to because i bet it's hilarious doing meth he fucked his truck and i fucked he parked his trailer with tools in my driveway all winter long from january to may it's his trailer he stole that trailer from a real contractor in reality he has stolen the identity of an actual contractor and he's like living in his house like that scene in unbreakable the guy's tied to a radiator and every night he's just drinking beer and spitting it on him like this man is an insane asylum kind of character

he had his trail that was the thing so we have our driveway is uh it's weird you can enter the house from the north side and the eastern side and the eastern driveway the better one was just like occupied all winter long just you've got a better driveway and you can't afford a hundred dollars for a dna test the man has an eastern driveway but he can't afford his dna his fucking wayne manor over here i don't know where i'm from well you're DNA test. The man has an Eastern driveway, but he can't afford to DNA test. Fucking Wayne Manor over here. I don't know where I'm from. Don't use the Eastern driveway. France, Germany, who knows?

Afternoon. It's too hot. It's too hot. I drive into the Western driveway afternoon. I want to keep my tires nice and soft. Don't they know that in the summer, I like to use the Eastern driveway to avoid the glades? We just got it repaved.

It has brand new dark asphalt. It's so smooth. I'm on the gravel driveway. And I have to drive on gravel in my brand new pickup truck. I'm trying to get out to off-road on one of my many hobbies. With my friend the wizard.

And he did great work. It just took him 12 times longer than he should have. My dumb ass wants to rehire him for like a one-day job. My dad would always threaten people. He would literally threaten people with physical violence. And that sounds like a terrible idea, but it would usually work. There was a guy who was stealing tools from him once, a contractor.

He's the contractor, and he's stealing my dad's tools and my dad like goes to the guy's house and the guy's daughter is there and it's like she's like a little girl she's like nine and she's like hey is your dad around he's like no he's like have you seen my tools and she's like my daddy took your tools. Oh, my God. And he goes and he beats the shit out of this guy. And he's like, I'm going to come back. And if you've hurt that little girl, I'm going to come back every day. And you're getting more of this.

Just like beat the shit out of this guy who had stolen his tools. Good God. And he's like, and I want to know where my tools are. He's like, I've sold the tools. I'm so sorry. I sold the tools. Who'd you sell them to? So then he's like having to like go around and track down it wasn't his tools it was like uh race car parts it was like this real fancy

like multi-barrel carburetor from a drag race car it was all this stuff this fucking scumbag had stolen god people are scummy it's hard to find good contractors and it seems like the contractor business is somewhat um populated by scummy people it seems like it's yeah is somewhat populated by scummy people. It seems like it's I don't I don't know for what reason, but it's hard to find good people to come into your home and do drywall, carpeting, heating and air duct work like plumbing, you name it. It's hard. I think they can take their breaking and entering skills and then go to prison and come out. I think they can take their breaking and entering skills and then go to prison and come out and that turns into a little bit of actual repair work and handyman work that they can employ. We did have those classes in prison. HVAC was a big one in prison.

I thought you had breaking and entering classes in prison. Oh, no. We taught those. If anyone needs the breaking and entering classes, it's some of the guys in prison because they got caught doing it. Okay. So I have a good contractor. He built an amazing fence out front, and I'm like very little tiny tile misalignments drive me nuts,

and doors not shutting completely correct, and you have to shove them closed. I'm like, it tweaks me out. And this fence he built is like, I'll go out at night and just rub the fence where the joints are. Cause they're so fucking perfect. Like laser aligned. I'm like,

Oh, this, I need this guy to redo my deck. I need, I need the precision on my deck. So I get a bunch of quotes and he comes in way under everybody else. And I'm like, I,

you know, actually thinking to myself, like, I don't care if you were the most expensive. I just need this kind of quality in the deck. But I'm also thinking he's missed. He didn't give me the right quote. Like, he didn't add in enough for whatever. And this was before lumber turned into the,

the price of lumber turned into the global warming graph. It's crazy right now. Yeah. So he comes in every week while he's redoing the next, he's like, hey, I got to talk to you. And I have this big smile on my face because I'm like, I know what you I know what this is. I know what you want to ask me. He's like, yeah.

So the lumber, I called around and it was like, it's going to be a month or it's going to be another three grand. Like he means doing it from like further than getting distance. He's like, I don't really know how to say it's doing it from like further than getting distance he's like i don't really know how to say it's gonna be like another three thousand bucks i'm like he's using head movement while he tells you guys yeah he's like how's your day been you want to sit you want to

sit down maybe put your hands behind put your hands in your pocket um so it's been great i don't even care every week he's like i know what Did you want the old deck demo, too? Because that's going to be another thousand bucks. I don't know. I'm like, oh, you didn't put the demo of the deck in the... Of course not. Of course you didn't. You're fine. You're fine. No worries. I get it. Just like, no, leave the old deck there.

Just that. No, build over it. You have phase technology, right? They can build a both at the same time dude i don't want to i don't want to take up any extra space either our house always has something that needs to get done if this guy was on the ball like he'd have a he'd have a real customer in you yeah he'd work here-time I'd have another dependent dude let me tell you about the greatest employee of of our generation and it's this guy that works

for my dad right now I think I've mentioned it before it's shocking the the fucking jack-of-all-trades this guy is oh he is he does everything for my dad for a very low wage like like $10 or $15 an hour plus little bonuses depending on what the job is. He does the grocery shopping. He puts the groceries away. And this is a little thing, right? Little thing. My dad's got obviously a normal refrigerator, but then he's got one of those Coca-Cola refrigerators.

It's Coca-Cola themed. Like a glass front maybe? Yeah, it's got the lever and it's like looks like a big coca-cola thing and it's in his like guitar room with all of his amps and guitars and like his big couch and everything where he goes and like chills and plays well the guy takes all of the sodas and like takes them out of their like six-pack like plastic thing and like they're individually in there like i don't know that's just a little thing the guy mops the floors and i mean hands and knees scrubbing like Cinderella.

Okay? Like sweat dripping off of him. Like he has to work backwards because he cleaned his own sweat. He's sweating so profusely. He makes the beds. He cleans the toilets. How often do you do these things? Every week.

There's a chore list, and it happens every week. Like each of these, the floors all get scrub things every week every like like there's a there's a chore list then it happens every week like each of these the floors all get scrubbed every week the beds get made up every day the um dad's like i can never find a salt shaker because he puts them away like everything is put away in its place like you can't even have salt and pepper like out on a countertop because everything is in its spot in slot like all this like i don't know if i like the ladles the the spatulas i'd be like listen skippy one of the salt shaker spots is right here on the counter right on the counter because i need salt all the time what if i decide to eat a tomato and i want some salt no it's put up it's put away like i went over there a few weeks ago

and i was i was like cooking my dad and i dinner and And I was like, where is everything? He's like, it's all got a spot. You'll figure it out. Everything's put away. The guy cuts the grass. He cleans the gutters. He cleans the pool. He keeps the pH in the pool just perfect in the saltwater pool.

He trims the roses. He fertilizes the garden. He picks the fruit in the garden and trims away the bad fruit so the tomatoes will grow extra big. He works on the farm also like early in the morning and gets all that out of the way. He tends to the computer systems that moderate everything at the farm. Like he works at least eight, 12 hours a day for my dad. And I don't think my dad's paying him more than $400 a week. I was just about to say, I knew the scam.

Your father needs, this is need not want, needs someone 10 hours a week. And this guy has turned it into a 70 hour a week job by doing more. Dad loves it. Yeah. I'm not saying he's definitely not dishonest. He's just turned it into a bigger job could have been honest thing one time and dad caught him he stole a little bit like 20 or something like that but dad was like we call that spillage all right you know like like oh he took

20 out of an ashtray well i've never seen anybody scrub a floor like this man before in my entire life. I've had four wives and I've never seen one of them mop a floor like this fucker. And I'd pay him $1,000 for a woman to scrub a floor like that. Never seen it in my life. I'm telling you, my dad, it seemed

kind of... My dad didn't mean it this way. He was just trying to illustrate to me how hardworking this guy is. But my dad sent me a picture of him scrubbing the floor. And he's just on his hands and knees. He looked like a slave. He's a white guy. He looked like a slave, though.

He looked like an indentured servant scrubbing this floor. And he's so red and sweaty. And he's got his shirt off. And he's just like, he's looking up. He's clearly out of breath. He looks up. he's just like he's looking up like he's clearly like out of breath he looks up he's like and my dad's like ka-ching i just want to show kyle how hard you work and i'm just like god damn he's working hard it's just he's trying to earn back trust after that 20 bill incident yeah there is nothing that you can imagine um like needing to

do around a household and a farm that this man doesn't do at this point. My dad's retired. Can he redo foundations? Can he do stuff like that? I mean, you pay for a – not a plane ticket. No, no, no. A bus ticket. And this man will be at your house not tonight but tomorrow.

And he'll do his damnedest to fix that foundation. He'll be crawling through your ducts like James Bond looking for fucking termites. He'll be biting them. He won't even need poison. He doesn't know how to fix a foundation or kill termites. He's just hitting them. He's going to do it all. He's going to grind the termites up, make a paste, and repair the foundation.

I like this guy. Now we're making money. He's clearly gay, effeminate. Dude, I met him the other day. Dad was like, he's been wanting to meet you for a while. He's like, every now and then

when you send me a picture of you, I show it to him and he's like, I want to meet him. I met him. I shook his hand. He's like every now and then when you send me a picture of you i show it to him and he's like i want to make him and so like i met him i shook his hand he's like it's real nice to make you kyle it's real nice i just been looking forward to making you for a long time needs to be asked does this guy keep in shape i mean you know scrubbing the floors keeps the man taught all right i'll say that about him i'll say that about him. I'll say that about him. Oh, speaking of taut men. So our boy Dirty lost some kind of a bet the other day. And he lost the bet to Ava.

You're familiar with Ava, right? Remind me. She slash he. Oh, now I know. Sure, sure. Yeah, I asked Ava what her um or his pronouns were and she says i'm just a faggot so i'm just like all right but i still need the answer to that i'm not gonna call you that so i i say she and uh um but but seems perfectly fine with he as well

with the pronouns but um i've come full circle on that i used to be some kind of fuck i don't know maybe i watched too much shapiro or some sort of fucking jordan peterson shit about people holding you hostage about the language you use and i and for certain it clicked with me but now i'm just like nah if they want to be fucking she there's she if they want to be a fucking circle they're a circle i don't fucking care anymore like anything else is just almost bigoted and and by almost i mean is so anyway she um she won this bet with dirty and uh the the deal was that dirty had to post whatever she wanted on his uh social media and at first it was going to be his instagram and he's like i got family on there i'm gonna post and she's like all

right your twitter then and so he had to post this picture of ava on his twitter let me see if i can get the picture like he's since deleted the tweet but i'm gonna see if i can get it oh well not much of a bet if he can delete it he just let it live out there for 30 seconds and then got rid of it sounds like a day and a half still seems like apparently so ava looking sexy i guess ava looking sexy got looking looking her best like bunny eared fem boy self like like like looking like oh i'm oh fuck yeah picture that's so funny oh i've got it i've got it one so ava just picked something to try and fuck with dirty as much as possible embarrass him as much as possible um i'm gonna to share exit so it's easier to share

rather than some sort of Discord link. It'll just take me a moment. Yeah, no problem. That's hilarious. What was the bet again? Was it a poker thing? You know, I don't remember exactly what it was. It could have been a poker thing or it could have been just like just some random bet they made together.

I don't know. We do a lot of gambling in the Discord. Oh, he random bet they made together uh i don't know that we do a lot of gambling in the discord um oh he actually i he 1v1'd him on league and the winner got to post whatever picture to the other's twitter that was the deal wow and ava is apparently a strong league player and so this went on dirty's twitter oh my god hang in there everyone i'll show it oh i'm sorry i forgot to knock but since you have it out why don't i come over and help you come daddy just the best that's fantastic i like how it's it's even written in text in a way to to embarrass dirty as much as possible.

Yeah, that is Ava. Good for you, Ava. Ava looking victory over Dirty. Ava is not a late night snacker. No, Ava's looking taut. Ava is a late night snack. Whoa. Oh, I didn't get it.

That's hilarious. That's a way better bet than a monetary one I agree We're going to have to start doing that bet Start something similar Oh right, we'll just do shirtless pics on Twitter, right? I just had what gets posted on the FPS Russia account

I didn't think about that It's getting good. I don't like this one anymore. Yeah, I'm looking fat and awful, but I'm also naked, so I'm taking this account down with me. Oh, wait, no, you can be naked on Twitter, I think. Yeah, so that wouldn't even work.

Yeah, you can be naked on Twitter, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. It's good stuff. Oh, all right, so I want to talk Death Pool a little bit. We never did go back to like trim up our death pools. Obviously, I'm a man down. And I think that what we agreed on was I could make any changes. Any of us can make any changes we wanted.

If that's not the case, what I do want to do is replace the dead person DMX on my dead pool with rondo quando the uh the rapper rondo quando okay he's atlanta based uh rapper um things just aren't going his way these days he lives a very dangerous uh uh lifestyle um so 22 but he's not sick not sick at all not okay okay well i'm down yeah the rules if i recall, were you can make any changes you want. You get first dibs to the people you already had. Yeah. I still want the big fat guy from Lost.

He's a ticking bomb. Oh, I love it. I love it. Hurley's a good one. Who else did you even have? I don't recall. If I'm allowed to, I want to get rid of Chris Jericho and replace him with Diego the Nightmare Sanchez. That's good. You know what? I'm allowed to, I want to get rid of Chris Jericho and replace him with Diego the Nightmare Sanchez. That's good. You know what?

I'm going to hold on to Lil Wayne. I'm going to hold on to Lil Wayne. Hang on to him for dear life. And the fat guy from Lost. But I guess I have a third. So, Dick, do any celebrities pop in your head or famous people who are under 50 not dying that you think will die soon?

Under 50? Yeah, to make it harder harder we do only under 50 death pools oh okay wait kyle did you did you not win because of no i did win i chose dmx who was like 49 years old and the man passed we just have to re-up now oh so you're doing it again yeah yeah instead of picking a whole new batch of five we're're just – obviously I'm a man down, so I wanted to have five players. And since we are doing like a reload, I figured – I thought Chris Jericho might be one of those wrestlers who has like CTE or is like maybe roid rage or something.

But then like I chose him too quickly because upon further research, real clean lifestyle, like positive kind of vibes. I think he does one of those instagrams where it's like wake up america it's time to start lifting weights and eating brussels sprouts and getting healthy with and being one of the lord yeah like yeah like like he's one of those super healthy like like mentally tough the lord anytime soon yeah he's not being the lord anytime soon what about tess holidayiday? Does she count as a celebrity? Because I saw that she was talking about anorexia.

I'm thinking maybe her anorexia will come back and that she'll starve herself to death. Did you guys see here? I have the tweet in front of me. She wrote on Twitter, I'm anorexic and in recovery. I'm not ashamed to say it out loud anymore. I am the result of a culture that celebrates thinness

and equates that to worth but i get to write my own narrative now i'm finally able to care for a body that i've punished my entire life and i am finally free this poor woman is the result of a culture that celebrates fitness and thinness and equates that to worth that's why she's anorexic tess holiday she's 700 pounds if we got did you get that part she's about the size of uh she's absolutely dominated anorexia mother-in-law he's talking about her she's she's been in recovery she's in recovery for everybody for all the anorexics she's like the jesus of anorexia she was in recovery for them all it's like it turns out being underweight is only one of the

symptoms of anorexia and she has like all the others like a bad relationship with food and i don't know all that but i'm like i have a bad relationship with food you're anorexic i i i don't know i'm an idiot i'm trying to like make sense of something that doesn't I have a bad relationship with food. You're anorexic. We all do if we overreact. I'm an idiot. I'm trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense in the slightest. She doesn't have anorexia. I would imagine somebody who's gone through really devastating anorexia might see something like that and be like, what?

Are you serious? Because I weighed 65 pounds when I was 21. I was on death's door. They had to show me a mirror and be like, you need to gain weight. You're dying. Your bones are falling apart. And not bulimia.

The girls who actually are like, I beat anorexia, are usually yoked. They usually turn to bodybuilding and stuff like that. They just pack on pounds and pounds of muscle so they can continue to look. They got protein farts. These women are fucking pounding food away now. Have you ever known a guy with anorexia? Any of you?

A guy with anorexia. I haven't. I'm in recovery every day, about six times a day, more on the weekend. No, I've never known a guy who had anorexia i've known some like super skinny guys but i think it's just genetic i don't think i've known any people with anorexia in real life i've seen them on youtube yeah i knew of like girls in high school who had it but obviously like you don't bring that up but like this is when this is in grade school because they're hot there was this kid there was this kid that was a year older than me

or yeah he was a year older than me he Yeah. He was a year older than me. He was a friend of mine's brother. And so I was in first grade, he was in second grade and he had anorexia as a second grade boy and like, wouldn't eat, wouldn't touch food. Like, like, and it caused for him. Cause like, especially at that age, like he's, I'm pretty sure I haven't kept in touch with these people at all in the last 25 years. But like, like they were even talking at the time, like, yeah just not growing we keep telling him you need to eat you're not growing

like your younger brother's gonna catch up to you like you're i couldn't imagine being a parent and like dealing with that with the what is that so what's the second grader eight years old an eight year old who like refuses to eat not even like seven or something like yeah that kid clearly had some some kind of issue going on probably some yeah i mean i knew picky eaters i knew picky eaters where it was like yeah they they'd have to like pack their lunches because they just wouldn't eat like certain things you know but that's completely separate things totally yeah there's a bunch of picky kids i don't i don't know what the anorexia for like kids that young is even about like how it even materializes necessarily because i'm kind

of abused i would guess like that's how so many of those things manifest is like yeah yeah weird stuff like that like um i know of a girl who was molested by her father and so she she was she would not bathe so that she would be like filthy so that he wouldn't want to molest her and so that carried on into adulthood so that she was just always filthy and wouldn't take baths and stuff and like that's just like serious dark mental illness that you just it's terrible you know yeah so maybe there's some anorexia um that that comes from a place like that not necessarily molestation but like something deep-rooted like that i've had this not politically correct thought from time to time and it's so let's say you're 17 and you have anorexia right let's all agree that's not good it's probably hot but not good

now we fast forward she's past the anorexia she's 27 can she tap into that super willpower anytime she wants and stay thin right does she use her anorexic powers to just not get overweight in her 30s and 40s well it's not a skill as much as i would understand it to be a compulsion it's like a compulsive disorder where they don't feel like they can eat so can they tap into it and dial it up a little bit now and then be like you know what i need to be uh compulsed to lose about 12 pounds just turn that on yes they can they definitely can what he's wondering like you know

like is there any way you could molest me and lose 5 pounds over the weekend yeah because i'll take a little molestation it's like when the epa shuts down the ghostbusters containment thing and all the ghosts shoot out. That's just what they do, except with their brain.

So all of the reasons that they stopped eating in the first place go shooting out all over the place. And you're like, oh, shit. Well, now you're fat and annoying. Oh, they get fat? No, I would have thought that someone who battled anorexia would have no trouble just staying in shape. No, because they have no idea what they look like. They look in the mirror and you just see a monster.

It's like they don't know if they're hot or if they're 50 pounds overweight. Yeah. I'm okay if she thinks she looks too heavy. Always strive. They have dysphoria. Is it dysmorphia or dysphoria? It's one of those. Dysmorphia. D dysmorphia dysmorphia one of them is is it but yeah they just like dick said they they see themselves in the mirror and they may be like 65 pounds but and to them they don't see that like their reality is like oh i'm a big fat

fucking mess and i need just i can't believe you ate that strawberry today you animal oh you're never gonna be like or whatever the internal mental monologue is. It's just everybody has body dysmorphia, right? I guess I'm watching that TV show Clarice right now. It's a TV show that is a sequel to Silence of the Lambs. So it's Clarice Starling right after she kills Buffalo Bill. And so the girl who was down in the well if you remember correctly buffalo bill would kidnap chubby women

a great big fat woman and because he wanted to like starve them so their skin would get a little loose and then when he killed them he could skin them and make his woman suit so the the girl who was smart contractor so the girl who was rescued from down in the well the pit who was being starved now she has this compulsive eating thing where like she's doing like hanging sit-ups eating nothing but low-fat yogurt like but and it's clearly like in a response to this like she doesn't want to be the kind of person that a buffalo bill would kidnap ever again like she's just getting fucking ripped she's like linda hamilton to be the kind of person that a Buffalo Bill would kidnap ever again. Like she's just getting fucking ripped. She's like Linda Hamilton living in a room all by herself just doing fucking chin-ups.

Is it the same actress? No. It looks so much like her. It's been decades. Right. What am I thinking? Yeah. It would be neat if that actress got her shit together.

They did a good job of casting on this. The woman they have playing jodie foster essentially looks a bit like jodie foster sounds a bit like jodie foster she's a tiny woman like jodie foster is it's it's an okay show if you like him like i like hannibal i like everything in that universe um of of like uh hannibal lecter and all the books and stuff so i'm i'm kind of into it right now i've watched all the episodes that are out i was talking about everyone having body dysmorphia so i've lost some weight recently i don't know if forget what i weighed last time dick was on the show but i i peaked at 222 people asked me how much i weighed i didn't want to tell them because i was embarrassed but that was my

starting weight 222 and i've lost 29 pounds i'm'm 193 now. Very nice. And I put on some muscle too, but I don't know the gap. But I've been lifting weights. And when I weighed 200, I felt so great. I got like a four pack and I was like, I can't believe I look like this. Like this is actually me. This isn't a trick. I can just flex my abs anytime I want to and see him is this great

i've lost seven more pounds and i'm like yeah you still got work to do you look great i have so many shirtless pictures of woody in my phone now they look great his most recent picture is his best like he's looking great you've mentioned that you're like jackie just said my smile looked good but it was like your smile did've mentioned that you're like, Jackie just said my smile looked good, but it was like, your smile did look really good. You looked like you were about to try and sell me a pre-owned. I bought it too.

I wasn't going to beat me up. I got braces in October. Here's what happened. I got braces in October and, uh, there are these In invisalign braces they're right here and um now every time i eat i have to take the braces out you can't eat with them in and then when i'm finished i have to brush my braces and brush my teeth it's like a chore

and what it's done is it made every eating decision a more conscious one there is no little snack there is no like eat and go to sleep. No, you can't eat and go to sleep. You have to, if you did that, hypothetically, you'd get out of bed, take your braces off, eat, get out of bed again, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, brush your braces. It's, it's a different process. And, um, that's how I lost my first eight pounds. And then that led to, I don't know, like a little bit of success was like oh let's take this farther and let's take i guess further let's take this further let's take this further and um then i started lifting and getting even more strict on the diet and i just kept going and he bought a

gym that rivals most commercial i didn't have in that house? Just one gym. The eastern gym is the good one. There's a lot of dangerous characters in that southern gym. I don't know. You have to get a guy in to put on your elevator a gym plaque when you put the gym in. And you know that it's on the second floor. I think Kyle overstates it. It's really small. But what's there is nice.

It's efficient. I have a gym floor. I've got a nice rack of dumbbells a squat rack and like a functional trainer and a couple benches and stuff and uh mirrors yeah just more than uh and uh and one of the things i like the most is i bought a little mini split like air conditioner heater so the gym is exactly the temperature I want. It's so funny that like that you always like it's so funny what other people sell about the stuff they have. Because like every time you talk about your gym, like if I were you, I'd be like, yeah, there's a bunch of cool stuff. But then there's a thousand dollar functional trainer in the corner that you can do this and this and this.

And you're all you're ending thing. Your big hurrah is always and the climate control finish finish with the multi-functional trainer the thing that if you saw it in like a lifetime fitness you'd be like damn that's a nice one like dick you literally had you know the functional trainers he's got like the kind you would see at a gym like the kind that you need to like pass a class before they let you start taking probably it's nice i like it it does it i ask it to weighs a metric ton you can't move it when the people came and installed it it was like not in the corner and a little bit crooked and they're like all right what do you think and it's my nature to be like great job boys but i'm like we can't leave it there we can't

leave it there you know it's it's 14 inches from this wall and eight inches from this wall and we want it in the corner it's not a big room so you know you know you don't want to give up a foot even like you know and uh i think you boys need to get back to work yeah yeah and one of the guys is like i told you i told you i told you. I told you. I told you. And I'm like, he knew. He knew that you did a bad job. And you just wanted to stop here. But this guy knew.

And then they fixed it. If they would have left it there, how would you have even moved it? Like, I don't know. A series of come along. Yeah, like a series of levers and pulleys or something. I'm going to have to get – I'm really got to get strong now so that I can move my functional trainer into the corner. It's so heavy, like you'd have to do math to move it. I don't know how I'd move it without damaging the floor.

You can't move it without damaging the floor. It literally probably weighs 1,400 pounds or something. It's something like, it's really heavy. It literally probably weighs 1,400 pounds or something. It's something like – it's really heavy. But they moved it. Like the four of them all were able to like lift and drag and get it in place. Yeah, but do you have a ton of baby termites in the corner of your gym?

No. No, I like it a lot. I'm glad that you two have like forged this path of like figuring out what, what good gym equipment is. Whenever I get a new house, I think, I think I'll look into maybe a home gym if I'm not like close to one, but like, it's so much more fun to do it at home anyway. I don't know about that. I kind of like,

I don't like the idea of being at, I'm of the opinion that there are smart people on both sides of this debate, right? There are people who are absolutely like, I don't know that I would stick to it as well as i have if i had to like get in the car and like bring my gym clothes and organize a bag daily to have clean or you might stick to it more because think of it this way now you've gotten organized you've gotten in your car and you've driven somewhere are you really not gonna do that last set you're here there's no you could

be at your house and you could be like i'll come back i'll go to the refrigerator have some carrots so i'll recuperate hey a little extra rest time maybe i do a couple extra reps and then you just never make it back into that room it doesn't it doesn't happen i i think people can be wired either way and like no one's necessarily right i go in there on my rest day sometimes and just be like you know i'm here i'm gonna do my i just do my warm-up typically i do um from dick the mcgill three is that what it is oh yeah the big three dude that's life-changing oh my gosh yes so i i do it on my rest days sometimes and i replace the crunches with hanging knee raises but it's basically the same

and uh i do that or um i hurt my ankle lately so i'll just go in and do ankle pt on my rest days and stuff but i don't think i'd do that if i went to a commercial gym so that's fair that's definitely fair i definitely i mean i rarely miss workouts and i it's because of my home gym like because i still have like a job and shit like it's often that like afternoon time i'll go down and start working out and like you know three sets into bench or you know seated row whatever it is like i get an email that like needs immediate attention and i have to like run upstairs real quick get on my laptop do whatever i have to do and then i run right back down like for me it's really really convenient and it makes it for me it like it

takes away any kind of excuse so like i guarantee i would i would give myself fucking excuses or be like oh you've been busy all day and you just oh you're so you're stressed about a blah blah blah just just take the day off whereas if it's in my basement and i spent all this money on that equipment like there's a feeling of urgency and a feeling of guilt if i like if i go a week and i don't use it i start to be like what are you retarded? You're taking up all this space in your basement, thousands of dollars in plates and machines and power racks, barbells. And you're up here re-watching King of the Hill like an asshole.

Like, what are you doing? Get down there and start lifting. Yeah, the termites hurt when they bite me, but I've got to get those bones. Yeah, I have to do it. And you know what? Motivation. It shows me that not even thousands of bugs crawling all over me can stop me. Taylor, do you not have a TV in your gym?

No, I do. I have a TV in my gym. Okay. That would be my selling point of the gym, this gigantic 65-inch TV that I installed poorly and as cheaply as possible. It's a little bit crooked, but that's all right. I got a new TV and I'm like, well,

I can either give this one away or just put it in the garage and like have three hour workout slash mad men marathons. You have a home gym. Yeah. I miss going to the gym. I miss seeing, I miss seeing like the occasional hot chick at the gym, which was very few and far between, but I love working out in my flip-flops,

which they do not allow. Oh, that sounds incredibly dangerous. Really? What are you doing in your flip-flops? Russian roulette workouts. I do everything in my flip-flops. I just love it. Flip-flops and jeans. You wear jeans when you're squatting and shit?

Yeah. I love working out in jeans and flip-flops. I know it's dangerous i'm all about the flip-flops too man but but but if you're gonna be working with with plates like like you gotta put some sneakers on i don't want to get sweaty in jeans that sounds awful it's great no it's great it's like you feel like these are how jeans were meant to be like you're supposed to get all sweaty and they start shaping your barbell jeans um i do have a workout set of jeans yeah it's like this is the best one and i will only work out in these because they're all ripped on the night i don't do it all the time i'm not like a gay coke commercial or something yeah for sure i like having no shirt on i like the danger i like

having absolutely no spotter ever yeah power rack where you have safeties or what are you working with in there yeah i have a power rack but i don't i don't do squats that's a young man game well i mean for benching like do you do the safe uh like do you put the safeties in there no i go straight off and i do it right and man i'll always always go for 10 never ever ever i'll bump up five pounds like, all right, here's one. Dial nine one. And then if something happens, hit the one with your nose. I got a dog now. And I hope that if something happens, she would go get something. But she probably just sit there chewing on a pig ear. There have been times that I've been flat benching in my basement

where like if I didn't have those safeties, I would have died because it's like the last one up. It's like, you know, push like you're going to die. And it's like the last one up it's like you know push like you're gonna die and it's like there's just there's no more juice in the in the tank like and i drop it and it clangs on the safeties like three quarters of an inch above your chest it's it's spooky but my god i'm thankful for that you're just balls to the wall i've never had safe no i don't know how you i no racks are for my i've never had safety i failed every other week i just don't put the locks on and if i fail it gets spilt on the floor oh i mean that's fair enough i just i'm in my house i don't want to dump a heavy bench and then have it have that bar go at the top of my power rack

and probably come down yeah no i don't know it does that seems so that seems so much more dangerous than like trying to let it down as slowly as i can on the same well nothing's more dangerous than leaving 300 pounds on your chest but it's not on my chest it's on the safeties well there's no safeties except the safeties don't like on my power rack i have a titan x3 there's like the you know how you put the the bar in five or like six is like slightly too too high so if i come down like i'm clanging on it before i can hit my chest yeah and then five i would just die slower because it's too low and so like there have been times where i like dropped it on five and like as it's coming down i have to like go like that and then just kind of

i wonder if there are any like smart i wonder I wonder if there are any smart safeties out there. You know with table saws, they have that technology where if it's flesh that touches the blade, the blade just instantly stops. Yeah. Is there anything like that that can tell the difference between you just coming down and you running out of gas? Oh, I bet there's a thing with a pedal that you press can tell the difference between you just coming down and you and you running out of gas oh i bet

there's a a thing with a pedal that you press that's just like emergency and like i guarantee there's a there's a there's a safety stop that involves like a pedal that's down by your feet that you can like press to like engage it or lock it or like get it off of you or something i thought about rigging something like i've always had a home gym. I've always thought about rigging something exactly like what you're describing. If I just thought of it just now, someone else already thought of it, engineered it, patented

it, and sold it. I guarantee it exists. Just like my salt and pepper in one jar thing that I came up with years ago. You just stole that from the peanut butter and jelly guys. I did, I did. But where did they... Nobody likes that peanut.

The ratio's all wrong. I don't want that much jam. When I was a kid, I liked it because I thought it was cool because I couldn't imagine how they got it in there that way. How do they get it in there? When I was like six, it's like,

man, are they putting individual slices? And it's like, no, retard. It's like aquafresh toothpaste. They're just firing it out of there into into canisters oh it took me like 10 minutes i don't have a tv i just have a laptop on the stand i found an old picture you're gonna want a tv bro tv like you don't do cardio though so it's like you don't really need a tv yeah you want the tv when you're just i don't listen to music when i'm working out i re-watch king of the hill or i watch something funny or if you're ever doing I don't listen to music when I'm working out. I rewatch King of the Hill or I watch something funny or.

If you're ever going to do cardio, like the only way to do cardio is like have a TV program in front of you. And just like watching Seinfeld, the pedals don't matter. The pedals don't exist. The pedals don't exist. Seinfeld's another good workout show. I watch that all the time.

Seinfeld's a good one. Yeah. Seinfeld or, or just like YouTube videos, like even information, something that's informational that requires a little brain horsepower that'll keep you distracted from the monotony of cardio, whatever cardio you're doing.

I watch somebody who's just yoked out of their mind do the same exercise as me and explain it. Oh, that's no fun. Or just watch Predator. Well, I mean, yeah, just watch a bunch of jacked guys. Or Dan Horn. I remember... That'll do it gay porn yeah gay porn is excellent i thought you guys were gonna leave me alone on that limb thank you

i mean i just i just don't look at it and then i'm like hearing motivation it's like take it take it that's true yeah yeah you like that don't you bitch no don't say that that's not helping me lift yeah put that in your mouth you dirty whore who owns this who owns this i do i do you're getting that last fucking pr in who's my little bitch me if i keep doing reps i get to be the bull yeah so do you uh dick do you just have the the power rack or like are you all barbells I get to be the bull. Yeah. So do you, uh, Dick,

do you just have the power rack or like, are you all barbells, dumbbells? Like how, how big of a setup do you have? Well, I used to have all these stupid, like a stretchy elastic or whatever they are.

Resistance bands. Resistance bands. Yeah. But then I got back on the dirty stuff. I got back on the dirty weights and the, uh, I got, um,

my sister had kids. So inherited her uh rack and bench a while ago um but now she's like a four post squat rack what's that like a four post squat rack that's what we're talking about yeah yeah yeah um that's all i got it's the center of any good gym according to the regular crown royal you got like some some like honey or apple or something it's just regular regular literally like i was give it give it a little for me oh that's nice i don't i don't know what what the difference literally the reason i have this i i'm not a liquor drinker at all uh mostly just drink light beer when i do drink but like my ass yeah i boof it sometimes i boof it but uh basically i was like we were all registering for our wedding my fiance and i she was just like shooting the gun at things that she thought was cool and one of

them was like a little you know those drink carts that you can put in like the corner of your dining room where you have like liquor bottles on it and the thing and like neither of us are really hard alcohol people but like we got that and I assembled it earlier this week. And I've just been like looking, you know, another friend got me this crystal decanter and I'm like, I just want something to go in it so bad. Like I look so cool. And so I'm like right before the show, I was like, Hey, will you go? Like, I'm tired of looking at this for like two weeks, go like buy any kind of whiskey. I want to put it in the crystal decanter and then I'm going to drink it out of a fancy cup. And I have these like circle ice cubes that are freezing right now

i'm gonna try later and so she did and like and i don't i don't know what i'm tasting or anything i put so much fucking ice in this because because i don't really want it to be that strong made up fancy it looks neat on there there's like wine bottles that we also don't drink down there you know i got some some fancy cups some so i guess crown was wine bottles that we also don't drink down there. You know, I got some, some fancy cups, some, I guess crown was what came to mind. I don't really know anything about whiskey, but crown's kind of nice,

right? I like crown. I like it. No, it's not. What's, what's good, Dick.

Tell me what's a good, what's good. A good whiskey. That's like more of not, not something super over the top fancy. Well, they all have just expense, expensive versions of,

um, of, of what they have. Like you got Rare Breed, Gentleman Jack. Those are probably a little bit higher. Maker's Mark has a reserve. It's fine. It's just it's not as bad as like Jack or Jim Beam. Yeah, Jack. You should get Tony Soprano Special.

Get that Glenlivet. Is that what he drinks? All right, I'll buy one. Is that expensive? It's not cheap. It can be. It depends on how much one you get, right? It's like McCallum.

If it's like a 12-year or an 18 or 20-something year. Okay. Or some sort of blend of like, they've got the mother cask from the old country that's 800 years old. Yeah. Yeah. got the mother cask from the old country that's 800 years old yeah yeah i basically like i'm gonna buy some bottles to have on there to look nice in the corner but i can already like foresee what's gonna happen it's gonna be like some saturday and i'll have friends over and i'm like you see my drink cart yeah you guys gonna have a drink like yeah let's just go get some bud light though i don't want to drink this then that's how it'll end up going because you know the beer's just go get some Bud Light though. I don't want to drink this. Then that's how it'll end up going.

Because, you know, the beer's just better. I like the carbonation. I hate it. I hate it. If I was, I don't like alcohol to begin with, but if I was going to drink, I would want some nice tequila. I'd want a nice tequila,

something pretty high end. Even the Rocks tequila is actually okay. Like back when I could drink, like, like I tried the rocks tequila, I think it's called Tierra Mana or something. Uh, something like that. It's okay. Um, but, uh, but no, I, I like, I like nice tequila with a little bit of lime and, uh, and just kind of straight up. I do like it chilled. Um, but, but, uh, The brands very well. I just do what you said years ago which is like make sure it's in that way there's no like grain alcohol like jose cuervo where they're like making it cheaper

yeah that's why people apparently are like oh tequila really fucks me up and i have hangovers and it's like well that's because you were drinking grain alcohol mixed with shitty tequila yeah yeah you're not even drinking tequila it's it's like yeah as long as it's like 51 tequila in the bottle we can call it tequila and it's just like okay well maybe i want 100 tequila in my tequila like like make that the bare minimum but um i can't remember the the brands that i liked before um but they always there was one that was in this really fancy bottle that had like a decanter top it looked like a a big fucking golden egg that was in the top. It was so fucking good.

I don't know what the decanter is meant to do. Does it do anything? So when I put whiskey into that crystal square decanter, am I supposed to leave that open? And what am I doing? The purpose of a decanter is that so you as so your wife doesn't know how much you're drinking because you can always fill it up and then throw the bottle away i'm 100 serious about i'm i'm decanter life big time i not even i know how much i'm drinking i just go to the store every time i'm at the store, I buy all the bottles of wild turkey. And then me or someone keeps the decanter full.

I swear to God, that's the purpose. There's not, like, it doesn't need to breathe. The whiskey doesn't need to breathe. It's just so no one could count how much liquor you're drinking. So it literally doesn't do anything but look cooler. No, no, it just looks, it's glass. It's not some kind of, like,

special liquor massaging glass that you put that in. You see those special shaped things where they're like, you pour wine in there and then they say, wait a little while. Yeah, wine is alive though. Liquor is not. Liquor is just ethanol. It's just a chemical mixed with oak. I'm still going to keep liquor in there even if it doesn't do anything. It looks so much neater than the regular bottle oh yeah you don't you don't have a crappy um whiskey bottle sitting

out there no that's trash man no i'm gonna line the whole thing with warm miller lights that's your beer no no i don't i just thought of that because my brother came in town like three weeks ago and he brought a bunch of miller light and i still have i just thought of that because my brother came in town like three weeks ago and he brought a bunch of miller light and i still have like 10 cans of miller light sitting in a box in the corner of my kitchen because it's like there is something off about the way miller light tastes compared to other light beers there's something if there's yes yeah i just like i like bud select which i don't know if that's everywhere uh i'm every time i have a party there's always some joker who will bring like a 24 pack of

medello and then it will sit in my it will shift back and forth from the garage to like the counter slowly getting whittled away at for over like three beers here and there because it's just you know come on buddy who well whose house are you coming to here bringing this on the day of my cinco de mayo you're bringing me cinco de mayo 24 pack look what i got over here a golden road six pack a wolf pup these that these people have brought me and here's you something that you just probably grabbed out of the store and didn't even pay for get it out of here shit are you a a beer guy at all or a fancy liquor decanter man um i'll drink it all if it's if it if it will make me forget about all the problems that i caused with liquor i will drink it i every a couple times a year

i'll convince myself like yeah this is the time I'm going to understand wine. And I'll like, I'll go buy some wine. And like the first couple of nights, like you try it, like with dinner or something, you're like, man, I'm like, I'm like a fancy adult. Like I'm, and then like, it'll come up and it's like, I just, I just, I really don't want that. I want beer. I want a light, crisp, refreshing beer. I don't want this heavy red wine. That's going to make me just... And wine drunk. People talk about that. Wine drunk is the least pleasant drunk.

It makes you lethargic. It makes you lazier than any other kind of drunk I feel like. I hate wine. I'm with you on that one. Not one glass if I have to, but... What not cares about the steak? That's what I want to know.

What was that, Kyle? Sorry. I'm not a big fan of wine i never have been i don't really like beer either beer to me has to be like accompanied with like a beer food like i would never just sit and like watch a game and drink beer after beer but if we have like hot dogs or like um like wings or something like that then i'll drink a white trash beer like i like miller light is my my go-to light beer because I want it to taste like fucking water. I don't want it to taste like beer. Or Corona or Dos Equis.

Dos Equis in the green bottle is probably my favorite beer. I've been getting into White Claws lately. I don't know if you gentlemen have heard of this. Oh, fancy. They are good. It's what the TikTok crowd likes. I've been trying to learn their ways.

La-di-da. What do you got, like a 17-year-old girlfriend? Is that why you're breaking out the White Claws? You know, Hope, that's the plan. This is step one of the plan. That's how you do that. Yeah, you start with the White Claws. Yeah, I know some people who drink those.

I've never had one. Probably would be delicious. Sounds delicious. Yeah, I think they came out after your whole hullabaloo. Yeah, I'd rather just get stoned as a motherfucker. Just so stoned I could barely move, which is the plan. And you will, I promise. Let's see, we are 148 days out.

148. Two hours, 51 minutes, 12 seconds. What does that mean? Until my probation's over and I can smoke dope. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. I mean, you're like three quarters of the way through.

No, at least. Yeah, more than that. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to move to a more weed-friendly? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. okay oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah like the moment that thing clicks over that i'm gonna time it just right so that that 747 is like crossing the state line have somebody in first class throw an edible at you dart me with marijuana

concentrate the moment. Write down your goal. Oh, it hurts so much. Okay, I'm high now. Okay, we're good. Didn't you think Biden would like loosen up all the weed shit? No, Biden's still an old fucking fart man. Look, he's no Bernie Sanders, alright?

Look, we need to do ads after this but like, I'm steeped in this nonsense right now. You want to know who's leading the charge for marijuana legalization? Fucking Mitch McConnell, right? Not Mitch McConnell. Who's the majority leader? What's his fucking name? Chuck Schumer?

Chuck Schumer, that guy. Yeah, the old white dude from New York. Yes, yeah, you're right. I remember that. He's leading the fucking charge. He's like, we're sending it to biden's desk whether he wants it or not yeah we'll see about that because like there's like three or four democrats who are not down for the legalized marijuana in the senate that's bullshit i don't know there's a list of them mansion maybe maybe even cory booker too. There's like three or four of them.

I don't know. I was looking at it the other day. They're against legalization. But you need the super majority, right? To avoid the filibuster, you need 60 votes. So you need every Democrat plus nine or ten, whatever it is, Republicans. And that just seems like it's far-fetched. Wow. I want to look into this and get all the numbers,

but it's slow pace. Yeah, it's pretty much what I just said. There was like four or five Dems who were just like, uh-uh, no, we're not up for legal marijuana. We think it causes more problems than it does good. We think it's going to create a drug epidemic you know like it does in all those and all those other places where it's legal and for 40 of the united states and in canada and mexico you know where they have those epidemics

of marijuana dopers running through the streets starting fires and murdering and wait no they just eat nachos and chill so Cory Booker says he wants he's going to release a draft bill to end marijuana prohibition so I don't think he's the anti guy but I believe you that there's probably some Democrats who aren't on board I

I don't know why it's even a partisan issue who's the dumbass who's not five? It's four or five. It's four or five. Oh, my mistake. Just me and like Animal Wood. Yeah, it's fun.

We developed this while you were off screen, Woody. Yeah, you don't know about this. This is a private joke between the three of us. You're not involved. Hey, boys. You'll never get it. And it's oh so funny. Shit.

I wish I could figure out who the holdup is. I'll have to look at this offline. There's multiple holdups. Woody, you take a little time. I'm going to take a piss. If you would like. And we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors. This episode of PKA is brought to you by a company we know and love, Postmates.

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And get your breath smelling good. And also get yourself some Postmates free delivery. I've looked into it. There are two Democrats against marijuana. There are three more Democrats on the fence about it. And it doesn't appear that there are any Republicans looking to, like, make up those numbers. What about Rand Paul? He's all...

I think Rand Paul doesn't like the part of the bill that either some of the taxation issues, because, you know, he's got that libertarian spin to him, or maybe even part of what the taxation, what the tax dollars go to. Because I believe the tax dollars go to minority groups or minority marijuana businesses to fund that. Not just marijuana businesses, specifically minority marijuana businesses? Specifically, yes.

We got to get this black and brown marijuana business. So it's literally like a racial requirement to get this? Yeah, because the idea behind a lot of this is that black and brown people have been targeted by marijuana laws in the past because apparently not one white person has had any issues due to marijuana law. Not one. Not one. Give me one example of

one of those people. Find me someone rich and famous who also got in trouble. Oh, that would never happen. It'd always be someone or nobody you've never heard of. Yeah, you're a Neanderthal. They go after the Tallss the neanderthals they need special provisions in that bill for those of us with neanderthals exactly right there are two republicans cynthia loomis and ran paul

who are open to descheduling marijuana i guess that's legalizing they can't even get the bill to like fix the banking through but they balked at tax and racial equity provisions. Yeah. So tax and racial equity provisions. Like they just tried to get the banking bill through that would allow for like, you know, banks to be able to handle like marijuana businesses,

deposits and, and, and such such so they can run a business and not worry about any sort of federal interference that didn't make it through the senate like they can't get that going can't get it co-sponsored or whatever i'm not i don't remember but most of my knowledge about how uh the fucking congress works comes from that fucking cartoon with a little bill that dance a good cartoon I'm just a bill or whatever the fuck. Um,

yeah, if I, I do feel like the Democrats who do everything fucking wrong, in my opinion, they're doing this right. This is a popular issue. Most people want this. Be the pot party.

You're dumb asses. People who don't like guns. It's the ninth most important thing to them people who do like guns number one this is they can there's they can be single issue voters they're pro-gun the people who are against guns are more pro-health care or fuck the rich or whatever you know then they are anti-gun yeah i saw my buddy uh democrats are on the popular side of this they should twist that knife my buddy eric you you know, Iraq veteran 8888. I happened to catch one of his tweets the other day and it was like, we need a politician who isn't some 70 or 80 year old fuddy buddy stuck in the 70s who thinks marijuana is evil, who can support gun rights and has some common sense.

It's like, how is that so hard to find yeah it's like it's funny you said that the like they literally said i think it was the alaskan guy but i need to see it again we're in the middle of an opioid epidemic we can't legalize pot it's a gateway drug to opiates huh i mean that's so true I've had all the evidence of that I've never even wanted an opiate You know why? Because I've got weed Motherfucker, I've got weed When they took my weed away I was like

Well it's time to get some dental work now You know why? They're going to hook me up with some Tylenol 3 I was doing elective dental work So they would hook me up with something to take the edge off I would way rather do uh acid than vicodin and all the vicodin in the world and i love them both but i mean i mean if i had my brothers i'd do both at the same time that's isn't acid a bad time and confusing and hallucinogen and like no that's that's all horseshit uh it just makes you... Honestly, if you're doing it with a bunch of people,

just one hit, it will be like a... You will have the funniest night of your life. Everything that everybody says is hilarious. You will gut laugh from deeper than you've ever laughed before. The hallucinations, there is mild visual hallucinations. If you look at Stucco, or if look at anything that has like a pattern to it,

you know, like a random pattern or anything like that, like a moving blanket, which I'm looking at right now. But there's no, like all of the Hollywood shit, like people's faces are melting off. I don't know. I think it's a bunch of people who like wanted to look cool. Like they did a little bit of drugs or maybe they didn't even do it and just made it up like they were drinking 800-proof beer. Isn't – Yeah. No.

Acid and LSD, are they different things? They're the same thing. LSD is the one where you really need a babysitter, a sober person to make sure that you don't make terrible decisions, right? I don't think so. I mean, I can function fine i think what you really need is like a planned environment like you wouldn't want to be like all right busy day at the office today i got my briefcase my hit of acid and my coffee all right let's get to it

a lot of big decisions to make today the boardroomroom is going to be counting on us. It's more of like, all right, I've got dinner planned. I've got microwave dinners. I've got my two best friends here. We've got the lights turned down. We're going to watch these movies. There's a little music in the background. The phone is turned off. Let's do some acid.

It's more like that because I've done mushrooms a couple times. With that, I don't know how that compares to lsd i know i i guess there's mushrooms i'm on my ass i'm like i'm like i can't function i gotta sit and i'm it's like super weed for me oh the first time i took them i just had pretty colors you know and then the second time i had like actual visual hallucinations where like things were stretching and um like perspective was being all you think yeah i don't remember any breathing issues other than when i passed out but i think that's just because i had the panic attacks objects will breathe at you like oh i don't remember anything like that um colors were incredibly vibrant though which was like really nice i mean we were talking to our friend the other day who has the extreme color blindness and i was like i don't know anything about color blindness but i

wonder like what he would see if he was on a fat dose of mushrooms he like he sees like like the movie flashback scene version of reality yeah like when their antagonist is like before they add color he's in like he's he sees like the first five minutes of x-men first class yeah they've drug like they've slid the slider all the way to the left and it's like tans and grays or something like that like like he can't see any of the colors essentially the way he described it yeah that would suck just seeing everything in gray scale yeah yeah i i felt like i was a little mean to him and he didn't laugh at my joke about how i was like yeah i'm gonna go out later and just enjoy all the beautiful colors you guys ever do that and he just sat there

like stony face and i was like well god damn man i didn't mean to be mean oh but he doesn't mind i don't think he did either but but uh but I felt bad. I wish he'd get those glasses. I almost want to help him get them. He was like, oh, they're so expensive. I was like, how much? $600. And it's just like. Oh, that's not too.

Come on. $600? Maybe we save up, Bovity. You know, like I know you like your supplements. You're probably spending that every couple months on your supplements and stuff. Goodness. I want to see colors. Can you make all your money back?

Because all you have to do is make some overly dramatic YouTube video with sad music of you crying. Yeah, we'll promote it. You know what? How about all of us just make that video? We'll pretend to be colorblind. We'll pretend to be colorblind. What if you did that but then you suddenly became very

racist now that you could tell the difference and that was the video You put on the glasses and then started going on a rant about all the other colors of people Unbeknownst to me this guy's brown and this guy's yellow I always wondered why my neighbor was such a douche bag

Now I know. Thanks to these. You're like TV and it shows you crying and then it pans and you're watching Casablanca. Just a black and white movie. Yeah, that's a good

idea. We should all fake being colorblind for the clout. Too late now. You should move to LA with your weed problems. Oh, yeah. I love the taxes there. That sounds like a great idea. Let's go somewhere where we get taxed at a 45% rate on every scale. How about any other place except for New York and the world?

I would rather i would rather hang myself than move to fucking la um uh right now i'm probably moving to colorado but like shit i like why not go to vegas and avoid like don't they have no state income tax there like like they do yeah i mean you live in a goddamn desert but i like to play cards and they got legal weed you go outside they get legal prostitution which isn't really my thing but i think it's cool that it's there um or you go all the way up to oregon where they've decriminalized every fucking drug that you can think of and they have indian casinos i that's a reoccurring theme to me i like to gamble i play poker um or fucking there's lots of places any of the places that have medical marijuana and also have like very low taxes especially like the places have no state income tax like that's much more

advantageous for me much more attractive of a destination for me than la i didn't i've never liked la man i don't even know if it's true you have the correct you have the correct response i was bringing i was saying it because they did this wonderful thing in LA where they require – legalized weed, yeah, great. You can have a business on it. But in order to get a license for your business, whatever business it is, growing, cultivating, testing, selling, they're only giving out a certain number of licenses like a taxi cab medallion.

And the first people in line are people who have been to prison for 10 years on weed crimes. So they're like – She only did the two months. Well, it goes down once they run out of guys for 10 years. So they've got so they set up this a mate. Now you think, oh, isn't that equitable? Isn't that wonderful? They're giving some back to the community. But it turns out it turns out that just because you went to prison for these crimes doesn't mean you know how to run a business and that you're still criminal.

You're still like basically a criminal. So they've all of our like our entire weed landscape in L.A. And like the Los Angeles area is shady as fuck. It's full of people who are always like, OK, well, that's that's a nice business. But how can we squeeze a little? Is there anything illegal we could do? want a hand job will you will you dope so there's like a sub market of guys trying to sell just their convictions to you so you can have a business that has them as a 51 partner because they've been in prison for 10 years all

right anybody out there in la who's uh interested in getting this started i will i will jump on board partner with you i will i will start a temporary residence there which you will pay for and and uh just let me know if you want to skip ahead in that line we'll be partners on the marijuana business that you do everything for there's a real business opportunity we used to do that with um black black owned businesses when I worked in construction. Here's what would happen. The states would put out contracts and the contracts could only be awarded to, I think

it was black owned businesses. Maybe it was minority owned is how they phrased it. Minority owned businesses. What these minority owned businesses would do is nothing. They would just take 5% of the profits and be like the front man. And then some other business would do it all behind the scenes.

And they just sort of skimmed it off the top. And I remember it. I'd be like, man, we buy a lot of stuff from this company. And they're like, yeah, they don't do anything. They just add 5%. They're the tiny Sopranos of the operation. I've seen this firsthand of special black-owned business, small business loans and things where it's like,

all right, well, I'm talking to my black friend, and he applied for the loan, and he owns 51% of the business, and I run it. This sounds like the HUD scam that Tony Soprano did where they have the black doctor apply for the loan to buy the low income housing. And you get like the government loan because you're turning low income housing into minority neighborhood like housing. And then you default on the loans after you've gutted the houses and they just all chop up the money.

This sounds a lot like that. So I don't want to do anything mob related. But yeah, if anybody wants a legitimate business that involves someone who's done hard time for marijuana crimes, yeah, I would absolutely jump on board with you. As long as it's legal. Kyle will do nothing except skim profits. I will do absolutely nothing except for skim profits and be there to sign paperwork. Yeah. Perfect.

After you fax it to my real home in another state. Yeah, guaranteed turnaround time less than three weeks i mean instantaneous i get i get i get on the ball you fax me something you're getting it right fuck back i don't i don't like people who take a long time to reply to emails i'll say this about my probation officer fucking professional i love that dude when when when i wanted to go gambling at the casino, I typed this email and I was like, hey, it seems like a dumb question. Can I go gamble in another state for a few days, even though I'm on probation? It was 90 seconds later when I got the reply. Absolutely. Which casino? Where will you be staying? And I'm just like, Harris Cherokee Casino, Cherokee, North Carolina. I'm staying at the resort. I got a suite.

Have fun. It's just like, perfect. I love that. He's clearly getting them on his phone, just like anybody who's a goddamn professional should. I get my emails on my phone and you get replied back to them within seconds. You send a whatsapp a text anything you get a fucking response i was good that way if he's awake he replies i insta resp i although oddly sometimes he's asleep when people would be awake yeah you can't count on me to be awake at noon all right but if i'm awake but but hey if it's 4 a.m and you've got a question you're probably gonna get an answer answer. This is 100% true. Yeah, you're very responsive.

But sometimes those 3 p.m. messages, out like a light. Oh, yeah. Get nothing from me. I value heavily a place that has blue skies, like sunshine. That's one of the things I look at. I like you look at taxes and, you know, someone else might be looking at school systems or whatever, but blue skies means a lot to me. Yeah.

If I could find a place that was like 30 days of night, that vampire movie, like if I could go to like Juneau, Alaska or something where there's like three months of darkness a year, I'd pick that. Honestly, Alaska's on the list. I'm going to look into what kind of fucking internet Alaska has.aska's on the list i'm gonna look into what kind of internet alaska has oh they're on the list now okay it's like 90 percent men though isn't it

alaska yeah okay alaska's off the list but yeah i do like it dark i do like it dark um like like every room in my house that i spend any significant amount of time in, it has blackout curtains. There's blackout curtains there. There's blackout curtains in my bedroom. I like waking up and not knowing if it's noon or midnight. I love it. I love it. That is part of my recipe for depression. Like if you wanted to get me depressed, part of it would be keeping me in blacked out rooms.

I'm playing this game on hard mode, Woody. Okay. Okay. I want depression to try to creep into my life on a daily basis bring it so that i can stomp it out and just and that's my little victory every day just getting out of bed and we get that done by 4 p.m to feel accomplished i make it out of bed we're we did it again we did it again boys that's like a little hobby that you have with yourself making

yourself depressed draining your serotonin yeah just like just like the hobby i have where i tie nooses and hang them in my house occasionally i love that i think of it as arts and crafts uh i guess i could be perceived as some sort of weird racist joke it's not that was supposed to be a suicide joke oh yeah i took it as suicide you know who's looking hot lately he's looking good linda gates i never realized how good looking this woman was until she got single looking like she's looking like 30 40 billion she's looking like a snack in my opinion yeah so i guess they didn't give any dirt. They're being classy about it.

But they've been married. She and Bill Gates have been married for 27 years. And they did a statement. After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we've made the decision to end our marriage. And that's about as good as it gets. So what happens to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation? Do they just keep partnering on that?

I bet they keep partnering on it. It seems like the sort of thing that they would just keep, keep going. Um, because it does seem like clearly they're not trying to make money. I don't think it seems like they're just trying to do good. They seem like good doers, do gooders,

do gooders. That's the word. Why don't they say good doers? gooders do gooders that's the word why don't they say good doers that's better who's microchip yeah i'd rather be a good doer than a do-gooder i agree i'm you know i never thought about it but i'm on team um speaking of good doers i want to watch that i'm gonna i'm gonna start on that animated show you've been trying to get me to watch tonight the invincible thing on amazon i put it on my watch list it's it's queued up in there in the other room i'm gonna check that out this is a non-spoiler but they do something stylistically that i think is cool uh so the guy's name is

invincible and in the intro it's just a short little flash screen that says invincible on it and they work invincible into a second into a sentence i meant to say so you know you're watching the show and a various amount of time can go in like it it might be 90 seconds into the show it might be nine minutes into the show and then they hit you with the title they're like yeah you know like this fucking tortoise on the ground is and then then bam, the invincible title screen hits you. And I'm like, you fuckers got style. I like what you're doing here. You know what I miss?

And it seems like it's been so long that it's not even a thing anymore, is One Punch Man. Yeah. It's been so long. So what happened, as far as I know, is they switched animation studios last year, and it was clearly worse animation. But I was still like, all right, I do like this.

And if I remember correctly, that shit, and I don't mean last year. I mean like two years ago maybe. But it ended on this cliffhanger where he was about to go fight another big bad. And it seems like it's been two and a half years since I've been waiting on him to go do this thing i'm about to like start reading the is it manga is is that what it's called like they've got so many fucking different japanese names for different kinds of fucking animated comic books why can't they just all call them all comic books whether it's porn or whatever yeah i was uh i think i read i broke down and read the uh plot synopses for the next season uh yeah i'm tempted yeah uh in that second season the fight at the the monster fight at the

like whatever that wrestling thing was do you remember that it seemed to last for like six episodes and i kind of got a little bored and just started to read ahead, but it does seem like it's been forever. It's been for, it was incredible. Like they need to get on their shit. Like, like in America, like money fucking takes over.

And whenever you've got some like animators who are dragging ass, they're like, look, what size check do we need to write you so that we get a fucking season of this every year. But that's what they did to like fucking Dan Harmon so that we get like Rick and Morty every year now. And it's happening. Like Rick and Morty is coming out next month,

and the season after that will be coming out next June. Do you know how much it paid him to get that going? It's a massive deal. It was like a $100 million plus deal that involves many seasons of Rick and Morty. I mean,ick and morty is a good show but a hundred million dollars good no let me see exactly what it was i mean it must be way more popular than we even realize yeah for a hundred million dollar deal god that's so

awesome i wish i had a hundred million dollars they renewed 70 episodes uh back in 2018 i'm trying to find like the size of the people um if it's not public whatever that's just way more than i would have guessed for rick and morty is it through hulu now no they're not their show so opposites is through hulu now? No, their show is so opposite to Hulu. That show is on Cartoon Network. Are they doing this thing where they move popular shows around to all the subscription networks so you have to move your subscription? Like South Park I used to get on Hulu,

but then now it's HBO Max, so I got to move over there. Is that the scam with these guys? I don't know how to do it it but they do that like net or literally seinfeld was on netflix like five years ago and then it was on hulu and then and then they put it back on hulu and then they took it off again and now it's back on hulu again and i think like they initially removed seinfeld from hulu they saw way more cancellations than they thought they would, and so they put

them back on there. But like, the deal to get Seinfeld on Hulu was some outrageous sum of money. Like, Friends and Seinfeld, the IP there is worth so fucking much. Maybe Friends is even bigger. I don't know. Maybe Friends is the deal I'm thinking of. What are you at the look in your eye like?

Seinfeld's big too. I remember Jerry Seinfeld became nearly a billionaire. I thinkin roland gets like four million an episode and they've agreed to 70 more episodes it's something like that i looked up one punch man so there was a four-year gap between seasons one and two and it was because they changed production studios yeah uh season three isn't coming out until 2022 or three. So it's not even this year and it's, and, um, it's seems to be because they're going to change productions again because

people didn't like the animation. It was bad. It was noticeably worse and like affected the show. Um, like, like, and, and like the internet's so weird about that show.

Like, I see so many people who like fantasize about fucking that little green girl and it's like she's like a green-haired super strong like she's like the second strongest hero or something like that i don't know i don't even remember everybody's names it's been so long since the show's been like relevant and in my little sphere of influence or whatever how old is this green girl supposed to be is she like a thousand i think? I think she has green hair. Yeah, she has green hair.

This is probably her. And she like flies. Yeah, she got thin. The animation was so bad. Yeah, I see lots of nude drawings of her. She looks 12 years old in the pictures I'm looking at. Not in the pictures I've seen. She is well developed.

Well, I don't know because there's clearly different artists here. This one she looks like a young girl. This person's iteration looks like an adult woman with enormous breasts. Did you look her up on Bing, Taylor? In fairness, now that I'm scrolling down the images, most of these seem to be an adult woman with big

boobs. Now, what do kids do? Yeah, she's a child whose superhero is enormous tits. Well, but in this one, the big-titted lady is talking to... Oh, no, wait. A purple-haired woman with big tits is talking to the green-haired woman. Yeah, her sister is also a superhero, if I remember

correctly, and they're both hot. She's all different ages. Have you ever seen it? I watched one episode when you recommended it like four years ago, and I got to the point where he fought the lobster monster, and I got past that, and I was like, I don't think this is my jam. It gets infinitely better after the lobster monster. That's how he gets his powers.

Yeah, I watched part of the pilot, and then I... I love his workout program. Well, I thought the workout program was... The funniest part I enjoyed was where he's like 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, run 10 miles. Five kilometers a day. No air conditioning or whatever. It's just 5K. They keep asking him because he's in a world where superheroes exist, and they have this very specific ranking system for them.

And there are like Superman level characters in here. And then there's him. And he's so overpowered that like no one can even comprehend it, but occasionally someone will, they'll be like, they'll actually see him do something. They'll see him like lift a planet or like punch a building down or like, or just take out the biggest,

baddest monster, like with a thump. And they're just like, dude, just tell me. Please tell me your secret. He's like, all right, I'll tell you. But it's hard. You're not going to want to do it. I'll do anything.

I'll sell my soul. I'll murder my family. I'll eat babies all day and all night. All right, I'll tell you i do a hundred push-ups a day a hundred sit-ups a day and i run five kilometers a day and and no air conditioning in the summer and no heat in the winter and they're like that's not even a very strenuous physical workout program. That's like medium level. That's what every college athlete would laugh at that.

Like any real athlete would laugh at that. All of us could do that. It's nonsense. Kyle, what I do like, I'll give this show a chance. I was more shitting on it because I can tell you guys liked it, but what's fun and what would be a cool YouTube series and I've seen it done before is people who go on that program and do a, do a 30 day before and after. And it's very effective at like trimming somebody down because running 5k a day is the hard part. That's the part that would break me down. I feel like if I did a hundred pushups and

sit-ups every day at the end of the 30 days, I'd be better at it. But I ran a mile a day for a month, and parts of me got better at it, but parts of me just degraded. Can I do it on an elliptical to keep my knees safe? That was the part that degraded. I have one bone in particular with plates and screws in it. I don't feel it all the time,

but when i pounded on it every day i'm like yeah yeah i'm very aware of my tibia or fibia it's one of those yeah i got my dad on the elliptical um i got he's uh he's lost uh 37 pounds i think nice that's huge and uh he's looking to lose i think 20 more and uh and uh the pandemic was just he's like i just didn't do anything i was getting too much weight so he's uh he's been losing weight and uh and uh the pandemic was just he's like i just didn't do anything i just gained too much weight so he's uh he's been losing weight and uh and i got him on the uh the ellipticals he's been he's i think he's starting like today with the elliptical part of things i have a theory oh i almost forgot he's got a he told me a great date story the other day go over i think

you had a thing it was real quick on the pandemic weight gain i think it's partly not doing anything but mostly living next to the pantry people are just and not seeing doors more like there's no one to judge you oh that could be too that could be but for me like if i spent all my time in the living room which is just next to our pantry that's a recipe for gaining weight yeah yeah um he so uh we were talking about tinder and you know bumble and all the various dating sites the other day and he's like a match with this lady the other day you know how it is she had those pictures that were from the shoulder up and i don't know how many times i'm gonna bite that hook and get reeled in.

Did you encounter this girl in real life? Yeah. So, you know, we go and we meet and she gets out of her car and she slides into mine. I look and, Kyle, have you ever seen Hellboy? And I'm like, yeah, I've seen Hellboy. He's like, you know how he's got that one arm that's just enormous? And then, I mean, he's a big man all the way around, but the one arm is just cartoonishly big. He's like, well, this woman had a Hellboy arm. One of her arms was so swollen with fat that it just ballooned down to the wrist.

And when the wrist met the arm, it looked like you wrapped a rubber band around it three times over. And there was a crease. And the hand was inflated like you'd blown up a rubber glove. And the arm looked like if you poked it with a needle, it would pop. Was the other arm normal, though? The other arm was normal, though. How bizarre. As normal as a big fat woman's arm can be, that is.

But then she had that big hellboy arm that she just slapped on my center console, and I was trying to stay away from it. Now, jack me off with the other hand. I was like, well, what kind of date had you planned? He's like, well, we were just going to, we never met before. So we were just going to run some errands. No, I was trying to take a dicker. I was trying to take a dicker.

Like they were going to run some errands and like, and then go get some dinner and then go from there. So he was like, well, like I was running, I was like, Hey, I'm going to go to Home Depot this afternoon that it's near where you live. You could accompany me there. I'm buying flowers for my garden. We could go back to my house. We could plant some flowers and do a little gardening and then we'll have some dinner.

That was kind of the evening's plan. He's like, Kyle, she got out of my car, my truck, and she could barely walk. She was shuffling. She was shuffling into the Home Depot. He's like, I took about five steps and i said you know what i changed my mind i don't think i want those flowers after all let's uh let's just go get something to eat he's like so i took her to harvey's i got her you couldn't even take her to a good fast food place no i'm gonna go the other direction harvey's this is a golden corral

woman this is a buffet chick he has here he didn't recognize what he had down if you take her to golden corral she can eat while you drive her back to your car if you take her to arby's it's i'm just trying i'm a people pleaser kyle no i put the pieces together it's just like i would feel almost too i would feel so bad like so because she knows the score she knows what's up she knows her way around a golden corral all you can eat buffet she posted the misleading photos that entrapped him in that scenario so for that reason i i decree that he is blameless well he got her a big beef and cheddar took her back to her car and he called it it a day. And Woody has linked a picture here of what Hellboy Arm Syndrome looks

like. That's the medical name for it. What is this called? It's called Hellboy Arm Syndrome. She has lymphedema. I instantly knew what she had when Kyle described the symptom. Yeah, that's what Boogie had in his leg.

But Boogie was symmetrical with his lymphedema, I think. Yeah, that's what Boogie had in his leg. But Boogie was symmetrical with his lymphedema, I think. He had it everywhere. Yes, at least both legs. He was eat up with it. That's a sudden way of saying you got it everywhere. How does this, oh I know. How does this happen

to a thin person? I don't get it. Oh, she was not a thin person. No. This inflicts mostly fat people. There are some people online that don't look super fat. This graphic is misleading because that looks like a normal thin woman. This is drawn. Do you not watch My 600-lb Life every day?

Oh, I watch it intermittently, and it's great. I also enjoy the show thousand pound sisters because it's actually a conservative estimate of their weight if they were being accurate it'd be like the 1300 pound sisters and and the one that weighs 800 pounds is so jealous of that svelte 551 that it's hilarious where she's like and christy's ever since we were kids she was always the one getting getting attention from the boys and i never liked that and it's hilarious where she's like and Christy ever since we were kids she was always the one getting attention from the boys and I never liked that and it's like that's the one who's so

overweight that there is a shelf on her forehead that has come out that's the Neanderthal it's the Neanderthal forehead it's not stiff bone it's fat it's like you could press into it and you could write your name in cursive on her

forehead and it would stick for a few seconds sometimes people get this who are thin uh it can be a side effect of cancer treatment and it damages their lymphatic system so they don't drain properly so i guess some people are unfairly stricken with this and some get it as a punishment for eating too much. Yeah. God sends it as a malady for one of the seven deadly sins, gluttony. That sounds science-y. Yeah, it sounds like it's not science-y. Because I invoked God, right?

Kyle, does your dad have a plan now for if a woman gets out of her car and the shocks, like, sigh or say, Hallelujah, does he just pedal it? Like, don't turn the engine on. He's a lot nicer than me. I'll burn rubber. I just remembered I'm gay. He needs a car with the Dodge trucks. You can get the air suspension.

How fucking funny would it be if he pumped it up when she said it? You hear the air compressor kick on come on climb up there what's the problem i'm out of here i left my stepladder at home i like your way more mine was as a reaction to her making the suspension sag oh god oh okay beef it up a little bit yeah hey have you seen the video of that guy um the failed heist video where that dude is driving that van yes like he's like he's out of fucking fast and furious he looks like a driving instructor from high school he looks super nerdy he looks like a sniper alongside him too oh i saw this yeah he's just like and you and you see so

it's this like yeah the the skinny white guy is like doing the driving. And then there's this like black soldier next to him. And it is so funny to watch that guy's face because he is not down or not trained for whatever is happening. And this other guy is. And at one point, the guy in the passenger seat like tries to hand the driver his gun. And the driver's like tries to hand the driver his gun and the driver's like i know i can't the black the black guy gets out his handgun and the white guy's like no no no get the ar-15 like hands up a big gun and he's like all right all right ben and he's just like

he's fast and if you're using it and they like try to like make a roadblock and he and they get out with guns he drives straight through them. They have to dive out of the way. He's totally willing to run these people down on the interstate. I love that man. I would love to talk to him. What a badass. Did you gather what country it was?

It looks like Mexico to me. I interpreted it as farther south but I'm not sure. I'm trying to find the video of it. I don't know. Oh, I've got it right here. But it's really neat. You can't really tell because you can't see the surrounding area where he's turned. Oh, is there a camera on the front of his car also? Yeah. You get both angles here.

Oh, I've only seen the version that showed the front camera. I'm sure we can't watch this. Yeah, I'm going to watch it on my own it's only 45 seconds that's right yeah it's actually on uh i know these guys this is a funker uh funker 530 um these guys have filmed for me before um they've been to my house uh real nice guys they're from canada and uh and they do a lot of this like combat and veteran footage uh youtube stuff i don't know how they monetize it what country are they in as this is happening this is the oh shit i just saw the part kyle was talking about he aimed for them

there there's like a roadblock and two lanes are open and he swerves towards the bad guys to run them down with his truck yeah and he's just like oh really road blocking me eh have some of this boys and he tries to run them down it's great yeah he's clearly very well trained in the black guy looks so scared yeah the black guy is like day one and then he like hits the ranger on purpose clearly as it tries to come by him. I don't know what he's got in that truck that's so valuable to him. Is it cash? Someone's trying to rob them.

That's what I thought, but I didn't know what he had. Are they in a Brinks truck kind of thing? I think I thought so. That's my guess. How much money do they have in those Brinks trucks? How much do you think on that? A couple hundred thousand? A couple hundred thousand, I would guess.

Is it in places? It depends what day it is and what they're up to that day. They could be fulfilling a special order. Maybe a bank is like, oh, we need a half a million dollars cash to do this transaction we're doing. It's added to the regular thing where they they're they're stopping by bank after bank after bank picking up deposits and if you get them at the end of the route like maybe they've got close to a million dollars cash in there i don't know i don't know how it like people put weight i don't think we're supposed to know in their like safety deposit

boxes so if they're moving like that content around it could be jewels and things well they need cash to do stimulus. How do you rob a Brinks truck? Do people ever get away with robbing a Brinks truck? You would think you'd see that on the news occasionally. I think that stuff happens, and they don't put it on the news on purpose. Do you think I made my money at a Minecraft website?

It's fucking gross. There's about three rusted out Brinks trucks. It's like, I hope they buy this Minecraft shit. Why did you build your house in Nazi gold? They've got Woody in an interrogation room with bright lights on him. How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?

I don't know! I don't know! I think you give him apples. I think you give him apples. I think you give them apples. Yeah, you'd be fucked. You couldn't say anything. Slapping you with a phone book. A bag of oranges.

Fucking you up. I mean, like, I've seen the people. I assume the Brinks truck, and I say Brinks because that's the brand, the company that comes to mind, but I imagine those trucks have to be doing all the heavy lifting with technology because i've seen the individuals carrying the bags of money out and it's like that's just that's a blimpy employee you know like yeah you know they or at least a couple i've seen that did not look like the kind of people

you'd be afraid to rob have you ever seen seen The Town? Yeah, with Ben Affleck and Hawkeye. Yeah, The Town's a very good movie. It's a great movie. It's about some guys who rob rink trucks. Yeah, it's a great movie. Is that the one where they wear the nun masks? Yeah, something like that.

I think they wear different masks. I like that movie so much that I didn't even mind that Ben Affleck was in it. He's good in it. I think Ben affleck's a good actor when he wants to be like he can turn it on i mean the way he i just remember like him actively taking me out of goodwill hunting when i saw it for the first time because he was that's that's one of his better roles in my opinion i didn't think he was good i thought matt damon and and robin williams they they elevated so in the show and yeah every time matt damon and and wasin williams they they elevated so in the show and yeah every time matt damon and was around ben affleck it was like all right get back to the matt damon story

and then and then in casey affleck's in it too like they get the whole crew in there casey affleck is it oh yeah i didn't recognize him now that you say it yeah casey is the better actor i can't picture his face he's young Ben Affleck's face He's one of the boys in the crew He helps fix up that shit Box car for Matt Damon at the end Brinks robbery Movie called Groundhog's Day

You guys know He just walks up, grabs the money, and turns around and walks away because he knows the timing. That's how to do it. Yeah. You just have to... That's how you do it. That's how you fucking do it.

You just be like, no, Murray. He just did his superpower where you have to live the same day. An infinite time loop type scenario. Have you guys ever seen the deleted scenes from Groundhog's Day? With all the suicides? Yeah, the suicides in the pool game.

What is it? It gets a little dark. It's definitely darker. But they're worth watching. But wow, they would have made the movie crappy. The thing is, Bill Murray gets wet. So you

if you had to guess taylor how long do you think bill murray was in that loop uh based on what's on screen 12 000 days 12 000 days i'm saying that because i saw some bullshit like behind the scenes thing where it was way more time than is it all realistic. I want to play Kyle's game. If you take away the skills he developed, based on the screen, it seems like

28 days or something like that. A real short amount of time. He mastered the piano, if I recall. He may have become a magician. The chainsaw ice sculpting the chainsaw ice skull wrench i forgot that french poetry even like like not even just french but he had memorized all that french poetry that he just like rambles off to her if you if you look into that stuff and there's this implication that it was years and years of training so shitty but even then it seems like six years it comes to almost 34 years oh what's the total

number of days it's i believe it's exactly what you said it's 12 395 days damn the things you remember i don't remember some of my great aunt's names. How did they calculate that? Couldn't you have done two things in a day, piano and French? It was the same kind of way they calculate fantasy things, where it's like, how hot is a lightsaber? A bajillion degrees. It's just some guy making it up. How long was he in there?

Oh, well, it's more interesting if I goose this. 12,000 days. Yeah. Taylor, there's some real science that goes into those infographics. Don't knock those. You think so? Taylor. That's my actual job, making lightsaber heat infographics.

That's literally the one you're talking about, yeah. Well, the idea was it takes like 10 years to master something. He only plays that one song. So what of he only plays that one song so what if he only learned that one song on the piano and i was like well we're under the impression i was gonna say how do we know he knows french he might know enough french which i could learn in the day he's still a scumbag he just learned enough french for that that one piano just learned how to kidnap someone i wonder how many times he fucked that chick though right if he had 32 years in this loop he must have figured out the sequence to fuck the the brunette yeah oh rita yeah yeah the one that he really liked right he really liked this

girl she's down here in georgia and he learned a couple things about her remember yeah i always thought she was cool he's probably trying different sex moves in bed like jerry seinfeld sex move you know he raped her at least once i mean 12 000 isn't the whole thing scam to have sex with her like that's that is testing the limits of consent the whole thing is to like is to improve himself right like like like to make him to better himself and right? To better himself. And that's why at the end he breaks out of it, because he becomes a better person.

Not just because he can ice sculpt, speak French, play the piano, and he does all those good deeds. But yeah, at least 10 years is what it would take, right? To just do most of that stuff. Because we're under the impression that he didn't just memorize a French poem. He learned French and

then mastered French poetry is what you have to assume there. He didn't just learn to chainsaw sculpt that one thing. He mastered chainsaw sculpting. He did all of those things um

no it i don't know it on one hand clearly i i think it would play out exactly the way it plays out in the movie at first it's incredible fun it's just like limitless fun of gorging on everything and doing whatever you want and then after a year it's just suicide attempt after suicide attempt after suicide attempt like like he literally kills himself like hundreds and hundreds of times or something like all sorts of ways i mean i definitely like the first few days you spend time like big heists and like figuring out exactly what he did how to rob a bank that would be a ton of fun like i've said before like you know those like thought processes and things you walk through in your mind when you're trying to fall asleep or like bored or like those fantasy thoughts for me for many years it's been how would i rob a bank and i still it's just an interesting

thing to think about i imagine like robbing a bank and how would you rob a bank oh i mean it would never go well you go first all the plans that you take are like you you are you immediately come up against like the amount of technology they have now in banks like it's not like lemon juice on your face makes you invisible you know what actually what actually makes you invisible um you, my eyes! Do you know what actually makes you invisible? You can make those LED-like glasses that

completely spoof fucking security cameras. Have you seen those in action? I have not. I have. I saw a guy make them for like $12 and he shows what you look like on security cameras and your face glows bright white. They completely nullify security cameras. It's just a normal looking pair of glasses as you're walking around yeah okay i

don't think it's is it ir later led i don't remember exactly what it was i just i saw a reddit post i clicked it i i watched him make them and then i saw what it looked like when he was on camera but here's how i would rob a bank um obviously we want to wear a mask right but the problem now the problem the problem is you walk into a bank wearing a mask someone's gonna call the fucking police because they just saw someone walk into the bank wearing a mask yeah except for one day of the year which is halloween you see a guy walk into the bank with a bag and a mask on any day except for October 31st. You get scared. No, nobody's walking into the bank with a mask and a bag on the 31st.

That's outrageous. We did it all the time as kids. We went to the bank to trick-or-treat. First of all, the bag, pumpkin bag. What kind of community were you going to the bank to trick-or-treat? We went everywhere. Every local business participates in trick-or-treating it's a small town no you wear you don't just wear like a fucking like hockey mask or like a ski mask you put a costume on when you go into the bank to rob

it and you bring your like like people with you who are also robbing it and you all walk in with with those pumpkin yeah whatever you're gonna dress you dress like grimace walk in as batman it doesn't matter you know we're in a pandemic why don't you just wear a mask for covid and wear sunglasses see this is that's helpful these days yeah right like that's that that's that's a new thing though honestly there should be like a spree of bank robberies with the mask on. Dude, I could see myself going to the bank and bump- Oh no, he bumped his mic and he turned off. Yeah, you're muted. He turned off.

He headbutted his fucking audio setup into non-existent. I could see myself and then blundering into the mic. Alright, alright. That was part of the bit, but yeah anyway, you'd fog up your glasses and wouldn't be able to see anything while you rob the bank but other than that it's a good plan yeah what was your next step kyle so you're wearing a mask you got a bag it's halloween you're the only one in there with the mask in a bag because let's pretend you're in not the town you grew up in you're in you're in a i go in dressed as like batman or something like a full-on like high quality costume or like the joker like i did for halloween a couple years ago like let's wear a costume

once you get up to the teller or is that you go to the teller and what do you say what's your your thing um i think you'd need to do a little research because there's only about a hundred thousand dollars behind the counter of like a federal bank And you really want to like be able to get into like the vault So like you'd need to know something about that You'd need to know that someone was coming in and the vault was going to be open Which is like beyond my bank robbing expertise But if you just want to get out of there with $70,000 to $110,000

You could just rob the tellers there by passing them a note. Seems like what you should do then is like, wait for the bank manager to leave, discern his schedule over time, learn where he lives. So you can like drop some threats when you're back there. And then you could, can the bank manager even get into the vault?

Yeah. It's on a time. It's on a timer in a lot of places. So like, like what you could do, I mean, if you, I mean, if it's going to be a fucking criminal, then you could go to the bank manager's house the night before. Yeah, that's the scenario. We're criminals.

We're robbing a bank. And we do it way more than the night before. We figure out his schedule. We figure out his – I mean, as someone who's done a little time, I feel like you want to minimize the danger as much the potential years as many as possible. So when you add kidnapping and home invasion and

armed robbery to the mix, you're really spending the rest of your life in prison. Whereas the bank robbery, you can get down to like 17, 18 years. You'll be out eventually. But when you start adding assault weapons, kidnapping, and all that other stuff,

now you're just never going back home. So you wouldn't bring a gun? I wouldn't bring a gun. Not a real one. So what would you do to threat? Oh, you'd bring a fake gun? Yeah, a fake gun. Okay.

And what would the verbiage be? Give me the fucking money. No, you wouldn't want to say anything. You'd want to pass a note. You'd want to draw as little attention as possible. Circle yes or no. Do you want to go out with me? You passed that one first. one first establish you're insane and willing to do anything and then then fire the second um i i don't know i don't even know if i want to go any farther without the

scenario and explaining how to rob a bank but my thing was always that like halloween would be a perfect time because of masks and bags um because you could walk right in with a mask in a bag and then when you left especially if you're in like a city you'd walk right in with a mask and a bag and then when you left especially if you were in like a city you'd blend right in with crowds of people also in masks and bags change your costume yeah you could just change the costume yeah he was

dressed as fucking Christian Bale Batman and meanwhile you're switching into fucking what if you had like a nun costume you had like a nun costume and then like you can pull that right off and you're something completely different underneath. I like Taylor's idea of switching to Michael Keaton

Batman afterwards. It's Michael Keaton. He can't turn his head. It's the Michael Keaton Batman. Leave him alone. Yeah, the Adam West suit. He's got the white eyebrows drawn on. Yeah, it Adam West suit. You can see your fucking... The white eyebrows drawn on. Yeah, it's Adam West. Banks have between

50 and 200 grand. So 200 grand would be a big bank to have in cash. I bet that's a lie. I bet it's more than that. Yeah, I've always heard 100 behind the counter. How much is in the vault? Like a million more? I don't think

there's... I just read the headline that said something like, people think there's money in the vault, but there's really not. Oh, that's... I don't believe that article. I mean, it's Wonder Wankopolis, right? There's some guy with a top hat and a monocle writing that. There's lots of money

in the vault. This may surprise bank robbers, but according to FBI data, the average bank robbery yielded only $4,330. What? That reflects how little is kept up front with the tellers. Four grand. You wouldn't have repeated bank robbers if that was the case. You just wouldn't. No, because they only have four grand.

Of course they need to repeat the crime. They just wouldn't risk it again. They would find like... Well, they only have four grand. Of course they need to repeat the crime. They just wouldn't risk it again. They would find like... Well, they got away with it. You'd do so much better with home invasions if you could only get $4,000. Like, you could come into my house... You just said something you shouldn't have.

Yeah, I'm the opposite. You could come into some people's homes and you could make it out of there with $10,000 in just a minute or two, you know? There's nothing useful in my house. You know the most expensive thing in my house I think it's my fucking functional trainer Brother People just down there

You can steal it you can steal it, you can have it. Your guns are pretty valuable and they can be taken out. I'm not going to list your fucking belongings. You know, up on the second floor, third door to the left, there's that room, you know, where the breakaway closet. Not to go down that alley, but you know, what I'm saying is like, there's got to be more than $4,000 in a bank. Yeah, for sure. Unless you're a shitty bank robber who believed them. It was saying $4,000 up front with the tellers. You have to go to the back, I guess, to get more than that.

I don't know. I feel like if I was a bank teller, I would immediately be like, we're in this together, buddy. Come on. I work for the bank. I have went in to like, get like, um, large amounts of cash before I was buying a vehicle one time. And, uh, we were just going to do the transaction in cash. And, uh, I think I got like 18,000 or something like that.

And they did have that have to go like in the back and like bring like a bag of money out to like, get me $18,000. I needed 750 for something. I don't remember what it was not long ago. And, uh, they had it right up there with the tellers. Yeah.

They've got, they've got like that kind of money right there for sure. Cause I like, I've done that plenty of times. Um, but I've, a couple of times I've pulled 10,000 out and they always had to like, go get it. Hmm. it well somewhere in between what's another

fun crime to think about robbing banks is always the one that i go to because it makes the most sense it's like a fun thing to plan because you're robbing bank banks are evil and so it's fun to think about i don't what other ones do you guys i think car heists I think car heists in general like stealing like a really really expensive car is interesting like that Nick Cage movie was good Gone in 60 Seconds the one where they're stealing like a hundred high end cars in one

night or whatever it is would you do it from like a dealership or an individual they were all from individuals because they're like getting these like super rare collectors cars like like one of one hundreds They were all from individuals because they're getting these super rare collector's cars, like one of 100s and one of ones and stuff like that. Oh, it's good. Did he pay off – what are the people called who park your cars? L.A.?

Valets. Yeah, valets. Did he pay off valets to find out where the good cars were? They did a bunch of research. It was one of those movies where they get the team together and Robert Duvall is part of the team. And who was Brad Pitt's wife for a while? Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie. She's part of the team. She's super hot in that movie. And then obviously Nick Cage. And the deal is Nick Cage's brother is in some trouble with some gangsters or something like that. And Nick Cage is like a retired car thief. And they're like, you have to fulfill this deal for us or your brother's dead.

And he's like, that's impossible what you want me to do. He's like, all right, well, your brother's dead then. So he has to like get a whole team of people together to help him steal. It's like 100 cars in 48 hours or something. to help him steal it's like a hundred cars in 48 hours or something and it's everything from like an escalade to like that um that one mustang um shelby it's i think it's a shelby but it's a special shelby gt it's um let me see what it's shelby cobra i'm just naming things i don't know much about yeah yeah it's called uh it's oh eleanor is what he called it it's a customized 71 mustang sports roof redress to 73 that features an independent filmmaker

good god the eleanor name is also used in 2000 remake for a customized it's a shelby mustang gt GT500, like a 71, 72 model, something like that. Not a Cobra? Bullshit. Yeah, it's a sick-looking car. I'll pull up a picture of it. But he drives this thing like a – at the end of the movie, he's being chased by like the entire LAPD and a helicopter, and he's driving this thing like a bat out of hell because he's got to get to the dock and it's a really good scene.

I can't believe you haven't seen that, Taylor. It's a pretty good movie. Nice little heist movie. There's a ton of movies that Kyle has on the list for me that I need to watch and that one doesn't even come, well actually it's TV more than anything. You want me to watch Battlestar Galactica? Oh!

Is that good or not? I can't tell by your face. How long are you going to commit to this education program? It's a nerdery when you're done with that one. How long is Battlestar Galactica? How many seasons was it? I don't know. You really need to watch at least three seasons.

How many are there? Like nine? There might be five. Okay. Oh, the other show. No, Supernatural was the one you want me to watch. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want you to watch that.

I told you that. I watched part of the first season of Supernatural like six months ago or so. I liked it. It was really entertaining. It was good. It kept me engaged. I liked the silliness of the creatures

and how the show's not taking itself seriously at all yeah yeah like supernatural is a good show special effects are hysterical they get better they get better um damn it i was wishing they wouldn't i like of it like all right this show's about dragons so we're gonna make their thumbs glow yeah like they i don't know why they decided to make a dragon episode when they clearly could not afford a dragon like they just make some flapping noises and the guys in the room all of a sudden that literally happens so you never see the full dragon form it's just not even close not even close like i can't i can't explain to you how much they underplayed the dragon aspect of the dragon game Game of Thrones did that.

They eventually had dragons. They teased it. She had dragons in the bird cage. And they're like, let me see the dragons. And she's like, no. Here's the saving buddy on CGI. We already showed them once this episode. CGI is expensive.

But the thing about that show, with Battlestar Galactica, again, I'm a little foggy on this. I haven't watched it recently. But it seems to me that there's like 10 or 15 episodes a season or something. It's not like crazy amounts of episodes. Maybe even the first season is like 10 episodes. It could be. It could be a little off on that.

But Supernatural, I know, is like 20 to 24 episodes a season for like 20 fucking seasons. Like, there's legitimately like four or five hundred episodes of that show. The most supernatural thing about that show is how the protagonists still

look so great. Oh my god. They age very well. Like fine wine. That's the supernatural part of the show. I'm over here aging like fucking heavy cream and they're aging like fine wine.

Like whiskey or I guess not whiskey in a decanter since Dick told me that's actually not a thing. It's kind of fun to watch actors age. You know know ever watch psych uh no oh you guys don't know psych's a fun show it might be a little better if you're older because they make references to stuff from like my childhood but anyway uh the lead actor in it first season very handsome guy fifth season my man's filled out a little bit you know like they

don't even make reference to it but you're like dude that guy he's eating well for the last five years he is not the same he just i don't know if i can find it nothing wrong with eating well no uh psych season one this will just take me a moment. Yeah, but I wouldn't put Supernatural on you because that is just far too much of a commitment. You've got to be retired. Well, Battlestar is the number one thing you've voiced.

Battlestar, yeah. So Battlestar is legit, man. It's like there's nothing bad about it. Like the acting, the special effects are so much better than the budget it's like all right it's not star wars okay it doesn't look like star wars it looks real though somehow it looks like gritty like it looks grounded in a reality that exists like like their space planes look like fighter jets that go into space it's like they when they get out of

them and they're really there it looks like to me like it's like they when they get out of them and they're really there it looks like to me like it looks like they built these props of like space planes vipers they're called and they're really fucking there like like they look real and when they're like in space combat and they like zoom in on the pilot's face and he's like you know doing his thing and doing loop-de-loops it's like that looks real and uh the only things that look bad are the cgi silons when they've got like the the big mechanical silons moving around that can look kind of shitty at times but they don't show that a ton um the space battles look real um they don't use like a lot of like laser blasting type weapons it's like missiles and machine gun

fire in space is not the one where their their ship is so strong that they beat everyone it's the one where their star wars kind of shitty yeah the the deal is that when the trek this is oh trek i start star trek star trek the star trek enterprise is the flagship of the entire Enterprise. It's like the best ship. Oh yeah, he filled out. Wow. Oh. I am the thugs.

I am the thugs. He was so handsome at the start. My man discovered the Italian meat and cheese section. A lot of prosciutto. A lot of gabagool. A lot of prosciutto. A lot of gabagool. A lot of prosciutto. A lot of soppressata.

A lot of matz. A lot of fresh matz. A little bit of fucking ziti. All right, what'd you say, Dick? Did his jokes change from smart, from smug, skinny guy to just fat guy jokes? Now the background music is his tuba sounds when he's walking.

They never really made reference to how his face changed, but it did. And I don't know. I kind of liked it. It humanized him for me. Okay, so another thing about Battlestar Galactica. So the deal is, like, the interesting thing is that, like, so the Cylon, the machine people come back and, like, decimate humankind, right? And the way they do it is with, like, a computer virus.

It's kind of like Terminator 2. with like a computer virus. It's, it's kind of like Terminator two, Heather, that they like their artificial intelligent computer, computer virus goes into all the humans, defense systems and turns them on themselves. And,

uh, and so like everything that's high tech killed itself. Like, like, like, and just like all of the like super high tech defense systems and spaceships all just got the switch flipped on them. So when the Cylons came, they just ran right over everything.

The Battlestar Galactica, it's called the Galactica. A Battlestar is like saying like... It's the biggest ship, right? Yeah, a Battlestar is like a class of ship. So the Battlestar Galactica was on its way to be retired and put literally into a museum. It was going to become its own museum that people could visit to see what battle stars used to look like in the old days. Like they've got like phones that like hang up on the wall to communicate

around. They don't have a networked computer system inside. Like they have computers, but they're, they're not wired. It's not, there's no, there's no network.

It's a really ass backwards kind of technology. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's like, it's defun's no there's no network you really ask backwards kind of technology yeah i mean it's it's like it's defunct technology it's they can go to the space they can go to space and they have like corded phones um what's a military ship like think of it like a submarine it's very much like you can go to the space and yet it is still corded phones why is this they got a guy out back just letting out cable well it's like corded to like it's like the com right if he wants to like talk over the intercom everybody man yeah the com he grabs like a uh you know a phone piece off the wall and so so it's unaffected by that whole like computer attack and so they're like the last ship standing and that's that's kind of a big part of the show. It's a big premise of the show.

This old defunct technology is all that still works. And what services is Battlestar Galactica on? Is it for free somewhere? I don't know. Not for free, but I have Hulu, Netflix, Prime. I have all the streaming things. I only have

Disney Plus because they have all the Simpsons. And so once they get rid of the Simpsons I'm getting rid of Disney Plus see they always have some and then they'll send it to HBO Go or something like that I got bad news what is it I'm not buying it well I guess you won't be watching

then because it's on Peacock buddy it's on Peacock how much is it it's free on Peacock I don't know what Peacock is Peacock's NBC so it's free on Peacock. I don't know what Peacock is. Peacock's NBC. Oh, so it's free if I buy a new NBC streaming service. How much is the NBC streaming service? I don't know what I pay, but I wanted The Office, man.

I can't live my life with no Office in it, so I got Peacock. I think basic bitch version is like $4 a month, like super cheap, but then the Office version is like $8 or $9. I don't really know. I don't need the Office. I've got to introduce you guys to my guy. Who's your guy? I've got to introduce you guys to my guy.

He's called a probation officer. I pay for my content. Look. I do too. I pay for a lot. But at some point, I feel like i don't want to pay anymore look i don't want to pay any more either and in whatever it is 148 days and one hour and 13 minutes or whatever it is we'll stop paying but for now i'm gonna pay yet talk to woody and his guy and i'm

sure he'll have battlestar galactica to you for free in like eight minutes so So we got the off. He has a system to request movies that haven't come out yet. And I've tested it twice. He's very responsive. Who the hell is this wizard? He's not the one who almost died in the forest. They call him the wizard. So Battlestar Galactica.

Dude, he watches the show. And if we mention stuff that like, he already has Battlestar Galactica but if we mention stuff he'll be like oh shit we're gonna need this a what server? Plex

I don't know what that means you need a short education the world is about to the scales are about to be removed from your eyes like a like a biblical prophet is that just a bunch of free media it's it's a it's an interface to like you're gonna walk through that fucking uh cupboard into narnia and on the other side is all of the entertainment you've ever even fucking heard taylor think of a service that is like peacock netflix hbo max showtime and all the media ever disney plus

combined but free oh man i get it easily searchable it's indexed and searchable like you just go like hey i'd like to watch Battlestar Galactica boom there it is but at the same time I'd like to watch Bad Batch that new Disney Plus show boom right there same place I'm just going to do Captain America and Winter Soldier and see if it's there

it's like regular well here's the movie part it's like Pornhub but regular you know what I could use regular hub well here's the movie part oh it's like porn hub but regular you know what i could use regular hub yeah but i also don't have that deep of a of a media diet honestly like i don't watch too much king of the hill god damn it you gotta you gotta you're like that that guy who only eats you're like one of those kids that only eats fucking like fucking one food or something like that it's not that i'm just watching. You're eating pizza pockets

and you're eight years old and it's time to expand your horizons to some lasagna or something. I like watching over and over. I like the first 10 to 12 seasons of The Simpsons. I like King of the Hill. I like the first probably about 10, 12 seasons of Family Guy.

It's Always Sunny. Seinfeld. What else? Oh, I i love like dick said i like those shows like 600 pound life and thousand pound sisters those are if you've never watched thousand pound sisters it is it is so fucking funny it is it's it's it's genuinely funny dick knows like they're some of the the fat bitches jokes are actually really good. I can't watch it. It's too gross for me. It's like that one girl has fat rolls on her head,

on her forehead, and it's actually kind of nasty to look at. I can't do it. Yeah, but you need to watch it so you can see her getting shot. And then bad stuff happens to her. It's hilarious. I pay my bills. Sometimes good things happen to her. But then also, like, they have the standard.

How many seasons of Thousand Pound Sisters are there? There can't possibly be more than three. He has two of them. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, I was saying there couldn't be more than three because, you know, nature's going to take its course at some point. I guarantee you this. There won't be five.

Oh, there won't be. That it won't be that's a four season show max one one will croak and they'll replace her with two more fatter sisters fat dwarves total when it's all said and done to like 10 000 pounds the the best thing about my 600 pound life is the iranian doctor who does not give a fuck about anybody's feelings like like someone will walk in and they'll be like here's christy and she weighed 650 pounds last tuesday or a month ago and then she goes in she's like well i lost six pounds that's pretty good news isn't it and then he'll walk in and be like christy you're not losing any weight you have lost six pounds in the last month. That is unacceptable.

I don't think you understand. You are dying. You're going to die in the next. If you were to die in the next month, I would not be surprised. I dream of talking to women the way that guy talks to women. Like, no, you're really are so fat. It's because you eat too much you're addicted to food and you're not serious about it and they're like i am serious i am serious i i drove

all the way here from dallas that's what you know i love it i got in a minivan my boyfriend forklifted me into a minivan i'm serious you're not serious because you keep eating and you are enabling it and i'm done with you i I'm done with you. Every time. He's like a borderline Gordon Ramsay fat people. No emotion. He shuts it down. You could have easily lost 30 pounds this month, and you lost six. And you lost six pounds.

Do you think this is going to get you on the right track? No, it is not. You are dying. And he says stuff like that. And like and just like dick said they have histrionic freakouts or the family sitting next to them will be like well i'm uh and then like their 350 pound dad looks svelte next to them like yeah so you get all the food and well yeah i get all the food for the family i gotta feed the It's like, so do you realize what you're doing is killing your daughter? You, every time you go and buy KFC, you're killing her. It's like, well, I just see it as providing food for, I love her. So, well, I don't care what you say. You are killing

her. And if you do not get back in shape, you are gone. There are many more, and he talks like slow like that. There are many more people here talks like slow like that there are many more people here who will work for it i will not waste my time on you if you are going to come in here and lie to me about how much you've been eating because and because they'll say that they'll be like you've lost 10 pounds you went from 720 to 710 they're like oh he like, this is and you tell me you abide by the diet. Yeah, yeah, I've been by the diet. I've been doing it. You are lying to my face.

You're lying to my face on this because you would have lost thirty nine pounds if you had abided by the diet. It's like that's well, it's held in water weight. Now, this is math. I have done it. You would have lost 40 pounds had you stuck to the diet. You are lying to me. And if you lie to me again. I love that. He is hilarious.

How long had they been dieting to lose 10 pounds? Oh, sometimes. Their whole lives. Sometimes it will be 10 pounds. Their whole lives. That's funny. That's a great line they'll take like a whole cauldron of food off the stove and bring it over and every episode

has I'm sure it's contractually obligated but they all have a shower scene where they're in their fucking and they're not like they don't have any resources so they're in like one of those shitty apartment fiberglass showers using a fucking using a hockey stick with a rag tape to it through their folds oh it's so nasty you guys are all talking about how disgusting it is it's just making me hungry i'm so hungry right now i have 835 calories left below my bmr and it's 10 30 at night i have food coming

to me after the show that's what these ladies are not concerned at all with how many calories because you do the math on it and it and like first of all like the like the 2 000 pound sisters or the 600 pound people 600 pound life is honestly a really conservative estimate for that show most of them are well over 600 pounds but even like the thousand pound sisters it shows them in their home and each of them at any given time have like a a personal two liter of soda and like you'll see in different scenes that the soda was here and now it's up here again so a new a new two liter has been cracked to facilitate the canner of soda so nobody's counting i gotta go it was a hell of i love hanging out with you guys um thanks so much

always enjoy it all right later man later later later everybody go check out the dick show dick dot show great guy very funny lots of people talking about him great guy very funny guy he's super he's wrong about me being disgusting and fat I don't care for that alright I saw what you linked here, Woody.

So, I think that this 200... So, basically, Kyle, to catch you up to the NHL thing, the Tom Wilson scenario where he acted like an asshole and intentionally tried to ruin people's careers and hurt them, he got no suspension for that. We were talking

about what we thought might happen on Tuesday. Zero suspension. Keep in mind that the NH we thought might happen on tuesday zero suspension keep in mind that the nhl does this based on history and he has five prior suspension yeah i feel like we haven't laid this out for people who didn't see pkn tom wilson is a player for the rangers and he got into a fight oh the capitals my mistake he was playing against the rangers and uh he got into a fight kind of with two people. One guy, as the guy was sort of falling forward, he put his chest on that person's back and sort of rammed his face into the ground. And then another guy did help me out. Taylor, what was this?

Did he have two? Yeah. So the first one was like Buknevich was falling in front of him and he did something which is well understood to be a dirty thing in the NHL. You're playing on ice, one of the hardest surfaces in the world. And he put his 6'5", 240 pound frame on top of this guy as he was falling and put his legs behind him like a wrestling thing to drive his face into the ground. And that guy's out for the season. The guy who he did that to. He has concussion protocol.

He's probably having like light visibility problems. He did that. The other who he did that to. He has concussion protocol. He's probably having light visibility problems. He did that. The other person he did it with was Artemi Panarin, the all-star of the Rangers, one of the best players in the NHL. He's an $80 million asset for the most valuable franchise in the NHL, the New York Rangers, the only one that's worth like $2 billion for the franchise. And he grabbed the back of artemi panarin's head his hair because he has long hockey hair and he pulled him to the ice

and went on top of him and you can see artemi panarin's head bounce off the ice and so now artemi panarin is out for the rest of the season granted new york not making the playoffs so it's not the end of the world but the season is like five games the season's almost over but even so this is an all-star and 80 million dollar asset for the new york rangers who has a huge contract sign and he cracked his head on the ice and it was only like a little bit later that they're like yeah artemi panarin is gonna have to go to like therapy for this and like and like try and get back on his feet like this is no joke concussion protocol is no joke concussions fuck you up and he did that to him and this guy tom wilson has done this many times he uh got suspended for 20 games just two years ago for hurting a blue player a blues player in a pre-game in a pre-game

of the season he did that he is he's a genuine retard piece of shit and i i hope like like really the only way that the Rangers could have handled it, because what the Rangers did was all wrong. And I'm going to say some things that are like not hockey okay, but like this is the way it works. If you have a player like Tom Wilson on your team, is the Rangers tried to go after Tom Wilson in this most recent game. They tried to make him pay for it. No.

If you actually want to make a player like Tom Wilson pay for this behavior, what you do is you send someone out there and you take a wild, dangerous run at Alex Ovechkin. You take a dangerous run at Nicholas Backstrom. You destroy their goalie when he's behind the net. That's what you actually do to shut this shit down. You say, oh, you're going to pull dirty moves on us? We're going to pull up an AHL guy, and his entire job is going to be to hurt Alex Ovechkin, the best goal scorer in NHL history.

And until Wilson stops behaving this way. Wayne Krinsky, carry on. I like it better if they go after the coach, because then it's just ridiculous. That would be ridiculous. I'm telling you. You go up for the coach because then it's just ridiculous. That would be ridiculous. I'm telling you. You bring up the AHL guy. He comes out on the ice like that fucking...

Grabs him by the tie. He goes to the other bench and just grabs the coach and drags him onto the ice and starts beating the shit out of him. Then it's just clear what they were going for there. I mean, but it's not even the coach as much as it is Tom Wilson.

Yeah, but you can do a lot more damage to the coach. He's probably like a 50-year-old man who hasn't been on the ice in a decade or more. They don't care if they're – I mean, first of all, if you grabbed a coach, you're kicked out of the NHL forever. You can't do that. He wasn't making it. We get somebody off the street. We get a fan out of the stands.

Find a bad one. I'm not saying that this is morally right. I'm just saying that if the Rangers – Hey, buddy, can you skate? It doesn't matter. You won't need them. Come on. There's one dude in snowshoes shuffling out there.

I'm telling you. Throw on these cleats. I know hockey pretty well, and I know the pace of the game. And the thing the Rangers did, which, first of all, they did do the right thing by starting the next game with a line brawl. So they put their fourth line out there, and they tell every single forward to start a fight instantly. So there's three fights right off the bat on the drop of the puck

on the first period. That's the right move. You're supposed to do that. They lost two out of three of those fights. They lost two out of three of those fights. And, well, actually, I would say that they lost one. They clearly of those fights and and well actually uh you i would say that they lost one they clearly won one and then one was a draw because i don't like that shit where they count the winner of a hockey fight as whoever threw the person down because sometimes

the person who gets thrown down is just just fucking them up in the face and then the guy who's getting fucked up is like whoa and they're like oh he ended up on top he won no that guy's got like two bleeding eye sockets and the other guy got tossed to the ice who cares so i would have said it was more of a draw off the line brawl but truly if they wanted to get to wilson in a true way because you can't beat up tom wilson the rangers don't have a big enough player if they want a big enough guy to beat up tom wilson they got to bring in vegas and let ryan reeves knock his shit in but what they should have done has been like hey do the line brawl and then the rest of the game fuck up their star players tj oshi fuck him up you take a penalty who cares we're out of the playoffs hurt them make them pay in the playoffs make it so that

ovechkin's ankle hurts in the playoffs and And this is dirty hockey I'm talking about. Just hit him with a stick, right? You have to respond in kind. If Tom Wilson's going to do this shit, then goddamn, the Rangers better go in there and make him pay for this shit. And the way you make him pay, a bullshit player who's not going to win games on his own, is by destroying the star players

on their team. But that's really hard to do. Ovechkin's not easy to hit, and he's a big guy himself. That's why I said backstabbing. We're going to need one guy to hold hard to do ovechkin's not easy to hit and he's a big guy himself that that's why i said back we're gonna need one guy to hold him because ovechkin would honestly a hard guy to truck because he's like six four and like ovechkin is the best goal scorer in the league he's six four and in his early career he's the second best hitter he's like it's a real problem in his in his early i was picturing ovechkin as like a speedy little guy. Like he's like five, eight, but he's twice as fast as everyone else. Like he's in and out of the lines or something.

Ovechkin is a monster. He's a gigantic, talented man. He's so dangerous is because like early in his career, he would throw huge hits all the time and steal the puck and then score. But some of his hits would be so big that he would get penalties. And they're like, you're way too valuable to go in the box. Please don't go in the box. You're the best goal scorer in NHL history, the best pure goal scorer, I'll say.

So that's what the Rangers should have done if they were trying to get serious. What the Rangers did as far as their statement, I think was awesome. It was great of them to call out Peros and the NHL on their bullshit for not suspending Tom Wilson for this. And like I said, there were enforcers, there were NHL commentators saying things like, I don't know why the hell the NHL wouldn't punish Wilson other than if they were to punish him,

the extent to which they punished him would have to be so severe that it would pull him out of the playoffs, and we want Washington to do well in the playoffs because since they won the Cup in 2018, they're one of the biggest franchises, recency bias, things like that. And so I could absolutely see that happening where they give Tom Wilson the benefit of the doubt because they want to see Washington have a deep run. So it's business. It made a business decision. in for someone like me um because like the guys in the og side of the uh subreddit were posting pictures of like the um the rangers uh box like penalty box and how it was just stacked full of guys and everything i sent them to you guys on whatsapp and it was just everybody's kind of

incensed about it it's it's it's pretty ridiculous the way that was handled yeah it's ridiculous the way it was handled and like just just the over the line way that wilson plays it's not hard-nosed hockey it's not like you want to see hard-nosed hockey there's a million other players you can look to he's a dirty player he's the kind of guy who knows and also wilson he turtles every time he plays a team like vegas because ryan on vegas because he does not want anything to do with Ryan Reeves. Because Ryan Reeves will humiliate him on the ice. And so this guy will throw a dirty-ass hit and then skate like a bitch back to the bench. Or he'll fight someone four inches shorter than him.

Tom Wilson is a fucking bitch. I had like a dozen people, only two of which I knew were Capitol fans in my pre-PKA stream. Taylor Mirka on Twitch, follow me. Multiple people all trying to goad me into arguments. And in the beginning part of the stream, I was like, you're not going to... Great bait, mate. I rate it eight out of eight,

but I'm not going to fall for it. And then by the end of the stream, I'm like, but he was fucking doing that. I totally fell into it. But yeah, it's a really interesting thing to see. The fact that they fined Tom Wilson $5,000 for a really interesting thing to see. The fact that they find Tom Wilson $5,000 for a hit that anyone else would be suspended. And then they find the New York Rangers $250,000 for their statement where they called out George Peros, the head of NHL player

safety, a former enforcer, by the way. If you can find 15 minute compilations of a guy fighting and hurting people on YouTube in the NHL, that guy has no business being the director of player safety. Like George Peros single-handedly doled out dozens of concussions and hurt people forever. Shanahan was a tough guy and he was great at that job. Shanahan was great at that. Wait, no. Was Shanahan the head of player safety brendan shanahan i'm almost positive if he was i would give him the benefit of the doubt because

shanahan is a good example of a hard-nosed player he did things that now would be seen as dirty but back then were okay you know even like back then you could say like like scott stevens antics in 2002 were edgy in 2002 no one was like that, that's hard nose hockey other than devil's fans. But it's just totally, you know, Shanahan was a player before a bruiser. He never tried to end anybody's career. He's,

he's one of the best players of all time, you know, top 100 at least more than the top 100. But yeah, I, I hate that. I actually really liked the Washington capitals as a team. I think backstrom

and ovi are such a cool combo i like oshi he played for the blues for the longest time we drafted him it's literally just tom wilson everyone but tom wilson i like on the capitals but this guy's a piece of shit do you remember you are you too young for sean avery no not at all yeah sean avery was a piece of shit Sean Avery was a total piece of shit. But he was an annoying troll piece of shit. And I couldn't make up my mind if I disliked him or not. Like, they made new rules about him. Kyle, you've probably heard about it because I know you watched a YouTube channel where they talked about new rules.

Plays going on. And he would just put his stick in front of the goalie's face. Waving it back and forth just hard to see hard to see hard to see doing that to him and it's like the air bud rules they're like well there's no rule against that like but you really shouldn't be able to do that and there were a couple he would just come out with annoying ways to like distract the goalie inner. Yeah. He was always doing shit. Remember that guy?

Who's the Bruins who lick the other guy? Oh, that was a Brad Marchand. There's no rules about licking people either. And you're like, but there are now there should be. They, they made a rule that that is roughing or something.

So no longer can you lick someone's face uh as you're playing but yeah yeah and you know what's funny i think it was sean avery who i saw on twitter like and i was watching it and first of all sean avery very like weird spoken guy like he talks like a serial killer if you watch him him talk and his take like i was i watched his clip on the whole tom wilson thing and i was like i wonder what sean avery's gonna say he totally agreed with me he was like you know what that's just waving his stick in the man's face and like it's not like he's standing flat-footed in front of him and he's with his back to the play just bothering the goal windshield wiper and he's not doing it like he's not trying to hide it i've seen him do it three times and

we're 30 seconds into the video like like it's an active play like they're trying to score his back into the play and he's just all over this and he's having a blast doing it and it was smart it was funny but like his take on the tom wilson thing was exactly what i said he was like yeah you put me in the game after that i don't give a fuck about tom wilson i don't care what i'm gonna do is i'm good and he says it like that and he was actually you know not a bad he was a skilled nhl or he's like what i do is i dish in a nice juicy puck behind the net i get their goalie to come out to collect it. As he's coming out to collect it, I take 10 strides to get as fast as I can, and I hit the goalie as hard as I can behind the net. And I try and knock him out, and I try and take him out of the game. And then Tom Wilson's going to learn that you can't do that. Otherwise, someone like

me is going to take your goalie out of the game. And I was like, you know what? That, you know, if Tom Wilson's going to behave that way offensively, he better be fucking prepared defensively for his players. And you know what will happen immediately

when something like that happens? Ovechkin, Backstrom, Oshie, not Holtby anymore, whoever their starting goalie is, they're all going to talk to him privately and scold him and be like, Tom, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you not realize what's happening here? Our most

useful players are getting hurt and targeted because of your antics. Get your shit together. Get it together. That's what would actually happen. They would say, you're going to let Ovechkin and our goalie get run because you want to hurt... Well, not Ovechkin. We've covered that. He's very hard to run. Okay, you couldn't hurt Ovechkin and our goalie get run because you want to hurt. Well, not Ovechkin. We've covered that. He's very hard to run.

Okay, you couldn't hurt Ovechkin. Backstrom, the guy that sets up Ovechkin for all of his shots. You could hurt Backstrom pretty easily. He's not a big guy. He's like 5'11", and so you could pretty easily smash him. I just, you know, and also, like, it doesn't make me seem good at all to be agreeing with Sean avery because you look up sean avery on youtube and some of the shit he does the only person who's like totally dirtier

than him is raffy torres do you remember raffy torres i know i'm trying yeah back out i was watching uh it's funny i was watching uh compilations just the other evening on youtube of pests and bullies getting their comeuppance like whole montages of it and i was i was just loving it like even seeing people like sean avery like just get jacked and and like be on the ground like oh it's like yeah that's what you get bitch that's what you get for trying to ruin other and sean avery pests but I love to hate pests. I'm so glad they exist in the NHL. And it takes, well, not as much anymore, but it used to take bravery to be a pest because people would beat you up for it. And it's easy to think that because they're pro hockey players, they don't mind getting beaten up or like it's okay or it's part of their job or they're fearless or maybe don't feel pain

they're pro hockey players right no they hate being beaten up they really dislike it as much as you or i would and they fear it they they they get um like i was hearing enforcers talk about this shit like you know you're gonna fight that night you've got butterflies in your stomach like have you ever been maybe like there's a fight waiting for you at the end of school? Still feels like that in the NHL. And everyone thinks I'm going to win. Sometimes I don't win.

You have to just watch the first 10 seconds of this clip, Kyle and Woody. So this is Tom Wilson, the guy I'm talking about, skating up to Ryan Reeves. Ryan Reeves is an amateur boxer for the golden knights he looks oh not gonna punch him in the face and then he decks ryan reeves with a sharp hard punch perfect crumples that little bitch i ryan reeves was was one of my favorite blues when he played for us and i still love the dude now that he plays for Vegas. I did like the first 10 seconds

of that. I wish I could show... Dude, NHL in particular is rough for... No, when he fucks up, just the whop! Just right in his fucking face. He just throws a real quick, nice little short left punch to the guy's shin.

Without looking, perfect aim. Yeah, it's perfect. It decks him. Can anybody beat Ryanyan reeves uh if someone was to beat ryan reeves it'd probably be zidano chara oh and that's only because he's six foot ten dude that was fun so char was on the ice when the there were three fights at the beginning of the thing and uh so there are three fights that break out. No one wants to fight Chara. Chara skates over to the Rangers and he's like,

Hey, you guys want to fight? They're like, no. So he respected it. He was like, yeah, if you don't want to fight, I will just say,

that's what's great. That's what's great about someone like Chara is like, he'll fight when he wants to, but he respects the code of like, Hey, do you guys want to fight? Well, no, I'm a six-foot defenseman, and I

have nothing to do with this. They called me up two days ago. Oh, but Zdeno Chara did have a fight in the last week, and now he is the oldest recorded NHLer to get in a fight, 43 years old, and he beat the shit out of that guy.

There's a photo of him that's all over the place where he just looks like fucking frankenstein with his fucked up teeth like pulling back to beat this guy up i watched a video of young chara in a fight it was linked on reddit not long ago i i make these references to bam bam from the flintstones i don't know if other people have seen it i get it i get it and he's just just the guy he's got him off his feet he's off balance and he's throwing him left and right and he's literally like pulling him through the air like a windsock and uh it was like oh my god you could do that to a grown man yeah he's enormously strong there in the fight that he's in where he's looking like a fucking beast in the last week he's fighting matt martin who is

six foot four and a fighter and so he's not beating up some nobody he's beating up someone who's most of their job is throwing big hits and fighting so he's sick i like that about chara i like that about chara chara's done some dirty shit that shit about patch ready and now i'm talking to the eight people out there who know the hit all the montreal fans and the toronto fans know what i'm talking about you pluralize that huh yeah there's a bunch of toronto fans even in my my way smaller than this show stream when i talk about hockey tons of toronto fans some canucks fans montreal fans and then thankfully because i've amalgamated so many people into being Blues fans that we can still outnumber them.

I'm so excited for the playoffs to happen. I really want Kyle's Colorado Avalanche to take first place in the division so we can watch Blues versus Avalanche first round. Only a couple games behind. Very close. Yeah, you're really close to the Vegas Golden Knights and taking them over. Can you even mention the Hurricanes are the best team in the NHL right now?

They're doing tremendous. Best record, longest win streak. Who are they slated to play in the first round? I don't know. Is that division all solidified? No. Oh, it looks like they're going to have the pleasure of dominating Nashville. Oh. I have to get more hockey tacos.

I'll wait. No, no, you're okay. Go ahead. So we were talking about that Fabia guy who's Diego Sanchez's, like, cult leader on PKN. And today I saw Cowboy Cerrone's, like, interview where, like, the fight's Saturday night. And so Cowboy Cerrone's being interviewed. He was going to be Diego's opponent. Made a lot of sense. They're both veterans, older guys, not doing so hot in the last four or five fights.

And so Cowboy's a great guy, great interview. He has no, like, he knows where he is career-wise. Anyway, he's talking about this Fabia guy. And they were like, Diego says that he rolled with Fabia once and Fabia tapped him in 40 seconds. What do you make of that? And he's like, I think he was,

I believe he tapped him, but I don't think they were talking about jujitsu. You know what I mean? Different strokes for different folks. Hell brother hell yeah he's like that cowboy has a history with diego and hates him uh i didn't i didn't know that but but but he went he basically went on and said that diego was gay and that um and that fabio was his cult leader slash lover that's funny i like that which is literally what I was guessing at on PKN saying that Fabia was molesting

Diego and that he was absolutely cult. Was the Fabia Diego camp hyper defensive about it? Well, they're out of the UFC, so nobody knows what they say about anything. He got cut from the UFC for the shenanigans.

He should just... Wait, so if he fired that guy, his trainer, he could get back in the UFC for the shenanigans. He should just... Wait, so if he fired that guy, his trainer, he could get back in the UFC? I doubt it. Because he doesn't belong in the UFC. He doesn't belong in the UFC. And plus, Dana White paid him $220,000 basically just to leave.

Essentially at the end of their little discussion recently. So he's done, and Bellator says they don't want him. That's as of like three hours ago. Shit, where do you even go after that? Bare-knuckle fighting. Oh, is that what he's going to do? That would be my guess.

He hasn't said, but that's where you go when Bellator doesn't want you and the UFC has cut you. How much bigger is UFC than Bellator? I would say UFC is like 75% of the market and Bellator is like 20% and then everybody else is 5%. And Bellator is definitely no slouch in that market. No slouch at all and I saw

a post the other day where they were arguing that Bellator's light heavyweight division is better than the UFC's and I agree. Interesting. So you could get a real rivalry in these If they did some sort of what do they call it? Grand Prix, is that what they call it, Woody? When they have a tournament in one night? I think you're right. Maybe, yeah.

If they had some sort of a Grand Prix-style tournament where they had the UFC's top five face off against Bellator's top five at light heavyweight, my money would be on Bellator winning like three-fifths of the fights and taking the championship. Is that the only weight you would say that about? I haven't looked at their roster, but in particular, the UFC just isn't very deep. The thing about the UFC, that's the only place that I can think of right now at the top of my head where the UFC is just not very deep. And that's partially because Jon Jones moved up, DC retired, and a lot of pieces are moving around.

They caught him at a weak moment. And the other thing that's tricky, so Michael Chandler was their champ at 155. Now he's walked into the UFC's 155 and might be their best fighter. Who's better? Very good. Right? So Khabib is better, but he retired. I'm a big Gaethje fan.

He rides high for me. Poirier as well. And I'm not going to give up on Tony Ferguson to lose his one more. And Oliveira is way more talented than I give him credit for, is how I like to describe him. I think the three of those guys, not so much Ferguson, but Poirier, Gaethje, and Chandler. I don't know who comes out on top. Yeah, yeah. And look, Conor's about to fight Poirier again, and we'll see what happens.

And that will decide what I think about both of them. Yeah. Did you see the hell's the Trump guy, the MAGA guy at 170? Colby Covington. Did you see him talk about Conor? No. Is he trying to get a fight with Conor? Although, not to cut you off, but there's two Trump guys at that weight.

Masvidal, also a Trump guy. Okay. Trump called Masvidal after his last fight and said Usman got a lucky shot on him. It was fun to listen to. This is Colby's line. I haven't seen it. This is referring to what McGregor said. But I've heard about it, and it's obviously just Conor trying to get some hype, get some headlines.

Come on, dude. You just got knocked out by Dustin Sarriere. Come on, are you serious? You want a title shot at 170? You're getting beat up by gatekeeper lightweights, and now you want to come to the top of the 170 welterweight division? Everyone knows what Conor's doing. He's not really going to do that.

He's not really going to come up and fight welterweight. He's just doing that to grab attention, to grab headlines, make people think he's being taken seriously. Because honestly, Conor's a joke. He's a laughingstock in the MMA community. And even to casual fans, they're just like, Conor's washed up, he's done. He's made all that money with his whiskey.

He made all that money with the Mayweather fight. He has no motivation. Nothing gets him up early in the morning to fight. He tries to say it's for his kids, but man, the guy's done. He's got nothing left in the tank. Fucking Colby hitting hard.

I agree with all that. Um, I think I, I think I agree with all that. Um, like, like 99% of it at the very least, uh, like,

like man, and I don't think it's all negative, right? What he didn't say is he doesn't have the skills to cut it. He doesn't have like, like, like he didn't say that because I don't think it's all negative right what he didn't say is he doesn't have the skills to cut it he doesn't have like like he didn't say that because i don't think it's true i think if connor was dirt poor right now and like like this is like a rocky movie this is just like a rocky movie like connor just made way too much fucking money he was too good for his own good if that like literally he was too good for his own good he was too flashy too entertaining and the only thing marketable okay now i'm starting to agree i was about to say i disagree he didn't make all

that money because he was the best at 155 we've ever seen or he made all that money because he's the most entertaining at 155 to watch he could put on a fucking show and he could promote a fight 145 wasn't interesting until connor existed i don't have an opinion about that but jose aldo like did i fucking pulled out of so like six fights yeah he was always cracking i don't remember he was always having some kind of a fucking issue yeah with a weight cut or something like that but in any case like like yeah connor got way too rich for his own good um i don't know why he still wants to like be in this i don't know why he isn't just enjoying his money on a beach with whores like why i don't know why he still wants to be in this. I don't know why he isn't just enjoying his money on a beach with whores. I don't know why he's still...

Some people like the attention. He can get it other ways, though. Maybe. I saw Logan Paul. So Logan Paul is about to fight Mayweather, right? And I saw they had a confrontation where they're like... Did you see they had a scrum? They had a little scuffle.

Did they? And Logan... Mayweather's talking shit to Logan. confrontation where they're like you see they had a scrum they had a little scuffle did they and uh and uh logan like mayweather's talking shit to logan and logan does the most juvenile thing i've ever seen done like it was fun to see connor and him kind of like mince words with each other logan just goes got your hat and he yanks the hat off his head and runs away mayweather is like melting down like give me my hat back he's like nah i got your hat that's great fucking hat mayweather just got hair surgery or something he got all his hair back oh maybe that's why he took his hat then yeah he might be sensitive to the whole hat situation

because mayweather was a bald dude and now he's not now he's got great hair yoinked his fucking hat off his head um i had a clip of it somewhere but i'm failing that's interesting i didn't then that probably is why he was so turned off by the hat thing i didn't know there was a baldness issue not anymore yeah not anymore a half a billion dollars really gets rid of that oh yeah he's got a full head of hair he yoinks it off his head and runs away and mayweather like takes off after him but but mayweather's got like a full like fucking thick black man head of hair yeah i did we just lose taylor no i'm right i. Oh, okay. My screen got weird. That's on me. And I don't know if you know

Mayweather and 50 Cent are friends. 50 Cent's roasting him. Apparently Mayweather got a beard transplant too. What? Yeah. I want to see if Derek talks about this. I never hear about anybody getting that. I'm looking at pictures that make it look like

a beard transplant. Why would you get a beard transplant? Just don't have a beard if you don't grow one. That seems scary. Isn't that like a, or I guess what they're doing is just inserting hair follicles into your face? Yeah. Oof. Yeah, I don't know.

Look at that. Where is it? Oh, why did they go with pubic hair, though? That's a thing like so hair transplants if you don't know i'm i think there's more than one way to do it one is to cut a whole like football shape off the back of your head and put it somewhere else and the other way i might be wrong about this and i think the more common way is they take it follicle by follicle off the back of your hair here where you don't bald. And then they put it in the front and reinsert it one by one.

And then they like come and go or something. It takes a couple of months before you get your final hairline. Yeah. With the beard, though, like you can't take head hair and put it on your beard. I think it would come in. Yeah. Right. It's not a whisker.

So where is the donor hair for a beard? Yeah, I don't get that because your beard's probably similar to mine as is Kyle's. It's people care. Yeah, it's all stiff and whiskery. Like mine too. If a head hair of mine falls out on my counter

in my bathroom and a beard hair does, it doesn't take any differentiation for me to be like that's clearly very different the one that's four times as thick and that's like hard and stiff yeah that's my beard hair yeah it's almost made to be armor or something like like evolutionarily like it's it's made to be some tough stuff it's the toughest hair on our body like i compared it to pubic hair but it's not pubic hair is like light and fluffy hair i know that like what you've mentioned it i've given myself splinters from my from my beard hair you have two we're like it'll stick in there like because it's just i did it from my head hair i think less now it's maybe thinner but it used to be like a running thing in the family when jackie

would cut my hair you get splinters from it but I feel like it's thinner than it used to be. You can do that minoxidil thing. I know someone who's doing the minoxidil beard stuff right now with the micro needling and, uh, as with, with, and compounding with minoxidil,

it works like, like I'm pushing 50. I'm happy with it. No, no beard. Oh, yeah. They, they they they run that that uh electronic micro needler over their face and uh and then they uh put the minoxidil treatment on there and it soaks into

the holes that you've just punched in your face and you grow a beard and in like six to eight months you like double triple your beard like there's like some crazy before and afters. Is that what he did? I'm not saying that's what he did. I seriously would imagine he has some. They probably took dead man's beard hair and stuck it into him. He paid. That man can pay for whatever it takes.

That's a dead man's beard he's wearing. I choose to believe that. I like it. Should we wrap? Yeah yeah i think so the night is still young i like that show pka 542 it's a good show