Painkiller Already - PKA 545 w Danny Mullen - #WankBattles, Hottest First Ladies, PKA Eating Contest

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

I've been awake for 12 minutes. I'm ready to go. That is how we kicked off the show. Oh, fuck yeah. Are we going? PK, I hit 540. Yeah, we're recording. Kyle said, fucking hit it, and I did.

And then he carried on with that thought. I'm finishing an email. All right, well, this episode of PK is brought to you by Blue Chew and Postmates. Good thing I'm a consummate professional who had that ready. Danny, thank you so much for joining us with your leader bottle of perrier as always absolutely it will become my urine receptacle about halfway through the show and then his drink three quarters through and uh yeah this is i think the first time i think i had a golden second episode where for some reason none of my equipment was malfunctioning but since then it's been nothing but problems we got this mic these headphones

working right when i signed on to the discord it's gonna be a great show dude you came in like a pro he came in like you guys can hear how good he sounds right he didn't come in on a webcam mic that we had to adjust no he just say how do i sound like fucking eargasm that's how you sound excellent excellent stuff it's good to have you back again uh i think you're one of my favorite guests like i was talking to somebody the other day who doesn't know uh i i was talking to somebody Excellent stuff. It's good to have you back again. I think you're one of my favorite guests. Like I was talking to somebody the other day who doesn't know. I was talking to somebody the other day about what I do and this show. I hate those questions.

What's your podcast called? This American Life? It's called the Joe Rogan Experience. Oh, you've heard it before yeah i'm joe rogan yeah i know i know no no yeah i look hairier in real life no we have an actor portray me just to keep me on the down low that's what that's about um but i was telling them i they were they're like hey well which episode should i watch to like get a for what you do? And I was like, look up Danny Mullen. Look at Danny Mullen episode. I think that's a good one.

I think maybe I mentioned the Chris Hansen episode because that's somebody that like – a face they know already. I take a different tact on that. Danny Mullen would be the kind of episode that I don't want them to know about. Hide that one from me. I don't want them to know about. Hide that one from me. I don't want to say this person again. So I sent him straight to the Danny Mullen episode. There is a short list of people when I see them as guests

I'm going to be like, ah, tonight's an easy night. Tonight will be a good show. I don't even have to try. I'll try to do my best. You mentioned, Kyle, that you hate it when people ask you what you do. Taylor does. It's awful. I don't know why best it's you mentioned kyle that you hate it when people ask you what you do oh taylor does it's awful you know i don't know why you enjoy that either it's it's rough like i just popped over by your channel you convinced a black man to put on white face to get into a los angeles

country club you know i didn't i didn't convince him to do it he's actually really pliable in those comedic situations his name is king crock aka the a.k.a. the Pussy Shadow. He's a new pickup to our squad and he's fucking great. Yeah, we, um, what we did is him, he put on a do-rag, he wore his most ghetto Melrose Boulevard,

I spent 90% of my paycheck on my t-shirt style gear. We roll into this country club, he's just looking really ghetto and black, I am wearing a black morph suit which is it's like the acceptable form of blackface and i'm like green man but black yes it's great and i i bought the suit from a black man at party city and i just know he could not imagine what i ended up doing with that we roll in there however go right up to the membership

area the bar where the main employees are and say we want a fucking membership or we say it more like yo motherfucker we want a motherfucking membership and of course they are very off-put and they tell us to get off the premises well they were off-put because you were pretending to be black and you could see your very white legs coming out the bottom of the morph suit. It was a size small It was a size small way to cut the feet off so I could fit I Liked how like all those rich people Genuinely didn't know a response when I guess King Croc is his name would be like hey be quiet

Like you guys need to get out of here, and he'd be like what are you a racist? Oh, yeah, some rich guy who's actually a members like fuck I? Can't afford for this to be on video. You know what? Just do whatever you want, guys. Do whatever you want. That's the silver bullet. It'll kill anyone.

And also, that white guy was reasoning with King Croc. He said, watch your language. As if somebody who storms into a country club first in a do-rag and then in a white face is going to heed that sort of request to watch language. Yeah. and then in whiteface is going to heed that sort of request to watch language. Yeah, and it was funny. His impression of being white was just like holding his pinky up and being like, indubitably. Yeah. I haven't heard a lot of that lately.

And that was the idea. We got a limo. We came back with him in whiteface with us in suits, and we tried a second time about 20 minutes later, and of course nobody was fooled and that's the premise of that video very nice very nice dude i am kind of hard to explain to talk about trey young can we talk about trey young at all i don't know i don't know who that is i don't know what that is who's trey young wait is he a is he a athlete he is an athlete okay all right is he a

basketball player he is a basketball he played for Phillies? No, that's a baseball team anyway. Oh wait, no, the 76ers. Whatever, the 76ers. No, he doesn't. Oh, that was close. So Trey Young plays for the Atlanta Hawks. He's good. He's going to be an all-star almost every year. He's young. I think he might be 22 right now. And

he's the second best guy in his draft class. He's good, he's good. But, you know, it's not LeBron James quite yet, but work with me. He plays against the New York Knicks. He's playing for the Hawks against the Knicks. They're all excited to be in the playoffs. Last time the Knicks were in the playoffs, I was a young man. It's been fucking forever.

They handed out this piece of paper for the fans. I don't know who handed this out. I keep hearing that every single person at the Garden, I think that's where the Knicks play, got this same piece of paper. And this is a chant that they're leading. Trey is balding. At only 22 years old, Trey's hair is thinning at an alarmingly fast pace and has a bald spot on the crown of his head.

This will be a much more effective chant to take advantage of home court and throw Trey off his game. Dude, tens of thousands of people were chanting Trey is balding at this point. I can hear it in my head. Trey is balding. Yeah. Done, done, done, done. With the claps.

Like that. Trey is balding. Oh, dude. Trey is awesome, by the way. i think even the knicks fans like him he plays he's playing against him right oh no trey and uh by the way shave it off trey you're a man of color oh dude like not only is this that sideburn thing you're going for this picture is from college right and i picked kind of the worst one. He doesn't always look this bad. I would describe that haircut. If you had to describe that haircut in one word, it would be assault.

Dude, let me describe it in many words because I liked this person's description. Hang in there. Is anyone else going to talk about Trey Young's hair? What the hell is going on? The silence on this issue is deafening. Trey Young's head is a national nightmare that we need to start a conversation about. If no one else wants to do it, I will. In his tears in the NBA, I haven't seen nearly as many people mention it as I'd imagine.

I had to Google and I found some unfortunate the fuck is that? I'm all about being yourself and owning who you are, but if I can muster up the time and energy every day to put on a layer of mascara, Trae Young can buy a hairbrush. This isn't a statement about self-love and acceptance, it's just gross. If he played for the Lakers, I'd assume LeBron paid him to draw attention away from his own hair issues. But it can't be any other reason to go on national TV like that. He's 21 and a first-round NBA player living in Atlanta, and I bet he gets no pussy. No self-respecting gold digger could even stand to look back at that while faking an orgasm to get money for lip injections it's just not worth it trey young's hair looks like stuff that gets caught in the shower drain they are ripping on this man's head you know what's funny i agree with every word of

that i agree with every word that it's like i wrote it it's incredibly mean and and frighteningly accurate that is top 10 worst hair i've ever seen in my life you have like to find hair that bad you have to find people who are like making up just posted the picture of barb from home alone so i linked some a tweet in there making fun of him. Apparently his avatar in NBA 2K19 is also balding very unflatteringly. And then like the biggest liked response to that was

just a wet lollipop rolled in dog hair. To Trey's credit. It looks like pussy hair glued to a coconut. He really he just needs to cut his losses. Just shave. That is the move. At this point he didn't just shave. Just boom. That is the move. At this point, he didn't just shave in barter territory, but here's

the deal. Trey's cool as fuck. These chants go on and he just smiles. I think he appreciates the gamesmanship. He realizes he's the victim of these things, but he's also like, all right, good one. Good one.

He's in the game. I hope they give it right back to him when they come to Atlanta. Also, I am so happy with the way that story turned out because when you said people were passing around notes for a chant, knowing the NBA these days, I thought it was going to be George Floyd, one year, gone but not forgotten. And instead, it's an insult to one of the players out there on the floor. It's beautiful.

I heard that the mayor there called for, maybe it was the governor, called for a nine-minute moment of silence. And I was like, why nine minutes? Why nine minutes? Wait, did it take them nine minutes to choke him to death? And they were like, yeah, yeah. They had a nine-minute moment of silence for every minute it took that cop to choke him to death. At a sports yeah yeah they had a nine minute moment of silence for every minute it took that cop to death game at a sports game at a state the governor called for a statewide

moment of silence um on the anniversary the one year anniversary of floyd's uh oh you can't tell me to be quiet this is america i was gonna say in my house i think we should do that every day just every day just have that nine minutes please please get nine minutes nine minutes yeah and just keep saying it's for floyd it would be great six years of silence for the u.s's involvement in world war ii nine minutes is comedically long there's an oldli G. Show episode where in the Borat character, he goes into a courtroom or some assembly, and he asks for 10 minutes of silence in honor of the Tishnik massacre. And it's a comedy bit because nobody can keep silent for 10 minutes.

It's almost impossibly uncomfortable. Yet now it's real. That'd be fun if they asked me to do a tight five. I had a four and a half minute moment it's like the uh it's like the sam hyde bit the 2070 paradigm shift where he goes out on the fake ted talk stage he gives a fake ted talk and he comes out just so winded and starts like guzzling water and goes just give me like 45 seconds. That's so long to make people wait. Just give me like 45 seconds.

It's so fun. Yeah, that's great. Hopefully people will take lessons to this and spread out even more creative insults to all sorts of teams. Don't just pick on Trey. Pick on everyone. That's some good old-fashioned mean shit.

I like it. I like that we haven't gotten past good old – sports is where you can still have – usually. It's usually where you can still have that mean-spirited kind of shit and get 30,000 people on their feet going right after it. I guarantee nobody was in the stands like – no Philly fan was like, oh, come on, guys.

No, no. Maybe it's alopecia not nearly as fun but uh russell westbrook got injured russell westbrook is the best player on the wizards i think who the sixes are playing right now and he got injured so before the game was over he's like limping out the little aisle between someone dumped like five gallons of popcorn on him just shuffled it down and he responded in like the worst way he acted like he was injured he's like oh oh god oh god like what's happening he acted like he was assaulted and it was the worst thing that like could have happened it was popcorn dry popcorn with no butter as far as I can tell Relax, bro. You're nearly you got off easy, but it could have been a barrel batteries or something

Do we treat you better than Santa Claus fucking relax? Do you know it could have been acid? I think that was a thing the Flyers fans did is the NHL a while back They gave these like heavy light-up wristbands as like the the gift for the thing and it was like put these on and then they're all programmed so that it knows where you are and then it's gonna make designs with lights throughout the game and it's like that's a really cool concept but it turns out when you have like a d battery worth of weight in there all the Flyers fans just started throwing it at the Canucks or whoever it was on the ice and they had to they had to tell them that they didn't do that promotion anymore the famous one is was aucks or whoever it was on the ice. And they had to tell them that. They didn't do that promotion anymore.

The famous one was a football game. And it was like right before Christmas. And Santa comes out on their sleigh. And I don't know why all the fans pelted Santa Claus with batteries. But only Philly people think it's great. A battery will fuck you up. You don't want to take a battery. No, no, no.

Don't throw them at me. That's not fair. They're heavy. Yes, they are. Especially ones that haven't been used yet they get lighter when you use them i'm pretty sure no way that was a joke he's he's fucking with you yeah no i bet they do get lighter i bet use batteries you know what it is they don't bounce once uh you can drop a battery and it doesn't bounce if it's been used. You're an asshole I'm not a bouncing batteries. Why would I what do I have to gain here? I think you google bouncing batteries You're gonna see a Philly Fan throwing a battery at a fucking players head and it bouncing off or something the bouncing batteries test fuck you

Battery bounce test popularized an online. I don't know shit about batteries charge batteries It's gonna fucking battery expert over there, so well. I don't know shit about batteries. I'm a fucking battery expert over there. So I want to know how charged a battery is. Should I just slam it on the ground? Is that your suggestion? Maybe a light bulb? That's what Diode Gone Wild on YouTube says. Diode Gone Wild.

That's his channel name. I looked. Is a charged battery heavier than a depleted one? No, you're not adding or removing any matter to the battery, so you will not be adding any mass. I thought maybe there was some moisture in there that was going to evaporate. What about all those electrons, I hear you ask, which isn't what you said, but whatever. No. It says, no, you're not adding any more electrons to the battery. You're simply reversing the electrochemical

reactions inside. Anyone who thinks that subatomic particles might come into play on a scale in their home. That's what I actually wonder. Like, okay, okay, okay. Let's agree that I can't hold a charge and empty it in my hands and tell the difference, but what if I had a more accurate measuring device? Is it possible?

Like an atomic scale. Apparently not. You would need a subatomic scale. Well, whatever the best scale we have. An electron is many times smaller than an atom. But there's lots of them. You could just touch it to a kid with braces' face and see if it sparks. You could, but now you're in jail.

I bet it does. It probably works. You can touch it to your tongue and it tastes bad. It always tastes bad. It's a battery. I did that in middle school i put a battery to my braces and there was a legitimate spark and i saw a flash god nice that's what happened to you yeah that's what did it huh ruined all your new that the molestation whatever neurons well you know that gets a lot of us

yeah get you early it always does when you least suspect it when you least suspect it that molestation all right speaking of molestation it's it's it's a week of molestation i can't nice segue it's a weak segue but but but i've been just kevin's chomping at the bit to talk about this fucking tv show i've been watching um it's called mr in between it's on on FX. I watch it on Hulu. And it is about an Australian hitman who has a bit of a family. He's got a young daughter who's eight years old.

He's got a very nice relationship with her. He works sort of security at a strip club. And the owner is a friend of his, also a very wealthy guy who's often arranging these jobs for him and uh it's really really good it's really good and uh there were two episodes that involved pedophiles and like he's this type of character that like after you've watched like a season of this show you're like you're like god help anyone that this guy

doesn't like like the main character is so fucking scary he's got like absolute dead eyes and he'll go in one minute he'll he'll be like having this wonderful time with his daughter and like yeah would you like some ice cream bit of ice cream yeah let's get you let's get you a little popsicle and you're like oh man he's a great father. He really is, he really is. And they like bump into these guys on the street and they knock the ice cream out of his daughter's hand. And he's like, hey bro,

you knocked my daughter's ice cream down. And he's just like, watch where the fuck you're going, bag. And it's just like, wow, these guys really shouldn't have said that. That's probably not going to go well. And he's like, alright then, have a nice day. And he's like, oh, he's just going to let him off. And he goes, takes his daughter to the car and he just like, wow, these guys really shouldn't have said that. That's probably not gonna go well. And he's like, Roy, then have a nice day. And he's like, oh, he's just gonna let them off. And he goes, takes his daughter to the car.

He's like, wait right here. I'm gonna go get you another ice cream. And like, he like runs across the street and just like, doesn't even, it doesn't, the guy's like, what do you want old man? He doesn't have conversations with people. He never, he doesn't do that. He doesn't, he doesn't believe in any of that. He doesn't mon conversations with people. I love that. He doesn't do that. He doesn't believe in any of that. He doesn't monologue first?

No. He immediately goes to a kick in the balls for one of them and puts him down. And then he's after the other one like a fucking goon in the streets. In his spare time, he works out and trains boxing. And whenever he gets in a fight, you immediately see that, like, I think the actor might have some boxing skills or something. Because when he's in, like, fight choreography scenes, he's just, like, I think the actor might have some boxing skills or something because when he's in like fight choreography scenes, he's just like really fast and like throwing like accurate looking punches. It's, it's just beating the shit out of people continuously. And, uh, it's a really fucking good show. It's crazy violent. He's a, he's a smart hit man. He

was, he was in the military and he sort of brought those skills home. And it's good. It's really fucking good. There are some funny moments, and you sort of root for this guy the same way you'd kind of root for, like, Walter White or somebody like that. But I really like all the Australian stuff, all of the slang and, like, Australian shit that I didn't know about. Like, I didn't know what a dunny was. I didn't know what din Australian shit that I didn't know about. Like I didn't know what a dunny was. I didn't know what dinnies are.

I don't know what those are. Dimmies are like these meat pocket things. What do you call them when you wrap meat in a thing? Dumplings. These little meat dumplings that are like fast food to them. And a dunny is a bathroom, like a toilet. I don't don't know there's a lot of fucking slang going on you're learning mr in between how deep are you i've watched it all oh okay there's there's the third season is debuting now so i got to season three episode three um jesus christ you tore through that

today yeah have you seen the movie Nobody? It sounds similar, and you might like it. Not similar at all, but that is the John Wick ripoff starring... Bob Odenkirk. Better call Saul guy. Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk, yeah. He's a legendary comedy guy, too. Mm-hmm.

I thought the maker of it was also involved in John Wick. Like, you called it a ripoff I thought it to me. It was like from the producers of John wick this came out I'm not sure if that's true. There's some incredibly uncreative people. Yes. Yes. They have one show like what story they keep retelling I Have not seen it, but I feel like I've watched enough of the preview. I watched two previews and yeah, I've seen it but i i feel like i've watched enough of the preview i watched two previews and yeah i've seen it essentially i liked it if you saw if you've seen john wick i bet it's good i i don't think it's gonna be bad i bet it's gonna be good i just haven't gotten to it yet he has a tattoo on his wrist that i was just i'm not worthy but i was straight up inspired by it's a two and a seven

like in a deck of cards and i'm like what two and seven like what apparently that's the worst hand in poker the idea is that when you've met him you've had bad luck and uh he lives he's um i forget his job title at like the cia the auditor right the auditor the last person you want to see is the auditor so that's what what they called him. But in real life, he looks like an accountant or something. Well, not that badass. Look at a lawyer, maybe. And you think this guy's sort of domesticated.

He's got a wife. He's got kids. His kids don't really respect him. Right out of the gate, the house gets robbed. And very John Wick-ish, by the way. And he lets the robbers rob him. He kind of gives him a pass to some extent. His teenage son holds one of them down.

And dad has an opportunity to take out the woman. And he doesn't. And he lets them escape. So he just comes off like a total pussy. And he's not okay with this. So he goes out and he finds them. Beats them up. Goes on a bus. Finds some more people. Beats them up., gets in trouble with the syndicate, and then there's this whole thing.

It's pretty fun to watch Nobody. He does a lot of ass kicking. I may check it out. Yeah. I think you'll like this in-between show. I'll tell you about one episode. I can't get over a two and a seven because when you meet me, it's bad luck. That is hard for the course of this show. I got a flat tire, so you know bad things are coming.

You're minorly inconvenienced. Yeah, Seven Dukes is the worst can in Texas. I can't get over that. I'm sorry, Kyle. You said this is just such a great show, and I can't get over how one of the situations you described is they're walking down the street. They bump into each other.

Watch where you're going, fag! And then those guys just get beat up as if this is some emmy award-winning show no no thank you thank you he's like your show is a john wick ripoff unlike my cinematic masterpiece where they have a dialogue like watch it fag no you don't get it you learn words like what i'm getting at with that is that you know how scary this guy is. And people will slight him in public, and you'll be like,

ooh, what's he gonna do? And sometimes he'll just let it completely go, because he's with his family or his girlfriend, and he doesn't want to make a big fucking scene. A guy literally calls him a faggot at the ice cream shop or something. And he just

lets it go. He's like, alright, let it go. We're good. We're good. But then there's an episode where Is he always running into trouble? He gets into a lot of trouble. He's the kind of guy that if he came up to you,

it's like that example of if someone comes to you and is like, I got kicked out of a bar. The fucking owners hate me. You'd be like, that sucks, dude. There's a bunch. No, I got kicked out of every bar in the city. These owners, man. You're causing the problems for me now.

Oh, he's causing the problems 100%. He has this great monologue where he's explaining to his daughter about respect and being a doorman. He's just like, people respect you, you respect them. Oh, you don't want to be a dinny, do you? No, you don't want to do that. There's no reason to respect somebody.

There's no reason to respect somebody who doesn't respect you because then you're just a doorman. You can't make people like you. And sometimes you've got to make those people fear you. She's like, I don't want people to be afraid of me. I want people to like me. Well, I'm emotionally damaged and I'm a terrible father. You can imagine that. He's like, you can't make

people like you, but you can make people fear you. And you can assault people behind the back. You absolutely can. He's in anger management for his many assaults. And he has to... Usually they send people like that to jail. Well, he doesn't get caught and convicted for like serious things.

He gets caught, he got caught for like punching, kicking that guy in the balls in the street. Like he had to go to anger management. And the guy who's like running the anger management session, he's like, name one example of violence being the right thing to do. And he's like, World War II? And the guy's just like, okay, well, occasionally, maybe one in a million times it's the right thing to do, but come on, can anyone else think of any time when violence was the right thing to do?

Yeah, yeah, somebody's like, World War II was pretty good. I mean, World War II, can we all agree? We didn't talk the Nazis down. But anyway, there's an episode where he's telling his daughter this because she's being bullied at school. And this other girl's posting stuff on Twitter, like her face edited and just calling her fugly and stuff. And she's like nine.

This is like a nine-year-old. She's crying at her computer. And so he's like, don't worry. I'm going to take care of this problem for you. Oh, Sheila, you're not that ugly. Don't worry about it. She's not. Cute little girl.

You're like a five out of ten. And he goes to the little girl's parents' house and knocks on the door, and the mom answers. And he's very polite about it. He's just like, hey, your daughter's picking on my daughter. She's bullying her. You think maybe you could say something to her? And she's like, ah, my daughter would never do anything like that.

How'd you find my address? You know what? I'm going to call my brother. He's a cop. And he's like, ooh, scary. Scary. All right. You have a nice day now.

So now he doesn't really know what to do. But he's at his boxing class, and he's boxing with the trainer and everything. And afterwards, the trainer's like, hey, will you help me with the kids? I got a big group class. He's like, you take those. I'll take these. And he's training with this big-ass 13-, 14-year-old girl. And she's like, you can tell she knows what she's doing.

They're like shadow boxing. And he's like, yeah, you're pretty good. How long have you been doing this? She's like, a year and a half. I did jujitsu for three years before that, though. And he's like, oh, yeah? You want to try to score a takedown on me? She's like, sure.

He's like, yeah, yeah, go for it. And she immediately double legs him, puts him in a fucking body lock, and is like rear naked choking him. And he's going, ah! Chokes him unconscious. He's like, I don't tap. I don't tap. The little girl chokes him unconscious.

And later on, you see him. He's like, hey, can tap. I don't tap. The little girl chokes him unconscious. And later on, you see him. He's like, hey, can I talk to you for a minute? And the next thing you see, this big-ass fucking 13-year-old girl who choked him unconscious is at the other little girl's school threatening the bully. I love it. It's incredibly violent. He deals with a couple of child molesters. He's, um, his best friends who just has his best friend's little daughter is with him at a, at a grocery store or like a, like a sporting goods store or some shit with his daughter. And she gets kidnapped by a pedophile. Like, like when

he's not looking a pedophile fucking kidnaps this little girl. And, uh, he runs to the back, gets on the CCTV and like, there the guy is, he he runs to the back gets on the cctv and like there the guy is he takes a picture of the guy on the screen and he like uses his whole network of criminal contacts he's like look we've got to find this guy and like he's got all these people out searching trying to figure out if anybody knows what this guy looks like somebody does he murders that man and two of his friends with a shovel in a basement no it turned out the guy wasn't a pedophile he just sold children to pedophiles oh well i didn't cut it well then what an overreaction he did cut him some slack he only murdered him with a shovel

do you know who handled bullying really really well true detective is that what it's called oh wow that that i i watch that on its own every so often as i know exactly what you're talking about yeah so you could probably tell why don't you tell what he does oh my god so remember what's the the so the uh the the guy's a cop he's an alcoholic cop estranged from his wife and son. And he's a really good-looking, handsome guy. I can't think of the actor right now. He's the guy from In Bruges. Colin Farrell? Is it Colin Farrell? Yeah, I think so. Good-looking, dark-haired young man.

He's not a young man anymore. He's 40 something but still good looking guy his son looks like that redheaded kid from the green For from like the big green or whatever for from Yeah, the big green yeah This other kid at school's fucking bullying him and like Just because they're picking on this missing that's how it starts out I bought you shoes and his stepdad is like I'm going to call him Colin because I forget his name

Colin Farrell is the actor drop it Colin just drop it wear your shoes I bought you new shoes I guess he bought him nice shoes the kid doesn't want to talk about it. Or LeBron. Someone at school stole his shoes. he's finding out the kid's getting bullied.

And he's like, what's this guy, Casey? Casey, is that a boy's name, Casey? Is that a guy's name? Is that a girl picking on you? He shows up at the house and I think Casey answers the the door and he's like hey is your dad here and you know he gets his dad and he's like i'm a cop right they don't tell him

what it's about or anything and dad steps outside and he's like your kid's bullying my kid and he didn't get the answers looking for do you remember what dad said i don't think he let dad say anything i think he did i i think i think he just immediately began assaulting the dad in a horrific manner with brass knuckles he just immediately decked the dad and like the son tries to run away and he grabs the other man's son and like headlocks him he's like no no you watch this you watch this is for you his dad's taking this ass kicking for you you know what you continue to fuck with my boy i will take your head and shove it up your dad's ass or something like that very close i'll come back here and fuck your dad in the ass with your mother's corpse or something like that it's great and like he doesn't just beat the dad up.

The dad has to go to an ER after this. The dad is fucked. We've all seen guys get knocked out. It's almost normal on TV. Not in real life, but on TV you see people get knocked out all the time. It's almost like Taylor, shh, shh, shh. There's people outside. Oh, Taylor can't be quiet.

I'll just hit him in the back of the head with a wrench. It's a silencing mechanism. They don't make knocking. I'll just hit him in the back of the head with a wrench. It's a silencing mechanism. They like don't make knocking. Knocking, that's a really big deal, but not on TV. Yeah, you're going to end up in serious neurological damage. You're going to have traumatic brain injury for your lifetime. But no, no, no. On TV, it's not a big deal.

You are not used to seeing an unconscious man on the ground continue to take more blows. But that's what happens in this scene. And, you know, well, that kid was a bully he had it coming that kid was a piece of shit and i loved watching his dad take one awful beating just an awful awful brutal it was brutal and you know after that like he was just like you're not bullying anybody at school are you you're being nice to the children please be nice to the other children, Tommy. Please. Did you guys ever see

felony fights on YouTube? Of course. Yeah, it's felony fights. I was training Jits at the time, and I would put myself in that, like mentally, put myself in that position, like, how would I do in felony fights? Some of them okay. Some of these guys were completely untrained. Not really that scary. I'm sure, Danny, you felt the in felony fights some of them okay some of these guys were completely untrue not really that scary i'm sure danny you felt the same way some of them

and i've i've evolved my thinking on like what it takes to win a fight lately right and here there are three pillars danny you could be anderson silva so is athleticism aggression and technique okay and i think i used to think it was kind of like technique technique and athleticism or like you know maybe like technique was 80 percent of it and it was very much like a guitar competition i used to use that parallel like you know like it are you better than me at guitar well if you're good at all like guitar actually everyone's better than me at guitar right so but that was like where at all at guitar, actually everyone's better than me at guitar, right? But that was like where my head is and it was like, oh, well, you know,

this guy's trained, therefore he's better than everyone who hasn't trained. And then it helps. But there's three pillars. Aggression, athleticism, and technique. Would you say it's like 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentration?

Something like that. That's what I hear. 5% pleasure, 20% skill, 15% concentration. Something like that. That's what I hear. 5% pleasure, 50% pain. And 100% reason to remember today. Okay, okay. Yeah, the pillars. What are your pillar system? This sounds like Islam all of a sudden.

I'm a little thrown off. You know, I'm feeling judged here. But yeah, yeah. The aggression pillar is the one i'm not so sure about tell me about the aggression pillar i don't oh i think that i think it's the most important i think the aggression thing i think the pillar of aggression is the most important thing in fighting let's see you know i'm not one-on-one scenario here's here's where that came from like i i think i saw it mentioned and i was talking to a brown belt my my wife has like her best friend's husband

is a brown belt and he came over and we're being like we have like a matched friendship as if we were uh arabs or something anyway um we have an arranged friendship that's what i'm looking for yeah so uh uh anyway i'm hanging out with this guy he's actually pretty cool and uh i was i i used my weight system i was like yeah every belt's worth about 30 pounds or so you know blue belt beats a white belt if he's within 30 pounds of that guy roughly and uh he's like yeah yeah i also add 10 years to that he's like because the guy's like my age he's like almost 50 and uh he's like you know i go up against a guy maybe same technique and athleticism level as me but he's 25 he just wants it so much more i'm like man and i'm like ah you know so aggression is like

it's a piece of it you know guys like i'm so angry i'm great at fighting no no no there's more to it than just anger. You fuck. I think it's big. If we're talking about the fucking UFC or something like that, maybe not so much. We've seen Diego Sanchez come out foaming at the mouth. And it doesn't work out for him. But if it's a street fight, we know how they always

begin. How there's that sort of tentative moment at the beginning where there might be talking or arguing or shoving or like Maybe even a like a bullshit punch or something like it to the shoulder or the arm or something like that If there's one guy who's just there and he wants to hurt the other person real bad He wants this to go as far as he can take it and the other guy is still at like level two If you got there's ten levels to, going off and going full Scion mode, he's at, like, a two. He's like, ah, fuck you.

And the other guy is like, I'm ready to kill this man. I feel like that guy has a huge advantage. It doesn't matter if the other guy is bigger, stronger, and more skilled. The other guy is about to attack him. And he's not ready to be attacked. Aggression with no technique is just out of control. And maybe, you know, he can't overcome, but it's worth something.

I would say, I don't know. I would say this. I think what you're calling aggression, I would call initiative and confidence. Because I'm actually, I'm back in jujitsu now. I was rolling with a brown belt yesterday and I was working guard passes on him his guard game really tricky worm guards inverted de la jiva guards if you pause for even a moment to catch your breath he's on a lapel he's on your sleeve he's setting something up and now you have to break grips encounter instead of focusing on

passing guard and he told me right after he's like like, if you don't stop, you pass. So I think that is initiative. And then two, confidence, which is what I think Kyle's talking about. I, for my first 10 Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournaments, my dad would drive me out to Santa Cruz, a three hour drive. We'd spend eight hours at the facility, me warming up because they're all poorly organized little shit shows run by asshole martial arts instructors. It would take eight hours. I would get on the mat and I would get choked out within the first 30 seconds of the match and go home

empty handed. It took me 10 tournaments of that to realize I get to change my fucking attitude. If I step onto the mat, believing anything other than I can destroy this guy, and I'm going to destroy this guy, I'm gonna lose. You have to believe that. And I think that's common. I think all the fights that I've seen, aggression won the fight. Every time. The other guy, and I've seen, I saw one of my dad's friends beat up two guys one time,

at the same time. He, they were in a convertible, and my dad's friend, fair enough, he's an enormous man, but that's irrelevant. He's 6'4", 250 or something. But his opening move was to take off his baseball cleat and have that in his hand while he charged at them while they sat in the convertible. I like that. That's smart. It's a steel cleat. His second move was to just jump in with them on top of both of them. And they really couldn't do anything because they were wearing seatbelts in a convertible.

And so now there's an enormous man on top of them pounding them with a steel cleat. And I don't know how big Goat's feet are but i it's a lot bigger than a nor he got a special order those cleats i know that for sure like a like a 16 wide something like that at least a 14 or 15 like not even joking and he beat the shit out of those men with that cleat and they they were so happy to be free when he when them to leave. And the other time was my dad beating the shit out of these two guys in a huddled house type restaurant who had said a few things they shouldn't have. Like a Waffle House, a Waffle House type restaurant. You know, they got those booths. Yeah. They were both sitting on the same side of a booth. And there were some other people across

from the two people that he had the issue with were sitting side by side. Well, when my dad jumped on top of them, they were smushed in a booth up against the wall. Yeah, those tables are nailed to the ground. You can't escape. Tables are nailed to the ground. They couldn't do anything. So he just beat the shit out of both of them in a Waffle House. I think it was a Huddle House, actually. You know what? That wasn't even

the Waffle House. That wasn't even the only fight that day at that place. That was not there. There was a get the bucket. Sopranos, get the mop. Get the mop. My dad beat up somebody once. Kinda. We were walking into the movie theater, and I was young.

Based on where we lived, I must have been like 12 or 13 which put would have put him at like 35 i guess and uh we come out of the movie theater and i remember this there's a guy driving and he like drives up to these two younger teenagers i'll call them 14 and like hits the brakes aggressively the 14 year olds do like a hey like you know what are you doing that's not good driving like you almost hit me kind of the hand gesture and the driver gets out of the car and he wants to fight these two kids he's gonna win if this happens right because he's like an 18 year old children and yeah Yeah, 18-year-old. And these are like 14-year-olds. Not completely off limits, but like well within a bully's ability to sort of, you know, rough them up.

My father sees this evolving and decides to protect the two 14-year-olds. And I don't think he predicted that it was going to be a fight. Like, I think he would say like, oh, this grown man made a rule about no fighting so i guess i'm out of luck i think that's how he thought it would go but it didn't instead this 18 year old is like well now beat you up instead and uh um they wrestled for a bit and my father had what i'll call top position but he was on the guy's car and the two of them smushed the hood in. And I think like that, like a crowd started to gather.

Oh, we lost Danny. Oh, a crowd started to gather and you know, it just sort of, it broke up, but it was almost like a hockey fight where like you had to decide like oh well this guy got the hits in and he landed on top dad won you know like it wasn't

like the other guy was fully fully done but uh that was that's my father's fight and i i think he kind of regretted it he was like you know that might have been bad decision making to get involved but i was always proud of it like yeah man i'm glad you saved those kids yeah i've never seen my dad get enough i've never seen my dad get in a fight in public ever uh i think i just have one that would be weird i remember imagining that is weird so he retold that story like i forget i was around like his co-workers and uh they were they were roasting him it was so funny he's like oh yeah you keep this up i jump on the hood or i'll jump on the trunk you think i won't dead the doors but uh yeah anyway i thought dad did a good thing you think it's scary to take

woody's tent flap you take his father's tent flap it was a a rain fly. He's too old to win now. Yeah, the rain fly. Man, didn't that turn into a bit of a kerfuffle? I was talking to somebody in the Discord yesterday. They were like, I just watched that. I just watched that clip of Woody threatening Chiz. It's so good. It is funny because the joke falls apart immediately it's

like I knew we just believes on it it's fine I think I don't know if that parts in the video where we're discussing the joke and like setting the joke up I don't know if that's in there but even in there I'm like I'm like this isn't gonna go well I felt bullied. Woody doesn't take small slights well. I guess it is a small slight. In my head, I was just standing up for myself. You don't let yourself get pushed around.

And it didn't look great on film. It didn't look hilarious. But but what in my head it was like because I had previously been like oh guys, I had asked you to like respect my rainfly that's why we did it because you made such a big deal out of it you drape it over

so the rainfly goes on top and the thing about rainflies is if you molest them at all then they stop being waterproof like children you don't yeah yeah yeah i guess so anyway you know you don't like leave it on the ground or whatever and i forget what they had done that made me feel like they were like now my rainfly wasn't gonna work anymore like you know i'll just leave it alone or whatever and uh i left and came back and they had straight up set up what i thought was my rainfly as chiz's doormat and there was like there's trash on it like cigarette butts yeah we had even taken like

wet wipes and like rubbed them in like just the dirt to make it look like shit or something and throw them like these soiled wet wipes on top of it. You're wasting supplies. In my head it was like... How many wet wipes in a box? But in my head it was like, so I had established this thing as important to me and they had established that they were going to...

be abusive towards me and disrespectful. And it was like, I didn't want to be pushed around. It was exactly that. I feel like a prank to me. I don't remember what I said, but I just remember being like,

this ain't going to go well. This ain't going to go well. I think this is going to go from 0 to 60 real quick. I remember as Woody gets back and starts berating. If I recall correctly, the video, I obviously wasn't there. When Woody gets back, if I recall correctly, the video, I obviously wasn't there, when Woody gets back and starts berating Chiz, Kyle, you almost

sit up and cross your legs like Frasier. You're just, I'm just kind of an observer here. I'm just kind of watching. I can get the shit out of both of you! We're just like, man, this is great. In my head, I'm like, if he starts coming over here we'll tell

him but but i think we should keep it going as long as we can i get i get people asking me all the time out of nowhere on twitch uh just being like hey uh any chance you could get woody and kyle to go on another survival trip with you this time so we can see one and i'm like i don't know how many times they've both said they never want to do that ever again. And Kyle particularly. You've got to pay me, man. You've got to pay me again. You've got to pay me.

I misunderstood the deal that last time. We got paid a little bit of money. It was a few thousand dollars each, something like that. It would take another several thousand dollars to get me to do that. I don't know. Five might do it. Five might do it. Five might do it for five days. Five!

For a thousand bucks a day, I would definitely go to the woods. Yeah, I'm going. I think it'd be fun to hang out with you guys in general anyway. Yeah, a grand a day would do it for me. Yeah, we could go out in the woods and we could smoke all kinds of cigarettes. Yeah, we could do it in Colorado. Maybe in October or something.

You know what? That would make it way better. Going to Colorado, a little warmer weather, and then just get stoned as hell in the woods. Is Colorado the high desert? Forgive me, I'm an American, which it's GI. I believe it is because like, I've told her it might be freezing or burning up.

Um, that's one of the mistakes we made last time. And like, it's my fault. It, I remember we were talking about when should we do this? And, uh,

I think I said like November and one of you guys said, no, no, that'll be so cold October. And I was thinking in my head, I was like, Kyle, you've been hunting in October every year of your life. That's, you know, opening of bow season is around October or something like that. And you wear short sleeves because you're so sweaty in the evenings, like 5 PM in the evening when you're like heading toward the deer stand and getting your shit together. I'd be all sweaty by the evenings, like 5 p.m. in the evening when you're like heading toward the deer stand and getting your shit together. I'd be all sweaty by the time I got up in the tree, like hoping that it would cool off when the sun went down. But I didn't say anything. There were so many moving parts and it was like, I was more worried about like Wings of Redemption failing again at making

fire or something like that, whatever was going on at the time that was actually the previous trip but anyway there was there was the gear and there was that sponsor that i hated and there was just all sorts of things going on and i never spoke up again and and like said what no no no it'd be it's hot as fuck here it's not as fuck here in october so we were just stuck out there in october and it is in georg, the humidity is something that I think people from the north don't get if you've never been to the south in the summertime. People from the west. Or in the west. The west especially.

The west is so dry. Like, I've been out in the Arizona desert. 95 degree days. And you're like, it's not so bad. You can put some sunscreen on. We're good. Yeah. Now, Philadelphia summer is pretty much the same as

georgia summer which is a buff it is like i know raleigh and philly it is 10 degrees warmer here in the winter and one degree warmer in the summer there is a lot more upside than downside yeah uh we're talking about these trips i haven't mentioned my motorcycle trip in almost a month i think yeah i'm talking about it uh so for us there's two shows before the trip it's eight days away for the listeners this is the last show before the trip and uh i am i'm it's stupid but i'm a bit of a ball of anxiety about it i'm packing all the time poking away at this list in my head it, it's like a hiking trip. But it's not. We're going from town to town via gravel roads.

Can I jump in real quick? For any listeners who aren't aware, and for Danny's benefit, Woody is going on a cross-country motorcycle trip. Not on the interstate highways, though. He's going back roads and trails and stuff like that. He's been outfitting his motorcycle and training on his motorcycles. And he's got a buddy who's going with him. And it's sort of like,

I don't like that midlife crisis shit. It's like anytime somebody who's 40 or 50 years old does some cool shit, it's a fucking crisis. But it's like a midlife experience or something like that that he's going on. It's a really cool fucking adventure trip that they're doing that I'm jealous of. And yeah, he's been gearing up for months and my question woody is did your buddy get his fucking license his gear and actually learn to ride a motorcycle yet actually

solo trip he has really stepped up in that regard so he has his license he crossed a thousand miles he's been riding his motorcycle loaded with gear i did that recently too but at the time i felt like he was ahead of me like i saw he came over the house came over to the house and uh he's got like cubic feet of stuff he's got all this luggage and you know wrapped on his bike and he's just sort of testing out to make sure it dries well with a load which by the way like i've watched so many YouTubers of people doing this adventure like this one. They all leave the driveway, say, oh my God, this is fucking heavy. My bike doesn't handle right.

I'm going to fall over. And if I do, I can't pick it up and figure out what they can cut, you know, what they don't need. So I'm trying to do that now. I was riding around yesterday with the bike fully loaded and I've got this broken finger. That's an issue. I wonder if I can find... You've been staying off it, though, so that's responsible.

Yeah, you're using those hooks now for lifting. I saw that. Yeah. I saw it, and I was just like, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Click. You didn't like it? I was thinking, like, this is a huge risk.

This is a huge risk for nothing. Woody, what are the mandatory items you have to bring on a cross-country back-road motorcycle trip? If weight is crucial, condoms? Yeah, it's going to be laid by truck stop restrooms the whole way. And him and his buddy, they've been taking too long to get their licenses. They haven't gotten checked for AIDS. No, you plan to pick that up on the trip. Basically, two days of clothes and casual day of clothes.

Two days of clothes? Yeah. And then the idea is you kind of like, you know, like the kind of high performance shirt you'd wear in a gym and just wash that in the sink. High performance shirt. I like that. I don't know what it means, but I like it. Like an underarm.

Do I look like the kind of man that wears... Rash guard. Yeah, a rash guard. A rash guard. High performance shirt. A gi. He'll be wearing a gi during the show. I'm trying to show...

Oh, you're such a finger. So you have to make... You're going to wash them just in sinks and then hang them up. You're not going to make coin-op laundromats part of your destination. Yeah, fungus won't start in until week two. Maybe, right? So I do record the show, and I can imagine where it's like, all right, you know what?

We're going to grab it Thursday, make it a small mileage day, arrive at, like, noon, catch up on laundry, do the show that night. Like, that's the kind of thing I have in my head. But we'll see. But as I'm packing now, I, I have this anxiety. Like it's a hiking trip.

Like if I don't get this right, I'm fucked. Not fucked. There's a fucking Walmart at every town. It's going to be okay. They might be. You could leave with half a tank of gas and you'd be fine. Probably like 150,

200 miles of gas. Uh, probably. What's the range on the bike you know uh about 140 and the reserve light comes on and you've got like 40 miles to fill up maybe okay yeah yeah almost 200 miles so uh um anyway i've got this broken finger i was just showing everybody what that looks like um and hopefully what's happened, I don't know if I talked about it, but this piece here that I'm showing on screen, it's to the top right. You see how there's like a slice through it? It moved. They gave me these instructions like, would he behave? And, you know, you have to go a week to let this thing set

because it wasn't in a particularly bad position but if it moves it could be so I was good I was great I fucking I did nothing nothing I just sat in my guest room

with the blackout curtains surfing the web doing nothing and I saw him the next week and I had all these like questions. I come in with like prepared to get the most out of my meeting with the doctor. And all the questions were arranged around success. And he looked at, I had four x-rays, four new x-rays taken. Three of them look good.

One of them showed that the bone had clearly moved and i'm like well what if we just use the three he's like oh do you want fewer tests were you in charge of covid like is that your plan just and i'm like what if that was wrong could we take it again and he's like if you want but the x-ray is the truth your bone moved and he looked at it and he had made his determination in like less than three seconds he was like and you could read on his face and in his body language and uh i i was like okay okay okay okay look slower looks just take a longer time to look at the x-ray. And I'm like, will that make a difference?

And he's like, no, no. Like, no, this is my whole job. I'm real quick at it, trust me. So this guy is an orthopedic surgeon that specializes in hands, right? And this is a broken pinky. This isn't, like like complicated to him and uh so we start talking about options and what we are and what can i expect and he's like if your bone moves now you're probably mostly fine he's like maybe you don't extend your pinky all the way anymore uh

but he's like i don't have a crystal ball and i don't know when this thing stops moving Uh, but he's like, I don't have a crystal ball and I don't know when this thing stops moving. So I started talking to him about like what kind of movement limitations I have. Like, should I be on my bike? Should I be this? Do you want a quick slip in a surgery before the trip? And, uh, he's like, no, surgery is going to be a bad idea. He's like, your incision will have barely healed in the next two weeks. And he's like, what's going to happen is it's going to start to feel great. You're going to go on this motorcycle and vibrate it and bang it, and it's going to be worse than if you didn't have surgery. I'm like, all right, all right.

And long story short, I see him on Tuesday, and I expect him to say, looks pretty good, and I go on the trip. He might say, you're kind of fucked. Let's just schedule the surgery for after the trip. That could be. We'll see. Tuesday's a big day for me. But that's what's up.

Can I ask this, Woody? When you and your buddy leave in the middle of the night dressed head to toe in leather, are you going to be sharing a hotel room to save costs? I hope not. I would rather have my own hotel room every night and i am too much of a pussy to broach the subject with him just book your own single bedroom boom i hear you yeah i uh i don't know what his plan is like Like, I was going to... You want me to help you? Hey, man, I run this BPAP. It's really loud at night for my snoring, so we should definitely get separate rooms.

I don't want to keep you up at night. Everybody always complains. Every night. Are you good with that? Say that you wet the bed. Hey, man, since the war, I have these night terrors What war? You served?

Oh, I didn't serve, but man, the footage on TV was shit I had to watch that Dating Private Ryan really impacted me When Vin Diesel dies there in the middle of that German road Do you know what incontinent means? Yeah

Hypothetical conversation with my friend. So anyway, so yeah, I leave eight days, I guess. And this should be a pretty big adventure. Someone has mapped out dirt roads from North Carolina, pretty much across the country, and mostly back again. And that's what I'm doing. How long is the longest you think it'll take? Like if there are delays, like, what level of time?

Like, 10 days? 7 days? 8? How long do you think? I think three weeks to go halfway is considered pretty fast, and then the way back has some paved stuff. So, like, I guess I'm... I have an orthodontist appointment on July 8th,

so I want to make that. Otherwise, like, my teeth straightening slows down. July 8th! I've gotten an orthodontist appointment on July 8th, so I want to make that. Otherwise, like, my teeth straightening slows down. July 8th! I've got an orthodontist. Okay, so this is going to be a long-ass trip. Okay, that's longer than I thought. Okay. Oh, yeah, no, it's going to be a bit.

And, uh, um, yeah, and I'm not even positive I'll make that, but that's the goal. And I feel like I could, how long does it take to drive across the country? If you hurry. Two days, three days? Yeah, probably two, two and a half days if you really hurry. It's, it's. Kyle says three. All right. It depends what you mean by drive across.

Like, I went to Phoenix, Arizona. It was definitely a three-day tour for sure. Okay. So I think you could take that and double it because it's a motorcycle and so i'm never more than like six days from home if i'm like all right fuck this dirt road shit i'm exhausted i want to be home yeah i shouldn't be more than six days from home so i you know we'll see we'll play it by ear i hope you like it and you don't get out there and you're like god the bugs and the

you know the traffic well I guess traffic's not going to be a problem on dirt roads a lot of other people have an idea and bugs are never a problem when you're moving but I can be like I can just imagine myself being like you know what three days three flat tires this isn't even

a fun sport I hope that doesn't happen. Yeah, me too. All this run up. It's like going to fucking Six Flags and everything's out of order. That would be awful. You need a $10 soda and that's it. Yeah.

I've been doing a bunch of dirt bike riding. Not the last two weeks or three weeks, I guess. But the idea was that I would get a little more off-road talent because I have very little experience off-road and instead I just broke my hand and got a little experience I guess so it the opposite of off-road talent I discovered my talent level so that's a thing I'm fucked but yeah so I'm super excited about it, and it begins, as you guys are watching this on Saturday, in six days. Nice. Kyle, I've got an article here about your favorite guy, and I didn't realize it was this intense.

You sent me this one? Okay. Well, then, basically, remember when we all laughed at that video from Kevin Spacey when he made the thing right after he gets accused of rape and you know misdeeds by a lot of people he's like pretending to be Mr. Underwood there on the TV and what we're gonna do folks is kill him with kindness as he's like cutting things up apparently since that video aired like a year ago three of his accusers have have died one of them died the day after that video went live where he said we gotta kill him with kindness. And so, what the fuck is going

on here? This seems like too much of a coincidence. Is QAnon correct on this pedophile Hollywood idiocy? Well, we do know that, like, I don't think you have to talk about QAnon shit to know that there's a bunch of pedos in Hollywood.

Definitely. Definitely. That's known. That's why when a rapist comes out, all these other people who have been in the industry for 30 years are like, everyone knew. Everyone knew. And it's like, oh, okay. And now you're going to hit the hashtag and you've known for 25 years. Very cool.

What pedos, aside from Kevin Spacey, have been in Hollywood? I mean, so many of the producers you hear about, the Weinstein shit, and Weinstein wasn't the only one. Was he a pedo, though? Weinstein was in my head. I just thought they were all adults. By pedo, I shouldn't say pedo. I mean, like, sexual misconduct, rape, coercion into sex, things like that. There's a ton of that that goes on.

Those in Hollywood are called fringe benefits. That's the way they literally see it that's the way harvey weinstein or whoever whatever his name is as a casting director i make a quarter million and 33 fucks a year yeah you gotta oh you want to be fucking in this movie suck my dick i know i'm fat and horrific but you got to come up to my hotel room and do it. But Kevin Spacey doesn't even bother with that. Just, you know, eliminating the problem at the source, apparently, Kevin Spacey is. With three years, or one year, three people who accused him died. That's so bizarre. Fucking weird.

I'm reading it right now. He laid on top of a 14-year-old in a penthouse. That's pretty pedophilic. I'm not sure what your definition is. It's true. That's true. So, yeah, that's pedophilic. Kyle, do you know you're muted?

I don't know that. I don't. A 14-year-old showed up for an adult fucking party and is, like, drinking at his home. And then, like, after everybody left leaves he stays behind and goes to kevin spacey's bedroom and kevin spacey quote-unquote lays on top of him just trying to keep young man warm all right you know it was a heroic act and why see winters i mean look look i don't care what he did to that 14-year-old quote-unquote young man, okay?

I want my favorite actor back. I want the guy from Seven back. I want the guy from The Usual Suspects back. Oh, he's so good in The Usual Suspects. I want fucking American Beauty back. I want that guy back, all right? And now they've got him. You saw the movie.

I sent you that thing, the movie he's doing next. It's awful that he's doing some sort of independent italian film that's about an actor framed framed for pedophilia that's his next project is it really i'm not making that up he thinks dot thou protests too much kevin spacey look if you had been framed for pedophilia you would also be protesting remember the scene in Seven where he makes a dude fuck a hooker to death with a razor dildo? Yeah. Yeah, he constructs himself.

I wonder if that was the fate of any of his accusers. God, I hope not. That was a horrible scene in that movie. He's like all spitting and Morgan Freeman or whoever it was. Maybe it's Brad Pitt who's in that room at the time asking him what he had to do. He's like, spitting and like Morgan Freeman or whoever it was. Maybe it's Brad Pitt who's in that room at the time asking him what he had to do.

And he's like, I had to f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f- go my friend you know go straight to one of those asylums reagan shut down just start living there okay so you don't think there's anything untoward here you think it's kyle you think this is kevin brilliant actor being framed no i think he did that shit um but i also think there's a difference for me i think there's a difference between the sexes um i know that's a shocker but uh i think there's a big difference between ke Spacey flirting or getting a little handsy with a 14-year-old girl versus a 14-year-old man. Not a 14-year-old man. Man. 14-year-old kid.

I mean, a gay 14-year-old kid who's at Kevin Spacey's apartment late at night drinking beers. He can't drive himself home. He's the oldest kid at middle school. How did he get there? I don't know. Where were his parents? Probably his dad. His dad probably oldest kid at middle school. When did he get there? I don't know. Where were his parents? Probably his dad. His dad probably wanted that Kevin's, he wanted some of that

usual suspects money. Michael Jackson? No, he gave his kid away. Yeah, like the alleged Michael Jackson scenario. That could be it. Because this kid was absolutely not there of his own volition. He wasn't like, oh, I can't wait. Oh, you know what I want to do? I want to get molested by a guy who's a movie star in movies that I'm too young to even familiarize. Taylor has just robbed this individual of all of his agency the fuck taylor

i'm gonna you know crucify me but i think what he did was wrong i don't think i don't think he should have laid hands uh sexually on that 14 year old boy i think i don't think he did lay hands sexually on him i think he just kind of laid on top of him on a bed when they're both drinking. I've laid on top of Woody in a bed. There was nothing sexual about it. Yeah, but you didn't rape him. Neither did Kevin Spacey. Well, that's actually true.

Well, I don't know. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody knows. He admitted to getting handsy in there with this kid on the bed. You think he would admit to any more? No. I mean, he wasn't accused of any more, right? I'm I don't know.

I don't know. I didn't read the whole. I opened it up and my mind was made. Well, my mind was very easily made up because I know what side Kyle's going to take. I just don't care what Kevin Spacey did to anybody. I want Kevin Spacey back. I don't care if he raped those boys with that gadget from Seven. Okay?

I don't care if he fucked them to death. I want Kevin Spacey back. It is. It's a murder. It's a murder. And I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care because he's a fantastic actor. I'm so bummed out about House of Cards.

I get that it wasn't as good in the second season. It was going down anyway. Dude. Season 1, let's see, season 1 is a 9 out of 10. Season 2 is a 7 out of 10. Season 3 is like a 6.5 out of 10. Still a strong fucking show. What season is it when he's fucking his bodyguard or his secret service?

That's like season one, right? That came so out of left field. I loved it. It came so out of left field, and it's just like, whoa. All right, there's a whole thing going on here. I was so impressed with Frank Underwood that i wanted to get his rower the water one oh yeah and it's he wasn't even in shape i don't know why i chose him as a fitness like um i'm not looking for model and like a mentor right but you know he's just there pulling on that fucking

water-based rower and i'll you know that's what i need you know that was a good show for the first couple seasons when uh and then i think the last season they switched the whole thing right did they did they ever end up making the last season where they made it and it's awful they made it and it is like like that's what i was getting at like the whole numbers out of 10 thing the last season is a one out of 10 like it's abysmal the last season they kill Frank off screen. They're just like, oh yeah, Frank died. And it was like, whoa, last season ended with a cliffhanger where Frank had trusted, had made his wife the president of the United States. Like she was like his VP. That's that, that was what happened. It was really cool. He runs for president and makes his wife the VP.

And then he's, the plan is like, hey, they finally caught up to me with all my misdeeds but i can just um resign and my wife becomes president and she just uh what's it called when you uh he's gonna be a marionette kind of right to pardon pardon well she she pardons him she pardons him and then and like what was actually what was going to happen was that was gonna be up in the air. Will Claire pardon Frank? What does she want from him in return? Is she going to let Frank hang? That's what the season should have been about.

But instead it's like, yeah, Frank died. He's dead now. And Doug, the balding guy who was Frank's number one, he's got all this evidence against Claire. And he's out in the desert in a van and he's going crazy. And Claire's pregnant and she's a pregnant president.

And that's the main... Yeah, at 50. Yeah, sure. Seems unlikely. It does seem unlikely. She's dried up for sure. Still a very handsome woman. And audiences hated this

season 20 i'm with them you know what's interesting new topic tv wise jeff bezos owner of washington post kind of liberal enemy of trump just bought the apprentice oh wow what's he gonna do with it just like start the show up again? Well, so what he really did is he bought MGM, which owns The Apprentice. So he has this large portfolio. But what's interesting is there are supposed to be these Apprentice outtakes that have Trump saying like racist shit. In particular, he drops an N-bomb and he uses the R slur. What's the R one? You say that all the time.

Yeah. Why did you acronym that to not say it? That's how it was when I read it. Is there a new one? Am I behind? That's how they described the word in the article I read. So, I mean, I don't know. I followed it.

But I wonder, like, does that, how much does that hurt Trump? To me, that's baked into the cake. Like, maybe seeing him literally use the N-word would be extra bad. I don't think anybody gives a shit at this point. He's not even, like, in the public, like, every, I haven't seen him. He's going to run for president again, he says. You didn't see, look, I saw him. So, I saw him on, sean hannity i think did

an interview with him the other day the other day i mean like month and a half two months ago maybe i'm fucking biased okay i try not to be i really do with trump like like i i try i feel like i've been pretty pretty straight down the line with like hating a lot of the things he did but but on some things, it's like, come on, that was a good one, right? It was a good one, right? Kept us out of war. Who's done that lately? Kept us out of war, man. Kept those gas prices low. I sent you that little meme the other day. It's like, I could sure go for

a mean tweet and $1.87 gasoline right now. It's just like, yeah, yeah. If Trump were the president right now, you'd have mean tweets cheap gasoline and you know this covid thing would be wrapping up still anyway like like the groundwork was laid by trump so um but but but yeah i thought he came off pretty well in hannity um he can't did he talk about running for president again uh he's raising money for it i assumed he was

gonna raise a bunch of money and then not run. He spoke a lot about Republican strategy. And it's like when you hear Trump speak off the cuff, he seems like he doesn't know anything. That he's just speaking in generalisms. Just like, ah, yeah, we got to be strong on the border. Okay, well, what does that mean nuts and bolts wise? Ah, it means strength. And it's like, yeah, but exactly how many billions need to be spent and how does that money need to be allocated

and which departments need to be funded first so that you know there's a cascade of money and and you know you know you want your department heads all working together and strength you know like he doesn't know what he's fucking talking about but in but he was talking about republican strategy and it was like oh yeah well well this guy from this state this guy from this state if you look at the polling data and they must have coached him or had a lot of editing they must that might be the area where he's straight where he's really good because he that's possible and i don't even want to admit it oh okay yeah because i'm if there's a thing that i'm like he won the presidency you know like like and he won it with fewer votes, which you could use as a knock or you could say like it was a hard needle to thread and he did it anyway.

And, you know, like he is good at politics, at getting people to like him. He's a natural there. What was I going to say? Oh, but sometimes when i listen to trump talk about strategy this frustrates me it's like listening to mark hamill talk about star wars you know what we should do with star wars what the fans really want is for them to cgi me as a master swordsman like they do yoda doing crazy fucking flips saving everybody's lives star wars should be about me me me me we'll spend three quarters of it talking about me because that's what fans love.

Luke Skywalker. It's the Luke Skywalker series. It's all about Mark Hamill. That's what people want. This new thing sucks. We got these new characters. What if I said, you know what PKA should be about? Hear me out, boys.

We're going to do PKA. Make this show better. First hour, Lifeguard Stories by Woody. Second hour, Rags to Riches academically by Woodyody second hour rags to riches academically by woody third hour uh i don't know fucking paramotor recent flights by woody and then the fourth hour recap of everything else fourth hour we'll introduce the other characters a little bit but mostly it's about woody giving them advice that's what pka should be that's mark hamill talking about star wars That's Donald Trump

Giving political advice Everyone needs to pay fealty to me Everybody needs to get in line Then we can win this thing I thought you guys both wanted more of Mark Hamill Not me, no no I've always dogged Hamill for saying it should be about Mark Hamill

It should be all about Mark Hamill Could you see Trump's face? Has he lost weight since he left office? Yes. I should have bet on that because I think we all agreed. By the way, the fan base of Star Wars agrees that it should have been more Mark Hamill. I am the fan base of Star Wars, too. You're a tiny, tiny portion of the fan base of Star Wars.

Star base. The star base of Star Wars. Star Base! The star base of Star Wars, commanded by WizGamerTac, is but a small installation in the Empire. Okay? Ray is a dumb fucking character who I never gave a shit about. That fucking brooding loser with his, like, fake fit body. Remember when he had that shirtless picture and he has to pull his pants up above his belly button so he looks fit? Oh, yeah. Rilo is the person he's talking about. Rilo Kin or whatever the fuck

his name is. He's got that shirtless picture of him where they have to pull his pants up above his belly button so he actually looks fit. He's weird shaped. This guy could be an Auschwitz and still have a 40 inch waist. Oh my god. This is so funny. I had not

seen this still. Literally, his pants are up to his sternum almost. Taylor, share the picture. I want to show it to people. Oh, damn it. You have to scroll down to see on this article. But you can see him there.

And Taylor, before it becomes too late late I got a suggestion I got a request oh my god this is awful scroll down do you remember the famous clip of Donald Trump and Billy Bush getting off

the tour bus and talking about pussy I think everyone does lots of people talk about it still can me and you please do an improv right now we're rolling up to a club filled with black people and retards oh christ i don't know if i don't know if that would work uh like i mean i'm good with the retard part i don't know where you're gonna go with the black people part i've seen some of your some of your videos i don't know racist lots of people tell me I'm racist. I'm not.

I've fucked lots of black women. Some of them agreed to it. Yeah. Black women? This place we're rolling up to you right now. It's got a lot of guys with drool rolling down their faces too, Donster. Do you think that if Trump admitted to being kind of gay it would have got him out of things if he was like

I'm a Hollywood guy. I've had lots of threesomes, sometimes with men. I mean, believe you me, I'm the first president to suck a dick. I've done it. I've been in Hollywood for 40 years. What am I, some prude? I've done this. I'm talking to you right now, Anderson Cooper.

You know what happened in 2006. Don't pretend we don't. I'm the gayest president ever since Lincoln. Maybe gayer than Lincoln. That's how he would insult. He'd be like backwards insult. I'm even gayer than the gayest president, Barack Obama. He tried to be

as gay as he could be. Not even close. I'm much gayer. Lincoln slept with dudes all the time, but they say he wasn't gay. There were fewer beds at the time. Wait, is that true okay he shared sleeping arrangements with men because it was pioneer days is that no but he was he was the president he had beds it wasn't always he wasn't always the president though ah that's that is true uh it didn't consider that. Is that a

history deep dive? Do some people think that Lincoln was gay or bi? I've never heard that. I didn't make it up. Some people say he's gay but I think that the truth is that. It's not weird for guys to share beds at a time when materials were harder to come by.

That's good for the title. There's only one bed in the county. We've got to share beds at a time when materials were harder to come by that's good for the title there's only one bed in the county we've got to share i wish we could uh hear recordings of um of what they sounded like like the founding fathers you know have you ever heard that record that old school recording of like george washington carver it's like so old and his voice is like really high and tinny and weird yeah so either there is so they know what um lincoln sounded like i remember when i was reading up on daniel day lewis's portrayal of him and lincoln um i don't remember how they knew it was either by a description or yeah it would have to be because you know they know audio recording equipment in 1860s. But but he had a high pitched voice. It was pretty high.

And so like Daniel Day-Lewis, his portrayal was like based on that, based on that description of of Lincoln's voice. Lincoln was gay. Is that a picture of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell on your shirt? Oh, yeah. It's the YouTubers Nelk, their company Full Send. They mailed me out this shirt, among others. And this guy is a bodybuilder,

Brad Martin, who's just their friend. And they just photoshopped his face onto Donald Trump. And then the other couple is Epstein and Maxwell. And just any shirt with Epstein on it, I'm in. I'm in.

Yeah. I mean, I'm in also. You know what's really not cool? Twitch removed, this is like a year ago, they removed all of my Epstein emotes. I had a bunch of Epstein emotes, a bunch of Trump emotes. They got rid of all of them. I got banned off Twitter.

I just got booted permanently off Twitter for a joke. It was nothing. It's not even a funny story. I was in Denver, snowed in. I hate Denver, by the way,'s not even a funny story i was in denver snowed in i hate denver by the way but that's a side story snowed in for three days in the airport staying in a days in with my camera guy sharing a bed so at 3 p.m on our second day of being snowed in i just tweet i'm going to beat the shit out of at nico villresces, my camera guy. Send him the tweet. He reads it. Fuck you, dude. Don't think anything else of it. And then three months later, I go on Twitter. I

have zero followers. I'm following zero people. And it's told to me that I've been banned for a threat of violence. So I appeal it. I say, look, go to this Twitter profile in his bio. It says filmer for at Danny Mullen. He might've even replied to the tweet. Like, ah, I'm going to fucking rape your mom, dude. LOL. It's very clear. It was horseplay, but I appealed it an appeal that took about 14 days, by the way, they're not too on their business over there at Twitter. And, uh, the appeal result was, yeah, we looked at it. It still violates our violence policy. We're not going to restore your account.

That's so stupid. They selectively enforce those rules constantly. That's ridiculous. Yeah, it's fucked your lane. You can still be able to be a shithead online. I'm fully in favor of people being shitheads online. Abley shared a bed with a dude for four years. Military school? What was the context here uh he was a handsome youth and store owner joshua speed in springfield illinois they shared a bed for four years not necessarily in those

frontier days the sign of a smoking gun, only messy male housekeeping. Nevertheless, four years is a long time to be fairly uncomfortable. It's so long to share a bed with the guy. And the best part is like some of us are picturing our own beds. Oh, this is a bullshit bed. This was some real bullshit bed.

If it was a twin, then they were millionaires. It was just a burlap sack full of leaves it's a tiny tiny frontier bed and if you think about it his wife mary todd is the perfect beard because she was a psycho and i think she was fat or something i speculated on that last part she was definitely crazy made that part up yeah i don't she might have been very think she was fat or something. I speculated on that last part. She was definitely crazy. I thought you made that part up. Yeah, I don't know.

She might have been very trim. She was definitely fucking nuts. And they had no romantic relationship, which is the perfect cover. Mary Todd Lincoln. Well, the great emancipator will not be besmirched on my watch. I mean. Well, hold on. Let's see.

Let's find. I apologize, Kyle. Google young. You know how much I care about civil rights. And yeah, maybe it'll be like a Hillary Clinton thing. Maybe she'll be hot when she's see. Let's find apologize Kyle Google young know how much I care about civil rights and yeah, maybe it'll be like a Hillary Clinton thing Maybe I should be hot when she's young look at this bed She was kind of hot But then there's I remember those stories from that lady who went to high school or went to college with her and Bill Her hygiene being awful a Mary Todd's fat as shit Kyle. Fuck you

She's awful dude. She is awful. I remember one time I lost an argument about hottest first ladies. And I don't know if I ever covered my side of this, like, is that retrospective? But they said that Melania Trump was the hottest first lady ever. And without evidence, I was like, can't be. Right. And here's where my headspace was. These are presidents of

the united states right arguably the biggest winners on planet earth right in the solar system these are the biggest fucking winners that there are they must pull some fucking good tail right the biggest winners like middleweight champion of the UFC or something like that. You ever see GSP's wife or girlfriend? No. Every time GSP's with a woman, it's like, oh my god. And Woody, I will also say that we weren't a world power until after World War II. So if you were Grover Cleveland, I don't think you were knocking down the best pussy in the planet.

Okay, but that was where my headspace was. I was like, you know these guys are winners in the same way that like jeff bezos or bill gates is a winner and then you know they're gonna get tailed out of their own league at least physically and uh oh and by the way the stipulation was not present time right that we're gonna measure the first wives at the first wives peak turns out most of these chicks are like below average. Like it. Yeah, there are not a lot

of hot first wives. Jackie O clearly qualifies. Melania Trump does. And then it falls off a cliff. Look at this. Look at this article. It is so funny that they put Michelle Obama above Melania Trump.

Michelle did they? Number one. Melania. Oh, did they? Number one Melania Trump. Oh my God. The author of this doesn't even believe this. Oh my God. No one believes that. Like, are you retarded? No, you're just pandering.

But like the interesting ones, first of all, Jackie Kennedy, like incredible peripheral vision. Her eyes are so far apart. She's prettier in my mind. I wonder if that's a bad picture number four if i'm wrong you brought up uh uh grover cleveland because francis cleveland is on number four okay quite a drop off which really shows the caliber of first ladies we're working with here also i i don't know if they do the same rule set, which is their peak, right? Because, like, Nancy Reagan might have been a freaking piece of ass at 21. Also, women just age horribly.

And I'm not talking about them getting chronologically older. I'm talking about go find a 22-year-old from the 70s and she's not attractive. Fuck the 90s and she's not attractive to our eyes anymore. Just the way that makeup and hairstyle and clothing changes so if we go back to 1821 it's going to be a disaster even if her bone structure is angelic and you can't tell what's going on the hats are so big the hairs yeah taft's girl looks kind of hot actually yeah i'm looking at helen i just thought it was i just thought it was obvious that melania trump would be the hottest first lady because you know she was a professional pretty person for a living like that's what she did was she was a model um and also um she was a

billionaire's wife not a politician's wife who they usually pick those ladies for other things other than their appearance especially in like the modern era. Like, um, JFK's wife was an attractive woman, but his girlfriends were fucking super hot. Like they all were. Marilyn Monroe. I don't think she was the hottest one. Um,

there was that one chick who was like, um, she's Swedish or, uh, I can't remember. I think I'm not positive about this, but I think that in her time, Marilyn Monroe was like that era's version of perfect.

I've talked before about how like Christy Brinkley was my teenage version of perfect. If you would look at her now, you'd be like, this chick has no ass. You have to have a banging ass to be a 2020 hottie. That's what I'm saying, Woody. That's my point, that the standards of Marilyn Monroe's era

don't hold up now. Carmen Electra was the chick when I was a kid, and now you go follow Carmen Electra on Instagram, she's got a fraction of the followers of like some 22 year old community college student with an ass job. Oh sure, Carmen Electra's like 50 now. But like prime Carmen

Electra, I don't, is she still hot? Because prime Christy Brinkley, I think she would not Prime Carmen Electra is incredibly hot. Yeah, I can see that my point wasn't too strong They're what is crazy crazy crazy hot Prime Michelle Obama Talk about prime Michelle Obama you know when she played fullback at

Ole Miss I'm getting a chub over here man stop talking about prime Michelle Obama the hottest first lady of all time it's hard because I'm looking at prime Carmen Electra on my screen right now I'm not sharing it because she's playboy model but

it's all photoshopped so I don't know what to make of it like you need candid somehow of her and i'm you go to award shows that should do it um but but yeah super super super hot model celebrity hot um for for a decade you haven't necessarily having a stroke super hot model celebrity hot super a decade. Are you having a stroke? Super hot model celebrity hot. Super hot. Super fucking hot. But if you compare it to George Bush's wife, who's like Laura Bush,

like, I don't know, she's the hottest mom at like the bake sale maybe, you know, at an enterprise. I grabbed this one because it shows her ass. But I think she's super hot i think that by 2020 standards that ass is not woody woody this is a great ass this is i agree ass i agree the no no no let me let you finish you're being misled by the pants though like like clearly her her her

calves aren't this big around right like like Like she's wearing pants that do not accentuate her ass. No, I can see that. And I'm with you. But I would. I think that today people look for more ass than this. Am I off? You think I'm off target on that? I do.

In the 90s, the thing was like sickly skinny. It seemed like. And that has gone out of vogue where now it's more. You're not wrong, but I don't like your negative connotation they were I'll show it's hot alright do you remember that comparison Kyle that like the different female

body types and like which one and I think you and I were like I think I even went curvier than you and Woody was like that one number four and it's like the 11 11-year-old boy? No! Skinny as can be, like a rail. Yeah, that was the style when I grew up.

Kyle, did you pull up just now pictures of Prime, Carmen Electra? Yeah. One thing I will say about her is she strikes me at least as being facially natural which I feel like today the hottest chicks all have work done on their face so it does feel like jerking off in a time capsule looking back on Carmen Electra even in her prime here now it's all the same Persian guys in Beverly Hills doing the same surgeries and it makes for really knockout beautiful girls. But there's this homogenous nature to all the top hot chicks you see on Instagram or in Hollywood. And Carmen Electra looks like she's pre that trend.

Also, with the Instagram celebrity, there's so much Photoshop and face tuning. I should say Photoshop sort of old school that like these people look not just face tuning. It should say. Photoshop, sort of old school. Not just face tuning. It hits the body, it hits everything. People look so different in different situations. Girls who are just fucking unachievably smoking hot, and then you catch them without the filters, and it's like, oh, they actually look like regular pretty people. Just looking up, trying to find a list of the ugliest first ladies and like

there's no sources obviously but i want in i want in on this i found a forum called the boxing scene and it's a boxing forum and in the non-boxing discussion there's something called is michelle obama the ugliest first lady of all time in this non boxing area and it is unbelievably racist to these boxing fans talking all the comments are from 2011 just and it's like I'm clicking on people's profiles and it's like every other

comment is like Packy I was like you know top three goat don't even come at me bro you're a fucking idiot if you disagree and then I'll be like Michelle Obama looks like a it's like what are you that's something happening in your mind right now yeah for him i don't even know how to go ahead danny you want to say oh no i would i would say it's impressive double think going on they love a little filipino man but they hate a big black woman yeah it's hard to describe michelle obama and and you have to be so sensitive about it. But like, from the neck

down, she's one of the hotter first ladies, right? Really? It's not a tall order to say that. Kyle's giving us the eyebrow. I'm going to pull up the body. Who's the George H.W. Bush's wife? What was her name? Barbara.

Maud or something? Yeah, and Barbara Bush is an example where i was like all right so clearly we saw her with gray hair post-menopausal yada yada yada what does prime her look like because like even hw was the son of a senator he was rich from the day he was born rich and powerful as he's king joffrey as a fucking child so he must have pulled a hot piece of tail right no barbara bush did not peak high so i think i you know what i think happens with these senators sons and politicians in general is the woman they marry they marry for her connections almost like it's medieval times and you, you need to marry the,

the princess of Belgium or some shit so that you've got the little influence over there. I think they're, they're, they're marrying more for connections and influence and, and, and that sort of thing. Their girlfriends are the hot ones.

Yeah. I bet George, George HW had some really hot girlfriends. Yeah. I have a buddy. Totally true. By the way, Kyle, I have a buddy who's really high up in the Manhattan banking scene. And he says, if you have too hot of a girlfriend, it becomes a distraction at networking events. If you're just bringing around some bimbo, who's a hairdresser or a stripper, it's going to raise eyebrows and it's going to lower your social credibility oh so you want a properly hot girlfriend exactly doesn't play by those rules donald trump i don't think donald trump ever worried that someone thought his girl was too hot

no no never he he he got off on that walking in and being like all these politicians are jealous as hell right now look at these frumpy fat bitches. Remember the inauguration where it's him and his wife and Pence and his wife, and Pence's wife is like 40, 50 pounds overweight and like 5'4 or something like that. I don't know how

tall Melania Trump is, but she's tall. Most models are tall. She's really fucking tall, which makes sense because that Baron Trump kid is going to be a fucking seven footer, it looks like. Mike Pence has the best hair in the game. It looks great.

It's attractive to bugs. It just looks great. To bugs? Why? Because it's so bright? Because a fly landed on him. During the debate, a house fly came and landed in the, like, and he has really gray hair. So it just stood out and stayed there for a while.

Yeah. It's the only interesting thing that happened in that debate. I didn't watch it. The VP debates always suck. The VP debates always fucking suck. Mike Pence said, like, six things over the course of four years. And one of them was, like, right before Me Too got big, he's like, don't make fun of me

for not going to dinner with single women. I'm being careful. And everybody's like, fucking brood, dumb bitch, and then suddenly just a cavalcade, an avalanche. And he's just sitting at home with his fat wife like, oh, oh, oh, oh,

for me? I want a video of Peds doing that. But yeah, Me Too guy is huge and he looks like a genius. It's absolute kryptonite to anyone who would lie. I saw this big news story. Somehow I got linked to this thing from Australia. It was Australian news. And I guess that there was, during the Me Too thing at its height, there were a lot of these Australian celebrities being accused.

And like three of them, it turned out like, no, they were vindicated. They ended up winning defamation suits against their accusers. But the damage was still done. You know, like these people, these people's names have been drug through the mud. And and this news story was following that. And they had one of the guys who'd been accused and he was talking about how he was suicidal and thinking about killing himself just to spare his family the embarrassment of the false allegations. And then they had this undercover footage of the interview where the woman is accusing him and she's being coached by the interviewers. They're like, no, no, no,

maybe say it like this. Maybe say, I think what we really want to focus on is that their position of power is what kept you silent. Okay? Okay? Ooh, that's skeevy. And they go, all right, and action. So what would you say was the reason why women in your situation don't speak up more? And she's like, well, you know, the power that they have, it really keeps us silent. Cut, cut.

The power and the influence. We really want to focus on the power. Is this a movie they're filming? Or an interview? And at one point, one of the people who's a journalist actually says, maybe we shouldn't be putting words in her mouth. And they're like, shut up, Dave! And they continue

faking this interview. Accusing this guy of some sort of mis... I don't know whatever did he get did he get uh justice out of it did they go like hey you're clearly bullshitting you can't do this i mean after months and months of dragging his name through the mud okay so after his life is ruined and after his life is ruined and after like all word association with his name from now until eternity is going to be rapist or molester or something like that. The damage has been done. It's fucking Terry Shivo. He married Terry Shivo. I don't think

either of them were ready for this photo to be taken. Dude, he looks handsome to me. He's a good looking guy. Looks like he's halfway into a blink. He has the face of a middle schooler. Wait, who the fuck is this again? George H. W. Bush. Oh, that's cute.

This is before he was in the CIA. He looks vampiric. He's handsome. Very strong bone structure. She's fucking ugly, is what she is. She looks like there's something wrong with her. Why does she have her head like that? She looks like she was at the school for malformed young women or something

like that like like like she looks literally retarded like this is like this looks like a little touch of down syndrome or something hey i got a game we could play right now i got a game we could play right now and i already know the winner who is the sexiest male president in his prime jfk nope probably jfk would be my wait wait no wait wasn't gerald ford like uber super athlete or something he was he was he was he was a he was a uh football player football player what did gerald ford look like but but he wasn't a handsome man he looked like Jughead. I know the fucking answer. I'm sticking with JFK.

You know, young Gerald Ford looks pretty fucking good. Old Gerald Ford doesn't look good, but we're not talking about that. Yeah, look at this. Here. Perfect. By the way, it wasn't just JFK fucking Marilyn Monroe. His brother was fucking her, too. Everybody was getting some of that. I don't know what this article's about,

but there's a little picture in there of him, number 48. Yeah, you can see it. That's Gerald Ford as... Very handsome man. Yeah, see? I'm surprised I thought of him. But if I just thought of him, there have to be other ones. I was wrong.

Yeah, I was wrong. Wow, he looks like a fucking... He's a solid pick. I'm shocked that they... Who is that? That's FDR, bitch. That's fucking Franklin Delano Roosevelt. FDR looks like the poster child for white supremacy.

Dude, he looks like he'd be in an acne commercial or something about white strips. Yeah, yeah. He looks like a modernly good-looking guy. He doesn't look antiquated hot. He looks like a dude who would be walking a bimbo down Melrose Boulevard. The hair is so good. I know.

He is clearly better than JFK. Yeah. You definitely won this. He looks tremendous. I'm going to agree with you, and it's because JFK had those acne scars. You ever see that? You ever notice he's got a little pockmark thing going on? Mm-mm.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, this was my contest, so it was a little loaded. But yeah, little known fact. FDR was a fucking 10 out of 10 while he was at Harvard. I think everybody there was handsome. I want to see the rest of these men. That black dude next to him, very handsome man.

Although, hey, take a look at this. We were talking about FDR's hair. Look at the guy who is bottom center. All you can see is the top of his head. That must be a coach. That's got to be a coach or something, right? That's got to be a coach for sure. They'd be chanting stuff about him at the stadium nowadays.

I googled this topic, and they said that guy is the hottest, Franklin Pierce. That's what it says number one here. It's on hottestheadsofstate.com. Based on a painting? Based on a goddamn painting that he commissioned? And that's as good as it looks? I have this theory about people's profile pictures on dating websites. Like, sometimes you'll see a picture and you'll be like, that's kind of borderline.

She's cute. But you've got to stop and be like wait wait this is the best picture she could muster with all of the free time in the world to take pictures of herself this is the best image of herself she could muster the real her is an abomination if she's borderline in these pictures is that's what i think about this guy's disadvantage to not putting your best that's what i think about this guy's disadvantage to not putting your best foot forward did i say that yeah i said that right like do you always want to show like what if you're actually an 8 out of 10 but one day one time you looked kind of 10 out of 10 is that the picture you use or absolutely it's the picture

yeah for sure for sure okay because like i don't know i've met people updating websites and i get there i'm like you know your picture was let's say an eight out of ten you're a seven out of ten well like wow your personality is so much better in person i don't i don't i don't care that you've got like a laugh line you're fucking cool i like you like i think getting there to the in-person part is the important thing Mm-hmm. That's why I only use fake pictures entirely just completely different individual This website hottest heads of state comm has a tremendous amount of Justin Trudeau fanfiction So if you just Justin Trudeau's a handsome man, it's true

You know he looks like he looks a lot like Fidel Castro isn, he looks a lot like Fidel Castro. Isn't that weird? A lot like Fidel Castro, eh? Yeah. He looks a lot like Fidel Castro. Huh. Is there something I'm missing there? Yeah, it was like,

there's like a... Theory? Theory that his mom slept with Fidel Castro. Holy shit. That's why he looks like Fidel Castro. That would explain the brown face thing he did. Would he get excused for that if he were half Cuban? Yeah, sure. Let's see.

Of course, Fidel Castro is Justin Trudeau's dad. That's the title of it. He does look a lot. Look at his nose. He does look a lot like Fidel Castro. Come on. Anything that comes out of this website is garbage after their hottest president's list.

Oh, Medium? I'm pretty sure anyone can write here. I'm pretty sure I could make an account and just start... That should be a bit. That would be so... Just spread totally fake, dangerous diet advice or just something. you can't do that on

the internet no certainly not no people aren't saying they eat only meat you know for that's the that's the weirdest diet trend carnivore diet yeah the carnivore diet and then like seeing otherwise serious health people take it take it seriously i back that it's really interesting that when you eat all meat it's like okay so there's no fiber in your diet you're not getting any sort of variety like that's you know you know we're omnivores right like yeah we are i don't know man i used to have really bad acne in college and it was body acne and it sucked because that was my meathead phase and i would go spend three hours in the gym and i had a physique, but I could never take my shirt off because I had all these red blotches and these horrible cystic acne spots on me.

So I would go out and lay in the sun and get sunburned because of sunburn. No, I was just on every supplement. You could buy a GNC plus Panda Express and meatball subs all day. You could buy a GNC plus Panda Express and meatball subs all day. But I would actually go get myself sunburned because that would lead to a temporary receding in the acne. And then I could go to a fucking pool party with my chest puffed out and get laid and not be self-conscious. I needed help on my acne. No creams were working.

Nothing over the counter. Tea tree oil. Tried that. Didn't work but when i finally some asian guy with incredible skin put up a 20 video like the internet's version of a late night infomercial now that's that's constant the pre-roll ads on youtube it was one of those and it was a 20 pdf you could download on a diet that would cure your acne and the basis of it was get rid of bread, get rid of dairy, get rid of anything that's not meat, vegetables, or fruit. And I've been on that diet on and off since my college days in 2013. And my acne, whenever I'm on it strictly, goes away and my

skin is flawless. How old are you though? 31. That's when my acne went away but it just i have spells kyle will i'll be with my girlfriend and we're getting mexican food and burgers and just eating shit food and right away my skin will respond and now body acne yeah it's all body back shoulders chest yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean i had really bad acne acne starting when I was maybe 15 until I was like late 20s for sure. And it was really – I would take three showers a day just trying to – my skin was so oily when I was like 19, 20. Like I would get up, take a shower, and I would be in a meeting, and I would like touch my face, and it was just like a pool of oil. Like there was just greasy. Like I just rubbed grease on my face. I was so oily. I was always using those fucking Stridex pads to like just try to mop the grease off my goddamn face. It was awful. But that all kind of went away at 27. I'll get some on my shoulders a little bit,

and on my back occasionally, like one or two. But like nothing, no big deal anymore. It almost never on my face. One or two on the back, that's just sport. You get to pop those, it's entertaining. I had it so bad when I got off my diet, there was a time in 2016 where I would get not only acne, but really bad hives too. When I would wake up at 2 or 3 a.m. and have to take a scalding shower because water that was 120 or 130 degrees is all that would reduce the itching. Probably not. I'm exaggerating. 506. But yeah, dude, elimination diet.

That's what I did. I got rid of all the carbs and everything, fruit and vegetables and meat. There's some science around your body not responding well to – I'm fucking this up. Hypoglycemic food, something like that. It's the carb stuff, the potatoes, the breads, the rice. That stuff can give people acne. Your skin looks really good now, by the way, Kyle. Really good, man.

Thank you. Although if you look at anything, if you look at what causes acne, the list will be so goddamn long that after you're like, okay, so what do I eat, like vanilla pudding? Well, not vanilla pudding. Yeah, sugar. Oh, I mean, just unsweetened pudding. Can I put some flavors in there at all?

Oh, you don't want any artificial flavors in your diet. It's just like. You know what? Move over, carnivore diet. You want to lose weight the water diet the water diet yeah it's it's it's just water how much well not too much don't go overboard that'll really make you break out yeah yeah i don't know acne sucks acne sucks it'll fuck up your self-esteem um i used to like i don't know i would i can remember one time um this girl wanting me to come over to her house when i was uh 17 or 18 but i had just done my my

like friday you know friday night i would be like all right time to pop all the pimples yeah and on monday i'll have healed up so that i don't look ridiculous you know because you would look forward to Friday night. You would love Friday night, huh? I hated Friday night because I've got to pop all these goddamn pimples and blackheads on my face. There'd be so many. That's fun, though. And so, like, Friday night, I'm in there.

I've popped, like, eight pimples on my face. My face is all red and puffy, and there's, like, sores, and I'm, like, dabbing them with, like, alcohol pads, and I look awful. And this girl's like, come over to my house. And I'm just like, fuck, fuck. 17 year old me wants to get laid so goddamn bad, 16 or 17, somewhere in there. I definitely had the means to drive. And I'm just like, nah, I can't.

She's like, why, why? And I'm just, I can't do it. I can't come over. She's like, why? I was like, all right, it's pimple popping night. And I just popped all my pimples and I look awful. She's like, I don't do it. I can't come over. She's like, why? I was like, alright, it's pimple popping night and I just popped all my pimples and I look awful. She's like, I don't care about that. I'm like, I'm not coming.

I'm not coming. You'll care when you see. You guys both sound like you dealt with acne in a terrible way. Like, even the worst of my acne, when I was in and I took Accutane in like 8th and 9th grade, so it didn't ever get that bad. I never had body acne. I would get it on on my face and I would get it like around my mouth sometimes,

like on my upper lip. And it would be like, that is the ugliest fucking place. Now I was so self-conscious, like I wouldn't even want to like look at girls or even like guy friends. I would be like so embarrassed. Every once in a while I'd pass someone in the hallway who had hardcore cystic acne, and I'd be like, dude, thank you for taking this bullet.

I remember, I've mentioned it before, it was my cousin's friend who liked to stab people, and he had the worst acne I'd ever seen on his shoulders. It was like his shoulders were covered in cystic acne, like almost touching each other. And I remember seeing it because he's wearing a tank top one day, and

not saying anything because he stabs people, but thinking there's no way I'd live like that. If the first dermatologist didn't fix that, then we'd go find a second and a third and a fourth. Because I went to the dermatologist multiple times as a kid and I went through some sort of retinoin cream and all sorts of like benzoyl peroxide solutions and salicylic acid solutions. None of that shit ever worked. They'd be like, oh, yeah, well, are you not taking enough showers? Do you not – they think you're a typical teenage boy who's like showering every other day or some shit. I'm like, I take three to four showers a day, sometimes five.

That might be too many because then you're making more oil come out of your pores, right? There's such a thing as too many. I was drowning in oil. I was like a piece of fried chicken. The acne was bad at one shower a day, and it got a little better at two, and a little better at three, and a little better at four. This is as good as it had gotten

because I'm taking a shower when I wake up, especially on weekends. It's like shower, shower, shower, shower. Shower at 8 a.m., noon, 4 p.m., 8 p.m., and then wash my face again before bed. And still just always greasy as fuck. I was just making so much, what do they call it, your sebaceous glands. My sebaceous glands were just going overtime. I have a zit on my ass that's like Haley's Comet it refills in the exact

same spot there's a scar because I've dealt with this thing very roughly over the years and the exact circular scar will just refill with pus and it's always a cyst and the last time it came back

I think in 2014 I may be due i wedged my fucking ass up our first of all i hopped up onto my parents or my childhood bedrooms think in the bathroom there i fucking propped my ass up against the mirror and i took like a seven inch long beretta out of my childhood nightstand not beretta excuse me a seven inch long k-baretta out of my childhood nightstand, not Beretta, excuse me, a seven inch long K-bar knife out of my childhood nightstand. And I just wedged that knife tip into this cyst and it exploded white and red. And I haven't had to deal with the thing since, but I had, I had, um, so I don't get a lot of butt acne. I really dislike it. But I had one on my right ass cheek about nine months ago and I

couldn't pop it. I couldn't get it because it wasn't angry enough yet. So every shower, I shower twice a day now because I'm a normal human being. I would put that tea tree oil stuff that I get off of Amazon on there every day, every shower, I would, I would smear this fucker with it. And over time it just got harder and harder and harder until like maybe a month and a half ago. I was like, today is the day. And like I soaked in a hot bath for like an hour. And then I got out and I'm like looking at it in the mirror. And I get my left hand all the way to my right ass cheek.

And I like get this thing with both hands and I like work it up and just, and it pops and it hurts like hell. And I'm like, oh, I'm not giving up that easy. I'm getting it all. And the more I like milked this thing, the more husky, I would normally have stopped

because the pain was excruciating and it had already popped, but there was more. There was more to be had. Was it all blind, Kyle? Were you doing it without looking? I had the mirror. I'm looking in the mirror and milking

this fucking thing, and it's gone now. It's completely gone, and it's healed, and my ass is all silky smooth, and I'm so happy. I would rather watch a beheading than these pimps you know people learned like pimple popping are popping one of my favorite subreddit people like it is I like it is so disgusting to me it makes me like I

would literally rather watch somebody get stabbed because when I see like I saw like I saw a gif one I think you even like sent it at some point Kyle we're like some like lady like cut open someone's ear and like pulled out this long brown like bit like just congeal it was it made me want to vomit that and sometimes the ingrown hairs are the worst like like like oh

ingrown hair and they pull it and there's more and there's more and then comes like a clump like like that came out of a fucking drain in a shower and it like like oh my god that guy that hair was like if you were to straighten it nine inches long what the fuck and you know

it took up like a cubic inch on the side of the guy's face they get outrageous with these ingrown hairs I looked up pimples that keep coming back in the exact same spot one it's probably a cyst and two it says you should try birth control pills oh great yeah no problem.

A few birds with one stone. Remember all that news like 10 years ago when they were like the male birth control pill just around the corner? It came out. Oh, it actually... It's steroids. If you just give a guy steroids, he'll stop producing his own tea. And it's basically birth control. And you get f-f-f-f-fucked jacked. Does this kind of steroid make you get jacked. Does this kind of steroid make you more jacked?

Yes. I'm not looking at that. Win, win, win. I'm not going to watch that. What do you mean this kind of steroid? It's called testosterone. Yeah, you just supplement, take tea and you get jacked and you stop being fertile.

I'm pulling up the pimple video right now. I'm excited. I'm not watching that. Jackie's going to be like, honey, I'm 50. We don't have anything to worry about. Fuck it. Can't be too safe.

Don't you want me to be huge, Jackie? You need a small dose of testosterone, right, Woody, to stop the sperm. Well, we got to be sure about this. I'm thinking 300, 400 milligrams the sperm. Wow, we gotta be sure about this. I'm thinking three, four hundred milligrams a week. No chance is here. We're going scorched earth in those testicles.

Not one will survive. What did Arnold take? What did Arnold take? This cyst is gnarly. Wow, it's... This one's so bad. I don't want to show it, but it's... Oh, yuck. Y'all like that? this one's so bad. I don't want to show it but it's, oh, yuck. Y'all like that? That one's

extra bad. That one is, because I'm used to less chunky, more fluid. That was like old dehydrated pus. Yeah, that's ancient pus. That's been living in there a while. You know, pus is just dead white blood cells. When you think of it that way, it's not so gross.

Actually, I didn't know that. I don't think i really had it but i have a topic we haven't talked about that happened this morning my mom calls me and she's concerned and she's like woody is colin okay i need to know is colin okay and i'm like yeah he's 100 fine i just saw him he's on bed watching youtube videos on the ipad on ip She's like, I just got a call. A guy called my mom claiming to be Colin, saying that he had just been in a car accident and he was the passenger. The story, there wasn't a very good scam artist, but claimed that the reason he didn't sound quite right was that he had hit his mouth and nose in this car accident and he failed a breathalyzer because he had just drank in drinking mouthwash and drank i don't

know anyway uh my mom tested him i forget what the oh she's like if you're calling how old are you and uh he like tried to dodge it or something and eventually he told her to go do something to herself. But the core of the call was, hey, I just got into this car accident. I'm at the police station right now. Don't call anyone. Don't call Woody. Don't share this. Or don't call dad.

Don't share this. I need money for bail. share this or don't call dad don't share this i need money for bail so he tried to get money out of my parents for bail and to have them keep a secret but my mother is not senile and she had exact scam worked on someone i know for ten thousand dollars no you can't you can't say who it is i'm sure you would have so what how did how did that, they, they actually, I was about to message them and like, try to get the like nitty gritty details, but essentially it went like this. The person called this woman and said, Hey, I'm your grandson and I've been arrested. Um, my lawyer needs to talk to you. They're to get me out something kind of like this it could have even been the lawyer that called her claiming to represent the grandson I'm a little foggy on

that in my memory but long story short it was like you know I think it was a DUI or an assault or something like that we need ten thousand000 to get your grandson out. And she's like, oh, Lord. Oh, okay. And so like went and got the $10,000 cash. Oh, no. Well, I'll be by in a little while to pick it up. And some dude showed up to her house and took $10,000 out of her hand

and drove the fuck away with it. What a piece of shit. Super piece of shit. And the problem was like, it's like all the money this old lady had. It's like most of her money, the vast, I don't know, maybe two grand left in the savings. These are like poor country people. Most of her money is gone.

And she's just like, oh, I'm just going to kill myself now. I'm such a fool. And it's just like oh i'm just gonna kill myself now i'm such a fool and it's just like oh don't do that we'll we'll get in the i was like don't do that retard you probably watch that too you probably go pay some kind of fake hitman to do it, wouldn't you? Another five grand of my inheritance, granny. Goodness. No, it was super sad, though. And I'm just like, I was listening to it happen. My friend put the phone on speaker, and she was talking to her grandmother.

And I could hear the grandmother in the background really sad. Like, oh, I'm such an idiot. Do you think we can get it back and it's like well no it's gone and i'm on my side going like no fucking way no fucking way i think in this case it was a fan because they tried to like imitate colin's accent you know my son's special needs i don't know if you know danny so you know he doesn't just talk like we do here on the show So he doesn't just talk like we do here on the show. And one of the things that caught her attention was how this guy didn't.

He kind of messed up his words, but he didn't. He strung them together like a little better than Colin does. The sentences were longer. And yeah, his voice is probably totally different. Colin's voice is fucking deep. Like you can't do Colin's voice. Dude, Colin is so big now. So, especially his son, if he were a normal 18-year-old, I probably wouldn't kiss him.

But Colin likes hugs and he likes kisses or whatever. He comes in for a hug on me and I kiss him. But I'm kissing the underside of a man's neck. That's how tall he is on me now. Like, I think if we cooperated, he could put his chin on my head you know last time i saw colin we were wrestling on the couch and i was letting him beat me up i might not might not be letting him anymore you do fine but uh he is really thin i was thin too at his age but like i look at his wrist and it just kind of stays there all the way up but um uh but yeah i i you know you're just hugging on

me and it's happy and and i i give me and it was just like that was gay it was okay colin is gonna be like i am definitely the bottom in this relationship Colin is going to be like Barron Trump's high Barron Trump looks photoshopped in every picture that he's in he really does by the way I'm digging his jacket yeah

I never I like Barron's whole fucking outfit here I'm going to buy the Barron Trump outfit also I'm sorry Woody I'm sorry to buy the Barron Trump outfit. That's pretty sweet. Also, I'm sorry, Woody. I'm sorry I tried to get Taylor to go on Donald Trump's special needs improv earlier. My mom's a special ed teacher, so I got nothing against the people at all. Of course not. No one does.

No, I'm kidding. Barron Trump is only 15 years old. So he's not even done growing yet. Is he still 15? He's 15 now? Yeah, he was born in 2006. He just turned 15 in March. Jesus Christ.

He's going to be like 6'10". Maybe. I don't know. I haven't. Sorry, Dan. So I was a late bloomer, and I stopped growing around 19. So I just anticipate the same for Colin because he's also a late bloomer. He's 18 now, and his legs are just getting hairy.

So, eh. Baron, on the other hand, he was shooting up five years ago so yes dad's six three uh according to the world the internet uh his mom's 5 11 uh and he is just huge he's fucking he's standing next to his mom wearing heels yeah she's yeah she's she's tall as fuck in those heels. I'm trying to find out where to get this outfit. What is that, a bomber jacket? Some have speculated Baron is 6'6". I mean, those Melania jeans.

This jacket isn't overpriced. You're gonna get that Baron Trump fit? I'm getting that fucking jacket, bro Man, this 15 year old's really got an outfit that I love Dude, that 15 year old's outfit was put together by his fucking fashion model mother. Is that a Beyblade in that fucking jacket? I got an article here about how fly his fucking outfit is I'm getting that shit

It's pretty sweet that belt and those pants look expensive. Dude, I like I like everything about what he's got going on there. Yeah, I like I like the sneakers too. I got this i got some sneakers almost exactly like that i got the same belt who doesn't have a white tee you guys know i'm putting together an outfit maybe like a hoodie a hat get myself a skateboard i'd be fly as fuck too i i love it this is who you should have been for halloween yes it's occurred to me how do i do fellow kids so good so fucking good you gotta get the fake you gotta get some fake fucking buscemi teeth to go with it i like the music band t-shirt yeah music i just caught that. Music band. So before we jump to the next thing,

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I have the monthly subscription, but after a while, it really built up. Like, I think I get like think I get 28 pills a month. And there was a while there where I wasn't taking them daily. I was just taking them when I needed them. Now I take them daily, though. But for a while, they had just built up to the point where I had 200 fucking pills or some shit. And I was running low.

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Get the food you love fast at Postmates with code PKA. So if you use apps like this, you know those delivery fees can add up at some point. So $100 of free delivery credit for that first week. You're hunky-dory you're you're you're sitting pretty give it a go guys you got nothing to lose can you post mates did you i i just you dropped for me can you post i'm pretty sure he asked if you could post mate blow blue chew but it's okay the moment came and went the mystery made that shitty joke way funnier. I'm glad.

Dude, I Postmates is probably a third of my monthly expenses. I don't leave this chair when I'm on a four-hour long editing bender or a two-hour long writing bender. Just Chipotle, Postmates, it's my shit.

Yeah, it's great. postmates is super handy and yeah you know you just sit there you eat your delicious food you drink your lime perrier or maybe yours is a regular perrier i'm a lime boy i like the lime more i have her last year i got the the lime i also got a kyle i poured a glass a little while ago i forgot that i did this but i i told you i got the uh the conor McGregor whiskey. I saw it at the store. Conor McGregor whiskey. What's it called again? Proper 12. Now, I think it's a bit sneaky because I didn't think that

when it says 12 there, I was thinking it means it was aged 12 years. And really, that's just great marketing. I don't think it was aged very long at all. A wee bit Scottish. Yeah. I love you. Always have. I love you's accent game. I think 12 is their equivalent to an area code. And 12 was the area Conor McGregor grew up.

I think that's what that is. I should have read the back. It says paying tribute to where it all began for me, Dublin 12. So I guess that's a section of a city in Dublin. Yeah. How's it tasting, by the way? I saw it. It's a little tough to say what's going on.

Have you talked about how much you sold it for? It was only $24 at the grocery store. That's how much Conor McGregor sold the company for. $24 cash out. I should have bought it, because that thing makes like $100 million a year. It tastes fine to me. It's a better deal than Manhattan Island.

Did we say $600 million? I believe that's what you said. Yeah, I didn't double check. But that is an enormous sum of cash. That is so much. Was it dollars or dollar-y dues or euros or pounds? Pounds, you're really rolling.

Pounds is even more than the euro. Yeah, that's interesting, though. I like for good things to happen to Conor McGregor. I do, too. I like that it's $600 million US, I think. Holy shit, that's a lot of fucking money. Like, a whiskey thing is a natural pivot for him. Like, he's Irish.

It works so well. It works so well. It works so well. Isn't this lion one of his... Is this his tattoo? That's his fucking tattoo, bro. Yeah. It's huge. That's cool. I think it's a monkey. So much money. I mean,

second only to Beats by Dre or something with a guy taking his fame and leveraging it. And he just sold it. Yeah, sure. Does he get paid for that? I mean, I know he gets paid for it, but it's not like they're like Jordans by Jordan. They're Nike Jordans. Yeah.

Somehow, I feel like Jordan and Nike had this thing, but he didn't really sell it as much as he just played basketball and everyone wanted to be like him he wasn't doing press conferences about jordan's in the same way that connor does right doing press conferences while drunk is just a master at marketing right like he's out there fucking holding bottles he he talked some sort of magic into dana white's ear that that made like the events like they run proper 12 uh commercials at the events and i bet that deal is like a two three year deal and part of the money connor made selling that company is that deal is already in place it's like yeah yeah you get the company at the stills you get the facilities you get the

advertising and also like you've got an ongoing deal with the ufc where they have to run your ads for the next two years because i think dana like i'm making this up but i infer that he's doing it in lieu of paying him like if i'm connor it's like you know what i'll fight for 10 million and 10 minutes of ads yeah yeah that's the idea that i took from it as well. That's better than 20 million. Okay. I had it in my head that his whiskey was a side product.

Well, I know he sold it for so much, but originally I was like, it's going to be some $200 bottle of Irish top of the line. No, it's totally mid-range, affordable. It was marketed perfectly. It's got the price point to make a ton of money. This was genius from start to finish. Yeah. His fan beasts aren't a bunch of fancy schmancy guys who're buying 200 bottles of scotch right all you need is the 25 bottle that looks cool with like

his tattoo on there oh there's oh it's got a little fake signature on the back neat they're a bunch of violent irishmen who like to watch him punch old men at bars and they're like i can afford a bottle of that let's go i heard i heard it took something like a third of the market share from jameson and the amount of jameson that gets sold when i used to work as a bouncer in san francisco that's if somebody was drinking whiskey at a san francisco bar it was jameson if you graduate college you have money you're out getting fucked up trying to get some pussy you you're drinking Jameson. And you're drinking a lot of...

How expensive is Jameson? It's probably the same price. I think it's the same price. It's low $20 per fifth. Is it worth much without Conor? How much can you sell the Howard Stern show for?

Let's say Howard's done working and he wants to sell the Howard Stern show. To me, it's not worth much. Maybe Kyle has an idea. I don't know this for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if he still is going to be getting paid to do their advertising for them and be in commercials for them. Yeah, he's licensing his image on the bottle. them yeah he's licensing his image on the bottle i i would i bet either like part of his price was like yeah and you'll be in a commercial a year for us for the next five years or maybe they're just like hey will you come back every five years and we'll renegotiate another price for you to do some commercials he's in so many commercials have you seen his burger king commercial yeah i don't

see commercials i did it's pretty funny well it's because it's an internet thing like i saw on the internet it's somebody edited it um where he's like he's like getting on a private jet he's talking about the fucking spicy crispy burger king i just kind of want you to watch it and then that's lame let me know you're oh is it good okay it's been it's well it's it's been edited burger king oh we cannot oh well it may be after the show plus it's been edited. Burger King might be the worst ass copy. Oh, we cannot. Plus, it's a commercial. Yeah, I don't know if I was... Shit. Take any...

Danny Mullen's YouTube channel. You sell it afterwards and is it worth a lot without Danny on it? I'm there for Danny. The day Danny sells his channel, a lot of people unsub. Yeah, I appreciate that. Because the channel isn't the same, but the liquor still tastes the same.

Okay, but it's like the Conor McGregor whiskey. Like I see proper 12, I think Conor. If Conor is no longer incentivized to sell it like he was as an owner. If Taylor will quit being a big cocktease and open the bottle and drink some, we might have an answer here. I just I just had a I can't it's invisible it looks like scratching your lip in front of me so this is 30 seconds can we

just like watch it in silence and and react to it he's smooth pretty good I don't know what I'm drinking though I don't really I'm not a hard liquor guy I don't okay this video is racist Burger this so this video is enough Racist Burger King 2018 and with Conor McGregor. This is gonna be fun. Do you like Burger King? Are you a filthy? I think we got a little aggressive. I'm a zero. All right. We'll watch in silence. Okay, 30 seconds 26 seconds Ready set play Okay, 30 seconds, boys. 26 seconds. Ready, set, play. What are we doing? I want the sandwich even more now. That's hilarious. Oh, that's so good.

And if you didn't catch it, that guy's wearing the Burger King crown. Did the audience hear that? No, they heard it. I feel like we just did the worst segment in the history of the show. Woody, I've got an idea for a bit. We're going to do 26 seconds of dead air. I just wanted to share the commercial with you.

If people wanted to get the joke, they can look up what I just said. No, I got an even better bit. You know, Woody and I have been really into Stormlight Archive. How about I grab the book and start reading from where I'm at? You do it every PKN. You're over there talking about dream blades and shard armor, and I'm just like...

Hey, you're paying attention. I'm glad. I'm glad. Pretend. No, you're a nerd. You like the fantasy stuff. The fucking hurricanes are coming in. They're fucking killing people with hurricanes.

And there's shard armor that costs as much as a city. And it cuts through people. I'm just like, ah. To help the audience real quick, we should probably just summarize what happened. It was the Burger King ad where the king gets on a private jet with Conor McGregor. And Conor McGregor is plugging the whopper. And then he throws it back. Check out this king. And then they cut to, is this something that's been going around the internet? with Conor McGregor and Conor McGregor is plugging the whopper and then he throws it back check out

this king and then they cut to I is this something that's been going around the internet an insane racist guy with a Burger King crown saying get that blank bitch off the plane and it's the n-word I love it that clip was and and like if you watch that guy's face he like looks to his right to like catch somebody's reaction to him saying he's such's such a troll. I think he did that twice on two different airplanes. He did. Both times wearing a Burger King crown. That guy's like a deep agent

for the PR wing of McDonald's. Alright. Black people everywhere were like, I don't even want a Whopper anymore. You know what? I'm a Dairy Queen man now. Watch that shit. I'm going to get that flamethrower burger. You ever have the flamethrower burger from

Dairy Queen? I actually did try it once. It wasn't good. I love it. I love it a lot. It's a fucking delicious hamburger. I like any hamburger that has some spicy shit put on there. Dairy Queen beats the shit out of Burger King. It's not even close. It's not even fucking close. Not even close. Speaking of that, Taylor is getting married

in like a month or so. Coming up not all that long away. And I messaged him today. I was like, hey, I can't find that registry list. Would you send that to me again? I want to make sure I get you guys something nice. And if you don't get it to me

in time, because I already asked for it once, I'm just sending you a lot of smoked meat, man. And he's like, ooh, cured meats. Do that instead. Fuck a China set or some cutlery. And I'm like, you get it. And I'm immediately on my phone looking for the most extravagant meat box known to man. Meat box.

He is getting, I'm not going to spoil it exactly. I want it to be a surprise when you get this but the package is 18 pounds I'm told I saw that and I was like that can't be right you're going to kill me I would estimate this to be

100,000 calories I'm going to gain some serious weight. No, Taylor, if you eat it all at once, I don't think your body can absorb it all. I'm pretty sure it comes in a... I don't know about... I think I selected the wooden crate for it to come in, but I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. Don't bet on that. Is a pallet going to show up? It definitely comes... That was one of the options. I almost got you a quarter of a cow. That would have been a little excessive. It was between this and a quarter of a cow.

Well, I'm glad that you got me the meats, the 18 pounds of meats. I'm excited. When you texted me that today, like literally, like I'm so glad that you brought up. Because I was like going to get the wedding registry like link. Then you're like, or I could just send you meat and it's like I already like I have way more cups way more dishes like my all my kitchen cabinets are full of stuff my my fiance like got a espresso like cappuccino big coffee machine thing which is kind of I haven't used it yet it's got a lot of buttons I haven't figured it out and so I'm I'm stoked on getting meat i don't want any more forks no more more

cups no more no i meant what i said if it gets there and you're underwhelmed let me know and i'll get you something different but uh this seemed like the thing like like like i i i was like i think this is the thing i think this is the thing but if i'm wrong i want you to let me know i want you to get i want you to be happy with what i get i i will let you know 100 and i appreciate the thoughts very nice of you 18 pounds of cured meat this is because this is gonna be genuinely like a step in the wrong direction for my health oh wait till it gets there you're gonna be a man diet baby all meat diet yeah if you don't know danny like one of my big vices is like charcuterie boards italian deli meats love

them love it too you You know, I love the cheese, the cracker, every bit of it. And it's the best kind of snack at parties because like you, you don't have to admit to yourself how much you're eating. Cause you're just, Oh, I think I will have another one. Oh, I'll just have a little slice of meat, a little bit of cheese, a little cracker. Oh, that's what I'm going to have. Well, actually that was, that's what makes it dangerous. Cause you can delude yourself into thinking that like, i just popped over there like three different times and it's like no you didn't you you certainly didn't you've been you've been guarding it all night like stay like around it yeah i'm excited for i love my deli meats so i'm looking forward to that i love it too

relatively guilt-free food i think it's a lot better choice than a lot of snacks. This is not guilt-free. No, this is... This is... I can't think of anything more calorically dense than this, other than butter. If Danny's ever struggled with his weight, maybe he doesn't know about calorically dense bad food. Look at my disgusting...

Butter may be the only thing with more calories, but this has more salt. Oh my god, your leg, Danny. It looks like an elk doc or auschwitz what the fuck big d dude doc how big d that's i like that i always you always need because auschwitz is the most played out concentration camp i needed a number two and i heard a gilbert godfrey joke where he mentioned doc how and then that was my number two now we need to start moving to a number three because Dachau is becoming cliche I don't even

know there's a Birkin how Birkin something Birkin stock Birkin Walden stocks yes that's it yes that's where the shoes came from very insensitive name they made it was part of the punishment they made them wear those Birkin stocks ah now your feet are going to smell awful in just a few days no socks allowed we've tortured you with smelly stinky feet in the same barracks dude there was nothing worse than birkenstocks were huge when i was in high school and no one would wear socks in them and so everyone had filthy rancid smelling feet and people would like slip their feet out of them in the middle of class and be like messing with them. And you could just see a dark brownish black

patch of foot sole sweat that had been there for like I'm so glad Birkenstocks aren't in style. There's nothing that's one of the worst smells. Mandels are always in style. Taylor will know soon he's about to get married. He'll hit the mandel

in no time. You know how funny it would be if I get married he'll hit the mandel in no time you know how funny it would be if I get married and I start showing up you know what I'm going to get married and I'm going to order a bunch of like exactly Woody's clothes and I'll wear like a Hollister collared shirt and cargo pants

I love it that'd be great Dude my pants now I have a phone pocket Look look so they're not They're not cargo pants Those aren't pants Why are you erect? Ah

That's what it looks like flaccid One phone pocket I mean Super cool. So, so... Yeah, my pockets don't fit phones in them. Oh, well, you should wear men's clothes. Oh.

I like the buttons on the left. What can I say? So I was... So, first of all, shout out to, um... Where is he? Every once in a while, someone tweets me, like, a weird part of of the internet, like a bit, and I'll look into it. So shout out to KebbyPlays on Twitter. There's a weird community of guys on Twitter that you should make fun of on PKA.

Search Wank Battle. So open up your Twitter and type in Wank Battle into the search, or hashtag Wank Battles. into the search or hashtag wank battles and what this is and i'll link an article here from barstoolsports.com where one of their bloggers was challenged to a guess yeah guess what wank battle is guess what you think it is and then i'll tell you my first guess that wank battle is guys masturbating to dirty videos and seeing who can go the longest without coming i feel like that would be so easy to win you just pull off whenever you're about to climax i agree with you but i don't know what else a wank battle could be my theory was that it's guys seeing how many times they can pop in 24 hours no that's a good guess so what did you have a guess or are you looking at it

uh i'm looking at it i still don't know what it is i'm trying to infer from this context it are two people is it like that try not to laugh sort of thing where they show you something sexy and then you see if it initiates the launch sequence basically what this is from what i can garner from this is it's two, and there are people challenging each other. There are so many profiles. If you go to hashtag wankbattles on the Twitter search, and you can see people's profiles. This person has wins, 149, losses, 27, draws, 26. It's guys, and they get into a text or a WhatsApp or whatever chat, porn they pick like five celebrities or porn stars and

then they send sexy pictures to each other or sexy gifs and they add their own fucking like paragraph of like you like that you filthy little slut boy you like oh and it's like and and you read these and it's like and then one guy will eventually be like oh please let me bust master and and it's like that level of thing and then they like they respond to the text with like oh you better would you better than that little baby bit like all that kind of stuff and apparently people have done this hundreds battler mike here's a twitter name this guy's got 149 wins wait so so taylor i'm still a little foggy on this what function does that serve the people shit talking is that supposed to get people off quicker or does that distract them? head or something or like standing there with a whip and then they'd add a caption like you're a naughty boy you little baby bitch you like that don't you and eventually it's like like one of them will start responding in earnest like let me come or like right and it's it's incredibly

uncomfortable to read through and it's so it's very disjointed it's hard to what do you know i've been doing this for years i don't know what the big deal is. This guy, Clem, a blogger on Barstool Sports, was challenged to a wank battle against the Porn King. And apparently the Porn King, let me link you his, let me link you the Porn King's account. So this guy is one of the guys who is in those meme photos of going to like porn meetups and like standing there uncomfortably near. Oh, yes. Yes. And he this guy challenged the barstool guy and the barstool guy is just like clearly like tongue in cheek mocking him the whole time. Like and this like being like, oh, you know, you know, I've never done a wank battle. But when the king challenges you, you don't step down. You treat it as a learning experience. And it shows them going back and forth, but all of it censored because it's all porn.

And then eventually the porn king goes, on a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you? In the middle of their battle. Honestly, I think I'm going to have to tap out because my eyes are starting to go i'm an old man this round goes to you my friend just i must be i don't i don't get it so so i send a person porn and talk smack to them yeah and then what to find a win or loss yeah let me find here me find... Here. Because I see these people. Here's a guy with 412 wins, I think. Here's a guy that's 3223 and he has four

ties. How does the draw happen? Taylor. I don't know. I found out about this four hours ago. I don't know. But I know that the most interesting ones are ones where you can see the actual text conversations from the people where someone admits to busting. And the number one problem with this is that I guarantee that people are lying through their teeth about their records.

That person saying that they won 400 and have only lost like 10, uh-uh. I don't believe it. That's not true. That guy's busted way. Clearly, this is just a way for porn addicts to get some sort of engagement with their addiction. And I guess women are few and far between. This guy has so many awkward photos of him with porn stars. Yeah. Yeah, it's like going through them.

Yeah, I kind of like that guy's profile, actually. I mean, it is funny that you should do something with this guy. Yeah, I would love to. You should do a collab with the porn... What's a big ass? It might be hard to reach out to him now that my Twitter's deleted, but I'll find a way. Shit, really? That's true.

You know what? I'll reach out to him on your behalf. I would really appreciate that, Taylor. I need to learn more about this wank battle sport. A wank battle is when two people swap picks and gifts with a simple goal in mind making each other feel good. It's a fun swapping session but with a competitive

twist you have to make the other come. Now I still don't know if you win or lose. I guess you win if the other guy comes. So if you come more slowly. So Kyle was sort of right. so Kyle was order right no Kyle was order I mean there are no losers in a wank battle the Kyle hit the nail on the

head so quickly there are you a wank battler what's your I am a grand champion you know what I was in on here that was like a total level of weirdness even beyond wank battles as I found an account that is starting you know what i was seeing on here that was like a total level of weirdness even beyond wank battles is i found an account that is starting you know how pokemon has like gym leaders and things oh they're coming up with like the people whose records are good enough are like gym leaders of wank battling and that you have to battle your you have to make the gym leaders come and they're in your text with them. It's this can't be, this can't be good for humanity, man.

No, no, we're doomed. We're so fucking doomed. Fuck this. We're so fucking doomed. Oh, we have,

we have straight, we've strayed so far from God's light. I saw a preview for a movie today and it actually looks good. And I think it might be an original idea that I've never, I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it. It's, um, what's the guy from guardians of the Galaxy's name Chris Pratt Chris Pratt yeah so it's Chris Pratt movie I think it's made by Amazon I think it comes out next month so it'll be like on Amazon to watch the premise is this he's like hanging out with his family watching

looks like the Super Bowl or like a football game in general and all of a sudden like a fucking space portal opens up at the football game on the fucking field and they're like is this part of a fucking show what is this and like a time traveling woman comes out of the space portal and she announces to the world that in the future aliens have invaded and we are losing and we've come back for manpower. We want, we want, we need you to come to the future and help us fight off the alien invasion or you will have no future. or you will have no future. And so like the governments of the world agree and create a draft.

They're drafting people to send to the future to fight this war. And Chris Pratt has former military service and he's a school teacher. So these are like two things that get you out of the draft. But they tell him like, if you don't go, your wife is being drafted. And so he's like, well, I'm going.

I'm going. And I cut it off right about there, but I was so intrigued already. There was this one part where the soldiers are suiting up, and they're in formation to go into a time portal maybe. And Chris Pratt's reaching over to this guy next to him. He's like, nah, nah, strap it on like this and like that. And the guy's like, are you not scared? He's like, nah, nah, not really.

What's that about? That's a long story. You got military service? Yeah, I guess it wasn't a long story after all. All right, all right. There's a little comedy mixed in here, too, so it looks fun. It looks fun. I have a lot of questions because there was a film from around 2003 called The Butterfly Effect

whose whole premise, I believe, was that something as small as a butterfly flapping its wings can affect the future if it's done back in time. So I'm not sure how sending 100 battalions of past soldiers to their death affect the future if it's done back in time. So I'm not sure how sending a hundred battalions of past soldiers to their death in the future seems like that'll have some implications for the current world. All the future soldiers will be dead. I think the idea was

that it doesn't matter because there's not going to be a future because we're losing the war for Earth. It seems short-sighted. It would seem like the second Taylor goes forward, then there's all these Taylor kids that disappear back to the future style. I think we're paying far too much attention to time travel paradoxes and not enough to the fact that we're sending Chris Pratt to the future to fight aliens. Yeah, but... Oh, and he's got a six pack again.

I'm in. Good for him, man. Alright, I'm in. I wanna see it. Yeah, he gets Good for him, man. All right, I'm in. I want to see him. Yeah, he gets all shirtless, looking super ripped up, looking real good. Nice. Yeah. Chris Pratt seems like a good guy. Seems like a great guy.

His ex-wife might disagree. I wonder what happened. Fuck her. I just saw Anna Faris. I didn't know that was his ex-wife. She's from, isn't she from the scary movies? You were never funny, Anna. Well, that's true. She wasn't funny.

I wonder. Chris Pratt. I wonder what happened. Your entire career doesn't amount to Chris Pratt eating one cheeseburger on Parks and Rec. Jeff. No, no. Bill Gates got divorced, right? It's come out that apparently he's been fucking everything he can.

Oh. Yeah. Good for him. Oh. Yeah. Like. Good for him. Good for him. It's not like he had an affair. It's like, oh, yeah. Huge womanizer.

Huge. He's been fucking. I'm glad. And I'm like, Bill Gates. Okay. You know, and I've thought this for years. I remember, like, because his fortune is, like, swollen like swollen and like sort of dwelled over the years. I remember at one point he's like, oh yeah, richest man in the world at $40 billion.

That's years and years ago now. But then it was like, oh, only the third richest man. And it's like, yeah, but didn't he give like $30 billion to like AIDS patients or Africa in general or something like that? I think he was thinking about that. He just gave it to Africa. AIDS patients or Africa in general or something like that. It's like he's the richest man in the world at $40 billion and he's third richest with $68 billion. It's been doing great.

He's always one of the richest men in the world and it's always tens of billions. I felt like it went down. I thought he gave away a substantial portion of his money at one point it's $126 billion right now yeah

in any case I always thought like man what a what a waste of the richest man in the world I was like why does it have to be that the richest man in the world is a fucking nerdy philanthropist who wants to like

be a do-gooder why can't like why can't it be like fucking i don't know nicholas cage why can't nicholas cage be worth a hundred billion dollars he'd be so fun to watch him like just do crazy shit you know any of the four of us would be way more fun billionaires to watch remember when that notch guy was – Can you imagine how much I would ruin this country if I had 100,000? Oh, big time. Big time. The world.

The world. I would cause such problems. It went down, but it was the dot-com bust, not giving it away. I remember when that – was it Notch that made Minecraft and created it? Yes. Yeah, I remember when that guy was like, oh, yeah, it's just, you just you know i'm kind of sad and lonely and i just don't have any fun and it's like you know when you're when you're worth tens of millions of dollars it's really not all that cool after all and i was just like dude needs to hire me for about 800k a year to be his fun manager yeah

like he doesn't know how to fucking have fun like are you kidding me i remember that we had such great ideas for him there's there's a million there's a million ways fucking have fun. Are you kidding me? I remember that bit. We had such great ideas for him. There's a million ways to have fun. There's a billion ways to have fun. I remember during that bit. Danny, you want to go? I'm just saying, imagine the first month after $100 billion hit your account. The lack of sobriety, the amount of bribery and near arrests and hooker corpus,

hooker corpses. Yes, absolutely. I would try and like buy Madagascar or something or no, we figured out that Madagascar actually has like 40 million people live there. So somewhere else. That was the funny thing about Bezos.

Like, so Taylor has said that if he was a multi-billionaire, he would buy all the NHL teams, put the good players in St. Louis and and just buttfuck everybody all the time. Cool, cool. Jeff Bezos bought The Apprentice. And I'm like, that's a Taylor-level fuckery. I kind of like that.

Yeah. Apparently, it was worth, like, $4 billion, and he paid $9 billion for it because he wanted it. So, fuck you. For MGM, you said? For MGM, yeah. 4 billion and he paid 9 billion for it because he wanted it so fucking uh mgm for mgm yeah like he paid double what it's worth because he wanted it so bad he won so i don't know if it is jeff beza he wouldn't be the host of the new apprentice would he is that what he's not the host he just owns the rights to that he wants that he wants the dirt on donald trump because he fucking hates him oh well yeah i know he hates him the washington post has always ripped on him for the last five years but like

i thought that maybe jeff bezos was doing this because he wanted to be like the like no that stuff but then also to be like i'm going to be the the new billionaire man because i mean obviously he's what literally 33 times more successful everybody's talking about how he bought the apprentice because he hates him. But I have to imagine he bought MGM because he owns Amazon Prime, too. And it makes sense. Oh, sure, sure, sure. You know, you have to have that.

Oh, of course, of course, of course. He's a smart guy. He wouldn't spend nine billion on spite. It's because it's a good business move. Yeah, yeah. It's got to be both. I respect both decisions. Like, I don't care why I'm happy with it.

If I own... What does he have? $130 billion? $160 billion? Something like that? I thought it was like $100. At this point, he got that divorce. Good for him.

$190 billion. Yeah, so if he dropped $9 billion on MGM and now he's down to $100 and... I guess he's still worth 190 billion he just exchanged cash for i think i buy a chain of whorehouses like you don't just buy prostitutes you don't just pay prostitutes you just buy a chain of them right like you have a concubine does concubine mean one person maybe i don't know no a concubine is a single person you're talking about a harem yeah yeah i am you need a harem you need a harem complete with like the whole saudi prince decorating yeah the big poofy cushions and the silk curtains and stuff

and then round couch beds some of that weird face jewelry they're always wearing from 300 with a chain from the ear to the nose they need symbols on their fingers whatever they're called no i would be i would keep them tied by a rope in a stable and they'd have to shit in the hay. I read a porno like that. The only interesting thing I learned about in my Middle Eastern...

When I was at UCLA, I would go on this website called Bruin Walk and you just find the easiest professors. That was the only criteria that mattered for me. Just the minimal amount of input for still completing a class getting my credits i would take shit like 1400 middle eastern history like the fucking the 1500s learn about the wars between the ottomans and the hapsburg the only thing i retained was about the people who kept these harems the guy who was in charge of a harem in the Middle Eastern and the Ottoman world,

which those are the mac daddies of harems. That's where this term came from. There's something called chief black eunuchs. And they would take black guys, because back then the theory was that women are less attracted to black men, how wrong they were. And they would slice off these dudes' dicks too.

Because it wasn't just enough that they were black. would slice off these dudes dicks too because it wasn't just enough that they were black they needed to be cockless and then they would give these guys like a cattle prod or something and just let them into the harem and those guys would be basically just the male madam of all the whores they would keep the whores in lines these black dudes with no cocks no dude like uh the arab slave trade from Africa, like, they had an enormous slave trade, even bigger than the slave trade from Africa to the U.S. Way bigger.

I mean, obviously, geographically, that's much simpler. There's not a giant ocean. You can walk. And, like, then you might wonder, like, well, there's all these black people in the U.S. today. Why are there so few black people

in the Middle East? Yeah, because, like, all of their, they castrated all their slaves. Yeah. Pretty, pretty like all of their, they castrated all their slaves. Yeah. Pretty pretty fucking ghoulish. Yeah. No cock, dude. Chief. Kyle, you have a different opinion on this?

I didn't know. I mean, it seems like maybe they were thinking ahead. To keep the, to make sure they have a good, someone good to run their brothels. Keep their pockets up? Kyle, choose your words carefully. Oh, I see. I'm using them perfectly right now.

As always. Yeah, I don't get it. That's how subtle it was. Fewer car thefts in Saudi Arabia, Woody. Well, that's because women can't drive. So there's fewer cars. Probably not fewer cars. I feel like all those princes...

Well, I guess the princes don't own enough cars to offset that. There's enough princes to, like, upset the balance of women drivers? How many cars could they have? And they can only drive one. They'd need millions. They'd need millions. Okay.

That's one of those sentences you say and it's like. It's a college. You guys all know this. We're like, you're on this show and like, you just, you're talking to talk and you get halfway into a sentence and you're like, this makes less than no sense. Please. Nobody call me out. Oh yeah.

Kyle, let that go. Have you met Kyle? He sits over here yeah kyle kyle's mr call out this didn't happen you faker i wasn't gonna let that fly and if you don't know last week or was it last week two weeks ago they all blend together i think it was last week uh we had a guest that told frankly an unbelievable story about getting stabbed when he was a child by his dad and sewing himself back up together in the woods for three days. And Kyle, and I was like being very courteous,

like, really? My God, what happened then? Did that damage your stabbing? You sewed yourself up like Rambo? You have to keep the conversation going. And then Kyle just, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. none of this is true none of this happened you're making this up like like like look dude i know i just told a story

about fighting a wild boar with a knife but i have witnesses i can call them forward jeremy saw that shit the people who run houston armory call that saw shit. If you know anybody who works at Houston Armory, ask them. Did FPS Russia fight a Russian boar in a field with a pocket knife? They will fucking tell you I did because they were there and they saw that shit. And where's this guy's dad to corroborate the tale? Dad. So they had this species there that's like Russian boars were brought in. And they got loose and they interbred

with the wild boars there and so there's this weird hybrid species and it's got like this black fur and they're really fucking big. Fur, I say tentatively because it's this wiry, nasty hair that comes out of the bush. So you called a guest's story out as being fake?

Yeah, because it was. It was nonsense. It was fucking nonsense. Like, like, like, like. Was it so fake that it wasn't even a good story? This, I'll retell it quickly. Yeah, so, you know, I got stabbed once. Really? You got stabbed?

Yeah, yeah, my dad. My dad stabbed me. We were at the dinner table and my uncle, you know, my uncle stuttered and he was like, z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z- And he was like, pass the bread. And I was like, pass the bread. And my dad was like, hey, don't you make fun of your uncle. And I was like, sorry, dad. And he just grabbed a steak knife and stabbed me, like right here by my oblique. And it went in. He stabbed me with a serrated steak knife.

And so what'd you do? I think he said that he assaulted his dad at that point. I think he said that he ran away. Did that point. I think he said that he ran away at that point. Did he not get the knife out of his hand? He didn't get the knife out until he was in the woods because it was serrated and it didn't want to pull out or something like that. And then he went to his fort, quote unquote, that was in the woods. And he said that he sewed the wound up with fishing line and a fishing hook. And like, look, none of that is believable.

Three days he said. I'm a grown-ass man i i i had to get six stitches a while back look i i didn't cry and bitch about it i wrapped my foot up and i went my way to the hospital but i can't imagine sewing myself up with a fucking fishing line and a fishing hook and i don't i'm not squeamish around blood, I got a reasonable pain tolerance, all that shit, there's no fucking way I could have done that shit, my hands would have been so shaky, I'd have been, I'd have been, I'm 35, like, I've gutted deer with not, you know, blood and guts all over me before, it doesn't bother me, I would be in a cold sweat, sewing my fucking flesh up with a fishing hook and fishing line. And anybody who's listening to this who also wouldn't be and you're legit, you're a badass.

You're a badass. You must be some sort of fucking Royal Navy fucking commando CIA spy bad motherfucker. But that ain't me and that is not that guy. Which guest was it, Kyle? He was the voice from Call of Duty of one of the main characters in Black Ops. I think Woods or somebody like that. Which episode is that? James Woods.

Like, last week. 544. And look, I just want to reiterate, I liked that guy a lot. I liked him as a guest, and next Call of Duty or next time he does something cool, we're going to invite him back. I'm sure there's no hard feelings because he's a grown man and not a little baby back bitch from the internet

who's like, oh, I bet Kyle hates this guy. He'll never come back. No, he's a nice guy. I liked him. James Byrne's a nice guy. I liked him. I'm sure he'll come back on again. But he knows that shit didn't happen. I'm not so sure sure the kind of guy who carries around a story like that in his back pocket for decades i think he's gonna be wounded

by you calling it out look show me the scar you show me the scar and and i'll i'll eat my words and i'll apologize but he didn't show me he wasn't offended by you calling no he wasn't offended at all he was just like whatever man like he didn't really which honestly that response led me to be like maybe he is telling the truth like because if he was like defending a lie it would be like no no you ever seen uh billy madison yeah there's that scene where they're all getting on the bus and uh chris farley's driving the bus chris farley's the bus driver. He's got a small role.

And the super hot teacher gets on first. And Chris Farley's like looking at her ass as she goes. And she says to Adam Sandler's character, he's like, something Valen, whatever her name is. Vicky Valen? A few years ago, me and her got it on. And Adam Sandler's like, no, you didn't. No, you didn't.

Yeah, but this guy I know, him and her got it on. And Adam Sandler's like, no, they didn't. Yeah, but you can imagine what it would be like if they did. That's how that story went. It's like, yeah yeah but a guy I knew he got stabbed by his dad and he sewed it up no he didn't you can imagine what it'd be like

if somebody did get stabbed and sewed it up Vicky Ballagor that was wonderful yeah I've seen Rambo yeah First Blood that's all it was lacking from that story was him pouring some gunpowder in the wound and lighting it or something like that to cauterize it. Oh, yeah. No, it's whatever.

I like that guy. Yeah, I liked him too. I like, I mean, I liked indulging in his hockey discussion. I did too. And I'll tell you this. I believed his story about getting hit in the head with a puck. But yeah, I mean, you can find a scar. Because he showed me the scar.

Yeah. That's what you do when your story's true. That's what you do when your story's true. That's what you do when your story's true. You know, if he told us a story about defending his mother from attackers and getting shot in the foot with a pistol, but then he refused to ever show the scar. You shot in the knee.

I wouldn't believe that story either. I was shot in the knee. That time Wings took a 38 slug to the knee i i remember that's why he's not an adventurer anymore i remember um they we used to talk about my calves a lot and i was showing my calves and then he showed his calves and he held an xbox controller next to them for scale and he does have big strong calves and i was like oh show me the scar show me the scar Because he has a camera pointed at his calf, like already

in shorts, like it's there. And I was like, no, no, no. Let's move on. I need to get a similar setup going. Oh my goodness, buddy. You have a calf muscle there. Does it flex well? My legs, there's nothing

but muscle. There's no fat. There isn't a gram of fat anywhere on my legs. Can you see your femoral artery, like in your thigh, like on your inner thighs? Can you see that artery running down? I don't see it at present with the naked eye, so I think no. You're very thin. You're only like 6'3". 6'3". 6'3".

I weigh 173 pounds. And when I do squats, I can't exceed 25 pound plates on either side of the bar. Oh, I'm sure. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't know if everybody makes a big deal out of leg day. Nobody cares how much you can squat.

But Woody's calves are fantastic. Let's see him, Wood wood he just put a fucking picture in there he's he's he's fucking ready with that i'm full screen on this shit i'm full screen they're in the conversation boys they get poked look at those hamstrings hard i bust all over those i would trade them for big biceps like i think that's cooler but i was always kind of leg centric this is why you and i have this is why woody doesn't own a pair of long pants all the arm i know yeah all the arm response i get i'm like this is great like my my arms my

upper my shoulders like pretty much my whole body loves responding to muscle growth not my calves i cannot put on calf mass to say if someone put a gun to my head was like i'm gonna i'm gonna fucking kill you in six months if you don't have more calf mass and i come back and i'm like i'm trying i'm doing the calf raises i'm doing this how do steroids work if you inject them right in the muscle site does that help at all or i guess it's just in your bloodstream i don't think it deals with bloodstream what if this picture was in your phone and you hadn't shared it with us publicly I would never talk to you again if I just found this while scrolling this would be the creepiest

fucking picture I've ever seen you should join our whatsapp group you should hop in our whatsapp chat you will see some things. I have so many, so many photos on this. It looks like I'm holding nothing. But I have a lot on my phone. I got a lot of pictures of Woody naked. I have photos. There are photos of all of us in there, you know, and I delete them.

I delete them as quickly as I can because I'll be like showing some girl. I'll be like, yeah, yeah, look at this. This is, you know, this is my dad's place. You know, this is where I grew up. This is my hometown. You know, oh, here's me doing a cool thing one time. And yeah, this is my PC that I was talking about. Yeah, it's all red and black and everything. Yeah, I guess it was like those colors.

Who's that older gentleman with that shirt on? Oh, that's my dad? That's my dad. That's my dad. I met you a minute ago. I have no way to explain why Woody is in my phone shirtless. It literally happened. She was like, who's that? That's my friend Woody I work with.

Why is he not wearing any clothes? He's fucking ripped. Look at him. I'm aware that you delete my pictures. That's why I resend them sometimes. Why is he not wearing any clothes? I don't know where- He's fucking ripped! We're fucking ripped! Look at him! I'm aware that you delete my pictures, that's why I resend them sometimes. Oh, here we go, here we go. I just sent it. Two!

Two! Did you resend it again? You've been- It's because if you get a photo on WhatsApp, it automatically saves your phone. It automatically saves, yeah. I've got so many pictures of Vascular Woody in my phone. Guys, on my channel we've done it

in videos, on podcasts. We have the penis size hierarchy down to the centimeter. It's all figured out. 1 through 10 or however many people are in our squad. I'm sorry if I'm retracing something that's been covered before, but do you guys have

yourselves ordered one through three in terms of penis size? It's weird. They're identical. All three of yours? Yes, they're identical. He's being kind. I'm pretty sure I'm third. They're identical. We all have just girthy,

veiny, 12-inch penis. Oh, you're joking. They have both told stories just girthy veiny 12 inch penis stories that made me feel like I'm probably third like it Taylor is like I don't just describing some never taking a shit and you gotta reel it out yeah I'm like no you wanna hone some no yeah don't you hate that mine's too girthy to actually fit all the way in though

so that's lucky me I guess don't you hate it when you have diarrhea and you just unknowingly release pounds of shit onto your penis head that's that's sunk to the bottom because unlike other dicks that float in water mine's so dense

your dick keeps hitting the floor of the gym and you know it's dirty down there yeah I really did get it from a toilet seat trust me no we don't have a cock hierarchy or anything going on but i'm curious i'm curious at how is clearly it can't be a self-report thing with you and your friends in there there has to be some sort of judge some mediator some some consistency there we in a video we did recently

called i smoked the oldest tree in the world in which I smoked one of the oldest trees in the world. We went up to the Inyo County Bristlecone Pine Forest in Eastern California. 4,000-year-old trees. There's one called Methuselah that's allegedly 5,000 years old. We smoked one of the 4,000-year-old ones. But in the course of that video, we have this dude we brought back to our squad who is a full-blown LSD addict, and he has psychotic breakdowns, but he's classic when it comes to content. He was hung up on the idea of, during the course of the day,

having all five of us or four of us, however many were there, line up up present our penises reorder in terms of size and then have a graphic over our head with the measurement above or whatever did you all have to get hard flaccid or turgid flaccid not turgid we went into an antique shop in bishop california though which is just a little mountain town. And we got the purveyor of antiques, this 68-year-old guy named Bill, to judge the contest. And right there, I think... Bill's cool. I like Bill. Yeah, Bill sounds like a fucking champ.

He was the man. That was one of the top commented things, is this guy Bill is fucking awesome. But I think the patrons had just... They might not even have been out the door yet, but we were all cocks out with Bill grading us. That was half our squad. One neutral judge. Did you win? I got third place out of five, and I'm proud of that

because I'm very insecure about my penis size. There you go. There you go. You beat two of them. Did you make fun of them? Of course. What kind of question is that, Taylor? How much can you know unless you guys were hard, though?

Yeah, so I have two questions. One, was that ringer who made the porn video in the five? Yes. Okay, and did he win it first? He won the five. Yeah, he got first place. And now to Taylor's question, do you think that the order might have changed if you guys were hard i bet it would what if what if number two there is a shower and it just gets it's the same

thing and he gets hard and you you know unknown to him you're growing like crazy you may have been cheated out of a place my friend kyle get back here where's kyle is he taking a fucking piss during this conversation you can't miss. I'm talking more about my penis, man. I'm talking about my talk going on. I thought it'd be a good time to go take a piss. If you think I won't send you more topless pictures as penalty, as punishment for this, I'll start opening them up and saving them when they're bottomless. I'm going to...

I might actually do that someday. Just send a whole penis picture to our group. Just out of no reason. reason just be like thumbs up thumbs down what do you think the show or not a grower thing was irrelevant to me because i have the show or not a grower syndrome my hard penis i'm i'm not gonna say totally satisfied with but i'm fairly satisfied with however my limp penis is a disgrace and when i was in college i would get shit-faced i would get naked just do generally fratty stuff and i was ridiculed many a time by men and women while spotted roaming the hallways naked at 3 a.m so i have a complex about it and

me getting third with my limp penis good enough for me didn't think't think about it anymore. I'm glad that it helped you. I'm glad that that got your mind over that hurdle. It was therapy. So you were running around flaccid in college. And even after the first couple times where you're like, I don't like being ridiculed, you kept doing it. Yeah. You didn't mind too much. You enjoyed the attention more than the derision.

Yeah. You don't like the derision, but the level of derision is way lower than the amount. You get a net satisfaction from the attention, I think. Yeah, something like that. And then also, I always had it in mind that I wanted to have an entertainment career after college. So I looked at college as just an investment portfolio. And instead of investing in stocks or bonds, I was investing in debauchery.

The more stories I had of us gangbanging a chick on a balcony or me walking down Gailey Boulevard naked in the middle of the night while people screamed and tear, the better. Were you ever afraid walking? Like, you could just get straight up arrested walking around naked. Did that ever cross your mind? i'm exaggerating a little bit i usually kept it inside our frat house but yeah my theory was just that i was gonna do a bunch of insane shit so i could talk about it later on in life i remember i was i was like like i had that feeling of like the like you know when

people talk about like i peed outside and now i'm on the sex offender registry yeah like i don't really like i've been like fucking wasted before i'm like mardi gras down in downtown st louis this is years ago and it's like i have to pee so bad i feel like i'm gonna faint and it's like someone was like just go pee by that dumpster and like even drunk my head was like this is how people get on the sex offender registry. And I was like, I'll find somewhere else to go. Like, like even like, I don't know what it is. You, you do worry. Actually,

I did. I went behind a dumpster and I peed that time cause I had to go so bad, but it was, it was totally safe. No one, like no cop could have, could have seen every now and then someone gets on a list like that. And it's not fair.

It's scary. Two 13 year olds, uh, shit like that. Like two 13 year olds. Oh, I thought the joke you were making was, come on, 34 year old guy fucks two 13

year olds. He's on Megan's line. I'm a congressman from Florida. Do you know how hard it is to convince two 13 year olds to get you? No, no, when they're both 13, suddenly the guy's a rapist. It's like, how's that right? Yeah, they're both 13. It's great. I think what Woody's talking about is like when two 15, 16, whatever year olds say nudity back and forth and they're like, how's that right? Yeah, they're both 13. It's great. I think what Woody's talking about is like when two, like 15, 16, whatever year olds,

like same year, back and forth. And they're like, you're both distributing child pornography. Well, you're not. This is age appropriate child porn. Sure. How do you know? Well, I have it right here. You're possessing child pornography.

Or if a senior in high school, like a senior in high school a senior in high school turns 18 and he gets blown by a junior the weekend after his 18th birthday and he ends up on a list that's obviously bullshit yeah yeah depending on the state a lot of states have um they call them romeo and juliet laws where people can consent early but i need to move my ass to one of them states. I'm a pedophile, you get it? Yes, yes. In this joke, I'm a pedophile, you get it? Thanks for laying that out for me.

Yeah, you were happy to be third. I've told this before, but when I was like 12 or 13, I got a girl to touch my dick not exactly i think when i've been over the pants or but whatever like we were making out she touched my dick and then later there's this phone call right and back in the day you know you get like four ears by the phone and they're talking asking her questions and they asked her if it was big or not and i'm like sweating bullets i'm like oh no. I'm like, oh, no. Because like you, I wasn't really sure that this was going to be okay. And she said, ah, it was medium.

And I'm like, you know, fucking medium. Good enough. Good enough. Like a shirt size. That's what she said. But like now I look back, like she was 13 too. She doesn't know. It wasn't like she had a whole host of dicks to compare it to or anything.

Exactly. What year was that? 1987? It was in 7th or 8th grade. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Something like that. You might not have even hit puberty yet. So if you had a medium dick before puberty, it's a big dick now.

That's the thing. I was so late in puberty, and that's where all the nervousness came from. Imagine what a 13-year-old would think of your dick now. Dude, they're blown away. That's the biggest dick I've ever been forced to suck in an alley. Present tense. Medium would not be the answer. They can't answer because their mouth

is full, but if they could talk, they'd be impressed. You guys hopscotched over my fucking question about the penis size hierarchy. I got a 12-inch cock that clogs your toilet asshole being polite to you and not telling you See I made little jokes so so so we didn't have to point out that you and your buddies are fucking weird i don't know anybody who's ever done anything like that i know a lot of people now we know

one person weird people yeah that is 20 of our channel is just not even dick jokes just flesh and blood dick content i'm just saying there's there's no validity to a non-hard test that's you know if if like a scientist saw this he'd be like not no i wonder if girls know this right because most guys i think are just intrinsically aware that there's showers and there's growers and and the the turgid size is not unrelated but not directly related to the flaccid size i think girls might not know they might not have the same experience i think stupid i'm gonna pull up the definition i'm not gonna add anything that was a good response anybody who can't change a fucking tire i don't need them fucking judging cock sizes based on fucking some sort of braille system. Women don't even get

dicks, bro. They don't get them. You want a man judging a cock contest, wouldn't you? That's why I'm back to all men. You're making a lot of sense. Yeah. What were we talking about earlier? Jerk wars? We should have a cock war right now.

Yeah, we have to wank battles. Honestly, jerk wars is better so we'll do it like slap fights we'll slap each other in the face with our cocks until someone gives up i quit i'm gonna go ahead and forfeit right now you guys get at it yeah it's we're gonna be here for a long time if my little fucking gummy worms slap it around people's cheeks. You ever see those enormous gummy worms? You know, you can buy them at like, I don't know where they come from, but it's like the world's largest gummy worm. No one has ever finished one.

I got one at a candy store when I was little. You mean the ones that are like when you're eight? It's like the size of your wrist, and it's like three feet long. How much was it? I mean, I was eight, and my grandma took me into this candy store at the mall and i was so excited my brother made the smart move and he was like taking a bag because you remember those candy stores where it like has all those silos of candy you can get a lever and then it gets it and he was going around doing that and i was like dumb bitch i'm getting i like gummy worms i'm getting this

giant ass gummy worm and it turns out like like they're, they're, they're just gross. Like you really want gummy worms to be a one bite snack because if you take a big mouthful of gummy worms, yeah, suddenly like there's a, you know, it's like you take a bite out of an apple. It's such a big girthy gummy worm. And now like you can even see like, you you know when the sun's shining through the light and you're i remember specifically being in the back of my grandma's suv driving back from the mall with that took a big bite and like you know those particulate you can see in the light blades that come through the window like in the air that is all just immediately being sucked to the the sticky wet side from your mouth and it's just it's fucking gross if you're gonna do that

you know i'm pretty sure all these, these stores went out of business in like 1999, but regardless, don't, don't go the full gummy worm. Just get little candies. That's smart. You,

you mentioned the candy stores that have like all those silos of candy and everything. You know what? I really fucking love. And I haven't been to one in like shit, 10 years, those frozen yogurt places where you can go in and you pick the size of your cup but that ain't the price you you go over and you there's like i don't know six eight different

flavors of yogurt you put as much as you want in there and then there are so many toppings like 30 toppings like oreo crumbles peanuts fucking um coconut like everything you can imagine and how many chocolates you choose that's not the price it's not like they said that's not the price eating 50 cents each nope cotton candy like whatever you want like cotton candy free at that place basically free and then like it's like oh how do we figure out how much we owe you weigh that bitch you go over and put it on a fucking digital scale, and they're like, oh, three pounds, two ounces. That's $12.

Three pounds? Jesus Christ. You're making me serious. I mean, I remember... Three pounds, 12 ounces, by the way. It's pretty much four pounds. I don't like ice cream that much. That's not my sweet treat.

Really? It's my favorite. It's not my sweet treat, but I remember going to one of those places once and filling my cup entirely with Reese's peanut butter cups. And no ice cream? There was no ice cream. It's just a bowl full of

peanut butter. You're a step ahead of the game! They're crushed, which is actually a good thing. They're crushed, so it's like gravel. So it fills in cracks in the bowl. You can fit more in there. And it was way more expensive than the new. I need to weigh both to really know. Oh, and some of those places, if you guess the weight right, you get it for free.

Oh, I'd be bringing a digital scale in my pocket. The digital scale in my kitchen would fit in my back pocket. Damn, that's so smart. Dude, I want to pull that fucking scam now. I feel like it's Ocean's Eleven up in that bitch. The thing about the the weight ice cream. Coldstone Creamery for $4?

Johnny, you're going to distract that old bitch behind the counter and I'm going to weigh gummy worms. It's easy to make a bad dish though. Like a banana split is very good right most of the prepared things you buy from like a ice cream parlor pretty good they've got the right combos they know what works if just freaking young woody walks in there and puts six inches of toppings on yogurt it actually sucks yeah yeah you gotta pick complimentary flavors. Like if you're gonna do a peanut butter thing,

that's gonna be chocolate. Chocolate's going with peanut butter. Or maybe something salted, some salted caramel or something like that. Man, I like ice cream. It's just hard, because it, this looks good. You know what, look, I like candy corn. I like the marshmallow sauce.

I like hot fudge. I like peanut butter. I like all of these things. I like candy corn. I like the marshmallow sauce. I like hot fudge. I like peanut butter. I like all of these things. I like chocolate chips. I genuinely do like candy corn. Oh, my God. I can count the pieces of candy corn I've eaten in my life. I like maraschino cherries.

And you put them all together, and I don't like it. No, those things do not go together. I like cherries a lot. My favorite ice cream things, like toppings, definitely love cherries. And I had this praline stuff on ice cream a while back that was really fucking good. I like anything that's praline, whatever the fuck that is. Do you remember being a little kid and being blown away

at how quickly that magic turtle stuff hardened on your ice cream? Yeah! Or the Reese's version. Magic shell. Magic shell, It's a magic shell. That's what it is. Being like this is like it's how's more is this technology coming? I don't know. I thought it was so cool. You know what's a bad idea? I would put a magic shell in the refrigerator after you're done using it. Right like I think most of what you're supposed to do is maybe put a chocolate shell onto your ice cream and then put it away. And then go into the other room and eat your chocolate shelled ice cream.

And I'm just like, well, once I eat the chocolate shell off, then what do I do? Then I've just got ice cream. Yeah, let's just take this into the living room with us and we'll just keep adding more chocolate shells layer after layer. You know what I would do? I remember having like the little bowl and even as a kid ice cream wasn't my go-to I would pour so much of that shell on there on top

of it that like it would need a couple minutes to fully harden and then I would like, like I was excavating I would eat from the side and eat out all the ice cream and then I would lift up out of the bowl and it would just be something like this girthy all the way around, just a

little fucking igloo, and I would eat that like a candy bar. I stick by my method. Two scoops, chocolate shell, scoop, magic shell again. That's good. That's like extra fortification. Even better. Here's what I would actually do. I would take the shell,

I would take the bowl, and I do this with a lot of things. Like, if I'm going to actually, like, splurge on something and do something silly, like, I like things to be as, like, extravagant as they can possibly be, right? I really like that. I love beers and frozen mugs. So what I would do is I would take the bowl and I would freeze it first for my ice cream. And then once the bowl is frozen, I'd put a shell on the bottom and then the ice cream on top of the shell and then a shell on top of the ice cream. Wow. Were you a kid when you built that up? Yeah.

Yeah. But then getting the – A chubby little kid. Getting the magic shell off the bowl is like cleaning the inside of one of those oh i got time okay i'll have that bowl wrapped around my face just like a walking dead zombie just i'll break that bowl if that's what it takes we're getting that chocolate out danny what are your go-to sweet treats or are you like where you're a salty boy like the salty stuff salty boy that sounds like a sub-genre of a gay oh he's just i get it yeah is he a twink or is he a salty boy i got a little coming over tonight he's a salty boy my thing I talked earlier about going on an elimination diet.

One of the reasons I had to do that again recently, and I've been on it really hardcore, just meat, vegetables, and fruit for the past three months, is my girlfriend and I had this real bad addiction to Cold Stone. I don't know if Cold Stone is nationwide. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a marble slab.

Same shit. Yeah, you go in there, some pimply high school kid who has poor parents mixes some ice cream together right in front of you with all the toppings. And my shit would just be the cookies and cream, which is I think they crush up Oreos, add vanilla, and then the gummy worms. Regular size gummy worms. What the fuck? That was my shit, dude. That was my shit. And I would always get the gotta have it, which is the biggest fat assy size. And every Sunday I would have that. My

skin started getting way worse and I couldn't resist. I like a lot of desserts. I like desserts that nobody likes. I like this Indian dessert that is, and this is going to sound awful, but I promise you it's really tasty. Um, it carrots it's like pureed carrot almost you know what it's called i'll find it real quick it'll be real easy indian carrot dessert dessert indian carrot pound cake no it's it's like uh it's almost like rice pudding but it's cake it's called gajar halwa it's carrot and cardamom pudding. And it's like shredded carrots with cardamom. If you don't know what cardamom is, it's this Indian little, it's this cardamom pods or this Indian thing they use in cooking. They use it as like a spice and herb. I don't know what it

technically is, but it adds flavor to stuff. And it ends up tasting like this sort of, like a rice pudding or something. It's super fucking sweet. I don't know how much sugar they add to shredded carrots to make it a fucking dessert, but it's got to be two or three pounds. And it's really fucking good. They're way sweeter than the carrots. Yeah, Jack's been making me some sort of roasted carrots with my dinner that's really good. Sorry, Kyle. But the thing is, it's like a a 40 minute effort for her to put it

all together so i don't ask for it much you should i mean it's in the oven like it's so easy to roast potatoes carrots and like yeah it's an effort i know she slices them all in half and coats them and flips them or something it's not nothing that's i like it a lot that shit is really good i also like rice pudding uh which is like the least popular dessert in the world. It's literally rice and milk, I think. Where does a guy like you come across all these Far East obscure desserts? Oh, it's my favorite kinds of food. Those are my favorite kinds of food.

I really like – I think also. Yeah, I cook a lot, and I like exotic stuff. So I do a lot of Thai stuff, a lot of Indian stuff. I order a lot of like exotic spices and weird shit off the Internet and then I cook it. But I like rice pudding a lot and I like that Indian dessert. That's really fucking good, especially if you just have eaten some crazy spicy curry. And but but what I really like is fucking cheesecake and ice cream have you decided

uh hopefully i can go on the the pka little uh patreon thing this you know later this year that would be awesome i hope i can yeah have you you said you were planning on making some delish meals have you kind of narrowed down what you're what you would plan i'll keep it basic very good cook i want to i want to munch on some k food. He sends photos all the time and it looks like restaurant quality. Yeah. Um, I like to think I'm very good. Um, what I do with like, whenever I get into something, um, is I try to like, I find who, who, who's the best in the world at it, whether it's playing civilization five or like total war, war hammer, or it's just making a really good steak. And then, uh, I watched their videos over and over and over. And then I just cook it over and over and over until I feel like it's perfect.

Like I'll cook these filet mignons or these ribeyes for my dad and my mom, and they'll be like, this is the best steak I've ever had. And I'm like, I think it's a little overdone. You see how there's like a little thing here and there, and it's like, this is incredible. No, we haven't reached perfection yet but yeah i think um i try i i shoot for perfection with stuff like that because i think it's attainable yeah um but i think what i'll do um for that trip i'll definitely do a breakfast or two with like bacon eggs and french toast because i'm excellent at all those things i do

gordon ramsay's version of uh scrambled, and I do my own version of bacon, and then I make excellent fucking fries. Gordon Ramsay's, do your eggs look just like his when you make them? Yeah. Yeah, they're perfect. His eggs are so perfect. I fucking love Gordon Ramsay. I've got a...

They take a long-ass time to make. I am gay for Gordon Ramsay. I love that guy. He's a great television personality. I've just been absentmindedly watching some of his episodes. He's classic when he's interacting with a cross-eyed Middle Eastern guy from the San Fernando Valley, telling

him his restaurant sucks. Oh, he's so... Kitchen Nightmares, that's a great one. You have to watch the early seasons where he was genuinely mean-spirited to these people. Why are you a fucking retard? Would you serve this to your own father?

My God. Do you have no respect? No self-respect for yourself or your elders? My God. And just genuinely mean. He slaps those pieces of bread, as everyone knows, on that Asian woman's head and he goes, what are you? You're an idiot sandwich. You're a fucking idiot sandwich, aren't you? Get the fuck

out of my kitchen. He's great. Him and Simon Cowell. But for dinner, I'm definitely doing steaks and twice-baked potatoes. My twice-baked potatoes are so absurd. They're so absurd. They're so fucking good. How about a Wellington?

Have you ever made a beef Wellington? So the thing about beef Wellington is not only is it the most difficult dish to cook, but it's also the most expensive because you have to start with a fucking whole tenderloin. All right. You're, you're, you're, you're,

you're, you're, you're, you're, the cost of a beef Wellington starts out at around $120 worth of ingredients. Well, I'll go, if I'm able to go,

I'll go have some. I got a problem with that. If we were doing for a trip or something, I'm just saying I've, I've I'll go have I got a problem with that if we were doing it for a trip or something I'm just saying I've never done it I've never done it and it's very difficult it's expensive to learn to do like if you're learning to cook filet mignon it's like

alright these are $8 a piece $12 a piece something like that even if you fuck it up it's gonna be good but if you fuck up a beef wellington then it's all it's either soggy or burnt or like this weird mush what is it it's it's the tenderloin and then there's prosciutto wrapped around it and then they like paint what is it so you've got uh you've got puff pastry you got puff pastry and then um you've got a layer of pureed mushroom and that's been cooked so that all the moisture has been taken out and it's seasoned and then you've got a layer of pureed mushroom that's been cooked so that all the moisture has been taken out and it's seasoned.

And then you've got a layer of prosciutto or parma ham, and then you've got your filet mignon. And the filet mignon has been brushed with a Dijon mustard. And then it's all pushed together into one solid thing in the the puff pastry and it's baked usually you uh i think the the real trick is to cook the steak a little bit before you put it in all that other stuff but then it's baked to like perfect medium rare uh temperature on the inside you sear it before you put it in there yeah but but the the goal is for it to be perfectly pink on the inside but crispy on the outside which is this really difficult place to get to where you can you can easily go too far and the meat's brown

or you cannot go far enough and the uh the puff pastry is soggy and like i said you're dealing with a very expensive cut of meat and you can't just buy a i guess you could buy filet mignons and make individual ones that's probably probably the cheap way to practice. But getting a whole tenderloin is expensive. It's $120. My fiancee like a year ago or so just like wild idea was like, I'm going to make beef Wellington. And I was like, you know that's like really fucking hard to make.

And she was like, I'll try it. I got YouTube. She made it and it was perfect. It was delicious. She'd never tried it before. She just followed. She's like, I just followed the recipe.

I just, every step, I just waited the time they said, and then I did this. It's like baking, you know? And it was, she hasn't made it since then,

but oh man, my mouth is watering thinking about eating a beef Wellington. I, oh, I could go for that. It's really fucking good, but I think I'd rather have a steak than a beef wellington if i'm being honest like i like the whole menagerie of textures in it like it's so many different things yeah that's true that's true i've seen it i've watched

so many videos on how to do it i've watched gordon's and uh i've watched like two or three others on youtube i've watched gordon cook like three or four of them he's made so many different videos of it uh but yeah it's the one thing that I haven't done that I aim to do in the future, but it's just like, I'm really worried I'm going to ruin a big expensive cut of meat. No, you're, you're a very competent cook. You'll be fine. Maybe, maybe. That's what I was thinking. Uh, the twice baked potatoes, I bake a potato and then, um, I cut the top of it off like a little, like a little, make a canoe out of it. Take all of the potato out, put it in a bowl and I add just a mixture of things that are

bad for you like butter, sour cream, whole milk, salt, pepper, cheese, bacon. And then I take a potato masher and I mash that up until it's smooth and then I stuff it back into the potato and then I put another layer of cheese on top of that and another layer of crushed bacon on top of that and then I put it under the broiler for like 8-10 minutes until it's all

brown and crispy on the top and then you cut it in half with a fucking knife and it's incredible I hate sour cream though I can eat sour cream with a spoon knife and it's incredible i hate sour cream though i love sour cream i could eat sour cream with a spoon oh that makes me want to buy i hate white condiments i'm a condiment racist i i hate mayo i hate uh i hate sour cream they're my favorite condiments i think i could eat i could eat mayo with a spoon that's vile it's so good i love it like mayo what is mayo it's just like emulsified fat with like

egg whites and shit it's uh yeah it's oil and um i think it maybe it's oil and egg some condiments get like high calorie fast and it doesn't seem to be related to how good they are like like ketchup and mayo to me are equal tasty but ketchup's not that bad and mayo is the devil you know what the best condiment is is it's yum yum sauce that stuff you get at hibachi restaurants yeah that orange stuff that's the best condiment in the world to me. Isn't it just a different kind of mayonnaise? Oh, so it's high calorie. It's so high calorie. I was looking once. I was like, hibachi is pretty healthy, right?

I mean it's grilled chicken. It's white rice, vegetables. It's got to be pretty healthy. I looked at it. I was like, yeah, it actually is. It's white rice and grilled chicken. The guy dumped a half gallon of oil on it before. Then I looked.

I was like, well, how much is these two little cups of yum-yum sauce? Each cup was like 250 calories, and they're little bitty. There was like 500 calories of yum-yum sauce in like one plate of hibachi. So if you get rid of that, put some sriracha on there, then hibachi is actually pretty healthy. You know what I went to recently for the first time? I love hibachi. actually pretty healthy you know what i went to recently for the first time i i love hibachi like every time i go to hibachi i'm like how much would it cost for me to buy one of these and and like buy my own little outfit and i can be the guy at home being like

throwing an egg in my head because i would absolutely do that just your poor ex-girlfriend sitting at the bar and you're shooting fucking sake from across the way in that little bottle That's the fucking shrimp you bitch And I like I a friend of mine was this is a couple weekends ago was like hey there's this Korean He by so Korean key place what they they have a little kind of hot grill. Hey, let me stop you right there. You broke up a little bit. Try now.

Yes. I went to a Korean party. Nope, nope, nope. I'll shut up. Somebody else get the raise. I like hibachi too. It's dinner and a fucking show. I used to go to this from a small town in Georgia and they added a hibachi restaurant

20 minutes away, and I was like, there's no way that a hibachi restaurant in Commerce, Georgia is going to be any good. It was actually pretty good, but I was a little disappointed because they had Filipinos making the hibachi, and I wanted a Japanese man. Yeah, it's like when you see a white guy working at a sushi restaurant.

Or a black guy working at a Mexican restaurant. All bullshit. Like, if I get a white guy working at a sushi restaurant or a black guy working at a mexican restaurant all bullshit like if i if i get a white guy or a black guy at hibachi place it's like what am i paying for here i'm paying for authenticity i need a japanese guy here with the with the accent and everything flipping it that kind of shit i want that i don't want some guy named you know bryce making my food no thing what about what about a mexican guy mexican guy you know that that bleeds over close to that close enough i guess not i was no i want legit i want a legit guy who came from japan and learned in japan yeah some refried beans? My mic lagged. What? It lagged out a little bit.

I was going to say a Mexican guy with his eyelids taped up like he was Asian. Oh. That would be pretty fucking... I love that idea. You just feel like... And he does the accent. He's like, oh, hello. I am here for you. Oh, hello, everyone.

I teach you how to make a sushi. Yes, I'm from Tokyo, you know. You know. What's your name? Pedro. Don't ask questions. Pedro Son. Pedro Son.

Hibachi rules. But anyway, if I'm coming through now i went to a korean barbecue place and korean barbecue you can either go i think i'd actually been to one before but i did the thing where you just order food that they prepare for you and then you eat it like most restaurants but at this one and i guess all of them you can opt for like the little grill on the table there's like a small grill there and then you order these meats and they bring them out and you kind of cook it for yourself you have your little little tongs and things and you do it and i was absolutely like if it was just me showing up there i would

have been like this place is gonna have bullshit tear meat because it's all you can eat you just keep asking for more whatever it's gonna be ridiculous but a friend of mine like poisoned my mind and was like it's like the best it's so good and so i was i was so excited like two sundays ago i was like like i woke up that morning like i'm gonna get korean barbecue today i'm so excited and then i went and it was the the meat was fucking the worst quality i've ever had in my life it was terrible terrible. Uh, they, I, they, I asked this bitch at the beginning and I was like, what should we get? We've never done this before. She's like, Oh, get the brisket and, uh, the, the pork belly. And I was like, okay, we'll get those. Obviously she recommended those cause they were the cheapest things. I should have seen that.

The brisket comes out, it's unseasoned. There's no salt, there's no pepper, there's nothing on it. And so I cook it and I eat it and I'm like this is the blandest piece of shit i can't believe they gave us a whole bowl of this then i make the pork belly and i'm like this kind of looks like bacon the most bullshit low tier low tea bacon i've ever had in my life it was it was horrific active not even just actively bad i took one bite and was like, this is terrible. The whole way through, it was fucking awful and it cost like $100. I will never go to one of those places again. This was apparently one of the good places. It was absolute trash. If I'm going to an

Asian place where cooking is happening in front of me, I'm going to have someone do it for me and it's going to be a hibachi place. Hibachi beats the shit, the absolute shit out of Korean barbecue. No contest. Never had Korean barbecue. I think we've all had one of those, like, Fog de Chow Brazilian steakhouse places.

Those I do like. Those I do like. It's like that, except the meat quality is terrible and it's not cooked yet. That thing Kyle described, the Brazilian steakhousehouse is that what it is yeah so like where you raise the flag for uh like the green yeah i've told the story before i went there thinking that i would beat the restaurant you you can't there's no beating the house at this place they i may have gotten my money's worth it was expensive but i don't know it's 70 dollars

was it 70 i had 40 in my head i'm not sure it could have been i expensive. I don't know. It's $70. Was it $70? I had $40 in my head. I'm not sure. It could have been. I had $70. I thought it was rather expensive. The salad bar alone was like $15. I ate a lot. Joe Lozon and I had an eating contest and then afterwards they made fun of me for winning. Who makes fun of someone for winning?

What kind of bullshit is that? Joe Lozon is a two-time eating contest loser is he really did did he lose both times lost to me and lost to woody wow what a bitch yeah joe lozanne sucks dude i can say that because he it's like he doesn't have that killer instinct that will to win that you see you see it amongst like athletes and I don't know champions of any kind you know they just get like Woody and I

and it's just not there for it's just not there for Joe I'm not included and you're in Woody's elite have you ever won a can you beat Joe Lozon in an eating contest I would destroy both of you in an eating contest I don't know

You're talking to a set of champions While you are a contender Talking a big game Kyle You're one of my closest friends I would molest you in an eating contest It would so It wouldn't even be

What would the contest be? What are we eating? Pick anything bitch Anything We're eating rice Is that what we're going to eating? What are we eating? Pick anything, bitch. Rice. Anything. We're eating rice. Rice. Is that what we're going to do? Lose an eating contest? Yeah. That's exactly what I want to do. We're eating white rice

and we're weighing it before and after. It would be a bloodbath. I don't even know what you're getting into. You have no idea, my friend. Oh, one of us has had weight problems their whole life. And the other one hasn't. You're going to be like, where are you putting it?

I'm going to eat your food. Once you're bitching out, laying back, I'm going to reach over. I'm going to eat your food. I'm going to make you feel like a bitch. Joe and I did quarter pounders. I remember that. How many did you eat? Six or seven. Wow. And then did you eat? Six or seven.

Wow. And then did you start the contest? It was timed, though. It was timed! Okay, timed is something that makes it a lot harder. Why are you guys in so many eating contests with

UFC veteran Joe Lozon? He eats a lot. He's known for eating a lot. You know, because the guy thinks he can hang. He's known for eating a lot. When he goes to a restaurant, he orders two entrees. And you and Woody always just happen to be there? Oh, we've gone on some trips with him before. We've vacationed with him a few times. Yeah. How do you guys know him originally? I don't know. Kind of from the internet, from the show. Woody was a fan of him. Maybe talked about him on the show. We had him on the show as a guest then we invited him to come play paintball with us at a big like youtuber event we were doing in joliet he agreed and then he went again and we met him in boston first we

were going to pax east it was that's right yeah that's right we were all in boston for pax and uh he invited woody to come like roll with him you know jujitsu and uh uh Woody and I like took a fuck a train train planes and automobiles we went fucking planes trains and automobiles I think I think did I bring a girl with me did I have Jess with me I think you might have had just Kitty oh Kitty that's what it was yeah yeah and so so Kitty came along and uh and and Woody – why didn't I bring Jess? That's weird. I don't think – Anyway, we went out there and, I don't know, Woody rolled with him.

I think I filmed it and did the FPS Russia thing. Pretty good. He came in second. Yeah. Nice, man. Yeah, I was a fan of Joe from The Ultimate Fighter and from the UFC, and I guess he watched my videos. He said something on Reddit, and we just kind of met, and it turned out he watched my videos and he said something on Reddit and

we just kind of met and it turned out uh you know he liked my videos I liked his work and we met I always like Joe Lozon too from that season though I think that was the best season of the Ultimate Fighter season five a guy we had on our podcast was Marlon Sims who was the dude who got kicked out for the in-house fight where he slammed another guy's head into the concrete while that other guy was trying to armbar him. That's, wow. Yeah, season five and season one were the best ones, I think. Dude, season one, they get blacked out drunk the first night,

and then most consecutive nights after that. That's crazy. it got more competitive later on like season one no one knew it was up and yeah like i i guess those guys knew what an opportunity it was but you go on a couple of years and suddenly everyone is like i'm here to win this competition i'm here to make a life for myself i have whatever kid at home a wife a girlfriend and i've got responsibilities i need to succeed in this thing yeah and oftentimes uh young fighters don't have anything i don't have a backup plan so it's it's it adds to the like oh my god this needs to work sure but season one like you said like mma was kind of a yeah i say it was a new thing but it was a thing it was an evolving

thing people were still figuring it out there wasn't much money in it I wouldn't say it was a new thing, but it was an evolving thing. People were still figuring it out. There wasn't much money in it, so I feel like it was like the NFL in the 60s and 70s, where the quarterback would smoke a cigarette, chug a beer, and then jog out onto the field to start the offense. That's how MMA was in 2005, and it was awesome. And now, yeah, it's the same thing. A Brazilian guy, boy boy i need to make a ufc champion and feed my family i give thanks to god and that guy is eating fucking keto in the corner reading books then going to bed at five reading books what a bitch yeah that's that's how

the ultimate fighter is shaped up now every season has been unwatchable past like the junie browning season which i think was season 8. That was the last drunk psycho. I haven't heard that name in a while. Junie Browning was a villain on the show. He was an absolute asshole. Pretty tough guy. I used to

I hated him so much and I was training at the time. I would daydream about what would happen if I were to fight him. Wouldn't go my way. Junie Browning would kick my ass. But I did wish I could beat him. I hated that guy. He was totally hateable. Every move he made was hateable. Everyone on his team hated him.

Everyone on the other team hated him. It worked, though, because after he got off the show, he had created such a profile for himself. People hated him, but that meant they knew about him and they wanted to watch him. So I remember he was going to be ufc golden boy they put him in one of the primo slots for the ultimate fighter finale and mike goldberg and joe rogan the amazing transformation of this young man he may be bound for ufc stardom they wanted to turn him into this fucking like turn

this phoenix rising from the ashes story but then i'm pretty sure he got a dui or beat the shit out of his girlfriend and he was off the scene in jail you know who i liked who made a profile for himself that didn't it wasn't a winner winner von flu man like he invented the von flu choke i presume that's way I know. Yeah, that's the only reason I know him. I'm going to pull him up right now. I feel like he was from one of the early seasons of Ultimate Fighter. Am I wrong there? He was an early season guy.

I forget. Jason Von Flew, I think. There was a favorite on that show. He had a torn ACL, so he wasn't the best version of himself. And Von Flew's matching up against him. And he's sitting on the back porch he'd already won a match or two so this guy like he was the underdog in every fight and he somehow won and he's like tomorrow i gotta go up against a black belt in jujitsu he's a mentor the guy

owns a gym he's a total badass he's maybe favored to win the show and he's like, I got to figure out a way to beat him. And it was so heartfelt. It was so like, he's talking to the camera, but he's talking to himself. And it's like, I'm going to predict him in here. I'm going to fight a guy tomorrow that's better than me. And I got to figure out how to win anyway. And then he did. And it was, I caught the Von Flu, bitch. I was a fan.

I was in. I'm like, I got a fucking sick case of the Von Flu. When's he fight next? I'm in. The guy was awesome. And he had a pretty long UFC career. That sounds like incredible television. Him just in a semi-meditative state

talking about his predicament and what he needs to do. It would have been the best if he finished the guy with the Von Fluh choke, and that's what made the Von Fluh choke. He might have. I could look it up. I wonder how he beat this guy. It was the second season. I don't really remember much about the second season.

Was that Randy Couture and Chuck Liddell coaching that season? I'm not sure. No, they coached the first. Yeah, you're right. They coached the first. I don't remember who coached the second, but I remember all of those. The first cluster of seasons was pretty good.

Season three was pretty sweet, too, with Shamrock and Tito Ortiz. I could talk about this all night. Oh, by the way, he won by decision, the fight I'm talking about. I always felt like the Tito-S Shamrock thing was like a marketing stunt. It bugged me a little bit. Like Tito was relevant.

Shamrock totally wasn't. They fought each other three times or four times. Like they just stretched that thing out for fucking ever. Yeah. And Tito won all three times. So it was not like there was this big trilogy fight where they had to decide it. Tito just all three times. So it's not like there was this big trilogy fight where they had to decide it. Tito just always won. And they acted like he hated each other.

And then after the fight, they're like, hey, man, you know what? We both made a lot of money. It's all wins. And it's like that's what this was all about. And you got Tito, pretty relevant, good but not champion against Shamrock. Who's this over the hill? Does he even belong in the UFC? And they kept matching him up for the money.

UFC doesn't do that much. And I appreciate that about them. I, on the contrary, wish they would do a lot more of that. Because even though it was pretty clearly fake, the conflicts they had when Frank Shamrock or Ken Shamrock was leaning over the cage and Tito Ortiz was giving him the double birds and they were screaming at each other. And then when Ken Shamrock told Tito he was going to beat him into a

living death and Tito started laughing and then Ken kicked the fucking chair in his face. That was still really good entertainment television. Ken Shamrock had incredible instincts on how to sell a fight. And you gotta give it to him, even if you know it's fake.

I wish more fucking dudes from Brazil or Kazakhstan or wherever they're coming from today in the UFC would do shit like that. Brazil, I'm with you. Somehow these Islam-Russian guys that are coming into the thing now with barely any English,

I love them.'m i'm fucking i'm into nerga manenoff even though i get his name 80 right i'm into chasmat or hazmat or whatever the fuck the new guy is hazmat dude you give me a fucking russian with an abe lincoln beard and somehow i'm an insta fan and yeah and i don't know i kind of dig it they sort of talk shit in this autistic way that ends up being entertaining the way khabib talks shit is great i remember what he tweeted at connor after connor threw the dolly through the bus window why you throw bus dolly why not come on board the bus i don't understand in russia no one does this something really simplistic where it was a stream of consciousness narration of what was going on

he just tweeted it and i loved it connor was like where are you at could be where you went let's go where you at and he's like i said location like like he was out like what everyone knows where i am i'm in my gym i'm not hard to find and uh it was he answered literally to this sort of figuratively figurative question yeah i liked it yeah that's a great example right there of their autism their inability to see metaphor or idiom they just they read it straight up one of my favorite pieces of shit talking that's gone down recently was directed at khabib by dylan danis when he photoshopped khabib to make it look like khabib was holding a bottle of proper 12 and drinking it which is so taboo because khabib is so muslim and that's why khabib went over the side after he beat connor and double jump kicked

dylan yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of pictures of khabib photoshopped with a bottle of proper 12 oh that's funny uh yeah i i like khabib pal not a huge khabib fan i don't know if he dislikes him i don't like his personality

at all i just think he's so fucking boring like he's not cool like like like there's no way you can think khabib is a cool guy or he'd be a fun guy to like do a thing with he'd be boring and dull and just not interesting like you know you know they offered him 100 million to go fight uh mayweather and he's like why i need more money i have all the rice and silly hats i could want it's like dude i like that there's more there's more than one way to be interesting and one way is to be super duper sincere right connor goes up and puts on a show he plays a character almost every fucking press conference. This overly cocky, can't dent his confidence bullshit front he puts on.

Who the fuck are you, right? When the guy's like, I'm the hardest hitting 145. Who the fuck is that guy? Dude, that was the worst line. Taylor, I need your accent. The people who don't like that line, there's two people on the planet who don't like that line. There's you and Khabib. Yeah, that guy wasn't Khabib.

Khabib is also like, but you know who he is. But you understand, I am only a comedian. That's my frustration. I don't know this person is the most cliche, low-hanging fruit of an insult that's been used in all of the sports everywhere. And Conor in particular. I have seen Conor go on

the whole fucking UFC roster. Like, I could fight this guy. He knows how much everyone weighs, how long their arms are, what their record is, what their fighting style is. He is a... Conor is an expert in the UFC roster. And to pretend he doesn't know Jeremy Stevens is just stupid. He's not pretending he doesn't

know him. He's insulting him. He's saying that he's nobody. He's not saying, I doesn't know Jeremy Stevens is just stupid. He's not pretending he doesn't know him. He's insulting him. He's saying that he's nobody. Yeah. He's not saying I don't know you. He's saying, who are you to talk to me is what it means. Who the fuck are you? No one knows who you are. Everyone knows who I am.

He's just like, that's what he's kind of doing is laying. And the reason like. I get it. You could even make the case of like the reason that this is such a storied insult in sports is because it works. You know, if fucking Connor McDavid or Sidney Crosby or someone in the NHL gets like some enforcer who's hanging out in the AHL, like, fuck you, Sidney.

And he's like, who are you? Like, who are you? In that case, he doesn't know him. But, I mean, like, you even see that in uh there was one pat maroon now two times the only cup champion with different teams when he was getting called up from the ahl he was he's a bruiser he was trying to talk shit to someone on the anaheim ducks at one point i believe and the guy on the anaheim ducks was a real player who had been there and this pat maroon was brought up for just a couple of games and he gave like a like, like Pat room was like, fuck you, dude, fuck you. You want to fight?

And this other guy was like on the bench looking over, like, who are you? Are you Maroon? All right. You're in the NHL, huh? Are you enjoying it?

Is it like fantasy camp? Yeah. Enjoy the, enjoy the, enjoy the, enjoy the, like in that case, the other guy, they were a very different status.

This was like a champ. I don't even know. He might not have been champ. I know exactly how it happened. Actually. Fair enough. Then it, the other guy they were a very different status this was like a champ i don't even know he might not have been champ i guess i know exactly how it happened actually that's fair enough then and this is why i'm siding with taylor and kyle on this one was because a journalist asked connor who he would like to fight in the division actually i think he asked him who the most difficult fight would be and jeremy stevens commandeered the question while jeremy stevens was ranked probably pretty close to 10 connor knows it's me i hit harder than uh you know

any of these other 145ers i'm a dangerous fight for him i'll put him on his ass he commandeered the question and didn't even say anything funny so for that reason i'm very happy connor said he was the hardest hitting 145 pounder that when he knocks people out, they don't just go down. They stay down something close. That's a little better than you laid it out to be. And also, I think he was better than 10th. I think he might have been top five. Like he was right in there.

He was in that press conference, which meant he was probably doing right. These were all champions and like number top five contenders. And and then Connor hits him back with the you know who the fuck is that guy or something and i this would be more like ovechkin saying he's gonna win the cup and crosby being like who are you dude you know who ovechkin is stop it like he was invited to this elite press conference just like you were i get it he's not on your level but he's fucking ovechkin like he's also very good i feel. But I also get that like Connor, he probably has some, some stock insults like in, in his head, you know, ready for it. And he's not a comedian. Uh, he's probably not that quick on

his feet. Uh, these fighters notoriously slow in a conversation with a quick comeback generally, like they're not very good at that cause they they their living is getting the shit kicked out of them and i could totally see him floundering and panicking and being like who the fuck are you oh you don't even fucking know me you don't even in my fucking league i got two belts two belts not for nothing you know that that kind of shit like just trying to real pump it up and like floundering a bit but he's his delivery is so good his delivery is perfect and he unlike a lot of these i don't follow it the way you you two do but i look at it from the business side of it and see like he knew exactly when to capitalize and he now knows that he doesn't really need to fight

anymore like if he wants to pop back in it seems almost like it's a way to promote his other endeavors as much as it is a way to get some popular to fight. I can't deny it's working. It's working. It's clearly working. That'd be like me saying Coca-Cola's advertising is ineffective. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, really?

It's not right. I cannot like it. But don't deny it's effective. You dummy. Like, yeah, it's not the product itself. It's like when people talk shit about Donald Trump, well, he's worth $5 billion and he's fucking the second hottest first lady,

so go fuck yourself. The second hottest first lady? Yeah, behind Michelle Obama. Damn, that bombshell. Michelle Obama. Bombshell Obama, they should call her. Except no. who was the first no he was joking that the first was Michelle

was that the joke that the first was Michelle yeah that was the joke I thought it was a Jackie O reference I don't know why I made that up on my own I love the callback Danny and I was looking at your podcast page the Danny and Leo show it's doing really well.

You guys are doing great. Yeah, yeah. We're fucking plugging along, dude, doing a little podcasting. My main thing's always the main channel. That always gets 98% of my attention, so sometimes the shows feel a little thrown together. You guys don't get on your show, right? Sometimes. Yeah, I was going to ask you.

This just reminds me. We were... What's that mean? Can I call in sometime? That'd be a good time. Absolutely not. This reminds me. You absolutely can, Taylor.

You've got to do some Donald Trump impressions for me on command, though. I always never get tired. And we've got to hammer out our Billy Bush, Donald Trump, getting off the bus at a convention of black people and retarded people, too We got to do that. But yeah, we're going to nail that down. Kyle was talking earlier about cooking steaks for his family and him feeling like he didn't do a really good job yet. His family enjoying them and saying they were some of the best steaks they'd ever had. Do you guys get a similar feeling when you're doing shows? Because I know for me, probably one out of every three podcasts or video performances, I just feel flat. I feel like there's a fog cloud in my brain.

My tongue won't coordinate with my head. And sometimes the audience is none the wiser. And I was curious if you guys feel similar about that. No, I'm always fucking razor sharp and I just feel like every time every time I sit in this fucking chair and just speak into this microphone, is this better than the last time? It's like, god damn.

It's amazing. What do you need these other two for? I thank you for keeping me around. You're probably wasting my fucking time. I don't know, I feel like my idea for the PK upgrades where we just cover lifeguard stories,

academic stories, and whatever the fuck else I said would be ideal. No, no, no. Danny, I feel that... I feel the same way. I feel like I'm right about a show being good or bad about 75% of the time. Like, you know, the right answer is what the audience says, but I predict it most of the time.

And it's also funny, like, sometimes, like, I'll do, like, a bit where I'm doing impressions or something, and I'll finish the show, and I'll be like, damn, that bit was hilarious. Like, I did a really good job on that one. I'm glad I thought of that stuff. then like like it nobody cares about it and then other times I'll like end the episode and be like damn I just this is what I'll feel Danny I'll like sit down on my couch because I can't fall asleep after this I have to stay up for a couple hours because I'm feeling on yeah I'll be like god damn it I just don't feel like I did a good job tonight I don't feel like I was very funny I don't feel like i had a lot of good jokes like yeah and sometimes and then i'll like think back on things on like joke

potential triggers and i'll be like and i'll be thinking for hours after the show i'm thinking of things that people said and jokes i could have made and it drives me bananas and then sometimes those episodes are the ones that people are like oh you fucking killed it on this story really that one really so you never really get a good gauge yeah i heard howard stern talking about this how he'll go out and do a show and all he can think about is the potential for comedy that was there that he didn't capitalize on i hear when i watch football games i hear troy acheman say about tom brady or josh allen boy i could. Boy, I bet he wishes he really could get that throw back because he misses his receiver by five yards. This weekend, for instance, we went out and we did a contest where all my employees had to compete in supercar racing and

marksmanship to see who was the best employee. And we get to this. We get to this fucking supercar place and I get like the shittiest time out of anybody on the track and i go up and i complain to the management like hey there's something's wrong with the scoreboard up here your guys's timers are faulty and then this big fat black girl is like she comes up and she holds my hand and she starts being on my side and talking shit to the management and her and i and she's not with you she's not with me but she's like boy you better you better fix your motherfucking scoreboards you don't be fucking over my boy and then her and i i briefly had a little romantic moment with her but i left and i was like holy

fuck i should have leaned into that for five minutes it should have romantic music cue that up i hold her hands and look into her eyes we get an uber to the best little chapel on charleston street in downtown vegas i fucking left this comedy gold mine on the table totally relate to what you're saying taylor it haunts me that is the most infuriating thing we're like for what it's worth danny you're completely right you blew it yeah thank you there's nothing more frustrating than like getting two minutes into a bit and like you kind of you run out of improv for a second so you move on and then later you think of a million improv ideas and thoughts and and jokes it's like fucking day like I I don't ever really re I very rarely re-watch

any of our stuff but if i do i'll re-watch the highlights of stories i've told and i'll be like okay like and i'll listen to it and usually i'll look at the comments and i'll be like oh this is so funny this is so good and like everything i'm hearing is like that was phrased terribly that could be yeah here what are you a fucking retard you stumbled over your words there are you are you are you stupid like just you should have said this you should have taken this angle and i get mad at myself oh me too man and i'll be like oh my inflection is so flat i said um and like there and i started this sentence with butt three times in a row what you're saying though about seeing these improv angles and

moving on i think that's good though because i feel like going down an improv angle and completely bombing it and butchering it undoes the two good jokes you had before so sometimes knowing when to back off is important if you want to see me drill impression bits into the fucking ground come to my twitch channel taylor murk i'll do entire streams where i'm just taking requests and people some guy like we got like 20 minutes out of this stream some guy was like do uh do hank hill but uh but boomhauer has been raping bobby or something it's like dang old bobby take the dang old pants off, man. You know what I mean? Oh, are you raping my son again?

Boom, hammer, god dang it. He said he wanted to see my bussy and I showed it to him. It's just going over, are you fucking my son's bussy? Just over and over doing that. And I'll stop in the middle and be like, that was bad. That was a bad one. Are you fucking my son's bussy are you like just and then just try that it's i i have so much fucking fun on my twitch streams on those just impression practice ones because there's no pressure nobody's fully fleshed out

bit yeah just be like hey can you do a cronk from can you do cronk and Putty and Joe Swanson? It's like three people all the same voice. It's the same guy. It's all the same. So it's fun. Taylor Merck on Twitch. We have a good time. I like that he's a voice actor that doesn't do impressions.

Yeah. He really is. It's like, hey, Peter, we're going to go down to the clam. Hey, a lion. A lion. You want to fuck? A lion. It's all the exact fucking same.

I love that guy. It's just like, yeah, we're going to give the poison to Cusco. Cusco's poison. Who's the guy from Bob's Burgers that's also from Archer? That is John Benjamin, I think. He also doesn't seem to do impressions. He just does that. Don Benjamin, I think.

He also doesn't seem to do impressions. He just does that. That's like the golden goose, is to just have a voice so good, so wonderful that it fits into every scenario. That would be great. You are a really gifted impressionist and voice guy. I wish I could do what you do.

I try, but I am not a good actor, and I don't have a good ear for accents so i'm pretty limited with what i can do that way comedically thing danny and al taylor practices a lot like like i can't do impressions i'm terrible at it but i never practice right he's like oh yeah you know how like when you're driving to work you're just practicing it again and again you're working on it you think about it you critique yourself you whatever you whatever and i'm like no no these are all first efforts on the show from me yeah i do that like i autistically do that like i'll walk around like in between bench sets and just and just be like i was a governor

in minnesota you know i people tell me I wasn't a – that's bad. People tell me – now, damn it, fuck, I can't get Jesse Ventura right now. It sounded perfectly passable to me. He could get it all right there. He moves his mouth in a wide way when he speaks, and it brings the vowels to the front. And so, like, that's how you have to look at it. Yeah. And, like, you can figure out

impressions pretty quick if you just realize where the vowels place in the mat like cruel fool like if you're in southern accent it's in the front of your mouth right there and then like wow german and shit russian for the back in your mouth like you just know you just figure out where to place the consonants in the in the vowel sounds and you can figure it out do you see this is a real expertise that he has. Yeah, I'm blown away man. One time I was doing an impression and I was like I don't know like how to say it right or what to say and he's like yeah Woody those are pretty much the two things you need.

Where'd you get that figured out? Kyle you know like when you're doing Russian, like feel where Val's placed in throat. It's right here. It's very fat tongued. It's in the back. Your tongue's wide. Where's the Val? I want to try a Russian right now.

It's coming from back here. Russian is you feel it here. Pay that man his money. Pay that man his money. I can't get it in my voice. It comes out of where it comes out. I don't know what you're talking about. Your tongue's going to stay flat in your mouth.

It's not going to be doing it. It's mostly flat. Big half section of tongue has to stay flat to mouth. This is my Russian accent. I am Vladimir from Russia. Oh, I am Woody, and this is my Mexican accent. Oh, way. I love how Woody's accents

he has to clarify. And people who don't know how to do accents or like voices, they always go back to bullet. Everything is a bullet. I do like it when Taylor will sometimes do an accent. like, voices. They always go back to bullet. Everything is a bullet. Yeah. I do like it when Taylor will sometimes do an accent. It's Scottish, and it drifts into Irish or something else.

That was so hard. That was so fucking hard. Yeah, but he calls himself out. He's like, you know, like, he's doing it a bit, and then 30 seconds in, he's like, and now I'm Irish. It's like, yeah. Yeah, it's like complaining that an australian accent sounds new zealandish new zealand and scotland shouldn't exist fuck them i've been trying to

figure out like south africa south africa is a little harder than new zealand harder than new zealand it's a little tougher there and now i'm already drifting into australia and you see how tough that is yeah yeah it's really hard the the south african is this weird mishmash there's there's i don't even know exactly what's going on there but i recognize it when i hear it the eye is very weird they go teen fiend is it teen and a bean and a fiend i can't even approach it it's very teeny you know yeah i i do i i i entertain myself so much just just doing voices it's so much that's great man that's your thing you know i just wish i was better at it like i try and figure out more people to do uh because it's so much fun but yeah peter griffin's impossible i can't do fucking peter griffin because that's like your David Attenborough. I like your David Attenborough a lot.

I think your Homer is rather passable. You got the King of the Hills shit down pretty fucking well. Everybody can do Jerry Seinfeld, but yours is fine. Yeah, well, everyone can do Jerry because it's more of a joke. This is way up here. It's more of a joke. Like being hyperbolic with it. Yeah, and his cadence.

Why? Everyone hates. up here. It's more of a joke. Like being hyperbolic with it. Yeah, and his cadence. What? Everyone hates, you know? Just don't fuck, you know? Whatever. Because he was an 80s guy. He was. So you guys want to call it a wrap?

Yeah, I'm going to sleep. My sleep schedule's so fucked. Wait, I thought you woke up right before the show. Is that a joke? Yes, with not going to sleep. I'm going to sleep. My sleep schedule is so fucked. Wait, I thought you woke up right before the show. Is that a joke? Yes, with not nearly enough sleep. Oh, fuck. Yeah, last time I was on here, I think you were staying up until like 11 a.m. Yeah.

Yeah, today I stayed up until like 4 p.m., went to sleep, and woke up two and a half hours later and did this. So I've had like two and a half hours of sleep, so I'm going to bed. I'm going back to bed. I woke up at 6.30. I'm fucking pooped. Yeah, that's where I am. Danny, where can everybody find all of your wonderful content? Not on Twitter

at Danny Mullen, but on Instagram and on YouTube at Danny Mullen. Perfect. Alright, PKA 545.