Painkiller Already - PKA 569: Best Grocery Store, Woody Strikes Out Story, Kyle‘s Court Case

Episode Date: November 13, 2021

pka 569 guest had a dental emergency i'm told so it's just the boys tonight just us hanging out i think that's um the writer right that gentleman okay he's gonna be interesting um i need to i think we're weren't we gonna have him on once before we had a mic issue or something or he was on a phone or something i think we did have him on once before i think he's come on a phone i think he came on on regardless of what it was it wasn't good enough and i am a meta asshole when someone shows up with bad audio i have like him for woody it's it's so i don't like it respect my show the fuck you showed up here holding your phone sideways i i'm i'm murderous people in the audience think he's exaggerating right now i just want to crawl into a hole sometimes like all jokes aside he is only exaggerating by 15 like he doesn't puff his chest out and get ready to hit people because you know

he's behind a monitor but he does he will be very condescending, and he'll just be like, well, you know, we do do an audio show here with video, sort of an audio – audio video. That's what I would describe the show as, and you have come with no video and terrible audio, and I'm just wondering why. Why would you do that to me? why why would you do that to me and they'll be like like they'll have this i i can't replicate awful awful audio but just imagine some sort of scratchy yelling at the mic from the next room bullshit and then they make virtually no change and it's you know is that better no that's not fucking better that's awful you shit for brains it. The most like as an observer, when this is going on most of the time, it is funny to watch because sometimes you won't start. We were supposed to start six central, seven eastern. Sometimes it'll get to six thirty, seven thirty year time.

And it's 30 minutes of us troubleshooting a guy. And for the last 12 minutes, we've known that this is an insurmountable feat. And so it's more of a how do we tell him to leave? Like, because we can't start it like that. It was so funny. I'm usually the one that has to say like, all right,

well look, we, we'd love to have you on the show sometime, but I don't think it's going to work out tonight. And you know, we've got four hours to go. So we really have to get started. Let's get,

let's get together in between now and next time when you, when you come back on, and we'll get your stuff all fixed up, and we'll kick it off smooth next time. In fairness to this guy, it was a dental thing. He did not have audio. Well, he did last time. See, this is the second cancellation. Are we sure?

That's the joke. Well, I don't care if I'm sure or not. I'm going to say it's true. This entire show blends together. Everybody believes me now. Doesn't it? Like someone will mention in a message, like, I loved that blah, blah, blah bit, and it's true this entire show blends together everybody believes me now doesn't it like someone will mention in a message like i loved that blah blah blah bit and it's like huh no memory of that i get the they'll be like uh-huh they'll quote a line that i said right like i don't know drowning

my wife with jizz or something and it's like oh yeah i did say that i forgot that's not me all day that's just me when the lights are on yeah yeah i uh i have no memory of this show once i get off as i said and in the past it was marijuana um and in the present it's marijuana but there was a period where it wasn't i've got my delta eight now because i'm back in Georgia. Totally different. I mean, what is that Delta 8 contraption? Oh, so, yeah. So these are like... That's fancy. That's the cartridge.

And this is just like a universal, like, vape pen, basically. It's like the... For $6 more, I could have gotten one that looked like, you know, like a long pen. But I was just like, yeah, give me that $8 one or whatever it is. And I don't know. They just pop in and you adjust it to, like, fit. It's like a universal adapter. And then, yeah. You like, yeah, give me that $8 one or whatever it is. And I don't know. They just pop in and you adjust it to fit. It's like the universal adapter. And then, yeah.

We should get on the show that we haven't done in like 10 years. Hear me out. A girl. Oh! No, no, no. Turns out half the people are girls. Not the ones that listen to this show that's true

you would be in a population crisis if the demo of the world was the demo of there would be 11 women hiding in the woods alright Snufkin this is gonna be rough we need you at the compound for breeding

I can't remember having a girl. We need a good girl that can do a lock and load read. Who was the last girl we had on? A cat gun comes to mind? Have we had one since her? Was it Optic Midnight, maybe? Yeah, definitely Optic Midnight. She's good.

I like her. That's my guess for the most recent. It's not a sexism thing because I'd love to have a girl on the show, for sure. It's just that they're not very funny as a gender. For me, it is a sexism thing. For Taylor, it's totally sexist.

It's not that I'm prejudging women. It's just that all of them are unfunny. Yeah. You and Kyle seem to come in down there. We'll find a funny down there we'll find out we'll find a funny lady and we'll get her on okay um are people clamoring for a female guest anyway yes no are they yeah i didn't think so no people don't clamor for guests based on like if they're white or black or a lady it's like get this person who it's either like get this person who is so

far get trump someone so far above us that it's unrealistic or it's either like get this person who is so far get trump someone so far above us that it's unrealistic or it's someone like hey there's this there's this meth head i know perfect for this do you guys get those messages where it's like someone saying that they know a drug addict or someone who's insane that would just be great and it's like no if anything it would probably be sad like yeah it wouldn't be fun um i find that whenever we get one of those guys who are like have like a really sad life and you try to make like laughter out of it because they're not entertainers they just kind of had this attitude of like yeah it does suck living in a car and you're like oh shit well that's not funny at all living in cars ain't funny

do you remember when we found the transgender sex worker on back page that's exactly what i was referencing yeah yeah uh it must have been a long time ago i don't think oh i think it might have been pre-u yeah and and i was not as like transgender savvy or anything like i thought it was funny and um we called her and like Kyle said, she was just kind of sad. She was really having a hard time. She rolled with the punches pretty well, but yeah,

we were over time. I think I was shitty to her. And what was interesting, I remember it pretty well despite the marijuana. Cause I was very high that night. She was in Thailand, right? She was actually in Thailand. Cause I remember she was very high that night. She was in Thailand, right? She was actually in Thailand?

Because I remember she was facing serious discrimination. Nothing like what we face here. In Thailand? Something like that. I thought they were cool with trans stuff. I don't know what Thailand is like. I know about the ladyboys.

Of course. You're a subject matter expert subject matter expert um um it's it's a i'm i have a we were saying get me back into thailand it kind of evolved from like lol can you believe we have a transgender person to this is a person in crisis a person with like depression and hurt and uh i don't know i would read i would do it differently if i had another show oh yeah oh yeah because i think it got a fit excuse me i'm gonna cough this is probably 10 years ago if it was yeah you know the very very beginning of the show no one knew about trans stuff 10 years ago well you can't really blame yourself like it

no i don't know i mean we we were in our in a way educating ourselves that night because we learned some stuff um from that individual because we didn't know and like we didn't have people in our lives who were really i didn't get it i didn't know what was going on um but it was interesting to speak to her and uh no we left the conversation sort of sobered and uh um the way i remember it and maybe not externally but at least on the outside i think maybe external i think on the show we were like fuck well we don't want people to beat you to death that's nonsense remember that people are going to beat you to death because you wish you had a vagina is that what this is like like yeah pretty much also you know i'm i'm a criminal oh you didn't mention that before i wish that had been it i wish i wish we'd found out that the reason they wanted to feel like

feel like beaters because she's like a pedophile or something like that i also love children it sets it up that like that she's the victim it's like i just keep i can't stop hitting kids at public playgrounds just smug little fucking faces and you wouldn't think in this day and age they wouldn't strike a woman but they beat they do they think it's their forefoot nothing they could take me i think it's their forefoot nothing. They could take me. I think it's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember that very well. Yeah.

I don't know how we got on that topic. I don't either. Anyway, this show is brought to you by Blue Chew and Smart Mouth. No guest. Kyle's coughing a lot. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, Kyle, what could it be? It's this Delta 9 that i hit way too aggressively um it's very strong like this is 90 percent as

strong as marijuana delta 8 make you cough more than pot i can't tell the difference so so like there's so many ways as we've talked about many times there's so many ways as, as we've talked about many times, there's so many ways to intake this stuff. When I do a dab, I cough a lot. It's, it's for a newcomer to, uh, doing dabs. It's scary because you're like, am I having an asthma attack? Like I've never had an asthma attack. I don't have asthma, but I've seen people have them on TV. Like you're usually every cough, you sort of feel a little better because like each cough is clearing something out and getting fresh air into your lungs and

inflating them more fully than they were before. But it seems like when you take a dab, your lungs are like, what the fuck have you done to us? Turtle mode, turtle mode. And it's almost like getting punched in the solar plex, how it takes a while. You can't forcibly inflate your lungs all the way right away. You're kind of gasping for those breaths. it sucks it's a panicky this does not sound like a good way to get high it is the best way to get high um you suffer through the first 60

seconds and then you are out of your goddamn gourd you're actually what i consider to be stoned and uh but but kyle's a gatekeeper when it comes to i'm being a gatekeeper here look look look i guess it depends on tolerance of course and a lot of other factors but when you do concentrate you are getting stoned you're good you're you're fucked up but no like like this is like i don't know probably like the third best way to intake this stuff but this stuff is different than marijuana like you said i think it does hit a little bit differently um but they all make me cough if i take big hits like i like i just took of this when i was in um illinois last week i had a lot of those uh vape pens what's interesting the same company makes that makes these for delta eight makes them

for thc because like i'm sure Probably an easy little transition on their line. But think about how weird that is, that visually speaking, they're identical. Completely identical. Like this item and the item that I would purchase in Illinois that has THC in it. I don't know. I wish that this was like fucking Disney letters

and cartoon shit on it, and it didn't look like what the real shit looked like in lr you wanted to be like a children's toothbrush with like captain marvel on there yeah i cleaned my luggage out so many times making sure i didn't have like a cartridge or something in my pocket before i fucking came back oh you you're talking about dabs i like when i was in college like pretty much all everybody smoked was flour and i had a bong at my apartment and I would rip that and smoke flour. And I liked it. I remember the first time I took

a dab, I went to a buddy's place and it was before a party. Pretty sure it was the first time I took a dab and we're at his apartment. And like, you know, those like almost little towns they make on college campuses with tons of like apartments and villas and things. We were at one of those and it was maybe 30 minutes before people were scheduled to arrive. And he's like, dude, we're all going to do a dab before people get here. And I'm like, I've never done that before. And already I see the blowtorch on the table and I'm intimidated. This is a level of drugs I'm not prepared for. And so they're like, don't worry about it. You smoke, you smoke out of your bong, like with flour. Just imagine taking like three big hits of that. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, this is less scary. I guess it's just a more economical way to do it. They gave me way too

big of a dab. And I think I coughed the entire 30 minutes until people arrived. And I had the most stressful, probably hour after that point before I came down to a reasonable okay level where like delayed, like, like you're like, I'd reach to like get a beer or like a glass of water and i feel like my hand should be four inches ahead of where it is like it's it was it was terrible and i i didn't do a dab for a long time after that because i was like fuck this this is like this is like ever clear to what bud light is in you know i'll go with a slow roll do you remember how big the dab was like Someone did it for me. I wasn't even looking at it.

They had it on the little thing, and it was a ceramic nail, and they were just saying, just hit it like a bong, and I just kept hitting it until they stopped moving the thing, when in reality, they should have put a little bit on there, and maybe a little more, just kind of dabbing it, instead of doing that swirly scoop where you're

trying to get the whole thing off of the dental tool that you use to to put it there or whatever that thing is you know i'm talking about it's called a dabber um yeah yeah that's still too intense for me i don't want to i don't want to do those i'm fine with just the little vapes that's that's all good and look at how much the i'm not enjoying that was too much. I haven't hit that particular one in two weeks or something. It's been sitting on this desk. And for whatever reason, that is a stressful amount of high I am right now. And that is making me cough way too much. I don't know.

Maybe sitting here made it more potent. But yeah, I know what you mean. Dabs are my favorite way to get high. It's too much. It's too much. You just do less. You just do less. And that helps like how intense they are as well like if you just do less it's not as it does taste nicer i noticed that the first time i did it is that it tastes a lot it tasted like

cleaner and sweeter almost whereas you kind of got some some nonsense with flour so i'm sure i was getting bullshit quality flour in Missouri in 2010. Yeah, you never know if someone has grown it indoors and sprayed it with a pesticide or some sort of miracle grow nonsense and not cleaned it off. That was always the biggest fear, buying weed

from just some dude. Yeah, give me some. Give me some. He didn't grow this in his apartment and spray miracle grow on it, did he? Probably not. You didn't grow this in his apartment and spray Miracle-Gro on it, did he? Probably not. Probably not. You don't know. You don't know what you're smoking.

No clue. But I mean, the Miracle-Gro, don't you, you spray that on the base of the plant to make it grow faster. You're not dusting the nugs with that. I don't know, man. I don't know. I've never grown any. I've heard of stuff like that happening. Like, you know, when you look at the idiots who grow meth and how they're always blowing themselves up.

Who grow meth. Yeah. My meth plant is coming along nicely. This fucking toothless retard growing meth in a potter in the corner of his living room. Is Miracle Grow bad for you? If you smoke it. Miracle Grow is good for gardens.

That's why I'm stuck. As a kid, I used Miracle-Gro is good for gardens. Yeah. That's why I'm stuck. Because as a kid, I used Miracle-Gro on my tomatoes and whatever. And Kyle's like, I hope he didn't use Miracle-Gro. And I'm like, that's what you put on plants. I didn't consider that you burn it and inhale it differently. I'm more worried that he's getting some Miracle-Gro spray, like cross-contaminated, like right on the thing I'm going to smoke, like the bud.

Miracle-Gro spray, like cross-contaminated, like right on the thing I'm going to smoke, like the bud. And I'm going to smoke like some sort of really any kind of pesticide or chemical that you would add to any sort of plant. I wash my nose like a tomato. Are you still hitting that thing or has it just been 16 minutes and you're still coughing? It's been about four minutes and um i am uncomfortable um i don't know why that hit so hard that's what i was saying a minute ago um not feeling well it'll go away yeah this is awful this is a terrible this is not a good selling point to woody who's like oh you know what he's coughing a lot he's having to mute i think i'm over i'm good over here with my coffee or this is type two five. This is type 2 fun.

It'll be type 1 fun in just a few minutes once you stop. Don't you have a water or something next to you? Jesus. I've been drinking the whole time. It doesn't help. It's like in my lungs. Have you considered pouring it into your lungs? Yes. It's going to be difficult. It would be hard to force

yourself to inhale drinking. The same way you can't poop your pants on purpose sure you can wait hold my beer okay well it's supposed to be very hard to poop your pants or pee your pants on purpose I do it all the time if you're standing there sober as a bird

and someone's like alright I'll give you $100 to piss your pants right now that's not going to be a one minute thing you're going to have to get yourself in and be like, okay, it doesn't want to go because it knows I'm wearing pants. Shitting would be even harder than that. I think it's easier to shit than piss. How so? I don't know. I just think I'm going to push.

I'm going to push. And if I got to go, I got to go. I think it's coming out. I guess that's true. Yeah. And I think it would be – it is harder to piss because sometimes like i don't know like especially after it's kind of like after sex how you're like come on go go what's in there calcified cum is what's in there two streams god damn it

came out like uh like one of those string cheese things that had been peeled really thin. You have to pull it out. We'd all pee after sex every time after that. You'd never allow that to happen a second time. My cum comes out like a fire hose now. After one week of lock and load, I told everyone

that it worked and that I now have big loads. I thought I was telling the truth. I didn't know where this was headed. It is comically large. Isn't it? It's so funny. Like we were fucking around.

I was like, this must be what they're talking about. It wasn't. My wife and I just last night, we were fooling around and she finishes me and she's like oh oh my god oh my god oh it's i i turn on the light and it looks like it like there was a brief rain in the bed on the sheet it's like oh it's all here all over the sheet it's all over you it's look at the side of the sheet. It's on the dresser. It is, you know. We can't do this while the ceiling fan is running anymore.

What's the opposite of emasculating? Masculating? It's emasculating to bust so much. But we can talk more about that in two hours. I don't know how it came up organically in my head. But, dude. I didn't think. I thought't know how it came up organically in my head, but I didn't think I thought that was it. I thought that I had the improvement I saw was what we were talking about. No. And you've probably got a bit more to go.

You've got to get a bit more of a climb to the summit, my friend. This is the peak. you've got to get a bit more of a climb to the summit my friend the other thing woody um so look i i don't talk about it much but it is i have shockingly large loads they're absurd um and part of it is especially like when i was um like like just going real hard in the uh the weight cutting, I was drinking so much water that I was like super hydrated. So if you can get like well over a gallon a day, I don't think I ever hit two gallons a day. Maybe.

No, I did. I hit two gallons a day one time because I was, I, I, I rode my bike 30 miles. It didn't seem like a lot. Oh,

that's different. Yeah. Yeah. I did 17 miles in the morning and 17 miles in the evening. That's 34 miles. And then of course I had my normal workout and my five walks that day. I drank two gallons of water. That was to avoid one of those days where it was like weigh-in day and like two days. And Derek was like, all right, if you're still 184 pounds on Monday, we're going to

have to just, well, we have an electro rectal ejaculator wait what you're gonna come out several ounces this is really gonna like i didn't know what he was gonna do to me so i so i just went all out that day and yeah definitely drink two gallons that day but drinking over a gallon a day massive loads just the hydration is one of the key factors so those of you who are out there listening like drink up drink up you should be drinking a gallon massive it's already irrational you're getting you're gonna get there we're pushing the bounds of physical limitation next time you come and i'm not just talking to my friends here but but uh my my uh my friends out there as well um pay attention to how long your orgasm is now.

Your orgasm is a little longer because the longer you're ejaculating, the longer it's coming. You're having a longer orgasm. It's an indisputable fact. You're buying better orgasms here. I don't know if it's an indisputable fact. It's an indisputable opinion.

That I like. We should put that on the fucking bottle. An indisputable opinion. Yeah. A following of should put that on the fucking bottle. An indisputable opinion. Yeah. Yeah. A following of Indisputable Opinions by Taylor Coe. Trademark 2021. No, I'm fucking blown away by this stuff.

I'm so proud of myself. Me too. And all of us, really. The gentleman who did the design work. I want to get his name right because I think he did a good job. Yeah, I do too. It looks great.

What's his name? Tristan. I believe it is Tristan. Yeah. Yeah. Tristan did a great job with the design and I, I really like everything about it. I,

I, I hide it when people come over because it says official PKA load stack and I don't want anybody to ask questions, but it normally sits on my coffee table so that i don't forget to take my hand full of pills every day i i take it here's what happened i was on facebook and i don't mean to i'm because i'm a boomer i guess to like shane a guy was talking about leaving paramotoring and he was like there's a couple of reasons, but one is that, like, I wish my motor was better. I can't afford more because I am a and this job without, you know, doxing him.

And he's like, also, the other people in this sport are like wealthy and interesting and stuff. And that's not me. And I thought about it i was gonna reply like have you considered partnering up with the small pharmaceutical company and developing an ejaculate increasing compound it's quite lucrative and it was like that is an asshole reply don't write that he probably didn't even consider that but uh yeah that would have been mean that's one of the worst things i've ever heard you say. Yeah, yeah.

So I thought about it, and I was like... Get good, idiot. You're basically going to tell them, you're like, oh, you can't afford this hobby that's nothing to me, to millionaire me. I had this silly little ejaculation pill I invented last week. I could have paid for a whole paramotor like because every child could have had one i've had a related joke in my head before which is like you know oh have you considered telling dick jokes on the internet which is like sort of mocking your

own job but uh i can't believe that we have done this thing that we have partnered with the small pharmaceutical company and developed an ejaculate-increasing pill. Supplement company. I don't think they're allowed to call them pharmaceuticals. That seems like an FDA thing. Supplement company. Yeah, they are. My bad.

All right, well, then they are a supplement company. I don't think we're getting anybody in trouble. I'm just trying to be accurate. Yeah. But... Facts. Yeah, I... And I'm like, wow, we're really in the jizz biz.

I've been in the jizz biz for a coon's age, okay? I'm kind of proud of our jizz biz. Were you moonlighting your own snails before this? I was just packaging them up in saran wrap and selling little baggies of them at the park. No, I swear it's not heroin. You're selling bags of fucking powder. Everyone was wildly upset with the results.

What if we put it in a powder? Does that make any sense? Like instead of having pills, because it's a bunch of pills. Then you got to mix and drink them. It's like five and four. Yeah. Like a protein powder. That's not as handy though.

I would rather take the pills than have to make a whole separate drink. What if you're on the go? You've got to dirty a glass. You've got to get like other things involved. Like sometimes I'm bad about taking pills. I always get all my pills down. I need my pills. But sometimes sometimes it's like oh shit i wish i was taking them every day at 8 a.m or every day at noon like pick a time it seems like it would be healthier but i take um i take about 27 pills a day or something like that that is outrageous i know

it's outrageous i know i take so many pills that i can't take them all at the same time because they form this big pill blob in my stomach. You only need nine a day. That gives me cramps. No, I take nine of these a day. That's what I'm saying. But I've got a myriad of other things. That's a third of his intake.

It's literally a third of my intake. It's the most useful third. I'll go so far as to say. I like having them because at this point, I guess what I was getting at is I can swallow like 10 or 12 pills at a time, like a fistful of pills. I just wash them down. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Because at first I was taking like two pills at a time. It's like, I'm going to be here a while.

You're like a baby learning to take a pill. Yeah. I've slowly over time been able to take more and more pills at a time. It's only like three or four. My friend used to take like some outrageous amount, 18, 21 pills at a time and it's only like three or four i was my friend used to take like some outrageous amount 18 21 pills at a time a lot of pills he kept it in a you know like a pill container right like you just have it all stacked he had cystic fibrosis and he needed it for digestion oh that's terrible he would just eat and then he downed the pill the bottle pills and it was normal for him yeah that, that fucking sucks. I was just doing it for pussy.

And spite. A little less severe. The two tit poles of my life. Pussy and spite. I want to get laid and be able to tell people I told you so. And that's the way Kyle formulates his existence. Those are the two tent poles of my life,

but you can't really make a tent pole with two tent poles, so it's a little wobbly. It's a horrible tent. That's how you end up in prison occasionally. No, I'm really proud of being in the jizz biz as well, and I'm glad that so many of the audience has gotten on board. I'm sorry we're talking about this so much. I'm sure three or four of you who have

hate in your heart, you're like, I bet they rehearsed this before. This is some sort of integration. And it's really just me being like, man, it's kind of cool that we still come now, huh? We spent so much time behind the scenes talking about this, going over this. It's not an exaggeration.

I'm not exaggerating at all it was constant communication talking back and forth formulation things and so like we were constantly talking about this even if we weren't bringing up on the show because we didn't want to talk too much before we knew it was a set in stone thing but yeah it's like culminating we're all very genuinely excited about it but yeah yeah i told my mom my mom watches the show, but I haven't talked to her about it. Have you sent her any? I don't think it would help her. I had a girl

ask what would happen if she ate it. If she took them, if she ate them. I was like, stay the fuck away from my pills. If I see you in any of my drugs, you're going to get the fuck out. I'm watching you. You got sticky yeah I mean what's your name again how did you get in here which one were you did you come in the duo

she's an inside man from on it trying to steal our formula they are the the plankton to our mr kraft we talked about ultimate. We talked about it briefly on PK, or maybe not so briefly. We talked about that movie where the killer from the 80s horror movie, Stranger in Your House, or When a Stranger Calls. That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The killer's in the house. But I've heard of several real-life instances of people sneaking into either homes or businesses

and then living in the attics and coming down when the occupants are either at work or asleep to you know use the facilities and i don't mean just the bathroom that's sort of like that's what people say like the fridge like everything like they're cleaning up they're uh they're cleaning no they're cleaning themselves like they're getting a little oh i was gonna say I could use an attic, dude. Just an invisible maid. No, you can't have any clothes. Yolanda, she lives in the attic.

I saw Harry Potter. No, but these fucking creeps live in people's homes. And this is not an isolated incident. This is one of those things like hammer murders where the more you look into it about this yeah the more you find like a myriad of them and um the business ones are funny the home ones are terrifying so like someone living in my house i've thought about it before um or maybe i watched a youtube video about an instance of it and i had to go check my fucking attic like i was like i got to know when was the last time i

was up there last summer changing the air filter let's change the air filter tonight let's go and get that done i need to be up there anyway let's look around i need to know there's nobody living in my fucking attic that would scare the fuck out of me if somebody was coming down nibbling on my goddamn cheese like a fat girlfriend in the night bitch i think that i would know a meat i would know instantly if there was someone eating my snacks who lived in the no you wouldn't yes i i know exactly how many snacks are in there when i leave for the night and i'll know the next day i had there were three cheese sticks remaining out of the 12 pack i ate nine of and now there's only one it wouldn't be me high and forgetting i ate 11 that's what happens

so what do you don't know about this you probably heard about people who take like ambient and like sure you can get into weird sort of mindsets yeah she's just a racist though and an uncouth comic and a funny woman i had effective ambient and probably top 10 in the top 10 funniest women of all time. Racist. I'd put her behind Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers is the funniest. Joan Rivers is number one. Her stand-up is so fucking funny.

Funniest woman stand-up of all time. I don't want to go into a whole Joan Rivers thing, but do you know about the 3x5 index cards that she had? I don't, no. Thousands of jokes. Just thousands of jokes where like any scenario you could rolodex and have like 50 fucking ways to take something into a different direction she turned uh comedy into math almost or into some sort of like equation like like where's oh two

guys walk into a bar well here's a thousand ways that that can split off into different, but not something as simple as two guys walk into a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were we talking about before, John? Was it Roseanne doing the- The Ambien. We were talking about Ambien. Back when I was in Franklin County, I would get, and I was smoking a lot.

One of the issues was I would wake up at night and I would, sleepwalk is the wrong word but i'm not all the way there either i'm somewhere between sleepwalking and being awake and i'd go to the fridge and i'd start eating ridiculous things that like i normally wouldn't even eat like like like a whole onion i got out a hunk of cheese one night and a roll of ritz crackers and when i left there were crumbs there were crumbs there were crumbs. There were crumbs. There were crumbs on the counter. I didn't use a knife. You didn't use a knife?

You were just nibbling little bits and then chasing it? The next morning, I came in there and I was looking sort of dumbstruck at these crumbs and it looked like a rape victim on my counter. The cheese was all torn apart like Shrek ate it. I was like, oh my God, did I get up and then of course you did asshole who the hell else is getting up at

four in the morning and eating a block of blue cheese and a roll of ritz crackers but now i don't have now i don't have uh any snacks in my house at all i've got my carrots and my um oatmeal oatmeal is very bad for you oatmeal is bad for you no yeah i figured it was very good for you that's why it's so flavorless and bland i add stuff to it makes it good that pb that pb uh powder stuff i like peanut butter oatmeal or chocolate oatmeal cinnamon's good in everything and you can't there's no calories in cinnamon it's just there are no calories in cinnamon and it's a really good anti-inflammatory i did not know that about it i just like the taste yeah we're getting into cinnamon season now are we no we're getting yeah we're getting into And it's a really good anti-inflammatory. I did not know that about it. I just like the taste.

We're getting into cinnamon season now. Are we? No, we're getting into, what is it, all-spice season? Because when everybody talks about, what do they call it, the pumpkin-flavored lattes and shit, what they mean is all-spice. Because that shit don't taste like pumpkin. It tastes like all-spice. It tastes like cloves and cinnamon and garlic.

The other shit that's an all-spice that I can't think of right now. Pumpkins. Pumpkins are fucking useless other than pie and pumpkin seeds. I like pumpkin seeds a lot. Those are kind of the things. Those are the things. What else do you use it for? I'm a big fan of jack-o'-lanterns.

I wish they weren't seasonal. I wish we always had a jack-o'-lantern out. I mean, what do you carve into yours or do you carve them um i haven't carved one since i was a child i carved one just last year my wife bought this like carving kit with like these tiny little thin serrated knives yeah that like it is wild how fast you can carve a pumpkin with one of those i was like you bought a pumpkin carving kit. And then I take it and it just punches right through and just. And I didn't want to spend a lot of time doing it. So I made like Jack Skellington's like very skinny eyes and face. And you can do that in no time at all.

Easy as shit. It looks good too. It was probably my best artistic endeavor throughout my life. I'm not, I'm not artistic. I can't do any drawing. There are certain types of saws that have really aggressive uh blades that you're just shocked like like how how good they are at cutting wood like i remember when i used to hunt a lot i had a limb saw that i would

had attached to my hip um so because you'd be climbing a tree and you'd get to a limb jutting out and you can't you can't go around that limb with your climbing uh stance you've got to cut the limb off and then you can continue up and uh i i would flip that gerber uh handsaw out and the blade was probably eight or nine inches and it was you know folds out and locks and those teeth are so aggressive and like offset that like every stroke seemed to take like half an inch out of like it cuts on the pool which is unusual in the west yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. It's all the pull. In the West? What does that mean? As opposed to the East.

Like in Asian countries, the saws all cut on the pull stroke. In the Western countries, they cut on the push stroke. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, and it's very obvious when you look at it because this thing looks like a barracuda's mouth or something. They're like curved back toward the handle. But I could cut through limbs that were like big, like this big and just let way less than a minute like 20 seconds or something and it was just every time you'd pull it you're like god damn is this a lightsaber or a saw it's it's shocking how do they do they have saws that cut both ways push and pull like

those lumberjacks who like like old-timey lumberjacks so they used to have that handle and they're going back and forth yeah there's types of saws to do that why not do that you just named one of them um i think it's uh more about like the the safety and uh and keeping straight like all right so when i've used say a hacksaw like like to make those precision cuts on like pvc or something where you need a really flush end or something it you're really focusing on those pushing strokes just yeah and you've got a line drilled through the pipe or whatever you're you're really focusing on those pushing strokes just yeah and you've got a line drilled through the pipe or whatever you're you're going through um i don't know why pull is is i mean obviously there's a there's two opinions of it right you know if if they're doing it both

ways i would just be curious if there's one because you know all cultures like have little differences like that but i wondered if like the Japanese way, objectively better, or nope, objectively worse. I know in a Limb Saw, there's no way I could push. You need to be pulling. You can grab onto one thing and pull with the other, but you would be all like... It'd be difficult for your body position to push, right? Because you could be in a Limb Saw.

Oftentimes, you're reaching for something far away. Sometimes, Limb Saws are on the end of a pole where you can't really push um and in kyle's position i feel like maybe i'm exaggerating but he's like 30 ready to fall out of a tree he doesn't want to be pushing himself away from the tree while doing this that's and honestly that's why i remember it back to my like childhood i was 13 when i was using this thing because i was terrified and this thing was gonna like it was it was like man if i had a shitty saw because we i used to have a shitty saw before that and i bought this fancy one but with the shitty one you were just up there and like the more you're sawing like if you don't have a good saw like the more like you see i'm

rocking in my chair it's not scary because i'm rocking in a chair if you're rocking in a tree stand 25 feet up in the air and you're 13 um it's it's a problem it's a problem um and uh but no that's really fucking good so yeah they are good they're curious drywall saws are like that to me like if you've ever used a drywall saw that it's a saw with a handle just but it's pokey so you can insert it into the middle of drywall anywhere and as opposed to most saws, like they just bend, this one's designed to sort of work its way in. And then every time you cut it,

like every pull, like seven inches of pool is like an inch and a half of cut. Who gets that ratio? Not in wood, but in a drywall saw, it's good shit. I'm going to be trying to put in a tiny piece of carpet this weekend. Cause like like so the

downstairs to go to downstairs area in my house there's you go downstairs and there's a left that goes into like the tv and pool room and all that and then the right goes into my gym and there was a leak out of my master bath uh we had someone house sit and we didn't tell them like hey don't fill the master bath all the way because like the the leak thing fucks up and it'll just come straight down and overflow. Yeah, yeah. And it's not doesn't work right. We didn't tell her that. And so that whole this whole bottom patch, which is only like four feet by four feet, like bottom of the stairs, got all rotted out and everything, the carpet.

And so I cut it out and I had some help from my father-in-law who knows a lot of the he's a very handy kind of guy so he helped me like put down the pad and everything and then so now and i have a bunch of surplus carpet from when they redid my my other room and that obviously matches and so i'm going to try to like cut it and everything i have all the tools i got the little double-sided tape to keep the carpet flush. I got all the nails put down there. And I'm like nervous because I know how mad I get during projects like this. Like if I miscut it or something like that. And so I think the smart thing to do is like overcut the dimensions by like an inch or two on both sides.

And then lay it and then like slowly use like carpet shears to, to do that. Is that how you've done in the past? Have you ever done that Woody? It seems like something you have experienced. I have done the creep up technique before. Now when I do things,

I just cut them the right size. Like I have found that the creep up technique is time consuming and often not even better. Just measure carefully and cut it. Perfect. If I was doing carpet, which I've never, I don't know how they do carpet so well. I one time burnt carpet

and we hired a professional to like cut a square out and fix it. And it was so good. You couldn't see it at all. Hands and knees looking for where it started and stopped. We knew where it was. You can't see it. They fixed it perfectly.

And is that just the nature of carpet? That it's all kind of there to get. I'll disprove that rumor this weekend. I think it's going to be lumpy. Have you ever done it, Kyle? Put carpet down? Yeah. Carpet repair.

Yeah, actually, I've done carpet repair. I put, there was a spot where I had new carpet put in and there was a safe bolted to the floor. So when I moved the safe, now there's a spot without carpet. But back when I installed the carpet, I was like, hey, one day I'm going to move this safe. Cut me out a piece of carpet that'll fit this. And so I had that piece of carpet just rolled up, sitting there. Did they do it perfectly? Of course they did it perfectly.

Nice. As opposed to like. No, that's carpet guys. If you had a carpet guy who couldn't cut carpet perfectly, you'd fire him. It's just like the windshield repair guys. Like when they sit a whole like 200 pound windshield in your car and you're like man if something's off a millimeter it irks me and this is perfect yeah i don't know how they do so well and and i've had them do um like nicer my wife's

car it was like i think the antenna is built into the windshield and there's electronics built into the rearview mirror. So it's not a super simple, like just piece of glass. Nope. They have to get the rest of that shit right, too. And they did. I didn't know that you'd be good, but it turns out professionals are good at their jobs. Oh, yeah. When I worked at the rental car place, we would get dings and shit on rental cars all the time and the windshield.

And those safe flight people were outrageous. You'd be like, hey, thanks for coming. Here's a fucking Toyota Yaris that some retard drove through a gravel field. You know, how long is it going to take? And you'd be like, this is going to be a whole day thing. They're like, 11 minutes. 11 minutes it's like really and then you just watch them go and like they do a little filler thing and as you're watching you're like this isn't how does this work how is this going to magically fill and then they like kind of step in front of it do some wizardry they step away and it's like gun to my head i could not tell you where there was a crack earlier they did so well yeah yeah they do so and i'm always so bad about just picking up the phone and call i think it's 1-800-SAFE-LIGHT i think that's a fucking number i'm almost positive it is safe flight free place like i know they're fucking jingle and calling them hey my 450 special windshield that has has the heads-up display glass like it's got a tiny little crack

in it come fix that real quick before the crack extends like a fucking spider web and i need a new windshield i never do that i've i i woody was with me the last time i i fucked up my windshield and i let it like like get ridiculous yeah before i did anything i didn't fix it until like two years ago three years ago or something like that the The upside, or better yet, the downside of having it repaired instead of replaced is sometimes the windshield's gotten bad slowly and it creeps up on you. And it's just like, yeah, you know, it's just at nighttime in the rain

when the oncoming traffic shines in my windshield with a thousand divots in it or tens of thousands of divots in it, it just lights up and becomes impossible to see through what is it called opaque what is it when it's like sort of looking through sandy glass yeah yeah that makes sense no that makes sense like getting just getting a fresh piece of glass is a big deal if you get it and you're like whoa i didn't realize i was suffering so much same with new headlights like if you've got a car that had the old style incandescent headlights or whatever and you upgraded them to

high intensities, it's like, oh my god. I can see the trees. You see everything. That was one of the bigger leaps forward in technology, honestly, in our lifetimes. Those headlights are so good. The lights on my bike are so fucking bright at night. Sometimes they're

too bright. I live in a very wooded area with some windy, wooded roads. And sometimes it's like an Audi in particular will come towards you. And it's like, I know this guy doesn't have his brights on. He's not trying to be a dick. But this is genuinely dangerous to everyone else on the road right now. My car does it really bad. I think because it's low it doesn't this doesn't make sense but but like sometimes like like i i think it has to shine straighter ahead

instead of pointing down or it has to maybe it's point like at certain distance people people often think i have my high beams on and they'll i'll honestly get ready i'm like they're gonna think my high beams are on and they're gonna hit me with their high beams but i'm gonna retaliate with my high beams and then you thought that was like where do you see how high this isn't even my final form do you ever do you get people and i don't even flip the high beams i pull back on it so it's high beams and like everything turns on and just blind the fuck out of them because they're really, really fucking bright. And then I hit the roof lights. I am tramping all day. That's when I throw the tacks out.

My oil slick. Like I'm Batman in 1948. The fact that nobody has ever integrated oil slicks, tack releasal mechanisms or smoke screens in an actual vehicle suggests that Batman lied to us.

Yeah. I can't imagine that like tacks that you would find at Office Depot are going to be the ticket to crippling the person behind you. They make tacks that are for vehicles. They're not tacks. They're these like road things. They're like, I don't know how to like do it with my hand, but it's like a barb in a barbed wire.

It's like a barb from a barbed wire fence, no matter how it lands. I think those think those are called cal trips it's what they used on the um like normandy to keep uh machines from driving up like very large ones you know what i mean cal trips is that done right c-a-l-t-r-o-b-s i don't know i know that the car specific ones are like hollow so after they puncture your tire they're meant to let air out in a controlled rate yeah and the spike strips they definitely are yeah i've seen this yeah those are cool too it is neat because you know just give a guy a blowout and kill him you slowly deflate his tire until he can make a bad decision on his own but you've given him

a chance to make a good one they still haven't figured out a good way to stop cars huh own, but you've given them a chance to make a good one. They still haven't figured out a good way to stop cars, huh? To stop cars? Those strips seem like they do a good job. You gotta get in front of the guy. Yeah, that's a major downside. That's a good point. They need either a net

that shoots from a following car or a missile. Or just a guy with a gun. Bang! The car is rolling to a stop. No, I think they need a car that has some kind of a thing where you could pull up

right behind him and grab him with a big gator mouth mechanism. That would be good. Oh, you know how in Mad Max they have that guy on the fishing reel or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they rear-end someone, the inertia how in Mad Max, they have that guy on the fishing reel or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they rear-end someone,

the inertia carries them forward, and then they unhook, and then you just have a wild boy or whatever they're called on top of the car. Yeah, I like that. I like that. But then what do you do once you're on the car with your... That's his problem.

Oh. He's got an officer blog. He's a war boy. We got a million of them we try one so we use actual war boys or do we know we use people on death row earning their freedom god why don't we use those people more efficiently they're just sitting in a room somewhere eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until the day that we spend a million to kill them why don't we use them for things we should what are things we could use them for

man exhibition games and sports comes to mind exhibition games and sports is at the top of the list also any sort of um suicide squad type scenario that we could actually create i'd be down for that you know i don't think it'd work though i don't know what uh they try and run away well you got to put those exploding things in their heads right that you just remote control if they leave their mission parameters yeah i mean that could be that could be a good movie i'm not sure death row inmates are a good uh group to actually form into a team of effective individuals though well it depends what they're on death row for if a guy broke into a fucking credit card headquarters and wherever and set off a bunch of bombs and he's

like a like a ted who are you talking about i'm trying to imagine like what what ted kaczynski would do someone imagine a person who's so they'd be interesting and they use him for that but if it's like a pedophile like there's not much you can do for that guy he's not very useful oh he'd be perfect he'd actually no he's perfect for the exhibition sports thing. I mean, if we're making a comedic suicide squad, we have to have a pedophile on it. Everybody hates him, but the guy at base is like, this is about teamwork, guys, not about judgment. They're like, man, he fucking raped 600 kids.

He's like, there's no judgment here, Jose. You cheated on your taxes. Yeah, I guess I didn't consider that. Did you actually ever see the suicide squad? did didn't care for it uh okay i because because it's kind of what we're talking about is kind of like the joke with the uh the weasel right where they're like is he dangerous like no he's not dangerous i mean he killed like 23 children but but but hey he's here he's here all right he showed up he showed up that That was one of the least enjoyable movies I've ever seen. I remember I went to go see it in theaters,

and I was so checked out halfway through. I thought that the crocodile guy was going to have a way bigger part. There wasn't a crocodile guy. There was alligator guy? Yeah, alligator man. You're talking about the first Suicide Squad. Yeah, I haven't seen the second one. I've only seen the first one.

Okay, well, that just came out, and that's actually really good and funny. I should watch that. Did they lean in and decide, like, we're not going to do the half dark, half funny? We're going to go all goofy? No, it's half dark and half funny, and it works this time, though. Because you've got James Gunn doing it, I believe. You know, the Guardians of the Galaxy guy. The Marvel guy.

I'm almost positive that's accurate, but I'm a little stoned. And it's really, really fucking funny. There's a lot of different kinds of jokes. the galaxy guy marvel guy i'm almost positive that's accurate but i'm a little stoned um and it's really really fucking funny like like there's a lot of different kinds of jokes there's a lot of um like just the superpowers of the individuals are comical alone like one one guy's polka dot man what does he do he is the most powerful member of the team is he like uh mint berry crunch from south park he is very much he is exactly like mint berry crunch um no he is he was like experimented on by his mother as a child and she injected him with some sort of alien like nano virus or some shit i don't remember the exact like gobbledygook but um it has he wears this suit covered in polka dots and over time he

creates more polka dots that begin to appear all over his body like these glowing polka dots that glow all over his face and it looks ridiculous until he releases them in a spray of polka dots that fly through the air at anything and sort of dematerialize it that's the best way i know how to describe it it sort of like melts it but not not from heat just sort of like disintegration yeah nonsense just deconstructs it just everything falls apart than os's stuff with polka dots including people so it's literally mint berry crunches that's really what thanos works on as well yeah but he is from the comics which is hilarious i was like did they make somebody up or was there a comic about a polka dot man and sure enough there was and he is actually a dark character

his mother's abuse on him has led him to have like this serious mental illness that he's struggling with the whole movie and and not in a funny way well it gets funnier anyway he's all polka dot you remember how in the water he pulled a water boy is what he did this isn't too much of a spoiler like remember the water boy how like i didn't fuck vicky valencourt no i we all wanted to fuck vicky valencourt though what a whore she was oh so fucking hot though when she bit the head off that that baby gator i like that that's a man's woman um remember how he'd be like you know you gotta visualize like the people that have been mean to you so he'd look at the enemy player the other players the enemy players and uh and he'd be like you know you gotta visualize like the people that have been mean

to you so he'd look at the enemy player the other players the enemy players and uh and he'd see his mom be like i forbid you to date that vicky valley corn she's the devil she's not the devil she's a beautiful girl i never said she was the devil please don't hurt me that movie is so fucking i haven't watched it in in so many... When he gets made fun of in class, where he's like, Bobby, what is the crocodile... What did he say? Why is he so sad? Or something. He's like, my mama said...

Why are crocodiles so aggressive? My mama said they're so aggressive because they got all those teeth and no toothbrush. Well, his mama said, alligators are ornery because they got all those teeth and no toothbrush well his mama said alligators are ornery because they got all no toothbrush to brush them with well and it's it's literally colonel sanders up there how about you sir what do you think alligators are ornery because they have a large medulla oblongata the rage center of the brain thank you sir exactly the medulla nolongata, the rage center of the brain. Thank you, sir. Exactly. The medulla. No, no.

Mama said the medulla oblongata. Does that movie hold up? Have you watched it in a long time? I watched it two or three years ago. I need to watch it again. That was, that's probably Adam Sandler. That's probably my favorite movie from Adam Sandler. Happy Gilmore.

Happy Gilmore. I like, I'm just talking about like comedies. I remember when I was younger. Happy Gilmore. And well, Billy Madison was so funny too i i thought billy madison was hilarious isn't that the one where chris farley is the bus driver yeah that's the funniest scene in the whole thing and uh norm mcdonald is very young like like as is like oh yeah he's the one who's spraying the kid with a hose like inexplicably just getting the kid in the face with a hose no no i don't know which one he had all of his comedy buddies in there he always did but yeah yeah i don't know i like i love the water boy

it might be my favorite i think it's the best i'll say that i think i know you've said it before i like that adam sandler's always hooking up his boys yeah i like that too it's it's like rob snyder haven't been in a movie in a while boom just signed a five movie deal with netflix you're in all of them man like yeah how about a million a piece does that work for you rob i know you're busy with douche bigelow is it you can make another one of those right um yeah yeah he he became is he a billionaire yet i don't even know but we looked it up he's not he's not even uh at seinfeld level yet yeah not at seinfeld level yet, but still way more generous and looking after his boys. I feel like Jerry, this last week I did a ton of Seinfeld research.

I got real steeped in it somehow. Went down the rabbit hole, watched all the old interviews, watched every episode. I absorbed some Seinfeld knowledge. knowledge and I feel like there's this unspoken thing where it's just like he could have helped us out a little more but he was in a weird position as produced as both producer and you know co-actor where as producer your job your job title is to deliver the show as cheaply as possible. But at the same time, your friends, your co, um, actors are co-stars.

They need to get paid, right? You've been working with him for five years. Like you can't step in on contract negotiations. And apparently like what he did in the end was he went to NBC and said, look, I know you've been negotiating with Jason and, and,

and Julia and, and, and everybody finish it today or you're going to have a problem with me. I'm not going to get involved. Finish it today or I'm going to have a salary negotiation of my own. And they were like,

oh, well, let's get Jason a check. I wish, actually, Jason wants cash. Well, we'll figure that out. My wife has never paid much attention or watched Seinfeld very much, but we've started watching it more together in the past week or so. And she'd watched some with me before.

She thinks it's very funny. But she was blown away when she was like, is that Larry David in one of the roles? And I'm like, yeah, you know, Steinbrenner, the owner of the Yankees, that's Larry David's voice too. And she was like, no. And then, you know, he comes on and he's like, George, George, we need to

do this. Whatever the fuck he says. She's like, oh my God, it's him. And he's always the guy off screen yelling for something. And in retrospect, it's so funny because you always assume watching the show, like before I knew about Curb, it was like, oh, Jerry. Jerry's the comedic genius

behind seinfeld no not at all like jerry seinfeld's stand-up is painfully bad it's it's not good it's it's just not good larry david is a comedic genius i think you i think we've got to give him credit for is the time period in which like he exploded and what comedy was like when he started and like he really kind of invented or at least perfected that sort of observational small ball humor, you know, like, like,

like, like, which is what Seinfeld is based on. I shouldn't say it's bad. It's not my, I don't think it's bad. I like it. I like it.

I don't think it's, it's not like fall on your head. Like just all my, it's not Chappelle. It's not that laugh out loud. Just tears running down your face. Not like older Louie or Burr, but it's consistently like, ha he's right that is funny all right yeah yeah you got me yeah you're good yeah okay i like uh all the all the bits he does before the show that are so out of

date where he's like what's the deal with car phones you're not busy enough driving you have to call people like and it's like 1993 everybody's like so true like some of the stuff is a little out i mean smartphones kill seinfeld you can't have that that great uh like like missed stars and missed ships in the night kind of thing that they all often toy with if everybody's got a fucking cell phone it just doesn't work anymore but they just have to like write it so that people don't have cell phone act like like sunny like sunny came about in an age where cell phones were fully there and so many sunny episodes would be solved just like seinfeld episodes if people just had a call and and discuss their miscommunication but they don't just you

know what i mean i suppose i suppose to some extent it's it's a real issue with um with all like fiction is cell phones because cell phones fix so many of the inciting events that you would have in traditional storytelling. The whole thing about being on your own and getting hurt and then having to go through a survival experience. Does he have a phone? Yep. Problem solved.

The end. Every survival movie now, you're 100% right about that. Every survival movie now, they have to have a split cut scene where before the survival situation, they drop their phone or it breaks. Or no service. Yeah, I mean, no service is believable when you're in a survival. What was that one with James Franco, 127 hours?

Yes, yes. Well, I mean, that actually happened. So, like, that happened to that poor guy god that sucks i would have just died i'd like to think i'd have cut my hand off but no he did his whole arm i thought he did his arm he had to do most of his arm it's like like halfway to the elbow or something like that because the way it was pinned and he had to be able to break it and he had to cut wherever the break happened and he wasn't super i think it was already broken actually maybe he cut at the broke but like it was the way it was pinned i think the rock had it's not like

he could go all the way in and get the part that was necessarily the stuck part like he had to cut some good arm off to the best part of your arm and that knife was not super sharp i don't think that's awful i don't know how he survived that shit. I've never seen the movie. I just know of the event. I have not seen the movie either. I was just referencing it because I don't know what the guy's name is. Who do you remember? Chris,

Chris McCandless, McCandles, that guy who went out into the woods and died in a bus because yes, yes. From the mushrooms, from the mushroom. Oh yeah. No,

no, no. Chris McCandless. I thought he died from like starving and freezing to death in a bus like a in the middle of the woods like i'm thinking of a guy from the west coast i believe maybe from cali or or oregon or something who went up to alaska to do this survival thing um in a bus or something like that ate some bad mushrooms when he was already um he was trying to do a survivalist type thing like live out there for a good period of time but with like terrible he didn't know what he's doing and it wasn't just like that he didn't know which

mushrooms to eat or not which he obviously didn't but but also just like every everything about what he was doing was was was he was making a lot of mistakes and he died he died out there there's a lot of stories like that yeah the most crazy one of course is the grizzly man right the guy who was like that really effeminate weirdo who was just up there like hanging out with uh with grizzly bears doing like the exact opposite of what every grizzly bear expert on the planet would ever tell you to do he's just like yeah we're friends we're friends now and what it was it's like no you're here at a part of the year when they have like a ton of trout like like they're like they're just every bear you see every bear you see is stuffed with trout like like he's he feels like five minutes after thanksgiving dinner and he and he he's trying to be careful

not to vomit up the turkey yeah he doesn't want to gain too much weight before hibernation he doesn't want to eat you. He is full. But then as the season went on and the trout started going away, and I think it was like a beta bear or something like that that was underfed because it didn't have a good fishing hole, and it killed them both. I want to say because she was on her period, and the audio of it.

I don't know if there's video of them being eaten. I hope there's not. I know it came from video. Who would have taken the video? He had a camera set up because he recorded all this shit. Man, recording yourself being eaten. I hope there's not. I know it came from video. Who would have taken the video? He had a camera set up because he recorded all this shit. Man, recording yourself being eaten to death? Eaten alive. It'd be horrible. Yeah.

I believe that tape's never been seen by the public. Remember to like and subscribe. Is your hair bringing the meat torn from your bones? Some dude's disliking it. I'm not paying into this go fund me for two new cats i'm so tired of these retirement videos just leave yeah wow dickhead doesn't post for two years and then comes back asking for money for his torn legs which is basically what he is yeah timothy

treadwell that was the grizzly man and you're right if you haven't watched videos of timothy treadwell dealing with grizzlies it is it is really ballsy to watch how like a giant grizzly will come over and he'll be like timothy or um you know aaron this is my friend aaron he's a 11 foot grizzly and look at, he's coming at me angry. And he'd like smack him on the nose. Like, Aaron, get the hell away from me. What are you trying to ruin my shot? He knows I'm just joking, though. He knows I'm just it's just a game we play.

Like that was he was almost like Tiger King esque in his effeminate statements. But even crazier than the Tiger King, because the Tiger King at least knew he was a fraud on some level with tigers and kept them in a cage yeah i mean he did get in those cages with him like i wish that guy would get let out man like they're making that second season of tiger dying right is he what what's wrong with him from what let me check i think he's sick but i'm afraid i have it wrong i i think it would have been a clear sign that we were in a parallel universe That we like split off from The timeline If he had released

If Trump had pardoned Joe Exotic So he has prostate cancer But that's one of the more Curable ones right A little radiation maybe you can have it removed if you have to As long as we don't catch it Depends on your level of care He may not be getting the best level of care given that he's a broke felon but i don't know i he'd go fund me

some prostate surgery i'll chip in let's go i mean i'm not gonna chip in but all you're not gonna chip in you'll but you'll mention it here i'll lie on the show and say well yeah i'll chip in that's what i was going to do too. I thought it was a chipping into that fucking retard's surgery. I mean, I don't want him to die. Yeah, definitely not. Before season two. What I honestly wish would happen, like I got my magic wand, I want to see more of Joe Exotic.

He's a fun guy. Yeah, so I either want to see him in prison. What if they gave him a prison release program where he had to run some sort of tiger place? I want to see him? I want to see more of him. I want to see a new show with Joe Exotic. But I don't want to have that. He's an asshole, and he was terrible to the tigers.

I struggle with this. He kept his tigers in tiny little cages. And by the way, he kept orangutans in tiny little cages too. I hated that. Particularly, Taylor, you're a soft spot for simeon cracks me but anyway he kept these animals in cages practically torturing them and then he would go to carol baskin's place and film grass that was taller than it really should have been and say look at the abuse that she is that she's partly look at this they didn't weed whack around the cages

and i'm like motherfucker you their cages were preserves where the tigers would like romp around a couple of them on display and he had his not on display just captured and being tortured basically i mean i saw it as like someone with 10 cavities mocking someone with 8 cavities for having bad dental hygiene. Neither of them gave enough space to those tigers or animals. I saw it as a guy who had an enemy and he was going to twist things

however he wanted. That just made it funny to me. The truth of Tiger King is that they're all bad people. There's only a handful of good people in tiger king um the producer guy who was was producing the original show and had his footage burned up that guy seems super shitty wasn't there i think there's sex assault stuff about him he assaulted he sexually assaulted someone he didn't let it happen for a long he's like i need a good nine years of footage before i do anything it's like you're

kind of part of the scene yeah and like i like i was always really irresponsible about like keeping up with like um sd cards and stuff after we'd film sometimes i'd film a lot of like film five like big videos and they'd just be on an sd card in my luggage on the way back and that was absurd because you know i mean it was like a hundred thousand dollars worth of footage was sitting on an sd card um and just floating around easy to lose that fucker should have been in some sort of a magical case in my breast pocket or something yeah it should have been in a wallet i should have already like put it on a cloud or something like like uploaded it and and like dropboxed it to somebody or something but um so i get how you can be like stupid and irresponsible with the footage but he had nine years worth or whatever it's like i made that up

but it was a long time okay it was it was it was at least a year or so it was a lot of footage at least a year is it at least five like i think it was a really long time it was it was a huge i remember what you're saying woody because it was like you know you guys are just getting here i've got seven years of foot and it's like it never occurred to you in the last 2200 days to like take this to anyone you were just documenting for when this bust that you're taking a paycheck from is eventually going to go down and you can act like you were a investigatory reporter the whole time like that's what it came off to me as like a little bit of plausible deniability no no i wasn't participating it may appear that way but i was actually gathering data see look at this interesting data from five years ago where he murdered a tiger

look i i guess i just don't give a fuck about tigers i really don't they're too scary i don't like it they don't care about you why would you inverse that the thing is i don't think not like an orangutan i've never seen one of those tigers like like be like super like i'm with taylor on this i feel like the simians are like like they're our cousins we gotta they're like dumb kids yeah they're essentially like like dumb kids with like all kids are dumb it's you're being redundant extra dumb kids like dumb kids. They're essentially like dumb kids. All kids are dumb. You're being redundant. Extra dumb kids. The strongest, dumbest kid you've ever come across.

With some mental issues. Because he was born in a cage. If you raised a human like you raised a gorilla, you'd probably be pretty fucked up too, right? Yeah, I mean you hear those stories about the feral children. Yeah, I want one of those. They do sound cool. They're all fucked up and they they they're like emotionally destroyed for life

reset your expectations and think of it as like a i don't know like a you know the monkeys they train to help disabled people oh you could take a feral child and teach them to like get dishes and stuff from up high or like a cat like it's no, I don't have a rodent problem anymore. I adopted a feral child. Wow, look, Justin, stop dropping dead birds at my feet. Yeah. They climb on the counters and get

things from high shelves. There was that girl, I think it was in Russia, who was raised by wolves and she communicates through I think it was in Russia, who was raised by wolves and she communicates through, or it was some animal, through yips and barking, not able to internalize normal language anymore. Is this real

or was this a Pixar movie? It could have been a dream. You know the girl that was raised by wolves and communicates in yips. No, this is... If I dreamed this so there's definitely like a lot of instances of like human children um surviving in the wilderness and i know there was i remember one specific thing about a boy who was raised by some kind of fucking animals and i think it was canines or something

but he was never able i don't remember him yipping at all. Um, but I do remember him never like mastering, um, language. There's a thing about language and I don't know how, I think it's pretty true that kids can learn languages very easily when you start to lose that as you get older. Yeah. You're more malleableable if you have an autistic kid they really leverage that to get money out of you ask me how i know how do you know your kids too i mean they pretty much you gotta drop 100 grand this year they'll never talk probably oh that shit is just just totally misguided yeah that shit's fucked up fuck i did i did find the name of okay i imagine that's how the meeting went it was like all right well first of all yes second of all fuck

is there paperwork here that i could rob you that i could do it myself no can i like order the literature off the internet or something it's like i do like college textbooks get a pamphlet or something? Like college textbooks? Get a pamphlet or something? I just linked it in our chat. Will this link work? Let's see. Yeah, it goes to the Wikipedia.

Her name is Oksana Malaya, a Ukrainian woman internationally known for her dog imitating behavior. Malaya has been the subject of documentaries, interviews, and tabloid headlines as a feral child raised by dogs. And so she like, what is this? When Malia was found by the authorities, she was seven and a half years old, but she could not

talk, lacked many basic skills, and physically behaved like a dog. She ran around on all fours, barking, slept on the floor, and she ate and took care of her hygiene like a dog. She was removed from her parents' custody by social services. Oh, fuck. This was at her house? They just let her roam outside with dogs for seven and a half years? Yeah.

Do not edit this to say it was actually Taylor's dream. Don't do that. That's not funny. I knew I didn't dream this. I knew this was... I don't know. We'll check the Wikipedia next week. Maybe he did. did well it all turned out just fine um she was taught to sub to subdue her dog-like behavior and she learned to speak fluently and intelligibly and she now works at a farm milking cows but remains somewhat intellectually impaired oh this is me uh in 2013 malaya gave an interview on a national ukrainian tv on the talk show govrit ukrainia where she talked about herself and answered

questions during the show malaya said that she wanted to be treated like a normal human being and is offended when others call her a quote dog girl yeah i would be offended too. She has a boyfriend? Probably a furry. I can't imagine why we don't have a picture of her yet, but I'm going to solve that. You're going to solve what? We need a picture of her. We just posted one.

Zach, can you put that up again? Put that up again for Kyle. I'm sorry. I was doing my own separate research. I now have the same picture you have. I'm certain of it. Howling at the moon? I'm looking at I was doing my own separate research. I now have the same picture you have. I'm certain of it. Oh, God. Howling at the moon? Well, I'm looking at a bank of them. I'm looking at like 30. Her teeth are awful. She's howling.

In this one, she has something in her mouth that looks like a stick, but is that meat on the stick? Does she have just an enormous bone? I don't know. This is awful, man. I just flicked a spider off my arm. That's freaking me out. My arms keep cramping. That's why I'm eating this. I did pool day today. Freaking crushed it. And now my biceps are just

engaging on their own all night. It sucks. You're tensing. I googled how to fix it and hydrating were some of the answers. I normally don't eat on the show, but I'm really suffering. Something I read about that is if you take a magnesium citrate supplement. What's in a lock and load? There's no magnesium in lock and load, but apparently magnesium helps with muscle soreness. Well, all I have is lock and load. We can give it a try. Well, what if you take... Well, no, don't take any more.

You got all your vitamin E, your zinc, selenium, vitamin D. No magnesium, though. No magnesium. It might have been helpful. Are you still kind of frustrated that you're having to do everything so much lower weight? Or are you now back in the working your way up grind? Like, nope, I'm back in it. I just got to get back to where I was.

That. Yeah, I'm back to full volume. I do the full number of sets. When I left off pull-ups, for example, I did 12-12 and then to failure, which would be like 16, maybe 15. That's huge, dude. That's really impressive. I'm heavy, too. But now

I think today I did 10-10-12 for comparison. You did 12-16 pull-ups. Your, your back must be so fucking muscular. It's pretty good. I'm like real wide in the rib cage and back like,

like, like, I don't know. I want to say, you know, like Brock Lesnar, but if Brock Lesnar woke up with my strength, he'd jump off a building.

He would, he would genuinely kill himself. If he woke up and my strength he'd jump off a building he would genuinely kill himself if he woke up and was like but I don't have 40 more years than me because I abused substances and stuff I can't take this much more time it's like a normalized version of like a guy who's too wide

and like ribs and like just weird I'm interested where'd you lose the most strength over the the hiatus um i'm trying to that like break it reverse curls i kind of suck it um like way worse than where you were yeah also i'm taking it easy because i always get injured and like that um there's like a tendon in your elbow called the brachii or something yeah so i'm coming back on those slowly um what else do i suck at my one-armed dumbbell rows are lower than before but i bet i could do more i'm just they're after something very hard so i think i'm being a puss um it's better safe than sorry like

if i take a break from working out, my temptation is to look at my little chart and see like, oh, plus two pounds on this, plus two pounds on that from the last time you did it. But it's like, no, idiot, take a few off. Just make sure you're not cheating reps and do that. But that's interesting. So you really didn't lose that much strength?

Not too much. I'm just coming back over the course of, I think in four weeks, I'll be back where I left off. That's not a bad trade off at all. Yeah. The whole point is to get back without injury. You know,

if I were to just bust my own ass and try to get back in one week or pretend that I didn't miss six weeks, if people forget I had a wrist injury from dirt biking. So I had to miss like six or seven weeks and now you know i'm coming back but i feel proud like i never lost enthusiasm for exercising i just lost permission i had to let my wrist heal and uh now like it's like yeah i'm back at it i'm back at it you know i i don't know i i look at my after these big gym mirrors all over the place abs fucking abs right here uh dude in my in my gym mirrors that i have which is just like

mirrors leaned on stuff like i still i just like in the middle of workouts when i have like the biggest pump i'll go over there and just mentally i still like grab my gut and i'm like you fucking piece of shit like you fucking garbage you don't like by that cramp i i will yeah and i'll be like damn my upper shoulder girdle my chest is big my back's big shoulders buys tries forearms he's got a shoulder girdle i don't even have any grown one of those i have a shoulder corset that's what i've heard people talk about just like the chest uh like his back isn't just upper shoulders you know buys tries for like just just big like upper body and like i know like my tries and across to the other one yeah across to the other one okay like i look very good there

because i i work it very hard but then like my core like i have to flex so hard to see any definition at all like it is a skill learning to do that flex. I bet it is. What did you do to learn it? Practice. What did you just watch YouTube videos of how to correctly contract? There's a little bit of mental muscle memory that you've got to get going on to activate all your abs.

Then there's a slight bend bend forward um and then um and then you're there and i mean there's a certain point when you're like super lean where it's like i mean if i just if you look at me i have abs um it was breathing heavy and you can see them all contract like it like when you're good enough yeah yeah they're just there tyler are you getting any calf growth yeah yeah they're bigger but they're not woody calves i'll never show my calves because woody has shown his i i would be too embarrassed to show my calves because of woody also i can't i i do the calf raises like with the it would be like if woody and i hundred pounds and i've been doing this for a while and it's like like it really those bodybuilders

wouldn't you know it they weren't lying when they're like do you want better calves get different parents i was doing um to hit my biceps a little better i do these um inclined curls where you sit on the inclined bench lean back with your elbows behind you and hit it. I just caught my own calves in the mirror looking all defined and cut. I was like, yeah, I was lucky with those. I'm certain. I do calf races every week, twice a week

with a lot of weight. They don't look like wigs. There's a possibility I can lift more with my tiny calves than he can with his gargantuan calves. Quite likely. I haven't been working on it. I want to believe that my little calves are made of steel. It could be.

It is so fucking annoying. I bet Woody could... I bet... I wish there was a picture. Remember those old-timey strongmen? I want Woody holding with a bar on his back and both of us are hanging on to it and he's doing calf raises.

He's just doing calf raises. He's lifting us. You bet he can do a 500 pound calf lift? I bet he can do it once. 500? I don't know. I remember when I was like 14 and just hitting puberty, there was a machine you wore with a belt and a little step and you do calf raises on it. And even as a teenager, I did all the weights that the machine had. Yeah. You've probably seen the piece of equipment that I use, but it's you step up onto it and it's your, you know, with the balls of your feet, you know, the front and,

uh, and your appeals are completely off. So you can go real low with them if you want and then go real high. But, um, I've got like a, I'm in a, I'm in a yoke,

you know, like, like, like, like, like a cat, like a, like a,

like an animal would be in front of a wagon, like a yoke. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Like there's a thing sitting on both of my shoulders, like really nice and padded. And I've got handles

here um so i can get in like a really comfortable position for my back and i don't know how much weight you can put on that machine i'm guessing 800 pounds like like it's just it's plate loaded and there's just like huge amounts of plates you could put on complicated though right because there's a lever involved oh yeah i'm not just suggesting you yeah i'm talking about how much you could actually stack sounds like a hack squat machine you're using right might be what it's called i've never i don't talk to people in the gym certainly not about working out unless they ask me a question i just fucking hate like as i do legs and everything i can like see little bits of like that's a good quad game or in the mirror like man my hamstrings are looking better calves it's like it will be so sore for like three days and i'm like yes i'm in the gain

zone baby and then two weeks later it's like no it looks exactly the same thing about i'm thinking about switching gyms there's a gym that's not oh it's a little bit further but um but i think it's a better gym and uh i don't know i think i would like my gym is more of like a family gym and frankly i think i would like to be more in a dude's gym um really because i would honestly prefer if there weren't any women um because like i don't want to like hypothetical woody wants fucking spin classes over here, jazzercise over there. They should be filtering in and out past me the whole workout. I am there to do a job and to get some business done.

Kyle, the whole point of lifting weights is to get girls. You need a stream of girls to see you do it. More plates, more dates, Kyle. I mean, like, you don't want to... No, you're wrong. You don't want them there. You don't want them there. You want them somewhere else.

Separate. You've got to separate the two. It's no good. I don't like it. I don't see why. You're not making a convincing argument. You're just saying I don't want something I clearly want. I don't want to be distracted.

For one thing, I often work out at like 2 to 5 a.m. in the morning or something like that. So ain't nobody there really anyway. But really, I just, I don't know. I drove. A chick that gets up at 5 a.m. for spin class is hot. There are none. There are none. I swear to God.

In my area, I'll tell you when hot chicks show up. It's around noon. It's like noon to three, like throughout the week. Because these are chicks who are like taking a year off school or something like that. So they can be there at noon on a Tuesday working out. And they're all like 19 to 23 or something like that. uh they're all like 19 to 23 or something like that and 50 of the time they're recording their workouts for instagram or something like that so they're taking forever oh i don't give a fuck they're not using the same machines i'm using they're using that fucking pussy girdle machine

or whatever it is you know the thing they use in squat machine i bet they use squat rack oh so many squats you should go over to one of them and offer like you know i could help you get these capped shoulders oh i definitely don't do leg day when there's people i definitely don't do leg days um when there's people there why i don't do leg days when there's people there why because i don't want to um be sharing the squat rack and i don't want a bunch of noise because i'm always afraid i'm going to hurt myself when i'm doing like heavy squats or something like that. Like, like it's one of the exercises where I feel like I'm just, man, if I lost my balance here, you could get a little, little, little crazy, huh? I've never, I haven't fallen. Um, I have, I've failed squats probably four times. I've failed, but I can always like get it off onto something really quickly. Like

I haven't like dropped it all the way to the ground, I guess. Are you not in a rack? Yeah. Yeah. I have, um, in the rack, there's these safety bars and off the back would be an elegant way to follow.

Then I'm not, that's not what happens. What happens to me is it would be behind my neck and I come crashing down and had there, had I not been in the squat rack, it would have perhaps smashed my face into the ground and broken my neck. But because I am, it just catches it two feet in the air and everything stops. I had a gym coach tell me, like, if I'm going to fail a squat, just let go of the bar and step forward.

And just let it crash on the safety. So your coach didn't say smash your face into the ground like Woody does? No, he was he was he was adamant about letting it go and stepping forward he's like if you're gonna fail just let it go and move forward as fast as you can i can't fucking not crap but yeah i'll be like this and it's happening you need an iv bag but he'll be here and i'm just like fail it's like ah it smashes down with the bar on my neck but i'm fine because i'm in a squat rack that's like my nightmare is like the squat rack failing me because i drop at the wrong angle and it like somehow knocks the safeties out of their holder

and then they fall and so i always like if i'm gonna fail just drop and like i'm out of the squat rack in one step like Like just let it crash. Like the safeties I have, it's like a hook on one end and then a straight end on the other one. They obviously just take it out. It's just a piece of metal. Like it's just metal. So they're like J hooks. They're not going from one front of the rack all the way to the back through.

They're going all the way through, but they're not like yours where they lock in on both sides. It's just a piece of metal. And so if I were to drop it at the wrong angle it could bounce because i've seen it do this it bounces and it shifts it enough that it like pushes it through out and so on yeah out of one of the posts and even if it's just one like that amount of weight i don't want fucking up my leg but uh no mine can't fail i use this safety also for my dips on the side like it's all of me bouncing up and down on this thing. It's not coming out.

To fix that, those clamps with the rubber on the end, I just put those around the end of the metal thing, on the end that's just sticking out without the hook. And just that little amount of pressure is enough to keep it from rolling or moving. So anyway, I know everybody's enthralled with us talking about exercising and working out i want to talk about this my phone camera is broken and that's the only reason you people are not getting shirtless pictures oh i can't wait for more i'm so i haven't gotten a i haven't gotten a mostly naked picture of kyle and weeks. It's been a while. It's been a while.

I got a real phone catastrophe happening over here. That's why you guys aren't getting pictures here. It looks like you drove over it. I'll show you what happens when the camera... Breaks while you're recording. Can you see everything jumping around? Oh, yeah. It's wiggling.

It's like moving around oh it's very fuzzy when it does finally take a picture very broken that is why you're not getting shirtless pictures but i'll get this resolved and you'll see me with no clothes on all right i'm gonna disable that feature on whatsapp that saves the the media straight to your don't you dare i worked hard for this. There'll be some days when you guys have a big long conversation on WhatsApp and you share 15 images. When I open my

photo library up, I'm like, what is all of this shit? Where did this come from? To me, it's you. You send as many pictures as anybody. You download pictures and videos from Reddit and then send it to us. I like it. I feel like Kyle curates a lot of the nonsense and i get to see the silly bits but it it definitely quality content i'll be like oh i took a cool photo three days ago

and it is like i don't know albums deep because of the whatsapp yeah yeah yeah i like uh i don't know i like the uh I like the internet. The internet has gotten better. Everybody says the internet's gotten worse. Boo. No, it has not. It's gotten way worse. I think it's gotten, it hasn't?

Yeah. You used to be able to post whatever you wanted anywhere. Is that what we want? Yes. Yes. That's how you get fun videos of people getting hit by cars on YouTube. There's plenty of videos of people getting hit by cars. I bet there's a subreddit just for people getting hit by cars on YouTube. There's plenty of videos of people getting hit by cars. I bet there's a subreddit

just for people getting hit by cars. Oh, by the way, I found the subreddit of the week, and it really plays in well to the lock and load. It's called, what was it, Cum Haters? I think it's Cum Haters. Yeah, let me double check that. It's girls. They will not like

our product. They will not like our product. I feel like you've mentioned this one to me before. Oh, am I 18 and up? I think I'm going to brave this. Top all time. Alright, I already am guessing it's going to be a girl vomiting from cum. Oh, God no. I'm betting she just really dislikes facials.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. They are not a fan of what's going on. It's pretty hilarious. They tough through it. These are good girls who just have the wrong mindset. Zach says they're cum dodgers, but they're not.

They're reluctant cum catchers. They're doing their best oftentimes. They always look like they've got a bad Cadbury egg or something. Did you forget what cum tasted like? Are you new here? How did you forget what cum tasted like since last time? Some of these are clearly

video quality of professional porn. It's like Woody showing up in an accounting job and not remembering math. Or being upset with the amount of math. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too much math for a camera. What, is Microsoft Excel?

Get the fuck out of here. I'm not... No one mentioned any spreadsheets to me. I'm here to do accounting. So this show is so fucking funny. We were like like what's the first thing we should talk about and i'm like astroworld we're an hour and a half in let's go back to pumpkins i think they should be year-round i'm sticking with it but just not the watermelon is the summer pumpkin. We could carve them up. Watermelon blows the fuck out of pumpkins.

They don't even deserve to be in the same sentence. I'm allergic to watermelon. It makes my mouth itch. I love watermelon. I eat it. What else has a husk like that that's good? Gourds are trash. Cantaloupe.

Cantaloupe's good. I like cantaloupe. Cantaloupe's good. Yeah, yeah. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe's good. Honeydew. I like that one. The green one. That's a solid one.

Fruit talk. Alright, guys. Let us know in the comments down below. What's your favorite fruit? Could be an orange. Oh, wait. I have a plum i think i'm sorry dude did you guys see that youtube was removing the dislike button i did see that mine's still there but according to reddit they announced they're removing it and some people i guess

feel like it's gone again that's so stupid like removing the dislike it first of all why is it stupid i'm open i'm open to the idea you want to watch a video like i do on youtube which is like animals fighting or people fighting or someone getting hit by a car you know immediately when you click on a video and the dislike is half the bar okay this piece of shit is going to be playing loud royalty free house russian music while there's like still pictures and no action shots and so immediately you know get out of here oh animals fighting oh ratings are

horrible I know this is just clickbait like not to mention like clickbait is one dislike bar will be you know out of sync or if you're trying to find a good version of something like if you're looking for like that I want to see that scene from Tombstone where he slaps billy bob thornton and there's like five of them and and like the one with all the dislikes is probably the one that's all fuzzy

or they cut it wrong or edited it wrong like or they added some fucking hip-hop music or some shit or something is on the spectrum of being a scam or just like untrue or dishonest it can get disliked a lot yeah yeah and i mean like it basically it just makes it harder to find quality content on youtube for normal people and it's like why why the fuck get rid of the dislike remember who cares remember when they took the dislike button off of netflix yeah yeah didn't they do that because they're like amy schumer's special tips they had started what it wasn't a dislike button it It was like a four-star rating system, maybe five. But it was really good about curating selections individually, I thought.

I always found that like, all right, I let this motherfucker know that I don't want to see any more rom-coms on my Netflix. But now it's like, did you love the rom-com? No. See you later. Wait, you don't want any more information? Not a bit. Wait, don't suggest it to me later.

Oh, they suggested it to me later. How did he like the rom-com? Well, he doesn't hate it. Because we didn't give him an option to hate it. To me, it's like we went from a one through five system that let you tell me what you liked to you know what i think it's better if i tell you what you should watch and then they can just push the right stuff and not really have like ratios to share netflix but they're pushing stuff really hard well you hit the nail on the head uh netflix is trying to transition as much as possible they've been

this isn't new they've been doing it for half a decade more to transition to their own programming. Things that they own. Because of how expensive it is to get Seinfeld. I think they just spent another half billion dollars to get Seinfeld through 2026. And I mean, how much could you have developed with half a billion dollars?

You know, like Jesus Christ, that's like a lot of Netflix content. A lot of Netflix content, like, like Jesus Christ, that's like a lot of Netflix. That's enough to do anything. A lot of Netflix content. It feels like they're almost trying to fill a catalog more than it is like make something independently good. I hope that that evolves.

You know, it's like, all right, we don't have a lot of content now. We're Netflix. We're a fairly new company. First, let's build a catalog and then let's start cultivating greatness.

Dude, I'm loving you. I got this Netflix. I love you too. All right. Well, then expect more naked pictures. We can't stop you.

I love you guys too. I'm sorry. I was just kidding. You. You. What a fact. Got him. Got him. Tee him up and knock him down.

I'm sorry. It's a show developed by Netflix. It it's on netflix of course and uh i am so sucked into this show right now i keep thinking that the next season won't be as good as the previous one and i i thought about this in advance on how to talk about you without spoilers and i've said this before you get this guy he's a bit of a stalker, and he kind of looks at you through the – no spoilers, Zach. I said no fucking spoilers. He looks at you through the window and masturbates a little bit.

But outside of that, we really like this guy. And, you know, he's pretty cool, and you hope these kids hit it off. And sure, she has her own character flaws that make her an imperfect girlfriend. But, hey, who amongst us is perfect? And then season two comes along and I think, oh, it will be a repeat of season one. Nay, nay. No, no.

They trick you into thinking that. I did not see this coming. It's new characters? Like an anthology? Or it's the same story? Because I haven't finished season one. There are some characters that work their way, that stick around and some characters that don't and uh second season comes along and you think it's gonna follow the same formula and i did this thing where i fell asleep got a little preview of things and then went back

and i still didn't fill in the gaps properly because the twist was that hard to see coming at least for me and now i'm in season three and shit's still good according to me and i'm dude check out you on netflix it's genuinely good it's not the like super testosterone stuff we normally recommend like i think kyle will at some point during the show but right after this it's good shit go ahead kyle take over oh man i love i love uh yellowstone i can't believe i let it sit on the shelf for so long um you recommended yellowstone or you said you were watching it at least and enjoying it somewhat i picked i i saw it the other night because i have um whatever channel it's on i can't remember

see the paramount network is it on the Peacock Network with NBC I think it's the AMC thing I think I have AMC which is also where The Walking Dead is I'm sure you know that Woody that's on Netflix actually oh shit okay well in any case I've really been digging it this is the Kevin Costner show where

he has like the biggest ranch in Montana which is seemingly the size of Rhode Island where he has the biggest ranch in Montana, which is seemingly the size of Rhode Island. And that's literally stated. I haven't caught exactly how many acres it is, but they mentioned sort of frivolously that, oh yeah, that's the year we added 200,000 acres.

So the ranch is at least, I would think half a million acres. Maybe it's stated at some point. It's gigantic. And he has so many enemies because he has this much land. Everybody wants to take it from him because it's such beautiful land. The Native American tribe nearby, they want to, like, turn it back into what it used to be, right? They want to go backwards with the land. The developers want to do the opposite.

They want to develop the with the land the developers want to do the opposite they want to develop the land into second homes and uh and one guy wants to build a fucking casino and uh and you say what state it was already montana and apparently it's about three quarters of a million acres uh is is i don't even know how big that is i can't i can't fathom it because brent's place is 80 000 acres and that blows your mind. So this is like that. This is like when someone explains to you just how big Jupiter is.

Right. And then they go comprehend. And then they explained to you that like 80,000 Jupiters fit inside the sun. And you were like, no, wait till we get to the universe. No, don't go that far.

Like I'm watching like, like something out of scanners. It's it's, I can't, I can't, I can't imagine it. No, don't go that far. Like something out of Scanners. I can't imagine it. So yeah, an enormous amount of property, the size of a state, you know? And he's got these cowboys that work for him who are almost like a militia or an army. I said this before the show.

It's a combination of Bonanza and Sons of Anarchy. And I was so proud of myself for coming up with that because that's exactly what it is. Bonanza is the story of a guy who owns... Bonanza is a guy about... I haven't seen Bonanza either. First, explain to us everything about Bonanza. Here's Bonanza in 10 seconds.

Here's Bonanza in 10 seconds. A Western TV show about Ben Cartwright, who owns the biggest ranch in Texas, and his three sons, and all the things they have to do to hold their land and keep it safe. Western TV show. It's that combined with Sons of

Anarchy. Because these guys don't wear... They essentially wear gang uniforms. After a while, you're like, y'all all like these guys don't wear like they essentially wear gang like uniforms right like like like after a while you're like y'all all seem to look the same and one of the characters even like i'm so tired he names like a brand of boots that i looked up for twelve thousand dollars luchessi or something like i'm so tired of your luchessi boots and your your stetson hats and your your bullshit redneck whimsical nonsense like they hate it because like all these guys are

like car hearts and fucking wranglers and cowboy hats and most of them are criminals and and at first i was really worried about kevin costner's character because it's like oh my god this enemy owns a casino and he's the president of the tribe, which means he's like the chief, essentially, but more so in a business manner. He's God. Because on tribal land, none of that federal law shit applies anymore, so you can just kind of do what you want with no oversight.

So he's that guy. He's that powerful, and he wants the guy's land. And then there's the developer who's seemingly worth maybe hundreds of millions of dollars, who wants to suck the river dry. And, but then you realize, wait a minute, Kevin Costner is the scariest guy on this whole fucking show.

He's just dead inside. And those cowboys that work for him are killers. They're all killers. Like when you said some of them are criminals, I'm like, well, actually being criminal is part of the job. It seems they're all criminal cowboy an ex-con who had been in prison for seven years.

There was one in his time. A cowboy joins. He just has they pick him up outside of prison. He's like, what were you in there for, cowboy? Manslaughter. Did seven years. Well, come on, man. Let's go to the ranch.

Like hires him. And like when they go to the ranch like hires him and like when they get to the ranch they they they hire him he has to go through some i won't spoil it but he has to go through some stuff to even get there uh he's got he's got to get the little rite of passage and then they want him to like do crime and he's like i'm here to be a cowboy i don't want to do no crime and the and like he's like you gonna do crime while you here if i tell you to do no crime and the and like he's like you're gonna do crime while you're here if i tell you to do crime you're gonna do crime oh and by the way you can never leave and he's like well i'm leaving and he starts walking away like you would and the boss like the like kevin costner his son drive up hey where you going he's like well i'm here to be a cowboy he's like that's all

we need you to be he's like well that ain't what i hear up down there at the bunkhouse they tell me they don't need some other stuff from he's like ah well, that ain't what I hear up down there at the bunkhouse. They tell me I don't need some other stuff from you. He's like, ah, well, don't listen to that shit. Turn around and head on back to the bunkhouse. You don't have to. But then the next episode, they're like, we're going to need you to do some illegal shit. He's like, how illegal? Ah, barely. And when they're done doing it,

they're like, by the way, you're implicated in a murder now because of what you just did for us. He's like, wait, what? Yeah, your fingerprints are on everything now. they intentionally set him up to take the fall for this crime which is murder so that he knows now he really really can't leave now he really has to leave i mean that was just like he's got your bets yeah i promise that now he's got to get out of the state he's got to get gone i think the motivation behind framing him for this murder. Now you got to stay forever.

It was that, uh, we will drop the dime on you if we can't trust you or don't like the way you're behaving. Yeah, perhaps. So yeah. Uh,

in any case, I really recommend it if you like Westerns. Um, and, there's a lot of drama going on and his daughter is really fucking hot. I like his daughter. And slutty. She is.

Actually. She's not slutty. She pretends to be. She's provocative. Is she chaste? No. No. She's got a dude that she is like.

No. She fucks repeatedly on the show. But she pretends that lots of people have a chance, but they don't. Yeah. Only the one guy really has a chance. And he's barely got a chance. And he's the biggest, toughest. He's the hoss. What do you mean barely has a chance but they don't yeah only the one guy really has a chance and he's barely got a chance and he's the biggest toughest he's the hoss what do you mean barely has a chance he he rails her all the time yeah but but but like sounds like he's gotta wait for her to come he could never

go to her i think and get laid he's gotta wait till she's horny and comes to like for almost rape him he's still fucking she's like she's like pulling out her like she's getting naked in in her daddy's house he works for daddy he is the big scary dude he's the scariest of the dudes and he's like what are you doing she's like you can either walk down the hall you can come back here and fuck me and he's like well i suppose they have like so they have a nice violent fuck in the bedroom. And she says something like, your dick's always smaller than I remember. I didn't remember that line.

It's like, I guess it's just nostalgia. Can you imagine the UTIs they dealt with? Fucking with like a dusty dick after a long... Oh, this is modern day. I'm sorry I didn't mention that. This is now. He has three quarters of a million acres now he drives a helicopter all the time he has a helicopter that he flies around and fucks with people i've been picturing old west the entire time i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i should

have i should have said that yeah it's real good it's a pretty good show. Oh, and his son. He has one son who is literally a Navy SEAL. He was in the Navy. Which one? Casey. Where they make the SEALs. The wild kid with the long hair who's always in trouble. The one that married that smoking hot Indian chick? Smoking hot Pocahontas.

Yeah. Yeah. He's literally a Navy SEAL. I didn't catch that about him well you know he they mentioned many times he joined the navy and uh and then they also mentioned that he had been behind in pakistan where he's not supposed to be taking out high value targets and that's seal team stuff if he's in the navy okay and then like his shooting skills you know like that i got i was like why is this guy fucking whoever will smith played in in just dead shot

or some shit yeah yeah did i i don't know but uh it like he i'm trying not to spoil anything but he finds himself in self-defense situations dead shot all the time and good god he is fine he comes out of them repeatedly with no trouble except for maybe some legal problems. And his other son, brilliant lawyer, sent him to Harvard. Doesn't get any respect for some reason. There's a flashback where he's like, son, I'm going to need you to become something that I can use to defend all of this. He's like, what's that mean, daddy? gonna need you to become something that i can use to defend all of this he's like what's that mean daddy i need you to be a lawyer you're going to harvard but i didn't apply to harvard well i applied for you and guess what you got in what a coincidence he's like isn't

that in boston yep yep so you're gonna go to boston you'll become a lawyer and go back here and you're gonna handle all my legal fees for free forever. So whenever some of Kate... When the Navy SEAL goes out and murders a couple people, the lawyer steps in and just cleans it all up, and it's this never-ending thing where they

are so bulletproof, Kevin Costner is. There's a scene where he punches the sheriff in the nose, and it's hilarious. He's like, you son of a bitch, and like lays the sheriff out and the sheriff just goes fuck i'm sorry that's real power hitting a cop and them apologizing to you yeah right you have to be like truly cream of the crop billionaire good show i highly recommend it um there's three seasons i'm almost done with the second season it's fairly violent were there titties when you watched

like I don't remember I want to say there was a little of that like implied titties the show I'm watching now you they always like dude they fuck they fuck she's clearly bottomless.

But the angle is such that like, you're not seeing, you know, anything great, great. And she's wearing a bra and it's like, how did they make this like bottomless, her riding cowgirl scene almost TV safe? Um, so I, I would bet that there are multiple cuts of yellowstone so i'm watching i think on amc which is probably amc network which which has it i think something like that i've got full titties like like um the daughter who's like who's like kind of slutty i have seen everything but her vagina like like there's a scene was there a scene that you saw where she gets that she um she's having a bad day and she goes and she gets in like a horse trough and takes a bath outside uh yes yeah yeah i saw that and yeah and you're right i did see her topless you

know who else i saw topless did you meet the girl that lives in the bunkhouse with the boys yes yeah i distinctly remember her being straight up topless and 10 out of 10 camel toe in those panties. Yeah, I noticed the camel toe as well in the white panties right when she got into the bunkhouse. And she did a little hip wiggle thing to pull her pants down. And it was full camel toe. I caught it. I'm a camel toe connoisseur. I know you are.

You've sent me so many pictures. I forgot who I was talking to for a moment. What are you, fool? You don't realize you're in the presence of a true analyst. I just linked something here. It's not even about Astroworld yet. I just saw it and it made me laugh. So apparently there is an issue going around a high school team,

a high school hockey team in Massachusetts celebrating Gay Tuesday and Hard R Friday. What? And people are upset about it, which seems outrageous. Seems like innocent fun. So it says Gay Tuesday allegedly called for players to strip naked in the locker room, and with the lights out, some team members would touch others inappropriately. If you didn't want to take your clothes off off teammates would hold you down and forcibly strip you on hard r fridays the tradition was to allegedly shout the n-word on command with the hard r sound at the end if a player was refused he was held down and smacked in the face the sex toy

until he had a welcome i laughed over that he was what would they doacked in the face of the sex toy until he had a welt on his cheek. Hang on, I laughed over that. What would they do if you refused to say the hard R? If you refused to participate in hard R Fridays, you were held down and smacked in the face of the sex toy until you have a welt on your cheek. Whoa. It seems like they're just team building. We don't call that a punishment at my house. A group text chat involving more than half of the members of the team allegedly included

deeply offensive words images mocking the holocaust and suggesting one of their few black classmates be lynched oh my god all right wait a minute being awful in their text. Call the news. I bet if we looked at this, we wouldn't think much of it. I bet they're just being goofy. Of course not. It's kids being shitty. It's kids being ironically offensive. Because I'm thinking about our WhatsApp chat,

and I'm checking boxes off, as you're describing this hockey team. And it's like, I'm just kidding, though. I think the Holocaust happened, you know? They're just memeing. Taylor sent me a Travis Scott Holocaust meme. It was fucking comedy gold. I've sent that to everyone I know.

I don't mention Taylor. It was hilarious. I told them I made it. You don't give credit to me, though, obviously. I told them I made it. That's part of the meme economy, is just taking credit for things, sending it to people, and then you get to enjoy the dopamine of them laughing at something that someone else made on 4chan more likely than not. Probably.

No, it's pretty dark. It's a picture of Hitler in black and white leaning down. You know how those crowds always were at his speeches seemingly. And he's leaning down into the crowd to touch someone or something and the caption reads something like um like hitler 1940 like checking on a a fan who went down in the crowd making sure they were safe hitler stops concert to check on phone the the sex toy was named the pink dragon and every year the senior class will bequeath the Pink Dragon to a younger teammate to keep the tradition going. Dude.

All right. So I've told you guys why I didn't. I think I've mentioned why I didn't play high school sports, and it was because I'd heard the story of the boy being raped with a Coca-Cola bottle on the bus. And I didn't want to be raped. And I felt like I was prime raping age, you know, coming in. Don't sell yourself short. You're still prime raping age. I suppose we all are.

I mean, that's a graph that's interesting, right? Because the more years go on, the more rapable I am. There's a point where it's just not even a challenge. It's going to drop off. Yeah. Convince me that you're my wife or something. I wouldn't know any difference. I think you're hard to rape right now. Now, you know what? I think that

the getting naked together for fun in the dark sounds like a good, raucous idea, but stripping someone forcefully and hitting them with the dildo you know that's not making them better at well i mean if they're not gonna join in you know i here's what i bet i bet that team had a winning record it would be it would be so funny if at the end it's like the massachusetts bullseyes continue their domination of the league at 42 and oh we're not gonna stop hard r fridays and you can't stop

yeah like at first i thought that like hard r friday so i thought that there was a school that had a hard r friday or something like that no it's just a bunch of kids being shitty because like we used to do that at school we would have days right like i'm trying to think what were those we would dress up and shit like on certain day there was like camo day like field days and stuff yeah no we would have like camouflage day and everybody would know to wear camouflage on that day and because we're in the south especially everybody's got camouflage so everybody's wearing it and and um i'm trying to think of the other days that we would do because we did a lot of them um maybe there was like a certain color day

um that you would wear or maybe color day or something like that something like that like maybe we are everybody wore green one day because that was our color um but but we yeah we would do shit like that a lot that was fucking pajama yeah pajama day i remember pajama day pajama day was cool pajama day was cool i had some sick pajamas so i was the only one with that onesie with the button up back can i show you there's another interesting part of this article on fridays of the victim told the globe players were screaming the n-word and on a tuesday an assistant walked into the dark locker room this is an adult coach turned on the lights saw one boy dancing naked in front of his naked classmates

and he turned off the light saying, I don't want to know. And so that's the, that's how the coaches handled it. There was a student representative talking to the school committee and he blamed the adults for allowing the toxicity to continue. Kids are kids. Kids can change, but the adults in power must be held accountable.

Fuck that shit. Those kids are badass. This person's being a big old grouch. Dude, I want to get in one of those naked dildo parties that they have. It's a normal every hockey team, you dance naked around each other. It's how you get better at scoring.

We do it in the beer leagues as adults. Dude, so my – You guys had – We had hard R Thursdays. That's so weird. My hockey team was fun. I really liked the guys and everything, right? They were a blast.

At this league, Taylor, you understand how like 11 players is a bad number. So you can add a 12, and the way the line changes work, it works much better. 13 works too. 9 works. 9 works 10 works but 11 sucks and there's a couple numbers that are not as good as others so what would happen is i'd show up early if the other team had a bad number i'd be like hey you can add one make it better and everyone was cool with this unless it was playoffs and um i i hop on this other team and i was like, oh, cool, cool. So I'm going to play with the Red Hots or whatever the fuck they were. And they had a stripper in their locker room before games.

I was like, this team fucking rocks. We had two girls on our team and they weren't't even that bad they were like really good for girls but like okay for guys yeah and uh they would change in our locker room it was just like yeah they're just players i guess yeah if they're comfortable i remember as a kid like or when i was in my teens i would coach a goalie camp in the summer for work. And like, there were like girls and they would always get their own space. But those were like, these kids were like topping out at 13. And so you should clearly be having different space.

And like, I remember I would be in like the guy's locker room, helping the goalies like put their stuff on and it's crowded as shit. No one can take a step anywhere. And like, there was a real bit of like frustration from the guy goalies like did you see jennifer she has her own entire locker room to her like they're like nine years old so like they're before even like sexual attraction they're just indignant that they don't understand

the reason that jennifer every week got her own room and they're like she crammed in here and it's like just you'll get it when you're older like just chill out there's a reason goalies need space too I think goalies took twice as much room as everybody else easily twice as much but I would always try and be conscious of it but like you can't help it like part of

ideally they run to the middle like if you take twice as much bench then that's hard on everyone but if you go into the middle of the room then dude that's just goalie shit that's what i always did it was like sorry you have to step over me yeah i i have five times as much equipment to put on than you i dress like the michelin man what am i gonna do i used to get like so jealous of players and how quick they could put on their equipment because my my buddy dan who's the guy i've talked about who was the best hockey player to ever play for our high school,

and he played with me on a couple other more high-quality select teams, and he would show up to the high school games drunk and just would be like, you got to get ready, Dan. No exceptions. No exceptions. You're not ready five minutes before we take the ice. You're sitting the first period.

And he'd be like, okay, I bet, I bet, I bet i bet and i'm gonna put all this stuff on taking his time we're like leaving like they're about to drop the puck and he's like coming out there and then it'd be like all right dan you're centering the first one and you know uh when when your wingers come in you go ahead and you just center the second line as well. And he was, he was remarkable to watch play. Like he could have had a brighter future in it if he didn't get so into the drugs and the, uh,

the harder stuff. But it's interesting how that goes. Like it felt like, like in my, like there were parallel worlds almost like when I was 16 or whatever, when I was playing, like for my high school team, it'd be like the drugs they talked about was like,

Oh, we're going to go have some beers after this, or we're going to smoke some weed. The other hockey team, like the select, the more elite one where he traveled around, like those kids were like popping pills. They'd like bring cocaine and stuff.

I'm thinking of two kids in particular, like, not like everyone was bad, but it was like a mind fuck at 16 to like, see someone with like a little bag of powder talking about it i remember being like oh my god i've seen stuff about this on tv like i've seen commercials of people talking about it but yeah it's anyway i'll uh while kyle is gone we're gonna hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors blue chew fall is here and we could all

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So yeah, get after it. That makes us look good. So if you're just getting some, if you don't care about how big your fucking loads of cum are and you just want to get some pre-workout use use the code muscles or whatever yeah i saw that turkestone stuff was turkesterone that's the stuff always got some handy you have turkesterone of course i have turkesterone i don't have any i like i told derrick when he was on the show i bought like 150 dollars150 worth when they stocked up. Oh, I forgot. Okay. Yeah. So like, I don't, I don't like bothering people. And I was in, I saw he had made a video. He's like, all right, DeCrestor runs back. Some of you say it doesn't work. Here's all the evidence that says it does. I really don't even know. I think it works better for some people than others. I have 1500 bottles of it. They are $40 a piece. I leave this to you. Dude, did you see Greg's video on the same topic?

So Greg made a competing farmer company. And he's like, Terkestro, if you take it, does it work? If you take it, are you still natural? It's in stock. I was like, huh. He nailed it. He nailed it. Yeah, I agree with everything he says. Did you see the one that i'm talking about are you just going on no no i'm saying that like like like the what you just said like are you still natural i don't know does it work i don't know

it's got my own in it probably it sounds like it works i I picture a strong Turkish man every time. All greased up like one of the bad guys who'd be in a mine in Indiana Jones. That's what I picture when I hear Turkester on. I have no idea. Like I was telling Taylor the other day, I take so many things that you can't put your finger on what works. This works. This thing I do works. This routine works um i'm trying to think what i cut out my eyes were red and burning for a year and i finally

like got them to stop and i don't know what i took out i took like two two supplements out and i don't know two or three things because i was taking your eyes red my eyes would always be so dried out and red all the time i was like going through so many um eye drops and stuff like like constantly l carnitine no no okay that one's a keeper just wanted to know if it was still in your i just cut out a couple pills i'm like i was taking more than 27 it was a stupid amount at one point it was like 35 or something because i was taking a bunch of cognitive support and well. Now it's not stupid anymore. It's stupid now.

I get them in a pile. Thank God you got it under control. Thank God you're down to 27 pills a day. Next show, I'll get a dose, my daily dose, and I'll put it in a plastic bag so you can see what it is or a bottle or something and I'll show you what it looks like because it's stupid.

Sometimes you need more pills to get it done like if someone if like a lot of those uh one a day multivitamins like you look at those online or like even derek will critique them and he's like yeah this has everything you need in it but like five percent of it. Yeah. Like, yeah, I take Thorne. Thorne is the best multivitamin that you can get. T H O R N E. It's a AM PM three capsules in the morning and then three more in the evening. They are rather expensive, but it is the best multivitamin on the market.

It's what Derek takes and it's what I take. It's about 50 bucks a month. And yeah, the market it's what derek takes and it's what i take it's about 50 bucks a month um and uh yeah that's what i take in conjunction with everything else like like you were talking about magnesium glycinate earlier and i was like yeah i take that yeah for sure and um but i mean my coffee table's usually i what i'll do is if i'm having company over i have a cardboard box that that's in a closet i'll get it out i'll go to my coffee table and I'll just rake the entire coffee table into, I mean the top of the coffee table into that box because it's syringes and fucking vials and 18 different medicine bottles.

And some of them are prescription bottles. And it's like, I don't want to have a conversation about this tonight. No, you don't get tired. You're getting tired of it. Seeing all the syringes everywhere. I was tired of, I don't want any, that's not good it seeing i was tired of i don't want any that that's getting tired of explaining or he doesn't want to explain yeah you know like like

i don't want to have to go into a whole thing i don't want oh no i know like i was figuring like you've gone through that rigmarole enough that now you just put it all away i'm sure a couple times you're like whatever leave it out and they were like i don't want anybody who doesn't know what they are for before they see them so so like i'll like mention like hey i you know i these are the sometimes i'll show them but but like if you're gonna like have syringes laying on around your house someone should probably know what you're doing people will think it's heroin people will think it's heroin or or meth or whatever else you can inject meth what's the one where you burn it on a spoon and inhale it? There's a few of them you burn onto a spoon and then inject

and then there's a few that you freebase, which is when you sort of cook it on a piece of aluminum foil and the vapors come up and you... I'm conflating those things, yeah. There's an r slash meth and it's just people posting selfie videos of like, watch me do meth. How do

they do it? With with a needle they have a glass pipe yeah and then like i guess they put the meth in there then they hold a lighter under it until i guess it liquefies and then they i i don't really i and then it starts to become gaseous and then they breathe in so they get the gases it there's something that ruins your teeth i think as you inhale it i i thought it did too and then i was surprised when like apparently meth doesn't have any direct relationship with your oral health it's that people who get addicted to meth never do anything like the same reason that their hair is like matted and falling out and their skin is crusty

and dirt covered like they're just not doing hygiene. They're doing meth 24 seven. Like I know they'll pick at their faces a lot. Like they'll, they'll, they'll have those little sores all over for their, that's meth. I thought that was heroin. That's no,

no heroin. Heroin. You just having a good old time. You're that's, I think you're to get track marks a lot from the, the amount of needle. Why do they get track marks so badly? They're stabbing the vein. Yeah. And as opposed to the muscle it destroys the vein i can feel a little bit of scar tissue in my delt like

like like when the needle goes in and instead of feeling like i don't know stabbing something that's completely resistant resistance less like an orange or i don't know like a piece of chicken breast which is what my doubt is what that word is resistance list is that that i don't know. A piece of chicken breast? I don't know what that word is. Resistanceless? I don't know. Without resistance? Resistanceless. I think we bet on UFC, but I'll bet on resistanceless too if we need to.

I'll take it. $1. $1 says it's a real word. I feel like I've got a little bit of scar tissue because I'm hitting the same place over and over and so going in it's like like i can feel it like doing a little thing so i'm gonna move it around the videos i see of people doing like heroin in public like it doesn't even look fun like they're zombified like they're barely able to hold themselves standing i saw some fucked up video online where like it was clearly a couple and they were both on heroin like swaying not even walking down

the road on a public sidewalk mind you and the guy had one of those like papoose things with a child in it like you know where you like wear your child in the front backpack yeah he was wearing one of those and he was was leaning around clearly on heroin. A Bjorn. This guy's going to fall and kill this kid. Isn't it called a Bjorn? It could be. I don't know.

B-J-O-R-N? What is a Papoose? When you said Papoose, I thought of the Indian guy from Seinfeld. Yeah, it's an Indian thing. I think you're right. Yeah. I don't know well do you want to uh talk about the astroworld thing so here's the thing about that i don't know who travis scott is i i didn't either but i learned when i saw the the story he's a he's a really bad rapper like the music is like granted the only experience i have

with this music is watching clips of hills him still singing as people are dying in this crowd but it is bad it's so great tuned oh come on you're getting the worst of travis scott maybe this guy's a real musician no seems like a piece of shit i mean those people i mean what i hear people are dying to watch him play literally yeah yeah i think you're right at least not now nine nine people have died a nine-year-old kid died i think yesterday or today zach was telling me before the show which like i was wondering like who the fuck brings a child to one of these concerts and then i learned that travis scott has his own fortnight skin shit and character and so it's like yeah this guy was clearly marketed to children there's

no getting around that but like the most disturbing thing from this whole astro world i'm sorry i have to interrupt yeah hey falcon says you've received one dollar from matthew woodworth resistance the woodworth always pays his debt Pafe Alc says, you've received $1 from Matthew Woodworth. Resistanceless. But Woodworth always pays his debts. I love it. But anyway, there's this really fucked up video that we can't show it, obviously. But this guy, Travis Scott, is up on a cherry picker. You know how artists will do.

They get up there, and it's like a surprising thing. I saw a Coldplay in 2007, and they stopped the show, and then they magically started playing again 10 feet in front of us in the middle of the group. They did all that. It was neat. But this guy's up on a cherry picker. There are huge crowds of people falling on each other, collapsing.

A big reason for this is that they were sold out, apparently. And he tweeted, like, we're still letting the wild ones in. And there are videos of thousands of people storming past security, just running into the concert before it even started. First of all, any of those people could have guns. They could have anything. You don't allow a concert after that's happened. There was a crowd collapse in that video

where all these people are running in and because it's in a straight line for the most part and you're just running into it there's like a huge pile up and you could hear people like and then they get pulled out and they keep going. But the real fucked up shit was at the concert. He's it's already been going awry for many, many minutes. People have drawn attention to him and his guys, the cameraman, a woman and a guy got up on the stage and we the show. People are dying. They didn't do it. They didn't care. Two people from Travis's own kind of like posse or his team come out to him, say something to him in the middle of the show ostensibly about how we should probably shut this down. And he says, I want to

feel the ground shake as all this stuff is happening. But when he there's a really upsetting video where it's like the aftermath of a crowd crush and people are still injured very very hurt and two workers there are carrying out this guy who has both of his legs clearly like shattered yeah like and he's dead it's a dead body they're carrying a dead body out and this person's filming it and filming up at travis scott and there is he's staring directly at the body being carried away at his show and singing through auto tune going yeah

yeah it's literally that it's so fucked up and upsetting and for them to come out afterward and be like oh we didn't even know no you fucking new bitch you knew a million artists have shut down shows for way way less than that

at the at the level of the adele adele has shut down shows and been like there's someone in trouble right there do you think there was a mishmash of 200 people or 20 people being crushed at the adele show no it was one person who fell and she shuts it down immediately the guys from fucking five for fighting the guys from the Foo Fighters, everyone does this. This guy watched it happen. I saw Tim McGraw threaten to kick a guy's ass once. I'm sure.

It's like a norm for these performers. Stop touching that woman. Get your hands off her. But yeah, he already... Come back and hook your ass. And the whole crowd's like, yeah. And meanwhile, it's like, do you really want to be the guy

who just randomly sexually assaulted a woman at the front row of a concert and now Tim McGraw just threatened yeah yeah in front of 15 000 good old boys who are all his fans who are wearing the same gang uniform those guys from uh the yellowstone where they're all tim mcgraw seems like a pretty good guy based on that this guy travis scott seems like an absolute garbage piece of shit mcgraw um tim. Tim McGraw was at a concert once. I want to say maybe Faith Hill was there. Faith Hill's his wife, if you don't know.

They're both very big country music artists. They were two of the biggest in their prime in the 90s, and they're married. But I remember he had one of those stages where there's the – you know what a stage looks like, but there's that pier that kind of comes out into the crowd in some instances so they can walk out and be completely surrounded by the crowd.

He was leaned down or something. A woman from the crowd... I don't remember what she did to him. She grabbed him in a sexual way, though. She groped him. I think that's accurate. He slapped the shit out of her. It was beautiful. It was like, ah, Tim McGrawgraw slap a bitch he's not playing

any games you can uh we cannot watch this on the show but you guys while i'm talking about it you can watch it briefly for the next 22 seconds with volume it's called travis scott sings as he watches security carry away one of his fans lifeless body it's got 53 000 views so watch this with the sound and confirm for me and apparently everybody else on the internet other than his hardcore fans that he is absolutely looking at this guy as he's dead dying being carried off singing yeah let me into the mic he is when you first described that i pictured him i don't know why, like 400 feet in the air. You don't know what he could see and what he couldn't. That dude is like 30 feet in the air. He is not unable to see that

dead body. He's watching it. He's watching the dead body. I think you both are like, damn,vis scott guy real piece of shit the internet has taken a different view of this go on there's something fishy here this travis scott guy is into demonic forces he was doing a ritual there are a lot look at the comments of that video right there there are a lot of people who believe that travis i read all about that that was like taking a that was like staring into the abyss and feeling the abyss staring back in me we're like it wasn't enough to be like yeah this guy's an absolute garbage person who watched people die who encouraged people to break in and make this

more dangerous for that's a wild tweet but people, you know, there were eight flames on the stage and eight people died. There are nine now. Shut up. That doesn't count. That doesn't count. All right, but it was creepy. And the tunnel was meant to make people feel like they were in hell. And it said, see you on the other side.

He clearly meant to say, see you on the other side, dead person. And it's like, no, you don't need to go a million miles just to achieve your point. I don't think he's like worshiping the devil. I prefer it if he is. I think what I wonder is like, what's going to happen to him? I wonder how culpable he is for all of this. I'm imagining that. A little background thing for you, Kyle, before you go into it,

he also got in trouble for encouraging a fan to jump off of a really high bit of scaffolding in a 2017 show, screaming for him to do it. The guy did it. He's paralyzed. He's encouraged people to rage. He like, one of his things is like,

I want wild people there. I want them like, and it's not like moshing, like at a metal concert where like someone falls and like some guy in a harley davidson jacket goes like get that lady up like no it's like people trying to harm each other it seems like and some of these raging incidents well you know what i would avoid those concerts as a intelligent human being the same way i avoid a lot of dangerous scenarios and i i'm not sure how i feel about people who chose to do an extreme activity which leads to my next topic yeah yeah i

mean if anything ever happens to woody we're all gonna feel bad but it's like we're gonna look shrug and be like i mean how many times did we talk about this do you think that you i think that travis scott is in himself culpable for a lot of this because of the, what he curated, what he encouraged, telling thousands of people to break in like as if that's not dangerous enough, like just to be, just to be edgy, just to be wild. So like, yeah, he clearly is culpable for this. He immediately refunded all 50,000 people who paid for it because he knows

that's going to be a thing like hope like what what venues are going to let this guy play oh i would want him so bad i would definitely want him at my venue um if it's insured who fucking cares yeah because yeah yeah what are the insurance rates going to be for a guy who had nine people die to show i mean get a quote let's find Because I bet it's going to be fucking sold out. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, let's fucking find out. Do we need to like, I mean, I get merch involved. Do we need to take another percentage of that?

Like, but we can get a Travis Scott concert. I'd have a Travis Scott concert. Look, if you go, you know what you're getting into. You know what you're getting into when you go there. But you don't really. Because like, apparently he appeals to like people in their teens, early early 20s they buy a ticket and then thousands of people rush in it's overcrowded crowd management's horrible there was there's this one video of this black guy who was at the show and he's like telling his experience and he's like i don't think he's acting he seems

legit torn up about it he's like i was down there and i don't want to exaggerate but it felt like i was in hell like you're moving there's a writhing mass of bodies you can't lift your arms you can't move like you're you're like pushing out so you can get your lungs to expand enough you're breathing the hot air of other people's exhales and meanwhile people are screaming and no one's stopping like there's the clip all those people are fucking knocked down and then everybody's like stop this show stop this show and travis scott's like all right next song is like are you kidding me dude now we're gonna do a song i call yeah yeah i call it yeah bring out that guy and marionette him around for me i get off to dead

yeah it's pretty fucked up um nine-year-old died yeah it's interesting i don't know the tweet the tweet's interesting too um it seems like i don't know it seems like it should be on the the security right it seems like it was their job to make sure that people didn't come in. I mean, I don't know. We'll find out. We'll find out. I think he's more likely to be in trouble in some sort of civil suit than he is to be charged with something. Sure. Yeah. Because he's culpable, but I don't know if he's guilty of anything. He's culpable of a lot. I don't know if he's guilty of anything. Yeah. I mean, that's fair. I mean, he's guilty in a moral sense of intentionally creating a situation in which people are likely to be harmed.

What was that word? What? The M one. I don't know. Moral? Yeah, moral. Like a mural? Like ethics.

You know how ethics work you fucking psychopath he's in trouble he's in trouble there one way or the other yeah um and uh i can't believe he didn't stop it it almost seems like he gets off on seeing people get fucked up um give him the benefit of the doubt though it's not like he's got an ekg machine up there in that cherry picker he didn't know the guy was dead dead for all he knows the guy's unconscious or something they weren't like he's dead he did give a quote let me try and find it where he said that he likes seeing blood at his shows all right i mean i like i don't like that tweet it's hard to defend that one that's what you call a conversation that's what you call a bad tweet

what is it is it this one yeah he said he talks about his desire to see bodies slash blood when he's performing but not his obviously so someone he never he never crowd surfs he just he seems like a fucking ghoul oh no he did crowd surf did crowd surf. He crowd surfed. You know when he did stop a show? He stopped a show when he was crowd surfing and he lost one of his shoes and he told the crowd to beat up the guy who had his shoe. He stopped the entire show then for the shoe, but not for this. So this guy is garbage.

He's a piece of shit's somebody pulled his shoe off yeah or they or they didn't it's fucking crowd surfing you don't know oh i bet they i guarantee i bet someone did pull a shoe off there because i was watching um i don't want to shift topics sick people um yeah it's it's fucking wild uh nine people you say are dead now do we yeah you don't know the ages roughly were there any any children? The youngest was nine. Nine to 27 I think were the ages at last count. Watching the videos, it seems

remarkable that only nine people died. I wonder where the nine-year-old's parents are. Yeah, I did hear about that. That's horrible. Yeah, but it's also literal hero shit. I bet she wanted to go to the show she's a little beaten and bruised up but i guess he was successful in that he saved her

oh that's so sad well good for her i would be like you wanted to come to this fucking retarded show we're both dying it depends how well I know her. I may use her as a boogie board by the end of my escape. Those metal bars at the front of the concert thing, you know how usually

they pan across those with a camera and everybody's going, yeah, we're having a great time. Every single person is like, ugh, ugh, ugh like they can't breathe no you it's uh it's like a slatted iron thing and it's uh the metal comes up to about like you know if you're uh one of our heights probably about your sternum but for a woman that's very high you could jump it in theory but not with that amount of pressure like they showed the bouncers trying to pull one guy out two huge

bouncers trying to pull one dude out from the very front and it was like he was so pinched it took them five minutes to get this one dude out and they're like probably breaking his shins as they're pulling him over the thing because the amount of pressure being exerted first jesus no i'm saying like by the time they pulled him up that far in his it's getting getting oh man look look i've this thing is hitting me kind of weird right because i hate outdoor music concerts i don't like and indoor ones as well music festivals look i love music i love it i've got good taste taste in music. Everybody loves my playlists. They're great. But I have so little.

One of my least favorite things in the world, aside from the beach, is I just remember being taken to this outdoor music festival concert nonsense one time and standing in the heat under the sun in a crowd of people with no weed and no alcohol and just listening to someone play over bad speakers a song i'd never heard before that that was just passable at best standing i've already been standing three or four fucking hours i had to walk two miles to get here because you got to park so far away. And I'm just like, is this hell? Is this hell right now? Like, is this it? I hate it.

So when I hear that some parents sent their nine-year-old to a Travis Scott concert and then like. No, the parent went with them. The parent didn't die, though. The parent didn't die. He was using a little tactical shielding, I think. Yeah. Kids makes a hell of a shield. You don't want to hit it long wow yeah but it is it is wild like there's like i it got me into like a wikipedia like internet research of like crowd crushing events oh and stuff like that

there was some horrible one in england like uh not in the recent in recent history you know 20 years ago or so where like 97 people died being crushed up against a fence football game uh i it was either that or some kind of race i think it was a foot no no it was a football game you're right yeah it's insane it is insane that like and then i saw uh i saw people hating on it online because like cnn or some news source like posted a video about it being like watch the moment travis scott stops the concert because of injured fans and it's like and everyone's like disliking like are you retarded like you stopped the video right before he said nah fuck. I want to feel the ground shake. Did they? Yeah. Yeah, they cut it right before.

That's a serious false narrative. Yeah, they were like, oh, he slowed down. And then. What were they thinking? No, I want to feel the ground shake. There's an ambulance. You can see it in the crowd. It's trying to drive through.

And he's encouraging fans going, what the fuck is that? Nah, whatever. Next song. And his fans are jumping up and down on the little ambulance like the ambulance people are screaming in videos like stop we're trying to get out like it's it is beyond fucked so i it feels like the kind of thing where they'll make new rules about concerts but also the kind of thing where no we already have all these rules it's because this person didn't follow you know how fucking you

know i don't know you too is able to have concerts or you know how metallica can have a concert with because all their fans are five times as many people yeah that's true or why metallica could have a concert with um five times as many people in 1987 well because they were following things like like regulations and rules and and crowd structuring and all that. It's sad. Like people showed up there thinking they were going to watch horrible music for an exorbitant fee and they died. They just wanted to be ripped off. Just rough.

It was very, very sad. Anyway, Woody, you were saying this led into something you were very interested in. Oh, yeah, Zach, can you go to the first video? I have been chasing a trick for about two and a half years now called the Infinite Tumble. This is the Mount... What the hell is the big one?

Mount Everest of paragliding like acro. Go ahead and bless pray. I think about it. I'm going to show me doing it in a second, but if you're not used to looking at like knee cameras, the perspective is confusing. This is what I did. Oh, come on now.

Wait, is this guy Horatio Lorenz like really, really good? Yeah, yeah. This is a pretty elite move. There's like maybe 100 people who've ever lived who can do this. And in the paramotor world where I'm coming from, five. Like I'm in from, five? I'm in a friend group of like six guys who've all been chasing this. And I got it first.

I can't believe it was me. I was shocked. I'm proud of you, man. How many times did you do the loop? Five. Five, perfect. Here, let's go to my footage. Yeah, let's see.

This looks horrifying. So you kind of like first you go sideways and then you go sort of at an angle until you eventually do like a perfect front. Oh, OK. Yeah, that sounds easy. So so this is me. And you see that it's 49 seconds long. So I'll get there. How high are you roughly? I think it started the trick at like twenty five hundred feet. OK.

roughly. I think it started the trick at like 2,500 feet. Okay. Oh. I'm not quite perfectly vertical yet. You can't tell, but the arm that's off screen is pumping the brake. You can see the curvature of the earth.

Stop lying. The lines go limp as I go over. You can see everything gets kind of loose in there and before oh now i'm holding on now i'm perfectly over the top this is it i've achieved like the mount everest what are you thinking in this moment so i'm thinking hold on that's what i'd be thinking too that's great the safe way out of that perfectly oriented front flip, I guess I'll call it,

is you just don't pull brake. And then eventually you'll go from right over perfect off to the side in a safer configuration. And it's like, Woody, have some goddamn courage right here. Don't try to exit this. Let it exit naturally. And that's what's going on in my head and uh i hate it

i love that that's that stressed me out that tandem no people can do it but i wouldn't i can't host the show by myself i'm gonna need you to start with like 150 pound bag of potatoes or something like that all right all right get to the point where you can do it. And then we're going to loop-de-loop. Do you get nauseous while you're spinning? It's not like he's going forever. I mean, he probably got a little dizzy, but that was great.

A little dizzy, yeah. More of it is when you train that move all day long, it's like riding a roller coaster all day long. It can kind of add up and drain you in a bunch of ways. Roller coaster is easier, though, because you're just letting go and it's fulfilling what it's going to do. This is like you're spinning on your own volition. And you're the one in charge of it.

That's the coolest thing I've seen out of paramotoring, that loop-de-loop maneuver there. I like that a lot. That looked fun. You're a fucking like legit black belt in this community. They've marked me as a group expert in, in the like paragliding world. So Zach, if you could do this one as quick as possible,

it's timestamp. This guy is a really, really like top elite level guy. And he takes passengers and does infinity tumbles that's the move i just showed you with him and what you're going to see is the difference between a small passenger and a big passenger zach i hope you're hustling because i can't wait to show this i'm all excited i've i've time stamped and said you don't have to wait for much this is the big passenger uh well'm going to show the little one first

But like half way through Oh god So this is this girl Hit play You see they're looping around And they're having a good time Oh it looks like I cut out most of the movie God do you really want to die in that shirt girl

Look she's a So this is Misha misha's a big dude oh you're goddamn right misha's 250 260 if you cut off that spin on the upswing they go into space look at what happened the weight shatters into the waist Oh wait. Are they gonna die? Reserve parachutes on them, but yeah look at this Don't don't try the trick on the reserve They keep replaying it is that is that common that it just explodes? I've never seen it outside of this tandem. No, it's not common.

That was just too much weight. That was real cool. It was too much force. That was really cool. This has taught me that, Kyle, you and I need to be ready to just take this show, the two of us. Yeah.

And just kind of be on the lookout. We're in a third third already thought of i think it's what you're really getting at yeah yeah i mean like send him a text message offer him to what 250 200 bucks for a show you did you would you yeah that's literally send someone the message you sent me in 2013 and just say, I'll give you $2.50 a shot. Okay. How would you like to never worry about beer money again? I can't believe that.

That is the wildest trick. For some reason, I didn't think you were doing shit that wild up there. I thought you were more like enjoying views. That's how it starts. At first, you're like... That's what we would do if we were tandem. Enjoy views if you want to get upside down.

There's safer ways than that to do it. I take passengers upside down all the time. But that movie is just for me. What was Woody's superhero alter ego what was he the night hawk i think that's what i call it i'm imagining a scene in your movie now where you're doing that loop-de-loop maneuver but you turn it into some sort of like a double kick like like like imagine if you kick the person doing the loop imagine how much force

you have you could kill a man well sure he broke both of his legs but he's dead i want to see that in an action movie i want to see the loop-de-loop turned into like a double like kick straight to the face could you would you break your legs if you kicked someone that hard i guess it'd just be like any other kick so flying straight on that wing i'm going about 25 30 miles an hour that's you'd hurt yourself if you kick someone right yeah it's a i i think that you'd get hurt because the reason i think what i really think of is back to that that incident where the person was on the batman roller coaster and they kicked the guy in the head who was on the ground and it took the guy's head off and it uh it ruined their leg

i think it took like their foot off almost yeah their their leg was like ruined um like going over 25 right probably 50 or 60 yeah i mean they do nhl highlights 40 to 60 probably they'll show like how fast and a charge an nhl player is going sometimes and if they hit 25 before they hit someone it is it's cataclysmic like how how devastating the hit is like the person looks dead sometimes so like it depends on the footwear a lot too like my motorcycle boots i'm pretty confident i could kick someone at 25 yeah you just don't want your knees to buckle i think i think you'd so in this i'm imagining your toe kick right not to No, to bend, but not buckle. If you locked him out straight,

like I can... Yeah, I'm picturing a toe kick. So just the knee bends backwards. I would have my knee bent a little and try to lean with heels. Yeah, if I was kicking someone in that scenario, definitely a bent. Dude, but you might literally kick their head off.

You might. I wish it were safe for you to do this this now this would be this would blow that waffle house trip that gentleman made away if you did the loop-de-loop at ground level keep bearing in mind it's a i was clearly trying to get me off the show and i'm sorry were you doing backwards loop-de-loops in that video like feet going up feet overhead how the fuck do you do it yeah it had to be

it had to be like I'm going in the same direction you would a somersault in the same direction you're facing so as I alright I'm gonna need a visual representation so like this is you obviously this is your head so you're going like that so yeah as you swing forward you would

hit people with your heels as you sort of like come around does that make sense exactly perfect yeah now i can visualize all right no if you could manage to do that to a mannequin at ground level and kick its head off. Low acro is not safe. Oh, I'm aware. I literally may have described the most dangerous thing you could possibly do.

What about those guys that go wing flying, wing suiting? I think Richard Ryan showed us a video of that where he's almost weaving in between the cliffs. That's more dangerous right i would yeah well richard ryan doesn't do it um proximity that's what they call it when you go really close to stuff okay he does it at altitude which is really pretty safe but when you're just playing chicken with the ground like that and your margin of error is less than 10 feet people eventually get it wrong and uh yeah and because like your your depth perception has got

to be a little fucked at times when you're that high going that quickly where you think you're going to have an easy scoop out but it's eight feet closer than you thought it was and you're dead so it's about energy management And like the faster you're going, the more energy you have to convert into altitude. And what will happen is people will like go too slow and not have the lift they expected and they get hurt. Yeah. They're taking it.

They think they're playing it safe, but they're killing themselves. Yeah. You know, they're just basically like using all their stopping power, going slow instead of zooming down hard. And then when they need to convert that into gaining altitude, they're fine.

They need the velocity and they don't have it. Yep. That sounds like a really scary thing to do. Richard offered to get me jump certified in two weekends one time or something like that. I should have said yes. That would make you air sick too. Just jump after jump after jump.

That's what they do. I don't know how many jumps it is. It be 100 like it's something in that like i have 37 in my head where did i get that number okay i i thought maybe 100 for um the the wings wingsuiting thing oh that it's 25 jumps to get a skydiving license for wingsuiting i don't know yeah i think that's what we're gonna try to hit like we're because 25 you absolutely you can knock that out on the weekend for sure like just going up i think especially up on the weekend yeah yeah yeah i should have done that that would be cool um i've never jumped out of a plane but i but i'm like i don't know i'd do it i'm not like afraid of it uh i think it'd be fun wingsuiting yeah i think

it'd be fun i think it just jumping out of a plane would be fun i think have you not done that yet no no i i would much rather do that than scuba dive i've agreed to it scary i've agreed to it multiple times in contracts um and this you know did this deal or that deal didn't work through we like i would say like 30 of deals just kind of vanish and uh and and like the skydiving stuff just never came to fruition i promised a lot of things like because we would do these things where it's like okay x company wants a video this is their budget and this is what this is a general outline of what they were thinking but they're open to suggestions and i would come up with like an a b and c like all right for for this much money, you get this.

For this much, you get that. And for this much, holy shit. I mean, like I'm going to call some friends. It's going to be silly. But sometimes I would put things like skydiving shots in there and stuff like that. So I was essentially agreeing via contract to do some silly shit. I think I put – I said I was going to wingsuit in one of them,

so I was going to have to get wingsuit certified. i've agreed to get tasered a bunch of times and it's thankfully it never happened there was a bunch of things i agreed to and thankfully i was just like do i even want that money have you ever wanted before i feel like never tasered you've been stun gunned you know when you take this little we did that yeah how much more powerful is a taser than a stun gun an order of fucking magnitude all right but it's consistent right all right so so what the first thing you got to uh get straight is the difference between a stun gun and a taser right so a taser is the thing that shoots the barbs through the air and they they go into you um but the um i think it's the x26 sometimes i call it the m26 because i'm stupid i think it's

the x26 police taser system thingy um you've got these cartridges that go on the front and and and each one allows for one firing of the barbs and wire and nonsense for like that 15 feet of range they have whatever it is but then those pop right off and now you've got a stun gun that's very effective like like in that that you have to like touch people with um but what woody and i had was this cheap like nine volt stun gun from like a sporting goods store that hurt like a motherfucker but you're not incapacitating anybody with that thing they're just gonna beat you off if you if you shock somebody it's i feel like it's it's worse than a needle right but it it's it reminds me of a needle in that you can either be a big pussy about it or you can just decide to ignore it. Yeah.

But you can't ignore the taser. Like that's just there and you're fucking shot. If it's connected correctly, you absolutely cannot ignore the taser. If it's incorrectly applied, then it's just going to be a pain threshold anger kind of thing that you could fight through it. applied, then it's, it's just going to be a pain threshold anger kind of thing that you could fight through it. But if it's correctly applied, then you're, um, then you've got one barb kind of like upper shoulders maybe. And the other barb is maybe upper thigh on the opposite leg. And so everything between those two bars is contracting. It's contracting at some ridiculous frequency, you know, like, like, because the pop up, up, up, up, up, up, up, like, like you've ever heard

one of those goes, go off. It's a really fast, like staccato thing going on. That's how many times your muscles are contracting per second. And, and that's happening for five seconds, unless he wants to give you more. Cause he just pulls the trigger again and it takes off for another five. Yeah. It seems like he'd rather get stun gunned. Um, I'd rather not get electrocuted cause that doesn't feel good. It also makes it seem like a taser isn't a very good, like self-defense thing.

Like it seems like it'd be pepper sprays way better. Like she, like what, how close do you have to be to like convincingly know when you pull the trigger that it's actually going to hit with both barbs? There's no such thing. So you just don't know. You're just hoping when you pull the trigger. So it's, it's most effective at around 10 or 12 feet, I feel like. For me, it was.

That's close. Yeah. Especially if he has a knife and he's on a PCP. Oh, hang on. Let me visualize this. Maybe I should have said yards. I need to visualize this. 10 yards seems too far.

10 yards is too far. Yeah, it's close. Why does it work through clothes as well as it does? I'll just picture two things. A leather jacket or a puffy jacket like a skier might wear. It won't go through either of those.

Oh, I thought that it would and I couldn't explain why. Yeah, it won't. Google. It'll be easier if you just do it but just google what a taser barb looks like just type in taser barb it looks like um uh like they took a hypodermic syringe and married it with a fishing hook oh that's just gonna get lost in a puffy coat yeah um so yeah those get lost in your puffy coat those won't even pop the leather jacket um like not

they're not going through the leather jacket, through your shirt, into your arm and creating what it needs to do. So you see them fail so many times in the street. But when they hook up, you're fucked. You're completely incapacitated and you wish you had done what the man had told you to do. So it's the best option. It's the best non-lethal option that exists because it will actually like incapacitate somebody people can fight through pepper spray sometimes especially if he's got like a knife and he's just blindly stabbing or something crazy like that like the issue isn't always just

make him stop moving sometimes it's make him stop make him stop running sometimes it's make him stop moving or make him stop anything he might be doing right now but uh but if i were gonna have to like defend myself with something it would be bear spray i get one of those nice big bear spray things i wouldn't want it seems like a a gun is number one by far oh i can have i can't have a gun though i'm gonna have it of course of course like yeah give me a gun that kills things they're gonna it would seem they'll come out with something that lets you have guns again. Maybe. At some point.

I hope they do. I know how much joy and how much interest you have in guns, and I want you to be able to get back into them. Trump could pardon him. No, if he becomes president again, sure. Yeah, well, that's going to happen. That would be one. I literally think he's the,

I'm not, not high confidence, but if you asked me to choose right now, that would be my guess. If you make a choice right now, the next president of the United States is going to be Donald Trump. And here is why nobody else has announced. And nobody else seems to be really putting a lot of effort in.

Did Trump announce her president? No. That's the Florida governor, right? No, but what i mean is like no big thing nobody who's like got this big party backing or anything if trump runs it's going to be a money grab yeah that's what i said a couple weeks ago that like he'll do what last one was a money grab but somehow he fucking won so he's just like the leader of the free world two months ago yeah yeah first one um i don't think they're gonna run biden again no that guy's just like the leader of the free world two months ago yeah yeah first one um i don't think they're gonna run biden again no that guy's funny even the democrats kind of say that they're like look if you're a biden fan and i think biden's better than most people say he is but i'm

by myself on this island um but if you're a biden fan you still say okay look you things are going good he's getting the infrastructure built past he got the covid thing going he's been more or less a moral guy but 78 is too much is that what he would be 78 79 he's old as shit yeah it i'd rather have a younger guy and when you look at the younger people that are like the seemingly front runners the seeming front runners for the democrats you get buddha judge and harris and buddha judge it doesn't make sense to me but he cannot get a black guy to vote for him he's he's i was going to say that buddha judge will never be president like democrats rely so heavily on the black vote and yeah if you want to talk about like communities that are more homophobic than others like they're maybe they're not gonna simple as that but anyway he oh oh there's the homophobic

thing is a solid theory and then i guess he did something wrong when he was mayor having to do with black a policeman shooting a black guy or i don't know the details on it but apparently he fouled that up and uh um and those are two reasons why black people might not want to vote for him. And then you get Kamala Harris, who just no one likes. No, I don't. It is. She's very unlikable. She's she's everything she does comes off as canned and rehearsed. Being very unlikable is a problem in popularity contests.

So she's a little fucked right there. And then you have Trump, who, while he's not my cup of tea, you can't deny people love him, right? He has driven a love and, to me, it's a fucking cult. Trump will not be president again, and I'll tell you why. He's been banned, depersoned by every major big tech platform in the country. And the way you have to communicate with people nowadays, because of COVID and shit, every major big tech platform in the country and the way you have to communicate with people nowadays because of covid and shit is through big tech and so they basically control

all of public the public sphere of speech they're not going to unban him to run and so he'll have no twitter he'll have no facebook ads that encourage him won't be allowed on those platforms and so yeah there's zero percent chance trump gets elected like i i would be fucking shocked and i was shocked the first time but like like now that now the big tech the media like they're doing like a blackout on him like they're just not going to allow that to happen again you might be right um trump will and even today has a sizable social media presence because of all the people that tweet his content on his behalf yeah but that's not enough it's not the same they'll just flag they'll just flag reposts of

trump's content as misinformation and delete it all like that's all they have to do like just probably will be misinformation in fairness i'm not i'm not saying whether it is or not i'm just saying that big tech can look at anyone for any reason and say this is misinformation you're banned from everything you can't communicate with the outside world anymore sorry why don't you start your own twitter he's gonna win the well he seemingly can easily win the republican nominee right second best guy is desantis i think i have his name right out of Florida, the governor and who even is third. I don't know. I have no idea. I would vote for anyone who said they would pardon Kyle.

There you go. It could be fucking. Well, I guess Manson is dead. But if he ran and was like, my only thing is pardoning Kyle Myers of Georgia. Everyone vote for this guy. He he's like i got some wild plans we're gonna start five new wars in the middle east if that's the cost i don't know i saw that uh i know that when the states like legalize they usually expunge like a lot of the records uh and they vary how they do that i'm not superize, they usually expunge a lot of the records,

and they vary how they do that. I'm not super concerned with it. It's not a big concern, I guess. Have you guys followed the Rittenhouse? Not at all. Not at all. That's the bet we made, right? Didn't we make that bet last week?

I think I bet $5 that he'd get off. Yeah, he's definitely not going to get off. I think I even made it easier on you. Put a pin in that. We found some middle ground where it'd be a push yeah i think it was like if it's two months or less it's a push two months or more i win and two and whatever yeah that's fair so so in any case it looks like the defense is doing well the kyle rittenhouse is doing well and the stuff i see is unconvincing you guys have heard me say so many times the second tumor second two shootings barely count it's all about the first one the first one determines whether they were

trying to subdue an active shooter or this guy uh is defending if that was a a righteous pedophile trying to take him down yeah so um i saw this analysis saying that the defense was doing really well and i'm like i don't know what to make of this i'm reading this on like a biased site or whatever the prosecution has lowered the or is signaled that they're going to lower the charge so i have some things in front of me. Did you see the clip where the defense attorney goes like this and puts his hand in his head? I did. So the guy who survived, he got his bicep blown off. They're like, so you didn't have a gun.

He's like, well, I had a gun. I said, okay, but you approached him and you didn't have the gun out. He's like, yes. So you didn't have the gun out when you approached yes so you didn't have the gun out when you approached him well i did pull the gun out okay but he shot at you before you pointed the gun at him well i did pull the gun out and pointed at him and then i he shot like and the the defense attorney i'm obviously i'm fucking truncating all this but the defense attorney there's a picture of him talking about the prosecution their prosecution i'm so sorry going oh just like so like yeah this this whole thing is done now so i i saw that i saw it

as a still picture and i'm like i don't know what to make of a still picture right because you know silly things can happen um but here's where i did put a lot of faith. Let's see. Prosecutors say they plan to ask the judge to consider lesser versions of the charges. Lesser charges include reckless homicide rather than intentional homicide, second degree rather than first degree. And that sums up. They're giving up the prospect of life imprisonment and going for some smaller stuff. It doesn't say what that would be. I was like, wow, if the prosecution is going for lesser charges, then I have some undeniable

truth that it's going well for Kyle. You're going to get that five bucks, man. It's two months. He might go for more than two months. We'll see. I bet the guy gets... I don't know. I'm still suck at the fact that this guy went to defend. You can't murder people to head off some misdemeanors at the pass.

I have a good authority. That guy was about to commit a misdemeanor. So I went over there with my R15 to straighten him out. And then when he at me it was zell's defense that's not how the law works and that's not what happened i'm listening what's your yeah what what what the defense says happened is that he was pursued by this guy who tried to take his gun and then he fired after he tried to take the gun before he was pursued because that is all true he went to that guy he went to that guy to straighten him out to prevent him from doing anything rittenhouse didn't approve of rather than that guy saying whoa whoa gun he's like what you're gonna fucking shoot me and that

goes after him no i added a quote and and that's the uh that's the whole like rittenhouse was running from him yeah well before he ran from him. Yeah. Well, before he ran from him, he went over to him before he ran from him. He initiated contact with, so he initiated a conversation and then someone tried to take his gun. So what you're saying here is Kyle Rittenhouse is kind of a Batman type character. Yeah.

I mean, that's one way to do it. Punisher. Maybe I hear where you're coming from. Right. And, and to me it's, I mean,

I'm coming out of this kind of bias, but also I'm the only guy on this side. The question is, is it okay to take your gun and to say, hey, don't scratch your car, bro. If you do, you know, you'll have to deal with me. No, you shouldn't do that.

And he's a fucking retard for doing it. Like, you shouldn't... A hero is the word you're looking for. Well, I'm going to stick with retard for doing what he did. You ever watch a superhero movie and you can't understand how that moment happens where the public turns on Spider-Man and they're like,

Taylor's that guy. Taylor's that guy. They're like, we don't need you slinging your web that is the funniest part of spider-man where they're like get out of here you fucking web slinging asshole and it's like he just saved you from her like 30 minutes why are they so prejudiced against a spider man? Like no one knows what his race is, what his politics are.

It's because people fear spiders and they attribute that to him, I bet. If he was fucking Pelican Man, no one would care. They'd like him, but he'd eat all their fish. So yeah, I don't know. Like Rittenhouse engaged this guy, made sure that he wasn't going to damage any cars. like Rittenhouse engaged this guy made sure that he wasn't going to damage any cars when the guy said when the guy went after Rittenhouse

then you know there was a shooting but that's like make it some parallel situation where you're at a bar or something and like you come up to me with your gun start some shit and then I come after you you're not in defense it's kind of the start some shit thing that

like we need to know more about because like that that's really what it comes down to like were they talking and written house started fucking with him poking at him or something or did that guy come and immediately tried to grab the gun and like that overhead cia drone footage was so goddamn blurry that i have no idea what happened i saw a version of it with the people circled that helped me watch it like you know this is kyle this is this guy and you got to see them come and go but um uh there's footage of kyle rittenhouse like talking about shooting people for shoplifting uh from like months earlier like yeah there's a shoplifter here

like we should shoot those guys and it's like yeah well then that's trouble you've got a bit of a hard-on for like prevention misdemeanors see i i didn't know i didn't know that that's that's over a thousand that's a felony over 50 000 is a lot of used oh they're shoplifters they're stealing fucking nail polish kyle did you did you did uh have you seen those videos in california have you seen those like funny rioting videos in california because they decriminalized theft under a thousand in california and so people just walk people just walk into walmart and steal 980 dollars worth of stuff and leave i'm serious. People are just leaving and nobody can do anything. Oh, there's tax on that. You're fucked.

No, the people who are taxpayers in that state get to cover that, I'm sure. Well, you get what I'm saying. Now it's over. And some people are just like, stop. I've seen them steal clothing, like big double armfuls of clothing running to their cars. I saw one guy at a Lowe's

or a Home Depot steal a bunch of wire the other day like he got like a thousand dollars worth of wire like spools of it just copper wire something like that yeah i think i think it might have been fiber optic actually something like that like some sort of expensive cable or wiring now i'm no genius but decriminalizing theft under a thousand does not seem sustainable why i'm i'm i tried to like fact check you on this i know people love it when i do that it appears that you're pretty much right if they don't have a record already if it's less than 950 it can't be a felony that's that's the scoop so i guess it's a misdemeanor under a thousand unless you already are a felon. Shit. If they even prosecute it. Yeah.

I don't understand the thought process. That's insane. You can get a ton of great shit for $1,000. What would you steal? Oh, man. I would steal... Camping equipment over here. I could steal the entire pallet of Cheezez-its from costco and that would be like

theft under 300 i want a new warm weather sleeping bag i bought a cold one that's what i want that's what you see you see all this rioting and it's like it's always sunny with frank where you just see woody walking out with camping equipment he's very well off why is he doing this man i think things are tougher than he might let on at the woodworth home if he's stealing camping equipment in california we should all we should all take a vacation to california and each of us can all steal under a thousand to get or Woody and I can steal under a thousand. Yeah. And then we can blame it on the felon. Who are they going to believe? He told us

that he'd rape us if we didn't do it. He's the mastermind behind all of this. Don't trust him. He's tricky. Don't frame me up. Don't frame me up. Frame me up? Jesus Christ. What a hilarious end to the show. So we framed him! Ha! frame me up frame me up jesus what a hilarious end to the show frame him for just a minuscule amount of shitty goods

yeah i don't know about that one um it always strikes me as weird i know midi had um a shoplifter that he had to tangle with the other day. I think he wrestled. He got into a physical altercation with some guy. He sent me the video. He's a big man, right? He's a big dude. He's young and not naturally aggressive,

wired for fighting. Am I on target still? I think so, but I don't think his opponent was exactly Frazier, so it didn't matter. It was more of like a broke down thievery suspect that was getting rowdy. He sent me a video.

I've got to find it again. I want to see what he said. I would love to see the video of Middy. You want a minute? I'll change topics in the middle. Taylor, would you rather be 6'4 with a 5.5 inch dick or 5'9 with an 8 inch magnum dong? Oh, man. 6'4 is like such a cool height to be.

Yeah. That's huge. You're a big dude. I think a 5.5 inch dick is fine. I think that if guys could choose their own dick size, they'd all get it wrong. They'd all choose 8 inch magnum dongs and girls would be like bro this is a lot now we're having sex every two weeks while i recover i am i'm definitely more tempted by the six four

yeah um that's so tall the only challenge is how does five and a half inches look on a six, four horrible. It just, it looks, it looks embarrassing. It would be bad. But if, if she, if she has any lip, I'm six, four.

There's more where you came from. I'm six, four. I can get anyone I want. I can get anyone I can. So like just being six, four, that would be pretty tight.

Five, nine. That's not a short height by any stretch. But I don't want to be 3 inches shorter. In America. Yeah, I think that's probably right. But I like being 6'4". It's funny.

He whipped out a 5.5-inch dick as the micropenis and 5'9 as the mandlet. What is this guy working with that those are terrible numbers to him right like it it should have been five foot four with an eight inch stick or six foot six with a five inch stick four and a half four and a half at six six that's gonna look hilarious yeah four and a half is getting to be a little like um outside the bounds of normal yeah and then but also five four think about that that's well outside the bounds of normalcy for male height well it's outside but it's you see it every day i don't know if i see a five foot four well i don't because i hardly see other people but all right as the one of the three of us who leaves the house

i'll tell you you don't see if a five foot four man every day when you do i always think like i have so much i have so much empathy for that i'm like dude this guy's 60 he's five foot three imagine the bullshit he's put up with in his life like i definitely had a five four co-worker at cisco um there'd be five four guys at the end of high school seniors like that's a thing that happens but those guys those like end of high school seniors they all tend to shoot up like you were probably not near your full height at the end of senior year i had a little more in me but i don't know not near your full height at the end of senior year. Right. I had a little more in me, but I don't know.

Not near. Oh, okay. No, maybe, maybe you're right. I, I just like when I see a guy who is that short,

I always like empathize. Like that has got to be so fucking rough. Like you get judged. People bully you. No, like women aren't treating you seriously no one's giving by the way it's a can't stand up for yourself because then you just have short man's disease and by the way you literally can't stand if the guy's eight inches taller than you that would be

six foot um did i do that math right i did yeah yeah um if he's eight inches taller than you you would have to be something special to be able to beat that. Yeah. You'd be fucked. Like you'd probably be just, there's, there's one guy who's five foot four who made the NHL ever. And his name is Nathan Gerby.

And he played for the Carolina hurricanes. And you see a picture of that guy. And he is the most amount of muscle you can pack onto a six foot four frame when he's like standing taking a pic or five foot four frame like his his quads are like the size of a torso on a normal person and it's like okay this guy this guy can probably stand for himself but the average five foot four guy that's a very tough hand to be dealt in life i used to play with a nhl player and um can you say the name nhl no because i don't know it it's okay anyway um he was remarkably good at skating backwards it was outrageous i i don't think i accelerated backwards at least not from a stop

very often it seemed like a much more common case was for me to like chase a guy and spin like that that happened all the time or i'd already be going half speed backwards and just sort of wiggle up to full speed this guy could take off backwards like anyone else could forwards or better and the sound of his skates like that was different than everybody else deeper i remember i remember um i was like all right somebody's really good whatever but you know he puts on his skate just like the rest of us and i saw him like i don't know putting his doing something with this skate but i could see his quad and he like extended his leg it was like oh my gosh oh oh, he's not like us at all. This is a whole nother kind of like animal leg.

It was inhuman. Have you seen Sidney Crosby in jeans? It is hilarious. I think of him as skinny. His ass is bigger than any of the Kardashians. And it's called hockey ass. You get hockey ass if you play it too long because you're skating and that works your glutes a lot.

He is just unbelievably strong and everybody talks about trying to work out with Sidney Crosby and how difficult it is. I'm looking at pictures. Oh, here's one that shows it. Mostly he just has a really sweet ass. I'm looking at the ATM machine playing

golf. Juicy ass. There's a couple here where it's like, oh yeah. This is ridiculous. mostly he just has a really sweet ass i'm looking at the atm machine playing golf juicy ass but there's a couple here where it's like oh yeah yeah this is ridiculous he hats off to him i guess that's not even a big picture of it that we're saying now it's it's much much bigger than that sydney that's that's like a 2007 picture of sydney crosby. That's still a lot of ass on a man. I'm not a Penguins fan by any stretch. I don't want to see this. I thought you were going in a different direction. I thought you were going to go, I'm not a big ass man, but every time I see this picture.

Damn. I'm not a Penguins fan, which is the team he plays for. But there were funny stories about him where it'd be like 2010. It'd be like Sidney Crosby decides he's going to start training his shot in the off season next year. Top goal scorer just, just decides to work on it hard enough to become that level of a goal scorer. Can you imagine how cool that would be to be so good at any sport, whether it was hockey, football, basketball, whatever, that you could just paragliding, you could just, you could can you imagine how cool that would be to be so good at any sport whether it was hockey football basketball whatever that you could just paragliding you could just you could take a step back for the

off season one of the five people who can do an infinite tumble it sounds like what you did woody where you just you took a little time off and you went i'm gonna do this and then you did it you just did it you didn't let it stop you. Yeah, that dude's incredibly good at hockey, even though he plays for the Penguins and sucks. And all the good hockey, I feel like the really good basketball players, they all have personalities and they want to have an online presence and do interviews and stuff like that. So many good hockey players, they clearly just have no interest in it.

So they'll ask like Sidney C crosby or connor mcdave connor mcdavid is the best player since grad ski or since lemieux frankly but like his interviews he's it's like talking to a wet plastic bag like what do you think about this connor you know we just got to get out there and play our game you know we got to get out there and make sure we're making good passes good clean passes they're thinking ahead and avoiding trouble right like if i'm boring and i say nothing during this interview then the rest of my life moves more smoothly somehow the nba guys they enjoy mexica a little drama is a good time to them and like i heard kevin durant talking about it now and you know he said that the drama used to

like he's like the trouble is you say something and then they come back and say the most vile horrible things about me it would sink in now and then he's like but now like those people don't know me and i know they're just really striving to get any kind of interaction out of me at all that would make their day and he saw it through a more meta lens now that he's an older vet did uh is kevin durant the guy who like made fake social media profiles to respond to haters he did do that it seemed like he was trying to control the narrative right like you know dude this guy's got no muscle uh actually he looks pretty muscular to me or whatever it was. You look at Kevin Durant and it's like, no, sincerely, this gentleman has no muscle. They call him the Slim Reaper.

That's great because like you look at him and he's one of those athletes where you're like, how is he a prime tier athlete. He must just have such a basketball IQ about the flow of play and things that he anticipates the right movements and the right passes, the right time to shoot, because there are people like that in every sport where they're not that physically elite, but they just have a mind for it and they know exactly what to do. I'm sure there's some of that. He's seven foot. Interestingly, denies being seven foot. He always gets listed as like 6'11", because he doesn't want people to think of him as a seven foot interestingly denies being seven foot he always gets listed as like 6 11 because he doesn't want people to think of him as a seven footer but he also shoots the three and it is why not be want to be listed seven footer is that like a i guess no one else thinks it is but my interpretation is he thinks that being known as a seven footer

they'll try to use him in a different way. He shoots from the three, like out from far away. Whereas most people that are that tall made a living near the basket. And it is very hard to defend a seven footer jumping in the air way out by the three. And he made a living off it. Is he good at shooting threes? Very good. He's amongst the, I don't know if i get this right

but he's amongst the top five certainly top 10 at it isn't uh steph curry he's number one like that's the only thing i know about him yeah yeah he's him and uh there's another guy on his team too i'm losing his name right now but uh they're the two of them you know can almost trade once to clay thompson is lebron the goat in basketball because i i don't know anything about it but i'll see like debates online and it seems to be a much more real debate about jordan versus lebron than any hockey player versus gretzky because no one's gretzky but like i don't think someone could overtake why not because we don't know fuck all about that. That's never fucking started. Yeah, welcome to the show, Kyle.

I don't know anything about most things. I want to talk more about who the greatest racehorse of all time because Secretariat, by a nose. Come on. I don't care about horses. I can think of one horse in Secretariat. Chicago. You're looking at a list

right now, bitch. Salt Flute. Barnacles. That's a great horse, terrible guest. Oh, stop. I feel so bad. Our fans destroyed him. I don't care. I don't care either.

He's a nice guy, though. Is he? I don't know him. Is he the guy that said that he... How often do you hang out with Barnacles? When's the last time you and Barnacles sat on the couch together and had a beer? I don't know what he's like. It's never happened, but he used to write me on Skype every now and then. And, you know, he has a special needs kid, so we would talk about that sometimes. And he's just working his way through YouTube, you know?

He was a nice guy, and I liked him as a person. I just didn't like when he said that he hunted for his food. Which time? In the woods. Am I getting my wires crossed? No, I'm teasing you. He said it repeatedly during the show. If that guy hunted for his food, he is a tremendous hunter.

When I picture it, they say those small cats are the most effective hunters in the world, but no, it is Barnacles. More than 95% of his hunts. There's a herd of jelly beans over there. Luckily, he does

most of his hunting at McDonald's. There's a wild Reese's egg. I don't want to be part of this conversation. Quickly harvest the Reese's eggs. He had to reach real high to get on top shelf to forage.

He's the top shelf to forage. Dude, if I had to survive in the wild and like i could not maintain my macros i tried it i couldn't maintain anything i would fucking macros you're lucky if you can get anything if there's anything at all to eat you're you're lucky like you almost need to know life in the woods there is it's just life that's smarter than us that knows to quiet down. When a bunch of giant bipedal idiots start romping through their living quarters, they leave. That's a big part of it.

We were loud and smoky. At the camp we were, but you went off hunting. Didn't matter. I honestly don't have a good answer. Here's what I would like to make up and believe. Here's my theory, I will say. I think the week or two before we went, I did see a lot of animals.

I mean, I saw so, so, so many squirrels. There were many hunters that cleared them out just before we got there. I think maybe the season changed and the squirrels started hibernating right when we got there, maybe. But it was hot. That's a lie.

There's no way. It was so hot. It was so hot then i remember sweating my balls off i remember you guys got mad at me one time so here's what happened the cars were parked kind of farish away i'm gonna call it like a 30 or 40 minute walk and um we had batteries that needed charging for all the camera equipment so on like day three or something we hiked back to my truck, turned it on, sat in the AC really, and charged batteries for a long period of time. Like a couple hours. Yeah, but a couple implies two. I think it was more than that. It's close to four or something.

Goddamn. Okay. Yeah, I'm not sure, but that's how I remember it. And in my head, i was just doing a job an easy one hike and wait and then come back but that's you know that's how you charge batteries what else you want you know and i come back and discover everyone's very mad at me and i'm like what did i do wrong i was what it was was that like chiz and i were sitting there sweating so much in our hammocks and you just try not to move because like it's less hot if you don't move

at all in the shade like eventually like maybe you'll you'll gain a degree of coolness by just sitting still and we're sweating so much we're so hot and miserable and i every now and then we'll be like where's woody he's still charging batteries huh but and i don't remember how we knew that you've been sitting in the air conditioning but i think that just made us sad more than mad it was just like that was an option shit it must have been hot i remember the ac not keeping up all that well you know the truck's only idling yeah i remember when we were initially planning the trip um and um you know there was a lot of voices going back and forth lefty was there and um i'm sure we

had like hex or some other guest on and i remember like trying to pick that day and me saying like oh october's hot though in georgia like october's hot uh like during the day and even the evenings don't really get cold like nothing that a like cheap sleeping bag won't fix and then like somebody was like i don't know somebody talked over me or like maybe my point didn't get heard and i never brought it up again because like things just kept flowing over i was like oh yeah what kind of what kind of hammocks are we gonna get and i just never thought about it again and so we just planned for like october 15th or something like that. And I mean, it's,

it's November 11th right now. It just now started getting a little chilly here. Like, like during the days it's like sixties and at night you'd shiver if you didn't go outside with a coat, but you're not gonna freeze to death. Like we should have gone in November and it would have been so much more pleasant.

Probably would have. Yeah. Less, even less food to eat but zero minus zero we just need the muffin man and we can make it i i don't care what anybody wants to believe i i was driving along and that muffin man pulled alongside me and uh i swear to god he ran some kind of a store or something like that and he was like we come out here and we give these uh like like day old muffins and stuff to the hikers and the campers and stuff. And I was like, well, I am not going to turn down like a giant tin of muffins and like a dozen M&M cookies. Yeah, it was a good move. I think it kept us going.

I didn't believe you at first because it just sounded it's hard to believe. I think it kept us going. Um, I didn't believe you at first. Cause it just sounded, it's hard to believe, right? It's absurd. People don't just walk around the woods and give out pastries. We're out in the middle of nowhere. Uh, but then the cameraman,

I think his name is Pat or Patrick was like, yeah, I saw him too. He was there. I turned down the muffins. It was like, you bastard. Of course the cameraman ate.

Of course he turned down the food. That's right. He had food. So muffins weren't nearly as appealing to bastard. Of course, the cameraman ate. Of course, he turned down the food. That's right. He had food. So muffins weren't nearly as appealing to him. I don't remember what kind of muffins they were anymore, but I remember the M&M cookies. I remember them being really fucking good. The muffins might have been like chocolate chip.

There were many muffins too, I think. They were really fucking good. That counts as foraging. I've said it before. I'll say it again. That's foraging right there. I hunted and I gathered and I brought food home uh for the entire group yeah undeniably like better than a deer quite frankly if you ask me to choose i think how to pick the

m&m cookies i mean the deer would have been more impressive for the camera but like the cookies just kind of come out. They're morale builders. Would you do another survival trip? That's what I was about to say. Man, I don't know. I forget we had a sponsored deal. Did we make like 6K or something? I don't recall.

It was something, though. Yeah. What it was is they wanted to deal with FPS Russia. Right. And I didn't like how that deal went down because like i didn't know that kitty had turned them down multiple times so they did kind of a sneaky thing like going around her it's fine it's whatever but uh but yeah we had some kind of that detail until just now it's fine it's whatever um but because you know i wanted to back out of the

whole deal but it was like i'd have to give back like all that money and like you guys would have had to give back the money too, so I didn't want to do that. But anyway, yeah, we had a sponsor. We would need another sponsor because I don't enjoy it. It's not fun. And I think the whole point is that it's not fun. It's like when you say,

we'll do something not fun on Twitch if we raise this much money. People know what they're paying for. They're paying for your suffering. How about Carhartt? might be nice if you nail carhartt we'll go on a survival trip every fucking week are you kidding me you know what i'm gonna reach out to carhartt it's not me and two of my retarded i'll just move i'll become a cow you give me a carhartt sponsorship like what does that even pay like seems like that's like fifty thousand dollars uh just just forever it's's gotta be a lot.

The, the difficult part is going to be convincing Carhartt that we have something to offer. Oh yeah, we have nothing to offer. Don't do it, Carhartt. Don't do it. Um,

we're not your demo. Uh, but, but, but yeah, I would have to, I would, could be,

I'm sure we, we cover a lot of demographics, but no, I, I, I don't want to do one is the, is like the complete honest answer is like, I don't want to,

but that's the point is that, is that we don't want to. one is the complete honest answer. I don't want to, but that's the point, is that we don't want to. And so if you want to do a camping trip, I would probably do a camping trip. And I'm going to go, I would want to do the most city camping possible. Or if you want to do a survival trip, I would do a hardcore one, but I would want to get paid. Survival trip is suffering. Camping trip could be fun, though. Yeah. I mean, camping could be fun.

Camping could be a good time, some fire, some s'mores. I wonder if we could just do it as a live stream. Some hot dogs, that'd be a good time. I would like that. There's probably a way to live stream it. I'd like hot dogs, too. I wouldn't want a stream able to watch me eat the amount of hot dogs I do at a camp. Would be, I don't want to be embarrassed.

Those over the fire hot dogs. There's probably a grill nearby. Yeah, I could do like legit like campsite camping. Because I will wolf down like six hot dogs. I picture Taylor with some specialized little fork that holds six hot dogs at a time like a long oh it's like a giant but it's like it's like two trident yeah no you just you just find a stick with like seven little spokes off it and you stick them all on there oh i don't believe you don't have a collapsible hot dog skewer i don't have a collapsible hot dog yeah

like telescopic and you've got your eight your eight dogs on there ready i've had them for marshmallows i need that yeah they work really i definitely need um i don't like s'mores that much s'mores are really messy not my jam problem like if i'm gonna eat a s'more like they get in my beard it's all sticky oh that's a real problem yeah i wouldn't want to if i had that beard i wouldn't want to deal with you have to bring wet wipes i don't people not enough people bring wet wipes camping they'll clean the s'mores off your fingers they'll clean your butt like fresh they'll clean poison ivy off your legs wet wipes are huge yeah i agree i brought a lot of wet wipes last time although i don't think i shit in the woods last time i'm almost positive i didn't you just joined the beavers he's just in the woods last time i'm almost positive i didn't you just joined the beavers he's just what's it what's it like to shit

that shot what what is it what is it like to shit underwater have you ever shit underwater like if no like if you were to squat down in the stream and just fire sure like what you are you you're you're not all the way clean when you stand up right no you can be though like you kind of cup your hand and do like a jet wash thing okay i don't like it no more of it like as you work in the squish right like i just usually take my penis and get it back there there's that I feel like if you just wave you get a very weak action

you want to you know you just stretch your own penis back to your asshole and wipe with your dick nature's ass wipe it's your it's your dick head the little ridge it's meant to dig shit out of your ass same thing I do when I got an itch

I can't reach. There's a spot in the center of my back that I can't reach. You need help. Or your penis. That's how I pick my nose. It'll be ruined. You have a dick like a hypodermic needle.

Three feet long. It's three feet long. It's three feet long. It's two millimeters wide. My dick is huge, but also tiny. It can get right into your vein. I hate that. I just came right in your carotid. You didn't even know because my dick is five feet long and a micrometer wide.

So I haven't asked me anything. Question or ask me a November question. My roommate left his pocket pussy in the shower. My other roommate texted a photo in the group text. I said nothing, knowing it wasn't mine. Obviously wasn't my female roommates. It was gone by the afternoon as if nothing happened. Should I let this die here?

Yeah, of course. Just don't pursue that. Of course. But he knows whose it is. I read that he had two roommates, a girl and a boy. There must be four. And a rat. Because one guy shot the photo. He wouldn't have read it out himself.

There's the photographer, the author, the girl, and the criminal. Yes. So everyone knows what's up. My question is, are you fucking the female roommate? I don't think she's straight. And I don't think she's attractive because she's living with three dudes. She must be an absolute dog. Just a goon.

I used to live with three girls. I just had no game. I mean, that could be. I had so little game. I think Kyle's on the right track here. This girl invited me into her bed. She was super hot. She was like a five-time All-American swimmer. That's what makes her bed. She was super hot. She was like a five-time All-American

swimmer. That's what makes her hot. That is a very physically fit young lady. That is a physically fit young lady, Taylor. And she is of the exact body type that Woody Covets. And I'm staying in her apartment, her and two other

girls, and she invited me into her bed, and I accepted. And then invited me into her bed and i accepted and then i was too polite to make a move i pretty much spooned her all night didn't even kiss her oh she was she was the kind of game i bring to college boys she was she was wondering that whole time that was the freshman in college k, agree with me or not. Second half of my freshman year in college. In her mind that whole time, she was like, am I that ugly? Does he not want to hook up with me? Her signs were unclear.

She invited you to sleep with her? I know. Isn't it funny when you look back on those and you're like, God, if I could just give my current knowledge to that version of me, it would have been a blowout. It would have been a great amount of fun. Yeah. I would have played that smarter the second time around.

Yeah. She wasn't even looking. You could have hit her. You've never seen it coming? That is one way I could have gone. There's so many. Many ways it could have gone. Good bludgeoning. Yeah, that's a shame opportunities lost

I'm watching this video I don't know if you want to see this video of Middy tangling with a homeless man oh yeah there it is I think so he filmed this terribly so just buckle up that guy at the bottom he's the problem okay where's Middy Middy is the one

he's like what are you doing alright Middy's got him down now no that's Middy? Middy is the one... He's like, what are you doing? Alright, Middy's got him down now. Middy's the one who... No, that's Middy. Middy is in control. Yeah, Middy. Look at Middy. Film it better, you fucking retard.

It's terrible. Yeah, oh my god. You're not in the moment. Hold it up. And then he ushers him out of the store. Somehow, at fighting, Middy is a 2 out of 10. Yeah. And he's worse at filming

i i can't i can't explain how why that was so poorly filmed i i'm going to pretend pretend i'm going to pretend because i like midi so much there was something confidential on the top of that screen and he was really trying hard not to show you the top of that screen because that's like the store code and that's corporate would get him but corporate would be so upset if the store code leaked you know what i mean i but corporate would be so upset if the store code leaked you know what i mean i don't know or maybe it's like everybody's addresses i don't know but but like could have filmed that better midi uh congratulations for taking down another another criminal though midi also fighting crime out there every night but more importantly you could

have fucking filmed it better you could have filmed it better next time you fight somebody at work film it film it just a little bit better. I'm going to find out where Mitty works, go there, and make an absolute scene. And then when he comes out, I'll just fucking just be unsuppressible.

So Mitty's last job? We should both do it. Which one of us is the anti-masker? Oh, no, no. Neither of us. the anti-masker? No, no. We're both wearing full gas masks. That's the move. They don't know who we are.

If they tell us to take them off, it's like I'm just worried about COVID, man. They're like, take your mask off. No, you're infecting me. You're infecting me. It's like none of us are sick retard you're just stealing every wallet out of the you stole every watch out of the macy's department it's like prove it here's video of you stealing everyone i have a suspicion you only wore that hazmat suit to pack it with salami.

That would be a funny bit, too, is you wear like a Walter White style yellow suit and you go in and you start stealing things and they try and stop you and you go, sir, I am removing infected contraband. These are... E. coli! All these shoes in my size? Corrupted. I don't know if it works with shoes. Well, I mean, germs can land anywhere. It should be the meats.

That's your thing. I just ordered some meat from the grocery store. I know it's late, but I think I need it. I got a Wagyu sirloin. A really small one, like 8 ounces. What grocery store are you it's late but what kind uh i got a wagyu um like sirloin like a really small one like eight ounces what grocery store are you ordering that from uh kroger kroger's a pretty fucking solid grocery store so i bet they have good stuff i like it um i usually either use kroger or sprouts which is more of a hippie place but has really good produce and uh i've been to fucking kroger corporate a million times and they take their quality very seriously they see it as their like you know step up from all the competitors

around them and they do a good job yeah they do a really good job they get a good meat uh section and good produce which is what i care about the most at a grocery store because everything else just comes in a box or a can or a bottle and everybody's got that stuff but um uh if i really want good groceries though i go to the dekab farmers market i think uh if anybody's in atlanta go go fuck no it's the international market uh it's what it is and that's the coolest grocery store i've ever been in my life it is so badass they have everything you can imagine from everywhere on the planet i their produce section is as big as a gas station. No, it's bigger.

It's two gas stations. Most produce stations are as big as a gas station. I was so underwhelmed by that. It's the size of a room. They have tomatoes and lettuce. They've got tomatoes as big as the sky. Tomatoes the size of baseball. It's more than that.

It's bigger. It's huge. It's huge. All right. How many gas stations is it? It's at least. I'm talking about the pumps too, though. Like, it's huge.

How many gas stations is it? A thousand. Boom. Boom. Whoa. A thousand gas stations. This grocery store is even special. Here, Woody, we got this grocery store here.

They got all the vegetables. Tomatoes, zucchini. I'm looking it up. Pickles, the rest. This place sells Coca-Cola and Pepsi. Believe it or not, you can walk to one more aisle. They've got an amount of chips the size of a house there for you to choose from. The size of a gas station.

Just the most mild comparison of any fucking produce department. Oh, I tell you, this shit was 15 by 15 if it was a million square yards. And vegetables I've never even heard of. You ever heard of a turnip? Not me. Man, they got turnips. They got something called a jalapeno.

Don't even know what that is. Probably some Mexican shit. That's something called Brussels sprouts. What a world. How many vegetables do they have? Oh, you're not going to believe this. It's called a carrot. And they got fucking bags and bags of them all out there.

Mini carrots. Flush with carrots. They make little ones. Sometimes you can buy a bag make little ones. Sometimes you can buy a bag of shaved ones. Man, how do they grow the shaved carrots? Are they pre-shaved? Do they grow

shaved? Anyway, vegetables. What else do they have? What else does this magical grocery store have? They got everything. They got this shit called kombucha in the corner. Zach, could you

do a Google image search for the DeKalb international market so I don't look like such a fool? We're going to have to reduce the pixel size because it's going to be a million billion feet wide. What is it called? The DeCaptia? So DeKalb. I think it's... How do you spell DeKalb? D-E-C-A-L-B? Maybe a K. I don't even know. DeKalb. D-E-C-A-L-B? Maybe a K.

I don't even know. DeCab. D-E-K-A-L-B. No, that's the city in Illinois. Yeah, same thing in Georgia, though. K-A-L-B. And then international market. That'll get...

I gotta go blow my fucking nose. I got tears fucking falling. No, it... Look, all jokes aside, although that was fucking hilarious. They have... Is it called the World Market? Look... Okay, okay, look. The Cobb Farmer's Market? The Cobb World... This is it called the world market look okay okay look farmers market to come oh you someone found it okay

that is actually that's pretty legit i'm going full screen like so what i was gonna say was like i'm walking through their produce section. And I don't recognize 40% of it. 40% of it is not the things you're used to. It's all sorts of... What kind of wild shit are they selling at the DeKalb? I don't know. Lots of weird melons and long... How big are your fucking gas stations, Kyle? That is an enormous gas station.

I misspoke them. Hi, goddammit. Are those bananas? No, those have to be gourds. Are those bananas? They have all sorts of like gourd-like vegetables like that.

Show some more, Zach. Like, do you have any more images? Like, show the fucking meat. Show the meat section now. Show some more, Zach. you have to show how big my fruit stand is so people don't think i'm a retard online how far is that place from you guys 40 minutes 40 minutes so it's not your local place i guess

no it's where i go when i want to like cook for a girl or something or like like before i went to prison like like i made a few meals that were like super fancy um and so i went here pause that there is a broken child in a grocery cart and a father repulsed by it are you looking at what i'm looking i see i think maybe the kid just fell and he's he's like ah like what is That's not the reaction to fallen children. When Hope fell over like that, did you go, how embarrassing? That was kind of cringe. Dude, bitch, a little cringe.

That would be so shit. That would be so, a parent telling their child that acting out is cringe. That's the generation we're going to grow up with yeah but you're right that is what jumped out that that kid is flailing and this is uh an unremarkable size of a meat station it's good but not you're not these pictures are terrible all right so let me explain is that guy wearing a hoodie instead of a hairnet you You're seeing a fraction of it there. You're seeing a fraction of it. A fraction is not descriptive.

You're seeing a fifth of the meat. There's another whole gas station of meat behind that. They have all these exotic things, international things. Like, I don't know. Carrots and tomatoes. They had calf liver like i'd never seen calf liver or or brains at a at a grocery store they have calf brain for sell that you can buy and like um they have a lot they have um they have lobster tanks and crab tanks and uh

i think they do live shrimp too maybe or crawfish but they have like every fish i can imagine oh they got they got live crawdads you can get almost certainly they have like every fish I can imagine. Ooh, they got live crawdads you can get? Almost certainly. They have everything. Do most grocery stores have that? Crawdads? Live? Most of them don't have crawdads. Lobsters and stuff and live.

I grew up in Ocean City where that stuff was kind of normal. Maybe it's normal everywhere. I don't know. I see lobsters like in that tank sometimes when I go there being in the Midwest. If it's fucking in St. Louis, that must be around a lot of places. Sure.

Sure. My favorite grocery store, though, if you're in Atlanta and it's not too far away, definitely should check it out. I feel like you're becoming a bit of an Atlanta boy, actually, like you've grown to appreciate the benefits of population density.

There are certainly some downsides right you know the cost the crime the cost the traffic but there's some benefits grocery stores the size of gas stations uh takeout um shit i don't know there are some good things about being near dense population yeah um yeah i definitely like um like like uh all the delivery options that you get and i don't mean just like door dash but just like having like your amazon stuff gets there faster you're uh you can get your groceries delivered um any number of things are able to be delivered at that point so that's pretty nice yeah i like the city but i mean way less space though like you're probably used to a huge amount of space does he use the outdoors that much not really even if you're not using it that much you still

appreciate it like it's nice having that i mean i've got a back i mean i've got a backyard and um and i don't know i really don't have any reason to want to do anything outside like i mean if i want to like go ride atvs or something i just go to my dad's house right i've got all that stuff there fair enough yeah the fact your dad still lives there makes it a lot less difficult to move because like you still have all that stuff you like right where you want it yeah if i want to do it but i mean most of the time the drive it there's a lot there's a couple different ways and traffic varies but roughly two to three hours oh so it's a good haul it's not it's not like you just drop by yeah for no reason no it's um it's over two hours that's around no matter what yeah yeah i spend the night uh every time and uh like if traffic is like excruciatingly bad it can be

four hours like like if you if you were to pick like the absolute worst possible time to try an unlucky traffic accident yeah um then it's like four hours because they reroute you through so much nonsense because there aren't any do you see your dad ever leaving that area or is he like pretty ingrained in that community i don't i would say he's ingrained like like um maybe maybe not i don't know we've talked about that before uh i'm going to go see him in a couple of days. He just sold his chickens. So he is on his little six. He does like six vacations a year or something like that every time he gets off. So he's off right now.

Does he go anywhere on his vacations or he just takes time off? He just takes time off. Just away from the management nonsense of making sure that one out of 10 000 little things haven't broken in the night um because that's kind of all he does is just make sure that one of 10 000 things didn't break in the night your dad seems like one of those guys who's like similar to my grandparents and like they they have no desire to stop doing what their livelihood is like they enjoy it. They want to keep pursuing it. He doesn't seem to really have a retirement

thought in his mind from what you've said. I know he likes the idea of leaving something behind, but also he likes staying busy and he enjoys work. He's always just worked. He wouldn't want to just

sit around and do nothing. You should try it. It's not bad. He's always just worked. He wouldn't want to just sit around and do nothing. You should try it. It's not bad. It's not so bad. Hey, how much Yellowstone did you watch this week, Dad? Nothing, idiot. Because you're working. I bought him the Blu-rays.

They're on the way to his house right now. I've got to get him into this shit now. This is right up his alley as far as the show goes. I think he'll like it. I like how violent so many of the characters are. How old is he? My dad? 60s?

Late 60s. Born in 53. Oh damn. My grandparents were born in 44 and 45. Okay. Right there real close. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Right there. Real close. It's interesting.

So he's three. Man, I always think about like I was I was reading some article about some Japanese person that was 112 years old. And it's like, can you imagine being born in 1909 and seeing everything? Like you were an adult-ish when you watched the World War II shit go down. You saw Korea. You saw Vietnam. You saw everything. Well, obviously, from their perspective, it's very different because they're Japanese, not American. But like that amount of time passing like imagine thinking about 50 years ago and you were 60 yeah that

that's insane to me that's the wild thing that that person was 60 50 years ago yeah like like when woody was born that person was already almost retirement age yeah and like they so they clearly internalized all that shit they they didn't know they were gonna live to be that old so they're like oh in my elderly age you know i'm looking back on my life no five more decades right they were middle-aged at 60 it kind of remembers have you ever seen the movie An Interview with a Vampire it kind of reminds me of how Brad Pitt's character is reminiscing at the very end with Christian Slater

he's like and the centuries pass and this happened and that happened and man's electric lights brought light to all corners of the world even in the dark and he talks about cinema and being able to see the sun again, rise again for the first time in like centuries because of the movie theater. It was that was that's my favorite part of that movie is him just like talking about how time passed. And it's here I am.

It's one of the most like engaging parts of the movie because you put yourself in that position. You're like, yeah, that's what you would think about. It's a good movie. Kirsten Dunst fucking kills it in that movie.'s it called interview with a vampire yeah brad pitt um and um and uh tom cruise brad pitt tom cruise and antonio banderas kirsten dunst it's star christian slater ensemble cast but it mostly focuses on Brad Pitt. Yeah, I know of it. I feel like I haven't seen it though. It's

my second or third favorite vampire movie of all time. It's excellent. It's a little gay. It's meant to be. It's a vampire movie. It's going to be. Yeah, but it's these two men vampires, male vampires who live together for many, many years and eventually adopt a child together.

You live long enough, you're going to be gay eventually. And they're dressed like fops. You just get tired of women's shit? And then you'll become straight again after that. Just an eternal oscillation of sexuality. But they're dressed like fops for a quarter of the movie at least you know like remember and always it's always sunny yeah they're dressed like foppish dandies they have they're like like they have that like um that that old-timey british fancy

nonsense with the powdered faces and the and the ridiculous silly powered wigs and they're really ruffly uh like like like um like like clothing they look they look silly a lot but uh it's an interesting take on vampires and uh kirsten dunst kills it because she is a child but she's playing a child who has to be a vampire forever so she's like a 50 year old woman in a child's body and she makes you believe that she is it's good really good vampire movie speaking of brad pitt i re-watched moneyball a couple days ago that has got to be my all-time favorite sports movie beating out miracle on ice i know the miracle on ice is a great movie but money never seen it it's it miracle on ice is general genuinely it's

a very good movie but uh moneyball brad pitt and you know what? I shouldn't even give Brad Pitt the credit. Jonah Hill is the one who I love so much. Jonah Hill is one of my favorite actors. That dude can play anything to a T. He's just tremendous. He's fat as hell. He's skinny as hell. It doesn't matter how fat or skinny he is. He still plays the role

tremendously. Have you seen Draft Day? I don't think so. Is that what you want to hear? That's not the Keanu Reeves one, is it? No, it's a Kevin Costner movie. He plays a GM, and it's him on Draft Day, the NFL draft where they get the new players every year.

And if you like Moneyball, you'll likely like Draft Day. Is he doing a lot of wheeling and dealing, like trying to make a lot of like wheeling and dealing like like trying to make a lot of moves and he is yeah and he's evaluating players so like a player might be highly rated but he's trying to make his own decision on whether or not this player is going to turn out well or not yeah and uh um so you know you see them sort of interview and talk to people and try to make character evaluations and uh i'm trying not to spoil the movie, but I really, really liked, uh, draft day. Uh, I think remember the Titans is really high up there for me.

Uh, that brings freaking tears to me. I've watched that scene where, so there's a scene in, in there where they're, where they're expected quarterback gets hurt and they put in Sunshine, who's their backup quarterback, and he goes in there and makes a splash. And I'll just watch that six times in a row. The music starts playing. What does he call him? Sissy's never seen a football injury before?

And then he just goes in and takes out the other team's biggest guy. and then he just goes in and takes out the other team's biggest guy. It is my kind of victory, teary kind of gorgeous movie scene. Dude, remember the Titans? When that guy who plays is it

Obi in Sons of Anarchy? Is that his name? Yeah, that's him. That's the guy. I remember watching that movie right when it came out. I was like 10 and when he got in the car accident and then he was like crippled in the bed later like it hit me like he'll never walk ever again forever and ever like as a 10 year old like oh I just like I'm feeling emotions I didn't know until right now it is so sad I haven't rewatched it since I was probably 14 remember the Titans makes me very very sad

that guy goes on to become a very good wheelchair athlete of course he does I mean definitely like he's a better athlete than all he's been training his whole body and now he can focus everything into the upper. He's going to be great.

It's not cheating. I'm training twice the muscles that he's training. Oh, it'd be pretty easy if we could all just sit while we did our workouts every day. It seems like we should all be able to participate in wheelchair leagues. I mean, we'll be in a chair. You're goddamn right. Wait, I think we are. Because they're being disablist.

We can participate. Zach, look at this right now. Is there an Air Buds rule that says I can't go and dominate some cripples? Even more important, can I train a dog and then bring it to the meet? The funny thing is, there's no organized league of sports

that involve wheelchairs in which I could compete. That's the best way. Because they're going to be so much better in their wheelchairs than I ever will be. They train it all the time. Have you seen those guys? You might, you being huge, you might have the smallest arms there. Here's how I could win, though. I don't have to use the chair. think you do well if you stand up then

if they don't make you're cheating you can't bring legs into that kind of thing they're bringing a little cart yeah that one's got oxygen what is that nas just some guy just flying across the court that'd be a funny bit in a sitcom what is that nas performance enhancing drugs nas and zach said he could compete we could compete no i can't compete i don't want to while i do believe that i could beat um the the female olympic athletes in a few things like like maybe the hammer throw or something like that just seems like or fighting or fighting i not all of them though i guarantee there's a lot of female olympic not wrestling though you'd lose in wrestling because they know all the techniques

and the swirls and yeah if you wrestle against whatever the highest woman weight is. I haven't beaten a lot of women in my life. I'd like to talk to someone who had to know more about this. I'm here for you. I have all these theories about what it's like to beat up a woman. We think we

could do it. We know we could do it. We're almost positive that we could do it we know we can do it we could do it all right we're almost positive that we could do it i mean you've done i my wife is getting older i feel like if i squeezed her wrist too hard i could really injure her i have to be careful as she like ages because like i'm getting stronger yes boys rule i mean she's like pushing 50 now so are you you're the same age you feel like you could just crush her i it would turn into dust in my grip.

I have a responsibility to be gentle to this woman because I can break her. Yeah. And you're married to her. Yeah. And the law. And the law. He'll crush their arms too. They can't stop us. She's always had dainty wrists.

She just built that way. But you advance her to 50 or something, and they just get more. And you can see where this is headed. I see what 60-year-old her is going to look like. She's lifting now, isn't she? She is. She actually stopped when I did. And now that I'm back in the gym, she is too.

No, you... Just because I'm injured doesn't mean you are. Get down there, bitch. Get lifting. You. Get down there, bitch. Get lifting. I didn't have the heart to work that angle. Of course, it's also mean-spirited. I thought it, though.

I thought it, though. How about you get there and do some curls so I can't crush your wrists. I know I could beat up your wife, for example. My money's on you. I could take Woody's wife. I could beat up your wife, for example. My money's on you. Yeah, I can take Woody's wife. I can beat up half a dozen of Woody's wives.

But what I'm talking about is, I don't know what it'd be like to beat up a physically fit young woman. I feel like it's not fair. It's apples and oranges to compare beating up Jackie's, to compare beating up, say, I don't know, an Olympic gymnast. An Olympic gymnast.

She's pretty strong. Maybe not gymnasts because they are so tiny. I don't know, a bigger lady in the Olympics. A long jumper. Water rugby. What is that thing they do with that water polo? Javelin thrower or the ball

no no the shot put one of one of those shot put bitches she might give you now you're gone off the deep end and just pick the biggest woman in the olympics those are some big girls i just i just i just don't think i think i think i can take them i think i could beat up like almost every female olympian that's not in a combat sport. Right, yeah, the judo chicks and stuff might be an issue. What is, do you, okay, are there any Olympic? When's the last time the judo gold medalist, the women's judo gold medalist last year, this year,

got punched in the face, though? Never, that's not part of the sport. I picked judo because that's where Ronda Rousey came from. That's true. Well, Kyle, what's more interesting is what is the group of men's Olympic athletes that you think you could take? My number one would be shooting and archery. Well, wait. Do they have their guns?

No, they don't. They do not have guns, and they don't have their bows. It's just fighting that is a good one i need to pick one that's not the same yeah and i took shooting beat up is horse racing swimmers are you fucking crazy they're six foot nine they're yeah swimmers are very tall you don't want to go swimmers i think you might be onto something with horse racing is that olympic no i don't want to go swimmers. I think you might be onto something with horse racing. Is that Olympic? No, I don't know.

Horse dancing? Horse dancing. That's a guy's sport. They're calling him the bad boy of equestrian dancing. Jumped on the scene last year with his bad boy way of dancing.

The bad boy of equestrian dancing. He's got tattoos and a fucking pierced ear. Your horse dance is the gangster rap and you hit the other opponents when nobody's looking. You know what I think would be funny is if like you do horse dancing, which is clearly the widest, most

affluent thing ever, but you have them dance to whatever song has the most end drops and you like it's like all end drops yeah by the way i i know that song it's blank blank blank blank blank blank blank blank that's the one blank blank blank blank i think uh that's my new favorite sport, though. If there were a way that I could get into horse dancing, I would. If they were like, hey Kyle, you want to join the horse dancing league? We got a horse for you. I'd be like, yeah, let's go. Can I pick my own music? How does this work? Who else is in the choreography? It looks fun. When they're out there dancing with those horses and that horse is doing its thing, it's badass. It's awesome.

It is. Do you want to dance a horse? No. I'll tell you what I do. I want to ride a horse. I've been watching so much of this Yellowstone shit, it makes me really want to ride a horse. Not to work their jobs. I'm smart enough to...

I guarantee so many... Anytime there's a show like Yellowstone where there's a thing that the guys do. Like Sons of Anarchy that I compared it to, motorcycles. That was the thing. And motorcycle clubs and all that stuff. I'm sure a lot of people got into that shit because they watched Sons of Anarchy. I bet that somebody became some kind of a wannabe cowboy because they watched this show. I know going in, like, no, no, no.

You never want to be a cowboy. It's like the worst job ever. It pays $400 a week. Oh, yeah. It's rough manual labor, like 15 hours a day or something like that. It's fence repair mostly. My grandpa from southern Missouri has a photo of his grandpa with his cattle managing team. And he's like, yeah, they're all doing all right.

They manage cattle. They get hired by those big farms. And then those farms would have them transport the cattle across areas. And it was like, apparently they were successful at it. And you could not tell by the picture all their boots are old they look skinny like it's clearly just a huge amount of work for not a huge payoff as far as you know living expense and whatnot but they they were so like apparently he was just like a legend they thought he was so great he was like he's the one who's gonna like get us into houses

that have running water but it it wasn't until my grandpa's adulthood that he got running water. I figured out the Olympic sport that I can beat them up. Yes, which one? In Paris of 1900, there was an Olympic sport called poodle clipping and they would get in front of 6,000 spectators where 128 competitors clipped the fur off as many poodles as they could they would get in front of 6,000 spectators where 128 competitors clipped the fur off as many poodles as they could in two hours.

Those poor poodles. There were so many bloody poodles after that show was over. Yeah, first of all, that's sad for the poodles. Second of all, what makes you think you'd be better at shearing poodles than the poodle shearers?

No, no, no. I thought we were beating up Olympic athletes. Oh, you're just killing the guy shearing the poop. What we're talking about is beating a dog groomer senseless. That guy's way too distracted grooming dogs to see your fucking flying kick.

When you pick the shooting people, you were talking about beating up an Olympic athlete, right? I know. I'm trying to undercut everyone else. Why do I? You can't beat the shooters at shooting. I didn trying to undercut everyone else. You can't beat the shooters at shooting. I didn't do that to you. That's true. That's a good one. Kyle, do you have any? I think that anybody... The smallest guys seem to be the guys that are in gymnastics. They're like 5'5". You don't want to tangle that little fella.

You don't want to tangle him. fella. You don't want to tangle him. He's like a fucking chimpanzee. If that guy who's doing the rings gets his clutches around your quads, he'll just decide to destroy both of them. He could just squeeze your quads to death. I feel like he could choke me to death so effectively. Like, what would this choke? Like the Homer Simpson. I feel like he could Homer Simpson.

Why do you never see the Homer Simpson in MMA? Because it's easy to get out of. It seems like a bad approach. Like if both your hands are occupied here, he'll just move his head or kick you or something. Yeah. You can't really, um,

maintain position when you're doing that joke. If you're on top, I really feel like any amount of squirming or even just bucking my hips gets you to have to you know take a hand off no if you're if you're on top of someone like that like you're like both their both their arms are fully free so they're just going to be breaking your ribs right they can't like just throwing punches as hard as they can they got like 60. I feel like I could bend your elbows. There's like a million things I could do

to get you to not finish that choke. Fair. You could use a knife. Okay. You could just not be there that day because you knew it was going to happen. Well, you know that someone in the early Olympics in Greece brought a knife and he's

talking about the ufc though they do search them before the fights which is my favorite part is that what they're doing when they check their ears yeah pat them down check their ears yeah yeah i thought they were doing like open your mouth let me see you got any blades in there let me look down your shorts a little let Let me look down your fingernails looking. I remember when the guy was, they were like, yo, your fingernails are ridiculous. And he was like, start biting. Yeah, I do remember. I remember a guy had clippers or they like quickly sourced clippers. I've seen that.

I saw a guy bite them. And Rogan was like, come on, they're going to be all jagged now. That's crazy. He didn't have his mouth guard in, I guess. For eye pokes, I suppose. This is like Outside the cage They're patting him down They're checking the nails

They're too long What's wrong with you Eyes get sliced all the time They should They need to do something They need to put those little rubber finger condoms On them or something Finger condoms might be the solution for the ufc i'm gonna you know that's

from outside the box thinking somebody tweet it dana white let him know i told him finger condoms solve his problem got a lot more ideas if he's interested small outfits for the girls is that a wrap? that's probably a show right there be sure to check out all of our sponsors including the world's most effective cum supplement lock and load we are thrilled

we've got to get it on the shelves of Kyle's grocery store PKA I'm just going to sneak it on the shelves just give it away word of mouth you told Filthy that if he was interested you could give store. I'm just going to sneak it on the shelves. Just give it away. Word of mouth. You told Filthy that if he was interested, you could give the link where you could buy it. I was fucking mad.

Dude, that made me laugh so hard. I love that. I was like, all right, timing's going to be important with this joke. Yeah, if he wants to come or anything, you'd like to try a bottle out, just let this joke. Yeah, if you want some or anything, you'd like to try a bottle out, just let me know. I'll send you the link. You don't have to

for a friend of the show to be Googling. That was sick. Alright, PK569.