Painkiller Already - PKA 570 w Dick Masterson - Dick Attacked IRL, Cheating in School, Dead YouTuber Uploads

Episode Date: November 20, 2021

BKN 378 our guest Dick Masterson sorry Taylor this episode of BKA brought to you by ExpressVPN and Lucy batting a thousand off the start it's okay though because Woody's actively dying we need to be thanking him for even showing up today he wasn't able

to make our one hour bonus show Kyle and I did it ourselves yesterday because initially we usually do it on Tuesdays and Woody was like on Tuesday he's like I'm not not gonna lie to you guys i might need to go to the hospital how about are you having a covid induced uh vaccine heart attack woody he's got a real disease okay he's got strep throat oh which is a brute that's what it is right? Yeah So after the last show The very next day I started getting strep throat

But I didn't know it was that And you know it's a little sore throat It starts slow enough it hurts so much And on Saturday we had rented this beach house In Avon, North Carolina Which is in the middle of nowhere I didn't really know that the beach could be the boonies What's the address?

This island is not wide. Kyle, you might be able to throw a baseball field from the ocean to the sound. A baseball from the ocean to the sound. With those guns, I hope you can throw a coffin across the island. I can't wait to get into

that, you sneaky fuck. I can't wait to get into that. You sneaky fuck. I can do 250. All right. So I felt better for like, I don't know, an hour or two. And I'm like, fuck it. I'm on the other side of this. Let's go to this place. And I go on Saturday.

By Saturday night, I'm like on death's door. And there's no medical care around here. The nearest hospital's over an hour away. And Sunday I just suffer through the whole thing by Monday morning. I don't know what I'm going to like. That's how long I waited to see a doctor. So I let the strep get really bad. And, uh, they gave me two tests, strep and COVID. I thought it might've been COVID cause it can present like this, but, um, uh, it was just strep. They gave me two tests, strep and COVID. I thought it might have been COVID because it can present like this. But it was just strep. They gave me a shot in the butt like Kyle got. They didn't give me.

That was good. So they didn't give me the pill. Because of rape. Because of rape, yes. So to keep it moving along, I didn't get the pills until yesterday. And there would actually help with the pain. That would have been nice to get on Monday. You got pain pills? No, but I guess

the throat itself didn't do any healing and the doctor's like, you should feel better in about two days. But this time, I mean it. I'm like, alright, you're funny. Did they give you that thing where they stick the swab so far down your throat? You, like, get...

I swab you. I hate the strep test. Yeah, for the strep test, that one didn't bother me as much as you... seemed to bother you. The COVID test, though, that was a whopper. Like, they rub your brain through your nose. That's why I told them no COVID test

last time I was there with strep. And I love my doctor. He was like, let me see your throat. And I opened it, and I was like, I've got strep throat. He's like, well, let me see. Yep, that's strep. All right, so you want the shot and the pills or just a lot of pills? Ten shots.

I'm like, how much is the shot? He's like, ah, $20. I'm like, give me two. He wanted to go. I didn't know that the jam brain test was still the complete standard when I when I went on my honeymoon I had to get tested and like all they did

was stick a tiny little thin thing like barely up my nose like tickling like I might sneeze and they're like and that's it that's all like I haven't had to do the brain swab I've had that one too but the one I got on Monday was Monday was a Q-tip like this long. Oh, wow. Woody, you don't look good.

Usually Taylor's the one that looks the worst on this show, but this time I think you guys are tied for who looks the worst. Taylor. Woody deep in the throes of strap is tied with me it's like this is how you're gonna sound in 10 years when you guys are still doing this show this is like a i pray in the future you sound all like weak and sick i i i looked ahead to see who the guest was, and it was Dick. We've got maybe three guests who are as good or better at this than the hosts are, and you're one of them.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I'm glad it's you, bro. Look how long the fucking swab is. This is the COVID swab. The insides of my index fingers are touching the ends of the swab because the lighting makes it possible. Well, if they can do it with that little one that goes right here, why not just make that the standard? Is it more expensive? Can I just blow the shit out of my nose?

I can go pretty good. I know how to shoot shit out of my nasal passages. I've been doing it for a long time. I play baseball. Look, here's a picture of me as a kid in baseball shorts. I can do it. You're right. That makes sense. Maybe five minutes before the show started, my nose starts bleeding.

I don't know why. My nose isn't congested. I haven't been blowing it or rough on my nasals. It's just like, all right, Woody. Five minutes before showtime, your nose bleeds. And action. Oh, no. That sucked.

They scrapped something up there. Something important. They're not supposed to stick stuff that far in they are there's no way they should be if if you could just blow your nose or do that little great one i took it just makes you a little tickle just just pivot to that make those the standard taylor i think that if they could if you could just blow your nose then they would have you blow your nose and they wouldn't be... They don't enjoy swabbing your brain. They're not like half-chub sticking that thing up your nose.

Well, the nurse itself, no. She's like, I'm so fucking wet. Isn't everything pricey? Don't they say she has saline in the hospitals, like a million dollars? You look at the patient next to you getting examined, and the doctor is actively masturbating, and she has two of them, one in each nostril. And everybody's chanting DP, DP.

It's not that. It's in their nipples, man. They're like, oh, yeah, get it deep in there. Ah, sorry, we dropped that one. Didn't get a read on that one. Didn't get a read on that one. Swab is nuts. Yeah, get it in there.

We're going downtown on you, Taylor. All the cotton came off. He's going in raw. Did you hear about the anal ones? Yes, that's what he said. Is it an anal COVID test? Taylor, that's a hoax. They tricked you.

I thought they were like sticking stuff up people's asses in China. I'm told they were. I'm told they were. Yeah, I thought there was like a, I saw something from like a real source that was like, there's an anal test. Wait, are they? they were yeah i thought there was like a i saw something from like a real source that was like and i was like who in their right mind if that we were if they were offered like well we can do the nose or you can bend through the table here's what i here's what i heard and i don't mean on like some jokey side that i heard that like our diplomats or some like u.s delegation went to

china and before they would let them through, they had to pass a COVID test. And they're like, OK, cool. And the Chinese were like, bend over. WebMZ, China using anal swabs for COVID testing. Yeah. Dude, what an immediate way to dominate the foreign diplomats coming into your country. Bend over, you fucking bitch. Like, let me swab your ass, Mr ass mr president so you guys want to talk

about tariffs now or do you want to wait till you're done with your swab because we got all day they need another covid test this one uh inconclusive this guy's like a baby's arm it like, why does it have to be so thick? Pick a sample. Yeah, but why is it ribbed? This one's called the reparations. It's two feet of cotton for you, for your ass.

Just a ribbed bad dragon test in China. You're going to get texted by the Mondo Rex. Are you guys doing ads for them? The plush anal swabs? They haven't gotten back to us. I did get a contact though because one of our $50 patrons is such a degenerate that they know someone who works at the company. Actually, I think

they know someone very high up at the company, so I do have their contact information i should probably hit them up um because that would be cool so that we could sell like dog cock and horse cock and and wizard dicks and like fucking fucking fucking seahorse cummy pillows and all sorts of nonsense on here we need that kind of stuff um because you guys i'm proud to say bought all of the lock and load that existed on the planet. But you bought when Derek told us how much lock and load he originally produced. We were so upset. We didn't say anything to Derek, but it was like, we're never going to sell that much lock and load.

Well, we sold all that lock and load in two weeks. So it's all gone. So for right now, you will not be able to get lock and load, but it is coming soon. Coming down the pike. It's in production. Because Derek planned way ahead. A huge figure load is going to be produced. A massive load of lock and load is on the way.

20,000 bottles on the way, my friends. Yes. Is it going to be in time for Valentine's Day? I thought Kyle was in chance of not using numbers. So here's what happened. He did a load of a couple hundred. And I was like like all right fine fine he's like but don't worry we'll never run out because right behind that is a load of 10 000

bottles and i'm like derek is not a very smart businessman that is way too much locker load these are pills that make you come more why would you make 10 000 bottles i need all 10 000 he knew bottles of it. He knew more than we did. So then you guys bought 10,000 bottles worth. So now he's making 20,000. 20,000 more bottles. Keep in mind, our code works for all the products on Derek's website. Great products.

I love the pre-workout. Lock and load, for the time being, isn't there. We will let you know as soon as it's coming. We'll get a heads up when it's on the way. So you can be poised at your keyboards and ready to go. But it's real cool. We're all happy to have been part of this whole process.

And it's pretty neat. My family couldn't be prouder. Your wives may hate it but no the audience loves it proud to be in the cheese biz like we am like we are and i was thinking to myself like with the massive amount of ejaculate that i make and the sweet taste produced by all the kiwi and cantaloupe i eat it's almost a disservice at this point not to go to a starving african village and feed them i mean that's certainly an angle you can take do you have a version that makes it taste worse that's what i want that's my diet yeah

nothing nothing cured meats two cigars at every night before that's it since you since you brought that up um i talked to derek about this months ago um i do have a formula for a cum flavor enhancing pill i'm not gonna go all the way down the same road again unless there is demand for the cum flavor enhancing pill let's not don't ask come on i i already have the formula. I worked on it for about... While we were doing Lock and Load, I did this as well. And I tested it. He said it tasted great.

I just shipped it to him. Yeah. I took it like a shot. He keeps asking for more. I do. It's so sweet. It's so sickly sweet. He dries it out and uses it like confectioner's sugar on desserts just

i dry it out make sure it's flakes smoke it in the glass pipe yeah oh god you're getting high as fuck is this how you got so muscular kyle you're just full of cum like ripped with big cum bags on you yeah most people do synthol he does cum yeah you just want to be absolutely yeah i'm like 87 percent cum something like that i'm told um 12 water i don't know what that other percentage is but it's mostly calm i think dick was the the guest because you mentioned before the show you wanted to talk about this a bit dick i think dick was on the show before kyle you had revealed stuff and you'd been sending us pictures and everything of how yoked you were and i think dick said like i'm the fittest person or like like he said something like kyle you may be the fattest or something

kyle's like i'm the fittest person on this show and me and woody didn't say anything because we knew it was a million percent correct and i remember like comments and people being like that fat fuck kyle trying to pull the wool over our eyes and then just a few months later you saw the big reveal i couldn't believe that when you posted that, when somebody posted that Tinder pic of all things, of you looking ripped out of your goddamn mind with even a, I've never bought a tank top that I wanted to look good in. Like they're just wife beaters. And I'm like, this guy's buying tank tops because he knows he looks so good. I thought, I thought, oh shit. Yet again, I've run my mouth a lot and walked right into a

bench pressing competition i can't possibly win yeah i think maybe we said that or something like that i i was like i was like no trust me trust me because you like flexed or something and yeah you're like i got the biggest arms here i was like i don't know about that no i don't i'll show you have to show if you want, but let's move along. But no, I'm about to start on a whole new program. I actually messaged Derek today. I'm going to get right back into the thick of things. So you're just going to get gross looking.

Going to get gross looking, yeah. Carrot top built. Yeah. Like carrot top ribbed. Oh, much bigger than a carrot top. So what are you going for? Size, strength? I think I'll bulk for five months and cut for three again. I think that worked really well last time.

So bulk for five, cut for three. And then cruise and bulk for five, cut for three. That seems to be a real fun lifestyle. I don't know. The last month and a half, two months or something like that. I haven't been doing much. Especially since doing my whole trip in colorado and everything so got a really nice base to build on and i'm still fairly lean and i know what i'm

doing this time so i think uh and and this time like well without going too much into it i think i'm just gonna go a lot harder this time um and uh you went hard in the paint last time like you you would like what do you remember this so you can verify he would send us messages like in pictures of his meal straight up depressed at like at what he's like this is my fifth bowl of 97.3 ground turkey or ground beef for the day and it was just a colorless mush of muscle fuel. Yeah, it was. I liked how he would cut water before weigh-ins on like Monday or whatever. Because if he didn't weigh a certain amount, if he didn't get low enough, then Derek would increase his cardio. And he just didn't want to deal with that.

Is Derek a real person? Or is it like a Tyler Durden thing that you have going on? Those pictures you saw, those are of derrick um no derrick um so zach will you show him what derrick looks like real quick just so we can get that out of the way let me get my hand on my penis before you because like describing sometimes describing something you just can't do it justice you're like how what's the grand canyon look like ah man you really got to go so what what did der Grand Canyon look like? Man, you really got to go. What did Derek's arms look like? I mean, you've got a phone, right?

Let's just get to the bottom of this. But yeah, Derek runs a channel called More Plates, More Dates on YouTube. Oh my God. Yeah. He works out. Look at those delts.

There's a right angle between his trap and his delt. Even his frowny lines on his eyes are ripped that's a man with muscular teeth all right what do you bench i need to know oh what does he bench or what do i what do you bench uh the i don't really max out because I work out alone, and my stuff doesn't have safety stops. But the most I've done is like... I've been waiting months for this to know how much you lift. I've done like 305 or something like that for like eight reps or something.

Okay. I don't know what that equates to or if those calculators even work. Yeah, I don't know if those calculators even work yeah those calculators work but that's a tremendous amount but even that wasn't really the failure that was like me working out with that amount of weight and like i felt like i i mean could i gotten nine probably do i want to risk pushing 305 fucking pounds for a night time and then break my like drop it on my trachea in the middle of the gym at four in the morning now That'd be so embarrassing if a guy was jacked as you died in the gym. I don't know.

I got to add it up. I think 235, but I do three sets of 10. And that's it. That's all I've ever done. I do this training regimen where it's five months of working out, and then it's three months of being injured. And then recovering. It's really months of working out, and then it's three months of being injured. And then recovering. It's really incredible.

Yeah. That's the nice thing about the TRT, if you ever consider doing that. I never had an injury. I had a few things that popped and hurt along the way, but they would heal so fast that it was like it didn't matter. Because I do push-pull legs, then if I hurt myself on push day, it's a long time before i have to do that exercise you know again it's three or four days and um with the trt you are healing faster and recovering a lot faster so like this thing popped in my shoulder one day and i was really worried about it doing um like um rear delt uh machine like a it's in a peck deck but it's the the rear delt thing

and something about that angle made something pop in my shoulder and it wasn't like a joint it was like a tendon or it felt nasty but uh it healed up fast would the trt help me with the last time i got injured was i was at my family's house for thanksgiving and i took my nephew's i took my nephew's bicycle and drove it off a bike ramp and crashed uh on my face so would that help with facial injuries yeah yeah would it help with that sort of injury yes it will yeah you'll literally heal faster yeah it's i don't know what are you shaking his head with authority google it is there any downside like do your nuts shrink or anything you're not shrinking you're not you're no longer you're no longer a fertile yeah uh trt helps your muscles

heal faster it doesn't heal your ligaments it doesn't heal your skin your teeth don't grow back your hair does not grow faster grow back this is wolverine i'm going through what it does is it makes your muscles recover better and not just faster but like better. The same exercise, you get more from it. Ligaments and bullshit? As a matter of fact, your muscles grow so fast, ligament injuries are more common. That's true. What's the testicle situation?

How much have they shrunk? Yeah, let's see them. But some steroids... Pull your fucking balls out. I was going to say, some steroids are made to help heal more quickly. Like, Anovar is for burn victims. It makes you heal more quickly from burns.

It helps them get jacked. And it'll help get jacked. So you can deal with the extreme amount of tanning that you're going to need to be doing while you're getting ripped. He's Mexican. No, my balls are definitely a little bit smaller. But, like, nobody's noticed. Nobody's noticed. Well, my balls are definitely a little bit smaller, but like nobody's noticed. Nobody's noticed. Nobody's said anything.

Nobody's said anything. Look, I'll tell you right now. What's that about? If I could remove them. It's a couple of marbles in a Crown Royal bag. I've thought about removing the balls because here, I'm going to ask Derek about this. Do I need those balls anymore or is that just wasted? Is that just a weakness that I'm allowing

myself? That's just a, that's a couple more ounces you could cut. That's what's weight cutting right there. Oh, hang on though. They're, they're holding water that I'm able to hold, deplete, hold and deplete. Maybe that's an advantage. I don't know yet. I'm looking at that later, but do I, my question for Derek is going to be, do I still need testicles? Because I'm going to be on the juice for life right trt forever it's testosterone replacement therapy that's what i'm doing so i take my dose every day i'm always going to take that dose every day it costs less than fucking air conditioning it's i don't know anything like name a thing that you need every day and it's incredibly cheap it's oxygen oxygen

it costs less than oxygen well that's not true that's free right air i would air i shut down all the time just open a window turn a fan on the air is too expensive, that's not true. That's free, right? Air I shut down all the time. I'm like, honey, just open a window, turn a fan on. The air is too expensive. So that's not a good. It was as big as a gas station. You don't understand. Get into that again. No, but it's very cheap and I'm going to be on it forever.

So like, do I need those balls? Like, would your dick look? Here's my question. Would your forever. So do I need those balls? If they've been shrunk down and they're not... Here's my question. Would your dick look aesthetically better without the balls? No, I think it's one hand. Iron sharpens iron. It helps to have that whole situation together down there, not missing. What about this?

I enjoy a little testicular attention, and I would miss it if I couldn't do that anymore. Now, is the testicular attention, is the part that feels good the skin like your scrotum or is it the actual testicle inside feeling something because i suppose it would be the skin i think it's most like one ball and try both it's like the weird feeling like when a chick's handling your nuts correctly it feels like an elevator when it drops and it's like oh wow that feels like uncomfortable but i kind of like it do it again they're like a nut nut romancer down there nut you know necromancer i think that's a great one i love i think what he's right i think you want to start with one testicle so like remove one and replace it with one of those nudicles but get one of those huge

ones like get the ones for great danes now you're not losing any weight. Well, no, I'm adding weight. Now I'm bulking. This is bulking. Did you not hear me? Five months of bulking, and none of it is replacing my testicles with lead Doberman-sized testicles. Wow, lead.

Lead? Like a tungsten cube, like the Bitcoin people have. Two tungsten cubes, please. Just slowly tearing through your sack. My sack is going to be this pendulum at my knees. When I do it, it's going to hit the floor. Have you ever seen those taffy makers halfway through making the product?

It's going to be like that. All right, we'll keep the balls then. But no, I mean, you're a man of a certain age, Dick, as we all are. Yeah, I figure I could get a 350 in there. I don't know. If I had a little more liquor in me, I would challenge you to a benching contest at 350, but I think I could get that naturally, and then I'm done.

My back's going to blow open like a butterfly after that. Yeah. You're going to get the 350 natural? Yeah, natural, totally natural. Except for all the cocaine. Yeah. The ultimate. I take performance de-hancing drugs constantly. One of the silly goals that I mentioned one time,

I'm not even sure I'm serious about it, that I talked to Derek about, though. I was like, what if I wanted to one day be able to lift 500 pounds? I'm going to bench press. And he's like,'s like oh yeah we can do that it's kind of dangerous though and i was it's gonna it's gonna cost you the last 20 years of your life no he made it sound like it was gonna cost like the next two and a half years of working hard and it's like do i care enough though no no you've said many times who gives a shit about the amount of weight just grow the muscles look good

that's the point yeah yeah at some point it becomes for men doesn't it like women just like something to me to grab on to but then at some point it's like i'm working out so other guys will compliment me now yeah well i want the men to be afraid um okay you know so so so that's a nice look um you know you want those men to know that anything you want to happen is gonna happen um it is it is silly um being that fit and like walking into a gas station with a tank top or something like that like um it's like oh look people are looking at me are they thinking look at that fucking freak or are they thinking like ah he works out only time will tell they're looking at the injection points and going that is the jacked most jacked heroin addict i've ever seen in my life look at this 15 fucking needle points

on him do guys tell you to smile more now that you're all real no one has ever told me to smile oh they should but and like i understand how like women would fucking if somebody came if you were like imagine you're sitting on like a park bench and you're thinking about the shit you've got to do today your your job your day your wife back home the fucking boss tomorrow kids orthodontist nonsense fucking bullshit of life bullshit of life and some cunt walks by and goes smile you'd look a lot prettier. You're going to fucking curb stomp her. You're going to fucking curb stomp her.

So anytime I see some dude say that to a girl, I'm just like, she's got shit to do. What'd you just say? No, no. What'd you just say? I'm going to white knight. I'm not your white knight. I'm not your white knight. I don't give a shit. But I'm just thinking, yeah, nobody's fucking walking around smiling, douchebag.

We got shit to do. Nobody's so happy they're walking around smiling. If they are, it's a very rare occurrence. I'm sure we've all had a day where we just walked around and smiled, but we remember that one day, and that hasn't happened lately. I thought that smile line was more of a boomer thing that was a Mad Men joke. I've never heard someone unironically be like, you should smile more, toots. I say it all the time.

Hey, why don't you smile more? Give me a smile. Let's see that smile. Looking good, beautiful. Love the ass. Let's see you smile. Whoa, horse teeth. Oh, you could.

What are you, floss with a bike chain? After she smiles. Never mind. Never mind. Never mind. What did Silvio say in Sopranos? He's like, ah, the ass on that girl, but those chompers. I got to say, Dick, when you said you were challenging Kyle to a bench off,

I thought your bench would be higher than 235. Well, no, that's my regular workout. I'm in this too. I'm playing the long game at this point. Oh, we're going to do this contest in like two years or something? No, I'll start. I have no idea what my max is anymore.

I haven't gone for weight gain since I was in my early 30s going for like one rep max as an adult is the dumbest shit you could possibly do you're just going to hurt yourself I can't possibly do it if you ever wanted to mess around or something

it would be fun but I'm going to tell you right now I'm not going to train for a one rep max we were talking about this a week or two ago how afraid I am because I do lift the more I do this the heavier I have to lift to train for a one rep max. Cause like we were talking about this a week or two ago, like, like how afraid I am because I do lift as I, the more I do this, the heavier I have to lift to like hit hypertrophy. It's that, or do a two and a half hour workout doing 20 rep, you know, sets or something like that. And I'm not doing that. Um, but it's like calories though, right? Like with the cut going so high volume. So I shouldn't even, I'm talking a little bit out of my ass here, but like I've seen a lot of research

that suggests that you should really keep, make your workout more about the hypertrophy. The workout that is about hypertrophy should be about hypertrophy. The workout that is about cardio should be about that. They're both better. Both will work better separate

for different biological reasons. I've seen studies about that, about just not combining the cardio with the lifting. I think they did a study group where one group just lifted weights, and one group went for a bike ride and then lifted weights, and the group that did that didn't gain as much lean mass or something. You're burning calories you need. What about watching star trek next generation good working out 375 reps of 45 pound bench presses is my cardio strength cardio combined

you're good you're good i just carry that around with me all day i don't even call it a workout i i just always have it on my shoulders and throughout the day you know i i forget it's even there i have you look amazing. I wish I could see it not on a Tinder context, though. That was a little... You got to get our group chat. I have so many shirtless pictures of Kyle saved in my phone. Yeah, I went down a real fucking rabbit hole. That took 11 months to do, right?

Yeah. I made posters out of them, Taylor. Pro tip. Calendar. Kyle only. I think it was roughly eight months of bulking and about three months of cutting

to do that from zero. It was every day. it was every day. It was every day. It was every day. I didn't eat a Thanksgiving dinner or a Christmas dinner. I didn't meet, I didn't see my family for the holidays. I didn't go on dates that I didn't cook here at home.

For Valentine's Day, I had the most depressing Valentine's Day dinner ever. It was like, I had, looking back now, I realize how most depressing Valentine's day dinner ever. It was like, I had, I had looking back now, I realized how pathetic those brownies I made were. They were, they were not brownies. They were, they were, they were brownie colored stuff.

Um, but it's, it's every day to like do that. Um, there's, I don't know if you could get away with more, if you eat more cheating or not, but I didn't.

Um, so, but it's really fun. I enjoy the gym. Awesome. Um, I like the, I like the, like the the whole trt thing um i like uh i like all of it it's been fun the weight cut was even fun parts of it were parts of the weight cut were fun that's that's your rose colored glasses looking at the past man the last day was a ball the last day was the most fun once it was

over as well no like that last day of like cutting like The last day was the most fun. Once it was over, it was fun? No, like that last day of cutting water weight, I enjoyed the water cut a lot. I thought that was really fun. Because just seeing what I could do, because I'd never attempted anything like that before, and knowing what I know about MMA and stuff and how those guys cut weight, because I've seen behind-the-scenes stuff

where they're cutting weight and how they do it and stuff and seeing them like boo hoo and cry. Granted they're cutting stupid amounts of weight that caused their liver to fail. But, um, I didn't understand the people who couldn't cut like five or eight pounds or something like that. Have you ever seen people had their liver fail because of weight cuts?

Yeah. Liver or kidneys, maybe kidneys. I was like, Oh, kidneys. How much do you have to lose? Like your, your body fat is so low. Your kidneys just shut down. No, they're so, maybe. Kidneys, I think. I always thought, oh, kidneys. How much do you have to lose?

Like your body fat is so low, your kidneys just shut down? No, they're so dehydrated. So dehydrated. Yeah. Well, I can't risk a liver failure at all. So I'm going to have to stay well overweight just in case. I'm going to go on my routine, which is eat everything in front of me and just keep lifting heavier. Just eat foie gras.

Keep it in there. I don't care. Absorb it somehow. And then you'll be a delicacy. New livers. Yeah. What a disgusting, disgusting thing. Foie gras. Wait, that is the one where they force feed a goose until its liver gets so fatty that they just kill it.

Then they eat the liver. It can't be that good. It must be. I think maybe they wrap it in bacon too. What is it called that Nikado Avocado does? Do you guys know what I'm talking about at all? Suicide, what he's doing. Slow road to death.

It's like mukbang. Mukbang. What is that word? I keep hearing it. I don't know what it means. It seems like people overeating on camera is what it is. Like people eating a huge amount of food on camera. I'm sorry. I'm completely out of the loop.

Is there an individual who is force feeding himself until he gets enormous and dies? It's hilarious. Kyle, do you know that girl who is anorexic and everyone's watching her slowly die on YouTube? Yeah, I've been trying to fuck her okay there's the opposite his name is nikado avocado and he is force feeding himself he has gained 170 pounds of fat maybe he looks awful he does look terrible. And by the way, he's kind of handsome, like two years old. Oh, wait.

Have I seen him in thumbnails wearing an oxygen mask and making a face of agony? Yeah. Awesome. My man. Cool guy of the week. Cool guy of the week. He's like a baby, too. This is a guy who watched Seven and was like, I could do that.

It looks like he ate like 15 000 calories of the blue takis like a blue oh like those uh those like little little coiled up chips those oh that's so yeah that's so disgusting because like like if you're if you're going to like gorge yourself wouldn't you want like a feast of your favorite things like i want crab legs yeah and like so much butter with your crab legs and like like like cheddar biscuits and like all the things that you would be like oh i'll have one i guess i have one yeast roll yeah you ever go to like um i love is he is he also is is this gentleman nikocado avocado also gay because a lot of his videos are like eating 13 nuclear fire noodle challenge and it's just

him making out with another overweight guy on the phone. Really? Wait, is he really? I just looked at his videos. If you click the videos, you'll see the thumbnails and it's just a picture of all the food and then him making out with another fat guy. It's like a vaudeville act almost. He'll have all this chili

or whatever, like his takis, and then he'll fall and then scream like a baby and look into the camera in this really kind of gross, weird, a little bit sexual way. It's very infantilizing. It's hilarious. I don't know. He has his eyes in like 15% of his thumb, 25% of his thumbnails.

It's like, there's a lot of dude kissing here. I, by his mannerisms, I had that same curiosity, but I didn't, you know, as far as I went,

what is chewing with your mouth open part of it? Like, Oh, that's fucking vile. I've never actually watched a video, but this Cheetos, fire noodles, mukbang and recipe is he's talking with his mouth open. There's spittle flying out. It's all over his face.

He's just so, so, so fat. I'm thankful for the food that gets away. Yeah, this is like people encouraging him slowly killing himself. It's like new fat, too. It hasn't figured out what kind of fat guy he's going to be. This is like a Michelin man fat. It's like, oh, God, you look like a CG fat. I hate that appropriation because I'm old fat.

Yeah. I accrued this over decades. Over the years with problems with deli meats and crackers and goldfish. This guy thinks he can just jump right in and be one of us. No, I don't care for it. But yeah, maybe if like, is there a normal size person doing mukbang channels, Dick? I've never looked into it. Not for long.

I think the point is that they get as fat as possible and then it's like a freak show. But I don't know. Maybe. I'm not into, like, the mukbang circuit. I just know that. I thought it was more like an eating challenge thing, like how much can you eat of this. Oh, I mean, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Because that guy Kobayashi, I don't know if he's still doing the hot dogs. He was always the thinnest guy, and he dominated. Yeah. I don't know if he's still doing the hot dogs. He was always the thinnest guy, and he dominated. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, these people aren't running 10 miles after hot dogs like Kobayashi, though. Can you show some of these pictures?

They're eating like Cookie Monster, too. I don't think they have to eat it all. They eat it and throw it on themselves. They're trying to just look disgusting and gross. Oh, God. Ugh. Why? Are there people who think this is funny, or are there people who think this is funny or there are people who think this is sexual i think just funny no i'm really looking for the before pictures acted was it higher before he was like this yeah an asian kid that's playing right

like he was fine i don't know if you can zoom on him but this is 2017 well yeah he was fine. I don't know if you can zoom on him, but this is 2017. Well, yeah, he was seeing how many grapefruit he could eat instead of fucking... This guy has long been mentally ill. Even the thumbnail we have here, it appears that... I don't know

what that is he's about to eat, but he's crying. He's crying. We all see that, right? This is a man who is teary-eyed about to eat a chicken wing or something like he's always had problems this isn't a normal yeah yeah on the left though he's gained some weight i i couldn't most of the pictures i saw were part of youtube videos and they suck for showing it still image but in 2017 this guy looked good it's only i just i just linked a a bigger one or a better one rather to zach put that up and scroll down a bit and you can see he's not just like healthy weight he's thin he's a thin guy on the left like in oh he's a twink yeah he's a super twink

oh daddy's proud of his little boy look at that guy in the green he's showing him around that does he looks like red looks like he's blue's father look look how he's arching his back for for for that photo it's great he is humping that guy in the plan yeah he's thrusting it in there well they're probably planning to have some right there do you think the lgbt community gets together like we got to get rid of this guy come on you can't have this fuck out there the lgbt community is fit like those guys i don't know they just seem disciplined about their body fat i'm impressed not all of them though right seems like it depends on what side clearly not all of them i would say gay men, I would say they're probably physically the fittest subpopulation among us, right?

Yeah. Gay men? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Because men are so aesthetic and so visual that they want to attract another guy. They got to be fucking shredded.

You can't walk in there looking like Nico Cotto or whatever the fuck. It's not going to plan out for you. Well, it depends where you walk into. I'm sure there are certain places you walk in looking like Nico Avocado Creepo. They just fucking melt.

They're coming in their fucking whatever you wear when you're that fat. It's not pants anymore. It's not pants anymore. Momos. You know what's funny about that Homer Simpson episode when he had the muumuu on? Do you know how much he weighed? When he was so fat, he needed a muumuu on? Do you know how much he weighed?

When he was so fat, he needed a muumuu and couldn't go to work, and he got on the scale. I think it was like 285. Yeah, he had to give like 265. I think it was 265. He started as a fat guy at 238. Yeah, he was already... They thought at that point in the 90s

that 265 was comically cartoonishly fat. They thought 265 was so ridiculous you could put it right next to the nuclear power plant being saved by Homer wedging his fat ass in the release valve. They thought each of those things were equally goofy and zany. A 265-pound man and stopping a nuclear disaster with your ass. That was like 1994. It wasn't that long ago on a scale of humanity. But yeah, you're right. It shows Homer stepping on the scale in the beginning,

and he's 238, and he's like, I'm never going to succeed in my goal. And you're like, no, we we're gonna get you there dad and like he's like homer i'm not entirely sure you should be gaining this much like and he falls into the fucking hole 300 pounds was no they knew that no one would get upset about that because no one weighed 300 pounds in 1994 like very few people it just wasn't a thing you were you were able to to i guess get by what was fat back then i guess 230 like someone who you would see today and think he's not too bad he's not he hasn't gone like he's hanging in there the redeemable zone yet oh that's me we can come back to one of us. He's not subhuman yet.

No. I always keep an eye on the shirt sizes that I get. I do a merch run every couple of months. And since pandemic, it's like, oh, the 3XLs, 4XLs. Boys, a lot of 4XLs this time. I'm not selling fives. I wear it like a dress. I mean, maybe they're budget campers. I don't want a bunch of tents walking around with my merchandise.

I'm going to Lululemon here. Nobody, no 5Xs. Some woman called me on and I said, oh, you know what? I'm not selling any women's larges or bigger anymore. So deal with that. You just sell women's extra small and small. Yeah, mediums. That's it.

Oh, that's so funny you've actually noticed like people getting fatter through your merch sales yeah well then because i do the live shows in cities and i'll order a bunch of shirts to go with and some of the like chicago or atlanta i was like whoa where's the where's the all the 3x shirts and boxes they're like, oh, those were gone right away. Okay, well. So you're just lugging medium men's back? Yeah. And I think it was Atlanta. The mediums and the 3Xs sold out right away.

But there was no larges. Jesus. Yeah. Damn. Odd size for Atlanta. That'd be an interesting study. Like how much fatter people have gotten since lockdown stuff. It's got to be significant, right? Yeah.

I imagine so. The kids especially, you could hear them now. Now that school's back in, you could hear them thundering up the street. Walking to school. My dog is like, what is that? I was just the kids. That is true. Just driving around, if I see the school bus, it's like, have is that? I'm like, oh, it's just the kids. That is true.

Like, just driving around, if I see the school bus, it's like, have kids always been this fat? Yeah. I don't think so. Like, kids shouldn't get winded walking from the bus home. I don't know. There's a middle school right next to me. I see a lot of hot ones. Oh, wow.

That is a good line. I like it. oh wow all right that's a good line i like it you're the like uh as as dennis would say you're making investments and of course you wouldn't withdraw until it's come to full maturity so something i want to i want to move to and talk about is dick you've been embroiled you went to a hilarious protest about Dave Chappelle holding up the, we like jokes, jokes are funny, and you got assaulted.

Can you lay that whole shit out? Because it is wild. Fucking asshole. I think that's why all my accounts just got canceled too is because I started posting the identity of the Antifa guy that attacked me, and everything got wiped right away. So, I mean, you guys, you like jokes, right? Well, don't tell us what his name was.

Yeah, no, I won't. I won't fuck up your stuff. You like jokes, everybody? Jokes are funny. You all agree? Two thumbs up. So, you know Vito Giswaldi? Has he come on this show?

No. It sounds... He's a 4Xer, I think. He's a 3XL or a 4XL. Most Vitos are. Yeah. He's a friend of mine. We do the Biggest Problem podcast together.

We rebooted it. We're doing that every Friday. But he rings me up one night and says, Hey, tomorrow there's a Dave Chappelle protest at Netflix. All the alphabet people are coming out, and they're going to demonstrate how they don't get jokes. Alphabet people are LGBT,

I-T-A plus whatever. Alphabet is the Google thing and I couldn't make it. I thought of FBI. We're not talking about stocks right now. Thank you. He says all the alphabet people or the trans people are doing a little protest to demonstrate how they don't like jokes.

And do you want to go hold signs at it? Because that's his deal, going to protests and being a jackass. Like he did a thing where he brought a Pepsi to a riot and was trying to do that Kardashian commercial. You guys should have him on. He's really funny. He sounds funny. Yeah, we should get him on. So he's going to the cops, and they're like,

what the fuck are you doing? Like, Antifa's behind him throwing bottles. We went to the LA Riot together and did some live streaming there, did a little trolling. So I said, yeah, sure, let's do it. I didn't think anyone was going to show up, because stupid me, I thought, don't these trans people have better things to do with their time than go scream about how Dave Chappelle is ruining their lives?

Apparently not. Seems like a big waste of time. Whatever. So we go to Home Depot. I insisted on having good quality signs because I'm turning this into a married with children protest. Like, I don't know. You guys remember no ma'am's protest where Bob Rooney and the guys would get in a circle and have like the dumbest slogans possible while marching in all circles. Like, all right, I know exactly what what this protest is.

We go to Home Depot and I get some big fucking poles on these signs. Big, big white. we go to home depot and i get some big fucking poles on these signs big big white you know i'm putting putting my my entire half ass into these signs um and we think okay it's got to be just so stupid nobody could possibly get upset by it like it's not it's not we support black comedy because we don't i mean i it's like just comedy's comedy yeah i support good comedy i'm not racist about my support of comedy uh it's just we like jokes uh dave is funny and then vito goes what about my sign i'm like well we like dave jokes are funny he goes jokes jokes are funny yes, it's fucking perfect.

Look at her. Like, look, now we're matching. See how stupid that is? And people are going to see us going around looking dumb. Like, jokes are funny. And it's going to be like a little bit of levity. I thought maybe even the trans people could embrace it a little bit. Like, oh, you know what?

We do like jokes. They do not like jokes. As it turns out. We do like jokes, they do not like jokes. As it turns out. And I mean, obviously I don't think that those lunatics represent the trans community. It's just a bunch of maniacs that wanna bully people, right? The trans community doesn't give a fuck.

Trans community's out there working and doing whatever. This is just a fringe group of lunatics that had a bad day for their entire life. So we get there, and it's like, it's popping right away. There's probably 50 protesters, maybe 150 news media reporters and organizations there to cover it. Outnumbering them three to one. Oh, yeah Yeah, no, it is big. That was a funny thing about it. There's just so many news people They're like it's ten cameras on every single person like oh who's someone gonna fuck up Is someone gonna fuck up is someone gonna fuck up and then we come in?

And you got all the turf people there like women who have women who look like they've been left in the sun for about 30 years and they've got the entire bible written on their sign that they're holding screaming about screaming about how

whatever I don't know what their talking points were but then on the other side you've got a woman dressed like the Pope and a guy fatter than Nick Avocado with this little pink dollop of hair on top of his head. He looks like the Punch-Out sequel. He looks like a bad guy from a Van Damme movie, screaming about rights.

And I'm like, oh my God. You guys, we're just here uh joking I mean you guys are too but I don't think you know it um so we're arguing with people and having a good time um okay and we're recording it too because Vito's gonna make a video about it for his YouTube channel and um eventually Vito said they pull all the they pull all the lunatics into the netflix hq all this is at netflix netflix hq which is the most upsetting to me because netflix said yeah yeah yeah we absolutely want this we want this walk out it's a it's a walkout for netflix employees to come out and protest their biggest product of the day

and then to attract as many malcontents and psychopaths in the area to come congregate on their property and cause mayhem. And to oversee this boiling, you know, this potential chaotic moment, they have their two smallest security guards who've borrowed their uncle's suit to shove Juan and Paco, Juan and Dose, in like suits that are going down by their arms, going like, excuse me, sir,

can you not stand on the plane? Okay, okay. And they just go back off. Like this is fucking chaos so veto takes his sign did you guys see what what happened to veto sign i i did see them tear it off yeah oh yeah no you got to watch that you got to watch that i did see okay so they tore off his sign and then they claimed it was a weapon right yeah so Yeah. So Vito has his sign, and then this guy Joe Cristalli, who is a showrunner for the new Frasier reboot,

like the one show that we needed a reboot, Frasier, he comes over and grabs Vito's sign and tears it away from him or grabs it, pulls it down, smashes his sign, leaving Vito with only the stick like veto's not a big guy i mean he's fat but he's not like muscular so he's there holding a stick going oh you smashed my sign and the guy goes he's got a weapon and then walks away it's like bro was that it's like you can't scream he's got a weapon at a trans protest with a bunch of fucking guys, Antifa guys that are like mad dogging you and swinging their bike locks like they're in the Warriors, like ready to rumble at any moment. Like you can't say he's got a weapon.

And there's all the cops that are on. Yeah, they're like all the cops are on bikes in the middle of the street. Like you're I know that you I know that you know what you're doing, but whatever. Um, so Vito's standing there, you haven't watched the video, you gotta watch it, there's this woman with a tambourine, like, screaming, REPENT MOTHERFUCKER! REPENT MOTHERFUCKER! Right in his face, and he's just, and he can't move! Because they, the protesters, they get around you, like, like they stand there and they put their arms around you like they're hugging a tree and they're like i'm not touching you but if you if you touch me then we're gonna have a serious problem well i can't fucking move like i don't

know why you think what you're doing is is legal but it's not like it's it's not like it's like yeah like i can't move like okay well i don't know. Very mild napping. Yeah, like, I can't move. Like, okay, well, I don't know how to get out of this. So I'm like, we're goofing. Why don't you just sleep down? Then he's trying to, like,

juke out of them and, like, spin to get around. In that situation, you just have to attack that person with everything you have. You just punch him right and have your life ruined I mean you're already in a pretty good position

like grabbing a body like to slam him on their fucking head on the ground right like he's putting his elbows up to hurt me oh if Dick does that to someone two seconds until there's articles local white supremacist attacks justice protester

at Netflix. So were you attacked? Oh yeah, so I thought it would be really funny when they're like smashing Vito's sign and going like, we fucking killed jokes! We fucking killed jokes at this fucking idiot! I thought it would be so funny

to just take my sign and go behind him. You know? So if anybody's recording it, they would see this awful display and then see like the Muppets, like a guy going like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, behind with the exact same sign. So I get behind there. I have the video. We played it on my show.

I don't know. There's a picture, too. The New York Times has a good picture of me getting shoved, of my head getting shoved into this concrete thing. This guy, the same guy, Joe Crisale, comes over and tries to

grab my sign out of the way. Because I'm holding it up and like they're trying to disguise my sign with their signs, but I got that big old home video stick. So I'm going way, like, oh, no, no, no, no. I got a fucking nine-foot stick, you idiots. You cannot cover my jokes are funny sign.

So Joe comes over, and, like, I'm like this with my sign just standing there. And he kind of comes in and starts twerking on me right like he slides in and thinks he's being sneaky and grabs my side and gives it a yank and i'm like no no no buddy this is not like you little noodley arm you're not you're not smashing my sign i worked i worked hard on this sign for like 10 minutes i'm not gonna you know go away i'm not i'm not you already smashed that guy's sign you're not smashing my sign so i hold it so then he grabs it with both hands he's like i'm trying to take it and what do you probably know the feeling of a like a kid trying to rip something out of your hands sure like it's just like you can't stop laughing it's

like what are you doing this is this is my, what are you doing? This is my thing. Why are you trying to rip my thing out? So I grab my sign and I go, oh, this guy's trying to take my sign. This guy's trying to, like I started screaming. Because it's funny because it's so stupid. I'm like, bro, you're embarrassing yourself. This guy's trying to take my sign. So then I see this fucking little Smurf, this Antifa Smurf guy, who looks all- he's all yoked up, he's a little guy but he's all yoked,

just fucking staring at me, right? Like, staring with his blue baklava. And then I realize, like, oh fuck, alright, here we go. So I start screaming, this guy's attacking me, this guy's attacking me, this guy's attacking me! And the next thing I know, uh,e joe pulls me away so i'm kind of like i'm still holding my sign the whole time of the video i have both hands on my sign because i'm not going to i mean i'm there with a we like fucking joke sign i'm not there to i'm not there to play homoerotic punch up with a bunch of guys who don't have dads right so i'm holding holding this sign and this fucking guy comes over and and takes a running start and shoves me. It's very violent, too, if you watch it.

Shoves me against a planter, and then I kind of don't remember the rest, but you can see it on video. Then shoves my head into one of those stupid concrete balls that they have in front of Target, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like enameled concrete. So I remember the hit. Like I saw him shoving me and I thought, well, you know, all right, this is, all right, just try to stay up. And I remember getting hit in a really fucked, like surprising place.

So I thought maybe somebody cranked me with a bike lock or something. Because like you're not used to getting hit so hard while you're standing up. Right? Maybe you're falling down. You're kind of braced for it. But this was just like crack. Like, oh, God. Fuck.

Most things that hit in general have some give to them. This has no give. It's a special kind of hard. Yeah. So I'm all, you can see it on the video too I'm all disoriented and like standing up um and trying to figure out who's uh got the bike lock because I'm like all right well whoever the bike lock might have a knife or something so I gotta find like I'm in danger of being murdered now because these people are just they're fucking crazy the people that show up there um and I'm looking I'm looking

around I'm saying that he hit me in case so someone can record him and get him and i shit you not out of nowhere this little broad appears and says i know this guy he's got a rape list you gotta be fucking kidding me. That was Maddox. That was the thing in his video that he did like seven years ago to get me kicked out of comedy. He said that I ran a rape list because some guys on 4chan made a, they put like Hillary Clinton on a list of women they wanted to rape. And he goes, that's, that's his rape list.

And out of, I'm like you got to be fucking kidding me the fucking rape list is coming I'm gonna, oh, no. But, like, if I'm in that crowd, though, and I hear, that guy's got a rape list. I'm like, the fuck is a rape list? What does that mean? Is that, like, a list of conquests? Is it plans? Is that bad? Does it mean he wants to kill rapists?

I think everyone was so confused that they didn't kick my ass. I don't know. I'm just telling this story straight. Let me know if you want me to pause for a moment and jump in. No, that's good. That's really funny. So now you have some sort of lawsuit, maybe? Oh, I hope so.

Yeah, I, you know, I found, what's that, Woody? Were you able to track down the person's identity? Yes. That's what I was waiting for. That's what took me so long to file the police report because I didn't want to go to the police and say, yeah, a little angry blue guy attacked me, and I don't know anything.

So this dude, this dude hit me up after the fact with all kinds of footage from the day saying of the guy who hit me confessing to, like, this trans woman livestreamer, what he did, and, like, then he's talking to, he's him in this. What a dumbass. Yeah, this dude, this dude I'm not gonna say

because I don't want your channel to get fucked with, but it's on my channel. He's talking to this live streamer, Precious Child is her name. That's not unknown. He's talking to her about him doing it, and then she's like, well, do you want to trade clothes so that you can go back to avoid detection? He goes, oh, yeah, I don't want them getting my identity. So sure as shit, the cops get there.

The dude comes back in the black mask instead of his blue outfit. And then the guy, the same guy who sent me the thing, found him on interviews and other places and, like, triangulated, you know, this is the guy. He isolated his laugh during the interviews and like played it back and like this. He got different angles of the shape of his skull and his face. The guy's like a CrossFit gym owner and an Olympic weightlifter

and like a college football player. I was like, oh, amazing. Okay. So they found the one Antifa who works out to sick on me. And then it turns out the fucking guy who found it all was a rooftop Korean. So in the 90s, you remember those guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mustache.

That was his dad, was the rooftop Korean. In the 90s, he was 18. He was going around to all the ghetto neighborhoods, fucking flashing his piece so the gangs there knew not to fuck with the rooftop Koreans. They had a whole squad of guys. The guys were not on the roof were driving around fucking enforcing or whatever, trying to intimidate the gangs from fucking with their stores. Cool dude. Jeez. Yeah, anyway.

That is an insane tale and you just wanted to carry a sign that said Dave is funny, jokes are funny yeah I like jokes you might have a lifetime of like not forget the physical trauma but the mental trauma that you've been through

I'm sure you've had nightmares I'm sure that maybe you don't feel safe in your own home at times and you're in public. It's got to be hard. I don't want to judge, but I think your back and neck hurt. Yeah. No joke. I got a stress headache just by hearing your story.

I'm wondering if maybe there's a class action suit. Yeah. I'm upset by hearing that from Kyle, so I'd like to sign. The class action of everyone who likes jokes can sign up to my class action lawsuit uh if my brain didn't work for i mean it's like one of those things where i know it was i know it was fucked the next day i forgot conversations full-on conversations that i had that night i don't really remember the impact uh i was doing like I was leaving half coffee around the house getting made and it got better but then I start wondering well did I am I getting used to the forgetfulness like I don't really know you know like the fear

of it is am I getting asymptotically better and it never gets better? Because that's really, that is really bothering me and pissing me off. The whole, the whole, the nature of head injuries are, well, you know, I can't, I don't have any words anymore to describe these things because I'm retarded now. Because of the head injury, perhaps. Because of the head injury. But it's very scary. You were much funnier before this.

Thank you. Thank you for saying that. You were smarter also. You used to be able to carry a show. I was happy when I heard you came on. Now that I see what we've gotten. I'm a little worried. Now he's all busted up. I'm all messed up now. I'm wondering if we at PKA could seek some sort of financial restitution

because we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. Yeah. We didn't know this man was damaged goods after that neo-nazi attacked him we didn't know the neo-nazi you're not gonna sell as much of your goo juice because i can't keep a conversation going i know everyone suffers um but an insane situation. Yeah, afterwards. That's terrible. Oh, yeah. When Vito and I left, we hadn't checked our phones all day. Because if you take your phone out at one of these things, some fucking idiot's going to slap it out of your hand. And I'm like, oh, well, there's $1,200.

Thanks, bud. But when we got our phones back on in the car, which they chased us down to our car. Fucking Antifa chased us down to our car. Jeez. They cannot take a joke. Dude, that's one thing I learned about trans women from this experience, is they really don't like jokes. When we checked our phones, it was blowing up.

The clips of him getting his sign smashed already had like a million views on it. It was crazy. It was really crazy. Where's it going from here? I don't know. I don't know. Probably Dave Chappelle will apologize. Dave Chappelle will take a picture of us and say, these two fucking guys are the reason I'm not doing comedy anymore.

We had a bunch of interviews the day of, too. There was one funny one. This little dude for, I think, USA Today, one funny one this little this little dude for i think usa today this reporter this little gay guy i mean i just assume he was gay but i would bet on it um he grabbed me and goes hey can i get an interview with you kind of over here i don't like the sun i was hoping he would you know ask for ask for my number, but he didn't. So he brought me in this little, under this little awning thing, kind of around a little, around the pylon of the building. I don't know, somewhere more secluded.

And he goes, okay, just wanted to ask you why you're, you know, kind of why you're here today. And this white woman, as they all are, comes fucking stomping over with her dreads. And she goes, can I ask what you're doing with him? And he goes, you know that look that gay guys have? Like, oh, okay. Just, I'm going to ask him some questions. And she goes, are you press? And he goes, yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm press, just doing my job here. And she goes, well, if you need to know what happened, you can ask me.

And he, I mean, it's just kind of disgusting that you're even giving someone like him a platform to say anything. And he goes, well, you know, I'll just do my job here. And she walked away, and I said, you were asking why I'm here today? I think you know. Yeah. and she walked away and I said, you were asking why I'm here today? I think you know. Yeah. Just kidding. Yeah, okay.

So I started asking the questions. Did you let him know that they're about to kick him out of the LGBTQ? Yeah. As a white gay man, he's the first on the chopping block. That's true. All you white gays out there, you're getting cut out soon. Yeah. Is he white or Asian? Did I miss out the story he's a white guy he was white yeah he was white my bad my bad i said buddy i have a gay straight alliance that i want to introduce you to this lgbt stuff is gone it's all about the gsa gay straight alliance could you do an accent that is a racist chinese man who is very gay, but he does the thing with his R's?

Dude, this is too scary. This is too scary because I know he's going to say Brack. No, you're setting me up for a trap here. I'm not doing that one. That's the one he won't tip. All right, fine. I don't care for all of these. No, see.

You got to slow it down. I don't care for all of these bracks pretending to be gay. I am the real gay person here. These brack gays keep... See, that's all that it gets to do no but that's good it's hard oh yeah then they were pretending that i was strangling somebody that was the thing that got out after yeah that apparently that was well they always like lie

to say you're doing something so some muscle dummy will come in and beat you up they're like this guy's strangling somebody. Yeah. No, I'm just, like, holding on to my fucking sign, man. I'm holding on to my fucking... I want the sign. I don't want you assholes to smash it. That's it. Did you feel like the media gave you a fair shake?

No, they're fucked. The Associated Press said that V that veto they took a picture of veto and they they blew it you know associated press they sent it to like 30 000 news outlets and said a local comedian vetoed just while the screaming profanities at the in support of dave chappelle and so we got over like what the fuck is this we didn't swear like we're we're pretending like we're in church because we know exactly what's going to happen to us uh they released a retraction later the ap did saying uh he wasn't screaming profanities at this moment it's like because jesse signal or somebody on twitter found a video and like pieced together exactly when that was and proved that he wasn't

swearing so then the ap said well he wasn't swearing right at that moment like oh okay thanks you guys do you have any video of him swearing or photographs maybe even no no but we're sure he sweared what did he say narrative the media wanted to run with so they ran with it jesus there's no accountability if they get it wrong so who cares for them yeah it's it's crazy. It's really unfortunate. He's on video. What he said was, I don't get the violence. I like Dave.

I like jokes. Jokes are funny. And then some version of like, why can't we all just get along? Something stupid like that. Something offensive, no doubt. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Why can't we all get along? Ugh.

You disgusting white man. You fat idiot. Why can't we get along because you're racist yeah so it's all so it was white men two white men beat up me a mexican and veto a bisexual oh he's a woman on his driver's license but is he that is so fucking funny yeah he got he put woman on his driver's license just cause well I guess he's a woman just cause you can he did it because you can

and no one can say you can't oh my god I just got my motorcycle license I could have done that yeah you could have been the ugliest woman in America no that's not true Vito would have been uglier not at this rally i mean it was it was a hilarious set of videos to watch and like the way you described it seemed

pretty accurate with the videos of like you guys clearly like are walking in with like looks of glee and mirth like we're gonna fuck up their little stupid nonsense and then they take it beyond serious they're so crazy like they're really they're really such crazy people that should be ignored and mocked by everyone it's funny they feel so comfortable getting violent at a protest knowing that nothing is likely going to happen to them i know that fucker's probably still going to write for Frasier or do whatever, but we do one wrong thing and we lose our goo juice sponsorship. Nobody's taking the goo.

No one's taking our fucking goo juice from us. They better not. Yeah, you can't cancel goo. No. No. I mean, it's you just can't. I mean, I hope more people make jokey signs and go to protests like that. I mean, that would make these videos much funnier if more people were willing to put their lives on the line for a joke.

Yeah. A lot of comedians hit us up afterwards and say, hey, you guys should hit us up the next time you're going to one of these. I'm like, all right, cool. We do this. This is Hollywood. There should have been way more comedians out there in support of jokes. But then other comedians, they're like, I don't know why you didn't just haul back and pop one of them. I'm like, no, you should stay home.

It's not you, girl. We're not trying to do a Proud Boys thing over here. Just like a jokes thing. Yeah, and apparently you can't even do a jokes thing without over here and just uh just like a jokes thing yeah and apparently you can't even do a jokes thing without being assaulted no sucks so what do you have to do if you want to go troll these protests i guess exactly that but you got to be willing to get hit and fucked with and have your bt platform have your life ruined yeah you got to wear a helmet i think that's what i learned i'm gonna wear a helmet would have been clutch you know what i've learned from watching street fighting videos of like or

mostly like russian uh on the road fighting videos is when like a biker with his helmet on shows up to fight a normal motorist it's all but finished already like they can they can do the fucking headbutt you can see him like crack a baseball bat like glancing off and they're still okay because it's meant for fucking high speed collisions it is like true i saw one video of from russia where this fucking retard he had the helmet benefit he had that going in and he took it off to use as a kujal and immediately got knocked out and he he never would have been knocked out had he left that on he would have been untouchable he's gonna take body shots in the middle of

fucking putin avenue until it ends like no you're gonna beat that guy to shit a little headbutt action yeah i think uh i think the motorcycle helmet is a essential piece of fight gear um i i i have i like you have seen many fights go the way of the biker I love that when the guy just like parks his bike gets off, knocks the guy the fuck out and then gets back on and leaps, it's just so quick but I've never seen anybody get hit wearing a motorcycle helmet in care

I found a motorcycle helmet in the road a couple days ago I was like this could come in handy, I took it it's on the side of the road you might need this, yeah I took it aren't they like a one hit and done yeah but i mean i have a very nice helmet i'm very careful with it but if you were gonna hop on the back of my bike i'd be like yeah i got a helmet okay yeah there you go it's red it's sparkly it's a name brand yeah that shield's a little wonky i mean it came off somebody's head going 70 probably it's you didn't spring for like for a matching

helmet for whatever babe you've got on the back? I don't want anybody on my motorcycle ever. Have you not taken anyone? I don't like the idea of it even. I don't plan to. No, no, no, no. She's got her own motorcycle if she's going to ride. I don't blame you. I know a few girls who have bikes

and they can ride their own fucking bike. I don't want you on the back of mine fucking shit up, freaking out, leaning the wrong goddamn way, sending me into a tree. My wife does that. We couldn't find the restaurant. She's like looking on this side of me, that side of me, everywhere.

I was like, baby, stay still. That is a scary situation to be in. We'll find it! Stop! And you're weaving in the lane as best you can. I'm new at this shit. I don't need it on hard mode. I don't need a counterbalance behind me playing games with fucking gravity

and inertia. Get the fuck off. I'm riding my own motorcycle. She was like, I didn't know. I didn't know that that would cause a problem. And it's just like, this shit girls don't know i can't get past it sometimes like you needed to be told not to do that like math i'm the last one to insult people on their lack of math comprehension i just i just remember every

single time in math class being like yeah this isn't that hard but it is so fucking boring it's so difficult to keep your attention on like algebra two it's it's grueling there's at no point was i like oh that's so neat how i equaled the equation like i would fuck up i would fuck up and i would have this whole thing it's like all right tomorrow we're starting a new chapter tomorrow tomorrow's the new chapter and i'd go in and i'd be like taylor diet i'm like tomorrow builds upon today though new chapter tomorrow all this shit today doesn't matter anymore we already failed never what happens in math it's always like you know today we do a plus b tomorrow a plus b plus c and it's like oh fuck you know i was

really struggling with yesterday's lesson i don't know how i'm doing today's oh there was there was a time i remember it was it was an algebra class my my freshman year of high school and i did what you're saying where i was like i'll catch catch up before the test. Didn't learn anything. And the, and we'd have daily homework and he would walk in like an up and down. He wouldn't have people pass their homework to the front. He would have people like just have it on their desk and he would come down and he would get it from this guy named Jake. And then when he went back up, it would be passed me and Jake would pass his homework to me and I'd write in all the answers really quick. And then I'd hand it back to him.

And every week there was no work on my sheet, no working it out or anything. It was just the answers. And every week he'd be like, Taylor, you really have to bring your scrap paper so I can see. You know how it is. You know, you get so into your maths that you forget. That worked all year. I didn't learn anything. Yeah, and all the tests were grueling.

I would get all the questions on the left side of the paper correct because I could look over and see what Jake was doing. Right side of the paper, maybe once in a while. You don't know how to do Algebra 2 even a little. Enough. I passed. Not according to the Missouri educational system.

According to Missouri, I'm well versed in Algebra 2. It was Jake. Shout out to Jake. Thank you very much for that. Damn, Jake. I only tried to cheat like that one year and it was in some sort of um computer class and it was so easy to cheat because you could just like copy somebody else's thumb drive and i i did that and i printed everything out at home and she could recognize the difference between inkjet and laser and so i got like a

i don't know a 15 or something in that class like like like like what because like like most of the year's work had been fraudulent um it was did you guys ever hook up any cheaters in high school like friends who needed help because i remember like someone one of my you know not a friend acquaintance about help him out he would sit to the right of me in english senior year and we would get vocabulary tests and this fucking retard could not remember the meaning of words to save his life and so every single week i would take the test he'd take the one and i would finish the whole thing and he would look off of it and it got to the point that the teacher was so disheartened by obviously seeing Joe cheat that she stopped caring. And so at one point, he just reached over after I was done, took my paper, and then just copied it.

And she saw it. She gave him an A-plus on that one. But then the next week, she gave him a remedial vocabulary test so it would be different from everyone else in the classes. And she did that for a while. And he'd be like, Taylor, Taylor, what does sufficient mean? Oh, no. And I'd be like,

it's right, it's C, it's enough. Like, C, it's certainly not avian birds or whatever the fuck that i just i helped him through that too i remember i can remember a guy who's trying to cheat off me it's like what do you what do you what'd you get for number three and i'm like pal i'm not your guy you want to ask somebody's but if you find out you let me know right

I remember I'm lost I thought this was geography I remember in a chemistry test once in high school it was probably 10th grade like they didn't have a normal seating thing it was like a big you know almost finished square

you know and where he would stand at the front and it was just that kind of u-shape with the square uh desks and everyone was sitting there and someone who was really really good at chemistry was like i'll sit on the far right and then everybody just copied to the left of me and it was like a game of telephone where like our great it was like 90 87 87%, 80%, 74%. Just like worse and worse as it got down. Thankfully, I was only, I think, two from him. And so I got most of the good answers.

Yeah, cheating in high school. Two thumbs up to that. There's no reason not to. You know? Kyle, you are muted, my friend. Yeah, I'm trying to think if I had any other good cheating times. You would think so. I mean, there was plenty of times when I would have a little cheat sheet of some kind, like a formula or something.

And what I would always do in that situation, because I felt like getting out a piece of paper or something like that was so ridiculous, I'd either write on my palm or – and sometimes it would be a code, that even if they saw it, they wouldn't know what it meant. But to me, it's a mnemonic device or something like that. And, uh, that, or my,

my, my main trick was to write on the desk, write the cheat sheet on the desk and make it look like some asshole just scribbled. And so like, I'm, I'm over there putting the, all the fucking answers all over my desk and wonky spots.

Like, like if it's like biology or something like that, like how, you know, the inner workings of a cell, you know, like, like,

like all the little pieces and like, like how, like each one is inside the other or whatever. Like that's on the top of my desk. Cause I, I'm not remembering that shit this week. And it just, and nobody ever saw that.

And at the end you could just like lick your finger and rub it right off. In, uh, what was the class? I cheated Italianian i cheated in italian a good oh you're an italian class mama mia in college in college yeah i remember taking italian and oh no this is even better one i remember i was i was in eighth grade ninth grade doing math and i did not know what was on the test and i remember telling myself

in lunch period the the test is right after lunch i was like i'll probably know some of it i've been in class like i i get it and then i got into the class and i saw the test and i was like oh no and so i like pushed on my nose and picked it and pushed it until my nose started bleeding. And I was like, I got it. I got it. I got it. I can't finish the test. I can't finish the test.

I'm sorry. And so I went to the bathroom, got my nose to stop bleeding, pretended that it took half an hour and then came back and like sat down and was like, finish my test. And I went over to the teacher and was like, I can't possibly finish this. Can I do it another day? She was like, I fucking guess so, Taylor. I went home, still barely studied and got a C.

I thought that I was made, but then she gave me a different test. And so that was what proved difficult. So I was more studying the questions i had seen but that that wasn't the way it panned out you mean only studying the questions you saw only studying the questions i saw yeah because i oh i just hated that and she was such a waste of time all this testing and horse shit yeah we had to do it's a bunch of nonsense like at no at no point are they like we're gonna teach you how to pay taxes and build a financially responsible future how to invest in stocks it's no it's like

what did fucking george washington eat for breakfast on his 30th birthday who cares amazing thank you i'm so glad i have no italian right now oh well i i fucked up i i you need to take a full language you know at Mizzou where I went. And the only class, it was a six-hour class, so only two classes for Italian could get you your entire language requirement, whereas you would need three classes for Spanish or for Latin, whatever else you wanted to do. And so I took Italian 1 my freshman year, second semester of college.

And I was like, that sucks. This is a problem for senior Taylor. And so I didn't take Italian for two full years. And then I jumped into Italian two. And this teacher is only speaking in Italian during class. And I have no idea what is being said. And I immediately I've said it before, so I'll keep it quick. I, you know, reconciled myself to being like, all right, you're going gonna be that guy that upsets everyone who just raises his hand and answers wrong for everything so she knows you're trying i would go to office hours and be like look at my workbook i'm trying is it any good and she'd be like this is so wrong like so much of this but you're now it's me taylor my speaking test was the most this poor woman for

having to endure the most uncomfortable event in all of human history and all like i we had to write an essay at the end of every test and i won't you would have to write about like write about your family's trip to the grocery store and i didn't know fucking a lick of italian and so no matter what the question was i would lead off because there was a word requirement of like 250 words in the essay and i'd be like me and my family and my brother and my sister and my dog all went to the grocery store and bought wine we also went to the movies and watched a movie with my brother and my sister and my everything and all of each each essay worse than the last to the point that like like she genuinely like was she thought i was an

actual retarded person by the end of it because i did not earn a c but she gave me a c because and that's a that's a nice college lesson for you if you don't know what the fuck's going on go to the office hours. Be that stupid idiot in class who's like asking questions and upsetting all the rest of the classmates. But that teacher is going to remember you as that stupid idiot who doesn't quite get it. Did you save that much effort over learning Italian? Yeah, just learn Italian. That's not a good tip.

It's actually not. Okay, you're right. Hear me out. Hear me out. I have this back. Work incredibly hard do all your homework show your worksheets come to her office hours you're right it would have been easier to learn italian it would have been easier to learn italian if i had done it

sophomore year first semester but that was that was the most that was the dumbest academic decision i made in my life taking italian two, senior year, two years no Italian. So you tried to shortcut the Spanish that would have taken three by taking two Italian. Yes, two semesters Italian, three semesters Spanish. Still, I couldn't tell you three words in either. So I looked out so much. They introduced sign language at my high school like that year

or the year before. And she was like this, don't give a fuck hippie chick who was in her late forties, early fifties. No, no, no. Early fifties for sure.

Something like that. Like I think her husband had just died. She was about to buy a red convertible and she didn't give a fuck. And she thought I was cute and i didn't know shit about sign language and i passed sign language two and that is my extra language on my uh fucking high school diploma i don't i still don't know i i knew the alphabet i knew the alphabet and somehow i passed uh sign language two we would just sit the alphabet like is it like it's like a shit um what it's like the blood's symbol that's all based on that

no it's no f is this h um i think that's in um here's j this is m this is literally m and then that's in you got my nose got your noses in yeah you got your nose in what is i i is this what's g uh g? G. I think G is this. Do you spell a lot of shit in sign language? Yes. So you have to spell a lot for names. If we just met, then I would quickly spell Kyle, which is like K. Why wouldn't you come up with your own cool symbol?

You do when you're more familiar. Like if you're my dad, let's just say, I'm not going to say dad. I might have like a symbol for you. Sure. But more likely like I wouldn't spell out like dick every time. I'd probably use the sign for a penis or something. That would be our little thing together. Better be a big finger that you're using.

Yeah, that you're using. I was like, yeah, he knows. That's old dick. I have no idea what the sign for penis is. That was two easy fucking credits because I just hung out the whole time in a goddamn trailer every afternoon. Sometimes I wasn't even in class. I would just

leave and she was cool with it. We didn't do anything in there. That's awesome. She got a check though. Teachers that just let kids leave because they were so disheartened by their career choice like it wasn't that no it's not gonna learn i would tell her where i was going i was like hey can i can i go play in the greenhouses she's be like yeah get back before class ends next thing you know we're in one of those greenhouse dollies like going down an asphalt hill well i say we they were pushing i was i was going you were enjoying the ride yeah i enjoyed it till to the bottom of the hill yeah yeah so you don't remember any sign language

i remember what i just showed you and at least some of that was wrong um most of that was right i think or at least close enough um as far as like boy and girl were really easy i think maybe there's something where you like rubbed your cheek and that was a that was maybe that's boy or something like that i i remember so little so i remember more spanish and i didn't even take spanish what's girl in sign or in sign yeah i have no i don't i don't remember what girl is you guys should have a sign language interpreter like uh on the corner i will just do that for you i do like that idea yeah um i i one of the one of the most ballsy things that i've ever seen done

is those people who agree to be sign language interpreters for a a tv feed and then stand up there and bullshit it you've seen this right like it's happened at like at police yeah press conferences like but fucking sheriff is talking about how the manhunt is going meanwhile they're doing macarena meanwhile this 40 year old black woman and and there's some deaf person at home who like knows where the suspect is and they're like i don't know about this one like it you know it's happened it's it's nonsense and those people get paid collector check and they're usually like whenever they end up like researching who they are they're like yeah she's

a known like um flim flam artist scam artist like we say is flim flam a ubiquitous thing like do you all know what flim flam artist means like scam yeah i know taylor will yeah from the simpsons yeah okay it's it's a common thing in the South, I think. It's like a con man or a scam artist. It's called the flim flam man, something like that. But yeah, that's what's going on there. But she's got the balls on her to stay – What's the end game?

She knows she's getting found out. Yeah, right. This has to be fun for her. There's no other reason to do it that is ballsy because what's the pay like you can't be great it can't it can't possibly be worth the effort of sneaking your way into that position it's got to be a couple hundred bucks and now you've embarrassed the local law enforcement so you literally have to run you literally have to run it's not like they're gonna track you down there's not going to track you down. There's not going to be a man on. But you better

get the fuck out of town or the sheriff's going to come and get you and prosecute you. An inside man humiliating police departments? I'm all in favor of that. I think it's funny too, but there's some deaf people out there that might know where fucking suspects are. Yeah, but they got fucking close connection. 100 bucks an hour. Can we hire a sign language interpreter for

PKA 600? Yes, absolutely we can. But we will not pay $100 an hour. I refuse. We would like a cut rate. We're not even going to save $30. I'm not paying full price for some person that can't even fucking hear my instructions. All right?

There's no law against paying them less. Wait, what makes you think they can't hear? Yeah, they have to be able to hear. No, I want a deaf person. No, no, no. I will only accept a deaf person. Okay, then it's a cut rate. That's fine.

That makes sense. Because they have to read our lips then. So then it gets all weird and wonky. It's never going to be right. What if each of us gets our own? This is so expensive. I want my own. Now I have a budget.

I want a hot one. I'm just going to hire a friend to pretend. Let's just do that. You know what? You mentioned lip reading. I thought that was a much bigger part of deaf people's lives. Maybe through, probably through Hollywood and media. I thought they could just kind of look.

Yeah, through Seinfeld. Exactly. I thought that they could look and read look. Yeah, through Seinfeld. Exactly. I thought that they could look and read what you were saying through lips. Apparently, not at all. Not at all. They can pick out certain vowel sounds and certain consonant sounds, but they can't, unless you're saying a common phrase and speaking slowly, they can't even do that.

Which sucks. I think it's an assist. Like, maybe they have bad hearing hearing but if you combine it with lip rip leading they get closer and if you combine it or if you combine it with like a little bit of signing like like if you're a person who um who is like us i don't know what you call it when a person can hear i'm sure there's some like term some phrase that's like a hearing person if it's derogatory if your ears work then um all these earrings then maybe you're speaking the words as you're signing them and a little bit of context from the lip reading and

the signing it all sort of melts together the same way like it's not as if i'm sure it's a lot easier for all of us to have this type of conversation where we can see each other's body language and lips move a little bit you can pick out context and stuff then just an audio call like i'm for sure i was on an audio call trying to like pay a credit card the other day and it was just like ma'am i can't understand a fucking thing you say pay it off all of it she's like and i'm just like listen i can't understand a fucking thing you're saying i'm cursing now at the and i at this point i realize discover is not going to like me as much. I'm just like,

I can't understand anything you say, but please authorize, pay it completely off. All of it. All of it. There's not even supposed to be a balance. All of it. I start giving advice in that situation. I'd absolutely be saying like,

man, is your mic located in front of your mouth or perhaps by your neck somewhere she was she was indian and she was in india and she had a bad microphone and i probably had a bad connection too i um somehow or another i signed up for a credit card that has like um like a fee and so like those every now and then i'm like it's it's like oh you gotta pay your credit and i'm like i've never used that car and i keep then I'm like, it's like, oh, you got to pay your credit. And I'm like, I've never used that car. And I keep forgetting to cancel it. And it's costing me like tiny amounts of money.

You got to cancel it. That's like having an extra downgraded. I think canceling is bad for your credit. I know you guys do churning. It's got to go. What is churning? Churning is when you sign up for new credit cards to get the 50,000 miles. If you spend a thousand bucks and then as soon as you just never use that card again and sign up for another one so i do it as much as i can um so i

do it great with delta um i i so because because i already am like whatever a platinum member or some nonsense and i got a shit ton of miles so i try to get as many miles stacked as possible and like keep that rolling because at some point i just won't have to pay for flights anymore um especially when you combine cash and flights, they give you a nice mix. So yeah, I do that as much as I can. Whenever I see a credit card that will do miles for Delta, I get it.

I'm like, oh yeah, I stock up on whatever I need, whatever I was going to buy anyway and cancel that fucker. I cancel them all the time. I think it is bad for your credit, but it's one of those wounds that heals rather quickly. I didn't know canceling a credit card was bad for your credit. Everything's bad for your credit.

Spending money, making money, getting credit cards, not using your credit card, it's all fucking bad. They want you to use 5% of your credit card credit or something like that, and then make sure you pay it back, though. But not all of it. And it's like, I got to really write a fine line to make people happy with my credit. Is it making my credit worse that I pay it off in its entirety every month for my credit card?

I pay mine off entirely almost all the time. I think the answer is yes. They would rather you have a lot of debt that you slow a balance that you paid off over time but they can suck a dick also like your finances are better and i suspect you pay your bills on time and your credit is not a concern i caught my girlfriend doing that recently having a balance because she's no no no we'll allow that as a mexican having a balance i'm like whoa what what is this what's going on she's like well it's bad for your credit if you uh pay it all off like what do you fucking

building credit for exactly are we yeah are you planning to move out soon what's uh pay it off yeah i've always paid mine off my entire life i paid off my credit card in full and my yep my credit score is really high yeah exactly the reason i got a credit card wasn't because i needed more income or spending power it was for the credit rating so i just let mostly let them sit there and if there's some kind of reward thing i'll tell you that the credit card that we all use the most is going to be the amazon fucking credit card that's synchrony whatever the fuck it is um because you're getting five percent on everything and it's like you can't beat that like you're going to be five percent off deals with the free shipping and everything like this

is why base is going to rule the world it's shit like that it's like i feel like i'm losing money sometimes if i don't do my do business with amazon it's like well i could get it here but then i gotta pay eight dollars for shipping and I've got, and I'm not saving that extra 5%. Is that true? Have you looked and made sure they're giving 5% back? Cause I never have. You save 5% right off the top of everything.

Oh, you do. It's a 5% discount when you use that card. So I just have that card as my auto thing for Amazon. Yeah. Also, um, pay it off.

Every once in a blue moon something goes wrong and amazon's customer support has been flawless so good so good it's not even customer support they don't try to get to the bottom of your problem because they've got a they've got a pocketbook they're like oh did your 500 piece of equipment go missing dang would you like 500 cash or like a new one tomorrow? And it's like, well, what if I was lying? Then I'd just have two of them. You sure would.

Well, and like you've said before, Kyle, I'm convinced they have people like probably the four of us who spend so much money on Amazon that when they're answering something, they're like, oh, this is a premium user. They spend so much. Give them whatever they want. It's a long-term gain for us.

Who cares if it's $500? I've never looked at what it is, but I would estimate it's a couple grand a month, average at least, forever, because it's everything. It's all of my things. I get my vitamins from there. I get my aspirin from there. Anything that can be gotten from there, I'll get it from there. I get paper towels from there sometimes because they've got a cool brand that's cheap and i feel like the grocery

store rips you off for paper towels i know that sounds silly but look at how much one of those mega rolls of paper towels cost it's like 40 fucking dollars for paper towels oh dude paper towels and toilet paper the prices are ridiculous right now like to get like a 28 pack of toilet paper from just a normal grocery store a week or two ago it was 38 that's what i was that's what it was it was 38 for this roll of paper towels i was looking at last night more than a dollar a fucking roll and i was just like i'm not gonna no fuck you i'm gonna order off of amazon and it was cheaper yeah what if i'm so like this is this is to your fitness thing kyle i've been curious

there's you know hypothetical situation there's a supply line shut down the the ingredients needed for trt are unavailable you're you're you're on backlog you're waiting what do you do to like mitigate that you just keep working out as normal? Do they have other things you can take or you just gotta wait and go through that horrible T depression thing? It's just a scenario that couldn't happen, really. If that happens, then

I don't care about my TRT because I also don't have water and gasoline. Because it's so readily available, so easily manufactured, so cheap, and I keep a three to six month supply. I've got vials and vials of it in there. When I order, I just go ahead and order $600 or $800 worth, and I've got enough for almost a year. Is it liquid?

Yeah, it's just liquid testosterone I inject into my deltoid. Can you OD on testosterone? You can mess up your endocrinology you know you can you can mess up your your body chemistry to the point where like you're causing serious harm to yourself but like i don't know like if i injected like an entire vial which is like five milliliters so it's like a thousand milligrams or something like that no it's 200 per milliliter yeah five mils yeah so a thousand milligram how long have you been on this um a year and six months or so i'm trying to gauge whether i want to i'll do anything that somebody hands me a baggie of in the desert i will do but for some reason like this chemical makes me nervous because it's

like you want to see improvement you want to see my gear bro bro? Kind of, yeah. Well, I'm looking like a year and a half. You don't seem fucked up or whatever. Oh, no, no. Dude, I get a regular blood. I'll talk about the health thing. I'm super healthy. How's your erection going? That's what I really want to know about.

Turgid. Turgid. What is Tadalafil? Tadalafil is it, right? That's the Cialis? Yeah. He takes Tadalafil every day, right? That's the Cialis? Yeah. He takes Tadalafil every day. Oh, dear.

Okay. So Tadalafil, before it was an erection drug, it was a drug that expanded your veins and arteries. Oh, wow. So it manages high blood pressure. High blood pressure becomes normal blood pressure because your volume increases. So that's why he takes it. As a side bonus, I got to say, awesome cock.

Hard as hell. Little balls. You guys have seen his cock too. I'm a good joke. When his balls swing and they hit my balls, it's more of a tinny sound than shrunk sound. I don't know maybe he's

got a super vascular cock that he wants to show off it is super vascular and when you get down to like single digit body fat like your dick gets longer like you literally like grows a like a fucking inch because there's no fat left on your fucking body no i get testosterone um like in these little vials like this okay um super du cheap. I think this is like five milliliters. And then I think it's five. Maybe I'll inject my dog with it to try it out and see how she reacts. Well, don't do it to her.

See how she reacts. Is she going to get hair in a weird place? What's going to happen? She just becomes angrier. She gets more whiskers. I pull it out of here with this because the uh it it goes faster and then i i store a little bit in here you know there's this needle is like i can't remember the gauge but it's it's a it's a pretty healthy needle i uh it would it would sting if you were injecting yourself with these so i don't um so what i do is

i i kind of keep a little bit in here and then i get one of these insulin syringes these pins and you just pull the back completely out you take this fill it up to however much you're going to inject and then do put the plunger in the solution comes down you're able to like oh yeah i got a little bit too much and then you just do the the reverse you just inject and into here and and now you've got your dose whatever whatever it is like a little scientist and you just pop yourself like right here in the shoulder right there and it doesn't hurt a bit because this needle is fucking nothing yeah the diabetic one yeah how many guys are doing this do you think think? Like, what percentage of men? Oh, like, I think it's a real trendy thing to do right now. I think the same, like, the same group of guys who, like, I don't know,

are, like, 30-plus and, like, want to look good and, like, are, like, willing to spend the money. The same guys who would get, like, hair transplants and all that stuff are also into this. Like, anytime you see a guy who's just way too jacked and he's just a little bit too old to be that jack, it's that. Like Jeff Bezos. Like Jeff Bezos, looking like a fucking

supervillain with his arms crossed. Bro, you shouldn't have biceps. You should have that fat thing down here that dangles. You should have a bingo wing. But I'll say this, if you're considering it, you could go through the same people could go through um

um the same people i go through it's about i'm just going to use like rough medium numbers like i may be off 50 or 100 up and down but to get started it's like 750 bucks thereafter if you're just doing testosterone and maybe something to make sure that that beautiful hair of yours stays where it is then it's going to cost you like three dollars a day or something like that tops even less not less than that two dollars a day something like that like it's it's so little it's so little because i you know i buy a bunch at a time which doesn't change the price but i know i'm not going to run out and i just stack my stuff and i stay on the same dose and i don't have any health issues.

I do a regular blood test like every six to eight weeks or something like that. Make sure I'm not messing up. For what? Why do you do blood tests? Just to make sure that everything's going okay. I do them way more than a normal person should do. I've never done a blood test. Never.

Well, you should. They'll get your cholesterol levels. You'd get your testosterone. If you wanted to do this, the first thing you do is a blood test and they find out what your current testosterone levels are and uh and and then that's how they're going to figure out a dose you know because like maybe you're like off the chain already like some kind of a goddamn olympic athlete or maybe like or maybe it's like probably probably so elite that you'd have to go on a testosterone diminishment therapy i mean you don't i mean you don't look like someone who needs any help uh but uh but the way that the way that that sort of thing is done though it's it's more about the affiliate code

yeah i don't know kyle he's only benching 235 for reps i mean he's he's not even he's not even the second strongest person with bench on this call. What do you dominate those numbers? But what do you weigh Dick? Like, like, like that matter. Oh God. 200 pounds.

I've weighed about 200 pounds for years. I got to go count the weights in the garage. Nevermind. I was, I thought you're going to be like, like 145, man. And I was going to be like,

see, this guy's got us beat. He's doing okay. Well, you're still a real strong guy. You're in like the top 5% of like dudes walking around. You're like my see, this guy's got us beat. He's doing... You're still a real strong guy. You're in the top 5% of dudes walking around. You're like my age, right? Like 35 or so? No, 41.

You look good. Thank you. I got a lot of Vaseline in the camera. I didn't keep a smurf or anything. No. I know. He made you his bitch. You get a little juice in your system,

those Antifa boys are going to be backing down. I won't get knocked over then. You can't work your way out to be big enough to resist a lock and a sock. That was just his imagination. That was my imagination. If I hadn't skipped leg day so much, I probably wouldn't have moved.

But as it stands, i got chicken legs down here so no it's always right over look it's really cool stuff i sing its praises uh i've got my family members on it um that's that's how safe i think it is um yeah you know you're doing a replacement dose of a bioidentical chemical that's a fancy way of saying you're not injecting fucking plutonium in yourself you're you're putting a little more of something that you already had. You're just making yourself 19 again. You're making yourself 19 again. Yeah.

So like sex drive goes crazy. Do women know that? Do they know that I'm 19 again? You have to tell them. Yeah, you smell like a 19-year-old. Your dick is so hard. It's like a 19-year-old's dick. Yeah.

Kyle used to put in our texts, he's like, I am so fucking horny. Like, I can't fuck enough to stop being horny. My tea is so high. And so it'd be like, hey, Kyle, you want to play Magic the Gathering tonight? And he'd be like, no, I'm having another Tinder girl over. And it's like, didn't you have one earlier today? And he's like, I can't stop fucking.

I can't stop fucking. I'm so horny. But best of all, neither can they. I don't know if that's can they i don't know if that's true i don't know you could teach them to play magic that's some sort of propaganda yeah um yeah your sex drive will go way way up and uh you'll be oh i don't want that well um and and obviously like you just get you just get stronger easier you. You stay leaner, easier. Everything's easier. All the stuff that you want to be good,

it's just making you a superman. It really is. Nobody wants to say that. It's the masculine sex hormone, right? It's chemical man, and you're adding some more chemical man to your mixture. You're just better at stuff.

I just feel better. I feel good. I don't know how else to put it just a general sense of well-being that i that i seem to have had for the last year that i felt a lot better about little things don't bother me as much um and uh and it's fun when people pay you compliments like in the wild because like as men we don't get that very often it's almost always men but occasionally it's like women and it's not some like sleazy thing it's usually like like um who was that guy i was a guy delivering my groceries he's like i want some arms like yours god damn what are you doing bro just keep delivering groceries my friend that's where your arms are so big you could probably move these groceries and uh and i'm the first one like if i'm at the gym and i see somebody's like killing it to like

give them a compliment because i know how good those compliments feel so whenever i see somebody who's like working super hard or somebody who's just like looking super good while they're working hard i'm like you're killing it you look great i told this black woman that the other morning and she did she looked like a fucking stallion over there she she was like doing dumbbell work like really well like a good muscle memory and she was so every muscle on her body was toned up she looked like red sonja remember that arnold schwarzenegger uh barbarian movie conan the barbarian like he had that black chick with him she was almost that muscular she was so fucking ripped up and i was like wow you look great she's like thanks you looking good too and i'm like yeah

we both thought and then ebony and ivory started playing over you want to make you want to make a gym you want to make a fucking biracial super child right now fuck yeah fuck yeah let's make those fatties watch us do it and And that's how I met Monique. It's going to be a spring wedding. That would be the funniest plot line ever if you got married to a gym bitch that you saw and were just so impressed by her. Like a big yoked black

woman. And we started streaming together and stuff. Oh, that'd be great. This is the future. I'm doing this. I'm going to smoke this Delta 8 pre--roll i just wanted to make sure if i knew it wasn't weed or a cigarette before i smoked it these are fucking cool though he started lighting one of those on pkn and i thought he started smoking cigs again but no it's barely legal hemp smokes yeah i've seen those so like that i i don't know whether it's delta eight weed and sprayed

with cbd or if it's Delta-8 weed and sprayed with CBD or if it's CBD sprayed with Delta-8. I think you're having a hard time seeing it, but it's like you can't. It's spritzed with a chemical that you can see has been spritzed on there. Like, you can see stains all over the paper. Are you, like, from the future? Do you have any natural things anymore? You got chemical cigarettes?

You're injecting yourself with God juice? Oh, this isn't even the only thing i inject myself i didn't grab the big vial so i inject myself with l-carnitine uh every day a full milliliter so with testosterone i do this little baby dose like something like that but with uh l-carnitine i do the full fucking shot in my ass every day oh my god yeah that's good stuff that's that's just a um that's like a vitamin it's got a lot of good things that it does for you, but it's not fucking with my body chemistry to any scary way.

But there's plenty of stuff that you could do. You, Dick, could turn into a frightening thing to look at in like eight months. You've already got such a good base that if you went hard for eight months on the juice, you would be scary scary like you would look better than I looked in those pictures would I have to give up drugs and alcohol though no how much alcohol a

lot I think then with the alcohol become like a calorie discussion like yeah I don't care about like drugs and alcohol as far as your body chemistry it's literally all the calories. It's that nine-calorie shot. Okay.

So you could do white claws and- Think of the alcohol as your carbs. I'll just switch to acid. Think of alcohol as carbs and refined. Yeah, that's a lateral move. Yeah, it is. Dare doesn't want you to know that. Big Liquor doesn't want you to know that, but it is.

I've never done acid is oh dude acid oh the move this is this will change if you're dealing with liquor issues in your life this will change your life you'd get a uh i got a big water bottle in the fridge and i drop like two or three hits in it and i got it dosed so that a shot, a regular shot, when you come out, it's like a buzz of a beer. So if I'm, and it'll last for hours. So if I'm going to a Dodger game, I'll line up three shots of my diluted acid water, pop three shots, head to the Dodger game.

I'll have two beers, two $20 beers at the Dodger game. And it's like as good as, it's as good as getting shit-faced. You don't overdo it. You're a lot more mellow, but you're still enjoying baseball. That's the measure of any drug is, does it make me enjoy baseball? Yes. Sign me up. Dude, a drug must be amazing if it makes you enjoy $20 beers.

Yeah, and baseball. But only two of them. Usually I'm good for seven. Like, oh, this is fucking miserable. I got to go buy another $20 beer. That's an expensive baseball game. Yeah, they're so expensive. It's no good.

No. Do you like acid? Oh, yeah. I love acid. What's the most you've ever taken? Just one or two. It'll last you like 12 hours. You know, it makes your...

Have any of you done acid? I've done acid. You've done acid? It makes my... It's either just like a totally chill fear and loathing experience. I don't see anything or anything crazy like that. Like blinking, you'll see a bunch of like demons and spiders and stuff. But as long as your eyes are open, you're fine.

You don't see stuff moving? You don't see like... Demons and spiders and stuff. I long as your eyes are open you're fine you don't see stuff moving you don't see like spiders i'll see like stucco will undulate and like that sort of breathing pulsate pulsating yeah yeah but you have to look at it it's it's not like you're getting like ah all these fucking posters are coming alive and getting me if i don't if i don't stop and look at it then it won't be there but if i stop and i look at it, then it won't be there. But if I stop and I look for it, almost, it's there. So a TV that's paused might look like it's still playing. Or a cell phone might have wiggly bits around the perimeter or something like that. I took a lot. I took four.

And the sky was breathing. And it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. That's the best drug. That's the best drug. I agree. The only bad time I ever had on it was I did a bunch of ass and I took my dog to the dog park. And a bunch of these fucking kids were there screaming and hollering and trying to pet my dog and fucking with my dog with sticks and it was

like it was turned into this weird uh like oil painting like oil painting nailed it yeah that that's the aesthetic that that acid plays up is this oil painting thing this sort yeah yeah like you know how brush strokes are in oil painting like when i would look at my phone it would have these sort of scallops of that oil painting color wiggling around the perimeter sort of how like a fancy painting has that border that it's framed in and it has those little scalloped shapes of like you know maybe just brush strokes or something or maybe it's usually wood that's been like uh notched out or something with like a hand tool to make it decorative but my phone had those and they were fucking wiggling around and shit but i was still like plenty sober enough at least

mentally speaking to be like so uh right now my phone has uh some oil painting bits around the perimeter that's weird like like yeah like i'm not like wasted out of my mind like not knowing what's going on or being so you're still with it enough to be like, oh, what I'm looking at is clearly because I took acid. Oh, yeah, I know. I'm like, well, this much acid makes things look very odd, doesn't it? Very odd indeed. It turns you into a bit of an asshole, too. Like, oh, my, what a sophisticated experience we're having right here.

It will make you a little meta overly meta intolerably meta it may you will never laugh harder you'll never laugh fucking harder i've never laughed harder um and uh it was it was very very funny and uh i watched uh i watched some animation like some of the classic shit like alice in wonderland and um and maybe fantasia and it was it was fucking great um there was there was another person there on acid and they were freaking out like having a minor like I called it like white girl having her

third like Mike's hard lemonade drum but it was that reaction and I kept saying I'm like you're like a white girl who's had her third fucking Mike's dude chill the fuck up chill the fuck out like we're all come on chill the fuck out. Come on. Chill the fuck out. We're all on acid.

But the floor's moving. Yeah, it's moving for us all. Chill the fuck out. We all see the floor moving and we're enjoying it. Stop being weird. With the amount you guys were doing, you don't need a babysitter or anything. You can just go about your life. You're not getting

sculled off of it or anything. No. If we'd had to deal with any adult shit i mean that wouldn't have been good but i did it at night um and i didn't have any adult shit to do but if like somebody came to my door and needed me to like fill out a form or like give them some fucking information i'd have it'd have been weird i think i'd have gotten it done but they'd have been like that guy's fucking weird huh like you see i was licking his nose he kept like he touched his nose with his tongue three times and then look around like a lizard it was weird and meanwhile i'm like seeing flies around me and i am a lizard in my mind or something like i'm trying to catch him no i accidentally did uh some acid and then had to interview uh Onision on the kill stream.

Did I tell you guys this story? No, you did not. Oh, I didn't? Oh, you know who Onision is, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's kind of a big guy. It was right, okay, it was right when Chris Hansen tried to fuck him over. Chris Hansen had, you know, the Chris Hansen in Catch a Predator.

He was on the show. Oh, he was. So he had led a year-long thing of uncovering Onision's predatory whatever. And I don't know that much about the guy. But I was busting his balls on Twitter saying, oh, you should call into the Killstream, right? And we'll show Chris Hansen. Because Chris Hansen wanted to not do it live and record it and then release it later and it's like no don't no one's gonna do that come on you're gonna make him look like an idiot we know how the news works uh so i said oh

you should come on twitter and then i popped in some acid i'm like three three three uh and about uh two hours later right when it kicks in i get a text from somebody saying like oh can't wait to see you interviewing onision tonight on the kill stream i said oh no so i said honey uh i told her about this she gets home from work i'm like oh yeah and she's like oh that's great i'm like no i did a bunch of acid like two hours ago how much how much did you do? Just one. Just one. Yeah. So I said, can you go to the store and can you go to the drugstore and get me some Ipecac so I can throw it up? And she's like, what's that? I'm like, I don't know.

I saw a family guy where they drank Ipecac and they all started throwing up. And it's like a thing that you drink and it makes you throw up. And she's like a thing that you drink and it makes you throw up just like okay so i start trying to make myself throw up uh because it's not hit me yet all right there's like a half hour or something i can still get this up i imagine the little thing floating around in my stomach and it's like slowly getting it out i gotta get this fucking thing out of here just so everybody's clear it's already gone all over yeah over over. Yeah, over. Over. Over. So I'm like desperately trying. I have my whole fucking hand in my mouth.

I'm trying to gut a fish or stuff a turkey. I'm like, why isn't this working? How do girls do this? I can't make myself throw up. I'm just throwing up bile kind of down my hand. She comes back. I'm slumped over on the toilet, just like drenched in sweat. And she goes, the guy at CVS said they stopped making Ipecac like 30 years ago or in the 70s or something. Do you want the home remedy?

What is it? Sucking a long dick. Please tell me it's sucking a long dick. Rotten. I know it makes you vomit. It's very salty water. I tried that too. The next thing she did, she's like, I looked it up. It's very salty water. I tried that too. The next thing she did, she's like, I looked it up.

It's salty water. I'm like, okay, fucking bring on the salt. Let's go. Salt, milk, everything. I'm chugging it. And finally, I'm like, this is just disgusting at this point. It's just piled on top of the acid. So you have to do the acid with all that salt.

And the acid. And the acid. And the acid. I just imagine your lips are parched. You're so dehydrated, but you're seeing shit, too. So five hours later, I'm on this call with fucking Onision with my bathrobe tied. I'm totally naked because I'm sweating like a fucking maniac. I'm so worried about, like, you know, thousands of people are listening to, this is, like, the interview that Chris Hansen couldn't get. And, i'm not just gonna say hey uh ralph i cancel like i'm i

did too much as i'm like i'm gonna fucking nail this here we go here we go so i tie my bathrobe around my i'm sitting right here i time the lights are all off my i'm looking at my phone all the buttons are like you know like you were saying that they do yep and i'm just trying to do this interview and not giggle and sound like pretend normal like oh so you're saying this he's talking about all these horrible like he's talking about he starts talking about how when his when his kid like his kid walked out the window of his house or something is some kind of I guess it was his horrible tragedy and then he's talking about how he like heard a demon laughing or something. And I just couldn't contain myself.

I'm like, what do you mean? I heard it. You heard a demon when your kid walked out the window of your house? Like, I start laughing. And everybody on the, I can tell that they're horrified because they're like, why are you fucking saying that? Why are you calling him out on this demon thing about his kid? And I'm like, because it's fucking retarded. I don't know what you want me to say! He's talking to

he's trying to like tell the story of a demon talking to him after his kid died and then Keemstar jumps on and I'm like, oh my fucking god! I'm like am I doing a good job? She's like, well, you're sweating a lot. Okay.

So I'm busting his balls and I'm trying not to bust his balls so much that he just leaves, but he's kind of like, I don't know if you guys have a relationship with Onision, but he's weird. I was on acid, so what do I know? But he seems like a real weird fuck. I bet he thinks you're just a normal guy. Yeah, oh yeah.

And so the interview's done, and Chris Hansen, they were busting Chris Hansen's balls so Chris Hansen takes a picture gets his Emmy out puts it on his coffee table takes a picture and sends it to me he's like well this is what I fuck you guys interview this is what I got and I'm like okay hey everybody listening I got I got a secret to tell you guys I did I did a bunch of acid after he after saying he should come on and I didn't I've been keeping it a secret to tell you guys uh i did i did a bunch of acid after he after saying he should come on and i i didn't i've been keeping it a secret this whole time so and meanwhile you're like not convincing at all you're just yeah i know like i don't know if you guys know this but i'm really fucking wasted on my house did his kid get hurt or die or something by falling out of a window yeah i think i don't know i just heard it at that moment on the show

i didn't never looked if it was that happened in my friend's family and the kid was totally fine so that the window had a screen in it and the kid was like two and a half yeah it pushed the screen out the kid fell out rode the screen, landed in like bushes and stuff. And it served as like a trampoline at the bottom. Not a bouncy thing, but like maybe the scene where the adults grab the. Indiana Jones 2. Did that happen? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's Temple of Doom. Yeah, that's Temple of Doom. And they fell out in the raft. Yep. Yeah, that's Temple of Doom. Yeah, that's Temple of Doom. And they fell out in the raft. Yep.

So, well, anyway, the effect of the trampoline hitting the bushes and everything, the kid just, like, gentle landed and kept walking. That's pretty cool. Oh, wow. Yeah. There was no demons involved in that? Not that I know of, no. I still think the most important thing that we ever came up with on this show, the most important fact,

that we got our hands wrapped around here, the work that we do here, of all the good work that we do here, I think this might be the best. It was when we discovered that cats can't die from being thrown off of high places. We didn't confirm this. Shut up. That is not what we learned. We've got enough fans out there. We didn't confirm this. Shut up. No, we learned.

We've got enough fans out there. We'll get it confirmed. So basically you take a cat and you throw it off of whatever, you know, high place. And the thing is the terminal velocity of a cat is, it's been calculated, you know. Let's just call it 87 miles per hour. Let's just round number.

I can't possibly beat that fast. I mean, I think it's like 150 for a person, isn't it? Well, it's a cat. Cat go faster? No. No? Slower. I feel like it would be going slower.

It's spreading its body out. It's built for that, right? It's fuzzy. So the thing is that a cat can't fall fast enough to die. The terminal velocity of a cat. There's a death no there's a death zone what you're saying is kind of right if they there's a zone that it's more dangerous for them but then once you get it's like four or five stories but once you go past it they're more

and more safer because they have they need time to ratchet their body around to spread like they instinctively spread their shit out but if they don't have yeah yeah yeah if they don't have time to ratchet then they just hit on their side and they're dead so a cat it's it's it's better to drop a cat like 20 feet than it is like like like six feet maybe because then maybe it can't get twisted all the way around because it does this corkscrew thing with its tail they've shown in slow motion it's pretty ingenious but what i'm getting at six feet you could throw one from 600 feet is what i'm saying that's what's yes 600 feet cat's fine cat's fine just put a fucking gopro on a tabby and and somebody get

up on that st louis arch taylor will be there i got a paramount i'll be there to watch yeah you've got the gopro might throw off the weight i don't know if we're gonna need two cats that would be so bullshit if they threw a cat off the arch of the gopro kyle be like it was because of the gopro that it was like what it would be like all right we're at 2500 feet and release and the cat will go right into the prop oh turns out kyle was wrong as you see, the cat is very dead. And soon I will be too. You don't think the paramotor could chew up a cat and keep on going?

It would definitely be fine. I don't even need to turn it off and land without it. I love that. It would definitely be fine. If you were falling from a super high height, there has to be... You know, you saw those people jumping out of the towers on 9-11 like yeah there is there's definitely a thought in that person's mind as they're falling i'm just picking a tower people jumped out of any tower the happiness tower

yeah it could have been the north or the south tower don't get all hung up on which tower it is like you know like i know that if i jumped out of a tower like that or tower one or two kyle don't get all hung up on which tower it is like you know like i know that if i jumped out of a tower like that or a building or something like part of me would think like how do i maneuver to survive like you would in your in your like brain it's just an un you would know in a logical way you're not going to survive but like that survival instinct is gonna be like how do i fall to make sure i kind of live and then you die no i would absolutely be like i've got two minutes of life left how much fun can we have what should we aim for where should we go how can i figure out how to like wingsuit this shit i don't know take your clothes off now no i feel like if you worked in some sort

of like if what if you had access to the interior of a sporting goods store? Do you think you could fashion yourself some sort of parachute device that you might think would only cripple you at the bottom of, say, 100 stories? Out of an office building? Out of a sporting goods store. Could we get a couple of tents together

and some fucking rope and make something happen? Can we slow ourselves down enough to only break a few legs what about like two surfboards tie them up so it's like a raft in the sky so you could glide with that yes you want something heavy and solid yeah yeah i want something that's long and very thin and unwieldy so when the wind catches it it's just it's gone yeah to woody's point like you'd want to spend like the most fun you could in the last two minutes i bet there was

a lot of sexual harassment at the end a lot of people some creep from accounting finally being like here's my chance to go to go grope the h lady. How bad does it feel when you and the HR lady are holding each other, shielding yourselves from the flames? You're like, if we get out of here, you think maybe Friday night? Because this was a Tuesday.

No, I'm not feeling it. I'm surfing her down. I'm surfing her down. I'm wearing her. I feel'm surfing her down. I'm wearing her. I feel like she gives me a decent shot. A better shot than going naked. I'm not hitting the floor raw. That's all I'm saying.

I'm bringing something with me. Definitely not raw. That'll kill you. Yeah. A desk? No. I feel like if you gave me a night with the supplies that are in my home, I could fashion together a parachute that would have saved me in the Twin Towers.

I definitely could. Well, you have parachutes! I've got like eight parachutes and ten wings. You're like, not only would I survive, I'd do it in style. So I'd start by... You're the one guy that shows up for work that Tuesday with a paramotor on.

I got tandem gear, Kyle. We could both survive this. Well, if you're going to have attitude, I'm gone. I think you'd have a hard time taking off out of an office building, though. You'd have to be at the top, right? At the very top so you can get a running start.

No, then that updraft is going to catch you. You want the prop or whatever behind, not the prop, the wing behind you. So like taking off off the top of a building, just like escaping the point, that would be the easiest. I would just use the reserve and just get out.

I think... Oh, where you head to Staten Island? You're like, fuck you guys, I'm out. You're not dying. I'm getting into the details here, but I can definitely jump out of a window with the wing and have it expand and fix it. I'm getting into the details here. I can definitely jump out of a window with a wing and have it expand and fix it. I'm pretty sure. People do it out of helicopters

and planes and shit. There's only one way to find out. Yeah. Woody needs to go to the Freedom Tower and jump off and see if he can survive. You show up in the street down below the Freedom Tower and just try to gain access while wearing that gear

and record it, and that's a big video. Just show up in the street down below the freedom tower and just try to gain access while wearing that gear and record it and that's a big video like just just show me like today we're gonna call the video paramotoring off the top of the freedom tower and then just without any preparation begin your day attempting to do that just just walking in the ground floor wearing the full gear and be like yeah so i'm gonna i'm gonna go up the top today and take off um i think i'm trying to make it to Jersey. I think I can do it with that much elevation. I mean, I don't have to burn the fuel to get in the elevation, right? I think I can do it.

You need that hike and fly gear that looks like a backpack, right? So you just wear that up. That's hike and fly. That's a good prank. That's a good prank. It's like a proposal. She said no. No!

And then you fucked up. that's a good prank it's like a proposal she said no no give her lifelong trauma thinking you killed yourself cut yourself off delete your social fully commit so before we jump to whatever our next thing is we're gonna hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors this episode of pka is brought to you by Lucy. Lucy Nicotine is a company founded by Caltech scientists and former smokers looking for a better and cleaner nicotine alternative. Finally, tobacco alternatives that don't suck. Research and develop for three years to be made for people, not patients. Lucy has created a nicotine gum with four milligrams of nicotine that comes in three flavors, wintergreen, cinnamon, and pomegranate. Lucy also has a lozenge with four milligrams of nicotine and cherry ice flavor.

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It absolutely is. That is a me. That is a me ingredient. I added the pre-cum. I was taking it, Pygeum is the pre-cum ingredient. It absolutely is. That is a me. That is a me ingredient. I added the pre-cum. I was taking Pygeum. I found the Pygeum. I found the Pygeum. And I went heavy with it, too.

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You're going to love it. Just, you know you know come like a man i want some of this we gotta we gotta ship you some oh if you want some are you the other the other week we were on the show and and drifter or someone mentioned like i want to try some of this filthy was like i want to try some of this cum supplement and kyle was like oh honestly if you just click that link below you can buy it i was like oh yeah oh if you want some just let me know and then after the show i'll send you the link to buy it i'll say you send him the public link yeah we need to get dick some some cum pills because I know you will experience a volume increase and then you're going to

talk about it on your show. You're going to get people on the cum stack. We're going to hook you up with some cum pills. It's fucking cool. It works. It's hilarious. I feel like it's the perfect product for what we do here. It's just hilarious. It's funny. It's a joke, but it actually works. And that's funny, too, because people really are blowing big loads on their girlfriends and shit.

And I want more pictures of those. You guys aren't sending me nearly enough load videos for my liking. And, of course, you send them to business at pkaonline.com. That is my email. That's how you reach me. Anything you want to send to me, that's where you send it. Or Woody's address. You see Woody's gamer tag at gmail.com.

I want to see it. You know what's funny? Getting DMs from people. It doesn't happen anymore. I don't check DMs too often. I'll get a DM and their question is for me to ask kyle a question and get back to them and it's like what you just so you clearly messaged you messaged kyle and then we're like oh well he's too busy let's hit up this fat-headed idiot and see if he'll relay this

and then i'll be like hey josh i got a lot i got a lot of good information on you from Kyle's answer. Like, I'm going to relay that? No, I'm not relaying fucking information. Let's do it. Find one of these questions for me. Let's do one. I get those all the time for you guys. When you go on, will you ask them about the Patreon? I'm like, no.

Will you ask if Kyle's kidding? Fuck you. That was their answer asked i asked them off the show they said fuck you i read your username and they said fuck you smleedblark27 or whatever it is no i said they don't care i usually answer all my dms um that i can get to some of them there's one guy that messaged me a lot i won't call you out buddy but like we he and i both know but like occasionally he gets really really fucking high and he sends me like two paragraphs of nonsense and i know not to reply to it but still the next day he comes back and says hey sorry about those two paragraphs of nonsense i was high and i'm like yeah i knew you were high you sent me two paragraphs of nonsense

he's like cool cool thanks for not blocking me again uh try not to send and then the next week Two paragraphs of nonsense. I was high. And I'm like, yeah, I knew you were high. You sent me two paragraphs of nonsense. It's like, cool, cool. Thanks for not blocking me again. Try not to send. And then the next week, it's another two paragraphs of nonsense. It's. I get this a letter. I get a message on Reddit all the time.

Different people all the time. But it follows this format. Woody, you're my favorite host. host now i know everybody else hates you but i i actually think you're funny you take so much shit online i don't think it's deserved nobody likes you at all but i do and that one thing they did that you don't even know about yet oh did you believe it can you believe they went to your hometown and had them name it woody's a faggot they read it like i know you don't know about this yet because it's it's coming though but man you you're really tough through all the the evil and hate that comes your way you probably don't know about a lot of it, but let me just tell you how bad it is, Woody.

But I love you. I get messages in that format all the time. You're my favorite. You probably don't hear that a lot. People don't understand what you bring to the show. Really, no one at all. Just me. So thanks again for entertaining really just me for all these years.

I hate the, I'll get, oh, wow, this was the best episode in a while. Like, you didn't need to put the in a while on. You could have just said it was a good episode that you liked. You didn't need to say, wow, this was the best in a long line of stinkers. This was a good one. That's not a compliment, you fucking idiot. How's that popsicle? Is that some sort of pina colada, maybe coconut?

What do you got? Is it a Mexican fruit? Oh, no. It's because my throat hurts. Those are good. Those are tasty. I used to make those with my own frozen popsicles because apparently I couldn't buy them with low calorie enough, but I would use that cashew milk and sweeteners and fruit and shit and make my own fucking popsicles.

God, that's depressing. Oh, no. Kyle, do you need to be in a program to bring you out of optimizing your life? Well, see, that's a thing that I like to do. That's kind of my personality is optimizing things. I really enjoy that. That's why I've always enjoyed RPG video games where it's a requirement. It's like, oh, the whole world is set up to feed my stupid neuroses.

So that whole diet program and the workout program like that's that's something that i'm pretty good at because i brush my teeth a certain way you know like like no i do it's not necessarily how i brush them it's the order in which i do things you know that there's a very specific order that everything gets done um look it wouldn't bother me to mix it up i just don't but i mean it really wouldn't bother me if like like you know i didn't do in that order i just don't i because that's the most efficient order to do things so my teeth brushing is not efficient at all i like it that way i brush my teeth while i'm taking a shower so like i'll spend 12 minutes on it or something i'm sure you could do it much faster

and a lot less water than a fucking shower for 12 minutes but but uh i don't get cavities and i enjoy the time uh in in my like calculations time is currency so so the the water doesn't matter to me i don't care how much water it takes to if this is the most time efficient uh way to get things done i'm happy about that so i kind of did the same it's it's like the the order in which i would take my fucking supplements or eat my meals or like do specific workouts like all that stuff was like in my head i was like this is like half a percent better if i do it this way but if we do everything that's a half a percent better, by the end we'll have gained 5% that no one can even figure out. That's kind of what I

try to do. I would take these hour-long scalding baths every day because you burn calories in a hot bath. Really? Yeah. Over the course of 11 months, it probably added up to me not having to cut three or four or five pounds or something like that.

Don't you burn more calories in a cold one, like an ice bath than a hot bath? But you're shivering. You're moving around. Yeah, I thought shivering and your body constantly trying to get your body temperature up burns a bunch. I think an hour-long hot bath burns as many calories as a 30-minute walk. And I'm already going. Oh, wow. Yeah, but it's got to be 104 degrees that's too hot

it's about that's about um like like hot hot tub level so like you can show if you're in a hot tub works too if you're in a hot tub for an hour and you drink one beer it like cancels it out right so you i mean calorie wise-wise. But you probably feel a lot worse. Not alcohol-wise. Yeah. So, like, just doing lots of little stupid things like that. Or, you know, like, I'm trying to think. Oh, and, like, between sets, I walk, like, continuously around circles around the gym. Like, I pace around the entire gym.

I never sit down when I work out. So, like, and I use a pedometer. So like in a typical hour, hour and 15 workout, I ended up doing like 4,000 to 5,000 steps like extra on top of like, I, and I already do 10 minute walks after every meal and I eat four meals a day. So that's 40 minutes of walking. I'm doing, so I'm walking like two hours a day continuously.

It's way weirder to work out and then like finish a set and just sit down than it is to pace around like i i don't wait in line because i'm in my basement in my home gym and so i'm never waiting in line if i'm not working out and i'm between sets i'm pacing around constantly always moving yeah there's very few times when i will it's it's only if i actually get like winded by something like if I'm doing something that um I find like um some sort of some of the seated dumbbell work is is uh like gets the gets me breathing hard part of it's because I have to like get it up to this neutral position from the floor and that's a little bit of exertion and I'm really careful when I do it so I'm I feel like I'm like holding my breath when I'm doing I don't want to drop these fucking heavy ass dumbbells but anyway it looks like a, that one kind of takes

the wind out of me if I do. Because then when I put them down, I usually try to set them down politely instead of throwing them because somebody broke the fucking glass the other day. I appreciate that. You're being conscious of everyone around you putting it down lightly. Well, it's not even just

the noise. I've got those rubber hex dumbbells. Yeah, those will bounce. you throw a 75 pound hex dumbbell and it's gonna fucking bounce like like a rubber ball and like break somebody's ankle like eight feet away or something like that i can't wait till you're all in on the home gym master race shit and you're building it and you woody and i couldn't love it more dick loves being a home gym master race member oh yeah dude i don't I don't walk at all. I hate getting up. I just wish I could lay down all day.

It's a wheelchair to get from the squat rack. I have put a projector against my bed projecting onto the ceiling so I don't even have to sit up. I'll just watch TV like that. I don't do that all the time, but I have done that. Yeah, I don't know what to do about the home gym because I'm staying in this place for the time being so i'm still kind of weird about the living

condition whether i'm going to move or not because i am liking this delta eight that works fine um i do want to buy a house but that's kind of you know i don't know for sure if i want to buy in georgia or one of those other two uh two or three states that i was looking at so that's all kind of up in the air and so therefore so is the. I've been looking at other gyms in my area and without giving too much away, there's two like do gyms, I'll call them. Like I've been going to like a 24 hour fitness or whatever. And you know, there's, there's two do gyms nearby where people look scary. And, uh, and I might start going to one of those um i mean you need to you know internalize you're one of those scary looking guys now you belong there these guys look scarier i don't know

these guys look like they got their muscles and what do they have fucking eye patches and one guy's always spitting in that spittoon and he's got a he's got an eye patch and he yeah i don't know they're scary they're scary i don't think of myself as intimidating um i think of myself as like friendly um i i always i'm always smiling at everybody i see in the gym and like no you're baring your teeth at people like a like a chimp ready to fight no i i try to be as like nice as possible at the gym and if anybody ever asks me for help i'm super duper helpful um i try not to be a douchebag at all because i've like known those douchebags at gyms and i've seen them before and i don't ever want to be that person

or be thought of that way um most of the people in my gym are super duper chill though there's this one guy that was just like i don't, mean mugging me one night and like dropping his weights and groaning or something while he deadlifted like 800 fucking pounds over there fucking cretin. That wasn't the fat guy. He's just a giant black man. He's not fat. He's not fit.

Just built. He's just gigantic. He looks like an angry ex-college athlete who can't play because a white cop shot him in the kneecap or something he's blaming me like like he's so intense and big and and i and i'm like oh you're doing legs today i think i'll skip legs today and do like some and like extra work we're this is gonna be grip strength day or something like that because i don't even wish you're equipped with this cocksucker because he's not down i know he's not down he gives me a look i

mean something like i feel like it's a funny stereotype from people who have never gone to the gym that they think that it's like you walk into a gym and it's a bunch of fucking dickhead frat bro douchebags who are just trying to intimidate you and it's like no it's like the exact opposite it's like it's like most hobbies like the exact opposite. It's like, it's like most hobbies. Like if someone, if I'm playing a Friday night magic, which I haven't done in a long time and someone comes in and doesn't know how to play magic, I'm not like you fucking idiot, you dumb ass. Like, I'm like, no, let me teach you how to play magic. This is, you're going to enjoy it. It's a bunch of fun. Same thing in the gym. You're going to run into a lot more cool gym bros who are just excited that someone else is beginning

to enjoy it. Who are like, Oh, you you know what like try it like this or try this workout you might like that like at least that's my experience people are way cooler in the gym than the stereotype of like meathead jerks oh yeah for sure um although like like i said you know i i try to go way after hours um like i don't want anyone to be there if possible. That's why the personal gym thing isn't super interesting. It's really just like, oh, it could be right there in that room. That would be nice. But you could do it at any time of day.

You wouldn't have to go late at night. You can optimize the shit out of that then. Oh, I optimize. See, I moved my sleep schedule around. So here's my sleep schedule for like most of that 11 months. I I went to bed at around five or six a.m. And then so that I would be awake around six p.m. or something like that. So that I could because I tried to sleep 12 hours a day.

So then I can be at the gym at two to three a.m. for my hour, an hour and 15, because I was trying to both avoid COVID and people. Wait, 12 hours of sleep a day? I tried to, yeah, as much as I could. How the fuck do you do that? How do you force yourself to sleep for 12 hours? I would take as many naps as I could. Anytime I wanted a nap, I would absolutely take one, because I read this thing where this guy broke some sort of powerlifting record,

and while he was training for it, he was sleeping 12-plus hours a day throughout the whole training process for like muscle recovery and i thought about it was like this is like when i was trying to like bulk and add muscle it's like all i really care about is getting x amount of calories doing y amount of exercise and the rest is just sleep like yeah is it more responsible to go to sleep like sleep an extra hour every day than just watch tv yeah so i mean don't don't your muscles build and repair while you're asleep while you're asleep yeah i mean it will while you're awake but it's like way more efficient while you're asleep right

i think that's when work gets done i don't know um the the the one thing that i definitely noticed the feeling of was the uh the lactic acid or whatever you want to call it like like muscle burn or muscle soreness like like i don't really get muscle soreness ever unless i go so hard that it's just probably too hard like there's sometimes when i just do so many supersets um and i'm just there for an extra 30 minutes working like biceps or like one individual body part and after and I'm like did I go too hard like I don't even know if that was too much or not like I don't I've never hurt myself I mean on everything you're on like if you get sore you pushed yourself to the fucking limit or if I hit a muscle I haven't been hitting like like and that's like if I like

change to some new exercise and I randomly hit something that i haven't hit quite like that before when i first started doing the pec deck like adding that in it was like oh yeah we're definitely hitting some like stuff that we normally don't hit here by with this motion because they like that at that outside pectoral area yeah yeah like like like like armpit down to nipple yeah like like that sort of that that part of it because the pec is this weird like it's an important area because that gives you like that side definition working area yeah side boob i like that side to it i like the pec deck a lot um that's one of my favorite pieces i would have to have a pec deck if i if i had a home gym i have one it's great yeah i dig it a lot i just i enjoy the burn of it like like like like like really just going until failure on some stuff.

Cables get you close enough. I can't keep, I don't do as a substitute. I worry that like maybe my form gets off sometimes I do the cables as well. I do the cables as well. And so I do this ridiculous little like thing at the end of like that chest day where I do cables, peck deck and, um, um,

butterflies, um, in a super set with no rest in between as fast as I do, do three sets of each butterflies with free weights. Yeah. Free weight butterflies. Then over to the cables for like a very specific, like,

cause you know, the cables can be anywhere. So like, it's a very specific one. Sometimes I'll do them like this, like, like low to high, sometimes high to low sometimes straight across sometimes bend elbows sometimes not just always trying to hit something different and then just immediately over to the pec deck at like 240 pounds or something like that for like sets of 15 to and

then the last set i always go to failure and And sometimes failure is like low 20s, like 22, 23 reps. And I'm like, yeah, nobody's here. We can scream for this. What angle cable crossover, like when I've done cable crossovers, I like the one that's almost like lateral, like you were saying. I feel like that activates the most. Maybe that's like part of physiology that it is activating the most in your chest. And the other ones are more accessory for top or bottom.

I read a lot of those studies or whatever. And I saw that the cables were the second best exercise for chest activation. I think right behind like wide grip bench press or something like that. And so that always stuck to me. But I do different. Like I was saying, like sometimes I'll do, you've just got so many adjustments there. Like, like I can make them, I can make them longer or shorter. Right. So I can be coming from further out or further in the elbows can be bent or not. I can take a step forward. I can take a step back. I can, I can

throw like, sometimes I'll throw an incline, um, bench into the mix and start doing like all sorts of like stuff really slow and just get working muscle activation um i like the cable so much that's one of the reasons again that like a home gym is gonna like pale in comparison to what i have access to up here because like i do a lot of that cable stuff because that and that and not just that you know i do all the all the other cable exercises that are like isolation. I just know, though, if you bought a functional trainer or a cable machine, I guess what you want sounds a lot less like functional trainer and a lot more like a full bar cable crossover machine. You can buy those for your home gym.

I'm aware. You can buy good quality. You can buy a fucking space station. We can't, but we can all buy a cable crossover machine i could i could take some of my jizz money and i could put it in cable crossover machines or i could keep spending whatever i spent 25 a month to have access to six figures worth of exercise equipment but it's a different level of convenience to have that right there aren't any girls i don't think he's looking for convenience though like i want to i want to work out in jeans and no shirt on and sandals.

That's important to me in my workout. I don't think you're going for that, Kyle. I only squat naked. Fully naked. Just me in my Converse flat shoes. Once my scrotum touches the rubber mats, I know I've got that. That's full extension. Look at it.

Look at the scrotum. Look at the scrotum, baby. No, he's not even. If his scrotum wasn't so long, he wouldn't have been hitting the ramp. It's a fake scrotum he's got there. If it was colder, it wouldn't have hit full depth yes well when it's cold out i can't get full range he's telling me to note the scrote it means he wants me to look at his balls because they're touching yeah yeah it's a thing he does

yeah um so yeah i i go back and forth on that uh i would i would like a home gym but i also really enjoy a lot of the things about having to get off my ass and drive down the road and go into a place. And once I'm there, I'm there. And I'm like I've said a couple of times, I've only like quit a workout maybe twice, three times possibly. And I and every time I was vomiting and like it was like low blood sugar vomiting because I was experimenting with some stuff and some diet stuff and it didn't work out. And I just had to go home. What were you experimenting with that made it fucked up for you? Dropping my blood sugar.

Really, my glucose levels extremely low before the workout. And that just like you just got like a little shaky. For some reason, I thought got like a little shaky. For some reason, I thought that was a good idea. And what that actually does is it makes you almost go into a diabetic coma of sorts for some reason. No, all the,

all the power lifters say that you want to totally deplete your energy stores prior to this. I don't know. It was almost like I injected insulin or something. It was a, it was weird. Um, I wouldn't recommend it.

I wouldn't recommend that sort of thing. Um, even though you can probably just go to a Walmart and just buy it right over the counter and then just inject it subcutaneously with an insulin pen. I knew that code was happening. I mean, this shit probably only costs like $13 and they hand it to you willy-nilly like it's fucking soda pop. Not telling you that five fucking CCs will send you into a coma. Insulin has a lot to do with whether you get fat or not is more insulin make you skinny or fat i don't know i i i don't know

enough i'm the guy who almost put himself in a coma that would have been so depressing if you put yourself in a diabetic coma and you're just the most jacked guy in the hospital laying there like what happened well he wasn't satisfied with being this yoked so now he's got the beatus do you follow bodybuilding very much taylor uh no not bodybuilding no i watch uh the power lifting youtube channels but not bodybuilding uh Mr. Olympia is the top bodybuilding competition. A guy died during prep week recently. Someone else died not long ago either. Mountain Dog, we all watched him. He died six months ago. Everybody loves him.

He's beloved. You can't crack jokes at his behalf. His video upload schedule has not slowed down since his death. It has been six months. The guy's uploading every week. Are they of him? Oh no. He had that much of a fucking backlog

of video? I'm looking at it right now. Eight days ago, he made a calf work, three exercise calf workouts. One day ago, fasted cardio. Dude, dude, dude. Who wants to see his tutorial on the coffin press? Jesus Christ. Oh, no.

Okay, that would be fucking fantastic. That would be the funniest shit ever. No, Woody, you are a million percent right. Shoulders and triceps workout for mass. John Meadows. It's all this dead guy. Oh, no. Anyway, there are a handful of bodybuilders.

Are they in black and white? No. Who've died not long ago, like in the recent months. Yeah. And they look fantastic, but they're not as healthy as they look. And then somehow that just came to mind. It's a dangerous sport. I went to his.

It was uploaded november 10th three exercise calf workout for mass i didn't mispronounce that that's how they wrote it in the title and the top comment is even in heaven he's teaching us to grow our weakest area he's a nice guy i watched him a lot when he was alive. Everybody who knows him sings his praises. I've watched him a lot since he was alive. So I'm a real fan. This is absolutely wild. How many videos have been uploaded? Slow down, dude.

How much do you have after death? When did he die? Six months ago? He's been dead for six months and he's uploaded. There's a hundred videos since then. Are they saying he's dead or are they just going normal? Here's a question. Should we record an extra PKA one week so that if one of us does die,

we've got that one to roll out to freak everybody out with? That would be so funny. We don't talk about any current events. We're just like, yeah, can you believe that wild thing that happened this week in sports? After we told them all that Wings was dead, they'll never believe us again. That would be so funny. Have you guys ever plugged yourselves into one of those script-creating artificial intelligence things where you give it a transcript of one of your shows

and it will spit out dialogue that you it'll make new dialogue that you guys have. Really? Oh dude, you gotta do that. People do it on my show. I don't know who did it on my show, but they fed it into the system and then just have it shit out like a page of dialogue that we're supposed to

have and it's i sometimes i'll read and go like i i don't know if this this is a fake one okay yeah this is definitely fake you'll read it and you'll get to a point and then it's like well uh well sean i'm off to go jump off like okay yeah this is the fake one but up until that point it looks like it looks eerily like something you know what I know I gotta find it I'll find out some list right now will transcribe a whole episode and plug it into this It's so funny. Let me ask the chat where it is to work someone To work someone

It's not even work for them. They're gonna be having a grand old time training and then making a play like retards having a grand old time transcripting and then making us like retards so is that it it's gonna be like no i'd love to see that be cool fake voices or fake lines of fake lines say yeah so you guys can record yourself saying all the words possible and then have it have a computer just generate episodes forever i don't think i don't use any words i haven't said here yeah i think everyone said every word here though can't be all the good i don't think there's any words I haven't said. Here. Yeah, I think everyone said every word. Here, though. That can't be. All the good ones.

I don't think there are any pertinent words that I haven't said here. Oh, okay. Well, that changes. Phlebotomist. We haven't said that. Well, the computer will use words you've used. I've said phlebotomist because I was going to have to. So I have to get blood fairly often because the red blood cell count gets so fucking high

because of my TRT. And so I'm going to have to hire a phlebotomist next time because I got flagged last time I gave blood for my... For terrorism. For syphilis antibodies because once you've had syphilis, you've got syphilis antibodies for a long time.

And so they won't take my blood. Yeah, that's how disease works. Yeah, you've got them. They won't take my fucking blood down at the the fucking red cross anymore so i might have to hire a fucking lobotomist they won't take your blood down at the red cross yeah yeah it's it's it's uh it's std blood it's got the it's got the stain on the syphilis it seems like syphilis antibodies are not a bug. They're a feature. Don't you want the ability to combat syphilis?

So I'm not an expert, but my guess is that syphilis antibodies are what they use to indicate that someone has syphilis. So like a syphilis test test for syphilis antibodies. And therefore like they have no way of knowing if you either are currently have syphilis or if you had syphilis three or four years ago, like I did whenever it was. I you didn't you know why because you went through two different kinds of strep throat treatment like three weeks ago exactly if i exactly it and that literally would have killed the fucking uh syphilis like what i went through last uh that's true you guys

have shit luck you've been you guys both got fucked by strep in the last couple months yeah yeah i dick i got i got to the doctor and then they offered to give me that shot. And I knew it was going to be a big-ass needle like this, and she was going to put it in my ass, and I didn't trust her. And I have to inject into that ass cheek regularly. So I was like, I took it from her, and she let me inject myself with the fucking antibiotics. And it was a big fucking shot.

It was like that much liquid. It was a lot. You was it was a lot you know it's funny to push the plunger huh was it easy to push the plunger uh too easy it was water-based so i went very slow so this is oil-based so that's an interesting question because like i don't know if I can show what testosterone looks like in oil. It's just really thick. You can see it a little bit. Yeah, it's really thick. Think of vegetable oil, olive oil, something like that. It's actually in MCT oil, I think, or something like that.

They use a few different oils to do this stuff with. It's grapeseed oil. That's actually my favorite. That's your favorite oil? Yeah, it's easier to push than MCT oil because when you're pushing this syringe, I'll be pushing so hard that it'll be bent. The plunger will be bending.

It's hurting my fingers to push that hard. I hate that. One time in the winter, I don't remember what oil I was using, but I put the syringe in my shoulder and then the plunger is obviously sticking out the back and I walked up to a wall. I held this carefully

so that it wouldn't drive this into my shoulder anymore. What the fuck is wrong with you? I made this the anchor, but I pushed this against a wall with my body weight because it was hurting my fingers so much to push it as hard as it needed to be pushed to get it in. It was just going so... I've been pushing for two minutes.

Because it was cold? Because it was cold and thick oil. Yeah. I wonder if you damaged the needle at all. Like maybe it was clogged and imperfect in some way. No, no. Because, no. It was like that every time.

It was like that every time. I had to do it a lot. It was that batch of oil. I talked to a nurse I know about your story about injecting yourself with that shit and she was like oh that's like that's like lose your license territory like no i was like so like if some guy came in and he was clearly jacked and he could inject everything on his own you would let him do it right and i was assuming that your situation was normal and she was like oh oh no like no way i'll lose my job if they come in and

see some guy injecting himself and i'm she should not have done that she's 100 should not have done that no she was she was like where would you put it and i'm like right here and in the top of my glute she's like have you done this before i'm like i do it every day in that glue lana it's just like huh well okay she was easily convinced but i remember thinking like i don't think she's supposed to do this no absolutely not they'll get they're not supposed to let people free plug themselves in the back i felt like i felt like it was on me at that point if anything it should be taken you know any culpability off of her i did the injection now if anything goes wrong it's on me yeah they got. If anything, it should be taking any culpability off of her. I did the injection. Now, if anything goes wrong, it's on me.

Yeah, they got a thing in America about drugs and it being whose responsibility. You can't just do whatever you want with them as it turns out. I did exactly what she wanted me to do with those drugs. I shot them into my ass cheek, and I felt better. I wish I had a couple of vials of whatever had like a couple of syringes or vials of like um whatever the current antibiotic is the penicillin thing um to just like knock out shit like that new sort of penicillin well no they're always making like a different one right because penicillin doesn't work like it used to obviously bacteria built up uh resistance to it same like or um

there's a moxicillin? Amoxicillin. Yeah, something like that. Like, I just wish I had a vial of something that I could just like pop a shot. We have some Amoxicillin. You know, you have to take the full dose. Yeah. You know, our dog seemed fine.

We were just a little irresponsible. And he is fine. That was months ago. So now we have these like canine Amoxicillin sitting on the counter. And I'll tell you, if I was home, I would have downed some. I mean, isn't Amoxicillin sitting on the counter and i'll tell you if i was home i would have downed some i mean isn't if you were home the sillen is the exact same shit right it would you just have to look at dosages that's what i it's the dosage and it's these are great

genes there's 150 150 pound dog woody could have taken those yeah you could have yeah it's the same doses for people because they're people-sized dogs. No, I think that would have worked. I try to take all of them, but at some point it's like, really, all of these? I've been well for a week. And because it fucks your stomach up so much to take them. Yeah, it's unhelpful. I'm balancing back and forth between, well, I I hope I want the next guys been a cylinder work, but also like,

I'd rather not nuke my entire body's flora right at the moment with like eight more of these pills. Like, like I feel like that's not good for me either. Like, I don't know shit about that stuff, but Derek seems to stress it. And like a big part of my diet and the supplementation is built around it.

So maybe pause there. So it's good for you not to take the whole dose but it's bad for society am i did i get that right that's what i think yeah yeah but if you're taking it to the point that you get better you got leftover guys in you that build up an immunity to what you had because you didn't finish them all off so you're no longer suffering but you're still shedding the uh illness that's now immune or now more immune to your yeah you just yeah you just vaccinated the the virus yeah and it like but it really does nuke your whole gut flora right yeah like it kills every that's why you get so fucked up after you're on a cycle of uh antibiotics um i i don't know about that.

I usually don't feel fucked up because I usually try to get on it real quick with like a bunch of that fucking kombucha nonsense. God, that shit is nasty. Fuck that shit. That shit is not that bad. It's not that bad. You just have to get a good flavor.

It tastes like a sock. You know what's worse than kombucha? Hard kombucha beer. Somebody brought, some jackass brought a six-pack of hard kombucha to my last party, and every time I have a party,

I'm cursed with an 18-pack of Miller Lite or something, and like a sour fruit beer, and now I gotta deal with a six-pack of kombucha dirty sock beer that somebody snuck into the fridge. I can't throw it away because of the alcoholism. But eventually it means I got to get into it.

And I'm not looking forward to it. Those sour beers are the grossest shit I've ever tasted. I'm blown away. When I go to a restaurant, they're're like we have a wonderful sour it's like why would i want this it tastes yourself it yeah kill yourself it is what he doesn't know because he doesn't drink beer a sour beer is the grossest shit it tastes like all the bad parts of sweet tarts and none of the good parts none of the sugar none of the good kick. It's all the nasty puckery. I like sour.

I'm half thinking I might like this beer. You probably would like this beer, Woody. I'm going to send all of them to you. What were those super sour candies? Warheads? Warheads. My mouth is watered thinking about Warheads. I remember thinking my dad was a fucking psychopath because we would get Warheads when they were popular and I was maybe 10 or something, the big bag there.

And he would suck on them until the sour went away and then he would spit them out. Like one, because the way warheads worked, if people, I don't even know if you can still buy those, is it's the most intensely sour, uncomfortable flavor for about two minutes. And then it melts that away and it's like nice and sweet. It's like you get a little reward after dealing with it. Yeah. And it's some of them had gum, I guess. I never had a gum one. But he would he would suck on him.

And then as soon as it got to sweet, he would like spit him out. And it was like, this is you're a you're a monster. That's one of those things are good. Like growing up up like playing baseball and we had the concession stand and and that was one of the things that was in there for like a quarter that's like a quarter like thing at the concession stand and i would always have a pocket of those when i played baseball so like i just had those like cemented and it's almost a no factory thing um they they're so goddamn sour like like they turn your mouth fucking inside out they make you

pucker like like woody said like oh lemon drops are good lemon drops are a solid candy imagine you take all that wonderful sweet and you remove it entirely from a lemon drop and then you take the sour and you magnify it by 50 that's what a warhead is yeah yeah they're covered in some sort of acid i remember a kid in my school was like I can eat all the blue raspberry warheads in this pack at the same time. And he got rashes on the inside of his mouth. And he died. He was hit by a car, but his mouth was so blue at the funeral, it was humiliating for his parents. Man, they were really innovating in candy then that was an exciting time the 90s

true candy invasion time warheads i don't see any of that stuff now no remember when they uh remember the nerd rope oh i'm younger than all you so like i was still a kid when the nerd rope was coming out and i remember being like so stoked on that and then i tried one and it's being like so stoked on that and then i tried one and it's a horrible run it's it's horrific it's just the worst game runts runts are the most bullshit candy i hate run i love runts i had the dual pack of runts it's this little it looks like a juice box on the right side it was grape on the left side it was like strawberry or something like that and you could get a few of those out and mix and match fucking little little sour loved runs i was four okay okay fair enough at four i like a box of them right here you want some runts lately no i was childhood why are you

being me i'd rather have a good and plenty than a runt and i would rather die than have a good and plenty you don't like good plenty are wait what what are you what were you were you born what are you talking about what's in a good and plenty it's the licorice flavored mike and ike's oh yeah even their color sucks okay i was i was thinking about whatchamacallit yeah they only sold that candy because like everyone was in the great depression you ever have a whatchamacallit a whatchamacallit yeah i have those are like uh nutty buddy bars but you know but it's not as good as a nutty buddy bars. But it's not as good as a nutty buddy bar. It's not as...

There's not as much peanut butter or something. There is nothing that melts on your hand faster than touching a nutty buddy bar. Because that's not real chocolate. Whatever that is melts instantly. It's like all palm oil and it immediately liquefies when you touch it. Yeah, there's very little cocoa

in whatever makes that. They've had to use paint or something, but those things are fucking delicious. They are good. Fucking delicious. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a Toblerone man. Yeah, I had one the other day. Oh, la-dee-da. Oh, my goodness. Gentlemen, we are in the presence of a Toblerone man. Oh, a bag?

Oh, you can... In case he... In case anyone wants to know, yes, I have been to the airport recently Which is why I'm eating this Sophisticated candy No you may not have a triangle I know you're going to say square Because you're an idiot but they are not squares

They are triangles and they come in their Triangle box that you slide them out of Classily And then break them off I remember the first time I had a Toblerone and thinking in my head, this is how adults eat candy. Out of a triangle container. Do you like the

Ferrero Rocher things? Those are good. I like those. Ferrero Rocher, maybe? I think it's Ferrero Rocher. It's those little hazelnut candies. It's the best candies. It's the little ball that you've got to unwrap. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Those are good. They sell them in drugstores. Those make you feel really bad for mowing through like 50 of them in a night. I've never eaten more than one at a time. Good God. Oh, man. I've eaten dozens. Fuck.

They're like bonbons or something. It's like a huge piece of... Okay. Yeah. We know what they are, Kyle. Taylor and I know how bad we feel. I feel like I get really... I feel like I get stings in my stomach

if I ate that much hazelnut. Yeah. Oh, you do. It is good, though. I remember being a kid and wanting Turkish delight so much because I saw the lion, the witch wardrobe and I didn't know what it was. And that kid was like willing to sell his family to the fucking farm for some Turkish delight. And so I imagined it was this really, really good candy.

Apparently it's not. I've never had it. I did the same thing, but I was an adult. Like I'm 48 years old now i probably did this at 47 all right and i'm like dude turkish delight must be fucking amazing this kid would do anything for it yeah and i so what do you do you fucking go to the rainforest amazon.com like do they sell turkish delight fuck yeah they sell turkight? Fuck yeah, they sell Turkish Delight.

This is the thing I can make happen. We will redirect the finances of the Woodworth Empire to Turkish Delight. They don't have a lot of it. I think it was kind of expensive. Whatever. $28 later, I've got candy. I try one of them. Hate it.

Is it rose flavored? I don't know. Rose flavored. It was too hard to chew. It was coated with like, it was white coated. So you'd think it'd be very sugary. Somehow still not. And I tried a second and a third and I couldn't convince myself that I like the stuff I threw the box away.

Yeah. So there's supposed to be. This stuff looks gross. There's supposed to be like the most common flavor. I believe I've never had them. I believe the most common flavor is rose. They use rose water. But I've heard of lime, I think.

People in Turkey don't know candy. No one eats that stuff and enjoys it. It's like fruitcake or something like that. I watched Bingeing with Babish make it once. I like fruitcake too, actually. I like that. I really do. Everybody's like, ah, fruitcake. It's like, yeah, it's fucking tasty. I bet it would be good if you took a slice and put it on the grill or I like that. I really do. Everybody's like, ah, fruitcake.

It's like, yeah, it's fucking tasty. I bet it would be good if you took a slice and put it on the grill or something like that. Like caramelized. I like fruitcake. It's fruitcake season. It's coming. I'm sending you a fruitcake. American chocolate. They're like, American chocolate can't even be advertised as chocolate outside of America because it's not really chocolate.

Fuck you. There is no country on earth who compares to America's dessert and candy prowess. We are number one by a long shot you go to fucking yugoslavia for candy it's meat fucking meat well yugoslavia's not a country anymore but work with me because they didn't have any goddamn candy yeah maybe they would have got along with the children. They've got candy. You go around the world. No one can hang with American candy. We are far and away the best.

And that includes desserts. This is going to be the most controversial thing said on the episode. Because you already know, like Europeans as a whole already rip into Hershey and American candy all the time. We make better candy. It's not even close. Yeah, did they invent? Did they, in the hundreds of years of history in Europe, did they ever put peanut butter and chocolate together? Not once.

Not once. It was up to America to storm that beach and force them to enjoy high-quality candy. If Europeans knew a goddamn thing about candy or desserts like Americans did, they'd match our obesity rates but no those fucks don't even come close these fucking retards they don't they don't even know candy they don't even know candy i'm so hungry and i want candy now what's your what if you could have one kind of

candy right chocolate payday oh yeah i overloaded on paydays my parents had a costco membership when i was a kid so somehow i snuck like a box of paydays into the cart uh and i must have gone through that thing in like nine days like one of those giant 52 packs oh man i would sneak one i love paydays paydays are so tasty i didn't even know they made them in chocolate until you said that just now i want apple pie with ice cream on top that's so it's it's caramel peanuts and chocolate coating it i had one it's been a while no chocolate coating it no chocolate coating it's basically peanuts swimming in carnal but this is a new one though this is the chocolate payday oh oh i oh never mind i didn't catch that yeah yeah i

discovered this just the other day that's what drove me to eat a candy bar i was like chocolate payday are you out of your mind just when we thought we had achieved perfection americans keep innovating and i was driving seven hours to buy weed, so it was like, this seems like a good time to have a chocolate payday. And an energy drink. I live seven hours from Illinois. So I can smoke this Delta 8 shit, and it gets me pretty high, I guess.

It's okay. It's relaxing. But every now and then, I'm going to have to take a little vacation and just drive up to Illinois and get high for a few days. Oh, my God. Yeah, I would drive eight hours for liquor if I had to. little vacation and just drive up to illinois and get high for a few days oh my god yeah i would drive eight hours for liquor if i had to and i make a little trip out of it oh you've second best kyle if not illinois like is there another state that's eight hours away virginia but

virginia doesn't have the stores yet virginia is almost neck and neck um you would have to weigh going through mountain roads whether you like that better or not um and then after that i think it might be i think michigan is about 12 hours that is so far from you dude but it's closer i'm just i mean i'm throwing out the third closest state with rec weed i think is michigan with like hours, unless it's somewhere in the northeast. I know Pennsylvania has medical, maybe rec. There's a few states out there that I'm fuzzy on because they did that thing where they legalized it like a year to three years ago, but they don't quite yet have the infrastructure in place yet, so they don't really count. I mean, as far as like Missouri goes, I'm selling Missouri.

You can move here. We can hang out the ozarks now well you could move to the ozarks that's a that's a fun area to be in but uh with the weed thing i have a friend who got his medical card here for like real weed and he says like the biggest and he's a huge smoker like almost your level pre pre-arrest and everything and he is like it's it's too much like like the like he bought like uh he bought flour that was like is 29 high for flour 30 something like yeah it was something absurd he was like yeah i bought i bought a quarter ounce it was 29 flour and i went home and me and my wife were gonna smoke and then we did and it was it was mesmerizing how high we got because they were used to like buying weed from drug dealers and like bullshit like oh yeah and so like after that like he said like literally like three hits off of a joint from

the medical dispensary here was otherworldly like higher than he'd been in years yeah that makes sense um i bought some stuff like that in illinois the other day it was 30 or it was over 30 um and it was it was really good flour but mostly what i like um and it's they're expensive are the vape pens that they have up there and um and the concentrate but i haven't really found any good concentrate in a while i bought i found this delta 8 stuff the other day from the company called it's the number three and then the letters chi i don't know how you pronounce that three chi i don't fucking know three chi in any case uh i bought three grams of their concentrate over the counter you know here in here in georgia and it's strong as fucking

with 63 for three grams i'm sure i mean i i don't need stuff that strong that if anything like the way i look at weed that strong is delta eight that's what i'm saying like like it's delta eight that's like strong enough to actually work um because not all of it does i feel like there's a lot of like snake oil out there in the delta eight world right now um these these are real like these are fucking great um and most of the vape uh cartridges that i've gotten are great but i've gotten some edibles that just didn't fucking work that thing you just showed us i didn't get it the first time is it do you light it with a a lighter is it a vape pen no it was the water when he was smoking earlier yeah i was a cigarette yeah earlier i was smoking these they're they're like pre-rolled joints so the uh

okay so like i've smoked it down to the you know the butt but this is a cardboard filter whereas cigarettes have like this cotton filter so this is like a little hand rolled filter and then it you know it was just it was just like cigarettes just like a pack of cigarettes but it's delta eight um you know does it make the room smell much um it smells like chocolate and weed um for whatever reason these smell like chocolate i don't know why we doesn't ruin a room like cigarettes it's gone the next day unless you're like really really like fucking a room up like smoking it constantly you really can't fuck a room up i don't think like if i were to spray air fractioner 10 minutes after smoking this joint i feel like this room is good again oh yeah like i

one of the apartments I lived in in college was like, absolutely no smoking. Well, no. I had people over every day and we smoked a tremendous amount of weed for two years while I lived there. No one knows. Not cigarettes though. If you smoked a cigarette

and someone was nearby while you smoked that cigarette, that person would smell like cigarettes. You know what I think it is? I think it's the tar. I think that tar is taking a smell, which, I mean, a smell is like little particles of whatever you're taking it,

but it's adding a little, like, glue to that so that that literally is sticking. It's making smell sticky. What does that say about farts? You know what it says about farts. What does that say about farts like you know what it says about farts about farts you know that's your memoirs woody that's how i guess i'm gonna blame farts for all cases of pink eye that i've ever gotten because i wash particle floated into my eye that's that's that's same thing with the aids isn't that

isn't that how pink eye actually works? You get pink particles in your eye? Yeah, but with your finger, you disgusting human being. Have you ever had it? Yeah, I've had pink eye. Knew it. Have you ever had pink eye? Of course not. I'm not disgusting, you pig.

You had syphilis 15 minutes ago, you disgusting fuck. You absolute monster. I got syphilis from dirty pussy. You rub shit in your eyeball. No, I got it from shitty pussy. That's what I got it from. Oh, I'm trying to get like a close. Trying to get a real close.

Trying to get a bird's eye view. Use like one of those diamond lenses to like check out a little monocle. Yeah. No, don't you ever ride that high horse, you syphilis fuck. I had the syphilis and I'm proud of it i'm proud of it god damn it just people have syphilis syphilis are cool yeah like al capone yeah well he should have gotten his shot and he'd have been all good i had that remember i had to diagnose my own syphilis because the doctor couldn't fucking figure it out that's when all the skin was falling off my palms that was cool yeah you you said basically you braved late stage syphilis or mid-stage syphilis

and and what one thing people often say when i tell that story is like imagine how many people you gave syphilis to and i'm like well usually i i wear a condom but you're not contagious you're not um with you can't pass syphilis on after a year or something like that. So there was actually a brief window. So you had it for over a year? Maybe 200-300 women, something like that, tops. Tops. So just a month or two, right?

A lot of times syphilis doesn't get that bad because it's something else you get along the way, strep throat or whatever exactly yeah antibiotics or it doesn't handle them well um but i didn't really have any like real symptoms i just had a little rash on my like collarbone area and then there was that time all the all the skin on my hand turned to blisters and fell off that's like the perfect amount of syphilis then. Just right when it gets biblical, then you're out. You have no idea

how scary it is when both your hands are covered in blisters and the skin is falling off and you don't know why. Stigmata. Here's how my dermatologist said to put gloves on, like surgical gloves, and fill them with olive oil when I slept. Fill them?

Does she think you're fucking Bezos over here? Just filling them? So I took that as olive oil is good for your hands. So throughout my day, I'm always in olive oil gloves. And my girlfriend's just like, how are your hands, baby? And I'm like, they're real bad today. They're real bad today. They're real bad today. I grabbed a pistol and it was real grippy.

Because of your blisters? Yeah. Oh, my God. I think I filmed a couple FBS Russia videos then. If you can go back and find videos where I'm wearing, anybody where I'm wearing gloves, that's what's up. Because under those gloves are rubber gloves with with uh olive oil in them so i'm like olive oil glove and then a tactical like glove on

it like i'm some kind of a fucking operator so nobody will know that i've got syphilis hands this is like madonna's regimen when she sleeps yeah a body suit of lotion or oil or something yeah madonna does that? I think she did some anti-aging crazy stuff back in the day. But I ended up... I didn't know if she was dead or not. She's alive. Very alive. I ended up finally just being like,

could this be... I looked it up on the WebMD and I literally looked at images of... I think I searched hands blistering... No, I think i searched hands no i think i searched like skin falling off hands hand blisters or something and then i looked at google images of disgusting hand like infections and mutations until i saw one that looked like mine and i was like that looks like what i have and it was syphilis and then so i went now i had like gotten off on

that syphilis road i could find more evidence and i was right and and they were like huh well i guess you're right well let's well let's fix this now it's just like you bitch you you bitch could have done that at any time you stupid bitch did did you ever find the guy who gave you syphilis? Did you ever get him? You know, it's mostly a gay disease, right? He remains at large. I don't even think it is a gay disease. I think everybody gets syphilis. I don't know if it's a gay disease or not,

but I don't know how I got it. I know it wasn't that, but I know I got it. Can you get it from oral? Could I have eaten some girl's butthole one time and got some syphilis out of there yes what about a hand job if her hand was falling off does that ever happen like maybe she had bloody hands and she jerked me off like like like she looked like she had like django unchained hands and she gave me one of those rough like raw hide hand jobs and and and maybe i got something out of there i don't know i don't know i mean syphilis is a more intense one everybody's had a few bouts with chlamydia everyone has never everyone's had it a few times taylor has had a couple of bouts everyone's had chlamydia taylor has had a few bouts with chlamydia uh how'd that

go oh it was fine it was uh did you know right away no it was like ah she's got chlamydia. Taylor has had a few bouts of chlamydia. How'd that go? Oh, it was fine. It was Did you know right away? You woke up and you're like, ah, she's got chlamydia. I know. No, no. I got a text from a girl that I fucked and she said, I have chlamydia now. And I was like, oh man, that's weird.

Because apparently it shows in women much sooner than it shows in men. And then I went to the Mizzou health center and they were like, yes, you have chlamydia. And so and that only happened twice. There was the same situation happened twice. And then there was I got a call from the Reno Medical whatever center nurse saying, oh, this is just to let you know. Somebody you've had sex with has chlamydia. I was like, OK, this is just to let you know somebody you've had sex with has chlamydia.

I was like, okay, well, thanks for letting me know. Go get tested. And then she, the girl called the next day. She was all sheepish. I had her number. It was some girl I met at Burning Man. She's like, oh, okay, so I have to tell you. And I let her go through the whole thing. Took her forever. And I'm like, yeah, I, so I have to tell you. And I let her go through the whole thing.

Took her forever. And I'm like, yeah, I know. The medical center called me yesterday. She's like, what? They did? Those fuckers? And I'm like, yeah. She said at the beginning, I almost didn't call you.

And I'm like, yeah, they do that because they know you're not going to fucking call, you idiot. But I didn't get chlamydia off of her because my friend, I would have never used a cond condom but my friend uh had one he had like a bunch of condoms there that he was giving away that was his thing and he threw me one um i i miraculously used it i didn't i remember the i remember being told like so you're gonna want to call all your previous sexual partners and tell them and i remember being like oh definitely did they give you the option of doing it themselves no no they were just like you're gonna want to call and i was like nah nah nah that seems horrible and uncomfortable or maybe um i've been doing this thing where i don't or whatever i've been doing this thing where I don't. And they just figure it out or whatever.

I've been doing this thing where I live and let live, so to speak. Like the Bible says. Like the Bible says. Now, look, I believe in science. I'm not a denier. But you're not going to change my mind on this one, man. No, thank you. Give me that shot.

I'm not going to call all of them. What's statistically how many of them have it? I'll call that many. Yeah. No, I'll call none of them. Statistically, how many of them have it? I'll call that many. Yeah. I'll call none of them. I only have – so I want to say I took – what was the other time? How did that happen? I'm trying to remember this correctly.

Oh, yeah. Okay. I got – so I took the test, like one of those tests you order and then you spit in the vial and I think you prick your finger it's like an at home STD test because I don't want to do that at the doctor I think you spit I think it's blood and there might be urine too

I think you do all three and you mail it all back and it tests for like everything a full panel a little envelope you get your finished envelope and cram it in there but then it's paper envelope they had this little piece of paper that you like once you've pricked your thumb you're like putting drops of blood inside of like five different circles of paper i guess that's enough blood um and and you know that that's um

i'm trying to remember but but anyway i had tested positive again for the syphilis antibodies they don't go away so it just always looks like you the syphilis antibodies. They don't go away. It just always looks like you got syphilis. And the health department came to my door over an online test. I guess the online cocksuckers reported me to the health department in Georgia and let them know that I had the syphilis. And so this Indian guy, dots not feathers, showed up at my door and was questioning me as to whether I had gotten the syphilis and so this like indian guy dots not feathers showed up at my door and was like questioning me as to whether i had gotten my syphilis treated and i refused to

tell him he was like i have to ride on right on refuse to treat i treated years ago but he's just like we've got to know whether you got it treated or not i'm like no you don't no i was like you i was like i'm not gonna tell you maybe i did maybe i didn't he's like we'll just come back and i'm like i dare you i dare you to fucking come back you want to come on in my house and you'll find out your next blood test i'll give you a fucking i if i if i hadn't still been like on and like i was you know getting drug tested daily because of my fucking pre-trial probation at that time i'd be like come on inside i'll give you a little sample fucking fucking asshole like i was i couldn't believe they just showed up at your door and they're like hey we heard you got the syphilis did you get that fixed are you a piece of shit and i'm just yeah i went and got the 85 shot at my doctor because i'm a

normal fucking human being you think i like i think i want syphilis who gets who tests positive for syphilis is like oh it's not so bad then huh yeah yeahilis. Who tests positive for syphilis and is like, oh, it's not so bad then, huh? Yeah, you know what? I'm positive for syphilis, but I'm going to ride the tiger. Yeah, I don't think that's the move. I heard it makes you more creative. I heard it makes you more aggressive.

I heard it makes you more aggressive. Like elk meat. Like elk meat. What are you, fucking crazy, Joe? No, I've never had any of the other STDs luckily um I usually how have you only gotten syphilis you've never had chlamydia the common card of STDs

never once never crabs um uh any of that stuff um just literally just that one thing with syphilis and um and that's it oh and then obviously like herpes but like i've had that like i've got a little bit on my list now like like i literally i started out right yesterday it happens three or four times a year but i've got valtrex now that i got from uh one of those but but that's that's a different kind of herpes than the general

one it's type one or something like it's like type one and type two or something like but and we've been through this before though like if i go down on a girl right now she will get genital herpes for a cycle like like it'll suck for one cycle and then it'll go away in my experience that's not based on any research or doctor's information i'm just telling you i went down on a girlfriend one time who did not have any kind of cold sores or herpes um and she had an immediate outbreak of genital herpes that that was terrible she had blisters inside her vulva gross did you break up with her immediately um and i called i really like she gave it to me yeah no um no i didn't do any of those things i took great care of her and i I went and got her fresh bags of peas to sit on

because it was my idea to eat her pussy because I thought my lip was all better because you couldn't see any redness anymore. But it was my bad. She was like, are you sure you're good? And I'm like, totally. And I ate her pussy, and I gave her herpes. Totally. Let me just dab my lip pus real quick.

It wasn't like it was like. That's mayonnaise. I ate a sandwich earlier. It had been gone for like weeks almost. It was just nothing there anymore, like it was like that's mayonnaise i ate a sandwich it had been gone for like weeks it almost it was it was just nothing there anymore and it was still contagious but anyway uh she never again had another one of those outbreaks um whereas like if i had like bumps on my dick of herpes fucked her and given her herpes that way i'm pretty sure then forever more she's gonna have like that's like the type i don't know type one cyclical something like i

think that's type two and i'm guessing type one is on the mouth let's just pretend that's right yeah i think that's right type one is that one that lots of people just have where you randomly get a cold sore yeah yeah and anybody that does that go online and get yourself like uh like like the same medication that people get for genital herpes and you'll be able to knock them out in like two days i i never deal with cold sores anymore like the only other solution for them is that shit a breva which that doesn't work which is it does work but it works a million times slower than just taking foul tracks what what um what a breva does is it like makes it accelerates the process that it was already going to go through so you start with a little oh is that a pimple uh maybe and you end up with like this

scabby bloody sensitive thing that gets weird in the shower within three days whereas like if you just take the valtrex it's like oh you look like a little little pimple thing right here and now you're shrinking you're shrinking and you're gone fuck you fuck you you piece of shit and that dirty bitch that get oh my dad gave it to me though he shared a fucking diet pepsi with me when i was like eight or something like that can't blame this one on women or you just had it from birth that's possible maybe you licked your mom's pussy on the way yeah on the way out could have been anything um sorry Sorry, that was gross. What am I even looking?

It tastes weird. Oh, no! No! Nobody got a picture of that. Oh, there's video! No! Oh, no! Dropped me on my head so I forget what I just did.

That's a solid theory. is it seems scientific i have no retort um yeah we've been doing std talk um while while you're while you're stepped away there we we're all filthy human beings apparently well we're clean we're clean now. We've ruined our appetites. We've had at least one each. That hasn't ruined my appetite. Nothing bad, though. You know, it's been cool. And you know what? I'm going to chalk that up to my taste in women.

A lot of classy gals know how to take care of themselves. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Let's just all get AIDS. They can handle it now, right? Knock it out with some medicine or something. I mean, you could take this. In our hangout, the guy was talking about PrEP. You know, you could take this in our hangout the guy was

talking about prep you know you just take a pill every day and you're invincible you can't get it it's like it's like 99 oh let's test it i feel like i heard jim norton a comedian who's very degenerate and his prostituting and whatnot i feel like i heard him say like yeah prep will keep you from getting aids but it does some fucked up shit to you later. Like it messes with your immune system later in life if you're taking it. I think it does something to bone density as well. You get all your AIDS at once. You get 80 years of AIDS on your last day.

I wonder how long you have to take it. Right? Could you use it almost like a condom? Like, oh, it's going to be a big weekend for me i'll start on thursday i'll stop on monday so definitely don't take your fucking medical advice like this from us like most of the stuff we joke about it's like take your vitamin take your vitamins before or after you eat probably doesn't fucking matter but on this one like don't

you don't get aids kids talk to your doctor um but but the guy in the hangout said that like you could use it almost like a morning after pill sometimes. Like you could have unsafe sex and be like, oh, shit. And take like three or four of them. No, dude, that's risky business. If you're having to quadruple up on the dose, it doesn't sound like that's the way they meant it to be used. I'm just telling you what the man said. I remember the conversation. I heard him say it too, so it's true.

Is that like in your body, the Lord of the Rings is happening when the ghost army comes in? You're losing. Here comes all the preps! The white blood cells are all dead! If he's right about that, then it would seem like my

weekend plan works too. You don't have to live on it unless you constantly have risky sex yeah there's billboards for it here in atlanta i think it's they say something like a dollar a day and prevent yeah a dollar a day keeps aids away it's something like that yeah and it's like fuck that's pretty convincing better get on that boys dude kyle you just saying that like death made me want to re-watch Lord of the Rings again. Cause that you're like a teenage boy,

horny for Lord of the Rings. Like the slightest provocation. You just see a bra and you're like, all right, this initiated the launch sequence. I'm horny for Lord of the Rings. I love it. I say it in death speeches. He's riding in front of the row here.

And before they charge in to take on the orcs as they're sieging Minas Tirith. Oh, God. It's one of the best. Is Theoden the wizard? Kyle, you bitch. You know exactly who Theoden is. Is Theoden the one that actually fucks Hermione? Because you hope it's Harry the whole time,

and it turns out to be Theoden, I think. You hope the whole time that Harry would fuck Hermione? Yeah. Of of course i did the two biggest no i believe it i did also and then when i found out that ron was gonna marry hermione and then harry harry was gonna marry i've only watched the movies and this was two months ago for the first time it doesn't make sense like this no-name character is somehow in so enthralling to harry that he wants to marry her he's a supermodel he's the king wizard uh yeah help let me help with this so you've only seen the movie so in the book their relationship is a little more fleshed out and so like from the moment she sees him she has

a crush on him like when they're like before she's even old enough to go to like wizard's fucking school i don't remember how old that is it's like seven or eight or ten or something yeah but uh but she's always been like she's always liked him and then he rescues her in the first uh movie like she's the girl that he rescues from the basilisk and then but but then they're like spending all this time together at the weasley's house like like like she's the little sister playing uh like quidditch with them, and she's always there. So they form a real bond that way. But everybody wants Harry to bang Hermione and Ron to die.

That's how the book should have ended. Do Harry and Hermione ever fuck just for fun? Yeah. That's a good part of the book then. Yeah. Yeah. It's when they're hiding out in the forest from the

centaurs or whatever. No. He's lying to you. It's really Thedas that fucks Hermione. I know he's lying. I'm just pushing him. It's one of the horse riders. I don't know which one. I think Karl just pushing him. It's one of the horse riders. I don't know which one. I think Carl Urban plays him. He's the king. Carl Urban. Isn't that a country singer?

Keith Urban. That's Keith Urban. Carl Urban is the guy who plays Judge Dredd. Judge Dredd, but also in Lord of the Rings. Amor. Right? Isn't he Amor? Is he? I don't know

Is Aomer Theoden? Who's Theoden? Not Theoden's son You give me your name, horsemaster and I shall give you mine Yeah, Aomer is Theoden's nephew and Eowyn is Theoden's niece

No, yeah niece, but no, what I was saying is that's Carl Urban that plays that character. Okay. Well, he does a great job then. You didn't know that. How do you not know that? Because I guess I never looked it up. Oh.

I just recognized it. I am not looking for... Oh, you know a show I started watching recently is Altered Carbon on Netflix. Decent nudity. I started out like this is a really cool concept, and now I'm like a part of the way through season one, and I don't know if I'm still sold on it. I don't know if I'm still that into it.

Did you guys watch that one? Nope. I didn't give it my full attention, so I feel like I'm not qualified to rate it. Okay. Do you want to talk about Midnight Mass a little i love that show you like it we all think yeah i finally watch a show midnight mass was fucking fantastic the guy who plays the priest is just every scene he's in the other actors have to be upset because he dominates the scene like he he makes everybody else's actor you know uh talents diminish every time i just realized that i'm talking about

midnight gospel the cartoon which god damn you all right well look look for those of you who don't listen to pkn first of all shame on you i was talking about midnight rider the western i thought i was i was talking about the 70s yeah i thought that's why you wanted to talk about it yeah it makes sense you know midnight mass it's a it's a netflix show and it's very very good it's it's a bit of a zombie or not zombie i'm sorry vampire tale it's a bit of that zombie. Not zombie, I'm sorry. Vampire Tale. It's a bit of that, but it's very, very good. Are you spoiling? No, you look it up online and that's the first thing in the fucking review. My recommendation is this for this show.

Go in blind. Go in blind because it is a mystery. I was until now. I know, right? Jesus Christ. You go in blind, you won't know what the fuck's going on we're gonna put a spoiler tag in now you've ruined it you've ruined it for so many thousands tens of thousands and they bought and they put you in the jizz hundreds of thousands and they

put you in the jizz bits um i give it fucking um two thumbs up and I really enjoyed it I watched it in one sitting seven hours worth I will say this if you're not convinced by us RLM did a review, Red Letter Media they really enjoyed it as well I watched two minutes of their review

and then immediately went to Netflix and watched seven hours of the show whenever they tell me to watch something I do. There was a horror movie a while back, like The Black Coat's Daughter or something like that. They were also right about. It was really good. But in any case, this is a really fucking good TV show.

There is a lot of talking. There is a lot of character development. There is a little CGI that works out really well. They use it sparingly uh they they takes you a while to figure out what's going on i want to say about 15 minutes into season into episode two i had figured out most of the story and i knew exactly what was going on by like episode four i was like oh no i know i'm mostly done episode two and i don't know shit i did it's apparently a tv show about dead cats nope there's a lot more than that i i was like

i was i was super like when kyle he recommended it to us mostly joking oh i know when he was like there are dead cats like i like in our private uh text kyle because you were like if anybody thinks they know what's going on just text me privately and i sent stuff to you and you figured it out so fucking quickly that i was like i felt like a challenge was issued where i'm like all right by the end of episode three i need to have this figured out and i thought i had it mostly figured out by episode three and i texted kyle my predictions and he was like spot on my friend spot on and i was like he would never say that if it was correct so i obviously i missed something here

and i did i did miss a couple things but it it's it's really really a good show midnight mass i like it a lot i don't know what the actor's name is who plays the priest. He doesn't look familiar to me with his face and anything, but he's tremendous. I hope he gets more work. Are we supposed to hate the chick that criticizes the priest?

Yes. Wait, which one? Well, then I'm on the right track. The white lady who's very churchy? I don't think there's any black people in this show. No, there are. Maybe you haven't watched far enough. Maybe. She's very churchy. She criticized his choice of gold

outfit. Oh, that wasn't criticizing. She wasn't criticizing. She was curious. See, that's a clue in itself. See, I caught that clue. That's what I caught. Oh, did you catch it too? I did, but only because I have Catholic family, so I know. Yeah, so you wear different colors on different days.

And I'm not a Catholic, but they lay it out there. I want to say you wear the gold one on feast day, and the green one was the one that was more appropriate for that's whatever it was yeah for order so he's he's um i i found that very interesting and and and that i read a lot into him wearing that because he didn't seem like the type of man but i knew two things at that point anyway i knew who the priest was and i knew that he's not the type of man to not know what fucking color shirt to wear and uh and so those two things added together led me to like go down that rabbit hole that got me to like solving the whole mystery of the show in like two episodes it's a good fucking show um it's not

a fucking challenge it's it's tv meant to be enjoyed but I highly recommend it it's a there's a mystery going on there's some neat characters um it reminds me so much of something that stephen king wrote i had to do a double check i was like stephen king wrote this right if they did stephen king better than stephen king does stephen king like you even have like the inciting incident with a volkswagen involved right there at the beginning and the character haunted by the the flashbacks a little bit of ghost stuff going on and it's like man this is stephen king beat for beat but it's not and then you also have like the core concept of the show that i won't spoil too much that's another stephen king he loves that shit he loves that specific subject matter all the stuff about

loss and regret family um group think the way thatthink, the way that religion can twist people's minds, perception-based information. Think about how those first cavemen were down here. They've got their fire at night. Other caveman has his fire at night. And they look in the sky and they say, wow, who builds their campfires up there? Who are those people? And that sort of mindset, like they had this,

okay, lights are campfires. There are lights. Lights must be campfires. They put things together that way because it was what they knew. They had this framework and they plugged in outside information into the framework they understood

and they end up with a flawed understanding of reality. And you see that concept repeated later on. And it's a really, really smart, well-written, well-directed, all the way around, enjoyed it kind of show. Yeah, well-acted. There were so many characters. Woody, you said there weren't any black characters. There's the black girl in the wheelchair.

She's a very big girl. She's a halfsy. I like her a lot. She's a very good actress. I like her. But the priest stole the fucking show. He stole the show in most episodes. Well, Midnight Gospel is pretty good.

What's that about? How are we about that? it's about a podcast that gets animated i don't know if you guys know anything about that no it's a good it's a good show it's really not our subject matter expertise it is about that but it's really good. You should check it out. I got a couple of those animated stories. We should do something with them. We should upload them or something, yeah.

I don't know what to do with them. Maybe we should watch them on the show. Raise some money for it. Oh, yeah, yeah, let's sell them. Yeah. No, let's not do that. Let's not do that. Guys not guys i'm gonna take off no no you've only got like 40 minutes to go oh really no okay 20 with everybody uh 22 minutes

with every bottle of lock and load okay okay okay okay yeah one um 22 and i can't talk well we need you to cover oh yeah sure you got it yeah uh well you We need you to cover. Oh yeah, sure. You got it. If you want to get high and watch a bunch of cool visuals, it's a good show. If you want to get high and watch a bunch of cool visuals, I think you want to take acid. That's the main trip. Have you ever done DMT? I tried. Yes, I have done it, but

I didn't see any of the goofy shit that people say you see, like little gremlins running around and journeys and stuff. I did so much DMT, and I said, well, this is defective, so I got a DMT pipe, and I pounded it so hard that I felt like time was skipping, as I was turning, but then nothing. It was instantly gone. I didn't get any kind of awareness of anything.

It really annoyed me, actually. Now that anybody talks about it, now I get so annoyed because I didn't have... I'll try it again, but I couldn't do it. I tried it a bunch of times. Hold on a second. Did more time pass than you thought? No, it felt just like I was moving hard through space it felt like things

weren't like sleeping up but it was only for a moment like you were like clipping through reality yeah yeah like sativa or whatever frame rate to love salvia yeah the frame rate i wish there was a drug that made lines at the dmt seem faster or like all over the place like if you could just avoid waiting there are drugs that make the weight fun yeah i mean that's just weed there's a lot of those uh but yeah i would like to do dmt now you smoked it out of like what looked like a crack pipe i guess you had some i did yeah i did a crack pipe and i had to go at like uh i went to a gas station to get a liquor store to get a crack pipe at like 1030.

I was already drunk. I've never been looked at like that before in my life. Yeah. It was the first crack pipe I ever bought. I did it out of that. You didn't look at it like you were drunk. I highly doubt this. No.

I was like a crack addict. Like I said, hey, do you have any oil pipes? And they're like, ooh. No eye contact. This is in the barrio. Here you go, buddy. Get out of here um i did it on that it was shitty and then the piped the the vape pen too which came highly recommended but it just didn't fucking work for me yeah that's what i was going to like go to is if you've done it out of a pipe i hear they do them out of vapes um i've seen them done out of vapes. I've seen them do both ways.

We do our monthly hangout with fans. $50 patrons down below. Link, go down there if you want to join us and watch some of the shenanigans that happen every month. Coming up in a couple of weeks. And there's a couple of guys who have done DMT there in front of us. And they go on some fucking journeys sometimes. Definitely more than what you're describing. Like drooling and fucking yeah seeing all sorts of fucking like like like lights and uh and going on a whole

journey and stuff like like i got the guy to like close his eyes do three hits and then like he was he was so suggestive like when i did that that i was like you know do you see gold lights and he's like now i do like all right well right, well, and you can like, sort of like guide them through like some space racer shit if you want to, or like, or like send them into a jungle or whatever you want to do. Um, so that was neat.

So I am curious about it, but, um, acid is like the, it's so similar, but so different at the same time, because this DMT thing is supposed to be like this 15 minute trip that feels longer,

but you're in and out. And then acid is like, buckle up. We're, we're in for the night. Like be like this 15 minute trip that feels longer, but you're in and out. And then acid is like, buckle up. We're we're in for the night. Like, this is it. This is what we're doing tonight. Uh-huh.

Um, well, I'll try DMT again and let you know, but I would be very annoyed if I'm immune to it somehow. At first I thought, okay, so everyone's just lying about this. Like this is a thing everybody's doing is a joke on me.

Yeah. Lying about DMT. Yeah. yeah because that that's kind of what i think because people do that with mushrooms people will act like mushrooms are going to make you see like a fucking cartoon character in the room with you or something and it's like dude the colors are more saturated all right and i feel a little dizzy and in my case i had a panic attack but that was because i was at a fucking walmart but like oh yeah and but even with acid like lots of acid i'm not seeing any fucking frogmen or anything like that everything's just beautiful and i feel silly so so even on a bunch of acid like you're not imagining whole cloth something new in your vision i'm seeing distorted versions of what is actually there. Is there a level of acid where you will see that? I don't think so.

Just fully construct existence? I don't think that it makes sense for someone to take that much more acid than I took. I took four hits, and I saw about as much as I think you're going to see, while you're conscious anyway. Now, maybe if you're unconscious on acid, that's interesting. Like, do your dreams take upon some sort of new, more powerful version? That's interesting to kind of think about. So basically, I know you've tried shrooms also. Yeah.

Acid just a million times better in every way. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, you've got to power down the shrooms even unless you're drinking them there's a lot of ways to do it i'm aware of people but like i always ate straight up mushrooms and they that sucks but with acid you're putting this tiny little piece of paper that's a that's a square on your tongue and i mean tiny tiny like like it's easy it's hard to grab it correctly sometimes and uh it tastes like nothing it doesn't make you feel nauseous in any way like you're not hungry you're not you don't have a loss loss of appetite you're just you but now we're about to go and have a little fun everything's silly and funny

and everything looks squiggly isn't it i always heard like it's weird to eat on acid it's disgusting it's like you can feel the molecules ripping. I can't even think about eating food on acid. So we planned what, like, you know, all right, we're going to do acid now, so what are we going to eat? And I was like, I want a maple donut with bacon on it. And that's what I ate that night for dinner.

I had a maple bacon donut, and it was so fucking delicious on ass i was just like i was like y'all fucked up y'all fucked up and fish was like then you're the weird one because like everyone i've heard talking about acid is like oh i can't possibly eat on acid oh yeah i can't at all everybody what if the food was more homogenous? I don't know, like an orange juice or something that was just even and the same all the way through. I don't know. It's like the

concept of chewing through something seems totally disgusting to me on acid. I'll eat a couple chips I guess, but maybe it's a meat thing. Peanut butter on a spoon or chips. Yeah, something that doesn't have lots of uh texture and variety so meat is gross on acid yeah well the thing acid confuses this uh the senses all of your it swaps all your senses around so it's weird thinking of taste in um when you're

uh when you're high anyway at least for me it is. It's not quite the same. It doesn't work the same. Like you don't think of, oh, a big hamburger, like, oh, delicious, I can't wait to bite in. It's more like, that's a foreign, I suddenly don't understand what it would be to eat that hamburger. It's just disconnected.

You don't understand what it would be like to eat it. Yeah, yeah, and then your head fills in the blanks. Like, well, maybe it would be like, what is, what is that that I'm doing? Um, I don't, I don't enjoy it. I try not to eat. That's interesting. No, I've already right at the beginning, but not, not in the middle. I was right in the middle. I've only done it the one, one time though. Had a great time. Um, everything was beautiful. Everything beautiful everything was funny um that was fun well some people say not that they don't have sex on it either that eliminates eliminates their sex drive and it's the most it is the most indescribably amazing sex i've ever had in my life

every single time um i was thinking like when i was when i when i took it i was like i want to fuck on this now i want to see what that's like. Like, like, like, because like marijuana, like helps sex so much. And it's just like,

this is like super, it reminds me a lot of marijuana without like the dopey kind of part. It's more of the like euphoric, silly kind of part. Um, uh, I, I was just laughing my ass off at just about everything.

And, and, and we, even if it, some of it wasn't that funny, but even the stuff that was funny, it would be like that contagious laughter where like even after you're done, you think about it again and you're like,

oh, you're just like rolling again. Let's just think about it. Or you look at your buddy and he just starts like smirking and laughing and like now you can't stop smirking and laughing. It was just, you had the giggles for fucking six hours or something like that it was fun i did um i went to this show in chicago my friend carl had a comedy show and i got everybody to drop a half

a tab acid and go to this white socks game so it was three comedians at a at a stadium a baseball game where the clientele is like the scummy it's like the scummy team in Chicago. It's not the Cubs. It's like the fancy team with the white socks. It's like guys with shirts, guys wearing like dyed white hair. Everybody's fatter than hell. So we're walking around watching fights break out in the stands that dogs are getting dragged in on,

ripping on everybody for like five hours it was one of the funniest days of my life uh because we were all on it was great i would have been okay i guess without it but there's a there's a thing on youtube i think maybe vice does it and they have like people go do a thing on acid and they pick interesting things for them to go do they they send this one guy um to go to a monster truck rally but he has to do like interviews and stuff like he has a camera and he's never been to a monster truck rally and and and like his job is to do this sort of like interview thing about what's this crazy thing all about and and so like he's like that was really weird i he was behind the table and the normal fucking thing would been for me to walk around the table and interview him like a human being but instead i reached

awkwardly way across the table so now i have to go back and forth with the mic and i didn't even have a fucking question in my goddamn head so of course what do i ask him what's it like to drive a monster truck and do you like it and it's just the most and it's a super and then they have another guy and so that guy like has he was on the struggle bus he had a hard time then they sent another guy to like what's that big dog show like the big one they televise the westminster dog show they send him to like the fancy big dog show? Like the big one they televise. The Westminster dog show. They send him to like the fancy ass dog show in New York. That's funny.

On acid. Once again, like, like I think he had to interview people and stuff like completely different guy. There's like three of them on there where they send someone. What kind of dog do you have? Why is it?

Why is it so long? Is this a good boy? Would you qualify your dog as a good boy? Yeah, I guess so. But they're not like that. They're more just like really awkward and panicked. Terror. Fucking terror.

Because the monster truck rally is just... The trucks are banging and everything. And there's smoke and engine oil and and exhaust and everybody's screaming and he's just like he had taken two big tabs of ass they were on like it looked like they were on altoids or something it was like those kind it wasn't pieces of paper is that way bigger like way more of it now you just drop it on whatever you want like you on a chip and eat it. I know people who have just used a dropper before and just dropped it straight into their mouth.

How expensive is acid? The cheapest drug imaginable. Yeah, it really is. Like $4 a hit. I don't even know anybody who sells acid. I'm thinking in. I'm thinking in. Alright, I know one person who sells acid think again

just kidding yeah I don't know but no there's a bunch of people that are like into that sort of thing if you wanted some I'm sure you could find it people who smoke weed usually know people who do acid There's a bunch of people that are into that sort of thing. If you wanted some, I'm sure you could find it. People who smoke weed usually know people who do acid. I don't know.

The next time I do it, I want to be somewhere on some sort of cool place. I don't know. I want to look at something cool in nature next time I do it, I think. That would be neat. What do you want to look at? Grand Canyon? A waterfall would be cool. I think a waterfall.

If it was a big one. Go up to Niagara? No, not something altruistic. It could just be like when me, Woody, and Chiz went rafting. There was a waterfall there that you could walk up to and the water was just kind of thundering down on the rocks. That would be cool. You could sit there all fucking day and stare at that. It'd be all wiggly and shit. Or maybe just go into a petting zoo or something like that would be like that'd be cool you could sit there all fucking day and stare at that it'd be all wiggly and shit or maybe just go to like a petting zoo or something like that you know maybe something totally more mild stay away from kids i'm telling you they're

the fucking worst they seem like little animals tearing things apart they're horrible well i'm at a petting zoo kids are hard to deal with on acid kids yes well you don't give the kids acid jesus what'd you expect uh yeah i i enjoyed it thoroughly i had i couldn't imagine having a negative reaction to it because it seemed like what was in my mind had so little to do with what i was seeing because like i remember there was this this like sort of caricaturized clown drawing in the house and it had been like uh airbrushed or something like like like some sort of like street art and like its cheeks had that like this rosy thing where like they they got rosier and rosier toward the center but it was orange and staring at that it would invert and revert from

the perimeter being light and the center being dark to the center being uh light and the perimeter being dark it was like fluxing and it was just like fuck i could stare at this clown all day i think clowns are scary but there was nothing about that scenario that was scary because it was a cartoon clown on a fucking wall it didn't matter that my mind might be like better not start thinking about it it's like why not what would happen i'm on acid i'm not i'm not i'm not insane like you know like i'm not schizophrenic i'm on acid it sounds like acid is the hallucinogen go-to yeah it has been for it has been for me for sure because dmt like we saw that guy do dmt i would still do it but that shit

looks scary right when he started like that guy was fucked up yeah he started coughing up like you know like phlegm and like he seemed like if he were just a little more fucked up he could be he could choke on it

no we do our patron chats with the $50 patrons check out our patreon and uh one of those gentlemen decided to smoke a huge amount of dmt while on the hangout and in a call like this essentially in a call like this a huge amount of dmt well he smoked a little dmt at first, and then Kyle guided him through a nice little pleasant escapade, and then he decided to double down and smoke more DMT later, and he got so fucked up he was sitting there shaking at one point on the chat. There's all of us and 24 other people,

and he just goes like, I don't even. Just vomiting foam out of his mouth like a rabid like a rabid dog just vomiting foam out of his mouth cool pretty much yeah and it didn't it did not sell me on the experience there's like that guy at the baseball game is that have you seen that jif who's sitting there and just throwing up endlessly on his shirt i've seen that yeah just so fucking wasted there's no coming back yeah what was that kyle um i opened i opened up a meme and it turned out to have uh music attached but the meme says uh so my lesbian cousin and her partner got me this for Christmas. It's pretty nice and all.

I don't know. I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's a picture of a Rolex. He goes, but it's not what I meant when I said I want to watch. Ha ha! Bespinga. Because he wanted to watch him have gay sex

With his eyes Because of gay again Because of Rolex though That's a pretty nice gift I don't think they actually sent him a Rolex I think he just thought of a joke and he wanted to make it Someone wouldn't do that online That's what happened

He doesn't even have a cousin if we're being real Go on the internet and tell lies I've heard that joke before it's not even his ah no there you go did it have a picture in your day when you heard it woody did the guy show you a little like it's a day date okay look at this okay now let me tell you what that picture is animated flip books you, from the 1920s. The guys on the bicycle with the big front wheel. What were those called? The penny farthing?

Penny farthing, I always forget. Dude, what were they thinking? Just make both wheels the same size. They didn't have any gears. Penny farthing. I mean, but they... To get on your bike, you have to get up on like a crate of potatoes

and climb onto it. And then you jump on through the back. There's like a peg. You jump on. That's not making a horse silly. Yeah, there's pegs. Exactly. Thank you, Woody. You do not get on a horse by jumping off the pegs.

You don't climb off of the back. Yeah. I've seen penny. Have you ever seen the penny farthing races? Yeah. Those guys are going hard as fuck on penny farthings. And shockingly, you can go pretty hard on a penny farthing.

And the problem is, like we we said you got to get a stack of like potato boxes to get in one of these things so they're up high and going hard as fuck on a penny farthing so when they fall off it's a disaster yeah and like there's no like understanding of concussions or cte so somebody like falls off their penny farthing and they're like, did you notice that Thomas got weird ever since he fell off his penny farthing in the quarter of the race? They do modern day penny farthing racing. Really? Where do they do all this fun stuff?

Is it a Red Bull event that they have at the Red Bull factory? It's not a Red Bull event. Oh my God, they do. These fun stuff is it a red bull event oh no the red bull factory oh my god they do these guys are fucking flying that's what i'm talking about i wasn't talking about the old penny farthing races these guys have penny farthings made out of carbon fiber i only mean they're flying in the context of walking they're not going that quickly like a normal biker would blow past these idiots of course a normal biker would they're on penny farthings there's a reason the butt the wheels are the same size and we have gears and

shit now they're on penny farthings all right woody's about to die if we're being honest woody died like eight minutes ago he's in so much he's just dreaming of penny farthings he's on vacation paramotor on a penny farthing? You know what they do, Kyle? They don't jump up on something. They hold the top ones, and then they use one foot to run, and then they jump up on it. The more you know.

And you know what? What was the alternative? None of this is impressive. Like, nobody's going fast. Okay, that guy's going fast. Why are you such a hater on Penny Farthings, Taylor? This is video seeing people ride them. It's so funny.

And then, oh, Penny Farthing crashes. Penny Farthing crash, number one suggestion. What the fuck was that? Oh, that was probably me. Oh, okay. I wanted to blame Zach. I want to see this video Taylor's looking at with all the Penny Farthings crashing into each other. I'm looking for Penny Farthing crash.

Oh, this guy's going to eat shit. He's flying down the highway. He's got his legs on a Penny Farthing, drooped over the steering lever, and he's died. And he's died. Okay. This is a...

What a fucking stupid sport. We figured out bikes the right way idiot just just do regular biking yeah if you put in penny farthing crash it's not nearly as uh as fun as you'd like but it looks like there's a lot of other ones oh it's just one guy on a two-lane highway eating shit and then his giant wheel crashing into his jaw and falling away. Oh, no. That's terrible. So it wasn't great. We enjoyed having you, Dick. Thank you for coming on.

You guys are fantastic. God. Didn't even notice that we only had half a Woody tonight because you filled that hole so well with your girth and your speed. And my swab. Thank you. Kyle, I'm honestly I'm going to think about I'm going to think about your

obsessive optimizing every time I'm being lazy. And it's just going to make the laziness so much better. Oh, I'm lazy too. No, Mr. Stunt, I'm very lazy at times. But it's when I do a thing, it has to be done well. I might not do a thing for days at a time though well whenever i do a thing half-assed or quit which is always i'm gonna be

extra happy that i did it then imagining you not quitting yeah and if you want to get on the juice let me know because i can i can i can guide you you can hook you up with that juice it's very tempting every year it gets more tempting. It's very cheap. There's no side effects, no downsides. You just get big and strong and sexy. You'll be better looking. You'll get smarter, funnier, faster.

You'll drive cars better. Your handwriting will improve. Your vocabulary will increase. You'll be able to type about 180 words per minute. It's rather shocking. Nobody likes even listening to it at this point. You smell better. You don't have earwax anymore.

I don't know if that bothers you, but you save a lot of money on Q-tips now. That's about it. Maybe if you guys have an affiliate program for it, I'll do it. If you give me $50, I'll help you, though. Just pretend. Just pretend.

No, just buy our comp pills. It's a good affiliate program. Yeah, I want some of those, too. Thanks, guys. Oh, patreon.com slash the Dick Show. That's where I am. Dick.show. Check him out.

Woody, I hope you feel better. Thank you. Taylor, get a correctly sized background, would you? Like, shrink it down so you can see Kyle's. You see how yours is way bigger than Kyle's, so it looks like it doesn't look real? Do you not get that it's a joke, you fucking retard?

It's clearly ironic, idiot. Not a happenstance, circumstance of him just not knowing what he's doing when he cut the video. It has nothing to do with that. That was a joke he's making. A little over some people's heads. Anybody else hear that?

Whoosh! Have a good one. And good night! Bye.