Painkiller Already - PKA 573 W/ Josh Pillault: Prison Body Mod, Honey Bun Scheme, Boomer Moments

Episode Date: December 11, 2021

pka 573 with our guest josh palat taylor this episode of pka brought to you by smart mouth blue chew lock and load jizz pills as well as some wonderful holiday ugly merch hats scarves sweaters down below if you're interested in that check out the link and use pka 20 the code for 20 off all the ugly ugly Christmas attire you would like. Josh, thank you so much for joining us. I cannot count the number of times that your name was brought up in my Twitch chat from like a year ago where people were like, get this guy on, get this guy on, especially when Kyle had just gotten out of prison. So you have, I'll say, a touch more experience with federal prison than Kyle. And by that, I mean about 30 times as much.

So can you break down what landed you there and the surrounding situation? Because it's a fascinating situation. It's fascinating. It definitely is fascinating. That's one of the many colorful adjectives we can use for it. Glad to be here, guys. I know that it did take a while, and I appreciate everybody that shouted out repeatedly trying to get me on. Yes, I did go to prison for a little bit longer than Kyle, although we were both at Talladega, just separated by a few razor wires.

Long story short, let me see how I've explained this in the past. I've given the rundown a few times. In 2012, I was playing an online video game known as RuneScape. It was one of my favorite games from age 2004 until I just logged off of it an hour ago. And I was very, very drunk playing with a friend of mine named Anthony that was trying to download me to convince me to download a game making light of a school shooting that happened in 1999. How old are you? I was 19 years old at the time, I meant to say. So I was about to say that I was drunk.

It wasn't legal already in and of itself because I was 19. So you began the night by committing a crime. Oh, I was already doing it big. A victimless crime. Yeah, the victimless crime. Not to the FBI. I did not think that the video game was very funny. I did Google it.

I looked it up. I did not download it. video game was very funny I did Google it I looked it up I did not download it The FBI said I downloaded it We later had to actually make a point in court To get them to take it off the record that I downloaded it Because I did not Even though the judge shrugged and said he didn't know what download meant anyway He said you can win on that point

I don't know what download means That's a horrible thing to run into in the middle of an internet crime I don't understand the downloads It means possess It means I have no possession of this game It means I looked through the middle of an internet crime i don't understand the downloads i had no possession of this game it means i looked through the window of a store at it and walked away exactly exactly the digital equivalent that's very very well phrased i wish i would have thought to say that instead of saying i'm going to jail yeah if i would have been you know in a little bit of

a better mindset maybe i could have explained it better. But anyways, me being drunk and in those days, admittedly, being a little bit more hairy on the neck, if you will, I decided that a third party busted in and told me I was a dumbass for discussing this particular massacre at all, for even mentioning the name of it and encouraged me to call him on the phone and end my life with him on the phone. Now, if I'm not mistaken, that's a crime, but i don't think this guy got in trouble because my drunk ass decided i said i love that particular school shooting man i'm obsessed with it i'm gonna do it myself ha ha ha ha motherfucker i'm just kidding or i said i'm being sarcastic and i had the long transcript i just recently moved to new orleans and my paperwork's all put up but i have the long transcript where i actually said it's called sarcasm.

Nonetheless, four days later, I also said some things. That school can be gravel if I have anything to say about it. That word gravel becoming very important when it went before the grand jury because that constitutes a bomb threat, which gave me a new charge separate from the other one. Four days later, the bomb squad, the FBI, the SWAT team, and the boys all showed up at my house, the helicopter in the sky, the bomb sniffing dogs that I didn't know existed on October 8th of 2012, that was,

and came and got me out of my mom's house with a whole lot of empty bottles of alcohol because I was not doing too great in life. And due to the fact that I was a bit of a slacker who preferred a bit of the drink and the smoke to working a good job, a big, big example was made out of me. And I ended up ultimately being sentenced to six years in federal prison, most of which I served at medium high securities, excluding a violation of probation that sent me back. That is wild. And I'm assuming like the long or the length of your sentence, you say that was tied to gravel, like the bomb, the bomb aspect of it. Right. It was poignant that I received six years because five years was the maximum charge statutory sentence for one of the two charges.

The charges that I was faced with were transmitting threats and interstate and foreign commerce, transmitting threats to kill and injure the person of another, which has a statutory maximum of five years. Now, the day before jury deliberation, when I had my lawyer came to me and said, you're either going to plead out today or you're going to take this court and get 15 years. It's your last chance. You better plead out. I pled out to the more serious charge of transmitting threats to destroy buildings by means of fire and explosives, which I could not have even gotten six years for if that was the one that i would have played out to as it was occurring and everything's unfolding was there a certain point were you like afraid of going to prison the whole time or in the beginning were you like this is bullshit it's obviously a joke was there a moment where you're like oh no this is real yeah the moment where i started realizing that i might be in over my head

even though i'd already been to court multiple times at this point was uh two months later a little over two months later when the new town sandy hook massacre happened and that was all over tv and that was when i was like that is very sad to begin with but also unfortunate timing for me and so you fired upuneScape and you got ready for a little trolling. I was already in jail when the Sandy Hook happened. I was sitting in a jail cell with a bunch of other dudes just watching on TV as this

unfolded like, oh, they are really going to want to scapegoat for this. A lot of people have referred to me as the RuneScape goat, of course, for taking the hit while playing RuneScape. How does jail compare to prison? In my personal opinion, if you've got time to do prison, it's the way to go. One million percent.

So, so much better. So much more to do. You can actually go outside and walk around and see the sunlight, check out a guitar with your ID or whatever. So much better to do time in prison. If you have a year to do, trust me, I'd rather be in prison than jail. Jail is like a deck of cards and a TV and a bunch of angry men that don't know their fate yet at least men in prison have somewhat become resigned y'all have cards they had gone on a hunger strike

the month before to get kool-aid at my jail oh damn yeah um it was uh it i was so glad to get out of jail i didn't i didn't shower or eat for like two days, three days, however long I was in there. I was like, we'll get out soon. We'll get out soon. And then another day would pass. Yep. For sure today, right?

Surely this is going to be the end of this. Yeah. You guys were so close together, and you were both in federal prison. I was interested. I even wrote it down. Oh, were we? Were you there? Literally there at the same identical time

no i don't think so i transferred out of talladega in 2016 okay okay but i was there from 14 to 16 and i did actually sit on the softball field at talladega like 300 yards away from you would later be and go bro do you remember that russian guy that used to do the gun videos on youtube my boy was like yeah man fps russia that shit was crazy he had the gun thrower YouTube. My boy was like, yeah, man, FPS Russia, that shit was crazy. He had the gun thrower, the flamethrower and all the big guns. I was like, yeah, and little did I know. I'll be staying down there soon. Yeah, right next door. He'd be at the camp just in a few short years, which I don't really know too

much about the camp. I had a friend called Atlas that came over from there, got caught with a phone, but from what I heard, it was a relatively sweet time, right? Oh, yeah. I think definitely compared to medium security because everyone that had come from a medium security or that medium security prison was really happy to be in the camp hell yeah i bet they were and uh like a lot of them were would tell nightmare stories that place and whenever somebody would get caught they would be like i hope they just

put them in the hole they don't transfer them to medium and uh i remember one day they were trying they were picking us out to go serve lunch up there because they were in lockdown. They were like, everybody's locked down in their cells. And so their lunch is going to be passed through on a tray. And it's not going to be a regular lunch. It'll be like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Of course, yeah. And so they're picking out like five or ten of us to go up there and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and put them through doors.

And I'm like, I don't want to fucking go. And she said, well, you don't have a choice and i'm thinking like i think i do probably but i don't really want to argue this let me just point out that i'm not medically cleared to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and that'll be bad because that was the case i always dodged that medical clearance as like no matter what test or something why do you lie about having aids no i i took the the tv test immediately that was like the first or second thing they did. Yeah, they stick that in my arm like that. Yeah, they X-rayed me and then they immediately like gave me the TV thing.

Like that was the first. I had forgotten all about that. But no, it was just medical clearance, like basic physical to make sure that you weren't going to drop dead. Break your spine or something. Yeah, passing out the trays. Yeah, and I was like, you guys would be liable if you send me up there to make sure that you weren't going to drop dead spawn or something yeah passing out trays yeah and i was like you guys would be liable if you send me up there to make sandwiches and i i keel over and she's like i guess so i was so glad i didn't want to go up there it sounded scary so josh what was the trial like i've spent a lot of time in that shoe okay so the trial um

i didn't really technically have a trial because I did end up pleading guilty. A lot of people say, oh, he pled guilty. He must be guilty or whatever, but I don't think they're aware of how the legal system really works, especially with the feds. Kyle, as you know, they've got a good 98, 99% conviction rate somewhere in that neighborhood.

Damn. I had to plead to two counts. I only did one of them yep exactly like yeah pretty much taking a plea deal if you defend yourself and you're still found guilty which you ultimately will be in 90 plus percent of cases you're just going to get a lot more time for it and i remember there's a point there's a point during sentencing where the where they're reading this thing out and maybe the judge is even reading it out and he's he's like do you like you're basically swearing that you are guilty.

Which one did you think you were innocent of, Kyle? Distribution, for sure. You got hit with a distribution charge. Can I jump in? I thought distribution could be described as sharing it with a girlfriend. That's how they described it. Which you were guilty of. Yeah, but that's how they described it which you were guilty of the judge yeah but

that's nonsense like if we if we'd taken that and argued in like an open court like that they proved that you gave her some or there was a text message where i invited her over to the point is i don't think a judge the judge asked he's like he's like all right so there's the possession but i don't understand the intent and they're like well there was a message where he asked his girlfriend if she wanted to to to smoke the marijuana with him and he's like that's not that's not intent to distribute i wouldn't think it would meet the and she's like well he well he he thinks it is and i'm like yeah yeah i guess i do like that's too late now it went down um and there was a point where it's like do you swear that that you're guilty of the things you say you're guilty of

and i'm thinking like god i hope wasn't a perjury charge. Because I knew this shit. What was the one you felt like you were guilty of, though? You were innocent in one of these that you pled guilty to. Possession. Possession. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I had this shit in my pocket, you know,

walking out of the post office when they grabbed me. Does that conform to me that basketball shorts were invoked in your sentencing at some point? Yeah, yeah. Because I was wearing shorts, that meant that there was no that meant that that was proof that I was heading straight back to my home because there's no way they made it sound like I was in my underwear or like a robe. Like you were in a robe. Like I was in a robe. I was running out to the mailbox or something or getting the paper. And obviously this guy, see, that's what that law or that idea would be meant for the guy in his robe at the end of the driveway who's picking up a package and clearly taking it back into his house yeah i'm down the road at a post office like in

my fucking car like i was wearing basketball shorts that people wear hot it was august basketball shorts kyle you always said shorts okay yeah yeah uh just basketball shorts and like a t-shirt or something and that's evidence that you were going straight home to smoke the marijuanas yeah so that's what got them the uh you know into the house or whatever but all that got like knocked out um that's why things went federal that's supposed to be first amendment that you can wear whatever the flying fuck you want to wear without it being held against you but uh that whole thing was nonsense but your thing is even more nonsense. Alright, so I don't condone the things you said.

Me neither. I would like to make that clear. A lot of people seem to think that I'm saying I did nothing wrong. Let me go ahead and nip that before we go further. What I did was fucked. Punishment was warranted. My position is that the FBI is crooked, the prosecution system is crooked, and that my time was a little bit too much.

That's it. We should have had to do clean police cars. That would have been an appropriate punishment. See, some probation or something. How about a video apology to the other guy? That's a little rough. The kid in Virginia that reported me. I'm pretty sure he was like 15 at the time.

I don't even think he knows what he's doing to me. Apologize to him. That's what I do if I'm the judge. You have apologize to him and like use his screen name and and like just embarrass yourself a little that's it the idea of sending you to prison for like popping off at the mouth while you're drunk and barely considered an adult at 19 like you can't even buy cigarettes at 19 anymore uh it's pretty fucking wild and it sounds like there were a lot of like hedging statements like i'm obviously i'm being sarcastic i'm joking clearly i. And it sounds like there were a lot of hedging statements. Like, I'm obviously being sarcastic. I'm joking.

Clearly, I don't mean this. There was really only one in particular with me that I can really definitively say should have been the clearance, if you will. It was when I did say, it's called sarcasm. Point blank in the middle of my tirade, I did say, it's called sarcasm, Molly, to a player apparently named Molly.

And then then of course with my uh very high brain capacity at that time i said lol do you like molly molly so and they see where my head was at 10 out of 10 joke you can see where my head was at did i get brought up did i get brought up in the case at all no it actually now you're a dealer they probably play every angle that wasn't this guy yelled this threat was really downplayed. They tried to belittle the fact that it was in an online game with anonymous names where your chat disappears after 30 seconds.

They tried to belittle the fact that teachers from the school wrote character reference letters for me on my behalf. The assistant principal from my middle school, who spent most of his time at the high school and ostensibly would have died in any potential attack sat in the front row at my sentencing hearing and waved at me when I came in the door. They tried to belittle all of this and keep it really covered up. I also meant to say that as far as the sentencing hearing goes, when I pled guilty at the time, there was a pending case for online threats, Alonis versus United States. He's

a guy who made a rap saying that he was going to kill his wife and then blow up a kindergarten or something stupid like that. Uh, in a rap song, he wrote it in a rap song and it was a pending case before the Supreme court. And at the time that I made my threats, the threshold for what, you know, the bar for the crime is could a reasonable person, a reasonable third party interpret it as being a legitimate threat. If the answer is yes, such as yelling fire in a theater or whatever, bomb on an airplane, if the answer to that is yes, then it's not protected by the First Amendment. It was constituted as a true

threat. Alonis versus the United States actually raised the bar to now requiring proof of criminal intent. So if I made that threat today and I don't have guns in my home and they can tell that I was not trying to do anything other than piss off this one guy and not cause a real panic, then I wouldn't go to prison for it today. What if you threatened to go to the hospital bed of a former UFC fighter and slowly

choke the life out of him while you stare into his weak, weak eyes? Believe it or not, legal. Should be legal. If you make it a conditional statement, it's always, always protected. Like if I get drafted into the military, I'm going to slaughter that man. Yeah. Yeah. The broad daylight provides normally protected. where the prosecution is trying to take advantage of a 70-year-old judge being like, Your Honor, not only are these jokes uncouth and inappropriate, he was literally laughing his ass off, rolling on the floor laughing at the prospect of Columbine. My friend, was there anything like that? My whole case was a boomer moment, man. From start to finish, everything about my entire prosecution and sentencing was nothing but a boomer moment. At one point in time, I mentioned the fact that my case was defined by Generation Gap, and the judges and the prosecutors turned bright red, dude. The judge and the prosecutors got pissed off. The judge started slamming his gavel real hard, and from then on

out, it was wild. The worst part for me was whenever we were arguing the point in my pre-sentencing hearing. They said, the defendant downloaded a video game making fun of the column behind shooting in 1999. And we argued, we said, objection. The FBI forensic analysis proved that he did not download the game. There was a Google search for it. The page was open. The game was not downloaded, which was my story all along.

The judge shrugged and goes, I don't know what the term download nor attempt to download means so i don't find it to be relevant you can have that objection you win on that point and i'm like that was a fucking white elephant that was a bittersweet present right there like you win but it's not changing my mind about anything you win but he has such little capacity to understand the ramifications of you winning that point that it doesn't matter oh yeah exactly it's a helpless moment like i didn't have that in in the marijuana case but when we had that gun possession charge like when i was 22 like that judge literally didn't know the law and and like like i i had all that nonsense printed off the internet and i argued our fucking case in front of a goddamn judge and had a meltdown

if i hadn't said that i think he was going to sentence us to something like like like he was he was firing brimstone up there and it was just nonsense all we had done was open carried guns with carry permits it's it's scary when the judge doesn't know some really relevant information yeah recklessly swinging sentences out there giving dudes 50 years and doesn't even know what the hell's going on yeah it doesn't seem like there's any accountability for a lot of judges. They just kind of do their own thing and they're allowed to. Ironically, if you've ever served any time in jail or prison, you are not

fit to determine the amount of time that other people should receive in jail or prison. You can't be a judge if you've actually been to prison. It's kind of odd if you ask me personally. You all have no concept of what that time is actually like on a day-to-day basis, but you're just handed out 50s and 60s and 40s and maybe they should like maybe they should treat prison time like they do with uh with like pepper spray like like a cop can't

carry the pepper spray unless he's been sprayed with it yeah maybe we should maybe we should give you a little solitary confinement for a few weeks that would probably do a lot for sentencing reform i bet it would unironically, that would work. You put some 55-year-old, 65-year-old judge in solitary for one week. They'll be like, oh, my God. This is brutal. I've been giving people 50 years. Yep, exactly.

A little eye-opening. I was watching your recap video to get a more full understanding of the situation. And you were answering a question about like oh did i drop the soap and you said no all the prisons i went to they all had their own showers yeah and and you you like like i guess it's like an understood thing when you go to prison you're like i was in medium maximum so we all had our own shower meanwhile kyle in minimum was showering in groups like in a line is that how it is everywhere uh when i when i caught a violation i went to a low security for the first time this

still wasn't a camp so i'm not sure how they do it at camps but at a low security it was basically an open shower but it had six like draw curtains and you would have to wait in a line for it but it wasn't like open where you were actually showering everywhere else that i went though yeah i had individual showers with some type of barrier or cloth for protection. We had four or five stalls with concrete walls that went up to here on me, five feet tall

or so, and then a shower curtain you'd pull behind. I noticed that the guys who'd done a lot of time wouldn't let anybody walk behind them in the shower. You'll make that mistake once, I assume. They either want the corner one or they stand facing out. If you were walking let anybody walk behind them yeah in the shower yeah you'll make that mistake once i say you don't want the corner one are they staying facing out yeah well like like if you were walking out like like because you you would announce it like leaving you know number four or whatever like

now you got to walk behind this dude i noticed he turned around covers dick and balls and kind of wait till you pass like like he wouldn't he'd wait till like you had passed by him because he knew you were about to walk behind him and he's fucking naked. Maybe I'd stab him. It was weird that he had that muscle. He knows I'm not going to stab him, but it's weird that he still has that muscle memory from where he was before. It was an interesting thing. I was glad there wasn't a big room with spigots coming out of the wall because that's what I assumed. I had prepared mentally for that.

That's what my high school shower was like just a chamber of hoses basically yeah it's most of the places i went it was more private than probably what like a high school gym so tell me what what was it like i guess there was a moment at one point where they either your lawyer or someone or whatever told you or in one way or another it became evident that you were going to do a lot of time, like, like not just six months, there wasn't gonna be community service this time around. This was going to be multiple years of federal prison.

When did that occur? When you realized that that was very likely. Good question. And I will be totally honest. I didn't know until he sent it to me. Oh, that's brutal. My guideline range recommended a maximum of two years my guideline

range was 18 to 24 months i was sentenced to six so when i went to sentencing i did not act on my best behavior because i'm sitting here thinking i've got this life figured out i'm gonna go in here and be me and make my point be a sarcastic asshole and the worst he can do is seven months because i didn't think he was gonna have the dick to give me an upward variance. It's been more time. His dick's 30 feet long. He says triple, triple my sentence. The boy's got cojones like basketballs.

He was not afraid at all to give me that much time. You felt like he upped your sentence because you're an asshole. Probably, man. That's another flaw with the system. I don't have a suggestion to improve it, man, but I don't know what was going on through his head that day.

Yeah, fuck the system. I walked in there and I said, hey, faggot. I don't think I fully grasped in what way you were an asshole. How did you get your sentence, Tripp? Okay, well, on the sentencing day, I did not go in there apologetic. I typically keep my hair pretty long and Shaggy and Flippy didn't bother to cut it or trim it in any way. I went in there with it kind of all on my face and i flipped my hair around and i smiled a lot and uh i didn't take it very seriously they put me on the stand at the end because i just told my lawyer i was like you need to put me up there because i'm the only one who understands what

they've got no idea how this happened at least let me explain and that just wasn't a good idea man i got up there and they tried to burn me on cross, uh, cross examination. Now my case isn't as black and white as I always say it is, or not that I always say it is as much as a headline would make it seem right. I was a pretty, I was a ne'er-do-well prior to my incarceration. I was known for drugs and drinking and, you know, being dropped out of high school, et cetera, et cetera. Um, and another thing that I was interested in at the time was violent rap. Um, I was listening to a lot of Tyler, the creator before I got locked up and I grew up listening to Eminem and I had my hands in that at the time. And so part of my little fun was I would write these violent raps when I was in jail to entertain myself. Once again, I was just showing,

you know, I was green as summer grass because a contact pedophile in the county jail heard that I was rapping and sent the feds after my notebooks. Got a time cut so they could use these notebooks as evidence against me. So I had to defend these raps that I wrote in front of these 70-year-old men and a courtroom full of people in my town. Can you say any lyrics to the raps that you had to defend? I can, but I would like to disclaim that i was 19 i was very very sarcastic i'm still a pretty sarcastic guy but or no no i'm not clear enough i'd probably just get off the beat anyways um but i will say that it was a joke this is the line that they quoted. Okay. But this is a joke. I can't wait for this. It was about my situation.

I was in jail for making fun of Columbine or whatever. Okay. Well, in this song, it was supposed to be a joke back and forth between me and a therapist, but the FBI got involved and it makes it sound a lot worse, but okay. So it starts off in the therapist talking about my dreams.

And please remember that I'm joking again. Yeah. Oh man, here they come. They're going to kick my dreams, and please remember that I'm joking again. Yeah. Oh, man. Here they come. They're going to kick my door, and I've done so much since I got out. Don't let me fall. All right, here we go. So the stupid voice would be the therapist.

Okay. I think we're getting closer to the root of these things. So tell me, Josh, exactly what do you see in your dreams? Well, once I dreamed that Dylan Klebold from Columbine gave me his Tech 9 and pointed me up to the front line. How did you respond? Did you drop the gun? Nah, I kicked the fucking doors down and sprayed everyone, but then the cops had to come and so I started to run and killed a couple till I ran out of ammo and screamed

done. And then there's a little bit more and then I had a section about how sad I was. Dude, those were sick lines. And they didn't like that? They didn't find that humorous at all. They did not appreciate the rhyme scheme in the slightest. I do. They did not find that humorous at all. They did not appreciate the rhyme scheme in the slightest. They did not find that witty or intelligent.

They found it to be serious. I think maybe the problem was you allowed that to be read by a prosecutor when if you had rapped in open court, I truly believe you would have spent the rest of your fucking life in prison. Yeah, definitely. Luckily, the prosecutor read it.

So it didn't sound as bad as when I rhyme and make it gleeful. Um, they didn't refer to them as raps. They refer to those as personal notes and drawings is what they said that they would not, they would not call them lyrics. They wouldn't call them anything other than personal notes is what they referred to.

They called them mini manifestos. Yeah. That was kind of the implication was that I had basically written down everything I intended to do when it was clear the whole song was a joke um and i had another section that they intentionally misread in the same song where i was actually lamenting gun violence ironically um i said last month some dude named adam up in newtown tore the wings from 20 angels and they crashed to the ground and he read that part and he goes now that was mr adam lanza in newtown right because i was in jail when that happened i said yes and he, so you were just laughing at this. You're laughing about Mr. Adam Lanza killing these children. I

said, the very next sentence says humanity is beautiful and strong, but at the same time, we're fucking, I go on an anti-gun rant about how I wish that people would stop hurting each other and that it's crazy that that shit's still happening. They did not read that. They completely ignored that. In that therapy song that I was just rapping, there was a line. First off, when they first confiscated my shit, they highlighted the offensive parts, photocopied it for evidence and sent it back to me. They must've run out of highlighters because they gave me back the stack of paper, like legit the whole first, like 14 pages were just covered in highlighter.

And then I guess they just gave up because after that it was equally bad. But, um, in the therapy, when I made a joke about how my mom is openly married to a woman and i said in there uh that i i hit i what i say on a whim i'm liable to hit a bitch in the chin not bitches like females i never hurt them my mom seems to have a preference for women over men so that part where i said i don't hit women was not highlighted the part where i said my mom's married to a woman was highlighted as offensive. Literally everything on the whole page except for I don't hit women was highlighted. Let me just say that effectively is highlighting that one sentence. If you highlight everything but that, it's pretty much highlighting it. It's essentially deleting that one sentence and leaving everything else behind.

Yes, exactly. Jesus Christ. That's absurd. That must have been a really fun trial to watch If you weren't about to go to prison There'd be a fly on the wall there That would have been fun to watch My friends laughed at the Columbine line I had friends in the courtroom and they laughed

At the Columbine line I don't think that helped my case They thought the rap was funny And they were probably trying to help me I didn't specifically bring anybody I'd been in jail for 17 months I didn't make bonds Who showed up showed up My were probably trying to help me i mean i didn't specifically bring anybody i'd been in jail for 17 months i didn't make bonds so i mean who showed up who showed up you know and my friends were there to support me and they thought it'd be a good idea to laugh openly at

that line and i was like look i know that i wrote it to be funny but now it's not the fucking time for us to be laughing at this that is wasn't the time for me to be writing about it to be fair and they actually that shows you the feds priorities They had no evidence on me suggesting that I was actually going to do it, and so they gave a pedophile a time cut to get raps that I wrote. Completely fictional raps. That is wild. It's like bullshit that the pedophile

is the winner in this thing. The drunk runescape player is the guy that we're focused on. What are the Feds doing? That guy raped a kid, and he got a year off or something to sell you down the river probably more than a year he probably got a 50 you know here we here we are talking about how cases can be nuanced right how how you don't always hear the full story

and yet we're railing against this pedophile we don't know that's a strong point you have no idea how hot that kid is taylor thank you thank you maybe it's one of those gymnast kids. The guy's also a snitch. He's a pedophile and a snitch. He's the two worst things that you can be in there. He's a pedo snitch. What I'm hearing is the man has good taste and he likes to tell a story. Okay? Sounds pretty familiar to me. He likes to tell a story. Telling stories is good. It depends who

we tell the fucking story to. And now he's back, you know, casting in Hollywood. He's back working at Nickelodeon again now that's how bill cosby got out of prison he's casting the next sandlot as we speak plot twist oh good sandlot seven little rascals still sanding littler rascals oh god little rascals the big secret dot. It's, how did you, like, I guess, I'm a little confused because you said that you felt like your attitude got you a higher sentencing,

but it was a plea deal. So you weren't, like, surprised at it. You agreed to it. I can't. So what I agreed to was to only be charged with one count and to not have a trial. Like, you're guilty, and this is the count that you're pleading out to. That was it.

There were no stipulations regarding sentence. They reserved their right to request the statutory maximum, which, of course, they did try to give me the statutory maximum of 10 years. My attitude in there was largely dismissive regarding my raps that I read and stuff like that. I got up there, and I just shrugged about it. I never said I was sorry. If current you could have represented past you,

you would have done much better. Probably still would have gotten shit on, but probably a lot better, yeah. The judge really hated me, man. I ended up catching a violation. I was out for... When I got out, I went to a halfway house. I was there for four months and I got house arrest. After house arrest ended, I was immediately

sent to rehab as a precautionary measure due to my history, not because I was there for four months and I got house arrest. After house arrest ended, I was immediately sent to rehab as a precautionary measure due to my history, not because I was caught relapsing or anything like that, which I had, but I had not been caught. Mandatory rehab. I got out. They cut the ankle bracelet off of me. Come on. Cool. Like 40 days later, I was back in jail on my way back to prison. Less than a month and a half.

And for the violation was for smoking weed and drinking beer i went over to a friend's house rode around in a car for a little while smoked a joint and drank a couple beers failed a drug test for it got violated well that judge gave me the same judge that sentenced me the first time gave me one year of hard time in prison followed by mandatory six full months in the halfway house a year and a half long sentence for smoking weed. I had an acquaintance in the County jail that with that same judge, he had absconded from his probation, stopped calling his probation officer, started shooting meth,

ran from the cops when they tried to pull him over, crashed his car, got caught with meth and with needles and a hot drug test for meth. Pretty cool guy. Same judge gave him six months. Same exact judge. He was probably polite. That must be what it was.

That was the difference. I don't know if I remind him of somebody that fucked his daughter or what, man, but the judge hated my guts. Just recently, I made a YouTube video addressing him directly, and I have a pretty good feeling that he has seen it. And I've gotten my two cents out there because the whole case was an absolute travesty. That was a good move. You should give the judge a piece of your mind. This will never burn you. I'm off probation now.

I just got off my supervisor release. They got to give me a new charge. That means that you can never go back. Yes. Double jeopardy. I've already been to double. Double jeopardy. I've already committed a crime. You can't send me back a third time.

I've already been back again. You can't send me again man that's so fucked yeah um i will say like i was so careful this last two years not to fucking smoke any weed or or or do anything that that was going to test positive on that fucking piss test because that like for the longest time i i was getting tested every 10 days at least like for months I was getting tested every 10 days and then even when it did slow down and it was just it was just pop-in visits it was still every couple months that was covered maybe it slowed down a little not almost completely stopped during

COVID yeah it slowed down a little bit but I want to say Kodafone was still like happening that's where I call in they had a color listen to them to call my number then i have to go to into a like a third party place that takes my piss um but those people thought the whole thing was ridiculous you know because because i i also had to do my counseling there um so like the counselor knows my story and uh and she's told everybody there because it's so ridiculous it's not like it's not even like it's private privileged information it's just like you don't hear a funny story kind of shit and so like they all know that like i'm in there for half an ounce of marijuana and it's just a big joke um it was uh that that part was actually really nice everybody i dealt with every step of the way was at the very least professional and

polite even the prosecutor and the judge and the people that i i'm not the biggest fans of they were all professional and polite, which almost makes it worse. You almost wish that they were assholes, but they're just so matter of fact, and this is just their day. That's what they do is ruin people's lives day by day basis.

Tell them. They're evil like that pink suited woman in Harry Potter. Yeah. You're going to have to go to detention with the dragon rapist ogre. Umbridge, yeah. Yeah, yes. I remember I accepted the plea deal, to detention with the dragon rapist ogre umbridge yeah yes i i remember like i i've i've i've

accepted the plea deal and um i think i'm there to like accept the plea deal to to plead guilty essentially to to the things i've done and there will be another trip you also don't know what the sentence is when you accept the plea deal right no but you have guidelines and what happened to him is pretty rare that they just went out and tripled the guidelines or whatever. Like my guidelines said I think maybe two years was the most or something like that. At first it was five or six. At first it was five or six. And I had sort of wrapped my head around doing three to five years.

And I kind of told my parents. I was like it's probably going to be, you know, best case scenario like two years. And I might have to do five years. And I kind of wrapped my head around doing three to five years and i kind of told my parents i was like it's probably going to be you know best case scenario like two two years and i might have to do five years and i'd kind of wrap my head around that i was cool with it or whatever but then we like at the last minute that we had we had nailed down a better plea agreement to the the two charges and uh and and now we're down to like you know two years maximum so i i wasn't that concerned um two months was a pretty pleasant surprise maybe it could yeah well it could have been i thought it was gonna be zero honestly the way the way the way the mood was going in the courtroom it felt like i was winning every step of the way it was just

like because the judge was like wait a minute he didn't understand the distribution part like i like i said earlier he was just like well that's not distribution and she's like well he's pleading guilty to it. And I'm like, this is almost like there's a guy behind me with a gun. I'm like, yes, I am. Yes, yes, I admit it. Okay. I did it, Judge.

You didn't think the move was to stop pleading guilty to that? Oh, no. Oh, no. Then we start everything over. And now I have embarrassed her in front of the fucking judge. Oh, God, no. Now they spent $3 million. Okay. over you harder and now i have embarrassed her in front of the fucking judge oh god no now it's going on now they spent three million dollars okay yeah now they spent three million dollars

and i spent 300 years every so often i find myself in a situation where i'm selling something or i'm trying to convince someone of some idea and once you win you stop right if they say yes you don't keep selling you stupid fuck right you've got your win stop yep overselling you never want to do that can you imagine woody doing the show without kyle for five years i'm not coming back i'm killing myself if they give me five five is the end disappearing i wouldn't put that past you just no you would you want to think about it but yeah you would have got jerry so josh now you're taylor did you want to lead yeah i had you mentioned you said like in passing i spent a lot of time in that shoe yeah shoe being the solitary confinement thing can you explain what put you there and how much time total you think you spent?

The first time that I went to the shoe at Talladega, man, the very first time, what was it? It was something really stupid, I want to say. I think it was for a rolling paper. I can't think. Was that the first time? You take brown napkins and you add maple syrup and a little bit of jelly to them. And then whenever you roll up either cigarettes or K2 spice or whatever they're smoking,

it'll burn like a cigar real slow and sweet, you know? And we would pre-make those. We just took a soap dish and we would mix the syrup with, you know, the jelly in a soap dish like this. And then we'd rip up napkins, just lay it in there. So whenever we want one, we can just pull it out. Well, technically that's contraband to mix up your stuff that you already have.

You can have napkins and syrup and jelly, but when you put them together in a certain order, it's a 300 series shot. Can I quickly jump in and give you an even more ridiculous example of contraband? A guy had these little rolls of Oreo-style cookies, but they're in a sleeve, like a single sleeve, and that plastic shit. And you open it. There's no resealing that right so this guy had taken his leftover cookies and he had put them in like a folgers freeze-dried crystals like plastic thing that was like like this big like that was contraband wrong wrong uh he's got cookies stored in the coffee jar and and it wasn't like some like shitty guard was like making a big deal out of it the

warden the warden he would be the one i'm like pete her i'm peeking over the wall at her and she's just like contraband and i'm like those are i didn't say this but in my head i'm like those are vanilla cookies maybe i should go through my shit again yeah okay no cookies in the coffee jar madeband. He just probably didn't want them to get stale. That's exactly right. Yeah. It's simple. He just didn't want to eat all the cookies right now.

Yeah. But that's incorrect packaging. That's the same contraband series shot that I'm talking about. 300 series is like, it's a 332 or something. It's like one of the most minor shots that you can get, but technically they have the option to put you in the shoe or not. And if it's pretty low in there, they'll do it to justify the pay of the guy that has to hand out the trays.

And I was in there for like nine days over that and ended up, I think, losing 30 days of commissary privileges for a napkin with some jelly on it. Was that another time you got caught with some deco? No. The end of my sentence when I was in prison in Florida, I ended up doing like four months in there because I actually ended up getting caught with an actually contraband substance on my way to the rec yard that wasn't even mine at the time. We'll get to that one. I'm sorry I cut you off. The tobacco one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The tobacco one, they got three man cells at the medium. One of the four blocks is three man. That's where you go when you get off the bus. And all the nicer cells are two man. And eventually, ostensibly what you want is for one of their cellmates to leave. They say, hey, you're cool. You come stay in the two man with me. You get out of the three man.

Well, the three man cells get packed, obviously. Three men are legally not supposed to live in one. But they call a child one day and I went to go into my cell to get my ID to scan for food. And a guy that was going to sell me a cigarette was standing there. So I said, hey, man, come in here real quick. And he steps into my cell. My cellmates come in to get their card. So there's four of us in a three-man cell,

and a lieutenant happened to be in the block. And he's like, why are there so many people in that fucking cell over there? Hey, what are y'all doing over here? And he comes running in just being an absolute Simpsons character. Dude, he really, that is what he sounded like. And his name was his name. Oh, I can't say his name. I forgot. He shared a name with a very popular Simpsons cartoon character.

And it was pretty fucking fitting to be honest with you. Um, Clancy Wiggum, the dude, the dude was an absolute spaz and he found cigarettes on the one guy. And all four of us went to the hole for like fucking three weeks. Um, Jesus.

Until we finally got to go to the disciplinary committee that was super harsh on us all. We all got the possession of tobacco, even though one guy had in his pocket, it was completely outrageous. Oh. And also whenever they did that, they shook down our cell and they found a tiny pinch,

like two flakes of tobacco in the trash can caught a slipping. And so we actually had two tobacco shots for that. I mean, we're talking a pinch that somebody dusted off a piece of paper after they rolled up a cigarette. That sucks. And then I did end up at Mariana, Florida, doing several months straight in solitary confinement because I got caught with Suboxone on my way to the rec yard. What is Suboxone? It is a medicine for recovering opiate addicts.

But if you're not addicted to opiates, it feels like you're on opiates. And there wasn't a drug test for it at that time. So it was really popular. Exactly. The same as methadone. I think it's the same. I think it might be the same chemical, buprenorphine. Okay.

I think it's almost the exact same thing. But yeah, methadone, suboxone, it's pretty much the same thing, except for, you know, those Listerine mouth strips that you touch. That's the consistency of suboxone. So you just take like a little sliver of it, put it under your tongue and ta-da, it feels like you're on pills or whatever.

And I happen to have some of my pocket got caught with it. And instead of transferring me to another prison, since I was only four months away, I just ended up doing the rest of the time in the shoe. And it sucked just sitting there. What kind of, is there a TV? Can you get books in there? Is there anything to do in the shoe? Once a week, they bring around a cart of books most of the time they're missing their last pages or they're ripped in half something like that you

know um other than that you got a cellmate you got a celly a bunk bed and a toilet sink you have a celly issue that's yeah i know that you can technically refuse one but you'll get in more trouble for that and i wasn't there to you know start any fires i had a good cellmate i liked them we got along fine. Solitary confinement. That doesn't mean what I think it is. Right, right. Well, in this case, we call it solitary. It's really the SHU, the Special Housing Unit. Solitary, in this case, is more of a nickname for it.

I think in state prisons, you will actually be by yourself, but solitary or the SHU or the pocket or the side bucket, just a lot of nicknames for it. Okay. What about violence? Did you have to join a gang to feel like you were protected did how did you stay away from trouble so i personally did not join any gangs uh the talladega medium high security had a lot of independence so you have cars which is basically a gang of people

that aren't in a gang yeah it's like an odd way to describe weird people yeah pretty much yeah you got the cliques to stick together but then cars are also divided by region like the north mississippi car the mississippi car as a whole you know like i was from mississippi and i'm in prison alabama i'm technically already in the mississippi car but um talladega had a lot of independence in that car and so basically what you do is you go to the guy that is the shot caller for the independence they don't really need a shot caller because they don't do anything the independence don't start any bullshit uh show your paperwork i'm not a snitch. I'm not a sex offender, whatever.

He says, okay, cool. Here's where we sit in the chow hall. Make sure you're riding with us. And then if you do have any problems, for example, one time I went to buy stamps from a gang member and he tried to short me about 20 bucks worth of stamps. Instead of me handling that

and getting killed by all of them, I went and talked to my shot caller. He went and talked to their shot caller. They got me the money. The dude fessed up was like, yeah, okay. I tried to, I miscounted and talked to their shot caller they got me the money the dude fessed up was like yeah okay i tried to i i miscounted it was an accident they gave me the money no problems no issues happened and that's essentially okay as far as the protection went you just can't really haul off and go fight somebody on your own terms because if they're in a gang then they can all focus on you and then i don't have anybody you know that's

got my back now it's a 250 people versus me and i'm obviously gonna die my kidney's gonna be on the floor or whatever um so no i didn't have to join a gang my back. Now it's 250 people versus me, and I'm obviously going to die. My kidney's going to be on the floor or whatever. So no, I didn't have to join a gang. I'm not affiliated with any gang. I did not bang like I was tough in there. I don't try to talk tough out here. I kept my head down, played guitar, spent an unfortunate amount of time getting high.

The first time that I was locked up, you're in mind of my business, man. I did not ever feel the need for protection or anything. How was the guitar received? If I was near you, I would be so joyful that need for protection or anything. How was the guitar received? Like if I was near you, I would be so joyful that someone was making actual music. As long as you were good. What if he's awful?

Oh, then you probably get beat up. Well, I was already fairly adept as far as fingers go. I studied theory while I was in there and I'm 1 million times better than I was before. I practiced seven hours a day for four years of that or whatever, you know?

So I hope I got better. But you would just go to the rec yard and you would turn in your prison ID. And if you turned it into them, they could give you a guitar and they do that to keep up with who's taking the strings off. Just in case anybody tried to steal a string for a tattoo needle, you just turn that puppy in right there. As you can see,

I looked a lot different, even though it won't go in focus. That is my authentic prison ID right there from when I arrived at Talladega in 2014. Give them this, they hand you a guitar, go play for a while, turn it back in, and once per week, you get an hour in the band room if you've got a few bandmates,

where they have a shitty drum set, a 50-watt amp, only acoustic guitars, so you have to put external pickups under the strings, which sounds awful, especially if you're trying to play rock music, and do the best that you can. I I had a great time in there and it really got me through it. And I really learned to use the music as a catharsis. And that was my number one focus while I was in there, which is writing. Did you ever form a band of inmates or was it always you solo in their plan? No, I was in bands the whole time of my incarceration. What were some of the

names? Oh, one of them, we just, just we called ourselves fci that was actually my band where i was doing vocals and guitar and i had a bass player and a drummer both of whom were recently released so uh if you guys check out my youtube channel look out for that content coming soon all right um in the band back together what does fci stand for that was the thing so with fci we would just change it every single time because obviously it's federal correctionrectional Institute because we're at the FCI Talladega. But we'd say like fucking cheat immediately. The fractured cranium incident. Like my boy had like a long list of it.

We would just come up with the dumbest shit. That's fun. We spent a while as the Sofa Kings. That was pretty generic. That wasn't my band. That was another one, you know, like so fucking ha ha ha. The Sofa Kings, everybody thought was funny. Seven Book Shy, which actually you remember that

incident i told you earlier where i was that guy tried to rip me off for some stamps yeah when i counted it it was seven books shy what it was supposed to be and i remember telling my boy about what happened he was like what went down man and i was like i bought some stands from homeboy and it was seven books shy and they were like that's the next band name right there that shit sounds sick that's lit as fuck we're gonna do that and i was like all right cool but no man we actually boogied the fuck down in there i got in some really good bands while i was in prison like you got nothing to do with practice you would be absolutely amazed man i mean we we did a whole lot of songs there i mean pretty much just dad rock and radio rock staples you know what i mean just typical the crazy trains probably you played jailhouse rock at least a

little no i didn't play jailhouse rock. I did do Folsom prison blues. I did Folsom prison blues though. We didn't do jailhouse rock. That's fine. Is it possible you could just play anything? Just what, when we were in there or you mean right now,

right now, let me see here. I think I probably could, if you guys want me to play it too well and we're going to get struck. Woody and I are both fascinated by people who speak multiple languages and can pick up an instrument and make it make music. It's a thing that we can't do and we're jealous.

I learned pretty good Spanish while I was in there on that note. God damn. Stop bragging. Play a fucking Spanish song, asshole. Make us feel real bad. Play Despacito. I don't actually know the words But that's the chord

That's what I thought the words were Ooh, a plugged one Might be a little out of tune Nah, sounds pretty good Alright, I'm trying to think Oh, we got unplugged one time For playing a particular song We actually got unplugged one time for playing a particular song We actually got unplugged

You do play concerts in there You play concerts In the middle of a concert they just shut you down Made you silent they unplugged you They literally pulled the power out I'm a little out of tune here You guys were rocking too hard What was it about the

Subject matter apparently If I could ever get this denoted too Was it Columbine again What was about the subject matter, apparently? If I could ever get this denoted, too. Was it Columbine again? No, that would have been a way better story. Doubling down. The Columbine Blues. This is what we started off with. They pulled the plug on us about the middle part.

We started off with, comes in with a big four of these. Two, three, four. Three, three, four. This song was actually removed from the prison to be three players, so we should know. Anybody recognize it yet? Yeah. Wish I could play an instrument.

That's great. This guy actually has talent. And he learned it in prison. I haven't been in prison in the past six years, and I don't know how to do anything. Killing in the name of. They were like, no. No.

We're going to do a joke though. We're going to do a joke. All right, we're going to do this part. Hold on, let me think. So we're coming in with that next part. It goes, now you do what they told you. Now you do what they told you, right? We're going to do the, yes, sir, I will do what you tell me.

Yes, sir, I will do what you tell me. Yes, sir, I will do what you tell me. Yes, sir, I will do what you tell me. But they didn't even let us get to that part. Once we got to, those two workforces are the same that burn crosses. The cross burners immediately pulled the plug on it. They were like, no, you're not calling us out in front of everybody out here.

That's amazing. That's awesome, man. Thank you for that. That's really cool. Had a lot of time to practice. Sorry I use all my Twitch streams a lot. Crazy train solo. Ooh, I flubbed one again. It's not that I didn't believe you, but it's kind of cool when you tell a story like, I did nothing but play guitar and study music theory. And then it's like, hey, as proof, why don't I jam out four different songs real quick?

Just bang out a few of the classics, a few of the staples. That's unbelievably impressive, man. So you mentioned also you learned spanish while you're yeah i had a foundational like conversational basis on it from high school you know but uh i learned how to like like talk you know like you would uh how do i put this i'm married now but i'll say i learned how to mack on bitches from asking a lot about that and also like drug slaying and stuff like that I learned a bunch of stuff that I wouldn't learned in school I can say that I actually had to use it my family and I just went to Disney the other day and I've never been to Disney before it was fucking incredible I got a little nervous around all that many people because one thing that prison will show you is that people in the free world

do not know how to move in big numbers they don't know how to walk around and it's very very stressful and anxiety inducing for those of us that know how to move with 5,000 people in a small area. Like we know how to do it. We do it like driving, you know, people in the free world just don't give a flying shit. But, um, a little girl was sitting, they went to get on a ride and a little girl was sitting with her knees on the ride like this. And they were yelling at her that she had to take her legs off the seat. She had to sit down, sit down on her butt, sit on her butt. And they were a Hispanic family. They were just like, okay, okay. and i actually had to yell at him and i was like look i already messed it up say i said she says

she needs to sit in l and then i whispered because i don't know the word for butt in spanish i only know the word for ass like which is again like, like I said, I learned vulgar stuff in prison, you know, and I had to say culo, like whispered it, you know, just in case he didn't want his daughter hearing some random stranger say she has a suit on her ass. And he looked at me confused, and then he understood, and he said, oh, and he looked at her and said something, si, at that day, you know, and I was like, see,

prison came in handy. Like, I didn't really know functioning Spanish like that until I went. What if culo meant pussy, and you didn't know it? Put your little girl down on her pussy. I'm surprised he didn't rip the support bar off. He probably just punched me out right there. I'd have been dragged on that roller coaster. Did you learn any other skills?

Because I'm sure you had nothing but time. I know you said you've learned a ton of music theory, Spanish. Was there any other interest you had? I mostly focus, I focus a lot on songwriting as well as far as lyrics go and getting into things like that. But my big focuses were music in general,

including the songwriting aspect, music theory aspect, learning Spanish. And I spent a period of time as my prison hustle typing legal motions for people. And that's pretty much the consistency of my prison time. Like the Shawshank Redemption? Pretty much, yeah. I just had to buy my own typewriter and my own typewriter ribbons.

And those beers were the best beers I'd ever tasted. I was real life Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, it was like $4 a page for me to type legal motions and they're double spaced, wide set font. So I was like, this is great.

I didn't come to the work myself. I was actually involved in what was basically a ring of it in prison. The Puerto Ricans were running it. And so there was like the top dog legal motion Puerto Rican guy. People would go to him. Hey, I need this motion at this time. He would outsource it to one of us. And then I would go type it for, you know,

four to six stamps a page or whatever. He's getting paid an extra one stamp per page that I type. But I don't ever have to look for the work, and I got as much as I want to do. What made you qualified to do this? The fact that I could type really fast because I've been playing RuneScape since I was 11. How did you know what to type? To me, the hard part of a legal motion is not the typing. There's a book. There's a straight-up book of templates.

That is it, and the Puerto Ricans pass that around. It's like a $400 book and the Puerto Ricans pass it around to each other. And that's, that's honestly it. You just enter in the name. It's like a standard stock motion for blank. There's a little creativity. You just put the right,

right. For jailhouse lawyers. We're not, I'm not over here to argue a case. What you're going here for these guys is for like, buy the book motions that you want to submit. We're not arguing anybody's case, you know,

like nobody's going to come stab us up up because their life sentence got affirmed or whatever that it's gonna be strictly really bad they might yeah i mean if it's just like to be honest with you though it's funny you say that kyle because if you like get the font wrong or the typeset wrong and shit they will reject the motion and your deadline is still active like they look for any excuse to fuck. Comic Sans. The feds won't accept blue ink. I would do mine in chiller to remind them how scary the situation is. Yeah, they would let you know how scary it is.

Yeah, that would probably work. They won't accept fucking blue ink. You can send in a form on some gun shit that's going to take months to process, and it's been gone for three fucking months, and then you get notified that, oh, that thing you sent us three months ago we just opened it you used blue ink and your deadlines fool um and start all over again um i think they just did a thing um i heard landmark talking about this so i'm i'm pretty ignorant about it but i just heard the basics that i think they just did a thing so it's quicker to get suppressors now because it had been especially like in recent

years like a really long time from what i understand it always took me no time because i had the paperwork i could just transfer them straight over but like to do a normal transfer has been taking a long time but i think they've streamlined that significantly um one of you two should get one there's so much fun maybe i don't know how is it fun though you don't need ear protection once you have a suppressor if you've got a 22

it's so fucking quiet I don't know you can shoot in crowded places and if you don't hit anyone it's fine that's 100% accurate like a much more convenient like you're at the shooting range and you're just kind of plinking

everything's a shooting range. Now that you have a silencer. Oh man. I like that. I want that. I want that quote on a wall. I had nothing to do with that statement. I do not endorse any of the opinions.

Put that on a shirt. That would be a pretty kick ass shirt. And it's just like Woody's face, Obama, Obama eyes. And it's just, just, just like the blue and red yeah blue and red everywhere is a shooting range with a silencer

with a suppressor on oh my god no they are super cool though especially if you use them on some of the shoots even more expensive than the guns in some cases or am I wrong I mean you could find a suppressor that's more expensive than a gun for sure but on average few hundred maybe several hundred it depends on the caliber and uh there are some of them that

do multiple calibers so there are some of them that's like oh it's a it could do a really big caliber but we can we can make it do all the smaller calibers too so you pay more for one that looks like it matches the gun right that can be done pretty easy. What is the... Is it Mark III? There's one that... The Ruger 22. Luger is the German one, right? The Ruger. Oh, yeah. I think it is a Ruger 22, but I forget which one it is.

The Mark III is... Probably the Mark IV. I've never understood the difference. But you know it's kind of round and there's a silencer built in that style. And when you screw it together, it looks like one long barrel. I bet what you've seen

is an intricately suppressed.22 Mark III. And what they do there is the suppressor is part of the barrel. And so now the pistol itself becomes the transferable item. There's some that the barrel is made to be a suppressor. And they do that a lot with those.22s. And it looks really slick. And they are, yeah. That's like basic bitch 22

Ruger. Let me search integrally suppressed I'll do it. Integrally suppressed Ruger. Click on that, Zach.

What do you got, boy? Oh, wow. Oh, that looks cool. It does look cool. There's a... Yeah, pretty much. That's really cool. This is more what I had in mind.

That's the one with the 1911 style. This one isn't as it's not integral you can take it on and off and do whatever zach's about to show it i'm sure but uh it kind of looks like it's made to fit and i always thought that was kind of neat yeah he's got a really so this is the 2245 um and i think the light is i think it's a polymer framed version but the 45 is referring to the angle of the grip on this one I never fucked with those I like the old school grip angle of the

of the Ruger's but I probably would have enjoyed the 45 angle too is the old school more up and down it's the opposite it's more back and angled that the silencer kind of fits the barrel sometimes the silencer looks like a real kind of

mismatched attachment. Gotcha, yeah, yeah. That's not one of the gun privileges, Kyle. No, I can't fuck with guns. Kyle, didn't you say if you're going to get a suppressor, you want to get it for a subsonic round because it'll make a bigger difference, like a.45?

Yeah, I mean, well, you know, if you need one for your hunting rifle so you just don't have to use ear pro, then put it on whatever. But, like, if you're just getting one because, ah, I want to own a suppressor. Because it's cool. Yeah, then you want one that'll do.22,.45, or.300 blackout. Those are the big three that pop out to me. I'm sure there's others.

I remember someone I knew had an integrally suppressed.44 Magnum lever action that was shooting the subsonic 44 Magnum rounds. They're big and fucking heavy. And it would go funk when it shot. It was so quiet. And when it would hit, like you would hear the bullet impact way louder than the firearm going off. Um, but, but yeah, 45 is sick. 22 is sick. And 300 blackout is six suppressed. Those are the ones that I have the most experience with anyways there may be something else now that i'm not aware of so uh something else i wanted to ask you josh so you in in the video i watched of you recapping all this you said like you didn't really see a lot of any rapes or like sexual assaults but you saw fights all the time oh yeah were you

ever involved in a fight oh yeah, yeah. Plenty of them. Run us through a couple of those. The one that people reference the most because I did a video about it was when I got into a fight with a white crip. It ended up being a really good friend of mine, but I've got the scar tissue right here. I can still feel it right there on my cheek because I did not see that dude's left hand coming at me.

I wasn't prepared for a southpaw swing and he split my shit pretty good. Pretty much every fight that I ever got in was over dumb stuff that you just can't let slide somebody disrespecting you in some way or another, you know, things where you have to draw a line or else the next thing you know, dudes are going to be trying to take your food or something, or maybe worse. None of the places that I went to,

can I say that I think or know, I know or think that any sexual assaults ever happened um consensual stuff definitely went on at all the prisons i was at that's for sure but as far as assault goes um i definitely don't think so none that i was ever aware of what was the cause of that fight with the white crip yeah so with him i was supposed to give him some stamps owed him some stamps for something which you know is the money in there. I'm sure you're aware. I owed him some stamps for something, and I was going to visitation. It was a Saturday or Friday, which is the visitation.

I guess it was a Saturday, I think. I was actually going to visitation, and I went into his cell to ask his cellmate something. I owed this guy money, but I wasn't supposed to pay him for three more days or something. I guess he was in a bad mood, and he mentioned it, something about how you better have my money at blank, blank time. At which point I told him, I'm going to have your money, but not because you just randomly reminded me three days ahead of when I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you on time because I told you I was going to pay you on time,

not because you're harassing me about it. And he said something to the effect of, I'm just saying you need to have it or something, or there's going to be problems. And I said, I'm not worried about any problems. That's fine. I'm going to have your money because I said I would have your money. And at that point he said, I'm just saying, and I don't remember exactly what he said, but he said, you're a pussy.

And he said that in front of another guy. And that is a big no-no. And so I swung on him and I hit him right in the ear and I split his ear. He had co-rip tattooed in his ear right here and I split the R. So now it says cape, C-I-A-P. Completely lucky, Fonj. I wasn't necessarily aiming for his ear or anything, I split the R so now it says cape C-I-A-I-P. Completely lucky punch. I wasn't necessarily aiming for his ear or anything but it split pretty good. He turned around and we duped up a little bit and I was feeling pretty good about it. I remember landing a few good

mean ones and not paying any attention to that left hand and when that dude got that left around there it's probably the hardest I've ever been punched in the face the entire life and it completely completely rattled me. He almost split my cheek he almost split my cheek all the way through like my teeth drop i grappled him because i was i was dizzy as shit when i grappled we fell down over the edge of the bed because let me tell you fighting in a cell the size of much smaller than the space that i'm sitting in right here right now 99 of the fights go to the floor anyways uh when i fell on the edge of the bed i was grappling with him and he spun around and landed on top of me so he definitely had the upper hand and when he jumped up he could have been stomping

all over my head or whatever even though he was uh barefoot because i'd come in a cell in the morning and you know you pretty much don't ever just get caught with your socks on i guess for reasons like this uh but he was cool about it and he helped me up you know he didn't go to any links so he definitely could have won and then stopped like a gentleman right right yeah no i'll definitely say that uh he won it and he could have continued ruthlessly like people in prison tend to do but he had honor about it and was like get up dog and then he was like hey fucking respect for real you know and begrudgingly was like i mean i was in a bad mood and i called you a name and you swung at me man i deserved that or whatever two days later he ended up moving

into my cell when my cell he went to the shoe and he was one of my best friends for the rest of the time that we were there. Yeah, because you already got the fight out of the way. That was like a hockey fight. You guys touched gloves at the end. We didn't really not like each other before that, but after that, we were cool. You know, there was a mutual respect there,

even though my face swelled up like a grapefruit on this side, dude. And then I went to visitation with my teeth all pink and bloody, man, and my elbow was busted up. My elbows still don't look right. I don't know if I can hit the right angle. I see it, though.

This elbow has seen the ground many times grappling up in small prison cell fights you see how it's got that hook on it you can tell that uh that's how like i said they normally end up on the ground so okay to lose a fight is my question like it sounds now this one clearly it was okay to lose you guys had respect but in general if you if prisoners see someone stand up for themselves in a fight they can't win and don't win that guy comes out looking okay right absolutely they don't give a flying shit if you win lose can't fight can fight they care that you will yeah the number one rule is that nobody can take anything from you if you if they know that you'll try then you're good they don't care if

you you know man that dude ran over there and got the shit kicked out of him by a dude half his size but he wasn't scared of him at least, you know, that, that they respect the fact that you go, it's not, it's never about whether or not you win or lose. And that's what always trips me out when people are like,

Oh, I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't make it. I'd be like, dude, within your first week or two, somebody is going to talk shit to you. You fight them.

The worst that's going to happen is you get your ass kicked and you hurt for three or four days and then you're good. Like it's really not that big of a deal. And it's like you pass that hazing ritual like okay this guy's gonna stand up for himself you're not just gonna be able to walk over and steal your pixie sticks or whatever you're 48 it's gonna hurt for two weeks still worth it still worth it what if you ever had to go to prison you you look so young for a 48 year old you would literally have to dye your hair gray going in and like pretend you were much older than the opposite of the guy on the office that was like came back and reapplied

like i'm 33 you'd have to do the opposite you mentioned consensual sex in the prison what do people think of that is it bad to have consensual sex does it matter if you pitch or receive like interesting or they just let it slide like what's so the pitch and receive thing is actually cultural believe it or not um amongst the groups that i was around and hung around any form of contact sexual contact with a man is gay you are a punk as they call it in there the leper the pariah to not be touched, all that. I love how you put quotes around having sex with a man is gay. Well, I mean, I feel like there's a philosophical debate there personally, but not in this sense.

Like I understand what they're saying about that. Like, yeah, you got to have at least in my opinion, I think you have to have a little bit of both ways, I guess, to even do that in the first place. I guess it doesn't necessarily make you gay though, but that's the conversation that I have with a guy one time is he was like that means you're gay and i was like i'm pretty sure gay means exclusively attracted to the same sex these dudes are doing last resort because they're animals with no iq i don't think it inherently means they're gay they just can't

control their bodily functions i see where you're coming from all right right so it was that's why i said gay because it doesn't necessarily make you gay by definition and that makes more sense i'm glad you explained it. Yeah. So people would think that they're gay and they would be social pariahs. There was no sympathy for the fact that these guys just had to get laid. Right. No, those dudes were just animals.

They just say those dudes are fucking with the punks now, basically. The dudes started screwing around with the guys and people don't fuck with them the same anymore. Don't do business with him. He's messing with the gay dudes. The dudes started screwing around with the guys and people don't fuck with them the same anymore. Like, don't do business with him. He's messing with the gay dudes because unfortunately, the openly gay ones that are actually gay all the time are very much ostracized. And people really don't want to be seen associating with them because then rumors will fly. And then you're going to have to beat the shit out of somebody for saying that you're getting fucked or something like that.

But there's another culture that comes from another country that I'm not going to shout out just in case one of them disagrees and thinks I'm calling out their whole country or whatever. But in their culture, it's perfectly acceptable to receive pleasure, be that in the form of hitting it or getting it, whatever. That's not gay to them. If you're the one that's giving the pleasure, then you're gay. Is it a group of people that can be sensitive about really any sort of... Anything? Yeah, really anything. Is it a group of people that can be kind of sensitive about really any sort of anything? Yeah, really anything. Yeah, ironically seem very, very machismo and very big into the bravado of heterosexual males. But most of them, a lot of them, at least in prison, I don't know about the general population, shave their bodies.

No, it's all of them. But they're getting head from like cute little twinks. He knows who I'm talking about. Right, yeah. But that's not considered gay, though. It's not considered gay to get hit by them. But whereas with the white dudes that I hung around or whatever, like the set that I was rolling with, if you will,

even though I was not affiliated, you do anything with a dude, that's like, no, bro. It doesn't matter what you did or what happened or who did what. They don't give a fuck. You had that contact with a dude you're out you know if you had done that would you have been excised from that car as you said like the mississippi car the thing about it is in my opinion dudes just gotta rock it man that's the thing about it is that when dudes are lurking around trying to sneak about it like bro we all live in one big ass building you're not hiding a damn thing you might as well just own up and fess up to it like yeah i feel like if dudes do it and they should just at least own up to it and i mean i know a lifer that was in

there and he had been locked up 28 30 years before he finally started messing around the dudes you know what he said he said fuck y'all man i've been locked up for 30 years i'm doing the rest of my life in here y'all can judge me all the fuck you want i'll do what the hell i want i'm grown and i'm doing a life sentence and we're like all right so on the show here you can be open-minded and progressive about gay sex cool yeah when you were in prison did you have to hide that opinion i mean like if i had like a casual conversation with somebody you know i i people knew that i wasn't a homophobe like if the gay dudes wanted to start a conversation with me or whatever i'm fine

with it i'll chat back with them for a minute i'm not not going to hang around. And that's strictly out of necessity. Obviously my mom's married to one. I'm not a homophobe in any way. It's just the bullshit that's going to arise from it. It was better for me to distance myself rather than have, you know, Oh, you,

Hey man, I heard you over there talking to the punks. What now you still can do now or something. And then I got to go fight this guy and get the shit kicked out of me because he said it. I just rather not even get in a situation to begin with, you know, um,

if people ask me, I wouldn't give a shit. I'd tell them I don't care about gay people. I don't care. There's good and bad in everybody, black, white, gay, straight, Mexican, Muslim, Jewish. I don't give a damn. I couldn't care about any of that. They knew that, but they also knew at the same time

that I didn't associate for my own reasons just because of the environment that I was in. Went in Rome, as they say, I guess, which my mom is aware of the situation. She knew how I had to be in there, and she forgives me for it so i'm good with it you know like she knows that i had to stay away from gay people pretty much well she shouldn't have to forgive you for that you were you were surviving yeah exactly i was just doing what i do but she knows that i'm not phobic or anything like that i couldn't give a shit less can you imagine that

you get out of prison and your mom's mad you weren't like you didn't roll with a gay warrior in prison you're second generation you had one opportunity right in there you had one opportunity to get turned out and you didn't even do it speaking of the fighting you said you got caught bad with that guy's left hand yeah that was the worst you ever got beat up? It was the hardest punch I've ever taken, for a motherfucking fact, because I was seeing cuckoo clocks. I have not seen somebody with that much left hand strength before. At least they didn't land a direct hit like that,

because I did not see that coming. I was looking at his other hand, and he caught me by surprise. Yeah, big time. I mean, 100%. I didn't see it coming at all. It was unhindered punch to the face. No, yeah, that was probably it. That's the main time that I ever – one time I actually got into it with a short Hispanic dude

when I went back on violation at the low security of Forest City, Arkansas is where I went back for my violation. I hated low security. I'd rather be at a medium all day any day than a low. And after I beat the dude up and I was walking away, number one rule of prison, don't turn your back on him. The dude got up off the ground and run around and from behind me, punched me and split me pretty good on my other side right here on the inside.

But it was much of the same. It didn't even swell up as bad as this. So, no, I didn't ever. Occasionally, you know, like a little purple spot, somebody hits you in the forehead or something. But, no, I didn't ever take any serious injuries. The worst one was that left hook because I'm telling you, I swelled up like a grapefruit. I went to visitation and the guards were like, what the fuck?

And I was like, I got a gum infection, bro. They were like, no, no, hold up, man. Come here. What the fuck's up with your face? I was like, I got a gum infection. Don't worry about it. And they'd let me off the hook. You got like an imprint of the guy's ring.

Championship fucking ring on my cheek. And he's letting me make it. So you like medium more than low. Kyle wasn't in low. Kyle was in minimum, right? Right, camp, yeah. So why is medium better than low? The reason that I like medium is because they lock the door at night.

As long as you got one cellmate or two cellmates that you like and you fuck with and it's a good time, the door locking is good at night, man. I sleep a lot better behind a locked door than I do in an open bay. Low security was 150 men in a room, schizophrenics, drug addicts, the thieves,

everything in like an open Bay room, barely divided by little short cubicles. And I had a lot of trouble sleeping because I know how mental illness is after my time in prison. I don't do well sleeping around people that aren't taking medication for their mental illnesses. Cause I've seen them flip out and lose it and attack people in their sleep that have never said a word to them.

Um, just a lot cleaner at the medium. People have respect at the medium at the low security dudes. because I've seen them flip out and lose it and attack people in their sleep that have never said a word to them. Just a lot cleaner at the medium. People have respect at the medium. At the low security, dudes didn't have any respect because they've never been at the higher security at the pens. I've never been to the pens either, but all the other guys with me at the mediums were there and their habits rubbed off on me, you know, about respecting people,

giving them their space, watching where you're smoking and shit, you know, looking out for each other and not stepping on the next guy's toes and not letting your toes get stepped on. At the medium, the low security is all a bunch of 20 year olds that got caught with a pistol

and they're doing two years for the first time and snitched on somebody or something. Young knuckleheads that, you know, got nothing to lose in their mind. They have no respect for anybody and they walk into people's cells and areas without asking or any acknowledgement or anything and they crowd people.

They don't know how to walk. They don't know how to act and then we don't get any space to even sleep. I was watching a prison YouTuber and he was saying that when you walk past the cells you can't look over you can't look inside you just know eyes trained front right i would struggle with that yeah you're not supposed to look in people's window if you need somebody and you don't know if they're in the cell or not you don't look in their window you walk up you knock on the door and you turn around wait if they open the door they open if they don't they don't if they're

in there i don't know you're not supposed to be window you're not supposed to be keeping time you don't know what you might see i'm picturing it as all bars like kind of cages not these are cinder block rooms with a door and a window right right it's the door has a small window in it about y'all had doors foot rectangle yeah yeah at the medium it's big old thick steel doors about this thick with the big old rolling padlock. Oh, I've seen them. They're scary as fuck. We had that bay situation with all the cubicles or whatever.

No roof and just no door. Anybody could walk in there and stab you at night, but nobody's doing that over there anyway. I didn't see any crazies. There was nobody in my – there's like, I don't know, 80 or 100 of us in each dorm, and there weren't any crazies that I saw. The mentally ill trend towards violent crime. So that might be why there were so many more of the mediums. A lot of the people that I was in there with had, had come down for good behavior and like

earned their way down there. So they were doing like the last five to seven years of a much longer stint. Um, and they were glad to be there yeah everybody was older and and pretty relaxed for the most part um there was a couple of young guys um and immediately one of them got taken to the shoe and i never saw him again yeah the young guys are the ones that get on my nerves like me i went in when i was 19 so i was one of those guys once i i i was trying you mentioned like looking into the cells, like I didn't want to see anything. Because you might see somebody doing some criminal shit or some violent shit or some stuff that you're just not supposed to know about.

Or maybe you might see some embarrassing shit that you're not supposed to know about. Shit you can't unsee either way. When I said it, I would struggle. It was really about the cage situation where it catches your eye and you have to willingly not see what you kind of saw. I think I could not look through doors with windows yeah it's a little different it's it's harder in jail when you're in a big open area but yeah in prison you actually have to be looking for there are plenty of times where i was walking past the cell and you can hear dudes thumping against the wall fighting in there and stuff just keep on walking that is not my business especially because if somebody ends up snitching on them they're going to be wondering who walked

past who looked in there that's what i was going to say about man looked in yeah you know spider-man's getting stabbed up or something that's exactly what i was going to say like that that's the biggest fear for me like like that you'll look in there and you'll see something and then someone will snitch on them and they'll remember back to you looking in and seeing and like they'll it's you it's got it's you 100 i get up to take a piss at like 3 a.m and they're in there like smoking spice and i'm like fuck i don't want to see you smoking spice dude right maybe if i avert my eyes enough i won't know what color you are but then when you get back to bed 30 seconds later the co's walk in and hey nah kyle just went in there to go pee i just saw him he went to the

bathroom when he came out the pigs went in there oh shit it would be logic and reason don't work well on inmates i can tell you that why would you even snitch like do you get your sentence reduced what's the motivation you just hurt people sometimes people don't like people smoking in the bathroom because they got to smell it you know just grumpy old people want to ruin somebody else's time and they'll go snitch or something like that uh they have to be really covert about it i can say that even at a low security i'll get the shit kicked out of them for snitching there was a dude at the low security, I'll get the shit kicked out of him for snitching. There was a dude at the low security that was actually getting paid to snitch, and they fucked up

because the lieutenant went and pretended to shake down the guy's cell and left a large quantity of stamps in his locker, and everybody saw him out in front of God, and everybody put like $100 worth of stamps in this dude's locker. As soon as that guy got back to his bed, he got his jaw kicked off just about and got sent to another prison.

Damn. Having eyes is pretty dangerous. Didn't even get to spend his stamps. I'm pretty sure they just took his stamps. Are those transferable to dental credits? He's going to need them. I love that. We took his stamps, too.

And we took his stamps. You can get this bitch out of here. They roll them out it's such an awful place prison is awful like i know it is the idea is it's for awful people but there's there aren't that many awful people like truly awful i've had more good ass normal dudes in there than i met criminals like like stereotypical criminals everybody in there was so nice like you would never know that like they had done anything wrong um it'll change your perspective yeah everybody there was so nice and just would never know that they had done anything wrong. It'll change your perspective. Yeah. Everybody in there was so nice and just normal.

Most of them had big plans for the future about businesses and family and relationships and stuff. They just wanted to get out. Yep. They just need their chance, a lot of them. They just need another chance. Some of them have had their chances, to be fair, because plenty of dudes at the medium are doing life bids on their eighth time in prison and shit. There was a ton of contraband. It was so easy.

I know at one point they told me there wasn't even a big razor wire fence there at Talladega, at least on the campsite. But there was when I was there. But I think they were just droning things in and throwing things over the fence. It was so easy because it wasn't like to approach the fence, there was another layer of security. It's not like an onion type scenario. Yeah, it's just the fence. It was so easy because it wasn't like to approach the fence there was another layer of security. It's not like an onion type scenario.

Yeah, it's just a fence. You can walk up to the prison if you want to. Hey, this is the prison. You can look through the gate. I think they were throwing stuff over because there was no one making wine. People have asked me before, did they make that toilet wine?

They've got Jose Cuervo. They've got name brand bottles of liquor in there. I've heard that about the camp. I heard y'all had Free World Food and Free World Liquor and all kinds of stuff. They were telling me about the camp or either the low or the camp in Atlanta, one or the other, where they had

come from before. They said it was wild there, that they were sneaking whores in. They were sneaking prostitutes and that they were they were sneaking out at night and they would they would pay someone they would pay someone they would pay someone to come and like get in their bed um while they went out and like partied and got laid at a motel down the road they would sneak them in like over the fence or through the non-existent fence i i don't think would they sneak a prostitute in in some guy's asshole like on the south park episode no they would they would bring

girls in and they would bring homeless people in to sit in their beds so the guard came through and look for the bed count because they come through like regularly in the night it's kind of the worst part about getting your sleep. Flashlight in your face every hour. Every hour. Jesus Christ. How are you not supposed to get in fights and be cranky if you're woken up every hour? I know, right? You just wrap your head

up in a... Anyway. It sounded like they were having a good time, but it was pretty lax where we were for the most part. Yeah, I've heard stories about the camp. I heard y'all had phones over there real easy and stuff like oh yeah lots of phones um and just tons of cigarettes nobody saw one phone at talladega medium and it was a watch phone oh shit i was there people aren't fucking with that extra year at the medium you know and there's nowhere to hide it they were um like you'd go in the bathroom at like before lights were out like like like

and there'd be you'd hear guys talking on the phone in the toilets and stuff, like in the stalls. But everybody had a cell phone that wanted one. There'd be chargers everywhere and fucking people wanting to charge shit in your cell and you'd have to tell them no. They'd want to charge their shit in your cell. You get the time if you get caught. Yeah.

Yeah, fuck that. They'll add how much time where you work, Kyle? The rule of thumb that I've been told is a year for a phone. I have no idea. I certainly didn't have a phone. Does getting in a fight add time to your stay? It doesn't add time in that same sense, but it can remove your good time. You can lose your 52 days a year for good behavior that is automatically removed.

I lost a lot of my good time for dumb shit. Like when I got caught with the rolling paper, I lost 52 days of good time you can lose your 52 days a year for good behavior that is automatically removed i lost a lot of my good time for dumb shit like when i got caught with the rolling paper i lost 52 days a good time that's you're not really tripping about it until you get to the end of your sentence and you get to 52 days left until you're released you're like son of a bitch i would have been home right now were there any it seems like most of the fights you got in were in the the cell itself were there any big brawls you were a part of like in the main area or anything or did you steer clear of that sort of thing no i didn't get involved in any brawls but there were a couple of them one time the uh do i say gang names one time there was a gang from southern california that's primarily hispanic they got into it with the puerto ricans

at our prison and that shit was wild uh I think like 40 dudes went to the shoe. They had to, I'm pretty sure they had to go put a bunch of people in the shoe at the, at the camp or something like, no, y'all come to ours. Don't you? They had to move them somewhere else.

Cause there were so many people. It was like 28 Puerto Ricans and like 20 Mexicans, like just an absolute mob of people because they were playing soccer up on the soccer pitch, right in full view of the sniper Hill over there directly across from the soccer pitch. Kyle, could y'all see the sniper hill from where y'all were the big dirt hill with the truck on top of it i don't think so yeah i guess you guys were a little farther i had a vague direction of where y'all were from us but i wasn't sure exactly yeah it's

just over there although like when i say the camps over there yeah like when i checked in i i there's only one x-ray machine and it's up up there. Right, right. That processing part. The sniper tower hill, whatever you want to call it, overlooks a softball field and then the soccer field. Dude, I saw a Puerto Rican dude single-handedly take out three of these Hispanic dudes. Holy shit. They didn't bring out knives. They kept it skins. All they did was just beat the shit out of each other.

When I say they beat the shit out of each other, the way that white Crip stopped on me, they didn't have any of that stopping bullshit. They had no bitch in their blood, as they would have said, because I saw this dude. I'll just call him Bodhi because that's the name for Puerto Rico. Bodhi, Bodhiqua. Man, he turned around and elbowed a dude in the jaw. He went spinning.

It looked like an action movie. You know how an action movie is? It looks like a hard hit, but realistically, they wouldn't just fall on the floor and just like be dead like that this guy was actually like straight murdering these guys and threw an elbow into this dude's jaw and i mean like he had knocked his eyebrows to the back of his neck and he spun a pirouette 360 and just fell on the ground and stopped it was just like a movie like I knew it was a hard hit.

Don't get me wrong, but this dude, I rolled back. And then he moved on to the other two. Right. Yeah. Yeah. There was another dude running to him.

And I still remember this dude's nickname because I was actually kind of friends with this dude. And I didn't know that he either cannot fight or he can't fight nearly as good as this Puerto Rican dude can. And he came running up and they actually, he got a swing or two.

And I'm telling you, this Puerto Rican dude was dumpy, bro. He looked like a dumpling, like shapeless. He looked like a thumb. Like he wasn't in any kind of good shape. You know, big toe-looking ass dude. He wasn't muscular or nothing. He was kind of blobby, and he was so swift, dude.

His next thing came over there and started throwing bows at him, and he was – He was so swift. Hey, the dude was missing his front two teeth. He was moving so fast i could have heard the shit whistling bro he's bombing and weaving on his ass and he pelted this dude in the face like four times and he went down he fell on his ass first and then he kind of flopped to the side and 100 i saw it in slow motion he got hit like three or four times like that kevin

heart joke with the kevin it hit me twice i'm fighting octopus you remember that you know he gets dinked and i see the surprise on his face he gets dinked, and I see the surprise on his face. He gets dinked again and falls on his ass, and I saw the look on his face play possum. He just flopped over. He just flopped over to the side. He's like, I ain't ready for Bodhi, and then he went on to the next guy.

I'm really happy that none of them pulled out knives because this particular gang, I think, has a rule about carrying knives with them pretty much everywhere, but nobody got slaughtered that I know of, but I know it was a shit show in that shoe trying to keep those guys separated from each other because we could hear them hooting and hollering all the way to the hole they'd bring a puerto rican and 10 steps behind them they'd bring a mexican and they'd be like they're shit talking each other all the way to the shoe just like saying, I hope they put us in the same cell.

What does the loser say? Hey, I'm almost one-third as tough as you. Yeah, wall hack, wall hack. I'm 28% as tough as that guy. The swiftest fat guy you've ever seen. That's the best thing, though, is that y'all know the Mexicans were the ones that were doing all the woofing because they were the ones that just got steamrolling. The Puerto Ricans didn't have shit else to

say they were like we did it we handled that business and i don't know where they trained this dumpy puerto rican dude let me tell you man he was mcgregor's understudy or something this piece them up and i'm i'm totally positive the second guy went down just to like you know what i got my ass kicked enough for them to know that i was involved i'm just gonna lay here now right i'm good i don't look like that anymore i can show my missing tooth in case they say you didn't fight hard enough so like it's all the mexicans and all the puerto ricans are fighting and are like all the white and black guys like man this is wild just watching so it's all the white and black guys are just watching a mexican verse

puerto rican back up and hit the dirt you You back up and take a knee. You back up far enough to be safe and then you take a knee because you already know they're going to tell you to anyway. You're just basically sitting there like, I hope they don't notice this for a while, but of course within 10 seconds, all units respond to the wreckyard. All units respond to the wreckyard. Situation in play. Inmates on the ground. Code red. Inmates on the ground.

And then we're all laying on the ground like looking up from the dirt down here like, hey, did you see Bodie? Hey, Bodie took out three of them. Damn. Is it like all the white and black guys? Are they like cheering certain sides and like, Oh, that's a huge hit.

I wouldn't say cheering, but there's the ooze, you know, like, like the collective. When that dude caught that elbow that twisted his neck all the way around, I'm pretty sure that every single eyeball was on that fight out of all the fights. He got domed in front of the whole fucking prison. Everybody just, you hear just the worst thock noise. Just a thot and just, ooh! You know what I've always thought?

Have you ever seen the movie where they have, it's not just a movie. I think they do this in one of those Asian countries where they have the prison boxing where you have a chance to get out from the boxing. Oh, I've heard about this. Yeah. There's like a Showtime special about this. You don't know about this, Woody? Uh-uh.

This is real? Yeah. So I think it's like Thailand or something where they have like a fucking kumite in the fucking prison. And if you win enough, they let you go. And the champion is a murderer and they just let him go. Right. I'm almost positive.

I didn't dream this. We should train people up in physics and let the top test score out. That'd be much better. Instead of ensuring that they're the most violent one in the prison. No. Who's going to show up and put down hard money to watch somebody write some fucking equations on a blackboard?

No. The best box tickets to go. Same as prison rodeos. If someone tries to teach me math, there might be a fight. Prison rodeos. I'm not saying exclusively physics, but we can do it on all sorts of avenues. Whoever passes the CPA exam gets out now.

Fuck that. That's easy. You passed that. No, I didn't. There's no such thing as passing grade. I never tried it. You really do become a better criminal in prison. Like, why'd you get out?

Because I learned how to fight. I'm the best fighter in there now. Oh, good. You came out with some good marketable skills, I see, to get back in the job force. It's like the movie Blow, literally, where he's like i went in with them that really is and weed and came out with a masters and cocaine that is how it is like i've never in my entire life made or cooked in any way methamphetamine but i damn sure know 20 different ways to do it

now i can tell you that as white dude's favorite fucking thing to talk about in prison is meth recipes white guys love meth we love it apparently so i never knew until we went away from it just just because like like it's clearly because apparently it's made for us because good it must be so fucking good every white dude in prison is just all the time like man not what do you do you get your suit of fed man you take a mountain dew bottle right you got to get the mountain dew body you got to put the lion just like this they will sit there and talk about that shit for five days jesus christ another thing i learned is don't let meth heads tell you a story because their stories cover 42 days where they

didn't sleep and it's a 12 hour long story because it was a month long story of them doing meth and not sleeping so like man on the first day and then like four hours later like right and then on the 32nd day man we went to the beach right we showed up i had my metal detector right and i was tweaking bro i was looking for copper wire dude i'm so tired of this story this story sucks and it takes a year because don't don't let meth heads tell you stories about the times that they were on meth they were way too long i don't know why you'd want to do meth in prison though anyway i i would i would definitely want weed or like an opiate i'd want to like yeah out seems like it would stress you out more like at night especially like if you could like as soon as lights go out if you could like get

fucked up and just just not wake up until you had to be out of your your bed like that would be a listen man type shit you enjoyed your prison term a lot more if you could bring pot no shit yeah everybody's prison term will be a lot better that's why everybody else on pot too is i'm processing this it'd be so chill the tweakers in prison actually do cool shit though i saw a dude take apart and remake an entire radio with speakers in his cell like he put up ghetto speakers that he built into these little boxes like he had these plastic boxes from commissary and he built working speakers hung them up by his door and when you'd open the door it was automatically like you come into just slick rick right slick Rick. The cop's scattered and it's just bumping.

Rattling the cell. You're like, this is actually kind of cool. He's over here like, yeah, man, that only took me like four hours, man. Check it out. I made this soldering out of this pencil. I got this pencil and a plug-in and a paper clip right here and it actually made a really cool soldering. I'm like, hey, I'm going to catch you later. That's bigger shit.

That's cool. Maybe you can make me one. Just don't start a story but yeah before you get started on telling me some shit i really don't care about the 2006 i'm just gonna slowly back away from the tweakers because they won't let you go that's so funny and their cell would be spotless too because the door would lock at night now they've got like seven hours where they have to be in this confined area and they're on meth and they're not sleeping like like hand me the toothbrush bro i was surprised how big of a deal cleanliness was it seems like we always we clean we did nothing but clean we're just always cleaning and it was like i mean we couldn't leave a little mess till morning right like just till tomorrow everything was always so

fucking clean there's no dust in that place no no absolutely not it's your living quarters so people take it really seriously you know the big like floor buffers you know the big like the plug in the wall that that happens every day literally every method of control at all like like me telling you that you needed to keep your place so fucking spotless is that me like dom subbing you for what it's worth most of the time it's the inmates that care about the cleanliness so much. I know that, but that's what I'm doing. I like alpha inmate saying,

Josh, there's a speck of dust on your guardrail here. Go handle it. I don't think so, man. In my personal opinion, I feel like they really do just get anal about it after a certain length of time.

Like the life sentence guys that are in there, they think that the toilet should be spotless at all times. They bleach it. They wash their floor from it. They wash their clothes in it. Like the toilet is the number one, all times. They bleach it. They wash their floor from it. They wash their clothes in it. The toilet is the number one most useful source of water for them. They keep that shit completely spotless.

They don't want water around the sink. It's just a cleanliness thing. It'll drive them crazy. They got their whole life doing there a lot of times. Even I found myself eventually raising my standards of cleanliness a little bit, surprisingly. To a certain extent. I was never a neat freak well like think about all the places that you spend your day right like like my day today has

been sort of split up between my car and my my chair in the backyard and the you know like my couch and my gym is pretty much you know all the places that i've been but you just got that one place you've just got that one place that little just got that one place, that little room. So it ends up, I guess, being real clean. We use shampoo to mop the floors. And you pay that guy a couple of bags of mackerel and he'd run the buffer through your room. Yep.

I don't know how he got control of the fucking machine. Orderly for the unit. That's what it is. Yeah, his official job on what it is. Yeah. His official job on the paper is orderly. That's what orderly is like a hospital job, right? I'm more in this case,

the same thing as like a trustee. It just means that you're in a relative position of power for that job. Yeah. He's like, Oh, I can't say that word. He might be allowed to get cleaning supplies that we don't have access to, you know,

what is the word, Kyle? Can you type it? Yeah, I'll type it. He's the... The house. See, Taylor's a streamer. I knew exactly what Kyle was saying. I did not follow.

Yeah. I taught Kyle how to spell, by the way. Honestly, the guy that was the trustee or whatever in in my little dorm or whatever he looked just like sam jackson in that movie like an older bald black man who was wearing his pants way too high was it grumpy all the time he was grumpy all the time yeah i know the type like he was in charge of like some younger guys who and their job was like sweet fucking floors he was always on of some younger guys and their job was sweet fucking floors and he was always on their ass about it.

The things that I wrote. And Taylor just nailed it. That's beautiful, Taylor. We're on the same wavelength. You told us about your good roommate, the guy that you fought with and you bonded to. Have any bad cellies?

For the most part, I really didn't, surprisingly. The only time that I ever got into an altercation with somebody that actively at the time was my cellie was my last cellmate ever when I went back on violation. And the dude was a really bad tweaker. He had a really bad meth problem in prison. And his hustle in prison was doing laundry. And he was the laundry guy.

And he was really, really good at it, especially because he didn't sleep. And he had a keen eye for dirt, being a tweaker. And this dude had a speech impediment, was missing his front tooth, and was one of the goofiest, little saddest humans you've probably ever seen. And I don't say that just because I got into it with the dude.

We were cool after this, but he had a lateral lisp like William Murderface, you know, on Metalocalypse. The lateral lisp is when they talk like this. Oh, yeah. It's not a normal lisp like this oh like yeah it's not it's not a normal list like this it's a lateral list or they they do this with their s's no it's literally sid from ice age yeah sid from ice age exactly yeah that's an example of a lateral list and he had one real bad and he'd be tweaking out of his mind over here telling me about all the method he

was about to do he'd be like bro guess what i just did i just got a two booker i just got a two booker from frankie frankie hooked me up with a two booker oh my gosh i'm about to break like this dude had no business being in prison but he was serving 10 years for cooking meth the dude would just would not stop doing meth and uh that would normally be okay you know i don't care do your thing or whatever but this laundry hustle that he had had our cell full of other people's dirty clothes all the time. That sucks. And if he didn't have enough meth to get up and go, he didn't want to do them. He'd be putting it off till later. And I'm sitting in here with some dude's dirty,

stinking ass underwears and socks sitting right by my bed. And so obviously we had to have a discussion about that. That's not why we ended up getting into it. We ended up getting into it because a dude was raising a house full of women and he was used to saying stuff under his breath and being real snide and snarky and that doesn't fly in prison. Saying stuff under your breath. People will challenge you on what you said under your breath. You don't get to mutter the last word

as you walk away. He had a real bad time saying smart mouth stuff and got popped around a lot for it. But no, man. Overall, I got really lucky with my cellmates. When I first got to Talladega fresh off the bus from prison, they put me in a cell with two very large, muscular black dudes. Did not care. I was cool with that. The white dudes came in the cell and they said, hey, we know you're new to prison or whatever. They

could already tell because I said, yes, I don't care. They asked you, are you okay with selling outside of your race? To which I said, I don't care. I didn't know I was supposed to say no, don't sell me outside of my race. And they were like, look, we're not like trying to put you in a gang or nothing, man, but there's certain ways that things work in prison and we can't have you in here with these black dudes like you're all good man but there's a cell that's over here with this puerto rican and this mexican dude and you should probably move over there and i'm like you know okay cool i'm not trying to join your gang or nothing they're like no we know but this is how it works in prison you know they were cool about it they just said something happens with a black dude and a white dude in a cell

looks bad on everybody we just don't do that here so they put me in a cell with a puerto rican and a mexican dude so you didn't have to be with a white guy you just couldn't be with a black dude and a white dude in a cell. It looks bad on everybody. We just don't do that here. So they put me in a cell with a Puerto Rican and a Mexican dude. So you didn't have to be with a white guy. You just couldn't be with a black guy. Right, right, exactly. Yeah, they didn't care who I sailed with as long as it wasn't black dudes is what their perspective on it was. So they moved me into a cell with a Puerto Rican that racked up $900 bill in debt money for drugs and checked into the shoe,

self-submitted to the shoe checked in with a bunch of debt and a mexican that later we found out was snitching on everybody and was telling on people in the units where they were hiding the wine and stuff like that so they moved me out of a cell with two black dudes that did all their time went home in good standing from the prison rec yard didn't check in no issues nothing like that they moved me into a cell that's supposed to be better for the white guys or whatever uh where this dude's a rat and a check-in like what the fuck so they actively took you and put you in a worse spot right absolutely so you could check into the shoe if you wanted protection yeah what that process

is apparently called refused compound it's where you basically tell them you think your life is under threat and they have to give you protection that That's interesting. So I used to train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with the prison guard. And he said that if you wanted to check in, the move was to go up to one of the guards and do that. Like flinch check. Like, you know, I might come to you and do one of those things,

like just to like, maybe just invade your personal space for, and, uh, the guard would be like, can't, can't, you can't do that.

You got to go solitary and check in move. Yeah. How long are you in? That's what I, you can't do that. You got to go solitary. Check in, move. How long are you in solitary? That's what I thought you'd say, pussy. Because at least in movies and shows, when the guy who's the rat or owes a bunch of money, he'll go to solitary for some reason like that, like faking some guard out. And it's like, well, you're only allowed to be here for three weeks. And then you're back in gen pop.

Is that how it actually works? That is ostensibly how it works, but once it comes up to the moment where they're telling you pack up, we're putting you back on the regular general population yard, you can receive further punishment by refusing compound. And I know this because the shot is called a 306, and when I was leaving prison the last time, since I was supposed to get transferred to another prison, but my time was too short because I got the drugs and they were just going to let me do the rest of my time in the shoe.

They put me on the same range with the 306 check in people. It doesn't necessarily mean they checked in originally, by the way. They could have gone back there for some other reason, decided, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to get back on drugs or I owe too much out there. I'm just going to refuse compound. They tell you to pack it up and you say, nope, I'm not going. You receive disciplinary report for that 306 refusing programs, meaning basically they told me to do something.

I didn't do it. And the reason I remember it's a 306 is because that range of people where the whole block was check-ins, they call themselves 306 mafia, like 306 mafia, 306 mafia, the check-in squad. And yes, that is highly, highly looked down upon in prison. If they go to some gnarlier security prison with that history of running up debt somewhere in another prison and then checking in, they're in big trouble. They will be physically punched. But essentially, as far as the prison's concerned, if you want to refuse to go back, they're just going to keep stripping away your rights and your privileges. We'll take his phone. We'll take away his MP3 player if you have one, you know, which you can't use the shoe anyway. Take away everything except for take away his

commissary, whatever. They can just keep removing your privileges and then ultimately take away your good time so that you have to do all of your time in the shoe, which is ironic because ostensibly they're doing that because they want you out of the shoe. Then in turn, they give you more time in prison, which you stay for in the shoe.

Have you ever seen... I think this happened before you even went in. Have you ever seen Anders Breivik's cell in Sweden? I've been told about his sweet conditions, though. He was the guy who killed, like, 70 kids, like, mowing them down with a machine gun. There's a picture of his cell. If you look up Anders Breivik, he has, at the time, he had a PS had a PS3 which like I think it was on back order and so he had a PS3 he had a nice little bed he had a desk he had like a full TV with all the

channels you can access in Sweden like and that's for someone who murdered like 70 people maybe I'm wrong with 70 it was a ton of people thought it was more than that honestly it may have been something yeah but yeah I remember him going on Hunger Strike because he needed new video games. There it is. There's Anders Breivik's cell. It looks like a hotel. Dude, my dorm in college was worse than this. It looks like a college dorm.

Look at how solid that chair is. Look at that. That's beautiful. It's a nice chair. He's got pictures. He can keep his guitar. Zach, you got like an American federal prison cell or a special housing unit one for comparison here? Is that right there? I can bid down. Look how thick that bitch's mattress is.

Are you joking? American jail cell. That's what we're talking about here. That's more like it. Hey, you got the county jails and the prison ones. Beautiful. Now, the one in the upper left over there looks more like my style. It's like a sink combo with a toilet.

So you have to hear another man shit. Notice I didn't say smell. You have to hear another man shitting. Yeah. The smell is the, it's a problem, right? Like,

at least avoidable in the sense that you can cover your face with your blanket. You know, you can get away from the smell, but you can't get away from the sound of that stuff squishing out of that man's butthole. It's just something something that is it's a sound i hope to forget but probably never will living in such small quarters when you're one room is your bedroom bathroom kitchen so the shitting technique was to begin flushing immediately and not to stop

until you were done drop one flush one and the problem was in the shoe, we couldn't flush the toilet. I know. So in the shoe, though, you've got to call a guard. He comes over, and he's got the flusher. And he gets, hey, could you flush my toilet for you? I don't know. Seems like a lie. Maybe later.

Sometimes you've got to go to that door and tell them it's an emergency flush, and hopefully they have enough compassion and humanity about themselves to actually come do it. Sometimes it is bad, and you've got to get in that door and tell them it's an emergency flush, and hopefully they have enough compassion and humanity about themselves to actually come do it. Sometimes it is bad, and you got to get on that door and be like, bro, my cellmate just dropped a Hiroshima in this bitch. Come flush the toilet. And maybe if they have any humanity left, they will come flush it for you. The shoe toilets also clog very easily.

That's all designed to prevent you from flushing contraband if you manage to get into your cell with it. Oh, that makes sense. Are your shits pretty terrible because you know, the prison food is so bad. They hand out a lot of laxatives. I'll tell you that much. They have to have a whole lot of laxatives.

Uh, you're definitely not making regular movements in there off of the balance diet. And, Kyle and I were eating the same thing Wednesdays. It was hamburgers. Thursday was chicken on the bone Friday for fish, Patty or fish.

Everybody loved that fucking fried chicken. Yeah, fried chicken day was always popping. What was wrong with it? Was it really poor quality? I thought it was horrible. I thought it was okay, but it wasn't anything like it freaked me out. Obviously, I had had real fried chicken the day

I went in, like a week before. They were like, yo, bro, you're not coming for fried chicken day? You don't skip fried chicken day let me get your tray let me get your tray exactly come on get your tray and let me have it I'm like the whole thing is I don't want to stand in the line that's exactly that's what people never understood if I wanted to go up there I would eat it yeah how long is the line how long does that take it's not forever it's not like super long I just don't want to do it I just want to walk all the way walk all the way to chow hall wait how many uh how many pieces Chow Hall, wait in line, get it.

How many pieces of chicken? Is it like two legs? Do you get a leg and a wing? We had a quarter on the bone. We had a straight leg, drumstick, little wing thing, whatever, about that big on the bone. It was a solid piece. You can get an extra piece of chicken if you want an extra piece of chicken. At the medium, you can't get ridden up.

Do you have to pay? Do you have to make a deal with the mess hall guy? The cooks are normally selling at Black Market. If you got the stamps cash, they got something wrapped up in gloves in their pants ready to go. Give it to you in a five-figure glove. Based on Oz, running the kitchen is the primo thing to do because the Italians and the Black gang were fighting over that the entire time. It's a lucrative hustle if you have access to the food,

especially the veggie prep guys that can get onions and bell peppers. Those are always a hot commodity every where they go. They're like $1.50, $2 each. Yeah, that was what was so cool about when Snow made me that nacho bowl on my last day because it was like bell peppers and onions and real cheese and stuff. Delicious. Yeah. I hadn't had anything close to real food in so long.

Now you see why the onions and bell peppers cost so much. It's hard for them to smuggle out, but they make the food pop so much better. 100% black market. But, yeah, it is a good hustle. I mean, other dudes, store men make more money probably, but it's a solid hustle. It's a respectable hustle taking food out of the chow hall and selling it you know you might be able to get access to some oranges and uh unlike at kyle's

we didn't have street liquor at ours so we'd made plenty of prison wine and prison moonshine were you around or did you help make the wine or anything at any point oh yeah there were a couple times that i helped with the batches how do you how do you do it uh pretty much you take uh your khaki pants that they issue in there i don't think i'll have khakis you guys have a jumper thing right like a jumpsuit green green green button up top that's right yeah we have the khakis at the mediums and the other and the higher up security you cut off a leg and stitch the bottom of it to make basically a big sleeve put a garbage bag in it for lining puts you a good six to twelve mountain dews in it like a gallon half gallon water, as much powdered sugar as you can,

not powdered, but like grain sugar as you can possibly come across. Some yeast from the kitchen. That's always a big hot commodity. You get in big trouble getting caught with that and throw a couple of oranges in there for good measure. Pretty much let the bitch sit in the wall for, you know,

if it's your first batch with no kicker, like a week, if you've already got kicker, like the leftover bacteria from your last batch to throw in there and kick start it like three four days uh pretty much once it gets ready uh you burp the bag you got to make sure that the bag is sealed somebody's got to periodically check on about every hour so it doesn't pop and burp it let all that gas build up come out from the alcohol and then once it's done it's basically very powerful fizzy wine uh that doesn't shouldn't taste sweet hopefully the sugar has all been converted to alcohol. It does get very stout.

The moonshine process I was not as involved with. That involves making a stinger out of hair clippers, electricity, boiling it to a certain degree, and then putting a trash bag over it to collect the distilled alcohol. I didn't get involved in that, but I made a lot of wine. This is some impressive engineering from prisoners. Very

impressive. Whenever you see anything a prisoner has made with their hands and they knew what they were doing it's it's pretty cool like like all i saw was lighters like like that people had made like battery-powered cigarette lighters yeah but it was like you could see like man he put a lot of time and effort in this like necessity is the mother of invention prison is where you really find that out i've said that a lot like the ingenuity that you see in there is amazing. And even simple shit that people think of for quality of life. Like when I first went in, I had glasses.

I couldn't think of where to put my glasses. I saw a guy toothpaste at a fucking milk carton to the wall by his bunk. Just set his damn glasses in there every night. Easy, you know, just a little simple shit like that. When you don't respect the house and you can do whatever you want to the paint and the walls,

you can do amazing things. Wow. That's wild. So like, I know from what Kyle's told me that everyone in prison knows what your charges are eventually. And obviously, if you're a pedophile, you're going to get hazed and probably get put in some separate area. How did prisoners respond to your conviction? Did they even get what you were there for? They typically responded with hilarity.

Most of the inmates in there were at least young enough or had been free recently enough to know about online games, even if they'd never played them. And I was typically met with, man, my son be doing that on call duty. He'd be talking all that shit.

And I'd tell him, you know, you got to watch your mouth. I, holy shit, you went to prison for this? Like, are you kidding me? And then I'd show him and I got the paperwork transmitting threats to destroy buildings by means of fire and explosives they thought it was hilarious they thought it was an absolute what the fuck case and they did not need any more justification in their mind to know that

the fbi was corrupt from the ground up but my case was definitely a nail in the coffin as far as perception goes not that being in prison hating the fbi does you any good it doesn't do you a damn bit of good you know to know that they're crooked and corrupt. It doesn't help anything. Most people just thought it was hilarious. The guards thought it was really stupid. Even when I originally got the county jail in my hometown, they thought it was absurd that I was still in there eight months, 10 months, a year later, you know, they're like, this is crazy. I didn't have any weapons in my home, no BB guns, no drawings, no money, no guns, no butcher knife, like pocket knives, nothing at all. so they just

thought it was kind of hilarious it seems like like a little bit of an icebreaker almost with some guys where they ask what are you in for and you're like you're not gonna believe it and then you and then you're like i guarantee they've probably heard every story in the book up and down but yours is is truly unique everybody starts with you won't believe it it's some bullshit but mine actually was definitely some real bullshit did you ever have to like fake agreeing with bullshit where some guys like yeah they they caught me molesting a nine-year-old for the fifth time and you know it's bullshit and like none of that i guess that's a bad example because you wouldn't want to publicly be seen as like giving any sort of credence to a rapist right but i'm sure there were lots of guys

who were like i didn't kill that guy he killed himself a lot of time no i didn't hear anybody the opposite was more likely in my case i i had people admitting crimes to me which i didn't care for they need to be careful with that too because you know snitches get on their ass in a heartbeat. I didn't need to know any of those things. They'll just offer you some time cut information, damn it. They don't care at all. I know some awful things.

I know of a guy who actually did get convicted from a prison snitch because he was telling a story about how one time he flew a plane to Mexico, got 800 X pills and came back. He told the story in prison and they used it against him, prosecuted him successfully for him telling a story. And he gave enough details to

where it was considered legitimate. No proof that it ever happened. That's a story you got to keep under your hat anyway. Don't even tell that. Why? You don't have to brag about that to inmates that want to get out of prison, you know, that can contact prosecutors and get time cuts. Largely, my case was just met with laughter. It's going to sound crazy, but especially at the medium-high security, six years is kind of considered a slap on the wrist with the FBI. Most of the people that I was around

had at least a quarter century on their plate. Either already served or to serve remaining. So the six was just kind of like a ha-ha, they really showed you. That's kind of almost like getting probation at the places where I was at. Were most of the life guys you came into contact with similar to the clean freaks you were talking about where they like resigned themselves to their situation they were trying to

make it as good as possible i think very much to a certain extent but i also have to say that and i've talked about this before um i think on my channel or in another podcast is that the dudes have somewhere inside of them a mustard grain mustard seed size grain of hope and as as depressing as it might be to consider like the realistic you know like there is no hope you know like i was like oh the very famous guy the black hand of death clarence heatley he's got documentaries he's got an episode of gangland about him and stuff like that and um he's doing life plus 255 years he's's not fucking getting out. He kidnapped Bobby Brown. He was directly linked to like 11 murders.

He's never getting out of prison. That man wakes up every day and he grabs that damn floor buffer that Kyle was talking about. He puts on his pressed and ironed khakis and he gets out there and he buffs that floor and he sings the Chicago blues every day, man. And somewhere in his heart, if you ask him and talk to him about it,

he thinks he's going to get out one day. I don't think that anybody serving life truly in their heart of hearts thinks that they're really going to do it because I just feel like they wouldn't be able to get up anymore. Every single one of them has a plan or a scheme or a motion or a 2255. Yeah, I think at some point, maybe there will be some prison reform in the next decade or so. I can't imagine these huge, crazy sentences going on for much longer, especially about nonviolent crimes. Nonviolent stuff bothers me a lot.

The federal prison system is at 153% capacity, last I checked. The long sentences are not sustainable. That's crazy. That's why we have three-man cells at the mediums. You're not supposed to have three-man cells. They squeezed a third into mine at one point it didn't last too long but it was like what the fuck like we're in our we're in our bunk bed and he's like perpendicular to us against the the back wall yeah that's that's how it is at talladega dude the three man cells is a

bunk bed against the window and then a floor bed right here like this and then you got the toilet sink no room is the is the floor bed the most coveted no fuck that floor bed doesn't have springs that's where everybody's ass is going to be all up in your grill or people are moving around people want to sit there and also we don't have any kind of spring mats at the medium they're they're the same beds but um the top bunk or the bottom bunk over there you can either hit your head on the bunk or the ceiling uh so they got their pros and cons ceiling is so high uh i don't know how high it is It's so high And they've got like really sick air conditioning Going through the middle of the dorm

Cooling up the bunk tunnels Yeah the big tunnels Bottom bunk has to be preferred Right? Yeah Well it was in my case But I obviously Why was that?

You want the bottom bunk I would roll right off that top bunk Like my cellie at one point Was that like late 50s Early 60s black guy. He's like 6'4 or something. He wasn't going to be crawling up there. I was happy to take the top bunk.

Yeah, I was in good shape, so I was typically always down with younger dude gets the top bunk. That's fine. Yeah, I didn't mind that at all. Especially if they don't have ladders. My county jailer doesn't even have ladders. You just have to figure out how to get up there. We had ladders. I woke up once and somebody

had taken my ladder oh because they unhooked i was like who took my fucking ladder out of everything to steal somebody's like i just want to go to bed you look over there's just one cell where they have two ladders he's like i'm fat i need it both of them my legs don't go that close together my fucking ladder it's hard to get down without the ladder. It's not far, but it's a leap of faith. As far as prison activities, I know you have cards and shit like that.

There's no risk or monopoly. We had risk and monopoly, shit like that. Monopoly in particular, they play for money. Yeah, Monopoly was a hot one. I saved the fuck away from Monopoly. Dudes be getting stabbed over Monopoly, but just about. They'll be screaming. It was a real, like, chill group that played Monopoly.

So, like, if you land on a hoteled-up boardwalk, there's real-life ramifications for that. There's some real life. You better have the money. You better forfeit or have the money won. That's a lot of Macs. Yeah, exactly. That's a whole lot of mackerel in the locker man they're not playing around um i personally played mostly

spades i got a little bit into chess because i knew how the pieces move but i was not on the par to be able to keep up with the guys in prison believe it or not that have been playing for 20 years 30 years and reading books about it and stuff um that pretty much i was just playing music man and they have mp3 players for 9090, and you pay $1.50 per song. I focused on my songs, learning how to play by ear, reading music theory. And unfortunately, I'm sad to admit that I watched every episode of the original season of Party Down South every Thursday on country music television. I don't know why.

I don't like reality shows, and I don't like rednecks. It was a redneck Jersey Shore. Ridiculousness. I don't know why, but I watched it. Ridiculousness mtv got watched so fucking much that can be on the 24 7 playlist in jail and prison ridiculousness they all like that with uh with that like skateboarder yeah yeah he does like that he does like he basically does videos that account to like funny internet videos but he does it on television america's funniest

home videos but internet era they love that shit because they don't have a fucking laptop yeah and so meanwhile you're sitting there like i saw these memes seven years ago yeah and they're losing their shit to like charlie bit my finger in 2019 i hated that shit so much like i didn't want to watch the news i never understood watching the fucking local birmingham news who fucking cares yeah who cares like i get the weather report it'd be nice to know if it's hot tomorrow but who fucking cares about the local like political race or the new car wash they're putting in like like they'd be obsessed with that shit it's like dude you've got seven more years like like none and you're stressing on this daily news that guy that guy'll be retired by the time you get out yeah it doesn't

affect you in the slightest doing like i guess like any sort of feeling of connection to what's going on outside is would be a little validating right i i guess maybe i i know i was annoyed by uh there was a went there was a window you could look out of a whole it wasn't just a window like it was a big wall that was glass with like bars on it but uh you could see the highway you could see like the highway from there and you could see the cars going by and it was like it's like i wonder where they're going i can only imagine cool they're probably going to the mall or something man i bet there's a girl in that car it's not real prison but my personal prison which is working at cisco i used to wonder what people

did driving at 2 p.m yeah like what are all these people doing on the road what lives do they exist where they're having a pressing issue to where there's big traffic like i i went to i drove at 2 p.m every once in a blue moon for a dentist appointment. What is this whole world happening? The whole town's out. How do they have this kind of time? The roads are tremendous everywhere at 2 p.m. It doesn't matter where you are in the country. My wife would be like, yeah, you know, I like to go shopping at, like, whatever, 11 a.m. on a weekday because it's not busy.

I'm like, you can do that? I can't do that. I go on Saturday at noon when everyone else does. You get a Costco on Saturday and you're like, it's a fucking madhouse in here. It's nice to be able to do that, though. That's when I ride my motorcycle.

I like to ride when everybody's already made it to work or before everybody's going to work early in the morning. It's been fucking cold riding lately. It's so cold. I kind of like it. I get back and I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Motorcycles forever. Do you have new gear?

Yeah, but before you guys jump to motorcycles... I'm getting cold. Real quick. Before you jump to motorcycles, we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors. You're right. This episode of PK is brought to you by SmartMouth. Everyone hates talking to someone with bad breath.

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our cum pills and the wonderful ugly sweaters hats and uh scarves below anyway you guys were jumping into talking about motorcycles if i believe you know if i recall still running around in summer gear huh mesh maybe it's so fucking cold it's so cold is this a caloric burning exercise where you just like honestly i just really wanted to ride and i was like it's not that cold and i was like i turned numb i turned not my whole body was your whole body my hands were fine okay but but like every because they're in gloves the gloves the gloves work but everything else i just turned numb i was going like 65 georgia it wasn't that cold but still like like going fast on a motorcycle now i've had a near accident because my hands didn't work like they expected

it was cold it was colder the probably it was below freezing but um yeah i had to hit the brakes and pull the clutch and i literally couldn't move my fingers a few minutes into the ride so just something to think about yeah uh yeah i'm careful i i do just need better gear or to it i just need better gear i'll just get some winter gear but it is kind of fun to like just i have a machine that makes you as cold as you want to go. Yeah, dude, I have a good time. I haven't ridden my bike in a week cause I took that trip. Yeah.

But, um, I'm still riding regularly. I'm having a good time. Yeah. Have you guys seen that? Uh, we talked about it like two years ago and it happened that juicy Smollett case.

Oh yeah. It's coming up. The, the guy, you know, it ended today. Yeah. So the guy that faked like he got attacked by yeah he was the guy that pretended that like a bunch of people in in the city of chicago went up to him during the polar vortex and said during the polar vortex and they were just walking around with nooses and bleach going this is maga countryly inaccurate walking through downtown Chicago.

It is downtown Chicago. That is not MAGA country, my friends. So basically, I think he was found guilty or pled guilty to five of the six charges against him of like, what was it? The headline says lying to police. Yeah, felony disorderly conduct. the police yeah felony disorderly conduct and i i saw something else that like you remember when people were like yeah this guy was probably this is back when it happened they're like oh he was probably like fucking those those nigerian jacked dudes because he's he's gay and then he admitted he was like yeah the day before we did like a dry rehearsal and then me and Mugumbe or whatever went back to my apartment and we both

beat off together. Why is that in the deposition? Because it establishes they had a relationship before that. I didn't need those details of the relationship. A little pregame. A little bit of raising your spirits

before you attempt a fake hate crime. Can you imagine, Taylor, if you and I masturbated the night before we committed a crime, how close and bonded we'd be? We went to middle Missouri and put you in blackface and you were like, this is Obama country and you assaulted me. And I was like, oh lordy lordy.

And I have a subway in my hand. What's the equivalent of a fake noose and MAGA hats though? I don't know. We're're like vaccinate them while we wear like it would be like vaccinate them with a yes we can shirt it'd be like one of those um it'd be like one of those like 1910 like racist shit where you just accuse a black guy of rape with no evidence and then people attack them. That kind of thing. But it's the modern day. It'd be the opposite. What's the book with Atticus

Finch? To Kill a Mockingbird. Look at us. We're all in on it. We're all smart. We've seen that. I read it. I read it in school. You haven't seen the movie? It's good. I think we saw the movie in school too. I think we watched the black and white movie when I was in school as well but i love the book i read it not too

terribly long ago we did yeah yeah we watched i haven't read one of those like classic amazingly good books as an adult like i read more stuff that's been written more currently i read about 900 books while i was incarcerated so i got quite a few under my belt yeah like i wonder how shit i don't know many of those of course were just great gatsby theory books that's exactly what i was thinking of the great finish it is trash it's not a good book it's not written well the plot's not interesting it is some some bougie rich idiot who's in west egg not liking the other bougie rich idiots who made their money earlier than he did

unless I'm mixing up the West and East Egg part of it but yeah I remember even at the time in like ninth grade when we got assigned that reading it and being like this is this straight up isn't good like how is um I was in prison and I didn't finish it what does that tell you the catcher in the rye or little women or Lord of the Flies. I think people like that one. Moby Dick. How are these books if you're not forced to read them? I love Moby Dick. Did you read it in prison or before?

No, because I'd done the audiobook not all that long ago. In the last 10 years. How often do you read fucking Moby Dick? I'm not obsessed or anything, but I like it a lot. I think it's very long, isn't it? It's like an epic? No. It's not that long. I don't think it's outrageously long.

Books that I considered outrageously long in 8th grade might be more consumable now. Moby Dick was like a thousand pages. I would guess 600 to 800. That's not too bad. Not nothing. It's not a quick read or anything yeah um but it's fun i like i read an is it called a novelette have you guys heard that yeah novella novella i think is what

i'm looking for novella i read a novella not too long ago sci-fi again i was like i really think i like this it's like you know how youtube ruins your attention span yeah i might be a novella guy now just a quick story i i get almost frustrated when i read like a book of like good short stories because like by the time i finish the 15 page story like i'm invested in the world i'm thinking of like implications of other things they could do and it's like you know the joey carol oats story i don't kind of imply that it's a short story and about a girl that maybe gets raped by some dude joyce carol oats i think it's a woman joyce sounds like a woman but she was into boxing and a lot of her stories have these like violent undertones and it was like damaging on teenage me i'm trying to come up with the name of it

it's called blonde we were the Mulvaney's where are you going where are you going I think it's that one and I don't know read it guys see if you get the undertones I think she gets raped by that dude or she like

halfway consents or so I don't know, but it, it's not happy. It's a little heavy. And we read it in high school and I was like, interesting. Have you ever seen,

never even heard of that one. Have you ever seen that Philip Seymour Hoffman movie where he's the priest and the, the non suspects him of, uh, being a pedophile. Uh, yeah, it's Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Yeah. I'm surprised I haven't seen it. Cause I love Philip Seymour Hoffman. It's really good. I'm looking at what it's philip seymour hoffman yeah i'm surprised i haven't seen it because i love philip seymour hoffman it's really good i'm looking at what it's called i can't think of the name doubt doubt d-o-b-t and i can't remember who plays the nun but it's like no you it's like mega famous actress it's like meryl streep there's really no you in it no it's spelled like doubt yeah oh i said doubt didn't i you spelled it d-o-b-t but you left the u out no oh well i know we all got scared i'm adopting your spelling i don't know how i did that i'm literally reading it uh but yeah it's a really good movie

i think it's meryl streep that plays the nun. She's good. They kind of leave it open almost at the end. You spend the whole movie kind of like, is he? Isn't he? You can't tell if he's either evil and manipulative or the nicest guy ever. He is around the kid a lot, but it seems like he's just a good guy.

You can't tell. You can't tell, yeah. I'll have to check that out. I got sucked into that movie on Netflix that I told you guys about the other night, the Western. I don't know. We all like Westerns. I was like, oh shit, a Western with Fat Damon, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Kirsten Dunst. That sounds amazing. Isn't it Meth Damon?

I like Fat Damon more because that's what he looks like now. It does rhyme better, yeah. It's wonderfully David. It's wonderfully made. It's beautiful. The acting's incredible, but the subject matter is not what I was looking for in a Western. I was looking

for a little bit more tombstone and a little bit less Brokeback Mountain. Ah, I see. It was too gay? It wasn't. It was too gay. I mean, it was very gay. Just gay enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was a good amount of gay, but that's not what turned me off. A good amount. But it didn't turn me off. I don't think I saw a single gun in the whole movie. That's even gayer than the protagonist. What is it, an Eastern? It's like a cowboy Western.

They're on a ranch in Montana riding horses and rustling cattle up and being branch owners that are far too wealthy. It's interesting because Benedict Cumberbatch is one brother and Fat Damon is the other, and they're complete opposites. Benedict is a genius, incredibly well-spoken guy. They're supposed to be brothers. The guy who plays Dr. Who

or Dr. Strange. Yeah. They look nothing alike. Exactly. And they act nothing alike. I think that's the point. I think that's why they're cast like that. One of them is fit and six-pack, and the other is fat Damon. He makes fun. He calls him fat so to his face throughout the movie.

That's what I messaged you guys. I was like, Benedict Cumberbatch is an evil fucker because he's just mean to everybody. He says the meanest things you can imagine straight to people's face and then just with no lube. Just the meanest shit you can imagine.

Sounds like a cool guy. The woman couldn't play the piano for the governor when the governor showed up because she's trembling with nervousness. guy. Like the woman couldn't play the piano for the governor when the governor showed up because she's trembling with nervousness. And he's like, you didn't play the panano? He knows how to pronounce piano. He didn't play the panano for the governor? You've been practicing all day?

You didn't want everybody to see how talented you were? Meanwhile, he's in his room playing the banjo so expertly that the captions say it. Plays banjo expertly. Expertly playing. He's like... It's like screaming.

Crushing it. Playing The Devil Went Down to Georgia. She's downstairs doing this show tune poorly, and he starts playing along with her. At first, it seems like a kind thing he's doing, but then he outpaces her and like adds like other layers to the performance. Like, like, like there's a big difference between a guy who's just hitting the

notes and a guy who's just, who's fucking playing music and a musician. Right. Incredible. And he's just up there. Like he's not smiling. He's just, yeah,

I bet that hurt. You said it's a banjo, right? He's focused on banjos. Banjos are, it's one of the coolest sounding instruments. I love banjo. It'sjo fastest instrument

in the world by average of notes per second really it's called like something the dog like the dog could jam on a banjo that's awesome yeah he had a pool and we used to go over there all the time you know we were swimming in the pool but also like knowing our grandparents and uh he would whip out the banjo sometimes and it it was just a treat for me. Power of the dog. Power of the dog. I don't know if I recommend it or not. Like, I don't know. It's fucking weird, man.

It's over two hours long. I sat there through the whole fucking thing. And I don't know how I feel about it. It's kind of how I feel at the lighthouse. If you guys have ever seen the lighthouse, like you get done with it. And you're like, the fuck did I just watch? That was with Willem Dafoe and the Twilight guy. Yeah.

Pattinson. Pattinson. Well, Pattinson's a great actor. And so is Willem Dafoe and the Twilight guy. Yeah, Pattinson. Well, Pattinson's a great actor and so is Willem Dafoe. I loved that movie. Have you seen The Lighthouse? I thought it was great. But I don't know if I can recommend it to people because it's so weird. Oh, I thought that was a movie that most people liked when they watched it. I would think the average person is turned off by

the weird mermaid pussy and the semen and all. Spoilers. My God. I was all. I can't even watch it now. Now I know the ending. Spoilers.

That spoiled nothing. You should say spoilers then. You're not going to be watching and be like, I knew the mermaid pussy was coming. The whole time that I watch it now, my brain's going to be going mermaid pussy, mermaid pussy, mermaid pussy.

It's coming. I mean, watching them slowly lose their marbles. It's coming. I mean, watching them slowly lose their marbles, it was good. I enjoyed that movie a lot. I think it's called a soliloquy. It's incredible. When Willem Dafoe goes on that long, uncut,

no camera moving away, just him reciting that nonsense. It must go on for two and a half, three minutes at least. It's bizarre and entertaining and fabulous it's it's real fucking good willem defoe as the investigator in american psycho is my favorite role of his i think yeah he played that so well have you heard the notes the director gave him for like how to play that scene oh the scene where they're in the office i think they're

going back and forth yeah i think they like shot it two or three times where they're in the office? They're going back and forth and questioning. I think they shot it two or three times where they're like, all right, Willem, now do it as though you know he's guilty. And then they reshot it. Now do it as though you're inquisitive. Now do it as though you're assuming his innocence and this is just proprietary stuff you have to do. And so it's so disjointed throughout that scene. So they took all three of those performances, the back and forth between those actors three times and they spliced them together

in this way in this way that makes you very uncomfortable watching it because you're thrown off because it's like well i thought one minute one tone is that smiling laughing willem dafoe who's like well of course you didn't cut anybody apart sir i look i let me get out of here and finish this up and then later he's like so was it 9 p.m or 10 p.m i need to know and it's just like oh fuck he's sticking it to him now it goes back and forth it's really good and he like tries to catch him he's like so how was dinner that night at the palisades he's like if you recall detective we went to Borgia. Borgia. Of course.

Of course. Just like you said. I'll talk to you later. I need to rewatch American Psycho. That's one of my favorite movies. I love it. I love Christian Bale as an actor. What do you think he did with that metal coat hanger? I don't know.

What do you think he did with it? I hope he didn't insert it. Did it have to do with mermaid pussy? I hope he didn't insert it. Did it have to do with mermaid pussy? I hope he didn't beat her with it. I don't think he inserted it. He might have. Actually, I wouldn't put it past him. He is a serial killer. He could have heated it up and burnt her,

or he could have whipped her with it. It seems like a terrible object to whip someone with. A belt would just do a better job. No, you could fuck somebody up whipping them with a coat hanger kind of thing. You know what would be the worst mommy dearest fucking car antenna oh car antenna would suck you know even be worse than that a whip well you're just cheating that's what it's made for a chain yeah it's a chain just beating the detection please go back to the car antenna yeah no it actually didn't hit i managed to catch it with the side of my hand and then

leg swept the girl that was swinging it at me i mean it was the girl was a little bit heavy set she went to swing it at me yeah i mean it wasn't a whole lot of ferocity behind it or anything i mean i just grabbed the tip of it i mean it hurt my hand a little bit but it didn't split me or anything it is fucking hilarious that girls think they can win fights. I know, right? I didn't even actually hurt her or have to hit her in any way. What I did was I grabbed her hand and then leg swept her and laid her on the ground gently.

What did you think you were about to do with that chain? You showed her the same generosity and gentleman-ship that that dude showed you in prison. Well, this was before I went to prison, thankfully. Yeah, well, you know, it was karma then that's why somebody showed me some murder he's beaten women before too i'm a bit of a woman beater what the hell i mean he's undefeated i i think i talked about this on the on the show years this is probably five years ago at this point i was at uh late night like a restaurant with someone and we're at the bar and behind us, there's a big glass pane to see out to the street.

This is when I lived in the city of St. Louis. And I had never seen like a full on fight in the street before between people. And this this black guy and this enormous, big, fat white woman, I say enormous like she's six, four. No, she was just like probably like five seven and wide but he was like five eight and built and this they they got in a honest to god fist fight right outside of this restaurant to the point that like all the there's a big table of black women sitting next to me and as it started to go down they're all like oh it's going down it going down and they all run outside too to be part of the menagerie watching it and of course i've they were not just fighting

on the sidewalk they're a bunch of you know parallel parked cars and they got in between like one sedan and one like van and this girl was like trying to throw like those like girl punches at him with a surprising amount of mass behind it and she like caught him with one and i think that humiliated him a lot in front of like this watching audience and he hit her so goddamn hard a couple times but he could not knock her out he couldn't knock her out couldn't put her to sleep he punched her he punched her twice and her head like hit the the front bumper of like a civic that was there like twice and she was down and she kept getting up they're both wasted and being like is that all you got you

bitch is that all you got and then like she he came over apparently a van that he was affiliated with pulled up and stopped and opened their sliding door and a couple of other guys got out and he punched that lady like twice more still couldn't knock her out and like she was getting back up and like going at him trying to smack him and he clearly embarrassing he can't knock her out and then the van starts driving away when it gets a little more real and this dude like knocks her down one more time turns around sprints and gets into the moving van. We called the police 25 minutes earlier. They just didn't show up because there's enough crime in St. Louis.

They were dealing with more serious shit. They weren't worried about that. They just didn't show up. This white girl got her ass beat and then just popped in a car. And she took a beating like an absolute champion. She could take a kick from Ronda Rousey or whoever. Good quality. Ronda Rousey, probably not a good quality kick.

Not a great kicker. Not a great kicker. Connor looks fucking huge. Connor, you know when a guy puts on some fat, but he's still not a fat person. He just added fat. It looks like he's added like not a fat person he just added fat so it looks like he's added a lot of

muscle but really he's added some muscle and some fat of course yeah can we pick up a current maybe I need to find it myself yeah it's that big bearded poofy picture of him I mean that's what he's going to look like if he's bulking you know he's going to be in a calorie surplus

and he had clearly put on some muscle I mean, that's what he's going to look like if he's bulking. He's going to be in a calorie surplus. And he had clearly put on some muscle. And he's not doing cardio because he's got a fucking pin in his leg or a bar in it or a rod or whatever it is now. Hard to do cardio without legs. Yeah, you got to do one of those fucking wheelchair bikes or something. I don't know what you do without your legs. I'm not finding the picture. You know what? This is good.

Can you show this picture, Zach? Yeah, he's definitely been getting bigger. Yeah, he's got a lot more size now, for sure. Just look at this and see. Oh, can you zoom in on that? Oh, yeah. So, like, look at him on the left in particular

that's not what he used to look like now he's added muscle i'm not saying he hasn't right saying a lot of that's not muscle sometimes you add some fat on there it's not cut muscle at least you know you put fat on it and all the muscles look a little bigger but really this is a man who can't do cardio i feel like the world is acting like he got jacked. I am saying he's eating his carbs. You're saying he got bigger. And I guarantee he's got more power behind that punch than he did when he was shredded, like very thin, because he has put some muscle on.

He looks strong. It doesn't look like he's been packing on fat in the wrong way it looks like it's almost like a clean this is i mean this is how you build my i see veins in his delts um he's definitely a higher fat percentage because he is bulking he's just i i see this as him adding adding calories so he can add muscle because that's how it works and then he'll cut the fat off and he'll look better than ever before probably. I just don't know if he can still fight. I mean, when's his last win?

Like 2019? Zach said a good point. Getting ready for Nate again. So if people don't know, Nate's a big boy. And that would imply he'd fight at 170, probably not 155. So this might be the move if you're getting ready for nate diaz the one trouble is connor although it wasn't true in the diaz fight is known for really just being the first round fighter he's absolutely lethal one of the most dangerous people

in the sports history four or five minutes you get the sixth, seventh minute and he wears out. The guy went from an inline four to a V8. He's just going to suck down more gas than before. Is Nate Diaz even a big name now? Or is it just the rivalry that they have that would make it interesting? He's a very big name. I would argue that his fighting talent right now, in his older

days, doesn't match his name, but he's a big name, and that's what you asked. Okay. But he's going to be the 14th best guy in his weight class. But still a big name. Yes, for sure. I mean, he has the face of a guy who's tough as shit.

You wouldn't pick a fight with that guy just by face. They can't make a muscle. Both the Diaz brothers, they go up there and they're like pose and they like put their arms forward. They look skinny. Their biceps don't do things when they flex. Their biceps are like, yeah, wait, why are you doing that other thing? I'm not great

at making muscles either, but they put their arm out like this and it looks like, dude, give it the peak. It makes it look all turkey-ish. You're doing this thing. Makes it look like a tendon? Yeah, it looks like a tendon. I think they're almost trying to play up their length

longer than they are. What's that animal that does that T-pose, like threat thing where it stands up? Have you seen that thing? I don't know what you're talking about. Let me find it. It's great. A honey badger. Uh-uh. A honey badger just attacks. A honey badger just fucks you up.

Good point. Nate Diaz, I'm confident I can outlift this guy in every single lift in the gym but he would also murder me in half a second yeah look at that i mean it looks like a little fried chicken when you have your arms extended this guy if he would just like he's doing i am not even okay it looks like the anchor arms episode of spongebob where they zoomed in on his arm without the anchor arm and it's like just a bone.

He needs to get it back and like if it rotating and he's to rotate it back and make a muscle. This thing he's doing looks bad. Yeah, it needs some anchor arms for sure. I can't tell if his core looks so broad because of his small arms or if he's just a big rib cage guy. I don't think his arm.

Well, okay, his arms aren't big and you might come from a. I'm saying body dysmorphia. Maybe that's not the term I'm looking for. But you see you. A man with big arms every day. And may have different expectations than a regular guy. I see Nate Diaz's arms is pretty good.

But he can't pose for shit. If he was doing it right. Reasonable. You're right. I bet he would look a lot more jacked. If he would do exactly what you did. Which was like tuck it, get that peak going. Yeah. Like if you put it forward, it looks like shit, but you tuck it, bring it back and it looks way better.

Well, that would be cool if Connor did another fight. But is he is he planning to fight again or is he just like amping up attention to himself so he can sell more of his like proper 20 or whatever his whiskey is? So I don't know. You can't tell by what he says. What he says is people think I don't have the fire. Just wait and see. I am fired up. I'm going to hit the gym.

I'm going to train. I'm going to be world champion again. Fucking watch me. That's what he tells you. But this is a guy who's retired six times. This is a guy who's been saying that before, and then he just loses. Like what he says and what he does don't always match, but he says he's coming back to take on the world.

It seems like, and I don't follow the UFC, but it seems like Conor's camp and himself personally is so good at PR and building up attention, building up hype, that he doesn't even really need the the the resume in the last couple years it's like no that's connor mcgregor the guy with the whiskey line the guy with the clothes line the guy with all of these uh controversies surrounding him he's inherently interesting even if he hasn't won in a couple years and i like that about him yeah yeah that happens for champions towards the end of their career people still care how they're

doing even though they're not what they used to be and then some guys are good on the mic connor i think is the second best guy on the mic ever i think he benefits from like being a pro fighter right like being the second best fighter on the mic ever is being the worst comedian to have ever taken a stage yeah he couldn't make it as a podcaster right but he's also the second best guy who's ever who's the number one i'm curious shale sonnen he's like as far as like ripping people like yeah and he would come prepared and he would have an attitude about dominating so for example they would do these events where there's like 12 champions or maybe the challengers and the champions all up there together doing a big press event.

And Chael would go in there saying, I'm going to get all the attention. If I don't have more mic time than everybody else combined, I haven't hit today's goal. And he would have rhymes and poems and lines and sick digs prepared. And then he was just a natural at the impromptu stuff as well. Jail is a really successful YouTube channel. Just rambling about.

Really? Yeah. I bet he's past a million subs. In no time. In like a year. And he just sort of rambles about fighters and littles and tell stories from his past and stuff like that. And he has the gift of gab. And he's the best part.

He's actually a good speaker as opposed to Connor, who just says, you'll do fucking nothing. Or who is that guy with the right attitude? Who is that guy as a lame comeback? He knows him. I have seen Connor go down the entire list of challengers in his weight class and list the lengths of all of their arms and in the weight class above him they're like they think that guy's bigger than me i got a 72 inch arm span that guy has a 71 inch arm span he's not bigger than me and then some guy is like connor i'm gonna take you jeremy stevens i'm the hardest hitting guy

at 145 and he's like who the fuck is that guy? Dude, you've watched tape on him. That's not a good comeback, but everyone loved it because when you're a fighter, all you have to say is, who is he? They think it's clever. It's the big banner moment, the big punchline. It doesn't matter the real substance behind it, but

oh, it sounded good in the moment. You'll do fucking nothing. It's tough. It's good. He delivers it. The Irish accent, I think good in the moment. Right? You'll do fucking nothing. It's tough. It's good. He delivers it. The Irish accent, I think, helps his popularity. I'll do nothing. He was going to fight a guy named Cole Miller. Good fighter. Wrestler. And Cole Miller had to pull out of the fight

because he injured his thumbs. Having no thumbs for a grappler is a big problem. And Conor's's like you fucking pussy you don't need no thumb to fight i don't need tums to fight and uh it's a pretty like is it good or is it not good i don't know it seemed pretty good at the time but only against other fighters who don't even have that. I mean, it seems like the same way, like making jokes is whether it's stand up or on a podcast, like a huge amount of it is how you say it more than what you're saying. Like if you have the right inflection,

the right intonation on certain syllables, you can make pretty much anything funny. You have that gift in particular. I was on a swim team with a guy who was telling a story about how he waited too long in a Wendy's drive-thru. Everybody's in stitches. It's fucking hilarious. If I used that same material, they'd all leave the room.

But he had that gift. We get it. You were at Wendy's too long. Christ. Yeah. Sorry you had to wait on your Baconator, asshole. That's the response I would get. But, yeah, it's a gift

people have. It's cool. Do you follow UFC much, Josh? Or what's your main sport if you're a sports guy at all? The only thing that I ever paid any attention to was skateboarding. I went through a brief period of time when I was in prison where I was watching UFC fights, but pretty early on I realized that a bunch of dudes watching men fight gets them fired up to want

to fight. And then they get real aggressive and really egotistical and it gets real bad. So I stayed away from that while to want to fight and then they get real aggressive and really egotistical and it gets real bad so i stayed away from that while i was locked up and then haven't kept up with it since smart that seems fair yeah i was a skateboarder in my youth it seems like anything would be better to play in the common room than professional fighting yeah yeah it gets them very fired up and egotistical and then they all are looking for any slight at all to tell somebody to catch the cell. And it's just a whole bunch of ego nonsense in prison where I was mostly exposed to it.

Yeah, go to the cell and fight. Meet me in the cell so we can fight privately? Or they say put your shoes on or whatever. Yeah. Dude, that's the last thing I want. I want to fight in front of the guard station. That's what they call a check-in move. That's why they tell you to catch the cell.

Can you buy baby oil at the commissary you used to be able to but you can make amazing can i slick myself up naked you have to use some vaseline not baby oil they took the baby oil off because people were making really good tattoo ink with it vaseline makes equally good tattoo really you can make tattoo ink out of baby oil yeah you burn it same as you do with vaseline you basically make a wick with toilet paper. Um, allow it to, I was twisting this toilet paper up earlier.

If you twist it into like a small wick, completely saturate it with Vaseline or baby oil and set it upright in a container with some kind of metal thing, like, uh, anything at all to hold it up, it will burn and consume the oil into a very black soot. And you put it on,

you know, underneath something like your locker or your cell, your bunk, I mean, and let it build up on the bottom, scrape the soot off, and you've got ink, basically. Do you use prison tricks in inappropriate situations now that you're free? Like your McDonald's coffee is too cold and you're like, I got this. You fucking set the napkin on fire. I haven't had to whip out any prison skills i do have them like if we ever need a lighter for some reason and the lighter dies i'm good i know 40 ways to light a fire without needing a lighter

at all i can't believe that was once an issue in my life the lighter's dead what are we gonna do to smoke this weed like back in the day we're like oh no we gotta go to the gas station now i'm like you have a pencil and a paper clip or a microwave, an envelope, a staple, like so many things that I can use. A battery and a piece of steel wool or any kind of thin tin foil. We can light cigarettes, joints, whatever we need to light. Trust

me. I do still eyeball stamps every time that I see mail. My eye checks to see whether the stamp has been pressed or not. I'm not going to pick it off if it hasn't been pressed. I don't have the urge to do so. I was camping this summer and we picked up this guy,

rode with his dog on the gas tank. We didn't know him or anything, but he was by himself, so we let him join our group for a bit. I recognized his tattoos as likely to be prison tattoos. There's an artistic style and stuff. And we have dinner and he starts expertly putting together some ramen noodles and Chef Boyardee and turning it into something else.

Oh, yeah. And I'm like, dude, is that a prison recipe? And he goes, no. And I say, let me rephrase. Be honest. Is that a prison recipe? And he goes, yeah. Yeah, it is.

You see somebody make something incredible out of ramen, you already know the business. I couldn't get my head wrapped around the ramen noodle thing. It didn't make sense when that chili existed. It was just so much. It was so good. I hated the ramen. I ate ramen like three times.

I always loved the ramen. I fucked with the ramen top. I dumped mackerel in it, whatever. It was so versatile. Which flavor of ramen were you a big fan of? I mostly like spicy chicken, the picante chicken. Yeah. I can no longer eat creamy chicken or the chili-flavored kind.

Those two, I got very, very tired of those. Creamy chicken, you can taste it for six hours, and the chili one just is burning into my brain because it's all they sold at my jail for like four months at one point. And I just cannot stomach the taste of it anymore. The guys would add mayonnaise to it. i saw that i saw that shit squirt a whole two three packs of mayonnaise in that bitch i don't know what's up with that we had the whole squeeze thing we had like shelf stable mayonnaise that that comes in a in a fucking squeeze thing and they

just load it they'd load it up and i was like oh no gross man you know you can just like boil it and then add that fucking flavor packet and it's pretty pretty fucking good it's already pretty bad for you don't have to add a bunch of lard to it it was awful it was awful i ate a little bit but mostly i ate those chilies and i didn't eat much when i was there anyway like the chili pouches off the store yeah those are so fucking good those are really good yeah i would i get the jalapeno slices in that huge ass jar and i'd see i didn't know that when you bought jalapeno slices they were going to give me like a half gallon of them so i bought like three jars the first day i got there or something it's like because i thought i was gonna get a screw top nobody tells you like

how many are going to be in anything like like so when you buy cheese you're like how much you don't know is it one slice is it a block you don't know i wish i had a commissary list still i've got one somewhere actually it's pretty good shit i mean i got it's about i usually tell people it's like everything you can get inside of a good gas station that isn't like the burgers and taquitos and nonsense right yeah everything that's on the shelves chili pouches and vienna sausages mackerel ramen stuff like that toothbrushes and toothpaste chips and sodas stuff. Just everything that's bad for you. What was

the item that if you're a new guy and you went to load up on it, that you were most likely to be harassed for having? If some guy bought eight packs of chips, is he signing himself up to get harassed? Or is it max? I feel like not necessarily. The sodas are a hot commodity because

the mediums are limited. You can only get a 12 pack and so people will be like what you gonna do with those sodas man are you gonna drink them can i sell those let me buy those from you because you know nah well dude sell them for profit you know i don't know if they did that at the camp but they'll fill up their trash can with ice and have cold sodas and you can buy one for two stamps so they'll turn a little profit on it you know and you get already freezing cold i would say they'll be trying to buy them i would take that giant ass mug and fill it up in the ice machine because we i don't know about you we have access to one of those really nice ice machine that makes yeah big ass ice machine we have and uh i'd fill that thing up and like i put my diet pepsi like

down in it and make a little cooler to like a refrigerator yeah with your mug the big clear gallon mug the big yeah with the handle yeah huge that thing was full of ice water all day. Super huge. It worked as a cooler for one beverage at a time. I've always wondered this about it. If you go into a prison like you were in, and let's say I'm a guy worth $200 million on the outside. If I go in there and I'm like, I'll take everything from the commissary. I'll take whatever, whatever this. everything from the commissary. I'll take whatever, whatever this.

Am I a target or am I able to be like, hey, anybody who comes near me, beat the shit out of them and I'll give you way more money than anybody here can even compete with. I personally don't think it would come to that. You don't think so? For what it's worth, there's a spending limit. There's a cap at $360

per month that you can spend. Certain things don't come off that limit like stamps and certain toiletries and hygiene products, but some dudes do that. Some dudes go at the start of the month and they drop their whole spending limit for the month and then fill up their locker and just eat off it for the month.

So no, I don't think you'd be particularly targeted. You have a lot of bags of store coming back. You'd have to have somebody to help you, but nobody's going to just be trying to beg and bum off of you like that. If you're just doing your time and staying out of the way, they're going to stay out of your way. But if you wanted to become the pod boss,

could you do that via the amount of fucking stamps that you acquired? Like now you're just paying some guy named- I don't see why not. You're talking about like a civilization instead of a domination victory. You're trying to get like a- I'm trying to win economically in my prison sentence. Yeah. Yeah, probably. You could probably pay some people off. Victor, you're trying to get like a... I'm trying to win economically in my prison sense. Yeah.

You could probably pay some people off. I think it doesn't take $200 million to dominate financially the prison population. Probably $1 million will do it. I was just making up a ridiculously high number. Probably $100 grand. I was at Butner, North Carolina when Bernie Madoff was there. These are people who use mackerel as currency, boy. Wait, wait. Josh, you were where when

Bernie Madoff was there? I was at butner north carolina when bernie made off was there i had breakfast with him twice so he he was a billionaire and you know they had the uh this is before drones people weren't dropping contraband with drones yet now they're putting nets over lots of federal prisons but we used to just have helicopter wires just basically look like telephone wires but they're rubber strings to stop helicopters from coming down to get inmates to for some abortive rescue mission and we always called him the bernie madoff wires there because he was the only one that would probably have the financial fortitude to get somebody to come in there and save his ass you know what was he ever messed with or was he just too high to the best

of my knowledge he wasn't messed with now people would joke and say things like yo if that dude over there comes and asks you for a honey bun and he'll give you a honey bun back next week don't fuck with him you know like they joke like that saying oh man that man's got every honey bun on the compound because you know he ran a ponzi scheme is what he went to prison for so hey listen you give me you give me a honey bun now i'll give you one-tenth of a honey bun every weekend for the next 20 weeks nobody has gotten their honey bun back that would. That would be the funniest shit on earth. If he successfully pulled off a honey bun Ponzi scheme in prison. If I'm not mistaken, I think he died recently.

So I guess rest in peace to Bernie Madoff. But he was there at the same time as me. He watched me play bass in a Christmas show at Butner while we were there. That's hilarious, man. I learned some, what the hell? We played Suzy Q by CCR and we played some funky version of Jingle Bells or something. Had a good old time.

Bernie Madoff was there. He didn't look like he was getting harassed or hassled. My mom did send me his wiki page. April 2021 is what Zach just said. So rest in peace, Bernie, I suppose. I don't know anything about him or how many people he screwed over. Yeah, I figured he would die at Butner. He wasn't

harassed or screwed with to the best of my knowledge um people joked on him a lot and pretty much just said don't borrow don't let him borrow anything from you but he he was good man he stayed out of the way i feel like i was about to say something i was gonna say as far as like spending too much and like making yourself like a target or anything the thing was that like everybody was coming back to their their cell with like a christmas sack of stuff on like commissary day so it's like you're not if you've got if you literally have 30 pounds of commissary that you're bringing back in a sack that you can that you have to drag no one is going to blink an eye because you're not going to blink an eye there's someone coming right behind you okay right now don't get me wrong i'm sure that probably a quarter of the inmates or so either

don't make commissary often or not at all or they're you know yeah they were guys whatever but it's definitely common enough to where you're not going to get people looking at you because you bought a lot of commissary there's plenty of dudes in there that are perfectly upset financially they got no problem maxing out their limit once a month you know how often can you go to commissary commissary once a week unless you're at you go to commissary? Once a week. Unless you're at your spending limit, in which case, then you can only buy approved items like stamps and hygiene and stuff.

But once a week, you get a rotating day. Can't I just buy like $100 worth of stamps and then buy your ramen noodles? You can get one book of stamps per week on the commissary. And also at the prisons that I was at, the stamps between inmates

were only worth 33 cents. There was really no reason to ever buy them off commissary. So you couldn't max out your commissary and then buy a bunch of stamps and then use those stamps to buy more of the unapproved unlimited items or limited items, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. You could. You could do that.

Yeah, because you'll take an unlimited amount of stamps. You can be like, you're not getting your sodas this week. I'll get you $3 worth of mackerel, you know, and okay, cool. You can get my sodas, you're not getting your sodas this week. I'll get you $3 worth of mackerel. Okay, cool. You can get my sodas. What was a lot more common for us anyway was to either swap days with somebody or be like, get this for me today and I'll get this for you tomorrow.

Or even I've lost my train of thought. I want to spend more than $360. That's my goal. It seems like based on what he said, you can. Oh, I've lost my train of thought. I want to spend more than 360. That's my goal. Yeah. And it seems like based on what he said, you can. The main way, in my opinion, I circumvented is to go black market,

get your people on the street to send some money to his people on the street, and he just gives me the stamps. That's the best way to go about it, in my opinion. I did that all the time. Straight up illicit black market trading for stamps. He gets word, hey, your people just sent my wife $100. He gives you $100 worth of stamps. Now I can get whatever I want without touching my commissary limit.

Hey, here's $5. Give me $5 worth of this and you get sodas and you get sodas. Now I've got 200 sodas coming in one day. The other thing is $120 a week or whatever it came to is a shitload of junk food. That's a fuck ton of commiss on a commissary like it's so much you're not gonna run out unless you really pour planly on like one item like i think

one time i ran out of like salsa it's like oh i didn't get 10 cups of salsa this week i only got eight and i had to borrow a cup of salsa but like normally like 100 bucks a commissary a week is a fuck ton to blow through it literally is We have this laundry bag that's like this. Mesh laundry bag. Big white mesh. And you'd be walking back with that fucker just full of shit. Crunching. It's great. Breaking your potato chips. Yeah, they have a whole like, you know,

in the place where we go to get commissary, like, it's like a giant candy store back there. Like, there's so much shit. They had a, down to an art. There's a whole system. It's pretty cool. Do any of the... Because I know lots of people in prison spend a huge amount of their time lifting weights and working out.

Did those guys ever regularly supplement their protein with... We have protein powder. You can get protein powder. We couldn't at the media, but I heard about it. You can get protein bars. And you can steal eggs um from the uh from the from the kitchen so like that's no protein powder just like basic yeah yeah it was like level whey protein yeah like whey protein because i remember

snow asked me one day how many grams of protein per pound that he weighed he should be eating and like so when i spoke to kitty on the phone that day i asked her to google it for me real quick and then she told me and i went back and told him and he started doing the math he's like so i have my jake in the morning so that's that's 40 grams of protein he's like going through and i'm sitting there for five minutes nodding and smiling as he counts grams of protein that he's had today and at the end i'm like that's real good as you should he was a very useful guy for you. That's a lot of protein you got. Good job. You think that's enough?

I'm like, probably. Probably so. You're probably good. I didn't want to add more. I mean, you want more pack of mackerel, 32 grams. Who fucking cares? Who fucking cares? He does. He's got to go lift rocks and build those traps. All he had was those um those

medicine balls or whatever that he would tie in that sack around his waist and then he'd just do pull-ups and dips and shit yep you can get huge with nothing but pull-ups and dips yeah the weights there sucked so bad like i said it was rocks it was rocks and then we had a pole but you could put the rocks you could put you could rock you could put rocks in the laundry bags the mesh bags and then tie a bag to each end of a pole and now you had now you have a bench press now you got a bench press overhead press you can do curls you know very versatile bent rows we filled up a bag with my rolling stone magazines when i was in jail and it weighed like 30 pounds it was great they did were you did you have access j, to like a real gym ever?

Oh, no, no, no. Or was that kind of thing? The mediums, there's no free weights. You got like calisthenics only. So they had like a pull-up bar and a track on the rec yard. Everything else was up to you. It was filling up water bottles, putting them in the laundry bags, curling that, push-ups, burpees, and running the track.

There were no free weights. Now, at Butner, at the time that I was there, they did have free weights. I think it was the only or the last medium security that did have free weights. And I'm not sure if they still have them or not. I was there in 2014, very briefly. This was a big political issue like 20 years ago. So people who knew what they were doing, prison guards and such, wanted weight rooms. They were like, these weight rooms are incredibly important. Trust me, having big muscles is not really the point of prison, but we can discipline them.

They love the gym. They will behave to keep their access to the gym. We can keep them all in line by threatening to remove their bench from them or whatever. People who weren't in prison were like, they're coming out super criminals. They're coming out super strong,

super criminals. Don't roll your eyes Jack. They're coming out super strong, super criminals. Don't roll your eyes, though. They do come out huge. Yeah, but they come out disciplined. I just remember, it was just a known thing when I was a kid. Somebody would get out of prison, and they'd be like, did you see Joey? He got out.

He's fucking huge. He's fucking huge. You'd be like, what do they do to him in there? I think it's a legit question. Is someone more likely to rob a liquor store because now he has deltoids? Well, that's... Maybe not rob a liquor store, but maybe beat his wife to death this time.

Because... He could have done that without the delts. He has been hooking him up with nothing but free time, whey protein, and a pinch of grass. All he needs. And the memories of that bitch and how she called the cops on him. Now he did five years thinking about it every day, making that face right there.

I'm way too young to remember what you're referring to, Woody, but that makes a million percent sense. From your guys' perspective, if they had a full gym and they're like, if you guys misbehave and do xyz or anybody does you lose access to this functional trainer and this bench press setup like you would probably or i imagine prisoners would be a little more stringent about like what the fuck is wrong with you we're gonna lose our bench press yeah they they do that already they self-regulate if there's a chance of losing a privilege about it. Because the guy that fucks it up is going to get fucked up.

Oh, you don't want to be the guy in prison that ruins the gym. Yeah, one time I almost got a shook down and I was warned within an inch of my life that if it would have been a shakedown, it was going to be my ass. Not that context, my ass. How did you almost trigger a shakedown? I was late. I was brand new to the prison. I've been there for like two days and I didn't know it was time for the stand-up count. And so I was over fucking with the brand new to the prison. I'd been there for like two days and I didn't know it was time for the standup count.

And so I was over fucking with the phone trying to call my mom and I didn't realize they had called the count and everybody was standing outside of their cell lined up. And then I hear B range. And I was like, Oh shit. And sprinted over there and got there just in the nick of time before the dude around at the bend and saw where I was at, which would have got our whole row shook down. And there were people. They came and got, somebody came and got me. Somebody came and got me out of the phone room. I didn't know. I've been there like three days.

I didn't know what time they fucking. Yeah. Same. I just had no idea. Nobody told me about what time the count was going to be or anything like that. And I barely made it back. And they were like,

just so you know, that guy, if you're not in position, he shakes down the whole block. Your ass would have been grass. If you got this whole block shook down. So yeah, one inmate fucking it up for everybody.

You'd be surprised that the self-regulation would go on. Having access to a gym would definitely be a big motivation for people to not do dumb shit in there. There's something special about the gym where I don't want to lose access. If I lose access to the TV for four days, then I just suffer for four days. If I have to go backwards in the gym,

that sucks in a special way. And you get that natural dopamine from working out. And you release some stress, right? It's good for mental health all around. The only problem is if somebody kills somebody with some of the equipment, obviously. Which has happened in state prisons.

Which has happened, unfortunately, in that Stallone movie that we all saw. But I think it would definitely... It would have been nice to have had something to do. There was just that track and they had the elliptical machine that wasn't

it doesn't work it's self powered so there's no resistance you're just doing this there's nothing holding you back there's no engine in the treadmill it's just like you have to push on the bars and push the track with your feet you need a partner behind you who's also getting a workout by breaking

so josh are like obviously guitar spanish stuff like that as far as like your your mental state like mental skills do you think there's anything you learned from that prison experience that you're using actively in the free world as as you put it, like day to day? Absolutely. Absolutely, man. It completely shaped who I am today, obviously. I joke around a lot, and I still like to mess around and jokingly be toxic on RuneScape and stuff, man. Without threats.

Without threats, don't worry. I know where the legal line is now. I did not when I was 19. Now I know where that line in the sand is, and I stay on one side. I can't believe you got in trouble for that. He's back on RuneScape. I'm a full-time RuneScape streamer. I play it five hours, six hours a day now

on Twitch all day. It's still my favorite game. I still love it. What's your Twitch channel real quick so people can check it out? My Twitch is jpalalt, and I know that that is a doozy. I didn't know I was going to be a Twitch streamer

when I made that, but there's three Ls. J-P-I-L-L-A-U-L-T. It's like you keep your pills in a pill vault, And I know that that is a doozy. I didn't know it was going to be a Twitch streamer when I made that, but there's three L's J P I L L A U L T. It's like you keep your pills in a pill vault, but you just take out the V. So it's J Palalt is my Twitch. Hopefully we come up with something cool to change it too soon. The RS felon was already taken,

which is my name on RuneScape. But man, I saw so much about just like just observing in there. We'll show you so much about how toxic ego is and how so many of the world's problems just come down to like fuck you no fuck you on something completely ignorant where compromise could have easily been found if one person would budge a little bit um and how evil polarization is and and how much compassion humanity we lose when people are on opposite sides of the fence from us sorry Sorry about that alarm. So many things that are just like, could have not even been an issue, but one guy

had to be, I'm big Billy badass and I run this bitch. And just like, I learned a lot about compromise, hearing each other out and working towards middle grounds, how much that can really stop. I learned about the power of hope because like I said, these guys that wake up every day doing a life sentence, man, somewhere inside of them, there's a tiny grain of hope, even if it's pointless and it gets them through every day. And also one thing that I came to understand in a new light was friendship, which I believe is under the umbrella term of love. If you will forgive me, haha, gay. But like the powerful force of love and having friends that you really care about, that you have a good sense of humor with, to vibe with and you can spend time with can get you through like anything, dude. a good sense of humor with to vibe with and you can spend time with can get you through like anything dude like sharing that burden with somebody that you trust and care about even if

you're not talking about it man but just sitting there next to that dude every day knowing he's your homie and that you got this dude to laugh with at the end of the day i learned a lot about you know the resiliency of humans man and the malleability and the things that we can overcome and uh definitely came out a much stronger person mentally i try to be very balanced in all things in life now. I try to see both sides. That was definitely something I was not into beforehand. I try to see the positive and all negative. I try to use everything as a lesson in life.

No matter how small it might seem, you might accidentally drop your keys on the way to the door and you have a small lesson there in mindfulness, just tiny things like that. That really got me through day to day. And one thing that I'm really big about is middle ground. How many of your peers do you think left with this enlightenment? Because it's not what I think of when I hear felon.

Very few. Yeah. Very few. There's 91% at the lowest end percent of men in America either have been in prison before or that are in prison now, either have been before or will be back or have been twice. I'm in that percentage. The system is set up to make you fucking fail. There's no doubt about that. You can ask Kyle about it. They're popping up at your house, 10 days, random drug test. Then they hit you the next day, trying to catch you slipping.

No, most people don't come out with any kind of improved view. It would seem most people come out either the same or sometimes worse. The first time that I got out, I thought I had a better mindset. I ended up violating relapse and going right back. And the second time that I was in, I really got it down and I decided that they were going to hold me back. I didn't care if the fucking prosecutors called me a school shooter every day for the rest of my life.

I didn't care what my hometown thought. I didn't care what any of these people said or did. I was going to get out and I was going to do right. And I was going to get my life together, focus on moving forward, stay sober and just climb up from the bootstraps. And I realized that prior to my incarceration, I just wanted to sit around and be one of the type of people that blames

everybody else for their problems. I was, uh, everybody's not helping me, you know? Oh, I need a car to get a job and I need a job to get a car. I'm stuck.

I need help. Like it was always for me. And when I was in there, I realized that I'd had the opportunity all along to do whatever the fuck that I wanted. Cause when you don't have freedom, you kind of look at that differently, you know, like I could have, I could have now I can't, you know, even if I want to get an education now I can't.

And I had the opportunity then and I was just wasting it. You kind of start seeing things that way. Um, so for me personally, man, it was a really big, I spent about two years of being ate up. I didn't go into it much, uh, on the podcast. I guess it just didn't come up, but I had some testimony from ex-girlfriends of mine that came

in my sentencing and got me a lot of extra time. They were lying. I say that proudly. I've got a video on my channel, Why Did My Ex-Girlfriends Testify Against Me, if anybody is interested in that, because it later came out that allegedly... What happened? According to her, allegedly, according to one of them, the FBI charged her with something very bad because they essentially what happened? Well, according to her, allegedly, according to one of them, uh,

the FBI charged her with something very bad because they essentially followed her, uh, after my arrest, uh, and hung a very serious charge overhead that had a mandatory minimum five years. And they told her,

if you don't tell us what we want to hear about him, uh, then you're going to have to do this time, but we'll make it all go away. If you testify, that's what she told me. I can't guarantee that it's true. This is alleged.

I have the text and the evidence on the video on my channel. But she said that I had plans to shoot up a school, that I talked about it a lot, and that I had drawings or something, and I had made Molotov cocktails, none of which was found in my home. No drawings, no weapons of any sort. She was contradicted on the stand, whole nine yards.

But for the first two years that I got to prison, man, that shit was eating me alive every day. Like sitting there knowing that I don't know why she told this lie about me, but it was the nail in my coffin. And now I'm sitting here doing this woman's time. And not knowing the truth about it and not understanding it ate me up, man. And after two years, it took over two years of me getting in fights and doing drugs and doing dumb shit in prison

to just decide that it wasn't going to hold me back. And that for the rest of my life, anytime that I did anything bad, not only was I going to take accountability for it, but all my victories and my triumphs were going to be mine as well. And I was going to own them, and I wasn't going to let the FBI fucking stop me. And I wasn't going to let them say anything about me. I was going to finish my probation, do right. And it all worked out really well because when I was at the halfway house,

after I got out of prison the first time, I was job searching at a mall. By that, I mean, I got dropped off at the mall by the halfway house. I had to get six managers to sign a piece of paper that said I asked for a job, which consisted of me going into a store and saying, hey, are you guys hiring? Oh, you're going to have to go fill out an application online. Thanks. Can you sign this piece of paper that says I asked you for a job? Okay. And then I get to hang out at the mall for four hours. And I Uh, and I met my wife there and, uh, she was not vibing to me at first at all. I have a story about that as well. My YouTube, how I met my wife. And now we have a daughter together, man. And life is better than ever. I just recently moved to New

Orleans. Congratulations. That's fucking loving it here. I got out of small town, Mississippi. Hang on a second. Did you pick your wife up while you were doing mandatory job searching at a halfway house? Damn sure did. Yeah, it's called multitasking. I walked up. I actually don't have game.

With us wrapping it up, this is probably not a good time for me to bring it up, but I actually faked my accent when I met her because I didn't have any game left after being in prison so long and I just wanted to catch her attention.

So I walked up and I was like, excuse me, do you know, you guys happen to know where I can find Dick's sporting goods. I'm trying to find an exit. It leads like this way. Got her attention. She told me she was not interested.

Are you jolly well ready to fuck me? Yeah. Long-term goal was accomplished, I guess, because we're married now. At what point did she realize that you sound like you're from the South? At which point did she realize my real voice is Hank Hill mixed with a cow? About a week after we met,

I was texting her and she told me she wasn't interested in me. If you'll forgive my bloody hell. She doesn't like a fucking accent. Well, you're in luck. I've got another one. Well, you're in luck i've got another one um well you're in luck i'm a psychopath who's faking it luckily for you i'm a sociopath this is my real voice um it's hilarious yeah well when i first got released to the halfway house i actually got in trouble for this there was a really famous runescaper that i was a huge fan of since i was

like 16 called silent core he's a friend of mine dan very famous well-known runescape player and he had done a video about my case while i was inside uh so did charlie and i ended up linking up with him as well but um silent core did a video interview with me a week after i got out of prison or not video it's actually just a phone call while he played runescape in the background and it went like semi-viral like he got like half a million hits or something in like a week. And all of a sudden, all this crazy stuff was happening. And, you know, I was getting messages from all over the world and business opportunities and stuff. I was still at the halfway house. I ended up getting in trouble for doing a media engagement while I was at the halfway house.

It was worth it. So when Karis told me that she was not interested in me at all, I'd find that person for me one day, but it wasn't her. If you'll forgive my modesty, my wife is beautiful. She had quite a lot of Instagram followers. She gets macked on a lot. She was very used to turning guys down and letting them down early before they, you know,

got their hopes up and stuff. So when she told me that I just sent her the silent corner view, I was like, look, the jig is up. I was just trying to get your attention to see if you'd find me interesting. So we could talk a little bit.

Uh, if you don't, if you don't, if you want to be just friends, that's cool or whatever. I'm not interested in being just friends with you, but here's my real voice. And I hope you have a good one.

Bye. And she was like, what the fuck? This doesn't sound anything like him. My father-in-law sold her that I was dangerous. Ex convict, fresh out of prison for threatening a school that fake the British accent to meet my daughter.

I don't blame him. Currently I'm sitting right now and I can walk down there and give him a big old hug. And he'd be like, Hey, what's up buddy? So we've come a long way but uh I ended up going to forced rehab as I said and whenever I got out cares not stopped texting completely when I got out she

texted me out of the blue she said she thought about me and had not forgotten me because the British accent worked whether she liked the accent or not got her attention which was the point in the first place and she texted me out of the blue because she thought it was really weird that I just disappeared from all social media when I had this stuff going on for me. I had 10,000 YouTube subscribers before I had a video and people were waiting for me to come on these podcasts. And I was just waiting to get out of the halfway house. And as soon as I did, I disappeared. So how's your social media doing now? Are you killing it? No, no, no. I'm terrible at social media. I've got like 2000 Instagram followers and for some

reason, 4,000 on Twitter and I've got 10,000 on Twitch. That's my main area of focus. 40K on YouTube. I've been at 40K for a while. I've not had a lot of time to focus on YouTube since I've been in New Orleans, but I've got a slew of new content coming soon and big plans for 2022. New Year's resolution coming. But I do manage to keep this roof over my head

and keep the lights on just from playing RuneScape on Twitch. I do play Minecraft as well for anybody that's watching this long in the show. I have an SMP, so if you come to my Twitch chat and you keep bugging me about Minecraft, maybe we can switch over and start playing some Minecraft on the public server for everybody. Every so often, someone

comes on this show and kills it and they get a significant pop from it. It's a momentum builder. I think that's going to happen for you. I think you came on this show and killed it. Thank you, man. Check him out. Probably not, though. Probably not, though. Probably not.

No, I'm teasing. PKA family is all welcome over at my stream. Yeah, it's been a good time so far. We've still got another fucking hour of this. Don't worry. There's plenty more. I want to say something to the patrons. Every month... Kyle, do you have any idea at what level they can ask questions?

Is it $10? There's like two different question things, I think. I think there's one where we have to answer their question, and there's another where their question goes into a pool of things. Whenever someone gets to the thing where we have to answer the question, they never make a point of actually sending us the question we might have removed that one we might have removed that one but but the reason we removed is like no one ever once was like hey my question is like um but but i

think it's ten dollars um yeah because that's pkn here's where i was headed this week patreons to make your questions suck less, let's try something. Make them sex and relationship based. Just do it. We'll do a theme. You have, and this is true, three non-virgin hosts here at your disposal. Let us try your sex and relationship questions. See if we can make some better content.

Tell us about the successful British accent stories we want to know. Full-fledged penthouse letters with a question at the end. I'll do so much better than how many ducks I could beat up or what I do with a mermaid. The usual questions, the usual fare? Yeah. An upsettingly poor question. Hey, don't forget to do the AMA questions and i'll scroll through them and i'm just like the problem is no one wants to hear us answer these questions like that has to be weighed as well that's what i'm really upset about it's like nobody wants what other people want to know and a lot of them have been asked so many questions every once in a while there's a

question like i have intentionally not but like like don't ask me about my kids right they're they're not on this show they don't need to be exposed to you heathens. There's a reason I'm not talking about them. Their privacy is a thing now. They're not eight. Let's keep it about Woody or the gang. There you go. All about Woody. I like it that way. It's me.

It's the Woody show. Next week, just me. Just me monologuing for four hours. Sex questions. I'm going on a trip. All right. Sex question monologue. Hell yeah.

There it is. That would be a terrible show. If I just answered sex questions for four hours, for four hours. I mean, get on Twitch. Let's jump on there Saturday and do it, do a four hour sex question stream to your child viewers.

They're not child viewers. They're like 25 now. Oh, I mean, that's what the headline will say, though. Oh, yeah, yeah. The BuzzFeed article. The BuzzFeed article. That's what it'll say. Where did Taylor up and bounce out to, by the way? I don't know. Sometimes the hosts

have to go potty or something. I saw that you guys are pretty casual about it. Y'all just hit the mute and just hop on off. Yeah, we just disappear. That way nobody knows if they're listening to the audio. They're like, oh. Oh, well, Taylor's still here. He's just thinking really hard. Yeah, he's here.

He's thinking hard. If you're listening to this later, Taylor's here. Trust me. He's thinking. Kyle, did you ever tell anybody about your momentum on YouTube while you were locked up um no no um not really um i think i like sort of explained to snow once like what i did for a living like the basics of it um but no not to any real extent so people weren't in there like yo it's fps russia a couple uh mostly guards uh mostly

guards uh were um but um and then one um one of the inmates knew who i was he he was like related to um a celebrity i can't remember who it was it's that black who's the big black guy who's in the old spice commercials no no no yeah yeah he was he was like he was like that guy's like fucking cousin by marriage or some shit claim to fame yeah yeah my favorite part of kyle's prison story so kyle has a couple gifts right and one of them is like retelling stories from like i don't know i've said this many times he'll tell you about a star trek episode and you're like fuck i, I gotta see that. That was amazing. And then you watch it and it's like, eh, Kyle's version was better.

So he's in there getting protection from big, tough Mexican guys befriending him with like, let me tell you a story. There's this kid. He's from Hogwarts. And he would just lay out and use his and use his paraphrasing stories can be so much better.

Yeah. It sounds more interesting. Instead of reading the book, you can be over here and be like, look, so snakes up at the front of the grand hall, right? McGonagall hits him with that motherfucking booyah.

Right. Feeling it right. Cause secretly he was on their side. You know what I'm saying? So he's trying to deflect the shit, but he's trying to keep it cool. You? So he's trying to deflect the shit. But he's trying to keep it cool, you know? He's trying to keep it cool so Dumbledore, you know, because the jig,

it's a secret with him and Dumbledore. He can't blow the cover. And everybody's like, damn. But then they go to read it and it's like, Snape took a step backwards. Yeah. No, yeah, yeah. Snow loved the Harry Potter shit. He was reading when I left. I hope he finished them all.

Yeah, there you go. That's where he was when I left. He was 45 pages in. That's a good start. That's eight minutes work. It's Harry Potter. I do like those books. You might be a better reader because of it. You get through Harry Potter and you're a, uh, you might be a better reader because of it. Like there's a, you get through Harry Potter and you're a bad reader.

You'll finish a better reader. Reading books, improve my vocabulary. So significantly while I was in there, it's not even funny. I have a few YouTube runescape videos that I made before I went to prison. I'll watch them. And I just sound like the most washed out stoner.

Like I'm like, okay, you're going to want to have a few prayer potions and we're going to go to Falador to fight the giant mole. Like I sound like a whole different person. And almost all of that just came from reading. Okay, you're going to want to have a few prayer potions, and we're going to go to Falador to fight the giant mole. I sound like a whole different person. And almost all of that just came from reading. Taylor's an avid reader, and he has one of the better vocabularies and better minds for spelling that I know.

And I think that's a big part of it. He knows all kind of big words. All the spelling. The biggest words. I had to hit the dictionary plenty of times when I was in prison. Lots of people talking about it. Not enough. Not only does he know them words, he can spell

them. Yeah, dude, that's legitimately impressive. I know a lot more words than I can spell. He can spell words I can't even say. They might not even be real words, to be honest. They sound right, and i like them

no there's there's no like easier ego boost to me than when we're doing the titles and what he's like is this spelled right and i like do an easy like ie juxtaposition what he's like how does he know didn't even have to google it the word was structure even okay let's go enc to get backwards there if so there's a bigger problem he still does i'm like how do you remember hofstetter he has no trouble with it i remember like in high school like not understanding that people thought about things in different ways like they imagine things different and my high school girlfriend being like how do you how are you like so fast when you're talking i'm like well you know how when you think of something you kind of see the script in your head of what you're already

saying and like you just kind of follow like your next thought process she's like no no i don't see like any i don't see any words in my head but i bet she could also probably like visualize like pictures better than me or something like that like everyone's so different that was my forte as well if i see a word spelled once, I usually remember it. Yeah. Because I picture the word in my head when I think of it. Yeah.

I'm not sure why, but yeah, different. Some people don't think that way. And they're just as apt as we are at it just through different methods, you know? And some people are like fully photographic. Like that blows my mind when someone has like a truly photographic memory,

like they can look at a diagram, a page, anything, and then just recall that later. That's wild. I don't suffer from that particular affliction. I'm burnt out. I would love to suffer from that affliction. That would be great. I don't know.

I feel like you're using a lot of hard drive space. That's true, too. I'm not learning anything. I probably imagine the gathering in archery and weightlifting. You can't be cramming in like, oh, April 27th, 1999, that was the day that shit really hurt and then I stubbed my toe walking

out the door. Oh, yeah. I smelled lavender. I smelled lavender. Kyle's throwing stones. This is a man, two-thirds of his hard drive is filled with movie scripts. And movie scenes. Yes, yeah. He could recite shit. drive is filled with movie scripts. And movie scenes. Yeah, he could recite shit. Oh, my middle hard drive.

And songs. I've memorized so many songs. They're all memorized. I could do every country's music song from 1980 to 2000, probably. I could write the whole fucking thing down. Am I misremembering? I thought maybe this was years ago. Didn't you say you didn't like country? It doesn't matter what I do.

He looks down on some of the newer countries. I like old country like 85 and back, but this modern day. Red cup, cold beer, a bad girl and a dog. I don't know. All that dirt road, windows down bullshit. And we should invade Syria. All that, yeah. windows down bullshit, small town. And we should invade Syria.

Stay away from all that. That kind of America. That's my kind of music. I wish it would be a little bit more like that. No, I like the older country. I like the really old country, and I like the country that's like 80s and 90s. I like a lot of country. What I often look for in music is I want it to be uplifting. Like music,

your job is to put me in a good mood oftentimes and new country can do that. You know, red cup, cold beer. I do. I mean, that's, that's what I always tell people. It's like I trash on that kind of music, but at the end of the day, it's not up to me. Like what makes other have emotional connections, you know, like I was trying to do a vocal piece the other day because I'm trying to get back into singing and it's a song, but everybody knows the pop song. I took a pill and a visa by Mike Posner, you know, like I was trying to do a vocal piece the other day because I'm trying to get back into singing and it's a song that everybody knows the pop song. I took a pill

and a visa by Mike Posner, you know, I love that, but not Mike Pose's version. Well, I saw on YouTube, he did an acoustic version of it. Right. And I've always thought of that song as this bullshit, crappy mainstream pop filler song that really doesn't have any thought or emotion behind it. When I heard him played acoustically, I realized it's a song about his struggles with fame and how he doesn't trust people anymore because everybody loves him now that he's rich and famous and it's actually a much better song that i connected to same damn lyrics same exact emotion behind it you know so i always tell people like if it's all about your connection to it and how it makes you feel if you like fucking windows down dirt road small town

that girl that no skin off my nose you know know, as long as you're not listening to Limp Bizkit, I don't care. Oh, you don't like Limp Bizkit? Bizkit? Oh dear God, I accidentally threw it out there. Sorry guys,

it'd be the name call here. There's a, biggest Limp Bizkit thing. There's a version of, I took a pill and a bees in. I don't know if I can pronounce her name right, but it's like Billy Choo Chat. Anyway,

I heard it and I fucking loved it. Every so often. It's a all great song a song like every note in the melody is perfect to you right that and i just jammed on this thing listen to it again and again and again and i forgot who sang it but i knew it was a chick so i was looking for it on spotify for like two years i just went through and listened to every version of I Took a Pill and a Beezer on Spotify. And I couldn't find it. I couldn't fucking find it. And I knew it was a girl.

It wasn't until I looked for a girl named Billie that I found the song again. And that's what got me. And now it's on my lights. Now the song completely resonates with me differently. It's a song that I never thought much about. And whenever I heard it in a little more of what I consider a more musical fashion, it was a great song. I was surprised. Speaking of songs, this is not about country at all.

I took an Uber just yesterday to meet up with my wife and we went to the St. Louis Zoo. They have like a light show thing that you wanted to go see. And so I Uber to her place of work because it was closer so we could take the same car and drive straight there, drive back in the same car. And this – oh, fuck. Where the hell was I going with this? You took an Uber. Took an Uber and a Visa to show off that you were cool. With your wife.

It spawned off finding a song on Spotify. Maybe it was music-related. Billy Choo Chat. A girl with a boy's name Usually we hit this Usually I get this done One of those should have been right It should have been right

One of those should have been the trigger Were there monkeys? If there were monkeys I wouldn't forget it Every note in the song was ideal That's not helping That was the Uber ride Oh thank god Kyle That brought me back I was the uber ride oh oh thank god kyle you did it that brought me back that brought me back

i was in the uber ride thank you so much and usually you know how they'll play music and like give you an option for things this guy he was a very sweet guy like very nice guy and he played i could see on his like you know how they have their phone up there where you can see everything and he had like a little that little window in the top of his phone playing YouTube. We listened to Dance Dance Revolution music the entire way. One star review. No language in the songs. It was just like...

Hard style all the way. And he was nodding his head to the front and it was it was the and i could and i knew it was ddr because i could see in the little window at the top of his phone the little arrows going up and down and it was somebody going like flight. I think maybe flight of the butterfly. Is that the name of a DDR song? That's very flight of the bumblebee, a very difficult DDR. Flight of the bumblebee is that it's a classical piece. It's really famous.

They played in cartoons. Then it was something like that. And so for 25 minutes, I'm sitting there listening to DDR music and I can see the. Why didn't you ask him to? was because i didn't mind i could tell that he was enjoying it and it wasn't bothering me i could tell he was liking it and it wasn't bothering me and i was on a drive home and i'm getting tired right and i hate driving sleepy i it's irresponsible i think it's like parallel to driving drunk almost maybe and uh anyway i put on a like a guitar hero playlist so i'm fucking the helicopters i'm in the band through the fire

and flames through the fire and flames yeah just wake it up and keeping it going i have to find something that i can sing along to if i'm if i'm looking for that effect like like i need to get the windows rolled down and fucking start jamming out and like like like singing along to whatever the song is if i if i'm drifting off because if i just put on some like heavy metal or something it'll put me right to sleep i'll just go to sleep i'll just i'll just fade out and i agree with you like like sleepy driving is worse than drunk driving in a lot of cases like if you go in conscious you because because the end game is you going unconscious perhaps i'm a better driver drunk than i am unconscious i would wait it's a good point as well because unconscious you're not even there

at least somebody's there when you're drunk even if it's drunk you probably sleepy you at least isn't in a place that hits other people as often. You just slide off the highway. Whereas drunk you is in the city and shit. What was I going to say? I pull over to rest, but I'm not a very good sleeper without my BPAP. So I just get some awful wake up every minute sleep for 20 minutes. Wake up choking.

Yeah. It's rest. You know, I'm a little better, but I have like a sore throat and that was terrible. How, and if you had to go to bed tonight without the, the BPAP, would your snoring be so outrageous that Jack, you would have to be like, I'm going in a guest room. Like I can't. So it would be pretty bad, but you said bed. In bed, I can cheat a little bit and sleep on my side and have the perfect pillows

that I can't pull off in a truck. Fair enough. In a truck, nobody's sleeping well on the side of the road. This would be a parking lot. Oh, a parking lot. Okay. In the gas station, if you pull around behind often there's

parking spots and nobody there's no traffic so i'll do that or a hotel you know i just i line it up so that the sun is like the farthest from me maybe from the over the back and uh um so that that kind of you know just sleep as best i can. Look, I'm tired. It's safer than pushing through. For sure. Like, that's how a ton of accidents happen is people are like, I can do it. In aviation, it's called get there-itis. It's a stupid name, but people make

bad decisions because they just feel like they have to get home. Like, the weather's bad, but I need to get home tonight. You don't, bro. You can afford an airplane. You can afford a motel. You're fine. Come home tomorrow.

I don't know what you're risking your life over. I'm already not a good driver. I didn't get my license until I was 25. Really? That's what happened there. How did that work? Well, there was this brief period of time. Well, from 19.

He was 19 when he went in. That's three years of license time i uh i got in the habit of drinking to excess almost daily when i was 14 so i never got around to learning how to drive a car i got a little bit of an early start with the drinking and the drugging and uh i was never in a right state of mind for that many consecutive years to learn how to actually drive so whenever i got out the first time one of the big things was my mom making me bus laps around the block and my little 2004 Ford Focus that I had at the time that my grandfather gave me when I got out, learning how to flick that blinker. But I did manage to

successfully get my license. And now I've got a Volkswagen, me and my wife do, that I drive quite well. I have not wrecked yet. Did you pass it your first time? Yeah, I did pass the driving test the first time. I cheated for my permit, just like I did whenever I was 18. I didn't even get my permit until I was 18. The only reason I did that was so I could get cigarettes. When I was 18, I told my mom, I was like, now you have to take me up there to at least get a permit so I can buy cigarettes.

I'm 18 now. How do you cheat on your written exam? This is what we're talking about, right? Well, back then I had a BlackBerry the first time. We didn't have Siri, which would have made it a lot easier. But we did have voice-to-text. And so I would just open Google, and I would push it, and I would hit voice-to-text, and I would read the question out loud.

I could be like, how many meters behind a leading car? Because the Mississippi State driver's exam is entirely on Google. So I would just read read it out loud. And then I'd like eyeball down at my phone and see it and then hit it. Most of them were common sense. But like if I didn't know, I just cheated. I did that again when I was 25 when I went for the permit test. I went in there and I just it was way easier with an actual like a touchscreen phone.

I had a $50 Alcatel phone at that point, which was my first ever touchscreen in 2017. And it was a lot easier that time around because I just held down the talk button on the side. You can do is there's a study guide and they put all the answers in it. You could just read that before. I did. But only like half of it. Because I knew I was going to be able to cheat.

So I didn't bother studying it. I was like, you know what? As long as I don't wreck into other people, I'll get that part down fine. I just need to actually get to the practicing part i remember taking the like permit test which was just a computer test when i was 15 and or no it's not 16 you have to take a computer test and then once you pass the computer test you can do the driving

test and i passed the driver one first time easy because it wasn't hard the written one I remember like being so high and confident in myself because it was like what do you do at a red light and I'm like stop what do you do what do you do at a green light go and I got to like and I missed a couple and there was one and I still remember it was like if a semi truck is pulled to the right of a one-way freeway and it has its hazards on are you required to go to the left lane and slow down slow down and remain in the right lane or go in the left lane and you can go whatever speed you want and i remember being like i don't know I guess you go to the side and you slow down. And I lost because it was like, no,

you go to the left and you can go as fast as you want. And it's like, oh, okay. Well, that's something. And the next time that same question came up and it was like, ha ha ha ha, gotcha. Not doing this again. That's how learning works. Fool me once, you ain't gonna fool me again.

Successful learning. I think that I got down to where I could only fail one more. It was the Peter test as well. You think that someone that was able to run the free world will be able to drive, but I can't because I'm too high on cocaine and running baseball teams. He was a very cool president. You didn't take two tries to pass it. You're just saying you didn't get 100. Wait, you did take two tries.

No, no. That question, the written one, I missed that one and I failed. And so I had to go back and do the written again and then passed it. And then the driver test, like that was the one in my head. I'm like, this written thing is going to be a joke. The driver's test is where we separate the boys from the men. And then I did the driver test. Easy, easy. It was the easiest. And then I did the driver test. Easy.

It was the easiest shit I've ever done. The one thing that she, she, I got a 97. She docked me because she said that I didn't wait long enough at a right on red. Traffic was coming through the left lane. Like there wasn't even like a left turn that was allowed at the time.

Like it was it would have been easy but i made two mistakes uh one was at the very beginning the car started on the side of the road and you know there's like a white line that represents the shoulder you straddled it and that was the position in which you like started the car and i didn't use my turn signal to like get half the car into the lane which i guess you should but i didn't know and then uh another one was i stopped at the um stop sign but you couldn't see both ways so i like had to sort of roll forward again and look and she just took offense to that when you were really doing the safer thing instead of just going out blind

yeah like it like I double stopped or something and she didn't like it I got it wrong somehow but it was enough to pass did you guys ever take driving or I guess driver's ed did you have that at your school I think we had it at mine but I didn't personally take it

I don't think I took another course more seriously than driver's ed throughout all of high school that was the one where I really gave my full effort i gotta drive to the beach so i could i just dude i needed a license and my father was on board with that it was almost like ingrained in me like he had this idea that a license kind of um like it was a where your manhood starts where your freedom starts where your like like personal you're an adult kind of starts yeah and and just dude the ability to go anywhere and not depend on other people was a huge thing and i did have a moped so i had a taste of that but a car is just times 10 that's different yeah yeah so um i i made sure to get my car – I made sure to get my license and do well.

It's motivated. Kyle, you passed your written license and your driver's the first time? Everything went fine. The only thing I did – I had never driven a car before. I'd only driven trucks because I would always drive with my dad and never with my mom and she had a uh she had an ultima then um and he had a silverado and i very different and so i for some reason i thought i should take the test in this in the ultima um and uh it didn't go well i backed over a couple of cones but he was like fuck it and gave me my license and the only thing i ever failed i think it took me two tries

to get my motorcycle license because of the road test and in hindsight like some bikes are just easier to pass that like slow speed parking lot stuff they have you do than others and i was on like what you'd call a crotch rocket it was a honda interceptor and it was just a little tougher to do all the cones and stuff at slow speeds i think than another bike would have been took yeah yeah i definitely didn't get a perfect score on my riding test um i had to put my foot down and what that that crazy uh figure eight thing you got to do low speed figure eight i practice low speed stuff a lot i think i do really well now on almost any bike i'm better at it now than I obviously than when I first started,

but it is where, you know, things can get weird and parking lot situations when things are unexpected or happening. I try to avoid that as much as I can, but practice for it at the same time. It's harder still if you have luggage or a passenger, like it wants to tip over more.

Yeah. I can't imagine. I, I've had people want to get on the back of my my motorcycle and it's just like no no you get your own get your not yet you're not feeling it okay no i don't i just don't want anyone on there even if i i don't want anybody on there like are you crazy like i'm crazy for for i'm a control up here and it's a bad idea like do you think you could pass like a big rig test

how would i pass a big rig test yes like do you think you would do well off this like do you think you could pass like if you were taking a big rip because obviously big rig driving test with let's say you got two days of training oh shit oh this gets better i'll be honest i don't know how stringent the test is however i feel like i could get way more stringent than the regular driver's test i feel like in two days i could get down the basics of moving a tractor trailer around i could definitely like but but some of those if they have to do any like tricky like three point turns or anything like it's some sort of weird back it into like you do you have to back into a specific kind of stall space to drop off your load i mean if there's just one thing like that

and they don't make it super tricky like maybe but if it's a whole like obstacle course and nonsense then no if it's literally an obstacle course like like the motorcycle thing was a lot of different things one after another if they were like that no fucking way i back up trailers kind of frequently you know from the boat club or just at the house yeah and in the rear view mirror i'm pretty good like i you'd see me and think this guy's done this before when i have to use side view mirrors i'm not very good it's hard and that's what you'd have to do. It's real awkward. I grew up mostly backing up long trailers, like cattle trailers and really big flatbed trailers that you could put another tractor on top of.

And I'm okay at it, but I'm not ready for my CDL. Us being Southerners, I think there's a certain degree of that that's like inbred, I mean ingrained into us. No, inbred was the right word. Yeah, let's just say it was a Freudian slip. Ingrained in us to be able to jump on a four-wheeler or something and throw a tractor backwards, but I damn sure wouldn't be able to pass a fucking test for it,

I can tell you that. No. I would jackknife that bitch instantly, rip the whole fucking hook off everything. It'd be over. Although, I know some real dumb motherfuckers that got their CDL, so I feel like you give me a week and and and all bets are off yeah i mean i bet you could do it in a week maybe i don't know

you just have to be able to i wonder what the hard part of getting a cdl is is they're written that hard we've got truck drivers in the 50s. Let's make sure we ask one of them when we do the next Hangout, which is coming up soon. Yeah, next Hangout coming out soon. Check out the PKA Patreon if you want to be part of our Hangouts. Check that out.

I love fucking Hangouts. I always look forward to it. The Hangouts are so much fun. You never know what's going to happen. What kind of drugs are going to get used? These people are fucking doing psychedelics and drooling on themselves. The guy we were talking about from a couple months ago who could crush a can of tomato soup in his hand like a monster would. He's now, I guess he's smoked DMT every day for months now, which I don't think that's the way you're supposed to do DMT. Yeah, he changed his name to Voltron, and

I thought it was a bad idea, but he seems to think that the elves told him that Voltron was the way to go. I mean, if he's confident in it, man, hey. I mean, he's never getting a bad reaction. He just smokes DMT in the hangout, doesn't talk, and is laughing at everything.

The best part is he posts these images all the time in the Discord and all it is is a selfie of his face real close up with his eyes real open so you can see how bloodshot and blank they are. Because he's stone.

What does he do for a living? Nothing? He's an architect. what do you think he's an architect he works for industries exporting latex blinds matches he's the same guy that like it came up at one point we're like what are your what are your lifts because you just crushed that like nothing and he's like i don't know i can deadlift uh 675 but that's for that's for uh that's for a five by five rep routine so i don't know it was like are you are you serious he does you're so strong how much does he put on for dips it's he weighs like 300 pounds and he puts like an extra 120 on a belt and just doing dips at like 420 pounds. How much can you do?

My dips are literally double as powerful as mine are or something like that. I can't imagine. I'll be 200 pounds and slapping on 50, 60 pounds and I can do my workout. He's putting on double that

while weighing a hundred more fucking pounds 150 more fucking pounds or something outrageous he's literally that dude that like a viral fight would pop out and he would be the quote-unquote fat guy who was just throwing bombs with no form just knocking people down with the sheer force of the forget that if he just grabbed you with those fucking soup can crushers and started strangling you. You're dead. Soup can crushers. He,

he, like, like, like it started with me. Like, like, like I had been, I've been doing a lot of grip training and I was like,

I was seeing if I could crush a fucking soup can like without opening it, obviously. But I can't, I can dent the fuck out of it. I can't crush it. And, and this dude is like, pow. And he became addicted to it.

It's like his thing now. He's soup can guy now. I think he's getting dented cans at the store now for cheap or something so he can pop them all day. He's always popping fucking. And he was like, he framed it so funny because we had like 15 people on that hangout with soup cans. Like, and then he took a soup can and he put it inside like a Walgreens bag knowing he could do it. And then he squeezed it too hard and made a mess. And he was like, his response wasn't, I crushed it.

It was, now I got tomato sauce., his response wasn't, I crushed it. It was, ah, ah, now I got tomato sauce. No, I didn't crush it guys. Here it is. But it's all over my, my,

my keyboard. These and more feats of strength at the next PKA hangout. Yes. Be there. That was a good, that was a good commercial for the PKA hangout. I'm just saying. Next hangout.

We're going to crush cans again. I'm just saying. Next hangout, we're going to be Kim Crush cans again. I'm trying to... Hangout in the PK hangout. Maybe Josh Palat will finally reveal his pearl. Yes. I got a pearl when I was locked up, so put that in there. Pearl? Does that mean a guy came in your ass?

A touch of joy to the show. Classic. Thank you, Taylor. No, it's a body modification. Kyle, they weren't doing that at the camp. Getting a pearl. What's that again? Getting a pearl put in your dick.

What is that? Yeah, I got one when I was in there. It's a shaved down piece of a domino, specifically what mine is, shaped as a heart, at which point I had an intoxicated Mexican. He had wine on the breath. Let me see here.

If we're using this sleeve right here as my shaft, he grabbed the top part of the skin, stretched it up high, and stabbed through both sides of the skin, completely through both layers, through two giant holes, stretched it up, pushed the domino in there,

and then made me lower the skin and press it back down over it. And then he showed me how to make a cock sock to tie it so that it would heal up properly. Cock sock! You chose to do this? Oh yeah, it actually cost me $21. Not only did I choose to do it, I paid for it.

How does it look? You take a roll of toilet paper like so. You take about three squares, you fold it in half, hot dog style like so. Wrap it around the shaft. Make sure that it's good and cleaned first you know put some soap on it once you got it tied like so you grab you another couple squares of toilet paper you twist them just like you're making a normal wick like if you're gonna

try to light a cigarette with it or something like that you do that and you wrap it around your dong and tie the bandage in place like so until your pain it basically looks like this until it heals up do you have a little valentine under the skin of your dick yeah it stands at attention you know when it's standing at attention you can clearly see the heart fully uh the ostensible reward of this is that it is supposed to be very physically pleasing to the females i'm now married i do not comment on whether or not it is functional but i did whenever i whenever I made a video about it, I did say that if it went viral, which it was not even close to doing,

that I would prove it. So check out the PK hangout, maybe one day in the distant future when they get a million likes. I'll show a picture of the pearl. Do you still have this in your penis? Oh yeah, I'm not going to get it removed. I'll tell you that.

If I'd known how bad it was going to get hurt getting it put in, I wouldn't have been able to do it in the first place. But I underestimated it. I should have told you that yeah i knew it was gonna hurt but i didn't expect to almost pass out like i got woozy eyes a little woozy sweat till you describe it yeah almost passed out i had to get put down in a chair it's hurt you know what i just watched i've been watching uh nip tuck i'm doing a rewatch of that it's great show fx in the early 2000s was i remember it and um one of the characters is uncircumcised he's like a 17 18 year old kid and uh his uh his

girlfriend who i think is kate mara maybe a young kate mara i i look like her anyway but uh she's kind of weird about the uncircumcised dick it's it's a whole thing and he wants it fixed and both it his dad's a fucking plastic surgeon they could get this thing fixed perfectly and but he doesn't want to do it he's telling him you know uh just you know put the condom on and she won't even notice but she's like all right i'm gonna put a condom on she's like what well i want to see your dick like what's going on what are you what are you a magician where are you going like and uh so basically there's a part at the end of the last episode i watched where he's watching a fucking youtube video that teaches you how to circumcise yourself and he's getting

out the fucking like scissors and and and he's starting to circumcise scissors yeah scissors yeah like sharp ones yeah like surgical that's what they used to really do it isn't it like medical scissors yeah he's like following instructions, but still it's going to be a rough one. Vobity has told me about it. Just leave it. Remember, Vobity told us about that guy who got an adult circumcision and how mangled it looked for a long time to heal.

Yeah, don't get an adult circumcision. My God. At that point, just leave it, right? I would absolutely... No, get your adult circumcisions, kids. Look, you got to work hard for the things that you want in life. Whether it's a domino shaped like a heart inside your penis or it's...

Or it's just skinless. Or it's just a skinless dick you're looking for, like a chicken breast. You got to commit. It's all about the commitment. How big is the heart in your penis? I'd say that it's probably three quarters of an inch by three

quarters of an inch. Maybe a half inch thick. Half inch thick. Half inch thick, probably. The $21. Yeah, about the thickness of a domino. The $21. Did that cover the creation of the heart-shaped domino? Yeah, that included the heart. Yes it's uh ten dollars if you have your own pearl but this is the mexican did the mexican shaman who who cut you but the mexican moyle did he have uh anything inside his

penis oh yeah from what i understand he'd given himself to he had a whole jigsaw puzzle in there no dudes do get multiple guys get in lots of bbs yeah lucky charmers yeah clovers and blue moons yeah it was like the fucking guys uh keepsake on austin powers the lucky charm guy they're always after me lucky charms that's pretty much what the guy's dick was was evidence of self-mutilation did you see did you see it no i didn't see his uh the guy that talked me into getting one showed me his though because you don't actually have to whip out your dong to show somebody your pearl all you really have to do is just open up the piss flap and like you know you can see you don't have to look at the man's whole shaft enough you should have to see the the full thing in its post effect before you sign up for that

like i probably should have done all that stuff if i had that in in his penis i wouldn't want him to show me just the window of that i't want him to show me just the window of that i'd want him to show me the whole look like i was more concerned for healing that's what i was mostly concerned with was like what's the scarring gonna look like the scarring was minimal thankfully it would have been a little bit better but i figured out a very strange way to whomp it after about five days how'd you i couldn't take it anymore. A very strange left-handed technique, which involved keeping my shorts on. It was a long story, but I figured it out

and that definitely contributed to the scarring. With your shorts on, did you bust in your own shorts? No. Man, this is going to get complicated if I have to really go into the details of it. I don't mind. Spare no expense. The funny thing is that I've been on the official podcast three times, the one where they ask about jacking off

And they never really asked But this is my time to shine I guess So with the two gaping giant wounds in my dong I figured out that if I was wearing my shorts My basketball weed smoking shorts That I would You can stand near the toilet With your shorts on now

And if you did this Oh no come on Zach If you did this left-handed technique, where you kind of like right through the pants, kind of like this, sort of in a repetitive motion. Look, I was desperate after five days, okay? Now the trick to this was that the bulk of it is you had to pull the shorts up right here

so that the head was exposed a little bit. That way you didn't get any on the floor. You know what I'm saying? You were still capable of getting it in the toilet and not all over your shorts. Yeah, I mean, you have to be courteous. But it did rip open one side of the scar. You wake up at 3 a.m. and he's over there perched on the toilet like a fucking gargoyle.

No, no, you just stand on the toilet like a comedian. I just stood on the chair just to demonstrate. You know, it's just... Unless I was in the mood to gargoyle it on the toilet, in which case I'd hop up there. But also, for what it's worth, I did not do this while anybody was present in the room. What you do is say, I got to take a shit, and you throw the towel over your door

so nobody comes in. But you're basically, you just milked yourself into a toilet, right? Basically, it was probably very similar to milking a cow, yeah. Wasn't the first time? After five days. Wasn't the last?

Wasn't the first time. It wasn't the last. There will probably be many more adventures like that. I didn't masturbate the whole time I was there. 30 days. You're trolling me. Did you have time I was there You're trolling me Did you have any wet dreams? Did you have any wet dreams?

No, no wet dreams I had no interest in jerking off I just wanted to go home What Kyle means is that he never What Kyle means is he never jerked himself off There's a distinction here But that right forearm was getting strong i gave a lot of hand jobs but nothing um no i really didn't like there was no point the whole

time i was there that i that i that i felt like horny or like the desire to jerk off or anything like that i mean i didn't be horny well the one thing was how constipated I was when I first got there from stress, right? I can't remember how long it was that I went without shitting. It's not fresh in my mind anymore, but go back to that, whatever I said. I think it was like 21 days, 22 days. I think it was nine days for me

when I got to prison. It was somewhere between 10 and 20 days or something that I went with. I was getting seriously concerned. Yeah, about the fact that you haven't needed to. You're like, this is going to pop or something. Yeah, because I didn't feel constipated. I didn't feel bloated or anything.

I was just like... Felt totally normal, just hadn't shit. I was like, what's going on? Do I have a blockage or something like that? Who do I tell about my doo-doo problem? My impacted colon. Snow, who do I tell about my doo-doo problem?

There's only one way to fix this problem. Get fucked in the ass. You ever see those videos where the elephant has like, I don't know, it's got an impacted colon or whatever, and the people have to reach all the way into the asshole. Oh, that's so funny.

And they end up, they're like, they grab this mass of like plant matter. And I mean, imagine it looks like a hundred pom-poms stuck together. And they're just dragging this big ball of it. And when it finally breaks loose, because they've been giving this elephant an elephant-sized enema, which of course involves a garden hose at full blast. So finally, it all breaks loose and washes over the person who's back there doing the deed.

And they're literally hit by a tsunami of elephant shit, shit water, and plant matter. It's a wonderful thing to see. Don't you uh me. You just talked about having a Mexican man cut you apart and stick a fucking heart in your mouth. Maybe mine was a little more gnarly.

That's some gangster ass shit. You have lost all privileges. That's fair. I lost my uh card. This probably doesn't help, but we did bleach and sanitize everything. It helps a lot. What number domino was it? I should have asked that.

By the way, I don't know if you guys saw in the chat, but Zach put a picture, and let me tell you a fair warning before you click it. Oh, I don't want to see any. You might not. I'm just giving you guys honest warning here, but that's an example of somebody that has gotten a bunch of them.

Like I was saying, some guys get multiple. I'll tell you what I have seen. Yeah, I was going to let Zach take the blame for that. Oh, Woody, you posted it. Oh, it does say Woody over there. No, this is horrible. What I would get, but I wouldn't go through the procedure of, like if you just beam them in there. I've seen people that have like the little balls.

Yeah, that's what this picture looks like. Okay, and they've got a lot of them. beads. That's what this picture looks like. Okay. And they've got a lot of them. Yeah, that's what this picture looks like. Okay. Like not too many, but you know, a ring of them or a pattern of them. This one's too many in this picture. Do you want just speed bumps under, like by the clit? Like that's what I'm thinking.

I'd be okay with that. Ostensibly, that's the ultimate goal is the clit. That's what's on the top. Now, for some reason, I was under the impression. What if we get a vibrating egg in there this is you're selling it yeah now for for like positioning reference here let's let's use my finger as a scale which isn't that far off anyway um you would have expected like i was expecting it to be you know back here or so but it's more like in the central part it's

more like kind of in the middle here so it it's about halfway down. And also after I figured out how to womp it, I forgot to mention this before the callus tissue had built up around that thing. When I would figure out my little ghetto way of left-handed weird, whomping it. Sometimes the Pearl would be upside down. Like as it is now, the heart faces away from me,

but I would look at it and be like towards me and angled crooked. And I'd be like, Oh shit. And then I have to grab it and wrestle that son of a bitch. Dude, the wrestling part really wasn't that bad like once the scars the cuts themselves healed up you can grab that son of a bitch and yank it all up under your skin it doesn't hurt now if you thump it it's bad like anything hitting it at all is horrible because it's like pinching that skin really really hard you know but uh what led to you deciding to do this my cellmate hyped me up on it he got this big goofy

ass four-leaf clover i mean this damn thing was like the whole bottom half of a domino he got this big goofy ass four-leaf clover and was hyping it up man the bitches are gonna love it and this and this and i'm over here like i've got like three and a half years before i'm thinking about some bitches dude like i'm not about to get my dick mangled in here did it look good on his dick and then like it looked cool man when he opened the flap up and he showed to me i was like that actually looks pretty fucking sick that it's body modification i didn't even have any tattoos yet i actually got body mod before i got any prison tattoos like skipped a couple of fucking steps i had no tattoos on my body at this time what prison tattoos do you have oh i've got a bunch of them i got rocco from rocco's modern life done with a

staple right there i got innocent on my rib cage and never forget down here with some more stuff i got some skate logos on my back came out really crappy because they were done with a staple right there. I got innocent on my rib cage and never forget down here with some more stuff. I got some skate logos on my back. It came out really crappy because they were done with a staple also. I've got all kinds of stuff on my leg. I did most of my leg ones. I did this five years. I'm about to knock over my whole desk. I knocked over my water bottle.

Five years, an alien, Blink-182. This was supposed to be Albert Einstein. My friend swore to God he could do a pick-and-poke portrait. He said, trust me, bro. All I need is a staple. I can do a portrait. This was supposed to be Albert Einstein. My friend swore to God he could do a pick-and-poke portrait. He said, trust me, bro. All I need is a staple. I can do a portrait. That was supposed to be out. Full screen. Full screen. Albert Einstein, ladies and gentlemen,

in all of his glory. Albert Einstein. Actually, I see it. Honestly, that's not bad. No, it's fucking bad. He debated me on that one i trusted it i'll be honest i wanted to make fun of it but they both told the truth already it's pretty fucking good dude it's like you can recognize it because it's einstein like one of the most iconic people on the face of the earth what's that it looks like he spent so much time doing the curve of

that nose into the one eye and yeah and then he hurried through the rest yeah like he spent so much time doing the curve of that nose into the one eye. And then he hurried through the rest. Yeah. Like he was so hyper-focused on, I'm going to get the shading right for the nose and the eye. I'm not going to, I'm just doing a vague outline ever in his defense. He wanted another two or three sessions on it. After that one session,

I was like, that one session. And I was like, I've already got to get this bitch covered up. Like we don't have to add on to it and make it harder to cover. Oh no, I don't know about that. I think we were I was like, I've already got to get this bitch covered up. We don't have to add on to it and make it harder to cover. Oh, no. I don't know about that. I think I'm going to have to cover it eventually.

Oh, we were kind of like, okay, okay, at all of them until the Einstein comes up. No, no, no. My favorite. Can I just say my favorite is the alien? I don't know if you got a good look at that. That thing is hilarious. I need to see it again. I was going to put alien exist.

You know what it looks like? It looks like from Rick and Morty, the floating heads that came to make them play rock music or whatever. I haven't seen it. I've only seen a few episodes of Rick and Morty so far. Look at that. Look, I was going to do a spaceship with lights and stuff on it, but I got tired of it.

You know what? You've got a Mexican whose hat fell off. I thought that was like a Heisenberg with his hat off. I thought that was like a Heisenberg with his hat off. He doesn't know that reference. He was in prison at the time. No, that started in 2008. Yeah, Breaking Bad.

He just missed the last couple seasons. They actually watched him in there. I just didn't because I missed the beginning of the show. They actually finished the series in there. I remember the big finale. Everybody in the prison watched it, I think, except for me. Did they watch Game of Thrones in there? Probably not HBO, right?

They didn't have HBO. No, but I read the books about seven times each and absolutely fell in love with them. It's the best book series I've ever read, and I refused to watch the show because they fucked it up bad. They did, but you're also never going to get another book, man. Probably not, because it looks like George R.R. Martin is going to fucking die.

Do you remember when we had that cute little discussion about how he had to finish the books because the TV show caught up to him? How stupid we were. So naive at that time. We thought that we were entering into some sort of an agreement with a rational, decent human being.

But he's just a lazy old scumbag who's just buttering his own bread until he dies i guess like like someone was showing this thing the other day of all the stuff he's written recently like like he i think he does like sports like like like a like a sports like opinion page or something that he writes every week or something they got a video game coming out soon too like like what's going on with the buffalo bills and how he feels about it or some shit i can't remember the specifics but it was something to stick his old ass in a room

someone should kidnap him we need to stick his ass in a room with a typewriter somewhere and be like no wait no no one should kidnap him okay i did not suggest what did we just say if he's down with it and it's not against his will should stick him in a room with a typewriter and make him finish the book. I bet he doesn't even know how to tie it up correctly. Probably not. Genuinely, I bet he built such a rich world, he doesn't know how to tie it up in a nice little way. I don't care anymore.

I'm hyped. There's a new fucking Harry Potter coming out. Really? Yeah. What are they going to do, Cursed Child? Daniel Radcliffe? Yeah. Is it going to be Cursed Child?

Yeah, I think so. Tell me about that. It's a sequel. Cursed Child was a book that was released not long ago as a play. It was released in play form. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is the story of Harry Potter's son and Draco Malfoy's son attempting to go back in time with the last time turner to save Cedric Diggory.

I'm not going to say anything else other than that because that is pretty much all i can do without spoiling it but it's sick and i think it would make an amazing movie it is an incredible story with a lot of plot twists and they're fucking with time which is always interesting i think that cedric diggory dying was kind of integral to a lot of the emotions in the final bits right well we'll see let's see what happens when they change it uh who's the kid that plays cedric diggory what was he just rob pattinson edward colin uh he was in the lighthouse that you were speaking about earlier yeah that's right that's right he was just invoked a little while ago i had forgotten that that was him yeah that's on the list of books that i read out of desperation

and boredom in prison was the first twilight book and i thought this actually wasn't nearly as bad as i expected it to be and then i read half of the second one i was like this is the worst shit that i've ever read in my entire fucking life. I'm surprised they have that in prison. No, they do. I considered it at one point. Instead, I read that other girly book. Fifty Shades of Grey.

I read that one. That was legitimately one of the worst books I've ever read in my life. The writing, the plot, the story, everything. It was called The Fifth Wave. It was about an alien invasion. The Fifth Wave is referring to the fifth method the aliens use to get rid of humanity. They start off with maybe seismic attacks.

Maybe there's a plague and then an EMP. The Fifth Wave is the subject matter that takes place in the book. Humanity is on its knees. The aliens have all but taken over. It follows a little girl who's like i don't know 16 or 17 she's got an ar-15 and a bad attitude it's fun but uh there's like three of them and uh has a cool ending i they made a movie uh but it would need to be a trilogy obviously and the first one didn't do well enough to garner them spending the money yeah that sucks and that happens

i didn't think twilight was all that bad until i got to the second one and i also read ready player one which was one of the best books i've ever read and then i started watching the movie and once again i take books way too seriously and i couldn't finish it because i was offended yeah but i say ready player one's a great movie i didn't feel it i didn't like i watched half the movie and i know it was legitimately one of my favorite books that i've ever read in my life one of the coolest most action-packed awesome pop culture reference 80s loving ass books i've ever read and they just couldn't i already knew it was going to be an issue to make a movie out of it because there were so many fucking copyrights in it like in the book it's i know they got a lot but in the book i mean there's like mario and spider-man and

fucking superman and like every imaginable pop culture from Ferris Bueller on down. And I knew that there was going to be no way they could make it into a movie. Plus, he's fat. Nobody likes fat actors in Hollywood. They're not going to have a fat lead role. Fat Damon. I love Fat Damon. But he was already established before he was fat back when he was meth-familied. Jonah Hill. One of my favorite actors of all time. I fucking

love Jonah Hill. Now, Jonah Hill is definitely an exception because he did not just stick with comedy like everybody expected him to and he actually branched out and really kicked ass. Him and Moneyball is awesome. Oh, he's come on. He's fatter than any of us and that's saying

something because I'm pretty overweight. He's lost a lot of weight recently though. He's sick of people calling him fat apparently. He's been very offended. I'm sick of people calling me fat but I'm not willing to pull the trigger on not eating a pound of salami. I did last night. It was delicious. Literally.

No, this is two nights ago. I had a big like pound pack of salami, like hard salami in my fridge, and I didn't have any cheese or crackers to eat it with. But I wanted to eat it late at night when I was high watching something. I was high watching something. And so I ate a whole pound of salami and my compliment to it was the rest of the cheese in that calendar

that my wife gave me. It was like a daily cheese calendar for December. I wolfed through fucking 12 days. This is like an alcoholic describing how they found an old bottle in an alley. It is the most hilarious story. He got an advent calendar for Christmas.

Yes. It has cheese a day. And like the first or second day, he ate half a month worth of cheese and told his wife to get another calendar. I did. I think I ate 16 or 17. How many calendars have you eaten now?

Okay. He's in the middle of 2063. I don't even think this is a fair line of questioning. I ate about 16, 17 days on my first cheese binge, and then two nights ago I ate the remaining 12 or 13 days with not even the kind of salami you're supposed to eat in a charcuterie board. I was just peeling off slices from a pile and eating it. It was good. I enjoyed myself.

That's sandwich meat. Enjoying yourself is the important part. It wasn't like out of a package. I got it from the butcher section, the good salami section. A little more thick cut. A little nice. You know what I mean? Put your pinky up while you...

Ooh, ritzy. ritzy pinkies up for heart failure at 51 i need to weigh in again i think i might i'm pretty good right now i know you're usually very uh adamant about your diet when you do get in like you go you know both legs all in when you yeah i have numbers for people curious i think my fattest ever this is about a year ago was like either 222 or 224 it's one of those and then i got all the way down to 193 which is 29 pounds maybe something like that a lot and then through like i wasn't able to work out and get into it as much as i wanted to because i had that trip around the country where i ate restaurant food for a month and i just you break your finger you fucking break your wrist and whatever it's hard to work out

um but now i'm back down to 196 so i'm three pounds off my low. Yeah, I said that right. Anyway, I think I might be 195 now. I have to weigh in. Nice. I ate an entire box of Cheez-Its. I want to be 250 pounds by July. Hey,

Kyle, I'll race you. I don't know if that's fair. No, it's not. I'm going to dominate that race. You can't compete. You couldn't stomach the amount of fatty meats that I can handle. I feel like that's like me and you racing to the St. Louis Arch. I don't know what I'd pick if you were to offer me more fat i'm sorry more muscle or less

fat like i think i might choose less more muscle every time for me more muscle every time fat's easy to get rid of fat's easier to get rid of the muscle is the fat wants to leave the muscle hates jumping on board the fat you're like hey fat would you like to leave like as long as you don't feed me i'm out of here i really if you took my shirt off would i look better with more muscle or less fat i think less fat it's more muscle no you look better with more muscle because you're already very slim like you've got visible abs like some more muscle bulked on there and slim is a good thing i wish i was slim dude the pants i fit in now are hilarious. I hold them up before I put them on.

I'm like, this is beyond pale. Get yourself under control. I don't have any pants that fit right now. So here's two parts of it. One, the pants that were for skinny me are fatter than the pants that like they're still too fat and then on top of that when i buy new pants i don't want to commit to this weight i might not always be this weight i don't want to buy pants this thin because then they'll be pants that don't fit so i buy pants for a fatter version of me even now. All my pants are blue.

I've said before, if someone broke into my closet and was looking to steal clothes, they would think four different men lived here. When I take my pants off at the end of the night, I don't unbutton them or anything. I just pull them off. I might be able to undo the belt to take my pants off. I talked to. I might be undo the belt. Just take my pants off. I talked to a boy, Derek, yesterday or the day before. Something like that. Congrats to him. I'll be on the Joe Rogan podcast.

You should talk about that. Very, very fucking cool. If you guys missed the episode, go check it out. Drop some love in the comments over there for Derek. Did you hear it all? Be honest. Did you listen to it? I haven't listened.

I listened to the whole thing because I had that long drive. So it was easy. It was pretty cool cool i would say about half of it they dove deep into his knowledge of pharmaceuticals some usada testing john jones stuff like that and then they kind of freestyled and talked about like girls and his uh c-pat machine and just i don't know the life of being a meathead, you know, something they had in common. Their take on women was pretty interesting. So they were talking about what guys appreciate in women. I'm like, okay, I'm listening. And I think that when Joe Rogan and Derek talk about what men like in women, they're talking about what successful men look for

in women. there one thing they said was like man this woman could be like finished grad school she could be a successful attorney and she could be hot as fuck and they're like yeah it's really about that second part that's that's what i'm looking for in a girl he's like the first part that's almost a negative you know i want to know how much is she there to support me how much is this she there to like build up my show and uh i was like that's interesting but i you know derrick and joe rogan are both doing really well business-wise and that maybe impacts what they look for in a girl. You know, they're looking for a hottie support system and not so much a fellow breadwinner. Anyway, dude, check out the podcast.

I was into it from beginning to end. Yeah. Derek's a very entertaining guy. I need to listen to that whole show. Yeah. And I'm sorry I cut you off, Kyle. He's partnered with Joe Rogan, whom I consider a professional communicator. And it was like, in my opinion, the best version of Derek that is there.

They went together like peas and carrots. Yeah. So I liked it. I liked it. Yeah. I like Derek a lot. Yeah. I listened to it maybe 15 or 20 minutes ago.

20 minutes of it and then saved it on my phone. But I told him congrats. He mentioned he was going to do another podcast with Bolzerian. I don't know what it was. But yeah, I think he's traveling around doing a couple little things right now. I didn't even know that guy was still around. Oh, yeah. Of course.

I thought he kind of retired to be rich and do whatever he wants. He was already retired to be rich and do whatever he wants he was already retired to be rich and do whatever he wants that's what's entertaining about his show okay that's fair we should get Derek back on yeah we gotta get him back on

I'd like to have him back on I think he's traveling right now because it was going to be a minute before he can get back to me on my new whole protocol and regimen but I'm looking forward to it like i'm ready to fucking go i think that it's hard to leave canada so maybe he did that and needs to get everything done at once that makes sense there's something about that on the rogan show well you guys want to uh you want to call it a show yeah i got potatoes josh where can

everybody find all of your stuff all right so on youtube i'm josh balalt i'm assuming that it will be on the screen with on the regular screen yep you type that on youtube right there uh new content coming soon i got a whole plethora of stuff planned for the early coming uh of next year which is you know now a month away uh stream five days a week on twitch.tv slash jay palalt once again it's pretty similar shit pretty similar spelling to this right here all the links are in descriptions of my youtube videos and i've got the instagram the tweet twat and all that good stuff uh the patreon as well uh feel free to check me out and support me anywhere i'm live all the time i mostly

play old school runescape but i like to think of it as a guy doing a just chatting stream while he plays runescape so come and hang out if you bug me enough then we'll open up the public minecraft server again we can all have a great big felon server there we go nice and i also appreciate you guys let me on it's been a long time coming i think my video about coming on here that i put on my channel was july of last year so it's nice to finally meet you guys man i know that we had some uh logistics going on especially with kyle and i both being felons recently released.

I'm glad that we made it happen, man. And it's awesome to get to shoot the shit with you guys. And Kyle, you're one of the first dudes that I ever followed on YouTube way the fuck back in the day when I was a teenager. So it's awesome to be able to shoot the shit with you, man. And like I said, I hope you find it very odd that we discussed you at the prison

that you later went to before you even got there. We were like, yeah, that FBS Russia guy, man. His videos were great. I had no idea you were American, by the way. Good job. I'm wildly conceited. That guy will never be here. I'm wildly conceited.

I expect I've been spoken of at many, many places. They talk about me at all the federal prisons everywhere. It's not a coincidence. Check all of Josh's shit out. Tremendous stuff. You can also find all our sponsors below. Check out Josh's stuff. You did a wonderful job, dude.

I enjoyed having you. You guys had great questions and I really like your shit. You guys got a good chemistry here, man. You can tell you've been doing it for a while. Dude, we're about to drop it. When I drop a good show like this one, I walk around like a peacock all week long. That was fun.

We walked around saying it with our chest tonight. Yeah. PKA 5-7.