Painkiller Already - PKA 574 W/ Big Wax: Kayne Apology, Barbershop Woody, Kyle‘s Bath Regimen

Episode Date: December 18, 2021

pka 574 with our guest wax taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lucy and express vpn and lock and load and our wonderful christmas hats and scarves the sweaters are sold out unfortunately but you can still check the link below for the wonderful hats and tightens of industry we are here merchandising pharmaceuticals we're like weyland We're like fucking Weyland-Yutani. If I could still have guns, we'd be in the military arming business. We're taking over here. So Wax, thank you so much for coming on.

It's been probably half a decade since you've been on here. Yeah, it's been a while. How have you guys been? Good. Wax, for the last 10 years? For the last five years, how have you been, if you had to average it?

Not great. Five years average sucks. Don't grade me like that. How's the music business? Music business is interesting. I do a lot of live music, and it kind of came to a close the last couple of years. I'm just now realizing that I don't have headphones on. Can you hear the fucking planes flying over me?

Not yet. Not yet, no. Okay. I live in like an apartment where it's very close to the airport. So if I want, that shows you how the music business is doing. No, but. uh if i want that shows you how the music business is doing no but uh that's hilarious i live in a halfway house yeah i usually i usually go on yeah no i usually go it actually looks like i'm in prison almost but um looks like i'm in prison i just escaped i got in front of the bars somehow but uh no the music

business is weird because during the pandemic most of you know I usually am a touring musician I make a good part of my um living living going town to town throughout America you know singing my songs being a troubadour or whatever and uh that that came to a close but um it's it's it's it's coming back sort of like every but I don't know it seems like every time you think it's coming back they close it down again dude i there's a silly question to ask what are your favorite three songs that you've made because i have yeah of you you pick your own songs which three are you i don't know you want to hear the most you most proud of what do you got well there's a there's only a few songs that i've made that

that i that i would like put in a playlist and listen to amongst other songs you know i mean one of that one of them is my song first love uh i would say probably my best song is i made a song called limousine it's probably one of my best songs uh and then i have a song called better when you're high that that is a little vibe to listen to it's like a bossa nova thing which i which i enjoy that type of music i enjoy like brazilian bossa nova music and um and you know my uh i gotta say my my like uh my most popular song is this song rosanna and that's that's probably one of my favorite ones too because it's just fun you know i like that one it was on my list rosanna's my third um this one's on me it's my second favorite song of yours

and continue is my fucking jam i continue as one i have one as one that i like of my own uh work yeah it's an interesting question for people that do um music too you know i mean you don't generally you know you spend all this time you know working on these songs and albums and then especially right after you're done you don't want to hear them for a long time because you've just you've listened to them a thousand times just while making it. And then like a couple of years later, you always go back and revisit it and kind of, now you can listen to it as just like person listening to it. You kind of separate yourself from the, from the music, you know,

you're actually listening to it more as a listener is the more time goes by. I was interested in what you'd say. Like Miley Cyrus, I think has said that she doesn't like her own music, right? Like the sort of pop fun stuff that she's known for is not her particular jam like you know she could somehow be something else she would and that makes that makes sense though because so you can you can know who you are as an artist and you just you're you can be really good at knowing who you are and, and what, and even, even like what, what category you're,

you've, you have fit into historically. So you almost like, Oh, that's it. You'll hear like beats and be like, Oh, that sounds like something I would do.

You know what I mean? Even if it's just like, it might not sound like something you want to listen to at the moment, but you can, you can, you kind of know your own sound. It happens to YouTubers too. You know,

like they start making this kind of video, they grow, evolve, age, whatever, wish they could make that kind of video. But the audience is like, no bitch,

go back and play your favorite song. You know, that that's what I want from you. I'm here for this thing that I discovered you doing. Don't change. Right. I never considered that, that artists listen to their own music.

Like I, I just never thought about it. So you're in your car, and your voice starts singing, and you're like, this is a banger. I'm telling you, it's very rare. It's very rare. I bet you Kanye does. I was just about to say that.

I bet you Kanye West, all of his playlists are just his songs. He even edits out the people who are contributing to his work. It's just his verses. Did you see Kanye's apology thing he made the other day? What did he do to apologize for? I didn't even know. He's been crazy for a while and in and out of treatment. His wife left him.

On and off drugs. And she's dating Pete Davidson now. So he has this like i don't know if it was audio or video i heard it on the radio so obviously all i got was audio but he the funny thing he's like i'm so sorry for all the things that i did and all the all the selfish decisions that i've made this last year this and that and i was like wait why is the radio station putting gospel music tracks in the background. Then the guy on the radio goes, I just want you guys to know, we did not add that track to the

background. Kanye is apologizing with gospel music behind him. It's almost like they are praising him for being a big enough man to apologize to his horrible wife. Okay, back to the track. Wait, his horrible wife? His horrible wife. Wait, say it again.

Oh, I misunderstood. Okay. No, it it was ridiculous it went on for a long time that is such a great way to apologize put like church music behind your apology it's good optics it would make you sound like a lot it made him sound like a crazy person how many youtubers have done the teary black and white apology video? Like that's the classic. To me, there's a parallel there. Or like all the YouTubers who would like start the video with a clip of like. And it's like, you're already a manipulative liar. Fuck you.

Like you didn't want to. You just had to keep that bit in. Look at how exasperated it is. That speaks to his sincerity. You just had to keep that bit in. Look at how exasperated it is. That speaks to his sincerity. If it wasn't a copyright strike magnet, I had this idea where we would take snippets of apology videos and then guess what they're apologizing for,

like what their actual offense was. I would love to play that game, but it's not YouTube friendly. That would be good. You know what you could do? I bet you could find the best apologies to read is when someone's about to be sentenced and they have that little prepared statement that they read to the judge for his consideration. He's like, I have shamed my family.

I have shamed my community. You're like, God damn, what did he do? I have brought down financial and legal repercussions on my children. They took his kids to jail what did he do like those would be fun have you seen that like that's a game show that would be a good game what did he do that's what did he do what did he do i'm so sorry and it's like join us next time on what did he do have you seen the viral video from quite a while ago of a guy doing like that court apology? But he like takes out a piece of paper and he starts like singing his apology to the judge in the middle of the court.

It is. It's like there is no way that that's from a long time ago. But there's no way that old judge was like, look at him singing. How sorry he like. No extra year for bet for off tune i don't remember what that judge did but but i thought he was okay and i thought the singing apology was heartfelt i i do remember all that really yeah it wasn't like i don't care what you do it wasn't it wasn't it's so uncomfortable it's very uncomfortable of course it's uncomfortable

first of all being in open court is uncomfortable. Everyone's terrified they're going to fart or burp or cough for too long. Everything is uncomfortable. It's the worst. So to openly sing? Yeah, that's balls. Either he didn't give a fuck or he thought it was the best option. Maybe that singing thing was an inspiration for the Kanye thing.

Maybe he saw that and was like, oh, if I put a little bit of music behind this it'll seem more sincere kanye it isn't it's really less sincere kanye is was put here to inspire you've got it you got it backwards that's why that man's here actually his new album was was uh nominated for album of the year right like i want to say that they had like i always thought like at the oscars it seems like they have like a limited number of nominations for each category, like maybe four, but it seems like when they do album of the year at the Grammys, it's like as many as they want almost.

I think they had like seven or eight already picked. And then at the last minute they added Taylor Swift and Kanye. So they're both nominated this year. Wow. I feel like for all the, for the Oscars and the Grammys, since I was a kid, they've had, like it used to be like there's five nominations for each category maybe yeah and now they'll be like 10 or 11 yeah i always thought four or five because you know they'd have the little window

where you could like kind of like what we're doing here we could see all four of them like like you which is bullshit i always thought that was kind of mean it's like don't show me mel gibson's face when he doesn't win best director. Like, fucking show the guy on stage and then cut to the guy who won. And then if everybody's clapping, maybe cut to them. Hard to disagree. I'm here for the entertainment. I love to watch the losers.

It's one of my issues with UFC. The coolest thing about UFC in person, there's a lot of downsides to watching the fights when you're there. But you get to see the losers. You know, that guy who can hardly walk out on his own two feet he's got his arms over both of his buddies you know being helped back to the locker room they don't show that on tv nope the losing becomes fucking real and you almost forget half the people that come that night lose and i mean and and and more often than not the winner goes to the hospital too and those really long fights like if you go five rounds everybody's going to the hospital tonight everybody's probably going like there's it's hard to go five rounds and not need to go to the hospital even if you won i would be so scared

before a fight at that level like i'm so scared i even if this goes well it doesn't go that well how can you not be scared coming into this i can't i can't operate like well when i'm that terrified like like as far as something like like martial arts oh my it's incredibly complex like you're not just doing a dance out there you're you're dancing with another person and you don't know what what the music's going to be tonight and and fuck to do that that terrified now when you're calm in a gym and like there's no stakes and maybe there's not even anybody watching who could to be embarrassed in front of like you could do anything you feel like but oh my god 50 i don't know it's like 18 000 people in attendance roughly and then i

don't know like half a million watching live at their homes but tomorrow if you do something embarrassing this could live forever this could live forever if you just lose like nobody will look back at this but there's a chance that you're that guy you're the ben askren who who will live in infamy in in the top 10 clips for the next decade. One of those guys that poops. You could be one of those guys that like they get knocked out and then they fall on their own leg and break it. Oh yeah.

Or the fencing response, man. I don't know why people love to. So the fencing response, if you get knocked out unconscious, you tend to put one arm forward in the air. It's called the fencing response. And response and uh to see it on the ground it almost looks like he's trying to punch from his back it's it's a rough look i so of course we all know joe goes on after every fight i would text

back and forth with his wife because i stayed there for a while i got to know his family there's like two ways to measure the fight like Like, did he win? And how is he, how bad is he hurt? And I'm not sure like how we'd even stack rank it. Like if he were to get gently choked out early in the first round, all right, he lost. That sucks.

Yeah. But he's fine when you win. And then he goes to the hospital with, you know, cuts on his face. That will always be there. which one do you pick? Yeah, yeah. It's a tough road to hoe.

That's not a job that I envy at all. Unless you're like, I don't know, who are the guys who have had the best careers, who didn't get hurt, who didn't get fucked up? I mean, obviously, GSP somehow made it through that thing. Looking like a movie star, because he is one kind of he's a handsome man handsome man um and he's a great pick chael sunning comes to mind chael's got a he's got you know you look at chael you can see some i watched it i just watched it i watch him at least once a day i find it very interesting i like that he picked penaña as well, too. Part of the reason I picked Chael is intellectually,

he seems to be fully intact. All the way, 100%. But I'm talking about everything. Who doesn't have those ears? Who doesn't have one of those scars right around the brow? They've all got the ears. Yeah, it seems like they all do because it seems like most of them got the ears in training long before the UFC or training during the UFC.

Yeah. I knew people on my high school wrestling team who had fucked up ears. Fuck that, man. We're 17 and you're going to be gross for life. Yeah, fuck that. You can get it fixed. There is a plastic surgery for it, yeah. Yeah, you can get it fixed.

Plastic surgery, though. I mean, you're probably talking about five grand to get both your ears fixed or something like that in the neighborhood of it. Like, it's not cheap. Well worth it once you're like a real adult, though, because it's like, like, does that ever happen? Like, Woody, in your professional life when you're still doing that, because every so often, like, I'll be in a meeting or something professionally and there's a guy who's like presenting something seriously and his ears are all fucked. And part of it's like that's unprofessional. and his ears are all fucked. And part of it's like, that's unprofessional.

And the other part's like, I'm going to have to buy what he's selling. Because his resume is right there, stuck out like Dumbo. I guess the Indian guys you worked with, probably not too many wrestlers. Not too many. They don't have sports in high school. What? That explains a lot. What a huge oversight. Do we have sports in high school anymore like oh we have sports i'm sorry i'm but i meant to say gym they have neither as far as i

know gym is required a semester of gym is required to graduate high school uh so we had gym like math it was five days a week and every and every day i'm a genius genius. And it was the same length as any other. And it was the same length as any other. It's incalculable, Kyle. I could add up. But yeah, so it was a class just like math, you know, 45 minutes every day. But most people wouldn't take it seriously.

I don't think so. I think gym is like once a week or maybe not every quarter. It depends where you are in school. I want to say elementary school. Gym is a thing because there's a gym teacher, right, who's there teaching those kids. Like every day I think that they go to gym. They do like eight things every day.

Yeah, that's what we did. Those kids that young can't focus on anything long enough to need quarterly classes or something like that. But in high school, you get one semester semester and then there's like elective weight lifting and any number of athletic stuff that you can like choose to do i did lots of uh weight lifting high school it was i didn't really take it seriously but it was nice to be there what you're talking about is that what you did or what's current because i can't i know it's been a long time since I've been to high school, but if you know,

you went to high school all that recently. Yeah. It wasn't that recently. No, my mom teaches school. So I know a little bit about what they do, but like, um,

she teaches like kid, uh, little kids. Um, but I think in high school I would be shocked at, you know, the Michelle Obama thing happened in the middle of like my interim since high school.

So like, I'd be surprised if they went backwards, they were like, Oh yeah, less of physical activity. So if anything, oh yeah, less physical activity. So if anything, there's more. Definitely a semester is required. In Georgia, at the very least. I thought it was federal, though.

But it's bullshit. You don't have to do anything. As long as you change clothes and show up, you don't fail. It is interesting. How the grading works in gym. In math, there isn't an assumption that everyone here can get an a provided they just attend class every day if they remember to bring a pencil

you're not like guaranteed an a but in gym my gym was there were a couple tests and then the rest of it was did you bring your gym clothes because you guys had to change too isaiah yeah oh yeah yeah and you lost a pretty substantial amount of points for forgetting your clothes. Significant. Then there were some tests, but they were so easy. The tests like the rules of volleyball? Yeah. Name me bases in baseball.

First. I remember. We did health and fitness. did we did health and fitness so so gym was called health and fitness so very occasionally we had to go into a fucking classroom and learn about like heat stroke or dehydration or fucking like muscle protein synthesis or something like that and then we'd go back to like playing volleyball or whatever the fuck and then you had to do the mile um and then there was like there was one other test that was more like running back and forth like being like they're like measuring our like athleticism but like running back and forth and picking pucks up

i remember that was a time test shuttle run the shuttle run yeah there you go yeah i remember hating the shuttle run yeah it was terrible pull-ups was where i shined in grade school i bet pull-ups that was my jam too were you light uh no i was just like pretty pretty strong for a little kid i was the opposite i was um probably not nearly as strong but much lighter yeah i i would i would always like look forward to pull-up day because it was like one of the last days i'm talking like fourth grade and i would just get blown out of the water and shuttle run because you know i guess not built for speed not built for speed but then like push-ups and pull-ups and be like all right this is where i'm gonna get from white to red no guarantees on blue but i'm not getting white like white is what they

gave all the girls or all and all the guys that were like too cool for school did you guys have those guys in your gym class were like they it was it was like the earliest example in my life of people being like who even cares trying is is lame trying is for losers oh look i got a white one ha ha ha and it's like joe you only didn't try because you're four foot flat and fat like stop acting like you're making a moral stand against running the mile he was the kid he he took our entire 50 minute period in high school to run the mile 50 minutes yeah it was a huge trail around the school and there was like a bench i take it back i like this guy and then like like people were passing and was just like, just sat on the bench for a while. If I was a teacher, though, that would get under my skin, maybe.

It did. Yeah, he made him rerun it, and he got it down to a cool 17 minutes. That's a crawling pace. Oh, it's brutal. So the kids who were good at pull-ups, they were the ones who looked look like grownups at 14, 12 years old, jacked lats, belts. And then there was like skinny fucking me in that same class. You could look at me and make some pretty educated guesses about most of my lifts, curls, whatever. But when it comes to pull-ups and shit like climbing a rope, you might underestimate me because I'm good at that.

We only had to do that like presidential fitness thing in grade school we didn't have to do that in middle school or high school at all we had that too and that's what that's where i remember pull-ups from i remember not only do i remember that i couldn't do a pull-up in elementary school i remember most people couldn't and i remember the people the best pull-up people that i remember were the girls that did gymnastics. Really? Real top-heavy, walked like a penguin kind of vibe. All the girls I remember did the hang.

Remember? You were allowed to do the hang if you didn't think you could do it. And he would tell you, like, you can hang too, but you got to get to X amount of seconds and you cannot get a blue. You can only max out at red. And I remember in my head knowing it wasn't like super serious the presidential fitness challenge but also because it had like the word presidential and and i was like i was like is clinton gonna see this like is he gonna know my scores like maybe i maybe i've got a future on the secret surface way back back. Where was your elementary school?

St. Louis. St. Louis. Mine was in Maryland. And I remember having that same thought about the word presidential. I was in elementary school probably pre-Clean, obviously, honestly. But we had the thing where they tested your body fat by putting a little pincher, like a little crab claw right here. And they tell the percentage. Then they do push-ups, pull-ups, and they did sit-ups.

They'd have somebody hold your feet, and you'd see how many sit-ups you could do in a minute. And then you had to run a mile. And then you had some presidential thing. I didn't know how old the presidential fitness test was. It started with Lyndon B. Johnson. So back in my day, Arnold Schwarzenzenegger pimped it and promoted it and made you care about it

so I thought it was his idea I don't know they should have called it the Terminators fitness test that's way cooler he can't be the president because remember he was trying to change the rule at one point that you have to be the rule is you have to be born in America

born in the United States to be the president and he was once trying to change the rule at one point that you have to be the rule is you have to be born in America, born in the United States to be the president. And he was once trying to change that Schwarzenegger was. But maybe he invented the presidential thing because that's the only presidential thing. He might have won. Like he's a Republican. So clearly he gets that base. But he was pretty progressive as far as Republicans go to capture all the people in the middle. Yeah.

Also jacked. Yeah. Strong. A literally stronger leadered. Yeah. Strong. A literally stronger leader than anyone else on Earth. Joe Biden. He wears Elias clothes and hangs out with the best looking people. Joe Biden wouldn't threaten to beat up Arnold. That wouldn't happen.

No one would threaten to beat up Arnold. No world leader would dare. I sent you guys that photo today. I was at the gas station and somebody had stuck a sticker on the gas pump. And it was Joe Biden pointing at the dollar amount on the gas pump. And it said, I did this. And I thought that was just great. But I was surprised how low my gas is.

That sticker. They're like, yeah, it's their jam. Whenever they spot one in real life, they take a picture post it to facebook because here's my picture boobers yeah because that's how it works biden wakes up in the morning he's like oh should go uh 320 a gallon like mr president that's too high don't tell me what to do whore i'll make it 330 asshole try me uh the world of economics yeah i haven't seen one of those in real life I'll make it 330, asshole. Try me. The world of economics. Yeah, I haven't seen one of those in real life.

I've seen one. It was all scratched up and damaged, like a Democrat didn't like its existence. Oh. Got a little penny out and started scratching. Don't worry, Joe, I got it. The only thing lamer than sticking political stickers on a pump at the gas station is giving enough of a fuck to scratch it off. That's the only thing lamer than sticking political stickers on a pump at the gas station is giving enough of a fuck to scratch it off.

That's the only thing more lame. Oh, now I'm going to be here for a bit because this is sticky. Give me that Goofy gun, baby. That's nonsense. That's nonsense. It's crazy how much people care. I saw a guy with stickers all over his truck today. We've talked about the stickers on the truck guy. That a different that's another guy by the way there's two thick

guy there's zippo guy and there's stickers on the back your fucking truck guy that i don't give a shit about like look if you ran a bunch of those miles that have like the numbers with the decimals that's cool if you did some sort of a motorsports thing that's cool too but i don't care who you stand with and and who you back this truck had enough propaganda on it today i want two stickers kyle one that says baby on board and the other it says that sticker is four years old you can hit me now because that's fucking fine okay have you ever seen the one on the back of the motorcycle jacket that says, if you can read this, the bitch fell off? No. I have seen that one. That's not a nice joke.

I don't care for it. That's a pretty funny one. I guess the thing with bumper stickers, if it's someone who has their sports team on there, I don't like the way it looks, but whatever. I don't want you to try and change my mind while I'm driving. Don't tell me the reasons you're vegan and why I should be. I don't want you to try and change my mind while I'm driving. Don't tell me

the reasons you're vegan and why I should be. I don't like that. I'm going to pull over, not even hungry, buy some deli meats. Do you like the Jesus fish? Usually that one's pretty small, and so it's not all over the place.

I like more. I like people who have the coexist fish and and the fish is like everything and and and just pisses off every notable group all at once you know when i noticed that they don't have the islam symbol in there they've got like a star david they got they got everything no they do they have the crescent moon oh somebody peeled one off the car i saw today it just says oh exists we're all of them but the muslims Somebody peeled the one off the car I saw today. It just says O-Exist. We're all of them but the Muslims.

We can O-Exist. But the people who have all the political stuff, I'll never understand. And those Trump flags. I thought the Trump flags were for memes, guys. Were you all serious? I just thought they were funny i like the uh it kind of reminds me it makes me think of the baby on board four years ago thing i like when somebody has a sticker it's like clinton gore it's like yeah shit off yet i wasn't

scared about politics i haven't a long time i don't care about anything anymore much less my cars yeah i i agree with you there like every once in a while time. I don't care about anything anymore, much less my cars. Yeah, I agree with you there. Like every once in a while, it is cool to be like a 1992 political sticker. OK, well, you got to hold on to that. That also shows that you're not a wastrel of automobiles. You're using that. He's like, I bought this car in 1997. You know, it does make you think, though, is there anybody out there who's ever like

saw a bumper sticker and changed who they're voting for? I don't think so. No. It only causes road rage. Right. Yeah, I guess it's to signify your tribe. This is brand recognition. This is getting everybody pumped up.

There's got to be a lot that goes into why those are made, because I guarantee it. Just getting everybody fired up, getting everybody to the events. Trump was so good at that. I hope he does run again. I want to see that shit show one more time. Let's go. You made a lot of good points on PKN Woody

about how a lot of his skeletons are out of the closet now. Taylor talked about how his social media has been taken from him. I still think it'll just be an epic shit show. I hope he's coming to a place near me. I'll put on three masks and fucking go again because those rallies are awesome. Yeah. Is Trump coming to a place near me. I'll put on three masks and fucking go again because those rallies are awesome. Yeah. Is Trump coming to a town

near me? I certainly hope so because when he comes to town, it is entertaining. He would have to. Georgia has become a battleground state. I would expect him to spend a bunch of time there. Yeah. He lost Georgia. Yeah. I hope that he runs again. I definitely want to see the show

and I don't know. I definitely want to see the show. And I don't know. I don't think so. You know what? I want Hillary out. I don't want any fucking Clintons in this next election cycle. I'm okay if you give me one Bush. That's all I can stand. I'll let Jeb jump back in because he's funny.

The funniest possible outcome would be Trump running again and the Democrats running Hillary and the exact same thing happening in 2016. What if they ran Chelsea old enough? Nah, she's not 35. What's she doing? No, she might be 35. She might be 35, dude.

Yeah. She has a better chance than Hillary. Oh, definitely. I don't know anything about it. That said, I don't know anything about that said i don't know anything what a scary face contest she's 41 so there you go yeah do it man they were always mean to her for being so ugly and i always said you're right she should leave that ugly bitch alone she's ugly but there's no reason to be mean about it that would be a great take to have on like fox news like picking on that dog face little girl that would be the fox news take i've had enough of you picking on this little retarded girl all

right she was i know she was in a car accident they go she wasn't that's just how she oh shit all right take it back jesus. Is Barron Trump 18 yet? No. He's 6'7". Good God. I hope he's balling. Don't we hope that he's playing ball and that we get to see him play like collegiate ball and there's a Trump chant?

I want all these things. I want all these things. Is he a baseball player? He must still be growing. I think Kyle's talking about basketball. Yeah. He's going to be like 6' think Kyle's talking about basketball. Yeah. He's going to be like 6'9". I mean, he's 15. He's got years.

Are we sure that's Trump's kid? Where'd that come from? Dude, look at Trump and his wife. Trump's a tall guy and his wife is like 6'0". Yeah, his wife is super tall. He has the Trump genes in his face. Does he? I've said this before.

He's got a Trump face, and Barron is the perfect name for him. Barron. Yeah. When I looked up, so there was this little web calculator that said, you entered mom and dad's height, and it would tell you how tall your kid would be. So I'm six foot, my wife's five seven. I put it in there, and the kid's six one. Like, I'm the weak link?

I'm the weak link. Yep. Oh, yeah. My dad was the weak link. I'm the weak link. Yep. Oh yeah. My, my dad was the weak link. My dad's like five 10, but my mom was like almost five nine. And so like she, she evened it out.

My mom is a, my mom's five foot four and my dad is about six one. I don't know. Colin is six one or six two. Like he's clearly taller than me now. Yeah. For a while it was like, who's taller? I can't tell. It seems like

his shoulders are higher, but his head is higher. It's clear now. You think he's done or is he still growing? He's 18, but he's a late bloomer like I was. He should be nearly done. Maybe another year or two in him. Maybe another inch.

What if he's got another foot in him? How terrifying would that be? That would be a problem. That would be a problem. We've got to redesign the home. I've got to get that fucking gym again. He's got to get my ass. This is why Woody's been

pumping iron. He's afraid of Colin. He's in there lifting and Colin's just like, no dad, that's not the last episode of Walking Dead we're going to watch tonight. Seizes the remote from you. They're both holding the remote and they're both

trying with such effort. Their hands are both shaking and Colin's just like, Bops me on the head. Changes the channel. Like when the elderly lion walks disheveled into the distance and the young male, I guess I need a new functional trainer.

I don't know. I got to get up. Maybe Kyle's got some steroids or something. I didn't even know those things could tip. Like tears it out. I like my functional trainer. It is a nice functional trainer. I like it a lot.

Is a, we talked about the flags on the cars, Kyle. Yeah, man. That is We talked about the flags on the cars, Kyle. Yeah, man. Is that safe? Because I've seen people, I don't know what the law is on how big of a flag you can have, but I've seen some American cars that could, if it fell off, could cover a whole smart car. If that was what was driving by. So you're talking about the big ones that they stick up on?

The ones that are on the back of trucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing with an actual flag on a pole. Yeah, yeah, not the window ones, the little ones. Down here, it's more often than not old Dixie flying, flying high and proud when you see one stuck in the back of a pickup truck. But every now and then, somebody's got the dual setup, which is what I appreciate.

They went through the effort. They've got the American flag on one side and the Rebel flag on the other. I've never seen one fly off, though. There's usually a good old boy in the back of that truck who's on flag duty anyways he'll take care of it can't let that that confederate flag touch the ground the trump flag is like the third flag in that there's like a trifecta now with the american flag confederate flag and the trump flag if you have two it's two out of those three you know some people lose the american flag i saw i was watching uh channel five news the other day i hope you guys are familiar with it it's it's what all gas no brakes is now now that he's on his own

and doing his own thing really funny stuff and he was somebody he was interviewing somebody that had one of those giant flags and they were like yeah this is a three banger and and the camera pans up and you realize how truly long the flagpole that he's been holding this whole time and shot is because you thought he had like a six foot flagpole it's at least 15 or 20 and he's got three flags one on top of the other that he the camera pans up and he's just like this is a three banger and he's got like the american flag and then like maybe like like, maybe like, don't tread on me. Don't tread on me. And the Trump flag.

And he's just, it's great. Channel five is pretty fucking funny. That guy's seen that. Yeah. Well, you've seen all gas, no brakes, right? Yeah. He's funny. Yeah.

Yeah. It's his own thing. And he's, he's traveling mostly to political stuff, but then he goes to like anything that, that is sure to like, yeah, I saw like a I saw a spring break video he did that was very funny. He just goes to anywhere where a bunch of people are going to be. Yeah, yeah. You put a mic in front of people's faces and they say some crazy... The drunk guy was like,

what's the coolest thing you've done lately? He's like, well, she let me eat her ass like eight times this week. She's like, what the fuck, dude? Clearly not boyfriend, girlfriend. They just happened to be on the same week and she's like what the fuck dude like clearly not boyfriend girlfriend they just happen to be on the same trip he's like yeah you can eat my ass and now everyone knows you just put it on a youtube video with a million views no i like his channel a lot that's what i've been watching most of lately is uh is channel 5 news and um and a bunch of

poker shit oh i've been playing. I got to say it again. My, uh, my username on America's card room is moke. M O G H. If you want to use my referral code, you got to put in like a prefix.

Kyle, tell me, how do I really use this thing? Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm getting that prefix for you. R A H.

I think it's R A H, but I said it wrong on PKN. It's either R A F or R A H. And I want to get it right. Because if you send, if you use my code, I get $50 and you get $25 and then we can gamble together. That would be fun.

You guys will figure it out. It's either RAF or RAH. Tribal. And what was that? M-O-G-H? Yeah, it's like R-A-H-M-O-G-H. Moog is my username. Well, the thing I know about computers,

if you get it close, it'll probably just be fine. No, it needs to be exactly R--MOG or RAH-MOG. It's one or the other. You guys will figure it out. You heard him, folks. Just get close. Whichever one works.

No, I've been having a good time playing poker just on the internet with strangers and stuff. It's been fun. Cool, cool. Are you still up? Yeah, I'm actually making a lot more now that I'm playing. Not with my friends. Because it turns out my friends are pretty fucking good at poker. And better than average, I guess, is the correct way to say it.

So when I play against the average player, I do a bit better. Wax, how did the pandemic cut down on business business it's got to be rough man like you can't do the live shows so like did you i know we talked to a lot of comedians and they tried to do all sorts of stuff during the pandemic they did like live streamed shows you know like stand-up comedy but like like we're doing here which is kind of weird did you try to do anything like that yeah i used to do stand-up comedy too and oh really i kind of i guess the pandemic kind of had me stop that and i probably won't start back up i don't i don't like love it love it you know i love i like love performing music like i can't get enough of it still for some reason but uh yeah i didn't do i did a couple

things where like i just did like instagram live i'd play some songs on instagram live there was a while there i was doing cameo and i'd like people would like give me a little money i'd write songs personalized for him and shit like that you know i was i was i sell t-shirts and sweatshirts and cds and what really does well nowadays is selling vinyl records like that's kind of it's crazy how many people buy vinyl records nowadays. I do. I'm one of them. I just bought like 10 records yesterday at a store.

Girls think they're interesting. Really? I like it. If I can get them over there next to the fireplace and the vinyl records, I've got one of those little mini bats hidden strategically. It's all over now. Yeah.

They're done. Wait. So, so you're like picking up the needle and putting it on the vinyl record. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Do you ever do that thing that like,

I remember cause I went to a religious school. I remember at one point like just hearing, overhearing another parent being like, and when you play fucking the backstreet boys backwards it says worship satan or whatever no you ever tried those you can't play a vinyl record backwards like on a turntable can you oh unless you just spin it you just yeah we're like where they used to do that with like pink floyd and they'd be like see he's saying satan is coming for you and it's like he's absolutely not like yeah that's how hard that would be to do that with Pink Floyd and they'd be like, see, he's saying Satan is coming for you. And it's like, he's absolutely not.

Do you know how hard that would be to do to make a sentence that's real lyrics just for the purpose of it being a satanic message backwards that's almost not even audible when they play that shit? And meanwhile, there's heavy metal bands that in forward play are like, we love Satan! Where are they hiding it if you have to? The fear of satanic shit in culture

is mind-boggling to me. There's huge segments of people out there that think the entire music industry is satanic cults, the entire entertainment business, the entire politics. Everything is satanic. Some of those things you just mentioned are clearly

part of i go so far as to say all of them i mean look look um i mean it's just that's an easy person so you know what um there's sometimes something is so stupid i can like tell it's stupid from the outside so i don't look into it and q anon was one of those things like right from the beginning i was just like i't care. I'm not looking further than just knowing that name. Oh, no. Watching that Channel 5 shit, they started talking about QAnon and what those people actually

believe. Then they had Michael Flynn, the guy that used to work for Trump. He had this speaking thing in Texas. They're interviewing Michael Flynn somehow and they're like, what do you think about QAnon? He's like, oh, I don't know what any of that is. People talk about that Q thing and I'll be honest,

I don't know what it is. I'm here for good old-fashioned conservative values and blah, blah, blah. Then they show him a video of him in a backyard saying the QAnon chant slogan thing, whatever the fuck it is. They have chants?

Some of them with all in one. They got a slogan or something, like a motto like chant slogan thing like whatever the fuck it is like like they have one we go all one go some of them with all in one they got like a slogan or something like a motto or a coat of fucking arms or whatever you want to call it and like he's reading it and then like he's on stage and like the lady next to him has like a jacket with a big q on it like she literally has a big q on the back of her jacket it's uh it's it's well they don't want to piss them off because they're on the team you know what i mean yeah they don't want to lose any that's a weird segment of the team but they're on the dogs that see that see this is the problem with this binary like uh option that we have is that both sides end up having to pander to

the extreme so you have to the right isn't actually that crazy, I don't think, but they have to pander to the crazy, crazy fucking QAnon people. And the left probably isn't that wackadoo and ridiculous either, but they got to pander to the blue-haired lady that screams in the street. If there was a third option that we could shift, no, we need a third

and fourth option for the QAnon people and for the blue-haired people. We need like, you know how some of those European haired people. They, we need like, like, you know, as one of those European countries like Germany, it'll be like, there are 11 biggest parties. And like,

sometimes like a whole party gets wiped out. Like that would be kind of nice. Well, the problem is that it's, it's, it's all based on entertainment. So of course the people with the wacky shit are going to be the people that we pay attention to the,

to the most, the lady, what's her name? Lauren Bobert and Marjorie green. You know what I mean? We're going to pay attention to them more than whatever Senator just is a little bit conservative. You know what I mean? Like he's not saying anything that's newsworthy,

uh, where she's doing something crazy. It's like we pay attention to them for the same reason we pay attention to Kanye or Kim Kardashian or whatever, you know, it's Trump kind of ushered even more of that in this mixture of reality tv being politics it's been like that before him you know what i mean but still it's like we we pay attention more to the far ends of it now instead of the boring center you know that's true doesn't work yeah that's where the most fighting and combative you know

arguments are and so that's what they kind of tend to platform yeah no one wants to be like to watch like a panel where it's like i think your perspective corporate tax is 0.7 percent too high he's like well i think your perspective corporate tax is 0.7 percent too low my friend it's like it's like it's like the Tim Duncan of politics. You know what I mean? That's the right person, right? The boring guy. Tim Duncan was a boring basketball player

that nobody liked because he didn't have any flair, but he always scored a lot of points just being in the middle and playing fundamental basketball. You know what I mean? Yeah. The edges are where the entertainment is, right?

The entertainment is how the the news companies are businesses that's what's up yep so it's not gonna stop it's just i don't have a solution for it we're clearly going down this route i mean in the next 10 years the rock will be a serious candidate for president right right he seems like a better choice than some of the ones we have now i'm just going to vote from now on I'm not voting in solidarity with Kyle I was reading a private message Did you just say The Rock is a better choice

For president than some of the candidates Yeah, I like his character actually Did The Rock go to college? He played football at UMyan Who cares? He's tall and he's jack Yeah, Kyle, Jesus I figured of all people you would understand you vote for the tall jack guy yeah he's been in movies i don't know how

tall derrick is yes oh it's so hard by video you want him to be five seven i don't know oh i did six i'm using psychology i'm not even using like what i've seen in videos because you're like, do you know how tall he is? Okay, well, he's either 5'5 or 6'5. Yeah. We had a president that had a name like that, almost essentially a rapper name, The Rock. We had a politician like that that had a nickname

that he got, like Ice Cube ran. You know what I mean? Didn't they call Roosevelt the Bull Moose? Okay. That's a good one one who was the guy they called old hickory oh who is old hickory I'll look it up I don't fucking know weird name for Clinton too they had a weird name for uh

please no Andrew Jackson was old hickory and uh what did they call him slick something or what did they call him slick willick something? Slick Willie. Slick Willie. I never realized how phallic that was. Also a good rap name.

Slick Willie. I like Slick Willie. Old Hickory sounds like... Was it meant to mean he was tough and he would beat you with a hickory switch? Maybe he was tough like a hickory stump. Could be. Hard to move him. Back then it was okay to beat your tough like a hickory stump could be old moving

well back then it was okay to beat your kids with a hickory switch you know you can still do that yeah they won't stop you as long as they're you know you learn this the hard way they have to be your kids you can't go start enforcing judge dread style

justice on public playgrounds share the teeter totter you bitch go start enforcing judge dread style justice on public playgrounds arrested taylor did you have did you have any corporal punishment and you said you went to religious school did you have a corporal corporal punishment there yeah our grade school um i i never got spanked by the big paddle thing but they did have that if you got if you misbehaved they would send you to the principal's office and he would give you a couple swats with the old paddle for real yeah yeah i got damn this was i couldn't tell if you're being sarcastic or not no no this was like 1995 i got paddled in public school yeah i didn't think that you could do that in public school i thought private school was like a little

loophole for hitting kids he had the he had the the paddle and and there i was and so he paddled me he did it all right he had like whole they had holes drilled in it for like wind resistance dude my principal in grade school i i shit you not, I remember going in there. I wasn't in trouble for his office. It was like, Taylor, come to the front. Your mom's picking you up early. And I get up there. Hey, just sit in my office while you wait. And I remember seeing all these things that looked like foam egg cartons all over the walls in there.

And being like, this is weird. What's the point of this? And then it wasn't until like years later, I'm like, oh, this is like soundproofing for when he brings a kid in there to smack. Yeah, yeah. It was like shit. And he seemed like a nice guy,

but I was always a well-behaved young kid for the most part, so I didn't have to see that side of him. Rest assured, they are absolute, or he is absolutely dead now. I don't remember what I did to get, they were called swats. It wasn't called a paddling or a spanking it was called swats and you got like usually like three to five of them something like that i got three and i don't remember what it was for i

really don't but it hurt like he hit you hard i remember like i was i think i was in set either sixth or eighth grade it had to be one or the other because I didn't go to 7th. That's wild, man. In public school? Yeah. You'd get dropped out of jail straight up. Yeah. Teachers would not hit you in any of my schools. It's a million miles from here. It was a principal.

I had to go to the neighborhood daycare center when I was in elementary school because my parents worked. Did they beat your 3-year-old ass? I had to go to the neighborhood daycare center when I was in elementary school. Because my parents worked and I had a couple hours at school. Did they beat your three-year-old ass? No, but what she would do, what she would do if you got in trouble, she would make you hold out your hands and she would flick your knuckles. How old were you?

Like elementary school. And also, if you cussed, if you said bad words, she would make you put hot peppers in your mouth not even soap hot peppers that's so much more oh we also had corporal punishment in elementary school um i think i got spanked there too i'm almost positive i did i was at least threatened with it because my mom taught there so i think she may have this is coming back to me now i'm pretty sure she had me like threatened with the paddle one time, which was terrifying.

I mean, you said eighth grade, 14. Yeah. He definitely whipped my ass when I was either in sixth or eighth grade. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's yeah. Of course my mom whipped my ass when I was like, Woody always talks about the thing where he was like, told his mom, mom,

this is the last time you're going to whip me. And then she's like, fuck you. You little pre-pubescent punk. Yeah, I was premature. And beat him down like fucking Ali. There's something about your mom's been whipping your ass for so long that even when you've gotten to that point where she no longer can, you still have that whipped dog mindset. You're like, oh, yeah. I know.

My mom watches the show. Mom, i want you to know i can take you now oh yeah same same 70 she's got no chance i got you for three minutes he just he just he just has a gun but uh but back then you know there was there was a time when like i was clearly able to beat up my mother or at the very least escape her advances but i didn't know it yet so when she attacked me i was just like oh no and she took me down somehow and beat the shit out of me when i was like i had to be be 14 or so. Oh, I had to ruin your confidence. No, not at all. Because like after I was like, man, I just kind of folded there, huh?

I really, I think I could have really put up more of a fight. You know what? 15th birthday is coming up. We'll wait. We'll retry. Like, like she was just all over me and our feet got tangled up. And the next thing I knew I was down and she was on top of me and there was just blows raining down. She was big in the ground and pound i think my dad taught her that

your mom grounded and pounded you i don't know how to process that you're not supposed to oh i'll stop then yeah she had great defenses because your strong dad but but that was the last time she beat me out i mean i still i can't get over like grade school for some reason because that happened in my grade school i thought that like paddling in grade school is very normal middle school that was not a thing high school certainly not like i can't imagine being 14 and having a teacher be like all right bend over does grade school be one through four? Grade school is one through five.

Kindergarten through fifth. Kindergarten through fifth was mine. I went to elementary school in the 80s, and they definitely were not doing corporal punishment at public school when I went. That's wild. All right, so I'm 35. So we're talking about 20 years ago. Did you go to a smaller school or something? No, it's not like I was in the middle

of nowhere or anything. It was a pretty big school. We had a fucking track and facilities. We have a catfish farm. We're big time. The pride of the school. There is shit that they wouldn't do now. The catfish farm from the outside.

We've seen it. It's true. They go overboard with the agricultural and other stuff. There's no science lab. We literally had a cattle barn where you could go show your heifer. That's kind of fun.

You can go raise a calf until it is like like a dog show but for but for cattle and like show it out there in front of every and we had the facilities to to do this but we don't have a fucking science lab i learned sign language in a goddamn trailer like trailers are awesome i don't care what people say adults are always like all these poor kids are in a trailer like, you mean the buildings with functional air conditioning and carpets? They're the best ones. They're not bad. I didn't mind as a kid. And you gotta walk out of the building and get

some fresh air and get away from the school. But it does look trashy. I mean, I showed you my high school. They had a bunch of those things. It's super trashy. It's like, fucking build onto the school. My post office has a trailer. This is where I used to live. And I was in the neighborhood recently

and I saw like that fucking trailer's been there 20 years. That's a 20 year old temporary building. Yeah, once a trailer was 20 years old. It didn't look good. It was like mildewish and dirty. It should probably be burned to the ground. Yeah. Imagine the things that would run out.

Little critters i wish we had like more agricultural stuff in our high school it wouldn't have made sense being in st louis but that would have been neat i wasn't raising i wasn't into any of it because any of it because you know i grew up on a fucking farm so the very idea of like having first period um pig farming class was absurd even to me at at that age because you literally had to go into like this like pig sty that's what it's called and there's and there's like mama pigs back in there with like 18 of these fucking pigs like nursing on them and they're back there like cutting the pig's teeth out with like um pliers like cutting the teeth because so because because the pigs will like and i don't want to do it i'm like fuck that i'm not cutting that kid that pig's fucking teeth like they're like their fingernails

um because they're screaming um but if you don't do it they like bite the nipples and the nipples get infected or some shit doesn't sound like they're too evolutionarily uh sound but um i refused i'm like no no, just fail me. Fail me. I'm not going into a pig barn the first thing every day for like six months of high school. Did your grade get docked because you wouldn't nail clip the teeth? Yeah. I refused to go into the pig barn at all.

It's first period of the class. You smell like pig shit all day. It's not a good look. That sucks. No showers. So you can't even get clean before the rest of the day. It's not a good look. That sucks. No showers. So you can't even get clean before the rest of the day. I mean, your clothes are ruined. Like, it soaks into your clothes.

Like, it's a... If you've never been inside of a pig barn, pig house, whatever you want to call it, like, this is like an amateur thing because it's for school. But, like, it's a putrid smell. It's just shit and piss in a big rotting pond. I've been in those chicken houses, and that smells pretty shitty. what's worse you're making it seem like the pig much worse okay yeah the chicken houses are more of a dry litter kind of like what's at the bottom of a hamster's cage

and um the the pig things they literally build them with the concrete like on a slope so that the shit can flow away from the pigs here and this was your this was something you did in first grade elementary school oh no first period of high school um and i refused to do it oh i thought you said first grade i'm a horticulture man there are pigs in north carolina as well and it seems like all that poop and pee gets dropped into a lake with air called a lagoon a lagoon and every so often like the the wall of lagoon will give way and it's an ecological disaster of just all and i don't even get why it's that bad like okay i get it poop and pee not the greatest stuff but isn't this stuff that like nature has a way of dealing with

it like gets into the groundwater apparently not in such great concentrations because you know normally like there wouldn't be 50 000 pigs on this farm there'd be 50 000 pigs in the state or something like that in the wild and they certainly wouldn't be all shitting on top of each other and then filling a lagoon with it what they do next to where i grew up if there were like a ton of rabbits in this area, the wolf population would increase. So given that there's a ton of poo and pee, why doesn't the like, I don't know, nitrogen bacteria increase?

It actually kills all the plants because they can't take it in such great concentrations. But what they do where I'm at is they, when they do empty them, they pump them through field irrigation systems, those big walking irrigators that go through fields there is a lie low a low lying area between Hartwell Georgia and Livonia Georgia that turns into a biological disaster area every time they spray it it's it's so putrid and awful like like you borderline actually gagging it's

but they're like yankees that move down there and just you can't do this anymore yeah so what have you people been up to all these years this you need culture and class that almost happened one time so um we because like hartwell's there um a lot of uh people were moving were moving from Atlanta out to that area and buying property and property taxes were going up because they were building these really big mansions and stuff. And along with that, a lot of them were upset

that they built this big $3 million home and their neighbor was a fucking chicken farmer who's got like mountains of chicken shit and stuff because that's kind of how you grow chickens. And so they were trying to introduce zoning regulations and people who are in cities are like yeah zoning regulations but if you're in a lot of rural counties you're like you think of that as like fucking socialist nazi behavior like you're not gonna tell me i can't park an old car in my yard and so for some reason or another i

guess to pass zoning regulations in the county they had to put out all the changes like in a pamphlet like here's what things will be like. That got distributed. No one cared except for two groups of people, the rich people who lived on the lake who really wanted this to happen because they'd all gotten together in some homeowner's association and be like, we should make a change. Every farmer for 50 square miles, those are the only people who cared. They were talking about killing people. I was in rooms with them. He he was like let's shut all this up real quick somebody puts a bullet in somebody's knee i'll tell you right now you can just get up on that hilltop over there when some

bitches come out of that place that'd be the end of it and i'm just like no one is gonna say no jesus oswald no one said no to that no one in this i it wasn't three of us don't don't don't picture a conspiracy it was a crowd it was like it was like after a baseball game ends and everybody's figuring out what they're gonna do um it ended up not passing because every time they tried to schedule the zoning meeting um they had to find larger accommodations because so many of these fucking rednecks showed up so they eventually had it in a high school basketball gym and they filled the bleachers with, with 30 or 45 year old men who every time one of these ladies would get on stage. gym at 8 p.m. to listen to this lady tell them how their lives can be better. She got up there and started talking about changes. She got about two words out before somebody said, get that bitch off

the stage. It was downhill from there because nobody defended her from that. She is a bitch and on stage. It was ridiculous. I mean, they got what they wanted, right?

No, the farmers got what they wanted right no it's just gonna teach no the the farmers got oh the farmers definitely got yeah so that's just gonna teach them to continue their way of of veiled threats of terrorism to achieve yeah i mean it was a lot of wild stuff it wasn't just like they were going to take their old broken down cars away they were going to make it very difficult to inherit a farm there were going to be some um some some taxes there and there was also going to be this thing where it's like the roof of a chicken house is shiny at first because it's made of new aluminum tin or whatever it's whatever it's actually made of now so it's like actually shiny and obnoxious for like three months until the rain oxidizes it or whatever it does and they were complaining that

like the sun was glinting off a roof into their home and there was a whole thing, but that all got put to an end. There was too many red decks to, uh, to withstand. Good for them. Keeping their farms and their shit and their shit. And, and it's, that's what it smells like.

We're fighting for. It's really difficult. That shit. Uh, it's like also like in like longterm cancer causing some of the chemicals that are in the shit. There's documentaries about that. Don't eat it. Probably. You need to stop eating

pig poo. That's not the part of the pig that you eat. That's not bacon. Everybody wants them to do this and that, but they all still want to eat Chick-fil-A all the fucking time. You can't have your chicken and eat it too. Chick-fil-A all the fucking time. You can't have your chicken and eat it too. Chick-fil-A's fucking great. It is great.

Everybody wants to eat chicken, but nobody wants the chicken guys to do their thing. I love that the gay people couldn't get their shit together well enough to actually boycott Chick-fil-A. They were like, it's just too damn good. It's just too damn good. It's one of those things where the product, it's like Michael Jackson might have did some shit, but what are you going to

take away? His music is too good. Yeah, Thriller. It's too good. Yeah, R. Kelly, whoever it is, you know. Well, I don't know about that one. I like some other songs. Who are some other artists? If you took away all the songs of artists that did bad shit, you'd have to take

away like every song. Just the pedophiles. It's like Mozart was probably was probably no we don't if you read if you read like the way that led zeppelin used to roll for example like they were fucking teenage girls if they can make it to a to a rock concert they're oh i'm about to say stupid things yeah every now and then i can i'm like about to say a thing. Every now and then, I'm about to say a thing, and then I'm like, I can't even say the thing that reminds me of the thing. Nah, that's awful.

Fuck Led Zeppelin. Predators. Absolute pedophiles. Are they all dead? Where are they now? Let's get them. If you listen to old music, they're talking about she's only sweet 16. That like that used to be normal man people there are a lot of music you know

yeah a little ghoulish it's old and it's terrible there's a song called young girl and it is straight up it's like young girl get out of my mind the things i think about are a crime i don't know the lyrics i got it even though you're only nine get out of my mind the things i think about are a crime i don't know the lyrics i got it even though you're only nine get out of my mind my love for you is way out of line you're much too younger kyle knows it dude young woody like fourth grade was learning that song on guitar that's what they like it i was i was learning this like pedophile anthem on guitar as a child but as a child it was a an appropriate love tale right big hair metal song in the 80s it was like on mtv and she was like she's only 17.

yeah i don't know if it was white snake or war it was warrants i believe i believe it was war yes it sounds right this is all fair and 17, but nobody's like, nine years old and ready to go. I don't think R. Kelly was fucking nine-year-olds. Yeah, but he was pissing on 14 or 15-year-olds and recording that shit. Maybe 12-year-olds. I don't remember the exact details, but 16 is legal, and 17 is legal. It's icky, but it's legal.

So I don't mind those songs so much. That's why Kyle's 16-year-old should be on Tinder campaign. It's starting to make sense. I never said that. I said they should have their own Tinder. And I should be allowed to. And you're the only person over 15 or 16 on there. Just to make sure no shenanigans happen kind of like a like a hall monitor you're kind of like a principal you hopefully you don't need to spank them think of it as prima nocta modern day oh no that's that's that's exactly what i'm thinking yeah

yeah we'd have to get rid of a lot of music if you retroactively got rid of everything that by modern day is inappropriate. I bet Bach did something fucked up. Do not use this to explain away Michael Jackson being a pedophile. You cannot be like, I thought you were on the... Bach wasn't recording this

because he didn't have video cameras. If Bach had video cameras, I think in the end, what we should do is appreciate the music, but punish the pedophilia. Why can't they make that music in prison? Put them a fucking studio in there and let the music, the proceeds go to some sort of pedophile

fucking, I don't know, awareness charity. Like love the sinner, hate the sin, sort of. No, not that at all. I thought I could trap you in that one that's the new super pack is the super pedophile awareness charity major unaware of pedophilia are you aware i talked about on pkn but my fucking garage door exploded the other night the spring that actually does the lifting for you

and so now every time i want to leave my house i have to like be like atlas holding the fucking earth on his shoulders and like do a squat and like overhead press my whole fucking garage door it's actually kind of heavy i went to leave today and i'm like preparing myself to do this i'm like like you're deadly stealing yourself i got that uh what are those things you smelling salts I got my smelling salts. I chalk up. Because if I do it casually, it's actually really hard. But I found that if I treat it like a gym lift, it's easy. So I get down and I just explode up.

And I'm like, ah! And I've got it up on my head. Is it like a clean and jerk? Is that your technique? I start and I squat it. And then I just explode it. It up on my head. Is it like a clean and jerk? Is that your technique? I start and I squat it and then I just explode into an overhead. It's on the ground. There's a place where I can grab it like this. Like facing the garage door.

I explode and I overhead press this thing and I'm like, argh! And my neighbor's right there getting his mail. He's just like, what the fuck? But I can't not be like this so I'm just like, hi! You have no shirt on i can see why you're shirtless but why pantsless for this lift i gotta call those people monday

and get that shit fixed because it's so frustrating you can call them tomorrow it's friday yeah but they won't be able to do anything till monday i don't want them knowing about it you know over the weekend they'll get more time to do anything until Monday. I don't want them knowing about it over the weekend. They'll get more time to think. What did he do to break that garage door anyway? His neighbor said he was lifting it like some sort of maniac. I don't trust those people. No, it's super fucking frustrating.

It scared the shit out of me when it exploded. It sounded like a gunshot or a bomb or something. I was right next to it. So I'm hoping to get that shit fixed. I don't know what you live in now. Is it a house like a single family home? Yeah. Okay. But it's rented. So you have someone else who needs to deal with this. Yeah, it's like a company.

It's a I don't think it seems so rare that you've actually got like an actual landlord now like, oh, yeah, Pete, my landlord is coming by for the rent. I've never had that. It's always been like mega rental company incorporated or some shit which i kind of like and then like the the landlord is just like an individual who's really just like a property manager who comes around it that's what i've experienced is like there would be like the big company and then there'd be an actual property manager who handled all the actual stuff. Like, uh, my heater went out,

my AC died, my garage door broke. I live in a weird one now. I, for years, any, any rental property had was like a pay your rent on the internet to some massive company.

And now I have to, I have to write the rent check. And I walked down the street to some old lady's house and I put it in the little slip. It's weird. Some lady with a bunch of hats. yeah my whole thing's corporate now so like there's good things about it and bad things about it like when my air conditioning went out and they like fucking drug their feet around for weeks about it that was awful and then my they did

with my plumbing once too where i didn't have running water for like three days i had to go stay in a hotel but usually they fix things so that's nice and i'm not responsible if anything happens oh they they never my my apartment when i lived in the city it had one of those giant corporations managing it i can't tell you how many times so like the way it was is i lived in the loft on the second floor and so you walked in off the street you know open the door you walk up a flight of stairs and then then it's just my loft, my apartment. And as soon as you come up the stairs, there's like a small landing and then a stairway down that goes to the back fenced-in parking lot where my car is so that nobody can steal anything or break in. The entire time I lived there, aside from like the first month or so, I had to leave the front door, walk around this sketchy-ass through alleys and then go and get my car that way.

Because there was so you open up that back door to go down to the parking area. There was visible black mold, like enough to make a flag, enough to make like a flag out of. Like I stopped walking through that area and like almost sealed it off with like towels and stuff. Because I'm like, I can like smell actively the amount of black mold when i walk through there and i called i don't know two dozen times over the course of the two years i lived there never sent someone out never cared never gave a shit it was it was ridiculous yeah it's so good black mold is genuinely dangerous how big is it though if you breathe it for like years it can fuck with your respiratory system i just changed my air

filter today somehow i remembered i went up there and changed it it was black as night oh dude i i forgot to change my air filter for a year usually at least a year oh it was when it came out you know when you pull it out like when there's so much shit that like it just like almost collapses off the sides there's so much like you pull it out. But you know what they say, the best filter is a dirty filter. They say the best filter is your lungs. Gets everything out.

Well, no, holds on to it. Well, you don't want it in the air. That's what a good filter does. That's how filters work, silly. I took mine out. More airflow. Let's go. You did, though, because you got the nose hair trimmer oh oh i've been plucking them i've been plucking them out i'm gonna get waxed yeah i bought i think i haven't even taken out of the box yet but it's a electric nose hair trimmer and i picture it a way to just sort of stick it up your nostril and it'll cut

everything it does a good job i have one of those but it leaves them all like i don't know two millimeters long and so like if you like press your nose like the the little stumblies poke the other side of your nose so i've got this little thing that like goes in there like a spring and when you squeeze it the spring collapses so it's got all those coils squeezing together and it grabs huge tufts of nose hair at a time does it hurt when you rip it out of course it fucking hurts when you rip it out but i what i really want to do um uh is is like find a find a lady friend who's in a salon or something like that and get her to like put the wax in my nose and the like the things up there and just do a you just do one motion and the whole nose is plucked clean. Why not laser so it doesn't come

back? Nobody lasers the inside of noses. Not yet. Well, I'm an innovator. Jesus Christ, that sounds dangerous. Get that laser up there near my brain? I don't see why. I can get superpowers. That's how... People wax the entire inside? I didn't know that. Sounds awful. People get

all sorts of things lasered and waxed, but I'm definitely getting... Oh, yeah. I thought the nose hairs served a purpose. Oh, they do, but I'm not interested because I don't live in the Serengeti or anything. I'm good. What is it supposed to do? Make boogers? That's a filtration system, right?

I'm not buying that at all. That is the world's most ineffective filtration system. What if I told you I... If I gave you a mask and it had like i don't know 37 hairs over you could clearly see through it you'd be like this mask is bullshit give me

a network of hairy tubes to breathe through that's gonna be better than this mask it's the best god had at the time i could see past all these hairs it's not that dense it can't be good filter i think i feel like that's a reverse explanation the the small the small hairs in your ear canal are actually designed to that's how you hear these tiny little hairs that are in your ear now that's here if you damage them you lose your hearing is there any similarity to that

nose for the in terms of scent? There's not. You can probably smell better without it. I'm like a goddamn bloodhound over here. My nasal passages are bald. Yeah, but now that Kyle's plucked his nose hairs he can't hear at all. Not a damn thing.

Not a damn thing. You get your ear hairs waxed and you're deaf. She goes yoink and it just goes. If it's such a good wax, it pulls the hair from your ears down with it. Yeah, but I agree with you. The hair and the nose, it's a bullshit filter. And, Woody, I do think it's some scientist being like, well, it's for filtration. It's like, really?

Against what? Rocks? Maybe it's like really against what rocks maybe it's like what if and i'm just fucking my lack of knowledge about human anatomy is pretty astounding uh but what if it's a filtration system going the other way so boogers and shit don't just fall and snot doesn't just i want boogers and shit to fall. I want to rock that shit out. Think of the bristles and shit on a tree. Are you a booger hoarder? You don't want to let me go? None of your precious boogers? They're all mine.

You need something to break its fall, like in a movie when somebody falls on an awning outside of an Italian restaurant. What a broken fall for your snuff. This just made me think of this, talking about keeping the boogers in there. I must have been like, I don't know, 11. So my youngest brother was like four or something,

and we were in the back of the car driving somewhere, and he did one of those little kid sneezes where it's just like a full, just like huge booger comes out, and it's on his finger, and he pulls it out after the sneeze. And I'm like, ugh! Like boogers more than like, I've said it before, I'd rather watch a beheading than someone like with a booger there's something about boogers that are disgusting to me and I was like that is so

fucking gross get rid of that and he like didn't know what to do he put it back up his nose and I was just wanting to be like ugh just imagining a now cold booger re-entering my nose made me want to vomit

that's so good that's so cute he's like oh Taylor doesn't like the booger I better put it back that's the same brother that learned he could get attention at our school fair if he would go to the goldfish area take a goldfish and like go like hey watch me

and he kept doing that in front of people like one little girl got like really like upset by it and we were like don't do that anymore but here's two bucks go now go now go do it in front of him and he would just go over there i think he ate like four goldfish that day didn't you no he just straight swallowed him just right i don't know if that's better or worse and he would just go over there. I think he ate like four goldfish that day. Did he chew? No, he just straight swallowed them. Just right down. I don't know if that's better or worse. Worse for the goldfish.

Yeah. I imagine he died pretty quick in the stomach, though. It's definitely better for the person. Yeah, better for the person. Yuck. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure inhaling acid is a quick, painless death. Yeah. Well, you see like they put the the fish

or wait no that was a video of an eel and alcohol that killed it i've never seen a fish dropped in alcohol i saw a bad dragon toy the other day that was like an eel they called it what was it it had like a funny name it was like it's like the depths or the plunge or something like that this motherfucker's 37 inches long. I watched this chick put it all the way up her ass. What? The whole fucking thing. It's three feet long.

David Blaine's girlfriend? How do you make that happen? It wasn't a trick dildo or anything. Where are the sphincters in your digestive system? There's obviously one at the very end. She's passing through them. She's passing through them one after another. She's getting all the way in there.

Is there any pain after the first sphincter? You're definitely very aware of it. There's passing through them one after another. She's getting all the way in there. Is there any pain after the first sphincter? You're definitely very aware of. There's plenty of nerve endings there, but when you go up two feet into the intestine, can you just bop against that thing without issue? I don't know. It seems like it'd be more dangerous if you couldn't feel anything because then you could perforate your own colon

and not even know until you're... Well, you'd know as soon as blood started spurting out of your ass and when you died. That would be a wake-up call it'd actually go to sleep call kind of but yeah that is true how flexible is this tentacle it's flexible yeah it's like coiling with your yeah check out this little clip i sent you guys on whatsapp and and i'll narrate so so this is a is a lovely young lady and and she has a toy herself and she's she's illustrating just how quickly she can penetrate all of those sphincters within her body and get the dildo all the way up to her clavicle up here good gosh yeah it's

impressive it's impressive stuff um that's david blaine girlfriend. It's like opposite sword swallowing. Yeah, it's literally like opposite sword swallowing. The dick is the size of... It looks like my tripod that my camera's on. When you get to the very end, she's pushing this giant dildo up and down her butt and you can see it right here on her.

I'm seeing this. There's a subreddit for that. I think it's called distension. That is not what the human body's this. There's a subreddit for that. I think it's called distension. That is not what the human body is meant. Our distension. That's got to be terrible for you. You see it, right? It's way higher than her belly button. Way higher.

We're up here in the bread basket. It's going to come out with some of her unheated lunch on it. I meant solar plex. Solar plex. Okay. Yeah, if it's ever... She would die at the clavicle. She can almost taste it.

She can almost taste it at the clavicle. Yeah, no, solar plexus is right. That's about how high it is. It's impressive. You want to marry that young lady if you get your own daughter? No, this will be another video. My phone automatically downloads from WhatsApp. Oh, yeah, good.

If I got to deal with shirtless, what do you got to deal with? I didn't even send it to you. I got one the other day. Trust me, we all saw it what he's looking ripped looking choice like he's looking like he's ready to step in and play wolverine over there so the ab definition trail mix as best i could it's we know it sucks though all the lighting that like shows your muscle striations make my face like 15 years older you gotta take the good with the bad i can't have it all you don't just learn how to light motherfucker all right so you want one big light coming down straight down and just get yourself a nice

little floodlight come in from the bottom fill all that up you're completely right i could have done better dude that something about the no effort picture made it seem real. So I can't even see what is on the screen because my camera is broken. I have to use the macro camera, the like 0.5 one. So it's tiny. I had to like crop it to make it even visible for people. And I can't see what I look like. It's just a stand in front. Do that sort of one eighth sit up thing to make your abs go.

First picture I take, what you get is what you get. You look great. That's what I look like right now. Back to the Derek thing. 6'4". 6'5", I'm told. 6'5". I called yesterday to get my prescription refilled. I usually don't go through the nitty-gritty, but I'm

dealing with a new person now. He was just out in Vegas with Derek. i think the whole company of theirs maybe went out to like celebrate maybe you know the great success of lock and load i'm sure that's that's probably it and uh but but he was uh he was saying that he was like do you know how big that dude is and i'm like no i've never actually met him he's like it's fucking like six four six five he's like i'm like 5 10 and i have to look straight up at this guy like straight up i was like i was like what do the delts look like are they that big in rl or is he getting a pump for camera he's like they're at least they might be bigger he's like he's like i'll be honest i got a little drunk i touched him

then this is like my this is like my health care rep i've never spoken before ever uh so we had a long conversation it was funny but he says he's six five and just like fucking gantic i'm looking for a tiny little derrick upload we've shown it before but it's so fucking funny to me i'll and it's 15 seconds uh it won't take me long if you hang in there. Yeah. But no, I'm looking forward to, I think I'm going to message Derek either tonight or tomorrow about starting the new,

uh, the new protocol for, uh, the end of 2021 and the calendar year of 2022. I'm looking forward to getting started again on a, on a whole new, whole new, uh,

goal this time. I want to get big. I want to get big. Um, I'm still going to do a weight cut at the end for sure. So like, I'll end up like lean again, but I want to like do the bulking thing for longer this time. Cause I, last time I was like, all right, this is enough bulking. If we're going to be like fit and ready for like photo shoot, I need to be done by May. So we've got to start the weight cut

in January. And, and so I ended up or something like that roughly, but this time around, I don't, I don't have a deadline. I can bulk as long as I want to. So it's gonna be fun. So this is at the end. You'll see what Derek looks like. Play it. When you can see their shoulder line.

And when they go like that. Fuck me. So guys, Derek more place. Morning Derek from that's six five dude six five people look like string beans he does that's he's huge well normally they do but normally Derek has made himself more than he was meant to be

yeah so anyway that I guess for some reason I've got the same kink that chick does i highly value that like definition right here if the arm looks like a sausage and kind of the deltoid to the bicep is one straight line that uh there it's weird how i zone i like abs and i like this line no i do too i do too i think they're good profile things you know they're they're like like your eyes kind of drawn to those areas um and it is a real strong indication in a dude that he is not only like muscular but also like fit you know you got to have pretty low you there's plenty of dudes

out there with huge ass delts but they're fat and you have no idea that they have that if they were trimmed they'd have like a ridiculous musculature but you never know it it takes discipline and hard work how's your cousin doing i know that he had a lot of success early on is he still yeah i haven't talked to him in a little bit actually it's probably like i actually haven't spoken to him since like i gave you that last update so it's probably been a good two or three months um i usually check in with him more often i should check in i hope he's still going with it because he should be massive now i think i told him that like right about the end of the year if he kept up with everything that he would be fucking colossal and yeah my my biceps got bigger over the last year i somehow i didn't expect them to i just did all this thinking i

was wasting time like all right i'm gonna try but i'm not actually gonna succeed no i uh like like when i first started i wrote my measurements on a marker board on the refrigerator, all my measurements, and kept track of that stuff as I went. Probably measurements you aren't even supposed to take. I measure my head just to make sure. Like a baby.

Let's make sure nothing goes awry here. If I start sliding Joe Rogan style, we'll cut everything off, but that hasn't happened starts Frank It might happen it might have like a fat head much body fat. Yeah, I was gonna say yeah bad I will say like like when you're super lean I'll tell you like obviously knows in the mirror, but when you're in the shower washing your face, you're like this is bowling

Wait like you can you start feeling more like rigid bones that you normally don't feel because there's no fat left i'm not there wax when you're not all in you're not there you're not getting there then you're super lean i could be leading i'm sorry yeah yeah when you're not all in on music uh well actually i wanted to ask about the stand-up comedy thing i don't think you were doing that the last time that we spoke to you many years ago how did that start oh yeah maybe not um uh i just i actually did a uh did an open mic night at a bar in los angeles and i did real bad i just like bombed really hard and sucked and you know i've been doing music for a long time and i feel like i've been doing it

long enough that i'm like pretty confident and like on stage there's a bunch of people looking at me and i feel fine you know what i mean but for some reason this little this little bar in van nice i just was like shaking and like i was just scared and something had like after that happened i was like i need – I don't know. Maybe it's like somebody who has a fear of heights wanting to skydive or something like that. I wanted to get over that fear. I was like, fuck that. I need to do this.

I know I'm funny. You know what I'm saying? So I actually signed up for – my friend told me about a class. She was taking a stand-up comedy class, which I know all comedians think that's fucking the lamest thing to do is take a stand-up comedy class. But I took one. And after after that i ended up doing it i was i would like get up here and there for three years something like that i bombed a bunch of times i did really well a bunch of times i had a couple jokes there's a there's a there's a uh i have a set online like on youtube there's like if you look up like wax stand-up comedy it's, I have like an eight minute like that. Did you ever, um, you mentioned that, you know, super, super comfortable

on stage from the musician background, but like the comedy thing, you're just shaking. Did you ever consider sort of fusing the two into one, like being a musical comedian or, or, or Burnham or anything like that? Yeah. I mean, I've, I've kind of done some stuff like that. You know, I've definitely, I've definitely done some, I've definitely done like songs that have comedy in them. Like a lot of times writing, writing rap bars is a lot like writing jokes. You know what I mean?

Just coming up with punchlines. It's true. Yeah. And, and I, and even, even before I did that, I would always like at my,

in my sets, I'd be fucking with people in the crowd and saying funny things and whatnot. But there was something about that day that it was just weird and my shit was my jokes were horrible you know what i mean i didn't know how to write a joke or how to really i just had something funny happen to me and thought that if i told that story on stage it would be funny and that's like not how it works you know yeah and so like you went in with that first time with just like a couple stories as material like you hadn in with that first time with just like a couple of stories as material, like you hadn't written horrible, horrible stories that I try to tell the story.

I'll tell it to y'all. It probably won't even be funny. Just me talking to you. It's like if you go into, if you go into seven 11 and you buy one roll of toilet paper at seven 11, the guy knows right there at that moment, you have to shit right now. You know, he didn't even laugh now it's not even that funny i try to i try to like go up on stage and talk about that for five minutes three five minutes out of that i think it was something i could relate to it might be more

funny because but i've never once bought a single toilet roll of toilet paper at a 7-eleven that's just one of the problems with that that. That's one. Yeah. Okay. And you were doing it in LA and I'm pretty sure 7-Eleven is more of an East Coast thing. Right? Oh, no. It's everywhere. I had a comedian steal my bit once. And I was... So most comedians

hate that. They totally, totally hate it. In the thing, even though I have retold stories, I get roasted for it. So once I tell the thing, I can have retold stories i get roasted for it so once i tell the thing i can't use it again and uh i went to a black barber he cut my hair squared me up made me look really bad and then sort of the kicker that made me sure that he stole it from me and didn't just have a parallel experience is that i brought my son and let him fuck him up too. And when the comedian told his story, it had the same ending.

And I'm like, that was taken. That was from me, I'm sure. I can't imagine that the way that guy told... The way you looked after that was the funniest fucking thing ever. I wish we could get a picture. Zach, if you could find a picture of Woody squared up when he got back from the Black Barber.

Google squared up Woody. So I had been watching YouTube videos and such, and I was convinced that the Black Barber was like the highest level of professionalism and technique. Guys were talking about how great their fade was. And I'm like, well, I just been going to regular fucking barbers all this time. I don't think they have the fade on lockdown. It's okay. Like nobody ever gave me a fade before yeah like it was but when he like cut all my hair and squared it up it it looked pretty silly on me

it he gave you a black man haircut he did and then the worst part i'll never forget it's like you're like and then colin he i'm like wait wait what do you mean what do you mean then colin you got he did that to you and then you put your first born into his clothes you're like that's how it was stolen that's how i do this comedian told me when you see colin's hair yeah that's almost racist that is cultural appropriation if i was smiling because he knows what is that thinking with blackface so you do blackhead

no it was no and and like i know what you're saying i think what it is is like black people culturally have like this connection to barbershops it seems um where like they hang out there and like they're i think it's it's it's it's hard to find somebody's gonna do your hair just right and it seems like everybody in a black person's family that has a guy like there's an uncle or somebody who does this and that just right to their hair because their hair is so finicky but like that's for black people hair you know like like you took your honda into like mega motorsports over there where they only do jacked up fords and and so he he took your honda and yeah he jacked it up i like that like you by you doing that like you gave that barber and everyone else in that like his family a story to laugh at for the rest of their life hey hey tell us about that time that white motherfucker

came in and you squared him up. And did this cracker. Ah! Just did it! After you were done with it, like, we want to picture you for the wall. I thought I was going to be part of the community, that I was going to hear the banter, that I was going to get an A-plus haircut. That's what I had in mind. Be honest. Be honest.

You thought they were going to give you an N-word pass. You thought they were going to square you up so well that all of them were going to pat you on the back like, yeah, one of us, one of us. So I'm in Raleigh. And the Duke versus UNC versus NC State, if you include them, rival. I expected there to be lots of basketball trash talk and that wasn't how it went down at all i i think i might have silenced the joint with my presence oh so you you were the only white person there no colin was there okay my red-haired son your red-haired son and you and as soon as you walk in it's like the only sound is the bell of the door closing yeah yeah it wasn't what i thought it was gonna be that's so fucking funny i haven't thought about

that in so long i hate getting my hair cut but yeah those two just knocks it all out gets it done we asked steve hofstetter i did if like like okay he's adamantly against joke stealing but i was like what if it's a cpa at the water cooler right like this isn't he still hated it still was not okay with someone retelling his stuff at the water cooler to a colleague but uh yeah i don't line up with that and once i tell it it's kind of used i I feel you. It depends on the joke. I'm a huge Norm MacDonald fan. He tells street jokes and jokes he heard from other people all the time.

It kind of depends. If you tell a joke that's like in your case, you had a human experience and told the story and somebody's stealing your experience. If it's like two guys went into a bar, that's kind of a different thing you know yeah r.i.p norm one of the greats i know he's the best and and the

youtube algorithm will not stop feeding me his shit like that happened to me it's like it became it's because and i was already in the before he passed. And it's just like, fuck, the algorithm is almost like it made me even more of a fan because every time I open YouTube, all they feed me is shit. Now I'm like, I don't like him that much. Jesus. The algorithm. They're controlling me, man. The algorithm is – Nothing but Norm.

It's crazy how we're slaves to the algorithm. I've been watching a motorcycle adventure videos these are people who like drop everything in their life and then go on these like five seven week vacations all over the place like you know i'm gonna go to the northernmost port in alaska just go and it has normalized that behavior to me i have to do it again next summer like it just yeah this is what people do i have to go on an 8 000 mile motorcycle ride what are your some of your uh like cool down hobbies wax when you're not stand up or or music when you're just trying to yeah honestly like i don't do i don't have a lot of hobbies man but i do yoga you know that's that's how i cool down that's my main my main like

physical activity is it exhausting yoga i've never done yoga but i work with a lady around it a weird you know it's funny a weird thing about yoga is it's it's like it can be anything it can be relaxing it can be uh physically challenging it can be aerobic. It can be exhausting. There's all different kinds of vibes. It definitely is good for your mind, though. It's good for your body. It's good for your mind. It kind of kills two birds in one stone. It's kind of like a workout and a meditation.

Not to mention it stretches getting old and all that. Do you know what I mean? The worker I had at Cisco was fucking hilarious. So she was a woman and she's really funny. And she was like 35 and desperately wanted to be married and had kids. It was just, I don't know.

I think it was hormonal. She was just being driven to reproduce. And she's heavy and she's like, I can't find a man and my eggs are drying up. And this is at at meetings at Cisco. You're saying she's heavy at her weight or heavy as in this is heavy, you're weighing heavy on her. I'm describing her as heavy and that's why she couldn't find a man. Both of those are correct.

She got into yoga and must have cleaned up her diet too. Look, I'm not saying she was a dime or anything, but she turned herself from a three to a three to a seven found a man had babies and it was everything she wanted it to be for her it's a little happy ending story well yoga yoga will make the rest of your life better you know yoga it's funny it's like it just makes it makes you feel better mentally and then it has like these it's almost like a side thing that it like works your abs and shit like that you know what i mean what's that do you go to classes or do you just do it on your own at home i do both i used to go i used to go to classes all the time because the good thing about going to classes is sometimes when you're at home like you're just you can you have the option to stop you know i mean but if you're in a class for an hour, you'll do it, you know?

Yeah. People ask you where you were. There's, like, usually good-looking girls in the class, but I don't go there for that. Usually I just zone out, you know? You get in your head, you focus on your breathing. If you've ever meditated, it's like doing that and also doing, like, poses and shit.

But I love it. What's, like, the barrier to entry like? Like, I'm not the most flexible guy. When you went in the first time, were you stuck on a couple poses, or are you pretty naturally limber, caught up? I had a horrible experience the first time I tried it. Somebody told me to try it, and I had a teacher that was really mean. She was moving me around like, no, you don't do it like that.

So I went back reluctantly like a couple years later and it's just like i don't know you don't it's weird they don't teach you the fundamentals you just kind of have to get it yeah just kind of get on there and start doing it that's one thing that's weird about yoga like you know you play basketball you start you do drills you do fucking the three-man weave you learn to dribble you know i mean they don't really do that and yo you just jump right in but every you can kind of do an they have like level one basically for it that you can do but was it guy friendly like i imagine it being not welcoming for that reason mine just off target maybe maybe maybe it's um maybe the reason you say you live in raleigh north carolina i do i started doing it in la i think they had i think shit is just different there

with that kind of shit you know what i mean because i grew up in maryland and i grew up in the 90s you know and uh if you if i would have never guessed that i would ever do yoga i would have saw that as in a in a way you know what i mean i mean i do i'm from jersey yeah there were there's shit you know and and you're older so like shit back in the day was different like i don't know aerobics was a girl's thing aerobics was a girl's thing if you had asked the graduating class of 400 people at my high school have you ever had sushi before like maybe three of them would have said yes you know know what I'm saying? Like times have just changed and people try more shit. We have all the information available, but I don't know. I got into yoga.

I don't like, I don't like, you know, I tried to do CrossFit one time. I don't like people yelling at me. Come on, let's go. Let's do it. Like, I don't get inspired by it. Like, I don't like whatever that, that emotion that's in music. It's like that people play at the gym to work out like i if i if i go to the gym and lift weights i listen to like a podcast

or something like that that like that like that like um bobby knight shit doesn't work on me you know what i mean i'd rather have like a woman talk to me in a relaxing way and then as you're lifting i'm the same way i like to watch tv or like shows while i'm lifting in my basement like i never listen to music if i do yell that i don't like all that stuff doesn't work on me i get i get it but all that like what's that fucking dude's name like gary v or whatever like oh yeah yeah sure that kind of that kind of energy doesn't motivate me that the stuff that's supposed to motivate you doesn't, I'd rather be like,

I don't know for me, I'd rather be more like soothing, you know? Yeah. I mean, whatever gets you in the gym is the right thing for that person, you know? Right.

I like music that lifts me, right? Like, like I just wanted to be an attitude booster or an energy booster whatever you call it a lot of times that's girly pop stuff yeah man it's the best every metal would stress me out every time i'm doing something that i like i put on like my favorite pump up song like like i don't need a song for the shit i hate i know that that's like counterintuitive but like the shit i hate i hate it music isn't gonna help this but the stuff I really like, it really makes it fun.

If I'm doing overhead presses or dealt raises or something like that, I can't remember who sings it, but it's that song, I Need a Hero. I love it. I love it. Tyler, maybe? Taylor? One of those. Something like that. It's, I need a hero. And I'm just like, Wow. Yeah. Is that a modern

song or is that like, that's an 80s song, right? Yeah, you got it. I listen to a modern song? No. That's an 80s song, right? Yeah, you got it. I listen to a lot of 80s. Yeah, a lot of 80s. I need a hero. It's a woman singing on YouTube. Yeah, yeah.

He was right. And he's got to be fresh from the fight. I need a hero. Or might be fresh for the fight. I'm not sure. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah. She needs a big strong man to protect her. It's not be me but i'm totally gonna be no no totally not i'm

gonna get big and strong but but i'm gonna leave her alone oh is she hot she's probably old she's probably like my grandmother's age maybe not that old i don't know well she stopped aging after she died so she's you know eventually yeah i, I feel like I listen to music now. The older I get, the more it's like when I listen to music, it's a little bit more to relax me than it is to get me hype. You know what I mean? I don't listen to – when I was young, I'd listen to metal or gangster-ass rap and want to do things sort of like mosh,

if not mosh, similar in the energy energy it puts me in a good headspace and if i've got like um it can be a good thing to pass the time to like like i listen when i play poker um i'll play poker for like three or four or five hours straight and um it's not fun sometimes it can be real boring and there could be depressing moments where the odds were three percent that they'd win but somehow they do it anyway and you lose a bunch of money. Put a little Ed Sheeran on. Let him cheer me up and just calm down and just keep going.

I can keep from going into a rage most of the time. I usually just get up and leave everybody behind if I get really mad. You've been on such an Ed Sheeran kick. I don't know if that song got stuck in my head. It's literally just two fucking songs. I don't know what else the fucker sings um um bad habit bad habits and um um i've got it right here it's uh knows zach i'm sure zach knows shivers shivers yeah he's good

that way they're stuck in my fucking head i think those are two new singles or something yeah those are the new ones yeah it's stuck in my fucking head. I think those are two new singles or something. Yeah, those are the new ones, yeah. It's stuck in my fucking head. I've got two Waxhorns on my most played playlist. They're not that far off from the old ones. You know what I mean? They're pretty similar to the old ones he had, too. Yeah, it's all poppy.

Shimmer's one kind of sounds like Shape of You, which he had a few years back. He's got his vibe. He's got his vibe. He's figured it out. Skinnier. When I picture Ed Sheeran in my mind, he's chubby. He fucked that weight it out skinnier when i picture ed sheeran in my mind he's chubby he fucked that weight off too you know he did i choose to believe that i choose to believe he didn't change his diet or anything he's just having a lot he's just he's just long stroking

fucking uh what's her name what's her name's taylor swipes every one of them every one of them includes that who dated who was the first unbelievable get that that snl comedian bone oh ariana grande that's what i'm looking for yeah the the girl who's whatever race she needs to be this week i don't know she's amazing looking and talented she's over 18 right have you ever seen her she's got one of those like pedo faces but yeah she's over pedos love it you make a song like she's a pedo no well i mean she might be i don't know her um but uh she's super talented like she can sing in the uh like the style of like half a dozen famous artists i heard her do like dolly part and whitney houston she did it as an snl bit right yeah yeah and the radio was out yeah and i thought we'd do it on like morning shows like who's the boyfriend she used to have pete davidson is yeah butthole

eyes yeah from snl dude he fucked i mean he's been dating ariana grande and kim kardashian in the same life yeah he goes you gotta tip your hat to him yeah i wish my dad had died in 9-11 that's gotta be it what else could it be yeah i'll tell you dad's just serving him up w's my dad my dad was in a field somewhere in georgia instead of on the 115th floor where he should have been to get me laid in this in this hard time what'd you say i don't get the appeal of pete davidson i never really understood it he must have a good personality if he's messing with the girls you just said it must be where girls like him. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm getting at. It must be the 9-11 story because I don't know.

I don't think he's a bad-looking guy, but he does have his butthole eyes that creep me out. You're so harsh on his eyes. They look like buttholes. His eyes look like buttholes. Can we get a picture of Pete Davidson? I was saying – I didn't realize you were going. I was saying the reason he – since I don't get him, it must be that girls like him. Sometimes the reason he Since I don't get him it must be that girls Like him sometimes girls like shit that I don't

Get you know what I mean Yeah they got bad taste It was funny you were like yeah it must be the 9-11 Thing I was like I wasn't saying that That's how I heard it Wax cosigning He just looks sleepy It looks like he's in the middle of biting

His lip You know like when you get a bad one or it's just very unflattering still i think part of his face is paralyzed he does look exhausted he looks so tired all the time if i couldn't i could not tell you halfway to doing his zombie cosplay i couldn't tell you like what his yeah he does he looks like he got bit by a zombie two minutes of screen time ago in a film and they're trying to decide what to do with him. Do we lock him outside? Do we kill him?

Did you see him? I don't know what Amy's doing. Look at those teeth. He's going to be a dangerous zombie. He's already starting to smell like rotten meat. I don't get it. That's what he looks like when like in the side when everybody's like organizing the barriers

he like pulls up his sleeve and there's a bite mark and then he pulls it back down not to tell anyone. You okay Pete? Just start with brains like think of brains as being a food. Just barely get that hang of it. Alright that's me but it's so fucking I've never seen anything he's done.

He's fucking Kim Kardashian in the ass. He loves it when we call him butthole eyes. I mean, all publicity is good publicity. I don't think that's accurate. I don't think it's accurate at all. Bill Cosby disagrees. Yeah, I know a few people who would disagree. But yeah, I don't quite get it, but that's fine.

Good for him. Kanye's fucking insane. It seems so weird to go from Kanye to Pete Davidson, right? It seems like such polar opposites. I think they just like each other tremendously because when Kanye was on the show, I think they didn't get along very well. They had a lot of problems. I like to think this

is all a revenge long game. He stole his wife. I'm liking Pete Davidson more and more by the minute. Kanye is in a tough spot. When he took the SSRI, do I have that right, Taylor? Yeah, so when he took the SSRIs, it made him a little more sane, a little more reasonable, a little more rational, but he feels like his music talent left him.

But when he's crazy, he has that music talent, but it's hard for him to live a productive, happy life. Hard to choose. I can see that as a difficult choice because like tons of people who take antidepressants are like, yeah, I'm not really depressed anymore, but I'm also not feeling anything. Like I don't have the tremendous lows, but I also don't have any highs. I'm just kind of in this weird limbo of life. And so like if you're an artist who has to like tap into your emotions to get good art, he needs to feel that you can't do that. You're kind of in this weird limbo of life and so like if you're an artist who has to like tap into your emotions to get good art he needs to feel that you can't do that you're kind of fucked

yeah he's a he's an interesting example too because i don't tuned the crazy down because i haven't heard about him in the news recently no he's been very probably just out of touch yeah he's been crazy for a little while now um but but they make him crazy like like the most recent thing i saw was him leaving his fucking house at like 4 45 a.m getting in his fucking car and the paparazzi are outside waiting and they're just like flash flash bulbing him at 4 45 a.m it's dark and they're like they're like how you doing kanye and he's like how the fuck you think i'm doing how the fuck you think i'm doing mosquito mosquito the so i guess in my head i thought all these actors have paparazzi and i thought it was roughly the same like i'll make it up brad pitt has the same level of paparazzi that like justin

bieber does no man justin bieber's level of fame is outrageous. He can hardly walk in public. It is crazy. I get why they have personal shoppers. That dude can't go buy toothpaste. It would be dangerous. Anyway, Kanye's level of paparazzi is way up there at the top. Justin Bieber should have stuck with the mustache. Really? Yeah, that's a funny look i like that so so i told dirty the other day um

i don't know what the bet is i don't know what happens if i lose the bet but he and i at some point are going to make a bet in which if i win he has to grow a mustache because and only a mustache because i realize he looks a lot like kip from napoleon dynamite and uh and i want to see that man zach can i see a kip picture dirty's gonna hate this because he's a good looking guy in real life he is because kip is is a bit of a not this is exactly what dirty looks like to a t just like kip not even the same color hair i don't think yeah isn't kip a redhead i think so actually is he the main character no he's the main character's brother oh yeah that's dirty that's dirty see the glasses you know now that you now that you say it kyle spit

an image this guy's this guy's actually a little better looking i I mean, he's got nicer skin and nicer eyes for sure. And he's got... That haircut's fly. Have you been watching a pestily stream lately, Kyle? I saw that he's got the one side of his head shaved and the other side of his beard shaved. Yes, yeah. His head, right down the middle,

is shaved bald on one side. And then his beard is the opposite, making kind of a... Is there a name for that? like a yin yang that type thing going okay that works yeah um i i saw it and i was immediately like he's a grown-up with a wife one like it i've been a grown-up with the wife being, baby, we need to do a Harlem shake video. So I get it. I got it. I'm right there. I have no,

I think, I think what he probably says is, Hey, do you want to fuck half my beard on this pile of money? And she's like, absolutely. I do. And then they do.

Yeah. Um, uh, that's probably the deal. No, I saw it. Um, and he sort of alluded that it would be explained in the video to come but um i didn't watch the video because i i'm pretty aware of like what the

video was about it's about the patch notes and shit and i've been following tarkov anyway but so i don't know why he did it probably some i'm sure it's for his fans or for charity or something probably for charity he's raised so much money for charity he's a great guy indeed but i saw it and was like yeah like entertainment is silly yeah tarkov has been very entertaining lately there's a new patch lots of big changes the inertia the patch called the best thing that's like the best patch tarkov has ever had the voip um which is when you're able to speak to other players in game so a lot of people thought it was going to be awful and it was just going to be people screaming the n-word at each other and being obnoxious kind of like music russ can be like that like like very obnoxious over the

voice but and it turned out that there's a lot of cooperation to be had when you can actually hear the other guy's voice and like kind of get a feel for who he is as a person you can kind of hear his voice and maybe figure out if you can trust him or not in game and people have ended up working together and also people ended up like talking tons of shit while they're fighting, which is fun too. Fuck you. No, fuck you. I'm going to take your shit and I'm not even going to sell your bullshit. I'm going to throw it in the river.

It's been interesting. It's made for fun videos. Yeah, I agree. There's going to be some VoIP highlight compilations that I look forward to. Yeah, already are. Yeah, those video makers are so quick on that shit. I haven't even played,

but the idea that Lighthouse exists is exciting to me lighthouse looks bad to me um okay i don't know i didn't i haven't liked the gameplay i saw from it it reminds me of woods but a little more mountainous and you can't even go to the lighthouse which which seems weird um but uh but overall it looks cool but i think i'm sorry to cut you off i think lighthouse is where the boss is going to be so you will be able to go there i hope so it will be cool okay i know they're talking about adding god knows when that game's finished right at five years from now are they still adding content five years from now streets of tarkov will drop yeah it's crazy it's cool that games are like that now. Like the old way of doing games, you've got Skyrim, right? That they're releasing every year again.

The same fucking game that I played when I was 25 years old. 10 years ago or whatever. And it's just the same thing over and over. And meanwhile, it's kind of the opposite on the other end. I don't know. Tarkov is this game that just came out several years ago, but it just keeps becoming it mutates every year into like a slightly different thing this is going to be very different than it used to be yeah it should be cool it should be cool i i i think i might be on to something i haven't played tarkov in two wipes but i watch

it on twitch that might be the best way to enjoy that game. I feel the same exact way. Do you play Tarkov? Well, by proxy. Landmark does the playing. Very good. I got 25 million rubles right now. My stash is great. I got a dox case. Depending on who I'm watching, I'm one of the higher ranked players in the whole game.

I took out a five man yesterday like it was nothing. It was cool. It's great living vicariously through landmarks. When I watch, I get a privileged experience because the streamer will give me attention sometimes because I used to make COD videos. That's really fun too. And because you sell compils?

Yeah, I'm a Gizbiz mogul. Which, by the way, I haven't had my nighttime supply yet. Well, I hope you got plenty of water. I don't. I'm going to dry swallow. Don't dry swallow nine pills. No, it's just four. I had five in the morning.

You should explain what we're talking about the wax. So we've invented a supplement called Lock and Load that increases the volume of your loads, of your seminal fluid. Wait, y'all invented it? Yeah, yeah. A proprietary blend. Yeah.

We've got 10,000 bottles sold, 20,000 more bottles will be here Monday! Monday! Monday! Monday, Monday, Monday. Dude, apparently we can't keep it on the shelf so if you want it

can I ask some questions about it of course I feel like it'd be a good promotion and it would also be good for my curiosity how the like what do you you know without giving away your fucking you know

Colonel Sanders recipe I wish I had my last note for this what are like which it is finger licking good to some people but Colonel Sanders recipe. I wish I had my last note for this. Which it is finger licking good to some people. That's a great tagline for our cum pills. Finger licking good. What are some of the shit you put in there?

So the way this began is Taylor and I were looking online and there were like these sort of bio hacking like meat online and there were like these sort of bio hacking, like meatheads online who were like, Oh,

if I take this, I get bigger loads. And somebody else was like, well, if I take this, I get bigger loads. And so we started like combing the internet for any like message board forum,

like for the last 30 years of anyone trying to do this. And we combined all of those ingredients into one. We started taking huge handfuls of pills every day, lots of soy, lecithin, lecithin and vitamin D and all sorts of other stuff, all sorts of roots. And we got like noticeably larger loads. It was like, this is actually working. So we partnered with the guy, Derek, that we mentioned earlier. He owns a supplement company.

And so we partnered up with him. And he had some ideas of his own about how to get our ingredients into as few capsules as possible. Cause you don't want to be taking like multiple bottles. And, and so now we are in the jizz biz. We have sold an enormous amount, a load.

Yeah. And, and there's, there's more on the way Monday. So you'll be able to go over to, to Derek's website and buy those. I'm hoping it's at midnight, but you guys might want to just keep clicking refresh on the way Monday. So you'll be able to go over to Derek's website and buy those. I'm hoping it's at midnight, but you guys might want to just keep clicking refresh on Derek's website.

Monday's the day. I have so many questions about this. Yes, go ahead. So it increases the size of the load. Does it increase the size of the amount of sperm that's in the load? No, no. It's really all show. Yeah.

no no no it's really all show yeah so are there any are there any things products in is there any side effects is there anything negative that could be you know being totally rad side effects may include being totally irresistible to women it makes you confident i'll tell you that and there's a like so i i i lift weights and uh because of that i take different vitamins and whatever and i hardly give a fuck about them i don't know if they're working if i miss my vitamin d today i don't care the lock and load is one of my highest priorities i that's the real vitamin d it's right behind food, air and shelter. Like, I don't want my loads to go back to normal size.

I totally know. I cared about you guys are going to want to buy multiple bottles. Cause we don't know when there's going to be more. Okay. That's a genuine thing. I have three, four dozen bottles. Okay. They gave me three bottles to start with.

I think one's kicked and i have maybe one and a half left i'm not sure all jokes aside like somehow we did stumble upon a recipe that makes our ejaculate shockingly large and it's real fun i've heard people be like i don't get it why would you want your load to be big and that's fine that's fine you can be lame now you can be lame and save a tiny insignificant amount of money like, like a meal out on the town. I have seen pornography where the loads are really large, and I've talked to people in the pornography business, and a lot of those dudes say they eat a bunch of celery.

Have you heard that? They eat a bunch of fucking celery. I was eating a lot of celery seed at one point. So what that actually does, and this is for you listeners out there, a little free tip. It makes your semen more pearlescent and shiny from the celery seed. I was taking a lot of celery seed. It'll make you have more milky white pearlescent cum. However, it will not increase the volume.

For that, you're going to need something to inject into which is, which is one of our main ingredients. Yeah. Yeah. It's in, you were asking if there were side effects. There's a good side effect in that, you know, you're busting more, which means you're busting longer, which means your orgasm, your, your good feeling is lasting longer than it otherwise would have. All right. It's not a caveman. You don't have to call it orgasm, a good feeling. He knows what an orgasm is. You know, good, good time after make-make. I love that.

He waxed when a man was. That actually was going to be a question. I was going to ask if it makes your orgasm feel better or longer. You're orgasming for longer like i'm literally like sometimes i'm like oh we're still going okay all right yeah it's it really is your your uh ejaculate shoot farther and that is something i didn't realize i valued you know

you know when a magician is pulling those things out of his sleeve and he gets like 15 flags in and you're like obviously you could like 15 flags in and you're like obviously you could fit 15 flags in that suit that's not impressive but by like the 50th flag you're like where on earth is this actually coming from that's what taking these pills and coming is like because like you get your normal load and then it just doubles it up there's no like you could blind the dog you could blind the dog yeah like could blind a dog. Yeah. Like, I killed a small cat. Or two cats. You kill a cat.

You straight up kill a cat. Everything I'm saying is true. You really do come more. You come farther. And it is one of my top priorities in this subject. I can't prove that it'll kill a cat, but... It could drown a cat. Pretty I got a couple of cat experiments ahead of the cum experiment

so maybe we'll get to that I'm looking for a tall building right now I got another question in this market of cum increasing supplements I got another question. Um, in, in this market of, of common crease in, uh, supplements, do you see the CIS market? Do you have like a, uh, a lot of competitors? Yes. Yes. There's a couple of competitors. None of them, um, have, they're all ripoffs. We have, we have several competitors and, uh, and, and they don't compete at all. Really. They,

they, they usually it's like, take this one pill per day and you'll have giant loads. And it's We have several competitors and they don't compete at all, really. Usually it's like, take this one pill per day and you'll have giant loads. It's like, no, that's not how it works. You're changing a part of your body, right? You've got to take a lot of pills every fucking day. That's the thing about Gorilla Mind in general, the supplement company we partnered with. All their shit is like, this is the dose you need to get the real effectiveness of the product they don't say like oh creatine is good for you i'll throw you one fucking milligram of it and pretend i'm giving you creatine he never that's like that's the

opposite of what they're about so uh i guess as a pimp if you use our code and you want something else like a pre-workout or something then uh you get it from gorilla mind because you'll have a discount using our code and it's no bullshit it's not like i remember he reviewed i don't even want to say it because i'm an asshole but it was i think it was g fuel and they had one milligram of something and they're like derek reviewed it oh my god what do you think that your customers are fucking illiterate and can't see the ingredients on the side of the bottle meanwhile i'm illiterate i don't know what the effective dose is for these different things i just see that it has it or doesn't have it but gorilla mind takes care of you make sure that if you have it it has it in the right dose yeah that's why there's nine pills have you ever got have you guys ever done like the kind of experiment that would be analogous to

say like a tide laundry detergent commercial where they wash something with tide and they wash something with the other like you do a before thing this is the amount of calm yeah after the amount of calm i measured it to the milliliter yeah i wish i had done that you want to know how I did it? Because I'm very proud of myself. I came into a condom before and after, and I pulled the cum out of the condom with a 3-milliliter syringe so I could measure it exactly both times. And by the end, I was cumming over 9 milliliters,

which, for those who don't know the metric system too well is a gargantuan fucking load like i'll say this so this is a vial of testosterone like a whole vial of it this is five dude i a huge i took it in greece and like a week or two in i was like guys you're wrong it doesn't take six weeks i can see the difference already and i could i thought i was telling the truth fucking hold on boys because six weeks in it'll be very different thing from two weeks in it does take a little while but it works and it's fucking i actually have more confidence so it's awesome i love i just think it's really cool that we actually made it happen and it's a thing i have told several people that I'm a jizzbiz motor my dad knows

yeah my family knows now too I think it's the kind of product that could make you a bunch of money nah we're not into jizzbiz for the riches we're out there trying to enhance the viscosity and the volume of our fellow man's load.

That's all it's about. It's magnanimous. We're in it for the little guy. Always have been. Always will be. Yeah, we need to get you a bottle and get you coming hard. I never really thought about how much how much i

mean you know you don't i was in the same yeah you never consider it so before we even made this product kyle more i'm actually much more i'm more interested in a longer organ than actually producing more cum you know that's what you think that's what you think i i kyle and taylor were experimenting before this was even a business idea which is fucking hilarious and I argued against it I was like do you even want more ejaculate are there any women out there that value more ejaculate the answer is yes and yes

I've said it before I'm married my wife sees these giant loads and she thinks that it is her accomplishment that's making this happen that she was somehow extra talented today to get it to shoot farther and longer yeah it's a nice boost for everyone involved it's a wholesome product i got so many questions so being that being said do you keep do you keep your

fucking you know is it in the come in this in the commercial for this product, after she says that, do you look at the camera and go, shh? Is it a secret or does she know you take it? She knows. In my case, she knows about the whole thing. I guess your wife would have to know about your business thing. She still takes pride as if it's her.

Yeah. It's a very positive thing. It's instinctive. her reptile brain thinks that she made all this happen wow when really it was tailored you're welcome jackie for the huge loads like i mean you were talking about negative side effects you're gonna have to do more loads of towels in your laundry that's the you know biggest you guys have very um pornish names woody and jackie jackie is a pornish name oh he means like jacking off oh yeah yeah i never even thought of it through i didn't look at it through that lens yeah jack and woody kind of the perfect

i mean considering you're and considering you're happily i'm assuming at least relatively happily married if you're still married you're the perfect, you're the perfect couple to push this product. I should star in the commercials as well. We haven't gotten rolling on the commercials. We're not sure which networks are going to air us. On the girl of mine web suit, there is this totally jacked guy holding the lock and load. I don't know when that happened or why,

or I don't even know who he is, but I'm proud to have him on our web page you know what i'm talking about he's brown hair dude he's i haven't i haven't seen the page since we added a guy are you looking at it now i'm opening it up right now yeah there's this huge jacked guy who's holding a condom and a bottle of cum pills i mean he's holding a condom he's holding the condom and some some cum cum pills. I mean, he's... Is he holding a condom? He's holding a condom and some cum pills. You know what? He's gonna need... Zach, can you find this? He's gonna need a stretchier condom to be safe.

It's gonna blow right through. He's gonna blow out the back walls of that condom. You guys could do a commercial, like a print commercial, like a photo commercial where it's just like almost all of her hair, she's just censored, censored, censored. Almost all of a naked woman She just censored, censored, censored. Almost all of a naked woman just censored.

I was pleased that somebody made this happen on the page. I thought it would just be a bottle, not Captain Handsome over there. Still sold out, but Monday. Monday we'll get it. And before we jump to anything else, we're going to hear from a couple of other wonderful sponsors. Lucy. This episode of PKA of other wonderful sponsors. Lucy. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Lucy.

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Nicotine is an addictive chemical. So head over to lucy.co and be sure to use that promo code PKA to get 20% off all products in your first order, including gum or lozenges. And as I said, cinnamon. Cinnamon is the flavor to go with. That's the best one in my opinion. This episode of PKA also brought to you by ExpressVPN.

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So check them out. Check out ExpressVPN. You want to be safe online. And check out Lucy. And of course. Lock and load. And we can't forget. Now our beautiful winter sweaters. Are sold out.

But we still have Woody over here. Modeling our wonderful scarf. You can wear it like a scarf. Or you can pin it up on your wall. Like those soccer hooligans do. For their favorite teams. modeling our wonderful scarf. You can wear it like a scarf or you can pin it up on your wall like those soccer hooligans do for their favorite teams. And Woody didn't get a hat, but I did. It's a wonderful hat stitched.

It keeps you warm. So check it out. High quality stuff. I like it. Hold the hat up again. Hold the hat up again. I should tell you. I have a green screen.

Hold it closer. Oh, does it not work? Yeah, it's a very nice hat. High quality stitch. There's parachutes on it. Yeah, there's parachutes on it. There's pills on it. There's a mic on it. All sorts of little goodies on there.

So check it out if that interests you. There we go. Alright. I might keep this on. Yeah, keep it on. You're going to get toasty because it's a high quality, well-knit sweater. It really is. It genuinely is.

We always get worried with merch stuff that it's going to show up and it's going to be a T-shirt with stuff printed that look like a sweater. But you'll wash it three times. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't let you finish your thought. But, yeah, I bought an ugly Christmas sweater like one or two years ago and it wasn't even a sweater. It was just online. It looked like a sweater. And then when I got it, it was like a sweatshirt with a sweater printed on it. It was bullshit. And, uh, I've, I've sold stuff years

ago from like, um, I don't know if it was Teespring what's the other one uh spread shirt spread shirt yeah and then like you wash it six times and it's not the same and it's yeah yeah spread shirt stuff where it's like they print it as you order it yeah yeah like you need someone else to do the fulfillment for you right nobody wants woody in charge of putting shit in boxes and mailing it. That is a terrible idea. Yeah. But, but,

uh, you also, they have to be good. So it's the balance. Yeah. Well, I've already washed mine once and it's holding up well. Cool.

So as you'd expect, you're really good, but you got a great voice and attitude for, uh, for doing the, the, the sponsors, the pro the, the reads. Oh, well, but you got a great voice and attitude for doing the sponsors, the reads. Oh, thank you. Even the way you just said that. Yeah.

Taylor reads on at least a 10th grade level. I pride myself on my reading. Just like, you give me a page, fucking I can read it. Pick a page, any page, and I can read it. It's in Spanish. Just the least impressive superpower. He can spell too. I can't get over his spelling.

That was like, I mean, that's what they had to do back in the day with the Bible, is there was just like one guy in town, usually a priest that could read, and he could just make shit up. Whoa. Like just full on make shit up. Whoa. Just full on make shit up. Like it says here, you're going to purgatory unless you give, you know,

15 pence to buy your, your uncle out of, out of purgatory. Sorry about that. There is nothing about purgatory in the Bible. That is whole cloth made up. Not true. There's nothing in the Bible that says if you're a middling person,

you're going to go to some weird blank room where you hang out for a thousand years and then you either get demoted or promoted. I thought heaven was whatever was perfect to you. That's not what the Bible says heaven is, does it? No, what the Bible says heaven is, is pretty horrifying. It's like there's a bunch of monsters and like God has a bunch like a thousand eyes and a lion head and all of eternity as you stand around and praise God forever. And I remember reading that as a kid in church and being like, I'm barely getting through an hour of Sunday school. I can't imagine. And then I thought like, what's hell? Is it like worshiping Satan for all eternity, except you're also hot? And then I learned like no you

satan isn't the king of hell satan's getting tortured alongside you by what i assume is like some sort of you know by god ford like uh you know like you know those uh conveyor belts like tom and jerry were just you know you know the axes are coming down i assume to be something like that like god would automate torture in his wisdom God comes off as a bit of a jerk sometimes he does he got cooler as the book went on like he gets better he's a nice character arc yeah I mean Old Testament God

he's like end of the series breaking bad like and then he kind of gets a little better still pretty rough in the New Testament. God sucks. Yeah. Like, the worst part about God

is that he's not real. And so someone made him up to be that flawed. Oh, and at the time, like... Well, I mean, I guess pretty much every mainstream God's pretty fucked up. Because, I mean, they all came from a long, long time ago where you had to have pretty strict rules. you think about it though we kind of got some

modern gods right like superman's almost like a modern god in a way is this made up thing that you know we kind of look to as an example or whatever obviously nobody worships fucking superman but you know what i'm saying if there's no afterlife facilitated by the figure i don't think that counts as god like superman isn't giving you an afterlife or anything. I'm sure there's a superhero that will. Like fucking Ghost Rider will take you to hell. Does that count? Guess not.

Anything to get Nick Cage back in that role. Anything. Get him the MCU. Get him paid. I feel bad. You feel bad for him? I mean, he's doing all these goofy-ass movies now. They're probably not going to put him in Marvel.

I mean, he used to be the Ghost Rider who is a Marvel character. Oh, I didn't know that was a Marvel character. Like within the last 10 years. The Ghost Rider is basically... Oh, he might be DC. I could be wrong about this. It's such an obscure character. I never remember. But anyway, he's like a motorcycle

riding Hellspawn whose head is like a flaming skull. It's real stupid. it's real stupid it's real stupid and he's a bad guy no he's a good guy no he's kind of like spawn no with todd mcfarland how he's kind of like taking his powers the devil gave him and kind of using them for good or whatever i keep scrolling past spawn on like the movies you may like on amazon prime but because you said it was so so, I've never gone in. Is it the animated one you're talking about?

It's the live action one. So what he's on point, the live action one really blows. The special effects just they didn't hold up back then. John Leguizamo acts as hard out as that fucking clown and Jay, I can't think of the black guy's name I'm bad at that

but um you're the best I've ever met at that no I mean black guy's names thank you for getting me there thank you I was like somebody will do it for me but he does a really good job too and um and then

uh the animated version though is excellent. It's on HBO. It's like a mini series. So think of it as like a four hour long movie, five hour long movie. It has titties and cock and brain matter and bad language. And like, it's, it's very adult. It's not just naughty words.

It's very adult. I want to say there's like children or cripples or old people getting murdered like like there's like things you would not see in your average animation it's it's very adult there's a sex scene that's like pretty like um that's the word i'm looking for obscene lude scene such a lame word lewd but yeah lascivious yeah it's dirty um it's real good though because spawn you can animate things the way that they should actually look you know and that the special effects back in the day looked awful but uh spawn's a cool fucking character the whole premise of spawn is cool and the whole genesis of the character you know how todd mcfarland broke away from the big comic

book companies and like made his own thing uh sort of a conglomeration of the characters he'd previously created and it was Spawn. And it's taken off and done so well. Supposedly, he's going to be very hands-on with the next movie, the Spawn movie. But I think the pandemic may have thrown a real wrench in that. I feel like I've been hearing about the Spawn movie for a long time.

Yeah. Did he come up with any other characters or just Spawn? So when he was working for, I don't remember if it was DC or Marvel, but when he's working for them, it's like a couple of characters that he worked on a lot. I don't remember if he had like created them, but he wrote for them a lot. I don't want to get it wrong. It's been a long time since I've read this.

Oh, no, you're right. Yeah, it says he worked on like the Amazing Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk, Haunt, whoever that is. That looks like Spider-Man too. Yeah. I haunt whoever that is that looks like spider-man too yeah i mean spawn looks a lot like spider-man yeah he seemed to yeah yeah he really likes spider-man a lot but yeah i highly recommend that i'm not gonna watch it what the fuck no i mean the new spawn yeah i'm gonna say skip the old one so a little break here you mentioned you went to a comedy class and the comedians wouldn't be impressed by that what

was the class like what did you guys do in it uh the comedy class um what did we do in the comedy class i don't remember uh sorry i was zoning out for a second thing it must make you get up there and do bits or like you practice it was more it was more the first the first like the first like day or two was uh kind of kind of thinking about how how a joke could be written you know i'm saying how to how to make how to how to turn shit into a joke you know like little tips like for example like if you have a if you have like like hmm like uh for example to just phrase everything in terms of say by saying you instead of i like if you see somebody go up on stage and tell a story like i went to the grocery store today and like i was in the cereal section and i saw this thing like instead of saying that you'd be like you know when you're in the cereal section and you see the thing and you know it's just like shit like that and you know writing things in terms of like everything has a premise and then an act out

you know like you have a premise and then you act out something funny that has to do with that premise the premise doesn't have to be funny you know i'm saying the premise can be fucking girls are different than guys whatever but then you just do act outs that you know go with that premise shit and then after that you just kind of like you just it's more like it was more like a group after the first couple days of like little tips was more like a group writing thing you know what i mean more just like 10 10 people getting together and trying to come up with a couple ideas to kind of kickstart you on your way to having three minutes worth of shit. You know what I mean? Did you like your classmates

or were they fucking annoying? I did. I'm still really good friends with a couple of them. Okay. I thought, I think I would hate them all. One of my one of my friend Orr, I met her in the class and since then I introduced her

to her husband and shit. Wow. Some interesting shit happened in that class. That's really cool. Just like people I met. You know what I'm saying? If I never would have taken that class, these people would never would have got married and shit.

Well, they should be thanking you. Well, we'll see. Unless they they get divorced then you're to blame it's like charlie wilson yeah what happened with charlie wilson so charlie wilson was a senator and he had this like a cia agent that he was with and he tells us charlie wilson's there's a famous singer named charlie wilson oh so at the end the the CIA agent tells a story and he says, oh, this kid broke his leg and the whole town was like, oh, that's terrible. But the wise man said, we'll see. And then the Afghanistan went to war or whatever. And the child didn't have to go because he had this wound and he was so fortunate.

And the guy said, we'll see. And then there was a bomb that dropped where the kid was and he would have otherwise been in a safer place and they said ah this is a tragedy and we'll see and that's the whole point you know like so these people got married how lucky they are well we'll see right well the wise man can really seems like he's getting a lot of credit we'll see wow that wise old man we we you know what we will see you know that's a good movie we'll see it is a pretty good movie yeah i haven't seen that one yeah it's back when um the taliban were the good guys that we were rooting for and america was arming them so what's the russians what's like that movie that that had

that like plaque at the end that was like this movie is dedicated to the brave freedom fighters of the muzha had rambo three maybe four randall's gonna know this kyle yeah i think you're talking about uh the brave muzha hadin uh and that was rambo three They later changed it to The Gallant People of Afghanistan, because that's more politically correct at post-9-11. Yeah. They went back and edited Rambo 3 post-9-11? That's wild. Just the post-film little text drop on the screen. It used to say,

thanks to the brave Mujahideen or or something like that because i and i'm guessing i never thought about it but maybe there's some fucking muzha hadin fighters in fucking rambo 3 because there are those big scenes of everyone riding the horses and camels and shit um that's not a good movie yeah back in the day safer these guys were heroes for taking on russia you know the they dared go against a superior force with nothing but bravery and then bravery and stingers supplied by the ia yeah and brand new toyota tacomas man these guys love to go compliments of chronic toyota come on by today lately i wish i wouldn't do that look at that there was some there was some article

i was i was looking at this was a while ago like during like when the taliban you know you know breaking free and conquering the country was all over the news it was like there was a guy who owned like a painting company in michigan and it was like joe's you know good time painting and like you know how they have on the side of the truck, it says Joe's painting and then his number and like just a little logo of a house with like paint on it. And this guy was like watching the news apparently. And his old truck drives by as part of a Taliban procession. And you can still see like Joe's painting company.

And he's like, the fuck? Get to Afghanistan. Some guy, some guy with an AK riding in the back of a truck. It is. That's what we should take away from this. Those are Toyota Tacomas. High quality vehicles.

There should be a picture of Osama there. It says terrorist choice. They should have life-size paper cutouts in the showroom. Yeah, it's in the showroom next to it. It could be dead Osama, though, with bullet holes. The Taliban

summer sales event. But anyway. I'm glad that'll never be on the news again. Oh, it will eventually. I haven't heard anything since they took over. Seems like it's going okay. No, then it's probably done forever. Yeah.

Wait, what are we talking about? The Taliban. The Taliban not being in the news. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure they're happy and prosperous now. They're like lifting weights in bad form, having a blast. To the gallant people of Afghanistan. There you are. I'm glad they are once

again under their ruling themselves as they should have i mean the bad shit happens all over the world just in some places we make it our problem yeah i saw a really good key and peel speech there's a key and peel uh uh episode where like they're both playing like local tribesmen talking to like a white american and they're walking and and they're like we are very sick and he's like yeah it's terrible we are very poor yeah i hate it we are hungry and he's like yeah that that's the worst we have oil you do oil operation golden freedom is a go you look up and the sky is suddenly filled with like every american aircraft imaginable it's like we have natural gas as well it's pretty on the nose yeah i'm sure you know anytime one of those little african countries

decides to like massacre 30 of their fucking population in the most horrific way imaginable because the tutus don't like the moomoos or something, then we don't really have much to say about that. But if something's happening over in the oil-rich regions of the world, I guess we do. And there's nothing wrong with that, I don't think, because they don't

have shit for us in Africa. Why do we care? Maybe if they cut us in on that diamond stuff, right? And I think the diamond stuff is like De Beers, like sitting on piles and piles of diamonds and only releasing little bits, right? Yeah, it's literally a monopoly. It's literally the definition of a monopoly.

If they released all the diamonds that they have already mined and cut, then diamonds would be worth what fucking nothing, like very little. They also invented the concept of getting a woman a diamond ring for sure dead diamonds are forever the beers did the beers invented that concept yeah yeah it's ridiculous it's pretty bizarre and you can't get a fucking away from it man it's like that shit's here to stay you know what i mean oh i can get away from it though you can't make me i mean you can't make you get married make it you can't make everybody do it but a lot of people are going to do it because i'm not gonna do it i'll get her fake diamond tell her it's real she

won't know she genuinely wouldn't nope yours didn't no she knows it's not a real diamond yeah it looks the exact fucking same and and it is 10% the cost. Come on, three months wages. What are you thinking? Isn't that another wild thing? I bet DeBeer's got that going, too. They had to have made that up. Three months wages. They had to have made that up.

That's ludicrous. You ever see the Office episode where Michael's like, he pulls out the ring that he's going to propose with, and she's like, holy shit! And he's like, well, they say three years' wages. So for him, that's like a $150,000 ring. Probably like $150,000 ring tops. But still, that's an incredible ring.

But yeah, three months' wages. Man, that could get steep for most people. You know? For a lot of people. I take it back. But yeah, three months wages, man, that could get steep for most people, you know, like for a lot of people. I take it back. It doesn't matter who the fuck you are. It's a lot of money. It's three months wages.

That's how they're calculating it. Like even where they're working at McDonald's or in a boardroom. Or Jeff Bezos buying a $2 billion diamond. What's three months wages on minimum wage? Minimum wage is what? Probably $30 a year. Lower than that. I don't think it's 30 a year man i think it's probably like 17 a year 17 a year that would be my guess i just know it's not good i know it's bad what state i guess especially here yeah they're getting like a 3300 ring or something yeah yeah which i don't know that's a huge amount of money if you're on minimum wage.

It's even worse to get through. Yeah, it's even worse. Yeah. Fuck all that. I wish Woody were here. I want to talk to him about his ring because he was young when he got married. He was like 19 or 20 or 21 or something like that.

So what was three months of woody wages back then and i wonder if he has he done the thing that like all successful guys do when like they they keep building on that ring as their like capital rises in the world but like people often start with this little ring and then like five year anniversary oh we're putting like eight more diamonds around this it's been a good five years and on and on what if it went the other way though too like if she hadn't like like honey you know you haven't been quite the wife that i'd hoped you'd been you hated it you couldn't support me well enough for me to keep the business open so blink blink blink you do that move like remember the cartoon robin hood whenever he goes to like kiss the guy's hand he's like he's like sucking the fucking

gemstones out of the ring i watched that movie a million times when i was a kid that's one of my favorites it's what made me want to get into like archery as a kid well part of it um but but yeah i love the robin hood that's what's one of the best disney cartoons i like aladdin i like the blind king yeah the music's great and roger forest climbing trees are trying to get away. Yeah. I watched Jungle Book through an entire VHS

to where it just was ruined and had to buy another one. Yeah. And then my brother tore that one apart, so I didn't get to watch Jungle Book anymore. But I loved that. What's the best song from Jungle Book? It was Bare Necessities.

The Bare Necessities, yeah. Simple Bare Necessities Yeah, I love that shit I wish they still made that old-timey Disney animation Not too old-timey Do you know how... Oh, I want it extra old-timey I think Little House... I always thought

that Snow White and the Seven Dwarves was a little progressive, frankly You go too far back, you got like Goofy and Blackface As he should be What are you going to gonna do find a black dog to play i don't think so i draw the line at men okay we're not gonna have a black dog so you gotta um i like your do you know how old uh snow white and the seven dwarves is when that was actually made i think it was like the 30s wasn't it it's like the 30s or the 40s. It's like so fucking old. I think that's the first one.

Yeah, it's forever ago. It was the first... Shit, there's a first for... Well, there was like Steamboat Mickey. That was the first animation. Steamboat Willie. Steamboat Willie, yeah. But it's Mickey. Whistling and riding a steamboat

down a river, I think. It's terrible. Not a very good cartoon. It's not funny at all. It's not funny. He's know like whistling and riding a steamboat down a river i think it's terrible not a very good cartoon not funny at all it's not funny he's just like whistling back and forth sidestepping put that side by side with the new south park pandemic special and it's just it's terrible still haven't even watched the new south park you should watch it it's pretty good it's pretty good i keep forgetting about it it's not bad i have any where is it again is on hulu where oh actually i think i'm i've got a bunch bad. Where is it again? Is it on Hulu? Oh, actually, I think I've got a bunch of shit, so I may have actually watched it on Paramount.

You probably have access to it. HBO may have it as well. I'd have watched it if I've scrolled by it, but I just haven't gone on the right app yet, I guess. Yeah, it's good. It's not great or anything, but it's in the future. The boys are like 35, 40-ish, something like that, and the whole joke is that the coronavirus is still a problem.

Like, it's still a problem. Because, yeah, it's pretty funny, though. There's a lot going on. Cartman is fucking hilarious. The Cartman shit was the funny part to me. That was the funny part. So, yeah, it's definitely worth checking out. That's often the case.

The Cartman storyline, generally, one of the funniest ones. He's just fucking evil. He's one of the most evil characters in all of tv oh he is he's despicable but that's why he's a good character like killing someone and feeding their parents to them whoa that's right i forgot about that so we've been sitting in silence for about five minutes we really wanted to ask you this question we were uh we're talking about uh wedding rings go on how we kind of think it's nonsense to the whole three months wages kind of thing to get it say three now it used to be two but carry on i could have sworn it was three everybody agreed with me when i said it so that's i i agreed with you but i'm being tentatively i thought I remembered two as well.

You were tentative. Yeah, I appreciate it. I wasn't going to disagree with you because you sounded very confident in it. I appreciate you. I was meant to. Later on, I got a whole thing about the Holocaust. I'm going to need your support there too. So yeah, like two months wages is still a lot of money.

We want to know what you did when you bought your engagement ring. Because Taylor told us what he did. He lied to his wife and got her a stolen ring. And obviously, I made my decision. Somehow, Taylor's thing is better than mine. So what happened was I had worked for this company, a railroad construction company, and they fired me. this company a railroad construction company and they fired me so i moved back home to live with my parents but i was eligible for unemployment like i was a real grown-up and i paid into whatever so i took my unemployment checks and i set them aside rather than spend the money

then i bought jackie's wedding ring with my leftover unemployment i got a new job okay two months i'll follow up that's what they say romantic story follow-up question um how much was the ring and over the years have you added on to the ring yeah so what happened was jackie used to visit me on the weekends and I'm super fond of her. So whenever she went, sometimes I would, I'd be like, just, you know what? You should take Monday off. And she's like, they are catching onto this pattern of me being sick on Mondays. I have to go back to work. And she went a couple hours away from me. sick on Mondays. I have to go back to work. And she went a couple hours away from me. And one weekend I was like, if you take Monday off, we will go engagement ring shopping. And she's like, fuck it. Feeling sick. So we went engagement ring shopping together. This is not normally how you buy engagement rings. It's sort of a surprise, but there was no surprise that we were getting married. We talked about it all the time. Most people wouldn't want their girlfriend to be like, when are you going to marry me? When are

you going to marry me? But for me, it was an encouragement thing. I liked it. I liked knowing that the answer to this, will you marry me was a lock. And that reassurance was always a positive thing. Anyway, we go out there and we were buying a ring and that reassurance was always a positive thing anyway we go out there and we we're buying a ring and we have a price range and the one that she really likes is like in the middle of the price range maybe it was eighteen hundred dollars this is way back in the day it's like 30 years ago still sounds like a nice ring look i don't know anything about like but there's more so this all right maybe the story's not killing it but what happened no no no no no it is we went to my paris and shopping we like found the ring that we liked

and then we went to the next one because they told us like don't fall in love with the ring they're all the same you know when you go right down the street you'll find one that is exactly the same to any normal person and she found up the price like she thought the ring was 1800 or something like that but it was really 21 after you added the ring itself the stone was 1800 so she went next door told him that like they're giving it to us for 1800 not knowing that she's being a shrewd negotiator lying about the competitor's price and they matched it and that's probably still made 800 profits probably little diamonds cost nothing

we literally just picked these rocks up out of the ground but okay you could do that so actually no woody that would cost money because we'd like to get. We have slave boys do it. Child soldiers doing it. We got the ring and then I think I took her to a nice place to eat and then we went to a Strawbridge Lake in New Jersey. A few of you that know it and I got down on one knee and I proposed. I bet I could find that spot

right now. You should go back there for New Jersey? No, hang on. What anniversary are we coming up on? Shit. 25-ish, 26, something like that. Dude, you should get her back to the bridge.

Yeah? Not if it's 26, then you have to wait four more years. You want to do it on a nice, even number. It needs to be divisible by five. You should surprise her at the bridge and propose to her again. It would be more of a surprise if it's a weird number. For your 27th

anniversary. It's even better actually. I was going to do this last year, but I thought you'd know it was coming. So I thought I'd deal with you upset for a whole year for this surprise. It was worth it. What is 25 because

i know they have like different things like this is your 10 anniversary they always suck like it's really cheap if you follow the official ones like i want to say silver is 50 or something like that yeah yeah and silver's cheap by the way like for jewelry's sake and like as long as you're not buying pounds of it like silver is a cheap metal got silver sitting around here somewhere you got a bar of silver sitting around i do that's cool how much like in weight i think it's just an ounce look at this fucker he's literally got a silver bar over here no 25th is silver oh okay there's there's there's a quantity wow an ounce i believe uh feels heavy or is it more it's an ounce it says one troy ounce does that mean anything to you oh the troy ounce jeremiah troy jeremiah troy that's a ton of a bitch he said we'll call them Troy ounces nobody will know the

difference they weighed eight tenths of an ounce god he made a kid what do you say did you do any of these traditional anniversary gifts because I'm looking at the whole list like I knew about gold being 50 silver is 25 but first is paper second is cotton cotton. Third is leather. Fourth is fruit or flowers. Fifth is wood. And then there's iron, copper, bronze, pot. Like there's a bunch of bullshit. I think you totally should. You should totally give your wife like fucking a ream of paper.

A ream of the highest quality card stock. I went all out. There's 500 pages here. Do you realize what you have? When she gets home, there's a trail of printer paper leading to the bedroom. Who eats in the kitchen?

Get to work. It's funny. 60th is diamond and then 75th is also diamond because, like, who are we kidding? Yeah, right, right. So Jackie's ring uh was garbage by the time as time passed like the the diamonds fell off the side of it like i knew i thought it

was kind of cool there was like an engagement ring and a wedding ring that sort of it's like a v in them like a lightning bolt almost yeah yeah so they fit next to each other and i thought it was nice but they became way out of round and they were like little things stones missing or whatever and i always thought that her like she had the kind of engagement ring that 22 year olds might buy you know like it wasn't really high end and i was like that bullshit ring is the sign of a long marriage. You know, if you were to have, you know, the kind of ring that a multimillionaire would buy you, then that's like second marriage. You know, I think this one is the cool thing. She did not line up with that way of thinking. And a few years ago, we got her a ring that she would like.

It cost a lot. It's big. Turns out she wanted the big one. Turns out she likes fucking fat sapphires that make the other women be like, ooh. So the original diamond ring was turned, I think, into a necklace that looks nice. And now she wears a fat sapphire ring that looks like she's my second wife.

Like she's Carmela Soprano. Yeah, okay. Remember that big fucking... What was it? It wasn't an amethyst. It was a... Some precious stone, but I remember Carmela had that enormous... Could it have been a sapphire? It was a sapphire. It was a gigantic blue sapphire. Dude, they might have the same ring i think jack i i love what tony tony's girlfriend

saw after he saw it he's like then maybe you buy me a big fucking gaudy ass ring for your goomba wife she was the best that's my that's my favorite uh one of tony's girlfriends the one who was like crazy who threw the meat at him that night. She's like, I'll go to Columbia. I'll tell your daughter about us. She didn't give a fuck. I don't know this show like you do, but it sounds good. It's so good.

I think you did the right thing. I think getting the nice ring later, that's how it should be. This shit has been working. This relationship deserves a nice ring i also think the first thing you said i i i think that if you looked at wedding rings that are 1800 or lower i think if you looked at marriages that started like that versus marriage that started with fucking million dollar diamonds i guarantee you the divorce rate is higher on the million dollar diamonds one you know what i mean for sure yeah yeah yeah probably so otherwise i don't know it um

no don't do that either don't say anything that hurts my feelings kyle i would never hurt your feelings okay there was that one time you made fun of paramotors i'm still stuck on it wait that one time you picked this hobby okay there was a big book of hobbies and then and as you flip through them the dude that was doing doing them got weirder and weirder as you kept flipping and you didn't stop it started out with some dude like yeah brah and he's like he's on he's a skateboard and a fucking joint in his mouth and tony hawk's in the background getting a blow job. And you just kept fucking flipping until you got to the middle aged man with a fan on his back.

OK, it's true. It's like you were reading like one of those toilet books that you had before we had phones. But it was like the hundred best hobbies. And the guy who's writing is like, all right, golf, tennis. And then he's at like ninety six. He's like counting, breathing, paramotor. This is like, counting. Breathing. Paramotor?

This is real. Perfect. Taking one from the last page. Do you remember those? You'd go to people's houses or you'd be in your own house to shit and they would have a little basket with all the magazines and the books in there. That is disgusting looking. We should just have a laptop stand in front of the toilet.

That's the way it should be. There should be a little end table there that you can put it down. Or just like a little TV in the wall and you got a local remote. And hey, if you want to talk to us, the webcam's always on. We'll be on the other end down here. You're like casting yourself to your family tv while you're shitting how's it going in there you're like not bad we're remodeling the tv idea is hilarious to me i kind of good idea um i really want a tv so that i can sit in my bathtub and have it like right

there i've been um because i'm like so close to moving or not moving i keep not doing it but i even have the tv and the arm to mount it but i really want to be able to sit in the bathtub and have the tv like right above my feet as i'm sitting there because i soak in the fucking tub for like do you still do that i know you did it during your wake yeah yeah we got yeah i'll get acne if i don't like like if i don't get my i stopped doing it for a little while and i started getting more back acne it's really good for my skin i guess huh is it you're soaking do you put something in the water like yeah lots of epsom salt um i do that amazon thing where they automatically bring it and um i literally have a stack of boxes that's seven feet tall like it's taller than me of epsom salt cases of it one month maybe um i have been suspending it for

months now um the problem is every now and then it's good that i'm ahead because what used to happen is like i'd go through it and then i'd be waiting on the next shipment now i'll never run out so like but yeah i put like three to five pounds of that in the tub at 105 degrees and uh and you know listen to my mystery stories and uh put my spancy shampoo in that derrick gave me and i sit there for a fucking hour every day so i need a tv in there because yeah that would be really boring sitting there for an hour no tv well you know i sing to myself tell stories i uh i've tried to bring a laptop to the bathtub i'm not kidding it's sketchy, man.

Like there isn't a good platform to put it on. So it's on the side and it's tippy. They make easels for this. So first they make like a desk attachment, the same kind of arms that would hold a monitor up and allow you to like move around. They make one that's like an easel that's tipped forward and the bottom of the laptop kind of goes into a tray and it just presents your laptop in a really nice way.

Is it kind of like, have you ever been in a hospital and they have that kind of table that swings over your belly to eat? Is it a similar concept? No, not exactly though. I do like that. I do like that. I want one of those in my life but no it's not quite that but I just lost my complete train of thought you were explaining the laptop easel and I'm not sure what it sits on because an easel sits in the tub with you

when I'm concerned oh no I think you'd want it on like a tray with some wheels or something you could attach it to that but normally it bolts to a desk the same way that monitor arms do I don't know I saw them on a desk the same way that monitor arms do. I don't know. I saw them on Amazon when I was buying my monitor arms. I have one of those cheap things that is like wood with a little back leaning thing on it that you just lay across the top of the tub.

And then it has a little book stop so you can put your book there. Oh, wow. Like an old gentleman. Like an old gentleman. Exactly. It's got a little area. Cigar in there smoldering a bit of cognacac it's got a cup holder in it for my zevia i got my soda or my water whatever i'm having yeah it's nice ashtray too you could i just smoke in my own

house it's a bathroom bathroom you can you got you got plenty of ventilation in there you shit in there we bought one of those hospital tables but it's nice it's like homey and wooden not industrial looking like a hospital for when we cared for my mother-in-law i don't know where it is but man i could be infirmed let's go i bet that that old bed of hers got some action in it too i mean you barely used it i bet it can get into all sorts of sexy positions you know that thing into the big house. When she had to move to a bed like that, it was a rental. Have you ever seen those... Oh, even better. Let's get it back in there.

Have you ever seen those baths that are for people with disabilities? The baths that are for them? Yeah, it's like you sit in it and then you close a locking door and you're in seated position and you just fill up the tub like from the seat. That seems like a million times more pleasant.

Dude, it seems like a disaster. First of all, cool way to take a bath. I want one of those crib baths. Second of all, seems like a disaster waiting to happen because if that door ever comes unlatched, you're dumping 50 gallons of hot water just into your home in one big sploosh. It's a it's a way it's a tidal wave that's just going under the door into the living room like filling the whole fucking house it's not one of those leaks that like slow you can like slow down i would hope that like there's some sort of sensor that you can't just open it and it bursts oh i'm sure there's a

mechanism in place but everything fails i like um i've never done the crippled or what do you call it bath but i want one or i want to try it next i'm going to look into that but i always do the crippled shower at the uh at the hotels and stuff you just walk right in the seat yeah no it's got the seat wait you can walk into any shower what do you mean no no just stick with me here like there's nothing to step over like like it's completely flat with the floor like you just walk because like you know they can't have you ever been in the showers where the shower area isn't properly distinguished from the non-shower area like there's no walls yes it's weird yeah i feel very third world i feel exposed in it even though i'm the only person in the whole damn hotel room it's like i stayed in a hotel this is actually the dance competition and the the shower was like a centerpiece in the whole damn hotel room it's like i stayed in a hotel this is actually the dance competition and the the shower was like a centerpiece in the middle of a pretty fancy room and i'm just like

fucking helicoptering in the midst of this open room with no walls and no nothing feeling really exposed yeah you feel really exposed because you're so used to like being enclosed in your shower like like and it didn't warm up like you're so used to being enclosed in your shower. And it didn't warm up. What's the shower temperature? Like 115? No, way lower than that. I think low hundreds, like 105, somewhere in there.

Like boiling hot. All I know is that when I put a hot tub. I think 212. I don't want to call myself that. As hot as it'll go. I want to say I always put the hot tub on like 104 and it was like you didn't just jump in you lowered yourself in you were like oh it's fucking hot i feel like my hot water heater is set to 140 and of course yeah yeah yeah oh and the pipes themselves probably anyway so well whatever it is we'll make it. That is still a warm air temperature when it steams up and such.

Yeah. When you don't have walls, it's like 75. Like it doesn't really warm up. Yeah. I like the last Airbnb I was in had a ridiculously nice shower. I don't know how many jets there were. They had done something custom. It felt like I was in a rainstorm.

I stayed in an Airbnb and I had a similar but opposite experience. It had so many jets and options and things, but it sucked because you couldn't use them at once. Did you display? Okay. Yours might've been better, but mine had so many dials that I could barely figure out which one worked, which, and if you had say two or three of them on, they all had like prostate problems, just sort of dribbling out. I like the, uh, I like the out. I like the cock nozzle. There's always that one that's just supposed to spray you right in the groin. I like that one. And I like

when like overhead, there's just like that gigantic thing that the rains are in. Rainforest, I've heard it called. I'm not a fan of those. I don't think... So we're redoing our master bath now, and I think we're going to skip that. I want my showers to feel vaguely like being waterboarded. I want to be a little afraid at times from the steam and the mist.

I want mine to have so much water pressure that it's an option, but it should be able to hurt. Yeah, it should be able to hurt. I want the water to go hot enough to hurt, too. I've stayed at places where they turn their water heater down to the point where it can't hurt and it's like what do you got children in here like you're saving three dollars you don't think i can't i know how to turn it back up speaking people saving three fucking dollars what's with those assholes at the gas station that turn the refrigerators up to like 75 degrees my house is colder than this pepsi you have some shitty gas stations around you i've never had to buy a hot soda from a gas station

well they sell delta eight so there's that going dude my gas station has 800 kinds of delta eight and warm fucking diet pepsi it's it's very exciting dude the gas station that's closest to my house is so low brow i don't like that it's only a few miles from my house but i haven't had to buy Delta eight. I'm sure they have it. That's the upside of a gas station that has people that play loud music while they fill their cars. They have so bad business.

My, my gas station sells Delta eight, my gas station sells Delta eight, but the people who go there sell weed. So you can get whatever you want. That parking lot. Every time I fuel up i'm like i mean are they smoking it here like like they're literally smoking weed at the gas station it's

a little rough there's yeah there's a real mix at my gas there's like soccer moms next to people who've been to prison nice well hey my, Hey, my bad. I'm sorry. We are a very sensitive group of people. And when you marginalize us that way, especially in front of such a large audience like this, it's, it's, I didn't think about what I was. Well,

I vote that it's not inappropriate. What do you, what do you vote? Kyle, you can't vote. I know that I know. They sent me a letter. They sent me a letter

letting me know I shouldn't. It's a crime now. It's a crime. No more votes. I'm never voting again in solidarity but for real though if i were to go like vote like i think it's a serious fucking crime like i think i would like actually go back to prison i'm surprised by how big a deal that is because one vote is not that important but oh don't say that out loud. Jesus Christ.

They've been looking at the last election very carefully. Election fraud was a popular topic. And now I'm seeing the people that did vote more than once are getting in big trouble. Or the people that voted on behalf of their dead spouse and stuff like that. Fucking Biden supporters. I wasn't going to make it political. It's totally none of them. You always make it political it's totally none of them why were you well you always make it political you know that's more fun that way it's all trump supporters it turns out it was all trump supporters that's and it's all small scale it didn't make a difference right but it's just literally just people who are in a cult voting twice trying to do everything they can

yes sir well i mean he's coming back it doesn't he is yeah he'll come back he's the favorite to win you said right based on that um i want to say it was uh plus 300 or negative 300 whichever one i'm always i can't remember which one is which but it's it's the one where you know you bet 100 you win 300 it helps everybody else was like i want to say say Biden is 550 or 600. So he's like, Trump is literally twice, they believe that Trump is twice as likely to be elected as Biden is. I follow basketball and I feel like there's a parallel here. On the West, there will be a handful of good teams. It's very hard to predict who wins the championship or who represents the West in the championship. But whoever does probably wins.

On the East, for years, it was like, oh, the team LeBron is on is totally going to win. It'll be Miami. It'll be Cleveland. It'll be whatever. But LeBron will make it to the East championship game. He always had a good chance to win because a big part of winning it is just getting to the finals. Once you get to the finals, even though people think you're the fourth best team you'll have maybe the first best odds because you're guaranteed to get there yeah that totally makes sense he's got basically i think they're saying that trump's gonna get that to

the show no matter what if he wants on the republican side whereas biden biden is so like up in the air whether he is even i'll say this he might be dead i think we all agree that trump that trump aged rather gracefully while in office and it's probably because of his makeup regimen uh but but still like in the weight gain like as the wrinkles are increasing the weights like filling out yeah canceling wrinkles but but i think we all agree like as far as for four years of presidency it didn't wear on him that severely physically like the way it did obama like obama didn't look as well bush bush was like a kid i thought like his first time when he was running against gore that first time obama too it was like look at this slick young guy like running against like this fogey al gore when in reality i bet they're not all that far apart in

age like they probably enjoy the same shit i don't know bush is a cocaine kid and gore gore is definitely a bore gore is against bad words and rap music exactly that that's kind of my feeling about that i think i think bush is a lot cooler than gore but he seemed young and slick but then after four years especially since 9-11 was amongst them like he wasn't looking as young and slick eight years i mean just after the first four after that 9-11 like the first time around um trump did pretty well but uh i saw biden the whole point of this me bringing this up is i saw biden like yesterday and i hadn't seen him recently um and it was sort of a candid shot from a youtube it was the screenshot it was the screen it was the thumbnail of a youtube video but it was a thumbnail of a youtube video but it was his his profile and he had so many liver spots

and and looked so he had that really speckly old people skin that looked bad like papery yeah like like that paper thin old people skin that's sort of like leopard print almost at this point with liver spots and and and just like you know like like they get like scrapes and the scrape never actually heals right it just leaves a dark place on their skin yeah yeah they're just like past the point in life where you can heal yeah yeah i can't tell what reality is right like you could take biden and make him look worse you could take during trump's reign i'll call it a leadership period whatever people would fuss at how he drank water, how he needed to use two hands, how he struggled to walk down that incline ramp.

I don't know. Shit, you could probably watch me day to day and find something I do old fogey-ish and make a big deal out of it and twist the truth. Is that what happened to Trump? Is that what's happening to Biden? When I see a good-looking football

that are that old, I always assume they picked it because that's the good one and then when i see the candid shot of them looking ancient i'm like that's probably the real one the one that didn't get touched up and messed with i look at who's putting it out there i saw cnn did sarah huckabee sanders wrong and it was Chris Cuomo. He was talking to her. And for some reason they showed her picture and Chris like stopped it and goes, Hey, we can't find a better picture than that. Like he was trying to give her a fair shake.

Now Sarah Huckabee Sanders, not a pretty woman. It's a bad picture of her, but this was extra. They like CNN kind of did her dirty and found she might've been mid word. Like, you know, and, and they, they use that she might have been mid-word like you know and and they use that as her picture and instead of you know maybe a shot the white get it off the white

house red website or something yeah and uh yeah it is nonsense it's unfair um but i can do the both sides do it but but whatever so i when i see a bad picture i'm very skeptical of who put it up yeah it was you see like a fox news photo of biden and he looks already dead it's just the crypt they just show the gravestone when you see one there like see a cnn one it's like did they put hair back on him like what's going on he's dancing i i think it's a little bit of both i I think he's far too old to be leading. I'll say this. I wouldn't put Biden in charge of my cum pill business. If I needed someone to make sure that the cum pills got in the hands of the fans, okay?

That on Monday, when Derek releases the cummy floodgates, as it were, I couldn't trust Joe Biden to be the man at the switch there's no way and yet he is the man at with the button he just seems far too old but uh i'll say this like if you if you slap joe biden in the mouth do you think he'd fall absolutely he's 80 years old i don't want a president who can't take a slap in the mouth i feel like on the other hand i think trump can take a slap in the mouth that's not even the hardest i've been slapped actually what are you a bitch i like this little bitch slapping me i've had three women slap me today

harder than that. Have you seen the size of this ass? I'm like a weeble wobble. You knock me down, I'd back up. That's what he looks like. His big, giant... That picture of him playing tennis and the size of his ass is one of the funniest things. You must hate that picture.

That must be... That's the funniest picture. I wish he'd lean into it. I wish he'd put that picture up at one of his rallies and be like, can I get a good laugh? My squat numbers are tremendous. Vote for

a president with a badonkadonk. Zach, put up Trump's ass playing tennis. What if Trump can legit deadlift a thousand pounds? Then we would appear foolish. It's pretty unlikely. Yeah, not likely.

Let me ask you this then. What if he came out, he had the chalk, up from the stage, rises, the fucking Olympic barbell, thousand pounds on it. He doesn't even say anything. He just points to the... Is that the Fibonacci sequence? pounds on it. It doesn't even say anything. He just points to the middle. Is that the Fibonacci sequence?

Euclidean geometry? What are we looking at here? That's the golden ratio. It is a perfect ass. You can see he's a whitey-tighty man. You can see his underwear. At least during tennis. I don't know. It's not all that big.

It's really that he's just fat. Like, it's not... I wish I could see it completely from the side. It's a big wide ass for sure. Yeah, his head isn't as fat as your ass would have him believe. I guess he is leaning forward and you're getting it from the back. It's like a perspective thing

too. Like a hopping thing. His face looks extremely determined in that shit. Like, he looks like... That's what I was going to say, Wax. That's my president. That's what I was going to say, Wax. He looks like he's at the fucking, like, Wimbledon or something like that. Like, he's trying so hard in this picture.

Do you think he's one of those guys who takes things like that seriously? He's definitely the kind of dude that he wants to win at anything he does. If you're playing ping pong against him, he'd be cheating. He cheats at ping pong type of dude. I've heard he cheats at golf. That's one of the talking points that people

like to use. Of course, it's not true. I'm willing to believe all of these old people. I can say that with certainty. Look at that. What a good shot. Yeah, suck it right

here. I don't care. I wonder how heavy he is right now. Let's estimate here. I see him in a suit oftentimes, and they're really flattering. And they make everyone look their best. Honestly, this picture here, he does not look as fat as I remember him. Right here, he's about 255 pounds.

Keep in mind, he's 6'7". He's 487 pounds. No, he's 255 there. I would bet a lot of money. If he's 6'2", I bet he's 255 there I would bet a lot of money If he's 6'2 I bet he's 275 Look at his belly 275

Look at his belly like he's not that girthy He's got the love handles He's thick though He's got more ass than other people at his body He's a wide built guy So there's more room to disseminate that. He's wide in the chest, wide in the hips. He's got thick thighs.

I think he's heavy. But 255 is not light. I'm going to put him at 265. Yeah, he's right in there. I don't think that's overshooting it too much. I think he's right in that range. But we're not talking about a 300-pound man here. Yeah, for sure.

Definitely not 300 pounds. God, is he sexy. Look at that hair. The locks. You know what? You can see the muscle striations in his back when he's... When he's pouring down that club. I don't see any muscle striations.

You think those are wrinkles in the shirt? He's wrinkling fucking reality. Zoom in more, Zach. That's how powerful the man is. Look at what he's talking about. Dude, it looks like... Oh, my God. Look at the muscle striations dude it looks like oh my god one of those hats it looks like if you were to take his hat off the wig would come off with it like it'd be like

like a joke trucker hat i see that hair is hockey hair he's got flowing locks this is freaking hockey he should be playing he looks like what are the kids names from the from the slapstick movie the brothers the brothers from slap shot they all have the brothers called fucking smash brothers it doesn't matter but yeah yeah yeah he's got those long locks no i hope trump runs again because i love the cult of trump it's entertaining as fuck i like the memes i heard a guy the other day i think it was the guy who's like the leader the former leader maybe the proud boys and he was like they think we're violent violence is in our tool he's like our tool is can't remember what the first thing he said was togetherness maybe but the second thing was he was like our

tools are our weapons are togetherness and our memes and i was like you know he's right those memes are great like i don't know how many times taylor and i have sat around for like an hour at a time watching those old trump compilations like stoned as fuck watching like like the the fucking maga train ride by and he's on the front of it with like a top hat and an eagle on his fucking shoulder and shit like all of the all of the like one-liners in the getcha moments like compiled with like air horns and stuff i wasn't on the trump train i was on the outside it's like the train's having so much more fun than the hillary train it's like a fucking circus train you guys have lines and memes and frogs and shit and we're over here like i'm with her and meanwhile it's like you have to vote for me

it's my turn right we're gonna break my glass ceiling you know what the q anon people think about that they think she's being literal about breaking a fucking dome they think we're in a fucking dome those psychopaths oh that's fun yeah no it's not where does the dome end don't ask me made-up questions you want me to tell you like what well someone will find the edge of it at the end of the fucking rainbow i don't know but yeah you're absolutely you nail it woody like that election cycle 2016 it was fun to be on the trump train and just be like man our guy's funny our guy doesn't care like our guys reddit karma being handed out for just saying pro-tump. You get like 10,000 upvotes.

That was another thing. Watching the Donald subreddit be like a significant power on the global internet. It was so fucking big. And then all of his rallies. CNN having to cover those rallies was so funny. Because Trump knows that CNN is covering them. And he knows that there was probably a preamble and now we're going to go live to the racist bigots show he's like i see cnn's tuning in i guess their cameras light up and he's just like won't you pan those cameras around you always show my crowds like there's 50 people like it's a hillary show panama and then the crowd's just like like lock her up wasn't that one of those things like hours i think there was actually

thousands and all the fucking uruk-hai are chanting it's like that the trump supporters are banging their spears and you're like man i just i don't think i don't think she's gonna win i thought that was a clip where it was like he was up there's like look at this folks cnn not even gonna show the crowd look at him turn it around show the crowd show what we've got it's shame they won't do it won't do it because if you're watching cnn and they don't pan that camera you're like well i think they are trying to hide something let's see what they're doing on Fox News. And you go to Fox News and they'd be like...

Fox, they're showing it looks like the last battle in Minas Tirith. There's Lord of the Rings. I just don't know the battles by their weird names. By their correct historic names.

There's Battle of Helm's deep and then the other ones are just located by where there's menas tirith you know the the white city which one is the minas tirith is the really tall white city uh that happens at the very last movie um they're they bring out grond or whatever that big wolf head thing i ran in the door yeah okay yeah so that's how you describe it. It's the wolf head one. The wolf head one is the proper name. They got all the trolls playing drums.

I remember watching that and there were the trolls whose only job was to play drums. Seems like an enormous misuse of resources. I got shook. You'd see the arrow guys like, take down the troll! Not the drum one. you'd see like the arrow guys like take down the troll and it's like

not the drum one like kill the one that's banging the shit into your door I got shushed me and my buddy were watching Return of the King we were like 16 or 17 I choose to believe you got hushed

we got shushed I swear like me and my friend Blake are sitting there and that part happens taylor where he comes up and the troll is playing this enormous set of drums or maybe just one drum and my friend goes who makes the drums and i just go who does make the drums it's ridiculous no one would devote resources to and this guy goes shh we're trying to watch. And I'm like, the drums. I didn't say that to him, but I wanted to.

I was real mad because it wasn't important. There was no dialogue. It was all just like chanting and drums and shit. Oh, that's such a great scene. I need to watch that again. I love that. Are you a Lord of the Rings guy at all, Wax? What are your go-to fantasy movies, if you have any?

If that's your genre. I've never seen any of the Lord of the Rings guy at all, Wax? What are your go-to fantasy movies, if you have any? If that's your genre. I've never seen any of the Lord of the Rings. Never seen them. Oh, man. Missing out. They're very good. How about Marvel? Superhero, Marvel. I've seen some of the Marvel shit recently because I have nephews that love Marvel.

Jesus, what do you watch, Wax? I can't... These are popular things you haven't seen yeah it's kind of weird that i haven't seen the lord of the rings thing i haven't seen any harry potter movies uh every time somebody makes a harry potter have you seen star wars i've seen star wars and i like i do like star wars. Yeah, not a big... To be honest with you, I don't know. As soon as I watch something that's fantasy, I'm like, well, that couldn't really happen.

You have to go. I don't know. When I'm sitting in my house and I decide to watch something, I generally watch a documentary. What are the subjects you're interested in, like music stuff? I watch anything that's on Amazon Prime that's like a biographical music documentary. I've seen pretty much all those, all the Motown ones, all the Parliament Funkadelic ones, all the old rock band ones. You know, everything.

And I like Amazon Prime because Amazon Prime has shit that is pretty much YouTube level shit. You know what I mean? They had a documentary on Van Halen that I watched where they were interviewing guys that lived down the street from them when they grew up. They didn't know them. They were like, yeah, I lived

down the street from them when they used to practice growing up. That's his whole interview. that's the whole shit yeah guys i gotta i gotta be out man i got okay and i didn't i guess y'all's podcast is long it's pretty long but i remember long you know we got another 50 minutes so where can everybody find you find all your stuff the links will all be below where Where should they, where should they go? Yeah. Okay. The main thing,

the main thing is if you like, if you like music, if you like a fun rap music, you can go to Spotify and look up wax. There's a bunch of people named wax, but somehow I'm the guy that I must be the one that pops up. Usually when you search wax, I'm on YouTube,

youtube.com slash wax. I'm at big wax on instagram at big wax on twitter uh go to youtube and just type in like wax rapper and you can find shit from me and all right yeah yeah but yeah i guess i guess i was i was i was i actually do that somewhere i gotta be of course of course you're fine yeah We don't expect people to sit around with our dumb asses for four hours. I like your Christmas background, by the way. Thank you. Trying to get

into the spirit. I appreciate you having me, y'all. Thanks, man. See you later. Kyle's not back yet. We can talk about hockey. How are my hurricanes doing? Hurricanes first in the Metropolitan Division. And if I recall correctly.

How are they in the East? In the East, they're third. But that's only because the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Toronto Maple Leafs have played more games than them. So, like, when you look at point percentage, Carolina's number one, and that's kind of the more important metric if you ask me. Obviously, a team that has two more games played is going to be doing better than Carolina if they're also strong. But my second favorite team, I've said, obviously, Blue's number one.

I like Tampa Bay Lightning as number two because I've been to their games because my dad lives in Tampa. But they've won the last two, and I don't want the same team winning three times in a row, so I think I'm going to go in on Carolina. If someone from the East wins, I want Carolina to be the winner. No Tampa Bay, definitely not Toronto. Well, you know what? If it's not Carolina, I would be cool with Toronto because I feel really bad for their fans. Like it's the most hockey obsessed place on the planet. They haven't won in 54 years, 55 years. They literally haven't won it since the league became like a real thing. Like you can't count Stanley cups from before 1967.

There were six teams that doesn't count. I have this reoccurring fantasy, right? What if I was a superhero, right? And almost any superhero, if you're Thor, if you're Spider-Man, if you're Spider-Man, if you're Spider-Man, not even using your web slinging powers, you are such a good athlete. You could single-handedly carry any team to any championship. I don't care if it's a football team, a hockey team, a water polo team, Spider-Man can get it done for you. So if you have that level of power,

whose fan base would you choose to bring joy to? This is my fantasy. If I'm Spider-Man, I want to go to Toronto and play hockey for them and just be like, guy, every time you pass me the puck, there's a 94% chance there's a goal. Yeah. Let's play. Good odds. You're winning every game by seven.

You really have to decide how much you want to win by you would have to like if you played goalie as spider-man you would have to like actively every once in a while let some in so it wasn't absurd and people didn't think you were cheating somehow i'd be like every once in a while you'd have to you can't go 82 and oh toss like 20 losses in there 30 losses in there what is the record for shutouts because you might want to get it real quick yeah in a row in a row next year i'm going to dominate the nba so i'm going to go ahead and knock out hockey real quick i would go i would get i would get the st louis blues nine cups in a row and and and just to establish the most dominant dynasty of all time and then i would go to toronto win them a couple cups in a row and you win win Toronto cups. This is like an 11-year plan.

Oh, I'm going to play for 40 years. I'm going to beat Jager for 40 how. And if you win the cup and you're the single-handed guy for Toronto, you'll be a legend forever. There will be statues of you, not just outside the rink. People will be getting lost in downtown Toronto because everything will be called taylor street every single one they'll be just i walk in there i'll never never mind not paying for another beer in my life i'm never paying for rent i'm not paying

for anything like people are throwing goodies at me so definitely hooking up the toronto maple leaves for the cup if i'm spider-man for sure i like yeah that's a good plan buffalo sabers too they've been going through a tough time you know what that's what i would do i would i would make sure the chicago blackhawks never won ever again and buffalo they they deserve a little bit of something i would go to the teams that have never whatever team you're on you're making sure that all the other teams never win ever again i wouldn't yeah dallas nope you're not getting a cup with me minnesota no chicago no did you follow formula one at all no i've never followed formula one but everybody's getting into it so maybe i'll look just wrapped up

and it's literally been the most exciting interesting season in formula one ever and so i'm a new formula one fan so i'll fuck up about 10 of this but there's this guy lewis hamilton came from a middle class family which is a real problem in motor racing right because you want to come from a wealthy family that gave you an advantage so that you can dominate on the go-kart level get noticed you work your way up through the different formula 3 2 e whatever lewis hamilton got there with talent which is pretty impressive you know i'm not saying he had bad cars but he got sponsored they noticed that this guy was something special and he he always did well he makes it to the formula one level and he wins championships with maybe alfa romeo i'm not positive mclaren it doesn't matter but he got on the team with the best car which the best drivers tend to find themselves

there but then something rare he switched teams when they got the best car mclaren's access so thank you for that so he was with mclaren he won a couple championships and then he switched to mercedes and then they had the best car and he was with McLaren. He won a couple championships and then he switched to Mercedes and then they had the best car and he won some championships and the guys won seven championships, not in a row, but like seven of the last eight championships he's won, which is the most ever. And then the second best team is Red Bull. And I think they've been the second best team for at least two years now. I'm not sure.

And this young Dutch dude Verstappen is making a run at him. And I've been watching all season long. And it seems like every time Verstappen has, it makes a little mistake. It's very punishing in the points. Like it hurts him in his standings. Every time Lewis Hamilton makes a mistake, somehow it doesn't hurt.

Like there's a safety car that comes out and bunches them all back together and gives them a saving grace. And they're like tied in the standings for Stappen has the tiebreaker, which is interesting. But I think they had the exact same number of points coming into the last race. Whoever does better in the last race wins. Verstappen is driving like a fucking madman. And there's this under... So he can't

intentionally crash them both, although that's happened in Formula One history. But if they do crash and they both get out, well, fuck it, I win. And they look at this stuff with a very close lens. And they have all

the metrics on what he did with the wheel and the pedals. And so you can't get away with it, but if it happens, then he wins it anyway. So they go into the last race and, uh, they're trading first place first and second, first and second,

these guys trade first and second and almost every race all year long. And, uh, there's an accident with like three laps to go, and they do a controversial thing, because this isn't how they always handle it. They put the safety car out there. They take all the lapped cars, the unimportant cars,

and they let them pass the safety car. They're like, just get the fuck out of the way. We're letting the two fucking big dogs race this out. Lewis Hamilton had a dominant lead. Gone. His lead is gone. Now Verstappen is right behind him. On top of that, Verstappen was able to stop and get fresh tires, which is a huge advantage, and Lewis

Hamilton didn't. If he stopped and got fresh tires, he would have given up first place and Verstappen didn't have first place, so he could do it and get his spot back. With one lap to go, with three miles left there are like i don't know how many formula one races there are but i'm calling it like 26 or something like that it comes down not just to the last race but the last lap of the last race

hamilton has an advantage in that he's in front verstappen has an advantage in that. He has fresher tires go. And it takes about half a lap and Verstappen passes Hamilton in the very last race and prevents him from being the eight time world championship wins his first world championship. And, and as you said, formula one's getting popular. This is newbie fans like me.

And it just so happens that as all these new fans come on board, we got the best season, the most interesting, closest season in Formula One history. It was incredible. And some people feel like Verstappen was given too much of a chance, right? Because he was kind of far behind and the safety car brought him together and gave him fresh tires but uh i maybe this is just me rationalizing but with the way there was a race where lewis hamilton's teammate managed to crash into both red bull drivers at the same time and knock them both out of the race and hamilton gets first and it's like, the fuck did, did people think it was on purpose? I did, but the world thinks I'm dumb.

So, uh, I don't know if, if even purposeful accidents are a thing that happened in formula one. I didn't know. They definitely are, but, uh,

that's not how people saw this incident. Um, but I do think like, and I think it was two races in a row that he was screwed in the race before when he went to let Lewis passed and Lewis drove right into him. So Zach just wrote that. I remember it differently. People felt like Verstappen brake checked him. There's these, we're getting into Formula One minutiae, but Verstappen wanted Hamilton to pass him quickly because there was a good opportunity to repass coming up.

So he hit the brake super hard to force him to pass. He forced him to crash into the back of him. Anyway, it was the best season ever. I'm still watching YouTube videos dissecting on what's fair, what's not fair, what kind of rule changes can come out of this. And, uh, like I'm excited for the sport to get more prominent because an amazing season happened just as people walked into it. Typically like, you know, this is over with three races to go. It's really about what the other places are going to do.

But this year coming down to the last lap of the last race and who knows what's going to happen it was really really cool it was amazing it seems like like a good ending like someone new coming along and getting a win instead of like eight in a row that'd be kind of boring right not in a row but still eight out of the last nine um that that is too much i mean there's something to be said for dynasty that makes it interesting but the ideal situation is when you have like a laker celtics like back and forth left and right um not just one dude crushing it like a air jordan type thing so anyway formula one was outstanding and uh it's over i'm kind of sad it's over but

next year i don't know what to expect uh red bull one the people that make their engines honda left formula one so what what's plan b two the uh mercedes is a titan and they're going to new cars next year now this I only half understand but Formula 1 gives them specs on what the car needs to comply to and apparently Mercedes dedicated a lot of resources to make sure that next year is going to be good whereas Red Bull dedicated

a lot of resources to win while we have a chance so I don't know if next year you can't tell which cars are going to be good under the new rules we'll see interesting i'll try watching a race they're not very long are they they're not like nascar i think they're shorter than nascar but there's more that i feel like there's a lot happens it depends on the track some races are hard to pass and that sucks and generally every time they make rule changes,

it's to facilitate more position changes, because that makes the race fun to watch. I wish I could get into it. I've tried, but I don't know. I don't know what it is about it. There's something very impersonal about it. It almost doesn't seem like there's people in those

fucking cars. They look so robotic. I agree. It looks like there's machines in those fucking cars. They look so robotic. It looks like there's machines out there racing. Because there are. I don't know. And it's not that I like NASCAR either. I really don't understand that. The guys are like, no, NASCAR is what's cool.

It's like, I don't know. Those guys' cars look fucking slick. And they're going crazy fast. Their tires are as wide as your hood. But I really don't like any of it, I guess. I go back and forth on the lack of parity so i i think there's something cool about like look my car's not the same as yours you know you might be a better driver than me but i have a faster car let's go let's see what's up and then you know how can you find a way to take my seat because no i like that um but then there's other times where it's like it feels like this is a race

between two people you know what i wish and here's i don't understand why they don't do this so like nascar is an acronym an acronym for like north is it north american stock car auto racing or national that sounds good it's one or the other maybe it's national stock car auto racing in any case the whole point is that these are stock cars that everybody's supposed to be driving the same car then why do they let anyone have a fucking engineer or build their own car why doesn't nascar build 30 race cars paint them however you want them painted and then you show up on race day and adjust your seat and get in i object to the whole idea that those are cars. They're like, here comes this guy in a Ford Mustang. That car has no parts in common with a Ford Mustang.

The headlights painted on are vaguely reminiscent. Let's see. It's more representative of Ford engineering and know-how in automotive sciences, right? It's like, oh, the people at Ford brought us this engineering. You know, I think it's more like that. But certainly I don't think like, yeah. I didn't even know. So like, I thought they were so similar.

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just, I'm not that familiar with it. Maybe I'm wrong. I thought the other stock cars, they all have the same damn thing in them. It should. Well, I know they're always tinkering with stuff. It's all the same. No, no, you're right no yeah you're right certainly in the chassis

what kind of engines are in them i guess i guess it's a ford chevrolet toyota engine right like each of them makes their own maybe but to a spec i'm not sure how that works yeah i'm very confused i guess i've never really thought about it too much um because it's not very interesting because it's a fucking sport i'd rather watch a couple of big ladies punch each other in the head over and over that i'm a fan of man i i love that i i i i bet i want i want to make sure everybody knows it i bet i bet on the greatest ufc upset of all time and won an enormous amount of money it was it paid seven to one and i beteren't there a bunch of Patreons hanging out and they all made the same bet?

I mean, how close am I? Yeah, yeah. So I was in the $50 Patreon, and we were watching the fights together, maybe 10 of us or something. And I think Dirty had jumped in, and he had bet on paying you with me for like five bucks. And then Fish had a big parlay bet going

with a bunch of stuff that may have included her. He won $600. I won $140. And Dirty won $40 or something like that, roughly. So it wasn't crazy. But it was because, I don't know, watching that fight, we were all cheering and screaming. It was just like, killer! Killer!

Yes! I was just screaming, one, two! One, two! She kept feeding her that one two just over and over and then it was just jab jab jab jab jab and amanda ate every fucking one of them we're talking about it was so good so amanda nunez if i recall did she win the first round or just the beginning of the first round she started out great um and then the line is she get taught she got tired now she got tired because she was getting punched in the face and in the body that's what exhausted um so i got a

lot of thoughts on the fight so the first round was interesting in that nunez was nunez and but but what was different was when she hit uh pena pena didn't seem to care too much it's almost like pena's got a got a husband that's free with his hands or something and she's just it'd be it's a viable theory that's like this is oh yeah what no tuna casserole bring it again amanda like i've had this before um she could take it you know even those calf kicks from amanda like she ate one of those and it was a bad one and i was like oh because am Amanda's got this whole like recipe book of pain that she can put on you.

She could beat you however she wants. It's seemingly, she could throw you on the ground all night. Like she did a few fights ago. She could do you like she did to random me. Like, yeah, you know,

she can do whatever she wants. When who's the giant cyborg. When you need to beat cyborg, I was like, my God, cyborg. It doesn't just look like a man. She looks like a jacked man.

She has a body that most listeners and me probably would wish we had. It's included. Yeah, obviously. And when Nunez beat her, it was like, holy smokes. This woman was, I think she'd been caught for steroids twice right so this woman is enhanced crazy it's basically beating a dude and nunez cemented herself as the greatest ever yeah nunez smoked her nunez smoked her yeah like beat her down it wasn't a fluke punch it wasn't one punch because it takes more than one to put cyborg down it was it was just it was like

a movie scene where the bad guy has to be hacked down to size. Where there's no way to one shot knock out this guy. You've got to take his ankles and then his knees. And that's how Cyborg was. She was just getting... The more she got... It was beautiful. Every Cyborg fight looked like she was bullying an opponent who didn't belong in the octagon.

Until Nunez got in there. And even she was bullying an opponent who didn't belong in the octagon until Nunez got in there. Even she was like it seemed overmatched until she won. I was really surprised that Pena won. I did have an inkling. That's why I placed the bet. I thought it was the best shot anybody had had in a long time because Pena's

big and she is a good wrestler. I heard her speak. I watched her on the anybody had in a long time because pain is big and uh and she is a good wrestler and i so i i heard her speak i watched her on the uh the ufc fox live show on youtube it was a good show i think i texted you when i was watching it had gaethje cormier a couple of random people that i don't know like talking heads or whatever but then it had uh pena pena came on and spoke and she just seemed so confident that and It didn't seem fake. It seemed like she legitimately had worked it into her head that she was going to beat up Amanda Nunez.

I don't know. That impressed something upon me. I hopped on my poker website and placed that bet. That was one of the better fights I've seen in a while. I think because I put money on it, that always makes everything better. But it was a good night of fights. I love it when fighters are confident. Half the time there's a fight, i have a feeling that one guy is going

look i know i'm the underdog but there's no quitting me and i'm gonna give this my best when both fighters are like it is absurd to think i won't win this what why would you think that guy can hang with me i love that i love like well're going to fucking figure it out. Let's see. Let's go. And the pen you had that I like that said, remember, of course, you don't remember. It was even before my time. Joe Namath, football player for the Jets in like the 70s. They were a big underdog

and everyone was in. He's the guy that guaranteed they'd win the Super Bowl. And the reporters were asking him all these questions as if he was going to lose. And he was like, what? His coaches and his assistant coaches and his teammates were all so sure they were going to win. He's like, what are you guys talking about?

We're obviously going to win. I guarantee it. And everyone was like, how can you guarantee you'll win the Super Bowl? Then he did. I think that's cool when fighters are just like... It is crazy to think that other guy might win. It's great. The rematch odds

are over 4-1 in Amanda's favor for the rematch. I'm sure they'll run it back pretty quick. Amanda got beaten up. I do think Amanda ran out of gas, though. I think Joe Rogan said that was inexcusable. It is ridiculous for your champ to be out of gas midway through round two.

Maybe I'm too much of a softie. I struggle with it. Dude, have you ever fought for seven minutes it's exhausting it like everyone conor mcgregor's out of gas in seven minutes not like this i mean i mean no not like this i mean maybe against khabib he was because it's khabib but like not normally like she quit because she was out of gas now now pena's story is that damian maya taught her some sort of fucking technique where she's like putting this part of the bone of her wrist on Amanda's trachea or something. And that was a pain choke. No, Amanda was tuckered out.

Like she was breathing so heavily and her nose wasn't working anymore. It's not her night. Nope. Chael Sonnen talks about that all the time. He's like, people make you. I think Chael Sonnen's half full of shit. But he's like, the rear naked choke is not an effective joke you would you would think it is because people win with it all the time but what's really happening is they're giving up their necks and they're

tapping out because they realize this isn't going to get any better from here that's not the rear naked choke is the most effective choke but i do think he's on to something with this idea that like could i have fought harder yes what would that have given me more of what was just happening longer recovery longer recovery more beating cut over the eye like it was beautiful though and i like peña uh more as champion She's hot, and English is her native language. And those are things I like in my champions, male and female. Charles. Oh, someone wrote me, by the way.

Charles Olivier is the 155-pound champ, and I was calling him. Is it Olivier? How close am I on that? Anyway, I called him Oliveira. There is another Oliveira called Cowboy Oliveiraa and i inflated them oh maybe i just did the same thing well cowboy olivera it's pronounced olivera and now because you just did this to me i have no idea who the champion at 155 pounds is i brought him up because he doesn't speak english and that isn't i don't want him to be champ for that reason i know your english doesn't even have

to be good it might be funnier if it's not like i'm cool with it but if you don't want him to be champ for that reason. No, I don't either. Your English doesn't even have to be good. It might be funnier if it's not. I'm cool with it. But if you don't speak English at all... You want him to try? Try a little. I like when the Russians get up there and they've clearly gotten on Google and figured out enough English to say,

Good fight! Give me better next time! Like, get that out. And it's like, dude, he's trying his fucking heart out i saw khabib like uh so when khabib talks to other people it seems like he's talking down to him he kind of lectures yeah he's like you work english it's important english is important to fighting learn study english and uh it's like you know what? He's not wrong. You want to get on the main card? You either have to win every fight

or win a bunch and speak English. Yep. Or win a few and speak English well. The better your English is, the worse your fighting can be. If you've got a guy who can really talk some shit, he can pull an Andy Kaufman and walk in off the street and be like, oh, you're a professional athlete, huh?

Well, you know what? I'm an accountant, pussy. Oh, you won't fight me. Look at you running away, just like a bitch. The next thing you know, you can talk your way into getting the shit beaten out of you for a lot of money. Joe Sonnen lost the 185 pound championship twice you know what they did with him 205 pound championship why because because he said

i could beat him he couldn't he could and because i was so new to the sport i was like sounds right to me i mean the guy's hilarious like this this like already a little bit too too old white guy was like yeah i could beat the 205 pound champ of the world john's john bones jones on short notice of course i can say i won't and i was just like and then john bones backed out of the fight dude he was talking i saw him on a radio show and he and john jones are like next to each other in chairs doing radio promos cutting it and chael sonnen's talking about how john jones backed out of a fight already and he's not sure if he's gonna back out again because clearly john jones is frightened and john jones is like, Chael, look right here.

I'm going to hit you with this part right there. You're going to hate it. That would intimidate. You're going to hate it. I'm paraphrasing. It's half wrong, but yeah. Chael beat the shit out of Chael. Excuse me.

Jon beat the shit out of Chael for five fucking minutes. Yes. Five solid minutes. He beat the shit out of chale excuse me john beat the shit out of chale for five fucking minutes yes five solid minutes he beat the shit out of chale he chales thing is wrestling like that's his background his pedigree um you know most of these athletes start with like a base in this that or the other and wrestling his chales so john jones out wrestled him for five solid minutes and slammed him on his ass at will and and was in the process of beating the dog shit out of chill when like you know John Jones is so incredibly powerful that he twisted his own toe laterally off his foot so it was dangling from skin uh and and would have lost the fight if the ref hadn't ended the fight late in the first yeah show us John Jones toe by the way man Jon Jones, still undefeated.

Another fucking W today. Beat the case. Beat the rap. Plead guilty to get this misdemeanor damage of someone else's property. None of the shit they did to the wife or girlfriend or whatever her lying face is mattered.

The only thing they got him for was the cop car he had, buddy, on the way out. Yeah, that's pretty broken. He could not have continued into round two. It's a very interesting alternate reality. There are better pictures that exist of his foot pushing sideways in action, and you can really

see that toe at 90 degrees. It's all the way over. It's got to hurt so bad. This is interesting, Taylor, because who's wearing those boots in the ring, by the way? What the fuck? This must be post. Is that Joe Rogan interviewing? I'd wear wrestling shoes if I was a ref.

I want to be agile in there. But anyway, this was late in the first round when this happened. He finished Chael. The ref had to end the fight before the end of the round. However, if the round had somehow ended without, if Chael had balled up enough or defended himself just right and the round had ended, they would have looked at Jon Jones' foot and said,

you're out. That's it. You cannot continue to fight. Chael Sonnen, you are the 205-pound champion of the world. And Jon Jones would have had to heal that foot and then do a training camp and then fight Chael Sonnen. All the while,

one of the greatest shit talkers in the world would have been talking about how he didn't just beat Jon Jones, he broke him. He would have been great. He would have declared it as God's will that he won that fight. He came down and ripped off his toe.

He definitely would have fought him again. Or Keeley's toe. But the thought would have been in his head have declared it as god's will that he won that fight he came down and ripped off his toe like he definitely would have fought him again but he's toe but but like the thought would have been in his head of like how awful it would be if he if he'd retired with john's belt or something like that i'm sure he would think of just how mad that would make john he still picks on john jones on his youtube channel all the time almost very brave really yeah almost and conor mcgregor too just doesn't fight anymore he will if they want he's that kind of guy like he's in good like you can i see him with mouses under his eyes and like fucking scrapes on his knuckles and shit he trains but he's always like recently he he's takes

he takes so many shots at john that you know he would love it if john was like you know what let's run it back chael you want You want to run it back? Chael would love that. He's probably already got the line written down, like he noted to his fucking computer. I like it when he talks about Conor McGregor. He'll be like, look, I'm not throwing stones at Conor McGregor, but the facts are he's a crackhead adulterer. He's just a dishonest, weird little drug addict. Yeah, he's a a dishonest weird little drug addict yeah he's a dishonest weirdo drug addict

showing up at vj awards or something i don't know he's picking on djs why would you fight a dj like that to me shows a you know an impairment in your masculinity and the fact is he's fat now because he's trained because he's fat now yeah and it's great but he says it like yeah look i don't want to say anything negative but these are the facts as i see him well it seems like he's a very funny guy chael has he should uh he should check out while he still has all his brain function he did he chael sonnen has been the smartest guy in the locker room for the last 40 years like he's someone who's genuinely like really quick-witted and like understands the business way better than like any of the other

meatheads that he was competing with and he used that intelligence and that that savvy to his advantage to become way bigger of a star than he ever should have been if he was plain jane hey i'm from the midwest guy er nobody would have cared who chel son and i thought he had like really no he was a record and he was a boring fighter who was the second best in his division for a period of time yeah very boring we are talking about him but but it's the things he says it's the jokes it's it's the lines and and he would have those muhammad ali like like um the man with the biggest arms the man with the greatest charms the you know who too sweet to be sour whatever yeah he'd fight some guy who was like an actual like gangbanger almost

like he's from some tough part of the like from compton or something he's like oh you don't even know i'm from where he's from some like west lynn west lynn oregon i have a west mean streets of west lynn oregon you don't understand the kinds of things I've seen. I've seen people, they take bubble gum out of their pocket, put the gum in their mouth and the wrapper, they throw it on the ground. Throw it on the ground. Litter.

Litter. Right in Westland, Oregon. In front of everybody. In front of everybody. Everybody saw it. The shit I've seen growing up, you couldn't handle. front of everybody everybody saw it the shit i've seen growing up you couldn't handle he's like there were times when my father made less than a hundred grand well almost less than a hundred that's a really fun charismatic way to address like but he knows what he's a gregor

someone being like i grew up in the hardest neighborhood in north ireland yeah he would he would count like he'd be on like a podium with like a bunch of other ufc fighters and doing like media day and they're asking everybody questions and he'd be like all right they asked ronda three questions and misha two and jeff got four i've only gotten one he'd get on his phone and start texting the people he knew that were out there asking the questions in the media and be like, yo, ask me this, ask me that. He's like, we've got to pump those numbers up.

They would do these events where there's usually champions and most interesting fighters, and he would want to win press conferences by getting the most airtime, by being the person that people talked about after the press conference. So everyone else, yeah,

everyone else is just wishing this event would get over, you know, like they're making me do this. I'm a fighter, not a talker. Chael realized he had two jobs. He had to fight and talk. Yeah.

So his fights would do bigger than his fights would do way better. Eyeball wise, pay-per-view wise than they ever should have because they were not entertaining fights he argues he's like i had a record i had the record for most illegal substances in my blood caught by usada at the same time yeah and john jones has taken that from me of all the things he added that to the list of things that i used to have and now i don't i don't even know if it's true i have to shit he says it's a lie but five is a lot five would be a lot like it i guess if he's like in post cycle which would kind of make sense that that would make sense like if they're if they're catching all of everything they're catching the stuff he's using

triggering more than once like like i'm you could maybe do a steroid and they catch that and then they catch a metabolite which is the way they caught that you previously did that steroid and you know this that counts as two. Does that make sense? I don't know, honestly, because I'm not educated on the stuff well enough, but I could definitely see him catching him for like the steroid, the thing that he was trying to use to hide the steroid and the thing he was

using to recover from the steroid. Plus like cycle, plus like, uh, you know, maybe he was on second and third steroids or maybe something in addition to help with cardio or something like EPO or some sort of blood dope. god knows what the fuck he was thinking he was thinking whatever he could to get an edge yes um and uh I don't know he's my he's one of my favorite guys that's done it I

like that you you can excuse his drug use but not Joan Joan I was about to say I'm a total hypocrite most of the time UFC fighters get caught with steroids i'm like this isn't the sport this isn't baseball where you're hitting balls this is stir this is ufc where you're hitting each other it has to be more fair except jail who was funny he was so so the rules are terribly it's okay like chill chill has a booming youtube channel like he doesn't get like massive views but it gets regular views as many times as he wants them every day it seems like it seems like Like Chael has a booming YouTube channel. He doesn't get like massive views, but it gets regular views as many times as he wants them every day, it seems like.

Yeah, I just checked his channel. He's uploaded six times in the last nine hours. Yeah, he just had a big event. Every time an event happens, all the pieces on the board get shifted, and they need to be reevaluated, their worth. This Chamaev guy is kind of a piece that that's like vibrating right now because because it's it's clearly about to move around one way or another so it's it's it's an interesting topic could you see chael becoming like a joe rogan kind of guy like a charismatic commentators familiar with the sport he's already

got um chael and cormier um both former fighters already have like see espn has that whole deal with the ufc so they're sort of like funneling in former ufc talent and giving them like little ufc show uh espn ufc commentator type shows so he's already doing something like that okay i did not know that and he'd been doing a show with uh errol hawani for a while um i don't know if this new show is an iteration of that or not. I don't follow much of it too closely. But I see Daniel Cormier is active on his YouTube channel too. It got recommended to me the other day.

I haven't watched it yet, but it's interesting. I wonder how Cormier does on his channel. He bills it as a little more down to earth. I'd like to see his family. It's hamburger instead of wine. Sure. Or steak. I'd like to see him hang out with his family. I'd like to see Cormier's family life.

He seems like such a nice, genuinely cool, interesting guy. I think he's from Louisiana. I think he went to LSU maybe even. I don't know. I had that in my head. I'm not sure. It sounds right-ish. Down here somewhere. I like him. I saw that quote from Derek Lewis today about how he's the most... Oh, I wish I could remember the quote.

It was something about how he said, I've never done a supplement. I've never taken a vitamin. I don't know where you get steroids. I do this shit on chicken. And it was just like, man, I believe him. that guy really doesn't know where to get he's got the kind of body someone who eats at popeyes would have yeah he does and i which is a shame but leading up to the um that last fight he had for the championship did who did he fight cormier i

know cormier beat him but then he seemed like he got back there again like not too long ago and he fought who did he fight not who in ghanu beat is he shit i'm i'm blanking that one out i remember him beating that like russian guy or that slavic guy where it went right down to the end and somehow like he oh yeah he was exhausted then he came back and won yeah that was crazy i can't remember but i remember he was gonna like fight for the belt I can't remember against who now for whatever reason. It should have been Cormier maybe. It's Cyril Gagne. He just lost for the belt. Okay.

No, no. I'm talking about Derek Lewis. I am too. Oh, okay. Oh, he fought Gagne. I just remember him training a lot. That's how you pronounce it, right? I think so.

Or Gagne. I say Gagne. I had seen him training a lot though, like doing wind sprints and stuff. Um, I don't know. He's got a, I wish heavyweights don't have gas, man.

They're V8 engines. They drain that tank. Heavy, heavyweights don't try to have gas. It's like they, they, they, it's almost like they,

they like the fact that they don't need it. I don't know. It's, it, there's so few of them that have a, have a, like an, a mindset toward that.

They're almost, I'll say this. It's where the fat guys go. Like heavyweight is where all the fat guys go. Like there's so many really shitty physiques in the heavyweight division of the UFC. Dude, like if you were to put a 40-pound fat backpack on me, I'd get exhausted faster. They should have less fat. Yeah, I think there's something to be said about having

more mass and how you absorb blows and how you can deliver them but and maybe in wrestling and and and judo jiu-jitsu type situations but like there's no you still got to carry it and if the fight goes late and and you can't work your wrestling you can't get them to the ground now you're just tuckered out but but that's it's an interesting division but also because the weight goes from what 205 at the top six to 265 six to 265 what a huge did you know that you can't be more than 40 pounds heavier yeah yeah we talked about that before oh have we all right yeah i didn't know that i always thought if you were in that division you're fine but it But it is possible for, say, Jon Jones to come in at 210. I'm making that up. He wouldn't be that light. And somebody else to barely make 265. And they literally can't fight each other, even though they're in the same weight class. They should cut heavyweight in half and have a heavyweight super heavyweight.

I disagree. One, there's not enough heavyweights that are interesting already. And two, it seems like the elite heavyweights come in at 230, 240 anyway. Not anymore. What's our man's Ngannou way? Isn't he like topping out? I'm going to Google it. And the worst part is I think he's like near the limit. You're right. He weighed 262 last time, so he's at the top.

With abs. Ripped to fucking back. Looks like an action figure. 262. Brock Lesnar did that. I'm sorry I cut you off. It turned out some smaller guy was better. Yeah.

Lesnar's his own special anomaly though, right? He has a very unique body type the body type and like background and and he there'll never be another like brock lesnar like fucking situation because he's not a skilled fighter i never thought he just kind of came in there and like clubbed them down he was a really good wrestler yeah very good well Well, actually, I've heard wrestlers who know more than I do analyze his college

wrestling career, and apparently he was kind of low skill, but too athletic for people to deal with, but he never did anything really tricky. People didn't think that he was technical. He was just too strong to handle. He would just win because he's too strong to handle

yeah well phrased yeah those those hands alone were just so terrifying they had to make special gloves like they didn't make gloves in his size so they made special brock lesnar gloves because you couldn't get them anywhere else stupid huge yeah and and i mean he's clubbing people in the head with his big fucking mitts what a monster of a man but yeah the current the current champion is he is a monster of a man he's terrifying to behold like like like and he's and he's a mean guy too like he's got no sense of humor and like no time for anybody like you can tell he's just like a dumb fucking ignorant like hillbilly redneck piece of shit like that guy definitely says the n-word a lot in private jesus christ like he definitely does i know he does i

can see it in his eyes he looks like a fucking like he looks like the big nazi in the crowd like he just looks like such a he looks like the guy that like like hitler would pick out like come up here yeah what's that sam hyde thing he's like like hitler's like you're just so physically imposing. Just don't, just physically ripped. I need you to lead my shock troops into battle. And I'd be like, whoa, Hitler needs me. And it's like, yeah, Hitler's evil. And believe me, no one hates him more than me. But when someone's got that kind of panache,

that kind of je ne sais quoi. That kind of je ne sais quoi je ne sais quoi you have a Hitler or an Alexander the Great locking his attention beams on you that is one of the funniest Sam Hines he's a soldier in occupied

Paris or something like that so fucking funny dominate I dominate the women in my workplace with a mix of physicality gaslighting lying it's one of the funnier bits i've seen his um if anybody wants to see like my favorite sam hyde bit go on youtube and find officer maggot m-a-g-g-o-t and you have to sit there and watch the whole thing.

If you don't cringe or laugh, like you're not a human being. You're going to cringe. My favorite one is Moms. Moms is a very funny one. Moms might be better than Officer Maggot, but Officer Maggot just keeps escalating. Actually, they both do.

They're both very good. I found, so apparently they had to make quadruple XL gloves for Brock Lesnar, but those were a little snug. And so they, so they bumped those up a little more. That's insane.

Yeah. It's like getting hit with a holiday ham. Oh, fuck off with your being one of us. Get out of here. You don't get to be one of us in the old days. We'd have rounded him up with like, we'd all got a pitchfork and a torch no we'd have tried

we'd eat for a month but no he'd eat for 10 he'd eat for it looks like a fucking ogre he does he looks like if you like made a person of shrek yeah shrek lost 80 pounds and lifted a lot got shredded i want to see more of his body. Yeah. Let's see more of that bad bod. That's kind of gay, but here I am. It's awful. He's one of the

scariest people I think that's ever been in the UFC physically. He's a physically imposing guy ever. Overeem on the juice was pretty he just what i think of as a scary person maybe brock's worse but over him on the juice just he was aesthetically better yeah because he's black yeah i know what you mean i mean this guy like v-shaped Look at those traps. It's ridiculous, those traps. That's absurd. They're at his jawline

and they're almost to his fucking ear. Look at his brachialis area. Do you think he's got good grip strength, Kyle? I think that he can push a normal man's hand. His sticks out. He totally could.

His sticks out so far. I said it before. One of the first UFC things I watched was a Brock Lesnar thing because a friend of mine was really into it. This is probably 12 years ago now. And he was fighting another huge man. And I remember at one point Brock was on top of him. And you could not see the other man underneath him through the

size the size of his back where it's like oh he's getting a couple more in it's like you he could be faking this fight at this point we wouldn't know you can't even see like two little feet sticking out like the wicked witch of the west and that was about all you could see kyle i'm looking at this body yeah his um adonis lines are on point they are but his abs are kind of shit does that imply like insulin or something to you no um what poor posing i mean the if you really look at the photo it's very fuzzy like it's very out of focus um like if you like kind of like try to do that like puzzle like look at his arm arm where his delt meets his bicep. It's a very fuzzy photo for one thing.

I think what it is, he's genetically strong with his Adonis lines. He's just not extra low body fat. He's just not that lean. He's probably 15% to 17% body. He's carrying a lot of fat there. What do you think I am right now? You saw the Twitter picture. You're all ripped up, dude.

I'm not that ripped up. I think it's you. You're like 12, 13 maybe. You think you're all ripped up, dude. I'm not that ripped up. I think it was lighting. You're like 12, 13 maybe. You think? Yeah, 12 or 13 probably. You're below 14. You should go. 14, 15 is what I had in my head.

You should go. It's like less than 100, more than 50. What is it called? Dexa. D-E-X-A. I don't want to know the truth. You also get like that cool scan of your body and all this paperwork that comes with it

with bone density and such. For all you know, your bones could be extra dense. They're going to come back and be like, you have 18% body fat and a below average penis. I was heavier before the Texas. I only signed up for one of those measures. She can't see your dick pretty well in the Dexascan.

I'd always be like, it's like, wow, you really could see a lot there. Huh? She's like, what do you wear? Yeah.

You get probably no, no, no, none of those things. I would wear um like sweatpants and uh like a like a tank top and take my shoes off um so it that's all that really matters you don't have to like strip down or anything it goes through your clothes you just don't want big like like a coat on or something crazy like that um it's quick it's's fast. And you know, I don't know why, what do you, do they put you in something resembling a, uh, I don't know what a suntan tanning bed.

They, you sit on a normal flat, like, um, examination table and this, um, imaging arm goes over you very slowly making noise. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And it like goes from head to toe doing a full body scan and uh once it gets to your toes it turns off and she's immediately got this all this imaging data on her computer huh so you gotta like sit super still like the whole time i wonder if there's one like super close to me or if it's like an hour away uh i bet there's one super close like like yeah they're not that rare i don't

know i mean they're not plentiful there's three in atlanta i think but i'm in raleigh which is like i think raleigh's not nothing it's got facilities yeah mine has the uh a bunch of things they can do they do like package deals so i did the rmr the resting metabolic rate thing with the o2 mask and this 3d imaging thing where you can get naked. I would always just wear tight underwear, but you stand on a pedestal, then it rotates you and the camera takes like this 3D image of you that you have scanned and emailed to you. So you can like watch yourself like reproportion and change like down to the, I don't know, the cubic millimeter or some shit.

It's pretty interesting. So it looks like the closest one is 22 miles away yeah somewhere in between i was hoping it'd be like six yeah right i don't know um it'd be nice to know though like like get an exact number on it i was always surprised it was always it was always better than i thought it was going to be um yeah i don't know i think i've actually still got like three more scans on my plan oh you should do one um i don't know where you are in your workout uh cycle right now but if if you could find your most before it'd be neat to get one then yeah yeah um well i mean that's what i did last time i before i get started with this

new protocol i'm definitely gonna like do a whole nother like before and after thing to like to like see what happens it's gonna be fun i'm looking i took some before pictures but i was like six weeks into getting better and i wish now i had the most before-ish of pictures. Well, prove you can really do it. Gain 50 pounds of fat and then do it again. Ah, the ultimate test. There's nothing to it. Yes, there is. Just a year of hard work.

A year of just pleasure. What, you don't have a year of gumption in you for the lulz and the memes? No, I think it'd be fucking cool. There is that that trainer i'm sure maybe you've seen the before and after pictures of nothing else he gained 70 pounds lost it in six fucking months he went ripped to fat to ripped in in that period of time was sick fantastic yeah and i think that okay so um, clients, he's a personal

trainer and I guess they felt like, Oh, you're hot. You don't know what it's like to be fat and to lose weight and to, you know, you just maintain this level of gorgeous. You don't understand my plight. So he was like, you know what? I'm going to take that journey. And he got fat to where he looked bad. He didn't fluff up a little. He became an obese person. Then he became a fucking fitness model again. He's incredible.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I know that my thing has inspired a bunch of people. Me? I'm glad. That's kind of you to say. Um, but the,

uh, there's a lot of guys, guys in the $50 patrons specifically that like they be, whether they've gotten on Derek's, um, clinic or not. And, and you know,

they're on TRT or they've just like stuck to the diet and like workout program. So many guys in there have sent me like pictures of them getting fucking ripped. And like like everybody's looking good like like um fuck uh broba remember bro yes oh my gosh so we've got this guy named broba and uh his his username is broba fat because he's fat he's a fat man he's like i i would i don't remember how tall broba is but i think think of him as a little bit tall and 250, 250 pounds or something like that.

A fat guy. And I guess I inspired him a little bit because he's fucking ripped up now. He's in there like fucking double biceps. Like he's lost so much weight. He's even got a little bit of like extra skin. Like he's like six packs coming. Six packs coming. He's young though.

It'll probably tighten up. Oh, yeah. And I recommended him some stuff to help with that too. So too so yeah like a bunch of people have gotten in shape i'm glad um and i hope to do more of that because it's one of the most extreme transformations though like antagonist got pretty scary too antagonist needs to shave his mustache antagonist save it but uh but he's getting he's getting pretty intimidating he told me that um the husband of the woman that he's been fucking came by his store today and he just stared him down the game and the guy didn't say anything so workout programs really really doing the trick they do and it makes a lot of sense not only is a hard worker but he's a good guy that antagonist yep clearly

well you guys want to call it a show Kyle I know you yeah I guess so engagement okay PKA 574