Painkiller Already - PKA 581 W/Shaun Attwood: Insane Prison Stories, Sweets under your Sheets, Flat Earth

Episode Date: February 6, 2022

pka 581 with our guest sean atwood taylor this episode of pka brought to you by express vpn feel cbd and lock and load the finest cum pills in existence you can find the link for all of those below sean one of the highest requested guests ever all the best stories thank you so much for coming back on i'm blown away woody kyle taylor by all the messages I've been getting since I came on approximately two years ago. When are you coming back on, PK? And for the viewers, massive thank you for putting me near the top of the leagues.

Really appreciate you lobbying to get me back on. I've got so many more crazy stories. Good. I'm excited for that. Our fan base is rabid. I'm not going to call them crazy psychopath murderers like somebody with rabies, but let's just say they're rabid. Yeah. Rapidly proactive.

Proactive. So I was just going through your and if you don't already subscribe to him, go to Sean Atwood's YouTube channel and subscribe. He's got all of the it is the most varied content base of any channel. Like like even like you do conspiracies, esoteric stuff, but you cover everything and interview everyone. And I know it's like almost cliche, but I saw a little while ago you had an interview with someone who is a genuine flat earth guy. is a genuine flat earth guy and i think me and kyle's position on flat earth or maybe just me is like it's an intentionally silly conspiracy theory i think kyle believes too he's nodding that like they'll bring up to like discredit like oh you really think epstein has a rape island what's next flat earth like to try and lump that in what was it like talking to a genuine guy or

do you truly believe he was genuine in it so i find it absolutely fascinating to interview people with unusual bizarre or extreme viewpoints and he was you know very energetic very enthusiastic very convinced that we are on a flat earth despite you know all the pictures from space and the aircraft flying around the math and the shadows and so let me ask you this because like the other round planets yeah my thought has always been that maybe there's like one or two nut jobs out there that like i don't know got their math wrong or saw a shadow weird one night, but then like,

but, but then like everyone else, I think that like, we like to believe we like to be the one in the room. Who's like, Oh, you guys standing in line for the bakery. Oh,

they don't open up today. Now, is it today? Sunday? I'm the guy who knows when in reality, you're the guy who Googles and, and, and you,

you might even, there's some douchebags will sit there for an extra five, 10 minutes, even though they came for the bakery, too. But now they get to tell everybody who shows up. It's close. It's Sunday. What are you doing? I'm not here for bagels. I'm here correcting people. They want to be that guy. We all kind of want to be that guy. The guy who's like knows more is more well informed. We just handle that position differently than others and i can i jump in i think there's an inclination to believe the counter truth it's a little attractive to everyone because it turns you into that guy you know if if you think blood is red and i'm like no blood's actually blue you it only turns

red when it gets exposed to actually woody, Woody, that's an urban myth. It doesn't actually. It's not really blue. Actually, Kyle, reverse card. What you said is the myth. What Woody said initially is the fact. It's fun to be that guy. Not you, but some people might hear that and be like,

ooh, now I have the inside scoop. I've got the knowledge that no one else has. The whole world is full of fools that think blood is red, but it only looks red when it touches air. It's just a weird hill to die on with that. I don't think it is. You know, these are kind of blue. I think it's one of the few hills... I meant the flat earth thing.

If you look at standard archetypes in literature and such, it's one of the big ones you know the guy who who knows who's trying to fight show the truth to the people that's a big one that's that's almost as as classic as the standard hero archetype like how many movies do we have where like that one guy knows there's a really good uh mel gibson movie where like i think it's called conspiracy theory i think there's a mel gibson movie called that where like he's a conspiracy theory. I think there's a Mel Gibson movie called that where he's a conspiracy nut,

but he stumbled upon the one that's real. Now the actual government guys with the sunglasses and the cloaks and daggers are showing up and being like, we know you know. He's like, I know you know you know. I've been waiting on you for 30 years. They're like, you do, huh?

How do we handle this? It's kind of weird because he's so well prepared for them because he's insane? It's kind of weird because he's so well prepared for them because he's insane. It's a fun movie. What happens a lot right now on Netflix is Don't Look Up, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill. That's more about our culture being a bunch of ignoramuses

though. The nation seems to get divided. The world seems to get divided in two as to whether or not there's a comet coming, meteor. They're the same thing to me about to uh about to hit the earth and like everyone who's educated understands that it's real they can see it but it's not until people can see it with their bare eyes their naked eyes that anyway yeah i think that covid has been another really good example of that where the stakes are so low for believing,

and the stakes are so high for disbelieving. Possibly. Maybe if you've got an older loved one. I mean, we've got plenty of young friends who've had it, and they're fine. I don't know anyone who's... Do we know anyone who's young who's had it? Obviously, we're anecdotal here, and we're shifting gears a little bit. Who got fucked up from it? A 25-year-old who had a rough time because of COVID.

I know a guy who's dead my age. He's actually my brother like uh he's actually my brother-in-law's oh my goodness brother or something like like yeah like yeah so not too far from my family but uh yeah uh he's my age not exactly young was he uh was he a big fat person he was a pretty fit in a rowboat yes yeah he was a mildly fat person like like he could have been fitter but he didn't stand out at all. He wouldn't have worn a wetsuit happily. Not happily, but

they would have it in his size. I don't like that question. Now we're getting into uncomfortable territory. This wetsuit test, there's no science behind it oh my god dude that would solve i mean the biggest health crisis in this country is obesity yeah think about the test and like the amount of people who would be fixed if they're

like all right new thing President whoever came in. President John Cena. Everyone who has a BMI of over 30, whatever the obese one is, you have to go in public and stand there for an hour in a wetsuit once a month in the fat square. And then people can throw health foods at you. What's below obese? Rotund. Overweight. I think it's overweight and then class like one, two, and three obese.

I don't know if it stops at three. Overweight is bullshit. Overweight is total horseshit. Preach. I have a visible six pack right now, and I am overweight on the BMI. It just doesn't account for people who are wide. This is good for Sean. weight on the bmi it just doesn't account for people who are wide but this is something good this is good for sean have you ever gone over any of these uh like bmi health conspiracies do you

ever talk to those people whether it's the kind of person who's like just eat red meat all day it's totally good for you or the opposite my my main conspiracy stuff was on the epstein case and i lost my i lost my youtube channel twice over it in the last year and I also had a visit to the police station and I'm banned. I am now banned from reporting on that case. I've got a book on it called Who Killed Epstein? Prince Andrew or Bill Clinton

but I'm banned from reporting on that case. Pardon me, what's the title of your book? You kind of sped up there at the end. Who Killed Epstein prince andrew or bill clinton okay thank you i just wanted to make sure everyone heard that one i can't imagine why you're having so many issues i mean i mean nobody's like prince andrew at least they didn't blow my car up i think i got lucky just getting my my channel terminated i mean but at least like

when all the most powerful institutions that control your ability to communicate online globally, when they come down on you hard and forbid it, you just know you're barking up some nonsense tree with nothing there. That's why they're like, Flat Earth guy, ban him! Get him off the internet! How about this worldwide

sex trade? They're like, no, that kind of talk about Sasquatch or something. That's wild. I didn't know that you had your channel fucked with twice in the last year over. Yeah, I've had a visit to the police station. There were massive campaigns launched against me to destroy my channel and my reputation. And I'm still standing.

The public went crazy. They lobbied YouTube on Twitter. It was going for days at team youtube and i got it back twice what were the conclusions that they were so mad about that you know i went to youtube's corporate headquarters in london to try and get a proper explanation of you know what i spoke to the security person and she went to the desk and told them my issue and she came back with a little business card that said contact google customer service so my theory is that they put the algorithm

aggressively on my channel it probably been lobbied by maybe you know royal family legal department or something like that the algorithm went over my channel i ended up with 30 major strikes that caused terminations this is why i got terminated twice and um but i mean some of the stuff they struck was like i interviewed the guy who introduced the modern day slavery act in the uk and they said that was cyberbullying. The act that counters and enables the safety of women who are getting trafficked and men who are getting trafficked. This guy, he got awarded, I think, a knighthood for it. He has safe houses all over the country for women who are getting trafficked. But the algorithm, it picks up on certain words, traffic, Satanism, Epstein, blah, blah, blah.

It doesn't discern whether the video is good or whether the video is a conspiracy. It's QAnon. I think the QAnon buzzwords is what it really looks for. Okay. It's crazy. So you got scooped up in a bunch of bullshit and they kind of targeted you, it sounds like.

Oh, there's been campaigns on me all year. Even now, my YouTube channel got hacked about a month ago. The hackers had it for a full day. They were broadcasting Bitcoin scam commercials. And then a couple of weeks ago, my Twitter went down and they regenerated it as Elon Musk's Twitter. The question is, is it Clinton or Prince Andrew? I'll say this.

I'm going to say this from the heart. I guarantee it's neither one of those fine gentlemen. How dare you allege anything of the sort, Woody? It's Sean who's coming up with these unsupported frivolous accusations that we don't care for here. There's definitely

no evidence that Clinton or Prince Andrew have anything to do with Epstein. That's it. They're not convicted so you can't talk about anything that's alleged. No. Yeah. No, you can't have fun with it like you can't Cosby because they just, I mean, say whatever you want about him, I think.

I'm curious, what were the parts that it got dicey? Because I remember last time we spoke to you, it was a couple years ago, so I think the Epstein suicide had already happened. I'm pretty sure the suicide had already occurred. And you were able to talk about that then. Like, hey, clearly this wasn't a suicide. A bunch of stuff doesn't add't add up when did it really start we became the tip of the spear on the reporting on the epstein case we even got a shout out on the joe rogan show eddie bravo said he was all over our videos a seal of approval i hear you right yeah we'd interviewed people like prince andrew's

royal protection cop he'd copy that it was an exclusive all the journalists at the forefront victims like maria farmer and we had 60 million views on this stuff it was going mental yeah so you know littler channels can still say things but what i've realized is once you get to a certain size, you're not allowed to say things. Yeah, or you have to hedge your bet in what you say to such an extent that you're no longer making a meaningful statement. Is that the kind of thing where you feel kind of hemmed in? We tried that. We changed our lingo and everything, but when they've got you in the crosshairs.

It's the keywords can i just i think that if you i think you can say anything you want as long as you say it into one of those microphones that's shaped like an ear and you lick it a lot because whenever i watch one of those girls on twitch i don't see anybody coming down hard on them at all it seems like they can say anything and they got that uh that really cool microphone i'm getting one it's shaped like an ear. Oh, my God. Dude, I am just you putting the idea in my head of ASMR conspiracies. I just wrote it down because that is one of the funniest. Hitler had so many contacts in South America that the idea of committing suicide at that point in his life would have been ridiculous. Here's a picture of a South American man who has a striking resemblance to.

That's what it is. Sean, if you don't know these ASMR videos, it's literally like Twitch girls. And there's a mic that looks like two ears. And it's them like flicking the ear ear the rubber mic ears and playing with it and then guys are beating off to sounds of something I guess allegedly beating off I don't know I'm feeling a little targeted

like make they make eye contact with like low cut shirt and they slurp on fake ears while they moan and groan I need to hire some of those girls they work there's no way he could have killed fake ears while they moan and groan. I need to hire some of those girls. They work for pennies. There's no way he could have killed himself in that room with those tearaway

shirts. Like, ooh, damn. Pinnies got me looking. These are making sense. We didn't enter the war in Afghanistan to fight terrorism. 9-11 is my job.

Dude, no one would watch that to check on you. There's no oversight over there on ear lickers. I promise there isn't because I've seen some shit. Amaranth must be making like a million dollars a month over there because she licks a fine ear. But what's really fun is

to slide all the way to the lowest viewed girls in ASMR and they've still spent the $450 on the ear microphone because they saw the earnings reports that got leaked or whatever. They're like, I'm going to become an ear-licking

millionaire named Pixie Princess. They end up embarrassing themselves on the internet. You're judging hard. I embarrass myself on the internet for a lot less than that. I'm the only viewer in there, Willem Woody. It's just me, her, and the ear.

You just type one comment like you suck no no no you see how much she'll do for the promise of bits oh wow I will give you this if you do that yeah I don't know I'm looking for a new ear girl

I'm feeling it I got my twitch prime sitting here just burning a hole in my vocal proctor she starts licking a little faster. I know we were making fun of the flat earth thing. We went by it. What was, if you remember, Sean, what was that guy's main thing? I'm sure there was one argument that he kept coming back to,

like the ice wall or something. I'm curious, what was his main thing he kept trying to drive home to you? So he mixed the flat earth theory, whereby we're not a pancake, we're like a snow dome with a flat bottom, into simulation theory. Okay. So it got really technical. And so he thinks that... Oh!

He thinks flat earth is a little too simple for this guy. This I like. No, no, no. I like him mixing it, because it's the only way that you could ever be like, yes, it makes sense, because it's a simulation. Yes. But why would they simulate it flat? Well, I don't know, but maybe he had an answer.

Why would they make all the other planets round in the simulation? It doesn't make... You know what I mean? Like they would cover their tracks. They'd be like, oh, fuck, we almost released this beta. All the other planets are around. Well, maybe the other planets are, you know, like one of those little dioramas that kids have spinning around in their

bedroom with shadows and lights when they're growing up. Oh, yeah. There's just a loose. Well, I mean, they appear around, but they're obviously two dimensional on like like those are just hallucinogen well well i mean they appear around but they're obviously two-dimensional on our walls maybe it's all just oh i thought you were talking about like a mobile you put over a yeah i've never been to space like you know that south park episode they're like this is like the third time i've been to space and carmen's like this is like my fifth like i've never actually been i've never

actually been um that's wild that is, I feel like if you layer the, like everything is digital matrixy on top of any conspiracy, then you could be like, okay, well, yeah, I guess they could have made that the world we're in. Like you can't really disprove it any more than you could like, just God putting us. But I like it more. It's more palatable.

It's like they put a nice sugar coating on the other thing because the other thing is so absurd. It's fun. The other thing is so absurd. It's bitter. That doesn't want to go down. But when you wrap it up on a little simulation theory, I'm like, oh, I like that one. That's a fun theory. I've heard smart people talk about that one.

How could you just prove a simulation theory? If there was a way, someone would have done it by now, right? We'll be talking private about that after the show. Everyone's an NPC except you. That's solipsism. Yeah, that's more of a mental illness. Words to look smart, Taylor.

That's true. What did you say it was? It's called solipsism. It's where you think that you are the only person who exists. I'm going to Google that. Which would be like the funniest thing to debate. It's like, in your mind, you're debating a subsection of your mind. Or you're debating.

It's sort of like the Truman Show, right? They believe that to some extent some of them like they believe that you know they're there for the entertainment or perhaps for some sort of testing purposes like their part everything is fake you guys are npcs me sitting here i'm the only real person in this entire existence is sort of and a lot of people not don't think of it as a conspiracy theory because it's a mental illness that they suffer from. It's a delusion that they actually. Yeah, Zach just put it in there.

It's like thinking that the self is all that can be known to exist. And it's like, OK, well, then if you draw the line at what can be known at your nose and yourself, then what is the point of discussing anything with you? Because like if nothing else can be known, like. I think therefore I am. Yeah, yeah. I'll admit it's a real word, doesn't it? I think, therefore, I am. I'll admit it's a real word, but it's not spelled the way I thought it was. No, it's one of those tricky fucking professor words

where they can make it up in college. I want to know how to spell it. Is it S-O-L-E-B-S-C-I-S-M? S-O-L-I-P-S-C-I-S-M? S-O-L-I-P. I had it right except I thought it was O-P. Okay, never mind then. Well, so did he try to convince you of the Earth's dome-like snowy nature?

And if so, were you at all swayed at any point? He did. He tried to convince me and my co-host, Andrew, that he was, in fact, correct. And we just kept throwing things at him, you know, like photographs from outer space, pilots, journeys around the Earth, things like that. But he did keep coming back with fascinating, engaging, and colorful answers. And in the live stream that night, it was really hopping as well. But he did keep coming back with fascinating, engaging, and colorful answers. And in the live stream that night, it was really hopping as well. I think the people really were entertained. So in the end, you would say that he probably didn't support his cases that well?

If there had been a court of law there, do you think they would have cited him? From the guy's point of view, he did great, I'm sure. Yeah, from his point of view he did great but going into it i think most people knew the truth yeah of course but but like but but my my dream in that scenario is that you run into the best flat earth supporter the guy who's who who really knows his flat earth nonsense and he could be just a little bit convincing. I'm not going to walk away from this ever convinced that there's a flat earth, unless you take me there, I suppose. What if he takes you there

and you can't help but be convinced? I have to go on one of those movie-style journeys where the boat just keeps getting closer and closer and everybody wants to turn back, but you're like, no, it can't be, and you fall off. I need that, I guess. Unbridled enthusiasm

takes me there, and he definitely had that. That's fair. I like that. I like when someone is into what they believe in. Everybody needs a hobby. What's this guy hurting? What is the consequence of him believing the Earth is flat?

That you get hilarious conversations at July parties with him? If that is the consequence of him believing the earth is flat? That you get hilarious conversations at like July parties with him? If that's the consequence, I'm inviting that guy to every party. Hey, John, tell me about everybody. Shut the fuck up. John, tell me about Antarctica again. No, no. As much time as you need. Everybody shut the fuck up.

That'll be great. I want to be friends with that guy. That's a much more uplifting conspiracy guy than a guy who's just like, and another thing with the Jews. And it's like, oh, man, come on. We're trying to play Settlers of Catan here. I'm trying to trade my sheep for your wheat so I can activate my port. And you're trying to talk about Jewish stuff. I don't care. I just to tell you i don't care like i just say you're the i don't i

never played soldiers of katan so i don't get that reference but i too am tired of drunk guy at the party talking to me about the jews um it does yeah and it doesn't have to be the jews it can be any seems like it does mark it i will say i will say they are disproportionately represented in those drunk rants yeah definitely what is it about drunk people that makes them so uh anti-semitic i don't know but happened to mel gibson too i don't know if i don't i think i think that pre-exists predates the drunkenness. Oh. Him not caring for Jewish people. So you think that the alcohol just sort of made them a little bit loose-tongued about their pre-existing anti-Semitism? They don't talk like that on Ecstasy.

No, they don't. And also, if you listen to the Mel Gibson tapes, the anti-Semitic part really gets overshadowed by, by some other, other topics. The, I hope you get raped by a pack of. Oh, I always forget that part. That one,

that line kind of flies over the rest of everything else that happens in those tapes. When we do that private conversation after this, we're going to listen to those tapes again too. I, I got it. Once a year, I re-listened to the opie and anthony listening of the mel gibson tapes and it's become i've heard it so many times you

know there's that one part where he says all i want you to do is sit there and shut up and blow me and like i i've heard that so many times that i that i stopped even believing or associating that with the actor and the man mel Mel Gibson, because I just can't, you can't see him saying it. So it's almost like he didn't. So I just choose to, I had to, this was many months ago.

I had to change my, my, uh, my Twitch alert on Twitch because I had the clip of Mel Gibson saying like, shut down and fucking blow me. Like every time someone would, would donate. And then one of my mods was like,

I think it's hilarious. Other people are getting in trouble for a lot less than the shit you're doing you're doing around here and i'm like you're right you're right this is probably a bad idea yeah yeah you can't have any fun can't have any fun anymore so the flat earthers is a big one um i but but honestly i don't like that one because it's so outlandish I've never liked that one the moon one is more interesting than that there aren't many that I'm like too deep into but there's some that I'm like

1% maybe I see a thing there that's weird the moon thing, Woody's often points out that some of those photographs that they used were fake not the moon specifically but there's a walk and they used they doctored photos and showed the public doctored photos of a spacewalk just to make them look a little bit nicer and if they go to that link then that means frankly that there just happened so happens to be a photoshop department

at nasa for some reason everybody's like yeah they just sent it over to the photoshop room at nasa it's like which which video did they fake what else do they do there at the photoshop room and you open it up and it's colossal like it's a whole it wasn't a video it was a photograph like there was a bunch of apparently legitimate photographs and then they slipped in a couple illegitimate ones you know just to add spice it up spice it up have some more and that damaged their credibility now i don't think the moon landing is fake but there were some fake pictures in there which gives the conspiracy theorists some ammunition i talked to someone who like is i wouldn't say they're a moon landing

conspiracy theorist or anything they just are like interested in that stuff and he was like why didn't the the landing craft make any uh craters i guess they're called like why didn't it indent into the surface of like the soft dust on the moon i'm like well because it did and then i like looked around and was like okay okay you checkmated me there i i can't find any where there's a crater but like there must be a reason that I think it touched down really gently like it would right well I mean I've seen the video right like it did touch down

really gently yeah I mean I that one what I was getting at is like that one kind of bothers me a little bit Sasquatch doesn't ever appeal to me the goose and the ghost and goblins either.

When I hear someone start talking about that birds aren't real, then we just need to have a whole different conversation. You can't engage with a birds aren't real person. There's no entry point there. You go straight to mental illness. What other animals aren't real?

I'll talk to you about Sasquatch all day because there was one. Giraffes are fake. They're not believable. Why would there be a 40 foot tall spotted moose? That would be the way to talk to a birds aren't real person. I can't tell if birds aren't real people are real

or if that's a meme making fun of the also mostly fake. Giraffes are bullshit. They're clearly cameras on long poles. That's why they have those necks like that. It doesn't make any sense otherwise. It's the most logical explanation. I fed one. I've seen them. I fed one also.

They have them at the zoo here. They got that long blue tongue that does the loopy thing. I mean, it's very believable. I'm not saying it's not. Those are the best damn animatronics I've ever seen. Woody, I got a way to... I can disprove your theory for $8,000. Exactly.

Only? Guys, come on. Let's just make it $10,000. We're going to murder a giraffe. That's what it costs. He told me for $8,000, you could shoot the giraffe. You get a dead giraffe out of this. Well, I'm not saying there are no cyborg giraffes.

I'm not saying that they don't have... I'm in for $2,500, yes or no. You've called my boss. I'm folding. So I wanted to ask, Sean, you kind of got forced out of the Epstein thing, and that was your bread and butter for a while. What's kind of your new area or areas of focus

that you're looking into now to expose or learn more about? So I've just been expanding my True Crime podcast. I've got like three or four co-hosts come in now so we can keep the momentum going. We've got about three videos a day coming out. We have a morning video, which is more cerebral. And then in the evening, we have a darker video. And on the subject of, you know, things that don't exist, the people attacking my story and reputation said that a guy I served time in prison with didn't exist, and he was called Cheeboom.

Now, in the last interview, I mentioned to you guys that there was a riot over that guy, what would we call him? Smackdown or Knockout or something? It was the race riot. And you guys said, was he one of the toughest guys I'd seen in there?

Right. When I saw T-Bone walk across the prison yard, it was like something out of a conan movie yeah yeah this guy was six and a half foot black guy and just you know his his biceps bigger than my head basically so because of the rules of racial division i wouldn't have just gone up and talked to him on the yard but it was there was an unusual situation whereby you know i had my blog and the prisoners had found out about it by now there's a big story about how i started my blog which i could get into

later on and how i almost got killed over my blog which i could get into later on but it was it just got in the news and some of the prisoners had found out. Prisoners don't have internet, but their family members give them a heads up. So I'm just in my cell one day, writing at my little stool combination table thing, bolted to the wall. And all of a sudden, the sun blacks out. This guy, this T-bone has just entered my doorway. I turn around, I'm like, holy shit, you know, is this guy going to sweat me? What the hell does he want?

I'm absolutely shitting myself. My heart's going dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Anyway, I'm like, you know, what's up? And he's like, he starts asking about England and English history. He says he's fascinated by the Romans fascinated by the Romans by the Romans and he wants

to go to England and visits Hadrian's Wall and he's, all he does is read books this guy sounds cool as shit all he does is read military history books so he was a former US Marine, he'd seen action. And when he stood in my doorway, he just had his trousers on, his entire body covered in scars, not weenie scars, like horseshoe

size scars. And every single one was a different life and death prison fight story. He was the ultimate prison gladiator. But not only was he standing up for himself, he was stopping the raping of the young people. And I've got, so my complete journey, well, most of my journey through the jail and the prison was documented in an online blog called John's Jail Journal, J-O-N-S, which started back in 2004.

It's still there if anyone wants to check it out and read it. So I've got a lot of my blog entries in front of me to remind me of the stories that I've not told you guys yet because I did re-listen to the podcast. I've picked out some particularly hard-hitting ones, but Thiebaud, the first conversation with him, I put that online. I'm going to read you what he told me a little bit about himself and about prison rape. So this was back in 2006, 2007, I think.

So I said to him, how much prison time have you done? 18 years since 1986. How many riots have you been through? Four big ones. I saw people losing their lives, heads getting bust open with weights, pipes, baseball bats, picks, shovels, people getting shanked in their eyes. How did it feel to be in those riots? You got to do what you got to do. You got to get down. It's hard for me to explain to people outside of prison the effect of a prisoner calling another

prisoner a punk. If someone calls you a punk, how does it make you feel right away i'm thinking of death i'm not going to go berserk i'm going to wait and catch the person alone the cops won't see it but i'll deal with it how it depends on who's saying it if someone calls me a punk that's like saying i'm a piece of nothing i'm subhuman i have no honor or self-respect that I need to be killed. In prison, you have two things, yourself and your word. Certain words are worse than raping someone. If someone calls me a punk, I'm going to handle my business. White, Mexican-Americans, and Mexicans make up most of the prison population in Arizona.

So you must have experienced a lot of racism. In Arizona, blacks are always at the bottom of the totem pole. I've experienced pure hatred because of the color of my skin. People seething with vile contempt and hate, looking at me like they want to kill me because I'm black, but I'm wearing the same prison clothes, doing the same time. How cheap is life in prison? It means nothing. I've known people killed for as little as $40 worth of heroin. You must have lost count of the fights you've seen. I've seen so many people get annihilated, it's unreal. I've seen cops get stabbed, one in the eye.

You must get sick of it. The raping annoys me the most. It's the foulest thing for a man to do to another man. Back in the day at the walls, every single night someone was getting brutalized. You could hear male flesh pounding male flesh

and nobody stopped it. You couldn't snitch and if you couldn't fight back you were game. Some of the rapers were the size of apes. They'd squeeze the back of the victim's neck to put them unconscious. There was a smell on the run from so many dudes getting raped. Regular dudes, not homosexuals,

getting brutalized, punked, scared to admit they were getting raped. You'd also see big dudes kissing little white boys like they were women, kissing them on the lips and neck. Then all night long, you'd hear the men getting raped. I said, what a nightmare worse gang members

would hold someone down and stick things inside him things yes cans soda bottles shampoo bottles broom handles and metal shanks I've got a lot more to say about T-bone but I'll get your thoughts I'll get your thoughts

anyone else pick which one like i think broom handles is my object of choice if you've never had an issue with that before if you're gonna have to pick one of those i what you went with the broom handle over the sharpened uh yes i did and the shampoo bottles get a lot of girth if i understand it right yeah so at least you get some good out of it. But it's vile. I mean, big T-Bone, he sounds awesome. I like him a lot. But I also liked the way you asked him about like a specific thing. And he was like, I've seen a lot of people get their head caved in.

And then like, that's a specific injury. And so the answer to that should be like yeah the the jail they brought in a 15 pound kettlebell for us so we could work our posterior chains fight off the rapes and and somebody caught one in the head crushed his skull but he didn't just say that he was like weights a really big light bulb at one point trades um leg of a chair uh a guy's a guy that guy with the big hands. You see him on YouTube? A man's leg.

That's like seven different instances of this guy seeing a head caved in with like seven different objects. And that was just top of the head what he could remember that morning. That's wild. That is a horrible, horrible life to lead. But it seems like he was trying to like... And I'm editorializing a lot but it seems like he was trying to like you know and i'm

editorializing a lot but it seems like he was like you know if i'm gonna be here you know i was a marine i was someone who tried to fight for the good well i'll use my body here to try and like protect the weak and the in the rapable so what did t-bone do why was he in prison? Alright, so the T-Bone crime story. He's a little bit of a hypocrite. When T-Bone got out of the Marines, and he saw action in the Marines and he had PTSD from it, he became a bodyguard and he was in the gangster lifestyle,

the night lifestyle, gets on the cocaine, and all of his crimes, and that was back, what, 2006, 2007. He's back in prison now. He must be at 30 plus years right now of incarceration, all revolving around drugs, lifestyle, crimes to finance drugs, that kind of activity.

Now, sadly, T-Bone did get released about five or six years ago. And I was on the phone with him every week trying to get his life story down as a book because I thought that would give him credibility to do talks. He's very religious. He wanted to do talks in churches, in schools. And, you know, his heart, he's got this massive heart, obviously, for protecting these young people he didn't even know from prison rapists. In this cutthroat environment, he's got this massive heart. But I knew.

A massive heart from the cocaine. Maybe enlarged. Yes, that's what happens. So I knew I was in a race against time because he's institutionalized. The prison industries feed off people like him. They have special cops watching him, you know, trying to get him back in the system. We discussed that last time, the economics of it, $60,000 a year of taxpayers'

money when they re-arrest you back to prison. So they swatted him. His neighbor, who was an old lady, they had a shotgun to her head. They were screaming, how do you know this guy and all this shit? And then they get him incarcerated and they say to him, look,

you've done a robbery. We're going to give you 200 years if you go to trial and lose. But just sign this plea bargain right here and we'll just give you a little 15-year sentence. Now, Tebow hadn't done this robbery. This is how they squeeze you into the system without a trial because it costs them money to give you a trial. They think you will be so scared of facing 200 years by rolling the dice at trial especially if you're a black man in arizona that's a very risky proposition they think you will be so scared of that you'll just sign for 15 years for something you've not done so he went and prayed and he came back and he said

look i've prayed i've decided not to do it god's got my back i'm gonna go to trial i'm not gonna accept responsibility for something i've not done so he went to trial and they got the cop on the stand and they said to the cop is this the location where he did the robbery yep was there a camera where in this location yep show us the video of him doing the robbery the cop said we didn't have time to get the video so the jury was like wtf is going on here and they found him not not guilty and he was so happy he thought he was getting out but once the system has got you it has got you so there was a woman in trouble with the cops you know they reduced her charges or whatever gave her a pass to say that t-bone took20 off a countertop in a store.

She got on the stand and said that, and she was believed over the big bad black man, and T-Bone was found guilty, and they gave him 13 years. For $20? Yeah, because of his prior convictions, they enhanced it. Jesus Christ, that's horrific. Isn't it?

That's absolute abomination. was there was there any abomination and there was no even evidence that he even took the 20 other than this woman nothing they don't need a shred of evidence that's pretty scary it's one of those things i imagine you don't realize how scary it is until you're in the mix and you're like oh oh i forget yeah i'm being arrested i'm the side with no institutional power, no outreach. Like, they can just bend me over and fuck. I could be 100% innocent. There are people who sign plea bargains for stuff they've not done

just so they can get out the next day. If you watch that documentary on Netflix, the Khalif Browder story, they said he stole a backpack. He was in Rikers Island. He was getting brutalized. They said, we'll let you out tomorrow. Just sign guilt. And he said, no, I've not stole it.

And he stayed in there and he got even more brutalized. And it's horrible what happens to him. But he could have got out, but he had integrity. So, yeah, it's a really messed up system. But T-Bone was helping these young people, preventing the raping of them in this cutthroat environment. Rape is so common out there. We had to go to a prison rape class to get taught how not to get raped.

Did I tell you about that last time? I don't think so. I could use this information. All right. Prison rape class, right? So we get this little slip under our door saying, you know saying you know you gotta go to the rape class today at such and such a time the guards come and all the prisoners here's how you want to enjoy your rape the most pass the vaseline back this is exactly the conversation how to prevent rape

well it's not rape if you consent end of class This is the conversation on the way to the rape class. You just guessed it. They're saying, are they going to give us rape kits and all this kind of shit? Just joking. And then we get to the rape class, and they got this big, badass, like sheriff-looking guy with a canary cowboy hat on in there who's one of the guards. He's a high-up guard, there who's one of the uh guards he's a high up guard

and he's showing us the video and um so you got predators in a day room on the video and you know the young the new arrivals are hungry and if they take food from the predators the predators are going to come up to them and say you got to pay for that food now what's you're going to get stabbed up well how am i going to pay for that food i've got no money we'll go in that cell over there and do whatever that guy tells you to do now once they fall for that if they do that then it's called getting turned out or becoming a prison punk and there's no coming back for it and they're rented out as prison prostitutes. And the conclusion of the rape class was

to stop rape, you've got to report it. I think we went over all the gang rules last time from the Urian Brotherhood when you go in, what they told me. You can't speak to the guards about anything or it's KOS for snitching. So, yeah, so

T-Bone wasn't just knocking these rapists out. He's getting stabbed, hit in the head with river rocks in socks. Two or three of them at a time. There's all kinds of stories he told me that I wrote down. I'm eventually going to put his book out because he has that... They talk about having the heart of a mountain lion.

Fucking hell, man. Did you learn anything in your rape class where you're like, oh, good. i didn't know that they said if someone puts like sweets under your bed sheets don't take the candy i learned about that the hard way as a child well you know from from the xena story last, the broomstick in her posterior, she did survive that. But other prisoners that she knew had, there was one they put the light bulb in his posterior and made bets on who was going to smash it.

That prisoner didn't survive that day. He killed himself afterwards. But Xena told me lots of stories of people getting gang raped. For T-Bone to be doing that, honestly, bravest man in the world, Xena told me lots of stories of people getting gang raped. For T-Bone to be doing that, honestly, bravest man in the world. Absolute fucking brilliant person. Yeah, they should make an HBO miniseries about it.

They should! It'd be like Oz, but less horrible. Not that Oz was a horrible show, but it is discouraging to watch I hate Oz it makes you like sad to watch it but it's

it's entertaining it is a good show oh come on I regret watching it it's a terrible show it was the timing you might like it more if you didn't have it hanging over your head who would watch it again how could I watch it again? It was awful. It was so depressing.

Just nothing but death, and every time you think that, oh, something good's going to happen, so-and-so's going to get out of prison. No, they're going to frame him up good now. Oh, this guy who we've been rooting for has finally figured it out. Got the upper hand. Now he knows what the score

is. Nope. That was a fake relationship, and now he knows what the score is nope that was a fake relationship and now he's in trouble yeah it's awful i hated that show um and it wasn't a good time to watch it right right before going to prison either probably poor timing poor timing on my part so i i you think you're gonna do a whole book about T-Bone? How does the T-Bone story progress from there? Yeah, I mean, so he was in prison back in the day when I think 60 Minutes did a program on Arizona prison state. It was the most dangerous. This was Florence prison.

It was the most dangerous square mile of real estate in the entire country back then. It was so brutal. I mean, the guards would just take you out to the desert, shoot you in the head and bury you if you know they didn't like you things like that everyone was housed together in this one prison it wasn't all industrialized and spread out like it is now so without the cameras and everything else the brutality was just completely off the scale so over a over a period of years i documented my conversations with t-boneone. But the total documentation story begins back in 2004. I'm in the Maximum

Security Madison Street Jail run by Sheriff Joe Arpaio. My first year I was in Towers Jail. The prosecutor's doing all these dirty tricks on me. She doubled my bail bond, doubled my charges. I was facing 200 years at this point. They stopped my girlfriend from visiting me by indicting her as well for prescription pills found in her house on the day of the raid. When I moved into Mac Security, that was when I moved in with the cockroaches, and I started to write all that stuff down and send it home in letters to my family members.

They suggested we start a blog because blogging was relatively new back then. And there was a blogger out of Baghdad. I think his name was Salem Pax. And he started blogging, you know, when the bombs were falling on Baghdad and it was making the news in the UK. So my family, we had a, you know, a chat about documenting the stuff that was going on in the jail. My mom didn't want us to do it because of all the murders that were going on in the jail by the guards. People like Scott Norberg, mentally ill man, wandering neighborhood. I think I mentioned him last time.

They beat the shit out of him. They were still beating the shit out of him after he turned blue. All these were caught on video and that the jail run by sheriff joy had to pay out over 50 million in lawsuits so my mom was scared shitless about us exposing what was going on in this jail but i was determined to do it because i said to a guard how'd you guys get away with this you know the dead rats in the food the cockroaches all over us at night times guards murdering prisoners and the guard said to me the world has no idea what's going on in here and the public doesn't give a shit about prisoners

so a tiny little pencil like a golf pencil uh sharpened on the cell door i started to write everything down now i couldn't put these things in the mail because the guards could open the mail but my aunt was visiting me in maximum security now in maximum security visits she's behind like a plexiglass screen it's like silence of the lambs when clary starling first meets hannibal lector i've got like leg chains on belly chains on i've got one hand chained to a table and the other I'm able to hold. Other hand full of semen. I've washed that off. I've washed that off before my hand came. Just like in Silence of the Lambs. Multiple minks.

I can smell you. Alright, so she's on the other side of the plexiglass. I'm not allowed to hand anything to my aunt either. I couldn't put what I wrote in the mail. The guards could open the mail. So what I did was I hid what I wrote in legal papers

and old letters and documents I could release to my aunt through the visitation guard. So to do that, I had to put a request in. I'm penguins shuffling up to the visitation room with this pile of old letters and stuff it's all hidden in there so the guard takes it puts it on his table

I'm talking to my aunt looking over at that stuff at the corner of my eye my heart rate is up thinking he's going to look through it and suss out what I've written and there's going to be consequences but they're trained to look for contraband you know syringes, drugs, cash, things like that.

So we didn't check it out properly. At the end of the visit, the paperwork was handed to my aunt. And she took them home in Arizona, typed them up, emailed them to my family in England. And that's how my blog, John's Jail Journal, started. And the first stuff I wrote down was when the jail had had no running water for three days. And I knew we were in trouble

when the mound of crap in the toilet had risen above the water level. Oh, no. Yeah. So inmates display, you know, remarkable ingenuity during these difficult occasions. And the solution was to shit in the plastic bags the moldy breakfast bread is served in.

And then you just keep those bags in your cells until you're allowed out for a shower and put them in the trash downstairs. So that was the solution. But you had to wait on all that. It took a long period of time to get the crap out and you're filling bags with shit what the fuck although hold on I do like how you said that you're like oh these prisoners

they are ingenious in these scenarios the solution was to take a bag and put the shit in it and then take it out so so so that was that was the first day my writing was writing about that the whole building reeked like a giant port-a-loo and we're sleeping right next to the toilet it's like living in a bathroom your toilets there your bunks are there so we put a towel over the toilet to try and reduce the smell. Now, the next day of my write-in, my cellmate, he's been holding

his shit in for days because he doesn't want to do a dump when there's this big pile of crap already over the water level, but he can't hold it in any longer. So he pinches his nose, lifts the towel from the toilet and says,

there's way too much crap to crap on, dog. I'm going to use the bag. So as etiquette demands, I roll over on my bunk and face the wall. I hear something hit the rim of the seatless toilet and him say, damn, I missed some. Is it like pissing in a bottle on a road trip where you're like, I'm filling up! I'm filling up!

So he puts the bag of crap near the cell door, which made the smell even worse in the cell, where he's got it on the fucking rim of the cell, the shit. Because we've got no rainwater, we can't clean that off, so that looks like a fucking crustacean on the rim.

There's a cheap barnacle on here. And then we were hoping to be allowed out of the cell to dispose of the bag, but a guard announced, we've got no running water, we're going to have to get 120 inmates water from emergency containers so you're all staying locked down. Now, hours and hours later,

the water came back on in stages. In our toilet, its level slowly rose. So I said, oh, shit. It's about to overflow. This is about to be a cataclysmic event. It's about to overflow, and we're going to be stuck in here with sewage all over the floor. Quick, what did the ingenious criminals do?

The cellmate, what he said was, one of us needs to stick his hand in the crap to let the water through, and you're the closest, dog. You're the closest, like in an 8 by 10 foot room, you're nine inches closer. Hey, you're the closest like in an eight by ten foot room you're nine inches closer hey you're closer man i'm 11 inches further this way i don't make the walls of prison put your hands in there i was a few inches closer i grabbed it was too late to do anything. I grabbed the sandwich bag and I put it on my hand. And I said, I can't believe I'm doing this. I plunged my hand into the mound and the mound sucked the bag off my hand. mound sucked the bag of my hand

and up and up to my elbow in sewage. I dug until the water level sank. I'll never forget it. There was even like pieces of grapefruit peel mixed with the shit

and everything. And then... Wait a minute. Let's not gloss gloss over that it's a mongrel in the prison he was eating not know how to properly peel a grapefruit and just some guy down there in the common area like man this fruit sucks as an asides of this story though um sheriff joe opaio prided himself on feeding us the moldy food. I think we discussed it last time. He was making news headlines for cleaning up grapefruits

from rat-infested neighborhoods. So that had been our breakfast fruit. They had been these grapefruits from the rat-infested neighborhoods. Now, we've got no trash can. So at the inception of the water problem, we'd been throwing grapefruit peel down the toilet and that that formed a base over the crap that yeah so i'm digging through all this and the water did go down my cellmate's like i owe you one dog i'm like it's your turn next time you owe me five or seven. But the combination sink water had not come back on.

So I could not wash my arm. I sat on a stool till a guard let us out for showers hours later. Just fucking caked in crap. And most of it wasn't even your crap.

They chose you because you were close. That doesn't seem like a fair system. Were you the lowest seniority in this group? Was there something aside from you're closest to the toilet? No, honestly, I was just acting fast. Yeah, we just had to do it right away. It's funny you mention that reaching in elbow deep because I can really picture it

because I rewatched the original Jurassic Park for the first time last night since I was a child and when the lady was trying to discover why the triceratops is sick and she's reaching in. Except that was like an herbivore shit. Herbivore shit isn't half as gross. Isn't a quarter as gross as carnivore shit. Like, you know, Kyle, you grew up around a bunch of cows cow shit is still disgusting but there is something about like if you saw a pile of cow shit in a pile of human shit and you had to clean one of them up i'd clean i'd

be like yeah i'll take this in the next 10 cows i'll say the human if you step in cow shit you're like oh dang glad i wore my boots you step in cow shit, you're like, oh dang, glad I wore my boots. If you step in human shit, you're like, what the fuck? Who's shit here? Yeah. Cow shit's mostly going to come off in the grass on its own because it's largely grass. I interviewed a prison guard.

Let me just tell you a little side story on this. So, in England, they got this thing called Dirty Protests. They're called shitslingers in America. I don't know if we went over all the shitslinger stories last time, but I dirty protests and they call shitslingers in America. I don't know if we went over all the shitslinger stories last time, but I've got a lot of shitslinger stories. I'm sure.

So I'm including, uh, the Rambo of the shitslingers was this guy called Magnum. He was, Oh yeah, well we could get to that. But I interviewed a prison guard on my true crime podcast and they said that,

you know, they were doing dirty protests day after day. They smeared shit all over the cell walls and everything. And they figured out a way to stop it. And the way to stop it was when they let these guys go out for recreation, instead of putting them back in their own cells, they put them in each other's cells. So they had to smell each other's shit that had been caked on the walls.

And it stopped. That stopped the process quite quickly. That's a high IQ solution. That's a very good, so they had to smell each other's shit that had been caked on the walls and it stopped that stopped the process quite quickly that's a high iq solution yeah that's a very good because like you get let back into your own shitty room and you're like yeah we're protesting but they're like no you're in room 2b and it's like oh well i understand josh is also protesting but this is disgusting like oh what is josh eating how is josh eating the same mandatory meals as me how's he making this into that cauldron of a body oh that's so awful yeah it would be terrible oh i i so go no no no go ahead go ahead the dirty protest all right yeah so so my writing started

in the maximum security madison street jail it was at the tail end of that that visit and i did write a blog entry was my final blog entry from the jail and this one really did capture the hell on earth fucking nature of that place no joke yeah all right so 13th of july 2004 a sudden space of tragedies has compelled me to write this entry at the weekend two inmates on my floor attempted to commit suicide one threw himself off the balcony and survived the other was discovered trying to hang himself sadder still an inmate housed in a medium security pod was found dead in the shower. Inmates are often smashed in the shower area because it is out of view of the cameras.

The jail has refused to release the cause of his death. The temperature outside is 114 degrees Fahrenheit. The trickle of air into our cells feels like hot air blowing from a hair dryer. We are soaked in sweat all day and night. It is difficult to write on this sweat-moistened paper. The majority now have skin infections and rashes, which persistently itch. My skin is so soggy from perspiration that when I scratch it, the skin detaches, and I end up with clumps of it under my fingernails.

Between the sweat trickling down my body and the cockroaches tickling my limbs, it is impossible to sleep properly. Last night, while sleeping on my side, my ear filled up with sweat. And when I moved my head, the sweat spilled onto my face. I woke up startled, feeling like someone was touching my cheek. I once asked a guard how the jail's administration got away with this, and he said, the world has no idea what goes on in here. When I was a small child, I imagined hell consisted

of caves in which the damned were trapped, tortured and burnt. I imagined serpents and indescribable creepy crawlies tormenting the captives. I never imagined man's nature could be so hateful as to recreate these conditions on Earth. That was what it was like back then as a doc,

as I documented it in real time. I didn't even know your ear could fill up with sweat. Oh, like, like just like water, like, just like you got out of the pool and you kept your head like that on purpose.

And then it just rolled over your, that's disgusting. Well, that sounds just awful. I'm, I'm uncomfortable listening to it. That's so horrible. Everybody, the majority, have skin infections now.

It looked like it spilled battery acid on my leg at one point. Really? It was just burning constantly? Just like open sores. And they just don't give a shit. There's no sense of urgency or i mean and i'm sure there's like an offsetting of responsibility right like the guards are like i'm not in charge of any of this i don't really care that's the management i'm just

walking around and then the management it's like oh well they're all scumbag rapist murderers who cares they can be sweaty so when when i was moved over to maximum security i did end up with a crystal meth chemist as a cellmate and he was really good he had my back and he helped me with can be sweaty so when when i was moved over to maximum security i did end up with a crystal meth chemist as a cellmate and he was really good he had my back and he helped me with the arian brotherhood who had problems with me uh teaching the mexicans and he also taught me how to play the system he said if you put in a request for medical on one form you got to beg it from the guy getting to sign all this shit it's rigole. If you only put in one form, it's like a lottery ticket.

You've got to put forms in every single day. So I started putting forms in every single day about my bed sores and shit. And I did manage to get to see, I got taken out to medical and got to saw a doctor, probably banned from public practice. Were you having the rest of your friends fellow cellmates at the time like hey we're all doing this or was it just you were just submitting a

bunch or did you get everybody i was asking them to get forms from the guards for me so i could submit more myself oh okay so i go to this this doctor and you know i had bleeding bed sores on my buttock so he told me to drop my black and white striped trousers and my pink boxer shorts and bend over, and he's looking at these bed sores. And he did give me antifungal ointment to take back to my cell. So I'm putting this antifungal ointment on my bed sores. This is months later now when I was in a cell, I think, on my own.

And a guy appeared at my window. You know, I'm half naked. This guy looks through the window and he disappears. And I got a love letter shoved under my door a few hours later, commenting on my hairy arse and proposing we have a gay prison marriage. And, in fact, his exact words were, I'm looking forward to shampooing your hairy ass

on our honeymoon in San Francisco. Oh, that's so sweet. He's a bit of a romantic. I like this guy. Now, I know it wasn't what you were looking for, but you didn't say this is a man with bad eyesight. Coastal! Was he cute? Alright, this is now man with bad eyesight right yeah i i gotta ask was he was he cute all right this

this is now my introduction to frankie frankie was a mexican mafia hitman he showed me his paperwork fifty thousand dollars it was his fee for murder for hire he was in for conspiracy for murder and uh he was he was genuinely bisexual but he was a chess champ, and he'd heard about my chess playing skills, so he had come to my window that day to challenge me to chess. He saw me with my trousers down, bent over, putting the antifungal ointment

on the bleeding red sores on my behind, and he said it was love at first sight. So I... I don't know. Does anyone else feel like we have to see the behind to know? Frankie seems pretty nice so far. He did. He had my back.

Not my backside. He had my back. And, you know, he was coming on to me throughout many months that he was housed. I was housed. A little piece of you flattered? Yeah, you know, if you go to gay bar and the fellas come up to you you do feel a bit

flattered. I'm not. There's so many homophobic people out there and it's all nonsense, isn't it? People should just get along with everybody. He wanted me to do naked yoga for him. He wanted me to play strip chess and all that shit. Not with him, for him?

So you were going to be doing yoga alone to no tape in a cell for him? He just wanted to bang his bishop while watching it. Did you say he was a chess grandmaster and now he wants to play strip chess? Probably not a grandmaster and now he wants to play grandmaster there's a lot of guys in prison who become chess champions but they have no way to measure it

really but put it this way you know i was in a chess club when i was a kid i was beating the adults and i it my chess thing rekindled in in jail i was the champion up until that point and frankie kicked my fucking ass and my parents had to send chess books in so that I could keep up with him and every now and then they'd overtake him with the chess books but then he'd formulate new strategies and he'd start winning again, I had to get more chess books sent in

That's fun I've got a funny story about him right, from Supermax so in Supermax you very rarely get out your cell so they pass things through fishing lines now officially line is you know a strip of sheet or cloth or cotton or whatever you put a weight on it like toothpaste and you throw it under your door and you even got people throwing them from the upper tier down to the bottom tier they you connect your end with their end tie them together and you can pass whatever you want from cell to cell and i remember

from the upper to the bottom you mean you just slide it so hard under the door that it like goes over the the railing or the side yeah it goes goes off over the run where people can walk across it goes under the door over where people walk across off the railing and down to the bottom tier to the floor and i remember one time looking out my window looking out at the at the area outside and it was like poltergeist you could see like a bag of this was moving this way an envelope was moving this way was going this way. The peanut butter was going this way. Anyway, Frankie, the frisky fella he was, he got someone to hold on to one end.

He tied the other end around his dick and the person in the other cell was giving it that. All right. We made fun of the ingenuity of the prisoner. The Bobby Fisher of prison. Now this is ingenuity of the prisoner. The Bobby Fischer of prison. Yeah, now this is ingenious.

All right, so here's the question. Tricking another prisoner into jacking you off is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. That's really, really good. What did he do? Tell him he was operating some sort of very complex tattoo gun? Yeah, faster, faster. It's coming out real good.

Stop! It's too sensitive! gun yeah faster faster coming out real good stop it's two cents but yes i made friends i made friends with a guy who was on the cleanup crew for the shitslingers so the shitslingers are in supermax they're housed in a certain area i picture the slitch the shitslingers as having matching jackets i i know they don't but i picture them having matching jackets let's say ss except it's very nazi-esque but they say it's for shit slingers yeah everyone in the whole prison match carry on basic shit slinging might be then you know you just get get some crap or some piss, throw it on a guard, throw it on an enemy. Or if you want to be a bit more productive,

you could like get a chicken bone, put some crap on it, make a blowpipe and dart the person going past your cell. And bear in mind that, you know, there's a lot of hepatitis in prison. And if you want to be more devious, you can like let the shit and piss sit for days until mould grows on it and it's more toxic but the magnum, I'm sorry the Rambo

of the shitslingers was a guy called Magnum and he was really harassing the guards, getting them constantly so shampoo bottle tube, he had a bazooka basically where he could spray shit so he would he would like stomp on it and it would spray shit everywhere

yeah this whole cell rigged up this whole cell rigged up with shit magnum's even cooler than fucking t-bone but did what was like i'm curious what is like the the feel towards magnum from the other prisoners when he does stuff like that are they like you get a magnum that's hilarious or is it like stay away from that guy he's gross all right because i was i wasn't housed on the schittslinger row i only got these stories from the cleanup crew guy so i don't know you know how um applauded he was by the people he was housed with okay but the guards were having none of it so they went in his cell they took all of his appliances they got him completely naked and they handcuffed him behind his back

like cuffs you know ankle cuffs belly c everything, completely naked, and put him in a dry cell where he had nothing whatsoever. Now, in this dry cell, there's just like a hole in the middle of the cell where piss can go down. There's nothing else in the cell. But they underestimated. Did he fill his mouth? Tell me he filled his mouth. They underestimated his mouth. They underestimated his resolve.

So at head height is an area where the guards can open and look in on him every 20-30 minutes security walk, got to check on him. So Magnum crapped on the floor of the dry cell,

turned his body around so he could mouth it, and then raised his head to head height, waiting for the next guard to do a security walk while his saliva is

blending into the... He's brewing it. I feel like I have the ingenuity to be a shitslinger. Right? I called it. This is fucking disgusting. The guards have a protective visor, right?

So the guard's head pops up at the door, slot opens, Magnum's face, Magnum's mental face, he's right there. The guard sees this. He's coming at him. The guard gets so freaked out and shocked and scared,

he puts his head back like that. And it goes up inside the visa, up his nose and in his eyes. And he probably got hep out of it. Well, yeah, that's the gamble there yep yep so that was that's brutal i mean stomping on the the shampoo bottle with the straw in it though as a form of here's the problem with that though great here's the problem i can just imagine someone going to the ward and i mean like do you know that they're so sweaty down there their skin is almost coming off of them do you know that one of them shat on the floor the other day mouthed it and then waited half an hour for a guard to pass so that he could spit it into his eyes. No I did not know that warden.

I'm so sorry for wasting your time here today. I have some moldy bread I'd like to donate. The way you say he mouthed it. Really undersells the way that he was. I'll say he was beginning to eat his shit. There's no way there was zero drippage in the back of the throat as he's standing there. For how long do you think? 20, 30, 40, 50?

An hour? I reckon it could have been up to 20, 25 minutes max. Standing there with a mouth full of shit. How many times is you're standing there in prison in the middle of the room hole cell with a mouth full of shit before you're like, when did, when did my life go off the rails? Like when did it become unsalvageable that now my main thing is building up a reputation as the guy who's willing to semi swallow the most nasty things.

So he can get a glancing blow off of a guy who just wants to go home and like play madden some of these people are gone they're completely gone they're serving forever they're mentally gone and they've got nothing to lose and they just don't give a fuck they need to make sense guy a deck of cards or something so that he'll stop pooping on them what was his main lately he's protesting i suppose that's why he is doing these horrible things what is he protesting specifically or is it just the prison conditions in general the cleanup crew guy just said to me that the shitslingers are just people who are crazy deserving life sentences and you know some of them are just sat in there all day all day just playing with their own poo i i love how they're i love how you phrase it like they're like their own like kind of

ancillary clan in this mad max world we're like the arian we're like the arians the arians and uh 13 or whatever the the hispanic gang is like they are aware of the shit slingers. They know of them, but they don't deal with them in any way. And so like, if there were some sort of hero to come into this world and save things, one of the first thing he would do is he would go, we need to talk to the shit slingers.

And then they would overcome their irreconcilable differences and be like, fine, you can still spit shit at people, but you have to do it. My rules. And, and then they would, they would fight back against the powers that be. Yeah. the last few seconds of audio i'm gonna reach out to

netflix who are you again no i'm telling you it's a good idea it's okay two million dollars an episode. The shitslingers are a lot unto themselves. Yeah. They're like in 300. Do you remember the Immortals? Yes. Who kind of played for the Persians but it was also like and the Immortals

fighting for the Persians but mostly for themselves. Like that kind of shit. That's what they're like. The ultimate warriors who will clam on to any sort of cause as long as they can spit shit at people who are the the golden knights is that who it was in game of thrones they're like the golden army they were the golden knights of the vegas hockey team the gold oh golden army that's uh that's the lannisters right no so So in Game of Thrones, there was like this army they were going to hire that was going to make this really big difference. The Golden Company.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they spent like a season and a half talking about the finance related to the Golden Company. And they folded like a house of cards. Something that folds easily. And it was yet another season eight- ism like oh i see yeah they all for a good 15 seconds uh yeah that was funny like seasons five six and seven they're like the gold company's coming to assist and then it's like no explanation some guy like well

unfortunately gold coast you know 501 c4 folded due to insolvency and it's like well fuck man we were hoping something would happen here we saw them we met them they just had they just sucked i don't know yeah there were like 11 of them what are you gonna do who gives how much money can you demand you're eating you're eating hard bread like i don't

know so what is uh i guess what is a conspiracy or esoteric thing you've looked into kind of a two-part question one that you went into thinking it was total bullshit and maybe you got flipped a little bit and then maybe another you went into kind of convinced and then you unconvinced yourself through the research or if either one is better just go and then you unconvinced yourself through the research or if either one is better just go so when i was incarcerated i was reading books and stuff and prisoners would come up to me this is back in like you know almost 20 years ago now prisoners would come up to me and say you know you didn't get away with your ecstasy trafficking because you never paid off the cops and the

politicians and don't you know the cia brings the coke in and i was thinking you know these guys are just disgruntled because they're in here and making this stuff up and now i've written a whole war on drugs series of books documenting everything i was told i wrote america made about barry seal the pilot that was bringing the coke into arkansas George H.W. Bush. And Bill Clinton was providing the state security, the state troopers. And because Clinton played ball with the CIA, he got awarded the White House. And back then, Clinton's brother, Roger, got busted buying Coke for Bill. And he got busted on the video saying to the undercover cop, my brother's got a nose like a vacuum cleaner

you can't argue that conspiracy is not true anymore yeah that that the the clintons and the cia i guess when was this when was this period because i know so george h. bush oliver norr felix rodriguez these were the cia. They were bringing the coke in. Barry Seale was flying the weapons down to Nicaragua. And then they were bringing the coke back in to Arkansas. And it was all going very well until two young boys were found dead on the railway tracks who had stumbled upon the operation. They'd been executed, laid side by side on the railway tracks. And it was made to look like the train had run over them and one of the dads worked on the train tracks and he knew that was impossible the fact that the blood was not fresh was a heads up to the emergency service that arrived on the

scene but what did the Clintons do they brought in what's his name F? Fami Malik, the coroner, a coroner who helped Bill's mom get out of a situation. And Fami Malik's verdict was the boys had smoked so much weed, they'd gone into a psychosis and laid side by side on the railway tracks and the train had run over them. And to this day, Linda Iives the mama one of them is still campaigning for justice for her kid she's confronted bill clinton he's blown her off over the years and my book clinton bush and cia conspiracies it's the stories of four people whose lives weave together and they include linda ives g Webb, and Kiki Camerino,

the guy who Narcos Mexico is about. Oh, yeah. Wait, isn't he the guy who was tortured to death horribly? Yes. I knew a pilot for the Sinaloa cartel who was involved in things back then. He was an American guy, and he worked both sides. He's dead now. That's the only reason I'm authorized to tell these stories because he died a few years ago he said don't ever say any any of

this stuff while i'm alive and he told me that he did work for both sides he worked for the cartel and he worked for the feds and when he he never murdered anyone when he was working for the cartel he only murdered people when he was working for the u.s government and he explains to me how it all worked so from the very beginning beginning, where the prisoners were telling me that this conspiracy exists and I wasn't believing them, now I'm speaking to an actual cartel pilot who knew all about the CIA

and the deals the cartels have with the US government and the weapons they buy in exchange. So here's how it sets up. You'll have one cartel, for example, El Chapo, who's working with the Mexican government and they're buying all these weapons from America to fight the war

on drugs but those weapons are applied to the rival cartels so the Mexican government can say yeah America we're fighting the war on drugs look at all these raids they're making but they're wiping out El Chapo's enemy but it gets to the point where El Chapo gets so powerful,

the government has to hand him over to America. So the cartel leaders are fall guys. Most of that money from the cocaine sales ends up permanently in the hands of the Mexican government, the heads of the army, the heads of the police. It doesn't matter who they arrest, Chapo, Escobar, Cali. These guys just come and go they are the bogeymen in the war on drugs most of the money is going to the biggest

mafia in the world which is the politicians and from the early parts of the the mexican cartel in the 80s the the president of mexico he retired to a castle in ireland with half a billion net worth which could not be explained the source of and i believe that that's where he lives to this day i mean if you want to really nice if you're trying to escape as a former mexican drug lord a castle in ireland is like the furthest away so what you're saying is this guy's dope as fuck is that the the core awesome taylor taylor when when an investigator shows up at his castle, what's the accent he uses

to convince them he's a good old local Irish boy? He used to ride drugs. Jump a point, you witcher! Jump a point, you witcher. He just does that. No, I'm just trying to, you know, just enjoy, you know,

I don't know know the color green. What the fuck is going on here? The cheese, is that a thing? That is insane. And it's easy, like I know, because the HW stuff is wild. It's easy to just forget because like when someone becomes president, it's like you think of them like, oh, oh that was that president and you don't think about like that leading up to it like hw was like an absolute garbage piece of shit head of the cia for a long time like actively taking place and destabilizing south american governments moving coke he he helped create i think like he

was i think ahead of the cia when they began that like fucking over black people with crack in inner city areas or maybe it was the guy before him but like clinton and him ramped it up and he george hw bush was asked at a dinner private dinner you know how on earth can you be running this war on drugs while bringing the drugs in how can you get away with that and bush's answer was it's so far removed from the possibilities of what may be happening in the americans minds no one would ever believe it were possible yeah yeah like if you told someone like oh the u.s is assisting the cartels and moving drugs because it's financially beneficial to them you'd be like no nah and then and then like that would be it oh that guy's a kooky conspiracy theorist he seems to think that these giant multi-billion dollar international businesses have shady shit going on yeah and clinton he's a legal business and clinton like i said who his brother got busted buying coke for him. He ended up locking a record amount of nonviolent drug users, including women, hundreds of thousands of them, to fill the private prisons.

So the hypocrisy is absolutely staggering. At the time, there was this culture war against these, what do they call them? Super predators or something like that. And the idea was that it was Hillary. I remember. Yeah. Yeah. There was this thought process that like people were going to prison, learning how to be very good prisoners,

teaching each other, lifting weights. And they were coming out like jacked and scarier and better trained and becoming better prisoners. And that's three strikes you're out kind of got employed and um at being tough on crime was a very politically popular position to take and all of america was lined up i was lined up i think i was wrong but that's what i believed at the time yeah yeah because it well it's easy to get most of the population lined up

on stuff like when you look back and you realize stuff like, it's easy to get most of the population lined up on stuff. Like, when you look back and you realize stuff like that, it's like... Who's for crime? What do... Yeah, crime. Who's for child pornography? No one's for that, but they use it to launder censorship. Well, people who consume it aren't against it, but they launder in internet bills in the modern day where, oh, you don't want to be tracked with your real

name and shit well you must want pedophiles to win and it's like well no just because you can't vote against the child online protection act without seeming like a monster even if that act has a bunch of shit in there that's about tracking people you know so they can always launder what they want through the media yeah the media

was showing you know all these crack monsters and crack babies. And also, they portray that prisoners are just pedophiles, rapists, serial killers. But when I got there, I saw the average arrest was a young person with a bit of weed getting like a two to five year sentence. And if you look at the stats

at the peak of the war on drugs, the highest arrest category was weed possession, almost a million arrests a year they go in as potheads they become heroin addicts they become nazis they've got criminal records they don't stand a chance their lives are ruined they give them 50 on the door they say have a nice day when they're getting released and they come right back as soon as they come back 60 000 of taxpayers money to the prison yeah by design a regular person of the public i'm talking about me at that time felt like they were in there for armed robbery they were in there for mugging they were in there for like i don't know beating up nice people who didn't do anything because that's what the news

like i remember like it the news isn't like this anymore but i remember growing up the news being a lot about like the eight crimes that happened tonight are you kidding that's exactly what the news is now oh to me it's about politics maybe i guess i watch csn i think what it is i watch cable news instead of local news now but growing up we had local news we i didn't have cnn growing up i think we had the channel but nobody knew how to dial it in so we'd watch 47 and 13 and 21 or whatever our local stations were and you'd hear about the crimes of the night and so like those were the people you thought of when you thought criminal you thought the guy wearing a mask who's gonna beat you up at night and rob you or break into your house or or rape

or murder yeah boys bad boys what you're gonna do what you're gonna do when they come yeah you imagine the most intense heartless killers will smith led me wrong i watched that movie and i took it to be a historical documentary and that is not how law is enforced r.i.p mart wait who else was in that martin lawrence he's still alive oh he's a career though oh well you know what everyone let's all thank god that martin lawrence is still with us he's not great. Okay, well, let's give a little thanks to God. And, you know, usually when they do one of those movies where your buddy who's a star does the sequel, so he can shape at least.

He's not in shape. Oh, he wasn't in shape in Bad Boys 2, you mean? 3, I think they just did. I think they did Badder Boys. They just made Bad Boys 3? Man, striking while the iron is hot with that i i do do most people in their 20s even know what bad boys is i i don't know if they do or not i think the song is so like catchy that like it like they know because they know who like elvis they know the bad boys

bad boys like they know that song i would say almost yeah like they don't when they hear that song they don't do what you do they don't't think, oh, Will Smith in that mediocre movie. I thought the first one was good. I thought the second one was good and more violent, aggressive than you'd guess. Yeah, they had Joe Pantolioni in anything. The guy from The Matrix with the shaved head. Oh, I like him. It was Ralphie and the Sopranos.

Sean, when you're not exploring all this stuff, what are your kind of hobbies? What are the shows you enjoy watching? Because we bullshit about fake things. That's what my core competency is. I've just finished The Witcher stuff, and I'm on season four of Ozark. Yes. Yeah.

We're watching the same shit. Last night, I watched i'm up to through episode five i got six and seven left in that first half that is the best show on tv i have to definitely i haven't gotten to it yet i i've been watching that that uh that silly superhero show on hbo uh uh peacemaker and uh or is it peacekeeper now i can't remember but it's funny it's great i mean they suggest it right when you open the app so i wrote down peacemaker that's what you Peacemaker, or is it Peacekeeper? Now I can't remember, but it's funny. It's great. They suggest it right when you open the app. I wrote down Peacemaker. That's what you called it before.

Yeah, yeah. It's really good. The newest episode came out today. It comes out every Thursday, so I've been watching as it goes. I haven't picked up Ozark yet. I was disappointed to hear that they're only releasing half the season because one of the benefits of Ozark is that it's on HBO, and they don't do that nonsense that everyone else does they give it to me give me everything all now don't you fucking divvy it out to me an episode at a time or three

or four at a time don't you decide how hungry i am tonight i want all this is america i want all you can eat how much ozark do i How much do you have? I want 12 out. Yeah. I mean, but like, like to speak to your concerns, like I was, and I'm like,

I noticed when shows drop off, like shows that I enjoy, even I noticed when they fall off and they kind of get distant from what eventually made me like them. Ozark has not done that. Like I even went to this season. I'm like, Oh,

they had a nice big break. Like, I hope this was all written beforehand. So it's all, all you know above board and not some nonsense they made up but yeah it's still tremendous like it's a fantastic show i don't know i like that the main character in ozark justin bateman what's his name i don't know anyway he's competent i like that he's competent he's good at his job he's especially the lead male I feel like there's this king of queens Homer Simpson bullshit why is dad always an idiot

I fucking hate I'm done with the trope I'll tell you why it's marketing yeah you take the white male you make him an absolute jackass fucknard and now you have a show I'm done with that I like that Jason Bateman is equal to anyone else in this and he

is like and it's funny because he's not just equal like my wife and i both noticed since we watched the show it's like he is the only one like if that whole scenario with you know when the cartel and navarro was like marty i know you're a single man and i need you to launder these billion dollars for me over the next five years. If it was just Marty and he was a single bachelor with an Xbox in that house, he'd be like, yeah, no problem. I'll do it in my spare time.

That would have been genuinely the end of the show. I thought in previous seasons, his wife, Wendy, was becoming... She began very aggressive and manipulative and that's that's what makes her interesting so i wouldn't want to change that that's why she's interesting she's very good at playing those interpersonal situations but she

more ruthless than mrs snell is oh my god she's she's like surpassed uh jolene or whatever snell and in her ruthlessness but she like it's gotten to the point in this fourth season where it's like she she's ruthlessly evil she needs to be stopped wendy needs to be stopped because it's still the same thing of marty like wendy trying to be like i'm gonna fucking kill the snails and marty being like that doesn't seem like a prudent move right now. Let's calm down. Let's have dinner. And like, like just doing his thing. And Marty is my favorite character. And the son, the son. You'll see this when you start watching this season, Kyle.

The son becomes a much bigger part of it. I want to talk about the daughter, actually. The most attractive member of the family. When was this filmed and how old is she in real life? Dude, that's I keep getting distracted because they say like the boy is supposed to be 14 in this season, which is hilarious because he hit like multiple growth spurts throughout the pandemic and he looks 18. And the girl is supposed to be like 16 or something. And she looks like she's in her mid 20s. I'm not ripping on her or anything.

But when I see her, I'm not like, like oh how's this girl gonna pass her sats sats not the test you take in missouri it's the act here you know come on guys let's let's do your research but uh because they're in the ozarks they're oh they said they would take yeah they say like you gotta get your sats and it's like no it's act in missouri oh and they're and they're drinking miller light in one of the scenes. You can't drive to 15 stores around me and try and find a place that has more than one 12-pack. It's St. Louis. It's all Bud Light here. There's like Coors and Miller barely has a place in the stores here.

Your criticisms of Ozark are shit. They are shit. But I also am saying I am also. The show is called Ozark. Look, if you're going to name your show Atlanta and everybody's in there drinking a non-original beer, I could see it, I guess. It would work. Kyle, literally the same thing.

The largest soda producer, the largest beer producer, if they had a show called Atlanta and they were all drinking Pepsi, that would distract you. You'd be like, this is not Pepsi land. You would know that Pepsi paid out because there's no way. Miller Lite paid out. That would know that Pepsi paid out because there's no way. Yeah. Miller Lite paid out. That's why that happened. That's why they show the guy walking in with the full brand on display.

Like, oh, I'm just going to enjoy some Miller Lite. I do like that It's Always Sunny does that because they'll even have the blue bottles of Coors. Like, God, it's cold. Remember in there. I'm like, oh, yeah, right, boys? I don't know if you guys remember this like many many years ago like probably 15 years ago uh cores used to have a campaign where it was like when the eyes when the beer's cold the mountains are as yeah blue as the rockies and so like your cold cores like if it was a warm bottle of aluminum cores or can

the the mountains would be white and when it gets cold it turned blue and so they're like when the mountains turn blue you know your beer's ready to drink and and sunny made a huge deal about that in like 2006 like season two they're like i want a beer no not that one the mountains aren't even blue yet how do i know it's cold give me the coldest beer where are the bluest mountains like but then Coors must have noticed because they sponsored him for like years and years and you saw them drinking Coors all the time with the blue mountains on the bottles i i didn't even know if they were sponsored i thought they were almost like i still wouldn't be surprised if they were doing it ironically i don't know what the biggest beer in philly is. Does the Northwest have

a macro brew like that? The Midwest has all Anheuser-Busch. I guess the whole world has Anheuser-Busch, but then there's Coors and the Rockies, Miller. Isn't Sam Adams popular up there? That's where they make it, I know. I know the commercials leave it. Sam Adams isn't Northeast. That could be it. Sam Adams is a pretty big name. It is

Northeast? Taylor said the word's Northwest. Oh, I heard Northeast. I was saying like Northwest is more Coors because that's... Maybe I didn't follow properly. Maybe it's me. I couldn't have either. I'm very high.

On the subject of beer and cider, my best friend from childhood, Wildman, died just over a year ago. He was the co-host on my podcast. He got really popular. It was trending on Twitter, RIP Wildman died just over a year ago. He was the co-host on my podcast. He got really popular. It was trending on Twitter, RIP Wildman. So RIP Wildman, thank you for all the people who sent messages of love and support. But I lost Wildman, but I gained a friend from 20 years ago. He tracked me down. I think he saw my Nat Geo documentary. They've just done another one as well, which I can tell you about later on.

But this guy, his name's Bruno, and he was an enforcer for Little Italy, for the Italians in the jail who served time with me and Wildman. He was an enforcer when the Italians took over from the Urian Brotherhood, which I told you about in the last episode. I've interviewed Bruno twice on my channel now, but he would be a great one to bring on. He's like a character out of the Sopranos. He's fucking classic.

Oh, that sounds great. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Did I, did I tell you the full little Italy story last time? No,

you didn't remind us. Yeah. Did I tell you about wild men throwing story last time? No, you didn't. Remind us. Did I tell you about wild men throwing the communion at the priest? No, you did not tell us about the little Italy story. So I'd love to hear about these wild Italians. All right. Well, I told you about the race riot, didn't I? You told us about one. I imagine you experienced many. All right.

So there's three stories in a row here that are in chronological order that are quite long. The first one then is a pre-story to the race riot, because this leads up to the Aryans and Little Italy. So the precursor to the race riot, the race riot was formulated by a guy called Gravedigger, who was a cage fighter. He was like six foot seven, six foot eight. It was ridiculous. He had a tattoo of the devil as a puppet master.

And the guards... You keep coming out with cooler characters. Right? He would get in fights and the guards just liked to watch it. They wouldn't stop him. And he'd get someone down in a wrestling lock and his arms were like chisels. His elbows were like chisels. He'd have someone down in a wrestling lock and his arms were like chisels his elbows

like chisels he'd just be like he'd have some down a wrestling lock he'd just be chiseling the fuck out of people's heads pools of blood just forming around them yeah so so so gravedigger he was a formidable character fortunately for me when he moved in my building um he had met wild man and wild man gave him a note to pass to me which which helped me to an extent but even though the urans were sweating me to bring drugs in through my girlfriend but yeah so gravedigger became our head of the whites in our building because the previous head in the of the whites got run out by him and his name was Carter so what was happening was Carter has no chance

versus Gravedigger no way he had no chance to get Smackdown Gravedigger you got a tough order in front of you, you got to deal with Al and so the race riot came about because they tried to

run smackdown out of the building and they did run him out of the building but the build-up to that was smackdown was he was the head of the blacks and he was bullying people of all races for from the commissary now carter was the head of the whites and when grave digger and he hadn't been like saying anything to smack down because he knew smackdown would probably fucking twat him so he'd been quite mild mannered towards him but as soon as grave digger comes in the building and now he's with the woods and he's this guy who can you know beat anyone up in in the in the fucking building probably carter starts to grow balls and we're all at that shower for breakfast one morning and carter starts to say like you know you need to stop sweating people dog to smackdown and smackdown's like who are you talking to fool

like that and carter's like you heard me you know you, fool? Like that. And Carter's like, you heard me. You need to stop. And SmackDown's like, you ain't fucking telling me what to do in this motherfucking place. And getting that sell over there. And Carter's like, oh, fuck. Now I've got to fight SmackDown. And he looks at Gravedigger and gravedigger is like

so let me interpret that i'm the only one who doesn't get it did gravedigger say i have your back or did gravedigger say you are in quite the predicament what just happened all right so in a situation like this the gang rule is if someone calls you out from another race, you have to go and fight that person one on one. That squashes the beef. Gravedigger can't just jump in now and protect Carter or stop the fight or beat up Smackdown. Because then all the blacks will jump in and all the whites will jump in. And then there's a race riot and then the drugs business gets stopped into the prison. And the drugs business is the absolute priority of nearly everybody in there

so by having one on one beefs that are squashed and then they shake hands at the end of it whatever you know the drug business is not. So Carter and Smackdown have to fight now and Gravedigger can't do a thing about it. Gravedigger doesn't want to do a thing about it because he's about to usurp

that power vacuum, right? Exactly. So we're all watching this now. SmackDown just assumes the fighter's stance. Carter goes in. He gets knocked around. His heart's not in the fight. He's dancing around, trying to avoid getting hit.

You can see he's getting stung by these blows. He gets fucking twatted against the head. His head bangs against the fucking steel. And he's like, and he walks out. I'm done and sits at the table. Sits at the table with the whites. And then, then, smack, smack down, comes out. The cell is like, what the fuck was was that i ain't done with you white boy

you're asking here you little fucking punk ass bitch you call someone a punk ass bitch that is the worst combination of words you could possibly use in that environment you gotta defend yourself yeah so. So Carter's like, he's like panting and puffing at the table, bent over, pink-faced, and he's looking at the woods. He's like, you know, I'm done. I've had enough. Gravedigger. Gravedigger just

fucking stands up. All six foot seven of him with the devil tattoo on his skulls and all this other shit all over him and he looks at he looks he looks at cars and he's like you know man up wood just starts nodding his head and carter knows carter knows if he doesn't go in right there and then Gravedigger's just going to grab his skull and knock him out so he goes back in he goes back in fucking repeat of the same situation

bouncing around and this time he runs out so fast he like there's a metal grid stirs over this when you come out the door he comes out and he runs out so fast he runs into the stirs over this when you come out the door he comes out he runs out so fast he runs into the stairs and bangs his head out and that's it that's it he's rolled up

he's rolled up a gravedigger tells him to roll his shit up all the awards say roll your shit up which means was carter a tough guy at all prior to this or was he just kind of a money man a tough guy at all prior to this or was he just kind of a money man i'd say he was like a mediocre head of the woods yeah not nothing but he can't take out the yeah he couldn't defend and so then like gravedigger immediately your stuff what does that mean you were about i mean these these are formidable fighters smackdowns is formidable fighter gravedigger they go car car probably could have withstood the fight against an average person well these were extreme so if you roll your shit up means you know you've got to roll your mattress up and you got all your bedding around it and whatever your towel you know your towel your underwear all that shit and you gotta get the hell out of that building you move on

so he was gone so what happened next was then you got you got um the guys orchestrate the race right excuse me against um against uh smackdown smackdown gets moved and then there's a lot the guards then move a lot of people in and move a lot of people out and all of a sudden on the end cell on the upper tier there's these three italian guys and we're like how the fuck of all that them got in the cell together and there was bruno the guy who just contacted me after 20 years there was a guy we called roscoe so in my book i'm just going to say this as a disclaimer i've changed the names for legal purposes and people say because i've said the different name i'm lying but which is bs so the roscoe was the head of them. And Bruno's just told me now, Roscoe has got two life sentences.

He showed me his prison page. Roscoe's now got two life sentences for conspiracy to commit murder. So he was the head of the gang in that jail at that point in time. This is Towers Jail, 2002. Sheriff Joe Pye's running this one. And then they had another guy in there called Hugo, who was like their butler. He was like squeezing orange juice for him, all this shit.

Now, Roscoe had it so good that he was outside with the guards at night, smoking, giving them orders. You see the Italian mafia in these movies. You think, is this real? I saw it with my own eyes. It's very real. But that stuff comes later on. So the Italians move in.

You've got some Aryan Brotherhood guys in there. And now they've got no leader. Now, when there's a leader required, it's white boy meeting, cell seven, get your ass over there or else you're going to get smashed. So the woods go from door to door, telling every other wood, get in that meeting, white boy meeting. We're going to vote on a new head now the competition it was roscoe was one of the white boys running for leadership

and the other one was this skinhead steve who had um tattoos of a gas chamber just fucking mask off Nazi he had Hitler Zeke Heiling on his chest over a gas chamber was it well done or did it look terrible was it like a really

detailed Hitler did you see that Hitler and you were like no no no matter how good was it i can't remember the proficiency but i think these are scary motherfuckers when i'm seeing these this is for life you know you put that shit on your chest this is what these guys are committed yeah that guy like that guy didn't like hitler for a weekend like he he's he's all in this wasn't this wasn't a summer infatuation this was a romance so so fortunately roscoe got voted in over the aryan guys and there was an uneasy coexistence between them, but immediately things started to change.

So there became like a circus atmosphere. Like we adopted a young person called Sonny Slope who would do our laundry and he was selling me extra cheeses. If the guards were going to raid the pod, Roscoe knew in advance, so we'd hide all our shit. And then the guards would come in, flash grenades and all this shit

and strip us naked and spread our ass cheeks and look in our assholes and trample on our pictures of our girlfriends and have sniffer dogs on our assholes and all this shit. But as soon as those guards had gone, the goon squad, Roscoe would have the guards bring us back all clean stuff, all clean bedding and towels and boxes and bee stripes. This is how good he had it. Wait, was he doing that for other people too or just himself?

The whole fucking pod, man. He's a popular leader, right? Oh, shit. This was just the beginning. He comes into my cell and he says he says sure you know tensions with your brother i know you got a lot of co-defendants if i move all your guys in here with you you know will you guys work with us blah blah blah like yes next thing i've got two co-defendants in my three-man cell with me and one of them is a guy called joey crack he's dead

as well now joey crack god bless him he was like a walking drug testing kit wherever he went if you want to do a drug deal he'd just get out a syringe put it in his fucking neck be like yeah that's good stuff he was like this feisty new york ital guy, always talking a million miles an hour. So he started to regale the Italians with stories about Wildman. The nightly thing was, you know, they would come to my cell. We'd hang out. We'd all sit around. And Bruno would be like, come on, Joey Crack, tell us another story about Wildman.

Because Joey Crack and Wildman, you know, they were hanging out on the outs for a couple of years before all the SWAT teams came. So, literally got very curious about Wildman. They heard all these crazy stories. So they said, you got to arrange for us to meet him. Now, I would get to meet Wildman at Catholic Mass or church on the street. Because the prosecutor had put a do not house together with me and Wildman because they were in fear

that we would together, you know, I was the brains, he was the brawn. We would influence the co-defendants into not cooperating and all that stuff, which we did anyway. So I lined this up then for them to meet Wildman at Catholic Mass. Now bear in mind, Wildman at Catholic Mass.

Now, bear in mind, Wildman cannot whisper. We always get on the back row of these church services. But his voice is so deep. And when he laughs, the whole room will shake because he's so big, six foot two, hundreds of pounds in weight. He was 29 and a half stone when he died. Was that 400 plus pounds or something? Jesus Christ.

The cartel guys in Mexico called him El Oso because he was shaped like a bird because of his butt he fought like a bird he's fighting style so his fighting style he just can't move differently because of his girt no that's a style so um prior to this arrangement of meeting Little Italy, I'd gone to a mass. No, it was a church on the street with Wild Man. And we were on the back row. He couldn't whisper. He's really loud.

And Pastor Walt is giving this sermon. And he's like, he stops his sermon, kind of like swerves it and says, it says in the end times in revelations, there will be scoffers and mockers. And I can hear the scoffers and mockers on the back row. Yes. He starts walking through, you know, towards me and Wellman at the back. He's like, hallelujah.

You know, and he's talking about purging the scoffers and mockers, and he's nodding his head and twitching and looking at Wellman. And Wellman's trying to whisper to me me and he doesn't give a shit. He's just talking really loud and ignoring him and all that shit. So I'm setting the table for how Wildman behaves at these religious services. Now, the Italians are very religious, let's say. Very Catholic, yeah. Very Catholic.

So there's about four or five of them, I think, come to meet Wildman. And there's Wildman and my crew, there's maybe four or five of us. We've got the back row, we've got the row in front. So I'm sat in the middle.

I've got Wildman here. I've got the rest of my crew on the other side. The Italian starts to file in on the other side of me. Bruno sits next to me. And he's like looking over at Wild man yeah yeah well they are such big powerful guys they shook hands in front of my body and the force of them shaking hands almost knocked them knocked me out of my seat so they're all shooting the shit buzzing you know bruno's buzzing off well man because these big crazy guys you know they've got that look in their eyes they know you know the damage

they can do to people they're buzzing off it roscoe's buzzing hugo you know he hugo's probably the most devout and he's he's looking over he's he was he was probably the most sensible out of out of the italian click so the the priest starts to give a sermon, and it's really moving, and you've got the most devout prisoners on the front row. These guys are like sleeved out in Virgin Mary and Jesus. They've got all these religious tats all over them and sharing crucifixes and everything.

So they're taking this service very seriously. The Italians, I'm about to find out, taking this service very seriously. The Italians, I'm about to find out, take these things quite seriously. The priest is saying, and the priest was quite old, he looked like he was about 60 or 70, he says his mum is gravely ill,

she's in hospital, and he's almost in tears, and he's asking everyone to pray for her and this is really moving i'm moved the italians are moved the front row are really like you know fucking hell everyone's taking this really seriously he goes on and describes about his mom and his relationship with mom i'm looking over at the italians and they're crying they're crying and wildman's like looking around like,

what the fuck? What the fuck's wrong with these people? And he just starts making weird noises. And the guys at the front row with the Jesus and Mary tattoos are looking like, who the fuck do you think you are telling me to shut up?

You're all sinners. You think you guys are, you know, you're the first people to snitch people out you fuckers who pretend to have all this shit and they're like they're giving up on telling to shut up and then the italians looking like wow man come on come on behave yourself i'll behave myself so the priest then he's going row to row with the communion you don't get to go to the front he's coming to us he comes to the back row he's giving everybody the communion i've got the community he goes well my communion telling us that it and then he he's leaving then with his back away from us to walk to the front of the room wild man at this point spits out his communion in his hand puts it over his eye like it's a pirate's patch yeah he then goes just raises his arms in his head and he's got this crazy viking's beard at

this point and he's had an eyebrow shaved off because he's laughing this guy just looks like a maniac anyway imagine him with one eyebrow gone. A Viking's beard. He's got the communion patch over his eye. And he just goes, And the room's shaking because he's so powerful, his belly. He goes, look at me, everybody. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. powerful his belly he goes look at me everybody and then they're all the whole room just turns around looks at him but the priest is oblivious

he's walking to the front wild man just grabs the communion and i can see the ital's getting upset. He fucking launches it like a frisbee. Launches it at the priest, who is almost at the front of the room. The communion is like going, almost like a fucking flat earth UFO fucking thing. Almost skimming, almost skimming the ceiling. It's the priest in the back it was a good shot

and it rolls on the floor and Hugo he fucking starts screaming at Wildman shaking his fucking jumps out of his seat runs to the front of the river grabs the comedian, hides it before the priest can see it

after that service wild man he's in the corridor he drops his trousers he starts mooning the guards showing him his ass crack he gets taken away fucking cackling and screaming did that did that ruin your relationship with the italians because I know how seriously Italians take Catholicism, which is twice a year they're very serious. Yeah, Bruno said Wildman was just like a big-hearted maniac and that people couldn't, you know, like the AB guys didn't fuck with him. The Italians didn't fuck with him.

He made his mark and everybody knew he was with us. And if I'd have gone in though on my own without him heaven helped me because he did uh protect me in in many situations and just the fact that people knew he was in with us he's a good guy to get arrested with basically it sounds like it let me just let me just say then because because you know, that's very sad about what happened with the priest. And in the next, um, mass, the prayer had worked. His mom had been released from hospital.

He got a standing ovation. And I just wanted to make sure this story had a happy ending. Yeah. Did have a happy ending. And you know what? If, if I were in prison, I would definitely start going to church.

Like at the very least least it would be a different place to be for a while that's where everybody yeah i could see prisoners doing that we're like you know i'm not sold on this but i get to kind of escape for a bit and think about something else that's where the prisoners share their drugs to the other buildings and also where you get to see your mates if you can't be around your mates now little italy like i said they had it so good there was like people doing backflips off the dayroom tables and it was like the circus atmosphere there was this giant hippie who had a diamond uh stored in his ass in his behind we called him john the baptist there was a guy that was the head of the urian church and it was the best we ever had. And then one day, Roscoe just said, fuck it.

We're all going to go have a day trip out. And we're like, what do you mean we're going to have a day trip out? We're all going to go to Muslim services. So to get to Muslim services, to get to any services, this is a 45-man pod, right? To get to any services, the guard will announce it and say, first 10 at the sliding door. And fights can break out to get to the ship. But Roscoe always

had a heads up before the announcement came. He'd tell us all to get down there. Church on the street, jumping bill. That was amazing because we'd all end up jumping up and down, pogo dancing in that one. So we go off to the Muslim services and white guys like this en masse have never been seen in the Muslim services before.

The guy's like, what the fuck's going on? They think there's going to be a riot. So they escorted us to Muslim services and they're watching us. The imam is like, what the fuck is going on? Who are these guys? We're all sitting there and Roscoe explains to them, you know, we're curious. We want to learn, you know, about your faith and all this stuff. He's very respectful.

And we sat in Muslim services for the whole thing, and there was no problems whatsoever, and everybody got along fine. Roscoe had this way about him. He could fight, but he was a big smiler, and he just had this lovely way about him. Yeah, charismatic guy. Charismatic, that was it. So we get back from Muslim services.

There's no problem. Now, after Lissa Lissa got broke up in that building, and we got moved from Muslim services, there's no problem. Now, after literally got broke up in that building and we got moved to another building and the Uri and brother took back over, they were all interrogating us, the Uri and brother guys. You know, they're like, okay, Wood, you know, like watch your charges, blah, blah, blah, you know, drugs, blah, blah, blah, that's acceptable, blah, blah, blah.

And then at the end of the interrogation, they'd say, we heard some of the Woods in your building went over to Muslim services. Were you one of those woods who went to Muslim services? No, no idea about that. Yeah, but when Roscoe finally got sentenced, oh, my God. So when you get sentenced, they move you to another part of the jail for a couple of weeks and then the you know the department of corrections come and get you so all the census people got

moved except for roscoe they kept him with us until the very end until his last night last couple of nights or some shit so when he when when the guards come to get him he literally had a standing ovation fit for a war hero. I've never seen anything like it. Proper goodfellas how these guys took over the jail. He would move anyone into your cell. He would help you resolve your disputes. If he had to fight, he would fight.

And the guards took him away, and we were all deeply depressed and sad. Because they took Moscow from you. An hour came back he came back the guards brought him back we're all pounding on the day he told the guards that he forgot something and he needed to come back. He had his girlfriend coming as a lawyer in the legal visit room, giving him blowjobs because the guards can't come in because of the legal. And then one of his guys, his girlfriend made friends with my girlfriend, and they told me, bring your girlfriend at the same time as our girlfriends. I'm like, cool.

And then we got extra visit time together. So one of the happiest days of my life was when those guys asked me to start working out with them because I knew they'd accepted me into that little Italy clip. But if we could get Bruno on here. Viewers, tell us in the comments. There's two Bruno interviews on my channel. who did they accept? It means that little Italy click. But if we could get Bruno on here, viewers, tell us in the comments. There's two Bruno interviews on my channel.

But yeah, let us know if you think he would be good on PK. I think he would blow people's minds. I bet he would. He sounds like a funny guy with a lot of experience. But that is so funny, what you said about the Italians going in and then they immediately... There's some guard named fucking Tony Italiano.

Yeah, I'm sure there was. What was your name? Dino Kitcharelli. Oh, okay. You sound neutral. Go handy.

Handle the Italians. But like, like, because that's what happens in like casino and those movies where they're like and then we went in prison but we still got our razor blades to cut up our tomatoes to make the mother's sauce so we're not all the other shit they're talking i just i thought that was totally like an old timey thing i couldn't imagine that in the early 2000s some some italian guy shows up and just starts running it there was a point where there was a point where a sergeant tried to clamp down on little italy and he moved bruno the enforcer and sunny slope the youngster to a different building

and then the next day guard tartaglione wherever he's fucking brings him back and then the next day the sergeant moved him again and then the next day they came back again and this was going on for like two weeks and then like you just know that guard like joe stevens is like what are you doing and fucking you know your job i'm confused yeah giuseppe italian is like oh just trying to get things going there. You know? I don't know him. He's certainly not. I don't know him. He's certainly not a fucking cousin of mine.

They had to send a sergeant to assertiveness classes because of the way he couldn't handle Little Italy. Literally, they sent him to assertiveness classes. And towards the end of Little Italy, they had like a banner over the door saying, by appointment only. And they had an Italian flag on the cell door. And that sergeant ran in after doing his assertiveness classes.

He ran in. He grabbed the banner, threw it on the floor, and grabbed the flag and threw it on the floor. And they all came out. And they were like muscling up to him. And he fucking shit himself and ran out the pod and they were yelling get back to

your assertiveness classes they didn't fucking work get back to your assertiveness classes I don't imagine it was quite that articulate these Italian guys screaming at him that's hilarious i didn't know you could they ran him out they ran him out i didn't know you could still do that in prison oh if you get

bruno on he'll give you all the details did anyone but the italians ever pull something off like that with just like never so never so i've never seen anything like that in my life and um i didn't think it was even possible i thought it was just a thing that happened in the movies until i literally saw this guy do it and the family is from roscoe must you know must be a formidable uh family and bruno showed me the paperwork now you know he's serving life in super maximum security prison in florence arizona for two conspiracies to murder so serious people serious people yeah sounds sounds very very serious people conspiring to murder not once but twice. Maybe murder is not your path in life if you just can't figure it out.

Yeah, you should be a bank robber or something. Bank robbery is the coolest of crimes. I've said that many times. It's pretty high up there, right? That's so cool to rob a bank. I mean, okay, robbing a bank is alright. Robbing a museum is the coolest of crimes. Yeah, but like

no one's... Who's your favorite museum robber, Woody? The people from the heist Netflix series? I don't know. Okay, that was a good series series but i didn't watch it called heist where you're just watching the Spanish yeah yeah you know it though i don't mind the dub chip it really works well for me yeah yeah i sometimes

mind the dub stuff like old kung fu Fu movies were terrible, terribly done. But somehow in Heist, it's working for me. Maybe the voice acting is better. It seems to line up with how long it takes to say certain things in certain languages. If it's an Eastern European dubbed film, it takes fucking forever for these people to say something. And so it's not as quick as English or Korean. Korean seems to line up pretty well. When I watch the Korean dubbed stuff,

it seems like it takes about as long to say something in Korean as English. Squid Game was good, but they acted like it was the best ever. Yeah. My first wife was Korean. She almost cut my dick and balls off. Why? How much of it did she get? My first wife was Korean. She almost cut my dick and balls off. Why? Huh? How much of it did she get?

So she was. I still have the one night. Thank God. Not full one. Not full John Wayne Bobbitt. She had been married to an American guy who cheated on her with a blonde woman. had been married to an American guy who cheated on her with a blonde woman. So I didn't know all this at the time that she had this psychosis over this.

I got married to her quite quickly. I was in my early 20s, a bit emotionally immature. She said after six months, I feel more secure in our relationship. We got married. I said, yeah, that sounds cool. I haven't got a green card either, so let's do it. So we got married in some little courthouse in Glendale and then quite quickly, you know, this, this psychosis came out. So I'm working these long hours in the stock market and come home, go in the shower, shower curtain rips open,

Ginsu knife coming down from my dick and balls. I managed to, you know, dodge that. And then she starts screaming at me. I know you fucking sucking blonde pussy. American guys, American guys.

They love fucking sucking blonde pussy. I'm sure English guys are the same. So, so she got, she got on. What happened was a sister came out. No, she got on. We took her to the.

If you love someone, you just got married. You got to help them through these things. She went to the doctor's, got on Zoloft. And she was fine for a year or so. After she brandished a knife at you? I mean, I don't think of myself as ins insensitive but that's a one strike and you're out thing for me yeah well i was emotionally mature and i was committed very forgiving yeah very forgiving but it got worse it got worse a sister come over a year later she stopped taking

the meds said it was western poison it was killing her and um i came home from work. She smashed the place up, tries to put an iron in my head and all this shit. And her ex-husband shows up and explains to me that, you know, yeah, she'd been smashing the house up when I was with her. This is what she's like, blah, blah, blah. Suddenly you feel a lot in common. I'm like, fucking hell. Felt a lot in common.

Oops, let me just, is that my camera battery? Yeah, we just lost you. That was my camera battery then. You're back. Felt a lot in common. Oops, let me just... Is that my camera battery? Yeah, we just lost you. That was my camera battery then. You're back. You're all good. Yeah. Yeah, so off the medicine... Camera's gone again.

Camera battery's going to get replaced in one second. Off the medicine, it just got increasingly worse. She started chasing me around the house with a ginsu knife demanding to smell my Georgie she's like

I know you fucking sucking blonde woman come here I want to smell your Georgie she said Georgie Georgie that's the Korean word oh i didn't know i thought that was some british slang she launched an iron through our chandelier and that was the last night i'd had enough then that was not the chandelier yeah i think the knife incident would have done it for me that that like i would have flashbacks to psycho and uh how could. I bet after that, you locked that bathroom door, didn't you?

She would saw through it. Those Ginsu knives, she would saw through those. It's a commercial. This is like the third time you've mentioned Ginsu specifically. I like to believe that.

Are you sponsored by Ginsu knives? This channel brought to you by ginsu so we had a guy we had a regular guy who came out and replaced our doors she sawed through a door one night and planted a tv on my head jesus christ and how long was this before you left? Yeah. The first six months was good. Then she went

and tried to cut my dick off. Then there was the year on the Zoloft medicine. Then her sister came over and it was fractured after that. It lasted so many months. When she would smell your Georgie and she would find it satisfactorily smells like pussy that's the scariest thing ever right because you're hoping that she's gonna like what would you do would you go all right everything seems

to check out here yeah well when she was in that mood whereby she wanted when she was in that mood whereby she wanted to smell my Georgie, her eyes went completely blood red. So I was never actually amenable to her smelling my Georgie. I would always just fucking lock the door and go in another room. Yeah. I'd at least give myself some space. I'll rub my balls and dick, and then you can smell my hand.

I'd keep you away from the danger zone. I tried that, but she bit onto my bicep and I couldn't get her off. And I still have the scar of her teeth marks on my bicep to this day. What a crazy bitch. You married a pit bull. But she made amends years later when I was in prison. Whenever my parents came over, she gave them loads of money and said look she offered to pay my legal fee of $100,000 but my parents wouldn't let her

she took my parents out to nice places and always gave them money for me to help me while I was in prison so that one has a happy ending too yeah sounds terrifying though no one's ever

tried to stab me before I don't think I would hate being stabbed I know myself I wouldn't like it they didn't try hard a bit of a delicate flower they say try everything once not for me I don't need to be stabbed well perhaps next time

I'll tell you the stories of guns getting pulled on me and shit, but it's almost my bedtime, so I'm going to have to slide off, guys. Well, we've enjoyed you thoroughly. We just enjoyed you thoroughly. We're going to look into getting your Italian friend on. He sounds good. And I look forward

to your books that are upcoming. And I need to read to plug all your books Well my life story is a trilogy it's party time, hard time prison time and I've written 15 books now and I've got a book publishing company I've probably published about 20 books for other

prisoners as well so that anyone who goes on Amazon just puts in Sean Atwood it'll all just come up and all my socials under my name and thanks to all since I spoke to you guys last I think I've gained about 200,000 new subs so huge thank you as well to all just come up and all my socials under my name. And thanks to all, since I spoke to you guys last, I think I've gained about 200,000 new subs. So huge. Thank you as well.

To all the people who subscribe to my channel. Cheers. Of course. Thanks for coming on. We got to not wait two years. You got so much fun stuff to talk about. Yeah. You're so fun to listen to.

Love the stories. Your natural storyteller. Ready. When you guys are Kyle, Woody Taylor, I salute you. The PK army. Thanks for all the messages and love and support and the lobbying to get me back on

really appreciate it, of course, thank you so much for coming on man, take care, alright cheers guys, goodnight, toodaloo alright before we jump to the next thing, we're going to hear from a couple of I don't think anyone's ever said toodaloo to me toodaloo, like sincerely yeah, he's going to regret

that, that's even, yeah toodle fucking oo I should have said hush yeah he's gonna he's gonna regret that that's even yeah he's gonna fucking who i don't know as he's leaving just ruin it so all right this episode of pka brought to you by express vpn admit it you think that cybercrime is something that happens to other people you may think that no one wants your data or that hackers can't grab your passwords or credit card details but you would be wrong. Stealing data from unsuspecting people on public Wi-Fi is one of the simplest and cheapest ways for hackers to make money. When you leave your internet connection unencrypted, you might as well be writing your passwords and credit card numbers on a huge billboard for the rest of the world to see.

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50% taken off your first order with free shipping feels dot com slash PKA so check that out 50% off and free shipping you only have to pay half then yeah free shipping 50% off it's a tremendous deal one of the best deals uh and it's very good for sleep if you're someone out there that has trouble conking

out for the night like like i do this could be a helpful thing for you so give it a go feels feals.com pka check that out i always listen to those rainstorm videos on youtube you like those i love those like i put on YouTube. You like those? I love those. I put on either a live stream or a video, and the video will start. It'll be like, thank you for using dream sleep videos. And then the screen's going dark, and three, two, one. And the screen goes completely dark, and then a rainstorm slowly amps up. I like a lot of thunder like lots and lots of

thunder i know what you're talking about in that like when it when i'm in my bed all curled up and soft and comfortable and it's all you know thunderstorming out like you feel like you've escaped it and it makes it more relaxing in a way yeah yeah no i like sleeping on rainy days uh that's what i was doing earlier today when i found out we were doing PKA at 4 p.m. in the afternoon. I swear to God, the fact that I was here mostly on time, like eight minutes later or whatever, is a

fluke. I was in the gym when Zach was like, you guys remember the shows now. I run a brush through my hair for one second. i'm here in my workout clothing starting the show oh yeah i was like responding like it's a work day i'm like responding to an email i see that and i'm like oh oh fuck oh i'm so glad that none of us knew it

i gotta i gotta go make jokes for retards zach he only told us like six times he only told us six times over and over and over, and we all said explicitly, yes, that's fine. Zach is going to slip some scary stuff in one of these days because that's all I ever say to Zach. Yeah, that's all good. All right. No, he did a good job.

It fooled me because initially we were going to do the show on Wednesday for Sean, and then we scrapped Wednesday, and I was like, oh, we're back to normal time he did i didn't realize normal time was uh the same normal earlier time has become normalized i was confused and uh also that wasn't going to happen till february which until very recently was distant future yeah yeah i don't know what the month is sometimes i forget the year for years at a time yeah and like it'll be january 29th and he's like yeah the show's february 3rd oh well i'll have to start worrying about it so my sleep schedule is kind of interesting right now like i woke up at like 6 a.m after eight hours of sleep or something like that and and i was like okay

this is good this is good it is right if you're like a coal miner or something like that and and i was like okay this is good this is good it is right if you're like a coal miner or something i suppose or like a truck driver or some shit someone who actually has a reason to get up um but but in any case i was like i'm gonna need a nap for the show i if i get up at six the show starts at seven i've been up for 13 hours and then we start four hours of this you know i'm gonna be sleepy at the end right so i was just gonna take a little nap before the show and uh i set the alarm for like 45 minutes pre-show and i just luckily woke up and i i looked at my phone it was 10 missed messages and one of them was three minutes old and it was you going so the show is now yeah it took me a minute to process that as being a real thing. I was like, the show is now.

What does he even mean? That is a complex message to decode. Has Chocolate Thunder been giving him some of those black people phrases again? I don't have time to backwards engineer how being a dollar bill means that you agree with somebody. And so that means that a buck means that you agree with somebody. The show is now zippity-zoppity. And so that means that if you're a Milwaukee buck, you're agreeing with somebody because it all goes back to being 100.

Fuck you with your reverse engineered gobbledygook talk. Say something cool and mean it. Yeah. It's like you're a dollar because you're a buck because you're Milwaukee. No, you're a hundred because you agree. And then that makes you a buck because that's a hundred cents. And then it went back to like being a Milwaukee buck somehow.

And I was like, there's no fucking way this goes back to a sports team. There's no way. There's no way. But no, it took me a minute to realize the show is fucking now. It means the show is fucking now means the show is fucking now and i just ran in here and jumped in um i'm surprised i could have not been home i'm glad i uh didn't fuck this up uh we're starting this show and i'm like jackie bring me a reasonable shirt to wear on show i still have like board shorts on oh i saw a really

good video the other day and it was um it was like um a black guy's like sitting down to that job interview with like a couple of other business professionals. And I think his kid comes in and like interrupts and he has to get up and shut the door and he's wearing like board shorts or something with his suit and tie like uppers. And, uh, and the guy giving the interview is like, I like your shorts, Marcus. And he's like, Oh, I am so sorry about that. He's like, Marcus, don't be sorry. He stands up and he's got oh I'm so sorry about that he's like Marcus don't be sorry he stands up and he's got the exact same thing everybody in the meeting has like a suit and tie on and fucking

gym shorts on I thought that was really like really cool that they like cut him that break because like a douchebag could have totally been like pretty unprofessional I'm not gonna lie or he could have just been like it's fine and not acknowledge that like i'm also wearing shorts because we're living in this stupid world where people can't wear masks how uh i saw that dirty got covid and his initial reaction wait his girlfriend got it did you see that dirty got it that'd be very new since two days ago dirty had in the hangout he was coughing and said i have covid he said he tested negative but he lives with someone who's testing positive and expected to have it well shit maybe i completely misunderstood i'm almost

positive he has covet i asked him how he's doing today and he said he was okay okay well i'm glad he's doing well yeah it seems like everybody like young that gets it is more or less okay if they don't have especially with the new variant i guess the new variant is like, it's kind of doing what I said. It's drowning out all the other variants, right? It's out competing Delta and the original one. And it's inoculating the population to some extent. Now I've heard that inoculation last 90 days.

This is a comedy podcast. Don't, don't take that to heart listeners, but I think that was only a good, their, their vaccine recommendation natural immunity lasts for quite a while they're saying i'm not going to believe any facts or things that i hear from from you in particular that's fine i'm teasing i'm teasing uh uh whatever you want

what i heard what i mean is i don't better than anything natural inoculation every time they tell us a thing they change their mind i haven't heard that Leave whatever you want. What I mean is I don't believe anything anymore. Natural inoculation. Every time they tell us a thing, they change their minds. I haven't heard that. Yeah, so... It seems like there's a bunch of conflicting stuff. Kind of like it's been the entire fucking time. Where what was truth

three months ago is now conspiracy and vice versa. Weird fucking patterns like that. Dude, what's the biggest news story right now is it all right like it has been is it ukraine is it some trump rallies haven't been following the news closely but i feel like it's ukraine shit so what i got on my phone and i was scared uh like last night we were playing a game and and i was like my phone like did a little news alert thing and it said biden giving remarks on military and then like cut off you know because the update only shows so much and i'm like what did he do what did he do but i guess we killed some sort of isis leader in syria

i guess there was some sort of a military strike of some kind and then i was like back to basics i never trust it they always do this they're like hey we killed muhammad mcnever heard of and he is the number two guy in all of isis this is a major win for us and i'm like really did you just promote him post-mortem and to be my number two muhammad bin you know what reminds me of like it was taken down have either of you ever played shadow of mordor yeah i lost interest in that so it's this game where you're basically like in mordor killing like orcs and goblins and shit right as a lord of the rings character but every time you like kill the guy in charge there's this screen that goes to and it's like you killed uglof the ugly tough shit because moon raper the one-eyed is moving up and you see moon raper go dun dun

and now he's in like the head position so you gotta deal with him that's what they do every time they all look the same to me i can't tell one from the other like like why even laugh we all know it's true they have the same fucking it's it's some guy they all have the same style it is okay you're right it's the same It's the same dirty guy who's 61 years old in robes with a beard that obscures his entire face. It's not gray, but it's graying. He's very tan

and it looks like he's got some crow's feet going on and he usually has a bit of head wear. He's maybe had too much sun exposure. A little bit too much sun exposure. Not with those hats. It looks like he's been squinting at the desert's glare. You know what they missed out on?

They have those hats that look nice with the gold bands around them. Imagine how much more effective they'd be if there was a baseball cap bill out on the front. They don't know about the bill. They don't have that technology. They need sunglasses is what they need. A little Ray-Ban action. They do. They don't want it because those will fly off when they're a little ray-ban action they do they don't want it because those will fly off when they're driving their lamborghini too quickly on a fucking

tarmac or something you know who figured that shit out like right away and it's always surprising when they i don't know why but like those eskimo like little goggles that they made yeah the little the little slits yeah they have the little slits so they'll go snow blind yeah like i carved out a bone like like, like, like they're like ancient. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like this is like new technology.

Like the Eskimos, like forever. I might like made these little goggles. I have these flat pieces of bone and they have slits carved in. So picture them looking a little like Geordie from the next generation. Exactly. Like the next generation. No,

it's they're honestly a little racist. Have you ever seen Mickey Rooney wearing those eyes? Those Asian eyes. Yeah. Yeah. It looks a little Asian racist. Have you ever seen Mickey Rooney wearing those eyes? Those Asian eyes? Yeah. It looks a little Asian racist. Those Inuits need to kind of get their shit together. Yeah, they need to get a little more woke. Aren't they the ones who would take the old people and put them on the ice and push them out to the

Was it old people or was it people they punished? I don't remember if they actually did that. They did do that? Then I must have dreamed that they didn't do that oh they definitely did that okay i what's that thing oh i love your your what's the word for that thing when the vikings would kill themselves when they became useless it's called a strudel step or some shit i don't remember what it's called but i i think you're on the right path

that like they'd be like, all right, I'm sorry, Grandma. You can't really fetch any blubber for us, and we're in a very calorie-restrictive place. If you don't die, the baby's going to die. Edelstoop? Is it Edelstoop? Edelstoop? It could be, but I don't think many Germans are there.

It's mostly some kind of Asian... There were some Germanic tribesmen there tribes like an asian fusion mixing of cultures i'm sure was there i didn't know i thought that like inuits were kind of like uh inuits how did we get back to inuits oh i thought you were talking about because i'm on the vikings oh the vikings yeah there's probably some russians it's not synthesized there's like a viking word for like killing yourself ritualistically to like when you're useless to the clan or when you're too old to like you know be a warrior or whatever the fuck um is the hunting but i'm not finding is it atestupa because that's what it says here it's where my word wait what make it pronounce the

word is i think it's what's atest Atastupa? What? Let me see. Where do I even click for that? I have to search the fucking word for that. Well, get out of here. Atastupa? No, that doesn't come up. I think that is true. No, it's Atastupa.

It's a name given to principals in Sweden, Norway, and Iceland. It denotes sites where ritual seneside took place. Seneside, I would would assume killing the elderly. Throwing them to their deaths either over a cliff or into the sea. See, that's propaganda. They jumped. Yeah, it does say here that they jumped, which is

definitely not true. Suicide is killing the elderly. There we go. Suicide. Well, if an old person kills himself, he has committed Cynicide. Suicidicide. Right. Cynisuicide.

Cynisuicide. I'm going to watch Ozark this week so that we can and I suggest to the audience that you also watch some Ozark because we might have a spoiler-y segment next week that we'll mark and mark and warn you yeah I'll catch up with you guys I apologize for not being there but this fucking peacemaker show um is is so fucking funny to me for whatever reason John Cena is really good uh the new episode came out today and I immediately had to watch it I'm surprised you think he's such a good actor I think he's look I don't think he's

like gonna win any Oscars or anything but he's such a good actor. I don't think he's going to win any Oscars or anything, but he's a good comedic actor and he pulls off the role really well. Oh, by the way, Lock and Load. Forgotten. We forgot our own ad read. And then his editor goes out.

He's just sitting there. Is my internet out? Yeah, but it's funny yeah This is a thumbnail No no right Make the bottles more prominent This is actually the thumbnail Look like you've got a stroke Let's do a stroke one Alright now let's do racist faces let's do this

taylor's not even trying anymore had a drink in one frame per minute no no someone sent me a message today they go i'm pretty sure my dog has consumed the first dose of lock and load by any other dog I think I have the first and I don't know how to reply to that I don't know what to tell him I don't know if it's canine safe actually

I'm sure it is not telling anyone to feed their dogs or comp pills it either is or it isn't I'm sure of that God why would they feed their dog our cum pills? I mean, maybe their dog's ejaculate was weak sauce. Somebody sent me a TikToker's video today.

I don't know who it was because I'm old or whatever. And this TikToker's like, oh, you got to have all your stuff together. And he's going through this quick list of quick edited like things and it seemed like they were all related to sex more or less but then there was like a part where he's like you got to take your vitamins and he had a bottle of lock and load nice i thought it was funny uh the comments were like those aren't vitamins i know what those are rsk yeah i saw someone on the sex subreddit ask if lock and load was good and there were a bunch of people like rsk pka f kyle stuff like that so yeah man i know it's uh oh look at that the tail is back hey i know that guy my back yes okay sorry about that i think my no it's okay we

mocked you relentlessly. It was fun. I would expect nothing less. You froze and you were like this? Oh, no. I saw all of this. I saw all the stroke mouths. I saw the whole thing.

Good. I didn't want you to be outside looking in. I don't know why I was confident in that. Yeah, well, you were right. I could see you until I left. We got like 14 inches of snow here over the last 24 hours. I'm so jealous. One of those things where you say it's 14 inches, but you put a ruler next to it, and it's really 7, but you want to believe it's 14 because you're not as...

I can't relate to any of that. No kyle's got only seven inches but it really goes to five inches it's really thick why would it ever go farther what are you measuring it's so long what are you doing with my snow's more about girth no it it was uh it was so deep because it snowed it's been continuous it's not two days now that like fozzie and teddy my little dogs they love to run out and play in the snow so like last night when it wasn't very deep yet or last afternoon and i let them out they're like doing that like you know woody or kyle anyone who's seen dogs they're jumping around they're having a grand old time and then overnight you

know a foot came down and so now when they run out there they're little dogs and so they're like looking it's like kyle are you wandering into snow that's six feet tall and so like he like runs out into it and has been like panicking not understanding like what he is which is basically like underwater and then running back in and so i dealt all morning with teddy you know fozzy pissed but teddy the littler one he'd go out there panic a little bit bark and then run back in and then he would immediately stand by the bell and be like i gotta piss like what do you want me to do? Piss all over this foreign substance.

And so I had to shovel out through my patio a track for them. And then because the snow on the grass in my yard is even deeper, I had to shovel out like a six by six patch of grass so that they felt comfortable. I mean, because I know they are stupid but i i love my dog so much from intruders well they they think they do but like i i i mainly use my dogs like i i i finish i'll finish the show i'll go out i'll get out there and sit watch a show with my wife or hang out and like my dogs will act like they haven't seen me in five years they're like oh oh oh it's it's you it's you like i i always forget what night it is that you lock yourself in that room and then i forget that you're here and then you come out of that room and i'm so excited that you came out of

that room like it's a good feeling you know yeah like they love they truly love you we should you know how we do a death pool we need an over under on the like taylor's first conception i feel like he's god no it's coming soon right you know it's coming kyle i don't know i don't know maybe maybe i go the the kyle route go no kids lock all my money up and fun things think about all the excess money you'll have through your whole life the lack of stress think about even the parent is like yeah don't oh the international travel it's gonna blow yeah all those trips to japan i had a lifetime of focusing on your own happiness. What was that meme you sent me one time, Woody, that was like it was like

Jerry's girlfriend broke up with him. Jerry was sad. But Jerry went and did like a ton of amazing shit. And part of it was like, and then he fucked cheerleaders and the assholes. And he drank beer and he stayed up late. And he played video games and he stayed up late

i mean i i can't imagine staying up late being big on the list you know it was just like anything basically it was like he just did whatever the fuck he wanted to do i wish you could find that again i was trying to show that to someone whose girlfriend broke up with him the other day and i couldn't find it when you guys were kids was bedtime a big set thing or was it like as you became tired you were allowed to go to bed no no 9 p.m was bedtime um when i was like a little kid uh like the the we had one of those grandfather clocks like a big one oh well as a four-year-old it was gigantic right it was big it was towering but um uh you know it would it would ding at you know nine times and like that was it like i remember that so explicitly like that thing ringing and be like up

nine and it was almost like yeah it's nine i have to go those are the rules like and my mom was like yeah they are i wish there was something i could do about it. I wish there was some wiggle room here. It was almost like as a four-year-old, those are just, well, yeah, you got to go to bed at 9 p.m. because that's when you go. God knows what would happen if we didn't. So I don't remember my age at the time, but whatever the bedtime was, call it 8 p.m.

I remember it being set in stone. So come like 7.30 p.m., remember it being set in stone so come like 7 30 p.m we'd be the best behaved children ever and if you kept that up for a little while bedtime could stretch you know might be 8 20 before parents are like wait a minute because because you're being an angel yeah i i think it extended to like uh like 10 p.m like like later, when I was a teenager or whatever. 18-year-old Kyle. You know, like 12, 15, 14. 10 times, Kyle.

After a while, they're just not checking. Of course. You know you have to drive your sister to school tomorrow, so maybe go to sleep sometime or don't. Fuck you. I remember realizing my parents just didn't want to deal with me at one point where it was like like it wouldn't like it got to like

middle school time and it wouldn't be like bedtime it would be like go to your room for the rest of the night time like you're you go to your room and you're just in your room so it'd be like eight o'clock and i'm like 16 or 15 and be like all right well i guess i gotta go to my room and spend the rest of the night there because i can't relate to that one yeah yeah i looking back that was strange like i remember being like 14 i like that like all right it's it's bedtime and you have an 8 p.m get out of my hair time yeah yeah it was literally like that like at 16 probably probably 14 i know for sure because i would be like i was in eighth grade which is 14 and i'd like get home and it'd be like 8 maybe 8 30 and he'd be like all right everybody bedtime and it's like what it's like well you know just just go away it's go away time pretty much is

what it was no we didn't have a go away time jesus um i'm trying to think like i remember like when i was like maybe like 12 and like killer b nightmare was on fox oh that scared the shit out of me man and i wanted to watch it it was like one of those things like you guys have to keep in mind like there's no way to watch killer b nightmare again right it's on it's on right now you know it's on they're showing it there is trust me like 12 year old me couldn't have gotten his hands on a copy of that vhs if i tried with all of my heart like it probably didn't exist it's a tv movie in like 95 or whatever so like i'm begging my mom please let me watch the last you know hour of killer b nightmare i watched the first she's like it started at 9 p.m you know your bedtime's at 10 and i'm just like let me fucking stay up and see how this killer b nightmare first of all it ends terribly it's

a it's an awful movie but as a kid i thought like that they have to like clog up the vents in a car at one point and like the underneath the bathroom door any trope you can imagine with things needing to be clogged or smoke being employed or some yahoo with a shotgun thinking he can win the day all of those things happen what we needed was i was, we needed one guy with a paramotor to like, and like use the paramotor to like push the bees away. I'm so much slower than the bees.

No, he's going to blow them away from the family. Every year on the Facebook paramotor group, I get annoyed because someone thinks he's the first one to employ it as a leaf blower like look at me doing the leaves in the yard what a dumbass i'm like this is my sixth year in a row watching someone come up with something clever what what's the coolest like you gotta be careful though those things are expensive we can't be

chopping taters okay but is there anything cool you could do with, obviously other than like the, other than that cool stuff it normally does, of course, I don't know how fast it would go as a bike. Like, you know, if you use it as a bike propulsion thing, I think you could go 50 or so.

Maybe we should start small. Like, like maybe like, um, no, I like the bike. Like bike like where would you go you need like a runway or a salt flat or something yeah it's all flat that always that's really get going the fastest online always miles to go i want something with very little rolling resistance

a salt flat might not do that i'm not sure you know what do you mean is it a little like sand yeah okay why do they do it on salt instead of like because it's super duper super flat and and it oh it's just because of the flat it's not because of the salt at all it's just and you know it's if so i watched a documentary on a car trying to break the record and the salt flat went wrong i think it was wet or something so they went to a road and they're like at 500 miles an hour even seemingly very flat roads are just like ramps launching you into the air and dips and stuff so you need something that's super duper flat and also like a runway is pretty wide but it's not as wide as a salt flat

you can really get off track if you have to. I've seen them use all kinds of speed records. I was watching something a while back where some guy had some sort of contraption where there was like a propeller on top above. A gyrocopter. He was trying to prove some sort of physics problem and there was a ten thousand dollar bet on the line um something about uh because it was set up in such a way that like the forward movement would propel the propeller but the propeller would simultaneously provide forward movement and uh and there was a bit of uh an argument over the physics of it i

don't remember specifically the the what it was the machine you're describing is a gyrocopter it kind of looks like a helicopter but the top prop rotor thing is not like lift they're like oh oh it's just like a rotating wing and i'm like well you lost me already in in this simple explanation but uh yeah Zach, can you Google gyrocopter and show a picture of it? It looks like a one-man helicopter. I don't know. Paramotorists think they're cool. I'm not 100% sure why.

Okay, so it was Veritasium, if I'm pronouncing his channel right. You probably know that channel. I think he's super popular, like 11 million subs or something. But he had this uh this bet with a ucla physics professor um that's it yeah yeah so it's actually that prop in the back is pushing it forward and the rotor on the top is providing like lift based on the push forward but it's not

powered or anything it just spins it's. What an absolute death trap that is. It is actually one of the most, like the fatality rate and accident rates on that is really, really high. Look at it. It's got like a... Wait, that is not what I'm talking about. It's not even close?

Not even anywhere in the same neighborhood. Okay. That looks terrifying. What is the point of those windshields? I've never seen a two-seater one before. Look at the delusion of windshield. I'm sure it's pretty windy in there. What a dumbass.

No, this is a three-wheel car that has a propeller above it mounted on a tower. Yes, that is what it is. What were you talking about okay i'll just link you we probably can't watch this video no you can't watch the video but if you were to just skip i just need to know the kind of thing just two minutes and 10 seconds oh okay okay i know you're talking about it's just a a fan boat on land where you try and I've watched this video. I've watched this video where he, you know, they talk about the different physics theories of,

well, they think this should have a potentially intimate or infinite Excel acceleration because of the, uh, the constant, you know, movement of blah, blah,

blah. And that, but then some other physics guy said something. I also didn't understand and I thought that thing he said that I don't understand seems more compelling to the thing this guy said I don't understand. I think that the bet is that

that car can travel faster than the wind blows than the wind that it propels it and the guy who was arguing against it said well yeah it does in little spurts but that's just because you build up that energy, then the wind slows down, and then now the wind isn't technically pushing you, but you're accelerating. But that's just for this little part of it.

And so they did a $10,000 bet, and they had Neil deGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye, the science guy, be part of the agreement, the online handshake. Bill Nye, the science guy, be part of the agreement, the online handshake. Bill Nye? Yeah, a high caliber scientist. And then they went out into the salt flats and they proved their point. I watched a physics video today that I didn't understand, but I thought it was super interesting

anyway. I kind of understood. So the question, you've heard of speed of sound. You've heard of speed of light. Have you heard of speed of motion? Like. You've heard of speed of light. Have you heard of speed of motion? Like how fast you can move yourself? No. So imagine you had a steel rod, right? Like whatever, one inch in diameter, thick steel solid rod.

And you tap one end of it. How quickly does the other end move? It's kind of instant if the rod is like human length or something. Make it 300,000 kilometers long. And then you tap one end with a hammer. Let's pretend you're infinitely strong. And move it an inch. How quickly until 300,000 kilometers down the way that other inch moves? It's not instant. Is it the speed of light? It's the answer is it's related to the speed of sound in that medium. So if we're made out of jelly,

it'd be one thing. If we're made out of steel, it'd be, that makes sense. Yeah. And I guess the speed of sound is a nice approximation. The speed of sound in that thing is a nice approximation because you think speed of sound like me, maybe the speed of sound in that thing is a nice approximation because you think speed of sound like me, maybe the speed of sound in air,

the speed of sound is not the same through every medium. It is different in steel than it is in air and probably water. I'm sort of outside my depth here, but I watched a cool physics video about how quick the speed of motion is. So like, so it's a 300,000 mile tube or whatever it is 300,000 mile tube and you smack it with enough strength to move it an inch so it's like because it's not instant that inch movement is it like that like micro pressures throughout it actually like almost shorten it

by an inch at the moment of impact, and then it regains that as it rolls. Yeah, like a weight that extends through the other way. The speed of motion, and I hadn't even heard of that concept before. I haven't either, but that's really interesting. There's also the speed of smell that's often not discussed. Yeah, and in a hot shower,

that speed is faster than light. Shockingly fast. Dude, explain to me why if the speed of smell is very quick in a shower, why is the speed of dispersal not equally quick? And why is the speed of smell for my farts

faster to other people's noses? Why can they always know that I farted? If I smell it so quickly i should stop smelling it equally quickly but that doesn't seem to be how the science you know how you have like silly scientific thoughts like that i talked to someone once in this it made me crack up because i'd never considered it in that way they were like yeah every time i would fart i would try and sniff as much as I could so that I was sucking up all of the fart smell and it wasn't going anywhere else. And I was like,

yeah, yeah, that's dumb. But I, I see, dude, I had a friend in high school that would like, try to employ his friends to,

to, like to get their filter. Everyone breathe deep. Everyone breathe deep. We don't want the rest of the class to know about this. And it's like, I am not your fart partner in crime. Inhale in stitch you're on your i'll hold my breath bitch don't fart meanwhile you're like taking a deep breath and a cute girl you like comes over and

she's like your breath smells like shit smells like you inhaled scott's fart particles and just you didn't think about stuff like that kyle like sniffing up your own fart because i didn't either i didn't think about that until someone mentioned it and it's a very funny concept i just don't think that that would work i don't think you can like filter out like sulfur dioxide or whatever the fuck makes a fart smell with your lungs you don't think your lungs filter that? I mean, think about how I just feel like you've poisoned a whole room full of air with a fart, whereas

if you tried to inflate a balloon, we'd all be out of breath in five minutes. Like, Jesus Christ. Our lungs are so tiny compared to a room. Yeah, and it's going everywhere. Once you've leaked your fart out, it's like spreading like gas does.

I mean, it would be like spilling your wine to the river and trying to catch it real quick. This is absurd. Drink all the river water. Don't let the wine get into the ecosystem. I'm getting so sick of this river water. I don't think we're going to be able to

drink all the wine that Kyle spilled in the river. That's a good comparison. It's a very good comparison. It's a concept. And it's also. Okay. I've Googled this. It appears that the answer is somewhere in between.

Methane is the gas primarily responsible for the smell of farts and it's water soluble. This suggests that the methane could be taken up by the lungs, therefore eliminating the smell from the air. Hilarious. Of course, once released into the environment, the gas from the fart dissipates into the air, making it impossible to breathe up every atom of odorous gas. So your breathing would not effectively deodorize the air. Yeah. So it works, but just very poorly. Yeah.

I remember a news story once. Well, you could call it a news story. I used to listen to the G. Gordon Liddy radio show. You know who that is, right? He's a Watergate guy, maybe? He was in on the break-in. He was there. And then did his time in prison and became a really popular conservative radio host.

He had a very good voice, too. And a lifetime of cool experiences, including his prison stories. It was good stuff. And now I've forgotten why I wanted to bring up G. Gordon Liddy. Well, it started with the fart thing. he told i remember he told the story one time about a jail in mexico where they were on a diet of nothing but like beans and cabbage and it was a two-man cell and the guy on the top bunk died of asphyxiation because there was there was so

little breathable air yeah because they farted so much that one of them died i was in a conversation recently and the person lost their train of thought so i started doing what i always do i'm like uh the dog the car the this the that and like oh right like i do this professionally yeah yeah it is funny when like someone like gets onto a conversation or a topic that they're like that's wildly inappropriate and you're like no no no keep going uh the retarded guy on the bike the the retard the the rapist who assaulted people uh the uh uh the child criminal the child trafficker uh oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was talking about my birthday

and they didn't even deliver the seven-year-old I ordered. Dude, I came prepared to talk about the Ukraine thing. We talked about it on PKN. I looked into it a little bit and I still can't find any fucking reason. I did not look into it at all. So I need you guys to tell me what it's about. The more i looked into it the more it seems like there's probably a

lot of ukrainians that would like nothing more than to be a part of russia again and uh and and uh it just seems like while russia is definitely in the wrong um and we would be in the right by supporting ukraine militarily it's just still something that I don't think is I want any part of. I kind of agree, but let me lay it out. So Ukraine is Russia, right? Russia didn't start as this giant country that occupies like some huge portion of Asia. It started at one spot and it grew. And that spot it started was the Ukraine.

Over time, Ukraine and Russia have been like brother-sister countries forever. They are closer than America is to Canada or England. We consider them our closest allies. You couldn't mess with them without knowing that you're messing with us. Ukraine and Russia in the USSR,

Ukraine was a part of that, etc. Ukraine is now being courted by NATO. Most Ukrainiansians but not like 60 would kind of like to be part of the west they're right there on the edge eastern europe you know that they could be part of western europe they could be part of russia and 60 of them would choose nato based on what i'm seeing having said that 40 of them 40 would choose russia and that's not a small amount right you wouldn't find 40 of canadians saying they should give up their canadian identity and become america saying you might yeah for sure we'll do away with those

frenchies so nato has been winning over like former soviet states and eastern russia you know like poland was kind of a russian ally and now they're kind of an american ally nato's been chipping away at these and russia sees us doing that to ukraine and they're like not this one fucking no enough is enough i'm watching you chip away at our power for the last 20 30 years i can't have it. That's kind of what this is about. Russia has a maybe legitimate claim to Ukraine and Ukraine is like

you're kind of my ex and I'm trying to get away from you. Why do you think you can get me back? Maybe. That's what the relationship is. Who is the United States in this relationship? Because I'm enjoying the... We're kind of the new boyfriend. The's the background. Who is the United States in this relationship? Because I'm enjoying the... We're kind of the new boyfriend.

The new boyfriend that they've chosen instead in this relationship. Are we a good boyfriend? Do we take him out for a while? We're a terrible boyfriend, probably. I think we are. Do we buy him nice things, at least? We just use them for resources. The planet

has been largely at peace since world war ii because mostly america and nato's role as this global police force and the nuke the nuke did a big part of that yeah okay sure sure maybe the nuke has been a deterrent to people around the way that they used to pre-nuke all right cool cool uh russia is now saber rattling probably will do it invade the ukraine uh they've done some stuff like put troops on the border but countries do that as a show they've done other stuff like internal propaganda on why we should why we i'm russian here should be invading the Ukraine. They've, they set up hospitals on the edge of it. Not something that they always do. They have set up fresh blood to those hospitals to prepare themselves for the surgeries that you might expect in a war. And it's like, you know what, this is looking really fucking real. This isn't

looking like a show where you just bring your tanks to the edge of the border when you're supplying your new mash stations with blood and stuff like that and propaganda to your population as to why this is necessary to do. These are the sorts of things that mean they're for real, it seems. Now, I think it's pretty easy to make this first case and I'll make it on why America should stay away. Right. Why should we put our kids? Because to me, 18 and 20 year older children, why should we kill them to protect Ukraine's borders? Right. You could definitely ask that.

Totally. You could ask. And the nation's uh resources right our money our time talent treasure is going to be devoted to military shit when maybe we could be putting that effort towards like i don't know renewable energy or something else like it seems like america is always putting our time talent and treasure into this fighting stuff when it's maybe not the best use of that cool so that So that argument is super easy to make. And I feel like if I had to win a debate, I'd want to be on that.

It's very salient. Like it's a good argument. Yeah. The other side of the argument looks like this. We have had global peace for a long time. And part of it is because America doesn't let shit like this happen. If Russia invades the Ukraine, China's watching China very much wants to invade taiwan

and they'd like to see what happens when you do fuck with another country like an american ally you know like how close is america will america fight china about taiwan will america fight russia about ukraine if we stop like you could argue this is a replay of why should we fuck with germany when they involve invade poland or or Czechoslovakia? No one really knows what they did first. No, that seems. No, I'm not very convinced by the Nazi comparison, frankly. Like I not only do I.

Ukraine has nothing to do with me as a normal American person. Us defending the border of Ukraine does not help Americans. And as such, it should not be a priority of the American government. I mean, the American government at this point, it's pretty obvious. They don't really represent us.

They represent, they represent lobbied interests and wealthy corporations and shit. You could have made this argument about Poland or what did they do first? The Nazis. What was the first country they pulled out about Poland? Yeah, it it was poland uh and so like the comparison it was much more aggressive and the nazis had a more stated kind of view of what they wanted done whereas with this it's like okay so russia wants to go into ukraine and like re-amalgamated in and it seems like like half their citizenry pretty much wants that almost oddly enough from

from the american media perspective we go what how could this possibly be half almost half their fucking population wants to maintain this well we don't know because it is so distant from us we have no business there same with taiwan i don't care what happens with taiwan it is not my business it doesn't help middle americans it doesn't help the opioid crisis in the Midwest. It doesn't help the lack of health care crisis around the country. It doesn't help the wages crisis causing people to not be able to afford basic living expenses with the inflation happening because wages are so stagnated. There are so many fucking things we could be dealing with.

I hear you. I think you could make an argument that maybe america defending its own border should be a good use yeah better than money than ukrainian's borders right like i get you i feel like that's the easy side to win if you're trying to win a debate but i'm not trying to win a debate i'm trying to lay out the you know for sure for sure so so anyway um what happens if russia invades it seems like in america both the democrats and the Republicans are like, you know, not war. Right. Like, do we really want to go?

Look, we don't want them to do it, but not so much that we want to put our time, talent, treasure. And to me, children, fucking 20 year old children. Exactly. I'm old in harm's way. That doesn't harm's way. benign like this is war these are people who will be dead yeah mentally traumatized uh um i'm looking paralyzed you know like like badly hurt never the same their lives will be destroyed over it yeah disabled even the like even the ones with the best of experiences will

be fucked with in you know in their head or physically or whatever all right so um so there are a lot of solid reasons not to do what are we going to do it seems like everyone's on board with sanctions really strong aggressive sanctions that could even lead to counter sanctions and a big global like, angriness. But that's what we're doing. We have thus far done nothing. Mostly. And that's because like... We still have all the existing sanctions

on Russia, right? I'm actually not sure what the state of our sanctions are with Russia. But we haven't changed anything. Because the idea is like, keep your powder dry. If we do it now, there's a real sense that Russia is going to be like, well, fuck it.

If you're going to do it anyway, then I'm going to do my thing anyway. So, so, so far we're just trying to be like, don't be better. If you didn't be better for everyone, if you didn't.

And I mean, even if like, like this is my, like, even if the U S went in there, the the US with 20 years and more money than God and everything, they couldn't beat Afghanistan. And you could make arguments that they intentionally lost so they could maintain the goal through the media and politicians that we have to stay here. We have to stay here. We have to make more money. But they weren't able to win in any meaningful way. What was it?

45 minutes after they left the Taliban. It basically shows they were fighting a ghost shadow war and laundering money. I mean, it could have been an hour. Enriching these. Yeah, it could have been an hour. If the U.S. military in Afghanistan can't make meaningful footfalls towards progress, do you know how bad they will get fucked by Russia? Russia's not

a jokey military. Russia's not a joke military. They're not Cold War retards. They have a real-ass military, not like Afghanistan, not like the Taliban, not like these little insurgency groups that the U.S. somehow couldn't uproot over 20 years.

You really think they're going to go into the area of ukraine and beat russia no we would lose that conflict guarantee you're talking about two different things though right like like i don't think the rush is going to fight the way that afghanistan taliban yeah they'll fight much better with much higher tech resources i don't think and we will have losses that will no longer be able to be thrown to the media as oh we lost 12 people this month in afghanistan oh my goodness it's so horrible no if there's a fight against russia it's not going to be reports of 12 people die it's going to be reports of thousands of people dying and the american public will not stay on board for that for very long when they realize they're fighting there yeah yeah yeah so

i kind of agree mostly the only thing is it's not like when you fight a country you're trying to win every battle because america does that we kick the shit out of the afghanistan's battle by battle we kick the shit out of vietnam battle by battle you're trying to win better yet you're trying to beat the will of the other country and it turns out vietnam afghanistan have just wills that are hard to wilt right they just it doesn't matter how they lose every fucking battle and they're like i didn't hear no bell that that's what is and they and they don't even lose every battle those are just what we hear about it's like our pro military propaganda like we don't hear about the times that an iUD fucked up a military convoy so bad that they weren't able to deliver a billion dollar worth of resources to Baghdad or whatever the fuck. Like you don't learn about that stuff because it's demoralizing.

I guess if you call an IUD a battle, I kind of agree. And that's a clever way for an underpowered force to fight back. For sure. And they all do that. And you could predict this will happen again. And it would be way more, infinitely more brutal to cross the russians in a bad way than the afghanis it will really suck yeah and i think that most americans probably including me are on join you in that thought come on what are you play tarkov this is literally tarkov unfolding before our eyes they showed news

footage on rt was at russia today and and there was there was like russian defenders brace for the wave and and i looked and the russian defender looked like a fucking scab from tarkov he had a poof ball cap on it was all dirty his ak barely had like parts on it it needs to level up he had like rags wrapped around part of it it was perfect they were it was like something out of Comic-Con. There were scabs defending the border against what's going to be Russians, I guess. Look, I'm not as down on the U.S. military,

I think, as Taylor is. Taylor clearly hates the U.S. military. Lance Corporal Taylor doesn't deserve an auto-sale discount. Lance Corporal Taylor doesn't deserve an auto-sale discount. Lance Corporal Taylor. I mean, if you're going to steal valor, you could at least be a little more patriotic. Jesus Christ.

What was the name of that last war we won? There's so many. World War II. I'm more of a fan of battles. That very recent 80 years ago war? 85 years ago? Have we even declared war technically in a long, long time? No, because they don't declare war anymore

because they found a Congress loophole. All right, well, then don't ask questions if the answer is going to be we've won every war we've ever had except for, what, War of 1812? You can't count the Civil War as a win. I counted it as a win. i can't have a yankee no but like it's still it was still the country fighting it was still the country fighting against

the country and who won yeah can't lose the country but who lost the country not new jersey so i think that's a that's a win and a loss you You can't count that shit. If you count the Confederacy as our country, then you're not an American. That would be like some asshole being like, oh, no, that doesn't count. That's like saying that when the National League team beats the National League team, it doesn't count. Come on. Of course it counts.

That's how we determine who plays in the fucking World Series. That's a win. That's a win. That's a win. So World War II is the last win. We won the last war we had, yes. That's a great way to frame it. Yeah, we won the last war we had.

You're trying to count. This would be like counting when Conor McGregor fought that old guy in the bar. Oh, that's a win in his column? No, you don't count that win. And if he'd lost to the old man, he also wouldn't count it as a loss. You counted that win. That's because I'm a Conor McGregor fan, and he count that win and if he'd lost the old man i've heard you wouldn't count it as a loss you counted that win that's because i'm a conor mcgregor fan and he deserves that win that old man was feisty did you see conor mcgregor's instagram post i'm sorry to change that dude conor mcgregor is a fucking alcoholic now oh no he has gained like 40 pounds of body i'm

exaggerating let's say 30 pounds of body fat. I need photos. He was just laying on the back fucking high off his ass, giggling at nothing in a bed. This guy is fucked. And he just put out a post saying I'm going to stop drinking and prepare

properly for my next fight. And then he's drunk as fuck. I mean, the top story conor mcgregor confused his fans with long rambling instagram post the one i saw wasn't long and it was video so i might be talking about a different one but i read it and it said it was like he was drunk off his ass and i'm like well i'll be the judge of that you know people sensational. I was like, oh my god. He's so drunk. Dudes, I don't think he's thriving right now.

I don't know. There's a picture of him here. He looks very fit. That's him. I saw it in video form. I remember the ice cream in particular. He's got his arm around the ice cream. He's got an ice cream bar. One of those strawberry bars. Those are good. Yes, that's what it um i i don't know if we can show the video he deleted it shortly afterwards but he looks like shit right now if you don't know what connor's supposed to

look like this is a very puffy version of connor yeah he looks great there then you know if you go to his instagram you can see pictures of him he's put on weight but he is more muscular than he's ever been like he's a bigger i think you're right um i will say sometimes you add a little fat to the same dude and he just bulks up in an attractive way almost like um more plates more dates did a thing on like superman and they're like look how strong he got he's like he's just fatter and of course he's not fat by any conventional standard but that's what it is yeah um what are you talking what are you thinking of superman no no no it's um okay so anyway ukraine i feel like there's an easy case to make that it's not worth the cost. And I guess we'll try and do it with sanctions. And I think that's about the right way to go.

If you had your pick, would you rather have Biden or Trump in this moment? I really don't know. I was thinking to myself, how would Trump handle it? How would Trump handle it? And last week or two weeks ago, I thought to myself, what he would do is he would say, invade. I'll step out of the way. Russia, cool. America has nothing to do with this problem, which is one way. Maybe not terrible. Trump also might go like he did on North Korea and be like, I've got a bigger button than you do.

Probably not. But Trump was – one thing Trump did that i kind of like is he didn't tell you what he was gonna do he kept every option on the table he would never say like are you gonna use nuclear weapons against this guy he'd be like maybe why would i tell you i'm not and disarm myself and i'm like not dumb hope Respect it. That's a good answer, too. So what would Trump do against Ukraine? What's the funniest answer? Hang on.

What's the funniest answer? He wouldn't show us cards, I think, at this point. The funniest answer to will you use nukes? Hope so. No, no, no, no, no, no. I got to be the bad one. That's a great question. I'm very interested by that question.

Thank you so much. no, no, no. I got an even better one. That's a great question. I'm very interested by that question. Thank you so much. Actually, I'm gay. He's like, what if North Korea launches nukes? And he's like, well, he better not. I got a big button, too, and it's bigger than his button. The biggest button that lots of people took. I got to use two hands, push it down. Big button, size of a table.

He probably doesn't have tables that size where he's from that's fine i don't insult other cultures just some cultures have better tables than others like he would just like that's what he would do like i could see him you're 100 right woody i could see him both doing the or i could see early term trump being, that has nothing to do with us. We're not doing anything to do with Ukraine. Late term Trump, he'd be like, I have the most nukes, the most missiles. You try it.

You try and come to Ukraine, Rochelle. Fuck you up. Like he would be big talking, bloviating as he is. He could. Yeah, yeah. I don't know exactly what Trump would have done. I do love that trump literally had a diet coke button are you guys familiar with this yeah we love the diet coke

button i wish i had i wish i had yeah i would love a diet coke but i would get a cream one times a day buddy literally has i'm trying to think what would my button i think i i kind of have a coffee button i just texted yeah i've done it twice having having a a diet coke button is just the fattest thing that you can do yeah it's funny though like he made fun of himself remember that like 2011 super viral tweet he made or something where he was like i've never seen a thin person drinking diet coke that's all he said and everyone was like that's true it's before 2015 so we don't know we're supposed to hate this guy yet that's funny like i didn't take it as him picking on himself though maybe i missed the oh i thought he meant it as like he's yeah i'm fat too guys i'm drinking i

everybody knows that slant i guzzle at the time because everybody knows he drinks a shit ton of diet he did like presidential addresses with diet coke on his desk yeah yeah i uh midi has that that one clip on the soundboard it's not even close uh coke zero is pretty fucking good though like they changed the formula diet coke is just boomer fuel. You know who changed my mind on diet sodas? I don't drink diet sodas, but I'm open to them because of Greg Doucette.

Apparently, that guy pounds... Have you ever seen his shopping? Yeah, it's a lot to diet soda. I'm the same way. He's great. I order 24. He'll buy like 150 minus six or whatever. you know like sodas at a time and it's just like it's so much diet this guy stays hydrated it would seem with diet soda and

it's like if you need to have some sort of cheat something sweet right because very few people stay to a truly truly painful diet all all the time. Then diet soda, I guess, is not the worst thing you can do. No, it doesn't seem bad at all to me. I mean, the artificial sugar is probably good for you. I was looking at cereals. Like different ways to do carbs. Because rice and cream of rice get old. And one of the healthier cereals, was shocked is cinnamon toast crunch it's cinnamon

toast crunch compared to what compared to what like there's less sugar in it like raisin bran oh like those little raisins are just covered in sugar i thought you were gonna be compared lucky charms no um actually probably it's probably it's definitely healthier than lucky charms because lucky charms has fucking marshmallow lucky charms is just candy there's candy in there remember when they made lucky charms just marshmallows i'm feeling a little called out by this whole conversation but like cheerios like like multi-grain cheerios are like the healthiest cereal by far like they're disgusting i'm not eating that um. You know what I do? If you add enough sugar, they're good.

I put a spoonful of Splenda in there and my vanilla cashew milk and you give it a little whirl, throw a little cinnamon in there. You got some nice cereal. You add a cup of sugar and now you're talking. A spoon of Splenda. That's all you need. And then when you're done, drink the milk so that sugar gets in.

I always drink the milk. Do you remember that like that office episode where Michael is like drinking scotch or like and he's like scotch and Splenda tastes like Splenda still still gets you drunk. And then he's like just drinking scotch and Splenda and like seeing that clip. I'm like, that is most woody thing to do with alcohol like if someone's like what do you have to drink this thing of of whiskey he'd be like oh wow is there splenda or something just my sweetener choice actually my favorite my favorite michael scott thing um when they're

doing the michael scott paper company and he's picking them up at like 4 a.m crack of dawn or whatever and she goes do you have coffee and he hands her this thermos he goes cream and sugar and she takes it she goes oh thank god she takes a sip and she goes oh is this just cream and he goes that's what I said you every morning have you ever had cream and sugar like that no I bet it's tremendous it's amazingly good so I actually don't put cream and

sugar I put like some sort of almond cream substitute in stevia but my wife would have cream and sugar in her coffee and one day she made the cream and sugar first before she added the coffee like you would add the coffee to it later and I tried it and it is very good it turns out if you have fat and sugar together it's outstanding it's literally ice cream

yeah a little bit of vanilla in there just got cold and some mix freeze it yeah yeah that's why like um i remember when um like the tarkov foods like like like the condensed milk, whenever he cracks that open and eats that in the field, I'm thinking like, oh my god. To drink down a whole 16 ounce can of condensed sweetened milk in the field. You would feel so terrible like 40 minutes later.

It's interesting because the way it affects your character, your hydration, it's plummeted. It dries you out, but your energy is off the charts. You're just like, fuck, yeah, because you just ate a whole can of melted ice cream. I don't know what condensed milk is like in real life. I only know how to use it in terms of... It's just like what Kyle said.

I've used it in... It's like that astronaut ice cream kind of? No, no, no, no, no. It's more like... It's wet. It's a syrup. It's like a honey consistency, but it's sweetened milk. So it's like thick, melted

ice cream. What do you do with it normally? It goes into recipes and baking recipes and stuff like that as like a sweetening, flavoring, consistency changing element. Sometimes in Tarkov I'll have things like most, if people don't play the game,

most foods dehydrate you a little bit. So you eat your food, then you drink your water later and your character's all set. Peas give you a little energy and they hydrate you a touch. Milk does the same thing. So if you combine peas and milk, it does good things for your character.

But in real life, that's awful. awful and i'm like i don't know if i can stomach peas and milk in another raid this is getting to be terrible yeah that would be really awful um i think eating that beef stew in the field would be pretty nasty i think anything but the mre um mre is pretty good in real life i've never had an mre yeah you really no i've never tried an mre i think i have they're kind of fun like first first of all you can order them off of amazon and they come with you know the heating element that you add the water and it gets all bubbly and uh they're you always want them to be more complicated than what they end up being like

when i watch the mre guy um who we should have on as a guest i think i i'd love to have the mre guy um on this guest um that guy's into fitness too i don't know if you ever noticed like like he's fucking yeah he's a fit fella i've only watched like two videos where i saw him but yeah he is yeah um i always want one like he's got like some slovenian like air force three-day ration but i end up getting some nonsense off of amazon and i end up having like peanut butter crackers with peanuts that's literally what they gave me like it's like oh peanut butter and crackers oh and what else what else peanuts okay and what else trail mix that's all peanuts it was they gave me like three peanut things and some ravioli and i

was very upset i wanted to feel like an army man like an army man i feel like it's the like all right this is what america's department of defense has put together in terms of food and you're like oh a clever way to heat up this or this is what a brownie looks like when you need that brownie to last for 75 years yeah i'm interested in that um and also like how the other countries um uh do do things because everybody seems to have like the same idea about forks and spoons but not everybody has the same idea on the value of coffee some cultures clearly or countries maybe i should say man it's the most important you need like eight different kinds of coffee and three kinds of creamers and four sweeteners in

there we got that don't worry like there's not a lot of food left but it's most all right it's all coffee it's all there's yeah yes it comes with a keurig yes like there's so much coffee in some of these countries like like rations. And then some of them will have just cans of fish that look so disgusting. And lots of pate, which isn't really a thing here, I don't think. I think of potted meat product. How's the American macro situation? Is it all carbs or do they get you some proteins? It's mostly carbs.

It's mostly carbs and fats because there's so much peanuts and so much like. But there's tons of like crackers, peanut butter. And then like the main that I got was like cheese tortellini or something like that. It was just like a giant carb bomb. I didn't eat most of it. It was just I was like, how many peanuts am I going to sit here and eat before I'm satisfied that I've got the whole thing down? I think I know what they're all going to taste like. Yeah, that's how I was with the grasshoppers.

I had a couple. I get the full grasshopper experience. I finished the tortilla. Yeah, I'm interested. I would have done that too, just to get the experience. But I hope that you were like yeah give me give me one grasshopper taco and three chicken tacos there was a plate full of grass obviously make it yourself so i saw an article on reddit that said that people are more attractive

in masks and i agree first i questioned it and then like, you know, I kind of see it. I feel like I substitute whatever's under that mask for something good. Which mask makes you look the best? The article said it was the blue surgical one. You can probably imagine it. Okay. Yeah. I,

I kind of need to see it, but it's not what I would have picked. I would have picked like the, the formula one black mask. I'm a big fan of those. I think they're very attractive. What mask do you want to look good in? What mask would make you look good? I don't know, but I've said before, I wear what I've been told is a douchey mask, that gator thing.

I wear it for a couple reasons. If I'm wearing it, I'm probably outdoors, right? It's going to be fucking cold. told is a douchey mask that like gator thing um and i wear it for a couple reasons like if i'm wearing it i'm probably outdoors right and it's gonna be fucking cold i was wearing it outside at an event the other day and i was really glad that i had the mask i had because it was like a neck warmer at the same time i don't know i don't even see mine on the thing mine is just a big black tube that i slide over yeah maybe number 11 but black yeah yeah and yeah yeah exactly probably i think the article felt like number one made people the most attractive i think number two makes people the most attractive yeah i don't know i i tell you what i don't like 14 because it has

here's the thing here's the difference here's what i think's happening when you see one and two you think doctor nurse and like maybe athlete in your case um i think when you see 14 you think yeah get the leaves too get the leaves yeah right right yeah yeah hey hey the leaves too so when i was in mexico i don't know how to describe it but i had a big white one that worked well because i was going to be on like planes for so long and i was in mexico i didn't want to get covet in mexico so the one i wear around here is maybe like a little fucking republican it's a cloth mask that looks and feels good the one i wore on my trip was i chose it to

be uh effectacious right i chose it to actually fucking work i actually have a lot of those uh like number 10 and number six are identical to me um but okay ones that have that like yeah that are really expansive in a way that they don't seem like they're gonna like i like those two i lost the ones that i had are you guys talking about the the difference in these like what uh we started with which one makes you most attractive but um in mexico i chose this one that i thought would work really well and i think it might have been m95 or something because they're dirty fit tight and i was gonna be on a plane for so long and i didn't want to get covid and like rely on the mexican health system to nurse me back who knows what fucking witchcraft but where i was headed with this is it didn't touch my lips and I could talk

better. And I've learned like, wow. So all this time I've been wearing a mask, I've been trying to be heard doing one of these things. Yeah. And then when there was a little space next to my mouth, it's not the most handsome look,

but I can speak better. Like number two, you're talking about value that I don't see a perfect parallel. Is it the one that like sticks out from your face and like a tiny bit yeah it's not too super extreme but there's an element of that yeah okay because i really don't like the the ones are the ones i use all the time if i have to use them but those ones they make you look terrible well it's also just because i'm fat and so like i'll look at myself in the mirror with that mask and be like yeah that's the criminal here can i jump in on you yeah um

the article i read said number one makes you look the best and i wouldn't have guessed that but when i saw the pictures i was like i kind of see it no no if one of them makes you look the best it's like i can't exactly see what's going on with number two because there's like a fold on the right and it's kind of dark on the left but if it's one of those that's more angular that one looks better for sure like the more rigid one whereas the the blue one just kind of folds and just just kind of muffles around you you know like there's there's not a lot of form fitting there so i would definitely just who the fuck were they asking? For number one. I think Zach's about to show

the one I wore on the plane. It's not exactly it, but it's close enough that you'll get the idea. You've probably seen him before. Yeah, it was something like that. Jesus, that mannequin is terrifying. Look at those eyes! Is that like a dummy at an esthetician

school for makeup? That's what they would look like when I buy them. I would buy Maddox that looked exactly... They'd always had these ridiculous... Those are real lashes. Those aren't thrown off. Oh, for your gun channel. I thought you were admitting to something. Okay. No, my friends. That's his cover. So yeah, that mask is super attractive, but it

fit well on my face. When I wear most masks low-key i know the air is coming in right here like below my eyeglasses if i have them on when i wore this the air was like and when i inhaled it it fit to my face and kind of suctioned and the air was coming through the mask not around it that's good this one looks too duckish yes yeah and this one's a looks too duckish. Yes. And this one's a little more duckish than mine was. You look like you're hiding the fact that you're

from another planet. Yeah, you look like you have a jaw problem and you're taking advantage of it. No, he's got tusks. He's got tusks that he wants to conceal. Oh yeah, it's about COVID, not my tusks. But I don't know if you hear what I was saying.

The fact that it didn't touch my lips made me speak much better. I didn't realize. Yeah, that's a downside of the thing that I wear. But I really like how warm it keeps me. It's like a... And when I pull it down, now it's like a... It looks like a scarf. So it's like... I don't know.

I don't have some... Do the places around you guys even have mask-required signs and shit anymore or no? Because around here, there's very little of that now. Well, I do it regardless because I go to some places that are like really populated and like big crowds. And then I go to like a hospital a couple of times a month to do some stuff there. So I end up around scary stuff. So I wear my mask. Well, I know you have to go like wear it at the hospital. Like that's a place where like they're yeah they're stickler about that in my area yeah the bigger the

organization the more likely it needs a mask obviously hospital i think i've ruined kyle's joke i'm sorry um but like a grocery store is going to require a mask too if it's some international chain that sells like kids toys like learning express we probably need a mask but if it's like the quickie mart at the gas station you don't um but other little stores around you still do yeah they never did interesting really that to me is like or so i live in georgia i'm down here in georgia we don't believe in masks uh we have not had to wear masks um i don't i've been told to wear a mask once ever um outside of the hospital um and it was it was when i went to fucking comcast like place to get a new like modem because mine like fried that morning and i was like obviously we're not going without internet

and i walked in i had left my mask at home he's and he's they they freaked the fuck out but you have a mask and i'm just like i left it at home i'm here for the modem i need it now i'm cast they freaked out yeah they like there was a very effeminate black man behind the counter and he was not having me me coming in there unmasked but he found a mask for me and i put it on and that ties into my big organization thing only time like comcast doesn't surprise me that they required masks but if you went to like whatever joe's quickie mart he probably lets slide yeah like the local publics i can't remember the last time a gas station like quick trip had like oh i'm asking here like they haven't had that i do all the employees might have one like

yeah i was like living in and i'm sure kyle was the same like living in georgia like living in missouri like even throughout 2021 they're like it's getting serious everybody's gonna gotta wear the mask and shit and like you'd go out and like you'd be like oh i saw online how serious everybody's taking this and then you like walk to the grocery store and it's like i'm not gonna be the weirdo wearing a mask like with no like just to be clear i wear mine at the grocery store what i'm what i'm getting at though is there's no requirement like there's no requirement at all i think you'd be called out in my area if you didn't at the

grocery store yeah to me it's i'm surprised to hear this because to me grocery store is like one step under hospital in terms of always being on the mask train no like most like early on in covid everybody was wearing their mask like like most of 2020 in grocery stores but it seemed like it died off like very early 2021 around here where it was like yeah whatever i'll tell you what immediately died off like and i liked it for a long time they had the one-way lanes in the grocery stores uh lately and and i was just like i never experienced that really wait so you mean like you're like they can only go one way that's actually pretty convenient yeah so so and that was oh no no it's actually not good because like then you go in the mexican

aisle and you want salsa you're going through the salsas on the other side you're not allowed to go so now you now you have to double back and double lane it. That's actually shitty. I don't like that. Because you're not allowed to go north down the salsa aisle. The salsa aisle is southbound traffic only. If you want to get back to the salsa

aisle, you're going to have to take the 405 over to the coffee, head north up there, make a right, hook you up down to the salsa town. are you saying if you pass your salsa you have to do another lap or it's like the problem is you forgot it the first time so you're it's not that he's forgetting it woody it's like imagine you're walking through an aisle and you're on the right side of traffic and the salsa you want is on the left show no no no all right so you've misunderstood as well.

Oh, okay. God damn it. This is so simple. You can only go in one direction in an aisle. Oh, okay. So you have access to both sides. You have access to both sides. Okay, all right.

Well, this is a much better system than the nonsense I made up. Yeah, Taylor, the point is you can maintain social distancing by going in the same direction. If there's crossing like this, then you're next to people that you otherwise wouldn't have to be. Well, that's why it was such a dumb idea that I made up. But anyway, Kyle, continue.

So you're going through your one-way traffic. Nobody wants to do it anymore. And I liked it so much because it kept you from getting jammed up with people. And inevitably, someone turns their fucking cart sideways. And it's all blocked up. And the guy's trying to put more cans on the aisle and i just want to get to the salsa i do a lot of salsa there's not many calories in it you live near a bunch of retards you have people turning their cart sideways in the aisle the old ladies and shit like georgia is florida adjacent of course there's retards there they leak over turning sideways six hours away,

okay, where I am. I'm six hours in Florida. Also, you guys can't be talking about rudeness. You both admitted that you aren't cart people. You don't return your carts every time. You guys leave your carts in the middle of the fucking road. There are occasions in which it...

I don't know. I know Kyle did. I've never done that. Do you seriously think I've entered a grocery store for a large amount of groceries? I just look for a healthier alternative to restaurant food. Dude, Woody goes into grocery stores

and is surprised when versions of Lays that were canceled in 2015 are no longer available. You can't find Listerine strips anymore. They're gone. Dude, genuinely, 2015 that were canceled in 2015 are no longer available you can't find listerine strips anymore they're gone dude genuinely like 2015 is when those went away like i've been looking all i found them on blind or something i like those those like little little tabs that you put on your tongue and you're like oh oh it's too intense it's so intense oh well hopefully my breath is good now yes

smart mouth needs to get on the listerine strip train exactly get on it but imagine that they'll have like two strips that combine in your mouth to create a formula to be like a dingy put one on the top one on the bottom and let let the magic happen i want it to be like pop rocks i want like a smart mouth that comes in a pouch like pop rocks and like like when i when i have bad breath but I don't even have time for a liquid. I need a dry source of mouth refreshment. That's a good idea. And you know what?

Like pop rocks themselves. Where did they go? I haven't seen. I haven't seen a container. Oh, they exist. Are they still around? Yeah. They used to have them hanging.

Love them. I remember like at the grocery store, you would go through that aisle, the final checkout aisle, and there would be that clip strip of them hanging there, the little strawberry ones. No, not the Fun Dips. I'm sorry. I'm thinking of the Fun Dips, but the Pop Rocks are obviously good, though. They pop and shit.

Yeah, yeah. Pop Rocks is the way to go. I loved Pop Rocks. Let me ask you this. What the fuck is that spoon for the Fun Dips made out of? It's made out of sugar. Yeah, it's just sugar candy. Really?

Yeah. I threw it away. I can't believe I'm remembering. You threw it away? What are you, a fucking retard? That was half the candy in the whole thing. Yeah, no, no. You get it wet.

You dip it in. When it's done, you eat the spoon. What were you licking on your finger you mongoloid i think i just emptied the pouch into my mouth like a monster dude this is this is so it's so funny you mentioned that because i was gonna say a second ago i remember from grade school this kid who was dumb not quite not quite as fucking retarded as you apparently because he still realized he realized that the dipstick was candy and so he would crunch through he would put the whole dipstick in his mouth crunch through it and then he would tear off the top and pour all the candy powder in his mouth

and i was always like josh like you're wasting all of your candy experience in like two seconds on the playground like you could be you could be enjoying candy all throughout history class or whatever, or whatever fucking classes they have when you're nine. Yeah. Kyle, you, you, you ate that like a fool.

You're throwing, you were throwing away candy like a, like a, like a dunce. You didn't notice how, when you suck on it, it gets smaller. I never sucked on it.

Like, like, like, like why? He got a suck on it. Yeah. i never sucked on it like like why yes you gotta suck on it i didn't see the point i thought it looked like a piece of like open those pretty little lips and i thought it was like a piece of clay or something or you know how like on it i just let it exist in my mouth for a longer period of time

you know the little wax bottles that had those on the inside? Those are terrible. I hated those wax bottles. It's called spoon warming and it's nice. What are you doing? What is this bit you're doing? It's getting weird. Did you actually like

that wax shit? that was like even that was like on the same tier no no no what i was doing was i was comparing the empty wax bottles to that dippy spoon thing that's why that's how i thought of it i thought of is like edible trash no no it's it's just sugar water with glycerin hardened i would assume assume. Well, I got to go get me one of those. I want to know what they taste like. I don't know if they even do. They make fun dip. Oh, they make fun dips.

How could they stop? Because like fun dip is also one of those candies that like is in the realm of a good and plenty. You know, like think of how many like good and plenty to the time fun dips came out. Bunch of good candies a couple of bad candies then fun dip comes out and think of between fun dip in 1994 whatever it was and now the reese's fast break has come out in that time they revolutionized chocolate and peanut butter the nutrageous they they did all that was 97 yeah yeah well we all know it was it was a it was a good year fine if i'm right about that i gotta be close

i got what's the candy and not outrageous i'm guessing not outrageous is more like a 2010 candy bar and this will show 97 who is the fattest 94 oh i'm close that didn't wait not outrageous yeah fuck man i just remember eating them in 1997 because i remember my dad had a uh a blue f-150 and it was the 1997 body style i can picture it and i remember like i remember eating that not outrageous candy bar as a kid it was fucking delicious i'm so hungry right now i want candy so bad the reese's fast break came out in 2002 which which gels this makes sense now okay because i remember like what's the best playground candy snack even playground candy or snack playground candy or snack i remember thinking like i was so like cool and manly one time on the playground uh because i had jer I had jerky, exactly. I had

some Jack Link's peppered jerky in a container and everybody else was having their juice boxes and I'm like, no, dude, I'm eating meat. Pringles are pretty awesome. What flavor? All of them, but I'll say barbecue for the purposes of it.

Ew, that's the worst flavor. Only cheddar! Swing and a mist on the i'd rather have pizza flavor than that oh no and pizza flavor was actually good okay i'm going sour cream and onion because the problem with sour cream and onion is that you're not an adult you can't handle it yeah cream and onion is amazing for like a third of a tube but if you're a whole tube guy you get burns and like you're injuring yourself yeah you have to play through the pain if you want to get to where i if you want to get

to where i if you want to get to to my way i don't know what pringles so I'm pretty sure that the way they make Pringles involves making potato powder and then pressing that into a chip. Are there potatoes killed in the making of a Pringle? Yeah, but they turn them into a goo, right? And their potato children are raped. Pringles are the McDonald's chicken nugget of the potato chip

world. They are the trashiest of chips because they are not a true chip. All the other chips are a slice of potato that has been fried and salted. I agree. Let me talk to you about why sour cream and onion

Pringles taste that way. Do you ever see that white powder that's in there that's all over your hands? Yeah, all that white powder all over it. What do you have with your potato chips? There's white powder all over them. White powder, white powder, white powder. That's funny. But yeah, I know what you're saying,

but I feel like you are throwing the entire Pringles brand under a bus. Where it belongs. Because a lot of their chips are bad. Sure. All of their chips are bad. They can't compete with the crunchers. They leave a bad taste.

They use some sort of weird oil. They can't compete with the kettle cooked. The kettle cooked, that's a different thing. They can't compete with that. The nice sour cream and onion Pringle is not bad. It's not as good as even a Lay's sour cream and onion.

Oh, you're so wrong. Because Lay's is better. You don't like Lay's? Everything that Lay's has is better than anything that Pringle's has. I was agreeing that the Lay's sour cream is better. You're wrong. You probably eat SunChips. I don't eat SunChips, you fucking bitch.

You see, telling me... Saying that a man likes SunChips is the worst thing you can say about a man. You like those crackly bags, don't you, you bitch? That he has no honor. Of course they call him a punk-ass bitch. Do you remember that... was like from like 2005 or something when sun chips like in my memory were start starting to get huge and there was a family guy making fun of it where stewie was like i'm just going

to eat sun chips they're good for you and he's holding he's like oh no they are not like looking at the back of it like no it's just fucking chips it's the same as vitamin water why was the bag so loud were they trying to revolutionize bag it was it was literally a recycling thing i remember because i went to the store when they first came out with it and like was gonna buy one and it sounds like you're robbing them when you pick up a bag because it's so loud and it says on the back oh no and it says on the back like notice something about our bag and it's like what that it's wildly inconvenient for the consumer no it's for it's it helps to get six packs off of turtle heads or something and it's like i don't even know if we're benefiting

i don't i don't well they refuse turtles like the ukraine like what's in it for me to get the fucking bottle the way i see it every conflict on earth is a zero-sum game and and i am the one to gain by it not happening and so that's how i see it yeah that shit's i like fun uh funyons were like when i was a kid when i was when i was in second grade oh okay not not anymore no i haven't had a were you a were you a fat little second grader no i didn't get chubby until i went to uh like homeschooling and like i was hanging around with dad all day and like you know you just got access to anything because like i i was a grown man right you know i had you know i'm i'm working every day and i had money to spend and so i could buy my own fucking snacks when i wanted to and so i got chubby doing that like there's some pictures of me like deer hunting

and i've got like the deer's antlers i'm holding them up and i got them big old um little chubby cheeks i'm like 13 or 14 or something like that um but that was good those were good times though i really enjoyed those those couple years i was homeschooled i should have just done the rest those are you should have just done the rest. You should have just done it, but I need to get back to the pressing issue. I was trying to get us away from the fucking chips, man.

I'm not going to let it happen, man. We're going to keep talking about chips. What, other than Crunchers and Kettle Cooked, are the premium chip for you? I feel like if you include the Kettle Cooked, that stuff, that is a truly...

Well, there's like 30 different brands of the Kettle Cooked chips. I do like those a lot. I like Lay's. Original Lay's are really fucking good to me. Totally agree. They're delicious. It's bullshit chip.

It's mainstream. It's pure basic bitch chip. The original Lay's is still around for a reason it's delicious you know what flavor it is like bud is delicious salt yeah i love salt i fucking love salt and grease and you know what the best part is here's my the oil i was gonna get to that yeah here's how you know you got a lays chip every now and then you get a bite and there was like a bubble in that chip that had a little oil in it you get a little mouth little mouth full of the straight up vegetable

oil and you're just like that's the good chip that chip was holding that oil for me for weeks and weeks I haven't had chips in a while you haven't had chips in a while I don't remember my last chip I've had a real go around the past

month or two with goldfish i've been eating i keep telling myself that i'm not eating cheez-its and i haven't had cheese it in a long time but i have eaten how how many calories of cheez-its are in those giant boxes that they bring to like kindergarten classes for snacks for kids. Because I need you to double that because I found it on Amazon that you can order boxes, those big giant boxes of goldfish to your house. And so I did. And I've been just mowing through them. Goldfish are such a primo snack. You put the goldfish in a bowl and then bring the bowl to where you're sitting.

Yes. And then you get up over and over and over and over. I've been in like I'm like stoned as shit late at night, like walking over with my little dish of goldfish. And then it's like I black out and I reappear and the box is there. And I'll finish my little bowl of goldfish and be like oh that was a good little snack and then just immediately dump dump dump more in it's like this isn't actually my grandmother always had goldfish at her house i like like that's one of the things i remember about like being there was like there'd be gold i love goldfish there'd be the bowl of goldfish

and like coca-cola in the can for like movie nights movie nights. And there would always be... And those Werther's Originals. But I'm not a big Goldfish fan. I like the Cheez-Its better, I think, or Cheese Nips, whichever. That's a fun take. Definitely not Nips. Cheese-Its, yeah.

And it's funny we're talking about this landmark. I stopped watching him last night because he stopped playing Tarkov and did a chip tier list. this is completely unrelated i just remembered this like he was like all right here we go and he had ordered like 35 bags of rare potato chips and he had a big overlay and he was gonna like place them in tears like it's a good bit i figured i'd come back for the video and watch it later i don't know what he agreed on but um dude that sounds like so much fun so 4 000 calories in that container you're talking about yeah yeah i i didn't think it would be that many that's quite a few i did eat two

and if i and i lied it was over the last three weeks so you've had 8 000 calories worth of goldfish over the last three weeks yeah yeah it'll single-handedly make you over two pounds heavier just those that's i don't like that math but it checks out i'm looking at snacks right now that's what i'm doing have you ever had the uh the chicken in a biscuit crackers. Oh my God. I could eat whole boxes of that. I love chicken in a biscuit. Every once in a while when I'm high as shit, I go to the store and I get chicken in a biscuit and I bring that whole box home and I eat it.

Is it safe to assume that chicken in a biscuit crackers are a good source of protein? Because it says chicken in the name. There's no chicken in them. It's a good source of salt. I remember when there was a comet um that was passing by when i was like maybe a 13 14 15 something like that and it was one of those once every 80 years like maybe it was haley's yeah yeah and uh and so i camped out in the backyard

all night on the deck of our pool um it was like threw some blankets and like pillows out there and i had a box of those chicken and a biscuit crackers and like i just remember like being out there all night like watching the thing and thinking like pay attention you're never gonna see this again and uh it was pretty underwhelming looking back it just looked like a comet you know like you've still got to enjoy your chicken and a biscuit they were delicious and my dog like slept out there under the blankets with me and he was eating them too. It was a good night. They're so good. They're really good. They taste like chicken. They're like they taste like a piece of

cracker or bread that you dipped into chicken noodle soup. Yeah. It's like you dried chicken noodle soup and made it a seasoning and put it on crackers. Maybe it is. That does sound pretty good. It's very good. You can have chicken. It's good for you.

But this is so salty and so savory. It's like doubly as savory as the common cracker. It's a little like ramen noodles seasoning, like that really salty chickeny flavor. It's pretty good. What do you think about the dill pickle lays? I'm looking at those on here. I'm a huge fan. I love the dill pickle lays i'm looking at those on here i i i'm a huge fan i love the

dill pickle lays i think they're underrated there are times where i've gone to to friends houses to like watch a blues game or a sports game and they say like bring some chips and so like my idea of that is i always buy i bring like a big thing of the original lays because those are always a big hit everybody likes those but i also get the ones. And some people just don't like the pickle ones. It's a love hate thing. Like I love the pickle ones. A lot of people don't, but those same people hate pickles. What about ketchup?

Only weird ketchup chips don't care for it. I don't, I don't feel like it tastes like ketchup at all. It just doesn't like ketchup is not a salty flavor. Dill pickle, very salty flavor and so it mashes well with a chip i i can't have too many of them but the vinegar the salt and vinegar chips yeah those are top tier yeah now if you buy for example a large bag to keep you awake while taking a long drive, you can regret it. Yeah, by the end of one of those, you take a drink of water afterward and

then you realize how raw the top of your tongue is because it burns a little bit in the little areas where you chew, getting roughed up by the salt. The tip of my tongue does that all the time with goldfish. Because I take the goldfish and then I put it in my mouth, and I lick the salt off, and then I crack it in half,

and then I chew one half on each side of my mouth. This is good. You take your time. That way you don't eat too many. No, you wouldn't believe how fast I am. You'd be blown away at my – You'd be like watching Henry Ford unveil the fucking factory. Fritos do that. Fritos have like a terrible shape. Henry Ford unveiled the fucking factory making art.

Fritos do that. Fritos have a terrible shape. They even make those Fritos that are like a curly Q. You throw a handful of those in your mouth, you might bite one that's straight up and down like how they stop a giant snake in a movie. Those are just chili cheese.

Fritos are good. Fritos are a lot of food they're probably a lot of calories i don't know the nutritional information but um i feel like i could have a bag of potato chips and this is like a little snack machine bag and by the end of it i haven't had really any notable food it was just a bunch of air and a half empty bag and it kind of sucks. Fritos, on the other hand, you have some of those and you fill up. Fritos are a solid amount of food.

They are definitely more solid than Lay's because Lay's just come apart in your mouth almost because there's so much oil in there. Fritos... Lay's are fronting over the amount of food you're actually getting. If you were to

take lays and try to compress them you'd have a little like a like a brick breaker worth of food like a very little but fritos if you compress those you'd have a you'd see what i'm talking about i haven't eaten fritos as just like a snack chip before. I always think of Fritos as like what you put in chili and stuff. Oh, well. Or maybe that's different. Do you ever just eat Fritos as a snack chip? If I'm buying Fritos, it is because I'm doing some sort of like

Frito and chili type pairing. Honestly, I would never buy them otherwise because they just taste like corn and salt to me. Here's the scenario. You're staying in a hotel. You're actually hungry and there isn't like food available or anything. You have to go to the vending machine. That's all you have.

There's a bunch of different kinds of potato chips, but you know that's fake volume. Those are nearly empty bags filled with the food that is basically air. Then you get there's the Fritos and that's actual. You won't be hungry at the end. Fair. I mean, in that situation, I then you get there's the fritos and that's actual you won't be hungry at the end fair i mean in that situation i think you're right fritos are definitely heartier than lays probably because frito has corn in it which is a heartier food than than lice but i don't know i i just have never wanted a frito i I've craved chili cheese ones, though. I don't even want those.

And you know what? You know why I don't? Because I remember taking road trips with my younger brother, and my younger brother loves chili. And so he would buy these chili cheese Fritos, and his breath would fill up the entire fucking car, and it would smell rancid after chili cheese Fritos. And I don't like chili because I don't like beans. I remember what the reason I know this is. I was talking about this with my wife like a few months ago that I realized why I don't like beans really is she was like, why did you ever have an experience? And I was like, well, I mean, there was that one time at dinner when I was a kid with with chili but i don't know she's like well tell me about that i was like well yeah i

was a young kid at dinner and my my my parent my mom made chili and i didn't like chili i didn't like hate it the way i do now like i didn't like it and it wasn't my favorite and so i sat down and i started to eat some and then i felt like I was going to throw up. Like I just randomly felt like, you know, fucking seven year olds are just randomly like, oh, I'm feeling like I'm going to vomit. And I was like, I feel like I'm going to throw up. And I was sitting there in front of my fucking chili. Everybody else at the table is gone because my dad has already made the decree that I cannot get up until the chili is finished. And I would not eat it because i

felt so bad and i remember sitting there and i like took another bite of this getting cold chili very probably cold by now and then i just vomited what the chili i'd eaten like back into the bowl and was like so afraid of my dad being upset with me that i was like more willing to take my chances with the the fucking vomit in my my bowl than i was like him getting mad at me and i remember like thinking about eating that and being like i just i went to bed without dinner i i went to bed without dinner because he was like you're gonna eat that until like you're gonna finish your dinner i threw up and he's like you're gonna finish and i was like i'm going i'll go to bed without dinner i'm sorry i'm so sorry you know i'm sure there's plenty of times when like my dad like freaked out and he shouldn't

have but it was never at dinner between you spilling the milk and this one having to eat his chili y'all had some traumatic dinner experiences. I've had, look, I've been yelled at and scolded and dad's had to apologize to me before, but not at dinner. God damn, boys. I've been spooked at many times.

Not quite like Woody. Woody's dealt with some very real shit. I'm sorry to both of you. I'm fine. Look at how well adjusted I am. Every time...

He still finishes his meals to this day. Every time he finishes his bowl of chili, he vomits now. I can't eat chili. I have trouble eating beans like that texture makes me want to vomit now and it's not because of the taste it's not because of any of that i just i really have an aversion to that dad no he ruined chili for you uh no because there have been times where like this is funny like i there have been times where like, this is funny. Like I, there have been, like I was coming back from, I think it was a time I, I, when I,

in 2015 when I moved back from Idaho and he like was like, Oh, we're all having dinner at my house tonight. And it's like, Oh, okay, great. And he's like, we're having chili. And it was like, and then immediately like my, my I get a little anxious because I remember that experience and I did not, I don't want to repeat that. And so so i will if there is chili being served i will eat nothing which is a which you may underestimate as a feat for me to truly eat nothing we had like a viral video where i didn't like jackie's chili and people assume i hate chili like i'll go to like parties and stuff and they're like there's chili here Woody I dare you I like

most chili you don't understand how bad the chili is my wife she can't cook she fucked up the chili it's just beans and spices and ground beef what'd she do to be fair the only thing that I've ever had that Jackie cooked was that breakfast

casserole and it was fucking amazing that's good stuff yeah that's her fucking that breakfast casserole. And it was amazing. That's her fucking a game. Clearly. Chili. But chili, I've always found to be like one of the easier things to make. It's one of those recipes where it's like, what do you like in your chili? Oh, you know, whatever.

No, no, no. Seriously. You like corn? Because we throw that right in there. It makes no difference. It'll be corn. It'll be corn chili. Now you like jalapenos?

Cilantro? Sour cream? Cocoa powder? I put cocoa powder in mine. She likes her own chili. It's hitting her personal bullseye. It's just not mine. Shit. Yeah. I make mine over the course of like eight hours. And it's... Good gosh. It's a full-time

job to make chili around Kyle's house. Well, it's mostly slow cooking by itself. It's slow cooking'm gosh, it's a full time job to make chili around Kyle's house. Well, it's mostly slow cooking by its slow cooking by itself. Yeah, for the most part, I worked with computers. I was sitting over this hot instant pot for six hours. Caramelizing onions can be kind of like that. Like if you're like legitimately caramelizing onions appropriately, then you're stirring onions for like half an hour kind of like that. If you're legitimately caramelizing onions appropriately, then you're stirring onions for half an hour or something like that.

You can't stop. Not for more than a minute without fucking something up. Anyway, that's probably a wrap, right? I enjoyed our guest. I'm glad we got Sean back on again. He's just a tremendous storyteller. I really enjoyed him him he used a technique i'm

familiar with called leading with the end have you ever heard this yes yeah in sales yeah okay i've only heard of it more recently but like let's say i had a story to tell and it takes a lot of like background information to get there if i lead with all right when i was young i had a honda civic honda civic transmissions are well known for being loose and and the the when you use the stick shift a lot then the top of it wears thin right i'm boring the fuck out of you if i lead with let me tell you how i became a dildo mogul right and then i go into the honda civic and the stick shift and the yeah yeah you'll listen to anything to get there right and you'll be like all right this is all right well how does this get the how does this fold into the tilt yeah yeah right you lead with the end capture the listener

and then they're willing to hear about how you got there and uh he did that a couple of times and it's like i see what's happening i'm I'm hooked. Tell me more. I want to know. He is tremendously good at what he does. So check out his link below, everyone. Yeah, for sure. And I'm glad we all made it here on time. I'm glad we all mostly made it here on time.

Pat yourself. Yeah. Yeah. We can all more or less pat ourselves on the back for that one I was late for TKN so I have no room I live in a glass house over here

and I refuse to apologize fire jizz pills check out Mr. Atkins you know what just the pre-come alone is a good party guys come like a man, you bitch. Alright, that's a wrap.