Painkiller Already - PKA 582: Woody’s Christmas present, NFT Scams, Lawyer Letters

Episode Date: February 12, 2022

pka 582 with our guest didn't show taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lock and load and blue chew two of the finest dick pills on the market i would go so far as to say the two top dick pills on the market combine them and see how far you can you can uh go in this great world so no guests tonight uh unfortunately but that's okay we can we can always talk about dumber shit when there's no guest because there's never a time where it's like oh also tell me about that journalism you do before we go back to talking about like retarded cowboys or something yeah it's true we get really stupid we don't pretend we like things speaking of really stupid things taylor i was taking a shit this morning,

and I got my phone out as I do, and I flipped from left to right, which brings up some sort of Android news or something like that. It showed me six images from Amazon's Lord of the Rings long-awaited TV show. And as I was scrolling through them i noticed a few things it was yeah hey zach can you find these images for the viewers while kyle talks oh wondrous and uh as i flipped through them here's what i took from it um i the dwarf looked really good the dwarf the redheaded like gnarled nose dwarf yes that was perfect. I was like, aha, they'll make that Gimli's aunt, uncle, cousin, or nephew or something. Cool. I'm fine with that.

I can stomach it. And then the next one, there was a big fat black elf. I hadn't seen one of those before, but now there's a big fat black elf. I don't remember that photo. Yeah, having a big fat black woman in your in your show is very hot right now all my favorite shows have them if you guys want to check out um peacemaker over on uh on uh hbo great big fat black woman in that show too i my favorite shows have them too if you want to check out the ghostbusters reboot oh it's better than the original i think oh there's no oh there's that black elf no that

that's not an elf look at the runes look she's underground that's a dwarf oh that's right that's that's what they're except there is no beard on that dwarf which is not canon that's the first that's the first black dwarf we've ever seen and it's the only lady dwarf without a beard we've ever seen. And look how fat her hands are. Healthy at any size, my ass. Look at her fingers. Look at those sausage fingers. That dwarf over there to the left thinks they are sausages, and he's hungry.

And then we've got, I think that's the exact same guy from The Witcher over there that is like the war warlock or whatever right now the elves the they it looks like the same character they switch to the ears up in a stupid generic way those aren't what the ears looked like in how are they different movies they're they're longer more exaggerated and uh zach can you sculpt those pictures again real quick see taylor just doesn't know lord of the rings very well he's a vulcan oh he's a vulcan he looks a lot like a vulcan then like if you told me that was tuvok's like great great grand ancestor i'd be down to watch that show because that makes sense black

vulcans make sense to me yeah black elves don't i just want to make that clear the issue isn't that the fantasy character is black. It's that there aren't any black elves and there are black Vulcans. There are no Vulcans or elves. They are all made up. True. Or are there? There could be.

They could all be based on something. You caught a fucking mole. Sorry. So why are you using these pictures? It's not these ones in the lineup. there's other ones we'll go through there's a lot more show me the frat boy with the short hair yeah keep going down because and like if you if you all right if you look at lord of the rings like you re-watch the old lord of the rings it's very gritty it's very dirty you know people's outfits it's not perfect hems.

It's like exactly the kind of looking shit you would expect from a fantasy world based on medieval Europe. You're not getting like perfect hems and tight, you know, magnificent outfits unless you're the elves or something. But the men that are living in the woods are the dwarves and going through the mines. Like, it's gritty. It's earthy. It's real. There's a passion for it. and going through the minds like it's gritty it's earthy it's real there's a passion for it and all of these pictures are so sterile and so generic fantasy and so overproduced it's going

to be all green screen like another i saw someone talking online today complaining about it being like a reason that lord of the rings the initial series was so fucking good is is there were there were so many people who were passionate about it. Like millions, well, not millions of people, but the actors themselves were passionate about it. Viggo Mortensen convinced them all to sleep in tents so they would feel

closer to their environment. They're rugged. They're fucking feeling shitty. He carried his sword around the whole time. Christopher Lee, who played Saruman, read the book, Lord of the Rings, every for like 60 years and peter jackson would sit there and have 10 hour conversations about it before filming started like and what do you think about this and christopher would be like well i i knew you know him and i knew what he wanted and that's not what it would be it would be like this oh that's great that's great and so it was just it's a huge

passion project and it was great and this just this feels generic it feels clean first of all i just want to say like this picture looks awesome like first of all she's beautiful her character looks amazing like the armor looks great the sword looks great everything about this looks cool i just don't think it looks like it doesn't look like lord of the rings it looks like the witcher or any other generic fantasy show yeah like i think. I want this chick to be in The Witcher. She looks awesome.

Because she should be in some tattered clothing. Armor like this is hard to come by. I got no problem with that. She's probably the fucking queen of Gondor or some nonsense. I see that thing on the center of her chest. That reminds me of that Evanstar thing or something. I don't know. I see that thing on the center of her chest. That reminds me of that Evan Star thing or something.

I don't know what that is. I don't think that everybody should be dirty either. They wash up every now and then. Her armor is fucking sick though. Look at the elbows. That does look pretty close to the Gondorian armor some of the designs do so this is not actually the gallery i saw i saw those three on top i'm trying to find the one and find out if they're in nudes i'm changing my mind completely i'm doing a full back backsp on this thing. She's really hot. Is she hot?

I think so. I find her attractive. She looks nice. Under the armor, she's got a lot of hair. Oh, yeah? Very hairy. Puzzy, you would say. I just find her regular Hollywood pretty.

Like all the others. Damn, I wish I could find the other photos from the show that were like even more witchery and just I don't know you can tell it's going to be so fucking expensive and I doubt it's going to feel real the way Lord of the Rings did

that's definitely some prior bias talking but also like it's going to be green screen shit it's going to be an Amazon show that's pumped out it's going to lose money it's's going to be green screen shit. It's going to be an Amazon show that's pumped out. It's going to lose money. It's not going to be popular. I'm just annoyed by the black dwarf queen with no beard, if I'm being honest. But I'm going to watch the show and I hope it's good.

Dwarf females are supposed to have beards. That's a thing. Why couldn't they do that? A million billion dollars, you can throw beards in. I really don't mind mind are you sure that's her name uh zach so apparently there's no nudes of of the the blonde princess i can i interrupt i searched for markella kevinoff nudes nothing comes up so i'm like all right just markella cave nah whatever her name is she's like 11 in all these pictures is she how old is this girl

who did you google for nudes i copied and pasted his word there you googled the wrong person you googled the wrong person yes yeah just to be clear there are no nudes of this girl who is how old is she uh this this woman is clearly of age. Well, there's no date of birth on her Wikipedia. So she could be anything. She's definitely of age, though. She looks like 20s.

She's 20 to 25. Now, if you Bing her, she's like 11. Well, don't Bing her, you fuck. Jesus. You think I'm here for her fucking wikipedia page i'm big bitches kyle rookie don't give me that look like you don't know whether if you want to see the nudes of a person it's big it's not redemption redemption taught us that you did yeah he was right actually was

he the one who told you guys that that's yeah and he was right. Bing used to have the more... It's a little out of date now. He was right. But now, jokes aside, Google finds nudes too. I think Bing is less discriminating. Bing will find you some crazy shit. Yeah.

Bing will index motherless or whatever. That's what I want. I'm switching to Bing if it's going to index the more fun sites. Yeah, I think it will. I never – like WorldStar is – I think it's just WorldStar now, not even WorldStarHipHop.com. I would only see videos from WorldStar hosted on other sites. It would be like a WorldStar fight on Twitter or some shit. So I went to world like i was just wanting to watch street fight videos the other day

randomly and so i was like trying to find like fun sites to watch them and world star is one and then i saw like some comments on a world star video that like some guys talking about like fights and they're like you got to go to chaotic chaotic is where it gets real okay chaotic with a k and it's it is like i go to world star and i'm like okay that one oh guy gets curb stomp that's too intense that's scary they'll give me nightmares oh a bully gets what's coming to him that's what i like i like that one and then it's like, oh, I hope like he like raped your sister or something because he's and then like you go to chaotic.com and like the featured video is like mass murder in Nepal, like from from gunman's perspective or like stabbing in London.

Guy tries to escape, but he and his girlfriend don't make it. And it's like those are and I'm trying to find like a bully beat down. And I realize I've come too far. And there's nothing like that on this site. Every single video is gruesome, brutal, killing, murder or maiming or harming. Like the kind of shit that you see on Worldstar, like the chaotic fan base would be like, what is this bitch-made nonsense? Like, wow, that guy's... There's still a shape to his skull.

It's got some rigidity. I don't mean to change that. Do you know the TV show Euphoria? Are you guys familiar with this? I've been told that it's children having sex, so I haven't really watched it much. Well, you're missing out. I mean, they're almost of age.

So yeah, Euphoria. Turns out it happens in California. And if you're 17 in California, that's like child porn. So I guess it's that technically. I'm sure these are adult actors. Don't get it twisted, I think. But a couple things that

one a lot happens so much happens every episode is a season's worth of plot line in any other normal show and even for me who fusses when like you watch 60 minutes of a show and nothing's been advanced it's like this is like, this is a lot. This is a lot. These guys, he pines for her. They get together. Then they break up. That is like two years of New Girl. And it's 15 minutes of euphoria.

It can be too much. But you jog my memory. There was a fight scene. This dude's mad at that dude. He decides to fight him. He wins outrageously like it it starts with hitting him with the bottle and then he grounds and pounds the guy and then he keeps going and then he keeps going and then they break up the fight and he gets mount again and keeps going i'm like is this permanent irrecoverable irreversible damage he's got this isn't like

any high school fight i've ever seen he beats the dickens out of this guy and i i don't know euphoria it has my attention but somehow like the non-stop adrenaline rush of it by the beginning of season two i'm already a little numb to all the things. At first, it's like, oh my God, she did that? She OD'd? She did, this person got with that guy or whatever? That woman's not a, wasn't always a woman? You know, and these shocks happen. Then after a while, nothing shocking.

It's a good show, though. What's the age this is aimed at? Because you said it's like yeah it is clearly the adultest of shows do you guys have trouble like getting in to shows with like the protagonist

being like a teenager or something unless it's a fantasy world like Harry Potter or Frodo or something and there's some magicry that immediately puts them on the same unless it's a fantasy world like harry potter or frodo or something and there's some magicry that immediately puts them on the same level it's like i don't really i don't really empathize with this character that much like oh he's a stupid 16 year old yeah i was a retarded 16 year old too but then i don't want to relive it this show is hooking me a little better than most but sometimes what happens is like the alright there's an apocalypse and now

all the adults are dead and this crafty band of teenagers is going to try and survive and it's like I have no faith it would go down like this there's a show now where all the men have died I watched a little of that it's on Amazon

every show every show like that there's a show called The Last every show like that like there was a show called like the last man on earth right yeah that was a comedy meeting people yeah yeah no i think i think that's probably the situation with um the show where it's all women there's definitely going to be a couple men i would think so otherwise the population will dwindle in not long there is absolutely a theme now that i'm thinking about like scrolling through netflix series of foreign tv shows being about like only two percent of people can join the elite after their test or only one in a hundred go to the island to survive and

it's like it's all like very gamified and i and i like the idea of that like it's kind of fun there was there was a horrible horrible show that i started on netflix on my tablet when i was driving to a mayo clinic for my wife most recently and like i was watching all of it and just just something to occupy my mind and because my i wasn't getting good enough connection in the car to play magic it's a real reason and it's called three percent and it's in spanish i think and and i and it's a really reason. And it's called 3%. And it's in Spanish, I think. And it's a really, it's very poorly dubbed. And it doesn't look like it's acted well in Spanish either. The facial expressions aren't really there.

And it's the whole thing is like, oh, everybody in this little like mini world lives in this shitty hole. It's literally a crater. And they all live in this horrible hole. And it's like they got tatters and all a bunch of shit and when they turn 20 they go and take a test at like this really nice facility and everybody who passes which is only like three percent of them get to go live in paradise don't know where woody went i'm sure he'll be back but they get to go live in like this really nice paradise with everybody else from previous years who passed the test and it it started off like kind of neat like oh i wonder what the test is going to be and then it's like puzzles and and like half of the tests

weren't even like saw tests like fight with a bat or figure something out or you know they were literally like how many cubes can you make in three minutes and then it's like intense music podcasts, like fight with a bat or figure something out. Or, you know, they were literally like, how many cubes can you make in three minutes? And then it's like intense music of watching like 20 year old people's hands fail to like do a Rubik's cube. And it is it. They can't keep a plot going. The first thing is they need to destroy all the rich. There's a terrorist group. And then they decide, no, they don't like that. They want to actually be the rich people, because once the terrorists infiltrate the rich people they're like eating shrimp like this is fucking gangbusters i love this i don't i'm not reporting back and it is it's it's one of the

worst shows i've ever seen in my life i i got an entire season in oh no i got a season and a half in uh the most popular character that i liked at the end of season one he got a better acting gig and so he disappeared he died in the off season we're like the one the black guy in the wheelchair The most popular character that I liked at the end of season one, he got a better acting gig. And so he disappeared. He died in the offseason. We're like the one the black guy in the wheelchair, the one character that I liked, like the next season started. And it's like, oh, that's so terrible. What happened to Rodrigo when he fought the guards off and we escaped? And it's like he's in a wheelchair like we know that doesn't even make sense in your world that he fought off

the guards and died and long enough for you to survive like just just a terrible show couldn't recommend less but it is in that pot of netflix shows where they are just throwing shit at the wall to try and give the illusion of a content catalog when 80 of it is garbage some of those japanese and korean horror movies are good though. Gotta give the good credit. No, I don't like those. I like them. They're spooky. They're spookier than our horror movies.

Is Netflix actually worse? What's better? Is Amazon better? No. All those shows on Amazon are shit tier two. Try watching a random HBO show. Does HBO have some winners? Yes.

Yes, it does. Does HBO also produce Room 108 or whatever the fuck that thing was? That was awful. That was hard. I watched all of those. I don't know what that is. Good for you, Kyle. Good for you. If you had endured

what I did, you would still have the scars of being emotionally poorer for having sat through these things that you hope would go somewhere and never did. I gave you both an amazing suggestion last week for something to watch. You gave me one. I went and watched

every episode of Ozark. Did you watch any Peacemaker? Yes, I'm caught up. Oh, no. I haven't seen the most recent episode, the one that came out midnight last night or like you know oh well then i'm not caught up i thought yeah neither of yeah i'm not caught up with that one all right what do you think of peacemaker i like peacemaker a lot i didn't know what it was

going to be and and oh by the way kyle to your credit kyle has told us about peace funicure he sells it right and kyle has a special knack for this. And for example, he's telling you about the character. You sort of want to know who he is and the nature of the show. He says he's looking at his x-ray and he says, man, can you like increase the contrast? I look like a guy that only focuses on bulk. And I spend a lot of time on my smaller muscle groups. That happens like six minutes. Kyle gave no spoilers yet pulled me into the show um and then

i don't i was just watching i was like man like this is the thing kyle said this is the thing kyle i've hit all kyle's notes and i'm only 12 minutes in this show so far like it really well done uh peacemaker is a blast they hit genuine comedy i'm genuinely intrigued as to where it's going um i'm thinking before i talk they unveil who the um intact what's the opposite of protagonist antagonist yeah they unveil who the antagonist is slowly you know the little clues drop and I'm sucked into, uh, you know, what this is going to be and who they are and, and what we're going to learn about this, uh, the, this enemy. And, um, um, yeah, I did that. Well, I didn't spoil shit right there. So, uh, so what

I'm saying is I'm genuinely pulled into the core plot line. I also enjoy the silliness that sits on top of it, the writing style and the character and this and that. And if you like seeing naked women, there's good sex here and there. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with all of that. Everyone that has reported back to me has agreed. They also liked it. It's that James Gunn style of humor with an R rating. And it turns out that's pretty good, even if you don't give a fuck about the characters. So anybody who's turned off by the superhero shit,

you don't need to watch anything else. You can just watch this. Because this is a standalone thing where superheroes are less important to the plot than anything you can imagine like they're like openly mocking aquaman and batman yeah there's a there's a part where like so like peacemaker is this like c-tier superhero at best most people consider him a c-tier super villain or maybe something in between they're like aren't you that racist super villain it's like no no i he's got like he's he's always concerned about his pr like he just got out of prison you know for for god knows what and uh he's so he's kind of bad bad

mouthing like the real superheroes they'll be like do you have a coterie of of uh of super villains like no i don't have one batman does you know he's got like the joker and the riddler and this guy and that guy he's like let me tell you about batman he's just a weak little punk okay and if he had the balls to kill some of those fucks they wouldn't be getting out and murdering people all the time you ever think about that and aquaman let me tell you a guy at the aquarium told me he slipped some 50 bucks to come in there and fuck the fish he made a good point about batman he i was i was giving you time he's like how many people how many people do you think that batman is indirectly killed by not killing the joker and not killing the riddler whatever yeah thousands of people are dead because he doesn't have the

balls and i'm like that's that's so true like yeah man batman's a pussy he really is a pussy he's afraid of bats first of all because of what one would one did a low flyby at one point is that is that the story all right is that the lore about mocking my favorite i don't know anything about batman i'm going off about him he's a pussy he's a bitch he never kills his foes he can't solve riddles fast enough to like who are his big guys i'm not even sure he's a pussy he's a bitch he never kills his foes he can't solve riddles fast enough to like who are his big guys i'm not even sure he's afraid of bats no that's why that's his thing he's like i named myself after what i'm afraid of bats and now they can share in my fear his own fear and he weaponized it against those who he's feared as they're as they're tacked against the weak.

I'm going to be leukemia, man. I'm terrified of blood cancers. I'm going to be chilly, man. Oh, no. Yeah. Peacemaker is great. He's got like a cool sidekick who's basically Jeffrey Dahmer. great um he's got like a cool sidekick who's basically jeffrey dahmer um he's got um a big fat black woman friend who's really funny and great love her character um she's even a lesbian too

so she's checking like so many boxes it's woke as fuck and uh there's this character called the judo master who's like this tiny little asian man in like a green suit and he's just like he's just like you know he is what imagine the judo master yet you got it he's going yeah and like like like beating people up and is he a hero or is he just very good very good at judo it doesn't matter if he's a hero or villain it really doesn't matter what anyone is they're just people um dressed sillily and uh and they're fighting it out to the death. Mostly. I'm curious, Kyle, because I know you know more about Batman than me.

Barely. What is the rationale for him to not kill the Joker? And because my understanding is like he's kind of takes a a pussy way out where he's like i'm no better than the joker if i kill him and it's like he's trying to terrorist bomb two you know transport boats right now you're definitely better than him yeah yeah he just has a code of honor there right he's got like a that he doesn't break and um i'm not sure it's almost like they have to keep the code of honor intact for batman because it seems like he's so much more powerful than his foes on like a toe-to-toe basis like batman versus the joker toe-to-toe does the joker is the joker gonna catch him with that

knife in the boot really like no and he's got no armor on he's wearing like a fucking goodwill suit he's gonna get his ass handed to him the riddler he just kind of like has you but but but their advantage is is is that they're so much more devious and evil than him because you just talked about the thing about batman he is he doesn't kill and the thing about his villains is they love killing they like killing the people that batman loves you got to kill people who love killing you know the joker kidnapped commissioner gordon's was it his niece i think and like raped her and then shot her in the spine and crippled her and then took pictures of her and stuff i don't know if he raped her maybe i added that some of that happened though like he's got some truly evil villains that

happened in the chris nolan movie yeah That he shot a woman in the spine and paralyzed her and he raped her? Yeah. Damn, that movie was dark. It's called The Dark Knight for a reason. It's not rape if she can't feel it, Batman. Oh, no. You're a fucking disgusting animal.

I'm going to kill you. That's what he should do. That's what he should do. That's what he should do. But then he's going to go there and the Joker is going to throw three of those dollar store smoke bombs and then run away. They should do that storyline where Superman kills the Joker. Yeah, that would be a way better one. And then he can they should start a new Batman storyline because I know they all go concurrent. Like there's a million threads and stuff.

Yeah, they could do one where it's like Batman. Like hardcore. He doesn't take prisoners. If it's like a corner store robbery and he's got time, he's not going to kill them. But like the hardcore guys. And then he starts running through the list. The Penguin. Dead. Lex Luthor. No, that's Superman. Dr. Freeze.

Fuck. Joker. Riddler. What are other ones? The Crocodile Guy. just run through them clay face clay another classic two-face two-face the least threatening guy ever he's like just waiting to get septic penguin and then die the least threatening the penguin has that umbrella and that's like it right like i've never understood well no he has money right isn't he super rich he wears a tuxedo so it checks out yeah i mean because i think that's just yeah okay to look like a penguin i mean that's just the penguin thing does and he doesn't have powers no he quacks penguins don't even quack yeah but he does he sort of is a sort of thing danny devito yeah yeah is it dr freeze

mr freeze i think is it is it victor von freeze dr victor von freeze i think this is arnold schwarzenegger's character yeah not only his character that he portrayed but it's a long time batman villain yeah that i remember being young enough and i watched that he's one of the ones dr freeze is is one of the ones who's like totally relatable like like he's not a bad guy his wife i think was like dying of some illness that he couldn't cure so he froze her and i think he cured the disease but now he can't unfreeze her without her dying and he's like i think his whole thing is he's trying to find a way to thaw his wife out so he's like stealing a diamond for his research it's not even that bad you know like yeah he's actually a hero like like

batman needs to be like yo i i can can fund this. Let's work together. The guy's making space lasers. Batman could totally use an ice laser. I want that comic. Taylor, you would like the one called The Batman Who Laughs, I think. And it's this multiverse concept with a bunch of evil Batman and different kinds of Batman. And they're pretty hardcore.

That's a good one. The Batman who laughs. Yeah. Bruce Wayne and Earth negative 2020. This is so stupid, man. Yeah, I know. So it's just an inverse reality where now the Penguin's a cool guy and the Riddler is like teaching kids to read with fun games.

Dude, I've invested myself into so many fake realities. I can't even tell you anymore. That sounds good enough. Yeah. Yeah. I like the way I'm imagining it. That's better. Oh, I wanted to, we were talking about it on PKN.

I want to talk about Ozark. I want to get Kyle's take. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. I thought it was tremendous. All right, should we do spoilers or non-spoilers? I'm only a few episodes in, but I'm... Okay, well, then we can do a few episodes and non-spoilers i'm only a few episodes in but i'm ah okay well then we can do like a few episodes and non-sport is basically just like set up like how the this

season begins um you know and how that relates to how last uh season ended um and we'll talk about like how it's a seven episode thing here and then we're getting the other seven episodes but we won't give like major spoilers and and plot points and stuff like that how about that okay okay and and for the audience's sake you should really get into ozark if you never have it is like we talk about you know we like tv here we're three guys who have a lot of spare time on our hands so we're into tv i get it but ozark is legit one of those top tier like gold star you know really is the acting the plot like it hits it out of the park like like it's it's in the it's in my top five all-time tv shows and we're three seasons in or something like that it's incredible i love it i think it's as good as breaking bad maybe better

i think it's better than breaking bad i i i do it's getting there this new seat and maybe it's like uh recency bias but yeah i'm enjoying it just as much so you said recency bias i'm at i'm scanning myself for like nostalgia bias yeah you know it was breaking bad really that good if you re-watch it will you be upset at fucking cinematography masturbation where they just fucking film a handle on a car for 13 minutes why i prefer you're watching you're watching the goddamn show through the reflection of a chrome door handle i like that stuff so so i really like that and that's one of the things i appreciate about it appreciate about breaking bad i do like cinematography and how it's it's more it's like how the food is presented uh versus how the food tastes sometimes um some people don't

give a fuck it's like mush it all together in a bowl let's go but but i don't know sometimes it's nice if it's presented in a kind of a fanciful way i think that the parts of breaking bad that are the best thing since sliced bread are when walt is getting hardcore when walt says your god what's my name heisenberg you're goddamn right yeah or when he tells you think someone knocks and they and they answer they get shot and that's me that's what you think of me? I am the one who knocks. It's like, fuck. What am I watching? Or when he runs those fucking guys over and kills them in the fucking street.

And he looks up at Jesse and he just goes, run. Like those moments. Or when Gustav, framed, comes down there and doesn't say a fucking word while Walt is basically begging for his life, takes his suit off slowly, puts on the fucking lab coat and slits the other guy's fucking throat while they watch and never says a word. Like, you can't beat moments like that. That's where that show like kills it and blows shit away. But Ozark does something that that show never could. Ozark does something that that show never could. They have that criminal mastermind thing where a family's involved with cartel money laundering,

very similar to what Walt was doing, also involved with cartel drug business and money laundering. Very similar premises. And in both situations, your main character, if you want to make Jason Bateman the main character of Ozark, which is being generous because there are a lot of good people in there. They're both experts in their field who are required to make the drug business money cartel thing work, and they're both geniuses. The problem with Breaking Bad is I can't fucking stand that crippled-ass son. I wish they'd aborted that baby and that wife, that chunky faced wife.

I wish that the cartel had tortured her, like fucking cut her. Okay, I'm on board with Skylar. Skylar was one of the most annoying characters in TV history because Walt was just being cool as can be. And she would be just raining on parades left and right. The sun was such a minor part of the show for me. All right, well, then that's a personal thing for me where I just hate that crippled fuck. I did hate when he wrecked that beautiful Pontiac Aztec

in that open parking lot, scratched his dad's car. I remember seeing some article where they're like, we wanted to give Walt a car that says loser. And so they picked Pontiac Aztec. I always thought that was a cool car when it came out. It looked fun. We're not talking about Pontiac. Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're talking about Jason Bateman's family is all fucking down. Not only are they down, but they're good at it. His 17-year-old daughter is great. Already master manipulator, well-spoken, beautiful, charming, well-dressed, well-spoken, all of-dressed well-spoken like all of the above she's already like a little miniature of her mother ready to be plugged in to any societal like junction any like position of like quasi power oh i run this foundation that's over these and yeah of course we influence the southern trade district or whatever the fuck it's always something some strings are being pulled like she's already uh like ready to be plugged in to that

position of power the son is some kind of a servant and he's just so smart that i don't know what to do with him he's a millionaire already a servant in the show yeah for a second i thought you did i'm sorry that's a minor spoiler but I think the joke will still hit the same. He's some kind of servant, I think. He's some kind of servant. I think he's one of them servants. Something like that. And his wife.

I love Wendy. Wendy, Ruth. Ruth is the little blonde girl. Wendy, Ruth, and Jason Bateman blonde girl, uh, Wendy, Ruth and Jason Bateman's character, Marty, I think they compete for, for, for my like favorite,

um, you know, we cut between a lot of characters and I remember when, when game of Thrones was on John snow time was pay attention time. Um, there were some times it was, it was like, Oh,

this it's, it's the hound. Okay. I like this, but I don't really need to pay. some times it was like, oh, it's the Hound. Okay, I like this, but I don't really need to pay too much. Or it'd be like, oh, it's a Sansa scene. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Can skip that one. Can skip that one almost.

But when it's Marty or when it's Ruth or when it's Wendy, I'm paying fucking attention. For sure. I'm entranced almost. They're so good. And their scenes are always so good. You can't tell which one is better at what they do

they're all just so good at what they do they're little and i like the way that ruth have you gotten to the part woody where wendy sits down with her father at a diner i don't think so okay well i don't want to like fuck this up for anybody who did watch it or anybody's going to watch it when wendy sits down in a diner to speak to her father listen to her accent her character's accent throughout the whole scene and and and see if you can catch what's happening because that's some of the best acting i've ever seen i thought you're to complain about the accent. Her father is a more rural guy, and he's telling her, well, I talked to the church, and they said I should come on in here and see about things. She's like, oh, well, if the church all got together, and they said that it was okay for you to go see about your dead son,

well, then I'm glad that you checked with them first. That's her thing. That's her cadence. That's her delivery. Right. And she's got this very eloquent way of speaking, and she's nailing all of her. But after a while, she starts talking to her dad,

and she's had just about enough of him, and she falls back into her real accent, the one that she grew up with the one that she left behind to go to chicago and to become the person she is now it's it's not even mentioned nobody brings it up it's just it happens and then it goes back she goes from her chicago accent the one she has 99.99 of the show to her southern accent and then back up into a real accent and And it's never spoken of. No one notices it,

but I do. I noticed that too, because I pay attention to how characters speak. And she did a really good job of that. Like the, you're exactly right. The I'm so exasperated. I just can't,

you know, put on an air or keep the walls up. Like I'm aggravated. She, for me, like Wendy is, is like a Ramsey or a joffrey character where like every time she's on screen i'm locked in but good god she might be morally as despicable as the cartel

guy i disagree like she is she makes some some rough decisions i disagree i i i like all of her decisions i agree with them um 100 one of the things that i don't like is i feel that way about marty i feel like marty's got it all under control and everybody else is fucking it up yes wendy has this thing where i can't tell sometimes whether she is actually here's what's happening wendy can't tell anymore when she's lying and when she's not wendy has telling the same lot wendy is telling so many lies that she is starting to believe some of her own lies and she's snapping in and out of that and it's not surprising to her.

She's just like, oh yeah, yeah. Okay, that's the reality that we're in right now. Okay, let me shift realities real quick over to the one that fits this current moment. She shifts realities and characters so much and I love that about her. I dig that about her character but she does like there are times where she because she's obviously more emotionally driven than marty is

where she'll like lash out at a partner i'm not gonna say anything specific but she will do things in anger that then give like marty a huge workload of like trying to undo or a deal that doesn't pan out because she was i don't think it's anger i think it's all calculated i think she is actively and those are some bad calculations a couple times because they lost business and it took them way longer to launder the money because of what she did i think she's okay with that though like anything to like damage uh those people she doesn't like um we're talking we're talking to too many layers here, but just to be clear, like fucking amazing. The first season of Ozark is like an eight out of 10.

The second season of Ozark is like an eight and a half out of 10. And so far, this is like matching that. This is staying right on par with it. What's cool. And we've alluded to is that everyone's competent and it's interesting to have plot lines that run around competent people who are pretty good at what they do. No one's an idiot.

There is no dad from King of Queens in this show. Maybe there's some idiots. The interesting thing is there are only two types of people in this show. Geniuses and idiots. There are very few characters in between and the ones in between

are almost like the ones that if they can't be manipulated and if they're not smart enough to be manipulating, then they're not characters in this show. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the stupidest guy in the show is the dude who's just getting manipulated up and down and now is running the motel. Yes. I agree. He's a dummy. He's also, I hate that guy.

Every time he's on screen, he's boring. I know his whole job in that acting role is to be a boring schlub, a clueless idiot, but he annoys me. I don't like that. Yeah, it's a tremendous show. I really, really enjoy it. The son from the Kansas City Mob, that character, he's a bit of a dunce. He's got his own show on some other show.

It's been advertised to me a couple times. He's some kind of badass or something.'s got his own show on like some other show it's been advertised to me a couple times he's some kind of like badass or something i need to look into that because i do like that actor uh he got his dick blown off last season uh yeah shotgun for beating ruthie and this season to see like how that relationship has changed is really interesting um yeah i recommend everybody catches up uh avoid those spoilers because you know some big things happen um and this is one of those shows where no one is seemingly safe when whenever there's a few times in this season where main characters literally get like whisked away and black suvs to go meet with a cartel boss and I'm worried for them the same way

I was worried when like I don't know like in Game of Thrones when there'd be a big battle or something. I disagree with you on the everyone's safe. Who's not safe in this show? Since the beginning I can't think of a core character who's died. I was really surprised when they blew Helen's head off.

Yeah when they blew Helen's head off at the end of the third season, that really surprised me. I did not see that coming. I didn't think that... Fuck, what was Darlene's husband's name? All of the Langmores that have been killed. Yeah, a bunch of Langmores. But Darlene's husband,

I thought, like the heroin guy, I thought he was going to be like... I want to murder the wife. And Woody, again, I'm not trying to like spoil anything but but watch the rest of this season and and maybe you'll okay maybe i'll feel like someone uh someone expected to die dies perhaps sure maybe maybe you never know um good season no great season uh remains one of the best uh shows uh that i've ever seen and is currently the best show airing

on television um if you're giving it some sort of like you know real measuring like look i love peacemaker i'm gonna watch the new episode when i get off of like like here but uh ozark is killing it so good i like uh you talked about how there was like that kind of triad of battle like wendy and Marty are ostensibly they're on the same side, but there's so much sniping that like they're they're not truly holding a united front. And then Ruth and you would think like, oh, Ruth and this kind of, you know, competitive thing. She's kind of taking on Wendy and Marty and then it's just her. And you would think it just be she'd be getting trounced all the time and out thought and outsmarted. And they're just too clever like she plays that character of like street smart knows how to wheel and deal really really well like ruth just keeps going up by by my estimation

like in my life that's smart though right no i guess no she did when he first hired she was very clever yeah well she's learned a lot since then, but she was always the raw materials to work. I could be wrong about this, because it's been a year. I only watched it once, but I think there was a part where Marty was like, I'll give you $100,000 just to

forget about all this. She's like, no. I want a job. I work for you now. What? Yeah, we all do. It's like, but yeah,

she, she basically like seamlessly transitioned her low level, like crimes with her uncles and dad and into, you know, using that thuggery and manipulation in the services of someone for a much higher level crime. So I like all the moving pieces. She is someone who can get shit done because she knows all the local scumbaggery.

So if Marty really needs something, Marty is in a position where he has endless wealth at his disposal. He can call the cartel and be like, look, it costs an extra $100,000. So if Ruthie's like, all right, it'll cost you $400,000 and $100,000 for me. Wait, what'd you say? $100,000 for me. Say it.

$100,000 for you? What's Marty going to say? He needs this thing done or everyone dies. And she says, I need $100,000 more. And if you have aillion dollar deal, so hurry back. If you haven't noticed, Marty hasn't made

any friends in the Ozarks. He's not connected to any of the locals. She is his only kind of reach into the community to get stuff done. It's a cool community. They've built a nice web. Sometimes what shows will do when they're this good

is they'll start thinking about a spinoff right about now. I hope they do that because the Kansas City mob could be its own thing. I'm interested in that. I'm interested in what's going on in Mexico with the cartel.

And I think that the next seven episodes or however many there are, are the last of Ozark. So I'd be interested in a spinoff if it was by the same creators or writers or something like this. Definitely. Because this is just really fucking good stuff.

I don't know which direction I'd want the spinoff to go in more. Ruthie. I want to see Ruthie do stuff. That's what I would... I can't decide whether I like ruthie wendy or marty more when ruthie is on screen she has my fucking attention and and when she is sad i believe it when she's angry i believe it there's a scene where she gets angry in this season that you

haven't gotten to i love she's just this isn't a spoiler, but, but someone is trying to calm her down. They're like, no, you can't do any of that stuff. You just said you were going to do. She's like, if you want to stop me, you have to kill me.

And she's got a shotgun. Everybody's just like, well, we're not going to kill you. I like her just as much as you do. I do find her world where I guess she's a rich person living in poverty to be less interesting. I like someone who can buy a car, you know, someone who can. Oh, I like I like that.

Did you see her do a big business deal yet? Does this have to do with the motel? Yeah, come on. That was pretty slick. Well, where I am, we don't know if it's such a good move or not yet, where I am in this season. I don't think we ever figure out if it's a good business deal or not. That hasn't come to be revealed yet.

That's a small plot point at this point. I could have gone in there and paid too much for a building like did you see her did you see the way that she offered well above market and got him to say yes well he was well but you have to think about like time sensitivity for them like an extra buying something an extra 50 grand like to them is nothing like she's basically acting like like she's got so much money that marty's handed her that like but she needs it in like a legitimate business and so like it's more of like okay before anything fucking afford a pedicure and a manicure whatever like would she doesn't want it that's not her personality she's an ozark girl she just wants to hang out

in her trailer i really like that and drink a miller light the fuck she need more than 16 a day you could support her on one of those like you know kenyan commercials from the problem so so this this is some of the stuff i like about her character right and she says this at one point this season she says why did god make me smart enough to know um how fucked all this is but not smart enough to get myself out of it you know talking about like the world she lives in and and and that's where she is she's smart enough to know but she's dumb enough she's too dumb to fucking leave and and she's got her family there that she doesn't want to leave and she keeps asking her family like we've got enough money to do whatever we want let's leave and they're like i kind of like being a dumb hick living on the living on the lake here with the fbi and the

cartel trying to kill me it's fun and well but those those other guys are trying to convince they don't know the full danger they're in like there's no way she she's too shrewd to be cutting them in with all the info and how much money she really has that and that's that's that gets back to my point earlier ozark is populated by two types of characters those who are people with 145 iqs and people with 85 iqs there are no 100 and 120 iqs there's no one who's just like well none of this makes sense this is not adding up no sir like the private detective they describe him workaholic that leaves nothing unturned he was the best he solved a murder a week sometimes three i i liked i like that character they got shaft on the case like

they were talking about like they were talking about like his his crime-solving ability and i'm like it's it's a danger to society that they took him off the beat like get him get him get him back in the game guys like they literally like like the private detective who happens to be snooping in on them happens to be sherlock Holmes. He's traveling the country. He's driving hundreds of miles on hunches and asking pointed questions and manipulating people to get where he needs to go. And he's being paid pennies.

Oh, yeah. And you're talking about the driving stuff. It'll be something like, I got a clue about something going on in eastern Tennessee, so I'm going to drive over there. And it's like, that's so far away. Just to be clear, that's about a 19-hour drive. That's not that long, but it's a long drive. Check it.

No, you're right. Of course it's not. It would take me two and a half weeks by motorcycle. No, you're absolutely right. I made that drive to Paducah and that's like or to Southern Illinois. It's like eight or nine hours from Ozarks. It is not a whimsical drive

that you make out of... He was just checking on a hunch. Everybody in the show is a genius or an idiot. And I don't mind that because it means that, like, the idiots are often manipulated very well and the geniuses often come up with magical ways to get out of crazy situations. I even liked that the cartel boss is not like a stupid thug.

Like he's a very calculating businessman, which is what the reality of the top of a cartel is. Like it's not some guy with a snake tattoo across his forehead. It's a guy who's like running numbers. Yeah, if he's going to do it for very long anyway, you would imagine. Yeah, I like him a lot i i like his style um what did he say to marty um he's like you win when i went and just like keep that in mind the whole time and marty's just like yeah yeah pretty much okay i get you you're right

you're right yeah i can't no and let marty says that later on he said like you said i win when you win he's like no he's not what i said i said that you do not win until i win there is a difference it's such a scary situation where like i can't tell what's the scarier aspect of it like like he's got so many guns pointed at him all the time, and there's so many wild cards in the show, so many people who are just insane. The cartel actually seems like good people to do business with because you can take them at their word.

The FBI seems terrifying to deal with. They'll just lie. They'll just kill you. And some of the people they deal with are so insane that they might kill you for the fun of it. You should watch Euphoria, Kyle. I know you described it as pedophilia or something, but this shows... I think you might like it.

Yeah. You might like it. Wings has been saying it's good. I'm just straight. Poor Wings. Wings has his character flaws flaws that's not one of them no it's not is there anything going on with him

well I'm a week out of date or two but his trolls have been trying to you know shut him down and make him look like a pedophile I had no idea that was still going I didn't either I figured that would die down.

Maybe it has. I'm a week or two at a date. Well, I haven't watched Euphoria. I might check that out someday. I'm longing for the return of Barry, that show that we like so much. I forgot about that show. It's been so long since they made an episode.

Other than that, I haven't really been watching anything. I've been sucked into fucking Tarkov, playing a ton of that. Peacemaker and Ozark have been my two favorites recently. Are you going to jump back into Tarkov

with Kyle, Woody? No, I'm not. I'm doing great. I'm living a not that great a life, to be honest. I'm a little sad i got outside enjoyed some sunlight but i know tarkov doesn't make it better no no there's no sunlight in tarkov i even play it and night in the game i don't even want like tarkov i don't like playing a night in the game i like to play in the daytime oh are there are there other pmcs yeah that's what i'm

here for come come get your bullets. I'm keeping them in my magazine. I like to be sneaky and stab them. There's a... You can use the cultist knives now and poison people. How quickly does it kill them? Takes forever. Yeah, that's what I imagine. Like, this is not Call of Duty knifing.

But people don't know that, so they're just like real concerned with the fact they're poisoned. I think it takes like seven or eight minutes maybe to kill them but they gotta extract unless they got an antidote which is probably not. Well now is there a needle one? Yeah but nobody cares. I actually carry it around because I want to be the guy if anybody ever gets stabbed

by the poison to be like I've got the antidote. Yeah plus is that if people don't know in Tarkov the things that restrict you are how much it weighs and how much space it takes your backpack will be like whatever 20 blocks cubes and um you only have so much space but needles store very efficiently and you can put them in such a way that you don't lose them and i don't see why you wouldn't carry one if you're rich yeah i'm having a good time good game it is a very good game but it's

it's time consuming it's time consuming and you benefit in the game by how much you play right so they get the same me early in the wipe and late in the wipe you know gets more kills late in the wipe why well i've got a better gun my character literally runs farther shoots with less recoil his footsteps make less noise his hearing hears more like like i'm playing a different i'm basically running cheats because i'm an rpg it's an rpg shooter it's it's cool that way that you know we played all those thousands of hours of call duty 4 and modern warfare 2 and they're like yeah you're the same guy like really because i've been putting hours in bro like like i'd have worn out several pair of boots by now like you pick up some perks but by and large like once you hit once you get creative

class and call of duty historically you should be competitive yeah or at least when you max your like numeric level but i'm talking about like thousands of hours yeah like you would like it if like they recognize that but they don't call of duty but in this game they're like bro did you actually did you actually spend thousands of hours of like your real life in this game okay man you're fast now get out of there go get him go get him loser you can sprint for longer than you need to and And if you run out of sprint, we'll give it back. That's how the game plays. You can carry heavier shit.

I don't want to join. It must be halfway through the wiper later by now. Oh, no. I think we're about two and a half months in. And I think they're talking about wiping in five months. Sort of third-ish. Yeah, something like that. But who knows? They could do it anytime uh we're hoping for streets of tarkov next if you're i don't know

how to be an asshole if you're me and you're starting in the white knight now there are some advantages because all my friends are rich i bet i could run good gear oh yeah great if i really want to oh it would be no problem to put you in U-locks and level five plate armor. That's pennies. We've got all the traders now. Everybody does.

Everything's cheap now. Oh, I heard the solar farm's still broken. It's probably not a good show topic. Oh, today. I watched a video recently that said it was broken and I was like, it's been months. It's probably not a good show topic. Oh, today. I read, not read, I watched a video recently that said it was broken. And I was like, it's been months. It has to be a quick fix. How do they not prioritize it?

It took a while for people to get there. You know, it's a. Oh, yeah, not everyone. You could only get to it about a month ago with any real sense. And then I guess nobody noticed. They were like, if you're such a badass that you've gotten to solar panels, like in two weeks, you probably don't notice your fuel costs.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. In any case, though, it's a good game. I can't decide whether it's better than Rust for greatest game of all time or my favorite game of all time. You've been there for years now. Oftentimes, you like the one that you're playing.

Yeah. It's the one you call the best yeah maybe so i think um they both have that that thing where they just make me make me uh really nervous and make my hand shake and uh freak me out i get so adrenaline rush yeah i get really scared when i play uh sometimes like like if all my friends are dead and so all of their loot is on the ground and then like i just need to kill one more guy to like secure all all my friends are dead and so all of their loot is on the ground and then like i just need to kill one more guy to like secure all of my friends loot and profit from all of the dead enemies loot it's there's a lot on the line in that moment and then i'm streaming in there so it's like i really want to win my hands will be shaking you don't want to

make a big or an easy error that fucks yeah up. Yeah. Oh, I make plenty of those. Yeah. I make plenty of those. It's fun. Well, I already used, I just used my Tarkov bathroom break. I'll have to save UFC for, for later in the show. Oh,

UFC. Oh, anytime I have to piss. It's the first show. How's Tarkov? How's UFC? No, um, I haven't, I want to lead UFC talkfc talk no no you don't have to piss again yet

for a couple hours there well you brought it up there is a fight this weekend israel adesanya versus robert whittaker and israel adesanya competes for most interesting guy in the ufc at the moment right a lot of guys would say Conor, but he's not winning. I don't even remember the last time he won. Some guys would say George Masvidal, but they're wrong. Who else is on the list? Black Beast. Derek Brunson. That's not his name, though. Whatever his name is. Big Black Beast or something. Derek Lewis, yep.

I think you're in the minority by putting him in the same league as those other guys so anyway the point though is that one of the biggest stars in the u.s no one knows what it's called ufc is fighting on saturday and i'm barely watching i don't know who else is on the card am i alone in having drifted from mma a little bit no i i think that I don't know who else is on the card. Am I alone in having drifted from MMA a little bit? No, I don't think it's that big of a fight. It doesn't seem like they're promoting it very much. Name a bigger fight. Whitaker, it's a rematch. That makes it a really big deal.

They were both champions. That makes it a really big deal. If people don't know the backstory, this guy Israel Israel Adesanya, was a kickboxing champion. He kind of entered the UFC old. People think he's young because he's into like anime and internet memes, but he's not. He's like 33 or something, 34. And anyway, but he's really young at heart. He's young looking.

He comes in and he just whips on everybody. He's this great, great, great striker, which is fun to watch. And apparently his grappling defense is good enough because no one can hold him down and he beats everyone including our champion robert whittaker if i remember right and i might not whittaker was hurt like he had like it's like his intestines came out or something ridiculous like that he healed up but he came off an extended break and lost the fight badly no one watched that fight and thought that Whitaker was like doing well but uh since then Whitaker's been on like he's beat murderers row he's earned a shot at the title again this should be a giant super fight I don't't know why, but it's just not.

It's not for me. It's not for anyone else. Did USC forget how to promote, or did we just get numb? Is it anyone but Conor is not interesting enough? It is possible they forgot how to promote, or they did something different. I will say the artwork they used for the poster that they put on the banner on Amazon looked completely different. And I noticed it. I went, that looks like shit.

Uh, I haven't heard anything about the fight outside of the Amazon banner. And, uh, you know, I'm on the MMA subreddit occasionally and, and like bloody elbow or whatever. Like I go to those places.

And so I know that it's coming. I've been talking about it. I made some bets last week. Uh, I got money on, on Whitaker because, you know, I like him. I've been talking about it. I made some bets last week. I got money on Whitaker because I like him. And I dislike Israel. I really want him to win.

Is Whitaker the underdog? Yeah, he probably is. He's very likable. He's Australian. He tells the truth a lot. Yeah. And I don't know. He's just a charismatic dude who laughs easily and um i was in the gym

and late night at the gym they replayed the espn is on the tvs so like they replayed these like the promos that they do those big long ones for ufc events on espn late night so there's like this hour-long documentary that they have made that's basically about like the first fight between them and so you get like 30 minutes of like what robert whittaker is like and so i watched that at the gym and i came away from that just really liking him he just seemed like such a good guy and i hate israel out of sonia so fucking much why do you hate him did he beat up somebody you liked no i just don't like like him. I don't like any of the things he does. Cocky? Cocky guy?

Yeah, but that doesn't bother me. I kind of like that. I wish... He's just fucking weird, and I thought that was funny when he had... He's just fucking weird. He's fucking weird, and I thought it was funny when he had gyno, and he like... They were like, why do you have gyno? And he was like,

why are you looking at my titty? And it's like, because you have gyno from your performance-enhancing drug abuse, sir. That's why I'm looking at your titty. Does everybody know? Yeah. Everyone knows. Okay. He has one female titty. And when you're low body fat, that really stands out.

Do you think it's gone? Is it gone? Yeah, it's gone now. I don't know. It's a cute little tit. I'm looking at it. The reason he has gyno, aside from performance-enhancing drugs like Kyle mentioned, is they test for the things that suppress the performance-enhancing drugs too,

like that prevent that from happening. So when you're being tested at the level that these guys are, you can't do the things that normal people do like you you can't take that like estrogen suppression and stuff look at that so they he's got a boob dude and that's not the most egregious picture hopefully i use that right yeah uh there are pictures that make that boob look even worse than his other side looks normal though it It's asymmetric, which is another indication that like, Oh, it's ped based. It's not like a hormonal like imbalance.

It's. Well, it kind of is like he's using hormones to perform. I didn't, I didn't know if there was a thing where they're like, well, if this naturally occurs, it's in both breasts. Photoshop. That's the worst one. That's definitely Photoshop. Cause it's the same exact, it the same exact photo look at them it's just photoshopped bigger that that looks like a fucking like the you know when they discover the tribesmen and the women don't wear tops that's him when he was pregnant yeah when he was producing you can see

little white spot on his nip it looks infected but your random gym bro can like prevent that from happening i don't know what they take i have clomid in my head but i think that's wrong but they take some sort of suppression here if you take too much tea i guess your body converts testosterone into estrogen and then if then you have a lot of estrogen because you're taking so much tea that it's excess and that happens. And you get shit like that. Boobs. I think I have my science right.

We'll need Derek on here. Well, does it pop up out of nowhere? Like very, very quickly? Because I feel like if that's the problem, it's not cured without surgery. So he has a surgical problem there. And if he's in the middle of a training camp, if he's coming into a fight, like he can't just whip up a quick surgery. Yeah.

I didn't know that. Usually they need to physically go in and remove whatever tissue showed up. Whatever breast tissue started to form. I, I mean, I'm exhausted. Yeah. I suppose that's what maybe they can go in there and like cut it out.

Or I think there's some drug treatment that will shrink it as well uh i remember there was some there was some guy on youtube that like cut his own out that's hardcore huh he gave himself a gyno uh mastectomy yeah mastectomy that's horrific turn out okay like how could it yeah right because the stitches alone like need to be done well yeah and like was how do you get a good look like imagine you're operating on the underside of your nipple you get a couple mirrors you're good just a couple mirrors where you do you do it standing and you're like your bathroom i do it in bed it's gonna ruin my mattress i got rubber sheets. Oh,

I do too. Actually. Yeah, we're going to be fine. This is going to work. Yeah. When I start to grow tits, just take a knife in there, slice them off.

So yeah, that's horrific. Self surgeries are, have you ever seen that old photo? I don't remember the backstory of it, but it's like in black and white. Like the guy still has like the doctor cap, like the olden day,

like paper looking doctor cap. And he was operating. He removed his own appendix. I think it was like military related or something. Maybe he was out in the field and they couldn't do it. Are you wearing a robe? I am. Yeah.

Have you been wearing the robe all show? Did you come back with the robe? No, I've been wearing the robe the whole time that's pretty Hugh Hefner of you I mean I decided there's a new type of guy I want to be a guy who wears a robe I thought about getting a pipe also corncob I hope I've tried I've tried pipes before they don't taste good and you get little bits of tobacco in your mouth i don't like it but ropes like the real thing is there has been a wrapped robe in this like this office has like some some storage stuff in it and this i got for christmas

2019 christmas 2019 and it was still wrapped up and it looks so soft and nice i just walked in today and was like i've been looking at that for so long. Just be a robe man, like pull the trigger on it. And so I did and I'm loving it so far. It's soft. It's comfortable. What? No looking back. There's no looking back. When you're a robe man, I can't wait until like, I'm just going to have it hanging outside my shower now. When I finish showering, no underwear, no pajama pants, no t-shirt, robe. And then I go on my morning jog. The least believable part of all of that is the jog. Fine, well then I go get my mail with the tie undone.

Whatever is believable. Robes are great. You should definitely invest in robes. And that is investment advice. To invest in robes because they're soft. They only appreciate in value. Used robes. The used robe

market? Look at this economy. It's going gangbusters. Everybody, it's like it's, all the idiots are in crypto and nfts used robes dude i don't i still don't get nfts and i and i don't i don't want to ask someone else who comes on again about it because i'm gonna go oh okay and then afterward i'm gonna here's what matters taylor here's what matters it's a right? You've seen they've got those little pictures of lions with hats and shit, and they're worth a lot of money because they're the only ones who can have it.

They're mostly like monkeys or like eight-bit shitty little zombies. But you understand that part, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because only they can use it, right? You understand that as well. But I don't understand how that's true. No, no, no, no. You said only they own it.

I have cracked that fucking coat all of them so zach would you find like a very expensive uh nft and show us a picture of it uh maybe like like this one we know the the numeric value for like like oh this is a one million dollar one or this is a two million dollar one could you could you show us something like that is this a way for rich people to launder money? Well, you think that, but that's just... I mean, it's literally just taking the art money laundering thing and making the art worse, right? Okay, perfect. What's the value of

Black Dude with Backwards Cap? That can't be $10 million. That can't be 10 million. That can't be true. The hat's not even there. No, he's absolutely right. It's worth every penny because only the owner can use that. But look, Taylor,

I will do a thing for you. We just used it. $25. $25. I will draw that for you. It will be an exact copy and I will give it to you. Only you can use this.

Really? Only you. Yes. That's really generous of's really generous you know what make it an even 30 you know i it the the standard is 30 um so i appreciate you stepping things up yep that was a discount that i was providing to you well what the fuck um wait do you kyle do you actually understand it i just explained it to you no not no but like i understand what you just said that you pay and then you're the only one who's authorized to use an image but what is the incentive of an individual to ever purchase this from you at that price like in the same way like what's the incentive to buy a piece of art that's sold for 30 million dollars but it's shitty like yeah taylor you don't get it i i think it's i think it's definitely a scam i think it's also a scam i think that there

are a lot of really smart people making nfts right now it's the thing where i draw the pictures because i don't even draw them i just take the money and block the people it would be so easy obviously like uh uh not a ponzi scheme because that involves many layers just a uh i don't know snake oil it so obviously worthless things that you just hope someone else pays more for your worthless thing than you did yeah and the bottom is going to fall out it's the what is it the denmark tulip market or whatever that was, the Dutch tulips. And everyone who tries to convince you otherwise doesn't have the words to explain why. Or they're selling NFTs. Now, I'm willing to accept that maybe I am too, and always, I'm willing to accept that I am too stupid to understand the value of this.

I saw someone, I scroll on Reddit, and someone posted a conversation they'd had on Tinder with a woman. And she was like, what do you do for a living? It just says finance, but that's just like saying I'm an account. Like, what the fuck do you actually do? And he's like, well, he works for a bank refinancing homes. I guess he's the guy who does it for him. She's like, see, you're just putting words together right now. Like, what? He works for a bank refinancing homes. I guess he's the guy who does it for him.

She's like, see, you're just putting words together right now. Like what? You look at houses and decide what they worth? He's like, what do you do? She's like, I'm a stripper. This is a situation where she's not smart enough to understand the words he's saying. He literally needs to dumb it down and explain it like it's fine because she doesn't know what the word refinance a home or the phrase refinance a home even means she doesn't know what refinance means she doesn't get it she's no entry point concept of a mortgage of a mortgage and then refinancing none of that's ever mortgage very heavy foreign language to her

it just is and and like maybe that's happening here with NFTs. Maybe when someone explains it to me, I'm sitting there like, yeah, you're just saying words right now. Like what? You figure out what pictures cost. And they're sitting there like, this guy's a fucking retard. He's never going to get it. This is why I make millions on NFTs. And he doesn't. And he's on EFTs.

It seems like the people making huge amounts of money are the people selling these and making them. Who's going to rebuy the sellers are fools, Taylor. Don't they know that they were the only ones who could have used that image?

They had them all. Like Woody, let's say I'm a... Let's say i'm a popular why did why did the people who invented these things tell anyone they had the exactly oh yeah you stole the words out of my mouth they'd be like they could have owned the whole industry everyone would have been like you know the guy who has every nft yeah he invented them so he has every one of them wow he was so smart that didn't happen this isn't electricity it's because until people start buying it it's just a picture in a folder and so yeah a ton of people are going to be caught holding the bag but the same as these like

these poo coins but again coming full circle i'm fully willing to accept that I may just be too stupid to understand why they are valuable. It just seems so dumb. Who's going to buy it? You just hit the nail on the head a million percent. Kyle, you find all the NFTs, these inherently valuable things, and you have all of them for yourself. If I have all the most valuable NFTs and I go, Kyle, I'll sell you this for $100,000 in a few years, it's going to be worth millions. Isn't it kind of suspect that I don't want to keep these hundreds of millions of dollars of ill-gotten gains for myself? It's because I'm scamming you.

It's because I am ripping you off. It's because you, if you buy that from me, are the same person who would walk up to a fucking oil cart in 1796 and ask for something to cure their cholera and then he'd give you a happen apple core you know pureed and then he'd be in the next town by the time you figured it out and you'd be like ah never again like no like i and i maybe i'm 100 wrong but this nft shit it stinks and even when like we had a guest on who explained it to us but he also had explained crypto to us and when when he explained crypto to us, it made sense. This was years ago, initially, when we asked him about it. I don't recall the guy's name, but he's kind of an expert.

And it was like, okay, okay. Doug Polk. Doug Polk. That's who it is. Thank you. But he explained crypto to us. And I remember joking mostly at the end of that episode, like, oh, I still don't get it. But it makes sense.

This does not make any sense. Zero senses to be had in this whole thing why are they all zombies and monkeys there's so many things to make pictures of and they're every single one i've seen like 80 monkeys 20 zombies and that's all i've seen every so often i see like a famous meme sold like um you i hope i can describe it the girl's young she has short blonde hair she's in the foreground in the background there's a house that's on fire do you know this meme maybe zach can find it uh i saw that nft sold for some stupid amount of money i don't know how much it seemed like it was millions and i was like who sold it and why did they have it i'd like like can i ask you this what do you here's something i'm not i'm not clear on where where is the nft registry because because and

this is i'm being honest i'm not even joking around anymore like for you to tell me that's the one okay for you to tell me that i can't use the pixelated shitty version of this for my business or or for transactions however the fuck that works someone would need to win there would be to be a registry somewhere where they had a list of names and and pictures of silly shit next to the name they'd be like oh hang on let on. Let me Google. Okay. Clown with a dick up its ass. That's Taylor's. All right. Someone use clown with dick up its ass. Yes, they did.

Once again, no. But wait, you keep saying that other people can't use it. I think they can. Other people can use the images you own. It's not a copyright. It's just a flex that you own the NFT to it. What does that mean to own it? I don't know.

Here's one, Woody. It means we all agree that you put money. Remember that monkey we saw earlier that was $10 million? I own that. What it means to own the NFT is that you're walking away with a handful of magic beans excited for your next adventure. Bullshit, Taylor. Bullshit. You're walking away with an empty hand

and you're saying, I have magic beans in my hand. And they're saying, you have nothing in your hand. You have a picture of a monkey. I have beans that you can't see and they're magical and only I have them. And you can't

see. Yeah, you're right. It's even dumber than me. All you have to do to anyone who looks at you and says, I have them. Yeah, you're right. It's even dumber than not me. All you have to do to anyone who looks at you and says, I have invisible magic beans, you can just say, mine are better. I have stuff. I've got a double fucking handful of glowing, radioactive

magic beans. My invisible wheelbarrow full of beans? Or this huge convoy. Bring it in boys have trucks and fucking cargo freight i just and look if if if if you could go into the court of law and you could argue that someone somewhat look ownership implies that someone else can't fucking do stuff with it that's what ownership means i own this you can't fucking come take this from me if you did i would call the police and they would come talk to you about

it and because it's only like 85 there'd probably not be nothing done but like they're then because you're a felon i'll like say that you spit on me and they'll take you away and i will i will hold back the charges if he lets me get another goddamn hit from his vape you know but you know what i mean like like you cannot come take something that i own and you can't trespass in a place that i own there's all sorts of laws that that say so i don't understand how you can say you own an nft if i can do whatever the fuck i want with it i don't get it either if i can do whatever the fuck I want with it. I don't get it either. You get the pride of having paid for it.

Woody, you own your house. Woody, you own your house. If I come there, you can murder me. You can kill me in your fucking living room because I've intruded. I can't sell your house. I can't say, hey, that house over there is mine. Give me some money.

All right, move on in. Those people, I don't know who they are. Get them out of there. You could steal a photo of his house. I can't say, hey, that house over there is mine. Give me some money. All right, move on in. Those people, I don't know who they are. Get them out of there. You could steal a photo of his house. None of these things work. Could you sell an NFT of his house? I could sell photos of your house, just like I can. Dude, you should. I wonder if any idiots would buy them. Just sell the NFT to the

photos of my house. Actually, just send Woody all you have to do probably is send Woody probably send Woody a package that's got a Polaroid camera in it and return postage. New Polaroid for Woody. Just putting him on a shelf.

You don't say anything. You just start stacking them up behind you. Send it. Send it. I'll make a video of the fire. You're getting all high off the fumes that come from burning a Polaroid camera. God knows what's in there that makes images. Do you guys think that

these NFT things are going to be around for a while? Or do you think it'll be like an explosion? The people are going to move on to the next scam oh oh we talked about can I play oh I gotta play I sent um so we talked about

Ice Poseidon on oh yeah on PKM if you guys haven't caught PKM this week I highly recommend it check out the link to the Patreon check out the link to the Patreon below you can get another there's another hour of us retards talking every week. What's happening right now is pretty good. I'd say we're about a 7.5 out of 10.

We had a 9 on PKN. It was real funny. Anyway, we talked about Ice Poseidon a good bit, and I sent Taylor and Woody this little audio clip. Were you or someone you love affected by Ice Poseidon's crypto pump and dump, pull the rug out money scheme? If so, call Cliff Hutchinson and Law, the Law Dog, 1-800-LAW-DOG. 1-800-LAW-DOG. I was just sitting here after the show and I was just imagining the class action lawsuit against Ice Poseidon,

ice poseidon head headed up by headed up of course by the head honcho himself cliff hutchinson uh noted video game attorney and class action lawsuit i mean we're in the middle of litigation i'm not at liberty to discuss anything but oh oh will you be bringing any of um the other nefarious characters in the ice poseidon cottery the uh the the goal we're going for the death penalty oh yeah i was going to talk about some of the witnesses that you were going to call some character witnesses perhaps that might know ice and oh yeah for yeah i was gonna call all his his gang you know i have no idea asian mike asian mike only use me blade only use me blade he's my key witness except like

every time I ask him a question he'll be like I do not recall and it's like damn it I believe him this is the worst key evidence god damn it my key witness is pissing himself half his foot's left in the aisle God damn it, my key witness is pissing himself. Half his foot's left in the aisle.

This is a trap. Is he still streaming? What's Blade up to nowadays? I have no fucking clue what that guy's up to. Kyle knows something. Yes, he does. Let's let him finish his laugh cough. Did we talk about... Did we talk about when they made him Hitler?

On here? Did I tell you guys about them making him hitler i think you sent me like the video clip yeah okay so last time i saw blade and fast forward then was he was so passed out drunk that he could barely resist them gluing a hitler mustache to his upper lip and a wig to the top of his head and making him into adolf hitler And then like seemingly like the next day He got blacked out drunk again And you know how you'll like take like a can of beer and and like shotgun it right? You'll take the car keys like pop it. Yeah, like kill the thing They did that to him

But with a can of spray paint Dude anything to catch the buzz him, but with a can of spray paint. Dude, anything to catch a buzz. Which is me. The goal is to make him into Pepe the Frog, right? So they take this whole can of spray paint and they're just like, boom! And they like insta-paint his whole face.

I think they could have used the spray part. He's resisting, Woody. We don't have time. I don't know. The spray part is pretty good at painting. They are essentially raping his face with paint. He wants no part of any of this. And they are live streaming it to the audience.

And he is begging them to stop. And sometimes he'll get enough energy in him to really go to town on one of them and like and like you know how it's like to hit a heavy bag like even even like when we're in shape it's it's like oh you wear out quick couple minutes and you're dead he's got a couple seconds yeah he's got one of these in him and he'll rough him up a little bit but then he's like down for the count again. They're on him like Andy Dufresne. Very dangerous for 10 seconds out of every five minutes. Yeah, every now and then he's like this gorilla who's been tranquilized,

and he just comes out of it, and he's on one of them. When they've accepted it, they go, don't hit back, don't hit back, because they'll let him beat on them a little, because they know he's going to go back down, then get right back on him with the paint so when they're done he is full-on pepe the frog with like big white silver outlines around his and he wakes up and he's just like who's this what is this oh looking back the silver i think was the spray thing and maybe they they i think they used like the glue you use to like paint a construction model. To like paint his face green.

Because he wakes up and, you know, he's all green and shit. And it's all over his clothes. And I know we've talked about his Pepe face before. He, thank God they used green. Because they gave him some big red Al Jolson 1917 lips yeah in that yeah brown would have been a bad look that would have been dude imagine like like that being a prank you play on someone is like he's gonna wake up and it's gonna ruin his entire life he's gonna wake up with black we used sharpie paint it's it's acrylic it's either this is his look or he's got no face

skin i don't watch a lot of blade um every now and then someone goes have you seen what happened with blade and i'm like no and like and then they send me the link that's this is how it goes down yeah um so like i don't i don't know what he's been up to lately but i would bet real money that he has done blackface before. Actually, let me Google only use me blade blackface. Let's take bets. Let's take bets. I have two and a half dollars says he's not the full five.

Don't go nuts. Two and a half dollars say no blackface. Hold on. I'll say five dollars. If someone else painted it on him Does that count or no? Oh yeah it counts That makes this way harder I'm still going to go no it has to be a different answer

No he hasn't I think he's done it So $2.50 to each of you is what I'm going to do That way I'm out $5 Only use me blade blackface Only use me blade black Blackface only use me for Blade Blackface this is a fun game come on no

come on I'll look up and see I'm looking like I'm digging through the internet I'm seeing a lot of pictures of Blade. And some of us reacting to him as well. Isn't that crazy where that happens? We watch the Ice Poseidon

pump and dump scam crypto thing. And then there's me talking to him about it. Oh yeah. Whenyle was like uh oh he looked like pepe i looked at only he's me blade pepe face the third result is a pka highlights video with the photo of blade there as we're all laughing and making fun of him for it earlier poor guy well it doesn't look like he's done blackface i will i only have to pay i only have to pay you if no one puts blackface on him this week. No, no, this is bullshit. You can't conscript an army of racists to do this for you.

Tell that to the president of the United States, Taylor. You can absolutely conscript an army of racists to do your bidding. Dammit, you're right. Speaking of blackface, did you guys see the Joe Rogan N-bomb compilation? No. I did see some of those. Dude, let me lay it out there for the audience.

It seems like people are attacking Joe Rogan. I don't know this. I'm not a big conspiracy guy. It almost seems organized. Like every week. It's obviously organized. They're frustrated about him platforming some cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs anti-vax person. And one of them in particular, like he was on Joe Rogan's podcast and he sounded pretty credible.

Who was it? I'm terrible with names but he sounded pretty credible and he had like a real respectable academic background and you're like shit maybe i should listen to this guy same guy was on alex jones podcast the week before it was all new world order elites fucking vampire pedophiles trying to get you and then he goes on joe rogan's podcast and he really kind of had me convinced for a second. All right. Anyway, everyone's mad at Joe Rogan.

Well, someone put together an N-bomb compilation of Joe Rogan, just N-bomb, N-bomb, N-bomb. And it seemed to be 80% storytelling. Other people, like, then she said, N-bomb. And he said, N-bomb. And then they come along and start calling me n-bomb and and it really wasn't him using yeah the n-word in a really like in a way that is attacking instead it's him like relating times he's heard it and i get it i get it i've learned

that you can't tell a story of what someone else said. Oh, you can. You can. You just have to be black to do it and not get fired. It's against the rules. You can't use the N-bomb. If it's in the song, you can't sing along to the N-bomb. I can't sing the song? No, you can't

do these things. All of these N-bombs were taken out of common sense. Kyle, I'm trying to tell you this. Kyle, wait. If you were half as smart as a white person, you'd understand that this was taken out of context and that he's not the racist they're making him out to be. What?

I don't understand. What did you just say? I'm sure he delivered it wrong Kyle I'm sure it was a wrongly delivered joke Kyle was stepping on my punchline I'm like I mean yeah I saw that compilation too and it's so

just like just grasping at straws it's like it's either telling stories or like being like I'm gonna say it like a joke thing like to say it like, like a, like a joke thing. Like he's not like,

and then this blank came into the store I was in and it's not for, then it's like, no, that didn't happen. Cause if that happened, no one would like him. Cause people don't tend to like people who actually,

right. But yeah, just, just a railroading of him. It's, it's so funny where they're like, and I'm not even like a big Joe Rogan thing. Like I don't like i don't

i don't listen to i listen to maybe two episodes a year if i see someone interesting and it'll be it's just funny when like anderson cooper someone who curates their guests and who has you know it's a it's a manufactured dialogue where they know what they're going to say prior to it nothing's really discovered nothing is is hashed through it's just clips for three minutes and their hatred of him is like oh he's pushing all this stuff and it's like like he's he's having open form conversations with people for like four hours and like that's the the problem like it's it's ridiculous to go after joe rogan of all people like he's a fucking ufc guy oh i don't i well the podcast is bigger than

you lost me in the end there because joe ro does make news and Joe Rogan does influence opinions. That's fair. Yeah. And he does do it irresponsibly. I watch him. I don't actually watch the full length podcast. I watch a lot of highlights. Does he have any?

What's his responsibility to not talk to people that he finds interesting? I don't know. It is very difficult. He made a pretty effective counter argument when he was like you know what's true and what's not there was a time when if you said that cloth masks don't work you were an asshole conspiracy theorists no zach we can't show joe's video now you can't there was a time when if you said i don't know he had a couple good examples of like you know things that we all agreed were indisputable truths and now they're not oh uh that it came from a lab there

was a time that if you said that covid came from a lab you get banned off twitter yeah yeah sure now i don't know if it came from a lab but i know that it seems like there's legitimate uh disagreement amongst honorable people there right it's not just a weird conspiracy anymore um so anyway you know joe lists all these things like you know you couldn't say this i said it and now you can say it who's the what's the truth anyway i was like all right um i don't know joe's a newsmaker. I don't understand where his responsibility should be. He doesn't have a responsibility to do it.

Anytime there's a battle... We were about to have a crazy person on tonight. Alright? We're not responsible for any of that nonsense he was going to say. You know he was going to say some crazy shit. He's a crazy person. Probably. He probably would have said some wild stuff. He's been on every platform for being a crazy person

he was going to say something crazy we're not responsible for that shit no we just want to talk to someone that's going to give good content and that's what Joe Rogan does that's his fucking job the rules for Joe are different than us Spotify paid him I mean really think of it like this

Joe actually has a responsibility because they paid him like a hundred million dollars to like make good content and that's his job yeah but I mean how many episodes of his did they pull down I heard 38 but we couldn't land on the numbers

there's dozens of episodes there that's a lot of episodes to remove for wrong think wrong think I haven't heard that term before yeah it's orwellian i i really do struggle with it because joe takes wrong think i guess a new word for me and elevates it to a uh like an i don't know an honorable place on his platform it they've removed 110 episodes 110 dude that's like how many episodes does he have it's in the thousands but like 110 that's a shit ton it must be oh but thank god it'll stop at 110 thank god there won't be a whole new crop of things to remove and they won't remove episodes

of sunny and they won't remove simpsons and family guys and like they already do that i don't want to be the guy that uh that's like the censorship guy that's never seems like the good guy it's always the book yeah right right you know the book burners are never the people that go down in history as the good guys i still worry that like irresponsible information can hurt people and i i don't know how to get it all right i don't think there is a way to get it right but you need more independent voices and shows like that what's irresponsible information well who decides it is the mainstream media and big tech platforms because they can decide unilaterally what is and isn't allowed speech and so if something they not over on chaotic.com not over on chaotic but like let everybody know that chaotic.com is our no like wait what do you hit the nail on the head

with it like like the the censorship shit is but i don't even want to get into a big big thing it's not that far if only we had time we had time for it yeah it's just it's it's annoying seeing like it's one it's a dude with a podcast that is wildly popular fair but the mainstream media big tech like all of these platforms like use their weight to push like as they always have like they they've banned people ideologically for for years that's nothing new but like this whole and then the and then those same parties will host conversations on cnn and fox or whatever about how do we how do we make sure that the stupid peons who aren't cnn uh correspondents how do we make sure that they

believe what they are told and they're not looking for things outside of uh their purview like that's the the the vibe i get when i watch that shit where it's like, these stupid peons are too dumb to think for themselves. They can only be allowed to have a restrictive diet of information. Can I change topics? Yeah, of course. So my friend Mitty, as some of you know, is a crab cop.

He is one of the men and women of crab and seafood law enforcement over at a rather large store. He's in loss prevention and he puts his life on the line every day to make sure that seafood does not get taken out of the store without being paid for first. Thank God. He's keeping those crab prices down.

He's a hero. He's ready to throw hands and he's authorized to do so. So he has moved up. I don't think that's true. He's not allowed to touch it, but he can hold your shopping cart. If they strike him in any way, he is allowed to unleash

the full fury upon them. If he kills them, Kyle, is it like whatever that Nicolas Cage movie is where his hands are deadly weapons? Con air! Con air scenario yeah midi is look you joke here's the best part so midi has he is a rising star amongst the crab cops okay he has been plucked out of the choir as as they say and and and he's been elevated huh is it his gaming

skills his ability to watch all those monitors at once and detect small movements? It's also his profiling skills. He says the other guys will be watching some little old lady who's clearly trying to decide between two fruits instead of the guy with the oversized coat. Maybe Peacemaker knows a profile of a person who might steal. He knows the nefarious characters in the neighborhood.

Young Asian men. Mostly Taiwanese fellas. Yeah, the Bangkok boys. They've been coming in. Also, a different Asian guy. You cannot stop us from stealing your crab. They love seafood. They got a hankering for it.

So crab is very expensive. i didn't know it was that expensive i really didn't i don't eat a lot of crab i guess but it's it can get a shopping cart full of crab is like thousands of dollars i guess anyway middy's so good at crab copping laying his hands on these folks before they can get out of the parking lot that he's been elevated plucked from the choir they want him downtown main office head store they want him heading up security down there but first they're training him up all right they've sent him to crab cop school he's being trained by this ex-special forces guy who's showing him like all sorts of uh like judo and jujitsu they're doing holds pressure strikes pressure strikes yeah chokes yes he's he's like he's like if their

neck's bent like this and you hit him at the base of their skull you can render them unconscious like he's showing them all this crazy shit he's i don't buy it i don't either i don't either middy's like but he threw me on the floor and like i mean i'm a grown man but i needed to gather myself for a minute. He just moved along like nothing had happened. But I needed a minute. Wait, was this in the class? Yes.

He demonstrated on Middy. He slams Middy to the ground. And Middy's huge. And the rest of the class is like, that's probably why he picked Middy. To show the whole class that you could slam somebody bigger than than you because the teacher isn't as big as midi and so like midi's big right now he's learning hand-to-hand skills right he's already got his profiling down and i was but i was like midi you need a weapon he's like oh they're giving us batons and pepper spray and gas he's like i'm gonna have a whole belt of things. They gassed him today.

I haven't heard from him, but they gassed him today. Nice. Like Dutch office. Solid. He came to the conference with his instructor and he held it down. I would love, once this show's

over, I'm getting into the crab defense game. Dude. I told Mitty that. Every time they try it. Every time they ask for a direct deposit, I just insist in being paid in goods. I'll take the crab.

I'll take the crab. It's like, you're sticking up the bathroom. It's terrible. You know when the dirty cop makes the big drug bust, but he's got to punch that bag up with his knife and get a little bit of it? That's you with the crab. You're just...

It's raw, Taylor. It's raw. You take a little bit of the crab, you put it in this fluid, you mix it, and it turns blue. It's the purest crab you've ever seen in your life. I like to put a little bit of chili powder on my crab. I was going to say.

Jesse, are you retarded? What's that meme? Like, Jesse, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Man, I need to rewatch Breaking Bad so I can give a more accurate appraisal of it compared to Ozark. Because it's been years since I've given it a full watch through. Yeah, way long.

I just looked it up earlier. 62 hour long episodes. You know what season it is when that thing happens where Walt runs the guys over the gangsters? That's like season three. That's like three years into the show before something crazy hardcore happens. Oh, I thought it was earlier than that.

Three years into the show and he's still like getting competent. No, no. There was Paco or Pepe, whatever the fucking Mexican. That was a found thing. So that was the first kind of intense thing that happened. Snake? What was his name? I don't fucking know.

Capo. Paco? Pancho. Yes, Pancho. And maybe his name was Taco. Waito? Pancho. Yes, Pancho. Maybe his name was Taco. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, in Better Call Saul, the guy's name is Nacho. Nacho Vargas.

Well, Nacho is a name in Mexico based on Nacho Libre. Have you seen that? You know what the problem with nachos is?'ve never had there's no good distribution no every time i get them from a mexican restaurant it's just like a lasagna they've like made a mexican lasagna like those chips are all sog soggy in there and like just it's like a lasagna here's my problem let me lay this out it feels like when they want to make the nacho grande bigger,

they go taller, but that doesn't increase the amount of toppings you get. It just increases the amount of chips. The toppings is the whole point. If you want to increase the size, you need to go wider with this thing. Then you'll actually have a meal that more people would want. It's an interesting idea. I don't like it. it you don't like it what makes you not like it i just don't think i've ever had

a good nacho ever this is the nacho brandy with like the salsa and the really complex toppings on top olives and what's some olives some onions tomatoes that's it that's just go go wide with it. Don't go. Don't give me a foot of chips and then some topping. What kind of bullshit is that? You just, I didn't need a cup of Tostitos. No, I want a fucking 36 inch pizza dish full of nacho grande.

That is how you increase the volume. This is the strongest point you've ever made. Look at that. Look at that trash. You can't even begin to count the number of chips on look at that bullshit right there look at you you can't even begin to count the number of chips on the bottom that have nothing there exactly the whole center has nothing is that supposed to be at a party this is this is a commercial that's a screenshot from the commercial they thought this looked good enough to be in a shot i guarantee this

in the nachos commercial it's probably a beer commercial or something what the fuck is this commercial for you must be 18 or older to enter oh then then it's probably like a foreign booze commercial or a nicotine one i don't fucking know delaware hawaii okay well i don't know how regardless nachos clearly taylor led us astray no no nachos not i think about if you put it in a big giant dish and then you had someone dedicated you know if you go to a nice place and you order nachos they should have kind of a fucking established rule of every piece

gets a little meat and then a little thing and a little something else like I don't care if it takes longer I don't care if it costs a little more make sure every piece is even socialism among nachos you joke but there's a place that does that yeah I'm not joking it would be a great idea it's called Chili's Chili's does that? Chili's nachos. You joke, but there's a place that does that. Yeah, I'm not joking. It would be a great idea. It's called Chili's.

Chili's does that? Chili's Nachos. They take a big chip and they make each chip a little tostada type thing where they like put the perfect amount of like refried beans and cheese and sour cream and everything. It's like every chip is loaded down. And then there's like 25 of them like on the plate. So you just like pick them up ready to go. Yeah, that that's a great move i didn't know chilis did anything i got they won't wear

gloves no matter how much you ask though it's do they finance because i'm no i'm kidding about that part but yeah yeah see like that's you know that's not the amount of food i'm looking for but it's it's kind of like it's a nice even distribution i'm sorry i'm sorry did you want more than that yes obviously that's a dozen large nacho chips how big are these things that's not large are those slice of pizza size because if not i'm gonna need a little more look at the drink in the background those aren't large oh these are that's like a pint. This is what I get before my appetizer. Wet my whistle.

This is my pre-appetizer. And I'd send this back to the kitchen. I'd be like, these aren't the right. These aren't fresh jalapenos. Give me the ones with the seeds in them. Give me the ones with the heat. I can see seeds. I can see one fucking thing with seeds. No, two.

I can see two with seeds. How many seeds do you want? I wouldn't mind if they sprinkled some in afterward. Because there's more spiciness in the jalapeno seeds. I know there's more spiciness in the jalapeno seeds. Well, what's wrong with my point then?

You didn't have a point. You're just randomly pontificating about fucking nachos at this point. No, I't have a point you're just randomly pontificating about at this point uh no i did make a point it's just it's so thorough you can't just prove it so that the even distribution of not so top nacho toppings would revolutionize the advertiser the uh appetizer game think about it because my favorite appet? Recently, I've been on a huge potato skins kick. Every time I go out, I hope they have potato skins. That's a healthy one. No.

I usually go with the shrimp cocktail. It is hard to be shameful after eating a shrimp cocktail other than the fact that you just ate $24 worth of shrimp and you are not full at all yeah they are good though and it's a nice little healthy yeah yeah it's just shrimp boiled shrimp and like tomato sauce essentially yeah very sugary tomato sauce but i mean i don't think there's sugar in there is there oh i don't know i thought the cocktail sauce had more sugar than marinara i think it's got some sort of like spicy shit in there i didn't think it's sugar i don't

care if it fucking does either way it way shrimp cocktail that's a solid pick that's one all i like when i go to like a party or get together and they have shrimp cocktail yeah yeah you know i like that line in ozark when um he's like enjoy the party i spent ten thousand dollars on crab alone i i thought that was that was such a cool flex to me. That was such a cool flex. The acting is so good. I'm sorry we're drifting back into Ozark. But in that moment, I remember thinking, I would have no appetite.

There's no way I could eat a bite of food. I just picked brains out of my wife's hair. I might still die, but probably not. But I thought I was going to die like 10 minutes ago. I couldn't eat a bite of food. I'm not going to eat all day. Tomorrow I might eat. Maybe.

I would have. I want some tea. I would have used that as an excuse where it's like, just you may as well die full. You know? What? You'd have been like, oh, believe me. Yeah, I'm going to eat. just just you may as well die full you know what you're like you depend like you look oh yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna eat i'm gonna eat good stuff strong point if i'm afraid i'm dying tonight

i'm not counting calories this afternoon that's fucking ridiculous it's time for me to like try hard drugs you guys don't lose your appetite when you're like in super stressful situations oh when i was in a stressful situations. Oh, super stressful situations? I want to eat more. The night before I went to prison, I did not have an appetite. No, dude, if I'm stressed, I just like ritually just keep eating and eating as a stress relief. Stress eating and stress fasting are both things. I have definitely done the stress fasting thing before.

things i i have definitely done the stress fasting thing before i've done the stress fasting thing but it always goes like one day and then the next day it's like you know catching up and undoing all that but yeah my stress response definitely more to like just sit and kind of eat and try and take my mind off it then sit there with no food which would be a much healthier weight response i've been so stressed that i can't eat because i just feel nauseous all the time with stress i can always eat i can man i can i can like i i was i was going to like imagine what that's like i went to like a like i obviously like besides the family split up and everything. So I had to go to like multiple Thanksgivings, Christmases and everything.

And I, this year like went to a Thanksgiving or no, it was like, yeah, it was like a Christmas celebration, eight full meal. And then like immediately went to another one. And like some,

like some aunt there. So my wife's side of the family was like, Oh, you have to eat something. And I'm like, I just ate. And she wife's side of the family was like you have to eat something like i just ate and she's like we made a plate for you it's like oh shit well i'm not gonna it's etiquette i have to eat all the toasted raviolis she put on some of these are cheese and i'm you're not just doing pork meat. Dude, I get so tempted by that. I don't think I've ever had a pre-dinner dinner. But sometimes it's like, man, dinner's not till six.

But I got the makings of dinner. I could reheat a chicken breast and, I don't know, a potato. And then I wouldn't be hungry at all until dinner. I could do both. And then you get to dinner and you're full of potato probably would but i man the pre-dinner dinner sounds there's a point where like the cost of candy isn't what stops you from buying candy yeah and it's weird to live there how did fuck there's a you know i it's weird it's such a funny way to put it yeah that happens and

um i guess i remember for some reason when i when i turned 16 and you know i had a car and money i didn't immediately go candy shopping now that i think about it like right like there's this weird thing that happens between like 13 and 16 where like 13, if you gave me a car, we're going candy shopping. That might be top of the list. That's probably number one. When I was 10, I figured out that I could hop on the side of the train as it went by, and it took me to a 7-Eleven. I had to hear it coming. Start running for the train.

Jump on the side. They have these ladders on the side. I couldn't run as fast as the train could go, but I could run fast enough that I could grab the ladder as it went by, like close the speed gap. And then you run, run, run. You hold the ladder. And then while it's not smooth,

my memory of it is like suddenly you're gliding you're gliding along the rails you're no longer running on the ballast which are these little rocks next to the train track and it's like fuck little woody jumped on that train and now he's on his way to buy candy it's a glorious moment what was your candy car child just to go get some candy that's my point fuck i forgot about the boxcar children at 16 i'm thinking like let's see if i get some pussy in this car somehow yeah and then candy later if there's time i remember like when i first got my license like the i i was the like opposite of you not with candy like candy wasn't really... It's never been my thing. But the ability to... I remember every day on the way to school,

it was just knowing... Because before that, it was like, Dad, Mom, can we pull off? Can I get a soda? Can I get a snack? And he'd be like, no. But then it was like, no. Every day, guys, with my carpool,

I'm going to get my Dietalks pepper. I'm going to get my little bag of peanuts or something. And it was great. It was just a fun little thing for like the first year of my license just being like i want a snack and you'll get a snack you'll get free if you want and i would like i just show up back home i would just go drive for the sake of it you know how it is being 16 so i just like go out and drive around hit like three gas stations for no reason just like in a big loop and just come back with six mini bags of pepperoni pizza combos and in a bunch of Arizona ice

teas which I thought were not bad for you at the time because the can was attractive yeah because it had leaves on the can like you think of like herbal tea you don't think of like you think of something that's like some sort of like chinese herbal medicinal tea and it was only a dollar so cheaper than

everything and you got more liquid arizona i see cheaper yeah it was a dollar years ago i don't know what it is now it's cheaper than water yeah yeah water's not as cheap as it should be individually bottled like i can buy for like four dollars 24 of them or for three dollars one like what the dollar and a half one yeah what how is your math so off i don't know i was i don't know no do you remember those arizona iced tea Arnold Palmers? Yeah. I would have honored Arnold Palmers. That's my go-to restaurant right now. They're great. I haven't had one in years, but I remember like think – I just haven't thought of it.

But I was looking at Arizona iced tea to see if they were still a dollar, and I saw the Arnold Palmer one, which is for people who don't know, that's half iced tea, half lemonade, which is a tremendous combination. It tastes great and i i can still remember like picking up like five 24 ounce cans of those and like going home and playing whatever game i probably caught four at the time and like getting like ill while i was playing because i was drinking so much arnold palmer and i was like you can oh why do i feel sick it must be something I ate last night. It can't be that. That's tea. That's tea. That's what all the Chinese drink. One of my favorite drinks

is to take it's like lemonade light or something. It's like 25 calories for 8 ounces and mix that with unsweet tea and sweetener and make like Arnold Palmer's. I'll stick those in my water bottle and take it to the gym. Sometimes they're so good.

I'm going to damn. I don't have any iced tea here or lemonade. So I'm over to keep saying iced tea. You're giving unsweetened iced tea, right? Yeah. It's unsweetened iced tea and a lemonade. Well,

they, I buy it at a restaurant. They ask me, you know, sweet or unsweet. It's like unsweet tea. That's the point. It I ask a restaurant, they ask me, sweet or unsweet? It's like, unsweet tea, that's the point. It tastes good, like lemonade, but it has the calories of

lemonade and water. Pretty much, yeah, absolutely it does. And it's got some caffeine in it, so it's actually burning some calories. You're making money on this thing. Making money! They should advertise it that way, like, sir, that Coca-Cola will add

175 calories. This espresso will subtract 8. I guess it's probably something like that. Why are you bouncing? I wonder what the calorie burn of cocaine is. It's got to be pretty substantial, right?

I have no idea. The substance calorie burn is interesting. But before we get to that, we're going to hear from a wonderful sponsor. A couple of wonderful sponsors. Yeah, chaotic.com. When you want to see something, this episode is brought to you by chaotic.com. Are you tired of watching people nearly killed on YouTube? Not getting off?

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the pre-cum the pre-cum it pre-cum used to be a drop barely a thing now it's a squirt no now i'm fucking leaking i like i i don't know I am legitimately super physiological with regards to this and it's kind of neat to have like a little squirt like aha thing just happened right there it's weird because

I've never had that and I think that's the Pygeum that Kyle and I insisted that we include because it creates we did I remember I think Kyle am the pygeum that Kyle and I insisted that we include because it creates it. We did. I remember. I think Kyle, am I wrong? Can you correct me?

I think it was the pygeum that he was like, I don't know if we need this 100%. And you and I were like, the pygeum has to be fucking in there. I know we're working on getting the pills down, but we can't get rid of pygeum. That gets your prostate going. It creates pre-cum. I'm going to be honest with everybody. It's nine pills a day. Four of them are Pygeum.

Four of them every day are nothing but Pygeum that you were taking. That's probably not true. It's 100% true. Four of the pills you're taking a day, half the fucking formula is Pygeum. This is black moon Pygeum mined. No. We have to pay abos to go into that

area of the outback where they used to like farm the asbestos right you ever seen that asbestos uh mining thing they had out there in the outback where everybody got cancer and died that is where the black root is that where it comes from i don't think it does i think it comes from the safe area of af. We all know and love. What's it called again? It goes by many names and it is hard to pronounce. The natives of there

say it's disrespectful to say it on podcast. It's true. Only a native of that land may speak its name. So get the lock and load. Get yourself your vitamin E, your zinc, your selenium,

your vitamin D, your lecithin. It's going to make sex more fun. It's a lot of selenium. All the other ingredients in this wonderful thing. You're going to bust and you're going to – for me, I can't make claims. I can just speak from my experience, and that is my orgasms are longer because I'm coming longer. You know how – I remember when I used to do Brazilian jiu-jitsu, our warm-ups were fucking ridiculous. All the crawling along and running and whatever.

And some of the people I was with were like, our warm-ups are harder than their workouts. Bitches, my pre-cum's better than your cum. And now you're getting shit talked by a 49-year-old man on the internet. What are you going to do about that? For a few more days. Hold on to 48 for dear life. 48, the last year of youth.

My birthday presents are showing up in the mail. Like, I'm not 49. Discounts for getting your prostate checked. I do need to do that. Do you do that every year or do you bounce around like do you you commit to it three to five times a week maybe five times a week that that's a really funny bit a guy that just won't stop going to the fucking prologist or whatever i'm telling you doc i'm worried no No, get two in there. Sneak one. You just want that finger.

Oh, it's like... Bring your own lube. It's like fucking... It's your health preference. It's like fucking impractical jokers when they're given myrrh. Multiple of those. Oh, my God. Pushes back on his hand. That's so brutal.

I've been watching more of that show, Kyle. Have you watched much or are you on plot shows now i've watched a ton of it um good and what do you have sorry kyle the guys want to get what have you watched impractical jokers yet no it's on hbo max hbo yeah that's why i couldn't find it on disney yep it's it's so funny hbo max i uh There's a guy that works for us who logged in on our TV on HBO Max. So in one room in the house

we have it. Well you gotta watch it there. I don't know why I don't buy HBO Max. Are you out of your goddamn mind? Just buy HBO Max are you out of your god damn mind just get HBO Max dude this isn't one of those richest person on the show far and away

buy fucking HBO Max how in the world it's been like a decade now he's been free balling it since HBO Go no HBO Now literally like it was He's been free-balling it since HBO Go. No, HBO Now. Literally. Literally. It was Game of Thrones Season 2 when Woody started ripping off.

That's literally true. I don't know how I got it. I think back then I Googled for emails. I don't know. Way in the beginning. You still have an identity? What did you do? You Googled for email.

You literally Google for HBO Max logins, and there'd be like 38 of them would come up. By the time you got to 19, one would work. Holy shit. That's the cheapest thing I've ever heard in my life. Wait, wait. Hang on. Instead of purchasing something that's like $12 a month,

you Googled free HBO Max, and there was a list of emails and passwords, and you tried like 30 of them until one of them worked, and you were like, ah, beat the system. All right. You really...

No, I said there were 30 of them, and I hit on like 19. Don't be ridiculous, Kyle. What was your time worth? It's incalculable really I don't know time worth nothing I've heard that phrase about like computers like Linux

like Linux users the phrase where like Linux is only good if your time is worthless or something yeah Linux is only free if your time is only free you know you're the computer guy I'm like Linux not good at keys because it's not i was uh i was watching more impractical jokers kyle and you know how they have like

episodes where they'll collect the uncomfortable punishments and put them together like it's so simple and i thought of this one to bring up to you because you're an ex-smoker murr one of his punishments was he had to go into like the middle of new york in like a smoking section in the streets and he had to walk up to people and steal their cigarettes out of their mouth and put them out in front of them oh and then like like a cup like you see like smokers they're addicts to nicotine and he just took their drugs they get fucking furious like so mad one guy wants to fight uh he gets to one guy who's like they tell him like if you get that guy's whole pack of cigarettes the punishment's over and so and murrah's wearing like a 700 hundred dollar, eight hundred dollar, like nice jacket.

Yeah. And they're like trying. He's like, I don't know how to get the cigarettes. So because the guy is like, hey, we're about the same size, right? You give me your whole pack of cigarettes. You get this nice jacket. I'm not ripping you off. It's a very nice jacket. I don't want to do this. I just got it. And so then he this is what some guys like's like looking around like are you you gonna rob me back or something like what's going on and then no he just got a random dude for a half a pack of like parliaments got a 900 jacket or something insane how would you have responded though if someone came up to you randomly took the cigarette out of your mouth and then

ash on the ground it depends so much on how many more cigarettes I have. Because if I've got a full pack. It's your last one. Let's say this. I have an extra pack. I did the two-pack special, right, and saved the 222. And now I've got an extra in here. What are you doing, man?

Yeah, it's bad for me, I know. But got to have them. That's how that goes down. If it's my last one and I needed that one, oh my God, we're screaming. We're screaming in public. We're screaming in public. I'm trying to think of a way that this is theft

somehow. You're trying to contact your attorney or something. I don't know what to do now. I'm not going to throw hands because I'm a fucking felon. You know what I mean?. I'm not going to throw hands because I'm a fucking felon. But you know what I mean? But like, Jesus, that would be like if you've ever smoked and you know, like how stressful your day can be in work, maybe. And like, finally, you get to go outside.

I'm picturing like a nurse. Like, I know a lot of nurses who smoke and like that smoking break is a big deal. Like they see some rough shit and then they go downstairs and they need a minute. And you take that cigarette out of that person's mouth, that little pressure release valve that they had. Yeah, that can go real poorly for you. That's a hard one. I would not want that. That's a very hard one.

I saw even the ones where there's little things that are weird with men and women. There's some where they get more points the more they touch the other person yeah but if you do it just right you can touch a stranger a lot if you're just like yeah yeah you know how it is man you like like touch them on the shoulder look look you've been there before and you sort of like do that thing where you like reach over and put like your palm on like their shoulder like that you're just like hey you've been there right like like you here, you're there. You can kind of work that into a story.

Look, you're not going to love it, but if the guy's like... He's not going to respond violently, probably. If somebody did that to me, I'd be like, man, this guy's animated. He's pumped up. He's trying to pull me into the story. I like this guy. I'd be okay with it. It's a friendly thing. But

one of them, they they were like if you touch his face you're done because he's already touching on the shoulder a few times and the guy is like trying to get away from him and like and he's just like oh yeah i like your beard he's got like a goatee thing going on he's like i like your beard i want to grow one out but i can't oh can i oh yeah it's really nice and he's just like in this guy's go in there and look whether it matters or not it's a black man's face he's touching the black guy goes he smiles and doesn't move a bit and he's like yeah it's nice isn't it while mur or whoever it was is just like really giving it a like tug and and like rub and that's an easy one beard like he's down here but touching the face is even easy by what they

do i remember they gave sal it was it was just a challenge they're like all right and they do it all in the middle of new york like middle of new york very social park areas people are walking around high density obviously it's new york and they were like all right sal go out there and we'll tell you what to do and he does and he's like all right you got to find someone and you got to kiss their abs he's like what he's like yeah you got to find someone and you got to kiss their abs he's like what he's like yeah you got to find someone and you got to get him to pull their shirt up and let you kiss their abs and so like he's going around asking people what i trained for it's so uncomfortable and he eventually finds someone like some old man like i think it's the old man's like face is even blurred out which meant they

approached him afterwards like hey do you mind being on the show he's like no fuck off and so he's like can I kiss your abs? And so then he gets on his knees in the middle of the park and kisses this old man's butt. That's how he did it? Yeah. Because they have to do it in the middle of the park. No.

Because they know it's embarrassing and they do humiliate themselves, but they also make it more embarrassing to like pump it up. Yeah. Oh, one of the most, one that I genuinely don't know if I could do, because like it put to the test,

like I could skydive, they could push me out of a plane. I would hate it, but I could do it. Like they put Sal as a punishment in an escape room and it was a fake escape room. And the escape room leader, like the worker there before they went in was like, all right,

we're going to pick a leader for the group. Sal, you're the leader. So you kind of organize everything. And it's him and like nine other random or eight other random people. So they go into the room and they're like, all right, Sal, you just keep finding clues. But at some point you have to piss your pants. And he's like, what do you mean? He's like, at some point you need to figure out how to piss your pants because this punishment isn't over until your pants are soaked in piss.

And so he's like walking around clearly stressed out as shit. Like, what do you think about that clue? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. And so he just goes and stands there and they're like, draw attention to yourself. Draw attention while you're pissing. And he's like, everyone, I have to go. And he's standing on a chair so everyone can see him.

And you can see him like trying to piss because your body doesn't want to piss your pants because it knows you're not by a toilet. And you just see like an afternoon at a baseball game beer amount of piss just soaking his khakis. And then as soon as he does that he like tries to be like all right is that it and they're like no bud you gotta solve the puzzle and so then they made him go around they're like we want you to be really involved see that woman see that woman working on that puzzle i want you to walk up right behind her and help and so he's walking behind people soaked in piss it is it is so goddamn embarrassing but it is so fucking funny oh my god i haven't seen that are they still making episodes they so they are still making one of them is leaving the show yeah joe my favorite guy on

the show one of the four he's my favorite bulletproof yeah you can't humiliate that guy the only time joe loses is when the game is rigged against him because if they tell joe to do something he just fucking does it so they'll be like uh find a woman with a parakeet on her head it's like wait what you lose it's like all right i guess yes i guess fuck you because the game's rigged against me okay oh what are you gonna do to me at the end oh you'll make me do a fashion show? Trick's on you. I brought my own bikini.

He just doesn't care. He's the one who always reverses the punishment until the audience who's supposed to be cringing is laughing with him at the absurdity of it. He's the one that I told you had the fan rub him down with lotion and the fan didn't realize that he's being recorded. The fan thinks he's recognized a TV show host in a park sunbathing. Meanwhile, they're filming an episode

and he's like, hey, would you rub me down with suntan lotion? And it's SPF 10,000. So he's painting him white. It's like zinc oxide. It's that stuff you only put on your nose when you're fishing or out of the water. Oh, who has the tattoos?

Everyone, but there was an episode. It's Sal, Murr, Joe, and Q. And Q, Sal, and Murr, they all tied for loser, which means that Joe won, so he got to pick the punishment. And he chose tattoos, and that was that one, which is the most brutal thing and they kept one of them has both one of them has jayden smith on both thighs though that's who has that that's sal poor fucking sal he's the and i'm like like it's funny that reveal is is one of the funniest things ever because yeah they're in a unique position because because he just happens to have those two tattoos. The trick, the way you win is you get someone to, you read an email out loud to them,

and you have to get them to say, this is good to go, right? I should send it? They have to say yes. So first of all, the email is like threatening someone's life and telling them that he's not going to put up with their shit and he's coming for him. And he's like, do you think I'm good to send it?

Because let me explain. I was trying to get a tattoo of my son and I got this and it's Jaden Smith. That is not my son. This is my son. And it's just like fucking pure, like white, blonde, blonde hair, blue eyed kid, handsome little kid kid. She's like, that is not your son. I would be mad. He's like, you think it's worse? They threw in a free tattoo if I go back. They did this. He's like, oh no! The email's good to go, right?

The other one's good too, by the way. The email mentioned threat. I think the email was like just so you know I'll come for you and your family it was something like that it was like a scary threat it's so disjointed always to be like I'm coming for you watch your back

take care something like that the funniest thing about the tattoo reveal was they did it in the right order and so like q who was at the time 38 lived alone and had three cats his tattoo was a cat with around it 38 lives alone has three cats on his arm and then mer looks like a ferret and so they put a ferret skydiving and so it was like oh it has to do with you at least and then sal goes last and he rips it off and his response like viscer is like what's this have to do with me it's so well done it's so it is it is such a under the radar show because it's on true tv but

it is so fucking funny and when you're watching season one and the punishments are mild like they even talk about in later things like interviews they're like yeah we the studio had so much control over season one they wouldn't let us hardly do anything and then we got more control over it uh the the simple uncomfortable ones i think are more funny in some ways than like the intense ones like it was funny watching mer skydive because you can tell that he genuinely had a true fear of it. He talked about how before that in an interview, he was like, yeah, we didn't show this in the episode, but I locked myself in the bathroom

at the skydiving location and I cried for about 20, 25 minutes and then I came out and did it. And, but like one that was like worse for that, like that I could imagine myself having a harder time doing was like having to walk around a cafe and close people's laptops.

I didn't mind that one at all. That's so uncomfortable, dude. I would absolutely pull that one off. That one seems easy. The really rude, uncomfortable ones are hard. All you got to do is shake your head, apologize, and mention

some vague rule or something and walk away and and there's not going to be anything said you could just be like i'm so sorry it's the new rule and you could just like close your laptop gently and walk away and no circumstance does anyone even like a crazy person have an issue with you oh dude i would not have a problem with that one the only time i saw them get joe really good was when it was in the Chinatown. His punishment was in the Chinatown area of New York. And they told him the punishment was, we told them that you are a classical oboist

or whatever the fuck. And so we told them, you're going to go up there and you're going to take that oboe or that you're going to take that clarinet and you're going to bang out a bunch of songs and stuff. Well, it was really, you know, the situation going on, which it was it was a made up situation. But the audience doesn't know that they were in Chinese talking about the death of a young prodigy.

And his clarinet was up there on display in remembrance of him and that no one will ever play it again out of respect for this young savant and so they call him up he's like and the person's like and then he like it's like he gets up there and walks up and they're like all right buddy time to play so he just grabs the clarinet from the ceremony thing and starts going and like you can see all of the chinese people in the audience like livid at the dis like the disrespect it's just the disrespect and he keeps going because they probably think that this guy is playing it poorly on purpose as a mockery to a dead man they have no idea but like that was and it's not as bad because at the time you just think you're making an ass of yourself but like afterward it's like oh there's a lot of them where they

think they're there to do one thing and the rug is pulled out so like i saw the one where he's dressed as dracula like like full-on dracula and they tell him that he's going to be part of like some sort of a dracula musical and he's like all right fuck it you know i i'm a performer he's not though he's in a christian black choir and he's leading them and he's dressed and they're all in their church robes and he's dracula in the middle of it he's inexplicably dracula amongst a bunch of black church ladies who are singing and clapping and if you watch that one there's like two of those ladies who are not having it it seems like they did not know what they were getting into and they are just like fucking honky ass bitch wearing that fucking dracula shit disrespectful cocksucker i'll

take your money give it to the church ladies i i clap and i ain't singing like these these ladies are not having it you can tell how upset they are with dracula over there because he's day he has to dance and sing and they don't know why he's dancing and singing i like that show a lot i gotta find the real quick here quick, here's the picture. Zach, if you could show... Kyle's finding the Jaden Smith one. You'll have to scroll down a sec, Zach, when you put it up. But it's what Murr looked like as Dracula with all the black singers.

It's... Oh, God. It's so uncomfortable. Yeah, you can see a gif in the top right over there that's the one i think where he has to read maybe the wedding speech oh yeah where he like is making a bunch of sexual innuendos about the married couple the no one knows him he's like britney's beautiful inside and out i I should know. And they get all those close-ups of like aunts and uncles like, what the fuck is going on? Like someone's whispering to the bride, do you want me to stop this?

Like they're ready to go beat the shit out of this guy. Like it's incredibly awkward and it's a great premise for a show. I hope that it's still good after What's His Name? I really hope it's still good after Joe leaves because I – And the cool thing about it is it's like such good each episode is really short like they're over before you know it they do like two or three bits and then a punishment and that's it so every episode feels like these popcorn bites that you can just do one after another so i'll be sitting there like eating lunch and and watching and like i'll watch six or eight of before it's over um

they're really good they're they're so fun and there's a lot of them on there like when uh when joe when joe has to go to a mets game and when the players are throwing the balls up to the kids he has to intercept and keep every single ball for himself and openly talk about like another one for ebay and like all the players are mad at him he had a mom chase him down like you that is not yours you stole that from that boy he's like he's like that's seven for ebay he's got it he had like a giant uh a fanny pack full of baseballs because he would walk over like there was a kid that caught one he's like that's really cool that's really cool can i see that yeah took it from the kid put in there and walked away and like adults were like that's the kind

of thing that'll get the shit kicked out of you in public oh yeah if that kid's parents saw that you can't you would be in deep trouble children no you can't bully children uh that's uh cruising for a bruising oh you can't it's especially after we've been working out right like i thought about the other day i saw some punks at the gym i was like fuck you up old school bully these kids it'd be it'd be it'd be great but probably not a good idea again because felon felon yeah yeah it's like they suck all the fun out of life once you get the yeah it should be a five you're out you should be able to beat up kids if they're shitty yeah i love that scene from bad santa where billy bob thornton just beats the shit out of those kids and later on he's like talking to the the his partner you know the black midget guy he's like

beat the shit out of some kids today it It felt good. Felt like I was doing something right for the first time in a long time. And the black guy just looks at him like, your soul is a black pit of shit. Something like that. It's always something over the top awful. That's an excellent movie.

I can't think of the lady, the girl in that movie. I like her a lot she's got like the Santa kink it didn't work for me it's great it's got the little snot nose fucking kid he's great he's visually disgusting in so much of the film

you don't like that you don't like when the kid's got the snotty nose or in Rick and Morty when he's like dripping the drool I don't like it when rick has what vomit drool or something on him yeah belching i don't like it when bad santa's beard is like super beyond dirty it's gross oh my fucking lunch break eating salad all over the place i remember that movie made me sad for the fat kid. Really? Yeah, it made me sad for him. It's pretty sad.

I guess it is sad, but it's supposed to be mostly funny. But Billy Bob Thornton's really good in that. All those guys. John Ritter's really good, and Bernie Mac's great too. The stuff between the three of them is all funny shit. Billy Bob Thornton is fucking some lady in the ass in the big and tall section. And John Ritter overhears it. And he's trying to explain this to his head of security.

And he's just like, she was saying, he was saying that you're not going to S-H-I-T right for a week. It's like, oh, eating these oranges all loud. Ass fucking, huh? Another criminal about that. Wouldn't want to lock a man up if it was. Nope, nope. It's so good. I love that whole movie.

I need to rewatch it. I can't think of the Black Midget's name. I kind of feel bad calling him a Black Midget over and over, but... No, no, but that guy is super funny. Yeah. He's excellent in the movie. I haven't seen him in anything in a while. Hopefully he's still alive. Yeah.

Those guys, midgets and giant people, midgets and giant people. Like if you're not in like the normal range of height, your life kind of gets screwed. Yeah. It's like longevity gets fucked. Yeah.

You would think it would be like with dogs where like the giants would, you get that, but like you think the little people would live like extra long. You'd think so. But like apparently like dwarfism and shit fucks your organs too. So like they don't grow right. That sucks. You would think they would have like,

I don't know. The organs wouldn't have to work as hard because they're tinier. You'd think so. They have incredible mining abilities. I've heard that. It's actually sending dwarfs into mines. Why wouldn't we? I mean, we could make the ceilings lower.

You're not plentiful enough, that's why. Yeah. I mean, when was the last time you saw a dwarf or a midget? Orlando, Florida, 2012. You're on a 10-year streak almost? I haven't seen one since. Don't know where they're keeping them. I don't know.

Part of it, to be fair, is they're easy to miss. Let's be real. But when you see one, you're like, oh. I swear to God, I remember very well. I think we were by Bubba Gump Shrimp Company or something down there in Orlando in the little amusement park area. Saw one walking by as best he could. Damn.

Little fella. I can't remember the last time, but it was definitely not 10 years ago. But you would think you'd see more of them at supermarkets. It's not occurring to me right now.

Yeah. But wouldn't you think you'd see more of them at supermarkets and stuff? Occasionally? I do go to the supermarket a fair bit, but like,

I mean, I might have seen one of those ones in the chair, one of those little club-footed fuckers, but those don't even count those are just no that that's that counts as a wheelchair sighting not a I want to see if they're not if they're not walking around I don't that's not a little person that's you know I haven't seen any though not not in 10 years I'd say didn't uh Peter

Dinklage say something recently about like Snow White and the dwarves and how he didn't like it? I didn't read it. He'll have to speak up. I can't hear him from down there. I don't care what Peter Dinklage has to say about a fucking fairy tale animated by Disney in the 40s. Well, he's hoping people care because he's lost all relevance since Game of Thrones. Yeah, and all those movies he's been in

except for the Marvel ones have been awful. Oh, he was in Marvel? Yeah, he plays a giant. He was awful in it. Absolutely awful. Like his acting? Yeah, he was very good.

He was like a midget playing a giant who the whole thing was just like a silly mcguffin quest and it was stupid and it's literally one of the worst parts of all the marvel movies so what is i'm looking at the scene he he's in some uh he's a blacksmith so thor goes to him and asks him for an axe and i guess you need to harness the power of the sun so thor proves how durable he is by i guess manually holding the magnifying glass or some sort of bullshit and he gets hit with the sun but it doesn't bother him because he's thor and they make an axe that's that's real close yeah uh i don't know the fuck it's so stupid it's so stupid it it is like the worst casting decision in the history of holly why would they

pick a dwarf because they thought it was cute to you know you just answered your own question oh yeah really first of all he was really hot at the time like the show was super hot i'm sure when they were producing that that movie so it's whatever i just didn't think he was very good at it and it's it's kind of silly but you know thor was there to get a magical axe so i probably shouldn't complain too much about the midget playing the giant i'm more concerned with black elves. Dude, I'm watching this scene right now, and it is so distracting that it is Peter Dinklage. Because he runs like a dwarf.

He doesn't bound like I imagined a giant would. I think he's essentially handicapped. What's his name? Thor is doing some peck deck shit and and he runs away and when uh peter dinklage runs away you can see how little he oh this whole scene you can see how little he is it doesn't make sense this is terrible my god what a stupid movie it's that's actually one of the better ones that's that's just a scene. That's an excellent movie. It's a real tearjerker at the end. That's Endgame, I think. Not Endgame, but that's

the one before it. Does Peter Dinklage help the team, or is he just a blacksmith hanging out in a ship? I guess we've got time. I guess I mean, is he a main character? No, he's not a main character. He's a side character. Basically, Thor

needs a weapon to fight thanos and so him and his pals fly through space to the space blacksmith and when they get there they find that thanos has beaten them there first he has forced this man to make a gauntlet for him a very powerful weapon and afterwards he has like ruined this man's hands like crippling his hands by like put putting them in like blocks of metal or some shit and uh so thor's like oh it wasn't your hands that made the weapons it was in your heart and i'm thinking like it was absolutely this artisan's hands that made the weapons. That's how weapons get made. But he's like, oh, you're right.

Open that. And he just starts telling them how to make the weapon, which kind of makes it seem really easy to make these weapons when you think of it that way. But it's really just, it sounds about like making a microwave burrito. Open it. Put it in.

Did you guys watch this in theaters or no oh yeah i did this is an end game so when or no it says infinity war on the side so when when the when the wooden creature lifts it up and and snaps his arm off did all the nerds like cheer audibly i was well it was it's a big you know he's he's giving his arm off? Did all the nerds cheer audibly? I was... Well, it's a big... You know, he's giving his arm. You know, so... He's a tree. It's gonna grow back. He gave his life earlier. How? It came

back, clearly. Well, he actually sort of reincarnated. Doesn't seem like this guy has given much of anything. He didn't come back. He didn't come back. He left a seed behind. Yeah, he sort of like... You can think of it as a reincarnation. I just want to know, don't bolster it by saying it was dramatic. Did all those nerds clap and yell?

Yeah. That's so gay. It wasn't like a big. That's so embarrassing. It was more like. That is so fucking embarrassing. Elitist. Elitist.

First of all, every time. First of all, every time. I played Nerdist at the gathering. You can't even picture Theoden wearing that helmet without crying a little, first of all. Okay? Yeah. Yep, see? No, no, no.

I'm not the one who's gay. It's the Marvel guys. It's not me. No, it's just. No, that's just. I don't like when people cheer in theaters distracted oh i don't mind um there's some moments that are clearly like made in the movie to like they leave a pause there for the cheer and and like this was a time where they did when like when you know when captain america does the thing and and like the camera like whips to him and he's just like it's just like, ta-ta!

They're like, all right, give him two beats here, because they're going to freak the fuck out. Because the whole audience is just like, yeah! Oh, they're going to make it, guys. They're going to make it through this PG-13 movie with no blood. They're going to barely pull it together in the end through commitment and friendship.

Alright, alright. First of all, Taylor, to be fair, like, three or four of them died. Like, a quarter of the team die in that movie. I don't care. Who? Who died? Iron Man is the only

Bane one, right? Captain America also essentially died. He like, you know, he's apparently reincarnatable. So next. No. Well, the man, you know, died. And then also Black Widow. She died. Oh, God.

How are they going to continue to win? Who's going to be who's going to be hot? And, you know. No, keep the list. Who else? I mean, the black guy died in real life does that count wait what's that character's name that really integral guy the black panther black panther okay well i'm sure they picked someone else for him right just put the mask on him nobody's gonna know what if they did a white guy that would be so funny that would be dude like as a like you were saying that like the the

black elf bothers you and lord of the rings that would be so funny if you if like all the same people who are like what you don't like the elf in this medieval story based in europe fantasy like being black or whatever you're like yeah i think we should get uh i think we should get jason momoa for black panther No, Jason Momoa's already... Who's the whitest person? Get Jim Gaffigan. Seth Rogen. I want Seth Rogen to be the new Black Panther.

He's like, dude, they've got way better weed here in Wakanda. He's using the little Black Panther razor claws to hold a roach while he smokes it. This Wakanda shit just hits different yeah yeah the bongs got by get vibranium bong like the whole thing like have fun with this nobody would mind that right right no no of course they would care that would be called of course they would care you don't make a white black panther he is the black panther hitler has returned in the form of a white actor playing a black person in black panther they say that peter dinklage passes muster because he has one category of discrimination but we don't like it's like no we just go by categories one category discrimination

black dwarf we got one of them. He's just a dwarf from now on. Are they ending that movie series until they I guess find someone? What movie series? Black Panther. Black Panther. I think they're going to make multiple. They do multiple for all of them. Yeah. There's only been one Black Panther, right?

Well, it made a shit ton of money. He was involved with all the following movies, though. Every Avengers movie and even the the captain america movie too like like the captain the the civil war move like he was a part of like so they they have to replace an answer they've replaced him and the actor's name is winston duke mccoo sounds like a duke and winston duke mbaku wisdom duke mbaku yeah uh rolls off the town he looks five so he's gonna be this guy was in black panther i know him well we're not friends but oh i i know this like i'm looking at him i know this so i guess they're taking someone from the black panther universe and elevating him to get the role of black like the job of black panther yeah because it is a marvel yeah yeah what happens is the most competent fighter they strip your powers they make you

fight and if you win you become the black panther and you get your power that's the whole sit that's a really stupid you drink you drink like this magical fucking drink and uh and then they also hook you up with like this super cool armor that that's uh uh like absorbs energy to get the powers to get the powers yeah i think you drink a drink lose your powers fight the other dude and then the winner gets to drink a drink that was a unique situation we already had one black panther and you had someone challenging the current black panther so he had to relinquish his black pan Panther powers to do even combat with a challenger. But I think normally they just they're just like, hey, you're the new Black Panther.

Have some Black Panther drink. Oh, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. I always thought there was a little bit of a competition to be. So Black Panther is not a superhero like Ted Stevenson, whose, whose name is black Panther, like his moniker. It's like a suit. So now that they pick their King,

it's a moniker. So, so one thing you have to keep in mind, like at this point, all the superheroes. So it's kind of more iron man ish than like spider man ish. Yeah, no,

it's more Batman ish. And, and, and that like the, the, the, the torch, they're both normal guys. Well, no, there's only the one iron man though. Like, like, more Batman-ish. And that, like, the torch gets passed along. Well, Iron Man and Batman come out.

They're both normal guys in season six. Well, no, there's only the one Iron Man, though. Yeah. There's only one Batman, too. No, there's lots of Batman. Oh. Well, it shows what I know. Well, you know, like, as the Bruce Wayne will often, like, die in the story and, like, pass the torch down to, like, any number of, like, Robins.

Oh. I'm actually not familiar with that. I didn't know that. Bruce Wayne regularly dies, and then another yeah they do that with um stupid orbit tires and they do it with thor i think there's a couple thors yeah i mean it's a necessary thing like like like of course look these these these characters are so old that if you they you know they go back to like the the 20s and 30s and 40s in some cases. If you didn't eventually at least explore an avenue where they

died and got replaced by a newer, more modern version of themselves. It is a problem that so many of the superheroes are white. There weren't any real black superheroes made until the 70s or 80s or something

like that. Those are the little superheroes. I think the original squads of heroes are all white if I think about it. I do not know. I don't know much about the hero realm. I'm trying to prove you wrong and I can't. I'm trying to think of a major black...

If you think of the Justice League, they're all white, right? Even the Martian Manhunter is green. The Green Lantern is black, but not originally. Yeah, there's been a bunch of Green Lanterns. How about the Falcon? Hmm?

That's a Marvel thing. When the Falcon was first introduced, though. And I don't know if the Falcon's black in the comics. Oh, Blade. Blade, 1973. Yeah. Some guy named Simon. I want a new Blade.

It's a cool fucking comic. I want a new Blade. Well, I mean, you saw the Blade movies with Wesley Snipes, right? It's been so long. I think so so you remember he's like super serious i'm blade with my sword and i kill vampires like he took it super seriously and you know wesley snipes is pretty good at like martial arts so the fight scenes look good especially for the time um have you ever seen that quote from um um the actor who played alongside him in Blade 3. He's like, I've never met Wesley Snipes.

I've only met Blade. He made a movie with the man. He's like, there'd be scenes where Wesley would come in, he'd do all the stunts, and he'd choreograph everything, and he'd do all the fights, and then he'd leave, and the director said, all right, now let's finish with the stunt guys. Come on, come on.

Now let's do the part we're going to use in the movie now. So Wesley Snipes is watching it like, damn, I killed that scene. Probably. He probably doesn't even know. He's like, god damn, I got my leg high for that. I remember it not looking so good. Fuck, yeah, I still got it. Play four. I remember it not looking so good. Fuck yeah, I still got it.

Blade 4. I don't remember having Asian looking hands. That's crazy. You see like the black arm makeup ending at the elbow or something. Wesley Snipes is a, I always liked his fucking movies. I thought he was cool. I like the Blade movies too. I think they're going to start making some more Blade movies, but I don't know who's going to play it.

I like how he cheated on his taxes and he didn't even try to mitigate it. He held the uh line all the way to the end. His jaggy defense. It wasn't me. It was not me

who didn't pay $30 million for the taxes. It says right here it is. You're going to have to send me. Did he avoid paying taxes by going to jail? Did they give him a choice of saying, like, you either pay $30 million in back taxes or go to jail for a year? And he's like, well, fuck it. I'm not making $30 million a year anyway. It's my most profitable avenue.

I just believe that's how it works. I feel like with taxes, the government will ream you and take everything. They're going to err on the side of taking Oh, they're going to get Wesley Snipes future income. Good luck with that. Three years in prison in 2008 and was fined $5 million. Whew.

Three years and $5 million. Yeah, so he saved $25 million according to our made-up math. He hasn't been in shit in so long. Yeah, he has. He was so good in dolomite i haven't seen that you haven't seen dolomite i think it was the white man can't jump is dolomite funny yeah it's really good all right so here's what dolomite is uh man i wish i can't think of the the real like person's name and the thing that dolomite's about but dolomite

was a movie made by this black comedian who made movies dolomite on netflix with eddie murphy and it is a movie about that guy making his movie okay if that makes sense and you're talking about the movie itself or the netflix show i'm thinking about the eddie murphy wesley snipes project that came out like a year or two ago on netflix and it's it's about the man it's about a guy making a movie um the movie is called dolomite uh the dolomite movie is ridiculous um this guy is just a ridiculous like filthy black comedian who hustled and did everything. Rudy Ray Moore might be his name. Something like that. I can't think of it right now. But it's really... Dolomite is my name

is the thing on Netflix. That's what you want to watch. I haven't even scrolled past that. I'll need to look it up. Basically, he wanted to play a badass... He was like, Kung Fu movies are cool and pimpin' bitches is cool. play a badass like he was like kung fu movies are cool and like like like pimping pimping bitches is cool so i'm gonna play a guy named dolomite who's a kung fu pimp and and and they're like

all right who's gonna play dolomite he's like no no i'm gonna play dolomite you're making a movie where you play a kung fu pimp yeah everybody's gonna love love it. They're like, usually our action stars are a bit more fit. Eddie Murphy's got this big belly and everything, just like the real guy did. The movie is him doing terrible choreography and knocking people out. They bring on Wesley

Snipes to be their director because he's got some experience. He watches it and it's awful. They're like, what do you think? Another take? He's like, I don't think another take would benefit us in any way or anyone in any way really you think that looked real i think it i think it looked like you were trying real hard that that's that's all that matters the movie is an abomination but what rudy ray moore did i'm pretty sure that's to get the guy's name the real life character yeah rudy ray made the movie he like advertised his movies blues brothers style like riding through neighborhoods with megaphones come on out tonight the big rudy ray moore movie

showing tonight only it's showing every night you know five times a night or whatever tonight only and and like he like got people to come watch his movie and he got all the money because he produced it and filmed it himself with no permits or unions or anything. And like abandoned warehouses and all sorts of nonsense. This is funny.

Like I'm just scrubbing around. The entire movie is on YouTube. It's the best thing Eddie Murphy's made in decades well eddie murphy seems like he's been taking a break for a while right like i haven't seen him in much of any he's probably got more money than god so he doesn't care yeah he made all that really shitty comedy stuff like i don't know in the early 2000s like that pluto nash stuff and it seems like he was making so many of those nutty Professor movies. It was like, this stopped being funny after the first one, dude.

I did like the first one. Everybody liked the first one. It's good. It's a cool idea. And at first, it's funny. I like when he goes shopping at first. He's like, spandex! All spandex! Nothing but spandex! Eddie Murphy is so fit, even then. He's just in that spandex, like wearing nothing at all. You're like, man, he really is a skinny guy. Like I remember the old comedy special he did where he's wearing that red thing,

that like red jacket with nothing underneath it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember that. That's his best. Is that Raw? Yeah. Eddie Murphy Raw.

Yeah. Yeah. He's great. I love the Beverly Hills his best. Is that raw? Yeah. Eddie Murphy raw. Yeah. Yeah. He's great. I love the Beverly Hills cops. Shit. I liked, uh, the golden child.

Um, all that stuff. I've always liked Eddie Murphy. I like him too. I, I remember like, because of my age, our age,

like I knew him more as like a, a kid friendly actor before I like knew about Eddie Murphy raw stuff. And so like I knew about like daddy daycare. And then when I watched raw afterward, it was the same kind of thing as when I watched full house as a kid and then saw Bob Saget as an adult and was like, oh, oh, they should not allow him around the kids in that in that house. Like they already have they already have uh uncle wait uncle joe

uncle joey uncle jesse's the hot one uncle joey is the pedophile who lives in the basement and is bad at drums right that's right okay dave coulier dave coulier what a ghoul that character was just a weird name that is though like it's a sweet name that's's like French or something. I imagine him as a French-Canadian. He has that look about him. He even has that mullet. I bet he plays hockey. Oh, I guarantee that. Oh, I remember that came up on the show.

I bet if you Google Dave Coulier hockey, you can find a picture of him with a fucking, some gear under the cooker of his arm or a stick in his hand or something. Wait, was Dave coulier born in 1959 holy shit he has an elite prospects page elite prospects is like a page of stats that they use to like keep track of like young proficient hockey players and yeah that look about him i could see it i could see it dave coulier's weird little beady eyes that man

played hockey doesn't really have any stats here or anything. Ignore that. It's high school teams. Ignore that. I've already claimed victory. You've already claimed victory. You've already won victory. Yes.

Well, Dave Coulier, I don't remember that show. I'm sure it's pushing this. But I do remember at the time thinking it was odd. I didn't think it was that weird that Uncle Jesse was around because I liked him and I thought he was kind of cool. I didn't think it was that weird that Uncle Jesse was around because I liked him and I thought he was kind of cool. But Uncle Joey being around was like, he's the same age as Bob Saget and he doesn't have a family. He doesn't have his own place.

He doesn't have anything. He lives in the basement of a man who's a single father of four. It was just weird. It's a weird plot point to include. Why include that guy? He didn't really contribute that much. No, there you go. Dave Coulier skating around in a celebrity hockey match. Look at him.

You know who else was a celebrity hockey guy in these matches? Joey from Friends. Is his name Matt something? Matt LeBlanc. Matt LeBlanc, yeah. Another French-Canadian. He's another French-Canadian guy who you know he did friends and made all the money in the world but then he started doing top gear america which

i'm sure they threw a bunch of money at him to do that but good god what a terrible show i tried watching a couple episodes it's all it's worse than that after friends do you remember what his first show was right after joey joey yeah yeah i remember joey i didn't ever watch anything i didn't watch on like the second episode of joey like fucking rachel pops in like hey just visiting from new york now that you're in la and you're a big actor and everything just wanted to say hey and make sure we tied this in correctly everybody right you're gonna watch the show am i are we done it failed you know what do you remember um um who plays kramer his name's escaping me um michael richards michael richards do you remember his show right after uh i remember his really funny one in 2006 or seven that's his comedy special that you're such a fan of he was like a private investigator

or something I remember him having like I think he stuck with the pipe or something like that but he was like there was like a private investigator office setting with like you know maybe like a receptionist or somebody answering the call and he would like do the inspecting and there was a whole like cast built around that, I think.

And it did not make it through like maybe even the pilot. Like it didn't make it long at all. Was it called the Michael Richards show? No, there's no way they called it that. I thought it was called like Snoops or something like the detective of Bride Castle. snoops or something like like the detective of bry castle he like his imdb seinfeld an episode or in the movie david copperfield he had nine episodes of the michael richards show in 2000 a voice in the b movie because he's friends with seinfeld in 2007 curb your enthusiasm

two or three episodes in 2009 because he's friends with larry david and well that's in the 2013 episode yeah show called kirsty 12 episodes like he's done basically nothing since seinfeld which is fine because like you don't realize how old he is yeah yeah he was like 10 years older than the rest of them yeah he's 72 because i think uh yeah when seinfeld started uh he was 41 years old or something yeah and all the other ones i think elaine was like 28 at the time 29 or something she was in a prime yeah in a prime you know she's from like a ton of money right yeah she she's like like billionaire level wealth with her kind of an heiress yeah it's wild uh i guess they're all richard oh i saw this really good thing i'll link it to you somebody linked

it to me uh but it's it's jerry michael um it's jerry um who's the other the co-creator um from larry david larry david and uh and george jason alexander talking about the um the marine biologist the co-creator from Kirby. Larry David. Larry David and George, Jason Alexander, talking about the marine biologist, the closing scene. Yeah, yeah. They wrote that the night before, Jerry and Larry David did. And they go to Jason Alexander the day of, and they're like, we have this page of great dialogue, the story that you would tell.

Could you handle learning an entire page monologue like before lunch and jason adams was like oh yeah that's not a problem he used to do stage acting so it's like this is a thing he does he's a real good actor he's yeah so he's like he learns it and then they cut to jerry jerry's like and somehow he like did i think it's because he's one of those actors something that i really don't know how to do um he learned it before lunch and what you're seeing is a live rehearsal the first take the only take that was ever filmed it's done before in front of a live studio audience which episode is this it's the closing marine biologist story where george says i tell you it was if he was a foot he was 10 stories high and as the waves were crashing down upon me i could you know he like reaches into the whole story the whole bit that's

the first time he'd ever done it and jerry's like and if you look at me in that scene like i'm not acting i'm just nodding and and nodding because I'm hearing the lines in my own head because I wrote them the night before, and he nailed it so perfectly. And then when Michael Richards ends that bit with a cherry on top, right? He's the one who has to. He waits for the laugh to die down because the laugh is crazy. The audience is going wild, and it goes on for like five seconds and then michael richards is like is that a titleist he does it in like the like

that a titleist he's like oh and one uh what a great i had no idea that george did that in one take what a he's a one take first take only take yeah he's like we never went back to it we didn't do any pickups we didn't do any other angles we never read those lines again that was it I think like for a show like Seinfeld to be as iconic as it is like you need particularly George and Kramer. Like Seinfeld himself is a terrible actor.

In every episode, he's just kind of standing. He's delivering funny lines and he writes funny lines for other people, but he himself is not the bastion of humor on the show. It's George, Elaine to a lesser extent, and then Kramer. And getting Michael Richards, who literally is Kramer, like he does physical comedy in that way

better than anyone I've ever seen. And George, the most neurotic, the most believable neurotic person you could ever come across, just kills it. I need to rewatch Seinfeld again. I just did like five months ago. I'll do it again. I love it. Woody, you are muted, my friend.

That explains why you guys talk. How angry were you before three seconds ago angry like i i don't know sometimes when someone doesn't give like receive the floor it means they think they've got material you know and then let it happen but anyway um they were talking to seinfeld about doing a reunion episode they were asking him like hey you know what do you he's like everybody wants to see another episode of seinfeld he. He's like, yeah, this is my theory on Hollywood. I don't give people what they want. I want you to want another episode of Seinfeld. I have you where I want you. And

that's where I'm keeping you. There will be no more. I want you wanting more. I've nailed it. And I'm like, oh, that he's literally telling me he just wants me to have unsatisfied desire okay then because it's it's a binary you have to be in a it's a binary state you either are left wanting more or you're left having had too much. Yes, and he knows that. And I definitely thought it was clever, but it was one of the few times you see a guy in charge not customer-centric. Well, they did do the thing on the Larry David show, right? Did you see the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode

where they did the reunion? Oh, yeah. I didn't see it, but I think I heard him talk about it. So the premise is this. It's that Larryry david want in the show his character is divorced wants to get back with his wife the nbc executives have come to him every year saying hey would you do that reunion episode for us here's the here's the basket of money from last year but with this much more on top. And every year he just says no because he's a billionaire. Well, his wife, he thinks, would be perfectly

cast in the show as Jerry's wife or George's ex-wife or something like that. He wants to cast his ex-wife so he can get back together with her. So he uses this little button that he has with NBC. He's like, oh yeah, you wanted that reunion show, right? They're like, of course we do. We'll move heaven and earth. And he's like, move it. And they start, and so they do it. And it's sort of a getting the band back together where he has these lunch meetings with each of them in succession. And he's telling them lies and

they're not paying attention. So they're not really even sure what they're agreeing to, but they all end up back together making the show michael um uh jason alexander gets pissed off and larry david's solution is you know what fuck him because he's been getting a little bit too close to his ex-wife he thinks they actually might have a little chemistry going he's like fuck him we don't need jason alexander for the reunion i'll play george they're like you cannot play george it's like show up at lunch we're gonna read through it i'm gonna play george and then you decide and so they do they like for a part of the show like like he just comes in and reads his george and it's pretty fucking good it's a good episode they talked to seinfeld about it and he

had a pretty good line he's like you know you did a reunion episode but it wasn't the reunion episode people wanted he's like oh yeah yeah we didn't do the thing where we make a show that disappoints you and everyone comments on how old everyone got we didn't want to make that show smart like very high iq move like he like the way he said it i have you where i want you you're you're begging for more of this classic show. What am I going to do? Jeopardize the legacy of this show, which is universally seen as one of the top shows, top comedy shows of all time, like top comedy shows of all time.

I'm fucking with you. Yeah. No, no, it's a top show. Seinfeld is fucking magical. It's incredible. What was I going to say?

Oh, yeah. And the way he described what a reunion show is a disappointing look at everyone who got older and fatter yeah that's what it would be right who doesn't get older and fatter that's welcome to earth it's absurd yeah the idea of one no he nailed it he nailed it it's done um done. Larry David keeps making episodes, though. I haven't started this newest season, but Larry David is so old, and he's still killing it in his own show.

I got to catch up on this season. Last season was really good. It had Jon Hamm in it. Oh, from Mad Men. Yeah, yeah. Does he still look good? Because a lot of his role is based on being that handsome leading man. You know, he plays himself on the Larry David show.

And they kind of play up the fact that it's like, you know, he's kind of a big movie star, Jon Hamm is, to some extent. Like, everybody knows who Jon Hamm is. And Larry David just kind of shows up and he's like, Larry, you're late for dinner. And you brought someone. Who's this? He's like, oh, this is Jon Hamm, you know, the actor. He's like, hey, you're late for dinner. And you brought someone. Who's this? He's like, oh, this is Jon Hamm, the actor. He's like, hey, I'm Jon Hamm. I'm the actor. And he's just there awkwardly

at a dinner they have. It's really funny. I love that show. The Spike story is one of the funniest bits of all time. Is it on HBO Go? Yeah. So. Oh, that's right. we don't have that channel i can't afford hbo well i'm i'm sure that like on your plex server where where you do stuff like it'll magically appear

it probably is there and that that gentleman watches the show and if we i'm sure we've mentioned um what is the, the Larry David show? Curb Your Enthusiasm. Curb Your Enthusiasm, thank you. He watches PKA, and if we talk about a show, he puts it on the Plex server. He really should invite me to this Plex server because I pay somewhere between $50,000 and $6,000 a month

for my entertainment. I will warn you that in the last year, I think he has too many people on it. First of all, you need a host server. Restart this whole thing. This is like when I talk about when I get a new debit card occasionally and the shit I don't need falls

off. That's how these extra people that you've got on your plex are going to fall off. Me, Woody, and you, we're a lot tighter than whoever there's other people. Yeah, I don't know who these other moms are. What has your mom

ever done for you? I haven't seen her in a while. So you want to get me and Woody in there yourself of course. Wouldn't want to cut you out of this. Unless there's only room for two. If it's a two-seater, you know,

what, I'm going to leave Woody behind? I need you to set things up and hand over the passwords, the keys, whatever. I literally watch shows outside of primetime now. It's like after midnight. I bet I could watch my show without buffering now. That's the experience that we have now. Well, that's no good, dude. We've got to fix that. You hear Woody's having an issue here it's like after midnight. I bet I could watch my show without buffering now. Like, that's the experience that we have now.

Well, that's no good, dude. We got to fix that. You hear Woody's having an issue here with your Plex server. He's a non-paying customer. Right? He's a wake-up. If you will. Like, 7.30 a.m.

I'm like, ooh, I'm going to catch some euphoria. Dude, Woody's up early trying to catch his child porn, and it's all blurred. We're going to have to fix this shit. I want you to watch it for me. It's pretty funny. I refuse to watch it. Those actors are older, maybe. I won't even play video games

with people who are under the age of 21. I stay away from those people. That's the safer move. Yeah, yeah. What was I going to say? oh oh i've been waiting for a no guest episode to show my christmas present for two months now let's do it zach can i have the camera hey he did it he did it this is what i got for Christmas. It is a box. I asked her like hey, I have all these knives to store and such

and I was like I want think jewelry box. Think something that's sort of easy to open and close and like as opposed to on the wall that I can actually get my stuff out and this is what she got. Check this out. The Spline

Joinery. It's well-made. The glass top seats. Look at that. It's constructed. It looks great. Yeah, it was a really good present. And those are more the collector, enjoyer

knives, not really daily or often used. It was kind of the point was, so online, people wake up in the morning and decide how they're going to do their everyday carry they're like all right today i think i'll grab this little guy because i'm wearing fancy pants or you know i've got my skinny jeans on ah today is a construction day i'm gonna grab this bigger heartier pet multi-tool or whatever and my multi-tools are like buried in junk drawers. And I'm like,

eh, you know, like, I think I even, um, some of the new ones like this, this one I have duplicates of, cause I didn't know I had it already. We have a storage problem.

So, uh, um, so I was like, yeah, it'd be, it's not that they're necessarily storage or like, don't want,

I just wanted them available. I wanted them. I want to be able to see what I had. If you're going to cut somebody,'t, I just wanted them available. I wanted them. I want to be able to see what I had. You're going to cut somebody. You want to be able to get it the right tool. Are you, are you keeping it like on your nightstand or your bathroom or your dresser?

Yeah. It's on my dresser. Yeah. And I don't change my tools that much, but I like that. I can, or every so often, like a lot of,

so multi-tools have a nice knife but not as nice as a knife yeah just a knife and every so often I'll have like a knife job and I can go and get my knife knife I have the same I don't know what brand of knife it is but it sits on

the little like glass table in the foyer of my house like when you walk in and it's only there for amazon it's an amazon box and package knife and like every once in a while it'll go missing and like i'll be yelling at my wife like where's the amazon knife i've said that's the one this i like knives that open differently here i have shown oh i know you like more you love the novelty of knives yeah yeah so this is a it takes a little practice to open it sideways, but once you get the knack for it, it's cool, right?

Is it actually like locked and secure? Is that more like the coolness of the mechanism? Yeah, no, it does. So it's locked now and then you open it and it snaps in and it's locked again. Oh, neat. Unlocked. Glad you didn't cut yourself. Me too. Yeah, shit happens. But that's more of a fun one, right? in to unlock glad you didn't cut yourself me too yeah

but that's more of a fun one right well I mean it's a working knife but I will agree that it's not like the most practical way to open it oh I know I just mean like no shame or anything I was just like it's neat that like it's got a cool mechanism

a unique one that looks more is that a pen too so it is a flashlight oh nice and uh it up here you have a little screwdriver but what's cool is it opens this way ah that opens and closes so what's that called a full tang right it goes all the way through the initial handle so it's more secure is that right yeah it is it is a full tank knife wow look at you so anyway i really just bought it because it's different than my other ones and i get sucked into knives that have like a different that is like that that knife you just held up and we're

messing with is the ultimate get through airport security with a knife knife i bought so i have a lot of multi-tools and they are of like sort of this kind of form factor right you open it up and there's like pliers in the middle and this is what they look like i don't love this particular one. And then the knives. Sometimes the knives are on the inside, so you have to open it first, which isn't my favorite. And sometimes the knives are on the outside, like the one that's earned its way into my pocket. It should be on the outside, right? Right, right.

So that way when I want a knife, I can get to it that easily and open a box. I don't like it when I have to open the middle to get to the knife. Okay, cool. in a box. I don't like it when I have to open the middle to get to the knife. Okay, cool. Then I found this Swiss Army knife that looks like

this. That looks like an iPod Mini. It's got so many fucking knives in my knife. I don't even know them all. Hold on a second. Can you pull everything out at the same time?

I don't know. I don't even know if you could get your fingers in because there's so much shit. It has a magnifying glass. Dude, that is no shit twice as broad as the largest Swiss Army knife I've ever seen. What's in there? Big flat head, little flat head bottle opener a bottle opener b uh little phillips head but wait wait there's a cool one coming up i'm trying to get this shit i mean honestly here it is here it is wait wait look fuck it has pliers how cool is it the hardiest of pliers this one has spring-loaded pliers you know you have to get one that's this form factor to have pliers

you could have pliers that like might be useful i mean those pliers are retarded but the uh the little phillips head that's actually useful that's actually very useful like scissors and i'll tell you even though these scissors might look retarded they they do come in useful i i think i have a swiss army knife around here with those scissors yes i do it's right here just an old red swiss swimming knife and it has these scissors and i remember once like i had a letter i wanted to open with the scissors just to try these are the worst scissors on earth they can't cut any it'd be better to just try and intimidate the box into opening than these scissors are they're terrible i use them on threads look at this knives i used to think files were useless.

I'm like, why do I need a file? When am I ever going to break out of prison? I don't even smoke pot, but the files are useful for maintaining my fingernails. Like they get a little long on the edges first. I like mine short. And I just,

I take the, take the fingernails down. Just, just manufacturing uses for all. That's a real use. I don't know what this is you see this thing it's not sharp it looks like a saw but it cuts like not quite as well as a butter knife i don't i don't know what the point is what's that what's that little thing on the end of it it's got two prongs i nose picker i? I can only assume. I have no idea. And then this is actually a sharp saw. That's the saw.

I wish I should have brought a multi-tool that had a saw to Mexico because I drape my tree over every thorn bush in Mexico. I'm sorry. I drape my wing. If there's like a middle ground between that Swiss Army knife and this normal Swiss Army knife, that's the way to go because there's a lot of bullshit on that. Like that not sharp saw. What the hell is that? Someone explain that one to me. I don't know.

But I'll tell you what's not bullshit. The magnifying glass is kind of nice. If you ever want to know how many calories are in your Red Hot, the print's so damn small, you need a magnifying glass. I've still got this knife. Oh, Frank's Red Hot? Remember when we were sponsored by that knife company and we got these oh the shape of this thing you got carambit

no no we all got carambits because this was a company that sponsored us years oh yeah they took mine away oh that sucks do you remember that that was like the most wild sponsor thing of any we've ever had because they were like yeah go on go on our website and pick out, I don't know, nine knives each. And I was like, what? Really? Like just nine of anything? I was picking duplicates of like different designs. At first, you're like, oh, my God, nine knives.

I'm so excited. You pick like your favorite, your second favorite, your third favorite. By the time I'm at the end, I'm like, maybe I only need like six knives. You know what I did? By the time I'm at the end, I'm like, maybe I only need six knives. You know what I did? What I must have done? I think I told them to give me nine of the same knife because I didn't care for any of their knives.

You fucking idiot. And I gave them away because I had a Karambit, but it wasn't that one. Mine was from a video game. It was from CS, this company that made all these CS knives. I didn't know this was called a Karambit. I've heard that before but i i wouldn't have been able to say it i like the shape of it so for the first time in many many many years with my wife a few nights ago we re-watched jurassic park yeah and like it must have been the first time since i was an adult that i've watched the original jurassic park ever because I watched it a lot as a kid.

I really enjoyed it in the 90s. And I saw that I saw that scene that I remembered of what is the main actor, the main guy, Sam Neill, Sam Neill. I love that guy. Sam Neill is in that kind of desert area in the in the beginning looking for bones and sweeping and everything. And he's talking about the Velociraptor because he has the biggest heart on for the Velociraptor. And that shitty little kid is like, that's just a big turkey. And then I used to think that Sam Neill going over there with the raptor claw and scaring that kid was cool.

And then I rewatched it as an adult and was like, going over to a child talking about dinosaurs and being like, you know what? This thing would fucking do to you. It would tear you open. It'd spill your intestines out. He said that. He said, this would spill your intestines out. This would fuck you up so much, you little

bitch. It'd make you wish I would rape you. Is there a handle on that? Is it around your finger sideways? I was holding it like the handles the handles here i was holding it yeah i was trying to hold it like the raptor claw but like watching that as an adult i'm like man that is really not a chill way to handle it so actively i thought it was like grass knuckles around the side can i show you one more? Yeah, yeah. I'm excited. Quickly about Jurassic Park, that seems important

because it's about his character's growth, right? Sam Neill in the beginning is the type of guy who threatens children and frightens them. Yes. At the end, he has a child under each arm and he's protecting them, right? I understand the character development. It's just funny to start from such a horrible space as threatening to debowel a child.

Disembowel. Disembowel. All right. I don't think Taylor's pro disemboweling children like he should be. He should be. See those knives waiting on board? Yeah. This one.

Taylor said that's the ultimate get through airport security. This is the ultimate. Look, it has pliers. You can see that. The Dinklage special. What, are you going to sneak on the plane and fix their seat? You don't know what you'll need to fix. That's the point of everyday carry.

You got an extra thread on your sweater? Huh? I got scissors for you, bitch. That's my nipple. Oh, God. And then there's one more thing. You mean I don't have to just pull on threads until my sweater dissolves? I have a file and a screwdriver for your fingernails and your screwing needs.

And then last but not least, I have a little in here. Tweezers. Huh? Huh? Huh? Okay, I actually like that. That's a good splinter solution. Oh, it's a half-decent splinter solution. But the point is, there's no knife on this.

You can keep this in your pocket on the airplane. I want to know what is your... Take that or I'll pinch the shit out of you. It'll make a blood blister. You couldn't believe we must return to Burbank he has scissors weapons to me I guess they could be weapons

also we're coming back there's a passenger with a mean pair of pliers and he has pinched up Martha something fierce oh I know this one this is one of my favorites yeah it's the cool one it's cool because you can like the up action isn favorites. Yeah, it's the cool. It's cool because you can like the up

action isn't the cool part. It's the down action like snapping it back in because like there's tons of knives that you pull that little flick thing and it goes quick. Yeah, the down back part like a like a lightsaber is very cool. Oh shit. What is the I want to know what's the the most

expensive knife you have like it might be this one. I think it was 400 something. Oh, shit. Do you use it often or is it just a fun novelty? I almost never use it. So like Dirty has my address because he had to mail me that. Yeah, because you made a bad

decision. That fired me. And he was telling me a couple weeks ago, he's like, oh yeah, yeah, we were going to mail you, we were all going to chip in and mail you a Batleth for Christmas, but somebody said you'd be mad if we mailed it to you.

A Batleth? So the Batleth is a Klingon weapon, and it's pretty cool. It's like a big arch thing. It would be broader than even your shoulder. But I don't know if you can mail one to kyle i'm not yeah yeah i can't i can i can have blades now and black okay okay would you say after i can have blades now oh i've seen these things these are cool more or less in any case um they were like oh yeah we're gonna mail you one but somebody said you'd be mad if we mailed you something. I was like,

you're going to send me a $600 Star Trek sword and you thought I'd be mad. If you want to make someone mad, send it to me to forward to him. That would be a bad idea. That would actually make me upset. No, that Batleth looked cool. I literally said a year

ago when I was still on probation, hey, next Christmas, Batleth. Anybody's listening. Didn't get you get a bat left nobody gave me a fucking it's been a while i mean you talk about on christmas not even like giving gifts to like parents like back and forth like you just don't do it no i don't know i didn't expect them to give me a bat left well there's a lot of different bat lists it's not just just one. Yeah, I want the good one. It's like $500 or $600. Are you on Etsy? No, I'm on Google Image Search. I don't like this one. See this shiny one?

That's bullshit. No Klingon warrior would go into battle with that gaudy piece of shit. To even put it on the screen, Zach, take it off. Take it off. And that blade is clearly not sharp. I'm joking. Only some kind of Cardassian patah would go into battle with that. Okay, Kyle, you send a link of one that you would think was tight,

and then he'll put it up there. There's one on Etsy that I saw before that looks pretty good. Would you sharpen it and practice? Oh, you definitely want it sharp. Oh, yeah, see, that $180 one doesn't look too bad, but it's $180, so that's kind of a turn off is fighting like this so it's more you know so yeah yeah are you you're grabbing both of the far sides not the middle side but sometimes you go single-handed but i imagine that like then

you're like blocking and then you swing it out with the yeah or like some of those you know a little uppercut blade yeah Yeah, lots of uppercuts. Yeah. You know how I know that's not a great weapon? It's because the rest of the world converged on swords independently. Well, they also used swords. The entire world realized swords were better on their own. Well, there's also spears and pole axes and hammers and all sorts of other things.

What's the name of that military that had a lot of success with the Batleth? Well, there's a lot of those big curvy blades, right? That's kind of close. Yeah, scimitar is a type of sword. Yeah. A scimitar? See? These things are not practical.

Kyle, if you want to be practical, you need to become a weeb and get a katana. First of all, Taylor, it's pronounced senator and each state has no no actually actually it's called a centaur and see that is the melding of a man a man and a bee have you ever seen that funny comic of a centaur? This is like old internet where it was like a centaur in the woods and there's like a damsel out there. She's like, oh, centaur. And then it shows like the explicit comic and like he has just a human dick on the front. Like he doesn't have a dick and she leaves.

It was a funny old school comment. I remember seeing that on Albino Black Sheep in 2004 and being like, that's so funny. That's so peak. 13-year-old me knows what's funny. Did you guys ever do shit?

Well, Woody didn't, but Kyle, you were in high school when I was in middle school when AOL Instant Messenger was a huge thing. Did you use that at all to hit on girls and shit? No, I didn't have many friends on there. I think I missed that train when I was homeschooled in middle school and nobody invited me. I was reading about it on Reddit. So I used AOL at Cisco, but it wasn't nearly as fun as you're talking about.

But guys were like, oh, those were the days. People would masturbate together over AOL as strangers. Oh, I never did that. I didn't know. I mean, I would assume so, though. If only I didn't know. Yeah. High school me would have really liked that experience.

But high school you was late 80s, early 90s. So no. Yeah, I graduated in 91. Maybe a fax machine. That's how I keep our ages separately. You graduated in 91. I was born in 91. That's how I keep the math.

And then Kyle. Kyle's five years older than me. Yep. Yep. Graduated in 2004. And I'm an 09 boy. And you'll be. You're coming up uh on 36 36 36 that's how

old i was when i started youtube it's time for you to start youtube again kyle go straight back to klm5986 and just continue the dead Space Let's Play. Dude, that would be good. That would no lie. Dead Space 2, episode 27. And I just pick it up from the old save. I find it. I'm just like, all right, well.

I'm sorry about that. My last save, January 2012. All right, let's head down this corridor and see what we find I don't know about you but I don't I hope Isaac makes it out of this one that would be funny because I remember that would be funny I didn't watch anybody's

let's plays or anything I always thought of it as like well you're going to fucking ruin the game for me if I ever decide to play this because I'm going to see all your decisions and then I'll know which one is the right one before i even play but i remember watching your dead space let's plays the uh the first one dead space one not dead space two so these are probably this is probably 2010 content watching that shit and it was great that was a great let's play game because it genuinely did startle people like it was scary

if if someone could fake it if they played it before but if you played dead space one or two through and you're a true virgin to it you will get spooked turn the lights off turn the plate it before though i think i had played it before before i did the let's play um and uh but but but then your acting was on point well i wasn't acting that game scares the fuck out of me. Like I'm just afraid of that game. Like I get invested in games and they really do scare me. Sometimes Dead Space was one that has this real like it made me sick to my stomach and like like unsettled and like like like I couldn't eat that night after the first night of playing it because I tried to be. I used to always try to beat it.

I used to always try to beat a game in one sitting like a single player game. Jesus Christ. And usually that would take – like the Halo games take like 12 or 15 hours or something. So you can do that. But I don't know how long I've been playing, but it was like 3 or 4 in the morning. And I just remember being in that elevator covered in gore. And it's like going down to a place where I'm almost certainly going to die. And I'm just looking.

I don't have hardly like hardly enough ammo i think i'm just like oh man i've got enough for like the first bad guy and then maybe the second then what do i do if they hit me once i'm gonna die and like then this little girl's voice comes over and starts singing to you in the elevator and the elevators making elevator noises but she's going twinkle twinkle little star and i was like god fucking pause yeah fucking pause like like i that that's the only game that really fucked with me that much it really did scare me do you remember uh the scene that stuck with me it was from dead space 2 i think where yeah you're walking past the nursery and it's a woman in there a normal uninfected woman and then like one of those ghoulish tadpole uh things that looks like kind of like a baby

and like the scene like makes you stop there and like look in the window of it and it's this woman being like it's okay it's okay little guy come here we'll take care of you and it's this little like like screaming ghoul of a baby like this homunculus and then as soon as she grabs it and it's like there there it goes and then explodes and like all the gore comes on and it's her and the baby's gore and it was like this is that was the most brutal thing i'd seen the video game up to that point the only thing thing that came close was not as far as brutal. I should say, because I replayed this mission. It was kind of, you know, I don't want to say a fun time, but, you know, remember the airport? Remember the airport?

That was fucking dark. Remember, no Russian. And then you just start spraying bullets at people who are putting who are taking their shoes off the fucking airport they're doing that thing like when a cat tries to run on hardwood i remember like walking past a guy who was like doing that animation where he's not dead yet he's like and i was like i'm like right by a sharper image. And I'm like, you're going to make it. I'm not going to kill you. And then fucking Sergei's like, just beginning of that level. The guy's like, hey, no rushing. And then you can't run.

I'm like, is that what he meant? We have to walk slow the whole fucking time. No Russian. We're taking our time. I didn't think about that. It's funny. That was. do you remember there was a uh that came out so long ago patrice o'neill was still alive and he went on opie and

anthony and there's a video of patrice talking about his experience playing the airport level there and patrice was such a fucking funny individual like you'll i won't ruin it but he was like it's very funny so check out opie and anthony patrice the airport level he's not a gamer and he's talking about how horrific it was he's like and i'm walking through i'm not shooting anybody and they're mowing down all the motherfuckers at the airport and i'm like i'm not involved with this there was so patrice was was one taken far too soon he would be making hilarious shit tonight actually he would have been can't he would have been uh patrice would have been killed a million percent or not killed canceled a million percent by now but uh woody though oh for sure he said wild i've listened to agree to being canceled.

No, that's not how it works. If someone takes away your access to YouTube, Twitter, PayPal, Stripe, Facebook. So like so like what? Like, this is a good example. Like you, you can't just choose to not be canceled. Let's say 2012. You're in the the heat of your uploading and you're making your money. YouTube deletes your account.

Instagram won't let you post their facebook deletes your account paypal no longer allows you to access those payment methods that happens 2012 you're not a millionaire today in the way you are having a keemstar like 12 times and he's still a millionaire no he's still on twitter he has he has youtube content he actually still had twitter but he had to restart his YouTube channel. I said 12 times. I'm probably exaggerating, but I bet it's six. Maybe, but like the whole like you have to agree to be canceled. It's like, no, not at all.

If you are an online personality. Well, hold on. Let me get like if you're an online personality and your entire livelihood depends on using YouTube, Facebook, Google, Instagram, Twitter, all of those things in order to build an audience and all of those things remove your ability to be on those platforms. And then if something like PayPal comes in and says you can no longer use our platform, like you're all but done, like you're fucked. I think you're right. There was a time when i felt like what i said was right like donald trump just didn't agree to be canceled now he's off all those platforms i hear you but for a long time he would just fucking keep going um al franken did the opposite right he's a senator he got caught practically touching that boob or something on the vest, and he quit his job.

If you just went the way that so many other politicians went and just decided not to quit, wait a little bit, then you would have waited it out. Wasn't there a governor in Virginia or something who was just like, come and get me? i mean look at look at uh justin trudeau the governor in virginia like as long as you are as long as you have the right positions on everything else you can skirt by with certain things but if like uh i don't know if who's like a big republican senator right now i don't even mitch mcconnell if it came out that mitch mcconnell wore blackface like that would be a way bigger deal and it would be hammered on more than if the Virginia guy did. Of course. Of course. Would he step down? Do you think his constituency? No, of course not. Mitch McConnell is a piece of shit. He wouldn't step down.

Yeah, he would do what I think what he was alluding to. And there is a difference between being an individual citizen. Well, hold on real quick, Kyle. an individual citizen being canceled um well hold on real quick kyle there isn't a difference between being an independent citizen being canceled by big tech versus being a political citizen a a senator who can effectively just wait until the the the noise dies down because a sitting senator unless they're saying like shit that is truly anti-status quo like trump was doing for a while like they're not going to get removed. They're going to be fine on all the major platforms.

They'll be okay. They just have to get through the media blowback. Whereas an individual talking about politics, any number of those services can shut them down. There's a thing happening in politics now that's sort of related. So Madison Cawthorn is a member of the House of Representatives. That's the federal one. I know you know, but that's the federal one where

there's 435 of them, etc. All right. He's from North Carolina. He's the dude in a wheelchair. He's good looking. Oh, yeah. And he is a real he's like the next gen Trump. Right. You know, he's always talking about the insurrection, those heroes,

the wheelchair. Is that what you said? A wheelchair? Yeah, he is. The next gen those heroes, the wheelchair. Is that what you said? A wheelchair? Yeah, he is. The next gen Trump's in a wheelchair. Yes. Cool.

And he's, he's, he partners up with Marjorie Taylor green. He went on this like tour with her pretty much. She's great. And he just hands out red meat to the kind of people who like to hear that the election was stolen, that the people who took over the um congress were heroes and that we need to leave them alone like that this guy's only 26 yes yeah 26 no college um really no life experience before was he was he paralyzed from like a military thing no um he got into a car accident i think it involved

drinking but i'm not positive about that was he doing he said he said that his friend abandoned him and he had to self-rescue from a burning vehicle and his friend is like what the fuck i saved your life why are you talking about me like that? And he's like, all right. Well, okay. Actually, that is the truth. Oh, shit. Well, what an asshole to his friend. Yeah, yeah.

All right. So anyway, there are people that don't want him to run again. And there's redistricting happening anyway having to do with the census. I think Northolina might be gaining a seat so they're redoing the lines and they're trying to get rid of his district so he needs to go somewhere else well he's going to do that so now he's going to win probably in this red area of purple state i guess but it's a really red area. So he's going to win. And they're trying to prevent him from running by saying he violated the, I think 14th amendment, which basically says that, like, if you've ever been an enemy of America, if you've tried to start a civil war, you can't,

you can't run. Okay. Okay. So when I first heard it, I'm like, and they want to use the same rule against Trump. I'm like, maybe they're onto something. Because if you hear what he says, to my ears, he sounds guilty of this. Like, he's legitimately saying we should take over America. We should fight. We should. He rallies people against his fellow House of Rep and senators with violent talk. Like, he's the.

What does he say that's violent? I want to get the quotes right i don't want to misquote him but he'll definitely say shit like you know involving fire and burning shit down and the buildings and like it's pretty irresponsible for someone in his position and uh at first i heard it i was like yeah they should stop him from running he's really using his platform he can't run well played for for civil war but then i heard another guy a reporter who was like you know you don't take away a person's right to vote lightly this is the will of the people we're talking about here and it's like ah strong point

strong point you know if if the people in that area want him to be their representative then i guess they should be able to have him well not i guess they should if that's really up to us then then it shouldn't be up to us and so little like meandering like well you shouldn't be able to run yeah i don't like that it doesn't sound like i agree with this guy sounds like a pretty cool guy but i i'm on his wikipedia page right now this this guy is like a very attractive man yeah he's got like is that your first i'm shocked that that's your take like i gotta say that this pretty man that you're oh he's attractive this undeniably. Here, there's a photo. Look at this guy.

Captain America over here. He looks like he's the strong jaw, the blue eyes, the nice hair. They made that psycho in a fucking lab somewhere. That's a fucking Nazi plant. It's a fucking Nazi plant. Is that Tom Brady? Yeah, he looks like Tom Brady. lab somewhere that's a fucking nazi plant it's a fucking nazi plant is that tom brady

yeah he looks like tom brady he looks like a more hunky tom brady i don't think he's that looks like a military uniform that's actually a good comparison hunting tom brady especially in this picture you can you can see it that's a good i'll say this though bitch he skips leg day he tells the story of how he was going to go to the naval academy but he had this horrific accident as an anchor the thing is he got rejected from the naval academy before he got hurt but he tells us he just changes the order is like's like, I wanted to go to the Naval Academy and I got hurt. And it allows you to draw that connection. So he's doing something

that no politician has ever done before. They're trying to take credit for things they haven't done. Curious. He calls the rioters on January 6th political prisoners and warns of bloodshed. Warns of bloodshed about what?

Is that a red, white, and blue wheelchair? If our elections continue to be rigged and continue to be stolen, then it's going to lead to one place, and that's bloodshed. I'll tell you, as much as I'm willing to defend liberty at all costs, there's nothing I would dread doing more than to pick up arms

against fellow Americans. You know what's really easy to do is to talk big about that when you're already in a wheelchair. Because he's not, in his imagined reality, he's not the guy wheeling on the front lines. Right.

He's the guy in the back like, hey, good day! They should come to him like, sir, we built you, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

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like, like, like one approaches you from the side so these blades will just chop them in half and then you've got rockets up here no no none of this dude if this guy if this guy could walk he would be tearing it up for sure like i bet he'd be way more popular if he could walk maybe so i'm from north carolina he dominates my um vision i don't know how to say it better like he's huge in my universe yeah maybe he's nothing in my universe yeah maybe he's nothing in my universe how far away or do you think we are from some sort of mech suit that would allow him to not only walk among us but indeed to overpower us at will hopefully not too close because he's a very good issue we can do that why do you you strap him in a mech suit

like he's the best looking man in america and now he has robot legs and he's and look when i say mech suit i'm not even like talking about something that's like like crazy like like remember um edge of tomorrow like a reasonable mech suit oh that was reasonable kind of a kind of a business cash like a crazy mech suit but you know when spider-man says instant kill and all the legs come out just tapping everyone i love that part those movies are good um no no no like god damn it i lost my train of thought a crazy mech suit for madison cawthorne but not oh no no from the cruise movie with the aliens. Like a mech suit like that.

Look, why don't we have something basic so he can just kind of walk around? Even if he's kind of like, don't, don't, don't, don't. Well, because it's not like he still has movement. You could strap blade legs on him and that might look neat, but he can't use them. No, no, no, no, no. Look at how little his fucking crippled legs are, man. No, no he you actuate them with other muscles like like whatever he does have access i

feel like he should be operating a joystick that works his legs and as a gamer you know how fucking good you can get at something when you put enough effort into it a guitar hero shouldn't be possible but those people do it i mean he can work he can fucking get legs to go probably he needs a fucking mech suit is all i'm saying it'd be sick and at the very least you'll be president with a mix if we if we give madison cost he's going to be too powerful to stop i choose to believe that he's taller than his competitor wait oh. I bet this dude was like 6'4". Like Rise of a Fallen People suit.

Yeah. How long is he? That's bad. That's so ableist. First of all, two gay points for you using the term ableist to kyle great joke like he's a fish they put him on top of a cooler uh sorry madison don't when you get your mech legs don't take vengeance on us

fuck it his wikipedia page doesn't list his height we're fucking allies brother oh no he's 5 wait no 5'6 sitting down how big was this dude holy shit

5'6 no sitting down that can't be true because look at his legs he doesn't look like a little person in that in that i bet he was five six for all we know that wheelchair has done him a favor edison it's removed his height disadvantage pre-accident let's see what do we have here this guy is stupidly good looking. He's worth $18 million? I'd still

prefer to walk. How did he make his fortune? I don't know. I choose to believe it was the settlement. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. This guy is not 5'6". This guy is way taller than me. You think?

I'm looking at photos of him using his arms to stand up on those standing things and he's bigger than the people around him. Let me try and find a better one. I would at least want some sort of puppeteering sort of thing going on, like a marionette.

I'd want... I just want to be upright. I don't want to be in that chair all the time. Give me standing up some. This site says he's 5'7". Yeah, that's when he sits down. And it says his net worth is $1.5 million. That's pretty off. That's not even what that other website

says. Sounds like some fucking liberal propaganda to me. It sounds to me like the internet doesn't have their shit together. One site says $18 million. The other site says $1. That's a pretty big spread. How much money he has in rubles? I don't know. How many

rubles do you need to be rich? Like 10% I think. Something like that. If Tarkov's any measure. Yeah, I'm sure Tarkov keeps just in line with the ruble to dollar. I think they do. They used to keep the bitcoin along with the ruble to dollar they i think they do they've used i don't know they used to keep the bitcoin like like along with the market and it was like it was pretty interesting

they used to keep the weather along with moscow yeah and then it rained in moscow for like two fucking months and i wanted to quit the goddamn game did you play at that time yes i remember like like weeks of rain. It was horrific. And rain in that game is punishing. It's like in your headset, it's just... It's rain pouring noises. Like the white noise that puts you to sleep.

I like that noise. I think you played Tarkov about three months maybe before I played the first time. Possible. Yeah, it must have been in that gap. To me, I only heard the stories of it raining for weeks. Rain is an interesting change of pace for non-players in the game, but an hour later, you're done with the rain in your ears and you can't hear footsteps properly. You can't see very far. It sucks. Yeah, it's not a fun way to play the game. I've been having a great time on the game.

Just having so much fun. It's a really good wipe. The changes they made are excellent. VoIP makes for such a cool experience. Every game you have interactions with other people, and they're always different. Sometimes I show mercy. Sometimes I negotiate.

Sometimes I lie. Sometimes I tell the truth. It's always different, and it's just hilarious results people will just believe you they just believe you when you tell them a thing it like if you just say with with with no bitch in your voice yeah come out i won't shoot they'll come right the fuck out they'll just walk right up to you and of course course, of course I'll shoot. I've got, what's what I'm fucking here for. I spent 30 minutes figuring out what kind of gun to bring here to shoot you.

And you think I won't shoot you? I got special bullets in it. Like, what are you talking about? I crafted these myself. So I'm not going to shoot you. It's not Tarkov, but we were talking about Madisonison cawthorne

being potentially the best looking in the face in the face region you know for for guys in congress i can't think of this guy or girl who rivals him do you have one no no i i think he's probably the best looking person in that in that area i was also i was looking for the ugliest. Do you know who Jerry Nadler is? I know the name. I'm going to look him up. I'm going to recognize him. He's the representative from New York.

He is 5'3 and bulbous. He is a bulbous man. He pulls his pants up liberally. Oh my goodness. You look like a...

I've seen Jerry Nadler a lot. Looking at him right there, he's not fit, but you don't know what he's packing. That's his best angle. Can I ask you this real quick? Why does he look fake? He looks like

a cardboard cutout of a human being. You know what he looks like? He's one of the banker goblins from Harry Potter. Take an image of this guy before Zach goes over to... Kyle, you don't know what this guy looks like. I don't know.

Oh, yeah. He's a round man. Oh, he's bulbous. Look at that. Look at that belt. His face says size 38. Zach, put the one I just put out there up. Okay.

This is Gerald Nadler. Yeah, see? He's 5'2". And look at his pants. And look at his shoes when the picture comes up. Look at how much height he's trying to add from shoes. Look at those shoes. He looks like an Oompa Loompa.

Oompa Loompa. I have weightlifting shoes. If people aren't familiar with weightlifting shoes, they're unique in that the soles are really hard. They're almost wooden. And when you walk in them, you're so stable. Anything else feels like walking in marshmallows. Also, the soles are kind of wedges in my weightlifting shoes.

And I guess people with mobility or something, they squat better when their heels are a little higher. Some people like to step on weights. I have these shoes. In these shoes, I am Colin's height. I'm like King Jong-un in my weightlifting shoes. I've stepped things up a notch. You remember, I got these shoes. Now, the front of them is kind of this round pedestal. and so your heel never touches the ground and they're kind of weighted so you walk around all day in these things and it's it's a calf workout you're you're vertical i've heard of those yeah uh this guy named jimmy

yeah he turned me on to him oh yeah jimmy scams right What are you talking about? It's a Seinfeld episode. Remember Jimmy with the shoes? Yeah. Jimmy likes his shoes. Jimmy helps. Jimmy likes his shoes. His shoes help Jimmy jump real high. Jimmy's glad that Alex found someone.

Jimmy isn't intimidated by Alex's choice. And now we're just making jokes to each other for nine people who've watched Seinfeld in the audience. Look, if they haven't watched Seinfeld, then they're classless savages who have no taste anyway and they shouldn't be here. Yeah, if you don't think Seinfeld is funny, it's on Netflix, boys. You're a silly bitch because it is hilarious. Get a little bit of culture. I'm not trying to

make you go watch Cheers. This isn't about fucking nostalgia. Cheers was good. Seinfeld's great. Cheers had a good song. Cheers might have had the best song for that genre. Sitcoms.

I really liked the Cheers song. I watched the first season and realized early into Cheers, I'm just too young to get a lot of their jokes, so I stopped. I wonder if the Cheers song was ever popular, because the friend song legitimately topped the charts for a while the friend song fucking sucks it's no one i knew you'd hate it

but i liked it it's the it's the it's the clapping i don't like that's your weight yeah i don't like the clapping it's like you're always stuck in second gear. I know the song. Don't close green. Kyle, just shut the fuck up with the singing. No, Kyle. Have a good day. When you're near, I'll be there for you. And now I'm blacked out on here, apparently. Oh, I like songs that cheer me up and that that for a time that song

did it well you know what i always liked and it's not as big of a sitcom but the nanny the nanny had a good uh like like jingle to the beginning of she was working in the bridal shop and flushing queens till her boss threw her out in one of those crushing scenes where is she to go where she to do she was out on her fanny. I've never even heard of this show. Yes, Mr. Sheffield! Look, I know you hate things like that. They based the whole show around her dumb voice. Yes, they

did. And there's a really good episode where she's at a Japanese place getting sushi. And she's never had sushi before. And she's like, what's this? That's wasabi, Nanny Fine. And you put it on the fish. She's like, what's this? She's like, that's wasabi, nanny. Fine. You put it on the fish. She's like, oh. She just takes the whole

glob of it and puts it in her mouth and it knocks her out. She's crawling on the floor. Very dramatic. She gets up and she goes, oh, well. That was an interesting flavor. Wow. I don't feel congested anymore. She drops the whole

accent and she's got a beautiful voice like and you're just like what what what and the other lady's like what did you say she says oh i was saying oh and she's like right back to the character again right back into the voice i mean we saw that with cool urkel first yes do you remember what cool urkel's name was oh hang on let me just say this this will help you so Urkel's name is Steven Urkel cool Urkel's name

is don't say it yet you'll get there I watch so much family matters I should know this the real name no don't look it up Woody I should know this. The real name for... No, don't look it up, Woody. We have to figure it out. I'm not going to.

I'm not looking at the bottom right of the screen. I'm trying to think of this shit. Do-dank-dank. I see the answer. I would have never gotten it. What was Stephen Urkel's alter ego? I don't remember. Stefan. Ah, remember. Stefan.

Ah, fuck! Stefan. Yeah, I don't know how to pronounce the second name. I'm going to paste it for you. I'm not sure it's straight up Urkel. Stefan. It was... Urkel? No, no.

It was supposed to be a fancier name of Urkel. Like, instead of... I think that's just how you spell Urkel. U-R-K-E-L. I think it's, like, with a K. I didn't know. I thought that that was, like, a joke with him. No, so this is how you spell Erkel. I think it's with a K. I thought that was like a joke with him. So this is how you spell Erkel. I don't know how anybody would know how you spell Erkel.

Steve Quincy Erkel, U-R-K-E-L. But it was pronounced. He was like, oh, now I'm Stefan. So this is the family matter. There is no reason for a family matters deep cut right now anyway i'm trying to watch seinfeld and i was just pointing out there is a reason because i gotta correct woody i am on the family matters and his last name is urkel unless he is stefan which is u-r-q-u-e-l-l-e agreeing with me oh i thought you said it was Urquell the whole time.

No, that wasn't what I was going for. I just wasn't sure how to pronounce Urquell. I'm sorry. I'm passionate about this. I thought in like the mid-90s or late 90s when I was... He wants to pitch that bullshit comedy that's over and had bad writing

but it had good acting. I thought that Steve Urkel was the funniest character on TV other than Will Smith in the mid-90s. It's because I was a stupid child. I was like eight years old. Like, yeah, this guy's tight. It seemed like all of the comedies that i liked as a kid were black people like i watched the martin lawrence show i watched um i actually watched the queen latifah show for some reason i don't know why i watched that yeah it was not great i mean it was just queen latifah

and her but i mean family matters right family matters and um martin and martin yeah um fresh And Martin and Martin. Yeah. Fresh Prince. That was the show. Yeah, I pretty much. I never watched. I've never watched the Cosby show. Like, I guess. Yeah, I guess I was mostly watching black sitcoms. Yeah.

Yeah. Because the only white one I can remember is a full house because I didn't watch Seinfeld until the series was over and i was in like middle school i i was watching when i'm almost positive i was watching when the shrinkage episode aired that's when i started watching oh okay so whatever that was maybe 99 90s yeah yeah some point somewhere in there i remember i definitely watched that episode on television back then where it was airing then it was a rerun i thought it was airing then though i was getting into it um at the it was airing then, though. I was getting into it at the time. And Woody, you didn't watch Seinfeld as it came out.

I did. You did. Yeah, I watched Seinfeld. But I never liked Friends. You know, like growing up, like, kids won't understand this, but there was only one screen in the household and you didn't get to decide what was on it. So ended up watching a lot of fucking friends you know mom would watch

friends and friends so they're like this shit is not funny it is not funny and by the way rachel would have so many fucking stds by this point with all the fucking hot loads she's getting rammed into her cunt. We don't know if she used condoms or not. They talked about condoms. Actually, I mean, sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. All I know is that Rachel was a dirty whore and so was Monica. She was. She's got a fucking, both of them,

like petri dish pussies. Oh, and their husbands have been friends with them for the entirety of their whorish ways like like i think most guys like settle down like like maybe if you're getting married and you're like how old were they at that point and they're like late 30s or whatever yeah like you're getting married you're late 30s to someone who's your age you're like oh she's probably had a few other lovers but like they were there the whole time they're like what they like yeah i remember when

tom sell it was fucking you that was a fun time huh rachel why are you getting fucked by all these guys how many guys do you think rachel slept with probably six in the show my guesstimate would be 13. taylor a lot uh i'm gonna say i'm gonna say hi i'm gonna say 20. it's 19. i when you guys were talking about her really fucking... I thought you imagined a higher number. How many episodes do we have a year? Because it's the kind of show where she would date

someone for many episodes in a row. Having 19 is a huge number. Although, Jerry, it was almost part of the funny of seinfeld that every episode he had a new like beautiful woman to like find a flaw in so i don't think that it was implied he slept with every one of them either i yeah the joke was that he didn't you

know with the virgin for example that jfk scooped up from yeah i mean like there's the virgin one there's the masseuse where like the masseuse keeps wanting to fuck and he's like if you could just you know i get a lot of tension he's like grabbing her arms to put them on his shoulders you know i don't think he ended up fucking her you know a tons in real life lots and lots of guys want a wife that can cook that's like a common thing, right? Definitely. I feel like masseuse is undervalued. I feel like it'd be a legitimate quality of life upgrade. What is the best...

Without going to something that involves lots of money. Money aside. Income aside. What is the best profession for your significant other to have? Because of the perks that would come along with it or the services that you're that she could provide to you perks and services prostitute

well you've already probably what wait no is that not allowed bad answer all right i feel like you every wife has that service. There was no way to fail, but you... She could have been a cook. She could have been a masseuse. Could have been anything. Yeah, right? We could even make a joke answer, right?

You can't even hit it back. I don't know my answer, but Kyle's. Fucking doctor, doctor doctors. What was in my head too? I was afraid it wasn't fun. It just seems like a really handy life skill do you know how often i get injured my shoulder hurts right now i'm lifting light i need it depends on the kind of doctor that because like dermatologist would do you no good

see i was gonna say lawyer yeah oh that's okay that's okay imagine that like like kyle would have saved six digits. Easily. Yeah. But moreover, imagine how often you have a little thing that you would love to have a lawyer take a look at. Every time your contractor misses his date or... Remember when we did our house? Actually, my brother came in big.

What would happen is he'd talk about a thing, right? Like, you know what that banister should be this and then I get a bill for like $13,000 and I'm like, we didn't agree to that I would have said no this looks nice

but it doesn't look like it was not what I would have by the way, I talked him down to $800 they see your house and they're trying to take you from 13,000 to 800. Yes. My brother helped me. He was like, what you have is called an

unauthorized change order. He's like, you didn't agree to that. There's no contract. There's no invoice. He just went in there and started doing work without authorization and now he wants to bill you for it. When I used that exact term i was like this is an unauthorized change order we don't have any agreement to do this is your brother an attorney he's an electrician oh so he would know but he stayed in a holiday

and express last night as an electrician he would know like you have to get your um your upgrades and whatnot agreed to and signed off on that hit me offside that was a good show like so many times though that like like maybe a contract or just like like a minor annoyance with someone where like um i listen to you ever listen to clark howard or do you know who he is yeah yeah finance guy on radio yeah always amazing advice on like everything he's what he's a good study so he knows what is his stuff but he talks about the lawyer letter he's like he's got that voice it's a little annoying but he's like anytime you've got a problem good worded lawyer

letter solves it 75 80 percent of the time it's just a a well-worded letter with a legal stamp on the top and the bottom. And it says, hey, we don't like what you're doing. You need to stop it now. And most people are terrified when they get something like that, when they get a thing from the law offices of Cliff Hutchinson, the law dog. And it says cease and desist immediately or or consequences will be coming forth with you're like fuck fuck do i need to call an attorney i don't even know one do i have an

attorney have any lawyer letters kyle do you get those i've never received one but i've sent some i've received like three i wipe my ass with lawyer letters i don't give a flying white man who has monies last one i i did i got a lawyer letter because i repaired my paramotor and made a video about it and he didn't like the way it was like going down and i'm like dude you're about to launch a fucking video series on me getting sued for telling people what my experience with this motor is really like. And I'm like, I, your best move right now is to just not.

They don't get it. You're like, let me explain what the first thing I'm going to do. I'm going to come to your house. I'm going to make a video called I'm being sued because I made a video about this, about this. Now people will actually care.

Other than the 3,000 people. The 3,000 people have seen about it. I had some zeros. This is going to be awesome. No one gave a shit about my fucking piston seizing or something. Now it's about that. Oh, you don't want to do stuff at court. Fucking in your suit in your suit you're like all right we're going into court guys let's get this trending on twitter hashtag oh yeah it would be like paramotor i understand mr joe johnson that you're an attorney but how

would you feel if hypothetically anybody typed in joe johnson all that came up with child pornography you know something else outrageous that could those reviews that that y'all left on that that that motorcycle place apparently got so big that like google congratulated me on like my post being so well i got like an email from Google like, congratulations on a really popular review. You're in the.001 percentile

of reviews. Whatever you said, people are responding to it. And your review is like, you're gay. Give me my money back. They were doing you dirty. Yeah, it was so funny when that guy called me that was that was really funny i was i'm literally like sweaty with my new motorcycle gear on just rode my new motorcycle and he's like we'd love to get you in and try to earn your business back and i'm just like i'm literally on my new motorcycle. He lost me. And fair and square, they got first shot at you,

and they tried to fuck you. Yeah, I don't know why that guy was such a jerk, but it worked out real well thanks to you. Have you ridden lately? Not since it had gotten cold recently. I said the other night. It got warm. I rode today.

It was 68. That's what I was going to say. Today, I walked outside like big coat on because it's been cold and i was like fuck it's fucking oh no and i remembered i had to do this but i was going to i might ride tonight i bet it's still good like like i think um let me see what temperature it is right now i have a motorcycle hoodie so it dude it looks like a hoodie it really looks like any other hoodie you would own but if you went up and like touched my elbows you'd feel the pads and it's also made

of a material that could slide across the asphalt but it looks normal yeah and uh it was warm enough for that today and i was really grateful instead of my astronaut clothing it's mid 40s here i'm good i think i think i will go for a ride it's not exactly the 60s that I was hoping for, but... FYI, tomorrow's beautiful. Maybe I'll wait till tomorrow. I don't know. I really like riding at night. For the same reason I feel safe playing Tarkov at night.

You know? All the players are gone. No, not that. Okay, I'm sorry. We get some juiced raids at night. It's pretty crazy um all the way to go to dorms it doesn't matter um i like i like riding at night because if you don't see a light there's nobody there right and you can see lights around corners and stuff like like if someone you get a lot of extra warning the only problem obviously is critters and stuff there's a critter and perhaps road hazards uh i'm talking

about potholes yeah not not particularly where i'm going because i i do a route that i kind of do the same route over and over like doesn't accumulate yeah but no i i've been i've been digging the motorcycle i uh i still haven't got my garage door open so every time i go to ride it i have to do my uh my little squat exercise out there. My sleep schedule is bad, so I know that when I schedule it, I'll have to be able to get up early in the morning and be prepared. And I don't want to be an adult as much as I want to be able to play Tarkov whenever I want. I tried to replace the chain and sprocket on one of my motorcycles today. And it turns out that when you replace the rear sprocket, you're supposed to replace the nuts and boltsrocket on one of my motorcycles today. It turns out that when you replace the

rear sprocket, you're supposed to replace the nuts and bolts that hold it on. I didn't know that, so I have to order them. I wonder why it matters. I don't know, but I can tell you they're like aluminum. Aluminum doesn't rust rust, but it kind of corroded together.

Some of them I had to damage them to like get them off i use vice grips and stuff like oh you need some more anyway yeah yeah and like maybe it's normal to not get them off that successfully but i couldn't yeah i told you my friends got that harley that that motorcycle is really cool is it the one with the new engine the sportster i think you might have said that yeah yeah yeah that's a really cool motorcycle it the one with the new engine the sportster i think you might have said that yeah yeah yeah that's a really cool motorcycle i haven't seen it in real life i have ridden that engine on the pan america and i loved it yeah so i i would only like it more on a lighter bike i'm

sure my uh my neighbor's bike got repossessed i think today i watched it happen out the window i had no idea he's got the same fucking bike he's got the same fucking bike maybe a year old um but you gotta imagine like i looked at like like i came home and there's a truck like a like a rollback or whatever with a red fucking honda crotch rocket wheeled up on it and i'm just like that you don't know what bike you have what did i say you just said a red crotch rocket wheeled up on it. I love that you don't know what bike you have. What did I say? You just said a red crotch rocket.

But I think you don't know the like CBE 650R or whatever it is. It's fair. What is the classification of my motorcycle? It's a naked street bike? Yeah. Is that what I'm supposed to say? Anyway. My bike's on a rollback.

Like being wheeled out of the neighborhood essentially, and I was just like, and then I noticed it had like... Oh, you did finance it, didn't you? And part of it was to improve, like it was a little credit score fix up. Yeah, yeah. There'd be no reason for them to be taking it away anyway, right?

There's like big lipstick kiss lips on this person's bike, though. And so I'm just like... But when I got home, I was still just like... Alright, alright. They didn't steal my motorcycle. Making sure. But for a minute, I was like, do I say something? Do I get...

What if I get home and my bike's gone, but now they're gone. They've escaped. Have you started it lately? Has it been over a month? No, it hasn't been over a month. They've escaped. Have you started it lately? Has it been over a month? No, it has been over a month. Maybe a week. Oh, that's not bad. I haven't done my archery all winter.

I went to Mexico and when I came back, one of my bikes wouldn't start. I read the other one. I waited a week after I came back and I hadn't written in a week before it was two weeks.

It was like a month and it didn't start. So that's about maybe yours. Yeah. Let's make sure it runs. But you, well, you want to wrap it up there? I think it's time.

Well, thanks to our guest. Uh, we appreciate you not showing up. Thanks Dick. It wasn't. No, no,

it wasn't Dick. I was saying, thanks Dick. Dick is Dick. It wasn't. No, no, it wasn't Dick. I was saying thanks, Dick. Oh, yeah. Dick as in being mean. Yeah. Thanks, Dickhead. You can guess who it was. If you can guess who it was, then you can click the lock and load link below. Enter

code PKA, 20% off, just for you. I think we might have said who it was on pkn uh i i doubt it okay let me remember it wrong anyway pka 582 with nobody