Painkiller Already - PKA 592 W/ General Sam - Woody Has Cancer, Huge NFT Loss, Kyles Kids Books

Episode Date: April 23, 2022

pka 592 with our guest general sam taylor this episode of pka brought to you by express vpn blue chew and lock and load the finest cum pills in america or the world check those out below code pka 10 off those or anything else general sam thank you so much for joining us you've been highly requested yeah i'm not here as general sam I'm here as a representative of my own podcast. I see. Oh, I'm sorry. You have a P liaison? Yeah.

Forehead Fables is the name of your show. Yeah, yeah. The YouTube channel, you can't ask me any questions about that. I won't talk about it. That's good. I have no questions. Yeah. Are you going to be impressed when we watch your videos? You can't you gonna be impressed when you like you get a uh you know your youtube friends go like hey can i be on your show

and then they go like oh i was expecting like questions like nobody has less life experience than a fucking youtuber like what you've done. Like all your shit's the same. The account's free. You made it and you start making videos. Like nobody cares about your start. And I'm sure you've had a million YouTubers on and you tried that at first. You were like, so what was your inspiration?

Nobody cares. I don't know. Everybody seemed like they were making a lot of money not doing much and I wanted some. And I wanted money for not doing much. And I saw I could like play games and then they put the ads on it and then I got a check and then I did more of that. Yeah, I would do like in like 2010 when I was like 19

just started the channel. All my content was like here's a game of me going 20 and 17 in domination but I have a funny story about Chipotle and like I would do like an ask me anything episode and people and domination but i have a funny story about chipotle and like i would do like an ask me anything episode and people would ask me unironic questions like i really i just graduated college i need some investment advice it's like i said i'm 19 like i have no idea dude i'm having relationship problems my advice is go to an adult dude like not you're like me too not me dude if you're asking me i'm

with full confidence i'm making up something and i'm gonna act i'm gonna sell it whatever it is people ask me for financial advice i'm like fuck it i don't have a license for that let's do it i'm telling you exactly where to put that shit put everything into nfts it's my understanding that they're really taking off and i just say the nft thing i i want to say i think the the pka podcast was came together and all and and the three of us agreed with our limited bit of knowledge that the nft thing was either a above our heads and maybe a good idea or most likely be just silly and a big ripoff from people who are like hey remember bitcoin we got a new thing that's just like it. Give us all your money. And so far that's what I've seen, except it's

less secure because I keep seeing people having their NFTs stolen. And I keep seeing fake transactions and fraud and scams. And then, of course, you saw the guy who bought the NFT of the first tweet for like, I don't remember how many hundreds of thousands of dollars.

700,000 maybe? Enough to buy a small house. Oh my god. I think it might have been millions. Something absurd. He lost it all though. What did it list for? Was it like 2.1 million?

No, he listed it and the highest bid he got was $200. $200. What a dumbass. Retarded the week. bidding i was 200 bucks that's what a dumbass retarded award this is is this jack dorsey's first tweet we're talking about yes yeah yeah it'll take him a second but zach will find out what the figures are i'm curious too uh dude losing two million dollars on a picture of a stoned monkey, I've never struggled with suicidal ideation ever. But I can't imagine how that would feel,

realizing you've destroyed your life for a picture of a monkey. Get the numbers out here. Jack Dorsey's first tweet went for $2.9 million, and he tried to resell it and got $277. Yeah. Fuck yes. He lost almost $2.9 million. If you lose it all and you're left with a stone monkey picture,

you at least have the stone monkey picture. This guy has a fucking screen cap of a tweet. Is it even a good tweet? Can he write that off as a loss? Yeah. Try explaining that the way that the irs like carry forwards you can like you write it off as a loss but then it used to be three thousand dollars a year towards future earnings you could take off i hope it's higher now but at 2.9 million like you're covered for life that's what i was getting can you imagine but maybe for a man in his position like like let's say it's 350 you imagine? Maybe for a man in his position, let's say it's

$350,000 a year. For a man in his position, he's like, deal. Maybe it was just planned the whole time. The implication I'm getting from you is that he can claim it against ordinary income. I think you have to claim it against investment gains that he makes in the future. Isn't he like a professional investor or something? I don't know.

Not anymore. I don't think that was his last two million, just to be clear. I hope not. Three million, by the way. But yeah. Even so, if I was worth $10 billion, that would be really embarrassing

to lose two million publicly. Okay. If I put myself out there as a finance guy, if I was one of those retard tier Dan Bilzerian billionaires who don't really know how they get the money, you could be like, oh, yeah, he lost $2 million. I don't know anything about that guy. I just picked an example.

But if Warren Buffett lost $2 million on an NFT, that would damage Berkshire Hathaway. That'll never happen. He wants to buy Bitcoin. He wants to buy Bitcoin. He wants to short Bitcoin. He's like, if there was a way to short Bitcoin 10 years, I'm pretty confident everyone who has it now is going to be left holding the bag.

I'm pretty confident that Warren Buffett will be dead. Safe estimate when you're 102. I would like to short Warren Buffett's life. Yeah. A six month on the over under. yeah it's like next door neighbor's house went up for sale and people were scrambling to buy it way over market value because they're like i might run into warren buffett at the fucking mailbox i don't know that's oh yeah

as if he gets his own mail and mows his own grass like hell no that guy's he's one of those like fake billionaire like like a pretend man of the people where he's like i live in the same omaha house i did in 1950 i'm a normal guy i wear dockers and i drive a lincoln and i paid 85 million dollars to get my congressman of choice elected in vermont i'm just a normal guy like you donating hundreds of millions to people who will give me advantageous tax policies, but I like barbecue and I drive a Lincoln. It's like who's falling for this?

Seriously. You think he doesn't have a white marble underground layer under there? Is there any evidence for any of this Taylor? Take it on face value. Did he really buy it? Do you need a source?

I made it up. He's always advocating for higher taxes he seems to live in that house where he stopped he's not passing on his wealth to his children like he has a weird relationship with money i think he's not passing his wealth on no he thinks that it's not good parenting now he's gonna pass some on they're gonna be like multi-millionaires but he's one of the wealthiest men to have ever lived can i tell you how upsetting that would be for me oh yeah i would fucking gut knife him right there like like tear me in lannister shot in the belly on the shitter i wouldn't crossbow him at the lawyer's office when he was trying to get me to sign the paperwork like my dad has talked to me about like what he wants done when he passes away and stuff and like the idea of like well we'll only leave you so much it's like a first his idea is like i just want to make sure i leave you as

much as i can and i'm like dad i don't want to have this talk you should use your money and enjoy the rest of your life and he's's just like, oh no, you're going to be surprised. Surprise Kyle, I'm foregoing chemo treatment for you. And you're like, dad, please. He would, I think that that would be his first inclination. He's that kind of guy. Sounds like a selfless guy. I think that would be his first inclination. He's i'm not gonna spend a half a million dollars giving myself three or four more years when that could buy you a you know a start in a business or a new a quarter of a home these days dude i keep talking about the mortgage rate not more not mortgage rates because those are outrageous anyway just because all the interest

rates are like around five percent or whatever right now but um it's the uh what do you call it oh like rents up 17 i saw and i i think that uh home prices are just insane right now it's been insane it's been then can i talk about this for a second i've had this thing where like every generation always fusses about the one before making their life impossible you guys had it easy for us it's so hard and i just was like you know i've been watching this pattern since i was a little kid trust me when i was you i said that too i wish these old fucks would retire so all the 40 year olds would move up into the 60 year old jobs and all us 20 year olds could have the good jobs that you 40 year olds are squatting on right now dicks right that was my take and the kids now are saying the same thing i I would be like,

oh my God, our houses are 200 grand. That's fucking ridiculous. I wish I bought it when it was 30 grand when you did. Back in the old days, your mortgage is nothing. Your expenses are trivial. I have modern day house prices to cover. This feels different. Regular houses around here are $600,000. These are 2,200 square foot homes for $600,000, $700,000. And it's like, good gosh, that seems like a lot. Yep. It's ridiculous. It's made homeownership impossible for the vast majority of people.

You, I think, made a great move buying your home a few years ago. I barely made it. I think I bought it at the very, very, very end of 2018. And the value of my house when I bought it, and first now, it's gone up like $140,000. I've gone the other direction. It hasn't actually gone up that much. It was just a bubble. I didn't need to sell my last house, so I missed out on about $400,000 in gains. I could have rented it. I don't like this conversation i just bought a house this conversation sucks oh perfect timing yeah you struck while the iron was freezing you got youtube money dollars this is a month's earning i have a question it's been burning in my head i have to

flip and know here's the story tell me what's true you were gonna be a guest like a year ago looked at the subreddit you said you guys are so fucking toxic i want nothing to do with the show and it took a year to change your mind is that remotely true no it's not you guys the fucking your subreddit i went on there they were just screaming about everybody they were like woody's this old fucking out of touch piece of shit they're not wrong he likes traps and then taylor they're like taylor's head's big he's pretty cool but taylor's head and i was like holy shit the audience sucks i don't want to be a part of this shit because like the whole scheme here was I was like I got this podcast right but it's like not organic at all

doesn't have any actual viewers it's like just offloaded garbage from my youtube channel that it's like trickle over effect you guys have actual people that enjoy podcasts you know and so I was like hey if i'm a guest on there i might get some of them and then i was looking at your subreddit i was like i don't want any of them that's the last thing i've been looking at the subreddit and all of a sudden the tides have turned all of a sudden kyle got ripped woody was uh less of a whatever the fuck you were doing taylor's head got a little bit smaller. I appreciate it. And now everybody's nicer now. Listen, Sam, our

guests might be, I'm sorry, our fans might be assholes, but they come like champions. No one comes or ejaculates better than the PKA fan base. They come, so if they commit crimes, they're fucked. You ever, like one of those

robbers who robs a bank and then beats off in the corner and they find your semen you're not gonna make it out of the store it's gonna be attached like a sinew a bit of spider web to the tip of your dick all the way to your house look at this confuse you like kyle you know the stories i'm talking about where it'd be like a totally non-sexual crime where it'd be like josh stevenson stole three camaros overnight with a friend he was discovered after seaman was found in the vehicle it's like but how like it's not even fucking it's like on the wheel like there's there's no way so those people have to have to have a death wish or want to be caught

that makes sense to me no i think that's look i don't i don't really understand it but i think that there's definitely some people that like attach like sex and like getting turned on no i don't think it's power i think it's a different thing i think that like stealing things is like a thrill for him and somehow his wires are crossed a little bit so that that thrill bleeds over into sexual, like, you know, getting turned on. I see it differently. Like I have a friend who likes marijuana and he was like, Hey,

pop makes everything better. He likes to run a lot. He exercises and he smokes pot while he does that. He was like, this is me. And then you're like, he likes to run a lot. I'm like,

yeah, I would have told the story if it was you, but he thinks that TV is better. That, that sex is better. that running is better. If I gave other activities, I'd be doxing him. But he loves to smoke pot and do other things. That's how I feel about masturbation.

That's why I don't think you should touch my steering wheel. Oh, everything's better while you're masturbating. Driving. I'm actually going to go ahead and interject there. And I think sex is absolutely horrible while high it's like the one of the worst experiences i've ever had really was being absolutely i last longer and it like feels better no that that was the problem like it was it was like a fucking out-of-body experience

and it was like it was like frustrating for both me and the partner because i was like i don't know why i said it like that like my wife i know i was like because i was like it was like out of body like i was like whoa she's really going to town on that i was like oh that's me there was no fucking like sensory loop you know what i mean and i couldn't like feel a fucking thing but i was like really fucking high i i think that's what it was yeah do you like regularly smoke or is it like a once in a blue moon kind of thing it's um uh the legality in my state is yeah so like every you know every time you're in colorado or california you know you'll smoke some so yeah when it's when it's like every night i go to colorado i sneak you joke dude i'm such a i'm such a fucking fiend uh like like

after i got off probation i went on this like two week smokecation to colorado with my buddies but then when i got back i was like back to delta eight which is like the legal shit that we have in georgia which is okay i found better like legal you're a georgia boy i am a georgia boy i'm north florida boy we're right i'm 30 minutes away from the border football rivals okay down around tallahassee and stuff yeah but uh anyway um i drove to fucking illinois one week to go get stoned for like a three-day weekend and then on the drive on the seven-hour drive back, I was like, I might have a problem. Yeah, your problem is Illinois is too far away.

If I told you, like, I need a drink. I'm driving to Virginia for a beer. You'd be like, Taylor has a serious problem. He drove eight hours for a bottle of vodka. But see, I made a week. I did it like a soccer mom has her five glasses of wine. I made it like a whole event. I'm like, oh, no, no. I'm going to spend a three-day weekend with a friend over on the lake in romantic southern Illinois.

Yeah, that's kind of a problem. If you travel any distance for something, you want it way too much. Yeah, it's probably true. I really do enjoy being stoned, though. But yeah, there's the Delta 8 stuff and all the other variants that we've got legal for now, for the time being, are really strong. I hope so. At least that's a substance, so it makes rational sense.

My co-host has this obsession with bidding on estate sales and it's based out of a town that's like two and a half hours away from him. And he's constantly winning shit that you don't fuck. And we actually got into a fight during an episode about this shit because like you only get defensive and angry if something is actually true. But I was like, dude, you were like buying Opal earrings and shit.

Your ears aren't pierced. You don't need this stuff. He bought a fucking taxidermy boar head. The ears falling off. It looks like a zombie. It's all patchy and shit. It's been gnawed on by moths. And I'm like, yeah, every week you have to make this like two and a half hour drive to the city.

Pick up your dog shit that you bought from some dead person and then drive two and a half it's not worth it dude like going for earrings you can't wear that's a waste of time at least you went to illinois to you know get high or something but is he making money is he reselling it at a profit can't imagine no he's a streamer so now he just has this patchy little boar head behind him and and his opal earrings which i guess is kind of cool i don't know is he like uh i like the idea of looking at estate sales though that does sound kind of fun like maybe gym equipment honestly maybe some big buff steroid freak died and i can get all of his all the only reason i shit on him is because

i found the app that he uses and it's really close to him and in order to ship down to tallahassee it's like 300 an item so i'm like i see things i want to buy and i'm like i can't fucking buy and then i see that he wins them and i'm like that could have been mine if i was willing to pay the that could have been my shitty boar head that could have been my broken plate oh if i talk about it it's because you know i wanted it that's why i thought i would have looked great with those opal earrings and he snatched them out from under me you know i don't remember like just just saying the word collector spoons like gave me one of those memories of like being a kid i don't remember whose house i was in i must have been three or four years old like a cousin of a cousin of a cousin but i remember seeing in their house a huge amount of spoons yep like one for every

state and i remember getting a feeling of like intense sadness like on behalf of them like i recognized at three like oh that's so sad like what a stupid thing to be into how embarrassing i'm standing here like with shit in my pants, understanding how sad it is that you're collecting spoons. You know those visceral memories you get? Something just pops up. Not one that's so judgy. No, normally.

You want to hear something sadder? My dad used to collect Jansport backpacks. I used to have a Jansport backpack. Yeah, but the point of a jansport they have a lifetime warranty you just need one you don't need 48 fucking you don't need like a dedicated closet to just jansport backpacks i like darn tough socks and they're doing a giveaway i'm on right now baby darn tough socks are amazing they're not a sponsor and one of their things is you have a lifetime warranty which is cool dude well they're got a tough sponsor, I would be all over the show.

I would like that. Darn tough. Call us. We don't have a number, though. We should. They are doing a giveaway or something. And I hate these giveaways. I always figured there's like a one in trillion chance I win of a lifetime supply of darn tough socks.

And I'm like of a lifetime supply of darn tough socks and i'm like a lifetime supply details the detail is there are only seven pairs of socks because they last forever so you just get one for each pair of the week and they call that a lifetime supply it's like you fucks that's not a lot yeah you you don't usually you don't run out of socks because you remember to wear them until they disintegrate it's because you lose them because they're socks. They should be giving you two pairs a month. Yes, I like that.

I think if they start you out with a good eight, ten pair, and then maybe a pair every three months after that would be very much fair. I'm a very literal person. If it's lifetime supply, I should never have to wash a fucking sock. Every day I should get a new package of socks in. literal person if it's lifetime supply i should never have to wash a fucking sock every day i should get a new package of socks in i know people i want to take them off and burn them in like they

should send me a little darn tough sock incinerator where i just drop them in as soon as i take them off because dude those things are expensive man i'm not gonna lie to you all right you guys are gonna judge me i live in florida it's hot as shit down here i wear these things two days and then i wash yeah i'm a two well i don't know what it is when i was wearing cotton socks my socks were all stinky and shit but these they still smell like detergent after the second day i'm wearing them again are these like made of wool or something they're merino wool merino wool they're amazing and i have the same thing like like at the end of a motorcycle day i have these like big leather boots they're kind of protected any other sock is a nightmare like you just want to pinch the top of it and toss yeah you do but a marina wool sock you can literally like at the

end of the day they don't even smell they're amazing they kind of buy the socks see i've been using like those big white dad socks when i when I ride my bike just because they're thick. I want the boots on so snug. And I have this idea that they're a little safer. I don't know. It's a sturdy sock. But I'm going to buy your fancy socks now. Kyle, when you buy socks, you're going to have some questions.

And the answers are calf height, medium weight. Sounds good. Sounds good. Sounds about right. Calf height. Calf height. I don't like calf height. I like the ankle socks. No, notalf height. I don't like calf height. I like the ankle socks.

He's wearing them on their motorcycle boot. Man, wool socks in Florida, that's brutal. That sounds awful. That's what I was going to say. You would think wearing wool, it seems like you'd be sweaty, but actually wool wicks away moisture, so they're not that warm. It makes you feel cooler.

How much moisture can they wick? Are they up to the challenge? Like I, I get sweaty. I never got really scientific about the whole foot sweat production that I have. That's one of the things I haven't. Look at me.

Come on. I don't even take care of myself. I'm not going to measure my foot sweat. What the fucking insane question is that? I don't think it is. Can you quantify the amount that it wicks? You get a food scale. You lay your sock on there.

You hit tear. Well, that implies the wicking is not working. No, we're going to need to be in a vacuum chamber that measures the moisture in the atmosphere. Have you ever seen when a Preston... NASA equipment is going to be required. In Jackass, where Preston is riding the bike in the saran wrap suit and catches all the sweat and then Stevo

drinks it. It would be something like that, but not as... Stevo wouldn't drink it. He'd measure it. Do you sweat in a vacuum? If you put your foot in a vacuum, would it sweat? Would it sweat more? Would the sweat condense to the sides of the vacuum chamber and you could collect it to the bottom maybe?

I'll work on it. I'll get back to you on this. I feel like if you put the four of our minds together, we still couldn't answer that fucking question. At some point, we'd just get an air compressor and some tubing. What does a vacuum do?

I know it's just no air in there yeah but like you stick your hand in like a vacuum you pump all the air out what i really want i said a vacuum because initially i had this idea that i didn't want any moisture in the air but what i really want is zero humidity air inside of a chamber that your foot is locked into and then we're gonna make you all sweaty right for like an hour we'll like decide a time amount and then however much sweat you all sweaty right for like an hour we'll like decide a time amount and then however much sweat you sweat out even if it evaporates we'll be we'll be captured in that chamber and then we can measure it precisely because normally like what are we going to sweat into a sock we're going to wring it out or press tear on a scale like you said

there's so much sweat evaporating that's the whole point of sweat is it evaporates couldn't you just know an incredibly cold room so it can't turn into vapor? You know the thing about incredibly cold rooms is it's hard to sweat in a cold room. It's hard to sweat in those. Oh, yeah. Okay, so blowtorch Taylor's foot

in a freezer room. And get lightly on the lowest setting. Just a faint blue flame. not enough to damage the foot and then uh yeah i think we could figure out whatever this question fucking i'm done now i'm done with it now you know you know something this this reminded me of uh i've like on on super cold nights there's a couple years ago like my heat went out and i had a space heater and so i like put it by my feet plugged in and i had a had a nice little feeling there i can't imagine doing that you know as a source of heat but i did that and basically it you will leave your foot there and it'll get

so hot you obviously have to move it i was talking to a friend of mine who works in the medical profession he's not a doctor he's like a like nurse practitioner and he was like oh yeah this this guy we saw he came in he was diabetic like one of those people who has diabetes for like 15 years and it's just like doesn't give a fuck somehow still alive doesn't treat it eats whatever they want and apparently apparently this guy fell asleep in front of the space of a space heater at his home with his feet right in front of it and because if you're a diabetic you have neuropathy and you can't feel when you're burning he fell asleep and like they it cooked the meat of his oh no over the course of like hours and he like like it was like slut like like more damage than

i can imagine coming from like the heat the hot i mean the bones are cooked did it fall out of the room was it like barbecue like those barbecue tiktoks where it's like this shit's been cooking for six hours man he just i wish he would have broke hippa and sent me a photo of it but yeah he said it was just like just bright bright red like like blistered. The most severe blisters you can imagine. First of all, if you have diabetes, do something about it. They have medicine. The people that walk around with open sores and shit, not even bandaging them.

I've seen... Going blade mode? Yeah. Do you have the betas? Do I have the betas? Yeah. No, I don't. No, but if you let it get to that point and just walk around like a fucking leper,

I not only pity you, but I also kind of hate you. I'm feeling a little targeted. You? Why? Do you walk around with the betas wounds open and gaping and oozing? I've seen that before. So Zach, put me on full screen. Do you have betasaurus?

It's here. Can you see it? I'm going to try and... Oh, you still got that open wound on your face. If you have to take your camera and do a macro shot of the side of your stupid nose... Do you see it? Yeah, I see that open wound on your face.

Oh my God. How do you live with yourself? How do you leave the house? I would see that from across the Walmart parking lot and go, oh, that guy's got a... What a ghoul. What kind of cancer did you have, Kyle? Oh, no.

The basal one? Basal cell carcinoma? Yeah. Looks like me too. Fuck yeah, cancer, buddy! Yeah. cell carcinoma yeah yeah looks like me too yeah cancer buddy yeah so um most easily curable cancer out there for everyone listening yeah yeah so i guess i'll be fine it's like the recruit of cancers so they uh they took a biopsy i guess and uh came back. Do they have to go back in for a little bit more of the tissue? No.

So what happened is I had that sore, right? And that sore started last year. It's April recording this. And at first, I kind of thought it was reoccurring because I wear glasses. And I just bought regular glasses I wear all day. And I slept in them and got that cut so i was like all right whatevs and then it's taking too long to heal so then i after a month of not healing i start going hardcore on never wearing glasses if at all possible i drive

without sunglasses only on the show five hours a week i wear glasses the rest of the time i'm in heal mode and then i started putting this like uh it's not neosporin but like imagine a prescription industrial strength yeah and uh and that seemed to help a little but you know a month of that and it's not getting better so then i call a dermatologist and of course it takes a month to see them and she's uh looking at the pearly edges of it and she's like i think you've got cancer that's why it's not healing so um i'm going to go to a plastic surgeon well he'll cut it out and put it back together and uh then then we'll know for sure well i'm sorry to hear that um luckily like i said you know that's couldn't be much

better um as far as like the type right you know yeah yeah That's what I'm. Yeah. It should be fine. It's the best cancer. I, you know, I wouldn't fuck around with some fucking osteosarcoma. Like, I don't, I don't know what that is. I only do good cancers.

Yeah. I don't know my cancers, but, but yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. It is scary, huh? Yeah.

So I guess I'll take care of it next week. This weekend, I'm going to go play on my, uh, doing the acro weekend. I'm sorry to hear that. It is scary, huh? Yeah, so I guess I'll take care of it next week. This weekend, I'm going to go play on my... I'm doing the Acro weekend. I'm very excited. So my friends are going to take the boat out and make bad decisions over the lake. This is making me think, like, you know those stats where it's like three out of four people

are fine if they get carcinoma or whatever the fuck. It's like two out of three people are fine and i know both of you get it and have it and then i get it that would suck if i die of that kind of cancer i'm gonna be so embarrassed don't upload that episode we'll even go back and edit this episode so nobody talks about it as much nobody talks Say that I was killed by a bear or some sort of animal conflict. Not an embarrassing one, a good one. I was killed by a bear who later died of its wounds.

This is how I'd like for you guys to lie. If I die. I'll say that Woody literally flew too close to the sun and sent her there. Kyle got STDs that only really cool guys that have lots of sex get. Uncanny. I'm hoping no more

STDs ever. What's the coolest STD? The one Al Capone had, neural syphilis. That's what I had. Not the neural part. It takes a decade to develop that. No. I would never make it that far. I would get strep throat before that could happen. Ah, and get the jab

to fix the strep throat and knock the... Yeah, I would take penicillin for something before I got neural syphilis. Yeah, I don't go to the doctor unless it's kind of a thing. The last couple years, I've had a coupleis. Yeah. I don't go to the doctor unless it's kind of a thing. Um, like I've, the last couple of years I've had like a couple of nasty things.

I had that stupid sty in my eye. Uh, that was fucking nasty. And then the cancer thing and, that strep throat where I was like coughing up blood. That was fun too. Uh, it's been a, but no COVID.

I love it. Like throughout the last, no COVID can't fuck with me i like to believe i've been exposed to it dozens of times and that my testosterone levels are so fucking high that it gets into my bloodstream and it's it's like the one white guy like getting inducted into the prison and it looks like a scene from a blacked porno or something like that when my white blood cells like gang up on that yellow covid dude that was so funny flights during the height of omicron to mexico went around like one of the planet's

most crowded cities in mexico city i just shoulder to shoulder with hundreds of thousands of people i must have been exposed you should have seen the customs line there was a basement with a thousand people on the line looked like space Mountain going back and forth. I have to believe I've been exposed, but I don't know that I've had it. When Kyle got that bad illness last year, it was so funny because you were texting like, I think I'm dying. I can't breathe. I can't swallow. I can't eat. I feel like I can't do BKN. But I don't think it's COVID. I'm like, so you're going to keep working out? And you're like, I should be fine. And I'm like, dude, COVID isn't the only illness.

Take a day. Yeah. You clearly have to stop. I don't like taking days. Because if you take one day, it's easy to take two, and then three, and then four. It's like anything. Diet's the same way. You've got to build your mountain and stay on top of it.

Yeah. Sometimes you get back to your diet for one year and you fuck up for the next decade. Right? Right? It can absolutely be like that. Oh, go ahead. Finish your thought. I forgot it.

It's fine. I ruined it. Sam, have you lost weight? I feel like you did. Yeah. I think I'm seeing it. Yeah. I think I'm seeing it. Yeah, so I have a very different outlook to the physical being than you guys.

I can't wait. So I play video games and just be a dad and then lay on top of my wife a couple times a week. And that's basically my life, right? I don't have to be in great shape for for that. So, um, seconds of quality cardio. Yeah. So like that, that's about it. I just stay in enough shape to be able to do that and like put on my shoes or whatever. And then, um, I'm going on like a hike with some friends in a week. And so I have been working out in order to like not die while I'm out there. Yeah. I've seen you do like hikes and stuff or talk about them in the videos and stuff before. And,

uh, I like that. I like that kind of content, but I've seen you in your like shorts. You're like Steve Irwin shorts you wear sometimes. And, uh, and I think you've got a good base.

Like, like, like you've got a, you got a good base to work with there. You should, if you ever got into it, I think you could. That is single-handedly one of the most touching.

And like, I have, got into it i think you could that is single-handedly one of the most touching and like i have it's so weird because everybody talks about youtubers being groomers and shit yeah i got a million subs i have fucking zero pussy like zero ladies i haven't got a fucking titty pic i haven't gotten a single woman not even the ugliest fucking woman, not even a woman that looks like Taylor coming into my DMs. Not even absolute dogs coming in. I haven't gotten dudes giving me a legitimate compliment in years. You just got one. I just got one. I felt that.

I'll send you a leg pick after this, just for you. No, I mean it. I've said it to my friends before. We were were watching your videos and i'm like look at that guy i bet he works out he does not work out i'm like look at that guy's thighs they look powerful yeah look at his quads solid quads she was like wow they do i bet that guy does hip thrust showed a woman of something i was in oh yeah oh absolutely like like every girl i've ever given you i show them your tarkov stuff and like like first i explain tarkov in like 90 seconds and then i'm like but none of that shit matters and then like we'll watch like uh one of your

videos uh you know the intro part is like the show yeah that's like that's the thesis statement that's the show and then that's your high shit. That's me just offloading every funny moment I've had with my friends. I like that. The first minute is for you guys. The last 40 minutes is for me. I've shown a bunch of people that stuff. It's really

high effort, smart, well done, funny, well written. Yes. I'm smart. I mean it. No, it is smart. You've got a good face and I'm smart? No. I mean it. This is a genuine compliment.

I've told people this before. You're in Georgia? Yeah. Careful. He's going to accuse you of rape or something. He's setting you up. Two nice things in a row out of Kyle? No, I've known him for 12 years.

I'm a big fan. I've seen all your videos. I like him a lot. I met Kyle in 1999. I'm up to three nice things. I really am impressed. It's got to be followed up with some brutal shit. Like build you up and tear you down?

I brought him up from bedrock just so we could see if we could get beneath it. No, that's usually my game, but I'm being genuine. I really do like stuff. Oh, that's touching. You know what is so incredible about that, too, is like when I was starting out, I fucking Woody, I'm pissed at you about this. But when I was starting out, I watched you guys. You were the Kyle.

You were the big budget. Like you were doing that before anybody was doing like a themed theatrical video you know like that was that was like holy like that was something that nobody else was doing and then woody on the other hand you know i was uh impressionable at the time right hadn't figured out who i was yet oh what what impressions i've ruined you yeah you influenced me where you were like you would give like thoughtful um you know advice to people and like uh you know whatever and so i was like when i started making videos i was like maybe i could

be like that or whatever right turns out like i don't have like nobody gives a fuck about what i say about anything and then uh because i also realized i wasn't good at like games or really anything in particular and then uh and then i realized that like being maybe funny is is all i got but you led me astray you thought i could be just like a uh you know passionate person about stuff and give like actual life advice and and like get anywhere in life. I'm quite the dick. I was going to ask you about you say you're not good at games, but you have so much time in Tarkov. You must be good by now.

Oh, baby. You don't know what my reaction speeds are like. No, I have, but I just don't care enough to put forth the effort on... You ever seen people that like they game sitting up and like they're fucking leaning corners and shit in games and i'm like i'm not

moving my finger from wasd to like do anything extra than i have to do you know inventory nothing like any game i play they're like you could hotbar that stuff I'm like nah I'm opening the inventory and just find whatever I'm clicking I don't fuck with all that shit that's how I play games too well this is different I can't even reach it over there

but ah fuck I messed it up I got like an MMO mouse the ones everybody make fun of with all the buttons down the side the least I have to move my hands, the better. You know, I can just do everything with my thumb. You know what I did for Tarkov? Uh, just for Tarkov, I put foot pedals in on the lean. So now I lean with foot pedals right and left, you know, obviously.

Oh yeah. It made a big difference. Well, I mean, it takes some fucking, you know, work away from either of my hands, wherever else it was going to be. So I like it. The best thing I ever did was I, I met up with that ex-fail camper guy mm-hmm oh and that made the video what a cool guy because he totally changed my mind he's just like just just stop why why try so hard he started playing because he could just study for his finals and and and then like he would just be oh wait someone's

coming and then he would like actually sit up and put the book to the side and kill and then like he would just be oh wait someone's coming and then he would like actually sit up and put the book to the side and kill him but like you don't have to go scrambling for everything man like i after i realized that you can kind of just control areas so to speak and not run around so much and worry so much it's so much nice i've started drinking during the day now and uh it does nice. I can't see that going wrong. When I play in Colorado. His game is hilarious. People don't know.

Escape from Tarkov. There's a huge map. It's as big as like 20 Call of Duty maps. And you have to make your way to this. A couple different spots to get out with your stuff. Cool. So what X-File Camper does is he controls the exit that he expects people to go to,

and then just does nothing for a long time. And eventually stuff he's doing 40 minutes, regular player he's playing and he's watching YouTube videos. Might be listening to music. So 40 minutes later, after you've collected all your goods and had the time of your life, now you need to get out. And there he is looking like

camping your exit trying to get you and uh it's a viable strategy it's not considered super honorable one might say but uh it works sam do you wear a wedding ring yeah i saw a guy on uh reddit today that like something caught his wedding ring and it tore the whole finger off. And so they showed a picture of the hand next to the finger. He de-gloved his finger. Worse. Oh, you wish it was a de-gloving, bitch. They can fix that.

It tore his finger off. You ever eat hot wings, and you're just like, fuck it. I'm just going to rip the bones off. That's how you get the meat off. It looks like you did that to his hand. And there's stringy bits of meat on either side like like what's left on his hand and the ring is still on the fucking finger and the it's massacred and it's such destruction you they can't put that back you it ain't going back i would have to get one of the i know you don't

like do taylor lifts heavy weights like i doubt you do that sort of shit um or anything dangerous like that but like i would have to get one of those like rubber rings are the way to go is it rubber woodwork this is rubber they always wear a rubber ring i don't actually no i do remember where my real wedding ring is never mind where is it it's in my tell us all yeah yeah like if i were to walk through the front door where would i find it well you would of all, I'm going to tell you the points you need to be wearing. All right, I'm in. First, I'm going to tell you the access points to my house.

No, it's near my, it's on my bed stand inside it. Yeah, but it's just, I don't like. Top drawer or bottom drawer? There's only one drawer on my end table. Really? My nightstand? Yeah, it's only got, it's got one like cut out under area where it's just like open

and I put some stuff in there and then the other thing is just a drawer full of nonsense. I've got lubes, yeah. I've got two drawers, right? But on the top, there is a very thin little slat that'll slide out from in it and make a little table that'll like

you know, you could like throw some charcuterie on there maybe maybe whatever you want to do and then after you're done not what that's for but yeah carry on i know my audience yeah no i'm in 40 year old women like who the fuck's he loves charcuterie i love charcuterie you do oh my wife makes the best charcuterie i love you you do oh my wife makes the best charcuterie board man oh hell yeah it's great when you want to like feel fancy like you're eating little bits at a time but you're really eating huge amounts of food there's nothing better than charcuterie sushi you can kind of do the same thing how many drawers do you have in that nightstand woody in which nightstand you know the one beside your bed where you sleep at night one just one you have a nook there's a nightstand? The one beside your bed where you sleep at night. One.

Do you have a nook? There's a nightstand, then there's a big space, and then a shelf towards the bottom. Okay, that's a nook. We got the same one. Probably not the same one. It's like your shelf is on the bottom and your shelf is on the top. And I got the two drawer. Oh, no? You've got a top?

I have a top drawer. And then at the bottom there's a, no? You got a top? I have a top drawer. And then the at the bottom there's a shelf so that the legs don't succumb to racking forces. Understood, understood. How many chairs do you have in your home? I'm like, I don't know how many chairs there is. I'm just asking

questions. That's a great guy. A guy who asks retarded questions and then does like the journalist line. How many chairs are there in your home? I'm asking the questions. No one asked. People get offended because you're wasting your time. This is the America we live in, folks.

Where people will lie to you at a MAGA protest about how many chairs they have. We were talking about different levels of wealth uh a couple days ago and i thought today it was a perfect perfect perfect example uh with mike tyson beating the shit out of a passenger on a jet blue flight what happened with that and somebody was like why is mike tyson on a jet blue flight i'm like mike tyson was broke like five

years ago he's all the money he has came from podcasting and selling weed yeah um so like i'm like mike tyson was broke like five years ago he's all the money he has came from podcasting and selling weed yeah um so like i don't know how much that is it's a significant amount but it's not private jet money that you bounce around the country in your private jet kind of money it's not that money for sure um five million ten million fifteen still not there um so he uh he was on a jet blue flight first first class. Someone was like, I didn't even know JetBlue had first class. I didn't know that either. Apparently they do. And he's got the window seat.

It's being filmed from across the aisle. And this guy's boy or whatever is like leaning over Mike's seat, like being very animated. When I say boy, it's friend. It's an adult white man. He's leaning over the seat being kind of obnoxious and he won't leave mike alone and you can't hear what mike's saying because mike's using a normal man voice you know indoors and there's other guys like being so loud that you can hear everything he says even though he's facing the other way i thought i kind of

registered that as like an idea of what's he's saying so i understand he's leaning he's sort of standing up seated behind Mike Tyson. Yeah. And like leaning over at the waist over hovering on top of him. Yeah, he's like – and Mike's like looking up, being polite, talking to him for a while. At some point – and the video is like a bit chopped up. At some point things went awry. And Mike comes over his own seat on top of the man.

And I think maybe he's got one arm like against the guy's throat or chest or something but the other is just throwing these rapid little right hooks like oh wow such a great face the guy does after he gets his yeah dude i i mean we're talking about levels of wealth mike tyson just beat the shit out of elon musk elon's hair is better than that. Is it? I mean, no, he's doing Musk mouth. For sure. Is that Musk mouth? That pouty Musk mouth?

Yeah, he does have a little bit of... Is that what you call duck lips when a man does it? Elon Musk has fucking dick sucking lips. Elon Musk has had so much plastic surgery that he's looking

a little weird now. I don't even notice that. I need to look at before and after. What are you noticing? Is it a cheek thing? Well, the hair. But yeah, what I'm seeing is weird wrinkles in his cheeks and jaw. I'm looking for a picture that I think shows it.

Well, I mean, he travels very fast, I understand. And I think maybe you're seeing the effects of the inertia on him. It's a hyperspeed photo of him coming by really well the guy the guy's always on the move yeah see right there moving 150 miles per hour you can't say that like um the hair surgery wasn't a drastic improvement i mean oh yeah yeah i'm pro hair surgery um you don't really have to be critiquing him to say that this is a worse look than his younger self. Oh, yeah. I can't tell a difference other than his hair and his face, honestly. He just looks older. Maybe his nose a little bit.

They made his nose uglier. They got that straightened out for him. He's like, hey, I got a pretty nice nose. What can you do about that? We can ruin it. Give me one of those. His lips aren what you call nose lobes but those are smaller too the nostrils nose well like well what i mean is like i think of the nostril is the hole right just like uh you know there's the nipple and the areola like like the. The nose lobe is the areola of the... The nipple. Oh, you mean the chest nubs. Oh, okay.

Chest nubs. What did you call it? The nasal... They're nasal lobes. The nasal lobes. That's what they're called. There's a picture that shows it pretty well i think his skin sits on his face in an unnatural almost men in black way sometimes are you suggesting that perhaps there's a smaller being inside of elon musk puppeteering smaller than elon i mean it well it would unless he's larger on the inside like a tardis but i'm not going that far i you know he's had plastic surgery and you know that his face kind of goes wrong and when larger on the inside like a TARDIS, but I'm not going that far.

You know he's had plastic surgery, and you know that his face kind of goes wrong, and when he smiles, the wrinkles are in the wrong spot. He just looks a little unnatural to me. I don't know. This could be my inner hater coming out because he hasn't delivered self-driving cars like he said. Maybe that's the root of all this. Apparently, he's so ahead of the forecast that they had one of their best days ever. I was just watching.

Oh, sales-wise. Yeah. No, like everything. Like they're expanding their factory. Like everything is – they gave like an earnings report or whatever. I don't have it in front of me. But it was like five or six things that I guess the investors are looking for. And it's like, oh, yes, 60% ahead on this.

And then they went through the list. And I don't know the guys on bloomberg were super psyched on it i i was just half-assed watching it earlier um i wish you'd start a new cool project i've totally lost interest in electric cars i heard he robots is better i'm more interested in that. Yeah, I'm interested in robots that make me do less work. I want a robot dog that makes me love it. No, no, no, no. I want the robot human and I want it to be walking like a dog. I want a Roomba that mows my yard.

Yeah. That's what I want. And Sam, you could program it to compliment you. Would you want a man or... I want that thing to look at the ground at all times so you want like a subservient bot person right just the most which like the the worst way you could ever treat a human i want to treat my robot like that to do like household chores and stuff just whatever whatever you told it might just stand on its back and i want to crawl on all

fours of the mailbox so i don't have to move really would you go with like would you want a man you don't even have it do things because if you got if you got the male bot then i feel like he'd be able to he'd be sturdier and he'd be able to do more work obviously but if you got female but it's more you got a better carried around by a woman robot than it is to be carried around by like a big masculine robot. What color would you want? Silver. I don't care. What color would you want? I wanted to look like the iRobot robots, probably.

Oh, so you'd want a white one. Yeah, I want a white one. You wouldn't buy a black one because you don't like that. I don't want to punch down like that. If I was black, I would get a white one. How stupid do the iRobot, that movie iRobot, how stupid do they think the viewer was that they were like, oh, yeah, whenever the robot turns evil, its eyes just go red.

Its eyes go red, yeah. But why? Wouldn't he want to keep his eyes blue so he could blend in with the other million identical robots? That movie did suck. Did you notice how many times they try and get you to drink Diet identical robots that movie did suck did you did you notice like how many times they try and get you to drink diet pepsi throughout that movie i haven't seen it it was either diet pepsi or diet coke it was like there were like it was so obvious to the point

it's like coca-cola clearly paid them to have like coke trucks drive by and like will smith sit down and be like i'm stressed about this robot world give me a cold coca-cola you know what got mark there's two of those that that irritate the heck out of me one is um the will smith movie where he's the last guy in the world they're very aggressive zombies vampires yep i am legend i am legend and their ford placements was so obvious the opening scene is him tearing around the streets there's no one chasing him in a ford placements was so obvious the opening scene is him tearing around the streets there's no one chasing him in a ford mustang just being badass just looks like a car commercial it did look like a car commercial you're absolutely right they got paid um the reason it's

not as like why would you even do that is because if you go back to the uh the movie so it's been done three times and then there was a book before that the the story of like the the last man alive but the uh the cool one charlton heston is called like um omega man and uh there's a part right at the beginning i think he's a camaro or a corvette though you know a gm product and he's tooling around like being a badass and then like out of nowhere he pops up with a machine gun and like just kills a bunch of zombies and that's how you're introduced to the fact that like charlton heston is in a post-apocalyptic war world cruising around in a corvette and as soon as he sees these guys he's got a machine

gun ready it was fun it's a fun little movie will smith made it so goddamn sad with his hallucinations and his dead fucking dog cry me a jesus christ there's another one walking dead you guys know i watched the walking dead i've seen it more than every episode etc um takes place in 2010 probably everyone knows that these 2011 hondas are all over the place and every car is like a shitty 1986 chrysler k car covered in mud and dirt, except for these brand new, shiny, clearly daily washed Hyundai 2011 cars. Son, go get the Sonata. You start getting in the truck,

and it's like, we got to get out of here. Get in the Sonata. Look at that. Every car is a wreck. They're unattractive, except for the beautiful Hyundai. Yeah, I think it's got the corner angle and everything. If we're going to make it out of this, Carl, we're going to need a Hyundai Tucson.

An olive drab. So, yeah, they drive around. That is seafoam. Look at that. The other car has got damage on the hood the other one is ugly and square and then carl notice how the highway ride is so smooth i can hear the zombies coming up it's such a silent cab ride i can hear the zombies in the forest i forgot what rick's voice sounds like in the show because of the fuel economy years. I don't remember what he sounds like.

That's like a Texas oil man, and he's supposed to be like a Georgia boy. He kind of sounded more loony-toony than he was. I say, I say, we need to get rid of these zombies. I said, look at me, boy. Look at me. That is so funny. Hyundai Tucson. When I worked at Enterprise, I drove those all the time

those things fucking suck they suck they're not what you choose in a zombie apocalypse no I said the highway drive noise because it sounds like there's a midget in your backseat with cymbals when you're going over 60 in this thing it's terrible

yeah they had XM radio so that was the good part that's terrible. Yeah. They had XM radio, so that was the good part. That's not good. My truck came with XM radio, and I opted to not like it. I don't know. I just don't like XM radio. I really just want to listen on my phone, audiobooks or Spotify. That's what I actually use.

So anytime my phone's not plugged in, it reminds me what a cheap bastard I am not to have XM radio on the built-in radio and it's like hey if you want to listen to this you're gonna have to cough up some money is the only station my radio wants to play yeah and you'd think i'd change it to fm or something if from when the time is it goes back it always fine and and there's like five channels your phone fm am and then like xm radio xm radio xm radio so most of the time it would

land on it anyway most of the channels are xm radio it blows xm radio built in your car is not a feature like you think it is the day you bought it and for the first six months it's actually like advertising built into your car that you wish you didn't have i'm sure you're right that shit that's like the most captain hindsight shit i've ever heard like no one listens to xm radio the radio at all like yeah you got spotify you got bluetooth now like yes xm radio sucks it's it's a negative if i bought a tv that played its own ads, that would be parallel to my car. Yeah. But that's also me saying now, like, guys, LaserDisc, hate to break it to you. Hate to break it to you guys. LaserDisc ain't the future, all right?

It wasn't obvious to me. It's all about digital media. This is like 2018, and I hadn't bought a new car for 15 or 16 years. And we're still putting in cars in 2018? Yeah. I think they still are now. Dude, their whole business model is like sticking it in cars and six months free, try to get you addicted.

That's the way this works. Oh, it's like McAfee with like, it's just Norton like preloaded on a computer and you're like, get it out of here. Yeah. Yeah, like coming with McAfee is not a good thing in your computer and coming with McAfee is not a good thing in your computer. And coming with XM radio is not a good thing in your car. Oh, by the way.

Some of the. Oh, go ahead. McAfee was on my podcast, on your podcast. Yes. He's dead now. Right. So he won't be appearing on any more podcasts. Yeah.

We strike while the iron's hot. Right. That's why we're going to get Warren Buffett soon. Poor guy. Oh, really? I don't know much about McAfee other than he was a lunatic. But he was an entertaining lunatic. The best kind.

Yeah. And I thought, wasn't he supposed to have a kill switch with a bunch of stuff on it and then nothing ever came of that? Yeah. Where he's like, left. He just made up a bunch of shit hoping that if he killed himself, would his ego yeah juiced up a little bit he was supposed to have like i don't know papers on a boat sailing around the world ready to dock and expose whatever if they that didn't happen i don't blame him i mean when i'm gonna kill myself

like of course a year i'll plan it or whatever but like a year beforehand i'm gonna start making up lies about having a kill switch and like if i die you know no it wasn't me yeah i'll like have all sorts of shit i'll make up and then i'll die and nothing will happen because i'm not smart enough to actually make whatever a kill switch is but yeah why not you know actually my suicide plan you want to hear it it's pretty good okay so the whole plan is like uh you ever seen those those uh the things were like evil kenevil where he jumps the grand canyon yes i would i would set up a whole tv live tv event where he'd be like watch me jump the grand canyon and so you expect me to come out in like a big

like fast car or something like a jet car i'll just come out in a riding lawnmower with like a little watch me live on tv just go up the ramp and then teeter off the ramp and fall down into the canyon that'd be great you could do it in yellow face in a fat suit like homer on a skateboard slam into the ground we're gonna make it we're gonna make it i want the pyrotechnics to go off at the landing spot as if i actually time to have balloons lit off into the air and then everybody's like oh my god he just died like there was no chance and like your your wife has to get to get the news from your attorney he spent all of your money on the 30 000 doves

that were released as he was killed he's causing he caused not only that you owe money for the ecological damage of releasing 30 000 doves into that area yeah that's a good way to do it man for sure yeah i didn't think about the bankrupting of my family but they're gonna have to pay for that crime scene clean up at the bottom of the grand canyon i'm sure the ultimate prank yeah hey guys i'm gonna prank my family i spent all the money on top and killed myself they fucking deserve it man i was like when you were talking about kyle being sick non-stop i was thinking about it i was like this guy's only bitching about this being a weird occurrence because he doesn't have kids like i have two kids they're under three they deserve what they get they just come home and then they just into my face and i'm like it's constant and like i got the the blood test or whatever to see if i had uh antibodies for covid

and they're like oh my god you had it do you know when you had it when were you sick i was like i've been oh it's all it's all i've been i've just been sick for like a year it's constant i was like do i have hiv like why is this like why is my immune system so low that i'm just constantly coughing and i spent christmas just wrapped around the toilet i was like oh i'm finally feeling better because i'm not coughing and then i just started puking and shitting everywhere i'm like this what the and it's my kids they get it for like a second and then they pass it on to me. And my immune system hasn't had a chance to bounce back. I don't have a three-year-old's immune system. She's frolicking around going like, dad, why are you puking everywhere?

Well, it's because when dad was napping last night, you spit in my mouth. And you've been coughing all over my face and shit. I had my one, the one time i've had a friend like a little collaborator uh someone else that does youtube stuff i flew him out of my house i set up my basement to have a nice little bedroom for him and everything and this guy i was like god i hope i don't get him sick but he's like don't worry man he's shredded he's got like six packs fucking super jacked and everything he's like i'm perfectly healthy. Even if I get sick, I'll be fine. He was here fucking 18 hours or something.

And he all of a sudden was just like, oh, my God. And he pinpointed it to my daughter. Like, we were eating spaghetti, and we had, like, a baguette, and we were putting butter on it and stuff. And she goes, my daughter looks at him goes mr bissel you don't have any bread and she hands him like a piece of baguette and he's like i looked at her hand and it was just covered it was spaghetti sauce up her fucking arm on her forehead all over the bread and her mouth just had like boogers and shit and he's just like he's like thank you he told you you can't not accept food from a three-year-old right and then she sat there and just waited for him to eat it

why didn't you just do the fucking thing like when they give you plastic food yeah he ate that shit and like oh the next day dude all that we dude. We were in the middle of recording something and you can see the footage. He's like smiling and stuff and all of a sudden his face gets super serious. Less than a minute later, he marches into the bathroom and starts projectile vomiting. Oh, my. When I vomit, it just falls out of me because I have no core strength. I have no abs. This guy's abs, it looked like a Chinese finger trap.

Like you can see all the side abs like going, squeezing his stomach like a whoopee cushion and the vomit came out like a pressure washer. I was afraid he was going to shatter my toilet bowl with how much force it was coming out. And he pukes and then looks at me and like he i could see the regret from him just flying over he was just like i'm fine like it don't worry because i was like i am really sorry i'm so sorry dude it is so fucking true because like i have so many friends now that have young kids about those ages and none of them have autoimmune problems none of them have been historically sick and every other weekend now they are grievously ill because of their every every

weekend especially since they went back to preschool like there's been a wave i've seen where it's like oh we've had this on the we're at a barbecue plan for a month and it's like no they went back to preschool two weeks ago how was that suzy's dead that's that's like yeah i don't know my family just started casting the fishing line in the lake every day, and it seems like we catch a few fish every week. It's wild. It's like, yeah, you send those little fuckers out in the world to touch everything and lick everything,

and then you're like, hey, come back home. Let's see what you got. There's no social space. I'll just watch my daughter just walk up and finger another kid's mouth. It's like like you don't do that shit like of course they they mingle in ways that other you know like you just grow out of that shit even by four years old you're like finger fucking another person that you don't know is not like in their mouth it's not normal but apparently like three years old and younger and

they just do wild shit oh yeah like i i had never had someone cough directly on my plate before until i had a couple friends over and they brought their three-year-old and i was like hey what's up he wanted to talk to me or everything and i was sitting we were having dinner and he'd already eaten his little chicken nuggets or whatever and i have my plate of food we'd grilled something and he walked over just to see what we had and it was stuff on skewers and he's like why why why why is there a stick why is there a stick on your plate on your plate and like i was like and i like look at the parents and they're like you have to cover your mouth when you talk and he's like but i don't want to know why the why the stick is

in on your plate and it was and i was like that's disgusting and i kind i i continue to eat a little bit of it but it was like i didn't want to look like i didn't i didn't grill enough to just throw away two steak skewers you try being that brave at my house at my barbecue you'll be fucking puking and shitting by the next day i'm telling you i'm not gonna look her dog out there not getting sick that was a healthy kid yeah that was a that was an unusually healthy kid yeah he was like he was talking to me too and like kids like you know they start forming memories at a weird time my two little dogs are afraid of him because when he was like one and started to learn how to walk he would go over and like act like he was gonna pet him and then like poke give him the old three stooges

like in the eyes or he would like kick at them and be like hey hey don't do that and he was like walking towards the dogs and that like recently just a week or two ago and the dogs are running away he's like why why why are feisty and teddy afraid of me and i was like well because you you won't believe this but you're an asshole years ago there was a kid that came around and he kicked the dogs and so he's afraid of kids and he was like that that that's awful i would never do that oh i'm like well you're gonna have to do again so clearly you just show him the video and he starts crying i show him the video this do you deny that this is you to a three-year-old but yeah i can't handle that i don't have the faculties so your oldest is three sam yeah i was

just you just mentioned like your earliest memories and i'm thinking like when do you like when do i have to shape up as a parent? At what age do they actually start cataloging stuff? Four for sure. Three or four. Four for sure. Three or four? Yeah. I remember a lot of year four.

I remember a lot of that. I remember a lot of how memory works. But it's like those big events that happened, like injuries and scary times and fun times times things like that you you like i remember maybe a birthday party um not too much i think you could still have sex in front of four-year-olds i remember my probably not i guess you're gonna go at his house you you could they're not gonna stop you like yeah yeah big career of laying down advice to people don't fuck in front of a four-year-old that That's not a memory. This is the way you establish confidence.

Now we get bad advice. He's done a villain arc now. Don't do bad advice. Fuck in front of your kid, whatever the age. I don't care. Before they don't remember, at 17 they learn. You didn't cover your mouth when you coughed. Now you got to watch me fuck your mom.

17, they learn. You didn't cover your mouth when you coughed. Now you got to watch me fuck your mom. I'm the kind of dad who plays for keeps. He needs to know that I run that household. That probably would create a serial killer. Those muscle like poundy things that you guys recommended, I went and bought one of them. I got the ant.

It's got like for like putting on your like i don't know anything your legs or your arms or whatever it's like curved and uh because you know the expensive ones are three to six hundred dollars and i think you both i think you both said you got something off amazon maybe in the like 50 to 100 range or something mine was like 60 bucks four like what is i got one at 120 wore it out got one at 300 that's my arc wore it out what the fuck is this so all right masturbatory toy so so this is a this is a massager that you actually use to massage like sore muscles and stuff um very it's got the leds on the back this is the amazon special by the way this was 60 $60 on sale. It's hard to see. It moves so fast, you can't see it.

It doesn't look like it would feel good. It feels great. Put it on your cheek so we can see the movement. It looks like it would knock out his teeth. It really would. I think it would. Oh, it would probably knock some teeth out. We use ours to tenderize chicken sometimes.

Do you really? Mm-hmm. That's a good idea. Is this like a... Don't do that. Push harder on it. Do something cool, Kyle. Do something cool.

Do something better on me. I think it's going to spill coffee and glass on my lap. That'd be fun. Squeeze the glass while you do it. Yeah, I don't like mine. I used it like two or three different times after leg days because I'm like, this is going to revolutionize how sore my quads are. No, not at all.

Maybe I wasn't doing it long enough, but I can't imagine not doing it right. You just turn it on and put it on your quads. But I don't think it was doing anything. So I think I'm going to sell mine. I put it on the maximum level and really grind away at my legs, and it's excruciating. But after, it felt better. I just have one of those foam wheels that I roll my gamer back over.

Foam roller? I hate to bring you out. It confuses me, so hear me out if what muscle soreness is is lots of small micro tears in the muscle why would beating the fuck out of it actually make it better now i do it i like it it makes me feel like i'm doing something like like oh this hurts i'll just make it hurt so much that we get all the pain out like i don't know how that makes sense so i think it's a couple of things to it yeah it's uh it's getting it's bringing blood in there so it's it's flushing out all those all that dead material and uh speeding up the healing which is process but also i think that um man i'm real i've been smoking this thing too much huh he's he's doped out of his gourd

is he muted did i mute he's muted um okay he might be figuring out his mic we'll never know how that story ends that's uh that and That was ramping up to be a good one. Kyle's leaving the podcast now. Taylor's gone. It's just me and you. I think he was going to explain how muscle massages work. I bet. How backed by science do you think it'll be?

What? Muscle massaging? Yeah. I don't fucking know. I don't know. What? His opinion on it? I don't know. I don't think it's lactic his opinion on it it just like I don't know like I don't think it's lactic acid I think it's little tears and muscle and I don't see why beating your muscle would make it better muscle they say

blood flow but it makes my chicken cutlets better it does make my chicken come yeah yeah now if you're talking about whether or not beating that shit makes it taste more good and food then that's up my alley but i don't know about i didn't know there was not only a man that owns a muscle massager but fucking the three of you have like a weird little massager cult what the fuck you know i wore one out so zach wrote muscle massage will help your muscles heal. Rubbing the muscles and using pressure facilitates circulation by breaking up congested areas

and then allowing a flush of blood with the release of pressure. This increase of blood flow to muscle tissue feeds your cells both oxygen and nutrients. This is all premised on the idea that my muscles aren't getting blood and I'm not sure that's true. It gets more blood. Yeah true it gets more blood yeah

it gets more more blood okay but you were about to have some sort of riveting conclusion to that kyle and then you like well then then like like as my mic was fucking up i could hear woody's anti-lactic acid propaganda and i just didn't even want to justify that kind of talk with any further retort or response. Oh, okay. So you had your whole arc of first roaring anger as you were reconnecting, and you were like, he's not even fucking worth it because he's too old and set in his ways. He's not going to believe it. New information doesn't even—

He won't even remember it next week. Yeah, next week we'll have the same conversation again. He didn't know what the hell was going on. Look at him. He's like, Eisenhower's still president he doesn't fuck a lot of my back in my day when i started watching you you were already retired all right yeah i gave working a good try it wasn't for me oh i forgot to i forgot to mention this shit so i was like no offense watched you guys started making my own videos when you make them last

thing you want to do is fucking watch them right so i yeah and then i was like hey i found out you guys had the pka thing i didn't even know it existed i found out about it and this was a couple years ago now and i was like what's woody up to i went to go look at your channel this dude's a grown ass man with kids a wife that loves him and everything i know what his recreational activity is putting himself on a lawn chair with a box fan and flying around in the sky and he's like let's it i'm gonna kill myself i don't give a like you're supposed to take those hobbies like kyle can do that shit you get like a family yeah no one gets mad if you die people are waiting for you to die

you got like a podcast revenue share they're waiting to split up they're gonna poison you one day you'll be in here the moment i'm dead oh for sure yeah i'll take a spot see it now i hope you die i don't even know you really. And I'm dead like in two seconds. But like, Woody, you got dependents and stuff. You can't be zipping around and shit. Like the old man and up. What you're saying makes sense.

But the truth is, I can do all those things. You can do all sorts of things. You can rob a bank. Your rules will apply when someone else in this house can beat me up, which is not happening until Colin turns 21. You know what it is? You realize the kids are old enough. They can get by without me.

And the wife's young enough. She can remarry. Doesn't matter. I'm at that perfect age. That's it. Yeah. A nice little package put together with my money yeah she'll she'll have no trouble finding a suitor so that's the plan i guess yeah now i was looking for a video dude my youtube channel is constantly like asking me to verify with my phone and stuff now it seems to happen twice a week. Is that everybody? Just me?

Um, I've got a few things to do that, but, uh, in any case, I wanted to show you a video of like what I'm doing this weekend. I am a acrobatic paragliding pilot and I flip upside down and do all sorts of risky shit.

And, uh, we were doing it this weekend this year for the first time. I am so jazzed. It's, are you ready? Have you been like learning you and nice knowing you have you been learning like new tricks is there something you're gonna like show the boys for the first time when you get there like now i'm doing the inverted ass fuck it's almost the opposite like at the end of last season i learned a new trick

that like very few people on Earth can do. The loop-de-loop. Yeah, the loop-de-loop. It's called the infinite tumble, and I was very excited. I guess I thought I was at an age where I was done life accomplishments. There would be no more. It started off back in the old days doing the life-saving. That was a big thing i still

hang my hat on and then you know there was some like athletic accomplishments and swimming and and uh and then that was i guess i was proud of my youtube audience and some money earning and stuff and then it was like that's it that's it for the rest of my fucking life nothing cool will happen until i learn the infinite tumble yeah it's not up there i i'd mention making money saving a life or two there baby the earnings like i'm kind of proud of running a successful business um but uh but then i thought it was like done like i would never do anything cool for the rest of my life i would just sit there and talk about the shit i used to do and i learned the infinite tumble and uh like i have like a little lawn chair look Look at me. I have a little friend group.

We were all chasing this move. And I think if you were to watch us fly, maybe you wouldn't have guessed. Maybe the first one. It's like a somersault. Head over heels. Oh, yeah. I am very impressed that you call that. I bet there aren't many people who can do this.

However, like you were competing with your friends as you could do it first. Are they all in a similar situation where they can take off from their backyard and practice anytime they want that's not his problem yeah that does sound like a problem by a non-infinite tumbler actually so this is a move that the way i do it is i learn over water where it's a little safer to fuck up and then um oh wait that's me that's the video how did zach find it it's un little safer to fuck up. And then... Oh, wait, that's me. That's the video. How did Zach find it? It's unlisted. Go ahead and play it, Zach.

It's a little stuck. I don't know. Maybe he needs a newer computer. But, wow, we are really not working. How cold does it get up there? So this was in November. Why don't you use a good camera for this? Don't you love a question like that?

The thing on my face isn't really for cold. It cuts the wind noise across my ears because it's loud as fuck to be dragged along at 40 miles an hour or whatever. But yeah, so this is it. You can see I'm kind of doing like a front somersault over it if you can make out what's going on yeah and uh it was a really cool move it was a big moment for me and there it is look i didn't okay it's smoothing out yeah but it's over i like that face wrap you've got you look like you little you literally are like eight hundred dollars worth of equipment away from being a superhero like you just need a little bit of weaponry and armor and you're there like some lightweight stuff like that. That's what you would tell your like your your Alfred or your cue or whoever's like going to design this shit.

You've got to be lightweight. Like there'd be a lot of carbon fiber in there. You'd use a wine. Have you considered using, you know, a plane? No, I want to fly on this ridiculous long chair if i use a plane they'll know for sure i'm a billionaire this way i just kind of look like a lunatic aren't you in the south i'm in north carolina you're in north carolina that's yeah that's uh that's right there i would watch fuck out dude if yeah i was about to say if you were lying over my property, I would be like, what?

This is a couple years ago. There's one property that, to me, is like a maze. You can zip around, and it's not hard to navigate, but there are, I don't know, I call it 100 feet wide filled with trees that are like 100 feet tall. And you can zoom around, and there's turns and stuff to make so you're like banking sideways turning and it's a blast to me a little dangerous but it's it's a really good time and i'm zipping around a couple feet off the ground between these t trees doing like following the path and there are two turkey hunters there and i can tell i have accidentally fucked up their day like i don't think there's any turkeys joining me in my flying escapades and these two guys with their

guns are looking at me murderously and i'm just like i'm so sorry and i left but do you know what you should get for your rig is some kind of horn. You should be able to communicate with people on the ground. Coming in! A megaphone would be awesome. That would be really cool. Alert hunters! Straight down off your chair.

You can sit there and do this. Yeah, that'd be dope. You could do some like maybe there's some bad weather coming in. Hit the skies, right? Let the neighborhood know. Tornado warning. Let them know when you're up there. Severe thunderstorm warning.

I'm now 300 feet above the nearest object. Sitting right by a metal... Actually, I guess you wouldn't get shocked. You aren't grounded, are you? No, lightning hits airplanes and shit all the time. Yeah, all the time. I don't know how lightning works. I don't think anyone's ever hit a...

I don't think anyone understands lightning. It's one of God's wonders. One of nature's mysteries. One of nature's mysteries. What is thunder? One of nature's mysteries. One of nature's mysteries. One of nature's mysteries. One of nature's mysteries. What is thunder?

The longstanding wisdom has been it's God clapping. And science only proves this point further. Dude, those are the kind of videos I had to like watch in Sunday school where they'd be like, that's just some like badly acted trio like in front of the and they would do like live action stuff i know kyle had to go to sunday school and stuff like that but i remember at least one evolution thing where like i'm seven i don't have a dog in this fight and i don't care but they're like dinosaurs what a fable and i'm like immediately you've lost me like you you're gonna tell a five-year-old dinosaurs are fake and expect me to pay any attention you had seen jurassic park i'd already

seen it those dumb bitches i knew dinosaurs were real and i knew that those fucking scientists who said they might have feathers i knew they were wrong too and look who ended up on top i want to run a democrat church steven spielberg? Adam and Eve ate the apple. That's how we learned about cancel culture. Next is Tucker Carlson. Makes a lot of sense to me. Adam and Adam. You guys see that video of Bill O'Reilly

yelling at the airport person? No, I can believe it. That's what happened. By the way, that dude aged. He got off TV and he was just like, I'm turning into an old man now. Like, he just looks old as shit. And it's one of those situations where the person's like, hey, your plane's not going to be on time or whatever.

It's, like, canceled. Your flight's canceled. And he's like, you're personally responsible for this. He's like, I'm going to fucking, you're going to get fired, bitch. I'm Bill O'Reilly. Like, he basically said that where he name dropped himself and then fucking, you're going to get fired, bitch. I'm Bill O'Reilly. Like, he basically said that where he name dropped himself and then said that they were going to get fired and then, like, teetered away. Like, I've never seen, like, he's just so old looking.

What if they were like, you're not Bill O'Reilly. Bill O'Reilly looks like Gene Hackman, like virile and strong. Bill O'Reilly's not an old fucking man that's, like, doing that weird bent back thing that old guys do and uh he's a way i'm watching the video he's a way bigger guy than i thought he was he's is he like six four he's a he must be he's towering over everyone else in the video have you seen the new tucker carlson special i haven't seen a single one ever ever so i don't watch the news the news so like tucker carlson has of course the

regular show where he does his monologues and stuff but he has another like i think it might be internet based where he does these longer like series types things and if i understand the premise i've only read about it and watched videos about it i I haven't seen it directly, but I'm curious. He's saying that in men, testosterone or sperm counts are going down, and it's changing the way our culture works to allow LGBTQ women to be the dominant cultural movement, and these beta guys are just being roughed up by them getting cucked.

And that's why the nation is moving to the left. And Democrats are the way they are. Like it's basically the premise of it. And that seemed unrealistic. That seems like something that only a guy that has everything in his life paid for would even fucking care about. I was stuck on this idea of tucker carlson calling everyone now like what else are you gonna be pissed off about he's gonna be like uh dudes aren't as strong or whatever they're doing more things now like how's tucker gonna call everyone a beta cuck

tucker like think of every anchor man in like the in the news right chris Chris Cuomo kicks Tucker's ass. A prime Chris Wallace kicks his ass. Jake Tapper kicks his ass. Sean Hannity, I'm looking for. He kicks Tucker Carlson's ass. You're on mute, Taylor. A prime Bill O'Reilly. Is there anyone more beta than Tucker Carlson?

So let me get this straight. You can take Rachel Maddow. Touche. Do you have to be tough to tell the news, though? You have to be tough to call everyone else a beta cuck low-T idiot. I think that's how you took it. You missed the point. He's talking about, like, our culture.

Well, I'm just going on the way you described it. If anyone's at fault, it's you. Yeah. Name one bad thing Tucker's done ever. One. You got one bad thing tucker's done ever one you got me name one bit of misinformation you can't he's on russia's side i don't know i don't say that like my interpretation he's like they're telling me i can't be on russia's side which i am i think so a lot of people agree with agree with what tucker's saying there um to a point like him mixing the lgbt thing or whatever in there is is like his own like spin

on something that's like a widely held little cultural belief by a lot of like uh sociologists and i don't know internet scientists i know that like uh his like point about gay people whatever i don't understand that but i know that like like scientists have been tracking testosterone for a while it is going down like yeah because of like environmental causes they think that like the use of some plastics and stuff that can get into you because like like that's why there's like a big thing of like bpa free now with plastics because like it used to be they didn't you know use those for shaker bottles and then they're like oh fuck we did a bunch of research and it looks like this has something in it that's leeching out into your drink and so i i could totally see like think of how much the world has changed and since the

industrial revolution like we're dealing with stuff in our environment that no other large human populations ever have before so it seems like it'd be hard to narrow down i don't think testosterone kind of like um you know like masculine uh how am i trying to phrase this here do you think like uh i don't hunt for my fucking food i go to the grocery store and go like i want the food and i get it for me but like back in the day you know my grandpa he went out and he was like hey it's the great depression i found me a possum i'm gonna put this thing in a fucking cage name name it, feed it a bunch of sweet potatoes so it doesn't taste like garbage anymore,

and then I'm going to twist its fucking head off and, like, doing, like, weird masculine shit like that or, like, going and... Like, my uncle used to just go hunt boar and he would shoot it and then it would be on the ground and he'd go over there and fucking knife it in the throat 37 times to make sure it's dead. I'm like, I would have like ptsd if

i did one of those things like i can't even like i've done all those things they're fun all right i think that i think testosterone probably have dropped no no i'm saying like do you think doing that thing do you think that's like that like you know it makes a more masculine that increases your testosterone yeah do you think think doing things like that? Oh. My body probably knows it has no need for testosterone because I haven't done anything manly. I scared a dog off last week from my property. That's strong.

So I know that doing squat. And it ran. I got testosterone. My man boobs disappeared immediately. I felt stronger. Came back the next morning. There's a bunch of environmental things like that that can increase testosterone.

I know that doing squats raises your testosterone just like that physical activity of doing them does. Heavy lifting does. I'm sure there's lots of things like that. I tried to find a better source for why testosterone is dropped than the other things and it appears that this is according to urology times which i

assume to be subject matter experts and not political it is a population in america has aged compared to where it was before we have more old people than we used to and the body fat has gone up which also lowers that makes sense so fatter people and older people have lower t uh they're not pointing to plastics at urology times but maybe tucker carlson knows better i have no idea i just no i've heard the plastic thing it's something i've heard but yeah the fat thing is probably the most salient like an age yeah like being carrying that much adipose tissue like does fuck up your endocrine system people living longer right like maybe i'm sure i don't know to what extent but if uh if everyone used to die at 70 and now they die at 80 then there's that whole chunk of population bringing down the averages that didn't make sense make sense but

you would think that like it would out somewhere. I don't know. You think we're masculine now. Of course not. Of course not. And the boomers are such a big generation. I guess that makes sense. They're kind of like top hit. I'd like to see Fox News take that approach. Average T-levels are dropping because of you fucking boomers. And the whole audience is like,

what? You hurt my feelings. Yeah. Tucker has to go on and be like, american news you're all too fat immediately like show canceled it's like you want you went against the golden goose fat people have you noticed who advertises on every news network it's dick pills and fucking heart medication those are the people who buy products who still watch the news okay okay wait wait you're a little producer here guy hanging out behind the scenes okay dropping information he says uh the average 20 to 34 year old man could apply 98 pounds of force with a right-handed grip down from 117 pounds

by a man of the same age in 1985. Yeah, like we ain't working in factories no more, dude. We got computers and things. Like, of course, our hand grip strength isn't going to be like what it was back then. Like every dude like went off to go work at the factory when he was in like seventh grade. All right, so the guy from 85 could squeeze 115 or whatever what could the guy from 1950 squeeze i bet it was 130 or something and go back 30 more the fun you go back they're just getting stronger and stronger yeah okay i'm back when everyone was a blacksmith or a wagon wheel maker that number's 300 yeah yeah

how much could a blacksmith as like his uh his like hobby a lot dude's fucking hands look like catcher's mitts yeah it used to scare me when i was a kid like he would if you know like if the adults like hey come here and then you go like oh no i'm in trouble and so you go to run you'd go to run and you'd feel that fucking hand grab your shoulder and it was like a gargoyle like his fucking hands he had calluses around his fingernails and shit yeah blacksmith that's a cool hobby did he make anything for you like a little dagger or a knife or anything i got a shield right here get a kite shield oh that's awesome i used to uh play diablo 2 all the time i was like i want a shield

like the paladin and he's like what did it look like i was like i don't know and so he was like okay i'll make you that that's pretty cool that's really neat yeah and i got it taken away from me for a while because i hit my brother with the fucking sharp corner end on it and then i wasn't able to have my awesome shield for like a year and a half. Are you older than your brother? No, he's older than me. Oh, how much older is he? Five years. So you must have snuck up behind

him to get a good strike like that, right? No, I always beat him up in fights. At five years younger, that's unbelievable. Can he walk? He's one of those people where like uh is he is he physically retarded no no he's actually he's bigger than me too he's just a big guy he's just one of the he just doesn't have the some people just don't have like a

fighter spirit you know like they you know what i mean like somebody doesn't have yeah yeah he doesn't have your killer instinct, General Sam? No, I don't have, like, I'm not even, like, a fight guy, but I just have more than him. Like, I would get rolled by basically the average woman, like, let alone man. Like, most people would roll me. But he's so far down the hole for me that, like, he would. How big is he? He's pretty big. I mean, like. big i mean like six three no he's not that

tall he's just like barrel chested he's like a big he's a big dude he's a blacksmith no that was my uncle that was the blacksmith my brother yeah this is my brother that uh now my brother kind of just looks like a fucking he's like a biker dude he's got he's just big big fucking beard and everything covered in tattoos doesn't look anything like me sounds like you were i would go to hit him and then he would uh he's five years older of course i'm a scrapper i'm gonna go for the fucking throat i mean yeah yeah it's yeah and i would also i was kind of not to you know tug my own horn or anything but i was kind of like uh you ever seen those movies um sherlock holmes tug your

own horn sounds so much dirtier than toot your own horn that's a great one i like that i've never ever seen uh sherlock holmes where he would like break down the scene of a fight before it happened yeah it's so yeah i had like a really retarded version of that where like i knew a conflict was coming and i would just like scan really quick for like the nearest thing to use as a weapon and he was very much like i'm gonna just have a fight because this is my brother and uh and i've like we had this family cruise that we were going on and we got into a fight over something i forget what and uh i took a birdhouse like a decorative birdhouse and i fucking just got right into his face and i got the corner of it like right in the forehead

and it shattered everywhere and uh and i got in big trouble and everything but then we went on the cruise and like as you're going up the entrance ramp they take a picture of the family and everything we got this great photo of my brother he has like a egg on his forehead that then has a bloody hole right in the fucking middle it looked like a jelly donut hole you know it had like a little bit of blood on it for me hitting him with that thing but yeah so like my brother's just kind of an overall pussy is what i'm saying if you're watching sounds like it sounds like what's he gonna do about it the guy's got no fighting spirit. Come get your ass beat again, bitch. He's got the shield right here.

I got the shield back, bitch. Come at me. Did he ever bully you when you were littler? Like, did he, like, when you were too small to fight back, did he knock you around? No, he's like, you ever seen those mafia guys that come by and they do, do like protection rackets and they're like oh you know you gotta pay us a little bit of money or else something might happen

you know you and if you don't pay him they yeah he would do shit like that where he would like act like he's your friend you know he's just like whoa like santa brought me like two kickballs and i'm like santa obviously brought us a kickball you want a kickball for me my mom can't sit there and go like oh santa like because then my brother's gonna be like what you talk to fucking santa you don't talk to him you were sleeping santa brought me two kickballs and so like he would divvy up the fucking christmas toys and shit and i got as though he was being magnanimous yeah and he would do shit like that and i don't know i don't know how many times i woke up to like two kickballs i would end up getting one back but it's the fact that on christmas morning it got robbed from me

is basically i love that look at this that's pretty shitty too that's pretty shit can you believe it again i used to wake up to like the sound of change clinking and i would like roll over and he would be digging through my change uh jar getting all the quarters out so he could and then i would just like it's 8 a.m like i i can't just wake up and start chucking bird houses at 8 a.m like sometimes you've got to pick your fights but you just do it knowing that like we're not gonna get into a fight to the death at 8 a.m like i'm stealing from this guy right now so that's why i've always had a thing for like uh locking shit up and like little boxes with locks and like hidey holes and i used to take like altoids cans and like put shit in them and then put them in a ziploc bag and bury them in the backyard uh my uncle had a rug that if you pull the rug up, there was a

safe, a cylinder safe down in the slab. And I was like, oh, that's like John Wick shit. Like, he's hidden safe under his house. That's so badass. And so, yeah, I should stop talking. Don't, if you guys break into my house and look behind picture frames and shit, I'm

going to be pissed. Like, any of these things I'm talking about i have none of these things how about like when you pull a drawer out like that underneath area of the drawer there's probably nothing hidden in there at your house i actually just installed a drawer on my desk yeah that up underneath it or up above it is a hidden little area that, like, when I move this desk to Colorado, that's where I would store my weed. Child pornography. Oh, yeah.

But that's only when I have the desk in Colorado, which is all the time I move it over there. But right now it's in Florida, so there's nothing there. Yeah, it's rough. You know they have medical marijuana in Florida, I hear. Oh, and I have a herniated disc in my back or maybe anxiety for that good night it's anti-inflammatory dude you can get it if you just are like i want to get high yeah google florida um medical marijuana and there's like a whole process that'll walk you through it's they hold your hand yeah oh my god and i get my hand held every state has it this is incredible all right yeah i'm i mean

if for some reason i get you know or someone's trying to narc on me i do have my license already but thanks for the information yeah yeah and there's a good stuff reddit for it too it's called like uh legal florida trees or florida trees or something like that and uh like. All the users find the best dispensaries and which ones are rip-offs and which ones have good shit. It's pretty cool. They got a whole weird quasi thing in Florida. Florida's great. This DeSantis guy, I didn't know

anything about him, but he's been in the news so much lately that I've just been getting exposed to him. I guess this thing he's doing to Disney, I guess they've been sort of their own self-governing i saw something about that are they were they like a micro nation what the hell is going on with disney yeah the vatican down there they seem to have their own fire and police force that's wild i'm not sure i mean they're they're so large like so my i didn't read about it my wife was telling me about it. Apparently,

they don't fully fund their own fire and police force. The debt that they have gets spread across the other counties. They're getting a sweet deal. Don't take these numbers to heart, but apparently they're in the billions at this point. What DeSantis is threatening to do,

if this is even close to right. That part's news to me. Well, I mean, they voted on it today. Oh, okay. Then I'm a little out of date. It was going to cost Disney billions to sort of pay off the debt that had been previously spread around everywhere else. Wait, the company collects taxes? Disney?

That's what it says right here. That's what the producer guy, he's the voice of God. He can't be wrong what it says right here that's what the producer guy he's the the voice of god he can't be wrong he says right here yeah they they apparently it's a provision that allows the company to collect taxes and issue bonds is that bans or issue bonds yeah i bet they can issue bans as well oh my god yeah your band boom disney power um no i think i was i was watching a youtube video and um the democrats were screaming the democrat legislators were screaming to try to like delay the meeting and of course like everybody else is being a professional so they're just hitting gavels and reading like the minutes or whatever the fuck they do. And now we'll look at Bill 31 CBR. And meanwhile, it's like

murder! They're screaming. They're screaming. Blue-haired screaming people in the background. And they're the legislators. They're so loud and obnoxious. And they literally voted on three things in a row. I think they redistricted the state.

And then they're like, got that done? Alright, let's fix that. And then they're like, all right, got that done? All right, let's fix that. And then they took Disney's power away. All right, we got that. And then they went on to some other third thing. Now let's vote on this bit shutting the hell up, everyone. Yeah, so Florida had a... Normally the

legislature, this is the state senate and the state representatives district the state, which is determining the lines where the different representatives come from. And for some reason, the ones that they came up with weren't okay. So the legislation was like, you know, fuck it. Let's just let the governor do it. And he's like, oh, no, don't threaten me with a good time. And I must have passed today. So if you're a Republican, this is probably really good news.

I would imagine the Republican governor made lines that Republicans like. So what does it mean that Disney World is going to have, or Disney's going to have to pay back for all the beneficial treatment they've been getting? CNN, actually CNN told me that now, according to CNN, now the Orange County taxpayer might be getting hit with like $2,500 per four member of family now that Disney was footing the bill for before. But then that's CNN's propaganda for you. So I'm not sure. Fox News will tell me the opposite, that the families are all going to receive like a stipend or something.

That is bullshit, though. Like just from any perspective, like like when Walmart, when you hear that like walmart like every walmart employee is also getting government benefits because they don't pay enough and so it's like okay so we're just subsidizing a workforce for walmart that's bullshit like that's not fair that's not fair at all it's trash when's the last time you were in a walmart i haven't been to walmart in a while i have nothing against walmart i like it. What, are you scared of them? No, I mean, if I need to go somewhere and get one at anything. Nothing against Walmart, though.

Nothing against the esteemed Walton family. God rest their souls. When's the last time I've been in a Walmart? Again, I'm not afraid of Walmarts. Don't accuse me of being too big a pussy. I'm not saying you guys are afraid. I'm saying you're not quite trashed. I'm accusing you of having just a little class.

You hear that, Walton family? Kyle Myers in northern Georgia says, give me all you got. He won't be bullied by these Waltons. You can challenge them to fit a wall. If I go to a Walmart, it's typically when I'm on the road. Walton's challenge them to if I go to Walmart it's typically when I'm on the road you know like

I want pistachios or something for my backpack and I'm because they hold well on a motorcycle ride I wanted a an angle grinder the other day that cost $22 and wouldn't you know it there's only one place in the world you can find that

I got the cheapest I got the cheapest fucking angle grinder they sold and some of those wire brushes and i polished up all those uh those weight plates like strip the the paint off of them and stuff and uh yeah walmart's great for like the cheapest shit you could ever buy like anything like that i go to walmart because it's close by and i don't know where else you go to buy like i don't know cheap cheap power tools that i intend to throw away in six months yeah i refuse to go i make my wife go i say i'm not gonna step foot in there it's beneath me it's a smell yeah no i just i think it's dangerous and i'll send her in and i'll go if you make it out alive please come home that makes a lot of sense

yeah i think it's fair you You're the one streaming. Right? Bill's got to be paid. This can't get damaged. I mean, look, you'll go into Marwright when she knows where the ex-fills are. Yeah. And more importantly, like, right down the road, like, it's not that much further of a drive. There's a fucking Publix, which you're never going to get

knifed or, you know, assaulted at a Publix. Yeah, Publix are nice. I like Publix. They're're never going to get knifed or, you know, assaulted at a Publix. Yeah, Publix are nice. I like Publix. They got good sandwiches. Like the pre-made sandwiches, because they're cheap as shit, and it's like twice the size with the meat of a Subway sandwich. I was like,

too, because the bag boy always asks if you want to help carrying your groceries out. And I'm like, I'm not going to ask a physically retarded person to carry my groceries like that is no i do that every time no i i do that every time i feel like i hook my bags on the back of their little man no that that makes those guys day like like i feel like i bet they see that like the other guys who aren't retarded like often get asked by the old ladies to help them out and they're like why does no one ever ask me they don't think i can do it so i always find like the most messed up bag boy i can and i'm like dude i i can't handle this can you help me out we make

his day he knows you can handle those you're placating no no no he doesn't fucking ripped you could carry that's the best part no i act like i can't lift the milk and stuff he's just and then he grabbed his mind he knows exactly what you're doing he's not four years old dude he's like i'm on kyle's team like dude the other day i'm at the movie theater and there's a guy in a wheelchair he talks shit to me and i'm like it would be an insult not to kick his ass right like if i don't beat the fuck out of this guy then i'm not treating him like i do everyone else yeah so more was too much yeah i thought it looks like you've got a date with a set of stairs wheels yeah you just bully him and then you're dropping banana peels behind you on this spinning out yeah no i i agree with kyle like you let him help they feel like i have i have an exact

experience with this i was carrying a 12 pack a couple years ago of like uh lacroix or whatever the fuck and i got it out into the parking lot. The whole thing collapsed, all the cardboard and all these cans fell out. And who came? The able bodied, the average IQ, they're passing me, not even looking, not even caring. And then this angel, this kind, mentally handicapped gentleman comes over, starts picking up the cans with me. He didn't have to do that. He was on cart duty. And I remember now. Now, every time I see that guy at that store, at that Dearburg's, I'm like, yeah. He doesn't remember me, but I don't say anything.

I'm just like, yeah, I remember that guy. That guy's tight. He helped me out. And he enjoyed helping, I could tell. Oh, yeah. But I wouldn't make a mess for them to get involved helping. I wouldn't make him carry my groceries if I didn't need help. All right, you can help me.

Next time I buy a bar or something really small really small i'll be like carry this for me and then i'll leave them out don't eat it to my car i know your type taylor taylor have you ever seen like how happy huskies are when they get hooked up to the the uh you know the plow or whatever are you about to equate these people to dogs? They're doing what they love. They're doing what they love. To you, you're like, I don't want to get hooked up to something and pull some guy in a sled and yell mush. That's the worst thing

ever. I don't want to carry groceries either. But to that guy, oh, he loves it. He loves it. He's a PhD of groceries. He's mastered it. Yeah, I don't want him touching my shit. They don't wash well, do they? It's like you go into the bathroom at that grocery store.

Fucking keep your hands to yourself. Dude, you remember when you were a kid and you didn't understand like that certain things weren't diseases because i remember like i went into an old folks home with my mom i'm like a young kid and it was to see my great grandfather at the time it was many many years ago and when i walked in i was just like oh and i just walked around like this with my shirt over my face like it was such and i was like a four- walked around like this with my shirt over my face. Like it was such and I was like a four year old kid. And my mom had to tell me repeatedly, like, stop doing that.

Like you're walking around like saucer eyed, like smelling death for the first time in your life. And you want to pull it up over your nose. And I remember thinking in my head, I didn't think like these old people are dying. Yeah, I thought like, how is everybody else not covering up their nose from this and now you realize old people their noses are shot they're the noses is that true i've never experienced this yeah well you never you never smelled the smell of death yeah smell of old people you know when i was a kid i would i would actually i would know for sure And old people have it on them? Yeah, like if you walk into like...

Yes, you know what? The ICU smells different than another fucking wing of the hospital, dude. You walk in those rooms and they got a stench. Forgive me, I'm a little confused about what we're saying here. Are you suggesting that people of a certain age begin to smell like death? Or are you saying that where someone has died, then that room now smells like death? No, we're not talking about decomposing talking about people who get to a certain age get to a smell of death

like this you can smell the afterworld approaching it's not you know what I can prove it here's what you're doing you're equating your death smell is the smell of like a hospital where people dies I bet I bet it's the smell of like bleach and fucking maybe a little smell of like a hospital where people dies. I bet. I bet it's the smell of like

bleach and fucking maybe a little bit of like urine or something and like it's the hospital smell, but there's no if you take that old smell like that, man. All right, you take a you take a hundred and three year old dying person out of that ICU. You drag

him out on the beach somewhere in Florida. Throw a little sand on them. Smell them now. They don they don't smell like death well you just smell like a dead beach yeah you fucked it up you can't i'm just fairly hide the death smell and i could like i went my great grandpa he used to introduce me to his very old friends there at the old folks home and the ones that smelled like really very much of death I would I would curl up at the foot of their bed and sleep there and I could almost predict their deaths

yeah like how close to the time when somebody was going to die by the time I woke they were gone I was kind of yeah how old were you I was fucked up. How old were you? I was probably two. This was last year. I was 30.

I can't imagine you curling up at the foot of my bed. You're like a big dude. I just imagine the beds compressed. You're laying on their legs. I'm totally on top of their little legs. It's like this fucking 250-pound guy laid over my legs and crushed them and then he got up and i got blood clots into my heart have you have you seen those stories of cats that can predict yes when people will die now you can say that's obviously made up. Explain how all of these anecdotes from the same narrative driven old women who are bored line up the same.

I dare you. I got nothing. You're saying that all these people are just looking for attention. It happens to be that a cat can walk into any room and predict death pretty reliably. It's in like nursing homes, right? Yeah. Someone should tell like whoever comes up with that shit. They're like, nobody cared when you were going to die anyway.

The idea that you had the date nailed down is not a big deal to us. Yeah. Dude, that's got to be the most depressing thing in the world. God, you're supposed to laugh. That was an awful thing I said. No, it made me feel sad. It made me think about how horrible of a death

that would be alone in a nursing home the nurses are tired of your shit they're like rude to you sometimes they smack you or something yeah like just knowing you're gonna die the most depressing thing do you guys know what a death doula is uh-uh okay so what a doula is is a they're typically a birth doula and they serve as like the mommy advocate at the hospital. Right. They make sure that they're getting the attention they need. And they're just kind of like an experienced friend paid that, you know, that's the doula. They're their helper. A death doula is someone who is your buddy as your mom or grandfather dies or whatever.

And they've been through this process many times before. And they're just helping you understand what's going on and feeling a little better about it. We watched our mother-in-law as she fought cancer towards the end. Okay. And this person wasn't officially a death doula, but she kind of filled that role. She was a hospice worker and she would come by and visit every day and kind of

predict death like you know look her over and be like three to five days from now like oh maybe tomorrow how did you pick a good one they don't have reviews we didn't pick her but we got a good one so you know the hospice assigned her to us and um one time she's over and she's with jackie and uh she would just visit for like 30 minutes and explain like what the death rattle is and the breathing patterns and you know there was you'd think a pamphlet wouldn't be helpful but it was just like reading through what's brand new information to us well phrased did you want to say something kyle i didn't want to interrupt but i had a question is the pamphlet all text or are there any cartoons of dying people in it there's like uh pencil sketches of x's over the eyes no not like that but but like you know like you know a woman's

hair and like a position she might lay in is like a pencil sketch. Brownie faces. No. All right. So let me continue anyway. Uh, so one time she comes over and she's usually there for like 30 minutes and like, she might help change the sheets and stuff. You have to move someone this far along,

very gingerly. And, you guys are laughing at my mother-in-law dying. I am not. I, I, so that wasn't my intention. One time she comes over and she's like,

she helps, she does her, she's finished. And she does this, like, you know, she finishes and she's like, you know what?

Maybe I should stay. And that was her. Like this woman's got minutes left and she was right she could see that and she was by the smell by the way that's that's what it was she was by jackie's side uh in the final minutes of her mother's life and um on one hand this is like literally a hero to me like someone like this job the function that she serves is huge and valuable in this world. But I could never do it. They're a horrible job.

Right? They're always good. Hospice doesn't fuck around. I just imagine like – Every single person was super professional. And they did the same shit. They walked in. And once again, by the way, Kyle, fuck you.

It was the smell. They walked in and went, yep, he's going. And they – Who is this you're talking kyle fuck you it was the smell they walked in and went yep he's going and they uh yeah within like 30 minutes oh it was my grandfather okay they took a whiff and they were like soon they fucking they they they even opened the door they put their nose to the floor right at the crack and they went see i've never heard of that but i have heard see what we did when my grandmother was going we had a guy come in with a divining rod you know like they find wells with. He put that over her head to toe, and he was like, eh, yep, yep, yep. Did he drop the little stick on her?

Yeah, it dipped. What are those called? A divining rod. A divining rod. Yeah, you've never seen someone do it? They can find wells or dying people. Not dead people, not alive people, but right in between. Right in between.

That thing will go wacky. Purgatory people. I do know. They say it'll not alive people, but right in between. That thing will go wacky. They say it'll lead you to water, right? Yeah, so I've had a well drilled before or an attempt. The way it works is you pay $900,000. The defining people didn't. He failed. Well, I mean, if it's

not there, he can't find it. So they drill three times and whether it works or not, we're going to drill up to three times um so they drill three times and like whether it works or not we're gonna drill three times up to three times no you pay one flat fee and the deal is he'll the deal is he'll no you pay for the three drill package you get the beams yeah he comes out with the rods though and the rod dips and he drills and he's like nope and i'm like hmm and he gets back out with the rods and drills and nope and then the third time he gets like a trickle and he's like, nope. And I'm like, hmm. And he gets back out with the rods and drills and nope. And then the third time he gets like a trickle and he's like, ah, I knew there was something here.

But it still wasn't enough for a while. I'd be like, fuck you. I'm picking the next spot. Like, this is my money. What am I just guessing? I'm going to throw a rock? Yeah, it's more accurate than the stick, man. Is the stick accurate or not?

No, it's a fucking stick. It's called water dousing. And it seems to be a way that you fooled people before science was around. Yeah. Are you sure? Okay, so here's my story. This happened this fall, this winter. It just happened.

We have an underground hose that goes from the well to the stable and in the stable there are some like faucets and shit okay uh there's a puddle in the yard that doesn't belong there it's at a high point like water wouldn't collect on the top of a little mound and i tried to convince myself that it wasn't a problem for a day or two but it's not going away and jackie's like you know i bet a pipe burst that that goes from here to there and i stopped lying to myself and i'm like yeah you're right so i call my whole guy i got a whole guy and uh i'm like i need a whole dug and uh this thing repaired and he's like i'm your guy and he uses a witching rod i think that's what he called it it was like a coat hanger bent in a right angle and he's like i'm your guy and he uses a witching rod i think that's what he called it

it was like a coat hanger bent in a right angle and he follows it and finds the water and i'm like he seemed to genuinely believe this and he's like it definitely works and he let me try it and it's like twirling around in ways that i think i'm not controlling but i don't know for sure because he's so convincing i don't know his private facebook group later he's like i got another one you can't shit on the death smell if you believe the coat hanger is finding water okay i don't i don't believe the coat hanger can find water and i don't believe that anybody can smell someone another they're about how about this how about this guy's about to die um you smell him you got the scent in your nose what if i rush in real quick and we provide some extra medical care and push him along for

three or four days are you wrong then the smell wouldn't have existed in the first place because exactly exactly you were wrong check no no i think he'll just linger there like he'll just smell there's no smell for three days there is is. There are lungs and liver and everything's failing and their body's stewed. How about this? There might be a very particular kind of death, perhaps one that involves liver failure that makes you smell a certain way.

Things are shutting down. Their cells aren't reproducing right. I'm not talking like if someone gets whacked by a car and then they linger on for 15 minutes on the sidewalk. I'm not going to walk by and be like, he smells like death. No, I'm talking about someone that's like their body has

lived its max and it's like, fuck it. I'm starting to shut down and the brain is still happening. Someone who's like marinating in death. I'm going to hit up some hospices this week i'll i'll get back sniff yeah and i i just found this it was the first result on google from a very pointed search i'll admit but changes to the metabolism of the dying person can cause their breath skin and bodily fluids to have a distinct smell similar to nail polish remover and then if it's bowel or stomach cancer, it can be stronger.

So there is a smell that happens. You went out of your way, the other believer here, went out of your way to go Google shit because you saw Zach was putting all this fucking bullshit propaganda in the chat that was basically saying we're scientifically debunked and there is no death smell. But what does he know? What does he know? This is from

hospiceuk.org .org, dumbasses. They don't hand those out. Yeah. I want to see his bibliography. This is from the rightwingnation.fact and it's

probably his site site that's like there is something do you guys feel the same way we're like you'll look something up and you'll get the information you wanted about anything and then it'll be like a dot biz and you'll immediately assume like these fucking clowns like as if they know the right way to work your wrong boy, whatever the fuck the question is. I've been on the other side, too, where it's like, oh, I've got a great idea for business. I'm going to name it, you know, the right wing fad, the truth from the right. And then truthfromtheright.com is taken. Truthfromtheright.net is taken.

And you're like, will people take me seriously if I'm.org? Will people take me seriously if I'm.fact or Will people take me seriously if I'm.fact? Or whatever. You have to just keep getting longer and longer. Find us at the absolute, don't ask questions, your answer is here, truth.biz. That's how

it would go. There's so many sites now. Oh, I do have to do the ads. One second. This show's flying by. do the ads. Oh, yeah. One second. This show's flying by. Two hours in. That's been fun. Spring has finally come, so let's help you do the same.

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your subscription he would still roll by and stop be like hey you wanna i was in the area didn't know if you want because once he's there it's like an ice cream truck you're gonna fucking all right give me some give me some ice cream we get those little pizzas but he sells broccoli like how can you be so tempted no he's got everything no he's got everything they got ice cream sandwiches they got the flintstones push pops they got the everybody come quick They got the Flintstones push pops. They got the breakfast. Everybody, come quick. It's the steamed vegetable man.

That's what I thought it was. He's got my grandma to buy me vegetables out of the Schwan man. But I remember that gravy train ended when he accidentally ran over the corner of my grandfather's driveway and cracked it and then my grandfather went out there and was like you son of a bitch i fucking stormed the beaches of normandy and you come crack my fucking driveway i'll crack your fucking and the guy never came back ever again i never had ice cream sandwiches ever again at my grandparents house because he had to throw a fit over the corner of a fucking driveway getting cracked off that's's some boomer shit, by the way. They're the only people that care about that. I bought a driveway?

It's a fucking driveway. It gets driven on. Of course it's going to get cracked. The UPS man parks at the very end and walks this, like, just walk of shame through the rain to my house. I'm like, pull in. He's like, I don't want to crack your driveway. I'm like, it's cracked already. It's's some fucking there's trees everywhere like it doesn't

matter so we have a very long driveway in the front of the house and then there's a circle so you drive all the way down it and it's easy to turn around and go back i think some of these drivers don't see the circle from the street so they just just driving backwards for what seems like five minutes. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. As it gets closer and closer and louder and louder. I'm like, dude, just drive. Drive like a normal person.

Drive forward like everyone else does. They back up. Maybe you need a sign that says turn around ahead. I had the creepiest shit in the world outside the front of my house a ups guy at like nine o'clock you know they stopped delivering at nine i thought they all just went back to their depot or whatever ups truck like blocks my driveway and then another ups truck backs up and they get right on top of each other and then i saw their doors open

through the little crack and so they had like a bumper to bumper ups trucks and they were they had the lights on in there i don't know what the fuck was going on in that little secret cavity they made at the foot of my driveway but what a mystery yeah i sat there and looked at them through the blinds it was nighttime too they could see me fucking cracking the blinds. Like, my lights were on in the room and everything. I was just watching them. What the hell is that? I'm assuming they're loading boxes back and forth. I would imagine.

Just so strange that they would do this weird little secret thing. Officer, there's two men having sex near my front yard. They needed a lot of room, too. They bumped the trucks together and made one big room. Yeah. It was astounding to me. Maybe they were just having their little break. They're trading boxes. room too they put the they bumped the trucks together and made one big room yeah it was astounding maybe they were just they're having their little break they're trading boxes it just why do it in my foot of my driveway yeah why not do that at the the distribution center you never complain when they drive on it so yeah it's made sense i don't complain well they never pull into

my driveway my driveway is too short to be meaningful. I felt bad for the UPS guy because I got that Titan squat bar. That thing is like 76, 78 pounds. That entire set of weight plates. Yeah, right?

We don't even need the plates. Just picking it up and moving around it's like holy shit it's solid like it's just it's this like two inch solid pipe that goes anyway we got that and then like a full set of bumper plates and that poor fucker i wanted to help him because i'm like it's pretty good workout like hustling up the driveway with weight plates but i opened the door just as he was putting the last like 45 or down and like wiping his brow. And I was like, oh, man, I'm sorry.

He's like, oh, don't sweat it, brother. This is what I get paid the big bucks for. And then I saw a tear come out of the corner of his eye as he walked away. But that is what he said. He was a pretty cool guy. I appreciate it. I like your bumper plates. So Kyle sent a video to the WhatsApp that we all hang out in,

and he showed us his new bumper plates and I like it. I like that the tens are the same size as the 45s. I know that's bumper plate stuff, but mine are different. We were talking about Kyle totally understood. My plates are not cool. I don't think like they work well. They add weight to the bar. There's no reason that they're not perfect.

bar like there's no reason that they're not perfect they might even be um in some ways better because they're all like by being this tri grip they have handles that make it easy to take on and off and uh some of my fingers don't work that well and it's it's nice so um but kyle's looks so good i want them instead that's what's up it does look nice you have the nice white rogue written on there my bumper plates are just bullshit cheap stuff from when titan's quality was worse like four years ago no there's no nice like etching around the letter your your gym's gonna look awesome i'm excited to see the finished product yeah i'm looking forward to it um thank you um the um i looked around a lot for like trying to strike that like middle ground between expensive and quality with the weight plates uh because i just didn't one one thing was i didn't want to drag my rusty ass

iron plates back and forth across that brand new rogue bar rogue bar that's cerakoted um that that seemed those plates don't belong on that bar and uh scum get back on the pulley machine where you belong. Rusty fucks. What was I saying before that? The plates. Oh, I tried to strike that middle ground with value and quality and all that stuff. I think the rogues are just the best. They're so big that they can just make less

money per plate. They seemingly don't care for a really high quality plate. If you want to save money below the rogues, even if you get a pair, a set of Titan blemished plates from their scratch and dent section, it's more expensive than just buying those nice rope plates. Cause I,

I did the math when we were talking about it, it was like $667 for Titans blemished. So like, I guess you can go back and like fill in the white with some like pen marker or something and make it look normal. then those rogues were 500 roughly for like a full set it's not too bad yeah i i dig them a lot it just feels nice putting them on um and then dead lifting on concrete that's going to be a problem too sam loves talking about gym equipment. Yeah, dude,

I, I'm all about, uh, my wife got a Peloton. Ooh, those are nice. Uh, been riding that.

It's pretty, pretty lame. It's like a video game, right? I don't have any competitive spirit, right? Like I'm not that, I don't know.

I like, you guys are like, we lift heavy shit. I'm like, why? You know, I just, I don't know. Like you guys are like, we lift heavy shit. I'm like, why? You know, I don't get it. But I did find out that when you do the Peloton thing, if you do like a ride, you can see the people that are currently doing the ride. Yeah.

And the only thing I've realized that is like that gives me any sort of like motivation to do – that why I don't get is like when you guys lift stuff and then like what what's the incentive to come back and go like now we're adding more like that whole building part is the that I don't get that but with this Peloton thing I can see where I am speed wise and kilowatt whatever output wise compared to the other people near me and as you pass someone or if you see someone you know you can like wave at them and so what i do is right when i'm coming up on someone right as i pass them i wave at them so i know they look at my name and then see me go right above them and that's the only joy i get out of ever exercising is just and you can see the age too so i'm stomping

i'm stomping like 60 year olds like haha fuck you it's a it's literally a rehab center it's not even that kyle it's hospice i'm learning to walk again you asshole oh yeah by the way i'm not i don't even get up into the single-digit thousands on these rides of all the people doing them at one time. But you asked why do we like lifting the heavy things. We hate it. You think we enjoy lifting weights? You think I think weightlifting equipment is cool? No, it's fucking lame as shit.

It's expensive, too. It's really expensive. I want to lift it. It's expensive to do the most meathead thing. I want to look like I lift weights. If I could just take that pill, then I wouldn't need $5,000 worth of Jimmico. Why don't you get those Indian guys

where you get the stuff injected in you and what have you? The synthol. Those guys look natural and great. Have you seen that Russian guy? Those guys don't look like a Stretchstrong that has lumps in it yeah yeah those are they just are like nothing here and then they get just like the the trap muscles or whatever yeah they get traps and biceps no triceps can't be bothered oh yeah that guy looks great. Dude, that guy unironically couldn't just... I would hang out with that guy.

To be fair, am I the only one that's thinking about tootie-fucking this dude? I mean, you go like this. Yeah. I went straight to that. I want to fuck that armpit. This is like Indian

Anthony Cumia. His armpit almost looks like a butthole. That's where I'm going. You know what he needs? Abs. Why does it... Is his body fat too high? What's up with that?

Because he ran out of liquid. Look at his quasimodo trap. One trap. Maybe. It's fused into one thing. It's a hump. That's where he stores water for long desert expeditions. I like abs.

Abs are one of the things that I value the most in a guy's physique. And he doesn't have, I don't know, maybe just not flexing well. Well, I mean like look at the forearm that he's flexing with. Like that is not the forearm of someone with that. I didn't notice.

By the way, like the whole point of this is that this guy isn't jacked. He injected these muscles. I'm aware, but you don't have to be jacked to have it. Where's this man's abs? He doesn't work for it. That's the whole point. You're right.

The size of his bosom. The guy that does that shit is not going to be like, okay, I faked this stuff, but I'm going to get the abs. Some of the best abs you'll find are guys who don't lift some people are just skinny this is like if you cover up the nipple with your thumb it genuinely looks like they like chopped off someone's like brazilian what's funny about this put it on his chest so this guy is taking this picture in like his like post-workout area like this guy works out a lot he works out a ton he's sweaty post-workout he's showing a pump right now that's in his mind he's got his protein powder and his pre-workout area. This guy works out a lot. He works out a ton. He's sweaty post-workout. He's showing you a pump right now. That's in his mind. He's got his protein powder and his pre-workout in the background

along with his blender. This guy works out. Yeah. Go ahead and take a peek at the way that... That's all natural is what I'm saying. Look at the grout behind his right bicep. Kind of weird how it becomes a bit of a semicircle there.

The rest of it under his arms. The whole room is warped around him, Taylor. Yeah, the whole room is warped around him. I thought it was just he was so jacked that he had a gravitational field and light was bending. But you're telling me that's a bit of trickery. It seems that we've been hoodwinked by his purported success. I wouldn't do the synthol thing.

It seems easier to just lift the weights. No, it doesn't. It is fun to lift when you're in the middle of it. Yeah, sometimes it can be fun. Yeah, it feels good. And it's like there's a sense of accomplishment and you get a lot of brain chemicals that make you say, that was good what you just did.

Or maybe it's saying Could you get that from playing a lot of brain chemicals that make you say, that was good what you just did. Or maybe it's saying... Couldn't you get that from playing a round of Call of Duty? Nah, it's different. The same level of... Not in the same way. Not in the same way? Okay. No. It'd be more...

If all of your dopamine was from winning games of Call of Duty, not into lifting, it'd be a more intense dopamine drip. That's a sad life if that's your main source of dopamine is playing winning games of call of duty if you're not lifting it'd be a more intense dopamine drip it's like have you ever heard have you ever like your main source of dopamine is or if you've ever no we're all the drug addicts as well yeah we all do heroin yeah we're not sad we all dabble in cocaine yeah we're all gacked out all the time i'm sorry you were gonna say something let it rip i give up no no i was just gonna ask you if you ever like heard an animal that was like defenseless and couldn't stop you like like that good that kind of good feeling that's what you get you know when you're

really just putting the screws to it and and you're like no one can stop me you know that that kind of power um that's what you feel when you like get a new power lift and a new record or, you know, you just try something new and it just feels really good. You're accomplished. You feel powerful and you know, the voices go away. It's good stuff. It's the, um, you just feel good. Huh? Yeah. I think I might try it. Cause, uh, I, I said I had a herniated disc earlier and from doing a really intense uh maneuver where i i took my uh 18 pound baby and put it in the crib and leaning over the the crib wall carrying that massive burden of weight less than a thanksgiving turkey i actually herniated a disc in my lower back and uh the doctor not doctor like my physical

therapist was like dude you got like nothing back his back is empty it's like it's just he was like massaging it and he's just like it's just like fat and bone that's you're supposed to be shit up and down here where the fuck is it it's like were you born without lats are you a medical marvel? Well, that fucking sucks. You would benefit from working out then if you already have, like, back problems. Yeah, that's why I've started doing stuff like that also. Yeah, because apparently, like, there is a middle ground where, like, you know, you can work out so much that you look like that horrific gentleman that bends light. And then you can also work out

so little that picking up a baby ends up being a career ending injury. That's the sort of thing Tucker Carlson... Your playing days are over. That's a whole Tucker Carlson story. Like modern man. This man. This fucking pussy bitch. He can't even hold his own.

You may have heard of this content creator, General Sam. Yes. He's filing for disability because he picked up his own baby. Is this the man you want influencing your kids? Let's take a look. And then it's just a picture with you. He just plays like any video. Make a look.

You never want to hear that. That's like my greatest fear is not just eating like having anything i've ever made just be on national television and scrutinized by the general public is like i would probably just kill myself before i get i hear what the news backlash is i just turned on the tv and saw myself i'd be like it's over i don't even want to hear what they have to say about it oh yeah you would know like if you turned on the tv and saw myself, I'd be like, it's over. I don't even want to hear what they have to say about it. Oh yeah, you would know if you turned on the TV and you saw your face, you would know that it wasn't something positive. Yeah, this ain't good.

They're not here to praise me. Nobody's going to put me on the news and going to say, this guy fucking rules. No, it's something bad. It's not good. We've got Ted Cruz here to talk about about General Sam. Yeah, that would be so fucking funny if you got featured on Tucker Carlson.

I personally would get a laugh out of it. Yeah. I don't know. I'm trying to think. Tucker Carlson. Is that someone that I could... He would probably do some sort of mental gymnastics on me. I'm trying to think, is there like a single talk show host that I think I could verbally one-on-one? Probably none because they have like writing teams and stuff that are giving them little CIA pointers through a little earpiece. If you went on Hannity and really made him look retarded, you'd get three seconds into something and you'd be muted or hung up on every show like that.

Yeah, they don't want the guy getting dunked on. Anyone can call in and ask questions as long as you agree. If I had a show, I would definitely keep those in where I just get fucking dunked on and made look like an idiot. Well, that's why your show would be funny and none of these shows are funny well yeah that's true i actually i've never watched one maybe hannity's hilarious i don't know you've never watched hannity i like hannity very entertaining is he is he good i've never watched like any of that new stuff i get like a, I have my, my list here. I, uh, no, or do I, oh, I do. I do the associated press and was this Reuters? Yeah.

So you don't listen to that unbiased news. I listened to both bias sites. Follow CNN and Fox on Twitter. Cause like, I love seeing just like they, cause they'll report on the same story, but the headlines will be just like for their audience like they just reword shit like yeah to the point where it just doesn't even fucking make sense when you actually read the article like it just has nothing to do with whatever they're talking about or like the articles are so lazy like i hate this and i i don't feel like it's always been like this but articles will be like so and so wants to change the tax plan to make it two percent higher and it's a good thing or like you know in the headline the opinion piece yeah i like all my headlines thing

to change this about immigration here's why it's nice or here's why it's bad and it's like that's that's just pr that's not journalism your your why it's bad. And it's like, that's, that's just PR. That's not journalism. Your, your news is really too high quality. Mine is like Ben Shapiro destroys college students. I'm like, Oh,

I guess I'm going to see that. He has the easiest job in the world. Like he does. He just goes to colleges and makes kids at the possibly one of the frailest mental part of your life you're there to learn but really you're just like your emotions 19 years old and they have six weeks experience following the politics you're gonna be sitting there like in front of all these people like nervously trying to dunk on this guy that has done this shit for years like of course he's gonna and he's good

right like ben shapiro while obviously he's you know dunking on fisher price hoops he's still good you know like he's dunked on us all just yeah exactly right look at those college kids they don't know how to handle him he'd ask me like one basic question about how like works, and I'd be like, I do not recall. I don't know. I'd be just looking over his shoulder like, did you bring your fucking big-tittied sister? Like, whatever. That's what I would be asking about.

That's the only reason I know him is because everybody else is like, ah, Ben Shapiro's sister has big tits. And I'm like, dude, that's the big titty sister's brother. I remember him. That's the only reason I know who he is because I've just seen her more. Oh, yeah. I know the pictures you're talking about.

I feel bad for her. Yeah, she's such a nice person. She doesn't want to be involved in all the shit he does in the in like the the controversial shit stirring and everything but like he's so i guess popular in that space that it drags everyone adjacent to him i haven't seen anything from him in a long time i don't know what he's up to i guess he's he's still debating 17 year olds at college 19 year olds no i feel like he's running an organization now like he has other people that he's hired and he's still doing it himself but he's doing uh he's doing a

tv show or something like he's he has like a company or something called like daily wire i don't know yeah yeah where i don't know enough about him uh because i mostly follow his sister and she retweets uh stuff from him um abby if you're out there, how you doing? And if my wife watches this, she'll suspect I'm talking about her because her name's Abby. That's the only reason I chose Ben Shapiro's sister is because her name matches my wife's name.

That's one of the three reasons. Wait, what is it about Ben Shapiro's sister that I don't know taylor she's just got just titties dude just tracks of land i need to see this now yeah and there's some that are like but she also looks like garan thumb that gun guy oh my goodness one of you guys would know who I'm talking about. Yeah, she kind of looks like him. Here's a link. Oh, okay. You're pretty right.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. Scroll down on that thing. She's got some big bohan kahugas yeah oh yeah i closed out of it and there we are i'm just looking at him okay very nice yeah she's a pretty attractive lady and more importantly it's just funny when like he's sitting there talking about shit politically and then people under everything he posts there's like

your sister's hot and he's just like we're like trying to talk about international economic policy here like can you stop bringing her into this and they'll like fucking like just drag her into it immediately and he's just like come on and then she's trying to post about her life she's trying to be like mrs like southern conservative jewish bell i don't know and she just posts about like her in a sundress and she's trying to be like mrs like southern conservative jewish bell i don't know and she just posts about like her in a sundress and she's like i just uh um growing my own herbs or whatever in my garden and then everybody's replying to her just like your fucking titties

are fat lady hell yeah that is it sucks like it has to suck to be her it'll be like here's my favorite composer in the comments like booba singing like classical like she's that's like opera voice or whatever and she's obviously talented and trying to be refined and everything and it's just hilarious to have the most degenerate comments under everything she posts oh i mean as an outsider looking in it's funny but uh if i was her bad for her yeah yeah that would suck if i was her but i'm not her so i think you can wear a sports bra and take care of this whole problem right can she yeah no she dresses like the older nasa the more time it's been more spotlight she's in's in. She dresses like a fucking Mennonite. She's got them things locked up, like fucking shirts up here. For good reason.

Fucking up to her, like turtleneck. There's a bunch of ghouls everywhere every time she says anything. There are. That's who they are, just ghouls. I'm just trying to get a peak lady. Like, loosen up. Come on. But she's not. Have you been watching the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial go on?

Oh, I've been seeing terrible biased headlines. Lay it out for us, Kyle. Well, I can't lay it out per se. I'm sorry. She's clearly the guilty party here. She's the one who abused him, and he never did anything at all. Tell me the back story. Is the back story like, I remember everybody was like,

we hate Johnny Depp because he's like a dick. And then now there's – because I remember that whole bandwagon. And then there was evidence later that she was actually making it up or something like that. Yeah, well, he recorded her. He recorded her, and she's like, yeah, I made it all up. You cracked the code, didn't you, Johnny? You're so smart.

You figured it out that it was a big fake no shit i made it up and it's like they're playing this in court while johnny depp sits there like told you and then then they play the other take where she's like i did not punch you you pussy i hit you i hit you and you took it like you're supposed to. Okay. You were the bigger person, but I was not punching you. I was hitting you.

He's like, and you can hear him like you were hitting me in the face. I had to leave because you were assaulting me. Oh, big baby. And it's just like, oh my God, she's the word.

And then he describes like the situation where she cut off the tip of his finger. Yeah, she threw a bottle at him and it snubbed the tip of his finger. Then in cross examination, they're like, when you were at the hospital, did you ask for cocaine? He's like, yeah.

I thought I'd give it a go. That wasn't part of that trial at all like anyways the reason why we're here she cut off my finger and yes i wanted cocaine that has nothing to do with whether you mean after she mutilated me yeah well it seems like but i remember as that was the best part oh go ahead the best part i guess like the situation must have been that they were feuding and maybe she was about to go on some trip. You know, they're cohabitating.

And anyway, long story short, she shat in his bed. She took a shit in his bed. A turd was laid in his bed. And like, people came over and they were like, oh my God, Amber shit in your bed. And they're like are you sure it's not a dog they're like no that's people shit amber did that and like and now this

is part of the record because like they're going back and forth and amber i think i didn't see this part of the trial i'm not sure that it exists but i was told that there was a part where like she is like no that was dog poo and they're like absolutely it was not dog poo i saw the poo it did not come out of a dog that is such an alpha move to like shit in someone's bed that is fucking insane hats off to her by the way at what point uh during like an abusive relationship like if a woman's like hitting you cutting off off your finger or whatever, like when can he just be like, yeah, it was at that point where I fucking socked her right in the throat. I handmakered her right in the side of the head. Never.

At what point does the court go like, all right, like she you have like, you know, documentation that this lady is fucking insane. And we're going to believe that this was probably self-defense. I think the answer is pretty clear because Johnny never touched her and yet he is on trial right now. Is he on trial? I think it's a

defamation lawsuit. That's what they're in trial with right now. I still think after he had the mountain of evidence, he should have fucking had one physical retaliation. That should be the rule. That should be the justice. Yeah, it'd be like you have to go to jail for a year.

You pay an immigrant ass-iter. Oh. That is more cost-sensitive. The whole point is it's your personal vengeance. That's why I never get people to hire hitmen. It's like if I want someone dead, like... Yeah, if you want someone dead like yeah the point of hiring a hitman is not the joy

it's getting away with it yeah but then there's another person if you didn't get to do the thing well that person's dead and you have an alibi it's like hiring someone else to steal something and then you don't even get it in the end you know it's like go steal that VCR for me and then go bring it home and

watch it. I disagree. I think if I could hire, if you told me, Woody, you pull off the murder, but you're the likely suspect to somehow prove that it's not you, or I hire someone and I most likely get away with it because I'd be like, it wasn't me.

Everyone saw me. I was at the arcade. That's where you were? all right mr woodward we have a whole lot more this happened in 1985 kyle i was at blockbuster and it's like it was a blockbuster he said he was at the arcade were you actually like around during like do you remember did you do a lot of arcading as a kid when i was a kid it was like a passion there was an arcade nearest called you like pinball machines before microprocessors and stuff no pinballs existed but really pac-man asteroids

um berserker god galaxy yeah um that uh space invaders yes i like space invaders but i was Galaga? Galaga, yeah. Space Invaders. Yes, I like Space Invaders, but I was looking at a different one. You had a ball and you had Missile Command. Oh, my dad fucked hard with Missile Command. I own that. I have that machine. Is that the one where you shoot

Donkey Kong? I've got one that does everything. The guy just programmed every arcade game into it it looks like a space invader uh arcade machine but it just you go into a menu and it's like like every game that ever existed that you can play on one of the tabletop no it's an arcade machine like from an arcade it's like a full height not like the halfy no it's the whole fucking thing like it's over it's seven feet tall you know how nowadays like almost every building you go into has a vending machine where you can get like i don't know drinks or snickers bars or whatever back in the day that was an arcade machine they just have those things

you pump quarters every restaurant had them at the waiting area yeah pizza hut that's where i played mortal combat as a kid um at pizza hut like we would go into like pick up a pizza or maybe we're waiting on our table or whatever and i would just immediately be over there fucking because did you ever play um rampage yeah yeah but that was at the skating rink we'd go to anderson uh south carolina and they had like a little mini arcade like maybe like eight machines or something in a row and then they had like the claw um and i would play a street fighter and uh that rampage game and all that shit rampage was awesome it was like street fighter except it was all like dinosaurs and creatures that you played as and i remember

as a kid like always begging my parents and well it was a place near my grandparents always begging my grandparents for quarters so i could get thrashed by the the ai i could barely see over the little thing that was such a cool i remember like feeling like i was getting away with something every time they would let me play that because i'd be like oh these dinosaurs just brutalizing each other violently and like looking at it now it's probably just the most basic bitch no blood no gore nothing like it was not on the same level as uh whatever that other one is the fighting game with uh sub-zero yeah which one golden tea oh yeah they still have that at like a lot of the bars and grills around here dude i remember playing that shit and then you would like uh just like old timers at uh at bars stuff. They'll kind of lean you out of a pool table.

Like if you were a kid halfway through playing like around with that shit, old dude, every time some 40 year old guy with his family would come over and lean on the side of the machine and be like, hurry up, man. I want to play some rounds. And he would pressure you. If you're like nine and a 40 year old dude comes in like intimidates you you're gonna fucking leave like there's nothing i can do against that guy yeah yeah he could rape you he could do anything to get that golden tea i remember oh no that's it when i played i had a

limited number of quarters i gave whatever my parents gave me and uh i saw a guy who seemed to have an unlimited number of quarters like he could just pump quarters all afternoon quarters were not his limiting factor and how he played it was probably time or desire or something and then one day he came in dressed in his work uniform and he was a post office dude like he delivered the mail it's like ah grown-ups are rich as fuck wow that guy probably that guy took some time out of his busy schedule of getting pussy to come here. He had more money and more pussy, I'm sure

of it. I'm 12. Yeah, mailmen get it all. It's a dream job. I wonder, how much do mailmen make? Not a lot. Depends where you're delivering mail. I don't think it's a good job either depends on the no it's a shitty job they sit

in that stupid jeep thing with no air conditioning and it gets like 100 degrees here in the summer no that job sucks they have that little fan that is like comically small and it's just like moving like two hairs on top that's just to remind's just to remind them of the concept of coolness. Yeah. To remind them that cool places are out there. Your left hand on the steering wheel will get a little bit of wind chill and that's it.

And they have to wear that stupid gay-ass uniform with those calf-high socks. Sorry, Woody and Kyle with the calf-high socks. The rest of the world thinks they look gay as hell. It's for the boots. It's for the boots. Yeah.

You can't see them. They're under your pants. No, he's right. What the fuck? Why do you have to have boots? Like, why can't you just wear shoes? Because if you crash, your foot gets torn off. Like the boots going to keep the leg on?

Yes! They're armored motorcycle boots. Why do you guys have the fucking Batman knuckles on your gloves? Actually, I'm kind of with you on that. I think they sell gloves. Are you going to fall and punch the road to dead? That's what I do. I land like a superhero.

Just instantly. Both wrists shattered. My gloves are reinforced right here with like a piece of plastic and i can really see how you might slide on that for some extended period of time uh the the palms don't have too much because you operate the bike that way so that it would suck to have a big fluffy thing but the i'm pretty sure the reinforced knuckles on the back are to sell gloves like you said it who slides like prostrate is that i use that word right or prostate prostrate yeah across that like who who slides on their knuckles i think they're for selling gloves because they're cool i mean i do i always know you look like kyle you look like a like a villain in a student film yeah

like i lost the one hand. Now show me your palm like this. These are not my good gloves. I don't love those. You should have... No, these are not the gloves I wear. I have different gloves. These are my show gloves. He wouldn't get caught dead in those. What are you saying? Have you guys seen those GoPro videos where

bikers get into fights and shit? They always rock those guys with those knuckles, man. I would not fuck with a dude gonna punch me with that thing. Or with the helmet. Sometimes they win with the headbutt move, which just starting a fight with someone wearing a motorcycle helmet, that is. You're fighting a person that's completely armored. Like, they got the

leathers and everything and the fucking, the knuckle dusters and a fucking helmet on. Like, what are you gonna do to this guy? Kidney punch him? You're not gonna win that. You need to have a gun or a sword or something. You're not gonna win a fight. You need to have a gun or a sword or something. You're not going to win a fight against a biker with the full biker regalia or whatever. So I have, when I ride my motorcycle, I typically wear something about head to toe that's built for sliding on asphalt. Even my stuff that looks casual isn't.

It's secretly sewn with Kevlar and shit. I wonder how knife proof I am like how if you tried to stab me would it go right through I bet it'd have to be a pretty crappy knife to get stopped okay bite proof 100% by a person or a dog

oh individual which you think a person can't I think you got all the people defeated some of the people defeated. Some of the dogs defeated, but not all of them. Really? The dogs that you're worried about biting you would not be defeated. Your ability to win in a dog fight, I think, is 100% your mindset. Because I've seen, like, you see all these pit bull videos,

and people get attacked, and they're panicking because there's a fucking dog clamping down on them. I saw this video of this dude. He gets bit, and he just calmly picks this dog up and fucking throws it down like a rolled up carpet. And this thing's, you know, like he like suplexed this fucking pit bull, cracked its head on the pavement, and then he just walked away. And the dog like laid there for like 30 seconds and gets up and was like, what the fuck just happened? This dog was completely, it got up and was like, I the fuck just happened? This dog was completely... It got up and was like, I don't even

know where I am. You could tell it had just been... That's how I feel about the videos where people lose the deer. If you get your ass kicked by an herbivore like that, you're a coward. No, people can beat deers. They just need the right gumption.

I don't know. The herbivore line is not a good one because rhinos are invited dogs. Hippos. Hippos, yeah. Those herbivores will fuck you up. Everything with horns. Deer do that like stomping. It's like getting attacked by four pool cues at once. They're just poking and poking, and they got the sharp little hooves.

They're doing this. Yeah. But I grip. People underestimate the value of the grip. Oh, you'd never be able to grab one. They're a flurry. Yeah. I don't know about that. got the sharp little they're doing this yeah but i grip people underestimate the value of the grip one they're a flurry yeah i don't know about that i'd be afraid to get my eye poked or whatever like uh you know you could seriously i think i am a little concerned about the giant rack so i'm fighting a doe oh i wouldn't be afraid of that in that case i would no you definitely want to

fight the fuck actually yeah now that i think about, if you grab the antlers, you've got leverage on that neck. My dad did that to a deer. Yeah. See? Yeah. Well, I mean, the dog helped. Did he kill it? The dog killed it.

There's a great story of this guy that's just, like, resting in his living room. He's got a bay window, and he had just finished a huge renovation, and a giant elk comes bounding through his bay window into his living room and he gets into like a hand-to-hand combat fight with this thing and then he ends up like corralling it down the hallway and it goes down the hall fucks up the whole hallway going down and it gets into the master suite and he's like fuck like i just renovated and so he goes in there for a set he like recoups in the

living room like holy shit i gotta go fight this thing and he goes back in and fucking breaks its neck hand-to-hand combat good for him have that entire taxidermied elk with its head twisted around backwards like i would have that taxidermied in my house full body just standing in the living i would put my tv on its back and its head would be turned fucking like exorcist style looking back at the tv oh yeah i would have like a like a painter do a dramatization of what it was like like showing me about 50 pounds lighter holding on that conflict themed like there would be paintings in there of me killing elks with my bare hands there would be paintings in there of me killing elks with my bare hands there would be the taxidermied animal the plates in my house would

have that turned into a mosaic or whatever like printed on the plates i would have the themed cups you know when you fill it up with cold water as it rises a graphic comes up and me twisting the fucking deer's head everything dude my back i would be like red dragon i would take off my robe and on my back would be a full body tattoo of me twisting once again this deer's fucking head backwards yeah that would be my whole life your hat on that forever that would be your that would be your magnum opus really that's just a tuesday for me i could be a deer the second i get to that level when i start start going like, is this really badass? I kill myself because I know it's all downhill.

You're not going to top that. I'm just talking shit. I'm not going to self-reflect and be like, that's actually not that cool. You know what I could beat that undeniably no joke? A goose. People are scared of geese. You just got to stand up to them. They're ornery, but yeah, you could fuck them up.

Not only am I not afraid of geese, I'm looking forward to the next time a goose bites me. Yes. I wish a motherfucker would. I've seen enough internet geese. I've got a grudge already against geese, and I've never dealt with one. I was looking at a house last week.

There were geese across the road honking and stuff. There was a sign that said not to feed them. I was like, never would, never will. And I i was just thinking if they cross that road i'm gonna fuck them up like they don't even have to come into this yard this isn't even my yard but i'm gonna declare castle doctrine on that goose and i'm just gonna fuck it up if i can get my hands on it and then i just decided i wanted to kill a goose so i chased them for like half an hour they're fast i saw a bull back down to a goose and I'm like bull you can do better that's because the bull is dumb

and it's just like that's novel I don't understand it but like you let that goose walk around in the bull's pen for another 10 minutes or so that bull's gonna be like oh it's a bird and then run over did you see the video of the Clydesdale kicking the goose the other day

no I'll send it to you on whatsapp later Did you see the video of the Clydesdale kicking the goose the other day? No. I'll send it to you on WhatsApp later. Yeah, it's awesome. The Clydesdales are so fucking cool. Those are the coolest animals. And the goose comes running up behind it doing that long stretched out neck thing. Like, I'm going to pinch you with my fucking beak.

And the Clydesdale angle kicks it so fucking hard. And it just goes, honk and it like rolls over and twitches like it's dead as fuck it's great yeah shouldn't have fucked with a Clydesdale those things like they're they're during the summer and spring they're always riding those in carriages and shit around St. Louis because like they're like oh look look near the Anheuser Busch fucking place they got that big barrel of beer pretend beer they're dragging around and like i've i've been i was driving by one once like in traffic so like we're stuck next to it and this one like the pouch for its poop wasn't aligned correctly because you know how they have that big poop and so this thing was laying like clydesdale size shits right onto the road. Like it's like a,

like a, like a nine year old skull size per, per piece of poop. Like that's like you're driving and it's like, you're, you'd have to like drive around it or it would be, it's enough poop that like it would feel like if you, if you hit it with your wheel on the front,

it's going to create enough force of spreading that you're going to have shit caked in the entire wheel. Like the, the whole whole thing there won't be one piece of it but yeah i think that those should be retired no you're not done yet what was the consistency of the the fecal could you hydroplane on if you hit no it was it was a dry poo it was a dehydrated grass-fed horse which in Clydesdales they do look better than normal horses. They have like extra long hair near their feet. I don't even consider them horses. They're like a mythical being for me.

Horses suck. I hate horses. Clydesdale's like, if I was a knight or something, that's what I would have. That would be my horse. You know what should be real? Unicorns. Because they're not very far-fetched. No, they're not.

It's just a horse. Yeah, it's a horse with a toenail sticking out of its head. It's not that. If you were like, Woody, what's real? A 40-foot tall spotted moose or a horse with a horn. I'd definitely pick the horse with the horn over the giraffe. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, the unicorn itself isn't that far-fetched. yeah yeah yeah i mean like the unicorn itself isn't that far-fetched like if they were like scientists discover a horse that had uh cartilage growing it'd be like yeah i believe that totally believe that sure why not but some of these other ones like i got so had by the discovery channel as a kid because uh how old are you sam are we about the same age? I'm 30. 30? Okay. I'm 30 as well. So same age. Awesome. I remember, and do you remember watching these, where there would be huge Discovery Channel shows where it'd just be like the mysteries of the deep and they would whole cloth make

up animals they thought maybe could have existed and they would put it forth as though it was like, as though science was like right on the precipice of putting together the 20 foot tall bear but we couldn't quite figure it out but we're sure that it existed and i was like sad for a time as a young kid like regretting that i didn't get to see all these cool animals that used to exist and it wasn't until i got older that i was like oh they were just making shit up they don't know at all if there was a shark that was 12 times longer than the great white they just found a really big bone somewhere and we're like this could be it like the biggest animal ever to exist in all of earth's history the blue whale the blue whale that giant whale it happens right now

right now we are living in the era of the largest animal ever. But we're not during the time of that giant armadillo. I thought those were fucking cool. It's just a regular armadillo, but he's like six feet tall. That's my new mythical, like, that's my, fuck Clydesdale. I want a giant armadillo. That's going to be my, imagine making a saddle for that thing. When you sit on it, your legs are fucking fucking you're doing a split they're straight out

they're just fucking straight out I remember yeah that was a cool one I would lounge back I'd make it like a chase lounge do you remember the giant sloth yeah those are tight what happened to all the big stuff I think we killed them

a lot of it was gone before we were around I think it was like higher oxygen or something in the environment or whatever and there was just like dragonflies were like six foot wingspans and stuff that would be terrifying how do we know that

because that's horrible you haven't seen those oh there's a whole great like David Attenborough level like thing about when the oxygen was high and the millipedes and centipedes were five fucking feet long and this big around. It's terrible. The giant wasps and all the insects were bigger because insects

absorb oxygen through their skin so their size is limited through that depending on the concentration of oxygen in the atmosphere but it was way higher then. They were way bigger then than they could be. Uh, that's terrifying.

How big were these bugs? It varies, but like, I don't know that the dragonflies are like gargantuan, like, like, like bigger than birds. No,

there is no God. It's like an albatross, a bunch of legs. Yeah. It's terrifying. I hate it. Taylor, you were right though.

You were talking about like being misled by, by discovery and stuff. And we, we grew up at a very interesting time where history and discovery were very like Carl Sagan, like fucking by the book shit. Like it was literally academic channels and stuff. And then they got to a point. So our parents trusted them and trusted that we could watch it and be like hey this is just educational stuff and then they went during our youth and transitioned to just dog shit where they're like fucking i love how insanely disrespectful it is to the egyptians where it's like they're like this is the one thing like we accomplished this so long ago like we are at the we were like so advanced

and stuff and people just come by and go like no that's aliens you brown people are too dumb for that shit you can't make a triangle up there you fucking idiots there's new data was the were the pyramids a result of ages ahead of their time geometry or perhaps and then it's like yeah downcast camera it's like and then a guy like summoning electricity like some other answer is needed and it's like the egyptian wizard and they're like you're right they passed like ships in the night i remember watching history channel documentaries that were like and in world war one mustard gas was a huge concern which resulted in people having to wear masks and hitler actually fought in world war one and the reason he had his goofy mask was because long mustaches

weren't, they would keep the gas mask open so that and then three weeks later it's like Nazis the occult and it's like really? While the Nazis were doing the Holocaust they also were sacrificing babies

to the devil and it's like at some point some of them were fighting a war here. Like, they were not. I like that. A lot of covens and witches were going down. No, see, they used that stuff to bridge the gap. Because what you just described with the Nazis looking for, like, the Holy Grail or whatever the fuck. They did that shit.

Himmler was really into that stuff. And it's kind of fun to learn about. Because you can only the like step by step what happened at d-day so many times but then they just full out like went wild with it and it was like alien ancient aliens and all that other nonsense if i was egyptian and i saw that that guy the fucking aliens dude with the crazy i would uppercut him so fucking hard i'd be like dude you got like half the western world thinking that we can't make a fucking pyramid like come on this is like our one claim to fame like this is what yeah people know us for and you're saying that we ain't even smart enough to do this shit i come on i'd be i'd be fucking screaming what do you do when you get

what do you do when you get somebody else's UPS package delivered to your house? Steal it. Yeah? No. I'll take it back to their house. I check if it's someone in my neighborhood. Yeah, I go and give it to them. This has never happened to me, but hypothetical.

If it was just delivered and I look up the address and it's across town, I'm stealing it. Yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. I look up the address and it's like across town. I'm stealing it. Oh, yeah. Dude, there is a guy who used to live at this house that is in serious trouble with the IRS. I love those.

When you move into a new place and you get the mail from the previous... Dude, when the IRS starts sending colored letters, it's like... I'm thinking like, how have they not found this guy? Because they must not have found this guy. Cause I keep getting mail for him.

Like every six months, pay your fucking taxes. I don't know who you are. That guy's gone. Yeah. He's like, today I got a place and, uh,

and seeing the, just little bits of the lifestyle of the previous tenant. You just see, you find shit in the corners of the closets. You get little pieces of their mail and you're like, oh, they were really into, you know, whatever they signed up for, like boating weekly or something. I guess I was really into boats. And then I got a good one today. Oh, yeah.

Wait, what? I got a good one today. I got 60 K cups. Oh, that's actually. Well, do you have a Keurig? Of course. Yeah. Oh, it's like three of every kind you have a Keurig? Of course, yeah. Oh, okay.

It's like three of every kind. Is it like end flavors? Yeah. That's dope. That is... And it wasn't addressed to you? Nope. You just got free 60K cups? I also got free 60K cups in the kitchen now.

I opened it up a little while ago. I went through them all. And then a bunch of books that are for kids. I don't know what I'm going to do with that. If that was me, I would love that shit. I read my kids two books a night. Yeah, it's not that kind of book. It's like, hang on, I'm going to get them.

Everybody poops. You read your kids two books a night? Yeah, every night, dude. And I love the Dr. Seuss ones. I got those fucking things down. I got a rhythm and everything. I don't fuck up the rhymes and the words. Fox on socks, I can do like first try, easy peasy,

all the way through without fucking up. Redfish, bluefish, or whatever. That's a classic. One fish, two fish, redfish, bluefish. Bluefish, yeah. The one that I'm not fucking big on is the places you'll go is very disturbing to me. I don't care for that.

I remember that one. There's a lot of Curly Q Spires and things like that. I remember I loved Butterside Up and Butterside Down, the toast ones, where there was a war. The Big Life Journal. For kids. What kind of lessons does it have for children? Well, just for fun, if you could throw a party for children well yeah uh just for fun if you could

throw a party for your friends and family what would it be like draw or describe the party beloved as a box for you know there oh it's like a write your own book book yeah it's like i do my best that's the next oh that's that's the end of that chapter okay um this is love learning uh i have special talents i am only passionately curious. It's some Einstein quotes. I don't know, man. It's much of a self-help book for a five-year-old. Some kind of Hispanic fellow with a guitar.

Where is it? What's the backdrop there? Where's he at? Space, I think. Or maybe is that a book? A book in the world is floating around. That book sucks. It's about learning another language. A kid is happier for having not received that oh oh this is about chris hadfield actually becoming

an astronaut so yeah there's this one that was chris hadfield yeah i throw him back up on screen it's gonna be hard to find him that guy looked like a mexican gardener that they did exactly what i believe anyone can anyone can be an astronaut if you believe what just happened you must be an astronaut that kind of they made him look like a weird off-duty mariachi

guy hey you know you know if uh if the general from those insurance commercials got contacts and lost some weight that's who it would be save some time if uh if the general from those insurance commercials one eight hundred awesome weight that's who it would be and then save some time i got the uh the three minute gratitude journal for kids all right let's run through this let's put it to this that sounds like some bullshit where you're like trying to force your kid to be grateful for all the stuff yeah you're teaching them manners basically i think grateful to your cool dad it's like every day roof over your head so like for every day of the week it's like i'm thankful for one two and

three and then this person brought me joy today colon and then i feel and then like smiley faces through all the way to frowny face like shit like that yeah so like some poor kid out there is not going to be able to express himself properly now. Sorry, that's not going to focus. Maybe I can see like the feelings part being kind of important. And then I don't know what this one is. It almost feels wrong to open it, but it says I am a gift. No, you're not. No, it is.

Yeah, it's a gift. My birthday is coming up. How did they know? Oh, man. So that and the 60K cups. So it was. It is. Yeah, it's a gift to you. My birthday's coming up. How did they know? Oh, man. So that and the 60K cups. So it was a good day. Yeah, that's solid. You dropped a package on my- You absolutely got some little kid's birthday delivery.

Yes, I did. He's about to learn something. That little kid is about to get a life lesson that no book can teach. I'm going to start start let's see uh what is it a thursday i am thankful for the ups man not being able to read my address you know do you know what would be unironically the funniest thing for you to do is if you go through and fill out the entire thing and then ship it back to them that would be just like fill it out completely yeah it's well worn it's a lot of scribbles and corrections do it in like four months yeah that'd be great for you so like how close were these people to you that's not relevant not close you need to

look up their address and be like you what do you mean look it up horrible choices it was written on the package i know exactly where they are if i get a package it's not mine it's for like my next door neighbor and that happens once a year yeah like here's what happens most of the time i tear into the package before i know it's theirs we're gonna say that that's what happens. Most of the time, I tear into the package before I know it's theirs. We're going to say that that's what happened today. Been there. And then sometimes I end up with like one of my neighbors, I guess, like gets these fake eyelashes. And I was like, it's going to be weird for me to return these to her.

Maybe someday I'll date a black girl. Better steal them. Yeah. It's not really stealing. It's failing to return it was given to me and and and that's all I know yeah

when you're delivered something that's not yours what do you do because I bet it's rare for you because your house is so unique there no I usually you can tell which neighbor it was for and i put it in the golf cart and i go visit a neighbor it's actually kind of fun woody burns it all right

that's sick that way so i mean here's why here's why here's why i think you should always keep it and here's why i always keep it and here's why i think you should keep my package if it ever gets delivered to you amazon has great customer service let's both have one okay you know what look look look if my rogue plates had went to my neighbor yesterday and i was like hey they didn't get delivered and they were like shit we'll send you some new ones i'd be so psyched for my neighbor to have a cool set of rogue plates now like i see him working out in his garage he's got like a little mini gym like he doesn't have nice shit but if i looked and i saw he had like rogue plates now i would give it like i see him working out in his garage he's got like a little mini gym like he doesn't have nice shit but if i looked and i saw he had like rogue plates out of nowhere on his little thing i'd be like yeah how many 45s did you get just two i've already got two gone like 30 seconds who doesn't mean forage i come back we're talking about fucking plates again sorry what do you think we are we had successfully driven it away

we're still talking about um stealing from our neighbors what i was saying was that i think it's always the right thing to do to keep whatever comes to you it was good yeah because that's what i would want you to do with my shit because amazon's gonna hook you up now so we both get one so i i'm choosing between me getting only you getting something or only me getting something and us both getting something. It's like that railroad thing where you don't know which way to flip the switch. I came up with a new way to flip switch. We both get shit now. Yeah, but when I order something, I get excited for it to show up.

And if you make me wait that fucking three, four days for me to get the replacement, I'm going to come at you swinging. If I see that you have my rogue plates in your garage, if you see me in my front yard, pulling out my fucking head. You see me filling up my gratitude journal out front at the mail slot for that gratitude journal to come shooting in. And I see you out on your hammock filling out your gratitude book the next day yeah i'm gonna be fucking pissed it's funny you mentioned that like i pulled into my house the other day and my my uh my neighbor was outside he's about 30 i guess black guy and he comes walking toward me and he's like yo roll my window down hey what's up man he's like somebody out here checking mailboxes and i'm like huh he's like yo roll my window down hey what's up man he's like somebody out here checking

mailboxes and i'm like huh he's like somebody's out here going through all the mailboxes just come through here they seen him and i was like who what do you look like and he said it was a light skin and then that other word i'm not allowed to say for some reason even though he said it um it was a light skin. Um, what, what, what do we say instead? Um,

we just, it was a night. He said it was a light skin Ninja. Whoa. Why do you, why did you take it to a racial place? You said like, like no one here has mentioned race or anything of the sort.

What did Sam say? He said African American. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I what did sam say he said african-american yeah oh yeah i don't know why he said that i was talking about martial artists i figured oh yeah no yeah i thought you were talking about because it would make more sense if a light-skinned black guy was going through mailboxes than no asians asians like you've never seen like filipinos are a bit more dark skinned this was clearly a japanese man who had been speaking about makes a lot of sense in georgia for a asian man to be sleuthing around going through people's mailboxes i i didn't realize i'm sorry i didn't fucking i wasn't paying attention he was wearing a hoodie i could be wrong he said it was a light-skinned ninja

and i was like oh one of those day i was like i don't like that at all he's like me neither we're gonna go we're gonna look on our camera see if we can get it you look on yours and i'm like yeah and i like i pull up my cameras and stuff and like you have yeah and he's got like a hoodie on you can't see him but he is he's walking a pit bull like through our neighborhood like going through everybody's shit and like the mail hadn't been delivered yet to me i guess or maybe i just didn't have any that day so he's just like he goes through everybody's fucking mailboxes and are we looking for packages yeah yeah i guess so with his pit bull too which is scary he doesn't want your bills

the little bills don't mind if i do are you like one of those uh do you like pit bulls or i'm personally like anti-pit bull for like 99% of the time. I will say this because I think they're like killing machines and that like they're meant to be like doing a very specific job. My dad has just had like three dogs in a row die to like either animal attacks or like getting smushed by machinery. And he's like, I think the next dog I get is going to be a pit bull i raise from a puppy because i need something that can survive around here like these little like these little dogs i've been getting they're not tough enough they can't handle it like no no it's not that little but it's like little like 30 pound like little 30 pound mixed like type dogs that look that there's like yipping around and running like they get hit by a tractor

or something they just fucking get vaporized whereas in the past our bigger dogs like they can take a lick and keep on ticking if you get them with a vet and so i think he's gonna get i think he might actually get a pit bull because like we also have the fucking neighbor's dogs every now and then we'll like come over and like want to kill one of our dogs and now you're gonna now i'm with you because i like, he could have a chocolate lab or something and it would be sturdy for the farm. We had a chocolate lab. We had that.

And it was, I remember it was fighting three Dobermans at the same fucking time in the field. And like, but little did they know, like Max had backup. So dad's on the back porch with a rooming to 700, like laying them out one after another.

And they're far enough away that Max and the Dobermans have no idea what's going on and he's like you can see him he's like they're in a standoff and like one of them falls over dead and he's just like fuck yeah scared him to death when that dog came home when that dog came home

after having felled three larger beasts he was on top of the fucking world his tail was just what's up guys yeah i was holding it down for you out there killed three of them i was about to say if like a neighbor's dog comes onto my property and fucks with anything like like i don't think you can get shit for shooting them like right i had that i told the story on the show before like when we first moved in here down dude our neighbor had an aggressive german shepherd and uh you have to understand that i live on a pretty big lot so for him to get to

i've seen the full satellite view of your place i was watching your videos like this guy's a psycho he's just pointed out like yeah graphically he's like where it is like come in from this angle if you don't want to be seen here's the access that was funny you are suicidal dude you're just giving away like every like here's a 360-degree scan of my whole property I did a house tour once but anyway the inside and another. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah.

So, so then, you know, but the audience needs to know that it's a big property. So for a German shepherd to come all the way to the center of it, where our house is, is really intrusive more so than it would have been at our last place. And he, he was aggressive enough that like my wife and kids couldn't leave the car. You know,

they're in the driveway and the dog's like barking at him she's calling me i'm inside like i don't even know how to get from my car to my house because the neighbor's dog is harassing us or um uh outside our kitchen doors where the you know the outside trash cans yeah um you know we can't throw our trash away because the dog is not letting us out of our house or at the end that the dog would like chase me to where I took the trash to the curb. And at one point I talked to the neighbors and I was like, I don't know what to do. Like I'm, I'm like forced to shoot your dog. Your dog is attacking me on my property and you let him run free all the time to harass my family. And I, yeah, you got kids and a wife, dude, I would have done that thing down first, first day they ended up moving uh and they had planned on moving anyway it wasn't about me unless i expedited it i

don't know yeah but i i do feel in the right like if a dog um look i went through that my whole life like living on that farm and always having our own dogs and you know livestock with like when a calf gets born it's covered in blood and like crazy weak. And like, you wouldn't think a dog won't run up and tear a calf to death. They just won't do that, but they will chase it. Cause that's fun to them. And they can chase death. Like, like, and they can, dogs are good at that. And calves aren't like, if they chase it enough, they'll stress it out and they heat stroke in the summer. Like they just die. Like, like, like that sort of thing happens. So when they came on on our property we zapped them and we didn't ask anybody or tell anybody we zapped them and they

we just threw them with whatever we had handy yeah we killed them we shot them dead okay yeah yeah if you own a dog and if they were there they were up to no good like they weren't they weren't there to visit they were hanging out dogs like i'm not shooting your dog on your property your dog came to my you let your dog run free my dog doesn't leave my property dog walking in my ditch like i have a more suburban type place i've seen your plot of land and everything man like if a dog is at your actual in your carport yeah he's getting gunned down you are way beyond this ain't a stroll through the corner of my lot you're that's where you like hit the garage door opener let it close behind him you're like

yeah oh you fucked up buddy yeah i would drop this thing off at the neighbors too i would be like i'm really sorry for three or four hours come out there throw the dog in the back you're all done the dog goes into the garage like like joe pesci shot in the back of the head i just imagine you like eating dinner with jackie and be like i'm gonna i'm gonna borrow this knife this big knife you got here i hit a deer all the way i I got to, what do you call it? The hoof. I got to hack it off. Are you going to hack the dog up and bury it? No, you'd be totally in the right, Woody. I'm a dog lover.

I wasn't looking forward to this. Kyle gave me a good idea. We actually put bear spray. The golf cart has cup holders. That's our first step, bear spray. See how the dog responds to that. I watch a lot of his cop videos. Shout out to all of you who i'm sure watched police activity and loved it last week you're welcome um keep watching it it's great stuff every day new content

folks getting gunned down and stuff and what i've noticed because i've watched so much of those people getting gunned down is that bullets don't always work unless you hit like the brain or the spine like you can shoot someone in the heart and they'll come over across the room and stab you to getting gunned down is that bullets don't always work unless you hit like the brain or the spine like you can shoot someone in the heart and they'll come over across the room and stab you to death like it doesn't matter because they don't need a heart to take one more step and stab you three times because that happens in less than a second it's a quarter of a second one step stab stab stab you didn't need a heart to do that and i've seen them do it i watched i watched a guy come up an entire flight of basement stairs

at a cop shooting him with a pistol as fast as he could. He got to the top of the stairs, hit the cop with a bat. I don't know if the cop lived or not, but the cop was fully unconscious, and they were laying on top of each other on the floor. But I've seen people get shot with pepper spray, and they change their fucking mind about what's going to happen tonight. I mean, I've been hit by it too, and I know it's like

there's that moment you grab something hot, and it doesn't immediately you don't feel it immediately. You're like, oh, I've grabbed something hot. That's what you feel. You feel that there's that quarter second delay. That's how long you have until you're done doing whatever you were doing before. It's over.

It doesn't matter. There's a difference between like like pepper spray and like the real shit that fucks you up yeah you want uh pepper spray with bear gel it's yeah whatever that bear shit is a whole another level it gets on is it worse and it's just like frothing in your eyes and everything like that yeah i think they made like a foam or a gel for bears like he's describing and obviously like like the the volume and the pressure that it's putting out is substantially bigger the saber red that um i've used and that i tell girls to buy and that i've been sprayed with is like a squirt gun it's what your daughter that we recommended with the the practicing thing and all that stuff i have like three or four of those practice uh pepper spray things anytime like i meet a new girl i'm like hey do or four of those practice pepper spray things. Anytime I meet

a new girl, I'm like, hey, do you even know what that pepper spray does? You ever sprayed it? And they're like, no. I'm like, try to spray that picture frame with this. And they always miss. And it's like, what if he was a killer? I'm like, why are you crying? All right, now we're going to try it for real. Yeah. This time for real. But yeah, no, she did that. I kind of want to repeat that for the listeners. When Hope was first going off to college, it was like, how does she,

do you have any expertise in self-defense type stuff? And he suggested a pepper spray and had her buy a practice pepper spray that she could try. And yeah, anyway, that's what you do. So it just shoots water. It's like a water gun it's the exact same mechanism and pressure and everything it's sold from this the the company

um i i've always used saber red stuff i'm almost sure they make a big um um bear thing too i used it because i heard it's what prisons used back before i went to prison and to me that was industrial grade you know like you ever buy a cleaner like you want to degrease something and yeah there's a bunch of warnings on it you're like i do not want anything like what do they use in prison to clean the shit and blood off the walls of the cells i want that stuff i want that pink stuff that that homie was rubbing on the floor over there it got everything out whatever that is i want warnings labels and stuff have you guys ever gone to that instagram page that's like crime scene cleaner ink or something ever no that sounds gross no yeah it's like it's an instagram it's

the guy runs a csi or a crime scene cleaner business and i don't know how he gets around it but you follow his page and he's just like yeah so this person fell 48 stories and cracked on the pavement and he just shows the before of like a complete ketchup packet in person you know they've squished and then and then he shows like the after which is a beautiful pristine sidewalk no blood stains anywhere you know and I and they're incredible he's there somewhere it's like person died in a bathtub and they found him 48 weeks later. And he's like, it's a picture of the bathtub and everything.

And then next picture is, it looks like a brand new bathroom. He's cleaned it. You know, in this, in this modern day, this modern day world where so many are struggling with the wage gap and unemployment and such,

this seems crime scene cleanup seems like an area where a hardworking entrepreneur could slide under and underbid everyone and get himself knee deep and viscera and really make a career out of it right like if you would he has his cleaners dude you could do this but his cleaning like formula he says he makes his own shit oh he's like an alchemist he's over there like making his own windex and stuff. He refuses to say because... Proprietary blend.

Yeah, because not only does it clean up all the blood and shit so you can't visually see it, but he says if you were to do the swab, they say if you clean blood with bleach, they do the swab and they go, there's blood there but the DNA is damaged. They can't do a DNA match, but they can say there was blood here.

Or bodily fluid in general. Yeah. You know what you do? This guy, his shit cleans it. It's like some enzyme cleaner. It cleans it to the point where they can't even tell that there's blood. So you've got to murder someone and then hire him to clean up the scene and say that the cops have already been there or whatever. That's probably his business model.

He's just keeping it. Because I found a couple accounts on Instagram. I don't use Instagram, but I thought you couldn't show extreme graphic blood and gore stuff. One of the pictures he had on there, or if this is the same guy

or a different guy, was clearly where someone was probably stabbed to death in bed and it is there's so much weight of viscera and blood and gore and that like the side of the bed is like there's still like an eighth of a person there like that much viscera and it's just a picture of that this guy did not have any after photo he's just stoked to be sharing his line of work apparently but it is and there's other ones where it's like shit everywhere other guys that's really much of a fucking business model if you just show the before picture i want to fucking after you think they get paid by the hour no they

get paid by the difficulty of work i would no i would charge i would charge like $350 an hour. And I think that would just cut it, right? Like, oh my God, that's what it would cost, right? Like throw a number out. You're going to have to be a ton. You're going to be crime to clean up, man. I'm 60 minutes in waiting through the brain matter and shattered bone. And I'm not going to be like, wow, that was worth $350 fucking dollars. No, i want more

than that oh no way no i think that's what the man on the ground should get paid but it's not what he gets paid is it i think that's what i would need to get paid to be the man on the ground i'd do it for 350 an hour oh fuck me in the ass oh no 15 an hour 50 that's the average that's what they pay at kroger i know don't work at kroger work at kroger dude he quoted postman make 18 to 34 an hour yeah they don't have to clean up a single dead body unless it's after hours and they're doing their own thing there's gas stations near me that say like starting at 14 it's like yeah go do that i would rather clean up dead bodies than work at a gas station i'm gonna be honest with you well this is a quick trip those are the nice gas stations like the flying j of wherever the hell you are no yeah yeah it's really fancy all right really

fancy is going too far it's a fucking gas station it's a very nice gas station area is so ridiculous like it is americana in like one corner of a goddamn gas station i don't know how many different kinds of slurpy slash slushies slash icies slash flavored coffees they have back there but 100 wouldn't be an unreasonable like like number oh yeah it's absurd and they have like the new quick trips at least the ones near me like they have a whole area now where it's like you you area now where you can order. You can order a pizza. Or chicken wings. Or onion rings.

I've never gotten anything there. Me either. Even me, I'm not going to get a pizza at QuickTrip. It's got a 4.7 stars on DoorDash. I noticed that the other day. How the fuck does QT...

I always go by highest rated because I'm going to find some hidden gem Indian place or something. Fucking Racetrack is the highest rated restaurant near me. It's depressing. Because they got fried chicken. Your birthday's coming up. When is it?

If you don't mind saying. Roughly, maybe. Oh my. What kind it, if you don't mind saying? Or roughly, maybe. Oh, my. What kind of big plans have you got? What kind of big plans? Dinner? Not a ton. We're going to do stuff this weekend instead of on Friday.

Yeah, so I think my wife and I are going to go out to a nice dinner on Saturday or Sunday evening. I haven't decided where I want to go yet. I don't know if I want to go to a steak place. I don't know if I want to go to a – don't know if I want to go to a steak place. I don't know if I want to go to a... Maybe I'll make an ass of myself at a crab restaurant. That could be a... Oh, okay. My decision's been made, I think. That could be

a good idea. I'll show you the... I don't know why, but I'll show you the restaurant I'm going to for my birthday. I don't know why. I guess just to brag, really. It's not like there's one there where you are or anything. But I don't know. I already picked a place out, but that's what I'm going to do as well. Nice. Yeah, your birthday's coming guess just to brag really um it's not like there's one there where you are or anything but uh but uh i don't know i already picked a place out but that's what i'm gonna do as well nice yeah your birthday's coming up yeah just a month uh what less than a month away five nine eight six from

the from the old youtube channel yep yep it uh that i was very creative back then woody do you still celebrate your birthday or have you had so many that you're like this is fucking lame i don't care anymore we got high this year to be uh are you one of those people that expects to be like oh my lord it's your birthday today no uh notoriously yes they bought a pecan pie for me and i like oh dude those are fucking dope with coffee yeah those are that's what we did remember last year taylor when i told you i was thinking about getting you that phrenology head for your birthday yes but then i decided not we were among intellectuals but that's what i'm talking about i have a head caliper right over there yeah so it's something

he has like like some big interest a man of science let me grab my caliper. It's like an inside joke of a birthday present. I told Taylor, I was like, I thought about this for you. I was like, this would be the perfect gift for you. And then I just didn't get it because I didn't want to. Taylor, where do you live? St. Louis. St. Louis, okay. Yeah, that's kind of a place of like, it's a hotbed of racial tension.

I wouldn't get a phrenology head anywhere near your fucking property. How's he ever going to know if his UPS man is one of the good ones? If he doesn't have a scallop. You come across an intellectual black guy, he's going to look at that shit and be like, that's worse than having a KKK flag or some shit in your house. And I'm going to be like, well, that makes sense because you have a shallow brain pan. I'm going to calliper his fucking head and he is going to uppercut you. Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

That's because your uppity sensor is so large. Yep. Look at that. Look at all that uppity. Yeah. That's the damage. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to get a phrenology flag for my front yard.

This and those fucking divining rods and shit. Like, this place is wild. I'm all about this show over here. Hell yeah. So good to see you for your birthday. It's like dude version of, like, a holistic science or whatever. Like, guy versions of that shit is always, like, women have crystals and stuff. But we got, like, you know, we can find out if you less smart than us based on these what these calipers say over here

guy science is fucking wild i can i can figure out where water is 30 feet unders i got these sticks i mean i i calipered my head and i was top percentage by almost every metric whoa huge skull which means by the proven science of phrenology that I'm brilliant. That's insane because my grandma had a kid one time it was her first born. Came out its fucking head was like four sizes too big

and they said there's like a gallon of water sloshing around in there. This thing's fucking brain dead. But according to them calipers that's like the smartest kid ever born. It's like an inverse jimmy newton they call that a waterhead baby yeah yeah i read a book when i was a kid medical uh it was called it was called my pig man and me and uh and it was about this kid growing up in this neighborhood and i think it was a greek thing having a pig man it was some nonsense but anyway there was a waterhead baby

and the kid would always talk about how freaky the waterheaded baby looked like looked when the mom would like cradle it on the porch and shit it was yeah yeah and the enormous like freakazoid head yeah but uh what you guys didn't realize is thanks to phrenology we know those are super genius people but it's because their brains taking it easy floating around in all that water that's right has plenty of time to get strong i bet they'd be incredible at mma oh for sure yeah remember that classic car crash like a waterhead baby homer simpson fought uh dredrick tatum in that classic fight at moe's and he survived because of that extra layer of intracranial fluid which is based on science shit you remember on phrenology science no this is based on the simpson science which is even more rigid than phrenology yeah no phrenology would have been the most fun study back in the day because it's like oh we need to do our studies what you mean

take out the ruler and hold it to their cheekbone and like say the number like and then you just make up whatever you want like oh you you're a fucking retard because you didn't come to my birthday party or oh you're you're you're selfish person. Like, have you seen those old turn of the center? It's like 1850s, these little pamphlet comics they would release. And it's called like, like it'll be a picture of someone with like a nice straight nose. And it'll say above it,

like the sure headed man. And then it'll have a picture of like a hook nose, like beady eyed person. And it'll say like the classic liar and it's like they were straight up saying like oh that person they have a hook nose that's classic liar behavior oh he's he's rubbing his hands together connivingly oh he's a bad guy yeah like when in reality people who rub their hands together connivingly are probably good people. I do that all the fucking time.

Thank you so much. Yeah. We're usually the exception that proves the rule. I have very soft hands. I just like feeling them. That's all. How do you keep them soft lifting all the heavy stuff? I wear gloves.

I always wear gloves. I look like a Pokemon trainer. You wear those gay biker gloves? No, like a Pokemon trainer. Like fingerless. Even gayer. Fingerless gloves. gloves i look like a pokemon gay biker gloves no like a pokemon trainer like fingerless even gay fingerless oh i've got a i got a um pokemon shirt and i like pose with it on and i do like do the pose and i put the cap you got his misty shorts on yeah i do i do and it says got to catch

them all at the bottom the misty shorts cancels out the gayness that makes it then straight again because it's you've gone so far that it's ironic and that just means you're self-assured yeah yes but if you were if you were wearing just normal stuff, normal lifting gear, fingerless gloves, okay. But once you're fingerless gloves and shorts, it's like, this guy's going for it. This is the straightest thing I've ever seen. I guess they do probably look kind of lame. I just really don't care. I'm wearing them in most of the pictures I've taken at the gym and stuff because they keep my hands from getting calluses,

and I lift a lot of heavy things and do pull-upsups and like lots of reps and stuff and i don't have any calluses um and i like it that way because i'm not like working in a field or anything i don't have any calluses either so the main thing i like to do my hands is like finger women and fucking don't want calluses for that so like yeah you know so my main goal is to have like i mean if i could like surgically have like a few of these made into like a better penis or something like, like, like a better penetrative thing,

like, you know, have like, this one could be like a corkscrew, right? We can do them together. Yeah. Yeah.

If I could, if I could remember the crab boy from that, uh, the, the, the freak, uh, story,

big on like fingering, dude, like you, you have a penis for a reason. Well, it's just a little change of pace. I can put my penis in her butt. It's definitely not something I would ever

even think about outside of doing it. Also, your penis isn't prehensile. You do it a little bit just so later you can do a little sniff. But that's about it. Wait, your penis is on the outside of your body? Like just hanging there? Like, just hanging there?

It's just hanging there. The house is fully retractable. Fucking disgusting, bro. I'm like a dolphin. All smooth until I'm ready for action. Think about how much more convenient that would be. Dude, we would all look like Ken dolls,

and it would be so slick. Why does sperm need to die at such a low temperature? At a high temperature? Oh no, at a low temperature. No, it's a golden law thing. Why can't sperm survive to higher temperatures?

Because I say why is this stuff on the outside? Well, sperm die at high temperatures so that's why testicles hang on the outside keeping cooler just put them like in the middle like change that rule or something it's because that rule it's because the membrane on a sperm cell has to be much thinner than the membranes of most other cells in our bodies because it's meant to deliver its dna payload in the most efficient way once it gets to the egg so it's like hogwash to me it's by design a very weak cell because it's going in there on a

suicide mission. Because every sperm is a little homunculus. By the way, that's 100% made up. Yeah, that doesn't sound right. It has to penetrate the egg. You made that up? Dude, I totally believed you. I'm not going to lie.

I believe you. Kamikaze is meant to explode on impact. Their torpedo is meant to penetrate when it finds the egg. I was you. Kamikaze's meant to explode on impact. Their torpedo's meant to penetrate when it finds the egg. I was like, this sounds backwards. Have you seen the drawings of what they thought sperm was in the year 1605?

They're all just tiny little homunculi. It's a bunch of tiny little men who are trying to get in like trying to batter down the egg yeah man being a scientist before like honestly 30 years ago science yeah oh yeah fucking incredible kidding me i guarantee like a big chunk of like the shit we believe right now, 100 years from now, will be laughable.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, but now we've got microscopes and stuff. Okay, you make a good point. We made a gigantic leap just learning that disease was caused by microbes, like that whole thing, that germs were a thing. They thought, oh, what was the word they used? Humors. Humors or something. Or or affirmaments in the air or it's like some nonsense like that you have an excess of black bile you need to they thought it's phrenology now that you bring it up like that is the only

difference between phrenology and like the humor thing is the fact that they invented a ruler that's it you know we're not actually in the phrenology right we just thing is the fact that they invented a ruler. That's it. You know we're not actually into phrenology, right? We just think it's a funny thing, and I was going to be able to help. No, no, no. Yeah, I know that. Yeah, I get that. But Taylor seems to know a lot about it, and I think he's one of those people that's like, oh, no, I just think it's funny, and then he really practices it.

No, no, it is true. He practices it. Yeah. I don't want that to get missed. We call him the head honcho for a reason. Yes. You've all done cranium measuring, and you've figured out who the brain is. I don't want that to get messed up. We call him the head honcho for a reason. Got you. You've all done cranium measuring,

and you've figured out who the brainiac is. I'm growing mine right now with HTA. Dude, you were right about black bile being one of the four humors. There's blood, yellow bile, black bile, and phlegm. And so these motherfuckers were just like, oh, you've got yellow bile and blood? You're suffering from demons. Like that. What's excess phlegm?

Because I feel like Woody's all phlegmy. Oh, you're ate off phlegm. If you have too much phlegm, what's the official diagnosis? I'm not phlegmy. He seems like a phlegmy guy. Yeah.

Like, it just seemed like they would make up shit. Like, was there any correlation between the previous diagnosis and, like, like, how do you even measure black bile? Like, I don't get it. There's... By the bootfall. It doesn't seem helpful.

Yeah, it's just called melancholy. Look, depression was attributed to excess or unnatural black bile secreted by the spleen. Oh, I just remembered this. Like, I had a huge segment about this on a video that for some reason got the ads yanked off of it. But I used to love, like, Victorian doctors. Like, women would come in. They'd be like, I just feel like the world's like weighing down on me and like i just don't know what to do and or like and he would just be like yeah

you're hysterical bitch and he would just like finger blaster like yeah or he'd get up with those like steam powered vibrators they had yeah they yeah he would crank it up filling up with coal. Burn it! That was his doctor's whole thing. He would just walk and be like yeah, this bitch is hysterical and he would just masturbate them. That is so funny. You're in a bad mood? Well, I don't have any rights and I can't vote. You're

crazy. Pop that pussy out. You're crazy. Dude, if you put that anywhere near my genitals, I'm fucking leaving. I really need to put a cover on that chain. Yeah, I was about to say, it's got a chain. It doesn't even have a little guard or anything. Oh, yeah. This is like hardcore.

Remember that board game Mousetrap? By the way, there's no way this is real. This is like, I don't know where you got the sandwich. This didn't exist. There's no way that existed. Dude, the producer put it up. It's a little bit Rube Goldberg like there's more efficient way i mean it looks like it works frankly but i'm just saying like all right i've got the machine aligned to your pussy pop the balloon to start the process

don't worry you're gonna have quite the orgasm in 15 minutes this is a victorian dude there was not a single efficient machine they were all crazy they were called crate like the first bicycle they made was the one with the big 11 foot tire like they uh a penny were not efficient people back then they were fighting i think a normal person would go maybe the tire should be the same size like why would they make one huge it's because i don't think they had a gear ratio chain. So maybe you needed the big wheel to get any sort of power going? I didn't even think there was a chain.

I thought your feet just rotated the middle axis. I think it's just wheels. The pedals are right there at the front spoke, like right there at the big wheel. It must have been a stylistic choice. They do modern-day penny-farthing racing. that's got to be more dangerous than the ufc i've seen those things they're hilarious yeah and if you crash you're that's the next step a pin an electric penny farthing i like where your head is that sounds like fun that would be

a way cooler death for you by the way, than the lawn chair thing. Really? Oh, come on. Penny farthing's an embarrassing death. Lawn chair's better. When was the last time someone died on a penny farthing? That would be so awesome. Oh, three score and yawn. With the lawn chair thing, you're probably one of seven people that have

one of those, so I guess I'm dying by that. But it's a no-brainer. If you die by that, it's like, well, of of course he went flying in a chair that's like a no-brainer my dad was asking about it the other day he's like what he's still flying i'm like yeah he's like that that is pretty cool he's like i look at one of his videos a while back he's like i kind of want one of the ones that's a tricycle though i'm not running the tricycle ones are nice if you're not a runner. Or sometimes I think about getting one for tandem. Because then your passengers don't need to have any, like, athletic ability.

And you can control everything. Man, what about an ultralight plane, though? That's where I, like, you almost sold me just then with the trike. I was like, shit, I bet I could learn to fly a trike in two months flat. I bet that costs $15,000. Should I get a trike? And then I was like, no, Kyle, you should buy a partial piece of an ultralight with five other friends or something like that. The problem with the ultralight, I don't know.

A paramotor or paraglider is like a kayak you know it's maneuverable it's fast you can launch it in a yard it's it's a small agile little thing and people sort of like what you should get a plane like it's an upgrade but i hear what do you like a pontoon boat i see you on your kayak out there doing stunts in the white water rafting but wouldn't you like a pontoon boat like see you on your kayak out there doing stunts in the white water rafting but wouldn't you like a pontoon boat like i'm saving that for my older age yeah that's the difference between having like a dirt bike and someone going like get one of those big fucking cruisers with the big gay hard plastic saddlebag things exactly and i'm not saying their other

things aren't cool a big cruiser might be fun but it's a different mission no i agree like they're really comfy though it's the same though you see those guys on the interstate and they're basically driving like a recliner with wheels like they yeah it looks so comfy i saw i i think of them as lame because like i feel like i took i i was specifically thinking about the trike guys on the road. That's what I'm thinking about. The two, I saw one the other day. I think they had two wheels in the front. Am I crazy? Yeah.

No, that exists. Yamaha makes one. Yeah. It was two. There was a pair of two wheels in the front and I'd never seen that before. And I was just like, they were trying to, they were dressed like bikers. And I was just like, y'all are lame. Y'all are lame. So that one with two wheels in the front is a motorcycle but if you widen the

wheels by like six inches it's a car and doesn't need a license like it needs an automobile license so the theory is that they're kind of making a motorcycle where they figure it all out and then they'll just widen the wheels a little bit and sell it to car people. Maybe it's a winner. I don't know. I don't know. It looked lame to me. This doesn't look like it had to. Me too. Turning radius is like one of the biggest advantages of a motorcycle that it'll fucking turn on a dime almost. It will.

But like, I don't know. That thing didn't seem like it could do that. The motorcycle doesn't look as cool. The farther you lean, the more it turns, as you know uh when there's two front wheels there's a limit on how far it can lean like the suspension travel needs to do one of these things i don't know if i'm showing it very well on camera so it should travel needs to do that for one wheel to touch and the other wheel to touch and uh so there's a limit i think like 45

degrees is as far as it will lean which is not very good but um if you could live with that it's a car which is you know appeals to other strengths i wonder if it has wonder what the insurance is like um as a car but it has no cab you're just sitting on there like a fucking asshole well it's basically i i call it a car it looks like a motorcycle here let me see if I can find it. Dude, don't do it. Like, this is the same thing with, like, campers. Like, you get the teardrop with the little kitchenette and, like, just a place to sleep. Or you get, like, the big fucking, like, actual Winnebago.

Don't get the middle ground where it's, like, the stupid thing that you kind of, like, pull that's, like, too uncomfortable to sit in, but it does have a table and it's like you haven't you're not really camping you know like don't don't fucking half-ass it either get a motorcycle that's a fucking motorcycle or get a car so this thing in between is lame i hear you look at this thing that's a motorcycle okay never mind that's a motorcycle that is not what i'm talking about yeah now you widen those wheels just a few inches and you can drive it without a motorcycle. Okay, never mind. That's a motorcycle. That is not what I'm talking about. Yeah. Now, you widen those wheels just a few inches, and you can drive it without a motorcycle license. Do I think it's as cool? No.

But if I'm a guy with no motorcycle license, and you tell me I can have that, maybe. Yeah. God, it's so easy to get a license. Yeah. You can already operate it. I hear you. Zach, can we get a better picture? It's right there.

There we go. These are what I'm talking about. It's by can am and it's called a spider. Uh, I think I know of that. Yeah. And they're, uh, they're pretty fucking lame. Can I just like post this link or something? Yeah.

Exactly. It takes him a second, but he'll do it. Yeah. There's no Zach. You do it right. Fucking now. This is him. This is top speed.

He's racing to show this. Click the work! Okay. What the fuck is that? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you see dudes just like driving. I'm like, what the fuck is that thing? It looks like just something that even Batman would say, that's too gay for me to drive.

That's too gay for me. People are going to make fun of me online. I'm not going to save Rachel in that. Zach's trying to defend himself in chat, but we're, you know, the hosts aren't going to even acknowledge that. I didn't even see it.

Yeah, I didn't even see it. Well, that thing looks fucking stupid. Yeah, I don't like that. But the weird with the one with the little scissoring front tires, that one's cool.

Looks like an optical illusion. Yeah, that one's pretty dope. Then if you run over someone, they're going to be like, holy shit, this guy got hit by three motorcyclists. All these staggered wheels and stuff. It looked like he got killed by a gang of them. We're looking for a dangerous trio of ruffians.

Kyle, you think the big gold wings are lame um it's not for me for sure i don't know i don't like how big that thing is for one thing it's a little bit intimidating it's just too big well yeah i top heavy this might be what i saw what i saw looked so lame dude that's terrible that's four wheels this is a four-wheeler this is worse this would fall over that's worse than just a regular atv by a lot so much worse i don't know what it's supposed to be good at does this have any utility like what's it for maybe for zipping around like a gigafactory for elon musk and you needed to get to the other side of it real quick to like check something but otherwise this thing is worthless you know the only three-wheeler i would ever have is this thing these things fuck so hard and i

actually want one just for like you were also talking about like you have a golf cart fuck golf carts i would get one of these every time oh these are cool yeah the little indian like motorized rickshaws those things are so dope how is that that dope? What are you talking about? That thing fucks hard. That thing is got windshield wipers. My golf cart would beat that thing up. Can you imagine having sex in the back of that? Hey, babe, you want me to pop the top? You know, it's a cloth top.

Now, I bet that Indian man is 6'5", or this is tiny. It's tiny, but it's cool. It's way cooler than a golf cart. Dude, I love my golf cart so much. So I was going to buy. You're like 50 years old. Of course you like a golf cart.

So I was going to buy. It's called a Gator by John Deere. And it's like a golf cart on steroids almost. And a fan of the show was like, Woody, full disclosure, I work for Easy Go. They make my golf cart. But you should know, I worked at a golf course. And we had Gators, we had Polaris whatevers, and we had golf carts.

And everybody reached for the golf carts every time. They're just better. They're nicer to drive. They're more fun. And anytime a Gator and a golf cart were next to each other, no one chose the Gator. So I took his advice. And I bought this Easy Go golf cart.

But the back of it doesn't have seats like it would at a golf course it has like a little dump um dump bed like a pickup truck bed that dumps i love it so much my golf cart fucks dude i i used it a few minutes ago to take the trash out of you right before the show i will admit my friend had uh he lived on a plantation growing up and they that's how they got around was easy go golf carts that were they were the motor or they they ran on gas and they had um they had the bed on the back yeah that's what i have that not as a golf dude it's like utility car i was cleaning the garage recently and you just load the bed of the golf cart up with the things you want and then you drive it over what we put heavy shit

in there i guess we're remodeling the master bath so everyone so often we get like 800 pounds of tile and i just fucking look i loaded that golf cart up so heavy it was doing a wheelie i had to like lean over the hood of the front so that it didn't wheelie and after I got to my destination, I'm like, how light is the front? How much did I just haul? Can I pick it up? Yes. Can I pick it up with one hand? Yes. I made the do it. Can I pick it up with two fingers? Yes. Can I pick this golf cart up with just my pinky and make it or my index finger with one finger? I lifted the front. It had so much shit in the bed on the back it was like tipping back it was amazing this golf cart has no quit it doesn't go fast top speed is like 12 miles an hour is it electric no it's gas because i'm a man but you can put like 800 pounds of shit in the back and drive it uphill and it won't care yeah it's a monster

nothing manlier than uh standing around at the fucking gas station i would i fucking dude i have nothing but gas everything but like i am not doing that whole shit like the second i can get an electric car and never have to step foot near a gas pump ever again i'm i'm doing it i'm doing it i hear you i don't know i the people i see with the electric golf carts they're always not charged they're always not ready they're always half done the gas thing i put gas in it like every three months that's nice yeah yeah it probably gets about two or three hundred miles per gallon so i don't even i couldn't imagine it's a ton yeah we grew up with those um like golf carts are the way to go

dad's also got he's got a fleet of them now he's got this weird little thing that looks like from Austin Powers and Dr. Evil's Lair they were in these little pod cars these little electric bubble cars he got one of those

that he's been trying to get going again, but the electric motors are fucked and he's tinkering. He's got two or three easy goes, but then he's got two Kawasaki Mules and a Kubota. It's a fleet of those motherfuckers. Pathetically, he needs to go

across the farm. The golf cart, really. People don't know the Kubota is a mini pickup truck. It's's more it's stronger it's faster it has better suspension it depends what he's doing like like the kubota is like all-wheel drive like in and out of like creeks and like it can haul like all the tools you'd ever need to do like any sort of job on the other side of a farm but the golf cart is like a daily like zip around everywhere it's so easy to get in and out it's the main thing dude you wouldn't think that's that's a bitch made one i don't think that's what i have that looks like it's by kubota um i have an easy go one that's comparable to that

but uh anyway not using a key just like sliding your ass onto the bench and hitting the the gas and having it start to run and go away is really a big deal not not turning a key to start it changes the way that you use and then the brake just automatically locks and then you like hop right off yeah it's the brake and the parking brake are the same you know you just press the brake and walk away and it's it you wouldn't think those little things matter but not having to start it and not having to put on a break are a big deal. If you ever want to see like the most pimp golf carts, well, actually, yeah, because golf cart at a golf course, they have too much class to pimp their golf carts. But if you go to a sporting clays event, then these guys show up from all around the state

or even the country to shoot sporting clays against one another. And you go from shot to shot or hole to hole as it would be in golf in a golf cart and they show up in like hummer golf carts with like chrome rims on them and like the most ridiculous like nonsensical 10 15 000 golf carts you've ever seen it's it's crazy nonsense it's really fun to see i don't know why i thought golf carts were so much cheaper but like i've been looking at the new easy goes the cheapest one they have is eight grand and that's for like a little bitch made one like i'm sure what he's is like

well you get them used though like if you want one you just go buy one used somewhere for like a few hundred dollars oh then you think they could be that cheap? Yeah Oh, I didn't even know that Okay, well that one looks sick, I like that Well, I don't know, that's pretty wild Those seats are pretty slick Yeah, putting rims on your golf cart That is a There's a gated community here

Called Southwood And every house looks identical And so the only way that the people can flex on each other is who has the nicer golf cart are they all elderly back them out they get fucking like neon lights and shit and they it's a whole thing and uh in Peachtree City you're allowed to drive your golf cart like all over town like they're road legal and so like so like it's it like the cool thing to do is like like the kids drive them to like so like it's it like the cool thing to do is like like the kids drive them to high school like there's like there's golf cart parking at the

high school there's and there must be like 30 of them parked out there and so like everywhere people are driving around town in these things it's really neat it's that's neat but if i was 16 i would be fucking pissed if my parents were like no, you don't need a car. You need a golf cart. We'll buy you a golf cart. We're in the golf cart city. Dude, I can't go on a fucking road trip going 12 miles per hour. You could. It'd be high stakes.

My hair doesn't even blow in the wind. This is bullshit. That one is what mine looks like. Mine has black seats, but that's basically what I have. We get a lot of work done with it. Yeah, it's nice. It's not nice. No, it's nicer than the one on the website I'm looking at.

I'm so happy to have it. It's the end of a fucking podcast if we're on, like, golf cart topics. Hey, if you think that won't switch back to bumper plates. Dude, when we get close to four hours, it's like, how has everyone's bowel movements been? I don't know, man. I guess they've been fine. Shitting on golf cart talk. You don't

even have an alternative. No, I don't. I got nothing. Not an alternative to golf carts. No. Running. Running. car really no i don't i got nothing i got an alternative to golf carts running an unpleasant alternative any tool you can buy that can prevent you from having to run is worthwhile i do have kind of a funny story if you want to it's relevant to a story i heard from um from uh woody there was it was one of those like it was when i was uh going through your subreddit right and i remember seeing there was a lot of there was just people talking about

you had some story about going to like a black barber shop and you walked in and just went like i'm out that's not what happened oh oh that did happen i know oh yeah that totally no one time i got my hair what happened? Oh, yeah, that totally did. No, that's one time I got my hair cut and I thought it was, no, I, yeah, that happened. Yeah. Okay. So anyway, very, very similar to that. Very funny is my brother just got a, just got a divorce. he's got this kid and anything that like the ex-wife and her mother do ex-mother-in-law

do to the kid it's like anything that happens is under a microscope by my brother in his camp and vice versa my fucking mom does not play this shit dude she's like hey i'm this boy has long hair i'm gonna take him to go get his hair cut without apparently asking anybody. Which, in this situation, things are volatile. Cut hair on a two-year-old is a big deal. It's his first haircut. You know, she just took him out to go get his haircut. But because she was just tired of it, she watches him,

and his hair's just swinging in front of his eyes, and he's pissed off all the time. He's like, my fucking hair's in my face. So she calls up a barbershop and goes, hey, you cut little boy's hair and the guy was like yeah absolutely i can do that come on in so she makes an appointment she shows up at the barber shop and uh you know walks in and it is just two rows of black barbers cutting black dude's hair. It was just the blackest barbershop of all time. Slam-packed last chair at the end of the row. Doesn't have a customer in it.

And it's the guy that she talked to on the phone. He's like, come on, sit down. And my mom's like, oh, my God. I can't leave now. Yeah, she like sets him down. She had an appointment. She had an appointment. And she sits him down. And the guy's like, how do you want his haircut?

And she's like, like a fucking white kid haircut. I don't know. Like just a normal. That's what his hair looked like, but longer. Like in the front. Because he's a blonde kid. And she was just like, just like a fucking regular white kid haircut. And so the guy's like, all right, how about this?

Come over here. We got all these pictures up of haircuts. And you tell me which one you like. And she's like, she said she was standing there. There's 50 fucking haircuts on the wall. Every single one of them was a black guy. Like there was not a single picture of a white haircut on the wall. All right.

Well, I guess just square them up. haircut on the wall all right well i guess just square them up she ended up being able to figure out her um her phone right to like she's an old lady she's like figuring out google she's like white person haircut she google images that and she's like here you go there's like what uh the white's like and the guy's like okay basically she shows them like everybody here's haircut like we all have the same fucking hair just white man you know we always make fun of them saying they look alike but like white people we are basically all the same guy except for taylor's head's all misshapen and huge but uh no you're right just just do the hair where you can push it over to the side boom yeah yeah boom

white people hair so uh the guy goes absolutely i understand exactly what you're talking about he fucking ignored what she asked he gave him a lineup he got lined up did the razor lineup he had the fucking the corner thing, just like that picture you put up saying it was just a perfect corner. He had the lineup job and he looked fucking great. I was like, that is the funniest in the world to see a two year old kid with a lineup. And then apparently the in-laws or the ex-wife and her mother cried when they saw it. That's me lined up. Oh, you got lined up? Hell yes.

Woody had it in his head that the best barbers were black barbers. They are. It's a totally different because cutting white people's hair does not require science. It doesn't require precision. On Reddit, they would always judge the fade, right? And these guys would get the fade with such it does not require science it doesn't require precision on reddit they would always like judge the fade right and these guys would get the fade with such precision and and having it so i was

like man these guys are doing a haircut at an artist level yeah so i was like i want to go and and also i had seen enough movies and such where like the the environment of the black barber shop shooting the shit about college basketball was the thing that I wanted to participate in. It's not going to happen, but carry on. No, I was not invited into the conversations, and they cut my hair like a black person, and it didn't work out at all. I was going to.

Let me ask you this. What is the striking thing about a black barbershop? Very quiet in there. I mean, it was cool. It was not at all the movie. No one was saying a word. It was very solemn. It was solemn.

It was like barbershop. It's kind of like church. Just the most narc-looking person comes in. Hi, friends. Could you line up my hair? You dress like an off-duty police officer. You have cargo pants and shit. He carries tools.

It doesn't help that they also witness you patrolling the skies at a very low altitude on your time off. The thought of you driving to get your haircut and thinking, I can't wait for the conversation and then getting there and it's just ice out. It's so funny to me. Have you been watching the Pistons? And they're like, no. Yeah. Oh, man. And the worst part about it is somehow this is getting left off.

He took his son with him, right? Because it's father-son haircut day. And after they jack Woody all up, Woody's like, all right, son, your turn. And they both go home with these matching haircuts. Yeah, that's awesome.

I can't believe they didn't give you the conversation, though. That's pretty fucked up. I didn't get it. They iced me out. Although, hey, black barbers have competition with Turkish barbers. Thosekish motherfuckers they got a lot of hair and it's always real coarse and shit and they do like they they do the fade that goes into the beard

and nobody grows a beard like a turkish dude these things are like like a perfect cone yeah and uh yeah they they're able to do all sorts of shit with their uh with their barber work i just go to i think turkish barbers are better let's start a race war on that that white people aren't involved in let's pit them against each other pick your side you know i never see like a japanese barber but i bet they'd use like wooden scissors or something dude japanese gets way too much fucking hype all right their shit isn't that fucking good a fork is way better than chopsticks fuck you you screws in your wood shit like no like just because it's old doesn't mean it's better i don't want you that is true with like an old piece of bamboo that's sharpened on one side. I feel like we will give them

props and be like, man, what an awesome temple. What a cool bit of culture. And then they'll give us props for stuff sometimes, but then we will take the chopsticks as part of the like, okay, we'll have chopsticks. They suck, but they

will not convert to forks. They've been defeated on the utensil question for decades, and they still foolishly, hard-headedly hold onto these sticks, which is objectively a worse way to consume rice or anything. I would love to go to a steak restaurant and look over and just see a very confused Japanese man just looking at a big ribeye like, fuck.

I think they used forks and knives though I will not disgrace my ancestors hey when does this show come out Saturday morning oh my god I don't have a lot of time but I'm still gonna say it because I think it's a fantastic video idea

and if anybody's listening to this it's in the works alright so you can't fucking take it okay but um you know weigu beef like japanese cows where they like massage them or whatever and treat them like princesses and then fucking kill them and chop them up they say it's the most expensive beef on the planet or whatever a little like deck of cards sized piece of meat is really expensive i found you can't actually get Japanese Weigu because they control it. Only X amount of it is able to be exported per year and they only produce so much of it.

I don't even think any of it can be exported. I think it's all just in Japan and only so much can be made. But there's like American Weigu, which is they have like the same system and it's from the same stock of cow. So it's like unofficial. It's unofficial. Same shit. It's still super expensive. I found a website where I can get one of their steaks shipped to me.

And I thought, how? And people treat this shit like it's the Holy Grail, right? I don't give a fuck. I'll eat whatever. I'll eat out of the garbage. I don't care. So I'm going to get this thing. I thought, how funny would it be to make a hamburger helper with it and I'm gonna make some fucking beef stroganoff baby like I'm in the trailer park

out of Wagyu beef it's gonna be so disrespectful I'm like there's no way like that's so that would be great you know what like uh spaghetti and meatballs with just regular ragu yeah just like the worst like just great value not even ragu just the great you already ordered this cake i haven't ordered it yet but if you do it's a great video idea do that if you do it at least get a fatty cut so it won't taste like shit like it might like if you grind up like filet it's gonna like fall apart i don't determine what kind of fat content i want it's the way goo it's like the quality of the meat it tells me the fat content that it has exactly i'm not gonna argue with you good luck to you sir yeah i don't i have no idea i'm just ordering from they could just take my 275 dollars it takes to buy a steak an eight ounce steak and um and then never give me a steak and i'll know no

better it seems like a scam like who the fuck orders an expensive piece of meat through the internet that's why people looking to make videos about it apparently i guess yeah like i ordered i i was trying to get sponsored by those hello fresh people and uh i still thought it was like some sort of wizardry i was like you're sending me like raw food in the mail and it showed up and i was like this is fucking weird it just feels weird getting meat and like produce delivered to your house and you open it up and just eat it out of the box i mean you're supposed to cook it or whatever but you know i break the rules every time so you just eat the raw meat and you just empty the seasoning packets. I let my tummy do the assembling. I just eat all the raw ingredients.

You know what you should do with the Wagyu? Do a cooking video, but burn the shit out of it. Like inedible. I'm not even going to make perfect beef stroganoff. It's going to be all fucked up it's gonna be like a bad batch it's not gonna be good or dog food oh no that's another one I'm ordering two now I'm gonna do one with the beef stroganoff I'm gonna do another one where I'm like this is how you prepare it and I'm just gonna fucking like a three-year-old steak like I'm gonna well

done that thing seven minutes on each side with some ketchup. Big side of ketchup. I'd be like, oh, yeah, that's a good steak right there. This thing's a little like a hockey puck. The side of crinkle cut orida. Yep. Those are burned. No, those are undercooked. Those are completely flaccid. Those are wet and undercooked.

Unsalted, undercooked oridas. And then my $275 steak that used to be this big is now shrunk down to a puck. And you're dipping it in ketchup water. Yep. That is a good idea. A watered down Sprite, yeah. Yeah, we can wrap, Woody. Damn, dude, you guys hit the four hour mark and you're like, let's get the fuck out of here.

I haven't had anything to talk about for an hour. You're like, I've got's get the fuck out of here i haven't had anything to talk about so everyone check out all of our sponsors and also the forehead fables podcast check that out yeah check that out sam's a very funny guy spotify check him out i don't want more youtube viewers those people suck i want spotify people yeah dude on spotify you bitches all right aka 592 sorry