Painkiller Already - PKA 594 W/ F1nn5ter: How to get away with Murder, Women’s Rights, Kyles Bike Shorts

Episode Date: May 7, 2022

pka 594 with our guest finster taylor this episode of pka brought to you by blue chew lucy and lock and load the finest cum pills in existence finn you're looking smashing today i appreciate all the effort thank you yeah i the last time i was on i was like writing notes down talk about but you just wanted to look at my tits so like i made them better that's all i worked on this time hey you look great very high effort i saw i was just scrolling through your your twitter seeing what you were up to and you're very jokey did someone actually buy a body pillow of you for 3400 i'm so glad you saw that yeah because that's quite a haul dude

that'll buy a lot of fake titty cutlets and shit you said you wouldn't tell you know body pillows can come with those like the same things I'm wearing you can buy a body pillow that has these and I didn't know that until after it sold but now it it's a creepy little industry

but I auctioned this body pillow i thought it was good like one of one i took this photo in like a latex dress with it and everything and it was up on like an auction on live stream and someone bid three and a half grand for it a body pillow of me that's insane did you did you have any any conversation with that undoubtedly gentleman no i still haven't talked to him the we were like checking to make sure it's real and then i'm gonna have a talk to him but apparently he's like a regular normal dude like he's not yeah no one buys 3500 pillows is normal jpeg over here well now that you know you can put like fake titties on them 3500 is pretty low

like next is going to be a 5 grand pillow for sure it should come with like you could I don't know spit on it or something oh yeah the conversation we had a conversation about trying to make it stainless for you know why?

it beads right off hydrophobic yeah that's a great little little career move now you're in the again a completely untapped market we're in the jizz biz here we we will cast no aspersions about your kink pillows oh no we're living in a glass house we have made the silliest product on earth so anytime someone makes like before we made this product we could be like look at that person selling gamer pee now we're like you know you gotta you gotta grind that lady drinks a gallon of water a day guaranteed it's part of her income whatever you know uh there's a big streamer called Amaranth who started selling her farts in like a jar.

Really? That really works. That seems like it'd be easy to cheat. Unless there's like a verification video with like a QR code that shows her farting into a numbered canister. I wouldn't trust it. I'm just an informed consumer, though. How funny would it be if it came out that it was just a guy that she hired

just farting into jobs? Why would she hire anyone? She just drives to Home Depot every morning and is like, I got a job for all of you guys. Just sell everyone lavender or something. Yeah, that's what they smell like. Yeah. There's no way there's anyone farting in those.

I will say this about Amaranth. Every time I go on to uh what is it called um uh influencers gone wild um or whatever it is we're like you know everybody's only fans content is there for free um she is right at the front page of that thing with like multiple fake dicks and like a real high-end setup that she's got there for for her like fantasy uh league that she that she's got there for her fantasy league that she runs. I'm sure. I've never heard of Amaranth, but I did a Google image search on her. Not bad.

She's fed together, huh? She is huge on Twitch, I think. Like millions of followers. I think you really want to look over it on OnlyFans. I don't know. Does that show how many followers you have? Is that public?

It depends. She's tweeted how much she makes, though. I don't know how many followers are on it, but she makes 1.4 million. I'm sure you could divide or something by the price of it. She makes 1.4 million a month. A month? A month.

Do you have an OnlyFans? Oh, it's my exit strategy, dude. Don't blow your wad. Do you sell underwear just asking for a friend? No, not yet. But, you know, I'm sure someone would want that. It's got to be the least attractive version of it. There's been balls in it.

Oh, there have to be some of our viewers who don't know you already. Oh, yeah. Hold on. I give my backstory. I figured it out. Look at this. Basically, three years. You know how you play those games where you're like, oh, for a million dollars, would you suck a dick?

Well, someone three years ago offered me 10 grand a month if I dressed up as a girl for the for for the next few years and then i just took it that's how i started 10 grand a month every month are you do you not get that that was a joke i thought i was i was picturing some saudi prince who got you started in this like and then you're like oh man it's not just the saudi prince who's interested it's taylor you're not alone on this island i bought every word oh yeah oh oh okay well shit sorry i'm just through it immediately retard mode tonight sorry my transmission has one speed taylor just because there's one guy just because there's the one guy who'll buy the 3500 body pillow i'm not sure there's saudi princes that are looking to sissy five birmingham

boys out there for 10k a month i think they could do it way cheaper frankly you think so okay you're right yeah that would have been a high bid because he would because that guy would undoubtedly want a harem of of like attractive young lads dressing up. That one guy paying everyone to do all these crazy acts for millions of dollars. What a hilarious guy to be. Be a billionaire and just see that titty streamers are upsetting people and so you

single-handedly fund it as a movement. There's got to be an investment to be made there. Look how mad these incels are. 10 grand to these titty girls. I just bought 10% of Twitch and put them on the homepage. A funny backstory would be I was kind of a men's rights advocate

and I was convinced that men could do everything better than women. Including this. Including being a titty streamer. I mean, so far, so good. Finn crushes a lot of the titty streamer oh i mean so far so good right like like like fin crushes a lot of the titty streamers like i always say if you want to like feel like happy about you had a bad day maybe you know things didn't go my way today hop on over to the asmr section of twitch find that girl who has three viewers and you'll feel so much better because she's licking ears in front of three

people and two of them are her family yeah and it's like one other person the other one's you this is easy math so i barely have any competition unless she's from alabama oh yeah yeah that's true that is depressing i've never gone to the asmr section of, but I imagine seeing someone lick ears for two people, like probably getting bullied. What a sad thing to do. Yeah, kind of everyone would take Amaranth's job. You're a million a month, you lick a few ears on camera, but the process to getting the whole...

She's good at it too. She can lick the fuck out of an ear. Can't stick around. They'll play her like replays. Like she won't even be live and she'll be like the most viewed asmr girl she's just playing a recording of her licking some ears yesterday people rewatch ear licking yeah yeah it's wild some people she she um every time i see her she's dressed up as black widow

from um uh avengers and uh she pulls that look off pretty well pretty convincingly my favorite clip of her though is um she was like live streaming from like maybe vidcon or some kind of some kind of a thing and dressed as again black widow and like a fan tried to high five her and she was just not it was it was a really nice cringe moment it was great well i mean imagine some of the creeps who have gone in for a high five with her. Oh, I wouldn't want to. Yeah. If I'm her, I don't want to touch fans. Have you ever seen this?

This is like an old meme from like probably 15 years ago. But that like Hardee's Lakers competition where like if you bought a right burger from Hardee's, you could win a chance to like see the Lakers girls. And every single winner is exactly what you think they would look like like morbidly obese didn't change t-shirts since they went to Hardee's three weeks ago and won the competition and now they're there and like you could there's like an old meme of it had it like a descending order where the first one you're like that's a normal looking guy like the girls are on either side standing there the next one like oh a bit of a ghoul oh my god that guy's four foot eight and bald and then by the end you get to it and the women are visibly grimacing like doing hover hands over a man who

like is actively trying to grope them like it is it is a funny funny thing but there were also a couple sad ones in there as it goes did she said that that amaranth she's a cause but you know you were talking about the cringe moment she's in a bunch of those like famous twitch cringe moments that you wouldn't even expect it to her because she looks so different like she remember that one girl the way oh god oh man i like exactly one of the photos i was thinking of. Quick on the draw, Zach. Thank you. The Lakers girls' lunch date.

Those pain smiles. You can smell that room. I like this guy. That's the biggest short-sleeved shirt I've ever seen. You're right. Oh my gosh, you're right. Short-sleeved shirt in existence. This was made to fit an ogre. He pulled that off his neighbor's Camaro on the way here.

Jesus. Yeah. Do you remember that? Do you remember from a while ago there was that one, there was that girl who went to a gym and she got kicked out and she immediately complained that it was because she was white? No, that's pretty funny though that's amaranth she's done so much shit that i keep god every time i say a clip of it oh is it not a joke friends with her do you know her she follows me on twitter but it

we're not you know twitter or anything i feel like you're in the community of like hot chicks on twitch and only fans and stuff i'm trying to weasel my way in there, yeah. It's a big industry. What if that was Finn's goal the whole time? Just weasel his way in there and fuck all the cam girls? Oh my god. He's halfway finished. We're going to have to remove this bit from the show.

You're blowing the whole screen here. It's going to have to be edited out. You're like the one guy who snuck into the whole thing. It's going to have to be edited out. You're like the one guy who snuck into the sleepover. I thought on my video notes my video notes for so long have been like, do one of those

sneak into girls. Have you ever seen those dudes that go to college parties or something? That shit's so funny. It's just as soon as my opportunity presents itself I'll take it oh my god

what were we talking about before here's what I would donate a lot of money for you to do nothing creepy, what I would want you to do is go get your driver's license renewed in girl mode and then come to my house and then just head right on over Go get your driver's license renewed in Girl ideas my terrible chat no because like on uh impractical jokers they did that to they do that

sometimes they'll like shave every hair on their head and then all right now go get your passport done i had the opposite of that i went through because these these eyelashes are like um like they're on if i take all the makeup off these stay on for like three weeks like they're eyelash extensions and then uh i've had to do a bit of traveling before so i keep going to like the borders and showing my passport where i just like short hair like i'm just standing like trying to look as tough as i can yeah and then i come up like long hair the eyelashes and everything and the it takes me a while to get through passport control usually yeah what a pain in the ass yeah i keep forgetting that's your that's your hair it's so easy to forgetting that's your hair. It's so easy to forget.

That's the biggest commitment. You just man bun it, right? Like throw it in a man bun. Fake mustache. So many of these. I could stop going everywhere in a fake mustache. You go there with a fake man voice.

Hello. You're just making it harder on yourself. Inexplicably. This is an outrage. Or a terrible terrible french accent you're clearly faking still standing on someone's shoulders in a trench coat yeah i don't know people they're probably looking for some like european spies trying to slip through the the the interways these days right in the UK. Russian agents abound. Yeah, in the UK. Sure, why not? We're kind of safe. Nothing here. No. Not in any conflicts yet.

Yeah. They're on their own island. They're chilling, doing their own thing. We're a peaceful lot besides the rest, you know, history. Oh, I'm glad. For the past hundred years, pretty peaceful. Well, we wanted to have you on because, you know, it's a big day in the

news with women's issues, and we thought we shouldn't be three guys sitting here talking about Roe v. Wade without a lady present. The closest you can get. The closest we could get. We want an actual lady.

We don't have a very deep bench. I mean, we're putting on a fucking show here. We couldn't just like... You know what I mean. And we're obviously, the three of us, fundamentalist Christians, so you know where we come down on this. That's right. Woody got that from his parents. I just pretend to take choice from women. Taylor, you may be the most read as it pertains to the Bible and maybe in general of us all here.

I heard a little thing yesterday on the Internet. They said that the only mention of abortion in the Bible was essentially an instruction manual on how to perform one. Is that accurate? I've never heard of that before i mean that one of the there's multiple verses about it but most of them like abortion wasn't a thing then like it wasn't an understood thing and so it's like i mean there were ways that you could i'm sure like stick a stick up there something horrific they would drink like uh stuff as well or poison something like that but like the the the verses they lean on heavily the the biggest one i remember from growing up in religious school and church was like the before i formed you in the womb i knew you that's a verse talking about where christians

will say their argument is like well you are a fully formed soul the lord knows who you are from the moment of conception and so you are a human you're a unique human and i knew you in the womb and so like that's that's what i always heard growing up probably a couple other ones what's a bible era abortion look like what the fuck do they do some i think you're probably drinking some herbs and uh bark that's been you know mixed together by some shaman lady or something and it's triggering... I mean, that's how so many morning... I bet there's something like that. Really? You think they invented the Plan B pill

back then? I bet it was food, but I bet they had something... I'll bet so much money. Because I mean, most of our money... Which is $5. I feel like $5 it is. See, I just guaranteed that like... I mean, aspirin comes from the bark of a tree and

they had that shit in the Middle Ages. So like, I'm sure that like half the population had this issue occasionally where they're going to have a baby and maybe they don't want to. I'm sure they figured out what to do about that. And it was probably some sort of concoction. They mix some roots and flowers or something like some sort of natural cocktail. They mixed up and drink. Well, it's like how they figured out a lot of prescription and like pharmacological drugs now

is back in the day. They're like, oh, they take this leaf, they pound it into mortar and pestle and then they eat the dust and it makes their nausea go away. So they're like, oh, well, let's research. Oh, there's something in this that actually helps with that. Let's isolate that. Like that's how so many medicines came about. Yeah, they may not know exactly what's happening on a fucking biochemical level, but they know it works. Yeah, just like they knew that lead plates, pewter plates made your tomatoes taste a little better. Oh, so much better. But it was just the acidic of the tomatoes leaching bits of lead, which tastes sweet, and it makes you retarded over time.

Yeah, yeah. But in small doses, it makes for a hell of a meal. In small doses, it just makes you... Like salt! You treat lead like salt. Just a little bit of lead. And just a bit of lead on the top. You just know the guy that figured out, like, lead, and, like,

making pewter plates, he's like, I'm helping so much. Like, I'm really helping out. This is a plentiful material um plates for all not no longer plates just for the rich now we can all go insane eating our berries when we turn 65 i saw some interesting stuff with the roe v way thing but just to be clear i think we're all like pro-abortion uh however you want whatever tagline you want to throw on and i think we're for the woman's right to choose at the very least at some

point, like, like, like I don't know about, like, like I think we're all probably against those like scary partial birth abortions that Sean Hannity tells you about. But, um, I don't, I don't think they've done those for, for a little while, uh, regularly at least. And, uh, and, uh, this thing seems pretty scary for a lot of people. I don't, a couple of things that I saw though were interesting. So I remember when Ivermectin, people. A couple things that I saw, though, were interesting. So I remember when ivermectin was this idea that, oh, the dummies on the right think ivermectin will cure their COVID.

And they're taking horse medicine. Can you believe those hicks? And then, like, big tweet came out yesterday and kept getting like like spread around it's like just so you all know um this horse medicine that's for ulcers seems to cause miscarriages in women weird and it's so easy to get your hands on and it was just like you guys just you just did the same thing except yours works like it's still horse medicine You guys are taking horse medicine now? Dude, everyone's taking horse medicine now. Yeah, I hope everybody... Yeah, I mean... We just have dog medicine around the house already.

They're human-sized dogs. Judge me if you will. That's fair. I gave my dog some ivermectin today. Some heart guard. That's a Seinfeld episode. You take the dog to the vet and tell him it has the symptoms that you have.

Yeah. This dog is depressed and suicidal. He's kind of lost his purpose in life. He's having dark thoughts at night. Teddy is thinking about killing himself. He has trouble sleeping. I think Xanax might help him. about killing himself. He has trouble sleeping. Now he's sad. I think Xanax might help him

kill his drug-seeking behavior at the vet. I bet they'll hook you right up at the vet. Maybe that's that little known thing that the vet will just hook you up. He knows his business. I haven't considered that.

I bet the vet can prescribe more than doctors can. Maybe? The amounts, right? All right, so you got a thousand pound heifer that's depressed, huh? Get a wheelbarrow for the biggest wellbutrin on Earth. He hands you a pill that's like a fucking hockey puck and tells you to take a chip off every day. I hadn't considered.

hockey puck and tells you to take a chip off every day i hadn't like and and like i mean there are probably tranquilizers and stuff that you don't prescribe to people yeah but they have access to it my only um um experience with that is when we needed to tranquilize like a a wild bull that had gone crazy and couldn't be dealt with it was like a thousand pound animal and uh we just went in and told him what it we thought it weighed. And he filled a syringe with stuff, put a cap on it and handed it to us. And then we went back home and he loaded into the dart gun and darted the bull.

It's a bull. He's not going to go to jail. Like just kind of eyeballing. What is it made out of? Like the tranquilizer. Is it the same stuff like, you know, the ketamine? What do they use?

Same stuff that we have fun with, you know? I wouldn't be surprised. I know the bull bull like it's not like james bond right so like he just kind of stood at first he got shot in the ass with a dart and he was like the fuck was that you think that hurt me bitch i'm gonna fuck those other horses up to he'd already gored like two horses and fucked up some dogs it was a bad motherfucker they'd say we sent cowboys in after him and it fucked up the cowboys. What? Like real cowboys when you go to the sale barn where they sell cattle, there'll be posters like,

Trouble Cow, call in the cowboys. And two legit cowboys with horses. Not legit enough. Not legit enough. They got fucked up. But we darted it. How did they get fucked up? Were they on horses? I'm picturing them on horses. They got fucked up. They got fucked up. But we darted it. How did they get fucked up? Did they like, were they on horses? I'm picturing them on horses.

They were on horses with dogs. And the bull went into the woods to hide. They went in after it. And in the thicker stuff, the bull was able to fight. So he was able to gore the horses and get in close against them. See, that seems like a stupid move. They shouldn't have gone in there after. But they couldn't get him out.

The dogs had been in there fighting him for like five, ten minutes, and he was fighting the dogs effectively, like three of them. His ears were kind of torn to ribbons, but the dogs were not having a good time either. Yeah. It was a wild day. All those dogs would have probably died, right? No.

I mean, they ended up living. Nothing died, but the horse got gored, and we ended up – they left. They were like, we're done. I think my dad gave them $300, $400 or something. What they had... What, for their wounds? They didn't do their job.

The horse was fucked up. But he's got vet bills now. But anyway, we darted the thing. Dude, if I call an exterminator, and he goes into my basement, and he comes out covered in bug bites and a snake... It's awful down there! Why didn't you warn me? I wasn't joking about it.

We have a Wolverine infestation. There's a bunch of them. Didn't you say you've never seen Arachnophobia? The movie? No, I've never seen it. Yeah, there's a great scene in that toward the end where, who's the big actor? Dan Akram. No from no no no from from from um roseanne who played dan um oh john goodman john goodman john goodman's this exterminator

who comes in at the end to deal with the killer spiders and he like sprays him with his poison and the spider acts like it just took a bath and runs away and he's like we're gonna have step things up a notch and he's got like goggles and acid and stuff by the end it's great it's a horror comedy it's good watch that i love john goodman i wish he would do more stuff but he probably can't because he's so fat he lost all that weight what are you talking about oh that's wonderful news maybe slender man wait you haven't seen john goodman lately he's he i always think of him like jonah hill where like if i see him thin i assume it was a you a flash in the pan instance, and then he's back to being fat for his next role.

Because I think for Jonah Hill, it seems like he's better for a lot of the roles he gets pulled into. Oh, man, he's melting. That's right. I think he had a heart issue or something. I heard him talk on Stern about it, like what triggered the weight loss, and I think it was health-related. But, yeah, for years now, he's been trending down.

I wonder if he had skin removal surgery. Not in his neck. Certainly not in his neck. It doesn't look like he's had a facial. When I see heavy guys, they're like, then I need that skin removal surgery. That sounds terrible. No, bro. That's the prize.

If you work hard, you reward yourself with that skin removal surgery. That sounds terrible. No, bro. That's the prize. That's the prize. If you work hard, you reward yourself with that skin removal surgery. You'll be tight. I'm looking at like reupholstering like some gym equipment, maybe putting some like and I'm thinking about using women's skin. I'm just saying, I mean, vinyl is fairly cheap. Leather is more on the more expensive side. Nobody should do cloth. But what about human skin that's been nipped off at the fat people place? That would work. There's like a nipple on your incline bench.

You should get a tattoo. I want two. A man's nipple. You need to get like a tramp stamp. Can I get like a speed bag that's an old titty? stamp. Can I get like a speed bag that's an old titty? Man, this is a real like Silence

of the Lambs-y gym. You're gonna... It puts the lotion on its skin. Or it turns into a bent-over-row machine for me. It'll be a heavy bag. I wonder what human skin would be like if you tanned it out. I bet it would be machine for me. It'll be a heavy bag. Yeah. I wonder what human skin would be like if you tanned it out.

I bet it would be shitty. It doesn't seem like it'd be hardy enough like a cow's leather. Human leather, it probably sucks. It's like a jockey. I think in the tanning process, it becomes more hardy because I've killed a deer with a knife and it's like,

their skin's like ours. It's nothing. a knife and it's like i mean they're really their skin's like ours like it's it's nothing it's like it's not there oh that could be i've had deer skin gloves and they're pretty dirt like they're real leather yeah and i've had like i've seen like deer blankets and stuff like it turns into that too i think the tanning process makes it hardier okay if i were to have human gloves i would want albino gloves like michael jackson gloves oh no i want him with the disease he had so they're a little speckled. Vitiligo, I think. I like that. Like a patterned glove.

Okay, I didn't know he had that. I thought that he got skin bleaching. It's my impression he had Vitiligo, which is why he got skin bleaching, so that he wouldn't be patterned, he'd be matching. I like that. I like that idea. It's one I subscribe to as well.

So people don't know what... Zach, can you find a picture of vitiligo so people have some idea what this looks like one thing that when you have vitiligo what makes it um sort of like rub whiter is rubbing it so a lot of people where it might naturally happen in like the oops you can't see yeah in the crook of your elbow or whatever yeah that's vitiligo yeah your hands and you can see like maybe the back of his wrist or something a spot that doesn't get rubbed very much is not impacted at all but his palms his grip the things that he uses it gets it kind of gets rubbed off anyway there was an mma fighter that turned white his whole body was getting rubbed from Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fighting. There's almost none of his original skin coloring left.

I wonder if there are varied feelings about that because I would love to talk to the guy who's like, what are you talking about? I've always been like this. I don't know, Mr. Rector. I bet that guy's got to exist. The guy who's just embraced it and become transracial.

I think he is the guy. And I think he just became a white person. That used to be a black man? This isn't his final form. No, looks like an Asian guy. I think he's Mexican or something. Oh, Asian, Zach says. Alright. He turned from an Asian man to a white man.

I went from the Mohawk. He looks like he knows how to drift street cars. Oh, okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. Speaking of the skin changing things, remember a couple years ago the Sammy Sosa pictures? Oh, yeah. What happened to Sammy?

If you can find a good one, Zach, of Sammy Sosa, he's turning... His skin is so much lighter, but it's almost turning pinkish, purplish hue over time. It's bizarre. He's changing species. Clearly, he's having something done here. I'll put a link in there. There's a bunch of progressive pictures here.

I think he's doing what... Yeah, that's a good one. He looks like he's had a facelift. His eyes tilt up. I feel like is it just his body fat changing or has he had plastic surgery done? His forehead with zero wrinkles while he's doing a little smile. Yeah, he's probably had

some stuff done. But like, look at his skin difference. It's pinkish. Maybe that's the red hat pulling it out, making it look more pinker. It looks like makeup a little bit. You can see like, it looks like makeup. You can see like, here's why you spot it. You know, right on the underneath of his like, it looks like makeup. You can see, like, here's why you spot it. You know, like, right on the

underneath of his eye, it gets, like, more red. Like, he just might be wearing, like, really weird foundation or something. Like, for cameras. I hate it. I don't want to look at it anymore. I want to remember him like he was on the left, losing battles to the preeminent Mark McGuire in the late 90s.

Both those cheaters. I mean, does baseball have non-cheaters? Hank Aaron. Is he dead? No. He's here in Atlanta and he's angry. No, he's dead.

I didn't know he died last year. Oh, no. Well, he's an Atlanta hero, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. But before your time, so it wouldn't really matter. A little bit.

I would absolutely cheat if I was a professional baseball player and I could get away with it 100%. I feel like cheating is part of baseball in the same way that fighting is part of hockey like you're almost supposed to molest the ball a little bit if you're a pitcher like if you like you scruff it up you dirty a little bit you see what you can get away with they all do it and the penalties are light if you're a hitter you know you have pine tar or whatever lathered across your bat it's i don't know it's cheating is is a it's a gray area in baseball which is did you guys cheat in school yes yeah

universally yeah yeah with mixed results yeah you ever got caught i cheated my way into a bad grade. Well, I have a caught story. I was in college. I was going to night school, and I was studying Russian history. And I missed the test. It wasn't my fault. I had this long commute from work just to night school. And if there was any kind of weather at all, my two-hour drive would become like five. And I just couldn't make it in time.

All right, so I'm taking the test the following week. He takes me and puts me in this like little supply closet with a desk and i'm taking the test there all by myself with my backpack and everything like you wouldn't leave all your possessions in the classroom unattended so i i brought it of course it has like the things i need like a pencil or whatever and i realized i had my book there with the answers in it and this is not an open book test at all so i put the book on my lap under under the desk and i'm just straight up like taking the test there's no one i'm by myself in this closet been there badly have you so then without knocking the professor opens the door and walks in on me i do this thing where like with my knees i push the book to the bottom of the desk and he knew i knew he knew and he knew i knew

that he knew all of that went down and i think he was like this is russian history a carry-on what a cool teacher he just didn't ruin my life which was kind of him that's nice yeah dude in high school i had like an arrangement with the guy in math class because i didn't want to do my math homework i was very bored by it it's like sophomore year and i don't remember what the other class was maybe like physics or something that i didn't mind and he was in that with me and we sat next to each other in both. And in the math class, the way the teacher would get homework every day because there was daily homework, he would start coming down the aisles, going up and down, up and down. And we were both in the back.

And so when he came down to check the paper of my friend, all he did was take a look and then like be like okay writing his book like so and so did it and then as soon as he goes to the next person his backs turned me and him switch homeworks and then he checks the same homework again i get my credit and we did the exact same thing in that science class so and it was like not hard homework we were even avoiding it was like maybe 20 minute assignments but it was just a a thing of like oh like if we could just do this for no time absolutely we're doing that what i remember i i in italian class in college i wrote down a bunch of like all the conjugations for the first test for all the language stuff because i fucking hated it and i didn't want to learn it and i remember like test one i'm like the sneakiest of sneaky like i'm barely i have

my test down because it's like a pamphlet style test like eight pages or whatever i just have my my little card stuck under there like every page pulled out look by the end of that class i'm like that book on the table like looking at the card like trying trying to figure it out but she liked me she she probably knew the the difference in scores which were not good scores mind you but like the speaking tests we did i was like flirting with apps every time because my knowledge was so low and the written tests which is the same fucking language she'd be like oh well you got a B-. That's literally inexplicable.

That doesn't make any sense. That class sucked. I don't think I ever cheated in a class that was actually an important one. I went so far as to go into the teacher's grade book and change the grades of previous tests that had been taken. You don't need to cheat on the test if you

can go straight to where the records are kept, right brain cheating it's like war game shit you want your mission impossible fucking small brain handwriting though okay um she did this shit in pencil which i thought was odd it's like it literally allows you to change things and that's what that if it been pin i've been like nothing to be done here. But it was pencil. So like, but trying to carefully erase these tiny little squares and then like get the new grade in without it being like, what the fuck happened here was clearly beyond me. And, but I was smart.

I didn't just change my grades. I gave myself like, maybe I'd made like a 73 on a test. Let's make that an 83 on like three or four important tests. I did the same thing to like four other kids. Gave them boosts? Yeah. Yeah. So she came to me and she's like, I know it was you.

She's like, it's just lies. I still remember lies on top of lies on top of lies. I sat there and I went, I have no idea what you're talking about. It appears that I've been the victim as have been many others here. I just wonder

why the grade book wasn't secured. If only I put a padlock on that thing. My mom was like, was it you and i was like of course it was me well you could level with your mom my mom would have beat you i guess i have a surprise for you check your grade book my mom's like she knew it was you but she couldn't do anything i was like i know that was the best part that's hilarious she hated me she hated me after that that was math obviously if it weren't um obvious i guess i think it was um that was like eighth grade math so that was

like algebra or something algebra one maybe something like that you got away with cheating in an important class. I don't really get away with it. I mean, I'm pretty sure she managed to get all the grades. You got off on a technicality. See, see, I don't know what she did with the grades because she would have had no way

of, maybe she could go back and find the test somewhere kept and like get the scores correct. But that seems like way too much busy work for her to actually do. So I have no idea how she graded us all. If she doesn't know what our true test scores were on like three or four tests. I have no idea.

Like if you erase a five and put a seven in there, you can kind of make it out maybe. Yeah. And I don't remember exactly how I changed it, but I definitely was like boosting several of us up. Like not the hundreds. I'm not insane, but,

but you know, like, like making bad grades into good grades. For instance, did you ever see in school? Yeah. For instance, have you ever seen school? Yeah. I mean, I had the, the most boring cheating story because there was again, like a language class and they just, you had to, it was like a, uh, recognize or like a memory test.

So you wrote down a big thing in French and then the T you give it to your teacher and they, and you just read it back from memory, but they just, it's French. So it's bullshit. So he just slid the paper. I was having trouble. So he just turned it around. He was having trouble so he just turned it around he was like you know this you know the answer to this they just let us cheap so my french scores went like in that test i got like you know we did a few of those so like three a's and then the test where we all have to sit in a hall writing down all the notes was like d's so i averaged a c so solid it was solid. That guy was cool. He hooked you up.

Great. We had like five different French teachers. They kept quitting in like dramatic ways too. We made a lot of teachers cry. Not me. I'm a very nice person. But, you know, I went to a terrible school. What were some of the crying teachers started by? Oh, we had a home.

We had like a, you call it a home ec. It's the cooking teacher it's otherwise the bullshit subject but she was this like really i don't want to be mean but she was like this really old like the crepit shed like the if you were going to draw a cartoony character of like hag like one one front tooth that was really big but in yellow opposed to the other ones she had a mole yeah she had a stereotypical Brit she had a mole with a hair on it and shit and people were just bullier about it

oh I have to pluck that you have to pluck her hair let me get that for you are you plucking the hair or the tooth I'm getting the mole I'm getting the whole mole little nail clipper thing oh

I remember a keyboarding teacher like middle school they make you do it was like in middle school typing I guess yeah yeah in middle school it was like alright you're gonna learn how to type and everything and so they give you like those orange plastic pieces of rubber that you lay on top of your keyboard and then you tip tap away.

And it was fucking keyboarding. So it was easy. Pretty much everyone was like knew how to type. But this teacher was morbidly obese. And I took the class twice. And because it was just a class, they just put you back in sometimes. And she had the same bandaid on her face in the same area for years the same band-aid on her cheek on her face and there became like rumors about what that band-aid

was covering for this keyboard teacher and like you you could like you could talk to your friend in that class and be like hey what do you bet i can get her to come over to your desk? And it was like, you think you're going to get her to stand up? I'll take that bet for anything, dude. And then she'd just be like, Miss Smith, I don't know how to type. And she's like, you'll figure it out. She's sitting in her chair. She would not fucking get up from her chair. I think I saw her stand one or two times ever.

She was never at the assemblies where we'd have to sing about God and shit, not standing there. She lived and kind of rotted into that chair. And everyone taught themselves how to type by playing that fun game where a word shows up on an asteroid and you have to type the word real quick before it destroys your ship,

your alien ship. That's so fun. Yeah, it was a good game. I didn't get to play that game until high school. See, I learned in middle school too, and we had typewriters. We learned about typewriters. Yeah, yeah. But the game. I didn't get to play that game until high school. See, I learned in middle school, too, and we had typewriters. We learned how to typewriters. Yeah, yeah.

What the hell? But the thing about a typewriter is you can't cheat on that bitch. You either learn to type or you don't. You like, and you pull your piece of fucking paper out of that bitch when you're done and show it to somebody. And they're like, this is pathetic. Like, yeah, I don't know how to type. Typewriter? You look young for an 80-year i know right no they were uh they were mechanical typewriters too so like the whole

like pull it back no not even they had the the rods yeah like it did everything it's everything's mechanical it was fun but uh but no we uh that's how I learned to type. I did the opposite. When I was young, they didn't teach everyone how to type yet. That wasn't a common skill that every kid had. So I would write out my papers, and my father would have his secretary just like, what was two hours of typing for me was like 60 seconds for somebody qualified. And she would just light speed like transpose it

to typing and that's what i would hand in i remember that too like doing book reports in like grade school it wasn't writing about huck finn that stressed me out it was like oh this is four paragraphs oh i gotta type this tonight all right we gotta buckle down enter and then like every once in a while you accidentally hit the insert key and you don't know what that means now now now it's eating up when i hit a letter that went on the paper there was no room for error in this in my in my typing i specifically remember a time when I was in like fifth grade that neither my mom or my dad or me knew what the insert key was. And so I was just accidentally in the very beginning of my paper and I had to like look ahead and rewrite the whole thing because it was just inserting the the words and i was like asking my dad and mom like please what do i do i'm so close and they're like you're gonna have to retype it and i was i remember we i i knew a guy it wasn't me or anyone in my family but he didn't know like you know that

your cursor gets behind a letter and he didn't know how to delete it. He had to move the cursor forward and then delete it again. So he would just keep going until he ran into that letter. Then he'd go forward and use the letter that he had been pushing this whole time. Oh, come on. I need something with a K. Something with a K. Exactly. That was so funny. Yeah, I can remember that now now i haven't thought about that in years like

getting really stressed out about having to type stuff on the computer in grade school because it was just in an insurmountable task it felt like and you're 10 and so you can see the sunlight outside and hear the other kids in the neighborhood playing in the woods and stuff while you're in there how were you i loved it taylor did you get good grades in high school i suspect you did yeah yeah i got good grades in high school i got good grades throughout pretty much all of school super ranked in your school were you like top 10 percent or no i i basically i did like the opposite of what a bunch of kids did in that like a lot of kids tried to get as many aps they could their senior year as possible and i got up I pretty much had finished everything that was required by

junior year and so I made my senior year the easiest possible thing imaginable like multiple study halls multiple gyms I took the the advanced placement of like one or two no just one thing I think actually I think I took like ap history or english but yeah i did not give a fuck my senior year once i got to there and i saw like a lot of my compatriots it was a couple guys actually who i knew were really smart and were going to really good schools and like i was talking to them and they were like yeah i really don't give a shit i'm already into fucking yale like it doesn't matter whatever the school was i don't know if it's the same way in the uk but in america

i feel like your junior year is kind of when they decide which college you can get into your senior year barely counts yeah and once i was like i'm going to mizzou like i'm sorry versus 12th grade and we stop at 12 unless you go to college that's quite a while for okay fair enough yeah and if you're not going to like a really nice school like i went to a like a state school and here in missouri and so like once i realized like damn like there's no reason for me to like work really hard like i'm in public school though like it's the top public school here yeah yeah it's a good choice here and like i really realized like it seemed foolish to me to go out of state needlessly when i and i'm glad i was confirmed

on this because i talked to friends who like regret going out of state but i remember like junior year people being like yeah i'm gonna go to fucking boston college it's like why because i like boston it's like it's 42 000 a year yeah whatever wait a couple years that's that's all your living expenses to live in boston and it's like we went to boston and got a business degree we could have gone to mizzou and paid eight or paid 12 of that total cost and gotten the same fucking degree nobody's going like oh my god you want to work in the marketing division here at the solace corporation you got a business degree from boston well you have horrible ROI sense,

so you're not hired. With Hope, I like the plan I did with Hope. And in hindsight, I still like it. You guys can copy it if you want. I told her that I will pay. UNC is the top state school in North Carolina, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. I was like, I will pay that much,

that much for a UNC degree. You can go anywhere you want. You can go to community college for two years and bank it. You can go to whatever like the University of Boston and take on student debt, but I will pay the equivalent of a UNC education. She picked UNC.

I would have. Very smart from her. Taylor, would you have been like me, really leaning toward the community college thing and banking? No, no, I would have gone. No, no, no, stick with me here. He's going to trust you, so you don't even have to go at all. You can go get a job, and he's going to give you like $30,000 a year.

I'm just a drug dealer at the school making huge amounts of money. No, I like I know so many people like the smart move genuinely was community college for the first two years, then going to a traditional four year university. The people I know who did that, like they just they seem like more they got a they got a healthier relationship throughout college with like all the partying and everything. Then people who went to the four year experience did. that's interesting i'm actually really curious about that so i will line up that the financially smart move is to do that nobody knows or cares where you've got your first two years of college they want to know where your degree is from community college transferred into your favorite school like all that stuff is the same. It's where your degree is from. Cool. The only question mark I have is what if you're a guy

who's influenced by your peers? If you could land at whatever, like Mizzou or UNC or a place that has quality students, maybe you become a quality student. Whereas if you go to community college where half of those people aren't serious about school and don't even finish that,

young Woody might have fell in with that half. That's a good point. It could almost those people aren't serious about school and don't even finish that like young woody might have fell in with that half that's a good point and like it could almost be self-fulfilling because like the i like now that you say that like i think about people i know who did the community college route dropped out of community college never got a four-year degree not that that's the end of the world but i like you know a couple of them are successful on their own but the people i'm thinking of who went to community college and then did the two years of school and who are very successful now, it's like, yeah, they were going to be successful no matter what. Like it was because of their like foresight and intellect that they were like, oh, I can bank a huge amount of money and kind of get a head start on the rest of my peers and my age group. Oh, because these are the same guys now that I'm thinking about it who invested in homes way earlier than everything else. Like everyone else was still

wanting to live in the city and party in apartments and they're like buying reasonable homes for rental properties in the suburbs. So I think you're probably right. If you're if you're someone who wants to be a good student, you will be. I remember not that I was like a glowing student or whatever, but I have a pretty high level of just resting stress. And so like I couldn't enjoy stuff if i had like an assignment sitting over my head and i had a lot of friends a couple of which got kicked out of college never to return or get a degree who would be like i got a final tomorrow fuck that and it's like dude you are there's a letter of warning from the administrator of the college

right now on the coffee table here like like you you're going to i know someone who did that explicitly they just got drunk fucked around and they got kicked out of school i do too the best guy i knew at like barry sanders console game football didn't go to any classes no one could touch him at whatever it was sega but uh but he that's what he did instead of go to school. Did you guys ever have classes with the athletes at your school, like the football players? Mm-hmm. Was it a good experience?

Did they try? We didn't have elite athletes like you did. They were regular people. Okay. I was in a sociology class. It was literally the last class I had to take to graduate college, and one of the guys next to me was in the same boat. And he was like an O-lineman from Mizzou in 2012 or whatever it was. And the biggest human I'd ever sat next to to take to get the credit. And it was like, what do you think about this movie about women's struggle? And I'd be like, I thought it was good or bad. I don't know.

And this guy would be like, he would get asked a question. And first thing he would do is take out his gallon of water and drink half of it. And then he'd be like, yeah, you know, I'm, I could, I could not,

it did not keep my attention. Like, and it's like the film we watched for homework. I could not keep it. I got maybe halfway through. Wow. And it's like, it's like,

that's not the right answer. At least lie about it. And the woman, you know, some, some like a pre SJW, this was before all that, but the purple hair, the overweight, and it was like

hilarious just seeing this guy not give a shit like i wonder if he got away with drafted by the ravens so i don't i don't really give two fucks about this lame ass movie you're trying i was about to say is he the equivalent of like a really pretty girl who like didn't have to develop those other aspects of himself because he'd get treated differently by society? Based on this, yes. To see what he looked like in a chair was absurd.

You see him sitting in a chair, it looks like he's levitating. There's no chair there. His big back covering the whole thing. But yeah, that was hilarious. Was he exceptional on the team? Was he a standout Mizzou player?

Apparently, I didn't follow the football team that closely, but he was one of the guys that got drafted in a way that wasn't like practice squad, I think I remember. Oh, okay. Because a lot of guys

get that practice squad draft. If you could get, this is kind of a topic change, but if you could get some of the retired workout equipment from the Mizzou College gym, would that be a cool thing? Oh, yeah. Dude, that equipment is like tippity top of the line. What is it?

It starts with F. It's custom painted sometimes, too. Yeah, it's adult black and gold. Is it Sorenx or something? Yeah, I know what you're thinking. It's like they have real nice lifetime fitnesses. Last night I found some stuff that came out of the Minnesota Vikings locker rooms.

Sorenx. I found a Sorenx cage from the Minnesota Vikings locker room last night with their color scheme and the Viking head on it. It was a little expensive um like like triple what i was going to pay um so not and i'm not a minnesota vikings fan if it was like uga i could be tempted if i could get like like the same shit but like all uga but it will

stand up to your 2500 pound squats kyle well let's hope you know you know let's hope uh we don't want to hurt ourselves um i saw a video just a minute ago that was in our uh discord let me lay this out to you there is a concealed carry class going down where in your mind god damn it why does it matter where okay a guy i thought that was part of the story. All right, just establishing that. Guy walked in and starts rifling through someone's bag, their gym bag, which has their gun in it. And he's like, hey, that's my bag.

Fuck you. And so they tell him to leave the class because he's causing a disturbance, and they call the cops. The cops show up outside, and two officers try to arrest this guy. He swings at one, and that guy loses his balance. And then he clobbers the other one, knocking that one down.

And then he takes about one more step, and then everyone shoots him. There's a scene when you go frame by frame in the video where four people all at the same time go extend their arms with hands. where four people all at the same time go extend their arms with hands. What a terrible place to commit a robbery. The local police captain or whatever was like, at this time, four of the employees and Officer Daniels discharged their weapons into the suspect.

Help was rendered, but he was... By that point, he had become a fine mist. It was probably the 67 bullet holes that did it. Jesus Christ. I've just clicked on that video.

You could probably show a freeze frame of it, but it's nuts. It's like six people in a circle in a semi-circle around this guy, all like that. Oh my Jesus Christ in like a semicircle around this guy, all like that. Oh, my Jesus Christ.

Oh, I want to see this video. Yeah, I don't know. That might be, that's one of the worst places on earth to try to rob. You could see initially when he's like kind of hassling them and maybe going through a guy's bag,

at least one of them's hand immediately goes for his pistol. Like, are we going to have a goddamn problem in the class today? Like, he's so excited. They all are. PTT tried to rob the guy in the Mizzou sweater. It looks like. Is that Mizzou or Steelers?

I can't tell. That is the worst COVID mask I've ever seen. What is that, a bandana that's four feet long? It's a stylistic choice. People talk about the little seal breaks that happen between your nose and your cheek. Oh no, it's the Mizzou guy who got shot. He got owned pretty good.

Mizzou fan can handle himself. Oh my god. The freeze frame so good. That is so funny. Five people. The freeze frame is hilarious. They're probably wondering how I got myself into this. They don't show him being shot. No.

No, they don't. Live Lake doesn't exist anymore. It depends where you are. Most of the... I use YouTube for that police activity channel because it shows people getting you most of the uh i i use youtube confer that with that police activity channel because it shows people getting shot most of the time it's wild i didn't know they should be gone for real yeah yeah maybe maybe two three years now i didn't know why did why did lively get got

i mean it's not a little around like showing stuff like that. I don't know how it works. Now it's a, what was the one you just sent rumble? Is that where you get wild videos now? Uh, I, I, that wasn't wild enough. That wasn't wild enough. I'm disappointed really. I wouldn't world star hip hop or world star, I guess is what it is now. I usually find a chaotic or for, for the brand of insanity that i'm looking for you

know if whether you want war stuff or street fights i sent you guys that street fight last night where the one kid takes on five and fucking by the end of it they're all on the ground except for one and he's about to face off against the last one and it cuts and you're like come on get the fucking uh sweep or is that a movie it was like a clip from a movie it was like like only one of them was there to fight and it was that guy he fucked them up no i love internet crazy videos it's been that's how i spend most of my time i'd find good ones they're like a real one percent of the one percent sort of thing it's always like some dude's got a shaky camera or they don't actually show something happening i yeah i don't enjoy what i used to i used to like the shock value of what could be on the internet was a big deal to me oh my god this guy died

i saw a sniper shoot some guy in iraq and the victim just fell so straight down that the on off switch was shocking to me now though like i've seen everything there's it you can i guess still shock me i'm not going to say it's inconceivable but by and large there's nothing new for me i've seen all the ways people can die yeah i don't i don't want to watch those videos anymore like it's upsetting to see people there's no lathe accident gunshot uh bludgeoning that isn't just redundant for me at this point yeah i'll tell you what i like i like um lathe accidents you know i you do like lathe accidents i really dislike lathe he's a huge fan of lathe accidents don't let him lie to you don't be like nobody knows they're pto shafts they're all spinny grabby things

no spinny grabby things for me i like it when when people stand in the road and then cars finally have had enough of that and then you get to have people versus cars. And that's my favorite. Cars undefeated. Undefeated. I'm watching one right now get smushed. I want to see a car get beaten.

I want to see some retired professional bullfighter just olay it into a street light that would be impressive yeah i know what you're talking about those videos and like the best ones of those videos it's like somebody in front of a car like spitting on the car and like slapping the hood and like kicking the tires and it's like you realize he's in a 3 000 pound machine like like you like the amount of arrogance to think like i'm invincible like you don't know if the person behind the wheel is a lunatic who was like i've been waiting for this yes i'm gonna be a hero and then barrels through

a bunch of people would i be like too confident to say that I feel like you could outmaneuver a car? It's got too wide of a turning rate. They're slow to start up. I don't know if I could dodge one coming real fast. Depends where you are. How fast is the problem? It feels like I could do it. I need the right environment.

Let's say hypothetically I'm in a parking lot where there are so many escape options you know right there's some parking lot filled with cars to be clear would that help maybe he just smushed me with the cars what environment would i be good maybe a parking lot with lots of street lamps right this seems like a mistake because you're going to park this is like fighting sharks in the ocean what Woody. You're going to fight a car in a parking lot? You fight a car in your living room.

Kyle, you know the little curbs, right? That you can't drive over them. This is not a truck. We said car. We were very clear on the car. And then the street lamps that I can hide behind. I feel like I got moves. It's like the YouTuber boxing match.

We need to make this happen. Someone get a couple 40 in the ring. Right. I want somebody in a Miata to take on me in the parking lot of my choosing. I wouldn't fight a Tesla. They're too fast to immediately go. And they can sneak up on you.

And there's no warning. A diesel car or something takes a few seconds to get up to a deathly speed. An ice cream truck? Something where you know where it is at all times. I've seen a few videos where this played out. In the streets,

one person wants to damage a car, the other person's in the car, and they're like, you know what? I'm going to run you over now. It doesn't last long. Generally, what happens is they back up enough that they can get a running start and then turn however they want and they run the person over in the end. Those ones where they're on the hood of the car

and they back up like that. I see that. Well, and sometimes they do the thing that they see in movies. It's always sunny in Philly where the gun goes bang, bang, bang, bang. The car does too. It's just like, oh, he tried to go to the left.

Yeah, my car does that real well. And it doesn't get tired. Like you do. Yeah. Like, like, you know, from the movies and Kyle,

you've seen enough of these videos. Like sometimes someone will be in hot pursuit running from a car and they've seen on, you know, mission impossible. Tom Cruise, like jump back into the hood and like Tom cruise rolls off the top doesn't break an ankle and then he runs the other way like these people they jump on the top they kind of slide up but

then the car accelerates and then and then just stops pitches them forward like dashed on the concrete it's like oh that's that's what reality is again like it just got real too quick for that guy you know what i just hit the pane of glass with his back real hard it's still painful and i'm talking about videos i said i've seen it all i like it when the underdog wins i like it when the little guy beats the big one or the bully's victim finally like had no business being a victim in the first place or like kyle mentioned when the toyota five and the one wins somehow that's cool yeah i like all those videos too um i i'm not afraid of being tricked by a fake video that's set up i can usually tell though i think like like if i see like a lot of spinning kicks or something i'm like i don't know about

this but i've seen so many of those great great clips of like especially when i saw usually hate seeing the white knight stuff but some guy was being an asshole to like other men and they were all just kind of tolerating it and then finally he like hauled off and hit a woman in the face for seemingly no reason you know it was a long enough clip that like she didn't seem like she was being conti enough to hit. Could be wrong. And anyway. Then everybody piles in. He popped her a good one. And then every man within, I don't know, 50 feet just swarms him.

And he's on the ground so fast that there's not a lot of punching to be had. It's mostly kicking and stomping. And they're kicking and stomping and they're so mad at him they're so mad at him the the stomping is what i don't like about a lot of those videos it's like someone will get knocked out cold and it's like oh good win and then it's like oh it's not a video is a third of the way through the video is a third of the way through let's watch this and then it's just a puddle of blood and viscera on like the corner of a shitty nightclub yeah i saw one that was too much for me too much for me the other day i saw um a trans woman getting this guy's face on a bus and man i don't know why she thought that that thing was gonna go her way but jesus christ i don't i've never seen somebody get punched in the

face that many times there was just so much they were like she leaking and she was she was leaking i bet you i can give you a good explanation for that the uh it's it's nuts so i've met a lot of trans women now okay the effect that estrogen has on your you it, it's, it's like they're not there anymore. Estrogen just tanks your shit. You need to train so much harder because my, like Marisa, right? The German, German girl that I know is just jacked. She's, she's trans as well. She's got like muscles twice the size of mine.

She just really is into that like hyper fitness thing. I can beat her in arm wrestle or I could, I could beat her in arm wrestle like um and i'm not a exactly super strong dude yeah bigger muscle let's see it oh well because you've got the the test flowing through you give you the extra strength testosterone solid thank you you guys are like the workout crew that i know i can't get into that shit but i've lost weight though since the last time I was here yeah keep it to yourself yeah I lost like 5 pounds 20 pounds? 23? I don't know what the conversion is

I lost just over 10 kilograms congrats that's a serious amount of weight to lose yeah are you doing any like post diet celebrating or are you staying good oh I did I did that immediate. Like, okay, now I can start fucking up.

Do you celebrate weight loss with like gluttony? Yeah. With lasagna? That's why I'm in this cyclical pattern. He's like, all right, one year sober. Oh, man, I've lost five pounds. Pizza time. Time to celebrate these five pounds lost by eating four back on right now i think everyone has that like bounce back thing though well you lose a bunch of weight and then

you're like okay i'll i'll have to like not even that but like i'll have a subway sandwich or something and then it's like oh it's addicting immediately but uh it's me as injury i'm sorry i'm cutting you off on your topic but uh that was done when i work out i eat well if i can't work out then that leads to me like well flipping the table fuck everything i'm not into fitness anymore i know how that is i have that same thing not with i don't so i i regretfully i didn't work out much i started running at the start of it and then i quickly realized that like i was burning like a few hundred calories on that run and it was taking up a long time like so i just stopped doing i just did like the really small calorie deficit for a while and it just worked and i i'm i actively

don't want to gain muscle like this it kind of upsets the the illusion the aesthetic yeah yeah yeah so yeah i didn't need to do that but the um oh my god man the it's it's rough whenever i need to work a lot i yeah that's where i fuck up i'll order i'll order food and i'll have the worst stuff because it's just like a you know you have the pizza just to get through this one task that you got to do that day yeah i've done that like like i'll be good all day but i get hungry late at night and then you like look at doordash or postmates whatever it is and it's like choose a healthy option and it's like i'm not gonna pay 40 for vegetables like no thank you i want i want a full pizza just for me and then like

this is probably a fat thing but like after i order the pizza i get excited about it i'm like i really look forward to the pizza getting there that's all you do for the next like half an hour just like he's coming i just i just i wrote this down because i saw i saw this movie it's a thing in America. Every American movie, whenever they're like, oh, guys, let's sleep over. Let's go order pizza. And they order for one person two pizzas. How the fuck?

Is that real? It's in every fucking movie. When you have a real party, you're getting shit tons of pizza. He said two pizzas for one person. Did I hear it backwards? Taylor's like, no, we get a lot of pizza. Wait, wait. He said two pizzas for one person. Did I hear it backwards? Taylor's like, no, we get a lot of pizza. Is two

per person not enough? I thought he said, you're throwing a big party and there's only two pizzas. Usually, like the American, you want one pizza per person. No. No, not really. If you did like a third of a pizza per person that'd be about on target it's incredible how like skewed the british like it might be every country about

america because we've just got the worst stereotypes on you there's a oh you know you're saying about like late at night ordering stuff for me where i live it's barely anything's open late but the one thing that is open late at like these dessert shops they're just shops that only serve like waffles pancakes like stuff like that like cake they have there's one near me i don't want to dox myself but there's one near me that goes like their sizing options go they start at medium it goes medium large american style which is slander american style i'm gonna be a big fat fuck tonight american style please i'm gonna google if big fat fuck tonight American style please I'm gonna google if this restaurant's like so near me

That it's gonna dox me Okay no it's not they're everywhere So there's a restaurant there's a convenience store Literally just called Chubby's And it's just all American style candy There's tons of that American style candy is the best candy Like I'm not super nationalistic or anything,

but nobody can fuck with our candy. No one comes close. I really love the sour Skittles. You know those? I love those. Am I going to show my ass? I don't like those. This is how we increase your watch time, by the way.

I asked for them to send me a bunch because you can't get them here. Let me plug my headphones back in. Oh, nice. I haven't had a Skittle in fucking forever. They're amazing. I love them. Yeah, no one can hang with American candies more.

It's not even close. I had a friend who was from Yugoslavia. He'd be from Serbia today. He's like, do you want to try some Yugoslavian candies and after a while i'm like well this is a dead battery it would be like bison or something i'm like the fuck well it's the worst chocolate on Earth mixed with a little radiation. And that's what we get.

Yeah, no, American candy, number one. Like, you think that the Reese's Corporation has run out of ideas? Don't you dare. They'll find ways to inject more palm oil and more sugar into that, just like they did with the Reese's Fast Break, and they changed the game with the Fast Break. Everyone knows this. They changed the game.

Fast break is better than the cup? Oh, yes. One of Finster's viewers, if you're sending him candy, some Reese's fast breaks. That might have to be a winter ship. It might be too hot. It might show up all melted and shitty because it's outside as chocolate. I don't know how hot

it is over there right now. It's always cold. It's a freezer and every every way it's winter in england yeah it's funny to ask you like you're from england what day is it there actually it is a different day right now compared to you it's yes it is a different day a few times it works i guess for australia it almost always works right it's like seattle but as shitty as this no i i well we were talking about it before the show came on like birmingham the place where i live i was saying how how it's the Detroit of the UK. It really is.

Everyone hates it. Really? Many people hate it. Okay, to give you some perspective on it. So my friend was like, oh, I'll come around. They're American. They're like, oh, let me come around. I'll come to the UK.

I'll do a UK trip. And I recommended them a place to go, Brighton. It's lovely. Just a scream out. Okay, good fucking timing. So they were like, oh, let me come. And I said, no, you can't come to me. We'll go somewhere

else. And then I linked them a study or like a survey that got done. It's like 75% of Birmingham residents are miserable. It specifically used that wording. I mean, I love it. What's so bad about Birmingham?

Birmingham? Like crime or like what? It's all it's like it's just a city with nothing to do in it. And it's really high crime. And everything's kind of like beaten up and shit. So it's not a great combo. I mean, good. Yeah, that's that's God.

It's yeah, that's why I recommend Brighton. Brighton's love. There's a fun story about Brighton is that like in the war, Hitler didn't bomb Brighton purely because he liked it so much. So I know after this wraps up, I might want a vacation there so i want to keep it nice what a great property there it's got a house in brighton how far away is brighton from where

you are i guess from i mean i'm in england everything's like two hours away i think that's the other side of the country in like three hours on the train i've heard real estate's outrageous did you buy a place you're renting a place i bought this one so i bought i bought yeah so it oh god yeah but the um so i googled this you know like there's a trend about tiny houses or there was a trend about tiny homes yeah i googled what makes a tiny home and it's like anything under 600 square feet and i got interested in it and And I, I looked, I did all the floor, but I've got like a 3d scan on my phone.

I 3d scan my whole house. And I measured our beta. My house is 650 square feet. My two story house is 600. Do you look down on tiny house people? I am tiny house people. You're like a 9%, 8% bigger than a tiny house.

Wow, look at this guy's pain tree. It's important. That line is important. You're like that person. When do you technically become a dwarf, right? Like 4'10", 4'9"? There are some 5 foot tall people who are like, hey, how tall are you? Like 4'11"? No! No!

I'm 5 fucking feet tall! Don't you dare try to measure me! Don't measure me. Take measure away, asshole. How tall are you guys, by the way? Six foot. With shoes. Whoa!

Six foot without shoes. Yeah, Taylor's actually taller than me, but I'm still six foot. In most of the shoes that I wear. Six foot unless I'm wearing sandals. I had a moment on stream where for all my life I've been five foot eleven. However, I never actually measured myself. I just stacked it up against other people that also said they were five foot eleven. I'm five foot nine.

Oh my goodness. What a weight this is. I bought my dad a laser measuring thing, which are great, by the way, if you like woodworking and shit. But I was like, I'm going to settle this shit. Because my stream makes fun of me saying I'm 5'0". So I was like, no,

I'm 5'11". I might even be 6'. I'll prove it to them. And I did the little stream like makes fun of me saying i'm five foot nothing so i like i was like no i'm five foot 11 i might even be six foot i'll prove it to them and i like did the little scan the way it's like a brick with a laser beam sitting out so you just kind of like hold it put a book on your head put it there five foot nine five foot nine and a half i'm absolutely not doing that bit there was like it was like five foot 9.4 and then I like straightened my back up I have measured 6 foot at the doctor's office just not every time

I don't believe that shit I do not believe that shit I measured 6 foot 2 at the doctor's office and I knew it was a mistake but I went with it just coke bottle glasses. I don't know what kind of platform shoes I had on

but she's like, I'm going to get your height and weight. The nurse will be with you shortly. Maybe I was on the scale and she measured to the floor or something. I don't know how that fucked up. I've gone to the doctor and I've been like worried about the height one but the weight one i've gotten on there before and i remember like when i was like 21 or something at the

doctor being like i should take my shoes off right and they're like no and i'm like i'm gonna take my shoes you know i don't these are probably these are huge these are probably seven pounds each you know i'll leave them on but just put that in the notes i went to the doctor and they're like These are huge. These are probably seven pounds each. I'll leave them on, but just put that in the notes. I went to the doctor. They're like, how much do you weigh? And I'm like, I don't know, like 203, 205. It's like 211. And I'm like, you know, I keep a flashlight, a multi-tool,

and a phone in my pockets that you should know. Shoes are on. Also, these silver ingots. I did eat twice on the way here. That would be a horrible bit where they're like, hey, Taylor, I'm going to donate this amount. See if you can use that 32-inch belt.

Show us who used that 32-inch belt. And I'm like, I can't. Now try the 34 one. No. Oh, I can't. Now try the 34 one. No. Oh, God. No. This whole outfit was sent to me by like a viewer.

It's like a, it's Ariana Grande's. It was something she wore in a video. Not actually hers, but you know, it was the same sort of style thing. It was custom made for me. So I had to get all my like measurements sent to this person that's going to order it. Oh, that's a harrowing i did not enjoy that process because like uh and then i mean it's good for good for weight loss but

like this actual outfit so the last time i wore it i wore like a corset to like but i'm not wearing one now because this is shaped like how i used to look and i'm a square. Yeah, that. So I've got the whole little... Very nice. You're wearing it better. Thank you. So ridiculous. It is funny. I've gone out

on a walk in this, dude. I got lost in this in Birmingham. Jesus. God, that could have ended so poorly. Yeah. I mean, there's in this in birmingham jesus god that could have been it's so poorly yeah i can't if though i mean there's so many weapons so much well i'm better when you go for your slut walks yeah this is what you call women doing errands i was gonna ask finster traveling really for people who don't know, Finster is a knife guy.

What is the best knife you can reach without getting out of your chair? Oh, they're all there. So I'm going to have to find out. It wasn't really a tough one, huh? I mean, okay. Well, this one is a Arcform Slim 4. It's like carbon fiber. It's a really beautiful little knife.

It's like it's hollow ground, all that. It's like, oh, god, I'm a spotlight. Okay, it's this really beautiful thing. I know the one that you're interested in, though. Shall I grab this one? Now I'm interested. I've seen this a little bit before. Oh, wait, where the fuck did that go?

Oh, it's in my other fucking room. See? He's going to roll that chair all the way to the other room. What do you got? You're prepared roll that chair all the way to the other room. What do you got on your knife if you're prepared? I do this one. The Shinkansen. It's like a little front flipper thing. Again, I can take up so much

space on this show. I've gotta buy you a knife or something. So fucking many! This one, it's Wii knives. It's like one solid billet of titanium it's we knives it's like all one solid billet of titanium it's made out of m390 steel all that

I do like my knives man I do like them I can't hang with you without getting out of my chair I have a Leatherman P3 P2 I think a multi-tool which is kind of cool I have this which was actually a gift from FPS Russia. I remember that guy.

This SOG knife. I got it as a Christmas present once. So that's kind of cool. And that's really it for knives without getting out of my chair. I also have high-quality, I think, Ginger scissors. Are those like the hairdressing ones that cost a ton they're for like people who are really into quilting and stuff

but oh is it quilting that they're used for there no I just wanted a pair of good scissors these are scissors that no one else in the family is allowed to use I just wanted to check okay I'm not into quilting.

I'm actually not into any of the sewing things. But the things I would be interested in, there's two. Subversive cross stitch. Zach, can you Google subversive cross stitch? I see this on Reddit and it cracks me up. So you're familiar with cross stitching. That's when they take the thread and they make art out of it. It's typically like houses and like beach i made my home

act teacher cry she didn't teach us but subversive cross stitch is when they do that but they write like dirty things and stuff like that let's see what he thought yeah perfect perfect if i were into sewing stuff there would be that or sometimes i see the crochet things or like the knitting like snuffkins working on and i and that like i don't think i like doing it but i really want the outcome of it i would love to have a sweater like that i remember i know someone who was working on a movie with judy dench and uh they saw that she was doing some needlepoint or something over there i think it was a pillow and when they went over to look at oh may i see what you and she turned it over and it said cunt right across the front that's all it said yeah that that stuff is entertaining to me is that a point in age that you hit there's this there's some stuff that's like uh

reserved for uh being alive being around too long what like getting into knitting which part of the knitting you know i feel like those ones are oh yeah that's a great one this shit's funny to me like there's something about the juxtaposition of what typically like an innocent grandmother who's somehow a virgin grandma would make and like the subversive aspect of it like i don't know that's funny to me you just get ptsd you want to hear a grandma story yeah yeah i haven't told this to the internet you got a slutty granny hold on dude this one's one of those ones that i may regret telling okay so basically when my grandma finally like when when she passed away she's very nice but the uh when she passed away she was this sweet old lady and she was she hoarded a bit like she just had a bunch of shit we had to clear it like an entire garage a garage like worth of fully crammed like

three car garage worth of stuff like proper like hoarder there and she just wouldn't throw anything away so eventually we had to come in clean it out took weeks and everyone it was sort of our all hands-on thing everyone had to come and help whole families there come and help and one day me and my mom go over we start clearing out sort of a bedroom taking out all these coats you find the little gold trinkets in her pockets and stuff and then her like bedside drawer came up and i opened this big bedside drawer with like should have been filled with socks little hand knitted stuff like that caramels yeah

Werther's original stuff like that it took it took up the whole length of the drawer this thing that I found I mean oh my god what color was it a weird like it was

realistic shape it It was real. It was one of the hyper real ones. Caucasian? Yeah. Oh, God. Look, decode this for me. This was the length of a drawer. Are we talking about a 24-inch realistic dildo?

Oh, no. I got so scared of what he was going to show. It was like... i'd call it like a forearm i don't know like like bigger than you'd maybe it's a memory thing like i was just shocked by it oh my god go grab it let's see go you didn't keep it no i mean i'd left the room i think my mom we're all in good spirits about at the moment ah yep we were gonna find one eventually and then uh apparently i only recently got told though apparently a lot more that i was saved from seeing but that was a fun juxtaposition of how i how i

knew i guess oh my god yeah there's a so that whole like knitting thing the cross stitching thing i just oh my god uh there's got to be some whole knitting thing, the cross-stitching thing, I just... Oh, my God. There's got to be some things you're into when you're older, because that's a strictly old-person thing that new people are taking over and doing, like, parodying it, basically, right? Yeah, to me, subversive cross-stitching is a young person's thing. Yeah, yeah.

That's the parody of it all. That's the part I like. Woody, is the row versus weight thing going to go all the way through? Or is there going to be some sort of way to stop? First of all, I think absolutely. It's already essentially done. They also came forward and said that those leaked documents are 100% authentic. So what we saw is what it is.

So they're pulling it back, right? Like 100%. Oh, i believe that roe versus wade is going to be overturned that's what i'm saying i didn't understand pulling it back to me that meant it wasn't going to happen oh you're pulling i meant overturning roe versus wade yeah i just didn't phrase it well um i agree with you i think that it roee versus Wade is going to be undone. It will start getting bounced to the states. I also think it's an unpopular issue for the Republicans that politically it hurts them. This to me is a little like when they hated gay marriage.

Dude, this is all pain, no gain. You shouldn't take this one up. And they're going back there. It's a hurting issue for them politically, which it's been the left making all the unforced errors lately. If you imagine someone judging you really harshly and calling you racist, that guy's a Democrat, right? Some of the most unlikable people in our society right now are virtue signaling, leaning like uh judging whatever

calling comedy gestapo sure and uh now the right is finally making their version of these mistakes where they're like telling you that you you have to have that baby you don't want they're telling you that you're not allowed gay people shouldn shouldn't get married anymore. They're making up nonsense like the bathroom bills. Oh, that's four years ago. People know that I think it was they weren't letting cross-dressers and

anyone that had a penis go into the wrong bathroom. It was trans people it was directed at, right? There was a lot of good memes that came out of it. A lot of very hype. Someone that looks like me piss pissing in a urinal it's like this is the future conservative yeah like that was a dude there was literally never any problem that they were trying to solve and no one has ever been arrested because of that law it was just political theater and it's a losing issue it hurt north carolina lots of businesses pulled out

we lost the all-star game shit like that yeah i don't know that was that big of an impact on that oh yeah yeah dude banks didn't come here that were on their way like google was going to open or maybe it was apple was going to come here they pulled out like it had like billions of dollars and tv shows like musical concerts like like like you know they musical concerts. They can cancel your state if you get out of pocket. Holy shit. But this time around, I don't know what's going to be done. I will say I enjoy whenever stuff happens, even if it's bad stuff. I like the theater of it all.

And, man, there are a lot of really upset people. I have never seen Elizabeth Warren so upset. Someone tweeted like, I guess her tribe believes in abortion or something like that. But I saw her and she was like struggling to speak clearly. She was so upset. About the abortion thing? Yeah, yeah. So what's it going to do?

Like make it a state thing individually? Yeah,'s it going to do like make it a state it's going to bounce to the state yeah it's going to bounce to the states and so if i if someone in georgia for example wants an abortion i believe north carolina is the closest uh oh georgia's you know georgia would almost certainly be a no yeah yeah i think there are trigger laws in a number of places already that like so that like as soon as they do their thing federally the state law is immediately uh like in place and ready to be enforced georgia previously wanted it to be six weeks which is even shorter than it sounds because it starts like before conception it starts at like the beginning of the period like it's confusing to me why pregnancy begins before she even fucks

anyone but there you have it and uh yeah right because when they say six weeks they're talking about from i guess the beginning of her period if i have this right which is not they're not talking about from conception that's not six weeks pregnant it's the beginning of her cycle i thought they were all about the whole like life begins at conception thing i thought that's always what I've heard too. Is it possible that maybe you're thinking about how essentially it could be four weeks before they could even know

because of a missed period and so then subtracting that from a potential six-week thing, it's like, oh, so you've got two weeks. Yeah, I have heard that. Because you had no way of knowing that you were pregnant. Boy, what are you going to test yourself daily for babies?

Did you take your baby test? Yeah, I'm clear. No, I'm right about this, actually. When doctors say a woman is six weeks pregnant, the embryo started developing four weeks ago. The first two weeks were just when it was released from the ovary. So it's like the lining of her womb? Is that like... I don't understand this. This isn't making sense to me.

It's confusing. In their case, they consider how far along the development is from when it came out of the ovary, not from when it met sperm. I wouldn't have guessed that either. I learned that this year. But I probably learned it before and forgot it. Well, that's wacky. But I thought it was when the egg was fertilized, but

you're saying that an egg is good enough. Don't you fuck with that egg. I don't get that. When they say someone's six weeks pregnant, they don't mean they fucked six weeks ago. They fucked about four weeks ago. So the egg counts. Does that mean

sperm count? Is that how that works mass genocide every time you know I've killed trillions that doesn't make any sense because the egg and the sperm on their own they're not going to do shit yeah I believe you I'm just saying that doesn't make any sense all that aside I think we're all

like pro choice here some of us more than others good Good Lord. Uh, I'm, uh, I'm, I'm not, I'm not too thrilled about this decision. It really does suck. I, but, but you know, uh, again, I always side with that thing where it's like, I see that I saw an ally in the crowd. Uh, and, and he said, uh, I don't have a uterus. I don't have anything to say about this. It's none of my business. And I want to be like, well, first of all, get the fuck out of here then.

And second of all, Roe versus Wade was decided by, was it seven men? Was it seven men? You're trying to defend the thing that seven men decided about women's uteruses. Stop attacking men when so many women were also the cause of what's happening right now this is not men versus women there are a lot of men who don't like this either i doubt there is many men who don't like it as much as there are women who don't like if that makes sense it's a women's issue but that doesn't mean that we don't have opinions anymore uh they only want your opinion if they and what about what about a trans woman my opinion can a trans woman an opinion? That's what I would want to know.

He said something like, I don't have a uterus. This liberal ally said, I don't have a uterus. I don't get a say. And I wanted to be like, what about trans women? Are you saying that trans women have no say in the reproductive rights of women? What would he do? I don't know what the right answer is i mean the left answer the left answer the one that won't get me in trouble yeah like all jokes aside though it's it's pretty wild

uh i never thought this would happen it was always that thing that's like oh yeah like the whole supreme court got taken over but all of these people who are on there you know they're playing the clips now of them being like Roe versus Wade, settled law. Every single one of them said it when they were brought before Congress in one way or another. And if you've seen those when they run them through the rigmarole there, you know they don't get asked once, twice, or three times. They get asked 30 fucking times every angle of approach possible with this verbal jujitsu they try to throw on these guys. And they still are like, you know, I don't know a lot about that topic. I'm when I'm looking at law and then they've got their answers pre-programmed

and it's perfect. But all of them essentially said, not essentially, literally said that Roe versus Wade was, you know, settled law precedent. And now I guess it's a different story. And I guess that worst of all opens the door to taking things away like gay marriage. I don't know, maybe gays in the military, stuff like that. Anything that the hard right would like to eliminate. You think the gay marriage thing will happen?

I think it adds like 30% chance. I feel like I haven't heard anyone mention that in like 10 years. Like it became legal and it was like, okay. What's the approval rating on that? I feel like it's got to be, if I was going to guess, well, it's got to be like 80%, 90% of people. I think Zach told us that the majority is for the 16-week deadline on abortion. He says 15 weeks is what he wrote.

54% of America says 15 weeks. 15 weeks doesn't bother me. There's all these things. If the brain's on the outside, I'm okay with fucking afterbirth for all I know. I'm not. We've talked about that. I do feel like these late-term things need to be rare exceptions.

And I think they are. But I don't know how to write it in law. If you say, for example, when the mother's health is threatened, then she can just be like, I don't know. I'd be pretty depressed if I had a baby. And it's hard to write it into law in such a way that you get it perfect. So it's tricky. write it into law in such a way that that you get it perfect so i that it's tricky um but there is also a look you can't sit on this too long you know like it it when we get it down to six weeks it's like oh shit it's only two weeks after she's missed her period sometimes that happens normally

yeah like this this is uh and what you're supposed to get yourself in the doctor's chair for this procedure when you're like within five days of knowing that you passed a pregnancy test. And like, that's too short, too, too, too short. But add nine more weeks to that. Add two months plus to that. And it's like, well, you were kind of sitting on your hands for a while. You missed several periods. You, you like, you should have taken a pregnancy test and knew what was up. That gives you time to deal with

this. You could have had a real woman to talk about how this all works. No, this is good. It's even better. We won't know anything more about this than when we started. If you could just nod along when we say things so that if someone

watches the clip, they just see a woman agreeing. Yeah. It's the same thing when you were talking about like a bunch of Americans, a bunch of school, just sit around and look at it. Go like that. By the way,

we've got a little Japanese girl who's going to fill in. Yeah. I don't know if this is the one you were looking at. What like take people's takes on abortion haven't changed as much as I would have guessed since like the 70s like even in 2021 it's like 48 say legal only under certain circumstances that's the most popular view then 32 say legal under any circumstances and then 19 say illegal under any circumstances and i guess that last percentage that last point they couldn't decide maybe yeah i don't know one of the things that that's an issue with an with um something like this is

those outliers because like the right will bring you those pictures of babies that have had scissors inserted into their skulls and then the brain sucked out when all you had to do was push one more time or they'll show you um oh what's the other thing that's a horrific oh the the the the statistics where like these ladies are having four or five abortions a year, and it's like, this is just your birth control. And of course, she's not paying for these abortions like the taxpayer is. So it's like, wait a minute, I'm funding this prostitute's five, six abortions a year. That's taxpayers are funding that?

How many years has this been? Three years! Okay. Well, right to choose, I guess. I don't know. That, I feel like you picked a really extreme and rare corner case. That's what I said to begin with, is that

you end up with these, like, weird outlier cases, and I, like, the partial birth abortions, I believe, are weird That's what I said to begin with, is that you end up with these weird outlier cases. And the partial birth abortions, I believe, are weird outlier cases, too. I think that doesn't happen unless it's like, I don't know when that happens, but the right will throw it forward like, this is just what they do sometimes. They're about to have a baby, and then they're like, you know what? Never mind. Kill it. Like they wanted to do it cruelly. Yeah, yeah.

do it cruelly yeah yeah but like the reality is like when someone has an abortion after eight months that couple wanted a baby that couple probably named that baby that is a mom and a dad in serious mental distress because their baby wasn't viable like that's what happened most of the time pretty much all the time like like well i know a lot of like. I'm talking about eight months plus, right? Like, do people foul up and deny what's happening with their body at three months? Yeah, I could guess that. At six months, start not to buy it very much. At eight? Dude, these are people who were excitedly looking about their baby.

They gave that baby a name. They may have painted the fucking nursery. To paint them as people who were just like really into cruel abortions is a lie yeah yeah unless it's like one of those porn stars who does like pregnant porn so like she just goes to eight months every eight months you gotta maintain that's true that's the true maneuvering yeah what a horrible job that would be That's shrewd maneuvering. What a horrible job that would be.

You're just pregnant your whole life. No payoff at the end. You guys are way less shocked about it. You get to eat whatever you want. Everybody's always want to rub your belly. It sounds like a real win-win situation to me. Is there any discomfort with pregnancy? Like when you boil it down. No, I don't know.

Everyone knows that. You glow. Everyone knows it's great. You want pickles a little bit and you're fine. Yes. Bigger boobs. Bigger boobs.

A jar of pickles and some stretch pants and like, come on. Yeah, it's a notoriously easy process. Yeah. I mean,

all I know is that we wouldn't complain so much if we did. Yeah, I wouldn't complain at all. It would be like the garbage. You know, when we take the garbage out, we don't even mention it. It just gets taken much if we didn't yeah it would be like the garbage would you know when we take the garbage out we don't even mention it it just gets taken out that's how childbirth would be here he is yeah you should have woken me nah we'll get it out of the way here's your coffee by the way honey and and then your baby yeah i did this morning

have you seen those little electrodes you can get placed on you to stimulate really bad cramps? They do it to dudes every now and then. You think you can deal with childbirth? They just fucking crank it. What's true? I mean, the guy at Impractical Jokers, he did it.

Really? Yeah, and they turned it all the way up on him, and he still had the wherewithal to be making jokes like as it was happening he's like whoa this is pretty crazy i don't think that's the same though like like i think if you had to shit like a cantaloupe that would be uh that would be on par right that could be well now now i'm getting it yeah it does sound rough no that's that's going to be a new thing. I'm going to just subtly undercut the difficulty of being pregnant in the moment in my life where I'm like,

man, I've heard it can take days for your body to get back to normal. I heard it doesn't actually hurt. On the body fat loss, how long should moms get a pass for being heavy after pregnancy four months four months i don't know what is the reason i've never really thought about this no no i i think um you know based on the medical opinions of our our friend mr v um uh he he

informed us that the modern uh prego is too fat, and she has gained this weight because society says, oh, yeah, eat up, pregnant girl. You need to. And it's important that we do that because back in the day, it was the opposite. It was like, stay slim during your pregnancy with these pep pills. And it's like, wait a minute. Are you feeding pregnant women fucking amphetamines to keep them slim? They did that shit. And it's like, all right, but we've gone too far they did that shit and it's like all right but

we've gone too far the other way now where it's like hog out that baby needs 5 000 calories a day like a world champion power lifter yeah that baby needs refined sugars when in reality you should be on some like what pregnant women eat should be some sort of like healthy like micro macro nutrient based thing that she's like growing a fucking human being's brain inside of her stomach so like maybe haagen-dazs and mcdonald's isn't the go-to i don't know i give them a pass on anything they'd like gain when it's happening though the whole like weight loss after is like that's debatable but while it's happening when you when you are pregnant fuck i don't care dude if i if it takes me a whole dominoes to get through a minecraft video recording if i was pregnant holy shit yeah but like not for

nine months straight right like we'll forgive like a night of gluttony but like don't make a whole lifestyle out of it lady like oh yeah i wouldn't baby weighs seven pounds okay you're eating two pounds of food a day this isn't adding adding up. That is something I like that you realize as friends, significant others get pregnant, is the ones who do it really healthy. It's like, oh, that person didn't gain nearly as much weight as this other woman. They're running. They're doing cardio while they're pregnant. Yeah, there's a lot of that.

And it seems, at least among the people I know, there is a concerted effort of like, oh, I want to eat this and do this so my kid's healthy and give them every benefit they can, not just like, Haagen-Dazs and pickles. That wouldn't be great. I don't know. Another reason why I don't want to eat children, because it's hard to find a woman who would gestate one properly. Yeah, to your standards. To my high standards.

You meal prep for her how would I punish her if she cheated on her diet you're going to the cardio cave you ever chained to an elliptical Derek says if you're not two pounds lighter on Tuesday, honey,

I'm taking away the prenatal vitamins. I've got to play a game. Your fat ass has been spoiling your pregnancy. You clearly don't care about the baby's health, so why should I? Inside that stalk of celery is a key.

A key to get your fat ass up those stairs. That whole chain to the elliptical thing. You know they used to do that in prisons? Like a while ago? That was how they did prisons in general. It was all that. They were strapped to it. You know how they came up with the term

treadmill no it's because the uh they had prisoners walk on a mill there was a mill like with gears sort of thing like steps and it would just turn and that's what they did for a while like use them as a power source like just no they were just assholes they just forced them to do it if you're not powering something what what's the point? I thought there'd be a rock crusher. That's my favorite scene from Conan the Barbarian. In the very beginning of Conan the Barbarian, Arnold Schwarzenegger's a kid. He gets captured by

the bandits or whatever, and they lash him to this wheel where he walks in a circle forever, grinding like a flower or whatever. There's just a quick thing, and now he's just like a quick like like like um thing and now he's a grown man and he's arnold schwarzenegger and i remember as a kid being like i just don't know if that's an effective full body workout i don't i'm not buying it

he needs to like push it and turn around and pull it yeah yeah he needs to be doing like like leg stuff and like like like i don't know how he's managing it, but he came out looking good. The strongest pecs and the weakest lats. I listened to his motivational speech, and he's talking about the director of maybe it's that movie. And he was like, the director said, if there hadn't been an Arnold, we'd have had to build one because there was nothing like Arnold that existed.

I had to lose muscle just so I could swing the sword properly. I trained for weeks with sword masters. Every time he had to do something, that's what I like about that guy. I had to do it. I was already only sleeping six hours a day, so I just did it. Every step along the way, he just kind of blinded his way. Can you imagine being his sword trainer? You're like, you're going to want to lift it up and embrace for and swing at me. He's like, oh, that's one.

It was good. You pass. Yeah, you pass. Because he's like, you know, he does. Let's have you ever seen Conan the Barbarian? It's pretty boring. Like to a modern audience, I think it's it's the movie that my mom and dad went on their first date to see at the drive-in movies. They went to see Conan the Barbarian.

And I asked my mom, how was it? She's like, I don't know. I fell asleep. She didn't even make it through the movie. Fell asleep in the car. I was there. So you just bought your mom's story that they went to the drive-in movie. She had no recollection of the movie. And she was innocently sleeping.

I mean, either thing could have happened but she didn't remember the movie. It wasn't good enough to keep their attention. That I can believe, yeah. Either of those things could have happened, I suppose. Although it was a small car so yeah. How much fucking was going on at drive-ins? A lot I think. Seems like it would be

You think so? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's like like or at least some necking oh some necking yeah i don't know if it's the same you got like uh those like places they'll go and park cars and they'll just like it's like a whole community they'll go you'll take a car up with your girlfriend or something and then you just do it there there's like a area for a lover's lane like a tailgate trope is that a thing it's like a movie trope like what he said yeah oh you're going up to lookout point to fuck on prom

night like would you look out was in your neighborhood anyone here no for me no for Kyle no for Taylor Finster what was it like whatever lookout point lovers lane where you went to fuck we had one of those yeah that's why I brought it up I got one of those yeah I went with a friend bad bad choice we went we went there with a friend like we

we got food and then we just went there because it was just a good view and then we discovered five other cars they're all just steamed you know so like you and your guy friend hanging out yeah what a view there's like a fucking mini cooper rocking with a guy's ass on the window can you imagine trying to do anything in those tiny little british cars you can barely sit in those they're all pretty much the same besides like pickup trucks i guess you've got to really have like an suv or something with the where the seats lay down flat to actually have any back seats of sex in the car. Yeah. Yeah, like a big back seat

in an SUV. You could do some cowgirl stuff, but like you really need like some full down. I remember that Seinfeld episode Hoochie Mama where the van says if this van's a rockin', don't come a knockin'. And George's parents are in there.

Serenity now. Yeah, that was a good one. No, I think I've only like messed around in cars like a couple of times when I was a teenager, because I think normally there's just somewhere to go that was better than a car. Yeah. And it seems like getting caught like goofing around in a car would be super like embarrassing and stuff.

And as a guy, like after you're maybe older than 17, now you're risking some sort of sex crime. Like, just having... You're in your car with your dick out? Yeah, I was pissing in this bottle. Sex criminal! And it's just like, ah.

I think I'll hold it. Yeah, you're right. When you're an adult, it's like, oh, let's use the car to go to a home. Yeah. But as an adult man, though, there's slightly different rules. I can't talk to children. That was your dick, Lout.

I'm just wearing my bicycle shorts, all right? I don't see what the big deal is. You're wearing women's bicycle shorts and your penis is hanging. No, I don't own a bicycle. What's the point? What's the point? I got what you're't own a bicycle. But what's the point? What's the point? I got what you're wearing, a hoodie. There's no attempt to keep the hoodie and the helmet.

No, I've said it before, but when the little kids in my neighborhood are like, hey, hey, hey, I'm just like, don't look at me. I'm not allowed to talk to you. Because I know if an adult looks out their window, and my ass is in the street bent down so I can look at their little faces, and I'm trying to play along and be friendly with them it looks sketchy it looks sketchy what's that what's that man talking to those little kids for i don't know they probably waved to him nah i don't buy it i don't buy it why is he inviting them into his garage gym

one of them tried to push past my leg one day and come into my house like a like a little a little boy a little a little black boy had been like you know doing the ding dong ditch thing to my my doorbell and it was all good fun i wasn't mad at all he was very he looked eight or something like like and i like got by the door and i listened so i'd catch him i could hear his little feet uh feet on the asphalt outside and like right before he could even ring it i like yoink the door open like in his face and i was like ha ha i gotcha and he like jumped back and laughed and everything but and then he like recovered and before and i was like hey you can't be ringing my doorbell he goes what y'all doing in there and like tries to push past me

into my home like and i literally have to and like it you know he's like his head is like and I literally have to his head is like crotch level and he's bumping into me and I'm just like you gotta back up I'm like you gotta go on a five year old black kid and the news gets a little bit

I'm not afraid of him I'm afraid of how it looks for this little child to be like pushing into this felon's home in the middle of the day I don't want to be pushing into this felon's home in the middle of the day. I don't want to be part of this, dude. That is scary. I don't know what I would do. Just close the door and be like,

which house is yours? All right, I'm going to have a little conversation here. I said something like, you can't come in. You can't come in. And I think I said, I'm working. So please don't ring the doorbell. I know it's funny, but go get them over there.

They'll like it. I did something like that, you know, and like, like they didn't bother me anymore. And also there's a house across the highway. It's full of candy. You see that hornet nest.

You know what that is? Candy. It's candy. It's candy storage. Yeah. Send them to the swimming pool. Tell them under that big rubber mat they've got over the pool there's gold your kids die every year because of those mats yeah lift them up they fall in they can't find their way out uh-huh or they like to you like a parish oh Yeah, you get sucked in? There used to be those stories about people getting their assholes sucked out by the filters.

Like the pool things. But I don't... Is that real? Final Destination? I think that's just from it's always sunny in Final Destination. Zach, could you do a little research for us? When's the last time somebody's butthole got all eaten up by a pool? It has to be at least once.

At least once it has to be at least once. At least once it has to have happened. I imagine it would be the point of having a suction that powerful. It didn't happen accidentally, I bet. I bet there was someone who was like, did you know anyone in high school who tried to fuck a vacuum or anything? Yes.

Maybe someone real close to you. It was me. I thought the dude was cool. I was fine with this guy. The whole school turned their back on him when he tried to fuck a vacuum. And I was like,

I see the logic. I don't know why everyone's giving him shit. I'm still on team whatever his name was. I am too. I have definitely stuck my dick in the vacuum a time or two. I didn't get anything out of it personally. I really should have used that suction attachment and not the bottom with all the spinning.

You have it on and leaning on the ground like it's a fucking wood chipper. I set it to shag. You set it to shag and because i knew that was you know sex and it didn't work out it didn't work out at all it's you should see what i'm left with now it's very clean fucking mess down there yeah no i never i never gave that one a go stuck it right in the end of that. Like that.

I don't know. They're about this big. It was tight fit. It's the shop back or something like that. And I was like, wait a minute. Turns out getting your dick sucked is not all about suction. And I immediately was like,

all right, well, this isn't the thing. And then I think I moved on to like fucking couches or something like that. You know, like, like maybe getting the couch cush something like that. You know, like, like maybe getting the couch cushions. Yeah.

You got the couch cushions and then you maybe add like some saran wrap and what, you know, some like lube from around the house is experienced prison. Kyle talking young Kyle didn't know all this, right? Oh, I bet he did.

Yeah, absolutely. I knew that. Well, what I, what I don't like and didn't like then is like fucking dry couch cushions. It doesn't feel good. Of course not. Not knew that. Well, what I don't like and didn't like then is like fucking dry couch cushions. It doesn't feel good. Of course not.

Not into that. I like lubrication. So I definitely remember. I don't know if I used like a sandwich bag or something. There was lots of experimentation. We really wanted to fuck something. I just backed off. You're just better than me.

Yeah. I mean, this was like last year, though. So I already knew. You like to take a stroll down memory lane and fuck your couch every so often. Yeah. The couch looks at me with such shame in its eye.

Clean yourself up. That's why I got a scotch guard, you bitch. A scotch guarded little whore. After this, I'm going to spill Mexican food on you. When you're at the, like, buying a new couch, the Scotchgard protection plan, it covers cum, right? I need to be sure about

this. What about the fabric tears? From fucking? Was that the most creative? Was that the most creative thing you did, do you think, Kyle? A sandwich bag couch? Oh, you know those little

plasticky gel things? I think they're meant to be like fidget toys, but it's like inside out. They're hard to hold. They look like they'd be great to fuck, but they're terrible really why can you find the things that i know i'm describing it terribly but it's like i know exactly what it's like this little plastic clear it's tube that's been inverted tube that's like

the well done zach that's exactly it yeah you can't fuck those there you can't fuck it at all it's literally doesn't move there's no friction oh inside it just it it just it stays oh the middle stays it's hard if there's no friction there's no point that's the central rule of most sexual things see what's funny i know exactly what you're doing i thought you're trying to explain you go you know when you no no no one's kidding but yeah that would the they used to give those out at like uh chunky cheese like a bad level prize yeah they invented those and they were like what do you do with it

and some huckster was like what don't you do with it and like they just put them at sold them to anybody and everybody would take one They invented those and they were like, what do you do with it? And some huckster was like, what don't you do with it? And they just sold them to anybody and everybody would take one because there's nothing to fucking do with it. Oh, no. What you do with it is you popped it to see what color the liquid inside was. Green. I think they were good if you put them in the fridge, like maybe put over a finger injury.

That's the only thing I can even make myself believe they were good for. They were terrible. It was a horrible toy to give a bunch of children because everyone popped them. I fucked mine. Yeah. Well well you tried tried yeah that's sad you will you oh i'm glad i wanted to talk about this i'm so glad i remember this i saw a reddit uh like maybe an ask me anything or something like it wasn't asking it was a uh one of the bigger subreddits. In any case, the discussion came up of how long people were having sex. And it was like, oh, this is a perfect storm for people to tell each other what's normal about each other's bodies. And for the people who can actually fuck to be like, actually, guys, I'm not trying to brag here, but you guys aren't having sex right. You should know.

And then the people who have three-minute sex are like, that's how you're supposed to do it. There's nothing wrong with me. It hurts after four. And this is literally what's going on in the comments. There are people who have like, hour-long sex isn't an insane thing. Maybe not continuously penetrating a vagina for an hour, but with position changes and oral and foreplay, I don't have sex that a vagina for an hour but like with position changes and

oral and foreplay i don't have sex that lasts less than an hour i just don't like this isn't something i'm trying to get out of the way and for a lot of people it seems like it is it's like what you took more than three minutes like what were you doing didn't it hurt and it's like okay so lubricant exists it's not a fucking joke yeah okay that's the ice beside an approach remember when he when he said yeah yeah yeah he was like anti-lube he said yeah his girls wouldn't need it and and so you got like you had girls and guys on there on both sides of the issue and like one side was clearly trying to be nice to the other and the other side was not allowing them to be like the side who had the minute men were, there's nothing wrong with us.

Don't laugh. My wife likes two-minute sex. Then the people who actually know how to have sex were just like, no, really though. If you just lubricate the vagina, maybe not even lubrication, with some foreplay. They're teaching people how to have sex because these people don't know.

I want to weigh in. Everything Kyle's saying is right. And I'm 95% on team Kyle here. The only thing is he makes it seem like menus shouldn't have appetizers on them. Right? Sometimes when I go to a restaurant, I just get the quesadillas. You know, not everything needs to be a full four course meal with the filet mignon and the desserts and everything. Sometimes I just feel like a light meal.

Just a little slice of pie. Exactly. Yeah. No, I feel that. That's not what was being discussed, though. They were talking about, like, what is sex to you? What is your sex life? And it's like.

They were like, two minutes of mediocrity. Yeah, pretty much like people who didn't know a lot of people who thought it was painful after like a couple of minutes and like on both sides again who the men and their penises are hurting and women yeah yeah again people don't think wrong with them of course there is of course there is it it's one of those instances where like i bet a lot of them have those like awful anteater penises that don't open up enough at the end. So like just the, just a little hint of their penises poking out like a little Oscar Meyer

wiener type type situation. You know how the end of it looks like it's like that all strange trying to get out like a diglet, like a diglet. Yeah. There's a British dude right on the call. Okay. Never mind.

No, this will be fun. How many quarters can you fit in your foreskin? M&M's is the way to go, by the way. Oh, but they leave it all the rainbow colors. That's even better. Yeah, I don't know why I picked that as a weird downside. Kittle's works too, if you don't mind

the little citric acid. I was going to say, these ones that are hyper sour with the white crystals Yeah, I don't know why I picked that as a weird downside. Skittles works too, if you don't mind the little citric acid in it. I was going to say, these ones that are hyper sour with the white crystals on them. Don't do that. Quick on that. Skittles might be my favorite candy.

If Skittles had no calories, I wouldn't eat them. Hard disagree. What the hell? They're not that that bad they would never be my choice if i'm going candy i want a more chocolatey thing i typically go chocolatey i have tried sugary recently i know chocolate sugar but like you know think of like the sour patch kids and it's like you know i forgot what i was missing over here on this side of the aisle there's's some quality candy here. Yeah, great. Sour stuff. Fucking great.

Hate it. By the way, I can't go over that you don't like Skittles, Kyle. This is where our Discord DM flirting stops. You know what? You know what? I hate Starburst too. Starburst too. Both of them. No, no, no. Now you're wrong. What colors are you talking about? The red Starburst? Fine.

The red ones are not great. Pink and yellow? Are you retarded? I might hate pink the most. That's absurd. I hate that. Oh, man. I can just feel it in my mouth right now, and I want to spit it out. They're so fucking gross. They're so overly sweet, and they give me a stomachache. sweet and they give me a stomach ache. I remember always as a kid, if I ate like half a bag of Skittles, I had a stomach ache. If I ate like half a stick of Starburst, stomach ache. It's just sugar. It's pure like

sugar. That's why it's good. I know what it is. I like it. I like chocolate. I like chocolate like any of the candy bars with like peanut butter and nougat and almonds, any of that stuff. That's what I want, but I would rather just not even touch a Skittles or a Starburst. Yeah.

I like cookies more than like candies. Oh yeah. All pink. That would be good. I want to have some pink Skittles. You can slip cookies into your diet. If you do it like pre-workout, you know,

you get to get that, get that sugar rush when you go in there and there's some carbs to burn up. You have yourself a donut or something. No, but I do is I eat slow digesting cookies and I eat them around the clock. Oatmeal raisins. Oatmeal raisin, one every hour. It's for my health.

It gives me regular. No, see, it's healthy because I don't even like raisins. I'm not enjoying this. It's healthy because there's raisins. I think it's for overly sweet things because that's raisins i think i just felt like overly sweet things because that's like my favorite cookie too is like oatmeal raisin like i like that like sort of savory not overly sweet cookie i mean look don't get me wrong i'm not gonna not eat a chocolate chip cookie they're fucking delicious but if i was that white chocolate

macadamia nut from subway in particular yeah the white the white chocolate macadamia nut like those are a man of means cookie is what i feel they try to make you feel that way the macadamia is the most expensive of nuts yeah and it's worth it because once they you know i don't think i've ever had them outside of just eating them in cookies but in the cookie they have a perfect texture they go so well with those white chocolate chips yeah i think i had some ice cream once that had macadamia nuts in it yeah something like that and i could go for a cookie i'm gonna see if there's one of those cookie delivery places around me you know what you want though like like i've never even had one and i grew up for like people that are like roughly our age remember at the mall when they had those cookie stands and they had the giant plate shaped like a whole plate of cookie and the whole place stunk of it.

Like you couldn't walk past like lids without smelling those gigantic 16 inch cookies. They were so good. I've never had one. I never had one. Like it was one of those things that we'd walk past and be like can i have it and no no we're not stopping to get you a gigantic cookie no we're here for school clothes isn't isn't that the best bit of adulthood those those dessert places they ship those like warm cookie dough as well in like just a pan like they are like that big or so

just oh sounds delish 5 000 calories of fucking order, man. They're so good. So good. Sugar and butter. Oh, they, you know, Skittles. I read somewhere. I'm not sure if it's true. But like, they're apparently literally the worst food for you that's manufactured or something.

Like the refined, like there's some refined sugary thing in it or whatever that makes it that pinnacle of it's just like three different forms of refined sugar yeah right where it's like oh the outside that's a layer of refined sugar on the inside a slightly softer bit of heart of processed sugar and then in the center a nice semi-gooey uh processed sugar like that you've seen that sam hyde joke from many years ago where he's like disrupting people at a cbs playing with candy and he's like joking about what he's gonna get he's like sad fuck all this sometimes i just get a big bag of sugar

i like uh i like chocolate chip cookies. I like... But it's got to be the oatmeal raisin one, I think. I think that's my favorite. And now that you mention it, like now that I am an adult, maybe I should get myself one of those giant cookies. I never got one as a child.

Yeah. Fulfill that like... Yeah. That's the whole... You grew up with the whole... I'm also going to go back to the fucking arcade. You know that machine where the little shelf goes shelf goes closer close with that big wall of quarters i'm gonna shake the piss out of that bitch i'm getting all that money i can tip it now

you know if you try to tip it an alarm goes off i learned that at chucky cheese at like 11 thought i was the first kid to body check that thing. No. And those 16 year old employees, they come running like you broke into a bank vault. I mean there's a lot of money in those things. And it's always right on the edge of falling. There's a couple hundred dollars worth of quarters in there.

Taylor just made out with fucking $13.25 worth of stuff. That'd be a big deal as a kid. A roll of quarters was all I needed to run the arcade for hours. And at Chuck stuff. That'd be a big deal as a kid. Like a roll of quarters was all I needed to like run the arcade for hours. And at Chuck E. Cheese, like you still needed tokens. You still needed quarters. Like you didn't have your little fucking Demon Busters pass. And so you basically had to wait in line and be like,

I'm not going to be like all the other retards at this birthday party. I'm saving up for the Jurassic Park game where you sit in the van and it gyrates and it moves and you have the guns and you shoot the pterodactyls and everything. And then you just play that pretty much the whole time. Everybody else wasting time on. I think it was a Terminator two game where you had like sort of an Uzi type thing and the Uzi would like vibrate and stuff while you were,

you were killing. It was really fun. Have you played into a crisis? Yeah. Oh my God. That's everywhere. Have you been to like an arcade bar like those for like adults you haven't a couple of those yeah yeah oh they're great they're so

great you you do need to get real you can't just casually drink there though you gotta get in like drunk to the childlike state that you used to be you know to go and fuck around there i have been to a couple of those i've been to one where it was like an arcade and I didn't like it as much. And there was another one where they had a whole level. It was in the city of St. Louis. I don't know if it's still there. But you could go there and take these little culverts, these cutouts, and each one had a GameCube, an N64,

all the old systems, like the Sega Genesis, and you could play those with your friends, which was fun. Except, you know how like Sega controllers and N64 controllers got ruined when you used them carefully within your own home. Like imagine like drunk people doing it. Like there was no,

wherever you move that middle part, if your character is not going there, that's a joke. That's not going to happen. And I'm not going to bring my own fucking satchel of, of controllers, like a lunatic there. to bring my own fucking satchel of controllers like a lunatic there. Not that I have a satchel of controllers to bring.

It's a different kind of game, but you ever have any bad experiences with those punch strength measuring things? You know, you go up and punch the thing and it's like, ah, you're Hercules or whatever. Yeah, I don't think I've ever done one of those. I did one. I got very embarrassed very quickly.

You quickly realize that hitting something like that, if you don't punch things on a regular basis, that punching things is hard. And also, you can really injure yourself. I saw a gif a while back of some guy breaking his hand. He missed and hit the fucking wall or the the machine just crushed his fucking because he gave everything he had it's like a concrete wall and uh but the last one i hit i hurt myself like i was in austin texas at a bar and i tried to hit one and like it hurt like i don't mean like my hand hitting it hurt

i just meant like the weird like resistance that it provides is not like i didn't know what it was gonna do it i hurt myself hitting it that's been like did you get a good score oh i was so drunk i barely remember the night i have no idea um it i vomited that whole night like for hours and hours i spent the night in the bathroom that night that sucks that's a horrible situation to be in when you're like too drunk sick drunk and you're like this is all my fault and that was all self-induced what were you doing yeah and like like it was the nicest bathroom i may have ever been in um in that fucking suite that i had paid for and and and spent the spent all night in there vomiting it was was a good time. So before Woody returns,

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I guarantee it. I don't think we've talked publicly about my idea for the Lock and Load mascot. Now, I just want to say that I've ran the idea for the mascot past both these guys, and they both, they didn't even chuckle.

They didn't think it was funny. Because it wasn't on theme. Frank, I know it's not on theme, but I still think it's funny. So basically, it's a it's a sperm. OK, and he's wearing he's he's got some big buck teeth and he's got some some round glasses and he's flying a Japanese zero. And he's the kamikaze. OK, he's the kamikaze because, you you know kamikaze and come and we spell it like

come and and i just like you didn't mention the buck teeth before i did every time they are so important to me okay well then i missed that earlier the buck teeth they're gonna carry it or those like uh you. Or those glasses that Jackie Gleason wore. That's exactly what I'm... Remember, is it Breakfast at Tiffany's? Yeah.

Rooney or whatever. He's doing that character. That's what I'm looking for as our mascot. But a sperm cell. What are individual sperm cells called? Spermazoids? Spermatazoa. No. Sperms. sperm cell what what are sperm individual sperm cells called spermazoids spermatozoa no sperms a sperm i'm gonna use spermazoid because it sounds kind of like uh zoidberg from uh and i and i like that that's how the and that's kind of how the kamikaze

are you planning on doing ads? Why do you need a mascot? Yeah. TV on the bottle. I was just having some cereal the other day and there's that fucking tiger that tiger on the side of the box and I was just like you could have the kamikaze on the side of the bottle.

That's all I'm saying. Or maybe some shirts with the kamikaze on them. You know an even an even easier one is we just... I actually don't mind that. The longer you stare at it, the better it gets.

I mean, we do have a tank on the container. But I liked your Tony the Tiger example. We do have a tank on the container. How subtle it is. Zach, can you zoom in on what but but instead of general mills we'd be general mills like why is there a tank under there because we support ukraine because it's locked and loaded yes it's locked and loaded and honestly the reason there's a tank on there

is because the bombs and guns don't go over too well, unfortunately, in products anymore. Initially, it was supposed to be nukes. But nobody... We were going to have a holocaust happening in the background. I didn't even know there was a tank on there. It's so subtle. If you had told me, honestly, the reason there's a

tank on there is we got a deal on labels and they already had tanks. No, we wanted something that was locked and loaded. It was like, guns? It's like, yeah, let's put an AR-15 on the bottle. That'll go over well. Bombs? And it's like, well, didn't somebody just blow something up?

It's like tanks. Nobody's worried about tanks. No one is worried about tanks. They're fine. And then a war came out. Tanks are cool. Everybody we could fly and then it's not a russian tank or anything that's clearly an american tank god you picked a good fucking time to dip out of the fps russia persona oh we're not flown up to oh i see i i talked about this the other day i i think that like dimitri would be uh pro ukrainian i think now if i had my way that's how i would like do it but if i had my druthers he would be 100 pro russian because like that was one of the ways like early on that was one of the ways that i trolled people to try to get like more viewership i was like it's great to

like make the best content you have and have people enjoy that content but if you can have like some people who just despise you for a silly reason that's great too like you don't want them to actually hate you for you but if you but but like if you do something silly that they hate that's perfect so like my my whole youtube background was like stalin and the soviet flag and the comments would be like he killed 20 million of my countrymen he's worse than hitler you know thing. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, just Soviet Union shirt. It's great. I liked it when you

trolled the guns. It started as a Call of Duty player, FPS Russia, and you would only use Russian guns. You would make fun of these American plastic toys. That worked for me. I remember that. Yeah, the dual-com with you guys where you're like,

I noticed you're using the AK. Why not the M6? Because it was actually a commentary about Call of Duty at the time. Like, why not use the M16? Because it is gay or whatever the fuck you said. Yeah. Probably something awful like that. Yeah.

No, but I mean, if it happened and you were still fps russia you would have to i mean you would lose your channel if you did but like you think if you had some sort of like immunity just leaning into it and pretending to be pro-russia would be the character you know you could like that would be what dimitri actually did yeah you could you get that trolling that um issue would be like i don't think you get away with it but for obvious reasons it's a it's pretty sensitive thing you know there's women and children being murdered and genocided over there so not the best thing to

take make light of however that's exactly what that character would need to do with a scenario like that unfortunately I mean I was always doing that right like when Osama bin Laden got killed I immediately bought an Osama bin Laden poster and made the title of video Osama bin Laden shot so that I immediately bought an Osama bin Laden poster and made the title of video. Oh, some have been Laden shot so that I fit in with like NBC and CBN and Vox

news and everybody else's. And of course I use the closeup of my target, which is like his like Interpol photograph, you know, so it's pretty official. And like, but the thing about it was you didn't show up and you're going like, you're like,

ah, fuck this nonsense. It was a trick. You're like, wait, what is this? like wait what is this wait what is this that was generally like what i was going for there's a good uh there's a good there was a thing happening a good conversation happening because that's really fucking smart there's a few youtubers and streamers and stuff like mr beast was one of them that was talking about how there's no luck in social media like i like no luck huh yeah like how much of it do you think is like a luck thing versus just talent strategy

sort of thing timing is big timing is big but um you know striking while the iron is hot it's not it doesn't get hot often uh for your particular brand of uh uh laundry let's just keep keep it going that way um but but when like you have a moment where you can do a thing and do it, you do have to have some timing. But yeah, I agree. I don't know about luck in general. There are some things that just fall into your lap. But those things happen because you were there at the time because you were working toward already doing it. It's rare that you're just sitting in your room with your thumb up your ass and someone's like hey would you like a million dollars johnny like no you're probably already grinding in that realm and impressing yourself

upon people and they chose you because of what you do i i get the timing part right i once had a question on like a i used to do this thing where at Feedback Friday or something where I answered Twitter questions. And they asked me who would still be popular on YouTube if everyone lost all their subs and had to start from that day. And I read into it with this, Woody, you wouldn't be one of them. You're only popular on YouTube because you started it before everyone else. You had this first mover advantage. And I kind of disagreed. I likened it to the NBA, right? If every NBA player got kicked out right now

and they were to start again and just make the teams from scratch, I believe 95% of those people would get their jobs back. You know, and maybe not the same team, but they'd hire from the same base of people. Those are the people who are the best at basketball. There aren't a ton of people outside the NBA who are better than the ones in it. Why did I do well on YouTube back in the day? Well, shit, I uploaded

every day and then twice every day for years and years in a row. That counts for a lot. Were my videos the best? Probably not. Probably someone made better videos than me. But anytime you opened your channel or your browser, there was something else to see from me and I could keep you interested. There weren't lots of gaps. That meant a lot. It's part of why Casey Neistat used to give that advice to bloggers, like upload every day. And they're like five days a week.

He's like, no, every day, every day is how you, every day you grind every day you work. And people would go from like three days a week or five days a week to seven and explode. There's something to be said for that yeah when i get into someone i i exhaust their catalog and now i'm waiting you got me waiting now dude like what are you doing and it's easy to like

lose touch with that guy if he's not coming out every day um i like red letter media they might be the my the youtube channel i'm most loyal to as far as like as soon as they upload a video i'm watching it man i wish they did more than one video a week or sometimes two weeks and i'm like come on i want more and more all the time if there was a video every day i'd watch it there's it there's the algorithm changed over the years though i like some sometimes you can just get channels that like there's a channel that i've got that i i've uploaded like four videos on and there's a year gap between them they do well every time they do like over a million views or so it's just like the algorithm it depends on what style your content is if you're just farming like uh watch time it can work now like uh there's a couple different like if it wasn't like that then animators would just get fucked like those people that spend months on videos and they're like three minutes long

yeah back in the day it was like that too um epic rap battles was a good example you know they would have a season but they couldn't upload every day you know they would upload what like 12 videos a year 20 videos a year and and that was it but they were still wildly successful every video got like 30 to 80 million views which yeah was even more back then than it is now um a very high effort for what was on youtube at the time yeah costumes and effects and backgrounds like social media isn't luck mostly of course is it there's uh you know they up here hide your wife hide your kids they rape and people like that guy. There's some luck here and there, but Mr. Beast wasn't luck. Mr. Beast grinded and grinded.

Well, to be fair, Antoine Dodson didn't do shit, but be weird in front of a camera. It was Schmoyo or whatever that YouTube channel was, who were grinders, who did work hard every day. They songified his little news clip and made him a famous person. You ever meet that guy, Anton Dodson? How did you meet him? VidCon, LA.

Did he carry on making stuff after that? He carried on selling t-shirts. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's mostly not luck. I agree with Mr. Beast. It's mostly guys who are out there grinding, out there working very diligently and intentionally, even on social media.

People think it's luck that you just explode by accident. Probably not. Yeah, I think that, I don't know. I think good things happen. Lucky things happen when you're there, when you're there doing the thing. I've made a lot of, like I was talking to my dad about um some shots he was talking about like i saw you do a thing one time with the gun that was like this and he was he was telling some story from my childhood

something i'd done with a gun and uh and i was like yeah but i took a lot of shots like like nobody else tries to do that like if you i tried it a lot and sometimes it worked like the reason that it seems so crazy is that nobody even tries so like being there and trying that's how you get lucky things to happen what's that michael scott quote michael scott quoting wayne gretzky you miss all the shots you don't take michael scott wayne gretzky yeah this guy antoine dod, I'm reading his Wikipedia. This guy had quite the journey. In an online Q&A with fans, he answered questions regarding his sexuality.

Am I bisexual? No. Gay? Yes. In an interview with CBS, Dodson told Shira Lazar that he had been a rape victim in the past. In May 2013, Dodson announced through Facebook that he had become a black Hebrew Israelite and is no longer into homosexuality and he wants a wife and family. Dodson and his wife announced her pregnancy in September. In May 2014, they had a son. Dodson drew criticism shortly after

when discussing the possibility of his son being gay. Although professing support, he included the phrase, if he couldn't be fixed. In 2015, he posted a video apologizing to the LGBT community. In an interview in April 2018 with BET, Dodds himself identified as a bisexual man saying, I don't know what the fuck's gonna hold for me.

And so this guy's been all over the board. Jesus. Oh my God. I guess Yahweh let him down must have must have he pivoted into the black hebrew is light and then back out of it usually you're just in for life right like i don't see a lot of people dabbling in the black israelite uh no if you if you watch the videos of those guys like in new york city they are aggressive like they will just start yelling at people we talked about that clip haven't we where like the the black hebrew israelite was

just yelling at this jewish guy in the middle of the street in new york like the holocaust that ain't real that ain't real you believe that and the jewish guy's like what the fuck he's like just walking what are you talking about he's like they're berating him and it's like oh my god that's that is menacing like why would you do that to someone oh i just thought of a great video idea for you fenster so um i i've been i've been watching these videos did that spur it video it's uh from the lights yeah well you're talking about uh uh on the street harassment and so i i jumped over to another video i saw where like a girl wears like i don't know jeans and like just a top and she walks down the street with a hidden camera to see how many men like

like hit on her and like say like like oh hey there hot cheeks or you're looking beautiful today that's the most common one that's the nice guy thing looking beautiful today you know something like that and uh that'd be cool. Yeah, right. I would love to see that with you just walking down the street and like have your buddy like in front of you look up camera in their backpack facing straight backwards, you know, so you get like the head on of you walking and and then like see if guys flirt with you. I want that.

The difference is I'm again, I know I joke that I'm five nine, but like five nine still sort of average height. Well, I look like this. That's kind of out of range for like woman, I know I joke that I'm 5'9", but 5'9", still sort of average height. While I look like this, that's kind of out of range for women, I guess. So I'm a, you know, I don't know. You fancy yourself unattainable. Yes. I've done walking streams out before,

and I think every single time someone said something. So it's, I guess, semi-common. I had one, like a guy like beeped this horn at me like as I was crossing and all that stuff. And then I, but every time I do follow it up, I'm like, oh, thank you, man. You know, thanks, bro. And they go, oh, drive off.

I saw, was it a mega clip or something? It was one of those sites like that where I saw you bump into another guy who's doing exactly what you're doing. You both look at each other and I think it's you you go Yeah, that guy's called Matt he can do all I think I told you this girl is scary good exactly He can do this perfect fucking like woman. It's like a way back here. It's really cute It's like I can't do anything close to what he could do i don't know maybe a little bit but his is perfect yeah you wouldn't

think it would like he could do one of those things where like if you didn't see his mouth move you'd think someone else was in the room like you wouldn't think it came from him yeah he's so fucking good at that but that clip got hundreds of millions of views. Like it was everywhere. So on the front page of every on, on Reddit, on nine gag, I funny, all that. It was just got on Tik TOK.

It's on Tik TOK. It's got like 70 million views on one person's upload. And then that was a semi plan. We both were like, I'm on them because we knew each other beforehand, roughly, but we both went like, I'm on a Meggle.

I was like, okay, cool. And we didn't know if we were going to see each other but then. Oh so that was semi planned. You pulled the curtain back a little bit. That's funny. Yeah.

It's still such a good moment because neither of us knew what we were going to say and he opened it up with like I was quiet going like you know we're going to say something and he went why are you so fucking ugly? Meanwhile he was clearly the worst looking of the two. He was much better looking than him.

He was self-conscious about it. Yeah. He's got to work on that voice, though. That's why he leans on the voice. That's so funny. He's like an eSports guy. A proper gamer. He plays Fortnite. I love this thing somewhat about him he's um he would very clearly rather be doing fortnite gaming he's doing he's talking

about it but like he got he could do a girl voice and then the natural like progression as i said this is a downward spiral i put on a little bit of makeup one day and now i'm fucking in ariana grande's outfit Yeah, the same thing like it was just he could do a girl voice He was trolling people on fortnight, and then it like he's like I put on a wig next I'm gonna make will do it and now that's what he does yeah Natural career path so so had is there fanfiction Yes, I asked if I there's There's tons of fan fiction.

There's a lot of... Do you know what a cum tribute is? Yeah. I'm very familiar. We're in the GS biz. We're familiar. All right. So I heard...

I think I was listening to this or something else, but it might have been like Joe Rook. Someone was talking about a cum tribute that I was listening to. And I went like, I mean, there's got to be one of me. There's got to be one of me there's got to be one of me someone's got to have done it once i was a bit of an ego thing i guess someone's got to have done it once so i go and look for it and there are where there are forums specifically dedicated to it and i find i find a couple i find a couple in

this forum thread and then i see like that side scroll bar is really small Thread goes down after three hours. I just had to stop looking Were you looking at yourself like critically where you're like, well, why would they Oh no. No, it's not you. Oh, look at that. This gets weirder the more you look at it. Oh yeah. The fact that there's a condom present is a little confusing.

Is that a condom or a ribbon? It looks like a ribbon from the bag. What? I'm guessing it was to hold the bag on the head. Oh, it's just the handle of the bag. It's one of those sparkly handles. Yeah. Well, in any case.

Yeah, everybody wants to see that. That's my picture, by the way. The only way I can finish. That's the only way I can finish. I wish the audience could see it now. You can only get off by coming on a photo of your own face.

The guy from fucking America. Stick with me. I'm a little kinky. That's hilarious. Now, I remember that was a thing for a bit. People tweeted pictures of me with that all over. I think I asked for it. Man, you must have just ruined your own gasm by having to look at my fat

ugly face. No, we literally asked for Calm Tributes. I think specifically for Lock and Load, but maybe not. But we love you guys' Calm Tributes. We want as many as we can get all day, every day. I've had some. It's an honor. Only good some. It's an honor. It's an honor. If you look at it

and you know it's not your best performance, don't use that one. Here's a little tip. If you use a mirror, put the picture on a mirror, you'll be able to see every little fleck of jism. Maybe you came on a towel. Dude, I'm going to only be able to see the largest of globules then.

Even if they are incredibly pearlescent from your lock and load supplementation. But if you use a mirror, I'm going to be able to really tell that you meant it. That you meant it. What point does that become weird? I want to see more. When they start showing up in the mail, I guess. Today, someone sent me a ring to my actual address, a wedding ring. Oh, what are you going to say?

What the fuck? He knows my address. I'm leaving. I'm moving. Well, he's going to need to if you guys. Yeah. You're in trouble. 650 square feet. You'll need more going to need to if you guys... You're in trouble. You'll need more room for the two of you.

He's going to have no trouble finding your hiding spots in that little house. Where could he be? In the room? Or the bathroom? Might be that curtain over there with the bunny ears on. Let's just poke him out like this.

There seems to be a tall woman in here and he's i've got a house rule that everyone's got to try on these like i can get them but like they're these giant pair of heels so everyone that has ever stepped foot into my house has tried these on and tried walking with them because i can't they're so tall that i'm good at walking in heels i can walk in five inch heels easy i can sprint in five inch heels i can't take a step in these. They're like 9 inches. So your foot's almost like that. Have you given any thought to competing in any sort of

female athletic competitions? I'm definitely not allowed. Yeah, you can come to America. You just want to win the Olympics. They're not open-minded like that over there? No. Well, you don come to America. You just want to win the Olympics. They're not open-minded like that over there? No. I'm everything. What, you don't have freedom?

I'm everything, dude. I haven't taken any pills, and I haven't done any surgeries. I'm fully dude. I wake up, you put the makeup on. None of that matters. You can just be a girl. I think it matters. What matters is, what are you feeling more at this

very moment while i'm writing it on this paper ma'am i'm feeling girly and you're in welcome to ladies boxing you gotta you gotta do so many tests in order for that to fucking work out you can't just be like ah yeah i'll be here now i'm wearing i'm showed up wearing my skirt i can come compete i don't think that's how that works. I think they're going to let you compete in a skirt. In what? Unless it's a skirt. It's athletic wear.

Are you kidding? Mm-hmm. Bikini. There's some stuff that like, aren't women just like way better at biologics or something? Like golf is a weird one like that. Like you don't actually need. Women are not better at golf.

Well, there's something on that. By a long shot. They're pretty good at a couple different kinds of gymnastics that require, like that but you don't actually need women are not better at golf um by a long shot uh they're pretty good at a couple different kinds of gymnastics that require um yeah it's hip flexibility in particular that women have over men um it's part of childbearing um and um and there's a couple other things we looked into it like like the sports that women can just do things men can't but even in figure skating like the the most women can only do like and i'm wrong

about the number but it's like three rotations when whereas men can do four or five um like every like conceivable way to like track performance in like all the sports it seems like you know the bigger stronger faster the bigger stronger faster people sure if we're talking about figure skating gymnastics ice hockey whatever hockey, whatever. What about pool? What about chess? You would think that, but they have women's leagues in chess because

they can't compete in the men's leagues with all those 60-year-old Russians who live, breathe, and die chess. Why? You know League of Legends, the game? Yes. The video games. Yeah. know League of Legends, the game? Yes. The video games. Yeah.

Yeah. So League of Legends is like, there's not even like a women's team. They're like, there's not a single woman in any of the pro stuff. So it kind of just, and there's no reason why they shouldn't be either. It's one of those like sort of chess, like there's just, biologically there's no reason why. It's just how like what people are into it. You you it's the same sort of thing it's like you can't say ah women are dumb because they don't know how to play chess as good as men because then you're doing the

whole thing of like you remember the whole like pay gap thing where like oh people make different choices yeah men make different choices they're into fucking league of legends and chess and nerdy shit like that women aren't but there are women who are though there are women who make it their life's goal to be chess grandmasters, and they fall in sport time and time again. There's a lot more men willing to do that, though. It's my observation that there are more guys

who get deep, deep, deep into shit, who just get obsessed over a thing. That thing can be chess, that thing can be sports, that thing can be whatever. And I just don't see women putting their sometimes but there aren't as many women who put their full everything into it and it shrinks their talent pool yeah i think i think that female and male brains probably work a little bit different and especially specifically with problem solving things like chess um i would imagine that there's probably if you told me there was a board game that women were just way better than

because they can... I can think of things that women are better at, like SAT and ACT scores, grades in high school. These are things that women beat men in. It's not like they're stupid. They're less likely to get disciplined through every level of education. Women are better at sitting

still and doing what they're told. I don't think that's because they're being disciplined differently for the same behavior i think they just get into fewer fights they just get into they just better at uh i don't know staying in between the lines better at reading the room socially and doing the approved thing whereas boys are like like running around with the lighters yeah did you ever do this in high school or any school you think where you take a gum wrapper you Whereas boys are like, like running around with a lighter. Yeah. Did you ever do this in high school or any school? You think where you take a gum wrapper,

you put one end and the fucking socket on the wall and then you bend it. So the other end is pointed toward the other slit in the socket. And then you kick that bitch in. No. Did it just short the entire thing and start a fire? What would it do? I'm so tempted to do it in my fucking home. Do it in your house.

It's terrible. A fork where you just make the two. Yeah, if you want. Then you get electrocuted, right? And it's a fork. It's heavy metal. So it could, it'll hold that current. A gum wrapper is thin aluminum foil, thinner than regular aluminum foil.

So it explodes with this quick blue flash. It goes pop. And it won't flip the breaker in my experience i'm sure it can um but but but like that's the worst of it because you kick it with your rubber sole you're not grabbing onto it you're not burned but it is a big pop and a flash of blue lightning that you can create in any classroom or anywhere you want really we did it all the time yeah kids go do that i'd love to see you try. I mean, if you want them to, Finster, but I think it's very dangerous and no children should try

this. But if that's what you want... I condone it. You can put on my name and quote me, Finster condones. They're going to try you as a man, you know. You're not weaseling your way out of this one. Oh, fuck. Oh, and you'll be quite

a treat. You're going gonna be going to the same barber as woody before that stint in prison like make me look terrible line me up square me up yeah oh i can't wait until like there's a part of me that like really um uh what's it called really likes the idea of when i when i do stop doing this like going full like get a buzz cut you know shit like that really really go the idea of when I do stop doing this, get a buzz cut, really go the complete opposite direction as soon as I'm ready to retire. Yeah. Become

beyond normal levels of masculine. Like absurd beard. What are masculine things? You are always armed. Yeah. You have like a cool you always have brass knuckles on something it's defeated by the chew tobacco that's that's gross it's gross and it's manly you don't see almost i've only ever seen one woman one woman chew tobacco when i saw when i uh like

worked at that movie rental store when i was 18 or whatever, the girl that worked with me was cute and maybe three years older. She chewed, I think, Copenhagen. I think she dipped. That's ridiculous. Because after work, we'd be like, I don't know, there was busy work to do, like getting the returns in and everything. And she'd be dipping into a fucking Mountain Dew bottle while we counted the money. That's what it was. We were counting the money.

That's disgusting. Anyone using dip is bad. Just like you could start smoking cigars. That's manly, and it's less gross than dip. Cigars are still pretty gross. I don't see the appeal. Every time I've tried and had somebody give me a cigar, I always go into it optimistic,

like trying to enjoy it the correct way. Never. Never works out. I agree with everything you said, except as a secondhand smoker, cigars might be my favorite. They do smell the best for sure. Depends on the cigar. I've played poker with inconsiderate pieces of shit who have like, it smells like a diaper is like smoldering. That's gross. It smells like a diaper is smoldering.

That's gross. And they're chawing on it, so it's all unraveling in your mouth. It's just disgusting. I would much prefer a cigarette or dip or chew. I grew up with people that chew. Because my cousin and my uncle, they chew. My dad's never been into that stuff. But both that Levi Garrett chewing tobacco that you grab a little pinch of that's the the long yeah shavings but also you know dip fucking copenhagen and skull and that stuff like that's the cool thing to do if you're around here that's not

fucking worth it man the masculinity gained isn't worth it it's completely dude it's it's completely offset the uh the whole like do all this masculine stuff it's completely offset. The whole, like, do all this masculine stuff. It's completely offset by the fact that I've now just developed feminine hobbies now. Or at least I've developed, like, tastes to it. Like, there's some stuff that I don't mind about this. Like, weirdly enough, these acrylic nails, great. You know what? The amount of shit, the amount of times I've, like, knocked something on my nail and then got that weird bruise on the nail.

These things are like a protective shield. I am completely now against armpit and ass hair and shit and back. There's no reason for armpit and ass hair to exist. Doesn't armpit hair work as a lubricant? I don't care. You don't need it. I don't care.

If you live without, it's one of those things that you're okay with it because you're used to it now. You live without that shit for like two, three months, you'll start shoving that as soon as it comes down. I run my beard trimmer up there. Just get it off. Yeah.

It's quick. The Phillips OneBlade, dude. That shit's great. That's what I use. Yeah. Are you going to keep doing your legs once you're all done with it, though? Because that seems like a huge bitch of a task.

That's what I use. The Phillips OneBlade. Yeah. It does not get clogged. That's what I used. The Phillips one blade. Yeah. It does not get clogged. That's not magic trick. I had a different one and it, it is possible to clog it. I didn't like it.

It's not the one, this thing. It just, it's, it's, I don't know. It's like a hedge trimmer. Dude,

I've had a manscape sponsorship before and they do like the thing. I don't know if you know about them. I don't use that stuff. It's not as good? No, the Philips OneBlade. I like their nose trimmer, but the OneBlade is, yeah, that shit's awesome. You could, it's like, it gives you the effect of like

the day after you shave with the razor, at least for me. Yeah. Like the, yeah, day after you shave with the razor, that's what you get with a Philips OneBlade. They're great. The, I might, huh? I ordered the one blade thing just now the the norelco one blade it's like a little green thing yeah yeah that's the one yeah they're good i think i think bucks i i continue to shave my legs before i get bored of it a different effect than armpit

hair is though why don't you use uh depilatory clean uh depilatory cream doesn't that shit like if you do it wrong i don't know it takes equally as long i'm good at shaving though i'm not i'm not afraid of that fair and i don't want to like with the with isn't that the sort of thing you need to like suit to the area you can't put the regular one everywhere like an asshole dude they make a sensitive skin mode but you just want to set that five minute timer. This isn't cookies, okay? You go to six and we're in trouble. It takes a couple treatments. Maybe seven minutes is what does it,

but two separate five minute treatments will not ruin your life, but one seven minute treatment will dissolve most of your butthole so uh so you gotta you gotta walk a fine line terrible trade-off yeah i use that nair stuff i put on like gloves before i use it and i put it anywhere i want the hair to go away and i like i jump in the shower get wet and then i rub it where i want the hair to go away from take the gloves off and then like

my timer's set i go about doing out anything else i need to do in the bathroom like like brushing my teeth and stuff before i get in the shower and then rinse it off as fast as i can because i'm now melting no no you know it's more masculine you leave all that my asshole have you ever seen the movie platoon yeah it's like a thicket a forest of jungle jungle stuff the humidity down there alone i've you. I've got Viet Cong hiding out. You've got a punchy pit in your asshole. I've got one of those guys who refuses to acknowledge the war's been over for 15 years.

In my ass. You smoke an opium out of a shotgun barrel. Get out of there! I'm not going to fall for your American trick. Dude, that ass hair I'm not going to fall for your American trick Dude Ass hair has an interesting effect of it being Like a silencer for your Farts Now forevermore it's going to be like

You're farting on one of those school desks You can't sneak one out It pops and squeaks you can wear a thong I've heard that works as a silencer or a butt plug I wish they made a butt plug that had like a valve

like a button you can press can you fart around a butt plug i'm sure only one way to find out on uh on impractical jokers they had a bit where they're like product testing and one of the guys had a butt plug that made your turned your farts into pleasant noises so every time you farted it was like a bird going i knew someone in this reminded me of two different fart stories from school but there's this I was we were sitting on this hard tile floor seventh grade so we're like 13 whatever it is and I'm sitting with my buddy and he's we're both sitting down and he's like I gotta fart so bad and I'm like okay and he's like five more minutes go by he's like, five more minutes go by. He's like, I can't hold this.

I'm like, okay, whatever. Then a few more minutes and he goes, listen to this. And he was going to do like a silent fart to show that he could, but it hit like dropping marbles onto a tin roof, like verberating off of the tile, just like that level of fart, like quick pitter patter, very funny stuff. And I remember like being mortified, like, Oh, I'm close enough to him. People are going to think I farted and I'm 12 or 13. So I have no confidence. And so I just sold him down the river. I like scooted away

on the tile floor and I was like, Oh, just, just sold him away. Oh man i and there's this other kid i remember him and i think it was that same math class that i would cheat in sometimes that he was like proud like high on himself like if you want to fart in class you just cough at the same time and he thought that was brilliant and one day he went and then it goes and it was like two seconds of miss and it was so funny because all he did was draw all the attention to himself.

And then he farted and that like I was laughing like all week at that. That was so funny. Such a stupid thing. I had a friend who did the same thing, except he would try to like, he'd be like, Woody, I'm going to cough. Cough with me.

Cover it with me. I'm not going to get on your schemes. Covering fire. Suppressive fire. Cover me. That's hilarious. The stupid thing. I remember like being young, like in middle school or whatever.

And like if I had to take a shit at school or something, I'd go in there and be like, I don't want people to know that I poop and like try and be quiet about it. And it wasn't until like like later that i became like a true alpha pooper where like when i go in there i'm making noise i'm doing what i gotta do like i just fire it all out you know people will respect you i think and i have i have a friend who used to troll people in the bathroom like this is he would if he saw someone was shitting in the high school bathroom he he would if he saw someone was shitting in the high school bathroom he would like take forever in there so they're just like holding their shit and he would tell me like all the time he did this and he's like and then what i do so i

walk over i flush a urinal then i go turn on the faucet and then i go open the creaky door and then i let it close and then I always hear them go, oh. And then I go over and I go, oh, I heard you. I heard you. I heard you pooping. And I'm like, you still don't know who it is. Like, who are you owning? Like, other than just making someone self-conscious about shitting. Yeah.

How are you guys? In your pooping. I try to be quiet, um i don't totally hide and run from it like it look i'm a mammal we do these things but uh but i also don't ideally no one knows i'm there yeah no there's a there's a there's a narrative i don't like about school shitters oh i i was a school shitter I'd shit at school. I'd do it. There's something that people have against it, but I don't know. Kyle is not a school shitter. He would hold it until

he got home. I think I remember that. Finn and I were both school shitters. I've only shat at school one time I know for sure. But I had had a panic attack. What do you mean for sure? I remember specifically because when you have a panic attack. I mean, for sure. Well, I remember specifically because

when you have a panic attack, you need to shit pretty soon after, and I'd had a panic attack, and I was like, all right, well, today we're shitting. It makes your bowels turn to liquid. It's like diarrhea's coming. Yeah. Look at this stupidest

thing I've bought in recent memory. Is that that really expensive water? Yep. I don't even like seltzer water. It's not seltzer water. It's mountain water. It's just water?

It's just water. From a can. It must taste a little canny. Well, cans have plastic on the inside. Why is it called liquid death? What's cool about it well because it hope that light's not too bright i need to read this uh it's weird text when a group of teenagers set off into the mountains for a weekend of drinking regular water and plastic

bottles they became they became hunted by an aluminum can of mountain water that was dead set on murdering their thirsts and recycling their souls. Once cracked open, no thirst is safe from liquid death. After ritually dismembering... It goes on like this for another paragraph. After ritually dismembering... There's no way it says after ritually dismembering. That would be hilarious.

Oh, it does say murder alone. After ritually dismembering its thirst victims, this brutal can of water used the severed body parts of dead thirst to build itself a flesh suit, which it used as a disguise to get a job in marketing. But liquid death never took the job. It just

murdered a bunch more thirst instead. What the fuck? Dude, this is really expensive for water. A 12-pack of what you're drinking is 15 for water which i saw it it looked cool and i wanted it and it was 17 just so we're being and they're tall boys you know so yeah they're tall boys no i mean was it worth it will you be a liquid death guy no i wanted one case of them because i think they're a conversation piece and i literally thought we'd have this little

fun here and also like i drink a lot of water so it's like why not it'll make me drink more water because it's silly and i was let me ask you this kyle does it make you more aggressive little things like that do work for me mentally like Like that, what's the effect I'm looking for? Placebo? Placebo effect. Like the placebo effect is incredibly effective. And even if I know, like in the back of my head, that I'm allowing myself to like partake in the placebo effect,

I still think it's effective to some extent to like make you feel better or perform better at things. I have a relatable story. So someone in my family has COVID and, uh, like they tested positive. They have COVID and we, we knew they were sick and it was like,

eh. And then the instant they tested positive, I'm like, ah, I've got kind of a headache and I'm fatigued that. And, uh, now another one, Alan is the other one uh he says food tastes funny

so it's yeah i'm suspecting that he has it too that he's like lost his sense of taste it could be it's rough and not everyone gets that not everyone right yeah but it is a symptom of people who get it and also colin uniquely uniquely hasn't read up on COVID or anything. Yeah, yeah. No placebo effect there. He just knows the symptom. Anyway, it's going to be rough to dodge COVID around here. We'll see.

Well, good luck. I haven't had it. I'm one of the very few people I know who have not had COVID. I attribute that to not only just a crazy regimen of sanitizing myself, but also just staying the fuck away from people. I've had girls who'd be like, yeah, I had COVID last week. And I'd be like, oh, well, I'll see you in maybe a month.

I'm not dealing with this. I didn't want to expose my parents. Man, every day I read another article, whether you believe it or not, about the long-term effects of COVID. I saw one about 20% diminishment in mental acuity. I don't know how you test that, but that's a scary headline. I can't lose a fucking decimal point. I'm barely functional as an adult man. Yeah, I worry about all that.

Now, I am vaccinated and boosted, in case anyone wants to know. If I get it. I don't see fits for just your titties. I could just sit here doing this. Yeah, fucking pop them. Let's go. Yeah, like that whole elbow trick

thing completely works for me. He's not a slut. I am. He is. Like the definition of a slut. Yeah. Dude, this exact outfit's a dangerous one. This skirt is held on literally by a piece of tape because it's too loose for me, so

I lost weight. It's too... So I lost some weight. I had to tape it together. And then I stood up on stream and there's a clip of it. It's got the, just the clip has like a couple hundred thousand views where it falls immediately. And it did.

Nothing got shown and it was live on Twitch, but I checked afterwards. I turned the camera off. I was like, I got to make sure I didn't just show a ball popping out. Someone smiled down upon me that day. That shouldn't have happened. Let me ask you a question. What are you wearing in that instance in particular, underneath your dress? Well, this thing is like a bodysuit thing. So I would show you, but again, I don't want to show you my ball. I can picture it now, though. So it's like a women's bathing suit.

Yeah, kind of. It's a bit like that. I've got one picture of it where I don't have the skirt on, where I'm normal. But it could have gone either way, man. Twitch could have. As soon as it happened, I turned the camera off and just mentally was like, okay, started prepping

for the future. I was like, alright, I can delete the VOD. If it got shown, this is the day that I start the OnlyFans. I'll just go. Deleting the VOD usually fixes it. Yeah, but I knew that someone... If I showed that, then someone's going to... It's on the internet.

It's there forever. We'll fucking tuck your balls in better next time jesus it's a thing i'll hold on i'll dm you this photo what this thing is link it in the chat a photo of of uh tucking form yeah like what this should actually look like this is uh we get in the chat i gotta see this hold on i'll find it i'll find a photo or it's not that you gotta give me a second though so carry on for a minute yes yes my virgin eyes don't show me anything too bad no i think he's more worried about like not wanting you to see i don't think he's worried about like hurting your virgin eyes he's like no i just don't want you to see my cock, bro. I just want you to see my balls hanging out of my Katy Perry dress.

Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande, yes. Another famous singer. You cannot show this. We will not show it. I'll put it in Kyle. I don't know what group chat you guys have together. Right next to the chat here.

Okay. Hold on. I've sent it already. We'll see. I don't know how I can link a photo. I've just taken like a screenshot of it, but yeah, it's like if you,

if you do everything right, like I had in this photo, then it looks fine. It's great. The, um, the only, why is that not sending the only,

uh, scary thing about it was i hadn't prepped for this situation occurring so oh my god there you go is it his balls no god no it's not no um it's it's exactly what i described it's like a women's bathing suit yeah yeah except made out of like pvc i've been i was like looking at my like the reflections in my like you can see everything going on in the monitor i was doing that for a minute while taylor was doing the ad reads but yeah that's it interesting did you do topic yeah go for it

if you were trying to plan and get away with a murder how would you do it oh oh fuck that's a tough one who are we taking out is it like a is it like a politician that's me here's my actually no you're not allowed to find someone where there's already

a suspect. Like a divorce situation, a separation. Somewhere where they're definitely going to look at somebody else. Maybe she already has a stalker. I see what you're saying.

The goal is just to get away with murder you really want to feel that feeling of taking a life yeah well you definitely don't want to be in like one of those major cities right because like i remember that guy in new york that psychopath was walking around exit there's no way to put it executing homeless people sleeping on the street with a pistol. Like he'd walk up, make sure the coast was clear, and then like kick them a little so they woke, and then shoot them in the head and walk away. But he was caught like a day or two days later because there's so much CCTV. How do they actually find people? I always kind of, I'm missing a step in how the police do it, which is why it's hard to answer

because I don't know what methods they have. Like surely if you've got, if you just leave your house with a mask on and you go like, I'm missing a step in how the police do it, which is why it's hard to answer. Cause I don't know what methods they have. Like it surely, if you've got, if you just leave your house with a mask on and you go like, Oh, ages and ages away. And that you never just show your face. And then you just go age and ages back.

Like there's no way you're going to get caught. I think you think that, but then like, if they can track you enough, then all they need to do is find when you interacted with something, maybe they could find your fingerprints off a doorknob or maybe you swiped your card at a gas station or you maybe rented the car that you were in. You got on the bus where you must've had like a bus pass,

right? Let's, let's look at everybody who was on that bus. Like, like when they really want to get somebody, they, they don't, they don't stop.

It's all about picking the victim, right? Find someone who's already being stalked, someone who maybe has a drug issue, and then you kill them and they'll never look at you. Oh, someone was telling me about a serial killer the other day.

He lived in Alaska or something like that, and he would fly into Chicago with legitimate business stuff to do, rent a car, and drive to the East Coast, and do a random spree type murder. No one in

particular. He'd go kill someone, like what you're describing, drive back to Chicago, continue his business, and then be back in Alaska before anything had ever even been thought of. He's not even close to like i don't know how they caught that guy actually now that i mentioned how the fuck did they catch

that guy i guess the ones that you you'll never be able to hear a good story about it on how someone got away with it because or what if uh what if it doesn't look like a murder that's the real way to do it right like like like the thing in australia that just happened. There was a 30-year-old case of an American man, I believe, who had fallen off a cliff somewhere in Australia. And just recently it came out that a man either had came forward and admitted or his wife had ratted him, I don't remember which, probably the latter, that he had pushed that guy off the cliff all those years ago. And it had been 30 years.

They just wrote it off as a suicide because he'd fallen off a cliff. You could do that. You go to the Grand Canyon and shove somebody. There's a lot of good ways to murder people now you think about it. Yeah, it's just wherever the person happens to be. That's always how you have to kill someone.

You can't kill someone where they're not. That's what guns are for. It's dependent on where they are. It would be harder to get away with someone that you know. It's like another state. Like getting rid of your wife is pretty much impossible. How do we kill a wife? Getting rid of your wife is pretty much impossible. How do we kill a wife?

Right. Finding a wife that has marriage problems who's not in your universe. That'd be the trick. Oh, well, that's not... Just go look at her husband. If you want to take Jackie out... I can't do that. It's hard.

But if I wanted to take someone else's wife out... She's too strong. Pick the right one. Maybe they're already looking at the husband for being a creep and then offer. Oh, an abusive husband. Yes. If you could find like that scenario where it's like when the cops show up, they're like, what did he do this time, Alice? Oh, my God.

Where's Bill Alice's wife? Husband. Maybe something like that. I still think that when I heard that that guy flew from Alaska and maybe I'm getting states off or something, but basically what he did, he flew from

all the way to Chicago and then rented the car and drove another it's like 10 hours to go do a random murder and then he's so separated from from that crime how does it work with countries like if you flee the country or some shit i don't know what people's like thing is it's got to be a lot easier various countries have different extradition treaties with with others like the united states probably has extradition treaties with the most

you would think um you think it'd be a big network. People would want to be on our good side. Like our banking network, I would say it's a similarly impressive network of countries that are like, oh, you want him back? We'll have him. But there are, of course, places that you can go. I'm always shocked that the famous criminals who

are about to go, the Harvey Weinsteins of the world, i'm shocked when they actually go to trial i'm like wait wait how much money does he have 37 million dollars and they didn't seize his assets yet so why the fuck did he not go to island of whatever the fuck yeah where they can't take him and just live out his days there is there something we don't understand about that there must be a decent country without it. I know the great... Probably your first choice

is the Australia, the UK. Where Snowden went. Where does Roman Polanski live? Somewhere in Europe. Good one. I couldn't get a list. France comes to mind, but I don't know exactly. But the thing about Roman is

they're not actively after him. They applauded him at the fucking Oscars. Well, they should be after him. He did some fucked up shit. What did he do? Is it pedo stuff? I'm trying to remember. Yeah, he did pedo stuff.

It depends on your definition of pedo stuff. I saw she was a 13-year-old girl. Just because she's hot, Kyle, doesn't make it okay. You tell me that. And I wonder why. I'm going to have that stoned into a throw pillow for you. That's the first of cross-stitch. I was in the fucking Reddit comments the other day,

and they were arguing about the different kinds of philias. The pedophilia is specifically girls who are pre-pubescent, but then there was infantophilia for two to three-year-olds, and then there were at least two or maybe even three that were above pedophilia, something like 13 to 15, 15 to 17, and then 17 and above. There was a

different phrase. There are girls who are knocking on the door of 18 who look like grown women like if you find them attractive you're not being attracted to someone tried to make that that's actually it's so funny you say that that is what the point of the thread i was in and i remember it now was it was someone had it was in not how girls work or not how women work and And someone had said something like they had won too far with them. They're like, there are 15 year olds who look like grown women and I can't tell the

difference. I have to, I would, I can only go on their word. Like they said something like that, but more crass than that. And they were getting their asses handed to them and not how women work because I guess women can spot the difference between a,

an overly developed 15 year old and a standard 21 year old. Brooke Shields was famously like that. She looked like a grownup at some stupidly young age. I won't name it. I don't cause I'll get it wrong, but Jodie Foster, Jodie Foster did as well. Yeah.

The guy in that thread. Cause I think that matters a lot. You know, like sometimes after you grow up a bit, you stop being able to like that. Just like eight year old fucking 15 year old they look like the fucking same thing that's they're just a kid you know you just kind of lose thing for that yeah that's the thing too like when i was 13 i could easily identify what a 14 versus a 13 year old look like yeah at today's age i can't do that at all. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll do that with kids.

I'll see a kid in public, and in my head, I'll be like, that's seven? Four? Hey, it can talk. I don't know the age. And I don't know how to interact with them properly. I treat all kids like adults anyway, until they prove that they should be treated otherwise.

Want a cigarette, bud? Yeah. Hey, what you doing tonight you treat children like adults but it's just a sly pedophile you drive hey man we drive me to the liquor store i'm not feeling so hot he's in his little jeep you're crunched up yeah i'm getting in with him man those things were fun no see like i don't have any like friends with kids and uh you know and if i did then i would quickly not have friends with kids i'd fix that problem right away yeah i'm out taylor you're fucked shortly well you don't have like i mean like children that i would have to fuck like children children as long as they keep the kids away from you it's okay well even like not

necessarily like it's like dogs right like i'd love to play with dogs i just don't want like a dog licking me in the face all day every day and needing my attention and love like you can own a dog and live with me and then i get to hang out with the dog but don't expect me to clean anything up or like like help with vet bills or anything like that at best i might open the door now and then yeah i can hold the door i'm good at that yeah but that's about it i get all the way out of the way i'll let it in yeah no i i so i have no idea when i see a kid like what they're capable of i don't know if that that little tyke's getting ready to learn how to drive or how to wipe their own ass i can't tell dude like the varied level of development in like my friends kids like is weird too because like like there are some three-year-old two-year-olds three-year-olds whatever you try and get them to

talk and they're like barely talking back like little bits like pieces here and there then there are other three-year-olds where you can like ask them like like what do you think about that movie and he's like i really didn't like the part where she switched to the blue shirt i don't like the blue shirt and it's like how did you even like know a point of comparison to like make there that you didn't like that or it's interesting like how like how kids develop the mirroring i'll tell you no but but like when i hear smart kids and i and they're smart kids but i'm a smart man so we don't match up well yeah and i'm like i want to be like you're clearly mirroring everything you're doing right now right now little man maybe try to develop your own thoughts maybe you're maybe even your own personality how

about that but but then it's like dude he's seven he's doing his best to do those things he's like wow you like power rangers loser he's like that's what i'm doing you piece of shit yeah you could give a kid a complex if you told them that like everything you're doing is just copying things i feel like that could sound kind of remember that eric andre bit where he talked about how they like cured the girl with down syndrome uh i haven't seen that they uh they gave her a ton of acid and then they all got in a circle around her started screaming this is real this is real or something like that nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare maybe i have seen that cured it cured the down syndrome it was that is such a weird show i haven't watched a lot of it but the bits and pieces i've seen

you see when the bear came out and just randomly tore the set apart yeah it seemed mildly dangerous it was very uh tim and eric which is not a bad thing i liked him and eric a lot in in high school who's um who's the black comedian um who uh who called out um what's his name chris rock what's the call out you want about hannibal oh you're going hannibal burris is who i'm looking for h Hannibal Buress is in the new Spider-Man. And he might be the funniest part. He's a really funny dude. He might be.

Because it gets revealed that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. So then when he goes to high school, it's fucking awkward. And the principal is like, hey, Peter. Hey, just feel free to. Look, we're going to treat you the same. So you want to swing around the hallways? You do it, buddy. Look, everybody got together and put together a Peter Parker

Day memorial thing here for you. They put him in the trophy case and Hannibal Buress is like, uh-uh. He did that all on his own. We don't want you here, killer. Murderer. You a murderer. We know it. He's just like this counter,

this foil to the principal's admiration and full-blown love and support. He's just like, not all of us. Killer. I haven't watched any of his stand-up in a long time. I haven't either. I like him, though. I like his voice. I like his vibe.

This don't-give-a-fuck vibe. He kills it with that. He has a very distinct cadence to his voice, which is good. You ever seen him pop his glasses off? No. Why? He looks like a ninja turtle. Does he? I'm not sure he isn't one.

I mean, that's a cool thing to be. Well, it depends which one he is. Which one does he look like? Donatello. Okay. Well, then it's not that cool. Donatello had the staff, right? No, the joke is you answer immediately like you've got it well thought out. They ask because Tony Ferguson has this famous bit where he's just rambling, and he's like, my favorite Ninja Turtles, Raphael, what's yours?

And then they're just like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's a press conference. I saw his press conference today. The man is unhinged. He's blaming everybody else for his previous losses, and he's coming to this, and he's like, I'll tell you

after I win. I'm excited to see Tony Ferguson's next fight. I really hope he does have more in the tank, but it seems to me that he is just dead man walking. I don't want to get too deep into UFC, but when I started re-looking at his record, it seemed like all those missed fights and stuff kept the Tony Ferguson's elite myth alive

longer than it otherwise would have. If he had faced Khabib many of those times, he would have got rocked. There were a couple fights he pulled out of. You look at it and you're like, man, it's like he kept getting hurt for the hard fights and then winning cheesy ones.

I choose not to believe it until he loses one more time. Okay. As far as I know, he's a crazy ninja man. Literally a crazy ninja man. I like that. Anyone who kidnaps children and jumps fences, if you can jump a fence

while carrying a small child, you are a fucking athlete. No way I can jump a fence while carrying a small child. I couldn't jump a fence with a child helping me. I couldn't jump a fence that was made of a chain that went from post to post. If I tried to jump a fence, I'd embarrass myself.

Do you know a while ago when parkour was a real big thing? Yeah. I got into that shit. It's so cringy to look back on now. Do you have any videos of you like, parkour! No, but I had a really bad moment in real life. That's so cringy to look back on now. Do you have any videos of you like parkour? No, but I had a really bad moment in real life. Okay, so this was before I did YouTube, right?

When I was into doing this. So I could do spins and shit. I was good at it. I was pretty strong back in the day. So I was doing pull-ups. My only exercise was pull-ups and shit. But I was really strong. I could even do that thing where you sit sideways on a pull-up bar.

Your body's just horizontal. I was a strong dude. I was into yeah yeah yeah so i wasn't big but i was you know i could move my body away all right so it was okay so i've never had a situation where that hasn't worked out for me at any wall i try and jump jumped over it worked out fine and then i did youtube for like three four years and i've met and i just stopped exercising and stuff like that so i was hit with the reality that i couldn't do it anymore in spain because there were a bunch of there are a bunch of dudes like we're walking on the street down the beach thing there's a bunch of dudes like one of those like monkey bars and everything and marisa the girl i was with was like i can do that and i was like so can i i didn't do monkey bars she was like prove it monkey bars are hard to fucking do if you're not used to it and so i know a bunch of other

guys there's all like working out these are like body built nah you know what i mean like really really strong things like people you look at but oh fuck so i failed that in front of them but tried for way too long like where everyone knew you couldn't do it before you did yeah and they and that's just my grip that's all it was let me get a little dirt on here oh i the only my problem was i didn't stop so what i did was i dropped off that and i was like okay because you know have you ever been to like a beach they've got like the uh the stairs going down into the beach and they've got like the railing alongside it's like a six foot up or so seven foot up so and there's railings on top of it so i was like okay i'll win a little bit bit of my masculinity back here so i tried to this is fucking awful so i tried to do that

like running up the wall thing and grab the grab the railing and pull my mouth yeah and again i tried that for way too long to the point like I did it four times I tried jumping up this wall and trying to pull I can't do a fire pull up anymore to the point my friend who is female had to pull me up after that

and then those other guys went like that like a quick little like you know you're a fucking idiot like little thing that's the worst memory and then you're and your masculinity never came back no i'm like my palms are sweating telling that because it was just like oh my god i fuck god that's an embarrassing story i hate that oh i know what you mean those those palm

sweating stories where you get like nervous even telling it well it's terrible that's one of those things that in night like a bit when you're trying to go to sleep you just flashback remember yeah we have to be like oh that was a different guy that wasn't me that's me remembering something cringe it's not me me. This was 2022, dude. This was three weeks ago. Yeah, that can be rough. Any stories of me overflowing toilets? That's the way I feel when I tell those.

Just like, oh, brutally embarrassing. I just remembered your story. It's horrific. And that hurt me. The worst I ever did is that I took a smell like took a smelly shit like at a girlfriend's apartment and i think they smelled it and uh it's nothing yeah it's nothing right like it's no big deal crushing my diet pipsy like a man yeah what did you do taylor took a shit in like one of those like half baths where it was rooms it's just like a sink in a toilet, like in a hallway. And he decided to shit in there at a girlfriend's house.

And when he flushed, it overflowed shit and shit water and the toilet paper all into the floor and out as the foyer of their home. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I think it was hardwood flooring and then there was a rug in the foyer of their home i'm pretty sure i think it was hardwood flooring and then there was a rug in the foyer and and so like he has to be like i have shit on your floor and there is big big man poop everywhere it was a rough one of course that's why it's three days of chipotle burritos in a roche and it was row shit it was really it might be the most it's actually not even close

it's the most embarrassing moment of my life far away nothing else even sniffs it having to like walk out of that hall bathroom with my own shit on the ground and be like oh that was I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight I know we've talked about this before.

I would love to go back and see what my previous reaction is. But today, as I sit here, my reaction would be to bail. Fucking. I would literally yell, I'm so sorry! And then I would run. Don't worry.

If I had money. I'll never do it again. I'll never see me again. I would take all the cash I had. If I had $200 or $300, like whatever it was, I would like put it on the ground, not into the shit water. No, no, make him earn it. I'd make sure he got it.

Make him earn it. I would mail them a check or something like for a significant amount of money, enough to get it professionally cleaned or whatever. But in the letter it would say, please the love of god let us never speak of this i'm so sorry here's five hundred dollars you never have to speak to me please don't acknowledge me please don't tell people i know you've already told some people don't tell more people i'm so sorry oh it was it was horrible a voice mail made me better the whole family was home

it was it was horrid I'm missing something so you were old enough to go to a girl's house I was like 17 that's too old to get away with that I was old enough that I drove myself there. We were like doing something that day.

And like, oh, why did I do that? I wish I could go back and change that. Just go back and stop myself and be like, hey, number one, start lifting weights. Number two, don't use that bathroom. Go home. Actually, you shouldn't be here at all. This whole endeavor is a waste of time. You need to go invest in bitcoin

start lifting weights fucking retard diamond hands if you could go back and back in time bitcoin is not even my one i because i that is a good one but yeah i've followed the stock market since i was a kid like i used to read the wall street journal and stuff as a preteen. And, uh, I just know the big stocks, the ones to hold, like basically when to buy and sell IBM,

basically when to get into Microsoft transfer from Microsoft to Cisco, to Cisco, to Apple. Like that's the, that's basically the run. Yeah. You could, you could turn 10,000 into a billion,

like, like no sweat. Multibillions you'd think yeah yeah when you involve like like all the silly ways to make money that you know more about than me i'm sure yeah it goes crazy i would have done a really inefficient way i would look up the lat the buried treasure found within the last 20 years. Get in there ahead of the games. Find the treasure. I think I prevent 9-11. I think I let the first I think I want to say... I think I double it. It's funny you say that because I immediately wanted

to go back. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not prevent. Lesson. Because I want the credit. I feel like if I completely stop it, they're like, oh, thanks for that anonymous. Thanks for that call, buddy. We got them. You got to stop one plane.

Nobody knows what I did. But if the first plane hits and I'm on the second plane and I brought on a gun, I guess that's what I'd need to do. Seems like it was pretty easy back in the day. You brought a box cutter to a gun fight, my friend. And I saved the day. And they're like, why did you have the gun? I'm like, does it really matter anymore?

And they're like, you know, it really doesn't. It really doesn't. I feel like you could say that. I'd be like, I saved one of the World Trade Center towers. So how about don't ask that? Gun rights for life on a plane. I'd be okay with that.

I think that's what we'd do. Were you 14 years old? It'd be weird to bring a gun on a plane and save the day at 15, but I'll buy it. I feel like that would really propel me into a kind of stardom that's hard to purchase.

That's like Zelinsky stardom if you save half of 9-11. Dude, you would have gotten the key to the city, and they would have given you a medal of honor or something. Yeah. You would have been a hero. You would have been part of the Never Forget. I would have been the one who tells you to never forget. I'd have been the guy. I'd have been in all been the one who tells you to never forget i'd have

been the guy i'd have been all the memorials you never let it go maybe saluting me or even better than that you call the pentagon that morning you threaten them with that you know information you give them your exact location and then profit and And they're like, we know we're launching missiles into our own building. Or we could just play the stock market that day because I'm sure there were some pretty big dips. Just forget about saving the day. I was talking like a senator.

Probably. You need to buy the airline stock or whatever the fuck. Well, you just need to do whatever Hillary Clinton did that day. I'm sure she made out. I bet they all made out. Yeah, she's done that. Hillary Clinton cannot be an expert in cattle trading, yet she trades like one. She turned 10 grand into like 120 grand, something like that. Yeehaw.

And it wasn't like she predicted a rise. She predicted like a rise, fall, rise, fall. And did like the bet that it goes up, bet that it goes down, bet that it goes up. Like there's a couple of those. Yeah. But you know, some people just know their cows. I'm sorry to say.

That's the people you really know. Yeah. She's an expert at heifers somehow. My titties just broke. Titties just broke. Your titty's just broke? Yeah. You know the thing, so now there's not as big of a thing in my chest.

I've got something under this that pushes my chest together to make it look like boobs. It fucking just broke right now. The strap. It's getting too big. Yeah. Are you going to go big with it? Becauseyle showed us that image of you with the rubber you want it i i have new ones i was contemplating wearing them today but i didn't like have an

outfit that went for it but it makes me look like jack the ripper like i've got like just female body parts laying around i can show it i could maybe put tape over the nips and show them but i don't know if you want to risk it for youtube upload like but i can show you though oh wait no i've got a picture of them i'll put it in the chat so you can see and i even covered the nip just in case you can make the decision i'm on it but i'll grab because i personally wouldn't want to see 2022 at some point we went too far as humans the whole the streaming not we started streaming no not yet we got to get wilder with it yeah you're with it dirty i feel like we're are we about to have like a are we about to go back the other way with conservative uh values coming from another

ronald reagan ish like swing of morality through the country i don't think so i don't think so the reason i don't is that we're just currently doing a weird minority rule thing and there was a odd happenstance of like you know and people know we have more republican senators because the tiny states without people in them tend to be republican they had that slim advantage and they used that to deny obama a supreme court justice and then they granted trump one under the same conditions and trump won with this weird fewer voters thing um but he had more electoral votes but he had fewer votes yeah we never do popular vote oh i don't think i'm just saying that the country like we have a minority rule thing that's what's happening right now because of the way the electoral college is set up i don't think the country, we have a minority rule thing. That's what's happening right now because of the way the Electoral College is set up. I don't think the

country is moving conservative. You just got a lot of people who were kind of excited about the concept of taking a Molotov cocktail and throwing it at Washington, D.C. All the people that matter seem to be heading the other way, though. All the people in power. The people in power want to go the other way. I think that this time next 2020-2024, after the next presidential election, it'll be the entire Supreme Court, and it'll

be the House and the Senate. The House, the Representatives, the Senate, the Presidency, and in another four years, I don't know. I look at the Supreme Court. I saw a photo of them the other day. I don't know which are liberal and which are right. The young ones are Republicans.

But if you give Donald Trump four more years to potentially grab another Supreme Court justice, then you've got... Seems like at least one of them is always death age. How many did Trump get?

It's three yeah that's really good for four years who's the oldest guy right now on the supreme court clarence thomas he's probably in his 70s right it might be yeah but he's uh right wing himself oh i know i was just thinking who's the is he just looking at who's going to be replaced next yeah because he would replace the oldest first obviously unless like one of them dies in a different way yeah i sent you some titties oh let's check out the i'll cover them they don't look like much else but you can imagine with that oh i've seen that yeah they're so fucking uncomfortable to wear because they're basically a rubber a silicone top like a silicone crop top oh yeah yeah talcum powder or something on so

you don't like sweat into it i've worn them once yeah i know it's gross i've worn them once and apparently you're supposed to but god that's fucking nasty i don't know did you stink afterward like a rubbery stink not as bad as you'd think the bad side of it was that it catches your hair so badly you lose 50 hairs putting that thing on and off again it's terrible workplace hazard yeah you need your well you know how it is when you're putting on your silicone bodice and your long lady hair gets a little caught up i'm just like any other guy put my breasts on one at a time put your breasts on one at a time they're jiggly too they're filled with like the same shit

that like fake boobs are filled with so it's like the silicone gel stuff so they'll jiggle and shit they're great I mean I'm sure they were pricey too like you probably went top of the line fake boobs listen you can get yourself a solid pair of fake boobs.

$250. $250 these things. They don't work in real life, I wouldn't say. On camera or on photos, yeah, they'd be fine. But real life, they don't look real. You get a whole bodysuit with a mask and everything. That's creepy as shit. And it's the same people that make that.

That's a good idea. There's male masks too. Do you remember the the movie driver remember how he had that like hollywood stunt that mask he put on that was just like generic white man number four and it was so creepy to see him wear it because it's expressionless yeah because the eyes are sunken back in it yeah they make like full-on suits for like women to transition into men and vice versa. There's these whole... You can buy pecs and abs that look as real as her fake titties. His fake titties do. You can't blame...

Y'all would fuck it up too. You can't fuck this person for three and a half hours and keep the shit straight. Can't wait to read the comments on this one too. and a half hours and keep the shit straight can't wait to read the comments on this one too but yeah it's the only thing is i saw i asked people about it because it was like i have a i've made friends with a lot of porn stars weirdly just that's my circle now like i've just made a bunch of friends with people that do that or at least only fans people but um the uh apparently so i speak so i spoke someone that's really quite smart and they are actually like an ex porn star or something so they're really familiar with like

a bunch of different kinks it's a it's a fetish like the uh so there are definitely some people that like i think maybe they did what i did they're like ah it's to look a bit more realistic but the people that buy those full fucking body suits and face masks yeah no that there's like people that are into yeah There's people that are into becoming dolls. So they'll put the... That's kind of cool. That made it less weird for me, if you're trying to become

a doll. That made it less weird. Yeah. Well, at first I thought it was like being a furry. And I was like... Yeah, a doll is nicer than a furry, yeah. A doll is nicer than a furry. Yeah. A doll is at least smooth.

An inanimate human versus some sort of transhuman animal hybrid. I was going to make the point that I'm more on the side of furries. Because they're just cringy. This is like weird. So I don't judge any of them. I just think about which one i'd rather

snuggle with and i think it's the you know the stuffed animal one not the counter argument they say they wash those things they don't wash i don't think they do enough often enough like can you imagine what it costs to get one of those things actually clean. I saw a guy on the Home Gym subreddit who had reupholstered his nice weight bench with cloth. It was like velvet or something. And they were like, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. You're not going to like my carpeted bathrooms either. I've got a great video idea, like you were saying is buy one of those female body suits and take it to a dry cleaner to see what they do with the fucking thing

car wash would work better i went through a car wash yesterday and i felt like i was traveling to fucking outer space have you been in one lately? Not in many years. There were so many flashing neon lights and different kinds of foam. I love the rainbow foam. There wasn't the rainbow foam. It was like blue and it was like monotone, like in

waves. What level did you buy? The $25 one? What was the name? I went to a car Wash when I sold the Tacoma a little while ago And It's like the cheapest one was maybe 18 in my area and then

It just added on like different Coatings and Suds and stuff like that I'm like am I being ripped Off is that really an $8 Soap I feel like that You can buy a $40 Car wash but i think you'd be better with a couple of 17s i think probably so um i don't know i know my car is really shiny um i don't know if that's from the ceramic coating that i paid extra four dollars for or not but uh

it worked out ceramic coating they just sandblast your car i don't know if i want a ceramic coating on the outside of my car today a silica coating at the end the one thing i do like when we start i'm like they want to like rub that disgusting brush on your i'm like no brush do not rub my car with that brush that you out of your mind but really you don't want the gritty brush no i'm just not giving me that gritty brush um but it worked really well i hadn't been in one in a little bit i usually just wash my own car but i was lazy yesterday and it was hot as fuck they just got my air conditioning fixed today it was it's been out since last friday night it's been fun there's been some hot ones in there today was hot 83 84 something like that. The hot one. I'm in the hot one, Wally.

I used my swimming pool today for the first time this year. It was nice. I want to pool, but I know I wouldn't use it that much. Really? I just wouldn't use it that much. A hot tub, I've been

thinking about more because I would use that all the time. I love hot tubs. So those are not that expensive. Post weightlifting is a good time to jump in a pool. Yeah, I realized that there was a... So I've been... I don't remember if I was talking about it last time, but I was looking to buy a new house.

I was looking to move because, again, someone sent me a wedding ring to my address. $75. Yeah. I was looking to move to a bigger house and um i've and weirdly enough the seller died two weeks away from sale we were about to close and i got the phone call again the house is gonna break the deal though yeah the house wasn't escrow right what did they die of well we don't know so the the story's

not as interesting but besides the conclusion but i was trying to buy this house for a while i just texted them one day saying like you know your your solicitor needs to send my solicitor something for this you need to send a document and they went can you call me and i said i'll call you in five minutes called them and they went just immediately yeah the person that owns the house like on pay it was like their granddad yeah the person that owns the house like on pay it was like their granddad or something owns the owns the house died and didn't have a will so and it's dude this is like a it's like housing the ukra expenses this is like a substantial asset that this guy owned that well how do you not have a will if you're like 70, 80 or something?

I don't know. But I can't be a dick about it because obviously I'm not the most wronged party in this scenario. No, it's the guy who died. Well, maybe he wasn't wronged. Maybe he was killed in self-defense while trying to assault someone. Or maybe the same fan who sent the wedding ring didn't want you moving out of that place.

Went and took care of a little business and you stay right where he wants you so that he can watch you from across the street. And you can't escape because he can see the whole place. They were just made from across the road. But I was only going to say it because

I was just looking at houses and there was one with a nice pool and it had a gym in it. It was an outbuilding. They'd made a separate building that had an in-ground pool, a gym on the other side of it, and then a sauna at the back. And that seems fucking mint. That would be awesome. Those home saunas, you can get a two-person sauna for a few grand. I haven't done a sauna in my life enough to know if I even like them.

So you get a one-person sauna for 79.99 i've told you about this thing right that i just used to be a c break oh my god it's pvc tubing that you like bend into the frame and then the material is like those bags that like doordash puts food in it's that like thermal bag material and you get into it and then it zips up you put a chair in it you get in and you're like enveloped in like this person-sized takeout bag and then that's it oh that's it and then and then there's a little like steam thing that like pumps that there's a hose that goes in but and it pumps in this hot steamy air and and like that's an expensive one that says infrared i'm talking about the amazon uh uh model it has like this

little steamer pot that looks like a rice cooker that you plug into the wall on one end fill it with water and then a hose goes into the the heat bag that you are now existing cooker that you plug into the wall on one end, fill it with water, and then a hose goes into the heat bag that you are now existing in, and it steams the fuck out of you. So your head just is never steamed, unless you want to, like, turtle into it. If you went in there, you might not survive. It's rough. This looks terrible.

I always figured that if you're using the ones for cold, there's, like, these cryogenic chambers. They seem cool. I don't know about a sauna. like these cryogenic chambers. They seem cool. I don't know about us. They're more than cool. They're freezing. $99.99. Look at that.

I can play on my phone while I'm experiencing the fire hazard. You see that little bucket next to her? That's like the steam thing. It's pumping steam in there. There's nothing similar but for beds, and that's been tempting to me. They can pumping steam in there. Something similar, but for beds. And that's been tempting to me. They can cool your bed. They can heat your bed.

They can give you whatever temperature you want. I think we had a guest who said it was a great investment, that it made him so happy. But the good ones are really expensive. And I don't know. I've bought things in my life where like a good one of these is $1,000. But they do make them for $200. Well, now you have to spend $1,200 to get the good one of these is $1,000. But they do make them for $200. Well, now you have to spend $1,200 to get the good one

because you made that purchasing mistake to buy it nice or buy it twice. I don't know where I land on these things. It's hard. You can't see them in stores as far as I know. You just get them online for some stupid price. Do you want a whole new mattress with it? I could probably use one anyway. I think it's time.

Another brand. All of a sudden, you're in like $3,200 for this super mattress that's heated and cold with air blowing through it. I'm like, I've been good with money. Am I $3,200 mattress good with money? Am I no longer good with money

if I get a $3,200 mattress? I don't know where this is. I have the exact same thing. Every time we bring this up as a topic, I strongly consider pulling the trigger because I get hot and then sweat, like wake up all sweaty sometimes. I'm like, would this cure it? Would this mean I don't wake up sweaty?

Probably not. It probably just means I'd die of hypothermia because I'd sweat and then this would freeze me. This room has a mini split on the wall. You can't see it, but it's super quiet. I have any temperature in here I want. So it can be January in the winter. And if I want to wear shorts and a t-shirt,

easily accomplished. On a related note, in bed, I like a weighted blanket. Feels good to me. Mock me if you will. Love my weighted blanket, but it's warm, super warm. I could have an air-conditioned bed that let me use a weighted blanket all summer that sounds nice 104 what a psychopath

what are you doing there's no way that is that is that the most heat-sealing blanket on Earth? There's no crossover. There's not a huge amount of hot air. If you're sleeping with someone who wants it to be 104 degrees, what's a hot tub? 102? It's 104.

You wake up in the morning, and the dog was under her side. Now it's dead. You wake up every morning like, Why did I buy this? I feel like I'm not getting my money's worth. On the other hand, maybe 104 degree air is what you like. It doesn't make it 104 degrees. What's the temperature of the air coming out of your...

I assume you have central air that blows. I bet it's 104-ish. What's the temperature of the air from a hairdryer? I've had a friend who just did that. They just get cold so fast. Probably like 150, 160.

140. This is the perfect thing for them. I googled it. That's what it said. 140. It is good. You can get the shrink wrap blow dryers that go even hotter, though. Those go like 700. That's what mine will do.

Yeah. I have a little. It'll take paint off the walls. I think that's its primary purpose. It melts lead. I use it to melt lead. Yeah. You can buy.

You know the little heat shrinks that you might put on wires as you connect them? Well, there are some with lead in the middle of them. Now it solders them and it shrinks. And that's what I use it for. That's cool. I've never seen those. Oh, yeah. I love how you're like, you know those little pieces of metal you solder together?

I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know of them. I know something has to keep all the electricity. Send it along. Send it along. Usher it to the final thing. You gotta do a little bit of electrical work in your life

if you haven't lived. Some people only make it to a little bit of electrical work in their life. Just one fuck up. I've been zapped a few times like like like if you work with it at all you will you know like and uh i've grabbed 240 before and i've grabbed 120 plenty of times um and it it really hurts you grab it with your hands having a piece of a piece of metal usually a tool that i'm holding god that's what I've done. Yeah, yeah. I'll use that.

In particular, this is a mistake I've made more than once. Imagine you're installing like a socket, you know, the receptacles you plug something into. And it's just a little crooked inside the hole. And you use a screwdriver to just sort of like, you push the box over, you push the box over until it lines up straight and perfect. Well, it's possible to hit the wires with a screwdriver while you do that connect them and sparks go everywhere it's embarrassing yeah yeah i've i've uh i've i've been pressing like the reset button on an electric motor with uh with a piece of metal and maybe i went behind the button into the wiring or something and that was rough yeah Yeah. Chicken related?

Yeah. It was like a two horsepower electric motor or something like that. There's a lot of big electric motors involved in chickens. Yep. Yep. Yeah. You get sucked into them,

electrocuted, it's always a good time. I remember when I was talking to an electrician friend of mine and I was just asking, we were just talking about it and he's like, it came up and he's like,

yeah, if you're messing with something, you always put your arms out like that, like close up. I'm like, why? He's like, well, if your arms are straight and you hit something and it sends electricity through, it's going to go to your heart and it's going to kill you. But if you go like this and it's a huge surge, it might just blow out through your arms, through your elbows, because it wants to go the path of least resistance. And it's so powerful it would eviscerate this area and i'm like that's that's a horrible safety tactic is that true that's what he told me and what they learned like apparently it's only if you're like

tinkering like he's not doing this shit at people's houses like he's working i think i read something i watched a video i watched a video about like if you were going to get hit by lightning or something like like maybe you want going to get hit by lightning or something. Maybe you wanted to rock back on your heels. You wanted to minimize your contact patch. To me, it was the balls of your feet, but heels makes the same thing. Oh, I know what it is. You want to jump.

You want to put your feet together, I think. They're hoping it'll go in one heel and out the other instead of going the length of your body and out the other heel. It doesn't start in your head and reach the ground? That's where I thought we were doing. I don't know how lightning works. No one does. I'm not sure where thunder comes from.

I'm not sure electricity is real. Are they connected, really? I've never seen them. Because I've heard loud noises sometimes. Could that have been thunder? It's like those 4chan posts where it's memes and it's like, plug in TV, it's memes and it's like plug in TV show comes on

you guys buy this? our technology it really is like magic like a lot of it is and we just accepted it all of it I do not know how anything I have really works. Like mechanical things, like a standard combustion engine, computers removed.

Do you know all of it, though? Carburetors are a little confusing to me. Well, I know the concept. I probably couldn't name each and every part and what order rings and pistons are moving around, but I understand the concept thoroughly. How we get from gasoline vapor to wheels turning. I'm sure I'm missing a part or two. I'm no Wings of Redemption.

I'm not a mechanic. I know 95% of how a car works, but this motherfucker? I'm clueless. Dude, I'll take it a step further. I don't know how this shit works but like this motherfucker i'm clueless dude i take it a step further i don't know how this shit works i don't know how it is like like that are there lasers in them still like or have they gone to some sort i heard it said that no one on earth knows how a mouse works and i was like that's ridiculous somebody knows how a mouse works. And I looked into it, and it's generally accepted that nobody knows how a mouse works. They're just people who understand different parts of the system.

Some people get the little ball or laser. Other people get the software. Some understand how the operating system talks to the BIOS. Some understand how the BIOS talks to the hardware. But no one knows the whole thing like like like like a cell phone is is absolutely more difficult to like wrap my head around than nuclear fission like i watched a video the other day they took a piece of uranium and they put it in this other medium like a gel or something and you can see the electron you

can't see the electrons because they're too small but you can see the path they're leaving through the other material i that's it's fissile material i get it now i the electrons because they're too small. But you can see the path they're leaving through the other material. It's fissile material. I get it now. I get it. How they're creating heat from that, making steam. Oh, we're back to something I understand. A steam engine. Great.

I understand. Yeah, how we turn a turbine, spinny things are energy. Nuclear power plants, easy to wrap your head around. It sounds like the most complicated thing, when it's really one of the more simple things. It's not that much different than a grain mill that our ancestors would have used we've just found a different way of heating thing up but when it comes to this fucking cell phone or anything truly electronic in my house i'm fucking clueless i don't i don't know i don't know i don't understand the difference between

wi-fi and bluetooth i know how they how to use them both of course i've got a fucking phone but i don't know what wi-fi is i don't know what bluetooth is i don't either there are electrical signals moving through the air i don't know what the difference between the two of them are and how they're generated how much power it takes to generate that that i don't know how like my thing knows what it i it's magic to me i know whatever science there is bluetooth it's still not there yet i know it's so much more than the problem with bluetooth is it's not error correcting so when you send information over wi-fi on the other side they have some clue what they're supposed to be accepting and they're like no no resend a thing

i missed it when you send it over bluetooth if it doesn't get there it just drops we all pretend we didn't mean to send it and that can cause problems that are a pain in the ass okay but it's much lower energy consuming so like if you were to do wi-fi earbuds they'd run out of battery power quickly okay didn't know any of this i know a little bit more but i still don't know what they are they're mad it's magic yeah it's just different kinds of magic as far as I understand. Ask me tomorrow. It's literally magic. It's no different than some shit that Loki would do on TV.

You know, taking a stroll through the park and wonder how the fuck they got Wi-Fi out of this shit. And we made a list. And figured it out. Smarter people than us figured it out little bits at a time little little bits at a time yeah what's what little bit would you say that that you in your lifetime might have contributed to the the desire for heat

i made some nachos one night. I was going to be like, ever dip onion rings in ketchup? That was me. People thought it was just for French fries, but you can do more. I like mustard for changing the game. Oh, I made this bra thing. That's something I can't. They're all fucking broke, so it's not that good.

That was just... That was phase one. Now the man's ears... If there were temporary breast implants, like, if they could, like, inject some of that, like, oil into your chest, would you do that? Depends how long it lasts

and what the effect would be, but probably. I did for a bit. So there's, like... Oh. and what the effect would be, but probably. I did for a bit. So there's like, oh, so the pill that like trans women take, like HRT, it basically just reforms your fat distribution into being a woman, right? All of it is like weirdly positive changes. Like you get like, you're more like, you get slimmer in your waist. Your skin gets infinitely better

your hair gets better you if you've got a receding hairline it'll just come back but then the downside if you're a dude anyway is like i think most guys could cope with having just a slightly bigger ass because that's kind of all that's all another yeah but most i fuck if you had to have tits forever they don't go away if you if you do that forever, they don't go away. If you do that and they don't go away, you can also just make yourself sterile. Maybe surgically they could go away. Yeah, but then you've got to have surgery. And you get that scar underneath.

Yeah. That scar can be significant. The boob surgery scar. And it's surprising to me because I don't know why boobs are hard to sew up i've seen plastic surgeons do work and the scars are amazing just tiny little like little white it looked like someone took a white pencil and just made the tiniest of lines it's not visible but on a boob like they're big purple angry scars for some period of time and i don't know why what are they taking out is it fat in

in this case maybe it is fat what you're talking about i'm talking about implants things i've seen on the internet oh yeah when they get implants that scar can be significant i was thinking of mastectomies and or more specifically like when they're changing gender uh like the the thing that um the mastectomy that you get if you're becoming a trans man um that one leaves an unsightly scar in my opinion it's like this underwire scar that looks pretty rough but with breast implants like like all the girls that i've known that have had them um had gotten them often through their implant their their uh their um what you call it their armpit armpit no one knows that word it. No, I got distracted because I thought

he had this prop over there and I was like, did you just pull that out of your chest? What is that? I'm just playing with you. I got so much stuff on my desk. I'm playing with this little watch thing. I got a watch for my birthday and it's got the clear back and stuff.

I'm just autistic or something. I just watch it go around. I like just like autistic or something. I just watch it go around. Is it a, is it, I like, I like to take my automatic watches and like, like flick them. So to get the automatic thing going and then just listen to them.

Cause you can hear all the, yeah, this one's a, so this is the, I don't know if you like watches or not. It's the Omega speed master. So it's a chronograph, which means you can just click a button and just tie it.

You can listen to it. Yeah. Yeah. I've got a couple chronograph watches. I started watching some watch videos on YouTube and then YouTube, of course, starts feeling, this guy likes watch videos. He's the watchman! Dude, it is...

I don't have any really high-end watches. The watch I wear is kind of functional. I need an altimeter. But it tempts you. It tempts you. Like a Rolex Submariner or an Omega Speedmaster or there's a new Swatch partnership with someone

that looks like an affordable... Is it with Omega? It's this exact one. Oh, we have it. Oh, no, sorry. This isn't the Swatch one. This is actually the one that is based on that. Okay.

So the Speedmaster, the Moonwatch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That looked like a starter good watch, you know, if you were into it. But, dude, I'm like, I have to stop watching these videos before I'm out five or ten grand. You can't. Okay, if it makes you feel any better i dare you to go try and buy a rolex it's i've read i didn't read i watch videos but yeah i heard that they're pretty much out of stock now so i've done it so when i got this i went to uh so here's

the thing if you can buy it like a daytona right that's people's grail watch if you can buy a daytona right now the debt what the fuck if you can buy a daytona right now you can buy a Daytona right now, what the fuck? If you can buy a Daytona right now, you can walk into a reseller same day, sell it for five times what you pay for it. They're originally 10 grand and they're going for like 50 right now. Wow. Most of Rolex is like that currently. So if you can,

people get really wealthy off that, off watches. Because if you think about it, like imagine you had the sort of money where you could put it into real estate but instead you put it into watches my my uh accountant i went to see him the other day has a tech philippe nautilus which is incredibly hard to get and it's something like he said he paid 30 grand for it and and now it's worth 120. I think they're the ones who make the World Series of Poker

bracelet, Patek Philippe. I could be wrong about that. They do some sort of prize for something I watch. They're crazy. I know it. I did the same thing you did, by the way, Woody. There's a guy that I bet

he's Scottish or something. Did he do a face reveal fairly recently, maybe? I don't know. Nico something. I don't know what his name was. But he does like a lot of watch react stuff. Like he looks at other celebrities, watches and talks about them. I got into those and screwed up my YouTube homepage.

And then I gave myself a fucking expensive hobby. Right. a video where it was i forget which watch it was maybe it was a samariter they compared that against a really good chinese fake and then suddenly it made me care deeply about differences in the font you can only see under a magnifying glass like because the like you know how if the second hand goes, like it moves once a second, it's probably an inexpensive watch. But if the movement is really smooth and goes through, it was really smooth, both of them.

It looked really good. Like I could not tell until he zooms in super close. And then like, I don't even know how to describe it. The way the paint, like on the high quality one the paint sort of arched into a stop and on the low quality one it almost did the opposite and like spread in the bottom you couldn't tell like you really needed assisted vision to be able to see the difference but suddenly i deeply cared the way the swirls on the face were looked identical and then you realize that they probably used a slightly different machine or a slightly duller

machine to make it happen and suddenly it's like oh if you think i want a 300 fake you are out of your mind call up the other 29 700 to get this one yeah I've got a... Long, long time ago, I figured out that Chinese, like Alibaba and everything, DHGate existed. Me and my dad were both fascinated by it, by the fact that you can buy all these. We found a watch that was £5.

There's a copy of it. I now know that it's a copy of a Rolex Daytona. For free shipping from China, £5 for a metal watch that works. Exactly. You kind of go like for five for free shipping from China five pounds for a metal watch don't work profit Exactly you kind of go out. How is that even? possible that they did that and it's a thing like and you almost like unless you held it you wouldn't know because What they're just you know, I mean, I'm sure someone was almost need the real one to it to know. Yeah It's stuff like the the's all fucky but that

for like 10 10 or whatever it's a rorex if you go a little more high end like you mentioned a five dollars it just says it's time to work the only one time time to work but there are better copies coming out of china that are meant to be harder to tell which is the copy and i mean they're a couple hundred dollars but gosh they're so close to the thirty thousand dollar one what you're buying really is heritage and overhead and they're better you know these swiss watches but not a lot better. Functionally, no. It's more like the difference of buying a house in real life and a house in the VR world. You can't tell the difference.

They work the same way. The only thing is when you go to sell one of them, you'll get your money back. One of them holds their value, and the other one won't. Another thing that we'll also appreciate in value is machine guns. money back. One of them holds their value and the other one won't. Another thing that we'll also appreciate in value is machine guns. I say it a lot. If you guys are into guns, if you like machine guns even,

go buy a machine gun. You say that, but Republicans run the world and they're going to be fine soon. If the Republicans ever legalized machine guns, the market would be destroyed but but that ain't gonna happen um the limited supply you can get one for five thousand oh we looked at ten thousand now they've doubled in value in the last five years so i doubt they're

gonna double in value again but uh if you want like a little mac 11 machine gun like eight nine grand something like that everything's doubled in value what yeah what is that have you haven't have you noticed that like everything you go and buy now it just feels like i'm building a whole gym right now i've noticed yeah like if it was two years like you i feel like i'm just at any new hobby i find that i'm one year ago it was way easier to find them and now that that every every i used to look at things and it was how much does it cost versus how much like how good it is that was the equation now there's a third thing can you even get it if you wanted a motorcycle or a tent like things i'm into

you have to seriously consider how many months you need to wait for this item to come you might want your second choice instead because it's available you just missed out on all the shit you want yeah yeah oh my god uh rap i guess yep i think so uh finn is there anything you want to plug uh i'm solid i'm good just go uh go look at my titties on different sites that i'm on this is the name ahead of you all right okay 594 been wanting to ask him that for a while