Painkiller Already - PKA 599 W/ Tucker: NYT On Wings Trolling, Tucker Vs Taylor Eating Contest, Chiz Messing With Taylor

Episode Date: June 11, 2022

pka 599 with our guest tucker aka jericho's i think having a good hair day taylor this episode of pka brought to you by blue chew express vpn and lock and load back in stock don't worry your loads are not going to return regress to those piddling little puddles that you were used to as a child no you can stay coming long and strong with lock and loads. Now available. Code PKA, 10% off. You know why it keeps selling out? Because you're getting lost. You're getting left behind in the come game, my friend.

Now all those girls out there on Tinder, they're getting used to big loads. Now it's not a matter of improvement as much as you're trying to keep up with the Kardashians. They want you to be six feet, make six figures, have at least six inches, and if you can't blow six milliliters per load then they don't even want anything to do with you that is the four pillars of dating the 21st century all right so buy the cum pills code pk 10 off tucker you're looking great thank you swear to god it's sexier this time i don't know it's the camera lens i'm telling you i just switch camera lenses and everybody's been like wow you're you're i can see the bags under your eyes

like yeah that's why i wear these glasses but yeah no i see just a camera lens makes a difference i need it that's good see i intentionally have my camera set to a bad focal point so my face looks as wide as possible when i get when people see me in real life, they're like, you're not nearly as hideous as you are on the show. And I'm like, that's what I go for. I stretch it out. Pleasantly surprised. I need to do it like you, though.

I sent you guys a picture today of my blood work that I was getting. It was like 20 different things they're testing for. My fucking condolences on the HIV. I'm so sorry. You know, I thought it was... COVID negative, though. COVID negative, HIV positive.

Someone's going to the movies! Well, good news, bad news. Don't have COVID. Yeah, I'm just getting my regular blood work for the Derek's's clinic you know the trt stuff and everything make sure everything's kicking along very nicely and uh this time it was

i think that they've like updated like the way they do things they may even have a new doc in in there but it's much more comprehensive the blood work that i got done today so it was a lot more vials of blood being drawn how many vials like six yeah i got i think that big like you yeah like dime they're like a nickel and like it's a good amount like a shot glass amount of blood it feels like a lot more than that no it's more than that uh i don't know how many milliliters in it because i got i got seven taking because i i went in there and like we need you to do these basic ones i'm like you know what it's been a while since i've just like had somebody tell it's kind of like a cheat code you know like they're just like what are you predisposed to so they did seven and i was really lightheaded it felt like i donated patients oh

i told you have to fast before you do this thing which is nonsense and and like without going into like what is this the year two no we're not doing that i do a 24 hour fast every 90 minutes or i get cranky i i do a good bit of fasting but like fasting and blood work just seemed like a terrible idea but i was like all right i'll fast for 12 hours but then like my morning got away from me and through things that were out of my control i had to put the blood work off to like this afternoon so now i've been like 20 fucking hours without food and uh as soon as i sit down i'm already like shaky like from like being hungry and like low energy and i'm telling him i'm like it's like a 50 50 chance i go down doc i'm like he's like

haha nah nah i'm good at this and i'm, it doesn't matter if you like beam the blood out of me, like onto the fucking Starship Enterprise. Like, like I haven't eaten in 20 hours. I don't like intravenous stuff. I'm going down like 50, 50. And sure enough, like he gets to like the last vial and he's like, you still with me? And I'm like, 70, 30. I'm going down.

We're losing the battle. 70 30 i'm going down we're losing the battle he goes he goes we're real close and i can hear the blood shooting into the vial that my heart's pounding at this point by the way um and and like i can hear it like squirting into the vial i'm not looking at it uh that'll fuck me up i can't look at it and uh and he finally gets them all done puts the thing on there and my hands are numb my hands are numb and my torso like from my belly button to the center of my chest, is growing numb and tight. Like it's a fucking heart attack coming on. And I'm like, I know I'm fine. I'm always there where I'm like, I'm master of my own domain here, okay?

I may go down, but I'll go down saying but i'll go down saying i'm going down i won't bitch out i'm like the captain on the titanic yes well here we go i'm playing us out all right so so like he gets me some some i'm like i'm gonna need some water and i want a wet washcloth and he's like yeah yeah and i'm drinking this stuff and he's trying to talk to me to like keep my mind off of it and i'm like it I'm going to need some water, and I want a wet washcloth. And he's like, yeah, yeah. And I'm drinking this stuff, and he's trying to talk to me to keep my mind off of it. And I'm like, it's not in my head, Doc. I'm like, we're on a countdown here. I don't know if we're going to make it or not.

And I'm like, if I vomit, it's going in the trash can. And if you see me shift to the floor, that means I'm going unconscious. But don't worry. Just don't let my head hit the floor, and don't call an ambulance. If you see me shift to the floor aka collapse it's like ah he's i'm telling him all this stuff i'm like i'm like don't let my head hit the floor and do not call an ambulance because i'll wake right up in like a minute i was like don't do that we're gonna be good here he's like oh yeah i'm not worried at

all and i'm like i hope you're as cool as you're pretending like you are. You come to and you're dicks in his mouth. You said, oh, he's sweet. Oh, Taylor, you sweet summer child. I think I'm the one getting mouth fucked here. 100%. But somehow, like, eventually I pulled it together and I didn't go unconscious. But I was, like, so close to fucking passing out. I passed out the last time I gave blood. Good for you, man.

Is that the first time in a while you've, you've given blood without succumbing? Well, this is like, this is a little different. This is the first time I've ever had this much of an issue with just the regular blood draw. And I know it's because I'd gone so long without eating. And, uh, and like, I was like stressing myself out about it going in. I'm like, you've been 20 hours without having any food. And they're about to pull so much goddamn blood out of you.

And it's so dark when they pull it out. It's like black. If I ever look. Dark cherry. Yeah. It's very dark. Because it's not getting hit with all that oxygen. So it's just beautiful.

It has to do with your iron count, maybe. Oh. I've heard that term. My hemocrit or some shit. Who fucking knows? Who fucking knows? I bet I could sell my blood. If they were

real vampires, they would want some of my blood. It would be like a PED for them. You think so? You think they'd keep you alive, like chained to a wall? Just siphoning enough of your PEDs well no they gotta they gotta let me loose so I can pump some iron I gotta I gotta I gotta keep like like strong for him I think I think that's part of what makes my blood no you're just a vessel for them at that

point they're like yeah he's touching the rock don't you waste the strength we can have on that rock we're gonna suck that you know this sounds like a cow a cow being like you know I'm so much tastier when i'm free range it's like no you're going in the cage i'm sorry after fucking 30 years all your veins are collapsed like a heroin addict so they have to start sucking the the energy out of your dick you know i asked the nipples i asked him about that because because like i'm pretty lean um and and my i don't know i'm pretty muscular so like he was like ah it doesn't matter matter which arm. I could hit your vein from a mile away. I was like, we're talking about that a little bit.

I was like, is it hard to do fat people? He's like, actually, no. You just push all that fat down, and they got those big old fat veins in there. Really? That's not what I heard. I was flexing on the woman. They always tell me my veins are easy to find. She's like 12 feet away, past my feet, right?

And she's like, yeah, you do have good veins. I can see them from here. I was like, fuck, yeah, you can. You can see them across the room. Yeah, you can. Like the main vein. She's like, no, easier access. It's easier access with the big one in your arm and you're like oh i owned myself at the blood clinic

no but i didn't go down you're talking about the fat people veins all the nurses i know and have spoken to are the complete opposite of what you said where they're like if someone like you comes in they're like easiest day in the world where's the vein well it's a half centimeter raised above the rest of the flesh there it is whereas with fat people apparently it's like and when i say fat i mean like morbidly obese people it's like fuck there's nothing visible in the back of the hands there's nothing visible here you just kind of have to hope that you're gonna to get in the right area yeah i should have said morbidly obese instead of fat because yeah yeah like i was i'm at a lab core and i think that like 90 of the business they do in the blood draws they do or for people who are like getting a job i don't know in my head i just don't see more i don't see a lot of morbidly obese people in the job market. Who's the worst to find veins on?

You think about what makes a fat guy. They've got no muscle tone and big puffy arms. That makes it hard. Babies. Babies with Down syndrome. Oh, shit. That's like the pinnacle, the boss character of finding a vein. Does Down syndrome make your veins smaller?

It makes you uncooperative. Oh, that too. Yeah, Down syndrome people don't have the same musculature that typical people have. I don't know what they're called. Please say humans. Yeah, yeah. They just don't put on muscle very well.

Oh, that's weird. I didn't know. Yeah, I had no idea. Oh, did you see that Ukrainian guy with Down syndrome? Yeah. They were escaping Ukraine, and his mother tells him that he's going to see John Cena. But in reality, we're running from the war. But just to keep the little guy, like, poking.

Yeah, having a fun time. From freaking out. I'm such a bad person just imagining this kid being like, they're like, how was the trip? He's like, just want to see John Cena. Or maybe they were like, the next day, they're like, how was the trip? He's like, just want to see John Cena. Or maybe they were like, the next day, they're like, Put your hands up! You can't see me.

That's where I was going with it. What if they did that? What if they were like, here's John! And nobody was there, but they pulled in an emperor's new clothes. It's like, oh my god! Everybody is like john cena they play the music and everybody like shakes hands with an invisible person

selfies taken with an invisible person he's done the most make-a-wishes yeah well what actually happened was john cena saw that saw what was happening and showed up at the kid's fucking house yeah look at that shit that's so good john cena rocks that's so kind of him oh that little dude's life and i bet he gets to keep that belt right no not unless he pins john he doesn't go he doesn't go easy on him either no john won that thing in a ladder match wrestlemania 237 against the undertaker he has not given it to that that's probably not the real one the real one's probably in the louvre you know somewhere you know yeah where it belongs yeah a smithsonian i don't know why there's i don't even know what that is did you see the uh the the retard that like broke into

the louvre or whatever the fuck and tried to throw paint all over um a cake yeah climate activist and it's behind like six feet of glass and it's not even the real one half the time so they were and tried to throw paint all over... A cake. Yeah, climate activists. And it's behind like six feet of glass and it's not even the real one half the time. So they were just like, what are you doing? You're just like, you're like attacking a copy of a copy of a copy of the Mona Lisa. Yeah. Like they showed him.

But he didn't even attack it. He like hit a... It would be like going outside... No, he hit it with the paint. No, there's a glass wall there. It would be like going to the department store and seeing some fancy Gucci shit and throwing paint on the glass

and running away and being like, yeah, fuck you, capitalist pig. Yeah, but there's glass in front of it. It looks like he hit it. Exactly. His aim was on it. I'm not saying he did. I understand that there's glass.

Yeah, it's really crazy. I wouldn't think that Steve Aoki would stoop to this level. It's disgusting and I'm done with him. Yeah. I don't know who that level. It's disgusting, and I'm done with him. Yeah. I don't know that they have glasses. It's lost on me. How big is the Mona Lisa?

It's real little, apparently. It's about the size of a piece of printer paper. But that actually makes it harder, right? Because the littler the painting, the more the detail would be hard to do with the paint. I don't know how to paint but it's probably a happy spot in the middle right like if you really shrink it down it's hard and if you make it really really big it's hard in a different way fair yeah like if you have the sistine chapel that wasn't a cakewalk that was tough because like i i have i don't remember what comedian does it maybe it was like

jim gaffigan back in the day but like trying to like write out happy birthday on a piece of poster board freehand before chasing it you're you're you're wise getting all fucked up like day is going to be way smaller and that guy had to plan out like where god was going to be where the man was going to be a lot of cherubs in the mix. That's a good point. Who painted that? Michelangelo. Leonardo DiCaprio, I think. Leonardo DiCaprio? I saw that movie.

He plays Leonardo in the movie. It was in between Wolf of Wall Street and The Revenant. The Da Vinci Code. It was either Da Vinci or Michelangelo. The Mona Lisa, I think. I don't know which. I think it was Da Vininci or michelangelo did the mona lisa i think um i don't remember which i think it was davinci but that i'm thinking of a different thing i'm not talking about the sistine anymore but but uh i remember hearing a story maybe it's just tell me a sistine

built this chapel yeah it was like um exactly those two uh but uh i i want to say that like uh some like wealthy patron was hiring hiring the artist for a job, and he wanted, like, show me what you can do before I hire you to do this thing. And he just freehand drew a perfect circle. I hope that that's a true story. I hope that's real. I choose to believe it's real. Well, I mean, I've seen people draw perfect, you know, using their shoulder as a pivot.

I think he drew one about this fucking day, though. I've seen somebody do like that, too, as well, where they just keep their... I mean, it's incredible, but... Well, it turned out he could do more than circles, I guess. Have you seen the guy... I'm cutting you off. Please cut. No, no, go ahead.

I like Da Vinci. I think he's a... I like the idea of renaissance men. I like the idea of a guy who's just so good at being a guy that anything he applies himself to is seemingly child's play and he masters it. And I bet he was good at sports too. I don't think Da Vinci was good at sports. I bet he was good at cunnilingus. Cunnilingus?

Well, that would be a surprise because he was very gay. Yeah. Was he? Yes. Don't you doubt my man, Leonardo DiCaprio. Is it real gay or is it like this modern gay where it's like, so-and-so from the 1500s had a close male friend.

It's like, mamma mia, he sucked a lot of cock. Mamma mia. I bet he was good at that. Very gay man. and bless his soul just just what a genius taylor you found it like you did that sophie and her friend thing just there like yeah these people they slept together in the same bed all the time and they cohabitated but they weren't they were just friends you're not familiar with sophie and her friend that i don't know the sophie and her friend i don't know what that is but i i was just because sometimes that's definitely true where it'll be like hey here's a passage from

alexander the great talking about how much he likes balls and it's like oh well that's pretty cut and dry but then other times it'll be like do you know that abraham lincoln had a close friend named steve and sometimes because they lived in the year 1810 or 1810 they fucking had to share a bed in their little cabin and they're like yeah I bet they were deep dicking each other in that bed and it's like okay I get there were gay people throughout history not everybody who had a close friend of the same sex was fucking them

yeah look the gays love to go back and like retroactively steal historical figures from us they're right for us they'll never say Hitler was gay. We're trying to steal the good ones. We should,

we should propagate the idea that Eva Braun was trans. And then who's Eva Braun? Hitler's girl. Hitler's slam. Ah, okay. Yeah. Pretty girl.

Yeah. What is she? I don't really remember what she looked like. I mean, yeah. Pretty enough. Better looking than the rest of the allied leaders. Ladies, Eleanor Roosevelt. Alright, guys.

Top 10 hottest historical figures. Go. Out of respect. Alexander the Great, based on his Avatar and Civilization 5. She's pretty hot. I don't know what I could mean by hot. We talked about how lenses can change

things around. This is a fucking black and white Nazi picture. She's smoking hot. She's much better looking than the guy to the left. Who's that? If he didn't have a bunch of military men in like Hugo Boss suits and stuff,

she wouldn't have been interested. So that, I remember one time, I've talked about this before, but I thought presidential wires would be hot, right? I was under the impression that if you went, or, okay, okay, you might be thinking of them while they were president. It's hard for women who were

like 66 to be super hot. Let's just give them a cut on some slack. thinking of them while they were president. It's hard for women who were like 66 to be super hot. Let's just give them a cut on some slack. And say that when they were 20. Yeah, anybody. Yeah, anybody, right, right. It's harder for women. But the 22-year-old version of them I expected to be very hot. Not like you'd think.

Because the president of the United States are some of the most successful people in the history of humanity, right? Whoever the president is. I know right now we're thinking Biden, but whatever whatever but let's just agree that if you win the president of the united states you're a successful man republican democrat etc so these are men that could pull some great tail but throughout history a lot of them didn't yeah i think we've talked about this before my take on it has always been that these are guys who had wives at home who fulfilled the role of the wife, which was a very different thing back then. This was the homemaker and the figurehead. She was the one you take to a party and say, that's my wife.

Yeah, she checks the man. But there's a lot of side chicks, I imagine, going on. Eleanor Roosevelt is probably one of the most powerful women who ever existed. If you think about it, she was running the country during World War II, more or less. After Pearl Harbor, it wasn't FDR who was first to talk to the American people and say,

let's take this easy. Things are about to get rough for you. We always hear the speech, a day which will live in infamy. It was Eleanor Roosevelt. Like the next day. That was her voice. She was ugly. She was Eleanor Roosevelt. Like the next day. That was her voice. Damn, she was ugly. She was a day late. She was a day late.

We'll live in infamy. Would you fuck me? I'll fuck you. That's Buffalo Bill, god damn it. Yeah, another successful man. She was the first to radio address the... I mean, yeah, yeah. Followed his dream.

I think that it's more a problem of like... Well, you know, top left. Is that who that is? I just think it's going to be... You're going to have a tough time attracting somebody who's attractive while you're spending all of your time worrying about, listen, oh, man. Let's break it down. All right, so this lady with the blue shirt and the white hair that you hovered over,

that looks like Terry fucking Shivo, okay? Is that Barbara Bush? That must be Barbara Bush because they're going in order, right? Any of you guys out there who are younger than 30, do a quick Google of who Terry Shivo was. That was a big case i remember that one yeah remember when family guy did it and did that song that like that terry shivo is kind of alive look i'm gonna have to call some like instagram bullshit for like the last hillary wins

for the last five of them because look look look, that is not what Hillary looked like. Where was she when she had her hair done and her lipstick on? That's New Yorker Hillary. It was 1988. I will say they did seem to pick a great Hillary. I've never seen that. That's Bush Sr.'s wife

next to her, right? Yeah, Michelle looks great, but that's also like professional. I think it's better to look good it's better to look at everybody and be like how did you like we're presidential wives photos how are they so janky like the one next to barbara bush like what the what the fuck's going on there next to barbara i mean this is made by someone that absolutely loves bill clinton is that uh would Bush. Would that be Jimmy Carter's wife? Where's Nancy Reagan? It's actually just Bill Clinton's top.

Barbara Bush, ugly heifer, but this girl to her right. Barbara Bush should have been Nancy Reagan. Maybe that's a young Nancy Reagan, just not used to seeing her. Yeah, maybe so. Can we agree that those hairstyles were, I'm so glad we got whatever was going on. This little thing here. Yeah, that thing, we got rid of that. Well like 16 year old boys are getting perms that's what's in now it seems big fan of the memes of the of the 15 year old 16 year old like zoomer boys with like

the the i don't know if you've seen them but it'll be it's there's one of like bill clinton or uh george bush sitting there get with the secret service his ear, and it's like, sir, it's 100% not bussing. These planes flew into the building, no cap on. For real, for real. Yeah, he's like, oh, no. That is good. Those are funny, those 9-11. Because, I mean, the kids making those memes now,

the Zoomers, they weren't alive for 9-11 probably. That's why it's so, this is, now we get, like, we finally made it to the point where 9-11 can be publicly funny outside of, like, you know. Isn't it, isn't it what the, didn't South Park say 21 years? Hasn't it been exactly 21 years? Yeah, 21 years, you're right, it has been 21 years. Well, it's like one and a half generations, right? So now, like, the people that were like alive and going through the thick of that and stuff like us like i'm just like i don't know man it's

well there's the people like i don't think it's funny constant adults at the time and then there were people like me and tucker and to a lesser extent kyle where i was just like well not kyle understood what's going on i was just like we're getting to school early hell yes like pokemon all afternoon baby pretending to be an urchi in the woods with my friend when when i think of 9-11 now i don't just think about when i think of 9-11 now i don't just think about you know the buildings and that day i think of everything that happened because of it you know i think about tsa i well fuck the tsa i think about i know i think about the patriot act. I think about the massive loss of freedoms that will never get back again.

And that reactionary moment we had with George Bush. I mean, Dick Cheney leading us into the future and the trillion dollars that we threw away in the Middle East to kill a million Iraqis who had nothing to do with it. You know, and we went to Afghanistan, obviously, to get Osama bin Laden. it you know and i mean we went to afghanistan obviously to get osama bin laden but like the whole thing was like saudi arabian money and saudi arabian actors and maybe like a yemeni or two but like afghanistan just supplied the jungle gym they trained nearby yeah they put their feet in as they got in shape yeah seven tires and a pull-up bar and 20 years of occupation. We should have never let them do dips here.

I remember, do you remember, and for those of you who don't get that reference, we were fed this same news footage over and over. Over and over again. Of guys wearing black get-ups with AKs on their backs on monkey bars in the desert and i remember thinking even as a kid like well way to goddamn man let's not overreact they're all monkey bars in the desert yeah yeah why are we using cruise missiles when angle grinders will do

i remember as a kid seeing those videos and i had no conception of what was up like i was i was in my young teens but i remember watching and being like damn those guys are preparing they get on the jungle gyms with all their guns and then they run through those tires and then i guess they get do the jungle gym again there's only two things there's only there's only two things here these guys have a tremendous amount of spryness and upper body strength at the very least i mean you just watch like well you just you'd see that you'd see like the background footage with like the the military vest and like a couple beat up white toyota zooming around in the background and people like eight people in the back and i was like yeah that looks like a lot of

personnel and then they'd immediately cut to like the shock and all night vision like like clips of like a barrage of rockets flattening a city block and you're like i just seems a little disproportionate but i i'm seven what do i know oh yeah they're like they're like we gotta we gotta lock in on eight terrorists yeah we're playing four square i watched it there's a great uh video it's on youtube all over the internet i'm sure and it's like an apache gunship or something they're watching dude we we lost to this we straight up lost to these hopscotching leapfrog playing if we had made war more fun it would have been better you know but we made it too serious every that was the problem we lost the fun of war we won every battle we just lost the war. It's just funny. At the end of a Call of Duty search and destroy,

we may have lost the battle, but not the war. I believe that. I believe that happened in Vietnam. I believe that happened in Afghanistan. I don't know how to measure Iraq. Korea was the last real loss we took, in my opinion.

Korea, what happened? Not Vietnam? No, because we decided to lose Vietnam. Korea, the Chinese came and kicked us out. We lost Vietnam because we didn't want to... It's true. It's a story. Let's not make a point. We lost Vietnam

because we decided not to win. Because the public weren't supporting the war. We didn't want to use the tactics that would have allowed us to win, like bombing the North. And they spent all that time deforesting the South and fighting in jungles against, you know, Viet Cong. And we won.

We still won every single battle. Like, we decided the war was just not cool anymore. And so we stopped doing it. Korea, on the other hand, we got made to look like fools by the Chinese. No, but not in Vietnam. We didn't look foolish. Do you know what the KD for Vietnam was? Doesn't matter. We lost.

I don't see it that way. We don't play the objective. We played the objective. I'm just saying this is a very hindsight 2020 American History Channel take where it's like, actually, we took our ball and went home. So there was no battle. It was a draw home. You could also make the case that like, yeah, they lost support for the American public for the war.

But isn't that kind of part of maintaining the war is you have to make a case as to why you can rationalize that sort of spending to the public and they can no longer do it. And so if anything, we should have got out of there earlier i don't know what that has to do with anything i just think that that that's a word that we chose to to lose um if we wanted to win it i mean i mean why don't they start dropping nukes on north on the north part of the country right like or or send a million men over there or just keep grinding them away with bomb we never bombed the north i always go back to that but it's just the truth but in korea like the chinese just came down and just fucked us like just fucked us all the way back to whatever what is it a 38th parallel or whatever like it was a humiliating loss what do you mean and i'm

sure you can educate me on this so we didn't bomb we. We didn't napalm in Vietnam, North Vietnam. Oh, so I'm talking about the cities and infrastructure in the North, in their capital. What was the capital of North Vietnam? Is it Hanoi? Yeah, something like that. Ho Chi Minh City?

They didn't bomb up there the way that the generals wanted to bomb. I think it was a political decision. I know a lot less about Vietnam than I do Korea, thoughorea is fucking wild i don't know anything about either the chinese sent like a million so so you know i did an 18 page paper on the uh uh the french involvement in the american involvement in vietnam and let me tell you this dude named adarn westad wrote a large book and i read it all and i retained very little but but but it didn't seem like he thought we won so yeah odd arn westad he was he was pretty

adamant on the on the l we held no gap if we had if we had a really big like no one can deny victory since world war ii i think that was like and also we didn't even we kind of just stole the show there we didn't really put in a lot of like that's that is true we basically showed up like way far into it and the uk is like oi bruv we can't afford a wall anymore and we're like we'll loan you all the money yeah if we can own you forever bitch yeah and then and then we went in and i mean without america they couldn't have won right no no no no no no they definitely could because the supply chain it was basically like you know everybody was making a tank an hour forgetting about japan like like like i think

the germans would have fallen i think without u.s military intervention at all i don't think we needed to send a single troop i think a lot more russians and and brits and french would have died in the long run uh but but i think that they could have won without us probably there. We definitely needed to keep sending them money and materiel, though. But I don't know what happens in the Pacific if we don't island hop across the biggest ocean in the world and just fuck shit up the whole way. The Pacific is the coolest part of the war. Everybody like principally attacking.

Like it was the rape of Nanking. Like they were going to mainland China. was that the the biggest of their focus there then they were they had they had seven to eight million troops scattered throughout the region at the end at the time of the surrender so there were guys who had been away for so long they didn't know what had happened back home like they came home to rubble. They were all over the region though, from the Philippines to China and like budding up getting close to Russia.

They had conquered an enormous swath of land there. But if you look at their reasoning, this is getting real History Channel and boring. I'll stop. No, I was engaged. Yeah, I'm interested. It was like a video game, right? Where you're like, we don't have enough iron like we just don't have it like when you play civ sometimes

like you just don't have iron or oil or wood or whatever it's like all right well i'm fucked like i might as well quit that's why russia's so good or or i could go take woody's fucking wood what he's not even looking all right bow what is what is mine and that's what they did like sweeping across the region. There's your mistake. Woody's wood is not playing with his wood. You can't take that without my notice. They needed oil, they needed timber, they needed rubber.

They needed those things, and they didn't have them in the amounts that they wanted them. Hmm. Well, maybe we'll get them next war. We got them last war. Maybe we'll round two. No, not World War II. I was talking about the whole scope of wars.

Instead of Afghanistan, next war, we'll bring it home. Bring home the gold. I think you're wrong about this winning wars thing. Like, I think that we have. Yeah, that's loser talk. Yeah. Sounds like somebody who's been beat back geopolitically. Hi, I'm an incel, and I think you're a little hung up on getting laid.

It's just like no, like, all right, so like we were at war with the Al-Qaeda, right? Yes, yes. I mean, we got the guy that ran the thing. Doesn't that a W? I mean, we won that battle, but not the war. Oh, now it's battles and wars. I guess it depends. You know what we need to do more clearly define achievable goals and then if we achieve them call it a win i really

agree but when you can always agree with you but when you always change your achievable goals like if russia was the goal was to you know conquer ukraine in a blitzkrieg in four days and then they change it to just as secure like donbass, region to the east like does that make it a loss if they ended up with a net positive but didn't achieve their initial goals? Like it's going to be hard because it's really only the only people that get to decide if you win or not are the people that are involved.

I think after Vietnam or during the like talks to like quit Vietnam it was like peace with honor or something like that. Looking for a way to say alright, we're fucking done, but not look bad at the same time.

Here's a picture of an American GI with his pants down and ass spread. It's okay. They're all elderly now. No one's going to care. They don't have YouTubes around. Those were American heroes. Yeah, they gave their ass for for the u.s dude i feel bad for those guys like they they must have gone into it like we're gonna come back like our uncles and parents and we'll be heroes because they saw world war ii and everything and then they come back and like people spit on

them yeah which is like called them and like and think about that you get torn out of your life drafted forced to fight a war that you don't want to fight and then you come home and people spit on you and it's like you're a trash person like they that's just wild and they knew at the time they got drafted in right yeah everyone knew yeah oh well no not everyone was drafted yeah but a lot of them had some people may have joined because what did they do to Yeah. Everyone knew. Yeah. Oh, well, no, not everyone was drafted. Yeah, but a lot of them had some people may have joined because what did they do to incentivize joining before they could give out Camaros? You know, because I just a day of the year and every male born in a certain year on that day had to go in the next few days and register. So they'd be like, April 6th, if you're born in April 6th between 1948

and 1952, show up at your local, you know, impound store or whatever. That's awful. I'd shoot myself in the foot. You didn't know that? That's how they did it, lotteries. So like every, so like five different birthdays would come up every couple weeks, and if you were one of those birthdays, you were born in Vietnam.

I didn't know that lottery number. I didn't realize it was birthday based. Birthdays. Yeah, I didn birthdays, you were in Vietnam. No, there's no way. I didn't realize it was birthday based. Birthdays. My dad, I didn't know that until I read about it. It's interesting. My dad told me some story about that once. Cause his birth, he's a 1953,

uh, in April. And, uh, and, and he, he was like, I think maybe he said it was the day next to his day was like one of the,

you know, came up and it was like, and I'm like, I asked him once, I'm like, would you have gone, you know, would you have gone and, you know came up and it was like and i'm like i asked him once i'm like would you have gone you know would you have gone and you know to vietnam he's like there was no question you know if they if they they come and they load you up in a truck and they fucking take you like where am i gonna go to canada i don't know where i don't know anybody in canada this is my home yeah yeah you go i want to read this two-thirds of the u.s military served in the vietnam war and more than half of the names on the wall volunteered for duty the other one-third were drafted primarily

into the army beginning in 1969 draftees were picked via a televised lottery based on the date of birth okay yeah catch me sitting there with my boys drinking heavily waiting for him like come on this is the worst powerball ever there were a couple ways to beat the draft, right? One was like... The Ted Nugent. The Ted Nugent. He literally pooped himself and made him seem crazy. Listen, I would feel confident.

There's the Donald Trump, where he had a doctor that was a friend of the family who said that he had bone spurs, right? So that was a way. But another way was to go to college. And if you can get accepted into college, there's a student deferment, stuff like that. And I think there was another one too, but there were a couple ways to dodge the draft.

Probably some family-based stuff that made you less likely maybe? There was a family-based one, but to Woody's point, I was going to bring up the other one because that's how my grandpa got exempted. If you were a farm worker who was like – if you worked on a farm worker who was like like if you own if you like worked on a farm and like did stuff like livestock raising or like and you were deemed to be like indispensable to the running of that you're part of the war they they took you out of it and were like we you are

worth more working on this farm raising cattle or raising livestock or raising you know crops than you are with the war effort so he's got a notice about that. Where I was headed with that is it became kind of class-based. Like some of these things, going to college, working on a farm, owning a farm, like it's the unemployed. It's the, you know. We send our poor to die. Yeah.

Well, it wasn't just poor. Like my grandpa didn't own a farm. He just was a worker on a farm who like he was 22 years old he didn't have running water it was just an amount you're invalidating my argument oh sorry we don't want your anecdotal evidence to the contrary of what he's saying oh yeah there were some uh maybe being a parent i'm not sure about that one but yeah there were some um uh class-based things that let you avoid the draft. And like Tucker said, we sent our poor to war.

Probably won't do that again. I think we're a little more hip to that. Eventually we will. No, every country in the world sends their poor to war. The next time we need to send people to war, it will be poor people. When it's time to snatch people and draft people, the same thing will happen be it will be poor people when it's time to snatch people and draft people the same thing will happen it will be poor people there will be ways to get exemptions and the poor won't be able to come up with them it'll always be that way it has it has always been that way for all eternity kind of point like that's why the that's a you know large reason of why

the army is built off of uh like reliable, food and housing. Like that's like, it's like, Oh, you can't get it elsewhere. Well, look at this. It's not good, but like you get it. So all the way back.

I had, well, I hadn't looked at it through that lens, but I, I, I so completely agree with you. That's another reason why I say we've never lost a war. Those three reliable food,

pay and housing. Yeah. I mean, it's literally like, don't people point to to a lot of like repeat uh uh offenders as a reason for them to go back to jail with non-violent crimes is to have a structured place like that to live and i mean like that's also a definite draw to the other one so in my little I've seen adults, parents encourage their kid to go into the military when they think they need that structure.

Right. So you're sort of doing a talking about how the kids might opt into it because they I'm talking about a neat using the military as like it because it really is. If you're looking at it, your likelihood to see combat as the United States military servicemen right now, like probably the lowest it's ever been. Right. We lost how many people in the 20 years of Iraq? States military servicemen right now, like probably the lowest it's ever been. Right. We lost how many people in the 20 years of Iraq, like your likelihood of dying in a conflict. Like we're looking at, we're looking at how war is changing and stuff. Like I see a lot. I had a lot of friends of mine who pre pandemic were working in the music industry.

I say a lot. I mean, literally two, but that's a lot versus zero my whole life. Right. That's went to two, but that's a lot versus zero my whole life. Right. That's went to the, went to the military. He was like, like, why would I not go get station? I'm Korean American. Why would I not go get priority station back in, in Korea and get paid for it and do menial tasks over there until like things settle down. And I'm like, Oh, yep. Okay. That's an outlet that a lot of people find themselves in. And something that, like you say, and that brought it up in my mind, just kind of realizing this now,

a lot of the people who are brought in like grunts, like Army, like that in Vietnam, that would have been like the draft people. We don't have a draft now, but I'm sure this kind of carries over, is like the people, like I know a friend who's very high up in the Marines, I'll say. Like he went on special missions and stuff. And he is a guy who like his whole life, he wanted to be a Marine. He had toys of Marines as a kid that like you asked that kid at seven years old. I remember cause he went to first and second grade together, all those schools.

He, everyone else was like, I want to be a police officer. I want to be a dinosaur. And he's like, I want to be a U S recon want to be a dinosaur and he's like i want to be a u.s recon marine and they're like what and he's like yeah a recon marine like a scout marine like a sniper and it's like what are you talking about he was obsessed with that his whole life and so like i imagine that a lot of these like creme de la creme like elite guys like the seals the like it's not it's not like the fucking it's not like a captain america where some loser comes in and they're like, you happen to be the best Marine of all time.

No, these guys want to be the tippity top and they train for it. It's like the backfill of the bulk that is people who don't want to be there. I don't know what the death rates are like, but I would actually imagine a lot more of the operation operation teams die by you will probably get a really we will probably get hopefully in in five to one year post-conflict get a good breakdown of like more that of what you're talking about like how much of the people fighting our conscripts are low trained in people like what does war two it was massive like right i want to say 41 of the united states army was illiterate and all of russian yeah all of the russian something like that or maybe 41 had never been to school like it was

some absurd stat like that i've been watching world war ii documentaries all week i love that shit i found like that amazon prime has amazon uh video whatever it's called has like so many really good world war ii docs from like 2018 and later i'm sure you've seen like world war ii in color but there's one that's world war no it's the pacific in color and that's a great one and they have like they have color footage that was super rare at the time to even be done but like they based the show around these weird little bits of color footage that they have from from the era so you get a little bit of that weird backstory of like what a normal person's life was like

at like the footage is some guy who was on vacation like a film student and in hawaii so he's showing he's filming hula girls and like people dancing and barbecuing and then war he's like fuck the war has started and he's in he's recording it was are they uh really cool they're like serious documentaries because i enjoy those like i i know the in like very specific color i've seen that because well like the ones like the history channel ones like i don't want like i don't give a fuck when it's like the nazis and the satanic oh no no no it's like well how about we learn about the tanks? Like, that sounds more fun to me than like being like Hitler may be like to demons.

And it's like, well, I definitely don't fucking care what I watch. No, these are the worst. Not this isn't the trash. This is what I really like. The one about the Battle of Midway. I really liked the Pacific in color. And there was one about a specific japanese island that was difficult to take maybe caraway or karakai or caro some some is that

no the violence was called karawai or something like that it was it's just this little strip of nothing like like there's barely trees on it's so little and they it's just bristling with guns and bunkers and stuff like there's no cover i can't over uh overstate like how flat and little this little strip that they sent an entire company of marines or some battalion they sent a battalion 1500 men like to take it but it's being held by maybe an equal uh group of japanese they were like they were tunneled in right like they they were tunneled in, right? Like they were in bunkers everywhere. And like one of the interesting little tales of that battle of taking that island. I think we

lost a thousand men, a thousand Marines taking the island in the end. Jesus Christ. And the Marines that were there, they had a few of them still alive somehow. And he was like, by that night we were so tired and beat down, shot to shit. If they had attacked us then, they'd have pushed us right off the island,

right into the water we'd have went. But they didn't. And that next morning, help was coming. And I was like, oh, that's great. But why didn't the Japs attack? And then they go, unbeknownst to the Americans, they had blown up the admiral and his entire command staff the day before. Like someone just saw some guys running wearing cool uniforms

and called them out, spotted them like Battlefield, and a naval gun blew up. There's a Jap in a cool hat at these coordinates. I think he's important. They literally did that. That's the big part of the island, if you can imagine. Look how little it is. You can see men at the bottom for scale.

That is a teeny tiny island. this would be a small resort yeah this is i mean this is a nice old vacation island you go spend the night or the day there yeah i imagine there used to be trees yeah yeah you can see the craters they bombarded this ship with naval gunfire for like a very long time i don't remember how long maybe. Maybe hours and hours and hours. Thousands of shots. But it's so low they couldn't use their big guns because there's no drop off. They're just skipping off the ground. This is such a tiny island you can literally see

specks of people on the other shore. On the opposite side. What a teeny little... This wasn't Midway. This was a different one? No. Is it Carraway or something like that? Interesting.

Yeah. It's not Midway. I love World War II stuff, but I want to learn more about World War I stuff. Terroir? Terroir. World War I is criminally underdone. It's a cool war and no one talks about it ever.

I like learning about the gas attacks. i like learning about the gas attacks i like learning about the i don't know that it was cool it's just like i mean interesting it was interesting seeing the pivot from old style war to new style yeah there were cavalry charges into machine guns and barbed wire and it was like wait it's nope you just wish that someone had been like, oh, shit. Dude, that was a huge... This isn't going to work. That may have even been World War II. Maybe it was World War I. No, World War I, where the Polish responded to the Nazi armament infantry.

Yeah, the winged hussar. They respond against the armament that the Nazis had, and they just got absolutely blown apart. Well, they weren't Nazis. The Kaisers, I'm sorry. I got ahead of myself. Those proud-eating Kaisermen. Well, no one seems to...

What was their thing? No one ever talks about how much they disliked the Kaiser. Probably because... You know what? The Kaiser was probably like, people will remember me for a hundred years.

It's like, try 13, bitch, because another guy's going to show up and he's going to steal the show. Well, remember, World War I was the one when Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated. There was just... try 13 bitch because another guy's gonna show up and he's gonna he's gonna remember world war one world war one was the one where when arc duke ferdinand was assassinated there was just because of all of the treaties and pacts between every country in the world it was like oh you're going

to war with them but we're going to war with you you're going to war with them but we're going to war with you and it was like you just wish that there had been telecommunications because you know that someone could be like whoa hang on let on, let's get on Zoom, guys. Like, hang on, hang on. We can fix this. You know what war nobody talks about that's a great one? The Chadian-Libyan Great Toyota War. I've never heard of this. I'd love to be educated.

It is a war that was fought, yes, that was fought primarily in the truck bed of Toyota trucks. And what they did, if I remember correctly, was they had littered the area with landmines. But because you could floor the Toyota, you could go over the landmines before they were triggering detonate. So that's how they infiltrated in. They need to put that in a commercial. Yeah, yeah. Perfect for infiltration.

Libya lost one-tenth of its army, 7,500 men, and a billion dollars of military equipment. But yeah, the Great Toyota War. Chad. It's looking like Chad. Well, it looks like France was offering some help to Chad there. So I guarantee the French help with Chad. I don't imagine Chad had a big military i imagine france showed up with some like and you know then libya had to be like yeah oh no that's a trained military and they also have toyotas

look at that guy he's got a new pathfinder everybody yeah everyone's in a war corolla like it's uh like it's mad max coming out of the optional sunroof with a spear that'd be great yeah that's a huge l only a thousand people killed from the france chad alliance truly chad shit pushed in and if you want to know someone who knows about getting his shit pushed in it's muhammad gaddafi because because of how he drink of else poor kid or no was he the guy that was he was the guy who got shoved like torn apart and shit shoved in him right and then his head was on a stake i think that was yeah yeah they like uh they sodomized

gaddafi with like a pole or something. Well, the people who didn't like him. No, it was Libya. You remember, we did this. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, we bombed them. This was the whole thing. And then Gaddafi got overthrown, and they raided him. They sodomized him, and then they tore him apart and put his head on a stake.

Gaddafi was another guy who was a previously rational actor until something in the wind changed, and he became a madman. So what? How does this keep happening? I always lean on that. This guy is an ally like Saddam Hussein. That is a madman. Well, do you remember what happened?

He was a madman forever. Like, first of all, that whole like posse of ladies he's got watching his back. He's raping all those women. Muammar Gaddafi? I think he ended slavery in Libya, didn't he? Massive rapist. Just huge rapist. That's probably why they sodomized him.

And he was a problem for years, supporting terrorism across the globe. And then 9-11 happened. And someone must have called him or something because he immediately was like, hey, I'm not with them. I've got some shit y'all need to come look at. I don't know who left it here, but it's scary. Y'all should come take all that. Yeah, bombs and missiles.

I don't know where. I don't know. He gave up his shit. He like immediately showed George Bush's asshole and like gave up. And then like then once he was disarmed and it didn't have any bargaining chips aka chemical or nuclear weapons or anything like that then you know we probably bombed him and let some rebels come in and yeah atomize them as we let let some rebels come in with like with like new new icons they're driving chevy Who sent them? Did you see that?

This was like a year or two ago now, but it was like showing like Afghanistan, like troops with new trucks or something like the Taliban or maybe it was Al-Qaeda. I don't remember ISIS. It was ISIS actually. And it was showing like new trucks that ISIS somehow procured. And one of them said like Steve Mason's number one tile repair company.

And it had like a Michigan phone number. And it was like a viral tweet where this guy's like, I don't know how, but we turned in our truck and now it's delivering ISIS members across the Middle East. Rest assured, Steve Mason's painting company does not stand alongside ISIS. I don't know why they wouldn't remove the decal, frankly. But it was. It was an old Toyota with a Michigan number on it. Yeah, something at Mark 1 Plumbing. And I loved it. They've got the fucking

technical on the back, fucking laying it down. Jesus Christ. That's so funny funny what is a technical is that a category that's a yeah it's it's when whenever they put a piece of shit like this on the back of a pickup truck and it looks like the guy who operated operates it's not going to live very long it's that i don't know what kind of gun that is um it looks like it falls under the classification of technical like many guns would that whole thing we're looking at as a technical in my oh is that include the truck

yeah okay okay this is a fighting vehicle now this is this is transcended i like they they're cool enough to blur the gunner's face i think that's like a 20 millimeter gun or something or maybe like the russian equivalent that's a big it's canon yeah yeah you don't want to get hit with it that'd be really cool to shoot have you shot something very close to that yeah i shot a bolt action rifle that shoots 20 millimeter rounds um um i think 50 caliber is like 13.7 millimeter so like that's your comparison um from 50 caliber up to 20 millimeter. What is that, an anti-tank gun? Like, what do you use a PTRS? What do you use it for?

It's the round that, like, fighter jets shoot. Like, it's what our fighter jets have shot for a long time. It's like their brrrr gun. So, like, it's an anti-aircraft weapon to some extent. But the one I was shooting had been chambered into, like, a bolt-action rifle with a silencer on it. That's what I meant. I was like, why are they making that? Why not?

It's one of those. You know, you've got a rich guy who's got a million dollar CNC, and he owns a firearm company, and he's like, what's the biggest dick thing I can make? And so Mark Serbu made. I think he's also the one who made that gun that blew up on the guy on YouTube. If you saw that rifle blow up on the Kentucky Ballistics guy, guy yeah i think that was a mark serbu rifle not the 20 something about is it dennis arms who is the company that made it that's in hot water right now because they're

oh daniel defense daniel defense thank you they're blaming daniel defense for this i think that someone was filing a suit against... Daniel Defense. Now, they're small-ish, no? Yes? I don't know how big they are. I've been to their... I don't know if it's their only factory or their only production place, but it was enormous. Not

for a firearm company. That is what it is. I want to say they were making their own barrels in there. I toured that place 10 years ago or something, but they were really nice to me, and they gave me a bunch of guns and plenty of money. And whenever I was like, hey, could you just make my guns Red Tiger?

They were like, sure, sure. And they just did. They just painted all the AR-15s Red Tiger. Nice. So that's my experience with just did. They just painted all the AR-15s Red Tiger. Nice. So that's my experience with those gentlemen. They're real nice folks. I don't know if I get behind the whole idea of suing a gun manufacturer for something that someone does with it.

Now, if the gun explodes and hurts you, then you sue the gun manufacturer. It didn't operate as intended, right? Right. hurts you, then you sue the gun manufacturer. It didn't operate as intended, right? The same way if your car explodes. The brakes don't work. The brakes are supposed to stop the car. They didn't stop the car. I hit a pole. I'm hurt. You're getting sued for it,

but you don't sue for it when somebody runs people over. I don't like to make the car and gun thing because they're not equals. But in this instance, when we're talking about whether the manufacturer is liable or should be liable in some way when someone uses their thing, whatever it is, to do crimes, I don't understand how you can sue the guy who made the gun if you can't sue the guy who made any other weapon that was used in a crime like can you sue a kitchen knife company yeah and i'm being genuine here when i ask that question i'm not trying to be silly about this i if you can if you can sue the gun guy why can't you sue the knife guy yeah no i i think i think that the that it's kind of a weird idea to try and sue the gun manufacturer because all the process like like them creating the the weapon within the confines of whatever they're allowed to do is is the problem not right not like them having the sale

go through there's other like it's kind of like saying like well they did everything that they were allowed to do and something went wrong horribly wrong so therefore they should be held at fault i think like it's probably there's better way areas to direct like i hear what you're going to make you're almost trying to legislate via the court in that in that instance though you don't like the law the way it is so you want to use the court to punish them anyway like no no no i'm agreeing with you i mean that's the point yeah no but i'm i'm saying that yeah i'm saying it's not fair but like that is that is one way that people yeah see as effective because i got what's the other but it's like suing and again like to keep the car analogy going an ar-15 might be the corvette of car of guns like if you

want to do that i i can think of so many more scary guns than an ar-15 but if it's being portrayed as like this big bad scary gun that's too scary and scarier than guns need to be the corvette is the equivalent of that in the car world like it could be like yeah it could be like the jewel stuff you remember how like cigarette companies couldn't advertise and there was strict stuff around that but when jewel came in with like flavored um packs that ended up being deemed as like targeting people who were not necessarily like predated like addicted to tobacco products or whatever i think maybe that's a way that you could look at it. Iron companies are great about that, though. And it's...

The idea of someone buying one before they're able to has always been weird to me. I don't know how they manage it. I do like the idea of making the purchase age 21. And I know we were talking about this before the show, and it's like, you know, the military's 18, though. We just talked about the military for half an hour

and how important it was from World War II and those other wars. Keep it 18. You can make dumb kids throw their life away, no problem. But it's a problem when you let them walk in and they buy it. You've got to wait those three developmental years until they make the decision. See, I think it should probably stay 18. If you can go fight in the military,

you should be able to purchase. Then either make the military 18 or one. I used to agree with you. Yeah, I used to agree with you, but I think you're falling under that two wrongs don't make a right thing. It's like, it's wrong to send the 18-year-olds to war, and it's just as wrong to let an 18-year-old

buy an AR-15. I think that's kind of where, like, if you really think about it. Yeah, you don't need it to be all one or the other. Here's my issue with Kyle's position. And I think Kyle's made this point before. When you start saying, oh, okay, so now you have to be 21 to buy this kind of gun. Then the gun manufacturers get very clever in how they circumvent that law.

All right. Yeah, I was going to make an AR-15 that could be sold in Australia. We came up with a way to make a pump action AR-15. Do you know how fast you can shoot a pump action? I think that was what I had come up with. I had somebody designing it. Probably fast.

I've seen people shoot bolt actions on YouTube. Trust me. I've been training since I was 14. Listen. Trust me. I've been training since I was 14. Listen, I'm... I've been playing big game Hunter all the time, so I'm really

prepped. I'm ready to go. Now that I'm 31, I think we should make 31 the age for everything. I used to use a pump shotgun for sporting clays and stuff, just to kind of show off, I guess. And I can pump that thing so goddamn fast because i know exactly how far to pull back and exactly how far to pull forward and exactly when

i can do that after i pull the trigger it's like boom boom it's it's so goddamn fast but so yeah the i think it's uh always find a way and not just gun manufacturers like we think of them as like big corporations most gun manufacturers are these little boutique things that make a couple thousand guns yeah they're not very big manufacturers it's it's funny that i don't know i don't know why military companies never come under under yeah they do no they absolutely do raytheon lockheed martin boeing okay well actually millions of people i was talking about gun you know, I can't buy a fucking predator drone, unfortunately. You should be able to.

I agree with that. I think if I get licensed... Actually, you know, the thing is, you can. If you get the license, you can have a predator missile or whatever you want. You can get anything at all that you want if you get the license. And I say that because the people who make them... 40 long con just a predator strike my neighbor like the people who make them are all civilians the military doesn't make its own shit you know like these companies do like they just

mentioned and the people that are there making missiles and rockets are just regular people they're doing what they're doing because they have the licensing to do so and anybody can obtain that licensing if you can put forward a business plan if you're like hey i want to do x y and z like war dogs great movie no not like war dogs that's that's like international that's interpol shit i know that was the only reference i got my head to no like no like what i did where where you know i just had every license you could imagine we have so i mean i could have made missiles if I'd wanted to. Yeah, well, you shouldn't have smoked weed first.

I know. Wow. Huge oversight. You idiot. Smoking the safest drug out there. Thank God we stopped him. What we want you to do, Kyle, is just get good and lit on Johnny Walker Black and then shoot your guns legally.

They're like, no, I just want to get a little high. Oh, well, you're going to jail. Nobody's ever... You get halfway through building the Predator missile and be like, I'm just going to go play Slim Lagos. Like, I'm tired of it. That's not bad. I like that one.

That's fair enough. So, yeah, I don't know about suing the gun manufacturers. It just doesn't make sense. And I get that people want some kind of an answer for all this. I just don't know how you blame the guy who made the gun. Did they ever talk about that recent shooter? Which one? The Philadelphia one?

The most recent one. The guy who like had the one the the really the uvaldi maybe i don't know how to pronounce i say you failed uval maybe that's what it is i say it different every time to confuse people solid it's you is anything new come out about that guy with like because he he had like a huge amount of money and guns right not a huge amount of money in guns, right? Not a huge amount of money. No, I don't remember anything about money.

I thought that he had really good stuff. Like high quality weapons. It seemed to me that he'd been working with his grandpa doing some kind of construction and maybe he'd saved up a couple thousand dollars. But it's not like he had $5,000 worth of shit. I didn't see it, but if he had like $5,000 for the shit he had. I didn't see it, but if he had two Daniel defense rifles, call it a thousand to 1500 each.

And he had a handgun. So three to $500, you know, like we're not talking 3,500, 3,600. If he had, if he had good shit, if he had like,

they're, they're really good rifle. I don't know. I'm not asking a question. I'm trying to trap you. I genuinely, no, no, no. no i'm trying to get i'm trying to get you a good like answer for like like if he had like they're like i don't follow this kind of shit it makes me depressed yeah if he's i don't think there's any like conspiracy to be had i think that's what you're getting at like no no i was meaning like what did they figure out about this guy like prior to the

shooting but i guess not i don't do you remember we talked about his text messages a bit? Yeah. Between him and his friend? I think that's enough of a window. I'm going to kill my grandma and I'm going to shoot the elementary school. That's enough of a window into who this person was in my opinion. He didn't have some alt. This is a dumb person.

I think that when something awful like this happens, we really want to, to it, to have meant something or, and we want to be able to be like, ah, never again, because now we see X, Y,

and Z. I think you've just got a dumb fucking loser here who like his, his grandmother taking his cell phone away was the last straw in his dumb loser life. And so he shot her in the head and then he was like huh i'm gonna go do some more awful things and for whatever reason he wanted to do more awful things so he literally texted i'm gonna go shoot up an elementary school now and you got to wonder like who the fuck was he sending that text message to it was apparently a girl who

didn't see it for like very a long time until after it had happened yeah maybe not a girl yeah who's a person who hadn't seen she saw that pop up and she was like i'm not he saw it go red he waited 10 minutes and he was like yeah i actually am now fuck you that was it i don't i don't know that that thing is i don't like talking about that one because of like the whole thing with the cops not helping that really upsets me um that is so fucking weird has that ever happened like in a big case where the cops go in not like this well not like columbine it was exactly the same but we get oh well that was different columbine was like the first big in columbine they were following procedure and the person i think it's pretty normal for police

to sort of drag their feet on the way to help because they're pussies they're pussies because it's easy like if there's a bar i i they are i know like i'm talking about the policeman is the slower he gets to a bar fight. Why? Because it's easier on the cop. It doesn't matter that one guy just got beaten to a pulp. Not to the cop. To the cop, he got there and the situation was resolved.

It was easy for him. That's experience talking. There was a knife fight in New York. I talked about this. Not a knife fight. A serial knife murderer. And the cops were right there watching this guy try to kill a man from the other side of a subway door with a glass window,

just watching it. Two men, one knifer and one victim. They didn't want to go three on one of the knifer. So the victim disabled, got the knife away from the, I'm sorry, the victim disabled the,

the murderer, the murderer got the knife out of his hand, and only then did the policeman come and cuff him. Yeah, no, I totally... I'm talking about specifically with schools, though. I understand, but cops are awful. So Sandy Hook, they got off, because I want to say the guy killed himself quickly.

So they arrived there, someone fact-checked me, and then the murderer killed himself, and the situation was resolved. I'm speaking more to protocol, like procedure. And before Columbine, procedure was to not go in because you're assuming it's a hostage situation, and you're waiting for demands. After Columbine, every law enforcement agency podunk police department in america was told they got the message and they started training you rush in you rush in right away they are exterminating our children that is their goal like get in there now put yourself between the bad

man and the babies and those cowards in texas refused to do that and even worse that they worked in conjunction they literally stopped the yes yeah but like all right and here's I tried to put myself as like the devil's advocate reading I mean it's pretty gut-wrenching reading like the parents who are like I was ready to throw my life at this if it meant saving one person right like that's awful to hear and also in my head I'm thinking like, I'm sure these cops are like, well, we'd rather them not go put another victim in harm's way. But it's like the way that post the event happening with them actively trying to make sure that the people that they detain weren't going to go and speak about that.

It's just like, all right, okay, guys. It's a little bit too on the nose. After these shootings, they often ask and they often try to find out, was anyone working with the shooter? Did he have any accomplices? And I really wish the angle right now was, yes, here are the officers who are working with the shooter. They kept those moms away, kept the shooter safe.

And I think that they should – That mom taking the gun, they totally would have shot the mom running with a gun towards the building before they would have shot the shooter. They would have murdered her outright, and then they would have got a paid vacation for it had they done it. It's just so fucked up. I don't like that one. Did the Supreme Court rule that there's no legal requirement to serve the your to like serve the public like that's not the goal of law enforcement or my misremembering there's like seinfeld law wait what's the

seinfeld law uh it's it's silly uh duty to intervene yeah now now that was the seinfeld law yeah oh okay i got now just to prove i'm fair let me completely take the opposite side of this on something that happened here very recently. I'm glad Woody's back. I saw this video where this man is swimming in a lake in a city. I don't remember what the city is, but he's jumped. It's a

city. Usually yucky water. I'm listening. You're not allowed in there. He's down on this little pier area, and the cops are looking over the railing like, hey, you're not allowed to swim in the lake, sir. Come on. Come on. Get up. Get up here. He's not a white guy. I don't know what he is, but he's a brown fellow, dark skinned of some kind. And he hops in the water. Are you saying he can't swim? I know he can't swim. We're getting to that.

So he hops in the water and he swims out. I'm going to call it 40 meters, 40 yards. And nothing to someone who can swim. But to someone who thinks they can swim, that's when things get scary. You turn around and look back and you're like, it's like Gattaca. You didn't save anything for the return journey. And so this guy starts. He's been ignoring the cops and being like rude to them for

everything that's led up to the point where he's now needs help help i'm drowning and i haven't been a competitive swimmer for like 30 years that is a 30 second swim carry on the cops are of course wearing the cop yeah i'm gonna say there's three cops there. The cop literally goes, I am not getting in there. I am not going to save you. And the man drowns to death on video. No! All right, well, you can't say that, but that's what every medical professional is trained. It's like you've got to assess.

You've got to throw things. You've got to reach out. Yeah, but you can't throw. Get in line on this one, boys. No, I mean. Let me tell you what's up. First of all, asshole, we told you not to swim in the lake. You swam in the lake.

Yeah. You don't know how to fucking swim, bro. Look, I'm not a good swimmer. You won't see me swimming 50 yards out into a lake with cops as my safe lifeline. No. If Woody's not there with a buoy to throw or a lifesaver to throw, then I'm not going in. He swims all the way out there in a straight line.

Instead of doing some little doggy paddle laps right here, he straight lines away from them. Now that he's dying, he's begging for help. These cops are wearing their full cop gear. He's supposed to strip down, I suppose. It doesn't matter. Hopefully, this guy doesn't take him down which is what would happen that's what would happen take him

down yeah if you're not a trained lifeguard like life-saving navy seal badass motherfucker or whatever if you're not a woody's gamer tag all right i want to jump in because i am trained in this and i've been in this situation i'm not sure how many times but call it like 45 right like so i this is something i actually do know about when they try to pull you down just let them win go down they will instantly lose interest in you as a buoy as soon as you sink i've done this move over and over and over you just go limp and just like well i go with them i go well you just try to push me down you do and then they're like well fuck that didn't work and then they just barely get the water right i'm fine i have like

a minute and a half left like it's not a problem i just go down i pop back up a second again you want to try to be reasonable this time you know i imagine coming up there's some beautiful coral down there come with me but not lifeguards right I'll admit policemen are a higher job but when it comes to saving people on the water lifeguards are the ones who do it and if they were lifeguards then it's super easy

but they're not they're probably not good at swimming probably not in my opinion that is above and beyond what they're supposed to be doing out there we are the police of the land you're right yes yes you're sending the coast guard if the coast guard watched him drown they're done yes yes yes you have one job coast guard all right if the coast guard routinely killed people with guns on accident?

It was like we were just trying to bring him out of the water. He was swimming right at us. He started flailing in a way that either A, someone struggling for air, or two, a murderer would do. My officer feared for his life and shot at him because he was flailing. It's like he was swimming out to him. He started throwing up disgusting brackish water all over my nice boat and I took that as an offense. You know how they say

when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail? That's why I shot him. I had one idea. You know how when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail? That's why I beat him to death with a claw hammer. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, cops suck, man. You know what the solution is? We need to have a Thanos that does the whole world just for guns, and he deletes all future gun technology, and that way people are forced to return to swords. To muskets, oh.

Swords, no, don't, no half measures here, Tucker. Full measures, no more guns. Bows and arrows, crossbows, swords. Think of how much better the world gets overnight or worse. It's going to be a dark day for y'all that think Kyle don't know how to use a bow. Wait, you know what's, speaking of what police are trained to do and stuff, Biden's in town for the Summit of the Americas here. So it's like, you know, outside my window.

Yeah, downtown LA. So they have, I mean, this place is locked down. And they have people on every corner, whatnot. And so I was kind of laughing because my friend sent me a text message. And it was a screenshot of somebody else's text message that said like you know like hey I don't I don't I just want you to know like I got called work today that somebody was going to come shoot up downtown LA I don't feel comfortable you going into work and the person was like oh my god on the hotline right and she's like yeah so

just if you don't have to whatever and I was like so somebody told their friend who works in downtown LA who that somebody threatened to shoot up downtown at some point and the other person was like confirming that they worked at a suicide hotline I'm like already this is the dumbest thing in the world but fine cool giant fucking city by the way the city of LA so whatever this this this post starts making the rounds I had like three friends send me this so like hey I know you live down there just be careful I'm like three friends send me this. They're like, hey, I know you live down there. Just be careful. I'm like, motherfucker.

You can't even drive a car downtown right now. There's Secret Service on every single corner. But I went to walk Griswold or my dog and we were going a different route. And I started to laugh because I noticed that further away from LA Live that you get, the less serious the cops that they have at every corner were. So the black SUV half-ton Yukons, those are all around downtown LA. And then they have the

police SUVs that are a couple blocks away. And then you keep going, and they've got the regular traffic cop cars parked there with the guy in the neon vest, still walking around, making sure nobody's being suspicious. But I'm like, yeah, if he wants to have some fun. A few more blocks, they're on bicycles.

A few more blocks after that, there's a rollerblade cop. He was on a Segway. I'm like, I can see the Secret Service right here, and you've got Segway cop going around. Emergency, we have a perp traveling over seven miles an hour. I repeat, over seven miles an hour.

I can't catch him, Sarge. I'm sorry. He's in the Starbucks. They've got stairs. I repeat, over seven miles an hour. Yeah, I can't catch him, Sarge. I'm sorry. He's in the Starbucks. They've got stairs. I'm leaning as fast as I can. A guy just almost just purposely Tizzie.

Tucker, your dog's name is Griswold? Yeah. You didn't name it after... I named him after... No, his name is Gris. I named him after Gris, like Zergris. Oh, well, his name is Mike. You should have called him Mike, though.

That would have been cool. Yeah, but... I didn't know his first name back then. Yeah. I was really hoping it was after Clark Grizzwell. Never mind. Who's that? It's a movie reference.

It's a character Chevy Chase plays in National Lampoon's Vacation. Oh. Vacation's a great movie. I've totally seen it's a character Chevy Chase plays in National Lampoon's Vacation. Oh. Vacation's a great movie. I've totally seen it. Yeah. I've seen it. O'Doyle rules. That's that.

Nope. Nope. Not even close. That's Billy Madison. Hey, listen. I heard vacation. I thought about a bunch of people in a car, right? And they're going on vacation, right?

The O'Doyles. No. Yeah. They're going on vacation, right? The O'Doyles. No! Yeah, they're going to Hawaii or whatever. They drive off a cliff. That happens in one scene with a school bus in the movie Billy Madison. The O'Doyles are just like the bullies that he has to deal with

as he goes from kindergarten to high school. Oh, okay. There's like a bunch of O'Doyles and they bully him in every grade like he's getting bullied by an o'doyle in like fifth grade wouldn't he be bullied by the same o'doyle in every grade because he grows up at the same rate oh no well he's you know that makes i don't think you know this movie at all so so the premise of of this movie is that his father it's been a while since i've seen it. His father is a multimillionaire. His father is a multimillionaire. This is very important. You will not stop me. His father is a multimillionaire.

And if he's to inherit the company or the fortune, I don't recall which. Thank you for the spoilers, Warren. Then he has to go get his high school diploma for realsie this time. And so he spends one week. Oh, that's right. You're right. He gets one week in each grade where he has to like learn enough to pass like the final exam and like get through and this is

like a 28 year old man or something like that and so you know he's got to deal with all the problems of elementary school middle school and high school in one week yeah it's a rough good movie or for a couple months i guess what movie is this i got lost lost. Billy Madison. Billy Madison. It's a classic. Is it an Adam Sandler film? I'm familiar with it now. Adam Sandler has films where he is legitimately a great actor and films that are just stupid. Which one is this? I think you can tell.

Legitimately an incredible actor. Oscar award winning. This is Happy Gilmore level. This is Waterboy, Happy Gilmore, prime television TV movie Adam Sandler. FX Channel would rinse this on repeat. How did he win the Oscars? What did he win that for?

Uncut Gems. He didn't win. Oscar nominated. Uncut Gems is stressful to watch. That scene when he gets the frostbite on his foot, heart-wrenching. Billy Madison is a better movie than Uncut Gems. That is Mr. Deeds when he gets the frostbite

on his foot. Kyle just getting triggered by Tucker's just slapdash knowledge of 90s. I try to do this to Taylor every week. I'm not even joking. Dumbledore for some reason. I literally

meant, I was serious. I'm thinking yeah, he's sitting in the bathtub. He's got the ice pick through it. You remember the film, Moana? Was it Chris Farley? He was the bus driver in Billy Madison, correct? Yes, he was. Because that was the part of the movie that I remember watching as a 12-year-old and losing my shit.

Me and her got it on! And I was like, no, you didn't. Oh, yeah, well, a guy that I know, though, him and her got it on! No, he didn't. No, but you can imagine what it would be like if he did, though, right? It's like, yeah, I guess. Dude, Chris Farley was so... He was great.

Fucking little pups back there. Chris Farley was the original Jack Black. Yeah. That couldn't sing. Don't even... I don't dislike Jack Black. I don't dislike Jack Black one bit. I think he can be very funny.

But putting him in the conversation with Farley, my God. No, Farley is a much funnier actor than he is. Don't forget you got Norm Macdonald and Billy Madison. I want to say he's the one who's in a very creepy way. Every time Billy graduates, he has a time billy graduates he has a graduation party so he has a graduation party every week but the first week it's for like first graders so it's like a kiddie party and like as they go they get more adult but like norm mcdonald's is one of his loser friends and he's just out there with a water hose squirting a little kid in the face

and the kid hates it and he's just like inexplicably like hurting hurting this little child it's great dude speaking speaking to norm mcdonald uh r.i.p one of the greats yeah literally he based one of my favorite stand-ups he released a new stand-up how he's it was it was one that he made and it's like I started watching it a couple days ago, I guess now, and I had to stop it because it was literally him. You can see in the sallow, gaunt look of his eyes and his face that the cancer's gotten to him, and it's just him with headphones on doing all the bits to a computer screen because he wasn't allowed to do shows at the time it was recorded because of the COVID shit and he had

you know stage 4 cancer of whatever kind he had and so it's just him doing it and it's hilarious jokes but I only got like 10 minutes in before I had to stop because it like made me really really fucking sad where it was like this guy who is a god of comedy like every comedian

loves Norm Macdonald because he's fucking hysterical he's a funny fucking dude was a funny fucking dude and like i was so used to seeing his old specials and the way he would do crowd work and he would do crowd work in a way that was like like little bits of it he wouldn't have like a section of crowd work he would just snipe and like make funny things and like seeing him so out of his element being forced to do that in front of like a zoom screen was like it like made me depressed and so i stopped stopped watching it but yeah r.i.p to

norm i fucking loved that guy he was so fucking funny i wish he was on the ona show back in the day but apparently he was a stern guy instead of an ona guy yeah so i'll have to i'll have to find the stern norm mcdonald clips you know i find. I can't remember any of his Stern stuff. Because I have no experience with Stern compared to you. I just didn't listen to it. I don't want to overstate how much Stern I've listened to, but it used to be all I listened to in my car. And when I would go on road trips and stuff,

I would listen to like every day, like four or five hours a day, every day for like years i don't it got to the point and i know they show they only play like the best um of the old shows they're not playing them in order but i had heard them all i had heard i've i've heard every bit of whatever xm puts because they have two channels they have howard 100 and 101 and i think 100 is the channel where they play the best of that goes back 35 years and it's great bits and it'll be long bits you'll have like full hour two hour segments because because sometimes a bit goes on for multiple days even and they'll end it together

so the bit goes on for days uh but the other channel is today's episode getting getting getting aired and stuff but i listened to the point where there were no more best ofs anymore. And I didn't really care for his new interview style. So I just canceled my XM. You just got to listen to old ONA on YouTube. But yeah, the Stern, it's funny that this came up because it was just a couple of days ago that I saw beetlejuice was on some like uh barstool sports interview and i like listened to that and it was it was pretty funny i listened to some of it it was pretty funny and then i just got suggested a maybe eric the retard or dylan the retard

eric dylan i picked the guys from the school shooting in Columbine because we talked about that. Eric, the actor, died. Okay, well, then who's the retard? Billy the retard or something? Sammy the retard? It was him versus Beetlejuice in a trivia competition. White guy, right? Yeah, it was a white guy with no teeth up in the front.

And I was laughing very hard at that trivia competition i'll say and so that was the best bit i've ever heard from howard stern and i'm not a howard guy so i don't know too much about his his historic bits i could recommend some good ones he had one called dumb as a box of rocks i think where he has three beautiful women who are complete airheads and it's fun to see him absolutely refuse to say that they're stupid he apologizes to them he's like well i'm so sorry you didn't know who uh who figured that old gravity thing out so you have to say the thing and i hate that you have to say it but now you've got to say it and she goes i i'm as dumb as a box of rockets. Ah, rocks! Ah, let's move along! And they are.

Both of them are dumb as a box of fucking rocks. I like those. I like the dirty ones, too. Did they say rockets, or did you just flip? I fucked up. I don't like the concept that they messed up box of rocks. I don't like the dirty ones. I should have lied.

You were saying the dirty ones can be funny? The dirty ones, both with O dirty ones both with ona and i assume other shows where it's like we're gonna have a porn star on and she's gonna put a wiffle ball bat in her pussy i'm like i'm not interested in this i want i want comedians to come in and just riff with each other that's the whole vibe i'm going for with the radio imagine this you bring in a comedian or a celebrity they're sitting there thinking that they're i'm on the howard stern show this is a1 prime time i don't't know, 12 million people are going out, going out live right now. This is big for my project. It's big for my career. And then Howard has someone come

in and start vomiting on the floor. Like these are things that he would do such awful things. He would have a normal guest and be like, all right, now it's time for our second guest. And it's this guy who wants a woman to vomit on him real bad. So we're going to get to that. Or he would have, I remember there was a stripper, and I think they were doing a thing for maybe Manscaped or something like that, like maybe a razor company.

So they had, I think that they had her shave Beetlejuice, who was a black midget retard. She shaved his pubic hair. It's a triple threat. If only he

was bisexual, damn it. Nope, straight as an arrow. She shaved his pubic hair completely with that razor, and it's on YouTube unedited. I've heard of shaving this guy's dick and balls. God bless America. My favorite bit ever, though, is when they got... unedited like let's i've heard just shaving this guy's dick and balls god bless america my favorite

bit ever though my favorite bit ever is when they got and i'm spacing on his name but it's the retarded white guy it's the very retarded gary the retard gary the retard right they got gary the retard what gave it away they they told him that he was going to space and they convinced him of it and they put him in a cardboard spaceship and Howard's talking to him and he's like, alright, we're blasting off in five and they do a whole countdown with sound effects and then

they shake the box and he gets scared. He gets scared on the way up to the moon. He's retarded. He gets actually scared and it's not funny anymore and Howard's like, alright, we're going to bring you back eric we're bringing eric back to earth bring it back hurry hurry all right you're back you're back and they lift it off he's like whoa like he's glad to be back like he really really he's very retarded either that or he played into it a bit but like i haven't

seen that bit so i'll trust kyle's judgment on it he said i'm getting scared uh the the trivia thing that made me laugh really hard with this between beetlejuice and gary the retard was that like beetlejuice is a higher like if gary the retard is like a level 20 retard beetlejuice is like a level 55 first prestige retard like he's a much more retarded person and so like they ask stuff and one of the questions was they were like beetlejuice spell red and i didn't get it until i looked him up on youtube app or on google afterward but he kept going l-s-t-e-r or l-s-t-r or l-e-s-t-r and apparently his real name is lester and so he kept trying to spell his name lester and then they would go gary chance to steal

spell red and then gary would go oh yeah that's gary and beetlejuice and then they went and they did this question three times so they went correct the red gary gets the point beetlejuice your second question spell red and then he's like l- L-S-T-A-R. And they're like, incorrect. Gary, chance to steal. Spell red. I ain't there. And they're like, another point.

Now, Beetlejuice, chance to catch up. Spell red. And they did that a few times. And he couldn't get it. And it was funny. These guys are disabled. I get it. It's a bit.

Sometimes I wonder when they fight. They used to fight with each other all the time. Fred would fight with Jackie the Joke Man. They'd fight with Howard. How much of that was real? Because when I was young, when I was first watching it, I'm not young, young. I'm like 20. I bought a hook, line, and sinker.

I just completely believe that these guys were they weren't friends they were trying to be friends with the other was fights now i'm like is every commercial every commercial break are they like you know what that was some good radio yeah you know when i come back i'm gonna call this guy the c word i think that fred is closer to that honestly i think i. So Fred is part of the main cast. He's not one of the hanger-ons. He's the guy. Jackie the Drunk Man was.

Jackie? No. Fred's been there the longest. It's been Fred, Robin, and Howard the longest. They've been kind of a trifecta for a very long time. Everybody else is an addition, and they are treated as such their contracts are representative that he wrote a lot of the content during his error so he that's that that's the same spot that uh helped me with who's the fat guy with the coke problem right fat guy with the coke problem uh rob ford no busted up nose rob ford that Ford. That was a crack problem. You're right. Sorry.

You're talking about the nose that was flattened? Yeah, yeah. And he was a Trump. He did a bunch of fucking drugs. It starts with a B. R or B? It's Artie Lang. Artie Lang. Artie Lang.

Yeah. Thank you. All right. We're good. Here we are. Can't come up with Artie Lang. Thank you. All right, we're good.

Make it better. Here we are. Can't come up with Artie Lang. That's like a position on the show that has like a $600,000 or $700,000 paycheck every year for joke writing guy slash actor. And Jackie wanted a lot more money. I don't know what they were paying Jackie. I know what they paid Artie. They paid Artie either $900,000 or a million even a year to do that job.

And that should be cheap for Artie because Artie is a real talent. He's a funny guy. Jackie did not get any money, anything like that. And when he tried to negotiate, he ended up getting cut out. And I remember they would mock his little shows that he would do and how no one came. They wouldn't talk about him before. They wouldn't be like, Jackie's having a big show.

Let's see how pathetic it's going to be. Because that's how you shit on somebody. You want to at the same time advertise for it. If you're playing a bit, that's how how pathetic it's going to be because that's how you shit on somebody while at the same time advertise for it. If you're playing a bit, that's how you do it. You're like, next week, Jackie's having this pathetic show. So that's what you guys did with Wings? We just report on Wings when he does stuff, as does the New York Times. Did you see that?

So I saw that, and I saw Wings talk about how he didn't like the New York Times take on him. So here's the deal. I guess now Wings has been used as – they're using his picture and saying he's involved in all these current events. The Uvalde shooting was one of them. I think the Buffalo shooting was another. And they keep saying Wings was either involved or like a parent or a victim or whatever. Yeah.

And, of course, Wings has nothing to do with it these are just trolls who drag his image into everything and there was a brief moment where they tried to find the genesis of why wings was targeted like this and they're like you know he said some things about lowering the age of consent and something else that i don't recall but he's apologized for that again and again it's he never meant it he just was a shock jock on a podcast at one point i saw that and i thought yeah you know they didn't do him wrong you know like he said a dumb thing he apologized for for it. It was a comedy thing. Move on. And 12 years ago, by the way. But Wings felt like they really did him dirty. I didn't see it like that.

Yeah, they did him really kindly. I think that if, look, it seems like he was the source of all their information. Think about that one for a minute. It's not like they went to his haters or they'd have had a much more comprehensive uh viewpoint of like those things he said because those guys the guys who are like super into this have have debunked the like i was a shock jock thing because they'll they'll be like here's where he said it when almost no one was listening here's when he like said it in private here's when he said the same thing to like a little group of people and not on the show, whether it's Twitch or in a YouTube video or whatever. They'll do that.

So if the New York Times had gone to them, it would have been a really nasty article. They did him really kindly, and he doesn't know how to use. I mean, I don't think he realizes the same kind of you know point i made on pkn patreon.com slash pka sign up for pkn you get the early uh show and you also get pkn which is an hour-long show and you get three of us retards do and so check it out get don't forget about the hangout that's the best part and the hangout the hangout's the 50 level you get to join and watch all of us do bits and and and the rest of the the folks who go in there it's a bunch of the rest

of the folks are the best part the rest of the folks are honestly the best part it's very very funny but like the the the whole point with the the wings thing is this wings is merely the vehicle by which the story was told they wanted to do a story on fake news on social media and wings is merely the vehicle by which the story was told they wanted to do a story on fake news on social media and wings is just the vehicle so there's not a huge focus on him in that there's really not like it'll ask what it is and he'll say stuff like yeah that's not true i didn't say that or they manufactured that or i said a different version of it but the bulk of the article if you actually read it is about the misattribution of sources and stuff. Is this the one

where people claim that... But only in the context of how it pertains to him. I don't think they go against other examples. No, no, in the context of how it pertains to the BBC, CNN, like all this stuff. But how he's used to like... Yes, but he is still the medium that is being

used. It's less about him than his kind of avatar as a force doing this okay i read this as a hey have you guys heard about the most interesting man on the internet there is a buffoon in south carolina yes we've got a photo of him right here and we talked to him today and here's the nonsense that he gets up to that's what it was to me that because they talk about how like all the accounts that like call him out on Twitter, the like fake CNN accounts, CNN and Afghan and all that. Like they never said, also, there's this other guy this happens to or these other examples of it happening.

And it was all wings. It was all about how it affected him. It centers on him. It was all about how it affected him. It centers on him, but the key of the story are the ancillary bits kind of sprouting off of him. I disagree. To me, it was a biography of Wings of Redemption and how he in particular has real serious issues with the internet trolling him. That's 100% what it was about to me.

They did stop and do a little bit of that. They mentioned factually that people will see that he's a survivor and so and such and such, and they'll be like, aha, a crisis actor. They wanted you to know that, hey, this guy's not a crisis actor. He's not a monster. He's not a fraudster. He's just a guy who plays video games on the internet. That was covered in the intro. That was covered in the intro. not a fraudster he's just a guy who plays video games on the internet and people like to that was

covered in the intro that was covered in the intro and then i felt like the article was about wings it wasn't about misattribution of sources they cover that a little bit but no i think they maybe i'll reread and see it differently but it it seemed more to me that it was a a story they wanted to tell and wings was a very convenient mechanism by which to tell it and you know i fucking hate mainstream media and journalists so if there was more to hate on here in my eyes i would do that but i don't think they're it it's a pretty short it's a pretty short read i'm not i have not read it i just scrolled through it and reading the reading the top lines of the like first paragraphs it does read it's like a story about it's a story about how wings is being misidentified but it's definitely a story about it's a story about how wings is being misidentified

but it's definitely towards more about wings a person and not about misinformation as a source or as like a as a topic i just think that he's got it i probably have the wrong read on it in any case it will all agree that wings is who's over there like banning anyone who says nyt uh ban anyone who says anything about the interview. It's just like, what are you doing? Missing an opportunity, right? Wings of Redemption, now streaming as seen in the New York Times.

That's what it should be doing. A 24-hour marathon stream right now where he gets up to 16,000 people and gets hopefully $50,000. That's where he should be right now. I wish he was. We always have different objectives, right? I know being on Twitch is selling your mental health for cash.

I've said it a hundred times. Wings is like, no, I don't want to sell my mental health. There's only so much. I'm like, rebuild it later, Wings. This is an opportunity. Strike while the iron is hot And we never He never does what I would have hoped he did

I'm disappointed in him in that I went to Myrtle Beach I saw how nice Of an area I have a lot of jealousy Towards people who just like were born Near the ocean and just like Get to live near the ocean It's cool to me

crab you just you just go out there i would be i would be 100 lying if i didn't say crab was a major maybe majority part in this thought but like i i'm jealous of that and so like when i went to myrtle beach recently i i had a full for jericho's benefit my wife and i we had a full like she wanted to go to like Universal and all that stuff. And that's not my jam as much. I've never been, but I didn't think it would be. But I've always told her, you know, we'll go. We'll go do that.

So we made that vacation. But unfortunately, weather was so bad there. It was like seven out of seven days would be thunderstorms. And so I just found, last second before our vacation, like, what is the nicest weather of the beach we can drive to? And it was like Myrtle Beach. That's got the most sun. it we're going there and as i was driving closer and closer to myrtle beach i just kept thinking like where the fuck is conway i'm kind of excited i'm not one of i'm not going to go to wings house or even try and find it i just want to see where

conway is like in relation to myrtle beach and it got to the point that i was like five six seven miles from the beach yeah and i was like was like, I must have missed it. Like, there's no way I must have missed Conway. Maybe it's like down the beach a bit. No, it's there. Right fucking there. Yeah. On the beach.

And I guarantee. It's not on the beach, is it? It's not on the beach. It's 20 minutes. 20 minutes would be if he fucking took a razor scooter there like he could be there fast if he takes a car like and that's how close you are to the beach and so part of me was like dude like i like you're you're i get it you don't you don't want to take your shirt off or anything like i totally understand but yeah 10 miles yeah it's nothing i live to the beach that would be so i'm living 10 miles from the beach in my head that is so exciting

and so cool i would be getting seafood every day like if i'm bored what do i do oh i don't know i don't live in missouri anymore it's just forests i'll go to the beach i can't believe we never thought of this during all the weight loss bullshit shows where we sit here and pump him up and come up with a little idea oh maybe boxing maybe boxing. Maybe you get your – Walk on the beach. Yeah, walk on the beach. Go swimming. Or he could do like aqua aerobics or something. Not even just walk on the beach.

It's like 80% more difficult than just walking. It's so true. It's the stance. I'm like diet, diet, diet. Diet, diet, diet. You can't walk. That whole walking thing, the me of today, is like that doesn't lose weight. It's mental stuff though.

No, that's mental stuff though yes yes yes i'm with you i was actually going to say the same thing i sometimes walk if i'm like you know my mental health needs a boost right now let's get walking skateboarding same sort of thing and walking's actually yeah um i didn't know it it's like a thing i learned way too late in life but yeah walking is huge love it and um you know so so i don't I don't hate walking, but if you're trying to lose weight, it's the kitchen. He would walk and come back and have a sweet tea. Well, yeah, it's all calorie deficit stuff. I was just saying like walking on a beach, pretty, not a lot of incentive needed,

and it's exponentially more difficult than walking on flat ground normally. But we all know what we would do if we woke up and we were 425 pounds. And it wouldn't involve some little 20-minute walks, okay? It would involve a new lifestyle, you know? It would involve a Spartan lifestyle where you were like, I guess, yeah, I can walk nine hours a day if I get that desk. Yeah, I can get the walking desk and then I'll do my – A standing desk or at least, yeah, I can walk nine hours a day. If I get that desk that's – yeah, I can get the walking desk and I can – and then I'll do my – A standing desk or at least –

Yeah, like a treadmill desk or something. I have a standing desk and I haven't lifted it more than twice. I'd do the same thing. I wouldn't change. I would try to eat right and I'd lift weights. Is lifting weights the best way to lose weight? I don't know, but it's the one I'll actually do. Yeah, from experience, no.

his weight i don't know but it's the one i'll actually do yeah from experience it's the one i mean working out as a whole is is super hard for me when i know that there's exercises that i'm not interested in doing because they're not fun like i have the fun ones right love leg presses love doing everything with leg press but like as soon as you get to like doing planking or any any like weird range of motion exercises i hate it i don't want to do it and i need a personal trainer to help me with that you don't like you don't like upper body stuff nobody i i've grown to like upper body stuff but like in like i don't like rowing i hate rowing then don't row so yeah i know you don't have to but i'm saying like in general it's just like i'll watch a youtuber greg doucette probably most people here know his name and uh he enjoys bicycle riding indoor bicycle riding there's a

freak i love running though there's an app called swift i think it's spelled like swift but it's so he can race people online and it measures the amount of output he puts into his pedals yeah and you know you have to be smart it involves drafting it involves hills there's some strategy and then of course there's a huge fitness component to it cool he would be better off body wise if he rode but i don't think he'd be better off because it's a whole body exercise if he wrote if you had a rowing machine instead he might not use it do the one you like doing yeah that's where the benefit is so true the best exercise is the one you like doing. That's where the benefit is. So true. The best exercise is the one you do. And if you hate rows, then don't do a rowing machine. Do an elliptical.

Do anything. Do whatever your favorite thing is. And for me, my favorite thing is eating. That's all I'm ever saying about it. I was like, ah, yeah. This is good. I always go back to when you're're call it losing weight cutting weight whatever you want to call it getting healthy just not being fat anymore um it involves cardio for me

i i think it's key for everyone um when uh when i did that weight cut it was a three month weight cut to cut like i don't know 30 fucking pounds or something i was cut two two pounds a week for three months whatever that comes to that's what i did I did. And it was cardio, and it was slowly cutting calories out of my diet. It was going from 3,600 to 3,500, and 20 minutes of cardio, and doing that until I stopped losing weight. It's like, hey, we've reached equilibrium. Now we have to either pull more calories out or add more cardio in. And we would do one of those slowly over those three months to keep losing two pounds a week, to keep that average. And by the end, that meant doing an hour of hard cardio a day, of steady state cardio where your heart rate's at 135 for an hour at a time, while at the same time, like, cutting the calories out and doing my 10 000 steps a day and like like but you know if you want to get dick skin lean that's what you gotta do

right i want to see that's not exactly true like i could have cut for i could i could have cut for nine months and done no cardio but a lot of cut for a year been dead but being at that calorie but being at that why stop there be skin and bones be bones you want to be a fat ass in the afterlife not kyle yeah i'm trying to when you're at a when you're at a calorie deficit for that long you're you're losing muscle the whole time your body is eating some percentage of fat and using that because you're at that deficit but it's using some percentage of muscle too. So like my goal and the reason I did it that way is to minimize the time of the cut because we just worked so hard for nine months to build all this muscle to like throw some of it away really is shit.

Yeah. Not eating is like so – well, for you actually, you're very good at that. You're very good at just like locking down and not eating for a while if that's what it takes i like i will start a not eating spree or like an intermittent fasting by being like i'm a king i can do it and then like a few hours in it's like i'm getting cranky i'm getting yeah i'm getting here with people i don't feel like i'm getting as much done i really want some food so so bad. I fast every Saturday for 24 hours. It's my favorite eating day, man.

Yeah, it's a great day for eating. I do some damage on Saturdays. I chose that day on purpose. A couple of pizzas. I chose that day on purpose. That's when UFC happens. There's no way I'm going to get a nacho tray for UFC because we're not eating at all today.

The hardest thing I did through that whole time is when I was doing so much cardio, and then I would get to Saturday, right? Oh, yeah. That means I have to wake up hungry. I'm hungry when I wake up. I'm really hungry. And then I have to go to the gym

and do an hour on the elliptical heart. So I'm dripping with sweat and I'm getting like shaky and weak. And I have to go home and take a shower and lie down and let my body fix its blood sugar problem on its fucking own with whatever's in there. Melt some fat, boil some oil, eat a fingernail if you have to, but get my insulin to go up or down or whatever.

Yeah. And, and after a if you have to, but get my insulin to go up or down or whatever you need to do. That'll give a fuck. Yeah. And after a while, you're like, I feel stronger now. Without food. The food is what made me weak. I want to see Tucker drop all the cardio stuff. Oh, I want to live a long time. No, I want to see you get yoked as shit because you're

you're like neck wide yes wide neck you're like six feet tall 5 11 around there i'm 170 six foot dude i remember eighth grade 170 bro this is heavy for me too usually I'm floating at like 165 and so I've started putting on a little more weight because I've been taking I've been started taking pre-workout first time getting the hand tingles

the beta alanine yeah listen I'm going to tell you right now tell me your butt tingles only people who have never done drugs think this shit is great all right i'm like wow my hands go numb nice cool so so fucking true i i'm so glad derek used code pka for the nitro uh pre-workout no caffeine in it it's just about the nitrous boost getting your veins all vascular that's the pre-workout i like. I don't want the beta alanine. I don't want the caffeine. Guess what? If I need caffeine, I can make a cup of coffee and I'll have that. And if I need beta alanine, that'll never happen because I'll never need that because I don't want to be itchy. Here's my argument for the caffeinated

one. Let's say you already had a cup of coffee and then you take the pre-workout. You get more caffeine. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much. It is. It's like 160 milking. I swear to God, the way Woody is sensitive to like weed products. Well, he'll be like, I took 20 milligrams of Delta 8 and I was ripped.

That's how I am with caffeine. Like I, like I bought a bunch of little cans of, of coffee earlier today, like little tiny six ounce cans, 150 milligrams each. They're little cold brew cans. That's a lot of milligrams.

That's a lot of milligrams, but that's a once a day thing. And so like, if I wake up in the morning, I'm excited to try it tomorrow and have that. That's a good amount for me. I was like, damn, I really want to try one. But if I were to do this before PKA, I literally won't sleep tonight.

I wouldn't get a bit of sleep. I forget to drink caffeine for a long time because most of the time when I wake up in the morning, I'm not too drowsy. And so probably two, three days days a week i have caffeine in the morning and when i do when i switch to rain or bang energies i've told woody this like i'll like drink a bang in the morning if i buy some oh i'll drink a bang and suddenly like i'm pacing around my living room like i'm in a great mood like i'm feeling good like whoa this day is taking me by storm i have plans i got i got situations i gotta handle and like i don't i don't fully this is caffeine yeah and then like by 2 p.m i'm like this i'm bummed like and that's like yeah this is like this is that caffeine shit people

talk about where you have to like re-up at 2 p.m or so the 3 p.m is i mean i need i i need i i drink a cup of coffee like an espresso in the morning a shot of espresso because i like instant caffeine no it's about 70 milligrams of caffeine for a cup of coffee or serving right and then uh and then i get a nice coffee for when I start stream another 70 milligrams, it's just a shot or something. And then I need something either around two or three, or if I'm going to work out, I like working out at around seven o'clock at night. So I need something at around like 6 PM.

The problem with this pre-workout shit, same thing as you is like, it has caffeine in it and it's got a lot. So it's not a problem of like, I know I'm capable of handling the caffeine. It's trying to time out not having my afternoon caffeine and then getting this, like, nitrous oxide shot of, like, weightlifting formula. By the way, I used to – I think that weed strain names are the dumbest names in the world until I started looking at what people name pre-workout formula like like gorilla mode I am god in all impact red block font with like a like a carbon fiber pattern on it and

you're just like if that's what Derek's doing I stand behind it I don't know what's going over there on over there in the caffeinated area because every time I talk to Tristan, his assistant, he's like, what do you need? I'm like, send me more of the bombsicle flavored, no stim pre-workout with all the nitrate. I hate how it tastes so much. It's so nasty. All of them. The bombsicle. When I started, I liked it, but I've gotten to that point.

I'm there with eggs right now, too. When I look at a plate of eggs, I'm like, You know what's problem is? You need, because I try Bomsicle. I pick Bomsicle because it's his most popular flavor, and I like the Bomsicle. It's alright.

Black Cherry is the best flavor he makes. I don't even want a flavor. I just want to like... No, you need a fucking flavor. Why do they need flavor? Why do they need flavor? The collagen protein

and I know that there's ingredients change the flavor and stuff, but the collagen protein, there's flavorless collagen protein that I put in my coffee. It's 20 grams of completely unflavored protein. You will not notice a difference right but it's just i don't like eating breakfast so i need something to offset that yeah something but but what i'm saying is i i agree with kyle i fucking hate the blue raspberry why is every

flavor like when it's like chewing a pack of starburst and then spitting into a can just do black cherry it tastes like a normal drink that's why i like it because i know the same thing you're saying i've gotten lit pre-workout i've gotten c4 pre-workout and all of them have this like kind of acidy not great version of like blue raspberry or something this doesn't get the black cherry the black cherry is the way to fucking go with the flavor from derek's stuff yeah i mean i like, I like the Bomsicle before. I've just had so much of it. It's every fucking day now for months and months and months,

and it's just fucking, I'm done with it. Switch to it. Switch to black cherry, dude. When I drink it, I throw a fit. There's nobody here. You whiny little bitch. There's nobody here to hear it. It's all from me.

But every sip, I go, and then I drink some more. I'm like, and then once I drink it all, there's a little residue in your mouth, right? I don't, I like spit it in the sink. Like, I want the taste out of my mouth. Just get a better flavor. Are you sure you're not associating

the drink with the, like, pain you're about to stick on yourself? No, I hate the taste. I love the workout. I hate the fucking shit. Black cherry. Try the black cherry. All that being said, the fact that I still drink it every fucking day should tell you how good it is. It's the best pre-workout

I've ever had. It's crazy pumps. It's good stuff. Don't buy bomb sick. I also do. You do one scoop or two i do too obviously yeah i do too yeah yeah i'm not a bitch i'm i'm trying to i'm trying to get my fucking lift on if i can wash my face after we didn't get pumped up enough no i don't totally get that but yeah no i want my back to be so painfully tense after a workout that I'm having trouble playing magic on my laptop because I'm so tight. What do you do to wash your back?

Because I know there's no way you can reach your back. There is no way I can reach my back. But also, that's not polite to point out. I can't reach my back either. I can't reach my back either. Okay, so we're both big boys that can't reach our back. What I do is I don't wash it. You don't have a scrub brush?

What I do is I really over-lather my head, and I hope that the residual over my back is cleaning everything. It must be working well because I don't get bacne. You have chemically sterilized your acne. Yes. That doesn't mean your back is filthy. Yes. But your back is filthy.

I bet you're hairy back there, too. You've probably got a man tuft that extends from the crack of your ass to your shoulders. You know what's weird? A big T. Your back looks like a Tesla logo. And then the bottom of the T is my asshole. It's because I'm very hairy on my chest, my entire body. My back hasn't been hit by it yet.

I have shoulder hair, but it's know the nape of the neck where like hair grows a lot there if you have that because the nape of my neck like i've said before like i trimmed this today the this will connect with my beard if i don't get it under control on both sides and i'll have my my ear will be on hair island like just right there and and that's the way it goes but my back i really don't have any back hair yet i don't knock on wood i know it's gonna show up at some point but i'm fortunate yeah i don't have any my legs are unbelievably hairy but because i've been putting back on the 34 jeans recently because i'm not as fat as i was yeah rubbing the hair right legs are very tight

and so yeah the back of my calves now has no hair because of how tight my jeans are. Rub the fucking hair off of you. We're going to get back into the comfortable 34s. I believe in myself. I know we can do it. The mistake I

see people make is they add vegetables to a bad diet. I'm going to diet now. I put some broccoli on my fucking... I feel attacked. Where I'm like, I can have five pieces of meat lovers if I have an asparagus spear. Yeah. Anybody

that's listening to this, I know that's the old school things. Like, ah, no, eat spinach. That'll make me... Alright, Popeye, that's not how this shit works. You don't need to need to eat any vegetables none you don't have to eat a green you if you see green don't fucking eat it that means it's gone bad or it's something you don't need to eat okay i don't think this is true it's a hundred percent true derrick would tell you you need micronutrient nutrients and the people derrick is trying to make you a goddamn Spartan warrior like you're going to get blasted off to fight the aliens.

Alright? Derek wants all 20 of those blood tests. That sounds pretty cool. That would be huge. Look, if you're trying to be perfect, then yeah, you're going to need your micronutrients. Make sure you eat plenty of red meat and get your gut biome on point. Look, I'm doing that stuff,

but because Derek tells me to, not because I think it's necessary. If you just want to be fit and have abs, you don't need any fucking vegetables. I remember watching one of those YouTube videos where they interview those. Not one. Not a single fucking one. That is so fucking retarded.

You don't need any. Not one. You don't need any vegetables? Captain Barbosa is over here like, no fruit! You don't need any. Not one. You don't need any vegetables? Captain Barbosa's over here like, no fruit! You don't need fruit! I swear! Your gums be hurting because you ain't faithful enough. It be the oranges. It be the oranges. You don't think that vegetables are necessary?

I don't think they're even close to necessary. That's so dumb, man. No, it's not. What do you... I'm just hurt. Tell me this. What vegetables do you eat, and what vital nutrients are you getting from those?

Broccoli. Asparagus. I get greens. Carrots. I get oranges. Health is not a color palette. Oh, yeah. It says the conspiracy theorist.

Look, you don't need those vegetables to be fit and healthy. If you're trying to dial yourself in like a fucking weirdo. Is a bowl of spinach totally ridiculous? Do you know how much spinach I eat every fucking day? Oh, so greens are ridiculous. So why do you eat the pounds? It seems like a waste of stomach space. Derek told me to!

I had to! So Derek thinks vegetables are important. I buy five pound tubs of this shit, and I put fistfuls of it in every single meal. And you still think it's useless? Yeah, I don't need that shit. Then what are you doing? I'm doing what Derek tells me to do.

Sheeple. Shouldn't you trust Derek's ability to analyze your nutrient profile? I think what Kyle goals for me than most people have. I think what Kyle's saying is just because the teacher is saying crazy shit like the teacher is saying crazy

shit like the earth is flat doesn't mean Miss Thomas doesn't know physics, right? What are your goals? Have you talked about that yet? Or do you not want to? He wants to get taller, and I told him that's not possible.

Break them knees. Big and lean again? Doing the same thing again. So this time the final product will just be bigger than last time. So you'll just be like, last time but 2.0. He's just trying to become just a big, big of a man. Liberty walked human. You know, it's just fun to work out anyway.

So might as well be doing it as hard as we can. I don't like the half-ass things. I'm glad you're doing it. I like that you don't half-ass because I kind of got sick and tired of masturbating with the same Kyle pictures all the time. No, no. I'm not sending any more pictures because I feel like you guys got, like, trickled along.

So when I finally, like, showed the reveal, you guys were like, yeah, I saw you yesterday. It was looking good. First of all, I want more pictures. Second, send them or not, I'll see them when find your tinder profile well i would i would love to get more pictures of don't tell me you're gonna do all this and not put it kyle where's your only fans i'm taking i take lots of pictures but they are for me and uh for my documentation and i have a really cool i have a really cool bit that i'll tell you guys that I have planned. Okay.

But I wouldn't say it publicly because, A, it would ruin it if I actually do do it. And, B, I would say 30% chance I actually go through with it because it's difficult and it's going to require some work. And I hate that shit. No, you're a hard worker for things that end up being funny. So you've got to push through. Pain is comedy. So I was thinking I'm going to type what I was going to. You do the ads or something while I type. All right.

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Are you one of those people who would read something? If there was something fucked up in there, would you just... Anchorman? Anchorman right through it? I might do that. I don't know. And so this is a you would get halfway through issued to all sponsors put racial epithets in your reads and see if i read them it's a it's

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Oh, speaking of animation, so obviously The Boys has come out. That is our favorite show here at PKA. It's PKA's favorite show. Good show. Two-thirds of PKA's favorite show. The first season was good. And since I'm all

caught up on season three, which is coming out right now, I thought I'd go back and watch the animated thing they had. Invincible. Diabolical. No. No, the animated boys stuff. It was, Woody's shaking his head.

I don't think he liked it. It's wonderful. It's like five or six shorts with completely different animators and writing teams making each of them. Nice. But staying true to the canon of the universe. One of them is Justin Roiland. So it's like, wait a minute.

Those are fucking like Rick and Morty teeth. You know how they do their pupils and their teeth. Yeah. It's that. It's super gory. And one of them is like a Looney Tunes. Kind of like the baby's out. And you're following it through the construction site.

Kind of like that. Nice. I love shit like that. More like of an artistic example. I love the boys. I'm a boys fan. I watch the boys more than one time. I get legit excited when the boys drops. We get it. You like boys.

That was fantastic. I could barely sit through it I sat through it like it was detention like it was an assignment did you at least appreciate that you got that look at what Homelander was like when he was brand new to being in the seven it just somehow didn't care

I don't know maybe I need to watch it again maybe it lost me by the time I got to that one it was the last one um i liked it a lot i liked it a lot i thought i i appreciated the animation different animation styles one of them was japanese that was really interesting i liked the storylines i really liked the one where there's the little the couple who are both kind of like six out of ten freckly, big-nosed people, and they both don't think they're good enough for the other one

without their Vought Industries. But then at the end, you get the rug pulled out from under you that it was all in his head the whole time and none of that even happened. It's like, yeah, this is a real dark, nihilistic universe that this shit happens in. It's rough. It's a Prime Video thing?

I don't know why I asked. Let me just go boot it up and watch one episode. Skip through it. I didn't even know this was a thing. It was not heavily advertised? It's called Diabolical. Which is like Butcher's catchphrase when some crazy shit happens.

There's a very good one where Butcher and Frenchie tamper with a soup's drugs. And it's funny to get an inside look at what kind of drugs do soups like. Homelander likes to do cocaine spiked with adrenaline. And this one character likes heroin enemas. He wants a whole bag of heroin squirted up his asshole.

And when it happens happens he's like fuck yeah like his like he's like seeing like rainbows and hearts and shit um and they tamper with his drug supply so that something awful happens to that soup in front of you know the public i liked it i like it was they're quick they're maybe 12 15 minutes each and there's i wonder if they're available on... So I'm watching part of the boys thing. This is not a plug, but I watched all of the boys' first season and second season as part of a watch party thing with Twitch that we did

because they have that built in. So if this is widely available, because there's only one episode a week now, I'm looking for a way to supplement that. episode a week now. I'm looking for a way to supplement that. The Boys does a good job of taking you from a point of I think that they could do this on

national television. It's not national TV, but I think they could do this on a major franchise to like... I'm trying to imagine sitting in that boardroom for the first episode, walking through that scene, and it's like, no, no, no no it'll totally okay like he'll crawl in there and then he'll get real big real quick and everybody's like yeah no that's

cool yeah um i i think woody didn't catch it the first time i think he thought it was an asshole but oh dude i you were right uh but but if you like it's they don't show the whole penis so it's easy to be like just see a guy crawling in the opening or whatever. But it's clearly a dick head. It's the pen of a penis. And he crawls right in there, and it's really funny. But they did that in season one. They did that in season one with a vagina. The guy runs and like, ah!

And like dives into her pussy. It's the same guy, yeah. Is it the same guy? Yeah, it's the same soup. dives into it's the same guy yeah is it the same guy i hope yeah it's the same soup yeah it's it's such a i think it's a fairly um accurate take of what it would be like if if there were superheroes especially if they were corporately owned superheroes yes well i think the idea is would they become corporately owned i well that's how how they began. I was about to talk about a spoiler, but I'm being very careful not to spoil anything. Homelander has a speech that he gives in private to one of the other characters.

And it particularly was like, yeah, I think that's what Homelander would do. I get it. It really did a great job and i'm loving the boys it's as good this season as it ever has been and oftentimes by season three things drop off a little bit not so far i really liked that he finally just said it because yeah yeah you know you maybe put your you're like how imaginative how smart is homelander because he really doesn't like flex that like calc he's not he's been he's been losing all three seasons because we need him to be emotionally fragile so he's really losing the battles and the war at the same time everything's that's coming up homelander because he's just always fucking shit

up um oh i lost my train of thought uh so you wanted to see what would happen if he kept losing no no yeah it's not coming back in any case i love how oh i i'm glad that we've gotten to a point where he finally says it and he like has a plan you're like oh that's a well thought out plan this is not something he just came up with right off the right right today he's got he's been thinking about this for maybe decades about how he would take over keep fucking pushing me and see how that works out for you i am the most powerful being to have existed in the universe thus far yeah and you're like oh actually crazy that amazon really locked down two two very similar um show ideas with invincible and this but they're both standing like pretty like they're they're not bleeding into each other

too much i was kind of worried when i first heard invincible i'm like and um and peacemaker is very much in the same vein that that sort of never seen it have no idea. It's very gory. It has that James Gunn kind of pop music from the 70s set to funny. Juxtaposed in some instances with ridiculous... And it's not all that. There's a song by the Choir Boys

that John Cena sings to. It's this really girly rock ballad thing. He's got a Hitachi magic wand as his microphone. And he's in his whitey tighties. And it's funny. It's like, oh, John Cena can do physical comedy and normal comedy.

He's just a funny fucking guy. He's a good actor. So he kills it in that show. It's worth a watch. I like that guy. I like that he showed up for that ukrainian down syndrome child i've seen this john cena interviewed a bunch of times and he always comes off like a really down-to-earth good person there's something wrong with him not wrong with him there's some there's a story there's something hidden in his past that i can't

remember it's not hidden i basically i think there was something that came up with maybe his ex-wife or i there's something i remember somebody trying to tarnish him and i was like i can't hear you over the hundreds of sick kids he's made their wishes come true yeah yeah like how bad could he be he's the guy for that like like if you look at like the total number of like like three times yeah he if you guys ever wish like it's like a wayne yeah he's done every yeah three it's like nobody can stop your record no one is gonna catch up to john i used to wish that someone would pick me for wake make a wish foundation i don't want anybody picking me i will decline i don't want to watch somebody dying no one's gonna pick me but some kid being like when i was like a bigger deal on

youtube and i was like maybe someone will pick me. Maybe somebody will pick me. No one ever picked me. There is nothing... If someone picked me for a Make-A-Wish, I would be like, dude, bad call. Thank you. Reconsider.

I'm a nobody. You gotta get that John Cena shit. What if they wanted me to shoot them with a cannon or something? That was their wish. They were like, I want FPS Russia to give me a thermite goodbye. All I wanted was to meet a fat middle class person from Missouri. I saw a green text today. I saw a green text today and the guy said he's suicidal.

He wants to die. Too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. These are his words. And too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. Hear that you can hire assassins on the dark web. Get an onion router. Sure enough, there they are. Guy's $500.

I offer him $1,500. I tell him all I want is to die. Please kill me. Please. to die. Please kill me. Please. I need someone to kill me. Get message back. Actually, this is the FBI. We're running a sting.

Here's a suicide hotline, though. Good luck. It's like for my loss. Yeah. You know, a big part of me wants green text to be true a lot of the time and so i yeah so sometimes like pulling the veil over and just being like what an idiot oh that sucks that's another great show that reminds me of another great show um barry like anybody oh yeah barry fantastic watch barry anybody who's who's new to barry i promise you this is a dark comedy about a lifelong hit or a hit man and former vet

who is uh a little bit on edge let's just say that who discovers that maybe he's got a talent for acting and he starts pursuing that while still hitting people and and he's basically like he's like he's like he's a he's a comedic john wick like he's just like, he's a comedic John Wick. He's just invincible, seemingly. If he's got a gun in his hands, he just slaughters everyone. And there's really good action scenes to go along with the dark comedy. It's fun. It's really good.

It's a comedy, John Wick. Wordsmithing, nobody's ever said this. It's John Wick with jokes. It's John. No no he's saying he is he is like the equivalent of a John Wick type character he's that much of a badass you're saying Barry I'm thinking of

Mr. No one this whole time you're talking very similar names I get it well they're very similar characters who's the who's the uh who's the uh the actor that plays barry i'm spacing out oh the snl dude yeah no he's in uh to people like me all right never fucking mind it's very good bill hater bill hater bill hater that's who it is i um i'm gonna call it right now. I'm going to make Bill Hader my guy, and I'm going to call it, when's Emmy season?

When do they give the Emmys out? It's in the fall, right? I have no idea. I've never watched. You want to make a bet that in the, I'm going to call it cold that Bill Hader wins an Emmy, and he hasn't even been nominated. There are no nominees.

What else is he in other than that show? It's going to be for Barry. Oh, for Barry. Which one is Emmy? It's the best performance on TV, best actor on TV. All of TV. Who would he be up against?

I'm calling it right now. $10 if you want to take it. Bill Hader is going to win an Emmy for best actor this year. Or supporting actor, whatever he happens to be. I'll take it. I'm going to take that every day of the week. I feel like you're saying, I take Bill Hader. You get every other actor in the world.

That's what I'm doing. I lost you $100 last time. Kyle also did this shit with the Trump thing. also did this shit with the thing and i don't wait frankly i don't think kyle gets enough credit pre-2016 to calling the trump thing like i think between the three of us kyle like i was like there's zero chance he wins woody was like there's no there's very little chance i think kyle was the one who was like yeah i think he's got it maybe that. What I lost money on was the Biden-Bernie thing. Like, I got every other person. You guys?

I'm just saying, Kyle called the Trump thing pretty good. Did he? I might have. I don't remember exactly. I thought you did. I will say this. The week of, like, Election Day, I think that I called that Trump was going to win long before it was even close. But on, like, the week of, like, when it was time to go what i but on like the week of like when it was time to go i had no confidence it was gone this is my favorite part of election night because this

killed me and i fell for it chis and i are rooting for hillary right i know it sounds stupid now but we were rooting for hillary at the time kyle and taylor were rooting for trump and chis we're following it together and chis is saying trump has won it's he's virtually run haley has to win every state and taylor is feigning confusion i don't get it i still think trump's gonna lose and he made chis explain how his person was unwinnable how it was hopeless already like six times i made him explain it so many times because then it'd be like and now north carolina goes trump and i'd be like i still don't see it chis and then he would spell it out in a huge text and i would just respond idk like that was such a fun night i had so much fun he'll write six paragraphs of his reply like i'm not even exaggerating four six paragraphs is commonplace when he's like

going on it and taylor had him going so strong and i i'm stupid he's hitting me with six paragraph responses for just lols it was it was such an insane night i can remember yeah like again it was gonna be a bad day for me like i knew that hillary clinton was going to be the next president and i was upset about it you know as someone who was making their living like with a gun channel and like building guns and shooting guns it was like oh hitler got elected today this is bad yeah she's like our she's she's the worst for this she's the worst i thought biden was worse but i'm still listening clearly look at all he's done we did not like her or the prospect of her it was it was like oh yeah she was sort of held up there as

the antichrist we did not like the prospect of her for a number of reasons but that was a big one for me i was i was upset and then i so i slept through like the deciding like minutes when it was like um wait a minute maybe maybe something is happening nah nah like when they were still confusion i slept through that i woke up and they were like we might have something here boys like it was already in full like wait a minute we're doing they were doing all that math and it was like well hillary just needs to win like every fucking county in eight states that remain and she'll be fine right and i was like looking at my girlfriend i

was like they were worried look at these wolf blitzer looked worried i was like it was so great i was like i was like he's one he's one i think he's one they look so scared all right she probably still pulls it out but they're gonna be scared all night this is fun and it became more and more clear that no they're scared because they know that it's a long shot. And then you got to see the Hillary supporters crying. Tears. Tears. And say what you want about how cringe it is. Such fucking losers.

Imagine crying over a presidential choice. Maybe it's cringe now to talk about liberal tears, but I'm going to tell you, that night in 2016, liberal tears were so, so delicious you could taste them through your TV screens. Because these weren't your average liberals. These weren't people who were like, I don't know, I just think that maybe health care shouldn't cost a million dollars if you have a heart transplant or whatever.

Common sense liberal things. We're not talking about those people. We're talking about the people who were waiting in line in front row at the Hillary announcement. Like hand-picked cattle out there and watching them cry oh it was tasty my friend that was that was a red day i i still like that is going to be a memory that i keep forever i still remember sitting there on the couch having alzheimer's takes it like yeah until alzheimer's comes in all All those Diet Coke sodas. Eat your grains. All those old-fashioned aspirin I've been drinking. Eat your grains, Taylor.

Keep it away. I remember being like, oh, my God. This is going to happen. And then texting back in our group chat and being like, I don't know, Chiz. I don't see a path. That was so fucking funny to me. I was having so much fun that night i can tell you that the one thing that i realized that was the first uh election i was 24 right so whenever obama went

through his last term that was not necessarily a highly contested one i felt no need to drink underage and you know have that fun thing so for this one i was like i can't wait to play uh uh a drinking game around election night so for every state they call we'll do half a shot in whichever direction they call it and so we're like all right well we'll do half a shot for every state trump calls it's a rookie mistake because they start in the northeast there's about 400 states up there so they call them in waves of eight and they're like trump has won the southwest that's like you know it's like 13 states and i was like all right i guess we're ripping six and a half shots it's not even make it to the midwest like they were they

were over there like dabbling midway. As soon as he took South Carolina, passed out. I literally woke up at four in the morning. How are you not guaranteed to do 25 shots in this game? I don't think I understand. Well, because you pass out.

Okay. I don't know. They have a shot for every state they call. So they go, and we're calling New Mexico. I don't know. You have a shot for every state they call. And I'm like, right. So they go and we're calling New Mexico. Like, you know, I don't know. New Mexico is over there. They're called New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine. Like they all get because they all close at the same time and they all vote similar ways.

It's pretty easy to call Mississippi, you know, and yeah, and Louisiana and all. And they have like whatever. So they can make a trend choice. And so when they start closing at what? I'm on West Coast at like, polls close at 8 p.m., right? So it's 5 p.m. my time. Time to drink. Time to drink.

It's 5 o'clock. Polls close somewhere maybe. So like by around 9 p.m. I'm shithouse because they've made it through the entire eastern seaboard. And that's like half of our state. You're still waiting for Illinois to post. Yeah. Already shithoused. Yeah, just like, guys, I really think Montana's going to bring it back for her. I don't know.

I think she only has to win Montana and Idaho to really win. You know, Hillary loves potatoes. I've seen her campaign in a five guys remember like the first half of that night watching and being like there's no way yeah it was he won pennsylvania oh my god he just kept winning might be the president and like in the previous elections i remember that like florida and ohio were always very contentious and it took a while to figure them out you know and there may there may be a north carolina has been more blue for a long time but but i think it's been contentious no uh we were blue for obama one time but we're mostly red okay it's pretty purple white stuff carry on i i think that was a contentious one maybe during the Bush years.

I kind of think of it that way. But as soon as I turned it on, it was like, oh, Trump's already taken a lot of the stuff that he's not even supposed to be close on. He's supposed to be eight points behind, and he won by four? It was stuff like that. Dude, it was like watching gangas khan conquer a nation in quick time where it was like where it was suddenly realizing like oh everything the media has been saying has been from the perspective of new york and la people a lot of middle americans really like what saying fuck you to the establishment that be and that's the way i

see the trump vote in a lot of ways that's the way that's the reason i voted for him both times is like as a fuck you of like you you people in hollywood not hollywood you people in in dc you're such duplicitous fucking monsters fuck you i'm gonna put the apprentice guy in if i can go eat my ass fuck you all you talk about is how we need more rights for individuals in the American public. And then health care doesn't come. Nothing comes. All it ends up is you guys clasping hands in the end with the Republicans so you can fund more wars. And a lot of people voted for him for that reason.

I know I did as a like, go fuck yourself. Like we are tired of you. I think he's the first president in our lifetimes, any of us, who didn't start a war. Literally the first president in 60 years that did not start a new conflict. Yeah. Like, so that part of him, I love. And so what has he done for America, really? When America is the military-industrial complex, he didn't do shit.

I hate it. He should have started at least three more wars. Libya was looking mighty fine during that time. But Obama already crushed Libya. Where's our next target? Where's the next war? Where's the next target? Well, clearly the target they wanted was Iran.

Antarctica. Yeah. You just don't think enough about Raytheon. And what about their... You don't think... What about Boeing? Those little rockets ain't free. The Lockheed Martin are people.

Can we... Wait, this is a semi-tangent. But you mentioned Iran. How funny is it that the World Cup group draw, if you don't know, is the U.S., England, Iran, and Wales? So two former colonies and the country we kind of all invaded. Wait, wait.

How does that work? How are they picking those four teams? Completely by draw. The only rule is that there can't be two countries in the same federation. So it was completely out of a bingo ball. They're just pulling names out. And the better part was the potential others, if Wales did not make it, the playing games were between Ukraine and Scotland.

I did see Scotland won that one. Yeah, they were very happy and Scotland. So that group was... I did see Scotland won that one. Yeah, they were very happy about it. Yeah, but that has to be one of the funniest groups in the world. It's just like global conflict, the video game. Is that fair? Maybe I'm 100% wrong.

Is Iran's team as good as the U.S. team? Iran is a dark horse. Iran's probably the best Middle Eastern team. They're pretty good. Yeah, everybody will make jokes about them, but Iran is scary good. The best Middle East team, you'd say. Well, they go in the ass. I'm actually kind of curious about that because that doesn't mean much to me.

Are they better than America? Well, I might get people. We're not very good. Listen, I watch all of our games. Maybe it's the best Western athlete team. Tucker would know. No, no, I'm saying this is a very culturalistic divide here. America has really great talent.

The best talent we've ever had. Our team is not good. This is our rebuild year slash our like. Good talent, but bad team. This is our rebuild year slash our, like, our best players are, like, are actually 20, 19, 18, 17. Some of them are injured. We're on the up then. The next World Cup is 2026 in the U.S., Canada, and Mexico.

So, like, that is our year. This year we're playing with house money. England's team is pretty meh. Whatever. And Wales' team has one of the best players they've ever had with Christian Bale. He's not retired. He's good. Iran is a dark horse. I straight up think Iran's going through

with either England or the US. It's gonna be one of those ones where people are like, well, fuck. I can't believe we lost to them. We didn't even know they played soccer over there. Are we as good as England is now? That's a loaded question. I would say we're both way worse than our respective fans think we are, but we're also better than most teams.

I still think that we could lose to Iran 100%. And England too. For England and all that stuff, there's an England team. It's not like a United Kingdom team. They do it by nation. Well, for the World Cup, right? stuff, there's an England team. It's not like a United Kingdom team. They do it by nation. Well, for the World Cup, right? Yeah, it's England. England lost to Italy in the last World Cup.

Was that right? Am I misremembering? I think that's correct. You can tell me anything and I'll buy it. I don't know anything about this sport. No, that's why it's so funny is that there is no UK team. It's not Geo. Like, it is, if you are a nation state, you're good to go.

San Marino, a small nation state in Italy with a population of 33,000 people, sends a team to play. They lose literally, I think they lost like 32 to nothing. You know. But, like, Iceland made it. So they're just the guys that can't make the italian national team those games yes i thought i thought italy was very good no italy didn't make the world cup by the way so funny they didn't make the world cup i think they didn't make it they won

the they did not make the last world cup they won the the the European League tournament which is only the like most of the good teams and then they didn't qualify again for the World Cup it's like the most backwards thing how could they not qualify if they beat let me listen you know wonderful question how could a team so good this doesn't make any sense

to me you gotta win the things that matter so imagine like here's a good thing how can America not win basketball every single year oh i thought we did fuck no no no we're not that good we don't lose the croatian shit i think i remember hearing yeah well like you got you got a lot of like international and uh balkan and eastern europeans that are really good at basketball now point is like you can just be really bad in the tournament and your team doesn't make it because there are other, like, Moldova showed up this year.

Because Moldova came to play. North Macedonia, no, North Macedonia knocked Italy out of the World Cup. Let that sink in. I barely believed that North Macedonia was an actual country in 2022. And it's like that that's why

it's like macedonia like i i used to think like it must be sad it must be sad to be greek because it's like you look back on you invented all this shit like you founded all of western civilization and now you're a country in deep debt that like can't do anything on their own eight years ago oh they were own oh yeah like Greece was a huge part of the EU what do you think Iraq is like guys we all came from here stop it like come on

we love Iraq like guys the great we love people coming from yeah but like this is our sand the world cup is is gonna be fantastic because this is the one time where people who don't give a shit about soccer can be really

nationalistic and it's just good because we all hate the Brits so what better you get to go against the Brits, you get to go against Iran. I don't know what any qualms we have with the Welsh are but I'm sure we can figure out something. They speak weird. Fuck those Wales people.

Amalgamation of words and letters into something. I don't know anything about the Welsh, but if we're fighting them, bitch, you better be ready. Just based on having seen the fans of all the sports, you would think that soccer is the most

white trash of sports. Based on just the people that I see coming out of those places. Especially soccer is the most white trash of sports. Like based on like, like just, just the people that I see coming out of those places, especially whenever I see like, like violence happening, those groups of people. The hoodlums.

Yeah. The soccer. No, the hooligans. Yeah. Oh, hooligans. That's what it's called.

Well, Mexico, the Mexican premier league actually just had a huge situation this year I'll call it where like people died alright pause there which group of fans would win in a fight like hooligans, Mexican murderers

it's got to be UFC no literally it doesn't like what country what country wins it's probably South American fans like I don't I mean when's the last time you heard about fans murdering each other in the stadium in England? This happened this year.

This year. Other fans? The fans murdered the opposing. There's videos of it. Yeah, it's South America or Brazilians. Brazil goes hard. I'm talking about the Tier 3 league where they're shooting AKs into the sky on goals. Like this is not a joke, a meme, a like Western thing.

It's literally like, ha, ha, good goal. That's kind of tight. I like that. Yeah. That's cool. I just can't believe. Okay, well then go Brazil. Go to Brazil.

Yeah. No, I just, I love, I love that in every other sport that we love in the Western like hockey, probably one of the more rowdy sports love playoff hockey. It's been great to watch getting back into it. Oh, who are you rooting for Tucker? Well, I was with the Kings and then Calgary or Edmonton knocked them out. I went to a game. So I guess I'll go with the, I guess I'll go with the Oilers. They're in it, right?

It's the Oilers and the Avalanche. Colorado knocked the Oilers out, so now it'll be Colorado in the Stanley Cup Finals versus either New York or Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay. I don't want Tampa Bay to go back again. The three-peat, which has never happened in the cap area. You know what?

No, they're tied. 2-2. Game's happening right now. Oh, they're losing right now. Actually, I just looked. Am I wrong? Oh, no. I was talking about the series scores. 2-2. Game's happening right now. Oh, they're losing right now. Wait, actually, I just looked. Am I wrong? Oh, no, I was talking about the series scores, 2-2. I haven't actually checked.

I try not to check games that I want to watch after the show. They just tied it up. I'm wrong. All right, well, spoil it. Let's keep talking. No, so the Kings have been so bad, not historically, since 2017, I guess. The tickets, well, whatever they last won the stanley cup right so yeah uh the to give you an idea i moved downtown covet happened wasn't you can get king's tickets center ice in the like nice premiere level for 13 um which is like wow that's surprising so i paid 28 this year to go see them,

and they made it past round one of the Stanley Cup, right, into the round of 16 or whatever. Yeah, I paid $28 to go watch the Kings play. And it's like LA doesn't have that culture, but fuck, I forgot how fun hockey was to watch. Hockey rocks, man. It is the most fun playoff sport to watch well it's great because you can have a game go 1-0 or 7-7 and and there's no in between and it's also the only one

of the few sports where like if you're there's there's legitimate power swings based off of how many people are there like soccer you get a red card you're like one that's rare two you're down nine percent of your task force hockey you're like this is the 19th penalty go sit your ass down we actually have another one going it's 3v5 for the next four minutes have fun you know and you're just like well this seems imbalanced but okay at least something's gonna happen like i forgot how good it was to watch uh so yeah i mean if nothing happens that's something like it's really significant to survive a five on three yeah and there's a or like getting a shorthanded goal is like what a shorthanded goal

yeah it's gonna set the arena alight like everyone's gonna freak out have a great time i just i love the environment of watching hockey i like i just love it like hockey is the best sport to watch live and i know i'm a hockey fan it's the only sport you guys don't have anything else you're in st louis you got baseball and hockey what else well everybody here is no no no football addicted to the cardinals everybody here loves the cardinals it's the only city i've ever heard about where like you talk to a normal person day to day and you're like hey what do you think about that cards game and they're like i really hated the pitching in the ball like everybody fucking is addicted to it i don't know shit like maybe

about baseball i don't know shit i don't know anything and so hockey is the only thing i follow like really intensely like very much so and st louis is one of the best hockey towns in the country we have the st louis and buffalo have the best ratings for hockey per capita than any city in the country. Like St. Louis and Buffalo, we love our hockey. But my God, they just can't get the playoff structure right. Where now, now they're having – There's too many playoffs games, by the way. Like as somebody who's now getting reintroduced.

No, regular season games. Well, I mean, I think there's too many playoffs games, by the way. Like, as a casual, as somebody who's now getting reintroduced. No, regular season games. Well, I mean, I think there's too many games, period. Like, I agree. I watch football. There's 17. I was like, you guys added a fucking game? Are you kidding me? All right, that's fine.

But if we get close to 20, I'm like, too much. We can't do this anymore. But hockey, I mean, how many are there? 80, 90 games in the season? There's 82 games in the season. Right. Which is the same as basketball. But then playoff is best games in the season. Right. Which is the same as basketball. Yeah.

Right. But then playoff is best of fives minimum. Right? No, it's best of seven minimum. Best of sevens. Yeah. So baseball, or I'm sorry, NBA and NHL have the same playoff structure. Oh, okay.

And I think NBA has 32 teams or maybe 30 teams. I don't know. The NHL has 32 teams. And so half of them make it to the playoffs. But am I wrong in saying, okay am am i wrong in thinking that it is more drawn out with basketball and more uh i feel like when i watch hockey it is always either two or three three five game seven or four oh like it seems like it is much more uh prone to swings maybe it's the physicality of the sport how much you're getting involved but like i was trying to keep attention going and i'm like oh we

still got three rounds of best of sevens before we get to the stanley cup final that's a lot of play is and i agree with you it is a lot like selfishly as a big hockey fan who doesn't just watch the blues like i'm still watching the it's a third of your season i just did the math yeah if you if you make a run it's a another third of your season extended into playoffs and they used to be like well there's no way for teams to maintain how are they supposed to repeat with this new structure and now tampa bay has won the last two stanley cups and they're looking like they're wanting a third stanley cup in a row. That's cool for the culture.

Tampa's my second favorite team, and so I would be totally fine with it now that the Blues are out, which is why I'm sitting in front of this St. Louis Blues sign with crying Jordan in front of it because we got knocked out by the Colorado Avalanche. Very unfortunate. Very inappropriate. Kadri Ran Bennington, to all the people who are going to hate on me i can't wait to see your tweets on twitter cadre ran bennington everyone knows anyway we can go to the next thing see these two don't even know what i'm talking about yeah i don't know who cadre is i was just watching somebody cadre intentionally on accidentally on purpose ran into our goaltender in game three of the st louis

colorado finals and i said it on pkn if it had been kale mccarr if it had been a young defenseman some other player on the abs who didn't have a history of running goalies and intending to injure people i would have been like that's a really unfortunate play fuck this sucks our best goalies taken out of the series but it was nazemri, who literally has a history of the past five postseasons attempting to injure people. Last postseason, he took Justin Falk, our best defenseman, out of the playoffs with a very dangerous head hit. The kind of head hit that if you're not interested in hockey might look like you want to kill someone. And that's what it looked like. This guy, Nazem Kadri, attempts to ruin people's careers all the time.

And so when I was told by these hockey journos who were like, it was a, it was an innocent play where he fell towards Bennington. It's like, first of all, look at the clip. Callie Rosen is in front of, of Nazem Kadri.

Nazem Kadri is behind him. How do you push someone? Get the MS paint up. I want to see the diagrams. Here, let me, Zach, Zach, I'm going to link you a photo of the exact situation that happened. It's funny because I remember seeing your comments on this,

and I remember the photo and me looking at this, and you're like, and I think your tweet is like, if you know nothing about hockey, maybe this looks like an unintentional something. Yeah, I just linked some. Zach, put that picture up. And I want someone, as soon as this comes up, we'll talk about it. Now, tell me how the guy with the white helmet is being pushed into number 50, the St. Louis goalie, by number 43 in front of him.

Now, clearly, number 43 is attempting to stop right now. Look at the angle of the skates. And now I'd also like you to look at the angle of Nazem Kadri skates. That right skate is angled inward. That left skate is angled inward. That's simple. That shows an attempt to move forward. Now,

Callie Rosen is attempting to pull the puck out right here. What you'll see if you watch this clip is that Nazem Kadri falls forward in a way that knocks him into Jordan Bennington. And you might say, Argole, Jordan Bennington. And you might go, oh, that's ridiculous. That's crazy. Watch the clip after that. And you can see Nazem Kadri intentionally laying on Jordan Bennington's knee, which he knows he attempted to injure. And then he stands up by putting his hand on Bennington's knee and pushing

with all of his weight off of it. And if you can't see that this is a dirty ass hockey play, then you are a fucking retard. And I invite you to tweet your rationale at me just because the other hockey journos who have a hard on for the. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I got it.

Here's here's my. All right. How even if he even if his, let's assume the trajectory of this Blues player, he's stopping right, and we got the guy, Kadri, running a straight line, although it looks like he's going at an angle. Yeah, an angle towards the goal. At the moment of impact, is there any way he can change where he goes after this? Not saying that he is directing himself, he's change where he goes after this not saying that he is he is

directing him he's not directing himself at your keeper which he probably is but like what you want him to do in this situation i totally understand what you're saying and so like in hockey there is uh there are penalties for being reckless because when you're moving that quickly on ice like you can very quickly be reckless and be like oh i, I didn't realize I was boarding that guy. And so like reckless hits are something they call in hockey. And this was bare minimum, a reckless use of his body to skate full force towards a goaltender and then not have the ability to stop.

And anyone who watched hockey before two weeks ago understood that. I don't know about that, Taylor. No. Yeah. It looks like the body language. He's leaning back a bit. Kyle, I totally understand what you're saying. Explain offsides to me real quick. He clearly bounced him into the goalie. I'm going to be honest with you, Taylor.

A still frame is pretty disingenuous coming from you. I don't know. Do you want a different still frame? Do you want the full video? Well, we can't watch the full video. I want like several hundred still frames in a row. I can kind of see how the player is stopping. The avalanche player is moving forward.

And that caused him to trip him. No, if he hadn't borderline leapt into the play. Like the same way that like... I'm not seeing it. And the rationale for this was oh he was going for the puck okay i've seen lots of players go for the puck and then run into someone and board them and it's called the boarding no it doesn't matter they went for the puck what happened happened and what happened here was borderline or was a reckless play and i don't think there was no

core in your argument very well. I don't think you understand jack fuck about hockey. Well, I think that maybe if it's explained a little bit easier, you know, like maybe you and the 18 other people who do know hockey will have to know why that still image is a bad thing.

I would like to share that with you. Can you not see it? Can you not see how it's bad i noticed they were like on ice with skates on as grown men and i was kind of just interested at that point well then fuck me i'm i'm wrong then but that was a run that was a run at a goalie and every if like the way it actually happened is Nazem Kadri, who has a history of running players and attempting to injure them. That's not up for debate. He does.

He did that to Jordan Binnington, our goaltender, and he ran him. And then very smart PR move from Nazem Kadri's wife or girlfriend. I don't recall because he's a Muslim. And so as soon as that happened everyone starts going what the fuck nazim kadri once again for the fifth time in five years gets suspended in the playoffs for being a piece of shit and then she posted all of these uh dms from racist anons being like you're a muslim fuck you or whatever the fuck and then all the hockey journos these sjw journos pivot

and they're too afraid to say what he did was dirty. And so they go, oh, this is true. This is so racist. This is so horrible. Like it's beyond the pale. And it's like, yeah,

we can be against racist people while also realizing what he did was absolutely intense. Taylor, are you telling me there's drama involving a player's girlfriend on Twitter and I didn't know about it already? Yeah. Why are you keeping me there's drama involving a player's girlfriend on Twitter and I didn't know about it already? Yeah.

Why are you keeping me out of the loop? I need to get you in the loop so you can get in the mix, man. This is gold. This is gold. I need more of this. Yeah. I don't know. Does anybody in hockey ever, like, assault each other outside the ice?

Like, does that ever happen? Really? No. Like, hockey is one of the nicest other outside the ice like does that ever happen really no like hockey is one of the the nicest sports off the ice like they're very good guy even pk suban he was a piece of shit dirty guy on the ice for quite a while he donated 10 or 11 million dollars to the montreal children's hospital and so like a few years ago and runs that. And so I was like, okay, this guy,

he does some dirty shit. I don't like it. But he also is giving tens of millions of dollars of his money to fucking children's hospitals. So you know what? I'm going to overlook him being dirty sometimes because he's clearly a good person who cares about people.

Are you one of those net positive, net negative type of people where you're like all right well you did some things that i found not not very tasteful on the on the football field but like humanity is better off with you so like i will bow out you know i've never thought of it in that framework but yeah like if if like pk suban if he's dirty to people on the ice but he's donating like 10 million dollars to children's hospitals like i like that guy yeah like he's i think i think you're an asshole on the field but you're a net positive person yeah like you helped a lot of young kids that otherwise wouldn't have

gotten help if you hadn't done that so you were i think that equalizes a lot you were talking yeah you were talking about just like like dirty hits and stuff guy, I have no idea if he's a good guy or not, and I don't know why this gif linked, but this is Miles Garrett taking the helmet off a quarterback of the Steelers and using it as a bludgeoning weapon, right? And this was one of those few times I'm watching this live. I'm watching this live, and those helmets are like bowling balls, like a football helmet.

They're made. Oh, they're – what happened as a result just to be clear he took the man's helmet and then hit him with it and then hit him with it yeah miles garrett's like an insane dude he got fined or something but this is one of those times where you're like this man should yeah this man should have assaulted someone with a deadly weapon. Probably not with the NFL. NFL's probably stingy about their shit. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. This is actually deadly. That's concussion protocol level of...

For sure. It's a helmet swung by a guy who plays in the NFL. They need to start charging. The NFL suspended Garrett indefinitely and fined him $45,000 and then reinstated him in February. And then the league fined both teams a quarter million dollars. Both teams?

What the fuck? I mean, he clearly instigated it, right? Oh, no, no. Miles Garrett is an asshole of a human and a player. So, like, he's not in the right here. But I was just like, when you were talking about do people assault people off ice, I was like, people assault people on the field,

and they get away with, if you want to physically assault somebody and never get charged with it, just be a professional player and do it on the field. Zidane headbutted a guy in the World Cup final, knocking him to the ground, and everybody was like, yeah, that was pretty crazy. That's part of the sport.

It's an unwritten rule. It's handled there. I don't know at what point it would go beyond that. But I know in MMA, with UFC, you've got guys attacking each other outside on the streets, and it's going to end up going to court. There's a lot of charges against Jorge Masvidal because he got his ass kicked by a guy he absolutely loathes just the worst guy to ever lose to you can't imagine how antagonistic colby covington is taylor he's a

like like he's the guy who's like in the oval office he's the big trump trump guy yeah all the way like huge huge his instagrams or whatever his tiktoks and shit start with like what's up nerds and virgins and like that's what he calls like all the viewers and he'll have like two like paid models there in bikinis with him like like like quietly saying this and like just being obnoxious yeah he just fucking beat the shit out of jorge for five rounds and then jorge just straight up assaulted him on the streets, I think in Miami, like an attack. And now Jorge is in jail, right?

No, he's walking the streets, but there's charges pending. Well, who's that fighter you talked about who did something, and now he's in jail? Oh, now that's Cain Velasquez. He got into a gunfight. Yes, he shot that guy who molested his daughter or molested someone he knew's daughter or something. Yeah, the molester, I think, of his daughter.

Which I think he should be given the key to the city. Well, yeah, you might say that if he had just went and strangled the right person to death instead of firing his gun from his moving vehicle at the moving vehicle of the bad. Nah, thought that counts, man. He hit the guy's father-in-law or something like that, like a close relative, and severed the nerves in his hand.

So now this guy who's a roofer doesn't have a hand anymore, and it's like, bro, you were the heavyweight champion of the world. You could have taken this guy apart with your bare hands, and you chose to like shoot a handgun in traffic and all the ufc fighters have his back like all the celebrities amongst you know them they're the free cane shirts and shit and it's like i don't know man he's fucking shooting his gun in the fucking highway what if he'd hit me i don't get shot he seems like a bit of a loon based on that. A bit of a loon.

Yeah. Yeah, he's like... Let's not bring Minnesota's soccer team into this, right? Is that a Minnesota soccer team? Yeah, the loons. What a terrible name. Oh, I'm going to go to... No, their logo, though? Incredible.

Great logo. Yeah, the Minnesota loons. Is it a person in a straight jacket? Or is it a bird? It's a bird. Probably a bird? It's a bird. Probably a bird. That's a shame. I really wanted it to be like a 19th century insane person

in one of those old-timey straight jackets, just real riled up. Dude, regarding how soccer teams are named, I really hate it. I hate that they just pick the city name and then say football club. I wish they had animals, fun masc Like, I hate that they just, like, pick the city name and then say football club. I wish they had, like, animals, fun mascots, something like that.

Like, the Minufa, what the fuck is this? That looks very militant and very African. It looks a little... It's a Minnesota United football club, and it's the Loons. I, I, it's the Loons. It's just the Americans have mascots and Europeans have battle

badges. The crests of soccer teams are infinitely better than the flags of most countries. That's just a fact. Go look at the American flag. Come on.

I literally don't know what football. Yeah, but just Google, like, Google Barcelona Football Club. And look at that. Look at that. That's like a solid crest, you know, basic. Okay. And that's just like a. I like this crest.

Yeah. This is a good-looking crest. Yeah. We can do with more crests in sports, if anything. Right? I'm saying, like, this... Also, I'm from Maryland, so I see this, and I'm like, nah, it's an old soccer.

It looks like shit. It looks like a make-believe police badge for an 8-year-old. No, you got Switzerland on there? You have some other... Yeah, you got the Swiss. You got hemoglobin and blue... You got Switzerland on there. You have some. Yeah, you get the Swiss. You got hemoglobin and blue. You got blueberries down there. Look at the initials.

Fake cop badge. Okay, that's true. It is a fake. Yeah, I don't have much to go on that. You just arrest someone with a fake Barcelona badge. Sir, Barcelonian police. Are those the most ballsy people the people who pretend to be fucking cops and pull people over just to get a power trip yes people is that is that very hardcore is that widespread it's not

widespread but there's plenty of examples of it and you know because cops record everything now like there's video of it i saw a video of of a cop driving along, and he sees a fellow officer has pulled someone over, but the officer happens to be driving a Jetta or some shit. And he's wearing half a uniform. He has jeans with a gun belt. And he's like 12. He looks so young. He's like 17 or 18 or something and and he's and the

cop's trying to like yeah so what who do you work with and what are you doing here what's going and he's like he doesn't want to arrest a cop but you know you know because those pigs are all in it together um so he's being real like cool with him up until the point where he realizes this guy isn't a real cop and then it's just hilarious he's's like, well, you're going to jail now. And it's like, really? Why? Why? I was just being felonious for a bit. These guys have like full-on police

cruisers made up. That's really cute. Why not just fucking apply to be a cop? Because they all have and they can't make it. That's the deal. Too dumb to be a cop that's a there's nothing there's nothing worse than the person that physically fails the cop exam like i don't care and it's like yeah you fucking shouldn't this person holds this person i'm alarmed by the way they hold a pen it's probably with more than four fingers it's like i might i heard from a few reports you're

hiding skittles it's officer doofy from scary movie taylor i'm hearing you have pink starburst spoiler alert he was the killer the whole time i was the retarded killer the whole time he pulled a kaiser soze there at the end and like like stopped limping and drooling and stuff yeah except kaiser soze at the end of the movie like limps onto a short bus if you uh you're on a date taylor and let's say your second or third date with this lady that otherwise you're thinking this is this is pretty good i'm glad i'm cheating on my wife i thought this is this is going well Just imagine this is the scenario. But you're having a fine Italian dinner,

and she starts eating her pasta, and she's holding the fork like a goddamn savage. Like she literally stabs. As long as she doesn't cut it, you know? Oh, she's going to. She stabs into her chicken parmesan, and then she does one of thesemesan and then she like does one of these and then she's like eating like this and when she wanted to get when she wants to get

noodles she uses the spoon which you're like oh okay i've seen that but then she does this she like like like like a growth how hot is she well i hate this like medium hot like like like she was she's not the hottest person you've ever seen, then I don't see the point. Oh, she's not retarded. No. No. No, she's not. She is underage. What? She's two, and you're like,

I hate the way you're eating this food. You're like, you stand up angry. It's all over your face. If you're just going to blow spit bubbles, I like stand up angry. It's all over your face. You know what? If you're just going to blow spit bubbles, I'm out of here. That's what I'm saying.

Like, you wouldn't continue to date that four year old, right? There wouldn't be a fourth date. Like they're on the third date with the little prepubescent girl that you went out with to cheat on your wife. People don't know about this. She held her fork funny, Woody. She was like this, like a caveman. You wouldn't understand, Woody. She wouldn't eat the spaghetti normally. People who hold forks like that, literally subhuman.

People who bite into fucking food on a fork and clink their teeth on it don't deserve to have front teeth my brother had a friend and he held the fork you know the wrong way like like like this oh yeah wait what you know you hold the fork like a fucking gorilla oh instead of like yeah like okay so first of all he held the fork like this he gorilla, right? Oh, instead of like, yeah, like a... Okay, so first of all, he held the fork like this. He put the food in his mouth, and then to get the food off, he'd use his front teeth like this.

Shit! What a piece of shit. The fork would ring. The Spartans would have done with you what everyone should have and thrown you off a cliff. That guy should have been dashed upon the rocks. Like all of those retarded

babies that they got rid of. Yeah, that's absurd. Using his teeth to drag it off of the thongs of the fort. Crazy. I don't like feeling my teeth on any kind of silverware. Oh, no, it's awful and uncomfortable.

No, definitely not. It also makes you look like a fucking like feeling my teeth on any kind of silverware oh no it's awful and uncomfortable no definitely not yeah and it also makes you look like a fucking asshole at a restaurant right like i wouldn't want to like grow up one thing i only have i have decided to do whenever you're at a fancy restaurant nobody wants to fuck with the bread they're all afraid they're gonna look like some sort of like like weird person like ripping into that bread i get right i didn't know this was a thing yeah no i'm the first one the waiter's hand is a lot of people who are self-conscious about getting in on that bread the second the bread comes i'm i'm using bows to elbow people out like i'm i'm getting the waiter's hand is still on the board as i reach over yeah and i'm like i'm like like, grab that, grab the end, grab the end.

Last time I made like extra crumbs, I was like, you're going to love this. The waiter comes with the little crumb scoop. You know the crumb scoop thing? The little scraper? He shows up and he gets that bitch out. He was glad to see how many crumbs I had left for him. I did it on purpose.

I like made some crumblies. I did it everywhere. I made a fucking mess. I had a fucking mess because I knew he was coming around with that tiny little fucking crumb scraper. And he got them all up and I was just like, told you. That was a nice place you went to.

She was like, don't do that. He has to clean it. I'm like, they love it. It's what they live for. They're like working dogs. This is what we play for i also remember because when i did cotillion as in probably middle school i remember like thinking that was the fanciest thing of all time because all cotillion was was like you had to show up all dressed up and they're like we're going to teach you to dance with ladies and how to eat dinner and then like you did that and then

the little man came around well he wasn't a little he was a normal man but he scraped off he was a normal size man but he scraped off the uh the crumbs and such and I thought that was like creme de la creme you know pinkies upies up level fancy. And it was because think about it. How many restaurants have you been to that had those crumb scraper guys around? It's only the truly, really, really nice ones. What do you think they do with them? Oh, they keep them, those fucking bastards.

They keep our crumbs. They've got a big old crumb basket. They put them into a biscuit and then they eat that in the back and that's how they keep going. That's their sustenance. That's their only form of sustenance. It's all they get. Yeah.

No, that was great, right? I sent you that screenshot where, like, my Discover card got declined at the restaurant. And I was like, Discover really knows how to make a man look good on a date. I get a text message like, you made a 240 charge at the steak restaurant was that you and i was like why for yes well you want to try it again no i'm driving home now i had to use a real card that works when you buy things what the fuck kind of discover card are you using that they flagged you for a $200 dinner it's got a normal limit you know like it's a poor one it's not a poor one it's just like like what's your credit score listen there's something wrong here looks like somebody's

buying apps tonight we need to call it i just don't use it. Mr. Myers, we know you're not a potato skin wealth level guy. This man's done two for 20 every single weekend except for this one. Like, where's the mistake? No, I never used that card. The reason I grabbed it, I was like, ah, credit cards never, like, I thought my debit card will do that sometimes if, like, they see a charge in an area they normally don't see me in. But, yeah, exactly. If that's the case.

But, like, I thought Discovery would just be like, yeah, do it up. Because, like, I don't know. I do online shopping with those cards sometimes. Or travel. The whole notification system doesn't work the way it should because i've never had them notify me when my card was actually stolen i've only ever found out about the fraud when i've looked through it right so i've lost i i have a real bad habit of losing my credit card or leave actually leaving my credit card at the bar after signing the bill because you know sometimes they tuck it

underneath the receipt and i just sign and I walk away. I'm drunk. Right. One time I left my debit card there and somebody must have guessed my very super secret PIN code. So they withdrew a bunch of money from like several different ATMs. And then they made a very generous donation to an animal hospital. So I was like, I hope they saved your kid or whatever the fuck. But like, you know, cool.

Great for them. But they never notified me that there was like any weird withdrawals. I never take money out of ATM. I don't carry cash. So I'm like, wow, you maxed out four ATMs in 30 minutes. Like you think maybe that would be the sign. And they're like, yeah, no, cool. Like ever since I made that call, this was like two years ago, anything over like one hundred fifty dollars within twenty five minutes of my house or outside twenty five minutes of my house.

They're like, just making sure you're cool. This two coffees and a nice like, you know, sandwich costs twenty seven dollars. Is that you? And so I had to stop like I had to stop using that credit card because they wouldn't un-ping every single weird transaction. So that's the other end. Like, he'd rather not ping you. I'd rather just find out on my own. Like, I'm not blind to my... That is ridiculous. Yeah.

No, it was every single one, too. But it wasn't like this was not a major bank. This was a smaller local bank that I was using. A little credit union. A little... I was trying to get them fat percentages you know things weren't looking so hot yeah i'm trying to make 0.02 this year listen this is where the money's made my college tuition ain't paying for itself

this is where that 60 is made that 0.01 that.0001 Oh, I know what you would like. I got the chilled seafood tower while I was there. That's your jam. What? What was all on it? Zach, pull up Morton's

chilled seafood platter. I don't know. It's everything. If they're wasting space with salmon where crab could be, I'm not buying it. There's no way they're wasting space with salmon. I think it's all when you eat cold. Taylor, I had blue crab off of a nice block of dry ice. It was a solid display display almost like a shrimp cocktail except with none of the shrimp and only crab so how was it it was great you know as a maryland

boy i felt really at home but this is one of those things where i'd like you can't really get good blue crab over here king crab blue crab uh a maryland thing, it's small. Ooh, look at that. Oh, that looks fine. Look at that. Are those some clams in there? Are they erect? No, that's not clams. Look at the muscles. Look at that meat on top of those claws.

No, those are crab claws. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yes, those are snow crab claws. And if you're an expert, you can crack those out way easier than that. I could do it. Because what's going to happen is you're going to grab that bottom prong area and you're going to fall and what's going to happen is going to try and suck most of that meat under there no these these guys are fools you don't do it that

way you break out the top claw first before you crack the main part of the shell and that way when you crack the main part of the shell it's just there sitting for you and you can pull it out wholesale. The fact that they would do this, embarrassing. Listen, what would you expect from a Morton's? From a chain? Taylor, I just want to point out. From a chain restaurant. Taylor, I just want to point out what they've clearly done here is removed the claw meat as you would prescribe,

then went back with the claw and cut it in half so it could be presented and put the the whole piece of meat back into the no no you're misunderstanding how did they get the cut then so there is no no that's how they did it but do you see how there's two crab prongs coming out of that to the bottom right there so that that that one that he's on right now go to the other one zach yeah all right right there no not the other one the the the pincer because obviously only one of the claws is able to move and the top one that moves is attached to a very thin broad piece of cartilage and so what you want to do is break that off initially pull it down and that way the cartilage pulls free all the meat stays in that nice cylindrical container and then you cut off the surrounding area because all they're doing here is making

the individual break that down pull it out and all that's going to do is make that beautiful piece of meat tuck down a little bit as it's pulled how did you learn so yeah everyone everyone knows this you're born into this all right? You spend a couple summers cracking blue crab for four and a half hours a day drinking light beer, and I know how to open up a crab, gut it, take the lungs out. My man! Wow, there's two of them? Oh, but different types of crab. You know, mine, much more nuanced, much less meat.

No, I'm a master of all. I can do whatever you're talking about. I can do it faster than you. Swiss Army crab. I'm a crab. People have been calling me a crab genius. Yeah, but I'm from Maryland. No one's been saying that.

Do crabs? You have to be trifled with. I'm having a weird thought here. Crabs breathe underwater, though. Do they have gills and lungs? Because I've seen them exist above water. Is that just a temporary thing, like fish? Do they need to get right back in there?

It depends on the kind of crab. Because some kinds of crab live on land for a good bit. What about those little running crabs that kind of have a wiggle and one bigger claw? I have no interest in those. Are they land or... I'm doing the thing. This. What about those little running crabs that kind of have a wiggle and one bigger claw? I have no interest in those. They can't be eaten. Are they land or? I'm doing the thing. This.

The crabs that you're eating are almost entirely aquatic crabs. Land crabs tend to be small, if I know. You know what would be a tight spider to eat? Have you seen? It would be a tight. Crab. Crab. Have you seen those Japanese spider?

Jesus, what the fuck? Those Japanese. The ones that have like a nine foot long. Have you seen, or not spider, crab. Crab. Have you seen those Japanese spider? Jesus, what the fuck? The ones that have like the nine foot long, like, they're awful. They can get as wide as 16 feet. I've never tasted one, but I imagine the amount of meat. I'm trying to do a line of spider crab. Not that. No.

No. Not a spider crab. Not a knife wielder. Yeah, this is just like the ones that have that's a dps crab yeah what are you p.s a dps crab i said it was a mexican crab oh that's a good one i like that that's a honduran crab yeah i'm so glad that you're a crab man as well. Are you confident in your crab cracking speed abilities no matter where you go? I promise. All right, so yes, I am.

King crab, snow crab, great. We could sit down. As long as you're pouring it out, there's a place in Koreatown here that I have to go. If you are ever here, I would love to take you. They come out with a garbage bag and inside that garbage bag because you're ordering by the pound of king crab, whatever, is a vat

of butter and the spices that you have chosen. And so they pour out this fucking disgusting gluttony bag of just meat and whatever. Honest to God, as close to a... Oh, it'sest to God, like, like as close to tremendous. Oh,

it's so good. So unhealthy, but like as close to a spiritual experience as I've, I've had, but yeah, I mean, do you like lobster as much or no? Lobster is awful.

One of the, it doesn't compare to crab. Listen, lobster, lobster, shrimp. I also don't like, and here's the reason why shrimp and lobster are like, I know don't like. And here's the reason why. Shrimp and lobster are like, I know, look, like flesh grapes.

If you close your eyes and you eat a shelled shrimp or a bite of lobster, to me, texturally, it bothers me that it is the same crunch and juice amount as a grape. And that is my personal issue. You don't shell your shrimp? No, I'm saying if you do shell it, no, no, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It bothers me. They're like fleshy grapes. I don't like them. Lobster doesn't have flavor outside of butter, though. How about

a little cooked shrimp? You good with cooked shrimp? If we fry it, like deep fry it, then yeah. I'm not, like, I'll eat it, but shrimp is a low tier food. But a grilled shrimp that wouldn't you wouldn't enjoy that. Like a nice grilled shrimp or a nice sauteed shrimp. I'll eat it. It's not your jam.

I will eat it. I will. But I will suck the juice out of a crab. But I won't give the shrimp. I'm so on board with the crab supremacy that you're putting down because crab. I just don't. I think lobster is really overrated. I truly don't think that lobster carries

enough with it without itself. One billion percent. Lobster is so overrated. Lobster is a little less work for the meat. You can get the lobster claw, for example. It's gigantic. The lobster claws are gigantic. While I'll admit that crab tastes better, if you're just

using it as a butter shovel lobster is a bigger butter shovel i don't know i don't know for sure but i don't know if you've ever had a fancy lobster like i don't know if you've ever had a fan are you calling me poor sounds like what you're saying i don't know if you ever had a fancy lobster this is my poor friend Tucker. If you'll allow me to elaborate, I'm not talking about a lobster from a fancy place. I'm talking about a unique special kind of lobster, like maybe

a blue one or one of those like albino lobsters or like a lobster that they made eat. Do they taste better because they're blue? Or maybe a lobster that they only fed delicious shrimps that were only fed honey. Honey fed shrimp. I ate a fancy lobster once and it was terrible. How much does a lobster

weigh? It depends on the size. It depends on the lobster. The bigger the lobster, the worse the taste. Yes, that's where I was headed. It's like blueberries. I went to New York City and they had a giant lobster. My friend was bawling, so he was like,

I'll take that one. It was like a 15-pound lobster pound lobster lobster that you don't see commonly a rare that guy has been eating shit for 48 years that lobster is not good that guy's been eating other lobsters it was dry and it was yucky and it was the worst lobster ever um yeah i i haven't i don't i don't do lobster a lot because i'm kind of agree with you guys. It's not that great. I'd just rather have a steak. There is a difference between a steak. Tears are so well defined and so incredibly different between getting a bad steak, a good steak, like Omaha steak, an american wagyu and then an a5 wagyu you could

blind taste test layer these perfectly every time but with like seafood it gets way more uh hairy i think and with lobster and crustaceans too i don't even think it's a quality of like how good is the lobster how good is the crab i'm just like is it crap like for me it's a social thing like you're not going there necessary to just eat the meat you're like it's the process of breaking it apart oh it's a dinner it's a dinner event it's dinner and an event i most recently when i ate crab i ordered a huge amount of it and i was the entertainment for everyone else who was because nobody else ate it no because no i well they only offered three literally i go to this place and they say they have snow crab and how do they offer it three clusters at a time or i'm this you could

sell by one two or three clusters and so i asked for six like just give me like six clusters i can get a nice little snack in here before I go do my real eating somewhere else. And like the like, I felt like I was that guy in like X-Men first class where like everyone else at the bar kind of stopped watching sports and was watching me eat this food. And I can't exaggerate it. You have to be with me in person. I eat crab at a rate that is incomprehensible to an average person you you got it down to a crack pull suck gone and everybody's like watching this fine oiled machine i would have to go years back to find

the last time that i broke the big leg on a crab and couldn't immediately pull out the meaty part i'd have to go years back because i'm an expert i'm i'm an absolute expert in this way and if if anyone wants to get with me and pay for my meal and eat alongside me you're welcome to you're welcome to pay i'm going to a nice i'm going to a nice seafood restaurant with a bunch of snow crab in st louis area dm me and say taylor come along i'm gonna pay for this i'll put you in the poor house motherfucker i will i'll eat until there's no more crab to taylor with the bold thing pay me to eat until you're broke and i will do it pay me to eat until you're broke just watch me i'll be like a sideshow.

There is an art. Eating crustacean is a lot like the fighting game community. You can tell between somebody who just simply has eaten crustacean and somebody who eats crustacean. It's so fucking true.

Taylor, have you ever cooked your own? I have not, but my wife has for me. She's made crab at my house before, where she pours like that huge amount of Old Bay and like the Cajun seasoning and everything in the giant pot, and then she makes it. Yeah, I ordered, like not long before I went to prison,

I ordered, I think they were king crab legs, because they were like as long as my arm. Yeah, king crab. King crab, not quite as sweet a meat as the snow crab. It's so much bigger, though, again. It's like you're eating. It is way bigger. It is bigger, but you have to be willing to qualify the quality.

A snow crab leg tastes way better than a king crab leg there's a sweetness there that isn't there with the king crab now if you're talking about total amount of meat of course king crab is the way to go but zach's like we we had the crab discussion last talk guys yeah i'm, first of all, I know. Second of all, better than hockey. Better than hockey. I had to get the best I could do. You know what's so funny is I'm like passionate about this. I'm like, no, another thing about crab.

Would you do a live stream where you ate crab? I would want to see that live stream. Like maybe they pay for the crab and you eat it no matter what. That would be fun. They're going to buy an amount of crab for me that's uneatable though. And also like I would be embarrassed to do that in front of people. You put a bib on. My crab eating proficiency, I would love to show it off in front of you two. You guys are my friends.

If we went to a seafood restaurant, I would order five or six entrees and then just for the show, you guys could watch me eat it all. Online though, I would be so insecure about how much... Crab juice is a big thing people aren't considering. The amount of spray, the amount of...

It's not a single person sport. A lot happens in that arena. And so I would be worried about ruining my keyboard, ruining things like that, trying to eat. Because if I were to do it, I would not do half measures. I would do whole measures. I would eat like I'd probably buy like five or six pounds of crab and then I would just eat it. Like I would pick something that I'm very comfortable with. Like I know I can eat five, six pounds of crab.

We're topping out at six pounds of crab, no problem. We're topping out at ten pounds of crab. Okay, that's like an extended evening for me. Yeah, I mean, it'll be a long stream. I'm thinking three, four hours. Yeah. Oh, for me to eat all of it? No, that's a 90-minute stream, man. Well, we gotta wait for the donuts

to come in. We gotta wait for the donuts to come in. Yeah, I'll do that. I've wanted to do a crab pickin' for a while. Like a stream. Because it is like a four hour extravaganza. I'll fucking fly out to your house.

Yeah, fly out here and I'll pay you a chunky... It's not gonna be an eating contest. It's simply gonna be a you watch us eat until we both physically feel ill. It's just at our own rate. It's just Tucker being like, no, we're not paying for anything, but there's crab here, and I'm like,

I'm on the plane. I'm ready. I'm ready for the game. Sponsored by Old Bay. Yes. Well, you need Old Bay. Well, okay. Yeah, I have some Old Bay vodka because Old Bay's marketing team has been going pretty crazy.

Apparently, it is very good. No, it's not. Wait, you have some? On the way. Damn, I was hoping you could try a glass. No, I would have tried some. That sounds horrific. The way that they're marketing it is like... Bloody Mary? Yes.

Bloody Mary. So they have... I don't like those. Well, hold on. I got a gift. Yeah, so they did Old Bay Goldfish. They've done UTS chips for ages. They're really good.

Like, crab chips are incredible. But, like, Lay's. Lay's did a vodka, they sent me that, it was bad what flavor of Lay's? Lay's, like potato chip vodka, like Lay's vodka

original it tasted like sweat vodka, and then Arby's most recently, you guys probably remember seeing them put out their vodka. No, they had curly fry vodka and regular fry vodka. Arby's made of vodka? That's correct.

So they sent me a finely machined wood box, which I still have, with their curly fry vodka and like a bloody Mary mix. So all these companies are realizing like we can get a lot of promo

from just doing like a shitty secondary drop of vodka. So they use like these weird Minnesotan companies that have like potato vodka and they just like rebrand it. But apparently Old Bay is doing it with a good distillery in Maryland and it tastes like Old Bay like if you drank it alone

it tastes like spicy Old Bay vodka which I don't know if that's a good thing or not I love Old Bay it tastes I don't know if it has anything to do with vodka I don't know that seems bizarre but at least it's a little bit more

character than the uh lays vodka i mean i'm looking at this this arby's curly fry vodka right now i hear this looks this looks like like a like a challenge you'd have to do there's no way anyone is pouring it was so bad it was so bad um so i keep my weed in the box that they sent because it's a great nice wood mahogany box that says arby's vodka but the uh like it really was bad it was yeah let's see what it says he's gonna go grab it a nice curly fry vodka yep there you go that sounds awful i don't understand that's pretty sick it i guess it's just a gag gift really yeah of course it is it's a little joke i don't i don't know why anybody wants to drink when you can smoke anywhere uh what do you mean is i know they're very different i know

they're different but but but alcohol sucks no you wrong. Alcohol can be a bunch of fun. Alcohol is my favorite thing to do if I have to answer an email or something, and I want to spend 90 minutes doing it. I'll give you this. You get a beer, and you go sit somewhere, and you just exist doing whatever you need to do for 90 minutes, and then you come back. I disagree. But I'm not saying –

With what? that was my opinion yeah your opinion is wrong no no here's where i think alcohol thrives when there's a group of people getting together that might not otherwise really mesh easily right you're like all right here we're all getting together these are whatever your wife's friends yeah a little social lubricant a few from social a few social something else and then you put them all together you give them really just one or two drinks and suddenly people are making new friends they're laughing when third friend comes in they're like jennifer oh so glad you're here like alcohol does that what we do on the show every once in a blue moon uh we have like nine drinks or whatever three for

me and die like that sucks that's not that's not fun i actively i get that every month they're like when's the next drinking episode i'm like never i'm sorry guys like that's we did that twice that was good that last drinking episode was such a goddamn nightmare. I chipped my tooth. Because I ground my teeth so bad, I got so drunk that I ground my teeth and I chipped my fake tooth. Well, it wasn't a real tooth. It was one of my fake teeth. Yeah, that was no fun. I remember waking up every drinking episode.

Oh, that's like three ago. I don't know what that was a while ago but like the way we all have done drinking episodes is like me kyle and woody like in our chat beforehand it's like we're not going to drink for fun we're going to drink until we're very uncomfortable and we're going to be paying the piper for this and it's it's just not that fun like i totally understand what what what tucker is saying with alcohol like it's great getting people to get along having a fun social thing as far as like an individual thing like enjoyment goes i really prefer weed no it's no you what you're saying makes sense because no

you can't take my vodka waters from me nobody's gonna take them away we don't want them that's the point but you're But you're comparing your experience and more specifically our experience on this show with Kyle's 1,000 milligram brownie edible. Oh, no, no. I'm talking worse than that was the drinking episode we did

like a time or two back when I drank. Yeah, they had to edit that PKA. Like, that was a bad one. Did we have to edit it? I don't know. You never edited it. Maybe. It should have been edited.

It should have been edited. But it was not. I think the only time we ever bleeped something is, and he wouldn't care now, but like Hutch had a much younger audience at the time, and he mentioned smoking weed one time. He was like, ah. He owns, he's a co-owner of fucking.

Like 10 years ago. Pine Park? Yeah. No, yeah, but he's a co-owner of Pine Park now years ago yeah no yeah but he's a co-owner of pine park now so he so that's why it's so for him yeah so it's great to i was just talking with him with his podcast and stuff but yeah no i get it i if i had to choose between one and the other though it would be a tough choice over i think that i agree with woody. I am a very social person, but I understand that for what it does to me, I like having two drinks when I'm uncomfortable more than I like smoking weed when I'm comfortable. Does that make sense?

I value the comfort blanket that two drinks does before hosting an event. Like not even a secret. Like anytime I host something, even if it's at 11 a.m., I'm going to take one drink before there. Like I need something. Just mellow yourself out. Yeah. Like, I mean, there's a reason why it's like a performance enhancer for competitive shooters in like the triathlon. Like it just makes

everything a little bit like, okay, alright, cool. But weed is healthier and infinitely less damaging. I need to be doing something like, alright, let's say it's a rainy day. I'm going to go for a long drive. There's a 12-pack of beer in the car right next to me. What the fuck?

No problem. No problem. No! Yeah, of course. What? You don't like to drink and drive? No problem. No problem. No. Yeah, of course. What? You don't like to drink and drive? No. All right, fucking square. I'll tell you right now, it's the most fun you can have on four wheels. On private property in game, you know?

No, you want to hit the highway, all right? Speed in game. In game. game yeah need for speed in game i have drank and driven in forza a lot in game but yeah no i i think that like uh just as a social lubricant if i had to choose between one or the other. I do not smoke weed for the same reason that I drink and they're very different. I like to smoke weed to like wind down and be amongst a small group of people. I don't want to smoke weed and go to the music festival or the party. Like that's not where I want to go do that. Like when I go like do a thing, I went to the aquarium. I've been a couple times this year oh and the aquarium smoking weed sounds great right that's like you and five people and

you go look at fish i'm saying like i don't want to go to the nightclub ones in there yeah why is the nightclub bad on weed it sounds like it would be good i don't know i don't get it i mean it's i'm it's not there's not let me clarify there's not like a bad on weed thing right like i like i'm comfortable in all situations it's just if i had a preferred area i would rather be in a group of five people smoking at home doing or watching something as a collective than being in the nightclub it's not that i'm gonna hate it being high in the nightclub it's just like i'd rather be drinking in the nightclub. It's not that I'm going to hate it being high in the nightclub. It's just like I'd rather be drinking in the nightclub than just smoking. That's how I feel all the time. I would much

rather be with five people in an environment where I can hear their voices. That's where I belong. So you're more of a five person than a one person? No, one's good. So you can handle more than... I want to cap it at five-ish. And I want the environment three what you can take

at least three huh i could uh there's three else yeah no i get it i i uh i don't i don't think that yeah no you're not i i think that um okay. No, I agree with the social lubricant thing to some extent. I think I have bad experiences because I've always, or not always, but in the past, I have had moderation difficulties. Just really going head first. It's like, man, we really skipped that part right in the beginning when you're like two drinks in and things are just lovely the whole the whole you're chasing part of it yeah that's the part you're chasing all night after trying to get back to there and uh and i would just blow right through that go like six shots and immediately people would like buy me free fucking drinks and i'd drink them because i felt rude like what am i it seems so never take a drink like to pour alcohol out just seemed like so like sacrilegious

you just bought me this 13 like two ounce thing of like clear liquid i i remember in in chicago during that time at that uh tilted kilt or whatever we were at where that went down like i wasn't this was like 2010 or whatever it was and so so I knew Kyle in a friendly way, but we weren't friends yet. And I remember watching him do that and thinking in my head, like, damn, he must be able to handle his shit because of the amount you were drinking. And then later in the night, you came out looking ghost-eyed. And I was like, oh, he's actually had a horrible evening.

I've told that story so many times, but it was like, they were having FPS Russia night at the fucking bar, and I managed to drink myself unconscious. Well, because people were buying you shit the whole time. Yeah. They'd come over to our table and be like, shots for everyone. And I was like, damn, I'm a nobody. This is sick. And you're like, I don't want anything, please. No.

It was always like that. Because you spoke in a Russian accent, you'd want vodka. So many people wanted to buy me vodka. I got to the point where I liked vodka because I was just drinking so much of it. So good. If I could intercept them, if they're like, let me buy you a drink, that's perfect because now I can get my

top shelf tequila chilled with some lime. If they're just showing up with whatever fake Russian vodka the place has, it's just going to be a bad fucking night. That night in particular, it was like I remember there was a Jeger bomb and like a big ass dark beer and then like at least three shots of vodka like yeah it was uh it was white boy pushing you to finish that with him

well what is he up to white boy is another one i haven't even thought about that what is that man up can't get white boy not handle his liquor last time i drank with white boy was that infamous night with when we did the epic meal time thing at my house and me and um harley are inside filming and like you know he's got his whole crew and everything and we had finally gotten like the the girls to like go on the back porch to where white boy was and there's bottles of jack daniels as props everywhere and one of these dumb bitches is over there like bottle feeding him jack daniels like he's drank so and he's a little guy like he has had so much and he's he's chasing the jack daniels with reese's pieces and so and so the next thing i know it's kind of, he's like a family size bag of Reese's pieces.

He's had like half of it. So the next thing I know, I look and he is, I've got like a couch on my back porch. It's all screened in and everything. And it's, it's like a normal couch. He's on that thing,

like sort of like head on his own shoulder like this. And he's vomiting and he's just like, like this though. He's going, it's just chocolate vomit and this chunky peanut butter goo is like rolling out of him in a very uncomfortable way down his shoulder and onto my couch and kitty is kitty is like so allergic to peanuts that like that like peanut dust makes her like burn like like acid it's like literally acid and so now he so white boy has become this acid vomiting drunk who can't tell what to do

jesus christ he's radioactive so nobody can clean him up but me so i'm over there i'm cleaning him up i'm getting him i'm getting him good to go. I'm cleaning the couch up as best I can. Between fucking filming, I'm doing my job. I'm getting the shit off of him. And I'm like, all right, God damn it. Do not get him fucked up. What are you thinking?

He's little. He's smaller than you. I'm this dumb bitch. And I go back to working with Harley, and we're doing our thing again. And I look, and I can see out the doors were double doors, and they had glass in the center of them. And I could see she was feeding him Jack Daniels again. And I was like, motherfucker.

That bitch. She was the worst. Just feeding him destructive liquor as he's trying to get with it. Eating him destructive liquor as he's trying to get with it. I remember being in the main room near the concierge of that Marriott when we all went to Joliet. Yeah. And Kitty was the arbiter of gross videos. Yeah. And we all did that.

And if you cringed or had any sort of reaction to it, she would call you out and you'd have to drink. I remember white boy and Kelly being very bad at that game and terrible. And I also remember thinking like, damn, this Kyle guy is just, just can keep drinking until, until you couldn't. And then I was like, and then you were just like, I'm going to bed. Just out of nowhere.

I'm going. That part of my life, we were constantly traveling and I had the first leg on this trip that lasted for eight months or something like that, bouncing around cities cities was Chicago.

The first time I went to Joliet and I hung out with Paul, Paul's a functional alcoholic. And, and so like, I'm hanging out with Paul all week, me and him. There's no like other YouTubers. It's just so,

so, so like, because there isn't a whole gang of us, he's more comfortable, I guess, like giving me a more like personalized, it's easier for him to take one person somewhere. So he's taken to me at all of his favorite bars in chicago and we're getting shit housed all night long for a week solid those manhattan um those uh makers mark manhattans

like the manliest drink i could imagine at the time i'm fucking drinking those bitches down and that you know the next trip was like la or something and it was tequila the whole time i had a pretty serious tolerance i could get 10 shots in and still be okay but like 12 was like all right now we're done like there was just this fine line between all right i'm drunk but i'm not sick to like 12 is a lot of night ruined yeah i was yeah i was drinking a dozen shots almost every single night like at least how long do you think that lasted where you were drinking a couple years a couple years a couple years where you had a dozen shots a night not every night but like

three four nights a week i don't know something like that okay like a lot of drinking, a lot. How much is it? How many shots are in a bottle of vodka? Oh, I have no idea. Vodka, like liquor. I was never like pouring drinks and drinking. I was just buying them. I was at a bar or a restaurant drinking. I feel like Tucker knows. I don't know.

Because you like vodka waters. I do. 750 milliliters is a fifth, right? I do. 750 milliliters is a fifth, right? And 1.5 ounces, I don't know how many milliliters. You know what? Hey, there's somebody here with a calculator. Isn't it 90? I think it's 90. No, no, no. 1.5 ounces is a shot, right?

Right. I think that's 90. I don't know how many milliliters that is. I think it's 90 or 100. 90 or 100 milliliters it's like 100 calories worth of vodka right per shot kind of dumb math i'm just gonna google it i only look at calories yeah uh 16 shots yeah a standard a fifth has 16 so that means a handle has 32 okay so i've drank a fifth on the show before wait a fifth is one half of a handle right yeah yeah no no 750 verse one not if not if a no wait yeah it is okay i can grab a fifth of vodka it is um but but how much how many milliliters is a handle i thought a handle was

1500 no you're you're right it's 1500 100 it's 1.5 yeah yeah um yeah yeah 1.75 oh you're right one point all right 1.7 okay so you get a little bonus of 10 shots it's like two fifths plus a third of a fifth right yeah yeah point is it's a lot of alcohol what is the way to measure this a third of a fifth yeah no so kyle was drinking per his claimant uh he said 12 shots a night 12 shots so that's so that's uh that's a fifth that's a fifth every day-ish. Day and a third. That's a lot. Yeah.

That's a lot of... That does seem like a huge amount. Who was the guy named, was it Larry? Who was the guy, Woody, do you remember? Well, actually, both of you. You remember Pax East, the hotel room, TryHards, right? Who was the dude that literally had a fifth in the bedroom on that en suite attached to it?

Do you remember? Woody, you weren't staying in there, but Mirka, you were, Taylor, you were in that room. It was some Irish dude or something, and he didn't even go to the convention. His name was Larry. Tucker, do you remember that i tried this do you remember me trying to slip you the bottle of stoli in the lobby and kitty taking it away i

do i remember too because also that was like they had that was like that whole trip was like a degenerate there's a video of me throwing starbursts and like john cena slamming you in the bedroom where we're like i I'm like 17 years old. It's just, oh, man. Someday we're going to go through it all. There are pics of that. There are videos of I fell asleep early and everybody's playing with my chest hair.

Do you remember we were walking through, it was actually this group plus Blade walking through, there was an ice rink and this like lady with a stroller came up and was like trying to petition to come back to the hotel room that has to have been like that was the first time that we all met each other and that everybody kind of like met the other personalities and stuff but i think back on that and i'm like wow if i had explained verbally what was going to happen on that trip to me to my mom,

she would have been like, you're fucking nuts. There's no way you're going home. I remember it was like 19. Yeah, I know. I was 18. And I'm like, I'm a solid 25 or 26.

And Woody is a young man of 34 or so. Something like that. And so he and I are like, we're two of the few there who can actually buy legal alcohol. Like, so when this group walks by the Cheers bar, you know, the one from the sitcom. Oh, we went in there for one.

I didn't even get to go in. No, Tucker didn't make it. My fake ID made it in. I remember making it in with my fake ID to the Cheers bar and sitting there. It looked nothing like Cheers. Norm wasn't there. On the inside. Yeah, on the inside. Nowhere to be seen.

Because it had that sign up there. We took a shot and I remember like being kind of helpless to the fact that we were there with these children and like not knowing what the chill thing to do was being like god damn it i've never been to boston never been to this bar i used to watch the show i'd like to sit here and like get some pretzels or something yeah but are we supposed to ditch these youngins but you did i remember you uh i remember i remember you guys saying like all right well we're gonna go to a more quiet thing or something like that because the group was you went to the joe lozon thing and nobody wanted to go me and woodman and i was like y'all don't want to go like fuck with a

professional fighter tonight like i didn't even know who he was but it was like it seemed like a cool fucking trip i had this thing set up like joe was gonna like give everyone sort of mma lessons i was hoping you wouldn't tell the whole sad story yeah and uh although the way the story ends in my mind is in the end there was like one guy who's like was like fuck it woody i'll stand next to you we'll go because most people were like ah the train ride is too long the taxi like this it's not worth the hour and a half travel and kyle was like this is what it would be like in a real fight everyone would leave except me right here next to you i was like yeah all right and kitty yeah yeah i i literally remember ditching out that night because i was like that i would never do that i went i i took a 45 minute cab ride to uh like a house party in the middle of like nowhere for uh like a minecraft kids party one time i think i the way i remember going down dylan the way i remember going down there was like

maybe there's like maybe 10 or 12 of us and it was like hey who would like to go do this thing and then maybe like four to six were like maybe like on the first subway and then by the time we were going to the next one. To be fair, you know, now that we think back, the way it did end up, I think they quit before they realized that a cab was involved. I think that's why we were still sold. It was like, they didn't know that we were going to have to

take this two-hour cab. They said no at train. The fact that there ended up being a taxi was irrelevant. Jesus Christ. Joe was that far out. Because I remember Kyle asking me to go, and I said no. We get there, and Joe's got all these people there.

They're like, oh, Woody's bringing the whole crew. It's just like me and Woody. And I'm like, I don't want to do anything i'll just crack jokes when i hold the camera he did great yeah i definitely did it way better than it would have otherwise so thanks and uh yeah and while i wanted it wasn't the night i envisioned where like everyone was going to come and try this thing that was like neat to me uh it was still a really neat night i had more one-on-one time with joe yeah yes and joe drove us back so we'd have to yeah he did yeah joe drove us back and this is

i think he had a relatively new car i remember the one time that i that i had dinner with joe all of you guys were there other than tucker but like joe was there and the way he ordered was so funny to me because he was like, I'll have the chicken breast blackened and I will also have the full rack of ribs. And it was like, like you just, and he was in like, I remember him behaving in a way that was like, no,

this is just the way I order. Like you get two entrees because I need energy. And I was like, Oh, Ohes because I need energy and I was like oh oh okay yeah he needs energy and me like the other ways we ordered was like me and Kyle walking into that place high out of our mind I remember walking into that Applebee's and thinking I'm so high I can barely function and then walking next to my buddy Kyle and him being even higher than me and being like okay I'm so high I can barely function and then walking next to my buddy Kyle and him being even higher than me and being like

okay I'm gonna be okay and then we got in there and Kitty like I've said this before about her Kitty is a god Kitty is a guardian that's a great way to put it she got in there and she immediately went we will have two of every appetizer

perfect that's what everyone needed got in there and she immediately went we will have two of every appetizer perfect that's what everyone needed there was no way one order of skins was going to get around that table we needed two orders of skins for everyone to get one and it was tremendous that was the night that we were sitting down and me and

T-Mart were sitting next to each other we were very young at the time I was 19 he was 18 or whatever it was. And we were like, hey, let's give each other our phones and we'll tweet from each other's phone. And like, I was baked out of my mind. I thought it was like really funny. And so I just tweeted from his account.

I was like, I'm high out of my mind at the Logan Steakhouse, wherever the fuck we were, Applebee's. I'm high out of my mind at the logan steakhouse wherever the fuck we were applebee's and i and i tweeted that on twitter and like on t martin's twitter and he had my twitter which was like way more accustomed to nonsense and he had he said something like super friendly like we're here having fun with friends lol like we handed it back to each other family friends and god forever family friends and god forever and then like we handed it back to each other mom follows him on yeah i remember that i remember handing it back to him and him right there so that's happening at their end of the table all right on my end of the table. On my end of the table,

this is dawning on us a little slow. News travels very slowly across the stone table. Me, Kelly, and Whiteboy are down here in our little group, and we look up, and I think Alex, Whiteboy, is the one who was like,

is T-Martin crying? And I went, shit, man. the one who was like is is uh is t martin crying and i went shit man what the fuck happened down there t martin's fucking crying dog i was like kelly t martin's crying i was like maybe there's a joke no those are real tears he's crying huh but and then like i'm like hey why is t martin i don't know who was next to me i wish i could remember because they were both to my left but like word got down to us that taylor had gotten a hold of t-martin's twitter i he said it would be a funny idea and i went funny with it and then he didn't go funny with it and then i handed him his phone back and he saw what I tweeted from his account.

And he was like, Oh my God, my mom follows this. He was like, chill out, man. And like, he was like 15 or something.

No, it was 17. All right. We're the same age, but it doesn't matter. He was like the most business centric of all of us. So he was like, I'm never going to be able to lease a home.

Like you would just ruin his like homeland ownership vibe yeah it was so good that was funny as fuck I'd like to get him back on the show yeah I think he uh I think he doesn't want to I think he would I don't know it can't hurt to ask you know

T-Mart shout out to T-Mart I'm sorry about doing that with your phone I thought it would. I don't know. It can't hurt to ask. Shout out to T-Mart. I'm sorry about doing that with your phone. I thought it would be funny at the time. Should have gave me your phone. And in retrospect, it was funny both at the time and now. I bet right now I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry too much. I'm going to go ahead and not throw anybody under the bus or anything. People react the way they react. Taylor fucked up in that moment. It was super shitty what Taylor did. I thought it was funny and a silly little thing. But it's funny that it all played out that way. In my head, I was like, if I were to tweet this from my account,

I wouldn't care. It wouldn't bother me. I thought I was being silly. But what was great is Woody let Taylor know that it was a real shitty thing that he had done. Woody did. He did let me know. And I remember being like, I just thought I was memeing, man. I thought I was being a silly jokester.

That's kind of my MO. A real rapscallion. A real no good Nick. Somehow Taylor ended up down there with Woody and Kitty. Not that they're not fun, but they're not stoned. I was probably more judgmental at the time

than I am today. Ah, fuck it. Look, guys, everybody's water under the bridge, you know? We're all doing great. You guys got podcasts. T-Martin's got you know we're all we're all doing great you guys got podcasts t martin's got lawsuits we're all here no no i was making a lot of jokes uh yeah yeah i don't know i don't think what i did was nearly as bad as baiting minors in the beginning

now he's definitely not coming back now i bet he would come on and talk about it. I know he would come on and talk. After the show. You want to bet? Yes. Yeah, because I'm right. I don't know how he would fall on this one, you know? T. Martin and I are friends. We don't talk all the time or anything, but I still consider him my friend.

Yeah, we're still buds. You can't friendship bait him into the podcast. Let me finish my thought here. So after the podcast, he texted me, and he was like, hey, man, that was fun. I enjoyed this or that. And I think he wished that I brought up the CSGO stuff. And I was like, oh, yeah.

I was thinking of it, too. I wasn't sure how it would go. This is how I would have done it. And he's like, that would be perfect. So that's why I come from it from this like oh so you just pander to him not exactly no no the opposite of that no i would too i like martin's my friend i would support him but i'm in his camp you know like i'm just i'm trying to i'm still in the flames i lost eight thousand dollars gambling on those csgo skins i'll you know. And I haven't gotten over it yet. Never taking a dime from gamblers.

Hell no. No, I don't give a shit either way. I hope he made a lot of money. And I hope he did. Who knows? I hope that dog is still healthy. He's going to need that dog for the next one from what i can tell from what i know from his his social media when i i look at it is t-mart was very intelligent

and skipped the phase where streamers moved to california and then realized it's way too expensive and he's already he's he went straight to Florida. He didn't skip it. What do you mean? He lived with me for nine months, and then he was like, I'm driving back to Illinois. I fucking ain't in here. Yeah, he moved to the Gamer Shore. Yeah, me, Goldie lived with us, and then he was like, I want to hear about that.

So you guys moved there, and I thought there was going to be a lot of collaboration and stuff happening yeah we all had very different schedules uh t martin would wake up at 7 a.m and record nine different intros for his call of duty video i'd wake up at like 11 and record like a video brendan would live stream goldie would live stream for 12 hours a day and that was kind of like how it worked like we all did content creation but differently and then muzzafaza moved in and didn't do anything and then syndicate moved in and did his you know so like yeah great idea and concept sorry but like we didn't execute it well at all it didn't turn out to be as collaborative as i thought it would nah we were the first gamer house though.

Didn't Muzzafuzza he didn't stick with you guys? I didn't even know he was making this. I thought he made it like 10 years ago. He did. We're talking about 2012. We're talking about literally a decade ago. This isn't that long after the Twitter incident.

Yeah. I don't know what the Twitter incident is. That's what broke him. He's talking about this restaurant story where they traded. I don't know what the fuck happened to Muzza. No, Muzza Fuzza stopped doing stuff and then went back to live in Montana. And the only way that I knew he was alive was his ex, who used to live with us, hit me up like five years later, read five years ago, and was like, hey, he still thinks about you guys. And I'm like, I don't know how to respond to this.

I don't know. We're still making dumbass content. I'm like, I still make YouTube. Yeah, but like every, you know, people move on. But regardless, yeah, that was. Brandon as a kid, is he still with the mom? Yeah. Well, that's a weird way to say it. I didn's kind of judgy they could have a great they're not married

yet they're not married he had he has a bastard child living in sin do it i swear to god i was going right there oh i let him know religious household i know about yeah myself as well you know i make sure he knows that he's never go to heaven oh i can't wash that stain off muzzle no no it's goldie not not muzzle goldie has the kid sorry then they're both going to hell sorry yeah you know what adam all in i bet muzzle's that guy's going to hell for sure not i i the the only thing i remember like i never watched uh gold gloves content he's like my age either do i a little younger but like i remember him losing his channel and then everyone in like 2000 that's how he got his shit yes he got so because

everyone at the time was like he deleted it everybody throw Throw your support behind. He deleted it himself. No, I don't think he did. No, no, no, no. But no, but like this was the first communal upload. So much. Everybody uploaded this fucker's. Yeah, this fucker's communal montage. And it was like, please help my friend who had 30,000 subs regain his channel.

He had like 70K by the end of it. I mentioned him in my bullshit channel where i was like hey help out he was late on rent i remember having like 40 000 subs at the time and seeing his channel go from zero to like 80 or whatever and being like this is some fucking bullshit man like i'm gonna delete my channel although i don't have a deep bench like he does who do i have that really likes me well i've got woody he likes me i've got kyle he likes me wings he hates me uh who else do i have hutch he doesn't know who i am yeah it was a tough one yeah i remember that very well it's a long time ago it was it was it's a fun time to remember

though because the best of times the worst the best of times the worst of times that chicago trip was when it was a really fun fucking trip though i uh i had a great time on that trip that weed like the whole thing like were you in the white rhino we got the white rhino yeah do you remember were you in the van with me and white boy yes i was and i pissed that you guys were taking so long to roll the blunts and pass them forward. We were doing the best we could. We were moving. He was doing it on fucking Modern Warfare 2 or some shit. When we pulled into that house, like that residence, did you know what was happening in that moment?

Yeah, I knew that we were lost and that we had to turn around. I've told it before, but I literally came out of a stupor of of marijuana smoke and and i looked up and this van that i'm in is pulling into a fucking residence at like night and there's no lights on and i'm thinking i in that moment my thought was i have been kidnapped they are taking me to this house they are taking me to this house i have been kidnapped. They are taking me to this house. They are taking me to this house. I have been kidnapped. And I'm getting scared and ready to fight.

And I don't remember who explained it to me. But they were like, no, Kyle, no. We made a wrong turn going to Applebee's. We're just turning around. See, we're leaving. We're leaving. And I'm like, good, good, Good. Let's get out of here. Yeah.

You don't want that happening. That's a good one. I like it. By the way, that's Jeremy on the right. And that's Aiden on the left. Aiden was our... The attorney guy, right? Attorney slash model slash race car driver. Yeah. Good.

When you got enough money i guess you do whatever you want no that's a good one that's fucking jeremy uh knocked the shit out of me with that baton dude jeremy's got some some girthy forearms yeah right he's uh carried dead chickens in five gallon buckets right that's how he built those muscles yeah no he's got he's got he's one of those guys girthier forearms than biceps look at that guy yeah it's a strong fella yeah strong fella and look at you there ready for rape ready ready supple they put the chicken on me absolutely tantalizing we filmed a waterboarding scene and then like after they saw it they were like, we can't upload this.

I'm like, so I got waterboarded for nothing? Yeah. Hey, you're a method actor. We love that. I don't know how you fake getting waterboarded. They just did it. Didn't Hannity fake that? Hannity said he was going to do it

and never did because he's a bitch. Oh, he didn't even fake it he was one of those people on Fox News they were like first of all waterboarding is torture and those people needed to be tortured so we could get their fucking secrets we needed to know what they knew

that colleague Sheikh Mohammed guy they waterboarded him like 183 times over the course of 6 months he talked so I'm all for that they needed a good a bath anyway by the looks of them so fair enough i totally agree i can't argue really everyone needs to take that you co-signing to jericho i love i you know i think it's a great question. A lot of people ask me that question. What do you use it for? It's a great question.

It's a very Jordan Peterson answer. A lot of people are asking this question and people, they know about it and they want to... My advice is to get addicted to benzodiazepines. Oh. Have you watched his content lately?

It's pretty conspiratorial. That was good. I saw him hating on fatties. I saw him hang out back on the street. None of us like fat people, you know? If you listen to his voice,

he sounds a little like Kermit, and so that's the easiest way to make fun of him. As soon as Skrillex went with Jordan Peterson on his podcast, I knew EDM was doomed. Skrillex went on his podcast? Yeah, he literally broke a four-month... I was like, what the... I remember going to a Skrillex show when I was a junior at Mizzou,

and back in the day, all we did was do like three or four tenths of Molly. Oh. I was about to ask. Three or four tenths? Yeah, get absolutely blasted. Literally jaw moving a mile a minute. I remember my sophomore year of college, Skrillex came, and I took like three tenths of Molly or something.

And I was that guy near the front of the stage who was to the side dancing like it didn't matter. I was having so much fun. I remember finishing that concert and being like, can't even chew your food in the next morning. If someone were to give me a sandwich, I'd be like, I need a glass of water to replenish my moisture so I can actually chew this. Is ecstasy legal anywhere? No, but it's fun. I remember getting blasted on ecstasy and having so much fun. It was great.

You're just smiling the whole time. I know it's different. You're just smiling the whole time. I know it's different. It seems like it's more euphoric and more intense feelings of togetherness and maybe even being a little bit too huggy. But acid is the only thing that I've taken that's even in that realm. I've never done that. You got to do acid.

I would love to try acid. And you know what? If I'm going to do acid, I want to do it with my friend Kyle. i want to do it with you if i'm gonna do it because i need someone i wouldn't do such a thing i've seen before i wouldn't want to take any illegal drugs but hypothetically in minecraft you take like four or five hits of acid you see shit my friend stuff moves okay in game acid's incredible you know in game In-game acid. In-game. When you're in VR on four hits of acid, the moon pulsates. Like, it's breathing up there. You ever stare at the cracks on your floor tile on acid in-game?

Let me tell you. And you feel giddy, but not overly so, in complete control of your wits. Is that how you felt you felt 100 completely in control because that is the thing that like kind of turns me off to the hallucination thing is i'm afraid of losing my wits no not knowing what's happening that's not it at all i was afraid i was afraid of being like like i don't know going on some rant and like like embarrassing myself by getting all emotional or something like that those were my fears i didn't want to be like a party pooper i didn't want to do what dirty did and like lay on the floor and like swim in place and act like a big baby

like after two hits you little bitch i know you're 90 fucking pounds but man up um no i had a good time i sat there in my chair and uh and like there was one moment where i had like this sort of like i don't know like like inner thought moment that was a little panicky but i was like ah get that shit out of here we're having fun let's watch let's watch youtube videos some more and i was completely able to do that it wasn't that thing where i like fell down this hole of like depressive thoughts or like or like what are we even doing here like moments it was like what can i look at that looks cool and i'm on you i was on youtube like searching like psychedelic uh music videos and so they've got like they have stuff on youtube that's seemingly made for a room full of jackass

watch like watch like a fish hunting like a school of other fish no no no there's an adult swim adult swim literally has this thing called uh something water or uh after it's like a programming that they made specifically for it's like all right man you know it's 2 30 in the morning and you're riding your high out but it's like a bit crushed like interesting artistic stuff also samsara if you've never watched it before incredible shot silent documentary samsara never heard of it i'll have to check it out hey it is a cinematic uh there's one called baraka that was shot in 1998 and samsara came in 2012 it's 10 years of no dialogue, the most beautiful cinematography you're ever going to see about planet Earth,

cultures, everything. I've totally talked about it. That's cool. We could probably do, like next year sometime, or we could probably do a PKA on acid. We could probably make that happen. We could probably make that happen.

I don't know if I'm going to have good bits on acid. That's a good point. Never mind. Scratch that. I don't know if anybody'm going to have good bits on acid. That's a good point. Never mind. Scratch that. I don't know if anybody wants to watch people on acid. Being on acid seems like... Maybe we'll hang out sometime, just do some acid. You know what?

What I'd actually like to do, Kyle, is just hang out with my friend and do a bunch of acid. It's the best. Do acid for other people's... Do acid for your own enjoyment.'s do a pka trip but we don't film anything we just do a bunch of acid together we realized while we were doing it that we just kind of want to do a bunch of acid what do you mean we paid for them to go get high in the woods it's like you did do that

i there's literally no so i experienced like zero downsides and every upside imaginable right because it's first of all it's cheap as fuck i want to say god it's like two or three dollars a hit like it's so cheap i think it's two or three dollars a hit so like really i took a ton and that was like ten dollars worth everybody was like you took five it was like yeah oh my you blew ten dollars whereas like any other drug like if you really went to town like you just blew hundreds or maybe a thousand i mean even fucking weed i'm sure for impact on on like how fucked up you're gonna get yeah i'm sure acid is the most bang for your buck because like a gatorade bottle of

acid could get the world high five times over right so like that's the other thing like like taking it like a lot of people don't like smoking weed i know what he doesn't like like the process of like getting weed into him it's not fun it's like smoking yeah which make with acid you i mean you could use a dropper i know. I've heard of people doing that and just put a droplet in your mouth or even in your eye. We had the little tabs. It's just this little square of paper that's so fucking small. It's smaller than what you're imagining.

Throw those things on your tongue. They don't taste like anything. How many did you have to take before you were like, all right, I'm feeling fucky? We all took one and then we waited an hour. How many did you have to take before you were like, all right, I'm feeling fucky? Like two? We all took one, and then we waited an hour. And about an hour in, it was like, oh, okay. And I think I asked someone, I was like, is it a high that you ride up? Or is it a high that's like, oh, we're here and we're on a plateau?

Because with marijuana edibles, it can often be this plateau where it's like, okay, we just noticed that we're getting high and there's more to come. And they were like, no, you're, you're pretty much there. It's been an hour. This isn't, this is one tab.

And I was like, I am. Then I definitely want a second tab right now before this can diminish anymore. What, what did the one tab get you to like, where you weren't seeing anything, you weren't seeing anything,

uh, giggly, giggly. And my eyes felt a little funny. Like, I don't know if that,iggly giggly and my eyes felt a little funny like i don't know if that i don't know they felt a little bigger than than they are i don't know like a little feeling like that like maybe like not as coordinated as normal like one drunk one drink tipsy like like like kind of like brushing against a wall maybe a little bit um but like two tabs two tabs in it was like okay we're seeing some like little wiggles and stuff on

the perimeters of like where colors contrast like your saint louis shit there like the blue and the red would be pulsating where they conjoin and breathing and shit and i was like all right i want i was like let's count and see how much we have because i want a lot now now that i've been to two and like nothing bad is happening so i want a lot now now that i've been to two and like nothing bad is happening so i immediately took like as much as there was left i think and and then like an hour into that when i was like four or five tabs deep wherever it was everything was wonderful now five tabs deep i was very i would not this is the same guy that ate a thousand milligrams of weed so just like take everything with a grain

of salt you know i i am i i will i am proud of kyle for eating i am proud that you are alive for both proud of him my that's my friend kyle don't you talk once you talk shit on my friend kyle i'm not talking i'm just trying to ratchet there's some there's some kid who's like whoa i'm gonna have five tabs in my first experience and then he's gonna be like though right like that like what i said was like i took one waited an hour took two waited another hour then i was like okay this is a drug that i like and that i can control um i want a bunch how much we have left and i fucking took it all because i didn't want to share anymore i wanted all the fucking taps of course i think i took i think some other people took three or four and i

took one more than anybody else did and i saw cool shit all night long i saw cool shit and the tv looked amazing and uh the only downside was i was uncoordinated especially walking downstairs my knees coordinated my knees like trembled with every step um like like you know when you're walking downstairs it's a very particular way of like putting your putting your like weight and that tension on your body like whatever it was about that every step my knees were trembling so i had to use the railing to like get down um other than that i was fine wouldn't want to go for a drive obviously I'm fucking hallucinating and uncoordinated. But if you're chilling all night, no stressors, it's wonderful.

So fun. So PKA, episode 599. Everybody ready to rap? Everybody good? I'm excited for episode 600. All right? Cool guessing. We got a nice little surprise. We got a cool guest and we have a cool sponsor.

Yep. PKA 599.