Painkiller Already - PKA 600 W/ Sam Hyde - Punking iDubbbz, Tinder Advice, The Joker Musical

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

pka 600 with our guest sam hyde aka janice taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lucy what this is our big episode 600 taylor are you back? Oh, great. What the fuck happened? You froze. You ruined it. You ruined it, Taylor. You ruined it. Did you not hear anything? With your faulty air conditioner and your cheap air conditioning and your bad internet.

Well, did you hear the sponsors? No. No. Okay, this episode is brought to you by fucking Lucy. Death by Gummy Bears, a new sponsor of THC products. And Lock and Load Cump Pills, the finest Cump Pills ever. Janet Reno, Sam Hyde, thank you so much for joining us.

Did you say Cump Pills? Yeah. Yes. So we developed a proprietary blend of Cump Pills, Kyle and I, as a joke initially, and over time... It was never funny to me. Does it make you have more cum?

It makes you cum. All right, pause the show. makes you I gotta buy these real quick It also helps with the propulsion Production is gonna be Joke the pre-cum becomes almost real cum. No more lube for you! Yeah, you're like, when you're getting the beginning of a handy, you've been on this for a couple

weeks, the PyGM in here, you're gonna be leaking like a faulty faucet. Little bits of cum are gonna be coming out. I mean, tumescence in your penis, and then pearlescence, volume, and range. Did you get luminescence also? We're working on that.

Yeah, we had a lot of cancer in the rats. We tested that on a tremendous amount, but it might be worth it. I've been a fan of yours for many years. Watched all your shit. I find it very very funny. I was excited when the Sam Hyde

universe and the Pka universe through harley kind of connected a bit so we got the harley fight take from his point of view where he was telling us like i was worried about getting punked but sam's being sincere he's being genuine from your perspective were you really high on harley the whole time or were you thinking like this motherfucker might get beat up by a game grump no he's uh he uh was dedicated he was definitely serious about um he was very serious about like he would he would do little jokes and everything because he was making a video at the time but as far as the actual like um fun activities that we planned out he was uh he was deadly serious about that he did a really good job as evidenced by the fact that he mauled that

little fucker no offense how serious i have in my head tell me if this is at all on top on target did you maybe think you were gonna fuck with harley before you met him and then he won you over and you decided he was he was sincere from the the jump He was very sincere, and he sent me his sparring footage, which is, you know, you wouldn't really – that's kind of an extension of trust right there, sending somebody footage of you in a vulnerable position. So right off the bat, I knew he was going to be a serious play there. I knew he was.

I was asking if you were maybe contemplating pranking him a little bit. No, no, no. I just definitely I've always kind of had a pretty serious not loyalty code, but just sort of

internal calculation about who's fucked with me and who's done me a solid and um i i try my very hardest not to like violate that for uh for any old any old reason you know what i mean there's a code yeah of course there's a code it's the entertainer's code it's the youtuber's code okay the youtuber's code i thought you were i get i'm sorry sorry Taylor wants to talk to you from the outside you looked more like

is it called ironic comedy I saw it online today I was looking at you I don't want to say bully but like you know if you're not prepared to like mess with the you know to stand I don't know if you're not prepared to like mess with the... I don't know, if you're not prepared for what's coming at you, you're gonna get steamrolled.

That's kind of what I thought might happen. Yeah, you're a provocateur. You're like pushing people's buttons. So the idea of luring Harley down from fucking Canada and then getting him down there and messing with him would be pretty funny. No, I mean... Right? A little? be pretty funny you know i mean right a little no man all the all the people who've hit me up in the past that i've fucked with have been like reuters journalists and like people that write for the new yorker like it's just immediately apparent from the first line of the first email that it's some faggot that's trying to make me look and i do that was the guy who like got the show taken

down he he came at yard hard. I remember that. But I could tell, you could tell right away when somebody comes at you, the first line of what they say is some sort of simpering, cautious, circular, well, what if it was... You can tell when someone's coming to try to make you look bad. I knew with iDubbbz, the whole time I wanted to keep an open mind and help him make something cool because he did make me extra famous now But I knew that he was gonna try to he was gonna try to punk me there, too Yeah

But I could tell I could tell as soon as I talked to Harley that he just was you know Being straight up and that's what I try to do. Harley's a good dude. Yeah, yeah Yeah, all that iDubbbz footage and as I watch it. I feel like I'm in the shoes of Idubz and I Would have fallen for every one of those pranks. I would have been your suckers your bitch I would have I would have not fared well and Idubz situation that the reveal that that wasn't your real girlfriend girlfriend oh no what that was the best part that was the funniest thing something about i think there were like a handful of wasps dead on the table like something about that like like even though i don't even think i think i saw them just the idea that they were dead wasps about was was

was really good was really good to me i liked how like reported so much of the ideas were where it's like how about this jack ball bearings everywhere that's perfect stupid but like yeah i think you're right like do you think that idubbbz had to like change the direction of his documentary as it was going because he realized the kind of sandbag attempt wasn't going to work it wasn't going to show right i think in for him he was um look this is not a nice thing to say about somebody, but I know what he's... I know what wheels were turning in his little mind the first second that he contacted me

because he was getting a lot of shit from 4chan people, poll people, because his girlfriend is a whore. I, look, whatever, okay? Sometimes you just have to get pussy. I don't know. Whatever. All right?

But he was getting a lot of shit. And in his mind, what he was thinking was, I can't punk the entirety of 4chan. I can't go punk the entirety of Pole. So what I'll do is I'll take the guy that's posted there, that's often posted there, I'll punk him, and by proxy I'll show all these little nerds that I'm not a cuck, I'm the guy with the hot girlfriend,

and I always get one over on people. The smartest guy in the hot girlfriend and I always get one over on people like I know I know in the room yeah and he even said to one of my crew members overheard him saying during the shoot he said um I'm usually the puppet master in these types of situations which is just like it's just like a mentally sick thing to say are you serious yeah he, I'm usually the puppet man. That's like a sociopathic way to see the world. All the interactions you have are puppeteering. It's mental sickness. And it's something, it's like a, he's got the, I want to cure him.

I want to make him better. He's got this weird little weasely thing where he's like, in his mind, he's always running the calculation of like who looks better or some shit like that. Like who's on top right now in this situation? It's like a very, I mean, it's a very content creator mindset to have, but it's something you don't want to be thinking shit like that. Well, you really put him out of his comfort zone, which is like the perfect way to throw water on something like that. Because like everything that you did with him was like, he was just like, wait, what am I doing? Like the guns and stuff. Like that wasn't shit that was that was fun to see yeah i enjoyed it i watched both videos um taylor turned me on to you maybe three four years ago with um

i the first thing i saw moms yeah moms is always how i introduce people to sam i've shown moms to my mom i've shown moms to everybody I fucking know. And Officer Maggot. I have a soft spot for Officer Maggot. Especially in these times. There's an Officer Maggot on every corner, I'm sure. I like to know that he's out there in spirit

looking over us. Watching. Spitting on people. Mostly just watching. Some of my favorite ones you do are when I can't tell if it's an actor that is being put up to it like the Nazi in Occupied Paris the black and white one

makes me laugh so hard if that is an actress she needs to be in more shit because she's killing it because she really played it like a journalist who is actually very upset she did a good job because she wasn't ready she wasn't prepared like we didn't set her up beforehand like let her know but she did a really good job rolling with the punches that's my favorite kind of uh my favorite kind of actor is one where they when the trap is sprung and they know that it's like good i'm gonna look bad like this

is gonna look bad for me but they keep rolling they keep rolling with it i think that takes a lot of fortitude to uh continue to to play it that way and that's what i like too yeah yeah makes sense i uh it's just so fucking funny i i was uh i think world peace your show that got canceled back in 2016 17 whatever it was that was i didn't know much about you at the time i just saw that on adult swim and i remember in my head thinking like oh this is like tim and eric if they went like 10x like next level like this is going to be the new thing like tim and eric kind of passing the torch and then because i've always thought tim and eric was funny and then i i saw that video of tim heideck i think it was tim who really worked hard to get your show fucked and i've i've never been able to look at their show the same way i'm sure eric's fine i don't know anything about him but

that really was upsetting where it's like goddamn like they clearly see a guy who's like funny in the same way they are, but pushing the envelope. And I don't think they want to lose their limelight. I think I think that's what it was, was just jealousy and a sort of a fear of getting old, which nobody's nobody's immune to that. You know, if I saw somebody doing like something that was like MDE, but better, I'd be like, oh, oh. But, you know, I wouldn't I wouldn't go out of my way to, to squelch their career, but that's what, that's what Mike Lazo, the guy that created Adult Swim, he said, you know, he said, we're the next Tim and Eric, we're going to shoot a hundred episodes

of this show. He loved it. He was, he was so pissed off when they canceled it that he took a two month sabbatical. He stopped working for two months after damn our shit got taken down yeah but um yeah tim just weird very strangely went extra out of his way to make sure that a a comedian was not making making money uh which is which is kind of crazy because comedy like you kind of you kind of rely on freedom of speech and just like a licentious, is that the right word, attitude of the public towards content. Like even if someone's making something that you don't like, it doesn't really serve your interests to be like, oh, this shouldn't exist. And that's why Dave Chappelle, Joe Rogan, these guys are all pro free speech is because they know that their bread is buttered with the ability to go up in front of a crowd and say anything. So for Tim to be like a fucking Karen and talk to the manager about the show that he didn't like, it's just crazy.

It's really crazy. And I imagine he was like, who's bigger in the past 20 years at adult swim than tim and eric like they have to be the main like their word is law right like they can you know king makers i would imagine well ultimately the uh the decision so um adult swims owned by turner and the two guys that are at the top of Adult Swim, Keith Crawford and Mike Lazo, they both loved our show. But above them is Jeff Zucker. Jeff Zucker is the guy who runs Turner.

And ultimately what happened to get our show taken down was Bernstein directly emailing Jeff Zucker with the article. The article had no engagement. It had fucking like 60 fire icons or whatever BuzzFeed does for a like. Nobody was reading this thing. Yeah, it was nothing. Nobody's paying attention to this.

The tweet that he put out had like 12 retweets. He emails Jeff Zucker with this thing and it gets pulled like that. That's actually no bullshit. Swear on my life, that's what happened to get the show taken down. Do you think that like Jeff Zucker just didn't want to deal with it?

Or I imagine he's like a boomer and so he probably didn't notice the complete lack of engagement and tread that it had. He was just like, oh, an article. I think he saw the words jews rock and went nope well that was a funny bit it was a funny bit that sucks that was that was one of the few shows that i've seen get canceled but i was actually bummed out like well fuck that was i can't go back to Tim and Eric now. It's a little too tame. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Once your edgy humor gets to that next level, you have to keep going further. I feel like Opie and Anthony back in the day fucked me up with that because they did some horrible things to people. It's like porn. You have to keep getting less, more desensitized. And then you're taking pills to make you cum more yeah you have to that's normal that's part of being that's part of being a sigma male

once you start coming more coming like a regular person seems ridiculous yeah inferior all the women in your life are going to be blown away moms sisters literally blown away i think of them as glazed just fucking yeah that's disgusting I won't even say that but I want to punch that you just was going to be a dog a bad cum joke is because it was bad 30 but we can cut that I see you I see all the stuff

about i dubs on there you're trying to keep you want to save him you want to save him. You want to redeem him. You want to get that Yoko Ono, as you've said, out of his life. What's your plan? Because I remember iDubbbz content cop and how funny he was and how good those videos were. Those were hilarious. And he was...

He really... It's a common saying, but he really is pulling the ladder up after himself. Where he's like, I got wildly popular with edgy stuff that is not chill by 2022 standards. But you apologize for it. You don't do that. And it's like, well, that's how you got six million subs, dude. Like, that's how you got where you are. I think what he needs, what he really needs is to ditch that fucking bitch that he's with.

Unfortunately. What is the backstory to this girl? We've heard a couple of... Yeah, what's so bad about these unkind things? It doesn't seem like we like her. What I've seen and what I've heard from other people is that she is almost like his handler. So when he's talking to people backstage at the Creator Clash, when he's telling my crew that I'm kicked out, that I can't come, all that stuff, he's kind of

sitting back in the background, approving of certain things that are said, or just sort of sitting there. And Anissa is the one that's doing all the talking. Oh, there she is right there. What a peach. What a sweet little peach. Actually, I don't know. You say she's a whore? Well, she's got an OnlyFans, so she's kind of, yeah. I'm just saying, you know. How much?

Yeah. I don't know. Let's look it up. Prices and pictures are what I need to know, and we're halfway there. It just went up like $500 because we did this. No, guys, not that. We need to get people to buy cum pills and wheat gummies first. Let me sip into that clown-faced woman and buy her cum pills.

But that's what I've heard anecdotally is that she's the one who does the talking in this relationship, which is kind of strange because she's not famous. She's famous for being Idubbbz's girlfriend. What the fuck does she have an opinion about? And I've heard from her family that she's weird too.

And I don't want to talk about that because the person that contacted me is nice, but she's like a freak. Just chatting with her family. I heard from her family she's weird, but I'm not allowed to go any more into that. Yeah, she is weird. That's weird. What an audacious statement. I heard from her family she's weird. Well, why do you have it out for her, though?

It seems like your battle's really for him. Or do you think that she is the puppet master? She is like, you remember Master Blaster from Mad Max Thunderdome? Yes. She's like the little midget. That's the situation we have here, Kyle. That's the situation exactly. Master Blaster scenario. It's a Master Blaster scenario.

I don't know Master Blaster scenario, but it sounds important. Well, you have a little midget, high thinking, on top of a large oafish-like retarded man. Oh, okay. And Master is the little guy, and Blaster is the big guy, and he sort of operates

him like a giant tank. They're very close. Very close. That sounds fun. Deadly arena. They're twain, as Stix Hexenhammer666 would say. A unit. They're twain. They're twain.

They're twain? What the fuck does that mean? It's just, it doesn't even matter. There you go, there's the master blaster. Oh! Yes, that's Anissa on top and that's iDubbbz in the mask. Bioshock completely ripped us off. You see that, right? I do. So you think that she's holding him back from his full funny potential.

Because you know he's a very funny guy Who has very funny ideas Like he is, he knows how to write skits, how to produce He's a talented dude I think she's made him into a fag Well I mean strictly that's not true Well A spiritual fag Oh okay

That's the worst Spiritual ones A spiritual fag. Oh, okay. Okay, that clears that up. That's the worst. Spiritual ones? Let's use the word pussy. We'll say pussy. Peep that out. When you said a spiritual fag, I pictured a ghost going, boo. You're just waking up every night with ectoplasm in your mouth.

It didn't seem that bad at all. Is that a long and load app? Could be. I don't remember what year you did it, but that TED Talk where you made an absolute ass out of a bunch of retards at Drixel University

was one of the... It's still a classic. If you guys haven't seen it, listeners, look up Sam Hyde TED Talk. How hard was it for you to be, to get into the TED Talk? Was it difficult? Did you have to come up with a fake background? Or was it easier than you guessed? It was mad easy.

I just sent them an email. I said that I was, let me see if I still have the emails from Drexel. TEDx Drexel, here we go. The organizer's name was Daira Pujara. So, let's see. Yeah, I said I was a photographer. I was a war photographer

in Somalia. There was some group of women in Somalia who were cleaning up trash and that was who I was documenting was like the trash ladies of Somalia. That's such a stupid fake story. They're like, we got to get you in front of the people. They're not doing a good job. Somalia still looks like shit.

We got to bring attention to the trash ladies of the people. They're not doing a good job. Somalia still looks like shit. We had to bring attention to the trash ladies of Somalia. Trash ladies of Somalia. The refuse handlers of Somalia. That's so fucking funny. And they were just like, that is very interesting. We'd love to have you on to give your speech. And you were like... This sounds very interesting. Can we Skype sometime this week to explore possibilities

of a speaking engagement at TEDx? Mr. Pujara, my name is Sam Hyde. I'm a videographer slash photojournalist. In the past six months, I've done two projects that are pretty interesting. In California, I did some video work for SpaceX and shot a mini documentary about Elon Musk's quest to put a colony on Mars. I have permission to share my footage, including a video of Elon talking.

The other project I worked on was a piece in Mogadishu, the most dangerous city on Earth. A courageous group of women is behind a statistical drop in the rates of suicide bombings, murders, and kidnappings. Their secret? Cleaning up the streets, removing trash and scrap. Not completely dissimilar to the broken window situation in NYC in the late 80s slash early 90s. That's all I said. And he said, yes. He said yes. Sorry for rambling there.

But yeah, that's how I started. No, I love that. No, I love that. Wow. So once they said, yes, you can come on, were you then like, okay, I have to come up with the whole thing now? I didn't expect them to say yes. Yeah, I just had my friends. I had my buddy Wyatt, and I can't remember who else was involved.

I know, fuck man, there's this one kid who's so funny and continually has done stuff for me, but he's like super paranoid about being credited, so I never know how to credit him. And he's got like fucking five aliases, so I don't know which alias, like missed mr. Gizmo. That's him. So I had a Wyatt and mr Gizmo and myself we all jumped into a Google Doc and just started writing the most schizophrenic shit About the future and yeah that's that's how it went when with the beginning of that video or you climb up into the set and then sit down and Drink a whole bottle of water and then say give me 25 seconds it was one of the funniest i laughed so hard at that to this day just to get up there to drink water until you're out of breath

you're just eating the uncomfortable silence right in front of them and saying no you can't have any I want it all And of course you dressed as a motherfucking like Roman soldier a centurion soldier. A centurion. A centurion! One of the things that appeals to me most about comedy is just punishing the audience because most, and you can't really do it online because when you're online the people that are looking at your stuff are people who've

sought you out so it's like they're like-minded, they're with the program so you can't really abuse them too much but when you're out in the world with regular people who you say, the people in that audience, I can imagine saying something that I feel deeply and like heartfelt and sincere and being looked at like I'm a fucking like axe murderer or something. So why not torture them with like silence and schizophrenia and all these other things? Do you not get uncomfortable at all?

Like when you're up on – because I watched your stand-up where you go in there. There was a whole stand-up where you were wearing like an Arab robe and you're like, all right, guys. We're going to do a little different stand-up this time. I'm going to read crime stats. And that's all that you did. And like you just ran the room. that's, that's all that you did. And like, you just ran the room and like at home watching that a few years ago, I'm like, I'm like, I'm uncomfortable imagining myself having to deal with the hatred he's getting. I just, I, the thought of it makes me so uncomfortable. I'm,

I'm amazed. It's just, it doesn't bother you at all. You get, you enjoy it. No. Cause I know, I know when that's happening, that it's good, that it's successful and that people are people, people who seek me out and are looking at it online are going to be happy so that's how i know that it's going to be like an effective thing like i don't give a fuck about the people that came to watch it because the other thing is the other thing is um anybody who goes to open mic uh to do stand-up and like try out stand-up in a in a liberal city is just a scumbag like they're all they're all idiots. And their material is so bad.

And their ideas about... These are other stand-ups and they're not laughing at some shit. I know that I've said some shit that's super funny. I don't think I'm a great stand-up. I don't think that everything I do is good. But I know that I've said things in front of audiences like that that are super funny

that people should laugh at. And these dumb motherfuckers are just sitting there like like that like waiting for waiting for me to get off the stage so they can do their like Louis CK ripoff bit that they that they practiced so I forgot what your question was but oh yeah in that in that Arab one is that the one where I had the fake bomb at the end did you see that yeah yeah you had you had a fake bomb in a suitcase and then the organizer removed you from the premises. Fuck, I love that so much, that's so good.

My friend JD made that as a prop, he's like a prop maker, he makes crazy shit. We made this fake bomb. Wait, that was the bomb that when you open it, like, fuck, a foghorn goes off. Yeah, yeah. And a bunch of lights start flashing from the bomb. It was like a suitcase, and when you open the suitcase, there's a foghorn and a bunch of lights start flashing from the it was like a suitcase and when you open the suitcase there's a fog horn and a police light and it's supposed to look like an explosive device it did it was funny you did upset some people there are you not worried with

something like that though because people are so for lack of a better word trigger happy um like like you know if the cops ever show up you, explain to them that it's a joke bomb, might be awkward. It's a joke bomb! No, I'd just be like, no, it's a fucking foghorn in a police light in a suitcase. What are you talking about? But you're in the robe, so all they hear is la la la la la.

That's all I had to wear. My clothes, it's laundry day. Is it illegal? Is it illegal to wear a sheet, officer? It is illegal to wear a sheet and yell, Hasalamu alaikum at people who don't want you around them. Listen, here's the thing about police is that you just, all you have to do is make them think that you're a pill head

and that you're mad about something really insignificant. And you need to be aggressively more mad than they are interested in questioning you. And mad at somebody else, not them. So, for example, I recently sent a bunch of death threats to somebody and threatened some person really bad. death threats to somebody and threatened some person really bad. And after I did it, I was like, oh, man, I fucked up. I better get ready to run.

And the state police came to talk to me. And when they came, I went, yeah, listen. They were like, did you threaten this man? Did you threaten to kill this person? No, I didn't say I was going yeah, listen. They were like, did you threaten this man? Did you threaten to kill this person? No, I didn't say I was going to kill him. But listen, he made me late for my Uber Eats. So I'm standing there. I'm hungry. I've been hungry for six hours, dude.

Dude, I've been hungry for six hours. And it was like the topic, the real thing was he was trying to find out if I was unstable about some political issue, which I am. So if I had said, yeah, and check out whitenationalism.com, that would have been the worst answer. So what I said was, yeah, I said some shit because I was pissed off at him about my Uber Eats. That fucking guy made me so mad. And if he comes back here, I'm not saying I'm going to kick his ass, but I might do something. Obviously, I wasn't in character like that, but I upped the ante by threatening. I was like, yeah, and if I see that guy again, listen, I'm not a violent person,

but if he makes me miss my Grubhub, it's on. Listen, I'm not a violent person, but if he makes me miss my grub hub, it's on And the fucking this fucking state trooper was like yeah, I get hungry like that too sometimes I get hungry too sometimes He was a state trooper was a cool guy. He was handsome. He's a Chad. He was like me. He had my body type. And I knew that he was going to get pissed off when he's hungry because I get pissed off when I'm hungry. So I knew that would be the common bond with this State Trooper that was jacked like me. I didn't want to gloss over that. How tall are you? I'm six foot

four and a half. Okay, that half is important. I'm almost six five. That's an important half inch when you're already six four. You're fucking jacked. So I saw, I was just scrolling on Reddit, and I found a picture of you. And I don't even remember what context, but it was you like double bicep, looking ridiculous. Oh, yeah like looking ridiculous

like somebody spilled some ooze on you or something yeah i got used did you uh do you use any like uh trt or anything like that yeah yeah okay yeah that makes but not not like a super high dose though i'm just on i just have like normal like 1950s man testosterone that's yeah i mean there's a different picture than this like if you keep digging where he's like giving double bicep uh and he looks so many stories all over he's clearly done this is not how he looks this is not representative of Sam's to see what kind of filter have you put on your face so that you look like a sick Skyrim character you look like a character from Skyrim who has the way

the clown emoticon just just the psoriasis filter I think it's to be I think if you're asking seriously I mean it's shadow and highlight which don't tell anyone that's my secret special effect that I put on lots of videos that's how you got your face like that shadow and highlight? Yeah. Jesus. It just boosts the shadows and it reduces the highlights. Well, this is not the picture we were imagining.

There's one of you that was very recent where you're looking very good. I can find it for you. But, like, I've seen enough images from your Instagram and stuff where you intentionally upload pictures of yourself looking just horrific with, like, psoriasis filters and, like, leprosy. I don't think those are psoriasis filters and like leprosy. I don't think this is psoriasis filters, I think I actually have that shit on me. You think so? Dude, you're very ripped. I just got fans, bro.

Whoa, emerging man. This is what I was thinking of. Your biceps here are like colossal. Yeah. I'm gonna have to lose some weight, but thank you. Yeah, you need to cut, but not a tremendous amount. Like you don't need to lose a tremendous amount of fat. Like you're like, I don't know, 15 pounds away from being like shredded.

You think 15? More than 15, but he'll be jacked. 15 pounds lighter. Because he is a big guy jacked. 15 pounds lighter. Yeah, 15 pounds lighter though. He'll have the emerging abs and he'll look fucking badass. I'm just saying your biceps are absolutely absurd. Thank you, brother.

Like, stop. No, don't stop. You're looking yoked. I mean, Kyle says you need to lose weight, but I'd hit it now, Sam. I gotta lose 20 pounds. I'm doing a fight. Did you guys know that? I had no idea you were fighting. Tell me more.

It's not boogie, is it? It's going to, no. No, that's a bully move. I got to write that down. We'll circle back to that. That one, listen, I felt bad. I felt bad about threatening. I felt very bad about threatening boogie, but so many people asked me to do it.

And I put an Instagram poll. I said, guys, this is evil. I don't want to do it. But if you make me fight Boogie, I'll do it. And they all wanted me to fucking do it. I don't know, man. I'm a people pleaser. You're a man of the people.

I've written down the topic, so we won't miss the fight topic. But Boogie and Wings, right? In my view view both of these are kind of punching down right you're very popular wings wings of redemption i saw a video oh that was a cameo someone i don't know who that is someone paid someone bought a cameo and made me threat and made me call out wings of redemption i don't know who that is i did not have the background to that. I didn't changes everything It's my bad you see what he can I can I jump and like predict where you're heading with this that maybe Sam Should fight boogie and wings

There are combined. I get to see like like the poster combined 1,000 pounds This is Wings of Redemption. You challenged him to a fight. You might not know. Wings is kind of internet bullied a lot. That's like his whole thing is kind of his audience

picks on him. Mine too, actually. But his whole thing is that his audience just erodes at his mental health through a lot of online stuff, but also in real life stuff. The feds are always knocking on his door, the FBI, the regular police, and then pizzas and mailmen.

Parents looking for their children. Right. They hire mechanics to come to his house and be like, hey, I heard you needed your truck fixed. And he's like, what? No. That's not real.

Sorry to bother you. Well, anyway, I'm going to dump this load of chicken shit that you ordered and get on out of here. Yeah, so when you challenged him to a fight, I was like, oh, I wonder why Sam is piling on. Yeah, no, that's terrible. My bad for that. I didn't know who he was. Nah, it's okay.

One of these little punks paid me to say it. So I had to. Yeah, and I'm sure this won't result in a lot more of that. How much would it cost to get you to say more things about wings? $149. Oh, bargain! Bargain! $149.

Do you get a decent amount of people who pay you to do that shit? I always wondered with cameo personalities. Is it like one a week? Are they hitting multiple a day? I had it open for a few days and I made $10,000. I closed it because it was a waste of time.

$10,000 is a waste of time? Good for you. Listen, I wanted to make it so that people were getting their money's worth, so I did two minute long little mini it's almost like a mini standup routine. So if you do 10, if you do 10 of those, it's like doing a 20 minute improv standup set.

And you can't, you can't really do like fucking a hundred. Can't if you're doing it the way that I was doing it, you can't do a hundred cameos a day. It's just too taxing. So I just, it literally was not worth, worth the money. In general, anything where you're selling your time for money, you can only do so much of it. Very true. Especially diminishing returns, like if it relies on you being funny.

Like you five hours in is not in the mood. You're not funny. You're not feeling organic. You're totally scraping the bottom. You look at the really rich people, they sell products. rich people they sell products you were you were talking about that cop tip for when you know like a natural part of everything you send people death threats online and then you need to cover your ass of course i'm also interested because you've given some some mind-blowing i'll say financial advice over the years in regard to maxing out as many credit cards as those foolish companies will

give you in order to buy crypto and then never ever pay your credit cards back. Can you explain that theory and how it's working for you? It's working beautifully and I'm continuing to cred max right now. Listen, I would be... Are you cred maxing still? You're cred maxing still? If I hadn't cred maxed back in the day and gotten my bag of magic coins, I would be dead right now because I would have killed myself.

Okay? So that's my financial independence. The ticket to my financial independence was a magical little card that said Barclays on it and another magical little card that said Capital One on it and another magical little card that said Barclays on it and another magical little card that said Capital One on it and another magical little card that said MasterCard on it. That's how I fucking, but look, the, if you know of an asset or a play or something that's going to go up in value mad, why not take out a bunch of credit card debt to finance it um that's only if you know something that's going to go up that's going to beat uh you know 20 or 25 percent apr or whatever so it's it's case oh you're gonna pay them back case specific i have been because i want to buy a house

but uh there's really if you're not going to buy a house there's not really any reason to pay back debt you can just that was always the thing was like, yeah, it makes sense that he cred maxed and bought a bunch of Bitcoin cheap, and then, but your, like, advice was always like, and your credit score? Fuck your credit score, and I'm like, well, what if you ever want a home, or anything like that? You'll be paying cash for the home. Unless you're making 10 grand a day on, on fucking Cameo, you're not gonna have the capital. Most people have no hope of ever buying a home. And for most people, for most people it would probably be a retarded decision anyway,

because you buy a home and the value, your wealth that you're trying to preserve in this investment vehicle is getting sucked away by property tax and maintenance costs, whatever else. I don't know if, I'm not sure buying a home is a good idea from an investment standpoint. I just want to do it because i need a place to put my vehicles but it's typically one of the greatest wealth builders in any family real estate market it's just about to fucking implode just just i just it's just i don't know i implode i don't

disagree with you i'm just saying i don't know anything about it the last time the real estate market imploded prices barely went down they just sold more slowly and then they went back up and then they went higher like is that true but yeah like the cost of a house went to like 400 grand now it's there's some markets like florida swampland in las vegas where perhaps it did go down but the bulk of the country your 400 000 house dropped to like 390 sold more slowly and now it's at 600. I don't know. With inflation and then the rake hikes and everything, it is really

difficult for someone to get into a house for the first time. The system does seem to be set up to keep them out. Good gosh, you're right. I mean, you want to keep them out if you're a landlord, and I see that movement on Reddit. I was really confused by it at first.

Like, the hate for landlords. Okay. Because, like, I've never had any, like, love for any of my landlords. I was never like, oh, yeah. Realty investment company, six million. I love them. It's not that. It's just like, but, I mean, they own this fucking place.

And for a reasonable amount of money, they let me fucking stay here. And, like, my rent was late that time. And they just, like, nudged me. They weren't shitty my rent was late that time, and they just nudged me. They weren't shitty about it. So I got no problem with them. I didn't understand the hate for them. I don't hate everyone else I buy goods and services from. Yeah, no.

I feel like we've come to an agreement about what this is worth, and we got a good thing going. And I still don't understand the hate for landlords as much as I understand. It should be a hate for the system. You can't fault the landlords any more than you can say fault a billionaire for not just paying more tax. He's just following the tax code. Here's my new billionaire frustration.

Whenever I hear a billionaire talk about how frugal he is, I think, suck my dick, you absolute asshole. Warren Buffett today on Reddit was like, I spent $3.25 for breakfast on a day of peace. He gave all his money away today. You know that, right?

To charity. Like, the vast majority. Like, 95% or something. I saw it in a tweet. But my question is, but did he really? I don't know. He's always, I'll tell you what, since Bill Gates gave all his money away to that charity,

his net worth is like quintupled, right? Like, it hasn't gone down one bit. It hasn't gone down once any particular year. Bill Gates just gets wealthier year after year after year, and he's still like the greatest philanthropist ever. I'm half wondering if these charities that they set up are some sort of tax avoidance scam thing. They obviously are. I just can't prove it, but I have my suspicion, and it's PKA, and I don't need any proof whatsoever. Like the By Bird Foundation.

I've heard Elon Musk lives in some inexpensive home. What a dick. I doubt that. I want Elon Musk. Elon Musk should build $20 mansions and then shoot missiles at them and build more. Just fucking pump some money into the economy. I don't care. Billionaires who don't live

big lavish lives like we know what you're doing we know you're faking we know you're trying to be endearing to us commoners us peons like fuck off we know we know you're drinking you know champagne and having caviar behind the scenes just because you had just because you pretended to eat a bite of the commoners big mac once. I just don't know why anybody cares. I want you to be. I wanted to buy Kyle's used socks for $75,000 for the left and $75,000 for the right. Just piss money away. And then Kyle will take his $150,000 and do something awesome with it. I don't care.

I'd waste it. That's fine. Then the guy who you wasted on will do cool shit with it. I'd buy a full Soren X fucking Olympic-style gymnasium that I'd put in my... I'd knock walls out to get it all in. That's a good-ass idea. I'd have that giant power rack with the fucking stacks on either side, the 300-pound stacks.

Oh, we'd get so fucking strong. Yeah, if I were a billionaire, I'd get... I'd help squat and never use it. I'd have whatever the nicest functional trainer available was, and I'd have it in every room in the house. I'd buy many vapes these are 25 a pop more than a thousand speaking of vapes there was something else i wanted to ask sam about so like people all the time in the comments on your videos whatnot and i'm sure you see it are like oh what's this guy smoking this guy's just wild he's goofy he's crazy he gets a little cuckoo and but

you're a you're a totally straight edge guy smoking does that does that yeah you're straight edge other than Matt does that ever bother you a little bit where you're like I'd know I mean I think I think man people really want to believe that I smoke weed really bad but I think partially that's probably to excuse their own habits you know like that guy he's like me he smokes weed to believe that I smoke weed really bad, but I think partially that's probably to excuse their own habits. You know, like that guy, he's like me. He smokes weed too.

I can do this. But yeah, man, I'm a teetotaler except for the nicotine. Okay. Yeah. You're a big cigar guy, right? But I've given that up since I have this aspiration to fight this gentleman. Nice. Was it hard to quit the cigars?

No, not really. Not at all. Where do you get your TRT from? Like a doctor there or like an online clinic? A doctor, yeah. I had to go for the in-person visit, but ever since then it's been telemedicine and blood work. Good. Every six months.

Yeah. I may have missed it. What's your weight now, and what are you trying to get to for the fight? 260 right now, and I could probably lose 10 pounds. Just to be lighter on my feet but not to feel too zapped energy-wise, I think 10 pounds is the right number. I know that extreme weight loss, uh andy andrew ruiz and uh tyson fury uh i don't think i don't think losing a ton of weight's a good idea no you can do that that's like a four-week cut

for someone your size like that's just like cutting a few hundred calories out and doing a bit of cardio to cut how much in four weeks 10 10 pounds he's 260 now he's big yeah we need to loop sam in with uh with derek yeah if you're into like performance enhancing stuff and like i don't know geeking out about like micronutrients and uh testosterone and everything under the sun that's performance enhancing our boy derek he's got a youtube channel called more plates more dates he was on roll that guy long ago yeah yeah he we partner with him to make our cum pills no way yeah and he's got a big supplement company and he also has a TRT clinic so I work with them doing the TRT stuff Sam Hyde supplement yeah what would it make you yeah what would it make you more? It would be funny, because I'd hook a brother up.

Increase disjointed thoughts by 300%! Well there's a, uh, fuck, what did I think? There's one called Zippy Water, which is, uh, beta-alanine beet powder. I used to drink big beakers full of this blood red concoction that I- Did you make that? Yeah, yeah. big beakers full of this blood red concoction that I got you made really yeah just a little bit on our poop red and but itchy that's what I hate alanine

and beet juice would do I remember that the giant way to play as tuber beaker you were drinking out of something it would look like you're you're having a miscarriage every time you take a shit it really would She's so terrifying man. I was extra. I just linked a video to you guys. I was extremely bloated in this one That's it right there that that is what I used to drink I like that it's in the beaker so so much How much powder is in that it It's blood red. It's a lot. I'll give you a good pump.

That's one idea that I had. Also today I was drinking milk and I think I said this should be called husky milk or horny milk or something like that. Hustle milk? Hustle milk! Fuck yes! Nobody steal that idea. Hustle milk. Oh, I'm sure it's safe. Oh yeah baby, hustle milk. Just milk with caffeine in it? It gets you hustling baby. It gets you hustling, baby You know I'm saying so yes, it breaks. He breaks down walls busts down doors as a hustle milk You know why this idea is just expensive partly people aren't doers so no one's gonna take it and partly

You can have that idea. Yeah So no one's gonna take it and partly you can have that idea The amount of fucking issues with dealing with mass orders of milk It's not taken also a shelf stable milk product. Oh, there's an Instagram called hustle. I mean muscle says that black lady I wanted in cartons though like like like like square cartons my cream is like that uh-huh Like those uh pure protein shakes and those little protein packs. Yeah, like you who's You who's are in glass bottles you can get them in cans glass bottles or rectangular cartons Oh, you've got to have it out of a glass bottle if you're doing a lot of these classes you who you you need to spice it up a bit put your pinky up throw the same way like if you drinks fancy sparkling

waters like a Perrier it's it's way better out of a glass bottle because you feel like you're French mmm I hate sparkling water I feel like a douchebag when I drink it I know you like it a lot I can't sparkling water what's wrong with it doesn't make you feel like it really came out like I hate sparkling water. I feel like a douchebag when I drink it. I know you like it a lot. I can't get up to it. I like sparkling water. What's wrong with it? It doesn't make you feel like a douchebag? I really came out like, I hate sparkling water, douchebags drink it. Like you. I like a little bit of lemon flavor in my water. It's fine for you, but like, me, nah. Nah, I couldn't be a-

I don't wanna be a piece of it. I'm just gonna switch to zippy water. I literally just don't like the way it feels in my mouth all bubbly and shit, without the added fake sugars and sweeteners that this sun-kissed Zero has. It's too feminine and decadent. Sucks. This is fucking classy as shit right here. This is a delicious beverage. No, I'm saying that's a bad flavor Sunkissed Zero. No, it's an excellent flavor. You're wrong. You're just wrong. Is it because it brings high-class women? Like what makes it classy? Oh yeah! Oh, he's got it in a koozie a braves koozie

oh god i wish i had a cocktail dress to like like like come in and like like not hand me a new one but fill this one back up from like a crystal decanter no and i wish i was into more like uh like fancy foods fancy drinks i see people like drinking fancy whiskeys and I wish I like knew how to enjoy that. The same way like I see someone smoking a cigar. Like when I go golfing with my dad once every five years or whatever, he always wants us to have a cigar.

And I like, I see everybody else, all the other guys smoking their cigar and they seem to be enjoying it. And like I get a couple puffs in and I really hate it, but I can't get rid of it everybody else is smoking i look like an asshole if i get rid of it and so i like you basically sign up for a two hour dry mouth session i fucking hate it i'd rather smoke a cigarette i can i've had friends like want to celebrate their uh that their wife is pregnant and they

come with like the box of these cheap ass fucking cigars. And now everybody's holding a smoldering dog turd looking at each other like, how long does this go on for before we all put them out and throw them away? It's like realizing like if you held it outside the golf cart as you were driving, it helped accelerate the burn. And so I was like trying to get rid of it sooner. It's never been my thing. I'm not I kind of like smelling someone else's cigar.

If they're not too close, that's kind of a sweet tobacco we smell. And I remember, um, I had an uncle or I still do who used to chew, uh, Levi Garrett chewing tobacco. And if you ever,

if you ever smelled that shit, it smells wonderful. It smells like something you want. You don't want it though. You don't want that. No, I remember. Yeah.

My grandpa's chew would always smell really nice, but it looked like, you ever smell, um, it's like, uh, you don't want it though you don't want that no i remember yeah my grandpa's chew would always smell really nice but it looked like you ever smell um it's like uh you ever smell sweet feed that's for like cattle sure that that like sweet it's like these it looks kind of like dog food but i don't know they coat it in molasses or something so when you smell it it smells like a sweet breakfast cereal it's like damn there's no way that's not good it's not good did you try some of Of course I tried some. I did at my grandpa's cattle farm, too. You think it would taste like, what were those? Honey.

Pops. Is that what they're called? Those like just sugar balls, pops. Yeah, or like honey bunches of oats or something. They smelled like pops. And I remember like being out there by the cattle and my grandpa would be like, Tyler, get a handful. Give it a go.

And I was like, no. It tastes like absolute ass. This is making me hungry. i want to try some of that stuff some sweet feet have you have you seen that that 4chan post of the guy who like circumnavigated traditional fitness by being the way he eats is he orders bulk gorilla chow from zoo suppliers and it has it has a tremendous macro split and so he and like he proved it and like you know how they'll be like i I'm eating Gorilla Chow. I'm on month three.

And they're like, fuck you. And he posted a body picture and showed his morning bowl of Gorilla Chow. And he was like, you're going to need a lot of hot sauce. It's mostly very dry, very tasteless. But the macros are out of this world. And the guy posted his body. And he even said, he's like, I only do gorilla-based workouts. Only pro-bath.

in his body and he even said he's like I only do gorilla based workouts only he was looking like he could swing from the fucking branches to each other but not a very underdeveloped chests like gorillas have but a very overdeveloped back dude is that gorilla chow yeah I think that's the gorilla I totally see like some like freeze some like dried up bananas or sweet potatoes or something good and then it's like a bunch of crude protein and it kind of looks like it's I can totally see some dried up bananas or sweet potatoes or something. That looks good. And then it's like a bunch of crude protein. It kind of looks like it's frosted as well. That looks outstanding.

Is that really gorilla chow for sure? I could have a big bowl of that in the morning. This looks better than what that guy posted. It looks better than what I had for breakfast. It does. That looks tasty. I had eggs pretending to be an omelet with some salsa in it. You can get 3,000 grams of protein for like $40 if you eat Gorilla Chow from Zoo.

I just got a shit ton of Derek's protein powder. I've only had like 700 calories today because I'm stupid. I'm going to eat like a fucking freak after the show. I'm so excited. I have all my calories left for the day. You were saying? Yeah, there's the Gorilla Chow, the guy. Yeah, see him? See? See? Pull day all day.

What the fuck? Put that up there. There's no way he's actually eating the Gorilla Chow, though, right? Yes, he's eating the Gorilla Chow. No one would lie on 4chan. I'm going to need to see videos of him eating it, because I did that video that time eating vodka Wheaties. I took one bite. You don't think I finished the bowl?

There's no way. There's no way the man's eating fucking Gorilla Chow. You can't keep that up. Nobody can. But what if you did, though? Wow, you'd probably get very, very sick. Very simian. What if it awakened within you some type of primal epigenetic

beast? Like, unknown to you, unknown to you, Gorilla Chow is made of dead gorillas and they use dead gorilla brain matter. And those prions somehow latch on to your human brain. And somehow you become a gorilla like man. Ape-ify you. Somehow there's like latent gorilla thought processes come in through the gorilla chow

and plant them and you start becoming more gorilla like the more you eat the more your brain is slowly becoming that of a gorilla. We could benefit from becoming more gorilla-esque. They have peaceful societies. They eat, well the leaf eating part isn't something to aspire to.

I think they have the smallest penis-to-body-size ratio of any primate. They do. Yeah, but we don't have to worry about that. Because we, as humans, we've got the biggest dicks by ratio. We can jelk. And so we're going to steal all the good parts of being a gorilla. Okay. And then we'll also keep the... parts of being a gorilla. Okay.

Gorillas can't drive. They just don't want to be able to drive. They always talk about the other hominid species that were around that we beat out. The Neanderthals were the most famous, but there were five other ones. There were some little people in Indonesia. Do you think we won out because we had bigger dicks? I think we won out because they were two feet tall

and they had no reach. I like Kyle's theory. All the lady monkeys chose us. I think that all those hairy they were like two feet tall and like they had no reach I like Kyle's theory all the lady monkeys chose us I think that like all those hairy ass Neanderthal bitches were like holy shit those tall dudes over there without hairy backs were like hung as fuck

I thought the Neanderthals were bigger than us in every way and we only like one because we outnumbered them I tricked them by shaving around it. It's really not that long. It's an illusion. They don't have that technology. It's an absolute illusion.

You made sure to keep your pubic fat down so that the fat pad was, you know, made it elongated. Yes. You have to push it down. That's a dead thing that happens to guys. Is there like a pubic fat pad? Yeah. Oh yeah.. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah.

All right. So do this. So if you go in, if you like touch your dick root with your finger and then like, yeah, everybody get your dick root real quick. Everybody touch your penis. Go down with one finger at the top of your dick root. Push and then push it. That's not your dick root.

That's something else. You went too far down. You're too low. And then you like hook, right? You feel that fat that you're able to hook? No, that's my ass. See, it's too low again. Don't hook the hole. The honest to goodness, it's muscle.

You're very lean though. Pure muscle. You're very lean. You've got a six pack, okay? Yeah, you're lean. At first I was like, he's's right it's really squishy and then i flex my abs and i'm like oh actually this is mostly you can reach in there and like and you can grab a whole pocket of fat if you're a normal human being who's not ripped as fuck like what he

is yeah just one pocket of fat like a normal human what he sent me i woke up to like one of the gayest pictures ever i was like i'm bleary-eyed when I wake up. I've always got a ton of missed messages from every app I use. I'm flicking through them. There's Woody in his underwear. I don't think that's true. I was in board shorts. They were in board shorts.

He stuck his dick through the fly. That is true. He's doing that thing where when you stick it through the fly it gives you some lift. So he's clearly like peacocking for us, literally. And he's all, he just, he clearly just got out of the gym, he's all pumped up, he's like vascular, a little red. And he's like, he's trying to flex while forcing a smile, which is hard if you've never done it. Trying to flex for a- I'm trying to figure out the parts of the story that are true and untrue.

True shit. I'm trying to flex for a grimacing... I'm trying to figure out the parts of the story that are true and untrue. That's what... Yeah. I'm melding truth with awful lies. I am trying to get the Jimbro talk rolling again. I feel like we haven't been as Jimbro-y in the private PKA chat, kicking it off. Kyle was carrying us for a little while with his gym purchases and um i'm i'm bringing back the shirt in our in our group chat like we're all talking about everything every day but kyle and i got on the chat where we're sharing videos back and forth of miked up nhl players

because like it's hilarious how much how polite they are like you want to go before their fight like you want to fight you're too big not you you're too big, but how about him? I'm like, I'll take you and so then they fight and they give a that's nice Good good for you bud, and we were just sharing those back and forth and then what he's like, this is gay Here's a picture of me naked Let's talk about the gym I like Jim talk. I'm not gonna Girls I saw the curl videos. You're looking good.

You're looking solid. Looking tight. Looking fit. I'm going to be honest. I didn't watch the video. You're doing your kickers and twisters. You missed it out. I appreciate it, though.

I don't have a rackable curl bar, but mine goes on. I've got a piece of equipment that it sits on really nicely, the cheap cap bell I've got. So I won't spend more money on a rackable one. I am jealous of yours. It's cool. I like it. With Sam on here, I don't want to waste any time with Jim stuff. You're right.

Yay, Taylor. If you had to pick one thing that you're most proud of that you've made, would it be World Peace? The show? I think that's a hard question. There's a lot of stuff that's like unseen, like there's got low views and it's extremely weird and esoteric that just makes me really, really super happy because of how strange it is.

What's an example of that one for someone to go find? Man. All this stuff with your mom, you just harassing her. There's one master cut that's unreleased and not edited of me harassing my mom. And it starts out with her. She's getting on my case for my loggeria my in my inability to keep my mouth shut around her and she's she does an impression of me and she goes uh uh actually

you know what i shouldn't i shouldn't even say that because it's going to be uh fuck i'm sorry guys that's not really good good conversational flow there I can't say what she says in that. Oh, my God. Your mom sounds awesome. Actually, my mom said something that I can't utter. Yeah, mom. Hard R mom is what I call it. There's one thing that we did.

We did this project called The Great War. It's probably a lot of fans who've seen it think it's the worst thing I've ever made, and I think it might be the best thing I've ever made. But it's like a five-hour-long war movie.

Really? Yeah. How did I not know you made a five-hour-long war movie? That's on our Gumroad channel, but it's pretty retarded and it's it's pretty it's pretty bad people uh people hate let me let me put a link here so this is the type of thing this right here that link right there i'm oddly happier looking back at certain things like that

can you pull that up yeah we can watch this Sam's not gonna strike this short short no no no take a second for saying to get it up oh my god can we get audio though yeah we need audio though yeah we need audio yeah louder this fucking classes just so stupid is he wearing them right now I think so that's different Ah. I don't know. That was the best buy in a row. They're going to make a great addition to the team. That's so fucking funny.

I can't believe I haven't seen that one. There's a million videos like that. The kind of thing that makes me the happiest is that it's just like the insane joy of uh like being desperate and like fucked up and making some weird freak iphone video that's kind of like the most joyful it's the happiest you get yeah i think so yeah do you still ever you know you don't troll your mom anymore with the videos you're no no no too old for that she's too old for that she needs to be loved for that. She needs to be loved and cherished. That's very mature of you. Loving and cherished. You see your family a lot? Your mom? I see my mom a lot. Yeah. That's good. You're in Rhode Island, right? I'm at that phase where I

know she's going to die and I'm trying to not red pill her. That's sort of everybody's, all these kids, their instinct is to try to red pill their own family. Are you familiar with that? People will be like, I want to talk to my dad about politics and how I have it all figured out. Hey, dad, you know that vaccine is fake, right? That sort of thing. Like that level of shit, yeah.

These people, people on the left do this especially, though. But everybody sort of, they think it's worthwhile to create this schism with their loved ones over some stupid, not stupid, but over some point that there's no chance that they'll ever see eye to eye with you on. So I'm well past that phase with my mom and so i try to just uh you know when she talks to me i said yeah hillary clinton is good i i love that you saw that on the news today that's scary the ukraine situation is really bad oh yeah i agree mom like that type of stuff is what we talk about yeah no you're 100 right because like it is a young guy thing where they're like oh i figured it out yeah i've got the keys in my pocket i can teach my parents they're going to be so appreciative that their boomer minds will

have to reset to a whole new heuristic of reality they're going to be so appreciative that i showed them this and then like really you're a dumb kid who doesn't know shit. And all you're doing is marginalizing your own parents. And it's like, it's not, go talk about politics with your friends or do it online. Like, your relationship with your family is too important to put stress on for something like that. Like, just, like, I don't talk, like, my dad and I, if politics comes up, it's like, hey, how are the blues doing?

Like, just talk about sports. Talk about fun stuff. Reminisce about fun memories from childhood like that's that's a much better way to spend time with your family than you voted for trump you voted for hillary i can't people i can't believe people actually do that we never did that in my family embarrassing nobody in my family like thanksgiving does that i thought it was like a meme it's like oh crazy uncle gonna argue like no people are all you know you know it's fair that you when you say crazy uncle like yeah my uncle will go on about like what he saw on his facebook or whatever but you just like you go yeah yeah you literally say that's crazy that's wild and then just like he'll run out of steam eventually about like the

conspiracies and the microchips and shit it it'll be done. We can talk about something normal that we both are on the same page. Dude, I have people in my family who... You have to treat it like you're in Times Square and someone's trying to get you to listen to their mixtape. You know, when the guy comes up to you and puts the headphones on you and makes you listen to it, you go, Oh, yeah, that's crazy. Wow. Take it off. Interesting. See ya. Yeah.

It's just not worth it. That's good advice that you give to the young people. Definitely better advice than destroy your credit for your entire life. It's only for seven years. I don't know. If you did it when you're... When's the earliest that they start giving kids credit cards?

No. 18, right? 18, yeah. 18. You can give them under someone else's name younger okay so like huge error you know get started at 18 and really max them out get yourself a couple hundred k maybe if you can and right into the right into the crypto and then file bankruptcy and you got yourself a nice little little start there huh how much did you credit max like overall if you're comfortable saying like how much total did you credit max into the crypto sphere? Initially 12,000 and then I have probably

Like 50,000 of vehicle payments that I have to make good on How many cars do you have? It's motorcycles. I've just the the truck and then a few bikes that are financed. I have to ask. What do you got? Do you really have a few motorcycles? I have a Ninja H2. I have a Tuono. I have a Moto Guzzi Daytona 1000, very rare.

And then for cars, I have a Raptor. I have a Trans Am. I have a Toyota Soarer and a Toyota Supra and a Dodge Ram. Jesus Christ. I'm into motorcycles too, but not as rare. What bikes do you have? Favorite bike, KTM 890 Adventure. Doing a huge trip coming up.

I'm excited. Very cool. I have a DRZ 400. I put miles on that. I have a KTM 500 and Supermoto trim. It's broken. I don't ride it very much. I have a 125 Honda dirt bike that I just learned. I just used to practice wheelies mostly in my yard and

I feel like I'm leaving one out I don't need to have a 302 stroke my dirt bike. It's hard to keep track You've got a whole fucking you've got enough of your own little motorcycle gang over there if you need be We should talk about Sam you got a dozen Jesus rough riders over here enough for your own little motorcycle gang over there if you need be. Between you and Sam, you got a dozen. Jesus. Rough riders over here. Is it? I mean, you're a huge guy. Do you look silly on the motorcycle?

Do you have big motorcycles so you don't look ridiculous? I look like a circus bear. Yeah. Little feet stapled to the pedals. And I have a big head too, so I have to wear a 3XL helmet, which is another shell size. I know that feel.

So I look like a fucking lollipop on top of this. Do you wear like leather, full suit, protective gear, gloves? No? No. Do you wear anything special aside from a helmet? Just the helmet, yeah., no? No. Do you wear anything special aside from a helmet? Just the helmet, yeah. Just the helmet. No gloves?

No. Okay. If you could have one bike, which one do you keep? H2, for sure. I thought you'd say that. Yeah. Ninjas are like the retardedly fast brand, right? I don't know.

I'm the only one here without a motorcycle. Well, the thing that's special about the H2 is it represents the best Japan has to offer. And I'm not a huge weeaboo, I don't fawn over every Japanese bike ever, but when a nation comes together as one to create the ultimate machine that gets me, that picks my antennae up. And it doesn't matter if it's Italy, England, whoever that does it, it's something that I need to own in my stable. But the Ninja H2, the thing that's special about it is they drew from

Kawasaki Heavy Industry. So Kawasaki Heavy Industry is this huge company. They make ship engines, they make nuclear power plant parts, they make generators for fucking river dams and shit like that. And then Kawasaki Motorsports is like this tiny little subdivision that doesn't do nearly as much sales. And the Kawasaki Heavy Industry logo, the river mark, was never put on any motorcycles except for the original H2, I believe, and now the new H2 that they made

because that's the motorcycle that best exemplifies it. There's fucking front brakes. There's because of the tire. Is yours in green like that? Look up H2R because this exhaust. Yeah, they're like car brakes. Look up H2R because that exhaust makes it look fucking hideous. But the trellis frame is welded by robots.

It has a supercharger that was designed by the people that make the fucking river dam generator things. It's just fucking like a powerhouse of monumental creation. You sell it so well. I want one now. And I don't even have... That's not the mission I typically fulfill. What's the fastest you've been on it? Probably pretty fast.

Hypothetically, that time you were in Mexico. I don't know, man. It felt pretty fast. I wasn't looking at the speedometer, though. Are you familiar with the Lexus LFA? No. The Lexus LFA? No. The Lexus LFA, when they made the Lexus LFA to, man, to like solidify morale around the building of this kind of skunk works project, they recruited. What is happening right now i'm just getting teary-eyed thinking about it they recruited uh the toyota uh company baseball coach

to be the why they have a company baseball cup am i being pranked right now? No, no, no. I get emotional. Japan loves baseball, yeah. To make it so that the team making this car had the highest possible... The highest possible morale. They recruited the baseball coach. Hold on a second.

I got to send you a link. If he's like in like the plant wearing his baseball uniform, but like a bat over his shoulder. He's got a slug girl. I don't know how he did it, but damn, he sure did it. Man.

I can't wait to see. That car fucking sounds crazy. So yeah, it's just kind of like That kind of story is what draws me to vehicles and makes me need to to buy them is that your like your main hobby? You'd say vehicles and motorcycles cars. Yeah, there are other stuff. You're into I mean weightlifting obviously What was that shit that you were tooling around with Idubbz in? That slingshot or whatever it is? Oh, the slingshot? Oh my god, that fucking thing was a monstrosity, man. Those are awesome.

I don't hate them as much as everybody else does. Have you driven one? No, but I touched one. They're so bad, they're so bad, man. They're so bad. Once you drive it, you'll hate your life. Why are they terrible? It's like, have you bought anything from amazon basics you know the feel the feel of pure disposability once you sit in the slingshot

you'll know that you were you're in a car made by the same people it was i i as i was watching you like help i dubs through that i also don't know how to drive a stick and i was putting myself in his position and every time you were like no you're thinking lamborghini you have to think ferrari in my head i was like i was putting myself in there and i'm like i would have been like so panicked i wouldn't have known like the right way to shift like and then he was like endearingly asking you genuinely for advice and you go honestly i got it well we i did not think in ferrari yeah yeah i did i did coach him i did tell him what to do in clips that he didn't uh didn't use i didn't just i didn't just say think ferrari i was like you gotta ease off that way though yeah no it is funnier that way.

It is. You don't know how to drive a stick? I've never driven one. I drove a stick shift ATV in a couple pieces of farm equipment where you had to lean down and shift on the side, like those little levers that were down by your feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've never done one in a car now.

Huh. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've never done one in a car now. Huh. It's fun. Yeah. It seems like more work. And driving is already one of the most boring tasks imaginable for me. Maybe that's because I drive a boring-ass Honda car and I'm just not into the racing and shit. I just... I don't know. It's such a...

It's a hobby. I'm glad I don't like it because it's so fucking expensive to get into anything motor related. I don't know. I kind of want a jet ski. Okay. Jet skis are tight. I do like those. Like a really fast one.

Like how fast do they go? I bet you could like, have you ever gone like 40 miles an hour on a jet ski? You feel like you're about to take off. Like, like what is a 10, is a $10,000 jet ski? I'm sure that's not top of the line, but let's just say, like, how fast does that go? Like 60? Like 60? That feels almost, that feels like a dangerous speed on a little thing.

Right? Back in the day, they went about 40. I remember mine went 37, according to the specs. They might be faster now. And now they're like little mini boats that you kind of sit on. 1,200 horsepower? Wait, that can't be true. That can't be right.

How do you get 1,200 horsepower? There's not 1,200 horsepower in that thing he's sitting on. There's no fucking way. That's how many hit points you need to survive a ride. That's not a hit point. One of those things. Yeah, I don't know about that one. He has two twin turbos.

What an asshole. Those are fun. All right, I'll watch that video later one. He has two twin turbos. What an asshole. Those are fun. All right, I'll watch that video later then. That's absurd. So other than cars, motorcycles, are you into gaming? What else do you do in your free time that you enjoy? I've been, I used, I would have said boxing, but I've been doing it so seriously now that I don't like it anymore. So I don't

like that. Yeah. And then also probably the fourth thing on my list would be game development. We have a game that we're not even developing it. We're planning on developing it. But that's I would consider that to be a fun hobby, I think. That's what's going to sort of drive me in my 40s, I think. What kind of game? It's going to be like our attempt to combine Skyrim-type side quests, lore, RPG elements with Quake-like shooting gameplay. I've never played Quake. But it's part of a science fiction universe that we've been writing for like ten years called Joyride.

Joyride? So that would be the name of the world? Joyride universe is the name of the game. So you'd be going around Skyrim-style, killing giants and dragons, pissing off y'all, Balgrif? Yes. Okay.

Well, the actual plot line, are you familiar? Have you heard of the many worlds theory of quantum whatever the fuck? I can pretend to have. So the idea is that one of the ideas proposed ways of dealing with quantum weirdness is this idea called many worlds where at every possible moment in time, reality is like this cable of infinite thickness, and at every moment it branches off into a near infinitude of more nearly infinite cables of near infinite thickness. The reason why that's needed is because when a quantum

particle or whatever the fuck it's called, materializes into either a top spin or a bottom spin or a positive or a negative or whatever, supposedly an alternate universe is created where... This is retarded that I'm even talking about this. I'm in. Supposedly an alternate universe is created where everything is the exact same except that one particle, instead of being positive, is negative.

Yeah, you're talking about that experiment they do where they fire the particle and it hits both things. Is that multiverse theory or is that something different? It's the creating of, yeah, it's a multiverse. It's one way of like, yeah, this is a multiverse type thing. So my idea was that you've got the Big Bang is this singular moment at the beginning of all realities. So if you go into any of these different multiverses or universes in the multiverse,

you trace them back to the origin, and they all originate at the Big Bang. So what you have is if you had another spatial dimension to, like, reckon these things, you would have sort of a koosh ball. You'd have this center of nougat, of creamy nougat, which is the Big Bang. And then from that moment, radiating outwards, you would have... Yeah, the cookie crust. The cookie crust. You would have these like hairs of reality. Exactly. And so my idea was like, if there was an entity that could perceive the multiverse, if they had one extra spatial dimension and one extra time dimension, so they have the ability to reach into any reality.

reality. They view our version of, they view our time, that's to them as a spatial dimension. And then their time dimension is called steim. And steim is like movie time. So you know how in Back to the Future when he fucks up, he starts to watch his hand disappear?

Yeah. That should be instantaneous. But it's not instantaneous because you're watching it with steim. That's so true okay so so stein is the is the second dimension of time that these uh x the that these extra they manipulate time but the player can which is how you have any chance of fighting them in the first place um so it would. So it would take place in four different game universes. One would be a Skyrim-type universe,

but it's actually humanity so far ahead in the future that technology and magic are indistinguishable. So you've got these energy weapons, but the people, they're all retarded. They have an 85 IQ. They think the energy weapons are like magical lances. Like Warhammer 40K. Is that what Warhammer 40K is like? To a big extent. They have an 85 IQ. They think the energy weapons are like magical lances like Yeah, and they is that would warhammer 40 K's like to a big extent like like

Humanities like met its peak and then it's been on the decline for 10,000 years So they think of their high technology as magic and religious like God like oh, that's a yeah That's like didn't recreate it right same thing close. Yeah, they can't recreate Same thing so you've got these people with 85 iq saying shit like pour fire on him and there's and it's like some energy weapon or whatever and then uh so that's that's one universe then you have uh neo schneider which is a noir it's uh the the main plot line in that is there's this um it doesn't matter, never mind. And then there's like an 80s. No, that's like a mystery one where you're solving crimes. It's like a mystery one, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And then there's an 80s karate biker universe called Daytona. And then the last one is, well, what was the last one? What was the last one? Oh, two masks. Yeah, yeah. I've forgotten this because I don't work on this project every day. The last one is like a hyper-paused AIDS high-tech cyberpunk space colony. An AIDS space colony?

It's just like it's humanity at its most decadent and trivial. Tell him about bug hunters. Tell him about bug hunters okay tell them about bug hunters taylor he can work that into his game bug hunters wait what the game bug chasers that's what it is i already got bug chasers in there you've already got bug chasers in the game the main character is a bug chaser but only when he gets to don't worry don't, Kyle. We got mad bug chasers in there. Is there going to be like, can the bad guys like throw, instead of shields

they start taking prep? They're going to have, prep is an item that you can take to sort of boost your You can sort of boost your immune system with prep. Okay. Oh no, I'm on the decadent world and I just got

assaulted. I need to find a prep loot kit to make sure that I don't... And then it'll be like when you get sick and fall out. It'll be like, you have contracted AIDS. Yes. Then you have to, you know... I want one of those Doom-style representations of your health bar, and when it's bad, I want it to look like Tom

Hanks from Philadelphia. Right at the end. That's a good idea. Yeah, work on that one. Yeah, that sounds like just a baffling world to be involved in. So I can't wait for that. As long as the Skyrim world is vast and still has all those fun dungeons, I'm in.

Hopefully I won't fuck it up and ruin my life chasing an impossible project. No, that would be a shame. You'd always come up with your own like crypto coin, pump and dump and like, you're good to go. So you're always just kind of working on something. You're not, you don't sit down, watch movies,

not very much like that. Just always something you're interested in. I figure I'll do that. I have the energy now to be kind of hyper lateral and chasing after all these different goals goals so i'll do that now and then when i'm uh 60 and senile and dying of heart disease i'll watch uh gray's anatomy that's a good way to look at it yeah not the way i do i enjoy being a fucking bum i just there are there are very few shows i can like sit down and just enjoy anymore so i always find myself re-watching early

simpsons king of the hill shit like that where i've been watching king of the hill i that's what i watch when i eat dinner king of the hill rocks have you watched all through it i'm on season three right now oh you're in you're in the primo zone. I was like blackout drunk once a few years ago, and I like DM'd Mike Judge like, I just love your show. Didn't respond to me. I think he blocked me. Would that have really made your evening if Mike Judge had been like, thanks, Taylor. I like yours, too.

If he had said he'd seen our little retarded show, I would have lost. Because I fucking love King of the Hill. You'd be like, really? You'd have been like, no. Fuck you, you dumb shit. You stupid bitch. I hope you never watch another episode of my show

ever again. No, that show's great. You know they're bringing it back, right? The same way they're going to make a new Lord of the Rings show. I'm not holding my breath for it. Aren't they going to make Bobby an adult now? No. Look, I don't know anything about the development of the show.

I just know that Mike Judge is bringing King of the Hill back. As long as Mike Judge is very involved in it, it'll still be good. Because that guy's here. He's doing a Beavis butthead project right now though beavis and butthead was never good he should have put it all in king of the hill yeah i'll agree with you there it beavis and butthead was like the prototype for king of the hill in a lot of ways and adult like animation in general yeah that shitty like teacher from beavis and butthead kind of became hank in a way like yeah it's a tank the hank character's there just's there. I don't know. Prototypical

Hank Hill. Oh, go ahead, Kyle. No, I'm done. Game of Thrones, as all those things were coming out culturally, you were like don't care, don't know, not interested. I watched The American

Office. I've watched that a fuckload of times. There's certain things I go in for. I like the Lord of the Rings movies. Yeah, those are the best movies ever. I like some pop culture stuff, but I definitely don't go in too deep on many things. Fair enough. We started to talk about your upcoming fight, and then I guess we got off topic with boogie and wings and what do you got going on uh there's a fight that's gonna be damn it's gonna be crazy there's a it's the ksi undercard in london so it's gonna be seen by like fucking millions of people damn and i'm i'm gonna do my candy man character and i'm having a the suit So the person designing my costume for the Candyman character her main Job that she does is making

vests for service dogs That say things that have like embroidery on them. Do not yell. Yeah. Yeah, exactly So it's it looks it look it's the type of signage that looks very specific and crazy. When you see these signs, you know, okay, I'm dealing with some retarded person. So she's going to make an entire suit covered in threatening Hasan Piker, like all these different things. Let me look up, I actually have a Google document with the copy for different things um let me look up i actually have a google document with the copy for that so so let me yeah yeah and hasan who's a who's a very popular uh political

streamer for people who don't know yeah yeah he's my i'm trying to goad him into fighting me and i'm gonna uh when i when i beat this guy i'm gonna call him call him out. Call out Hasan in front of fucking 10 million people. So on my Candyman suit in the service dog embroidery, it's going to say, ignore limits, disregard safety, annihilate expectations.

Follow me for access to extreme illegal bestiality pornography. Take a stand. What is your religion? Who do you believe? Who did you vote for? Hassan Piker, I'm gay and I'm in love with you. Parentheses, obsession.

UK British stink tooth. Please stand back 300 feet. More honky, less tonk. Designed an apple by California. Please let me kill you. I've soiled me britches uh the malted menace crushes balls a sticky bomb abuse violate if you see me without my handler please take me to the potty and officially licensed marvel product punch a hot girl in the forehead.

I love to threaten and humiliate you. I punch women in the back. Suicidal is sweet. All caps. Hasan Piker is my gay crush. Good thing I'm obsessed with him and want to live inside him. See you soon. I'll shave my head first and bring a hammer and Vaseline some ting Wong bada boom bada

bing it's a Candyman thing dominate the weak and oppressed with your sweet style horny and frustrated don't know who to trust or how to bust. Muscle Museum. It goes on. I'll leave you guys alone with that, but there's pages of this stuff. She has to put all of that into the suit. That is so fucking funny. NASCAR style.

Punch hot women in the forehead. In the back. No, he punches women in the back. Punch hot women. The instructive one was punch hot women in the back no he punches he punches women in the back punch hot women the instructive one was punch hot women in the forehead my mistake which is an embarrassing place to punch someone that's great i'm waiting for you yeah who are you fighting like uh coming up though you want to call hasan out obviously like i'm clearly you want to fight hasan i'm fighting this guy uh who has 10 million TikTok followers

that I don't think any real human has ever heard of called Thompson. And his, I just linked his Instagram there if you want to check it out. His shtick is he plays the violin in front of twerking thoughts. It's the most retarded thing. No, I'm looking at it right now. That's all that he does? Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. He's literally playing the violin in front of, like, really big-ass tours.

Oh, he does what? Okay, the elephant picture I do like. I mean, it's a fucking elephant, and he's, like, scared because, what, the elephant's going to break his fancy violin? It's because of the elephant that I like it, not him. But, like, yeah. Is this guy big enough to be a challenge to you? This guy must be 65, right?

Wait a minute, Taylor. You like the elephant one? You didn't even notice that he's literally doing a duet with a chimpanzee just to the right there? I love that one. It's great. I like a monkey with pants on. I like a big ass. It's fit.

I haven't seen him shirtless yet. Look at your screen. Oh, maybe I have to show more posts. Oh, I'm looking at the PKA screen. The audience is wondering why you don't see it. Oh, well, that's why, because I was scrolling through his fucking Instagram account doing that. Okay, that guy's in tremendous shape.

You think he works out? That guy definitely works out. So you think you can take that guy? How tall is he? Is he 6'5 as well? I think he's 6'2, but I don't want to commit to that. That's what I heard from somebody else. Yeah, well, 6'2, just a small height.

You know, that's what your pretend height is for Lil' Ryder, I think. Well, I mean, the distinction is whether or not he can box. I't know yeah absolutely like it i was like what is this guy's background yeah yeah so you don't know if you can box the i-dubs thing so if people hadn't seen it sam hide boxed with i-dubs and i-dubs was like scared to throw a punch and you might look at it and be like, what a puss. Just, you know, man up and be your own. And, like, give it a go. I saw myself in iDubbbz's position, and it's like, Sam is going to hit you

as hard as you hit him. Be careful. I wouldn't have hit him that hard. I would have taken it easy on him. I would have been as scared as iDubbbz, I think. It would have been a real thing. I like to believe I would have manned up. I would have been as scared as I dumped. I think it would have been a real thing. I like to believe I would have manned up. I would have liked to believe like I see it.

You're right. Like I'm, I'm a huge fan of Sam's and if he brought me under a bridge to box with him, that would, that would be intimidating. I'd be like, okay,

well, I don't know how to play any sports, but ice hockey. So I don't know what to do here. I hope he doesn't punch me when I'm not looking. Like, that would be my fear. I would assume, like, someone new out of box could just be like, boom, like, just so quick, just bop me right in the forehead like a hot girl. Yes, yes.

Yes, yes. That needs to be your new thing. Like, the hot ones, guys guys make you eat hot wings. You just interview celebrities, box them under a dilapidated bridge in Rhode Island. I would like it to be only fought women. Well, that's a risky business there, Kyle. That could get you in some hot water. I mean, they would sign a waiver.

I'm not suggesting you attack women. I think it would still make me unpopular. It would make you undefeated. It would make me undefeated. Hey, now I'm sold. Pull a whole Andy Kaufman where you're like, I'm 150 and 0, and then go out and beat up a woman real quick.

Be like, 151 and 0. That's good shtick. I like that. I like the woman, the unapologetic woman beater character. Yeah. Just call yourself that. The woman beater. That works.

That's good. The woman trouncer or something. You could be a little less gauche than beater. I watched a guy KO this blonde chick that was scratching his face today. He just spun her onto the asphalt and hit her in the head, and she went into a whole seizure thing. And everybody was like, why? You never hit a girl. And I was, you're scratching his face.

Were they good scratches? I mean, I wouldn't have slammed her. I'd have ran away because I'm a felon and all. But I didn't blame him for slamming her that is true you have to look through the lens of felonhood every time something like that comes up some some you know some guy comes into a gas station starts making a scene you can't be the hero anymore i have to live my life out of there i have to live my life like a responsible black man i have to always look look look through things of the lens like, ah, I might not be judged evenly here,

so better just not even and just kind of leave the situation to itself. I hadn't thought about that, but you're right. I guess in my mind, once the probation was over, you were like, it's done, you're fine. But actually, they might look at you through a different lens. Oh, no, there's a country song. It's about a guy who went to prison, and he's like, I paid the debt I owed them, but they're still not satisfied.

Now I'm a branded man. Yeah, you know, in the future, if there's some kind of an altercation, right? Let's say I get in a fender bender, and the guy attacks me, and I beat him up. They're like, well, we've got a dangerous felon here. He spent some time in the Federal Slammer. And, we've got a dangerous felon here. He spent some time in the federal slammer. And then we've got Mr. Jacobs. I don't know him, but he never spent any time in federal prison. I know that. And he's

unconscious. Can't even speak for himself. That's true. And Mr. Jones doesn't have thousands of hours of him saying reprehensible things online. He's also not all jacked up on Mountain Dew like me over there. So it could be a bad optic I had something written down that I wanted to talk to Sam about or it's more of a Kyle Sam thing

really so Kyle used to be a used car salesman back in the day oh cool and Janet Reno here you were also a used car salesman for a bit like it's usually Nick Rochafort however you say it he's the one who is like the big car sales guy but you you did it as well right how long did you sell cars i did it under nick rochefort's wing he was my uh mentor in the car sales biz and i think i did it for like eight months but it was so it was so painful and torturous that i i really couldn't have done it any longer than that it was one of the the worst. I mean, I've never, it's probably, it's the worst job that I've had. What did you hate so much about it?

Yeah. Just that the people come in and they think they have license to do battle with you because they've watched, you know, the stereotypical car salesman thing and they know you're out to screw them over. the stereotypical car salesman thing, and they know you're out to screw them over. So they come in armored up for a confrontation without any other sort of preface. So they're just combative,

and that was not something you wanted to deal with. Yeah, yeah. Some, like, bull-dyke lesbian with a binder this thick full of information that she printed out from Edmund Edmunds dot com telling telling me she knows my tricks. I know your tricks. What a condescending beginning to a conversation.

Yeah I never liked trying to I never like trying to sell a car to a white woman like that. That was literally like the bottom tier customer was a white woman. Why not man? The man can be... More often than not, the man is more likely

to be able to whether you like it or not, pull the trigger today. I thought you'd say that. It might not even be the right thing for him to do like he may get cussed out tonight at home I've seen guys come in and be like the macho man and fucking pull that trigger and then like

the next day be trying to return the fucking car like you know like they got home and someone put the fucking foot down and I've seen women come in and pull the trigger too but more often than not I would much rather sell to like black people or brown people because they've usually got their shit together.

White women were annoying. They're there to do business, and they're not going to, like, some rich white woman will haggle over $15, and some Mexican guy will be like, I want to get on the road, yo. Let's do this thing. We're not talking about a $150,000 car here anyway, right? Not all the time. Yeah.

I can't imagine liking selling cars. It seems like it would be very stressful. Because you're right. Like, the combativeness of everyone walking in. Because, like, when I bought my car a few years ago, like, I went in with the thought of, like, these guys are going to try and take you for a ride. Like, be defensive. Like, don't agree like like when someone's like that when someone's like that just immediately disarm and be like look it sounds like you've done your research sir so let's just like you're going to get the best deal available the way it is we pay a certain price for the car we try not

to lose money when we sell one we'll show you the invoice how about How about on a $50,000 car we make $1,000? Does that seem fair? That's not a huge markup. And they're usually, like, cool. My salesman was a very cool guy. He was super chill. He was similar to that. It was the finance guy who wouldn't let me leave for, like, 40 minutes.

And he kept, like, giving me shit to sign where he had snuck a like a like an additional fucking insurance thing and i'd be like no no no i said no to this remember that from 40 seconds ago before you printed it i said no and then he like did it again i had to do it like three times telling him i don't want any additional shit and they like they they are skeevy as shit those finance guys he literally snuck it onto the contract if i hadn't read it and like the little line item i would have signed it and i would have owed an extra 60 a month or whatever the fuck that's why he gets paid so much yeah probably not 60 a month that's ridiculous but more than i want to pay yeah i mean if you don't sign something he's getting like a base pay on that on that deal most likely depending on if he made anything on the rate or

not um but uh so yeah i mean it's his job to sell it when i when i bought that motorcycle the uh well last year i was like she before she got started i was like listen i'm not gonna buy anything at all when i wreck this bitch it's wrecked like i don't care about wheels and tires and brakes and insurance and rock and damage i was like i promise you i don't want any of it just like basic bitch like let me sign oh yeah well i just i hated that guy trying to sneak something onto the contract because for a couple years out of college i worked at fucking enterprise and so many of my co-workers would just reduce the price throw on insurance to get their own sales numbers up and then like if i'm doing

fleet management returning it they're like i didn't pay this. And then it's like, you're right. I have to return that for you, like refund that for you. So you actually paid four dollars a day because that bitch Amy cheated again because she wanted to go home early. I fucking hated that. And so when someone tried to sneak something on my contract, it really pissed me off. Like I would I would do that, too. Like early on, I'd be like, hey, I got to get my numbers up. How about I give you roadside assistance and I lower your price six dollars a day. You're actually saving 40 cents. And they're like, yeah, that's

great. And I'm like, hell yeah, brother. Roadside assistance package, a little wrap for you. We called that the wrap package where you just straight up tell someone I am on the backseat of the struggle bus today. I'm giving you free roadside. When you go out to the lot, please just tell them, yes, I purchased purchased roadside like just say that and they're like oh that's great is this like an inside deal and i'm like yeah yes like when the inside deal insofar as it makes me not get yelled at by my fucking bitch boss we had to spoof our uh our customer reviews because it was a corporate store and reviews were such a big deal and it like 99 is a fail 99 is a fail it's gotta be 100 and i every time i sold a car

from you every time i sold a car i'd be like listen they want this this 100 so bad that we can get you free oil changes free car washes multiples of them you got a stain if you just come back and bring this thing to me they will give you anything you want short of like a new car like they would replace floor mats they'd detail your car fill it up with gas oil changes anything if you would just please please please come back and fill that motherfucker out and then yeah i would i would bribe them every time i would i'd be very open about that i was i was like i even if the customer's angry i'd be like look i know you didn't enjoy your experience today but let me tell you how I can bribe you to pretend to lie and say you did. Dude, I had the guy who sold me my car text me half a dozen times over the next two weeks after I bought it in like 2018 or whatever.

He's like, I really need that 10 from you, Taylor. Can I get that 10 from you? And I was like, yeah, you know what? I'll give you the 10. I go to give him a 10. I have to sign in with Facebook. So I have to make a Facebook account to give him a 10. And I was like, is there a way to do it without making a Facebook account?

And he was like, no. And I'm like, then I'm sorry, man. Like, I'm not making a Facebook to give you a 10. That's not going to happen. Oh, that's sad, man. He probably lost his job. Probably lost his job. Well, they should have had a fucking option to just click 10 stars.

I would have given him 5 out of 5, 10 out of 10, whatever. But I'm not making a Facebook for it. That's ridiculous. I don't like it when... I don't want to act like I'm a big shot. But my Facebook has a lot of people looking at it. And when they're like, Woody, we want you to click our business. It's like, for free but for you for kindness like people fucking look me up people like it

what is a big fucking deal right any little cashola yeah yeah i know you're like what it's it's almost like hey hey we want you to mention us on your podcast well i mean you can buy that yeah that for for money yeah if you give us money, we'll do that. But something else I wanted to ask, Sam. So you did this car sales thing for eight months. I think you're like Kyle's age, like 36. So clearly you had other jobs before you got into the entertainment field. What did you do?

What were your first jobs that you hated so much you you left and pursued this i did uh sports marketing graphics for stadiums what does that mean like go cardinals or something yes it sucked i did um graphics at a motion graphics place that did stuff for like discovery channel and fucking national geographic and that sucked and i did uh i briefly worked at an aluminum shaving i don't even it's like a metal working place i worked there for one day it was uh the worst that was probably the worst job so during the years when you're working at the metal shaving place. No, the day. The day. Okay. And like selling cars and making graphic designs.

Like what are you wanting to be doing during that time? Like you've got a very unique brand of humor. Who are your influences? Like who is it that you thought was funny growing up that maybe you took a little bit from? I don't think I had any crazy, like, ambitions to be famous or anything. I think I was just so dissatisfied with all the other options. And I've sent, I think I've sent my resume, I've sent probably like a thousand resume emails. That was the most humiliating process ever. emails that was the most humiliating process ever like directly after exiting college and sending my resume out a thousand times and having like my dad give me pep talks about how like how this

process like what a great process this is are you shaking their hand yeah yeah a firm handshake look him in the eyes that's everything um no uh So I just, everything else was bullshit, so I became a YouTuber. That's really all I was doing. Well, people are making a bunch of retarded nonsense on Kickstarter. I can do that. And it wasn't even like I want to be, I'm going to be the next guy. It was just like I fucking hate all this other shit. I got to just make a YouTube video and get famous.

And influences, it's hard for me to say not tim and eric because i i never i never like binge watched tim and eric like i was aware of their their style and everything and it probably probably subconsciously seeped in uh but i was never like oh this is the most amazing shit i've ever seen. I definitely had that feeling for wonder shows. And though you ever seen wonder shows, wonder shows and really like warped my world. And kind of, I think that might be, that was pretty big.

That's pretty big influence. Um, and then there's this other program called liquid television. You remember liquid television? I remember it, but I never watched it. It wasn't really a comedy specifically. It was just the idea of this kind of like the variety of it.

It was kind of like neon signs in Tokyo or something. Like that level of variety and intensity made me feel like I was watching the movie Hackers or something. So Liquid Television was a big influence also just aesthetically and like variety wise that makes sense the wonder shows and one sticks out to me that makes sense as an influence there was i remember watching that like in high school at like a friend's house like just sleeping over and like seeing the like little seven-year-old kid like walk up to an investment banker and be like when we revolt where will you hide and then like and then like interviewing him like that i remember being like like losing my

shit laughing being i didn't know like that kind of comedy was out there yeah it was so funny that was very novel back in the day too like there's now now there's all the type of like on the street prank stuff on youtube and all that stuff whatever but back back then wonder shows and was like the only uh it like the only uh it was the only thing like it like there was nothing there was nothing else like it so that's why it was so special I think at that moment they would like dress little kids up as Nazis and have them interview people on the street just to make people as uncomfortable as possible like that's what it was make people uncomfortable. The comedy is their inability to

understand what is happening right now. Why the fuck is this little kid dressed like Hitler asking me offensive questions? That would make my day. If I was just at the gym and little Hitler fucking sauntered up to me with a

microphone and he's got the news channel microphone with the little box below the mic head and it's got a swastika on it he's just like shooting the shit asking me my opinions about like real you know relevant political stuff and like not talking about the fact that he's dressed up little hitler i'd make my fucking day i'd make my day i'd love it i I'd give him a little half salute as he left and everything. That's a damn shame that show went off, Wonder shows, and too early. That was like fucking 15 years ago that was popular now probably. Crazy how long as you age, like shit happens.

And 15 years ago is a long time. Anyone who remembers stuff from 15 years ago is not that young. My insurance company today, I got a weird letter from the DMV, had to talk to them, and they thanked me for 30 years of patronage. I'm like, the fuck? You might need to see if there's a better deal out there.

That ruined my day, getting thanked by the DMV. Oh, the insurance company. Yeah, yeah. That's rough. I hate the DMV. Oh, the insurance company. Yeah, yeah. That's rough. I hate the DMV. Nothing stresses me out more than going and hanging out with those incompetent retards that make the easiest things complex.

You can bring in fucking... I swear to God I've gone in to get shit renewed and I've had everything and the bitch has made something else up that I have to leave because she's about to go on break. Two DMV issues right now. One is I don't have insurance on my motorcycle has made something else up that i have to like leave because she's about to go on break two dmv issues right now one is i don't have insurance on my motorcycle motorcycle but i do i had to call my

insurance company had them send proof that's what i did just talking about and the other is um i like haven't paid property tax on a bike that i have sold to a dealer who you'd think would have done the paperwork and such and i turned in that license plate. And it's like, bro, I don't have this bike. Of course I haven't paid property tax. Yeah. Oh, I... I had this car that... I think DMV is probably the right time

for me to escape here. Yeah, it's alright. Blame me. It's honest. I'm not bored or anything. I gotta eat some food, though, because I'm kind of crashing, and I did a pretty strenuous workout today, so I got to get some get some hustle. You're good Thank you so much for coming on man. It's your house. Thank you there. Love you guys for having me Yeah, I'd love to have you on again. Sometimes it was great. It's good to get in a little more Yeah, very nice talking to you guys. Is there anything you want to push pimp?

Oh, yeah m.tv sign up today chump get in there give me your money all right mde.tv yeah yeah all right thank you guys again thanks janet thanks sam peace see ya all right he was great fun i fucking love sam such a fucking funny dude yeah i enjoyed uh i've been he's like i've said it before like he's like not as big of a deal as like anthony to me like anthony like i idolized in his like comedy like to be like him but like sam is another guy that i've watched for so long it was like when chiz was like oh yeah sam's on this week i was like oh really oh i can't wait for Thursday night. I can't wait.

I want to talk to him. I want to ask him questions. I want to see what kind of guy he is. Somebody new for 600 who's a big deal. And he was good. I wasn't sure what side of Sam I would get. I didn't want him to do to me what he did to iDubbbz. Yeah, yeah.

Like there was some genuine fear. Like at the very beginning he was uh he was typing something um and he was tight for a long time and i thought it was a bit i thought that he was gonna fuck with us by typing super loudly continuously and i was like oh no but he was just sending like like some information that we had asked for and i was like oh okay so he's gonna be like normal sam we're we're not getting officer maggot tonight we're no i did i did think it was funny when he ate chips on the show and intentionally loudly that made me laugh yeah yeah that was great i i enjoyed it it was uh it was cool no it was cool to uh like see that side of him because i don't

think i've ever seen that side of him not that i I scour the... And I'm sure he's given little glimpses, but I've never seen him talk at length about normal shit. Certainly not... I don't know, normal shit. Yeah, no, I totally agree. That was what I was hoping having him on would be, getting some sincerity and getting to know him a little better. Because I'm a big fan of his.

I think he's hilarious. You think I can get into any trouble for like shooting solicitors with like a water gun no a water like like what if i had like the most pimp super soaker that they make and then the next time one of these like orcan men or uh like vinyl sighting salesman guys like knocks on my door even though there's multiple signs saying keep out um like can i just like hit them with the super soaker start soaking them down i bet you could then like laugh and go back inside like can they do anything is there any recourse for them is that counted as like assault spraying someone with a water gun

i don't know that's what i'm asking oh well then i'm not one the one i could i could get in a second one of my second floor windows and it's got a good like perch if you will a very lee harvey oswald ish right above the doorway but you know what you could do up there you have a potted plant up there it's just trying to get some sun you're just trying to give it some sun if it were to fall out at an inopportune time, I don't think anyone could say that was intentional. We're not going to go into all that, but give them a good soaking. Or a water balloon. You don't want to shatter ceramic over their head on your front porch?

No, probably not. I mean, I do. I just think you're really risking some sort of legal action then. I'm just wondering if you can get any trouble for shooting somebody with a water gun. I don't think so. You'd have to be a real bitch to make an assault charge about a water gun thing. Yeah. I think I'm going to buy a super soaker then and next time that they

knock, I'm going to literally do what I just described and go up to the second floor and hit them with a super soaker. And that's going to be the time when it's actually someone who needs me and it's not the Orkin man. Kyle! You're just so skinny down there yeah just shooting the ear um no i hate the fucking orcan man um i've got so many signs outside that say like keep out and like no soliciting and and stay off and get the fuck away and he's just like ding dong dong, ding dong, ding dong. Hey! What a bitch. What an asshole.

What are you doing here? I was like, there's signs. I do have a pest problem. The Orkin man keeps bothering me. He's pestering me. Can you take care of him? I've got another, the last Orkin guy's still in the basement. Can you take care of that? Can you kill him

and drag his body out? I refused to shake his hand right away. And he just kept holding it out there. And I was just like, no. I was like, what do you want? What do you want? I have to ask him three times because he's trying to go through introductions. And I'm like, you've rang the doorbell at noon.

What the fuck do you want? Pretend to be deaf, man. I'm like, do you not see the signs? They say keep away. He's like, yeah, your neighbor has those too, but I talked to them and they've got a huge pest problem over there. They said, I'm like, I don't care if they've got

pests. I don't care. I don't. I really don't. I don't have any fucking pests. I don't blame you. I was thinking of getting one of those signs that says, like, baby sleeping, don't ring doorbell. Just don't ring the doorbell. Maybe I'll disable it. Yeah, I would like that, too.

Every time I get delivery, I put in the notes, please don't ring the doorbell. And often they do. Because you're dogs, right? Yeah, because my dogs are little babies. They go into panic mode. Yeah. They think it's a dire threat to their immediate safety every time someone comes to the door i've got those uh i've

got leds throughout the house that are kind of hooked up through like an alexa system i wonder if i could make the doorbell like just pulsate all my leds like like like to let me know someone's the door i don't want a fucking ding dong anymore it scares me you should get a can you just like open it up and snip the wire i'm sure i could silence it i mean i could bash it and it would it would just bash it have you ever done that to like a chirpy uh uh smoke detector in the night like like you've just had enough it's cheap cheap like every every every 25 seconds it goes off and you don't have any batteries and there's no way to like, like it's plugged into the ceiling

for some reason. At my last house I literally smashed it. I smashed it apart. I hope the buyers don't mind. They didn't give a shit. I was like, oh, there's no smoke detector here. And they were like, eh.

I couldn't take it. I was so fucking angry at that there's no smoke detector here. And they're like, eh. Eh, who cares? I couldn't take it. I was so fucking angry at that goddamn chirping. It's like the episode of It's Always Sunny when they move out of the suburbs. I've been hearing it the entire goddamn time. Yeah, it's a good episode. So before we move on to the next thing, we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors. This episode is brought to you by Lucy. Lucy Nicotine is a company founded by Caltech scientists and former smokers looking for a better and cleaner nicotine alternative.

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the other day they came with the shirts. Yes. Yeah. And I like them. These are quality shirts. I was expecting like kind of the crappy, you know, like rough ones that we get for free. It's a very nice shirt.

And it's kind of, it's a funny logo, so I don't mind wearing it. I'll say this. These are really potent gummies. They're a hundred milligrams each. And I don't know. They're the main thing.

I'll do the the read first and then oh yeah like we're gonna have to prep people on how fucking strong their shit is yeah uh this episode is brought to you by death by gummy bears.com death by gummy bears.com are you or a loved one sick of mediocre or even bad thc alternatives i know i am well we've got great news for you death byBears.com has you covered. Death By Gummy Bears was founded by a group of passionate professionals who were sick and tired of low quality Delta 8 products that are spray coated and very often incorrectly dosed. That's a huge problem out there. That's why Death By Gummy Bears had the boys in the lab cook up a

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We come back with PKA20. Yeah, that's right. PKA20, 20% off your order. Once again, that is deathbygummybears.com. Code PKA20 for 20% off your order of delicious and powerful gummy bears. And I have to give like a true addendum on this to people. I'm not memeing for the show we are not joking these are the strongest delta 8 gummy bears available to anyone i would imagine because and like this i hope so

just a little diaz can't do this shit this it's unbelievable there's 10 in each so a thousand milligrams 10 gummies in each package and And this, so just like an example, I have taken a decent amount of Delta eight in my day. And if you're out there and you've been getting this crap from gas stations and head shops, you may get a pouch like I did at Myrtle beach that says, Oh, this whole pouch, it's got 400 milligrams in it. I ate that whole pouch and just got semi pretty high. Do not think that because you can eat 100 milligrams of gas station shit that you should start with 100 milligrams of this. I'm not joking. It's much stronger. It's accurately dosed. And so be, you know, start if you're if you're someone who has

like a high weed tolerance, high Delta A tolerance, you know what you're doing. I'm not going to insult you by telling you what to do. If you are someone who's brand new and you're thinking, hey, you know what? Nighttime's coming around. I'd love to get a nice relaxing buzz, maybe make that show funnier, maybe make this book better, maybe make this game more fun. But what am I going to do? Have a couple beers, get hung over, get the calories? No, no. I'm going to take a little bit of this edible, feel like a million bucks, and tomorrow morning, I'm going to take a little bit of this edible, feel like a million bucks, and tomorrow morning I'm going to feel like another million bucks because I'm not hungover. I'm feeling prime.

I'm feeling good, and you still got your nice little end of the night pause. That's what will happen if you eat the appropriate amount. If you eat the appropriate amount. Don't go overboard. I started with three. That's too much. I started with three because I literally thought that these were like gas station gummies, like everything else I've ever had.

And I ended up having like a borderline panic attack where the only way I could keep myself from vomiting was to lay naked in my bed with like the fan on. And like I had like thrown cold water on my face and on my chest. And like the fan like evaporated, you know, blowing on that cold water was like, I don't know, that felt really good. Because for at least an hour and a half, I don't know, that felt really good. Because for at least an hour and a half, I laid there and my hands were numb.

My hands had gone numb and tingly, like they were going to sleep. And I was just like, oh my fucking God, who are these people that Taylor has allowed to drug me? I was like, this shit is so fucking strong and then like very high quality like a week or two later i was like two i can handle two and i think what i've been doing is like taking these nibbles to like accurately get my and maybe i forgot and had like instead of eating like two whole ones i tried to like get a hand a double handful of nibbles the things that had been left over from multiple nibbles and i still overdosed again and had another like oh no what have i done like cold water in my face that's that's exactly what i'm talking about this shit is strong it is potent

like literally with my wife like or friends of ours who don't do this stuff like i tell them like they're like people who like they might be like i would like't do this stuff, I tell them, they're like, people who, they might be like, I would like to try this stuff. I'm interested, but I'm kind of intimidated by the dosage of it. What I tell that person is, you're not going to feel silly.

You're not doing anything ridiculous. One foot. Start with one foot of the gummy bear. Not from the waist down, not from the knees down, not both feet. Start with one foot because what's going to happen is that's going to, that's a tiny piece. That's going to be like five milligrams, like that tiny amount. That's like my dose.

Yeah. And so that way someone can take it and be like, oh, you know what? An hour, they wait an hour or two and they go, you know what? I'm very comfortable. This is where I want to be. Or they go, you know what? That little five milligram foot I just had or whatever it is, that wasn't quite enough. Now I know I can have a little more than that. So just, and if you're someone who can get high off of a foot of one of these, this is going to last you months. This is going to last you months and months and months, probably the most part of a year, a thousand milligrams and 20% off. It's $40 on their website, website 20 off yeah now you're paying like 30 bucks for this thing that's it's a great deal yeah i there's more in there and it's 20 off it's a deal yep it's a great deal but don't be smart about it by the way click on the link give us some uh metrics and stuff to make

make them happy yes click on the link buy the product PKA 20. It's a new sponsor. And I really hope that they, they get a good response and that they want to stay with us because I, I enjoy getting, getting shipments of these delicious potent gummies from them. Yeah. They have other products that we can't push yet, but they're not available, but there's a lot coming. There's a bunch of stuff they're going to make a lot of stuff. Yeah. Like, like, like it's not just the gummies. It's, it's a lot of cool stuff, but, but the gummies are the thing that I've been predominantly using. I think right now two gummies is my dose, and it gets me really –

like I don't take that willy-nilly. It's like maybe at 8 p.m. I'll take two because they're going to kick in by 10, and then I watch a movie and just pass the fuck out. Yeah, and Kyle has a very high tolerance. Do not start with two. Do not start with one unless you have a very high tolerance. Do not start with two. Do not start with one unless you have a very high tolerance. Go into it slowly because it's pretty good. Oh,

they taste great. I had him send me an advertisement of the birthday cake ones, which usually I'm not as into like the goofy flavors of gummy bears. It tastes exactly like, like a sugar cookie. I love it. So these ones and the key line, those are the,

those are the top two tiers. I'm giddy. I'm happy when this guy shout out to Cy, when he reached out to me on Twitter, he was like, we're a Delta eight company. And like my initial reaction was like, I'm worried this is going to be like bullshit gas station quality stuff. And he was like telling me, he's like, Hey, I understand like this whole industry. Like, you know, they, they undervalue their own edibles. They'll say there's 30 milligrams in there and there's five or something. But don't do that for mine.

Trust me. Like, it's real. And then, like, it arrived and I was like, I bet took a couple of those. Blast off. Just absolutely cooked on the couch, just sitting there watching hockey. It was great. It was great. So we won't talk about it anymore.

Deathbygummybears.com. Check that out. New sponsor. I hope won't talk about it anymore. DeathByGummyBears.com. Check that out. New sponsor. I hope you guys really enjoy it. And obviously, if you're in like Colorado, California, not available to you. Sorry. Womp womp. It's only available in the non-legal states, I believe.

Yep. Yep. And of course, Lock and Load, you're the best company in the world. And Lock and Load, come like a man. Oh, just rivers of it. Look at the woman being thrown by the blast of that come. Beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. I don't think I've told

my mom about the come pills yet. My dad knows. I told mine. My dad knows knows and it was a little awkward explaining to him what they did it was like you know that when the man comes you know there's more of it and uh and he was like huh does it work i was like yep it does and people buy it they do i might want some like nope no dude no all my moto friends everyone i talked to i i told a van full of paragliding people in mexico i told a trail full of moto friends all of them are asking for samples every single person would like to have more come i i don't know i can't imagine anyone who would want smaller loads like i know in Greek times... No, I don't want any more siblings.

No, I know in Greek times, you see those statues of the guys all have those tiny penises. And I've read or I've heard historians say that at that time, a large penis was considered to be like an oafish quality. Like you would think that a guy with a big dick was a dummy or something or like a barbarian or someone who was crude i i don't think there's ever been a time where a small load was a good thing though i think even like in olden times they respected a man with a large

powerful load yeah what when you guys first talked about it before we even sold the product i didn't think that it was like a desirable thing now i do now not only do i i am almost fearful of being a regular person again like i don't want to downgrade i don't want to i want to come like a no it's not cool stupid you want to be shooting natural loads yeah no like once you're jacked in in the come arena then you don't want to like go back like i think your next thing is going to be tanning like i think you should get real tan like you know those guys love like a bodybuilder stage like those guys in miami who like who just gets so dark like like like you're already jacked right like like you've got you've got all these hobbies like like you're showing off your body like i feel like you need to get like real tan like real tan

well i have a thing yesterday was a neat day for me i got my braces off so i finished with the braces i kept so i got invisalign braces if people don't know and um basically you wear these trays i have them in front of me and i'll go full screen in a second yeah we are well you wear these trays you put them on and you wear them a lot like 22 hours a day but it's cool because you can take them off and not have braces for a minute there are some brackets on your teeth in my case i was like top front four teeth off limits to you. I do a show and I'll get roasted too much. So like these

are the lowers and you can kind of see like this is my last one. This perfect arch of goodness. And this is my first one. I started right and progress. What an, Jesus. This is where I started, right? Real progress.

What an improvement, Mongo. This is the top save sort of thing. My tops were never that bad. Like the tops weren't the reason. Zach? Nice. There you go. The tops weren't the reason, but you could see I had like a little bit of snaggletooth.

That's not bad at all. That's a lot of teeth you got. Oh, I guess that little one right there. Yeah, yeah. And this bottom one is my perfect one. Oops, I'm out of focus. But yeah, so I got my braces off, and it feels really good. Your lower teeth look tremendous.

I know you were self-conscious about that snaggle. Looks good. Looks like a perfect bite. Yeah, and they fit well together. And in my opinion, they were perfect like a year ago yeah and and they they fit well together and and in my opinion they were perfect like a year ago it took 22 months they told me okay they always do that shit that you're right verbally they told me 12 to 15 and how and i heard 12 right i'm like 12 months fucking sign me up in 12 months i'm gonna have that's not that big a deal these trays you take them off no big deal and then when like the contract came to me it changed from 12 to 15 to 15 to 18 so i heard 15

yeah aha and then you know i'm talking to him and i was like god this is taking forever it was 22 months 22 months i heard 12 it was actually 22 months to wear these things. But it's not the end of the world. Most people don't notice. I've literally had sex with them in. She didn't know. People don't see it. I've done Twitch streams where no one noticed.

I've never done a PKA. I always take them out. But if you go to a party that night or something, you can just not have braces i had some brackets but they weren't in the front so no one really noticed or saw them and now it's done and i'm i don't know i'm just kind of psyched to not have my braces in anytime i wasn't wearing when you wear braces 22 hours a day that's basically anytime you're not actively eating and if they're not two hours a day then you know you're not actively eating and if they're not two hours a day then you know you're fucking up if you're if you're if they're not wearing them then you know you're fucking up it's like being

in school and knowing that you're supposed to be working on a project or something and uh now i'm just walking around all day with no braces like I'm not even supposed to. Fuck yeah. What's next? LASIK? Your eyes aren't even bad enough for LASIK. They are. They are. My eyes suck. I dropped the computer on my eye yesterday.

Do LASIK. See if you have thin corneas or not. And if you don't have thin corneas, you're in. I asked my eye doctor and she said that for the problem I have, LASIK's not a fit. Maybe. I don't know. If another eye doctor would give me a different opinion or what's up.

Shit, what should I do next? Drop some body fat. Add muscles. I got my teeth straightened. Do I need more hair? Nah, you're pretty good there. Get some sort of ridiculous plastic surgery. That's something you don't need. Get one of those.

Get a cleft in your chin dude that'd be cool that's a fucking move that's some real alpha male shit get that Gaston little curly Q get like an aesthetic eye patch

like a one that would make you look hardcore I think they should make a techie eyepatch where you're getting all sorts of information on the inside of there. You know why they wore eyepatches the pirates did back in the day? That's not true.

Wait, it's not? No. You don't know what I'm going to say. They would have an eyepatch on, and then when they had to go down in the hold, they could lift their eyepatch up, and they were already acclimated to the dark. I talked to a pirate historian.

That's not true. No, I watched the whole thing with a pirate historian, and he was like, he called bullshit on that. I talked to an actual pirate. I do believe you. Yeah. Yeah, I believe Woody, too. I know a...

He talked to a Mogadishu pilot, like one of those black guys. Like, you're looking for a guy. No, it was from when I was young. It was in the 15 years. No, I'm interested in blunderbuss pirates, not AK-47 pirates. Yeah, it was when I was little. That was it. I lived in the Caribbean as a

child in the 1700s. Would that have been a fun life? Also made up? No. Would being a pirate have been a fun life, do you think? Or pretty horrible? Not a Somali pirate, again, like the fancy frills kind. A Somali pirate again like the fancy frills kind a Somali pirate has more fun than the old timey pirate

there's no way they're in like fucking fishing boats yeah but then they go home to like 21st century technology in their hut or whatever you think that's what's happening in Somalia that they're going home and charging their iPads you think a 15th century pirate is going anywhere but a filthy hut

Somalia and 15th century Spain have about the same number of iPads. There's just no fucking way. Like, Somalia is like a failed state. Like, it doesn't even have a government. Like, that's why it's so terrible. I think the pirates are better off than everybody else. I'd rather be a Somali pirate than a Caribbean pirate. I don't know those movies

made it seem fun it's a disney film with johnny yeah anyway uh it doesn't mean it's wrong i'm pretty sure the eye patch thing is uh like hollywood schlock um so it's walking the plank uh the the parrots no the hollywood the hollywood part of eye patches was because all the pirates were missing eyes from battle i don't remember in hollywood them ever being like it was because of a darkness but also that's like getting rid of all of your depth perception for needing to maybe go get some grog from the cellar seems like a bad trade-off yeah i don't know just close your eyes for 15 seconds before you go down there yeah or maybe i i think what what i had heard that it was and again i don't think this is true is like if you're boarding the pirate ship and

you're you're going to invent you're invading and you're going to go down below decks and start fighting so you need to be able to adjust quickly to be like yeah it's not about like going to grab a tank of ale it's like i'm gonna go down there and fight a guy to the death i should i should be able to see him right away but i don't think that works exactly like that or at least that's what I watch a bunch of those YouTube uh videos that's like I don't know artist reacts to painters in movies or like oh yeah race car driver reacts to racing climbers yeah mountain climbers cop reacts to unarmed shooting he's like see he should have shot him more as you can see here he completely missed his opportunity to shoot the wife as well look at that dangerous school of fish over to the left in the pond yeah um no i like those

channels a lot there's a bunch of them there's like a bunch of different uh channels that are doing it with everything you can imagine and i usually don't like the ones that some like special forces guy judging a movie about like military stuff because they have no like i would give it a one out of ten because you know we would never do that with this and that it's like dude i think they're just doing it because it looked cool like some of them don't have any sense of humor or like sense of like hey that's a movie to entertain people like like you know it doesn't have any sense of humor or sense of, hey, that's a movie to entertain people. It doesn't have to be an accurate representation.

But sometimes I really like those. It's pretty educational. I like the ones when they've got some historical expert and he's looking at Gladiator or something. There was a Roman Legion expert that watched Gladiator and he was just sucking its dick so hard. Really? He was like, this is correct this is good yeah he liked like every he gave it like a nine out of ten or something for really like the costumes and the tactics and all that stuff so he was like this is like the actual kind of matchups you would see in ancient rome oh he wasn't talking about the gladiatorial part as much as he was talking about the costumes the weaponry and that scene in the beginning where

they're fighting like some Germanic tribe. That's one of the best scenes of the whole movie. It is, really. They have a legion face-off, shield and spear with a flanking cavalry with Maximus leading the charge. Apparently, there was a general called Maximus.

I guess it's loosely based upon, of course, he didn't become a slave or fight. That was a common Roman name. So there were probably a million Maxes. Dude, it's a cool fucking name though, right? Maximus? That is a cool one. Maximus?

You sound like you're a fucking superhero right off the bat. Man, we dropped the ball when we switched to Maximilian over that. Maximilian is cool. Maximilian over that. Maximilian is cool. But everybody who's named Max is named Maxwell or Maximilian. Are there any other Maxes? I would be Maximum.

Maximum? Yeah. That's good. That's like a rapper's name. That's Maximum Jones you're talking to. See? I do like Maximum. I was trying to one-up it. You chose the top name. You did it. Yeah,? I do like Maximum. I was trying to one-up it.

You chose the top name. You did it. Yeah, that's it. Maximum. And then you could have a sidekick called Min. That's Maxi Pad Min. No, Minimum. She hates it.

Kyle, I was looking today. Your Braves are unstoppable. I think they're 15 and 0 in a row look the Mets are strong um and uh and it's it I don't know it's it's real early in the year we'll see uh the postseason's all that matters like like I don't even like games like this it'd be fun to go watch a lazy game let down at the field I can't get them on tv i'm always it's always blacked out it's super annoying you should just go i bet you'd have fun yeah i think i'm gonna go um i don't live very far from the stadium at all and they're fairly cheap like i just want to go and hang out on it next time there's like a cool day it's not like blazing hot like it's been like 90s here and human i think i'm gonna go catch a game because it fuck they're the champs and

they're good and i cannot wait for the postseason i might try to watch'm going to go catch a game. Fuck, they're the champs, and they're good. I cannot wait for the postseason. I might try to go to a postseason game if that happens. You should. That'd be fun. I haven't been to a baseball game in probably... Actually, no. I went to one about four years ago, and that's been it.

Do you break their winning streak while they blame you? I feel like you'd be responsible. I wouldn't give a shit. How many did they win in a row? 12, 13? I was wrong. wrong for 14 in a row right 14 wins in a row kyle goes to a game and they lose don't act like that's not causation yeah correlation correlation equals causation that class house case yes yes yeah i i have no belief in that sort of luck or anything that thing where like guys will like wear the same wear the jerseys or like not wash their socks or any of that shit like sports fans i'm talking about like if you're on a team

i could see like wanting to be in the same groove that has served us so well like hey let's not upset the balance that we've clearly stricken i know we're not scoring because we're all wearing nike socks and we're all eating chili dogs before the game. But that's how things have been going so far. So let's just keep wearing the socks, keep eating the chili dogs. Let's keep getting those wins. I can see getting into that mindset. But as a fan at home.

Athletes get those weird superstitions in every sport. I imagine a sport like golf probably has the most because it's so like like they probably like eat the same breakfast and all that like in hockey like alexander ovechkin eats chicken parm before every meal and wayne gretzky between every period would eat a hot dog with a shit ton of mustard and a diet coke his entire career between every every game he ate two hot dogs and two large diet cokes in between and And you just know that coaches were like, Wayne, maybe a little water or something. And he was like, go fuck yourself. I'm the best that's ever been.

Yeah, I don't think that his issue is going to be dehydration out there because he had a Diet Coke. I don't know how Diet Coke is so much worse than water. Ovechkin, he doesn't drink water out of those Gatorade bottles. He has his own, and it has Coke in it because he likes the sugar while he's playing. That's actually kind of cool. Yeah.

If you're a professional athlete, you can drink whatever the fuck you want at that point. You work that hard. If you run on pure glucose to be like the best, then do it. I want to see more athletes with their shirt off god i'm always the gay one but like i want to know what peak performance looks like right like that guy we saw who's gonna fight um sam hyde looks really good but is that what performance looks like i bet ovechkin carries a little more fat than that guy okay taylor might know yeah but i bet like all

those guys like it's very rare for someone to have any vascularity on their pecs or deltoids. I think peak performance is just a little more fat than, say, a UFC fighter, which is a weight class-based fighter. Ovechkin is 6'3", 240 pounds. I think it's one of those things where, like... No, 240, that's a heavy NHL player.

Usually they dedicate a lot more to speed, but he's just so big and tough and he's just a Russian phenom. Like he's one of a kind. I'm sure there's like speedy guys that have like abs in the NHL, but I'm sure there's cruisers that have bellies. You know, just different positions and use cases. Look at those guys in the NFL that are are like clearly like aesthetically they're 80 pounds overweight but for their position it's like dude i need to be hauling 80 if i could

throw 30 more on my back i would like they want to be big and heavy and care every play my part of the play lasts six seconds you know so i just thrust this body fat into the guy in front of me and then rest my job is to not be moved and and i'm good at not being moved yeah that makes sense i i know taylor hates superhero movies but like the rock is getting his own superhero movie called black adam that uh that looks pretty good preview yeah i actually did like there's a there's a part where like uh i can't remember who's who he's talking to but the guy's like like like you're a superhero we don't kill and he's like i do and they just like straight up kills the guy like um so so i could i'm always down for

that kind of hero i'd be good with this is black black adam i feel like he was in like that injustice game is he an older hero this is a new thing a new thing. I mean, he's not a new made-up superhero. God knows when they invented him, probably the 60s or 70s. I do not like his outfit, I'll say. You don't like the green? No. I don't like the green. I don't like the way the lightning bolt's kind of

fucked up. I don't like how much trap is showing. It looks very feminine. I think he's like mid-battle. I will admit there's an awful lot of trap showing. That's too much trap showing. And why is it so tapered in the neck? Like he's a fine Victorian lady. That's an odd neckline that they've chosen. It is.

And that's not just me, right? I like that. That is a weird neckline. I like his belt though, right? I do like his belt. I like the gauntlets more than anything. I was about to say those gauntlets are... I like when they have disparate... I like when the gauntlets more than anything. I was about to say those gauntlets are...

I like when they have disparate... I like when the gauntlets have disparate armor on them. You don't like his body? That guy's so hot. He has one of the flaws that I see in myself, which is a wide waist. And I get that. He's big, he's strong,

he's probably really good at picking shit up. But I don't know. He's just thick in the middle he does like evander holyfield had a much better physique i i think that's crazy he looks tremendous like he's that is a dream physique like just being fucking huge and having your beautiful neck scooped out with a victorian style and like that's that's what you want. I think that part of him, his body looks great. What are his powers? Does he need armor? He's like Superman adjacent, isn't he?

Yeah, he's like super OP. That even makes it worse because it means that everything he's wearing is aesthetic so it could look like anything. Or magical, I can't remember. I wonder what the rock is going to look like in like 10, 20 years. How much longer is he going to live?

Isn't he like 50? Yeah, he's like 50. He has 10 years tops. Yeah, his heart's going to pop when he's like 57. I think, see, Schwarzenegger, we can get rid of the image now. I've stared at him too long. I think Schwarzenegger kind of went downhill

with his physique after the heart thing. I think he just couldn't. He kind of bounced back. Am I crazy? Am I wrong? He absolutely did. He's probably on a normal very low dose of TRT whereas back in the day he was fucking just blasting.

He was doing all the steroids. D-ball. He always here with him. Yeah. Deanna ball. I think he used instead of testosterone. Like, I think he used Deanna ball and Deca. Um,

like, I think he replaced the test with, um, Deanna ball. I thought you always added the test or maybe. I think this is an old school thing, uh, that maybe isn't done anymore.

Um, I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure that's accurate. But yeah, he got fucking gargantuan. But then he lost it. He never got back to being colossal again. But I wonder what The Rock's going to do. Because his trajectory, not only as a celebrity,

but as a mass of human, have both been pretty steady. He's been getting bigger every year since i've i've known that he existed i remember like watching him wrestle when i was like 13 or 14 or 15 not i i thought wrestling was white trash i always have but like i'd catch it at like people's houses and shit and uh okay that guy cool because he was funny he had he he was he was one of the best people in the mic in the WWE or whatever. But then following his career, I think in early

2000s, like 2005. That can't be unphotoshopped. That's an absurd photo. Those are both shopped. These are the worst. These are like deep fried memes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's the one on the left is so funny

um anyway uh god i lost my train of thought after that uh you watched him in wrestling and we're talking about him getting bigger every year oh yeah i hit the first movie i saw him in that i thought oh this guy's a good actor or at least like good enough to be an actor and not like a freak show. Like, like, uh, was walking tall. Did you ever see that movie? Walking tall. Uh,

the Johnny Cash movie, right? Johnny Cash. Do you mean Johnny Knoxville? Oh, I thought that was the one where John C. Riley played, uh,

Johnny Cash. No, that's no, um, that's a different movie. Walk Hard or something? Walk Hard is the Dewey Cox story. Oh, well, I'm so disjointed. I don't know. I'm sorry.

Which is the parody of the Johnny Cash movie. But this is called Walking Tall and it's the true story, I think, of this guy who lives in a corrupt town and he gets savaged by the corrupt casino that's in town drugging the kids and the sheriff's supporting it he's getting paid off so this guy goes to court for this assault

thing and instead of defending himself the rock says hey the town is corrupt this is what they did to me if you find me innocent I'll run for sheriff and if you elect me I'll clean this town up and they find him not guilty and he runs for sheriff and he immediately wins and he he uses the piece of lumber that he had used in the first part of the movie to like savage an entire casino worth of like inchmen as like his sidearm like he's got it on like a gun holder in his in his like police truck and uh it's it's a fun movie. It's, it's, it's early rock. And Johnny Knoxville is like the comedic sidekick. So it's fun.

It's good movie. That, that's the first time I was like, ah, all right, this guy can do stuff. This is good. And then he made all those like kids movies,

right? Where he was like a tooth fairy or something. And I thought it was over. I was like, well, that's the end of your career. There's no way you can like start making the kids movies this early, but he's like the biggest action star in the world, right?

Probably. He's definitely physically the biggest in the world. But Tom Cruise... I got to go see this Tom Cruise movie. Tom Cruise? No, I'm offering another one that could be bigger than The Rock. Tom Holland. I feel like Tom Cruise is bigger than Tom Holland.

Tom Cruise is the biggest thing in the world. I don't know anything about Tom Holland. I know he's Spider-Man. Yeah, that's where I was going. Every movie he makes is a billion dollars. That's not him. That's Marvel. He's in the Marvel franchise, but he is Spider-Man.

Marvel could cast me and make a lot of money. That's not true. A lot. Okay, I didn't let you finish. They call him the blob. I'm like,'m like come on man i'm not that fat i'm just trying to come up with an action star who might call him no i don't know if you know but diabetics the new top uh who's the parks and rec guy chris pratt maybe yeah i don't know the new top gun movie is uh Tom Cruise's biggest movie ever.

It's like racing toward a billion dollars super fast. It's only been out for a couple of weeks. And it's looking like it's – it already is going to be his biggest movie ever, which is saying something, right? Because he's got – he makes a Mission Impossible movie every other year that makes a billion dollars. So I got to go see this thing. I liked the original back in the day, as gay as it is.

You ever catch the gay undertones of that movie with Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise I have not seen I haven't seen Top Gun the beach volleyball scene alone is so gay just that all these guys in their shirtless pictures

like posing like I love that one moment All these guys in their shirtless pictures posing like... Yeah! I love that one moment. I've heard that it's funny. All the people I work with, email they have calls with, the people who are in the age

where they were coming of age when Top Gun came out, every single one of them, when it comes up, they're like, it's the best movie of the past 30 years. I love it. A Top Gun's great.

Like they, these boomers and like, well, I guess like Gen Xers love Top Gun, the new one. And so it's making me feel like I have to watch the original, watch the gay scene and then watch the new one. Because if for no other reason than it is,

Watch the gay scene and then watch the new one. Because if for no other reason than it is. It's unreal how good Tom Cruise looks after this many years. It's unreal. I'm blown away by it in a non-ironic way. Who has aged better in human history than Tom Cruise? No one. He must have plastic surgery. That can't be denied.

And he's probably on some steroids or something. Although he doesn't look super jacked, but it just would help. He looks amazing. He's rubbing like baby stem cell blood, like all over himself. Whatever it takes, man. He's just taking a bath in abortions.

Dude, Val Kilmer looked, in my opinion, significantly better than Tom Cruise in the first film. He's a better looking, he's a taller guy. He's just a more handsome person. And while Tom Cruise was supposed to be our guy, you couldn't help but look at Val Kilmer and be like, well, that's the better looking dude. Look at him.

That's current. Jesus. Now, Val Kilmer? Val Kilmer's disgusting. And I don't throw stones at people. Well, see, I didn't throw stones at people. Well, did he have cancer? I didn't know that. It took his voice away from him.

They had to use CGI to give him a voice in the movie. Did he have cancer of his adipose tissue? The recovery has been rough on Val. It's a real sad thing. They made a whole documentary called I'm Val or something. And his voice is like this now. And it's real sad oh it's you know what i you know in my defense he has it doesn't look good

he doesn't write good look he's got that thing it's sticking out of his throat he's got the little hazusa what's it the kazoo what is it called trachea it's called a tracheotomy when they do the thing. But he's got like a... On a man, the third hole, I guess. I would totally fuck that hole. Like not on Val Kilmer because I respect him too much. Wow, you're just not a gamer, dude. On a hot chick.

I would do it. You wouldn't fuck Val Kilmer's fucking esophageal hole to say you had? What if I... No. I don't know. I'm a little worried I won't stay hard. I'm a little worried I might kill him. You would.

Well, you'd have to let him breathe every so often, but that's how oral can go. What are those called? What the fuck are those holes called? I can't remember. Let's call it an E-hole. An E-sig hole yeah i'll put it in my e-hole a tracheostomy a stoma okay oh let's anyway it's real sad that that happened to him

i'm a huge val kilmer fan uh i always like like in tombstone his doc holiday is like one of my favorite characters ever just i can picture him now all sweaty and pale with those like circles under his eyes oh i wasn't as sick as i let on you know like or that like the line uh oh my hypocrisy only goes so far because he'd taken that fucking badge off and stuck it on ringo after he smoked him the whole all the gunfighting the latin scene if you want if you're a big tombstone fan go on youtube and find the scene off and stuck it on Ringo after he smoked him. The whole, all the gun fighting, the Latin scene. If you're a big Tombstone fan, go on YouTube and find the scene where he and

Johnny Ringo are going back and forth in Latin at the casino slash bar. And they translate it so you can see what they're saying. Some of it's like basic Latin that everybody knows, like in Vino Veritas, but they really go down a lengthy

like back and forth there that's fun to see translated uh i don't know if they both actually spoke latin or for some reason that would be an incredible level of education right at the time apparently like it was common for for like someone of their of their status because doc holiday was called doc because he was a trained dentist he'd been to he'd been to college and and ringo's presented as an educated man as well that's kind of what that scene's telling us right that's right that's even what doc says he's like oh see that's that's latin baby that that means ringo here is an educated man now i really hate it i love the way you remember lines and that one i thought was a little spoon fed to us.

You know, they speak in Latin for a while. And then he literally tells the audience that means he's an educated man, baby. And I'm like, I'm not that dumb. I got it. I got it. He's your peer. I see. They've got a Doc Holliday too.

Yeah. What do you say for plural for if there's an octopus? If you see multiple octopus, what do you think is correct? I think this is one of those where octopuses and octopi are both correct. And as well as octepities. Octepities? You're making that up. Not. So the deal is – How do you spell that? Octepities?

So the deal is that you can say octopods. So octopuses is correct because I think that's how it was in the dictionary first. But octopeds is correct if it's the plural of a Latin-based word. And they went with that for a while, but someone said, wait a fucking minute. There's no Latin word for octopus. It's a Greek word, and the plural in Greek is epides. So it's octepides. So all three are correct.

You can use any of them. Octopuses are very cool animals. They're very smart. I think they're the coolest of animals. I think they might be the most intelligent of animals. And it's really sad because they live these short lifespans because if they lived like for 30 or 40 years like maybe there'd be some some way to like eventually communicate with one right i didn't know they had short lives yeah they don't live

for very long at all oh i'm mixed up it's it's a jellyfish that can live for like fucking ever right uh i know one kind of jellyfish that can like resort back to its infant stage and then regrow and then come back i know lobsters live for a very long time i've even heard them described as being immortal but that's of course not true yeah because someone's going to eat it at some point and also apparently the bigger the lobster the shittier the meat like a big lobster that's been around for like 50 years yeah there's scum filters same with catfish anything that's a bottom feeder like that you and it tastes like dog shit. Yeah, they're scum filters. Same with catfish. Anything that's a bottom feeder like that, you want a young one.

I mean, I think it's not like an old cow tastes extra good, right? Like it's soaked up all that grass-fed flavor. Old Bessie's 37. She can barely move. An old dairy cow is only fit for fucking dog food and prisoners. To me, the creme de la creme

of beef beef like unless you're gonna go get some wagyu or some japanese nonsense that you can't even import is feel like just baby cow is so fucking good it doesn't matter what you feed it it tastes so good like it is it's a net benefit to have those little fuckers chained to the ground i wish they sure yeah they should what a horrific thing to do i wish as soon as it came out like they like don't have a grown man do it that just seems like overkill but like if you had like a mob of little folk go in there like uh the dwarves the little cows in his stephen hawking chair for his short life i just want to see him go in there like, like and club those, those little,

those little baby calves and the legs like break their legs right away. Like, like in that scene in misery. Dude, unbelievable series of W's we're having against pigs, chicken and cows. It's not, it's not even close.

Like in the universe, that has to be one of the biggest own species to species is us over chickens cows and pigs i mean just the whole stealing them from the wild saying yeah you're not going to be like this anymore we're changing nature and then we do that pretty cool pretty alpha i don't know looking all that time for what different groups of crows are called. You can find anything. Different groups of what? Crows.

So everyone, most people know a group of crow is called a murder. It's a cool group name. But if the crows are, I think if they're eating together, they're called a mob. If they're standing around, they're called something else.

A gaggle. I don't think so's um they're also gender if they're talking like if they're making noise it's called a storytelling of crows like the the names for crows in groups is really interesting but i couldn't find it laid out properly to tell the story but the crow crows gotta you know simplify those terms then you can't have five different names for crows just standing around a murder is you you hit a home run on the first try a murder of crows is pretty good a storytelling of crows is pretty good i like a lot of these i hate no no storytelling i don't like that a murder of crows you knocked out a park with a murder that's such a cool thing to call crows no other animal gets a murder what's like what like a pod of whales wow cool a gaggle of geese neat a murder of crows you saw that gif the other day of the

rape of chimps i believe a rape is dolphins that's what we call groups of politicians grouped together a rape oh so did um the uh help me with her name woody the the conservative crazy bitch with the brunette the boba lauren magic lauren bober something like that you're thinking of marjorie taylor green but he's talking about lauren bobert, I think. Which one did that group go after and expose? I'll lay it out a little bit. There is a group on the Republican side who attacks Republicans, and they went after Madison Cawthorn, Lauren Boebert. And they got him with the naked humping his cousin, and they got him with the... He's wearing sort of lingerie outside

in a club environment or something and uh basically made him lose his primary so madison cawthorne is going to lose his job next election cycle whatever now they've aimed their guns at lauren bobert and apparently they have they can back this up two things yeah she's pretty she was a sugar baby so um people don't know a sugar baby is like a sex worker adjacent type thing is that they tend to be like real relationships but i don't think everybody knows what a sugar baby is out there dude at some point it blurs the line between giving money to a girlfriend and giving like there's somewhere in between ex escort and girlfriend but anyway um not really she was not really. She was a sugar baby.

She had, I think, two sugar daddies at different points. And she had two abortions. The abortion thing, I'm pro-choice. So whatever. I like the OnlyFans pics. Those were hot. With the tattoo above her ass. Are you sure she had OnlyFans?

I don't know. They looked really racy. They didn't look like campaign photos when she had that tramp stamp. She's like, I don't know, showing off her butt in her yard or whatever. All I know is this will not affect her in a negative way.

Go on. Now she's got my vote. I want to keep you in office. She seems cool as shit now that I know she's a dirty whore. That's so awesome. That endeared me shit now that I know she's a dirty whore. That's so awful. That endeared me to her. Before, she was like a dumb, blonde, Karen bitch

provocateur who promoted the most ignorant, backward stuff and it was embarrassing. But now, she might be a whore. Now, she's slinging that pussy on the street. That is a mark in her favor. It's funny that Woody brought this up. This is going to hurt him. A lot of people and Kyle and I are like, no.

This person, I don't know who she is, is much cooler now for having done this. So much cooler now? I don't like that she's pro-life and being pro-life combined with having had two. Did she get abortions? Two, yeah. Oh, that came out. Who would know better than her? Is that a for real thing or is that like and being pro-life combined with having had two.

Is that a for real thing or is that a TMZ who knows kind of thing? They were right about Madison Cawthorn. It's like this group has some credibility. Is it the Lincoln Project, those fucking losers? No, I forget the name of them. The Madison Cawthorn thing, maybe I didn't see all the pictures. the Lincoln project, those fucking losers. No, it's, I forget the name of them, but, um, in any medicine caught on thing, like I didn't see,

I, maybe I didn't see all the pictures. Like I saw him like in the lingerie thing. And I was like, yeah, I knew a ton of fucking frat guys in college who would do parties like this. Oh, absolutely. Lots of people who fucked around.

And so like the whole thing of like, he was dressing in women's underwear and doing this. I'm like, stop pretending that you're offended. This is clearly a costume. I don't think that that's why he lost but i also don't know what else happened with him to be i don't think that's why he lost his race you know he'd been talking about um cocaine sex parties like a month prior to that and then all that oppo stuff came out so i think that he was i think he was already like on the way out and i don't think that he was, I think he was already like on the way out.

And, uh, I don't think that anybody was like, look, look, look, people on the right, like, like they'll,

they elected Donald Trump. They will forgive anything. If it means beating a liberal, liberal tears is a real thing. They love that shit. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. And they don't care if that, that that person has an only fans,

a tramp stamp and aborted. I don't think she's going to an OnlyFans, a tramp stamp, an aborted this and that. I don't think she's going to lose her district as much as she could possibly lose her primary. I don't know where she is in the thing right now, but there might be someone who runs against her who hasn't had a couple abortions, who hasn't

been a sugar baby before, and he's just like, look, would you like a more upstanding politician like everyone else has? Well, you know how that works. It's not as if someone can just be like, hey, I'm Matt Woodworth and I'm running against that whore.

I'm not a whore. It's like, yeah? What's your pack like? How many senators are going to show up at your events? Who's paying for your events, by the way? How many millions of dollars are you pumping into this?'s like oh yeah i don't have any backing so like there's probably some people in the republican party who like either say yes or no about who gets to run for this thing it was just going to take them literally being like we're going to run

someone against you and this in your primary like they would have to do her like that for her to lose she's got so much name recognition. I don't even know where she's from. Isn't she from Georgia here? It says Colorado. Okay. It's the other crazy. It's Marjorie Taylor green.

That's from here in Georgia. She's the other side of this lady's. I think Hawthorne's us North Carolina. Really? Congrats. I don't even know who we have in Missouri. I couldn't tell you, but I am seeing here like apparently and this is from

daily beast a very liberal rag they're saying there's no evidence that she had two abortions it's all hearsay as of now yeah it's a real smear campaign with and um it's interesting that it yeah she's taking legal action over it according to to Fox. Daily Beast says no evidence for it. Mother Jones, unbelievably progressive, left-leaning, says stop spreading misogynistic rumors about Lauren Boebert. So, yeah, this is just a made-up talking point. So these people have been accurate so far. I think if they can't back up their claim, they've lost the credibility that they built up on Madison. By the time this comes out and it's a story that it was fake,

people will have moved on and the public will already have the knowledge that he had to. No, no, no, no. I think it does matter. I think that, you know,

if you start, if you take down Madison Cawthorn and every fucking thing you said was right. And all he can say is like, yeah, locker room boys hump each other naked. It's fun, fun. And then you start taking down the next one and they're like, Oh shit, these guys haven't told a lie yet. right and all he can say is like yeah locker room boys hump each other naked it's fun fun and then you start taking down the next one and they're like oh shit these guys haven't told a

lie yet what was it right well hold on hold on what was it right what they said because from what i remember they lied and implied that he was like having gay sex with his friends wearing women's clothing when in reality he was at a costume party like i'm not even a madison cawthon guy i don't know fucking shit about this guy, but I have enough people, enough friends who went to college and went to enough frat parties that had custom dress requirements and stuff that that's very obviously a party.

Very obviously. It was a party. I don't know if it was a costume party, but he was there with two hot women behind him and he's wearing women's clothing. Yeah, it's a costume party. It's a lingerie party. Okay, guys usually wear lingerie? Anyway, what I'm saying is

if they lied, I didn't see it. Shit, what was I going to say? Oh, instead I just saw them say, here's embarrassing footage of him. Say what you will, right? Which is what they did. And if they ruin their own credibility, then the next time they come after whomever it won't be as heavy hitting i just i don't see the media having any credibility like i when i see them say something like my initial reaction is

to be like what what is their angle who yeah this is the media this is looks to people who are like outwardly biased and not hiding it. This is opposition. This is we're trying to take her down, but you can trust us because we haven't lied to you so far. That's where they are. But they have lied. Like all of these rags have lied dozens of times about thousands of things. You're just grouping them together with people that lied.

Like all of these rags. These people said, here's the embarrassing footage. Right. But it's not talking about all of them. I'm talking about this group that releases the stuff. What is the group? Fuck. What is the pack that's trying to take that?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start a thing. You don't have to find it. I believe you. I'm just saying when things like this come out, my initial reaction, I feel like the people's initial reaction for all of this, regardless of sides,

after we've seen how biased our media is in this country, be like, you know what? I'm not sold. Like, I don't know. Like when, when all that Hunter Biden shit came out,

my reaction was like, I don't fuck. I don't think it's as fucking wild. There's a lot of these people are saying, but there's something there. Like it ended up being pretty wild though. With the crack. I'm talking about my initial thing is i was like i don't trust fucking fox

or the daily wire like ben shapiro's rag to do an honest analysis this is a group a political action committee called the american muck crackers and they successfully embarrassed caulthorne out of office i would argue and now they're trying to do it to her. So they're a shameless tabloid group that, like, that's what it sounds like. They keep making the media. Muckrakers. That's what they're called. Muckrakers, right? Yeah, I've never heard of that term before.

That means that you're trying to bring untoward things up to the public to try and malign someone. And muckrakers do not care whether or not it's true. They're a political action committee. They make no attempt to pretend they are unbiased. That's what I'm trying to get out.

If you're like, they have no credibility. It's much like when they released the emails for the Democrats, like the private ones that they got hacked or whatever. It's like, okay, whoever released these is definitely not trying to be fair and balanced, but they're not lying. This is parallel to that. Interesting. Fair enough. The whole, like, I don't know.

In the past, I don't remember there being characters like this Taylor Greene lady and this Cawthorn guy. They seem like a new breed of politician almost, and I hope that it's not something that continues. They're mimicking Trump or they're trying to. I call it the performative branch. At the moment it's mostly Republican, although I'm open to the idea that there could be Democrats. AOC, she's performative like that. Yeah, I definitely agree. She writes legislation and tries to get it passed. These guys really just put on shows. Come on. You're going to say they're performative, but AOC

isn't? Right. I'm absolutely going to stick to that, too, because AOC has had aspects of the Green New Deal already get put into the budget, whereas Marjorie Taylor Greene is literally not on a single committee. I'll agree with that. AOC is a professional politician, and she's excellent at her job. Those other

two I think of as uneducatedated, dumb, Karen cunts. Yeah. Madison Cawthon, who's on his way out, literally just out there like saying things he thinks Trump would say. Like he doesn't write any bills. It's the performative branch. And I'm coming off biased. Democrats will perhaps evolve to this too when they see that it's a winning formula. It's just that at the moment.

Wait, what do you mean they'll evolve to it too too you don't think there are performative democrats out there i guess not solely performance because they're also trying to make change let's draw some like like there's some obvious and clear differences like when we're talking about like this trio of like conservatives well this trio of retards are are like that's what they seem to be a trio of well that's what I'm talking about. Like, I don't think there's ever been people like them in the political sphere. I don't remember it growing up that there were just wild. Remember, they yelled at the State of the Union. Like, that was them.

That was those two women. That was them together screaming, like, at the worst possible time about dead soldiers when he's talking about his dead son up there who's a fucking soldier yeah it's a bad look and then you know i don't know if you saw the freeze frames but they look so insane they're like they're like mid well no freeze frames you can make any person look ridiculous but no you're winning me over it does make sense like they yeah but they're not truly like they're like they're They're like leaning over the thing. No, I know. And they are. Yeah, they do seem like they are just performative.

They're trying to like. It seems like those three, like people like that, are more interested in getting public opinion and people behind them. And then they can like, once they lose, they can start a podcast and get a shit ton of money. Obviously the one on the left. Not even a fucking contest. Not even close, right?

Not even close. The one on the right is my lady from Georgia. I will say this. The one on the right, she makes these absurd campaign commercials where she's shooting a Barrett.50 cal and blowing up a car full of Tannerite. Dude, I fucking love the champion of that photo. Bring that photo back up. The champion is that guy sitting in between them just just trying to to not be lumped in me in the middle right there no not that lady the guy the black guy

look at his eyes just like i'm sitting between the two craziest white women in america right now how did he end up drawing the short straw and having to sit between them i don't know they're republicans so they were probably like we'll pay you to sit next to us so we don't seem bad no i'd like to see them les out i hope there's a uh there's a porno like that where they find some lookalike lookalikes because i loved that uh that naylin palin uh thing they did for um uh palin back in the day and they i can't think of the the porn actress's name she's one of my favorites she's an older like she's like milf style like she's probably mid 40s or maybe even like 50s now like lisa ann big fan of lisa quick

on the draw with porn names yeah yeah but do we have we have a PG photograph of Lisa Ann? As Palin. Yeah, if you just search Nalin Palin, you could find her with the glasses on and everything. Sarah Palin, probably the best-looking female politician in the time since then. I would not... You remember back to 2008 with McCain,

that old codger and then she she looks a lot like like so this is her like the a uh like award show or something like that but like when you see her in the porno she has those same rimmed glasses that sarah palin wore and she's wearing like one of her like blazers and there's a scene where like remember sarah palin had that line about how she's she was the governor of alaska and she's like oh the russians are right over the border i can see him across my backyard and and so of course they have like two russians just like walk in from the backyard and fuck her you know sarah palin never said that right i don't care i think they did say it on snl me in on that because i was convinced that was one

of those things where i was like yeah remember when she said that and it was years ago what he was like she actually didn't that was in the porn and i was like uh i just told on myself it was in the snl that i can see him oh that's what it was and she's close who's uh who's the the Hawaii lady? What's her name again? Gabbard. Gabbard. So I would say probably Gabbard beats out Palin in prime because Gabbard's very hot.

She's got a surfer body too. Yeah, she's always surfing and such. I think she's like part islander maybe or something. She's got a picture of her and something more revealing than a business suit? Can you search Tulsi Gabbard surfing? Let's see if that would happen. Put in Tulsi Gabbard butthole. Yeah.

Yes. And see, you never know unless you try. Roll the dice. What's the worst that could happen? Okay. It's hard to look good once you get some board shorts on that's oh shit let me see what your picture you guys are looking at i'm looking at way more revealing shit this is some power yeah let's have let's have woody send his pics to zach and then we can look at those because i would say that she probably edges out Sarah Palin. Because think about it. Who else is the hottest female politician since then in the last 14 years? So my only caveat to her being hotter than –

Oh, she's very hot. AOC? Maybe. I think Sarah Palin's prettier. AOC probably has a better body. The thing about – yeah, I said that right. The thing about Sarah Palin is she looked really good like post-50. Dude, AOC is hot at a time that a lot of people are hot.

You're not blowing me away by being a hot 20-something-year-old. If you're a hot 50-year-old, dude, I can only imagine what you're like at 20. No, no, that's actually a very – that's more compelling an argument than I was thinking. No, no, that's actually a very – that's more compelling an argument than I was thinking. For that reason, if we're doing our rankings, stack rankings competitively, you would have to give it to Tulsi. Because how – wait, wait. How old is she? How old is she?

She's not 50. Tulsi. How old is she? I think Tulsi's young. I was making an argument for Palin being hot deep into her lifespan. Palin's even not bad now. I mean I looked at a recent – Tulsi's 41. Sarah Palin, 2022. I'm. I looked at a recent Sarah Palin 2022. I'm going to look for a picture of her. I saw her

and I was like, you know, not like killing the game or anything, but for her age. For her age, killing it. You know who's not holding up well? Her former running mate, John McCain. He know who's not holding up well? Her former running mate, John McCain.

He's dead. He looks terrible. Throw up a Palin from... F's in the comment section for John McCain. I really wish Zach had pulled up a picture of a Skeletor. Zach sounds like a random candid where she's not smiling.

Zach is clearly biased against Sarah Palin. Here she is knowing that she's on camera. Does she look 21? No. But how old is she? This is current, too. This Alaska house seat thing is breaking news. She's 58 years old.

Oh, that's a great, that's a strong 58. That's a strong 58. That's what I'm saying. You know what? Good for her. I bet she runs all the way to Alaska sometimes. All the way to Russia, rather. Sorry.

They probably don't let her on flights because of a mask thing or something. I know there's a couple people like that. She seems like an anti-masker. I don't think they do that shit anymore. Do you need masks on planes anymore? No, not anymore. I don't think you do need masks on planes. I recently took that down. You definitely you you definitely don't because yeah i i flew like a month ago and like nowhere was requiring it how many people were voluntarily uh it was rare

like i was sitting in the waiting area and you know how there's always like seven eight nine rows of people all sitting there right before boarding i bet out of the 200 people on the flight i saw three masks yeah like maybe three like it's rare to see a mask yeah the proof's in the pudding like like nobody wants to wear them we're done we're all done and look and look kovat isn't gone either like like i haven't looked at the stats recently i did see that fauci got it which is like this fun little if you're an anti-mask from the beginning patriot, you've got to be laughing your ass off right now. Is it the first time he's had it? It might be.

I believe it is. I think there would have been more said if he'd had it in the past. I don't recall him getting it before. But of course, he's got it now. And of course, they're using the meet your maker memes. A lot of that going around. you know he's got it now and of course they're using the meet your maker memes i um like i know people who've had covid recently include i guess i'll just say it hope had covid a couple weeks ago and uh it it hasn't been hitting that hard and i wonder like is it because the omnicron variant isn't that hard is it because my sample size is like i know kids that have had it and i know uh 20 something year old that had it did

you notice they stopped like informing us what variant was mutating this week like two months ago like for a long time they were pumping out new variants like they were marvel movies then all of a sudden we didn't need ant Ant-Man 6 to whip us into shape anymore. We had Ukraine to talk about. And now who knows? You just mentioned Omicron. That's like four months ago. There would have been 16 different variants since then.

Is that true? I thought Omicron was still the one. How do we know, though? Because they stopped telling us about the new mutations. Maybe just assumed it that's a good point yeah stop naming well if like i mean you said like hopes was mild like everyone i've known who's gotten it who was young not obese not diabetic not elderly like they have been have been okay and like and we've known that since like the beginning like they knew the have been okay and like and we've known that since like the beginning like they knew the risk factors were primarily obesity and diabetes were like what like the two

biggest comorbidities that like aligned with which is like to be on like to be understood because that's kind of the two biggest comorbidities there was like a big nursing home age of course stuff like that like when i got it it was wild how fast it came on and how fast it went away it was so zach wrote he was dead for two days would you describe yourself something like that no like i and i'll breeze through it because i know i've said it before like i 10 a.m the day i got it i was doing a call and i was planning out my workout for that day by 1 p.m i was like the area behind my eyes hurt so much like just from looking around i was like something's fucking weird here and like i knew i was getting it because my wife

had gotten it prior and the all the exact symptoms pain behind the eyes headache that's what we got like she tested positive and then the next day when she started feeling better i got it and over the course of maybe 10 a.m to 5 5 PM, I went from feeling like $1 million to feeling like absolute dog shit. And I was, it was a Tuesday and I did PKN and I was worried. And I was like, God, like, this is like a bad flu. Like I'm going to be fucked up for the show. I'm not going to sound right. And the next morning I woke up and it was fucking weird. Like 80% of it disappeared overnight. Like I had a couple of days of like a little bit of fatigue, but the biggest thing for me was that behind the eyes headache whenever I'd look around and it like,

it came on like a storm and I'm not exaggerating to the point that I was worried that two days from then I would still be too sick to do the show next day by 5 PM. Dinner time felt 100% like normal other than a little tired. When did you lift again? Uh, it took me, I think I lifted Friday. So the day after PKA that week, I lifted again.

And it wasn't the best workout, but I think it was almost as much to do with the missing the workouts as it because like I never had a problem with breathing or smell or taste. I just got this wicked headache that sucked. I don't know. You haven't had it, have you? I haven't. Not that you know of? Exactly. Yeah. If I had it, wicked headache that sucked. I don't know. You haven't had it, have you? I haven't. Not that you know of.

Exactly. Yeah. If I had it, I was symptom free. Did Hope get headaches? Because I've heard that isn't as common. Most people get the flu symptoms, and only some people get bad headaches. She quarantined in the guest house, so she just disappeared. I don't know.

Hey, Hope. You doing okay yeah yeah she was um graduating from college and it's like are we gonna go to the graduation or not let me know let me know we went to the i hope the way it is you need like so many days after a negative test or something so she she just cleared one of her graduation ceremonies. Good. I'm glad she was able to walk. She got to go. I know walking means a lot to a lot of people. I don't get it.

But I literally, I was the first person on my dad's side of the family to ever graduate from college. And so like it was a big deal for my dad. For some reason I thought your father did. But anyway. Yeah, I was the first to ever graduate from college and so like it was a big deal for my dad but anyway yeah i was i was the first one to graduate from college and like it was a huge deal and so like my dad and my grandma on that side like people were like we're gonna come watch you walk like you graduated college that's a really big deal and i was like yeah but they're charging 70 for the robe and i don't want to do it and they were like okay well it's your decision and i just just didn't do it just was i didn't do it either i thought that's not where this was i thought you were gonna say you did it unenthusiastically no i didn't do it i was like i don't want to i'm done

with college i'm punching out i'm leaving like that's what i wanted to do not me so i had plans of getting a master's when i finished my undergrad. And I was like, I hate to put down everyone with a college degree. That's not what I'm going for. But it felt a little bit like eighth grade graduation. Like, no, high school graduation is the last one. This is just an intermediate graduation on my way. And when I got my master's, I knew I wasn't getting a doctorate. One, I'm not even sure if I'm smart enough. But I really knew that my motivation for comp sci related stuff was sapped. So for the masters, I was kind of excited about walking. I was like, I felt like I had achieved something and, and I walked and I didn't make any, there's two.

One was the great big ceremony that most of the school went to. And I just did that by myself i didn't drag like anybody to it well you you had like a real degree like something that was hard i had a undergrad psych degree it was mean every you know good looking girl yeah i had a master's in engineering and uh i did make my wife go to the one that you know the smaller room with like 100 people in it like she attended that wasn't so painful and i think who's the left political talk show guy from like the 80s it might be merv griffin or it might be like donahue phil donahue i think was our commencement speaker and you have to understand

even though nc state is a university and you'd think it'd be left-leaning, it's kind of the right-leaning university if there's such a thing. And they fucking hated this guy. And he was like, I thought his points weren't that extreme. Like, you know what? No knock warrants where the police bust down your door and shoot you with no trial. I don't like that. And all the audience is like, I don't know about this guy he's anti-police and yeah he got booed

quite a bit i finished not to change the topic too much but i totally am um i finished ozark uh i guess spoilers for you know the end of Ozark. If you haven't watched it yet, you really, really need to. It is now in my top five shows of all time as a series. My definitely top five series of all time. I knew you'd like the ending. I knew you would. I will say that the last season is not their best season.

It can be a bit meandering, and they really have a hard time staying focused and keeping the tension on. They have it where in previous seasons, it always felt like Marty and Wendy were on the verge of disaster, like on the precipice, on a razor's edge. This last season, it seemed like they were more in control which i suppose is only to be expected but right up into the end i was waiting on things to fall

apart and again spoilers but they fucking won the bad guys won and they won by being as bad as they could possibly be like but the way they won wasn't by turning over that new leaf or taking that fucking deal. It was by finding the most shitty Mexican that existed and making a deal with her. It was by turning on everybody who ever helped them or had anything to do with them.

Ruth, fuck you, you blonde dumb hick. You're dead in the dirt. You're dead in the dirt. I liked Ruth. I liked her too. She couldn't keep her fucking mouth shut though. Fuck you, Ruth, you dumb bitch. You got exactly what you had coming to you. You got exactly what you had coming to you.

She got what was coming, but was there a part of you that was like, you wished that didn't... I came to like Ruth a lot and I didn't want to see her die. Ruth is so lucky she didn't get tortured to death. She got that. I was like, man, they she didn't get tortured to death she got that she she i was like man they're gonna rape ruth to death i guess look she got off so light getting shot in the heart but like at the end like dead in like 30 seconds or something like that she was

she got she even got to like say her insults in the end no i loved it and and that fucking piece of shit cop that pi or whoever was right investigator they're like we've given you what you could have only dreamt of we moved we did we moved mountains that you didn't know could move we pulled strings that you didn't know existed and you're gonna show back up here and break our fucking window and take my goat with the evidence in it fuck you guess what i got a little autist out back with a 12 gauge okay yeah and this guy's been watching nothing but disturbing movies in his motel room for the last two years he's been playing doom for two years he's gonna fucking click on your head like it's call of duty looking

at kids eyes that was that was such a good like they obviously we have the spoilers thing running so we can talk about it i i didn't ever i never really liked the sopranos ending as much you know i i liked it because it was like okay tony dies the end. That's the way it's going. But it never fulfilled me. This, the structure of it, like with Jonah holding the gun, pointed at the guy, and then just the blast and the black is like, the whole team's in, the whole family is doubling down. All of these little rifts between their interpersonally, that doesn't matter because we're all cartel people now and we're all on the same team.

And it was a cool solidifying moment of, yeah, the birds are just getting started and now they're a family force, not these kind of ancillary characters working on their own pursuits. And they're safe. They are so rock solid. The cartel couldn't be cooler with them. The feds couldn't be cooler with them. All of their enemies, dead.

They're ready to roll. The only person left is the pregnant black FBI woman who is... The FBI does it. She's dead to the FBI. She is done. She blew her wad taking down the cartel guy. She has no credibility left. They have no enemies.

It's how you want something to end. I don't know. It's the good ending. I would have been happy with a lot of endings. I get that it's a happy ending if you're rooting for the bad guys. What I liked about it was that they answered all the questions. I didn't want them to be like,

oh, well, whatever happened to this guy? They never really explained this. This didn't make sense. The whole, what is it, five years, four years? It was going this way. And then in the last episode, they just flip a switch. And now this guy is something. That didn't happen.

What happened is it was like they knew how it was going to end a year or two ago. They led you up to it. There were some twists that I didn't necessarily know where things were going to go. It made sense. And it left me with no questions and i appreciate it yeah and you can see their trajectory that wendy bird is going to be so like a regional national political force of power she is going to be a a king maker by the end of it she like runs the midwest yes like of politics which is like oh so you control missouri illinois minnesota michigan fucking she can literally shape national policy at this point that's how powerful she is she's bulletproof marty is going they have as much

money as they could ever want or need like they just have money flowing out of their ass what happened to their marriage like are they just re-solidified there at the end they fucking shored it up by right at the end you know fucking hugging each other after the accident like the accident from the accident forward they're like coming back together and then then you know lots of hugging and embracing and her saying don't leave, and him saying, I'd never leave you. I loved it. I was so happy. It's everything that I wanted Breaking Bad to do for me. I wanted Walt to get back together with his fat wife.

I wanted Walt Jr. I wanted Walt to be like son, little Walt Jr. Rickety Cricket, come here. I know that you're not so down on your dad's drug empire, but look, I had some Colombian scientists make a whole new body for you, and now you're going to be walking like a real boy. I wanted them all to get on board. Now you're Pickle Walt.

Now you're Pickle Walt. But, Dad, I don't want to be a pickle. You're Pickle Walt. Breaking Bad saddened me. I don't rewatch breaking bad because I don't like the downfall of, of, of, of Walt, which is, you know, if it were a book, maybe you'd call it that the downfall of, of Walter White. You could, you could imagine it being that because that's what it is really. He, he,

his it's sad. It's a sad thing to watch him i don't know watch his reach extend his uh exceed his grasp and and watch him eventually lose everything it's sad but with this it's like oh my god these guys were ruthless evil conniving ruthless, evil, conniving, all of the above. And that's what it took. And that's what the winners had to do.

They are the winners. They weren't lucky. They were smart. They made good decisions from the beginning to the end. Any decision they made that didn't work out wasn't dumb. It just didn't work out. They need to money launder, right? So to launder money, you need to have a business in which you can claim it came from customers.

Kind of hard to count. That's why they did car washes and Breaking Bad. A lot of cash rolls in. People put it in the machines. You can just say this cash didn't come from selling heroin. This cash came from the little machine at the front of the car wash. Cool. They come up with the idea of a church.

They're like, yeah, but we have a lot of cash we need to figure out and we need to pretend that it came. You can't count church money. It just flows in from the everywhere. Much like drug money does. It didn't work out because there were complications,

but I never thought it was stupid. I never was like this idea won't fit from the start. It's stupid. Every idea they had was smart. I never was like, this idea won't fit from the start. It's stupid. Every idea they had was smart. Every character was smart, except perhaps the kids now and then. And I appreciated that about it. And I appreciated it was smart people against smart people mostly. I'm done

with the wildly outcast. With the characters who are written to be as stupid as they need to get into trouble and as smart as they need to get out of it. Like Harry Potter. Alright, leave Harry Potter alone, alright? That's how he's written. He's the smartest wizard on Earth

until he forgets about curfew and then it's like, oh, Harry, you're for missing curfew. You must be punished. That's why I'm giving you 600 points to Gryffindor. This is kind of interesting.

I'm going to blow you. I'll put you on the team if you blow me. None of that happened. That happened. Kyle didn't read the books carefully. You don't remember that scene where Dumbledore held Harry down and molested him? That's pretty fucked. No, I don't remember that scene where

you don't remember that he was licking harry's earlobe talking about how you want to be the captain of the squidditch team or whatever the fuck he's the speaker that's the position he wanted yeah you're about to be seeking this wizard cock in your mouth you want to be a seeker yep and the Seeker. Yep, and that's how Gandalf turned white. Yes. Yes. Your hobbit hands are so soft. That would be, you know... Kyle, come on. What would an old-timey wizard call his cock? Oh, good gracious me. My staff.

Oh, my staff is great. What about his trouser wand? Oh, my trouser wand. I like it. Oh, good gracious me. That's how he sounded.

No, he would... No, we're going to make fun of Dumbledore. Oh, I see what Zack did there. His magic wand? Yeah, his magic wand is a Dacian. I like it. You don't think that Dumbledore, a little bit of funny business, is going on with Harry and Ron back in

the back rooms? Dumbledore is given a boyfriend in the fucking books, okay? So no, I don't think he was molesting children. Dumbledore is a gay wizard who likes other gay men who are wizards as well. So he didn't molest the children.

Oh, what age is but a construct in the wizarding world, Harry. It is not a construct. It is a finite point. It happens. People age and they die. I don't know. It seems to me, based on nothing, that he was probably raw-dogging some boys in the middle of that hall.

And his wonderful wizarding world out of this shit, okay? Just the cutest boy sits under that hat, in the middle of that hall. And his wonderful wizarding world out of this shit. Okay? Just the cutest boy sits under that hat and then the sorting hat puts him in a dark closet in Dumbledore's quarters instead of one of the... Oh, you're not a wizard. You're not a Gryffindor or a Huffleman or whatever the fuck. You're a bottom boy.

You're a bottom boy. I'm a what? A bottom boy, Harry. You're meant to be a slave for hung wizards. I'm a what? A bottom boy, Harry. You're meant to be a slave for hung wizards. I'm a what? That's what it would be. And then Harry would be like, I wish I'd just stayed in that shitty

house under the stairs. I feel like you're really... That's what it is. Harry's kidnapped by an elderly rapist, and Hogwarts is the reality he creates as in his tape from being raped so often by the wizard. Oh. Man, that would be a true switch.

A Shyamalan twist, as you say. A Patreon question? We have a Patreon level. It might be $10 I'm not really sure it is um and they can ask questions that we answer on the show yeah 10 bucks get

you like everything except for into the you know the $50 hangouts and yeah which is the real patreon the $50 hangouts are a bunch of fun if you were to pick three bitch traits what would they be

three traits of me wait I i interpret bitch traits to be like like el presidor would say bitch made like like not yeah yeah like things that break man code is what i think uh yeah yeah yeah i'm not going for like female traits honestly like like i feel like someone who's gossipy who's like telling other people's business like as soon as you hear that somebody like had a divorce or like i don't know like failed at a thing that they really didn't want to fail at or like like something bad happened to them if you're the first one who wants to like spread that bad news about them and not in like a way like hey dylan's business is failing like maybe we could do something you know like like i think that if you just be sensitive to this thing

that just happened to him right yeah if you're just gossipy like did you hear dylan's little enterprise didn't turn out so well guess he's not the zuckerberg he thought he was like if you're that guy that's a real bitch move and you would like that one no no it's a a bitch move is not a positive attribute in a guy oh i, I thought you were asking what bitch attributes would you want if you had to have bitch attributes. Let me read it more carefully. If you were to pick three bitch traits, what would they be?

I can see why Taylor got that, but that doesn't mean they're going for it. They're so entirely. Yeah, I think they're saying if you could name three bitch traits, what would they be? It would be being offered the opportunity to pick what restaurant you go to failing it having me pick it and then being pissed

that it wasn't the restaurant oh god that's a great one that's a good one yeah i have a counter for that that i use all the time frequent listeners know it it's like you can't just be against it you had to be for something better where are are we going? Fucking Red Lobster. No, I don't think so. You don't get a vote. You get a counteroffer, but you can't say no. Suck my dick on your no. You need to beat my idea.

You got to say fucking Cracker Barrel or something. You need another offer. And I agree with you. That's 100% true. Because the way I'll do it with my wife is I'll be like, if she's like looking around where she wants to go, I'll be like, all right, you pick your top two places. I know you're spending a bunch of time looking.

You pick whatever two you want. I'm deciding between those. And then usually she'll pick one and I'll be like, Stephen's barbecue, whatever the fuck. And then I can tell them, and obviously i'm a absolute pig i have no preference where i go to eat i'll find something delicious anywhere and she'll be like oh tommy's barbecue uh what about what about giuseppe's italian and i'm like well then we're going to fucking giuseppe's i just tricked you into telling me what you really wanted

we just wasted 20 minutes here like just to just tell me where you actually want to go because i can overeat anywhere in this city. Anywhere in this city I can overeat. Pick anywhere. TGI Fridays? Instead of knowing where all the best public bathrooms are, where all the all-you-can-eat buffets are. I have my bitch trait that I don't like. When there's an amount of work to be done and you watch, right?

For example, on Acro day, uh, we have to carry a whole bunch of gas cans across the, the field, the heat to the, to fill up the boat. If you watch me carry 12 gallons of gas,

right? Six in each hand. And then you watch me go back and get the next 12 gallons of gas. Bitch move asshole. Right? You know know that that's not cool at all and and it's like what you needed to be told you needed to be told to step in this isn't a hard task to sort of figure out that needs to be done you're watching me do half of it mirror my actions yeah you know what i saw the other day and it just every time you see keanu reeves do a

thing you're like oh man I like him more they're on the set of a John Wick movie and I'll try to paint a picture it's nighttime lots of cast and crew moving around kind of and they're they're moving uh those stage boxes that hold like gear they're these black sort of fold together cases. They're moving them up concrete stairs, like a big flight of them. And Keanu has like two things, like two heavy things that he himself is carrying. And people are like, no, Mr. Reeves. No, please. And he's just like, no, no, I got it.

And he's literally like helping them carry shit up the flight of stairs. What a nice guy. When like, I don't know know he's the guy getting paid 15 million dollars to beat people up and kiano is a bit of a meme right like like he was great in john wick one probably all three of them but i really liked him in one he was a little wooden in matrix but maybe that was the role i get it uh but people love him so much and maybe that's the reason it's the off-camera stuff he's a poor actor um he he has to have a role that fits like like like like his range because he doesn't have a lot

of range i mean i've talked about it a bunch of times but if you want to see him absolutely almost ruin a movie go watch bram stoker's dracula where have Gary Oldman Gary Oldman is the guy who plays the commissioner in the Nolan Batman films has the line about maybe you're not the hero you need but the hero we whatever the fuck he's got that line amazing

actor he's in this a ton of Dracula makeup he looks like Dracula he's wearing a handmade silk robe. He looks incredible. And Keanu is supposed to be a British accountant.

Like a junior accountant who's there at Count Dracula's mansion to formalize his British real estate purchases. He sounds like Surfer Dude. He's got He sounds like Surfer Dude. He's got the point break Surfer Dude thing. He's like, oh, Cal Dracula, I just don't know.

Have you signed all of the paperwork? And then Jerry Oldman has to play off that and be like, lick the fucking straight razor and be all maniacal and terrifying. And you go back and forth between being like, you know know if there was a centuries old blood drinking demon i think it would look and act a lot like gary oldman right now like keanu over there still in point break surfer dude mode like oh no dracula won't let me

leave his mansion whatever will i do who's the dead actor he played opposite tom cruise in one of the mission impossibles yes philip seymour hoffman he is one of the greatest of all time yeah i didn't appreciate him till he died same yeah he uh he's one of those guys that just like makes a role like good gosh he just nailed it he wasn't he in um charlie wilson's that sound right? I think so, yeah. He was that guy? I liked him in The Master. The Master is about Scientology, but they're careful not to make it about Scientology. Okay, okay. It's about L. Ron Hubbard, and Philip Seymour Hoffman plays the L. Ron Hubbard character,

the seductive cult leader, and Joaquin Phoenix is his newest recruit, and the brainwashing and stuff like is really powerful it was the first thing that i had seen of um joaquin phoenix that i that i really took notice and started being like wow he's just a really really fucking of course like comedist back in the day like super duper evil in the gladiator movie uh and he's been in a bunch of stuff but i loved him in signs but after seeing him in that i started taking him a lot more seriously uh i don't know if you heard but uh the next joker movie is going to be they're talking about making it a musical

are you pulling my leg i'm not that's what everybody says when they hear this it's it like you can you can look it up but um the the pitch right now and i think it's one of those things where they're're putting it out there to see how everybody reacts, and then maybe they go forward. But it's to have Lady Gaga play Harley Quinn to Joaquin Phoenix's Joker, and for it to be a musical. I'm down for it, because here's what I don't want. I don't want Joker 2.

The same sort of long-winded, down, monotone. And by that, I mean like this one-note thing. And they just keep playing that same note for two and a half hours. And most people disagree with me in like the first one. I think if they do it again, they'll come to my side. And that they should do something different. Musical sounds risky. But fuck it. Take a risk. I'm in. Yeah. Did you ever see

what's the Johnny Depp movie where he's the demon barber of Fleet Street? What's that character's name? He's the fucking I can I know the songs, but I can't think of it's Sweeney Todd. Thank you so much. Sweeney Todd is might be my favorite, like modern musical kind of ad. It's not, I like the greatest show on earth.

It makes me a little gay, but I've, I've, I've grown accustomed to that. I enjoyed it. I liked the soundtrack. I was in, can I do a new question?

Yes, please. This one, I'm going to answer it first. Cause I love it. If the government came to you and asked how we should reform police, what would you say? I love my answer. Right now, when police do bad shit, the city pays you and nothing happens to the cops.

I like the idea that when there's a big payout, right? $4 million because this guy died, $150,000 because this guy got hurt or the police lied or whatever, it comes from the police retirement fund. Let's change the nature of the thin blue line. Let's instead of having all these cops on their side against us,

be like, asshole, that's my pension. My pension just went down because you shot a guy after you handcuffed him. We don't do that around here. My pension this, my pension that. Oh, are you going to beat a guy senseless for kicks? That's our pension. And just let it, they should put out a fucking flyer. Everyone's pension went down by $37 a year because of this action.

No, I'm good with that. Yeah. pension went down by $37 a year because of this action. Police each other. I like the idea of a lot of civilian oversight. I don't know why you need a police chief who carries a gun. You probably need a police chief who's a fucking nerd or something. Find a black woman gay nerd and make them the civilian oversight. If you don't want to like work for for them then fucking quit like i i love whenever they're like oh police won't do this and let them fucking quit like like oh they're gonna like do the we were gonna have to

go through you one at a time to find the bad apples if you don't want to like go along with this shit that makes sense then you can just fucking quit. They do need to pay them more because I think that'll attract the people that you need to be doing that job. That's what I've always said. Anytime that there's a job that people are underperforming in, it's because they're not getting paid enough. And just to be clear, I'm not suggesting paying the people who are doing it right now more. I'm not saying you take those knuckleheads that are in police cars now and give them 30 more K a year and suddenly they'll be good more. I'm not saying you take those knuckleheads that are in police cars now and give them 30 more K a year and suddenly there'll be good cops. I'm saying they'll quickly be phased out and replaced by the kind of worker

who was going to go to a different job that pays $85,000, $90,000 a year. Someone who I don't like, like you should have, you should be like halfway to a fucking law degree. You should be a paralegal before we put you in a cop car and give you a gun. Maybe do something about the, what seems like lifetime employment that they get now like once you get hired as a cop it's tricky to get fired and that's not true in other jobs yeah i i think

it should be super easy to get fired as a cop uh i i think that uh oh man i i would i would like to change you know i think there's been a lot of looking at that they're not required to like act and help people let's fix that that's been a thing for a while apparently let's let's make it so that if a cop doesn't like do his job then they're they're liable like i like that i like making i mean it's not just cops though right like isn't that like a whole government thing that like once you're hired, it's borderline impossible to fire shitty government employees? That's why the DMV's ass.

That's why there's no baseline metrics by which to gauge their success. Like they're not looking at the amount of turn in the DMV and being like, oh, we can make more money. Like they just don't give a fuck. Like they just won't. Like that seems to be a government employee thing that like once you're hired on,

it's very difficult to get rid of you. Oh, and another thing. I really don't think you should be able to police in a district that you don't live in. That's so true. Like down to the smallest municipality. I don't think you should be the police officer in my town if you don't live

here, in my county if you don't live here, in my state if you don't live here, or in my country if you don't live here. I don't understand why they'd do that. So like, so like if you don't live here, in my state if you don't live here, or in my country if you don't live here. I don't understand why they'd do that. Let's say there's a big riot going down in Atlanta or something that needed

to be handled by government officials. They're going to send the National Guard, who were born in Connecticut or whatever, there because there's no connection to the local people. There's no connection to the community. They're more than happy to do whatever's asked of them. Whereas if you ask someone who a police team that was a part of that community,

you know, hopefully they would be a little more understanding about it and be like, well, this is where we fucking, or ideally that's what it should be. This is where we live. We need to be more measured in our response. Let me put a counterpoint out there. Kyle, are you changing the topic or more police stuff? It was just a police video I just watched. Okay, let me answer this thought you put out though let's say you're in a town

maybe it's not the biggest town and i say all your cops have to be locals you might have a really shitty talent pool you might be forced to hire billy bo bob who we all knew was a bully in high school because he's the only guy applying in ocean city for lifeguards this is before i got on there was an interview and all the local kids got a hundred percent on the interview and then people from out of town would get you know whatever five percent or whatever they deserved and it gave locals a leg up and when they figured out what was going on they got rid of it they're like this is the athletic competition's timed we don't hire people based on whether they live here or not and they got better guards if you had to hire cops that were nearby maybe you don't have the best

ones yeah and i'm sure you could extend it you know if there's a town with a hundred people and you need two cops there might not be someone that was qualified but as a whole like i do think it holds true that like a group of any sort of enforcement officials who is from the area they're being forced to enforce on like is going to be better than like okay people from a different city like a bunch of st louis cops going to handle a memphis riot i think they might be a little more apt to be like this we don't we don't fucking live in memphis like this isn't our community we have no ties here maybe i'm a million percent do what they'll let the thing go down horribly or they'll be too they might be too over too rough too aggressive like too apt to harm people i i see that maybe it's just a rule that applies to medium and large places that could be like i don't know what the fucking solution is but i and i think like like i don't want better cops as in when i think of better

cops like what does that even mean does it mean we're getting like a guy who's taller ones who are jacked like we're getting like a more like like a a a more efficient killer you know like if we're getting a more efficient killer then that's not what i was looking for but i i would like someone who's a little slower on the draw but maybe like went to high school with some of the people he's gonna be like showing up their houses because you there's so many scenarios where you see the cops show up at some fucking house trailer whatever and there's like an old person who's like not acting normal and it's like all right we this is a real scary situation here now that the cop is here that's what i always start feeling

is like you know now guns in the mix before the cop got here there was always the fact that i know i'm faster than that old lady and if she starts running at me i have this outrunner hey she'll get tuckered out if she chases me long enough. It'll make it easier to solve this thing. The cop is going to be like, one more step and you're dead, granny. Like that's their attitude. So when you bring them there, like you need to know that.

I know that the US just instituted some new phone number and the fact that like neither of you probably have heard about it and that I can't remember it as a good sign that they're not advertising enough. But I think there's a new mental health hotline that you're supposed to call like 998 or something if you got like a kooky neighbor who might need to be looked in on there's no way they're not sending the cops anyway they're still gonna send those two guys

in the black and white dude if you if you call the cops though like if someone's acting erratically in a dangerous way, they should send the cops. You don't send a fucking 21 year old girl social worker to try and handle that. You're sending her into a mission that can't be won. I'd have you call 988 on me all the time. That's what they were going to do. Yeah, I'm feeling real lonely. I might do something. I don't know. I know I have a Missouri number,

but my enemy, Kyle, if he doesn't get his dick sucked by a sexy social worker, he's going to go on a rampage. He wants to eat gummies with a 22-year-old and watch Lord of the Rings 2. It's 211. That's the number Kyle talked about. I think I Googled it.

I think I got it right. Mental health hotline. This is for non- You call a cop if it's a life-threatening mental health thing if it's not two one one and apparently again human they say on the internet yeah i know i'll say this like like if i had someone in my life going through like a manic episode or something like that i no way i call the cops no like they're you are bringing a an auto cannon into the mix you might as well be bringing like a terminator and who has like protocol you're not bringing a person who's

going to make rational decisions they're going to kill your loved one if they make one mistake and they'll kill your dog for fun oh they'll kill your dog for fun they love smoking dogs i just can't imagine some piece of shit cop breaking into my house and shooting Fozzie and Teddy. Oh, they'd explode. They would. They'd use the 12 gauge. They'd use the 12 gauge and just absolutely pop my 12-pound dog.

You just hear, dog! Boom! Boom! I got him, Sarge. I got him. Tank goes down. Look at him. Shaking in the corner threateningly.

Don't worry, Johnson. You're going to get a medal for this. Messingly. I guess it's 988. I feel like Zach corrected me. 2-1-1 is for... Don't call any of those numbers. 2-1-1, I guess, is for non-emergencies and you might get a food shelter or a food bank or a shelter 211 and 988 is a non-threat non-life-threatening mental health

what if there was a number called where they would just send a big guy who was on your side no matter what i like that yeah what what if you called 1000 and they would send a 6'2", 220-pound guy, a black man, who is on your side no matter what the argument you're having is? You know what I want? I should be able to yell the N-word

at Kroger. You got a problem with Taylor expressing himself? He would back you up. He would give you a hood pass. What's that disease that makes those people like Tourette's? No, no, no.

Their skin goes from dark to light. Vitiligo. He would have your back. Vitiligo. Something like that. Taylor's got Vitiligo. He can say what he wants. He'd have your back. He'd be there with the N word card I don't know why you went specifically to a race based thing

because you said he was black and I imagined the funniest thing for someone having to be defended would be a horrible person doing something racist remember those Super Bowl commercials where you had Terry Tate the office linebacker like that those were good Remember the Super Bowl commercials where you had Terry Tate, the office linebacker or whatever?

Like that. Those were good. You're able to bring Terry Tate, the office linebacker, into your life anytime you need to. If somebody's giving you a hard time, let's say Granny's got a knife. I want Terry Tate there, not a cop. Terry Tate's going to fucking knock her out, get the knife away. He's dealt with a crazy bitch or two himself. You know Terry Tate. you know popping in my head when i'm in an xbox lobby and someone's talking trash in a british accent

i don't fuck with them these people are experts at their craft it just you give too much credit to these brits they're stupid retards too you can make fun of them no they're less stupid retard than me and if i if i see a british guy and i'm just like he's gonna outwit me fuck this i'm not into it you know why they don't have guns they have to work with their heads all the time if they came here they'd lose right that's for sure they would we'd get kneecapped right away we'd shoot them but but online they're're British and they're here with me and I have to do a battle of wits with the British people fuck that you know what I could go for is a little

revenge of history I would love to conquer the United Kingdom and like name them like Tin-a-soda something terrible and be like you're the 52nd state and they're like oh i bought there's like six different places here there's england there's ireland there's northern ireland

it's like shut the fuck up you're from new delaware idiot new alabama because they're british they're incest they need to be new alabama yeah they're gonna be new alabama yeah new alabama teeth are perfect i was i've been thinking a lot about who I would conquer if I became president. England, for sure, dude. I would take the British Isles because I don't want England. England's already so down with us. Anytime we want to go to war or make an economic policy, they might as well be a state.

They are, bitch. We don't want to be propping their shitty economy up. They like to pretend they're an independent country, but they kind of just do what we tell them to. But if we took those British Isles down there, all of those vacation properties is what I'm thinking. All those places that people fly to. I don't know who owns Tahiti, but take that

too. The Bahamas? How about New Zealand? We could conquer New Zealand in a half hour and think of how awesome it would go. What are we going to do with that buck-toothed pregnant woman that leads them? I don't fucking care. She can be a puppet. She can just be a figurehead that when we come over, we're like, yeah,

Jakinda or whatever her name is, you can stay in charge as a puppet, but just know your entire economy is now about getting people from the Midwest to a funner beach. I don't know if New Zealand has a great economy. I don't think we want a dependent. We want something that could be a cash cow. Oh, you're,

you're, you're mistaken. Uh, we wouldn't help. We would just take advantage, like the same way we are with Mexico where we're like, we like carved out a little bit of Cancun, like the best beach area.

And then we go there. We'll do that with New Zealand as well. Like we'll find whatever the best beaches are in New Zealand. They can still run their own shit in, in theory, but we're going to be overseeing it are they going to be like paying are they going to like pay taxes to us they're absolutely going to pay taxes well if they pay taxes we have to provide like i mean who's going to handle that's true in theory it seems like the roads and bridges will kind of crumble away without us like what's new zealand what's new zealand going to do other

than cry about it you ever see those kiwis what are they gonna do oh i brought yeah he's not entirely fair you came in here you stole our land and now you're just using his beaches and it's like i don't know what you're saying idiot shut up you're a second class citizen now because you've got a new zealand patch on your arm and i'm an american however we set it up down there can we can we do like a like a like do like a Nazi thing and put some sort of sash on them so we can identify them? Well, not just an arm patch.

That was very gauche. We'd have like a good looking hat or something. That Star of David is a cool ass symbol. I wish I could rock that. I remember seeing Vin Diesel in that movie, The Knock Around Guys. He had the Star of David tattoo, and I always thought that looked pretty slick. That is like Star of David, very good-looking icon.

The perfect, like the two triangles inverted. You got the six points. It looks good. I like the Star of David. Yeah, that's a good one. Can I do another question? Isn't it five? Is it six points?

No. Yeah, it's a triangle and then another triangle uh uh that's a pentagram pentagram is the is the five point which is also cool but it's the same one right it's also cool yeah uh all right this is a paragraph long so buckle up okay a question for everyone probably mainly kyle my girlfriend just broke up with me and i thought she was the one so this poor guy got dumped. It's been on and again off again for a few years, not unlike Kyle's past experience. In fact, this has attempted to drive me to suicide and into the depths of depression and addiction.

So hearing Kyle's story meant a lot to me. This time around, we both gave it a solid try and it didn't work and I'm ready to move on forever. I don't want kids or a relationship in the foreseeable future. I just want to have fun and fuck around but i don't enjoy high energy parties or going to clubs mainly because i never get laid doing that but because my personality can't shine and i feel awkward i'm an attractive dude with a good body but at the end of the day it's the personality that seals the deal basically my question is how do i be a hoe when i don't enjoy loud environments with tons of people I don't know? It's overwhelming.

I just want friends with benefits, meaningless sex. And then there's a PS. I'm on Tinder and I get a lot of responses, but it fizzles out. Yeah, you want to be on like all the dating sites that you can afford and you want to pay for the premium versions of them. They cost money. Yeah, they can. What do you get for the premium various things uh one of the big ones is you can see who's looked at you or liked you depending on like the service it things that help you get more likes literally there there are ways that you can pay to like boost and make sure that your profile is on the on everybody's homepage, essentially, that works.

When I would pay for a boost, I would time it so that I was like, okay, people get off work at 5 p.m., probably home and sitting in a chair by 7 if they're like, I just figured that someone's chicks are on Tinder at 7 p.m. That's the hot time. So like, all right, we'll boost at 6.30 and we'll run through there. It would be so effective. So like, all right, we'll boost at 630 and we'll run through there. And like, it would be so effective. Like, as far as, you know, I can't read your text messages to women and see what you're saying.

That's not like sealing the deal. So who knows why one, why two people don't like, you know, hook up or make things work together. But I would say it's really important to be direct and, but not too direct. And if you don't know the difference then you're just gonna have to go by experience because i you gotta you gotta be somewhere between let's fuck and i've i've had success with the first one i've had success all right so let me just say this you can it's easy to get a fucking female pen pal that you fucking chat with every day and

nothing ever happens those are a dime a dozen but so you can go that route and hope that that this chick is eventually going to be like oh by the way i would love your penis inside me one night come to my house they're never going to be that direct about anything women don't really do that so you're going to have to be the one that's like, come to my house, like set up a date at your own home, get them there. And you know, generally often sometimes you're going to want to have a bar near your house that you're going to invite them to like, be like, Hey, like I under be understanding that dating is scary for women as well. Like you need to like, you need need to i would often like bring that up right away like be like hey i i know it's a little sketchy we just met or whatever we just started talking

but would you like to go grab a drink and or maybe something to eat tonight there's this place kind of between us we could meet there i'm gonna be there either way this way you know i'm not a crazy or something hey look make tell your friends you're gonna be meeting me there whatever you want to do you know i'll like i want to prove to you that i'm not a crazy like no just show up my name is matthew woodworth and i'm from raleigh i will say this like the first hint of being a fucking creep that you ever accidentally give to a woman who doesn't feel safe with you yet is going to be an immediate, like dry as the desert pussy, blocking

you, stringing you along a little because now she's afraid. What's creep? Like if you say, dude, you look great. I'd love to jump those bones. Creep? You're like, aim for the middle. Now you've got to get a feel of like those bones i like that one right so like it definitely depends like what if she's dressed like a skeleton

that would be good if she had like if she was dressed as a skeleton on there or if she had an eating disorder that'd be hot too yes like let her know know that you've noticed she's been putting the work in. Right. Yeah. She's been hitting that toilet three, four times. Anorexia. No, you've got to feel that out to know if it's time to start talking in a more of an adult way. Like, hey, you're...

Nice tits. Literally, there's a point where you're going to say nice tits and to her that's going to be a genuine compliment from someone she likes yeah after she sends a picture of her tits to you well yeah if she sends a picture of your tits which demonstrates a like all right if she's sending nudes then we're already in the home stretch right like like now you just have to like send nudes that she's not going to be grossed out by right like like now you just have to like send nudes that she's not gonna be grossed out by right yeah like i just said i just squat over my phone i don't even send it to dick pic it's just my hairy asshole it's a gift it's a gift of my hairy asshole and i'm like i'm like flexing it yeah winking my ass. That's how I get girls.

I guess my takeaway from Kyle's thing was the premium aspects of the dating sites are worth the money and unless she's giving you hints kind of aim for making this happen without being crude

and outright like, you know, let's fuck bitch. You should be trying to form a connection with this person because a you want a connection with them at to some like presumably you don't literally just want a wet hole you may you might want to like well it depends where you're at in life all right sometimes that's where you're at in life okay fair enough but but what i'm getting at is like your initial job is to form a connection and find out if there is a connection and find the things you have in common and talk those up right like like that's step one if she's wants your dick like she's gonna let you know so obviously like like within the first hour or two and you then

you can transition into like just sending her your address but but the main thing is like if you can make the date happen at your house then you really need to make the date happen at your house like it's much it's so much easier to like transition a date at your house where it's like dinner and a movie um to sex or whatever you're it sounds like that's what you want i never did like the just come well, actually that's not true. I did that a few times, but usually it was like, we'd like grab a drink somewhere. And that was more as a way to be like, Hey, I'm a normal guy. Like, let's go grab a drink.

You'll be able to see that I'm normal. We'll be around a ton of people. And then you'll feel comfortable enough to come back with me when you realize I'm not a murderer. This is when I became high level Tinder back in the day. This is what I also did is I would, I would get the in and set up the sex date for them to come over and us to fuck. And what I would do is after that was secured, I would start mentioning passively plans I had at 10 o'clock, 10 o'clock, 1030. And they were coming over at seven, 730. 10 o'clock 10 30 and they were coming over at 7 7 30 and so the whole time i gotta be like i can't wait it's gonna be so nice to meet you it's a damn shame i have to go to my buddy's thing at 10 and so they would come over and we'd have sex and then by like 9 30 9 45 i was like god damn it the

time has flown by like i gotta hit you back up we gotta hang out again this was a bunch of fun and then i would go hang out with my friends and they'd be like taylor did you do the tinder thing again where you where you like tell a girl to come over and then you fuck and then you have plans at 10 and i was like yeah dude the plans at 10 thing works great because then i would like just walk across the street to where all my friends live in the apartment complex and hang out the rest of the night like a like a stag like a single guy, I've definitely had girls like – I had a girl come over one time, and then she's like – Is that psychopathic?

No, no. That's normal, right? I think that's from Seinfeld even. Having to get up early in the morning, all that stuff. Why do you want that? I never pulled the – it's because I wanted to go hang out with my friends that night, but I didn't want to bring a girl that I wasn't really that interested in with me. And so I would say, like, you come over, we'll fool around,

and then, oh, my stars and garters, I've got to head out. And then you usher her out, and then you go to your friend's house. My dumb ass didn't contemplate the idea you'd be having sex with someone that you didn't want to have sex with again. And not today. Well, not to, yes,

not today. Like some, some recurring customers, but like, it wasn't like, and most of these, most of these girls also were not like, Oh,

I wanted to spend the whole night together. They're like, no, I got my dick. I want to go home. And that's what they want. Like, yeah,

I've only ever had, I got my dick. I want to go home. That's what they want. I've only ever had I think one or two girls this one girl she had pajamas and I was like, oh shit. I didn't say anything, but I was thinking you just assumed that

it was pajama time. She's in a full pajama thing. Like, like she had planned to spend the night over and that was the first time I'd ever met her. And it was like, okay, well,

it's fine. I guess I'm a light sleeper. I know you won't rob me in the night. We'll be good. Yeah. I do that. Realizing that someone's spending the night when you don't want them to is a troublesome thing. I had that.

I fooled around with a girl in the bathroom of a restaurant probably five years ago. It was called Bar Louie in Central West End. I'm not sure if it was an RV. No, it wasn't an RV. It was Bar Louie in Central West End where i lived at the time uh when i was in the city and i remember going there and i was just blackout drunk it was late at night and i was like with this girl and not with her but like but i went to the restaurant across my my apartment and met up with a friend of mine and he was like this this cute girl is kind of into

you and i was like oh that's neat but i was fucking wasted and then we went all with all of us went to bar louis and i saw a girl that i knew had a crush on me in high school that i hadn't seen in many years and she ditched her date and we started talking and then we went in the bathroom and she wanted me to do cocaine with her and i said no that's okay you can just suck me off and so then she started giving me head in the bathroom there. And I could hear outside the bathroom, the girl I was with prior to this, like getting like pissed and like talking to my friend, Tim,

like what the fuck is wrong with your cunt friend? And like, I was so drunk. I didn't, I didn't realize like what I had done was so like shitty. Oh, was that wrong? Yeah. And so then, then we just left and went back to my place and we fooled around for a while and after that i remember being like you want to watch an episode of sunny or something like and in my head i was like this will be the 20 minute buffer before you leave yeah and she goes to the bathroom comes back out full frilly fucking comfortable sleeping clothes and then it's like okay you're a real

true piece of shit if you tell her to leave or you imply she should leave you are truly garbage a garbage to your person you have to let this girl stay and so then it's like oh well you're more than welcome I was expecting you to stay the whole time I got some Gatorades you want some Gatorades out of my single guy apartment

blue it's green it's the worst flavor i've got two greens in there oh i remember she was like do you have anything else to drink i was like i have half a bottle of tequila and two green gatorades and she was like that's fine here's another thing bachelors uh here's a couple things, bachelors, who aren't getting laid. Get a trash can with a lid on it for your bathroom and don't fucking use it. Just leave it there. It's for women.

And also, fix your hygiene. If you're not using the deodorant that causes cancer, then you just smell. If you're not bathing... All right, so let me explain this to some of you because not every, not everyone grew up with dads and not everyone had a dad who was not a piece of shit. Yeah. All right. Let's say you got a date at eight o'clock.

All right. You're going to leave your house at 730 and you'll be there 30 minutes to pick her up. Let's just say that this is in a fantasy where like people drive in cars to pick up people who live 30 minutes away for dates. This is where I grew up. You take your bath, your shower at 7pm. The last minute.

Do you know why, boys? It is so that your asshole and your balls don't reek. I've had so many girlfriends be like, oh, you smell so good i'm like uh it's called because you're a clean guy and you're curvy like what's that smell and i'll be like it's soap and deodorant that's my balls bitch it's called soap and deodorant and i've asked women about like smelly gut she's like i've had women have told me that they've had guys that

would like like when he took his pants off the room was filled with a stink oh good gosh like he's not wiping his butt well enough or something no just like bo like his balls and junk are all so sweaty and like you gotta keep him like like this guy has driven to somebody's house to like it's red panty night and and like this is this is what what i'm saying is like like just be the best version of you if you're gonna go on a date that's what you should be that's that's the fraud that we all tell the opposite sex this is how i am all the time like you you should be spending the whole week to peak at that moment for your day think of that as well like like yeah like all right is your house clean does it smell good

are there shit stains in your toilet fix those things do you know how many compliments i got in that like tinder dating era because i had a nice apartment i kept it very fucking clean there was never like a bag of garbage sitting there if it got mostly clean i would take it out and i always that was at the time when i was like into making candles i would and this was a great end and i would like have candles and i would like light them and they would be like it smells so nice and i'd be like that's great that's actually a peppermint candle i made a few days ago and then you start chatting about things like that and they're like wow this is what a straight man like candles i don't feel threatened like because they thought i was gay for a little bit but then but then I got hard for pussy so they knew I wasn't gay. They knew that you weren't strictly gay.

They knew I wasn't only gay. They knew I'd die. They still know you're bi. I think in my opinion, you've got to be able to read the room to know whether it's time to start being more direct about sex. Because if

you start talking about sex too early, you are that guy who's getting memed on reddit for like being like opening up like well I want that pussy all right that is net the only time your opening should be I want that pussy is if sure pussy is visible in her profile picture mm-hmm I saw a girl one time she had her tits out in her profile picture it's not allowed I was about to ask but who's rebel but who's gonna flag her profile picture it's not allowed i was about to ask nobody but who's rebel but who's gonna flag her right like who's gonna flag a woman i'm certainly not i'm not gay the first thing i said was about her big titties in her profile what am i gonna be like oh so you like

you like literature huh no she wants to talk about literature she clearly wants to talk about them big titties like read the room is the real thing because and like something like i don't know if you've experienced this too kyle sometimes like when you were chatting with them they would bring up sex first and then almost as a way to reinforce how much you don't even care you're not even interested you're getting so much that's not even tempting to you you just keep on with your current conversation just be like nice and then you just keep talking about whatever other benign thing you were talking about and that makes them think that little fishing lure didn't work this guy this guy's not not quite as horny as the other 3 000 losers i've

talked to on this app and that makes them realize another way you're not a fucking weirdo and that you're not gonna fucking and also and also realize that you are like you are not a fucking weirdo and that you're not gonna fucking and also and also realize that you are like you are not a commodity as a single man on this dating website i know like there's like i don't mean like whoever's listening to this you probably aren't if if you need help you aren't okay you are one and you you are not one in a million you are a million of a million what does it mean to stand out as a guy that's what yeah that's what we're talking about you have to be like either have a body like kyle's like outrageously ripped or you have to be funny like i i had a better approach like getting them to to laugh or like telling jokes and stuff because

like i looked oh i looked good in my photos because i was at then but i didn't you know i wasn't you know turning turning eyes or anything i think that like it's like having like like thirsty pictures like i i would use on tinder like like help to get like um to the conversation stage but if we get there and i'm a dumb dumb like we're not going anywhere from there either you know like it's definitely helpful to get to the conversation stage if i don't know your chicks are starting the conversation with like you know with compliments about that if that's their thing that's a lot of guys have gene pics where they look good it's not that rare now yeah

but that's all i put on there. Well, a lot of guys. In another way, that's kind of what my profile is saying in general, right? It's that I'm looking for a good time, mostly. And that's a question that I would ask a lot. What are you looking for on here? And I think it's a cliche. It's probably not a smart thing to ask, but it's what I really want the answer to they're always going to follow up with what do you

want on here and then that's when you act confused you should literally tell them I'm not sure something between a friend with benefits situation or a hookup or maybe even something that leads to a relationship kind of looking for a sex slave

I'm looking for a sex slave. I'm looking for like a 90 pound Asian girl who will pop the zits on my back and I'm looking for someone to fuck occasionally, but it's mostly a laundry and dishes job. Remember that's what Boogie wanted. Like, like, like we were, he was,

he was like holding, he was like, I was like i don't have time for all these hoes i'm i'm holding out for like my my perfect girl and it's like well what's your like half cackling at this point because he i think that was probably the same episode where he talked to us about intimidating people at the fucking gas station he intimidated him with his fucking fence post teeth they saw his gums were bleeding and they thought he had a polo. Oh my God. These are some white vinyl planks he's got in his mouth.

Here's the thing on that. If I have my fence right, that perfect girl he was describing that we all thought was like ridiculously aiming high was his like low key girlfriend. And I think she might have been his sugar baby. So when he was like, I'd like a lightweight Asian girl. He's describing his sugar baby. I wasn't laughing

as hard at the sugar baby comments he made as the, when I walk into a gas station, fucking people look. And it's like, yeah, it's not because you're scary. It's because the chips are scary. It's because the chips are shaking. It's because the Snickers container is bouncing around as you're walking around there.

I had an issue with that. So he's so heavy. He can't fight. It's an athletic endeavor. It's not any different than a guy who was really small or a girl talking about how everyone was afraid of her physical prowess. Yeah.

Like, probably not probably not you just don't pretend you're a tough guy well the the number one guaranteed way to get more pussy is of course by maximizing your loads with a bottle of lock and load i'll tell you this exactly amongst your profile pictures if you doesn't matter what you've got up there if you also have a picture of like a test tube with like eight ten milliliters of cum in it women love that shit okay when they love it they when they when they know that you're a fertile man who could blast them so full of baby batter that they end up with their own tLC reality show when they're done. When you're done. Women want to be scared of how fertile you are. Yeah.

Yeah. They want to see you as a threat. They want to wonder if they, if they even have enough eggs to, to, to be with a man like, yeah, you know,

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