Painkiller Already - PKA 605 W/ Blame Truth: BT Gets Banned, Meeting Johnny Depp, Taylors Terrible Tale

Episode Date: July 23, 2022

Painkiller already. 605 with guests. Harley and Blame Truth. No Woody this week. I don't want to tell you guys what happened to Woody, but there was an incident on the trip. The trip did not go as planned. It's pretty bad.

Woody will tell you next week. We don't even know. We literally didn't want to know. I heard a little bit, and it sounds pretty fucked up. I do want to say that. Kyle and I got one little hint, no backstory, so we're saving it for next week. But like you said, Harley and Blame Truth,

thank you guys for coming. This episode of PKA brought to you by BetterHelp. Also, our friends over at Death by Gummy Bears and Wonky Weeds. And of course, the premier cum-increasing, volume-increasing, orgasmic, fantastic, trembib trembulous fantabulous load increasing solution you know what we should have is like a like a willy wonka themed like something that's very overtly sexual we play into the efficacious drugs and also the pedophile angle because willy wonka was was a bit of a you know he hated did you did you not see the film oh that was a cover

obvious he let them perish at every step of the way did you did you not see the film oh that was a cover obvious he let them perish at every step of the way did you see him watching those kids bend over picking chocolate roses he couldn't he couldn't look away he was disgusted by their greed and and and and vice he hated them but anyway harley blanchard thank you guys for coming in in woody's absence i just before the show, blame truth. He started talking and Kyle and I were like, that sounds perfect. So you have a discord and it got banned.

Can you fill us in on what led to that? What happened? Yeah. My, my discord account, uh, my server's okay, but my account got banned because I was a part of the Conway whale

watchers, wings of redemption, troll discord. I actually just part of the Conway whale watchers, wings of redemption, troll discord. I actually just streamed the Northman with those guys. Those are cool guys. Like we streamed the Northman and had a good old time. We had a good old time. They are cool guys.

They are cool guys. And, um, we had a great time. And then I hop on discord and I'm just banned. Uh, they, they nuked that server.

I think wings took it down. They nuked that server. Everybody in it it down they nuked that server everybody in it just got fucking banned uh straight up no questions asked couldn't can't get it back so i'm i'm discordless right now but not a big deal you know yeah i think he's got going on right now i don't i don't know the short and long of it and i frankly don't care but uh he's got some kind of drama going on so it's probably uh tangentially related to all that but yeah the whale watchers yeah um the aptly named group of uh wings aficionados why did why would they get banned for uh for that discord what are you guys doing in there surely not just laughing what were you up to blame truth because it sounds to me like a

whole lot it's funny i i told my twitch stream, I'm like, hey, guys, I'm streaming the Northmen on Conway Whale Watchers, you know, just like doing it for fun. And some people came in like one time. They came in one time to watch the Northmen. Never said a fucking word. Got banned for life on Discord. That is bizarre. Yeah.

You'd think it would be like if they had a whale watching Discord where it like had the rules of the zoo where it was like, we're here to discuss the laughable things, but do not participate. Don't touch the animals. This is the zoo. But I bet they went over the line and they tried to create content by like

poking a gorilla or throwing sandwiches at a bear, which is obviously in poor taste. Well, someone wings use the word blackmail because he doesn't know what it means, but, but someone's trying to extort some money. someone's trying to extort some money out of wings well that's fucked up i don't like that yeah using the the take they claimed it was like a discord discord said it was like a server meant for harassment but i wasn't i mean it sounds like

it's a discord made for harassing someone. So really, you know what? I'm fine with that. Like minded individuals getting together for a good time. It's I like I like that he gets that W, though. I feel like he needed that. And the thought of him fucking coming in, just clearing out like a thousand or however many people were in there. Plus even plus just the just the extra people,

the collateral damage of people that were innocent that got murked. They just got caught up in Wings' wrath. Some of my viewers who had never even seen or said anything just got fucking banned. Vanquished them from Discord. I wonder how he would feel if he knew that you had been swept up in all of this.

I think I tweeted at him like, come on, dude. Like, seriously. He's got bigger fish to fry right now. He's like, oh, I'm sorry, Blame Truth. This group of 2,000 people harassing me, I don't care for it. So, yeah, I'm going to request that they remove. People need to give wings a fucking break every now and then. The dude has run through the ringer 24-7 for the past 10 years.

Like, give him a bit. Well, you have to keep in mind like he randomly attacks people like at random he said i was addicted to adderall like two months ago i know but like i know but you're one of my close friends so i saw that and was immediately like obviously that's false but like yeah if he was going around being like taylor huge fan of black tar heroin i'd be like no no no i'm a high quality i like that like the the white stuff how much how much adderall do you have to do for it to be considered an addiction well i think that like i i don't know that's but i've never taken more than like a bottle right like i would get a prescription i

would get prescribed and i would take it like when I needed to get the house clean or something like that. I wouldn't take it regularly even. Not since middle school. But taking it regularly, is that addicted to it? People do get addicted to it easily. It can be,

but, but, but I don't know. I don't think that's the kind of addiction he's talking about. He's trying to suggest that I was like tweaking out on Adderall. Yeah, tweaking. Yeah,

that you were like trumping. I made a video, I made a video i made a video about him actually like wings and he watched it on his stream and he watched it live i actually caught him watching the video live and every point i brought up he just immediately dismissed there was no there's no like nothing was taken in it was like in one ear out the other it was worse is it a call of Duty? A video game critique video? Or like, hey,

I don't like what you're doing here. It was just a... I told him to just embrace the trolls. At the end of the day, I think they're fans that want to see him do better. Or ex-fans that want to see him do better. You know what I mean? Maybe. Some are.

I think some are i think some are i really do some are there because they think of themselves like an avenging spirit there to like look after all those kids that got yelled at 10 years ago i think he is i do think he's sitting on a gold mine potentially actually of engagement and stuff like that's a very big deal um i also i think like another person who's like you know can spin their thing into profits but pushes against it as brendan shob you guys know about oh yeah yeah i frequented the subreddit for like like through pandemic and stuff and i just saw you know how he responds but like i saw all those slogans and and like shawbisms and things and if

there's there's a way there's like a 90s wrestler wwf way to spin it into a bad guy type thing where you kind of root for it i don't know what the answer is but i do like find it interesting like in wings's case he does do the exact same thing all the time, and he's never happy with it. And I feel like re-strategizing his approach to the engagement he gets out there could be valuable. I don't think he's surprised by it. Millennially, I am shocked that no one is interested in producing a reality show

about his life. And I don't think I'm crazy about this. You try. I try. I think I, I try. I think that it's amazing. Like if you had cameras there and like at the end of every week, if he had to sit down with his family members in a circle, like the fucking circle of truth.

And they each had a camera on them and talking about like what, what happened is like, Hey, this week wings had some trouble with his fans. They, they had a crane order to the house. How did that make you feel? Well, I was trying to get my...

Louder than air! I jumped for the first time since the late 90s. Yeah. See, it would be so funny, I promise you. I would watch it. Having them recount the stories in person with one of those silly... You know those shows where they're talking be so funny i promise you because like just some i would watch it i would watch it like having them recount the stories in person with like one of those silly you know those shows where they're

talking about someone who got bit by a snake and they do it poorly the reenactment it's almost comedic a reenactment of him like getting that turd pulled out of his ass by his grandma or something like accompanying like story time like have him tell a story every now and then with a titty meow in the background it's just it's actually like a whole like it's like uh it's like young sheldon but it's wings it's like a full jordan there's an actor playing him yeah everybody hates jory that's a reality show yeah i actually really like the idea. And I'm not talking about, like, torturing him in any way at all. Not at all. But every episode he does something he hates.

Like, hates. Commercial fly. Coach commercial fly. He would be, if you told him that at the end of the season he has to fly to Los Angeles for an in in-studio like thing with his hero and ten thousand dollar check he'd be i don't know you know that june was when i like to you know stay in my trailer all alone so i don't know if i'm be able to make it he's so scared of commercial flights he wouldn't fly last time i don't know who his hero is see last time uh the state buff marshmallow man um the last the last time he was on a commercial flight, the guy next to him was like rude.

Like it was a flight from Conway, South Carolina or wherever he boarded his plane, Asheville probably or Spartanburg, wherever, to L.A. So that's like five and a half, six and a half hours, somewhere in there. And somebody was like, bro, seriously? Like somebody gave him okay wait wait as someone who's not like who has different dimensions than wings but is also a huge person like wings was rude i think when i get on the plane being who i am and i sit next to a regular person i do feel rude i'm like yeah if someone's like seriously i'm like bro i'd be so mad if i got to a seat and i was sitting next to me fuck this fucking idiot

sit next to shack so you know how it is you know all those tiny women feel i felt the same way but but then you know like like he was so upset by that he was considering renting a car and driving back from la oh god yeah really he lives on the east coast why see here's the thing not only does he live on the east coast he lives 20 minutes from the atlantic ocean people wait i wish i will you can hear seabirds you end up flying to la you go out over the pacific and loop back too so he would go ocean to ocean like forest fucking gump i i wish when that guy was like seriously i wish like he knew like i wish he embraced more like fuck this guy

yeah you know or in my case like i'm like yeah i know i'm shit sit down forget about it i wish wings like i feel like that's that's it right there that guy's like seriously and then he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna suffer driving back now rather than have that he should just be like fuck that bro i'm sitting i don't know what i'm gonna take up wings wings like like every time wings if my name is ever in wings mouth it's like that motherfucker stole my job like he's like mad at me he's like that he he got in and stole the money and like even knowing that and the years of that i just like i feel so fucking bad for the guy like he does his life and not feel like dude like i just did you guys did you guys hear about the new york times thing he did oh we know all about it yeah yeah

yeah uh have you seen the harley's benefit the new york times did an article on wings of redemption and like they have his picture in the article he can't stop talking about it before it happens and then he know like you think he would know by now don't talk about this shit before it happens. And then he knows, like you think he would know by now, don't talk about this shit before it happens. But like, he's like a kid on Christmas, like telling people about his new bike he got, you know? So he just can't,

he can't wait to spill the beans till after. So he's talking about how he's getting this New York times interview. And then the trolls of course, contact them and the article changes, you know, cause they contact him about the stuff he's, he said in the past. I just, i don't get

it's like the same mistake over and over and over it's insanity it's a definition of insanity yeah and it's just that i think uh the trolls are entirely powered and fueled by him like we were talking about that reality show if that happened and that reality show like wasn't a success on tv i do know that the clips channels is like a seven figure business oh if that reality show exists the wings clips channels on youtube taking like one two three minute bits from the show and recutting it that's a seven figure business and even if only one episode got released one 35 minute episode or something that's there for the next that's content for four years like four years god is it crazy for us to produce the show is it crazy to hire a film crew it's the most logical best

coolest thing guys i'm four hours away the first episode is just it's it Taylor and Wings getting lunch. Oh, that would be episode one. You guys are getting all on the table. And we're smoothing it over. Exactly. You guys show your cards, fully transparent. Oh, you buried the hatchet over all you can eat crab. We have a competition over all you can eat crab,

over who is the deserved host of PKA. After I slaughter him in that, I feign some false humility. Let me ask you a question. The thing I'm the most upset about is that he's not really 6'4". What? He's not really 6'4". That's what I'm upset. I'm going to show up, and of all the things you could be frustrated with,

I'm going to look for him like, wings! Wings! And then when I'm taller than him, what? Are your feet okay? what's going on what if you ate crab for for who would be host of pka and you're like three pounds deep and you're like no big deal i can keep going but you look at him and he's not even breaking a sweat he's not even breaking a sweat and not only that taylor they've got some of those cheesy red lobster biscuits and he starts eating those for the fuck of it just like he knows he can beat you with extra room to spare he's like i don't care he's like enjoying the biscuits like like chatting it up all

light-hearted he i would be so happy to see him do that because he's just blowing himself out i'm i'm the tortoise i'm eating until we start the competition sunday i'll wrap up tuesday afternoon he's gonna burn himself out so quickly on those cheddar biscuits. And I also guarantee that my dexterity, my speed in opening the crab, it's going to be unmatched. Oh, I'm sorry. Give me eight clusters. I'll be through that, devoured it, digesting for an hour while watching an episode of An Idiot Abroad. And he's still out there struggling with bloody fingers.

See, the problem with that, Taylor, is Wings of Redemption doesn't crack his crab open. He eats it whole. Shells it all. That's how he's so fast. He just downs the whole thing. If he survives the eternal bleeding, he's going to beat me. You know what's so funny about this?

We're having this conversation. The funniest thing is no one here can afford Wings. Even with everything going on in, yeah, you guys go and preach. The funniest thing is like, no one here can afford wings. Even with everything going on in his life, you want to do this? Like we can't afford this. Even if we all pulled together, we don't have the money to produce one season.

Just for his, just for his talent rate. I would have no confidence that we wouldn't get 40 minutes in like me, Kyle. And what do you get off a plane? And then he'd be like, you know what? I don't want to do this.'t get 40 minutes in like me, Kyle, and Woody get off a plane. And then he'd be like, you know what? I don't want to do this. And then he'd be like, but we're here.

I don't want to make a fool of myself. And it's like, that's what you've been doing for a decade. That's what he's contracted into though. That's what he's contracted into. So when he's like, I don't want to do it. You guys are like, great. This is the show. How about this?

We make him sign an NDAa legally binding harsh punishments after he's signed it he realizes he's signed a non-dairy agreement he can't have dairy until he's down to a bmi of 24 and that and that's the show is he's legally bound to not be and there's a cop that follow a dairy cop and he keeps him from consuming any dairy billy club he's head show. He's legally bound to not be... And there's a cop that follows... A dairy cop. And he keeps him from consuming any dairy. Billy Club. He's head on. It's going to be fun. Can I just be the cop since I have the mustache?

I'll wear this guy's... Impersonating a cop? That's not a crime if you're filming. Not in South Carolina. If you're filming, it's acting. Yeah, exactly. I'm just acting like I pulled this guy over. What are you mad about? I've long thought that he could literally... you know some of that reality stuff that actually gets popular is just so trash and so bad and his stories are real like that shit is real over

there that crazy stuff with people pulling turds out of buttholes and and fucking you're not gonna believe this but the problemings is not fat enough. My 600-pound life and those sisters who are behemoths in their own right. Yeah, like Wings can do jumping jacks-ish. He's quite athletic. He's quite athletic to be specific. He's like a running, jumping large man. He could do that kind of. He's a bit like Chris Farley.

He's going to break something in the house maybe, but listen. don't you like yo call him up right now we don't have his number you don't have his phone number uh-uh i have no way of contacting you're lying i swear to god i can't contact kitty has if i needed to get in touch with wings i'd be like kitty give me wings number and i could contact no zach you don't have to no No, we do not want his information. When he comes back, he's like, yo, I was gone for one episode and Wings was on. Oh, that was great. Wings taking Woody's job is the full circle. That's the full circle.

That's when it's complete. That's the final plot point, the full the full circle documentary yeah he goes is that uh woody decides that he's got enough money and he's gonna be a fly boy in spain and then wings jumps in it takes the reins and then like immediately the next week me and you would be sitting here like it's seven eastern and then we'd get a message like don't feel good and then we'd get a message like, don't feel good. Not going to make it tonight an hour and a half late.

It begins. Like the same thing. Oh, I was going to say this off the top of the show. So I had something happen to me this morning that had to do with my contacts. So I'll say this. I've worn contacts since I was six.

I'm 31. So that's 25 years. In no YouTube video, no documentary, no clip, no story I've, I've worn contacts since I was six. I'm 31. So that's 25 years in no YouTube video, no documentary, no clip, no story I've ever heard from anyone on earth. Have I heard of this happening? Never didn't know it could. So if you have good eyes, like, I don't know if you guys all do, or if you have contacts, you may think like, like I know Kyle has great eyes. So I have the contacts that you can sleep in. Like it doesn't hurt them to sleep in them. And so you might think that when I wake up in the morning, I see the way you do just like clear,

but contacts, they take like five minutes, like three, five minutes to kind of get acclimated. It's a little fuzzy and that's the way it is. And so I get up this morning and I begin my routine. I get out of bed, I go brush my teeth and I sit on the toilet to take a shit. And I pull out my, my phone and I'm, I'm pulling up r slash hockey i want to see if there's any trade news or anything and i'm reading and as my vision is clearing i see a spider like here like hanging from a thread like in front of my face and i go like just a teeny little spider teeny little thing but i see it and i and it goes away and i look back at my phone and then I see that fucking spider up there again. And so then I go back to look, wondering how the spider could still be there.

I hate where I think this is going. I go to move my eye and like a floater, this now clear spider body that is dead and crumpled. It is moving around my, it's on my, it's in my eye. I can, and now I'm shooting. I have a white cat. It's starting to freak out because now I'm focusing and I go, and I go, and then I stop and I, and I wait for my vision to come back and I look at my phone and then right in the middle of the trade news, there's a dead spider curled up.

I can see, I can see its legs. I can see all the fucking detail of it. I'm scared because I didn't realize in the first couple seconds that it was dead, but it had that classic curled up thing. And so I take out my contact. I've never done this in my life. I used my finger and like a zamboni

on my eye and just rubbed and pushed and moved around and it was a horrible morning to wake up with a spider in my eye it was in my eye i've never heard of that that's never i've never heard of that either what happened like you think like you were sleeping you were sleeping and it like it nestled into your eye and you kind of like closed your eye really tight on it while sleeping or something it was so little it was a little baby spider i bet that it was trying to get a drink from my eyes and then it ground on my

contact. Your eye, your eye was a body of water. Yeah. This was, I I'm like, I'm genuine. I'm not doing a bit.

I'm doing a bit, but like, I'm also very nervous to go to bed tonight. Like, Oh, I immediately called an exterminator and was like, I want you guys to come out to my house as soon as possible. Cause I can't deal with this shit.

And what happened? You're like, there's a baby spider. It was like i want you guys to come out to my house as soon as possible because i can't deal with this shit and what happened you're like there's a baby spider in my eye it was like you you don't know how you react until like you see that it could have been way worse it could have been way worse because you could have gotten pink eye in all this messing around with your eye while you're shitting and like well see i hadn't wiped yet i wouldn't have been going okay oh my god what if you had poop in your hand like like like like like like like he saw spiders all day for spiders really yeah i'll deal with pink eye for a week rather than spiders in my eye and i was worried i'm like what kind of spider is this like did it bite my eye is it's little enough that there's no way it like is it laying eggs in there yeah they do that do that. They do that. I wouldn't,

I would, that spider in the eye sounds the worst. Yeah. I'd rather, I'd rather you all fuck me in the ass, included, than I get spiders in my eyes. Unironically.

No homo. No, make it as gay as the day is long. Just don't care. No more spiders in my eye. It was, it was such a scary way to wake up and it wasn't until like after i got it out that it like really hit me in the morning and i like got a bunch of heebie-jeebies and like almost like sounds like you handled it all right though

because it really could have been it could have been really bad could have been way i would have like yeah like i would have been like punching my eye out. I would have been freaking. I thought it was under my contact at first. It scared the shit out of me. Once I realized it was likely because like, you know, if like a little thing like that gets stuck in your eye, just like a speck of dirt, your eye has ways to like flush that out through tears. But under your contact or I'm sorry, on a contact, it's going to stick. And so clearly that thing just stuck to the outside of my contact the same way like dirt and stuff will if you leave your contacts in too long

it was a fucking rough morning I'm still I don't want to go to bed tonight you're not safe your eyes it's crazy because it's a very low impact story but it's actually insane yes it's really not a big deal nothing bad

happened but to me also I'm also like, it's probably going to be the most fucked up thing that'll ever happen. It's so bizarre that your eye was able to focus on it being that close. It makes me wonder if he had a little message for you and you killed him before he could deliver it. Like he was sending you a message from a tiny realm. I'll say this. Tomorrow, if you're reading the hockey news on the toilet

and you see a tiny spider in your vision give him a minute before you crush him see what he's got to say he might have a little poster boy i switched to my glasses immediately because i think this will be a better defense like you know that old story where they tell you things like you know throughout your adult life eight spiders will crawl in your mouth and then you watch like a real explanation of that and they're like yeah believe it or not spiders don't actively crawl into warm predators mouths like that's they survived billions of years because they don't do that but they will drink out of your eye and die in there so be warned everyone yes i love that your eyeball was a body of water and like it was like excellent

like yeah source of it's like an oasis and it gets there and it's all glass glass over like he was he was bamboozled by your contact i mean i i took when i took my contact out i was searching all over it and i couldn't find a little fucker on there so i i don't know maybe maybe he's on like the back maybe he's gonna be like controlling me soon like ratatouille redirecting me around feeding myself sugar whatever spider's like well everybody like sugar and flies of course i was uh i've been in like you know you know the weird youtube tangents you get on sometime i've been enjoying uh catastrophic dam collapses like you know like a dam that holds back a river a body of water dude yeah it's interesting there are some wild videos of dams and then the stories of dams

collapsing do you know there was a dam in china in like 1965 and they started building it and it was it was like overseeing a quarter million people and like the main head architect a couple years in was like you only have five sluice grates we need 12 sluice grates this aren't this not high quality and then he quits and they're like no you you'll fire and so then they leave they only make it with five sluice grates that really gets sketchy before it's done so they bring this guy back again and he goes i'm not participating until you add sluice grates and better high quality concrete and then he quits the second time and the chinese government was like it's fucking fine this guy's just a worry wart well soon after it's done the dam breaks and results in keep in mind it's not raining this is a dam break it results in the third largest flood

in global history and killed a quarter million people oh like flooded an area like the size of delaware or something holy like it is it's wild and then i'm immediately i looked up like dams near me what are they right now actually any big ones but yeah those are fun damn then i started watching natural disaster videos those earthquake ones are scary i'm glad they only upload the clips of the ones where people aren't dying you know what i mean i remember i remember like when that tsunami happened i remember like watching it on tv and like we were there it's like on tv it's happening live they're filming it from like a chopper. And you're watching these cars driving.

And like people were just like there's a lot of people there. And people were like, look, they're not even – they're never going to get like the water is right there. Like look what's going to happen. And then like the water just was coming. We're like, yeah, see? And then like four seconds passed and you're just kind of like we're watching thousands of people die right now it was a quarter million people that died we did it like literally in the seconds on the screen there like it was like thousands people you don't even think about like you're not even gonna like they're driving it's not

gonna happen and then the water comes then you're just like oh this was actually really fucked up just now but because of how things are like like i'm just desensitized like i remember like when i got to school this is gonna sound so much more fucked up than it is gonna sound so fucked up i was like in the 10th grade 11th grade and i got to i went to the bathroom and when i came back from the bathroom uh the class was all quiet and the teacher was like it was him he did it i guess it's some like weird joke kind of and i was like what are you talking about and they were like oh like while you were gone um there was like an attack on the world trade center and i was like oh and the teacher was like yeah i was making a joke like you did i was like oh okay and i like sat down like the class is happening and i don't think

anything like the world trade center okay it was attack of the world trade center and like another teacher came they're like oh it was like it was planes and they uh it's really it's really fucked up it's super fucked up and teacher was like oh shit like oh no then they it was because they attacked the second one now yeah so now it was super weird they thought it was a mistake i remember that yeah yeah yeah it was super weird and now it was like really fucked up however they said oh yeah another plane happened i was still there and i was like okay and people around me were like okay and then shortly after that the the principal went on and said that uh school was out after lunch like it was the period before lunch that like schools out like go home because it's fucked up and i remember canada yeah and i remember being like we stayed

all day in georgia i was literally like how's this fucked up i was literally like, how's this fucked up? I was literally like, I remember like Oklahoma City bombing. School didn't stop. Like there was nothing in my head that was like important about it, really. And then I went home, played Counter-Strike and killed like 150 people in a couple hours. But like I'm so desensitized. It was only like when I went like to ground zero or like two years later and I really thought about it and I was there that I was like, yo, this is fucked up. Yeah. I had something kind of similar, not like a natural disaster, but I was in a forensic science class in high school.

We went on a field trip to the morgue. So, yeah, pretty cool yeah pretty cool right actually sounds pretty interesting yeah we we get there uh i think i was a junior so 16 or so most of the class was around that age 15 16 we go to this morgue and um this i feel like anybody that works at the morgue is just fucking weird i don't know like this dude this dude kind of like hunches out you know like a of course like a fucking it's always sunny side character yeah uh fucking like hunches out and he's just like you guys want to see it you came here to see a dead body didn't you like yeah did he have like jokes where he's like anyone want to see a dead body and then everybody goes yeah and he goes any

volunteers he was not that ghoulish for a mortician he was not that self-aware no he didn't have like uh he didn't have like a tight like a tight five like he gives like a stick he's like here to poke with he's like nah i'm kidding yeah yeah no we've been here for two minutes and he's humping his stool like we thought we thought we thought this was a joke like we thought this was a joke because okay so he's like you want to see a dead body and we're like yeah sure woo and he he goes and gets one and rolls it out and he's just like this one came in like literally just this morning a couple hours ago and he unzips it and he's just like suicide victim like shot himself in the head uh double

barrel shotgun under the under the chin oh wow see i was gonna say sorry to interrupt no go ahead but i love doing that when i'm on this show i was actually gonna say the the the level of enjoyment at the field trip really depends on the body you get uh like what's in that day like what the inventory of the morgue is that day that was like the worst drastically different like this was like an old woman that died or it's uh someone blasted themselves in the head be the worst i will i was gonna say this is tommy's grandma tommy come up here it's great that's how he finds out yeah um but yeah you could he he tilted we thought it was a joke because i mean that's pretty dark. You know, we're like 16, 15, 16.

And he tilts the stretcher or whatever it is to where you could see up through because it's a clean fucking, you know, like hole. What's the head look like? Like a bloom flower or what? I think they cleaned up the head. I want to say, I can't remember exactly, but I, you could see up through it. And I'm like, this is fucking fake, you know,

like whatever. And he's just like, you guys want to see rigor mortis? And we're like, sure. Okay. And, um,

he starts like just messing with the joint, like bending the legs and the arms of this dude. And he's just like, see, it's stiff, but it's not too stiff. Cause he's fresh. And he's like,

just doing all this shit. Yeah. And we're just sitting there like snickering. Cause we think it's a joke. We think it's stiff, but it's not too stiff because he's fresh. And he's like just doing all this shit. Yeah. And we're just sitting there like snickering because we think it's a joke. We think it's like a fake dead body. Oh, this sounds really actually traumatizing. I swear to God, I'm not making any of this up. We get back on the bus and we're all just like, hey, teacher. I can't remember the teacher's name.

I was 16 and I was like, hey, teacher, that was bullshit, right? And she's like, class, that was not supposed to happen. I apologize. That was real and I didn't intend for that to get that dark. He doesn't even work there. Otis, the groundskeeper. That's really crazy. Have you healed?

What's that? Have you healed? Oh, yeah. At the the time i'm just like i'm just like man all these horror movies i watched and i was like nine prepared me you know real thing prepared me for this let's show let's call that guy up right now i get him get him on the phone let's he's probably dead by now living the dream guy i hope so yeah i'll be almost doing that to his body right now probably bending his legs pretty old yeah that's pretty disrespectful if i die and i'm at the morgue i don't you know i don't want to be signed up to like do the hokey pokey by some lunatic in front of a bunch of children watch this

yeah and you're around he's like he's just like doing that to you oh my god if i'm gonna be taxidermied if i'm dead there's no doubt in my mind that like my my my my shriveled dead dick would look so small compared to the rest of my body like i'm so big and like flattened out and my dick is like shriveled and dead you know when you puke and your dick like shrinks more it's like you have little puke dick on your dead body it's just as big as i am it's so much i want you to put that in your i want you to put that in your will like make sure my dick looks nice and i'm just saying like bend my legs have the fucking hunchback come in and show my my body to the children or whatever just don't show anyone my dick yeah or at least my shrivel anyone my dick yeah if i donate my body they're

just going to show my gi tract is like a word of warning too many cheeses we'll do this to you salt and meat when you live to the ripe age of 38 yeah that is that's wild so did the bodies i thought that rigor mortis was like i guess it must be gradual it wouldn't snap it's a gradual thing yeah so did so he moved him and then it just stayed there and you guys it was kind of like moving a um that like you're you're moving like a catapult or something like he was or a slingshot like there's tension the more you move it so he's like the more he moves it the more tension there is and he's having to like put his whole body weight into it yeah that's so weird that he did that come on class hold him down we're gonna shoot some basketballs

with his legs what the fuck was your teacher doing like getting laid in the back room all this she was just kind of just i remember looking at her in the corner and she's just like doing this like she didn't she wasn't prepared for that we were gonna go see the corner and she's just like doing this. Like she wasn't prepared for that. We were going to go see a dead body. He's just like, you want to see the fresh fucking headshot wound suicide? It wasn't just the headshot wound. It was like the most violent headshot you could muster. Like double barrel shotgun through the fucking chin.

Yeah. And that's why parents have to show their kids dead bodies not school teachers exactly dude so true dude when you're right you're right it's gotta be traditional I gotta have my dad take me out to the train track

was that the coolest train trip you ever went on? that was probably the coolest we went to the Biltmore estate Biltmore house what is and uh we when was that or where was that what'd you say taylor when was that or where was that where was it i don't know where and when i don't know what the fuck that is where where the fuck it's not too far away from me it's somewhere in nc um in the middle of nc i think what was fun about it? What was fun is it's claimed to be haunted

and we saw, like, it could have been fakes. Am I playing a joke? What kind of bullshit school did you go to? They're taking you to haunted houses and looking at big mansions. This guy went to Monster High. It's an historical thing, yeah. And

we saw the whole class. I think we were in elementary school at the time, yeah. And we saw the whole class. We were like, I think we were in elementary school at the time. Yeah, we saw like a girl in like an old style Victorian dress in the window, and she looked hollow. And then we all ran back to the bus screaming and tearing. All right, that's neat. Yeah, it was pretty cool. That's fun for the teachers. The coolest field trip we ever went on, I had this class called Life Connections in the ninth grade that was required.

And that's really vague, I know. Yeah, that sounds like a – I don't know what the – we were kids, so it's hard for us to tell what the true purpose of the class is. Sometimes you can't tell what the real lesson today is. I think they might have been weeding out the crazies or something because there was a lot of expressing yourself and getting in front of everyone and talking. There was no structure. It was a kind of a fun class but there was a lot of projects that involved like higher thinking and building and making projects but the teachers were cool as fuck and they were like where would you guys like to go on a field trip we get to take you anywhere and we were like six flags and they're like yeah we could learn about

physics there huh kids and we're like yeah yeah, we could learn about physics there, huh, kids? And we're like, yeah, probably. Or we could just all split up and smoke cigs on the fucking rail car. I don't know. Maybe that, too. And so that's what we did. We just went to Six Flags and hung out and rode rides all day. That was the coolest field trip ever. That sounds awesome.

You went to Sig's Flags. Sig's Flags. You know what I mean? And then the worst field trip ever was when... The morgue. When I went... I was taking all these bullshit

electives because I wanted the ones that you could actually sleep through. And so I took horticulture. And horticulture is like growing and arranging flowers and arrangements. So we went to like greenhouses and stuff like that and that's not so bad you're like walking around like in like a field of flowers sometimes like this is this beats being in the classroom but one day we went to a fucking

sod farm and we spent the whole day at a sod farm if you don't know what sod is it's grass it's one thing grass we were in a field of grass all day talking about how this is where they grow the grass and that machine is how they harvest the grass. And Mr. Johnson, he sells the grass. And I'm like, we're done, right? Nope, we're here all day. It was awful. Now this field is one of

two varieties. It's just different lengths. I imagine it was hot as shit because it's Georgia, right? Yeah. It's always hot. It's like out in a field under the sun. Just baking. That fucked me up.

Although the field trip to the aquarium with the special ed class where that girl shit herself, that was a fun field trip. That's not even a bad field trip. That's the type of thing I would call up a friend and be like, I can't believe you were sick today, bro. Shelly. Shelly, she shot herself.

Her name was Michelle, I think. Michelle. Shelly. I had a feeling. My mom taught special ed. Recognize Reet. My mom taught special ed, and she was like, Kyle, do you want to tag along with my group of special ed students to go to the aquarium today and third third grade me was had no like

social awareness and i was like yeah yeah let's go and so i just tagged along all the retarded kids that's awesome uh you know have no sorry to interrupt no good my favorite thing no go ahead there's no part of you at all at all all, that looks back and you're like, was I retarded too? Yeah, it wasn't. Did they take me there because I was supposed to be on the retarded field trip and that was how they broke it to me? I was a retard.

I was retarded. I did in the first grade when everyone was, like, learning, like, how to write out all the letters of the alphabet, Miss Monroe would come, and she took me, Newton, and Douglas. And Newton was five years older than us, for sure, in first grade. Douglas was like, even though I didn't have the word for it, I was like, this kid's retarded. I don't know what i said then but you manifested that word like yeah and sometimes like i did things and i was like i'm retarded but i had the the miss monroe would come and i'd be like peace bitches to like everyone

that my buddy's over there because they're going to be writing the words and i would go with douglas and newton we would like roll clay balls and she'd be like smooth out the cracks and i'd smooth it out and i was just like you guys are stupid like my life is so much better than yours and then at the end of the first grade i remember the teacher being like and this was really fucked up. This is like 1992, but it's just fucked up. And I remember it so clearly. She goes, everyone passed except for Douglas and Newton. And I was like, oh, my God.

I thought that I would have had to repeat grade one because I was everywhere with Douglas and Newton. Douglas did something. I was there with with them they're rolling clay balls i'm there with them an adult is wiping their ass for them i'm there with them you're holding the roll like every step of the way and so i thought i i went like as i got older i mean like you know i look back and i was like i guess i was kind of retarded at the beginning borderline yeah they didn't know which path you were gonna take exactly maybe they were doing like they were running the litmus test on you the aquarium retard litmus test yeah like ah bring him to dude is he shit himself no clean drawers all right fourth grade it is the rest of you go to the closet it is wild how similar i got

i've mentioned on the show before so i'll be quick but no we're all retards i was all i was also in retard reading in kindergarten it was me it was me and uh it was me joe and travis and miss huffman would say it's time for reading taylor joe and travis go to the you Miss whoever. And then we would go over there. And exactly the same. The reason I got in trouble is because I figured out I memorized like Susie's Red Bike instead of learning what letters did. And then she gave me a different book one day and I started reciting Susie's Red Bike and she busted me. And I remember thinking like even in my head at five, like you're going to have to learn this eventually. Like you can't

you can't fake it till you make it your whole life and so i got taken over there and we didn't have clay balls but it would be the easiest shit ever it'd be like like joe what's wrong with this sentence and it'd be like dog no eat no and then he'd be like it should say dog not hungry. And then he'd be like, no, close, like Taylor. And he'd be like, the dog is not hungry right now. And they'd be like, that's perfectly structured. Here's a Tootsie Roll. And I'm like, dude, I'm banging on all cylinders here. Because next to Travis and Joe, I was fucking Steph Curry.

Swish, swish, swish, swish, didn't miss. Constant aces, high fives from the teacher. I'm breaking the curve in the retard reading course. And then I got pulled out of it and they put me back in the regular class before the end of kindergarten. That's so funny that we were all retarded.

Word. My story is a little bit different. I was in high school and i met my best friend this way um shout out samantha if you're watching listening whatever but she uh just kind of saw me in the halls in high school and she's like oh that kid's kind of cute i think i'm gonna try to talk to him but then after like a couple days of seeing me in the hall, she said that she thought I was retarded, so she didn't talk to me. What were you doing? Well, glad you asked.

Me and my friends, we were just, I don't know how to describe it, just terrible people. We would go into, for example, the restroom, and we'd just start screeching like pterodactyls. We would just walk around making awful noises like, I literally I have an extremely loud scream. It sounds like I could sound like literally like a horror movie, like a woman screaming

at the top of her lungs. And I used to walk into the school bathroom scream as loud as I could. It's funny. And then I'd walk out normally like nothing happened. And I'd walk out normally i'd walk out normally like nothing happened and i didn't even that's what i would do and i'd walk and do my thing while everyone's like looking at the door like what the fuck happened in there me and my buddy brandon would walk in

we would we would sometimes get in a stall with somebody in the middle taking a shit and just start pterodactyl screaming on both sides while this person's taking a shit uh we would walk out and then we'd start making other noises and she's just like that kid's retarded and then like after a couple weeks um she somebody had asked about me or she asked about me and they're just like no he's not retarded he's in like advanced english like what are you talking about he's just autistic or something i don't know yeah he's the only guy in the world who writes and shit on the wall but uses semi-cold he was he was writing he was reciting shakespeare in there two independent clauses

i don't want to put you on the spot and it's totally not a big deal it's like not even important but you look like you still have that pterodactyl screech i still want to do it in public i mean you're more would you Would you bang one out for us? Here it is now. I'd like to see personally who has the better screech. People are going to hate this. People are going to crash to this.

I disagree. People are out there like, are they going to do it? They're turning their volume up right now. I love that in podcasts when people randomly scream. It won't be random. I'm calling for it. All right, here we go. You know, it would be better with the resonating factor of the bathroom.

I can see what you're going for. The same way singing in the shower, you get that bathroom scream, you're going to get some resonation. I bet it's pretty respectable in there. Imagine that with two different people with that was like a velociraptor nutting a little bit yeah i'll go with that something we used to do and it was literally to one guy and it was my buddy alex i saw him just last weekend he's still a close friend of mine but he one time in the locker room like after gym or something someone was taking a shit in the public bath there in the locker room, like after gym or something, someone was taking a shit in the public bathroom, and he like wetted paper towels, formed them into a ball.

He's a very tall guy. And so he would just reach over the top and just, he was pelting this guy with two wads of wet paper towels while he was trying to take a shit. And we were all showering. And the guy comes out with like bits of wet paper stuck to him. And he's like dude stop fucking throwing shit at me and we like we're all laughing about it but then we all decided like you know no

one's ever done let's just agree we all only do this to alex and so like regularly it'd be like in the lunch period and he'd be like i gotta go take a shit and so like he'd get up and then like i'd be like i'll take it and then i would get up go to the bathroom and just like firing these things at him while he was taking a shit sometimes going sometimes you had someone coming from the top someone underneath throwing little grenades at him trying to get up through into the area between his legs to hear a thunk into the toilet never never got the three-pointer it's like skee-ball it's like skee-ball with shitting almost that's like the hundred point thing we were all retarded. It's fun. Look at the line of work. Smart people

don't do this. Did he enjoy that joke or do you think he was at home at night like, every time I go take a shit, mama. He's got PTSD. All the other boys, they come and they have these wet paper towels and they pelt me with them mercilessly.

It was literally like three times we did it yeah no it was every day you have no you have no idea how close he was to the gun you have no idea actually we have a pretty good idea now even one time he was probably pretty close dude i told you like in right outside in actuality that was the body that kid that was the body that blame truth saw after too much bullying with the with the paper towels who were the weirdest people at your guys high school that you remember just while you think i remember my friends there was this kid that wore nothing but all blacked out like trench coats like oh that kind of all that shit and he would like practice karate by himself with like poses in front of like the bathroom. And at one point, this like Southern asshole who went to our school, who was, you know, short guy, but jacked out of his mind.

He's like, hey, karate kid, what are you doing over there? And then he just kept like doing his shit. And I just want to be like, Josh, just don't let him be. This kid's not hurting anyone. He's just like, show me how it works. Show me how it works. Josh was a bit of a fucking prick, frankly. But he's the same guy.

He almost fucking broke my arm in eighth grade wrestling because he was an advanced wrestler, and I had seventh grade under my belt. And he played for fucking keeps in practice he would wrench my arm up behind my back to the point that i was like josh josh stop and he'd be like jesus like like he'd be like mad at me for almost like making a scene like yeah that guy was a fucking prick you know i was the uh like the the nucleus of my friend group in the sense that like i brought people together.

I played football, and there's a strong Haitian population in Montreal. There's a lot of Haitian friends. Then I'd go to Jew camps. I have all my Jewish friends. Then I did play basketball. I had friends from my elementary

school. Just from different groups I'd bring people. I had friends from my elementary school. And just from different groups, I'd bring people. I had, like, people would come to my house, and I have some friends that, like, are really picky about who's around, and they know my house is, like, there's wild cards. So you'd come to my house, and, like, I would have Karate Kid at my house. And I would also have the other guy there that was like show me how it works like i i i had oh lots of weird friends like that so i feel like

it made me the weird one in the end in some ways but yeah yeah you know i can't think of the weird kid in my school but i was telling you about that weird kid last week taylor the one that's crying on the trip i felt a little bit bad i felt i was a little bit harsh on him or something i was talking to those guys and they were like i don't feel bad i just remember he talked about how he really liked torturing animals too and how he spends a lot of time thinking about how he could torture women and people and how it really intrigues him and it is like it intrudes on his thoughts a lot the ideas of like torturing and now i'm willing to buy anything for content but let me keep that seems a little far-fetched he also he told him that as a kid he would pull the the legs off of beetles like one

by one and then watch them like wiggle as just a shell and he would do that and and also with salamanders he would like hold them down and slowly pull all the limbs and the tails off of them so they could just wiggle them. If that's true, that's fucking psychotic. Let's pull him up on Facebook, see if he's murdered anyone since then. Yeah, that's on our level. Profile pics is like a ring list bird. Yeah.

Harley, just fast forward you, this guy went on a trip with a bunch of gaming buddies, and he was crying the whole time, like a grown with a bunch of gaming buddies and uh he was crying like the whole time um like like like weeping like a grown 21 year old man weeping and he got a hand job from a stripper and he paid 500 for it and he was having night terrors about it because it was so rough on him i guess it was his first sexual experience with a woman so then he hired a prostitute spent another 600 having sex with her um And then just lots of weird shit on this trip. These guys spent a week together. And I felt a little bad that I talked about all that stuff and how weird he is.

But then I found out about the torturing animals and wanting to hurt people. But he was crying the whole time? Like throughout the handjob? Like weeping. After in front of his friends. Like the boys were riding home in the car and he's just like weeping openly. Yeah, because she was still alive. Yeah. Yeah.

He was so sad. Wait, wait, wait. Why is he and it's like no disrespect to anyone who's listening and has cried from getting a handjob. Why was he crying from getting a handjob, do you think? He said it was traumatic and so much so that he had night terrors every night thereafter to get him up.

But what's the night terror that he's getting the handjob again? I don't know. I don't know. He wore a condom. It was a condom on handjob from a stripper for $500. That just sounds overpriced. Yeah, I'm thinking like I would be having night terrors. I'd be like, my money.

My money. The night terrors is like $500 just burning. Yeah. yeah no he was happy with the the financial part of it um but but i didn't like hearing it they mentioned a cat too i don't know if he actually tortured a cat or if he just wanted to get one but now that stuff kind of creeped me out about him so i don't feel so bad about making fun of it if they have evidence he's an animal torturer is there a crime again is that a crime everywhere yes it's? Yes, it's a crime. Well, it's a crime to cry after a handjob. Ah, pussy law!

One count of being a bitch. Two to be served concurrently with being a virgin. You should slow down. When he comes and gets me, I will be forced to give him your address well i'm gonna have a whole guard set up of innocent animals that he won't be able to resist mercilessly murdering as he walks into my home and just have a bunch of sheep and like beetles

in the front yard dude he comes to my house i'm gonna turn the tables on and i'm gonna have reservoir dogs playing in the basement and i'm gonna be like i've been practicing my michael madsen will you help me and then i'll be like no don't worry we're gonna take like eight takes i got a bunch of needle and thread put that ear right back on buddy and that's that's how you would do did you ever see the deleted scene there where they actually show the ear getting cut off no i thought that was in the now see everybody does they think they saw the ear get cut off you don't see the ear get cut. They cut away. He goes like this, and then it cuts.

Oh, he goes to the start of it, but that's it. There is the footage there where he saws it off there with a straight razor. It's better when you don't see it because your mind fills in that gross ass. It's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They don't show anything. We had Hutch on a couple

I don't know maybe a month and a half ago something like that and he recommended a movie called Everything Everywhere All at Once I've heard of that I've heard of it too but I haven't watched it I watched it last night it was killer it was so good oh my god yes I was so worried you were going to say the opposite

that's like actually one of the best movies i've seen in the last five years and i have recommended it to people it's top of the way not liking it i fucking loved it i thought it was sick i'm happy i felt like it went on a little long there at the end a little maybe a little bit it could have been like they had a lot to say there when they could have done a 20 minutes shorter it's like a sci-fi mystery right you know who the who the i don't want to like harp on this too much but but you know who the guy is the one who plays her husband that's the little kid from indiana doctor jones exactly exactly yeah yeah and also as soon as i heard him speak i recognized him yeah i was like what so hutch was absolutely

right that was a strong i'll write that down yeah i'll check it out for sure i remember not checking it out because like i think i looked it up after a show i maybe even looked it up like after the show we did with you were like three hours female lead come on no i don't mind the female lead because it's her i like i like that's the way i'm crafting three hour movies now yeah i immediately recognized i was like oh that's a hot chick from like yeah 15 20 years ago like dancing on wires uh i really dug the movie um i almost i cry at movies that like triumphant stuff and i started crying a little when she like i don't want to spoil anything but there's a scene where a guy's like about to hit her and she avoids it um and like it's uh it's pretty cool it takes a lot it has a lot of influences from a lot of

other movies there's some multiverse stuff there's some matrix-ish type uh stuff going on it's neat it's neat there's some kung fu um there's some ratatouille oh raccoonie she uh what's it called? Had the... I lost what I was going to say there because I got caught up on the Ratatouille. But yeah, it's a very sick movie. I'm going to give a little tiny spoiler here. Oh, I cried twice. That's what I was going to say.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I cried a couple of times. But the deal is that she is able to access the multiverse theory that there's like millions of us like like the tiny decisions we make create a completely parallel uh universe where we're just slightly different and infinitely so like she can access those alternate versions of herself who like decided to be a kung fu fighter or like a mark or like a race car driver and like download their lifetimes of

experience sort of and now she's them and she can like utilize that in a fight or like a getaway in her reality in her in any reality yeah like she like merges consciousnesses and like lives that entire experience instantly yeah and she was able to tap into the title. It's everything, everywhere, all at once. Is she the only one that can utilize it? I don't want to go into a big spoiler.

This is only 2 hours and 20 minutes long. I had in my head this was like Lord of the Rings-ish. That's not too bad. It's Lord of the Rings-ish. Lord of the Rings is like I only watched the extended version. only three hours and 11 minutes long i put i i want i put my girlfriend through lord of the rings uh which by the way if you're if you happen to watch this julie i didn't think taylor's chinese accent was funny i thought it was inappropriate No disrespect to your people. Anyways, now that that's handled.

Apologize to her in her native way. The bowing and all. So silly. So silly. So silly. I put her through Lord of the Rings. I was like, here we go. We do one, two, three.

She's never seen them. And I didn't realize it until i put on the first one and i didn't realize like the versions that i had were like full extendo cuts so this was like this was like a 12 hour experience now when i thought it would be like six or seven and i knew it was a semester was like in the first one maybe you remember i don't there was just like a particularly long scene that was like like a whole other shire portion that didn't exist and i'm like fuck we're like an hour and a half in and we're still on the shire like what version did i put on that is so true the first one if you're trying to get someone into lord of the rings for the first time don't go extended version because you need to get out of the shire quickly because if they don't know

anything about lord of the rings they're going to be like i'm just watching a bunch of fat and happy little people enjoy what appears to be like heaven on earth you can't even tell they're little people for a while not until gandalf shows up yeah you need perspective even then you're like he's huge yeah yeah look at that giant wizard fuck yeah i mean the first one i like i i got taken it was like what 1999 2000 when it was in theaters and my friend's dad was taking his son and he's still a close friend of mine he wanted to take me and while it was like going through the shire because obviously i was fucking nine i hadn't read the books i was like this is kind of whatever I don't really care about this so far by the time they got

to the mines of Moria and you see the goblins and like the cave troll and the Balrog I was in my head like I could base my life on this like this could be my favorite thing forever it was a spiritual experience for me like watching

like Lord of the Rings in theaters when it came out. It was it was it was I've never seen anything that that epic. So it came out the same year, but the Matrix did the same thing to me. I remember sitting there with my knees, my elbows on my knees and like my hands and like like this being like, wow. Like when he's like becoming one and he's like blocking all of the blows and he turns sideways and does it with one hand and then grabs his wrist i was this is the greatest thing i'm witnessing something here we all are like i was so this is my thing and they're like the matrix you're like no guns no no dude requiem for a dream did that to me uh oh why movie's so sad yeah but i i watched it and

i'm like whoa this is fucking hardcore man like i've seen horror movies but nothing has done this you know i'll never watch that movie again how old are you now bad mood i'm 33 now okay so you got it like around the same time i did like i'm 36 i got it like when i was 16 yeah and i was like high like i was like smoking weed and me and my friends were like let's put on a movie and like we had a satellite dish and this was a new movie we put on a movie casually we're like little brain 16 stoned idiots it like it like was like a like it was like a fucking lsd trip yeah the whole movie fucked us up like we like were like cold and shaking after that movie like our brains were not ready to process that well you didn't want any heroin you don't want to try some heroin

that was our only takeaway was we're like i don don't think we should try that. Yeah. I've never fucked with heroin ever, but it wasn't as upsetting as Requiem for a Dream. But Trainspotting also put me in a really sad mood afterward where I was like, oh. It's not super sad, is it? Yeah. The baby in the crib part where it dies because of negligence. It's really just the entire aura of their existence. Shitting the bed was pretty disturbing to me. negligence and like it's really just the entire aura of their existence because you've been popping pills like rush limbaugh or well they don't do pills they're shooting up they don't have that they don't have that racism cash the way you speaking of uh

speaking of retarded uh when i went to go see lord of the rings when i went to go see lord of the rings it was in theaters and I was so excited to see it. I think I was like ninth grade, eighth grade, maybe eighth grade. It came out in 98, like 99, I think. Yeah.

Okay. 98, 99. Um, so that's, that's eighth grade. Um, and I,

uh, was with my aunt and like, she's kind of like a hippie. And like, I was just like, Oh, I want to get high to go see it. And she like gave me like a little joint. Cause she knew I gonna be alone for the day she had shit to do my cousin was doing

shit so i got really high and i went to the theater and it was like a matinee and like the movie had been out for a while now and like no one had wanted to see it so we were finally going i was going to see it alone and i like i'm walking down the aisle and no one's in the theater Like, I'm walking down the aisle, and no one's in the theater. And I go, and I, like, sit down, like, fifth row. And, like, in the middle, like, it's, like, the perfect seat. And I, like, look to my right, and I see this, like, big, mentally challenged person. Which he probably looked at me and thought the same thing. Yeah.

But he was. I do give off that aura. Yeah, yeah. And I was definitely emanating it now, because I was stoned. thought the same thing. Yeah. But he was. I do give off that aura. Yeah, yeah. And I was definitely emanating it now because I was stoned. So I was like. Yeah, cross-eyed. Yeah, and I like looking at him and I look. And he comes in and he's like on the level, like this level.

Like his hat is like. Yeah. Like the hat's like. Barely on. Someone put it on him. Someone put it on him. barely on someone put it on him someone put it on him he didn't put it on even and like uh he was just like just like like like jogging pants that are you know are his favorite pants like fluorescent fanny pack that he'll scream if you touch it um and he's like like coming down he's coming down the aisle here.

Barreling down the aisle. Yeah, yeah. And me too. He looked like me, how I did when I was stoned. And I was like, oh, oh, oh. And he's coming down, and I'm looking at him. And all I'm thinking is, it could have been anyone. I would have been like, don't come here, don't come here, don't come here. Don't come here.

And he comes to the aisle, and he, like, he hasn't seen me yet, and he, like, turns in the aisle and takes a step, but I, like, focused all the power I had into, like, scaring him away. Like, he turned, and, like, my bloodshot stone dies. I was like. And he, like, he was like, and he saw me. I was like. And he was like. You saw me. He was like.

And he like stepped back. And went back a row. And just sat there. And I know this guy. I know his type. Because I am like that too. To an extent. I was in the optimal seating. And he wanted that. And if i didn't look at him like that

he would have sat next to me because that's the second best and he would have done that not thinking even though we were in a theater by ourselves which one time i did sit in the optimal seating and a mentally challenged person did sit right next to me but it was a full theater so like we had no choice we're right next to each other and the craziest thing that happened also once again i'm super high but this happened like three years ago this was like fast and the furious 15 or whatever pretty recent and i'm like sitting in the theater and i'm looking at the screen and like something very funny happens that i thought was very funny it was a very subtle nuanced joke that just happened to that i found very funny but not really anyone else in the

theater thought it was funny but it happened and this mentally challenged guy sitting next to me the stranger and it happened and i was like and he was next to me and i guess he thought it was funny too and happy that i enjoyed it he looked at me and i was like that wasn't a laugh i shared with you but like it was like to him i was like yeah that's honestly that is so sweet like he's trying to share a social laugh with someone who enjoys something that he does that's sweet and you know what like i i was i was like professionally an integration aid for many years i worked with mentally challenged kids and like you know i volunteered that for years like you know i was probably like

they're my people that's me out there every single one of them and like so i'd go i'd like volunteer like so like if i was prepared i would be embracing it scared the shit out of me he was like in my space like he was like and i was like i was actually like also i had to tell you like i was high like super high it's like i was like already like in a place but fucking but another i'm narrowly escape i'm so sorry to hit you guys with like a retard hat trick of a story here just keep going oh i've got a retard story after years my buddy amir god bless him uh chef of epic mealtime he's genius guy you know like uh like he's just very like smart sometimes but he's also like if if you ever watch the videos and you know

like you'd met him kyle he's like fucking just crazy retarded person like he's just fucking crazy like he's so insane people would meet him and be like what's wrong with this guy and i'm like he's retarded yeah he's just like he's there's a look in his eyes and there's a thing about him was he there for the star wars thing right yes yeah yeah maybe he was just you saw him where he had like a set thing of tasks to perform and he loves tasks and a maintained schedule that's exactly it had we shifted something he would have been like i'm kidding i'm kidding not like that but like he is like he is just that type and i remember one time he got us tickets like he's like type like he got us tickets to a movie in advance got us our seats he got us he's waiting there like three hours like it's the airport he's chilling there and then we come all of his buddies and there's a guy there that he always

tries to race to beat because that guy who's fully retarded um has uh wants to get the optimal seating but amir wants the optimal seating and like they know each other well they're there at every big premiere. Like Amir will be like, my fucking nemesis got optimal seating at Top Gun. He was there before me. I can't believe it. If there was one movie I wanted optimal seating,

it was Top Gun. And then it would be like Jurassic World. I fucking had his ass. And he came with a friend too. Fuck them both. But like they do, they have an ongoing beef. It's a rivalry.

Yeah. In my head, I think they're low-key best friends. He just doesn't know it. have an ongoing beef it's a rivalry yeah in my head i think they're low-key best friends he just doesn't know it um but so this this guy who's retarded who knows amir is retarded too because he sees him doing the retard movie thing where he's got to get the seat and he's got to be there for that optimal seating like yeah so this retard's been watching amir and he sees him and he knows this is like a retarded brother you know then he sees like me and all my

buddies come in and now that other retard's confused because he's like what because we're seeing a mirror we're dapping him up and this guy's like huh how did you a fellow retarded brother manage to round up a squad of fucking

normies like that you know so I'm standing with the mirror and i was like oh i was like i'm like a retard over there's really checking you out he's like which and i'm like don't you know who you know the one you have a rivalry with yeah reed recognize reed the one that's looking at you right now that knows you're retarded and you know and i'm here saying huh i didn't even see and now i'm watching a mirror from like like a distance here i get my popcorn i stand back and i'm watching him here and i see now that i'm away in amir's alone this this guy's like oh i'm gonna

roll up on this dude and i'm gonna ask him like what are the secrets you know and so this like retarded guy starts to approach amir he's also a retarded guy and now amir like he's been doing the long con he thinks he has us convinced that we don't think he's retarded guy starts to approach Amir. He's also a retarded guy. And now Amir, like he's been doing the long con. He thinks he has us convinced that we don't think he's retarded when we know he is. And so like Amir doesn't want to fuck that up, I guess, or whatever it is. But this retarded guy like walks up to Amir like, yeah. And Amir, he didn't actually do this. What I'm about to demonstrate. It was something different, but this encapsulates it perfectly.

Amir, as he came close here was kind of like and that guy was like oh shit and like backed away like it was like don't fuck this up for me and i saw the guy wanted to know like yo how do you hold a conversation with these guys i don't don't they know you're like you keep it a secret are you up front about it or what you know yeah yeah he's in the closet he's in the play chest yeah well and that's that's the same guy that laughed with me by the way that's the same guy that sat next to me because i had optimal seating no no i had optimal seating with amir so he ended up next to me because that's the second most optimal seat it just he happens to be part of both of these stories one theater in canada

i will tell you something if you're this type of person if you're this type of person you want the best you want the best in montreal there happens to be an imax theater that is one of the newest imax theaters in all of canada so like yeah i'm pretty normal bro i'll go see the fucking movie here that's it amir will drive like an extra 35 minutes to get the imax experience because like the screen is 20 bigger and like that's okay you know i'm okay with that once you're in a theater and you're watching a movie on a theater i've never thought like oh this is a small screen i have really in a movie i have been in like bullshit bullshit this is the i have googled you cocksuckers you took like a like a well like a well-known like amc you get

ushered into some bullshit with like a glass boob tube like what i i i don't know i've gotten taken to some like shady like shitty like smaller screens and I thought like there are private screens bigger than this this is nonsense I love the idea of walking into a movie theater with you taking a step into it right away you look at the screen you go bullshit

bullshit like that would already make my movie experience better dude I'm serious about the movies I haven't been in years. I haven't been in years. I haven't been in years. The pandemic fucking thing drove me away from them. The last movie I went to was right before I went to prison. I was like, well, they might kill me in there.

Better see Avengers. This is the end game after all. I watched that, went to prison, and then I haven't been back. I keep saying I will, but then I end up- I keep saying I will too, but during COVID- Pop Gun is the best movie to go back to the movie theater. I want to see that in the theaters. It's a really good one.

And also a really good one for IMAX because of the sound. I'm going to recommend a movie that I haven't seen yet because I can tell it's going to be fucking creepy and weird. And I think that all of us might have a reason to like it. It's called Crimes of the Future with Viggo Mortensen. And it's a, it's a Cronenberg movie. You know,

he does a lot of that body horror stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Oh dude, his son's good. A good director too. He did. His son is good.

But it's some sort of weird future where Viggo Mortensen, I've got like the cliff notes here in my head. I'm probably off a little, but basically it, people are like modify their bodies and mutate their bodies to survive in the toxic world they live in but i've heard of mortensen in particular does this thing that's like some sort of abstract art where he mutates his body into all sorts of weird fucky shit and puts on performance art um and i've only seen like still images and one of

them was a face where where the eyes were sewn shut and it was covered with ears or something, like extra ears. Yeah, it's the future. I actually did see this movie. What's it called again? It's called Primes of the Future, and it is very Cronenberg. It's all body horror stuff.

Oh, yeah. You're right. Viggo Mortensen makes he mutes. He makes these organs in his body and he like has them like taken out of his body as like a live art performance. So the ear thing, the eye shut thing, I saw that. I was like, oh, sick. I want to see this. But what ended up being cool in the movie, and it's not really like a spoiler, just kind of world builds, is Viggo Mortensen's watching that guy perform because that's what he does in this new version of the world he had like all these ears put on his body and his eyes so shut

and he does this like weird dancing but what's interesting is this woman comes up to vigo morrison she's like a critic and she was like uh she was like it's actually pretty lame she's like his dancing is good. She's like, but the ears aren't even functional. And once you know that the ears aren't functional, it's just like a silly aesthetic display. And I thought it was like nice world watching her critique that guy's art performance when I was like, whoa, this is crazy.

Yeah. But the movie is long. It's terrible. I think the movie is uh it's long i thought it would have been i think the movie would have been it would have been a really and i still recommend it especially if you like that type of stuff it has a really good story a really good ending and it plays out great it would have been like a fucking awesome love death and robots episode I see. If I can rent this, I will watch this after the show. This is so up my alley. I didn't know. So this same guy directed

Eastern Promises. That also has Aragorn in it. Have you seen Eastern Promises? Love it. The best naked fight scene in any movie. That bathhouse, that naked fight scene stressed me out because I'm thinking like, damn, you're so vulnerable. Theirs nutsacks aren't hanging out like yours like boys can i at least put my underwear on before we fight to the death i would be i would say yes i would there was

no culture of respect in that bathhouse there was no like you know put up your dukes it was all duplicitous and those other fat russians who fled right Pussies. Didn't help at all. So the reason you can't rent that movie is they're doing that bullshit where it's a $20 rental or $25 to purchase it. And I refuse to take part in that anymore because I did that with the Northman. I didn't like the Northman personally. I bought it.

I own it now forever. Not that I didn't like it. I just thought it was all right. I was like, that was fine. That was totally fine. I didn't like the protagonist. I didn't like the main I just thought it was all right. I was like, that was fine. That was totally fine. I didn't like the protagonist. I didn't like the main character. I thought he was stupid. I thought he was like a stupid person.

It was like Shakespeare. He was so one note. He was just, I am revenge, man. I must get it. That sounds a little lame. It was just like a little not enough. I mean I just it was a beautiful movie

though. It's like beautiful. It looks beautiful. It was good. It was like it made me want to work out. That was about it. Yeah. Fucking massive. It's not even that massive. He's just he's very very lean.

Well he's 6'4". To very lean well he's six four so like like to put on that muscle he was flexing his traps the entire movie oh yeah walking around like i mean i'm sure that they make him do that they're like flex it up you flex the first half hour you can't suddenly release you know if he if he loves his craft he's for sure like yo make sure you tell me if I'm not flexing. Better not be a shot at me if they're not flexing. Did you see that picture of Thor? This was like months ago.

And I know he's always huge in the movies, but I don't watch him, so I just see the pictures of him. And it was like an Instagram post he made that people were roasting him because they were like, ha, ha, ha, look how little his legs are. And it's like, dude, guy like this are you retarded like this guy's being paid to be looking like thor he'll be wearing pants and shorts the whole time like he's not going for fun he's going and a dude who's a trainer goes hey i've got a perfect uh plan for you oh what to give me a good body composition no no no no no this is push pull

push pull push pullull. No rest until the show because you're on TRT and roids. His legs aren't even that small. His legs aren't even small. It was literally an angle thing where they shot it from the back and the way legs are, sometimes they look worse from the back because he was turning around so you could see his big arms.

Those calves are all right. Those are woody calves. Well, I don't know about not woody calves. He's not respectable calves. Everybody everybody was bullying him this poor man being bullied it's sort of like it's sort of like when jason mamoa deserves it a little bit jason mamoa beautiful man like that jason mamoa looks like sam hyde now he did aquaman and then like he obviously like you can't i don't know he did aquaman he was jacked and then like a year later, he's still in good shape. He's in better shape than 95%. He's playing Sam in a biopic.

That's the only explanation. I guess. Wait, that what's so funny, though, is like I saw that new Thor movie. And like, I swear to God, you see the times in the movie when he's like on cycle or like off like they must have been shooting for an extended period of time because there's like one point where you're just like oh i don't think he's doing anything not right now or he's like off of it or this was like shot after because there are some times where like his arms are like busted and like huge and crazy and then like two scenes later they like film something you're like oh this is like

this is a whole different month yeah this is like a whole other month here because his arms looks great normal great but other shots they're godly great and it's like very evident there's all kind of things he can take to like peak on a certain day or a certain week or for a certain month but it's hard to look like tremendous continuous people don't realize how fucking insane it is to look like a lot of these guys in the movies uh i was looking up zach ephraim's workout and diet and shit for uh baywatch i think it was baywatch yeah because he's he's around my size. So I'm like, all right, I can get at least half this.

And I'm looking it up. And in every interview, he's talking about how he hated his life. He was about to pass out on set. He hadn't had a carb in like a month. They have to say that because he's not going to be like, I took a fuck ton of windstraw every other day. He won't say that. So instead he has to be like, I was so hard.

So what Harley's saying is like, so Derek does this on his channel, right? On More Plates, More Dates. He does the natty or not thing where he looks at guys like Zach, and he'll even look at what they claim to have eaten and done as their workouts, and he'll debunk it sometimes. And his point usually is because they always talk about like broccoli and rice that they and chicken that they've been eating he's like no they're lying to you but they want to make it sound like this arduous grueling thing that no one can do when reality they just stuck to a regimen and did steroids like we all do here percent yeah 100 chris hemsworth i watched him once he was talking

about one of the earlier thor movies the first one or second one on a late night show and they're like well you look great what he was like oh he's like a sword i was consuming 600 calories a day i was getting so angry at people i'm like you don't get that huge eating 600 calories a day no that's impossible there's no way you're like that like you're the protein you need each gram ends up being more calories than 600 in a day yeah to grow at his size 700 but they sit there and they say that and everyone believes it and then sometimes maybe they sell a book or like a nutrition plan or some shit i think the main issue is how lean they get though because even if you're on something getting that fucking lean like that's what winstroll does that's what i said with like

there are different types of things you can do that have different results for you like there are like like a steroid that will make you like much leaner even if you're not a guy that's prone to being lean it could do that and some people like just respond really well you know actually like kyle knows probably way more about this stuff than i do but what's that is that trend this is l-carnitine um you can this you can inject this with uh i think you do need a prescription unless you go to one of those i would never tell someone to go to like a veterinary website and get l-carnitine for animals because that's for animals. You can't put that in your body,

but it's the same stuff. And it, it, it aids in fat lipolysis, which apparently is like shuttling the fat to the, I don't know, some of the mitochondria. I just,

I heard that word. I heard that word recently. Lipolysis. What is that? I heard that converting fat to energy and like,polysis what is that i heard that converting fat to energy and like people said drinking water does that right i don't know i drink a drink a shit load of water but i also inject 100 milliliters of this every day um what is that or uh one milliliter 100 milliliters would be an enormous amount one milliliter this this is

the l-carnitine stuff what's that no fuck that you don't want that you don't you don't want to eat l-carnitine then your liver's that? No, fuck that. You don't want that. You don't want to eat L-carnitine. Then your liver has to process and you get cancer like those rats. What is that? You can just buy that? Yeah. Well, from a veterinary website. Or you could use, you go through Derek. There's a lot of places that sell it injectable. You inject it into your ass

before you work out. Interesting. Before you work out? I spent nine months on i before you work out so you know i spent nine months doing on my thing like like gaining the muscle and then three months doing that that um weight cut and i cut down to like eight and a half percent body fat and i did that crazy i did that with like just um caffeine um this stuff which is like super lightweight this is a this is like an amino acid don't think this isn't like a steroid or anything. This is health food shit. Um, you know, my TRT dose and just exercise like, like just running on the treadmill or the elliptical for 30 to 45 minutes

a day for three months and cutting my calories a little bit. Just cutting two, just cutting two just cutting two pounds of fat a week every week for three months yeah yeah i lost 40 pounds like i lost like 20 pounds in the two weeks that i was with uh training with sam but like that's like but it's also cheating because you know how fat i was i was like 310 pounds oh wow so like that was like me at like my heaviest. So my body's like, oh, we're walking. Okay. Well, I guess let's lose five pounds immediately. Like right away. I was just tearing it up.

I was doing like, I was like having like, I was like, what should we have for dinner? Let me make nachos while I think about it. Like I was just killing it. And then I went to doing, I was trying to cut weight really fast and just not in a particularly healthy way or a guided way. I was just doing way less calories and I was putting it into the MyFitnessPlus app. And it would be like, I would end the day and they would be like, this is not enough calories for your size. You have an eating disorder.

You need to contact this website. We're not going to track your progress. We're not going to show you the projection. Holy shit. And I was just like, I was like, you don't get it. You don't get it. I have to do this right now because I have a thing. Well, that look chronometer because they have no morals. They don't give a fuck.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, it was really fucked up because I was like working out for an hour at the gym and then I was doing boxing for like two hours. Boxing was fucking, yeah. And then I'm like having like 15 to like 1,800 calories,

which is like what like a model would consume like for the week leading up to a photo shoot. It was super unhealthy and like wasn't smart, but I was, I didn't have much time or options you know so i just like went through with it um i we talk about being an unhealthy i think it's an unhealthy lifestyle to live like that but i don't i don't know that a crash diet like that is going to like take years off your life or anything it's like no when they say that's unhealthy i think they mean oh your liver levels won't look quite right for six weeks after this it's like so so what will that make me feel like oh you'll never know the difference okay but i'll be 20 pounds lighter

oh yeah you will yeah come on yeah no that that went a long way and then i like so i just cut a lot of weight over that time and i did so many things like over the years and I did like, I was like, Oh, I'm not going to have carbs and whatever. I think my, my generation, like this 30,

36 years old, like the thirties people, we were like, we, we, we grew up in the perfect storm of the worst information about food. Like when my parents wanted to lose weight, they had fat free food in the house

it was fat free but like it was like fat free just meant that there was like crazy amounts of sugar yeah but like when you looked at the back and it said fat there was none of that but fat didn't mean fat we didn't know that no like fat made you fat like that's not how it works we need a goddamn like nutrition fucking course in high school. Yeah. Well, now it's just – it's part of like the zeitgeist for kids to like look it up. Gym culture is like a cool thing. They like it.

When I was in high school, I was one of like two people that like went to the gym. And I barely knew what I was doing. I just had a brother-in-law that showed me how to do exercises. But if you don't know the gym and you've never been to the gym and you see all these fucking high-tech machinery, you're like, what the fuck? Where do I even stand? Yeah. You get a weightlifting. We had weightlifting in my high school.

It was an elective you could take and you could just go lift weights for a period. Yeah. Yeah. They had that in my house. And just like horticulture, it was an easy A. So I took weightlifting. I keep all my shit in a spreadsheet that hopefully it'll focus. I weigh all my food.

I fucking calculate everything to the goddamn gram. That's what I had yesterday. I'm on a cut right now. That's 1,750 calories. That's a Woody-like cut. That is. I'm 5'8", like 145 pounds right now. So I'm trying to get.

I think I'll get visible abs around 140 or so. Yeah. I could see the top two. So, like, I'm getting there. I got to be, like, 186, 187. I'm sure you guys must still have some of the fattest listeners ever. Oh, big time. For sure.

have some of the fattest listeners ever oh big time for sure um i say like like what helped me was like obviously like the threat that i was going to get punched in the head in front of people but what i what i would say to like to any of those people is like i used uh my fitness pal and you know like it asks you to pay but you don't need to pay there's a free one and it tracks your calories once you start to get a grasp of like and listen i'm allowed to maintain my weight i could have 2 900 calories in a day and not put on that's a lot of food that's a lot make the right choices that's a fuck ton of food so that every like like fat so out there like i know what it was like to be a big fat guy. You had two hamburgers. You can't have two hamburgers fat. I don't even think it's that, man.

Sometimes you need to. Dessert after also. You can't always get dessert, fatso. Dessert's a big one, but the vast majority of them, if you just stop alcohol and stop sugary soda, just that. You will drop

so many pounds like you can still have dessert and two hamburgers if you just stop drinking soda and beer all when i got as fat as i've ever fucking gotten i was drinking like i'd say a six pack at least a day of like ipas that's a extra oh ipa how many that's like a big old sandwich each one it's like a bottle yeah you're adding you're adding a pound and a half two pounds of fat every week i got so fat god i like my do you but like uh like late night salty snacking is definitely because like you can just pop goldfish cheese it's in your mouth for not literally an hour straight and you're no fuller but you've consumed 1200 calories. Dude,

go, go with mindless, go with string cheese, you know, like high protein, uh, 45 calories a pop. I'm about to grab one actually mid show.

Um, but, uh, make smart choices like that. Yeah. Just go string cheese. The cheese is, I love,

I want us to touch those actually those, uh, the smarter decisions. Uh, um, you you what was it that you'd said again i wanted to give the i wanted to you to repeat it for all the fat asses listening you make me fucking sick now that i'm now that i'm medium fat and i'm not fat fat like you i'm medium fat you're disgusting what was what was the the thing you just said it was actually uh it was really concise and i think it was a good oh yeah you said no sugary soda and you said something else no alcohol no alcohol is so big because here's the thing about alcohol alcohol

is more than it's uh the sum of its calories okay alcohol leads to poor decisions alcohol makes you hungrier than you would have ever been you drink those six beers and get drunk and you're like oh my god like whatever your fucking shit to your snack is pork rinds or or fucking maybe it's just more beer and you keep going yeah you're gonna leave you're gonna eat a whole goddamn pizza or do something awful yeah and in a bad like like in your bed too yeah you're like doing it but like yeah no sugary drinks alcohol and then if you also drink how much water do you drink in a day kyle uh two gallons when i'm going hard but a gallon every day so if you do that and drink a gallon

of water water will fill up you actually will automatically do. And also because we're men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. Hey, go make us a sandwich, right, boys? Get the hell out of here, bitch! Man! Woo! It's actually way easier for us, too, if you did that.

If you cut the soda and you drank all the water, it's actually like it's not even fair. It's not even fair. The women that are close to you in life that look better better you will be very quickly catching up to their league it'll bother them how fast you are accelerating to be within their league and you're gonna be like well i will stop drinking 12 cans of coke every day yeah well i replaced diet i started drinking diet dr pepper instead of doctor i i literally have like I just drink diet soda. And so my biggest thing, I really overdo it with the late night snackery.

But I have a friend who his habit, like his vice in college, was that he would go to Quick Trip twice a day, every day. And he would refill his 64 ounce Dr. Pepper from the fountain because at Quick Trip, that's like four cents. And so he was drinking a hundred and two.. He was drinking this guy was very, very heavy and he drank 128 ounces of Dr. Pepper. Is that a gallon? That's a gallon. He was regularly drinking gallons of Dr. Pepper and he was not

a big alcohol drinker. When he would eat, he would go overboard at nights, of course, when he was by himself binge eating. Mostly, he would just drink soda in front of everyone all day and he cut that out for one month and i bet he lost 40 pounds dude just that it's crazy uh what made me want to lose weight actually was like the fucking turning point was i was streaming on twitch playing something i don't remember what it was. And I look over and you, you know,

you have your, your streaming software up and you can see yourself kind of like how this is right now. I look over and I'm, I'm sitting there on my third fucking IPA. I have an entire like family sized box of bottle caps, the fucking candy. And I'm sitting there chomping on bottle caps,

drinking an IPA. And I look over and my face is just like, you know that? I got the big beard, the long Manson hair. And I'm like, I'm fucking disgusting. What am I doing? I look like fucking diabetic Manson. What am I doing? It's not even a good candy.

It's a terrible, terrible candy. I just wanted to fill my stomach with something that was on sale. I bet it wasn't even a good IPA. That's how you know you're in like overeating mode is I'll sit there. My wife got me these cauliflower crackers and I was eating these two nights ago and I finished the whole box. And I'm like, this wasn't even good. I was just eating it to eat, to have something going. When I'm watching movies late at night, I like to munch.

I like to be snacking, and I just forget what I'm doing. Let me tell you that when I go to buy snacks, I buy in fuck-up scenarios. So someone will show me snacks, and they'll be like, yeah, let's get this. My girlfriend said, let's get this right here, this box of whatever fucking rice thing. And I flip it around, I look at it, and I'm like, no. This, this, this shirt, this box of whatever fucking rice thing. And I flip it around. I look at it. I'm like, no. She's like, why?

I'm like, because if I fuck up and eat the entire thing, it's still bad. Yeah. Like if I eat this whole box, it'll equal out to like 2000 calories. Unacceptable. I'm going to go grab my snack box real quick. And you can see the hole that I keep putting myself. Yeah. I need to be able to eat the whole box and it's like maybe 800 max all right so so like this like like when i was

cutting away it was so your body's eating itself when you're at that deficit and there's days i would do a 24-hour fast every week so on that day i'd still have to do fasted cardio and i it would be eating alive so when i would would want carbs, I would want volume. And I was on the volume eating subreddit. And I think Woody and I both got on the popcorn grind. It's huge. Oh my God. That's so big. It's as big as your head.

Do you know what's wild? Is they only sell them in two packs. Pretty wild. And so this is a, I was going to say a long supply's just no one ever complains no no one ever complains and this is wait how many how many okay 140 calories 28 servings per container god damn that's like a two days worth of fucking food oh no in one box well there's probably vitamins no gold i just love goldfish no shit very very comfort very comfort snack for me man my my vice is fucking uh do you guys have cookout where you're at yeah the restaurant yeah they have the fried cheese

bites or whatever yeah those things or they have my sheets too those things are the fucking shit but they're actually not that bad i'll go and get like an order of those you know and just an order of those so i'm contained okay one order that's like a cheat it's calories and calories it's fried cheese curds yeah it's like it's like 380 calories per like an order like a little like a bag like breaded they're they're fucking yeah they're fried cheese curds yeah yeah yeah they're fucking i ordered uh cheese fries the other day and without asking for my permission they gave me poutine instead and it was so fucking delicious i didn't know that that was a the idea of gravy on fries always sounded so gross to me

but it was really fucking tasty yeah i thought it was like chili on the fries or something no it's like brown gravy and yeah okay brown gravy you're the real deal yeah chili on the fucking fries man i went to a place called uh it's called hillbilly grocery somewhere in the fucking boonies you know where i around where i live they had these goddamn loaded crinkle cut fries they put chili cheese bacon fresh chopped onion on it the best goddamn thing ever so fucking good like the bacon was just killer i like that we i like that we talked about healthy eating and then we transitioned into this into this right yeah well if you hate moderation that's what you do right like like yeah when you're horny uh and you can't have sex you might watch porn when i'm hungry and i can't have sex, you might watch porn.

When I'm hungry and I can't eat food, I swear to God, like if you looked at my YouTube recommendations, nothing but cooking channels, I would go in there and watch people make and eat good food that I couldn't have. That makes it so much harder. It makes it better. I don't know how, but it made it better. It was like, that is really tough.

Talking about it, I don't need it. Yeah, I don't need to do it right now. Like talking about it, it's free. Like I have like i have control it out of my system yeah i'm a fucking man i can control myself i can do it when you guys are cheating when you're having a day where you're going balls to the wall just a nice reward for being so good yeah what do you like like the rock does where he has like eight pizzas what do you guys order i order um uh a double flame thrower burger from uh dairy queen there's like this spicy double cheeseburger with pepper jack cheese and they put that hot sauce on it and i get rid of the lettuce and all the vegetables really

because i just want cheese and meat and the sauces and i get a um uh what do they call them the fucking frozen desserts they have there the bl blizzard. I get the royal cherry. No, the royal strawberry cheesecake blizzard. The big one. It's like a thousand fucking calories, and it's full of cheesecake bites and strawberry goo and ice cream. It's so fucking good. It's so fucking good.

I wish they would man up. I wish they would man up, and you could be like, I've never had one that looked like that. it's this it's always sloppy yeah this is like the burgers tinder pick those yeah that bacon looks like a like a dog treat bacon kind of does yeah like a bacon strip yeah it has twice as tall and there's no vegetables on it when i eat it i wish a dairy queen would man up and you'd be able to be like yeah could i get a strawberry goo blizzard please instead of them trying to make it seem like it isn't like let's just embrace the fucked up future we live in they have no chill there anyway like do you know they different places have pretty much everyone almost exclusively has

um not exclusively everyone almost always has the same dipping sauces for chicken fingers there's ranch or honey mustard ranch they got gravy at dairy queen and that's like the default my buddy my buddy's like my buddy's like wings obese and his fucking he calls it a shame meal as he goes and gets as many chicken tenders as they they will allow him to all the gravy they will allow him to purchase and just dunks chicken tenders in gravy until he passes out first of all I've ever been turned down no like hey I would like

128 tenders I think usually gets like 20 and then like you know as much gravy as they'll give them and then so they're really fucking good not the chicken tenders but the gravy it's white it's white like sawmill gravy or whatever and uh they also give you that texas toast i dip everything in that gravy it's really good yeah it's really fucking good i want some really better right now i want some too i want to put that in that white gravy uh back to like the the shame meal though

uh when i was i tried to diet when i was fat before and i'm like all right here we go so i go and i hike a mountain right and And I'm fucking exhausted after this. I hadn't eaten all day and I'm like, I'm going to hike this mountain. I'm going to go and eat grilled chicken after we're good. But, you know, I'm in fat mode. So I'm like, I can't have grilled chicken. It's just not going to it's not going to work. You deserve a reward. Yeah. So I go to KFC and I have my dog with me. He hiked with me and he's, pretty big dog, an 80-pound dog.

I go to KFC and I get an entire bucket of chicken. The cashier sees me and he's like, you're sharing the bucket of chicken with your dog, huh? I just go, no. No, sir. No. No, he gets his fucking racial raise or whatever. I'm getting this bucket of chicken.

I eat the entire bucket. I've never liked the chicken from KFC, but I like all of the gross stuff that they put in a bowl. I like those biscuits. I like those mashed potatoes and gravy. Bro, I love their lime green little coleslaw also. I love it. That little lime green. Their coleslaw is i love it that little lime green the coleslaw

is like green in canada i don't know if it is there it's green in america yeah yeah it's fucked up dude in america in the south in the south calma i have or you might have had it in georgia but uh they have chicken livers at kfc it's like a regional thing fried chicken livers so fucking good those are great i like fried chicken livers i've never done that it's like it's like avers. I've never done that. It's like a hard drug. I've never touched that stuff. It really is. Always as a kid, I sort of thought organ meats were gross. And nobody in my family

really ate them. So I didn't have anybody to expose me to it. Did you guys have families who were like, no, we eat cauliflower in this house, god damn it. Eat it, boy! Eat it! We're not leaving the table until you've eaten your mother's cauliflower my family's fat my mom has that where like he had to eat stuff and there was a whole traumatic thing no my well my mom would he though she

never cooked very well so we ate out a lot so i actually ate out uh my mom cooked but like i was allowed not to eat things like they're really yeah but it's like when i was young i was sitting at the table till my shit was done like for a long time sometimes like until it was like freezing and i would just like play the waiting game like i'm not gonna eat this eventually my my parents are like they didn't know shit about food. Like they didn't, they grew up in the time where like, like all, like when we grew, like, like when we, when you go back in time,

like my parents when they were leaving the grocery store when they were kids, they didn't like leave a Walmart and pass like 50 million deliciously packaged treats and interesting stuff or things that were like you know this is good for you like there was like five years where the entire world was like what's the healthiest thing to eat subway sandwiches yeah the whole fucking country was convinced that there was nothing healthier than a subway sandwich and that's how little we all knew and it was like the perfect storm for

that so like i never blamed my parents for it like they didn't know but like like my mom she's like she's like a bigger woman my sister's bigger like they've always had that battle with weight my dad's a bitch um my brother and i we were just kind of like naturally skinny like i got made fun of for being skinny all through high school is a problem it was only like when i turned like 25 that weight started to put on. Like when my metabolism was like, that's all I'm doing for you, bro. That's it. It's on you now.

Yeah, exactly. But this was like. Literally. This was the, just, it was just, that's why food was the way it was. It was like a battle in my house. Yeah. It was like a thing. It was like a battle in my house. It was like a thing. It was like I could eat whatever I want, but then half the house couldn't eat whatever they wanted.

And it's not like we ever learned anything valuable. My family never looked at what's being served and been like, you know, we could use some veggies here too. And now it's like I will buy that. There was nobody there to be disappointed in your poor eating habits. Yeah, exactly. And that's a problem. There's no accountability in so many people's lives anymore. And I don't mean that from a weird authoritarian point of view.

I mean, I bet there's a lot of people who are like, who's going to care if I cheat or not? Nobody's fucking looking anymore. Dude, I told my friends when I got fat. I think people wish somebody was looking over their shoulder. I told my friends when I got fat. I'm like like why didn't you guys bully me like you should have said like dude you're getting fucking fat like your cheeks look like santa claus what are you doing goes a long way it does go a long way i'm like fucking go a long way to getting you to move but you'll definitely think and thinking starts to do it like i know like like like from my

experience like just being in a family like bullying someone being like you're like fucking fat won't make them go to the gym so you don't need to consistently bully but you let that message out one time i was still kind of let it out one time i was still kind of fat in the right picture i was about well on the left you look like me and the goals i'm trying to On the left, that was about 190 pounds there on the right. I like the shirt a lot. I don't know. I like left. I like the shirt on the left. Yeah, the shirt on the left

is definitely the winner. I look like a retired serial killer, but thank you. You don't look like a retired serial killer. It looks like you became gay. You grew into a gay man. It is a retired serial killer. You look like you're in your prime. It looks like you became gay. You grew into a gay man. It is a compliment, though. It is. You look much better.

You look cleaner. Do you know how flattered I would be? No one has ever mistook me as gay because I'm a slovenly pig. If someone came up to me and was like, want to go out sometime, cutie? Want to have anal sex together i'd be like yeah that's what they say and i'd be like that's so flattering you know i don't want to be rude yeah sure dude i think there's a whole bunch of gay guys who are into

dudes like you who want a big hairy bear to to cuddle with see that's the last thing you need is it is the ultimate enabler of like keep eating bitch like i want you i bet you could get yourself a little twink like like like tucker like a tucker sized guy like he's cute and like like and and he would be like your your little femboy wife and and whatever he would need his big daddy bear to keep him safe if i was gonna be like oh unfortunately unfortunately for him he gets a gay man that looks like me it's not gonna be a cute fem boy it's gonna be me and we're gonna like shave each other's backs or something except we'll just like we'll we'll have like a dead bedroom and we'll both just like eat together in bed one of us has the bottom one of us has the bottom so we have to choose our diet

correctly we have to start choosing what we eat for our sexual activities oh all right well then i'm gonna have to be the top unless you're willing to play asshole roulette every night even if you are the top like you're still eating the bottom meal with me like i'm not eating a salad while you eat a burger and i get fucked in the ass not happening i would eat a burger and a salad and you would have a light salad that's not fair to me though we'd switch off hi kathy we're having our first relationship fight already we've been gay for 48 seconds we've been gay for 40 seconds so we're already not working out yeah that would that would be kind of fun. Yeah, following the rules of everything, everywhere, all at once.

Just imagine how great it would be to have, like if your significant other was like your gym bro, though. Maybe that's why gay guys are often so fit, right? Like they've got a gym bro right there all the time. Yeah. You know what it is i think men are super shallow and also men require a lot of like caretaking to be like like to look good in a way you know what i mean guys are our bodies are like what is aesthetically

pleasing in modern society for like a man's body body is the opposite of what our bodies want to do naturally. They're like, no, no, store the fat. Hard times will come. Hard times will come. It's fucking hairy. Old time will come. Yeah. And it's like, nah, bro, get lean as fuck.

You don't need all that hair either. Hard times will not come. We're going to get laid. And you're fighting the inner caveman that wants to get as fat and hairy as possible for the hard times. Exactly. And I feel like guys are really shallow, as we know we are. And, you know, like gay men are men.

And they're just like that. To me, sometimes I think about that. I'm like, damn, like, it'd be cool. You know, you think you're doing all like damn like it'd be cool you know you think you're doing all your like fun guy stuff you and the boys would do um but then you're also gay yeah like yo we're gonna be really mean to me what if you were what if you were bi though and like you and your boy were out like grabbing girls all the time and that was your that was your game and if you fail you just go fuck your friend that's just like yeah we're getting laid tonight tonight no matter what that's

the future you go out that's the future for our kids that's the future i want for my children what you're not ready is for your grandkid being like uh like you if you're like how you doing high school you meet anyone it's like i got my dick sucked by five guys today grandpa oh no and you're like, how you doing high school? You meet anyone? It's like, I got my dick sucked by five guys today, Grandpa. Oh, no. And you're like, way to go. Except we'll like only be upset if they were like dressed as Spyro or Sonic as they were doing it. It's like, just have wholesome gay sex like we had as a kid.

No reason for these degenerate costumes and such. Have sex with each other like the founding fathers intended. It's going to be in the metaverse also, so your kid's going to be into some super fucked up stuff. Like, we started off slow. We got into these bra

catalogs. Let's not get off body shaming yet. Did you see Elon Musk in his beach attire? Yes saw i saw a comment someone said he's built like a deep breath he's uh i i think he's built like the founding fathers were i have like how i imagine like where is he on a beach he's like all chest and rib cage and no legs and arms he's like a cartoon character. He's got a very odd body type.

Yeah, it's really weird. It's just what happens when you're like... There's one from behind that shows off better. This kind of looks normal. Yeah, the side one. That one looks more... I saw a couple that were like... He looked a little like Dr. Robotnik. Look how pale he is.

That's the real interesting thing. That's crazy, too. Yeah, there is something up with his rib cage. He's very girthy. He's like an egg. He's like an egg. These also aren't the picture that I was thinking of.

Is that his lady? I don't know if he's married or whatever. It would be sad to be that rich because no one ever is going to like you for who you are. You know what I mean? Yeah. Does anyone like anyone for who they are anyway?

Who we are is just an amalgamation of all the things, all the positive attributes we have weighed against all the negative attributes we have anyway. And then we take the sum of that and say, yeah, that'll do. The fact that this guy just happens to really blow it out of the water with his money doesn't mean that somewhat isn't going to be like, Elon, he's fucking hilarious, especially when we're on his jet. He cracks me the fuck up. You have to weigh it out. Bill Cosby raped 167 people. True.

But I learned a lot from those episodes with Theo where they learned about careers and taking responsibility for your actions. And so you have to measure that out and go, okay, what's the, you know. And that's what the crux of this Bill Cosby thing has been. Chris Benoit was my favorite wrestler and he killed his family. Yeah, he did. But that was because of CTE, not because he was like a murderer. Well, strictly he murdered. I like to believe that the CTE allowed him to be who he really was, who he always wanted a murderer. Well, strictly he murdered. I like to believe that the CTE

allowed him to be who he really was. Who he always wanted to be. And that's a murderer who kills his family. I think he was really... Unlocked his potential. What if CTE was like that limitless pill? At the cost of not being able to read anymore and getting extremely

upset at mild inconveniences. Give me a hammer. I'm going limitless. That was a good movie, actually. That movie, I always think about that movie that's so perfectly timed. Sometimes this happens.

Every now and then, a movie comes out and is like the perfect guy's movie for the men at the time just like 300 was 300 is a perfect example of that when 300 came out every dude was like this is a fucking movie bro yeah like everyone and like when limitless came out it just happened to come out at a time where every guy was like, I would love a pill that made me fuck more women and be super smart and rich. I kind of need that. I'm going to go check out this movie. Like, I feel like Bradley Cooper really made a mark on men as an actor after that movie.

Because every guy I know has seen Limitless and liked Limitless. I've never seen it. You never saw it? Never seen it. Bro, you're the seen Limitless and liked Limitless. I've never seen it. You never saw it? Never seen it. Bro, you're the ultimate Limitless guy. I know what it's about, so I don't need to see it. I know exactly.

I bet without having seen it, I could describe the entire plot. I know what's going to happen. No, you don't. You couldn't possibly guess. It's so complicated. It's pretty straightforward. It's pretty straightforward. It's pretty straightforward. The guy takes the pill and gets too smart.

Then people begin to be suspicious because this former retard's not very smart. When you were saying that, I was like, oh shit. I'm like, what kind of take did he get from the movie? I was like, because it is pretty straightforward. I thought you were going to have some whole deeper meaning that I missed the meaning of the movie the whole time. I was like, go on. No, it was about how you need to be a better liar

if you're going to get away with stealing genius pills. You'd think the genius pill would make you more sensitive to not overdoing your genius, right? Yeah. But I guess not. Yeah, I like Bradley. Christian Bale is my favorite actor. I'll watch anything Christian Bale's in.

I love that guy. Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal. So it was always leonardo dicaprio for me but jake jillian hall is absolutely on that level now he's killing it like jake jillian hall is really like i'm very happy when i see him ever since nightcrawler i feel like that changed him and like i saw him it was the first movie i watched with him where i

was blown away with like donnie darko you've seen donnie dark donnie darko i saw him in nightcrawler was the first movie I watched with him where I was blown away. Donnie Darko. You've seen Donnie Darko. Donnie Darko. I forgot I was seeing him so long ago. I saw him in Nightcrawler. It was either before or after I saw him in Enemy. You guys ever seen Enemy? Yeah, yeah. Where he's playing two different characters. He's playing like, it's complicated, but he's playing two different characters that are vastly different personality-wise, but it's him.

You know what I mean? In the same fucking movie. The dude's amazing. See characters that are vastly different personality wise, but it's him. You know what I mean? Like in the same fucking movie, like the dude's amazing. That's risky because like that worked out. But then there was that movie I was looking because I also like Tom Hardy a lot. I think he's a good actor. Yeah. And there was that movie where he was like twins with himself and he played the non glasses twin and the glasses twin. And he was like, like a British bully gangster.

No, no, it wasn't good. It wasn't very good. I did like the one scene where he beat those men with a hammer. See, that's the one I thought of where the one with the glasses leaves and he's like every one of you blokes gonna be bleeding on the floor a few minutes you'll see

my retired brothers coming back. Fuck you. Fuck you. Tommy Andrews. I love that. He's pretty sweet. He's a good actor. He's like, you won't mind if I defend myself, will you? And he's got brass knuckles. And they're like, wait a minute. And he just immediately starts

taking them out while his brother comes in with two fucking hammers. That was the peak of the entire movie. Yeah, agreed. It's the only scene that's worth watching in that movie. Because like so many other ones like there were ham-handed twin moments where it's already had some stinkers remember when he did the al capone movie where he's shitting on himself i i got probably 40 minutes into that and was like at no so at no point we're flashing back to the interesting parts of al capone's like why do you no one is

interested in someone because they had neurosyphilis. They're interested because of all those years before where he ran the Chicago mob and was one of the most influential people of the 20th century. Like that's, I don't care once he's like grizzly going, what do you want? You're my granddaughter.

And they're like, that's not your granddaughter, that's someone else's. I don't even care. We're in Chicago. And his voice the whole time is like it's like one of those voices that as you're listening you're like oh that right there that's a fake voice as clear as day that's as forced as i've ever seen there's a bag of ludens right next to him like it's fucking ridiculous but then again when he's uh what's the movie where he's the world's most dan britain's most dangerous prisoner or whatever when he's got the mug.

That was my introduction to him. Yeah, knocked out of the park there. It's great. That was my introduction to him and Bronson. And I love him as Bane. I love him as Bane. Honestly, he was better in my opinion, he was better than Leo in The Revenant. He stole the show.

I hated him. That's for for sure i didn't like his character that character the story of hugh glass that the revenant is based on is apparently even more ridiculous than what you saw there because before he did so a lot of that's like shifted around the indian son thing i think that's all horse shit and like um um them hurting his son so therefore is of course all her horse shit but before them hurting his son, therefore, is, of course, all horse shit. But before any of that had happened, he had been kidnapped by pirates on the sea and was like a prisoner on their ship. And then that ship shipwrecked, and him and his buddy make it ashore, and they are taken captive by Indians, some awful tribe, I don't remember which, that are like fucking cannibals. And so they torture his friend to death by taking pine, like strips of pine wood and stabbing it into his body all over and lighting them afire.

Which sounded like resinous pine needles or something. And they burn him alive, essentially. And then they go to burn him alive and he like produces i don't remember what color it was but like some green dye or blue dye like he's like oh i've got this and they're so blown away by green dye i guess that they were like ah do you want to marry my daughter and so he marries the chief's daughter and i always thought like dude why didn't you pull out that green die before they burned your boy alive and be like yeah we're a we're a tag team we make the die together we're the die boys

i mean he was probably a smart move where he's like well there's only one daughter yeah yeah he ended up marrying the chief's daughter and like uh that all happened before the bear attack but he he wasn't a diamond and so the the chief was undoubtedly like no you have married my daughter you will return to the white man and bring back many green dye pickets and he's like yeah yeah for sure absolutely so much green dye dude first abs yes yes gotta go back to england though because it's all there like like that that is surprising. Like, I guess dye would have been mind-blowing back in the day.

It was certain colors. Because they had indigo. Yeah, I've watched the History Channel, indigo. Yeah, depending on where you live in the world, there were some colors you just wouldn't have been able to do, right? Like, I don't know what makes blue and green and yellow and purple, but there's some colors that they just didn't have, and this was blowing their minds.

What's available to you around you? I saw a thing on probably Reddit or whatever. It was like up until however many years ago, the ability to eat a pineapple, a banana, and an apple in the same day

would be physically impossible. Yeah. Yeah. You'd have to, like, have a... Be able to go around the world. Yeah, we forget, like, how absurd... Like, the king of a great country a couple hundred years ago could not have made such a thing happen.

He couldn't have sent his fastest ships out and, like, they'd have had to chip ice from somewhere and like have pineapples on ice on ships for for weeks and weeks like the king of france was like i've won some apples they'd be like okay well uh we're next year like we just we scoured the kingdom they're not here uh well i guess well about next? I hear next season's the year, the year 1409. That's when the apple, they got this new one called Red Delicious. Not mealy, not shitty. Yeah, you couldn't do it.

Oh, that's the other thing, of course. Like the pineapple of then was probably some fucking ball sack of a fruit. You wouldn't want to eat any. Bananas had seeds in them. Blech. Yeah. Terrible. I wouldn't eat a banana with seeds.

Like Woody told us, the reason that banana candy tastes nothing like banana to us seeds in them. Terrible. I wouldn't eat a banana with seeds. The reason that banana candy tastes nothing like banana to us is because that kind of banana went extinct at some point and they just kept making banana taste like that. We've been eating some bootleg banana that's some shittier, milder

tasting banana. I've been having so much fun talking about retarded nonsense with you guys. We're two hours in. Time to talk about a couple more. Wonderful. Wonderful. Top notch. Everyone's talking. People are talking. Sponsors. So, this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp, brand new sponsor.

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you can check out their syrups, which we have here, and they also have gummies that are a little less powerful than the Death by Gummy Bears. Now, if you are someone who wants to get absolutely shithouse, absolutely blasted, someone who says, when I get high, I play for keeps, you want to go to deathbygummybears.com. It's no joke, folks. I've had dozens of people tweet me saying, I thought you were memeing. I took two and I had an out of body experience or I couldn't function for eight hours. So please, this shit is strong. They're very strong. So take it easy with these. If you're a THC pro, I'm not going to insult you by telling you what to do. You can handle yourself. a THC pro. I'm not going to insult you by telling you what to do. You can handle yourself. But if you're more of a beginner, check out the carts and the syrups over at wonkyweeds.com for the experience death by gummy bears.com. And it's the same coupon code folks for both of them. P K a 20 at wonkyweeds.com or death by gummy bears.com gives you 20% off your entire order.

That's a huge savings. This is high quality shit. We, this is all that me and Kyle use anymore because it's far and away better than any of that garbage you're picking up at stores near you. That's underdosed. That's incorrectly dosed. When this stuff says 100 milligrams, believe it. You, that, that bullshit gas station stuff you bought that said a hundred milligrams. Oh, you handled that just fine. We'll get ready for a rude awakening when you have an actually correctly dosed one so don't be a hero start off slow if you don't have a high tolerance and you insist on getting these like a lot of you do apparently because so many people were like yeah i'm not a big thc user but i wanted to go balls to the wall so i got the death by gummy bear like start with a cart if you have no experience

start with a cart and you're going to be a lot more comfortable. But that is coupon code PKA20 for 20% off everything over at wonkyweeds.com and deathbygummybears.com. Shit ton. According to my contacts over at that company, the products are going gangbusters. PKA listeners are absolutely exploding their market, their online website, I mean. So check it out, PKA20. absolutely exploding their market, their online website, I mean.

So check it out, PKA20. Hope you enjoy. I recommend the syrups and the Death by Gummy Bears. The Sysurps. And like I said, THCO is stronger than Delta-8. So if you want to start with something a little slower, go Delta-8. The HHC, I think, might be the strongest. That might, yeah.

The Delta-10, the THCO, and the HHC are all stronger than Delta 8. And so if you're looking to just jump into it, get one of these bubblegum-flavored Delta 8s, and it'll be super gentle. So check them out. Also, as always, this episode of PKA is brought to you by Lock and Load, the absolute finest product that you can use to come like a man. Use code PKA or code Jizz, and you will get 10% off Lock and Load, as well as everything else on Derek's site. It really, really helps support the show when you guys check this out.

So if you are interested, please give it a go, and you will not be disappointed. Like we've said before, we tell you to take nine pills a fucking day for a reason because it works. We're not just doing that because we're trying to fill your stomach up with supplements. Yeah, go ahead and check it out. We're going to sell out at Christmas, so I'm really looking forward to that. People like to buy them as gifts, so I know there's going to be a lot of lock and load cum pill gifts. gifts so i know there's gonna be a lot of lock and load uh compil gifts yeah it's did you imagine like when we were like coming up with this a couple years ago that like a year after we released it

it'd be like selling out yes really i thought it was like like really the big thing that was like keeping it going was that we actually got a formulation to work like yeah getting a formulation that actually worked is what kept it going because if we had done some bullshit it would have been like a little meme thing for two weeks and then like doing my stuff with derek i remember i remember i messaged him one night and i was like hey uh and real quick i'm so sorry kyle uh so american-based wonky weeds and death by gummy bears they are legal anywhere that hemp derived thc is legal so if you are in any state where weed is is illegal it's pretty much legal there if you are in california colorado i do not believe they can ship to you because it's uh different laws so that's just sorry about that so pk 20 20 off sorry to jump back to it go ahead no you're fine

no yeah it's good stuff very we're talking about, or I was talking about scalping, because I think scalping is one of the most hardcore things in all of history, like the idea of the way the American savages would scalp people. And I guess you've got a thing here, because we were talking about it. I didn't know the – let me read this, Zach. I'm curious. Did you say savages yeah american savages that's how they prefer to be called that's the new thing um native americans

in the southeast i gotta get caught up then i guess yeah you get woke but i'm behind now clearly you're sleeping on this achieve the status of warrior and to placate the spirits of the dead while most members of the northwestern tribes value the taking of captives over scalps among planes indian scalps were taken for war honors often from live victims yeah see that's the they would scalp you fucking alive and and these people would be i've seen people who like healed from it and it's gruesome it's gruesome that would be one of the worst ways to die is getting scalped and like shot with of those shit-covered arrows and left to die on the planes. Is that a real scalp? Oh, no.

You were saying something before the podcast. What was it? You were talking about Native American – the word. They had a stick. They had a particular stick. Oh, the cool stick. Oh, yeah. No, I was talking about how I was fascinated with – the word you said they had a stick they had a particular stick oh the cool stick yeah oh yeah no i was talking about how i was fascinated with um zach what are the the it might be five things

or three things i can't remember what are the different things that um uh an indian has to do to like achieve the rank of like war chief or um you have to like lead a war band um and and to like maybe and maybe win be successful you have to steal horses from the enemy um and one of the things you have to count coup on an enemy and counting coup means riding up or running up and not killing your enemy but slapping him like giving him a humiliation slap in the face or in the head and one of the ways they would do it zach told me earlier was that they had something called a coup stick and i gotta see what a fucking coup stick is because this is a stick made for one purpose this is to ride up slap the enemy in the face and be like and right away to show how much of a badass you are it's interesting it looks like a dream catcher

yeah are you i like how they're like yeah yeah same thing not everything that's everything that's also the fork is this a genuine coup stick zach or one of those korean knockoffs okay you know what's interesting is like one tribe and meeting another tribe and they're like yo we just disrespected this other tribe over there and it's like yo what'd you do to them it's like yo they weren't looking i ran up and slapped the back of his head and got away untouched they're like what they're like yeah why would you do when you disrespect someone they're like we scalp them you take the skin off their head and keep it for a hundred years have you ever seen legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt

and Anthony Hopkins it's kind of a romance I could rewatch that it's actually been that long it's been a long time that's acoustic that acoustic is also his scalping stick I'm getting that I'm getting that

is that just a stick or is that a bone too you know I don't know it would make it creepier I'm not that is that just a stick or is that a bone too you know i don't know it would make it creepier i'm not a person that's like like necessarily like oh there's spirits all around us or ghosts but i'm not like against it either maybe who knows come i will say though you bring that stick into your house shit's gonna haunt you i go back to that stick one of my favorite sailor bits is a cursed item who was it that when was it that you were you were like lord satan i invite you into my willing vessel of a soul invade me with your dark hatred i was i was with my this was uh the first vacation i ever went on with my wife and she like believes in demons and all that stuff.

And like we've been dating for maybe a year. We went to Florida and we were sitting watching a scary movie because I'm big into scary movies. She isn't as much. And we're watching the movie and she's like, I have to go to the bathroom. Pause it. And I'm like, OK. She's like, also get up and turn on all the lights so I can go to the bathroom. And I'm like, you can see the bathroom from here. We can see the light shining out of the hallway where the bathroom is.

And she's like, it's so scary. I don't I don't want to. Because it was like a demonic kind of scary movie. And I was telling her, I'm like, you know, what spooks me out are like those those creepy, ghoulish people that might come and kill you in your sleep. But what spooks her are those demons. And so like she got up to go to the bathroom and to like freak her out. I was like like babe this shit isn't real i've been telling her that like this isn't real like it's okay like settle down but she got up to go to the bathroom and i was like see none of this is real watch satan enter my soul use me as your vessel lord of darkness i will do your bidding for whoever you choose it and i like did that for probably 30 seconds.

And she was like, stop it. I'm serious. Stop. Don't invite Satan into your heart right next to me. And I'm like, I'm joking. And if I'm not, he's so tricky. You're not going to know. If he totally consumed my spirit, I guarantee he's more articulate than me.

He's going to convince you that nothing happened. This is exactly what he'd say. It's a very, yeah, this is just guarantee he's more articulate than me he's going to convince you that nothing happened like this is exactly what he'd say it's a very very yeah this is just now let's go he'll make love to you far better than i ever could that was like she she hated that allow me to do your bidding i saw i saw the movie hereditary and it was like demon based and after that i like caused quite the ruckus with a few people because you'd be surprised how many people hate which you did yeah taylor oh yeah because i did something a bit milder because it wasn't like just me and my wife who was like fucking terrified but i would um put on on youtube um the incantation to summon king pyman oh so i would like put it on and it's like a scary mantra that's like repeating yeah and I would like put it on and it's like a scary mantra

that's like repeating. Yeah, and I would like put it on and it does sound bad. And I have like full grown men friends that are like, turn it off! Turn it off! They're like at the front door,

they're like, I'll leave. I'll leave and I'll never come back again. Can you fill me in on what King Paimon? You don't know about her. It was like the 13 kings of hell or something. It's a real demon. I mean, a real demon. Yeah, I mean, he's in a demonology book.

So it's the bad guy from Hereditary. He was the demon influencing everything. The whole cult was worshiping him, and they're summoning him and putting him into a vessel. Spoiler, that's the whole point of the movie. I thought it was just a Hereditary thing. I didn't know that. No, it'll fuck your wife up if demons scare her. Wait, you've never seen Hereditary?

No, no. I mean, I thought King Paimon was a hereditary thing. I just looked up and it's like got a big, long history. I went down that hole once on King Paimon. You summon him if you want desires that are monetarily like a money thing. He can help you there uh because there's

different kings of hell that you would ask the help for for different things king pymes is like uh the sounds like my god you know what i mean my people be praying to him and then he has uh he also if he also summoned him if you want your enemies to fail, which I always thought was such a funny, petty desire to not have success. You get him if you want your enemies to fail. He's like the petty demon. Just wanting to win? No.

He's not even involved. No, no, no. He's not even involved. It's a quote from a movie. It's like, I want for no, no. It's not. It's a quote from a movie. It's like, I want for no one else. Oh, it's from There Will Be Blood. I want for no one else to succeed.

It's not enough to win. It's really petty. I got the symbol tattooed on me and I crypto crashed and I lost a lot of money, so it doesn't work. I'm looking up what the chant is. I'm not going to do it just in case. Wait, what is that? You haven't lost it until you sell it.

What is that tattoo? It's the payment symbol. Yeah, he's got the one with the curly things there. And you put crypto? Crypto crashed and it doesn't work. He was hoping that Byman would help him out.

This is a demon king. So when he made Bitcoin worth 70K, that was on you to cash out. I guess it was. It's a diamond. It's not going to keep going up. You got to know when to cut your winds and walk away from it. And I say that as someone who also has Bitcoin and did not sell it. Dude, that is, if Christianity is real, you're going to hell so quick.

Yeah. You're not going to fool St. Peter at the front gate when he's like, what's that, a band? He's going to know. it's it's like uh you know if christianity is real uh you can be forgiven for anything so be like hey man hit him with that eraser you can be but but you're gonna have to burn that off with some boiling holy water there's no you're gonna get there and saint that off with some boiling holy water. There's no, you're going to get there. And St. Peter is going to be like, um,

I know Lord Pyman, the King of hell. I got his name written on you, bro. It's like showing up at Harley's house with a fucking swastika on your forehead. Yeah. I'll just be like,

I'm not going to let you in. I'll just be like, uh, I was the first God commentator ever. Like give me, give me a pass. Yeah. Well,

if Taylor showed up with a swastika on his head, I'd be like, you're crazy, man. Come on in. Crazy for that, though. Peter's like, look at this guy. The ball's on him. He's like, no, this is inappropriate. Let me get my white hood covered this time.

If Taylor showed up at my house with a swastika on his head, I'd be like, you're crazy, man. Come on in. And even though I know Kyle better, if Kyle showed up with a swastika on his head i'd be like i'm scared you'd be like okay well taylor's clearly being like weird and ironic kyle has made a decision look at kyle's physical presence he is the superior race it's not a race it's just him i would say that if you showed up at

heaven with that uh tattoo and they were like well this guy get him out of here they'd cast you to hell and you'd pull up and like king pine would be like fucking love a pie man stan yeah grab a seat up here up front yeah it would be like if you went to prison with some gangster tattoos and they were like, yeah, you're a crip? Where? And you'd be like, ah, you know, on the east side. It'd be like, east side of where? Chicago. You know

Big Mo? Yeah, I know Big Mo. The guy would walk away and put in a phone call to Big Mo and they'd kill you the next day when Big Mo didn't know you. That's what would fucking happen. They'd kill you over and over because it's hell but lord pyman is just gonna kill you every day for all of eternity for repping his name do we know that though is that what he's gonna do he's gonna like hurt he's gonna be like did you ever pray to me in the black tongue you're gonna be like well no not not specifically i just like the man. Did you ever spill virgin blood to me?

I just like the movie. That doesn't cut it in hell. It is. That doesn't cut it in hell. The 20 collect those. They'd be accepting of you. They'd be like, come on in. Your mom and dad are here already. Your grandparents are here. The whole family's in hell

because of your tattoo. I imagine they have TV in hell but it's the old antenna from when we were kids that you've got to like flip through the channels and it's all fuzzy if they have like TV in hell what's playing?

Andy Griffith's show you think that's the worst show imaginable? I think if you had to watch it for all eternity the sweet, like... How about this, Kyle? Here's your hell. You have to rewatch the last 40 minutes of the last episode of Game of Thrones.

That's the only content you can ever see. Oh, God. Oh, that's pretty bad. No, the last half hour. Not even anything good. Anything over and over is awful, though. Like, if you had to watch your favorite thing over and over, it would be done within a day.

That's probably what hell would actually be if they were being creative. It'd be like, oh, what's Taylor's favorite movie? Oh, The Lord of the Rings. Well, then enjoy The Lord of the Rings for eternity. And then they would just do that. So in the TV show, it's a graphic novel, The Preacher, they go to hell, and Hitler's there. And everyone has their personal hells in hell. it's a graphic novel, The Preacher. They go to hell, and Hitler's there.

And someone, everyone has their personal hells in hell. And you're in a cell that looks like a regular prison, but in that cell, you then experience your hell. And there's break time in between your hell. There's snack time and stuff. You get out for rec, that sort of thing.

Congregate. You go to the bathroom sometimes. You're in hell, but you eat. There's's meals but most of the time hitler is just experiencing the time i think it's when his art got shot down or something i can't remember exactly what his hell was but it's just some little little moment from his life this little five minute conversation he had where someone were like was like no that's not gonna cut it that like crushed his heart and he has to live it over and over. You suck, and that dog painting isn't even good. Yeah, I can't remember exactly what it was.

It's been a while. The first season or two of Preacher is really fucking good. There's a Twilight Zone episode, the old show Twilight Zone, where it's this German U-boat commander, and he's on this boat, but he doesn't know why he's on the boat like he can't remember how he got there or whatever and then uh at the end of the episode the boat he's on gets shot or gets like uh shot down attacked and then it sinks and he dies and before he goes down he he like looks through a telescope to see who's shooting him down in the other boat and it's him like it's him that's it he has to relive that like he keeps having this deja vu

it's really fucking cool yeah twilight zone is still it holds up so well oh yeah so many episodes do it's it's so interesting i always cry when i watch that one episode where the guy um dies him and and and him him and his dog die, I guess. I think they drown while they're hunting. But he wakes up and he's in purgatory, you know, between life and death. And the devil is like tempting him.

He's like, come on, heaven this way, come on in. And the guy's like, oh, it's terrible that I died, but sure, let's go to heaven. He's like, ah, but no dogs. And the dog's barking and growling at this guy. And he's like ah but no dogs and he's like and the dog's barking and growling at this guy and he's like rufus can't come nah no dogs in heaven sorry rufus can't come i don't want to go and he keeps walking and then like down the path he finds the real angel he's like well of course that dogs are allowed in heaven that was the devil back there

rufus would never lead you astray because he's a good boy. Pretty fucked up we let him hang out near the door, right? I was going to get mad at them. I'd be like, Brooke, can you call your pastor, please? Couldn't you? He almost got me.

My mom might not come here with a dog. What if the dog could swim? What the hell? Such horseshit. I mean, I would have been fooled by that. My mom might not come here with a dog and have... What if the dog could swim? I mean, I would have been fooled by that. Satan tells me, well, no, dogs aren't allowed in heaven. Sorry, Fozzie. If I had a relationship between you and Jesus, I'd be like, damn, that sucks, but that does check out. Like, all right, I guess I'll follow you into the lake of sulfur unintentionally. There's one where it's like a burglar is robbing

this place you know and the fucking alarm goes off and he gets gunned down by the cops and like he wakes up after getting gunned down he's like dead you know it's like his soul wakes up and it's like a little guardian angel comes and he's like hey i'm here to you know like guide you through and he's just like okay well i didn't expect to go to heaven but all right and he's basically just giving him everything he wants all episode and like at first it's really cool but eventually it's just like there's no challenge like he's going to the fucking vegas slots and he wins every time he's just like at the end he's like this place honestly this place fucking sucks i want to go to i want to go to hell and he's just like no i think you like you fucked up like this

is hell like this is hell. Like this is hell. Yeah. You're already here. Yeah. You always win. There's nothing. There's no challenges. There's no risk.

There's no risk. Literally like when you play a game and you're like really enjoying a video game and then you like put on the cheats and you're like, this game sucks. Yeah. It's like when I would play Tony Hawk pro skater and I'd be like, I'm going to have a blast for five hours if I turn off gravity. And then like 20 minutes in, you're like, I can only grind the same thing for so long.

And you're like, not only that, you're like, I dislike the whole game now a bit more too. Yeah. That always happened with GTA. I'd be like playing single player. I'm getting through it. I'm like doing it. And then I'm like, one cheat never hurt. But one cheat is like like literally like five

yeah and then all of a sudden you're like uh doing like 10 missions and you're like this is mindless with gta i wouldn't cheat on the missions but if i just wanted to have fun i would do the fucking all weapons code on my playstation 2 and just see how long I could hold up against the cops at a big building or something. We called that Popo Dodger. When we were playing, we'd be in the 11th grade. We're like, let's play Popo Dodger. It'd be like one

PlayStation controller. You put in the code for all the guns and then all the full law enforcement. Then it's like, go. We would just pass the guns and then all the full law enforcement and then it's like go and then we would just pass the controller and see who lasted the longest without getting wasted or busted yeah i mean that's kind of fun yeah yeah that's kind of fun and then we'd suck each other's cocks yeah you have to blow the winner good times yeah that's and the loser you know you need to like make sure he doesn't blow the runner up

Everybody's going to need And you don't want the third guy to feel left out You got to just get everybody It's just polite Round the group out And then we stole people's houses Sorry continue You stole houses?

No In GTA? Like you just go in there and try and fend them off? I mean like I didn't play GTA 5. Actually, I didn't play a single Grand Theft Auto game until Grand Theft Auto 5, and I didn't play until 2019. Yikes.

And it was so much fun. You're like, I get it! I get it! I get why everybody fucking loves this game. It's great. Oh, really? I like Vice City so much. Vice City is the best.

Vice City for me was so good because It's based on Scarface. It's Scarface first of all, yes. And I like that music. I like that 80s music. The Vice City soundtrack is incredible. Oh yeah, Bark of the Moon. I'm on that fucking crotch rocket screaming down the main boulevard.

It's like da da da da da da da da and I like hit a woman and she just flies through the air over my head and I'm like this is life I liked how in GTA so good I don't think it was called that was it? I don't think I see you pronounce it

that is how you pronounce it it's not how you pronounce it nor I I can guess how this was pronounced by the players of the game. They knew what they were doing. No, I loved Vice City so much. I remember when I got it for Christmas, wondering if my parents knew what they had purchased me.

Like, y'all know what's in here? I'm going to go kill some hookers my buddy worked at a game stop in oklahoma and he was like he does this all the time he's like you have no idea how many people came in when san andreas came out and were literally like so i could only play as a black man is there a code to be a white man? So no matter what, you're going to be black. And they're like, oh. And he's like, people literally,

he's like, people would come back the day after buying it and be like, so I'm a black guy? And he was like, it was much more common than you'd think in Oklahoma, like pulling up in this particular GameStop. I wasn't going to say it, but. Don't you play most of it first person? No, no.

The old ones you didn't. And there's voice lines and interactions with your family and friends. I don't care as long as it's funny. Nah, they're all black too. So it's that black humor, you know. Oh, well, my goodness. I actually...

You understand now. It's that black humor, you know. Oh, well, my goodness. I actually, I ain't no more. Now, at that point in my life, You understand now. At that point in my life and where I was at, I feel like I related to that culture game more than anything. Because, like, growing up in this, like, this, like, Jewish suburb,

you'd be surprised how many fucking studio gangsters live around here. There are so many people that strive to be a rapper, like strive to be a rapper. And they're like, they're like, you know, like,

like white Jew, you know, like Sean shellski. And he's like, nah, it's Mr. Shells. Now something like that, nah, it's Mr. Shells now. Something like that.

So that's why I was around. So when I'm playing a game and everything is like, you know, like 90s, like California hip hop culture, I'm like, I'm all versed in this. I'm all about this.

Yeah, I grew up in a strongly Jewish neighborhood. I know. I'm connected with the culture. It's crazy. It was actually, you'd see, like, there were, like, the people that, like, I grew up and around. It's so funny. It was not their life, but they wanted that to be their life.

I mean, so did I. Like, I'd go to, like, school. Like, the music I listened to, I'm, like, blasting rap all the time. listen to him like blasting rap all the time there was like a five-year period where i literally listened to rap only then i fell off for an extended period of time because like i hated it for a while um but it was around that time when the game came out i was like this is sick but i also didn't think it was going to be as good as vice city until they the commercial

came out that was the welcome to the jungle commercial and yeah it was such a hype ass trailer for the game yeah because he has the rocket launcher and he has the gang members with him and his body type changes like exactly like being fat or jacked and i love san andreas but there's just vice city was the fucking one my brother had actually just texted me like an hour ago and said uh today is the 35th anniversary of the release of appetite for destruction from guns and roses that's so crazy yeah yeah can't believe your brother and I are on the exact same frequency. Can you loop Harley in with your bro? I could. He probably wouldn't know.

Maybe they'll be done. I think they're making a Fallout TV show or movie, right? Yeah, they released an image from it. That never works out well. I'm looking at the image. Halo got some good shit. When they make shows based on video games, maybe I'm wrong. Is there an example where it came out

good? A show? Yeah, like a show or a movie. I really like the Resident Evil movie, the first one. I thought the first Resident Evil movie was sick. I loved it. Yeah, the Super Duper Mart. Yeah.

I loved that first Resident Evil movie. I don't know if you saw that one. I did, of course. No, I did it. Yeah, the Super Duper Mart. Yeah. I loved that first Resident Evil movie. I don't know if you saw that one. I did, of course. No, I did not. Yeah, Mila Jovovich. Yeah, exactly. Then she was in like 12 others. But I don't know about that normally.

I like hers, so I don't mind the sequels. They're all like the same movie over and over. It's like, last time the zombies were like killing everything and I'd stop them. But now it's even worse because we're all zombies and we've got to become human again. Like everyone is like something. It's like the Fast and the Furious sequels. I loved. And it's like, I know a lot of people didn't like it,

and I also didn't play much of the game, but I really liked the Warcraft movie. Oh, I didn't like it. I thought it was really chill. I didn't have any loyalty to Warcraft, so I don't know if they changed anything. I thought the CG was, like, totally fine. At one point, the humans, like, meet up with the orcs,

and I just remember they were, like, the orcs were, like, muchcs. And I just remember the orcs were much stronger. And I just remember the orcs picking up a whole horse at one point and throwing it at five humans. And I was like, that was so fucking sick. I was like, I love that. Also, Sonic the Hedgehog movies were both pretty good. Yeah. They're all right. They're totally all right.

Uncharted movie, fucking hated it. Man, Max Payne was bad too. Max Payne was so fucking bad. like they're totally all right uncharted movie fucking hated it man max thought it was just was so fucking bad yeah i like mark walberg too but what about the um oh i like the tomb raider movie also it's pretty chill yeah i'm okay with that yeah but nothing no no real bangers though nothing that's like nothing that blew you away no one comes out with the movie which they should where people would be like this is better than the game super mario brothers Like nothing that blew you away. No one comes out with the movie, which they should, where people would be like, this is better than the game. Super Mario brothers.

Oh, you know what? I liked it back when I was at the age where I thought it was sick. Yeah. John Leguizamo tells stories about that. Have you ever heard him on like a podcast or something talking about how awful it was him and Bob, the other guy that plays Mario,

but his name is Bob. Yeah. And, and they were drunk. Most of the production. that plays Mario, but his name is, uh, Bob. Yeah. And, and they were drunk. Most of the production, he's like, we get wasted and go on set and just laugh all day at the job. We'd gotten ourselves into,

we were drunk through it all. He's like, it didn't make any sense. None of it did. And at the time, like John Leguizamo was already an established actor. Yeah, yeah. He'd been in big shit.

I can't remember that. Carlito's Way or something like that. He'd done some stuff. Yeah, for sure, of course. Oh, I liked Mortal Kombat, the first one, and the new one also. The new one was fucking good. Yeah, I liked it. It's just not my cup of tea, I think.

Oh, talking about these shows. Okay,'m gonna totally 180 well not totally 180 i had that strong position of like i will not watch the new lord of the rings show because they only purchased the rights to the lord of the rings story they didn't even buy rights to like the old ages so they're not gonna follow like the silmarillion and they're just gonna be like making shit up from whole cloth yeah and that that really turns me off i didn't like that and so i was like i'm not fucking watching this i saw a trailer for it on uh twitter and okay it kind of it looked kind of cool i'm not actually i didn't see this trailer but i'm excited that it got you like that if If you're like, okay. Trailers had bamboozled everyone.

You never know, but I watched it, and the way they portrayed Rivendell fucking to a T. To a T. I was like, I like that. I like that. Respecting Rivendell. I'm not looking forward to the whole cloth made up stuff, but I'll give it a go. I hope it's good.

I really want a Lord of the Rings show that I love. That would i'm a huge halo fan and i like yeah i watched the tv show and there were things where i was like whoa that was really fucking cool and then there was lots of things where i was like that was like the dumbest shittiest thing you could have possibly done and you just did it confidently too from from what i saw like when it first came out or i think kyle watched an episode or two and was like it's actually pretty good and then i saw the the entire internet sour on it at least like i saw the halo infinite or whatever the fucking not the infinite halo the tv show whatever trending and i clicked and it was all people like that's not what master chief would do or and i don't fucking know what Master Chief would do. Yeah, I watched the first two episodes,

and I was into it, because I liked the gore and the violence. I liked that they were like, there were some annoying fucking kids, and they immediately murdered them, like, violently. Loved it. Yeah, they made the weapons look cooler than the game. And then they had that little fight scene

and everything at the compound, and I was was like all right you got me i like the sound effects i like i like how op the spartans seem to be some of this is a little wonky if it's not perfect but okay and then the second episode but but by the third or fourth and then is he's naked and his helmet's always off and oh he like and i said that too i was like oh i bet you he's gonna have his helmet off halfway through the season. First episode, helmet's off. I'm like, okay, whatever. And then I was like, this means like he's not going to be in the suit, is he?

We're going to have like full things. And then you get like a full fight scene where he's like in his pajamas. And I was like, that's why you wear the suit all the time, idiot. Like, don't you hate it when you play a game and you kick ass the entire time then the character you've been playing as the whole time it's a cut scene so you're like okay you're watching and he gets like captured in the dumbest fucking way and you get this feeling like bro i was killing it why did you take control away from me yeah i would have never been caught

like that i'd have gunned him down as soon as i came in oh yeah it'll be like yeah i'm like bro put on your robot suit like literally put it on everyone you're talking to is wearing their robot suits you know they're mad at you there were missions in like i didn't think like borderlands 2 they had missions like that where you'd have your guy just loaded to the gills with every powerful gun and then there'd be a cut scene where he'd be like drinking at a bar like talking to moxie or whoever and it's like oh no he's like just wearing his t-shirt it's about to cut back and make me fight someone with nothing god damn it i don't even have a chest to store this like why would you steal this from i hate you are so right i never realized how much i hated this in games where you play and you build and you construct this character and then out of nowhere there's

a cut scene where all of your shit disappears and some loser who you would have absolutely dominated two seconds ago gets the upper hand on you they did that in skyrim with something where like uh i think you have to sneak into some place or something like that. It's a palace. You want to be a member of the Dark Brotherhood? I'm British now, by the way. You want to be a member of the Dark Brotherhood?

You got to get in there and steal it. The thing about that is, we need you to dress up. You realize that I am the president of Skyrim at this point. Just let me go in there and fucking kill everybody. I got the arch mage robes on. I'm the king of the assassins guild.

I'm already like second in command. Always bothered me too. Is that like, like you fucking you're, you're the dragon born. You literally slayed a dragon. You like turn around and like bump into someone and they're like stop you've broken the law i literally just killed a dragon you know i

could vanquish you they should be like oh sorry oh lord you were wearing the head of an ogre i did not recognize you first i just right here's my money sir i know you play uh i know you like borderlands i actually ended up picking up tiny tina i never fit i played borderlands one two and three and i never finish a borderlands i finished the telltale game one but i always these looter shooters they always lose me at a certain point i'm like fuck off with this one and two were so good what's tarkov how do you play shut the fuck up everybody knows borderlands 3 sucked but borderlands 1 and 2 are fucking solid tiny tina gets a lot of shit and i played it and i happen to really enjoy it and i realized what i liked about it is there's no car segment there's no driving in it you like walk like in an overworld like in a like a tabletop

game kind of and maybe you run into a bad guy and have an encounter but that's what i like about it but it's like it's got this like medieval vibe to it anyways the only reason why i brought it up is because i like defeated this like first boss type thing whatever like the first act one and then they make a statue of your character like in the middle of the city and i was like cool but that's like the least that you can do that any game could have done is that people need to suck my dick like no joke i need to like when i'm in skyrim and i'm the dragonborn or if it's oblivion and i did all this shit i want to come back to town and i want girls and men and elves and orcs to be begging me to suck my cock because of how powerful and cool i am and it should be like hold A to moan. Or maybe they're scared.

You guys are. And what sucks, with Skyrim and Borderlands, it's both like that, where you walk into the city in Skyrim and some random person will be like, we're lucky you were here when the dragon showed up. Thank God. And then you walk a little further. And what always happened to me

is that my companion would like bump into a guard over and over and get stuck. And then the companion pisses the guard off. And now that same guard who just thanked you is like, stop in the name of Riften.

And it's like, fuck you, man. I had to restart a game of Skyrim in 2011 because I got to Riften, and I discovered this is still a glitch. Obviously, they haven't updated it. This happened to me extremely three months ago when I played Skyrim again out of nowhere.

But if you have a companion, when you go into Riften the first time and you do that mission where the guy's like, I need you to go over to that lizard man's fucking little kiosk and steal his ring and when you crouch your companion doesn't always crouch because sometimes they get stuck on stuff and so what happened is like i went and i like crouched to like start robbing but because the guards could see my retard lydia like up against the bowel grip for whatever the fuck's kiosk i kept going down and being, why the fuck is the eye still open?

I cheated in the first two minutes and stabbed the first guy in the back in that cave myself. The eyes a hundred. There's no excuse for them to not do this. And then I found out that like the reason I could not get that mission going was that they would kill Lydia almost all the way. And then she would stand back up after all the rift and guards had left and they'd go there she is and then they'd run over and like attack us again and so i i had to i had to murder my own companion i had to kill lydia in broad daylight and you can just kill your

companion on the street they don't care yeah they don't care and so i'm i murdered lydia stole all the stuff back and then your character that could be well within the lore you could do a thing in the game where you could sacrifice your companion to some deity some uh somebody doesn't talk about like you can put them on this thing and then they get sucked their soul gets sucked out put lydia on there every time yeah throw lydia on there lydia sucks and she she's actively unhelpful when you're trying like because i was playing us i never really went the stealth archer route and so like a few months ago when i did this i did that sorry to interrupt my favorite thing that's what's so funny is that i always try and make a new character and i'm always end up being a fucking stealth bow i hate it well because i i do also love making a mage but

like in skyrim just being a mage didn't you could do it's better than living with two hands but it just wasn't that's not who you want to be in in skyrim you don't want to be a mage really oh yeah um but like uh i always end up being sneak ends up being the fucking thing every time sneak. I think the first time I played through it, I wanted something simple and I didn't realize that like going more complex would make the game easier. And so I'm like, I'm just going to do an orc with a double handed weapon that just fucks people up in high armor. And like by the end of the game, you're it is so fucking hard because it's not a good build like apparently the two-handed is fucking garbage you can't block that well you're slow and so you can either one hit ko someone or miss and then they just like stab you in the head

with the needle a few times no fun so i never did that again i mage was the most fun i liked going all the way through the college of winterfell and becoming the lord of all mages and then i would go join the assassins guild after i learned mass paralyze where you could like go and then paralyze everyone around you and then they send you to kill the queen and you like at their wedding and you just walk into the middle of it in your nice ass robes and nobody's upset. And then you start casting your shit and nobody minds while you're casting. You can stand there with orbs of power, like, and they're like saying I do.

And then you slam it down. Everyone's paralyzed. And then you can pretend you're like a devious assassin who walks over slowly and pulls out your knife and kills them. The razor of a, was it Majulis's razor? Whatever that one is that, that cool knife. know i i've always preferred oblivion i've never i love skyrim i think skyrim's great but the feeling of when like the daedric portals would open up randomly and like enemies

like literally out of hell would come running out. And like, that's cool. You'd be in the middle of the field doing some shit. You're like literally picking fucking nerd route or whatever. And then like the music kicks in and portals open up and the fucking scary day drink dudes come out. And now you're having this like crazy battle. I love that element.

You know, they added so many improvements to Skyrim. I tried to play. What was that? Skyrim together. The mod that lets you. Oh, so many improvements to sky i tried to play what was that skyrim together the mod that lets oh i've heard about that i've heard about that i always thought it was like co-op but someone told me recently you can get like a whole band of wizards together and go stomp that game out and they just they just scale the difficulty by yeah i guess they're in there oblivion i never got to to play because I tried to play through it three times and on three different occasions,

I got glitched the fuck out. I couldn't complete the game. That's literally, that's part of the experience. It's part of the challenge, yeah. Yeah, it's absolutely part of it. That happened in Skyrim too, where you just like, like there were times where you'd be like,

all right, I just killed the dragon at Helgen. Time to go talk to Balgruuf. And then you'd walk up to him and be like, what are you doing here? There's a dragon to be slain. And you're like, no, here's the scales. I'll drop them in front of you. And he's like, what are you doing here?

My kingdom needs protection. And then it's like, fuck, fuck! And then you try that a couple other times. And then one character I was like, fuck this. It'll fix itself. And so I did a ton of side missions and then eventually came back like level 52. And once again, Balgrif shot me down. And so I had to quit because the normal storyline was done.

Balgrif could not accept that I had killed the dragon. His arrogance. I play on PC where the modders have patched in and fixed most of those bugs. Yeah. Thankfully. But then the game fucking crashes if i have some mods so like you know it's just an unstable mess but that's just bethesda i guess i did like uh when i was um playing oblivion i my favorite to play in oblivion actually was a mage um

and the uh when you become a vampire in a oblivion, it's cool because during the day, you're losing 3 HP a second because of the sun. And you can't get any missions because you're a vampire and people are terrified of you when they see you. But there was a DLC for the Mage's Tower, and you could make your own spell in the magus tower and you can like really break it so i had this spell and because all i was a high elf and all my powers were in like intelligence and like whatever like like mana like i would cast

this one spell and it would take like half my mana which would recharge really quickly but it lasted like 10 minutes and it was it was like plus 5 hp a second um movement speed plus 100 stealth plus 100 it was charisma plus 250 so it like bypassed how the the yeah the detriment of being a vampire. And so I'd like cast it every day and like run so fast and jump so high because it boosted your acrobat. Like you could put all the spells in one spell. You can make like a super spell. And so like I was this vampire that would like run super speed and like jump over full cities yep and like land there and like people were like more than happy to give me like missions

and stuff because they just didn't know that i was a vampire you were just a guy with hops it was like your assassin thing where you like felt like a badass assassin even though it just means that there's like 50 bodies glitching on the floor like rolling around like and there's like that bumping noise like that but like in your head it's badass you know like in my head i was like oh you dumb bitch i'm a fucking vampire but like half the fun was in my head you know oh well that's like when i casted mass paralysis and then sometimes you would cast at that wedding. Kyle, you know, we were talking about Assassin's Guild Skyrim.

You get assigned to the wedding. You stand in the middle. You do mass paralysis. Everyone at the wedding except for the two back guards is paralyzed, but it doesn't matter. And then you cast Firestorm, which is like the area of effect, like biggest fire one. And it kills everyone, including the two guards who try and run and get you if you cast it fast enough. And then you feel cool while you're leaving. And as I would leave, I would switch my because I liked to feel like I was escaping the place. I would switch my left hand to regular paralyzed and like my right hand like firebolt.

And then just like as you're walking out, you hear like the someone's attack the queen. All right. And like everyone's running and they're just telling you to stop. And you're just fucking paralyzing, paralyzed, paralyzed. And as you like slowly escape, it was it's fun. And you're right. It's all in your head. It's all in your head. I played this.

I played this modded version where it tried to make everything and every perk tree kind of balanced and like useful. And one of the things they added in was if you're using like a heavy shield, there's a certain perk you can get later on where when you shield bash you will basically ragdoll anything from a giant down so my whole build was just i'm wearing heavy armor i got shield bash and that's it i just have like the shield that does the most damage and i'm just ragdolling like that's sick honestly something like that would change my entire build if i'm like yo the shield just shield bashing everyone ragdoll is too much for ragdoll is so i would walk into my house and white run and lydia will be there eating like a fucking you know sweet roll she'd be like whatever you want my thing and i just bash her against whatever you want my thing yeah what i

want to do is to destroy something beautiful i would walk in you know i'm gonna murder you lydia and i'm gonna get away with it because i'm a friend of winterfell i'd knock her against the wall go up go up and get some stuff out of my chest and then and so i go back down she'd be like i'm sworn to carry your burdens i do not like her sass because she's the first companion and when you would talk to her she'd be like i am sworn to carry your burdens very sassy and then like there was like one monk or like not money some flagellant feeling guy from like almost a warhammer feeling guy that you get later in the game and he like is blowing you when you give him stuff he's like whatever my lord needs he's like dobby and that is the that's the guy i need because he's helpful and i also don't respect him so i can kill him yeah you're definitely still shield bashing him though yes that's the thing is no matter how you behave everyone's getting a fucking well no that's

what i'm saying if you had sometimes you have those companions and they get in your fucking way and you get stuck so i would just give them a quick little bonk knock them like i love ragdoll physics or like just so enjoyable there was this game on xbox original xbox ps2 also i think i don't know if you guys remembered or if you played it, but it was fucking sick. It was called PsyOps Mindgate Conspiracy. And you were like this dude that got locked up and they did testing on. And then they

introduce you to your new powers one by one. But you get like... It was just like a sandbox fun game. You had the power to light people on fire or lift them up. And then they're all like rag dolly, like gravity gun style and like throw them around. Or you can like mind control one of the guys and blast all your friends and then like jump off a cliff.

It was just like you were given like these really cool uh psychic powers and stuff and you just ran around with like a gun and fucking threw guys around lit them on fire mind controlled them and shit and it was just like on xbox and it really like never got a sequel or anything the uh there's two games that i'm psyched for that sounds awesome man there's um um son of the four is it sons of the forest i think uh it's a sequel to the forest i don't know if you've played that but that's fucking wacky and all and the the the trailers for the sequel look so much better and uh and that dark tide got game that warhammer uh four-player co-op like yeah i love that i'm super psyched for that i me and my friends grinded so much of the uh the

vermentide game that's very similar. So I'm really down to play it again. Do you like those Warhammer little miniature figures from the tabletop game? Oh, so like... I don't even know how you play it. My interest with Warhammer started with playing World of Warhammer 2, the RTS, and getting into the YouTube videos for it and stuff and playing a lot online trying to be competitive at it but failing um and i like and then i slowly got into the lore a little bit but not with the fantasy stuff with the 40k stuff and now i'm like i

wouldn't say i know a lot but like i know the whole story and i know how horrifically crazy it is but i'm not into any of the like the figures or the tabletop stuff but i did watch a youtube video where a guy has like the biggest like blood army or something angels probably probably blood angel space marines they're like it's just all like a whole red army and there's like he has like this gigantic one and like they're all like somewhat proportional to the sizes and so he's got these tanks that are huge yeah and like he paints them all and they all look fucking crazy and i he's just like it was like a long ass videos

he's showing me each thing he's saying things i don't know what the fuck he's talking about but i'm looking at this little figure i'm like that's so crazy it's like the army that he has like if you filled up my room behind me i don't have enough room here yeah like if i lay them all on the floor it was huge with any kind of like um property like i like stuff that has a lot of lore to sink your you sink your teeth into and be like oh him oh yeah he's the great grandson of mogulok he is the defier of evil from from the tales of old you know i like shit like that so when you start listening to these warhammer youtubers go on and on about like tens of thousands of years of like ass kickery it's pretty cool ass kickery that thing like painted like that is like 60 bucks you know like, if these figurines on like the board,

if that's similar at all in like a strategy game to like magic, the gathering, I bet I would love it. Like it, it does. It seems like really fucking obnoxious to get into because we're magic. You have cards or you just play arena online. And with this,

you have to like paint shit and, and be into art. I guess a lot of these, like my buddy started up a D&D thing. He got so fucking into it that he was painting the figurine like the little tabletop miniatures. He had a projector rigged up to act as the map.

That's cool. Have you guys ever played D&D? I have. I can get pretty into it, but at the same time I feel like it's more fun when you're the DM, like you're making it, you know? Oh, that's just good for people that like to play the game

if that's how you feel. I feel like I could be a DM if someone would need me to be a DM, but like partaking is also a dream. But I played D&D like i played it like five years ago for the first time and i was like man i wish i had nerdy enough friends to want to play this or that this is what they were into because it was so sick and then i ended up looking up this game it's not dnd and it's not even dice based it's card based you have like a deck of cards everyone has a deck of cards and it's but you know i just still modified it to be dice um but they have like these builds

they have these like the skills and stuff are different from dnd and the the the um and i forget what it's called and maybe some people listening might know what I'm talking about. But it's not that mainstream. But it's like an alternate to D&D. And the way it works is like the character build is like you could have one where it's like the character build. If you take the character build, the monk who specializes in combat. And you make him specialize in the sword. and you make him specialize in the sword and you uh for his starting piece you use the sword uh the future laser sword and he has a perk which is a pet perk and the pet perk is it's him but at perfectly half your stats and you can level up your pet or whatever this ends up being a jedi and his padawan

and like that's your character build within the game and then someone else can be like they can specialize in the like firearms perk and they can load out with like an m4 assault rifle and they can like whatever and then someone else could be like uh you know they put their skills into driving and flying and their weapon is a whip basically what i'm saying is like i did dnd and my friends build characters and we ended up being like a jedi his padawan indiana jones and like a guy from seal team six and like they're in like and there's these like uh like kind of quick shot one shot like things for like a one night of playing like a mission and it like this one was definitely like aliens inspired so it was just like indiana jones like a guy from seal team six and a jedi

on like basically like a xenomorph ship with xenomorph issues. And we just rolled dice instead of the cards. And it was fun. There wasn't good visual representations because I don't have pieces or stuff like that. And so the people that I was with, half of them couldn't get behind visualizing where they they were because we were just using pieces like on the table. It was really not strict. It was like imagination based, but it was hard for me to get any of my friends into it. Also, because I was running a bunk ass, not D&D thing.

And like, you know, it was like, but it was just that way. I was like, oh, you know, if they care about their character, maybe they'll be more into it. There was one. I believe that's what it's called actually i think i looked that up too uh looking for dnd miniatures or whatever from my buddy and they had pathfinder miniatures or whatever you could use for dnd but um i played one kind of like that called i think it's called monster of the week it's like more modern it's kind of like buffy or some shit uh which i think we played that me and my buddies played that for about six months i want to say and then gradually those things all fall apart because somebody gets like busy they get like a new work schedule or girlfriend or married or

tetanus or something you know or they get like cooler yeah they get cooler they suddenly become they start wearing dylan bought a pair of sunglasses he won't be joining us this week dylan turns into ryan gosling and drive and he just i've never played dnd i would love to like try it for real i played uh online with an ex of mine and like a group like that it was like an online kind of thing and like we'd sit there on the laptops and play and i only enjoyed i only knew about like the role-playing part they the dm like because i'd never played and didn't really learn he guided me through all the other stuff so i'd like the first the first i didn't know i thought it was more of like an improv thing like that was the main goal not the the missions and so like my first

turn that the guy was like so taylor what does your dragon uh dragon scaled or whatever it's like a dragon man that's like a man dragon i don't remember what's called dragon ogre that's what it's called no it's not something it's a dragon guy oh and real quick if the game that i was talking was called savage worlds savage yeah i'm gonna write that down actually so uh i basically you know he's like what do you want to do and we were in this little city he described like a little dirt city and i was like i'm this big warrior guy like i'm gonna loot and so i was like are there any buildings near me and he's like yes there's some like very low quality tin roof shacks there might not be anything valuable in there and i was like well we don't know unless we try so i was like i choose

to break into the house and he's like okay roll for it and he's like it's a very weak door you break into the home there's a woman screaming in the room and And what do you say? And I'm like, I say, I'm here to rob you. She continues to scream. And then what do you do? There are people being alerted outside. Can I threaten her? He's like, yeah, I guess you could. I'm like, okay, could I kill her?

And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, okay, move to kill. And so I killed her and her son. And then I was like, loot the available baskets. And he's like, you find a bit of twine and a small piece of metal you don't recognize, but it can't possibly be important. And I was like, okay, keep the twine. Keep all of it, I guess. And then the people in my group who had been playing were like,

Jesus Christ. And I was like, I thought this was looting. You said I was in a small area. I heard the... You didn't say there was a temple. A motel where that poor woman lived. If he would have said there's a temple near you, I would have looted the temple.

He said we were in a small town. It's the beginning of a game. What do you do at every beginning of every game when it's like an RPG? You loot. You murder a woman in your shell. So I don't think that was... I kill everyone in Skyrim.

You go the wrong way and make sure you can't go that way and make sure there's no secret. Then you begin the game. That's true. Yeah, I always go the wrong way. The first thing you do is turn around and see if there's a secret there. See if there's something in that chest back there

in the bushes, maybe. I'm surprised the people with you weren't like, don't. Well, they were trying to. Your friends all beg you to stop as the blood sprays against the wall. Yeah, I'm going to continue reading. I left the group. The group was there. And I said, I'll meet up with you later

they were all moving towards the objective and I was like I'm gonna loot while you guys are doing that and I stopped a potato and two coins or something in my heart of hearts I thought I was like being helpful by like you know you guys all do this

I'm gonna see if there's any goodies around here who knows you did the right thing in your heart by like, you know, you guys all do this. I'm going to see if there's any goodies around here. Who knows? You did the right thing in your heart, which you thought was right. I thought that exploring that they would be like, oh, this guy's like exploring. He's trying to find items. But it turns out they thought it was like murderous. Did you guys ever hear that? Like that badass Star Wars tabletop story?

That guy tells that sick ass story. I might butcher it a little bit and I'll actually, I'll try and keep it super quick, but basically this like super D and D nerdy guys saying that he was putting on a Star Wars tabletop game when Star Wars, like episode one or two or three was coming out. And so they were holding it at this like planet Hollywood or whatever. So it's like, you get to try a 30,

a 30 minute like rundown or it's a one hour thing it's a one hour thing or uh whatever and you'll be able to do this little demo of a mission real fast like you know one hour it's two hours max and uh yeah it's at planet hollywood and it's unreleased yet so you get to sample it first and um you know it's set up and he said this old couple comes in and they're like oh yeah we want to planet Hollywood he's like oh you can't we're running an event here and they're like oh what kind of event is it and he's uh he's like oh it's like a Star Wars tabletop game you got to play this game you know if you if you do it and they were like yeah we could play a game we love a good game don't we they're like yeah let's go let's go play the game so he sits down and he pairs them with like two teenage boys that are just excited to like, you know, try this Star Wars thing, this tabletop game.

And they get there and he's like, yeah, so here's how it works. He explains the rules. It's like D&D. And this guy's like, oh, what's this? And he's like a thermal detonator. And the guy's like, oh, it's like a grenade, basically. It's like a thermal detonator and the guy's like oh it's like a grenade basically it's like a space grenade and he's like and you're the rebels and you're fighting against the empire and the empire is like they're they're trying to like uh you know and the guy's like space nazis

and he's like yeah space nazis yeah he's like get it and um and he's like what are these stim packs and they're like oh that's to heal if there's any injuries he's like oh okay okay and then he said that that's when his wife looked at him and he's like oh okay okay and then he said that that's when his wife looked at him and she's like so what would you have us do lieutenant and that's when this guy was like now i get the feeling that that's just not like a cutesy couple word like this guy is like this guy's like 70 but he was probably some sort of lieutenant or whatever um and he goes okay well he's like here's the hoth wars yeah he's like right off the bat he's like okay here's what we'll do he's like uh you he's like uh boys he's like if you'll take

your stim packs and hand them over to my wife she will be our medic she's gonna hang back you boys take the guns go up front he's like and and what's this this web shooter the guy's like oh that's like a turret and he's like okay boys if you'll both pick up the turret and put it onto this cart here i believe we could be able to push the cart and have kind of like a mobile attack unit and the kids are like yeah let's do this like they do that everyone's rolling they happen to be getting good rolls also they're moving through when someone's injured the wife heals them they have this turret he's pushing them the kids are like blasting they're just happy to be rolling and getting kills. They're hyped up.

And he's like, good shooting boys. At one point they get to the end and he's like, oh, he's like, if we take our thermal detonators and rig them on top of the the door here, when the stormtroopers come through, you boys are going to shoot the thermal detonators and trigger an explosion. The guy was like, anyways, this was supposed to take like an hour to two hours. The lieutenant took these boys and his wife through it in like 12 minutes. And he was like, what now? And the guy was like, that's all we have for you. You destroyed it. And he's like, well, that was a good.

I'm sure the boys down at the bar would have a good laugh with this game. We'll take a copy of it. And he like bought a copy of it and walked out i'm like that guy's like a tabletop fan now because he came in with like real big brain military creativity strategies and problem solving and he was like a leader and i just love that they destroyed this this like one to two hour mission in 12 you know to anyone listening this right now i know it's too late to say this now but if you go back seven minutes instead of me babbling on about it just look up the video on youtube of the guy doing it because he he does good impressions

of the people playing and everything um i can see that being a bunch of fun if that's sick if there's like a ton of fun you have like a like're a kid. You just want to roll for the attack and stuff like that. Grab the gun. You have a good team leader, especially in the military context of a Star Wars scenario. It's like shooting. There's not maybe an arrow or something here and there

in D&D, but yeah. And it was just cool that he learned what a Stimpak was, what a thermal detonator was, and then used it to their advantage. Anyways, what am I rambling on about? This is boring. Let's talk about Tarkov. What an alpha. Let's talk about Tarkov.

No! Back to Star Wars tabletop, please! Star Wars. I've never been huge on Star Wars, but the games, any kind of tabletop or the video games like that, is fucking super interesting to me i don't know how come you like star wars when you're 33 years old that's like the perfect age to to think episode three is like one of the best movies ever yeah i don't dislike i actually don't i don't hate them i don't really dislike them it's just

they don't really do it for me like I don't like them. I genuinely dislike most of them. What don't you like about them? I think they're too childish. I also don't like Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh, I love Pirates of the Caribbean. They're kids movies. I'm just not into it. I mean, I haven't seen them since I was in middle school and high school. I watched them two years ago. Pirates of the Caribbean,

the first one, I think, is sick because Jack Sparrow's fucking sick yeah he literally carries this movie he's so fucking good you know the two comedic relief pirates the two goofy ones yeah there's a scene in the first one where like one of them gets hit in the head with a frying pan and they make that cartoon frying pan noise sound effect and when that happens i was like bullshit i don't watch this shit it was this fucking cartoon ass movie like like if i want some slapstick i'll go watch leslie nielsen do

it for real this is and i and like look i like johnny depp but i don't care about orlando bloom or no you're not wrong you're not wrong i didn't like orlando bloom in the movie didn't care for it um i mean pirates of the i like the captain yeah who was the who was the guy the the captain who played the the squid man he was like a big actor but in the squid face he did a good job i don't know i know i know after bardem no wasn't he in one of them i don't think keith richards was he was javier bardem jack he wasn't in one of those movies? I didn't think so. No, it's the guy that kind of looks like him. I know what you're talking about. Oh, the guy that looks like him.

There's like two in my head that look like him. Oh, William Tripp, didn't you have a hoarding thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll talk about that right when I find out who the fuck this is because it's going to distract me the whole time. Five to the Caribbean. It's not Johnny Depp. All right, one down. No because it's going to distract me the whole time. Pirate to the Caribbean. It's not Johnny Depp. All right, one down.

Keira Knightley. It's not her. It's the guy. He's a big actor. Wait, Jeffrey Rush? Ian McShane. That's it. He's the guy from that cowboy show. Wait, Javier Bardem's also in one.

Is he in one? I didn't know that. Really? Maybe he's wearing a lot of makeup. In the fifth Pirates installment. I haven't seen that one. I saw that Disney, now that Johnny Depp was found, I don't know. Not guilty. It seems like everybody seems to think that he didn't do anything wrong.

I saw Disney offered him some sort of pirate's possible job, and he doesn't want it. I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah, me too. Can I tell you guys something really crazy? Go for it. And you might think I'm crazy for this, or you already do.

I had a meeting. I got an email once from Johnny Depp's sister back when I was a big deal on YouTube, you know? I got an email from Johnny Depp's sister being like, oh, I work with Johnny Depp. He has like a production company. And anyways, he loves your show. And Johnny doesn't do meetings, but I do. I would love to meet you if that's good.

So I made a plan to a date to go meet her in actually Johnny's office, like in his little office building. And so I go to the office building and I get there and it's just her. This is where I'm going to sound crazy. It's just her. I'm like, hey, what's up? How you doing? And there's junk everywhere, like memorabilia. There's like a toilet seat signed by Sean connery hung up there's a million weird

things there's like jack sparrow shit there's fucking a full edward scissorhands like costume thing there there's like tons of shit and cool things and things to look at and paraphernalia that he kept awards whatever trophy there's a ton of things there's like a crazy ass weird mirror um she's like yeah come check out johnny's office people love it it's so cool so we go in johnny's office and it is really fucking cool and there's like it's like a fucking office and it's wooden it looks like from a movie set library it's so crazy and she's like come this way and then like we push through a fake bookcase and end up in this like big ass cool room it's like this is like his like study hidden in his office and there's like a crazy ass mirror there whatever and i just kind of like i'm looking at everything and it's kind of like quiet

it's weird i have a weird feeling i've had a weird feeling the whole time i've been in here it's just been weird so i'm watching you from i'm through like a painting with with eyes cut out i'm getting a weird feeling just you telling the story yes but johnny's there it's spoiler alert that's exactly what i felt i didn't realize that yet though johnny depp is watching me i'm sort of powerful presence i feel like i'm being watched we're looking at a thing i'm like this is fucking cool whatever this is chill and there's like a mirror there again and like so then we go out of another secret door and we end back up in the same hall now we're back where we started but we did a loop okay so like there's no like corner to this building like it goes around and then we're sitting there talking.

And this is the craziest thing is we're sitting there talking and there's like a wall behind me, like a corner and it goes like that, a wall and there's mirrors everywhere. And in this mirror, while she's talking behind her in this mirror, it's reflecting to a mirror over there, which is reflecting to a mirror over there.

So I'm not turning around and looking here, but I'm looking here through all the mirrors, and someone is sitting there against the wall. They're like, this is a wall here, and it turns. Someone is sitting there behind us, and they're facing that way. And I can kind of see the figure. They're sitting there. It's's a man and he's sitting there and he's got like a jacket on and he's got sunglasses on and he's looking forward not at us

and my my brother who was my business partner he doesn't see him we're not supposed to know he's there he's over there sitting there as if he was two steps ahead of us or behind us as we got the tour of his place watching through the mirrors in every single room and then sat down in the back and like listened because like how useful would the meeting be if johnny depp is taking you around this place you would just be like yeah you know i'm retarded now like you would be like you wouldn't be able to focus and he probably knows that through experience so i think he was was that lady really that fat and gilbert i'm pretty sure he was watching us the entire time and we did take the meeting with johnny depp well he took it with us we didn't take it with him yeah but he had a meeting with us we didn't

have one with him no that was very magnanimous of you to offer your time to Johnny like that. Yeah. Kindness, really. Yeah. So you think he was just sitting there creeping, trying to hear little bits and pieces to get a feel of who you were? No, I think he heard everything.

He was in one room behind us every time. I picture him sitting there like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget, just petting a cat, you know, like watching Harley walk around. He's like over there, and his back would be to us. But it's like a wall. He's like right around the wall, like right around the corner, kind of like in a video game when you go up to the wall.

But he's sitting in a chair there, and he's just like sitting, not moving. He was so still. I was staring in the mirror, and I thought it was like a mannequin or something for a second. Oh, my God. It moved a little bit. Maybe it was. Maybe you saw something, a prop from one of his movies. Oh, and there's the figure from –

There's my brother over there. He doesn't move much anymore. No, that's really cool. But I left, and I said to my brother, I was like, yo, did you – and he's like, did I think that Johnny Depp was watching us the whole time yes okay i was like did you see the guy at the end he's like no what guy and i was like when we left there was a guy sitting there he never came and introduced himself and it was the only other person in the building anyways yeah i watched i had never seen that movie donnie brasco that has johnny de until last night. That's a great one.

Al Pacino. That's a good one this week. That's a good one this week. You would enjoy that this week. You watched it last night. Last night I watched it, yep. Oh, sick. I liked it. Donnie Brasco.

Never seen it before. It was. Fucking Johnny Depp, eh? That trial and shit. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. Man, just boys can't stop winning. We are just batting a fucking thousand. Dude, we won woman

of the year this year. Again? We're like two out of the last five, man. Right? Ladies, you're going to step up your game. Speaking of that, speaking of ladies taking losses, I want to poll you guys on what I should do here in regards to my mother's hoarding. Because we have a new chapter.

And I don't really know how to deal with it. I really don't. Wait, can you catch me up on the previous chapters? Yeah, yeah. So basically, my mom, she grew up poor. So she doesn't hoard stuff it's mostly food um she jarred the worst thing to hoard the worst thing to hoard she she jars she's she's begun jarring canning things vegetables meats deli meats gravy, things that no one

should really... Yeah, there we go. Those are her jars. Those are her jars. I walked in one day to visit her, and there was just this awful smell, and I looked to my left, and it's like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house with those fucking jars, and I'm like, is this like a home security system? What is this?

Because I'm about to fucking leave. I mean... Yeah, that is upsetting. It's upsetting, but I went over there. I think it was like a home security system what is this yeah because i'm about to fucking leave i mean you know yeah that is upsetting it's upsetting but i went over there i think it was uh two two three weeks ago um you know just to visit and i walk in and i think zach should have the picture here yeah and i'm like mom what the hell is going on over here? Take me through everything. What's on the floor? Okay.

Powdered potatoes, I see. No, Algraten potatoes. She starts bragging. Thankfully, she'll tell me what she's doing. So I'm like, Mom, what is all this sauce on the floor? What is this? And she's like, I went to Dollar General, and they were having a sauce sale, and I just got all the sauce I could. And I'm like, why? The number one thing that can lead to food hoarding, from what I've heard, is buying too much.

Yeah. Well, it's not just buying. There's another part. That's part one. This is where it gets really disturbing. No, because overbuying is a real thing, especially with groceries. I'm sure. People who

don't have an issue, overbuying is a big fuck up. She overbuys so much. She overbuys so much. Okay, you see that box, right? You see that cardboard box? Yeah. You'll never guess what the fuck's inside it. Is it those meat jars? is it the rotten meat jars

no no is it a loved one's ash is it a loved one's one's ash is it it's food 75 copies of man on fire we were that could be food you fucking tricked us you tricked us there because i said you'll never guess what it is and i would have guessed food uh yeah well it is a food um it is and i'm not i'm not shitting you uh because i looked and she told me it's a it's a trash bag of rogue macaroni it's like it's like five pounds oh it is rogue macaroni like they escaped from the factory rogue no that box was like in an elementary school, a cafeteria. Something like that. Here's the issue I'm having.

Like, okay, she's hoarding food. That's always been a thing. But now she's lying about it. Because she claims, I'm like, where did you get five pounds of Rogue macaroni? And she's like, they were giving it away at this new steakhouse that opened up.

What? No, they weren't. Up the road. I'm like, were they? I'm like, they're giving you macaroni. And she's like, yeah, they couldn't use it, so they gave it to me. And then I'm like, where did you get all this stuff on the table here? And she's like, well, I got that at the food drive.

I'm like, you didn't do it. No, that's not a thing. No, there's no. Thank you. This is trash. This is garbage. This is. Yeah.

So she I started putting two and two together. She talked about how my aunt and her son, my cousin came over and my aunt is somehow even worse than my mom. And I put two and two together. And I'm like, my aunt came over. Gave this stuff to my mother. And my aunt is a known motherfucking dumpster diver.

I've seen her pull chocolate milk out of the dumpster. Where do you live? North Carolina. North Carolina. North Carolina. So my aunt brought my mom a, and my mom will never throw it away. She's going to pass away. I'm going to go to her house,

go to the basement and get assaulted by meat jars. And just macaroni will pour out of crevices. Have you ever told her that? Have you ever been like, mom, just so you know, when you go, I've told her, I'm like, Mom.

I'm going to throw away every fucking Rice Krispie. And is this new? Is that an oatmeal cream pie cereal? That's actually pretty enthralling. That's enthralling. I didn't know that existed. Bro, this makes it all worth it. That sounds kind of good. I actually, now that I've seen this, it wasn't a total loss.

That's crazy. The oatmeal cream pie cereal? But God knows how expired it is. I don't know where she got it. Oh, that doesn't go bad. That's bad right from the beginning. She has so much food. How long is she expecting to live?

Like to 130? How long has she been doing this? She's been doing this, I think since I moved out. Actually, before that, I'd say it's one of those things that's gradually come on. Oh, there's some more cereal over there, huh? Yeah, there's, I don't know what sweetos are. I think it's Cheetos that are sweet or something.

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds cool. Oh, it is. I see Tony. I see the fucking Cheeto. Chester, yeah. Yeah. Alright, gentlemen at the Frito-Lays corporate table. Our problem is our chips. They're too healthy. We're losing the public. What do we do?

How about we dust them in sugar? Brilliant, John. Brilliant. Those fat idiots will eat anything. Hey, he's talking about your fans. I am. He's talking about the audience here. My question is, this is getting worse.

My aunt is getting worse. My aunt's enabling my mother. Should I just go? I'm seriously going to poll you guys. I'm going to come back and read the comments, too, on the YouTube video and stuff. Should I just go over there one day when she's not home and throw this shit away? No. So that'll fuck with her mentally because it's a mental thing like if okay because like most hoarders they don't actually have like

a strict accounting of all their shit so if you go over there and you see like two jars of rancid meat sneak those out and that's it throw that shit away just just a little just just ways to like keep it from becoming unlivable chip away away at it. Chip away at it. I'm breaking out of prison. I'm taking more brick out of the tomb. Fire cleanse is all. That's true. I think if my mom were doing this,

I would want to take the Band-Aid approach and try to rip it off. I'd be like, you know what? I can't deal with this anymore. Just so you know, Mom, when you go in there, all of the food is gone there's mom there's no even your good food mom i threw it away for spite i threw all the food away

you don't have any food at all now none she would probably do like a villain thing and like scream at the heavens like guess what mom what were you were you going to eat tonight? Well, I was going to eat the rice! The rice! Nope. There is no rice. It's all gone. Now what are you going to eat? The rotten pig feet! Nope. Those are gone too. I had to marry those.

She doesn't eat this stuff. She doesn't eat it. You've got to go in between the burning the house down and what they do on hoarders which is like create content by going like hey mentally ill person do you are you okay with this can of peaches from 1941 going away and then like they milk for attention this person's problem like there's a middle ground like that but i bet if you walked in and like purged the whole house all it would like do is give her like an excuse

of like all right costco trip he destroyed all of my all my stores i need to replenish my stores and the second you leave you'd come back the next time and it would be restocked with way more expensive costco shit or even more cheap sauce well i guess the answer is just like accepting that part of her part of her is hoarding make it about her health so i like it's really unhealthy to live in this way and i love you and i want you to be around for a long time please like i don't know i don't know i did i approached this like i would if like uh someone had an eating disorder i like just did the the following same steps that you would do then and i I see that it's pretty close right now.

And I'm only saying this because it looks like it looks like I've obviously seen way worse hoarding on TV or whatever. But that is bad hoarding. And it looks like it's bad, but it looks like it's not like it's like it's probably on the I feel like on the the better side of how bad things can get. It's it's not that she's like a messy hoarder. She's not somebody to really like that. A lot of that stuff will get cleaned up and organized. She's like an organized fucking she's making like military. She's stockpiling.

Well, that's the thing. A lot of hoarders aren't organized. Like, it just looks like how your table looked there, where she, like, put all the groceries down there and stuff like that. Yeah. But so I was looking at this, and it said, you can't force someone to change this. Okay.

You can't persuade, trick, or force them to stopping this. Okay. You have to help them to seek treatment okay but wait i did some extra looking okay okay um i looked up north carolina um hoarding rehabilitation and hoarding um uh don't let her insurance find out about this just yet okay uh so delete the vod of this insurance will try to stop providing coverage for liability against fire mold and water damage because of it however hoarding is also now and remember this is everything i'm saying it's not financial advice i'm the fucking bacon guy on YouTube.

I'm just doing some quick searching here. It's compulsive hoarding is now considered a mental disability and is therefore protected under the various disability related laws. So she seeks help and maybe it's considered a disability. Maybe there's a recourse for her to go to a rehabilitation center and it won't be costly because i remember he said that that she wasn't so well money wise uh she's she's actually she pretends that's another thing she pretends to be poor but she's like loaded i don't know so well then you know what then even a better situation to be in looking for treatment and support because that's so serious, right? Like rehab.

But another thing that I found out while doing this is that like food hoarding can be like signs of dementia or dementia patients hoard food. But he says this has been going on since he left the house. Yeah, knock on wood, God forbid like it gets worse yeah yeah my uh uncle's going through that now and it's a little bit and then more and more and more um but uh they seeing and touching items like it could be giving them comfort or whatever so i'm just saying maybe there's something more than hoarding god forbid knock on wood that it's dementia or something but like at least like this looks like uh something where it's like let's get this to the pros right you gotta get it to the professionals because your mom sounds like a sweet lady and she doesn't want you to worry about where the macaroni came from

and shit like that i can't you yeah yeah she's gonna be like don't worry about me the macaroni came from and shit like that. I can't. Yeah. Yeah. She's going to be like, don't worry about me. We're worried about you right now. Let's get you some garbage macaroni. You know, that's where she's at. So you, I feel like. It's still good. Yeah. Yeah.

You got to do that. And also avoid making threats under all circumstances. You don't throw away those pears. I'm going to kill gonna kill you no there was there was one there was one instance it was one of the reasons i moved out so early um like when i started youtube at 19 or 18 18 started getting paid for it around 19 and i had moved out by like 2021 i could have saved my money i could have stayed home and saved my money or whatever but i moved out as soon as possible because I remember getting my first fucking YouTube paycheck.

And I never really had money before. I just worked a shitty mall job before this. So I go to the fucking grocery store and I get those little dollar Michelinas dinners because I'm like fucking high roller. I fucking love those though. I love them too. The chicken Alfredo. I was going to say that. Chicken Alfredo.

Mac and cheese is pretty good also. They got a weird mac and cheese but it's their mac and cheese. It's like school mac and cheese. It's hard to fuck up mac and cheese. I bought a bunch and I get it home you know and i didn't think like oh shit there's no fucking room in the freezer like this is freezers packed full and this is boy like 10 12 years ago yeah 12 years ago so i i start going through the freezer

i'm like all right i'm gonna just go through and if anything's old i'm just gonna throw it out you know like what it's like time this thing gets cleaned out anyway. I start dumping stuff in the trash, putting my little Michelinas sliding in there, like Tetris-ing it in there. My mom comes home, and she literally does the Macaulay Culkin thing, seeing what I'm doing. She's like, oh, what are you doing?

I'm like, I'm throwing old stuff away. She's like, no, you can't do that. She starts digging through the trash like Oscar like, I'm throwing old stuff away. And she's like, no, you can't do that. And she starts digging through the trash, like Oscar, the grouch pulling this stuff out. And I'm like, mom, there's no room in the freezer.

Like, I can't take this stuff back to the store. What are you going to do? And she's like, I got, I got, I got a handled. And she,

she takes all this garbage. It's like half thawed, you know, takes all this garbage, like 10 year old fucking steak. There was this garbage, like 10-year-old fucking steak that was berries that were frozen like 20 years ago. I'm not kidding, by the way.

She's taking it all out in a big pile and she takes it outside and she pulls up this blanket thing on the porch. I wasn't even paying attention. There's a fucking separate freezer. There's like a hidden freezer. Oh, shit. and she puts this stuff in this

secret like meat cleaver texas chainsaw freezer yeah and i'm like where did this come from what's going on and she's like does she ever want to like refresh it and like go in and throw away the old berries put new berries in or it's just once it's there, it's there? No, always new berries. There's no such thing as old berries. All berries are new berries. Eventually, it's just frozen wine, I imagine, at a certain point. But, uh, there was, like, she made

some progress. She cleaned out the cupboard one time because I found macaroni and cheese that, like, expired at the turn of the fucking millennium you know like literally like i found that i found a ham that could vote 20 year old ham like it was just it was it was it got so bad i'm like mom this is disgusting nobody's gonna want to come over here i can't have my girlfriend i used to have my girlfriend over to her house when she would cook. And I'd be like, whatever she cooks and offers you, run it by me first.

Wow. You will get diarrhea. I've had so many Thanksgivings where I'm in the fucking toilet, you know, just diarrhea-ing from the fucking 20-year-old gravy she served because I didn't check it. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. And, like, you know, the Andy Griffith theme's playing through the fucking house so i'm hearing like the whistling as i'm watching the gravy was made yeah pretty much you know aunt b probably fucking made the goddamn

and uh she'd do this thing she'd like so she'd put out like she'd make a salad you know she put out the salad dressings and i'm like well the salad can't be old it'd be yeah you know so that's good but i'm like looking i'm like looking at all the fucking i'm like looking at all the all the fucking salad dressings and i'm like the salad can't be old so that's your that's your anchor point for dinner that's my anchor point i'm like the chicken she cooked if that was old it would smell really bad you know so i'm like fresh chicken fresh salad that's good but i'm like i checked all the dressings every one of them expired like four or five years ago and i'm like i'm like just i'm like just don't eat the salad just don't well that's that's another thing that i read here it said safety make sure they're

safe also so if there is a dangerous food like taylor said sneak those ones out those meats are take those out yeah if it's gonna meats are very dangerous get those growing botulism in those jars yeah it's biological warfare she put those in the basement here's the thing that she put those in the basement and that motherfucker's gonna lock on it i'm about to bust the lock oh maybe you're gonna have to that's just a murder jar lock i could pick the lock i could if i bust the lock she's gonna dude i'll tell you what if you want to live stream that that i would fucking die for it's it's it's it's someone like how else someone else holds the camera and you like break that lock off and you go down into the meat cellar.

Like I've sent mom on a vacation to the Caribbean. I've sent her on a vacation to an Osco distribution center. Where she can see all the pounds of food. She's going to the dented can museum. She's taking pictures. No, I just sent her to Sam's club. You know, she's like, oh, like $60 bag of Lucky Charms. That's bigger than of you. No, I just sent her to Sam's Club. She's like, oh, $60 bag of Lucky Charms. That's bigger than I am. Okay.

They sell mayo by the gallon. They sell the whole cow here. I don't know because it's such a mental thing. Could you rationalize it to her if you were having company being like, and this would even be playing into it, but it'd be like, hey, you don't want to waste any of your stockpile. You should go buy fresh stuff for dinner tonight. That's the thing, man.

It just doesn't work. She does this thing. I had to yell at her one time, and I hate I had to do this, but she was like, the best way I can put it is she was harassing my grandmother at a Thanksgiving dinner trying to get her to like, she does this thing where she tries to push food on people. It gets to a point where it's rude. How many times can I say, no, I don't want your old turkey? You know what I mean? I don't want your... Your ancient turkey. Yeah.

I wouldn't say that I get rude, but after a while, I can be very honest and direct in situations like that. I have to tell her, I'm like, mom, grandma does not want to take the stuffing home. Stop trying to force pies on her. She's diabetic. Oh my God. Yeah, stop. She can't have that. You know that. She literally can't have it. She will die. You see those lesions on her feet? That's not from carrots. Jesus Christ.

That's an odd one to deal with. I have never experienced that. That's rough, dude. It's weird. It's so weird, odd one to deal with i i i have never experienced that's rough dude um it's weird yeah it's got it's so weird too like to deal with i guess from your point of view i'm sure it's so it's like a drug addiction you can wrap your head around or i can you know like something like that makes sense to me to some extent you can be like heroin oh you're addicted to heroin well everyone i've heard talk about heroin says it's very easy to get addicted to but it's the same thing with drugs where it's like that person who's on heroin like you can you can push them you can pressure them you can put them in rehab you can do

whatever but until they on their own volition go hey you know what the external pressures of me not doing this that's weaker now it's the internal like this is killing me i hate like that's what has to happen how old uh how old your mother she is 62 i believe yeah my uh my i think my mom's around that age let's see my mom is 59 i think 59 or 59 almost nice my dad is 69 almost i think my dad's 69 we got it but but but but no i've never known anyone who who hoarded i've known people who like kept junk but like not to the point where it was excessive to the point where and even i like like i i just recently moved to a new place here uh i see like four things in my camera that i am hoarding i am currently in the process of hoarding what is like broken hey half-life gravity gun that's cool that's

yeah once it's a pro gun it's kind of cool i like it's broken though yeah the half but it's like close enough that unless you have specific like memory of it, you wouldn't even know what parts broken. Dude, that, that gun, the one you're talking about, that looks like that plasma rifle that Japanese dude did to waste.

Abe, Abe, Abe, something. Abe, Shinzo, Abe, Shinzo,

Abe. Yeah, that was, that looks just like it. You see, do you see that? That like the Japanese prime minister was assassinated by that. Oh, yeah, with that crazy homemade gun.

The guy had like a fucking needler. And he killed him. I found out why the guy did it. So apparently the Japanese Prime Minister was a big supporter of the Japanese Church of Unity. And the assassin's mother had given their entire family fortune to that church a year ago. So much so, they went from wealthy to him having to drop out of school because they couldn't afford to put him in college anymore. It ruins his entire future. So he made that ray gun and took him out.

Seems like his mom's problem, not Shinzo Abe's problem. Well, he believes that Shinzo fooled his his mom uh by by like you know promoting this church and sending her there where she was defrauded they're known for their like pressuring tactics for uh donations and such that was a wild looking gun that they made it was so cool if he hadn't done what he did it would have made a great youtube video he had a future in that like if he would have used his powers for good for good and went and went into that like he should have went to that suicide japan forest and stood there with a gun and be like hey get the hell out of here enjoy your life

if he lived in america he would have been a winner yeah i don't know what he would well yeah he probably or he would have been or he would have been a more dangerous shooter actually I've been asking all of our guests because I think Donald Trump is going to be the next president of the United States and I was curious, who do either of you what's your pick? Who do you think will be the next president of the United States?

I don't think it'll be Trump, I think it'll be someone that does Trump better and smarter than Trump. And that is, and that is, and that is, that is,

that is like, you know, worse or more evil than him or the things that he does. But someday I, I think there are people often imitated, never replicated. Everyone talks about it. Everyone knows you can try.

You can believe me. Many have tried. tried many have failed you'll be the next i just want trump to like fucking light people up again that was the funniest shit about it like it would be like a a genuine politician like lindsey graham being like and what are you gonna do about uh about the price of gas in the southern states? And Trump's like, well, maybe you could get it solved if you spend a little more time looking at the economy, a little less looking at men's lower abdomens. Be like, damn, that's great. I was I took mushrooms with my buddy and we were like watching like WWE like promo cuts from the 90s and it was just so insane and funny on mushrooms and that naturally just ended up turning into us watching like trump speeches

so close in what they were they were like identical he was like cutting promos like against other politicians and cnn and shit yeah it was great oh yeah they'd be like you have no plan for the economy and he'd be like you're short everyone can see it what are you talking about look at him talk to talk to a little guy right here your father ron paul i think he was even smaller than you by the way you can't even give me an opinion on a roller coaster you You can't. He can't, people. He can't. You can't get on him. Maybe a little carousel ride, perhaps.

Me? I'm on the Batman. I'm on the Mr. Freeze. I ride all of them. My heart's more powerful than you could possibly imagine. I love how he's rich as fuck, and he's never wore a fitted suit. His suits are just like... He just buys

them and like he just goes to fucking his own distribution center with it where they make his suits in fucking korea with those slaves and he just like right off the rack yeah he has he has the suits made so they like fit him off the rack because like he's got that nice pear-shaped body the lower half the strongest lower body of any president we've ever had, I think. Who else has that donk? No one. Obama? No other one of them has wore tight white shorts

and bent down, though, so we never really got a good look at their ass. Herbert Hoover probably didn't look so great. Well, I mean, if you exclude... Who was the fat one? Chester A. Arthur And who was Garfield? Was he the guy that got stuck in the bath? Yeah

If you talk about them, fine, they had the biggest ass Listen, regardless I do want to say regardless I don't think Dems will be winning The next election But I don't know if it'll be Trump Being the president I feel like he's,

I have a lot of money bet at this point because everybody keeps taking my action. Um, I bet Trump's going to be the next president. It's people keep just taking the bet and I keep saying, okay. Um, so,

uh, I'm really hoping that he wins at this point. Uh, if I could vote, I would. If like in last election cycle or not two ago, I guess, 2016 in our group like text, Kyle was the only one I recall being like, yeah, he's going to fucking win. And like Chiz being like, no, there's no chance. Would he be like, no, look at the polls in 2016?

And like I was very confident that he would win. And Kyle was right about that. And the eight months ago when kyle was saying he thinks trump is the next guy i was like i don't really know now like i saw and i don't really follow it that closely but i saw polls from like two different months like one two months ago and one now and like that gap between him and desantis is like huge now it was like 40 to 30 and now it's like 60 to 10 like it's not even fucking close the question is who can stand against him someone funny and quick they need someone funny and quick

like that's what you gotta you gotta tell me like like who stands against throw bill burr on the democrat side who rallies up a bigger crowd who who gets more people fired up to donate money who gets more people to actually show up to the polls old white people vote people I do I do like I mean I'm just like I'm just like whoever's president like should be young enough that they

have to live in the world they create for like a couple decades at least yeah we need to start like we just have these guys that come in And they're like the president And they're so fucking old That like it's just not

Like I'm not trusting them enough To care about the State of the world when they leave office You know There needs to be an age fucking limit Yeah it's really crazy What would it be Jesus 70 No 65 65 Yeah, it's really crazy. What would it be? Jesus, 70?

No, 65. 65? 65. I'm being very lenient with 70s because our life expectancy is higher. 65 when they go into office? Trump and Biden are like the oldest people in the conversations now for the running. Yeah, yeah. They're the oldest people.

No, no, no, Bernie. Bernie will be back. Oh, yeah, but Bernie's not going to. Bernie's not running. That guy's 102. He's not going to run. Did he say he wasn't going to run? I just didn't. I didn't think he was. Oh, he'll run.

You think so? Yeah. No, he's going to run, and he's going to go, we cannot allow the establishment of the Democrats to take control of the party any longer. You will donate to my campaign, and this will go to helping the lower and middle class

in places around the United States. And then people will donate to him and two weeks later he'll go, I fibbed to you, I'm sending this money that you sent me to the DNC and it will go to Hillary Clinton's campaign. They fucked him over so hard. Yeah, a couple times they did yeah a couple times they did uh

he had a rough rough go of it i i still say he would have beaten trump i think i think he's 80 he'll be definitely i think he would have also yeah hillary i i would give an ex i would give an exception to him because he didn't act his age like he was he was he's very fired up this is the problem this is the problem this is the problem and this is where like a lot of people would um i mean a lot of people watch this show in the comment section you know refer to me as like painfully liberal um like the thing is like i have like some of these views and i see like things that happen and i see the hills that people choose to die on in these days especially you know like people that i'm an ally to and maybe there's like a point to be made

and then there's these hills that people die on that i'm like i don't know if that's the important issue right now you know like, like for, for this, it could be oversimplifying it all. Like where it's like, yeah, let's, let's discuss abortion or the vaccine. It's like a holdup. He just misgendered me or he used the wrong pronoun.

I'm like, no, no, wait, that's, I'm not trying to take away from the importance of that to you, but let's put that on the back burner right now and let's discuss this stuff and it's like i'm not having a discussion until i'm addressed

with the appropriate pronoun and that's what i'm like setting the whole thing and it's like and it's like good because the right knows how to just up in your whole cart and make it so you can't be part of any kind of discussion now it's's like, all right, well, that's interesting, and I understand your concern, but I'd like to talk about the consumer price index, which impacts the lower and middle class of this country drastically, is that the worst state it's been in the past half century. Like, that's the biggest problem in this country, is that shit's going through the roof with price,

and that average people can't afford, aren't able to afford energy the way they were. Like, food is more expensive. I feel like, and like, listen, it's not like there's a civil war. Like there has been before,

but in my lifetime, in the 36 years that I've been here, I, uh, like I, I can't think of a time when people have been more split. Like people are like, so divided. I know there's always been at the like people are like so divided i know there's

always been at the fight but like is it just me or it's like just because like i'm older i look at things differently now i feel like no you're right no the people i people have i've been saying for a while that i think that uh we're off the prime universe that like this is too wacky to be one of the more likely outcomes you know and you know what it was kyle i felt this way too and i've i've pinpointed when it was it's gonna sound weird my guess is 9-11 that's when no no that happens in every universe that's that that happens in every universe unfortunately that's inevitable because i think al gore is the president and he straightens that whole thing out i thought it was i thought it was a built in part of the American people's like story.

Like I was in New York, like after 9-11 and like that was kind of like when America was the most America. And that's kind of like like I've always loved the USA as a Canadian. I've always loved it. I always wanted to live there and go there. I love everything about America. Like, I really think it's fucking awesome. And those are the times when like, you know, like, all right, people, like when I went to America after 9-11, there was like a seven year period where like to an idiot like me,

it just seemed like everyone was together and was about it you know now there's this like intense loyalty to to their causes or their sides and i feel like things are are really different but i think because i agree with you kyle i don't think we're in the prime universe anymore and i on my theory is it happens when iron man one came out oh when iron man one came out and marvel became like the top thing in arts and entertainment and the fact that like my dad knows who ant-man is yeah that's like the weirdest because like i've always been a comic book fan my whole life so the fact that like comic books and video games are like the number one thing like in the world i'm like something's weird see i disagree because i think that would be the more likely

outcome because i don't think of comic book uh or superheroes as a new thing at all i think they're the old thing in a new way they're the fucking fucking Greek Pantheon made over these, these gods who walk among, among us with flaws. Like, like it's the oldest story told. Then you said it ever since among us came out. That's when the time. I mean,

Iron Man one, it came out in 2008 and that was the biggest thing of 2000. I mean, yeah, there was the global economic collapse. As far as, as far as the togetherness, I think that like there was, it was turbulent through the Obamaamas uh uh years i think um at times but but i think

everyone was kind of together that but we hate those fuckers that had anything to do with osama bin laden and al-qaeda like everybody was definitely together that we need to get them and we don't really care what it takes yeah like there was a lot of solidarity there i agree sure yeah and then also like back then like you didn't get a lot of like now everyone has access to all types of information right wrong vague whatever everyone has access to that so it's like if you're like i want to go learn some shit about osama bin laden who was he and then you kind of read that and you're like whoa now everything's looking a little weird yeah everything's a bad example because you can be like oh so he was trained by the cia yeah exactly

you can look and he had close relations with american government officials. Yeah. And wait, George Bush's father ran the CIA. Oh, no. Oh, no, this doesn't make any sense. You read like five websites and you're like, whoa, Osama bin Laden was Jewish. This makes sense now. A beard.

That's like the weather vane of when you're reading a conspiracy where I'm like, dude, this is fun. I'm liking this. And then that's like the weather vein of when you're reading a conspiracy where I'm like dude this is fun I'm liking this and then it's like and the true blame the Jews and it's like god damn it you got me again you got me all the way to Jews

every now and then I'll end up in some like weird subreddit somewhere like I'll follow a comment trail and I'll see like I noticed they called Jews the noses I was some like weird subreddit somewhere like i'll follow a comment trail and i'll see like like i noticed they called jews the noses i i was like like someone was talking about some crazy alt right shit and they were like ah yeah the noses run that run that racket and i was like that's clearly the jews and then i was in another one once and they were that's racist that's racist of your brain to know right away who they were talking about. Well, you know, it was context clues.

You know what I mean? And then there was another one, and they were calling – I can't remember what they called white people, but it was some reference to mayonnaise. Like maybe they called us mayos or something. Like, yeah, the mayos are always – Was it white bread? White bread?

No, it was mayonnaise. I've been called mayonnaise when I said that I liked K-pop. K-pop stans were like, you fucking jar of mayonnaise. We don't care what you like. Go like your white stuff. These alt-right people, they hate Jews. They hate white people. Oh, no, no.

That wasn't alt-right, the Mayo people. That was black people talking about white people. I was like, damn, this group is not making friends. No, they hate everybody like i'll go through like this like comment chain sometimes and find really bizarre like subreddits that are like uh not just alt-right but also like scary alt-left like people who want to like uh get rid of the white race that sort of thing but like actual white genocide like like for real not just for there are people like unironically advocating for genocide of a group online and they're allowed to do it on reddit yeah yeah they love it well

we're getting close to the end of the show here that's when we get the genocide specifically white genocide well that's what you were saying you said that these these horrible reddits were making powerful plans with all that institutional influence they have i was clearly not just retards online i think they're called the whale watchers yeah recently though i believe discord cracked down on one of their servers where they were preaching that hate and and now we don't have to worry about them anymore when you say them he means jews i'm talking about the noses yeah yeah no i thank you gentlemen both for coming on the show and filling in uh always always fun always i i told you two what happened to woody um but um what befell him as it were so i'd appreciate if you kept that mum next time on pka

but he's he's not So here's the thing. Can you text me Woody's number? Kyle? Because you guys need to hear it for the show next week. But I'm going to call him tomorrow because I really want to know what the fuck happened. Well, we'll text you his number and you can give him a ring. Yeah. I don't need to wait. Hopefully he'll tell me that.

But yeah, it's really crazy. And yeah, thanks for having me. Oh, I meant to need to wait. Hopefully, he'll tell me that. It's really crazy. Thanks for having me on the show, by the way. I meant to tell you guys. Tell Woody if he's okay with this. Tell Woody that I'm doing a van life thing in my Subaru. Nice. I'm living in it. Well, I was for four or five days

until I fucked something up, but I'll get that fixed. Are you playing the ghost somewhere? I'd love to talk to you about Van Life. I went to Tennessee. I went to basically just across the NC-Tennessee border and just camping up there with my dog. Like by Cherokee?

Yeah, actually. It was Pisgah Cherokee National Forest. You ever been to that casino? It's amazing. Not been to the casino because I got a gambling problem. Don't go because it's the biggest casino in the U S maybe bigger than anything in Vegas. It's sick. Yeah, I know. But yeah, I was like, I was just out there camping and doing some stuff.

So I might, I might actually just, I ordered a laptop. Probably just going to do some stuff on the road actually, and try to record it, document it. But I bet Woody. All right. So he'd love that. I can't, I can't i can't say anymore um yeah thank you both for coming on that's pka 605 hold on anybody where do you want to send people what do you want to pimp that's fair that's fair uh just my channel you know how to find me just fucking search my name plain truth on youtube and harley still doing streaming yeah harley plays uh yeah uh epic meal time uh yeah yeah there we go so

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