Painkiller Already - PKA 606 W/Slush: Woodys IronButt And Broken Leg, PitBulls Favorite Chewtoy, Woody Likes Andrew Tate

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

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pka 606 with slush puppy taylor this episode of pka brought to you by blue chew better help death by gummy bears wonky weeds and of course lock and load the premier cum solution to your cum problem look it up check it out below slash thank you so much for joining us i was saying before the show quite possibly the only time you've ever been on that Tarkov was relevant. Yeah, I'm back. Let's talk about Tarkov. Let's talk about Tarkov for two hours. I'm pissing everyone off. Is it not even relevant?

Am I wrong? Me? No, I'm not relevant at all. No, not even Tarkov. Oh, man, I have people coming in and they're like, oh, Pestilli's not playing Tarkov. Is Tarkov dead? Oh, shut up. It's be fucking annoying, cunts.

It's so annoying. Are you getting a little tired of it? No, no, it's good. Every time there's a wipe, it's good because everyone's got shit gear, so it's fun. But they didn't really add much. And there's fuckloads of hackers at the moment and the desync is bad. It's been a rough patch, not going to lie.

I've been playing it for two, three weeks now and it's been definitely rough patch. I'm not going to lie. It's been planned for like two, three weeks now and it's been definitely trying on my patience. The patch before this one was considered really good. Do you think this might be one of the worst? Not one of the worst. I've seen some pretty shit ones. There was one where they just added just the SPD and then it was just like a million cheaters.

That was fucking terrible but uh there's a lot of bugs that they just don't seem able to squash so it's starting to get like a bit annoying like the audio and and the lag and just it's easy to forget the things they fixed though right because i remember when i first started playing and even last year playing you would disconnect a lot like you would you you, you would disconnect a lot. You would be searching for a match and just disconnect, or the spinny circle would happen and then stop, and the whole game would lock down. Sometimes you lose all your gear, because

they spawned you into a map, and you couldn't even move. For people who don't play, you effectively lose all the stuff you brought there. Yeah, it's gone. Performance-wise and disconnect-wise, the game's better but i agree with you the cheaters are off the off the charts this wipe uh it's really really bad youtube is allowing the cheat creators to advertise on content creators videos you go watch you watch a pastille video

about how to find loot on lighthouse or whatever some advertises, hey, do you really want to waste your time doing that bullshit when you go to www.cheatersfuckingwin.com? Let's fucking go. $5 gets you everything you could dream of. Let's go. It's just like headshot montage. It's so hard. I've even noticed on the Escape from Tarpon wiki,

they have R&T websites. It's real real money, uh, transfer. So you buy essentially items in games from cheat in game cheaters. They're advertising that shit on the wiki and stuff. And it's like, wait, would you not think of like,

I don't know what's the word policing that? Like if you just go to your ads and be like, yeah, there's some scumbags advertising our website. Let's not have that. So we don't look like fuckwits. So weird. Yeah. Money's money. Is's money is it like i get emails every day you know do you believe in this at all there's a group of people who accuse tarkov creators this is battle state right of liking

cheaters because then they get to ban people and they rebuy the game like it's a revenue course i've had people say that to me before and it's like yeah but they they spend so much money on anti-cheat like it's something like easy anti-cheat or battle is really expensive and then they also pay like devs to to put this shit into the game why would they pay that if they wanted people to just like spend more money like a hundred thousand band accounts doesn't equal like enough to buy a fucking battle eye subscription and pay 10 developers every year how many people did like those cheaters turn off who may have like done some in-game purchases but we're like you know what i could spend 200 and

i'm still getting fucked like screw this no way yeah i could that's 140 well is it like pay to to can you like buy guns when you're in it or it's not pay to win at all there's no like further purchasing but if you want to be in a good standing to play the game to me it's like it's like if you spend 140 you start off right you spend less they kind of cripple you a little to begin with i thought you like bought keys or crates or something yeah but that's in-game money that you acquire in-game. Those are rubles. Those are fake money. I think of that as mana. Don't even think about that as real

money. Alright, so you can't just be like alright, 20 bucks, AK for me. No, you can't. You get it off eBay off cheaters. Yeah, not without that. Yeah, Slusher's right. He's like, actually, it's only $5 and it's AK for you and jetpack for you and flying around invisible for you. It's a uh a video just came out um a creator called one peg found a uh one of the

emissaries for the game i think he's a sherpa so he's like recognized by tarkov to be like a guy that guides people through the game he's meant to be like a professional like tarkov wizard uh he found they found out he was paying a cheater to carry him through the game so they've got all these fucking discord messages and shit uh so funny have you been yourself uh no i i don't like teaching people anything i can't stand teaching people stuff i yeah it annoys me so i don't have the patience for it so i know some game in slush's world every tip for them makes them a little better harder to kill yeah exactly i want them to be shit so i can kill them you know i have a youtube video with bad advice yeah exactly yeah yeah i'm

not very i i maybe i'm just a fucking autist but i just don't understand like other people's learning styles and so when they're like can you explain this to me differently i'm just a fucking autist but i just don't understand like other people's learning styles and so when they're like can you explain this to me differently i'm like no motherfucker like this is how it goes like just fucking do it i was so lucky like because of my i'm on the podcast and stuff there are people who were maybe inclined to help me and get me started and teach me and were patient and i'm grateful yeah yeah there was no one really like who taught you how to podcast do you think? Or were you using podcasting as a different thing? I was saying, because I'm on the podcast,

people are nice to me. But who taught me how to podcast? I think I just copied Hutch. I was going to... Because this started with you, Wings, Kyle, like 2010. And it's like, okay, what huge podcasts were there in 2010? Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, and... Who the fuck else was that old oh the the ricky gervais and like carl pilkington

steven merchant they had a hilarious show but like that was like 2005-6 but yeah yeah you guys got in so early yeah way back when host migration this was the Hutch, C. Danners, and Trumpfy? Who was the third? I never watched that one. I didn't either. Anyway, Hutch kind of like decided when topics were over and what the next topic would be and kept the thing flowing along. And there was a time when I felt like this podcast needed that role, and I filled it. And then I think I filled it for way too long. The podcast stopped needing that guy, and I was like ending conversations like all right enough truck talk yeah but sometimes the

best thing you can have is a 40 minute debate on snacks like sometimes that's good that's what people want to hear you know not every week but so something that people have been wanting to hear desperately i've been getting i'm sure kyle has been getting it as well uh there's a loud dog but uh woody was in an, and everybody's been asking me, what the hell's going on? And I've been honestly saying, I have no idea. Woody did not tell Kyle or I what's going on. We have no clue.

So these are genuine reactions to the thing. Yeah, so the trip started out well enough. The mission was to go from North Carolina via roads to Colorado and then dirt roads up the Rocky Mountains across Colorado and Wyoming. This is like 2,000 miles-ish. And then roads back home. That's not how it went out. If you guys remember me, right before, I was like, dude, I'm watching all these, like, the people who choose these roads, who lay out the back road discovery route, that's what it's called,

they all had medical emergencies in their promotional videos. And I'm like, maybe we'll get one. Well, my dream came true. So that's my bone. Zach, can you zoom in on the right? It's the smaller bone. It's called the fibula. Hey, Slush, we're getting some noise from a dog.

Sorry. There it is. So the smaller one that's off to the side, do you see how it has that horizontal sort of division? That's supposed to be one bone. That's where the break is. Yeah. So it's not like a fake thing or whatever.

And if you look at it. Sorry. So, of course, there's the big split across the big bone. I don't even know what that is. The tibula and the foot bone. Fibula? The fibula is the little one to the side. Zach is pointing it out well.

That break doesn't belong there. And you can't see from this angle, but the bottom part isn't quite on right. It's good enough. We're not going to operate, probably. But he gave me the option. He's like, you know, I could go in there. I could put some screws here and here.

I could put a plate on the side. That's what my other leg looks like. And it's not awesome to have hardware in your leg. I don't know. You throw in like a ski boot, and all of a sudden it clamps against the screws, and it's uncomfortable and painful and shit. TSA?

No. I go right through the metal detectors. I think it's titanium, and that's why and painful and shit. TSA? No. I go right through the metal detectors. I think it's titanium and that's why, but I'm not sure. So what they did instead is put me in a cast. Here, Zach, can I full screen? You got this guy going on.

Look how big they had to make the cafe. We're going to need more paper mache. Smuggling hands, man. So they put my foot in the cat. It was a bit of a thing. I got out there well. There's this iron butt challenge where you do 1,000 miles in a day.

I did over 1,100. I crushed it. I'm definitely going to qualify as an iron butt person. The first person ever to do it on my model motorcycle. I did over 1100. I crushed it. I'm definitely going to qualify as an iron butt person. The first person ever to do it on my model motorcycle. I was excited about that. This is not a thing that people give a shit about, but I do. And I was excited. I did my, I hit my goal. I had some trouble with the bike. The front brake kept locking up hard, happened three times. And it's like, this is dangerous. So I got separated from my group and I had to catch them. Right. So they're on off road. I drop in. I don't want to miss any

mountain passes or any fun of the experience. And I'm in pursuit mode, right? Where the fuck is my Cape? I'm going to catch these guys, chase them down. And I did, I did. I caught all my friends. I was like, I couldn't believe I did it. Like I thought I was going to be a day and a half behind them, but I got on my horse. I called everyone and now I'm leading. I don't want to pump my tires too much while I'm injured. So no one's going to think I'm too good. When the off-road section gets really technical, right?

Like the, the harder it is to get through it, the better I do when it's easy, the worse I do, because then they start going really fast. I'm not as fast as them, not as fast as them on the street or on like, I don't know how to say paved dirt road, but like, you know, really well manicured dirt road. I get my ass kicked, but when it's really rough and bumpy and there's big rocks and shit,

I'm usually the fastest guy. It might be my bike, but whatever but whatever um this is where my attitude went wrong i had been you know leading the pack having a blast hitting jumps all day long just rocketing that thing in the air and and i i was really feeling it you know you weight shift well and stuff when you're on top of your game and i hit there was this like rock formation that looked like a really cool jump and i was like yeah jump number 932 here we come we're gonna catch air again everything's been coming up woody the other side wasn't i expected i didn't look before i left and on the downside was a hole and what's important is like like say your bike just sort of jumps in an arc if it's flat or downhill on the other side, I'm happy.

But because it's a hole, I kind of jumped into the arc and hit the upward side. Yeah. Which is to say at my angle, I crashed into a wall. And that went poorly. My face like slammed into the bike's windshield, which was no trouble because i have a full face helmet but i'm kind of like not driving this thing for eight seconds ten seconds it was enough to lose control and uh you mean like you just hit so hard you were stunned like not and maybe my hands came off the handlebars like i tried to save it. I tried to keep my chest on the tank and get back in position,

but I didn't succeed. Eventually, I fell over to the side. My bike landed on my right foot, and my toe pointed towards the back tire. Oh, no. Yeah. I had some pretty protective boots on, but broken fibula, high ankle sp sprain for those of you who know

medical stuff and now i have a problem because i'm like two hours deep in the woods in the rocky mountains 2 000 miles from home on a motorcycle and i gotta like get all this solved the boys are camping at night and i'm supposed to camp too but i was was like, guys, excuse me. I'm going to get a hotel, find some ice, stuff like that. And even that was a challenge. Lake City, Colorado is such a small place. Literally no one had rooms, nobody. And I'm just like sitting in a hotel with no vacancy, like a motel, talking, calling, et cetera. And a guy who owns it or works there is like, are you in trouble?

And I'm like, well, I think I broke my leg and I don't have any place to stay and I'm just sorting that out now. And he's like, we have an emergency room for people like you if you want it. And I was like, fuck. And really my thought, my first impression was, well, I don't want to

impose. That was my knee-jerk reaction. Like, well, I'll sort this out myself. I don't need your emergency room. Then he told me it was $65 a day. So I got the hell out of there. It was like, you know what? Actually, yeah, I do have a broken leg. Maybe this warrants using this empty room he keeps for people who

get hurt and uh you know then everything started going well for me there was a restaurant that didn't deliver i called him up and i was like you know you got anyone there they were a block away one block i was like i'll tip a guy 20 if he just walks the food over and like we don't deliver and i'm like i really need you to i really need you to, I'm laid up. I can't walk. I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten today. Uh, you know, I'm like, maybe you got a guy that we're about to close. I was like, maybe you got a guy there who after closing, you know, wants to earn $20 in two minutes. Like, and, uh, and that's what happened. So, you know, they brought me a big bag of ice and stuff that they took good care of me. Staff was like hey they gave me a ride to the medical center

it was half a mile but i was really appreciative and um nice people i got my x-rays and that's when i learned it was broken and uh it wasn't the news i wanted to hear but um yeah anyway so zach can you pull some more pictures up we've got some got some foot pics for you perverts out there yes okay to see more pics that is so what is uh the total amount of time you can't like put weight on it do anything what are you laid up for so i'm in the cast for two weeks and uh with that i can't put weight on it at all i am cleared to lift weights, so I can move around. I'll start that again tomorrow.

That's way less time than I thought you'd say. Two weeks? Yeah. Well, after the cast comes a boot. And with that, he's like, you put the foot on the ground, pretend you're walking on eggs that you're trying not to break. You still use crutches, but you're starting to put your foot through the motions of walking on it and adding more weight.

And then probably somewhere around six to eight weeks, I'm in a normal shoe. So it's not too bad. Yeah. This fibula break is not too bad. It turns out the tibula, which is the bigger one in the x-ray picture does all the load bearing. And the fibula is about stability and you know,

you put it in a cast or a boot and you can fake that while it heals. Was it really one of those breaks where like it wasn't that painful it was just shocking now yeah sorry i cut you off but yeah people are like what's your pain level what's your pain level like zero this is like something guarding like imagine you hurt your shoulder really bad you might carry it like this you know you hold your own wrist and put it across your body that that's known as guarding and something about my broken leg made me want to guard it it made me know to not walk on it very much not do like the kind of side to side pivots a basketball player would do nothing like that but if you just wanted to stand on it through the heel i mean i did that on my motorcycle for two hours through the dirt roads, getting back to civilization and it was pretty much okay. Um, but now that like things have sort of settled and maybe sensations coming back and stuff like that, it hurts more. It hurts more when

it's the robs and bothers me when I'm not elevating it and stuff like that. But, uh, I broke my arm when I was like 19 and trying to ride my motorbike. I couldn't like move my foot up and down. So like to change gears, I had to pull out my boot and then hook my heel onto like the, onto the gear selector and like jiggle up and down. This was to get home or you did that for like a little while? No, I broke it when I was out drunk. jiggled up and down this was to get home or you did that for like a little while uh no so i um

i broke it when i was out drunk so i stepped off a footpath and i um it was higher than i thought i rolled it and i broke pretty much the same bone as you as as far as i remember and uh it was just like a little hairline fracture a couple of adrenaline junkies we're in the bad decision team mine like swelled up like massive and then the next day i was at my friend's house and i couldn't get home without riding my motorbike so i'm trying to ride it with a broken ankle i'm like yeah mine's swollen too by a lot i had pictures but zach's not bringing them up but um yeah and it's and one's purple and one's white those things but yeah yeah maybe i give him a bad link let me see he says he doesn't have And one's purple and one's white. Those things. Maybe I gave him a bad link? Let me see.

He says he doesn't have them yet. So, does this discourage you in any way from future motorcycling pursuits across these 50 states? Of course not, right? Not at all. I bought you

something today. I need you to send me your address. I asked for it earlier to put on your wall. It'll be fun. I feel like it's you. I found a poster thing. Yeah, I didn't think it would discourage you at all. I can imagine Jackie's reaction

is being like, again, huh? All right, well, you okay? Sounds good. See you soon. Yeah, I imagine she'd be like oh only two weeks hardly noticeable like our leading oh my goodness is that wings i wish you hadn't said wings because i was gonna say it looks like a really obese person's foot it's too zoomed in i don't know potato potato that's a i'm on the black yeah it is so swollen in there and that must that must have been in colorado uh looking at the carpet yeah that was the hope

did it go like really black like uh overnight yeah i think we might be back now are we back home here um yeah that's my guest bathroom tile that's the tile that I lay on when I'm hung over. I saw that tile. I was like, that is not motel tile. No. That's heat-seeking tile. From Woody's drunk face. Yeah, yeah. When we do a drinking episode and I put my face on the tile and thank it for its cool

heat transfer. That's the tile. But yeah, it's oddly weird color. It doesn't still look good. Right? Doing its healing thing. That's the tile. But yeah, it's oddly weird color. It's just swollen blood, right? Doing its healing thing. And that's the cast. Did you pick blue, or is that what they had? They had a bunch of colors.

I picked this color. I like blue. Have you ever seen people with those rainbow ones? Yeah. That's a patterned strip, right? You're not signing up the nurse to do an art project, are you? Don't think I wasn't looking at the girl colors. I'm like, wait, they have yellow?

When I was in high school, I got fuchsia as a cast once. And I'm like, Woody, just back off the femininity for a little bit. If you could be masculine for just a few seconds, you'll be grateful for the next two weeks. What do you want? I don't know. Gray. Simply give me camo. There we go.

That to me looks like they used a bunch of different colors. Yeah. I don't see any transitions. That's a little rude. Really? They've got other people to be taping up, and you're asking for custom colors i think i want my money i'm glad you like them yeah it works so hard it is festive you know

that's nice so yeah then i um i had to get myself home i rode my motorcycle a few hours to a small town and i called a shipper and there are motorcycle shipping companies for a thousand dollars they're sent they're bringing the bike home. It should be here tomorrow, I hope. And then I flew my cell phone. Well, I flew commercial. Get out of the way, Captain. I've got this one.

I'm not going to let this be a tour. I stayed in an emergency holiday. I'm going to get some more adrenaline on the way home to make up for it. We're going to do loops the entire way home. We've got to get some adrenaline before I get home. What was the percentage of the trip you had completed at the time of the adventure? Like half of it?

Like a third of it? It depends whether you count the drive out there as part of the trip. There were kind of three legs. Out there, dirt, and back. But it was literally the first dirt day that I did. How many days were you meant to be out there? Dirt day is like 14.

Something like that. And you injured yourself in the first two hours. I was so gutted. You don't understand. You were so stoked on us. I've been actively focusing on my mental health lately. Let's get some exercise, some sunshine, some sense of accomplishment, time with friends. The sort of shit that makes you feel better in the mental health realm.

And this trip had all of that. The accomplishments, the friends, the sunshine that the physical activity outdoors like i had so much pegged on this thing making me happy and it it did quite the opposite i was so gutted there was a moment so i'm trying to fly home and i ride my motorcycle like two hours and I go to the airport, the Gunnison, Colorado airport. It's this tiny regional little thing. And I've got my confirmation number on the phone and I go to check myself in. And it says that it can't check me in if I'm not within 24 hours of my flight date. I'm like, the fuck? I'm like 90 minutes from my flight date.

Like what is the problem here? So, um, so I, I actually find this lady. She seems like she'd be nice. She just looked nice. And I'm like,

this font on my phone is so small. What's the flight date. And she's like, she struggled a little. August 18th. I'm like, what's your level of confidence? Like, are you sure I booked my flight home for August 18th? And she looked again and she's like, yes, you did. And so I call United and I get this guy with a really frustrating accent and I'm working with them.

Right. And I'm like, you know, can you get me on this flight? There's seats on this flight. You can go online and buy this flight. Now, please just transfer me to the right flight.

Please just do this for me. And he's like, all right, let me see what I can do. And he's like, no, the flight's too soon. I can't do it.

And I'm like, I basically kindly said like, can I speak to the manager? Is there like anyone? Cause there's no physical reason we can't do it and i'm like i basically kindly said like can i speak to the manager is there like anyone because there's no physical reason we can't do this there's no reason i can't just walk to this plane and you have to understand the airport's so small it's smaller than your local home depot right like this is a small airport i can just walk over there and get on the blue like this should be a doable thing he bumps it up to the next level of support they can't do it and i am now i'm like within an hour of the flight and i'm like it's hard to get them to be like your flight takes off there's there that's the gunnison airport so uh wow right like like there's not a lot it like

i mentioned that because if it was denver you know getting from where you park to where your plane is is an ordeal. It's not an ordeal here. This is like finding the freaking pharmacy section of your CVS. It's right there. You just walk to the back. Anyway, I gave up on the idea. They were able to cancel the flight, but they weren't able to get me on the flight.

So I limped back to my motorcycle and sat down next to it in the parking space. Cried? Did you cry a little? I'd have cried a little. I would have been so upset i probably i would have cried too you can open up those i would i was so fucking broken i was like this is everything i didn't want yeah you were this is the opposite of what i wanted to we doing today? That so sucks. I'm so sorry. But in that parking lot, you were just, like, I could see,

you just broken of, like, because it's such a fun thing to look forward to for so long and for it to go so poorly. I was so sad for you. I told my wife when that happened. I'm like, Woody broke his leg. And she's like, on that trip? He just left. And I was like, yeah, I know. she's like on that trip he just left and i was like yeah i know it's fucking sorry like i hope he's it was really hard on me so then i had to

spend another night in gunnison and i booked the flight for the next day and then on the the next flight that it's like an hour to denver then home from Denver. Cool. Well, the guy right next to me, as he was shutting the overhead bin compartment, he broke it. And it kind of like wiggled a little bit. So the pilot is like, this plane can't fly with a broken overhead bin. No way.

Is that like an integral structural problem? like where is the gas hold? and he's like don't worry about it there's a little buffer built into the schedule we'll have a maintenance guy come out and do whatever and I'm just like

is this your first time dealing with like airline maintenance they're not going to be quick this is going to be a whole thing and uh anyway long story short the guy took like 90 minutes and then he gets there and he can't remove the fucking thing like it i don't mean to be an asshole but like i'm stronger this guy and he can't work the screws he can't undo it he eventually pulls out a fucking multi-tool and he's struggling he's struggling he's trying to fix this pulls out a fucking multi-tool and he's struggling he's struggling he's trying to fix this fucking airplane with his multi-tool and get the the thing on and i wanted to scooch him aside i'm like like i i could have a multi-tool i could

do this job better than you and you're like airline maintenance and um uh you didn't get i am confused anyway so uh eventually the guy manages to remove the door and i miss my connecting flight what in denver yeah but um let me clarify the man who fucked up the thing is your seat mate no he was across the aisle and behind me. Okay. Now, was there any like – I think I would have slapped him. Was anybody giving him a hard time or did he apologize in any way? So he broke it by perhaps shutting it too aggressively. Like I think his luggage stuck out a bit.

Yeah, it didn't fit. And his goal was to force it closed. Of course. And he didn't realize it would break at the hinge. And I saw him do it. And I saw the stewardess be like you know like a little like oh you just broke the plane yeah and somehow i was i don't know how it came up or something but he's like you were not launching because of this and i'm the one that broke it and i was like i know i saw you break it like i wasn't gonna out him you know i'd have been like

the guy in 13a broke the shit and delayed the plane pass it forward i was gonna keep his secret for him i wasn't looking no we're gonna mute me on him yeah he's got a plan is anyone gonna start drama so i'm gonna fix the plane, we're going to fix the flight. Now we're going to stab this guy. I was going to take out a multi-tool and end up in Guantanamo. I was trying to get a refund for that flight, which they wouldn't do. They're like,

we can't refund this flight. And I'm like, what? You missed the connection. It's your fault. I was like, why do I have to buy this flight? So I ended up buying that flight,

which I couldn't take from Denver to Raleigh. And then another flight via Southwest, which I take from denver to raleigh and that's how i got home later that day and uh it was just like this is so hard if there wasn't a record-breaking heat wave across like kansas and kentucky i might've rode my bike home, but I was like, this just doesn't seem like the move. And imagine most of the time I stopped my bike, I put my left foot down, which is my good foot.

But imagine it doesn't go that way. Imagine, you know, you just tip into the right a little bit and use the other foot happens every 50th time. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to have to catch my bike tipping over with my broken leg or pick it up off the ground with one leg. Like none of this

is the move. I should just ship it home. So, uh, no, I can't. My father told me once life, serious problems are medical and emotional. Everything else you can solve with money. And that sounds like, Oh, easy to say when you have money, but no, it's still true. Like, even if you're not rich and you crash your car 18 months later it's just a part of your history like you've got a new car by then like you're back on your feet probably and i'm just like this sucks but this is a good opportunity to throw money at your problems like let's hire a fucking motorcycle shipper let's get another airplane ticket let's do whatever. That was my mindset. Just get me home.

I'm tired of being alone and hurt. It's like the story itself, the injury plus all of those catches trying to get home, I don't think that would have been as devastating, except you had that imagined anchor point of this is going to be wild. And so the disparateness of this is going to be the and so the disparateness of like this is going to be the most fun thing ever to like what the rides are closed like basically yeah this would shatter me it would be like going to like disney world and they're like it's all everyone's on strike but guess what the broccoli gardens open the gap between what i needed what i expected and what i got that's the whole premise to national lampoon's vacation uh chase travels the whole fucking

country goes through all those hardships gets to wally world with his whole family chicago to los angeles i think it was and they're closed for maintenance he pulls out a fucking gun he's like no we're riding rides that happened to me i uh put your hands up uh france and i was like i really want to see the um the fucking like architecture on the whatever it was called okay i the fucking church that burnt down in um in france notre dame yeah yeah and i was like oh yeah that's it's really beautiful and i booked a hotel like across the road like you can look out the window at the front of the fucking notre dame and i had everything going and then like a week before we went there it burnt down it survived for literally like 1200 years.

It would have burned down like the week before I went. Fuck you. Did they put it back together? Did they build it back? The front facade was still there, but I think they're still working on the actual structural part of the building. But because of that, they'd close that entire island on the CN.

There's just armed police everywhere. They were in the process of remodeling anyway. Look at the scaffolding. that entire island on the cn and so it's just like there's just armed police everywhere and and uh they were in the process of remodeling anyway look at the scaffolding yeah yeah someone plugged a tool in or some shit no shit that's what did it yeah yeah it was like a oh i didn't know they figured it out yeah some like cheap fucking uh tradesman or some shit like that burnt down by plugging in some harbor freight tool yeah well they still had those weird voltages over there it was probably a 600 volt miter saw yeah exactly oh yeah so that see that that view there that that last picture the hotel that i was staying at was like above that picture so you could see like the whole thing

like on the left uh on the left where that uh where this corner of the street is i stayed like up above that like above where the picture taker is so you got to smell the cathedral yeah yeah i mean i guess it was fun to watch the the firefighting like process and all those i didn't even didn't even get to do that i was it was over before weekly the the firefighting like process and all the shit i didn't even didn't even get to do that i was it was over before i got there oh you're weak early oh yeah all i got was like a bunch of fucking french people protesting because they'd raise money to build it again and everyone was like why aren't you giving money to poor people um wait they had to raise money to rebuild no game yeah yeah i imagine france would just be like yeah that's pretty important

his money for it like it's like yeah yeah it's like oh you mean the biggest uh building in the west down well down down it's like build it the back oh however they sound like that wouldn't they just do that like yeah i don't like french people love protesting yeah french people are out there who are the best protesters i like when they do those naked lady protests. Yeah, the Russian chicks do that well, too. The best part about that kind of protesting is it's always going to continue because it achieves nothing. So, like,

their tits will remain. It makes me want to... Putin's never going to be like, that perfect pair's got me guessing. Well, I mean, I think they're trying to raise international awareness. They're definitely not going to stop Putin. I saw at the soccer game between...

Who the fuck was it? Ukraine and maybe Turkey or somebody. They were chanting Vladimir Putin, and then the Ukrainians came back and beat them 2-1. I thought that was funny. That war is just going to keep grinding. If you guys want to make it... I like these long-term

bets that i've been making um so so if anyone wants to do an over under on the length of the ukraine war uh i think it's at least another year what constitutes an end game is he yeah that's a good question we'd have to sit there i mean yeah it's gonna be hard is this gonna be like american middle east kind of thing where they just sit in it and just wallow for fucking years? I hope so. That's the best case scenario or the worst case scenario for Russia, which I think is the best case scenario. I think Trump will not be our next president.

Are you interested in this bet? I think Kyle's offered that one, right? Yeah, to Kyle, yes. I thought we already had it. Oh, do we have it? Oh, Zach says we have one. I need to write it down. For $50, do I have everybody but Trump?

No, wait. I hope I negotiated that. Did you guys do who was going to be the next president or if he was going to run again? You know, it's hard to say. I have several different bets. I also have a bet with you about whether criminal charges get pressed or not and whether they stick or not so um i don't know i'm sure you know we record

this thing luckily so somebody will point out the truth whatever it is there's no way that the criminal charges will stick on him he's way too rich and he's the former president and they don't like very connected there's good reasons not to prosecute like former politics like i would hate it if every time the party switched the other people started going to jail with trump i i feel like it's more warranted than it has been in the past but that's like some banana republic shit though like uh yeah we asked the last president let's hang him in the street like yeah it would be like skin this dude's family teach him a lesson immediately arrest everyone in the former administration and then every time the

re-election happens just bag him for it right that's terrible that's not what you want that's banana republic shit on the other hand you really did try to like do a coup and president for was you got more votes. Coo-hoo! He really did say march down to the Capitol and fight and then for 187 minutes while they took the place over and smeared shit on the walls, did nothing. And there comes a point

though where it's like, you can't be responsible for what other people do. If I say, like, fucking go and ram your head into the wall, he could have tweeted. He could have said, hey, guys, kindly, no. He said his responsibility to control people. He said, go down there and fight.

And then they did, and he loved it. Yeah, but I could be like, yeah, go and smash your head into the wall, and you'd be like, yeah, it sounds great. That's my fault. Inciting a riot is a thing and I don't know if it'll I don't think anything will come of it but I don't know if he should be

prosecuted for it just because he's a former president and you know you don't want to be a banana book I think we should do the opposite though I think it should be like that one fallout vault where the overseer whoever was the leader of the vault who's the leader of the vault,

he's the president of the vault, whatever you want to say, he gets killed every year, and then a new one, and then there's a vote for who's going to be the next overseer, and everybody's like, not me, not me! It's like, yeah, you, and then that person has to lead the whole vault for a year, and then

at the end, they execute that person. Dude, we should have terminally ill leadership right like people who already do wow what a change i think there should be an age limit like how how are we electing these motherfuckers that like what my my gran was like younger than biden when i'm when we're like yeah she needs to go to a home like she's done pissed herself when she she's coming over for family dinner. How are we electing these cunts? I think we need to lean into the innocence

of children. Maybe the top elected official should be 13. There'd be no wars. There'd be no wars. I mean, there'd be the great Lego war where it's like we need to steal all the legos from the other countries yeah yeah country of jobs yugioh cards it's national currency yeah i think

like the next president did we're like i don't be a thing they would like randomly citizens would just get selected every year and he'd be like you're in charge of making laws this year and then they were like okay and then the next year they booted them all out and brought in a new crop and they'd be like okay okay, that was good. But that other shit was retarded. I hate that. Get rid of that. And it eventually culminated in the absolute collapse of Greece.

Maybe not. Well, it was more Rome just kind of pushing their shit in. But anyway. I think he'll win. I think he'll win. And I know it's super duper early and he hasn't even said he's going to do it yet. By the way, it's a push if he does. I hope Bernie comes back.

I want to see Bernie do his thing again. I like Bernie. I don't care if he's 185. I like Bernie, and I like him being there. He's like the – he's just – it's good that he's there. I like him being the – they'll go back and forth with their nastiness, like they always do, and then he'll be there and he'll be like, yeah, but what about paying for people's health care and saving babies?

Look, there's a dang baby right there. Help it. And they're like, no, we need to sling more mud. I love it. He's always the one guy who makes so much sense. You know what? Hear me out on this. Hear me out on this.

Baseball playoffs are more fun when the Yankees are in it. For this reason, if the Yankees aren't in it, most people are like, it's boring this year. Maybe next year I can root for or against the Yankees. I don't think they've won in a dozen years. They don't have to win. They just need to be in the playoffs. The playoffs are more

interesting when the Yankees are playing. Cool. I want Trump, Hillary, anders all in it just run i'm not saying i want them as president i'm saying i'd like to watch this show again let's see the let's see i want them in it okay i know now this i like what i like about this think of it like a reality show when they bring back like richard hatch who's the winner of survivor season one yeah like season 10 and they're having like the all-star show and you're like oh shit richard's back he gained another 30 pounds got even gayer just to win harder this like if trump came back and like like you could see trump let his hair kind of go silver for a

while now he's kind of back to his standard gold what if he came back and it was like blonde as fuck like like and he's tanner than he's ever been super saying he's uber trump i i want him to come back and be be bigger bigger better oh yeah i want trump's head on christy's body running for president i wish he'd lose the weight it would be so tremendous if he got fit like i don't know what he looks like right now, but I thought he lost weight when he left office. He lost some. I think he got healthier because he looked big for a while.

He looked like 275 or so. I don't think he got help with my work that much. He's more like a svelte 260 these days. He's svelte. You bring up a good point. He worked so hard as president. I don't know anyone that that really put in the hours that he did dude i mean he like by the end of the presidency just weeble wobble

body full just lower half so massive i couldn't tip him over trump was all about trying new things and doing stuff for sometimes maybe for appearances but it was still cool to see it done like like i guess that was the point right when he wouldn't like met kim kim jong-un um that was so weird to see a u.s president go meet that matt that fucking goofball over there in his scary ass country and shake his hand and to see that he was like smiling and like excited to meet donald trump it was clear that kim jong-un was like holy shit you showed up fuck bro he's the guy from the apprentice oh my god like look at him he's like oh shit

how is this happening is he on booster street like for a shot you just you just know that like before leading up to this kim jong-un was the one being like oh i'm so nervous like he was the one nervous leading up that's like oh i saw you in home home alone too it just came out i remember you from duncan checks in when the monkey went around the hotel in New York. Look how fat that guy's hand is. It looks like my foot. He got fucking edema of the wrist.

It does look like Woody's foot. I don't know. I like this. This guy was perennially shooting those rockets over Japan and it doesn't mean anything to us here on the mainland. But I bet there's a lot of people in Japan that are terrified by this psycho. I think we can agree that it didn't accomplish anything.

He just flat out had the same program before and after meeting Trump, and he's in the same spot now. I know he had a little delay, but that's because this fucking missile-making facility broke. Oh, I wonder how that happened. It just broke down. It did. There was an explosion. The bunker went. Oh, not one of them accidental explosions.

Could have been. I don't know. I don't know. But anyway, they got right back on the horse and started. Now they send missiles. Doing nothing didn't help. That was just ignoring him. He didn't do anything.

But why did he try something different? That's what you think. Obama didn't help like that was just ignoring anything just like but but that's what you think obama didn't do anything w didn't do anything trump didn't do anything but at least he tried it a different way he tried a different way and he also considered buying was it greenland or iceland i think it was greenland it was greenland uh yeah i think it was greenland yeah uh and that would have been so i didn't hate that they all made fun of him they all made fun of him and like why why make fun of him why not buy some territory you do make fun of him for when when we were getting when a hurricane was headed up the east coast and trump said should we nuke it that's stupid that's not a good idea and he deserved to be made fun of.

I get out of the box thinking, but sometimes, dude, you're just a fucking moron. Actually, the only reason I know that that's silly is because there's a YouTube channel that makes videos like, what would happen if you set off a nuclear weapon

at the bottom of the Marianas Trench? And I know that nothing would happen. But if I'm the president and they just said, all right, Mr. President, you now have access to 876 thermonuclear warheads. They can all hit anywhere on the planet within 13 minutes of your word. You're like, oh, okay. Can't really use them though, can I? What if there was a reason for me to use one of those though?

I'd love to. A hurricane's bearing down on us and you got the arsenal. I'd ask. If I hadn't seen that youtube channel i'd be like hey what what happens if we shoot a missile at i feel like sometimes you should know not to ask right especially if you're the president like you're the leader in the box like when he when he said you know like hey we've got all the king's horses and all the king's men trying to solve this pandemic.

And Trump is like, have we considered putting disinfectant in people's blood? Or maybe a light inside their bodies. Yeah. Like, you know what? I'm going to guess the experts are way ahead of me on this and I'm going to manage them in some different way.

What do you need for me to facilitate your support? Do you need funding? Do do you need resources do you need a communications mechanism where two parties can work together like what do you need is there some rule that's slowing you down i'm a guy that can change rules that's where my role is yeah for me to be like have you thought about bleaching the blood that's not my role that's why i look stupid now yeah i should be doing smart shit like i talked about a second ago. Yeah, I like it when, frankly, I would have liked it if Donald Trump had said something like, I don't know anything about viruses.

I have these experts here. This is Jim, Joe, and Jane. And they're going to tell me everything they know about viruses. And then together, we're going to make some. I wish he'd just been honest and said he was like, ah's no big deal trust me and every day it was more like oh don't worry about that thing over there and then later on it was like now we're gonna get it we're declaring war on viruses and it was it was just the wrong way to go about it it didn't work trump said i like there was a few things that he did uh that's actually made sense to me like uh when when that uh the

iranians launched that missile at the at the american airbase and he was just like fuck you and just launched like shitload of shit back at him like they've been tiptoeing around iran forever and clearly it's not working and same with syria when they were like yeah with bombing their citizens and he was just like fuck this and and just fucked up their whole airbase. About time someone did something. We've just been sitting there on our hands for years. The entire Western civilization is just like, eh, fuck it, just let them do whatever.

But he actually did something, which is better than fucking around and doing nothing and achieving nothing. You think... I wonder who will be his vice president this time because obviously it's not pence i think that if he picks jake pantus or something he needs to pick someone that gives him a state he needs he needs a woman what's a politician who is liked. Okay.

Where's Nikki Haley from? South Carolina. I don't like that. She's annoying. He's already got that. Tulsi Gabbard. Tulsi Gabbard just got put on a list of fucking Russian collaborators. Hawaii doesn't flip. Isn't she Hawaii? Tulsi's been a little weird with her politics the last few years i don't know who she's pulling but that's my thing i think he needs

a good vp who can be out there and be energetic and doing their own thing and he just needs to run the trump show up and down the fucking uh seaboards and you know who might be a loyal trump person uh of course sarah palin she no not again not again you're like she's been doing her own thing for so long now not even in the politics game marjorie taylor green magic the gathering i don't know i don't know anything about her no she's terrifying uh i think he's gonna win though i look forward to seeing baron trump at like eight feet tall walking into that white house and having that's see that's the most important part let's see how all that fucker gets it's probably all this time to wrap up politics but have the murdoch stuff has gone anti-trump which has made made me want this bet with Kyle that apparently I already had. The New York Post

ran an anti-Trump article. It was having to do with the January 6th stuff where he tried to stage a coup. The Wall Street Journal tried to do an anti-Trump opinion article. The Fox and Friends, they're out there talking about how Ron DeSantis is out polling Trump. And he is in like 10% of the polls and he's losing in 90. And they're like, look at these polls over here. It seems that Rupert Murdoch has turned against Trump.

And we'll see if that sticks. Trump's business, whether you like him or not, if you're in the news business. Yeah, true. He probably just a bit too much of a wild card though they're like oh we can't control this dude let's like let's fuck him off get someone else i like i like to win um maybe they think they can win without him though uh but we'll see i think that uh the whole supreme court thing is going to pull him a lot of favor with his base. I think this is a big win for them. Oh, because they can see the writing on the wall. It's a generation of wins is what he's delivered.

He's delivered a dynasty. Like, it's – he really has. Trump has come in and said, okay, you get to be champs for the next 20 years. How about – we're talking about the president.immy carter a one-termer how about let's get him back in the mix and and you know the one i want the one after he fell i would love for jimmy carter on stage to be like like bashing b like, back in my day! Like, even older than Biden. Dean McArthur has another

term left in him, right? All you whippersnapper boomers with your wild ideas about politics. He's talking about Biden's youth and inexperience. Look at these spring chickens sharing the stage with me.

Hey, spry as fuck. Look that that's an american president he looks good for 100 honestly he does or maybe this is an older photo is he 97 now that's he's he's almost 100 he looks like he feeds on the blood of infants to sustain himself he is i don't know why you can't just give like what is a human if not blood? Why can't we just give them fresh blood all the time? Take it out of babies, put it in Carter and see how it works. Why him?

Why can't I have the blood? I want baby blood. You're not even old enough. I want to make a significant change in somebody. Who knows? Who knows what baby blood can do for me? It's like... uh fucking justin bieber has been taking this like this shit that apparently like humans produce this chemical that uh they produce shit loads of it when they're younger and then their body stops producing it

and now they've got like this new like anti-aging thing and justin bieber's been like on it i can't remember what the fuck it's called justin bieber's face is paralyzed right yeah something to do with shingles it's like uh some some kind of disease where it just like paralyzes how do we feel about this are we happy that justin bieber's face is now paralyzed no i don't know he always uh he's a big hockey fan he always goes to the nhl all-star games because he's canadian so i i don't know his music but i got nothing against that guy i hope his face justin i know you're a big listener i hope your haste your face goes back to that i didn't see that it's the it's the side of that's not blinking obviously that's like paralyzed and so when that happens you have to like wet your eye manually or it'll dry out well that's a good look

I saw him begging fans not to wait outside his apartment the other day really sweetly and then they were like can we have a hug anyway well then stop winking when you say it like George with a fucking pulp so he gets weekly IV infusions of NAD plus

has anyone heard of this I'm trying to look it up. He sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber and gets weekly IV infusions of NAD+. Yeah, NAD+, that's the shit, yeah. He's absolutely a Joe Rogan fan. That sounds like a very, very

Joe Rogan thing to do. Let's get that shit into Jimmy Carter. How big is that chamber? Dude, this is such bull. This article is like he gets NAD plus treatment treatments once a week, but it doesn't come cheap. It's $75. What? $75 is not a big problem for Justin Bieber.

Whoa. Ageless RX. They don't just hand out names like that. What is that? Exactly. I don't know what nad plus is go down to the glowing review from the 39 year old woman what an idiot you're 39 38 you're like these people aren't that old yet like i want to see a fucking user review from a 91-year-old man. What the fuck is it? It's NAD+. What more do you need to know?

Get your syringe, Kyle. Go to How We Work and we're going to learn this. Look at that. Cellular senescence. Both of those are very long words. Kyle, there are three anonymous positive reviews here. What are you waiting for? You think Julie from Little Rock is lying?

Was there really? I don't know. This is very vague about what they're going to do for me. I'm glad they put step four because when I'm learning about a new technology, I really want to focus on the delivery. As in, to my house. What the fuck?

Show me how it works. I don't know what it is. I think it's pills. Apparently, it's pills changing medicine blue chew is like a molecule the case is alive fedex wouldn't deliver just anything it must be okay no they wouldn't they don't deliver drugs and also uh did you guys hear about the vince mcmahon thing no i i heard that he stepped down because of some sort of allegations. Yeah. So it appears that he's been sleeping with some hottie in his organization.

And my understanding is he paid her off and should have had her silence. And he didn't get what he paid for. I really feel like she is guilty of some sort of contract violation. Yeah. Breach of contract. Knowing nothing, you're making some points. I mean, if Vince McMahon can't sleep with his employees, who can he sleep with? I mean, no one else would want to.

It's breach of contract. Yeah, I just. This guy is on the ageless shit yes vince mcmahon 2022 like he's he's like almost 80 he's like he's like only a couple years younger than trump and like look at trump's dog shit body compared to this just trend balone sandwich well he's of yeah vince mcmahon's trying like i feel like it's not that trump doesn't expend a lot of energy right because he'd be look let's admit that he won presence in the united states and he did the job for four years it's a really hard thing to accomplish and to do cool but he's not putting any effort into his body this guy puts effort into his body yeah that looks 76 year old

he should have put his head on straight i don't buy it years ago he was much bigger like he's been on the juice for a long time he was jacked like a decade ago or so dude and he was probably 77 right yeah it's wild he's still alive like usually the people who are juicing that long kind of punch out early is that a good call right like did kyle i'm gonna take this to an extreme right but jesus you are going to be a professional ufc fighter until you're 32 and then i don't know just a celebrity of some sort until you're 55 you live the whole thing rich uh women are throwing their underwear at you until your last day which is 57 and you tip over right do you want to be that guy

or would you rather be this is a little fucking badass and awesome but would you rather be like a certified public accountant who lives a normal life all the way until you know I think the tires at 65 the first line has 15 more years at the first life with the pussy and the steroids right you're ready to be on your final 20 Kyle yeah let's go

my final 10 Taylor you might be wildly over what am I going to do with the extra because what he's like you know living to 57 i'm like you just turned 49 like you're you're at most two presidents away like taylor taylor what do i get for 54 it's up to you it depends what the trade-off is what's it like if you're you're a normal guy gets to 70 it's like your cocks doesn't your cock stops working like what are you gonna do just sit around and watch tetley like vince mcmahon's cock definitely still works yeah take it from me all right

usually the like it seems like the natural progression of interest as you age like by the time you're like 70 all you want to do is spend time with like your grandkids and shit like i don't know what it's what it seems to be i think it's just like time is short and you know they want to spend time with their grandkids but if they if their back didn't hurt and if their dick worked a little better and if women were willing, they'd want to be out slaying pussy at 70. That's what they want to do. You think so? Yes! They don't want to because their T's low.

But this guy The McMan's isn't. The McMan's T is still super physiological. It's still riling pussy. If I make it to 70s, I'm going to start abusing prescription pills. Like, let's do it. All of them.

Fuck it. I'm 70. Like, that's a great time to get addicted to drugs. Like, they'll be like, you're taking all these pills? And I'm like, yeah. Like, how long have you been doing it? Turned 73 months ago, having a blast. And they're like, oh, really?

This is a real. It's like, yeah, this is an intentional decision. All right, months ago having a blast really this is a really it's like yeah this is this is an intentional decision all right i'll have a blast man like enjoy you know in 20 years this is gonna and i'm like ah and they're like oh you like you you're not gonna be here anyway yeah i think like once i get once i hit 80 i'm just gonna start taking heroin because like i i don't want to do it now because i don't want to become a heroin addict for the rest of my life i've got other shit i want to do because that's a long time no you do want a heroin addict for the rest of your life you just want that rest period to be 19 months less yeah so like i've got other shit i need to do and i can't do that if i'm a heroin addict

but like once i'm 80 and i've done everything and i was like fuck it i'm just gonna start taking heroin like why not yeah heroin then you go to prison for your last year. That's where I don't experience everything. Heroin is the one you inject or take or smoke like opium that like melts you. Like the people at the park you see that are just like slumped over like they got shot in like a war reenactment and they can't move. That's the one where I read about it. And they see happiness in every raindrop on the windshield?

Heroin, yep. And you know what? How do they get heroin? From poppies. No, no. How would I get? Have you been to Florida? I have been to Florida.

I bet if you took a shit ton of poppy seeds and made a tea, it would fuck you up. Which is a terrible idea. He clearly has heroin. Here's a picture of people. Yeah, heroin addicts. The guy on the left looks okay. He's got a jawline.

Does heroin help you with your jawline? See, I don't think this is... Zach is like, these are heroin addicts. Show me two attractive people and I'll say these are heroin addicts. But show me two attractive people, and I'll say they're heroin addicts and prove me wrong. Yeah. Well, yeah. These are...

What you've got here is two people who are ugly and sad about it who also happen to do heroin. The thing's... Yeah. I mean, they do heroin because they're ugly. Where are the thriving winner heroin addicts? Look at that.

There you go. So you're looking at people who are addicted to female heroes. Oh. Oh, did he? Who was the actor? Who was the famous actor?

It was fucking amazing. Fucking boom. Who was the famous actor that was a heroin addict? Let me know. Who was that guy charlie sheen yeah but he looked fucked i don't want to look like that he was a winner yeah yeah i thought i think crack meth those were his thing uh yeah heroin that doesn't seem to do anything but destroy your life incredibly rapidly even celebrities even like kurt cobain level millionaires you it you're cashing out yeah but if i'm like if i'm like 80

and i already have all my money and i'm like whatever like i got nothing else to do it's like fuck it but just go do some heroin man may as well why not yeah i'm glad you saw the light at last. Yeah. I just want to try it. At 80, you could probably get it prescribed. So what we're talking about is morphine. Yeah. Yeah. Or some form of pill or something to keep because you're going to hurt like the Dickens. Everywhere is going to hurt when you're 80.

For sure. Yeah, exactly. I know I've told this before, but I find it fascinating. This happened to us and a friend of mine. We were both in the same situation that we were caring for an elder kin. They give you pain meds to administer to this person that you're caring for, terminally ill. And they teach you how to kill them.

They're like, so you know. This is her dose of morphine. This is a fatal dose. Now you know. And it's like, wait, what? Did you just tell me? Whoa.

Yeah. Like, you're pro-euthanasia. Like, as a final, give him a little relief like you just put that card on the table it's not what we did for people wonder but um is it legally in america to do that only in like a couple states i think right like oregon something has it right i don't know i don't know but it happened to like both us and my friend and so damn given that it's two out of two i got the impression it's not uncommon and i've told other people who've done this before and they're like, yeah, yeah. And it's just like, fuck, that's that's a thing that they teach you.

If you're like caring for someone in their final. I mean, that is that is a kindness. Like, oh, yeah, it's like like, what are you going to do? Let this person live three more days in the most excruciating agony you can imagine or like let them let them go in peace it's not what she wanted so it's not what we do that that's what's up but uh uh i i'm just still i don't know i i still process it like mentally like whoa so they just commonly like teach you know here's how you give it an injection here's how you give a lethal injection and i imagine too much morphine is a really pleasant way to go yeah like you're just out i would imagine yeah let me just fall asleep that's

what happened uh you're talking about those those dead actors who is it john john candy didn't he die of heroin chris farley he died of something to do with heroin. Is that how Candy died? I always assumed it was a weight problem. Am I missing up? I know. Don't go by my memory. I think he overdosed. Oh, no. He died of heart failure, but he had some other stuff in him. It's Farley that died with a heroin overdose.

Yeah. There's a horrible picture of him dead with his mouth. Phil Hartman was murdered, right? He was killed by his wife. Yeah. There's a horrible picture of him dead with his mouth. Phil Hartman was murdered, right? He was killed by his wife, yeah. What was the score there? Was she a little crazy? It was something to do with cocaine. I think he wouldn't give her the cocaine she wanted or something like that,

and she killed him because he was Troy McClure. No, I think what you're saying is he kind of had it coming i'm with you i think it was one of those things where she was like don't give me the cocaine and he's like i'm not giving you the cocaine she's like i'm gonna kill you and then she killed him in his sleep he doesn't understand how consent works she revoked the anti-consent now she wants it i'm also probably totally totally misrepresenting really a monster in this situation and kind of a thief and that he didn't give her i will not suffer phil hartman maligning no troy mcclure is a classic oh we were talking about the drug addiction thing and it it made me think I wanted to wait for Kyle to get back because I didn't know if you'd have anything to say.

So it was two and a half over two and a half years ago now that we had Blade on the show. Doesn't seem like it was that long ago, but it was. And every time like he's one of those guys, you know, he'll pop in your head and from time to time. And I kind of just picture like the the dog throwing clip or like a groping. And that's kind of it. And just last night before bed randomly, I'm like, what the hell is Blade up to? And so I pulled up that episode with us and him from like coming up on almost three years ago and then just stopped it like a minute so I could see, you know, still frame point of comparison. And then I went and had to find like his bootleg, like third backup channel that hasn't been banned went and had to find like his bootleg like third backup channel

that hasn't been banned yet and try and find recent streams and i and keep in mind like correct me if my timeline is wrong but at the time we had him on two and a half years ago that story of his untreated diabetes causing lesions in his leg that was old hat that was old news at the time like people knew about that okay thank you Thank you. Kind of come full circle. And it seemed to be improving dramatically. He had gotten a real chicken and spinach. It was, it was working.

He put that spinach salve on. And he, he, he basically, when he was on the show with us, he kind of said like, I'm sick of drinking for money. I'm ready to make a change and shift out of this.

You know, he said that before, obviously like he, he was like, I'm sick of this. I'm tired of it of it and i was just and at the time i remember thinking yeah yeah blade is a really charming guy and i think he's doing what some charming addicts do which is tell you what you want to hear tell you where he is and and lies like it like a charming addict and it's so easy to be like oh thank goodness you know because you like him it's easier to want to believe yeah that someone's taking control and you know he's telling you

everything you want to hear and he's saying it in a friendly way and you're like oh cool this is good news and that's that's how i remember it carry on and i i remember like even at the time because like he'd done some like the the groping, the dog shit. People were fucking over him. And I remember at the time even thinking, I'm like, if he has a redemption path, it's going to be him getting super serious about sobriety. And then him using his experience as an addict beat toy to be like, hey, I know humiliation. So if you're out there struggling with something like don't feel alone look at this like look where I was and like in my head I was like that's like the only true way he can come back from it

and at the time I was like there's still a chance for this like I looked up no I don't have 45 seconds sorry Zach but it don't pull any up in case he doesn't like us saying this but I went and I found some clips of him recently and I know we said like years ago like dude, dude, you're killing yourself with this.

Like, you got to change. He's like. But then we were talking about a slower decline of like alcoholics, alcohol, alcoholism, death. He's in free fall right now. Like he's he's he's dying. Like he if you know. Lady die from the opiate anthony show he is she was a drunkard uh whack pack kind of person for the opiate anthony show and the exact fucking pattern that happened with lady die

as far as body shape everything happening with blade about like not the same time frame and everything but so she had this thing and i learned about it from the opiate anthony show because they had a doctor call in to like tell lady die like hey you have what's called ascites and blade very clearly has this same thing called ascites too and what that is is when you you drink so much and like your liver is no longer able to process all the toxic shit that it's meant to process and so it starts weeping fluid out into your body cavity and so that's why they get those giant bellies it's being filled with fluid from a weeping liver and his his musculature is gone like not like thin like he's gone there i saw a short clip of him attempting to sit up from a laying position it took him 30 seconds not because he was drunk

because his muscles are gone like they're atrophying it's like he's it's he is dying quickly like if he doesn't make a change yesterday like fucking now he'll be dead in the next couple years like it's he's in free fall like you can see like literally the lady die had an internship in 2014 or 2013 with ONA. And she had that ascites and everything. And she was she was starting for her mind to get wonky with Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, which is wet brain when you're deficient on thiamine. But the doctor on ONA explained it really well. I'm not doubting you.

I'm like, yeah, wet brain is funny, though. Yeah. Yeah, but basically the guy was like, when you drink all that time, like Blade is or like Lady Di was, what it does is it makes your organs swell. And then when you have ascites like that, all this fluid is getting pushed into the body cavity. And what that does is it makes it so his stomach has pressure on it all the time. And so he's not eating at all. All of his calories are coming from liquor and so you can like see his mind deteriorating now because he just doesn't have the b vitamins requisite for making your fucking mind work correctly like he is and literally within a year

of that lady die internship like it was a year and a half after that internship she was still with it enough to like know who she was they called her opie and jim did after anthony got fired and she had totally succumbed to uh warnicky korsakoff syndrome she didn't know who she was she was in a assisted living center but she thought she was in the navy because she was in the navy 25 years ago she was talking about how she was on a ship and where she was docked and she was just an insane person and like that is where blade is going imminently like he's got to get it like it might it might be fucking too late if if that happens to him if he no longer if he thinks that it's 2009 and it's and he's wanting to play call of duty 4 and knife people can we please please have him on the show every week then i mean i guess though like catching up with blade and just ask about

his latest knife killing spree and then be like oh yeah i know like so i know blade is so hated by so many people rightfully so for a lot of the bullshit he's pulled but like just from the perspective of seeing a guy who in 2010 2011 12 had the world like the world was his oyster he was one of the first huge guys like and over the past eight, nine years, whatever it was like. Look at that. Look what's fucking happened to him. I see all these documentaries about Blade and they focus on his life as a streamer. Someone should make like a real warning documentary, just tracking, not even talking about his streamer bullshit, just saying like this is what happens when a person drinks for 10 years straight and doesn't stop i was trying to find what you're talking about like new footage of him and so i kind of i did some searching

i didn't find anything new but jesus the stuff from two and three years ago is so horrific that the fact that you're saying it's worse now is scaring me because it's like only he's blade vomits up his teeth and i look I'm like wow how have I not heard of that it's us he's wasting he is wasting away oh goodness tasting shot the gray soul I don't know yeah stomach is just

full of fluid like he's I hope aren't all comics full of fluid I'm open to the idea that I'm totally wrong but I watched Zach's clip at his time stamp and i went like two minutes in and basically he pours a double shot and he gives a bjorn update i guess bjorn's out of prison i didn't know he was in prison whatever he's talking in the same way he always did like he's a charming guy there's a reason he has a hundred five hundred thousand

people watching him or whatever it is and he kind kind of has it together, even though he's really drunk. When I'm really drunk, I don't sound that smooth. But he does. And I don't know. I'm just always. It's like he has something there. And it's a charismatic guy. That's why people.

That's why he's so popular. Yeah. And whenever I hear how terrible he is i'm like no he's just some george foreman chicken and spinach diet away from turning this thing around right if i could just control his intake then once you get to that point though it's impossible because like you you just live like that and then that's the solution and then if you drink that much then giving up is really hard because you get like go through detox and shit like that and just fucks you up i think there's a mindset on like what's acceptable right like i was watching this guy's doing a motorcycle review that part's not important but you're talking about getting a bigger bike because he's turning into a bigger guy he's getting fat and he just wants

something that's comfortable for a fat so and something that has power for a fat so cool cool and he's explaining that while he's lost weight before it always comes right back when you're heavy your body like knows how to be fat or something like that and i'm like no it's you you're in a calorie surplus that's's what's happening here. What happens is you restrict yourself for a short term. And then you say, oh, you know what? I'm a guy that eats trail mix. I'm going to bring that back a little bit. Trail mix isn't so bad.

This isn't so bad. This isn't so bad. And when you have that mindset, things that are so bad are part of what you do. Then you get fat again. And I'm pretty sure that applies to the alcohol thing too you know yeah blade is just like yeah sure i stopped drinking for a little bit but i'm a guy who can do a jaeger when uh my my uncle died of uh the what's it what's the syndrome called i forget the name of it that he was talking about before uh that cooks your brain yeah i think that he he died he died of that like a couple of years back and when he uh when he was

drinking so he started sort of going off the rails and he he couldn't really remember anything and he had a an ex-wife and they hadn't been together for like five years and uh she came she had a uh restraining order against him and she came home one day and he was just sitting on her couch because he used to live at this house. And it's five years since they've seen each other. And he's just like, hello, honey. And she's like, what the fuck are you doing in my house? He's just like, what do you mean? And he just thought he'd lived there.

It was just his brain just reverted back to five years ago, and he just basically come to the house, assumed he's forgotten his keys, kicked down the door, came in, sat on the couch, and just started drinking a beer and watching telly. And so they got to. I hope she was receptive. It sounds like he's trying to make amends. Hell no.

He got arrested, so he got to take the job. See, here's the thing. I always felt like if you and I are pals, and then we don't talk for a year and a half, and you see me again, you should be like, Woody, we're friends. Yeah, pick up right where we left off. No, she kicked him out because he drank too much. But he just assumed they were back together,

and so she called the police, and he ended up going to jail for breaching the restraining order. But they didn't diagnose him until he was in jail. And then they were like, oh, it now like he's he's cooked so they put him into like the assisted living kind of thing which eventually he died in there but that was uh that he just his brain just reverted to five years ago and he was he was perfectly nice but he just had no idea what the fuck's going on damn that's sad just not knowing anything about reality I hope Blade like actually does

stop I hope he gets it together one of the clips I watched of him last night like it was literally like apparently he is basically homeless he lives in an RV and the RV broke down excuse me a rolling studio a rolling studio whatever but he was like... Excuse me, a rolling studio. A rolling studio, whatever.

But he was on the side of the road broken down, being like, that doesn't work. I can't. I don't have any money to fix it. I will not sit here while you disparage van life, Taylor. Alright? You wouldn't be involved in this kind of van life. You would open that door and you'd be like, no.

I'm into the adventure side, not the getting so drunk. You dramatically overestimate the quality of the hotels motels and rvs that i stay in yeah you might actually you'd be like oh barely vomit on the floor and it's free like i'll go is there a pillow i can put my broken leg on i really need to elevate this thing uh i don't i don't see any reason why he would improve though right i don't think so either i think it it's if it was gonna happen once once what happened to his fiance having a uh once you're in that like you can't uh you can't go back in because it's like i feel like

shit if i stop drinking and then in your head it's just like that'd be right and then like if you stop then you have no dopamine so you're like oh fuck this is killing me and you're like you know what helps having a drink and then you're dopamine it's like yeah he's in like a feedback loop yeah yeah of the same stuff i mean i think he just likes the drink right at this point i bet he fucking hates it no i guarantee he does it now so when he sees that bottle of jaeger when he sees that big frosty bottle of jaeger so goddamn cold that it's sweating and when you pour it it pours out thick oh that that hits the spot it's so goddamn cold i had a when we were in high, there was an alcoholic who described alcoholism and Kyle's kind of nailing

it. Like he, he's like, you don't drink, you don't drink, you don't drink. Then you try just one. You're just going to have one. He's like, when that warmth hits your chest and that taste of your favorite drink crosses your gullet, it's just like, Oh my friend, we're home. You and I were back. And something about the way he phrased it you could like this is a guy who loves drinking and he's like that's why you can't have even one you can't have even one drink because it's just you're oh yes you and i we're friends but jaeger's not your friend.

Well, the human body is a very resilient thing. If you want to take an over and under on Blade's mortality, I'm down. Like I said, I'm in a bad mood. I think the man's got several more good ones in him. You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would put the over under on with three years. Three years. I'd take the over.

I'll do some more medical research and then I will come back with my estimate. I'm taking the over three years. You take it or leave it. I need to look up. I need to find facts. See what's more likely. Does he know where he is at all times?

Not at all times. Sometimes he's in a drunken sleep. Not when he's completely fucking wasted. Honestly, think about it. When he's asleep, he has no idea where he is. When he's awake, he's drunk. I'd give him another 10. Leeches just linger.

You're taking me over. Yeah, heaps of motherfuckers like that just live forever. Because leeches just linger. So you're taking me over? Yeah. Heaps of motherfuckers like that just live forever. They're just resilient to shit. I don't know why. They just hang out, man. He's already lived. I hope he's got forever with forgiveness behavior.

Oh, yeah. He'll live forever. We all will. Jesus Christ. They just seem to linger. You know how spiteful motherfuckers just live until they're like i mean i like blade too like blade's always been a really nice guy but blade has a serious disease and and and and you know he doesn't need us harping on and be like oh

why don't you stop hurting yourself like i think he likes himself more than we do you know he's not gonna stop unless he wants to stop. He doesn't want to stop. He's having fun. Yeah, I doubt it. I doubt he's having fun. He's having the most fun that he knows how to have. There's no way he's miserable. If there was anything of quality, he'd be from sun to sundown.

He's having the most fun he knows how to have. I guarantee it. It's hard to argue. I don't know. Maybe you're right. He's qualified to argue. If you want to have more money, Wood! Yeah. I don't know. Maybe you're right. He's qualified it in a clever way. I have no retort. But anyway, looking at that stuff last night,

I was like, oh, wow. It appears it's accelerated a shit ton in the past couple years. Well, that's a shame. Still taking the over. Best of luck to Blade. Hope he turns the ship around, writes the whatever they say, and, you know, lives forever. Lives forever. We can all live forever.

Yeah. Who was that, like, the crippled 300 guy? Be like, may you live forever. Ephialtes. Ephialtes. Remember his name? He said, may you live forever.

Ephialtes. And he looks up all, may you live forever. And when he says that, the shame that is cast upon Ephialtes' twisted face, he just goes, he cowers and shudders with shame and disgrace.

It's a good moment. And he was a piece of shit. He could have just carried the water for everybody in the back, been a good moment and he was a piece of shit he could have just carried the water for everybody in the back been a good support helper for the war no not good enough for him like and he should have known he was being made fun of the second he goes into xerxes tent they're making fun of him they're putting dunce caps on him putting champions hat they were making fun of him that was fancy cap, and they hooked him up with that goat. I can't believe you didn't catch that. Look, they hooked him up with some pussy,

some Persian pussy at that. Yeah, one-armed. How many arms does the man need? He needs one pussy. That's all he cares about. And let me say this about Leonidas. He fucked himself, okay? Ephialtes was like, Leonidas, I was a barn spotter.

I have trained with sword and spear and shield i've made them one with my body let me fight with you with honor to the death for sparta and he's just like nah we fight in like a real tight formation never break information once and then the fucking music kicks in and everything goes slow-mo and everybody's breaking formation and running headlong into the enemies and you could just imagine if they had Ephialtes out there with his strong ass spear and his big shield

that would have ruined the aesthetic oh come on what he meant was nah you look fucking weird bro get out of here you are wrong Leonidas you are wrong why didn't they just put him why didn't they just put him with the other dudes like the arcadians and just be like he protected the mountain he was like what he meant was dude we're all nines and tens at least okay you're rolling up with your two out

of ten looking ass by the way no one doesn't exist they're dead people that are rotting you are a two no you can't roll with me and my boys. That's what he meant. He meant that you're too ugly to hang with us. Did you think that was justified? No! We're going to war for fighting for freedom and democracy. I think they should have just sent him out the front as fodder.

Really? You're right. I'm with Slush on that. He did fuck it up. He could have not made an enemy, which is always a did fuck it up he could have not made an enemy which is always a good policy and he could have just sent him in front what if he worst case scenario now that guy's not there bothering him they doesn't give away their position best case scenario he takes a couple with him he's got that giant arrow absorbing back that guy was like spartan he was like discarded and they're like yeah yeah we just discard the week and then this guy is so strong that he uh got discarded as an infant and then somehow survived like this dude's still on

the breast and he's been discarded like what's he eating like that guy his uh his family fled sparta to avoid the discarding of him apparently a lot of like that colorful cool sparta stuff that i was taught in high school by a high school teacher is fantasy and it's hard to say how much of how they lived and the way we've uh heard it a lot of it comes from uh herodotus uh wrote a book called the histories and it was like 300 years after all this happened and he just made shit up but like some of the lines in the movie like the ones where they're like we'll fight in the shade like that's actually in herodotus's book but this dude also talked about like uh like black people from africa having black jizz and like flying snakes and shit in africa like this dude was

fucking high being a historian from you've never had a snake fall out of a tree on you yeah this guy was full of shit yeah i mean you're right that That was bad leadership from Leonidas because Ethielte's made it very clear when he did the whole, you are wrong, Leonidas. You're wrong. He said it in a way that's like,

this guy's not going to go home, man. He's staying at the back. Whether or not he's on your team. Leonidas should have been like, you know that cripple back there? Yes, sir. Seemed like he was very conniving and angry with me

when I told him he couldn't fight. How about you and the boys go round him up and stab him full of holes? We will meet them here. What kind of bit of sport it'll be? Does anybody know how to get through the hot gates through these back channels? No one save the enemy I just made.

You're not much of a tactician, man know what like and and really like leonidas that was pretty bullshit when all those other guys showed up and he's like what are you he's like my potter he's like what are you i can read and he's like spartans what are you and they're like warriors and it's like like the guys from the other city, whatever it was, fucking Athens or they should have been like, fuck you. How about, how about you plan your own battle? You can't read.

You don't know how to gather resources. How does supply lines work? Oh, that's right. We're carrying it all. Fuck you. I'm going to actually use something else. I learned when learning to read called diplomacy and go over there and I'm

going to tell them how to get around you like that. That's what they should have done. You know, you know, the way spartan economy actually worked is they had this this slave class that called serfs and they kept them in such terror because the numbers were way out of whack there were way too many serfs for every spartan so they kept them in terror part of the training supposedly what i was taught in high school was well a spartan lad you know would have to sneak into the surf camp wherever they lived and just fucking murder one of them and get out like that was they used to they used to do this process called decimation where like every year they go and kill one in ten of them and so they just they

just kill yeah like ten percent of their population every year. But apparently they only ever got beaten by one army, and the army was from a foreign nation that they made up an entire legion of dudes that were gay lovers, and they wouldn't retreat

because they were like, they don't want to leave their lover behind, so they were like impossibly strong warriors because they just never routed that's the spartans though that's they lived not other than these guys fought against the spot these guys fought against the spartans and beat them apparently i can believe that the spartans whole thing was that that the soldiers were all gay lovers and it's one of the reasons why like there weren't enough spartans because you didn't live with your wife. You just visited her occasionally. And I mean very occasionally.

You lived in the barracks with your boys and you were banging them. Yeah, as long as you're getting laid a lot. A lot! And everybody's fit and sweaty and it's grease so everybody's lubed up. Yeah. The Thebe and Tommy. Man! They've all got great skin just olive oil skin yeah they've just coated themselves

i've already had three dick baths in olive oil today but hit me with it boys before they like fought at the hot gates they apparently like spent a bunch of time like braiding each other's hair and putting flowers in it and shit like that like this is all like written down in the in the history of this battle like they just like put your hair up before a battle yeah yeah you gotta look good yeah i don't know how true this is but i read this about like so apparently some of that like oh the spartans they're all just fucking young boys their whole army are boy fuckers apparently part of that was an athenian author like writing shit like uh like propaganda about sparta like they were still like chill with gay stuff for the most part but

apparently like they took it and like the way like a news source would be they'd be like the athentimes those spartans we hate they're worse than ever guess what they're all fucking little boys and everybody's like what no they're like they're not even waiting until they're nine these savages

like taking the little boys that we want to fuck damn it but i don't know because i read that from some fucking website on the internet and then I see other stuff that's like no they were they were just banging out little boys just regularly absolutely practicing

on them because they you know they had to get their no no you don't want to fuck before battle you do want to fuck before battle Ronda Rousey said that it raises your t level so she'd always get laid before a fight yeah that's only if you're a woman though is it i don't know i don't know they always talk about that like football players sleeping on

the couch for a week before playoffs and shit like that because they want to like get their testosterone levels up i wonder if that actually actually works. That doesn't make sense. Massive virgins would then be just hulking humans because they just never fuck. Maybe it's because they just beat off all the time. How much is it raising your testosterone? And to what end? To be better at fighting?

No, not better. What is a momentary boost in testosterone this week going to do for me? It gives you aggression like buffalo meat. Does it make you aggressive, Kyle? I had elk chili yesterday. I didn't feel aggressive at all.

What did you have? Oak chili? Elk chili. Elk chili? He's terrible. I just don't think it matters if your testosterone levels momentarily go up during an event or something like that. You need your testosterone levels to be high for weeks and weeks and weeks. Right.

And reaping the advantages of that testosterone, I guess, for muscle recovery and grow. But high testosterone isn't going to help me at all in an athletic pursuit it would be psychological level itself like if you were about to go into the battle and like the the ruling uh you know knowledge in your army was like everybody don't fucking have sex for a week before you would get amped up enough like with the surrounding everybody else believing it that you'd be like yeah i am amped i do i can't feel a difference like this is coming from i remember kyle you know this movie right yeah yeah yeah susan sarandon with those bug eyes and they say look if this guy thinks wearing women's underwear is making him pitch better

then wearing women's underwear is making him pitch better i remember there was this tribe that would wrap these wet leather sinew things around their testicles the night before battle while they danced around the fire drinking this psychedelic mushroom tea and then on the morning of the battle the the sinew would have drawn up and tightened so they were so they're excruciating agony and screaming almost and they're also insane from the psychedelics and And then they go just raging into battle. I'm going to guess that they got their asses handed to them every time. It didn't go well. It turns out voluntarily harming yourself and limiting your mobility, bad move. Well, they're hardcore, though.

Yeah. I can't imagine having bound testicles would help me do anything. No, it makes sense. I'd be fucking cranky. You need to be cranky if you're going to battle. I'm not going to war i'm in a bad mood like i don't want to work today my balls hurt you know sometimes you just have those days slush what are you up to is anything new have you you sometimes tap into me we talk about fitness how's that going uh yeah not bad i've. I've been playing golf a lot, and it's been good. Lots of outdoor walking around, but now it's winter.

It's been kind of fucking pissing with rain constantly, so I haven't been able to play. But I'm not really into golf for a little while, and I'm still sort of into it, just waiting for the weather to get better. I'll probably start playing again in the next couple of weeks. But it's been fun. That game is infinitely frustrating. So I'm curious what it is you're into about golf.

Now, hear me out. Are you into being outside, walking in a beautiful environment, enjoying weather, playing with friends? Are you into hitting the ball as few times as you can, like literally golf? What is it about golf that appeals you? hitting the ball as few times as you can like literally golf like what is it about golf that appeals you uh i i sort of like the the idea of like improving upon how i played last time like it's it's like this challenge that i want to i want to try and get better i'm on this quest to like fucking rule at golf i'm like i'm not an athletic guy and i'm not young like i'm not going to be playing on the fucking tour or some shit like that but like i every time you could be better yeah yeah and that's the thing about golf right so so like i don't think you need to be

traditionally athletic to be ace at golf like you just need to be athletic enough that when you walk from one hole to the next you're not winded if you can do that then that's as athletic i think as you need to be obviously got to strike the ball to strike the ball. But the striking, you don't need a lot of power behind it. It's about positioning that power into the right technique. If I try and hit a driver as far as I can, I'll hit it like shit. But if I hit a driver really true and smooth, then it'll go fucking ages. It's more about, I don't know, ballet.

It's trying to get this perfect movement down or some shit like that but it's like it it feels really good when you hit one like when you hit strike something really true and it goes exactly where you want it to it feels fucking fantastic i think that i i wish that i had tried to learn that sport at some point i think i'm not interested you can pick up any time though like yeah i'm not interested now i don't care i don't care enough to to get into it but it might have been fun to like do in high school because we had a we had a um golf team in high school oh yeah i didn't expect i just uh i go with friends and just uh like we just walk around and talk shit and just uh get out and get out and do something that's uh not you know i don't really enjoy going to the gym that much because like i

just go there and i'm just like i'm running yeah it's it's like it feels like it's not a it's boring super enjoyable like it gets boring very quickly but if i'm out golfing it's like i'm doing something fun with friends and i'm just talking shit and then on the side i'm getting exercise as well so it's like a bonus you know did you play golf before this at all or just something new you picked up uh i used to play when i was younger and it's weird i uh i had my golf clubs in the back of a car and my car got stolen and burnt out and so i lost my golf clubs and i was like i'm gonna buy another pair and then it started working more and stuff so i was like yeah now i'm now i'm sort of like i got a heap of free time i can work whenever i want i'm like fuck it i'll take it back out are you like uh do you like know your handicap and stuff like you're that oh and everything no no i'm not that into it i just play

for fun i just uh it's so frustrating have a lot like it's because i know so much what i want to do but but it is so fucking hard to make the ball go where like if like i get like people shitting on golf sometimes like oh you're just walking around it's like yeah give it a go try show me how fucking easy it is it is so goddamn hard to be good yeah it's it's rough they it the difference between a good shot and a really fucking bad shot is very little like you you one little fuck up like if you hit the toe of the club it would just go like a hundred feet further than what you wanted you just fight and that's like oh that's in the water that's another four dollars down the train for a fucking ball

i've lost five today already i'm losing my fucking mind i never got into golf but i got into going the driving course for a little bit i had a friend who was so we do that and i was a little frustrated how much better people were than me right so i'm new of course i suck but like i can suck at basketball and still be way better than some 67 year old overweight grandfather but not at golf these guys are smoking me that's golf it's all about like uh the the sort of patience of it but yeah it's not about power which is uh which it's like i when i sort of got back into it i was like yeah i'm strong i can hit this fucking ball for ages and then i uh i went to a driving range and there's this motherfucker

there who's like would have weighed like fucking 80 pounds fucking dripping wet and he's just smoking the ball like they feel they sound like they're gonna split in half when he's hitting them i'm like you motherfucker like this dude is tiny like he's using like women's clubs and hitting it like 350 meters i'm like i can't even get like 250 man i'm not a golfer but decision making is part of it right and i would have thought okay make risky decisions today you'll develop that skill set. And then tomorrow that decision won't be so risky for you. Apparently that's not the move. Apparently you make the shot that you're capable of making and stop there.

That the risk you call. You have to practice your different kinds of shots and stuff. Like you're chipping onto the green and stuff like that. That shit's really hard if you don't practice it. If're like oh i'm just gonna hit this up in the air and land it like on the green over a bunker but for a player that's like not as experienced like you just just like tap it along the ground or like put it along there put it on the rough you know you know it never made sense to me often in movies and games even just in media golf club golf clubs are depicted as good melee weapons

and there's no hell no like i think as soon as you if you block that thing it just breaks on your arm it bends over and now they've got a little stick of aluminum but the head breaks right off you can't you might have the head you might have the better weapon now you're in trouble i'm gonna poke you with a sharpener i'm pretty sure like if you hit someone in the head with an iron like oh if you make contact with the head fuck an iron like a tree hit it would fuck their shit up but it's like a one use weapon it's like a blunt axe if you use it like that

I've only seen one instance on the internet two of a baseball bat being used effectively as a weapon one is when those street hooligans are like fucking with the guy's car as he drives past and he's like alright he like hops out of the car grabs the bat goes back there and like deals three good ass

whoopings in a row and then gets back in the car and speeds off and then of course the other one white trash white chicks oh the king is great yeah there's this one where these two white trash white chicks are fighting in a bat and i don't know at night in an alley or something and every time she hits this chick with the aluminum bat it goes ping and she is she is fucking her up hitting her in the head with it and like in like bones and elbows with it and the lady keeps coming it's so good that's like a good like a good audio feedback like getting a headshot on rust it's like yeah yeah i really like that i'm gonna give it this bitch damn i mean so you think that's the only times you've seen i feel like a baseball bat's a pretty

natural weapon i think that movies and tv kind of make us think that but but anytime i see someone actually use one they're so timid about using it. If you're going to have a fight with a club with an unarmed opponent, don't think this is going to be about you like, hey, stay away. I have a bat. If they want you, they're going to keep coming. You're going to have to club them. Nobody seems willing to actually do the clubbing. They think that he'd never attack me.

I have a bat. And the guy's like, soon I'll have that bat. With the bat up close, once they're in your personal space within arm's length it's quite hard to swing i think i'd rather go like a claw hammer like because even if someone's on top of you they wrap you up you can still hit him with a claw hammer like that's that's my go like i'll go that like home defense without firearms in australia because if you shoot someone that comes in your house they'll freaking out and charge you for murder i'll go i'll go claw hammer all day like i'm gonna i'm gonna claw hammer on my bed like that motherfucker comes in

yeah we should come here this is like the olympic you know ground zero for hammer fights i was yeah you can throw a hammer too like if you threw a hammer and hit someone in the face that's too risky man you're just you side. You can throw a hammer, too. Like, if you threw a hammer and hit someone in the face, that would fuck this shit up. That's too risky, man. You're potentially giving your opponent a hammer. No, I have a bag of hammers in this situation. I'm like, I'm just keeping it right. Like a tactical vest with hammers, like, strapped all over it.

Yeah, a quiver of hammers. A bandolier of hammers. One of those little rock-chipping hammers, like Andy Dufresne had. Yeah, that's what I beat up kids. Like, if a kid comes, I hit him with a rock-chipping hammer like Andy Dufresne had. That's for beat up kids. If a kid comes, I hit him with the rock chipping hammer. Andy fucked him up with that rock hammer. That would be

a very easy thing to... Actually, no, the rock hammer is a tiny little thing. What's your melee weapon of choice? You're about to have to fight two adult men. Two? You guys are going to have to fight one. You get a melee weapon. Oh. No traditional swords or spears okay this is something that you're gonna have to like get in the day-to-day modern world i want something bladed so that they can't try and like day-to-day world implements i

don't even know where i'd find how about this how about this i do have something it's one of those like long it's almost like a halberd but you use it to like saw down tree limbs oh shit it's got the the yeah and you like pull that rope and you can saw it dangerous i know that it's too long you're gonna you're gonna scratch one guy up and then they're gonna kill you and it's only sharp on one side yeah hold on okay wait wait read it read it read it i gotta think kyle so you said day to day weapon right I have a knife in my pocket almost all the time I have a knife in my pocket right now I think I could choose a knife

I think knife is I don't think I'd go knife because I would carry a weapon that I'm willing to do the time for knife is very easy to accidentally kill someone a hammer it's like I can just go for the that's what makes knives so good yeah but i'm fine you can accidentally kill one of these guys i can i yeah but i don't mind doing

time for jbh like grievous bodily harm you have been kidding me yakuza slush puppy they're leaning on your internet fame for this broadcast and they're making you five men to the death yeah okay oh yeah no i'll take it about legal consequences you're going straight for the fucking jugular then yeah i'll take it off what's something that you could swing quickly that's got some range life is the key no if he's no if he's short what about that like short staff that uh was it donatello did he have the staff oh yeah the quarter step i mean if i'm using that i may as well just like use a shovel like a shovel is a terrible weapon better than a quarter staff i feel like no way i'm not trained in either so i'd like the shovel i can swing the fuck out of a quarter staff but a shovel so unwieldy when it hits it's gonna twist my wrist if i don't hit flat on and i can take a shovel

blast i don't know it's just flat sheet metal. Okay, well, what is a longer ranged weapon that you could find in most people's garage that you think would be better than a shovel? I mean... A Nile gun? I think an axe handle is probably your best bet. I remember there's a scene in... There's this Clint Eastwood movie called...

It's not High Plains Drifter. Doesn't matter, but he beats the shit out of like five guys with an axe handle and then he has this line where he looks at it and says nothing like a good piece of hickory and it's really cool look at look at those the barbed wire pale rider he's really strong we had uh oh yeah my brother had a katana when we uh when we lived in the city and we had a guy break into our house once and he came burning out of his room with the katana and i've never seen a guy shit himself so fast this motherfucker ran he was so fucking afraid of dying it was fucking awesome it's just baby if if i have to, let's just say that we're about to do battle and this lot is sitting

on the table. You get first pick, but he's going second. Oh, fuck. And it's still two on one? Now it's one on one. I think I'll take the machete. Billions of African tribes have proven the effectiveness of it. But if you're going machete,

then you gotta go with the katana. Like, how is The katana seems like a better machete. How is the katana outdone by the machete? It's a little bit unwieldy. If they grab me and get me on the ground and I'm holding the katana. I'm studying the blade. I live the way of the blade.

If the other guy has a melee weapon, I kind of like the shovel. Because I have a ranged melee weapon. Those giant wrenches that you have. You do one of these, right? You're doing the big swing. I will purposefully step in and take that to the side of the head if it means I get to step in

and stab you with a time. Hold on real quick. You lose. You take a shovel to the side of the head. I'm unconscious and he's been skewered. No, you're unconscious imagining a victory, but you're being decapitated by the top of a shovel because Woody goes,

I can't believe this fucker picked a claw hammer. I think I have to go with the katana. Katana's a good weapon. Somehow I overlooked the katana. I think I have to go. Now, at first, when I look, somehow I overlooked the katana. Now, the downside of the katana is none of us know how to use a fucking katana, and if you swing a katana wrong, it just breaks. So, like,

I think even if you hit someone with the blunt end of it and it turned in your hand, it would still fuck them up. Like, if it's sharp. I don't. Yeah. But the thing is, he has one of these other weapons, and it turned in your hand, it would still fuck them up. Like, if it's sharp. I don't. Yeah. But the thing is, he has one of these other weapons, and it's really easy, I think, to use something like that thing on the far right, that bashing implement.

Like, if you're strong, like, big, wide, sweeping swings or maybe just pokes, like, jabs with it would be so scary. Yeah. You have to, like, be like a boss in a video game where you're just going... This is my moveset. I'm about to do my next move. I like the Gurkha knife, too. That could be interesting.

But the claw hammer, that's the one below the battle axe that kind of has an angular blade to it. Oh, okay. But that, again, seems like a worse version. Nobody's going wrenched, though, right? Large or small. No, no one's going wrench. Those are really fucking heavy.

The large wrench struck me as a dangerous range weapon. I just don't know why it would be better than the barbed wire baseball bat. Yeah, the barbed wire baseball bat would be scary. I like the barbed wire in that I feel like you're less inclined to grab the head of it and take it from me. That's why you put a sock on it.

If I grab it, then I why you put a sock on it if they grab it then they sock on it yeah i feel like i'm dealing with an experienced baseball bat fighter do you bring oh the other the other day in uh brisbane over here some dude got uh talking about melee fights with weapons some some guys got in a fight with a another guy a mole and uh cop the cop the knife like directly in the jugular and there's someone someone was filming this on their phone there's like a high-res video of that it's like a group of like three dudes versus two dudes or something and this dude like steps forward and he jabs out with the knife and he cops him just like straight in the throat and it's the most

brutal fucking shit i've ever seen like literally instantly just spraying blood out of his fucking throat and it takes him about five seconds and he just collapses he just like he's dead falls to the floor yeah there's uh yeah there's i mean you probably don't want to watch uh the video on here because it's pretty fucked up but uh i don't want to watch it at all that stuff bums me out it surprised me how quickly someone dies once they're stabbed in the jugular i did not expect someone to fall over within like it was max 10 seconds and he was done what a horrible 10 seconds yeah you can say he like it sprays out of him like instantly and then he clutched his throat and then he just looks really confused and then he takes his hand off and then it just sprays out again and then he just goes down like it's insane i watched uh i watched one of those ukrainian drones drop a mortar into the hatch of a russian tank that was open oh yeah from way up it's like like it's wobbling as it goes and

it goes in a porthole that can't be bigger. It's like enough to get your head up through and look around. It's the size of a womp rat. It's the size of a womp rat. Why do you know that reference? I don't know. I like the family guy episode about Star Wars. That's fair. That's fair.

Wait, what was that movie? I still haven't watched Crimes of the Future. I talked the other day about Everything Everywhere All at Once and how great that was, and I still want to recommend that to anybody. I thought it was good. Yeah, I watched it. It was totally right. Amazing movie.

Super cool premise. It borrows a lot from everything, everywhere, all at once. It has the lady from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, if you remember that, Jim and uh and it also has you remember indiana jones and the temple of doom when he's got that little that little asian kid with him little jet dr jones dr jones that kid grew up and became a good actor so he's in it too and his name's gong gong in the movie his name's gong gong grandpa no no that gong gong is the grandpa. No, no, no.

Gong Gong is the grandpa who is played by that actor who's been in everything, going all the way back in my memory to Big Trouble in Little China, which is another great fucking movie. Yeah. No, I liked it a lot. I cried a couple times, but that's me. I cry at stuff in movies. And it wasn't because it was sad it was because it was fucking cool it was like a triumphant moment it was like it was really cool

um that triumphant that it brought tears it brought tears to my eyes um and like i'll give a small spoiler like like the basic premise basically of the movie like nothing that's gonna happen but essentially there's a multiverse uh situation and this lady is able to tap into the other versions of herself that exist in all those other infinite earths universes and like download their knowledge so if in one reality she became uh like a an mma fighter she's able to download that that ability and now she can fight or if she needs to like anything any ability that any of her other selves may have learned to do so that makes for some cool shit uh lots of kung fu fighting and uh i don't know weird visuals

i would suggest watching it stoned i did it was great every every movie is better stoned it's that about smoking weed all the time is the television just sucks ass now sometimes you get so high like the movie is not as good i remember i got yeah but then you just watch it again it's like absolutely blasted at um django unchained in like 2000 i guess i was in college and like I went and I remember going with buddies and we've been like having a good time all day drinking. And then we smoked a bunch of weed right in the parking lot before we went in. And I remember like going in and watching it.

And I remember leaving with them at the end and like thinking about the movie the next day. And I just kept thinking about the one part where they get to the plantation and DiCaprio's being all funny and like ridiculous up there. next day and i just kept thinking about the one part where they get to the plantation and uh dicaprio's being all funny and like ridiculous up there in his white suit and then a couple weeks later i went back to see it again and i realized i didn't remember a moment of the movie after that because it was that's 20 minutes in so i watched a two and a half hour movie thought i remembered all of it and it wasn't until I went back in.

I'm like, damn, this got pretty real. After the setup, things get moving. But yeah, sometimes you need to not smoke too much. You just, those two out of it. I have been so high that I didn't enjoy. I've been meaning to watch Mandy again, really high. I've got a friend who's never seen it, so I want to watch it with them. And that's one that I think you need to be high to watch

because of all the colors and the music. And that's so fucking weird when it goes animated. Yeah, it's a good movie. One movie that we always used to watch when we were high, but we'd wait until we were, like, gigastoned. Like, couldn't even, like, fucking... You had to, like, actively concentrate on breathing is uh it's called holy mountain and it uh it's the most fucked up visual movie i've ever seen but it's like this really old like art house like fucked

up shit and uh we would always watch it when we were like so fucked that you couldn't actually like most of the time you couldn't actually get through it so we had like good a good 10 runs of watching this movie and every time you'd be like oh now i'm enjoying a different movie it was the same fucking movie but i've watched it 10 times fuck i'll tell you fucking fuck all about it but it was great but it's just every time you watch it it's a new experience because it's just like our tradition when we got to the point of the night where everyone was just so fucked that we couldn't talk anymore or do play xbox anymore we'd be like yeah let's just watch holy mountain again i'll check that out the 1973 version yeah yeah it was it's a weird ass movie this is like this is one scene where it like pans across like these big like aztec pyramids, and then there's a bunch of iguanas

dressed in fucking Mohican headdresses, like real-life iguanas, and it's like a scale model of Aztec temples, and then they just release hundreds of cane toads dressed as Spanish conquistadors, and they start killing the iguanas. It's fucking weird, man. Is there a plot?

Oh, fuck knows. I couldn't plot oh fuck no i couldn't possibly tell you no i couldn't possibly tell you if there was a plot to the movie it's just it's just fucked up like it's just a lot of shit that's going on that's so funny yeah there are some movies like that where you just you watch it too high and it's like a fresh experience speaking of getting high we're gonna give them a couple of wonderful sponsors right now Yeah, there are some movies like that where you just you watch it too high and it's like a fresh experience. Speaking of getting high, we're going to have a couple of wonderful sponsors right now. This episode of P.K.A. is brought to you by BetterHelp. This episode of P.K.A. is brought to you by today's sponsor, BetterHelp.

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like this on purpose because he likes being taken care of and like coddled like maybe jackie is like the best ever and like she's like the best nurse and like super nurturing and and he's gotten addicted to that right but like he got hurt once accidentally and now he just has to get these increasingly risky and riskier hobbies woody needs to call these people and talk about, is there this mental illness he has where he keeps injuring himself to

elicit love from his wife? It's actually not like that at all. I don't like to impose on her. So I bundle up all my requests into one and it's like, all right, I need watermelon. I need whatever the Motrin and my water's empty. And head.

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Zinc Those are suppositories Woody Oh trust me I'm way ahead of you I saw a really awful story today um i i don't even need to read it i i remember it was it was like 70 year old man comes home to find his wife killed by family dog like this guy comes home and his wife is being drugged through the backyard dead by their son's pit bull it has murdered her it has mutilated her body severely

and then the police show up and the dog attacks them so they have to kill it and then the article went on to say that the reason the pit bull was at their house was because the son died two weeks prior in a motorcycle crash so it's been a rough week for that family, you could say. When I read that this morning, I was having my coffee, and I was like, things are going great here compared to there. Holy fucking shit.

Things are going great here compared to there. Things are going great everywhere compared to there. There's people in Ukraine right now. At least my mother wasn't eaten by a dog. Did you hear that story from America about the pit bull? Pretty fucked. We should send them support.

Yeah. I wonder if we can send them law missiles for dogs. Javelin some fucking hellhound. All pitbulls should be javelined. That's rough, man. That's a rough one.

Do you guys know any nice pitbulls? I have known nice pitbulls. Not for a long time, but I've met nice pitbulls. Pitbulls who were just usually female and absolutely loving loving dogs and it made me like i wonder like a dog only has to be fucking crazy for three minutes for it to be a problem 30 seconds for a pitbull yeah yeah and i just like these people that have these loving sweet wonderful pit bulls don't you worry don't you worry that it's gonna go bananas did you feel in the trip did i feel like it's it's how you raise the dog it's like really because that dog that was bred for

generations to point at birds just does it like did i uh did i say one that wants to dig it just digs it's like instinctual now yours is one that wants to fight is uh made to dig they're apparently bred to dig in and kill badgers and that like a dog the badger hound did i know dogs oh what was the other thing about pitbulls i was gonna say did it kill someone else that other than that poor little girl i mean probably it wasn't a little girl it was a 70 year-year-old woman. It was like an old lady. Oh, I thought you said seven. No, 70. It was like a 70-year-old couple. Their son had been killed in a motorcycle crash. You thought a seven-year-old?

I thought the dog killed a seven-year-old. It killed an old lady, unfortunately. Did I say the thing on here last week? It is. That dog knocked tens of months off her life. was spry not enough she was on heroin anyway fuck i don't know if i said it wasn't very spry i don't know if i said it on here or not last week or the week before or not but i had this like thought that came to me that

black guys with pitbulls are like rednecks with big trucks. Did I say that on here? Yeah, you did say that. Yeah, totally. Because I think that guy's got something to prove, right? Like, what do you need that big fucking scary-ass dog for? Like, you're compensated for something. There's a black guy that walks his dog.

I feel like Kyle had an idea that's maybe not as brilliant as he thinks. Oh, it's so brilliant? Oh, it's so brilliant. Oh, it's so brilliant! No, I'm in. Dogs are like trucks. No, it's absolutely it. He's got some. The same little dick redneck

who's like, I'm gonna get a big truck and my boys are gonna be impressed. It's the same thing as the black guy who's like, yeah, look how big his fucking head is. Look at it. He could kill a kid in like a second. Like that even if i look away for a moment your kids can be dead that's how cool i am yeah he'll be a pile of viscera it's gotta hit me like it's the same it's the same shit there's a that guy's not hard at all

there's a black guy in my neighborhood maybe i mentioned this last week too but i saw him again walking his little toy like schnauzer thing. Like a little yappy yappy girl dog. It had a pink ribbon in its hair and the hair was stuck up. I swear to God, it's got pink boots and it walks kind of cute because of the boots. That is adorable. That guy's hard as fucking nails.

I got a guy who's hard as nails. I can't compensate for anything. I have a black friend. He's jacked so strong. stronger than any of us like he's just he was a professional football player you know just super jack and he had a pitbull and a guy's like hey hey i see you got a pitbull you want to fight pitbulls and he's a dog lover and he's like no but maybe you and i should fight. Huh? Maybe you and I should. Are you the kind of guy that fights dogs?

Because I'm the kind of guy that fights people. That's funny. That guy's badass, too. I like that. Yeah. No. And look, that's the kind of guy who could probably control one of those things. What I really hate is when I see like someone who's not physically

capable of reining that dog in uh i i was walking to get pizza um i don't know it's been three months ago or something like that walking from an apartment like to a pizza place nearby and some guy has this terrifying pit bull if he let go of the leash it'd kill me that's what the situation was the dog was like because I walked by and it's it's head is 30% of it's fucking mass it's so god damn big it looks like that enemy from fucking

doom that's just a mouth as Anthony Cumia says that steam shovel jaw that pulls out yeah I fucking hate them I hate their fucking docked ears. I hate those big, wide jowls. They're fucking ugly. I hate those eyes.

On Reddit, there's like two groups. There's the people who call them Velvet Hippos and the people who call them Shitbulls. Wait, they think Velvet Hippo is complimentary? Yeah, that's what they call Pitbulls. What a bunch of retards.

What the fuck? They call them Velvet Hippos. I think it's a separate Velvet Hippos. They know Hipposos are dangerous right it's oh it's like tongue-in-cheek making fun of people who like are like no i think they just think they're big cute smooth gray things um but uh but no i don't i think you should have to have a license to get one and i don't think felons should be allowed to have a pit bull and that's coming from a felon you know that's how we know to take it serious they shouldn't let me have one my uh my friend has a uh a massive rottweiler deadly weapon my friend's got a massive rottweiler and people just avoid him like when they're walking their dog and it is the nicest fucking dog like it it plays with my dog i'm like you've said my dog

he's tiny and he just runs around and plays all day never had a violent moment but people like cross the road when they're walking their dog near him because they're just terrified of it they're like oh yeah i do that with my little dogs like if they're around and there's like a pit bull or like some big you know german shepherd or something just some any like dog that's like a little more aggressive i'll just pull them to the side yeah because it's like you know i would really prefer that person be like oh they don't know that trixie's a sweetie and it's got like a fucking kid's fingernail in its teeth but in reality it's like i i'd rather you be offended i'm like all it takes is that dog snapping for two two tenths of a second crush your

little and teddy is dead like that's all it would take and it's not worth it one thing that i hate when i'm when i'm walking my dog is people that have their dog and they they don't have recall on their dog if their dog's really nice they're just like oh it's fine he can walk off the leash but if they won't come back like if i'm walking a dog that's dangerous and that dog just runs up yeah fine that dog's not a leash but my dog might be dangerous to other dogs yeah like if they can't recall it that dog's fucked and then that's apparently my dog's fault like what's not gonna happen with my dog because he's like a fucking football but you know it's a yeah it could happen if you have a bigger dog so it's yeah

and i love pretty much all dogs trust me we don't walk them so you're fine you just let them run around in the fucking 10 acre yard we have an electric fence and they're like they know exactly what's up now so they go out there and gallop they moved but i was just joking but we don't walk them they never leave the property i was like i don't know why i guess i was in the mood to like read something depressing but i started reading about like the animals with the lowest lifespans and the burmese mountain dog only lives to like five and a half and that made me sad but then i got more into it and i was like well what's the shortest living thing ever from like birth to death it's a mayfly wow and they don't even evolve like

apparently they're like the oldest species out there so their approach to like uh rapid propagating the species is working very well but they don't they live less than 24 hours their entire lifespan and they're not evolved for with mouths because they don't live long enough to need food or water like they just live everything they need's already inside like a plug and play thing and then they just die they're one use how did they get extra energy to make like they don't need they don't they're only alive for a day they've got enough to fucking die they've got just enough energy to die what do they lay eggs like sure i guess so i didn't read the whole article yeah the questions about the headline

they have to they have to absorb some kind of energy to be able to make more fucking eggs. They got no mouth. Maybe. What's the oldest living organism? Like a rock lobster? Apparently the oldest vertebrate is the Greenland shark.

I could have told you that one. Those things live for hundreds and hundreds of years. Like four or five hundred years Something like that What do you think the oldest animal is? I'm sorry The oldest or the biggest? In my head they're the same

But I'm listening to what you have to say Is it that fungus forest? There's that growth of fungus In that forest up in the northwest that's gargantuan right and it's a living thing um and i'm sure there's a tree somewhere that tree is what i thought was the oldest the giant sequoias i bet you're right but i yeah there's some old trees but now i don't know how to measure the weight of your yeah the fungi wins for largest and heaviest okay okay in eastern cal California, they have a tree that's

almost 5,000 years old, apparently. Sick. I'm surprised some piece of shit hasn't done anything to it, because that often happens when there's a tree that old. Some scumbag wants to fuck it up for some reason. Damn. USA dominating the oldest tree

rankings globally. Is it all in that same area, like the Sequoias? Pretty much all Sierra Nevada, California. I've never been and seen that. I want to. You know, USA's got some good stuff. As an American, you assume that the Alps are the coolest mountain range. Maybe this happens to me.

You assume that New Zealand has the greatest fields, and you assume that this other place is other places, other places where all the cool shit happens. Actually, our high deserts are pretty neat. The Rocky mountains, quality range, grand Canyon.

I don't think anyone else has anything like it. Like we've got some good stuff here too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Rocky mountains are pretty lame. I think they're kind of,

I've heard them described as like round mud mountains. Uh, I don't think they look as cool as like the Himalayas and stuff. It's all those gigantic rock peaks that just go on forever. I don't know. I think of like the white birch trees or aspen trees or something in the Rocky Mountains. They're like, you would think that earth didn't offer this, you know, white trees everywhere. Like this is really cool.

Rocky Mountain has really great fresh water running. Like it's got some good stuff. It's true i like it here remarkable mountain range in new zealand is is pretty tops that's it that's like a classic like is that where mordor is right oh it was a lot of like the background shit for like uh the not mordor but i mean mordor was filmed there i think it's like a specific mountain but there's like this was like the background when they're crossing over the over the top of moria like that kind of stuff that's like the background stuff for that and that's like one of those classic mountain ranges where it's like that's fucking mountain that looks like really nice that's uh that one's pretty fucking beautiful you know like you look at that quality mountain yeah i want to watch lord

of the rings again i want to walk across that mountain you think so yeah with the see that peak right in the middle that looks like where frodo dropped the ring that's where you would get to except then they would be like with legolas on his light foot and then gandalf would be asking frodo like let the ring barrel decide and then frodo's like we will go through the mines and then they go through man what a great i'm gonna watch that like right after this i'll see you like that movie love it absolutely you know what i found when i was when i was a fucking disparage lord of the rings i'm not about to i love it but like i i was searching for shit downstairs i played the trading card game i've got them in there i'm a loser and like i've got all those those cards and everything but lord of the rings i found

all my extended edition dvds in storage so i pulled those out i thought i'd lost those years ago so that's that was quite the find i've still got them they're right behind me uh over there nice you got a bunch of good stuff behind you is that the flag is that the uh let's say yeah the australian flag from the simpsons so it's sort of hanging up when it hangs off it has like the stars on it people keep telling me it looks like the kosovo flag with like a uh with like an ass on it i'm like yeah i'm making fun of kosovo but uh i mean this is a golem and uh fucking schmeagle there and uh there's a uh uruk-hai over there and then a map of Middle Earth.

I'm obsessed with Lord of the Rings. I fucking love that shit. You need to hang out. That's good. I'm obviously watching Lord of the Rings, man. There's a couple of big head boys that want to talk about Lord of the Rings. When I went to New Zealand, I talked to my wife and I'm like, I want to go to New Zealand.

She's like, yeah, okay. So we drove from the top of New Zealand up uh whatever the fuck it's called um and then down all the way to the bottom to queenstown and um we we did a road trip but we basically just planned the entire thing around lord of the ring shit so like up the top you've got like hobbiton and stuff like that and then we went from basically like all across the country just looking at at lord of the rings filming locations and so we had this guidebook and we're like yeah let's use we use this guidebook we went to places where they were like you should go here and i'm like oh yeah this is where the thing happened and then i i was walking past a rock and i'm like oh this is where

uh sam and frodo when they go into mortar and they're hiding and they're dressed in the orc armor are sitting and my was like, that's not in the guidebook. And I open up the scene in the fucking movie and I hold it up and I'm like, yeah, it's right fucking there. And I'm like, I know more than the fucking guidebook. And of course, you know, that was like,

so you found like Minas Morgul where they climb up before they get to Shelob's Lair. Okay. Wow, that guy didn't know his shit at all. Nah, nah, fuck that guy up. Stupid guide a book author yeah yeah that would be so much did is hobbiton did they upkeep it still oh is it all immaculate that's awesome so yeah it's like it looks exactly the same as it did in the movies there's nothing else like that there's like you can't go and visit the town from back to the future like you know what i mean like that's so cool that it's become you can you can go there and have like lunch at the fucking at the green dragon like we went there and had like drank

pints and ate lunch at the green dragon and you can't see hogwarts yeah oh yeah you can see i've been to hogwarts as well my wife loves uh fucking harry potter so i've been to that but the uh yeah hobbiton is way better than those like you can go there on christmas day and have christmas lunch at hobbiton that's sick that's awesome and they have the the green dragon right there you can go in yeah that's they even have like their own beer that they brew i've got i've got a bottle of it sitting over there i've drank it but it's like we have like a green dragon beer that would be like the coolest version of like what would be like that's what i would want disneyland to be just a lord of the rings themed and you're just going to like and they've kept up with like all the cities and so it's like here's

the set from oscilius and minas tirith and fucking all these other places that would be so neat so a lot of the stuff they took away so they're like yeah we'll build this and then like take it away but yeah the hobbit's and it's like a full tourist attraction like there's shit loads of cool stuff on it so okay yeah i like it such good movies i need to watch another fantasy movie and get into it i i liked dune enough i'll watch the i'm in for the dune series i liked it it it it titillated me i didn't you know there was some stuff that you know it remains to be seen but you enjoyed the shots of spaceships and landscapes i liked how imaginary ships were it was a bit like uh it's it was more like uh every shot in that film was just like a uh uh really thought out like artwork but

then it's like we get some story you know like there was most of it was just like a visual aid i liked it it's part one of book one i like it yeah it took someone to explain to me what i was supposed to get from these scenes. Like, I was bored. And I'm like, why does it take 90 seconds to do a scrolling unveiling of some ship? All right. And he's like, no, no, no. You're supposed to understand, like, these are the limitations in the tech.

And this is where the tech has evolved to. This is this family's position of authority and power and wealth. And like, right. I get it. I guess you were supposed to infer a lot from these unspoken landscapes i think that like the books are just almost impossible to transfer into a movie like if you've ever read the books like most of it is like in a dialogue like a monologue running in someone's head like are we having a conversation and it'll be like uh i can tell by the way woody's eye is twitching that he's a fucking master assassin or some shit.

It's all this fucking bullshit that they're talking about in their heads, which is fucking impossible to put into a movie. Yeah, it's weird. That's why you had those moments where Paul will be like, I mustn't move. If I move, I will die. They have these inner monologues that you get to hear spoken, narrated by the author.

I'm talking about the old movie the the og one um i like that one i'm like the only person i think who enjoyed oh no i love that one fucking sting in that card yeah fucking the card into the zone when when like the baron pulls that heart plug out of his like femme boy that that that was so fucking weird uh that whole movie's great yeah yeah i really enjoyed that movie i don't i i understand that it was like a flop at the box office but uh i kind of enjoyed it i was like the biggest movie failure ever i think at the time it had like the biggest budget that's ever been used for a hollywood film by its director like it's a whole yeah and then i we talk about john carpentry i get lost no the first dude movie was that

yeah huh the the one the old one the the old one was staying and i didn't know that patrick stewart's in it um he's got a decent amount of hair in there. He's got the role of that what Momoa has in the new film. Like badass, like trainer guy. They cast Stewart for that? Yeah, this is OG Stewart.

This is like an 85 Stewart. He's a big powerful man. Stewart at 85 is so powerful. 1985. I'm making fun of his age. Yeah, powerful man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuart at 85 is so powerful. I mean, 1985. I'm making fun of his age, yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.

It had a pretty good cast, a pretty all-star cast. It was a massive budget. A $42 million budget, and it only made like 30 million at the box office i want to see crimes of the future i'm just waiting on um them to make it a six dollar rental or whatever because i refuse to pay 25 to rent a movie or buy it whatever they're trying to make me do that's that vigo mortensen movie in the future the the cronenberg film where he's like i don't know like like doing some horrific things to his body as some sort of performance art it looks like it's gonna be fun

where did you watch everything everywhere all at once you mentioned i think yeah i think i saw that it was it's a five bucks probably yeah i think it was five bucks yeah it's worth it it was good i liked it it might be 10 minutes too long but uh i liked it a lot okay it's fucking weird i don't know what i noticed in the uh june movie the new one is like if you if you haven't read the books it's uh it's a pro it you might miss it but like all of the shit in the june books is based on like middle eastern culture so like when he talks about like waging a war on the uh the harkonnens and shit like that yeah he's like yeah we're gonna wage an eternal jihad in the name of the atreides across the universe and all of this shit they just cut all of that out i'm like wow

that's like they americanized the fuck out of that i remember they mentioned a jihad in the first movie the the original movie yeah yeah and they're just like no we can't deal with the shit it's never made that yeah i don't think western audiences want their uh the star of their film to be leading a jihad yeah exactly yeah they're just having we got a bad taste in our mouths about that yeah yeah yeah let's let's really get to like this main character at least he's running around yelling allahu all Allah, Akbar. And you're like, nah, I'm good. Yeah.

I like the idea. I don't know. I'm on board. I know. I know. It's like, we're supposed to hate jihads and all that. I'll,

but I'm open to it. Show me a good one. Yeah. I thought that the books are great, but it's like, you know, I was like, this was written ages ago.

So it wasn't, it was before like ago so it wasn't it was before like 9-11 and shit like that so like people didn't i mean people probably did but when i watch star wars i totally associate the rebels with the middle east like the little underpowered scrappy upstarts going against the empire and winning tell me that's not like you know afghanistan like uh i see it as like the the nazis like versus the nazis sort of thing because like the world trade centers the death star is what you're saying so you're telling me parallels luke skywalker is actually a summer bin laden yeah yeah he flew tell me you don't see whoever's flying that jet that's luke skywalker yeah wow yeah but but but

you see it right it's or han solo i'm not sure maybe both the twin towers were way bigger than one brats man like he didn't need to be as good as Luke Skywalker. He just got that shit. That's true. Instead of lightsabers, they had box cutters. Yeah. It all winds up. You're doing a good job. We got it.

You're right with it. Holy shit. The force is this bomb. I always see them as Nazis because of the way the helmet and shit. You do not want to look at my passport. say them as Nazis because of the way the helmets and shit are thrown to... Do you need to learn how to land? Where we're going, we don't need to land.

They'll be back to the future. Oh, shit. Yeah, wrong baby. Never forget. Technically, shit. Yeah, wrong movie. Yeah. Never forget. Technically, we are remembering. We are honoring those lost souls. I don't know about that. I wouldn't go that far.

Comedy is grief plus time. I was going to ask you, did you damage your bike at all? Or is it pretty decent? It's pretty decent. For people that don't know, an adventure bike is kind of meant to be dropped. It's okay. It's pretty decent. For people that don't know, an adventure bike is kind of meant to be dropped.

It's okay. I ended up ordering $140 worth of new plastic, which had an $80 piece I probably didn't need. But I don't know. There's a balance. Some of the scratches and stuff you see on an adventure bike is adventure bike patina. Look, if you don't have any scratches, you're a fucking pussy who doesn't actually go off road you know if you don't fall do some cooler shit all right but too many scratches and your guy doesn't maintain your bike and i'm like you know what you fall a lot i took the fenders off a long time ago i was like i i actually don't like this one scratch i'm going to spend 80 bucks on the plastic to get it make it new again yeah do you have like full bars on the side of it like those the guards so people

do but the bike that i have is different and can you pull up a ktm 890 adventure r zach ktm 890 adventure r it's unique in that the gas tank is down low and then there's like a factory skid plate around it so it doesn't need it the engine is surrounded by gas tank it does so that that so that the center of gravity is extra low and it rides nice i'm not sure it's super attractive the low gas tank like you see it but the reason i don't need bars is that plastic thing in the bottom center forward uh is what would touch the ground instead of like most bikes where the engine might hit but if you had those it would have held the bike up while it was crushing the fuck out of

your ankle so your leg kind of goes behind that gas tank like there was a little space my leg do you see the circle right in like the middle center yeah yeah yeah that's where my foot lived when it was getting twisted backwards and sliding under the bike. That's rough. What I should have. You go like outwards. So you like, so you,

you leaned and then you put your toe into the ground and then I just dragged it backwards. So, you know, the exact mechanism of injury was a little confusing. There was a lot going on at the same time, but I think that my toe was pointed inwards and backwards under the bike where that circle is in the middle center okay usually like uh you have like people when they fall their toes

pointing outwards and then it sort of gets dragged like back around so i that's possible but when i mentioned how i thought it happened to the i went to see an orthopedic surgeon today. Uh, he concurred like the, the injury I have is consistent with that. So it pointed inwards and backwards. So I'm glad you didn't, uh, get injured more severely.

I didn't fuck it up more. Yeah. I could have had it surgical. I really do like propofol, but I don't like the hardware that lives in me afterwards for a long time. Yeah, that's fair. You could go in, get the drugs and then chicken out of the surgery at the last minute

where were you this morning with these i mean to call them up tell them as soon as he's like fills the iv go you know what i changed my mind i'm backing out wait how much did this cost you how much did this set you back are we talking about like the whole price of the vacation or the injury or like what just the injury so the from from injury beginning like say if you had been further in you would probably would have had to get like a helicopter lift out or something like that so um i would say the two plane tickets i bought two first class plane tickets to get me home. They weren't too bad, but I think they totaled like $1,200.

Another $1,200-ish to ship the bike home. And medically, I have really expensive insurance and we already met our copay. So there's nothing there. That's not too bad then. I know medical stuff in america it's like hey yeah no you uh yeah you broke your toe time to go bankrupt yeah yeah so so because i pay like 30 grand a year in health insurance it's free you should fuck yourself up more often well you think I'm gonna waste it

yeah exactly yeah well I'm glad that all worked out then it's a shame about the trip so I gotta ask when will you reattempt the trip oh yeah so I don't think I can ride the bike for

I can't ride the bike cool for like at least 8 weeks i think that's when i'm like maybe free to get released and uh that puts us into september which starts impacting like which trip like i wanted to do something called the northeast back road discovery route it goes from new york to maine but dude september might be chilly for that trip so there's another one called the cat the kentucky adventure. Maybe I'll do that in September. As far as getting out west again, I don't think

this year. I don't know about that one. You break your leg in Kentucky, you come home with a peg leg. Really? You think I'd get an eye patch too? Medical care. You end up with scurvy for sure. You might get pripofol. and it would just be bourbon.

Half a drink up, boy, it's going to hurt! Well, I'm half a drink up. Sorry, you Lego. Yeah, so those are the things I'm looking at, some closer trails. I don't think the NEBDR might not be this year because it'll be chilly.

It's just a little cold. I mean, there's so many trips, though. I bet there's a thing where you go fucking down all the way to the end of florida and like like what if you rode the southern seaboard is there anything like that like you just you ride you go you stick to the beach and go all the way around so there's something called the scar the south carolina adventure route um okay but uh But generally you want to hit the mountains. That's where the fun is. And some of the places you're describing like Florida

are not that fun. Yeah, I guess I'm thinking of just like a road trip. A fun motorcycle. I've thought about that too. I thought about getting a bagger. A bagger is like, maybe you can imagine like a big Harley with the bags behind you next to the rear

wheel and top case or like a honda goldwing or something like that and just something that's designed to munch 700 000 mile days and it's kind of neat to be like leave your garage this morning and find yourself in louisville or something like that or st louis i would i would not want to ride my bike that far but i would be willing to ride something like like a mad max type vehicle like that like it doesn't what i'm looking for isn't comfort it's just i don't i don't like the idea for danger like i don't know a thousand miles of interstate travel on a bike sounds scary to me like people on the fucking roads it like it's i don't need i don't need them merging into me and killing me uh for something that's not even

that fun which is cruising down the highway oh yeah like i mean i have i have one of those by the way you should get one of those like uh polaris razors there's like 1200 cc like turbo fucking uh atv things they just go cruising in that i've been on one of those uh in texas uh they go incredibly fast uh so so so so fast but but yeah like i would totally drive some kind of a mad max vehicle for some kind of a road trip i like that um god i can't believe i can't think of the name but what's the big famous uh famous british show with the cars top gear okay top gear yeah like i like those challenges i like those challenges when they would do stuff like have a small budget to get a car and then drive from a to b like i would like to do something like that it would be really fun to like tinker with a car and be like aha i found a honda for six hundred

dollars it's only got 200 000 miles they're screwed you know i think that would be that would be fun like i would be i enjoy watching those challenges on top gear like my wife enjoys top gear she's like oh that car show that's so funny because we just watched the like adventure ones where it's like they have four hundred dollars to get from the top of botswana to the bottom or whatever the fuck it is and it's like cars are just the medium they're the entertainment you know it could be about something else it's just dude i don't like that you should do that here i think i'm alone on this island that everyone loves top gear everyone recognizes the charisma of the three hosts and like i get that i get that but watching them take on any

challenge and just being so fake you know like there was one where they had boats okay they crashed that boat into everything you know it is not hard to not hit things in a boat it's wide open wide open you have to aim for shit to hit it with your boat yet they did it and they crashed like whatever 16 times in a row they sink some person's rowboat like you what are these jokers doing but it's like an infomercial where the woman accidentally hits a hammer straight into the wall there was never a nail there that's what top gun is when i watch it i understand but like i like it and then it's like that like punchy british like they're doing jokes like it's not it's not serious you know it's like they're not really stuck in the because you can tell like when they do the challenges where it tries to be more real

like their desert crossing one, where they went a little more real with it, you can tell viscerally that they were fucking miserable, like having a bad time. But then it's just as funny for me watching the ones where it's clearly tongue in cheek, like being silly, like driving across the auto by or whatever. What was the one that they had to drive through the Middle East in supercars or some shit like that?

That was pretty funny. Yeah, they did Syria or something. Yeah yeah they're just like trying to get them down these like fuck dirt roads in like ferraris and shit i like that great idea i can't remember which one of our car guests a while back i was i was saying like what if you made that drive from kiev to fucking like wherever that dunbas region where they need the supplies. You get your stuff like a Jeep loaded down with MREs and ammunition and you've got to like go through the war zone.

That's fun. I like it. That's fun. I want to see you do it in like a chrome or maybe me like a chromed out Lamborghini. I'll be like the fuck. Yeah. You just be like one law rocket. Yeah. They they're not gonna be looking for ice cream trucks we have these uh we have these bikes in australia that's the fucking

most wanted link i've ever seen they're called posty bikes and they're like a uh they're like a little honda uh little honda thing um and they uh here we go they uh they have this challenge every year where people get these uh these bikes so they're like a 125 honda and you buy them from like the australian post this is what people deliver post on uh around the neighborhoods and so the idea is that you buy one of these second hand from the uh from the australia post and then you have to ride it from like the top of aust of Australia to the bottom of Australia. And it's like a fucking full on overland track. And all these old motherfuckers do it with these like old bikes.

And it's like, I think it's like a week of just riding this thing through the desert. That doesn't sound fun at all. Dude, I love that bike. I've never even ridden one. I've seen them in real life, though they're legendary in like the motorcycle world it's a they were the honda c90 and then i think there was a c something else in between and now it's a 125 and it's yeah they're not fast they're super light they're easy to ride yeah that kick ass luggage in the back hold stuff oh yeah you used to be able to buy these for like nothing because they

just sell the used ones and so a lot of people that own farms and stuff would just buy these for their kids so when we were growing up we had like shit loads of these and you just basically thrash the ever-living shit out of it until it died and they just either get a new one or just strip a previous one for the parts and so you're just constantly like trying to keep this fucked black man. Where is that thing? I don't know. It's in US dollars. If it's in Atlanta, I'm buying it. Where's it at?

He highlighted it, but I can't read it. Oh, B-A. Thailand. Of course. The shipping from Thailand is $4,000. You should do a challenge like that. It's probably like cheaper ones in America,

but you just get like the crappiest black possible and they just try to take it across some track just to have a challenge. None of our postmen deliver on bikes. They have those like ugly box trucks that were all made in like 1988 and they're all somehow still running and they don't i don't think you can buy those i've never seen someone driving one i admire that about the post office everyone rips on the post

office and how like they don't make enough money or something their trucks are from 1982 right they're not wasting money they don't have any air conditioning like those guys don't look like they're living an extravagant mail delivery life are people mad at the post office like i would be mad because it's like hey you didn't give me my shit like it was late it did arrive damage like that's justified but but the cars are too nice i honestly don't know why it's a party line thing republicans hate the post office democrats think it's fine i'm beyond that i don't understand what's up as long as you go to the post office at times as long as it's not busy when you go it's usually pretty fine if it's busy it can be a fucking nightmare it takes forever it's the same as like buildings yeah it's the same as like every uh government structure though like the republicans want to just ride it into the ground until it's fucked

and then they'll just sell it off to private industry. That's how Russian oligarchs became Russian oligarchs. The super rich Russians... What happened is they hired this economist they wanted to turn their economy around and they started selling off parts of businesses. Russians used to be

everything was state owned and they're like, alright, here's our version of Starbucks. We sell to be everything was state-owned. And they're like, all right, here's our version of Starbucks. We sell fucking muffins. You can buy it for $80 million. This is a business that should have gone for like $1.2 billion. Some guy buys it for $80 million, and now he's a super

wealthy Russian oligarch. The petroleum, whatever. Russia sold off its state-owned businesses. the oligarchs got super duper rich and i feel like republicans want to do that here like someone buy the already like your health system is already sold off like they're in the process of doing that in australia as well oh yeah you just do that too that's how they profit our shit because they just underfund it and then they're like oh it's fucked and then they're like well if we sell it to a private business then it'll be good and then

the private business scoops it up for fuck all and it's usually one of their mates so it happens we've got this great bidder who knows exactly how to run this and he's my best friend from did you know that this congressman's nephew happens to be the expert? Yeah. We got a lot of nuclear technicians and engineers as the step sons of fucking politicians, apparently. Yeah. I didn't know people were that mad

at the post office. As long as they don't break my shit, I got no qualms with them. I kind of have no issues with the post office either. And I used to root for FedEx all the time because I had their stock. I got to admit, I feel like UPS is doing better. I had a political question. Okay.

So, Woody, you wouldn't vote for Donald Trump, right? The Democrat would have to be pretty bad. That was going to be my question, actually. But the question is, what would it take for you to vote for Donald Trump this time? And Taylor, I couldn't think of your most hated person, but what would it take for you to vote for Hillary Clinton this time? And this isn't something that their rival has to do. I feel like, I don't think it's a cop-out, but it's not what I'm looking for. What does Donald Trump have to do to earn Woody's vote?

And what does Hillary Clinton have to do to earn Taylor's vote? She's just not very funny, man. What if she became a prop comic? No. If she started busting out some... If she went up there and hammered out a real good Trump and had some lines, some bits... bits no even picturing her tell a joke it's unsettling i bet if she styled her hair like his like true would look close it would be funny

if she came out like she that would be endearing to me if she put on the makeup and styled her hair like his and put a big fat like belly on and like everything about her is unsettling though i know she sucks if she could do the voice like just a little bit that could be hilarious but she's such a pandering fake like i feel like she could easily just do one of these and peel back a fake human mask when i saw her pandering to black people on that on that radio show was it so way was it did she have hot sauce in her she had the hot sauce they're like who are you keeping your purse she's like me i keep a bottle of hot sauce because i'm a street no do not keep hot sauce in your fucking bag lady and look the unopened person doesn't either but

but like any black person who heard that went what the fuck is she trying to do right now does she think she's trying to earn my vote and she thought hot sauce was gonna get me to fucking go vote for her jesus who does she think we are like more racist than trump done some anything trump we've done some polling we've we've done some polling and all the white all the white pollsters are like yeah no we've polled 500 white people and they found that black people like hot sauce in their purse well he's like michael scott the black people like connecticut yeah yeah for trump to win my vote i think he would have to surround himself with people i liked i would have to believe that he was first i know this isn't what you want but the democrat

would have to suck i would have to believe he was was first, I know this isn't what you want, but the Democrat would have to suck. I would have to believe he was very corrupt and going to behave in a way that's not good for America. And then looking to Trump, who I also think does that a lot and lines his own pockets, he would have to surround himself with guys that I thought would be restraining influences on that. Okay. His

vice president would be your ideal vice president, the one that would earn your vote for Donald Trump. it would be your ideal vice president, the one that would earn your vote for Donald Trump. That would be the contributory to earning the vote, I guess. A good VP. What do you think that would help? Joe Rogan.

That would be funny. Immediately, he'd be like, I was right about all the aliens. I looked in the deep files i know that's the thing i keep when when trump got elected i really hoped that he would look into the aliens some of the conspiracies and just start spilling secrets he did spill a secret or two but not the ones i wanted not those ones rogan would rogan would he'd get too fucked up on mushrooms he'd start tweeting deep secrets

DMT and this is a real alien dude aliens and UFOs have gotten more attention from their US government than they have before I find that interesting why do you think that is? there's been a lot of so by the way UFO of course

we think of it meaning alien spaceship but it just means unidentified and there have been a lot of really credible by the way ufo of course we think of meaning alien spaceship but it just means unidentified and there have been a lot of really credible hard to explain unidentified flying aircraft captured by like navy pilots and stuff like that and it's getting released a bit more and congress is starting to look at it and i just wanted to pay attention to it i don't even know if it's intelligent light that's flying around whatever but i think it's cool and i want to spend some tax dollars on it i think they're drones and uh like one thing i can say that i considered because the reason that like smart people always say that it's not most likely not aliens is because all the other planets and stars are so fucking far away like it just seems unlikely that they came this far to like drive real fast on our in

our sky for some reason you know but like that's exactly what the uss enterprise does checkmate but maybe but maybe they sent something maybe they sent me it could be an alien probe i guess is what i'm saying like maybe it's their uav flying around because those things do such weird shit and all the the the videos i've seen and i've seen some go underwater so maybe i like to imagine that deep under the ocean maybe there's some aqua people and i don't i i i don't think that that's that far-fetched they're being an intelligent group of people down there under the ocean real deep atlanteans from cartoons yes but but but not the traditional champions that lived on the island street sharks bro street sharks oh what a great show i thought they were so cool just rollerblading they never would bite

people though i hated that i i find it hard to believe that like if an alien race came from like billions of light years away like they have the they have the technology to be able to fucking travel like instantaneously to another, another fucking star system that they couldn't have the technology to just not be seen by us. Like surely they would be like advanced enough to just be like, yeah,

we don't want these fuckers to see us. We also like, we always assume that whoever shows up is going to be at the stage where they're like hyperdrive space. They're almost like pure energy beings. It could be, you know how all of our movies are like, we're sending this to Rigel 7. The fifth generation will

arrive, but everyone else will live on this. So it could be that when they show up here, it is the inbred lunatics of aliens, you know, 200 years prior. They're pilgrims. They are not sending their best folks so they come out of like the

motherfuckers on alien resurrection where they're just like all the rapists in their like little fucking religious colony that's what it would be well there's a remember the there was a tv series rapists in their little fucking religious colony. That's what it would be. Remember the... There was a TV series where a spaceship landed in LA.

Maybe it was hovering, but it's very similar to the... What's the Blomkamp movie with the... Where you had the apartheid allegory with the aliens uh sick to know i know yeah yeah yes sector nine or whatever it's kind of like that but um they they had like kind of bigger heads but these were like the slave race as well

so like they didn't really know anything cool like the people who actually knew the cool shit were gone by now it's kind of the same idea and they're integrating into life in los angeles and of course there's like racism and people are calling them weird slurs because their heads and stuff but uh i i liked that um the the women's erogenous zone was like their back whereas like with with us it's our front right because breasts and and stuff and and there's a great scene where the guy is dating an alien. I've been fucking wrong. Actually. I can't remember the name of that show.

I'm all shoulders, baby. Reminds me of the aliens from South Park where he's like, oh, yeah, suck on my jag on it. He's got that dick on his shoulder. I remember the Goobax episode was one of my favorites. Yeah, that was a funny one. I watched South Park last night. I watched the Scott Tinnerman

Must Die and I watched the Hobbit episode where Kanye West is like trying to convince people that Kim Kardashian is not a Hobbit. The evidence keeps piling up that she literally is an actual hobbit yeah those are two of my favorites maybe she is a hobbit but there's still no evidence that she was working with gandalf to destroy the ring like it was really good wait bitch you don't have to tell me if you a hobbit because i'm

making a damn fool of myself out here so what if she's four foot eleven it has hair not not her feet i suppose i love the total lack of commitment to impressions in south park they'll be like uh uh kanye west kanye white kanye uh what yeah okay got it like it's so fucking good uh i'm like back on i think the whole new season of south park i think other than the first like two episodes, I haven't watched any of it. I watched the special. I watched the one about overlogging that involves Tegrity Farms.

And Token, the black kid, his dad, gets a weed farm too because Randy suggested it. But what Randy really wanted was a black face in the company. But then that guy goes off and makes his own weed company and and he's doing like the whole black power thing like there's he's he's the whole motif is is all the only black owned marijuana farm and and it like goes bad is that the one where he's like uh where they think his name's token but then they like and i'm talking yeah yeah yeah what did you think it was and and that's literally matt and trey's way of like calling the people who called

them racist racists they're like wait you thought that the black kid's name was token this whole time well yeah yeah why would you think that you racist it's tolkien his his parents are big big fans of the rings big fans of the rings that is a funny joke but his name has been token the whole time prove it prove it i mean literally watch it i'm gonna see his cartoon birth certificate before have you guys followed the alex jones thing oh what's he done now i know they're suing that poor man into bankruptcy. That's what's happening. So Alex Jones, if people don't know,

he's a conspiracy theorist on the radio. And he's been pushing this one particular conspiracy theory that it's a little bit evil. So there was a school shooting in America, obviously. It's what we do. And a bunch of children were killed in an elementary school called Sandy Hook. Alex Jones said that the whole thing was fake. It was propagated by the Democrats.

It's a hoax. And that they just wanted to control you and put some gun control in place. So they did this fake school shooting. Like crisis actors, right? Yeah, that's part of the thing you know these weren't really kids getting hurt these weren't really parents who were grieving these are all crisis actors well the parents have sued and uh alex jones he's trying to work different defenses sometimes he says well i really thought this was real i didn't mean to

say anything wrong other times like when he and his wife got divorced and they were over custody he said his wife took this argument like a guy who thinks this is off the rails and shouldn't have custody of my children and he's like no no that's all for play it's fake it's for my radio show and now he's trying to sort of do the other side and be like well you know who was to know i'm just trying to investigate i'm a reporter, he's been found guilty of knowingly making bullshit up about Sandy Hook being fake and a Democratic hoax and et cetera. And now they're suing him for $150 million. He's already bankrupt his company, which I'm a little bit confused over. I think it was done to protect.

confused over i think it was i thought it was i'm not saying it's down but he's a declared bankruptcy so that he can't be forced to pay his debts or something and sometimes people declare bankruptcy even when they have money as a way to avoid paying bills it's it's a weird thing and uh let's see court records shows that jones info war store which sells nutritional supplements and survival gear made more than165 million in those years. Jones earned listeners on an InfoWars program to donate money. So the thing is, he's telling lies about dead children in an elementary school shooting and their parents. And then it's not just for fun. This is his business.

His business sells supplements and survival gear. He's profiting off these lies and the parents feel like they should be getting this money and it's if you like watching drama that it's a fun thing to get into alex jones is in a lot of hot water and may lose his wealth and will they cancel him is it possible to cancel him he's already he's already been canceled he's he's not on any social media sites. It looks like... I just went to Infowars.

It's his own site, obviously. And at the top, there's a link to band.video. I guess there's nothing they make is allowed on YouTube. Because this looks like it's a whole YouTube of just fucking his shit. Is he on the radio?

I mean, you can. He's on like online radio that he does, right? Yeah, right. I guess anyone can do that at some point. Yeah, yeah. He's not syndicated. Is he yelling on a soapbox? Like you're allowed to talk at some point, but

I don't have to allow you on my platform so i so so how do we feel do we feel sorry for alex jones i don't i i you know he had to have stopped believing that sandy hook was a scam for long before he stopped profiting on it yeah i don't know about that shit given the stuff he believes i i believe he believed that yeah i think like that wouldn't even be the most lucency thing he believes he starts like it's worth researching that shit like whether it is a hoax but like caning people in public and when if it's if you're wrong it's just like profiteering off their fucking grief so rough like it's like i can i can believe what i want

about 9-11 but i'm not gonna go around like selling fucking uh 9-11 was a hoax all the people that died are fucking actors kind of shit like just like that's just fucking sure rude because if i'm wrong then it's like i'm just fucking up people's lives that have already been fucked up yeah you're just pouring on basically yeah. Yeah. But he's so funny. He is funny. Yeah, but that's because he's an idiot. You'll often add him, not with him. I want to see him get beat up physically.

So Alex Jones is not an easy guy to beat up. I'm not pretending I'm that guy. He's a big, strong dude. He's a girthy guy. He's fat, but powerful. He's powerful. He's a problem in a fight. If Alex Jones wants to hit you and hurt you,

you have a problem on your hands. If he thinks you've got children in your basement, the children from Sandy Hook, fuck, they're still alive. The real ones. 12 and 13. If he thinks you're a crisis actor you're fucked yeah alex jones wanting to hurt you is not a good day for you probably yeah uh fighting some of you are surely badass have you guys seen this andrew tate guy

that's like no he's so he's like this this guy is like sort of popular now uh he's become like a viral thing he was like a an american kickboxer but apparently was was quite successful kickboxer he's gone like viral a lot on like tiktok and shit lately because he just he has all these clips where he's just like talks about how you should just like fucking control women and like all this crazy shit that's like it seems as though he's just saying it to like that is true there's a troll but he has this thing called hustlers university where it's like you sign up to this uh sign up to this thing and he teaches you to hustle and make money oh i know this guy yeah i've watched a lot of his content he's brainwashing me actually so i was looking into

this like this hustlers university thing i had to look into it like what what it actually is and so it's like it's about like marketing your product and apparently the main thing that they teach is like sharing clips of him doing weird shit will like drive traffic to your website so he's got this like fucking pyramid scheme where it's like getting you get people to sign up and then you get money and like all this shit so this dude's just running this like insane pyramid scheme from what i can say i don't know if it's like this guy's taken the brightest of red pills ever and he believes like there's all this shit about sort of misusing women and how high value alpha men like him would never have just one girl and you know how the girls are hoes.

And he kind of explains to people what their sexual market value is. And I'm about to get myself canceled. The problem is he's like 80-20 right. A lot of what he says isn't crazy. Like, oh, do guys move on to their sexual market value a little later in life? Yeah. Do women like rich guys? Yeah.

Do women like handsome guys? Yeah. Maybe not the toppest of priorities, but it's on there. What do guys like? Oh, they like really hot, submissive, young, and experienced women. Guys, I sometimes like that. Some guys do. Not us here pka we like 55 year old lawyers what i like is a 71 year old pig

an absolute pig somebody relinked me when we were talking to boogie about about about his ideal woman the other day and i i never watched clips of the show i could count on one hand his ideal woman is chained to a radiator oh my fucking god i was rolling watching us which sounds like such a scummy thing but but it was so fucking funny with it was like cutting back and forth between us having the conversation i'm having right now frankly but then like going back and forth between us having the conversation i'm having right now frankly but then like going back to boogie and him talking about my wife gets groped all the time and i'm thinking like wait what he's like yeah yeah i i see guys grabbing her ass and her tits all the time it happens all the time that's what he said yeah yeah and i was

like well maybe you should get a gun he's like she don't need a gun she's got me and i'm like sounds like she's getting groped left and right you said that yeah and he's like oh no those guys took one look at me and they knew they took one look at me and questioned the structural integrity of the rebar below the building. The thing that weirds me out about that guy is he's like, yeah, all women are dumb. But it's like, maybe it's just the women that he's attracting. Like, maybe he just attracts fuckwits that want money. It's like, maybe it's because you're a fuckwit that wants money that you're attracting these. Like, you could probably get a high job in his female analysis right maybe they're not so dumb they're

the ones getting his money yeah well maybe he didn't like if you just attracted someone that is like someone that has some substance if he had some substance he'd be able to like attract a mate like that and then he wouldn't have these complaints you know i need to watch some of this guy's content oh and truly red pills yeah he's so crimson red in his pills and so what he'll do this is the nature of his podcast it'll be him maybe another guy or two and these are all alpha high value men and they they kind of are and then he gets these like sluts i think a lot of them might like literally be sex workers and uh they're not good speakers they can't string together a sentence when they try to make a point or go against him they lose their thoughts midway they can't say things concisely and he uses this against them in the funniest ways he'll give

them the floor to explain themselves and they just trip over their own words and suffer and he never loses an argument in the same way that i have seen joe rogan beat like astrophysicists at astrophysicism or whatever the fuck that is because joe's a professional communicator and they're struggling to say what they're trying to say and he does this to these bimbos all the time and it's uh it's content he's got it he's got it figured out he's got his little engine going it's like all right i bring these dumb broads in let them ramble for a bit and then the red pill hero swoops in exactly dude he he's like dunking on fisher price hoops all podcast ben shapiro mode where it's like i'm talking to an 11 year old communist and it's like

where do you think money works you fucking idiot like he literally is just like bullying i'm like how do you think the economy worked? How do you think it worked? Just fucking flicking him. Someone was bullying him to me the other day as a guest. Because they said... He would not come on the show and I wouldn't want him. Which one are we talking about? Shapiro or Tate? No, I'm talking about Tate. Because they described him to me and it sounded

so much like Dick Masterson when he used to do that character when he was on... Was it... What show? Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. This guy's like an unironic Dick Masterson. He can't be unironic. He's kidding, right? I mean, he believes some of it,

but he's playing it out. I haven't watched his shit. Oh, well, then fair. I want to watch you guys. He always whips out the same statistics. He's really, really anti-marriage. And he's like 80% of divorces are initiated by women. And I looked it up because that number surprised me. And the way that he pitches that stat is that women are getting their hooks into you and then taking your money on the way out as their master

plan from the beginning i looked into it it was 70 but let's agree that you know it's mostly lopsided yeah it might be 80 in his stay in his experience who knows right and but what's happening is these women are getting married and there is not a good deal for them like now both couples are working but in addition to work she's doing all the kin work all the laundry all the cooking all the this all of that and she's like this kind of sucks it's not what i was it's not the dream i had in mind and they get divorced that is a more common tale than my trick to get his money is to get him ring on it stick around for two years and and then take his money.

And that's how he thinks all relationships are. He's pitching it as a common female master plan. He's throwing the warning out there. Be aware that this is what happens 70-80% of the time when there's a divorce. I mean, this is just a really bad

judge of character. And it's also like uh something manipulative about those stats is it behaves as though 70 of all marriages will end that way in reality people tend to be serial divorcers and they divorce over and over and over so the average person is not divorced once people who have been divorced tend to be divorced multiple times so this says in fact 70 of divorces are initiated by women. That ties into what I saw. Um, the study suggests two thirds of divorces are initiated by women.

Weird. And college educated women, the number jumps up to 90%. And this is just Woody talking, but I anticipate, I attribute that to like college educated women being more commonly the dual income, unfair labor distribution situation that i described

yeah or you know what's the reason what do you mean i didn't understand what's the what what's the reason that they're getting divorced like why are they the thing i read said that unequal labor distribution was like a really common thing that the women are expected to earn half the income raise the kids take off for the kids do the laundry do the dishes do the cooking do the cleaning and guys are just doing they're like the guys are living the 1950s life while she also pitches in an income who's writing this who wrote that it was on the internet taylor it was right there i mean that that that sounds like a bitter person who had bad had bad luck in the relationships going you know how it is you know it's just like

the 1950s out here i'm doing all the work and i'm a social worker and and it's like this isn't this is not the norm in the norm when both partners work like both work on the house like that's that's much more what's your household chore of choice, Taylor? When I work from home and so like I clean every single day. I like living in a clean house. I keep my my kitchen every single day. Like if when I get a little break, like usually over lunch, I deep clean my whole kitchen again. I make sure every single thing is clean in there because I like it clean. I make sure my dining room because like I live in a ranch style house.

So like I like making sure my whole upstairs is nice and tidy. I was hoping you were going to say she does her part and i smoke meats the best way to do chores is a uh as a male all right so what you what you do is you go outside and you get uh you we call them whippersnappers like a hedge trimmer in in america or the no the fucking the grass trimmer streamers or what a funny country you're from we call them whippersnappers, like a hedge trimmer in America. No, they're fucking grass trimmers. Strimmers or whatever. What a funny country you're from. We call it a string trimmer, I think. String trimmer, yeah.

String trimmer. So you go outside and you get that, and you pull the string thing off, and then you just fucking tangle the ever-living shit out of the string thing. And then you sit there, and you just fuck with it. Every time she walks past, I'll come outside, and I'll sit there fucking with her, try to fix it, and just look really angry. And she's like, he's doing yard work.

That's it. That's George's stand-up technique. I was going to say that. How's it going, George? I'm doing the best I can here. I'm out of the pub. In reality, she's in the house on the phone. Maybe you'd get that untangled.

Mom, it's the fifth day in a row, and this retard can't figure out where to do it. He's out in the greeny weeny area trying to fix his sleepy weepy, and I'm all frowny browny over here because he's not getting done. Exactly. That's how you do it.

That's how you do chores, man. I do not like mowing the lawn. I do not like pulling weeds. I fucking hate all that shit. But doing dishes, cleaning the house, I don't mind that one bit. I like it. I've traditionally done the stuff that my female partner at the time can't do. Like all the man chores. I fill those needs. So then the question is, how much of the other stuff am I going to also have to do? So I usually choose loading and unloading the dishwasher

because I like that one and laundry, but I don't fold laundry. That's most of it. People fold. I will load the machine. I will load the dryer. Then my hands are clean. Yeah, I'm with Kyle on that that. I know I also feel like loading

and we call it pushing through in my house, like taking the dirties and getting them out the other side of the dryer is the easy part. The clothes seem cleaner. I don't know. Maybe that's not true, but just pushing it through and I'm good at it. I will set my timer so that there's not a ton of downtime in the machines and get loads through uh jackie's bad at it jackie is she'll sit there and fold and you know the four loads that i've managed to get through and that doesn't bother her but if you ask her to like she doesn't set her timer there's too much downtime like a whole 16 hours has gone by there's two loads

we gotta run them again yeah like dude i have a lot of clothes that smell mildewy yeah it's a common problem of mine i always do that i always put them in the washing machine and then i start streaming and then i forget i've got it in there it just sits in there and then tomorrow i go in there and i'm like what the fuck is that smell i was at that bad apples paramotor thing in the spring and my friend is like as your friend you should know you smell like mildew like this shirt makes me look good i'm sorry my wife failed me i just want you to know a man just walked up to me and let me know that you do your job poorly. I spell of mildew and the other kids are making fun. Also, I was called a nerd yesterday.

I'm not wearing the helmet anymore. You know, they tell kids all the time. Go ahead. Does your wife work, Woody? No. Not outside the house. Oh, okay. They tell kids all the time when they're little,

like middle school, high school, elementary school, wherever they are, it's rough. People are going to pick on you. But once you're out of here, that won't happen anymore. This man's almost 50 years old. People are telling him he smells. People are calling him a nerd. People yell nerd at him when they see him on the streets.

It's the creepy nerd again. You start going faster to get away. I bought a new helmet that looked less nerdy. Is there flames on it? Zach, will you pull up that helmet? It's the one from Malcolm in the Middle. Oh, yes. It's the speedwalking helmet.

Speedwalking Malcolm in the middle. You'll get a picture of the helmet. Yeah. With that one, now it looks cool. I get called fat and gay all the time on the internet. It doesn't hold true. I'm getting teased. I'm going to go back and fight those teachers.

You should. You should be as fat and gay as you want. You know who you should be? Exactly. 11-year-olds. There it is. Yeah, that's what you want. know who you should be exactly 11 year olds there it is what's that called a prince rupert's drop or something like that oh yeah his head is indestructible now but if you if you tap the lower end it'll shatter

those things are neat i saw one get smushed by the hydraulic press and it just compressed it squeezed glass actually I saw that too Kyle the platform that it sat on deformed and it pushed it into the bottom half of the platform oh I didn't watch it come all the way out yeah they removed it afterwards and there's a divot it broke like the bottom half

it divoted the bottom half of the press yeah why are they so strong i keep forgetting to google that uh yeah there's a who's the really smart goes in when they when the glass goes in it's uh it's really hot and then it cools from the outside faster so the outside it cools and then the inside cools and it's like expands and uh and becomes like super super hard on the inside because it's like the the the inside of it because it's uh because it's calling it a slower rate expands slower on the inside and then it becomes like super hard and compressed on the

inside does it form like some sort of weird lattice work and with the glass it's just all like squished together essentially that's yeah yeah i don't know how it works um i'm gonna have to watch a youtube video later but i keep saying that was my take tough knowledge this is because i was watching the same thing it was like a smart blonde guy who's maybe from alabama he sometimes has his dad on his t on his youtube channel a smarter every guy yes yes yeah he explained prince rupert drops or something like that. And he did a really good job. What is the piercing in your cock called? Is that a Prince Albert?

You don't get those two confused. You don't want a Prince Albert's drop. Your knob is naughty and destructible once you have one of those. Don't shoot it with a gun. Yeah. So who was Prince Rupert and is he getting too much credit? And who was Prince Albert? And how much does he not get enough credit because yeah the idea of like piercing your cock and then having that chain that pulls it toward the pocket for fashion reasons is so absurd to me

fuck wait so you don't think that's cool? I think that that's terrifying. I think that genital piercings scare me so much. I'm always afraid it's going to get hung on something. I feel a little called out. Whenever I see someone with nipple piercings, I'm like, dude, aren't you fucking terrified

that you'll have to run through the woods one night and it's going to get hung on a limb and it's going to tear through your nipple? I know that's a silly thing to say. Yeah, I run through the woods a lot and one of them, and it's going to get hung on a limb and it's going to tear through your nipple. Like I, I know that's a silly thing to say. Like, yeah,

I run through the woods a lot, but one night you might. So Kyle, hear me out on this. I, through the circumcision argument, I've heard you say that you want to look your very best for whatever lady friend might see it.

All right, cool. Why haven't we gone to like, I don't know, ball bearings or little hearts or something like that because i feel like you whip out a dick with some lumps on it and they're like holy shit i am with the professional love maker this guy has been modified to be better than stock this is an aftermarket dick i'm working with i've had that conversation before with with uh with a couple of ladies and it just comes down to uh me not wanting to have ball bearings inserted under the skin of

my penis sounds um and that's kind of a hard stop for me personally although like maybe if i could flip a switch and it would be like that and then i could flip another switch and it would not be i would i might try that on for size but that's a big commitment what if i'm a meat you're like fuck it hurts all the time now or like it's gonna it's gonna look like shit and look what if what if women are like oh my god what the fuck is wrong with you and we've worse even worse what if they put one of those ball bearings in there and it wasn't sterilized and i get like dick rot and now and now i don't have a dick anymore and now i have to kill myself you know if that happened and you got dick rot from that you deserve it i know i know i just i don't think it's worth it it's like for one like a tiny little bit of

extra pleasure for the female it's like just wear a cock ring you know hey yeah no reason to do that does a whole different thing we're we're talking about ball bearings under the skin no no no but like but you take make the sacrifice don't go that far just wear something like a That does a whole different thing. We're talking about ball bearings under the skin. No, no, no. But make the sacrifice. Don't go that far. Just wear something like a vibrating cock ring or like a different shape condom instead of going so far that you have to like fucking fuck up your dick and have a possibility of that shit falling off. One, vibrating cock ring. I like where your head is, right?

That's a little way to give her a little extra pleasure. Maybe you two and not be so committed to ball bearings condoms zach would you kick him off the show please i'm not gonna work forgive me three hours and 20 minutes how we put up sailors and homosexuals use condoms i meanuinely, all jokes aside, everyone knows safe sex is not cool. It's not cool. I think I've worn a condom twice. I think I've worn a condom twice in my life.

I see you trying to recover now. You're the one who mentioned wearing a condom. If you want to modify your dick, man, I'm very anti-condom. I'm afraid of AIDS! I'm afraid of AIDS! Fuck that. I will get laid and trade off stinging dick. I don't give a fuck. anti-condom I'm afraid of AIDS I'm afraid of AIDS oh what a pussy fuck that

I'll get laid I'll get laid and trade off stinging dick I don't give a fuck I'll have sex I'll have sex and then piss

for a week I don't give a fuck that's a trade off for sex that's a pissing fire for a week for one fuck

bad trade off you pee all the time it depends on how good the sex is I guess it'd have to be pretty fucking good

for a week of miserable pissing uh you just can't just can't get antibiotics early before it starts no you just judge it you look at her you guys she's a dirty bitch you're like we're gonna go get antibiotics it's like i was like a judgment call i was i was talking to a buddy of mine actually i hadn't seen him in quite a while and we were getting dinner and we were just talking about the the high school the grade school like at the school we went to the religious school and he was with his wife and i'm with mine and he was talking about how like uh we went to different you know middle schools i guess and so he was talking about sex ed and he's like oh dude i like find out new things about

sex that they taught me wrong all the time like and he told me he's like dude literally i was like 24 when my now wife had to tell me like yeah two people fucking doesn't create a potential std someone has to have it like someone has to have syphilis to give it to you and he's like and i don't know what the fuck i thought i just was thinking like every time was like i hope my soup doesn't mix into syphilis with this lady's soup or whatever and it's like good god like they couldn't have tamped back the bible verses a bit and been like you know you're not gonna

invent an STD out of nowhere unless you're like fucking apes or something working for it which I don't even know if that's still the official theory for AIDS what did they come up with? There's the they have the patient zero who was the flight attendant guy who was like, it's got to be the perfect patient zero for like like flight attendant, just like fucking

people everywhere they land. Just like like if you were playing plague on your phone, that's the guy you want to get the game rolling. But it used to they used to say it was from having sex with monkeys is that was that a playground thing that i thought was a story oh okay i know i've heard that before okay maybe it was a playground thing a worldwide playground thing yeah you all just make up well maybe it was just like one of those things it's like oh those those poofs they fucked monkeys and then ruined the world yeah it couldn't be there now all those poofs, they fucked monkeys and then ruined the world. Yeah, it couldn't be there.

Now all those drug addicts who were trying to control an hour are fucked. Oh, what are you having, Zach, put up? I was hoping Zach would look up where HIV came from. I'm curious, too. Definitely when I was a kid, having sex with monkeys or eating monkey brains were the prevailing theories. But whatever bullshit I heard in 1985 shouldn't carry too much weight. May have jumped from chimpanzees to humans.

Studies show that HIV may have jumped from chimpanzees to humans as far back as the late 1800s. Wow. The chimpanzee version of the virus is called Simian immunodeficiency virus. It was probably passed to humans when humans hunted these champion chimpanzees for meat and came in contact with

their infected blood that makes sense with all the things that i know about microbiology which is to say people are like monkeys so we might share viruses it's funny how it's also said in a way that like could be a scientific but it's like ah you see you consume too much toxic blood and it's like okay well sometimes people say toxic blood and i don't know what you're talking about but i believe you because aids is very you can't get it from like uh you can't get it from like drinking blood though like it's like you have to your blood has to come in contact with them so it's not like they were just like let's drink monkey blood it would have been like they had a added like a

fucking open wound sore in their mouth or something yeah it makes because like you could you could like drink a cup of you know rattlesnake venom it's not gonna do anything because it's not a poison it's just a venom wait i realized i don't know the difference so if something is poisonous if you eat it or touch it like those dart frogs it hurts you if something is venomous that means when it bites you hits you you're you're getting hit with has to get into your bloodstream so you could eat a venomous snake and be okay because it's not getting in your like it's you'd be eating it on one hand like oh okay yeah yeah on the other you're telling me i could drink venom i don't know if you should

i imagine it's not cheap this is like a really bad idea i i what you venom's not bad for you because it's like a thing in like southeast asia get into your blood if you eat and drink it like it seems like no it gets digested i guess like it needs to go like right into your bloodstream to to be like a neurotoxin or whatever the fuck because like you could if you wanted to you could just wolf down like a handful of brown recluse. As long as they don't bite you on the inside of your mouth, you're going to be okay. That'd be disgusting. Those things are horrible.

I have so many fucking brown recluse in my house. I hate it. I'm trying to get rid of them. Venom are generally not toxic if swallowed. Okay, nice. I imagine you'd have to drink a shit ton of it. What if you drank venom all the time could build your venom resistance would that work i don't think that would work i think you'd have to let like you'd have to

inject yourself with teeny tiny bits of venom over time right so that your your body when you did get bit it'd be like oh i know how to handle that handle that. You're a retard. You've stabbed me with this. You've worked all your life towards a worthless endeavor. Like the guy from Princess Bride. That's basically what it was. I said worthless endeavor. I bet Kyle knew this.

It did save his life, yeah. Kyle, what's the difference between venom and poison? A venomous animal and a poisonous animal. The injection with fangs. The venom is in snakes. They have venom in their fangs. A toad makes poison that excretes from its skin. Yeah.

Yeah. Can you drink venom? Can you? Sure. Does it hurt you? Should you? If you drank rattlesnake venom, it would definitely hurt you. Wouldn it hurt you should you if you drank rattlesnake venom it would definitely hurt you wouldn't kill you like if they hang no venom is generally not toxic if swallowed it must be

injected under the string under the skin into tissues that are normally protected by skin in order to be toxic pretty cool i just think your mouth you'd absorb some sublingually it's just such a porous barrier and i saw them i saw them take like human blood and put rattlesnake venom in it today on reddit and it like clots up and turns blood instantly to this goo it's yeah but that's in your veins in your stomach it would just get digested i'm just thinking your mouth if there isn't uh if you had enough and it wasn't like breaking down by your stomach acid it could fuck you up i just think having it in your mouth you just it's it's deadly venom in your mouth

yeah but it's dead you said you knew the difference and now here we are the thing is kyle won me over with the sublingual absorption because there are drugs you take so that was convincing yeah it's like well we can take anything through like any mucus membrane that's why i like shoving drugs i mean that's my that's my concern that i got like i was just in the other room like like getting a soda and i was like huh a little cut in my mouth right there huh like literally just now i have a cut on the inside of my mouth right here where i like bit my lip or something like that i don't know i should not be drinking rattlesnake venom like it's gonna get it we'll hold off that tonight

then that's uh yeah wait until your mouth's all spitting up and then i'll i'll do some shots of i'm so afraid of rattlesnakes like that i'm actually afraid of i didn't think i was i'd never been afraid of snakes until i saw one in person up close and i was like oh my god dude that bit like it's so big around it's huge i think of it a snake is like this little garden hose motherfucker and they're like this big wad of muscle with a deadly end and it looks at you and it's like come on motherfucker let's go let's fucking go they're like they look like nate they look like fifth round nate diaz they look at you hate in their eyes they're just like you want to fucking go because i'll die to kill you they have so much hate in

that those little beady fucking snake eyes we have ones in uh tasmania called uh tiger snakes and they are so fucking aggressive right like i really was rocked out dude venomous uh your whole little yeah of course yeah the toy everything in australia is venomous the toy snake oh you just pat him on the head no of course they're i don't know the crocodile hunter i remember he did like the 10 deadliest snakes in the world he was gonna go grab them pick them up and show them to you and he didn't even have to travel much he had like eight of the ten are in his hometown yeah yeah it's fucking ridiculous yeah he had to go to like africa to find one or two and then maybe

bolivia or something i don't know then all the rest are in australia all the rest are in australia yeah well these don't look fun and so they're aggressive they they'll charge at you, well, they'll slither at you. They're slithering right for us. Yeah, they fucking hate people. Especially when you're cutting wood out in the bush, they're just chilling out, and then they'll just be like, fuck you, dog!

They'll just come at you. They'll just charge you. Well, that's evil. They should kill them. I can't imagine they're productive. Like they're doing anything. Maybe they kill an equally poisonous or venomous bug. Maybe that's their diet.

Or maybe mice that spread disease or something. You never know. I always hear that stat where sharks kill four people a year and we kill 100 million sharks a year. And I'm thinking that ratio isn't and that ratio is not nearly high enough for my for my absolute human w the shock news just looks like american news about school shooting

another shock done today thoughts and prayers go to that shocks family we need to do something. We can't just let these humans keep killing us. At low beaches. Stop going so close to the beach. I just don't care. What happens if all the Sharks die? I can't imagine it would lead to anything good.

We'd be overrun with tuna. Oh, no! Oh, no! I honestly don't know what happens if they all die like i'd love for a marine biologist or or someone like that well of course they're gonna say it's bad they'd be out of a job well right there would just be more other fish for them to like why is the shark so goddamn important i was telling them that the ratio of sharks to to human deaths a year is four to a hundred million or something like that and i still don't think that number is high enough like i wish we could get the human deaths halved and maybe double the shark deaths like how many sharks

are out there that we can kill a hundred million of them a year and they're still coming we just need one big shutout year where we go zeros larger fish like gropers and stuff like that which aren't good for eating just like fuck up all the other fish so they're like they keep the uh the larger predatory fish that we don't eat i don't think i really care what happens the ocean i see those groupers sometimes covered in trash and i'm like i like it the way without the trash so sharks eat other big fish huh yeah but we eat those big fish too right we eat tuna and grouper and it does seem like if we got rid of the top of the food chain then we just have a new top of the food chain and everything's fine yeah well let's kill all those sharks let's try it i don't think there's any reason they seem to struggle with nets and hooks oh they fuck up the coral reef as well because there's less herbivores than uh the micro

algae expands and the coral can't grow interesting so then it's just the high the whole ocean just becomes i wish they were tasty like i remember watching gordon ramsay eat shark fin soup and he was like sharks fuck up the coral reefs right no no so the sharks the sharks eat the shit like groupers and the groupers eat uh eat the herbivores and the herbivores eat the algae so without the sharks then the algae would just then the herbivores would run i'm sorry then the groupers would run wild eating all the herbivores yeah and then they'd just be fuck loads of algae but you kill everything okay they seem pretty important now that you said that i always wanted to like chum up some sharks and then shoot them with a gun i'm hearing still sharks and groupers and the problem is fall salt

yeah do that well the grouper's a tasty fish i don't know what you're talking about when you said nobody eats grouper earlier lots of people like grouper i don't know sounds like an american thing flounder is good yeah it's good nice flaky white flan is great yeah most fish are pretty good you don't like catfish i know you think it's it's not a quality fish and it's not a quality fish that's why you get the shit out of it it's good i like catfish a lot like i must be like yeah with fucking lemon and tartar sauce and shit yeah it's delicious puppies some green onions all those things yeah it's really good stuff i like that shit uh i don't know i i just i'm not huge into fish though so if like there weren't any more i think i'd be okay with it yeah i'm not huge into swimming in the ocean because i don't want to die to a shark i know

the chances are very low but i just don't want to be a part of that also that water is salty yeah exactly yeah yeah and even if it's not about that before i'm getting in there my eyes man i don't know just one your eyes yeah it's not very clear They need to make it clear and not salty. Like a pool. Like a pool. I don't know why anyone would get in the ocean when pools exist. Can we just fill the ocean with chlorine?

Yeah, we should. That would do it. Now everyone can just have a nice, healthy swim. And that chlorine is going to make sure that we don't have that pesky algae problem we were having. Yeah, and we have yeah sharks and groupers yeah yeah we're gonna need to find like a chlorine meteor in space to get enough

sending team five of the chlorine miners in memory of the first four yeah maybe i would like the ocean more if i'd grown up closer to it and i had done more stuff on it but i it just i god i hate it the idea of going to the beach like stresses me a little it's like yeah the beach is nice you don't have to get in you can just enjoy it i'll get sand grandfather and my auntie drowned and so every time i'm like they're like no i'm good um i'm fine how did they drown uh so my yes yeah so uh my auntie was uh swimming and then um sorry my cousin was swimming and they got caught in a rip and then my grandfather and my auntie swam out together and my grandfather brought her back and then swam back out to save my auntie because she was struggling they both drowned so i'm like damn good uh 1991 i really wanted you to say yesterday so bad

oh i guess it was about now it's like it's my uh my great-granddad drowned as well and so i'm just like nah that's a curse i am not fucking going on the ocean you're a smart man you shouldn't be rolling the dice is your dad a swimmer but my dad is like really into the ocean like he has like he builds racing yachts and has had times before he had a uh he had a racing yacht capsize and got washed like fucking like a hundred kilometers and got picked up by a ferry it's like what the fuck are you doing i remember talking to him about it and he's like i wasn't worried i could tread water forever my grand was there at dinner and my grand's like that's what your father said holy shit wow that's it that's a dark turn grand thanks grand just coming from the top rope. That's what your stupid father said.

Yeah. They love it. My mom and dad have a bite. I don't know what's on them. I'm just like, no, I'm good. Your dad's dancing with the devil here. I can't believe the kind of risks that he takes in his profile, his lifestyle.

It's not cool. If you had a history of aviation deaths in your family we'd say the same thing your father like if your grandpa was the guy who was doing that peddling thing with the spiral on top and black and white it's just going up kind of shaking it yeah there's a show on uh there's a show on netflix called alone it's a reality show oh yeah i've watched that 10 different contestants and they throw them into northern canada to survive and the last the last one to tap out and quit wins i think it's how much money is it it's like a hundred thousand

five hundred thousand it's a significant amount of money and so these people are not average joes they are survival experts so when they show up they're not like wonder what if what i should do they're like first thing i'm gonna do is start setting the traps and then i'm gonna start on the log cabin and they build cabins they take a saw and they saw down trees they're like three to six inches in diameter and they make cabins they fucking they're laying them up one lady makes a dugout this little british lady who's like 40 50 she's like made a dugout and then built a cabin roof over it and she can't find any meat so she has been living for months only on vegetables eating berries and making like root teas she's lost like 30 pounds alone. It's on Netflix. Oh, I did see that.

The one guy showed up obese, like very obese. That's just fuel. He got to bring a bushel of food. So he's down 60 fucking pounds. And he's like, you think I'm ready? They have to record themselves. And he's like, today, he's filthy, by the way. He didn't wash his face for the first 50 days.

So he's recording himself, and he's like, today's the day I tap out. Nah, I'm just kidding. I got more weight to lose. So was anybody else pissed? Were any other contestants like this? Come on. Well, they don't see each other.

There's no interaction. They're all in their own areas. They're all getting harassed by grizzly bears. Are they getting any kind of status updates? With what? Do they know maybe there's seven competitors left? Yeah, they get stuff like that. And they've got an emergency thing.

So one guy's still crying. No, that gets told. Oh, I don't know if they get told or not. What I saw was the good part was when the guy is gonna tap out early and he and he'd been talking a big game and he's crying and like this grown man is crying and it reminded me of those guys in 60 days in that quit in like intake yeah because because i can't tell if he's being not about if he's just bitching out or if he actually has chest pains or what his deal is but what he did was he was so scared of bears he spent the first three days building shelter and just starved himself to like low blood sugar and

then his chest started hurting and he tapped out so they just they come and get you and get you out of there how epic was the shelter was it bear proof yeah oh yeah yeah he built a little cabin they're they build these log cabins out there they're pretty impressive the one guy most of the one guy rich have no meat when there's grizzlies all over the place this one guy killed a deer with a bow right away he smoked the deer taylor. Taylor, he made a smoker. That guy seems like he's well in the lead. And he smoked the deer. But he's like, that deer ain't going to last me all winter.

I got to find something else. The other guy is finding mushrooms. He's got this big horde of mushrooms he's picked, and he catches the squirrels getting at his mushrooms and running off with them. So what does he do? He follows the squirrels home, climbs up in their tree, and takes all of their mushrooms and kills them probably this guy's cool alone i want to see this yeah it's fun they can take like 10 items with them and one thing that i

always like uh i i always look at it and i'm like why do none of them take hunting rifles hey they probably have rules. Is that against the rules? Because that's like the first thing I would take. It's definitely against the rules. Because where they were, I know in this season, they weren't allowed to shoot, I think, the bear, and they weren't allowed to shoot something else.

And at a certain point, they were like, all right, the season that allows you to use nets for fish is open in Canada. Now you may use your nets. And so they're using these gill nets, which are like those nets, I guess, that you either cast or like leave set up and they're all getting tangled. And it's just, it's just like, let's check the net today. The fat guy's like, I don't even want nothing to be in the net today'd be a good day to burn a little fat that's what that's what i'm thinking i'm thinking i don't need no food today i hope there ain't a fish in there oh god i hope there's a fish in there yeah yeah it was like in the

funny season there's uh there's one dude that just eats kelp he just fucking canes it it's like are there multiple seasons of alone? Are we all talking about the same season? Yeah. I've only watched the new, the seat, the newest season. I clicked that one.

Cause I'd never heard of the show. I think it's like six seasons, something like that. I knew location every time, you know? So it's, it's, but the one I'm watching,

they're in, they're in Canada. It's cold as fuck. And they're just trying to not starve to death and grind it out until they're the last one standing i might watch this i've got some extra time on my hands yeah yeah for sure i was thinking about things to suggest to you to to do since i've been writing them down yeah yeah that that shows fun i like survival shows in general and i gotta be careful though because a little bit of me would be like hey hey, it'd be fun to do that. And then I'm like,

you fucking dumbass. You've done that. It wasn't fun at all. Remember? Do you remember the muffin man? When did you do it? Oh my god. Me and Woody have done it. We've done it a couple times. One time, and I drank river

water and got violently ill and had to go home and then within another time and we essentially starved for a week in the woods of georgia sweating our balls off and got stinky and lost a little weight and then and uh i couldn't find anything to kill or eat or fish up woody caught a crawfish and boiled it and picked at it two Two crawfish is not much food. King's ransom. At a restaurant, you'd want at least a dozen and some sides, right? So, like, you know.

It was a PK starving trip. Welcome to the PK weight loss weekend. People always say that. They're like, what would you do if the apocalypse came? And I'm just like, I'd just fucking kill myself, man. I don't want to fucking hang out in a world with no internet. Like, fuck. I'd be okay with that. I wouldn't miss to fucking hang out in a world with no internet. Like, fuck. I'd be okay with that. I wouldn't miss the internet.

Don't just punch out. Fuck that. I think I would go until I realized I was losing, right? Like, oh, it's an apocalypse. Maybe I'll win. No, it's a zero-sum game. You can't win. Yeah.

Woody's right. You go until it's clear that the Negan has already been established, and then you're like, no, you know what? It's because I don't want to play. And then you... I could totally win, but I don't want to play a pocket. I don't want to. Pocket.

There's nothing left for me but Negan burning my face with an iron. Well, as long as you don't step out of line, that won't happen. I might enjoy becoming a Negan. I could start a cult and just fuck people. iron. Well, as long as you don't step out of line, that won't happen. Well, I mean, I might enjoy becoming a Negan. It's not a cult. Everyone thinks they're going to be Negan. Everybody thinks they're going to be the Negan.

I'm over here like, maybe I could be useful to Negan. You need to calm down. That's a boogie mentality, right? Like, ah, you know, I'd be the Negan. I'd be Neg Negan. I'd be the Negan. I'd be Negan's jester. Jester. Or boogie the apocalypse.

Make me laugh, tubby. He's got all those reserves of food. He'll have his dream life, his white picket fence teeth. Hey, smiling, come here and make us laugh. That's what the boogie. What's that? I would gladly be a jester. This is the end?

This is the end where he has, like, Channing Tatum on the chain and he's like ass fucking him yeah that'd be me man yeah that's right i'll be i'll be naked's bitch yeah well what if what if he was like kyle or any of you he wants you to be his dancing jester which is a very high stress position because the second you're like like when the show gets canceled you're you're done like i think instead of that you just try and flee try and find a weaker group of mostly women that you can domineer over yeah right i i think that if they're awake i would i would feign interest with the jester position. Me? Of course. I'm going to need some props.

I'm mostly a prop comic. I need a bike and a little food. I'm going to head into town. I'm going to need one of those seltzer guns. I'm going to need a whole bunch of balloons. I'll be back tomorrow and I'm going to blow your fucking mouth. It just cuts to you.

The Hulk music and me fucking going down the highway. It's calling me like Juggle Chainsaws or something like that. I'm a gun comedian. In Tarkov, we've been playing Russian roulette so there's revolvers in the game in the game now so larry takes like six revolvers puts them in his bag only one of them has a bullet he throws them on the ground we all pick one up we all pointed the guy to our left

and we all squeeze the trigger then we do it again do you get the last standing can you put one bullet in uh at a time can't you you can't yeah which is uh you can't spin it but that see see the gag is that like they all have the bullet uh only one gun has a bullet and that bullet is the next round in the chamber so in that way you randomize so there's six guns six people we're all pulling the trigger aiming at someone and it's really funny when you see the bullet on the ground like if you were really clever you can't tell which one's which unless you like look in your inventory and cheat but if you just pick it up and then squeeze like you have no way of knowing who whose guns got hot okay because dark hop can

be pretty good like showing it wouldn't surprise me you can see the bullets some of the like the revolver shotgun you can see the uh like the shield brass yeah yeah you can see the bullets some of the like the revolver shotgun you can see the uh like the shell brass yeah yeah you can see it you don't know if that's oh actually you can tell if it's fire because there's a punch primer they're pretty dim pretty which revolver is in the game the chiapa rhino you familiar with that oh those little really cool looking ones it's got like the very odd looking yeah. Yeah. There's a 9mm. It shoots from the lower six position of the cylinder, right? Yeah.

And in the game, there's a 9mm version, which is tiny. I mean, it's like concealed carry, like tiny little thing. And then there's that version, which is the.357 Magnum. That's such a cool-looking gun. Yeah, they're both awful in the game. I also am attracted to rainbow-colored guns. I have never managed to kill someone with them. I haven't either.

I haven't tried a lot, but they're shit. What makes it bad? Slow rate of fire and low damage. It's not like you're going to one-tap somebody where you could take a.45 ACP and, I don't know, three-tap them to the chest. But this thing is... I'm sure you guys are right. I'm not that good at the game.

In my head, all the guns are headshot guns, except for the 5.7. You can fuck people up with the USP-45 with AP, and you can fuck people up with the shrimp. The G45 with AP, and you can fuck people up with the shrimp. Like a Glock with AP.

A Glock with AP is nasty. Shrimp's nasty, too. I don't know. I guess some of them are better at head tapping than others, but that one's just worthless. The slow rate of fire and the sick shots. Oh, it's not like you can throw a new mag in, right? You've got to drag each bullet in.

There's no speed loader or anything. No. If it had a speed loader, it might be okay.'d be the animation would be cool too yeah the speed loader for people watching like you know what the wheel the barrel of a revolver looks like it has a little like six prong thing you can just put all six bullets in at one time and i've never used one how do you get the bullets off the speed loader? When you twist the back of it, they unlock. Okay. So, anyway, speed loaders are cool,

but I don't need one. No, I don't shoot a lot of revolvers, I suppose. And if you did, you wouldn't be loading them fast. Oh, it is cool to see those people who do the competitions with revolvers, and that's their jam. That's fun to see. They need speed loaders for tube shotguns in the game like yeah they kick ass yeah i disagree with you like all right maybe it's neat to see a guy use a revolver in the competition but i also in general don't like people who enter competitions

in a way not to be judged all right i'm really good i got fourth place with my revolver so let's all pretend i would have won with it no i feel you but i'm talking about like the wild west competition where not only are they using wild west guns they dress up like period worthy i saw that woman wearing the the corset and the bustier and like the big flower uh feathery head hat and everything and she's got like a lever action. Ping, ping, ping, ping. Some of the guys with their revolvers shoot usually just two rounds so fast, I can't tell

what happened. I can see two balloons are gone, but I didn't pick up what happened. I've met that guy before. The guy who has the world record for shooting that revolver. He empties a revolver and i don't know quarter of a second or whatever the fuck he does but i've met him before he has the beefiest

hands really the beefiest hands yeah he's an older guy all right he was yeah there he is i think that's him i don't know that's an old white man i don't know if that's him or not the guy i'm thinking of a little fatter but uh anyway yeah the revolver guys that's him or not. The guy I'm thinking of is a little fatter. Anyway, yeah, the revolver guy is so fast. I didn't think people could do things with their hands so fast that I couldn't watch them. I don't know. If I were to put four solo cups on the table and say, Kyle, touch it so quickly, I'm going to lose track of what happened.

No, I'd see it. I'd see you touch all four. Yeah, do it. But somehow these shooting guys, they do it. And they aim well. Yeah, it's a ton of fucking crap. I love the ones that shoot coins. Like, they flip a coin in the air and then shoot it.

That's fucking dope. Like the arrow guys that shoot lifesavers. Yeah, I could never do that. They shoot them from the hip as well. It's like, how the fuck do you aim that? You do it in Tarkov, I bet tarkov i bet yeah yeah that's a game it's easier in real life it's easier in real life to shoot than it is in the game you think oh sometimes sometimes they're shooting i think like i don't think like shooting a coin from the hip with a revolver would be easier in real life than it is in the game.

I like Kyle's shotgun trick. Kyle did this, and it impressed me. And it's been years, and I still like this move. I could never do it. He will rack a shotgun. The shell pops out the side. He hits it with the butt of the gun, shoots it in the air, racks the next one, and then he'll continue until he runs out of rounds. He makes his own

pigeons with the shell that's coming out the side, and he bops it in the air and shoots it. It's a cool trick. I made that up. I don't think I saw that anywhere. I don't think I saw that anywhere. I mean, maybe I did, but I just don't remember where. Well, those, like, Dude Perfect guys did it, but, like, way

after you did. Oh, I bet they've done... Did they do a multi-skate thing, too? I can't remember. Because that's hard. Shooting multiple thrown clay pigeons. I don't know what the world record is now. It used to be 10 or 11. I think the guy used to shot up a Nelly with that crazy long tube.

In slow motion, he's just like yeah in slow motion He's going It's like holy shit like like not only the thing that's impressive about that is normally when you're shooting skeet You use a skeet choke in your gun. That's an actual size of Choke, you know to determine how big the pattern is. There's one called a skeet choke and it's a pretty wide pattern It's it's tighter than what's called a cylinder choke but it's tighter but but it's wide nonetheless but the fact that this guy is making individual skeet turn to powder next to each other requires a full choke a tight choke so the each of these shots is difficult he's he's he's not just shooting amongst the targets it What I thought you were going to say was impressive, and this is part of the impressive part to me,

is throwing 11 so well that they can be shot individually. I couldn't do it. I would throw 11 up, and you're like, look, what did he throw? I got to get 11 with one shot. I can't even get my machine to fly two without them shattering and just fuck something. I don't remember how many I can do.

I definitely did four is easy. I've definitely done five, maybe six. But getting higher than that is just something I didn't want to be part of. Like throwing them, like you said, is a little difficult. Because it's kind of physically demanding to throw that much clay high enough to give you the air time so like that's its own technique but i've definitely thrown like i don't know maybe five up in the air and shot them with a benelli but they're getting close to the ground it's not like there's room for a sixth

when i would do it hey my favorite thing about skeet shooting is getting your friends to like hold the skeet and do the hands flung one with like that rubber thing and then like just as they're about to release it you fire the shotgun into the ground so they think that you're shooting at it. Shit themselves. It's funny as fuck. That is a fun prank that doesn't hurt anyone. Yeah.

No, it is. As far as gun pranks go, that's a pretty innocent one. As far as gun pranks go. Usually gun pranks are negative. You have a broad array of gun pranks that you pull on people. Yeah, yeah. Freeze! Just kidding.

The only gun prank I can think of. They were so funny. The only gun prank I can think of is putting like dragon's breath in a shotgun, not telling somebody. They thought they didn't know what was going to happen. That's always fun. Dragon's breath and a shotgun not telling somebody they thought they didn't know what was gonna happen that's always fun dragon's breath i like uh with my pump action i have uh like it has a moe stock on it from like an ak and it's really hard so i'll get people to like uh i'll feed in like like uh fucking right at the end of like a ultra hot like magnum buckshot and then all bird shot and they'll be like oh this is easy and then the last one's just, like, getting kicked by a fucking elephant.

That's always pretty funny. I always enjoy that. So, are you New Zealand or Australia? Australia. Oh. I guess you can do shotguns there? Yeah. Gotcha. You can do shotgun rifles.

And rifles. So, they don't really limit long guns uh it's more like semi-autos is the issue oh that's a pretty big limit have you ever gone do you ever i i was gonna say kangaroo hunting because i feel like you guys don't have any deer kangaroo is like you know we have we have animal right yeah i've been hunting yeah i've been hunting i don't do it i don't do it often though because it's like the seasons are really restrictive and it's kind of annoying and but like kangaroo i've got mates with massive farms that have like they just overrun with kangaroos and wallabies you just gotta blast them it's blast and they're fucking yeah it's gotta blast them nothing like shooting a mother's got a roo in there all right that there. That's always the hard part.

I remember one time taking my friend and he's like, yeah. I took my friend and he was like, yeah, he's like his first time doing it. And I'm like, all right, so I'll let you shoot one, but you've got to skin it because I can't be fuck skinning it. And he's like, all right. So he shoots one and then I bring it back and I hang it up on the tree and I pin it up. And the fucking second I hang it up,

it's got a joey inside its pouch that just falls out and just hits the ground. Now, if they don't have fur on them, they're not going to survive. So it's like it's still attached to the umbilical cord. And I'm like, okay, the most humane thing to do is to kill this instantly i'm not going to just like aim a shotgun at this fucking thing's head and kill it so i just stomped on its head and this dude just lost his lunch instantly he's just like runs off and he's like i have not been a part of this and i'm like i fucking told you i'm not

fucking skinning this see that you know we always wonder why the aliens don't stop and talk. If they were flying over and they saw that happen, they're like, go, go. Are they the same species? I don't know. They both had legs and hands. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Did you see that?

He just killed a baby. Even his friends threw up! It's like a fetus. It's like, you can't do anything with it. Like, I can't just put it in a blanket and raise it. Like, it's gonna die. Look how evil they are!

That one stomped its head on and the other one's making room to eat it! Despicable creatures! They will not be entered into the galactic coven or they thought he was ejaculating oh the other one came just from that's how they come uh slush anything to to pimp or tell our audience about oh no oh yeah oh my i am working on projects, but they're secret at the moment.

So I'll contact you guys when they go public, and then I'll come back and I'll pip myself out more. You get into the jizz biz after our success. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not the jizz biz. Unless it's bottled jizz, I'm going to contact you guys to get a production line going, and then we can sell that like butter's creamy goo.

Oh, I didn't tell you. On the flight home, I meet this guy. He's talking to me. He's talking to me. He's a venture capitalist. Boys, he's in the sock business, amongst other things. So we need to expand the jizz biz to include his tube socks. Just saying

I have a contact. Let's do it. Let's unironically get a hold of him. Let's get some cum socks. He gave me his business card. Yeah, dude. Let's do it. It would be great for a gag gift if our cum sock was like this long.

Like it was the... Just slide it over your penis and give it hell, boys. It's like it's a baby sock. You should make custom ones. Just make them out of velvet. So they're really, really soft. So if you bait off in them like a...

And then call them crusties. What is that material that really... Modal. Modal, thank you. Yeah, we had an underwear sponsor that made super soft underwear. So I bet this guy can hook us up with the high quality. Maybe it's not Modal. Maybe it's whatever the most absorptive is.

He's going to be the expert we need to talk to. We need to get a subject matter expert on jerking off into socks. Well, I'm glad you met that nice man. That won't be hard to find. I'll hold on to 50 Discord. Experts in there. He had a broken toe toast and we hit it off sock guy had a broken toe

socks aren't good enough those socks aren't protecting his anyway hope you guys enjoyed the show check out all the sponsors 606