Painkiller Already - PKA 618 W/Josh Wolf: Jackie’s Secret, Taylors Baby, UFC 280

Episode Date: October 22, 2022

Right before Christmas. I'm trying. What the fuck? PKA 618 with our guest Josh Wolf-Taylor. This episode of PKA brought to you by Death by Gummy Bears, Wonky Weeds, and of course, Blue Chew. Oh, and Lock and Load, our cum pills. We got two dick pills, as always.

Josh joining us from the green room. He's doing a show in the middle of our show tonight. That's how fucking long our podcast is. He's doing the first hour, and then he's stopping to do an entire show, and then he's coming back for the last hour. I hope you guys appreciate us. I will tell you what a hypothetical hero you would be in the Ukraine. Here's the thing.

I'm thinking about when it's over, if it ever is over. Because that's a, this seems like it's a long haul. But when it's over, man, you know what? Really, in the last two years, I've really found, this is going to, this is a crazy way to start the podcast. But I've really found what makes me happy is being of service to people. That's like a huge it's something that i really found over the two years outside of dick pills that i really that i but i really was like i like being of service to people and so and what a great fucking story to go to what great stories and great

kyle i see you shaking your head because you're dancing around this and i want nitty-gritty And what a great fucking story to go to. What great stories and great. Kyle, I see you shaking your head. Because you're dancing around this and I want nitty gritty. You're like, I want to go. I want to go. I want it when the Russians are singing Kumbaya.

No, there's going to, I don't think there's going to be any Kumbaya, but I would love to go help rebuild. I would love to go help. Like hammering. Yeah. I would love to go help people who have who have your contractor i would love to go help people who have lost everything try to get their lives back i think they could benefit from a

comedy show like like go over there and feed the troops that's where you could be absurd gosh much like you i'm i'm on board for that hero as well you know i think i might go rebuild the senegal maybe uh as soon as it's nice there. Afghanistan, once I feel like it's safe enough, I'm going to go rebuild them as well. There are all kinds of places that I'll hypothetically go to and help out once they're

okay and safe. I'm with you, Woody. I'm 100% with you. Look, I'm not going to be up here and be the typical dude like, I can go over there you. Look, I'm not going to be up here and be like the typical dude. Like, I could go over there and kill 40 Russians in a day. I would probably shoot myself somehow. I would trip.

I would be trying to do like a gag with a gun. Do you know what I mean? Like a joke. I don't think you would. You're going to be doing gags. I think I can handle a firearm well enough but i don't know that i can carry it well enough they'd be like woody have you been doing no cardio all summer long no i'd be like mostly lifting and dieting oh do you remember do you remember

do you remember when the ukraine thing was kicking? There was like this huge Reddit forum of like volunteers to go fight. And like, you'd see some pictures of these people like afterward. And it's like, dude, like cardio is not a meme in warfare. Like you need to be able to move quickly and you see somebody show up and it's like,

dude, you're here to fight the Russians and you weigh 150 pounds, like more than you should. Yeah. I'd be like, comrade, can you carry my backpack? Yeah. Woody, here's the deal. Like, like I, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I personally, I would, I don't think that I would, I'm an okay shot when I'm by myself. Yeah.

I know you think – you know what I mean? It's like I can hit 10 three-pointers in a row, but not with somebody guarding me. Yeah. Oh, I agree. So I am an okay shot, but not when someone's shooting back at me. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever competed? I'm not going to let y'all shoot anything.

No. But that – I haven't really either, but I have shot like with a clock on me or like against moving things or other people and and against other people like you know 1v1 and uh i'm talking about like on video games no no no i'm talking about like in real life like you know metal plates and stuff and uh i am half the shot under that kind of pressure than i am when i'm shooting paper targets at my own pace right if someone shoots back i have to assume i'm one tenth the shot i am against paper targets like like dude if someone shoots back it matters i don't think

it's gonna matter because i don't think i don't think these guys are ever moving past like a trot like like like if you're running it's because things have gone terribly wrong right like like the army doesn't run anywhere we walk and march but mostly we ride especially over there it's all armored divisions it's all motorized they're riding everywhere but right now if they for some god-awful reason they sent your american ass to the front the front is like world war one right now it's trenches and artillery but there are points for your 300 meters from the russians they say, and small arms fire is actually effective.

But forget about being a good shot. If the four of us went over there, none of us are getting to shoot anybody. We're getting shovels, I bet. We're getting shovels or, hey, how good of a truck driver are you, sir? Oh, I'm such a good truck driver. Great. Hop in here. But you don't understand. youtube like six million subscribers i can

really haha drive away kyle drive i can kind of do a trump voice your motorcycle license would be the the the coolest thing about you when you're over there oh really you could be a recon guy. Kyle, are you saying that you would not go over there to help? Not something you're interested in or not in that capacity? Going over there to fight right now isn't the sort of

war that we saw in the movies growing up where we're going to go up there and go get them. You'll die and you won't even know how. Something from the sky will come get you. It might as well be science fiction or magic that they're killing each other with because you're asleep and a little thermally guided a guy with a thermal sight you can see your body heat like the goddamn predator is up in the air a few hundred meters dropping a vog grenade on you from the 80s or 70s maybe? It's fucked up, dude.

We're going to fight with that. There's no fighting with that. There's no way to win. And you could be fucking Bruce Muhammad Ali fucking... Bruce Muhammad Ali? Yeah, all of them melded together. Bruce Muhammad Ali is the highest level character I know. Bruce Muhammad Ali

Lee Norris. But you have the body of Goro. The body of Goro. The body of Goro from Mortal Kombat. So forearms. It doesn't fucking matter. You go over there, you're going to drive a truck. I did see this, though. There were a couple of Americans that got captured by the Russians.

And they interviewed them. And a white guy and an Asian guy. Asian guy throughout the whole thing. He's got these dead eyes. Even in the interview, he had a hard time. The white guy's telling the story mostly. He's the one who eyes. Even in the interview, he had a hard time. The white guy's telling the story mostly. He's the one who can talk still, I suppose, or at least well. He's like, well, on the first day, they tortured us.

And that was hard. It was harder than that hole we'd been living in. And then on the second day, they took us behind enemy lines and to this facility where then they tortured us some more. And then on the fourth, fifth, and well, I suppose every day, it was just torture, torture, and torture. They kept moving them. It was like a scenic torture tour. They're moving them back to better torture areas.

Did they? You see inside the Polish warehouse. It was a gutter of torturers. While you hit me, can I have a word? Over on the left, this used to be a bakery, but today it's where you're getting tortured. What kind of... I am not leaving Bulgaria a good Yelp review after this.

If you are the kind of person who wants to go over there and by help I mean fight, like cleaning up in the aftermath, your best bet, send some money. Because going over there, unless you're a contractor who specialized in cleanup here, like, oh, yeah, I worked on this disaster and that disaster, they don't want you in the cleanup.

They want your money. But we've got a patron who was telling me earlier that he just got back from the Ukraine. I guess he does drone work here in a couple of professional capacities, and he's been going over there and training drone operators to kill Russians. So that's awesome. So he's told me,

he told me that he will tag a Russian tank with RSK and take a picture for me. That's so sick. I really want that, bro. I want that hashtag RSK. I want you miss and make us look foolish. Hilarious. At all this point, you can put a butt tire on the side, too.

Can you add a sound effect in the clip? Like, oh! Kind of cool. Tag a Russian tank. And I don't mean tagging some fucking Jeep you found burnt out in an alley. Go find me like one of those big tanks, not even one of those amphibious vehicles or troop-carrying things. There's got to be a good one.

I'm going to be honest. If there was a dead Russian in the photo, that'd be four stars. Are you telling me that if he tags an actual Russian tank, that's not four stars? If you tag an actual Russian, that's four stars. I mean, dude, you are a tough grader, dude. I mean, yeah. I think he's honestly being a little lenient. It has to be a tank.

I'm not accepting anything other than a tank. Yeah, don't you come back to me with some DMV. It can't be an individual. It can't be a number of personnel. It's got to be a tank. You're talking awfully tough from in front of your tim burton oh and i'll keep doing i'm tough as shit in the middle of missouri talking about war that doesn't impact me at all

because this is a war that i can be like, damn, that's hardcore. Oh, blues game tonight. It's not as close to me. We can talk about this and I can be like, oh, Kyle, thanks for sending me LA Confidential. Can't wait to watch that later tomorrow night. But yeah, that's crazy. So the guy is teaching people how to use the drones. I would have thought that thing, he is a drone operator.

You probably could have done that on a Zoom call. I didn't have to go. I think think hands-on like in a field somewhere oh did he say the type of controller that would have been my first question is like it's a big it's not actually an xbox controller like oh i have no idea but but specifically i don't get too like detailed in what he does but i think a lot of what he does involves um doing big surveys of like land plots and stuff so um it's a multi-thousand dollar drone like a five to twenty five thousand dollar drone i remember him talking about prices one time and he was like nervous flying those more expensive drones he talked about that a bit i have a friend that does the same job i showed you a picture like so he flies a drone it's a quad right much like a consumer drone and uh the construction crew

power washed you're gay on a rock so that when he took photos of it and everything that's what it said remember that quad rotor that was in that video i did like i saw them um jerry rig up a uh a thing over there in russia the other day or ukraine the other day with a machine gun on it they didn't fire it though because it won't work like like it was it's totally propaganda propaganda because there's no way it works is it because it changes like the kick you don't know anything about the recoil would have been too much for the drone they had it on i have seen drones for machine guns on them and they're not new it's old technology i remember um how big is that drone that has a machine gun on it the one that i saw that worked that had machine guns on it was about the size of like my desk here you can't see my desk i know like um um four feet wide by like

like like four feet in every direction in the square that's a big foot square yeah yeah um and that thing had two ar-15 pistols on it like obviously you don't need a lot of the shit that's on a gun when it's on a robot so it was just like the nitty-gritty essentials and um it was and he also had them mounted on little remote control cars not cars but tanks and it's the same guy who invented the a he didn't invent the a12 but he bought the rights to it and then he fixed it and made it work it's the guy guy who invented the AA-12. He didn't invent the AA-12, but he bought the rights to it, and then he fixed it and made it work. It's the guy who I borrowed the AA-12s from. But he had robots and drones with machine guns on them

back then 12 years ago when I was at his house making that video. And he's a private guy at his house. I mean, he's a millionaire who works in weapons and R&D, but still. Giving you, giving FPS Russia those AA-12s turned out to be a wildly good business decision, right? Whoa. That's the drone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the drone I did a video with for

it was a commercial for Call of Duty. Why don't they, you know, I would think a drone with a flamethrower would be just about the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. That would stoke public interest. We'd be like, stop sending money into the war machine!

And they're like, we have robots with flamethrower arms and we're like, alright, a little more. So they have those, they use them for brush and they can send them out and do those little, those fires you do on purpose to clear areas. They do that a good bit with drones fraud,

you know, of course I know. Drones are so scary. I was thinking the other day, like if, if, if I was going to be some kind of a criminal in the modern world, like in a city,

there's so many cameras everywhere. Like I was like, there's no way to steal anything or touch anything anymore without someone seeing you do it like you'd have to send a drone in to do your dirty work that's the problem with modern too many cameras you can send a drone in to fuck up the cameras and then go in uh not in our world no you know how it would work though like like they would just go to all right the camera broken here, expand out into a bubble of cameras that he didn't destroy, and let's look at every person

who walked out. Alright, we saw 450 people, and then they start drawing those little bubbles around them until they got 12 white males with hoodies on, and it's game over because only one of you had a criminal record, and they're coming to get you. They get you now.

What an awfully specific description that was it was an it was an inoffensive it was an inoffensive description yeah it was an inoffensive description let me ask you this you ever see those uh daytime tv is awful and they've always got those things to scare old people those commercials and so you get a lot of erectile dysfunction a lot of adult diapers but you also get home security systems. And they show that would be Ruffy and that street tough who's going to be caught breaking into a residence.

It's always white guy with ski mask. It's white guy with ski mask every time. I've never seen white guy with ski mask in real life. I don't think he exists, but he's the one who breaks into your house if you have a security system. I love how white guy with ski mask in real life i i don't think he exists but i love one who breaks into your house if you have a security system i love how white guy with ski mask too walks right up to the window in the middle of the day yeah with a crowbar like like in the middle of the day like he's gonna break in with this mother and two children like like we were putting legos together in there like

like and we say that but every day i see a a video on Reddit of some crazy person and that like trying to break into a residence and getting gunned down. Did you see the one where the ex boyfriend is trying to break in? Yes. The girlfriend's house and the father's home. And he's like, get the fuck back. And we've got ring doorbell footage.

So it's right in the asshole's face. And he's just, he starts with knocking, gets to pounding, gets to shoving and kicking. And now he's breaking the door in and the father's warning. And he starts with knocking, gets to pounding, gets to shoving and kicking, and now he's breaking the door in. And the father's warning, warning, warning, and then it's boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And he's very dead. If anybody has that link, put it in the shared chat. I'm interested. Did you see the one? That was a couple months ago. Of that dude, obviously insane, with a knife,

knocking on the door, telling the woman he knows she's alone. I know you're alone. What the fuck? And so calm. You remember how calm he was, Kyle? There's a subreddit that's nothing but these disturbing rings. Dude, it's insane. Yeah, insane, some of the stuff on Ring.

But that guy really scared the fuck out of me. One, for how calm he was. Yeah. Two, basically saying, he said, I think if I'm, he said something like, I know you're home. I just want to come in and stab you. He said something that calm. Yeah. It was fucking crazy.

Was it a random guy or was there a history with them or just some dude who showed up wanting to stab? He walked away. I'm not sure. I don't think they caught him by the time the video came out, but apparently it was just random and it was the husband. The wife was inside and the husband was talking to him on the ring like, get the fuck

away from here. And the guy was like, look, I know you're in there. I just want to come in and stab you. Yeah. There are some actual crazy people out there they didn't catch that guy they gotta catch that guy that's not a situation where you go what city

you need to find the guy who's going around being like what's your interest here oh I'm here to stab you after I stab you I'll probably grab a bite maybe see a movie but I'm gonna stab you have you all ever had your house broken into? I'm so cute. Have you?

As an adult, have you? I was a teenager. I never had. I was like 17. And were you guys home? It was your parents' house? What was the deal? So my audience heard us a lot, but we got broken into almost every week.

Like every weekend, the guy would come and take money from my mother's purse. Same guy? Yeah. At first, I thought it was my brother and my brother thought it was me. Like that's just kind of where our heads went. Yeah. And we met privately and we're like, dude, like the fuck? And I'm like, it's not me.

He's like, yeah, it's not me either. And we kind of believed each other. And just they hit up my mother's purse she would hit the atm machine sort of on a regular basis to get her weekly money and he would just take it and she used to hang her purse from a chair on the kitchen table and then she started hiding it a little bit better you know like all right we can't keep it there anymore and before long it's in like a kitchen cabinet he's still finding it it's in a kitchen drawer wow and um he i guess was just sort of ramsacking the place and finding it but when did you guys not change your locks it was really late at night and no we

didn't change the locks um one i used to sleep on the couch as a teenager too often. Don't judge me. And one time my wallet was like 18 inches from me. And I woke up in the morning and it was emptied and tossed on one of the other couches. Yeah. So this guy was like reaching over my body practically. That's so awful. Opening my Velcro surfer wallet. How did you ever fall asleep on that couch ever again, dude? Are you kidding me?

I had night terrors for like a decade. Did they ever find them? So what happened was one night, it was like 3 or 4 a.m. It was really late and I was awake. And I heard this creeping on the stairs. We had a basement with a door that led outside. And the stairs that led into the house were creaky and it would just creak, creak, creak. At first, I was like, did I hear that?

I guess I tried to convince myself that I didn't. I tried to convince myself it wasn't happening, but sure enough, it just kept happening. This is a full set of stairs, 13 stairs. I go over to the door and I see his little, he's a grown man. I see his fingers wrapped around the door. I think he was pulling it closed again. Maybe he knew I was coming. I don't know.

And I shut the door on his fingers and I opened it real quick and I start screaming at him. How old were you? 17. Yeah. How big were you when you were 17? I was a really skinny six footer something like that i'm impressed that you the first thing you did didn't wasn't to call for your mom and dad no they were asleep and uh but my father did hear me yelling at him when i opened the door and saw

him he was little he was like five two he was even skinnier than maybe I was. And I was really skinny. White guy ski mask. He was a light skinned black guy with a Harlem Globetrotters hat on. Was it curly nail? Is that the surprise of this? Golfer's hat. He starts spinning your wallet on his he threw some confetti on you and ran away i'm less than two feet from him when i'm yelling him

and he was stunned he was just stunned when i started yelling at him and then he fell backwards down the stairs like he didn't like turn around and run or anything just in shock falls backwards cool and uh i gave i gave chase right i chased him into the basement then i was like maybe i don't want to catch him maybe this is fine and um the police came and they had like canine dogs and all that sort of stuff and i described like what he was wearing in the hat and i got it wrong uh the hat turned out to be left on the stairs from the fall and it was a little eye-opening to me later on they came and they thought they knew who he was and um i couldn't pick him out of a lineup like i didn't know and i tried to cheat i asked i like the detectives right there and he's he is a he has a printout of uh um mug shots for me to

look at and there's like eight of them or something so i'm putting my finger on i'm doing like one of these deals what do you think maybe number five yes yeah you did it but If you were me, who would you pick? This one looks like a troublemaker, huh? I was like, do you know who it is? And he's like, I think so. But he didn't give me any hint. And in the end, I was just like... You found the one clean cop on the force? Any other cop would have been like, was it this one yeah that was he'd be like he'd be

like hey it was probably both of these guys though right well i only saw one guy yeah but this one was probably the lookout outside right he was the getaway right better even know each other he gives you eight eight photos seven of them are East Asian men. Like, I'm trying to guide you. But I did read in the paper. One guy is circled in red. Yeah. Take your pick. Yeah.

I think they caught him. I read a guy in the paper who was convicted on like 29 counts of burglary. And, and he was, he was that skinny because he was a drug addict and he was stealing money to buy drugs. Don't say.

That is a shock. It's true. It's true. So sneaky, though. Well, his small stature probably helped him to be a very effective burglar. Crazy high stealth skill. Yeah. And the balls to keep going back to the same place.

It turned out. So the way that our basement basement door was you couldn't the locking mechanism was almost like an interior one like that little barrel lock you'd slide across so if you wanted to lock it you would have to like exit that door go in through the front of the house around there down the stairs lock it from the inside and then repeat that process so my brother i guess he had tools or a moped or something like that downstairs and just never did it. So the downstairs basement door was always unlocked. Even when we were like carefully checking all the other doors,

that's how he was getting in. You are one of the few kids ever who actually had the opportunity to home alone somebody. Yeah. We tried tried we tried i had um maybe four friends over and we did a stakeout we did a stakeout our plan was to duct tape him to a chair and shave his head and shit like that oh shit there's a kidnapping there's a kidnapping that yeah that was our dumb ass teenage plan let me you were to 9 to 5 him? I want a picture of you and your friends. I want to be done with your friends. Your friend group. It was probably pretty diverse, though.

It wasn't four white guys going to jump a black guy, tie him up, and shave his head or anything, though, right? Kyle, it would have been a correct kidnapping. Can you imagine the newspaper clipping after this? Corrective kidnapping. Can you imagine the newspaper clipping after this? We were quiet for probably five minutes. And then it turned into a slumber party.

He just didn't come that night. I had a friend of mine who got put under house arrest when we were in high school. And this guy, he got put under house arrest. He stole a motorcycle and led some cops, some wild goose chase, caused a couple of the cruisers to crash.

This is when we were senior in high school, right? This dude ended up being a sniper in the Marines. But so he gets house arrest. So me and my friend, my other friend, we want to go see him. And we're in Massachusetts, and it was winter. house arrest. So me and my friend, my other friend, we want to go see him. And it's we're in Massachusetts and it was winter so it was the time of year where like 530 is dark. You know what I mean?

And we walk up to his house and it's pretty dark except for one muted light upstairs but the front door is open. And I'm about to walk in and My buddy goes, don't walk in.

From outside, before we walk up the steps, he goes, Greg, it's us. The light turns on. He was just waiting for someone to break in. He was sitting in there with a gun. He was just waiting for someone to break in.

It was a bait house. He left the door open. As a senior in high school, I was like, what are you doing, dude? He was like, I'm bored. I wonder how's the rest. I'm like, so you thought you'd set up a trap to shoot somebody?

He was like, what else am I going to do? I'm like, I don't know. Watch TV? I'm doing that at the same time. Whatever the rest of us do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dude was special. That chase, he lived in a small town.

What was he on? Is he in a car? He was in a motorcycle. A motorcycle. They're hard to catch. Steven Randolph. That's the other comic tonight. What's up, Steven? Dark Shadows. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was like... I lived in a small town, though. I remember shooting AKs that he got in the mail and put together. Hmm. Legal. What's that? Is that legal? Can you get an AK in the mail?

It wasn't automatic. It was semi. And I think you can still order them through the mail, just not put together. He used to order guns and put them together. We used to have a neighbor who had cars. Was he a licensed firearm

manufacturer by chance? more of a hobbyist so this is actually an important distinction now like someone will correct me if i'm wrong um but by the way this was 30 years ago yeah i think i'm remembering this correct laws are looser now than they were 30 years ago it's great um a little bit one of my charges was that serial number thing remember i think the supreme court's court just squashed the whole idea of serial numbers on firearms in the united states if i understood their ruling correctly they were there was a case that involved a man a bad man to be fair a criminal who had a weapon with the serial number uh carved off and he was like, look, that's a bullshit law.

Who are you to say, it's my gun, I can take your fucking serial number off if I want to, and they went to the Supreme Court and he won. I don't remember the nitty-gritty details about why, but that changes a lot of things. Before that ruling, that's a 10-year mandatory federal sentence for

even fucking with that serial number you know and but why wouldn't you be able to do that with a vin number on a car then if you can do it on a serial number with a you i don't think you can scratch out your vin number can you on a not not drive down the road yeah i don't think so i don't think so but why would you be able to if it's the same principle, right? I own this car. I'm not leasing it from the bank. This is my fucking car. You can't stretch out your VIN number.

That is not okay. Well, you can as long as you keep that car at home, right? And I'm going to keep my gun at home. Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I won't be operating my firearm down any highways

so y'all don't have any jurisdiction on what I do with it that's what I've always agreed Zach and I both googled it, you're right Josh you can't scratch it off you can't scratch off the VIN right? on the cars and then drive them

but if I've got it at home Google makes it seem like you just can't scratch them off what is it like that tag on a mattress? But if I've got it at home and I keep my garage. Google makes it seem like you just can't scratch them off. But Kyle. What is it, like that tag on a mattress? I'm going to scratch off the VINs. I'm going to use that. But Kyle, if you have a car that you don't take anywhere, is it a car? You could off-road with it, right?

You could do things that don't have anything to do with the U.S. government and their set of roads and regulations. I could take that car and I could off-road in my pasture or wherever you want. That's private land. Then you're not up to it. Then it doesn't matter if it's street legal. You can put some big tires and loud exhausts and

two engines on it if you want, whatever. That's neither here nor there. I'm not trying to say it's right or wrong to carve the serial numbers off guns because the Supreme Court already figured that one out for us. No need to think about it further. Josh, I have a question for you. You were walking on stage before the show,

just showing us what it was like. Do you get nervous when you get on stage? Still, you've been at this for a while, but can you walk in front of 400 people and not even change your pulse? Is it that? Yes. It's definitely not nerves.

There's zero nerves. Right now, it's excitement. Yo, guys, mostly because I'm, for the first time in my life, I can say, I'm good. I'm good at what I do. And I'm not, like, in the past, I've been like I'm good at what I do. And I'm not like in the past, I've been like, you shouldn't say that. I've worked really hard. So I'm

Woody, there isn't a situation I've done this so much. There isn't one I can think of that hasn't happened. A gun, people fucking, people throwing up, electricity going out, natural disaster. I've done all that stuff. Me throwing up, electricity going out, natural disaster. I've done all that stuff, me throwing up on stage,

me charting just a little bit on stage and trying to decide if I was going to stick it out. Like, I've done everything. And because of that, I have confidence that you can't throw me off my game. I have confidence that you can't throw me off my game. But I will say I don't like the shows where I don't feel excited. I'm always like, well, I need to feel something because it's so cool to do. On the nights where I don't feel anything, I'm like, wait. You know what? I'm a little worried.

I don't want to be too casual. It's still a performance. You know what i i i'm a little worried like i don't want to be too casual it's still a performance you know what i mean so i don't want to be too casual with it but man right now all the wheels are on the fucking tracks i have a question that's great man i'm happy for you yeah yeah go ahead no please please go on please go on. I was going to say, not just the comedy, but all of my creative stuff. That show that I sent you guys came from my little brain

because execs told me, oh yeah, that can never be a show. Nobody's ever going to watch it. How would you make this a show? I was like, you guys are fucking dumb. I self-funded it. I made it. it's the best thing I've ever done like I am so locked in to what I do now that's what I mean that's the confidence me I know finally what I do I'm not worried about being Bill Burr or being about a different

being a different type of comic that I like. Sure. I can't be those guys. I'm not those guys. I'm me. You know what I mean? And so I like silly, ridiculous, weird shit.

And that's where my comedy comes from. That's great, man. The how, how long into, I guess, is this a pretty recent thing? It sounds like,

or I guess it's as with any change, it kind of evolves over time and you realize where you are once you get there i will tell you a lot of it has come from mushrooms i uh i know you're a huge fan of mushrooms i have had a couple of experiences as of late that really changed my life one was okay i've always thought of comedy as a puzzle, right? So I never thought of it as success and failure. I was like, oh, if this doesn't work, I just need to try a different piece, right? If you do a thousand piece puzzle, when you try a piece, you're not like, oh, that's a failure. Like, oh, that's just not the right piece. That's how I've always thought of comedy. So I've never been scared to try things. I moved that same theory to my life recently.

So I don't think of things as success and failure anymore. Just that puzzle piece didn't work. So I need to put another puzzle in there. So there's no roller coaster. And it's helped my creativity so much because it keeps me focused. I don't get discouraged. I just keep trying. You know what I mean?

And that was a mushroom revelation for sure. What's your dose? That depends on what we're doing. For example, the other night I did about two and a half grams, did a podcast and it was wacky.

Yeah. Last time I did that much, I didn't enjoy it. I enjoy it because of who I was around, Guy. I was alone. Yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this because it was an experience, actually. I hate myself. It wasn't the part where I was feeling like actively high from the mushrooms.

It was the aftermath. It was like I had this weird hangover afterwards that but it wasn't like that sort of drained alcohol dehydrated hangover it was like an emotional depression draining thing it was like whoa where'd this black hole in the middle of my chest come from full of nothingness that i feel like i'm being sucked into. And like, I was so depressed for like six hours in the middle of the night. When I woke up the next morning, I was like, what the fuck was that all about? And I'm like,

like drinking my coffee thinking like, the fuck was I so upset? And that really spooked me. Like I did. It's, it wasn't like while I was high, I was having a hard time it was it was afterwards because i've never had a hard time like being high other than that i passed out at walmart

yo that greeter was like what the fuck um they were yo i'll tell you something dude that depression only has ever happened to me with ecstasy and never with mushrooms. It was weird. It was temporary and it was almost like... Was it introspective? No, it wasn't any... Even when I was feeling it, I was trying to nail down what it was that was making me feel so shitty because then you can address it, right?

I can get my hands around what this... Even if I'm uncovering something that actually needs to be looked at, but that wasn't it. There was nothing. I just felt bad. It was like feeling nauseous. I just felt it. It wasn't about anything. I don't, that hasn't happened

to me, thank God. My kind of average dose, just to kind of have fun, if I would, like if the four of us were fucking about, I don't drink anymore, but if the four of us were fucking about and you're like, let's go to a bar, I could take a gram and a half and oh yeah and just laugh it up with you guys you know what i mean it's a fun night out i prefer lsd like way way way more than uh than mushrooms though i have some on me i feel like that's great i don't i don't kyle i i my son my son you mail it to Kyle? No!

Don't say that out loud My son and I each took half a dose and walked around Portland because we had shows last weekend and it was so much fun because half a dose is perfect for the daytime

and then I was just kind of energy enough to go on stage you know what i mean yeah i have a i don't want to interrupt you but yeah no god i want to change the subject and i have two options i have two options okay kanye west or kevin spacey i had ke Kevin Spacey written down because it ties into everything. Okay. Is there Kevin Spacey news? Oh, there's Kevin Spacey news. Should I get my pants off?

We're big Kevin Spacey fans here. I mean, he's holding one of Kevin Spacey's bangers right there in his hand. The man is one of the greatest artists of our generation, and it has been found again, again not guilty. All charges. We have a living witness who has been

found out to be a liar. Kevin Spacey's knocking him dead left and right. All right. No one has found him guilty of shit. They took his shows away. They made him out to be this pedophile, this villain. They made him come out as gay.

They made him make that crazy-ass video where he was still. What an amazing video that was. Well, hello. I'm sure you know. Why am I still doing my Frank London World of Acting? Now, I can't possibly be a molester. I'm gay. As your commander in chief, I want to.

Wait, wait, wait. Is this? He was. And why do you sound like Foghorn Leghorn now? Well. I see. I see. I'm coming out as.

I say, boy. They call this tactical gay. I'm tactically gay right now because it is expeditious. I say, I say, boy! I say, I say, boy! There's the article, right? All three of you boys better be careful on the road. I say, I say, those cars don't quick.

The jury concluded that Kevin Spacey didn't molest fellow actor Anthony Rapp, concluding a trial that was an outgrowth of the hashtag MeToo movement. Rapp had claimed that he was psychologically damaged after Spacey had made sexual advances on him all the way back in 1986. 30, what's that, 37 years ago? Incalculable. Insane.

The year of our Lord. The year you were born. Now, how many years ago was that? you don't care at a certain point it's like it's not like yeah i'm nine this year it's like i don't know i'm 36 or 37 i'm not really sure dude i will tell you what my birthday was yesterday and my brother was like what are you doing for your birthday i'm like who gives a fuck do you know what i mean like what do you mean what it's a day and this is not a birthday that i need to remember you know what i mean like i'm a grown man i don't need a cake i don't need a happy birthday surprise i don't i don't have to after 30 like i'm only 31 now but like i remember at like 20 being like 30

that's like never gonna happen That's not even a thing. I'm a young guy. Like now I'm 31. I'm like, oh, I'm going to die someday. I'm sprinting to the finish here. And like, I'll be like thinking about my mortality while I'm overeating salty foods. And I'm like, I'm killing myself. How much time am I taking off my life with these snacks?

Like I got really high the other night and genuinely was sitting there like I was eating a little too much Halloween candy that my wife bought. And I told her not to get it four weeks before fucking Halloween. I knew that would be a problem. It's really her fault you ate it. That's right. I didn't bring this up on PKN because I was genuinely a little embarrassed about it. But this past Saturday, I was home alone little embarrassed about it. But like this past Saturday, I was home alone.

My wife was out. And she had this giant bag of candy that she'd gotten for trick-or-treaters. And it had been there for almost a week already. And I had resisted mostly. And like it got to be that night and I ate a bunch of edibles. And I was like just blitzed out of my gourd playing Age of Mythology or whatever. Anditzed out of my gourd playing age of

mythology or whatever and like i looked to my right at the end of the night and like my entire and like couch side table is covered in snickers wrappers twigs wrappers and like i they didn't have reeses thank god or i would have killed myself and the next morning like i was just sitting i was drinking my zevias having my candy eating so much and i woke up the next morning like with a feeling of like oh i might throw up what's wrong like am i hung over i didn't drink anything and i'm like you fat fuck you have a candy hangover right now like i really did like i i i did not walk out on sunday because i'm like i don't feel good you ate you ate two pounds of candy and then it was like i should probably have a zevia

like what the fuck i i just uh i just like diet soda to go with your repeat yeah everyone engages in delusion at that point everyone engages in their own flavor of delusion. That's true. If I have a pet, I don't leave the bag of dog food on the floor where the dogs can get to it. Clearly, you need to hide the candy from Taylor. She was an irresponsible husband owner. She literally asked me before.

She's like, I need to hide this from you. And I'm like, ah, pish posh. And she did because I ate all by the way I literally I was in like a cranky mood all of Sunday morning because I like I was like sitting like I had these plans to work out and everything and I was sitting on my couch like I'm gonna I'm gonna in the middle of my morning shit Sunday morning I'm like I'm gonna throw up I'm gonna throw up we need to become bulimic I think that's our cutting strategy. That could work, but I don't like vomiting. And that's a huge part of it.

How old, Woody, how old are you? 49. Okay. I'm 53 yesterday, right? Happy birthday. The cutting strategy is super easy. I'm telling you, I mean, I'm probably more cut than I've ever been in my life. Okay.

But at our age, Woody. Now, Taylor, no excuse for you. No. Do you know what I'm ever been in my life. Okay. But at our age, Woody, now Taylor, no excuse for you. No. Do you know what I'm saying? You're 31. Like you still have testosterone. So I don't know what you're fucking about. You know what I mean? All you got to do is do a couple pushups with those Skittles

and you should be in good shape. I do a lot of lifting. Dude, it's not only what you eat, it's obviously when you eat. But do you intermittent fast? No, it's not only what you eat, it's obviously when you eat, but do you intermittent fast? No, it makes me hungry. Yeah. That's what you got to do. I will like out of guilt after a big feast, like 12 hours, 12 hours, 12 hours without

food. That's nine. Go from seven to seven or eight to eight. I'm telling you right now, you're going to see a huge difference. A huge difference. Do you want me to go 12 hours without – Josh, we're no longer friends. When's the last time you eat? Like what's your window right now? The last time I ate was right before the show.

No, no. Like at nighttime. At nighttime. When's the last time I ate was right before the show. No, no. Like at nighttime. At nighttime. When's the last time you ate? No, to be honest with you, what I'll do is I'll have dinner, and if I'm hungry, I eat watermelon. That's my snack. Yeah.

And I consider it guilt-free. I don't know if it should be. To just kind of like get the conversation where it actually needs to go, Woody was mostly just teasing Taylor because Woody's in tremendous shape and is on a regimented diet workout program for the last two and a half years. He's as close to He-Man as you can get at his age

without injecting some testosterone, and that's coming soon. I think I can read Woody's mind. I think he's looking at the year 50. He's like, when I'm 50, that's when I'll start it. I bet he's had that thought. I looked into TRT. When he starts the TRT, y'all will know.

Because Woody will go, boom! He will just be bigger. Oh, yeah. Jackie's going to have to go back to Hollister for a whole new wardrobe. That's a sick joke. Woody, would you do the shots, or would you do the cream?

And would you do HGH, would you do the cream? And would you do HGH, peptides? You know what? Let's dive in head first. Let's go shots, peptides, HGH, and shrooms. Tren. Just hallucinating building muscle on your couch.

I had no idea how much fun working out was. I want something for bones. I'm healing too slowly. I'm going to get ready for show time, and then I'm going to check back in with you after the show. All right. Cool.

And then I'll be upstairs in my room with regular lighting. All right. Okay. Sounds good, Josh. Have a good show. All right. Kill him, man. Break a leg.

Yeah, I hope so. Kill him, man. Yeah, I hope so. Kill him. What do you say? You probably can't say the joke I wanted to say. Killing it, isn't that what you mean? A murderer? Go be a murderer out there, Josh. Go commit premeditated murder on the stage.

Dude, there was a murderer. I have to jump in. My bestest friend, Kyle. Today, I get a gift from Amazon. It comes in a little pouch and everything. And I'm like, what in the world is this? I didn't order anything. It's a gift from my friend kyle la confidential if you

remember kyle's been telling me all about this wonderful film and i've been saying i can't find it on amazon i can't can't find it to buy on any streaming services and so kyle being the buddy that he is sends me sends me the disc already i told my wife about it and she's like we have to send him something like we will we'll find something good for him well the dog just ate my razor those are only like 80 bucks you can't send me one of those i'll send you a new razor steven for that cool guy dvd i was a cool guy the week for sending me la confidential thank you again man i appreciate it i'm excited to watch this it's a really fucking good movie it's it's annoying that it's not uh on any streaming services uh i wonder what the reason is. I don't know, but it's got fucking Kevin Spacey,

Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kim Basinger, Danny DeVito, and that other guy, James Cromwell. Oh, yeah, when the movies aren't available to stream or even buy to stream. If it's not currently on Netflix or HBO Max, I get it. Not every movie is going to be.

But if I can't even pay $2.99 and rent it, what are you doing? Why are you sitting on this property not making money with it? Sometimes it's a dispute of some kind. I know that Harvey Weinstein probably has some stuff fucked up

right now with his nonsense. Because he owns so much, maybe. I don't know what the deal with this one is. It's a tremendous movie. It's got a great cast. So I think you'll like it. I haven't know what the deal with this one is. It's a tremendous movie. It's got a great cast, so I think you'll like it. I haven't seen it in a long time myself because it's not anywhere to... I should have gotten two copies

I guess. Now I can't watch it. But I want to... Go ahead, please. I don't know if I doubt it. There's a serial murderer maybe three, five miles from my house. Yeah, that's a great topic. People are getting knocked dead left and right next to Woody. Does he have a name yet?

He's 15 years old. They don't have a motive yet. I'm pretty sure he was taken alive. At the top there, are you looking at him? The white kid with the Nike shirt? Yes, that's the shooter. This has got to be an old photo, right? Like they're doing the young photo. I've seen so many photos. Each one looks more innocent's the shooter. This has got to be an old photo, right? Like they're doing.

I've seen so many photos. Each one looks more innocent than the next. Like, do you remember Trayvon Martin in this one? Like at first you saw this like six year old cherub beauty of a young guy. And then like later on, he's got like grills and he looked a little more dangerous. I feel well. I just saw another picture. Maybe every picture I see of this kid he looks pretty innocent well he's guilty you mean innocent like a tiny guy like a young guy i know what you mean yeah yeah he looks non-threatening you wouldn't guess that's better word yeah he looks non-threatening because he's definitely guilty

and he's definitely crazy and he murdered five people and at first i thought maybe he was bullied or something i tried to make some sense out of it he killed an alter his victims are like 55 60 30 just like whoever was in the neighborhood at the time i don't know just in his he just went on a rampage yeah okay well that's not a serial killer that's serial killer cooler than spree killers okay spree killer he doesn't have any plans or ambitions he's just got a lot of rage I would call it a speed run serial killer well I don't think I want to make light

of your dead neighbors but okay you're probably right I mean but um so there's no reason they haven't figured anything out yet. Yeah.

I mean, five miles away, that could have been you out there in your scooter or something like that. What if he saw me flying around? He shot a 29-year-old cop, a 52-year-old woman, a 34-year-old woman, and a 49-year-old woman. These are just randoms around. You fit right into that

demo. You're his demo. Middle-aged white people. I'd be good for woman and a 49 year old woman like these are just randoms around you fit right into that demo you're his demo middle-aged white people i'd be good for shooting that's so sad just someone like doing something innocent living their life walking around the neighborhood some monster just you act like joggers aren't annoying at all i mean what if what if what if it was like they're calling him the cyclist killer and it was a serial killer around the country that only attacked cyclists who were a little too far over? He would like, you know, around his truck. He would just go on the road and he'd wait for cyclists that blew past stop signs. And then he'd like release cryptic dash cam footage, almost Sam Hyde style yelling and mocking them before he,

before he runs them down. That guy would not be as hated as like, like other groups of people. The random attacker serial killer would be reviled much more than the cyclist, the road cyclist killer. Yeah. So every time you bring up like road cyclists,

there's always like some European guy who's like, yeah, why are you Americans? So backwards, you can't even ride your bike. And it's like, why are you Americans so backward? You can't even ride your bike. And it's like, you live in a country the size of my neighborhood. What are you talking about? We need cars. We need all this stuff. And

our roads, maybe Europeans don't know this, our roads are not made for cyclists. So when they're on there, on a windy road, it's just them in the lane. Just hanging out two feet in your lane. It's like, oh, so now I get to swerve around you on a corner where there could be oncoming traffic. Thank you, sir, for off putting all sense of responsibility and making all of us kind of the adults in the room who have to be careful not to tip over the child. Everyone, your safety on the line so that this person is prioritized.

Tremendous selfishness. Hate it. I thought the car said the of way this whole time. I've been running them off the road. They should. I think that's something we should get behind. I'm voting for whoever puts that in. No more cyclists on the road.

They get their own roads. No more mollycoddling the cyclists of America. I saw a cunt jogging on the road near me. There is a path. There's a sidewalk. And she's jogging on the road. And it's like, fuck you. Fuck you.

Like, what's wrong? You should hit her. And you know what? Darwin would approve. Darwin would approve. As I'm, like, clasped in irons. But it was. Darwin is.

The survival of the fittest. And they're like, not only is that tremendously a scientific you are a murderer well we would have got you for manslaughter except for that 10 minute rant on your podcast now it's murder one now it's murder one no i was joking it was a joke it's a meme yeah uh raleigh's working their way up the murder rankings. I don't mean to flex on you guys. Well, I mean, the spring got really... I think we might be down to second place.

I think it came before that. We were 14th fastest rising in murders. And I just don't think St. Louis... Who was keeping up with that stat? Hold on, I'll find out. What a horrific stat. I want to keep track of it. Charlotte's really on the rise

since october oh this is from yesterday cities with the highest increase in homicide rate are we 14th in yours as well uh you are 14th yeah carolina ha ha look at st louis down at three fuck you kansas city and det. Now you're the losers. Oh, no, wait. I guess we still have a lot more. Oh, but look at that. You're down like 15% and you're changing homicides. Actually, it's 15 raw.

But yeah, so you're slipping and we're rising. Watch your back, St. Louis. We're rising. Dude, St. Louis is a shithole. It's worse now than ever like you're not even good at murder anymore you're not even good at murder anymore well i get the numbers are probably going down because fewer of them are getting caught because we use handguns and you use hammers so many cops are resigning because it's just fucking dangerous and i guess and i could see how that would happen like if a bunch of cop if you're a cop and a bunch of your fellow cops resign, then you're forced into a more dangerous situation.

I would imagine. Does it say why they're resigning? Is it the danger? Is it the anti-police sentiments? Well, I know that like St. Louis City has never like been good about having the backs of cops like some cities do. So maybe that has something to do with it. Do you want them to have the backs of cops? Not I mean, not really. Like, do you want them to have the backs of cops? Uh, not,

I mean, not really like, I mean, well, it depends on the situation. If it's like a, like a reasonable situation. Yeah. If it's like one of those fucking dude in Vegas getting gunned down,

you know, playing the Macarena, like, yeah, obviously you do not want like the Vegas, uh, city council or whatever being like, we are going to form a wall around this guy and protect our boys in blue.

Like, clearly you don't want that. Yeah. Yeah. Good judgment. Obviously, that's the way to go. So I want to talk about Kanye West and his slow and steady descent into insanity. And the fact that he has now said things that are so inflammatory that mental illness is no longer an excuse, according to CNN. I saw them say that, and I couldn't believe they were saying it.

They repeated it. They're like, no, mental illness is no excuse for anti-Semitism. That's a hot take if you ask me. Yeah, this is a problem because that's my excuse. I don't care if they're not even capable of of controlling what they say and they don't even know what they're saying they say anything about any jewish people at all that's it yeah really but but we're all agreeing that he does he's insane and he doesn't know what he's saying and we should probably like put him under a conservatorship or

whatever like they did britney spears and get some experts in and like some people who love him and look after him and they're like nah he talked about jewish now debank him debank him yeah he got debanked by jp morgan oh you thought it was a funny joke why for a For a second, I forgot they debunked him. Yeah, that's old news now. I think we mentioned that last week. Like, that was one of the first things. Yeah. And I saw, like, J.P. Morgan, they held Epstein shit after it came out that, like, he was doing wild stuff.

Hold on. I don't think Epstein said anything about Jewish people. He didn't say a damn thing. He kept them out. Well, that's true. But you're acting like Epstein said anti-Semitic things, and he did not. I'm putting too much weight in the rape island.

There's an island where they raped children! Anti-Semitism is a bridge too far. Jesus, Taylor. God damn, just doubling down on my anti-kink bigotry so kanye's in a lot of trouble and and the best what's going on now i saw the parlor the parlor thing is so good because i think kanye's work all right so these numbers are

round numbers but it's like what i heard on the internet i think kanye's worth like two billion dollars or something is that right or maybe he's a hundred billion it was some enormous not a hundred billion but he's a billionaire yeah i thought it was two billion dollars like between his shoes and everything google says two billion so let's go with it yeah so he's got two billion fucking dollars an enormous amount of wealth and candace owens and her husband they're these right-wing african-american you could say provocateurs um and uh they're they're you know they're political pundits for those who don't know. She used to be liberal.

And she's a drifter. No longer. She's a hell of an actress. Not where the money was. And so she had this movie come out called The Greatest Lie Ever Sold or The Biggest Lie Ever Sold or something like that. And it's about BLM. It's about how Black Lives Matter is a big scam. I can't even remember.

Oh, it's about BLM. It's about how Black Lives Matter is a big scam. And so Kanye West and some other silly people show up at the premiere, and they're calling it, like, BLM's funeral. So they're all wearing black, looking somber, making frowny faces. And then the next thing you know, see, there's this conservative social media thing called Parler, right? Her husband owns that shit. Kanye just bought it for like 40

45 mil or something something like 40 50 million dollars nobody else was swooping in to buy this defunct fucking conservative right wing what what is the user base like what do they know how like who is on fucking i bet he paid 50 a fucking user. $50 a user. I have no idea. I read that it was 0.1% of Twitter's activity. That is embarrassing. Is it like Twitter? 0.1?

Yeah, not 1%, but a tenth of a percent of Twitter. No, I don't want to join. I just want to see what the fuck it looks like. That sounds like if Shroud's doing a big stream. How big is that? I don't want to join. I just want to see what the fuck it looks like. I mean, that sounds like if Shroud's doing a big stream or something. Yeah, right? How big is that? I don't know. It's like when Tarkov does a wipe.

I can definitely... That strikes me as some opportunistic shit from Candice and her husband. Was that Kid Rock? Yeah, come on in. Also, buy this thing that's totally not failing. This is a great investment. She's taking advantage of the mentally ill. Are want okay with that or not okay with that i think we're okay with it i'm not okay with it i like kanye as an artist like like his look that he does make

some catchy tunes i i look i i think he's i think he's lost his fucking mind i think he's actually having a middle breakdown here and he's just like saying crazy stuff i feel bad for him but it's real funny to watch and like i mean he's a billionaire so it's okay right that's the thing like that's why it's okay to like watch somebody spiral because he's a billionaire so no matter what no matter how bad he fucks up if anyone else if i heard that somebody else had been grifted for 50 million i'd be like oh no what's gonna happen because like not everybody has 50 million to spare even if you're a celebrity like 50 million i don't know how much money say like i don't know toby mcguire how much money does toby have just i doubt he's got 50 to throw the fuck away you

know right not but kanye does so it's like he'll be all right and and the funny thing is he's big enough that like he might be able to make it $50 million and get out from under it. He might be able to do that. Maybe he is popular. He's saying, Kanye, who's not saying anything about Jewish people, those wonderful people. Some say the best. All the people are talking about the Jews. They're the best.

The best. Kenny, though, to me, parlor is yesterday's news right if you're conservative and you're looking for uh a circle jerk you go to truth social that's the that's where you want to be on on trump's new platform yeah parlor is the one that trump wouldn't go to because he wanted to get paid he's like my presence on parlor is gonna make parlor worth a ton you should pay me a ton make it worth my while to post over there yeah and they didn't or couldn't half ownership right away if i own parlor i'm like all right donald you own half of this thing now get in here and start tweeting i think they gave him 90 of truth oh shit trump's a fucking he's a business art of the deal shit man yes and um

i hear everything about true social i hear that the thing is absolutely failing that they're not paying their hosting companies that they're millions in debt but it's been occupying more of my like news universe than it ever has before so i would never go to any of those places the only time the only way i know that Truth Social exists is because occasionally Trump's tweets are screenshotted. It makes news. Well, his tweets specifically are screenshotted. They're not called tweets. Whatever they're called. Truths. See, that's lame as fuck. Really? I think it's good. So, I think it's bad for humanity in America

to have everything Trump writes called a truth, but I think it's bad for humanity in America to have everything Trump writes called a truth. But I think the marketing is good. The fact that these are truths that you're making. When you say it, this is it. Trump made a truth today. Yeah. That was a lie. Right?

Like they usually are. I mean, it looks like Truth Social had like 9 million visitors in September. Not great. But Parler only saw 1.25 million. Wait, wait. Explain to me how an app only had 9 million total individual users or impressions like visits. Because visits is pathetic. it's not visits it says visitors so i guess okay i guess that's total unique users that's what i was yeah so like

yeah parlor 1.25 million visitors truth social 9 million visitors gab all right they're cooking with gas if they got that many look like it's it's not a global phenomenon i guess nine millions a lot you got nine million it doesn't seem like that much. I just pictured that meaning probably 5 million who are actually on there a few times a week doing a thing, touching it. Plenty of people downloaded it and never did anything again. That's a lot of people. You can influence things with that many people. You can do things with that many people.

Big things. That whole January 6th thing, how many people were there? A couple thousand, right? Yeah, but online numbers aren't they're in person yeah yeah but there's a they're not online numbers and you i'm sure there's there's like a the drake equation is that equation they use to like calculate um how many um um intelligent like civilization should exist in our in our universe um and you're plugging in numbers for unknown. How many intelligent people are on Truth Social in this scenario?

Clearly 9 million. It's like the Drake equation but in reverse. But poor Kanye. I keep saying poor because He's not poor. He's worth $2 billion. Rich Kanye is in a tough spot though. I saw he was on Cuomo show i don't even know cuomo

still had a show he's on some network i've never heard of now yeah it's like news nation right something like that and uh i don't know i guess i guess it's just a youtube channel maybe but it seemed it was getting hundreds and hundreds of thousands of views like it wasn't like a blockbuster or anything but when you compare that to like what if you ever looked at like we always thought of cnn as like holy shit tom brokaw's on there the news is being spoken like way back in the day when i was a kid i wonder how many people were actually there live listening to tom brokaw at night was it millions and millions because there were so few like channels was that the deal back then you think like walter i think so i think there were just three news channels but i think by the time it got to like modern times like like 20 teens cnn's getting shit on by like the top 10 people on twitch every night

you know what i mean like like maybe like a million people might tune into the most popular thing right sometimes i think though that they grad it a little harshly. And here's where that comes from. They're like, Ooh, this person sucks. He had 800,000 live viewers and I'm like, all right, but they're going to take that show. They're going to make nine YouTube videos out of it. They're all going to get a couple million views, this and that and the other thing. And by the time it's finished, the amount of people who are influenced by that is way larger than the 800,000 lives that you're comparing it with. Yeah. It's if they,

if they cover their, but it's not what it was like a modern company does. Like, like I don't think that's how I see that right away. That's how I see the news. Diversify. They, they had their,

they had their like tent pole program up and then they were like, all right, cut your 10 youtube videos get your 20 social media clips and fucking get together team go go go like they weren't doing that in 2010 like now they do now when it like what conan did like he was one of the first late night guys to put all his shit on youtube and it got huge you know that reminds j, James Carden. Do I have his name right? James Corden.

I only know because he's apparently very rude, but I didn't know who he was before I learned he was rude. James Corden on TV is a very likable guy. His whole persona is being kind of warm and giggly and just fun. He's a good time. He does carpool karaoke and he's quick to laugh and he can actually sing. He was in some Doctor Who episodes. I found him very charming.

Apparently he's not nice to waitresses. They're all giving him a hard time about it. As if waitresses aren't here to absorb our abuse. As if they're not on earth for us to talk down to give it to me waitresses only exist to take out your frustrations on is your drink a little slow

is your food a little cold are your fries not crispy call her names fix it food slave wench i think yeah all right oh he didn't call him that? Because I just thought of the most old-timey, rude thing I could. No, that's me calling him that. Oh, wench. Yeah. Wench. Yeah. I thought food slave was pretty rude.

Soup wench! Did you call me a soup wench? Bring me my dinner and then blow me. You guys are so kind to use words. You don't just snap and point at your drink i just i return to the monkey i just make simian grunts at my given this guy a hard time as if waitresses are are equals um these roles here sell a thing ryanair banned him from flying on ryanair i need to know did he really

fly ryanair like i don't know if this is a thing at all i forget andrew tate got banned from airbnb and he's like i hadn't stayed in an airbnb in like seven years the tiktok facebook and youtube all banned me and then suddenly airbnb comes out of nowhere and bans andrew take to airbnb they're going out of business have you seen like the price of the stories and the prices seem it's been popular on reddit recently and it ties into my own experience like you see a you're like oh 150 bucks a night this seems so much cheaper than the hotel equivalent let's lock it in and then so whatever you stay for three nights it's 450 but the total bill becomes like 700 even like crazy shit i remember like 12 years ago like finding my people being

like you gotta check out vrbo vrbo is vacation rentals by owner they got scooped up by airbnb eventually but if you go to vrboBO, it's all the same listings together. Anytime we travel around the country, it'd be like, no, no, no, no. I don't have to buy four hotel rooms or two and make everybody double bunk. I can get a goddamn house for a third of the total price.

Did I mention it's a house? It has a kitchen. Everything. Everything that a house comes along with. We're not that a house comes along with. We're not sharing some... Hotels suck. If you want to stretch your legs and go outside and have a phone call loudly or something,

if you're like, God forbid, you've got a lady with you and you want to have loud sex even. If you've got expensive things that you'd like to just leave on a table, well, how many people have a goddamn key to this room right you can't leave them now if you leave something behind in there oh my god did they go right back in there and steal my gun that i left on the nightstand if i'd been at a vrbo i could have turned around and went back and get it gotten it vrbo just killed it but now the prices are just way out of whack and covid did it i think i think covid's a big part of it those cleaning fees are awful yeah the cleaning fees can be like 250 350 dollars and that changes the whole like that's

a significant impact on the cost per night yeah and then sometimes there's other fees you don't like hosting fee 159 what's a hosting fee yeah that's what i thought i was paying that's the price that is a hosting fee you cocksuckers. I think the hosting fee is like, it sounds like Airbnb's cut is what it sounds like to me. Like, hey, we're hosting this ad maybe for these people who are hosting a house and we take 150.

But that's not it, I don't think, because they're taking all sorts of cuts along the way. They hit you so many times up for cash along the way to the checkout point on an Airbnb now. It's almost never worth it unless you're going for like a unique experience. You want to stay in a treehouse? Go for it. I love it when the opposite happens. Like Google Fiber, it's $79.99.

And when they send you the bill, I'm like it's still 79 99 i thought for sure there'd be like taxes and fees and weirdness and and stuff the the bill was the advertised price and and that's just not how cable works yeah but and that's not how airbnb works i'm almost shocked when i'm not dinged here and there. Are the cleaning fees? They're putting hundreds of dollars in cleaning, just basically as a cash grab to pretend that they're spending $300

on deep cleaning. They're a profit center. I didn't understand it to be that way. My perception was that they always hit you for some little cleaning thing, but they weren't really cleaning the place they just go over there and sweep up a little right but now because i think airbnb is holding them to a standard because of covid because of liability reasons like if you start a goddamn

outbreak in this house because you didn't actually do the cleaning that we so people had to be like okay uh what does it cost to get a place professionally cleaned? And they're like, oh, well, $150. No, no, no, but we got to have it cleaned to this spec so that no viruses exist. And they're like, oh, $375 for that place. And then they try to squeeze you for another $25 profit because why not? And you're paying $400 cleaning fee on this big-ass house that you used to be able to get for $200 a night

and thank your lucky stars. It really sucks. I mean, maybe I'm cynical, but I don't think the Airbnb owner was sending in a suited team to scrub stuff down. The wolf from PlayStation. Yeah, they were vacuuming,

cleaning off the counter, and then going, $300 in my pocket. What I don't like is they charge you a $350 cleaning fee, but they also make you clean it. I want you to do all the dishes, put the dishes back in the cabinets, take the put it in the thing take the trash can oh that

bring them to the curb do all that bullshit or there's fines and it's like whoa what is in the cleaning fee or there's a hotel which does all that stuff and it's baked in like i'm i'm back on the more hotel wag like when we were booking my wife and I were booking a vacation, we looked at Airbnbs and we'd see on the little sheet $150 a night. This is a great deal. And you get to the end and you're about to book and it's like, wait, five nights, $150 a night, $1,400.

Okay, well, I'm not a mathematician, but this is bad. And then you look at a great hotel and it's like, oh, well, we'll just pay the $220 a night and not deal with all the asshole bullshit. And we'll know, we can get room service oh everything's gonna be taken care of like they know what they're doing there's some there's a movie coming out too this isn't gonna help airbnb either there's a movie about um like a lady shows up to her airbnb and there's a guy already there and he's like the fuck i yeah i'm mark i i booked the place and she's like i'm

karen i booked the place too and she's like well I'm Karen. I booked the place too. And she's like, well, I'll get out of your hair. And she's like outside in this sketchy ass neighborhood trying to get a phone call. And he's like, look, why don't you just stay? Look, that door has a lock on it. You go in there. Here's my ID, my driver's license. Here, take pictures of it. Send it to your

friends. And then I could tell the trailer was about to get spooky. And I was like i'm gonna watch this i'm gonna watch it that sounds good i'm excited about that yeah like sometimes it's like can i just see the whole movie with kyle telling me about it what you really mean kyle will you tell me a story kyle will you tell me a story about a movie you watched last night i'm gonna mute this and you read the closed captions to me tell me a story. Kyle, will you tell me a story about a movie you watched last night so I don't have to watch it?

I'm going to mute this and you read the closed captions to me. I can't wait for Kyle with his grandkids. They're like, tell me a story Uncle Kyle or Grandpa Kyle. How will Kyle get grandkids? Grandnephews, maybe. Starts describing L.A. Constitution.

I tell my dogs all sorts of stories. They don't seem to follow along very well but but they like it they're happy you're talking they're happy this dog is so fucking big he's getting like like he's already like 25 30 pounds or something like he's enormous at nine weeks old like he's huge yeah he's gonna get to be a 70 pound boy he's very cute he's a real cocksucker he he chewed up my razor earlier, so I gotta order one of those. I still haven't done that. He got into

some sunscreen that had toner in it the other day and had all the fuck over him, so he was painted. I had to give him a bath last night. He's a real motherfucker. He's a real motherfucker. What's his name again? Toby. What's the other dog's name rocky

we've settled on a name yeah rocky rocky is the malamute um with the health problems uh i'm currently shoving antibiotics down rocky's throat twice a day along with i also have these anti-nausea drugs that they usually prescribe for like dog chemo. And so I shoving those down his throat too. A little hairless dog. What is your technique for force feeding a dog? I take two fingers and I go around the snoot and I grab the front teefees and then I elevate the snoot and then I come in from the side with a cheesy wrapped pill

and I just push it to the, I just push it all the way back down in there real quickly. And then I release and it gobbles them up. He doesn't really have much choice. I have a much different technique. I don't know if it's better. Slingshot. I hold the mouth open and then I'll hold it open from the top.

I put the pills deep in his mouth. If I put it on the front of his tongue, he'll spit them out. Oh, no. You need to deep throat those pills, right? Get them in as far as you can. Yeah. Then I hold his mouth together, and then he just, like, he resists for a while. Eventually, he gets a swallow or two against his will, and then that's the end of it.

It's down. I didn't find that to be necessary, but I was for that i was prepared for that you guys need pill pockets my dogs love pill pockets they're all about them no see so the problem is he wakes up and his other anti-nausea pill has worn off and because he has a sinus infection it's draining like dirty mucus down his throat all day and he's a sinus infection it's draining like dirty mucus down his throat all day and he's swallowing it so he's nauseous and not and he won't eat so like the most delicious sausage thingy ever like he's just like no boss i can't eat right now so you've got to force the anti-nausea pills into him so that he'll eat food

which he needs for his antibiotics it It's great. We got his blood work back today. I came back. Free dogs are such a cost savings. There's no such thing as a $25 dog. He's got his liver enzymes, his white blood cell

count. He's a heavy drinker. Also, his thyroid's a bit elevated, they say. We we're gonna have to look into that hey puppy you need a pituitary gland surgery let's get your doggy brain surgery on the you're gonna be giving your dog fucking lithium pills and cheese you know what saved money mercury pills the designer dog cost about a grand all in all the fucking 25 mud i'm into for at least 1200 at least oh i hear you i've been there i've taken both these roads toby was a hell of a deal toby's a real good boy um i love it taylor unabashedly has a favorite child

you have a dog you like and a dog I don't I'll tell you about it every minute I bet Rocky's a good guy but Toby's the winner Toby's the cuter he's just a better dog Rocky's really smart

he's neurotypical so Rocky jumps into my spot on the couch it's like i've got like a like a chase lounge type thing so like there's one spot that's like the spot and i come back and like he's in my spot and he's looking at me all sad he's like oh man yeah are you comfy there buddy and he's like looking at me like yeah boss i I'm real comfortable. I literally grab all my shit, my phone, my soda, my vape, all my accessories. I'm like, all right, come on, everybody. We're going to go in the other

fucking living room. We're going to watch TV in there. Rocky's comfortable in here. I literally gave him my spot and went and used the smaller TV. You're very courteous. He's very lucky you came into his life. If don't like treat them well then i feel guilty and i don't want that so so i'll keep being nice of course um i right now

i'm in here sequestered with a like 15 year old pomeranian that has a heart murmur and a cough so i'm babying her right now she also she takes six pills a day you're running your own little hospice. She doesn't like to take her pills either, but you can't force them down her throat because she's got a heart murmur, so you've got to trick her. You've got to trick her. Do you ever go like,

are you ready for your pills? Right now! Like, try and spook her. It's a real fucking shit show around here. Yeah, I know. She's coughing right now. It's a whole fucking thing. I can hear the dog coughing.

Yeah, yeah. It's real pitiful. I get all sorts of drugs pumping through this dog. show around here she yeah i know she's coughing right now it's a whole fucking thing yeah yeah she's it's it's it's real pitiful i get all sorts of drugs pumping through this dog system different in my house my dog enderman he sleeps in the same bed as jackie and i and if he is where my feet are he knows that is a dangerous spot to lay like he sees me coming he's like oh get out of here because i will put my feet where I want them. Guaranteed. Right. I don't know.

We can do the machine gun feet. We can do pointy toes underneath him. You know, like he's on top of the blanket. I will pointy toe that fucker. But he knows he's not going to like that spot. Jackie wakes up in the morning and she's like, my ankles hurt. He's so heavy on him. You mess you mess with the bull you get the horns you gotta be a bull baby she's a cow over there getting abused by this great dane it's easy to like i'm picturing my 12 pound dog and i'm

like god i can't i'd be like a trebuchet launching him if i kicked him and i'm like oh i have to remember that woody has a small horse-sized dog that cannot that does not mind the pokey toes other than like that are you fucking kidding me man god damn it like oh i want to talk about this before uh he came back because i don't think he plays video games we've been playing um a good bit of sea of thieves a few hours that game's actually fun now all right so so i got the game pass on Xbox, so I've got it. Download it. Here's the quick lowdown on Sea of Thieves. People are bad at making YouTube videos. I can make good

gaming videos. Y'all know how to condense your fucking thoughts, y'all losers. I guess the algorithm lets y'all go long for too long, and you don't have to fucking put this shit together anymore. This is a game where you've got a lot of PvEers, and you can go in there as a PvPer, and you can run shit on them, and they'll be upset. You can make people mad in this game, and they got a lot of PV ears and you can go in there as a PVPer and you can run shit on them and they'll be upset.

You can make people mad in this game and they will talk back in mics and cry and call you the F word. Don't report them. We don't want to punish that. We want more of that. We want to be called the F word. Is the F word implying you're gay or sexually active?

You're going to hear them both in a certain sequence okay they always come in the the same sequence you're gonna hear them back to back and uh but you've also got and pc guys you got xbox kids to shit on right these guys have a fucking controller all right they can't and this is a game where like hitting your shots matters you're using blunderbusses and pistols all right other than that if you just want to go into the world and do these little quests and shit, you can do that. What's it all about, though?

All the money you acquire. It doesn't matter what you get. All the shit you get. It's all about looking cool. It's all about drip. It's all about your cool pirate outfit. That's all it is. And not just your outfit, but everything cosmetic you can imagine.

You can buy like fucking like money for money, but fuck that shit. Nobody does that. That's cool. You want to earn. So like like you can trick out the ship you can trick out your pirate and you might think that's lame but trust me when you get on that pirate ship with three of your boys and and it's like yeah you you tighten this and i'll tighten that and i'm steering here and you got a guy downstairs looking at the map he's like three degrees to the starboard sir and then we start role playing and then some guy starts playing a sea shanty and we're singing along it's fun we were doing this sound like a bunch of we you can jump in and immediately have fun we jumped in like immediately went and like took on like a little skeleton for it that's right

there on the map 10 minutes from joining the game we're fighting skeletons on their little island and we're winning and we've got all the loot and we're like trucking it back to our ship and real people have shown up and they have set our boat on fire and now and now and now we're it's a shit show because we don't know whether to be army men sailors or firefighters yeah so we all try to be that we all try to be all three at the same time so we're bumping into each other with buckets and pistols out at the wrong time like i've got my and and and now we're on fire and and that some of us don't know how to heal can you run into the sea and yeah of course but the whole time these assholes are continuously shooting our boat so i'm patching holes up with a hammer and and getting

the water that's leaking in and using it to put out the fires and somebody's out there pulling a rope to get our broken mass to stand up. And then somebody's trying to shoot them and kill them and prevent them from hurting us anymore. And none of it worked out. We all died and I hated it. That's how I knew it was a good game because I hated what they did to us. And now I know that I can do that to someone else and they will hate it just as much. I want to be, when we play, I want to prioritize really getting into the spirit of being a pirate and the most pirate thing you can do is not going on quests for yourself. It's

finding other people to to board. You can literally raise a flag called a Reaper flag and you can just be, everybody sees you coming but you get bonuses for killing them I think, like more treasure. And when you sink someone, like if you're doing missions, you're like going from point A to point B a lot.

Lots of fetch quests and you get there and you have to either have to you have to fight off um ai dig up treasure fill your boat up but nobody wants to immediately go back and sell it because you're a boat it's not a spaceship it takes a while to get places so boats will be stacked with loot and when you sink somebody's boat that's their that's their respawn point once you get that boat down they're fucking dunzo and all their loot floats up and then we just do this you have a harpoon gun so one guy shoots the loot with a harpoon it like sucks it back i twist it over here so my boy can grab it and he stacks it and we're just stacking loot on top of loot every time we sink somebody so that has been fun

uh i'm gonna be playing a bunch more um um with with dirty and those guys i haven't played in years quest like again like it's a sandbox game so we can just go and like roll out and be out there all day in a huge map and never run out of fun stuff to do or we can be like all right here's our mission i bought this quest uh we're gonna go to this island find it on the map if you can it looks like a chicken wing with an with a dot to the south um you find it make your course you go there you dig up two chests take them back and sell them like you could be as easy as that or you can go on this really different uh up to four on a boat can the boat sizes change and but you can do multiple boat alliances so you could have like two boats of four going together

if you really wanted to be kind of OP and roleplay and stuff. I'm sure that would be interesting. Did you play with four last time? There were three of us playing earlier today. I'm going to try to get a full party after the show tonight, if I can. I've got one guy who's actually good, and I guess what I'm saying here, I always try to

do this. If any of you are out there who are pirate legends, I prefer if you're on PC because that's real pirate legend no offense to you Xbox kids but uh if you want to hop on over here and uh play with us a little bit that would be I like it when Kyle does this right he'll pick up some Swedish guy who barely knows anything about painkiller already but is amazing yeah and sea of threes I have done that before yeah i heard you were looking for i heard you were looking for the ringer yeah i will do i think you kind of did that with a couple games where he's like hey taylor this guy plays company of heroes too but he's like rank four in the world and i'm like oh neat and then like in the middle of the conversation the guy's like so you mentioned uh

you do a podcast or something yeah and i'm like how did you loop in with this guy like i'm such a nerd that i look at like a call of duty leaderboard and i see the guy who's like eight and i'm like oh what a he must be a celebrity in his town like everybody's like hey slick luke how many kills today but in reality it's just some guy who would love to have more friends probably and so you like hit that guy up you're like hey man you're killing it you'll come roll with us and it'll be like yeah like most of the time and then you know i've got a pretty cool social group where i'll get along and we don't pick on each other as long as nobody steps out of line somebody tonight said something silly and got kicked on out.

You're being a negative Nancy. Boop. No, it was somebody. Oh, that's the other fun thing. If you're just jokingly kicking people out, you can vote people into the brig on the ship. If somebody's being a dick, you're like, alright man, if you don't want to look after the

anchor, if you don't want to help us fish, then how about you get in the brig, bitch? And we all just vote. Now you're literally behind bars in the bottom of the ship. Like, come on, guys. I can't play now. Are you ready to fish? In Minecraft, on my

servers, we had a jail that we would put people. And the only purpose of this jail was if you were mean to an admin, they could put you in there and time out for a while like oh are you saying something disrespectful whatever i put them in jail and then we had signs you could click on and stuff that would give you free snowballs so all the people would throw snowballs at you while you rotted in jail for the next nine minutes it was a good way to handle problems i like that yeah i like that nine minutes that's enough time

to be like god damn it like yeah yeah like you're not going to have fun for that. As a matter of fact, you're going to be embarrassed. Everyone's got a real penalty box. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I wish more games had a penalty box like that because you really,

like any game where you can just quickly start like mashing that one, the a button and like get right back into it. I don't like that shit anymore. I don't play that shit anymore. Like, like get out of here. He mashed the button hard enough that it didn't hurt very much that that i did that to him nah but i don't want to play this game if you can mash the a button hard enough that it doesn't hurt when you die then

that's not a cool game anymore you should have to be you should you should be sitting there watching that screen trying to do the math on how to recover from what just happened well i guess i could sell my uh like all my backpacks i don't need those clearly i'm just filling them up for somebody else you said you uh you said you killed someone in the party because they were being kicked oh no oh no i kicked some some fucking rando who it doesn't matter he was like i don't think kyle really understands how to drive the ship oh i don't think you understand how it works in here i'm not just the captain i'm not just the captain of this vessel i'm the captain of this little audio chat we're in this crew

you're gonna get a worse Discord title because I can change your name in Discord on the server, you know that. You're telling your fellow crew members like, anyone who takes this fellow's side will be banned from the Discord. Take this ruffian's side

at ye own peril. A bit of a dictatorship in there. What was the... Something else. Life is full of hierarchies and in Discord, God's at the top. I mean, I put my badge on and everything when I'm in there. I have to.

Reverb appearances. It's not about me. You keep up the performance. Okay, Rachel Walker. It's about the position. It's about the rank. Look, when y'all salute me when y'all come to the meetings and everybody salutes me they know they're not just saluting me, they're saluting the rank okay

and when Kyle insists that it has to be a Roman salute, that's his preference that's right, and when I force everyone to kiss the rank what's the Roman salute? it's the Nazi salute I had a feeling it's rather unfortunate no, Taylor? It's the Nazi salute. I had a feeling.

It's rather unfortunate. No, none of that's true. Have you ever seen a TV show where they do a salute like this? They go like... And I'm like, huh? Because I'm always like, are they stopping there? Okay, they're stopping there. They might give you a second pop, but they're never extending that arm again.

Maybe you go down. You'll even, sometimes in shows about Roman people, they'll cut it short down there and it's like, guys, come on. They didn't know about Hitler. That's the one. Maybe do one of these and bow and just pretend like that was the historical

Roman salute. Can you imagine how much lighter it would have felt if Hitler did finger guns? If he had ruined... Finger guns wouldn't... But anyway, Sea of Thieves is really fun. There's also monsters in the sea. You can go PvE that stuff.

We killed a Megalodon. It's meat. It's meat? Oh, I was going to ask, do you have to start with a little ship and then evolve and like build to a larger ship?

So like you can, no, you can get in the gigantic ship if you want, but it's easier to pilot a small ship. Like a big galleon is this big honking

gigantic thing with three levels. It doesn't go by party size? It does. So when you play with four, you've got to be on the big ship, I think. There's three sizes of ship. But it's just've got to be on the big ship i think there's three sizes of shit but it's just way harder the smallest ship has a maximum of two on it and that

what i can operate a ship by myself if it's the little ship but the big fucking ship has three different masts so three different sails and it's too much to even the the anchor on that one's too much for one person to deal with but yeah it's really fun um i'm hoping that i was asking the guy that uh it was he was like yeah i just joined this discord like yesterday i'm like and you're a pirate legend he's like yeah what a perfect coincidence let's go so um to be a pirate legend you've got to jump through a lot of hoops i think that's like a oh is that an actual yeah yeah yeah i should have specified yeah he's a tent prestige yeah. I thought this was like your perception of who is and is not a pirate legend. No, I mean a literal, like, that's your rank. You are a pirate legend.

You have to jump through a lot of hoops and grind the fuck out of the game, from what I understand. So he's a good guy to have around. Yeah, you want somebody who knows what they're doing, because it seems like a game where you can waste your time. I mean, it's all a waste of time, but, you know, maximize it. It's all a waste of time. but you know, maximize your fun. You wouldn't want that. There's nothing but a waste of time about killing that Megalodon and feasting on its prehistoric meat.

Meg meat, yeah. You cook that Meg meat up. That's the good stuff, because that's how you heal with food items. And so the more exotic food items give you better healing and special kinds of how often are you running into people every few minutes not i think if we were looking for it i think that we would find more people and we could also server hop you know just go from one server to another until we find one that has people who are kind of doing more of a pvp thing

so i think if we wanted that we could get more of it but i hadn't played the game in like think if we wanted that we could get more of it but i hadn't played the game in like four years five years even so i'm just kind of catching up and they've added so much it's been one of those ever-evolving games there wasn't shit to do when i started playing the game you just sailed it was sail simulator yeah are we ready for a new topic yeah yeah taylor what is the kind of crab that you prefer? Snow crab. You're aware it's canceled, right? A billion of them gone. How do you lose a billion of anything? I heard rumors there are at least 900 million shipped to St. Louis. I want to point fingers.

I had dozens of people tweeting that article at me. People being like, hey, is this you is this you it's like yeah it's me i would i'm glad i'm glad to be the crab king i'm really worried about what this is going to do to to poor midi at least catch because we haven't laid this out yeah the audience said um the alaskan snow crab season has been canceled this year. 90%, 90% of the population is just missing. They're not where they normally are. They don't know if they migrated north into colder waters, if it's a climate change thing. They don't know if they went to Russia. I personally think there's some comrade Pied Piper that led them all to Russia. That's my own theory. I'm just

going to work with me. But for whatever reason, 90% of the population has been wiped out and they canceled the fishing season this year. So I don't know if snow crab come from places other than the Bering Sea. I don't know what happens to the TV show. I don't know. I mean, like if

Russia does control the global supply of crab that's quite a bargaining chip for me the nordstrom pipeline now we have real sacrifices we're making here shit's getting real in my house now wait now this impacts me it's not funny so well i hope they get to the bottom of it i hope it's not one of those things that we never hear about again like every two months on reddit there's a cure for cancer that i hear about and then it's like wait what happened to that cure y'all had last time uh so i hope that doesn't happen here i want

to i want some follow-up i want to know what happened to these crabs like are they dead or did they move they had to have just moved somewhere else they would find a billion dead crab somewhere if they were all just in the normal place i don't know how many like what percentage of the population is normally wiped out by fishing season like i don't know not 90 i wouldn't guess i i wouldn't think 90 either that sounds really high but if you were to tell me actually they wipe out half the population and since each crab has like 97 babies it gets replenished just fine i'd be like oh okay i didn't know crab the crab give birth to live young right they start out as uh they do they start as as little crabs no they start out as little amoeba crabs it must be eggs right like like like frogs like tadpoles and then

they grow the legs out of the that's not the case how How do crabs get born? I had to think about it for a second because I was like, I don't want to look stupid here. No, he's wrong. He's wrong about that. There's no crab to crab poles. That's not the case. Taylor, where do crabs come from? When a mommy crab and a daddy crab love each other very much.

I don't know. That's one of God's histories. They like fucking eggs, right? They like fucking eggs. I thought I would have guessed like fish. It looks like one of the... All right, here's my guess. I think that crab mamas lay that big clutch of eggs somewhere,

and then a crab daddy comes over and just jizzes all over them with one of those big clouds. I've seen a lot of sea life reproduce that way. And then they go their separate ways. I just can't imagine two crabs banging. I don't think that's going to happen. Blood crab breeding IVF.

Good God. Just show me them fucking... Maybe I can see where it would go i can okay okay here's what happens the male crab fucks the female crab and then in some sort of baby trapping crab madness she can hold on to that sperm for up to a year oh okay when she produces the eggs and they pass out of that out of her body she takes the sperm from that dude and fertilizes the eggs as she extrudes them. And that's as far as I got. There's another animal that does this.

I was just watching something the other day. I can't remember the name for it. It was a cool word for that kind of reproduction that she can store that sperm for so long. For a long time. It's not like a week or a month or a year. She can hang on to that sperm until she's ready to make eggs. For crabs, it was a year. One out of every million eggs survives to be an adult.

0.0001% of eggs become adults. Wow. That makes sense because they're just feeding progressively larger fish and animals as they're growing up. Yeah, larger crab. Yeah, have you ever seen a crab like near its – like you've seen like the crabs on the beach that are running towards the water and like the mother crab is just sitting there like casually eating her babies.

Yeah, it's upsetting. It's real upsetting. You know what else does that? Like anything that eats their babies is real upsetting to me. Like hamsters will do that. Cats do that. Hedgehogs do that too because I know like – I don't know if cats do, like hamsters will do that. Cats do that. Um, um, um,

hedgehogs do that too. Cause I know like, I don't know if cats do, but I bet they do. I don't think cats do that, man. Um, I was, I wasn't going to dispute it,

but I certainly wasn't co-signing. I was glad I slipped up past the goalie. Yeah. They'll, they'll eat their fucking young, but I've seen, um, those,

those spiders that'll like be like oh yeah let me grab one oh yeah that's pretty good well i got you guys up there to keep me well fed in these hard times it's pretty fucked up really until you get to mammals parents are awful do you want to go into an abortion bit now, or should we just go somewhere else? I'll let you take the reins if there's somewhere to go. I was saying, like, think about reptile parents. Horrible. They eat their own children often.

Amphibian parents. Not that familiar, but I'll guesstimate that they're not good. Mammal parents, they'll actually hang out some of the time. I've seen some of those crocodiles, or those alligators, rather, you know, carrying their babies in their mouth, you know, out to the water. I have seen that. those crocodiles, or these alligators, rather, carrying their babies in their mouth out to the water. I have seen that. That's pretty cool. I think the fact that baby sea turtles are left on their own to find the sea is not that cool.

They should be riding the backs of big old tortoises. Yeah. I do think that's poor leadership. It'd be hard to get up there, though. Because those tortoises know every one of these little fuckers has the potential to be 120 like me and they just have they don't get more right here we both caught on tortoises i'm pretty sure tortoise means land down land it's actually tortoise when we're talking plural

there's no way tortellines uh not only are they not tortoises they're definitely not tortoise that's when there's stuff with cheese when it's those are delicious I hope they find the crab I hope they find them okay I hope that

they got sucked like the ocean opened up like the bottom of the sea floor opened up and like one of those other dimensional portals opened up, all the crab got sucked in, and whatever otherworldly godly beings lived on that other dimension, they had crab, and they got a taste for it now.

And then come back, they're going to want more. They are going to want more. It's delicious. Crab season last year was weak, but it did happen. Which Deadliest Catch would be a much better show if they fought aliens snow crab has gotten so fucking expensive over the past year like we eat

it very very very rarely but like probably like once a year or something we'll like my wife will do like a big like cajun style crab boil and we'll do that with like the andouille sausage and the potatoes and the all that shit and it's like last time we did it it was hundreds of dollars granted it was also enough to feed me and so it was a lot but it was also like we looked up afterward and it's like yeah we could go to a restaurant exact same price is there all you can eat snow crabs anywhere there used to be and then in biden's america there's there's no more of them well no they got rid of those a long time ago. I haven't been doing all you can eat crab place in a while. I remember we used to go to one when I was like

11, 12 years old with my grandparents and all you can eat snow crab place like 50 minutes south of Cape Girardeau, Missouri. And it was actually very good. And they like stopped offering it, I think as a result of us, because I would regularly as like a 12 year old, have them bring out like four meals for me where they'd be like, you almost done champ. And I'm like, no, no,

not even close. Keep, keep feeding me. And then half of you out of the blue here, if you were to name a year over under, when's your baby born? What year is it? It's 20,

20. Well, it depends on the the doctor meeting in january but maybe 24 i don't know maybe 24 maybe 24 that would be nice that's a good year to to be born a nice two four that's some four that's some white guy shit taylor you're like you know i think at the ripe old age of 33 i'll be settled in enough and financially secure to have my first child. Well, it's not. You should have six by now. I should. And they should all be farming like three of them will have died in infancy.

But no, the big thing holding us back now is just waiting for that next back appointment for her at Mayo Clinic just to make sure everything's looking good or as good as we can hope. And then we're kind of going to take that as an okay or as much okay as you can get. So we're fingers crossed, very tightly fingers crossed that we get nothing but good news at the Mayo Clinic visit in January. And then I think we're going to go on a uh a big vacation somewhere and maybe maybe uh maybe we come home take care of it then yeah yeah yeah one thing that's definitely true and a lot of people are saying this woody is a good name for a boy or a girl

it's true just throwing that out there i was was thinking Woody for boy, girl, Matt. That works. This is my son, Matthew Kyle Woodworth Myers. In honor of my internet friends. I like it. I like it a lot. Matthew Kyle Myers Woodward. Look at that. Get your ass in here.

Just keep it going. We work our wigs in there. Matthew Kyle, Wigs of Redemption, Myers Woodward. Stop that. What would your uncle stink?

You should have jumped on Darktide with us. I know you were busy. My friends and I did this motorcycle trip. It was too long. I did not expect that from you about a motorcycle trip. Too long. It was off-roading for eight hours. i have a good time off-roading but i'm kind of a five-hour guy the last three hours am i alone in thinking i wish we were back to the trucks like in the last

three hours i was just like i just want to get back to my truck without injuries. I just want to go home. It started raining, and my helmet has a visor, of course. So now there's dots all over it. There's leaves falling and rocks poking up through the leaves subtly. And I can barely see through the raindrops on the visor. The sun is setting. The rocks are already mostly obscured. And I'm like, I just want to get home on these wet leaves without hurting myself, without falling onto one of these hidden pointy rocks that knocks me over.

But it was a good time. I was so sore. I stopped lifting for the next three days. Sometimes you got to recover. It's okay. It was hard. I lifted today. Good.

It's my off day. Oh, it was one of those. Like, I lifted. I didn't. Good. It's my off day. Oh, it was one of those like I lifted. I didn't want to. I didn't feel like it. I kept looking. Am I almost done? And then after I was done, I was like, yeah, you did it anyway. Usually I don't I'm not like struggling in the middle of a workout.

Like if I can make myself do the first set of like bench or whatever the first thing is that day, like by the time I'm done with it, I'm like, I'm feeling like, I'm glad I'm doing this. Like, okay, I'm doing something good. You should feel good about yourself for not being a bum. And that kind of rides me through. Sometimes I like, I'll like literally look up like, is there like a workout motivation video or something I can watch? And then like, usually it'll just be a jacked guy or joe rogan there's actually a very good joe rogan workout motivation video i remember i watched quite a few times like many years ago when i was first getting into lifting and it was it's it's a good one it's a good one but like yeah today i so i started up

i do a little warm-up i do my pt for my foot it's part of my warm-up now and uh then i do a bench with an empty bar and i do 135 and then i start my actual flat bench cool i am so demotivated for some reason i did my first set of flat bench and i rested like 18 minutes can i still even count that set? So long ago. Just almost through an episode of Seinfeld. I guess I should keep going. The whole workout took way longer than it should have. But in the end, it was like, hey, I did all the reps.

I did it. I worked. I lifted. I didn't lift light or anything. I lifted at my weight. Good. You should feel good about that. Way harder to do than when you want to do it. I lifted, you know, I didn't lift light or anything. I lifted up my weight. So good. I should feel good about that. Yeah.

Harder to do than when you want to do it. Right. Getting cold. Now it's time to do that early morning. Burn your lungs out. Cardio. I love that. Really?

Are you sure? Because I've been told reliably by Bluetooth that spring has sprung. Let's hear from a couple of sponsors before josh comes back okay i don't want to do that for him this episode of pka brought to you by blue chew spring has finally come so let's help you do the same that's right this episode is sponsored by blue chew blue chew it's end of october we need another read man it fall is here let's keep you from doing the same with your dick in the bedroom you guys can have that one for no charge on that piece of fall is here and your erection couldn't be strong. Oh, fuck. What would be a good one? The leaves are turning magenta. Turn your dick purple.

It's autumn. And it's time to have women autumn these nuts. Okay, well, I'm just going to do. Times are getting hard, just like you. Times are getting hard. like you times are getting hard the war in ukraine you get your dick as hard as geopolitics oh the leaves may be falling but you don't have to join it even with the crisp air okay i see what you're trying for i don't know know. We'll let the pros at Bluetooth tell me what's...

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I do like that. I wish other sponsors would do that. Make us just flagellate ourselves on the shrine of wonky weeds or whatever the fuck. It says here we're not worthy of advertising us. Yeah, they say count your lucky stars, you losers.

God damn, we're getting hardcore. This episode also brought to you by Death by Gummy Bears and Wonky Weeds. Are you or a loved one sick of mediocre or even bad THC alternatives? I know I am. Well, we've got great news for you. Death by Gummy Bears dot com and Wonky Weeds dot com have

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or deathbygummybears.com and use code PKA20 for 20% off your order. Once again, wonkyweeds.com, deathbygummybears.com, code PKA20 for 20% off your entire order. That's a good deal. That's a hell of a deal. Some good savings. And also while supplies last, I guess they got another shipment and he told me because a lot of people have been buying these. On wonkyweeds.com you can buy these delta eight bars with the code pka free buy one get one free these are one gram delta eight uh vapes and delta eight i think i think it's pretty understood now is the weakest uh the least potent of these different kinds of thc alternatives so if you're looking for something a little more calm a little more mellow check these out pka free buy one get one and anything else, PKA 20 on either site.

You'll have to do different checkouts. THC has gone so mainstream now, my wife takes it. She is the last person who would ever be like pro pot or whatever. And now she took it without me. The night I went on my motorcycle trip, I went the night before because it was four hours away. And I didn't have to do that drive in the morning she's getting high on her own here at the house and i'm like i wonder how the wonky weeds fellas would know that they're funding jackie's trips she's trying to pass off being sober what did she take what did she take she

took half a wonky weed the gummy oh okay so that's 15 yeah yeah because the wonky weeds gummies are 30 a piece those are the weaker ones start with the wonky weeds gummies if you're yeah it's real easy when you go to this website seeing like what's what the wonky weeds like advertisement stuff is silly and the death by gummy stuff is not meant to be silly they that gummy bears eyes are bleeding for a reason those are strong the other ones are start off with the light stuff and then move on to heavy stuff if the light stuff uh you know gets easy oh yeah like weights or whatever but if you want something uh if you just want to vape that hits really hard and you're already like a weed smoker

or whatever and you want something that'll actually get you stoned this super silver haze hhc is so fucking strong. And apparently you never build up a tolerance because I've been looking on. Look, my boys over at wonky weeds or whatever, just send me this little box of these things like every week. And it's just like full of them. And the boxes just keep coming. And I keep getting high from these. They're very strong.

High-quality stuff. I think, I mean, we're selling so many. We really need a PKA, like, vape battery thing because, I don't know, I want our logo on this now. I want one of these that says RSK. I want that written on a Russian tank, and I want it written right here too. Let's do it. Maybe I want a picture of the tank with it written on it on here. Anyway, enjoy our drugs.

See, I'm too high now. Enjoy our drugs. They're very, very potent. Are the wonky weeds people okay knowing that they're funding Jackie's highs too? I don't think they do. They're happy with it. They want people getting high on their supply.

Because it's high quality stuff. It's good. Yeah. We say it multiple times, but don't fuck around with the Death by Gummy Bears ones if you do not have a tolerance. I have a high tolerance. I don't remember. I took some

a couple weekends ago, and I was vibrating through walls. I got my tolerance. So I stopped taking the gummies for about a month to like kind of do a tolerance break because I was up to the point where I could take four of them. I could eat 400 milligrams and I would be real high, but it wasn't too scary and it wasn't too much to handle. But it'll take you a while to build up that kind of a tolerance. Like at at first most people eat half of one and are very surprised and the scissor

we're done with the ad we should stop moving on to something it's real strong stuff yes this is the death by gumming yeah and be careful with the scissor because I know what Kyle was going to say that shit will fuck you scissor is strong I'm on the other end I like half or a full wonky weed.

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Maybe you're not interested in this. Maybe you're interested in the pre-workout. Well, save 10% off that with code PKA as well. Or the protein. 10% off everything. code PKA as well. Or the protein. 10% off everything. And Derek's protein actually tastes really good. A lot of protein tastes like dog shit. He really does.

He's mastered the melted ice cream flavor with the vanilla. I just outsource the responsibility of knowing what effectacious doses are. Like, you can buy a pre-workout of something, and they'll be like, eh, it's got creatine in it. And then I see Derek review it and he's like, do they think their customers are fucking morons? This has 500 milligrams of creatine in it.

That's an insult. And I'm like, oh, I don't know. I just checked the creatine box. Got it. I don't know what an affectation dose is. Do you guys ever watch stuff on YouTube that you don't know anything about and then you end the video feeling like almost smug, like we're like,

I'll watch like more plates, more dates. And they'll be like, here's something that you need to know. And he'll start it. And I'll be like, I didn't, I didn't know this was a problem.

And by the end, I'm like, yeah, all of these fools, like not knowing that it's super creatine, not real creatine, not like us though. Right. Derek, it's super creatine not real creatine not like us though right terry there is super creatine it's funny you joke about that there's all there's so many proprietary stupid uh creatines there yeah just just get some creatine uh that stuff i use is so cheap

we watch the opening seconds of this video this is a more plates more dates thing i think i've showed it before okay it'll be like the first 15 20 seconds you'll know when to stop it and and it it's the kind of shit i might fall for because i don't know what's supposed to be what all right here we go volume on you're a little kid who doesn't know how to read labels you we're putting in this ingredient at one milligram. So it makes it seem like the formula is more comprehensive. Eat my dick. Add his debt at one milligram. Like these two ingredients,

you might as well drop your nuts on my head. Like that's how bad this is. But I don't know. I don't know. I see it's in there and think, dude, I used to buy all of the't know. I see it's in there. And they can do it. I used to buy all of the snake oil when I was like 18, I would take all the money that I had and I would go to GNC.

And I, I remember there was this, it tasted so weird. It was black. It was a liquid. And I would take like little teaspoons of it and drink it. I don't even remember what it did. I don't know.

Nothing. It tasted so awful. and drink it. I don't even remember what it did! I don't know! It did nothing! It did nothing! It tasted so awful. Was it drinking a mystery black liquid for general health? I bought it off the shelf at GNC and it was for, I don't know, make you strong. And it just tasted awful and I would drink it and be like, oh, this is

terrible. I hope I'm getting strong. And then the creatine back then was Celltech. that was the brand oh yeah and cell tech came this huge canister at 70 or 80 dollars with it with tax you were almost at 80 dollars and it was mostly sugar and like fillers and fruit punch flavors and you had to take huge scoops of it to get the correct amount but they told you that you needed like way more than the correct amount and they told you you needed to um what what's uh not stack it um you need to like take a heavy dose to begin with to like load up on it to like get saturated which is i don't think you

need to do that that's nonsense anyway just just take five a day just trying to get you to work through the product so by the time you like did that double dose for a week or 10 days or whatever, you're running low out of your $70 worth of fucking cell tech. And it tastes like shit anyway. It's like, it's a heartburn that like burning your mouth and like, it's,

it's gross. Oh, it was all snake oil. I'd buy it all. And so it's, it's great to have Derek there or anybody there being like, Hey, this works.

That doesn't, this works. That doesn't, you know? And I like how Derek will even, we'll even talk about stuff like his video on like his glycerol that I'll use to like get a better pump. He'll, he'll be straight up and be like, is this really necessary? No, there's no world in which this is a necessary item. Will it give you a better pump yeah some people say it will and i for me it does so you know if that's what you're looking for this is a thing is it going to improve

your training no like and i'm like that's that's honesty like i believe i got 10 pounds of that shit downstairs yeah that builds up his credibility so when he's like this actually is an important amount of an important threshold to meet i'm like like, okay, well, I believe you there. You've done the due diligence, clearly. No, I like his content a lot. He's been on Rogan at least once, right? Or is it twice now? Twice, I think.

Hopefully a third one coming up soon. I saw Kamaru Uzman, by the way, for Taylor's benefit. Kamaru Uzman, one of the scarier human beings on the planet. What weight class is that is that one 190 170 the nigerian nightmare he just lost his championship but like he's coming right back to take it over again and uh he was on rogan show kind of talking about this big championship

loss he just sustained and he brought up derrick and he's like yeah this fucking nerd on the internet man he said he said i had he looked, he looked at these scars on my body, and they're from freezing off moles, and then they scarred up bad. But he saw them and said, oh, that's steroids for sure. I know it. And I was like, god damn, it hurt my feelings, man. Everybody in the comments. And I was like, Derek hurt Kamaru Usman's feelings.

Fuck yeah. That's great yeah and and to be and then joe's like oh yeah that's that's derrick from more plates more dates he hurt your feelings it's so great that joe's like shouted it out or just like you know had the answer right there he knew oh yeah i mean if you think about the joe rogan world like i don't really listen to his show but like all the you know workout science tech like supplement thing like who would be better as a guest then there's a tremendous guest because because joe's always coming up against that thing when he's talking about athletics sports anything that might be performance-enhancing adjacent where he doesn't have that hard data, that expert analysis,

and Derek can jump in and be like, ah, he tested for that? Oh, he tested for that? Well, bullshit. Nobody in his position would ever take that. And if they did, they'd never take it without this. Oh, he tested for this case closed then he's guilty yeah that's it he's like john jones yeah he took a gas station dick pill and that happened

and derrick's like well he was caught for six things at the same time and he like had his whole usada test results memorized and it was like yeah he just very guilty he that was not in a way a gas station dick pill yeah that's great um they need to just allow steroids in the ufc is that is there is there an argument in favor of that is anyone taking that man i think most people think that if the sports involved hurting each other performance enhancing drugs are a bad idea. Where's Vitor fighting now? Is he still fighting? He's TRT again. Oh, TRT tour

or whatever they call them. The reason I'm asking is because, and Overeem too, he's still fighting and he looks huge again. So wherever those guys are, they don't test. So nobody tests UFC. That USADA thing, i'm sure you've heard that it's an acronym right yes they're real deal they you know they supposedly they catch a lot of

people nobody's perfect they're the best there is exactly i am of the mind and i bet derrick would co-sign this if he were here that if you've got enough money you're not you're never catching me if you've got a chemist who's smart and uh and enough money they're never going to catch you what they might do is if your chemist is dumb and you don't pay them enough he might have a bigger clientele base than he should and then somebody shit gets tested 30 years from now oh yeah we we froze that guy's pee and 30 years from now they'll be able to test for what they're popping for. If they're making designer drugs that are meant to get around the test, they've already got the test, now they just got to beat it. That's a good position

to be in if you're some sort of genius chemist with unlimited funds. Yeah, I would think so. My understanding is, although the genius chemist is something I've heard before, when I hear the fighters talking about dodging USADA, they talk about the travel schedule. Yeah, you go train in Thailand, you go train in whatever, somewhere else that's a pain in the ass to get to, and the testers don't find you.

Yeah, I wonder, from the outside looking in, I think the two most important things, if you're cheating, the performance-enhancing substance you would want, you'd want something that's for recovery and healing, both for those nagging injuries between fight camps, but to have a good fight camp, to be able to get in. If you can do wrestling five more times in that six weeks than the other guy because you just heal up a little better and you can get in another practice,

you can get in those extra reps or whatever and get a little bit sharper and then still have that cardio and that edge when you get there. That EPO stuff that Dillashaw was using, massive. That's the other one. Like having more cardio than you should is huge too i agree with everything you said there are some steroids that help you retain muscle while you're in a calorie deficit it seems like steroids more or less testosterone is is great at that like that's one of the things like so when i was with an a that's all about retaining muscle while in a calorie deficit.

And of our end of our also known as Oxandrolone is like an oral steroid that mostly ladies do. But I don't think that's that that'll help you with strength. That'll help you with recovery. Not necessarily with it. It'd be like a like a plateau buster more than anything oh but but i must be thinking the wrong thing anyway but just having the enhanced testosterone when you go into a cut when your your body will hang on to the that muscle a lot better than it normally would because if you start starving your body it starts burning that muscle for i guess it's easier to burn than fat. I guess. I don't know.

It's more precious. It's so much more precious. You can buy fat so easy. You can have my fat. Yeah. Oh, man. If you can convince your body to do things like that, if you had a button right here in your wrist,

and you could be like, man, let's lower that cholesterol. You're being silly. If you can just dial this in i'd like how much would you pay to have someone lose a pound for you now you are good at losing weight so that's not a problem but there are people who aren't good at losing weight do you think like elon musk right now oh hey a hundred thousand dollars a pound yeah he needs to lose 40 pounds. He'd pay a million a pound. Maybe he would. Yeah.

You take 40 million off, 40 million would be no big deal to him, cash money, and a huge deal to him physically because he has that weird body that looks like a tinier human being is piloting him from the inside. Yeah, he does it.

It looks like he has a smaller man. Everyone stores their fat differently. I don't think I've seen a male who stores worst i've ever said badly his head yeah he looks like a you know how like different kinds of animators you find a picture like it looks like somebody's weird style of animation where like they're all upper body and then like stick legs like and like well i've never seen someone whose rib cage is wider than their shoulders yeah he's like a joke i'm close to that no you are not i have a weirdly large rib cage and it makes me look fat it's not fair like sometimes my t-shirts hang on my rib cage and then they're just loose

underneath it it's like no it should tighten it should look out oh my gosh gosh. You look nothing like that. That's not even the worst picture. He's not that bad. I'm going to say this. Look at the perimeter here. I think he's got a good outline. He just needs to lose some fat because his shoulders and arms

and his upper chest and all that looks great. He's just like 30 pounds overweight. I think he lacks chest muscle. It's hard to tell because there's so much fat. And he's so washed out right now because he's pale as everything. It looks like he's got traps and arms and stuff. I'm almost seeing a hint of abs and massive belly. You can see where they are because of the muscle.

Zach, enhance. Enhance, Zach. Do the thing. Yeah, there you go. Thank you. Jesus. Yeah, the magnifying thing. Enhance again.

His nipples are hard. He has pretty good nipples, I think. All nipples look good when they're hard. Again. But he doesn't have giant dish plates or anything. Again. I want to go into that nipple like this is magic fucking school bus and we're going in to find out what's wrong with him honestly that that photo that was way better than the other photo of him shirtless you you i think kyle showed us the one where he looks ridiculously proportioned that one looking to the left looks normally proportioned he just looks overweight

yeah like but you're right and that one he looks like if he lost some weight he would you know quickly start looking much much better i'm on a subreddit called progress pics and um it's guys and girls and they show their their progress some guys have added muscle. A lot of people have lost fat. Oh, yeah. He's just, that's a lot of body. I bet he's heavy. He's just dense. There's so much man there.

It's powerful. From that above his bathing suit to below his neck, there are people who don't have that much volume. It's like Danny De devito's chest he's he's almost angelic the way light bounces off of him he almost gives off an aura of majesty got a little calf definition considering oh those calves please they're doing work yeah i'm still getting me started on those guys but i was starting to say in the progress pic subreddit i see these before and afters and sometimes i see women who weigh a lot and look decent it's like your before picture at 172 looked pretty good like like where did you put all that fat you're

only 5'7 you weighed 172 and you looked okay yeah and then of course the after they weigh like 132 and they look amazing at that and what he's in the comments like bring back the thickness uh yeah yeah and and women body fat distribution like some of them are just gifted that they can carry some fat and look good and some of them are not yeah everybody's like that i mean elon musk if i were him like just well no because if you were a billionaire and you were just paying for like lipo all the time to lose weight like you wouldn't or what was the move lipos bad. So here. So Jackie had cosmetic surgery like 10 days ago, something like that on her face. And one of the things they did was fat grafting. So what they did is they took like a quarter pound from each hip.

And then with that, they had like an oversupply for where they wanted to put it on your face. I've learned about aging recently. So you would think fat on your face looks bad, right? If you're like me, fat equals bad. There's no question to it. It's as simple as that. Turns out it's not that simple. Maybe you can imagine an older woman

with like sunken in cheeks. They're just not, that just doesn't have fat anymore. And it looks old. What looks youthful and young is like a sort of pudgier face that still has fat. Like that sexy bunny

from the cartoons. Yes. Yeah. The fat that's right under your eyes droops down a little bit. It goes. So they cut out that fat pad and made a new one a little higher up

gross sure and um did they video any of this is this something that we're gonna you ever want to watch because that'd be cool no that'd be the weirdest like like halloween setup ever it's just like like a close-up of like the the facial surgery the outside next to the bowl of candy and then jack comes at him part of what she had done was fat put in like the good places in your face that makes you look more youthful anyway because of that we have this limited minor little experience with um lipo in her hips oh yeah so you can see how she needed fat like on either side of her nose, under her eyes, and it made her more youthful. Now this woman is not a dime piece

afterwards, but whatever. Oh god damn! Yeah, this poor lady catching strays. Not like this ugly bitch. I was going to go the opposite direction real quick just to be cool. She looks a lot better. What a handsome older lady there. What a dashing woman.

You see those beautiful eyes. Emerald green. I think they were blue. Not exactly a dime piece before or after. Jesus. Anyway, one of the hardest parts of the recovery for her has been the tiny amount of the quarter pound lipo

they took from each side. If you can imagine, front love handle is kind of where they took it from. And it sucks, apparently. She complains more about that than anything else. Have you ever seen an operation when they're doing it? Oh, they seem way too aggressive it looks like they're trying to like um clean grout they're like ah this is all gotta go it's like new stuff in here bob it's all rotting out

have you guys ever had um what is the vietnamese drink called a bubble tea? Yeah. It's like they use one of those bubble tea straws and just suck the fat out aggressively from under your skin. It's got a laser on the end or something, though. It's got some sort of a heating element or a laser or a photon blaster, or maybe it's got a phaser. A photon blaster?

Probably, yeah. Yeah, there might be... I think they have a singularity at the end. This is just like the Romulan space empire. It's a micro black hole. They have these small black holes they use to power their spaceships. It's not like the warp technology the Federation uses. They've got this whole antimatter thing.

Have you seen what happens when... I've seen those videos of it happening as they're doing the aggressive tapioca strawca straw push you can see the tip of it like as they go through like you can see it poking out the guys like belly like they're going so fast that like you would think they'd be like oh we're approaching the other side of the torso let's slow down and bring it back no they're just wham wham you can see the guys like stomach deforming with the point internally that's how you know these guys don't get paid by the hour. Yeah, those guys are fucking quick.

And everyone's like, ah, ah, I didn't realize it would hurt so much, this surgery. And they're like, oh, we did our best. I saw a TV show devoted to a guy who had lipo. And this guy wasn't really fat, fat. He just had a little extra, and he wanted to be thinner. He couldn't lose that last 15 20 pounds so he got lipo on his stomach and his takeaway was very he's like do not do this do not get lipo like it is so much easier to lose 15 pounds than to recover from lipo i buy that that makes sense yeah um it, it's real easy to lose that weight.

You just got to like get all that shit out of your house and you got to stop buying it and whatever's allowing you to buy it has to go to. And that means a woman, then she's got to fucking go. And if that means an app on your phone, then it's got to go. And if it means like your diabetic fucking grandma, that it might be time to move out homes.

But one way or the other, you got to change your environment. You got to change what's around you before you change what's in you. Because if there's Oreos there, I'm going to fucking eat them. I had luck with food substitutes. Like, I just figure out, look, all the things I substitute with are not as good. I used to have real cream in my coffee. Now I have like almond cream or something.

20% of the calories, 80% is good. It's a good deal. I'll take it. And I have stevia in my coffee instead of sugar. Not as good as sugar, but it's zero calories and it's a good trade. And this concept of like, oh, it's a good trade. This is a sacrifice that I can live with long term has been what's worked for me. Yeah, it's getting those.'s getting the it's getting those.

It's the same concept of like, you know, building a little bit of wealth, right? Getting rid of those monthly payments is kind of helpful, right? And if you've got a daily intake of 50 calories, boom, every day, right in the morning, that little teaspoon of sugar, 50, 50, 50, 50. And you can just imagine that montage in your head, right? It doesn't take long it's uh 700 days uh until you every two years you're getting a pound fatter just because of that teaspoon that you're putting in there and that's going to add up over a few years you know at a high school

right and you do that with every all day every day with little replacements i like these i don't know why everybody in the health industry well some people shit on soda and the whole thing about um kidney stones oh that's genetic that's genetic i've never had a kidney stone in my life and i drink nothing but soda they're all i drink nothing but soda and my and my blood work is like immaculate. Like all of my health numbers will be just dialed in perfectly. All diets. Banging 30 sodas a day. Just all day. I basically hydrate now with Stevia lemonade.

And if you were to taste the lemonade in my house, you'd be like, that's a sacrifice, I guess. This is not as good as real lemonade. That's true. like that's a sacrifice, I guess. Yeah. This is not as good as real lemonade. That that's true. Do you get the diet lemonade that Jackie makes it? I think she uses actual lemon juice and Stevia. The diet minute made. We don't need vitamin C that bad.

We can get that from OJ later. If we really need some vitamin C is a fool's errand. They make diet. Sure. I get it. One of my pills, they make diet lemonade. That's wonderful.

And it's like 30 calories a glass or something like like it's a small amount of cow and you can mix it half and half with your unsweet tea with a bit of the sweetener in and then you got your like sunbeam nonsense or whatever joy yeah yeah so the sun joys from uh chick-fil-a chick-fil-a is the only place that could be that anti-gay and not get canceled because they're just so good at what they fucking do. They don't call it an Arnold Palmer at Chick-fil-A. They're still supporting those organizations. They were like, fuck you. We don't care.

Eat our chicken. I don't give a shit what they're doing on the back end. That's good chicken. And they're doing. I don't care. Every time I show up, everybody's nice. Everybody's friendly. So fucking nice. Everybody's friendly.

So fucking nice. And good looking. Yeah. How do they hire all upper class white kids at every Chick-fil-A I've ever been to? They're wearing khakis up there. They must be the ones applying. Some of these boys are clearly named Noah. It looks like Sunday school. Yes.

Yes. It's like a... You nailed it. That's such a fucking funny way to say that, Woody. Yes. I love going there. Some guy named Noah takes my order. Let me describe Noah.

Let me describe Noah. Noah could lose 10 pounds. He's wearing khakis. He has a light blue button-up shirt tucked in. He has a clipboard in one hand. He has blonde hair. It's a little long, but he has a big smile on his face, and he's happy to see you. Welcome to Chick-fil-A, motherfucker.

How can I help you? Oh, yeah? It is a wonderful, blessed day, isn't it? And he's got your... Oh, yeah? When's your order going to get here? It's already here. Look in your passenger seat.

That's how fast I know it will go. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack. It's already here. Guess again. You're already eating. Look in the back seat. Your children have been eating the whole time. They're amazing at Chick-fil-A.

I feel bad for those countries who don't have it. They blow the pants off of everybody else's customer service. They do, and they need it too. Their drive-thru needs to be more efficient. They have to be handling people deeper in the line because their line's that long. It's a madhouse. It's the only fast food place that every time you drive by,

even near a mealtime, it's around the block. It's like you can't get into grocery stores in the same lot because the tail is so long. I order breakfast from there a lot because you can get their, they have like this scrambled egg bowl that has grilled chicken, cheese, and scrambled eggs. So I ate two of those for breakfast a lot. I don't think I've had their breakfast.

This sounds good. It's really fucking good um i do grilled chicken instead of the chicken nuggets because chicken nuggets for breakfast didn't make any sense and i don't i'm sausage doesn't well leave the judgment at home it's it's really good though but i feel kind of bad like when i when i go to tip them i i if i i'm like ah what kind of tip do you give somebody who has to go sit in a morning chick-fil-a line now i won't tip no i tip i get annoyed with those uh delivery services because now they've added like um an extra three dollars if you want it brought right to you it's like even though i've signed up for the most expensive version of the app and everything they're still hitting me for

that extra three dollars like hey do you want your food actually brought straight to you well yeah i really want that oh like they might stop at somebody else's house who's kind of on the way on the line or whatever yeah so they're like trucking my grilled chicken sandwich around to three fucking houses while the tomato leaks into the bread you know i see or i was like shows up cold like i misunderstood i thought they were leaving it at like the bottom of your driveway oh or you're not getting any tip all right i had that once i ordered i ordered something at night and a girl was doing the delivery and she was like i'm at the end of the driveway and at this point i've got a kind of a long driveway and it's steep as fuck luck on the last leg of the journey ma'am and i'm just like i'm just like all right and she's like could you come get the food i'm like motherfucker first of all you're

not getting any tip lady because if you're so scared to do your job that you can't do your job then you can't do your job and i'm not gonna i'm not gonna give you a tip which is like a bonus tips are a bonus okay it's a job well done and i'm not gonna give you a job well done tip when it's a job not done and you stayed at my fucking mailbox and made me hustle out here for the food so i'll smile i'll say yeah i understand have a good night but i'm taking your tip away and i'm reporting you because your car ask her for a tip i'm officer i'm reporting here immediately i'm reporting a suspected rapist and i'm not a fucking karen or food rapist or anything but i don't like that um here's what happens every time i order groceries though and i don't say a damn thing. They smell like weed every fucking time.

And they're wrong. It's like, dude, you've got my groceries wrong every time for like six weeks straight. And they always smell like marijuana. I can smell it. I know. I smell those bags and I'm like, marijuana. Yeah, I know what's happening here. And but Instacart is so cool they're as good as amazon

i'll take a picture of what showed up and i'm like this is what showed up this is what i ordered make it right and they're like cash or credit they don't give a fuck do you want us to just reorder it for you yeah and it'll come back wrong again and i'll be like after a while i've got i have filled a cupboard halfway up with groceries that weren't supposed to come here it's like tomato sauce and ketchups and stuff stuff i don't eat sometimes i have to give away to like the the thing maybe we're not on top of it you know what we do get we have a like a water filtration system in this house that involves salt big 50 pound bags of salt and i don't even like to get them it's such

a pain in the ass especially north carolina's hot like nine months a year so you get sweaty loading up 50 pound bags of salt into the back of the truck and stuff but walmart hasn't figured out that that's different than delivering like pasta so we're like yeah yeah, yeah, you know, we could use like a can of soup and 300 pounds of salt. The Campbell's creamy mushroom and a pallet of rock salt. Good luck in your Prius, Tony. What do you tip those people? I don't know, Jackie. Oh, that means it's not much.

There's this woman struggling to stack like 300 pounds of salt on my front porch. The 400-yard driveway with salt in it. That's funny you just it's like you're going in to buy condoms like embarrassed and you're like a toothbrush uh one apple and 10 bags of salt i've done the same thing but with um like water dog food or sodas i drink uh like i said an enormous amount of soda so i buy those 24 packs of soda and i'll buy like five at a time you're gonna have to truck that stuff up the driveway or or i was buying those uh those giant things of water uh for a while and they would hit

you for a three dollar fee like a heavy package or something inconvenient package fee or something but it's like oh three dollars as high as that fee goes huh tell you what i think i'll get enough water for the month let's not make two or three trips out of this they hate it they hate it i watch through the peephole sometimes like yeah load it up you're watching the people yeah that's hilarious yeah do it water servant bring me we've all got a little james cordon in us yeah oh i mean i told you the other day i actually felt really bad for that plumber who was out there fixing my leak in the yard um it was nighttime and it was chilly and he was like in a mud hole up to his waist like on his knees with one of he didn't even have that light that goes on your head like like which is exactly what he needed he didn't

have a headlamp he had his fucking cell phone out there so then like every time he'd grab it it'd get all muddy and shit to the point where like now he's trying to like get the mud i'm watching all this through the fucking window i'm thinking man, you need somebody to hold a goddamn flashlight for you. That would be killer. See, what this guy needs is help. And you're just watching. See, your problem is you don't have me. I'll give you helpful tips.

You need a second guy. Probably someone who's got nothing going on oh no me i'm a pretend pirate online i gotta go i've got some scalawags some ruffians to i'm gonna make a day of it i bought this hat. Yarr. No,

well, I don't, I don't feel bad because that's not my plumber that I hired. That's like the landlord's plumber that he hired. And, uh, I think I made, did I do it on PK and where I explained that they allowed a quarter million

gallons a month to leak into my front yard because they thought that they, they were too cheap to get a real plumber. They hired one plumber. He did a shitty job. And so they're like, ah, we're going to make him make right on that 250 we spent on him. We'll make him come back. And they probably tried to legalese him somehow. Meanwhile, he's like, I didn't like that mud hole out there y'all made me work in.

So no, I'm not coming back for that pinhole leak. It leaked a quarter million gallons a month for two and a half fucking months it cost them thousands of dollars it's like seven eight to eight dollars a thousand you can do the math uh once you once you go into an overage like that i didn't even know how much water cost i didn't either yeah it's usually so little that it's like oh what was our water bill 42 instead of 40 yikes the water bill is the only one I see where I'm like, that seems fair. Like, yeah, I really love having water around. And $39? Yeah, I'm going to keep water.

My dad has had this instance one time where I can't remember exactly how it went. Through no fault of his own or action of his, they rigged up his water in a way that he was being billed for this tiny little spigot meanwhile their six inch line rolling right to his farm and it's it went on for a who knows how long maybe years in minecraft but like it was just like man they've just i hope they never figure this out and they never did never did and then there was a big water leak and they found it and they were like ah wait has this always been like this and we're like who knows who knows we never really using water out of that line really it shows a lot just millions of gallons millions. The way those poultry houses work,

like not only the chickens, and there's like a quarter million of them on the farm constantly pecking, drinking water, but that's how the coolant system works. It mists water onto these. Is it called a swamp cooler? I've never heard that. Cool pads are cool cells, usually.

Cool cells is the more modern one. And there may be something new, or I'm not in the know or or anything but water runs through these filters and then air is drawn through them using tunnel ventilation huge fans and it's cooled like that the air passes through the the the cool wet filters and it's cooled and it's drawn through the whole chicken house to cool them down chicken talk lots of water i don't know how many of the i think it's the male chicks they just grind up in certain operations i suppose it's when they're specifically making maybe egg layers yeah in those factories all the males if they're lucky

in a modern facility like well in a german facility they get flash frozen in utero like when they're still in the egg everywhere else it's a german facility one in germany yes they don't just put them in pizza ovens they're flash they flash freeze which kills them when they're and then um when they're still in the egg. And then they use those eggs as fertilizer or something like that. But everywhere else, they grind the little peeps to death in these killing machines. Or they put them in buckets and drown them as they're all coming up to the top, like peeping, please, please! And it's like a 55-gallon drum full of them, and then they add water. So the screams are just

deafening because that's worse than anything the nazis did that's not that's not the case listen kanye you like having your money at jp morgan not anymore Morgan? Not anymore! Hi. I'm a staunch defender of Israel and its people. God damn it. I have several Jewish friends who will vouch for me if need be. You got them vouching for you.

Yeah, we gotta get someone on the Patreon. Harley will step up for me. Not for you. Not if he hears that joke. I believe Harley would step up for me. If there was like a like the overlords step down, and they're like, this guy, I think he needs to go. He might be an anti-Semite.

I think Harley would be the one to be like, step up. I'd be like, excuse me, excuse me. He pulled up like a Star of David that came out of nowhere. It's like platinum, and he turns it like a puzzle box out of Hellraiser, and he's like, ting! Jew number 5,637,472. Yeah, Harley Morenstein here. I just wanted to speak for Mr. Myers.

I believe he'd do that for me. He'd speak up for me in Jew court. He'd come to the Jew council and save you? He'd come to the high council of Jews, and he'd pull out his Star of David medallion, and he'd speak up for me. And if I needed to, I could reach out to XJaws too. I think he'd have a good word for me as well. I have a hood pass

and a gay pass. I can pull out any time I need, but I don't have any Jew passes so I might be fucked. I haven't talked to Mo in like seven years but we were always friendly with one another. Mo's Jewish if the council wasn't wasn't if they weren't feeling mr morenstein's please i think i'd reach out to mo because he'd have some more pull than harley i think you think so mo's very wealthy man yeah yeah but harley has got to be the tallest jew oh that's. Is that important to them? I imagine that's how they gauge power, the tallest. That's the ancient Hebrew way of describing.

He's the high elder then, probably. People thought it was like high priest, like some sort of symbolism. No, just the tallest guy. Are there any NBA players who are Jewish? I don't know anything about. Probably, but I can't name one. There's at least one guy in the nhl

there's been one nba game so far and i am overreacting like wild to it i have figured out that the golden state warriors are going to repeat um if i have like a side chick nba team it's the new orleans pelicans and they played dude they're a blast they drafted this guy zion williamson who is like the next great one or the next uh hugely missed expectations because of injury one and brandon ingram's on his team they put together a nice little team over there that's fun to watch he went up against ben simmons a guy he's maybe one of the best defenders in the NBA and just bullied him, bullied him and, and made it look like fucking seven footers and six foot 10 guys were children.

He's, he's like a shack build kind of thing, but way more athletic than Shaq ever was. He's as strong as Shaq. And he has like the highest vertical leap in the history of the NBA draft combine. And he's on the new Orleans Pelicans and he's fun to watch. He's also,

what happened was JJ Redick from the Sixers went there and he has a podcast so because he has a podcast you get to hear like everyone talk and hang out and joke in a way that helps you know them more so than watching the games yeah and zach had a term for the kind of fan i am like a stats and stories or something like that. That's the kind of, I watch games a little bit, but I mostly follow it every day and like keep on top of it. What's the alternative to stats and stories?

You just carrying the flag. People who watch the games. I watched like, I watched the hockey game. Oh, I thought they were like different. Okay. Yeah. So I'm a viewer.

That's my style of fan. Okay. Yeah. So, but I really like the stats and story. I'd rather watch these basketball players in a podcast talk about what they were feeling when they missed a shot and all the fans were giving them shit. Then watch them miss the shot and see all the fans give them shit in real time. Mostly.

The NBA does a good job of marketing their players like that. Like getting people out there doing podcasts like the only NHL equivalent show I can think of at all is spitting chiclets because they'll like get Crosby or some big guy on and be like you got any stories from when you were in the KHL any wild Russian stories oh tell us about this tell us about that and it is cool seeing like a little vision into it and like getting their thoughts like you know what were you thinking in this championship series I like that but like yeah and i also like tracking the stats online once the season is going but like i mostly just really enjoy watching blues games like it's fun

i like watching the flow of the game like it's a sport i'm familiar with and so like when they break into the opponent zone i'm able to like pick up on it but when i watch football basketball baseball i don't have the requisite knowledge to understand the reason the players are doing the things that they're doing whereas in hockey i'm like oh i know exactly why he's doing that i get it like i i can see oh that guy fucked up a viewer might think he doesn't know anything about hockey that that's the guy that fucked up no it was the guy who passed it to him that fucked up big time and so it's just familiarity probably two years ago in game three of a series ben simmons for the philadelphia 76ers had the ball and an easy dunk instead he passed it to a teammate who

missed the shot that was game three they ended up losing in game seven everyone blames losing the series on that play and then i heard him on the podcast and he's like was that a 100 point bucket? How do I lose the next four games too? Yeah. How is all of this on me? Yeah, he would say that. It is on him. It's on him. Should have closed it out game three. Why are we even thinking about the next game when we're at this game?

No, you lost this game. This was when it mattered. If you had the chance to close it out that's what clutch is. It's doing it when it matters. Instead of being up 3-1 they were uh 2-2 that's what that game did and as you know that's a big difference right if you're up 3-1 you probably win that series yeah but it's hard to push the brave one basket i don't even know if they would have won that game with that one basket you know it fair. It would have helped a lot. It can really change the direction of something.

Fights are like that. There are certain sequences. I saw somebody take that sequence where Chandler KO'd Ferguson. Not Chandler. Who kicked him? Who kicked him with the front kick and the face? Who actually knocked him out? Ferguson?

A front kick to the face? Was it real recent? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fight before last where he got flatlined and kicked in the face and just who actually knocked him out. Ferguson, a front kick to the face. Was it real recent? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the fight for last where we got flatline and kicked in the face. Who was it that kicked him in the face?

Anyway, they took that and they edited into one of his older fights where he did that crazy capoeira, like tumble on the ground. And they wasn't ideas, was it? Uh, but they did it so cleanly that it was like an alternate reality in which tony

ferguson takes that kick and like flows out of it and rolls away and then gets up and keeps going and it was like oh i want to live in that reality i want to live in that reality um nate diaz was his that was a submission it was it was michael chandler ko front is how he won that yeah yeah that's when his face did that thing where it looked like he was going oh yeah he had a really funky looking like the g forces he's accelerating his face was suddenly accelerated and all his skin kind of got pulled down it's a is he gonna find it that'd be quick yep look at that oh my god poor man he'll he'll never be the same after this instant. This instant right here is what changed him.

This is an unreal... This looks like one of those AI photos where you'd be like, man getting kicked in jaw. Now, I bet everybody's staring at the photo on the left. What you really want to focus on is the quad of the man on the right and then his fucking eyes. The dude who's delivering the kick,

look what he's using to do it. Look what the powerhouse is, that big fucking leg. The dude who's delivering the kick, look what he's using to do it. Look what the powerhouse is. That big fucking leg. And then look how focused he was, lasered in on kicking this guy right where he wanted. Look at how vascular the inside of his head is. You know what his brain is saying? His brain is giving him all the dopamine it's ever given him and saying, bullseye!

Look at that guy on the right. Look at the bulge in his shorts. Do you see that? All these UFC guys have cup-shaped penises. Yeah, they do. They tend to wear steel-plated or titanium. What a bad motherfucker. You want to wear something sturdy.

That's a rough job. I feel sorry for those guys. Saturday morning at 10 a.m., that's when it starts off, folks. Wait, it's not 2 p.m.? You're doing prelims. prelim oh i'm starting at the early prelims i'm watching all these fights 10 a.m is pretty early for a fighting sport i'll have my coffee and i'll be there with my biscuit and it's gonna be great uh fight island um as island or zaz island or something like that um and uh in the middle east abu dhabi or something yeah everybody's got their uh little saint james

and uh huge huge card um i saw a bunch of the stats about like the fighters records combined there's no if you remove like one fighter i can't remember which one it's like a it's one of the good ones then there's like there's like 37 o's or something like and i and by o's i mean unbeatens there's like 37 and o's um a combined on this card's, I mean unbeatens. There's like 37 and O's combined on this card. There's so many unbeaten fighters, so many bad motherfuckers. You got like Bulldog fighting the flashy guy. You've got like one of the most beloved 155-pound champions ever who's not technically the champ right now

because he missed weight by 0.3 pounds last time, but he is the fucking champ charles de bronx olivera coming from the favelas of brazil having to having to go through life a lot of the other kids were at the sporting event he was there selling cheese on the beach they're on the beach having fun he's selling cheese on the beach because they're stat fucking poor growing up with not enough money not enough money to eat enough with his mother giving everything she had and now he's putting those people up in fucking mansions and then all of a sudden he has a daughter and he was he's not getting champion pay anymore no that's true we're about to fix that i think though and then when he has a daughter it sort of like flips a switch in this guy and he just starts eating every of one

of the best fighters in the world alive in sequence as fast as they can feed them to him one after another the best in the world and he's got one more guy left and he's the world beater that everybody says is the second coming of khabib nurmagomedov and khabib is right there behind him with his fucking nasty ass chin beard that sexist piece of shit terrorist terrorist-supported cocksucker, Russian piece of shit. Wait a minute. I'm thinking this a little personally because, like, I'm sexist. I support terrorists.

Whoa! All I need is to grow out my chin beard. They're probably having this fight in Abu Dhabi because that piece of shit couldn't get a visa back to the u.s wow this is reeking of islamophobia um i mean you know you those those guys are real scummy pieces of shit you can say connor's a bad guy because he hypes a fight up well and makes you millions of dollars he's a bad guy because they remember when they jumped in the ring and attacked connor i saw a clip today connor clipped two of them so hard that you can hear it in the cell phone footage like two of the random guys who you can hear it in the cell phone footage.

Like two of the random guys who jumped in, like Khabib's cousins. You're right. Conor did hold his own even after he had just lost the fight. Yeah. That was shitty. With the crew. Conor builds a fight. He says awful things and does awful things.

Khabib doesn't build a fight, but he will spit on you while you're down and then jump you with his boys any chance he gets. Every time Khabib's had an issue fight, but he will spit on you while you're down and then jump you with his boys any chance he gets. Every time Khabib's had an issue with somebody in or out of the ring, he never shows up 1v1 or even 3v3. He brings a dozen fucking cocksuckers that look just like him. He's like, oh, you got to keep Muslims around you, good Muslims around you. He certainly does, a dozen at a time. He keeps a gang around him, but I don't think Conor gets a pass on that because Conor also brings a gang with him everywhere he goes. Because they had attacked his friend with a gang.

And they, like... Well, I mean, and Connor beats up guys in bars, beats up guys on boats. Well, that's years later. And that guy refused a glass of his whiskey, which in Ireland is like fucking his daughter in the ass or something. That's very disrespectful. The Irish need to drink with them.

I can't imagine that any real Irishman would turn down a glass of... You don't like whiskey. If Conor McGregor gave you some of his whiskey, I don't really like whiskey either. You know what I'd do? I'd go, thank you so much, Mr. McGregor. Yeah, now Conor McGregor's got that left. Yeah, I'd be like, I love it.

He sleeps you like Aldo in the middle of an Applebee's. I know, like, if you don't drink from the right, you drink from the left. Yeah. But you would drink it, wouldn't you?

Well, I guess Khabib doesn't want to because he's Muslim and they're not supposed to drink. Oh, I'm glad you mentioned that. So it's like, I know all this nitty gritty stuff, but what he does too.

But like, there was this press conference, they're building the fight. Khabib versus Connor. Connor's got his liquor there and he's like, he's pouring little, little plastic cups of it for everybody. And he's like, here, Dana and Dana of course takes it. Dana's going to drink Connor's drink. They're all drinking the Kool-Aid literally up there.

And he's like, he's like, now give it to that weird fucker. Yeah. Give him some. And he's Muslim. He can't drink. He's like, no, I will not drink. No, I will not drink. Why?

Why won't you drink? Why won't you drink? And he wants him to say, because I'm a Muslim. He can't drink. He's like, no, I will not drink. No, I will not drink. Why? Why won't you drink? Why won't you drink? And he wants him to say, because I'm a Muslim. I can't drink. And he wants to like... Gotcha! It's like, we all knew that. Yeah. It's such good theater. I hate Khabib. I hope this guy loses.

Charles is such a wonderful human being. And I think he's just the best. I hope he's a real underdog. Three and a half to one at one point. I don't know what the odds are right now. But it was looking bad. Probably still is. I have thought Charles Oliveira was going to lose his last like three fights.

And I was wrong every time. So I'm kind of changing my tune here and being like apparently this guy's really good at fighting he's a good guy too i i just i just like him as a dude like really i don't connect with him because he doesn't speak i watched one of those fucking things they made about him you know one of those documentaries that uh espn and 30 for 30 not one of those it was like a ufc little promo thing they they did for the fight that's like maybe 10-15 minutes on him and I wasn't paying attention at first but like I started paying more and more attention and it was pretty cool he sold me on the guy he seems like a real nice guy yeah I don't think anyone says anything

but nice things about yeah I want him to like win I want him to succeed and I don't know there's nobody else in that division left that that has such a chance at greatness like that if he takes this guy out he's the he's the, in my opinion, at 155. He's the best he's ever been at 155. I think you're underestimating Khabib's record. You give Oliveira the strength of schedule advantage, but Khabib beat Poirier, Khabib beat Gaethje, Khabib beat McGregor. He has some strength of schedule, too.

McGregor's the only one that Oliveira doesn't have on his record that Khabib has, I would imagine. And I bet he has a few more, right? I agree. If you're going to say Olivier's strength of schedule is good, then you have to say that Khabib's is too since they're the same dudes. If anything, Khabib beat him closer to their prime.

I've seen it broken down in a pictogram before, and it's like, it's not just those dudes, it's the whole strength of schedule right it's it's the other guys that he also beat in the past like there's a lot of those guys that you beat and they're kind of journeymen but it's like that's a real fighter you had to get through he was he he won more than he lost but then he has like 27 or 29 wins and no losses yeah but some of those people don't have wikipedia pages yeah if you don't have a wikipedia page then it shouldn't fucking count like like look i bet woody's record woody could blow his

record out of the water if he started counting all the youtubers he roughed up over the years i know of like four of us that he's got wins over he did he did narrowly defeat me i'll say taylor was stronger but he didn't have any weapons no i didn't know what to do he's like now what do i do it's like all right i got a secure hold on there was only one guy there who knew how to do jujitsu i was like i wrestled the middle school and i was like immediately like oh like so jujitsu must be like he knows what i'm doing like it's like and he would he masterfullyfully identified the only move I did, which was many double leg takedowns in the middle of that hotel room.

That was fun. Yeah. You're at least five and oh, right? Yeah. Count that. Count that. You're five and oh. I don't think there's anything good about Khabib, his personality.

I think he's, he's such a um a sexist piece of shit he's you know the whole thing with the ring girls and the way he runs his operation over there um um the fact that they're literally supported by what we know he doesn't like ring girls those chechens are terrorists the ones in particular that he's supported by like like they're tied up in the current issues in ukraine like these are now you're actually a terrorist all of a sudden i think you're just finding reasons not to that one chechen guy with a beard and that and the haircut like i used to have you've got that fucking lloyd christmas i don't think it's fair to judge him for his behavior outside the ring uh i think that's exactly what i i hate that guy i hate

khabib so much so kyle likes watching the fights, but in terms of UFC, he's a viewer plus a stats and stories guy. He likes all of it. It makes the fights get better if you know who's fighting and what they're fighting for. And I think you need a heel. You need a good guy and a bad guy. You need a good guy and a bad guy.

When you got two good guys fighting, ah. Two bad guys works. Two bad guys works. Two bad guys works. Two good guys doesn't really even work. It's like, ah, God, I don't want to. Can't you guys talk it out? You guys are shaking hands right before you go in there. Hang on a minute. I was showing my wife about Khabib today.

There's this cool story. Khabib, when he's against Conor, Conor's insulting Khabib's wife, Khabib's father, Khabib's religion, Khabib's country. He's really getting under Khabib's skin and genuinely hurting his feelings. So for me, it was a blast to watch Khabib be like,

all right, now we're fighting. Now we're in the octagon. It's just you and I in our underwear getting shit done. And he's pounding on connor like talk now pound on him what you got to say now pound it and connor's like i was just hyping stop hitting me i really hate this didn't say stop hitting me but he probably said you stupid neanderthal this is the fight business he did you millionaire did say it was just talk. It was just talk or something like that. He was begging for forgiveness.

It's great. All right. When he fought Justin Gaethje. I think Woody might be misreading the situation a little bit. What's your read of it? I can picture Conor's face. He's saying, just business. He's like, you're an idiot.

It's just fucking business. Are you really still mad like he almost he's almost incredulous that he's dude you just won the fight you just spit on me and you're this was during the fight though it wasn't post fight during the fight but i think kyle's right about the quote he's like it was just business it was just business and he's like why are you mad now it was just business it was pretty good all right but let me get to my where i'm headed with this justin gaethje was a different thing justin gaethje wasn't a dick it was kind of two good guys and um when they're cutting weight apparently cutting weight it's really

really brutal i've never cut beyond like the five first easy pounds and uh like gaethje and khabib are doing it together and kind of bonding. Justin Gaethje's parents meet Khabib and they're like, oh, you're fighting my son in a few days. Nice to meet you. And they like hit it off. All right. Now Khabib is winning this fight.

He's dominant. Gaethje hits really hard. Hardest Khabib's ever been hit, but it's not enough. And Khabib gets the'm sorry, Kibichi gets the jump on Gaethje and he's got an arm bar locked in. But Gaethje doesn't have any quit in him. He's not going to tap. And Kibichi is like, well, I'm not going to break this guy's arm

in front of his parents. That's not nice. So he switches to a triangle choke and chokes the guy out. He beats him peacefully as an act of kindness in front of his parents. I do like that. That's nice.

Afterwards, Gaethje, even in the post-Octagon interview, he's like, I really respect him. One of the cool things about Losing My Triangle is you can get right back in there. So Dana, get me a fight. He helped him out. He's a terrorist. That's a

strong point. It is compelling to me. I don't know any of the facts, but I trust my friend Kyle. Well, UFC fired that has been funded by a Chechen terror warlord. I don't know that

it's true. I mean, a quick Google search will just show you that Chechen warlord. He's got that same chin beard and, again, that haircut I used to have. I'll admit it. He's a Chechen warlord. He's tied up in this. If associating with people who have bad hair makes you a terrorist, then I might be a terrorist for old school FPS Russia videos.

Well, look, he was funded. He's a terrorist as far as I'm concerned. And I think Conor McGregor is just a swell guy, you know, just trying to do a little business. They just need to grow out the mustache portion of the beard and it would look a million times better. So anyway, there's a fight this weekend on Saturday. It starts early. 2 p.m. is the main card. Eastern time.

Eastern time, which is kind of nice. I'm looking forward to that. I can stay awake for all the fights yeah and maybe twice a year i declare a ufc event to be a super bowl you know really this one has two title fights if i recall four out of the five fights on the main card i really care about and the fifth one is girls and girls always go in to kill. They're so aggressive. They don't play defense. Not always, but typically. Girl fights, I like. I enjoy girl fights. Almost always.

They're usually quite good. So yeah, very big card. Steal it, buy it, whatever you're going to do. But watch it. It'll be good. If you see two girls fighting, it is not like the WNBA. You're going to enjoy watching it. Did you take the terrorist

in the betting and I took Olivera? Or did we do something else? I don't know, Zach. Do you remember? Did we bet on that one? Yeah, I can't recall. I imagine Woody would have bet on Khabib. Well, Khabib's retired, but his student is this other shit. They all look the same and talk the same

and they all have the same and talk the same and they all have the same i think i did take him i think i originally was like i i i kind of want the underdog and you're like oh i do too and i was like oh never mind i'll take the other guy yeah yeah i've got i i definitely want olivera and um shawn o'malley's gonna get mauled and then um what's the other fight i'm spacing? Michalak or something, right? I'm thinking that guy's name starts with B, who's kind of boring but a good fighter. Dariel Berrios?

Yeah, Berrios. But there's a third one at the top that I'm spacing on. It doesn't matter. It's a very good card. I'm super psyched for it. I've been looking forward to specifically the Oliveira fight for weeks now. I've been really excited about it. Oh, you're thinking of Sterling Dillashaw. Yes. I love TJ Dillashaw. I've been really excited about it. Oh, you're thinking of Sterling Dillashaw. Yes.

I love TJ Dillashaw. I love TJ Dillashaw. Look, he's your villain. You want to talk good guys and villains? Fucking Pyotr Yan over there. The CEO of EPO. The CEO of EPO. Do you think he's going to be on drugs this time?

I hope so. I hope he's on better drugs i you saw that did i what is what does epo mean and it's like blood cardio or cardio yeah um i sent you that guy's that picture of him the other day in the um in whatsapp and i wrote under the ceo of epo and he's fucking dick skin lean right like, like his, below his belly button is like sunken in, in a way I've never even seen people get lean like. And, and yeah, I'm super psyched for his fight. I think his last win that was legit might go all the way back to Cody Garbrandt.

Four years ago. He lost that fight that he tested Druggie for. Yeah, he did. I'm talking about his last win going back to is going back to him ko and cody garbrandt uh about four years ago uh three or four years ago so it's been a while since he's been clean and victorious in the cage um but i i just believe in tj dillashaw he's a bad motherfucker he's got a great team he always works hard and i bet his drugs are better this time harder to detect so i. So I bet he's going to smoke.

That's the question. I think TJ Dillashaw without drugs is not that good. That's my theory. I'm not sure we're going to see TJ Dillashaw without drugs in this fight. He looks like a million bucks. Looks so good. Nah, I got my money on him. Poor Sean O'Malley.

I've never been on the O'Malley train. He seems kind of cringe to me. Kind of the way Henry Cejudo does. I do like his podcast a little bit because you get inside and look at fighters and shit. I'm tired of all the gold shit and the funky hair. I saw what you looked like when you started fighting,

dude. You're a normal dude. Be a normal dude with all that rainbow shit. He always comes out just probably... I don't like that. Build a cool character like Colby Covington and be hate that actually is where i was going so hypothetical kyle myers is in the ufc right and as you know it's half based on your fighting talent and half based on your ability to sell fights it's hard to sell fights where you lose all the time but you know how does kyle like what's your nickname and what's your character?

I've already done this once, Woody. I would just use the same character. You're too happy. We're in an alternate universe where I'm a fighter now. Then I just do the same thing again. You'd just be a Russian from Georgia? Dude, no.

Right now, can you imagine the heel I could be as a fake Russian? In the UFC? If I was a UFC fighter and I was like, look, sign me, but wait until my name is legally changed. The paperwork's in the mail. I'm changing my name to this Russian name.

You've got to tell them that I'm from the wilds of fucking Siberia, that I killed a bear when I was five years old. We're going to make me a WWE like legend here and then i come out spouting that super harsh anti-ukraine shit fucking i've got the z on my chest and when i and like like at the at the press conference when the when the other guy pulls out his belt he's so proud of, I fucking spray paint the Z on it. I fucking... Yeah, we're taking that too.

We're taking that too. We've got a special fucking military ass-whooping operation coming for you next Saturday, fucking comrade. You can do it in the accent of course. That's what you do. You make people angry. It's so much easier to make people angry than to make people love you.

Being a heel is simple. Everybody knows what you do you make people angry it's so much easier to make people angry than to make people love you it being a heel is simple there's less everybody knows for that role if you need half heels and half faces i think they're called yeah 90 of the roster wants to be a face it's hard to get that job 10 of the roster is going for the other half of the jobs dude the math is there it's an easy job especially when you can skip right to. Like, you wouldn't even have to do UFC. No, fucking Colby Covington is the current master. This is a guy who they were like, I don't even want this guy on the roster anymore. He's a boring wrestler who occasionally punches people in the head,

but mostly he just grabs them and throws them on the ground and controls them for three rounds. Lay and pray. That's kind of boring. And he was like, actually, i'm a maga wrestler now let's make america great again one ass whooping at a time you homeboy he got he had a fight in brazil and they told him he was going to be cut from the roster whether he wins or loses and he's like keep booing me all you filthy animals and the

ufc is like never mind we're keeping him yeah he called the crowd of all you filthy animals. And the UFC is like, nevermind. We're keeping him. Yeah. He called the crowd of Brazil filthy animals. And they were like, you've got a place here, sir. Yeah. And he built his character until Donald Trump apparently believes it's real

and has called him multiple times post fight and has shown up at his fights. He's been to the cobalt office. Colby coming in as with a belt with Donald. I like that it's the Cobble office now. Yeah, the Cobble office. The Cobble office. I mean, that's smart. You play into something. Makes you divisive.

Mentioning Colby again, he was there with Kanye at the funeral for BLM. He injected himself into that to get a little bit of press. So I'm sure people who are Kanye fans are like, who the fuck is that big-ass white dude? What the fuck is he about? I might be stupid.

I can't tell where Colby ends and the act begins. I don't care. Kyle's convinced it's all a show. I'm not as sure. I can't tell where it starts and ends. I think it's all an act. He starts not as sure. I can't tell where it starts and ends. I think it's on.

But he starts out his videos. What's up, nerds and virgins? He's got two paid girls in bikinis. I forgot. Nerds and virgins? What's wrong with the fucking show? He's got two girls in bikinis with their thongs all over him. And he's just talking mad shit.

It's good stuff. It's good content. He's very hateable. Sell him out too. They're like those girls, they don't like him at all. He tried to get a handshake and couldn't. They're paid to be there. But he acts like he has two

girlfriends in bikinis. I'd be like, yeah, they make more than you made in your last fight, asshole. Were you still making 2020? He's mean like that too. He'll insert the, he'll insult the amount of money you make. He'll go after your family, your wife,

your children. He's real. No, no holds barred with it. That's how a villain operates. You ever, you ever watching a movie or a TV show? You're new to this universe.

This, this, this, this creator, whoever's the showrunner, whoever you want to blame or or praise for a show's um style and direction and you're you're the characters you care about suddenly get into a spot of trouble okay the pirates are boarding our ship or let's say an

intruder's breaking into the house late at night and his family's alone that the husband's away at first we don't know how much trouble they're in right it depends what kind of show this is sure maybe we might is this the kind of show where they're gonna rape people and like molest people that like like in the walking dead they'll rape your son in front of you that's the kind of show that is so when people get in a little trouble your heart races because this is a world where people rape your son in front of you that makes a good show because the stakes are scary the same way and we're the stakes are important in everything that that we do the higher the stakes the more interesting things are and a lot of shows have these low ball stakes and you just can't get into them i like a show high stakes yeah the plot armor and family guy hate it.

Peter's never going to die. And so when Colby Covington shows up as a villain and you're watching him on your TV, the stakes are high because this might leave this little microphone and somebody might get an ass whooping for real over here outside the ring. He's done it before.

He's been in a couple of altercations outside the ring. He doesn't win them all. Doesn't win them all, but he wins all. I mean, he's going to win the lawsuit. That's all that matters. He's hitting him up for the Rolex damages, and he's saying he's got brain trauma. What if they scan him? They find brain trauma, which is a force from fighting. He says it's

from Masvidal and hits Masvidal for $4 million, $50 million. His future earnings or something. Masvidal hasn't4 million, $50 million. His future earnings or something. Masvidal hasn't fought since, has he? He has not fought since. He doesn't know what to do, it seems. He should be going after McGregor. That's his fight. That's who's looking for

a fight, and that's where the money is. He should be begging McGregor. Instead, he's begging Leon Edwards. You know what Leon Edwards said? Get on your knees and beg. He said, get on your knees and beg and I'll fight you. He's the champion in his weight division. There's a backstory.

Jorge Rivera's... Jorge Masvidal. I'm sorry. Thank you. Jorge Masvidal is the second coolest guy in the division at this time. He's doing an interview. Leon Edwards. Leon Edwards walks by and i think maybe he says something or they get into like a little spat out of nowhere jorge masvidal hits him four times pop pop pop pop right they're behind stage that's during an interview edwards did not see it

coming and afterwards masvidal says he gave him a three piece of the soda which everyone is like wait what i'm what is a three piece in a soda what is happening with this three piece of the soda i have never heard of a three piece other fighters are like is a three piece of the soda a thing that i'm unaware of we're all our minds are spinning over this four combo this four punch combo that is now known as the three piece of the soda i still don't fully understand it other fighters don't chael sonnen can't explain it to me no one knows what a three piece in the soda is but we're all fascinated by the branding on it it's a four item combo it's so clear what it is one two three four four punches a four item combo that would have been my guess yeah that he got hit four times the the the phrasing of it made is now part of the ufc lore and legend

like it's a good line it's written and stuff it's a great line one of the best lines he's got so leon edwards has been wanting this rematch and the ufc is like no we can't reward backstage fights with you know pay-per-view numbers and masvidal don't want it anyway because this leon edwards guy he's not the champ and masvidal wants money fights and championship fights he's he's headed for the top and leon edwards also very good so he's risky but he's not a big name so anyway champ a few years goes by leon edwards beats the champ takes the belt for himself and now masvidal wants to fight and leon Esward says, get on your knees and beg. That's good.

And this is the kind of sport where that's the way it goes. The Yankees can't say that. You know? When it comes time to play the game, whoever comes out of the NL, whoever they got to play, they got to play them. But it's a fighting promotion, right? It's not exactly a sports league. Dana White can be like can be like ah nah you don't have to fight that guy he's a wrestler why would you do that that nah it's no fun go fight three more shitty kickboxers and wear them

out yeah so anyway i i don't know what i i guess i would love to see Masvidal fight McGregor that'd be cool and both of them are kind of washed so it'd be a nice fight McGregor Ferguson is what I want I want Masvidal to die in a car accident I want Masvidal to either die in a car accident or no get crippled in a car accident or even better would be if

Colby Covington actually like took all of his money so that he was a street rat again and he had to fight like the bare knuckle fighting championship or something Colby Covington actually like took all of his money so that he was a street rat again. And he had to fight like the bare knuckle fighting championship or something like that, which, which is actually really good money. So like maybe something lower than that.

I don't know. There's good money in the bear. No, there's fighting. I'm hundreds of thousands of dollars. I'm sure probably millions. If you're a guy like him. Yeah.

Hear me out. If you, if you want mass for all to have a bad ending, he gets beat by Jake Paul. No, he'd love that ending. His bank account explodes when that happens. You think? Are you sure? JP Morgan calls and we're like,

we can't handle all this money and that's something. If it's a big fight, maybe. Yeah, it would be a big fight. Any fight with the Paul brothers is a big fight. It'll make you millions and millions of dollars. Anybody who's fighting right now should be trying to fight a paul brother i don't know who cares about a fucking championship that you probably can't hold on from to for more than a year or two when you could beat up a paul brother or get beaten up by a paul brother and make 8 10 12 20

million i don't know it depends who you are and what you do but millions i don't know i don't know like i know woodley too didn't pay out that well it was kind of a surprise replacement might not be a good measure i don't know what he made i i don't know he did get he's supposed to fight fury and then he didn't he you know he tattooed that man's name on his finger right it's something like that yeah yeah that's that was a silly bet there's no way that you should bet someone that you're going to get their name tattooed on you if you lose. I remember when it came up in the press conference and he was like, yeah,

yeah, we can do that. It was almost like a key and pill sketch. It's clear that he was like, well, tattoo our names on each other. Well, yeah, yeah. I ain't scared. No, I ain't scared. God ain't scared god damn on each other like like how big they're both tattoo enthusiasts so are we talking about initials what is your full name son

it's not like jake oraya is it jake paul's he's a problem man he fights well he's at this athletic peak and I put a lot of weight maybe too much on youth Anderson Silva's 46 Anderson's gonna get smoked that's my bet there

I'll take even money with anybody on that Silva getting knocked out I think Silva's gonna get smoked my stupid this is what I think I on that. Silva getting knocked out. I think Silva's going to get smoked. My stupid, this is what I think. I think that Anderson Silva would not want to go the distance with Jake Paul, that he might see that as insulting to like go the distance with somebody like that. So maybe instead of being as evasive as he probably could be,

he tries to get in there and get Jake out of there and finds a guy who's so goddamn strong. The way he KO'd Tyron, I'm just convinced that he can KO anybody at that weight class. Like, with those gloves, like, he turned him out. I mean, Tyron Woodley was never as good as this other guy. Yeah, but I'm just talking about one guy punched another guy in the head so goddamn hard, he went to sleep immediately

with those big-ass boxing gloves. It was a fighter that it happened to. A fighter who has sparred plenty with those boxing gloves. I doubt he gets his lights turned out like that on a regular basis. That was scary. That was a big knockout. You've got to hit somebody hard.

Goddamn. He punched the life out of him. He's got that power power and you have a link you're looking at 50 yes so he's throwing that against a 50 year old man and anderson was always slick and greasy and evasive i get all that like that's his style but he's 50 now and can't show it can't show it yeah yeah we oh we can see it still okay yeah you see it still like like that's a man who's knocked the fuck out or a fixed fight you take your pick it's one of the other it doesn't look

fixed to me what do i know when you see perspiration go yeah like it's a like it's a mike tyson movie or something uh overhand right i think yeah that was a big heavy punch she had a nice haircut for that this guy's like woodley was out like longer than most ufc knockouts yeah like he was doing that thing with his arms were like he can't even like get up right good god it was a big deal um and and so yeah my money i've never watched i guess i didn't really ever take jake paul seriously but yeah um i think it's this kind of perfect storm of someone who's you know a famous youtuber turned out to be also like a real fucking tough guy athlete as well um like he's good for

them seems like they've been i don't like how youtube is an insult no no it it's just no what i mean by that is it'd be like might as well say that like he's a lottery winner and the the toughest guy in town is like oh really he's both the fact like he's a lottery winner and the the toughest guy in town is like oh really he's both the fact that he's a millionaire doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he's now fighting it's that one might take away from the other because they're i think the idea is that oh he's only getting these fights because he's famous but but now that he's there he's showing that like he belongs there that guy he looks like he's good at fighting he does look like he's good at fighting. He does look like he's good at fighting. Plus, everybody he's fought has kind of

knocked the fuck out, more or less. Everyone who he's fought agrees with him. Of course, he does pick his opponents, and he usually tries to pick men who are about to start collecting Social Security. And then that shrug is perfect. He's like, Yep! And I knock him the fuck out.

What if he challenged George Foreman? Like someone who's And then that shrug is perfect. He's like, yep. And I knock him the fuck out. You think like, what if he challenged like George Foreman? Like someone who's 70. Isn't George Foreman like 70 years old? Yeah, he killed George Foreman. He might be able to kill him. Is George Foreman still alive? Yeah, he's alive. Yeah, he's eating all that grilled chicken and shit. 73. Yeah, he wouldn't do well.

Yeah. No, like you don't have to like imagine freak fights for Jake Paul anymore because he's beating real professional athletes now. Tyron Woodley, yeah. Yeah, that was a real credential. That couldn't... Nine days in there.

He couldn't have picked a better fight, it turned out. I remember when Tyron was trying to get that fight thinking like, whew, hope Jake doesn't take that because Tyron is not a star anymore and he might be able to give this guy a problem. Tyron's elusive and strong. Like I thought Tyron would win. Yeah. I keep saying it wrong.

Tyron. Tyron. Tyron. But I've seen plenty of people calling Tyron, but that's just not his name. Agreed. Yeah. But it's really close to it. Yeah.

Just Tyron. Anyway. But it's really close to it. Yeah. Ty, run! Anyway, yeah. And Tyron has a perfect physique, right? He's got this strong guy. He looks perfect. He is 40, but he looks 21. Yeah.

And that helps shine. I think he's got some bitch in his blood, if I'm being honest. I think he's a fucking quitter. I think he's a fucking quitter. I think he's a fucking quitter. I was always a shitty UFC fighter, and I remember I've talked about it before, but quickly, he was in one of those Ninja Warrior shows where he goes 1v1 against

an accountant or something. Like a white man, I'll say that. A fucking... Like a 35-45 year old white man. With some respect on the accountant name. A regular old business professional white man smoked Tyron Woodley in that competition and made him quit.

And it was like, I don't know. I think he's a quitter, and I think he's not cut from the same cloth as a lot of professional athletes that could do stuff like that. I don't know how he ever became a real athlete. How are you doing, Josh? How'd the show go? Yo.

Did you murder like I told you to? Fucking go off on somebody. And someone harassed you? Heckled you? This was... It was like a therapy session. Alright. What happened? It was like a therapy session. All right.

What happened? Oh, so look. There was like a 45-year-old white woman. And I have my guitar out. And so basically my shows are hour of stand-up, 15 minutes on guitar, right? And so I start playing guitar, and i fuck around a lot and she does one of these well i don't know why people do this but she goes screams sing by eric clapton she was drunk and i was like what like what show do you think you're at like do you think this is a live karaoke band which part of this show did you think that that

and i just kind of let it go she was drunk she screamed it again when i tell you that this is no exaggeration for seven minutes, it was just me telling her how stupid she was. It was like the crowd was clapping. People were high fiving each other. So I guess she was annoying the whole show. I'm sure. But man,

it feels good. My theory with hecklers is this. I let you hang yourself. So everybody else in the crowd is sick of you too. And that way I can say whatever I want. Makes sense. But if I go at you too quick, somebody's going to be like, well, you was a little harsh. So I want everybody in the audience to be like

when is he gonna shut her the up and that's when you do and it's like honestly dude i like i feel like i smoked eight joints i feel great like so good how did she take it? Was she a sport that rolled with it? Did she fight back? It was such an onslaught that she didn't have a time to speak. When I tell you it was seven minutes straight, nobody was coming up from there. Her husband was laughing so hard at her that he had to get up and excuse himself. He was – she was so mad.

Like it was – it was like – I wish I had recorded it. It felt good. like we i i am presently i have the only job where people buy tickets to a show and think that they can do it better it's i can't think of it nobody goes to pearl jam is like just wait till i grab that mic from any better i'll show them do you know what i mean yeah i'm the only we got the only profession and i when people say to me and by the way i don't mind fucking with hecklers it's how i get content right but at the same time i fight back hard when people like it's part of the job no it's not it's it shouldn't be part of my job shouldn't be the fact that you can't handle your alcohol. My job is to make people laugh.

My job is not like I disagree entirely. Does it happen? Yeah. Does that mean it should be part of the job? No. I disagree with that 100%. Sure. I'm a little mixed because you're like, hey, I don't mind it, and it's how I get content, but I wish it never happened. No, no, no. I didn't say it should never happen.

Okay. I misinterpreted. What I'm saying is when people say you should be fine with it, it's part of the job. It's not part of the job. People should know how to behave when they leave the house. Now, here's what I mean by that, dude. When there's content, when there's banter, that's one thing. When you're that lady, it's a completely different situation. When you're talking to each other at a table, it's a complete situation.

If we're fucking around with each other, it's content or whatever. If you're straight up disruptive, it's two different things. So just talking. Does anyone ever hit a punchline you value? content or whatever if you're straight up disruptive it's two different things so just talk to anyone ever hit a punch line you value like you know they just shout something out from the crowd that makes you laugh and answer the show yeah i remember um when i was a young comic i i ended up going after this dude who was an old comic and he was funnier than me And I ended up going after this dude who was an old comic, and he was funnier than me. Oh, no.

Uh-oh. He said we were – he was talking. You want a Dave Attell or something? He said to me, he goes, hey, man, sorry about that. You don't want any of this. And I took it as a challenge, and he was right. Yeah, he was right. I didn't want any of that. No, no, no, no.

He was way funnier than me, and i'm so lucky that only a quarter of the crowd could hear him that's an advantage i sometimes feel like comics don't give a credence to i don't know my phrasing is poor but like you have a mic and you typically have the audience on your side by default right unless you're ruining it and you've lost them somehow but mostly they're here to support you and you have a mic so people hear you more clearly i see comics just like make a silly face at a heckler and everyone you know laughs and thinks it's great i've been in that position i've been in that position where i'm like the celebrity with the backing of everybody and i'm not that witty i just say i

fucked your mom or something or you know like you're giving me a hard time But your mom loves it when I give her the hard time And they think it's fucking great It's not that great It's like It's a home game It's a home game Straight up home game And by the way

For me one of the reasons that I Prefer Not to have to do it Is because i know most of the people come to the show just want to hear the material and i'm here to service those people do you know what i mean that's what they bought the ticket for sure so um that's why i know that if you let people hang themselves you can really just go in and just you know you know what i said tell us okay i was in columbus ohio my son was with me on stage and this woman would not shut up but just talking at her table and a very white trashy looking 60 year old woman who sat with a cigarette on her lip drunk like that

not even lit can't light it you know what i mean she just had okay and she said something and i said to her hey listen i don't want to say what I'm about to say to you. So just let's have this be the last thing you say. Because I don't want to say it. Because it's kind of mean. But I really secretly wanted to say it. And I knew if I said that to her, she was going to invite you to. Yeah, keep talking. And the crowd was like, say it, say it.

I'm like, no, no, guys, I'm not that guy. I don't want to do that. And then two seconds later, I knew she couldn't hold herself and she said something and i go you know what i bet your pussy smells like cigarettes and the crowd exploded and so going back to what you said, Woody, in the moment with me on stage, home team, that's the funniest thing anyone's ever heard in that moment, right?

You get that advantage. Yeah. Because people want- They hate that person with you. They want you to win. They spent money on you, not on her. You know what I mean? And so you can really,

there's some stock lines. I try not to do any stock lines. I really, uh, and I try to try to keep it where I'm laughing. Keep it light. You don't want to come off as like a screaming, angry lunatic.

Who's like actually upset by it because then people watching it would be like oh this seems a lot deeper than joking now seems like he really has a lot of resentment so i'm a little uncomfortable yes and the truth of the matter is i never would because you know strangers don't have that type of power over me if i don't know you i can't think of something that type of power over me. If I don't know you, I can't think of something that you could say to me that would make me upset. I just don't know you well enough that your words mean anything to me. You know what I'm saying? And so like, I, I'm never mad. I'm sometimes I'm like frustrated

and I have to kick people out, but I'm never never mad i'll hug it out with anybody i don't give a shit that's a good way to see it i i still get mad i get mad about stupid shit like i i got a burrito this was like i remember this was four years ago i got a burrito from chipotle my wife and my now wife we went and got it. And like, we picked it up. I guess I wasn't really paying that much attention. Like we placed the order, then we went to pick it up. So I didn't see them making it. And I got home and it was like triple wrapped

with torn, destroyed tortillas. And the whole thing was just a bowl. And I remember like getting livid. Like if I wanted a fucking burrito bowl, I would have ordered a burrito bowl. I wanted the burrito. I wanted the handheld aspect of it my girlfriend at the time it's like it's the same food it's okay i'm like i didn't want it this way and i'm like like full-on like baby tantrum style like mad about it and it wasn't until later that evening i'm like i'm sorry about the burrito thing. That was over the line.

But in my head, I was so excited for that burrito. Yeah. And then for it to not be what I imagined. And for them to have, I will say this, they put a spiteful amount of lettuce in it. A spiteful amount of lettuce. Not a smattering of lettuce as you would want. An amount that tells me, fuck you, you're not getting double meat. Or. What I do to you. Maybe they're telling you probably more lettuce in your diet.

Probably more lettuce in my diet. No, I need the protein for lifting. I need to build my, because as long as I'm lifting weights all the time, I can say, yeah, but I lift weights all the time. I'm just, I'm just a big boned. I don't have to come to terms with being fat. big boned. I don't have to come to terms with being fat. I like that. That is a really well thought out form of denial. Have you considered

intermittent fasting, Taylor? Ha! I sleep every night. I absolutely love the fasting. Really? I love it. Sick and raw. I did that for for like this was years ago when i did it i would do it to like i think it was like eight to eight or so and i would be so fucking just i

couldn't do lifting like i just didn't feel like i had energy and instead of doing the smart thing which would have been like hey let's do uh let's change the time frame on it i was like no no we're not doing this we're gonna go back to eating around the clock again i did something similar like i wouldn't eat until lunchtime basically that was my intermittent fasting and uh but then come lunchtime it was like you're fucking roll out the cart babe i'm hungry i'm gonna have myself a 1500 calorie lunch that's how it always goes for me like when i do fuck i've been doing really really good with not overdoing my snacking the past couple months like other than that candy debacle other than other than the candy debacle last weekend i've been doing tremendous not i i have a i'm of the opinion that there's no way it's much better to have a huge fuck-off meal like that

than it is to eat that bag of candy spread out over, say, a week. Because I think if you spread that candy over a week, your body is able to turn more of that extra energy into actual fat. I bet the reason you felt so sick was your body is like, ah, we can't process this into fat properly. What have you done? Eat it slower next time so we can make fat of it. Now we have to make greasy shits.

I never eat candy. And so going from no candy ever to the equivalent of nine or ten Snickers. That's what my body sounds like. Was a shock to the system. Yeah. This is too much. I don't have any scientific evidence to back it. But I just feel like if I eat 40,000 calories before I go to bed tonight,

you don't gain a pound. Yeah. Not that you gain a pound, but I'll gain a pound. We call that cheating the reaper. So a pound of fat is 3,500 calories. You're saying if you eat late at night, you don't gain weight? No, no, no. I'm saying if I eat an excessive amount, 40,000

calories at once, it can't be as bad as eating that 40,000 calories over the month. Yeah, because your body just doesn't know what to do with that influx of nonsense. You're going to poop it out not fully digested and turned into fat. A pound of fat is

3,500 calories. I just think that maybe if you eat 3 500 calories extra today you will gain a whole pound dude if you ate 30 000 five won't gain 10 pounds in a day you won't gain 10 you won't gain 10 today you'll you'll get sick and you'll probably have some weird shits but like there's no way your body is able to turn is create 10 pounds of fat out of 35 000 calories in that short of a period of time and you see people do that sometimes it's crazy like youtube um uh eating challenge videos where they go somewhere and eat just platters of food it's tens of thousands of calories is that why you think like you know kobayashi or whatever that

asian dude who was he was he wasn't even that big, but that's because he's eating all those calories at once. And your body doesn't know what else to do besides shit it out. I might be bulimic too. I mean, I don't think that he regularly eats like huge and huge amounts of like, it's calories in calories out mostly, but I'm just saying these huge one-time binges are not like,

like clear mathematics as far as calories in, calories out. Calories in, calories out pertains more to long-term stuff. Like, oh, so you've been eating 500-calorie sandwiches four times a day for the last month. We can probably figure this math out. But if you eat $50,000 worth of roast beef tomorrow, I don't know what's going to happen. But you're not going to gain that much in fat. You're not going to turn 50,000 surplus calories into 50,000 calories of fat that is

on your body. You might be high because 50,000 calories of roast beef has got to be like too much food. Yeah, I think the heart attack happens before the shit does. Heart attack? Well, I don't... Does eating actually cause a heart attack worth of roast beef

i you'd be more likely to like rupture a uh your stomach or something right or maybe your asshole oh the asshole can take a pounding yeah you can't eat it you can't eat it if you think you can eat enough to hurt an asshole you're gonna you're shit end of that stick. I've been training my anus for years now. I disagree. You haven't stung your butthole before? The modern anus is so coddled. You just don't know how to season an anus. They're just

like cookware. You have to get a nice seasoning layer on there to harden it. You're telling me that my butthole is like that old black pan my nana used to cook on no my butthole is no mine is mine's got it's got that baked in hardness to it you've got that like rachel ray pan that you used the fork on one time when you made eggs and now it's ruined i have my my my butthole is definitely it's Tupperware Yeah, not a hardy asshole Yeah, you can see through it

You put that thing in the dishwasher, it's gonna melt Yeah, yeah, it's not good with hot stuff No Yeah, I agree You throw my asshole right in the dishwasher You'd love it I don't like anything That you can't put in the dishwasher

This coffee cup used to have the whole crew of star trek on the uh uh the um the the transporter pad and when you poured the coffee in they transport it to a planet but i put the bitch in a dishwasher so now it's a black coffee cup no you transported him to the bottom of the fucking dishwasher. I paid $40 for that coffee cup. You what? Goddamn Etsy. Did you really? I did. I liked it. They had the whole cast on there and they beamed down when you

poured the coffee in. It's still $40 for a coffee cup. The one, the coffee cup I really want on Etsy is like $150 and it's like a human skull with a handle. Not a real human skull, but it looks so realistic. 150 and it's like a human skull with a handle not a real human skull but it looks so realistic i think it's carved out of stone or something but they're expensive and i just can't how often are you on etsy my wife's on etsy all the time i have the

app i i just like when i buy people gifts or if i'm going to buy like some wall decor or something like that some sort of a knickknack or something i'd much rather get something that somebody made themselves with like hammer and chisel than something that i got got out of ikea or out of amazon or something this might not be a good example this is something that that's probably like mass produced and then they're just retailing it through or they're not retailing but but um shipping it through um trevor foster there but um there's plenty of stuff on etsy that's like oh shit you're making these weaponry school on there a lot black there's a lot of blacksmiths on there and um i don't know if they call them leather smiths like whatever you call people who make

leather armor that's like period specific really cool artistry with that stuff i'm not into it or anything but i like looking at it the knives i once Kyle once gave me a really neat idea, and he was 100% right. The woodworking behind the BDSM furniture is weak, and the craftsmanship is lame and just a bunch of butt joints and screws and shit. I could make much better sex furniture than you see on Etsy now. If I was a real entrepreneur, then I would have that going i would have a work i'd have a workshop rented out with three fucking uh guys in there

toiling away cranking those things out make why making is it really overpriced place for sex furniture it is and and the other thing is that like sex furniture what we're talking about specifically is like um like spanking benches and like bondage, saw horses, things that like the lady like bends over on or gets tied to. Like those things are like like five hundred to fifteen hundred dollars. I appreciate that Josh relocated to the bed for this conversation and when you when you look at the materials that they used it's like oh shit dude like this is basic bitch like high school carpentry and the it's like these are just regular screws like i mean they're wood screws but i mean good but they're not the right you know you it's it's amateur hour and they're selling it for several hundred dollars

a profit a pop and there's always sold out and i just think it for several hundred dollars a profit, a pop, and they're always sold out. And I just think that if you had a guy who could crank these out and another guy who could upholster them, you could just print money. You could just print money. It's easily a $10,000 a month profit kind of like set it up and go kind of business. A lot of people are buying those? Yeah. I mean, it's a big world. You ship them worldwide.

You make them so that they're collapsible and they assemble them there, right? So you get your shipping down. The designs are already out there. You can just get a PDF and be like, all right, we're making that one. And just it's done. You could probably have like outsource it to a – there's probably somewhere you could even look up online and be like, hey, would you guys build these for me? Like, yeah, 125 a unit. Oh, yeah.

All right. I'm sure that exists. I just don't know. Some guy with a CNC machine putting them together once you design it for him. It'd be like printing out ideas. CNC music factor? I forget. It's a kind of router that's operated by computers and operates in 3D space.

So it just cuts the pieces exactly while you want them to be and it saves material right like did you guys in high school work on a lathe did you guys have woodworking in high school i've got a lathe in the shop he's big into woodworking like i would say like used to be he's like a black belt and an amateur woodworking um i grew up on a farm and like doing basic shit like i could put some shingles on your house and patch them up and like i built a shed before i know how to swing a hammer but that's about the extent and what do you actually know how to make your make things with the lathe yeah yeah lathe work i didn't do anything super fancy but i would make like um beds and stuff

that had carved um posts and things like that so they'd have to get them all to match and stuff that had carved posts and things like that. So they'd have to get them to all to match and stuff. I was into making like heirloom style furniture, things that had no metal in all their connectors. It was all mortise and tenon and joints and wedges and shit like that. And I got into this like Neanderthal kind. So I'd build, I'd use like old fucking, what is the drill called where you crank the middle of it? The hand drill. You can just call it a hand drill, I'd use like old fucking, um, what is the drill called? Where you drill the middle of the hand drill, but you can just call it a hand drill.

I think sure. There's a name for it though. Like I'd use all the hand drills and start my mortises that way with chisels and I'd use hand planes to service all the wood and stuff. Um, yeah, it just, it's a really, you like find a piece of furniture that's worth a thousand dollars and I could make it for $3,000 in a hundred hours. So like, it wasn't like a money saver or anything, but it was a hobby that I was into. That's how a lot of hobbies are though.

You know, at least you're, Woody is a collector of hobbies. I like it. I like it. And that's, that should be your life. Like our lives should be a collector of hobbies i i'm i like it i like it and that's that should be your life like like our lives should be a collection of hobbies really if you want to stay active and always be learning things into adulthood and you get the means to not have to be uh you know nine to five every day sleep what do you mean a hobby i'm fucking tired you know if you break free of that then that should be about collecting hobbies what he some point, Woody will have most of the talents of a regular action star. He's got the shooting, the fighting, the motorcycle driving.

He's a pilot. He's an award-winning dancer. What am I missing? There's several more. All of these are true. All of these are true. Wait, wait. Can I ask questions now on the list?

Yeah. Let's start with award-winning dancer there was a big dance competition with a youtube person uh not internet celebrities and uh and he won it he won it that's how i paid off my first house wait when was this when was this where can i see it what was the dance don't skim over this shit so we're leaving out that i wasn't actually a great dancer i was good enough for a few minutes to look okay he's being and um that's how you want to work baby bed or you have it be a few seconds i uh but um what happened was this like the winners were chosen on popularity so i had a good enough dance not to embarrass myself it looked okay and then i would live stream every day i'd make videos every day reminding people to vote for me

in these videos and i used my audience to basically stuff the ballot box and pay off my house just like american idol did you what was the dance so the i forget the woman's name there were several cat or something she was she was pretty hot great body is it yeah she was katie perry's lead dancer um she had a name that you don't hear every day yeah there's me and um anyway this was a choreographer she was katie perry's lead dancer and we would spend like a week learning the routine and then at the end of the week we would film it or it was two weeks the first time one week the second man and um and we just you know filmed our routine and this is just bad this isn't the how much did you win this 37.5 i think 37 500 what yeah this is 11 years ago. Okay.

Okay. The other one that you skipped over that I'm interested in is you said a skilled fighter. Yeah. Yeah. He has trained years of Brazilian jujitsu and at least a year or so of, of boxing sparring under, under professional tutelage. He has befriended

and trained with professional fighters, some of which have been in the top 10 of their weight divisions in the UFC. They predate the rankings, but even so, it's true. He's also lived with a professional fighter and trained under his personal

tutelage for a month before. Sort of a Mr. Miyagi type situation. He's saying tutelage. a month before. Um, sort of a Mr. Miyagi type situation. He'd say in tutelage. I like everything. That is accurate. So you, you, you're Tom Cruise.

Bit of a Renaissance man. He is. People mix us up. He now goes on cross country, a hardcore motorcycle rides, um, where he, he's broken a few bones along the way.

He also does. I've broken every arm and leg at this point. Yeah, he does this crazy stunt flying. He does lots of parachuting. When you say every arm and leg, you make it sound like you have more than two of each. He does. It's like a Goro-type situation.

Yeah, when you're like every arm and leg, I'm like, how many are we talking here, dude? Eight. He's an arachnoman. And that's how he gets so much done. Woody is so into hobbies that, like, I swear, within ten years, he's gonna

be religious, because he will have run out. That's what happened to his dad! It happened to my father. And then just like his dad, he'll be like, I guess I'm a fucking Christian now. I'm gonna go take all my vacations in israel like my dad he was right your father i bet your father would have we talked about that gentleman recently who's a super cyclist right the the 60 year old he's just about to be 60 and now as a 60 year old it's like

oh i've been killing the the six the 59 and younger division now in in the 60s, I'm going to dominate. But your dad was a pretty serious cyclist, right? Maybe not on some national ranked level, but more than anything I'd ever heard of. How many miles would your dad put in in a week at his best? 700. 700 miles a week on his bike. I don't do that in my car, man. No.

I will tell you, though though my dad also my dad turned 85 this year and has been shooting his age in golf for five years wow nice oh okay that's wrong and here's the type of dude he is he's 85 right and he shot an 84 and i said dude you're still shooting your own age he was like yeah but it's an 84 you can't be happy about that i'm like you're old as fuck man you're 85 you the fact that you're playing 18 is great the fact that you're shooting in 84 is fucking crazy yeah crazy but is it right the card he's he's earned the cart at 85 and i'll tell you something else the the clubs don't let him walk they're like no dude you're in the car they won't let him of course that's some liability stuff we don't want any older gentlemen walking around on our course sir have a seat right here i'll

drive you to the next hole and have a beverage on me. Baby aspirin complimentary. You want a beer or something? Let me get your arm up here. Yeah, looking good, sir. That's a blood pressure. I don't want an 85-year-old dying, walking up the hill on the 15th hole. It's a bad look. They shut the whole green down.

All the parties on the front nine are like, what the fuck? Some alarmed golfer is going to be like, ah, shanked that one and find your dad. Yeah, but they're not sure if they can play the ball off his dead body. They're like, do I move it off here? Play it as it lies. We play it as he lies. Play it as he lies.

Yeah, but my dad is a... But he's... It sounds like your dad, man. He's so focused. He works out, I think, four days a week. He golfs five days a week. He takes... Oh, also...

I think three classes. He teaches a couple classes. This dude goes. My father just stopped running recently like he used to run every day now he just rides his bike because he's 75 or something like that 76 yeah and it was hard on his knees to keep running but he still exercises another accolade for woody he's also um got got a six pack at almost 50 which is pretty bad pretty impressive like that's got like if you keep like drawing like making like percentages Woody. He's also got a six-pack at almost 50, which is pretty bad. Pretty impressive. If you keep making percentages of the population

who have achieved any of these things, it's like him, maybe like John Travolta, some Indian dance star we've never heard of. Are you talking about a six-pack? Six-pack plus dance winner plus motorcyclist. Don't get that. The combat training. don't got that the combat training like

we got all of his little circle diagrams you know they overlap enough it's just like him Venn diagram is just woody in there but everyone has their own Venn it's like rock no the rock doesn't fly around he's too he's too large yeah he's not a pilot doesn't know to fly he He's too large. Yeah, he's not a pilot. He doesn't know how to fly. He would be horrible in the air. No wind resistance. Woody's got this ridiculous thing he flies around called a paramotor where he's got a parachute behind him plus a fan on his back, and he zooms around the skies at many thousands of feet.

And occasionally people who do this silly hobby get sucked up. They call it cloud suck. They take them up to the higher than fucking airliners fly and you're sitting there with your little goggles on your cell phone and that's all you fucking got and and you get so cold and hypoxic that you go to sleep the air's thin up there so you start coming on back down and you and you're so cold and ice is all over you and you're like what can i do nothing until you go up a lot higher high again because you're getting sucked and you go so cold and ice is all over you and you're like what can i do nothing until you go up a lot higher high again because you're getting sucked and you go hypoxic again up and down wake

up fall asleep wake up fall asleep and hope that you wake up again hope that you wake up again and the cloud doesn't keep taking you until you're done sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't it's all true though what the fuck are you talking about That's what he does What If It's What the fuck

You do that on purpose Yeah You try to avoid cloud suck You try to stay to the edges of the cloud But if you find yourself In the middle of it, then it's a big problem. So has that happened to you?

No, I've never been unable to get down. But getting down is one of the things I'm really good at. I'm an acrobatic paramotor pilot, so I'm losing altitude. I don't brag a lot, but I'm better than everybody at getting down. What has he been training for the last three years, I don't brag a lot, but I'm better than everybody at getting down. Can I ask you? Woody's been training for the last three years, going to these special retreats where they practice all sorts of weird maneuvers and stuff.

Woody, is there anything you're scared to do? Oh, I'm scared of all these things. Yeah, I just do it anyway. Oh, really? Yeah. That's true if anybody does stuff like this. Everybody's scared. You these things. Yeah. I just do it anyway. Oh, really? Yeah. That's true. If anybody does stuff like this, everybody,

everybody's scared. You have to respect it. Anytime you do anything crazy like this, everybody's scared. There's kind of an arrogance that I think that I can handle these troublesome situations. Of course they get hurt all the time. It's not always true, but,

but yeah, like that's the, it's not that I'm not scared or like sometimes I'm like, why am I even doing this? But afterwards it's like, oh, that was a blast. I really enjoyed doing that. Okay. Is there anything, so scare is not the right word, but is there anything you're like, I'm not doing that?

Base jumping, right? Didn't you say base jumping? Yeah, the base jumping, it just seems like bad decision making. So the thing is with like with paragliding where i am i have two reserve parachutes i've had an accident where the first reserve parachute didn't work like my wing wasn't flying i was spiraling to the ground i threw my reserve parachute it got caught up in the wing as i was spiraling i threw my second reserve parachute seconds before i hit the ground i rode that reserve for like 15 seconds and landed and I was fine. Like very close to death.

But that illustrates how I had like three opportunities to fix this. My regular wing, my first reserve, and my second reserve. The problem with base jumping, they don't have a reserve. There is no plan B. They're jumping from 400 feet. If plan A doesn't work out out plan b is get hurt i watched one died this week did you see the did you see the jump they did a coordinated jump four guys uh in pairs oh yes your first pair jumped and then the second pair was coming right after him

and one guy shoot didn't open he was on the right and he splatted he hit the ground hard it was like it was like river rocks you, the kind that are about this big. I saw a different one. Was he okay? I saw a pilot land into the guy below him's parachute. Oh, that's what I, you're right. But they hit the rock, right? If I recall correctly.

I was thinking he's dead. Like you said, two jumped, then two jumped. Yeah. Second jumper hits the first jumper's parachute. You're right, you're right. Then second jumper's chute deploys. First jumper's chute is ruined now, and he pile drives into the ground. That's what it was.

You're right. He might have died. With the other guy on top of him? No, the other guy got free of his chute. It's because his parachute got fouled by a person landing. Yeah, so the other guy, they call it a bird's nest. He hit the lower parachute, turned it into a bird's nest, an ineffective bunch of fabric

but he was able to get his shoot deployed eventually his yeah parachute and the guy who he hit is now his victim and he piles into the ground i don't know his injuries hard he hit hard i remember thinking that's death or so close to death that let's hope it was death. Woody, what's your worst accident you've had? Broke my leg. Do it. I was a newer pilot. I launched poorly. So when you first bring your wing up, you get a lot of lift, right?

So you think of air is going sideways. But if you stand on a cliff, the air goes up like it rushes up the hill and goes up so when you bring your wing up it pulled me straight in the air the first time i did that i handled it okay but the second time i didn't like my body position was all fouled up like imagine you're sitting on a swing and someone incredibly strong superman pulls the chains up really fast you might find yourself in like an awkward position it's hard to keep your feet to be the lowest part of you you might land on your ass right because you're just sort of in the air unable to right yourself and um the way i landed like i guess i planted a toe and then bent

it backwards like towards behind me and um oh yeah so i guess your leg has four bones that kind of connect your foot to your leg and i broke three of those so that sucked yikes that's i think that's my i think that's my worst accident that one yeah yeah but the brain was worse than the broken bones oh he's also he's also a lifeguard who saved over 200 people's lives also oh oh and he was um um uh award-winning swimmer as well um um many accolades to his name regional and uh local events yeah well i mean shit well we want to talk about stuff now we're talking about making millions of dollars we'll talk about this is good we should do this sometimes where we pump each other up i was gonna say this is a real i'm a good hype man you want me to do you next josh

oh you don't even know you've done some cool stuff i was downstairs and i was like yeah i do this josh wolf guy they were like really that's hilarious i saw him in texas like everybody's pumped down there that you're that you're up here They want to come up here. Fuck yeah, bring them up, man. Nah, fuck those assholes. I went down there. All the Nutty Buddy bars were gone. Oh, that's horrific. I keep them in the freezer. I get one after BKA.

Not this week. Yo, they ate all of them? You've got to send them out to get some more. Those Nutter Butters are so good. Remember that story our friends told us about that fucking obese, like, antisocial person that went on that trip with them? And he had the whole box of, like, Little Debbie cakes, and he was just like one after another.

And they were like, hey, they're individually wrapped for a reason. He ate, like, 12 in a box, and he ate the whole fucking box it was like those christmas tree cakes or something stupid like those aren't even very good not even good but let me ask you recipe what's your favorite frozen candy bar oh i think these are really good um i grew up when i was four years old there was a gas station just down the road from us uh ran by a guy a guy named duane and duane had one of those old-timey uh coolers that you had to you know that's low to the ground you slide the top over yeah it was a coca-cola uh cooler and down in there he would keep a bunch of reeses and snickers and my dad would take me up there and i'd get a can of coke and i'd get a reeses and we'd sit there and shoot the shit with him. I loved those.

Four-year-old me, I loved those. There's a Snickers ice cream bar. Does that count? That one's good. For me, dude, it's... I'll tell you something. I think a Three Musketeers is so much better frozen than it is not frozen that that might get my vote

just because it's so much better than the regular one. It's hard to eat though, right? Doesn't it get super just gnaw on it and barely make progress? It's so much better. It's crazy. Cookies are good. Oreos are really good. Oh, you know, we used to

freeze Charleston Chews and throw them at each other. I was going to say these things are so difficult to eat. What are you doing to increase your yarn? We just threw those at each other. Those and those little peppermint patties, we used to freeze them and just fucking huck them at each other. The winner is the one who gets all the candy.

Oh, don't throw money at me next. I like peppermint patties. I like them too. They're all right. Junior mints. The problem is that like ice cream has so calorie dense that you got to pick your favorites. When you go to, when you go to like play that ice cream game, you got to have, you got to be like, all right, let's pick our best. And for me, the best ice cream is, um, um, it's not moose tracks.

It's, uh, it's, it's otter paws. Otter paws is like chocolate covered pecans and caramel and vanilla ice cream is that like a ben and jerry's one or something yeah i think i think a few different not just ben and jerry's but some i've seen it elsewhere like some briars or something to me that's the best fat oh yeah yeah yeah yeah okay look we you and i have our ways of making things that are like ice cream and then those are okay some of the shit i make is definitely not it looks a little like ice cream like egg whip floof or something that shit is awful like what does that

mean egg whip floof so like i Kyle, are you familiar with this? To volumize it or something? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got egg white and zero-calorie chocolate sauce and some other stuff, and you're whipping it up, and you're making these calorie-free almost brownies. A whole pan of brownies is like 300 calories, I think. But if you look at the macros on a pan of these brownies, it's pretty good. It's healthy. It's protein. It's like all protein almost.

So there were days when I'd be like, I'm having a pan of brownies for lunch, like in the middle of my weight cut. When I was like dick skin lean and you could like see veins that that were like powering my cock going from my stomach to my cock like i there were days in the middle of that the whole lunch was nothing but a whole pan of brownies and uh what's that recipe oh google like i can get it for you it's easy you like you're looking to get a good cock mane are you i'm looking to get a bunch of protein in a sweet form that i can be like oh i'm getting my protein macros for the day and I'm snacking. I like things like that. I feel like I'm cheating.

Explain to me when you guys say protein macros what we're talking about. All right. So you need enough protein to build muscle. There are three macronutrients. And then there are the micronutrients that you've heard about, like all the vitamins and minerals and shit. But the macronutrients are your fats your carbs and your protein right right and they're just the uh they're the densities of those is what i care about because fat is the most dense calorically one gram of fat has i'm making up a number i don't have it off the top of my head i think it's 12

calories but one gram of protein is like seven and i I don't know what carbs are, but they might be six. You often also have to factor in how many calories your body burns, how much energy it takes to process each of those calories. If we're going to get crazy about this and we're about to do a body transformation for say, you know, but what we're talking about when we say macros is the ratio of those three macronutrients, fats, carbs, and proteins. What I do is I make sure that I've got my correct protein allotment. I do that little math problem, multiplying my body weight or my lean body mass or whatever in kilos and then figure that out.

And then I fill the rest in mostly with carbs and a few healthy fats in every meal, which is mostly almonds and fish. I do something close, right? So what they want you to do is get the right amount of fats, carbs, and proteins for the amount of calories you want. So you're like, God, I'm trying to lose weight. I'm going to have 2,000 calories a day. That means that I need whatever, 150 grams of protein, so many carbs, so many fats. I'll be like this.

Okay, the 2,000 calories, that part I give a fuck about. The protein, that part carbs, so many fats. I'll be like this. Okay, the 2,000 calories, that part I give a fuck about. The protein, that part I give a fuck about. The carbs and the fats can suck my dick. I always get enough of those. It's not that hard to get enough fats and sugar in your diet. Just keep those as small as possible while getting enough protein and not too many calories. And if you do that you're 80 right you're 80 right you're absolutely correct protein's the only macro i actually like track and make sure i hit 200 grams oh you need to hit yeah yeah i don't care if you hit your carb but if you don't hit your carb numbers correctly you're not gonna be able to do your workout i usually just make sure like at least 200 grams a day and that seems you know there's there were plenty of days i would

run out of energy and like i would have to go get some orange juice kyle i disagree with you like almost 100 man okay in that i have so much energy i'm 52 and i'm just high fat i burn fat i don't burn carbs but that's what your diet is you're on like a keto diet yeah well then you're a ketosis your body burns fat differently than ours do you've trained to do so but that's what i'm saying so yeah but so like for me it's the exact opposite i i by the way i've never felt better i'm thinner oh i bet yeah good i hear that a lot i'm i'm thinner than i want to be like i don't but i but at my age i'd rather feel better than look the way i want to be. I don't... At my age, I'd rather feel

better than look the way I want to look. I have a question about delving... Getting into ketosis, air quotes, seems to be an annoying part of it. Those first few days, it's like loading creatine. Can you just shoot up some... What's that stuff

diabetics use? Insulin? Crash your fucking levels and just go straight into ketosis i get my body that's probably not good for you know that that you know some people say that they like there are these powders or stuff that are ketones you can put in your body no if it don't i don't believe anything that come in a needle yeah can i i'm telling you if you don't get it from your pharmacist, it's probably witchcraft. It is, but it has been like, it did take me a while. It took my body a long time.

Insulin suppresses ketone production. So if you want to get into ketosis and stay there, you want to minimize insulin as much as possible, unless you're taking outside insulin. The easiest way to do this is changing what you eat. Interesting. I'm still on the right track. I was just on the wrong end of the road yeah you and basically like the things that i don't pray anymore

give me some more needles that make ketosis by the way i'm a straight up stoner dude and i used to eat three bags of Skittles a night. A night. I used to sit and eat. I'd put them in a bowl and my wife and I would just go after them. I don't remember ever seeing you fat, though. I was never fat. I'm a gym rat.

I mean, even now, I'm in the gym six days a week and I hike with my dog in the morning. Why haven't you done TRT for like three miles a day. I haven't had to. I think my dad was in pretty good shape for a long time. It's not just about having to. Don't think of it as, oh, man. No, no, no. I don't think of it as that at all.

You're allowed to. I still have. You're in. I I still have... I still have muscle. I still have a six-pack. You're still looking at it wrong. The TRT isn't the... You're thinking of TRT like CPR. Like, oh, yeah. I'll wait until I'm drowned

and I need to be saved to have some... Your head and abs are still good. My levels are still good. My levels are still good. So my body still makes it. So while my body still makes it. My levels are great. Kyle's levels are

heinously high. It's super duper cheap. If you ever do it, don't do the cream That's silly stuff, that's amateur hour You want this, and it's little bitty needles These needles don't hurt They're little bitty baby syringes They're tiny, you can't even see that needle

Why do you have a syringe laying on your desk? All pointy Because I've got it in a sharps container upside down I just injected it before the show Were you reusing syringes? Of course not. This is one I just used that's in a container. It's called being a smart consumer, Woody.

It's called being cost conscious in these trying times. First of all, Taylor, you're right. I'm underestimating how biologically sensitive Kyle is. He's saving the environment. He is. He's putting these all in a bag and burying it in the woods. When he's done.

I put them in the bag. You know, I think everybody in the news is saying that you shouldn't pour motor oil on hills. No, I've been saving them. Halloween's coming up. I got hundreds. It's very spooky. Where was it? You said it was in a

sharps container. I you could get to it. I've got a plastic container over here. Did you reach into the plastic container to get it out? Yeah, it's in the container, upside down, needle first, with the little alcohol pad that I used to sterilize. Show it to us. No. You don't even keep it in a safe?

What if a child came across it? It should be in a safe. Locked up. It's not like a container or anything. It's just what I put it in. Oh, okay. So that sharps container at a hospital is on the wall. It's like a little trash can.

Oh, what sharps is a brand? Oh, this doesn't have a sharps logo. Oh, my God. I'm going to drop things in a sharps container. I thought it was going to be like what you saw in Orange Hospital. Yeah. I may have implied that. It's actually an old Nutella container. But it's in there.

It's an old Nutella container. No, I highly recommend TRT. You know, bigger, faster, I highly recommend TRT. You know, bigger, faster, stronger, all that stuff. You know, just go watch Pumping Iron with Arnold and let him... And you can go do his... You can do exactly the same shit he did if you wanted to.

I don't think it's a good idea. It's better stuff now. As soon as... When I'm done having kids, I'm going to get on TRT. I'm going to get on an amount that the doctors are saying, stop, stop, don't do anymore. And I'm going to be so mad. Is this going to be like the Ellie Confidential DVD again? Am I going to have to pay to freeze your sperm so that you can get on juice so I can see you turn into the big muscle nasty Hulk that you're meant to be? I want to do that.

I feel like I've got good genes for putting muscle on. It's a lot easier for me to put muscle on than a lot of people. Taylor, nine months of just TRT and lifting hard like you already do. Maybe you add 300 or 400 calories

to your diet. More calories. How will I manage? Oh, no! You would be 250 pounds 260 pounds by the time you were done then you'd cut off about 25 and you would be 230 pounds of like us you'd look like a professional football player in nine months do it in nine months you'd have the bulk to be like a lineman in a year you'd have cut the fat off of that nine months and you'd have the bulk to be like a lineman. In a year, you'd have cut the fat off of that nine months, and you would look like a professional athlete. Taylor, you should do this instead of conceiving being one.

Instead of having children, I just get shredded. When you walk in, clothes will fit you in a way that don't fit normal human beings. You will have to get special kinds of clothes to fit around your delts and your quads. By the way, is it weird that I'm kind of hard right now? No, it's normal. That's a different pill, but we've got that too. Oh, yeah.

I'm bricked up just thinking about how hot I'm going to look. Look, head on over to MerrickHealth.com or whatever Derek's website is and sign up. It's not that expensive. They send you your drugs. You shoot it into your arm and then you get real big and strong

and get your dick sucked. Sounds good. Wow. Is that on the bottle? It's mostly by dudes though. Everybody thinks you get ripped and girls are going to be like, no, but everybody

from girls, but head from girls is just about sex. Head from another guy, that's about power. What do girls know about penises? I got one compliment. I've gotten one compliment ever from a woman about being in shape. It was at the gym, and it was after I paid her a compliment, I think.

I think I said something like, wow, your back, you look amazing. Keep it up. It did. Her back looked like one of those rock clim climbers backs where you see every muscle fiber and i was like it was like i wasn't even hitting on her i was like you look amazing your back's incredible you like you're killing it she's like oh yeah you look great too your arms are great and it was like that was that that's the only time a woman is saying dudes all the time dudes are asking what i'm on or if i'm

on something or like like how do you do this? Why are you doing that? But like women don't aren't earning all that stuff. At least not in that way. Here's something that'll make you feel good. I read on Reddit cost. I work out in a home gym. I don't, I'm not familiar with gym culture.

I'm always reading that. It's terrible to like hit on girls at the gym, to say anything complimentary at the gym. Everyone's there like nose down, trying to work. Don't bother me, et cetera. Why?

Why isn't this a more social thing? People are barely dressed. You know what you're buying. Why is the gym such a bad pickup environment? It seems wonderful. So I'll say this when I went, when, before I had a home gym and I spent a whole year or so,

maybe 14, 15 months going every single day to that public gym and i avoided people as much as possible because the pandemic and everything i was going at two to three a.m every night for an hour and a half two hours but when i would see hot girls in there like the same ones repeatedly and i would nod and that was it i could tell they didn't want any part of me and and and they didn't want to like talk their fucking head down getting their cardio in getting their squats and doing their work and i felt the same way it's like i'm here to do some work i don't have time i would i started going during the day

for a little while and i think i told you guys i sent you guys videos like some of the crazy stuff that's going on like it was like one guy in cowboy boots i think it was a hot girl in yellow and it was like i guess a little creepy of me to record her but i wasn't recording because he's like doing squats i was just like i was like look this is my gym environment yeah and but i remember thinking like i don't need to be working out here at like noon when all these hot chicks are here like this is distracting like i'm here to do some work not to get woody like if you if you went to the gym and didn't get done what you wanted to get done you'd be bummed out right like you want to get your work in and so it's let me let me lay this out hypothetical single woody goes to the gym

thinking he's going to do bench press but instead he gets a girlfriend and you're upset about this what he's an idiot five minutes ago you were you'd won you were hypothetical single woody's an idiot five minutes ago you were you'd won you were hypothetical single woody and you're like imagine imagine a guy who has it all and immediately throws it away now moving forward i've thrown it all away it's behind me i have my new girlfriend no motherfucker hypothetical single woody is getting so much easy pussy thrown at him. Girls that come over, suck his dick, and then... You're not going to the gym for it. You gotta work hard for it at the gym, dude.

No. You just have him over at your palatial estate, and you're like, hey, watch me fly around, and then you can blow me. Hypothetical single Woody doesn't even want to fuck with those people that are at a public gym. It's like, oh, you're a public gym okay no thanks my dear no thanks no i don't i don't want

to go to a public gym i i'm ruined for it with with home jimmery hey i will never wait in line could hypothetical single woody hang glide to somebody's house because you can get some pussy for sure if you did they could absolutely they also have a hang glider first of all we have a name for that it's called the night wing that's that's i vote see i think woody's so close to being a superhero that we're just one collapse in our society away from him becoming the night wing all right god forbid some sort of criminal element did something to those that he cares for now he has to go and become a for vigilante justice the nightwing takes to the skies i think that the when the moon is black as the hole in his heart that they

created when they took all that he loved but the reality is me showing up getting stuck in a power line begging her to help me get down no way You're up there with your lever action 22. Serving justice. Maybe I thought if I came here by paramotor I'd look cool, but I'm stuck here. I imagine you'd be like trying to sneak up on criminals

and they'd just be like, what's that? And you just hear like, and they're like, oh my God, there he is. 300 yards away. We got 10 minutes to wrap this up, boys.

Guys, he's coming in for a graceful landing. We gotta get out of here. What's he gonna do when he gets on the ground? Oh, I guess he doesn't have a car, does he? One of my friends got stuck in a tree. And she was stuck there like all night long she threw her reserve parachute down but it still couldn't reach the ground so if it doesn't the move is just to stay in your harness hanging from a tree wolves and coyotes gathered underneath and started howling i don't know which one and uh she just stayed in there until hell arrived. That's why Woody flies with a pistol now.

Just to be safe. That and taking pot shots at Mexicans. He's terrible about that. I love that. I'm like, who's the John Cena hero? Peacekeeper? Peacemaker?

Except a little bit racist. Hey, guys. Yeah. I get it, Jack. Let's wrap it up. It's time to wrap. We're over. We love you to death.

Thank you for coming, Josh. We're going to check out where you're going to be next. What's that website? Comedianjoshwolf.com. And check out the show Family Tussle, guys. Family Tuss next. What's that website? Comedianjoshwolf.com and check out the show Family Tussle, guys. Family Tussle. Where's it at? It's on YouTube. It's on my YouTube channel. It's a self-funded show.

All right. It's the best thing I've ever done. Go check out his stuff. Family Tussle. Link in the description. Buy our cum pills!