Painkiller Already - PKA 623: Woody Goes To A Trap House, Kyles Secret Wife And Kid, Worst Guest Ever

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

pka 623 a slush puppy may be joining us he's not here yet we'll see how that works out taylor this episode of pka brought to you by fume and lock and load nice nice special lock and load black friday deal we'll talk more about later nice big discounts for your big loads kyle you're preparing a wonderful meal for for your family for your loved ones and you were excited talking about it are you deep frying a turkey are you making multiple turkeys are you gonna have like steak as an option how many meat types so i only do the fried turkey if you don't like that then go fuck yourself um i don't someone asked me who i was cooking ham and my friend what if a jewish person wants to spend this this wonderful holiday with me?

You answer. I might get the fuck out of here. Or one of my sand people brothers. Maybe they. None of them eat pork. So no, I'll be frying a turkey. It's amazing. If you've never had fried turkey,

it's juicy, it's crispy on the outside. It's great. It really redeems what turkey is. I appreciate how inclusive you are to think about the sand people when you're making your meals. I love Star Wars. What can I say so and ham is the worst kind of pork far and away the worst form of pork is that ham with like pineapples on it every other kind of pork beats that out no what are the

other kinds of pork pork chops pork steaks pork tenderloin. Pork belly. Bacon. Pulled pork. All right, now bacon is overrated. Sausage is better than bacon, in my opinion. Like a good country sausage. That's still pork. We're in the mix. It's like sage. No, I'm just saying bacon, but like sausage.

Anyway, we're getting away from the point. I do dressing instead of stuffing, and I do like three sides and dessert, and that's my Thanksgiving. There's not some like table full of green bean casserole nobody wants to eat there's really nothing green like don't show up if that's not what you're what you're looking for there's macaroni and cheese there's mashed potatoes there's a fried turkey there's dressing there's gravy and that's it that's it i'll make some pie and and and then you can go home rolls like homemade bread no no what you want to fill up on the rolls get the fuck out of here bring your own rolls if you want all right

i told you what i'm cooking bring your own rolls it's bring your own beer too that's fucked up he's been spoiled by grandma he's got high standards that's what the dressing that i spend two days making is for i'm making the cornbread tonight letting it get stale overnight making the dressing it's wonderful it's these little cubes it's not like that like pile of shit y'all eat up north. And I'm just speaking to anyone listening. Or around the world, if you eat stuffing, it's fucking stupid.

We eat dressing here, and it's these cubes that you can cut out, cut a square out, and grab that square, throw it on your plate, and put some gravy on. And if you've never had it, you don't know. It's fucking delicious. Yeah, I don't think I've had this. I think I've just had stuffing. Ah, you don't even know. It's fucking delicious. Yeah, I don't think I've had this. I think I've just had stuffing. Ah, you don't even know. It's good stuff.

I don't, but I like stuffing and I'm not ready to let it be disparaged like this. Trust me, it's shit. You've been eating shit your whole life. Every holiday, every loved one who's ever served. You thought those people loved you. It does come out of a chicken's ass.

You're making a lot of sense. Any woman who's ever given you stuffing, she doesn't love you that much. Let's just say that. My mom watches this show. I know. I'm pointing her out specifically, Woody's mom. Alright?

A life without dressing is not a life that I want to fucking live, lady. You'd be fine with my grandma's style of dressing then probably she does it southern style yeah i don't like wasting stomach space on too much dressing because it is it is frankly the least appealing looking food okay and also like i usually eat things like in ranking like Number one, I go for all the meats I like. So my grandma almost always makes some fillets. So I'll eat a couple steaks. That's weird.

And then I go to fried turkey. Does your grandfather always have money? No. No. Did your grandmother? No, they both grew up without running water. For you. They didn't.

My question is, the reason I'm here, did he have money without running water they didn't like my question is the reason i'm here did he have money like in your interactions with him in like enough to like buy me toys was like my understanding like they didn't like start doing well until like they got older because they were both like they grew up without running water they had nothing and so like they didn't have a ton of food just in the house and so now like they every up without running water they had nothing and so like they didn't have a ton of food just in the house and so now like they every every single holiday it doesn't matter if it's fucking arbor day there's steaks it's awesome i love it i like like my family was definitely i hope that's not an exaggeration cooking filet mignons for everybody,

that stuff's like $17 to $25 a pound. It's expensive. We don't have a lot of members of our family on my mom's side. Yeah, but she cooks enough. I want to be around Taylor's grandmother. I'm like, I saw on the calendar, it's Yasha Shana. Yeah. Yasha Shana.

Oh, that's right. It is Yasha Shana. Come here, honey. I didn't know Taylor was one of the desert people. I mean, she loves when I come down to the house. So she'll be like, now, I know, you know, it's Chinese New Year. Now, you know, we like to celebrate the Lunar New Year here. Everybody bring your Lunar New Year hats. My grandparents are both gems. They're both just incredible people. Very fortunate.

That's terrific. Yeah, I'm excited. I've got the turkey is brining right now, and it's solution of salt and sugar and lemons and all sorts of nonsense. This year I have you both beat. I've started my Thanksgiving dinner already. What are you doing? What was your part?

Okay, to be clear, i'm not doing jack shit okay i had a feeling what i've started doing was eating thanksgiving dinner that's my role in this thing yeah and uh i i don't know i guess i mentioned pecan pie a couple times this year and um i think pecan pies are extra hard to make like compared to a pumpkin pie or something like that. And no. Well, anyway, Jackie tackled it for the first time. And she pulls the pecan pie out of the oven. And I'm like, well, I mean, it's only oven fresh for a short period.

We can't wait till tomorrow and then judge how this pie is. So I had a piece a la mode. And then I had another piece. It's really good. You want to have a had a piece a la mode and then i had another piece it's really good you want to have a piece plain and a la mode get a comparison they were both like like i've never i actually don't know what the inside of a pecan pie is made out of before you say pecans the pecans are on top three kinds of sugar but the stuff on the inside, I'm pretty sure, is just sugar. There's pecans inside. I didn't know that.

She stressed quite a bit about how much to crunch them. I was like, I didn't even know there were pecans inside. She goes, ah. So blend them a lot. Yeah. So that's what she did. I mean, the pecans are just cover for the sugar. It's like, hey, we're making a sugar pie.

Don't just give me sugar, put some fat on that! Was this an unhealthy pie? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, right. Looking down on someone for their Alamode pie Thanksgiving. One thing that it's hard to... The South does cooking well because it's all these indulgent

things. And the background behind it is that it was the poorest South does cooking well because it's all these indulgent like things, you know, it's in the, in the background behind it is that it was in the poorest, um, cheapest, most calorically dense foods that, that people could come up with.

A lot of it's slave food. Um, I, uh, that, you know, the white Southerners and white black people have like the same stuff we like more or less.

And it's often like the cheapest part of the pig, the cheapest part of the cow and with like cooked forever. And then with a bunch of salt and sugar on it and it's delicious. It's the best. It is like fried chicken, fried fish. I'm surprised being a Southerner that you're not all in on like fried catfish. I like it.

Um, there was a, there is a, like in, uh, in Gumlog, Georgia, all in on fried catfish. I like it. There is. In Gumlog, Georgia, there's a fish house that we used to go to all the time. It's really good down there. Some lemon on that whole catfish. Pick the bones out of it. It's just not my favorite.

Some green onions? I'd rather have chicken or beef or something like that. Oh, about turkey. I wanted to say this because inflation's been crazy, right? I expected this holiday to be a little more expensive than others. When I Oh, about turkey, I wanted to say this because inflation's been crazy, right? And I expected this holiday to be a little more expensive than others. When I bought the peanut oil, I think it was probably definitely more expensive. I was like, oh, peanut oil is expensive. And then

I'm sure something else was that I didn't notice. But turkey. How much do you think turkey is per pound, a frozen turkey? Now? Someone on the internet said turkey went from $25 to $ 28 dollars but your vibe is that it's more extreme than that 50 cents a pound it's 50 cents a pound for frozen turkey i almost when i saw that bought a deep freeze and went to public's it was like wait you're telling me 50

cents a pound for this i got a 15 pound turkey and it was seven dollars and 20 something cents that's the cheapest meat I would have seen in years. I have two. Chicken's not that cheap at the store. I got it on a sale. I mean, I even took the sticker and put it on a magnet on my fridge. Mostly because I got to re-remember what the thing

weighs over and over for the recipe. Yeah, $7 a turkey for big ass frozen turkeys. It seems like I should buy 30, right? Like what the fuck? Why am I not living on turkey for the rest of the year? It must be a loss leader

where you're shopping. I don't know. I got it delivered. She just, when I saw that they were that price order too, like I said, so I'll have another one. Slush Puppy just wrote me. I want to give everybody an update.

He's not coming. He has no power and the power pole nearby fell down. That's what it says. Power pole fell. All right. So he doesn't expect to get power back in time to do this. That's heaps bad news.

Yes. So we'll do another time. It's all right. But anyway, that's why he didn't make it. In honor of him, I'm going to spend the rest of the episode talking like this. Don't feel obligated to do that. No, I made a decision. I'm a man spend the rest of the episode talking like this. Don't feel obligated to do that. No, I made a decision. I'm a man of my word.

So Jackie and I scheduled our next vacation. Where are you going? We're going to the mountains of North Carolina, and we're going to go motocross riding. She has a little 125cc dirt bike, and I have mine, 300. And we went out and bought her motocross boots yesterday at the store they're pretty dope they're like black with pink highlights and uh she tried them on today we were riding around the yard going through the the brush and and she had such a good

time she's still in a high like like i don't know 12 hours later she's still excited about our ride together today throughout the yard bouncing around that's awesome and uh yeah so the thing is so we picked out where we were gonna go and then we went to the airbnb and then i went dirt biking last weekend so i did it with like i don't think i ever looked at it through jackie's eyes before i'm like all right all right let's scope this place out i know know there's like main trails and they're rated. Dude, even the easy trails are tough, like three foot rock drop offs and stuff like that. I'm like, what is she going to do? The plan is for her to stop before any obstacles she really doesn't like and hand her bike to me and we'll see how it goes. Oh, that seems like it could be a long day.

She's a 50 year old woman learning to ride a motorcycle in the dirt. We'll see how it goes. Ooh. That seems like it could be a long day. She's a 50-year-old woman learning to ride a motorcycle in the dirt. We'll see how this... Man, this is a great idea. Have a big glass of milk before you guys head out there. That's a good thing. We'll see how this... Poor thing's got to try and keep up with me. He can't get her into a safer hobby or something.

Right? Like kite surfing but um uh yeah so we're pretty psyched about that it's gonna be a week or two coming up nice so all right well that should be interesting i've i wish you the best of luck eventually one of these trips will happen where no one gets hurt the last one though the last one though i got we came back tatted but there were no real injuries oh yeah what are you going to get for your second tattoo because you know they always say people get addicted to it and then they start just loading up like sailor jerry yeah i'm back in the same

mind space i was before i got the first one like every idea seems not good enough or not original enough or something like that they often what happens is once they break the seal they stop making the tattoo so heck and meaningful and like you know whatever but uh i don't know i just keep getting stuck like i don't like this idea i don't think i like this idea four years from now if you could find something that visually encompassed the sort of like earth uh sea and uh sky hobbies that you have sort of like mastered in your life or taken on at the very least that would be really cool like it like if like a surfboard all right so i'm gonna get off to a bad start with this description but imagine a swastika okay all right stop right there i love it

and like and like each of the little uh little things that stick out of the swastika like one of them is like a swimmer's doing a breaststroke with that like arm going out and like the other one is like the date that you'll be going to prison now and but no if you could do that something that we could do a peace sign you know to do the sort of air land and sea and you have a peace sign but i want to see like a motorcycle a paramotor and like a swimmer like somehow like all encompassing that's another thing like imagine a circle and they each occupy a third with the peace sign dividing them yeah maybe it's a dumb idea perhaps perhaps all right all

right i'll find a very user swastika i'm not sure about the peace sign though you're not the most zen guy you do uh you are you get it you know you're passionate passionate you've got gusto. Finesse. So that's coming up. I also am trying to, I'm sort of figuring out my next big adventure ride. I'm trying to do something in the winter and it appears that I don't have any friends who want to go with me. So I think it'd be nice if it was in America,

the idea of doing Mexico or, or something like that, just on a solo ride in the desert with like no support like no one knows where i am or what i'm supposed to be doing like that might be outside my risk profile so i think i'm gonna go to southern california and ride through the desert perfect that's what i was gonna say yeah um i was gonna say that at that part of forest gump where he's in the really long Route 66 road. Sure. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe a different bike for something like that. If I'm imagining a fun ride, it would be like do some sort of triangle where you go out, like do that crazy long road, but then maybe cross some desert at some point, like skipping back across. I'm sure there's somewhere you could do it out there. But yeah, that'd be a different scenery. Yeah, that's kind of what I have in mind. I bought a heated grip, so I'm trying to's somewhere you could do it out there. But yeah, that'd be a different scenery. Yeah, that's kind of what I have in mind. I bought a heated grip, so I'm trying to buy a heated seat because it might be chilly for parts of this.

And I don't know. Just get a little sunshine in the winter. You should add in non-outdoor activities to your biking trips. Like, oh, I'm going to go from here to here. And then the 76ers are playing whoever in salt lake city i'm gonna go there and do that and then from there i'll go you know what i mean like adding more kind of variety to it could be fine but then i guess you'd have to like drive through like real roads and that's not the fun part take a motorcycle to some place with a really low ping

and play call of duty. Yeah. Just go, just take your motorcycle to the closest Airbnb and get high. It's literally in Raleigh. I can't let Jackie find out. I'm going to go get to go to a trap house and get loaded. What's a trap house. It's where people do drugs. Oh yeah. Well, that's any house. It's where, it's's where people do drugs oh yeah well that's any house it's where it's

where cool people do drugs people who can't be bothered with jobs or taxes like that's my house you live in a pretty cool house fucked up in your i'm excited for weed to like be for real deal legal here i think it's like february that it starts and kicks off. Like, like I didn't really care at first. Cause like all this other like legal stuff does the same thing, but it's like,

I'm excited just to like buy regular flour, like grind it up and just smoke out of a bong again. Like that, all the, the vapes, the, the tinctures, the edibles,

like the dabs, all that stuff's fine but like my preferred delivery method has always just been plain old flour and a bong and like a water bong yeah like a water bong just like a nice comfortable like smoke out of that and it's i'm excited to go back what's comfortable what why do you like a water bong how does it well it's it's more comfortable to smoke it than like a dry pipe because it's going through the water so like you know a little more humidity so it's i guess it's easier to cleans and cools yeah it cleans it and it cools the smoke down and then like also like

even in college like when like that was the first time i tried dabs and like i had friends who got super into dabs and i never did i always just like stuck with flour and I would go over to their place and take one hit from their dab rig and be on the moon for five hours. And like they would come over to my place and most a lot of them would be like, yeah, I'm not even going to smoke your stuff because my tolerance is too high. Like they couldn't even get high on like my regular weed. Yeah, I was like, why the hell are you guys doing this to yourselves? Like this, this still fucks you up like just just do this one and then like every once in a while the dab but everyone's different i guess but yeah a bong that's the way to fucking do it what about a vape that's cool and clean yeah yeah vapes are nice they're clean but like something about like

the actual just smoking the flower i really really, really like that. I do, too. I do, too. I always liked a little pipe just when I was playing games. I always had that little glass or quartz pipe sitting there, and I would just fucking clean that thing and leave filling it. That's it. Three fucking bowls for this one. So I always liked that, but i always had a waterbong too

um that was one of my charges i don't know i think they fined me for that maybe the paraphernalia charge that was not a big deal in the scheme of things i think it was a 50 fine or something like that motherfucker cost so much more than that it was a nice one it was a big heavy thing i bought on our uh colorado trip was it we were in a legal state and it was the one I brought for the party, the football party. That's what it was. Remember, we were thinking about all pooling our money, right, to have something to smoke out of because it's frustrating to smoke out of a piece of plastic shit. And then I was like, you know what, guys?

I'll just buy the whole thing because I want this good one. You guys shouldn't have to pull your money on this. We were done with a week of smoking out of this expensive bong and I just mailed it back home. It was a really nice bong. It was okay, but they took it.

It stinks. I hope your guys' states jump on the cool wagon like Missouri. Now we're hanging out with Colorado in the cool section of the cafeteria, and you guys are in the lame section. We're at the cool section, but we have guns. We have more guns than that.

Let me just say this. If Colorado was in a section, it wouldn't have very many black people in it. If you were in a section, it would have very many black people in it if you were in a section it would well that's fine missouri diversity is our strength right yeah yeah missouri's pretty it might be your weakness jesus it's tough over there man i don't know y'all burning down season i will not have any ripping of missouri now that we're a cool state. No more. Maybe this will cool you guys down a little now that you've got some weed. You can calm down, stop hammering people to death,

stop burning cities down. Wasn't Ferguson about weed? Am I mixing up my... A little bit, right? That was Freddie Gray, right? He strong-armed robbery a Quickie Mart to make blunts or something?

Am I wrong on this? Ferguson was Michael Brown, and it was like a convenience store robbery. He was stealing cigars so that he could smoke pot out of them. Or smoke them.

You did both. I'm telling you, it's the devil's lettuce i don't think blaming weed is salient though really the problem is he didn't smoke it earlier he'd have chilled out but yeah most of that area i don't think they're east st louis the the drug of choice the problem is not weed what do you think it is? Crack, meth. The drugs that get you amped up. Yeah, opiates.

Yeah. There's tons of people who make their mortgage and go to work, but they're abusing opiates every day, right? They're just looked upon a little more kindly than the guy I noticed behind the gas station on my way here. He was bent down, doing something. I'm like, oh station on my way here. He was like bent down, like doing something. I'm like, oh, not my scene, not my problem.

Heading on home with my Dr. Pepper. We're going to have a good holiday. Just call me Kyle, minding my business. I was just heading my way home. Yeah, I bet I can imagine someone, you learned that in prison? No, that's just common fucking sense. You see a guy with his head down in a pipe behind a gas station you leave him alone he's not having a good night like have you seen those videos on social media of like some it'll be like a train

or subway in a in a city and there's some dude like losing his mind like yelling at apparitions like randomly like jerking his body in like a methed out way and like he'll like bully a woman or something and all the comments will be like shame on men for not standing up in this circumstance and it's like and it's like fuck you like there is no way i'd step up to anyone who's like on meth on public transit like i don't care if he's like bullying a child like fuck you you pokemon lineup sucks let me see ah you're vulnerable to grass types how are you gonna win like i don't care i'm getting off at the next stop i'm leaving that's not my problem there's no way i can fix that there's no way me going over there solves it he's gonna turn around

stab me in the neck and then go back to insulting her. Take a meth head? No! They're unpredictable, and they bite. They bite. I don't see anything wrong with your teeth. They can't hang with you in the biting department, Taylor. Yeah, but you don't bite. Oh, it's a biting bite you want, eh? They can open Pandora's box when they

challenge Taylor to a biting fight. Or we just do that thing where, like, giraffes, we like rear back with our mouth open and like pose and then we teeth to teeth clacking. No, there's, I see those videos and I see these like, you know,

internet heroes. Oh, I would have put a stop to this. And it's like, no, you would have made a mess. Like you would have got blood on people's shoes like your blood try your best don't do that method so difficult to fight it may help educate me they're they're they are unpredictable they are on a powerful amphetamine that gives them like strength and energy and they're they're they're fried they're they're they're not like equating things logically

they're aggressive like have you seen like the the breaking bad scene was a good one where jesse goes in and uh he's he's in that that drug house and he's trying to calm down that guy with the shotgun who's going talker talker talker like yelling and jesse's like i don't want any everything's okay every trying to calm down he's like i don't want any trouble and the guy's like, I don't want any. Everything's OK. Every trying to calm down. He's like, I don't want any trouble. And the guy's like, trouble? What about trouble? What are you talking about? You bring your trouble?

Where's trouble? And it's like, out there, man. Go get him. Out there. Go get him. There's no trouble in here. But like, they will latch on to things. Meth is a scary drug.

Like, it makes people scary. And you don't want to mess with an unpredictable you know gacked out person like that i mean look like acid can send you in a place where you're a weird person to interact with and but but lots of things can but meth and like those drugs that seemingly will mix with someone's mental ill or illness or maybe another drug and send them into like rager mode like berserker mode that's so scary and i agree with you 100 taylor if i i there's no way if i'm on like a if i'm on a bus kill me now but if i'm on a bus all right hopefully we're heading to the euthanasia clinic and some dude's getting rowdy and up in some girl's face my first thought

is i bet before i got on this bus she was talking some shit or something like like she probably like like like what is she gonna do if uh if i help nothing like like she's not gonna appreciate it she doesn't need my help she'll be fine and i there's no way i'm helping there's no fucking way what am i hero when i get the key to the city after this one more likely i end up with either hepatitis c or a fucking back injury or something, right? Like me and this guy are going to roll down the steps of this bus and I'm going to blow a disc in my back or something. Like, no, we're not

fighting. Or he stabs me to death. Like, let's not pretend like I'm just going to beat like my option is beat somebody up or walk away. The option is like risk your life over a random fucking stranger and some shit you don't know nothing about. Oh, yeah. The move is look away. And like,

if some like pretend to be deaf, like pretend to be deaf. Do some sign language. Next stop. Which tweet? No, deaf, not retarded.

I do both. I do both. I'm retardedly deaf. It's not that big. You guys are big, strong dudes. I don retardedly deaf. What if the meth addict's not that big? You guys are big, strong dudes. I don't know how to fight. What if he has a keychain? That's all it takes to hurt me so much.

I have a knife. Do you? I always have a knife. Well, that's crime. No, it's not. It is for me! I need to bring Woody with me to to the bus incident and then we'll have no problem at all he's got a knife and a gun in the other little concern yeah if you're armed

sure like get in there and mix it up but yeah oh you're gonna screw him down tight then that's the plan maybe the whole reason he's upset is he needed a fucking corkscrew for that bottle. I'm gonna file those fingernails. He was about to bash the woman with that bottle of wine, but you come over. Now he's happy. Yeah, you're still teasing me with the pliers, you dick. I don't know about all that one. Yeah, I'm glad you agree. You wouldn't get involved.

It's just the drugged up crazies on public transportation. Don't... No, I've seen so many videos. I saw a person get... It was actually a trans person who kept messing with this guy who didn't want to be messed with. And then the guy finally just beat, I'll say, her. Maybe to death.

It was like a huge overreaction, but they kept warning her, leave him alone! With a weapon? No, no. She was just like in his face, fucking with him, and he stood up on the bus

and he kicked her face in, like went just off on her, beat down. She'd been unconscious since the first hit. Jesus Christ. Yeah, don't start shit on public transit. Doesn't seem like anybody wins. And nobody was helping her

while he stomped her face in. No, I'd be scared of the guy doing the stomping. I see that situation, and I am under no illusions that I'm the stomper. I'm the stompee. I don't want to be the stompee. Yeah. That'd be horrible, having your head caved in on a bus. I don't understand why you make yourself so like, not make yourself,

but like you put yourself with i'm feeble i could never stand up because it's about there was a crackhead on the bus i know damn well he's gonna stomp my shit in no no it's not that it's about the odds right like let's say that i go over there and i do beat his ass but he scratches me a little and now it gets infected i gotta go to the hospital or he bites me and now I literally have fucking hepatitis C and I need a liver transplant in a few years or drugs to prevent that. Somebody will say, oh, you're right. It's not so bad after all, is it?

Just preventative hep C drugs for the rest of my life. Like there's a lot of bad things that could happen. Plus, like what if you kill this fragile motherfucker who was all drugged up? You're going to jail. Yeah, right. Like what if you cripple him and he got in his dad, even though he's a crackhead, has a lawyer. Now you're paying god knows what oh my poor son was on a he was actually reacting poorly to some drugs prescribed by his doctor so forget all of his crimes let's talk about mr

myers the felon who beat him senseless where's that woman he was defending oh she disappeared into the mist what woman yeah what woman there's no one on camera yeah get the fuck out of here i don't think chance is defending you i think the crackheads the meth heads like they're scary not like because they're not going to square up to you in a fight and like you know engage in fisticuffs like they're scary because they're unpredictable and you take your eyes off them they might stab you motive what if he thinks you looked at them the wrong way and you don't realize that you gave him a look that he perceived as aggressive and it makes him mad and he comes over and like stabs you with a box cutter or something it's the unpredictability that makes it scary there was this who's um joe rogan has a friend he's a comedian he's a white guy. Brian Callan. Callan. Thank you.

So Brian Callan is talking. And I think he's like, if that guy bullies me, you can't bully me. I would kick his ass. I'm unstoppable. I will come back again and again and again. Can't be bullied. And Joe Rogan is like, you are full of shit. And you have a bigger problem than that. You don't have enough people in your friend group to call you out when you're full of shit and you have a bigger problem than that you don't have enough people in your friend group to call you out when you're full of shit people are letting you get away with spewing

this bullshit it's possible to bully you and by the way jerry wogan and um brandon trump thank you are both on the mic and both of them are like i could bully the fuck out of you and yeah nothing you could do about it you're lucky we're not gay. But not according to Brian Callen. He's like, I'm impossible to bully. I will come back. You can't do this. I'm trying not to be that guy. If I was there, I would be the defender of all the innocents on this bus

from this meth head. I get what you're saying. I hope that's who I am. A majority of the time, if you step over there, he'll be scared, and he'll stop. A majority of the time, if step over there he'll be scared and he'll stop a majority of the time if he does step up i'll beat the shit out of him yeah you would but i don't care because there's a 10 of the time where i die and there's a 20 of the time where i get hurt in a way i don't like and there's a 30 of it you know what i mean like yeah yeah i'm not it's the

same reason that like when you ride your motorcycle you're like, maybe I don't hit that ramp. Or maybe I hit it at 50 instead of 60, right? It's just like I'm not looking to become a hero on the streets. The best case scenario are you escape with minor injuries. The best thing. You're not going to make money. You're not going to be a hero. Well, that's not the best.

No, I'm going to be a hero because I'm going to retell it right here Taylor weekly that's the thing is we can just lie I was on the bus today I was keeping to myself I ride public transportation a lot I'm looking out for the environment I want to leave a better world to my

children my son who I'm having soon with my wife that i now have and um and man there was just this character he was a white guy of course and he was just getting up to no good over there he was he was being real rambunctious playing this loud music he had one of those boom boxes from the early 90s that are oversized and take 16d batteries playing toby keith really loud so fucking loud and i am a big toby keith fan let's all pray for him he has cancer right now but but it wasn't the right time you know and and uh and i just stepped up to him i said sir you have to turn that toby keith music down um i love that song and i'll sing it word for word with you after we get off the bus, but that's enough. And he said, not today, Jimmy. And he slapped the woman next to him. And I was like, why would you slap?

See, we're not doing this. We're not, we're not, we're not doing this. You're going down. And I just beat him senseless right there in front of everyone. And they all stood up and murdered him. I murdered him right there. So I pulled his pants right down and issued a corrective. You know how in hockey you pull the jersey over and it kind of handcuffs their arms? Yeah. Why does that never happen in street fights?

I don't know. Because we're not wearing hockey jerseys. Maybe it's harder to pull it past your armpits. And I think you're grabbing the jersey because you're trying to fuck with their balance a bit on the ice. On shoes, people are so comfortable on their feet. Every day they're on their feet. All the time. Well, not every day.

Not every day. I mean, look, I don't work every day. Some days it's, oh, this isn't a walking day. Not every day. I mean, look, I don't work every day. Some days, it's, oh, this isn't a walking day. No, I wonder, and here's the other thing that never happens to these good vigilantes, I'll call them, the guys who actually step up and save lives. They never get to go on the Today Show anymore. They don't do that anymore. They never give those guys the media tour.

Like, this is Brendan Michaels. He fucking pulled out his 9mm and saved 30 people. No, they don't do that at all. You never hear about the hero who saved the people on the bus and get his story anymore. We're hearing about the Colorado hero. Show us his... Oh, I didn't mean the hero.

I was going to... Can we show the picture of the suspect real quick, Zach? Yeah, sure. That link earlier? Because he is the ugliest motherfucker I've ever seen. He is a terrible looking man. Did they do this to him, or is this what he looks like? And that's not a joke.

He must be beaten up. Is that not a birthmark or something? It looks like he fell while going fast downhill on a skull shaped that way he has the big the whole back of his head is the crown of his head that is a weird skull shape someone posted that's all right you found my all chronological analysis all right my theory is his mom's got a tight pussy. When he passed through, she just squeezed that skull into a new one. I mean, there's... He definitely...

Like, look, he has a black eye. He definitely got, like, hit or fell or something, right? How do you get a bruise there on your ear and not have your ear all cut up? I don't understand this. He... It looks like he's... Look at that one with the angry bird that's that's that's the best one welcome to fuck around

yeah i guess they're pointing out this man was beaten severely um after they was he beaten by the gays because that's so much funnier he was stopped by you... I don't know what the guy's situation was. Was he trans or cross-dresser or gay? I'm actually not sure. This guy? No, no. The patron that stopped him from murdering more people. There's somebody at the club.

And I guess they're saying this. I think they called him a drag queen. But he's not. And I actually don't know the difference between drag and cross dresser and i guess i do know the difference trans but but you can't tell this by looking at someone you have to ask anyway this person who was at a gay club just stands head and shoulders better than a uvalde policeman is like the comparison i keep seeing well it's not like they were outside and they ran in.

He could have ran away. He ran towards the gunshots. Not in those heels. Eh, true, true, true. It was fight or die every step of the way. Yeah. He was a two-year U.S. Army veteran who was attending a performance

at the club with his wife and daughter. Okay, that's different than I'd heard before. I had heard that he was involved in the lifestyle. And this makes it sound like he's a cis dude. I don't know. But. Do you need your thumb? I'm going to make up a salute.

For that guy. Yeah. That Army vet who wasn't gay, who who stormed in and and saved the day is that what happened i don't think they said zack says but i that's some right-wing propaganda those those those uh those ladies are in there they they fuck them up so there were two people a dad and a show performer so the show performer implies drag i think i'm shit i feel like i'm offending someone i'm not trying to you're just reading the story trying to figure it out you're not offending anyone yeah um so this richard fiaro his combat training kicked in and he pounced on the gunman

that's that's combat training i doubt that kicked in at all the fuck is combat what we're yeah what part of his combat training kicked in? What nonsense from that writer? Like he's a dog and he went and retrieved a bird. So like, I don't know. He took the attacker's pistol and used it to beat him with it.

He says, I just kept wailing on him. I'm a big dude, but this guy was bigger. Did the attacker get like, did attacker kill people before he was stopped? Yeah, he got five kills, but he got a lot of hit markers. And he's dead

now? No, the attacker, you just saw him on Twitter. The police didn't hurt him. Oh. He's alive in that picture. He's alive in that picture. Maybe hard to tell. I mean, he looked rotten. This is the guy who threw the ass whooping?

Or is this just a random man from the crowd? My article said that two guys did the ass whooping. A show performer and an army vet. I think he's the tough guy number two, then. I'm going to say it. number two, then. Could be. I'm going to say it. Those men are heroes. Saved lives.

What I wanted to talk about, though, heroics aside, gay people standing up when cowardly cops in Texas want us aside. This is the ugliest piece of shit I've seen in a long time. That is a ugly, ugly man. There is nothing attractive or redeeming about him.

Like, good fucking God. Why didn't this tadpole kill himself? You know, Kyle, at first I'm like, why are we focusing on this? But I'm like, wait a minute. I bet if he was a handsome man, he would have never done this. He'd have lived a whole better alternative life. If you put that fucking jackass in a handsome person's body he lives a whole different life all he needed to do was cut carbs he might have

been good looking enough to survive in our ugly is being ugly the worst minority to be a part of a hundred percent well dwarves like truly ugly like this guy no no not dwarves they have a like like an easy door into the entertainment industry, right? Almost as good as... And other dwarves. Oh, but they prefer little people. You've got me going now. No, but I prefer dwarves. Wait, dwarves? Midget is

what they don't like. Oh, I think you're right. Dwarf is a correct thing. But dwarf is a different kind. Being picked up. Being picked up and shaken. they really hate it when you and your friend try to guess how much they weigh for money and they're not a willing participant

the government will never tell you this but all those midgets you see outside they're free I found that what little people really really hate is when i assume they're six years old regardless of their real age i get a little stuff to animals and everything totally unappreciated i would love to have a midget friend do you think it would if you had like a midget friend

i think that's a cool friend to have because he could help you out with a lot of stuff it'd be fun to try to get him laid for one thing it'd be like you know i i feel like that's a cool friend to have because he could help you out with a lot of stuff. It'd be fun to try to get him laid for one thing. It'd be like, you know, I feel like that's easier to get done than an ugly person as well. That's another reason why I'm saying easier to be a little person. It's a bucket list item. Yeah, like the gentleman who played Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones, whose name I'm spacing on right now, Dinklage. Dinklage?

I used to change that name, man. Dinklage? Like, come on, you're already... Am I right that it's Dinklage yeah i mean he's a he's a handsome ish fellow like like like uh and the little uh person from seinfeld even the guy with the beard um who was heightening to like keep up with the kid that he like body doubled for um handsome fella but then there's like like verne troyer mini me which is you know He had a sad life. I knew his management really well.

His owner? No, his management really well. It was also Dan Bilzerian's management. We sort of rubbed elbows a little bit. I was going to do a thing with Verne Troyer on my channel, but we couldn't find anything that

this little i was like yeah let's get him a little gun and they were like you don't understand he's handicapped and he's and he's addicted to alcohol and he's he's he's rarely like um with it enough to have a conversation and it's like oh okay well we can't find him just a little gun that's not the that's not the problem then because it's like i thought his little hands were the problem but the problem was like he was a tremendous alcoholic. It doesn't take a lot of vodka to get you fucked up when you're that little, right?

I wouldn't imagine so. Also, he had a lot of health problems. He died not too long after that. Poor little guy. I was such a big fan when I was in middle school. We were all doing that accent. Actually, that movie hadn't come out yet. I guess was like early high school like like the austin powers 2 but you have much rather be a little person than someone who's on the extreme level of ugly like

that guy have we have we shown his picture yeah we did because we saw yeah yeah yeah yeah being ugly i think you're right i think the worst group to be in is ugly. However, I think it's an almost by choice group. I keep saying the cure all to this shit, chicken and broccoli, right? If you give these guys some chicken, rice, and broccoli, they will get way better looking than they currently are. That guy is wildly obese. The bottom half of his face is just visceral fat wrapped around more fat. But thin him out, and he's reasonable i i i bet i disagree yeah i think that he's really he's a really ugly person his skull is shaped funny and and look i i don't know what it is but there's something about when

someone is like so far like shifted down the genetic rabbit hole that like you see multiple things are like holding him back here right because it's not just that his head is shaped weird it's that it's that he has he's losing his hair at a very young age out of nowhere and his nose is too small and his mouth is shaped funny and he has a weird mustache yeah and weird facial hair you guarantee that he's dumb he has no chin and he has these weird like weird cheekbones and his head's misshapen and I'm only looking at the top half of this murderer, right? Everything that we can take in about him

is fucked up. So yeah, I bet he'll do well in prison. What a piece of shit. Do we know why he did what he did? I haven't heard anything. I have no idea. No, we just make assumptions based on the fact that it was a gay nightclub.

Yeah, well, I don't know if that's... Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. He probably didn't like gays if he's going shooting up gay nightclubs. That's so weird to me. I never cared, but nowadays, I don't understand why anyone hates gays.

That doesn't make any sense like like i understand like feeling a certain way about like a policy that but but i i don't understand hating people for sucking dick yeah if anything it's more women for us we saw his dad beforehand dad's obviously fucked up and possibly a meth head did you know about his grandfather i don't know anything no but that that guy he was not possibly a meth every watched that guy was on meth like listen i have a thing you don't know his grandfather is a maga conservative july 6th patriot currently serving in the united States House of Representatives for representing California. He is like AOC or Kevin McCarthy. He's in the federal. He got voted out. He only has a few months left. But he's like a full MAGA Trump backing January 6th jackass

patriot type dude. Who's this? His grandfather. The murderer's grandfather is a politician a successful politician currently serving in the federal level yeah the only reason that i find that house of representative it seems hard to believe because his son by what you're telling me is is an adult drug addict who lives in a very low-end apartment complex there i noticed it's common for politicians i'm right though like no i believe you i'm not gonna try to dispute you i was just like okay so the the successful politician at a federal level his his son is and grandson like and the

grandson is a murderer huh that's odd yeah i'm not a very successful family after the i just wouldn't you know you wouldn't think i don't know that that man i saw it doesn't look like he swims in high-end political circles no it doesn't look like he has access to any political circles or any water really that you could swim in safely or toothpaste deodorant soap need some moisturizer yeah that's a very good point about the ugly thing because people who are sincerely ugly like when you're so ugly that not being fat anymore doesn't fix it that's like that's the group i think we're talking about is like the the tragically ugly here's a picture of a guy. Now he happens to be holding money, but Zach, can you show him? If you make this guy

200 pounds overweight, he's super ugly. But in this picture, I mean, look, he's not gifted with good looks, but he is fine. Purely because he's got his body fat in it. Where the hell did you get this photo?

Google what you tell me what you searched. Purely because he's got his body fat in it. Where the hell did you get this photo? Google image search. Tell me what you searched. What did you search? Tell me what you searched. Thin ugly dude. Thin ugly dude is what I searched for. We are so sorry that when you search thin ugly dude, your picture comes up. Because you're not an ugly man.

You're thin. You're well-dressed. You at one point at least had $6. You're well-dressed. You at one point at least had $6. And while your choice in frames is suspect, you're not an ugly man. Yeah, the dollar frames are a little much.

He is ugly. He's just thin, so he's got it together. And he has $6. I think he's an above-average looking man. Really? If we're using the definition of average correctly right like yeah i think this you take 10 men off the street he's number five so here's here's where the the lens i'm trying to view it through like the different versions of him at different body

fat levels this is p kim right he has achieved the best version of him i'm not gonna judge other versions of him in the multiverse this man right here he's a six out of ten i'd say i i think he yeah is a fine looking dude finally what's in his hand i can't tell if there's more it's six dollars and like some parking validation or something i don't know what that other thing is like yeah i mean i don't like that's his receipt from the six dollar withdrawal it's six dollars and and like a Canadian buck or something. I'm not sure. It's not currency in the bag. It's a bit of a receipt.

It's it's folded back. I imagine. Imagine. I don't care. Like eighty five dollars for a stock photo of you just to be the result for ugly man. Like an ugly dude. And then a bunch of retards online making fun. Yeah. Yeah. So that guy has managed to

be above average i think purely because he's got his body fat under check he doesn't have his muscles dialed in he doesn't he's just not fat and that alone put him above average i don't think he's like structurally genetically like he's he can do a lot better than where he is, but he's doing fine only because he's eating right. But he does eat right. Yeah. There are a lot of skinny, ugly men in here when you Google it. You picked a good looking guy. I tried to.

Some of them were like irredeemable. Good gosh. Yeah. Mass shooters almost always very ugly people inside and out as it as it turns out um aren't mass shooters i can't name many like every time they put the photo of like some school shooter up it's always some like ugly loser or maybe that's the perception I see when I see him. I'm pretty sure everybody sees that. I think you're weighing personality into your evaluation.

You're not seeing some Chad, some football quarterback. You're seeing some usually a squirrely, anti-social person who has a lot of resentment and hatred. I want to see a reality show with 10 of these mass shooters that we've imprisoned and they're competing for their freedom right it's called shoot your shot and it's got who's the host and um um disease i'm sorry it's john walsh is john walsh still alive the The guy from, you know, his son went missing. Adam Walsh went missing in the early 90s. He had the TV show, America's Most Wanted.

Because the surprise is going to be a twist at the end of the show. John Benet Ramsey's parents. Oh, them. Good people. So at the end, no, at the end when we like, the guy wins and they're like, oh, you ready for your freedom? Yeah, I can't wait. Well, fuck you. We you we lied and we kill him that's the whole show and we do

that every year and they don't know it any different because they're prisoners they don't they don't get the show it's it's on hbo the elimination round is there on the other side of the equation and someone comes in with a gun and oh sorry you were eliminated by the oh you hit the mass shooting box now dave's gonna come in and mass shoot you uh-oh the sandy hook kid didn't finish his bowl of roaches so we're gonna execute it all right that's a good show idea we should make alex jones be the host and not pay him a dime that's his punishment that's his punishment is he has to like bob barker it up with these horrid people then we'll be square all the footage of him yeah speaking of crazy people

did you hear kanye's running for president and milo Yiannopoulos is his campaign manager? Man, that's... I don't think this is going to go anywhere. That's upsetting, if any of that's true. I think, didn't Kanye say he was running for president before the last one? He did run for president, right? Didn't he take some votes away that people were concerned about? I have no idea.

I thought he did. Maybe I'm misremembering. I thought he ran for some political office and people were concerned about? I have no idea. I thought he did. Maybe I'm misremembering. I thought he ran for some political office and people were writing in Kanye and they were worried it was going to mess up the voter or whatever. Maybe you're right. He's not actually going to run for president. Why not?

I mean, he says he is. I mean, that could be fun. See what happens. I don't know what it takes to run for president. How do you get on a ballot? Do you need that many signatures? Do you pay someone? I bet you can get the first parts of it with just enough cash.

Right. And some, and like a license. Kanye asked Trump to be his running mate. I hope Trump's VP. That would be so fucking funny. Trump joins the Kanye ticket as VP. Yeah, right.

Or it's like we're doing something new. We're doing co-presidents. They both wear red Yeezys at every event. What would happen if Donald Trump and Kanye West ran for president? And they announce now. I mean, what do you think would happen? I mean, the Republicans would probably try and put

all their focus behind DeSantis and be like, no Trump, no Kanye. And then if Trump was so popular that he forced the Republicans and the Fox people to do what they did in 16, then they would reluctantly get back on board. But maybe not.

Please, God. If you're there the only thing i want this year is for kanye west and donald trump to become president of the united states together yeah please let your co-president i want that we're getting rid of debates we're doing rants and so we just that's a way better thing to do is like get rid of even the premise masters in the rant moderator because like the debates aren't really debates anyway like it's like they're not really talking to each other so just get rid of the premise of debate and have it just it's like mr president trump you have three minutes to rant you're like biden you have three minutes no fact checks

here's the problem with debates as i see them okay they're not held like every other debate that's held we don't have judges and points here we have moderators and like talking points what i want is they put them in a booth and when their time's up their mic goes off there's no like yelling if it gets turned off you're in a soundproof fucking booth trump we muted you like it's pardon the interruption like the espn show you may have seen right where you just fucking mute them and it's like oh you had your time and he won all three of you lost he gets to talk shit with a mic y'all are all muted listen up like that's how these should go and and every time

there's a round first of all we're not for time. The fact that we get rushed for time is absurd. The advertisers are paying. Make the program another fucking hour long. What do you mean we're rushed for time? Bump the reruns. What are you talking about we're rushed for time? We have five hours tonight to do this, and we're keeping score after

every question, just like every other game that's played. Alright, well, Donald Trump has won that one. Bing! Point to Trump. Next question. And they can yell all they want. We'll wait for their mouths to stop moving. Then we'll turn them on.

Okay. How this works. This is good. Let me just expand upon this idea. First of all, it happens on Painkiller already. Zach mutes them when they talk too long. And the three of us decide who's winning

I would like that a lot I would like to see Trump be like that's a great question about immigration I appreciate it I'm gonna phone a friend that's allowed Kanye I just wanted to tell you I'm gonna win the million dollars

can i just say that as long if if you did if you did that that would be fine by me and here's why the president is not gonna doesn't make his decisions on on an asteroid alone in space somewhere he's in a room full of advisors he picks he phones many friends he phones every friend he can think of before he makes a big decision so it matters to me who donald trump would call on a bench yeah that for a for a hey actually actually i know an expert on this in this field you know and he's like i was like dave make some shit up about uh about the fucking economy i don't know what they asked something i'd like him to call each other like like you know you didn't build the wall last time how are you gonna do better i want to phone a friend and fucking ronda sanders

hello hey uh you're really pushing me on this wall thing could you turn it down a little i'll make you my vp if you stop asking this question all right deal look at that that's politics that's now you're making deals that's how it should be i i just like the debates otherwise um except when trump sent him because he's mean and nasty and he says things that he's not supposed to and we hadn't seen that before so that's fun yeah i'm gonna try to go to a trump event if i can um like if there's one within say an hour and a half i'm definitely gonna go i just want to see the show um it's a show for anybody who's never been to one stop thinking of it like politics and like oh if i get a donald trump's fucking show

then then then the penguins are gonna die and in 30 years like that's no you're gonna get entertained the same way think of it like a movie or a festival or anything else. When I go to the Renaissance Festival, I'm not supporting time travel or feudalism. I'm going to see some weird shit. Of course. Same thing. And don't be like, oh, you're supporting it. It's free.

Didn't you know? You're taking up the seat of someone who was actually going to get indoctrinated with your normal mind. Yeah, you just walk up. Yeah, it's free. Show up. Yeah. I mean, you got to get inctrinated with your normal mind yeah you just woke up yeah it's free show up yeah i mean you got to get in line if you want the good seats that's why you got to get up the crack of dawn like i did get in there i thought i was going to be in the front row and we're five rows back and i got there so early like 4 a.m 5 a.m or something but it's like a

festival right they probably have food trucks there's concessions there's there's lots of like um memorabilia and merchandise and like everyone there is smiling and happy and and like glad to be there that was my experience there was no like cursing there was no yelling the closest thing to hatred that i saw was a black pastor got on stage and said that they were going to overthrow roe versus wade and a uh one guy in the front row was wearing a big sombrero that was multicolored. And I think he might have been appropriating a culture in that because he looked very pale. Wearing a sombrero? Pale people should have more access to sombrero.

Well, we were also indoors in Hickory, North Carolina. I think it was a joke sombrero because of building the wall and such. Oh, okay. Either way, fine with it. I'm still good with Taylor's idea, though. line i think it was a joke sombrero because of building the wall and such oh okay either way fine with it i'm still good with taylor's idea though like i i need access to sombreros way more than mexican people do people the palest among us need the largest hats who said that aristotle like people in finland should be wearing giant hats probably i just picked them as like what i imagined the palest people in the world that's probably right gotta be the irish right yeah

really any you probably can't miss all of northern europe's probably about the same whiteness all those poor gingers in ireland where there's like it's it's all overcast and gray their entire lives they get no sun I saw some map that was like average amount of sunshine hours like in the U.S. and versus Europe like I didn't know it was such a chasm of difference like I like Missouri very average like I guess we're sunnier than average but like there's nowhere in all of Europe that's as sunny on average as Missouri, much less California, Florida, the South. No wonder people get depressed living in the UK in some areas. It's just raining all the time. It's overcast for most of the year.

You know that sad gray sky you get sometimes that kind of puts you in a funk? Imagine that for months that would suck and now they don't even like own the rest of the world anymore with their ships so they can't go to sunny places it's sad probably still go yeah that's something you notice throughout history is that the people that do the most conquering come from very sunless places i've often thought that maybe there's something to it being hard to survive in an area that helps them technologically advance. You know,

like you can't survive a whatever Finland winter unless you've got your heating figured out, your housing figured out. And you're like, you've got to have a bit of a civilization. You need to store food. If you can hang a hammock and fucking coconuts falling next to you all day long then maybe you're not incentivized to advance your society in the same way that's true like it's like about

winter like if you have to plan for winter it'd be like you have to like save up food and resources and stuff so it seems like about winter does that i I don't think that's it, though, because you've got those fucking abos out there who didn't do shit for like 100,000 years and it's harsh as fuck out there. Meanwhile, you've got in South America where it's nice and cool, like temperate climate where you just grab stuff out of the

rainforest and eat it as long as you control the panthers that are trying to eat you, I guess. They're inventing astronomy and calendars and predicting... South America that of course yeah they invented astronomy yeah well they didn't invent this did they invent this how do you know i oh maybe they did they arrived at it on their own you mean like they were not the first people to you know discover like astronomy and all that i feel like the middle east i don't think we know someone in europe navigated by the stars yeah like every every culture used

the stars to navigate i mean like i'm sure they figured it out at different times well i was just talking about like the mayan calendar and how far back that went and and that's okay they're utilizing the stars and the and the and stuff to do that you know and the the sun um at its uh like zenith or whatever on from either side right they built those uh pyramids to to like show things at certain days of the year with the shadows those pyramids are pretty new i i was just watching ed march c90 adventures he rides a tiny motorcycle and he went from like alaska across canada across america then to argentina right can you oh my god yeah right so along the way he visits like this aztec or mayan temple it's like a pyramid and uh then he finds out the thing is like 150 years old and he's british so he's like oh

yeah actually my my bedroom is older than this pyramid all right yeah it's like really because oxford's been a university since the year 900 like he may have have found some pyramid they made for fucking tourists 150 years ago but but those pyramids go back thousands of years like which one not according to a YouTuber I saw. Maybe not the one YouTuber. Colin's doubting my historians. I mean, you watched the Mel Gibson movie. Yeah, Apocalypto. That was a good movie.

Yeah. Oh, I was like, pretty hard. How does this make sense? Mad Max. Mad Max. Mad Max. Max classic film no um the Japanese isn't it like

like Japan's full of mountains and difficult weather and difficult terrain weren't they they've been fucking with China for a very long time always trying to invade China always Chinese invented paper gunpowder, and maybe writing?

They start with sailing, I think. Maybe writing? We probably don't know who invented writing. I feel like all the time you find some older thing. Here's the thing, though. If they invented paper, were they wiping their ass with it? Probably not first. They're probably writing on it.

I think the Chinese did all those things. They did. Our poor, ignorant ancestors were over there being pale and cold very cold that would suck just having months out of the year where it's like there's still nothing to do but now it's cold

I've completely discarded disregarded all your contrary evidence and i'm sticking with my view anyway harsh environments make for advanced civilizations i think that i think that's for hard people um i think that that um what's that whole thing we're like um you know the necessity is the mother of invention i think that if someone i think that if someone has a cold climate that they will come up with a good way to deal with cold climates. I think if someone has a megafauna in their area, like big, giant animals that are hard to deal with,

they'll learn hunting tactics to deal with that. But I don't think it necessarily makes them the best and brightest at all things. I don't think that the people who live in the cold, hard-to-live-in place are going to be the best scientists because it's hard there. I think there's more difficult places to live than just cold places. I think a moderate place where not only are we challenged so we have to get out of our hammocks and stop eating the coconuts, but we can also relax once we figure this shit out a little bit and start calculating and looking at the stars and making lenses. Yeah, you do have to be able to get on

top of it it can't be straight up desert or arctic yeah the mayans that you brought up as your example of an advanced technological civilization didn't they get shot by the spaniards and just beaten small they did get beaten pretty badly smallpox smallpox come on you know what i always i what you know i always go to the smallpox. I think muskets were part of it. Guns and horses were a big part of it. And smallpox. It decimated them. They didn't have vaccines. They didn't.

You know what? Here's what I always wondered, though. So we always talk about how the white people brought the smallpox over to the West and would wipe out these indigenous peoples. Why didn't they have any diseases to like fuck up the white people they probably did i bet like because there's going to be diseases everywhere right like there must have been shit that that like all the europeans started getting if they i guess not as intense maybe it was like a milder shit but like no it would have happened if they did right we would have gotten oh we got the i mean yeah right don't go to mexico montezuma's revenge

we'd go somewhere and they'd be like, oh, yeah, there's yellow fever down there. But it's not like the Brits went back home with yellow fever and wiped out London. Like, I'm just curious why. Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah, no, no clue. Maybe maybe the pathogen died on the boat. Well, Taylor solved it here.

They're very seasick pathogens oh they got no dramamine in that time no I don't care for it I don't want that no I don't know it would be so tight if they found one of those like super

ancient civilizations way older than like Egypt or you know ancient China they don't know how old Egypt is like what is it called you brought it up Gekli Tepe Gobleki Tepe that place in Turkey that site

they discovered that's well over 12,500 years old that's really cool stuff like that is fascinating that has those carvings and those enormous monolithic blocks that would have required not only someone who knew how to make monolithic blocks but you have to keep in mind there has to be a system around the kind of person who is a craftsman and makes blocks like that. Ugglug doesn't go out there, beat something with his club and eat it and then go back to the mine that day. Ugglug is a this. This requires a miner who mines all day as a profession and a craftsman who crafts

all day as a profession and a and like a religious society who's like yes we must have these things to please the gods and little peons who are like certainly do right all those things required a civilization of some like level is required to make those things happen and we don't know anything about those people and Egypt too like like the the word that egyptians use for the pyramid builders is not egyptian they call them by a different name as a different people interesting so they don't know how old some people think that that like pyramid predates the egyptians yeah by many thousands of years and then like the um the uh the sphinx like they don't know how old that stuff is yeah you talked about the sphinx recently which i didn't know the

sphinx was older than some of the pyramids that's nobody knows how old it is if you took someone from one of those ancient civilizations right and granted them immortality right so now this guy is 12 000 years old i wonder what he'd be like right so biologically let's assume he's the same that humans haven't evolved in 12 000 years he's working with basically the same you know wet where that we are cool would he be a genius having learned things for the last 12 000 years would he be a dumbass like me still stuck on some outdated food pyramid that he learned in fourth grade he's still eating his 12 servings of grain a day bread is part of the foundation of this whole fucking thing like like would he be stuck

on these old belief systems would he be a genius like i wonder what this guy would be like if he lived i bet he'd be rich oh yeah please tell me you figured out you can just dollar cost average into the s&P. Anyone. It's easy, easy to get rich. It's hard to get rich while you still have enough life left. But if you're going to live 12,000 years, God, you can spend 100 years getting rich. It's no big deal. He could have been the first guy in the stock market.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like the first. That's like, all right, market's open. We're trying this new thing. And he's the first guy in line. But I imagine someone like that would be unbelievably depressed like you 12 000 years of meeting people and everyone you know dying like that would that'd be horrible yeah is there a person i just wonder that can help you

with that like would the right narcissist just not care about anyone but themselves and have a dandy of a time for 12,000 years? So he's a 12,000 year old psychopath. It's nothing but resentment for the rest of humanity. Just looking forward to the day that we implode. So that movie I just linked is kind of the exact thing you're describing. And these guys are sitting around discussing it. It was some really good actors.

I like all those actors. A man from Earth? Yeah. One of them is claiming to be many thousands of years old, and they're having a discussion about it. Is the whole movie the discussion? I haven't seen it yet. I've only seen that preview.

Then it intrigued me. I added it to a watch list. Can you show it, Zach? Because I think people are going to be curious about what we're talking about but it's from 2007 which i like i'm glad it's not from like 1992 um this looks cool i'm kind of curious i saw i saw a little bit of the dialogue the other day somewhere and it and it uh it was really intriguing well-written stuff because they were talking one of them was like our brains had essentially been the same as they were for over half a million years

and that sort of man he would he would learn as he went he would grow as he went but he would also be damaged would he not and they're like having this this really interesting discussion it's the doctor from Star Trek Enterprise they had him a bunch of shit on his face but he's a good actor oh this is the doctor from Star Trek

Enterprise Beverly Crusher that's Star Trek the next generation you're right yeah I'm his face but uh he's a good actor oh this is the doctor from star trek enterprise beverly crusher um that's star trek the next generation you're right yeah i'm talking about the scott bacula star trek oh i don't it was the doctor a um you want me to sing the intro music getting from there to here and i'm not gonna let him hold me back no i'm not gonna that one is i gone straight oh this doctor that yes that enterprise the doctor was hot ass jolene blaylock vulcan that i would cut one of my half my dick off to fuck you're about say cut one of your dicks off. You'd be down to one and a half inches.

It's terrible. Yeah, I mean, I'll make it work, whatever. That's a gorgeous woman. She's so fucking hot. What's her name? She does D-list movies now. Am I right? Jolene Blaylock.

She's so fucking hot. Jolene Blaylock. What you want is Jolene Blaylock from Star Trek because they made her wear this tight tight, tight ass onesie. And in a, everybody else in the show is just a normal, like nerdy looking chick. And then you got her with like a huge tits and a huge ass and like these big,

like pussy lips on her face. Yeah. And that's pretty right away. They're like, we need to go, I'll go take a shower. I swear to God, that's like the next episode. It's like, Oh, we're so dirty. We need to all go take a shower. I swear to God, that's like the next episode.

It's like, oh, we're so dirty. We need to shower together. I have to scrub you down. They do. They do. Literally, they're scrubbing each other down. Space germs all over your tits. It was something like that.

It was like, oh, there's some sort of space germ on your tits. We need to be in decontamination for extra long, naked together, rubbing each other's backs. And she's like, if we must, human. She's not even a human? She's a Vulcan. Looks like all the parts are about the same. All the parts are the same, yeah.

All right. It's all pink on the inside. That's what they say. Actually, not in her case. Green. Green. Why? Why would they be the same everywhere else uh because uh she's green-blooded i think it has something to do with like uh some of her hemoglobin uh being made out of um what's uh

it wouldn't be um our our blood is iron rich and then hers would be um not chlorophyll she's not a fucking plant copper i'm not trying to be an asshole when i say that i can't remember um it's copper it's copper oh maybe in any case it's all it's all made up nonsense sci-fi stuff but i bet her pussy would be green if you ate it um because when spot you know whenever spot gets popped in the mouth he the mouth, he bleeds that green blood. And the doctor would go, you green-blooded Vulcan bastard. Because Spock would always be

like, emotionless. Like, oh, we must leave them to die, Captain. And Bones would be, God, those are people down there, man. And it's like, why do you have a southern accent? It's the 23rd century. There be some no good fellers down that asteroid.

Anyway, her message up on Instagram. I'm not going to message Jolene Blaylock. Why not? She's a fan of the show. Oh, she is a fan of the show. That's right. That's right. She loves our ugly talk segment. It's a good segment.

And she really liked that time we all chanted men, men, men after saying horrible things. That was so fun. That was fun. I don't know if Woody was here for that when we did the men chant. I don't know. I don't think he was here for the men chant. I think he was on a trip.

Yeah, it was a good time. I made a purchase last night. I was playing Dark Tide with my boys, and I'm just not getting as many frames as I would like. I've got 144 hertz monitor, 1440p, but that game isn't optimized super well. It is in beta, you know, and we're not playing the full game yet.

But I was still only getting like down to like 75 to 80 frames sometimes like in crate when shit's really getting crazy um but but sometimes 100 120 with the dlss but they're just inventing those magical frames that aren't even real i guess if you can i guess frames are like boobs if you can see them they're real but but but still i like to know there's real frames happening so i bought a uh a prebuilt pc from ibuypower um i think it's got 4080 and um whatever the the newest um intel uh cpu and i got the ddr ddr5 5600 ram i think that's all that matters nobody cares what power supply you fucking use but yeah i'll have a new PC in a week or two. I'm looking at a new PC as well.

Like I was going to do the 4090 just because I was thinking like get it so that I don't have to replace it longer. But then I saw all those stories about it like catching on fire. And I was like, you know what? Like 4080, like with these monitors I have, like what would be the point of a 4090? There wouldn't be one. You don't need the 4080. 1080p, 60 frames. Oh, really?

This one is 1440. I think those two are both 1080. How many hertz? No fucking clue, man. You gotta get 1440 on all three, Taylor. See, even if his monitor was 144 hertz monitor, there's no way he has the settings correct and the cable correct.

That's true. All the same time, accidentally. You know he's also 60 frames. All the same time, accidentally. And Taylor's always like, guys, guys, you know, I know you like fucking Dark Tide, but I'm a big Pong

enthusiast. I like to play this game that came out of the 1990s or Magic the Gathering. That's a popular game. I can't help it. It's a card game. It might be popular, but you don't need a 4080 to play Magic the Gathering.

Remember that tank game where everything was just green outlines? Yes. I loved that game as a kid hop on top fuck off um oh like tank tank i don't know commander maybe tank commander yeah and you could pick whether you wanted like a really i always pick the speediest tank i could to be zippy and avoid like damage um people don't know this 2d nonsense it's not 2d it's 3d game that weird ass game um yeah we should get your monitors fixed because the difference between 60 hertz and anything else is is is it just gets buttery slick and smooth to

your eyes it feels good and you can you play better You really do. Whenever I mess with settings, get more frames, I'm like, oh, okay. I actually can play a little bit better here. And it looks so much better. I'll have to do that for this main monitor because it's a pretty good one. It had good reviews on Amazon.

It's an Asus. You can move the screen up and down. Nice! I can do that too. Yeah, look at us. Maybe it's the same one. I've got like... Different setting preferences. I'm not try hard enough to run a 27 inch monitor, so I always get I think a 29 or a 32 or something

like that. Maybe somewhere in between. And 1440, 144 hertz. But I think I'm going to upgrade to maybe 270 something hertz whatever the number is um like something 200 plus hertz for this because i'll be able to run it now dark tide is so much smoother yeah you're gonna be seeing a lot more frames like i don't know maybe you remember the difference in how halo looked versusD 4 because the big difference back then was Halo was 30 and COD 4 was now 60 and it was just going

back and forth. You really felt the difference. Yeah, you're right. I need to do that. I've been playing so much Darktide. I've got two level 25 characters now. Is that the top level? It's not actually. 30 is.

as they patch, it's not actually 30 years but uh but but um as they like patch it's a beta and they're continuously like moving things around so um so i i'm i'm uh not really wanting to finish off my first character because they sort of is there still a concept of red like is it the same color like you wanted red weapons and amulets and stuff. Is that they've gone to like the apex legends and modern game color, um, scheme where it goes white, um, green, blue, uh, purple gold. Okay. Do you have gold stuff yet? No, I only have one purple thing.

The, the, the, because it is a beta, um, you're, you're not getting all the content. You're not even close to it and you're also um um like like the way the weapon store works is like some like mit like some small iteration of it where you can't buy or craft weapons you're you have a small list of weapons that you can get and it updates every hour slightly so you can be frustrating if like certain classes have unique weapons. So, like, if you're the Zealot, you get this big honking chainsword. It's called the Eviscerator.

It's so fucking fun. It's one of the best sounding guns. When you're running around, it's going... And when you swing it, it's going... And when you fire it up and's going zing, zing, zing. And when you fire it up and hit somebody with it, it like chains through them like Gears of War style. It's a chainsaw sword. It's a chainsword.

Yeah. You made it sound like it had an engine when you fire it. Oh, it does. It's a chainsaw sword. A chainsword to me is like a flail almost. Yeah. But, Jack, show us a Warhammer 40K chainsword. so chain saw sword a chain sword to me is a store like a flail almost there yeah but um jack show us a warhammer 40k chain sword they look heavy yeah yeah they are um especially the two-handed variety but uh my lady wields it like it way like it's an aluminum baseball bat

she's just running on adrenaline yeah it's just fucking shit up. I know the video you're thinking of. Obviously, after betas, they reset your characters. No, Kyle said you keep your progress in this one. That's weird. The intent is to keep all the progress. They have stipulated, something breaks, you can lose all your progress.

No, that going in. Yeah, you got something like this. That's a change. That looks cool. Yeah, no way for that to actually work, but man, is it fun. I would very quickly cut myself. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you would. You would.

Oh, yeah. 100%. I don't think I haven't figured out the way it would try to move, right? Like, for example, we've all seen the thing where you hold the spinning bicycle tire and then you move it side to side. You kind of have to fight it to make it move, the inertia. If you had a chainsaw going around a sword,

you couldn't swing it like a stationary sword. It would have other... It'd be like pulling down on you if it was going down, right? Because the chain... Is it that simple? It could be. I mean, you swing sideways and it just pulls.

And you pull and counter the teeth as you swing, right? Well, you're talking about the way that it after it digs. But I mean, even just playing with it through the air, it would be like a rotating bicycle tire where you're holding the hub. Oh, you, it would be like a rotating bicycle tire where you're holding the hub. Oh, you think it would be trying to move

centrifugally? You don't think it would just sit in space? It would spin if you let it to itself? And you threw it in zero-g, you think it would spin? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe, I'm not sure actually, but like it would resist changing its momentum, right? It'd be like

if it's spinning around and then you tried to make it go. This is a terrible topic. It's a fantasy weapon. And I started the conversation saying they don't work. But it's real fun in the video game. And I highly recommend. Y'all boys got to get in there. You got to get in there.

I got the people trained. I didn't know that the levels weren't going to reset. Because I was there many times. He did tell us. Yeah. And that's the big thing. I to reset. I said that many times. He did tell us, yeah. And that's the big thing. I am losing. I had a really good day today. I had this big to-do list.

I'm just checking shit off. This leg day, clean motorcycles, ride motorcycles, buy this, get ready for my big trip I got planning. I had a really productive day. And I signed up for the show, and I'm like, jackass, you still didn't get any video gaming in. You'll have to do that afterward it's uh it's a lot of fun and and like i'll the ogren character the the big ogre motherfucker i can like like as soon as he was level five i was able to play the third highest difficulty with my friends and like not get left behind he's that

good he's that tough i think at the higher difficulties, if you go to four and five, there's a lot of ranged stuff. They keep piling ranged on top of range and it gets hard. They haven't balanced it quite perfectly yet. There's a mechanic in the game where if someone's shooting at you and you shoot back, they duck their heads and now you can rush them.

Right. And they haven't quite gotten that perfect. And they also haven't gotten mechanic where when you do rush them, they drop their gun, grab their blade. And like the time, the, the, gotten that perfect uh and they also haven't gotten mechanic where when you do rush them they drop their gun grab their blade and like the time the the the space that they need to do that in because what you don't want is to run up to five guys and they all just look at you and start shooting you like a firing squad you want them to get scared like they normally would if you had a chain sword you're on top draw their own swords and then you're fucked up because you've got a

chain sword yeah a lot of fun i highly recommend it um it's got some bugs but it's a fucking beta and again like i said the other day you can play for free it's pre-order beta you pre-order you play it cancel it the end progress shifts over if you if you do want to keep the game you can buy it you get on game pass for free great game so and if you like warhammer 40k oh the score it's so good no the the scores i mean i want the scores at the end oh yeah they said they're gonna do a scoreboard uh it might be a pussy scoreboard where that game needs a scoreboard yeah it was like so much of it was like finishing a game and being like yes i was serviceable yeah like i was useful here and then other times you're like oh man like

i caused a lot of problems the rest of the team yeah ever play zombies and be like i was revived 34 times i just need to like unplug my internet and text him i'm going to bed ah my computer crashed damn zombies is rough because when you get behind the curve and things are hard it can be hard to get on top of the world again yeah and it just snowballs where it's like there's no way for me to take this wall mp5 and parlay it into a fun time but they tried to fix that but like like then like you'll get killed and you'll come back the next round you're like don't worry i got all this money you'll like buy your perks and stuff and you're about to buy

the last one and then you immediately get killed yeah like you spend all your now you've got no money and you're dead it's like all right i'm gonna quit yeah we're done we're done i'm bad it can be very frustrating i yeah i guess it's two years until the next nazi zombies right and yeah yeah i think they're trying to make this a two-year cod i didn't look into what that means i also saw that i guess it'll be blizzard activision whatever the big daddy company that owns it all is um microsoft microsoft yeah is gonna have have Call of Duty for a decade. They're working a deal to get exclusive Call of Duty for a decade. That is going to shit all over

PlayStation, if you ask me. A big part of what keeps PlayStation floating and the passionate part of their market is dudes who play Call of Duty and all the sports games. If you can get the sports games too, if you can get the Madden stuff and the 2k stuff yo yeah it's fifa a big seller it's really really

pop like i i my friends that's so surprising to play fifa i i don't get it either i'm terrible at sports games but fifa is a huge sports game even in america apparently i i i don't really get into sports games but it is very satisfying and madden when you complete a slick pass like just it really is but the baseball i remember playing baseball on my sega saturn many moons ago and thinking like i own a bat and a ball fuck this like like like like like i'm gonna go hit some balls outside into the net. Why would I sit here and click this button when I could try to hit a ball?

It didn't make any sense to me back then. I don't know. Go to the batting cages, dude. It'd be so much more fun. The only fun time I had on a sports game was doing the GM mode on NHL eight years, nine years ago. And the gameplay itself is not very fun because it's like it's just a sports thing and like if you were good and you know how to like

do dangles and like like dekes and everything yeah it would be fun but like i don't know how to do that and so i would just like baking a roster and then simming the entire season and up to the playoffs and just seeing if I could actually win like a cup just with the roster like simming everything and like of course I could not with like the salary cap because I'm not a GM I don't know how to build a team like that and so like after that first run I turned off the salary cap for only me and left it on for every other GM in the league and then I just fleeced them just Just all these trades. I'm like, hey, I'll give you all my

first round picks in the 2030s for Sidney Crosby, Evgeny Malkin, Alex Ovechkin. And they're like, I'm not going to stare a gift horse in the mouth. Deal. And that was fun. But yeah, sports games are just not my jam. They're good for

playing with friends. They're good for playing with friends. Oh, you can do that in sports games are just not my jam they're not not that they're good for playing with friends they're good for playing with friends 2030s oh you can do that in sports games who's msu and that's mizzou no ms michigan state university that's it michigan state is mizzou doing good probably not no that's what i was saying like your article is great like lately that's i'm sorry i was muted that i was reading through it so i couldn't see my thing i'm so glad they this goes back to that tunnel altercation between i don't think i noticed it all right so what it is i guess michigan state msu got into a fight with michigan and now seven of the players oh you don't know the beginning of this i thought you knew the whole thing all right

so back at the game a while back. I think it was halftime or postgame. It doesn't matter which. But one of the players went down the wrong fucking tunnel and ends up surrounded by the other fucking team. What do they do? Do they point him back to his own locker room? No.

They beat him senseless with helmets. There's video of it, of this guy getting beaten with a helmet in the head. Surrounded by the other team. Is he wearing a helmet? I don't remember that part. I didn't get super into this story, but they assaulted him. And now they're finally charged against those cocksuckers. That's so good.

I hope that it ruins their careers. That's great. They were beating him with a deadly weapon in a dark corridor with all their friends. I can't think of anything more cowardly or shitty. And they were probably being sore losers. That's why they were doing the beating, right? Well, they had just lost.

Yeah, the guy who got beat up was on the team that won, right? There you go. Perfect. Yeah, sore losers are going to jail now. Good. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Pretty fucked up to go down the wrong tunnel, too. Was he going to mock him?

He had a little head injury. No, they've all got head injuries. Yeah, you can't use that as an excuse in football. Head injuries are not an excuse for anti-Semitism. Yeah, that is good because i saw that clip and using the helmets to lay the beating on him is like like that's a you could fuck somebody up with a helmet like and here's the best part look if you're gonna assault someone with a deadly weapon with all your boys maybe find a corridor that isn't quite so well filmed and recorded in HD, crystal clear quality.

There's a YouTube video of the assault. There's like journalists standing there asking questions about the defense. Of the assault. So I notice you're putting your hands over your head. Is that because you fear cte no it's because they're hitting me with helmets yes i notice they they're hitting you with their helmets what do you think about the new helmets they're supposed to be much harder they are they're so much harder

i'd ever imagine my skull stands no chance against these high quality polymers yeah that i didn't think that those guys would actually get in legal trouble but damn they should i'm not sure he went down the wrong hallway like kyle said because um it looks like both teams go down the same hallway one goes left one goes right and he just didn't have his team around him i think in watching this video i i'm not sure you gotta stay well i'm watching the video as well if he wasn't confused about his directions before beating like if you get to 207 for example 211 you'll see the whole michigan team is there now they're just going to the right uh okay so yeah it doesn't even look like i don't know why they beat him up just because they found someone they just maybe they were like oh we just lost and we're embarrassed and he's he's making fun of us let's beat the shit out of

him that's exactly what happened oh i mean that's what i would imagine happened maybe he said something oh i'm sure he did, but trash-talking someone doesn't give you the right to assault them with a weapon. Maybe she's wearing a short skirt. It depends on the trash-talk. Depends on the skirt. I mean, bragging about

winning a football game, even in a shitty way. There's no world in which this guy deserves to get brain damage. According to the district attorney there in michigan it doesn't i i looked up this like a couple months ago like you're allowed to beat someone up for the for trash talk the the supreme court did a ruling it's called fighting words and like if for example if i just lay in and talk about. Your family, your kids.

Just the right stuff. I forget what the examples were. Then they don't consider you. The instigator of the fight. Even though you took it to violence. I'm going to need you to source this. Okay. Because.

And I'm not saying. That fighting words don't exist. a core central station of our legal system, but Jesus Christ, how can that be? But Jesus Christ, how can that be? No, Kyle, if you're super mean, you can cave their skull in. you can cave their skull in i just haven't seen it that that like brought up a lot when people would in fact talk shit and thereby get hit it's a bit of a fuck around and find out type scenario like traditionally you find out and it's all good you're telling me here that there may be legal information yeah i'm looking at it there's it's hard to read because there's at least four Supreme Court cases where they talk about the scope of fighting words. Certain words produce a clear and present danger. They're not protected. They invite a dispute and cause unrest. they held that certain fighting words that incite a riot create a career and they're not protected by the first amendment i'm looking for more stuff here um i think this is about making clear and

present threats to one's safety and life and other things that constitutes defending yourself and things like yelling fire and yelling you know crazy, crazy shit in public, right? Rather than a sort of Andrew Jackson style dueling society sort of interpretation. I'm trying to quickly come up to speed on this fighting word stuff. Texas versus Johnson 1989 Supreme Court redefined the scope of fighting words. Doctrine to mean that words that are a direct and personal insult are an invitation to exchange and fisticuffs.

There the court held that the burning of a United States flag, which was considered symbolic speech, did not constitute fighting words. Are you reading that or making it up? read it not writing words okay i was like that sounds right that would have been a bizarre thing to make up like this

just a bizarre top of the dome riff but uh yeah i think i know what you mean kyle yeah um i would like that though i would like to live in a dueling society where two men could agree to duel one another. I think you'd see it a lot on the Internet. Instead of people boxing, they'd be dueling. I think you can, right? Can't you agree to duel? No. You can agree to mutual combat in the Northwest. I think maybe it's Washington or Oregon, one of the others. And the cops will stand back, like, you boys want to have a go at it? Hey, you're probably Canadian. And they'll just, you know, stand back and watch you.

And that's all legal and good. But dueling involves, well, I think in the old cartoons, the guy who's challenging the other man who is challenged gets to pick the weapon. You know, I challenge you to a duel. That's a good, fair rule. Let me throw this out here i got it the court held the provocative words may be justification for an assault

provided the person uttering the words understood or should have understood that physical retaliation would be attempted the words may be fighting words and then it goes on to talk about it but yeah so fighting words justify an assault, according to the Supreme Court. They just need to be good enough. You can't call some guy a stinky poo-poo head, but you go hard. It mentions racial a couple of times. Those are fighting words.

You know what I think should be fighting words? Any threat. If we're standing there and you say, I'm going to fuck you up. All right, you've done it. You might as well have just punched me in the face. You have instigated a fight. If you just said, I'm going to kill you,

now I should be within my rights to kill you. Well, that's pretty cut and dry. We'll learn fast! I'm going to kill you. You tell somebody you're going to kill them. Look, in the old west, I bet if you told a guy on the street you're going to kill him, he thought you meant it and he responded in kind.

Not probably by like whipping a pistol out but by waiting in the alley that night and beating you with a with a little stick or something with a prostitute yeah with a prostitute to death a prostitute's wooden leg no with a prostitute to death then kill the prostitute perfect plan yeah they both perfect cry and you're in the wild west and I imagine the Wild West being like, Sheriff, there's two freshly dead people where I just was. And he's like, did you see anyone? It's like, nope. Two Mexicans and an engine.

It was a couple of Mexicans, probably. Anyway, I'm about to head out of town. You'll never see or hear from me again. In this scenario, why are we killing somebody? I'm about to pony on out of here. If you want to write my description down, I'm the white guy with the beard on the horse. Good day.

Write it down. Brown hat. The horse's name is Charlie. Fist and teeth. Little racist. Right away. There's no fingerprints. There's no DNA.

The worst thing that can happen is someone got a good enough look at you to scrawl out some crude drawing of you that someone guess what guess what happens if that person's not armed you just waste people it's it's red dead redemption they call me kyle the blinder because i blind everyone i did wrong they'd never be able to you just have to make up new voices in towns you go to again no i've never been here before probably just easier to to kill anyone who's who's good enough at drawing to to do a wanted poster there's only one in town right it's the wild west wanted guy and you pay him off with six cents yeah crime was a lot easier back in the olden days i guess it's gonna get progressively harder tom cruise makes so many cool movies that you forget about them sometimes but um minority report is so fucking good uh it's the one where they have the ability to

know that someone is gonna commit a crime so they fucking slide in seal team six style in a heli into your garage if they think you're about to kill your wife lock you up for the rest of your life and you're like well i was yeah i was thinking about it but i wasn't gonna and they're like yeah you were we know you were we can see the future because and uh and all of a sudden tom Tom Cruise, who's this future crime enforcement officer, his name comes through the machine. They're like, he's about to commit murder next Friday. So the team's after him, and he's like, bullshit, I'm being set up.

Or is he? Or is everyone getting set up? I can't remember hardly any of that movie. I haven't seen it since probably a year after it came out. I remember it beat for beat. it's got some John Walsh stuff in it some child stuff you know because

anyway I remember it very well it's a very good movie I watched the movie last night I saw Avatar I guess I'm getting a little jazzed for a two billion dollar movie I've never seen a two billion dollar movie before and I'm kind of curious about it Taylor was talking about the ridiculousness of the final fight scene and i was like i don't i don't remember well enough to say that he's wrong but i i don't know it just seems like he

should be wrong and uh anyway i saw avatar again it is a pretty dumb movie in the back the fight scene you were wrong about that there was yeah no they didn't just make a terrible strategic decision to fight within spear distance like a couple of things one the reason they couldn't use long-range weapons was because if you get closer to the soul tree all the radars stopped working That's why they decided to have the fight in that area to the humans. Absolutely. But fuck the Navi. They were winning that thing. Huge.

They were hardly taking any casualties and they would like the horse Navi, the flight Navi and the, I don't know, foot Navi. They were all just getting raped by the white guys. And then Jake Sully, the night before prayed to the soul tree that god would help him and you thought god ignored him because you know god yeah but uh the next day as things

were at their end the big dinosaurs and all the little birds and shit joined their cause and beat the humans so i think god birds the the birds jumped in. The tall blue humanoids didn't do it. The blue rhinoceroses did or whatever. We have to stay away from the soul tree because it'll fuck with our stuff. Sir, we have long-range missiles. We can shoot them from space. Yeah, my problem with this is

they've traveled this other planet. But the tree's so quick and devious. No, it like is a jammer. Let me ask you this question do you think our current united states military would struggle with the blue people no i don't think so pick a modern military in the world and i'll answer it again here's what bothered me especially like russia okay so you know they're on the you know they're on the planet looking for a mcguffin right that's it yeah probably everyone a mcguffin is a movie term for like the declaration of independence

the thing that we're all searching for the lost ark and raiders of the lost ark it's a mcguffin it's the map you're looking for etc um the pirate's booty so the mcguffin in avatar do you remember what it was called i do not gubernatorium it was called unobtain what it was called? I do not. Unobtainium. It was called Unobtainium. It was like the most obvious MacGuffin made up element ever. True, huh? Yeah, and I don't know. Something about Unobtainium. It's a joke I've heard for like

everything that's expensive ever. They should have just said gold. It could have been gold. There's gold in them dire hills! It could have been gold. It could have been. There's gold in them dire hills. Like a crystal that powers Iron Man or something. I don't know. Make it super futuristic,

but we've reverted back to like gold rush style like society. And everybody's sort of a rustler now in space. I'd like that. I heard Matt Damon. Did you know Matt Damon was offered the lead role in Avatar? Yes. And they offered him a chunk of money. It was the percentage.

Wow. Yeah. So he's like, you'll never meet another actor who's turned down more money than me. Not Connery's dead. What did he turn down? He turned down 20% of Lord of the Rings franchise. Oh my God, dude, he would have been a billionaire like a real one like like

20 of lord of the rings oh my god gandalf character i can't wrap my head yeah didn't didn't he like do an interview he's like i didn't understand what was being said i was supposed to be some kind of gay wizard i said you want ian mckellen so i slapped live tyler and left thank god thank god ian mckellen got that role yeah because nothing wrong with sean connery but ian mckellen is a much much much much much much much much much much better actor all right let's drop a couple of matches come get real get real here man come on Ian McKellen's like incredible he's good at everything yeah you're right you're right you're right right but uh it's funny he's Sean Connery kills it in that video where he talks about beating women i love that video

i've watched that video i share that video with everyone i meet um i love that barbara walters is a real cunt and a half um i i just think back to that interview where i think it's cory feldman is like trying to tell her how he was molested by like execs in hollywood and she's like aren't you worried about the damage you could do to a whole industry and it's like man i wish something bad would happen to you barbara something that's so bad i can't even say it out loud like jesus fuck you're an awful bitch you're an awful bitch oh you're someone's coming to you telling you something you clearly know about your industry having a problem with and you're trying to like to say that to someone is like a tacit like

shut up be careful be careful shut up don't talk about that aren't you worried about all the powerful people that could be upset by that like that's fucked and you know like you watch one video of that guy and you know he was ab he's telling the truth. He definitely got molested. All those old guys. I felt like it went unappreciated, but I liked it. Yeah, no. He was the one. We all know Feldman was the better one.

Or Hames. His friend was the better looking one. He killed himself, right? Or drug overdosed? It's a shame. Or maybe he was drug overdosed? It's a shame. Or maybe he was drug overdosed because he was going to tell on the wrong straight-ish Hollywood

exec slash star who had molested him. That could be. We know these people are doing some shady things. You know. Well, like Kevin Spacey once told me, with great power comes great responsibility. Now hold this kid down.

Bring him back! God damn it, he's the best actor of our generation. Well, Daniel Day-Lewis? Yeah, but Daniel Day-Lewis gets to do whatever he wants. They've locked my boy up. They won't let him act. They won't let him in any movies. I think he's actually got one coming out.

Did I see a preview for a Kevin Spacey movie? No way. It would have to be one of those. It would have to be some kind of independent thing because I don't think anybody wants to fuck with him. But I don't know why. It's never stopped him. In any other career like you get work

you know like if you were legitimately one of the top five race car drivers in the world and you did some bad shit you'd be able to go like drive somewhere right like somebody wants you in their car like if the same thing with football you know as long as you don't kneel it looks like he's in a movie called The Man Who Drew God from 2022. I hope it's about Mohan. It's a self-portrait. And he gets him killed.

Okay, good. Our Faye Dunaway's in it. That's got to be a good sign. Directed by Frank Clemente. The Rise and Fall of a Blind. Faye Dunaway is 81 years old does she know she's in it we will inform her she's like 31 jesus she should like run for politics it's a it's oh it's the true story of a blind man who drew portraits of people by hearing their

voices in 1950s italy fun man dude that's oh i do not care about that forget it i don't want to see avatar anymore i want to see the man who drew god i want to see it and i want like i hope that it's a movie about like a bunch of people placating a bad artist like that's whoa spitting. And it's just terrible. He's got one thing. Just not even like trying to do lines and faces. Just figures. It's the old pointy nose.

Oh, my God. He's a genius. He's the best drawer in the world. Yeah, this movie looks awful. What are the stakes? Like, what is that stake? You ever watch movies like that where you get halfway through and you're like, okay, so if it goes really bad, you have to go to summer school.

It's like, I know a lot of people had to go to summer school. They ended up fine this is gonna be okay yeah every once in a while a nice low stakes movie is what you need yeah something where it's not about death and murder but i mean you kind of need death as a finality in as like a as a stake in things like if you knew that gus wasn't going to kill people breaking bad wouldn't have been very good season three. Did either of you watch any of that Pepsi documentary about the jet yet? Not yet. No.

I won't spoil it or anything. It's real good. Anybody listening, it's on Netflix. It's a documentary, like three or four episodes about the true story of when Pepsi advertised their points program. You get a jet for this many points, or You get a jet for this many points, or you get a jacket for this many points, some sunglasses for this many, and at the end of the commercial, Harrier Jet, 7 million

points, and someone called them on it. Came up with 7 million points and wanted their fucking jet. They were like, what do you really want? They were like, we want the fucking jet. They're like, yeah, but how about a lot of money? I already told you once, friend and then pepsi's just like it doesn't make any sense he he wants a jet he said

they don't know how to deal with this guy did they offer him the equivalent in cash oh like 32 million dollars oh no no no okay because i i might have settled for that they Did they offer him the equivalent in cash? Oh, no. Like $32 million or something? Oh, no. No, no, no. Oh, okay. Because I might have settled for that. They offered him enough money that as a kid who had just come up with some Pepsi points, probably should have... Most people, I think, would have taken it. He spent $4.5 million, right, to get the jet?

No, he spent $700,000 from an... He got an investor to put in 700 000 and the idea would be because that's all it took um when you bought the points they had a program where hey you need to round up your points a little you sell points for x amount of points for 10 cents and he was like seven million points is uh seven hundred thousand dollars so here's your check. They wrote in Harrier Jet and they mail it to Pepsi and they wait. And Pepsi's like, did they cash it? Well, they don't know what to do. They're like,

we could just cash this check and send him back a model. That's what we showed in the commercial was we could send him the thing from the commercial, that model we recorded and cash his fucking check. and they're like no no it has to be a functional harrier so um yeah i watched a different documentary where a guy

bought a harrier jet and apparently there's a lot of rules around who's allowed to own them and whether you qualify the faa weighs in on you and but he was the guy, he was like a, um, what do they call it? A test pilot. So, so like he was, there's previously a test pilot. Now he's old,

he's retired and he has enough money to buy a Harrier jump jet. Yeah. And he bought one guy. Yeah. Like, sir, do you know, sure.

You're able to fly this Harrier jump jet. I've never had a problem flying a Harrier jump jet. Uh, I tested that one actually before it was called a Harrier jump jet. It was had a problem flying a harrier jump jet uh i tested that one actually before it was called a harrier jump jet it was the xp 74 back then like well i don't know sir i was smart enough to trick pepsi like i think i can handle this they uh and you also get a little background into like how awful pepsi is as a company um i'll i'll spoil this little i will not have your southern coca-cola bias way into my pepsi diet pepsi is better than

diet coke pepsi put on pepsi put on a contest and uh in this poor country i can't remember where maybe singapore doesn't matter where but in a poor country they put on this contest where they were going to give you the equivalent of like 40,000 pesos or $40,000. It was $40,000 in pace. A million pesos then was like $40,000. And basically you pop the cap on your Pepsi, and there's a number under there. If you get three of the – and they're going to read out the number on TV one night. It's like a lottery basically.

So everybody's keeping their caps. People are eating. People are giving up meals to buy Pepsi. And you're interviewing people. And Manny Pacquiao is from there. Where's Manny from? Because that's where it is. Manila?

Philippines. Oh. Right? Okay. So Manny's like, I went to the dumps. Me and my friends, we'd go through the trash looking for caps. Everyone. Everyone. They'd give up their meals for caps. Anything they could do. Coca-Cola fell to nothing here. Only Pepsi's

sales just many fold over and over because everybody's trying to win this money. Finally, they read the number out on the news. 359. Everybody looks at the caps. They've all got one they've all got three five nine huge they're everybody thinks they've won the lottery and then they start hearing like oh so-and-so says he's got one ah he's a fucking liar i got one show us i'm not bringing that thing out i'm going to get my money from pe. Finally, it comes out. They're like, computer error. Wrong number, boys. We're not paying out.

Actually, how about this? Y'all get 20 bucks. They rioted. And some Pepsi trucks blow up. Holy shit. When the Pepsi trucks blow up and the factory gets attacked and some people die, all of a sudden, all the attention sways back Pepsi's way. It's like, oh, these people have gone violent. They're blowing up trucks.

Turns out after an investigation later on, it was determined that Pepsi blew their own trucks up. Of course, the people who came up with who discovered that were paid off a generation later. And they say, no, no, no, no. came up with who discovered that were paid off a generation later and they say no no no we we think we the current story there locally um after pepsi talked to them is that rival bottlers bombed the trucks moderate rebels so basically so pepsi ripped these people off there were many deaths because of it and then they bombed their trucks to sway local opinion away uh and make themselves look they false flagged their own beverage trucks? Yeah.

Pepsi's a genius. Allegedly in Minecraft, according to that documentary that somebody said on Netflix. I mean, a documentary with an agenda? Show me one. Fahrenheit 9-11. Have you ever seen a documentary where a guy's like I'm just interested in this and I'm going in with an open mind

It's always like Today we're going to talk about food And how everything is poison Except for what I'm selling I can only come to the conclusion That this doc gives a fair shake Because three or four Big wigs from Pepsi are in it

Like they're there giving their side Former big wigs four bigwigs from pepsi are in it like they're they're giving their side former bigwigs like bigwigs at the time the people who were doing the stuff that the doc is about like the people and not just like oh yeah i was working bottling it's like yeah i came up i designed the commercial it's my commercial and then they got the other guys like yeah i was running pepsi marketing then yeah i i pay the guy who comes up with commercials. And it's like, yeah, and I'm Pepsi legal. And like, yeah, I'm the lawyer who works for Pepsi legal. Like they have all of these people in the dock

and you get all of their like points of view. And it's good when you've got two people telling the same story about an event that happened in the 90s because then they can be like, you remember? Then he came in and said this. He's like, yeah, he did. And so it's a fun little documentary about a wacky marketing campaign

that Pepsi came up with. I liked it a lot. That stuff's always so fun when someone works away around some big corporation's contest. Obviously, this one is way more impressive than like the like fucking with mountain dew name suggestions but like all of that stuff is great i believe the movie punch drunk love with adam sandler has to have been inspired by this uh

this this uh harrier well in that one there's a pudding uh lid giveaway you you know under the lid of the peel off pudding snack things there's points and he's like yeah i came up i i did the math and you can you can order them like this and if you do it like that and you you basically get free airline miles for life uh you know i have as many as i want now and he's just this this very like he's on the spectrum and just like he's wearing that blue suit the whole movie inexplicably. Punch Drunk Love is like if one of Adam Sandler's violent, goofy characters lived in our universe where that is unacceptable, bizarre behavior to beat another man in a Denny's or to scream out loud in public about nonsense. They take that character and put him in a real world. So he has an outburst at a family event,

and everybody's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You've ruined dinner. You've ruined dinner because you can't control yourself. Or he gets in a fight in public, and it's like, oh my God. It's not comical, really, when you beat three men with a tire iron. It's terrifying. So Punch Drunk Love, really good movie, too, if you want to see Adam Sandler's best, I

think. Although, I haven't seen his newest movie where he's running around with the gems. Uncut whatever, gems or whatever. Oh, I did see Uncut Gems. Yeah. Everybody says that's tremendous. I need to check that out. I thought it was good. It was...

It kept my attention the whole time. It was high tempo the entire movie. I'm pretty sure Adam's a billionaire now. And every five years he'd be like, just so you know, I'm a really good actor. Watch. And he'll just really do a good job. And then he'll go back to making those goofy comedies

with all of his buddies to make sure that they can live life to the fullest too. I love that about him. Is that he's just like, Ohvin james movies aren't hot anymore they are in adam sandlerville come on kevin kevin james david spade rob schneider come over here suckle on the teat i'm here for my boys i'm here for my friends like chris rock shows up every time to support him in those movies there to help chris rock's obviously not struggling everybody loves chris rock see if i if i were a famous actor and i had that kind of reach like what he has with netflix i would do the exact same thing i would be hooking up all my buddies with with like high paying netflix roles why wouldn't you that'd be awesome just being like

oh you're struggling financially bro guess what you're playing a goofy retard who rides a tricycle here's 600 grand of netflix money i know you're not a superhero guy but you have spider-man's powers right that's it you're the you're the best athlete you can bench and his car and you get and you have the suit if you need it but i don't have the body for that then you just get his powers which is super strength and just unexplainable agility athletic ability dexterity etc what do you do with this power do i have um does spider-man have web power or is that a machine uh it actually varies by spider-man for the purpose of this you have web power okay i keep the web powder power stuff a hundred percent under wraps don't let anybody know about

that stuff because if people realize that they're not going to trust anything else and then i would really just pick whatever sport i wanted to dominate in and for me like it like i love hockey so i would be the greatest nhl player in history i could be the best goalie my safe percentage i would have to every so often let goals in to make it seem reasonable no no fuck it blow them out of the water you'd be you'd be the highest scoring goalie of all time because you'd leave the net a lot you would play offense with your team every every you would always be playing the net would always be empty you'd be over there playing no you wouldn't use goalie equipment you'd you'd be light you'd be we'd be with the bare minimum whatever you have to wear

you would have to wear a form of it but i bet i could wear like super small lean pads and you know the goal i can't carry the puck past the middle line commercials about how your pads are you know how we always your slap shots could score from half ice oh yeah i just play with a right handed stick so i can fire slap shots from a little beyond center ice. Dude, you're right. Why am I limiting myself to one position? I should be a forward who moonlights as a goalie when necessary.

You play man up. We play the whole game with the goalie pulled. You should play whatever position you feel like that day. You're right. Because I'm the coach also. Taylor, what is the record for and the shutouts because that should be your rookie debut oh yeah you should just leave with like 11 shutouts dude if i like started my career with 25 shutouts in a row like there'd be like an

fbi investigation like there's no fucking so here's a little fun thought like the fact that we all come up the same conclusion about what we would do with any sort of superhuman powers is that we'd use them for our own financial gain. Who's to say? No, no, no. Hang on. Hang on. Who's to say that there aren't among us a few superhumans

and they went and their dad was like, son, you can bend steel bars. You can jump over the barn. You killed the bull last week with a punch. You know what you've got to do. It's like, fight crime? No. You're starting safety for the Chicago,

or for the Cleveland Browns. Yeah. You're going to ball, son. You're going to ball hard. What's your favorite sport? What's your favorite position? Anything. Pick it.

Like, just whatever. The best home run d or ever soccer or um basketball uh you might be right about basketball because they get the shoe endorsements yeah baseball players get the contracts tennis tennis players make so much fucking money like those time like the gentle spider-man would be so good at tennis you can do both you can play one and they have the idea of being a wide receiver and having really sticky hands catching balls

that are six inches out of reach and just bringing them back you'd get caught slow-mo and draw a yellow highlighter around the you're 100% right I would get caught it came to me they already let you basically put glue on your hands like those gloves that they're using are like designed to stick they wouldn't stick to a table if you stuck them on there or like they don't stick to you but but

like they're designed to stick to those balls i watched a whole thing about it the other day about how they used to use that crazy, like stick them or something. They showed those pictures, black and white pictures of football players in the sidelines. And they're covered with like this cartoon, like glue used to get all over the uniforms. Yeah. Like, I mean,

they're covered in the whole reason they outlawed. It wasn't, Hey, that's not fair. You're making too many catches. It was like, you look absurd. Everything's sticky. You kind gotta stop like those baseballs from

120 years ago where they're just jet black because they have so much tobacco spit rubbed into them and like yeah yeah those those disgusting spit balls um yeah sports have changed a lot, I guess, over the years. We were just saying before the show that my version of 4v4 basketball should be implemented. It would just be a better sport. Where they had knives. Five is too many. Yeah, and knives. Yeah, 4v4, knives.

They need to either make basketball 4v4 or make the court bigger to force people to have to actually run. I've wondered if making the nets higher would be good, right? Nets higher, court bigger. Yeah, that'd make dunking really impressive. And small, make it smaller too. Make it three harder. There's something to be said for watching them do like ridiculous, making it look easy, doing the ridiculous athletic stuff that they wouldn't pull

off on a let me ask you this is there a guy in every game who can make plays like that look easy i think the answer is yes there's one on every team right a couple so is it really that special like like wouldn't it be cool if there was like three guys in the fucking world who could dunk and make it look slick like oh shit here it comes like it would look like the 50s game there's not a guy out there who can't dunk like like even the i bet the shortest least athletic nba player can dunk in a cool way he's not doing that that silly double-handed white man dunk he can do a cool dunk so so i'm saying it's not impressive anymore i don't care that you can dunk i can dunk on the fucking eight foot goal in

my backyard dude like maybe i can't spin but i'm not getting paid to watch either like get the fuck out of here i'm not impressed put that thing up 12 and a half feet tall make that court 25 bigger in every dimension and now let's play like let's see what you can do and make the make the make the uh the goal whatever you call it, the rim, smaller. Make the ball barely fit. Make it hard as fuck to sink a three. Grab it from a carnival. Make that goal tending.

I mean, don't make it impossible, but make it hard. You know what I think? I think goal tending should be legal for your own team. I think that would lead to some fun plays. Like, if I could just put it. So, right now, if the ball's on the downward trajectory, you can't it and if the ball's in the cylinder i think i have my rules right if the ball's in the cylinder that the rim creates like an imaginary cylinder you can't touch it in there it has to like bounce out of it for you to get it or it has to be in the upward trajectory i

understand i think it'd be cool if same team could touch it on the downward trajectory. Then it would be all kinds of like, like Ali assists, Ali oops, like, you know, wacky sort of teamwork plays. That would be fun to see.

I bet it breaks the game with people that athletic. I bet again, if a bunch of us are out and like, that's the new rule, it's like, Oh, it's a silly version. It's a lot more fun and exciting.

But I bet when you take those super athletes who do it for a living and get paid 50 million a year or whatever to do it they find a way to make that break the fucking game in a way like let's say i shoot a three-point shot now you're athletic guy under the net you get to decide whether you want to see if my three falls or turn it into a two by touching it yourself and i wonder like yeah we start money balling that and seeing how this game develops yeah interesting i'm just gonna keep my white stupid ideas to myself and watch mma because that's that that's what i should do never say that kyle what those stupid ideas fly i love it and you know what what's funny is like people will be like will leave comments mad about like talking about basketball like this the taylor doesn't know anything about that sport

that's true no that's a fact i don't know anything about basketball i'm just trying to give you a way to make your sport interesting enough that i would care to learn like your sport fucking blows like it's just the most here's how i know your sport blows what's the percentage uh like like every time you go down the court how often is it a score versus the defense making a save i'll call it you know like how often is the offense successful when they go down the court more 42 percent really they score they they they the defense wins more than they lose in basketball sounds right well no i'm going by shooting percentages and i'm not counting offensive rebounds and such maybe higher than that

yeah with offensive rebounds it's got i would guess that it's 75 plus percent of the time i would think it's even higher than that it seems like every time you go down the court that if the defense makes a stop it's like oh all right let's go it's it's like not as someone who doesn't watch basketball like i'll see a highlight and it looks like there's a rule of like oh one person on each team is the designated can't play defense guy legally not allowed to play against the rules that guy can't play defense like that's what it looks like because you'll see like clearly the lower tier players like kind of jog it up like because you'll see like clearly the lower tier players like kind of jog it up and then you'll see someone who like has nothing but job security

like on their phone i played like just walking back to the same basketball on this pw and i remember um i remember playing peewee basketball and then they got blew the whistle i had the ball i was trying to go score so what is it game stop he's not traveling you took uh you took two and a half or three steps or something without bouncing the ball and i was like but i had it like i was doing the and i didn't mean to and yeah you can't run with the ball kyle and i was i didn't know they run with the ball every fucking night in the nba you turn on fucking tv they're running around with that thing like it's football at this point i i'm not an expert on this but i saw a uh like a youtube video that really demonstrated how traveling works and it has changed like kyle said in the 50s all

those players super unathletic you know they're dribbling like like an elementary school kid right well that was the rule you could only touch the top of the ball you couldn't do this like hold it from the bottom carry side to side stuff and they i don't know if they changed the rules or changed the enforcement of the rules but now the kind of handles that a basketball player is allowed to have and how he holds it from the side and and you can just do a lot more with the ball than you could in the 50s so obviously they're super athletes maybe the best athletes and balls too small as well the ball but um they're better athletes but also the enforcement's different and that's part of why

basketball has gotten so flashy that's the other thing i would do instead of making the rim smaller i would make the ball bigger that's what needs to be done the ball's way too small make it heavier like when you when you're a kid trying to play ball and you're trying to like just do some of the things that you can do when you can hold the ball with one hand like like if you ever watch somebody like they've like got it like like put out over here they're holding the goddamn ball and they're like analyzing the defense real quick like it's a tennis ball yeah all right well the ball's over here fucker you stay over there. I have nothing to think about because all your buddies

are over there. Alright, I figured this out and the ball's here and here we go. Now I've got a plan. Like, fuck that. Fuck being able to do that, dude. I can't do that even slightly. Clearly, the ball's too fucking small for your gigantic mitts. It should be such a big ball

that it's hazardous. And heavy. No, you're right. I'm sorry. I went too far. There should be knockouts every game. You know what? Add fighting.

See if that pans out. I'm just trying to find a way. Not even fighting. Just checking. Making the sport interesting to me. Just checking. It just seems awful to me. I don't get it.

I try to watch. I've watched some NFL recently, and I've gotten more into that because that's cool to watch. It's fun. I think it's a much better sport. I don't like NFL players. I don't mind that. Oh, I do mind that.

That's what I hated most about playing football. I played for an hour, but you're there for three. In middle school? I only played football for two years in middle school, and it was up there with baseball as far as like the most boring sport to be playing because it was you know i'm running out for a pass i'm not gonna get a pass because i'm 13 and so it's like everything felt like a drill like it's like oh you just get to rehearse this again and then you get to come back and get in the huddle,

and then the QB is going to go, we're going to hand it to the fast kid again. Dude, run out again. And it's like, this sucks. This is not fun. I don't even feel like I'm part of the team. I don't feel like I'm helping half the time. In football, how long do you think they play?

I know the clock is 60 minutes. I bet 15 minutes. That's not a bad guess. I feel like they run a six second play and then they wait a minute before the next play and the clock's just running and running yeah 15 minutes is a good bet i bet i bet about 15 minutes like what what is it how many i don't even know how long are the quarters in football 15 minutes for 15 minute quarters yeah 15 minutes okay and then yeah it's got to be around

15 minutes because every time i see football like at a friend's house all the time is going away like in between plays seemingly have you played soccer as an adult no i feel like that'd be embarrassing oh my gosh like this isn't even recent like I'm 49, so this is probably 20 years ago I played soccer. And I'm like, good God. How much cardio does this fucking game take? And there's nowhere to hide. Ball goes that way, you got to run that way. Ball goes that way, you got to run that way.

You can't coast on your skates across the ice. You just take four good strides and be like, I'll get there when I get there. That doesn't exist in soccer. You have to earn earn every goddamn step and everybody else is in great shape yes and so like you have to soccer is like i would rather watch soccer than probably football or basketball like i just i the the flow of the game i like more like it's always kind of active the the flopping fucking sucks it's really embarrassing to like i think like europeans and like it's always kind of active the the flopping fucking sucks it's really embarrassing to like i think like europeans and like i guess the rest of the world would be

like that's just part of the game they do that and it's like but i think in america like it's so drilled into our sports culture like the flopping particularly in hockey that like you see that and it's like but the ref knows you're faking you know you're faking the viewer knows we're faking the announcer knows you're faking. You know, you're faking. The viewer knows we're faking. The announcer knows you're faking. Both coaches know you're faking. What's happening? Like, what are we doing here? What is this performance?

Like, there's really no. Right. What is it called? Embellishment. It's called embellishment. Yeah, it's a two minute. So if in hockey, if Woody hits me with a cross check into the boards and instead of getting a normal amount of hurt, I go like, oh, oh, like on the ground a little bit. The ref will be like, Woody, you're out for five and pussy, you're out for two.

Like it's called embellishment. Oh, Taylor fell way harder than he had to and like was looking to the ref for attention. That's two minutes for him what he delivered a check that probably shouldn't have knocked anyone over but taylor fell yeah you might get the only penalty yeah it's i think it's it's rare that they'll call an embellishment on its own you have to really okay really flounder around like a lunatic and and like if it's a real bad one they'll fine you for it so it'll be like uh so and so finds three thousand dollars for embellishment and it's like just a shaming tactic so that their name is now in there with the history of so now they can go oh you get cross-checked

history of embellishment buddy like and so then once you have a history of embellishment someone can you know take the stick to your ankle and everyone's gonna be like yeah but did it really hurt that bad because you act like you get shot all the time like uh pk suban he used to do that a good bit and then eventually people realized like the ref stopped giving him calls even when it was like genuinely somebody fucking with them they wouldn't give him the call but um i i've been having such a blast on the show tonight. Didn't realize I'm way over on ads. So we are going to hear from Fume. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Fume. Fume is the natural inhaler designed for a better, safer, and natural way to quit cigarettes. It's a no-smoke, no-vape, and no-nicotine replacement for the hand-to-mouth habit of smoking.

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it's over Sunday and that's it 20% off code PKI code jizz Derek start coming like a man start coming like a man you fucking bitch oh did you see that the Supreme Court ruled against trump and they're going to release his tax documents to the i did not to the house yeah so the deal is they're not supposed to go public uh giving the tax returns to these house of representative members it's not

releasing it to the public but historically these things tend to find light of day. That's everything I read. So it might be that Trump's tax returns become public knowledge. Doesn't matter, is my question. I feel like if MAGA Nation hears that Trump has cheated on his taxes and has loans with Russian banks, are they going to change their opinion on Trump? I feel like that's baked into the cake. I think that whatever they say, they won't be able to resist

themselves. They will make it worse than it even is. Even if it's bad, they'll make it a little worse. The right will say, look at this huge lie they've made up it's not this and that when it was this but yeah it wasn't that there was no reason to put that in the story you just discredited the whole thing and made it look bad they do that every time so i don't care if he's got loans russian banks or if he's not like a uber billionaire or any of that stuff i don't think that most of his fans if you want to or supporters will even believe anyone who says that that those things are true they

won't believe anything that uh opposes trump anything that someone who opposes trump says certainly no opinions will change some people might believe it but not care that it was baked into the cake i already knew he cheated on his taxes i hope so right like that makes him smart right he got on the debate stage and said yeah i don't pay my taxes that makes me smart well what he said was like i take all of my deductions and i don't know why i wish they just say that he's like hey i feel like all my deductions don't you if you don't you should fire your accountant i think what he said she said he doesn't pay his taxes he said that makes me smart i don't think he said what you did but i could be wrong it's been yeah he didn't say but that's what he that's how he should have framed it because

that's what he means right like what he means is like yeah i take advantage of the tax code he i follow it to the letter i don't break the law but no if you i don't pay my taxes the way that you might think a billionaire should have to pay taxes. Like average Joe out there who 33% of your income is like leaving your pocket every year and going to the government. That's not how it works over here in billionaire land. Although lots of money did get paid out a lot of the times, you know, like they're paying some taxes, but it doesn't look weird. Some are. Trump pays as little as he has to pay.

And some of it's probably illegal yeah yeah i you know i don't know i haven't seen his taxes i think he pays less than he should pay less than he has to pay i should say um oh yeah maybe but maybe uh uh we'll see and i don't think it'll make a difference i think everyone who likes him is okay with him cheating on his taxes everyone who doesn't like him already didn't like him. And if you, I just baked into the cake, I don't know how else to say it,

but, uh, it will be interesting anyway, to me, I follow politics for his tax returns to get leaked. I think that'd be fun. Um, I kind of feel bad for him because it's like,

uh, it would, it's, it's kind of like, they're like trying to figure out if Santa Claus's magic is real or real or something like that you know they're they're like ah we don't know about these reindeer we see them flying around from place to place but we think he might have an engine in there somewhere and now they're gonna find out it's like come on man like it's the idea of the billionaire president let it fucking go like like as far as him cheating on his taxes

i don't care i think the big who got we got you kind of thing is going to be if he if he's not um as wealthy as he'd like to be seen as anyone yeah that to me isn't isn't it and i don't even know cheating taxes it i want to know who he's paying loans to like if the russians or chinese or the middle east like have have them by the short hairs that would be interesting to me i don't know what it's like borrowing money when it's that much money on such big projects and there's so many other people involved you know what i mean like when i would borrow money it would be like hey i'm i want to get this car so give me 80 000 and we'll have this and but maybe him borrowing money was as simple as like,

yeah, I'm on the board of this company, or yeah, I'm an investor in that company, and I don't really have a lot of say in who. They go for the lowest interest rate because I'd fire them if they didn't. So sure, we're in some bank in Europe for that. We're also in a bank in Saudi Arabia for this other thing. We're in a bank in Chicago for this other thing, and I'm not a fan of Chicago. think chicago might be my least favorite of all

those people frankly real words on there now he's pivoted it's funny and nobody cares right like i don't think it's like that i think like banks are like we don't work with trump he doesn't pay his back he doesn't pay his back he's bad loans bad loans so he starts going to like shittier banks shadier deals finds Russians or Chinese or Middle East people willing to give him cash because no American will anymore like I think that's how it goes down no Americans will give him money

no banks don't they want to like he doesn't pay them back like ever they don't send like soon that's why he works with like Deutsche Bank and they stop working with him that's why I think he has loans from Russians Deutsche Bank's a huge bank they don't work him for it. That's why he works with Deutsche Bank and they stop working with him. That's why. I think he has loans from Russians. Deutsche Bank is a huge bank. They don't work with Trump anymore.

So I think hopefully I have my facts right. I don't understand how he managed to do all this with all these banks. If he just took loans from every major bank, didn't pay them back. Goes bankrupt. Well, no, I think that's more outlandish than the truth is like i don't think he took loans from every major bank and just flat out didn't pay them back but like didn't pay them back on time didn't pay them back in full to where they stopped working with trump oh okay yeah i don't really see the tax thing being being a big boom either way we'll see what do you think trump's credit

score is i don't know i bet it's bad but it doesn't go by credit score it goes by project viability at that level i know but it makes sense but but for example i bet he's got like a fucking 450 credit score he might like he's with like you know i bet is like his liabilities and assets are all out of whack and i bet that he is he's got a he's had so many bankruptcies i bet he's got a 450 fucking credit score if he had to liquidate right now it might be a little nasty i mean what does he claim to be worth? And like, what's the assumption? He wants to be. He wants to be 10. Yeah.

Yeah. I thought it was. I thought at the time he was president, it was like three and a half bill. Or that's what the. People said it was. I mean, he'll say things like, well, the Trump brand is 7 billion of that 10 billion. Because that's how much I could sell to put my name on people's items, stuff like that. He might be onto something. It's a huge brand. It is. Yeah. it's one of the biggest brands on in the planet after him being president but i've never stayed in a trump hotel maybe they're

i mean they seem gaudy but i'm not against a gaudy hotel room i've been i bet it's just like any other casino, right? Lots of gold, no clocks. Yeah. So far, of course. He built the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City a long time ago. And he called it the eighth wonder of the world. It was typical Trump overselling it. But I had to see it. So I grabbed my fake ID and went to the casino.

That's hilarious. You go back and watch those. The real Taj Mahal is already in the throw this one in you go back and watch those old tyson fights they're often at a trump casino you know he's always been a promoter and a salesman and a guy who needed like knew how to uh sort of assign himself and like with like money and power and celebrity like go back to the home alone movie i bet he was like you gotta get me in that new home alone movie that last one was huge oh yeah of course you could do it in my hotel yeah i'll give you a discount on the rooms they didn't double the price now they're half off yeah and he gets five percent of the money from

yeah dunstan checks in yeah it's um you know like like like i think there's a lot of like the youngest people right now who are listening to this have no idea like he was just that guy he was he was a nice enough guy you thought of him the same way you thought of like i don't know he was like oh that big rich uh like flashy guy you know the big fancy flashy guy fires people well even before that i'm talking about like like long ago he was he was the flashy like playboy type guy like he used to be kind of good looking like you've seen that advertisement where he's like donald trump is uh the most eligible bachelor in in the you know in new york he's worth two billion dollars he's six feet

six foot two he's got this that and the other and he's looking for a lady and it's a decently handsome photo of him because he wasn't a bad looking guy back in the day and i'm too young for that i only remember i earliest i remember him as apprentice stuff like his name is he's been a household name since i've been alive i come from a different background regarding him right so i live two towns over from atlantic city something like that and probably like a third of my teachers worked for trump on the side they were like um dealers and accountants or whatever just working in the casino there was a big employer and teachers had extra time anyway they would tell stories to the

class that I now look back on as untrue legends of what it is to work for Trump. They'll be like, yeah, Trump will put a paperclip under the ashtray. And if housekeeping comes by and that paperclip's still there, they get fired on the spot. There was a person, Trump was driving through the parking garage checkout and he's like, how how you doing? And the person didn't know who Trump was. So the legend goes. And they're like, well, I'm still stuck in this place. Fired on the spot. Like Trump's arbitrary, legendary firings of everyone who left a paperclip on a desk, under a bed,

something like that. Like, that just proves you didn't vacuum very well. You're fired. He was known as an asshole, like, in my high school because that's the organization he ran. The lore. Allegedly. Yeah, right. I don't think Trump was actually leaving paper clips firing housekeepers.

Of course not. That's psychotic. It's also not his role. He does have a not a business to run like what's he doing like putting white gloves on and swiping the top of a tv looking for excuses to fire staff like yeah i'm looking to make problems for myself today like why would you do that not paying his contractors was a thing that was widely known like even 16 year old woody was was like, yeah, you got to be careful and get paid up front if it's a Trump property because he won't pay you. That's so funny. Yeah, I guess contractors, not a tight-knit group,

not sharing that with each other. Don't do that Trump thing. They all got sucked in. And what would happen is you you know get a deal a hundred thousand dollars for all these cabinets you deliver the cabinets they'd be like uh how does 60 grand sound it's like we had a thing ah this is walnut i wanted chestnut he'd renegotiate the deal after you delivered and you know that windows was another thing he didn't pay his window contractor i don't know are the deal he you delivered. And, you know, that Windows is another thing. He didn't pay his window contractor.

I don't know. Or the deal. He got him right where you want him. Yeah. Yeah. I'm using the armed henchman negotiating technique. Yeah. So anyway, I would just say my exposure to Trump was different as a kid.

Yeah. It's hard to argue against the Trump way because it has more often than not proved to be the the successful way unfortunately for well anyone who wants to argue against him i guess i mean he did become president after getting made fun of at a dinner he didn't read the rule the planet there for uh four years we we gave him enough nuclear weapons there for uh for four years to We gave him enough nuclear weapons there for four years to kill all of us.

That's true. Everything you said is true. I'm hung up on the elitism. He is on a very short list of people that were the president of the United States, that were leaders of the free world. He's in the free world. It's like

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, even the lower ones like Woodrow Wilson, Andrew Jackson, Donald Trump. Barack Obama. That's the other thing. To have to beat Hillary, Obama's

like, even though Hillary didn't like her like obama was co-signing her to go out of that correspondence dinner to fucking show up beat obama's girl beat the one he was pushing make everybody look bad talk shit the whole fucking way like like go into that place tear down that other guy's curtains fucking like he should i'm surprised he didn't make wise cracks about having to sterilize the white house and like get it back up to code or something like that like like he could easily slip that little dog whistle in but he didn't although i'll say this when george w um was was coming out they were uh they were tearing the w's off the fucking uh no no when he

was coming in the fucking clintons tore the goddamn w's off every fucking keyboard which is an easy key cap to you know we just need a bunch of w key caps right but still shitty right yeah no that's funny that's a funny little joke um yeah trump's uh trump's a real enigma i would look we were we were talking before the show, I guess Kanye is going to run, and we were talking about the Trump-Kanye ticket. I want to see that in my alternate universe.

I want to see them become leaders of the world together. Yeah, let's roll the dice, man. Maybe that fusion, maybe it's good. Maybe they come up with good ideas. Can you imagine if kanye became president of the united states like like there's a clear path for him to do it and it's laughable of course but like kanye west could very easily become president united states it requires two weird things to happen every fucking basketball game has one every fucking like every election has one

we just need two in a row we need need him to pick Kanye and them to win. Those are the two weird things. It's two steps. Two steps, pick Kanye and win. Yeah. I don't think he's going to pick Kanye. I don't either. Kanye's not second fiddle.

The question is, will ye pick Trump? Will ye? I think it's yay, but they're both made up i'm not sure yeah kanye west oh you're right kyle are you right yeah it is yay because like kanye but it's spelled ye yeah so yay instead it'd be two e's it's not y e a h but it's not y e either like yeehaw like y e a would be ye right like yeehaw something like that anyway it's yay i fucking promise you yes it is yeah so i don't think that will happen i think he's probably not gonna run but i think he'll sell hats that say Kanye 2024.

I'm going to buy one. I'm going to buy one. If he runs, Kyle, I'll vote in your name. Vote for Kanye. Illegally. Hey, everybody who wants to vote for me, I want your vote to go to Ye. Okay? A vote for Ye is a vote for Kyle in in my book you just tell me i'll be your

your humble vote merch write it in it should be a vote for ye is a vote for me hey here to hear folks if you vote for ye you're voting for woody and if you vote for yay you're voting you're voting for me for me for me you're voting for me just really fucking forcing it man I would love a debate with with Kanye and then like a normal

no muting With Kanye and then a normal call. No muting. Can Kanye speak coherently? Oh yeah. He can. He's a musician. You know that podcast that he got in all the trouble on? The one where he said all the stuff?

If you upload that now to Google Drive, Google Drive says it's against their services. They auto-det detect it and they remove it from their file holding service they won't allow that file to exist on a google drive that is fucking bizarre i watch a podcast it's an it's a news podcast politics mostly but anyway they play other clips and avoid copyright and it's like you can hear the people talking faster than talking slower and then talking faster than talking slower. And like the image is like mirrored and then unmirrored. And I'm like, they have fucking with this footage. But it works like you can watch a video as it goes faster and slower and avoid the detection software for now.

For now, they smack that down that is so annoying i'm glad that you gotta stay a step ahead of big brother though i i'm really they were talking about the facial recognition software and how that was going to be a really big problem going forward but they've got those masks that completely disable it i think there's sunglasses or something literally any mask no no no no no there's like like inconspicuous. If you wear a fucking like balaclava or whatever, people are going to take note. But there are some like really small masks that like completely disable the AI I've seen. Apple updated their phones. So the facial unlock works with them like a COVID mask.

Interesting. So now it's not using lip and nose data i guess it can overlook lip and nose data in the year you'd think but i think so and i mean for i don't know like or does it use like 97 points around your eyes and that's secure enough i'm making this up i'm not sure i've never used facial recognition on my phone actually i've that it's because i've never had a phone nice enough that had that as a feature mine has it it's nice because because when the notifications pop up they're all like you know you got a facebook message and you don't know what it says and then when i look at it my phone's like oh it's you it's cool and then it tells me what it says in the preview that's pretty cool yeah i want to get a new phone i do too

years i'm thinking of the iphone 14 it has a feature i care about like it i think i'm gonna fuck this up it has some sort of satellite phone capability built into it it definitely has sos so if you're hypothetically in the middle of a desert with a broken leg you can use your iphone to call for a medevac it's good for you it also has that crash detection so if you're going fast and you suddenly you pull some g's all of a sudden they they calls 9-1-1 for you i think is essentially how it probably works um so that's a good feature for you too and it has a tremendous camera i was thinking about getting one too but the that um mostly because of the airpod situation because i want to stick them on my dogs so i can track those cocksuckers when they run away so you can just put an airpod

on the dog's collar yeah i'm fucking up what is the earphone called the airpod but oh the what he said it right i think okay this is what i'm thinking of air but don't they have like air buds is a good movie i don't even know what they're called what the fuck is he what i'm talking about the fucking searching device i don't have an apple so i don't know exactly whatever those little pucks that you put everywhere and you track stuff with no i i want one of those for my dogs they make them for the car they make like collars that they pop right into they're made to hold those so i want air tag yeah i want to be able to uh so i've been thinking about getting an iphone for that purpose i looked at the android equivalent and maybe google's gotten so bad it's hard to like use it anymore it doesn't work great

you get so many like advertisements sent to you. I'm trying to learn, and it's trying to market, and the two don't work too well. It seems like the Android equivalent have monthly fees for the little device. I don't want to get into a whole thing where this thing has to

have its own line with a monthly fee. I want to pay one bill and be able to track these little pucks on my goddamn dog in case it runs away dogs got so fucking big i like that you made it singular like like you have one dog you love and one dog who doesn't know i would get like a four pack or something like i get a goddamn i put a tag on the dog and i'd like to have one like to throw in your luggage on a trip like that would be good to have. I've seen many cases where you go to the airline and they're like,

yeah, we don't know where your bag is. And they're like, well, I do. It's right fucking behind you. So go in that little room, 12 feet behind you.

See right here and get the one that flashes. And then they, they have to like, go get their, get your shit. So it's clearly like, I wonder if you're allowed to track your own shit yeah i don't know suck my dick delta like i'm tracking my own bag

yeah why wouldn't they let you track your own bag i'm stuck on unrelated stuff like if you give your phone to apple for repair they make you turn off all the tracking stuff. You don't get to know where your phone is or find it. Probably because you can piggyback that stuff with some other stuff that would be dangerous for them. I'm guessing. I don't know. In any case, I want some air tags for my goddamn dog because every now and then he runs away

like it's hilarious. Your dog is like 50 pounds now. Toby of toby the little puppy he is getting really big he's probably legitimately he's 110 days old or so and he's like 30 or 40 pounds he's already getting to be a big dog he eats three full soup bowls of food a day i uh like he eats way more than uh like a grown man eats and he's 50 something pounds and not 50 there's no way he's 50 he's like 30 he looks big because he's uh yeah he's got this big jug head he's gonna keep growing into that giant jug head yeah i love it he's he's so cuddly and cute like like he gets on the couch and like he wants to like he like drives his nose like into my armpit he wants to be like that close to me he's

like fucking hold me he's uh he's great love that dog but i want to make sure i can track him if some dog nappers try to take him or something it's a good idea this is bad but like some nights i i'm in bed right my ender giant great, giant Great Dane, comes up and he puts his head right on my chest, like in this spot right here. And he's so warm and so snuggly and he just puts his chin on me right here. And that's the spot Jackie wants to be.

And I'm like, eh, wish there was something I could do. She's like, are you choosing Ender? I'm like, well, I don't like your phrasing, but yeah. It's like, yeah, he's an eight-year-old Great Dane. Give him this. This might be his last cuddle. Yeah, and he's going to the steaks-only diet. You bet your ass we're giving him a great last bit.

The other one's overlived she's like 10 years old and great danes don't live that long she's so thin you can see her bone structure it's like harley i will buy you extra food if you just eat it but she's on her last leg she looks like she's gonna die her teeth okay sometimes they won't eat their teeth or bad. I think they are fine. Yeah. Aside from being super skinny, she doesn't seem to be in any pain. She's incontinent sometimes, which is awful.

It's a lot of piss. Do you murder a dog for that, though? We don't. Don't say murder. Yeah, I gotta murder the dog. I was gonna use the leather man kill it looks like it's the saw god damn it stop moving around you're lucky you're not a chicken he's in the flathead like it's a prison like i put my dog down with 48 shallow stab wounds

i got her in the shower she didn't have an idea what was going on yeah i don't know um i i will say like whenever my one thing that i've gotten my dogs to eat their dry food um so much better and they fucking love it and it was cheap to do um i get unsalted beef broth it's two dollars and thirty cents for like a quart and i just pour enough on their food to make it wet like cereal and let it get like a little bit soggy and they fucking love it now they think it's caviar they just have a meltdown over it good that's a smart kind thing improves their quality of life a lot yeah they get a they get kibble soup and i microwave it and throw in that expensive hell um fresh fresh pet food and mix it in there and every now and then i go to the deli and i get like a pound of white

meat chicken and i like shred that up in there they love that shit i love that shit i have a good time over here colin like peanut butter sandwiches and we cut off the crust and they'll be happy with that. We don't want to spoil it. The dogs get the crust? Yeah. Nice. Now at this point, if they smell and hear

the peanut butter sandwich being made, they're in the kitchen waiting for the drop-offs. I was hoping for the peanut butter. Just crust. The crust got some peanut butter in there fair enough I'm so glad I got those dogs the Malamute has gained so much

weight he was like super skin and bones when I got him his head that's why he looks so derpy in that picture his head is so much bigger than the rest of him that's one of the reasons maybe but he's gained a bunch of weight. I was talking to someone and I was like, Kyle got dogs and they're like, oh, really? And I'm like, no,

you don't know. Kyle's a great dog owner. Kyle, he's had dogs since he was born. He's been around dogs. He has a lot of love for dogs. He'll do this great. Yeah, we have a good time. I take care of those guys. We get in the car and go for little rides. get and also you don't work full time and leave them like that no we're all day dogs don't love yeah those those dogs are not in an empty home

yeah no those dogs are with me all day there's a dog bed like here like like like like these dogs right all the time yeah they got lucky as fuck oh yeah it's a 24-7 owner look this is a dog whistle that looks that looks really cool man you're muted i don't know why but oh no it must have muted when you did the dog whistle. Don't do that. People are driving in their car. They're going to hate it. My dick, it's my dog whistle. Here, let me adjust it.

Hang on. I don't like it either. Yeah, there you go. Now it's silent. Yeah, wow. Did you fool me? Yeah, yeah it was easy wasn't it um yeah um uh yeah i i'm trying you did a fake blow like yeah with the obviousness of a mime like and woody's like holy shit kyle's got some of that magic rope and the mind freak hold john cena on you what is the guy that they're hoping for out there where they're like

pulling their thumb off i used to always watch that one where he'd be like, just asking random people to pick out a card and then he'd throw the deck of cards at like a delicatessen window. And then there would be a card sticking back. And it's like, you, you,

it's very clearly, you just had the guy sitting there right next to the window, like put it on. Yeah. Like, and people would be blown away. And I was like, the basic hand movements are way more impressive than like that because that's just a guy on the inside

who put up a sticker while he wasn't he mixed the two though like like here's he'd do that thing you're talking about he'd throw it sometimes it was magic you're right he threw it a big plate glass and the card would be on the other fucking side of the glass and clearly somebody put it there or like it was there the whole time and the camera just whipped to it right but then he'd go up and he'd pull the card through the plate glass somehow and it'd be like god damn it how'd you do that i don't know how you did the second part those are the tricks i like where you're like all right dude i've seen this one before it's either up your sleeve or behind you know it's behind your hand it's on this side and you're like grabbing like all right i've seen this before and oh shit where'd that woman come from like i like when they give away other magician secrets

but really they've taken that trick and multiplied it by three and and they only gave away like the basic shit that other people do yeah yeah that's a really interesting little little world i bet the the world of stage magicians like clearly it's got to be a very small close-knit community of people who are into this and you've got to get blackballed so quickly if you if you like copy somebody's shit or steal somebody's shit i was thinking the other day about that bass fisherman who was stuffing the fish with lead weights and some people were like acting like that was no big deal i'm like you don't understand that guy's life's over that guy's life's over almost to the level that a pedophile's life is over when he gets found out this guy now this guy was a celebrity professional i'll say athlete

who had fans friends and wealth and privilege and success and all of that has been taken away and he has the antithesis of that now he is hated maligned abandoned and and and found out and now there's criminal charges too they're taking back all the shitties he won are there they should yes they i saw cheated the other day they're like added like cops are at his house i think they were repoing stuff or maybe like maybe there's like criminal charges You can use steroids in the UFC and all you get is a time out for like six months. You get in the fucking Hall of Fame.

Yeah, that too. But you put weights in a fish. Somehow that seems like a more assured level of cheat. Like it's worse. Yeah, it would be the equivalent of hurting your opponent in the UFCfc out of the ring or something it's like whoa whoa whoa you're not even you didn't use fancy bait it's

not like you used fancy bait it's not like you used an illegal rig like i'm talking about like a fishing rig your rod wasn't out of spec you didn't use stimulants so you could fish longer than somebody else no you put fucking lead in a fish you didn't even bring fake fish you didn't use stimulants so you could fish longer than somebody else. No. You put fucking lead in a fish. You didn't even bring fake fish. You put lead in a goddamn fish. I read. I don't know what's true, but I read that he bought those fish and put them in the water for him to collect later. He bought fish fillets of the same kind from the store and then stuffed fish fillets with the,

the fish he caught and put them in the lake. And then he drove around with his boat and collected the pre-weighted fish and pass them off as just caught. Just the laziest thing to do. Uh, and to be like that, to be that arrogant, it's, it's creative.

It's a genius. It's a businessman doing business taylor i wish you'd stop maligning him yeah but if i like the amount the amount of weight that he added to it was hilarious did you see like the group of fish there was like 37 pounds like it wasn't even realistic it's like playing for second place it's like i'm in a deer competition and i'm like and like how much is your deer weight? And he's like, it's a huge one, 182 pounds. And I'm like, that's wild, man.

I shot a deer also. 700. It's 700 pounds. No, don't lift it out of the water. Its feet aren't cast in concrete. They're not. I want to show up with a deer head. It's like a 192 point buck and it's

clearly just like tons of antlers together i use the old molten lead trick yeah that guy's tree of antlers that guy like that guy doesn't have any friends anymore because his friends were his fishing friends it's the community that he was not just a part of but a leader in probably he's one of the well known guys I never got into that shit but I knew guys

who did it and whose dads did it they had the fancy boats and all the rods and they went to the tournaments and they all aspired to do what this guy did. They're like, like, man,

I just love fishing. You know, it's, it's, it's that thing that's there. I just can't seem to catch 93 pound bass. Like everybody wants all these, everybody who fishes for fun kind of wants to go pro a little bit.

If they're bass fishers in the South, cause it's like, holy shit, you can get paid to fish? It's like crazy talk, right? It's the thing they sneak away from work to do. And here's this guy who, like, he had it. Not only that, he was like the champ. And now he's got nothing. That guy's...

I bet that guy kills himself. That guy's going to kill himself. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. It slides out. What's he going to do? He's not that famous.

He could just restart life. But it won't be a good life. He'll never be. He had it. It won't be anything like that life. He won't be able to be in the world of fishing. He can't compete in anything anymore. That guy shows up at a fucking Halo tournament.

I'm calling him out. Let's crack open this kid's rig. Let's see what we got in here. This PC's got fish fillets in it. He can't get a fuck. He couldn't go in a bass fishing video game tournament now. He's fucked, dude. His whole life's over.

He can't go join the hunting community. They know. They'll be like, ain't you that failure done put land in those fish? They'll figure it out. Yeah, he'd be cheating at that too. My dad's been hunting this year, I guess. I talked to him yesterday. He was like, yeah, I'm out

here with a rifle. Heard there's a big deer around here. Everybody's been looking for him. They're on the they're on the lookout for some uh apparently large buck who's been roaming the area so ever it's it's rough when you're a big deer in the south because all the farmers start talking shit they're like yeah we seen him yesterday he was over in that field you're getting called out like in call of duty ah he's in the window third floor he's got an ak behind behind behind turn around to kill it yeah yeah farmers are like that they're giving call outs to each

other so he's out in the field waiting with the rifle tonight i hope your dad gets it i hope you know he gets the bragging rights of being the the guy who takes it down i do too i do too yeah he hasn't killed one in a while he hasn't uh he hasn't really hunted well we haven't hunted since since i was a kid really like like hardcore into it um i think we both kind of got our fill of it in about a three-year period of just going really really hard at it and being real successful at it if it was like more active deer hunting would be a great time crow hunting is hunting sitting and waiting yeah i don't know how to shoot a bow like i don't know how to shoot like a compound hunting bow

shotgun um that's what i was saying like like um you would like crow hunting a lot because that's a you you go you get there early morning and play a caller and they come and you shoot them and fuck them up and then you just like bounce to a new spot and repeat the thing you're like driving around getting out like like anytime we would we would drive around look for pecan orchards or just crows and we pull over to a house and be like hey do you live here yep you own that yep we shoot those crows yeah can we watch yep and like like we would ride around like all morning like that like like growing up like me and my cousin as soon as i started killing crows yeah it's a ton of fun it like like it's it's hunting you know it's it's like dove hunting or anything else they're uh they're very smart they're very

wily you have to use that collar if they come in and spot you and you miss your shot they'll go back and talk shit and they'll stop coming like they have enough language that they can warn each other about people and they won't show up. The first crow that comes is the smart crow anyway. He comes and scouts things out. Yeah, because you're playing a tape of either a crow fighting a hawk or a crow being killed. So the lead crow is scouting things out for the murder,

and he flies back and is like, yeah, come on, we need help. That hawk's kicking bill's ass but so but if you smoke him and he never comes back all they hear is a fight they think that he's in the fight now so they just keep coming two or three at a time you just pick them all off a lot of fun i mean that does seem kind of fun but like a big part of hunting in like what i would what i want out of it is that I can eat what I shoot. Every now and then you catch one alive. You're not supposed to eat crows because that's gross.

You wound one. You can wound a crow. You can take him alive and you can make him talk. You shake him a little. You shake him a little. And then they'll hear that and they'll want to come help him out a little more. Do you ever fry up some crow, crowbrows? Every Sunday evening.

Have ourselves a big crow crow fry it's the crow it's tearing up my insides oh i shouldn't eat that crow jolly oh i murdered that crow now he's eating up my insides no i never ate crow uh literally i i've eaten a lot of metaphorical crow um but i've never eaten any literal crow. That just seemed like a bad idea. The saying alone kept us away from it. It's probably not that bad.

I mean, there must be... Do they just have more parasites than other birds? Some birds just have big, juicy breasts that are tasty to eat. Maybe the crow doesn't. I don't know. I feel bad because they're so intelligent at this point. Because they're really intelligent. i didn't care as a kid and even as a like younger man i suppose but now i'd kind of feel bad shooting one that's why what i really want to hunt

is a scary bear i want to kill a fucking bear because fuck them i don't feel sorry for them at all when i see those grizzly bears on, I don't care if it's a cub or the mama, kill them all. They need to die. We shouldn't let those live in our world. They shouldn't live in our world with us. So I really want to kill one. I don't care if I use a black powder gun or a bow. What I would

love, love, love is to use like a ballista or something. Like one of those giant crossbows that you have to like mount on something and i'd like to chase a bear down on like an atv with a medieval ballista on the front yeah like we're talking about like a thousand draw pounds right we have to winch this thing we have the electric winch on the atv to conquer back and it's gonna shoot shoot like ballistas something the size of a broomstick you like yeah

imagine like a broomstick that's weighted and heavy right with a nice warhead on the front big broadhead and you're in armor because you are hunting a bear you need to be so i'm naked i'm wearing a loincloth for this at this loose yeah and i fucking get another gear and we keep going like we gotta get the cubs too it punches like a railway spike-sized hole straight through the bear i that's one thing i really haven't wanted to do um is uh is kill a bear uh like one way or another i don't want to kill a black bear i want to kill a grizzly bear yeah black bears are like they don't really want to mess with you they're pretty raccoons yeah big raccoons you should get like just kill a grizzly bear with a record because like there are ones that they know about where they're like there's a big grizzly that killed some kid at a

zoo park yeah there's one here at the atlanta zoo i've been scoping him out for a while they call him big joe all right and uh i see them feeding him and he loving him up, acting like he. No, no, no, no, no. I can. I look at that bear's eyes. I see hate. Yeah. I've been throwing him. I've been throwing him small amounts of heavy metals for the last few weeks. I'm playing the long game.

Mercury poisoning. Dog food soaked in antifreeze. Poisoning bears at the zoo. This has been poisoning bears at the zoo. What a hilarious reason to go to jail. Yeah. Not at the Atlanta Zoo, though been poisoned bears at the zoo. What a hilarious reason to go to jail. Yeah. Not at the Atlanta Zoo, though. I'll tell you this.

It's the safest zoo in America. You know why? Why? Because we allow concealed carry there. Nowhere else. There was a big to-do. There was even a legal case, I think. And the zoo lost.

The zoo lost. Clearly. Because now you can pack heat at the atlanta zoo it just seems like a good idea to me frankly what do you think the most likely thing to need shooting at the zoo is some kind of cat another human a big cat uh bear i bet if a big cat out, I bet it's a real fucking problem. I think I agree with you, but I think the more likely scenario to actually happen would be if somebody had fallen into an enclosure, right? And that's the monkeys. So whether the monkey or gorilla or whatever

is actually going to hurt them, you get a Harambe situation, right? Where the kid's too close to that gorilla or that gorilla's too close to that kid and they shoot him. Why did dicks out for harambe become a thing like what was that our reaction to well like we all felt bad that they they murdered that that gorilla and we just had to get our dicks out man it was the only it just felt right you know, when you're right, you're right. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

It never works. It never works. No more gorillas have been killed. I remember Dicks Out for Princess Diana. That was a failure. That was a failure. Dicks Out for Princess Diana. Yeah.

No traction on social media. You know what worked? Dicks Out for Kevin Spacey. It was Dicks Out. He felt good about that. Yeah. Dicks Out for Harvey Weinstein. They had some good ones. It's called Dying? Dicks out for Kevin Spacey. He felt good about Thurton. Yeah. Dicks out for Harvey Weinstein. They had some good ones. It's called dying for dicks. I mean, I think that the big cats... That was really what Louis C.K. was doing.

Louis C.K. innocently masturbated on the phone after asking people for permission. No, no, no. In person. In person, too, but he was asking for permission. He was like do you want me can i beat off in front of you and then they were like yeah and he's like okay and yeah i i look we've been we've done this ad nauseum but but what he did was fine anyway it

was fine and i bet it was funny i bet it was funny i bet he had i've heard that it was funny yeah if louis ck asked me can i jack off in front of you i'd say yes do you have any new material yeah i would say i would say yes as but could you get me some tickets yes and i think i think he'd be nice enough that he would give you tickets without even being asked yeah oh i it would say for somebody like that it's gonna be so easy to get you tickets right like like it's just like oh yeah he's the entertainer, right? Like, it's just like, oh, yeah. He's the entertainer. Yeah, this guy right here that I just jerked off on.

Yeah, he gets right here, and his lady wants to be right there. Sorry, man, if you had to see all that. You know? You know, he'd throw me right in the front row. You know? Yeah. Can I get free tickets, and do you have maybe like a clean T-shirt? He's literally going, ah!

You think I'm going to watch this thing from six feet away what i will not have is a gallagher like performance from louis ck rest in peace by the way i died this week didn't have him on the pool um where i have to throw on like some plastic tarping or some goggles uh i need more than tickets if that's the route we're going to be. Yeah, tickets and a t-shirt. You're going to have to throw me in one of those movies like Adam Sandler style, and not one of yours because they don't do well enough.

One of your more successful friends movies. That's what you're going to have to do. Louis C.K. was making these not funny downer things. Yeah, talk to your buddy Buscemi. Get me in something real. Buscemi was in that downer of a show that Louis C.K. had that just felt like sad old men in a bar having genuine conversations.

Yeah, it wasn't very funny at all. Yeah, he wasn't going for funny. He hit his mark. Afterwards, I just felt emotionally poor yeah i was like you know i watched you to laugh like that's what i want out of you is you're a very funny man not this but yeah he's he's got connections with everyone ricky gervais he put him in a better show ricky knows how to make great shows ricky gervais has so many good connections with HBO. That would be a great guy to know. I feel like if him and that Stephen Merchant guy

want a show, they're like, HBO, have another. What's he been in? I can't... I think if Ricky Gervais is the guy that hosted award shows, I can't think of what he's been in. Him and Stephen Merchant like half a dozen hbo shows over

there that are smaller shows steven merchant has his own show even though like i think i'm the only one here who knows who steven no i know he's on the carl i mean like like our listeners i bet none of them fucking know who that is and like like it just seems like he's got so much pull from that like producer gig from the office with nbc and and their and all their people and also clearly with hbo because he's had a bunch of hbo hits i guess wait louis ck was involved in the office or ricky gervais gervais yeah i'm sorry yeah he made the original he was in the original one yeah and i think that like he did have a bit we produce the

american one also he's the producer right like didn't he produce the heaven knows what a producer really does they get fucking paid off the top is what they what they do and yeah they're in this case i could do that he'd be the maybe the major creative like like voice behind the thing i thought he produced the original uk office as well as starred in it i remember when i asked that guess what a producer does i remember that guest was was like bottom three guests in my opinion we've i don't mean as far as quality like he was fine i hated that cocksucker so much god i hated that fucking guy and i don't mean that gay way i don't think he actually sucks dick or anything i just think he's a piece of shit and i don't care if he does suck dick i would much rather have...

The guy was awful. The guy was awful. He was so scatterbrained and all over the place. He wouldn't answer any of the questions. And I watched his piece of shit TV show up until like... I saw the whole thing. Jackie and I watched it together. Bridge too far for me.

I got to the point where he's in it as the mastermind. And I was like, okay, buddy. I didn't know you were an asshole and a retard. I turned it off after that. An asshole I could deal with, but a retarded asshole. Get out of here. That guy was the worst. It's hard to be a producer.

What do you do? Oh, well, I don't know. It's like, well, we need something. That would have been a better answer than what he gave, right? It is a talk show. it's like well we need we need that would have been a better answer than what he gave right it is a talk show he can't hold around for five minutes like autistically about nonsense and then we were still like so again as a producer what would it what would you say you do and then he came around for a day i feel like adding that tells people to describe their day and like what

they really do that puts people in a corner all those people who have made up like twitter jobs or whatever it's like they're like well i mean on a given day i don't know they start like bullshitting around well we mean like today they have to ask about which day we want to break down all of a sudden because if you were a fucking chicken farmer i'll tell you what you'd be well, I get up real early. I have to get breakfast in a big one because I'm going to need my energy. Then I have to work hard until noon. I'll start out and you'd know exactly. First, I check this to make sure everything hasn't, I haven't lost my entire net worth last night. All right, we're good. Nothing's on fire. Nothing is flooded.

You'd know what you did as an accountant. I bet you know what your day is. First, I drink this coffee. I check this thing on my emails. Any job we've ever done at anything, you know how you're... This guy is like, which day? Like a Tuesday? I like to have some fruit. I tried to ask him why

it took... That show took a super long time to make. I forget if it was six years or 12 years or whatever. A decade or so. And I was like, how can it take that long? How can I think? I was like, were you actually doing things on it?

And I still don't remember my answer. But if I told you I had been mowing my yard for the last seven and a half years, you'd say, uh, uh, uh, uh, it's not a seven and a half year job it can't take that long yeah yeah see with something like this i could understand if you told me well look i i had the outline in college i had the outline in college um i i basically had it finished written after two years after that a partner of mine we finished the writing but man getting funding for this thing

was a thing and that took about six years but the problem was to get the funding there were some rewrites that took another couple we had to hire some more people on and finding people who would sign on our project this late in the I just made up a better answer than he could fucking come up with after 15 fucking minutes

oh my god it was infuriating and there was that one part where I was like dude if you don't want to talk about your shit I just made up a better answer than he could fucking come up with after 15 fucking minutes. Oh, my God. It was infuriating. And there was that one part where I was like, dude, if you don't want to talk about your shit, frankly, neither do I. Just let us know. You're like, I'm trying here. I'm talking about your show and things that we think you're interested in. I complimented you. I compared you to Graham Stokum's Dracula.

I'm going to fuck that up a little bit. You're like, we're trying to stay in your wheelhouse. You can't hit it back. You asked us if we like playing video games. The fuck? That guy was weird. I generally don't tear down our guests, but if he came on here trying to be a bad guest, he couldn't have done that more. He might have been. Did we get trolled that could have been i'm almost willing to accept that like that being

trolled is more likely than him being genuinely like that yeah because there were times i just remember how often you would ask like so tell me what what's it like the communication between the writers and the people who end up making the visual effects and he'd be like there's a lot and that that would be you remember that 15 seconds of pregnant pause and then no answer because you you for the first five seconds you're like like, oh, he's kind of pensive. He's thinking he's formulating what he wants to say. And then over the next five seconds, you're like, oh, no, no, he isn't. No, he is not. He is like staring at me like someone in a video game when I need to hit X to move on to the next topic.

Like, don't NPC me, man. Like, give me something here. I hate standing there wiggling a little in the wind. We had a lost episode. What was the guy's name from Arrested Development that we had? Oh, the Asian fellow. Brandon? Was it Brandon?

I don't remember. I remember him having a non-Asian name. What was his Arrested Development name? Aang? Oh. He was like the adopted brother or something i've never seen the rest of development so he you know i probably should it's got a lot of people i like in it justin lee i think was his name and um oh he played an and young yeah he was in the like the

it was like they had like a not a remake but like a revival of that show right and he was in that i think and he was maybe i don't know he seemed he seemed real big on himself and he was that was the big thing that was my takeaway from him i i like i i half jokingly asked if like girls and hangers-on just try to use his celebrity. And he's like, I'm more famous than him. And he was like, yeah. Yeah, it was... I remember

that, yeah. What's it like... Woody's mocking him to his face. What's it like being a big deal celebrity when you can't walk the streets without pussy dripping on your fancy ass fly shoes that you probably wear and he's just like man i got some new shit keeps that pussy juice right off my fancy shoes like he just he just acted like that really was his lifestyle meanwhile like like

not like seriously what he's way more famous than that guy none of you know who we're describing right now out there listening. Granted, you are our audience, but go poll somebody on the fucking street and they're not going to know who this guy is. But he was annoying. But it wasn't just that he thought

he was fancy. He was just an annoying guy. We've had a few guests that turned out to be pieces of shit. But by and large, we have good guests here, I think. I'm just sad we didn't get Slush Puppy tonight. I wanted to talk to him. I like him yeah he's a great guy he's funny yeah that guy's got such a great personality um he's just so uh i don't know kind of a free spirit and he doesn't recoil in horror when we try to sell cum pills no i i think down there they're a little bit uh they haven't gotten as PC as we have. And I think

they're still a little rough around the edges in the southern hemisphere. You guys still lifting weights? You being regular in the gym or no? Yeah. I've been being regular. I was thinking about buying another piece of equipment, but I'm not sure if I want to...

What are you looking at? Maybe a functional trainer. I don't know. Have you ever thought about getting rid of the rack and getting something with a functional trainer built in? I wondered if I'd have gone that way if I started from

scratch. Those look cluttered to me every time. The idea is great, this one-stop shop, but when i see it in practice it's like whoa that's a lot of pulleys wheels attachments cables knobs bars and so if i want to change from squats to pull downs what do i have to do oh it does it for me i just start the ducati up a remote control to her oh i could be wrong i think every cable in was ready to use you just attach a pulley on it and you do your

flies you go to the back center thing and you start doing your I just saw I was thinking like I saw on YouTube some guys fancy I don't remember what brand it was but he had like it was a full cage but it also had like all of the functional training

stuff as well and it just seemed a little cluttered. I don't know. I think that was it. He had bad experience with them. This might have been a $12,000 thing he had in front of him. And he was like, look, the

paint's chipped. They didn't even spray this part. They couldn't paint it? It reminds me of um the scar magazines you know the assault rifle the scar like they paint those guns and their magazines with the magazine inserted that's not cool so you pull it out and it's it's missing paint and and like like i've never looked into that to see if there's a reason for that but i just remember my buddy was about to buy one back you know eight years ago or something like he's like you're about to buy that scar like which one the the you know he's oh i'll get the heavy boy

getting that 308 and this is like a three thousand dollar gun or something like that and he's gonna put like two or three more thousand worth of shit on and he's like only thing is why couldn't they paint my fucking magazine man you know what wouldn't go in right uh that's it seems like it would yeah um they just put the mag in and paint it that's um that would be on a 17 because that's five five six um but uh the and it's also not a scar magazine but um that is a magazine that's been painted all right i i would have made the same mistake i'll cut up this poor saxon's leg i can't tell if it's he types car okay i believe you um what's he gonna say the i like my function i like my gear i the chip and stuff like that i like that stuff there are um my bars where i put them on the j hooks are little worn and the j hooks are scratched and i'm very proud of that every one of those scratches was earned that happens when you use the equipment like i don't i don't like it to look new i like it

you know i aspire to look like someone who's picked up some heavy shit and my equipment should look like it's not brand new. Yeah, I feel you. I think his shit came. That's what I don't want though. I want to put my own marks on it. You're right. There's plenty of things that you want to be worn. It shows that you use it like...

I don't know. My knives. Your trailer hitch receiver. Sure. You can look at my kitchen knives and tell they've been sharpened many a time. They've been honed down a few times. I got out of hand one time with my fancy

ass knife and chopping a turkey and fucked the blades all up. I had to take it to a goddamn professional to get it fixed. Oh, did you? Because they were knocked. What were you doing to the turkey? I thought this big ass German chef's knife could chop through a turkey leg. Yeah, I thought you could chop through a turkey leg with it.

And like the third whack and it hasn't gone through it. I get that I'm supposed to have like a meat cleaver, but I don't own a meat cleaver. I could have made that mistake. Taylor's laughing at you, but I didn't know any better. No, no, it's just i was imagining on the third smack like i'm like i'm with kyle i gotta hack it a little bit yeah it was a bone like i tried to like force through the bone but you know it's a bone and i remembered every movie you know how bad was the nick in it like bad enough that it's cosmetic like cosmetic where like i didn't like

the way it looked though it like nicked into it because it was already like a razor sharp knife there's a chunk missing like a chip like a nick in the blade part of the blade somewhere I mean just a little piece

his turkey's got some iron in it I can sharpen I'm a decent sharpener i had to get good at it for woodworking i've been sharpening knives lately and they're a little most of the woodworking stuff i sharpened was straight right so it was chisels and planes mostly and they have a really straight blade and it takes less skill a knife on the other hand is often arced like there's a curve to it so there's a different technique in the way you slide it across the stone i'm newer to it but i'm getting it do you use like like those setups where it's like start with this stone and then you do a higher grit and then this and then like a so you have

that whole thing i have wet stones oil stones i'm using diamond stones lately and strop and how do you i bought this amazon sharpener like years ago because i was like it was just one that you like hold me like drag the knife through it and like i threw away the instructions didn't know yeah and then i like used it once because i was like cutting something and the knife was shitty and i was like oh yeah that amazon thing and like i started going like like trying to do it and like i guess i did it wrong or something because it destroyed the entire blade like it i don't know if it was a crappy sharpener or if i just like went in too hard but like i think that i've never had luck with that stylish after a couple it was like oh

all right well this is going in the garbage like i can't the knife i mean like i couldn't sharpen the knife anymore do you uh do couldn't sharpen the knife anymore. Do you find the angle with just your hand? Or do you have one of those little plastic things that lock onto the side of the blade that it rides? So both. I have the plastic thing that you're thinking of. I think mine's metal. But I don't use it anymore.

Now I kind of have a knack for putting the blade on the stone and feeling for when I have the factory angle. And then I use my thumbs to maintain that angle as I push across the stone. Yeah. And with a chisel, that's like training wheels because like, I wish I could describe it well, but you, you sort of, you know, put it on the factory angle and you're like, boom, it's locked into that place. And anything else is you're tipping on one of the two edges yeah so then you just push it on that and then a knife is like a harder place to start to learn that skill than a chisel yeah i i might not be the best at getting like you said this curved part of the blade out here i try to i try to i just change angles and try to hit it flush but like um i definitely am really good at getting

this thing done i've got a similar thing to you guys probably the important part i think yeah i would think so like like you know when you're actually like that's where you i would i'm not a chef like you but i just think towards is it the heel that's where it happens right if i'm cutting celery i'm not using the front philia so here's a smarmymy thing about the difference between a chef and a cook that I heard the other day. I don't remember where. But a chef, supposedly, is he's the guy who runs the kitchen. He's got cooks that work for him. Oh.

And a cook prepares food. A chef is like a plant manager. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He's a kitchen manager. It's manufacturing, basically. They're manufacturing meals, and he's running a small company sort of thing, exactly. He's a kitchen manager. It's manufacturing, basically. They're manufacturing meals, and he's running

a small company sort of thing, managing. Chefs are cooking. They're back there. I've watched The Muppets. That dude definitely cooks. I've watched all those Gordon Ramsay shows. He cooks. He's a chef.

I know that in Sweden, that chef cooks. I'm not sure of that. They make chef they make meatballs positive only make one thing i only know that reference from adulthood i did not watch that show as a child i have no no i have no childhood knowledge of that show i'm old enough to have worshiped that show as a child i'm old enough that I would ask my mom for confirmation on which ones were Muppets and which ones were humans. I was a

little retarded when I watched that show. No, that's Big Bird. That's a different show. Which one are even confusing? The ones in the balcony. They're all very obviously puppets. The ones in the balcony that would just

criticize the show? Yeah. You could see their hands on strings, though, at the end of every bit, because they'd be like, this is worse than dinner last night. You wouldn't say that with your wife gulping it. Oh!

Bring their hands up and shake them around. I know. they'd be like this is worse than dinner last night you wouldn't say that with your wife yeah i remember uh i wasn't as into the muppets as sesame street i loved sesame street just their their whole community loved it mr rogers Rogers, I was all about that. It was so calming. I liked bits. I was like, oh, this is the count to 12 part. Yeah. Yes. This is my favorite animation of the world. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. I remember telling my brother to shut the fuck up every time the count would get on there.

Because I really liked it he only had one bit and it was he only had one bit every time it's like today we are going to count to two four one uh uh two uh and i remember like liking his vampire laugh and like just like telling my brother to shut up because i wanted to hear his counting. That can't be that educational. Come on. The only thing I don't understand is Oscar the Grouch. Why do we have a homeless

guy living in a trash can? Well, you need to have a little bit of realism in there. Teach kids there is danger. Then why is he green? Because he lives in garbage. Green garbage juice, right? I've never seen green garbage i don't know what color should he be man can i pick no actually i'm changing my mind you don't get to you don't get to say anything else can i pick what color the homeless man should be

no no you don't know what else is else is new? I just literally went by garbage juices. Because he's dirty. You thought he'd be brown because of dirt. And slime. Or gray. I feel like a dishwater gray. He'd have a banana peel on his head sometimes.

It was clear he was a garbage man. A man of garbage. You think he enjoyed the garbage i think that that yeah absolutely he enjoyed the garbage and and therefore you assume that that him being grouchy is a separate issue entirely i think he didn't care for the judgment he faced for his lifestyle and yet he appeared weekly on a syndicated television show. You guys are acting like Oscar the Grouch is the criminal

on the show when clearly I think those cookies didn't belong to the cookie. Oh, I thought you were going to say those two men living in sin together, Bert and Ernie. Yeah, they are living in sin. If you're going to be gay and live together, get married.

That'd be a good angle to take. That'd be a hilarious If you're gonna be gay and live together, get married. Mm-hmm. That'd be a good angle to take. That'd be a hilarious angle to take. That's my belief. I'm fine with being gay, but do it within the bounds of marriage as the Lord intended. That's what God would want. Gay sex out of wedlock is a sin.

Gay sex out of wedlock is a sin. Put a ring on it for you. You put a ring on it for you you put a ring on that man before you rim him out like a gentleman ring it and rim it just being the worst kind of person

I bet there's like 8 people in the world who feel that strongly they're so passionate about that just like some guy who's like boyfriend is coming on to him and he's like chaz not until we're married just demanding like the good book says like the good book says like the lord intended oh man you know it exists i'm sure it does i'm sure it does like hyper religious gay people who don't have sex before marriage. It seems bizarre to me, but I guess not. It does seem bizarre. But also like if they're religious, they're like, all right, God's not a fan of this gay thing. I'm going to make up for it. I'm going to I'm going to hit all my other bases. Okay. The extra righteous everywhere else to make up for the one thing that he's

I feel like you're targeting my favorite presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg right now. He absolutely is like hyper religious and gay. Is he? I didn't know he was religious. What religion? He's Christian and he's like one of the more religious

candidates I can remember which flavor of christianity though because there's a i don't know i don't know yeah you're like come on he's uh he's ice cream like i'm sorry yeah he talks about god a lot and uh he and mike pence on like who's more like who's a better christian well mike's um what would be um probably is it is it by is biden a catholic i think he says he is yeah right they're catholics like they don't take it that seriously or at least the catholics in my family don't take it very seriously at all like every catholic i know it's just a cultural thing like such a big part of the religion is that get out of jail free card and that guy who provides it it you know like like

so so why do you even need to do the rest it's like hey there's a guy downtown you give him 50 bucks and ask him for forgiveness and you're into heaven do i need to know anything else not a thing not a thing that's how it worked for a long time and uh don't ask any questions when you're talking to that guy about them kids either he's got a couple couple couple little uh little kids there what does he do with them what do you mean he's got kids there oh you know he's got them in the back they're dressed up and they got little uh little incense they're they're getting the place smelling nice for him you You know, his little bachelor pad there. His bachelor pad. Yeah, he's a single guy. He's a single guy.

Not allowed to have any women around. They don't do that. But he's got a couple kids around getting in the place smelling nice. Would Catholics be less freakazoids if they could get married? That wasn't the problem here. Of course. That's been the argument forever that if you let them have women that all of a sudden there aren't

any Catholic priests. because all of the, the pedophiles and the gays are run. I don't no longer have to hide. They can, they have no, or the, I mean, it's over.

Yeah. I don't, most of them. I saw a picture the other day and it was from, it was a painting rather from like, I don't know, 17, 1800s.

And it was at the Vatican. And it was a picture of all of the, maybe the bishops or the Cardinals with their like boy assistant and there were dozens of them out there with their boy assistants like like handed you like right next to them all every one of them had like a little boy with them with their fucking books and their fucking rulers and their dildo and shit their fucking lube and their poppers hanging around with them. I'm making the other part separate. What, he's like, really? There was dicks? Tell me more about the dildos.

Clearly what's happening there. They have built that whole, the upper part of that religion is all about a place, a bachelor pad, a cool place for gay people to hang out and be able to be gay and have lots of power and dress fabulous. That is what the Catholic religion is about. All of those like cardinal degrees. Oh, ask a Catholic. They'll confirm. Well, no.

They maintain that privileged position at the top, their gay hiding hole, by maintaining that lower class of the average Catholic. They're like, yeah, just don't forget. Give us $10 and ask for forgiveness and we're straight and again don't ask about the boys that's the catholic religion i mean that that does suck for the priests who like are all in on the it's the south park episode right really you're there to get to the bottom of this and here comes the spider queen like it's the same shit what are

we doing yeah what about the whole system yeah it's it's uh catholicism is a really odd version of things that that whole thing where you can just go talk to that guy and pay him off to get you right with god like like how does anybody believe that that's the way things should work even look like all the gods are made up but yours is like a clearly like scammy god i mean the way that like catholics like like in their doctrine my understanding and i don't know that much like is that they are like well uh christ put peter in charge of the church and so peter was the first pope the first leader of the church and he you know was in charge and like interpreted like the wishes of god to his followers or whatever and like

i i don't know if i like debated a catholic on this like i'm sure they'd win because they'd know more about like all the stuff but like the the part of the like christ coming back that was so compelling was him being like hey these these pharisees these sadducees these like priests like people that are demanding resources from you in order for you to commune with god guess what i'm fulfilling the old law. You no longer need these intermediaries. You can speak directly to God. Don't trust these charlatans, these religious leaders. And that's, of course, why the Pharisees, the Sadducees at the time wanted Christ dead so much because they were like, this guy's bad for business. We can't have this guy going around saying he's the fulfillment of this law

because then we lose a lot of influence. People are going to just bypass us and speak to God directly. No, thank you. And so obviously, or to me, it seemed like, oh, that does seem like the kind of thing Jesus would do. He's all about having a personal relationship with him, with God. Of course, it should be about you communicating directly to him, like not through an intermediary.

I won't worship a God who can't hear me when I talk to him. Yeah, or would ignore me because I don't have the right paperwork. If you're not magical enough that you can hear me when I talk, then you're not magical enough to be fucking feared, bro. We'll plot against you and take you down. We'll figure it out, some antimatter or something. Like, what are you made of? we'll figure it out some antimatter or something like what are you made of we'll figure it out bitch if you can't hear me and my thoughts and i'm not afraid of you and if you can't hear me this is a test oh lord oh merciful lord

no but for real think about that like if he can't hear you when you talk in your fucking bedroom at home then i'm not gonna worship him i'm not gonna go to a house that's made to worship him on my fucking knees and kiss his mystical ass if he can't fucking hear me when i talk but he can hear that that pleasant gay fellow who's living down at the church down the street uh if he can hear him but not me that's another bullshit religion give me the phone or whatever he's got you know and but but but well he's got magical prayers get out of here with that shit the whole confession thing has always seemed so fucking bizarre to me because like the religious i think it's a kink i don't think it's like hearing this oh i

think they're bored i think back and they want to be like taylor tell me all the people you're fucking i mean i think back in the day i'll forgive you i just want to know you see like think about like anything power being maintained requires like a firm control on that community right and so if you effectively have a church employee in the year 1100 who knows all the dirt of everyone in town, that's a natural person you're not going to cross. They have a lot of influence. I think they're just nosy. Yeah, but it's for influence. You don't create a worldwide global system because you're nosy, though.

They want, A, the dirt. Taylor's onto something there. I agree with that. They want the dirt taylor's onto something there i agree with that they want the dirt but moreover they sold the the redemption for millennia for a whole millennia you know like if you're like let's say you're um you're woody the great and you have the mercantile business here in venice and like like you know you're you're the man but you're adulterous and you go to your your priest he's like oh but you donate so much to the church. Who cares about the little adultery?

Say five hell fathers and six my mothers or whatever the fuck they say. Six mamma mia's. And also, you know, give me so many like Venetian. Six mamma mia's and ten wahoos. like venetian mamma mia's and ten wahoos you could you would buy your you would buy your uh pennants or whatever right you know you would have the money to and so you could buy your way right into heaven the the clergy sold literal tickets to heaven for hundreds of years that noblemen would go and they were like i'd like my ticket to heaven please and they're like aren't you the guy who raped his daughter i am it's gonna be well pricey pricey

yeah and it was they did that to common people like they would be like oh your your father died well he is in purgatory but with these indulgences we're offering right now for a pittance you know you could save him hundreds of years of purgatory yeah and it's like all right gov i can't read like so they're just probably just projecting like the achievement i don't want to hurt anyone with their secrets i just like knowing them because i'm nosy it's funny you say the pittance thing so like in uh in warhammer 40K Darktide, the barracks, the achievements that you do, the little nitty gritty things

that makes you do in the game to earn cosmetics and stuff. They're called pittances because the whole empire is a religion at this point. The emperor of mankind 10,000 years ago was very clear. No religions, none of them. Our God is science.

This is about progression. This is about technology. This is about working together. Since he has been gone for a few 10,000 years, he has now worshipped as the God King, God Emperor of Mankind. The entire thing is a religion

devoted to him and worshipping him. Those achievements are called pittances. You're doing your pittances. You know, oh, I got to kill a googly gawk with a whoosie what's it? Three times, you know, like stuff like that. I love that lore behind all that Warhammer 40k stuff. Like they've, we've fallen so far

that we can't create a lot of the technology and we call electronics or things that are borderline AI like smart programs, the machine spirit. Let's wake the machine spirit. You mean turning it on? Shut up.

The Ugin have had a lot of influence over time. They've fallen a long ways. I love the lore from that. It might be the most depressing and saddest sci-fi reality to live in. I think it's got to be. It's dismal.

Those people that are just dissected to their one arm and head, and then they're put in a vending machine, and their entire world is just to pick apples and give them to you? So the reason that humanity fell so far from its huge pinnacle of technology and achievement and it had become probably the most powerful of the galactic empires was AI.

Their AI was so good that it became sentient, and it became so sentient that it gained a soul. So it was actually able to be corrupted and infected by demons. So it rebelled against mankind. They had this huge war, and humanity barely won. It was all they could do just to win. And so their galactic empire, which was spread everywhere because of another thing that goes bad later on,

is cut off from one another. We can't get to those worlds that are way out there. They're cut off for the next 5,000, 6,000, 7,000 years. On those planets, if they were isolated enough that sub-light travel wouldn't allow them to get to any neighbors, the idea that they were from Earth, called Terra, is a dream. The Emperor?

Ah, that's a figment of our ancestors' imaginations. Some of them have fallen into medieval worlds. Later, there's a crusade when we get things back in hand and everybody's going out to take the worlds back over. Like, hey, you're humans you're from terra the emperor is your boss come on get with us and some resist and some say yes sir we we never forgot you uh we've been preparing this whole fucking time we knew you'd come and some of them are like we're medieval knights now and and we bow to no man.

And they're like, but there's like a billion of you, so if you guys could get with the program, here's an iPad. We bow to no man. And so there's this great story where they're going to fight them. They're going to fight the black powder planet. It's like, come under our heel, or we're going's like come under our heel or we're going to

fight you and the reason we're going to do that is because without us you're going to be raped murdered and infected by like googly-eyed eyeball worms if you're lucky because that's about as good as it gets out here you need us and we need you all of the man meat on this planet that gets thrown into that galactic rider, we need it. So there's a great story where they're just about to just have an actual battle, and one of the space marines goes to his boss, and he's like, sir, permission to provide a demonstration before we commence battle. Very well. And he just starts running toward the enemy army by himself and they're just letting

him have it with cannons and artillery and all and just a hundred thousands of men and he's just just jogs on through them and he doesn't stop when he gets to their lines he sort of like moves people and machinery out of his way and keeps on moving through the encampment through the lines now he's in the encampment where they spent the night before. They're chasing him. He's getting toward the general's tent. He's still going. He's just chugging along and

bullets and artillery and explosions. He gets there and he says, General, sir, a word. And he's, okay. He walks there and he pulls out an iPad. Not an iPad, but their iPad. And he's like, not an iPad, but their iPad. And he's like, these are the threats that we face. And he shows him like video from the worlds that have fallen of like the demons, the aliens, the tyranids, the green skins.

This is what we face and this is what we fight. This is what the emperor shields you against on a daily basis. And all we ask is that you bend the knee. Okay, we're good. We didn't know you had iPads. Lead with the space worms, man. Lead with the space worms. So it's a fascinating lore thing that I've watched dozens and dozens of hours of videos and read a couple books. And man, I still struggle to like, I don't know at all.

Telling me stories about the, about the 40 K universe. There, there, there's so many dark, awful stories. I've told you about the one where they come and they rescue the people, um, who were being force fed by these machines and cages until they were enormous bloated monstrosities. And then they were starved until they were like nothing but skin and bone. And they were carrying their own loose folded skin around so they wouldn't trip over it. Mindless husks of men. And they were being led single file to be skinned so the skins could be utilized for some awful use that they had for like lots of people's skin and they're being rescued

at the last minute and the space marine efficient and these space marines these hardcore astartes are even saying like fuck this is pretty rough shit i've seen some shit but god damn like there's that little moment it wasn't the the humans doing that to him it was aliens that captured him right i think it was needed human skin for i think it was chaos infected humans i think it was chaos marines if i remember correctly but again there's it i've read so much and listened to so much that and there's so many awful things that universe that one kind of folds into the other have you bought a book or anything like yeah yeah yeah books right oh yeah the audio books are tremendous um um i i

like those a lot but what you really need to do if you actually want to try to tackle it because the lore is 10 times deeper than lord of the rings like like imagine 10 silmarillions and and but they're but they're gosh it's kind of a living universe that a ton of people pour the story continues the story continues see i look at it and i'm like all right i've read the bible but in their bible like god is still mike is god coming back when's when's jesus coming back like that's kind of where the story is it's like he's been out he's been down and out for uh for 10 millennia like the emperor so here's a bit of story the emperor is wounded in this huge thing called the horus heresy where one of his sons rebels against him half the space marines follow him in this huge thing called the Horus Heresy, where one of his sons rebels against him.

Half the space marines follow him in this big galactic war. Their numbers are decimated. In the end, the emperor either allows himself to be wounded or becomes grievously wounded in killing his son. And so he has been sitting on this throne, the golden throne of Terra. He sits there. For 10,000 years, he has has sat there barely pieced together a husk of a man but still alive somehow on the inside using all of his mental fortitude his like psychic powers to keep shut this hole that is torn in our reality that leads to hell that horror was that hole was accidentally torn trying to like send

out a message a few years prior i I don't get into that nonsense. But he concentrates on keeping that closed because if he ever stops, if he ever actually dies or stops concentrating, then all of hell floods into Earth right there in the capital city on Terra. But he doesn't have enough psychic energy because he's wounded. wounded. So there is a whole industry of men and women who scour the million planets that make up the Imperium and look for those who are touched, those who have psychic ability of any kind. They're rounded up. They are thrown on ships. They are taken back to Terra. They are lined up 10,000 a day and taken into a room where they are killed. And their essence is used to power the Golden Throne once more to keep that thing charged up for another day. And without it, we all die. Yeesh.

And that is one of the lighter stories. But the thing is, in the books recently-ish and the last few years, the Emperor's been showing little signs of consciousness for the first time in a really long long time and like real world years as far as like writing books and novels and stuff so like he's starting to like wiggle a little and send out some like psychic stuff and um i uh like beat up some of the uh some of the chaos gods in their realm so it's a it's a real weird fascinating universe but you got to watch a YouTube video. There's a YouTube video that sums it all up in 20 minutes. There's one called Warhammer 40K Lore in 20 Minutes.

And this guy speed runs it. I think I actually watched that one. You told me about that one, and he kind of gave me a summary. And I like all the documentary style slow pans of the big artistic art they have. Like really detailed art, I should say, not artistic. Yeah. Really good artwork.

Yeah. It's a, it's good stuff. I love that shit. Baltimore and Luton. Oh, nine are the two best YouTubers, in my opinion, for lore based stuff.

Baltimore puts on a voice for his, his wonderful listeners. And he writes his own. Oh, that's fun. I like that. He writes his own stories to accompany lore. And I didn't realize he was the writer. I was

like, wait, you made that shit up? Because I'm online looking for the book. He made up this whole storyline about an orc character and it's like hours and hours of content that he's reading to you and he wrote it. And I'm looking for the book on Amazon or something.

And so is Luton. The lore is so dense that they'll want to make a video talking about, let's just say, a gun. They're talking about the bolter. This just happened. And he's like, I went to the Wikipedia

but that's not accurate. You can't go to the wiki. That's's like, I went to the Wikipedia, but that's not accurate. You can't go to the wiki. That's why it takes me weeks to make you guys a video. I had to go to these books. And he shows like, he's like, the entire imperium continuum of weaponry. Ka-kung. Because it's this nitty gritty shit

while they're trying to figure out what's inside the bullets that come out of a bolter, whether it's depleted deuterium or depleted uranium. I just put it in the chat. Magic released their 40k set. You know how

good magic art is? Some of them, it's like people being disemboweled. I'm sure you know how brutal they can be. I'm looking through these. But apparently it is a super fun set. 40K fans are very pleased with the representation magic gave them, apparently, which is neat. I haven't really played with many of these yet, but i'm excited to i think i might buy a box so i'm not again i'm like not one of

those crazy lore experts or anything but like just going through them yeah yeah there's there's lots of like i see the necron stuff and the gray knight stuff um lots of lots of uh nitty gritty uh cool cool shit here lots of interesting characters uh oh you're not dragging me back to magic fuck come on this can get you this can get you and guess what in a in like six months in six months you can make a deck that's half warhammer 40k half lord of the rings that's what i'm gonna do what am i am I stupid? What am I lame? What is that embarrassing? To be really amped up over things like this.

No, I didn't get the amped up over this set. Cause I didn't have the back lore, but Lord of the Rings one's going to be super fun. Oh. And if you, if you want my favorite story from 40k, um,

I don't know. I think the guy's name's gilliman reboot gilliman uh he has to like uh there's a there's a story where like the horus heresy which is the big civil war is coming to an end you could also think of it as like satan rebelling against god and in many ways and uh and so horus finally gets to earth he has fought his way across the galaxy and and he's here. And he basically challenges the Emperor to come up and face him. And for some reason, the Emperor says, yeah. And so they, like, warp up to his ship, and the Emperor is separated from his sons.

And so his son, and the ships in this universe are miles long, And so his son and the ships in this universe are miles long. So he has to fight through a mile of evil to get to his father. And so like, that's my, my favorite story. Um, him fighting through a mile or two of evil with his buddies to get to their, uh,

their father. Who's fighting. I just went to Luton's channel hour and 20 minute video uploaded nine hours ago. The Imperium's worst jobs three. I've seen parts one and two, and I'll tell you what. God damn, those are some of the worst jobs you've ever even heard of. It's like, are you a maggot farmer?

No, I wish. I wish. I'd do anything to be a maggot farmer. I've been trying to work up to maggot farmers since I was a boy. How old are you? They don't let us count. I'm a poo taste tester. No one has benefited by my work.

It's like, shut up or we'll splice you into a million bees. And it's like, okay we'll splice you into a million bees and it's like okay some of the punishments some of the punishments are horrific like um like like if you um they can seal you into this like sarcophagus that keeps you alive forever and it's like it's a war machine so they're like oh you did us wrong on the battlefield you betrayed us now forever you will be a mind you will be a war machine and they like like like fuck their brain up a little bit and like cast them into essentially a casket that's almost impenetrable and then inside of that they are like controlling a giant robot of war

and so they're just there's no escape the dead there is no what's the quote there's so many good 40k quotes it's something like duty only ends in death or something like that and like death does not come to us and the because a lot of these guys are so hardcore that like no matter how grievously injured the astartes are on the battlefield it's like man can we scoop up most of his brains yeah yeah i've got like all of them here. They're like, all right, put them in this jar. Now put that in the machine. And he's just like waking up like, what is this?

And they're like, we got you, Bob, don't worry. And he's like, good. Like there's so many guys. You're a robot now. Yeah, yeah, they'll put them in. But the robots and these dreadnoughts and these likenoughts and these like giant titan machines they look like a city that walks they have like gothic cathedral

appearance it's like a walking gothic cathedral with more firepower than like the entire u.s navy right that walks and talks it's uh it's alive uh it's it's uh it's really fun lore i wish they'd make a a good movie um about about some of but it just seems like there's so much good like if there's that many stories and i don't know how expensive it's so big like i don't know how you'd like just pick like a microcosm of it like like maybe the emperor the emperor's rise to Power. Something like that. See, without getting like... I know we got four hours. We always joke.

But His Rise to Power is like a whole many, many movies. It's all sorts of shit. Because 40K spans those 40,000 years of nonsensical history. And for some reason, they've got authors that they're like, Oh, I really like this millennium. I only write here and it's like shit well there's a lot of dense dense shit to remember i don't know a court that's really funny some guy who's like really only into the 2100s of sure there's people who like to write um you know like the the the pre-horus heresy stuff and the post horror the the crusade stuff there's lots of like big defining,

like moments in that like period of time where like the whole, everything changes. There was a time where I guess a galactic travel gets nixed. Now we're stuck. And there's a time where they, they're really high and then they revert back to really low. I like that the way they travel though, from place to place is like event horizon.

They, they just kind of open a portal to hell and they travel through hell to get to where they're going because it's faster so you always are traveling through hell hence the demon problem hence the demon problem yes should have just taken longer trips they're really really long yeah but like demons seem to be a huge problem in this world they are they're they're pretty huge problem people could just die of old age if it wasn't for the demon

thing they wouldn't have had to come up with all the robots and the the vending machine people the vending machine people are sad yeah that is but they're mostly like dead like they're supposed to be they're supposed to be lobotomized, but in Darktide, you go up to the healing station, right? And this guy's in there, just his torso and his head, and he's like, healing, sir! And you push the button and he jabs you, heals you up.

And then as you're walking away, he goes, where am I? It's so dark and I'm lonely! And then one guy goes, it hurts! Why does it hurt? And it just closes. And we just go on our way like fighting evil.

Yeah, it's like buying a Red Bull in that world. You just go on with your life. Or a Pepsi. Or chocolate of any kind. Or coffee. Or an iPhone. What other things are... Or an iPhone.

What other first world creature comforts are fueled by slavery and evil? All those I just mentioned. Yeah. Energy? Not Pepsi.

Is it oil? I don't care about the animals, man. Let's get that oil. I stopped caring a while ago when I realized I didn't really think snow owls were that cute after all. You ever see one wet? I was going by that extraction. There's no slave labor involved.

There's no trouble. I think that's an industry where you need good... Machinery? I think those people that are operating offshore oil rigs, which is where I guess most of it comes from. I was stuck in the Middle East when I said that. Professionals. I think they got so much

money. Why would they use slaves? They hired the best of the best to protect them. That's how they built the World Cup stuff. Yeah, but that's stupid labor. Saudi Arabia is probably spending billions on the finest drilling tech from us. Only the best 9-11 hijackers. Only the finest.

The sharpest razor blades money can buy. Someone needs to explain to me why Saudi Arabia is a US ally. I get that they have oil, but why did we pick them? Why do we forgive all the shit they do? They fucked us just recently. They fucked Biden anyway.

One of the red team called him out on the floor. He was like, I don't know why we're paying for their defense. I think maybe we should pull it out, let Iran eat their lunch, and see if they want to go along with the program after that. I think we need to stop buying their overpriced oil. I think we need to stop giving them the best of the best weaponry in the world. Let's let them buy some Russian gear, see how that works out for them. I'm with you. I'm with him on that. I would ride a bicycle to work if that's what you think.

They raised their production targets after the midterms, and they're taking it as a sign that Saudi Arabia likes Republicans, not Democrats, which kind of seems that way, I guess. Yeah. All I know is I don't like Saudi Arabians. Arabians just like the average person? No, Saudi Arabia. Well, no, the average Saudi Arabian is probably a pretty cool dude. I bet he's got one of those nice flowy outfits on that keeps him chill.

He probably likes to ride a Land Rover on two wheels. Literally, I was going to say that with the same face. I bet he either has an exotic pet or he knows someone who does. And I'm not talking about a raccoon. He's got like a jackal or something neat. Oh, yeah. I want a rich, cloudy friend. And look, I bet he's in the mosque on his knees on whatever day they go but he's definitely

getting some poon as well like you know I mean every order every day they don't sound like that so from the great nation of Iran I saw I saw why does kids you know sketch i'd never seen the other day it's like i watched hey uh you know that you know bill just got back from vietnam yeah yeah a little different you talk to him bill come over here oh hello american friend he's me your friend bill i love you as america but brave sniper in Vietnam shot me in head. Now I know remember things so well. And it's like,

I think you may have killed Bill and replaced him. Oh, this big American lie. I think I only here to kill LBJ. That lie. And he's a very Asian little little man i think you may have killed him i can't believe i haven't seen that that's hilarious r.i.p r.i.p to the yeah yeah that's a shame it is it's a damn shame well happy holidays to all of you out there

listening and i don't mean any of the religious ones, okay? We're celebrating what we did to those redskins this week. We put them in their place, gave them food, gave them hospitality, treated them well. This is what Thanksgiving is all about. It's about when the pilgrims and the Indians came together that year, and we gave them some smallpox, and they gave us some yams, and everything worked out the

way god intended manifest destiny and if you don't remember social studies you google that one that's my closing thought here tonight pka 623