Painkiller Already - PKA 635 w/ Rekieta Law: America’s Chernobyl, Rittenhouse’s Million Dollar Idea, F1nn5ter’s Slip Up

Episode Date: February 18, 2023

pka 635 our guest nick ricotta is coming i don't know hour and a half two hours in taylor this episode of pka brought to you by freeze pipe and death by gummies real dbg.com their website so check out those links below we'll tell you more about their discounts later two great ways to get high so guys you filled me in or you started to fill me in and then i said on on finster there's something troubling going on in finster's world and i hate that because he's a great guy yeah what's going on he's a stand-up dude can you show this uh reddit post sack yeah so apparently kyle has his own news but mine he is the first male to be banned for female presenting boobie streaming.

And the details are this. While fixing his bra, he was seen as prolonged touching of female presenting breasts. There's two rule sets and Twitch doesn't warn you if they see you as a female or as you a female presenting

as a man touching your chest is now bannable depending on how feminine Twitch sees you. Yeah. If you turn on the ad, that makes sense. No, I like to see that makes sense. Cause I remember I read an article recently where a trans woman went

into, uh, to get her driver's license changed over. She's like, I wanted to say woman. And they're like, absolutely not. So she's like,

so I'm a man like says right there. So she walks outside and takes her top off and arrests her for indecent exposure because get those titties out of here, ma'am. I mean, I see that as a ha-ha, but it seems like they created a bigger problem. That's called justice. That's called street justice.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. That's all I'm saying here, Kit Taylor. I heard there was a trans woman Being discriminated against around these parks Look if you're gonna be female You gotta take the good with the bad I've eaten Some part of every cake I've ever had I want Finster to get a Tampax sponsorship

Like That's what I want Cause I've seen that happen I've seen where trans women promote Menstruation pads and stuff like that's what i want because i've seen that happen i've seen where like trans women or promote um menstruation you know pads and stuff like what yeah yeah well that's befuddling why no well wait they don't have periods trans women don't you're right trans men can i'm on the i got i had it backwards i'm sorry i flipped it around no you're right bigot yeah oh he slipped up for his job he shouldn't be able to put food on his family's table

the fact that a conversation this confusing is required in our society means that we have it so good everybody always wants to make it seem but the other way. They're like the downfall of society. Look what they're doing. No. First of all, I agree with y'all. It's nonsense. It's silly Billy. We're all just fucking playing along every step of the way so we don't get yelled at, right? Because I hate getting yelled at. That's all it is. It's the same reason I vacuumed the floor when I was a kid, goddammit. You think I care if the toys get picked up? I don't want to get yelled at. That's why I do things. Yep. That being said, the fact that we can

have all of this silliness going on and be worried about it so much, it means that we have it really good. Yeah. The water's still running. It means that we're not having to go out and fight for our food. We're not having to go out there and really fight for anything

because we got so much free time and so little stress, apparently, that we got to stress about those things. And I mean that in a good way. I'm not trying to be sarcastic. I mean, I think it literally is an example of why, of us, because here's the thing. World War III happens next month.

Six months later, we won't be worried about any of this. We won't care if you're a man present if you're how you present we're gonna care how you operate that firearm soldier like how good are you at digging trenches ma'am that's all second we don't have enough food this is not a problem that we're talking about the second that the water stops running no one's talking about dead naming or pronouns or we don't have time for it. We don't have time for it. Literally, there's not enough seconds. You're not even being figurative

in your speech when you say you don't have time for it. It's like, hey, we got this much daylight, then it gets cold. You know how cold it gets these days since the clouds? It'd be something like that. Speaking of clouds, dude. All right, so the other Finster news, I want to go to the Ohio thing because I'm just

getting so much Ohio devastation. You missed out the other Finster news when you changed the topic. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I want to go back to Finster and then come back around. Hopefully this is positive news. I hope you led to the negative.

Yeah, dude's starting an OnlyFans. He's starting his OnlyFans. He's firing that bitch up. Let's make predictions on how much... um dude i hope his dick is distractingly big that'd be hilarious he's not gonna show his dick dude he's not showing any dick he's gonna be in like panties and stuff and like showing his ass and thighs like creep up until he's showing like until he's selling man piss on the internet in a jar. There you go. It smells like beer. This should be safe for work,

safe for YouTube, I think. He does all this stuff. I'm waiting for Zach to pull it up. I think he does YouTube. Yeah, that's where he started. He's got several big YouTube channels. This is his only fans page. Thus far, no posts no

media so world's number one fin boy coming soon so go support friend of the show finster yeah check him out tell him good job tell him horny post and say pka sent me 20 bucks a month is no joke i i guess he's right ish i mean i don't know it's uh he's coming in real high well look all right so like the business model varies um he's not your average lady who's getting something fired up though right like like he would start with this broad social media campaign and like lots of free content initially if you were firing one up but if you but he's already like this established thirst trap so like i think he I think he can start off at 20. He may even be going low.

I think 20 is fine. It really depends on his content. It depends on how much he's going to post, how often he's going to post, and just how racy slash entertaining it's going to be. Because his fans will love it if it's just silly fun stuff. And they'll love it if he starts showing a little bit more skin unfortunately for him i guess i think he should play into the silly fun stuff first save save the skin stuff what he should do what he should do if he wanted

it like like i think the deep end of the pool for him would be banging his girlfriend or whoever like a lady while dressed up as a lady like like, like be in his Finster character, which needs a name, by the way, I guess there's Finn and there's Finster her. Um, I guess maybe that's the deal, but in any case,

um, that's just, that's the deep end of the pool. I hope for him. Well, I mean, you never know. Like,

like all you need is one of these Saudi, like billionaires to come in and be like, I think you need to suck the dick. And he's like, oh, I don't know about all that. Oh, yes, you do. You know, it happens. Would you be able to resist? Some guy comes up in his Bugatti fucking Megatron suit,

gets out of it, and then... What color is your Bugatti? I don't have a Bugatti. And he's like, because you haven't sucked my dick yet. Yeah, right? I don't care how much money he has. I care how much money he gives. Yeah, that's what matters.

That's an Andrew Tate joke. I would make him shower. The Bugatti color, yeah. Yeah, have you heard him talk about that, Taylor? Andrew Tate about the Bugatti thing? I guess. I've never watched it. I'm going to get the story wrong, but all that matters, like paraphrasing,

is he was somewhere and someone was giving him shit about, like, he's got an oddly colored Bugatti. And they're like, oh, you got that one? Because, you know, this one is the good one because X, Y. And he's like, oh, really? Oh, really? What color is your Bugatti? And it's just like that's such a.

Yeah. Yeah. What color is your Romanian prison cell? Oh, no, that's just me. Well, that's just me. What's in there for you? Oh, human trafficking and rape. Well, is he? mean, Taylor. What's it in there for again? Oh, human trafficking. And rape.

Well. You know what? I actually don't like burnt orange. Two counts of rape, right? I like the car a lot. I never thought Bucatis looked sporty enough. Somehow the front grill, to me, reads a little. I mean, I guess it's functional for letting the air in.

But something about it just isn't pointy piercy enough for my thing the look of it is fucking sick but that burnt orange imagine that in like white like pearlescent white like it would pop you really anyway if he was having an argument over the color of the car and he was like what color is your bugatti it's like well i bet you got burnt orange because that was the one on clearance, you fucking loser. Oh, well, that's not nice. Enjoy individual pieces of white bread, moron, in your Romanian prison cellar. Probably some boiled eggs.

Boiled eggs for sure. We'll see how this lands. I've been finding it interesting what's happened to Andrew Tate's online presence, right? Because you go back, whatever it was, two months months ago he's king of the world somehow simultaneously canceled and one of the biggest online names on the planet at once no platform huge he's somehow in my feed every day through like dribs and drabs channels what the and Tate model is? He went and did a ton of podcasts in one month and then waited. And then everybody diced up those shorts and they exploded across the internet.

Everybody did the work for him. That's a good way to do it. I'm aware. Yeah. So now, though, it's the opposite. All the Tate content I see is ripping on him he has a weak chin he does a weak chin is one where it's like it's a little backwards like people it's not attractive but it's not that bad on his worst poses it looks worse than otherwise you know like i've been there with

a double chin was my double chin really that bad at my fattest? My worst poses it was. You know, John Candy. When I look down, just wrong, it looked bad. If you're going to bully this guy for something, physically is not the root. This guy's jacked. He also claimed he was bald by choice. Now that his hair is growing in

in that Romanian prison, it's not his choice. He is bald by genetics. Could he have meant that he could have been his first to shave? He meant like, I could pay to have a child scalped! I will have your child scalped, and I will wear his scalp.

I have that kind of money. The context was he was claiming he didn't lose his hair, and he clearly did. But you know how the algorithm works. That's ultra-thin. That's a half-black man, though, so he's got different hair than us. I'm looking at a guy that's not bald by choice. I'm looking at a biracial man who, with the help of a good black barber, would fill that in nicely.

Black barbers are magicians. They're craftsmen. It's like a cake building show. A cake building show. I've been to a black barber place. Weird fondant around the side barber that never happened to me I cannot believe you went twice where is my fondant

how do you go into a black barber shop the first time with that fucking candy stripe thing spinning outside and you go in and it's a bunch of black guys and then you do it again they're all in there eating hot wings and shit licking their fingers you make a mistake one time

it's an anecdotal evidence you do it twice it's a scientific experiment that's why I needed to control I'm doing a social experiment after this I'm going to dress as a terrorist and throw briefcases at people at the ball I've got a hot take on Ohio I don't know I think i've got a hot take on ohio um i don't know i look i think i've got as

much information as like a fucking person who watches the internet and television can get can glean from what little they've given us everybody's like can you believe they're not doing anything i saw this post they were like um they were they were like uh in a communist society when chernobyl happened they did this for everyone in the blast area. And it's like, you know, they paid their medical bills for life. They put them in new housing somewhere else, X, Y, and Z. And it's like, yeah, well, the alternative was instant death or immediate death, more or less. And then they're like, what have they done in Ohio?

$5 per resident. First of all, we're three days into the disaster in Ohio. Second of all, they is the railroad company. How are you making this a communist argument? Reddit is just so fucking disgusting. Sometimes I got to try to stay away from it, like some of the retardation there. I think it's Chinese bots

just trying to make me mad anyway. There's no American that dumb, and we have terrible education. All of that being said, we both know American that dumb and we have terrible education so there's lots of all of that being said we both know american that dumb here's i always focus on i talked last week about how um that article in missouri where they um they they moved two words around and made the article completely different because they were like ah now they're going to let 14 year olds carry guns in public no they're not they're going to. They're going to continue to allow 14-year-olds

to carry hunting rifles on public hunting lands. Completely different things. They're trying to lie to you. It's deliberate propaganda. So when I see every single post about this thing, mention the dead livestock, and then stop there. Full stop. Dead livestock.

Move along. All right, well, show me the cows dead in the fields. Show me the hundreds of dead cattle. Show me the dairy farms where the milk has to be thrown out. Show me the foxes. Show me the entire ecosystem that's dying. What did they show me? Did you see the river?

They showed me four chickens in a fucking cage that somehow died. Okay, I'll believe you. Some fumes got it, killed it from this. Show me some fish in a pond. How many dead fish did I see? Four tops, right? Like, hell, that's a day of of fishing and i throw them in there and i i clip it real quick now i've got the only proof of dead fish on the internet no i will add to the dead fish thing like i watched a couple clips that just happened to come across my feed like it was not

being like look a dead fish this is fucking biden's america it was literally like here's a dead fish here's the dead fish here's a dead fish here's a dead fish under this bridge here there's hundreds of dead fish i i watched a clip today of someone be like they're like taking a video of the water in one of the the creeks and they throw a rock into it they're like it looks pretty normal doesn't it they throw a rock into it and immediately you know the look of gasoline, the full, the, the, the, the, yeah, that movement and it immediately refracts light and turns multicolor. The whole thing is multicolor.

Like that. I saw, like, I saw that too. I want to comment on it. I, I saw that too. And for all, I know it's real, but I don't know it's real. It is so easy to go on the internet and see this picture of a storm system and they're like this is next week's hurricane yeah bullshit that picture's seven years old i've seen it before it's so easy to go on the internet and say like look at this survivor of a building not that is

not the earthquake that just happened that is from seven years ago beirut or whatever scary cloud so when i saw this woman throw a rock into a polluted river might be true but i'm watching a project veritas shit to be like that guy didn't even work there that guy you're acting like a pimp in a hole went to this office when really you've clipped together two different videos one taken in your own office the other taken at the planned parenthood and the answers aren't even the questions that you're splicing in right yeah that so i just don't know what to make of internet proof i saw pictures during like people were putting i'm almost done people were putting bricks all

over like blm riots you know oh look at these bricks the government supplied meanwhile those fucking brick pictures are from like six months before the BLM riots and completely unrelated. They're not arming rioters with bricks. That's just for people to buy into. So anyway, I don't know how to verify all this proof. I'm just always suspicious now because somebody's trying to lie. It's true. There's not enough like evidence.

We do know that what is burning is tremendously toxic. Yeah, but they're burning it. And that it's on different. Yeah. Burning it apparently isn't isn't like making it just harmless campfire smoke. Like, no, I mean, I mean, I mean, the you know, the thing you probably saw agent Asian science man say was like, you know, when you burn the vinyl chloride, which is, you know, an ingredient in PVC,

which is what all our pipes are made out of, when you burn it, it makes another chemical, and that combines with water vapor in the air and creates acid. Well, nobody's talking about acid. Nobody said anything about acid. They're like, oh, we're poisoned. I saw a kid.

This lady was like, his eyes turned red, and he started coughing, and we knew we had to leave. And it's just like, look, I want to feel sorry for these people. They've been poisoned. I hope they get every fucking dime. I hate when that shit happens. I'm all for that Aaron Brockovich, get them all kind of thing. I love when a big company pays through the teeth.

But I see both sides trying to politicize this thing. And I see no evidence that anything has actually happened other than there was a big old smoky fire well so the director zach here who is a better post the most reddit pictures a better source than most reddit pictures mary vance the director of ohio's department of natural resources said on tuesday that an estimated 3 500 fish have been found dead in local waterways nothing i that was actually that's right where i was headed when i read it is that a lot no that's like nothing but that's also one of these things where they are they meet out they meet out how extreme things are sometimes well where they go you know fish might be indicative of 35 000 unfound fish I'm making this up. I'm sure it is, but also like, you know

how when these things happen, there's like always trickle truth, where initially when this plane, or not plane, train derailment happened, it was like, I saw an article from the New York Times, and this was after days of like largely not being discussed in the media, and the op-ed was like,

concerns are growing over the potential health impact of the uncured polychloride or whatever the fuck burning. And it's like and then a little bit later, they release articles that are like new evidence supports this. You know, some animals are getting sick. Like before you know it, they'll be releasing stuff. It's like it's so much worse than we thought. Like that's totally possible. This kind of stuff happens all the time.

I don't know. Apparently, trained derailments happen all the fucking time. It's just we're talking about this one because it's so bad, and it caused a big chemical problem. I think our railways are actually kind of dog shit. I want to answer the question, too, before you go, Kyle. Yeah, yeah. Taylor said there were train derailments all the time.

That makes me wonder. I have seen like three or four more train derailment stories since this one and i'm like is there a is this normal and we just don't normally talk about it or is something wild happening here where these trains can't stay on the tracks yeah i don't know but you know they make those train uh derailers that you can just buy right and it's you can throw in a backpack that's horrifying yeah i love that there's that great post you see every now and then on Reddit and they're like, something about gun control is irrelevant

as long as the 305 train from Boston travels at 194 kilometers down the L pipe and you can fit a train derailleur and a basic human backpack and then he's got a picture of it on the tracks and a train derailleur basically guides basic human backpack and then he's got a picture of it on the tracks and a train derailleur basically guides the train right off the tracks it like just it derails a train that's a threat to the people like jizz i don't like that yeah if you're trying to pull one of those you know that was the whole premise in uh unbreakable right the whole train derailment thing um well i i saw the the multiple train derailments too i don't know none of the i it's

weird that things like that pop up um i think the the news media becomes hyper focused on anything like that and some i don't know i didn't in the other train derailments here's the thing about like internet evidence i don't just see an image and then they were like this truck fell over and nitric acid spilled out and i've got eight seconds of video on that from a guy's car and it's like did it because it looks like a yellow smoke bomb to me like are y'all just is any of this real am i in the fucking simulation you wanted to ask whose fault it was yeah yeah oh like a Oh, like a damn conductor. No, we, I don't know.

I've seen two things. Here's what I've seen. I heard that like the Trump administration lowered regulations having to do with better brakes on trains, carrying hazardous materials. And then I heard the Biden administration came in and there were a host of Trump, like,

you know, rules like that, that they rolled back, but not that one. So it's hard to blame Trump alone when the Biden administration kind of in a backwards way approved it. Yeah, it's probably just that our rail system is sucks and is old. Like, I'm sure I'm sure that kind of contributed to it. What caused what caused this one? I heard a report where they said that one of the what do you call each individual

wheel on a train? A railroad tie? A wheel on the train. A wheel. On fire as it was approaching the area. I guess the suggestion was that maybe the break was locked down on that part of it it continued to overheat until it completely failed and then you've got a derailment caused by something like that we need to use nicer trains for the dangerous

stuff like if we like if we need to ship saltines throw it on a dangerous like an old train it really doesn't fucking matter but this stuff we should have at least a couple nice new trains i disagree i disagree did you see that i don't know why zach doesn't show the good no you're right when you're right you're right did you see that picture that was from an airliner looking down at the cloud and it looked like it looked like saruman was down there like getting some darkness cooked up if that had happened near where one of those satanic abortion rituals was

being conducted, Woody would start believing. I think I'd start believing. Like, that looks cool. Like, I'm not sure this hasn't been doctored in some way or another, because when I look at it, the blacks are all smushed. Like, if I look in the trees, it's like, why is it so black in the middle of that tree?

It's like, oh, you've, you've made sure the blacks pop here. Um, it doesn't matter in this shot, but in the previous shot to make it more ominous, I was thinking, but yeah, this is pretty wild. You know, they, they, uh, for a while they had those containers cooking, you know, in the flames of ruptured containers. So they, they blew them up. flames of ruptured containers. So they blew them up. They placed charges

and blew holes in them to immediately... To safely release the chemicals into the atmosphere. Yeah. The atmosphere to scientists like me, we call it nature's dumpster. Yeah. We call it nature's garbage

disposal. You send the evil chemicals up into the sky god takes care of it and we're good that's how this like i'm no i'm no genius when when i hear that a train car with dangerous chemicals is spewing stuff into the atmosphere my plan isn't well it's gonna happen eventually blow the rest of them up. Taylor, that's where you're wrong. Eventually, this is where stars come from. Eventually, this will congeal and we'll have a second moon, a glowing moon.

It was always sunny in Philadelphia. Better tides. Yeah. So, yeah, I got a problem with any of this. I don't know. Maybe I'd feel differently. This is fun. Hey, you know what?

To each their own. I just think it's being blown out of proportion. It's like, who cares? I don't think so. I feel like one of these happens every weekend. Remember when that pipeline got blown up and we were trying to figure out who done it? Yeah.

The Norfolk said that. We found out who done it, right? They told us last week right about the time the UFOs and Ohio exploded. They told us that we did it. Of course. I remember reading that, and I didn't see where it was from. We absolutely did. You say that with no evidence.

No, but I mean, you can just look at it. We had placed the chart. You can just look at it, make your own guesses. I mean, I read it on the internet. You can read it. Like, and also there's like, you can look at that situation with the Nord Stream.

It made zero sense from the start that Russia would use their pipeline. They just invested tens of billions of dollars into a key infrastructure that happens to be their bargaining chip with Western Europe because Western Europe was relying on Russian gas

to bomb your own infrastructure. You just finished, which removes your ability to hold that over the head of a current wartime foe is retarded. Like no nation would do that. Who's the chief beneficiary of that? Well, if Russia did do it, what they did was push Western Europe into the dependent arms of the US to get oil from tankers over through us or to buy through other people. The theory is Russia is trying to sell energy. So why would they hurt their ability to sell energy? arms of the U.S. to get oil from tankers over through us or to buy through other people. The theory is Russia is trying to sell energy. So why would they hurt their ability to sell energy? Correct. Yeah. And why did Russia cut their production by 5% then? Well, I mean, 5% is definitely not destroying tens of billions of dollars in infrastructure.

Why did Russia? Well, Russia cut their production because the U..s after the nord stream came in and is now providing a higher percentage of energy to uh to europe i just want to hear any good reason why they would blow up their own they wouldn't it doesn't make sense dude the theory is that they're trying to break the will of europe by increasing the price of their energy so instead of turning off the faucet, they destroy their entire bar. It's just ridiculous. Like, it doesn't make sense. They also turned off the faucet this week. Wait, so they're willing to turn off the faucet,

which reinforces that they would have done it initially instead of destroying their infrastructure. Like, it just doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't know. See, this is the problem. Like, if you ever take a nuanced position that's not like the obvious one, it's incredibly hard to defend.

Often because you kind of have to twist yourself in loops to defend it which is where i am right now like yeah i just can't think of a good reason like a false flag would make sense but remember what happened when it happened russia went ah damn it why that's what they did they didn't go they didn't like blow up one of our pipelines yeah but um we just did a little wartime attack in international waters little u.s stuff i mean i i thought it was a matter of record that we placed the charges and that norwegians detonated the charges because they weren't in the um um the eu or whatever the um um whatever the fuck the european union yeah was i reading the funny paper is that not

like an official release like on the record i read something about i reading the funny paper is that not like an official release like on the record i read something about it but i didn't see that it pointed to america and i'm open to the idea that i'm wrong yeah what i read was that america placed the charges like i'm picturing lady liberty herself wading through those frigid waters placing them and then a third a neutral third party in norway or or whatever the fuck detonated them via a plane that was flying over? Or dolphins. Wartime dolphins. Yeah.

Oh, my God. If they used those Navy dolphin semen. Yeah. You'd have to salute them because, of course, they die from the poison of the ecological disaster. How do you feel about police dogs being treated as officers? I'm fine with it if they wear a hat.

They will. I've seen them in doggles. And I'm in. And a helmet. That's pretty cute to me. Here's my problem, though. Whenever a cop forgets and cooks one in his car, they don't go, You cooked Officer McGravy. You're under arrest,

you murderer. They go, damn, that was an $18,000 dog. That's what they do. But if you fucking throw a right cross at Cujo because he's eating your ankle, you have assaulted a police officer. you can't have it both ways barney having their cake and

eating it mainly like this is a cop but he's not a cop but he's a cop you know like oh and but like he's not expected to show any restraint he can go and bite your arm bite your fucking face off all the cops think it's fantastic but they're not really responsible for what the dog does because it's a dog. It's an animal. It doesn't know what it's doing, but it's a police officer. If you dare, like, push the dog off of you. Now you're resisting a mauling or something that's against the rules. But if they're at your house and they shoot your dog because it barked at him too wrong, It is no longer an officer, a civilian, a person.

It's a thing. It's a civilian dog. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, the government always gets to have their cake and eat it too. Yeah. Don't care for them. I don't care for those government guys.

Two thumbs down. You know. I'm a big fan. I've always supported them. I always will. All of them. That's why we're such good friends look tracked our overlords are looking out for our best interest taylor so you'd better just bend the knee and get it over with and

let officer scruff fucking bend me over and you're getting humped by a police dog and you try and push him off and it's like stop resisting stop resisting it's like christmas vacation best just let him finish up officer brutus gets horny this time of day you gotta leave his nuts on or he can't run and he doesn't want to kill i think they do leave it's coming to the time where it's time to to get my dog fixed i think um i got i'm gonna see what the vet thinks no because that told you my thoughts on circumcision. Don't circumcise your dog. I want my dog circumcised, goddammit. He's a Jewish dog. And he is going to observe.

Look, he's going to observe the mitzvah. And that's all there is to it. I will not have a... Which dog are we talking about? Toby. He's six months old. The one with the metal sticking out his leg. Is he already neutered?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's unclipped, not holy. When you take your dog in to get him fixed, if you do, inquire about his circumcision. No, they'll put your name on a list. I can't do that. I'm on enough of those. But I think it determines

how aggressive and how big they get. How soon you get them neutered. Too late. Your dog's already huge. We're getting big. He's a big old boy, but he's goofy as fuck. He's not too aggressive. I don't know. He sees the neighbor dogs and loses his shit, though, and tries to get them. I thought thought in a play way don't you wait till they're full grown to neuter

him am i crazy i think that that's kind of like i think if you want them to be more docile and smaller you can do it earlier because i think they charge by the pound huh i didn't know that you know we got our dog so this dog you can keep the testicles. We always do. There was something called spar. Waste not want. I forget. There were people in RVs that had like a mobile dog neutering hospital who knew to your dog cheap. And I thought like, I don't know about this situation, right?

Like a fucking mobile hospital. I was a little sketch about the whole thing. Dude, they were great these guys just neuter like 15 animals a day all day every day they're the neutering clan this is like a simple tax return to an accountant and this dog came in he had one nut he had one nut the other nut never descended it was somewhere lost in his belly and uh they told me maybe they're selling but afterwards they're like it's a good thing you came to us because you know like this surgery it's not vanilla it's a little bit

rocky road but since we do this all day every day like we're the people for it yeah i had one of those i had one of those understand yeah with the testicle that doesn't go all the way down they went in when i was like two like pop that bitch out. Really? I don't think we've ever heard this story before. I can't tell if I'm being gullible. I didn't know they could do that at two. Definitely told them before. They noticed that two? They're changing

your diaper and they're like, Kyle's not supposed to be like that. I think it was pretty obvious. Mom's like... I've got a scar on my belly. Above where the pubic hair is on the right side, there's this tiny little hairline scar and there's where my ball was

and I had to go in and pop it out and then stick it back in my scrote or however that works that's a good place for a scar I bet when girls give you head they think this guy is hard I told him it was a knife fight. Yeah.

I hope he's hard. I told him it was a knife fight. I got in a knife fight, and I barely managed to molest him. That's what I say about all my scars. Anytime, if they ask about any of my scars, I always say knife fight. That's the correct answer, guys. Anytime a chick asks you about a scar. And if they want to hear more, I don't feel comfortable talking about it.

It's personal. You should have seen the other guy. He's still in therapy. I hear you. I don't feel comfortable talking about it. It's personal. You should have seen the other guy. He's still in therapy. I hear you. I'm more of a shark attack guy. Shark attack. I remember there was this kid. You survived a shark attack?

Dude, so many. What scars are you pawning off his shark attack scars? I got two on my leg. They look kind of shark attack-y. That's an ACL surgery. No, shark attack. No, you see that jacket there? It's not because the surgeon meshed up it's because it was a nurse shark who nipped at me there was this kid on my hockey team when i was like

12 or so and i guess something happened when he was born that like he something got stuck or like they pulled him too hard and like they really fucked up like this area i'm pointing to like my right shoulder and kind of a swoop and you can imagine like if a shark were to bite you here it would have that kind of swoop down shape of a scar and i i guess he was embarrassed of that because like he had kind of a fucked up you know ridge here like a lot of scar tissue and he just told everyone that it was a shark bite and everyone forever like the entire time we were a team like believed that he was attacked by a shark and survived because it looked so much like a shark bite is that the coolest scar to have like like if a noticeable bite mark like like let's if you had like a noticeable like bite mark like that like where teeth went in.

Not that whole thing where, oh yeah, it took his calf. That's actually his bicep down there. Not that, but like... It would depend on the creature. If it was a vicious dog or a shark bite. If it was a human woman's teeth, then maybe not. Not that. Oh, that's horrific. To me, that screams like like did you get tested after

are you still getting tested because you know like every six months you got to go back after like it's like you might as well have been exposed to hiv as like a fucking ems worker or some shit another human bites you in the wild i would so much rather get bitten by an animal than a person there is that most animal animals aren't full of diseases that go into us. They don't have tons of human diseases. They've got bacteria, and you can get a terrible infection, right? You could even get rabies. The thing is, we've got great treatments for all of that stuff. You can get shit from humans, though, that there are no cures for. Now you got hep C. Enjoy popping for a new liver in 25. You know what I mean like yeah it's shit

like that could happen so i would take a dog bite over a human bite every day of the week i would take literally like the dog attacks me every time i walk out the door i gotta beat him off sexually let me pitch this as part of the decision making matrix yeah present company aside most humans don't bite that hard yeah but animals sometimes do are you sure you would take an animal you wouldn't take a crocodile bite over a human bite well no i mean i feel like i won't survive the crocodile bite i'll be maimed yeah so like if you're talking about the situation like you see at those petting zoos where that fucking hillbilly sticks his hand in one's mouth for minimum wage and ends up losing half his arm uh then no. Now, I will do his job,

but I will not let it chomp down. That's what I would do. That's where the way is. I would much rather do his gig for an afternoon in front of tourists once and not get bitten than have a human bite. I'm just telling you,

I'm really anti getting bitten by another human being. You might as well let a random dude blow his load in your ass on the street. You might as well be a bug chaser. Except none of the fun. Some bleeding gum Murphy come at you. That's a deep cut, by the way. Fucking takes a chomp out of you.

You don't know what you have. You are getting tested every six weeks for years now. At least a year or two. I would. I'd be terrified. Be human with me. I don't think like... You can get infections, you're right, from dogs.

But like cats, you can get that Toxoplasmosis gondii parasite from them. That's their shit, though. No, from scratches, bites. Really? You can get it from that, too, apparently. I thought it was just from eating their shit. No, no. Well, it's best not to eat cat shit.

You're not talking to me. It's best not to. You're telling me what to do. I'll me what i want to all right but it's like like it that's like the crazy cat lady thing like that's why and actually i think it is mostly through like their feces and leavings and all that but i think i cat scratch fever like you can that's that's probably more than a song i think oh for sure yeah it harkens back to the the olden days where people would eat cat poop because um cats eat a lot you know cats eat catnip that's a plant that grows wild they eat it in such concentrations that in their poop it will have a

hallucinogenic effect so if you eat cat poop you will get high out of your mind but if you eat the cat poop of one of these cats has been infected by that whatever you said that parasite then you're just gonna get high you're still getting high but uh then you get even fucking more fucked up dude none of that that's a good one all right yeah what what does that do to to cats? It's supposed to chill them out and make them feel really good, but I don't know the intensity of it. I've never had a cat that I gave catnip to.

Does it do nothing to people? I've seen those videos where they use it on larger cats, like cougars, all sorts of bigger cats, bobcats, lynxes, and shit with varying effects. I don't know exactly what the effects are. They seem to just love that shit.

Like it's like a drug to them and almost sexual the way that they're just like all the fuck over it, rubbing it on their face. It mimics feline sex hormones. Wow, I nailed it. All right, yeah. Damn, right on the money. Yeah, I mean, they really seem to be into it.

Damn, this says you can grow, marthastewart.com, you can grow your own catnip if it's legal in your state. Why wouldn't it be legal in my state? I'm joking. I added that part. Be sure to check with your local municipal police officer to see if you're allowed to grow it. I can't get fucked on catnip and nobody told me?

I bet you could sell it to retarded high schoolers that haven't smoked weed before. Yeah, for sure. Oh, that would be fun to go back and do. Yeah, with oregano or. I think I told this story before, but in my high school, there were narcs. Did you guys have narcs in your high school? I don't know what that is. Like people, like students who ratted on other students.

These are police officers who go to your high school every day pretending to be a student and bust all the drugs. 21 Jump Street. That's real. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We had that in my high school. No joke. No, like, maybe. No, absolutely.

This guy went to our high school for like half a year. Half a year. Got reassigned to a middle school. He was so good. to make him look younger he wore hockey jerseys and shit and he looked like one of those high schoolers who was a little more mature than most high schoolers

but he also, I mean he was probably 21 or something, he could have 15 yeah, ish and dude, the charges that he got at the time I was like, whoa, this person's selling fake cocaine. That person's selling fake cocaine. This person's selling real and fake marijuana.

This person, dude, like 70% of what he caught was people selling baby formula as cocaine and oregano as pot. That was like rampant in my high school. baby formula as cocaine and oregano as pot. That was like rampant in my high school. That guy sucked, but he doesn't suck nearly as much as the drug dealers at your school. What's that got to do with if I found that out? The new process.

Do you know how pissed I would be if I went to a drug dealer's house and it smelled like pizza? I would be livid could could i mean if you had never smoked pop before it could what people would do is they'd smoke the oregano and then not knowing what to expect or not having a much pot experience that all act high you know because you can smoke it yeah it's my understanding i didn't i didn't smoke i i would guess that they would realize they were burnt as soon as they got the baggie somewhere to open it and smell it or take a

decent look at it because marijuana just look if you know what weed looks like you know what weed looks like doesn't oregano look just like it no fuck no yeah it looks it's some green crumbly plant shit but yeah and if and if you don't know what weed looks like then yeah that's what weed looks like it's green crumbly plant shit but if you know what weeds looks like you're like man it's oregano yeah that ain't fucking weed i know what weed looks like hey you're talking to a guy that eats pizza three days a week you couldn't go into the world of plant life woody and find anything to get past me and tell me it's weed. Like, especially with,

it would cost you more to make fake weed than weed costs. Weed has a very intense smell and oregano has a very intense smell. Like if you're with anyone who's even been close to weed before, it'd be impossible to fall for it. It smells are funny. Cause I cannot describe almost any smells for it it smells are funny because i cannot describe almost any smells other than it smells like oranges you know what that smell is funky and piney it's those two things combined and uh and that's what weed is skunky and piney something

about smells are just so identifying but um thank you zach i'm with kyle i don't anyone who knows what pot is doesn't confuse those and the same is true with the smell but in high school maybe you find people who don't know what they're doing well see you just throw it in a bag right well i mean like that picture is irrelevant because you know like if you're buying something if you're buying something that looks like that and again i remember jeremy bought me some weed one time he was like all right from i should go over here to got some weed you want me to pick you up from? I'm like, how much is it? They're like, I said 80. I'm like, 80 for what?

Fucking tard. He's like, an ounce. And I'm like, an ounce? Yeah, we'll get it. And I'm thinking like... What is it, a brick of shitty Mexican? He brought me this disgusting shit. It was mostly sticks, and seeds and like like i swear like that's all it was and trimming i was like i was like come here jeremy

i'm gonna teach you an 80 lesson here you see this this is shit the only way we get high off this is by like cooking it which we're you know we're gonna do now did you make like can of butter out of it yeah i cooked it made it some cupcakes i'm uneducated so that there is thc in it right yeah but we're gonna have to why is it bad for smoking it's way way lower concentration and it's like so like rough it's just not it's not good the good part of marijuana the part that you the flower that you prefer to to smoke is the is the flower the bud itself and it's like you get all of the like sticks and stems and even the little bitty leaves out of there you don't want any of that shit and even the inside of like if you imagine weeds like broccoli any of the stem that's in there in the floret uh you want all that gone and you want to smoke those pollen-carrying delicious little things

on the end of the flower. Anything else is bad. If you're smoking sticks and stems and seeds, it's more akin to if you just got some shit off the ground like some hay or something. It's harsh and full of I don't even know what.

It's just nasty. You don't expect that. Plus it's weak. Like pot dealer. you don't expect that to like a random like pot dealer i don't know how to describe a random one some kid in college thing would there be like good weed or would it be a mix of stems and flowers um i mean like when i would buy weed from my dealer uh i knew like two or three guys that sold weed and i had no i had gotten to know them through girlfriends every time and so like they had a guy like like drug dealers are always trying to like use that to leverage into women because like every girl wants weed and they'll flirt with you enough to get some weed or a discount on some weed and then the guys that

are actually fucking these girls now have a drug dealer. So I would usually get my drug dealers like that. And so these were like, it was always good stuff. It was always like, I would never have gotten in trouble if I hadn't forgotten this guy's address that lived in the city in Atlanta. Because you went to his place. First of all, he was Jew. Which, loved. This man's got a future ahead of him and you'd go if we get caught can you represent me yeah right you knew

his dad was gonna like get us both out of this and okay go up into his very nice place and be like so this is what you do no this is just for the ladies and it's like he's just selling weed because it's a good social thing it's a way to make connections and network this guy's like

he literally was in school to do like a cool thing you know what i mean like a respectable career or whatever that guy was and and he was like it was like pulp fiction or something you know where he's got like eight different kinds of like very nice weed and then like after that ended up with some jabroni that had his whole life falling apart you know that he but he was growing good weed in his basement he was getting seeds from california and growing like name he's like this is skywalker og here this here's the here's the thing that the seeds came in here's the sticker here's what i paid for the seeds these are my

babies and he's been growing them in his basement so like primo weed again but i have ran into those situations where usually it's someone else getting the stuff. And they're like, look what I got. And it's like, ah, that's so gross. That's almost worse than nothing. It's like, really? Because we're going to have to smoke a lot of this. I went through so many different drug dealers in college. There was this one dude who I started talking about.

This reminded me of him. This dude insisted on his own nickname being Kush. Hell yeah. And it was like, for a while he was the only guy who always had weed. And so we'd go over there and he was one of those guys that like, hell he's the dude who like melted weed into cigarette carton wrappers to sell it to me.

And it was like, it's actually more economical and it's like i don't want fucking burned plastic next to my weed you dumb cunt like that same retard and i don't want to sit and hang out with you and smoke out of your jet black opaque bong with water from years ago that's despicable and disgusting we had the same deal hated it and so many dealers like it it was so great to find like a good dealer. There was this one guy I had that he did not want to be friends or acquaintances or anything with people he sold weed to. And so I would just. Oh, and yeah, less is more. And bless his heart, bless his heart for the way he did it, because I would he was one guy that I would text or reach out to.

And I'd be like, hey, I want this much. You know, what can can you do it for and he'd tell me and he'd be like what time can you be here and i'd be like this is the you know i'd text him like 10 minutes before and then he would like have it just sitting in his yard just just like on like on his and i would just like open the door grab it and then drive then drive away. And it was tremendous. No, I like that. No, you do it. Look, that keeps his ass clean like 100%. That's why he's doing it.

You, on the other hand, still have that stigma, I'm sure, as you're walking up to grab it of like, hope they're not in the bushes or the trees or in the sky or whatever. I'm just checking this guy's mail. Yeah. Do you already have the lie in your head for when you get caught no no because i i would have been like just dead to rights to be like what are you doing and it's like oh you have drugs yeah like i would be thinking of like the lie like like all right i could come up with a lie as long as i didn't have the weed in my car i'm not sure the lie is the move

it's it i mean yeah you have to flee high speed chase it depends how caught caught you are i guess like in my situation i was just like probably should just shut up now huh every attorney i know now here's the thing when attorneys say shut up don't say a word right invoke the fifth don't say a word yeah that's probably good advice for a lot of people but is it good advice for a really smart guy like if it's jordan peterson right here's a guy who speaks well who's a smart guy uh not everything he says is for me but by and large let's all agree that he's smart and he's well spoken are you sure he couldn't do himself any favors when talking to the priest yeah yeah you're not gonna like um picard your way out of this you're gonna have you might be able to influence your way out of it

legalese your way out of it or good old boy your way out of it but but the problem is that everything's being recorded for the record anyway so if there may come a time where he's like look you're already in the system dude even if i wanted to that like that could come up these nowadays but you're not gonna be like no see the problem is with lobsters that you see you see lobsters always want to go through red lights and that's what i am i live my life like you're not gonna get out of this shit by talking about your serotonin levels or how like you know yeah the cop doesn't you you have to you could try a Jedi like, you don't want to arrest me. I don't smell like weed. But you could be like, are you Brandon?

Aren't you Davey's brother? No, I don't know who I am. Can you help me out? Like, if you know, you can get your way out of it that way. You can just be real apologetic. Last time I got pulled over, I was going way too fast. And it was when I was on double probation. I didn't't mean to be speeding but it was just a road where yeah

that's when like that's when there's like two eight there's like two different groups like watching over you to make sure you don't fuck up like one group's more strict than the other one group will let you drink and the other won't even let you do that. You mentioned traffic. In a situation like that, people can and do talk their way out all the time. I always do. I usually do. And it's by being 100% honest. When he pulled me over, I was like, hey, what'd I do? And I looked worried because I was. And he said, you were going 65 in a 25.

I was like, why is this 25? It's a two-lane highway in the middle. I was like, there's no way this is 25. I was like, this looks like 55, right? Like, wouldn't you think this is 55? I said, look at my license. I just moved here. Kind of true.

A couple years ago. I mean, the license is out of date. That's all that matters. I'm like, I just moved here. Kind of true. A couple years ago. I mean, the license is out of date. That's all that matters. I'm like, I just moved here. Come on. This is the first time I've ever been on this road. Would you have known? I didn't know.

I'm so sorry. I'm going to drive on this thing going 20 from now and flash my lights at everybody if you cut me a break here, sir, because I'm sorry. But I didn't know. Good God. I wouldn't be going 40 over. Like, I'm not in a hurry. I'm going to Chick-fil-A.

I said something like that. You play all dramatic oh lordy lordy i i dare not believe i was violating the wall in such a way he was black he was black you didn't do that that was that's gonna get me a real beating if i think what police like to see is i did it i'm sorry i'd never do it again this was a one-time error in judgment the trouble is that doesn't get you out of like if it goes to court that's not helping you well it depends what you did and if you actually did it right in my situation i was absolutely speeding i genuinely didn't mean to i meant to be going eight over and i was going like 40 over or something 40 whatever it came to because i i could like if i if you went down this road, you would not,

I mean, obviously there's a sign somewhere that I didn't see. I believe it. But like, it's like a big, straight, open stretch of two-lane road, and it's not houses up against it. It's fields. And they're like, yeah, this is 25. It's like, I think y'all made this for tax revenue, dude, because this is also the way to get around the interstate.

Y'all are fucking with me right now. But yeah, he cut me slack there. I don't know. I've been cut slack a few times with traffic stops, but I think trying to talk your way out of something where you did some shit is going to be slim to none. You should just shut the fuck up. If you've got a DUI or something

or you've got weed in your hand or something like that, and it's your weed legitimately, you're just going to have to shut up. I'll share this with you if we can keep it secret. I won't tell anyone. Come on, dude. Are you even cool?

It's not even that cool. It's shitty weed, officer. Smell it. Dude, I met this super cool cop once but you probably didn't even know him. A cool cop would let me go. You're going to fall into that trap. Hold on here, partner. I'm a pretty cool officer.

If you know a cop, he would probably let you go. Like, for sure. And if you impersonate a cop, let me know how it goes. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I'd reach out for a secret handshake. And then when he didn't do it, I would call in a fake radio dispatch that there was a cop impersonator out arresting and hassling people. Just press your ear like there's something there. Yeah.

Breaker, breaker. We've got to make up a code. 1810. We got a cop who's seriously uncool. Yeah. Fucking lame as shit. And he doesn't want to get high wow you can't buy weed from this college to share weed he said no

you know what like part about being able to buy legal weed now is like just so much better than like the whole dealer thing is i absolutely hated through my 20s how drug dealers stayed college age the whole time. So when you were in college, it was like you're buying drugs from some college age guy. And then when I was like 26, 27, I'm like texting my youngest brother like, who do you buy drugs from now? And he's like, hit up this guy. And so I reach out to him he's like hit up this guy and so i reach out to him and be like i'm so and so's much older brother do you have drugs i can buy and then i didn't like that were most of your dealers white or black um mostly white yeah me too

me too i don't know and i think it was just because of like you know like social circles like like i just didn't run into enough like because that's also a thing where you got to build some trust but you got to know a guy who knows the guy yeah i i never had like a close friend that was like selling a bunch of weed or i just would have went to that person but you're right it was always friend of a friend some friend of a friend of a friend some ancillary person who you're like i can i can smile at this person's disgusting apartment for 10 minutes i suppose i uh we were. We were on my truck one night. It was me, my girlfriend, and two other girls, her friends. And one of these girls is really well-to-do.

You can do anything you want or nothing at all type situation in life. And I'd been to one of her houses. And this girl's like 22 or whatever. And she's in the backseat. I stop at the gas station. I'm filling up. And I hop back to one of her houses. And this girl's like 22 or whatever. And she's like in the backseat. I stop at the gas station. I'm filling up. And I hop back in the car. I'm asking the girls in the backseat if they want anything.

And when I go in. And she's like, hey, check this out. Look what. I won't say her name. Look what Jane has. And Jane's got a pound of marijuana. A pound? She's got a pound is this fucking big.

Yeah. It's got a a pound is this fucking big yeah it's like a it's like a it's like a throw pillow never have i ever seen that much before or since and i'm like the fuck are you doing in my car i think i may have called her the b word i would be fucking livid that's an amount of weed that like they'll be like well you can't have this much you can't have a pillowcase full of it like you were going trick-or-treating in colorado and i looked at my girlfriend i was like did you know this and she's like and and think great girl she immediately goes in on her she doesn't even respond to me she just goes in on jane the fuck are you thinking none of us want to be in here with that you've got plutonium in the back seat in the middle of east atlanta is it a trash bag

no no but it's like a purse it's like a little it's like a girl's like purse full i mean it's full fun like it it is so much it's an amount. If I had an ounce of weed here, I would end up getting rid of a lot of it because I could not smoke through that faster than it all crisped up and got dry and shitty. Vacuum seal it or something. All right, Taylor. You're in a hurry. You need to smoke a pound of weed.

How quickly can you get it done? Do I have any other obligations? No, this is your only mission. Okay, then... I do an ounce a day. I do an ounce a day easy. No, you have to smoke it. You can't...

No cooking it down into stuff. I'm going to use a bong. I'm going to use a bong. I'm going to use a bong. There is no way you can smoke an ounce of weed in a day. And absolutely smoke an ounce of weed in a day. There must be a wasteful process. Like 15 blunts or something?

Like to put it all in a trash bag and... That's like... In your head. Please. Dude, that's... ounce of weed there must be a waste 15 blunts or something put it all in a trash bag and i mean i know this is a hot box no no we all watched um the squirrel and spongebob square pants you need a system like that i need it spongebob pinky pinky i do that just for the people out there who are like god i wish kyle and woody knew more about spongebob Pinky I do that just for the people out there Who are like god I wish Kyle and Woody knew more About Spongebob because I Dude Spongebob references I will have People tweet me and be like I liked That little Patrick line

You included like just a little Difference and like that's a line Between the like five years of Difference between me and Kyle's age is you Missed Spongebob I've told the story before but That's a line between the like five years of difference between me and Kyle's age is you missed SpongeBob. No, no, no. I've told the story before, but that was my 10th grade prom. I woke up and that was the first time I ever.

So when was I in 10th grade? That was like 2002. So how old were you in 2002? Were you was that when you were in the SpongeBob? I was 11. Yeah. Were you in? Is that your life?

I like Spongeob a little younger than that up to like then yeah so i was being exposed to it then but my my first exposure to it was this waking up so fucking sick and from from over drinking as a 16 year old at a place i didn't want to be in with no ride home and and and some dudes that i don't even like like are watching spongebob sitting there and they're like offering me a beer and i'm just like god i'm sick i'm i'm gross because i've been vomiting all night i have this heartburn because i was drinking mike's hard lemonade and vodka you know 16 and throwing up and uh and i don't have a way home and i'm still wearing like half my prom clothes

which are like uncomfortable and like sticky ish now like from you know i've been sweating all night i haven't had a fucking shower i slept on a floor like and there's spongebob playing and hello and i'm just like somehow that show fused into the feeling right here of nausea, sadness. It also had gone terribly with my day. She had gotten mad at me because I made a joke about drunk driving. Her uncle had been killed by a drunk driver like five years before. I had no idea. My joke wasn't even mean.

It was just like, yeah, man, he's a grown man. Have a beer. I don't care. He's driving. Like the limo driver wanted a beer. Yeah, just a little banter. you're trying to be funny yeah our grown-ass limo driver wanted one of the beers that he had picked up for us and i'm like it's grown-ass man it's a limo okay we're not we're not like zipping in our traffic here he we're going through crunch

yeah give him a fucking beer he just got us all beer like and she's just and like so i'm not getting any i'm not even kissing but you know nothing she's gone as soon as we get back to the party house you know what i mean so spongebob is forever like fused with that feeling the feeling of like fucking up i thought losing the date not getting laid much not even kiss not even grabbing a titty like nothing uh also nausea incredible heartburn all the worst feelings are fused to spongebob square pants fucking anodized into it by a goddamn mountain troll and he never forgave and he never forgot all right now that you're putting it like that i'm thinking about what Spongebob is. And like Spongebob's laugh that like must have been so fucking grating, like waking up, just resonating in your ears.

Man, well, I'm sorry you couldn't enjoy Spongebob because of, you know, your date not liking your joke and then abandoning you, not even giving you any grab action. Really, Really inappropriate. You were just trying to help out the guy who bought you beer. The beer that would cost you a shitty morning the next morning. I stand by that, by the way. I was a grown-ass man. He was 30s, 40s or something like that.

He had just explained... Oh, I know what it was. He told us a joke about doing a line of cocaine as long as his arm and then driving Britney Spears from Atlanta to Miami. That's what it was he told us a joke about doing a line of cocaine as long as his arm and then driving britney spears from atlanta to miami that's what it was was this a joke or something you said he did something he said he did he was telling us like the coolest stuff that had ever happened to that limo and uh he was talking about like like sex parties and um he said he saw britney spears and he said something about her ass being fake as well as her tits or something.

He had all these dirty things to tell us. But one of them was about how he did this huge line of cocaine and went from Atlanta to Miami in one stretch with some celebrity or something. She hated that story, I think. Whatever. Anyway, I don't like Spongebob to this day. I've never

given it a chance. I'm sure it's great. Y'all all love it so much. You don't need me to like it for you to like it, though, do you? No, not you. It is. It's just it's the opposite for me. Like, I just remember it as a silly, goofy, carefree, no stakes show that actually had some good jokes, like had some funny like jokes about implication implication about like you know spongebob being gay with patrick or like just just like some some like adult jokes thrown in which you didn't fully understand at the time which i've been following the king of hill uh reboot over on

uh h um hulu and uh and i saw two pitches initially the pitch was to age them forward about 15 years or so and so bobby would be kind of like he'd have a kid or like be struggling with that or something and hank and peggy would be you know like like boomers essentially you know they'd be getting on into their 50s and 60s or so um but i think that didn't go over well and like they may have reversed course to just abide by the current timeline or maybe skip forward just a little bit. But some people are like,

oh, but that takes the wind out of the final episode where Hank and Bobby find that kinship with grilling meat or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, that's the point. We're rebooting the shit. We're doing it again. We're coming back. Stop pretending like we're not.

All right. I know y'all aren't going to allow that white man to do the korean voice anymore like we're gonna give you that one just just just give me the show they better let khan be the same voice no of course they're not i i'm not gonna like that i'm not gonna like that one bit they well they're not gonna fire him he also does the voice of like either jimbo or uh mr strickland. Mr. Strickland? Yeah, I mean, I would be pissed if they changed the voices. I like those voices. We'll see if they sound the same. South Park's new season just began over on HBO.

I watched episode one, thought it was pretty good, but the voices are different, noticeably different. I think maybe I'm particularly good at catching that, but I noticed for sure Cartman's voice is very different. And Kyle and Stan have more differentiation. That's the right word. These days, they used to be almost indistinguishable at times. And now there's this big difference between the two.

Cartman's lost a little bit of that. Like a little bit of that was gone. And it was more straightforward, kind of just a break off of that was gone. And it was just more like, and it was more like straightforward, like kind of just a break off of what Stan sounds like, but with a little bit of, and like, like just not as much, I don't know.

There was a difference in the, in the, in the, in the sound of the whole show. It, sometimes I get scared with animation like that. Like how far are they away from just using one of those AIs and just completely phoning it in for the rest of their lives.

Some, some, I'd watch a show made by that unleashed AI. I'd want to see what it came up with. from just using one of those AIs and just completely phoning it in for the rest of their lives. I'd watch a show made by that unleashed AI. I'd want to see what it came up with. One of the guys in the $50 patron discord sent me a thing earlier today or yesterday, and it was him telling me that he had followed my advice and he'd lost a tremendous amount of weight and gotten in shape. But the way he did it was he used an AI program that sounds identical to me to tell all of that to me with audio. So I told myself all of the wonderful things that have happened to him and

I'm listening to it. So befuddled, so befuddled because I'm like, yeah, that's, that's exactly what I sound like. That's me. The more of your voice that's out there.

So like all three of us, you could come up with great ones for, for anyone on radio or podcasting. You can do a pretty good one. I imagine it's tremendous. I was, but I'm good on him. Like I was almost distracted by his stats. I mean, he'd lost a tremendous amount of weight, like, you know, dozens and dozens of

pounds or something. But I was distracted because it was me telling me through that goddamn what was it? Eleven or something like that. I think that might be the one. Hmm. I think that's the same thing that Mitty's been using to do as David Attenborough voices.

David Attenborough. 96 years young. That guy. I want to talk about the fucking UFOs, the balloons that we've been shooting down because it's super embarrassing. And they even asked

at the press conference. I love that someone asked the question. This was like three days ago. They asked that black lady who does the press conferences now the um we're gonna be embarrassed if it turns out that yeah we're gonna be embarrassed if it turns out that we've been shooting sidewinder missiles and chasing uh with f-22s with tankers in the air for for dozens of hours and and what we were shooting down with civilian weather balloons and maybe even decorations um

well uh i'm saying we're all proud of the military and everything they do it's just like pivoting and like won't even like deal with the question then it turns out yeah that's what we've been doing like what happened was in case you weren't following along is like we had that one chinese balloon that flew over and it's scary so they were were like, how did we not see it sooner? And so they changed the radar to pick up objects moving slower than 80 knots or whatever. They turned that down, the speed detection part. And suddenly the radar grid lights up. And they're like, send the jets. Send the F-22s.

Send the F-16s. We've got to shoot Sidewinder missiles at all of these. And every time. Have we really been doing that? Yeah. That's really embarrassing. That's what the last week's been. And the fun part was when they shot at the one over,

maybe the Great Lakes or Alaska, I don't remember which, but they missed with the first Sidewinder missile. It hit a balloon? To be fair, they're not meant to hit balloons, but, you know. Oh, it better be able to hit a balloon, man. It's like they're 400 grand a piece or something like that, and everybody gets stuck on that number.

They're like, we wasted a $400,000 missile. Do you know what it costs to fly an F-22 per hour? I think it's like $80,000 an hour if it's flying. I do think that, I like that point. It's like, yeah, so they wasted 400K. Do you have any idea the countless tens of billions they waste every few months? And it's like, yeah, because things like this contribute to that. Just doing whatever you want all the time because there's infinite money for it.

Super embarrassing. Something I don't understand is like China has, maybe you guys can tell me, like China has satellites which are better than balloons at seeing things on the ground. So they weren't trying to see on the ground. Yeah, you can zoom in with satellites. They have satellites. Yeah, true. You can zoom in. You can see stuff way better than like a fucking balloon up there.

Like it's just, why would they do a balloon? So they're not trying to see things that the satellites are plenty good at seeing everything um they're trying to pick up communications it's it's they're trying to pick up communications as they fly over and all of north america and we're not talking about your tv or your like short band radio they're trying to pick up military communications they flew right across where the icbms are they flew across the miss Missouri base where the B-2s are at. They were scanning and picking up military signals and also obviously getting tons of information.

Aren't those satellites done? Like our military communicates with satellites, right? No. Well, there's radio signaling on the ground going back and forth. That's how we like do all of – that's how we we communicate it's just such a weird situation because it's like they were trying to get this information and it was so important that we allowed them to go across the entire continent long ways unimpeded the fun part was like all right so there's an island where they launched these there's an island where they launched these balloons from and so we watched

them launch the balloon we were aware of its launch as soon as it yeah i can't remember the name of it i'm serious xinjiang island you call baroon iron but but they watched them uh i watched the cnn um reporting on this that that dolt of a woman they've got on there she she was like so well yeah you know we watched them launch the balloon we understand but like what what's the worst that could happen he's like well could we guarantee can congress guarantee can the joint staffs agree that we knew for sure there wasn't a nuclear weapon on that balloon he's like well that would be quite a feat launching a nuclear weapon from a balloon and it's like you dumb bitch he goes well you just drop it i'm glad he said that but i wish he'd expounded upon that and said like actually that's the

easiest way to deliver a nuclear weapon they just proved that they can deliver a nuclear weapon to the entire continental united states and detonated above our cities they just did it all they have to do is strap one in there there's no way proved they can go four miles an hour across all of canada and the u.s and we apparently miss missiles or we go, this is a threat. We're going to talk about it for six days and do nothing. Well, then the other thing is as China's sitting there like, oh, they shot one Baroon.

Then they watch us freak out as we shoot ghosts in the dark and start adding up a body count of Chinese Baroons. And they're like, General, was it just one Baroon or four Baroons? of Chinese baroons. And they're over there like, they're like, uh, Jenner. Was it just one baroon or four baroons?

And he's like, only one baroon Jenner. And he's like, and they laugh in Chinese at us because we're, we're shooting in the dark at like, we're like, we're, we're painting the sides of F-22s with balloons and UFOs over here. And in reality,

what we actually have done is shot down like News Channel 7 with Rick the Weatherman Stevens' balloon. Or we shot down 7th Grade Science Project's balloon. Some poor hobbyist is trying to learn. They're helium balloons. You can just order them. You can go right now and buy the balloon they shot down. It's fucking embarrassing. They said it was the size of a car.

Those are $65 balloons. The helium's expensive, but you get where I'm coming from. We could throw together a whole swarm of these. Well, that's ridiculous. And then paint advertising on the side of them. I didn't know we were shooting down random fucking hobbyists' balloons.

That's exactly what we were doing. We were chasing them around across the entire fucking North America. The Arctic. They're up near the North Pole with what we were doing we were chasing them around across the entire fucking north america the north the arctic they're up they're up near the north pole with with stealth fighters fighting weather balloons and then they're like oh there's one over the great lakes too all right well it's we're so good at doing this stuff to be fair like it's kind of cool that like a weather balloon flew over and they send a tanker plane taylor and then then they send a radar jamming plane above that one. And then they have a whole swarm of support planes and stealth fighters

that are all there to kill whatever somebody saw on a radar. It's pretty cool. I mean, but you also said we're missing with Sidewinder missiles. See, I don't think that's a big deal, though. Those are meant to hit planes that are hot, probably. Planes notoriously more static than balloons. Planes notoriously faster than balloons. That's the problem.

It's a lot harder to hit something that's sitting there not moving than it is. It would normally be able to track the thing over time, right? And then the way it works is it explodes. It doesn't fly through the targets. It explodes. I thought it did. No, it explodes. It doesn't move. That makes sense. I explodes like a grenade. No, it explodes. I think you're wrong.

You know what the most guarded technology of World War II was as far as the United States was concerned? You might think the Manhattan Project. Nuclear submarines. You'd be close. No, World War II. Taylor, you got it. The spaceship.

It was truly closely guarded. The proximity. It was the space shuttle going to watch the hippie shuttle. Yeah, it was truly closely guarded if you didn't even. The proximity. Yeah, you had no idea. It was the space shuttle that was the most closely guarded. To this day, Kyle doesn't know about the space shuttle program of 1937. You do. You do.

The proximity fuse, which allows anti-aircraft rounds to burst in the air when they get near enough to the plane. That way you don't have to actually hit a plane in the air with a bullet that's flying real fast because that's like impossible almost. But if you can shoot a bullet up there that pings with a little bit of radar and when it gets a ping back it explodes in the air and bursts that

millimeters thin aircraft fuselage. And there's a guy in there. Doesn't want to get hit with shit either. Um, but we would only use that technology over water, um, for the entire war. So the enemy couldn't, uh, acquire our debt, our proximity fuse technology. They did find it though, because the device floats, they didn't realize. It's not true. It is.

No, it's not. It doesn't sound true at all. Misinformation is a powerful thing. Not today. And I'm trying to spread some. I won't have it. I won't have it. Sometimes you just want to go online and spread misinformation. I mean, every week around.

Around this time is when I think we all excel at that. Around 8 p.m. I'd like to get on in here and get started on it. Yeah. That's such a funny thing with doing a show like this. It's just like something will come up and it's like, all right, I need to have some kind of fucking take on this. Other than like, yeah, that's fine.

Like, whatever. No, I have strong opinions about all these things. I won't always give my real opinion. I usually go to the opposite. But, like, I watch enough news throughout the day that I just actually get upset by it. I didn't used to. I got to stop doing it.

I got to get away from the news. You can't let that negativity run riot in you, man. You got to just focus on positive things. The NHL. They're also stupid. Build orders for Age of Empires 2. All sorts of things like that. Got two wins in the 1v1 ranked ladder.

I'm an epic god of gaming now. How many losses? I'm actually 2-0 in 1v1s. I've only played two. Yeah, no, two wins. You need context for that, really. That could be terrible. You've got to play a game from this decade. Only 400 tries.

It kills me, Kyle, because I know you'd have so much fun playing with us. Vovity's loving it. I've been playing all week. It sucks. No, you haven't. Of course I have. No, you haven't been playing. You fibber! But I would... It would be fun.

I like the Chinese. Do you start with more villagers? You do. Goddamn, you actually did download it. Yeah, don't... I think the farms give like plus 50 as well. Nope. He watched a video.

He watched a video. I watched 50 videos, Woody. That's the start. I'm trying to keep you from not downloading. That's how you start. Oh, it's downloaded. I've got it. I've been playing.

I'm still loving that. If you are playing at all, then play with us but like if i did that i'd be rewarding bad behavior it you know i can't do you gotta play a modern game i will i will i'm gonna buy i'm buying warhammer 40k and i'm gonna play that with you and and i will have fun with that, and you'll have fun playing AoE 2. You're naturally good at games, dude. You'll pick it up quickly. That's a bad one, though. It is the most complicated RTS out there,

and that's why it's great. I want to play a modern RTS. I didn't watch it, but a YouTube video got pushed to me yesterday, and it was like, three amazing RTS games for 2023 and i was like yeah exactly that's what i want to play i want to play the new thing i want to play like the cutting edge thing that like has a player base that hasn't been grinding for a decade too see

that's the thing that i try to avoid as well is jumping into games with those battle-hardened player bases jumping into call of duty uh of Duty is a little ridiculous these days. Xbox? No, AOE2 just released on Xbox. Oh, I'm aware. So there is an enormous influx right now of noobs that are playing. And it's emo based.

Did you ever get your PC? It did. Yeah, it arrived today. I just got it. Today? Yeah. Yeah, it just showed up. I haven't even taken it out of the box.

I just got it. Good for you. Good for you. Jesus, it took months. It took haven't even taken it out of the box. I just got it. Well, good for you. Good for you. Jesus, it took months. It took so long. It took a literal month. Yeah, good thing you paid for the no-rush shipping. I paid for the take-your-time shipping, apparently.

The no-rush, you do you. They pay you $150. This is called fuck-off shipping. You don't get it. But that's cool. Age of Empires is going to look so similar to how it does on your old one. Well, see, AoT can play on anything. I just like it because I love straight.

I play on my phone. Yeah, you can play on your phone. Dude, you know what? I have been playing the bloody of mine. I ported it to a pregnancy test. It doesn't take a lot of computational power dude this this is like you know when when someone's like in those movies where it's like you're people are playing tennis and then the guy's like maybe now i'll use my right hand and

then it's like he was great at tennis the whole time this is bright one of my buddy yeah this is bright one of my buddies who's been playing AoE with us is like, has, you know, like everyone's been slowly getting better and better, but, you know, still not as good as I am or anything. And just today, randomly, we have a chat where we were texting and talking about it. And he tells me he plays on a laptop and he messages, he goes, I'm going out today to buy a mouse. It's going to be easier to play with a mouse. And I was like, wait, you've been playing Age of Empires for the last month with us on a trackpad.

And he was like, yes. And I'm like, I am beyond blown away that you were able to play this game like that. I told him, you're going to be like, this is like someone. You're like, oh, are you getting a mouse mouse i am going to stop using a guitar hero yeah if you use a mouse you think i'm still playing on the dance dance revolution you fuck now i'm being attacked! He's like that guy in the Olympics from 1899

who was throwing discuses made of tungsten. He's going to be able to come and start competing in a real way. That blew my mind. I will play a ton of Warhammer with you if you ever want to play that, Warhammer 3. Or 2, if you have 2

and don't care to buy 3. I actually refunded 3 now that I think about it. I played it a little bit, and I do this all the time. If you play a game, I'll figure out I like it, but I'll be like, eh, I don't want to play it right now, so I'll refund it in case I just change my mind later. I can always get it back, but I can't get the money back later, so I always refund right away. I just kind of want to taste.

I want to sample, and they just always give me the refund back because I've probably bought $3,000 for games from them over the years. Fucking Steam. Steam sale. Anyway, I'll play any amount of that you want to play. And the game that's about to come out that a lot of people

I think are hyped for, it's the number one on the Steam wish list right now. It's in the most people's wish list is the forest sequel the the sons of son of the forest or children of the forest or whatever it is that's the game the original is of course the forest and it's a game that I played a ton years ago with with midi and all the all the boys and it's like a co-op survival game and if and there's a storyline as well you know your son's been kidnapped by the

by the this ghoul on the island that you've crash landed your plane onto and uh you've got to kind of minecraft your way up through hat to the point we've got some weapons and shit because you know you're chopping trees down it's like all right three branches makes a staff a staff plus a rock now you're gonna work you need some rope now all right now you got a spear. A staff plus a rock, nah, that ain't gonna work. You need some rope. Now you got a spear. You do a lot of crafting like that, like common sense crafting. But the fun part is you have to spelunk a lot

down into these caves into the ground to acquire the various items that you'll utilize to get to end game where your son is being held. Like let's just, your son's essentially in a castle. Well, you'll need a climbing axe for that wall. You're gonna need some oxygen to go under that water. You're going to need some fins to swim. So you're going on these little spelunking missions

throughout this big island acquiring those items, and you go down in those fucking caves, dude, and it's drip, drip, drip, drip, pitch black. Your light is often a Bic lighter. You'll be like you'll be like but you know how those things are they get hot so he'll be like ah and all of a sudden it's darkness again and you hear you're like all right well fuck i i definitely heard it that time yeah and there's monsters

down more scared of the monster than the heat. There's horrific monsters down there. And in the first game, when you're like, when you've played a ton of hours and you've got all of the gear, all of the gear means you've got a shitty gun with three bullets and a bunch of hand-thrown spears. Okay? The sequel looks not only wildly better as far as the graphics go,

it looks slick. And I've got a really well-polished trailer that I've seen the trailer 10 times and every time i see it i'm like fuck you that eight-legged woman i'd fuck her right in her three pussies that's so hot and that it was there's like cannibal ghoulish um genetic abominations of humans on on this island this time it seems that you're going back with like the boys you're fucking geared up tarkov style everybody's going and ready to rock and roll and instead of like i'm sure there'll be some like clacking of two rocks together early on but it looks like eventually you're gonna have a 12 gauge you're gonna be able

to to to purify that island of its of its evil so i'm pumped for that game that game looks great the atmosphere that provides and the the teamwork that we can all and it's sort of this ongoing thing so like me and you could play for three hours build a build a hut we go down to the first cave we both get our climbing axes woody could hop in like all right what do you live in our house and and here here's some sticks and shit you want to go get that climbing axe real quick or you want to run and get the compass all right come with us we'll get the compass and like it's this ongoing like thing where he can pop out new people can pop in and it's just never in the world that one of us like that yeah it's a lot of fun um and and you know the what it's not like a cod or something where you gotta be clicking heads the enemies come at you like ah and it's it's scary to fight them but

it's not like who can click on their heads the fastest it's more of like you're often hacking them up with a hatchet or something. And you'll like rub shit on your face so you look like them and they don't recognize you. There's lots of cool stuff you can do. It's a fun game. I'll check that out. I'll give it a go. Which game is that again?

I'll have to take advantage of my NPC's abilities. Sons of the Forest or Son of the Forest or like Children of the Forest. One of those. Children of the Forest. Not coming to mind, right? Sons of the Forest. One of those. Children of the Forest. Sons of the Forest. Yeah. Do you remember that article you were reading

with the best new RTS games? It's not out yet. No, that's what I was saying. It's the number one thing on the wish list. So this is a sequel. So I described to you what the gameplay in the first game was like. The cool thing in the second one is like everything looks better. The first one was almost early access,

and we almost, I was like, come on, I don't know about this or that. But the everything looks better. The first one was almost early access and we almost, it was like, come on, I don't know about this or that, but the world looked good. The world looked fantastic and it looks even better this time. And the crafting is kind of seamless. A lot of games when it's time to actually do a thing with your hands,

they're like, ah, look away while we magic up something. This one, it's like, like, I don't know. You're clearing the, the little sticks and stems off that branch and like crafting your shit up and wrapping stuff up with uh with rope and uh i don't know i i dug

the first one a lot it's it's uh it's really fun to play with with friends yeah ads taylor yes we wanted to do them before the guests came very smart what's first what's first freeze pipe freeze pipe is first you guys have your freeze pipes you could hold up? Well, I felt like I didn't want to have a freeze pipe in my house. So, no. No, I don't. I was more mean than Woody. I can.

Hold on. It's back here. As much as I respect freeze pipe, and I'm sure they're incredibly high quality, it just didn't seem like something I should possess as a former marijuana fellow. No, a current marijuana fellow. And that doesn't go away. That's like, I got that stain on me. Yeah.

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And there's a little black piece of plastic that woody didn't have on there that it came with and you yeah yeah you slide that onto it after you've inserted the cold part and it locks it together so that then you don't you can like obviously just grab the top of it you don't have to grab the bottom and support it like you're you know i'm gonna still grab it from the bottom though if i'm carrying that thing around yeah it's a good habit support the balls you should include instructions because once i figured out that this wasn't a dildo i stopped knowing how to use it really it's just do you want do you want what he's like the big problem with this is it stinks

i used it once and now it stinks it broke right off you guys gotta use tougher glass little one like you wouldn't like when i got him at first i was like i'm kicking off with like the bong mostly because it's you know it's the bigger thing and also i'm like more more more size equals more cold but like that little one has that little like you know pigtail swirly q thing and so the i've got the for after the show i've got the small one freezing in my my freezer right now and that thing's fucking awesome it is the big one also in your freezer the big one is not i it's still sitting out from last night so i'm gonna have to do a changing of the guard

so to speak after the show always keep one frozen so check out freeze Pipe. High quality, high quality smoking. This episode also brought to you by RealDBG.com. That's RealDBG.com. Happy New Year. Or wait. Happy Valentine's Day. No, fuck. What's next? President's Day.

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You're going to be able to get high as shit on gummies. Have you tried the HHC? I have not yet. He sent me some, but I haven't got him yet. But he actually included... Those are HHC? He sent me to talk about this. So he told me to include this. They are coming out with HHC

gummies and they already have the HHC carts, and apparently, you know, the HHC gummies have a little bit of, a little mustard to them, a little power. The Delta 8 ones had some mustard to them, Taylor. They don't fuck around here. They don't go,

oh, are you trying to get a little stoned? Well, then take a little nibble. I haven't tried it yet. They've been sitting here on my desk since they got here, and I haven't had an evening that I was like, I wanted to be present every evening this week, essentially. I want to have conversations with people. I want to be able to enjoy the program I'm watching or whatever.

But as soon as I'm ready to forget an evening happened, I'm going to eat one of these bitches and see what's up. And I'll have a review for next week. But yeah, in my experience, I've got a pile of them because it's all I smoke, more or less. HHC in general. These are so goddamn dopey strong. They make me a

stupider human being, which is what I'm going for more or less. I'm just so goddamn smart. And I can't imagine how stupid these are going to make me feel. HHC is a real deal, very strong cannabinoid. Apparently, it's quickly becoming, I think, already

now may be the most popular of the legal state weeds. Can you tell it's HHC by that packaging? Because I've been taking that every night for like a month now. No, the packaging is identical. The difference is going to be the HHC stamp right here.

That presumes that I read labels before I eat. You'll need to read, sir. I might be in for a surprise. I could totally see myself just dumping that one in because it looks like the other. Well, we don't know what the difference is yet. I will say that there's a massive difference between Delta-8 vapes, HHC vapes.

But now we're talking about edibles, and that's always just – I'm going to find out. I'll let you all know next week. I saw a few people in Discord got a boot. We were, like, exchanging pictures of these jars. It's just so much in one jar, man. It's 20. Yeah, there's 2,500 milligrams here. He, you know, Sai, the guy, shout out Sai,

the guy I talked to from their real DBG. He asked me, he was like, hey, go like, go buy some edibles at like a dispensary, just like whatever their most popular ones are. Take some and like, tell me like how they compare and power and like price point to what we do market research it is an abs i i tried some like like 10 milligram each edibles that you get like from the dispensary you cannot go back from these like powerful ass gummies like these these real like real thc ones these are a fucking joke these are i took like i haven't taken a regular thc edible in a long time

i took 20 milligrams just to see just see what was up i i could only tell i was like getting high and like got high because i was like looking for it like that's how weak it was in comparison to so so i guess i didn't message him this but yeah these are way fucking stronger and these this is 2500 milligrams and it was cheaper than the total 100 milligrams that like i bought at or that was the same price another thing i would mention about those gummies um in my experience that's kind of unique to them is they're faster acting than a traditional edible um i always the two hour rule is always has always been so like precise for me when eating edibles it's almost like magical it's like wow like two hours and two minutes or like an hour and 59

minutes that's when it kicked in weird with these it's like i mean 20 minutes later i'm like feeling a little relaxed and a little something going on. It's like that first beer buzz kind of thing going on. And then you just kind of slide. And the next thing you know, you're sitting there like holding your phone and it's died on you. Dude, I'll do that. Like I was sitting watching that god awful show the other week, Banshee, which I retracted my endorsement of. And I remember I was sitting down and I was just stoned as shit.

And I went to pick up an empty Diet Pepsi. And I was like, oh, I'm out of Diet Pepsi. Oh, I'm so thirsty. And I just kept sitting there for like 30 more minutes. I was so cooked out of my mind until I was like, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, thirsty, thirsty, thirsty. Yeah, let's hop up and get myself another soda. It it puts you on the moon like you don't fuck around with them.

We're not joking about it to sell more gummies. Take advantage of it. Make them last a long. If you have a low tolerance, these will last you fucking forever. So take advantage of that. And I think that's it. Oh, and lock and load. You know what you're going to want to do when you're high as shit,

smoking out of a freeze pipe and taking real DBG? And watching Finster just shake it on Twitch. You're going to want to come. You're going to want to be service. You're going to want to masturbate. And you want to impress yourself. Yes. And so what you're going to want is lock and load.

Everyone knows. Everyone knows that being high makes your orgasm better. It's common knowledge. Everyone knows. When I want to bust a nut, I get stoned as shit. Ask anyone. Talk to anyone about it. And this is what...

Well, that's not... You have a different voice then. Who... Hey, I'm Bill Clinton and I endorse... Obama. Barack Obama inhaled. You go all the way. What does Obama sound like?

Don't really remember. Lock and Load is the finest cum pill you've ever seen. People are talking about it. People are saying, wait, wait, is he lower? Is he down in? You got to lose the vocal fry. I thought he had a. No, you're right. You have to lose the vocal fry.

See, there's multiple Obamas. One of the things that makes Obama different is he slides into kind of a country slangy thing sometimes, like Bill Clinton would. But when he's talking to white people, he loses the vocal fry entirely. And he's very crisp and well-spoken, as Joe Biden likes to say articulate

maybe anyone who knows me knows how much i like to come lock and load is the official cum supplement of barack hussein obama and it is a i don't know it's not i don't think we can legally say that so it is he is in no way affiliated affiliated with this bad impression or this dumb supplement. So check out Lock and Load. Code PKA. Code Jizz. Bust like the 44th president of the United States.

Lock and Load. There's a non-zero chance Obama takes Lock and Load. That's true. Yeah. You can't disprove that. If you would like some, the link is true. Yeah. You can't disprove that. No one's mad. If you would like some, the link is below. Yeah.

The link is below. Obama, do you need it? I'll never get tired of that little joke. So CodePK, CodeJizz, and also pre-workouts, protein, everything else on Derek's site. CodePK and CodeJizz works for all of that stuff as well. Speaking of protein powder, after a of weeks ago, the United States, of course, struck Turkey with their seismic weapon,

um, to destabilize slash to destabilize the region and stabilize the world, which is our mission. As far as I'm concerned, that's that. It should say that on the side of every, you know, how the cops have protect and serve, but on the inside of the naval,

like aircraft carriers, it should say to destabilize and guard or some shit like that that's all we fucking do and control to lie and destroy to to influence and uh and deceive yeah so so after so i saw that two brothers survived nine days trapped in a crushed building on their urine and protein powder here's's the question, Taylor. Do you mix the urine with the protein powder and make a little shake, or do you eat little handfuls of it and then power it down with a little bit of piss?

The last thing you want to be doing is coughing in there. It's going to be dusty enough, so I would say use the piss to kind of get... That's a ridiculous reason. Well, you want to be trapped in rubble like this, eating... Like, you're not going to be trapped in rubble like this eating... You're not going to be able to keep it down. Remove that from the equation.

We have a dust-free environment. I'm still going piss. Mixing. You're making a piss shake. Yeah, because I don't want to... I would rather drink a worse-tasting vanilla or chocolate shake than just piss and eat powder. I'll tell you what I'd do.

I'd try the shake with you at first to see like how much of the piss taste the protein power is able to disguise. I'm not sharing my piss with you. It'd be, you'd have to put something in also. No, no, no.

We'll make separate piss shakes. Like I'm, we don't need to share. There's two cups. We should probably drink each other's piss. I don't think you're supposed to drink your own piss. It's part of survival. I don't know. Drink each other's piss. I don't think you're supposed to drink your own piss. It's part of survival. Drink your friend's piss.

How mad would you be if I had been... Straight from the tap. I've been drinking nothing but espressos and Coca-Cola. You're up there like you're on a cleanse or some shit. You're drinking the sunny water. You're like unbelievably hungover or something like that it's coming out like fanta you don't need to mix in protein power if you drink my semen just saying yeah you're pissed you piss in the bottle i'll take these things like

oh it cost me more calories to beat you off than i got this was a horrible trip one of the worst i'm over here tom story you. You'll love it. It's fun. You hand me your little cup of piss, and I have to knock the head of it off like a beer. You just pick up a piece of debris and put it at the top of it. Like we're in an Irish pub. Just pretend we're in Dublin,

just like crammed, drinking the smelly piss. Dude, Derek should reach out to those guys. Just pretend we're in Dublin, just like drinking. No, I guess, dude, I'm either OK. I Derek should reach out to those guys. And like I would want them like pimping my product, like like TikTok and like talking about how they survive. Thanks to that, that protein powder. Knowing Derek, he'd be like little known fact. Ammonia present actually makes the protein less bioavailable. Let's go.

And it's like that earthquake's wild, dude. known fact ammonia present actually makes the protein less bioavailable let's go through and it's like that earthquake's wild dude um hey i've the most interesting thing maybe interesting is not the right word the craziest thing is how they've been dealing with looters in the earthquake region now just for context according to my, these looters will do things like set up ambushes for the aid vehicles that are coming in. And they'll like take everything they've got, maybe even assault and kill people, rob them of everything they got, and then turn around and sell the things that were there for as like humanitarian aid to the poor people who just had their homes taken out.

Lots of like raping and and sexual assault as well, but they talked about how they would cut fingers off to get people's rings, dig gold out of people's teeth, things like that to bodies they found. Well, anyway, they do not take that shit kindly over there. I thought it was bad in Ukraine when they caught those looters last year, and they were whipping their asses red in the streets.

They beat the dog shit out of you in Turkey. These grown men are on the ground trembling from fear. And this guy, one of them, the guy's got a belt. I've seen eight separate videos, but one he's got, he's taking his belt off. And he is whipping these three men down and up, backstrokes

and forestrokes. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. And these guys are just trying to shield themselves and like that just makes it matter and then like i saw another one where they've got like batons that bend just a little just a little baton but they look enough to not upset their wrists so they can keep yeah yeah and they're beating them so mercilessly like kicking them in the faces over and over and over and these men are just beaten half conscious and they're beating them so mercilessly like kicking them in the faces over and over and over and these men are just beaten half conscious and they're all screaming half naked bloody begging and i'm just

like fuck around find out this is good stuff i've seen saluting again they were you know dead bodies and people's ruined homes and you know stealing from the uh aid that's being delivered that sort of thing you know the earthquake region in Turkey. Well, they take that pretty seriously. They seem to. I've seen so many sad stories. There was that dad, and he's holding his dead daughter's hand that's sticking out of the rubble until they can dig her out. I saw

two different instances of fathers who had shielded their children with their bodies and one of them, he died. The other one, when they dig him out out it's like how are you alive how are you alive at all because it's not like it's seemingly it's not like they're in like a big like dome that exists because this pillar landed like this or whatever and there was a space it's almost like they're just buried in a grave and they're just like digging i've saw so many little fucking dogs get dug out of the rubble

it's uh it's been sad to watch that footage but you know united states needed to do something yeah that's a that's kyle's little pup he's gonna give her a a dirty look i believe that's the little 28 year old pomeranian who who's who's struggling struggling well yeah because uh i thought kyle said she had like dementia ah could be maybe you know how it works where they like forget where they are and what they're doing it happens with people it does it's sadder when it happens to people because it's like damn that person used to be able to like talk and like do you ever do you think i'm fine yeah i'm enjoying my movies twice do you like does that thought cross your head where like you'll see someone in public like an elderly person being like led around by a handler like just like the

grocery store or something and you think like what like they like that person 60 years ago was like having a fun, carefree conversation with friends like after school or like in college or like what were they like? What was he into? What was his thing? What was he known for in his social circle? Like what's happened since then? Like if I asked him, would he be like, yeah, I had a great life or like, no, there's so much more to be done. Every time I see like a really old person, I'm fascinated that and i think i'm fascinated by it too i'm equally fascinated by old footage right like you see people from 100 years ago it's interesting now

like cameras have been around a long time by american standards you know what's yeah but like so it's like wow there's good footage of 1923. 1923, there were video cameras rolling. You can see New York. Back when horses and cars were sharing the streets together. That shit's, I don't know, somehow it feels more recorded when it's recorded in video form than some sketch in a Western or something. For sure. And it humanizes them a lot.

I went through a YouTube rabbit hole of just trying to find the oldest interview i possibly could like a film interview and there was one from like 1913 where they were in in 1913 they were interviewing like a hundred and three year old man and so like it was wild to see people from a century ago like baffled talking to someone a century prior and they're like so what do you think about these newfangled automobiles and he's like oh when i was a kid i could have never imagined such a thing could ever be and now it's i just don't know if i'll ever trust one as much as a horse like that kind of level of stuff and it's like this is 40 years later they went to the moon yeah 40 years later at the fucking moon allegedly i'm gonna ask me anything that i think is kind of interesting

it starts off wanting kyle in particular he's not here but it says you once talked about learning piano or code did Did you try it? And for all the guys, have you worked on any new skills recently? I thought, huh? Like you're prone to that. Like the candles is the last new skill that I feel like you talked about on the show. Yeah. The can or archery.

I did that last year for a while. I need to get back into that. That was a bunch of fun. I guess that's the most recent one like i got really into um smoking meats smoking meats that's true yeah i shitty weather for that so i haven't i haven't done it at all since it got cold because that kind of ruins a bit of the fun of it but i'm excited for spring i feel like it could be cool to like go outside in the snow have a smoker cooking in the snow no no it probably is it's just like a hot tub in the snow effect yeah i i was i really thought about buying a hot tub but uh oh

for this guy's question as far as like hobbies no archery candle making fucking age of empires too which is you know that's that's training me to be better at games from 23 years ago so that's something that you have to do. And I'll push back on Kyle while he's not here to defend himself. There's nothing wrong with old games. Nothing wrong with it. Sometimes they hit the nail on the head the first time. Do you take the claw and you pull it back out again?

No, it's a flush nail. It's perfect. It's perfect. That's what Age of Empires 2 is. It's a perfectly flush nail. And he's mad because the graphics aren't good enough. I don't care for it. Also, guys, don't talk about this part of the show in the comments we need this needs to be secret doesn't know that i was that i was arguing against his

phantom here i uh i also learned candle making i'm not really an expert i've burnt all my candles so we need to make more um i've gotten head over heels into reef keeping keeping a fish tank this is something that i did like a long time ago i went to the fucking reef central and i found my login from 23 years ago i'm like i have so much credit in this place now that's so fucking funny. Just pop it back into a forum and it says joined February of 99. Yeah, it's 2000, but yeah. That's hilarious. That's what it says. Dude, you are the O-est of Gs on a website like that.

I don't think keeping fish is an interesting show topic, so I don't tend to dominate with it or anything. So this time along, last time my wife was a passenger at best maybe she'd tolerate me talking about it now she's researching all these corals on what can get along so corals can be aggressive there's the tentacles and they'll kill corals if they're not similar to them if they're too close together yeah but we have a small tank so there's a lot of planning that goes involved in putting everything in the right spot which fish get along with each other etc and we are just we'll cycling the water right now there's a lot of planning that goes involved and putting everything in the right spot which fish get along with each other etc and we are just well cycling the water right now there's

no fish but just going over but we must spend six hours a day each of us combined like 12 hours combined thinking about how to do this right so that's my latest passion but i'm not sure it's great on the show topic but i ran through through the reef. Go ahead. I ran through the entire thought process of like jumping on your reef, keeping bandwagon. I was like, well, maybe I'll get a little tank. And then I was like, well, nah, I want a big one. I know I'd go, you know, eventually go to the big one. Uh, it's a lot of, a lot of shit you'd have to do. Yeah, you're right. Maybe we'll get a fake one. What a fake fish costs.

And what's the fake fish. I don't really make fake fish for that. And you got a light and you still got to keep that thing of water really maybe we get it and then i was like maybe i get a tv screen and i pop that in there like i was talking about make myself a fake aquarium that looks so real it's like as good as better than just like a sex doll essentially and uh but with fish you can't that you can't fuck i mean i guess you could you can anyway and and and and then i just was like no i just don't want to do any of it change my mind but i think that might be the the route to go you want to be a reef keeper and like really flex on people is to just stick a 4k tv in an aquarium and like mount it on the wall in such a way that you can't tell and be like yeah

yeah that's the uh that's the bulgarian spitfire yeah they bred it from me and there's only eight of them a legit reefer we call ourselves reefers like they did they really reefers are reef keeper yeah a real reefer is gonna see right through that little charade no way look here's what i'm gonna they're proud people here's what i want someone else to do for me buy me a tv no yeah i bet you could make the fake fucking like 4k tv aquarium and like slide into the the reefer subreddit over there and be like yeah i'm just starting what do you what do you guys think and like blow their minds with like three of the rarest fish in existence or something like that like i didn't know samsung made oh they wouldn't know they wouldn't know. They wouldn't know. I don't think you'd tell. Sony Reef Company.

It'd have to be really good not to tell. Oh, the question we were answering, it was an AMA, Kyle, and it's, are you any new hobbies, any new skills you're cultivating, was what it was. Skills. I couldn't think of any skills. And the ones I could think of are beyond useless. Archery, what the hell am I doing?

No, that's a good one. If you ever, you should go hunting. I don't know you haven't decided to like go kill an animal with that but it does seem like something taylor would like i'm sorry to cut you off but i'm no agree and amplify i do taylor would love hunting i just think he would i could see him getting into it and regaling us with tales of sitting in the woods and not seeing anything for six hours seeing anything but i brought my freeze pipe so it was still it was a blast i haven't hunted in years like i think it was like seven years ago i got a deer and that was the last time i've hunted so you have killed a deer yeah did you blood yourself like they do on yellowstone blood myself no we went over there and uh and then cleaned it and then ate it you didn't put it all over your face and eat the heart

anybody who does that who does that that's made up every hollywood yellowstone yeah it's so hilarious what those people like who've never like been to a farm think like farm life is like here's what it's like like like when you live in the country like people come there some and in any situation where people come they're like hey what's it like here there's all tons there's all kinds of ways to like fuck with newcomers and this is another one of them you send you on a snipe we send you to get a fucking left-handed stapler or we get you the the fucking turn signal fluid or whatever you know what i mean yeah cow tipping a made-up thing you know what a snipe punt is yeah i was convinced i'm out there looking for a man like we're just running

around through the woods it's all fun i once spent hours in the woods when my boy scout patrol sent me looking for a left-handed smoke shifter the smoke was it kept blowing into everyone's eyes and stuff so they're like woody see if any other campsites around here have a left-handed smoke shifter. I'm like, aye, aye. And you know, I just went for miles to place to place to place. Come ahead and heard of it. Miles! It wasn't until a trooper picked me up on

I-10 and informed me that they hoodwinked me and that the choppers were in the air. It wasn't until I was sitting cab with what I thought was a friendly trucker taking me to a local supply depot as they say in milwaukee cash grass or ass cash grass or ass you come back with a left-handed smoke shifter and you're like you better be fucking using this you don't know what i did on the road. As I wiped the semen off my chin. Yeah, so like the idea...

Since you brought that left-handed smoke shaker. The idea of putting that deer's blood on me is like... First of all, them things got ticks. Those ticks carry Lyme disease. I learned earlier in the show that animals don't have diseases that go to humans. And they smell awful. Not from their bites

necessarily, but the Lyme disease that those ticks are carrying could like ruin your life. I don't know how much you know about Lyme disease, but it's really odd how it affects people differently. And it's a lifelong ailment that there's no cure for. It's like an autoimmune disease. You end up with these issues with red meat and anemia, I believe as well. I could be making the anemia part of it. I know the red meat thing is a thing. Like you thing like you cannot eat it anymore and a lot of a lot of people have it and it's a lifelong

thing you might as well have aids or something now you've got no no it's readable confidence maybe that's what it is i thought that was secure yeah it's treatable it's uh it's pretty ridiculous so no i'm not fucking and they smell like like a dead deer immediately starts smelling a little bit you know but you don't want to like be rubbing that thing's bodily fluids on your face are you sure there's no cure and they're they're ripe with ticks and like i mean maybe they cured it like in the last five years or something i'm basing this on like the last time i saw a celebrity on rogan talking about his lifelong battle with lyme disease that sucks sucks. Dude, I get a little afraid of that every time I find a tick on me after I've

been outside or in the woods or whatever. I'm always like, I hope this is one of the good ones. I think it's that the symptoms go on forever, right? It just seemed like... I've also heard that it's uncurable. I heard that when I was younger. And I thought it had since been cured, but

this is not my area of expertise. I don't know. Yeah. I'm rewatching, um, um, the wire empire. Uh,

I put through the wire. That's, that's quality entertainment. I, I know you like those shows. And I also know that you're not alone, that most people consider them some of the best. Yeah.

Not for you. I've seen the wire twice. I love the first season and i liked the other seasons i just don't put it there with the best of the best i think it's the writing that pushes it over for me and like a couple of the characters in particular like like really do a great job and um no i i like it a lot but it is very slow and and you have to in season two um that ziggy character is just so obnoxious and even his cousin the other white guy they're just i feel like they're miscast or something like i don't i don't like those characters they they're it's it's not great

um boardwalk's great though i hadn't seen that in a while the only problem with boardwalk is you gotta somehow buy that steve buscemi is a tough guy and It's like, bro. How about Joe Pesci? Joe Pesci's stocky. I feel like he's no pushover. I bet he hits hard. But Steve Buscemi is just like this wimp of a lily flower kind of guy. He's just a wisp of a man. If I had to

guess, he's below 5'9", below 150, even in his prime. He's a little bitty fellow. So the idea that he's like below 5'9", below 150, even in his prime. He's a little bitty fellow. So the idea that he's going to conk some big galoot over the head and kick him in the ass, get out of my bar! Nah, that dude's going to scoop you up, dude. You better

have your goons surrounding you at all times because anybody in this room can throw you an ass whooping. Hollywood does that with the mob so much. Like, ooh oh here's a guy who's a good 220 pounds overweight not 220 pounds 220 pounds too fat but he's like a tough guy you lock the door and he's like an uh dude you know how unathletic that person is here's another guy steve buscemi here's another guy joe Pesci. Your whole crew is like the fucking island of misfit toys.

I disagree on this one. I think that big man is a real problem. That 400-pound man, I don't want Winks pushing me into a corner in a bar. I feel like if I pull him towards me, he falls down. I don't know. He's just a

tippy-toppy balance. He looks out. He's like an upside-down bowling pin yeah it's it's the difference between like an implied sort of um um scariness where like if tony soprano is threatening you not only are you afraid because he's a big scary man but you're also know that like shit even if i whoop tony's ass hell if i kill him even it doesn't end well they're not gonna he's not gonna go back like yeah woody whooped my ass boys he's the boss now it was a fair fight leave woody alone he he he kicked my butt in an honorable combat he's gonna be like i want you to go over tonight i want you to go get woody i don't want you to go get wo's family. And get that dog, that stupid fucking dog. Get that dog.

That's what's good. I'm with you on that, but sometimes I feel like these are people who aren't afraid of the mob. And they still, like, they're biker gang. Look, that biker gang would have kicked the fuck out of the mob in that situation.

They are all tougher guys. Yeah, I think that's just a casting problem more than anything and and like the way it's sort of displayed uh i don't know i i feel like if you look at the way like actual modern gangsters handle themselves man it's not even it seems like if anyone disrespects you they just come back and shoot them to death right like like that's what that's what most of that when you hear about like the gun violence in chicago it's a drug war that's happening it's gangsters fighting over corners and territory to sell drugs and they're killing each other and like who's the guy um in the nba that um um thievin a smith not thievin a smith the other one who the one that got the little lift

he's an announcer but he's no in the nba he's uh it's the big dude we were joking about him a couple shut the f**king dog it's that um it's the black guy who has the show with the older white guy uh he's a former player right shannon sharp is the one yeah oh he's a football player though yeah he was just called i remember he was calling some uh an nba player out for just being a gangster and yeah so shannon sharp was calling out john morant john morant apparently is not really a gangster but he's adopted that persona and just walks around on the court like don't fuck with me meanwhile i don't know how big he is but i think he's smaller than most nba players yeah yeah I guess what I was getting at is, like, it seems like the way modern gangsters do things,

like, they just shoot each other. There's no, like, mob boss that's on the streets who's talking a lot of shit, because anybody who does that gets shot to death, it would seem. Yeah, I guess. I mean, this isn't really my world, but... Yeah, I'm going off the wire mostly, right? Like, I feel like the wire's a pretty accurate representation of what's going on, like at

street level drug sales, right? Here's the situation that happens in movies. A guy's from out of town. He doesn't realize he's dealing with the mob, but he like gets his ass kicked because this mobster is supposed to be tough, but he doesn't seem very tough to me. It's like if I have the ability to win this fight and then leave town and never come back to that town, that's my move. Yet all these guys lose their fights.

Why? Because Joe Pesci's so handy with his hands? You're going to have to give me some examples. And again, these are just issues with movies that you have more than like... That's the issue I'm making. I'm not saying that in real life these gangsters are winning fights they shouldn't have.

I don't know. If you think about... The main one where Joe Pesci is like the real tough guy is like casino, you know. And if you look at like all the instances where he's conducting himself as a tough guy, he never squares up with anybody. He stabs people in the face when they aren't looking right. Or he gets his goons to hold you on a table and put your head in a vice. He wasn't like, hey, use and use. Come at me. He never did anything like that. his goons to hold you on a table and put your head in a vise he wasn't like hey use and use come at

me he never did anything like that he never just threatened some the only time he'd like actually wanted somebody it was like that fat older overweight lawyer that's the guy he grabbed and was like what the fuck are you gonna do this and that someone he could overpower everybody else oh you're not looking let me stab you in the ear dude he stabbed you in the ear i'm gonna start crying too don't stab me in the ear joe i didn't know in the ear? I'm going to start crying, too. Don't stab me in the ear, Joe. I didn't know when... Dude, I thought an ass-whipping was as bad as this could go. And I'm deaf as a leader.

We started off with deafness. I don't know. I'm afraid of Joe Pesci or anybody who's willing to stab me in the ear, even when it seems like things are okay now. It's because he's unpredictable and cruel. Did you step on my shoe? Yeah, sorry about that. He turns away. Ah, no ah no problem but he's really gonna stab me in the ear when i turn back to my drink like i'm terrified of that guy yeah because he's a he's not gonna

arm wrestle me woody he's gonna wait until you're not looking and stab you in the shoulder with a fork or something something worse probably something worse that would actually be not too bad compared to what he did to most people. Yeah, I'm scared. And then, you know, the classic one where Joe Pesci is scary is Home Alone. And if you're a child, Joe Pesci's terrifying. You know. Yeah, horrifying. Do you know what actually scared me

in Home Alone? Escape from New York? Not Escape from New York. What the fuck is it called? Lost in New York. Home Alone 2, Lost in New Yorkork lost in new york yeah i thought you said boston new york and i'm like i know that's not it lost in new york there was like as a kid i remember watching that and i would like turn away every time marv went to like get electrocuted in that warehouse because like him being like and like seeing his skeleton everything that scared me

i didn't like it i was like oh i know he's the burglar but i hope he's not too fucked up from that so i wanted him to die i was like you wanted to die i wanted to die in the first one i was a huge fan of home alone and i i although you know i was always like why don't we just get a real gun i was i was like i would just skip right to the gun you know if there were home intruders i feel like yeah it's like that's even as a child guy that old family guy sketch where it's like a realistic home alone and like the the guys come in immediately and he like throws a paint can down oh look out for that shoot him in the head yeah look out for that paint can hey there's some marbles on the floor

oh yeah i could watch out i could step on them they just kill them dead yeah that's what would happen like there's no amount of paint cans are gonna stop me from getting you little fuck yeah i'll kill that spider too oh i i'm a spider i'm gonna make you eat this you little piece of shit let me put it you up i'm a grown-ass man you think i'm afraid of a goddamn spider i'm coming i'm a robber i'm a home invader and get over yourself scared of you and your spider you're in some shit i'm moonlighting as a burglar i'm a murderer like yeah that's what that was the that was how they like made sure you hated them right like that first house there rob they they they turned all the water on. The wet bandits. They plug all the drains and learn all the water on.

And these people are away from their homes. Why do you always turn the faucets on? It's our calling card. We're the wet bandits. It's like, no one calls us that, Marv. It's such a horrific thing to do to somebody. That is the worst thing you could do to someone's house. It'd be better to burn it down.

At least you can walk away if you burn the motherfucker down, but if you, God, you'd walk in and be like, oh, maybe it's not that bad. It's ruined. You have nothing left. Nick, how are you? Good, good. Thank you for joining us.

Thanks for having me. Talking about nothing of consequence at all we're talking about home alone this is this is important how awful it was that not only were they robbing the houses but they were plugging the drains and turning all the water on the wet bandits were ruining lives yeah and i would bet that's probably illegal isn't it nick winter in chicago yes okay yeah yeah that would be highly illegal. Also stupid. They find you pretty quickly.

A trail of wet houses all in the Chicago Gold Coast area. And you're getting charges you don't need to get. You were there for clock radios and stuff. It was 92. But don't you think that that family had money to spare? Toaster ovens. So, Nick, thank you so much for joining us.

I was popping around your YouTube channel. I'm familiar with you through Dick Masterson, friend of our show and all that. He's a very funny guy. I was watching a video that you apparently like playing around with the idea of doing a podcast with uh kyle rittenhouse like as a as a as a co-host like like i don't know just an interview i i got him on for an interview finally it took forever um which was great no i i wanted to, during the trial, what I wanted to do was get, um, was be able to just coach him on his social media thing that would follow. Because I feel like,

I feel like he missed out on a million dollar opportunity to create a YouTube channel right at the height of all of the attention, uh, reviewing guns. I think that's what he should have done rather, rather than be paraded around to like all of the traditional conservative media. Yeah. What did everybody else do?

Yeah, exactly. That's a good way. I wonder if he would have done well at it or if he would have been made to look a fool. He's a young guy. You put a camera on him and a mic in front of him. It won't take long before the people don't like him. Yeah. But the people who don't like him, but the people who don't like him you can

shucks this show alone I'm sure there's 90 seconds of me looking like an absolute ass they can do that to him repeatedly no none of us have oodles of clips of being retarded you put a producer behind the camera that knows what they're doing right welcome

to straight shooters with Kyle Rittenhouse you know you can have some fun I come up with a shooter i like it already my god of all the criticisms they leveled him it's not that he can't shoot straight yeah yeah i mean welcome to the fuck around and find out podcast with your host kyle rittenhouse the map remover yeah yeah you can have tons of puns um and then merch and and i always point out that it's incredibly tasteless but i point out that person who was a friend of a friend of a friend or whatever who made all that money selling those trayvon martin targets um they just sold like hotcakes yeah um and tasteless as it was i i know that it was six or seven figures just selling those paper targets for a couple bucks a piece like it's like all those companies Yeah. And tasteless as it was, I know that it was six or seven figures.

Just selling those paper targets for a couple of bucks a piece. Like it's like all those companies that made shit tons of cash selling like fuck Trump and Trump rules hats like on the same Web page. Like, yeah, people will buy it just to piss off the other side. Like there would even if Rittenhouse sucked ass on the mic, which I don't know. I haven't watched a clip of him talk or anything. But if he was a horrible podcaster, I guarantee a bunch of gun people would still be like where's your patreon brother like where can i support the cause like and that would break in money too yeah and that would have been great uh for him i think it did to answer your question about how he's on mike i mean he's still what 20 like oh yeah he's not uh he's not the best on mike the the hardest part for him though

is that he's got this pending lawsuit and everybody wants to interview him about like what happened because that's all anybody knows about him that's all anybody kind of wants to know about him but the thing with building you know a youtube channel or whatever is you build your brand like not someone else building their brand off of your story. And so he could have done that. He could have been like, yeah, you know me, I'm Kyle Rittenhouse. My hobby though is guns. And here's what I like to do.

I like to go to the range. Let's go check out this gun and start shooting it, right? And that would have been an easy way for him to kind of mold the narrative, stay away from all of that political stuff that has potential interference in the lawsuit and just have fun and probably make a killing on, on YouTube or whatever platform he goes.

If he didn't get banned, I can see YouTube banning. He needs a product too. Like, like, like I would immediately have tourniquets. No, I would immediately have a device that kept people from grabbing your rifle

out of your hands. Like, look at this. It straps onto my arm and then onto my grip. Try to the gun away from me yep you're just going to it's like no no i'm not gonna do that wow you were trying that's what i'm talking about that's how that's i mean that's how i would produce videos like it would be good to be jokey? You can make people laugh.

It's hard for them to hate you. At least, at least like full throatedly hate you. So, you know, you gotta do things in a funny kind of way, but he is a polarizing figure. I'll say that. I saw, you know, I'll scroll through Reddit and I get, it's something about the civil suit against him popped up on my Reddit feed the other day.

And I went through those comments. Well, that's an interesting place to go through. There's a lot of people in there that are just wanting to describe a theme. Like, why did he kill those three black men? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All three black men in cold blood.

Essentially, a lot of people are like really in disbelief. They're like, well, he's clearly like a racist murderer and there was a there was some miscarriage of justice that's sort of the narrative that a lot of people just care that's their truth as if people can have different versions of a of truth and and it's in its own right that's their truth is that kyle rittenhouse is like a guy who like got away. He's the, he's an OJ and it's like, man, they were all white and y'all watch the video.

Right? Like I watched it. Like, like I just call them like, I see it all white. As long as they're all people attacking him. Like, right.

Well, I mean, I mean like, like, but the racist angle in general, like, like, like there,

there weren't any black people shot. He didn't shoot any black people. Well, actually that's the most racist part. The one black who did jump kick him in the face you know and kick him while he was on the ground he shot and missed that guy like what you can't see black people what kind of horrific racist are you what are you that's why you need the kyle rittenhouse tactile light all right some targets in the dead of night i'm not i'm not saying which kinds of targets but they're hard to see, okay?

Yeah, and all of his products, he could say, like, pedophiles give this two thumbs down. Oh. Where do we get the pedophilia angle? Because one of the people he shot had crimes related to that, right? Horrific child rape charges.

Nick, you know more about that. Oh, yeah, he was convicted. Joseph Rosenbaum, the first guy who chased him, threw the bag at him and grabbed for the gun. That guy was convicted of forcible sodomy of minors. Oh, yikes. I was going to ask what he really did, because sometimes, especially something about the sexual assault charges, it's like, yeah, but what does that really mean? What does it mean? Well, even that one, we don't know what that means means because sodomy under the law can be anal or oral

forcible penetration right this one was anal oh well there we got it heard it here folks it was the charges and he was convicted he was found guilty yeah he spent uh several years in prison down in arizona um and then he or new mexico one of those two is either Arizona or New Mexico. Not one of those Sheriff Joe Apio like places, I hope. And then, yeah, then he had been out for a little bit and went up to Kenosha, I guess, to start over. It's like, well, everyone here knows what I did. Let's just go to Wisconsin where no one cares. Yeah, I'll keep a low profile. Six feet under.

Oh, did the child rapist get shot or did the child rapist get killed yeah i don't think anyone should give a fuck about that guy why why would you care that i of someone who sodomizes children was killed fuck him good how old was the victim well he didn't get killed they were between wasn't he the guy that got his arm blown off no no that guy's still oh he killed the pedophile yeah he the the two people he killed had the worst records um which is pretty interesting gage had kind of a checkered record but but nothing like crazy like uh the anthony huber kid whose family is suing kyle now um he was the one who uh when he held his like he he was charged with uh attempted strangulation of a sibling so domestic assault charge and he also held like his grandmother and sister at knife point because they wouldn't clean the house

all right well i mean a traditional man Through and through Clean the shit up bitches A little Sigma mindset We didn't talk about how old the Victim was They were very The kid victims of Joseph Rosenbaum Yes, that's what I'm trying to say They were not like

This was not 17 year olds That was my last I need to know. You're always like, it's still gross, but it'd be less bad if they were 16 than if they're 9. Right. If they're 17 and consenting, but because he's 23, they're not able to consent. That's a different thing in my head. It wasn't that.

It wasn't that. No, it was bad. There's 32 different flavors of awful sexual rape and crimes, but I kind of want to know which flavor we're talking about, I guess, so that I can kind of have a mindset when the guy gets his head blown off in the streets. Sounds like you straight up

butt raped a young person. No, not the flavor. No way to see it. Yeah, rum raisin, eh? Rum raisin. Nick, we were talking before the show about talking to police don't do it but yes

oh every expert I've ever seen on YouTube or talked to in person gives that same advice say nothing if they're colorful they'll say shut the fuck up right that's the advice we always get right shut the fuck up Fridays from the Justice Brothers I know them yes yeah all right but on the other hand we've all had experiences where

you know the cop pulls you're over speeding and you're like yes i spilled the milk i'm so sorry i don't typically spill milk i'm not a habitual milk spiller this one exception i made a mistake and you know if you could see fit to let me off with a warning, I'm the sort of guy who deserves it. This isn't me. This is what I think police want to hear when they pull you over. I made a mistake. This isn't who I am. Can, can we let it slide? If you just say, I don't talk about my day. I don't like police. I don't answer questions. You're probably going to go to court. You're not going to talk your way out of it. Yeah. It kind of depends on the feel you get from the cop. I've run the gamut of cop interactions. When I was driving home from law school one day, because I went to school at night and I was driving home and it was two hours away. So I was getting home, it's like 1 a.m and uh and i was so close to my house

and the speed dropped from 65 to 55 and i just wasn't paying attention i was dead tired and i was probably going like 70 or something and the guy pulls me over and he's like what uh what are you doing like dude i just got out of law school i'm tired i'm sorry right and he's like yeah it's fine you know i know you just missed the signs like i'm like barely alive just my house is a mile and a half from here can i just please go home to be honest officer this is akin to drunk driving i'm so nice it's like he's like yeah yeah just get out of here i just want to make sure people are staying safe and that was fine like and you could kind of tell from his demeanor that it was okay. You know, but so people kind of take this advice. Don't talk to the cops really, really literally. And, and you should, I mean, if you really want to protect yourself from a ticket, not talking to the cops is the best way to protect yourself. But what you're talking about isn't protecting yourself, right? What you're talking about is basically being candid and just asking for a little bit of mercy.

And that's a way to do it. But on the other hand, I got pulled over by a really pissed off cop and I was definitely speeding. The problem was I thought I was on a different road because I kind of spaced out. That thing where you get into hypnosis and I thought I had already exited onto the faster highway. so i i was just driving like i was on the other so i was speeding like 10 miles over the other limit and so i'm like 15 over this one cop pulls me over he

goes you know i pulled you over he's like no he says do you know what the speed you were going no you know what the speed limit is nope do you know where you are not at all and then he gave me a warning he's like okay because he he couldn't actually tag my words to pin me down to a ticket and this guy was pissed right like he was he came up to the car he was hot he was angry he's like kind of huffy and uh and i was like well i just gotta i guess i just gotta say no to literally everything he says um because otherwise what you get is you get an admission yeah i know i thought it was only five over whatever you're still speeding that's still an admission of guilt and once they can write that down that statement from

you they've got you in court like you're not going to go into court and win, but if they have to go in and prove it, you know, maybe what you do is you go in there and you ask the calibrations, uh, you know, the calibration record of the machine, you check the weather. Was it really cold? Could that interfere with the radar gun? You start asking for all this stuff and it becomes really expensive for the cops to get $130 out of you. And, uh, and they don't fight as much. So like for actual legal protection saying, uh, for my advice on getting pulled over is just say no to anything.

It's not illegal to not know how fast you're going. It's not illegal to not know what the speed limit is. And it's not illegal to not know what road you're on. So you can safely say no to all those things. Uh, your, your results may vary but i feel like i'd be like no and he'd be like here's your ticket when uh when i got arrested it was a long time before they asked me a question that i didn't

feel comfortable like at least replying to because for a long time like like that there was no sort of like oh do you think maybe this happened and that happened we weren't talking about what was happening i was like i'm gonna smoke first of all i knew the cop one of them i was like jimmy can i get a smoke like yeah come on let's get in my car like they're not handcuffing me yet like like we're gonna we i hung out in his car for half an hour while they got their warrant and smoked um you know uh but but it was like an hour and a half later but when we were sitting at a desk somewhere i was like you know i think that's where i stop answering questions and start you know sending it to my lawyer exactly talk to him because i don't i don't know anything about any of

that well that's the uh that's the move right police are very very good interviewers they do it all the time so they get very very conversational with people they get to know them they're like hey we're just trying to help you out what's your name what's going on man and they they encounter people who are usually in a rough spot in their life uh lots of people depending on the type of crime that they're encountering but lots of people are encountering crime because they're in a bad place. And so the cops get really good at sort of that diffusion, build rapport really quick, like a salesman and kind of get conversational. It also helps them get those answers that they're looking for. So that's one thing to remember is that they're very good at

this. And you typically are not very good at answering that type of stuff because you might only get arrested one time in your life if you you know uh or for a lot of people it's never um some people get really good at it right you live in the right hood but they've got a script like they've done it they do it every day cops are cops and like uh officers of various federal agencies have always been some of the more friendly and personable people that I've met. And it's like, man, they're different circumstances. I'd really like you, dude. Like I almost always walked away from like my dealings with cops,

at least good cops. And with thinking like, you seem like such a nice guy. I wish we weren't on the opposite ends of this one. I wish I knew something about the world. We could have been friends. Yeah, for real. Yeah. It serves their purposes really well, too, because, you know, if they're approaching someone who's in distress, they have a weapon.

Maybe they don't know what this person's up to. Right. They don't know what they're capable of. They're coming into a situation. this person's up to, right? They don't know what they're capable of. They're coming into a situation. It's much better most of the time to lead with some kindness and, and be approachable rather than come in, you know, full force jackboot. Otherwise, uh, they might get shot or stabbed. Uh, the person might, you know, might have some murder, suicide intention. You never know what that person's up to, but if you they can calmly approach them uh safely they don't see a weapon or whatever that's that's a beneficial way to do things and

to keep the situation cool before whatever happens next and they they may have plans to arrest that guy in the most rough way possible but uh it's always good to start off like hey what's going on buddy how you doing what's going on with what on? What are you doing with both of those guns? Is one not enough? Talking about this, like responding to cops, made me want to ask, like, you must be very familiar with the sovereign citizen people who are like, I am a boat,

and you cannot impede my naval traversing of this great naval empire. I still do not understand how they say they're not a person is that is that just a section of youtube videos where i've been had and it's no no these people are these people are very real uh and you know a lot of cops perceive them as extremely dangerous and the the problem with it i hate signing with the state on something like that but they really are. I mean, they can be quite dangerous because they do not recognize any authority over them. I mean, they say that they live under the Articles of Confederation because the Constitution wasn't properly ratified at the time or something like that.

So they're free citizens who live under the Articles. They're just travelers on the land. They're never driving never driving right they're always just navigating their land boat or something and and the the i'm not a person or like the separation of the person and their corporate entity comes from this weird idea that so birth certificates tend to be printed in all caps for the names and so they say that that is actually uh a corporate person that's created as a legal fiction in the united states and that that's how the united states has jurisdiction over the citizenry is through its corporate personhood so they just deny their corporate personhood that's not me my name doesn't come in all caps i don't recognize that name at all so therefore you don't have authority over me they'll keep

saying this as they're getting handcuffed as they're going before a judge and as they're being locked away in prison like they will swear to god that the u.s has no jurisdiction i am the individual known as kyle not the person kyle or they'll say some nonsense gobbling like that and the judge is like well i'm locking up the person the individual the holy ghost and everything else of kyle you're going to jail sir and if you would have you could go ahead and write a letter to the corporation from jail and get them to trade places with you and that would be just fine yeah you know but uh yeah that's that's a real thing and the most recent like really prominent instance of that was uh daryl brooks the walk a shot parade uh driver

who ran over the like kid and the old ladies and stuff like that he um he was a brand of sovereign citizen uh that that made some of those arguments in court. I mean, the entire premise of his defense was where is the plaintiff, the plaintiff in the case he was alleging should be the state of Wisconsin, but the state of Wisconsin, isn't a person that can show up. And to him, all lawsuits required two people rather than having a representative agent of the state, which would be the district attorney who was prosecuting him the whole time. So he was making those arguments and trying to do the sovereign citizen thing on national television after after killing six people. It didn't work well for him, though. I wouldn't imagine. That's my question.

Why does it has it ever worked well for anyone? There's like that'd be interesting. The way it has worked is always has nothing to do with the sovereign citizen aspect of it. So like the way it'll work is they'll say you don't have jurisdiction over me. And it turns out that they're being tried in the wrong district of federal court or they're in a state court where it should be a federal charge or something. thing and so like these little procedural victories that have happened throughout the years get used as bolstering evidence that if you just say the right magic words and incantations that the judge will have to realize that they're wrong and drop the case against you yeah but it's never practically worked right with like a we're talking where there's a real crime felony level and uh and someone's like no you just don't have the authority over me.

The plaintiff isn't present. You can't present him. The judge is like, you know what? Shoot. I never thought of that. I guess. Some of that Harry Potter magic. Yeah.

And because of this, I'm awarding you freedom. You'll be his butler. And for bravely defying the laws of consent, I award Hufflepuff 50 points. Police Activity is one of the best YouTube channels out there. And I watched one the other day. One of these sovereign citizens was getting pulled over. And he had a rap sheet. Like something was going on.

Maybe he was on a suspended license or no insurance. It was like multiple things. Like, hey, you're coming with us kind of situation. Or at least you're not going any further. And you're coming out of the car. And he's like, nope, I'm a fucking sea captain. I'm the admiral of the fifth fleet of fucking horse shit.

And I'm horse shit. You're reading to board to get to me, mate. And so he fucking set sail up I-9. And they got his ass and beat the shit out of him you know they smash his windows pit maneuver whatever and drag him out of the fucking car and it's like all right admiral you're going you're going in matey and it just never works and and but but they seem so adamant about it that i can

only imagine that maybe in some little town somewhere, they spoke fast enough and talked about the fifth fleet enough that somebody was like, man, I'm not taking you to the jail. You're going to be more trouble than you're worth. And just let them continue sailing down the road. Like it must've worked sometime. They have the confidence of the black Israelites who are out there.

Just like not a shred of doubt. They're like, I am the Jew and you are not. And they're like, not a shred of doubt. They know, in their minds they know that they're I guess both sides of the Egyptian Jewish slave thing.

I don't know. I don't know how that part works. We enslaved ourselves. That was power. It was power. Yeah. It was a mishap. You know, those pyramids were made by skilled laborers who were paid. How do you know that? Huh?

He was there. Because, no, no, no. There's like records of like what their meals were. There's like menus preserved that show like what they were ordering and eating on the work sites. Did it look good? Did it say what it was? Did you read what it was? I read it. I translated

the hieroglyphics to Greek and then I found a Q-form expert. He came in, looked at my tablets and he... I assume the article you read said like... Unfortunately, he was Koreanorean so i needed i needed to further translate the evidence but yes no it's all checked out that's where kyle got his scrolls i i mean your evidence comes from the bible um so and and you know mine came from

that archaeologist man that that black science man on the internet so i'm gonna i'm gonna go with him i don't think black science man does science anymore you're mostly just like he does some science like every every Every Christmas he's like The summer solstice or the winter solstice Was by the fucking Egyptians Shut up Don't be mad at Black Science Man Because he likes social media

When Bill Nye completely sold out And went crazy Bill Nye's not even a real scientist At least Neil is a real scientist He knows about space, he knows the planets He fucked us out of Pluto, though. You know what? He can get wrecked. That is unacceptable. You know what would have

been better? Instead of going down to eight planets, how about we make it an even ten? How about we make that other one out there one? Exactly. Series, I think, is the thing that's the size of Pluto out in the Oort cloud. The problem is there's millions of little objects out there. But there's Pluto and then there's Mars.

Our solar system gets awesome right then. Look at how big it is. Can you imagine a kid today putting together one of those little solar systems like we had to do with nine planets? There's just little dots everywhere. Just a bunch of table salt. You got to glue it to the end of sticks. Third grade just got a lot harder, idiot.

Name them. Name all 78,000 players. Taylor, did you ever do like a cool science project? And even high school, maybe? Like, I always see the one on like Malcolm in the Middle where they make a volcano or whatever. Like, that's what they do on TV. Did you ever have one of those where you made a cool thing?

Yeah, in sixth grade, we had to do a science project. And so I did the patterns and like damage level of different shells out of a 20 gauge at like 25 feet towards like plywood and so it was like this does this amount of damage this does that it was literally the only assignment was like you need to use the scientific method to do something and then compare the results what grade was this dude can you imagine if a sixth grader came to school showing the power of his shotgun at various ranges? Dude, I had to... I couldn't lift all the

pieces of cardboard. Hey, Mrs. Smith! If the target was where you are! Dude, I got an A. And that was, you know, late 90s, early 2000s Missouri. It's still cool to do stuff like that. That blows my fucking solar oven out of the water, dude.

I can't even, I can't even continue. What's a solar oven? What's a solar oven? I've never built one. All right. So we had to build a solar oven in like the fifth grade. That's a solar oven is something that utilizes the power of the sun to cook food. Oh, a solar oven.

Yeah. Yeah. A solar oven. He's fucking with you because we all instantly knew what a solar oven was. Well, I mean, I don't know. Some of y'all... I had the only one that worked.

I had the only one that worked. Everybody else had to put their bagel bites and their little cinnamon rolls in my shit to cook them because I had the glass lid. I had the aluminum foil. I had the insulation. You know, with this proof, Kyle had the most involved and competent father in the class mother mother okay i always say that like like like uh when it came to the kitchen stuff yeah yeah um i will say this in third grade my um we had this medieval sort of um like thing and i could have i could be either dressed up as like a fucking squire or we could come in

with a project. And I was like, I ain't dressing up. Let's build a stockade. You know, like one of those medieval stockage. That's pretty cool. Yeah.

Right. Me and my dad to go get the lumber from home Depot, the hinges and everything. We make it this little crippled bitch in my class with arthritis or some shit. Her daddy's a dentist. He builds her one must have taken this grown-ass man two weeks or something he builds a legitimate one okay with like thick like i don't know where

you get that lumber it looked like like movie set wood okay you know what i mean like like like he went got aged live edge lumber or something we went to home Home Depot because it's third grade! And this, he wheels, first he wheels her in. Then he wheels her fucking project in. And there my dumb ass is sitting with my Home Depot stockade. Like, hurt my feelings. And forevermore. Oh, that little cunt.

That little cunt with her rotten teeth. Your daddy's a dentist. What happened, bitch? He was just sitting up to do all that shit. You know what they say? The carpenter always builds someone else's house but never builds their own. The cobbler's children have no shoes. Confucius.

I like that. That still upsets me. I was eight. I bet your stockade was wonderful, man. It was fine. It worked and everything, but it was made out of two by sixes and four by fours. It's a stockade to me.

Woody, come on. Listen up on this. This stockade wasn't his fault. If I was to choose a stockade, I would definitely go to that Crippled Girls stockade. That's where I want to be. Can you imagine how lame that solar oven was? Oh, my God. He's so proud of that solar oven.

A bowl in hot water. Wow, you put a metal bowl in Atlanta in the driveway and it cooked an egg. Oh, my goodness. I have a metal bull hood on my car. It's 115. You could cook it on a fucking nonstick pan in your living room if you have a skylight. Kyle's taking notes for his murder.

What is it, Taylor or Taylor and then Woody? I don't know. A solar oven in Atlanta. Fuckers. You guys are going to wake up. No, what else has worked? You guys are going to wake up after a party inside that solar oven just sweating a fucking so I'm like, what's going on?

What's going on? Already 112. 112. Soon you'll be getting uncomfortable. It's only eight in the morning. Comfortable. It's only 8 in the morning. You remember that Japanese game show competition where they put guys in a sauna

and the last man standing won a ton of money and this guy's flesh is melting off their bodies? You ever see that shit? What? No. Did they have to do activities in there? Because that sounds really weird. No, you just got to bear it.

So you may think, oh, it's just a sauna. But you know how your fingers get pruney? If I take a shower for too long, my fingers get pruney if i take a shower for too long my fingers get pruney yeah yeah and i don't it's uncomfortable to me like expand that out over the course of like a day or so and they're like they're getting steam cooked in there and there's there's their hands like the flesh is sloughing off it's really disgusting and they're just how much money are they winning like like 8 000 yen i think i paid 30 000 yen for hair for breakfast i was there i have no idea i have no idea about honor they love honor and they hate comfort with inflation and everything there's no telling but the answer is there's no amount of money worth getting steamed alive though right

i remember uh use the money i remember reading about this guy the guy who won like one of those competitions this wasn't a japanese one he was like a proper norseman or whatever but he uh it was like 160 degrees that he was in this stupid sauna for a long time and the second place guy died it was like well that's why he got second i guess um he didn't even win and it's like dude i why i don't want to be in a sauna more than about five minutes anyway like it's yeah it's just and oh they they just sat there like no i'm good i'm fine i can do this like it's not about like how tough you are man this is biology like you just die like yeah you're you're cooking yourself there's not training for this it's just like that temperature drink 230 he was in 230 degrees i have smoked ribs at a lower temperature than that i don't wait 230 is not accurate like like

110 degrees celsius in the final stage of the event it required contestants to sit in a 230 degree 110 degree celsius room as water was tossed onto a searing stove to the 230 degree sauna championship ends in tragic death i'm having a hard time tragic unexpected really bullet catching competition goes awry what the fuck yeah I'm baffled by that. Danny, no fingers. Lose this again. I'm going to link this. Look how hot this guy looks. He's so hot.

Oh, my God. They're both hot. I didn't realize there were two in there with the reflection. Of course. Like just sitting there trying to... It's awful. Oh, it's awful. They're so red. Miserable.

They look like the hot dogs at the gas station. Kyle, can you last longer in this sauna or an ice bath? In the sauna because the ice bath was just going to kill you um like like so they'll both kill you but like like one hand i guess i guess my question is like describe the

ice bath you know like like here's the thing like a horse trough filled with lots of ice cubes am i is there another kind yeah but like how much ice to water and like you know what i know what I mean? It really matters how much ice is in there. If you pack me in ice, then I'm probably going to lose fingers and toes in the next little bit, right? If you just packed me in ice and then added water to that, I think that kills me pretty fast.

20 minutes, I'm dead. I think I last longer than that in there. But if you just throw me in a traditional ice bath like athletes would use that has i don't know maybe one quarter ice and then the rest is water they they fill in as long as you sit very still you'll form this thermal barrier around your body where your skin is warming the the the the liquid that's touching you right and that'll be slightly warmer than everything around you if you really want to like take it when you see somebody sitting there and just not moving they're not being hard the guy who gets in there and thrashes he's getting some effects he wants to be cold uh

one of the guys thrashing are doing it because they can't resist and they're hurting themselves without knowing oh yeah it's uh it's the same with hot tubs um i went to i went to a hot spring in colorado and uh one of the tubs like 117 degrees it was way too fucking hot and i sat in there and i was like if i don't move everything's okay but when you moved it was like ah oh god it's hot you to just sit perfectly still. And it was fine. But, man, I don't want to... I'm too old to sit in extreme heat or cold at all.

Like, what is the point of that anymore? Like, I could just sit on a couch. There's $60 at stake, dude. $60. $8,000. $8,000 in and a date with Miss Toyota. Come on, let's go. I always

love that when Ninja Warrior was still Japanese. They didn't have the American Ninja Warrior. And you watch these guys train for an entire year to do the most grueling course you've ever seen, requiring just massive amounts of grip strength and these

physiques that are that like uh are impossible and they're like what do you win it's like they win their honor it's like what the fuck is that these guys they give up their whole lives and like start building these courses in their backyard to do finger pull-ups all day long and then what they win is just like you did it great yeah cool they're so honor focused over there you must be great to be a game show producer where they're like i did it i ate every scorpion what do i win he's like you win the honor of eating You are the scorpion king. You are the scorpion king. Oh, no. You are not entitled to

financial compensation. Now go to the hospital. Yeah, now go to the hospital, retard. You help the more Jerryfish than anyone before. I have a legal question. Because this keeps... It's not a good one.

But anyway, here's the deal. The police finally found out. He's got a question. Yeah, yeah. So the police finally found out about all my murders, right? And here I am being questioned. And I say, you know what? No more questions.

Talk to my attorney. But low key, I don't have an attorney and I don't know how to choose one. I'm in the room. I have maybe one phone call. What do I do? Google Maps? No, they'll bring you a phone book. And then you just use that to choose your attorney? Find one.

We just got to get out of the room, right? You just need a guy to get you bail, right? You just turn to the Jewish names and hope for the best. Just don't go to the first one because that guy's just there because the name starts with a yeah he probably changed it to that uh god i got fucked i went with aaron aronson again but no it's uh yeah i mean they'll they'll if you can if you can't get an attorney you know

they have to stop asking you questions and they can you can petition for a court appointed attorney at that point to say hey i i don't, hey, I need an attorney for this. I don't have an attorney. You're under arrest. They can't just keep you without providing that if you qualify. You can't just lie. Like, well, I got 100 grand in the bank.

I can't afford an attorney though. They're like, okay, well, here's one. No, but if you go through the same process that you would get for a public defender and they'll get an attorney for you if you if you need to. But otherwise, they'll bring you a phone book and say, here you go. Call whoever you want out of this thing. But that's what the other thing cops when you when you invoke your right to remain silent or your right to an attorney, they have to stop interrogating you. But the trick is not everything they do is an interrogation, right?

They can start talking. And the most common thing they'll do is talk to their friend next to you about whatever to try and coax you into saying something about like to correcting them. No, that's not what happened. And then the interrogation can continue because now you've injected yourself into the conversation so that's the hardest thing for people to say i'm shutting up talk to i want to talk to my attorney nothing else and then they just don't like they they sit there and they're like no i mean he had it coming but but yeah but yeah they're they have to they have to give you the opportunity to get an attorney you don't have to pre-have an attorney although you should like if you know if you're a

gun owner for example uh you should have an attorney that you know deals with those types of things uh that you know you can call if you get arrested for something especially like a self-defense shooting or something like that or your gun gets confiscated, you're at a bar, you're involved in a bar fight, and they're like, oh, you can't have this at the bar. Whatever it is,

you should have an attorney who's familiar with those issues as a gun owner because it will help you rather than calling up the guy in the phone book, right? Like, you don't want that guy. You want the guy who knows what he's doing.

And it won't cost you a ton to just go to a guy's law office and get his card. You don't have to have a gun retainer. You just have to figure out who the guy is and have his business card in your wallet. It seems like bullshit that public defenders aren't available for wealthy people. Firemen are available for wealthy people. They don't say, you know what? You could afford a fireman. Therefore, we're going to charge you. They don't say that about police. They don't have toll roads that ask for your 1040s and say only wealthy people have to pay

these tolls. There are very few government services where they restrict them from you, where they say you can't have this because you could buy it privately. Public defenders are the equivalent of welfare. It's like you can't get anyone here to speak for you? That's a strong point it's

bullshit that welfare is not available to wealthy people i want some i want to i heard chicago's got that 500 universal income comment and it's like right off the top huh 500 smackers smackers i mean every year i hope that'll get my heroin addiction going it's fine 500 a month like that'll buy all my drugs and they're legal there so like like we're getting somewhere already no chicago's scary i i would hate to to i would i love the food in chicago but every time i uh i don't know look into the shootings there it's it's it's it's the wild west and it just doesn't get reported it's a scary place you just gotta you definitely gotta not go in like there's a couple neighborhoods that you just stay away from as much as possible just hang out by rich people

they don't get you can you can listen to the police scanners of anywhere in the country when there's there's websites that allow you to do this i know because i remember when the boston bombing happened we were so plug i don't think there had ever been a news story that we were so personally injected in because we i had my laptop open with multiple police scanners going when they were going uh when they were looking for the last guy when they were having like the shootout and standoff or or whatever uh where one of them died by getting ran over by his brother or whatever there's our name guys um yeah and i'm listening to all the bands and they're like, yeah, we're going down Smith Street like you can listen to them, coordinate and like move in on this shooting. And like it was it was so cool to be that far ahead. You do that and you tune into Chicago

any night of the week. Holy shit. They'll do it's it's rough stuff it's every couple minutes there's something there's something and like if you're a cop it's like i don't know i wouldn't want to be a cop period but that's a war zone yeah no it's uh it's terrifying and when you see the like you see the murder statistics coming out of chicago you have to realize like the like you see the murder statistics coming out of chicago you have to realize like four times as many of that were actually shot like that's just the people who died from it like because when you when you look at gun crime throughout the country and you look at the amount of gun murders versus the amount of like uh gun assaults it's i mean it's massively higher and so you think about that and you're like damn if you were just

in south chicago for the night this is the mic out all you just hear is pop pop pop pop pop pop every couple minutes what a mess is it that bad is the shooting in chicago really that extreme i i so many times i question what i'm seeing on the news and i don't know what the score is like you you can watch fox news and they'll tell you the city of Chicago, the city of New York, they smell like urine and poop. The subways in New York are covered with human excrement, that it's this big mess, that the whole thing is terrible. I've been to New York. It's not like that. I think the US is already at around 50 or it was either 55 or 65 mass shootings. That's more than we've had days of the

year what's a mass shooting exactly now look i don't like it when they call any time you do you know the exact criteria they use it's different there's multiple definitions depending on the department and depending on the level of government like if you're talking state governments versus federal i suppose the point is that oftentimes when you hear what's considered a mass shooting most people in the public would go that's not my definition i would think maybe a little bit crazier than that that being said that is a real indication of the amount of multiple gun shootings there are out there you know this isn't an instance of like an accidental discharge or like a police related thing this is like a gunfight or something happened right yeah uh so most mass shootings uh that are talked about when they do that where there's one you know one mass shooting

a day or two a day or whatever it is that's usually it's it involves uh a shooting with four or more victims of some sort uh and it doesn't involve deaths necessarily right so lots of this is connected to gang and drug activities in inner cities because you'll have multiple people who are who are victimized by mass shooting and i think under some of the definitions if someone is injured by some other thing in the course of a shooting it counts as one of the casualties uh or injuries for a mass shooting but um i was like makes a little sense you know you're holding up three people you hit one of them with the gun yeah you kick another one in the stomach and she miscarries and then you shoot two people let's make let's say there were five victims to this mass shooting

you know like like they've done crazy damage here let's say i'm in a bank i shoot one guy and then three more get hurt as they stampede out the door mass shooting it depends now we're getting back to heather hire right and my thoughts on that that whole when she had a heart attack because that man um was committing that act of terrorism be very careful how you talk about that one i phrased it pretty well don't you think yeah no that's good that's good yeah uh james fields i stayed safe all right to give you uh okay so i pulled up the crime stats from chicago pd uh this is february 6th through february 12th of this year, there were 46 shooting incidents. Well, that's a long time.

In a week? In a week? A whole week? Is it a week there? Six a day. Six a day. That's a big town. That is a pretty bad stat.

That's like Honduras levels of shooting. And he didn't dig into the worst week in Chicago history. This is his last week. The last 28 days, it's 152. Which is down 4% over 2022. Good job. There we go. You know, small victories.

I'm sure that's not a statistical anomaly, and it won't surge right back, you know? What's the mayor there? Is she the Lightfoot lady? Yeah. Something Lightfoot? Yeah. I don't like to give people a hard time about their physical appearance,

but... Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! Thank you. He gets itlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! Thank you. He gets it. I mean, goodness. She always looks so surprised. It's like Don King and Beetlejuice had a baby. Zach, can you please have a picture of this

woman? Oh my goodness. Oh my god. Like a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome. You can line up the governor of arkansas um at huckabee um uh huckabee's daughter and that's a that's a rough looking lady always one eye on the prize that lady always one eye on the prize oh my goodness cool she is the hair is like was she late like so she makes me feel better no one goes out with like their hair like that and is like

yeah this is this is what i was going for she was late but you think it's today it was actually to the genetic lottery she lost the hairline lottery well that's a handsome looking fella right there well anyway she is not one of those lizards who's looking in multiple directions at the same time. Maybe she didn't know she was going out when they took this picture. She's holding a microphone. Maybe she thought she was playing a game.

She's holding a mic behind her. I love that. I bet they surprised her taking her garbage out. She's holding a microphone with an American flag behind her. That was her best look. They're like, all right, Miss Lightfoot, let's get you looking right.

And that's what they came up with. Anyway, just a hard person to look at. I don't really know anything about her policies other than they seem to be ineffective. Or maybe I'm wrong, and without her there, it would have literally turned into one of those, like, remember Escape from New York? No, you were right the first time. Where they just turned Manhattan Island into, like, a prison. That is true, because when she took charge of the city, like, crime dropped dramatically.

Did it, Taylor? No. No, it's actually gone up a bit. Well, I don't know much about it. You live kind of near there. If I were you, I'd be like wandering into Chicago for a pizza. Like I would drive to Chicago and get a pizza. I mean, it's five hours from St. Louis.

That's what I'm saying. It's within like... That is. It's nothing for a Missourian. I'll pop to the beach and back. You know, nice little day trip to South Carolina. I do five hours for pizza. I don't like deep dish that much all right so uh laurie lightfoot serves since uh 2019 right as the mayor of chicago okay so uh this crime statistics page um it has the

percentage change over the past uh two you know last year two years ago three years ago four years ago so she takes office four years ago gun shooting incidents in chicago are up only 58 since then just the 58 though 58 that's like an f it's not that bad it's not like a hundred percent you know that would be an a plus and failure you think she would have found a way to like view the stats from a different angle or something, like, not exactly cloak the books, but maybe just redefine certain crimes as other crimes and, like,

cook the stats a little. I think they already do that, right? Maybe they're doing that and still there's a 50% uptick? I don't know. It's scary. Total crime is up 66%. The best one, though, is motor vehicle theft, which is up only 283 percent since she took office jesus christ is she like holding like stay in your homes everyone it's

criminal party hour like you're looking at this from the wrong angle is that is the cuck liberal in the group here you're forgetting how many free cars are in chicago now right you're not you're looking at like a victim man up get yourself a car just steal one just right there it's like those uh scooters it's that new city scooter program you just open a car and you turn it on you take it and you leave it where you go use someone else's credit card to pay for it put it in the slot that's the future of commerce. All stealing. Everything is stealing. And your wealth will be decided by agility and speed rather than hard work and stick-to-itiveness.

Yeah, like the old days of the cavemen. Whoever threw the rock the best probably got the most pussy. You think so? Yeah, because he would have killed this competition with his good rock throwing. And the women would be unconscious you ever see they would have been so impressed by it like they would have wanted to get the best jeans the best rock throwing jeans so that their guy their sons could you know yeah your way doesn't need an attorney no it probably still does there's i love that like within just there's a little bit of having nick on he's like oh if you

just have like a stats page pulled up the way we do things here is like that doesn't sound right but uh buddy hey i'm giving that the old sniff test no i'm not gonna no i'm not looking into it no i won't yeah there's there's not a monitor right here i will not google it but it doesn't sound right to me uh i wanted to see the uh what tips i guess other than the don't talk to cops thing is there anything that like a layman non-attorney should know that we all don't like one of those that you know professions are a plumber knows all those tricks like anything we should know about uh yeah I mean most attorneys don't know shit about most law there you go that's that's one uh most attorneys uh you know the most about law uh when you take the bar when you take the bar exam and

then after that your general knowledge of law goes straight off a cliff and you start to find the things that you do uh and and get paid for And you start to focus on those things. You can become very, very good in those specialized areas. But that's why you're like, oh, my brother's an attorney and he's like a tax attorney or like a corporate in-house counsel for press. It's like, okay, well, that guy's going to be useless if you're getting a divorce. You don't want that guy at all. You want to go to your specialization. I think people really underestimate how broad log gets and, and the,

the amount of reading and research that you need to do to become extremely competent in a field is, is way out there. I mean, I know we're recording this, but tonight I'm going live i'm being sued right now oh shit what's going on uh it's a long story but it involves this it involves this weirdo named montagraph um who's been uh kind of plague plaguing my channel for

what was like three years ago i did an interview interview with Mr. Medeker because Montegraff was suing this other guy named Jake Morfinos for defamation. And so we were just laughing at his lawsuit. And then I get a phone call from this Montegraff guy to talk to me about my interview with Medeker. And he was really pissed off. And so I was like, OK, you're stupid. And I didn't think anything of it. Well, then he starts like making memes about me. And he's like, I'm part of the sweaty sausage squad or whatever look i i don't know man he's a weird

guy and uh he does this and so i start looking into him and um medicare had been talking to me about it he's like he was an independent film producer and he produced this one uh movie called the umbrella man and um not to be confused with that umbrella guy but uh the umbrella man was it was like a is a fictional snuff film um involving like a minor girl and and all this stuff and then he he had this other video where he was like sexually assaulting a melon uh which is weird he red. He redid the two girls, one cup video with a Barbie and a big pile of chocolate yogurt and stuff. And it's this really strange guy. Okay. And he was like, uh, like throwing all these memes and making videos. He's like, I'm going to make you famous Nikki. And I'm like, okay, all right. Like I'm on YouTube. Let's make it happen. That's

what I'm going for. Yeah. You're looking for views. And then he just disappeared after a while. I was like, okay, well then come to October of last year, I get kicked off of YouTube completely. My channel gets deleted for three days and he pops up in my rumble chat talking about how he's the reason I got canceled and all this stuff, which wasn't true. I could tell you exactly why it was. it was a an activist who i'd pissed off who got me uh canceled from youtube um but he was take like claiming victory for it and all this stuff and so i just started making fun of him and now i'm being sued for making fun of him live on air when he came to my chat to like talk a bunch of shit i was talking shit right back so what what is the point of like a kind of lawsuit like that because as just a layman it

doesn't seem like like that would go anywhere like you seem to just be laughing at it like oh well it's it's ridiculous uh it's a defamation suit and intentional infliction of emotional distress there's all sorts of problems with the emotional distress claims in minnesota like he to prove those out you have to go get like therapy. You have to get actual mental health damage. You can't just say, well, I was distressed. I missed a day of work. Like that doesn't, that's not how you prove that out.

And he doesn't seem to have anything like that. I guess that could change as the suit, if the suit goes on, but the defamation claims, you know, it's loss of reputation. Typically that's associated with loss of income. like you get fired from a job or you miss out on a contract that you would have otherwise gotten. He hasn't really alleged anything like that. He just alleges generally lost income. But hypothetically, if if me saying, hey, this guy was on YouTube having sex with a

honeydew melon and that caused him to not get a job with like a produce company or something i guess he could he could claim damages that way but the the reason i bring up this thing in this subject very specifically is not just shameless self-promotion but um i you know i could have fought this thing on my own like i know how to fight a defamation case, but it's, I'm not like a specialist. I'm just an asshole. And so I, I hired Mark Randazza, who's one of the premier defamation defense attorneys in the country. And like we, he filed his, uh, our motion to dismiss yesterday and I'll be talking about it tonight.

And when you read this motion to dismiss, it has extremely elaborate and intricate legal arguments i would add no concept of making like the amount of research i would have to do to get to what their basic plan seems to be is monumental it would have taken me you know uh dozens and dozens of hours to even come up like how many hours I'm sure he kept track of how many hours it took. Attorneys are great about that. He sent me the bill for it, and it's not little. It's not little at all. No, best in the country?

I bet that's a premium. It's not cheap. But yeah, the crazy thing is, the funny thing to me is that now Montegraff's lawyer is, because I have a feeling he's never done a defamation case. And if he has done one, it's not like this. I know his lawyer, actually. He's a lawyer in my town that he hired. And I know him.

And they typically do workers' comp claims. But the legal argument that just got dropped in his lap that he's going to have to research is going to cost Montegra going to have to research is going to cost montegraff a fortune which is hilarious to me uh it's great it's like okay let's see you pay for that one monty because my lawyer like had that idea i think because he knows this area of law so well your lawyer doesn't practice multi-state defamation law. And now he's going to have to go into like conflict of laws questions between because Montegraff's from Colorado and I'm in Minnesota. And he's suing me in Minnesota probably to avoid the anti-slap statute in Colorado because we don't have one.

However, like the conflict of laws arguments says that Minnesota courts should apply the Colorado anti-slap to him because his damage would have been suffered in Colorado. What damage would this idiot suffer in Minnesota? He doesn't have like a Minnesota business. OK, so he's clearly forum shopping. And so there's there's a very good argument that the laws of Colorado should be applied to him. that the laws of Colorado should be applied to him. And now his attorney, who's a Minnesota attorney, is going to be trying to argue conflict of laws and that Minnesota state law should apply to keep the lawsuit even alive at this point.

Otherwise, it'll get dismissed and I'll get awarded fees. And that would be catastrophic for Montegraph. But if you just hire some guy out of the book here in Minnesota, if I would have just gone to anybody who doesn't specialize in defamation cases, and specifically nationwide defamation cases, I'd just get a bog standard defense on defamation. The same thing I could type up, right? As opposed to what this guy's done. It's the same thing with medicine, right?

I bet doctors get annoyed all the time. They're at a party and someone's like, hey, can you look at this? Can you look at this thing right here? And it's like, dude, I'm doctors get annoyed all the time. They're at a party and someone's hey Can you look at this you look at this thing right here? Just like dude? I'm not a fucking doctor Dietrist which is true, but at the same time. There's a little as a lady As a layman you're like yeah But you know what a fucking staph infection is so stop being a little bitch about about which school you went to for how long And look at this boil or whatever tell me tell me what it is and the same thing with a lawyer i'd want to be like

hey will you look over this contract hey i don't do contract law yeah but you'd notice if somebody misspelled something like come on take a fucking look dude like give me a break and there's a huge difference between needing someone to just take a peek at something and give you kind of a general idea. And most contracts, like honestly, most contracts in most people's lives don't need that much work. Like they're, they're basic agreements that go through. Now, when you get into commercial contracts, like you're going to lease out a space from a giant chain of commercial property owners, not like the guy in town who owns a building but like this massive multinational place that owns buildings in every major city and you get you're like i just want my thousand feet of square feet of retail and then they give you the contract and it's 75 pages it's like well yeah

you want a lawyer to look over that because you're going to get screwed if you don't go through and redline out a bunch of stupid stuff. But go ahead. Do you often or have you ever had good examples of where, because you are a lawyer, you're able to be very annoying in sort of a malicious compliance kind of way and little middling disputes with people that normally it would make no sense to contact and hire a lawyer, but here you are a lawyer yourself.

So I'm thinking of like in the sopranos that tony wants to buy a house from the guy and the guy's already sold someone else but they're the funds are a little held up and tony's like i can come with cash now and he's he's like look mr chang you're out all right i can torch you into the poor house okay you're out that's it you want and then and he's like yeah he is the lawyer like it's not gonna cost him anything but it's time to like make this guy's life a living hell has there ever been a time where you get had to you could do that oh i do that i do that all the time when uh related to the related to my youtube channel because like i'll get i'll get copyright

claims right and so you know what you have to put into the copyright dispute stuff to comply with with the copyright safe harbor provisions and make sure you're filing your counter notification properly. But you also know like how many times you can say fuck you in that thing to the person and know that there's some corporate attorney who has to read the response that you get where you're like calling NBC a bunch of sodomites or whatever. Because there's nothing they can do about you saying that. They just have to sit there and go, God, sucks. And then you're ultimately going to win your counterclaim because YouTube doesn't decide copyright issues. They just follow the DMCA process. So there's that. And then I will get,

my favorite is getting cease and desist from lawyers on subjects that I'm talking about. Like if I'm talking about someone and their lawyer sends me a cease and desist because I said something that was offensive or I released a document that, I can only get these damn documents from a public website anyway,

but they're like, you released a document that you shouldn't have had. And it's like, shut up. And so, like, I just respond back to their cease and desist in the most belligerent way possible. And then the... I thought you were gonna, like, build a fence next to your neighbor

or something. No, I don't... Oh, your innocent naive perspective it's more intense no i don't like messing around with that stuff because you don't want to mess with when people get in property disputes with their neighbors it's like do you really want this like every day of your life you're gonna have to wake up and deal with the asshole that you may have helped create. Like that's, those are the types of disputes you should try as hard as you can and not have a lawyer come into it.

Cause once you do there, they're done. Like they're, you're not going to talk to you. You know, your, your mail is going to get left in the snow. Like they're going to just walk by your mailbox.

Like, oops, just tip it out into the snow. Your mailman screwed up. They'll plow their driveway and just leave a big pile in front of yours and you know you don't want to mess with you just brought up like the the impetus to one of the scarier shootings we've ever seen you yeah that was awful i know it was we've all seen the clip here we watched it on the show it's so hard to watch but but essentially neighbor had been piling their snow up shoveling their own driveway out into the other guy's like drive and the the offending party and his wife are out there

screaming at this guy guy goes back in the house gets a gun and he long story short he kills them both he kills them both in the street over that and it was snow it was not quick and it was not like it was not like clean and pretty it was not just like blam blam yeah it was uh that's a hard video to watch man i hate watching if i recall that video like after he murdered them he like went back in his house like he'd just taken trash out like not even like i gotta get inside like just just kind of like he said so i think he's i hope i didn't i hope i didn't want to miss more than the commercial break he kept saying you should leave you should kept fucking with me you should have kept fucking with me.

You should have kept fucking with me. Like several times. And it's like, God damn. Yeah, because she was still alive for a while. Like the woman was still alive for a bit. He had to go like get a second gun, I think. He went and got a different gun. He started with a handgun.

And he went back and got a rifle and finished them both off with a rifle. You see him basically put the rifle to her face by the end. Yeah, that's a horrifying video. It's pretty delish. I can watch a lot of bullshit, but it's like when you see him. Shovel your snow, people. That's the lesson here.

Shovel your snow, assholes. What was that about? Why did he shoot him they had tp'd his house they they shoveled their driveway snow into his oh his driveway yeah yeah which is rude it's very rude you can't be doing something like that but also in that video i didn't see a big giant pile of snow in front there and look just as much like the guy who was driving by doing the pus the history there was so much history there like that wasn't their first bickering yeah there was so much history no i agree with you so much about like you can't have like a neighbor that you're in a dispute with we gotta solve this if you take the l take the l and then bake cookies dude like like you're to need that guy to pick up a package or to fucking call

it. He's going to be the one that watches your house burn down, right? He's going to be the one to not call the match in his hand. Honey, look. Taylor's house is burning to the ground. What? Taylor! Taylor's house is burning to the ground. Look!

No way! He's out in his like yard he's the first one to know he's like he's spraying his own lawn with a hose to make sure that it doesn't get like that's all he's doing what are you doing i'm on ash watch just in case they float over yeah you want to be friends with that guy that's the guy you need to do your favor every now and then right i've never had a dispute with a neighbor at all. Like the, the only thing I could possibly think of,

I did think about this the other day is the neighbor on one of my sides in my name. Like all my neighbors are in their fifties. So like, I feel weird like talking to them. Like, I don't know, like,

like neighbors, it feels bizarre. You don't feel like you're their peer. I don't feel like I'm a real adult because I'm the youngest. I'm like, I live near a bunch of boomers for the most part, but they have a tree that is looming over my sunroom, like from their yard, kind of like that. And I was thinking just the other day,

because I just paid a bunch of my trees removed. I'm like, what do I even do? Like, do I go over there and say like, hey, your tree is looming over my house. Could you take care of that and then they'll probably say no and i'll go okay like what do you mind if i take care of that yes tell me the follow-up um yeah trees so tree law is actually a specific piece of law that exists and uh is he bullied by the other attorneys dude i specialize in bird law yeah he looks like a

brawny man he's got fucking big beard and an axe on over his shoulder you know i want to know about tree law here's the thing with tree law uh okay so a tree is a piece of property and some people really like their trees right so let's say you go to your neighbor's property and you just like it's blocking your view of the lake and you're like fuck this tree this let's say it's 120 year old oak tree so you just chop that down don't even ask any questions you go back inside you shouldn't have done that right and uh and then they're like they sue you what happens now is that you lose because you didn't have done that. Right. And, uh, and then they're like, they sue you. What happens now is that you lose because you didn't have permission to fuck with their tree.

It's clearly on their property. All the facts are in their favor. So you lose that case. Now you have to replace 120 year old Oak tree. You don't replace 120 year old Oak tree with a new Oak tree. You have to get yourself 120 year old oak tree or you have to come up with the financial compensation for it do you know how much that fucking costs i can't imagine to get 120 year old tree there's a guy who evaluates that just scoop it out and put it

back in the yard bring it on a truck because it's not in the same town as you and yeah you got to bury and then in minnesota if that happens you get triple damages on it too so i mean you're talking cutting down a tree like that you're you're in a like a quarter million dollar proposition on damages that you end up you know what the most famous case that has to be um that thing with alabama and auburn right where um where Where the guy, I want to say an Auburn fan goes on like Auburn fan radio down there, you know, good old boys radio.

And he's like, oh, they think it's funny, huh? They think it's funny to make fun of the Auburn Bulldog or whatever they are. Well, I'll tell you what I did. I went up there the other day and I poisoned the red oak tree.

And they've got some sort of like ancient old oak tree that's like Alabama's tree. I went up there and I poisoned it. And the guy on the radio is like you killed the tree well he ain't dead yet but it will be and sure enough like i don't remember exactly what he done but he like drilled holes in this tree and introduced poison or something and he killed this what an asshole dude it's ruined his life because they found him of course yeah he's like he's just denied denied he's like i said that but i did not poison that tree

i did not have sex with that tree not a single time didn't do it i think like 30 for 30 about this shit it's ridiculous the drama that went down over the tree but i could dude you can't replace that it's i mean i guess you can like you described but that's incredibly costly it really is tens and tens of thousands of dollars oh so much like but what would happen so but if like a storm came through and knocked their tree onto my house they would have to because it's their property that's their fucking problem right potentially yeah i mean it gets it always gets complicated um and it's gonna be different state by state and so you this is this is why that specialty is important because in one state you might have a duty to prune the tree above your own house just to the property line

right like so you can't you can't chop down tree, but you might have to cut the branch that's looming over your house that poses a danger. Um, in another state, you might not be able to do that. You might have to, uh, ask them permission to do it, or they might have a duty to do it. So you really got to kind of get into, uh, on a state by state basis who has to do this or not. But that's why you always want to check with a competent lawyer in the field of law in your jurisdiction, of course. The stupid lawyer caveat. But there's a reason for it. It's because it's different place to place.

In Minnesota, triple damages on chopping down a tree. In another state, you might not get triple damages. It might just be single. In a different state, damages may be calculated differently. It might not have to replace it with another tree. You might have to replace it with some, I don't know, some comparably aged tree,

but it doesn't have to be the same thing or whatever. I just need to look up Missouri tree law. Growing up, my dad had two neighbors that hated each other. These were next doordoor neighbor farmers. So we're not just talking about adjoining quarter-acre lots. We're talking about adjoining property lines that extend for a couple miles of walking, if you're doing a straight line around a whole property, the way it adjoins,

100-acre properties that adjoin. One guy's dogs had apparently chased the other guy's livestock, exhausting and killing it thereby he felt like he was owed restitution for these dead calves the other guys tell him to go fuck himself so now we hate each other and there's like thousands of dollars on the ground burnt essentially as far as one guy's concerned and so the other guy he's like yeah he sneaks over here at night i think he steals the pins out of my tractors because they like little things go missing around his farm that are like little pins on your tractors like what do you do now go to the john deere store like we can't work today like it would

be a problem if you took all the pins out of somebody's tractor who needed to do work and and so and so like and then like my cousin worked for levi the man who kept losing the pins to his tractors and there came a day where he's like, yeah, spray the, you know, all the weeds with Roundup, you know, kill all of that over there. And, and Scott's like, well, what, what about over there when I get next to Calvin's place? He's like, put it on full blast and kill everything that you can reach over that property line.

If you can hit it with that, kill it. He's just killing 12 feet over the property line. It's dead like the littlest anything they could do anything they could do back and forth to like like if you could dump a pile of shit onto the other guy's property or like you know anything you're gonna cut a tree down they had that property line redrawn by various experts who used varying techniques from multiple times it's like no no this guy's bringing the fucking laser in because you know the title of that property the title search on it it's a like it's like uh well

uh 14 feet away from the old fence that runs down perpendicular to the creek. Walk until you hear the bees. Yeah. Like you look at some of these things that, that happened with my, my wife's grandpa out here owns this. He owned the, their family farm,

which like they didn't farm it, but it was, it was an old farm site. And like the deed to this thing was written in fucking aramaic or whatever and so they they're like they're talking about these reference points that don't exist yeah and so they had to go find a guy like to solve a property dispute this guy is like 89 years old and he remembers when they wrote it and he's like yeah that's the fence that we used to climb into kids it was right around here between this tree and this it's like oh jesus like this is what you're relying on this is how

you're drawing property lines with an elderly man those old farm properties are like that though because they typically stick around you know passed down for generations a lot of metal pins yeah like down here like like when i would walk through the woods hunting and stuff in particular around property lines that maybe didn't even exist anymore you'd find those pins in the ground sometimes yeah and also um like like alien um alien uh indian uh uh burial sites we would find that every now and then stuff like that you ever find anything like that taylor an indian burial site yeah, I don't think so. Unless I was just walking over it in the woods

and I didn't know. We played Tomb Raider. We put our shorts on and we'd get in there and we'd dig them up. My friend Dan, we had him on PKA with the divorce story, Kyle, you remember? He found five grave sites in a row on his property. They were slaves.

They just buried them. How'd he find... When he buried them. How did he find... When he got them out, did he make them start working again? How did he get slaves? They were just unmarked. They were like this big. Obviously, they were placed there by a person.

I don't know how he knew new, but he looked into it or something. Did he get them tested genetically? This is an African person? They didn't dig him up. They cleared the area and they found the head stones. Is that what it's called? But it's not much of a tombstone.

It's like an unmarked rock. I don't think it said the race on the head. Even back then, we were decent enough not to put your race on the headstone. Yeah, it was mostly crosses and such. Yeah, they throw your religion up there. It was nothing but a little square rock type thing with no name on it or anything. Yeah, marker's mostly crosses and such. Yeah, they throw your religion up there. There was nothing but a little square rock type thing with no name on it or anything. Yeah, marker's a better term.

Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to go... Can you guys feel sad for the shitty headstones at cemeteries sometimes? It's a measurement of how much you love them. You'll see an incredible one with an angel on it or something, and then you'll see one that's like oh man like you died in like 2018 man like there should be something else here so you might not know this but elverton georgia is the granite capital of the planet there's a place in like virginia or i think they might like occasionally like oh we got production up this

year come now don't even give them that dude you have such a lead so it's real cheap here is what i'm getting at so the graveyards get ridiculous on the cheap here because they're digging it out. Yeah, like 45 minutes from where I live, that's where the planet's supply of granite is. So it's a little cheaper.

If you see somebody that's just got that little... It's like, dude, my dog's got one of those. You know? Like when my dog... When Dad's favorite Jack Russell died, it's like, we gotta get dog's got one of those. Like, you know, like when my dog, like when dad's like favorite Jack Russell died. It's like, we got to get Hank a fucking stone, man. We got to get him a little, you know, like something shaped like this. Fucking engrave his name and shit. Go out there, hit it with a pressure washer every year.

Make sure we remember, you know, he was a good boy. I want to go in the other direction. You know how they have family cemeteries? People with some land might have a family cemetery. Yellowstone, they do one. Let's do a family urn right we just pile all the ashes big mason jar and we carry it around like the heisman we get a bigger jar you know they gotta color the they gotta color the ashes to like dye the ashes so it's like those fucking sand art that

you made as a kid just pile up the layers like there's dad right there he's the orange one forget it we're doing this now that's now someone fucking shook the family urn now it's brown now it's just sand the moving guy just fucked everything up boys as much as i like that idea what you can actually have done now is have the ashes compressed into a fucking diamond do you know about this yeah i've heard yeah i've heard about that and then and then it's it's now you're making money on your loved one's debts no no no like stick with me here like then you can launch that diamond into space for like affordable like it's like two thousand dollars a kilo or something in space dude oh elon will in space. Dude. Oh, Elon will take care of you.

I run an Ashes. You don't trust Elon? Hold on, guys. I run. This is so funny, Kyle. I run a space. Yeah, I ship all the diamonds to space, Woody. Don't worry.

It's only six grand at my service, Kyle. I will send anything you give me up to space. Guaranteed. I'll show you a picture of it in space. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. I'm just going gonna take the picture guaranteed you were you let the tech guys in the in the lab worry about that one

you let the boys on the space station you let some guy on fiverr handle that you let your issue i found on fiverr handle that you see that floating russian astronaut with a dslr camera sitting at the little porthole in the space station he's taking my pictures right now of all the shit that i sent into space that's what's going on no i would like that though like compressed into the diamond everything i think if you know one of my dogs passes away i think that's what i'm gonna do to him and make it out of him if you have one of those asshole neighbors that you end up killing over a snow dispute, you have their ashes pressed into a diamond and then you pawn that shit.

Yeah. I don't think it's a valuable diamond. Disrespectfully. I don't think we can make a butt plug out of it. One of those. You don't have to get a lot of money for it to be funny. Yeah, and if it's not a real diamond, I don't want that anyway.

Well, I mean, it's... No, it's the blood and suffering i don't i don't want that anyway like well i mean it's no it's the blood and suffering that makes it special kyle well it would be an actual dime like ashes are so like the actual like cremation makes a ton of sense but the part where they like give you the ashes afterward is fucking weird like yeah it's like what what do i what do i do with this like it came in a box that looked like uh yeah it comes in a chinese food it's like it's like the biggest order of family-sized kung pao chicken you've ever gotten it's like one of those folding boxes um yeah and there's more ashes than you think they're gonna be way more yeah it's like it's like grandma weighs like seven pounds now she's so fucking skinny it's like i didn't know what we did with it then i'm and i'm holding i'm like looking around for

like who's in charge and they're like you are and i'm like oh no isn't it like pulverized bones mostly the ashes like uh because like cremation doesn't like like turn your bones into ash i think they need to like smash those up and everything afterward right it turns your bones to ash. For some reason, I thought there was some smashing shit they did afterward. I think they might have to do a little grinding on some of them. Because they break down quite a bit, but I think there's still some chunks that get kind of ground up. Yeah, I think that's right.

It'd be interesting, because Woody's going to have hardware that falls out, right? I was just thinking, what is the melting point of all that shit I have in me? Oh, titanium? No thanks. Like like 2000 degrees celsius or something stupid like they remove women's implants before they do it i i read about the stink alone yeah apparently they remove implants before they cremate they just like why is that cut them out i don't know and it was something i read online probably in a very non-reputable place. And I'm paranoid. If it's a Reddit comment, you know it's true.

No, you got to recover those. It's probably a Twitter. It's better than an attorney. I was on poll. Well, the good thing about all the shit that's in you, Woody, is they can just recycle that and put it in someone else. That's good thinking. Yeah.

Yeah. You can be like, if you get hope into like stock car racing you can be her shifter that metal thing oh and then she can be like i'm gonna need your help here dad like in a movie and then she wins the race oh that's so awful this is my favorite future no this is great i'm gonna have to fill fill in the gaps for all of it but the end. Trust me, there's going to be a triumphant moment. I think the opening scene is where I break another leg. The opening scene is where you break another leg.

This metal thing will never be used to win the Indy 500. A little foreshadowing. What a horrible movie. like crankshaft something what do they do with like like like i saw you talking about like removing the pacemakers and and uh those auto defibrillators and stuff like that that shit is expensive as hell i just feel like on the used market should be able to get something back. Right. Like, like African doctors who do the charity work. Like,

it's like, that's what we should do. We should be donating those. Or to a veterinary hospital, at least like, like let's make one dog be able to, to, to,

you know, cross that rainbow road a little later. All right. I don't want a haunted one though. I want a new one. No, I have to get a pacemaker. I don't want, I don't want the one that some other guy he's dead it didn't work that well 100 machines yeah i want to be ashamed of its failure and it would try extra hard for me

the machine spirit only it was properly anointed with the uh incense and oils right and prayed to the messiah that's right oh that's awesome do pacemakers usually i thought that was a little space marine behind you is that a salamander this is all warhammer books that's all this is oh you gotta talk to kyle about there i mean are you playing warhammer 40k the new game the dark time top down rts oh the total war total war warhammer no no, no. I haven't played a video game since the Johnny Depp trial. Like, outside of, like, I spent, like, an hour, like, two days between

then and now playing. I just have not had time. I liked Total War 1 and 2. I never bought 3 because they didn't come out with the stupid crazy special editions that they had for 1 and 2. They were like 200 bucks, and they came with all this shit, like a dwarven drinking horn and a brood ring where it has like a D six

dice around the ring that you can spin and shit. Cool. They, but they didn't do that for number three. So I never got around to buying it. And since I haven't played it, I haven't bought it, but,

um, I did a pre-order, uh, rogue trader, which was made by the guys who did Pathfinder Kingmaker. And it's a top-down RPG, like party-based RPG, like a D&D game. But it's under the Rogue Trader rules. And that looks really fucking cool.

So I'm looking forward to that shit. Yeah, I've gotten super into 40K in maybe the last couple years. But I'm a big fan of Darktide. I liked Vermint vermin tide before i'm not happy with the current state of dark tide i'll go back to it when they have improved some but we've been heard talking about playing some rts and that that um warhammer um um is really good total war is great yeah yeah yeah i've played a ton of that um the second one like man i don't know a thousand we i game a lot so like like when i say a ton i mean like a thousand hours or more oh shit and um but but uh i like that game and i love the 40k stuff i'm excited to see henry cavill

take that on i'm gonna trust amazon not to do a good job and maybe just let him do his thing uh it's gonna be cool to see because the last of us is killing it right now um are woody doesn't like it because he he he felt like it was too slow you didn't enjoy the emotional character development previous one two two episodes ago not that good but the last one i mean i liked it i liked it they definitely moved the plot along so good yeah i like that they only spent two episodes in the city and moved on. But yeah, I'm hoping that Amazon is able to one-up HBO and do 40K justice, or at least do some small part of 40K justice. Taylor, did you finish reading the book?

Yeah, I finished Krieg. Which one? Krieg. Krieg. Oh, okay. I enjoyed it. I don't think I read that one. It's interesting it it shows the the it

gives you the simultaneously it tells the complete history of the creed why they are what they are and how they got that way while telling a current tale of how they were influencing a uh a war on a planet so it's it's it's pretty strong and it's not that thick and i think that guy wrote i don't remember the guy's name who wrote it. He's written a lot. Steve Lyons, Steve Lyons. That's who it is. He's written a ton of that stuff.

Lyons with a Y, I think. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a Y. I, uh, I,

my, the one, the big hope I have for the Amazon, uh, series is I believe the rumor mill is that it's, they're doing Eisenhorn. Um, which I don't know that oh dude uh that's so that's where i started my 40k journey like actually getting into it uh it was probably it was damn near 10 years ago i guess um i was working and i i would just walk

to barnes and noble on my lunch breaks through the skyways in Minneapolis. And I just went to the sci-fi section, picked up the book with like the hardest looking motherfucker on the cover. It's Gregor Eisenhorn. And he's an inquisitor. And it's a three-part book series written by Dan Abnett. And there's now, I mean, so then there's a spinooff series of gideon ravenor who was like his apprentice and then uh there's another series that follows so that now their total series of eisenhorn is like 12 books and they're all just bangers abnett's like a really intense writer he

writes uh he wrote a lot of um the good one some one of the good runs of iron man uh he wrote and uh see he's great i i got introduced to it uh through youtube initially i had never heard of the universe before if i had i didn't understand what i was like seeing yeah um and i was then and still am really drawn to the broader timeline well the complete timeline like the pre-history um 30k is more interesting to me than 40k and uh and you know what i i'm always like yeah but what's happening right now like right now and like what's the new thing on the cutting edge is what i always want because i want big changes like i want the emperor to like do a thing well you know that's that's happening right now they're writing those books uh because gilliman is back yes um and and that's

the new thing and the speculation is that the lion is coming back because i think that's one of the books coming out so like the lion is going to come back uh because he's been sleeping and um and that's that's the big fucking change uh angron just came back because he's been sleeping, and that's the big fucking change. Angron just came back because he was banished by, what's his face? Calder Drago, who's fucking hilarious, by the way. But yeah, Angron just came back, and so now there's,

and apparently is not going to be able to be banished again to the warp. So it's going to be just a disaster. Yeah, see, I like that stuff. I like the broader timeline and like like i'm really fascinated with the the emperor and like the thunder warriors and like and and all that stuff and like the deep deep lore um i really enjoy it and uh there's so many good youtubers that that just do a fantastic job with their voice work that um there's a series about the the the the Ogryn that I love so much that made

me fucking cry. Oh my god. That's a really good one. We have to get back to that guy about us doing voice acting in one of those episodes. I would love to. Zach, send me his email again. There's a YouTuber who wanted us to do

some voice work for him. Who is it? It's the one who did the Og do some voice work for him. And who is it? You know, um, it's the one who did the, the Ogren story, right? It might be the old Ogren story. Yeah. Like he himself is an amazing voice actor.

Yeah. Sure. That part where he's like, mama told me someone's being bullied. It's an Ogren story to stop him. Yep. And that's true. Cause mama can't lie.

And it's like, he had this Forrest gump thing where he kept saying and mama don't lie yeah and it's like mama's been dead because her plant because she was on warriors here yeah it's um like he talks about it it's it's you're getting a gigantic galactic story that's epic as fuck, but from the point of view of an ogre. And so it's a very simpleton kind of view of it, which at times is charming. And other times it's really uniquely painful to listen to because he doesn't quite understand that like someone's daughter is dead because Katie has been destroyed.

He doesn't quite understand. He just knows that he can't see him anymore. And like, there's lots of sad stuff like that. And it's real, because Katie has been destroyed. He doesn't quite understand. He just knows that he can't see him anymore. And there's lots of sad stuff like that. And it's real, real good because his voice acting is tremendous. I enjoy that guy quite a bit. Yeah, I got it pulled up here. Warrior Tear is the guy's name.

I'll check this out. I haven't seen him before. I get drawn into the shorts. I'm not as familiar as Kyle to this universe, but this guy does a tremendous job of getting you invested in it. The shorts are quite good if you just click the shorts. I'm not as familiar as Kyle to this universe, but this guy does a tremendous job of getting you invested in it. The shorts are quite good if you just click the shorts on his channel

because they're these little very digestible little instances that will get you so intrigued about a broader story. And that's what you need, right? Because it's such dense material to plow into. If you don't know where to start, it can be overwhelming

and you can check out. And you're like, I don't know what to start uh it can be overwhelming and you can like check out you're like i don't know what a fucking this that or the other is and you just get confused but yeah it's a good place to start the it's like one of those things that's so well done that as you're like getting emotional over it you're like you have the cognitive like thought to be like i shouldn't be getting like this emotional over a big fat fake guy who misses his momo like but it's yeah he's great i love the 40k universe i i want to read more books of it like i need to find more good stuff i i'd strongly suggest the eisenhorn trilogy the first one xenos malius and hereticus and the reason i tend to to do that is a lot of 40k books don't like just kind

of devolve into bolter porn it's very much like chainswords and bolters and space marines saving the day which and which is cool like when you're into it but if you're not into it it's like okay but like where's the where's the story and where's the plot moving um xenos uh so the he's an inquisitor and it makes it into like a detective story and it's a his whole arc is like a detective noir story where he goes he goes like deep into the he gets labeled a heretic and and some people like like him some people hate him but he's he's talking about like dealing with this galactic fucking power uh who's threatening everything called the king in yellow and i won't reveal who

it is but the end of the most recent book that mentioned who the king in yellow probably is it's like one of the biggest fucking reveals that they've ever had it's like it can't be this this cannot be the answer because this throws everything into question so that's going to be awesome uh but yeah the the eisenhorn books are really good abnett's great writer and it it brings in enough like well here's some space marines here's some eldar here's some of this here's some of that like sprinkled throughout the story where you're not being overwhelmed by this is just space marines versus orcs in one of the battle novels uh which i love those too but uh this one's it's a lot more intricate and kind of eases you into the universe in my opinion really well yeah

i'm a lot more interested in the lore and the history of like all the different factions and everything than i am and just like i guess what you call the fight novel yeah that was what was good about krig is that there was i mean there's a fuck ton of fighting in these books but like it was equally about like you know kind of the AB storyline of like you got the origin of the Krieg you got kind of the what they're doing origin of the Krieg is so cool I I love that story that that ruthless sort of like just well you develop you develop infant or not infantry you develop a lot of empathy for the infantry creed guys throughout it. I kept feeling

bad for them. They felt like shitty life. Death is a blessing, right? It's like every time one of them would die, I'd feel bad for someone who thinks that death is a blessing. Well, I mean, I guess their world is fucking boring. They never take their fucking mask off. Again, they're never going home. Their breath breath's bad oh their breath they have to be

so much acne you don't take that shit off dude like like what when you're when you're 16 you fucking like eat a greasy potato chip your mouth breaks out he's been wearing that mask his whole goddamn life oh and now it's too late it's like when you wear a coat over your t-shirt and you wear it inside too long and now you've sweat and you can't take your coat off or people are going to see you sweat on your t-shirt and so the decision's been made you have to take off that coat quicker you know how like i can't i'm sorry i can't relate to being you know all sweaty yeah well sometimes sometimes your weight fluctuates wildly and sometimes sometimes you eat pizza four times a week sometimes that happens sometimes you binge eat every night.

No. I've been good on that. Do not do that. Not doing it. No. Well, sometimes I do, but I'm fucking way better at it than I was. For me, it's when I'm doing the live streaming of the trials. Like, I've been doing one now for the past, like, three weeks.

And you sit there for, like, 10 hours a day just watching this boring ass trial and there's there's nothing to do so you're just like well give me a bag of chips or something like i'm fucking bored but i'm stuck here waiting for anything to happen just oh god it's the worst you ever eat so many salty snacks that your mouth starts to hurt but you keep eating the fuck yeah they're like you like you like make your tongue raw from the amount of like cheeses or goldfish or chips but like you just keep compulsively eating them i get that lots of people nerds and sweet tarts and and like uh and fucking smarties and stuff it's like oh you get like a bunch of those little rolls of smarties

like unroll all of them and you're eating and then your mouth is just shredded from all the fucking sugar. It sucks all the water out of your mouth. It's that acid. It's the citric acid that's in there making those things sour. I loved those, the Warheads candies. Oh, yeah.

Those little sour fucking things. They were, I can, my mouth is like puckering up now thinking about eating. What was the best color? Oh, I don't know. Probably yellow or something i correct i'm it's been a long time we were obsessed with these um these lollipops that were like gourmet lollipops and they came in like 80 flavors but they came in like strawberry cheesecake and stuff and they would come to school and do these fundraisers oh i know those things yeah i remember those you can make a such a goddamn kill and sell those things because we were just emptying our pockets i was like going through my dad's change

to to like buy lollipops at school because they were so fucking good they're like 50 cents a piece back in the 90s 95 1995 50 cents a sucker. Yeah. Give me seven. I remember exactly because the Braves just had won the fucking World Series and we were outside Mrs. Davis's music class and she was hocking those lollipops, that bitch. Well, it sounds like he likes the lollipops. Yeah, but I mean, she could have cut us a deal. You know what? Here's the had happy customers

bitch here's the best hustle i ever saw the best hustle i ever saw um this kid would sell cinnamon toothpicks in elementary school and i don't know how you make them but i think you just soak toothpicks in like a cinnamon water sort of like mixture and they turn sort of red and they taste like um big like cinnamon big red gum exactly and what do you want a quarter piece let's go that's a quarter of a piece fucking toothpick yeah your kids at the snack line right so like that's the minimum there ain't no 10 cent snacks wait i mean i guess maybe there were yeah maybe back then there were we'd have bake sales too i'm remembering elementary school now where like every like maybe one day a week there'd be this huge bake sale where um they just like ring all the kids out for all their pocket money selling brownies and shit every week

you had a big not every week but like maybe every month every six weeks or something i could remember they'd line tables up outside full of like homemade baked goods and candies and and stuff and and we would just gorge ourselves on however many brownies we could buy cookies or whatever cake for us it was the uh the the special education the special needs education kids would uh every tuesday they would bake chocolate chip cookies and sell them at the mid morning break in high school. So you go to your first class and then your second class. And then instead of having five minutes between classes, your second and third, you had 15. And it was, I swear it was just so the special needs kid could sell fucking cookies. And they come out with the trays of these gooey,

soft chocolate chip cookies. And they, people just line up and buy them. It's like, God, this is brilliant like this right when you're the hungriest kids and you know that lunch is two hours away you're fucked you just like remembering all this stuff from school and like the the bake sale reminds me of when i was a junior in high school there was this like they had this like bullshit like cult like if you were in spanish or spanish two or whatever it was like culture day and it was meant to be one of those things were like an easy grade boost where they're like all right we're gonna you you get assigned a south american

country and you have to bring like a dish from that or something and everyone just did like boilerplate bullshit like tortilla chips and mexican street corn like tacos like all of it was very normal stuff and there was this one bit of a a weirdo he was a senior a year older than me and he was a very popular like he was a popular kid like like state champion wrestler like or like in the top couple like Very, very good. Very popular. And so you wouldn't have expected this from him. And he got assigned Peru or Brazil or something.

And this motherfucker went to Petco and bought a guinea pig. No. Because in Peru, they eat guinea pigs. And he murdered, skinned, and cleaned, and then brought a guinea pig dish to school to feed his classmates.

This doesn't happen in New Jersey. And as soon as it got wind, because he was telling people laughing, he's like, yeah, I got a guinea pig. And I remember people being like, did you fucking hear what Jared did? He went to fucking Petco and killed a guinea pig for this and we were like dude this is be like i get he's like it's kind of funny but this is fucked up dude like i can't believe he slaughtered a guinea pig as soon as miss uh who was miss johnson whoever was like heard about that she like came in confiscated the food so the death was in vain and and and like if anything let the people eat the

food like so his death wasn't in vain but yeah he he did get in trouble for i guess i guess it's illegal to go to petco and buy something for the purpose of slaughtering it and creating food uh are you gonna call the fda fucking yeah what are you gonna do yeah i don't think i bought it i wasn't gonna eat it this is perfect we have an attorney here this was some bullshit some teacher told me and i've been buying it yeah of course it's not illegal to buy a guinea pig and eat it we have the fbi ready dna tests on the poo bandit right now i'm a true fool yeah i can't i can't like well you can't go to you can't go to pet smart and buy a buy an animal to eat why the fuck not like it could be animal cruelty he killed it with a shovel

okay that one i mean i don't even know what's the proper met yeah how how did he shovel it to death did he smash it with a shovel you strangle it while you look into his eyes so so when you when you read um the the proper methods they use a very they use a bit of legalese to describe hitting something in the head hard or removing the head from the body. Or they'll also use oftentimes CO2 is a fair way to neutralize livestock for those purposes. So if you did any of that stuff you get around i know i know i've seen some of that paperwork and it's like yeah i'm looking at pictures we just hit him in the head have you guys seen this shit it's amazing it's a little fried guinea pig it's the whole damn thing but it looks like a piece of chicken it's like they love it in peru

i just checked it's peru how do you eat it? It's called Kui. It's deep fried. Or roasted. I did not try any. I kind of wanted Chinese food. Little pieces of meat, like in Chinese, like a stir fry, some veggies and peanuts or something in there too. He didn't leave it on the body. He made it. Oh, fuck

off. That's how it looks. That is not how it looks. That has ears it looks that has ears that's every picture i'm not even joking bro it has ears it's last thought was is this fucking for real i thought it was a joke okay that one's wrong it's not a joke no this actually does not look like a joke but like what he did not cook it like this he like did almost like like pulled chickenish kind of looking stuff that's why they didn't immediately they didn't immediately know that he well of course you don't just bring the carcass

in like until he bragged about it look look i don't want a dog on it peru was it peru yeah yeah that they're gonna have to work on that one. It's almost as bad as eating dogs. I'm okay with your national dish being rat, but y'all got to figure out a better way to prepare that shit. That is fucking disgusting. It's got teeth. They've all got teeth.

Would you feel better if they pulled the teeth out, Taylor? Yes. They cut the heads off and turn it into chicken and make something nice. Dude. Oh, who gets my rat head then? I'm not paying full price. Dude, I'll trade you my rat head any day of the week. Who's the scoundrel oh who gets my rat head then i'm not paying full price dude i'll trade you my rat head any day who's the scoundrel running off with my rat head i'm over here paying 89 euro or whatever you know that there's some like old grandfather in peru who like swears that the best part yeah get the heads the same way like like my grandpa who was fucking

in poverty on a farm like he still maintains that like pig feet are so, so delicious, which I don't want to try that. I'm sure it's fine. All that connective tissue when you cook it down is very savory. That's a restaurant? Yeah, it's a restaurant in Peru advertising their guinea pig. Can't even bother to like Photoshop the hat well. No, it's like one of those Andy's Mountain Caps.

Like, oh, man. Dude, there is a very specific, photoshop the hat well no it's like one of those andy's mountain caps like like oh man dude there is a very specific but somehow difficult to articulate aesthetic to south american photoshopped ads do you know what i mean there's something about it if i were playing geoguessr and there is a south american ad i it's because they're still really I can tell you tried medium yeah he's trying that shit is so gross you should not eat guinea pigs I wouldn't mind eating that at all you go to

go down to Peru and you can just get it it's all over the place it's apparently very good that's what everybody says I bet it is good but as long as there's not like, like, come on, get the fucking teeth out of there. Well, you don't eat the teeth. Then get rid of them.

What if someone said that about crab? Like, Jesus, get it out of that fucking big cockroach first and put it on a platter for me. All right. Check in, mate. You're right. A lot of the ways I'm seeing

is they shove a stick through the mouth of the guinea pig and they roast it on the stick. So that, you know, you just like that's how I would like an ear of corn. Yeah. Yeah. You like an ear of corn. I got spine. You know, you know that like dudes are like how many you want, two or three. You know, that's the car. It's like chili dogs there. They're like, you wouldn't just eat one if you're going to eat it.

And I bet there's a restaurant that has their own little spin where it's like, ah, we cook the little ones. You get a sack full. That's how we get them. Like instead of Crystal or Jack in the Box, they sell you a sack full of baby rats. It's like the veal version. They just hold...

Little jalapeno rat poppers, but it's the little pink rats that have been like... You just hold a pregnant guinea pig over a vat of grease and squeeze. All right, well, I hate that idea. Like 55 milliseconds of life before you fall in. pregnant guinea pig over a vat of grease and squeeze all right well i hate that idea like 55 you know milliseconds of life before you fall in well i don't want to eat i i think i'd eat it i think i'd be okay with it i don't mind i'm up for most things would you eat uh but that that filipino thing balut where they let the the chicks start to develop in the egg. It's a duck embryo, yes.

That's disgusting. You know when you see cultures with delicacies like that and you can objectively say, that's wrong. That's not good. There's no way that's tasty. They just didn't figure out better flavored eggs. They chewed it up whole.

That's the thing that bothers me. It's got little bones in it. There's little bones in there. i hear they're like cartilage the bones like they don't yeah but still woody you know like it's skull and it's brains and it's got a little beak that's like barely chewable i bet just chewable enough that you know exactly when you bite it can you imagine some glutton with a little with a whole pile of baby duck beaks like you walk i walk by to take that away as a server and i stab him in theton with a little with a whole pile of baby duck beaks on his plate like you walk i walk by to take that away as a server and i stab him in the throat with a serving knife this guy's i

gotta get you off the earth you vomitable monster you hitler of ducks you rip them out i'm reading about this uh i'm reading about this kui which is the the guinea pig dish for this person i think they may be a serial killer so it says uh about this kui, which is the guinea pig dish for this person. I think they may be a serial killer. So it says, inside the kui, incredibly, it's not like pork either. I can only think of something super juicy and rich like quail. It's obvious this is not your average fattened farm meat flavor. Finally, getting into the parts slightly further from the belly, the skin is more chewy and you have to really pull hard to rip off pieces.

It's fun. All right. rip off pieces it's fun all right he does make it sound fun it's fun is where you go with that it's kind of like crab i enjoy eating crab like that but if crab had like emotive eyes like if i knew what color a crab's eyes were it would be harder to do that the guy who wrote that has a scar across his eyes lately. He's got one of those James Bond scars and a milky eye. He looks like Mads Mikkelsen fucking sitting there with a Nazi hairdo talking about how much fun it is to

eat. Jacking off. Oh my God, that sounds so awful. Oh, speaking of, well, not jacking off, I was just thinking of Bill Cosby. Oh, you're thinking of Bill Cosby and jacky Hoff. You know, he has started his comedy tour, I heard. I think he's going like, I think he's touring and doing stand-up comedy.

I think I have that right. I'm going to go. Does he do a bit? Does he have a bit about him going to prison? I guarantee he has a bit about going to prison. I don't know but i'm fascinated and i do want to see it even if i just see a recording of it i i won't be satisfied until i do see it you know who's on the other end of that spectrum fucking rosanne bar

just released a a little her like comeback special or she's it's the most i've never watched her comedy i i don't know anything about her What happened with her was kind of a bum rap, right? Because, you know, she tweeted out that racist shit that she shouldn't have tweeted after some Ambien, I think, maybe was her excuse on that one. That one didn't fly. And then they fired her

from her own goddamn show. The highest rated show on Netflix at the time. I don't think it was. It was the Conners. No, it was enormous. That's not a Netflix show, though, right? That's like ABC or CBS, I think. Yeah, it's one of those two.

Anyway, and, you know, that's her thing, though. That's her thing. Stand up. No, that show, the Conners, the remake show that's based on Roseanne. She shouldn't have said that shit but i never like it i didn't like that they took you shouldn't have been fired for that but they're still making that show it's what is is the problem like i feel bad that they're still making that show um but i saw some of her like stand-up comedy and it's real bad it's real bad yeah she's like she's got some like bit about like how the liberals don't know what a woman is

and she's like i'm a woman a woman is me and it's like jesus it's like my grandma's yelling at me from the grave it's like you gotta be funny the points are a lot less important that's the worst part about stand-up comedy now pick a random special on stand-up or on netflix and just start watching it. Borderline 100% of these people now listen to the audience. And what percentage are laughs compared to claps? Because you watch a special from 12 years ago and there aren't big clap breaks where it's like, I agree, but this isn't funny. Like now there's so much of that shit where they'll be like telling a joke as a way to like, as an isn't this fucking crazy and it's like shut the fuck up like stop playing for applause breaks stop saying things that just

try and get the audience to agree with you like stand up fucking sucks now it does you know i hadn't thought about that but i i feel like you're right like you're on to something now now people are just they're excited about the part where the comedian says something that they think, too. Yeah. And it's like the way they carefully hedge now. I'm sure you guys have noticed in comedy the way these edgy comedians, they used to go, women be like, women doing this. Now it's all very carefully, white women, white women do this. White women.

And it's like, stop pretending like you're being edgy with this shit. You're talking about women, but you're prefacing the statement by saying white women so in case people come after you can go no no no i was making fun of white people it's okay it's like just just tell your joke stop hedging just that like little it's impossible not to notice shit like that the only good and i hate giving them any praise at all but there is a segment on saturday Night Live right now that's actually pretty funny. You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, yeah, of course. The black guy and the white guy write each other's jokes. Oh, my God. And they get away with the worst shit. It is fucking funny. He's like, yeah, Warner Brothers is creating a new Superman movie where Superman is black. It's called Man of Steel, spelled S-T-E-A-L.

It's like, oh, Jesus Christ. See, that's a great line. Yeah, and it's like that. You used to be able to just tell that joke, but now you have to cage it with the black guy wrote it and smirks at the white guy who is uncomfortable saying it but it is still a funny segment like that that segment would have been funny 20 years ago when you didn't need to do it um and it's still funny now i do i do got to give him credit

for it because i i watch those pop up in like my shorts feed all the time and i will watch the shit out of those yeah i like those two they too. They're very good. Weekend Update has always been one of their stronger, like, it's not really a skit. It's just a good way to set things up. It's made for funny. I've always liked it going back to like Chevy Chase. Yeah. I remember that one with Jane. What's her name?

Did they always put their strongest people on it too? Because I can hardly remember a host that I thought really sucked in a weekend update. I don't know how they gave that job to people. You would think it would be something that was either you'd have to want that and be like, yeah, would you consider me to do the weekend update? I don't know. I don't think everybody wants that gig. That's a very specific thing.

Yeah. I've always liked it, though. You guys want to call it a show yeah i think so yeah yeah i gotta run nick where can everybody find every piece of your content wherever you are just type in ricada law if you're on twitch i'm there if you're on youtube i there. I'm on Rumble the most. I have a locals page as well. You can technically find me on Patreon. I think I don't do anything over there, but I guess if you want to just give me money that exists, don't,

don't go to Patreon. It's there, but don't go. But yeah, any, any platform Twitter as well. What's Rumble? Rumble is,

well, it's, it's a live streaming and video platform like YouTube that is out there. Started by a whole bunch of people. I don't know. It's a nice place where there's free speech.

You can say... It's made by a whole bunch of people. I don't know anything about them. Probably good people. Who's to say though? I don't want to say the wrong people. It's like like yeah i don't know it's made by the jews i don't know but uh no you can you can say basically whatever you want over there it's it's one of the last places where there is truly free speech uh well within within as much limit as there is on the internet my observation is they all start free and then the rules creep in because the one problem after another prevents it my hope for rumble is uh when they started

they were a canadian company and because canada put the rules uh around transgender um transgender related speech uh they decided to move to florida uh They moved the entire operation to Florida. Actually, I think they're opening their home office in Florida in just about a week here. And so they said, we have to move somewhere where we can respect free speech more because they had to have rules against transgender hate speech on the platform per the Canadian government to exist as a business.

So they said, we're moving. We're moving operations. And then the people who wrote their new terms of service are the lawyers, Viva Fry and Robert Barnes. Some people may know them. If you like hover around in my legal circles, you'll have met them. They're, they're guys who believe in the constitution, believe in freedom and really, really are strong on, on things like the first Amendment. So I have hope for the platform, but Woody, you're not wrong. That's what usually happens is it's like, oh, it's free. Well, until the advertisers come in and then it's not as free anymore. But so far I've said all sorts of horrifically offensive shit and they

haven't even batted an eye. So every video is monetized and I've never been talked to. YouTube, I guess with the free speech but i was also thinking along you could put music to your shit you could real songs like acdc didn't matter whatever was current drake you could just upload start doing the show over there we'll just have like a low playing beatles track what i really? People just care. Now they care a lot. What I really like is a lot of times I go through a video or you go through something

and you're going to do a ton of commentary on it. Like it's going to be clearly transformative, fair use. But on YouTube, their algorithm is going to flag it and take it down anyway. It's going to knock you out for like,

it's going to knock your video out for the critical first 48 hours or 72 hours. And then you, oh, it comes back to knock your video out for the critical first 48 hours or 72 hours and then you oh it comes back later and then nobody watches it none of that stuff happens on rumble um you can just freely do so i mean this copyright law still applies but they have to do it the old-fashioned way the real way that copyright law is supposed to work that you don't get this preemptive strike on your uh on your content because there was a robot that listened to it. So that's what I like.

I know it's time to wrap. On one hand, it really frustrates me that YouTube doesn't have humans making more rational decisions. It's just bots that you try to trick or whatever. On the other hand, I know YouTube doesn't make money and they have to automate as much as they can. And I've heard stats about the ridiculous five years of content every minute gets uploaded to YouTube. I just made that up, but it's probably close-ish. They need bots to do this.

Oh, yeah. It's crazy. I think I actually read it's 48 hours a minute. Wow. That's a lot to watch. All right. Well, buy our cum pills and, uh,

um, check out Nick's stuff. PKA 635. And the.