Painkiller Already - PKA 641 W/Ed Bolian: Cop Disarmed By EMT, Does Taylor Have A Baby Coming, The Internet Is Evil

Episode Date: April 1, 2023

pka 641 with our guest ed bullion from vin wiki taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lock and load real dbg.com and of course blue chew ed thank you so much for joining us so great it's always a blast thank you all appreciate it i i can tell i i enjoy having you on because they'll be like, when they mention a car guy, sometimes I'm like, Oh no. Like, I like try to come up with questions in my head and I'll be like, what engines, what are they about?

Like that level of complexity. No, you're a great guy to chat with. So I'm excited to have you on. Thank you for joining us again. Y'all are too kind. It's good to be here. What's your personal car right now?

I just got the four-seat Ferrari. So it's called the GTC4 Lusso. So it's actually got an adult-sized backseat. I didn't really mean to get it, but I had an Audi R8. And everything under $200,000 in the exotic car world has gotten pretty sale-proof lately. It was really... So true. Everything was propped up by crypto money and crazy stock market returns and easy financing

and stuff like that. And as that starts to slow, you know, it's, it gets a lot tougher to move that, that kind of stuff. So I had one that we'd used for exactly, that's what it is. And so it's kind of goofy looking, but it's a extremely comfortable car, even at six and a half feet tall. And I, uh, I'm enjoying it. I mean, my favorite cars are still my Lamborghini Marcella goes, the V12 Lambos from the two thousands. And so, uh, always usually in one of those, unless it's broken, which it usually is. Can you fit in those comfortably though? Like the Lambos with motivation, you know, that's kind of the, come on, it's a Lamborghini. I, uh, I actually fit in them pretty well.

It's not what I'd call comfortable, but it's what I would call worth it. So I've been watching Formula One a bunch lately. Lately is like the last couple of years when it's still pretty casual. Does much of the tech from Formula One make it into the cars, the supercars? Not really, to be quite honest. The engines are radically different in both the way they produce power. There has been a new trend towards some ultra high level Formula One derived technology and like the Mercedes AMG one, the Aston Martin

Valkyrie. And these are going to be, you know, three to four million dollar cars that they can only manage to build, you know, 100 to 300 of with massive massive like 10 year lead time your next daily driver well and and they're you know they're inherently very compromised so they might rev to 14 000 rpm but they have 30 000 mile rebuild intervals and things like that and so you know things like paddle shift technology for shifting certainly did. I think it would have come anyway just as we automate more. But true Formula One technology on the road, or really even true race car technology on the road,

isn't that much of a thing. I want that thing from Demolition Man, you know, the Sylvester Stallone movie. They had a car accident at one point. I believe Sandra Bullock may have been driving. And the entire interior of the vehicle filled with a soft foam that was at first liquid-ish and then turned

solid. But then they were quickly able to tear it off of themselves after the crash was over. One of those non-Newtonian solids, right? Something like that. Is that a safety mechanism? Yeah, of course.

The whole car filled with a foam that you were now inside of and encased in. And then when it came to a rest on the side, they all just tore themselves out of the foam. It reminded me of that thing that motorcyclists have. You can wear like a kind of backpack rig and it like inflates an airbag all the way around you in key spots if you have an accident.

You just bounce down the highway. It sounds like you like this movie, but it sounds really bad. It won four Oscars, I think. Okay. I really don't. You can fool me with shit like that so easy. Wesley Snipes

won Best Sporting Actor. What are you talking about? I don't know enough to dispute it it Remember accepting the award with the blonde hair Come on Garbage turns into stars I don't know enough Yeah Saturday Night Live did the thing Where the airbag filled with Jiffy Pop And then they could just eat it until help arrived

That's the move Exactly You know I'm really thankful that I live in a world Where those airbags were all just designed and keyed in for men for men, for us there's plenty of people who aren't

shaped like us and built like us but they don't get airbags, but we do it's really a bad design as I think about it because men aren't the ones crashing their cars that's a woman thing you're so right you're so right so true all right this is so true women who's here which of you has been hit in the face with an airbag

anybody got one out i have you have yeah it's it's it's a shocking thing yes it is it my neck hurt but the accident was my fault and the officers like i'm like you know around the accident scene doing one of these things and the officers are like are you okay like should we get an ambulance for you and i'm like no it's totally nothing nothing at all there's no one to sue here but me i'll walk it off i've seen a lot of injuries from those like not just the impact of them you know the burns because you got this thick bag of like it's like a woven material like um that the bag's made out of it's real real tough stuff you look you've never tear it apart but anyway when it pops like it's rubbing

against inside of your if you're holding the wheel like you just burn your uh the inside of your forearms real severely not with like the rub fire but with friction yeah the air escapes right it's not air tight exactly yeah to make it real real air squeezes out really quickly and that's what can burn you and it smells like gunpowder so me not very accustomed to gunpowder at the time like it i didn't expect the airbags to go off i didn't see that coming it was it was an accident what happened was i was cresting a hill there was a red light and I didn't see that coming. It was an accident. What happened was I was cresting a hill. There was a red light and I didn't anticipate that there'd be a line of cars

parked just on the other side of the hill. There was some sunset issues and tension span issues that played into it as well. Just as I come over the hill, I hit my brakes really hard. The guy in front of me hit his brakes really hard, but he was better at and uh i hit the back of him airbag goes off it's pretty minor that dude's fine

my car might i think my car was totaled but it didn't look super bad sure but once the airbag busts the front and the windshield and like and it's a ford focus maybe or ford escort like it's a shitty car so the airbags ruin the the airbags blow up a car like the whole interior is like for you my lord and it all explodes the attention span was tight i was going on vacation this was like friday after work i'm about to go on some vacation for a week and i'm just like on walking on clouds you know I'm just so excited to be leaving the office headed back home I'm like newly married at this point in my life and we're about to go on vacation and it's just everything is coming up Woody and then I total my car it was like it was supposed to be the summer of Woody

yeah was it one of those like like when you got hit in the face with the the airbag and the cop was like are you okay was it one of those times where like you were embarrassed to be hurt almost and so you felt like oh no i'm good like totally i do that like if i accidentally like maybe a year and a half ago i fell down almost all my stairs towards i was going to work out with my little fucking blender bottle and i just just fell down the stairs where like i hit my cut my my tailbone on like nine straight ones it was one of those things where i was in like concerning pain at the bottom but like i just stood up and like and just like walked into the gym to keep working out because i was like if i don't address, it's as if it didn't happen.

Yeah. So then later I'm like, man, I'm so sore from that workout. I'm so sore. I really got my pelvis. No need to go to the doctor, though, because it's muscle soreness. Yeah. Thank God it was lower spine day. So when I go to these – are they carpeted stairs? They're going down into the basement, right these are they carpeted stairs they're going down into the basement they're

carpeted stairs so it wasn't like it could have been worse yeah i i don't want to cut woody off too hard but like i've always the worst kind of stairs to fall down is the escalator because not only are they metal and sharp they're toothed there's never you're never done falling down four flights of stairs yeah it's but wait, there's more. There's a leading cause of death in China. The Mitch Hedberg nightmare death. What is it about Chinese escalators?

Why are they so hungry and what makes us eat so good? It's like they just collapse in the middle and it turned out that Chinese escalators are just a big hollow box full of gears and metal. China men are made out of chinese food and the escalators they're hungry but then they get hungry again a minute later i mean here in america we've got escalators down i pretty much never see an escalator issue like our whole society pretty tuned in on escalators i've

been all right you see the fool like hold the handrail from the outside and get pulled into the sky. That's someone who underestimates their own grip strength, not someone who they thought they were going to ride into the top. They're not smart. Escalator's going up, and it's got that rubbery

handrail on the side that moves along with you, and the kid sticks his head over the rail with his neck on the rubbery handrail on the side that moves along with you, and the kid sticks his head over the rail with his neck on the rubbery rail, and his head gets stuck between the wall and the rubbery thing, so he's just at the top with his head stuck in there, and it's just pinching him

in there for ages, like, ahhh! And the mom is not as concerned as she should be. You know what I mean? There's levels to shit, and she didn't immediately go to like an eight, nine or 10. She was still at like a four. There was a little bit of annoyance.

Oh, don't stick your head in there. Come on. You're doing it again. And he's just dying. I was afraid of escalators from a very young, young age. Like,

like my grandmother was like, it'll suck you in. Like, and you know, at the, at the top, it has that thing where the teeth meet. And it was like,'ll suck you in like and you know at the at the top it has that thing where the teeth meet and it was like yeah but if my shoelace go i grew up on the farm so important for how it works your shoelace goes in an auger you're going in i just i just

assumed that the escalator would eat me if i weren't careful on it i always tied my shoes i'm still a little afraid do you remember i remember being a little kid and me and my brothers or younger brothers standing there doing that thing where you keep your feet totally flat because I remember my mom would tell me the same thing where she'd be like be careful you'll get sucked in and I'd be like mom watch and I'd be like trying to

almost get it stuck letting it push me onto the top bare way of the platform and you know what I have both my legs it's totally fake news if you don't live in China this is no threat Letting it push me onto the top barely of the platform. And you know what? I have both my legs. It's totally fake news. If you don't live in China, this is no threat. Because Taylor's not made of Chinese food.

No, no, no, no. That was it. Saving grace. There aren't as many escalators in life. I feel like they were a big part of the mall environment and the airport, and that was like it. No one else had any use for the escalator. Well, the elevator's better dude i was at the hospital the other day three flights fucking stairs what do you throw an escalator in there you got crippled people everywhere there's elevators all over the hospital i'm not getting an elevator on a hospital that's

like a hot box of disease and pain escalators like if you want to do a little system escalators like a viewing thing like a high volume viewing thing you're going through the mall you're kind of oh i'm going up there's the kb toys there's the fucking candle store you're taking a look elevator is practicality you're at the hospital you're going to you're going to surgery sir you go to to stat you know chance at a free inoculation i'm good i'm good I still mask up I go in the hospital It's almost like there's sick people in there I mask up like Jason

I do too And I say trust the science And then I get kicked out of Home Depot They're looking the shaggy down Oh alright So you know I love police activity and then I get kicked out of Home Depot. They're looking the shanty down. Oh, all right. So you know I love police activity. I got to tell you about the video I saw the other day.

All right. So police officers responding to a call. This woman, he arrives on the scene to this real trashy neighborhood, white people, white trash, trashy people. Big mama's on the porch. Yeah yeah my daughter broke the glass table and and it's my table now i deal with her money and that's why she broke it but but she ain't got and it ain't no good the table but she ain't got no business breaking it and he's like yeah she don't have no business breaking your table and you know as long as she's a minor she don't owe you nothing you know you her mother there's a cop's telling her all this and it's like

all right this is fairly reasonable even though like the cop and the mom seem like pieces of shit already and like meanwhile the son is like 16 sweeping up the glass that the mom has from the girl breaking the table and he's like y'all ain't gonna do shit anyway fucking bullshit police always come around don't never do shit don't never do shit you're gonna do nothing you're gonna do fucking nothing what's your badge number what's your he's just being antagonistic but not overly the cop takes it personally he's like won't you just shut the fuck up i'm here to solve some problems you shut the fuck up you little punk you little bitch is that you know what maybe i'll come over and whoop your ass won't you come over

and step in like a problem solver thank goodness we have this man on the floor and the cop starts into and the kid's like clearly all right mr police officer i didn't want to fight i just wanted i was just mad and he's like nah nah fuck and he goes over like shoves the kid like come on fucking do something oh y'all punks on the east side oh punks on the east side look at this and like there's people down the street going. What the sing song? The cop is saying this? He's yelling at the neighbors, punking the kid.

He's letting the neighbors know that the kid is a bitch. And the kid's like, I ain't catching no charge. I'm not going to put hands on you, catch some charge. He's like, I done told you I ain't going to lock you up. I'm just going to whoop your ass. I ain't going to mace you. I ain't going to tase you. I'm going to give you these hands son and finally the cop decides well i'm just gonna have to beat the

child he's not gonna hit me first so he walked so he's like you know what you know what shove shove shove and the kid like does something back and the cop like puts him in a headlock and like judo throws him over his whole body and now the kid's on the ground in a headlock, and like judo throws him over his whole body. And now the kid's on the ground in a headlock, and the cop is delivering ground and pound blows to the face. He's going, wham, wham, wham, wham. This is when the second officer arrives on the scene, having no idea that the cop has basically agreed for both men to mutual combat. And so he tries to grab the kid.

Come on, come on. And the cop goes, nah, don't lock him up. Looks right at him. Bam! Hits him again in the face. Don't lock up looks right at him bam hits him again in the face don't lock him up bam hits him again in the face and the cop's like come on kid get up and the kid goes you didn't whoop my ass he was holding me down the whole time that cop a second cop arrived just in time to witness an ass whooping that's all he ever did but the kid now wants to fight some more he's like this isn't over and the cop's like i already whipped your ass once. And it goes on for another like five minutes.

He got in a lot of trouble, the cop did. He just assaulted that minor for no reason. That's so strange. Usually cops are well known. Oh, for a reason. The kid needed a good ass whooping. But like Officer Give You These Hands was, there's a scene like that.

I think it's in a movie called End of Watch, maybe Jake Gyllenhaal. And there's a scene like that i think it's in a movie called end of watch maybe jake gyllenhaal and uh uh there's a scene where he tells the guys like all right you whoop my ass we'll leave with this warrant um all right they said if you whoop my ass we'll leave i whoop your ass you put the handcuffs on yourself and come with us enough of this bullshit and they had like a boxing match inside the house cop whips the guy's ass and he puts the handcuffs on and goes. And I've seen that multiple times where cops are just like, you know what? Oh, you tough? No.

Okay. And take the belt off and fight people. I saw a video last week. Cop boxing a kid in the street. Clearly, they're both circling each other. Europe. Was the cop black on that where they boxed to the street?

I thought they were both white in that one, and the cop was bigger than the other guy, but I kept thinking, man, that cop is only going to take so much of an ass whooping. The cop was black, and I'm like, whoa, he's talented. This guy can throw hands. He's not just tough.

He's clearly moving like a trained fighter yeah and the other guy also looked pretty good he was athletic i don't know if he had as much training but the the cop got the best of him he was just his head movement was so good he would the other guy wasn't landing the shots and afterwards it turns out that the cop like trained all the time he lives for this yeah speaking of cops who are like that like you guys have been into ufc for much like or that that world of ufc much longer than me but like my introduction to it was like 2006 kimbo slice on youtube and so in my head i was like kimbo slice is the toughest man on earth. And then I saw that video that got promoted where that big white cop,

like Sean Gannon, and he was like, I'm going to fight fucking Kimbo. And I remember going to watch that video and being like, oh, Kimbo's going to fucking tee off on this guy and fuck him up. And I remember getting halfway through the video and being like, oh, no. I don't think Kimbo's going to win this. Actually, he's actually he's oh no that's not even sean's blood okay shit i thought he was better at this than he actually is and so like it's interesting how that kind of you know shifts and everything i wanted to track that to like the racing world that you're in and i wanted to know about anti-hightism bigotry because everyone knows knows you walk into a Home Depot or a store like that,

you get the credit of being 6'6". People look at you, they go, he's a tall guy. That means he probably got stuff going on. But in the world of racing, like if you're a jockey, if some 5'6 guy walks in the jockey hangout and says he's good at riding horses, do you know how much those little dwarfs are going to laugh at him? They're going to mock him straight out of that room they're going to send him right back to the normal size roller coaster so he can ride just like on racing i bet that you is there ever a

time where you've been like i'm real good at racing and some five foot seven racer who's really good is like i bet you are champ i bet you're like real good like i bet you kind of hunker in huh yeah i bet you're the fastest in your family that's it or do you just turn them out of it oh you're exactly right yeah there's there That's it. Or do you just turn them out of it? Oh, you're exactly right. Yeah, there's no way. I mean, when you see somebody that looks like a tall racing driver, they might be 5'10", 5'8". This is not – yeah, there's nothing I would fit in, and that's okay.

I mean, there's some sports car level stuff that are modified street cars where you put a lightweight small bucket seat in and you could get some more room. So those are always possible. But a formula car, open wheel, no. What about NASCAR? Do those guys have – those guys are like regular-sized grown men and stuff? They are, yeah.

And the more rich guy the sport gets and less qualified by racing prowess, the bigger people can fit in. I'm glad you're here because I watched you with the driver in it. Am I wrong on that? I think they might though. Oh yeah. They do weigh you with the driver in it. Yeah.

So, so there's an advantage to being able to control where the weight is. Like if I weighed zero pounds and they could put that weight low and center it, or maybe over the rear tires, I don't know where they want it. That would help. Whereas if I'm fat and has to go where I am. But still, the advantage is muted so much. How much of an advantage would, say, 10 or 15 pounds be? Is that nothing?

Is that meaningless? Like in a NASCAR car, because we turn left in my household. NASCAR, fairly little. But Lewis Hamilton has done some interviews lately where he'll say that if he's 5 or 10 pounds heavier for a race, it's like tenths of a second on a lap, which I would struggle to, especially with the unpredictability of his car the last few years, I would struggle to think that's really a thing,

but it's a lovely thing to blame it on. You know, you had a nice wild night of a Brazilian barbecue and it got to be a problem, but yeah, I believe that I bring it, I bring it up because you can cut a tremendous amount of weight. If you if you if when he was going to weigh in, he drank a lot of water. He drank a lot as much as he could drink. He'd been over hydrating all day, which is maybe all week, which is going to be important because he needs to drop all that water weight tonight.

You know, like he could make a 20 pound swing. You can make a 20 pound swing without like any adverse side effects. He could make a 20 pound swing. You can make a 20 pound swing without like any adverse side effects. It'd be easy. You know how those, uh, how occasionally there's a wrestler who doesn't have legs and he's like,

Oh, his arms are just like, Ooh, just huge. And so he's competing against guys whose arms are like, not even in the same ballpark. He like, his grip is like a Titan's grip. Are there any racers maybe who have a disable meant,

whatever it would say, a handicap like that, where maybe they're hand racing and then I could see people getting upset. Like, God damn, like that guy doesn't have legs. He's saving 40. How much do legs weigh?

Like that's a good way. I'm trying to think. I mean, there, there have definitely been some more gentlemen, racers, amateur racers that have managed to be reasonably competitive, you know,

with missing appendages. So that can happen, especially with more automatic cars and things like that. But I can't think of a top-level racing driver. Somebody in the comments might. But, Woody, I'm glad to hear that you're watching F1. I mean, they've done such a brilliant job of marketing the sport through Drive to Survive.

That's what got me. Exactly. It's what got most people in or more in or understanding a lot more of the storylines i know it's predominantly funded by the fia but holy cow i mean what a successful transition from the way they've been broadcasting it for so long to a new medium and it has worked like a charm it's a little bit, I don't know, like insulting or embarrassing to be a drive to survive F1 fan.

Like I'm one of those new guys that doesn't quite understand why the mediums and hard tires were worthless last year and why they run regular tires when it's clearly raining out. Like I don't understand these changes sometimes, but I get it a little bit. I understand why there's porpoising on the new models

and what they're doing to fix it. My wife follows it too. A lot of it is quizzes with answers that I do not have. It's cool. Woody sent us a photo earlier, and it's his wife wearing safety goggles. She's got a high-powered laser that looks exactly like this because it is. And she's killing these sea creatures in their fancy aquarium by lazing them.

And they're just in there. Just dying. The water's boiling. Let me just do that. I thought that was real. Oh, my goodness gracious. Yeah, because these things don't fuck around. You're shining on the wall behind you and show them how it can start fire.

All right. I have to be careful because I'll put my own eye out. It's one of those Ralphie with the BB gun ones. Oh yeah, you got to have a special gun. Goodness. Is that like a sponsored gun? Careful. It was refracting.

And it was almost on your eye. It was like 50 bucks on Amazon. How about that? Is it marketed as a lightsaber? Did you see that when Kyle turned that on and pointed it at the wall? There was a little dot on his face right here. Oh, goodness. Oh, man.

Let's not. Oh, it's smoking. There we go. It's going to be great when I'm not the blindest one on the show. You've got to get some LASIK, man. It's the best thing in the world. I wanted it. And then my doctor, he was like, you probably thought about LASIK for a long time.

This was about four years ago. And I'm like, yeah'm like yeah yeah and he goes corneas are too thin i wouldn't recommend it and i was like why would you lead in like that you dreams crushed dreams crushed like you can't having glasses kind of stinks kyle's is of the opinion he's like i kind of like glasses like it's like something you can put on your face a little decoration yeah it's something that like you can just wear glasses with glass in it. You can have that style, and you have great eyes, so you can capitalize on both. And just say that it's reading glasses. This makes me so nervous for you and your family's eyes.

I like to hold the laser on the aquarium. It helps me hold it extra steady. Why she's freehanding it, I'm not sure. Do you notice the refraction like it's literally changed like like how it dings down a little bit were there any fish casualties from that exercise not in our tank we haven't had one but on the internet people show pictures of fishes with like one cloudy eye and they're like it went horribly wrong be careful of Woody, as you're taking this photo, you have eye protection on as well, right? For the sake of

this conversation, yes. Goddamn, dude, please. You're a friend of mine. I don't want you to go blind. Because of some stupid bullshit. It won't get both eyes, Taylor. He can get a patch. All of his hobbies are so sight intensive.

I'm going to be so much cooler if I lose one eye. Here's the thing. Here's the thing about losing one eye. Now, if you were good at anything, you're still good at it, pretty much. But now you're that guy who's good at it with one fucking eye. Right? Like the bar lowers for you. Everything's a little easier

when you've got one eye. So really, that would be a cure. Oh, yeah. It's probably therapeutic to do it. You never meet an uninteresting one-eyed person. Nobody's like, oh, I bet he was pretty boring to talk to. Even that dude who's in

politics with the one eye? I'd want him to tell me the story of it. Tell me exactly what happened. What's different now? From your perspective. Yeah. From your limited perspective. What is it like?

The only thing that I miss post LASIK was the ability to take the corrective lenses off because it mutes the world around you in such a lovely way that you can't read and focus on things. Like it was very relaxing to me to be able to not see what i wasn't gonna walk into a wall but yeah you can't do it once it once it's all fixed and over perfect i i definitely don't get that like i it would be fucking awesome to wake up in the morning and like just see like just open your eyes and see right away because like you just even like if you have contacts like even if you get the kind that are breathable, cause now it's not like the fucking nineties, you get like the monthly ones that you can actually sleep in for a full

month and they breathe through. Even when you have those, those are the ones I have when I wear contacts, there's still 15 minutes at the start of every day that I can't quite see right. Because they're like re acclimating and everything. So unlike normal people, eyes who like,

I assume you just wake up and see right like yeah like so i don't get that like when you like i i told you like it wasn't until like six years ago that i learned that everybody doesn't see giant stars every night on the highway i like how you made it a blacked out lens like that character from the fucking godfather for that's it is a distant ipad oh it just just bought laser goggles for the family from the fucking godfather for no apparent reason. That's pretty sick. A distant eye patch. I just bought laser goggles for the family. Thought the world would want to know. Send me a pair, too.

Good call. Good call. Yeah, I actually waited to get LASIK because that's one of the major side effects is night haloing, so I waited until after we set the cannonball record to do it. Smart.

We were all in Discord doing our little hangout with our uh with our with our patreon people a couple days ago and somebody pointed out that tony stewart had killed a man on the track and i was like yeah i remember that he's like no no he like straight up killed him on purpose and i was like guys come on they're driving race cars these things have thousands of horsepower you know shit happens people die it's a dangerous sport nobody says that so-and-so killed dale earnhardt. I remember him going into that turn. He bumped somebody. Nobody talks about that. Like, no, no, no. Watch.

And then I watched Tony Stewart murder a man on the track. Allegedly. Allegedly. Who knows what I was watching? I couldn't tell who was who. The fact that right before he gets to him, you hear the engine just roar. Like, he's going around the turn, and the engine's going, but it's like,

and then he mows the guy down that's murder but it's hard to feel bad for someone who's like walking into an active racetrack going you you and it's like common thing is that common in racing my father has done it maybe he's done that yeah the guy right i talked about this in the hangout when you're like an amateur race car driver, there's no team paying for that fucking car. That's your goddamn car. He just cost you thousands, maybe tens of thousands

and guess who? Oh yeah, I'll have to the guys in the garage will fix it up. No, you will. You and your garage. Taylor is only reasonable. So he's like, fuck you, you piece of shit. He threw his helmet. Hit the guy's car with his helmet. That doesn't cost him a $600 helmet. That's exactly right.

Insult to injury. So was that a big story in the racing world back in the day? Or were most people like ridiculous? They're trying to blame him for hitting someone who walked onto an active track. When did it happen? It's been they're trying to blame him for hitting someone who walked onto an active track. When did it happen? It's been a long time. It looks like it was like 2007 or 2008, right? Like 15 years ago.

I watched it twice, and it's like, man, why does he hit the accelerator? Why does he hit the accelerator? Why is he doing that? Is he trying to like scare him, and then things went wrong? Or did he steer? Dude, I was having fun in the Hangout being like, no, I don't think. It doesn't seem like he trying to like scare him and then things went wrong or did he steer dude i was having fun in the hangout being like no i don't think it doesn't seem like he tried to hit him like no i don't hear it i don't get it yeah his body he's in a race suit he's in a race suit you know

so it's like overalls and they're very sturdy but you can tell his body isn't all put together right, but it's being held together by the race suit. Passed backwards. His legs, he's much longer from tip of foot to tip of finger now than he was before because things are disconnected and broken. Yeah, Tony Stewart smoked that guy. I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose too. Well, Tony Stewart's still racing as far as I know. He's pretty retired now.

He continued to race many years. Yeah. Well, Tony Stewart's still racing as far as I know. Well, I'm pretty retired now, but yeah. He continued to race many years. Taylor is still racing as far as Taylor knows. As far as I know, all sorts of movies win Oscars. Like, that's the real... Dale Earnhardt never killed anybody.

They called him the intimidator. Tony Stewart's the fucking intimidator. True. Is that what they call him? A few races later, do you stop racing? I mean... They called him the intimidator before or after he killed that guy? Well, they called Earnhardt.

They didn't call the murderer the intimidator. Although the murderer would really one-up the other. Who's the biggest heel in the racing world? Who's the guy, if it's anything like fighting, that they love to hate? They do hate Jeff Gordon. Back in the day, it was Jeff Gordon. Why?

He was the guy I know of. I love Jeff Gordon because I guess he was the rainbow warrior. He wasn't as tough as all the other good old boys, and he kicked their asses race after race after race. He was head and shoulders above all these dumb rednecks that looked down on him for not being a dumb redneck. I was all about it. I was always a Jeff Gordon fan.

I like the look of the car. I love the DuPont car. Everybody else's cars look kind of plain. I recognize them, but his had its own fucking thing going on. It makes sense. DuPont is automotive paint. I like Jeff Gordon's look. He was the California guy who knew how to turn right.

Every time they go to a road course, he showed it, and I liked him. I interviewed him for a bit at Amelia Island a couple weeks ago. Super great guy. He's a proper car guy. What's a proper car guy? Well, somebody that Taylor wouldn't mind talking to. It doesn't have to be all about cars. There can be some overlap, and he can be a pleasant person to actually talk to.

He's not nerding out on stuff that nobody else cares about. He's not autistically automotive. Yeah, precisely. Just a normal guy. You can talk about magic. The gathering. And that's where the conversation went.

Just, you know, whenever, whenever you get into a hobby, I like to like steep myself in it and like seek out the people who are good at it and the people who got good at it and the people who got good at it and sort of like learn from them and sometimes you meet those people it's like oh you didn't arrive uh here at tennis because you were collecting talents like me you've just

you're just an autistic tennis man who's been doing nothing but tennis your whole life and you're obsessed with it like there's plenty of those people you meet along the way and they're great to learn from because all they do is that thing. All they do is that thing. That's who you want to learn from. If I'm learning a sport on YouTube, I don't want to go to a channel called General Sports Knowledge.

If I'm learning tennis, I want to go to the tennis fiend and a guy who's like, third upload of the day, we're playing fucking tennis. I love tennis. This guy's going to teach me how to the tennis fiend and a guy who's like, Hey, third upload of the day. We're playing fucking tennis. I love tennis. Dude, this guy,

this guy's going to teach me how to play tennis. Same with the magic. You, you, you, you watch a video of a guy teaching you a magic, the gathering strategy. You immediately know how good he is at the game by his inability to make eye

contact with his webcam. Yep. I know this guy cannot make eye contact with this cam right now. He knows a good blue counter strategy. I can learn. All I'm saying is that black is really strong in the current meta, that's all. Definitely, definitely the strongest.

He's also rain, man. They're 37, 37. 20 life points. You have 18 mana left. 18 mana, gotta spend it. I'm trying to get good at that RTS game we've been playing right now. And I'm looking

at... Now I'm not looking at the people who are entertainers in that sphere. I'm looking at the people who are competitors in that sphere on their YouTube channels with like 30 views a video. And it's just... They're terrible at making videos but they know everything there is to know about the stupid game.

It's a real slog to get through. We've been playing a bunch of that stupid game. What does RTS stand for? Real time strategy. So that means that we're controlling armies that are fighting each other and we're constantly clicking and rearranging and reallocating units and moving them around because

while it might be machine guns and tanks and stuff, it really boils down to a rock, paper, scissors type thing where, oh no, this unit X's out that unit and this X's out that unit. So it's really about coordination and if he's bringing tanks, we need to have anti-tank weapons over here. But if he's

bringing infantry, we need solutions for that. And it's constantly assigning things. The of a time management game is turn-based yeah so if kyle can make i'll make it up you know like 10 decisions a second then he will beat someone who can only make one decision a second because yeah it's called waiting but if it's turn-based it's just who makes good decisions if it's real time then who can make more decisions is a big deal yeah yeah very true it's it's a blast kyle and i have been having a real good time getting good at that and kyle linked me just last night he was like we were playing a couple dom games and he was like hey just fyi sent you a link to this uh noob tournament that's being hosted

maybe we uh maybe we take a little peek at it maybe we we join a noob tournament that's being hosted. Maybe we take a little peek at it. Maybe we join a noob tournament for Total War Warhammer 3. And I think that would be a great way for reality to come crashing down on us on how good we actually are at this game. Because I feel when I'm playing the group on Discord and everything I'm feeling like, god damn, I'm decent

at this. I know what I'm doing. But I guarantee I go up against someone real deal it'll be just like Age of Empires. Where it's it's like oh they know things i didn't know i had to know i think if we just played in a system where there are picks and bands um y'all would really struggle right because like you have like two or three things races you can do well and he has one so like how many do you need i have i have four i'm comfortable with and that's it and there's there's fucking 25 yeah you know in a structure, they do like picks and bans. I don't understand that term, picks and bans.

All right, so there's like five teams we can pick from. I don't want you to play one of them, so I'm going to ban one, you're going to ban one, I'm going to pick one, you're going to pick one, and we're going to boil down to a situation where nobody's playing the overpowered faction. If Kyle knows from playing me that I like to play fucking, I don't know, the Ogre Kingdom faction,

he's going to ban the Ogre Kingdom faction so I can't pick that and I'm less likely to be able to use strategies I'm comfortable with. And if I know he's likely to pick High Elves, I do the same. You almost seem like you just need to be good at two. Well, you get three bans. Oh, then four. Out of 25. Yes, out of four.

Then four. And so I did the math and then I figured it out. But it's great. So like, I love RTS top down strategy games. It's like they're so deep. There's so much to learn about them that is so different from FPS. We're like, FPS is just a different skill set, like first person shooter, like clicking on heads, being fast. Like it doesn't translate.

Juggling a bunch of things is so frustrating. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so difficult. So you'll have like 10 things on the board that are moving around. And if you forget about one for just a little bit, you'll look up and it's dead because they like surrounded your, like, if you've got a tank that you're driving over here and you forget about it,

well, they'll just like surround it with anti-tank shit and grind it to bones because you didn't keep it moving. And you've got to babysit every unit and keep it moving around or otherwise it's just a bunch of guys who stopped moving in a field and other guys will come along and kill them. So you're just click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. And you'll see sometimes like,

oh, he forgot about this. Look, it's in the corner of the map. He doesn't know. Go get it. Go get it. Go get it. Yeah, that's been real fun. That's been eating up a bunch of my time with playing that stupid shit. Oh, it's not stupid. It's great. Do y'all put them on Twitch? No, not this one. I don't think we're ready to showcase our skills in this game.

RTS, like real-time strategy games, are so in-depth and layered that when a fan of an RTS watches you, they rip you to shreds for not knowing every little thing they know. Imagine someone watching you on FPS and they're like you should have shot that guy it's like no that but a million you should have built this villager first you should have picked this selection of this unit i noticed at this point in the battle you sent the wrong one this way no i'm gonna wait until i'm an absolute master yeah i don't know this guy has a huge online it doesn't have a huge online community it's it from the... I feel like the whole Warhammer universe is about to get a little bit bigger.

It seems like it's becoming more and more mainstream with that... It's Henry Cavill, right? They got the Amazon deal. That's the RTS that we play. We're playing a mythical version of that. So like dragons and goblins and ghouls and witches and warlocks.

It's a cool game for cool people. It is. It's only the cool guys, as they say. I'm not being ironic. I think it is. It's a no virgins allowed scenario. Yeah. It's just me and Taylor.

You're the only sex havers playing that game. And Woody will get a kick out of this? The community of Total War Warhammer 3 that came out last year is significantly smaller than the community online of Age of Empires 2, which came out in 1998. Oh, wow. Yeah. Just to give you a picture of how much this this of how much creative assembly this company is failing to promote their their their game like they have way better graphics all this stuff and this teeny tiny little community did you know that there are games in 2023 you can

search for beginning guides on on youtube and they're not there not just that they're hard to find they're not there that's how fucking obscure and how like disinterested like not enough money and teaching people the game for there to be really good there's like two or three guys on youtube that are like into this game and like do it as a job yeah but but like they've been doing it so long they don't teach new people anymore so it's it's hard to like get the the building blocks uh because the third game is essentially the first game but with better graphics and more variety. It's the same shit just over and over, repackaged.

It's also about a $300 game. They screw the shit out of you. They make you buy the old games to unlock DLC for the new games. So if you buy Total War Warhammer 3, and you want, let's say there's 30 factions in the game, they give you four for buying a 60 game and you have to buy 210 or so of dlc and the old two games to get access to all the the factions they went all in on fuck you like we're not trying to expand we're trying to fuck you

we're trying to get money from you bitch like how much you got run them pockets they just added like a new race do you know how much it takes for someone into magic the gathering to go you're getting ripped off they make 300 video games because each piece of it they keep adding more like races and so like every time like the chaos dwarves are coming out soon hey you it's like dwarves but better it's chaos dwarves they're like corrupted dwarves evil dwarves evil dwarves are 20 i already bought it 25 it comes out like tomorrow i think i bought it early i got five off taylor that's you and guess what it's a new money away it's a new faction which means that they're going to

pump up the power level to get people to buy it. And so if Kyle buys the fucking Chaos Dwarves and they're overpowered, I got to buy the Chaos Dwarves. Fight fire with fire. Fight fire with fire. It's a real good time. We honestly should stream it some. Not because of our prowess at the game,

but I think... The real problem with that is we both go mum when we're playing because we both get real stoned and we're clicking as fast as we can. And I told you, you know what being stoned is like. You're not great at managing lots of things at once. You're worse at it.

And here I am being asked to control dozens of moving around. It's like chariots and fucking archers and everything's and so we're not conversating a lot we're sitting there focused like click click click you can hear sometimes we go through the whole game and like the end will get there and i'll be like good game kyle be like good game and that's the entire conversation this was like four four nights ago when we were playing like we was in the middle of a game. We were playing Domination where you try and conquer the flags and everything.

And I noticed this game was going so well. Like I was rolling over Kyle in a way that was not like usually we have pretty competitive games. And I was just molesting him. And like near the end of it, he goes, oh, I took way too much of that syrup, man. And I was like, oh, so you're like barely playing. And you're like, yeah, I don't think I've moved a unit in four minutes. And I was like, all right, well, this is barely a victory. Yeah, we have a weed sponsor and they make this syrup.

And it is incredibly powerful. Yeah, it's dangerous. And I took like a couple sips of it i like like you know western when they crack open the bottle and like glug glug i did that basically put the cat back on sat on my desk and went back to play and it hits you out of nowhere and and you don't realize what's wrong with you at first you're like oh is this it is this it and then is this am i being taken home lord the code's up oh it's dead it's gone now but this death by gummy stuff we talk about it every week irresponsibly effective i don't like i i once bit like the feet off a gummy bear and it i don't have

the tolerance that some do it knocked me on my ass i couldn't talk i i just the feet off a gummy bear and it i don't have the tolerance that some do it knocked me on my ass i couldn't talk i i just the feet off a gummy bear this is you need a magnifying glass to see the amount i took and it made me so high i'm really proud of woody because when i met woody i didn't i wouldn't have thought that he was going to be the type of guy to to get into drugs a little more drugs and tattoos here i am now drugs and tattoos well The tattoos you've dipped your toes in. I love your tattoo. It's excellent. But the drugs, I never

would have expected because Woody has done ketamine now. That is cool. I haven't done that. He's done a good bit of marijuana. Just a bit. Some vapes and stuff. And mushrooms. And what else? What else have you gotten into? Heroin? He's done a good bit of marijuana, not just a bit, some vapes and stuff, and mushrooms.

And what else? What else have you gotten into? That might be the heroin. No. I think it's just shrooms, ketamine, and the Delta-8. I don't know if I've ever done actual pot. Really? You've never just smoked weed?

Huh. No. really you've never just smoked weed i huh no i would have i remember when we did the survival trip um i had weed and uh but but i didn't want to like put you in a weird place like like being someone who knows that if i have illegal drugs that you don't know about that's probably better than having illegal drugs that you do know about if If we were to get into a police situation. Now, if you tell them, if they ask you if I have marijuana and you say, no, you're not lying.

You're telling the truth. You didn't know. And everything works. I would have been totally cool with you having, I wouldn't have smoked it. I didn't touch it at the time. That's why I didn't offer it to you. I didn't think you'd like tell him or anything.

I didn't think he'd want it. I wouldn't have judged you is what I'm saying. Chiz also didn't want any weed. I went into that Longhorns. Wasted. Yet still short of patience for that poor waitress. Fuck her. Fuck her.

I hope she lost a foot to fucking diabetes. It does seem possible. You had a bad Longhorns experience? On a survival trip? We were real hungry. We'd done the survival trip been in the week for in the woods for a week and it was over and it's like now it's time to break we didn't bring food yeah so it's time to break our fast essentially after a week and and we go to my

house we shower up and uh we go into this longhorns and we're getting very poor service and it was like come on it's just real slow service like she wasn't waiting on us and i was getting super impatient and i was talking about making a scene i was gonna make a scene we spent a week in the woods instead of bringing food we bought fishing rods and rifles dramatically over estimating our ability to hunt and gather it basically starved. Wow. How much food did you hunt or gather? I caught two crawfish. I was the only one that ate them. They were like insects, basically. The gathering most successful part,

I think Kyle met a person in the wood giving away cookies. That's not gathering. It is. This isn't gathering. He was indigenous to the area. It's important that I tell this story because what happened was I was out hunting. I was literally trying to kill us a squirrel with a fucking, as George Costanza calls them, with a.22.

Because I'd scouted this location for weeks prior that we were going to be camping in. And there were so many squirrels. I was thinking like, oh, y'all are in trouble in a couple of weeks i've never eaten squirrel but i've been watching youtube videos on how to prepare them and skin them and stuff and they just all disappeared as soon as we moved into the neighborhood there were no squirrels and uh and so what i would do is i'd walk out of our place i'd get in my truck and i'd drive down the road thinking maybe our like activity is running the squirrels off i'd park i'd get out and i'd sit in the woods with my rifle for a couple hours every morning and see nothing.

One morning, I'd run into another truck and be like, hey, because there's nobody out here. We're in Mount Currahee, where they did the five miles up, five miles down in Band of Brothers. Yeah, we're in Los Angeles. And this guy's like, hey, he said he owned a store and that they took the stale

cookies and muffins and gave them to campers and asked if I wanted any and sort of like holds up multiple boxes of m&m cookies and like mini muffins i think and i was like yes yes i would love that and i i don't think i ate any i think i showed up back with him and i was like what should we do with this i technically gathered it it's just shocking this is up there with flat earth as far as believability oh i hear you it was a muffin man dude none of us believed him but there's more kyle's like yeah you know they're just a guy in the woods giving away boxes of cookies funny thing huh and we're all like no way you're like destroying the integrity of this thing and the cameraman guy goes i saw him too i met him i turned down the cookies it's like of course you did you fucking dick you're the one who has food the cameraman was the only one not participating

in the real survival aspect of it he was producing the thing you go from ruining the spirit of it to being like what you bitch you had the opportunity to have bran muffins and you didn't i was so thankful that he had he too had seen the muffin man because the muffin man was it was such a a make-believe thing to tell people and like like i think that's how people feel like i don't believe in aliens but and ufo spottings i think they're generally saying like weather phenomenon i don't believe in men what i'm saying is like if you saw a craft with your own well not you because you're fucking blind if woody saw an aircraft let's say he's up there he's flying and he's he's like fuck there's no way that was anything but extraterrestrials that's it that there's nothing i was 80 feet from it he's gonna have

a hard time coming back down and explaining to that that to us in a way where we're not like come on what's the punch line though what's what's the bit like are you selling like what what what is this like why are you lying to me twice twice i'm up there and i see like a blinking light zip by i'm like the fuck like what i know i just saw something and now i can't locate it again and then it happens again zoom right comes back and i'm like what is that now meanwhile i'm flying right i'm flying this lawn chair so i'm a little task saturated it like already and i can't just like not pay attention to what I'm doing entirely. Eventually I find it. It's a remote controlled airplane that somebody is just buzzing around me, like enjoying, I guess, like they, I don't know, they probably fly all the time. And then it's a rare thing for me to

come by on my lawn chair. So it's something to fly around. And sure enough, I follow the airplane back and I find like a group of overweight 46 year olds in lawn chairs, just like operating their thing with their first person goggles on as I buzz around above them. And it was fun. The second time I caught on quicker. The only thing close to that is one night as many years ago, I heard this noise across the house and it sounded like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like someone was kind of knocking, pounding on a door or like prying something open. I get the gun and I'm like,

I get close to where the noise is and it's loud. And I'm like, somebody's in my house fucking like beating something apart. And I like announced myself. I'm like, I'm coming in there. Buh, buh,

buh, buh, buh. Got a gun and I'm going to kill you when I get in there you better be ready bub bub bub bub bub and I open the door and there's nothing in the fucking bathroom and I'm like what the fuck

is going on and I'm like trying I'm waiting for it to happen again because it must be through the floor or through the ceiling or through the walls it's got to be on the other side bub bub bub bub bub and again because it must be through the floor or through the ceiling or through the walls. It's got to be on the other side. Bub, bub, bub, bub, bub. I look down. It's through the floor. So I go down to the basement and now I'm terrified.

Now I'm sweeping. The light is on. The light is on the AR. It was a machine gun, by the way. I'm ready to go. You're ready to ruin the guy and your hot water heater somebody's about to get shot like 30 fucking times yeah it's an hvac system and i get to like under the bathroom and i'm sweeping that room now while like checking looking but i don't

it's just me i'm so scared and i look up it. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. It's the fucking toilet. The fucking toilet had been making noise. So I turned that valve on it off. So now it's like barely getting water. And the pipe is like doing is doing this jiggly thing inside the fucking like, like, I don't know, between the floors of the house. It was so goddamn upsetting. I was so convinced. Like, I'm talking to myself in my head i'm like oh you shot it anyway there's a point where i was like all right a hundred percent

there's a bad man like like i was a hundred percent sure at one point like like because i'm you know you're trying to like how serious is this it went like, let's see if anybody's here to, all right, let's do this. I told you that, that thing I did like two years ago where like I was going, like there was a bump in the night in my basement and I was requisitioned to go check it out.

And I was like goofing around and I had a bat and I was walking to my basement and I was like, when I, cause I didn't really think there was a gun on it. And I was like, cause there wasn't someone there. and I was like, when I... Because I didn't really think there was someone there. And I was like... And I was like, when I find you, I'm gonna rape you! I said that and I was going down the stairs and it made me

laugh so much that I was no longer afraid of because now the turntables, my friend, now he's afraid of me. Now he's sn stuck into the house. Imagine him hearing that. He's a homeless man who's just trying to get out of the rain. And he hears you say that

followed by a deep belly laugh and he looks like a dark figure coming down the stairs with a club. I'm just chittering at him like an animal. The whole basement's filled with weightlifting equipment. You know who's coming down. He's looking around, like adding it all up in his head.

Oh, no. This guy has 900 pounds of plates down here. Yeah, this guy's got a lot of weights down here. Officer, he fell into the bed. He put his head selfishly under the safety and then slammed the bar down on top of it over and over and over aside from like a gun vault let's if you break into somebody's house and you what's the thing you see that scares you the most like like other than evidence that this is a gun owner because we're in america everybody has probably a syringe

like a like a like a heroin syringe i've got syringes laying around everywhere i know those aren't heroin syringes those are getting jacked syringes yeah i have to tell people when i have like repairmen in i'm like hey that's uh i'm fucking juicing it bro it's not it's not yeah it's not it would be easy to tell those are not heroin ones but no they look exactly like heroin syringe what are the telltale telltale signs that the homeowner is an absolute badass? Probably if I saw a reef tank and a paramotor. Maybe.

Or a whole shelf for board games and magic cards. That would tell me, whoa, this guy knows how to have fun. You got some strategy to contend with. Taylor robs a house and he has magic. I think he has a new mission. Like robs a house and he has magic. I think he has a new mission.

Like, hey, bro, I'll be blue. Let's give it a go, bro. Let's play for your TV. I no longer want your toaster. See, I always had pet reptiles. So no tropical fish, but I have a nine-foot-long boa constrictor. What's his name? Sunny the Lamboa. And so she's she's about 11 year old albino snake but they i've you know you run into different people especially um uh like pest

control people an exterminator comes in and so i uh my first business was actually breeding albino iguanas in my parents basement in middle school and so this guy came to my parents house and uh i think i was the only one home when he was coming to spray whatever. I said, don't go in the basement. He's like, why not? I said, don't worry about it. We don't need anything.

Don't worry about it. And apparently he was also the owner of Exotic Pets and he had like an 18 foot reticulated python when he lived in some like, you condo in florida and he did the same thing he had a sign on the door in the room where the snake stayed just somebody was coming to fix an hvac thing or something like that he said don't go in here of course the first thing the guy does it was like a left the door unlocked situation he checks that room guy's deathly afraid of snakes and immediately like you know catatonic convulsing on the floor so

scared of this thing because it's not a cage in a cage or an aquarium or something an 18 foot snake it's gonna be it's gonna require a room that's you know it's sunny's room that's right yeah don't go in sunny's room but the snake knew that if the door was opened and left open the snake was supposed to crawl out towards the front door because they would feed it outside. And so this guy is deathly afraid of snakes, and the giant snake crawls over him, not to eat him, but just on the way

to the door. And I guess eventually he gets the courage to scream loud enough for the neighbors to come in. For some reason, they made him donate the snake to a zoo or something like that. Oh no, they took his snake away? They did. They did.

Should you be able to have an 18-foot snake in your residential home? Yes. Yes, you should. You should be able to have a tiger. No, I think you guys are wrong at the perspective I was coming at it from. Oh, which one? Do you have it? There's not enough room in a basement room for an 18-foot snake to be happy.

You don't have to care about snakes the same way because it's not like it's a whale. It's pretty retarded. They're not capable of happiness, I don't think. But you should still be kind enough to coil in. I bet if you tested the brain chemistry of a python who was beloved and treated like a baby and petted and the brain chemistry of one that was kept in a fucking cage but fed regularly, about the same.

You are right in this because- My needs are met, my lord! Reptiles don't even have a forebrain or a midbrain, so they only have impulses like hungry, cold, hot, uncomfortable, like pressure sensations. It's like Creed said in the office, animals don't feel pain. Fish don't. They say that.

How convenient that is that fishermen outside of fish don't feel pain. They apparently don't have the mechanism for it in the way we do. So they can feel like, I am being violated! But they don't feel pain. That's what pain is. You're telling me their pain is different than ours. What I'm telling you, Woody, is it's a backwards rationalization to make us feel pain. What I'm telling you is there's no evidence for this either way. If the fish

instead of the apes had evolved to sentiency and a technological empire, they would gut us and say, they don't feel pain the way we do. Exactly. They're going to come at us on PKA 646 or something and be like, you know what? Skinny frat bros don't

feel pain when you remove them from the parking spot. I've got another recounting of this might be the most insane police activity video i've ever seen okay so hold on before we get to the police thing i wanted to talk more about about ed's lizards and snakes i do too good yeah what made you like, what was the impetus of you doing that as your first job in middle school? Like you, a friend wanted to buy one from you and you realized there was money or what led to it? I'd had a pet iguana for a long, long time.

And I thought it was a really cool pet. You know, it's one of those things that nobody comes in and remembers that you had a dog, but it was always a thing to talk about. You know, it was an interesting pet and they're, they're really low maintenance reptiles in general. in general. The snake eats once a month, poops once a month. It's the easiest thing in the world. It's great around children. You can't be allergic to a snake. All the way around them. She's a real hugger,

the snake. I don't know. I always just enjoyed it. I thought thought in the same way that you like a fish right that it's you know it's something interesting to look at and uh you know when it's nice i'll let her outside she'll crawl around in the backyard for a couple hours can she get away from you they don't move all that fast i mean they she could move fast enough for a brisk walk to catch her i suppose but it's uh it's very easy to keep an eye on her and she just sticks around. It's a good thing. Did you ever mess with any venomous

reptiles? No, I didn't. I got a permit to get an alligator several years ago, but I was renting a warehouse that I then stopped renting. That's where I was going to live. Do it. Yeah, but my eight-year-old desperately wants an alligator next. We almost got a bunch. Your eight-year-old desperately wants uh an alligator next uh if we almost got a

eight-year-old would be so cool with one arm and faster in a race car as it turns we almost got an alligator um um lagoon at one point that pond that i often would blow shit up in my videos we were going to turn that into a gator pond because one of the things you can do when you've got poultry. What a great idea. It made a lot of sense because one of the things you can do when you have poultry houses, because so many chickens die every day, you have to do something with them.

People either burn them, they incinerate them, they bury them, which is really easy to do, but the environmental agencies really don't like that. Or you could feed them to gators. You could just get yourself a bunch of gators and they could eat huge amounts of chicken every day. And so there was a point when I think the environmental people were restricting the way that you could bury them.

And Ed was like, maybe we'll just... You know, so-and-so's got alligators. He's got like 30 alligators and they just eat all the dead chickens. This actually seems like a practical good idea i was ready to make fun of it but this no that totally makes sense yeah and the alligators are going to be well behaved because they're reptiles if they know i just hang out in this pond and they throw chickens at me it's not going to go looking for shit or you don't rock that boat

yeah yep is there any way to keep the alligator population in check like do you need giant pythons or spider monkeys what what eats alligators you guns yeah yeah you just shoot the ones that got too big or you uh sell that to another to an well actually i eat the eggs that solves the whole problem see that's the thing about alligators i use every part okay um i feed them chicken that i'm that I'm getting for free because they're dead, and I eat their eggs. So it all comes full circle. Incredible high protein in gator eggs.

Guy's got like 250,000 chickens, and he's eating the alligator eggs. It's 10 grams of protein per egg. Just boiling, just leathery eggs. Yeah, they're not hard. They're not hard. They're not good. You just slice them up and scramble them up. That's it.

Have you ever had any other kind of egg? I haven't. I was going to add. I've seen the videos online of the ostrich egg, and that entices me. It turns me off, and I don't know why. We've been taught that yeah cheese is fine they just take milk and like like separate the fat from the way or whatever they make fucking okay that's not

gross then yeah it's fine it comes out of that dirty monster over there's titties and then we process it yeah it's cheese okay but then like the idea of eating like some other kind of an egg or even different kinds of milk like you're crazy i'll drink raccoon milk. I don't care. You drink raccoon milk. If it had good macros. If it made me a bandit of the night. Taylor, can you milk a raccoon?

If it'll let you, probably. You absolutely can. It's a mammal. So you're saying that anything with nipples you can milk? As long as it's female don't you I know what's going on it's a good movie

can you milk me I have nipples Greg could you milk me I mean I'm trying to think I mean goat milk is reasonably prevalent certainly made in yeah of course so but reasonably prevalent. I like goat cheese. Yeah, of course.

But you never have... Goat cheese is blue cheese. Goat cheese is not well-kept cheese. It's growing stuff in it, which is a little bit alarming. I don't think goat cheese is that great. Cow cheese is better. It's got that sort of tart, sour-y taste. I had an appetizer once at a nice restaurant that was deep fried goat cheese balls with some sort of sauce you did them it fantastic oh you're fantastic

like deep fried cheese great track record like i mean it's hard to go wrong with that i suppose but but yeah like i don't want any other kind of milk like like i i think woody and i have transitioned away from mammal milks anyway i like i used to think of oat milk and cashew milk and all that shit is like frou-frou nonsense, but dude, it's like no calories and it tastes so good. Mine's vanilla flavored. I don't drink milk very often, but when I do have milk, like whole milk or whatever, I'm always like, damn, I forgot how this is like drinking a meal almost. You have a glass of this and it's 230 calories and it's protein and fat and

i don't like during a cut like instead of a meal i'll have like a half a glass of milk and it's more filling like i don't know watermelon jello those things don't cure hunger yet somehow milk does yeah well because milk gets in your stomach and then congeals into a solid so it's filling you up a little bit what i actually drink is i think it's cashew milk if not it's almond but it's one of those yeah a cashew milk is my favorite uh it is the lowest in calories as well it's a wealthy man's beverage cashew milk that's the rich it's uh three dollars and fifty cents for half a gallon as i said so seven dollars a gallon uh and uh i use it a lot because like i it a lot because it replaces all the milk and everything. I eat a lot of cereal too.

I love cereal. Cereal is surprisingly low in calories. Did your mom get you cereal as a kid? And is that why you kind of like it? My mom, we would eat cereal for breakfast a lot. But it was never the really tasty cereals that i wanted so now as an adult i'll often get like the date almond like pecan nut cherry nut like cereal that's like full of grains and stuff and then it looks more like granola than anything

else because that's what i always wanted i like banana nut uh bread cereal you had that and then it's like banana nut bread but it's cereal with like those freeze-dried banana slices in it yeah and it's got like little bits of nougat or not nougat but uh granola or some shit in there i do like that freeze-dried banana it's like uh it's like remember when in class when you had uh space food space ice cream yeah it was like freeze-dried yeah that was like the coolest day of fourth grade you guys you didn't have that last year i had some every time i go to somewhere where they sell it i get some it's actually fucking tasty that what are we talking about i'm lost freeze-dried astronaut food yeah the the neapolitan blocks of freeze-dried ice cream that you get at like i always give it

the aquarium or at like uh the science museum if i go to one of those places they in the gift shop they sell them there for kids and i'm like i'll take three i'll take three for my kids in the parking lot it's nice to have an adult budget for stupid things that's it so that shit rocks where like i'll be like i want to buy something beyond retarded, like a $100 Lord of the Rings board game. And I'm like, I'm doing it. That's so stupid. I can do that. I'm a grown up and I can make bad decisions all goddamn day.

Like with stupid nut. Kyle, please put that out, man. I'm telling you, when you shined it on the wall behind you earlier, a small blue dot, you can see in the replay of this show. You can see it. It was here on your face. That means it's bouncing off of paint, then off of my monitor,

and then onto me. Yeah, it's wildly powerful. It also means that's going to fry your monitor. I know this. It gives me headaches when I look at it. I sent these guys a video the other day there was a wasp that flew into my room and i just went fuck you and he just drops after a second and a half two seconds of like holding it on him from distance and he dropped out of

the fucking off the wall if you told me as a child that when i turned 50 i'd get a lifesaver i would really look forward to that moment. Now I have one. I wish that we were getting paid for them. I feel like whenever we go on about our lasers, it feels a little bit like one of those product integrations where they're trying not to add, like they're paid for. We're not. We really need an Amazon link, like a referral link. You do need a referral link.

Lasers. I want to step up to a better laser. This thing is the coolest laser you can get for $60. That's we sell $75 pills and dangerous lasers i'm getting goggles before i go any more powerful i really feel like i need eyewear i have a little bit of a like a contact headache like just from what i did for sure by the time i've killed a few anemones i'm like what i know if i you know how everyone has a blind spot, right? And your doctor always finds it. And they're like, oh, here's your blind spot.

It's like, well, I existed through life not knowing I had a blind spot. Yet there it is. I can't see. Do I have two or three more and just haven't noticed? Is that a thing? Everyone has one? I'm right, right? Bring your hand laterally back behind your face facing forward.

And before your periphery gives out, there will be a place where you can't see your hand anymore and that's your blind spot on both sides on on both sides you should they tested i'm an eye doctor expert i get made fun of when i go in there they say wow get a load of this they trip me they they trip me and they bully me Taylor goes in there's immediately a receptionist on all fours and they push him over right this way Taylor they like stick their foot out and hit me on the back of the head as soon as he walks in

watch your step there dumbass what we need you to do now is sit very still and we're going to blow a bunch of air in your eye randomly. Thanks for that. Yeah, I did a thing where they blow the air in your eye. What does that do again? Well, this tests how easily you're agitated.

Nothing. I just like doing it. I want to get revenge on my hot dog fuck you dude we haven't found a use for it yet but somebody bet me a hundred dollars then we just kept it as part of the routine because it seemed so serious i think i did that a test like that whenever they um that one of the one of the fun times is when they want to take the stitches out of my eyelid and uh she's like fishing around in there trying to get them all out. She's got my head locked in that goddamn vice. And I'm being very polite about the whole thing. Oh, man.

Every step of that was just like something out of fucking Hellraiser. I hope my eyelid cancer doesn't come back. Eyelid cancer? Yeah. You know what they say about cancer? One and done i had um i had like this this tiny little growth like on the tip of my eyelid where the eyelashes are and like it looked like a tiny mole and it kept getting bigger and bigger and i and uh they i had to go get it cut

off and they're like don't worry this is not cancer and it was very painful to get cut off um was because because what they um it hurt a lot and uh it they have to they have to anesthetize your eyelid so they just stab you in the eyelid with a the syringe and it it hurts so much anyway it turned out it was cancer so they're like oh so now we've got to go in and take like a pizza pie slice out of your eyelid and then sew that back together once all the cancer's gone but to do that we've got to like cut you here to get the slack so they made like they remade the corner of my eye um so they like cut me from here all the way back to over here and like pulled everything together and i'm conscious for all of this watching them do it with my good eye while my eyelid is either is in various states of being

rolled up inside out or or like pincered or just being cut in half it's uh it was a real goddamn ordeal with a local anesthetic and a couple valium i'd hope goodness one valium and i don't even dude i i smoke a lot like i don't valium is like did i did i take it or didn't i it's like an antihistamine does valium not not affect you if you smoke weed dude i didn't i didn't even notice that that i was like this this little time it's also a small pill oh okay there's no way to kill that small can i've never had that. Mine wasn't volume. They called it something else. It was a very small pill and form factor.

And they told me that it was, that it would work. And, uh, it did like, I, I do this thing with every anesthesiologist. I try to convince them that it's not doing anything so I can get more.

This is my drug. Yeah. Yeah. Like, are you feeling it no i are you sure you wasn't it like a motrin or something that seems to be doing nothing i could not fake it or convince anybody like is it working oh that's what i was gonna say earlier yeah pretty much like driving with one eye because i had an eye patch for a little while a few days

but it's on the left eye so when you're driving i walked out of that place and they're like you're not driving home are you i'm like nope got i'm meeting the uber out there i want to go smoke by the car though and they're like okay well we need to wheel you out. I'm like, you do you. So they wheel me to the door and I get up. Yeah, yeah. I was just like anesthetized. And oh, they did give me something. I remember being loopy. What do they give you?

Hopefully a red. I don't know. A tiny pill that really works. No, they give me something. All right. Now I remember being loopy now and coming out of it. Anyway, I walked out of there and they like watch me walk to my car. And I'm like kind of waving at them. And as soon as they turn around, I get in the car and I'm fucking gone. Anyway, I walked out of there and they watched me walk to my car and I'm kind of waving at them and as soon as they turn around

I get in the car and I'm fucking gone. My fucking eye patch. Oh no. Dude, that was cool looking. I wish you would have kept that look. The eye patch? Yeah. There's something about it that says respect. At least on Tuesdays, man.

It says mistakes have consequences. Actions have consequences. That's what eye patches say except in your in your stance it actually doesn't you just randomly got an eye thing yeah and it you know i wore sunglasses like my whole life so it wasn't from sun exposure i wore sunscreen my whole life so it's not that it's just randomly got fucking cancer sometimes genetics just fucks you over I want to tell you about the police activity video I saw. Cause yes, it's like, it's a little confusing about,

about exactly what's happening, but there's a cop in a field and they've got a woman on the ground. She's in trouble. She's under arrest kind of. And there's two EMS guys, EMTs or whatever you call them. They're there as well. And they've got hands on the woman kind of helping the cop because he's losing control of the situation. He's got his gun out.

And there's a trailer, like a house trailer, Wings of Redemption style domicile right back behind them. And out of nowhere while the cop is talking to the lady who's on the ground, he starts shooting. Bang, bang, bang, bang at the trailer. Show me your hands! me your hands come out come out he's screaming orders and the emts are trying to get low because he's shooting right over them the lady is freaked out and he's crazed he's shooting at people we can't see what happened was someone back at the trailer moved or something he lost his shit and starts unloading back there

so a few seconds go by of him like being crazy in the fucking field and like wildly pointing the gun everywhere one-handed and he starts going and he has a full-on meltdown he has a he starts crying and wailing he starts and he still got the gun he's like and the emt is like terrified he's like the emt is give me your gun give me the gun and he's like pulling the gun out of the cop's hand and the cop won't let it go give me the gun give me the gun and he takes the cop's gun away and the cop continues to wail and he sounds like the fucking principal that was nailing forrest gump's mom what a fantastic reference like that but distressed like having a full-on weird weird panic attack and uh and finally he's

like i'm good now can i give me my god give me my god because he's embarrassed because they've taken his gun and like new cops show up Because he's embarrassed because they've taken his gun. And new cops show up, and everybody's so confused about this guy having a goddamn meltdown. And the empty's like, it's okay, man. It's a real stressful situation out here. Don't even worry about it. Chris, no one else reacted like that. Don't even worry about it.

I'm going to hold on to this, though. When they gave him the gun back, first of all, I'd never seen a cop give up his gun that's gotta be like day one training did he look like a noob cop it's from his point of view he's got the body cam on but he had a full on goddamn meltdown over nothing he started shooting at like mystery people

who were just watching an arrest happen you know what I mean it's like somebody's getting arrested and people are like oh what's going on over there he's blasted them and then had a panic attack where they had to disarm him and there's no i bet he's still a cop we should probably have higher standards for these people well then that's juxtaposed with that that hero cop in tennessee that looks like fucking schwarzenegger that square-headed white dude who like stormed through the elementary school and killed that uh that shooter with an ar everyone's talking about that guy and and he deserves the praise that he he got there right he was fearless

but i can't get over the fact that he passed like five or six other cops on the way to the active shooter the other cops were like he's down there he's down there what's slowing you down how long have you been here what are you you valde cops like i didn't understand like were there like regular cops who were going in and like holding positions and then like the was he like an elite cop or was that just a regular cop who had a better gun than everybody else and better gun he had a better attitude like well but he had the better gun well yeah but he found the guy looking out the window and shot him in the back. I could have used a fucking knife in that situation. You don't want to miss?

I'm exaggerating. But yeah, like shotgun would have been fine. AR-15 would have been fine. A pistol would have been fine. It just took a guy with a sack. I prefer a long gun for my school shooting defense. Me too. Me too.

But really what distinguished him from the other police. would distinguish this one out of style and would distinguish him from the other policemen was that he approached the shooter everyone else was waiting around the corner i'll tell you he was pushing it i did a lot of uh charity work with a charity called the cannonball memorial run and it's uh put together by some cops out of san bernardino county in california And we would do a road trip across the country and we'd stop at precincts that had lost officers in the line of duty in the last year, take the patches from their uniforms to DC. And it was an amazing trip because you hear these crazy stories. But the craziest part is when you'd stop at some of these very

small towns, they might only have four or five cops that work there. And they don't have ammunition to practice. And so there are a lot of parts of our country that are not remotely adequately protected by police. And particularly when you consider the nature of Americans that live in these areas, the civilians are considerably better armed than the officers are, and in many cases, far better trained and experienced. And so, you know, I can imagine it might have taken somebody that came from a little further away that had that wasn't wildly overwhelmed by a circumstance like that. Yeah, yeah. We'll see. But that's like a nice measured, nuanced point, which is not what I'm looking for. Right, right. That makes a ton of sense.

And now we need to put a hundred people in a room. Only one of them is going to be a cop. The rest have to be dealt with. I want Judge Dredd, like police officers, to just dispense justice on the streets. Although that is kind of what they did. They just walked in there and executed

that person. And cop number two shows up and is like, stop! He goes, bang, bang, bang, with the pistol. Shoots the person three more times, and then he goes, stop moving. Dude, I believe that the body was moving as a result of being shot,

and so, in the moment, he was probably like, stop moving exactly where I fucking just shot you. Stop bouncing up and down all dead life. Right by that bullet hole. Taylor and I were talking about it. It was like the scene in RoboCop where the fucking giant mech

suit guns the guy down with double cannons in the boardroom. The guy's just fucking trembling with fucking bullet shots. Yeah, that was terrible. That guy's a hero cop. He should get a raise. And a newer, nicer gun. That's the way we should reward cops. The ones who use their guns the best, they get better guns. It's just like Call of Duty. He's going guy's a hero cop. He should get a raise and a newer, nicer gun. That's the way we should reward cops. The ones who use their guns the best, they get better guns.

It's just like Call of Duty. He's going to earn a kill stream. If he kills three more school shooters, he'll get a fucking predator missile. Well, let's not set it ridiculous. You kill one school shooter, you get a crazy big raise. Boom. Now this problem of cops not running in, not an issue. When they see officer fucking Hero driving around in his new

Lambo, because now he's making 300 grand a year because he killed a school shooter. That would be fun. If you kill a school shooter, you get like 150,000 bonus. They'll all be rushing to the shooter. Or at least like a supermarket sweep. That one was a teacher, but what's he worth? I'd be having my kids fully

people all day, every day. Like, no, you gotta push him, son. You gotta push him. He's just trying to create lunatics out there. You let him know. There's no other way, son. You let him know. If you put that on any local ballot, you said half a percent of sales tax and it's

the bounty for school shooters, nobody votes that down. That passes. It's a good idea. They would do that in Texas because that's their answer for so many things. No, Texas is an embarrassing state. They're not even up with Missouri. Now, when they kill a high-value target in the military,

isn't it like a thing that everybody in the unit shoots them afterward? When they got Bin Laden, didn't everybody put a bullet in him that was there? I don't think so. I choose to believe it's true. I don't know. I i mean as we all know bin laden is living happily in argentina but i heard that i heard the guy that shot bin laden on a podcast and he and he he did he must if they did that he skipped over that but he told like the story like beat for beat about how he killed osama bin laden so that was pretty neat um i would be i wouldn't want to be publicly that guy. That seems like a dangerous thing.

But they scooped him up and buried him at sea. Right, right. But I didn't know if that was a school shooter thing, too. If I was second or third into the room, I'd probably make sure. I think it's a school shooting thing. It seems like sometimes everybody will just light the guy up. And so it's almost like you have to charge. You have to charge like 13 officers if this was a bad shoot.

And it's like, are you going to fire two whole police departments and four sheriff's deputies? And you're going to go after that federal guy who was here and the state guy who just happened. There's so much law enforcement at like anything if there's a call and there's a thing to do they all just show up it's like that that meme about them eating donuts is kind of bullshit but if there's a call it just seems like they just keep coming it's like flies to shit and there'll be eight cops for nothing hey what's going on like y'all couldn't y'all have radios y'all couldn't have squared this out like over the over the wire you can't beat the cops infinite respawns like vanguard deploy yeah vanguard deploy nothing you can nothing you can do they just keep showing up i saw that thing the other day where the the kids were trying to run into their own house and

the atf officer uh like like saw him going in or whatever and was like, have your children come back outside. I want a word with them. She's like, why? He's like, it's a traffic violation. A traffic violation? Yes, jaywalking in this neighborhood. They look like they might have weapons. I need to talk to your children. I'm ATF. ATF? He should be murdering

innocent people at a compound. Shouldn't he be shooting a dog somewhere? And so, he should be manufacturing claims of child abuse to firebomb a innocent people at a compound. Shouldn't you be shooting a dog somewhere? And so... He should be manufacturing claims of child abuse to firebomb a compound. That's what he should be doing. Has the ATF ever done something nice?

Like good? I have nothing bad to say about them. I take it you just watched the annual Waco documentary series, Taylor? No, I haven't seen it yet. But is it good? It's the same as all of them. Do you think Waco documentary series, Taylor? No, no, I haven't seen it yet. But is it good? It's the same as all of them. Do you think Waco was actually,

like, those people were doing nothing wrong? They were cool? I think that, like, they were weirdos, but there was no excuse to, like, murder all of them. Wendigoon said he looked into the conspiracy about there being child molestation and found no evidence of that,

no real evidence of it. And that's a common critique of it is that it was manufactured to back... Our friend Wendigoon does conspiracy theories and deep dives on things. And he researched it pretty thoroughly. I trust him entirely. I do. I remember

as a kid, with my life, I remember as a kid I saw this little pamphlet that they said was supposedly in the compound and it sort of like normalized adult and child sexual relationships but apparently that's been debunked since I think that was just some government shit that they printed out to excuse themselves for burning all those children alive

yeah I think there were some people that survived it that were you know married to him underage I believe well and they had and they definitely had some underage. That's still legal. Well, and they had some illegal firearms.

Oh, well. I'm glad we killed them all then. They needed them! They were just kind of being weird doing their own... They were just praying to Zulu or whatever the fuck. Oh, he was just claiming to be jesus just claiming to be jesus who has who among us has stolen valor from christ himself

prove he wasn't guilty as charged yeah prove he wasn't jesus one of the wildest things that i've seen that it looks like something out of a movie is when that fbi agent is up on like the roof of the house and then bullets start machine gun fire starts coming through the wall um of the second floor room and it's top top top top top top you see the bullet holes coming through the house and then bullets start machine gun fire starts coming through the wall of the second floor room and it's top top top top top top. You see the bullet holes coming through the wall and he rolls off the whole fucking roof falls a floor to the ground. I think he had an mp5

crazy crazy machine gun fight. But yeah, they needed some fucking illegal weapons because when the ATF showed up they had a tank and they wrecked them they killed them and they burned them to death and then you can see the photos still of the ATF agents like standing there like

proudly with their guns with like the burn to death remains of like a 14 year old behind them like despicable a win's a win the ATF what have they done what are the nice things they do have they saved us from from danger i think they were keeping they nearly caught that jaywalker and you look at appreciative

i think the atf was pretty key in like like fixing that boston bombing thing them and reddit they they coupled together and they found the boston bombers and they dispensed justice on the streets that was one of the wildest things um ever like they just locked that city down martial law in boston get the fuck back in your house where i are doing shit it was okay yes sir mr mr felice man officer army are you army shit that was crazy they hunted that czar night czar naiv guy yeah didn't they is he the guy that was hiding in the boat that they saw with infrared? Yeah. They fucked him up.

No, no, they caught him. They wounded him, caught him. He actually killed his own brother. Yeah, his brother died. He ran him over after the brother was wounded in the street in an SUV. That was the killing blow to his brother. He was the one that they were like,

he's too cute to kill. He had this huge following of girls. I remember that. I thought he was dreamy. The guy who made pressure cooker bombs and crippled all those people. This guy is cute. The guy who blew off innocent people's legs who were

trying to run for charity or some shit. I need to see this guy. The Boston Marathon is the real one, right? Where it matters. What, pardon? No, no, no. I'm pretty sure the Boston Marathon is like the... It's longer?

No, no, no. I mean like... A big one? Maybe. It's a well-attended one. This guy is undeniably cute and you're really yeah yeah dreamboat is he dead did we did was he killed yet oh it happened in uh boston so massachusetts probably not he's probably in jail i don't remember i i thought they uh playing xbox

uh i don't remember i remember that that that time though how crazy that was because like I was super obsessed with it me and Chiz I think were because we were listening to the police scanners like online you could tune into them and like listening to the cops coordinate and like fence them in it was crazy

you didn't know what they were up to like you couldn't tell it turned out it was just knuckleheads being pieces of shit but it wasn't that long after 9-11. 9-11's still kind of fresh in our memory a decade later. That's not him.

That's not him. Get out of here. I mean, this is obviously a Photoshop. He didn't make the cover. No, Taylor. That's his prison body. He's looking good. His head's not quite proportional, but looking good. Oh, you're going to throw stones there, Taylor, that's his prison body. He's looking good. His head's not quite proportional, but looking good.

Oh, you're going to throw stones there, Taylor? Yeah, he's got one of those what we call a Photoshop head where it just kind of looks disjointed from the neck. It gets a little fluffy around here. Chicks dig it, though. They love it. They said he was cute. I just want to say I still don't think the wings fight is going to happen

I don't want to dwell on that whole thing and do it as a topic but I don't think it's going to happen that's my current position is that it won't happen Woody and I were talking about it a little bit today and I was like wait a minute nah there's no way he's flying to fucking London

catch Ed wings fight my apologies there's an associate of ours named Wings of Redemption he's a big fat obese man he knows the wings fight yeah my my apologies there's there's an associate of ours named wings redemption he's a big fat obese man who's on the internet we've known him for a decade or so and uh you know how they do these youtube boxing promotions um well the idea was that he was going to fight another big old obese youtuber and around 400 yeah okay yeah okay and so you know he's and and so a lot of us are kind of fired up about it because it's two guys

we know who would be fighting in a pay-per-view. That'd be neat. They're obese, so it's a freak fight. It's silly. I just don't think it's ever going to happen. I can't see it actually happening. Them flying to London, them getting in the ring shirtless. There's no way that we're this lucky.

We don't live in a reality that's that cool. Wings, the guy on the left, he's a bit of a recluse. He doesn't go outside very much. He doesn't... He feels uncomfortable when he leaves his hometown. But he's always around. What the fuck is this photo, dude?

What is this? It's so bad. Gets into a plane, flies to Europe, takes his shirt off, and engages in a fist fight. It's pretty outside his comfort zone. So we'll see. What type of content does he make on YouTube? He plays video games on YouTube, I guess.

Well, he was bullied off of YouTube. It's kind of like anger content. He bullied off of Twitch. Am I wrong? I haven't seen him make a YouTube video in like years. Where does he stream? No, no, he streams on YouTube. He doesn't make videos, right? Yeah, he streams over there because he got bullied off of Twitch.

I thought he got banned off of Twitch. Well, what's the difference? Well, no, because when he got banned that first time, it was because a bunch of people made shit up about him, right, and then lied about the report button. If I recall, he shouldn't have gotten banned from Twitch. It was people false flagging him right that's how I remember it too

and I'm not sure I might be wrong maybe I'm giving him more credit he's also just said so many tremendously silly things it's funny like every time he comes up my instinct because I feel so bad for him and his life is to be like it's okay like maybe this happened and then

like a clip will come up of him talking about me, and I'll be like, fuck Mirka! Fuck that dumbass douchebag! Same, same, bro! Every time I hear Wings, I want to defend him, I want to help him, I want to whatever. He said shit to me.

Then he has a soundboard of him saying mean things about me that he plays whenever I say it. He'll be like, I don't give a fuck if kyle's got cancer he'll be like kyle's a fucking felon don't believe him that's a good soundboard i had someone i had someone send me a a link to a a clip i guess from maybe a month or so i don't know but it was a blade and someone only used me blade a profoundly alcoholic man who drinks more than most people a lot and i got linked to a clip and like i have nothing i have no relationship with him at all, at all. And like,

there was a clip about like, yeah, met him and said, hello. Like that was, we, we really didn't chat that much. It was most,

I was, I was a, I was a nothing in 2011 in Boston. When we showed up, I was this fucking, you know, young kid. And like,

you guys were the real ones, like chatting and all that kind of stuff. But like they said, someone sent me a link and they were like, Hey, someone asked about PKA talking about wing or uh blade and he responded to it and of course he's fucking wasted his shit and he's like vka yeah woody and kyle they're always saying nice things about me but taylor that guy's a weirdo. And I was like, we don't even know each other. I'm a weirdo.

I don't think that's fair, friend. He's like, he smoked weed in 2011 and walked into a closet. And it's like, yeah, I was fucked up. And I walked into a room thinking I thought it was the bathroom, and it wasn't. And then I went, oh, man, I'm fucked up. And I left and then found the bathroom. It's like, I don't think that makes me a

strange weirdo. No, no. There are other things that make you a strange weirdo. There's a lot of things that make me a strange weirdo. I was hoping you wouldn't... But no, I'm so hurt by that. I'm unbelievably hurt. I'm just really pleased he's never heard any of the bad things we've said about him.

Because I always preface when I talk about him. He has. He doesn't remember. It's true. It's true. I always, I start by saying I like the guy that the only use me blade used to be. And then I finished by saying the guy he is now is a real wreck. Yeah.

Because that's kind of the deal. He's real in real rough shape medically. He looks like he's going to die soon. Not to mention ethically. You remember that time that he molested that girl, Borderline, in the back of that RV van when he went back there and grabbed her all up? In Furnished, she barely remembers that. Remember that?

No, she claimed it, and we all saw it on video. Remember that? Do you all remember that? Do you remember when he broke that girl laying in the bed? Man, I think that's kind of weird behavior, don't you? I think that's a little weird. I would say it's almost legally troubling. I don't think we need to be like,

This is why he doesn't like you. Get fucked. All the ATF on him. Thank God those guys don't have weapons on that fucking RV that they all seem to live on um no i i still like some of the content it's a little sad but you'll see dude they spray painted his face to look like that that pepe the frog and he and he thought it was like i don't know art paint but it was like just fucking crylon but they paint bombed him one time they like took

a paint can and you know how you pop a beer and shock on it? They did that to a can of spray paint and stuck it in his face and just instantly painted it because he's passed out drunk. So he's easy to do that sort of thing too.

Yeah, it's a pretty depressing life. So you know, that's a pretty depressing life. See, now that's a good picture, is that? I didn't know that they were doing that to him. You know what's funny? That's the best picture of him in the past 12 years. That's the most flattering photo. He should be the stand-in.

If Wings or Boogie don't show up for the fight, put some gloves on that man. Yeah, he should be the stand-in if Wings or Boogie don't show up for the fight put some gloves on that man yeah he should be he'd die on the way he's too sick what would it take for us to legally put on a boxing match a little gumption, a little stick-to-itiveness I don't make character traits

you cunt I gotta pull myself up my own bushcraft. Who's the crap guy? It sounds like something you can do on a quiet afternoon. We'll get Ed involved. He'll give us credibility. We'll let Ed talk to the audience. Ladies and gentlemen.

Accountability and the liability. It's time! Yeah. And Kyle, you can be that guy. can be the the announcer guy yeah i think you do a good job don't you oh i would oh i would absolutely do a good job ed would be you know we need some more legitimate sponsors than your uh normal crop more than cum pills wow wow drugs you order online wow that's not up to snuff for old ed More than gum pills? Wow. Wow. Drugs you order online. Wow.

That's not up to snuff for old Ed. My man is sponsored by fucking Toyota and shit. Yeah. Do you guys not? Do you guys wear bong makers? Yeah, but you're not sponsored by the bong that you put in the fucking freezer. And it doesn't work. I love freezer bong. It's great. It's a good bong.

I've got it right here. It's a freeze pipe. Here's the little one. By the way, not a sex toy. No free promotion. Also, don't buy this until they sponsor us again. I want to see your deck. I want to see how this happens.

What solicitation results in the tiled images on the top of this screen? Do you know how the death by the death by gummy ones worked is they reached out to me and we're like, we're getting a lot of success with this product and your guy's market is exactly our market. And I was like, okay, I'm not saying shit about yes or no until you send me Kyle and Woody samples so we make sure we're not promoting weak lies about... Because if they claim 100 milligrams and it was actually a 10 milligram hit,

we don't want to promote that, obviously, because that's a fucking lie. And so then we got it shipped to us and we all took it and we all got blasts out of our minds. And then the next day I was like, all right, let's do it, bro. Let's do it. Oh, this is sad. He looks great. great what do you know look how happy he is no i'm saying he looks good there like it's sad seeing where he's gone from a healthy well not a fat normal a normal fat to to where he is based on the previous conversation my first instinct when seeing him was like, does only use me blade feel pain?

I don't know. Is he like a fish or a reptile? Does he have happiness? I mean, it's sad to say, but he definitely doesn't have happiness the way he's living right now. No one who dreams like that is happy. Taylor, you're a guy with two jobs. You don't have happiness. You wake up and there's something you have to guy with two jobs. You don't have happiness. You wake up and there's something you have to do all the time.

Only as Blade wakes up, there's something he chooses to do. And that is Jaeger. Yeah, but it's like so sad. Now you're just being judgmental. If I woke up every day and got blasted every day, would you treat me like this? I hope not. Yes, I'd be so worried about my friend. I'd be like, Woody, why are you drunk all the time?

Tell us. This is my new list. I like to wake up and get drunk and play with lasers. Yeah. You know, Woody, I've noticed your 9 a.m. Jaeger shots have gotten out of control. And we need to get this. Yeah, fine.

Fine. I'll sleep in i mean he has a hundred percent undoubtedly become a total degenerate piece of shit of a person a hundred percent what else did he say about you but you sound like the type of person no no i'm saying he's a degenerate loser piece of shit but it's still sad like watching his life collapse. He's called up to be a presidential child. I'm liking how Kyle's responding. I feel bad. Why?

You don't feel bad for Wings? No. You don't feel bad for Boogie? No. No? What's the difference? I don't know of anything. Well, I don't know.

Blade, you know. Blade's more charming i enjoyed his content that he used to make when he made call of duty content back and it was very chill um um you know and and when we when i met him those those two or three times i was at a good time with him i enjoyed drinking with him i enjoyed partying with him he like smoked me out a couple times. I just had good experiences with Blade. He never raped me in the back of an RV. He didn't do that to me, Taylor. I can tell the pal forgives you for that.

Look, if I couldn't be friends with every Tom, Dick, and Harry who got a little handsy in the back of an RV, none of you would be allowed here tonight. Especially Ed. I'm not accusing Ed of getting handsy in an RV. None of us, none of you would be allowed here tonight. All right. Yeah. Well, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not accusing Ed of getting handsy in an RV. I'm just saying that we allowed guests that get handsy in RVs.

I'm glad you're in such a gust company. Well, but you know, look, we're all, you know, Bam Margera got arrested for yelling in a restaurant yesterday. I mean, is there an eventuality of notoriety based on goofiness that, you know, it just gets there? Yeah, they could. I mean, Bam Margera is another interesting one because that guy, if you recall leading up to Jackass 4, whatever the newest Jackass was, he was losing his fucking mind on social media. Basically, spouting theories about Johnny Knoxville is out to get me.

He's making sure I can't work on this film. Johnny Knoxville is not who he seems. And it's like, okay, I don't know Johnny, but I know this isn't the case. Like, like you're clearly sorry for Bam, but not for blade.

No, no, I'm not saying I feel, I, I feel bad that similar to blade Bam is in a horrible place. Like I feel bad that blades, but with Bam, like he wasn't looking at it accurately.

It was not Johnny Knoxville. Wasn't trying to keep him out of a project. Johnny Knoxville was saying, unless you can be anything but an active detriment to this project, you're not going to be involved. Let me ask you this, Taylor. What are you going to do when Only Use Me Blake comes to call and he wants to do battle in the ring?

He wants to do three rounds, three minutes each for your seat on the show. That would be so funny. That would be hilarious. Because I'm not a fighter fighter i'm not a brawler or anything but but i would i would handily win that you know because i'm not actively dying he's a bigger man i'll tell you this he's taller than you he's heavier than you i'm next to him yeah heavy i'm in his arms dude, you call that standing? You cowered next to that man. He's a titan on the internet and he looked like a titan standing next to your frail, boyish figure

back in those days. Your smooth boyish face. My smooth boyish face. Yeah, you've never seen as much man as I do. I'm live. I'm fuckable. Only use me blade has the muscle definition and density of a man twice his age. He said that. Only use me blade is like, yeah, I know that twink, Taylor.

He's like 38. Dude, if he beats me, he can fuck me. Well, you heard it here, OnlyUseMeBlade. You're being called out. Three rounds, three minutes per round for Taylor's seat on the show. A hefty sum of money and a lifetime position.

Dude, I'm not fighting that, dude. I'm going to get fucking hepatitis. That's right. You heard it here, folks. He's disgusting. I'm not touching him. They called him Runaway Taylor. Coward of the county. Runaway Tay. I antagonize and then I flee

like a no honor bitch snipe and then run away Taylor you could have made $875 and had a free ticket to Milwaukee you just ruined it free antibiotic booster.

That was going to be your cut of the pay-per-view. Yeah. French, did Taylor do that? No, what he did was, I'll take him on. I'll rent my own RV and I'll take him on Mad Max style on the highway in his RV. I'll have my own people driving next to him. That we can set up.

That we can set up. We'll get Ed on the line. I'll learn how to people driving next to him. That we can set up. That we can set up. We'll get Ed on the line. I'll learn how to drive a stick first. We'll get it going. Don't you find a stick RV these days? I'm fascinated with the idea of, like, people who, I don't know, this online boxing thing, that people like it or that it somehow makes money. I'm always hesitant to believe things when people tell me this makes that much

money or whatever because i think it's like one of those rich people art scams or it's like a mattress store it's like a laundering thing it's like oh you did how many pay-per-views really okay okay i don't i don't know i'm always hesitant to believe that you can make any amount of money pay selling pay-per-views to a fight because I just know that I buy UFCs occasionally. I've bought a bunch of them. I've probably spent $1,000 buying UFCs events. But I usually just

stream them now. And everyone I know streams them, steals them, you could say. I saw Khabib Nurmagomedov, former lightweight champion, maybe the top three or four biggest name ever in the UFC.c and he's like i have link for you i have stream never buy never buy like like you kind of feel like a dummy buying and that's as big as it gets in combat sports for me like like maybe for other people like canelo

versus so and so or or some big heavyweight contest is the biggest thing combat sports pay-per-view to them but for me i don't know, a Conor McGregor fight is as big as it gets. And most people won't give you money for that. So the idea that you're going to give your money to watch Wings of Redemption fight Boogie and that there's going to be enough people to put that money in, that even when we split it like three or four ways, each of us has been paid so well that it was worth traveling to another continent and doing combat. That's just a make-believe type scenario to me. You would need the audience to be 10 times bigger than it is.

Well, no, the point of it is that if they're paying, it can be a hundred times smaller. So we're in the eyeball selling business, right? So the more people that we can get to watch something, the more that we can command from your entirely legitimate realm of sponsors. They're real people.

They're products. If you buy it, they'll ship it to you. It really shows up at your door. I trust that. Not enough to test it, they'll ship it to you. It really shows up at your door. I trust that. Not enough to test it, I'll be honest, but I'm sure... The comp pills work. I have video evidence. All these things work. The comp pills work

and the Vagelucha will get your dick so hard it'll be like your best day. I'm smoking the drugs now. So, I mean, I like... I've never done a pay-per-view thing the only real example of that in the automotive world is uh Cletus McFarlane does a thing called the Freedom 500 which they uh you know it's a Crown Vic race at a racetrack that he's bought but I think that there's a there's a wonderful attitude in it of you know as you get audience, you try to step up the game somehow, right? Like what

is the next craziest thing that we could do? And if it's boxing, a real boxer, when you're Logan or Jake Paul or whatever, maybe, maybe it is a path to making a $5 million or $10 million. I think when you're that big, it absolutely is kyle always reminds me and he's right when it's boxing not not mma but boxing nine times out of ten maybe more it's boring it doesn't live up to the hype and somehow by the time the next hype train rolls around i forget that wings versus boogie is going to like these men aren't built to inflict damage so if you're going there hoping for a knockout yeah that's not what it's gonna be unless they're fighting their own arteries it's gonna be a fall down one guy's gonna i i know if it happens boogie will fall and get hurt and it will be over

within the first three minutes that's what will happen what might happen then they will evacuate we're talking about our biggest fears i think it might have been in the in the 50 hangout but my big thing was i don't want to look cowardly on camera like i can lose i don't care if i lose i think i can i can i'm close enough to looking good with my shirt off that i'll accomplish that on game day for sure so i'll look good for my age and i'll go in there and I'll fight. But God, my biggest fear is that they walk away being like, what are you scared? Or like, what do you quit?

Right now? Oh my God. I don't want to quit. I wouldn't, it wouldn't, I find myself like, it's not my day. This guy's just getting the best of me.

This isn't going to get better. Right. This is only going to go worse for me. What's my decision? Cause it better fucking be, but I'm going to give it my all if it's not then i'm embarrassed for the rest of my life that's my fear that would be mine too i don't like i don't want to fight someone like that sounds shitty that sounds all like i don't want to be hurt and i also don't want to hurt someone else i told you i had a reoccurring nightmare I had a reoccurring nightmare where Kitty had agreed to have me fight someone and signed

everything and and it was and and I was only being notified like as late it's like hey just so you know you've got like 32 days to prepare for to to battle a man in the ring you know and it's like oh there's so many things i need to do it was yeah it was a nightmare that i would have um i that and uh the most reoccurring nightmare i had though was when i was on probation or parole or whatever. Yeah, probation. Like dreaming that I would accidentally do drugs. I would have nightmares where I accidentally did drugs and I was like

oh no, I'm going to fail my drug test now. I'm going back to jail. And I would wake up and I'd be like you didn't do drugs in your dreams, right? Fuck, I don't know. Did I? I had a dream that a guy ran up to me and like smeared some like Vaseline like substance like on my neck right here, and I was like what the fuck what the fuck you just do

The fuck is this shit. He's like it's Twiddling his mustache and I'm like Like I don't know it's some sort of weird Vaseline acid you're gonna be fucked up and i'm like oh no no it was just all about not wanting to go back to fucking prison valid concern worth yeah worth making some what makes you test positive for drugs i know poppy seeds can do it that's right if you eat a lot of them that's uh yeah it's a lot it's an awkward amount. Two muffins a day every day and you're going to pop. I had that fear. I got tested for a job once.

Never had poppy seed muffins, nor do I know why that would be someone's go-to muffin. They can be on an everything bagel. God, you'd have to eat so many. Everything bagels are great. I don't think you could get it from an everything bagel because

it has everything. You'd have to be a real fan. It's diluted by all the other things. Yeah, all the other things. Well, it's not as much. It's being diluted by the garlic salt. It's not diluted. It's just replaced by it.

You just can't get enough toppings on there. It's not like they put the normal amount of poppy seeds on there and then the normal amount of everything else. That'd be like a big sandwich or something. You're talking crazy. No, it's not that measured. They're taking a big handful and everything. Everything in the mix.

I think they pushed it against it. I don't know how these things are made. I think they lick them and then they twist them down into a pile of each ingredient and then they repeat that process to each. That makes sense. I have a question for Ed. Ed, it seems like racetracks go out of business all the time. Yet these are cruddy things with decaying asphalt.

Why can't racetracks make money? They charge a lot of money for the people who use them. How do they lose money? They're not that expensive to rent. So even like, how much do you think it costs to rent a NASCAR track? Oh, shucks. A NASCAR track for how long? 12 hours.

Whoa. $16,000. $16,000. $16,000. Oh, that's closer. On an off-peak time or weekday, $10,000. And so when you think about racetracks were built in the middle of nowhere. And sometimes civilization came.

And when civilization knocks at your door, first of all, they hate the noise. Second of all, they offer you a tremendous amount of money to buy very flat property. And so a lot of times they go out of business because the opportunity cost of the land use case is radically different. They also do get a lot of sanctions. And so it doesn't take that many people to vote against a single property owner to shut them down on Sundays or to make sure they can't have their lights on at certain hours. They have to meet decibel limits and things like that. So there are some political issues that make it hard. But in reality, it's just not a great revenue per acre premise when you think about yeah the risk and everything involved i i haven't i don't live near there anymore but i used to live recently i lived near the uh the

racetrack here in atlanta and uh what are they building there was that a casino but they were building like a ton of shit around the uh the atlanta motor speedway out there that's an area that's like nothing is there except for the racetrack. Correct. Yeah. Well, Atlanta, nothing developed south of I-20. And so things are catching up to Atlanta Motorsports Park in Dawsonville and Road Atlanta in Brazelton, certainly. But those are established up at this point. The other problem is that the lifespan of roads is reasonably short. And so when they have a lot of times they can never generate enough revenue to rebuild it when it gets destroyed. So you have a lot of racetracks

that are in terrible disrepair and they need absolute millions in rehabilitation. And that's just a bridge too far. Uh, so, you know, there are, there's a lot of tracks where that happens. And then sometimes YouTubers will come in and buy them. I mean, that's happened many times, especially with drag strips and stuff like that, that they're not gigantic tracks of land. So it can come in and sort of be the saving grace, but you're right that when it's not

an international motorsport level track, I mean, nobody's going to go buy Paul Ricard, but it's certainly Atlanta Motor Speedway or Road Atlanta, a few bad years could go really, really badly. And they sell all the time. So Road Atlanta just sold to Michelin. Yeah, I don't know. That place, last time I drove past,

I don't know what they were building, but I thought it was a casino. I think someone told me that you could gamble there, which I'm always surprised when you tell me there's a place you can gamble that's just in a normal state, not Atlantic City or Vegas. There's so many excuses and reasons that we find to allow gambling. The riverboat

gambling thing is so absurd. Those boats don't float i think i don't know no they are they are totally attached in every way to are they touching the ground they don't float right they've got to put pilings under them i mean imagine the yeah i have no idea but i don't know what makes it legal i'm processing it now but the water level goes up and down. Right. So, well, we've seen the,

what's the rivers are not title, but rain would have a massive impact. And depending on, I was thinking of, uh, for example, the, the fuck is the giant river in the middle of the country?

The Taylor lives now. Thank you. Yeah. People don't know that one. Uh, the Mississippi just dropped by like 20 feet last year. It's probably higher now. Yeah.

It would be real suspicious if that happens and your boat's sticking out on its poles. Yeah. Taylor, is that fixed? The Mississippi River? Do we have water in it now? We had all that rain. Believe it or not, it's not one of my daily hangouts

you're like 15 miles from it's not too far but uh no we've got a shit ton of rain in the last month so i would imagine it's back to normal probably i'm so sick i did not hear about a casino next to the any of the i mean george has had some experimentation with different types of video poker and stuff like that, but nothing really stuck. Arcade things are popping up all over Florida now. Strip malls have a thing, arcade, and it's just old people in wheelchairs. They have to convert to points or something like that. Or video poker.

Yeah, exactly. It's all skee-ball. It's 100% on the Mississippi because of some law like there are like like gambling boats like casino boats that like have those big paddles on the back of them and they like

never leave from where they are they just like sit down there in the Mississippi and apparently being there allows them to do like additional gambling I don't know how that works but it is funny to see that there's no rules on the river all right you know all right we talked about this before it's like those people who came who claim to be like boat captains navigating the road of life or whatever yeah they're close enough to actually being a water vessel that they can make

that claim i think they're just they're just skirting the law there. It's got to get married on a river boat, sitting on pilings. Like what's, what's, what's the show we like with Marty? Actually, you see one in Ozark. Yeah.

You see the casino on the Mississippi in, that boat doesn't run. The boat got towed into its spot and became the casino there. Yeah. Yeah. So, but they let the last part, that big paddle, sometimes they

don't attach that up, so it slowly turns. Looks like a real boat. What are the drug laws like on Indian casinos? Can't they just go hog wild? Anything you want. That's pretty sweet.

Wait, in the casinos? You can do any drugs you want? No, no, no. Like on Indian reservations, I should say. But that's where they are. That's where the casinos are. Yes, it's the same. There's no difference in the laws, but I don't think federal drug laws are enforceable on Indian reservations.

Are those interesting? Was Boogie his medicine man? I don't know what you're supposed to call them now. On a reservation? Native lands. I didn't want to ask, but there are no... I don't... Look, I don't know of any reservations. I think he's in

Arkansas or some shit. Down there in that area of states that you forget about, at least one of them if you tried to name all four. He'd leave one out. Between me and Texas, there's a whole slew of worthless states. Those are the Mississippi and Alabama

same thing. Just states that occupy 40-something in education. They finish 45th, 47th, and 49th in education in America. Yeah, I've driven through there multiple times, and I still always forget about one of those worthless states. Taylor, what's up with your state? They just defunded all

the libraries? I don't fucking know, but we got all the guns and all the weed. And so Missouri rocks. Missouri rules, top tier state. We got all the freedom. Colorado's looking at us going, you have all the same weed as us, and you have all the guns. We don't have any guns.

And we're going, that sucks, Colorado losers. Don't move here. Don't move here. We're full. If anybody's out there looking, other than Kyle. Kyle's welcome because he's than kyle no one else there's no room at the end we don't want to become one of those states where a bunch of people move here taylor's an anchor baby for missourians yeah i'm legitimately considering missouri as a place to move uh because because it does have those awesome weed laws and uh and gun laws as well.

You like snow? I love snow. You gotta have a lot more snow than you get there. Growing up here in Georgia, snow is like you don't think of it as that inconvenience or that thing that ruins your morning or whatever. You don't think of dirty piss snow either. You don't think of that muddy snow

that's days after. You just picture that white fluffy shit that you never get to enjoy that's on all of the christmas movies and you're like you're like white christmas i mean it's cold in the morning sometimes it gets a little frosty out you know like like you're familiar with frost in the grass christmas yeah exactly that's how i like christmas morning you outside and it's just like a gray, nasty, red day. One which involves my fall coat. With a light sweater in the morning.

A Georgia Christmas is usually like an overcast chilly day and it's probably raining. It's not a good time. So the idea of living somewhere where you might get inches, not like two or three, but like eight or ten inches of fucking snow. We got a foot earlier this year. It's like you'll need a special shovel for it?

Oh, my God. I love that. The idea of making a snow fort was so cool to me. If you saw my snowmen growing up. Oh. Those poverty snowmen that would roll together. Snowballs stacked on poverty shovels. They would have that red Georgiaorgia clay would inevitably get like mixed in and he'd be

all like rusty brown some shitty ruddy looking twigs sticking out of everywhere yeah mud and twigs it's half pine straw two pieces of charcoal and an old carrot and there's kyle's snowman yeah that's like an aborted snow fetus i've never built a snowman large enough that one person couldn't relocate it oh yeah oh yeah oh absolutely i have done that i grew up in new jersey we would build human-sized snowmen yeah you'd build huge ones and then as time passes and all the other snow melts you have this reprehensible ugly looking used to be a snowman in your front yard that your dad gets mad at you for all memories if you roll a snowball along the ground it doesn't

really pack so you have to kind of like smush it into the ground to add some weight to it and then you reach a critical mass where the snowball itself has enough weight to gather more snow. It is easy to overdo it. You build a base that's ginormous. The second one needs to be slightly smaller, but also ginormous. And now you need like four

children to lift it onto the pedestal that is the first one. It's fun, though. Alright, guys, we're doing a two-orb snowman. We missed it. Yeah, no experience with that. My snowmen were lame. When we went to Killington,

I think that was the first time I'd seen real deal snow like that. Now, I had been to Colorado, and I'd been to Chicago, so I had seen some snow, but it was like nothing crazier than what I I had seen, I'd been to Colorado and I'd been to Chicago, so I had seen some snow, but it was like nothing crazier than what I'd already seen, like the craziest nights in Georgia. There's been like two times in my 35, 37 years or whatever where it snowed,

and it was like real. It was like, oh, look at that. That's like four inches. Wow. And the whole state shuts down. You can make a snowball. Oh, four all week. Yes, absolutely. When I first moved to North Carolina, this is like wow and the whole state shuts down you can make a snowball for a week yes absolutely when i first moved to north carolina this is like 24 years ago um we got this like once in a century snow it was 24 inches i had the only snow shovel on my block having just moved from new jersey everyone's using like gardening shovels with the pointed tips, not even square.

They all borrowed my shovel and stuff where you could... They're like, oh, look at this. A good snow shovel. You can plow with it and push. I had a proper snow shovel. That was fun. The snow removal around here, they were completely unprepared. I had

never seen incompetent snow removal before. In in new jersey they would have like three trucks driving side by side staggered so they just like one pushes the snow into the next and then the next and then it's off to the side of the road and they can just do this so it never really accumulates in north carolina they have like yellow caterpillar earth movers where they like pick up a thing of snow and then take it there and then they get the next two feet that's how they remove snow it takes months we had that icepocalypse which was barely two or three inches of snow yeah um that there was a legendary saturday night live sketch

about it with buford t calloway or whatever his name was talking about getting his white Escalade and going out and whatever. It was amazing. But it was exactly like that. It was one of the more shameful things that had happened to Atlanta since Sherman came. It was pretty rough. It snowed like an inch and a half, and they compared it to that photo from Walking Dead and it was like it was real close to like it was what happened guys

do people not know how to drive in the snow please show this this is like four miles from my house where I'm sitting right now this is a famous picture y'all have seen it before this is what happens when we get a dusting of snow in Raleigh is it that video where the car goes it's not a video this is what happens when we get a dusting of snow in raleigh yeah is it that video where the car goes

it's not a video this is how deep that snow is you can see the pavement there's grass grass near the 45 mile an hour look how wide they are honestly there's no excuse for this there are many four-wheel drive cars in this oh yeah for sure when when it happened in atlanta it was probably 2012 2013 we uh so the commute my commute from i was working at lamborghini atlanta probably took me 15 20 minutes to get home it took 12 hours because at every hill and every intersection there was a gigantic pileup of cars. And the traffic was so bad that everybody was running out of gas. The next day, there were so many crashed cars that you could not have parallel parked on the highway.

It was unbelievable. We had to go back. My wife was an elementary school teacher, and we had a Range Rover on summer tires. And we were taking the last kids home that had spent the night at the school it looked exactly like that everywhere the atat without the fire yes that is an atat or an atat oh i don't know there's there's differences opinion on that one, Woody. Kyle, you can say this because you're from Georgia. What is the instinct of someone who has never driven on snow when they do for the first time that causes this? Like, is it, I just need to hit the gas harder to go more?

First of all, I thought you were going to say the N word for some reason. Like, with that whole thing, I thought that's what that wind up was but no as someone from georgia my first instinct um i i think i'm a good snow driver i've had good um experiences i i drove through a fucking blizzard one time in colorado and uh but you're a good driver you've experienced driving with people i'm sure who have my experience like if you're asking like my instincts on how to handle it, it would be to go slow. What's going on down there? You start spinning and you start sliding and you're gone. I've driven in mud and I've driven in fields.

Every now and then you've got to take a two-wheel drive truck off into a wet, muddy field. You've got to learn how it maintains its friction by not accelerating or decelerating rapidly. The mud won't hold you. You'll start sliding, so you have to accelerate and decelerate very carefully. You kind of learn those things driving off-road.

So it applies to snow, really. I don't know how people do that. Off-roading is a little bit more of maintaining momentum, which snow is not about. Well, that's true. And I think that's probably a bit of our problem. You don't want to maintain a bunch of momentum. That's what's going to carry me through this

and also into every other person on the road. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of us have been in that situation, driving in the snow, where you crest a hill, a slight hill, and then it's like a minor decline, and there's someone like 400 yards ahead

of you and you're like all right i hope the guy behind me also knows to go one mile an hour as you try an engine you start to fishtail a little bit over correct we had to drive from denver to killington and like there was a we were in a four-wheel drive like big suv the guy at the thing recognized me and he and and uh and i convinced him to upgrade us to the fucking big SUV. And thank fucking God because it was an Explorer. So it had some, I don't know, it was like, blizzard mode? I was like, yeah, I do need blizzard mode.

But there was a guy in a two-wheel drive SUV on the interstate with us and we were side-by-side going about 40. And he was basically plowing snow with the front of his car. It was like spraying in front of him. The guy is outside the passenger window. He's crawled out of the vehicle.

He's looking at the front tire because the front tire is just kind of locked. I roll my window down. We're going maybe 40. I'm just like, good luck! He just knowingly went, thank you. I need that. We're not headed in a good direction here. Oh, no.

Snow's not that hard to drive in. You get some traction in it, whether it be for stopping or accelerating or maintaining where you're going. But a sheet of ice is really hard to drive in. And I think that sometimes people who are from places that have real snow, like Buffalo or Missouri or whatever, are like, what? That was nothing that why is that person suffering now that you don't understand they're in the south right everything melted that day and it refroze that night and it's not they don't have the traction that you have in snow that's very true yeah yeah it's harder to drive on black ice than it is in deep snow

like by far yeah and it looks like nothing and they look incompetent, but it's... I guess we can't make fun of the South. We can. There you go. We're not really fact-based. The South has always taken strays. You're right. Let's give them credit for things. They're good at football.

They like football. They're good at that. They're good at... Aren't most really good baseball players from the south and from like the dominican republic and stuff well yeah yeah but they're you know five years older than they say they are so that is cheatery yeah you see a dude who's like i'm 21 and it's like no you're not like you have a tattoo like in remembrance of someone who died at an age you couldn't have gotten the tattoo about you're a pow for real 101st airborne like what the fuck are you doing ad time yes yes thank you for reminding oh this is the highlight of the show this episode pka is brought to you by blue

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Don't fuck with the syrup. Take it. You'll know the second that syrup hits your mouth, you're going to go, that tastes like weed. That scissor tastes just like weed. It tastes overwhelmingly of weed because there's so much in it. And so take it slow. Start with a spoonful or however it is directed.

Don't go crazy. Does the weed hit you faster than the gummy? I can imagine it might. Yeah. I take it regularly. I think smoking into your lungs is the fastest way into your system maybe kyle knows better because like edibles take longer smoking's instant pretty much right like the syrup is an edible though right like but it's a liquid and so i feel like

this shit hits me faster than the other stuff it's digesting more quickly for sure um like 20 minutes after i take that i feel it it's nice and strong it's like 40 to 60 on a gummy i think yeah yeah so to take it slow don't go don't be a hero this shit is very strong and if you if you do be a hero don't tweet me and say you i took too much i told you not to yeah i my favorite thing is i give death by gummies to my friends sometimes. And these are the people who are high-level smokers. You have that one friend. I don't know that you can beat my friends.

My friends are at the top of the food chain. And they're like, I got too high, man. That was too much from one gummy. Yeah. So we're not memeing to try and get you to buy it we're trying to make sure you have a good time woody had a question a couple weeks ago that i think ed can answer we were talking about like cars that could get you laid and whether cars can just get you straight up get you laid i guess the idea would be like can you pull up in a car and just like a girl's gonna

show enough interest and you're just gonna be like yeah it's a fucking this and that and the other. I got eight of them. Hop in. It's a Ferrari testosterone. Do you want to suck my dick? And see if they say yes. The cars that I have certainly do not have that effect on women. 10 to 15 year old Italian supercars are not

the answer. If you want to have a lot of conversations with 10 to 15 year old boys at gas stations, that's certainly the answer. If you want to have a lot of conversations with, you know, 10 to 15 year old boys at gas stations, that's the certainly. Actually, tell me more about it. That's it. Yeah.

So that's the, but I would say that there are absolutely. Hey, not what I was looking for, but is that a Tony Hawk skateboard? The right vintage car, for sure, can work. So, you know, a great vintage Mercedes or Aston Martin or Bentley, you know, that could certainly have the effect of making you look cultured

and wealthy, for sure. We just want a whore to get in. We're not looking for all that. Oh, you don't want to find Mrs. Right. You just want to have a short term. Mrs. Right now. There you go. It's just going to be latest, greatest, brightest color.

I will say the green. I would have guessed not that. I would have thought girls can't tell a 15 year old supercar from a one year old supercar that's probably true but the uh the the ones that have seen them on social media the production of more modern cars is so vastly outnumbering the cars of even 10 years ago that they're a lot less familiar and they they do recognize that they're older uh just because they have you know not quite as sharp lines or not as many vents or wings or whatever so that's what are women though a very very low class woman who will just yes she's kind of

impressed that you have a car right right yeah any car was going to do the job but that fast looking car makes me more excited. That started on the second try. That's not bad. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah. Broken salvage title,

exotic cars, not necessarily. But that's my specialty. No, I would, I would, I would think you could, you could get the job done with,

you know, a 60, $70,000 car. I don't, I don't think you need a super car, but I would think a supercar you could... I think you'd have to shoot your shot a lot. You'd just have to drive up and down

a certain block in a certain area. You go to Clemson or Athens maybe and just start making circles. I bet you'd get a lady in there in three circles. No problem. Is the University of Georgia in Athens? It is, yeah. There's also three other women's schools there.

It's, it's a real target rich environment. It's true. Yes. But I'll tell you, I've had, uh, I don't know,

a few dozen exotic cars for almost 20 years. And, you know, I have, I started dating my wife the week after I bought a Lamborghini, but she didn't know. I started a company that became the rental car company. So I've never ever had a girl approach me expressing interest that would be attributed to the car for really much reason at all. And I've probably driven 200 to 250 000 miles in exotic cars yeah yeah you'd be the guy who'd know it's not a thing

that happens um unless there is something else about my persona that diffuses the natural uh i wouldn't think so you're a tall handsome handsome guy. You think he'd be making it work. It hasn't been on the agenda, but it's definitely not inescapable. Are they just fawning left and right before you? I'm going so fast through, they're just falling into the streets. That could be a theory. Yeah, that's what it is. But our audience, from an automotive perspective, is like 98.5% male. So I...

It's the opposite here. It's all women. It's significantly more female than our audience. Is yours similar? I don't know the metrics, but it's almost all hot young women. Based on my sample size. That's what Kyle tells them. I tell them all.

I get all my feedback about the show from Kyle. I don't read the comments. I don't look at any forums. The ladies love him. No, there are no women listening to our show. If you were to correct to a percentage, 100% of our listeners are men. I've been making car content for six years now.

And about two months ago, for the first time, I had a girl approach me in public and ask for a picture. Not saying I'm going to send this to my boyfriend or my dad or something like that. That was the first time that that ever happened. Wow. Has that happened to you guys like kyle woody have you guys been approached by a female fan for like the purposes of like i'm just such a fan of your videos i need this photo do you know how awkward it is when a girl comes and hangs out in your hotel room in bed with you for 40 minutes just like chilling wanting to be friends it sounds like it has potential for fun there was a point when i was like it was like my dick which like they didn't you know that scene where dennis is like how did you not know

that the reason i invited you was because i wanted to have sex like he has that moment where it's like how do you not know that's why i had that moment where i was like how did you not know that the reason I invited you to my hotel room and told you to bring alcohol at this late hour was that I wanted to have sex with you? No, she thought you wanted to talk about guns.

Oh, that was awkward. I've never had a female fan just really enjoy my content. I have had female YouTubers try to use me for clout and get subs off me, but not anyone who just liked me. No one with sincere enjoyment,

but I have been wary of, of, of a little, but, but no one's liked me. Woody, you and Jackie, we're going to start taking the bike side on the road. That did that happen yet?

Or is that twice? Yeah. All right. So catch everyone up. Woody's been motorcycling forever. He's been super into the hobby over the last year and he has wrangled his wife on into the hobby as well. Getting her a motorcycle,

training her up on it. They've mostly stayed inside the nest in their, in their, in their little community. But now she's taken to the open road, despite the fact that we had a little bit of a rough start in getting her license. Did she break her collarbone? No, the bone didn't break, but the tendons around it did, and there was some deformation and surgical

repair. Yeah, a little surgical repair just to get the license. So now we're on the open road together. How's that going uh you know a little bit of good a little bit of bad so on the upside she's doing great she's like if you just watch her drive aside from the fact that she's going 10 miles an hour under the speed limit uh she looks competent she's making her. There's never been a close call. What's not going well is she feels super nervous. Incredibly nervous. She's gripping the handlebars. We have comms. So I'm like, don't forget to loosen up. Stay loose. Don't stress. Everything's fine. This is a straight country road. There's nothing to worry about. Just relax. And she's not relaxing. She even was like, at what point

do I start liking this and that's a good that's a good wife right there oh no yeah so i'm trying to find this balance of like not pushing her outside of her comfort zone but not like straight out laying the red carpet to quitsville either yeah um so uh you know when the weather's just right which has happened twice in the last week i'm like let's go out and i take her on a drive i plan it in advance places where for example you can all imagine a country road with trees on either side and turns and i don't want to make a left onto that where it has to go well right you know if she for example stalls it or drops it, a bad

thing could happen. No, no, no. All the turns need to happen at red lights where it's protected. There are people just zipping through, going after her and such. I plan out routes like that so everything's a little low pressure. It's been going great. She just isn't liking

it. That's very important. I'm sure about that's very important i don't stress that important is that i like it this is type three fun baby it's a nice to have you're gonna look back on this later even though you hate it now and you're gonna you're gonna be glad you did this for me hey if she if she got back on after an early injury she's she's in i mean that's afraid of him that's crazy uh we when i was at the car dealership every time we would hire a new guy they would immediately buy a motorcycle because you didn't make enough money to immediately buy a supercar, but you'd go out and buy a $5,000 or $10,000 way too fast for a beginner motorcycle.

And we had one guy, Nick, that second week gets a check, I'm getting me a motorcycle. And he had never ridden a motorcycle, had no motorcycle license. But the way that the order of operations works in georgia and in a lot of states is like you don't have to have a motorcycle license to buy a motorcycle because you need a motorcycle to get your motorcycle's license to take the test and so if you don't borrow one you're it's a difficult thing you don't have to take you don't have to have a motorcycle's license to get a loan for a motorcycle. And you don't have to have insurance on a motorcycle to get a loan for a motorcycle without a motorcycle's license. So you can imagine that this could very quickly become problematic. And so Nick took

delivery at the, with, you know, no money down on some brand new motorcycle that he didn't even know how to do. And they brought it to the dealership for him. And so I hear him outside idling this thing around the end of the day so he's going to pull it in the shop because he doesn't know how to drive it home. And they screech bang pow. And all of a sudden, they say, don't ever sit on a running motorcycle without a helmet. This is why. Because in a car, if you let go of everything, the car will slowly roll into whatever's in front of it.

If it's automatic transmission or it'll stall if it's a manual. In a motorcycle, if you let go of everything, it will launch you into whatever is in front of you. And that happened to be a Porsche Panamera. And he broke the rear bulbous station wagon glass with his face and I walked out I was on the phone trying to do a deal and I said I'm gonna have to call you back and I walked out back and and the blood he was looking down and the blood was just dripping from his face and so everybody's freaking out the guy the only guy who knew how to ride a motorcycle in the circumstance was mad at

himself for letting him sit on his own motorcycle. And I took him to the emergency room and it's one of those times where you get seen immediately in the emergency room, which is fun. And there's all these little kids with broken arms and we are well in there. And two emergency room doctors came in, saw and said nope i am not stitching that up and so the third guy who's like the stitch superstar he stitched on nick for two or three hours it was 80 90 facial stitches and they're pulling pieces of glass out they pull out some of his forehead and ant walks out i'm like dude you had a good story today but that ant had a great story yeah

all right finding my own business that's what you did with the bike after that did you ever take it to the open road well since he didn't have insurance it couldn't really get totaled but it was proper mangled and so he ended up like having he never got his motorcycle license because he was at that point terrified, terrified from it. I bet. And so it was such a nightmare. I think he ends up selling it to our body shop guy who fixed it for a lot less than it should have taken. And he owned it. But no. And of course, he's just started working here.

And we didn't have health insurance or benefits or anything like that. So he's racked up quite a bill in an emergent situation. And so we have to go to the financial counselor's office before we leave. Cause he's told him he doesn't have insurance. So we had to self pay and they gave us an $8,000 bill for Nick's face. And, and I'm like, what if we paid it now? And they're like, oh, they were not expecting that. And they came down like to $2,000. And I'm like, I don't know, man. $2,000 is a lot.

I feel like we could do $500. And they're like, oh, no, we can't do $500. They did $800. They took 90% off of his bill if we paid right there. And so we went to the Waffle House next door and celebrated. He was all stitched up and bandaged up. No, he never got back on a motorcycle again. Yeah, I bet not. That's scary.

One strike. There it is. Is that a Grom? Yeah, it's a Honda Grom. She has three motorcycles. There's a girl who barely rides. She has a... No pressure.

No pressure. She has a Himalayan, which was her second bike. She also has a little 125 Honda dirt bike that she loves. She likes the little ones more than the full-sized ones. Oh, for sure. It's just easier to start with. The other picture is a bit of a close-up.

She is ready for a facial blow. Look at that. She'd be fine. Exactly. She could hit any portion. It's so less scary on a shorter bike. I got my license on a bike that's probably, I don't know, maybe not that low because that looks very low. It's called a 3-5th

size. Okay. I was on a 300cc Honda, but it was a classic style, like that old Harley street bike style. Maybe a Rebel. But when I first got on my thing, it was much higher and much scarier. And of course, I fell immediately.

Yeah, your bike is a real deal go-fast bike. That's not how I use it though. You just like to tool around town a little bit. I want to look like I go fast. He's not wearing out the outer edge of the tire.

I love those tassels you have on your shoulders. I love them. I put tassels on the handlebars so that I'm more visible that way. I do like that idea. It's safety. I'm not impressed by the panther tattoo. I don't know.

To me, that is symbolic of the look how tough I am. I don't know what that is, buddy. A panther tattoo? What does that look like? Like the cat? There's a few degrees of connection. Tough motorcycle guys have panther tattoos?

Yeah, I guess I'm going for the look at me, the affliction t-shirt, the panther tattoo, the, I don't know, mohawk or something. If I am cosplaying as a tough guy, that doesn't strike me as that tough. There you go. That guy's got a panther tattoo with tattoos on it. Right? Like, grrr, look how tattooed. I think that's actually a girl, tattoo with tattoos on it. Right? Like, grrr. Look how tattooed.

I think that's actually a girl, so it's a different vibe. Yeah, when a guy gets that tattoo on his fucking forearm, he's like, look how tough I am. Probably good at hitting things. I don't like that. I'm more about the... Fuck, if you've got tassels on your handlebars, that shows a certain confidence

that I'm concerned about. I was just joking around. I wouldn't put tassels on your handlebars that shows a certain confidence that i'm concerned about uh i was just joking around i wouldn't put that i really dislike red in a tattoo like that i don't i don't like that i don't like the scratchy parts but i kind of like the red in his face what is your new tattoo it's an avocado i got matching tattoos with my wife i think i can find it okay it's a very cute and sweet one very there's nothing tough about it it's not trying to be tough but i have we have like his and her avocado tattoos i have the pit which i guess is the male side she has the female side where the the pit was removed and then you'll see i don't know i think that makes you the pregnant side yeah Yeah, that's a possibility.

It's a dirty mirror at the tattoo place. It's a dirty mirror at the tattoo place. Thank you for saying that. It's at the tattoo place. We're not responsible for that mirror. It could possibly be her shirt is styled like that because I don't see it everywhere.

It's a filthy mirror. That's why my tattoo is so tough. Oh, yeah. Do you have any tattoos, Ed? I don't. I'm a pretty obsessive guy. If I did, you'd know from my neck. It would get out of hand.

I've been aware of that despite the temptation always to go out and do it. If you had to pull the trigger, though, if you had to get one, you probably have one in mind, right? If I did want it to be a proper sleeve of, you know, some interesting, I don't know, heaven to hell kind of thing. Damn, you'd go straight to a heaven, hell themed sleeve. It is for the best you don't do this.

Yeah. That's a big commitment. That's it. But yeah, so no but uh the avocado was very cute and i'm glad you got the pit that's it that was very sweet and now what he's getting addicted to it he wants all sorts of fruits and veg all over him the carrot tattoo is unseemly watermelons i have all the seeds we'll just follow through i know it would be funny so briefly for a bit kyle if we got the same tattoo

everybody's got the pit i don't give a fuck you know the pit like i don't care either yeah but that would be the the most permanent for a little minor laugh. Just a little titter. I fucking dare you. You get it. I'll get it. I fucking dare you. I fucking dare you. You won't.

Get it together. You're right. I won't. You can't eat me a goddamn onion. You won't do it. Well, you still haven't eaten the onion. Has it been six weeks? I don't know.

Why do I have to eat the onion? I don't even remember. You've been reminded to pre. Why do I have to eat the onion? I don't even remember. You've been reminded to pre-show. You agreed to eat the onion. The reason you have to eat the onion, Taylor, is because you were off by a slight amount on guessing what your Joan of Arc died or something. And at the last minute,

I made up a rule that the loser had to eat an onion. All right. Well, I forgot that. I guess I'll buy an onion i thought i totally forgot the onion i remember i won that guess and i don't even know who she is i thought she was a sailor i'll guess everybody you just haven't gotten or is it i mean are we talking apple style or like a raw onion or yeah

you can hibaki this thing into some rice no it has to be raw and in kyle's words he said he was going to ship me i quote the most acrid onion you could find the most white acrid evil i found I asked if I could have a Japanese onion and he said no. They grow in bitter soil. Very sandy, bitter. In the swamplands of Fukushima they grow these Japanese onions. I mean, clearly this shit isn't going away until I eat a fucking onion. So I guess I'll eat a fucking onion.

That was important. I also recall it was not a whole onion. It was a hearty slice of an onion. I only recall it was not a whole onion. It was a hearty slice of an onion. I only said it because I hate onions so much. I feel like they ruin every food item. That blows my mind, dude.

If I dice them up and melt them into a sauce, they're amazing. If I want to make pasta sauce, but the onions melt after I'm done cooking them down. Fried onions on a cheesesteak? Not your thing? Fuck no. None of that. I don't want onions. Onion rings I'd be down with. Well, onions on a burger. Add that sharpness. I actually do that on hot dogs.

That's the only place where I do that. So I guess I'm not... I guess I do have issues sometimes where I do eat raw onions. All I put on a hot dog is onions and mustard. Onions is such a weird thing to dislike, I feel like. It gets in everything.

I know. It's a problem, and I'm always asking them to take them off. One of the things about that, though, if you always want at least one thing taken off your food, you always make sure you get fresh food. That, or they take one that's prepared, open it, and pull the onions out. I've seen that done. I only worked at McDonald's for a week when I was 15, but I watched that happen, and I was like, bro, just make a new one. They're going to see the indentions in the cheese.

Oh, my God. So gross. I like to believe that nothing bad has ever happened to my food, and I do appreciate that when you order DoorDash, they tape everything up in sort of a tamper-proof kind of manner. But somebody's definitely done something bad to my food. I think that's way more likely than I've ever eaten a spider

in my sleep. That's horse shit. There's no way I've ever once eaten a spider in my sleep. But somebody's definitely spit in my fucking food. Okay, well, I know that myth was started online probably, or way back in the day. someone like made a comment many years ago that i saw that like just convinced me the other direction because i just believed

like yeah you eat spiders sometimes at night and someone commented was like yeah spiders survived billions of years by crawling into warm predator mouths you retard and i was like damn that's salient like like yeah you know how you sleep with your mouth open and then like mice and rats crawl in and drown no like that's not how animals work retard like i guess that's why i was made quite the fool that day when i read that but it was one of those do you ever do this where you like have an opinion on something and then you read something else just like this and you pivot instantly from obviously you eat spiders in your

sleep dumbass to how foolish could you be to believe you eat spiders I feel like I need to make up for like the ignorance that I want spread in the world having that having the wrong idea about something

all the third graders that you told this was happening in there you know that I want spread in the world. Having the wrong idea about something. All the third graders that you told this was happening in their... All those ladies I misinformed or whatever about how sexually transmitted diseases work because of my ignorance. That's not my fault. But now that I know the truth, I try to spread knowledge

and justice in the American way. I'm a bit like Superman in that way. I'm not familiar with Superman. I don't think he spreads the American way, though, right? Remember when he stole all the nuclear weapons and put them in a net and flew them into space? I don't remember. I haven't.

He got them all, like every single one. I mean, that part's not unbelievable. And he had them in like a... He's so powerful, he can't he can't be stopped well at the time there was like a hundred thousand nuclear weapons and so so but he put him in a big like fisherman's net in space and he did that like spinny thing and threw them into the sun and uh and and and i hated that because like i wish that they'd shown like 30 more minutes of the movie when the soviets invade poland now because we don't have nukes if we threw that many nukes into the sun nothing is so big would there even be a perceptible blip after like at the area we threw it in or would it just nothing would even happen i don't think anything would happen. It's already a giant fusion reaction.

It's a big nuclear. Yeah. You do put it that way. That's why he got eyelash cancer is because it's already radioactive. Yeah. So I don't, I don't think it would be a solar flare noticeable for all of the, I mean, I don't think so.

I'm retroactively making that question a joke. I saw a YouTube channel that calculated how many elephants you'd have to throw into the sun for it to be a problem or something like that. Oh my god, dude. Probably like... Or maybe it was lions. I bet it's trillions.

It was like how many lions would it take to beat the sun or something like that. To beat the sun? No, but no amount could win. Like they couldn't beat the core or whatever. Some amount. no amount could win. Like they couldn't eat the core. Some amount. Some amount could win. Eventually enough lions bite the sun.

A quadrillion trillion lions. You're good, Zach said. This is one of those things that doesn't make sense to me, but no, they can't eat bits of the sun. No, no, no, no. A little of the sun. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. A little at a time. Well, maybe very small bites.

Yeah, the heat of the sun can only burn so many lines. They attacked in the lights, but they attacked at night. Every once in a while, 4chan is very fucking fun. Yeah, the internet is undefeated. Oh, man. Y'all were talking about the camping week or survival week or whatever. Was that done as a PKA project?

How did the content do? Good. At the time, we've done two of them and they were both failures. The first one, it was when it was myself woody and wings that obese man who is supposedly gonna do battle uh we're familiar in

london and wings backed out at the last minute the day of um after having built it up for months and then i drank river water while trying to retrieve a turtle I shot in a river and got severely poisoned by it on day one. So I was vomiting all night and we were about to get sort of stuck on an island of land by a storm that was going to make a river rise. So we made the decision to just quit, which was my fault. I was just ill, couldn't do it. And then the second time, me, Woody, and our friend Chiz went with a cameraman to Mount Currahee, to that wilderness area back there, and basically tried to survive with essentially nothing.

I mean, we had hammocks and guns. And we just starved for a week in the hot Georgia. I tried to tell these guys, but I let them talk me out of it. I was like, we should do it in November when it's chilly because we can build a fire and we can warm up, but there's no getting rid of that Georgia swampy wet heat. And they're like, no, October is brisk. And I forgot that I was talking to a guy from Missouri

and a guy from New Jersey. Chiz is from fucking California. He's got no idea. So like it just kind of, there were so many things being like planned that, that just like, I didn't think about it anymore. And so we just sweated our balls off for a week and,

you know, bathing in a Creek, um, Woody bathed in the, there was a beaver dam and like right after it's where the beavers like shit and like play in their pool and and and and i'm like i'm gonna go take a bath you know and i'm in this quick running water upstream but it's only this deep so i have to do sort of like a prayer i get on my knees in it and like throw it over myself like anointing myself to get wet and what he's

like why aren't you just getting that little pond? I'm just full of shit. I looked and because he's been trudging around in it, it's about waist deep. It's just thick with brown silt. I'm like, that is feces. That is the kind of shit that you are waiting in. I'm no scientist,

but yeah. He's like, that's what the soap's for. You forget not everybody grows up in woods. 99.9% of bacteria, Kyle. And it was just an atrocious experience. I would do something like that again. At the time, we were so hyped on survival shows. That was like the thing on cable TV.

There were so many different ones. And everybody was like, oh, I'd be good because I'd have this skill and that skill and i think we all hyped ourselves up like that a couple times and uh and and i mean i grew up hunting and stuff like i was shocked there were no no wildlife it was like it was like god was like run away yeah it'll suck for them it'll be funny it's not your week yeah i i we camp next to that beaver shit pile um but like that was part of a creek system that i had scouted out and i had looked at it and i had It's not your week, yeah. We camped next to that beaver shit pile. But that was part of a creek system that I had scouted out. And I had looked at it, and I had seen a big catfish in this creek.

Like this big. And I was thinking, oh, my God. If he lives in this creek, there's an ecosystem that he's part of that's full of medium, small, and large things. That's food. That says lots of food here. Never saw a fish here never saw a fish never saw a fish what he got those two crawfish and he was like should we split them into like thirds where i was like how about you eat two crawfish and we'll watch how about you enjoy

your crawdad bounty and we'll sit here jealous like dude does everyone know because i know we have a bunch of european listeners like do you know what a crawdad is do they know what a crawdad is it is the station you can imagine that is a clip from the trip that what is that uh duck doing that's a chicken that's still living it's it's about to be tortured to death so my father my father owns a poultry farm and so i thought as part of this thing as a backup plan in case we did not find any wild game i'd bring henrietta along and she would be like something we could eat at some point however she quickly became like a mascot

we found we found that she was a domesticated animal essentially so she would stay with the group very close she would never like leave us leave our camps essentially so she would stay with the group very close she would never like leave us leave our campsite and she would clear it of pests she was eating all the bugs that that that were around she was just always around pecking up at chasing mosquitoes and it was you could pet the chicken and we were all friendly with it but what he was set on killing that chicken and and we all just sort of like allowed it to happen and uh he said he was afraid he was going to hit my hand with the machete when he was delivering the killing blows and that's why they were so so inaccurate and choppy but uh but i just but i just

fuck up to hit a chicken in the shoulder blade when you're trying to be at it? And it was a funny thing to explain because Kyle knows this. A chicken's neck is kind of like nothing. You can take that blade he had. You don't have to do a chop. He could have put it down almost like you were rolling through a like a carrot or something if you wanted or just a little you could pick it up by the head and kill it like yeah there's no need for a swing when you're decapitating a chicken you can literally just

if he hit that chicken five times he hit it 15 he beat that chicken like it owed him money god damn it he beat that chicken like it like like an. God damn it. He beat that chicken like an angry white police officer on a Saturday night. He went to town. You had blood all over your face like you were just in a battle. And my head was splattering on me. And then we boiled her, and she was horrific to eat. And we just threw her out. And I felt so awful.

Now, just granted, that chicken was always going to die. They live short, unhappy lives. It had a week or two of- Yeah, but but dude those few days in the woods henrietta was living the dream eating mosquitoes hanging out i felt pretty bad about that i i don't know but what did you let her go to waste did you guys even eat every bit we we barely it was so awful you barely touched her here's what we did here's what we did like i remember this distinctly i had seen a video where someone had done this they butchered a chicken i watched lots

of videos in case we killed a number of things because like what do you do when you've got a dead deer there if you don't know what you're doing my name is henrietta and i've been told jesus christ um i i you're supposed to like douse them and dunk them in boiling water or almost boiling water and that makes all the feathers very easy to pluck out. We went overboard with that and just boiled the whole chicken. You didn't gut it? Then you couldn't get the skin off.

Well, that was just a whole mess, Taylor. You boiled the chicken without gutting it? I think we gutted it. I'm almost positive we gutted it. That's so important. Well, the boiling water was about getting the feathers out. So you just threw it in there and then let it sit in there with its liver and kidneys and fucking stomach?

I think we took that out first. And then, you know, to pluck it, though, like more easily. Did you do it? Because I don't know if if i know chiz wouldn't know how to clean a chicken i'm gonna be honest with you i was so distraught at that point about the death of henrietta that like i had no plans of eating her because i felt like it was she was my friend and i was just gonna i was kind of letting woody do his thing and but but i remembered that she needed to be boiled a little to get those feathers out and then a little turned into way too much

and there was just feathers everywhere and it turned into this gross soup of dead chicken and feather and I don't think we ate that chicken at all I know I didn't, I know I refused it looked real nasty poor Henrietta did you come away from the experience

really appreciating the work that goes into cable television? Oh my god, I hated every bit of that. It was so awful. I hated that shit. It was so silly. It was so fucking silly. The weather was awful. The whole thing. It was just boring. There was nothing to do. There was nothing to do. We thought there were things to do. No, they give those people

things to do. You need activities. You need challenges. We didn't plan any activities. We just thought it'd be cool to watch us be out there but it's not it turns out it's not i mean i'll tell you the fun part was we did like every night we would each step away from the campfire to our cameraman and talk about how things were going and there was some drama as far as who was pulling their weight um like around the because there's carrying of gear and there's lots of setting up of shit and and uh there was a lot of that was the fun part i i think

that's where we we did a really good job those are funny those are funny us talking shit on each other she's just fucking smoking down cigarettes but it but it allows you to appreciate that in reality television those interviews are what carry the content model. It's not actually what's happening. It's what they encourage them to talk about each other behind the scenes. Yeah, it's just the setting. The setting's interesting, but it's the interpersonal relationships that are driving everything.

It's the soap opera nature of it all. Yeah. If we'd had activities on our survival trip, if we'd had competitions, I think it could have been real fun. That's what we could have done. Remember we

played those stupid games where I say alligator, you say there are no animals. There you go. And then there are no animals with C. Dog. I didn't really win with C. Dog. Eagle.

Falcon. Giraffe. These silly games by the campfire. Why are there so many birds? Fuck. Fuck. Iguana. God damn it.

Iguana, man. Of course. Fuck. That was fun. iguana god damn it iguana man of course fuck a tackle so yeah that can be that was fun we played I started doing well the game's over alright we don't want Woody pulling a hattery thing let's stop it now

tally up the score I think the clear winner emerged there in those 5 seconds where I rattled off 3 a clear winner emerged of in those five seconds where I rattled off three. A clear winner emerged of the animal mating game. Well, we changed the genre, right? You know, you changed it like all sorts of things.

That's what we were doing. I could see how that would really get short. Five days. Five days of that, you know, and you're like we i know every animal that you know now yeah yeah by night five it's like a cat elephant now you're memorizing all the hard ones for later we all know the j one you know what i can imagine being there is like nothing but time and i try to teach everyone to play magic,

the gathering and everyone's mad at me. A deck of cards would have been a fucking spot, dude. But I wouldn't have brought regular cards. I would have been like, you can play the green aggro deck and I'll play. Dude, we didn't bring shit. Like, you know how much a chess board would have or some poker cards or anything? Yeah. We're just sitting there.

I smoked all of the cup. She has brought like a carton of cigarettes for a five day trip. Ten packs. Good. And he was. And I was just like, give me a pack. Is it fair to say he smoked more than two packs a day on that trip? All right.

So I don't think he smoked that much. Okay. But if he did, like, as a former, like, heavy-duty smoker, there are some activities or, like, times when you'll just be burning them one after another. Like, when I'm playing poker, I'm going to smoke a pack tonight. I'm going to smoke a pack of cigarettes tonight while I'm playing poker in this 18-hour session.

That's $20, right? I don't know. They used to be $5.50. Now they're getting closer to like seven or eight dollars i think something like that it's not like a huge investment all those states not i'm gonna spend seven dollars tonight yeah it's not healthy no missouri we have the cheapest cigs in the nation we have the cheapest tobacco products in the country but yeah if i were gonna do another trip like... Before they had to defund the libraries.

We rock. A, there would be activities planned. B, we'd want to be able to live do some of it. And C, you'd want to do it on fucking Lake Hartwell, right? So that Woody has access to his flying contraptions and the lake

and that boat that we could all use i'm sure he wouldn't mind and all of his friends who are partial owners they don't mind they're cool with us they know us we're taylor we're essentially part owners of that boat too that's how i see myself that's how i see myself i wouldn't say i'm the captain per se i would that boat that we trust our life to that is the life-saving device in case something goes wrong is so shitty. We spend 15 minutes trying to get it to run on

all the cylinders at the start of every weekend. Fix it. Do what now? Fix it. It's not near me. Says the third mate. I know, but there's like... Yeah, says the third mate.

Look, if I was... I'm going to tell you this. If I was second mate... That was the brig operator. So, if I'm correct, this is the boat that y'all tow each other out over the lake with your parachutes on and do tricks and shit over the lake. So, if you fall, you fall in the water. But that's good and bad because you fell in the water. Good. It didn't hurt. But now you might be drowning in the water but that's good and bad because you fell

in the water good it didn't hurt but now you might be drowning you need a boat to save you yeah yeah and so this is the rescue boat as much as it is as it is the like tugboat to have the fun perfect i mean there's like 10 of y'all in on this boat right like a new motor could cost dozens of dollars each yeah i know i'm the only one who's like happy to i'm every year i'm like let's get new line let's get new this let's get the boat fixed and everyone else is like nah i think we can get another year out of it can i tell you what you should do you're gonna tell me pay for it all there should be fees to be part of this boat club y'all are in and they should be very tiny tiny dues every every six months every that should cover the motor then, right?

It should, yeah. Some guys aren't contributing, maybe. They'll be like, if the fee's $100 I'm in, if it's $250, just remove me from the club. And we're like, no, we're really starving for people. And that's the situation. Call them on their bluff and say, you're banned from the sea. What are you doing falling into bodies of water so i fly a paraglider which is kind of like a parachute but it flies

better and we're into acrobatic like we do stunts on it we do like somersaults and get upside down and do helicopters and all sorts of weird shit so when when you learn new things, when you push your limits, it's best to do that over water instead of land. A lot of times you'll be in this situation where you just kind of spin, spin, spin, spin, spin, and your descent rate's not that bad. If you hit water, you'll be okay. If you hit ground, you probably won't. Or if you land under a parachute,

you would think that with a parachute, you're fine, that your troubles are over. You're really just swapping problems.'s usually an upgrade right you know you threw your shoot because you were in a really bad spot but now you're just in a different not very good spot you're in an uncontrolled parachute landing somewhere and that could be into a power line into a tree which usually works out well but it's not cool or water with a rescue boat. That's your best choice. So when we push our limits, we do it over the lake. Okay.

It's a great, it's a cool thing. I love your whole plan there, but man, it sucks though, right? On one hand, you don't want the club to be smaller because it's not like you've got a giant group, but on the other, it's like, hey, the whole point of the club is that we keep this boat up to...

I'm not asking for a P. Diddy-style shrimping yacht. I just want the rescue boat to fire up and run all six. Come on. That would be a problem for me, I think. I'd worry about my safety. We're counting on you, Woody. We need you here. We need you.

And Jackie, I mean, to a lesser extent. To a lesser extent. about my safety people we're counting on you woody we need you here we need you and jackie i mean to a lesser extent to a lesser extent that you can show that with no volume while we talk about it uh this is a camera on my thigh while i do flips i forget that people who don't look at this kind of footage all the time for the thigh cam huh people don't look at this footage all the time can get like their perspectives a little messed up but what you'll see is i'm gradually working this into like bigger and bigger somersaults until eventually i go straight up over the dude what are you doing what the fuck are you doing you have children you got you got a family this is absurd.

Tell her they're grown. Yeah. He's going head over heels. He's loopy. I call these the loop-the-loops. I call these the loop-the-loops. Yeah, I'm going straight over the middle of those for like five minutes. It took him a while to work up to that, huh? Yeah, yeah.

There were me and like five other guys racing to master this move, and I was the first to it. Dude, if you pull that out. It was the first to it. It was really big to me. It was super big. I thought victory was over. Who has a victory at 48 years old? There aren't too many things that you can win at. Foreman.

Foreman? George Foreman came back. Oh, George Foreman. Okay, sure, sure, sure. But it was like, shit, I got one more win. That was nice. That's really cool. Yeah, it was cool. I mean, it's no heavyweight title, but yeah. George Foreman can't do that. You are risking your life.

We now have YouTuber boxing to look forward to. I've always said you need to incorporate gunplay into your aerial acrobatics, and I mean it. I mean it. I mean it. Maybe to me, adding a gun makes everything better.

Name a thing that adding a gun to it wouldn't make it better, Taylor. Are you still allowed to have guns? I mean, if that... Oh, no, no. No, no, no. I was talking to people about you recently, and they're like, you know, in Texas, they let felons have it. We could do some video shoots and stuff.

And I'm like, if it's adjacent to illegal, Kyle's not about it. He doesn't want it. Yeah, I'm the kind of fellow that special circumstances are made for. They're like, yeah, they allow folks to do this. Yeah, I'm not folks. And we're not going to do it in your backyard. We're going

to record it, edit it together, make it cool, and show a million people, right? No, I don't think I'm allowed to do that. Yeah. You're not, but... Special circumstances will be made for you. Dmitry Potapov. Might be. I don't even sound like that guy, Your Honor. What are you

talking about? I'm clearly a different man. That Russian character would be a very different fellow in this current political climate, huh? No, no. Would I lean into being evil Russian? You'd have to. If your character

was a Russian, you'd have to double down. You'd have to play the heel a bit. That'd be spicy stuff. You could shoot Ukrainians the heel a bit. Free and amplify. Absolutely. You could shoot Ukrainians. It would be super spicy and you'd get a bunch of views. You know what I'd do? You would immediately get demonetized. While I was doing my videos,

I'd be under constant Ukrainian drone attack. Like every video there'd be mortars landing around me. Maybe simpler drones yeah not the good ones but i don't think they have good prop drones they're flying like ar drones with little uh you know 3d printed latches on them carrying hand grenades golly what a mess it is impossible to get accurate news about Ukraine. I watch it all the time. At this point, I'm watching Russian and Ukrainian propaganda trying to sort of splice it, like figure out what's accurate in the middle. Like, yeah, there's this Russian channel talking about how Bakhmut is going to fall.

He's been saying for like five months now that they're just about to take over and there are encroaching getting ground i think they might have half of it so it's not crazy crazy but dude you're five months off your prediction that's a lot is that i don't think that was the city you were you pulled up the graphic of last time right yeah it just seemed like moot i think this seems like they gain another 100 meters every day which sounds like nothing but you know the russians your 10 days go by yeah and they've got a kilometer maybe this time next year they'll be somewhere yeah it looks like it's going poorly for them i i enjoy it as a spectator sport if i'm gonna be completely honest like i don't uh you know this looks fucking exactly the same as i remember it yeah maybe

there's a tiny bit more red where that AK is on the top but I don't even know. Follow it for three months though and they'll like close that gap and take away that right part. How long before there's movies about this? I bet someone's making one now. Yeah. I bet some cool like all jokes aside I bet there's some like crazy

stories happening there on the ground. Oh for sure. Yeah. It's a war yeah insane horrible interesting things going on yeah ukrainians are about to do this huge counterattack and it's interesting to me because for starters why everybody operation top secret why do everybody knows everybody knows every fucking uber driver is like you what do you think the ukrainian counterattack is going to be i think it's going to be north and back move where they encircle and picture movement? I think it's going to be north and back where they encircle and pinch your movement. I think it's going to be in the south where they cut across and try to divide Crimea away from its supply lines.

It's one of those two. And everybody, everybody, everybody knows. Everybody knows it's going to come in like the first two weeks of April. Everybody knows where it's going to be. And part of me is like, doesn't that mean it's going to fail? If everyone knows, ifussia knows it's coming won't they stop it no i don't know it doesn't also because there are no secrets in modern war there are the way the surveillance works the way the drone works the way the satellites

you can't hide 132 tanks like everyone knows it's coming you can't do what we did in 1940 with with inflatable tanks pretending it doesn't work. They said they were doing that. They said they were building those fake vehicles and stuff and sending them in. I don't know. Again, I see it as a spectator sport. I don't know anything about wars. As close as I come to it, it's playing against Taylor.

In that situation, if he's bringing enough tanks, he can tell me all day that he's coming with those tanks. He's just going to run my shit if I don't have a way way to stop them if he's got i don't know if i'm bringing the corn he knows what i'm bringing he can't stop me though i know what's coming with tanks visually have been the same for 70 years there's very little difference in the last 70 years so i see these things rolling in on trains and they're like look at this this tank is from 1941 like this is look how horrible a situation

they're in and i'm like i don't know because their 1980s tanks look like that too let me help you though what they they they did a size comparison they put them next to each other they i think they showed the uh the british challenger tank which they're sending i don't know a few dozen over next to the the t-52 or something like that wait Wait, that's Power Armor. Is that a Russian one? It was like a 1950s tank that they had been seeing rolling out recently, and it looks like a Volkswagen next to a school bus.

It's such a shocking difference. With the Volkswagen being the good one, right? No, no. The new Challenger is a big-ass tank. Didn't the... Remember when we had the israeli tank guy in the hangout he was talking about how like actually the smaller uh i guess

silhouette or whatever the term would be tanks are better now because they're they're faster and more agile um you know i think he which would make sense like if you can pack the same firepower into a smaller package that's more agile like oh he said you can get around the tenement square protesters talking probably specifically about the israeli tanks because he was mentioning shit like yeah they're much faster than the tanks that we go up against and more agile things like that yeah he was saying like those palestinians like they're well they don't have any tanks they've got like slingshots well no but he was saying they're quick on their feet and if you want to run one down you've got to really be a hell of a tank god the brave idf is there with tanks to take down those yeah those terrorists swift-footed palestinian children

yeah those those those ah those rascals you can't cross a fucking tank no you cannot not effectively those were always the scariest scenes in war movies is when someone would fall in front of You can't cross a fucking tank. No, you cannot. Not effectively. Those were always the scariest scenes in war movies is when someone would fall in front of a tank and then be crushed. Ooh, I always disliked that. It doesn't look like that big a mismatch. That's two different tanks than I was describing. Right, he was just doing his best, though.

Which one's the suburban? That's two different tanks than I was describing. Yeah, I like Steel Justice. That's cool. That's the suburban? That's two different tanks than I was describing. Yeah, I like Steel Justice. That's cool. That's the name of that tank. The question is, can the Abrams take a shot from the other one? If they're both one-shot kills, then anyone has a puncher's chance, I suppose.

Yeah, right? See, that was my thought. If they can both one-shot the other, the one that's smaller, I think it's the one that's smaller i think it's the one that's a little benefit right it's the one that shoots from further range more accurately right like well that sounds more like a realistic concern i'm thinking about like video game style oh well silly head yeah you know the empire has a steam tank right they do and i am glad you haven't

brought it against me on the field of battle because it's an absolute nightmare to deal with i know how to micro the gun like i don't just let it auto fire i actually manually control the gun you do no even without the firefly dwarves or whatever get delivered tomorrow hey it's a cool game for cool people man it's called the chaos dwarves do you ever get really into something and like even you're getting into it, you're like, God damn, this is going to be... Everything I get into, bro. Everything.

I don't have any cool hobbies. Do I have any cool hobbies other than weightlifting? Because it's magic. Archery is not cool. Archery, bro. Axes? Man, your whole life is tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids. Archie, grow axes. Man, your whole life is tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids.

Archie, Magic the Gathering, RTS Games. Weightlifting is the only cool one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a cool one because that means like, oh, you're staying fit. But what they don't know is I have no control of my diet. Taylor, do you have a baby on the way? Hell no. No.

No? No, not. I'll keep the updates on the way, but nothing yet. Nothing yet. Okay. That might change things if that's part of the life plan. It could. I'll have to teach them how it's going to be. It's like

a child raised in a really religious home. They're going to learn magic with their first words. Dude, I will. I love magic. I love strategy card games. Dude, I will. Because I love magic. I love strategy card games.

I love strategy board. I just love strategy games. Sure. Games, board games, anything. And so I would absolutely force my kids to play games like that with me. Yeah. See, that's one of... Look, I had a good childhood.

Then I... Oh. Then he wins! That would be disappointing. If my kid doesn't have a mind for strategy. Okay, you're obviously going to suck at five years old. The question is, will you let them win, or do you want to make them earn their wins?

They will never win. I will cheat to beat them so that they always know I am the alpha. So I would cheat against the kid every fucking turn, and they would never know that I was doing it. Now that is based in red pelt. They need to know that I am the alpha and the omega. I am the pedophilius. Do you know what happens when you beat a child in such a fashion in a game?

Yeah, you go to jail. They aspire to be as great as me. That's the Michael Jordan story. They never play that game with you again. Yep. It's the same way you teach regular. When I teach a regular adult to play magic, the gathering with me, do you think I'm like blowing them out of the water?

No, I make sure that it's competitive and they win. And the only time I won't like that, I will keep myself or that I will allow myself to win is if it's so obvious that I'm waiting, that it would be insulting not to, to do stuff. But other than that,

like make people feel like they're learning. Oh, you're understanding the phases now. Hey, instead of me telling you what to do right now as you're learning the game let me ask you a question do you have any of this type of card that you think might ruin this plan i haven't played oh now they're thinking for themselves like that that's kind of what you want to do when you teach someone a strategy game you don't just want to no you want to absolutely smash them so that they think you're great and then stop playing with them. It really ties into my show your penis

to your children philosophy. The whole like, you want your boy to see your adult-sized massive dong when he's like eight, you know? Old enough to remember it, but young enough not to compare. Never forget, boy! And then as a first date, he'll be like, well, it's adult-sized, but it sure doesn't match

dad's. In the same way they think that playground was big. And then they come back to it. It's not what they thought it was. They have this childhood memory of dad's enormous schlong. Do that with magic. They'll have this childhood memory of you being a master strategician, maybe. And then never let them know you're human. It's like a maestro, but a strategio.

Strategio. I like it. Strategian. Strategian. Yeah, I just don't like playing anything with children. You're going to fool me again. I had a good childhood. I didn't want to play much.

So much. Strategia. But we never played board games, and I always wanted to. We had Monopoly there, and I was always like, play Mon and i and everybody in my family is like no see no one wants to play fucking no one wanted to ever play a goddamn board game i would occasionally get to play checkers at the cold country store i played checkers with the old guys that were hanging out in there and that was it nobody ever wanted to play a fucking board game i don't even know how to play that i've never played part cheesy if you told

me it was little wooden balls that you had to like roll up a ramp i would believe you i have no idea what that is they tell you dude i i played uh like i've always been into strategy games and i was like 14 30 maybe even like 12 13 i got into lord of the rings cards i know i've mentioned that to you like lord of the rings the strategy card game and like i really my mom would like humor me sometimes and be like oh i'll play this with you and she was actually very engaged and be interested like my mom was always incredibly supportive of like the things i was enjoyed and uh my dad like i remember trying to get him once when i was like 11 or 12 to play this strategy game with me because like i really wanted him to be involved in this thing I enjoyed. And so I asked him.

And he finally, after so fucking long, was like, yeah, I'll play with you for a bit. And I was like, my dad's going to play with me. I can't believe it. And I went down and I set up the cards and I was so excited to play with my dad this game. And he comes down into the basement where we were playing on a little card table. And I like dealed him his deck

and his his cards and everything and i'm i'm a kid like i'm excited to play this game with my dad and he like sits down clearly not stoked and then like picks up the cards which have like it's lord of the rings trading cards there's like pictures of fucking gimli and shit on it and so he picks that up and looks at it. And I will remember this to the day I die. I remember him going like, I can't do this. And like, just like getting up. And then he left and went golfing by himself.

And I remember like picking up cards. Your dad should have heard the Woody move. Here's what he should have done. Holy shit. This is parenting advice. Get high. Right? And then once you're nice and high and your kid's like, Dad, will you spend

some time with me? I'm like, yeah. Sure. Tell me all about your ninth favorite Walking Dead death. I'm here for it. Then my dad just needed to be stoned to play it with me. Yeah, he would have had a little bit of love. Gimli? Who's this little guy just yeah i uh yeah dad would not play i i would try to get him to play video games with me sometimes he was not into that um just my dad would do not play you

would do that i learned early on that if i wanted to like be my dad's like buddy and play with him and do things with him i needed to get on board with his hobbies because he had some he'd already gotten into his hobbies for the for the last 35 years so he like he was into those things like he was my age when like i was a little kid and so like i'm thinking like yeah i'm gonna fuck no i'm not gonna play that stupid fucking game play my real cool games you're gonna have to like come on get over here so but my dad's real cool games was like hunting and gambling and uh um i don't know building cars and painting cars and yeah like remodeling stuff like like man stuff like mostly so no i never got to play playing cards debatable i would have loved to have played lord of the rings playing cards with dad but instead it was like we'll go kill a deer instead or we'll you know i don't know work hard dig a hole in the

ground i don't know something like that dude lots of us as kids had fun just digging holes i went through hole digging phases where that's all i did did you do that ed did you have times where you like got home from school and you and a sibling or a friend just dug a hole? No, I grew up on a cattle farm. So if you were digging a hole, it was to bury something big. Yeah. So no, I did not. And to be honest, because of that, like if we go to the beach or something, the my I have a three year old and eight year old and they want to dig holes like crazy. And I actually can enjoy that because the novelty of that childlike wonder what's under this sand. I bet it's more sand. It's really a thing.

I'm with you. That's hilarious. When does the sand stop? Who knows? It turns into water somehow. How does that work? Why didn't we sink already? Yeah, there's a lot going on. There's rock under there somewhere. How many tractors did you we sink already? Yeah, there's a lot.

What kind of tractors did you have at home? Oh, we had a Farmall. We had an old Ford. No Lamborghini tractors. Not like Jeremy Clarkson. They didn't have market penetration into Georgia cattle farms. But, yeah, to be quite honest, we weren't that active on it. It was something my grandfather and uncle did. But it was a thing, yeah.

But yeah, kids, what do you have kids, right? Two. Two? How old are they? 19 and 23, I think. There you go. Well-adjusted members of society. Yeah, I think they're both about to have birthdays but they're still 19 and 23 for now i think they're both about to oh you judge me i'll circle back to you in 25 years

if you know how old your children are i love it i love what he just what he has i knew how many there were yeah i, I know there's two. Two for two, dumbass. And they will get a present at some indeterminate date. I would say Jackie's probably got that dialed in. Yeah. Guaranteed. Women know that stuff very well. All right, proper question.

Your children are past the age of your, you know, chaperoning them through social media. i am on the other end of that process as someone who made a living on the internet how did you manage parenting towards the internet it was tough like so our fan base is aggressive and unkind oftentimes and they would seek her out and she would have the most innocent like instagram page right where like she's an 11 year old she was into music right she did choir at school and yeah more and and she'd sing and you know they're just like tearing that apart you know there's an 11 year old little girl singing um and basically like i don't know she kind of stayed off the internet made everything

private except she showed her friends and we always made it clear like you're not the same as everybody else people will seek you out you're a person of interest because you know you're around the show and you just can't have the same kind of social media, Facebook page. Just know everything is public. And it was a reminder, too, because random people would write her and try to lead her down some bad path. Either say things about me or say things about herself. They'd befriend her online and try to it's fucked up fuck with her and uh but she developed a sort of force field about that you know being suspicious

of strangers on the internet so what are you in a year that whole time like it's no joke though like yeah you need to teach your kids especially if're girls. Like you're not a normal person. I guess at all, I'll just say no dudes ever, ever. Your dudes are way more interesting than anyone else. You're Ed Bolin's kid. Oh man. I mean, you know, trying to convince someone that the internet is a fundamentally evil place when that's where all the things in their life came from is a hard sell, right?

I hadn't even gotten to the point of them creating their own social media content and my car-loving people coming in to let them know what they thought. That would be a tough day. I'm sure there were a lot of tough days. Ed's kid likes Chevys. a tough day. I'm sure there were a lot of tough days. Ed's kid likes Chevys. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Can you imagine how much more kind-spirited his trolls

are than ours? That's how we go. I just did it. Ed would be like, God damn it, son. Chevrolet is a piece of shit. All general motor products in general They had a Nazi founder Just like Ford

Come over here This is actually a good car question Is GMC the same company as Chevy? General Motors Is a parent company That owns Chevy, Buick, GMC Okay Because I was at a gas station today

And I saw a GMC truck in front of me at the other pump and on the back it had a bumper sticker that said, this is a Chevy family. If we're quiet, we can hear a Ford rusting. And then it was a GMC and

the entire wheel well was rusted out. The entire wheel well was rusted out. The entire wheel well was rusted out. And I was like, what the fuck? What is wrong with that? Why would you have this strong of a stance? Like, not this thing specifically. Your car is shit, bro.

GMC's fancy Chevrolet. Like, I never knew anyone who had a GMC truck. Because, like, everybody I knew had work trucks. Like, it's the fancy chevrolet like i never knew anyone who had a gmc truck because like everybody i knew had work trucks like like it just it's the fancy chevrolet but that's the fancy chevrolet like my grandma only drives yukons is that the gmc yukon and she decided like six years ago my grandma's from southern missouri and she she decided she would she used to drive those new uh gmcs and she loved those econs and then she found out that you can black out that red gmc so it ain't red no more it's black and so now she drives a borderline murdered out because she thinks that it looks cool and she's like it's like all of her gmcs now get the blacked out thing on the front because

she's like, I just like the way it looks more than the red. I don't like that. Red. Damn. Got a nice car. Okay. That's it.

Yeah. Wait till, wait till she finds out there's a Denali version. She going to go nuts. Is that the bigger one? Nope. Same thing. The,

the, no, that is the one she has. It says Denali on the back. There you go. Yeah. That's, that's the super up trim. That's got the fancy stuff. I, that is the one she has. It says Denali on the back. There you go. Yeah, that's the super up trim. That's got the fancy

stuff. I thought that was just another Yukon. It's just a trim level. But yeah, people. Grandma's riding dirty. Jesus. She loves it. She gets those extra low extenders. I should have known, by the way. She can step up. Whenever Taylor describes dinner at his grandma's house, there's like extra... There's like

18 filet mignons extra. And they roasted two ducks or something for everyone to take home. She's like cooked $800 worth of extra food. That's a grandma car right there. Yeah, yeah. That's a grandma car? No, exactly.

It's $8,000 for the black kit? The one she had before that, it was blacked out in all those rim areas, but it was bright white, like a brilliant white Prolessan one. It's hilarious because it's my 80-year-old grandma driving around in this. Well, yeah, so my grandmother always drives GM products because they had credit cards that accumulated obscene points that correlate to discounts. And so she has.

Yeah, that's always been the thing. But what do you just to make me sleep better at night? Your children became well-adjusted members of society that have a healthy attitude towards the Internet. Yeah. Well, so the younger one, the 19 year old boy is special needs. So he's it's a different situation. And the girl, she's 23, she's like a normal, healthy person in a healthy relationship. She's a school teacher and functioning member of society.

Perfect. Well, congratulations to you. I always feel like I should be way older than your kids, like way, way older. Cause I've known you for so long but i'm like his daughter's 23 and i'm 31 like that's it's not that wildly different but yeah it's interesting like those how scandalous would that be if i'm 50 and you're 31 you're 18 years older than me okay yeah i'm 91 you're what 73 right yeah, right? Yeah. And then Kyle's 86. That's not even that scandalous. I could be your dad.

No, you wouldn't. You could totally be my dad. You can call me daddy if you want. I'm not demanding it, but you can. I wasn't planning on it until Kyle said please don't. Let's start calling Woody Pops. I don't like how you're making me call him daddy right now.

He's been Woody for a long time he's been woody since he was like 13 i think when he turns 50 8 oh when you turn 60 you got to become pops that's the deal pops isn't really like there's no 60 year old friendly nickname you lose the nickname you lose the nickname but you also gain that discount at denny's you get discounts fucking everywhere when you get old everywhere taxes probably you know i do have to be 65 65 55 55 i always lie when i order food from there i might start getting carded again that would be very like i do flattering if they're like 55 i don't know you know it'd be

funny because you just hate drinking you're like i'll have a bud light and they're like here you go and you're like never mind like you're just you're just looking to be carted i'll take a water i'm feeling a little bit cheap movie tickets when do they start i don't know i i always used to press that and i would if they ever caught me i I'd say, oh, I thought I'd press Spanish. I got a guy ticket. I tell them I'm a student. Just get in with that discount.

Yeah, you can still pull that off. No, but the girl that's with me has her card. That's it. Everyone knows that if you want to pretend to be something to get the most utility out of it, it's veteran. Yeah. Yes. Steal that valor, right?

100%. And the thing is, this is like a little known fact. It's not a crime. Stealing valor is a crime. It's a federal, like a misconception, dude.

Really? I think if they want to press the issue, like, like I'll say this. Yeah, I guess listeners go stealor and post the video. Link him to Kyle to show how it's totally legal. It's only funny

if you claim to be something absurd. But if you're just like, yeah, I was first class tailor. My buddies died. I personally killed Osama Bin Laden. I looked it up just now. Stealing Valor became a crime

in 2013 Barack Obama did it I don't like him anymore I fucking hate that dude Jesus Christ just when you were about to go don your fake Space Force uniform and walk down getting your free Slurpees at least the Space Force is real

it is real it is a strangely real thing. I think they're in Colorado, right? In Colorado? There's several locations. It's not just like the centrist. There are dozens of Space Coursers.

Their camo would look so cool if it was all black with little stars on it. Yes, it would. That would look cool. It's just you laughing, but picture it. Straight up Star Trek uniforms. I don't think you want camouflage in space.

Well, for space combat. I mean, even then, I want you to be able to recover me. Oh, we're making a military space force, and there's not going to be a Russian space force or a China space force? Well, you're the first one I'm shooting. I mean, at least they'll recover me.

I'd have to hold it on you for 60 seconds to burn. Oh my god, dude. This is what you do battle with in fucking space. There is some shit, okay? What happens if you point that at the moon? What happens if you point that at the moon? Well, the atmosphere would like disperse it so much.

Yeah, you couldn't get to the moon. They have lasers you can shoot the moon with, right? They have lasers that you can shoot the moon with because I know NASA did that thing where they bounced it off. They've got receiving posts on the moon that they left there during the Apollo missions. But I think the laser, the space laser. I lost my train of thought.

I'm definitely wearing my orange though because in sci-fi movies, one of the things that seems awful, like a terrible death, is just when they're tumbling through space in their space suit with no hope of recovery. That just seems like an awful way to die. I always have the wrong mindset.

Once death is inevitable, enjoy the ride, bro. If I'm falling off the Empire State Building, I'm not panicking the whole way down. I'm going to enjoy my final moments. And if I'm tumbling away in space, I'll be like, hey, I'm headed this way. If you can do something cool.

If you can't, you can enjoy the view. Here comes reentry. It would be terrifying. It would be like sinking toward the bottom of the ocean as everything turned black. You'd probably be spinning so fast that you'd be incredibly uncomfortable. That's the speed of spinning.

If you're just floating gently, maybe that's a pleasant way, especially if you're next to something cool to look at. If you're in the emptiness of fucking space and everything is a tiny pinpoint of light, but way over there 70 kilometers away, you can make out your friends because they're reflective.

And you're just like, on the radio. You're in deeper space than me. I always thought Earth was going to suck me in before long. No, I don't think it's going to suck you in. I think you're going to go round and round up there for a long, long time. Maybe you're right.

It doesn't pull you in a little bit. Fortunately, you die of running out of air rather than all the other ways. Yeah, well, you die of abject horror. That's what you actually die of is a complete panic of your body realizing we were never meant to venture this high. Yep, we told you with that gravity. The arrogance of man. That should be called. We were never meant to fly or move

faster than 30 miles per hour for an extended period of time. Wasn't that the train thing in the late 1800s where they're like there's no way that humans are not meant to travel for 30 miles an hour more at any period of time. It might have been women. Yeah, women. They might have said that the female not meant to travel for 30 miles an hour more at any period of time. And they had to test.

Yeah, women. They might have said that the female body couldn't deal with sustained speeds of 40 miles per hour or something like that. It was nonsense. Literally, they can sleep on planes, girls. Early trains were thought to make women's uteruses

fly out. That's what it was. You show me a healthy menstruating woman at 40 miles an hour. I've seen it before. I'll show you a liar. I've seen it before, I've seen it again. Uterus popped right out of her. Took a bite out of Jim. Ran around the corner.

Attacked Smokey Joe. He was back there having his pipe. Smokey Joe. He fell off. Fell right off the corner attacked Smokey Joe he was back there having his pipe Smokey Joe he fell right off the train under the track that's right that cooter killed many a man that day the uterus would fly out like it would just like seems there was a travesty of

the train crashing and a woman's uterus flying out we've narrowed it down to a black man in a car we believe he was causing mischief in the vinyl cabin uterus flying out. We've narrowed it down to a black man in a car. We believe he was causing mischief in the vinyl cabin. Don't worry, folks. This train will be back to its white, pristine self

in no time. That's terrible. That's 1945. That's a character I've been working on. 1917. Does he just do the announcements or is he the conductor as well? Well, he does announcements 1945 train guy. That's a character I've been working on. 1917 train guy. Does he just do the announcements or is he the conductor as well? Well, he does announcements and he makes racisms.

How about that? He's a master in trains and racism. That's what you studied back in the day. Racisms? I don't think you need to study that. Dude, Al the main man Einstein,

he was known for that. He was known for his racism. He was hugely into phrenology. He actually made leaps there that weren't even close to what he did. Oh, I had a question verging upon phrenology. They always say that women don't have smaller brains, but wouldn't they just because their heads are smaller?

Well, that's a fun fact is they literally do because they are smaller than us. Yes. Yeah. Like I know like your head, for example, like I know it's full of brain. It's full of brain. It's full of brain. There's no evidence of that. There's no like void in there.

And so looking looking at it, I must imagine your brain must be several pounds. Immense. Looking at a young lady's head, how can she possibly be as intelligent as Taylor with her two-thirds of a brain? Yeah. Three-fifths.

They never are. That's black people. Thank you, Ed. Three-fifths they never are that's black people thank you ed yeah no that's the thing is that that my male brain you know it's just bigger and that is like a literal thing like it's obviously correlated to the size of your cranial capacity and so women being smaller they do have smaller brains. There's differences in brain chemistry. How do they do that? Women are dumber. All jokes aside, they can't drive, I'll admit.

But they're not dumber. They do better on SATs. They do better in school. I think there's a vast conspiracy to make us all believe that. But I've got the raw data, Woody, and they literally don't have as much. If you're actually interested, because there's a ton of data on IQ about this, is that women are more clustered towards the middle.

And so the curve of women's intelligence is more narrow and more stacked towards the average. Whereas men, there are a lot more brilliant men out there. I don't know what the fuck this is. Hang on. Do not take it down. What are we to glean from this, Zach? What are you trying to put across to us?

That men have bigger jaws? Correct. Yeah. Honestly, I'm looking at this. The women need to brush their teeth more, I'm going to be honest. I am hard scoping this picture trying to convince myself I'd rather have the female suck my dick and I'm not getting there

look at the teeth in the right look at the smaller jaw the trouble getting my unit in there the massive teeth sort of attacking dude you want the guy to suck you off that's a Steve Buscemi of ladies on the right but the guy does have the problem of that cut through the whole skull.

The female, they didn't even bother to check. No, but the guy has a hinge. He's making it more likely to see. He doesn't have a hinge. It's easy access. But anyway, Woody, what you were saying with like, so like, and this will probably make sense to you through personal experience. So like women IQ wise are more clustered around the center, more towards the average. And so there are a lot more brilliant men than there are brilliant women because men's IQ curve is more out. But there's also way more retarded idiot men than there are retarded idiot women. And so men like there are more clusters of men at the very high IQ and very low IQ than there are women in that distribution.

Interesting. I have my own theories about this, and it's not based on science. It's just my personal anecdotal information. Fun. It seems like women are a little more oriented or prone to be like obedient and rule following, which makes them thrive in an academic environment. Whereas guys maybe fuck off with all that shit. However, guys are a little more prone to just obsessively into something. So whether that be like video games or computer programming, some of those things make money

and turn into great careers. Some of them are total wastes of time. It's rare that you meet a girl who's just so invested in her hobby in the same way that almost every guy I know. At work, I'm a warehouse manager, but my real identity is this other thing

I love doing. NASCAR simulator. I've got an $8,000 rig over here, and I'm one of the top drivers in the fucking country. That's never a girl doing that it doesn't have to be like issues of interest there's all sorts of reasons like a lot of the men are just more on that way are really dabble friendly like like all the sewing crocheting whatever you can pick it up you can do it a little bit it doesn't take like i don't know the the kind of study Kyle invests into civilizations to master it. You just sort of pick it up hundreds of hours.

The thing you have to realize there with like a sewing circle is the hobby for those women isn't sewing. It's gossiping and chatting and talking about the goings on in the community because women are way more clued into that stuff than we are. They pick up those things much more astutely than we do. Like if all of us are hanging around with some autistic guy who's really into one thing, we have to talk to him about that one thing before we really fully pick up, okay, this guy's on his lane. Women pick up on that stuff pretty intrinsically. Like they socially, that is their hobby.

The other thing is almost just a- A facilitator exactly and so yeah that's one area that women are much much smarter than men is picking up on social things being able to ascertain that sort of stuff and then of course men are much smarter at is the median or the average woman smarter than the average man? I believe as far as median IQ goes, women are a slight bit lower, but it isn't a huge difference as far as I'm aware. And I could be wrong. I'm remembering this from fucking doing this in like college, 12,

13 years ago. If I recall like the, it might be the, the mean female IQ might be a tidy bit lower, might be the mean female IQ might be a tidy bit lower. Might be wrong. But the middle quartiles are for sure stronger in the women. Yes. Yeah.

If you look at the overlap of the bell curve, yeah, is what makes sense. Yeah. Like, cause there's like, how about that? Yeah.

Like, and it makes sense. Like all women reproduce evolutionarily you know like they all tend to have at least a couple children you're making a lot of assumptions here not really like evolutionarily we know that no men get pregnant we have far more like female ancestors than male ancestors in that way because it was very common throughout all of human history for the high quality men to bang multiple women yeah where. Where men can't get pregnant. Get with the times, Taylor.

You fucking bigot. You dumb cunt. I was going to play Stratego with you. You won't play Stratego with me anymore. I won't be seen in the same fucking game lobby as you anymore, you goddamn bigot.

Until every man can have a baby in this country and then kill it in the streets i will not i will not stop fighting the power and even then i will not stop because i will always move the goal line further and further forward i will never be happy thank god like me dude i'm an ally i'm an except i'm an ally like italy i'm shitty i'm a shitty ally in world war ii when my allies start losing i immediately pay i go oh well i don't know how ireland gets the pass how does that what past does ireland get they didn't they didn't join us in our battle against fascism.

Northern Ireland. We should have bombed them on our way to... Just on the way home. What have the Irish ever done to anyone? They got a few bombs left. We're heading over to Glasgow. We could have refueled in Ireland and then dropped 500 pounders back there.

It's like an IRA. I haven't heard anything negative about those guys. I just can't believe I've been on a podcast sponsored by Blue Chew and Lock and Load for three hours and we haven't talked about the fact that our president got indicted for paying a porn star.

Did he fuck her well? I don't know about that. She claims he didn't. Well, that's bullshit. Of course she claims that. Although she broke the agreement when she broke the NDA. The whole point of this was like she got paid to shut up, and now she won't shut up. That's unfair.

And they're mad because he paid her from the wrong account, not that she broke her NDA, which was the actual only shitty thing that happened there by my moral code. Counterpoint, this woman makes a living opening her mouth what did you expect yeah i mean honestly did you really expect that this porn star was gonna abide by like of course no one's watching her get laid anymore online that she's gotta try and i would be so sure I would watch a little but but I'm a little I haven't jacked off I feel like that's part

of American history now I should I really hope nothing happens to Trump because I have bets concerning this matter long stay I have I have a series of long standing so far that that could collapse if he were to be arrested like all of them would I have a series of longstanding bets that could collapse if he were to be arrested, like all of them would. Oh, goodness. I have various bets that he will achieve presidency or that he will achieve win the primary or that he will not go to jail.

I have a lot of different bets about Donald Trump, so I need him to beat this thing. I'm sure he's got some sway up there in New York. beat this thing. I'm sure he's got some sway up there in New York. I think his boys in the GOP will pull enough strings that this whole thing will go away. It'll be a fart in the wind, and then it'll leave a stink on all the

other nonsense that they've got going on, too. Because I just don't see them arresting him. I think it's a mistake to try and prosecute Trump for the wrong stuff, right? They're trying to get him on Facebook. It's a loose to try and prosecute Trump for the wrong stuff. They're trying to get him on payroll. It's a loose case.

Because it's not illegal to pay people to not talk. It's not a lovely thing to do. Yeah, this is about him. This is about paying with campaign funds. Exactly. Not to mention the fact that by her violating that she opens herself up to such civil damages that will undoubtedly bankrupt her at some point and she has to know that and she's talking right now saying he's got a little dick on twitter like like she yes

it's pretty great someone said that trump wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot pole and she's like yeah he used a three-inch one. I was like, all right. It's like, oh, he paid you for sex and you took it until he was done with you. And I'm like, what am I to make of all this? Sometimes I see Trump coming out looking a fool. When he sold those things, those playing cards of himself, shotily made, I thought he looked a fool.

Even though he probably made millions in an instant, I thought he looked a fool. But in this one, I think he looks like cool guy Trump. When you're telling me, like, hey, I heard Trump's in big trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had sex with a beautiful, desirable porn star, like a real bimbo.

And then he paid her to shut up about it. But she didn't, so now he's gonna be able to sue her. And I'd do it again. Now he's gonna be able to sue her. And they're all mad because he because a politician used campaign funds and not the other account, even though now he's made it right. Oh, lordy, lordy. That's such a scandal. What I wonder is what is Trump's vulnerability?

Kyle, once you use the line, it wasn't with regards to Trump, but he said you can't hurt the Incredible Hulk with radiation. Right. That's not it. You don't get him with gamma rays. I've never said that. You have. I've never said that. Don't you ever say I've said that. That's exactly how you beat the Hulk. No, no. I

can remember the context. I don't want to get into it. But yeah, you can't beat the Incredible Hulk with gamma rays. You don't get Trump by exposing that he fucks women. That's not where he's wrong. Where is he vulnerable? Cause it seems like almost everything he does. You can catch him in lies.

You can catch him not saying what he means. You can, he'll tell the people like if Trump were to say he hates his own base, I think they'd love it. That thing about, I could shoot a guy on fifth Avenue and they'd still vote for me is true. What does turn off a voter's car? The movie was a gun owner.

If he shot a guy, I think his numbers would go up. His numbers would go up if he shot a guy. Yeah, they would. I just did it. The only shit tonight is somebody positively famous.

So The Rock beats him, right? Because he's both famous and in a positive way. But you can't beat him less famous. I don't know. You can split him. You can split him ideologically with DeSantis or anything else. And I think that's what happens, unfortunately, is that it just creates so much noise

that the Republican primaries are a total mess, which is inevitably what's going to happen. It might be. It's going to be entertaining. I love Trump when he's doing his thing. When Trump is debating against politicians, that is when I love Trump. All the other Trump is kind of just for shits and giggles,

and it's funny here and there but he shines when those fake ass politicians have to sit on a stage against donald trump who is whatever he is he's not what they are he's funny he's a different thing than they are and and he's not our thing but he's not their thing either and it's fun to see him up there oh yeah real tough guy Ted yeah you're a tough guy he's emasculating this fucking guy Ned you're a real tough guy as far as I remember

and correct me if I'm wrong your father is the Zodiac Killer oh it was Jeb Jeb's trying to like Jeb you're a homo and I don't like you and that's basically what he did to Jeb Jeb. He was telling Jeb's trying to like, oh, we did. He's trying to like, Jeb, you're a homo and I don't like you. And that's basically what he did to Jeb. Jeb came out there. I'm high energy. I'm not. I'm a good guy.

And he fucking humiliated Jeb. Jeb! With his fucking exclamation point at the end. Like that was there was nothing more satisfying like watching Trump in in 2015. Watching Trump absolutely humiliate a Bush.

I loved that so much. Just like Jeb Bush out there, fucking entitled piece of garbage, thinking that it's his turn. No, it's either my turn or Hillary's turn. That's why he wants the fucking establishment people. And then Trump goes in and is like, you're gay and I don't like you and you're a loser. And he's like well can someone please clap that's a big part of why he won because people knew that oh if he did that to jeb and and ted and marco rubio we knew that to hillary is hillary gonna have to sit there

and take his jabs is he gonna insult her appearance what is he gonna say you know like you had to see it i didn't care that he that it was over who gets the nukes i wish that he would have went further and was like i'm a guy i mean i'm a hollywood guy everyone knows what that means it means i've sucked a gawk i've sucked more gawk than hillary i know how to pleasure a man believe me i know how to pleasure a man better than she does my god my god like just that kind of thing would be hilarious i don't recall trump trump are you saying you're gay yes same way that he's wearing a rainbow suit the whole day long he was pretty boring and he always seemed to get like second and third in those republican

debates and i remember the moment where jeb like stood up to him and you know tried and and trump was like oh i like this you're doing a little better. That is more energy. Good for you. Which was like a pat on the back. A little pat on the head would be a better description than he did. But it wasn't this masterful Trump owned everyone on stage. Trump never owned everyone on stage. I watched Chappelle talk about what Trump said in the debates, and it was so much better than Trump's delivery on his own. Trump is

kind of shitty on stage in these debates. Trump lost every debate he was in every time. Not true, but that's what the media afterwards says. You can go on social media and see Trump won that and then you can go on CNN and go, all the people we hired to say this said that this

is what happened. Trump absolutely humiliated people on stage many times. That's part of what endeared him to people. And part of the humiliation wasn't an astute refutation of their points politically. It was dragging them into this humiliating quagmire that he lives in. And so he by dragging Rand Paul or whoever into that is lessening them and mocking them and making it clear that, hey, this bullshit that you pretend to care a lot about, it's not really any more important than the bullshit I'm pretending to care about. Do you recall an instance where Trump ever did that? I remember when Chris Christie got Marco. Yeah, he did it to Jeb.

He did it to Hillary. He did it to Marco. He did it to Chris Christie. Well, that was 2016 Trump. 2020 Trump didn't win. 2020 Trump fucking blows. He just does whatever he's told. I'm not talking about that fucking thing.

But we get into the primary again. Now he's got to go against some Republicans. He's not going to do shit. Come on. He's already doing shit. Think of him like he's a gay kid. It's going to be a money thing. I still think he's just fucking going for money.

Taylor, just believe in him like you believe in a sports team. Okay. I do believe in the Blues, even now. sports team all right okay but believe in the blues even now yeah he needs one more chance this guy this is a guy going for coming out of retirement looking for one more championship he's trying to build a dynasty okay and and what's worse the fucking commissioners coming after him trying to put some asterisks on his name and if he doesn't win if he doesn't take the commission's job away, that's going to happen. He can't allow that to happen.

No. He won that championship. He established that. He peed in the White House on the carpet. He didn't tell anybody, but he did it. And he let it seep in. You don't get that out. You don't get him out either.

Donald Trump's a winner. He is a winner. Can't argue with that. I mean, he was the president. He's mad working Mach 10. I feel a word of that. I still need to watch that. I still need to watch that. I still need to watch the new fucking

Tom Cruise, the fly in the jet and Top Gun movie. The service is fast enough. I feel like they're milking every dollar out of it trying to get CD rentals or something. It's free on Paramount. Top Gun's free now? Well, it's...

It's been streaming for months and months. Is it the highest grossing film of all time? No. No, not even close. It's Tom Cruise's highest grossing film of all time, though. I don't know. Which is still saying something. What's the highest grossing movie of all time?

Of all time? It's one of the Avengers things, I think. I think it... Not the first Avatar? I think the corrected one is uh gone with the wind well but but oh interesting yeah i don't know they re-released avatar one i think to like take back um the thing from it is avatar one yeah and re-released it so it's kind of so avatar has one and three yeah it's titanic two because that's also james cameron 4 end game is 2 okay okay yeah for a while it was

in the uh i didn't realize the new star wars is coming out no one another one am i wrong is it like the sith awakens coming out in days what order would that be is it number 11 or i don't know if that's true i have no knowledge of of a of that i i just saw it on reddit i'm not a great source i've i'm losing interest in mandalorian it's it's looking kind of shitty um this season and like i don't know that the review people that i i like don't like it either this season of star trek is incredible though that star trek picard thing you got to get jackie turned on to it you'll like it like i know you're Star Trek is incredible though. That Star Trek Picard thing, you've got to get Jackie turned on to it. You'll like it. I know you're familiar with at least the characters' names and what they do. You know who Worf

is. It's so cool to see I don't know, 60-year-old Worf? 70-year-old Worf? I don't know. I really enjoyed it. About Star Wars. Sorry. I will say I heard an amazing theory about the Top Gun storyline for the new

one and it is that uh tom cruise maverick dies in the opening scene and the rest is his dream oh no which as you watch it kyle you'll have to uh i'll try that if that's how if that pencils because it's it it does it everybody else so there is a movie where i believe that is the case and that is um the arnold schwarzenegger movie total recall um this i i believe that that movie is all happening in his brain as he dies in the scene very early in the movie because the idea is that arnold's just a regular joe living in a futuristic earth where we have a colony on mars and he's his life is boring so he goes to this place called total recall where they just implant you with the memories of a good time and it could be like

a fantastic vacation or like they specialized in like do you want to like have the memories of being like a secret agent on mars and he's like yeah i'd to like have the memories of being like a secret agent on Mars? And he's like, yeah, I'd love to have the memories of that. And like then he goes into like a seizure. So and when he wakes up, his memory's fixed. Turns out he was a secret agent on Mars and he's got to get to Mars now. And that's that's how the movie goes. Now he goes to Mars and like does all kinds of secret agent shit on Mars, gunfights and women.

But but all that was in his head because it's literally like being programmed into him at the very beginning of the movie. They just play it like he didn't die right there in that chair and it's all not happening in his head. It's a dark way to view the movie, but it's 100% what's happened. Sure. How about that? I need to see the

new Top Gun. It's on Paramount? It's probably on Plex then. I think it's on it's on paramount it's probably on plex then i think it's on paramount yeah it's probably i love it you're like yeah how much does that cost a month you're like oh well i'll just steal that i am on so many i watch things on plex that i pay for it just because it's all in one place you guys seriously haven't you both haven't seen it i honestly haven't no and i'm i i don't know how i haven't you both haven't seen it I honestly haven't no and I'm I don't know how I haven't seen the first one

I heard I can't I can't I can't help that but but like I'm pretty dope like it was a content or I'm going to watch it very erotic I should say it's it is it is a wonderful movie I like Tom Cruise I'm sure I like it very soon it is a wonderful movie

I keep hearing it I like Tom Cruise so I'm sure I'll like it he's so sexy he's hot I love that volleyball scene hundreds of times I was like in 8th grade when that movie came out and the volleyball scene goes and it defines

what cool looks like and I am so many light years from that in 8th grade i was six years from puberty like it's fucking horrible and you know these guys are like all jacked playing volleyball shirtless i was like fuck i'll never get a girlfriend yeah eighth grade he was at no risk of being taylor's dad no no no clearly that doesn't but no woody was on the other side he was mr oh i'm worried about not hitting or no he wasn't voice cracking he was i'm not hitting puberty and i was like people are gonna notice that i'm all bearded and awkward like did you grow that beard taylor like

in eighth grade what would your beard look like uh definitely not like this, but I've said before, this guy, Phil, who was bullied ruthlessly in my eighth grade class could grow a beard and people made fun of him for being gross for having a beard in eighth grade. And I was the only other person I knew in the grade who grew a beard. And so I had my dad teach me to shave and I shaved every single morning so I wouldn't grow a beard and people would make fun of me like they did Phil and then I came back from summer in freshman year of high school and suddenly it was cool to grow a beard and I was like oh oh I can do that I was I've been lying about this for a year so I wouldn't be bullied I'm so insecure so nice so you were able to like turn it on when it was when it was

fashionable that's nice most people have yeah yeah i did get facial hair before most guys my age my son's 19 and his beard is still like coming in he's letting it grow out but it's like bald here and here there's like gaps which is exactly how mine grew in and uh and i know i keep talking about this but so he's special needs and he's a hugger and he'll always be a hugger but he's like he might be six three now he's still growing and it's so a man he's like do you need a daddy son hug and i always say yes and then he comes and hugs me and i'm absolutely the girl i put my like forehead on his collarbone. That's so sweet, dude.

That's very sweet. You do that with your son. I love that. It's Tom Brady. Oh, man. You know what you need? You need to get a little stepping stool that's like a foot tall, and you call it your hugging step. So you get it back down here.

That's where you belong, son. Yeah, he's fucking huge now he went to a birthday party for like a family we have like two families that are friends and the kids anyway so yeah and they were all just like oh my god are you still growing it's like yeah is he ever gonna stop he's huge yeah and jackie's not towering no she's five seven so i think she's like i'm the weak link in this i think that's a good woman and then six foot is for a guy my mom let me down or fucking five four that's how i lucked out is my dad's five ten but my mom was five nine that could have been a mountain of a man if he just picked a better woman.

No, you wouldn't exist. A better breeding stock. A better stock. What a horrible way to talk about people. I heard that's like a Tinder thing. Like, D1 people are like, let's make D1 babies. That's like a line people use. No, it's a thing.

I think in the black culture, I think so, yes. Ah, that's right. You haven't heard about that at your barbershop. I don't know if you guys played sports when you were children, but I grew up in this area in metro Atlanta, and I knew Scotty Pippen had an illegitimate child near me other than that i think i might have known one kid that had a professional athlete as a parent in the leagues of like non-highly competitive sports that my eight-year-old plays in

a dozen damn have at least have at least one professional athlete parent huh uh and it's you're in an elite area i don't think used by future divorcees so it's a it's a real thing i mean it like he was in one league. There were probably like six teams. Four of them were coached by former NFL players. Jesus. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, son. You're not going to be starting this year.

Jesus. Any other year. Fuck. You are double resistant for speed and coordination in this household. You might be tall, goofy, and gangly, but it ain't going to get you anywhere fast. Put that kid in the pool. I'm hearing some potential.

Height is way more useful in swimming than it is in basketball. Actually, Michael Phelps. I guess he's the only one, though. You can't let Michael Phelps be the ceiling for swimmers. You can't tell some young swimmer, you could be... No, you can't. You don't know any other one?

Ryan Swimsman. Aquaman. Jared Water. Matt. Who was the guy before... Gilligan. Gilligan. The skin. Go way back.

I played basketball growing up until I had bad enough knees that I couldn't anymore. And so I played like Dwight Howard and Josh Smith and Randolph Morris and the guys my age. But like LeBron's a year older than me, so we'd see him at tournaments and stuff. But he didn't grow until late. What did you do to your knee? I had a degenerative bone condition, so I had to have dead people's bone transplanted into my knees in high school. Oh, my God. Did you get to pick the dead person?

I did not. But you can imagine being like a high school level transplant list person. So, like, my grandmother would call and be like, I saw somebody died in the paper. Should I call and see if the knees are spoken for? Yeah. I saw, I saw an athlete died. And in fact,

it was actually a pretty narrow window of time where the preferred treatment was cadaver tissue transplants. And there was, they all came out of Florida cause they don't actually harvest bone in Georgia. And so, uh, I was,

I was filling out a credit app for this guy at lamborghini atlanta he was buying a brand new gallardo and he had a really short window of like pharmaceutical sales in georgia and he said so we had to list his previous employer and he worked for cryo life which was the tissue bank that i got my knees from yeah And I asked him, I was like, were you working there these years? He said, oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. I said, did you do bones? And he said, yeah. And I told him when I got, he's like, man, it was me and my partner. I worked a whole lot harder than him. There is like a 90% chance that I cut those knees out of the dead kid. I'm like, how about that? He bought the car. I became a swimmer.

Let me tell you, I did a sloppy job there. I can't believe you're still standing, kid. Seems like he chopped up a good kid, though. I hurt my knee the other day. I'm going to ignore it. I'm going to ignore my knee injury and uh and hope yes i call that the taxes approach you should be just like people you ignore them they go away i think it might heal

on its own um i felt i i have fallen twice this year and both both of them, I hit my knee three times. I've fallen three times this year. I think they were all dog-related falls. I have a slew of dogs. And so slipping outside on my knee, I fell down like eight steps. They were carpeted, but I was holding coffee, so I couldn't break my fall. It really ate shit.

And then I was jogging through the house and like wearing socks. And I sort of made a corner too sharp. And my feet just slid out from under me. And I just hit like knee hip elbow as hard and fast as a grown man can. And just really ate shit all three times. And now it kind of makes a pop noise every now and then. Both my shoulders pop when I lift them over my head sometimes. My right shoulder

pops if I do overhead press just right. We're going to ignore that too. It's because I do overhead presses with perfect form. That's what causes the popping. Perfect form. That's what Arnold taught us. I'll hear nothing to

sway me. It nothing to sway me. It won't sway me. You know, Taylor, I know the show's got to wrap up everything. Maybe if you go heavy with dumbbells, you'll just get the motion your body needs instead of a barbell. Just throwing it out there. Maybe.

Maybe I'll give it a go. You could buy some of those Swedish dumbbells like I've got. Oh, they're fancy. Those are those new-o-bells. The ones you shake? The ones you shake? No.

That one, yes. Yes. Kyle goes all natural with that. He just jacks guys off. Yep. Yep. Old ones. You never see a fat guy.

Takes longer. It's like hard mode. It's like hard mode because you have to get them. You have to keep them hard. Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. His old ass blood isn't ready for it. Anyway, that's a show. An online bombshell.

Like dirty 1950s stories. Yeah. What does he sound like? The viewers probably know that. This podcast has been going on for like 13 years. You think you'd do that without any jacking off? An online absolute bombshell. PKI. What the fuck does that jacking off? And on that absolute bombshell, PKA What the fuck does that dude sound like?

Fuck. Who are we doing? He's doing Clarkson. Jeremy Clarkson. He has a weird cadence in his voice. He talks from the front of his mouth. Sounded like he was eating caramels there for a second. Sounded like he was eating... Just end the show. This is fucking awful.