Painkiller Already - PKA 646 W/ AquaFPS: Onlyfans or Boxing?, The Death Of Marvel, Youth In Asia

Episode Date: May 6, 2023

pka 646 with our guest aqua fps taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lock and load real dbg.com and of course freeze pipe bunch of wonderful wonderful sponsors aqua thank you for joining us and being so patient while we worked out oh thank you for having me audio issues taylor anyway you're fine wo, whose beard is better? Oh, definitely his. His. Disagree. Look at the cloth on the front of your hair. It's ridiculous. You've got at least a solid

color. I feel like Taylor's got the beard, but Aqua may have the mustache. See, I like how I respect the dedication to that style of mustache because I like the overhang look. But having to go like every time you drink anything or eat anything like you, I feel like a goop.

Like I remember one time I didn't shave my mustache for this was like eight years ago, a long time ago. And I was really wanting to go Western with it. And I remember like I was going to order a burger at a restaurant and I decided not to because of the thought of eating it. And the second I was making those sorts of decisions based on facial hair, I ditched it. Yeah. So I noticed you guys on recording this, you're blowing right through dinner time here. Let me tell you, I was just shoveling some food into my mouth right before this show and uh eating trying to eat as fast as i could and let me tell you i uh i had to remove several objects from this before coming on the camera here it's not great thanks i think taylor's right about

dinner time i think taylor's is more coiffed but aqua's gives off more of a rustic ambiance when i see aqua's beard i think that guy knows how to build a wood burning stove of course he does that guy's axes are sharp you look like he looks like he knows how to use an axe i look like i'm a douchebag who goes axe throwing yep that's exactly what that's it i am a douchebag who goes axe throwing though it's actually pretty fun it's pretty cool yeah jackie and i did it my wife i did it yeah you're right about dinner time thing because you know these guys are east coast and so it's a little later for them they have their dinner normal time before about halfway through this show, every single Thursday, an internal argument starts about whether or not I should order food for after the show. And I'm on a bad run, boys.

I bet the past three weeks in a row, I've had a pizza waiting for me afterward. And I think a pizza or something else. By pizza, I mean something delivered. Chinese food, pizza. Pizza doesn't wait for anyone. Let's get that straight, okay? Pizza's here. Motherfucker. Alright, I'm turning to shit.

I'm done. Pizza's got like a 15 minute expiration date. No. Well, I get thin crust pizza. I'm heart healthy. Heart healthy? Tell me about your healthy pizza. I'm healthy. Low fat pepperonioni you know i i bet that's

not even a thing yeah that heart healthy meat lovers do you buy your lies do you are you i order a lot i don't think there's anything ordering it's a bad rap like oh you ordered out huh you couldn't cook you can cook the most indulgent things ever when i was just about to go to prison like the weeks before i was making these like shrimp and filet mignon and lobster bowls you know like like when i order i usually get hibachi though and it's because it's just grilled chicken and grilled steak and white rice that's what you did it's not hibachi it's not hibachi without that sinful sauce. I throw the sauce away, man. I special right

no sauce, big exclamation like I'm allergic to it or something because I can't resist it. But sriracha is like a close eighth place behind yum yum sauce. The sauce is called yum yum sauce. It's just fat. Do you order food entirely too much as well, Aqua?

Yeah. I feel bad about it too i you know maybe we shouldn't feel so bad about it but yeah i do and i always order like too much i feel like because i for two reasons one because i my eyes are bigger than my tummy most of the time i'll be honest but also um i i feel bad if i don't if i order just like one like portion like i feel like it doesn't deserve to be delivered unless it's like like i so i'll like i'll like add something else to the order and like save it for later or something oh i've done or just eat it all because i'm gross but i feel bad bad ordering a reasonable amount of food for some reason. Yeah.

Have you ever done that where you're like, I'll get two entrees and I can eat one tomorrow or later? Yeah. It's never for tomorrow or later. I usually eat both. I just look at it as a shortcut. Like one of the more disgusting, the embarrassing thing I order is this. When I can't be bothered to make dinner that hits a macro whatever,

Applebee's, believe it or not, at 1 in the morning, 2 in the morning, 1 in the morning, 2 in the morning or whatever, you can order Applebee's and you can get a sirloin steak so there's no fat on that motherfucker and a big pile of mashed potatoes with no butter

and broccoli. And it'll be at your house in 20 minutes, and it costs $13. No. And I can't beat that. I can't even buy that and cook it that cheap. And when it gets here, it's not great, but it's not gross. Kyle's winning me over. I was about to say nothing. If you buy prepared food, it's bad for you.

It always is. Everything at the restaurant I get is bad for me kyle's cracking the code a little bit here i'll there's a bunch of them like the hibachi thing is the other one like there's not too many ways to order food from place if you're gonna continue to call that contraption with no sauce on it chicken and rice i don't think we can be friends anymore all right chicken and rice i'll call it that like i i've ordered and had hibachi delivered they have that huge square plastic thing with all the different compartments and everything and the you know i don't eat the yum yum sauce either but the rice like the fried rice they include no fried rice got to be oh you don't

even treat yourself you have to have the steam i fried rice, you've broken the whole system. I know. If I said I buy pizza, but I skip out on the bread and the sauce, you'd say that's not pizza. Rice is the luxury. If you're on a restrictive diet, you're like, I get a cup and a half of rice at this meal. Can you believe it?

A cup and a half! But when you look at what a cup and a half. And when you, but when you look at what a cup and a half of rice looks like on a plate, like it's not a lot of rice. It's not. I remember when I, when I gave dirty, dirty's a friend of ours. Easy fix for that. Just measure it before you cook it. Dirty's like five foot six, maybe 150 pounds, but he was trying to get fit. And, uh, and I, I gave him this, this diet and it involves lots of rice. Like every meal, your carbohydrates are rice. And when you cook rice, it increases like three fold in volume. So one cup of uncooked rice turns into three cups of rice. It's consumable cooked rice.

And he didn't realize that. So he was eating like nine cups of rice a day. You know how rice worked? He messaged me and he was like, dude, I don't, I don't know what rice a day. You didn't know how rice worked? He messaged me and he was like, dude, I don't know what to do. You're telling me at every meal a cup of rice and I'm trying, man. I'm trying so hard. But I can only get like three quarters of the way through it.

I'm like, I don't understand, man. I'm thinking, this guy's kind of a bitch. He can't eat a little handful of rice. I've eaten out with him before. I've been to restaurants. He didn't struggle. We finally came to it. He'd been eating huge bowls of rice, just

walks full at a time with every meal. That is on him. He repeatedly stared at a salad bowl full of rice and was like, this is what Kyle wants. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of carb yeah that'll bind them up for sure one macro that matters protein fats and carbs will come

on their own just get hit your protein stay in your calorie limit i've solved dieting sometimes i mean i can hit my carb limit in a day for like a week. I can hit my carb limit in a day. That's how all the limits work, Taylor. They don't go over the course of a week. On my weekly limit in a day. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, you're absolutely right about that. But in as much as that, the carbs are the thing where you're going to have to be like,

oh, less, less, less. That's how much I get. Whereas the meat thing is always going to be more more more yeah i could have a little more it's protein and it's a whole different calorie that's better for you anyway and meat actually fills you up way better than i want to know the true science on the calories required to digest calories you know like the net caloric base. So proteins. And it makes sense. If your body has to dissolve and decombine a chunk of steak, that's harder to do to get those proteins

than it would be if you had some black beans, for example, like turned into refried beans that's basically mush. That's easy to turn into proteins, right? Yeah, as you know, something like steak, about a third of those calories are consumed consuming it if that makes sense yeah and if it's something like sugar ah that's that your body will turn all that into fat so efficiently and the tougher the steak the tougher the steak you could argue right like i burn it whenever make it like a tire i remember in the dances with wolves when they

killed the big buffalo and they cut its tongue out right there like it just died and it's now it's tongue and the guy offered and it's the best part apparently and he offers that tongue to to uh um what's his name kevin costner he's just like whoo he knows he's gonna bite it because he's got to be one of the boys but he's just fuck oh and it's just the toughest bite you've ever had imagine through a buffalo's tongue they cooked it bad i don't know i bit my own tongue a bunch of times kind of excel yeah just a topic change you know kevin costner's leaving yellowstone is he leaving or is he being asked to leave i always wonder like what the impetus is of something like that.

Is he tired of it? Because he likes that nature shit for real. I see him do all sorts of save the wilderness nonsense all the time, like speeches about Yellowstone. I think he finds Taylor Sheridan. That pronunciation is almost perfect, I think. Too hard to work with and not worth it. So he's coming back for the second half of season five.

Side note, the gap is so big. He's coming back for the second half of season five. Side note, the gap is so big it's basically season six. That's annoying. After that, he's done. With the writer's strike, I think a lot of programs are going to get lost in the shuffle. It's really damaging to a brand when you take that 18 months off

with no content out. The world moves on and forgets about you that's how i remember how hyped we were for one punch man back when that yes first season of animation came out i was i was like man this is this is some anime i like okay this is this is like anime this is like a meta anime it's all about how silly anime is and i really should i watch that one i've been trying to figure out like what's you know everybody you know a lot of people like anime and i've been trying to like figure out like which one to watch like i don't know anything about it i've never really seen it i watched dragon ball back in

the day but like is that the one one punch man well you're asking some clansmen where the the the best hip-hop joint is right now. Which he hasn't gone in that direction. What an interesting time. You were excited about an anime. We hate anime and everything they stand for. We laugh at them constantly. We have names for the people who enjoy it. I've never seen an anime I like.

I didn't watch One Punch Man. Actually, you guys recommended it to me. I watched half of the first episode until the like big lobster guy was out there and it was like there is something to me that is jarring about the aesthetic of anime that i really don't enjoy i don't like the the animation style of it i'm sure the stories are fine i don't know anything about it but that style i do not like other than pokemon in the mid 90s. And I don't even consider that an anime. You know, One Punch Man is the one that I would recommend as someone who doesn't know very much. I tried to watch a couple of them.

I've had I'm sure I've had very strong recommendations. I think someone recommends something called Bleach that I tried to watch. And there's the other one, Attack on Titan. I tried that, too. And Attack on Titan with those big dead eyed monsters. I remember I was like, was like oh okay this is the main guy this is our hero i'll follow him and then he gets chomped up like 45 minutes later like eaten alive and i was we were being paid to watch that show and we still struggled literally

yeah crunchy roll or whatever was paying us to watch that shit and we one punch man however is kind of making fun of all the tropes of anime you know how they'll go like they'll always have a higher power mode like oh i'm gonna have to super duper say on this time it's gonna be purple instead of red and you're like oh my god he's turning purple and and next week he can turn green and you'll be just as blown away. They make fun of that because one punch man is a guy named Saitama. And he just decided to be a superhero because he thought it was chill. And so he came up with this workout program. That's top secret. He only tells his sensei after most of the way through the season,

he finally divulges to his sensei what he does because one punch man is so powerful that he is what his name would suggest. He doesn't just win his fights in one punch. He destroys his enemies with one punch. There are different levels to how strong he'll hit something. At one point, he goes, full effort, one punch. And you're like, what are you talking about? You've never hit anything as hard as you could before?

And he makes a black hole right just but but it's a quick example he once saved the earth from a saddle from a what am i going for uh asteroid with a single punch finally he's gonna tell you his sensei his sensei is like a classic character from from from any character from any great story. His family's been killed, and so he is going through all these. He's been training for years to avenge them, and he's gone so far as to have pieces of his body replaced by mech parts. Like, oh, my arm wasn't good enough.

Now it's steel. Now it's as good as it can be. And so he asks Saitama, like, what do you do, master? Tell me. I'm on this mission of vengeance this tell me he said all right i'll tell you you must never divulge my secrets never master never all right every day i ran five kilometers i did 100 push-ups 100 sit-ups here's the worst part no air conditioning you can do that and that's literally what he did

and and the guy's just having a meltdown he's like fuck you you piece of shit i have walked through fire of hell with you you come up with that but that's literally what he did yeah he goes wait that's that's not even that much 100 sit-ups far. 100 sit-ups, that's all you're doing. I feel like I could do that. If you dedicated yourself, it wouldn't get you that fit. There's a guy on YouTube, and I'm sure it's been done a bunch of times, but he did it.

He was like, you know what? Next 30 days, I'm on the Saitama plan. You see him turn the thermostat off. I like that part. He joined in February. And of course, the run ends up being, it be 10k it's at least 5k a day but 10k a day begins to really weigh on you but the push-ups especially if you do like i don't know 25 25 25 they're nothing but when you get to a 10k every day just finding the time for that

shit that's pretty how many miles is that push-ups a day i think that's 25 25 25 and and you'd be fine you'd be you'd be sore every day but you it's like 10k is like four miles right i think most people listening to this would have to work up to four sets of 25 a day well i would imagine you're already in enough shape that you're aspiring to be a superhero so you wouldn't start from sluggishness and uh and uh that's where i start uh yeah you'll start from couch potato mode and go to the side to my diet i don't think i think if you're already slightly competent yeah i don't think there was a time when i thought that people were gonna become heroes i thought that we would have that like legitimately i don't mean like as a kid i mean a few years ago it seemed like superheroes were so popular in media really that i thought maybe

we'd get some vigilantes out there and my theory is this there are vigilantes out there crazy kooks if you want to call them that probably just guys in rubber suits with weaponry who are doing shit and we don't hear about it because if they reported on it, it would cause more cases. It would be like a Batman scenario where you see the Joker on TV and you're like inspired to be to be the Riddler now. And that propagates on and on. I think they're villains or heroes or both. I think there are both. I think there are definitely want to be heroes who are essentially just crazed people out there who are armed and in suits and running around

in special cars with lights on the top, claiming their horse laws. What if you want to be a villain, but you don't want to go all in to the bad? What's a good starter level villain? You mean? Something more intense than Graffiti Man.

Block Pick Man! You're not really hurting people too badly like uh like small claims court and like some some sort of gonna be a flaming bag maybe something like that yeah the prankster and they're and they're all innocent they're all at the end it's like no but we're having a good time aren't't we? You glue things together that now it's annoying for people. Doors and... Yeah, sticky stuff on doorknobs, handrails, stuff like that.

Sticky stuff. It's pretty fucked up. I'm the cart anarchist, and I go to grocery stores, and I take all the carts out, and I push them everywhere, and then I get back in my car, drive away. Then put jelly on the handle as well.

Jelly on the handle. well jelly on the handle scare everyone i steal money from the santa claus what if you knock the wheel so they all did the wiggle thing that grocery carts do right that's grocery cart bandle good that's almost too low that's almost too much petty that's too someone needs to look at our ourchief and go, this is going to take 20, 25 minutes. What superhero would you want for your city? For example, Taylor in Missouri, where things are terrible and scary and it's essentially, you know, society's falling apart. St. Louis. I'm not tearing down your homeland.

tearing down your homeland it's just a hellscape of uh of sin debauchery and um a lack of basic human principles i have my answer being implied yeah yeah it would be uh hammer man hammer man yeah so it's no no no it's in the same vein as batman because he's like, now they will know what I fear. And so he doesn't use hammers, but he is emblazoned with a hammer to show that Aqua doesn't know this. St. Louis City has a slew of, they have a hammer murder problem. People are killed with a spat of claw hammer related issues. And so if we had sort of a Batman thing with the hammerist. Which they claim are unrelated, and we come right back around to the possibility there are super villains out there and yet hammer murder after hammer murderer clearly mc hammer is that ham murderer is out there killing

people and the police don't want to want to want to talk about him there was a movie where shack i think played a superhero called steel and uh i think his weapon of choice was a big sledgehammer. Nice. Yeah. It's a cool weapon for a superhero. I think he wants the actual Batman for St. Louis. And the reason why, twofold. One, he really focuses on the neighborhood level

crime, right? So you don't want Iron Man or Superman because they're not friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, for example. But the reason I'm picking Batman over Spider-Man is the other thing that Bruce Wayne can do, which is money. People think of Bruce Wayne as the Batman that goes and catches bad guys.

They forget he's also the super wealthy guy that solves homelessness and invests in the community, improves the schools. Spider-Man can't do that. So Batman's the one you want. He's got cash and crime fighting prowess. He almost never does that, though.

He's usually using it as a flex for pussy and stuff, right? They'll be like, sir, your whores can't be naked in our fountain. He's like, ha ha, I just bought this building. That does rock. He did that. That's the Nolan Batman. He literally does that in the first movie. That's the best Batman. He has two whores with him.

Batman would go into East St. Louis in his Batmobile all confident and he'd get robbed. He'd get killed. The Wayne Foundation is constantly invested in the neighborhood. Batman's industries are the major employer

in the neighborhood. You need Batman in St. Louis. You need Bruce Wayne and Batman. I saw that there was a hero on the New York subway yesterday who choked a crazed man unconscious and I guess he just kept on choking him unconscious. I never hear good stories on

subways. Well, it depends on... Did he kill him on. Subways. I never hear good stories on subways. Well, it depends on. Did he kill him? He killed him. He killed him. The guy was crazy. He was a crazy homeless person screaming and such. So back when I did Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I used to live for this shit. In the same way that gun nuts just scour the internet for times guns were used for good.

I would scour the internet for times that rear used for good uh i would scour the internet for times that like rear naked chokes were used for good and one of the things that goes wrong a lot is when the victim is on something if they're on drugs or alcohol that guillotine choke that you've done a thousand times before it's more deadly than you expected it to be yeah so if someone like showed up at your jujitsu gym and like they'd been drinking they'd be like no get the hell out of here you you not safe or would they be like you arrogant piece of shit come on in oh that's what i wanted to have it i let so new people would show up at the gym all the time and not recognize that they're bad at grappling which is glorious they

would they'd be like all right 15 year old skinny kid go roll with that man and the child would just manhandle him and it's like okay that's our whatever four month white belt do you want to work your way up the chain would you like to go with woody next or someone who's really good not saying that me like yeah woody or someone who's really good and uh and i just i love toying with them or if somebody new had such a physical advantage maybe he's in boot camp or something that uh he's beating up on someone they he would get dealt with and it's sweet i saw a guy yeah he was beating up on a girl. Right. So this is a really sweet Mormon couple, both blue belts, both good at this.

But the, the wife, she was like this hot 115 pound woman, right? She can't beat even an untrained guy who's active duty army. And he was the, I'm sorry. She was the only person he was getting the best of.

Right. He, he'd gone around. We'd all had our turn with this freak who couldn't grapple. And then he gets to the girl and he's putting his form in her neck and just like grinding it and holding her down or whatever that's yeah because he needed a win and this is the only person he could beat the girl well read the room husband trains them too flying and he was just doing like takedown drills on this guy picking them up

putting them down and then you know the guy didn't even want to go anymore but the bell hadn't rang he's just like get up there's more and uh lessons were learned yeah that reminded me so much of we were maybe 11 years old and i guess 11 or 12 and that's the age where they allow hitting to start being a thing in ice hockey. Before that, they don't allow it because especially on ice, even a little kid can get a huge amount of speed and fuck somebody up. And by that point, I was a goalie. And so hitting was not part of my repertoire. And so I remember, though, one of the first practices where the head coach was like, all right, Taylor, you go in that net with the goalie coach.

We're doing a hitting drill. And like part of me, I was like, oh, I knew this day would come. And I do feel lonely down here by myself, like with just me and the other goalie. And I watched as he lined up this this big ex hockey playing like coach just had them skate as hard as they could, like behind the net. And he was there waiting for them. And he just knocked the shit out of them, like put them on their ass. He was the brick wall.

Yeah. He was a brick wall just to get them used to what it would feel like to run into something with no give, you know, it's not like a wall. He was putting them down in a way that wasn't going to hurt them. But I remember watching that. And so quickly being like, I, maybe I did make the right decision and being a goal yeah you want to be in

goal where it's safe it never occurred to me that you'd practice like checking or hitting in hockey for some reason i never played that or any contact sport for that matter really i played a little baseball but you know there's none of that that's that's interesting i'm shocked it was it's weird to me because it was obvious because you've got parents are in baseball right like i think the closest thing that ever came to a parent hurting a kid is the kid doesn't catch the ball and eats it i've seen that happen but in hockey a parent has to hit a kid it sounds like for the like, for the lesson to be given. So that's kind of weird because, I mean, an average parent might be very judgmental about how many newtons of force are being applied to their son in this training. Ah, that was two newtons too much, you cocksucker.

But then, like, a crazed person is just going to want to fight, right? Especially a hockey dad. Oh, you like hitting kids, do you? Let me show you how they do it over in... The fucking hoser. Let me show you how they do it in the Michelob League. The Michelob League. Yeah, it is.

I was jealous I couldn't hit, but it was also kind of nice. The best part about being goalie was also the worst part. You are in such control of the game. It felt great and also felt shitty because sometimes it was like, this was my fault. You're like everybody's little brother is a goalie.

Like, oh, did you hit our goalie? Did you get like, so if you stop in hockey, it shoots little ice like snow, right? And if you so much as snow the goalie, everyone tries to beat you up. And it's like, what? How big a pussy is your goalie that he can't get ice on him? But it is annoying, man. It's cold and it's and it gets in your eyes.

I don't like it. The disrespect alone. Sometimes then they stick there when you're covering the puck and they stick their stick under your thigh in the meaty area and they rake back and forth with like trying to give you splinters. That shit hurts. Yeah, they're mean-spirited when taylor first told me that about the fiberglass splinters in your thighs oh god that's when i wouldn't i felt the same way i felt when i heard about the varsity um football or baseball trip where they raped the kid with the coke bottle oh my god well i won't be playing high school ball then hey like you can only take so much hazing i was like i thought there'd be jock straps and running and he's like nah dude they put a coke bottle up chad's ass that kind of hazing is so upsetting

it's like how are you better friends afterboard because of that? I mean, it wasn't a modern copilot. Couldn't you have gone through something else a little? Couldn't you have? Maybe they drop you off in the middle of the woods two miles from somewhere and you have to wander back. I don't know. Something not fucking putting in your ass.

They decided to rape him on the bus instead, Taylor. This is my best friend. This is Jared. He's our all-star second line center. Used to be first line the bus instead, Taylor. This is my best friend. This is Jared. He's our all-star second-line center. Used to be first line. Now he has issues. He's got a lot of psychological problems, this guy. He would have been a great player.

He would have been a great player until he was that big. He really had potential. That was right there, fucking abuse. Jesus. So, Aqua, you only played baseball growing up? No other football? I tried to play soccer and all that. I couldn't run for a very long time. Jesus. So, Aqua, you only played baseball growing up? No other football hockey? I tried to play soccer and all that.

I just couldn't run for a very long time. It's not my thing. And basketball, I just never knew what the hell was going on. I'd just get hit in the head with a ball all the time. Soccer, too. Just hit in the face with a ball. I'm just not super aware of what a ball flying around a court is is doing it's just not it was never really my thing yeah you just didn't have an interest in that and

baseball that's all i'm good at i can i can hit the ball with a stick i can i'm good at golf too um that's about it and skateboarding i got into skateboarding and that was my thing no ball no nothing how long uh or i guess when did you start skateboarding as a young kid uh yeah like maybe like sixth or seventh grade something like that and that was like my thing like i actually did a little skateboarding today for the first time in quite a while and i suck it was horrible i i was super out of breath and like could barely jump and uh, frankly. I just don't want to hurt myself anymore.

It's just not worth it. Were you at the point that you could do tricks? Yeah, I could do... McTwists? No McTwists. I didn't do the half-pipe thing or anything. Stalefish. I'm trying to remember things from Tony Hawk 1998. These are more snowboard tricks.

I'm trying to remember things from Tony Hawk 1998. These are like more snowboard tricks. Yeah, no, I could like kickflip and like do that off of stuff, like down some stairs, like stuff like that. Nothing crazy, just a few. I grew up in the country, so there was no concrete to do those kinds of sports on. So my sports all ended up, if you couldn't do them in dirt, then I really couldn't do any of them. i remember i got a bicycle for christmas one year and i was like but what the fuck do i

do with it now like because it's like we live at the end of a dirt road we live on a dirt road with a dirt driveway and a dirt yard like like where do i go this isn't a mountain to say well there's like trails no there's not trails it wasn't a mountain bike it was a track bike i mean it was a mountain bike but like like what my little ass is gonna pedal it through the cow pasture when there's atvs and shit there was no purpose for it i just sat there and rusted away yeah that's literally just for exercise and you're a kid you don't need it you got a basketball hoop and a basketball and it was like they didn't pour me a concrete pad so i'm just out there in the dirt again just like like like like poor michael jordan from the beginning of space jam like that but the version that didn't try yeah that's how i see myself as the michael jackson

doesn't try yeah yeah same exact thing yeah if only you had like michael jordan's dad you know who just like pushed him along you You could have been Michael Jordan. I believe that with all my heart. Michael Jackson's dad. I believe that with all my heart. Yeah. They're known for their great dadding. They're known for not taking no for an answer from their kids.

I want a normal childhood. I don't want this surgery. Shut up, Michael. Dance. Like that. Dance, you little fucker. Daddy, please don't chemically castrate me i'll turn out weird shut up you bitch he's got dollar signs in his eyes yeah that's what happened by the way he was pretty good made some great songs some excellent some of the best i what my gaming

mix is is very i don't know it doesn't Jackson heavy i mean there's some Michael Jackson and some Kanye in there it's it's it's a little controversial i like that stuff i bet that's my favorite music when i hear Billie Jean i'm like fucking snapping my fingers and dancing along put a little Chris Brown in there come up with the whole sort of like pedophile rapist Kelly as well Nazi yeah there you go i like rihanna too much to to support chris brown i really do like rihanna she's probably one of my top 10 favorite artists brown i don't know she's great he's whatever yeah yeah i don't know any of his songs i would have a very attractive lady still how old is she i don't fucking care i mean she's pregnant and gross at the super bowl

they had her up they had her all in that red jumpsuit, unzipped, suspended up in the air for some reason. So that wasn't hot at all. But last time I saw her not full of baby, she was pretty smoking. She's probably in her 30s. 35?

Right on the dot. Pretty close. You know what he feels about that? 10 years expired? Like a horse with a limp. We've talked about this before, but it always strikes me as so awful that they can't find a way

to make a horse break in its leg, not a life-ending thing. Oh, they can. It's laziness. I think the Kentucky Derby or something else is coming up, and I think four horses died last week or had to be put down. And I think that just means they fell and got bumped up, and they're like, well, that's the end of you.

I do not get it. Why can't we just suspend the horse by its belly and extract its cum and make some money? Yeah, well... Jesus Christ. Oh, please. This is my personal version of heaven. It's his version of hell?

You act like it's cruelty. Free me, human. Free me from my bonds. He rapes me every night. Every night. No! I wish to run in the meadows of my ancestors

now you're in a cage bitch run I used to fall for that anti horse propaganda as well just like you guys until I saw a video in India of an elephant with a missing leg that they very easily

attached something to the socket. And it has an enormous, heavy, load-bearing thing. And then the elephant's walking around. He's able to eat. He's able to go about his day. They throw a bunch of baby powder on it in the beginning of the day, slip it on. End of the day, they take it off. All of this stuff is possible in India for an elephant.

And we can't figure it out with horses? Nah, these fucking horse owners just, they don't care about those horses. They don't even eat them. Horse bones and how stupid horses are. I think elephants are smart enough to be ginger about their stump, whereas a horse is just going to try to jerk around and sprint

on its fiberglass leg that hasn't set yet. Maybe, but... Elephants are smarter than horses. I'm going to say that's the problem and then move along yeah i don't know enough about horse medic medical practice to debate this but what's really i can't think of any horses that i've ever i've ever liked even um the the horses at horse camp that i went to,

they were just kind of, they're like, all right, get on. There were no like friendly horses. Dude, I literally just had a brain blast, Jimmy Neutron style. You know those little dogs that lose both of their back legs and they put wheels there?

Whatever side the horse loses its leg on, you remove the other leg also to keep it alive and then you put wheels on it. Now it can go hog wild. Like a chariot. It's not going to run too fast with one leg. This is nice. I love the idea of a horse and chariot,

but you just need half a horse. Now we're making money. The brand new horse and buggy by Honda. By Honda. Honda under fire for what people are calling the most tone-deaf The cruelest

thing since the Holocaust. You can start with healthy horses. It's not a rehabilitation thing. You're just cutting horses. Maybe there's like a glue shortage that nobody knows about and they just use any excuse to kill a horse and make glue out of it or something. They eat horse in many countries.

What? They do. French. The French love horses. To eat them, I mean. I would eat horse. I bet it's great for you. You've had horse.

It's in a lot of sausages. Oh. I've never had a horse. And it's delicious. You know who eats a bunch of weird meat? China. The lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers. I saw this had a horse. It's delicious. You know who eats a bunch of weird meat? The lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers. I saw this interview with him.

I think it was on Joe Rogan or something. Funny enough, I was so intrigued by this meat situation. He eats just all this exotic meat. And only exotic meat. And really gamey, strange animals and stuff and he has like a meat supply and he just i don't think he eats anything but that if i'm remembering correctly is it a diet thing or just like a yeah it's like a diet thing he like he said he had all these problems um before like all these health things or something and he just started eating like all this weird meat and he's never felt better he feels alive and virile and so a little bit of a uh a liver king kind of

thing there yeah i guess so yeah we had a nice talk about that guy you know yeah the most obvious steroid user of all time he's not yeah like the isn't it weird when things like get so popular that it's like guys it's good but don't go that far with it like remember in like 2011 like internet was just like fucking bacon and it's like yeah bacon's great but like it's embarrassing how much you're playing into it it's it's a nice side for breakfast guys like i don't even want to drop my filet. Our good friend Harley made a whole goddamn lifestyle. And I love Harley. Love him to death. I love Harley, and I don't criticize for one nanosecond how he made his money.

Go fucking joke about bacon. I think he was in large part responsible for what Taylor's talking about, though. I think Harley changed the scope of bacon worldwide. I feel like Harley saw the bacon thing and personally ramped it up to levels that wouldn't have hit without him, but it was there without him to some extent. He's seen manners of bacon. And it's cool and everything, but I'm with Taylor. Bacon's fine.

Yeah. A good slice of hearty bacon with breakfast. Man, this is a nice little thing to have with my eggs. It's nice. Are you saying it's overrated? It's people overrate stuff that's already great. I bet it actually genuinely is. It actually is healthy as shit to eat liver.

It's nutrient-dense. It's good for you. But is it turning you into the liver king? No. It's going to be like, don't overspill it. Just be like, it's healthy, and it turning you into the liver king? Like, no. It's going to be like, just don't overspill it. Just be like, it's healthy, and it makes you feel better when you eat things that are healthy. I don't know if you should be eating all that liver, man.

That seems like a... I don't trust organ meats. I don't. You're not supposed to eat entire livers. You just have a little organ meat. Dude, chicken liver is great. It's delicious. Fried up? Yeah. I think bacon is pretty wonderful but it's rare that i've had good bacon the only good bacon i've ever had is bacon that i've made um i like it really crispy i want it to break when i bite it if i have to like tear it away like jerky you that's not bacon you're not you weren't

done cooking yet i need to hold the very end of it and if it bends it's not done yeah yeah it should it should i i'd be i'd i would prefer it blacker uh more on the blackened side than on the greasy floppy like clearly unrendered fat side like chewy shit yeah the unrendered that's good bacon to me if i can just what is unrendered fat i don't think this is a term i'm not familiar so. So rendering fat is when you melt the fat. It's a big part of cooking. And if the fat is still white, in a lot of cases, like on a steak or something, then that's unrendered fat. It's a sign that you did not achieve the internal temperature that's required to eat this. Can bacon be microwaved well?

Or is microwave bacon always shit? So we used microwave bacon in our epic mealtime video uh the one he did at my uh at my house just for expediency and because i had one oven and uh and there's we didn't have like a we had one oven and it was not going to happen so we bought a bunch it was awful it was real floppy uh it tasted closer it was more like a dog treat. I thought then it looked really processed. Like all the, all the pieces look the same and,

and bacon should be this not very uniform thing. I like when one end of it's super wide and the other end of it's super narrow because they started with a pig and they did the best they could. Yeah. I like that rather than these identical, almost like lego pieces of microwavable bacon so that shit's gross but yeah bacon most of the bacon that i've ever bought anywhere was gross but if you bake bacon and the right tray in the right oven it's fucking

great that is true yeah you have to bake it just like steaks that like that's what i would cannibalize if i was going to eat a man, I would eat his belly meat. His belly meat? Yeah, I would take his belly meat, and I would make sort of a human bacon out of it. I would slice it just like bacon, like pork belly, if you will. And then I would take the thumbs, and I would want this big chunk of muscle here. And then you use the thumb to snap it off and now you've got this little drumette

right? A bit like a lamb shank almost and you can have those wrapped in the belly fat. What kind of person would you want? You don't want someone who's too lean and you don't want a big giant fat person.

Someone who used to lift weights but has absolutely let themselves go. want someone who's too lean and you don't want a big giant fat person i think you someone who used to lift weights but has absolutely let themselves go i would find myself a pacific islander who'd been eating a lot of pineapple and uh and and and a lot of pig himself you know that's a sweet meat and uh so i think he would have a very high high fat um sweet flesh and one of those pacific islanders A Samoan man. Not like The Rock, like one of the real Samoans. He's a little chunky. That guy who sings

Somewhere over the... That huge fat guy. Israel. If you cooked him in the ground like a pig when you dug him up, oh my god. Dude, I re-listened to that song and watched

the music video at least once every couple months because it's such a great song. I almost laugh every time I see the part in the music video where to get a full profile shot of him standing, he has to be in a pool. To get him to be standing, he's in a pool.

If you need the buoyant effect of him to be standing he's in the pool and it's like if you if you need the buoyant effect of water to achieve you know standing you got problems like you know what i do with that guy you go down and get to stepping strap the pads on him put him in goal he's perfect he got hey they did an experiment on that on youtube didn't pan out yeah they took uh they took a sumo wrestler and strapped nhl pads on him and then they shot on him and it was obviously people who didn't pan out. They took a sumo wrestler and strapped NHL pads on him and then they shot on him. It was obviously people who didn't know anything about hockey because they put the wrong pads on the wrong

side of his legs, but it just reaffirmed what people who play hockey know. You couldn't track it with your eyes unless you practiced, so the sumo wrestler was there just not moving as the shots went in. They should have gone bigger. There's clearly someone big enough to stuff a hockey net. At the end, they put two people in.

Because it's, you know, you've played hockey. It's six feet wide, four feet tall. And unlike Beer League, like, the worst guy in the NHL is tremendous. Like, the biggest bruiser idiot who's seen as, like, a goober, give him enough time to shoot. And that guy can pick more. So you guys know this better than I do. But for the people at large who have good taste in sports and don't watch hockey,

I've been watching all this playoff hockey. And I saw this screenplay the other night where basically the guy wants to shoot. And so his buddy is skating between him and the goalie so the goalie can't see the guy who's shooting on him and as the back of the screener's jersey is like fluttering the puck is kind of coming through it yeah like like he he shot this puck into a hole of three-dimensional space this fucking big from 20 yards away or something like that it was insane what he did so the idea that you can get a fat guy in there and then yeah i wouldn't be able to score because i can't make the puck go where i want but jesus those guys seem to be surgeons

with the puck they just put it right wherever they want it every time when i was first learning to play and then i got better than this but when i was first learning to play ice hockey there was no goalie so they just laid a bench down in front all you had to do to score was lift the puck two feet me and all my incompetent friends were like best goalie ever it's a brick wall for 18 inches that is a hilarious thing like when you teach someone hockey for the first time is like you watch someone who knows what they're doing and they lift the puck so easy and like it's not hard because you just get the mechanics down like people get out there for the first time with a stick and they cannot

like if someone put a gun to their head was like get the puck off the fucking ice they'd be like i can't i can't they just smack at it they don't know the right angle they just hit it harder and harder the wrong way like and when i used to do that with friends, it would make me think of like, oh, this is what I look like throwing a football. It just opens my eyes where I'm like, oh, this is why if someone throws you a baseball, underhand that bad boy. Baseball, not really. But football, I have no confidence in my spiral. Underhand spiral is easy. You know what a nightmare for me is out in public and a big group of people at the park i get hit in the

chest for the football and they say throw it back i go i don't understand you give them one of these i got a bad meniscus and Sorry. I can't throw it back. It's weird, those situations. The other time, I remember being like, damn, any time that it just pops up that I'm out with friends and skating comes up in high school, what should we do? Winter day. Oh, let's go skating. It was always like,

fuck yeah. I'm going to be good at this. But then not being able to throw a football thing is pretty embarrassing. We can all drive a stick shift, right? Because I feel like that's another one that would be really embarrassing if you couldn't do that. Yeah, just move it.

You're like, hey, your truck's in the way. Oh, I've been drinking. He throws you the keys. Just move it. And you walk up and it's a manual and you don't know how. Like, can you imagine how scary that would be? Grabbing drinks from the people around you. You're asking him to move so you can leave his house like that's like i'm just imagining like that scenario exactly right you're

at a but you're at someone's house and they're parked behind you and and they're oh i'm so sorry i didn't mean to park behind you but i have been drinking here feel free to move it yourself i'm so sorry you know i want that to happen to me but tractor trailer i have never driven a tractor trailer i've seen it on youtube i think i can do it i can drive a motorcycle which is basically a stick shift i have i don't know 30 years driving an actual stick shift so that's a thing maybe 25 and um and i can drive a tractor right tractor? I have to be able to figure that out. So if, hypothetically, one of our wonderful patrons were to reach out to you and offer to let you drive their big rig, you know, from like Raleigh to Durham or whatever, you'd be down to do that, wouldn't you? I'd do that, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But would you do it in front of a bunch of other truckers who are like critical of judging you? You're right. What are you going to do? This is literally an episode of King of the Hill. The most embarrassing.

I have to honk it. Bring Colin with me. That'd be blast. I'm going to go find you a lot lizard too. There you go. That would be embarrassing. Oh yeah, you would have to. Aqua, would you get a lot lizard, too. There you go. Trucker, where? Oh, yeah, you would have to. Aqua, would you get a lot lizard so you blend it in? What's a lot lizard again?

Cross the teeth. That's a truck. Oh, okay. Yeah. And with the other truckers? Yeah. They're going to see right through. What if I end up in a sex drive?

Wait, what's that movie called? With Candy Cane? You ever see that movie? Sure. They're pretending to be like a lot lizard lot lizard i guess or something over the radio and they're like and this one guy gets really in like excited about they make up this character candy cane he's like candy cane you know i i actually know that yeah then the trucker chases him down she dick teases this truck driver via cb radio and then goes so far as to be like,

yeah, I'm at the Wavefront Motel. He shows up with a bottle of pink champagne and murders the guy that's in the room. And they're next door like, oh shit, we just got somebody murdered. And so now that guy's just stalking them across the desert. Zach probably just wrote the name of the movie.

But a huge amount of that movie is them like driving in silence and being like quiet and then like it's totally quiet on a desert road and then like a semi six feet behind him like you know you know those semis fucking right up sneaking up on you like they're so silent silent but in yellowstone there's a number of fight scenes where like like you and i are squaring off and then someone comes galloping up on a horse and takes you out for me because i needed the assist yeah and i'm like you can't horses don't sneak up on people in a gallop yeah you hear that one coming it's right now i've never i i don't think i've ever

even been in a big rig i don't think think I've been in some really big trucks that have like, like, uh, like dump trucks and, um, like, uh, those spreader trucks that spread fertilizer, those giant things. But I don't think I've ever been in an 18 wheeler. I'm so interested in those, like the cab, it's like a little apartment, you know, they like live in there for a long time. They got like internet. There's like a bed there for a long time they got like internet there's like a bed like a tv entertainment like i did i on youtube you can watch like tours of like truckers cabs and stuff it's so wild it's so cool i've been down that rabbit hole let's do it and youtube's

like this guy's interested in truckers well lucky you we're gonna give you truck tours and truck information and europe versus american trucks for the rest of your life have you ever seen the video uh it's the guy it's a black trucker and he's driving along and his camera faces back at him so you get to see you get to see him and the passenger seat and that little curtain behind him and all that shit and i think he's drifting asleep like slowly but surely like he's drifting asleep and you're watching it happen. And over the course of 10 seconds, he nods completely off, goes off road. And the truck is just flipping and bouncing.

And all of a sudden the curtain swings wide open and a naked black woman with huge titties flies out, bouncing from roof to seat roof to seat spinning around and then they come to rest and she pops up titties everywhere bald head because her shit's falling off and she's so confused and it's the funniest video i've ever seen in my life it's it's so good and no one died so it's okay yeah that's good uh Who knows what they hit, though? Probably, like, a school or something. Oh, an actual school. Yeah. I remember in the mid-'90s, like, my grandpa was trucking. And so, like, I was, like, five years old,

and I remember he let me, like, go up in one of the semis he would drive around and, like, see the cab and, like, the mattress in the back and the two big seats and all the fucking buttons. I remember seeing, like... I remember being so surprised at the number of buttons and and levers and like switches compared to like my dad's regular car that was that was something i was impressed by as a five-year-old like seeing the cockpit of

an airplane that found the fucking link that's it so good. God, I love that. God, I love that. Oh, that made my day, seeing that again just now. I was feeling pretty shitty earlier. I don't know what happened. I like to take a 30-minute nap before the show, get my energy levels up, get ramped up, have a good time with you guys.

And I woke up and had low blood sugar or something. I was just so shaky. I haven't felt like that in a long time. It was no good. You got to eat something. Have yourself a little snack, a little candy bar. Coffee. Have some juice. Oh, some juice.

I'll take that. Are you able to just go to sleep whenever you want, just like that? Yeah. No, it takes me forever to pause. God. You know what I do? So I go to... This ruins the YouTube algorithm, but I watch this youtube live stream of thunderstorms and

lightning and it turns the screen i love rain your screen goes completely black and and i've got a good sound system in my living room so i crank the volume up pretty loud i sleep in a thunderstorm that blacks out any ambient noise whatsoever you can knock on my door and eventually i'll hear it but the first two or three knocks i'm it's part of the fucking thunderstorm that i sleep in it's so loud if i want to sleep well the thing that does it for me turn the air conditioning too cold and have some nice thick blankets and i'm done that's my environment and drugs help aqua do you just lay there and just have weird thoughts and scenarios and things and just thinking about stuff all the time?

Yeah, like sometimes I just like, I don't know, like I can't just like if I need to like do something, I can't just be like, I'm a little tired. I'm going to nap like for the next 30 minutes before this thing because then i'm like i know i have to do something and if i know i have to do something there's no way i'm going to sleep but i uh you know all those things help with sleeping you know the cold room the little ambient noises all that stuff you know um but like that's not a guarantee the drugs are a guarantee that those really help for real but we have really powerful gummies and vapes from our sponsor, and they just put us to sleep. I can't take the gummies if I'm going to do anything mildly productive. I wouldn't try to play video games on the gummies.

That's too productive to be doing on gummies. Woody, I know you're a stand- ground staunch right wing kind of guy okay i think you might be you're down to stand your ground stuff as far as that goes right like like i like that that i think that i have more right wing um like issues than than you do i think i am more on the right side of a lot of issues not the correct side but the right leaning side of a lot of issues than you are. And yet I do like that. We have this purple mesh that,

that, that supersedes the party system for castle doctrine. Yeah. Thousand percent on board, but stay in your ground can also be like, you know what? I was at the gas station. I was a little bit nervous.

So I just started blasting when maybe at the gas station, if you had the ability to retreat, you should have exercised that. Should I or have to or it's murder? That's the question, right? I ask because I think it's like pornography. You know it when you see it. So it's always good when there's video evidence of these showdowns. I saw one the other day.

The dude kicked the other guy's truck. The man who owned the truck pulled out a handgun and put two in the guy's chest. That fast. Faster than I just said it. He kicked the quarter panel of this Dodge. Dude went, drew, bang, bang. And it's like, holy shit, I don't think that's standard ground. He just killed him over a quarter panel.

Then I saw this article, man convicted of murdering three boys in California after teenagers knocked on his door and exposed their buttocks at him. This guy's at home with his family and three teenagers, I think they were like 16, but they could have been younger,

12, 13 or something. They had a car. They, for whatever reason, chose him to to fuck with so they were either gonna ding dong ditch him which is when you knock on a door and run away for those who don't you know know uh or they're gonna jump in his pool you know and then jump out and you know do something like that do something silly to him well i guess they they rang the doorbell and then showed him uh their ass yeah well then they hop in their Prius and drive away.

Well, he gets in his car and chases them down at speeds over 100 miles per hour, rams their car, and it goes off the road and hits a tree, and all three of them die. And he said, first of all, I'd had over a dozen

beers before the incident began. Second of all, I feared for my family's safety. I had to go eliminate the threat. You don't know when they're coming back. I don't remember hitting them. What if his wife saw a butt? What if his children saw a butt? Yes.

What he's right. Maybe he'll be protected. I think he's going to be protected by one of those anti-drag show laws since they've exposed themselves to his children. I it'll be fun because you can yeah i doubt the texas one that that guy who posted on facebook that i may have to kill some protesters today and then he gets in his car he speeds through red lights to get to the protesters finds one holding a gun, says that he was scared for his life.

The guy never pointed his gun at him, right? Didn't even claim that he pointed his gun at him. He just starts murdering this guy who's carrying a gun at the protest. Yeah. And he was convicted of murder. But then the governor of Texas was like, yeah, we can, okay,

we're killing Black Lives Matter protesters. So, yeah, I don't like that because because where I stand on that on any issue involving guns, I'm as far in the right side of the gun ownership column as I can be. So sometimes I'll see people show like people like transsexuals with guns that are painted with the tranny flag or whatever. And they'll be like, look at this. This is what they hate the most. I'm like, oh, oh i love it so much fucking put a pussy on the end of that motherfucker make your silencer a big pussy i would love that if it puts another gun in another fucking hand you're selling me on it tell me more yeah the pussy blaster and it's great it makes queefing sounds with his whole flashlight blood hole flashlight on the end of an AR-15

is all it is it doesn't silence it yeah I love that or when they show Black Lives Matter people standing with their guns or when they show a flashback to the Black Panthers in some state capitol building all with their G3 rifles or whatever

they were I'm like yeah I love that shit yeah most gun people love guns in pretty much every context. It supersedes all my other political views. For a lot of people it does. Yeah, guns are important and they're fun. Yeah, I even support

women owning guns. What? With their husband or brother or father's permission. Inshallah. Whoa. No, I think there should be confidence. I know we're a progressive show. With their husband or brother or father's permission. Inshallah. If they can prove they don't have a clitoris, then yes, they can have a firearm.

It's one or the other, ladies. It's one or the other. That's the hard rules of Kyle. He's cruel and not fair. North Carolina's concealed carry permit involves some competence. They take you to the range and is the easiest test. You have to hit all the targets from like nine feet, but at least you know how to operate the gun and you can like pick it up

and put it down and only point it in the right direction and stuff like that. And I always thought that was a really good idea. And they also taught us the law, which wasn't completely intuitive. Like when it's okay to shoot and when you can't shoot, which has been updated since then. And I thought that was great. How do you feel about that? For concealed carry, should you have to take a course?

worse well the the issue is that concealed carry was ever even another branch of law or another way to view gun ownership or gun carry it's it's it's it's um it's it's a it's a term that that you don't even want to begin with it doesn't matter how you carry it it's that you can carry it and you shouldn't need any kind of permit whatsoever so it should be as free as a candy bar just buy it put it in your pocket carry it around everything's fine um i can't think of very many restrictions i would place on fire firearm purchases and ownership i come at it from a different place than you so you were born into an environment which was always going to make you a gun expert i was not right i got my first gun at like 35 37 something like that and uh i needed training i hired an instructor i went to the range i did that sort of stuff because i was not bored like my dad didn't have any guns we didn't have any guns in the house growing up guys like me need

to be taught some laws and you know just competence and gun handling so i thought it was a good rule set no that explains why we came on we landed on different places i definitely think it is i just don't think it should be federally mandated i think uh i i like small government so i think that um it should probably come down to your city ordinances um places of business and how they do how they do things like like i don't think a gun shop a gun shop should be it could you know offer those courses there you should you should take them it's like the motorcycle uh thing woody like you can just go get a learner's permit and start riding your fucking bike right that's what most

people do they go get a little learner's permit that they just use forever. My cousin rode a bike for years. He's never had a motorcycle license or a lesson. But we did the responsible thing. We got lessons, and we're watching YouTube videos, and we try not to kill ourselves or anybody else. But I like that we had the freedom to go the other way, to just go get the thing. I think those two things are very akin because

you are putting people at risk on the road when you're riding that motorcycle you know like you're you're you're a 600 pound missile moving 120 i mean you're right you're you're totally no i was you're partially right like i always thought that my motorcycle idiocy wasn't really putting other people at if i see and you're in your truck, I'm risking your property. I'll go that far. But unless I hit a pedestrian, the other party is probably fine.

Are you a gun guy at all, Aqua? Yeah, true. Or a motorcycle guy? I'm not really a gun guy. I've shot guns. Shot an MP5 in the desert in Las Vegas. That was cool. Was it expensive? Sometimes I go skeet shooting.

It's kind of like golf. That's fun. I like doing that. But I wouldn't call myself a gun guy, no, despite being, you know, semi-known for playing Escape from Tarkov, which, you know, a lot of gun guys like that game because of all the gun stuff in the game.

When's the next wipe? I don't know. Who knows? This wipe is not so good, I'll tell you that much. This is the least I've played since I started playing. Is it the game or is it you? Probably both. Okay.

I mean, I've heard, heard like there's all kinds of stuff i mean i'm not too involved or like knowledgeable about it but like you know between that like cheater video that came out exposing just how much cheating there is and then the sound is just like really bad and like this sounds like every white to me like every white me here the teachers are outrageous uh labs has been off limits for as long as i've ever had the game uh because that's just where the loot is so that's where the cheaters go um and then audio has been a complaint since i first got the game true do you know how much play time do you have aqua just to give everybody some perspective because a little bit over 2 000 hours 2 500 maybe not not as much as you'd think maybe

almost 3 000 yeah um yeah that's a tremendous amount i don't i don't know what i have i know i've over a thousand um it's i've wasted infinite amounts of time playing that goddamn game i played the beginning of this wipe until i got to i don't have a 43 or 44 and i usually burn out by them my number is misleadingly high like it a better question would be how many raids which i don't know the answer to but i think the game would tell you i have like 2500 hours or 35 something like that it's because i left the game on constantly to like take bitcoin out of the hideout to you know i would i would just drop by the office quickly craft some bullets or something that goes somewhere else. And all day long, I'm making money

even though I'm not really playing. So I'm averaging literally like 24 hours a day. I think I had like 300 raids or something stupid because this is the first time I played solo and when you're

waiting on people, you don't get any real playtime and it's frustrating. Yeah. That sucks about the cheaters though. I saw that video and it was really disheartening. A cheater was part of why I quit this white. I finally found my lead X for therapist and was trying to get out with it. And a cheater like flying came and got me,

you know, and ruined my ruined my life. Only seen that once or twice that's an advanced level of cheating i had a guy crazy i was camping the extract on uh interchange and a guy flies over my head and goes hey kyle my name my gamer my name on tarkov is kyle it's fbs kyle so he's like hey kyle what's up are you the real kyle and i'm like yeah yeah and it's like what it's like a real hold up in real life you know you can't do anything back because he's he's god essentially he's flying already but long story short he was like oh that's cool he's would you like some free gear and i'm like yeah i'd love

some and he's like be right back and he flies into the the map and take somebody's shit and flies back with it and like you got like one of those trained crows yeah like a train he like dumps it all out for and gives it to me and he's like i like your video blah blah blah and like i was like okay man cool you shouldn't be cheating though it's kind of ruining the game he's like hey i know right he's away he like mary poppins away dude what a sigma male that was either the beginning of of this the white that's currently going or like middle of the white before this current white i know because it was only a couple months ago um i was in the darkness on lighthouse like no one should be able to see me unless they've got the good nods or thermal so no one should be able to see me and i hear someone running up on me and i

start cooking an impact grenade and the guy goes whoa whoa whoa whoa put that away and i'm like what the fuck how does he know i have it out he can you know he's seeing me through the wall and everything he's like he's like i'm a good cheater not a bad cheater i kill cheaters and i give people their gear i just killed three you want their shit and i was like pin back in i was like honestly i just want to mark these tanks he's like no no no take this stuff i don't want it and you know it's like level six armor and like like a giselle and good shit if he killed cheaters they're gonna have good stuff yeah it takes a good guy cheater to stop a bad guy cheater that's what he said that's what he's like i hate cheaters i've had enough of it i'm gonna be a vigilante against cheaters and tarkov and that you know they should have like an internal team

that handles it called like admins or something and like they're not even cheaters because they work for it and they shut that stuff down. I guess that's not possible for Tarkov. Do they not care about the cheating? They just don't fucking care? Just whatever. I don't think they can stop. I don't think they can stop. They've altered the game. The game has been altered so many times

in order to stop the real money transactions and the cheating that I think that they legitimately want it to stop. They just can't's a couple profitable one it's a grindy game like kyle said it's profitable so the incentives to cheat are so much higher than they are in call of duty where like yeah cheating means you have like what one good game that didn't mean anything no no in this game cheating has like uh persistent pervasive what am i looking for uh like it doesn't go away it starts with a p uh permanent persistent perpetual perpetual maybe i was going for it doesn't matter anyway it has effects that go on

and on and on and it and that helps you a ton uh and then i had oh oh also it's a russian game and these russian developers are incompetent yes this is true and they just don't have like if they were they were in fucking california there'd be so many programmers you throw a rock and you hit a programmer and there's someone out there that knows how to design a game to make it harder to cheat meanwhile these russian dumb fuck cobs just dump everything in the client which is just begging to be cheated and putting you add an ovs to the end of fuck-offs to make them because they're russian yeah yeah a little racism mixed in and uh they put all the logic into the client that you have on your computer which just makes it ripe for cheating like oh is my game speed limited at you know one times normal now it's

three times normal and because it's not server side you just start going faster and all you need is a bootleg client and the thing does much better i have some background on this because minecraft is built like that also minecraft was really never meant to be a multiplayer game so people just download their own clients and they start cheating. So as the admin, you're here trying to detect like, well, you know, it's fishy that you have 12 headshots in a row. How many headshots before you call someone a cheater? You have friends who can probably get four all the time, six occasionally. Do you ban them when they get seven headshots in a row uh moving quickly

you'd think that'd be an easy one to catch well network connectivity is buggy so sometimes you know a guy jumps 100 feet and that means he's cheating sometimes it means that whether it be his fault the internet's fault or my fault as the server owner, packets got dropped. I get hit with flyhack all the time on Rust, for example. That's a good example of that. Anytime you're interacting with things that are moving in that game, boats and jumping in general in certain situations,

it'll hit you with a flyhack, and it disconnects you briefly and then connects you right back. It's such a good system. So when you're Tarkov or you're Woodycraft, you're just trying to detect behavior that's too impressive to be true. And that's

that means you let mild cheaters go. And mild cheaters are way better than honest players. Yeah. It sucks too because I love Tarkov. I love that grind. Rust too. Those are the two games where cheaters have upset me the most like like really bummed me out and ruined my evening

affects you so much in those games you know and also i want to be like hey man why don't you want to play with me like let's compete against one another on an even playing field why do you want to cheat against me that That's no fun. Yeah, and then I'd be driven to get better. That's the whole point. That's the fun part of games. Oh, I got to lose. If I played a game I was just good at, I'd quit.

If I was just the best at something, you know how awful that must be? Shroud must hate playing games. He's the best at every game. Have you ever cheated in a game? He's like one-plus man. He's lost all happiness in life. Everywhere he goes, he's headshotting things. Has Have you ever cheated in a game? He's like one plus man. He's lost all happiness in life. Everywhere he goes, he's headshotting things. Has anyone here ever cheated in a game?

Only single player ones. I'm trying to think. In Rust, we used a macro one time. But we didn't use it against people. We were using it to take oil rig and stuff like that. And it was just a thing where you would just press a button and it would try to like fix the recoil. It was buggy as shit and we didn't really use it much in Xbox borderlands.

They used to, I don't know how people did the cheat, but they would like chip their Xbox or something then side load. I don't know. But the end result is some stranger gave me a shield that was J tagging that was just ungodly good so now I can like

kill it's a single player game so I'm just killing AI but you know it was kind of fun to have this shield that made you not invincible like you had to try a little but only a little modding yeah that's like modding or like using a game shark you know on like the n64 that that's the most cheating i did and now that's fine i think like cheating isn't cheating until it's

like in an online setting or like competitive setting yeah i'll say this i can't imagine cheating in tarkov like like i would never do that. I really wouldn't. The fun part of Tarkov is that awful grind. It's about how long it takes me to get a Salewa, so when I find one, it means something. If I was just magicking up a bunch of Salewas, I wouldn't be having any fun. Did Nintendo make GameShark?

Was that their own product? I don't know. It's so interesting because just the the physical application of it you know it seems like they might have but i have no idea everything yeah everything plugged right in i remember like i saw it in like a nintendo magazine and i got one when i was at the store because i saw one and like in my head i'm like like fucking six years old. Pokemon Red had just come out, maybe seven years old. And I remember thinking, damn, they are probably not happy this is out.

As if Nintendo cared how you made them. Bowser's pissed. Yeah. They probably are scratching their heads like, how do we get around this GameShark stuff? These kids are leveling up their Pokemon without grinding. I thought of a Tarkov thing I did, and I bet you guys might be guilty too. I had an NVIDIA card.

I watched a YouTube video that told you just the best settings to help you see better, like a filter or something, maybe gamma. I don't remember how I did it. But I felt like I could see in the dark slightly better than the game wanted you to. That's just optimizing. My gamma and stuff was so goofy. I only play at night.

That's what I do. I only play at night. So I forward those settings until my whole screen is these shades of green and purple and pink. It's using those colors instead of RGB. And so you can see at night in the game. A little better than everyone else. Oh, way better. Like, I don't know how many times people just running past me.

And I'm like, motherfucker. You know, you would install the game. They're like, adjust this slider until you can barely see the shadow. Fuck you. Turn the lights on. I always do that in scary games i like to be able to see personally in games like any any in-game setting like i'll crank that shit all the way up but like i'm not one of these people to be clear but some people say like if you use anything outside of the application,

that's considered like cheating or whatever. Like I've, I've done it too in rust. Like I did the like Nvidia thing. I was like playing with someone who's like, Oh, like it was dark at night and someone was just like, Oh,

just do this with your like Nvidia settings. You'll be able to see. And I was like, I tried it. I used it for like a day and then it's just got too annoying switching back and forth oh yeah it totally helped at the time it was like a huge difference but i'm just too lazy to do shit like that oh you know what other controller ah i never thought i had a scuff controller which is kind of modded but i um rapid fire in modern warfare 2 if you worked if you put your

settings on colorblind you could see stealth bombers on the radar and i always did that like it was just a bug damn and you didn't share that huh oh i made a video about it i guess i missed that one and uhway through the Call of Duty 4 cycle, I ordered one of those modded controllers. This is before they made legitimate modded controllers. It was a regular wired controller. You could see someone had drilled a hole in the back of it. There was a new button sticking out of the back of the controller.

That was the switch to turn it on and off for rapid fire. The G3 and the deagle would just and so it was like it was like a weapons pack i saw i looked at it like dlc it was great yeah how was the recoil on those really good i mean the desert eagle was like for up close right you just spray it's 50 damage a bullet so you're shocked at them and it's fully automatic so you're just Starting at their knees. But with the G3, it was a pretty controllable, fully automatic.308, which Colt... And it was so obvious when you got killed with one.

Yeah. By the... People would be like, oh, just pull the trigger really fast. It's like, no, you don't. It literally doesn't let you... If you go as fast as you can on the g3 it doesn't actually shoot as that's because of the controller it that that was a that was a patch they put in um later at first it did there there wasn't originally a fire limiter on the semi-autos and call of duty 4 so the m the m21

uh sniper rifle was another good one because you've got a scope sniper rifle that goes the m14 with the ACOG, that was... It was okay. Kind of fun to goof around with. That was such a fun game. I'd love to run some TDM or something in COD 4. I mean, we can. I mean, they just remastered it a couple years ago.

Yeah. Talking about the cheating thing, a good example of just not actually cheating but benefiting yourself is what we did in Warhammer, where we went in and we went into like the game file changed what zoom is default and how far you can zoom and it legitimately gives you an enormous edge over people who don't have that because you can see so much more of the map but it's not considered cheating by the community at all because everyone does it yeah use the debug camera mode it's not considered cheating by the community at all, because everyone does it. Yeah, use the

debug camera mode so that you can zoom all the way fucking out, which sounds like an easy thing in an RTS. You'd be like, yeah, just zoom out. Nope, that's as high as we'll let you go. And you really want to be able to see the whole battlefield and zoom around and stuff. So yeah, changing those files really fixes that game

in a lot of ways. I watched a video yesterday it was called it was about all the changes that they've released for dark tide i was hoping that dark tide was playable now and at the end of the video he was like yep still not playable six months in i can't believe that game still where any of the changes significant no no no that's embarrassing like that would have been such a fun game to it was fun to play at first i but but you know it's a quarter of a game it's it's really frustrating i'm still liking warhammer 3 like i don't want to go to another game yeah i just need to get back on and play more but now that playoff hockey's happening i'm

i'm distracted with that too uh yeah playoff hockey man it's just such a i love it you know i i like when it's on television and i watch it yes he does i've been trying i'm impressed like in the middle of games sometimes you're like you'll kyle text and be like damn this guy's falling a lot and i'm like i'm mostly actually like i know you're joking but like the fact you said that is like he's actually watching this enough to have seen that guy eat shit a couple of times or at least enough to notice the announcer go. Hughes slipping on the blue line again. Like they had one of the worst national anthems I've ever heard at a professional sporting event. I mean, I want to say at my high school football games, we did a better job because that lady couldn't fucking sing. That was embarrassing. That was embarrassing. I like when they cut to the crowd and people just

like yeah i'm putting my hat back on yeah there's no one in the whole city who can belt it out a little better than that really yeah it was real bad but um it happens a lot i feel like just like really bad singing during the national anthem. It never sounds quite right, you know? Very rarely. They all try to put their own little flavor. The Super Bowl this year was amazing. I can't think of that guy's name, but I think I cried a little.

I think I cried a little. And they cut to some of the players, and they're crying too. There's a bunch of people crying. It was a very good rendition. It was amazing. It was one of the best I've ever heard. I don't like when they switch the people around a lot, like every single time at some events,

they have a different person singing. Like the blues found a big fat black guy who belted it out like a goddamn Titan, a King. And they were like, how about you're just the Anthem guy forever until you don't want to be the anthem guy anymore and he's like yeah and so every game for like 20 years it was this guy belting it out everybody loved him he did a great job and then you retired i like that now someone

else has had to fill in those shoes you know i like that just having a home-filled uh i wish that umpires were like that i wish that. I wish they were part of your community almost. You know? What? Yeah, the home umpires. So you'd have to have like two umpires? Like some guy going like... Yeah, you'd have a home and a visitor crew.

And it would be like a Supreme Court type situation. That's kind of fun. I like that. And they'd be held accountable. I feel like they should be held accountable at times. There should be like an overseer, a representative from the commissioner of baseball could perhaps come down and split decisions.

Or maybe the crowd could cheer to change the, like, I don't know guys. Was he safe? It's like pump it up. And it's like the dial going to the 10, almost there, going back almost.

I don't know. We have to sell like 8,000 Nathan's hot dogs to get him in there for safety. i don't know we have like 8 000 nathan's hot dogs to get him in there for safety i don't know the the people in the stands can do some sort of physical challenge to represent their team which way it's all tripping to 8055 that's what you think happened get the beach ball all the way around this the crowd without hitting the ice and And it's a penalty. You guys are both baseball fans. What happens or is there a punishment for umpires who fuck up in a game?

Like if a umpire makes a genuine call, not something that like one fan base, you get screwed. Something that like the baseball community is like, that was a ball. He called it a strike. That cost the Astros the game. Maybe Astros is the wrong team. nothing ever happens as far as i know i mean the other day there was an instance where i think that i'm gonna get it wrong even though i saw it three times but the uh the catcher was throwing the ball to the umpire the umpire was throwing the ball to the catcher and the umpire thought the catcher was trying to make him look bad by not catching it or making it so he couldn't

catch it and immediately threw him out of the game when all it was was the catcher wasn't paying attention with his hand out. And it's like, dude, you just threw a guy out of the game for literally no because you misunderstood the situation and there's no there's no recompense. There's no get it back kind of thing. No, they stick by

those guys. I've never heard of anything happening. And for that matter in the UFC and in boxing where you see things that the way those sports are bet on round by round sometimes, like the live betting, it's man, it's like a criminal conspiracy.

It's like in the movie Snatch, how you get Bricktop walking out and everybody's like, what the fuck, Bricktop? You said he was going to take the time. It's like that in professional boxing. It's so akin to that that you can see it from the TV cameras. You can see it. Like some of those scorecards that come in, you don't need to be a boxing expert.

You can count punches and count punches and know the fix is in. One of the longest tenured refs in the NHL got fired like two or three years ago, maybe two years ago, because he got caught in the nhl got fired like two or three years ago maybe two years ago because he got caught in the middle of the game like everybody knows that refs like aren't 100 objective they kind of try and call it even like if they've called five things on one team they're gonna be looking for something on the other team to try and even it up and he got caught on a hot mic in the middle of the game like talking to another ref being like i gotta get one on nashville i gotta get one on nashville they've got too many over there i'm gonna get one on nashville and like

then he called a penalty on nashville and it went out and they were it was like the whole community was like yeah we kind of knew this happened but we didn't know it was like i'm god i gotta call one on nashville like something like almost to that extent and yeah he got fired like riling people on reality television up or something. So they fight or something. I empathize with his situation too. Because you're trying to keep it calm. And if one team is slashing six times in a row,

it almost makes you uncomfortable. Especially if you're at that team's home. It would be weird. I've seen whole conspiracy videos talking about how the NBA has predetermined endings and stuff. that team's home like it would be i've seen whole conspiracy videos talking about how the nba is uh has predetermined endings and stuff um and and talking about how the scores move uh together and and uh i don't i don't give a shit because you know it's not my thing the nba but but it seems like a lot of people believe that that sport is fixed i think like more than the average sport i

would say yeah didn't a couple of us get Yeah, refs have been caught fixing games recently, 2020-something. Or maybe 2010-something. Wow, in the NBA specifically? Yeah. Zach probably knows all about this. I guess NBA is it. I don't know the rules of basketball that well, but I know if you call two fouls on someone real quick,

you kind of hamstring them for the rest of the game, or maybe it's three fouls, something like that. You get five. Your sixth one throws you out of the game. If you're sitting there with two or three fouls, especially if it's only halfway in the game, then you need to start playing passively, and it's easier to score against you because you can't

take any more fouls. Then I'm sure the NBA's response was like, we got him. Like George W. Bush, like mission accomplished. We got that one guy. We took care of it. All the other refs are great. That's exactly what they did. And there's some other refs that kind of like seemed guilty also.

And, of course, fans, they dig into the stats like crazy. And they're like, man, this guy calls so many fouls against the suns it's this is a statistical anomaly i think we'll see the better teams win oh yeah like usually i don't know how they could beyond uh you know calling additional fouls like how they could fake any other like any other part of the game you know calling additional fouls like how they could fake any other like any other part of the game you know like i don't know yeah it's hard to make like you know actual gameplay intent like taking a dive or or gameplay it's like a gamer term you know what i mean basketball gameplay so like to make that look like intentionally like you know bad on purpose or like miss like taking a dive or whatever yeah they're basically just like soft constructing it

like oh this guy's doing really well you gotta just calm him down i was gonna say basketball is unique this way but i take it back it seems like every sport most fouls are in the gray area right like taylor can you hold a guy back a little bit in hockey right if i hook you with my stick and try to get a free ride there's like an instant of that that's allowed and then a little too much and it becomes not allowed so the ref could really decide to call stuff or not call stuff all game long there's opportunities to just be a little stricter and it's about consistency in that way we're like if the ref calls some like really strict tripping in game one and then he just lets him play in the second period and they're beating the hell out of each other and then like a strict uh hold in the third it's like well there's no consistency here like

you either need to establish early like you're gonna call it like real strict which i would not i would as a viewer i don't want to do that or you like let him play in the playoffs and like i watched just last night uh a player slashed another player in the back of the leg so hard that like he fell and then another player tripped the slasher and i could almost see the ref in real time be like that equals out like that all right we're gonna keep the play moving that evens out you're both bad like and then kind of kept it flowing whereas in a regular season game that probably would have been matching minors and so like as long as it's consistent I'm good in basketball when you dribble you can't hold the bottom of the ball I'm not sure if you can hold the perfect side, but it gets to be like, what's a carry is such a gray area.

You could call it almost every possession or never. And both would be kind of within the bounds of basketball. And then the step, like you're allowed, I think like one or two steps or one and a half steps after you stop dribbling. But then there's the gather step and the gather step is another gray area.

Like, was he still dribbling and gathering the ball up or was that his first step? And the way that these players have the gather so figured out, it seems like they can run in all the way from the three point line nowadays. And yeah, it's just like it's football. But at the end, it's basketball. I said it backwards. Min max for sure. but at the end it's basketball i said it backwards min max for sure like every once in a while they need to make changes in sports to like keep it in the spirit of it where they're like hey you i get

it you're gathering but dribbling is so much of what we're doing here guys like it's so it's such a key part of it like we got to make sure you're doing it scoring and basketball is up like so prior to like this week last week i think three players over 33 had ever scored 40 points in the playoffs right over 33 years old you can't get 40 that's ridiculous three people did it last week like jimmy miller steph curry and another guy that makes me feel good as a 34 year old that makes me feel pretty good it like it occurred to me that like everybody on tv you know is playing a sport and for the most part is younger than me at this point this happened a few years ago actually remember that phase yes yeah and i don't like it it's kind of tough at 30 you can convince you even though you

know you're past your physical prime there are definitely a lot of athletes having the career years at like 30 to 32, even maybe not 33. They're not their best best anymore. But 30 to 32, they have this right balance of remaining athleticism and game experience and game intelligence that they kill it. They kill it. You hit 36, and you're like, that they kill it they kill it you hit 36 and you're like yeah yeah really no one's peaking anymore yeah you're winding down yeah a couple more years if i if i really try i can do like make something happen maybe like 38 year olds

right now lebron james is having a fantastic year he's having a fantastic playoffs and he's 38 years old but when you're 38 and they're like this guy's a medical miracle can you believe he's even playing you're like oh fuck dude what i like now is like i'll check to see who like the blues are trading for and it's some guy who's like 10 months younger than me and i'm like what are we trading for this old man he's got injury history what's he doing like we trade tarasenko and i'm like thank god we got rid of that guy who's injury history mr whoo younger than me like yeah yeah it is weird and then it's at a younger age than that when you realize you're

not special right if you're like me somewhere like i had stages we talked about this last week where it was like i figured out i'm not a superhero i figured out i'm not a lesbian i figured out i'm really just a dad that's not that interesting at all you peel back that onion real quick there's just just a husk left not much you realize just a guy that likes normal things living a normal life yeah in a normal income bracket you know what that taylor swift she's pretty good she is she is that that old lady that's just liking normal things but yes yeah it is it is weird because you remember as a kid how it was every one of i remember like it was every one of my friends like number one plan was professional athlete or

or army man really that was the two I can remember of friends. Army Man or Professional Athlete. And very few have become Professional Athletes. Have any? That's impressive. If any of your childhood friends have. That's like unique, I feel like. Yeah, not real ones.

No, not like real ones who like, you could be like, yeah, watch a highlight of this guy. He made it to the show. Like, no. Did they make a career out of it for a short amount of time at all or i i knew a couple people who made a career out of it but it was the kind of career where like they made like league minimum for a bit and that was about about it but that's a good amount of money the best football player at my high school played in the nfl for some period of time five years seven years like like more than average because i think average is like two or three but uh he was never a star

and now he's what's a coaching career like if you're 50 and you make it to like linebacker coach at a d1 school, are you a good coach? Are you succeeding in your career? What if you're a linebacker coach at the pro level? I would imagine D1, that's pretty successful. It probably depends on what school, too. Georgia, that dude, he's probably getting paid well. He's the best.

If you're doing it for Southwest North Appalachian State or something, less so, like the lower tier of D1. I was saying, what he was saying, what level of success is a coach, like a defensive coordinator for Georgia? Or a defensive coordinator, what was his question, was a defensive coordinator for a D1 school in the world of sports, is that a really successful guy? And I was saying it depends on if you're Georgia's defensive coordinator

or if you're some no-name D1 school. I could be wrong here, but I thought the head coach is very often the defensive coordinator in college football. You could be right. I have no idea. That was what I thought. I don't know. I think that those guys get paid millions of dollars even if you're like the the assistant special teams coach is the guy that i'm talking about for the browns the cleveland browns that guy makes a couple million a year right

i would say a couple i thought that was a few hundred thousand i don't know if he makes a couple million good for fucking him. I would guess he makes under 400, but I'm just guessing. Oh, I don't know about NFL. That's a good, that's a good point.

I would think though, like if you're, I don't know, Georgia's offensive coordinator, like, like Georgia special teams coach, how does that guy not make like a million dollars a year or something? There's just so much goddamn money in that.

Yeah. But football is one of those sports, at least in the pros where like the guys who don't make much don't make much even compared to like the baseball the hockey the basketball guys who don't make much like league minimum and in the nfl is dog shit compared to the other major sports google said assistant special teams coach makes 400 grand no a special teams coach makes 400 grand so an assistant coach you know sports are though if you go by average like like there's there's gonna be some huge disparities because you see those guys who get i don't know

tens of millions of dollars to coach it's it's pretty great for them i guess uh did you see that law in japan it's very upsetting what What did they do? What happened in Japan? They're cracking down on upskirting. For a long time, it's been perfectly legal to go out into the world and take pictures of what you see. That's all they're doing. They're taking pictures of what they see.

Now, suddenly, they say, oh no, not that. What's next? What about the vending machines where you can buy like used underwear is that still a thing i think that was the thing that's their constitution i i only know of it because i've seen it online but i don't know if it's a thing where it's kind of like a pepsi machine or if it's like only like there's one place in kyoto that is a tourist spot for for panties yeah like you ever go to a sleazy bathroom and there's like like lube and um condoms in the in one of those old-timey quarter machines you guys don't just use soap use some high-end bathrooms that powdered soap from high school i trust japan i trust japan to do what they think is right so if

that's what their king or emperor or however they work if that's what they have an emperor yes if that's what the emperor wants woody hates it so much he's boycotting he's checked out no i think um i think that that's also a place you know where they have the women only cars on their trains, you know. From what I've heard about what trains are like. Because of the obscured photography. And the molestation. And groping.

Yeah, because people are, like, they, like, are so crammed in the train, it happens, like, more often or something. Yeah. You could, like, get robbed and be like, it's that guy! It's the guy behind me right now! Stop him! And, like, you wouldn't, like, because you've seen the videos of those Japanese guys! It's the guy behind me right now! Stop him! And you wouldn't... Because you've seen the videos of those Japanese guys...

He's got dark hair and dark eyes! He's about 5'7"! Dark hair, dark eyes, 5'6"! It's like, we're going to get him. You've seen the guys whose whole job in Japan is they wear bellhop outfits and they push people into trains. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

If you're getting groped or robbed on a Japanese train, like, how do you... Just a mysterious hand. You're just a man. Well, you stand your ground and you draw your sword. You can't... You don't know who did it even. That's the problem.

You have to start cutting. Yeah, I'm with Kyle. You'll be able to move your arms. You just need to get a few kills first. Yeah, sure. I feel like you misbehave on public transit in Japan. They're going to be

waiting for you. There's always some guy out there with a longer sword. Or somebody with an extra double katana, like Darth Maul. Oh, he had the whole... That can't be superior to a sword, right? That double-ended staff where if you touch yourself with either end, you die?

Depends on your skill level. Doesn't make it work. Darth Maul, and I have not seen that movie since it came out in about 2003. But I do remember that even at the time i was like that's stupid like if he would have had two individual swords he could have fought off both of them way easier than if he's got this static thing going cut my own leg off and like have a second yeah totally happen i just cut myself in half i'm convinced you know when he gets cut in half by qui-con or obi-wan one of them no obi-wan and he like falls down the hole it could have been you know when he gets cut in half by Qui-Con or Obi-Wan, one of them? No, Obi-Wan.

And he falls down the hole. It could have been self-inflicted. Who knows? You know, they cut the camera. It could have happened. Now, you guys remember those movies. I have not seen it in so, so, so long. Episode 1, that I remember the pod racing being very

cool. Today is May 4th, by the way. Was it cool or was it not cool? Alright, so let me say this. It wasn't cool. This is a cultural thing. We all saw the movie probably the same week, but I was getting dropped off by a friend's mom.

Taylor probably was the same. Taylor was 11. His was 11 his mom was there work and you're there with friends from work so very different viewing experiences me and a buddy are watching it versus taylor's mom's probably there like watching it with him and then and then you and your buddies i thought star wars had been talked up so much, even in 1999, that I thought of it as like they're making a new godfather. They're going back to the well from whence greatness is drawn. This will be a math. And it got to that part where they have catapults flicking these big, glowy marbles.

The retarded race of lizard people have joined the battle with the Naboo. marbles the retarded race of lizard people have joined the battle with the naboo and i couldn't understand why this was what i was watching it seemed so stupid to me when they were flicking those fucking like marbles they had catapults you know and the enemy was a whole robot enemy so you got no joy when you killed one it was nothing nothing but droids. And the droids had tanks, space tanks. Okay? Forget an M1 Abrams. They've got a space tank. And they just get mollywhopped.

It's just fucked by stupid lizard people. I met a Moondy. Yeah, as a Moondy, apparently. Yeah. And I did not think it was cool. I thought it was shit. I thought it was a kiddie movie and shit i was 13 or 12 or something and it was too kiddy for me that's every time i watch a star

wars movie i walk away with that same takeaway it's like oh i forgot this movie's for nine-year-olds that and i loved it yeah i was a nine-year-old watching it you're 100 and you know you were talking about the tank and the stupid catapults and i remember during that scene how much i loved seeing the the robot ship come down and then seeing all in organized fashion like all the gears and like the robots go like and like all of them getting out and marching in lockstep yeah i thought that was so neat but i don't you're right i probably wouldn't like it if i was a grown-up i'm like oh this pod race scene clearly lucas films is planning on a video game and they shoehorned this bullshit in here because this will be a part of the video game and this will be a part of the merchandising toy line and this whole movie is suffering i think there was a

scene in that movie where they had to like race their spaceship underwater in the they flew through the middle of our world yeah and uh and i'm like this was just like it had no real bearing on the plot it was just a visual effect silliness. I thought, though, that it was for the merchandising. I was watching it through that lens. That's the famous there's always a bigger fish scene when Qui-Gon is fleeing from one inter...

The core of this planet is apparently water. So you just float a ship submarine type thing through the middle to the other side where the white people live. And you know, that scene was cool cool that was something i liked but the whole idea of jar jar binks and and the whole thing was it was a kid's movie and it's always surprised me that adults keep going and like adults that i respect keep going and like it and and identify with those

characters somehow when they're all bad characters. The characters who claim to be wise or not, the characters who claim to be profound or not, the ones who are supposed to be warrior monks all get their dicks wet. Like, it's nonsense. It's nonsense. They've all got

bastard children floating around, not being taken care of. It's just a bunch of children flying around in space with their fucking plasma dicks out i hate it i hate it hate it hopefully they never make another one hopefully marvel and star wars just goes by the wayside and it's never a thing again and disney you know so marvel's coming out with um gardens of the galaxy soon they're saying it the Galaxy soon. They're saying it's Is it out? They're saying it's the best one since Endgame.

It took Mario Brothers off the number one spot. So Chris Pratt had to drop to second. He beat himself. It's a good week for Chris Pratt. I did hear the best Marvel movie you said? Since Endgame. Right. So it's better than

the wasp or something I don't know oh shit better than Thor number four that was awful that's the one where they made for goofy and they had the screaming goats pulling that wagon they were all in space goats man and they brought I had fat

Russell Crowe come in as Zeus he cannot do that accent yeah it was upsetting the whole thing uh i don't know i'll watch this and it's probably going to be the last marvel movie i watch i have really enjoyed the guardians of the galaxy uh movies those are the ones that are kind of i don't know i got a little heart to them with the whole father son thing and um the the music gets me every time i i use that playlist that's one of my most used playlists the guardians of the galaxy one and two playlists great good yeah i'm all about jock jams jock jams that's all that i listen to jock jams what is that

you don't remember jock jams what he knows jock jams yeah that's all that they used to play at the roller hockey rink that I the guy who owned it would just play jock jams pump up the jam and I would just be like I'm so cool I rock just skating around listening to jock jams playing it was so much

fun I can't believe you don't know jock jams you have no idea you might like jock jams I have no concept whether... Oh, okay. So you've just got a funny name for a playlist of songs that's used at sporting events?

That is effectively what it is. It's called jock jams. It's kind of like kids' bop. Ah, you know, what do you do in the military? Well, I'm a Delta 4-9-er. Fuck you! But jock jams isn't a nickname it's the name of the album it came out in 1995 so it's all like whoop there it is let me go through my vinyl collection real quick i remember when i was like when i was like six my mom used to do like working

out to like disco and i thought disco was the the peak of culture i was like fucking six years old dancing all around the house to disco like hair hair music it was great get the bgs on it's like yeah pump up the volume pump up the volume dance dance dude woody knows i'm jotting down he's gonna lace up the skates and yeah you'll run from some hammer murderers the the closest i probably have heard that because we would go um sometimes we go to anderson south carolina and uh there were two things for kids to do there there was because we weren't going to toys r us where there was a bowling and there was skating and so sometimes my dad would be like what do

you guys want to do you want to bowl or skate and and we usually didn't know we let because both seemed pretty cool and pretty fun uh if you if you if you bowled there was video games if you skated there was video games there's food at both places so uh that was two of our favorite things to do like growing up uh And I would always skate. I was pretty good at skating. Roller rink. Did they give you hockey skates or roller skates? Roller skates.

You could, you could, you could do like inline skates, but that just seemed unnecessarily hard. Yeah. Why would I want two wheels? One I could go with. It's much more stable.

Yeah. How could it be more stable than four? Like a car. You can go so much faster with the one row stable yeah how could it be more stable than four like a car you can go so much faster with the one row and it's i think it's easier it's easier to balance you remember hal in the that episode of malcolm yes yeah you can't match that level of swagger yeah you show show me some kid on rollerblades i'm not impressed at all but you show me a guy on rollerblades. I'm not impressed at all. But you show me a guy on roller skates doing cool stuff. I agree. I probably just laugh at him.

I'm imagining a 48-year-old man stepping out there, I got a brand new pair of roller skates. He's like stomping on them and stuff. Dude, he's going to skate right up to you, slap you in the mouth, and then pirouette away. That I can do.

But every time I've tried to ice skate or rollerblade, it's ended poorly. It's ended poorly. I'm horrible at that. Ice skating, my feet just fly out from under me, and I break my tailbone every time I go. I don't know how people do it. I have no balance that way. But all of my balance is this way like snowboarding and that stuff like i pick it up super fast no problem i've never tried surfing

but i want to but yeah you just need someone there who knows what they're doing to like it's funny you mentioned that because woody is an expert skater and surfer really he's really old so he's done like everything he's done the balance both ways woody has he's becoming like a swiss army uh man he's he's collecting these hobbies and becoming an expert at them i was i still think he might be heading toward vigilante territory that's why i brought it up earlier i was gauging him also jot down swiss army man is a good like name for a mini series or movie it's already a movie with daniel it is a movie name for a miniseries or movie. It's already a movie with Daniel Radcliffe. It is a movie. Yeah. Not a very good movie either.

I was arguing that Tom Cruise is an amazing human being. I was like, that guy's got like 7,000 parachute jumps. The guy's an expert motorcyclist. The guy can fly a jet plane. The guy runs at a high level. He's pretty good with his marksmanship. when he runs yeah uh what else is like amazing things he's jumping the parachuting the flying i love i don't care how crazy he is he's great i love the mission impossible movies they're awesome jackie's like he doesn't talk to his kids'm like, that's how you measure a man?

Like that? He just motorcycles. He doesn't talk to his kids. What could they possibly have to say to a man so great as him? Well, of course he doesn't talk to his kids. I need to jot that down for our next debate. His kids can't talk to him.

They're ordinary. I think that if we tried to have a beer with tom cruise i don't know how it would go honestly he's a bit of an enigma i don't have a good read on tom cruise because he's on one hand i've seen him on that stage with that mcavage guy david mcavage or something whatever the guy who runs scientology i've seen him accepting that gold medal for being a fucking weirdo and believing in Xenu. And he's so he's man, this is the shit. He's so proud of this medal. He looks prouder of that than any award you've ever seen a celebrity get.

And and but you got to juxtapose that with all the cool stuff. What he just said. He's he's really is this. I love those movies. They're really fucking good and i watched that that maverick movie the other day it was really good too he just makes amazing movies has his own jet like talk about traveled i bet this guy pops over to france when he feels like french food right he isn't he's lived an interesting and amazing life and and

kyle said how would having a beer with him go? Maybe he wouldn't want to with us. Like we're in the mid grade somewhere, right? Like we spend a lot of time talking to people who are basically professional communicators, right? Kyle's ability to tell a story, Taylor's ability, our guest, it spoils me. So when I talk to like, I don't know, some fellow dad that like Hope made a friend in middle school. And now I'm forced to hang out with that kid's parents. And they tell stories that don't have endings. Oh, my God. There's no punchline.

And then I did that. And then, you know, like those are the things that I guess I did. And it's like, oh, my God, I sat through this fucking thing. I'm hypercritical on people's ability to communicate. Tom Cruise sitting next to me would be like, oh my God, I sat through this fucking thing. I'm hypercritical on people's ability to communicate. Tom Cruise sitting next to me would be like, oh, so you rode your motorcycle 6,000 miles on a trip. That's kind of dull. That's nothing to me. Who cares?

I bet that would tickle his fancy, a little thing like that. You would be more apt to have a good conversation with Tom Cruise than Taylor or I because you have done extreme things that he has done and you have done in common to some extent. But I just think he's a person that I don't want anything to do with. I think he's probably a shitty human being. I think he's probably fucking weird.

You're going to hold that against him? Yeah, I think he's just too weird. He's in a cult. You're talking about a cult member. You say cult, I say Hollywood star. He leads a cult. It's different. He's in a cult. You're talking about a cult member. You say cult, I say... He leads a cult. It's different. He's the man. This cult has made him tons of money through ways I don't really understand. I mean, he made his own money.

I think he's their... At this point, he's like the fucking hood ornament for Tuck Scientology. You know, you actually wouldn't approach him with a beer anyway. He would never drink it. i bet he is not a beer guy you would offer him some sort of green shake you would go in as though you're always drinking green shakes and then you try and pick him up obviously i feel like i imagine taylor

offering him a beer and being like no i'm out i offer him like one of my Stevia Lemonades. That's Tom Cruise's style. Maybe. How is it? He hasn't aged. He doesn't age. He's aged. Oh my god. But for how old he actually is, he's like... You're both right. He's aged a little. I saw him in Top Gun Maverick recently, which I know was like three years ago.

We were like, hey, why isn't Val Kilmer in this? He is a little... Val Kilmer is next to dead. Why isn't his Val Kilmer in this? He is a little... Val Kilmer is next to dead. Why isn't his original love interest in this? That woman has been eating anything she wants for 25 years now, and it shows on her waistline. She has no place in Hollywood. Get the fuck out of here.

Half the cast that was in that, they can't be on the camera anymore. They're embarrassed. Tom tom cruise on the other hand has had discipline and looks amazing in his old age you know the deal with val kilmer right like like he had um throat cancer or something and lost his uh hit at the tracheotomy that's no excuse he was fat before that he's no bring that bring this picture back up this looks like this is the worst that tom cruise has ever. But it looks like he just landed from jumping. Like he just landed. And it caught him.

He has helmet hair. He's going down just a little bit. He arrived in that award show by parachute. It is interesting. He looks so much younger in Maverick. I wonder if his skin's not... That's not good lighting. You think it's steroids, though, the reason?

Steroids? I hadn't considered that. Didn't you say that? I will say a lot of bodybuilders have bad skin. Like, older ones. I don't know. Is there hormones at all? It's the tanning.

It might be the tanning, too. I don't know if it's the hormones. I promise you. People who tan, it's a tanning. It might be the tanning, too. I don't know if it's the... I promise you. People who tan, it's a huge mistake. People do it every week, you know? Not just to get a little color for the season. People who have one in their homes and are addicted to them. Howard Stern had a whack packer called Tan Mom.

You've probably heard of her outside of the Howard Stern show. She became famous for putting her baby in a tanning bed because she of her outside of the Howard Stern show. She became famous for putting her baby in a tanning bed because she wanted her baby to be tan too. I remember this story. ONA talked about this. You guys act like that's weird. You want your babies to be nerds? Show us a picture of Tan Mom, Zach.

As you can imagine, she's very tan. She's also an alcoholic, so she's great on the mic. Those two go together I recall Tanned alcohol That's when you want to consume your most alcohol Right before you get into a dry hot cylinder And then you lay there Leathery skin

I definitely I've gone to the tanning bed a bunch of times But it's always gross When you get out and there's that pool of sweat oh yeah see just a little color just a little color you know what i was right though the kid looks cool she looks like a pigment vampire and she's stealing it from the world that's like a red headed it seems like a child with like red hair and very fair skin she's like that's just put it there this

must be before she really got serious about her her forced regimen because god her skin looks like it hurts oh my god she looks like a piece of bacon you were talking about earlier holy shit yeah she's in a king ranch truck some of that her out she'd stay uh flat you know what i'm saying oh my god and this safe here is where she goes when she refuses the tanning bed Some of that hair out there stays flat. You know what I'm saying? My skin is untight. Oh my God. And this safe here is where she goes when she refuses the tanning bed.

What's that safe? That's a tanning bed. I can see the pixels. I'm not even kidding. I mean, she, that tan lady, if this was what,

15 years ago now, like she, what does that skin look like 15 years later does she look better now well she must have stopped that day again i think a lot of that was um she's giving me kind of a why so serious look like yeah i was kind of thinking the same. It looks like she's clenched her jaw so fiercely. My father. That she's broken teeth. To lock me in a tanning bed. Say you're crispy up in there. You're only pretty when you're dark.

So this is her after, I guess i guess right after the tanning fixation yeah but but that's pretty good considering you know maybe it was like bronzer or something i don't know how they came up with that picture on the right that that's that's probably a fake picture remember that show the swan where they they chopped up them ugly bitches on on fox one night oh i do remember this show now i don really, I didn't really watch it much. When I was a kid, we had real reality shows, all right? You knew that shit was real because they had surgery at the end of the episode.

Life altering surgery, all right? We had this show called The Swan where they took ugly, fat women and they like put them in front of three dudes and they're like, you're hideous. Yes, too fat to fuck. Oh, I wouldn't touch you with his cock. And then they circle all the problems with her until they run out of ink,

and then they send her off to a surgeon. And then after months of recovery, which they gloss over with a quick little Fox montage, they wheel this poor woman out on the stage, and they all applaud her for getting rid of her awful face and body uh it was great they completely changed these women's faces in some instances that's that's that's a subtle one that's a super subtle one that like they would get nose jobs breast implants full like yeah there you go that's face surgery like they would alter these women it was great

it was wow what a blast in the past i forgot their name for the lines next to the nose well on this one i'm not convinced the right one's better she looks a lot older on the right she does what was this when was this on the swan how do i know right yeah i would i would guess this came out in 2001 2002 right after 9-11 we were getting a little kooky i mean look at the glasses those are not 2023 glasses true no no they're not that's early 2000s listen to smash mouth kind of i hate those kind of glasses on people. Pretenders, fakers, stealers of valor, people with actually bad vision don't get lenses that small.

I wonder if they fixed the ears. That just looks like Katie Segal on the right, huh? Remember the wife from Married With Children, also the voice on Futurama. Yeah, that's what I know her from. Other stuff. They just made her frumpy on the left. I remember bigger swings.

I remember lots of face surgery. This one chick had a big honker of a nose, like a fucking Polack. Fucking... And they lopped that thing off and gave her like a Japanese pillow girl. In this comparison, they do. That one did.

He meant that Pollock specifically. Yeah, her in particular. Poll's always taking strays. Poor guys. All of World War II, they're getting bullied by Russia. They're getting bullied by Germany. She's always bullied. That's who should lead an anti-bullying campaign, Poland.

Poland? Poland? Yeah. Just the nation of Poland. Poland is currently building... We're so sick of it. Poland is currently building the largest army in Europe. They're going to be there in a year and a half.

Is it a good army? Is it going to be a good one? Oh, yeah. They pick the best of every country who makes arms in the West. So they're getting Korean artillery and American tanks and, uh, but you know, I ask,

cause like, can't make fun of that army, like, you know, North Korea's army where they're like, it's the biggest in the world. And it's like, yeah,

but it's like a bunch of guys, a bunch of hungry guys. Like, yeah, yeah, that's true. And a lot of artillery, the,

the, the amount of artillery pieces that North Korea has pointed at soul is seoul is staggering one of the scary um things about that despite this being world war ii tech world war one tech doesn't matter if they shoot 50 000 shells like that and as soon as they can reload 50 more thousand 50 more thousand they've just got so many and and don't imagine them out in a field somewhere they dug a goddamn hole and buried an artillery piece till just the barrel sticks out of the ground and then they make these cocksuckers live in there and that's their job is to live in there with that gun and they're just waiting on the day when the fucking 1972 soviet siren goes off and it's time to start shelling seoul it must be hard as can be to escape

North Korea because I don't feel like you hear too many stories about it. Oh, there's YouTube videos about it. I like those a lot. Yeah. People who narrowly survive six gunshots.

What a nightmare that would be. Do you see the YouTubers that take a North Korean defector and give them Skittles and shit? See what they think? You know, I think I have seen something about that. I'm watching a guy right now. Yeah, they gave him ribs and stuff like that. I'm watching a different guy right now.

He's been on Rogue, and I can't think of his name, but he does weird eats around the planet. He's the guy that wears the red bandana on his head white dude big guy and um no no and uh but more of the internet version but he uh he eats crazy shit like really disgusting things but one of the things i really liked was he takes american foods to tribes people or he takes tribes people to american foods so he's like having dinner with one of those chicks that has all the gold rings on her neck so her neck gets super long and he's giving her macaroni and cheese and pepperoni pizza and um uh tacos and stuff like that like those videos of like a colorblind person seeing color for the first time like that kind of reaction yeah that

is just like i would click on that in a second to see that it of reaction yeah that is just like i would click on that in a second to see that it was like like that is just universally interesting yeah and he's good at it so he he said don't pick up the pizza let her pick it up first let's see if it's intuitive you know how people eat pizza yeah sure enough she sort of she you know the pizza grip and she eats it from the right side and he's like look at that she knew and then it came time to eat the taco and she can't lean her head to take a bite because she got all those goddamn rings on her neck um but but her take on some of the stuff was really interesting he was like do you have junk food you know in your village she's like oh yes foods that we just eat for pleasure like bamboo shoots

and mushrooms so no he goes yeah yeah yeah yeah so have some more macaroni and cheese yeah bamboo shoots are good yeah it's not like uh oh why better she agrees and then i also saw him go around to these villages in Africa, the kinds of places where they butcher cows in the street and shit, and giving them American candies. There's this guy who has, he's butchering a pig right there. He's covered in gore. And he's like, have a ring pop.

He's like, you wear it and you eat it. And he puts the ring pop on this guy's filthy there's gore there's fat and meat from the dead animal all over his hands and he's like it tasted like grief he's like do you like it he's like meh and it goes back to butchering his pig um give him twizzlers and sour patch kids and shit like that it was it was pretty funny to see these little little tiny little african children run away from the sourness of the candy like they like a wizard had just given the poison they're looking at him they're like what have you done candy ever and they lead off with a warhead or something like that's that's a little too much

he gave this uh this one lady some gushers and and i i don't know if she was hitting on him or if she really liked those gushers because she was she was like the best thing i ever had can i have some more and he's like well you can have it and she just like grabs them all gushers are good don't don't get it twisted they're delicious when's the last unique candy actually quite recently my entire family just loves gushers it's just a thing yeah there has been a giant box of gushers uh at every uh christmas for the like the last uh several years that's almost segues into the topic. I like Gushers,

but there's a little part of me that thinks eating Gushers is gay because they explode in your mouth, right? They're dick-sucking adjacent, right? It's just a delicious little juice. Yeah, you work hard at it and you get the juice out. I understand.

You choose the night before um what's the weird things that you've ever like done or been pressured not to do because it's gay stuff i've been pressured not to do because it's gay certainly not eating gushers i don't think that's gay i got two one is umbrella and they both come from my father who's kind of a man's man like carrying umbrella that that's a little gay um and the other i one time i got in my head that like you know i'm i'm too hot i run hot everyone who's ever snuggled with me is like you're fucking a heat system in here like they and uh um it's too hot i run hot was going to wear a visor. The kind that has no... It's like a baseball cap, but it doesn't have the hat part. My dad is like, they're gay, those visors.

I'm like, the coach for Florida wears one. He's like, still gay. When you're coaching Florida, you can pick one up, queer. That's pretty much it. What haven't you done've been pressured not to do because it's gay i got the same thing on the goddamn visors dude i thought those things were sick uh it was like i was just old enough to start making clothing decisions on my own

and i had the visor was one of my early ones and uh and and then i found out that i was like the only one who'd ever seen one before, apparently just me and grandma. And hers was hers was denim, though. I got mine at the beach. It said like Salt Life or some shit on it. And it was just fucking it was not the it was not the move. But I do like the visor as a hat because I like my hair turns blonde and if it gets enough sun, which I like. And so that was a way of getting the sun on the top but not but keeping some shade and i and i remember thinking that at the beach like oh this

is great my hair is gonna still turn blonde i like that and uh and no i was just it looked i i still think of that as like a gay look that i can't do because it is it is a gay look there are a lot of things that were gay in the early 2000s though like pretty much anything everyone pretty much called everything gay back then as well you couldn't even eat pussy you couldn't even eat pussy at the time it wasn't like that's gay that's homosexual it was just what people said like oh that's gay yeah i remember my father explained to me that man colors were black and brown that all the other ones were a little gay i was like god those are all the good

colors man your dad thought a lot of stuff was gay i guess that's crazy being being dry gay every weekend this man puts on bicycle shorts he He does. That is pretty gay too. Sits his big bulge on top of that seat and pedals into the country. He's living in a glass house, wasn't he, Kyle? I'll say this. I would want my kid at every drag show we can find before I would want

them stuck in traffic behind your father thrusting along. I'm just imagining him when you really go out on a bike and you're leaning like this. Check out the calf show. That's going to be graphic as fuck. It's got to look like eggs bouncing around

and a handkerchief back there. Just fucking... This isn't something that I thought was gay, but i'm remembering back this would have been like 2003 i was like 12 years old and we went 11 or 12 2002 2003 and we went to disney world and like i was you know 11 or so so my younger brother was like nine my youngest brother's like five and my mom like gave us all

like the same outfit to wear like during the day and i didn't give a fuck i was like an 11 year old i didn't just like shorts and like uh t like like athletic shorts and uh a t like a black and silver t-shirt your colors matched though or all we're all wearing the same stuff she just bought three of the same outfits so we were matching head to toe matching well really it was just two articles of clothing and then we were in line and i'm 12 i'm like 11 or 12 years old and i'm like waiting in line with my because my mom or dad didn't want to go on the ride i guess they're getting sick and so like taylor you take them up there and go and so like i'm in line and yeah except it was like i think it was a tank top and shorts and

we were in line and there were like these teenagers and you know when you're like 12 like it's just an ethereal like they're tall they're like kind of grown-ups a bit and like they were behind us in line and this fucking prick this like 17 year old prick was like like loud enough like almost to us. So like his friends was like, oh, I hate when parents dress their kids the same. It's so gay. And I just wanted to be like, damn, I'm 12. And this is hurting my feelings right now.

And I remember. It's so she could keep up with us, you jerk. And I remember specifically in that line being like, I'm never wearing the same clothes as someone else ever again. Because I was so ashamed. It wasn't even my choice. I didn't know it was something to be ashamed of. So did any of that linger and sink in?

Like right now, right? Let's fast forward six years, right? Or make it 10. I don't care. You have a six-year-old kid, and your wife has matching outfits for the two of you are you like you know what fuck it i'm in no i'm shutting that right down no the mean teenagers at disney world are gonna bully them and they're gonna feel bad and they

won't even be able to enjoy the ride because they're gonna be sitting there going, do I look gay? They're under your protective umbrella, Taylor. No one teases your kids when you're there. Nothing like doing battle at Disneyland. I was just standing there giving head to the revolving door thing that you have to walk past, and he called me gay. I haven't been in a little while, but I love Six Flags. It's been a month it's been a while

a month? I go a lot I like Six Flags a lot but I haven't been lately is there a season pass you can get? yeah do you have it? I haven't ridden a roller coaster in forever

I would love to go to a roller coaster my favorite thing is Acrophobia it just hauls you up and drops you yeah okay i haven't ridden a roller coaster in forever i would love to go to a roller that sounds fun my favorite thing is acrophobia um it's it just hauls you up and drops you down that's all it does i don't like the grill rides as much as such a good drop acrophobia heights yeah yeah what spiders arachnophobia arachnophobia that's good movie by the way with um with uh you ever seen Arachnophobia, Taylor? Got John Goodman in it. Young John Goodman comes in.

So basically, Jeff Daniels has moved to this small town. And long story short, through a weird coincidence of things, a coffin from South America comes back to this small town containing some scary-ass spiders from this, like, you know what a cenote is?'s like a it's like a cylindrical hole in the ground that has its own ecosystem in the jungle now you've explained it yes I know it does and

oh of course it's cenote so down there they they encountered this deadly spider they bring it back to small town America it crossbreeds with our common house spider and it's just killing people all over the town it's a and then at the end john goodman comes in as the like way over the top exterminator he's got goggles and a tank on his back like a ghost buster he it's they like shoot it from down on the ground like looking up at him with fog

behind him as he steps up with his spray. So this is like a small regional issue. Yeah, the town is, well, the problem is... Not even regional. There's a big municipal problem. A moderate municipal problem. It's a couple people dying in a small town. Yeah, arachnophobia.

It's on the same scale as tragedy. More of a crisis. It's on a similar scale from what I remember as the movie with Dustin Hoffman, Outbreak. Oh yeah, with the little monkey. It's like that. Both are the same movie in my mind.

If we had to count on that to solve COVID, if Dustin Hoffman had to get on a helicopter and go track down a pet capuchin monkey, that's what it comes down to at the monkey yeah they have to find that's not what it comes down to at the end they have to find that capuchin monkey or we're all dead and yeah that's bad that's not a good movie it's like the same thing it's like a monkey in a shipping container comes from like south america or something just like the spider and then just

like spreads this virus but yeah some scary spiders didn't some spiders that are bad arrive here on bananas or something like that from south america um i would that wouldn't surprise me i know the american fire the fire ants that are here they're from south america they came over in sugar shipments i believe um you. They have no real predators here. I think down there, maybe termites and anteaters deal with them. But here, they just run rampant and sting you all up. I know people who are allergic to those

and can go anaphylactic from just fire ant bites. Damn, that sucks. I did not know that about fire ants. I want to keep an ant. I have fire ants in my yard and i have a big yard what kind of predator could i keep do you think i could sustain an anteater just milling around out there kind of cool you need some way it just whether it's not if you want

an anteater i think you'd want to feed it some sort of fancy anteater food you know you probably wouldn't want to sustain it on the natural fire ants out there. Maybe it's a supplemental to your diet, but you want to treat your anteater nice. You're going to buy one, get good ants for it. Ruffage. You'll probably be like, you got any red hot

for this lettuce, Woody? I'm really about spicy ants. This is really exciting for me. I've been wondering when you were going to go into the exotic pet stage. And I knew this sort of foray. Yeah, this little foray you're having right now into reef keepery,

that's just testing the water so that it can become sort of a not Joe Exotic exactly, but something like that. Like North Carolina is, y'all got the super majority. Freedom's coming. Except for women's rights.

I mean... So you're fine. I'm sure you can get some sort of exotic pet license and have all sorts of fauna out there. I would want a bunch of raccoons. I want a bunch of raccoons. There's a guy on YouTube that feeds him hot dogs and it's

awesome it's like this old fella he goes out to his porch and turns the light on i know i'm not joking there's 30 to 50 raccoons out there big ones and he's like who wants hot dogs and they each run up and take a with their little hands and grab a full hot dog from and and greedily run off into the forest with it it's is a possum the same thing as an opossum? Because I'm pretty sure my friend had that as a pet. North America's only marsupial. You don't want that

as a pet. Those things are ugly. They're ugly, but they're very sweet, I'm told. I think they're rabies-proof, maybe. They are, and they eat tons of ticks. My friend had no ticks. Yeah, they're rabies proof maybe they are and they eat tons of ticks and flea uh yeah they're like my friend had no ticks yeah they're he would just roll around in the woods and then come in and just lay on his bed

is so violating oh god like don't you hate like it's just a little but like maybe one summer ago i came inside and was like i had been watching tv for like two hours and i like just touched the back of my like knee crease the back of my leg and like there was one there oh it's just a feeling of like you've been hitching a ride for hours sucking drinking my blood how did you get a little parasitic you know i got tweezers and I yanked him off. How did you kill him, though? Oh, I smashed him with the tweezers and then

just rubbed him on a paper towel until it was just a bunch of little pieces. I burn them alive every time. I take it very personally that they've suckled upon my life force. So you hold them in tweezers over a flame? If I have one one it's been forever but i think i got one when we went on that trip to kurhi but they're they're in my hair and uh

and i just i just pull them the fuck out and then i burn them alive or like a lighter or something like that fuck those fuckers so good yeah i had lyme disease twice oh no yeah what happened from ticks i guess yeah did they care i don't know um yeah you just take antibiotics for like if you catch it early enough i think it can really fuck you up though if they and it's hard to diagnose too um both times it took like a few weeks for for them to figure out what the hell was wrong with me but um yeah if you just take the antibiotics for like six weeks or something like a strong one gives you diarrhea and you're you're cured. Like what what symptoms did you start having where you're like, I got to.

I just had like a just a fever and like a headache both times, which is like just enough to just ruin your life or, you know, the duration of time that you have it. And it just doesn't it kind of like comes and goes too so you think you're getting better and then like like a couple days later you just you're just sick again and they just like and you just think it's like a different illness or something and then uh yeah it kind of sucks but when you start taking the medicine you get better really fast because it's like a bacterial issue. That's how syphilis is. Yeah, Lyme disease sucks.

That's how syphilis is? Yeah. Thankfully, it wasn't that. Just Lyme. I'd rather have syphilis. Is that curable? Oh, big time. Like penicillin shot in the ass.

Oh, big time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's better. I've told these guys this story before, but like last time i had was it what was i getting that antibiotic shot for that i gave myself anyway i went for an

antibiotic shot i got i um i inject strep throat yeah something like that whatever it was i injected myself and it's a big fat shot of penicillin but i remember thinking like this will cure anything i might have penicillin such a such a great thing i i if if there was there was an end time you'd want to lay your hands on some penicillin right yeah because you anytime you got a little sniffle you just fucking hit yourself with a big wad of it how hard would it be to make it's from mushrooms right well it's from mold on bread but yeah i uh i think there's um i saw this thing the other day it's really neat on reddit someone made this card it's like the size of an index card but it has everything you would want to have if you're going back in time like if you were a time traveler going back in time it's like all the shit you'd want lots of formulas and

instructions to create things like the basics of some engineering stuff, lots of mathematical formulas and it was all in index cards. That's all a waste of time unless you can convince the first group of people you come across that you are not a witch, wizard, warlock, some form of magic man. Depends how far back you go.

Well, let's get real. Let's say you go back the year seven. Oh shit, taylor we can't even speak to these people let's say that's not a part let's say you have a thing on your throat that translates i brought my professor hawking is here who speaks aramaic no it's something you wear on your neck like future the batteries are gonna die taylor it's solar powered the wattage was different in that day. The sun.

Fine. Tell him the ozone layer was completely intact. That's how cool I am. We've seen just the language, the way it's changed. When you go back to old English, it's still kind of English, but not really. We would barely be able to understand someone in the in the 16th 15th century something like that i think have you seen that video that guy that like language expert of like english just like doing the different accent through the years some of them i don't know what that guy was saying it

was really i know it was really remarkable like there's a there's a point at like 1620 or something i'm probably getting the year it was around 1600s where you're like wild you're basically like all right i can understand what he's saying it but he's he's saying it all goofy and then just like 40 years before that 60 years like they're like 1560 and it's like oh my my God, like how frustrating would it have been to have like your grandparents in that generation and you're in the cogent and clear English one.

Obviously, that's not how it actually worked in reality, but you think about it that way. So 1620, not as far back as you can go, I think. I wonder if the new version of English, the one that's closer to us and we understand, was considered like Ebonics like you know like oh you don't speak properly you're making up this new thing like what we i know there

were periods of reformation where i mean there was a period of time when they came up with the spelling for words and and like and standardized that uh i've i've been watching this youtube channel that does ancient battles so that I was watching something about a battle between Poland and Moldova over some little valley and Taylor they had war wagons oh that's fun polish had had war wagons their wagons with guys in them with guns basically and they're kind of covered up to their chest with the wagon and they're able to look pop out and shoot and that was a big part of how the Polish won that in cavalry. But it's kind of neat because he,

we walks you through a history lesson of why the battle was fought and sort of the overarching themes. Oh, this, this Prince was mad at this King and this, the Sultan thought this, et cetera. And then he kind of breaks it,

the battle down piece by piece, moving pieces around like, uh, you know, like know, like a like a total war game or something. I like those videos a lot. We never had anything like that in school. It was like my favorite parts of history was that stuff about ancient Greece and Rome and stuff. But I feel like that was just 10th grade. Yeah, you that was one. That was the only class I've said it before in high school that like

i looked forward to was uh ancient history and it was because the teacher was genuinely good and he gave a shit and he was clearly very into this stuff like the kind of guy that like would be giving a lesson and then like go off on a tangent about the Spartans. And before you know it, he's like, we're not even going to get to the rest of the stuff I was supposed to talk about today. Because this part, it was always enjoyable. It was like, this is neat. We're going to talk about the Assyrians today.

We're going to talk about how their culture differed from this and that. And it's like, even wrapping your head around that many thousands of years ago, people still going to a little shop and having exchanges. Seeing that crazy cuneiform tablet from like 6 000 years ago that is a complaint about the wrong grade of copper being shipped and it's like the first customer service complaint and it's like yeah translated is literally like do you take me as a fool good sir and it's like that kind of thing like this is not the agreed upon copper grading had i known i would never have wasted my time nor sent noah with his riders to achieve like and like that kind of stuff yeah like this when you read something like that it's

uh it's really interesting because that's a guy just like us like that's a guy just like us who got some bad copper and the only thing that, you could plunk him down in our world and he'd do just fine. He just needs to figure out how to use an iPhone. You should do the ads, by the way. Tell everybody about Freeze Pipe and how to come more. Yes, sir.

This episode of PKA is brought to you by Freeze Pipe. Are you ready for 420? Only 11 months away. Makers of the smoothest hitting pipes, bubblers, and bongs. Freeze Pipe is running their biggest makers of the smoothest hitting pipes bubblers and bongs freeze pipe is running their biggest sale of the year going on right now until april 20 fuck man so i guess the sales probably should have gotten that new read i should have got a new read but i'm sure there's a sale still going people because this code's still gonna work at the bottom why buy a freeze pipe the secret is freezable glycerin chambers that come on every piece.

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Order today and say goodbye to harsh smoke forever so it's up to you guys to check and see if that sale's still going but if it's not use code pka for 10 off either way um like no joke um not just trying to sell pipes here but it's real good high quality glass it feels heavy uh i wouldn't do a drop test i would never but but it when i'm holding it i'm thinking 80 sure it'd make it you know what i mean like it's it's it's really thick uh glass i've had expensive pipes before that were fragile and man we all know if you're stoner you know that's not a good idea it's not if you knock this thing over i think it's going to survive and the the freezing element of it is neat and uh it's a neat conversation piece uh because you're stoned you're not going to be too creative so look at that you got your freeze pipe to talk about now

yeah it's it kyle's exactly right like if you smoke out of glass you know the feeling between like thick dense quality glass and bullshit and this is dense quality glass uh i really enjoy it i smoke out of i've got like three of their bongs now and they're all yeah they keep sending them they got like a like it sent me a shorter one a tall skinny one a tall big i use the the big giant fat boy the most because it's got the biggest freezing chamber it sounds good if you're taking my personal recommendation they're all good but i would go for the big one the big the one that's got like the triangular like traditional base and then the normal giant you know upward part that has you know eight tubes of freezable uh glycerin

in there so check it out code pk i get 10 off very high quality glass uh it's fun to get high out of after the show tonight if I give in and order a pizza, which I'm going to do, I'm going to get high with my freeze pipe. My freeze pipe is in the freezer right now. I don't just preach it. I practice it, folks. Is the bigger one a bigger pain to use than the little one? It seems like the little one would be convenient,

but I don't really know. No, like the only difference is like on the big one, the entire thing you're hitting out of goes in the freezer on that. So it's literally just like the bowl part at the bottom on the smaller one. Most of it is not the freezable part. It's just got a little freeze at the top. And so it depends on what you want. I like the big one because it's got the most surface area of the freeze.

So I think it's better to me. It depends on like how much weed you smoke at a time uh it's really about the bowl though i guess more than anything i just want a big bowl dude they've got really good bowls like the bowls are those kind that don't just have one hole in the middle they got all those smaller holes like throughout so you don't get like that fall through of shit like literally one of the first things i noticed when they shipped us the freeze pipe stuff was like, yes, I wanted some,

some good quality bowls, not the annoying ones. So check it out. Code PKA. This episode also brought to you by real DBG. Hold on to your dicks. We're going to need some parental advisory for this one. Real dbg.com has got the goods and I'm not talking about candy.

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we give every week. Uh, if you are, uh, if you don't have a high tolerance, I would really recommend you start out with a cart, uh, so you can kind of toke on it and see what, what level you like. Um,

if you decide that you're an edible guy through and through start very slow, you know, if you, if you have a high tolerance, you know what you can handle and you know, do you do you, but if you, if you are even questioning,

if you're tolerant, if it's a question are even questioning if you're telling if it's a question i'm being serious guys if it's a question in your mind like i don't know if i could handle i'll just do it pussies don't don't it's not worth not having the whole bag don't eat the whole bag you'd sleep through fucking you might not wake up work and not eat the whole bag we i want to talk remind me to talk about the prison coffee guy later let me write down prison sounds interesting yeah prison coffee guy it's good stuff i don't want to interrupt and of course as always this episode is brought to you by lock and load the premium premium ejaculation increasing supplement that

has taken the world by storm everyone's loving loving it. Everyone's talking about it. Code PKA, code jizz. You can come like a man. Stop coming like a, like a bitch. Come like a man. You want to know the sort of propulsion, the sort of volume that the,

all those inner workings down there can get churning out. And this is the ticket for it. Do you think Kyle and I just texted each other pictures of our ejaculate? No. Yes. But that's not the only way that we came to this conclusion we we got derek in the mix he said guys stop sending me pictures of this we said as part of the process he said there's so much we need to do with this there's so many potentials

and so we worked with him it's scientifically based nine pills a day folks nine easy pills a day nine nine easy pills a day nine they're actually quite big the original ones were these these are normal ass size like capsules but it's nine of them a day so so take your fucking nine pills a day or if you're not a nine pill a day boy you're still gonna get results with less than that so you do you check it out code pki or code jizz 10 off start coming like a man you know what take 18 a day no no don't take as do it take it as directed you know all right let me just say this if you take 18 a day your hair is going to fall out it will take it as directed because there's too much um i can't think of what it's called

there's something in there and your hair fall out if you take too much of it. So don't do that. Nine is the sweet spot, huh? Nine is the sweet spot. Ten is a memorable number. You will fall over dead at ten. All right. Nine.

Nine? Yes. Eight? Whoa. Let's bump it up. Ten. We dialed this cum supplement in just right. Yeah, the coffee dude. Fentanyl-style doses. We saw this video. Are we done with the thing, or there's more?

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Body by Cump Hills Pizza and Lock in the Land. That's what you need. That's all the sponsors. Prison coffee. Oh, yeah. I think it was technically jail. So in jail, you get one coffee a day. That's not exactly true.

You don't have more than one usually, but you can go to comments there and you can buy a lock. So it seemed like this guy was in a situation where he had to save them though i think they said that and so he had taken 28 instant coffees and dissolved them into hot water and drank 28 days worth of coffee and he was out of his fucking mind like a lunatic bouncing off the walls. They had to put him in like a stretcher and secure him down and he's screaming and they think it's methamphetamine. He's like

I can handle the meth. I can handle the fucking crystal methamphetamine but I can't handle the coffee. What was he like before the coffee? Was he like a mellow like laid back kind of guy or was he like meth okay it was a replacement for meth is my understanding yeah

holy shit i i've never taken anywhere near that much caffeine but uh i would think it would like hurt you like like do something like something bad would happen did you see uh there was that video that video Derek made a year or two ago where that dude had powdered caffeine. Pure powdered caffeine. He was putting caffeine into... Just powdered caffeine

into a cup of water or some juice or something to drink it. What he thought... He took five grams of caffeine. And he had a heart attack froth at the mouth and died like yeah he you can't take five grams of caffeine yeah one tenth of that is gonna that's a lot yeah i would take like half a gram of caffeine that's like you know the size of a creatine scoop yeah like it's almost scary because it's like that amount of any little powder, especially caffeine.

Internally, you should know it's an absurd amount, but looking at it, it wouldn't... Well, actually, yeah, it would totally jump out at you. Yeah. Especially if you're buying this. It would be like doing that equivalent amount of cocaine, honestly. That's so much goddamn caffeine if you drink too much water you can die yeah you know anything water sickness or whatever it's like it's an insane amount of water like you'd probably be isn't the amount of water you have to drink for the water

sickness thing like you'd have to be trying like hoping not to vomit and stuff yeah probably yeah it usually it usually happens and uh it's usually a hazing uh type thing where where these um pledges are forced to drink water and that that's how every case i've ever heard of came from that interesting yeah that makes sense i didn't know that yeah what a terrible way to pledge in like like yeah you got to drink a four gallon container of water. You die halfway through. You die. Because humans can't. We're not camels.

We're humans. Your blood gets so diluted it doesn't work anymore, basically. Yeah. You just have no electrolytes in it? I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but. Yeah. It's not going to stop us.

It doesn't work anymore. You get all bloated, I guess. I don't know. You get watery. Doesn't sound good. You start start crying you're just leaking everywhere from water what a terrible way actually how much does it hurt do you just kind of fade away as you're like you drown i imagine they're pretty drunk too you know they're probably making them drink beers as well i don't know i don't want to die like that water sickness what a bitch-ass way to die i mean i want to mock all those brave young men who died of water sickness i mean if you're gonna

what you hear more is like the fraternity like drink this whole fucking handle of bacardi and then it's like he died how surprising it's like yeah yeah you can't can't drink a handle of Bacardi. And then it's like, he died. How surprising. It's like, yeah, you can't drink a handle of liquor and not die. Remember that guy, Shoe Nice? Oh, we know him. He's on our show many, many years ago. I remember

Shoe Nice. Do you remember OG Shoe Nice? Did you watch him when he was starting out on YouTube? I did, yeah. The liquor slams and the glue and all that stuff. Yeah, I remember. Eating the whole container of caulk. Yeah, he would eat a lot of

non-edible things. I remember back then. Pine cone and some crazy shit. Yeah, we were all on a trip together, like a bunch of YouTubers, like long, long ago. And we would watch his videos together and be grossed out and just just in wonderment at how there was now a celebrity who was making six hundred dollars a video who ate cock it was like he's got it figured out man he's doing what he loves i mean he was a pioneer you know like no one else was doing that stuff

yeah and yeah and uh i think he does tiktok now and he still poisons himself basically he's on a good stretch then we're talking about shoe nice how i figured that was my guess he was like a tiktok star is he killing it there that's his platform you know i i would i would imagine so his his content would be it's real you know it's fit for that it works but people say it's not monetized well no it's not monetized well like people will get 24 million views and it makes the three dollars or something yeah i don't think those i just want to know like not how much people are making per view because the view numbers are all so skewed.

How much are people making? Is it, is a decent Tik TOK star making 30 grand a month? That would tell me more than 24 million views is worth. Not as much as a decent only fan star. Uh, that's gotta be, I don't know.

I don't know though. Like on average, I wonder what the average is so skewed that it's hard to get a real good idea. I, our boy Finn is, is killing it over there. I would guess he's making a hundred K us a month,

but, but I think that's conservative. A couple of months and that's real money. My guess is he's making like more like 120 to 150 K $150,000 a month dressing up and showing his butt. Well, Zach says $350,000. Oh, he would know better than me. Someone sent me a thing that said, I think there was a post in there that someone sent me a thing

and it had like 5,000 likes on it. I don't know how OnlyFans works, though, like how interaction works or how you even find out how many followers somebody has on there. I don't know how OnlyFans works, though, like how interaction works or how you even find out how many followers somebody has on there. I don't know where that's listed, but I just did math. 5,000 followers at 2025 month or whatever it is.

That's like 4 million a year. Plus donations, right? You don't even factor that in. There's tips on content. I wonder if he does well there. Here's my understanding of OnlyFans fans i think that if you're just getting started off a big part of your business is custom videos right you know like oh yeah i'll show you my boobs but i'll do a custom video of the thing that you think is hot about me and and whatever make a 60 secondsecond video for $15. But when you get up there, like the Finster level,

you can't do custom videos. One, there's boundaries. Two, there'd be so many people. It has to be one size fits all. He's the most successful straight man in the sexual entertainment industry. Ever. Ever.

He might be. Ron Jeremy comes to mind. Is that an actual stat? I don't know how it couldn't be. Ron Jeremy comes to mind, but he's in prison as a sex criminal, so I'm putting a real big asterisk on him. He's still thriving. He's in there getting more sex than ever.

Also, he's like the best baseball player from 1978 didn't earn that much money yeah and i think he monetized early and often i just remember i don't know how often you go into skeezy sex shops but i used to go um to that strip club that was in our town and there was one in the front so i was in there all the time and there was everything was a ron jeremy product like he's got lubes and tapes and and dildos and like his cock as a dildo oh well let's try to do that i've got like tons of shit you know and he's just such a hideous human being i think he got me too and they went full bore and got him for sex assault or rape or some some non-consensual sex acts of some kind and took him down you're not you know that happened to james dean i'm

thinking ron jeremy okay like in the last five years i think he got got yeah james dean uh everyone maybe your head goes to the old time movie star but there's a porn star also named james dean and uh he was like women's favorite for a while and then it turns out that the women he worked with were like he's a creep he's kind of rapey it's not good well i mean i i guess that you would think in that industry that wouldn't fly that you you couldn't you couldn't get away with that i know maybe that's counterintuitive but i bet it's a lot easier to be a piece of shit in a boardroom or or after a meeting when nobody's around than it would to be on a on a set where everybody's i just feel like word we get around

and nobody would fuck with you anymore literally yeah i guess so i don't know i think there's maybe a lot of guys with uh you know bad morals running the porn show still oh i wish. I think there's maybe a lot of guys with bad morals running the porn show still. I hope that there's porn star Skype. We used to all be on Skype back in the day. Like all the people who make Call of Duty fucking videos. I hope all the porn stars are

in DMs and stuff. Brittany's pussy stinks. I can't be dealing with Brittany anymore. They're just talking shit behind Brittany behind her back. I hope that's pussy stinks. Yeah, I can't be dealing with Brittany anymore and they're just talking shit behind Brittany behind her back. I hope that's a fake. It's been my impression that guys are kind of in porn as long as they can be, as long as they keep getting work. And women come and go like every two years.

Only a few women stay in porn. The cycle is always the lady is trying to get her start so she can make her brand and do her own thing that seems to be a repeating process um except with like mia kalifa who did like a week's worth of porn became incredibly famous for it and and uh and now does other shit is that true she she was in it for a very short amount of time yeah yeah that's a huge all that all the mia kalifa stuff you've ever seen is from one weekend

or something, I think. There's another chick. She was pretty... Dude, I feel like I can't even say things without being bad, but she was a Jewish chick who went to Duke. Oh, I remember her.

She came from a really wealthy family and it it's inexplicable why she chose to do porn i guess she just thought it was hot like she was into it and uh she had a really brief porn career but for a bit everyone was like oh my god like how did you don't do porn people like you don't do porn typically you know guys that girls at elite schools who are pretty who have the world by the head the tail everybody does porn i think a lot of the porn stars don't i would imagine they have all gone to only fans at this point i think you make so much more money on there it's all about like if you want to do that i guess and have like enough of like a like a notoriety around you i think that's the ticket with doing well but only fans is a little like

twitch and that it takes some like discipline entrepreneurial zest and stick-to-itiveness to get somewhere whereas you can get 1500 in your first try or whatever. All right. You got to transition right now. You got to get started, which is easier to do. Next year, you have to be a successful OnlyFans star, Woody, or a successful boxer. Am I me? Like literally 50-year-old Woody with the aging following? Woody, you have quite the following. They want to know.

I need to be a boxer or an yeah you have to be a successful boxer youtube boxer or you have to be a successful only fans um proprietor proprietor i think i'd do better on only fans i think there'd be a huge curiosity people would be like you know what here's Here's $399. I want to see. Hell yeah. You do some high altitude stuff. You're in the harness naked. How would I do it? You get another guy up there to film. Or a drone.

There's another guy in this? You need a camera person. You in the harness, completely nude. Like on your paramotor. Your odds and ends are covered tastefully by straps and harnesses and such. But you and the harness, completely nude, like on your paramotor, but it's like your odds and ends are covered tastefully by straps and harnesses and such. I think you'd want to go that route.

Yeah, a little pizzazz. We don't need to see like butthole or anything. I think the move is to ramp it up. Who's the chick who did that brilliantly? Took her like three years. Yes. She laid the groundwork for the ramp it up like that who's been doing that brilliantly took her like bell delphine yes she laid the groundwork for the ramp it up business model for sure you'd have to do something kind of fun and

inventive you know i think like you know we could get one good month just from sheer curiosity you know but then everyone would unsubscribe you know because they'd be terribly disappointed unless there's some sort of like really really fun showmanship involved i don't there will be i'm i'm creative consultant on woody's only plans okay it's gonna be good stuff yeah i was a valuable creative consultant what did you say the first video on my only fins reef tank should be it was something like dangerous laser work oh yeah i don't recall now i was high at the time i was high at the time unlike right now right yeah yeah yeah oh who knows i was smoking that night genius level creative consultant and it was half the reason fps russia was successful like it's the ideas behind it. I picture you doing content in short jorts.

I texted Taylor the other day. I was like, Taylor, I got a great business idea. We send doo-doo to people, whoever you want, and you pay us cash. You just mail us an envelope of cash and address and we mail the doo-doo there. I've checked it out. It's totally legal, dude. People pay

a lot for doo-doo. He's like, yeah, do we get started i'm like well i did my part taylor i just came to you with the doo-doo idea good luck let me know when the check comes i'm more of a stats and stories businessman i can't show you because I literally burnt it today, but someone donated $500 to the Trump campaign, perhaps in my name, because I got the posters that demonstrated that like, like, Hey Woody,

thank you for your donation. And I got these like $500 maga posters, free stuff. Wow. Yes. I mean, that mug carries coffee, just like all the other mugs in your house.

Do I have a MAGA mug? Oh, I don't know. I was assuming that a mug would be portable. MAGA kind of sounds like mug. No, Taylor, I asked Woody if he thought if he had to begin tonight and a year from now, he had to be a successful YouTube boxer or a successful OnlyFans star, which would be his move. And he went with only fans.

Yes. I'm guessing you'd go the other way. I think it'd be easier as like, I'm a, I'm just enough of not a nobody that I could be the bottom of bottom, bottom cards in a YouTube boxing thing against another nobody. I think that would probably be

the easiest way to do it. Taylor, I'm willing to pay up to $5.99 to see your dick. I'm curious. I think I'm not alone. Leave that in the comments. If there's a big audience that wants to see what's going on, it may be a little money. Taylor's first spread, if you will, is going to be sports-based.

We're going to have him in his goalie gear. All right, out on the ice. And again, he's going to be completely nude, but we're going to tastefully position. There's going to be one shot where in the background, someone has hit a shot that he's blocking, and the puck flying through the air is what's keeping this clean enough that we're not all embarrassed by it.

It's like that episode of Simpsons when Bart's running around with his dick out and everything covers him perfectly. You know what? I want it to be me making saves, but it's like horrible ass shots. Like, it's Blitz ass, hairy ass. What does a goalie cup look like? Is it the same as a skater's cup? No, it's much bigger and much more comfortable.

Like it's, it's about, like it covers most of your pelvis area. Like once you've worn a goalie cup, you can't go back to regular cups, man. Like it is. I'm wearing one right now. It is creme de la creme. There's so much padding.

Like, you know, you remember like regular cups? They're hard. They're rigid. They hurt. They pinch. They suck. These is like, it's not a cup. It's a whole shell.

Like it's everywhere. Yeah, they leak. I can't even piss in it. I can't piss in it. And a Gully Cup, I have it till tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, I remember. I was picturing that.

But yeah, the Gully Cup's bad. And then everybody. Yeah, I remember. I was just picturing that. The Gully Cup's bad, and then everybody complains, but what are you going to do? They used to have to hire a professional company when we were like 13 that would twice a season come after practice and take every single player on the team's equipment to a special place to clean it because it smells so horrid so bad yeah woody knows that hockey equipment smells rancid that's the thing about only fans though i'm sorry keep going no that's it tell me about only fans it's better i think that there are people who do only

fans and it's not in an obscene way they just kind of treat it like a pay-per-view instagram almost there are people who do that um and have sort of wholesome i think there are people who like cook on there and are sort of uh i know there are girls who don't get naked at all but they're just in a bikini cooking and that's their only fans there's all sorts of levels to that hearing there's a place for only fans i'm telling you there's a place for only fins and i don't remember the setup for it but i guarantee you if you started only fins and you posted consistently for a month or two finster would come and be on your only fins with like his bussy on the other side of the tank kind of pushed up against it and you wouldn't mention the bussy you'd be like look at this new fucking clown fish

oh my way i mean look at the the coral scape that i created and bubba bussy in the background right yeah and shine a laser up it it's genius i would love that poor guys to be oh yeah you wouldn't want to shine it in someone's ass. I bet he's already gotten his... Did he say he waxes his butt or is he lazing it? I think he may have lazed it. Is laser... Is that permanent hair removal or no? We've gone through this before.

It's semi-permanent. I don't remember. That's what it kind of comes down to. Yeah, I think the closest thing to permanent is the electrolysis. It's the one where you grab each individual hair with a pair of tweezers that are electrified and it kills the the root of the hair with that electricity and then they pull it out by the root does it hurt yes because they're plucking each hair out individually plucking is what i was like a little needle they stick in

there and like kills the root or something oh they're grabbing i for some reason i know this i don't know okay i believe you have you ever had it done no me no huh no i'm natural i'm naturally hairless slick like a dolphin oh i i have very very little body hair it's it's there's not much going on at all like boyishly hairy really? I've just got the strip down my chest it doesn't even connect to my belly button hair you've got like belly button

island down there you don't even have a well my belly button connects to my ball fro that's the best hair pattern it's bullshit into your body i mean why my chest looks like a giraffe yeah i mean when i when i took pictures obviously i'm just i don't know if i shaved my chest or if i chemicaled all the hair off my chest for that picture i think i chemicaled it all off uh my like everything i wouldn't want to air chemical hair for men yeah do you shave your chest aqua no i mean i i've i've

i have quite a bit of uh body hair it's uh yeah i can tell i mean it's an affliction of mine i will admit and it and a lot of it is on my chest and you know sometimes um you know in the summertime if i'm going to a pool party or something like that i'll shorten it up a little bit sometimes just a little trim yeah you can use it it's pretty long some of it it's like it gets especially when you're wet you kind of look like a wet dog or something it's not the best it's not great i didn't have that thought today in the shower i was washing and i like i saw what i thought was like a hair that like must have fallen off my head when i was like scrubbing and i like i went to pull it off my chest and it was just a connected a very long chest and some maybe maybe a trim is

uh is in the car goodness i have a little long recurring eyebrow hair now i'm weak on eyebrows right i have my eyebrow hair combined is good enough for one eyebrow yet i stretch it across two that's just how i am but one hair colin refers to it as the longest eyebrow hair and he'll be like you've got the longest eyebrow hair and you cannot have a fucking flaw around this guy. He will pluck it. He will fix it. He will handle it. And yeah,

it's like a fucking ninja. Now I don't have the longest eyebrow hair for another month or so. And I bet he's also, I bet he's not just taking the one. I bet there's a couple, there's a couple of guys who die that didn't have to.

Can I sacrifice that? There's a lot of friendly fire here, Colin. couple of guys who died that didn't have to they sacrificed a lot of friendly fire here Colin I don't have eyebrow hair to spare I donated my dad's eyebrows are pretty thin too I don't know if he's going to have them for much longer he's got more

hair on his head than he's got on his fucking eyebrows I'll get him put in i'll get him a steel gyp yeah i'll no no i'm gonna have him steal the eyebrow hair of a gypsy and and like put them in into my uh face you've seen what if i got eyebrows tattoos that could be good you could draw them on Eyebrow tattoos. That could be good. You could draw them on. I'm not against that.

Eyebrows thin out as you get older. I feel like mine used to be thicker. They do, right? I could make an argument both ways. If I told you eyebrows get big and bushy as you age, you'd be like, yeah, I've seen that. They just get more unhinged, really. I think that's often a case of men who never seen that. They just get more unhinged, really. I think that's often a case of men who

never start that... You hit that second puberty, right? Where your ears start getting hairy and your nose starts getting hairy. And you don't have... If you don't have a grandpa around to be like, son, I see you. It's that special time of life.

Come here and have some Bengay and come with me. He walks you through his second puberty. He shows you the nose trimmer and the ear trimmer and gives you the Viagra or whatever you need to get you going for that last 20-30 years you got that are going to be solid ones.

You don't get that enough. You need that support from your older grandpa. You do. He'll teach you how to trim your eyebrows is that he's like it's not that you're growing more hairier it's that your eyesight's getting worse and you don't realize you have hairy ears that could be a middle ground there because sometimes you see old guys where it's like this is intentional like this guy has made a a decision not to trim his ears yeah i knew a guy like that yeah

i had like an elderly dad i've never seen it like he it was like he had cotton balls in the white hair this the biggest stuff i've ever i don't know how he heard anything at all. It was unbelievable. In my mind, I just wanted to grab it and just pull it out. I feel good, though. He would thank me after. I know he would have. One of those dippy wax sticks that you stick in there. God, I would give anything to see that happen. I pluck any ear hair that I get, and sometimes it's like, oh, that one was in there deep.

Yeah. It's like down in my ear canal it's like oh fuck where did you start i do that with the nose sometimes too he's been growing for six months trying to get to daylight and as soon as i felt it i doinked him i've done that with my nose aqua where like you pull a nose hair out and it's a half centimeter of root and you're like, this guy did not want to come out. That one came from my brain. Yeah, it came from my brain. I forgot how to do long division.

And your eyes water a little bit when you get it. It's good stuff. So you know how different races have different characteristics, right? Black people have kinky hair. Jewish people tend to grow really full beards. Indian people have hairy ears oftentimes and i work with some dudes that was like

to my eye these were bat wings they were just like furry ears all over and i don't know why they didn't do more to trim it but people didn't wear deodorant. It keeps the bugs out. It keeps the bugs out. I don't know. That's really the answer. I work with Indian guys who had hairy ears at a level that you Caucasians don't get. I think that's what it's for. I bet it would feel good. I'm going to get one of those

nose waxing kits. You've got this thing. It goes up your nostril covered in wax and you let it dry and then you pull these two plugs and it pulls every hair in your nose out at once i'm i'm really looking you need that after all these breathing annoyances you've had the past yeah yeah i've had really bad allergies this year that's what i finally put my finger on it it was um when i took a the right cocktail of pseudofed and uh allergy drugs and stuff but i'm still

suffering yeah it's uh i'll be glad when the pollen goes away it's not dog related is it because that it's not that you're new to dogs but you've really stepped up the dog not long ago yeah i was worried it might be dog related um uh the one dog you know um toby is hypoallergenic because he's part poodle but But then there's other dogs. Like four more. Yeah, there's three more dogs in there, and they're all different. So I thought it could have been that, but no. It's just it rained the other day, and I felt so much better.

I didn't sound like this. I just felt better. But then today, I can smell the pollen. I can smell it. Every time I go outside, it hits me, and I just get worse and worse and worse. So, yeah, I'm going to be glad when this pollen season is over. I guess I have allergies again for the first time in a decade. A decade I haven't had an allergy.

We live in basically the same climate. But North Carolina, when it gets windy, there are clouds of pollen that look like deep fog, green fog. I've never seen it anywhere else. blankets cars it turns cars yellow it's uh it's shocking amounts of pollen but those dogwood trees and those um um those white flowering trees whatever they are um all that shit just ruins my life we had a pretty look at I have a shit ton of those around my house. In the woods behind my house. I'm getting to the end of the West Wing, Woody, where the president's MS is kicking his ass

and he's starting to not have full use of his hands and it's all pitiful. It's real sad. I've forgotten that that show gets sad. Me too. Is Jimmy Smith playing a big part of it now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's running for president. and it's all pitiful it's real sad i've forgotten that that show gets sad me too and that's is jimmy smith's playing a big part of it now yeah yeah yeah he's running for president uh so that's all cool but but i i just feel sorry for president bartlett with his it's just you know at the times he his wife is like what's wrong he's like i haven't been able to see out of my left eye since this morning, and my right arm doesn't work.

And she's just like, oh. And they're like at a dinner. And she's a doctor too, right? Yeah. Yeah. How do his eyebrows look at this point? You know, that man's eyebrows were always very well-kempt. But you can tell if he didn't look after him, they'd get out of hand.

What happened to Baca? Is MS fatal, right? Kemp, but you can tell if he didn't look after him, they'd get out of hand. Chewbacca. Is MS fatal, right? No, not necessarily. No, not at all, actually. It's not fatal. What it is is... Oh, I'm thinking of ALS. But at the time of the filming of that, they gave

a statistic that 25% of assisted suicides are MS patients. Because it doesn't kill you, it just tortures you and takes away your body. Rarely fatal, but the life expectancy is five to ten years lower. For the reason I just gave.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that, but yeah. Everybody kills themselves. Really? It's lesions on your brain. Ugh, that's horrible. Yeah, and it's interesting for the president because there's the question of there's the political question of assisted suicide that's

on the agenda in his world and he's he can't go and talk about it because then he has to be he has to say no there is no they're going to ask him if there's ever syringe in your nightstand you know is there are there four bottles of morphine in a syringe in there? Your wife's a doctor. Why wouldn't there be like everybody? And he comes to the conclusion at the end. He tells his wife, who is a doctor, there's not going to be a syringe in the nightstand and it's going to get

ugly. You going to be around for that? She's like, yeah. It's like, fuck. It's rough stuff. It's sad. It's a good show. So well written. Well, seems sad. At least that part does. Sorkin shows are like that.

What was the other one that came afterwards? It might have been Hollywood related. Did he do ER? I really don't know his repertoire. I've only seen that I think a couple times but it's so well done

it's so well written it's an old ass show I like seeing the politics of 2002-2003 because so much of it hasn't changed it's still Iran and China and North Korea and Russia it's still LGBT rights

and marijuana and police violence and uh it's all those same issues they're still worried about medicare social security they all that stuff is just the same so i was thinking of studio 60 and it's a i think the show is not as good but the dialogue is just as good you know where they like zippy talk back and forth and everything they say is genius? It has that too. What's also really good is Newsroom. You've maybe seen

that? I haven't. It's on the burner for a watch at some point. I thought of this. I hadn't brought it up. Did you see that those drones exploded over the Kremlin? Yes. It's like where putin supposedly where he lives i guess they're so i looked into it he doesn't normally live there doesn't stay there

very often um russia's calling it an assassination attempt nice anyone who's looking at it is not an assassination attempt um if there's a chance it's not uk, I think it is. I base that on nothing. But it could be a false flag thing. Putin does that. That's how Putin took power. He's a false flagger. But it might have also been Ukraine attacking. And what happened is they took a drone. It came zipping into the Kremlin.

They have a Russian flag flying on top of this dome building. And the UAV blew up right next to the flag. It looked like they were trying to hit the flag. They damaged the flag. That flag is a little torn. They need a new flag now. Yeah. Who's going to pay for that?

We took a $9,000 drone and we ruined that flag. We aged that flag. Enjoy your sooty flag ruskies but it smells now um so yeah zolinski says that putin is trying to like get a little more public support by false flagging it possible that's not really outcomes razor but i don't know uh it could also be that zolinski was just trying to prove a point and and one thing that happens when you do this is they take their air defenses and they move them off the front lines and they start protecting the kremlin so they might have

been like you know what we're gonna bomb the kremlin if you don't put your your your sam's there if you keep them up here by the front lines and you know we make them spread out their resources i could be convinced either way like false flags happen fucking constantly in wars like yeah trying to garner approval trying to drum up support for you or against the enemy I know they've been hitting like railroads and and and fuel

points and stuff like that it's uh but but yeah seeing that drone pop over the over the building there was pretty interesting because that's a different kind of attack that's an attack Yeah, seeing that drone pop over the building there was pretty interesting. Because that's a different kind of attack. That's an attack that, you know, it's literally on their flag. They were trying to hit the Russian flag on top of the Russian Capitol building. It's more of a slap in the face than a true attack.

The nature of this drone was that it was never taking out this building. I don't think it was even going to put a hole in its roof and on its best day uh this was a device suitable for ruining flags i've made bigger home-based weaponry i believe you yeah so uh so either they were proving a point or it was a false flag but it certainly wasn't the assassination attempt that putin made it out to be but it's still super interesting yeah no i i love it and that this thing keeps developing um i've tried to give some more thought to the the poor russian soldier on the ground since taylor um gave us all a a morality morality check um i really have i saw him the other day like i don't like i don't like that that one russian is begging like please don't blow me up and they tailor things russians are

humans and he's wrong how foolish i am to look at grunts in war and be like that sucks i feel bad for that guy yeah you know this is they're going to be playing this during your trial in the future wars. You think so? He had sympathy for people having bombs dropped on them who were forced into a conflict that doesn't benefit them. We're going to have an arbiter of patriotism. It's going to be

an artificial intelligence, and you will have to pass an examination, and it'll have this the same way that silly AI can mimic our voices perfectly. It'll have this whole conversation. It'll remember your lack of patriotism here. How democracy wasn't the most

They'll send me right to the front lines. Oh, it's going to do something much worse to you. You're a strong, sturdy boy. It needs you for the mines. Not with all that wit, though. It's going to lobotomize you right there. It's very stupid. When you said they needed him for the mines. Not with all that wit, though. It's going to lobotomize you right there. It's very stupid. When you said they needed him for the mines, I thought he was

going to make them explode, like that kind of mine. No. They call it a mine. He's going to find one landmine. If I have to work away in the salt mines, I'll just run away. I'll lose weight and I'll get quick. We need asbestos for the war effort.

We need asbestos. We need the finest asbestos. Ukraine's been gaining territory. And it's... Look at that map. I don't even know what to make of this, right? Russia's been gaining territory a hundred meters at a time

and then over the course of the entire winter they took i'll make it up like 80 of bakhmut which on one hand is super shitty they wanted to do way better way faster than that on the other hand they do pretty much have bakhmut now most of it like so so then like ukraine took a hundred meters back and it's like well that'll teach them we've we've turned the tide now or it's worthless i don't think that this thing is going to be viewed it i think looking at it at a hundred meters at a time is silly okay you know like i i don't think any of that's meaningful at all as far as the greater war is concerned it looks like what the ukrainians needed to do was like was cut off that larger peninsula that the russians have taken so that they can surround them

oh that's got to be their yeah that's got to be their ultimate goal if anything's going to happen and then russia seems like they need to do the opposite of that they need to push back over that river and try to sweep underneath again because it seems like they wanted to do the opposite of that. They need to push back over that river and try to sweep underneath again because it seems like they wanted to do that. I can't imagine them going for Kiev again. I don't know anything about the landscape, but I would presume that the

defenses of Kiev are much more serious than they were a year ago today. Also, the supply lines are a big problem. If they were to push all the way to Kiev again, then they would be out of artillery. They wouldn't have their good weapons. They can barely supply where they are now,

and it's a much easier task. I can't wait to play the video game about this. I can't wait to watch the movies about this. Yeah, there's going to be some great movies. Who's going to be the star? Who's going to be the Ukrainian hero? Who's like, or whatever? Henry Cavill going to be the Ukrainian hero? Or whatever. Henry Cavill.

Henry Cavill. That's a big fucking Ukrainian. No, no, no. He's got to stay focused on Warhammer. Dude, that guy's practically unemployed because he's a big dickwad that no one wants to work with. That's not accurate at all. It seems like he's a guy who really enjoys the fantasy series that he was involved

in and hated that they didn't stay true to the source material and so he decided to leave and do his own thing everybody loves or he only does what he feels like doing he like they gave him the job of superman and he wouldn't show up in any of the other films they wanted him in both the shazams he wouldn't do it they wanted him in more in black adam but he only did was like one little cameo and there's more i can't think of all the shows yeah he was refusing like cameo after cameo he was refusing to do what robert downey jr did do you know he made spider-man he was refusing to appear in more superhero movies yes because he plays wow fuck yes love this guy he's great he needs to focus on his his warhammer universe

exploration i'm very excited about that yes yeah i want to see what happens he's a guy who cares about what he makes and wants it to be good and uh i think he's he's all he was complaining about the showrunners and the writers are on the witcher and when you read their complaints they're like he cares so much about the story. What is this problem? He cares about these characters. He wants them to be like the book. My God, what is this?

How can he be so evil? And I don't know how you could be on it. You are like the only guy. It's like you and like the show runners of the, I have fun. Yeah, this is my role. I hate Henry Cavill, Robin Williams.

And, um, what did Robin do to you? Oh, Brendan Frazier. Oh, This is my role. I hate Henry Cavill, Robin Williams, and... What did Robin do to you? Oh, Brendan Fraser. Oh, you can't come back full circle and pretend like you didn't actually dislike Robin Williams. I see what you're trying to do. You meant what you said about that great man. Robin Williams.

That hero. He became like the suicide guy. You know what? He's a hero. We love this suicide guy. And know what? He's a hero. We love this suicide guy. And I get it. He was sick. Yeah.

Oh, the whole world was like singing his praises after he killed himself. And I was like, man, I bet there's a lot of other people who were thinking about killing themselves who were like, I'd like to be a hero. So someone had to say this was a bad idea it was a bad idea but the people were

singing his praises they weren't like it's so good he killed himself they were like oh my god he was so wonderful in patch adams and uh yeah goodwill hunting and it's such a shame that this guy with all this talent you know took his own life because of you know at the time i think didn't people it was like the thought at the time, I think didn't people... It was like thought at the time. He might have Parkinson's or something. Was that it? In the month after William's death, a 32% increase in the method used by the

comedian himself. But suicide in general rose just 3%. See? They copied him. The inspired future suicide victims. He informed people. Look, what's wrong with suicide? I don't know why suicide's such a bad people. What's wrong with suicide? I don't know why suicide is such a bad thing. There's plenty.

I joke about always. It's always a bad thing. What if it lowers crime? It is usually a bad thing. People who commit suicide would otherwise be bad. Maybe. So if you have MS, you're paralyzed in pain all the time. And you're just wasting away there.

It's not time to to go for that syringe in the drawer i think it depends on the person's like life and the surrounding context right like if they're 40 years old and it just started early onset or something and they still have kids and like they're like then of course like you don't kill yourself if you are 72 and you are a constant pain and life is hell then like yeah you should be able to do that if that's what you think is where's the suffering level how much do i have to hurt before it's okay i mean that would be subjective it's i'm not saying that you you can't do it i'm saying that it's not good the guy had kids but let's say like the guy was like 40 years

old and he's got ms and it and it's starting to get rough or whatever. He should absolutely consider, yeah, I still have children. He has to keep dragging his ass to work because someone else wants him to be a paycheck? I didn't say that you got a headache. We're talking about people who are going to die, who are laying there suffering. And the doctors are saying, oh, you're going to love this, sir. We can keep you like this for so long.

Yeah, I understand what you're saying. That's like the worst parts of space horror novels, when a chaos god like Nurgle makes someone rot and decompose, and then regenerates them back to full youth and lets it happen again and again and again

in perpetuity forever. That's what lying in some of those beds are with some of these degenerative diseases. So I think suicide is often a wonderful thing. It's a release, and not just for the person who's been laying in that bed, but for their whole family who's been sitting there suffering alongside them and held up in time and space alongside them, waiting on them to pass on. It's often a great thing. I understand what you're saying about that. But again, you have to construct a very specific thing.

It is literally life and death, and so you need to treat it with severity. It is not a good move most of the time to kill yourself. Like that is obvious. You mean like most of the time, as in most of the time that we experience, like, like right now, it's probably not a good time for me to kill myself.

Cause I, I'll agree with you there. However, I don't think that most of the suicide, I would like to see all the suicides and then see how many of these people were just bummed out. How many of these people had a bad thing happen today and immediately said, oh, I can't live in this world. Bang. Yeah, I guess what I dislike is any kind of framing of suicide that makes it seem like an out, like even in the context of an 89 year old who's going to die three days from now, but wants to die now instead.

Like because that's not the person you're talking to when you discuss topics like this. Like the people that hear it are people who are like, you are not 85 year olds. Like, I think it's bad to present suicide in any way as something that could, like, it's bad.

It's fucking bad. Like you don't want to know, like unless you are fucking 90 years old and like already dying. So it's, so it's amputation unless you have gangrene all right like there are situations where it's over and and we've got to cut the limb off and we've got to cut the life off i remember that guy who had extreme radiation poisoning and they kept him alive basically melting on top of that bed for months just just

because they could just okay good example excellent example right there like yeah that guy pain it's unimaginable should have been that shit's not necessary at some point it's time to let go again i'm not talking about you're bummed out because your boyfriend left you i'm not talking about like you you're an incel i'm talking about you're on fire you're on fire the thermite won't stop no the thermite won't stop burning it's so hot you're on fire thermite paint got the towers that's how they brought them down was thermite paint on the inside of the tower that's jesse the body ventura i'm glad you actually got it because that would have been embarrassing i've. I'm glad you actually got it.

I'm glad you brought it back, but I got it anyway. And you bring us to another public instance of mass suicide, 9-11, where dozens and dozens of people were seen jumping from the towers to escape the burning flames and gases that were cooking their skin and lungs. Yeah, that's... Wasn't a helicopter coming.

Superman's not on the way it's time to jump yeah you wonder if if like in in that moment you're even cogently thinking that you're jumping to your death or you're just escaping the inevitable death brought by smoke so cool if someone was on top planning to base jump and we're just like you know what? I can save one. This could happen at a better time. Fucking out of here. So many cameras on 9-11

on the Twin Towers. Everyone laughed at John who brought a parachute to work with him every day for eight years. Until September 11th, 2001. It shows him taking off his parachute at home and he's like, I'm tired of being made fun of. It says like, September 10th.

Do you think he'd be all high and mighty about it in the post 9-11 interviews? He's wearing it in the interviews like, haha, they laughed at me for years. Laughing now. Jump out and float on down to the nearest ferry and just like back up and and go that'd be so cool yeah a base jumper landed on the top of building seven bringing it down

why did that building go down has anyone explained with the heat from a nearby fire brought down building seven i yeah that checks out okay i i don't. Okay. I don't question that. I don't want to get Kanye'd. Putin did it. Sometimes fire gets so hot, you don't know what's going to happen. You know fire, that AOE effect? It does that, doesn't it? Yeah, I know.

I don't know. I don't know either, but it doesn't make sense. I don't know I don't know either but it doesn't make sense I don't think we're allowed to question the official I mean what happened at the fucking pentagon man how is there no video of that plane hitting the pentagon there is though isn't there

there's this thing where there's like a frame the plane is a grey flash that comes on the screen followed by a fireball i can't identify that as an airplane and the and and the fact that every day every that's exaggerating every year at 9-11 i see a new angle of that shit every year for the last 25 fucking years they've been rolling out new angles it's like huck look at this newly discovered home video and that's what it is you know somebody had a camera but it wasn't exactly the digital age we threw

those cameras in closets they there's uh like i remember um uh one of the girls i knew her camera took these mic sony micro discs they look they're compact discs the size of like stamp. Nobody knows what a stamp is. What am I thinking? You know what I mean? It's not like you could pop that thing out these days and put it into something, but I'm sure there's some 9-11 footage on one of those. But never do I see any of that Pentagon footage of that plane slowly careening over Washington,

coming down to, hey, why is there a plane over the... Japanese fucking tourists everywhere everywhere snappity snap oh this is where rinkan is yes yes great american tragedy put your camera down you say that for rinkan yeah just slapping the camera down none of them got a little snapshot of the it's kind of weird right at this point two planes have crashed in new york maybe one in pennsylvania or maybe that was the fourth one no one like in washington dc is like i wonder if there's any coming here we should look up not zero people what well i i think dangerous question no there would have been zero people

because like okay it was slow to determine that it was an act of terror it was right after the second one hit right and then i think that timeline is too close for because everything was radio or cnn there wasn't a lot of oh everybody getting alerts on their phones and and the the web just didn't close very fast back then we didn't people didn't have cameras on them normally like people i don't know is that true 2001 no no gamers no no my phone was it was that was the age oh you're right yeah nokia no i'm wrong i'm wrong yeah yeah i had a yeah all the phones were those little little block fuckers it wasn't until shit like 2004 2000 like right after yeah when the

early and they were crummy. You could be like, look, a girl sent me a naked picture and be like, are you sure? Maybe, girl. I think that's a pizza. That might be a cat. I remember taking pictures on my Roller Roller razor. It looks like a boob. I want to remember

how much light was in this room maybe someday. That's about all that it captured i remember i was off-roading with a guy and he was in my passenger seat and a girl sent him like sexted him a topless pic he didn't show it to me but i was just blown i was like what a girl just sent you a picture of her boobies like just now like it is a girl you're talking to like is she your girlfriend and he's like no but she could be and it was like part of the courting process it was a real the future is now moment wasn't it taylor taylor that was last year

yeah yeah i i love that uh i feel like we've become much more awful people because of our phones and the internet i really do i think it's helped us in a lot of ways but but but the way it's been used and just been run like the wild west we maybe could have used some federal oversight earlier yeah maybe maybe we don't allow smartphones we keep the internet just for nerds Maybe we don't allow smartphones. We keep the internet just for nerds. Nobody else can be online. You have to be a gamer nerd.

Keep it to where being online like the early 2000s where it was still lame. Yeah, I would like that. And the pedophiles. What's that, Akbar? I was just going to say, looking back on movies like Days and Confused or something like that, for example you know like that era of time without cell phones there's some there's a level of charm there that just like

doesn't exist today you know like that just i i know that's a movie and everything but i i really i feel like not having a phone is there's something to that you know what i mean like i've watched those videos of like on on youtube like you know like people in their like you know late teenage years or like in their 20s or something at like a like a concert in like a garage or something and like nobody has a phone and everybody's like commenting about that and everybody was just like talking to each other and i don't know i don't know if it's quite the same anymore like like stories my parents told me of like growing up in the 80s i don't know it just i feel like we we were missing out on a little bit of that

yeah i had it when i was younger but there's definitely that like public square effect of phones where like you go in a waiting room now, you go anywhere and everyone's on their phone. There's no there's no conversation happening. Like it's so ingrained now that like if you try and like start a conversation with someone, some people are like almost taken aback. Yeah, it's weird. Don't you just want to stare at your phone? Yeah, with the Internet and and video games and stuff, it's so entertaining to be at home now.

I feel like back then people would go out more because there's not that much to do at home. What are you going to do? Read a book? Watch the same VHS of Goldeneye that you've had? I like having a little break of being expected to be there. So I ride a motorcycle a lot and everyone in my life knows that like, if you text me while I'm driving,

I'll probably catch it. I might even text back. Maybe not necessarily, but I might on a motorcycle texting and motorcycling is not a thing. It is. I don't even, I can't feel the vibration on my thigh and I sure as heck can't text you while i'm riding like it's not gonna happen at all so while i'm on a bike i am basically in the woods in the like in

in the desert in the middle of australia i'm somewhere doesn't matter i'm just inaccessible and there's something neat about that i drive a stick shift car same thing you can't look at your phone while you're driving stick shift really i'm just very like without my phone though like i would like it i i have i do have this and i've always had it since i was a kid this uh this sort of fear that if i don't have my phone on me someone's gonna die and i'm not gonna know like like like i was always worried about my dad like if i couldn't get in touch with him um so like i gotta have the phone so that i know that's like in any emergency right like if

they need me what if someone's broken down on the side of the road i'll be thinking if i if i go to bed and i don't have my phone on my nightstand i'll be thinking what if a friend breaks down and they don't you know they're on the side of the road and they can't get in touch with me like i need they need to be able to get that's when i get really frustrated when people don't respond to my goddamn text messages i'm what the fuck where's your phone you don't have your phone with you all day you don't take the shower and you prop it up on the window so that it's looking at you so you can look through the show and like check it you do that yeah i don't want to be in there i don't want to be without it like what sometimes

i go hours and hours without checking my phone throughout the day no like i'll just have it in the other room be like oh yeah i haven't checked my phone since like 10 this morning the the idea of leaving my phone dead would i couldn't be comfortable i would be like sitting on a tack. Oh my God. I hate the idea of just like letting my phone, when my phone dies, I will jump from my chair. Like it's just like a cat's heart stopped or something. Oh,

oh shit. Oh God. You're like running in there to the charger. Hang in there, dad. Like, yeah, I've always been like

that i'm a i'm a real worry wart in that way if i'm not if if you can't get me then i worry something's going wrong i uh i remember i was i was out seeing a movie in new york city got out of the movie late my phone had died and uh i wasn't familiar with the area very well where where i had seen the movie my friends even took off in some other direction and i had to get home and i had no phone and i didn't know where the subway station was there i didn't there were no cabs around couldn't get an uber nothing like that so like i literally had to just like i kind of panicked for a minute not having it like normally i just like look up where the subway was or if I was, you know, lazy and didn't want to take the subway, I'd get an Uber or something. It's like hard to get a cab in like Midtown or that area sometimes.

And I just like freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I had to like walk up to a stranger and ask them where the subway was. Like that's such a foreign concept to me now. I don't know it's wild yeah it's back like i get stressed because i'm dog shit with directions like if i'm like in the middle of getting back home from somewhere that like i didn't know how to get to in the first place and like my phone's at like six percent and i know that like i'm not gonna make the turn to

where i know where i'm going before then i like get genuinely panicky where it's like oh my god i'm gonna be lost i'm not gonna know where to go and it's never like that because like it's always like oh yeah i know i want to go west like that that kind of shit but it's you feel naked you feel vulnerable like i i have to know where i'm supposed to go now that's something i like i'm blown away by like people just had to used to have to know how to get fucking everywhere like you just had to be like oh i'm going over to uh suzy's house to study for our 10th grade test she lives in this area oh okay i gotta know how to get there and then to her house specifically like i remember specifically thinking when i was 16 thank god garmin exists because otherwise it would have been stressful

well you're gonna love this because uh my dad didn't give a shit about nav when it came out it was like i know everywhere i need to go he's like he's like i've been atlanta before you know that little hub atlanta you know like like he just knows everywhere he needs to go um at this point that's his mindset about i'm sure he didn't know how it worked at the time nowadays he uses navigation but at the time he didn't give a shit and so we didn't have one when i was still using fuck printing out map quest in like 2004 2005 um like in the passenger seat glant looking at that fucking map in my passenger seat driving through atlanta and realizing that i was on the wrong side of the perimeter which if you don't live here means i have fucked up i'm on the wrong

side of the goddamn city like like it might as well be a it's miles and miles and literally a million people are between in cars or between me and where i want to go um it was awful i drove for a long time without navigation uh and i remember when i was like 18 19 especially i really liked it my cousin and i would get up early we get our shotguns uh we get a crow caller a couple hundred rounds and we just start driving uh and and we drive until we saw crows and we get out with the caller and call yeah they're here and then we'd find whoever lived there and like go to their house and ask for permission to shoot their crows. And if they had, it was usually pecan orchards. So we just get out and like hunt like that all the time.

And we were lost as fuck. Most of the time we would always need like old timey instructions on how to get back home by the time it was over. I am glad I never have to, never got lost in the mountains. One time running from the cops after we threatened a judge and we were asking for directions from this old timey lady on the side of the road. Can you kick off that story again? I don't like how you blew past that.

I thought this was something you talked about before like several times or something. I have. They just don't remember it well. But well, that that happened. We were at a red light and we got into an altercation with the man behind us. And then we got out to attack him because he like he's signaled for us to pull over to fight. And so we pulled over to fight. And when we ran back to get him, he recoiled into his car in fear because he didn't think we were coming to get him like that.

And he said i'm a judge and we had just left that area of the city like like where the courthouse and all the all those buildings are we of course are terrified so we jump back into our car like we just got shot at i almost drive off without my partner he's like hanging on to the oh shit handle barely in the truck and i careen across two or three lanes of traffic outside after jumping a curb because i didn't want him to get my plate because you would imagine that a judge could has a could make a phone call very quickly and give my plate to someone and they come and get me um so i'm afraid of that because now i feel like i've committed a terrible crime i probably No, you just charged a judge in the middle of the road. Yeah, I think I may have yelled something at him,

and I'm pretty sure I had a club. So then we drove off, and I kept... I had the mindset at the time, I know this doesn't make sense, but if I got lost, then I would be lost. Like, if I didn't know where I was, how could they? He couldn't find you. A little bit of object permanence difficulty

for teenage Kyle. But you gotta understand, I'm like 18, maybe. And I'm terrified because we're way in over our heads. But he hides on a three-year-old level. But I'm driving a truck. Officer, back up up we have a gentleman

standing staring into a tree i can see your feet under the curtains young man and so i tear off like through the town and i just start taking every road that leads to a more to a less populated area i take that turn like whatever it takes. Very quickly, I'm out of town, down side streets, and then into the woods and back roads and the mountainous areas. Kind of where we're at, that kind of area. I'm almost out of

gas. I know the point where it runs out in that truck. It's got to get below the red, and there's got to be visible gap. And then we got like a mile or two. We're on the red. I got like 10 miles, 15 maybe.

And we pulled over because there was a lady checking her mail in this like sketchy mountainous area back there where not many people live. And I'm like, ma'am, can you can you tell me how to get to Franklin County? And she's like, franklin county yes yes yes we you have one madison county i'm like yes ma'am i guess so how do i get franklin county again that way and she pointed with like three fingers because that's all she had like she had some sort of congenital birth defect that i want to attribute to inbreeding because she is like hill folk. And you're like, that way.

I was like, thank you so much, ma'am. And I took off and we both looked at each other like, just your fucking hand. Did you see your fucking hand? I'm like, where are we?

Where are we? We were scared. I was, I was so scared because I, I, we really didn't want to like attack a judge. We just wanted to defend ourselves. That's what it felt like. You didn't want to respond to cool when he was like, to attack a judge. We just wanted to defend ourselves. That's what it felt like.

You didn't want to respond cool when he was like, I'm a judge. And you were like, this is my partner, Jury, and I'm Executioner. And then you bang! Go in there with your fucking club, break his windshield, drag him out, and say, don't you dare threaten us to fight so rudely.

That does sound cool. Yeah, that would have been cool. That would have been a different life for me, I think, if I'd done that at 18. You'd be a pretty cool guy. He literally did start it, though. I didn't leave. The light turned green, and I didn't immediately go

because there was a car quickly coming to the intersection from my right, not stop. They'd be like, oh, shit, it's red, and they're having a hard time getting stopped. It wasn't like a crazy emergency, but I was taking note of how quickly they were approaching the intersection so i didn't leave right away and this guy laid on the horn and i think one of us gave him the finger and he gave us the finger back and then he was like pull over it's like all right fighting words he's wanting to go so we did and i bet he wasn't even a judge he might not have been

but but man that's a good card to pull out of your back pocket in a scary moment. That's really good. You have to be old enough looking. Woody, I don't think you could pull off I'm a judge. You don't look old enough. I totally look like a judge. You're not judge age. No, you would need a beard and you'd need to look old.

Actually, beard with the gray in there, you could pull off judge. Is it a crime to impersonate a judge? Because I know law enforcement, that's definitely a crime. No, it's not a crime at all. It's actually a really good idea. Yeah. It's like Dumbledore rules. Not only is it legal,

I'm awarding you the highest honors. That was actually very smart of you. You pretended to be a judge. As a judge, I respect this. You're free to go. What if you're not just choosing, like, I'm a judge, right? But you're thinking of that beauty pageant that one time. I one time judged an eating contest.

I'm a judge, like a former judge. And then what if he hits you with, I'm also a judge? Well, we're just a couple of judges now, aren't we? What's your favorite part of judging? What are your top three favorite parts of judging?

Your Honor, I meant I was judgmental when I said that. I meant I was vindictive and rude, actually. I was judging someone. That was scary. I think Scott and I kept that one I was vindictive and rude, actually. I was judging someone. That was scary. I think Scott and I kept that one a secret for like eight years before we even told my dad. Like every now and then, like you do something so awful, I wouldn't tell my dad. One time, oh, God, I was at his farm and he was away on a trip.

I've probably told you all this before, but there was a bird on the power line and uh i i normally would never shoot a bird on a power line with anything more powerful than like a 22 because you don't want to risk shooting the power line into right that's a big deal but there he was and i had a really good rifle i had this big Remington 40XB 22-250 with a 36 power unertal scope on it. This is the gun you use to cut playing cards in half. It'll put three bullets in the same hole at 120 yards. It's what it does. It weighs 15 pounds or something,

and it's a small caliber rifle. When you shoot it, it goes, key. It barely moves. But the scope's, like, gyroscopically stabilized, so it doesn't move. It stays stationary. This is the gun to shoot a bird off a power line. But I didn't know my dad had zeroed it for, like, some other range. And so at 50 meters, it's shooting real low.

And so instead of making the bird go which is what a 22 250 will do to a robin it'll go it's really satisfying you can hear the bullet hit it it just shot the goddamn power line into just shot the big power line into now i've never seen a power line hit the ground before it hits the ground and starts jumping around, shooting blue fire and making this noise. The plasma is cooking the grass and blackening everything, and it's moving. I didn't know it would actually move.

And there it is. There's death. There's death right there. We're looking at it, that fucking thing. And, of course, the electricity's gone to an entire farm and god knows where else anyone that way yeah yeah and it's just uh it's just me it's just me there so i had to run around start generators uh go to the gas station buy buy a good 20 30 extra gallons of diesel make sure I topped all the tanks off babysit those generators and like make sure everything was good until dad got home and I was like man that lightning hit your power line right in the fucking middle can you

believe that hero Kyle saved the day you know I don't you don't have to pay me to be your watchman, but I take tips. I just, thank you. And to be fair, I did step up and save the day. I just didn't mention that, that it was an act of Kyle, not an act of God.

Really? The weather's been tremendous. That's what the, that's what our neighbor said. When I was, when I was getting some diesel from, from him, he was like, I didn't hear nothing.

I didn't hear no lightning. I ain't seen no storm. Well, it was a freak storm, and it was a very quiet lightning. Sounded a lot like a gunshot, actually. It's called a one-strike storm. I was basically just like, shut up. Shut up. Did the wire stay

shooting out plasma and stuff? Did you just leave it like that or what happened there? It kept doing that for a significant amount of time, like a couple of minutes. The way I remember it is it stopped and I think that's because there's some safety things or somewhere where

the grid realized that it was detached and turned the power off. Somewhere along the line, it turned itself off there. Oh, no. I went to the power company and told them about the freak lightning storm. Right.

Wow. Sounds like real freaky. We're three miles from there and my car's dry. Happens all the time. That's 100% accurate everything you just said. About three miles. About three miles? You like walk in

soaked with a rain hat on? Oh yeah. I had my umbrella. I was shaking it off as I walked in. Don't even look outside, everybody. It's a madhouse. I saw the umbrella and went, Yeah, that was a as I walked in. Don't even look outside, everybody. It's a madhouse. I saw the umbrella and went, Hey.

I didn't tell Dad that. What happened with that was Scott ratted me out to my dad. He told my dad. But then he told me, he's like, man, I let it slip about the thing. And I was like, Damn it. And so the next time he brought it up,

I remembered that he knew and i knew he was trying to fuck with me and i was like you know you know i did it try to pretend don't try to make me squirm old man i know you know i know you know you're like messing with him like now you're trying to turn me into the bad guy and all of this like Just gaslighting your dad about the power lines. I'm the savior in this story. God damn it. I was stress testing that line. If it can't take a 22-250, I mean, come on.

Let me tell you, it was ready to pop. Ready to pop. I've never seen a downed power line in person. More impressive than that. I haven't seen one that was doing stuff more impressive than that i was driving uh into into town one day in livonia and uh i was driving past the post office and there's a power line where one of the you know

the cylindrical power things that are up on the power poles i don't know what they do transformer is that what i think they're called that yeah that gray cylinder that's up there whatever the fuck that is uh lightning hit that before my eyes 75 yards from me and i was i'm kind of looking in that direction because i'm driving and i saw that fucking thing explode and it made a huge fireball of blue and gold plasma and then like sparklers rain down like in a movie i thought that was just a movie effect like when i blew up that car and they like cgi'd it all up they're like yeah and then we do this and it's that same effect that's in every it's just a plug-in but it looked like a fucking plug-in in real life i watched that thing explode it was badass you could hear it well obviously it was lightning it was deafening it was deafening you could hear it so clearly so well lightning's awesome every time i've seen

lightning a bunch of times do crazy shit my uncle was uh working on a car you know had a floor jack big metal thing on concrete floor lightning hit a tree outside came through the floor jack and gave him a jolt oh my god and like. And, like, dropped him to the ground, and he's, like, laying there all fucked up for a while. They had to help him into the house. Jesus Christ. My cousin was working inside of a poultry house, and he had his hand on a metal feed line.

Lightning hit outside, ran inside, and hit him. And he was just jolted so badly. He was just in full, like he had lost it. He was just crying, like screaming, crying. Like he was just from the pain, I guess. But he was just sitting on the ground with his hands like this crying. So he wasn't being shocked anymore and he was still. No, it was just it hit him in one like bam kind of like jolt.

And then. Yeah, probably in shock. No, it was just, it hit him in one like, bam, kind of like jolt, and then Yeah, you're probably in shock your heart just almost stopped you almost died. I was a real pussy, I'm gonna be honest You're a baby, it's only lightning Big boys don't cry, right? Did Ben Franklin cry? Hell no He had syphilis too

You know what he did? He said, bring me another Bring me another He's, he, he's They call him the Genghis Khan of syphilis. Did you know that? Goddamn right. He spread it around more than anyone in history. He loved it. He was part of the reason he did it.

Franklin. Yeah. Ben Franklin. And he he spread it because he would often go to France and fuck hookers in France. Like this part's true and he but he would go there and he would fuck a bunch of hookers in france and i guess in france at the time syphilis was right all over the place and so he constantly had syphilis yeah it's a terrible no not back then right like they probably have antibiotics

trade or something shot up his dick like something crazy like that uh you would need that's the real way he invented electricity no it hurt a lot and it's something about a key on a kite that's bullshit no no he was trying any and everything to get those bumps to go away jesus christ i i uh yeah i'm glad i don't think you get do you get bumps i have no idea if syphilis causes bumps i know uh i got like a little red like patch on my shoulder that you could only really see out of a hot shower. That's how I knew I had it. Oh, and then all the skin on my palms and the soles of my feet fell off.

Yeah, that's the bigger one. That was the secondary symptom. But when I saw that red patch on my shoulder, I knew something was up. You started thinking about committing tax evasion and going insane in prison, and you realized, yeah, no, I don't want an Al Capone life. No, no, you don't want that Al Capone life. That's how Al Capone died. He should have died as like a super cool gangster sitting in like a Sicilian veranda or something.

Sometimes I worry that they didn't get all the syphilis and that there's a little like eating away at my brain, you know when i get blood i still have those syphilis antibodies you know food for thought food or thought for food this week on reading rainbow i miss oh i love reading rainbow that was great that show was gay without having was. Did your dad say that? Do you remember... It's got rainbow in the title for everything. This might be... Actually, no. You guys are both... You guys are both with Wishbone Age, right? Yeah.

I don't fully remember what that is. It's like a lamb or something. It was a dog. Lamb chop. Lamb chop was the lamb yes and wishbone would go around he would solve mysteries yeah i guess maybe that was a little too i just remember the puppet in the barnyard no he was he was a real dog they had a real dog running around i watched a puppet show about a little lamb called lamb chop voice by this cute lady uh and they were like in a studio barnyard and uh i don't know what the fuck that is that's wishbone news to me yeah i missed wishbone i was thinking a lamb

chop as well i wonder how wishbone's doing now he's dead do you think he's still in the acting biz i think he's dead no i think he's real dead he I threatened it. Mid-30s? I saw a thing. The oldest dog, 30 years old. His name was like Bob. And he was owned by Jeremiah Lyre. That's not true. There's no way that's a 30-year-old dog. I saw that 30-year-old dog.

It's been documented. I saw it, too. He's absolutely right. I saw that dog. Yeah. He's a grand pupper. Man, I hope he has a somewhat satisfying life. He's a grand pupper. I hope he has a somewhat satisfying life.

He seems okay. Oh, well, he's dead now. But I hope the end is good. I mean, probably. They probably let him go out in a very nice, soft, painless way, Taylor. Not lying there in his own feces to be ridiculed

and to be a burden. They let him go out the right way. Who's ridiculing these people? I always do. I go to the... Dude, I'm at the hostel five days a week.

I'm letting those old bags know, you've had your stay get out social security's crumbling you fuckers if they can't contribute to the GDP they need to off themselves I start preaching Reaganomics to them and then the next thing you know

1, 2, 3 they're offing themselves trickle yourself 6 feet under how about that trickle down a little too I think a euthanasia service could do well. It's legal in Washington State. Where else is it legal? Canada.

Switzerland. It's really legal in Canada. They love it in Canada. They're a little... Oh, they're overzealous with the euthanasia, even from my taste. Wisdom teeth, huh? I can... I bet that hurts, don't it? They're a little... Oh, they're overzealous with the euthanasia, even from my taste. Wisdom teeth, huh? Bet that

hurts, don't it? That's gonna sting, buddy. You sure? This will make that pain go away. Oh, what is this? Like Tylenol or something? No, that'll kill you. Wait, what? Damn, almost got another one. It's your way out of that pain, sir. It's your way out of Canada. Turn your guns in now.

Turn your guns in. I have the list. Do you want to know where euthanasia is legal Yes sir Belgium, Canada, Colombia, Luxembourg The Netherlands, New Zealand, Spain And a few Australian states Hmm Those are mostly good countries

That's active euthanasia There's also passive euthanasia Where you just like remove the treatment and with life support america is there oh i thought you're referring to the way that every um like hostile nurse will give you enough vials of of whatever the the hospice so the list of things i read is active voluntary euthanasia i understand that's not america okay maybe i misunderstood what you're saying okay yeah because like that for those of us who are fortunate enough not to have to deal with that before like that with hostile cert at some point

someone will be like now make sure they don't take three of these because three of these man they'd have a real peaceful sleep and go on to heaven yeah i've had that conversation four of my friend did too go to hell it's weird by the way one of them make you horny as fuck you're like you gave me six i noticed that's right yeah they give you morphine because you're treating for someone who's dying and then they're like this amount deals with pain this amount puts them in a peaceful death and it's just like well what what you just taught me how to okay now we know yeah sure it's a it's an interesting uh philosophical question i think some there are some people whose version will be or whose morals tell them no you lay there and you suffer until God's done with you until he's done.

He'll let you know. Cause you won't be able because you'll die or the Taylor way. You contribute to the GDP. You selfish son of a bitch. Your kids need your paycheck from your lips to God's ears. You need reproduction. You can't, you can't greet anymore.

Bye bye. How do you feel about running the credit cards up of a dead loved one? Do you feel like that's that? Do you feel that? Don't you feel like, especially if the loved one cared about their credit, like that's a bit shameful to do to them. It doesn't transfer to us or anything.

No, no, that does not. Little tip for everyone in Minecraft. If the worst is going on in your world right now, then a loved one's credit cards at the end could be completely maxed out, and then they pass away, and so does their credit report and that debt. And yet the jet ski remains, Lord!

Yes! The jet ski remains. Hallelujah! Thank you for giving us this to do. Hopefully these people are worth more than nothing upon their death. Right? I was thinking to myself, because your estate

pays off the debt. If this is a person with any kind of inheritance, even a shitty one at like eight grand, well, shit, that's like your jet ski, I guess. I don't know what they cost. I don't know. I feel like you could liquidate all the assets long before the credit card companies

actually come for you in a legal kind of binding way that would matter. So you know what I mean? Who's that comedian who tells this story doug stanhope doug stanhope tells the story he's like i couldn't tell this until the statute of limitations is up but when my mom was dying of whatever she had degenerative painful disease there was a night when she finally decided this is it and she drank this like i don't know milkshake of opium and i gave it to her and we laughed and we said this and that.

He's like, and then I ran her credit cards up. And I'm like, he tells the whole bit. And in her dying days, she hit her credit limit on Amazon.com. Yeah. He even says stuff like that. He's like, but somehow through the haze, she managed to order a jet ski.

Look up Doug Stanhope mom or mom death credit card or something like that, and you'll find the clip. It's hysterical. Very, very funny bit. But I think I'm of the standpoint of like, I think it's a bit dishonorable to do that to their credit report because the United States capitalist system has made me believe that credit reports which were invented in 1989 are somehow akin to a person's worth and honorability isn't that great yeah you have

to be in debt to be worth something i think i wouldn't want to leave you with a bad credit report. What will the debtors think of you? Dishonored your family. Yeah, but that is how I think about credit. No, I think what Doug did was great. Big ups to Doug Stanhope for getting himself a Seedoo or whatever. New ethical life pro tip. Seersucker suits. Yeah, big time.

I mean, there's a reason we mentioned the statute of limitations on that one that's not minecraft statutes that's yeah that's uh i'm still kind of iffy on that one that's a that's a that's a weird moral one for me even though i'm perfectly okay with all the euthanasia yeah if you're old and sick you should be able to decide that how sick should you have to be what if you're just and sick you should be able to decide that how sick should you have to be what if you're just old and tired how old 75 all right that's a you're good you come in you're 75 you know you say i've had it hook me up what if you're 65 and you're looking for and you decide there's no more fun left, I'm going to pop smoke. Call it a life. Pop smoke.

Well, I guess there's no stopping you. He'll just go to fucking Belgium and then give the Belgians that euthanasia money instead of us. You can do it on your own on the cheap. That's true. But they're pros. And there's really no

reason to be a penny pincher on this. Can you imagine going through customs to kill yourself? Yeah. People do it. People do it. What a pain in the ass. The last experience on Earth is like they lost your luggage. It doesn't matter.

Actually, you're right. Yeah. You know what? Normally, this would bother me, but the truth is I don't need to bother this place. I don't mind that I'm banned from the airport. What does euthanasia sound like with a racist Asian accent? Ruth.

Fuck. Ooh. It sounds like youth of Asia, which also sounds like the youth. So also sounds like the youth of Asia so you could have like a really funny comedy movie where that was a misunderstanding that's what I thought it was the first time I heard it

like as a kid youth in Asia oh youth in Asia those kids are a real fucking problem apparently how have I never heard of that that'd be a good band name it's controversial we're the euthanasia I love that

that's a good kpop band name that's my new gamer tag euthanasia delete this part of the episode we're gonna we're gonna start our own four-person mark fes production oh we should just be terrible at it all right first question does anyone uh know how to play an instrument all right here's what we actually need let's make a drum yes we're a quarter of the way there because i was gonna play percussion that might be the first time we've ever had a good idea for a t-shirt. A fake band called Youth in Asia, and it's a band t-shirt.

And it looks like a real band t-shirt. With a picture of a band and a logo that says Youth in Asia. I like that. That's a good one. Get on it, Taylor! Right along with the poop site. All right. As soon as I get the final coding done on the poop site.

I come up with the ideas. Don't make me put the hot sauce in the bottle. I need to be busy all the time facilitating Kyle's ideas into reality. And again, Kyle, we're hemorrhaging money on the look and see pound. It's upsetting people. They don't want to go to the pound and touch the sick dogs. Watch, you know, forcing people to watch the death of a dog at a pound before they get there. So they realize how serious it is.

Yeah, that's I mean, that's how they made me keep my dog after I found out he was defective and bitey. You know, I got him home and he bit the other dog over food. Now, he doesn't do that anymore. It was just like his first day and he'd been in prison for a while. But but I was like, man, you got to go back, buddy. You bit the other dog over food now he doesn't do that anymore it was just like his first day and he'd been in prison for a while but uh but i was like man you got to go back buddy you bit the other dog and they're like you know we're gonna kill him right i'm like what yeah we're gonna smoke his ass as soon as you leave and i was i i didn't make a full-on scene but i was like a like a like a little bit of a care and i was like come on rocky let's get out of here we're not gonna let him kill

you and i like said it enough for the people in the like like the area around me to hear i was like yeah they weren't murderers they're gonna kill him if i don't take him and they didn't tell me that he had a metal rod on his leg and he's bitey look at his leg and they're like oh anyway happy hunting like Like, just sleeping. Well, you guys want to call it a show? Thank you so much for joining us on our four-hour quest for the truth. Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure. Yes.

I did enjoy meeting you very much. I've wanted to have you on the show for a long time. I often talk about you. I love watching your Tarkov videos. I've watched hundreds of hours of you. It's weird that way way I know how it is but thank you for coming on it was fun to chat with you

yeah it was great thank you all very much you want to direct them to your YouTube or your Twitch or your Twitter or you got an OnlyFans I do all that stuff no OnlyFans yet although we came up with some good ideas on this show a little showmanship that could go a long way for you i would do a whole outdoorsman motif okay we're gonna start with log splitting because there's a lot of double

entendres there i'm picturing you in a red flannel shirt it's tucked in no pants you got the shorts shorts i can tell you look good in shorts i i know he's right i gotta read on you you're gonna be standing with his legs and he's got his axe above it but the the unsplit log is covering his dick very clearly yeah and it's a big log that would be that would be great like just like comedy like male pornography like that that, that'd be hysterical. I like it. I mean... Naked men aren't sexy ever. Naked men are funny. Women get to be sexy when they're naked.

Men get to be funny when they're naked. Yeah. That's good. Thank you very much, sir. Thank you. Check out our sponsors and buy our jizz fucking pills down there. They work. The drugs work too. Join our Patreon

and you can hang out with us and have awkward conversations where one of us will absolutely yell at you before it's over. Yeah, you don't know who it might be, but you could probably.