Painkiller Already - PKA 649: Free Bud Light, Don’t Pick Poor Parents, Shoe Shaming

Episode Date: May 27, 2023

pka 649 just the boys this week this episode of pka brought to you by lock and load freeze pipe and of course real dbg.com bunch of wonderful sponsors talk about them later how are you gentlemen doing dude i took one of those i hadn't had a gummy in a while and i popped two in my mouth the other day uh just just you know making dinner i was like I want to be stoned after dinner, like during my movie. Oh, God. I woke up at four in the morning. It put me out at like 9 p.m. and I woke up at four in the morning.

I took two of the DBGs. The big death by... The not fucking around kind. For sure. My tolerance on those goes up and down, depending on obviously how much I'm using. But, you know, I haven't had one in a month or something like that. So two knocked me fucking

unconscious. Two is quadruple my dose. If I take half of one of those, so mostly I take one just as like a sleeping aid. I take one, it does a couple things. It gives me lots of tolerance for this bedtime routine that I think takes too long. And, you know know it puts me to

bed whose routine is this that's taken so long basically putting colin to sleep oh okay there's there's a lot of pushback and just pain in the ass and it goes like whatever i was picturing like american psycho creams and jackals and things like oh that's how woody looks so young it's not natural it's just good lighting. I imagine Jackie flipping the light switch on and off eight times in every room in the house. I thought there was a ritual ritual. You guys ever know anybody like that? Yeah, I was like that as a kid.

Everybody's like, oh, I'm so OCD. I forget my keys all the time. Bro, that's not what OCD is. You're just dumb. No, it's debilitating and it's terrible. For example, part of the nighttime routine, he plugs in his iPad to make sure it's charging. And then he hits the

button to make sure it's charging. And he'll do that 60 times. Just to make sure. It's still charging, right? Yeah, it's still charging. 60 is an exaggeration. Maybe 30. But it's a lot. It's a lot. And it's like, Colin, I want you to look at your iPad. Hold it. See that it's charging.

Ask yourself, do I see that it's charging? And see that it's charging. And now when you turn it off, you'll remember, yes, it was definitely charging. And this works sometimes. Whenever I hear a problem like this, my little brain wants to make solutions for it. And I'm just like, what if his screen was projected onto the wall? Really dim. And anytime he looked up from bed, he's like, yep, still charging. Right? It's tempting to get into stuff like that, but that's not what... He knows it's still charging. There's a base issue

that's just not going to change. There there's gonna be an issue with the projector he's compelled to go through this cycle yeah so you know the yeah yeah i've never experienced that in real life or if i have uh i'm sure the people that i've known like hit it uh for whatever reason i guess it could be a little embarrassing if you're flipping light switches i just always remember that movie as good as it gets with jack nicholson and the little fucking dog it's a it's a real four star movie in it he does he has severe ocd and uh he his uh his gay neighbor gets hate crimed and there's no one to watch the dog and so cuba gooding jr who's the gay neighbor's boyfriend bullies jack nicholson he's like you're gonna watch this dog you're

gonna watch this dog i'm watching and i'm watching you and he's like like shoves him a little he's like no don't touch don't touch like is he so he's germaphobe too on top of everything else that's a common crossover and so he takes the little dog in and the more he keeps the little dog the more the dog he realizes this little dog's like him like the little dog is is crotchety um it likes when he plays the piano. What are you doing? And he's compulsively washing his paws. Yeah.

Like close. So the, when he walks down the street, Jack Nicholson won't step on the cracks in the sidewalk. He can't. And so that makes him bump into people on the New York streets constantly. And they're like, get out of my way.

Asshole. And he's like, don't touch, don't touch. He doesn't want to be touched and he can't step on the cracks and he's walking through New York. So it's a problem. And he looks down one day and the little dog

stepping over the cracks too. And he's like, don't you be like me. Don't you be like me, you little fucker. And these ladies are watching and they're like, oh, I wish someone would treat me like that. It's a beautiful movie.

The dog likes Jack Nicholson more loves him and then jack nicholson says oh it was all a scam i've had bacon in my pocket this whole time and i think in watching that maybe i was casually paying attention i took it as true but that was an act of kindness for the dog's actual owner yeah where he was pretending to have bacon in his pocket the whole time yeah gay owner gets out of the hospital terribly disfigured and uh it's time for the dog to go back to him and jack nicholson's going go on go on go to look fucking faggot and finally he's like you know why he likes me more than you is i keep this i don't step on the cracks yeah and it's and it's just pitiful

he still doesn't want it's a great movie you've never dealt with invasive thoughts and like the ocd shit i was the most so much 10 year old you've ever met like i so what he was saying like lots of people are like oh i'm ocd like i was diagnosed OCD at like 10. It was, I had to, everything had to be balanced. I would be like unable to focus on anything in school because I would notice that I had leaned on the left side of my desk too long. And I would have to try and think about how exactly long I leaned on that side of the desk so I could counteract it with the other side. I would have to turn off lights and like check locks multiple times.

I would have to turn off lights and like check locks multiple times. When I was driving, the only thing I still do now is this next thing. When I was a kid, you know, I would be in the backseat like driving and I would have to blink like exactly between the two telephone poles, like estimating exactly where the middle point would be and try and blink on that and i will still catch myself sometimes trying to blink at exactly the middle point between uh telephone poles um god i used to have invasive thoughts like if i don't do something i knew i wasn't supposed to my grandparents are going to die and go to hell yeah and so it'd be like push johnny off his bike or your grandma's going to be in a car accident and die and it'll be your job and like no i wouldn't i wouldn't indulge in that like i wouldn't shove kids or do that i would just be like i know this isn't real but like you can't not obsess over it so it's it's all like everything had to like move the same way if i walked somewhere like down the hallway like and i

if it was like not the right number of steps or I stepped on, like I would do, I guarantee I looked like a fucking goober walking around the lunchroom as a 10 year old because I also wasn't stepping on cracks. I was walking around. I always thought I'm like, I just need to walk the way that a knight moves in chess so that it looks natural and I'm still not stepping on the cracks. I had a ton of these as a kid. When we moved from Morristown to Ocean City in my childhood, part of it was for getting bullied for different like ticks that I couldn't not do. I was training my hair to go to the side and I would brush it with my fingers like that, but way too much. And in fifth grade,

there were like, or sixth grade, there were like teams of children that would walk pigeon toed like I did and brush their hair like incessantly doing this like Woody imitation of just making fun of me. It was nice. Yeah. I disagree. I had a, I had a, a sound I would make like, like sloshing bubbles through my lips. My parents hated it. It was like an embarrassment that was audible and I would hit myself to like get over that. Like through the teeth and back, like through your teeth to your lips. It was on the sides like this.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. I've never heard that. And, um, uh, and i have a bunch of these and the when taylor talked about the balance thing i was like are you me even to this day if jackie wants to like fuck with me she'll squeeze one toe and then stop there and just like vanish and it's the other toe needs squeezing we all know this yes this. It should be balanced out. Even as an adult, to be courteous, it should be balanced.

Everything in balance, little one. I know that nothing bad is going to happen, but let's be safe. Anywhere where there's folds of skin, like between your fingers, how they kind of make folds of skin, sometimes depending on it, I would be constantly doing this like like like like sort of like exercising that to make that i don't know i don't know what it was to get to stop and then you know like the corners of your eyelids i'd constantly be going to like open them up all the way so they wouldn't stick and then like corners of my mouth too and then um my hair oh my god they thought i was gay because i'd twirl my hair all fucking day i'm twirling yeah that's

because they call me twirling my hair with my classmates dick in my mouth you know nobody else twirls their hair when they suck it kyle i wasn't pulling it out thank god um i remember there was a girl who did pull her hair out i remember her name renee renee rice renee rice pulled her hair out until she had these bald patches everywhere and i'm sure it was something terrible at home was happening or whatever but i didn't do that but i twirled that shit and i made these little like you know little ponytails or and i'm just like i don't have a braid hair or anything but i'm like making little i don't know a little twirling that shit up for whatever reason and incessantly and then the inside of my mouth like the inside of my cheeks

i'm biting it i'm like chewing like open wounded kind of i can still feel them they're rough now because as a kid i'd be sitting there for hours at a time chewing the thin layers of skin off and like spitting them i don't know why the same reason you can't sit in a chair right it's true i don't know why um and now like wait taylor can't sit in a chair right we just you know that's his thing i used to fall out of my chair at dinner as a kid all the time like i i don't know why but my dad was like as a kid you just fucking we'd be like sitting down it's just bad i'll just be sitting there eating and he's like yeah i would look up to a huge noise and taylor you'd just be on the ground like because you'd be i guess i would sit on the chair and try to just like lean while i was eating and balance on the two legs and

made an ass thing i do now i wonder if people relate to this. I sometimes take my mouse. I wish you could see it. And I'll like go back and forth over one side of the window. In this case, it's my browser. And then I have to do the left side enough times to even it out and then put it in the center. Yeah.

That's you know what I do? The areas in between where all of our screens are like, I'll often like move my mouse, like to make sure i'm not touching the screen oh you guys still have this oh i'm sorry kyle i'm interrupting you but i'm thank you um it's almost as if you don't get over it but you choose things that are totally tolerable right like i have a bunch of ticks i i when i get into the elevator i just fucking blink hard and freak the fate fuck out with like my face whole expressions

um but i don't have like audible ticks hey dude look on camera b this guy is sketching out in the elevator yeah elevators are like a thing for like is it claustrophobia? No, it's privacy. Like, oh my gosh, I've been suppressing this event for so long that I'm ready to just let go. Like the fart you take after a date. Like as soon as she's out of that car. Oh my God, the biggest farts in my life have been after women got out of my car after a four-hour date. It's that fart. You've bottled them up until they go back up your intestines you're like oh i hope that's healthy you feel it like you're the reverse gurgle up like oh yeah no one's in my stomach now my next burp's gonna be stinky

i mean being a nice restaurant should have cushioned chairs do not sit me on that hard piece of wood embarrass me in front of these people so like i i those girls would get out of my car and it's just and i'm just like oh it's like the resonance frequency of the windows and it's like a bass it's like um they'll be digital yeah the tolerable thing like like switching to ticks that are more tolerable and less uh visual like now it's cracking my knuckles and my toes like like i'm i gotta i gotta get them all exercised and i call it limbering up is it bad for you i never got i've done a little research on this because i was worried because they started hurting um especially like the little ones on the like the pinkies because i do this thing where i start at the here and like roll over um popping them like fucking batman or some

shit that's where i saw it the first time. I distinctly remember watching Batman crack his knuckles and being like, that's my thing now. I'm the knuckle cracking guy. I'm the knuckle cracking guy. And now I can't stop. And before I started taking testosterone,

the pinky ones were really hurting. So much so that I had to be like, stop doing it. I would go to do it. I'd be like, you're hurting yourself. Stop. And it went away. It felt like I was developing minor arthritis. And then it just stopped hurting.

And it's fine to do this? It sounds like it's bad. The Internet says it's not bad for you. And then the wives tales tell you that it's it will call it cause arthritis my thought is i do it so much and so hard that i might be an outlier in this regard and they're like yeah popping your knuckles doesn't hurt how often do you do it i don't know once a week oh because i do it 15 times an hour yeah secondly recharge i pop them again yeah it's gonna be recharged i'm ready to go again. I mean, I'm doing it now. I have the same across, across. Backwards cracker?

I don't like that. No, no, no. First I go down, and then I go across, get any leftovers, and then I hit every little mini digit all the way down. You can get four pops per finger, and you have to get all four. Otherwise, it's a mess. I get my thumbs. I'm going to town, and then I'm moving to the feet.

Yeah, that's a problem. Taylor, what happens if a knuckle won't crack? Oh, nothing. I don't really really care it's just more like you know sometimes you try and pop a knuckle and like it won't go and then you go a little too hard and you're like it wasn't ready and i like hurt my finger a little bit that was stupid like that's that's all i'll do i can crack my big toe i kind of bend it and pull it out and it gives me a nice big toe knuckle crack. You guys have seen me do it, but I bend all my toes down like my

fingers. All of them go down like this and they all pop from bending them down. That's not normal. Yeah, probably not. Probably not. Is it called swan's disease? Do you have that? It's a swan neck deformity thing that I think affects my finger there and

all my hand joints. I think it's probably, you know, in other places, cause my shoulders dislocate fairly easily. I've done it. They haven't popped out where I'm screaming, but it's been like, Oh no, it was just about to like, there's this intense, sharp pain. If I lift my shoulder the wrong way, and it's not like a nagging injury, like a sore thing. It's like you engaged that joint in the perfect way with weight so that it was just about to come out. I've done it before with cables and stuff like that. If I just lift it up a certain way, I get this piercing pain. But again, it's not like that's an injured sore spot. It's like you're about to throw your shoulder out.

So I don't know. But I try not to do too many ticks anymore um i will say every now and then if i have an intrusive thought like uh like i'll remember some stupid thing i said in fifth grade embarrassed myself and i'll go fuck i'm like what are you yelling out loud for anybody here i'll literally have a little tourette's moment where i where i where i where I like curse from from like the that thought will hit me and it'll hurt a little so why'd you say that like god I'm such a cringe idiot I hate myself oh my god I mean it's not quite like I think you've got the most embarrassing moment I've ever heard with that poop story yeah but I'll think back to moments like that that I've had, and I'll just be like, inward!

I'm all alone. I'm all alone. You know? You just say it to get it out, you know, get those feelings out. A little hard R therapy. Yeah. Yeah, that's what he's meaning. I heard inward, and I'm like,

I don't understand what inward is opposed to outward. I totally lost it. That's because you're a good point, man. You're an ally. I'm an ally I don't understand inward as opposed to outward. I totally lost it. That's because you're a good point. You're an ally. I'm an ally. I am. I know we've been watching from and we're all kind of hate watching it now. Not loving it so much, man.

I'm hate watching. Actually, I quit last night in season two. I was hate watching the Godfather of Harlem, which none of you have ever heard of. Despite having one of the coolest casts of all time, they went out and got everybody from the Sopranos, Goodfellas, Casino, that's still alive, and they put them in a TV show with Forrest Whitaker. I mean, there's a bunch of them. Bumpy Johnson, I think, was this black gangster's name in Harlem back in like the 30s or 40s.

No, no, no, maybe later than that. Anyway, in the old days, Bumpy Johnson. And apparently he was a big deal he's i don't know why they call him bumpy i don't know but uh the show's about him forrest whitaker plays him and the problem is i understand he's a powerful gangster and that the certainly the people in harlem have to respect him but man he just seems to get away with anything he wants to do. It's just such a ridiculous show. For one thing, one of the New York Five families, mob families, is led by Vincent D'Onofrio. And his daughter is having sex with a black man. She has a black boyfriend. The boss of a New York Five families mafia family. His daughter has a black boyfriend,

and he takes so long to kill that guy. Takes so long to kill? Is it not like Kings and Queens, where he would marry his daughter to the, or his son to the daughter of the black gang leader, make an alliance? No, no. There's a lot of things like that.

Race relations is kind of right there in the middle it's during the time it's obviously not the 30s because it's malcolm x and martin luther king so it's the uh 60s um but i hate it i fucking hate it i fucking hate how stupid it is how how nonsensical it is he's like having cops killed like cops are afraid of him like cops aren't afraid of people now cops are afraid of anyone now there's no way they were ever afraid of him like cops aren't afraid of people now cops are afraid of anyone now there's no way they were ever afraid of a black gangster in new york like he's gonna put a bag over your head and suffocate you you know cops are not gonna allow that yeah they're an army i am addicted to succession i'm only 40 four episodes in four that's not a lot in season one

but um here's the what succession is about there is a media enterprise it seems to be a cross between fox news because it's like conservative news and disney because they have a theme park and a cruise line so it's this like conservative disney and um the leader it's family owned like fox news and the patriarch of this family is in poor health it was my understanding before i saw this saw the show that he was gonna die and the kids would squabble over who led it next but four episodes in he's like recovering and back in charge so i don't know how long this death is going to be drawn out or if he really dies or if i'm just misinformed i'm not sure he's the main guy is that brian cox yeah i'm not good i love brian cox he's good he does a good job and um

they tease his competence like every so often it's like oh all right he's getting his head back he's being he's making smart moves and then he accidentally like pees in the office not realizing it's not the urinal and you're like all right so that that was a slip he's not playing with a full deck and uh all the kids are like in the as you introduce to the kids some of them seem like just total fuck-ups and other ones are like the golden children and then you learn like actually all of them are a little more competent than it seems and a little more flawed than it seems. And it's hard to pick which one is really the golden child. Is Kieran McCulkin in that show?

I'm sorry. McCulley's brother? Oh, he looks a bit like him. Kieran McCulkin? Is that not his name? Kieran? I don't know the man's name. No, come on.

You're Woody in it. It's not Keenan McCulkin. Let's never change this topic. Let's talk about this for the next three hours and four days. Woody's sitting there schadenfreuding right now. Is it really not Kieran? You're getting that part right.

You're getting his last name wrong. Oh, what did I say? You said Kieran McCulkin like McCully Culkin McCulkey oh my god when you take the first name off it is hard McCully Culkin

Kieran Culkin I didn't know he had a brother I want McCully to be part of the other guy's name I wonder if Kieran Culkin is the brother that's not that ambitious seemingly at first um just looking at the family resemblance i think i might know which one he's the really uh short one oh is he yeah that's kind of greasy see in his face like like the whole guy like they have no no that's not our features anyway i am just like ever i think you've been this way with um what is the game the two of you played recently warhammer warhammer where you're like all right i'm doing this but i low-key wish i was doing

that right now i'm pulled to it i'm addicted to the show that's where i am with that show right now i'm just good i'm glad you're, you're liking it. I wish I did. What I'm, what I'm not looking forward to is this onion that I cut up. So we see it better. It's hard to see through the plastic wrap. There it is. Oh, that's an onion.

It's a bunch. It's a, I picked the most accurate white onion I could find Kyle for you. Very nice. And my eyes hurt pouring cranberry juice into it. I don't know what the effect of that would be. I don't know. I was just joking around about making as horrific as possible. I was like, you're going to pour juice on there and eat it like cereal, right?

I hope. Not V8. Tomato would actually be good because then you've almost got a soup, right? Little known fact. Packed with protein. Superfood. There's no protein in there at all. Not even a little. There's so much protein in it.

It's packed with protein. It's mostly acid and fiber. What the audience doesn't know is he cut that onion at that desk shortly before the show. We all get on a few minutes before the show starts. His eyes we all get on a few minutes before

the show starts his eyes are so red he'll be crying guys tearing up over there i don't there's no way i'm gonna be able to eat an entire onion no one can eat an entire onion you just finished off that slice well is that a dare maybe two or three i mean that's gayer than twirling your hair and i mean i eat my onions by the bus, but if you want to one at a time, all right. Yeah. I'm going to get all sorts of, I'm going to get every bit of vitamins from this onion because I haven't

eaten anything today. There can't be much nutritional value in an onion. Zach, go ahead and pull the nutrition value on an onion up. That's a white onion, Zach, not yellow. Which was a fortune. You know what? I almost... I was about to really pull a sweet tea and a vodka bottle and buy a Vidalia

onion, and I was like... Someone would probably be able to tell. What's a Vidalia onion? Vidalia, Georgia. It's the only place in the world you can get a Vidalia onion onion is Videlia, Georgia. It's kind of like... Is that true?

It is. It's like it's not champagne, unless it's from the Champagne region of France. That's exactly what the comparison I was going to use. Yeah, they're sweet onions. They're very large sometimes. Like, I've seen them huge. They're the onions that we use for blooming onions. There was one time where I had a blooming onion making kit

and you buy these three or four pound onions that are huge. You make a whole gigantic blooming onion. I've tasted blooming onion and I like it, but even the fattest, most decadent version of me didn't really eat blooming onions. It was just too much.

It's so good. That dipping sauce is so good. It's just mayonnaise and fucking spices or something. Bloomin' onions are amazing, but no. It's a giant fried, battered onion. I've really enjoyed the double backlash

from the LGBT community. First with Bud Light. Obviously, the double backlash from the uh lgbt community with uh first with bud light right obviously the bud light partners with dylan mulvaney i believe uh the the trans uh person and then huge backlash from the right pouring beer out throwing it away we're not gonna drink your beer anymore lots of money lost still hurting them and experts i read today are surprised that it didn't blow over faster oh it will not blow over fast like i'm if i put myself in the shoes of a person on the right first of all it's not good beer that's a big problem uh so they're not gonna be like man she's pretty hot actually i didn't i guess i never really looked at it i'd fuck oh yeah yeah i don't go outside or anything so i don't see these things

oh um i i think that of never mind won't anyhow um uh finster is much better looking yeah finster would have been a better choice deal with this the the average bud light commercial uh drinker is not gonna forgive and forget but what's been really interesting is bud light went back right they i don't know if they fired but they definitely put that lady who came up with that marketing campaign on like leave or something like she's on vacation yeah and and now the camos have horses and camouflage on them right they get clydesdales and camo. That's the Bud Light cans right now.

They're aluminum bottles. Clydesdales and camo. That's what the camo is implying. That's their fucking right wing dog. Look at this camo. What's that go with? Guns. All right.

Get to it, boys. American. They're like, yeah, to shoot queers with. They're not going to come back around on this. The funny part is the people on the far left are like, we see that Bud Light was a fake ally. Fuck them. No gay bars are pouring their beer out,

like not serving their beer even. The left has done the same thing. So, yeah, I love it. I love it. Because one of the things I hate, and it has nothing to do with trans people or any of that. I hate when companies one of the things I hate, and it has nothing to do with, it has nothing to do with trans people or, or any of that. I hate when companies fake caring about things and from the NBA and the NFL to fucking Bud Light over here with their goddamn camouflage cans. When it was this last week,

get out of here. Who are you trying to appeal to? Who's your customer base? Those are aluminum, I assume. Yeah. Yeah. They, you trying to appeal to? Who's your customer base? Those are aluminum, I assume? Yeah. You were right, Kyle. I didn't think they'd be recovered by now,

but I didn't think they would still be absolutely tanking. Bud Light as a brand, as the largest banner of any beer on Earth, is down a third. I have a stupid question. It's insane it spread to bud yeah yeah like all all of the anheuser-busch uh banners are taking a hit for the most part like especially bush banners like uh stuff like stuff like mick ultra um globe stuff yeah natty light the natural like All of that is theirs. They have a ton of stuff like Blue Moon. I don't know how much that's been impacted, but that's a small percentage of their revenue.

As much as people like to make fun of people on the right or whoever. They don't drink Bud Light, but then they'll drink a Michelob. Same company. All over Facebook. Everybody's like, here are the beers we drink now. Here are the American beers. And then, of course, you've always got a MyPillow type guy who steps in.

How about y'all buy a six pack of Patriot Ale for $25? Patriot Ale? Yeah. Get you some Patriot Ale. Say $5 off a pack of nine millimeter over at PatriotAle.com. That's a big drop. That's a big drop. Is it like 67, 57?

It's a big drop, but a a big drop. Is it like 67, 57? It's a big drop, but a lot of it's going to be delayed. So a huge issue with what's happening to them right now is they have enormous sums of stock that is taking up space that is not selling. Like they're offering full price rebates right now. They're buying back here. You can go to Walmart right now and grab as many containers of Bud Light as you want. And there's a QR code that gives you a full refund. You get free beer. That's how much extra they have right now

is they are trying to get it gone. This is like oil in 2019. Yeah. By the way, if anybody's got a gun channel that's listening right now, you just found your target, right? Like,

do I have to walk you through this? Go get yourself as many fucking cases of Bud Light as you can. It's cheaper than water. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. It's free. Yeah.

Yeah. If you were still doing your gun channel, you'd be shooting nothing but Bud Light. Please. I'd be riding a Clydesdale in like, with a spinning uh like shotgun another thousand free targets ma'am thank you i just want the world i'd make it out like they've been raping the horse at the bud light stables because they're into that now oh my god cancel culture thing that gets pinned on the left can we agree at this moment

it's both sides you know we call it consequence culture on the right woody well no uh cancel culture i always think of cancel culture as like individuals and like like i don't think they're trying to cancel bud light i think they're boycotting it the same way like you boycott big companies and stuff canceling i can't cancel i know what he's saying but canceling is like when a bunch of people pile on someone and do what they did to that white pregnant woman in New York recently with that bike story.

That's canceling. When a bunch of people come together and fucking try to ruin someone's life. I think of canceling as more career stuff. See, Louis C.K. is a good example of canceling. Yeah, I agree with that. To me, canceling is me cancel i guess i have less empathy for bud light and big corporations than than people it's when it becomes um it's when you

all of a sudden it's acceptable to be mean to you and it's acceptable for like mainstream media to talk shit on you and they can score points that way that's when i consider someone called uh canceled when they can be like disgraced so-called comedian louis ck dog shit today literally here he is in the park with his children look and everybody's like ha ha bigot everybody's just bigot that wasn't even what he did wrong but i can see him saying it like it's not right he wouldn't have stepped in a black dog shit, I guarantee you. He'd have jumped over sideways. First of all, I think we're all in agreement. Louis C.K. did nothing wrong.

He asked everybody if he could jack off on the phone, and he jacked off on the phone. He said, can I jack off in front of you? And they said yes. Look, doesn't that make you a little bit nervous about your own sexual history? It's like, well, I mean, I don't get off on jerking off in front of women necessarily. I mean, maybe a little bit nervous about your own sexual history it's like whoa well i mean i don't get off on like jerking off in front of women necessarily i mean i mean maybe a little but but like i would think that if i wanted to engage in that step one would be like hey how you doing you know yeah i got this thing i like um let me run this by you like if that is not acceptable

then where are we do i need to write a letter do i need to write a letter oh my god you need to wear a body cam like cops yeah i need because i i don't know how you like approach somebody to fuck them the problem is louis ck's ugly i think promise louis ck is not a good looking guy maybe i bet if he was john stamos and he was like hey i have permission from all these ladies ladies right it's like i can't fathom them doing this voluntarily therefore it's rape adjacent i think that's part of it i i think i hadn't thought of it but i'd like it's a good thought and he is an unfortunate looking man that's what makes him that's what spurred him on to become so talented i wonder how he looked when he was young not probably not great he's not great he's no top did tom segura look good young yeah zach show me tom

segura just type tom segura young and handsome i'd like to see louis ck after um if you can find him afterwards i just think gingers in general you know like especially those big chubby boston gingers like him i don't think he ever i think he started losing his hair at like 22 and i thought that was a redhead thing, that it was more common. I Googled it because I was curious, and it's not the same as everyone else. It's more obvious on redheads, I think, is a part of it. Yeah, look at Tom Segura. He's a good-looking man, especially there in the middle.

Yeah, the middle one was his peak, I think. Is that him currently? Tom Segura. Yeah. Well, I don't know. He looks way skinnier than I remember him. Oh, you don't know? Tom Segura got jacked. I think he's on T. Oh't know. He looks way skinnier than I remember him. Oh, you don't know? Tom Segura got jacked.

I think he's on T. Oh, yeah. He looks good. Joe Rogan's body's on T? It sounds like you're not aware of how jacked Tom Segura is. Tom Segura is in very good shape. Good for him. Is he the one that hurt his knee going for a layup?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's so nice when you see that happen. Well, not him crumpling like a dead spider. He clearly, that impacted him. And he was like, oh, my God. I just broke two bones trying to lay up a basketball.

Did he break two bones? For some reason, I thought it was a knee. I'm sure you're right. I remember he went up. Yeah, he went up on his knee and his knee blew out and then he fell back on his arm and he folded that up behind him and he was all he was all crunched up yeah they didn't know what they didn't want to touch him he looked so bad like they didn't know how to roll him over without putting him in even more awful pain and after something like that happens to you you either like well fuck i just you know everything's lost i'm just gonna keep you know eating and treating my body like shit or you do what he did and like reverse everything can you find the fittest version of tom segura

possible because while you're at it really got it together have you seen dana white's like one year transformation uh he's always been jacked no he got a little puffy high blood pressurey like he got round and strong he did a one-year transformation reveal recently and he looks like a professional athlete does he like yeah like like adonis lines and like full six-pack and i think we need to get usado on that transformation and see what i mean all there's a reason everybody's on t like everybody is and especially that joe rogan crowd you know that he's in all their ears like dude just get on it there's my doctor talk to dr dave talk to dr tom looks good there i see

he's got the knee brace i think i've seen him action poses that make him look even better or um uh a tighter shirt like an athletic cut shirt yeah all of his boys are on testosterone look at his arms though like he's got biceps yeah he's got muscles he's got defined bicep little apples sitting on top not you know what i mean i know kyle's looking at it like keep trying kid but i'm absolutely not i'm looking at a guy who probably doesn't even have like an arm pump going on there who's just got a lot of mass there that is not fat. That's a big, strong man. I saw Burt Kreischer, who I also think is a big, strong man, believe it or not.

I think he's the natural athlete of them. He always says he is, and I buy it. When they talk about some of his athletic feats, despite his drinking habits and his lifestyle, they make him say... Athletic feats? Yeah. What's a feat of his athletic feats despite his drinking habits and his lifestyle they make him sense yeah what's the feat of his like running a marathon with like one time he stood up out of a chair i think he ran a marathon with like no preparation he was like yeah i can run a marathon they're like dude are you fucking crazy people train for years and he's like watch this shit oh so he's just lying yeah i think he did it no no one has ever walked up to a marathon and done it and been like, damn,

who wants beers? Like I guarantee you, I could do it because here's the, here's why I say this. I've been listening to the moth and I caught two, the moth. If you don't know, it was like competitive storytelling and two people were talking about

their marathon experiences. And in each case, they were the slowest person in the marathon. And like, one of them has like an ambulance following them, which is the sweeper. And like, they just let everyone know, like, when this event is that we're about four miles out, you know, this person's going, I think we're about this pace, an hour and a half away from being done. I start doing the math and I'm like, oh, eight hours. You ran a marathon

in eight hours? 26 miles in eight hours. There doesn't have to be any running involved. That's walking with lunch breaks. I can do that. I guarantee you I could finish a marathon. You've done it before. That doesn't count. Have you ever hiked that far maybe? Like, you know, when you're doing the John Murren Trail or whatever the thing was.

John Murren. Yeah, yeah. I want to say we topped out at like 14 or 16 miles in a day. But we had a pack on. My pack weighed like 75, 60 pounds. Yeah. And were you like pooped? Was it like fall on the ground and collapse?

Or was it set up camp and eat dinner? Exactly. It was that. It was all we should stop now because we want to have two hours before sun goes down to set everything up and start the fire. Yeah, I'm with you on this. I don't know much about running. It doesn't count. If you're doing a sub-five hour

thing, you jump in. That's a runner. That's a person who's done a thing. Yeah, it's like five miles an hour or something. Well, then you can't count that you've done a marathon. It doesn't count if you've walked at all. Oprah ran a marathon. I want to know what Oprah's marathon time was.

Yeah. No, walking a bunch of miles slowly is not running a marathon. I believe him that he drunkenly ambled 26 miles in between bars for 10 hours or whatever. But that does not a marathon make. Which circles us back to what's time because if we don't know bird's time we have i got it that's such a lie the man the myth the legend burt chrysler the person inspired my weight loss journey oh my god this is like one of those recipe things where they're gonna give me a goddamn story um burt chrysler ran the la marathon 26.2

miles he did it in five hours and 33 minutes with zero preparation. And then he ran a half marathon on two weeks notice, and then a full marathon four months later. The man has an iron will. And then they go on and on, kissing his ass. Oh, and then here's his official times. Like on the website, they show his placement. It's a 5.33.33.

He averaged, his pace was a 12 point a 12 minute and five second uh mile um uh throughout so what's that's one of the cases i mean that's if you ask me i don't think i could do that well i couldn't do that no i don't think i could do ashton kutcher did sub four hours nice but he's yeah i bet he trained with a fuck whenever i hear that stuff it's like yeah i bet ashton kutcher probably hired four hours. Nice. But he's athletic. I bet he trained with a fuck. Whenever I hear that stuff, it's like, yeah, I bet Ashton Kutcher probably hired a goddamn. He was like, hey, did you win the marathon last year? I win it every year. Hey, you want to be buddies? Yes, I do.

I've done this before. He has an African accent, though, because he's from Kenya, clearly. Oh, yes. I win every year. When are the rest of the Reds going to start trying? I'm tired of these. Kevin Hart did about four hours, 4.05. People can't see that.

Chelsea Clinton. That's like 50 miles to him. Four hours. Yeah. I didn't know she was a runner like that. I bet she ran in college. She never looked that skinny. Yeah, I bet she ran it slow, but I mean.

Gordon Ramsey did 330. Now, Gordon Ram college. He never looked that skinny. Yeah, I bet you ran it slow, but I mean, you don't go up against the Clintons. Gordon Ramsey did 330. Now, Gordon Ramsey. He's fit. He fluctuates, I think, a little bit, but his peak is very good. Is he? He's got to be. You think so?

I admire Gordon Ramsey tremendously because he's a man who wasn't a good-looking man for a part of his life. I think being over those stoves and ovens as intensely as he was really wrinkled his face. And his chin did that weird thing where it got like a crease in his chin. It turned into like a raisin where it had so many folds and unnatural like folds. Did I see his picture, Zach? It's like chin does that when he grimaces, or when he used to grimace. And he does a lot of grimacing. Maybe that adds to it. Slow down, Pam.

I bet the TV coverage is great for Pam Anderson running a marathon. She finishes with two black eyes. Pamela Anderson did it in 5 minutes, 41 seconds. For those that didn't get the joke. Oh, 5 hours and 41 minutes. I'm stupid.

Oh, he's looking good. He's had plastic surgery. They fixed his chin there. It's like he's sucking on something sour. They worked on his forehead some because his forehead has always been really, really creased and wrinkled. And his hairline has done a lot of stuff.

I've seen it change over the years but i love gordon i love that he's he hasn't gone like freak mode you know and like like uh who is it the judges uh are used to judge back in the day american idol um who's that guy simon cowell simon cowell went almost michael he's halfway to michael jackson we saw a picture of him. He looks horrific. Yes, real bad. Ugly and didn't he start...

He sort of had a, you know, the Sammy Sosa kind of Frankenberry face he's evolved into. A little bit. I was thinking Donatella. Who's the designer? Donatella Barbarici. Fuck off.

Anyway, that plastic bloated fake face versace donatella versace yeah she's got that crazy plastic surgery like that too um yeah that's that's unfortunate i've seen dude they do a better job than that at the mortuary dude on the right he looks like my attempt at a wax sculpture he looks so bad on the right that i have to hope it's temporary like he's swollen a little bit he he should have stayed even match yeah it's wowsers i don't know that's terrible is he does he do anything anymore like is he still yelling at people on tv and some uh yeah american idols he's got an empire of those things it's not that he is it america's got talent is that what he does now i'm mixed up yeah so x factor okay so i don't follow that stuff at all but it used to be america's got talent that was the story the thing he had like eight years ago ten years ago but the thing

was howard stern had that job america's got Talent was hosted by Howard Stern, Howie Mandel, and that blonde ex model, Natasha, I don't know who. Pretty blonde lady, like model. And basically, Cowell conspired with network executives to steal Howard Stern's job. He was like, you give me the job and I'll do this on these other projects, too. I'll commit to this, that, and the other. He gave them a lot of stuff that Howard couldn't do because Howard's just giving part-time on Thursday nights or something like that because he has a radio show.

So Howard took that well. Where's the doubt meme? He fucking declared war on Simon Cowell. There would be segments where he just went off on what aon cowell and like he would there would be segments where he just went off on the what a thief and a piece of shit he was for for a long time and and of course everybody's there like yeah scumbag can you believe it subhuman garbage and then you know they riff on him for an hour how much howard really cares. Is it a bit that he enjoys doing? Does he just not like that he maybe took an L and prefers to relitigate it? Or does he really wish he had that

job? Howard has transitioned from that shock jock of the 90s and maybe even early 2000s to this master interviewer and this guy who can slide in. If you're an A-list celebrity, you're not embarrassed to take a picture with howard stern you're like oh yeah howard slide in here there was a time when that was not true at all he was the guy who would ambush you um on his show and and and be really vulgar to like i don't know meg ryan or something so meg why are you shaving your pussy how you shaving your pussy these days um jesus howard uh what you know what a tentpole line for him would be he would have these hot

actresses on his show he'd ask the actresses to fuck him and part of his sales pitch would be i'm not afraid of your period i've got my red wings that's like yeah that that shock shock stuff yeah um so he got away from that and egt was was kind of key to that, in my opinion. I think it was part of some kind of a plan to change his image, because on there, he wasn't Howard Stern. He was Howard. He was nice. He didn't want to do all the little skits that the other two wanted to do, because to them, this show is their bread and butter.

It's all they've got. But to Howard, it's his side gig. So they're doing all these skits and stuff and comedy shit, and's like i'm here to judge i'm here to judge and do a good job at it now that's all i really care about and uh he was kind of a fan favorite i liked him on that show and he pimped that show all the time on on his radio show and so when when he lost that job very publicly he went after Cowell for a long time. I love how petty Howard is. I like it when he declares war on someone. I mean, I'd hate to beat at someone,

but actually maybe it would really work for me if he just declared war on PKA constantly. Like, that wouldn't hurt. No, that could only help. Oh, no, not those millions of people. No, don't get those eyes off of our stupid show. Oh, my dislikes. Oh, off of our oh my dislikes oh no meanwhile i'm uh fucking zombie land wiping my tears away with hundreds yeah i i wanted to tie

it into the bud light controversy but the dodgers did a thing and then target did a thing so the la dodgers i guess had this group of gay nun fans. I don't think they're real nuns. I think they dress up as gay nuns. Okay. And it's been a part of their, like, crowd. Kind of like one of, they've got like a, you know, like different teams have a special box of unique fans who do a certain thing.

I think they had some gay nuns out there. And then the Roman Catholics and some other groups were like, we're kind of offended. We don't know if we want to take part in Dodger Day or whatever. What does that have to do with Dodgers? Well, you know, I don't know. And, um... Religious exemptions. There has to be something that makes it make sense.

So first they told the gay nuns they couldn't come, but then there was backlash. So now the gay nuns are coming. So there's double backlash. So that's fun to see, because fuck the the fucking dodgers can't wait to see you playoffs you scumbag are they good the dodgers not as good as us uh we're leading national league last i checked that was yesterday yeah yeah the phillies yeah one of your cardinals you have one player You have one player I enjoy.

It's Bryce Harper, I think. I think he plays right field. Real fun guy. Real fun guy. I'd love to have a guy like him on my team. He's very boisterous, vocal in the media. He says funny shit. He was screaming.

They got in a big brouhaha in baseball where everybody's shoving and screaming. And I can't remember which team. Maybe in the Rockies. He's like, you're a fucking loser loser and you're from a fucking loser organization now they might have won one in the last couple of days but it had been like three weeks and they hadn't won a game the philly after he said that the phillies are like oh and eight oh no that sucks and you're from a loser organization. I've started watching this baseball YouTuber.

I'm looking for his name. John Boy Media? I think it might be him. That's a place to go, man. That's a good one. He kind of, like, he does, he's like amazing at lips reading. That's what I'm looking for. I couldn't get off lip syncing.

I'm like, it's not it though it's but no i'm close and uh he reads lips and he i think he gets it all right and he replays now i'm not a baseball person so i'm not like for example apparently if you hit a home run in the first inning it's impolite to celebrate but if you like do it as a game winner then you know it's more appropriate that's generational thing that's changing okay well this young guy hit it's in the first they get all mad at him and he hits what he hits the second home run they get all mad at him he hits a third home run and he's celebrating now like ah can i celebrate on this one huh i just took there was a game uh he took the lead for his team with that home run i think there was someone on base well apparently that's not okay because the first baseman like clotheslined him as he went by and

then there was a big brouhaha and this guy breaks it down not only does he add all the lip reading in context but in a brawl where like there's 40 people involved there's a lot to miss so he goes by in like slow-mo like look this guy threw a baseball at this guy's head here it is and then the ball goes up and the ball goes back down and he outlines the whole thing and he has a real like it's not always matter of fact and funny at the same time yeah he kills it and it makes him not happy about that bob tells him to go fuck himself and he's not obliged to do it he's gonna come right out and argue that this is what it's these quotes or is this an imitation ah just imitation

yeah that's how i watch a lot i watch them a lot especially do stuff other than baseball i think so but i watch the baseball stuff i think john boy media is like a bigger thing i just watched like the guy making silly voices on baseball but i think he does other stuff and it's a big organization and he just lays it like this guy didn't take too care here an umpire called time and then like wished he hadn't so pretended he didn't and then like the players fighting him and the players coach is fighting with it you call time i didn't call time you call time i didn't call i didn't call time the other refs come in i didn't see him call time but we all know because he like not only did he call time but i guess there's a hand signal i'm not

a baseball person i don't know what the hand signal is i always see him point up or do one of these it was something like that yeah but like to me i'm like just one finger versus three fingers i don't know but uh he apparently called time i saw it on his mouth and i saw it with his hand and then he tried to get away with not calling time and then like three minutes into the argument he sheepishly admits that he called time but this guy is like doing the you know you said this you said that and he's like doing he doesn't do funny voices but he adds the sort of uh energy to it that the players have and it's a really good watch yeah he's snarky i like watching the fights i like what when there's a coach arguing you know and he's there to what when he's he lip syncs with them

that's what he does he lip he's already he knows what they're gonna say and then as the coach is silently moving his mouth you're like bullshit bullshit that's a fucking strike and he's like nailing it perfectly it's real good shit um yeah and if it can make me like baseball he's doing something right yeah oh that's hilarious i love his videos for that it's a lot better than watching a baseball game um i haven't been able to watch a game in a long time like i only i don't know how many channels i need to be able to watch braves game games i sent that thing to you guys the other day and it was like, Friday's game will be on Apple TV. Saturday's game will be on Fox 11.

Sunday's game will be on Primetime Southern Sports. I'm like, what? What's Primetime Southern Sports? I need to get satellite for this? It's mostly women's soccer, but there's one Braves game on there. $60 a month. I know somebody's going to send me the link to their MLB account,

but I don't feel comfortable doing that. Y'all always do that. But I don't know. I'll find a way to watch it one way or another. It's been a good year for the Braves. They're leading the East. Last time I checked, it was five or six games. That's a lot.

I think the Phillies are in second. No, Mets are in second. Mets have a huge budget this year. year not salary cap this year not salary cap just the amount of money they spend on their team um and they're really underperforming so i love to see that i really like seeing the the teams that that you know yankees do that a lot given us bad losses fail i guess so i guess they often have like the biggest budget and if you don't win then you underperformed right someone did more with less yeah yeah yeah oh and then the oakland a's that was the baseball story that's good so the oakland a's moneyball is it though it yeah

they are the moneyball team but they're moving to vegas so they're moving to vegas that the owner sold the team um apparently misled the fans somehow like maybe said support us we're not gonna sell work and then then leak that they're selling so i've seen these videos of fans that are there panning the whole stadium in the middle of a game i'm gonna say 80 people there in a place that holds 40 000 and um i i'll say this at the phillies game the other night i think they were packed i think it's 40 000 because phillies have been doing free dollar hot dog night and it it's been a little silly phillies did two dollar hot dog nights in may night they had dollar hot dog night i think or the eighth and um this guy took it upon himself

to start eating hot dogs as many as he could. It's baseball. The crew is following him as much as they are pitching out there. He gets to 13 hot dogs, and he runs out. They're like,

this man needs a hot dog. The crowd starts throwing him hot dogs in a friendly way at first they're wrapped in aluminum foil so it works and then they start raining down and then and as you can imagine some people are getting hit with hot dogs who have no idea that this guy over here needs another hot dog to break a record his own personal record by the way it doesn't matter it's just it's his internal record just how many he's eaten it's not that japanese fella he's not like so it descends into madness with hot dogs raining onto the field and just you see them like it's

like popcorn you know how it just pops up and just goes everywhere everywhere and you i thought they won't do another one of those. Two more they've announced. They love the money. I love Philly for this. This is great. Philly Stadium holds 40,000 people, I think. Oh, it's Duracell night

at Philly Stadium. Man, I fucking told them D-Battery Night was a horrible idea. This is up there with Shuriken Night, Blow Dart Night, Hepatitis C Needle Night. God damn, we got to fire our marketing guys. I think that place holds 40,000. Are baseball bats this big? They're violent. I've had some people in the head.

Wow, that kind of messes up my point. Zach says it holds 43,000, but what I had read was it holds 40,000, but the attendance was 43,000. There were 3,000 more people there than there were seats just for the hot dogs. Well, that doesn't seem realistic. I also, baseball's

I think baseball's the most I think baseball is the most attended sport. Could be. That would make sense. 162 games, like, it's going to have the most by a lot. And then they do, like, fill stadiums. Like, the good teams still fill stadiums up 30,000, 40,000 people a pop. Dude, the Cardinals will fill the stadium for absolute nonsense games

in, like, June when they're terrible people here are addicted to the cardinals i've been to a few baseball games the durham bulls are the team around here they're a minor league team from the movie and uh i've been we used to go like the corporate day like hey anyone who wants to go this afternoon can leave work early and attend a durham bulls game and it's like well that sounds better than writing web pages so I'm gone yeah and uh it's not even about the game no one's watching the game we're just hanging out with each other it's okay to talk all game long and uh I don't know just chilling yeah baseball's a day activity like it's just a fun place to hang out kind of

pay attention a bit it It's good for that. It's not like... You get to see Goodyard. Yeah, you get to see a high quality... That's some great grass right there. That's some real quality grass, unless you're at one of those stadiums that has turf, which I didn't know that baseball stadiums even allowed turf. I thought baseball was all about you have to use real grass,

but I guess Tampa doesn't have it. The Arizona team doesn't have it the arizona team doesn't have it uh what about toronto i i want i always that one comes to mind i i want to say at one point maybe toronto had not just turf but maybe blue blue turf or something like color instead of green i had that image in my head some for some reason but it's it's from long ago yeah i don't know i remember i went to a boy game when i lived there i saw that blue turf arizona texas rangers miami marlins toronto blue jays and tampa bay rays now toronto that's just out of laziness detroit is right there detroit has the same weather as toronto and detroit doesn't have detroit has real grass so that's a good call, Zach. Zach's like AstroTurf.

It's named after the Astros, right? It must be. Are they on my list? How selfish of them. That's the team everybody dislikes, right? Yeah, they're cheaters. Look, there's a good amount of cheating. Here's what an Astro fan would say.

Everybody cheats. It's like NASCAR. They're cheated harder than anyone, and it gave them the championship like that's the answer to that to that nonsense there's any anyway any other controversy i wanted they don't asterisk people in baseball dude they've been cheating for a hundred fucking years fucking bats and steel sharpened spikes and and don't get me started on just just the corruption that that you saw with someone like Pete Rose. It wasn't just him.

It was other people. They were betting on games. They were shaving points, I bet. What does that mean? Shaving points? Yeah. What does that mean? We're going to win, but if there's an over-under, for example, we need to beat the line.

Whatever we bet, whatever we promise to do. Sometimes it'll be over and under, 175 points for the Lakers and Nuggets tonight. I'm taking the under on that because I'm going to make fucking sure. If you're a ref, you can fix that. NBA is the game that I always hear about being fixed. I always hear about conspiracies about... It'd be the easiest to fix.

Especially about how the conspiracy that I always hear is that they keep the score competitive into the third quarter, fourth quarter or whatever to keep people watching because if you're getting blown the fuck out by 40 with 10 minutes to go, nobody's going to watch. I think there's a natural sort of resting that happens too. If you're up by 15 it's hard to sprint balls to the wall and it just keeps things tighter yeah there's waves and ebbs and ebbs and flows ebbs and flows i wanted to talk about um target and then the lakers so target fits right on in with bud light and the fucking dodgers target had uh did some gay shit what the gay merchandise was that they were have that they had that everybody was so upset

about i was like y'all mad about pride flags and shit y'all give a fuck like this is um yeah some gay mergers maybe some store decorations so i looked and you know they had them kids swimsuits you could tuck your dick and they had had the gay witch shirts for kids and shit. I was like, ah, yeah. I bet that would offend most humans. What is the gay witch shirt?

I don't know. I saw a bunch of them. I'm gay and I'm a witch. It's like silly uniforms and fun colors and then it'll just say something that's... I don't know. You might find offensive if you're a traditionalist. I'm more offended by overweight models than I am the gay shit. We need some hot fags in there and I'm okay with it.

But keep your fat chicks in their fucking overweight bikinis or whatnot out of my Target. I'm going to start threatening Target employees like the conservatives do. Not my Target. I go into Target and I'm ripping down gay flags. Not my Target. People have done that.

There's me just X-ing out fat chicks and modeling bikinis. I'm just writing like this is bad diatribe cut carbs yeah the target is losing a lot of money uh they receive they're receiving huge amounts of complaints and on top of that they're having a lot of trouble at their locations with people coming in and causing trouble being like what is this here for what the fuck is this i'm tearing this literally doing what you were joking about, tearing,

tearing shit down because it's like some poor chick making $9 an hour. Who's like, why are you punishing me? Exactly. What he's like, they're tearing it down. He's like, you're fat.

Like, fuck you. I'm doing you a favor. Favorite Barbara. Now clean all that up. Yeah. I think that they've, that they've now pulled all that stuff. When did this start? For toddlers and children that include, yeah.

So when did this start? I started seeing that people were angry about the Target merch like two, three weeks ago or something like that. And I kept seeing progressively more and more angry people until Target pulled all the stuff down. And so, of course, you pull the stuff down, and the left is like, oh, not a real ally

after all. We're not going to Target either. And so now, I do not think the Anheuser-Busch fate will extend to Target. I'm with Taylor. I think this will blow over quickly. I think it'll blow over more quickly. I need Walmart's ad campaign where it's like,

Here at Walmart. Only thing... Here at Walmart, we'll turn you away at the door. I don't know the first thing about beer, but I'm with Kyle. I think it was a little easier to switch away from Bud because the competitors are right there with them, think i don't think people drink bud light

because it's so good they're just it's a it's a habit thing that like the people who drink bud light drink that the people who drink miller light drink that the people who drink cores drink that and so i would argue it's actually worse than that because all of these long-time consumers are establishing new habits now and they feel morally justified in it and so every time that beer drinker goes and buys Miller or some shit he's getting a little dopamine hit of I'm getting my beer

and fuck you to Anaheiser Bush so like and you know you're going to get an attaboy from your friends first of all this is like high school all over again you gotta you can't show up with those adidas those are the gay ones show up with nikes that's what's happened here so you know how much i regretted that earring in my right ear dude i had i had pumas for a whole summer i actually

the the lamest shoes i ever got cool at the time my purple rainbow turtleneck was the worst. Worst in the Pumas, I bought some And Ones. I'm with you on the And Ones. Were you hooping? My friend Blake was like, oh, show us some of them And One skills, Kyle. Come on, Kyle. Break some ankles. Meanwhile, i'm like

it might be 30 for 30 um and one but there's definitely documentary on it and it's i love that shit i still watch the professor now i watched it back then like like we were all watching it this is high school uh 10th grade or something and i was like went to go get new shoes with my mom and i was like yeah and one man that's that cool shit i bet i'll have some slick moves wearing and ones i'm like fucking 16 15 oh i got riffed on by those they made one of those shoes mercilessly. And one. Dude, when I was 13, I got... So when I was 13, my shoe size had already reached 13. My feet grew very, very quickly. I had a new one. Yeah, and at the time, like...

That boy got flippers. I had my feet... I wasn't, like, short at the time, but my feet grew very quick. And I bought vans because, like like some cool kids had vans but it turns out that if you have enormous feet in vans in middle school you like genuinely look like sideshow bob like that level of foot and i think i wore those vans like three times i don't even recall if i got made fun of in them or if i independently realized like this is a ticking time bomb of mockery and then I stopped wearing them went back to to smaller shoes slenderer shoes I had four close friends

in high school there was like the four of us we all hung out all the time I'm about six foot maybe I'm about six foot honest and uh I was the second shortest the other two were just a little over not more than six two and one was like five eight so we all had like size 11 or 12 shoes and the guy who's five eight also wore like size 11 or 12 shoes but they were completely not his shoe size he just wanted to have the same shoe size as us and he looked like a clown it looked ridiculous with his big shoes and his toes like two and a half inches from the ends. Why would you want big fucking feet? I think he just wanted to be the same size as us.

So he bought the same clothes size. Maybe he'd say he had a little dick because he had little feet or something. So he walks around with goofy ass shoes? I don't know. Yeah, I mean, kids are fucking stupid. I did stupid things like that.

What kind of shoes did you wear in high school? What was the cool shoe to wear? Because I wore Air Force Ones for a while. Just plain white Air Force Ones. I wore those a lot. I never been in the shoes. When I say Timberlands, I don't mean

black people Timberlands. No, I don't mean the big like, I'm not going to tie, they wear a work boot, but they want to make it very clear that they do not work. They're pristine.

Well, not that they're clean, they're just completely untied and just like open a gate at the top. It makes it look like you didn't know how to tie your shoes. I viewed it through a different lens. To me at the top it's it's like it makes it look like you didn't know how to tie your shoes yeah i oh i i viewed it through a different lens like to me the top they're doing something in particular with the open top that i think is a strict dress code that i don't fully understand yeah for sure it wasn't just sloppy there was something going on there it's almost like you know what i i wore a good bit i wore a n Shox. Is that it? I had Shox.

Yeah, I think I had Shox in high school. Yeah, I did too. At the time, those were... Are those still around? I haven't seen anybody in Nike Shox in a while. Yeah, I doubt it. I had a black pair, though. They were kind of nice. I liked those. At the time, they were cool. I wore Nike something or other

that didn't stand out, mostly. Until I got to college, then I'd wear stupid shoes. I wore track something or other that didn't stand out mostly until I got to like college. Then then I'd wear stupid shoes. I wore track shoes in college. I didn't run. I'm never I'm not a good runner, but they were like bright red track shoes. When Jackie met me there, I liked him. I still like trying to get away from me.

You can't. No, no, no. Well, I went crazy with the shocks. Oh, my God. Look at that. That's cooler than what I was wearing in. in yeah we just had shocks on the back yeah they didn't have front ones it was just the four on the back like that uh damn i guess all the ones now have them everywhere these would have been better than the ones i had because these make you taller

your whole foot's up yeah that's like what we had i don't know about that like not the i was not not that like it was like that mesh like yeah like light uh external of the shoe not that yeah it didn't have all that leather nonsense these are fucking expensive yeah it wasn't that faux leather it was yeah but it was like that overall shoe shape yeah i don't think those are cool anymore i remember i wore some new balance Balance in college because they were really cheap. And I didn't mind how beat up they got walking around campus. New Balance in my day were like the epitome of uncool. They're what your dad wore if he gave up on coolness.

And so I didn't have those. My dad did, though. In college, like at that time there was a brief window of when they were ironically cool but then i wore them way longer than that i just wore shoes until they they fall you know what's like i don't know they're they're the ultimate in awful looking dad shoes but have you ever bought those are they hookah shoes what is this brand shoes you don't know them oh dude they're very popular amongst nurses who spend their time on their feet all day long the they're known for having like a curved bottom

right so you're used to a shoe that's kind of flat on the bottom these when you walk on them they just roll and they're amazingly comfortable it's like walking on a cloud of marshmallows. Like Crocs? No, they look like oversized sneakers. They're very uncool. Hoka? I'm pretty close with these. Give me some LA Lights any day. Let's see. Those are Skechers, I think, but they're close.

Oh, I remember the commercials for these. The Skechers Shape Up. It's supposed to make you work out as you're walking. How funny is that? It's like, you're already walking. How much more is this shape up adding? Is walking with bad posture really helpful? I don't know.

I don't know if I want my nurse moving around too fast. I need her some cricket shoes. I don't want her bouncing around. I want her to wear those shoes that have toes in them. I had some sort of... What is the thing that a Dominic Cruz had that starts with a P maybe?

A foot injury? Proetia or something? They're like the little muscles that hold your foot. Oh, his plantar fasciitis? Yes! Oh, well done, Taylor. I had plantar fasciitis issues, so I saw my orthopedic surgeon and he recommended these shoes for me and uh they're not cool but oh my god they're great can you pull up these the link i gave you again not cool but you gotta try walking it up

10 steps and you'll be like wow this is better yeah these aren't cool you're right give me a different color i mean yeah i feel like that's like mine are like red and gray the black i guess maybe a bit more it's a reasonable shoe well no actually you know what? These look like they give a good amount of comfort and height. And buoyancy. Oh, they do give height.

Yeah, yeah. If I just hug Jackie, it's a noticeable difference. It's like I'm wearing lifts. I'm going to get these. I'm going to get these and be bouncing around. Have you guys ever worn Dr. martin's dr martin's giant boots no oh yeah they so they have the grippiest bottom of any shoe you've ever experienced you can't your ankle will break before you slip in them they're grippy and i bought some and like because i was always slipping on ice during the winter and this past winter i

felt like a fucking titan like i didn't even scrape my driveway a couple times just marching down like daring myself what do doc martin's look like are they they're big black platform boots black like work boots like the bottom part of it is almost like that translucently brown like petrol plasticky rubber whatever like super super grippy like you put your hand on it and you can feel it stick like but the thing with it is like you would look like an absolute lunatic wearing these shoes anytime that there's not snow on the ground here yeah you'll be six four or something like that good gosh i always see chicks in them chicks will wear like those boots with like a skirt the kind I had was more like a winter.

The kind I have is more of a winter-looking boot than that. Girls have way more wardrobe flexibility. If they want to wear lifts, basically, then they can. Miracle bras, butt-enhancing panties. The workout gear they wear, all that shapewear stuff. Girls can do anything. If guys put on shapewear, it's like, dude, like all that shapewear stuff. Girls can do anything. If guys put on shapewear, it's like, dude, you're wearing shapewear.

I want to get something to fill my ass now. Oh, they have that. I'm glad. See, perfect. You think so? Yeah, there's all sorts of there's a lot. He gets custom made shapewear. Like a pothole repair. I think for your ass, like a jock strap right that has those like under straps under your ass cheek lift them on up there that's not but that's if my low ass was injured it's the the highest it's gonna blow back up though like like when a chick is twerking and her whole

ass kind of rolls up toward her back and makes those you're going to get that effect it's going to make ass cleavage for you by lifting from the bottom and and that's not just your ass men have shapewear for their dicks too now there's lots of underwear that's this whole thing is about lifting and and like and like putting your boys on the display the kind that you know what it's very disappointing when i switch back and forth some days i'll be like you know what god gifted me another day he's like god punished me like i would watch i would i would see dudes in underwear like especially like weighing in in the in sports and ufc and stuff and i'm like where's his dick at though like my dick would just be visible like you'd be like oh there's the dick and there are the balls there's that one's bigger maybe they're scared and i'm but then i saw like i was underwear shopping on amazon and they make underwear that's like made

to kind of hide everything and just give you this i don't know like kendall it like a kendall bulge not hide but like like if anything it's making your bulge bigger. But it's just a polite bulge. Everything's this polite, smooth thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is probably what people should do when they're weighing in because then it's like you still, you know, they're naked, they're weighing in honestly, but you're not seeing the dickhead ridge.

What if they got flipped under their waistband and the head's just peeking out a little bit? Dude, I would love that. If Conor McGregor is like hiding his erection under his waistband like eighth grader style. He didn't hide it at all. Did you guys remember like how fucking awful it was getting hard as a rock like two minutes before the end of science class in seventh grade and shit? Sure. the end of science class in seventh grade and shit oh my was your guys move also to like really dig in there and then flip it all the way up to the waistband and then like spend extra time

messing with your backpack hoping that it would go down i would try to get it to go down my leg and if i can't stand up with it down your leg yeah i can't and and and then i would try to like with my hand in my pocket keep it like hooked against my thigh like like to hide it yeah i know exactly what you're talking about and it's gonna be that makes you hunch over i had to hunt i would go with the flip it up it's coming out of my pants. I would have it go up and then I had two moves. I'd either put my fist in my pocket next to it so that it was the bulge that was creating a

tent, a dome, so that people couldn't see my other bulge. Or in my day, for reasons I hate, backpacks became wickedly uncool. So you had to carry all your books and just zip to your locker all the time. Same.

And so I would carry my books in front of my dick if I had a hard time. That's what I would do too. That's a classic move. You got to do it casually though. You don't want to look like you're shielding yourself from incoming fire. I would just leave my books most of the time in my desk and just hope that nobody stole my book. Nobody ever did. You had your own desk in every class?

No. We're changing classes. There's going to be five more kids in this seat today if they want to. I just stuck it in the desk. In it. They got a hole under the seat. I don't know if all desks are the same, but our desk didn't have a lifting top. they had that fucking bullshit underneath your seat

yeah my books would be in there and if i got to math class and my book wasn't there i'd be like oh shit and i'd go grab like an extra book off because there's a shelf of them over there and at the end of the year if my book was missing hopefully what would happen usually every time honestly if someone else had it they just didn't know they had mine but i mean the year if my book was missing hopefully what would happen usually every time honestly if someone else had it they just didn't know they had mine but at the end of the year they're gonna count them all nobody's stealing a math book so it worked out in the end but yeah i just left the books always in there because i didn't want to use the locker i hate using the lockers did you have books for all of your classes yeah i don't think that's commonplace anymore

really yeah i think a lot of times the book stays with the classroom or they do some sort of virtual book i had uh i actually did the opposite of what you did kyle for maybe it was my junior and senior year of high school i had a bigger backpack and every single book and every single thing I needed for school, I kept in there because they were those stacked lockers. We were in like a newer hallway that they had redone and didn't have those long, narrow, all the way up lockers. They had like the, you know, girthier, shorter, stacked on top lockers. And the girl who had the locker under mine was so goddamn fat and slow

that I got tired of like waiting for her to just fiddle fuck around with her locker and like wait to to get to it and so i just decided like a week into that year like goddamn sarah fuck you like i am carrying all my bags or all my books with me the rest of the year never went back to that locker never had to use it i had a locker but i didn't know the combination like at the beginning of the year, they're handing them out. Yeah, give me one. But then I ended up using it, and I kind of forgot the combination. If I'd really needed it, I could have gone somewhere, I guess,

and asked about it, but it never came up. And then when I pulled my stink bomb prank, when I'd been terrorizing the school for half a week, dropping stink bombs out my pants leg and stinking up the hallways. Like the Great Escape? Yeah, just dropping them. No, like Andy Dufresne dropping the dirt out through his pocket. I would do that with

stink bombs walking down the hallway and some other kid back behind me, I'd hear, as he stepped on that glass, perfect crime. Yeah, but they figured out it was me and the principals got me in his office and interrogated me. Well, then explain the stinky pant leg kyle somebody ratted me out somebody ratted me out you must have ratted yourself out first right you told your friend oh yeah yeah for sure for sure i mean half the fun is that everybody knows um but anyway i got ratted out or something and um

or maybe they use an algorithm it's always happening near kyle it could only be one of four students and this girl in a wheelchair and this one's but they figured out it was me and i'm like nah it's not me it's not me and he's like we're gonna look and they've searched me my person and everything i don't have anything on me and uh i'm i'm like you can we're gonna look in your car we'll look in your locker i'm like look in my locker look in my car i don't care i don't have anything to hide and then he got up to actually go to my car and i and i was like so when we get there you'll find quite a bit of stink bombs i'll get them out for you and i was like he called my bluff right like like but he's like yeah let's let the car throw your keys in the woods oops that's what i should. Like, like what I should have done was like,

call the cops. If you want to search my car and told my dad, like, don't dad, dad would have been on my side. Like no matter what, even, even if like I'm in the wrong,

he'd have been like, you're not certain that's my truck. You're not searching that truck. Get out of here. You know what? I'm taking it home right now. Kyle, come home in mine.

Like something like that would have happened. He just like, but instead I was, I was walking at the parking lot. I'm going to hand over stink bombs. It's not that big of a deal anyway. It's a couple days suspension. But he's like, which one of these lockers is yours? And I'm like, I don't really know.

And I didn't. He's like, what's the combination for? I don't know that either. And now they think I'm lying and hiding something bigger than stink bombs. So they're like, which one of these lockers is yours? I'm like, I lying i don't have a locker that i use and they didn't believe me it took forever to clear my name it's just spending me to clear my name yeah for something to serve my and then um i thought it was interesting it was two day suspension

for stink bombs but it was also do you get two-day suspension for stink bombs. In school or did you get to be home? Out of school. We didn't do in-school suspension in high school. It's like a cop getting paid vacation. If you miss five days, you fail. You can't graduate if you miss five days. In any one class, that's what we did.

There's two down. I don't miss days. I got suspensions coming. that's what we did and so there's two down and I don't miss days because I got to save up for I got suspensions coming I can't be willing, I'm coming sick because I know a suspension is probably coming but it was the same two day suspension for hitting that teacher

I hit that teacher and I thought they were going to expel me or call the cops but they just gave me two fucking days out of school like it was the same as dropping the stink bomb in the hallway. I couldn't believe that. It's much more serious than the stink bomb. It seems so much more serious. When I think back on it,

it makes me nervous. I can't believe I fucking hit that dude. I can't believe I hit the teacher. He was so much bigger than me. That dude was six four. Yeah. What's he going to do? Beat the shit out of you?

Like, he'll go to jail. That's what my dad said. He's like, what a pussy. Why couldn't he just slap the shit out of you? And I was thinking like, yeah, if he'd slapped me, I wouldn't have said shit. I wouldn't have told on him. I'd have just taken it.

Because I'd have deserved it. I'd have appreciated it. I'd have appreciated it. You probably have because you're on Reddit too, but a middle schooler threw a chair at a middle school teacher and he'd had enough. He throws a chair back and just beans this middle schooler.

And then he throws another and another. I'm like, actions have consequences. Thaty that's what's up damn he's just chair after chair just three a guy who has hit his limit i saw a black student start a fight with a black teacher and then i watched the black teacher finish it the black teacher is wearing a skirt and she's got so much ass. Her whole ass is out because

she is full mount on the student and her move of choice is taking both her hands and putting it on the girl's skull and grinding it into the concrete, just holding the kid down and she's going, get a teacher! Get a teacher! Telling the other kids

to get a teacher, but she's not going to let her go. And the kid's going AHHHHH! How did this start? The kid 100% asked for it. Yeah, like, don't think child. Think, like, nappy-headed hoe coming at you with everything she's got. You can't say that, Kyle.

John Imus got away with it. He did not. He lost his job. No, I'm pretty sure he got away with it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's just that he said it about those fine Rutgers basketball players who didn't deserve it. They were just out there playing their best game. They don't deserve to be judged on their appearance,

but I don't think being nappy-headed is in any way offensive. That's not all you said. Hose? That's a little offensive. Is hose offensive? I don't think hose is offensive. Well, I take hose back. Anybody out there that was offended or felt that I

was targeting them, singling them out. I'm afraid you're going to get in trouble. You take hose back? Yeah. That's hilarious. I take hose back. He's a nabby-headed girl. Yeah. How about enough of that I love the teacher combat

I love seeing when the teachers have had enough I've seen a bunch lately where it was a black teacher who just had a fucking enough there's two type of videos there's the poor white lady who's recording her own face as she tries to talk reason to the class and she's like please stop

please stop please sit down please get off that please put that down and they're screaming you you and they're going crazy over there like the exorcist she's please please stop she's got nothing she needs a gun well we're working on that and then i love the black male teacher who's probably like the baseball coach or something like that. But they're making him do math. Yeah. There were so many of those teachers in high school.

It's just some fucking retard who taught football. And he also was familiar with shapes. And so he taught geometry. I remember that. This one I know for sure is a circle. Thanks, coach. But that guy is not used to getting disrespected. So he doesn't do that shit where he's like, please sit down, please sit down. They lay their hands on him and he's like, okay, here we go.

I've seen him just grab kids up and throw their whole bodies across the room. That's great. It's been a few years i saw one where this was like it was high school and um the student was an athletic like picture a 15 year old fit black kid but the um the teacher was the wrestling coach and you know so that the kid puts hands on him then instantly he finds himself in a disadvantaged position, being held down. And all the students are appalled that the teacher had the audacity to win the fight that the kid started. But not me.

Like, hey, you started it. He's allowed to finish it, right? Rules. I couldn't be a teacher. That's one of the worst jobs in America. That's one of the worst. That is the worst. It's not white collar exactly that's the worst job i think it is i think that's the worst white collar job there is

then i would i would do anything before teaching i would i would rather be dmv is so much better let me tell you what working at the dmv would be like you're on my time motherfucker all right this isn't that waiting and i got places to be this is i get paid by that how a bitch yeah it goes slow here just how i like it sitting here on my chair got my bingo i think i think by far the hardest job is being a landlord and the most this is a good take i like this this because these guys are giving people places to live taking all the nation's heroes

9-11 responders wish that they were landlords in the most heroic city of New York salute to the landlords of New York the finest people in this United States. You get that aggressive,

that aggressive emotional salute. I think it's about the landlords what they do. Like you're crying on the inside. You're so goddamn proud. That salute. If you want to own a home, don't blame a landlord for buying it first. Do what the landlord did to earn that home.

He chose his parents properly. Yes. You're the idiot who chose poor parents. Don't blame them. Dumbass. Why didn't you strike while the iron was hot in 1988? Why don't you just get a big building and

don't care if there's running water in it and then shove a bunch of people in there on government subsidies and you get your money you know what i now what i always do come back to is why don't they move to a more rural area who and anyone who's complaining about these things about the the high prices things. They often live in these big cities where things are really expensive. You got to live in a city to do your job. Move to fucking Atlanta, bro. You know how cheap it is in Atlanta compared to

any other major city you've heard of in America? Boston, fucking New York, LA, all those places. Atlanta's cheap as shit. My rent is like, I have a big house with with many rooms and it's low rent it's it's my rent is double what i paid when i was 19 in a one-bedroom apartment it and and this is a house it's it's so low you don't feel bad about renting here that you get so

much value for your money and especially if you're splitting it with somebody. So, but I hear about these people with 2,500 a month, 5,000 a month, 10,000 a month. And my God, how could you stomach that? How could, well, unless you're geared in, you're a guy like Tucker, you know, who's, who's, who's really profiting from being right there in town where he can collaborate and do things. What the fuck are you doing? Why aren't you in Atlanta? Why aren't you in a suburb? Why aren't you in the country? If you could let go of being a cosmopolitan person in the big city,

I bet you'd live a happier life in some smaller town where gasoline, well, gasoline costs the same, but everything else is cheaper. Like the rent where I'm from, if you don't mind living in the country, you know, it's few,

it's hundreds of dollars, not thousands of dollars. If you're like a Twitch streamer who just doesn't do anything but stream from like their room, like you can either, like you could be the king of Omaha. Like you could be the guy in Oklahoma city who owns the biggest house in Oklahoma city.

You can have a, you can have a compound people around you will start to talk like that. Land is so cheap. Yeah. Yeah. The property values are in LA. You properties like six or $7,000 for an acre. When,

when you get out into the country, you know, compare that to, to, to just millions of dollars for a quarter of an acre, which is what you that to, to, to just millions of dollars for a quarter of an acre, which is what you see in, in, in the cities. It's, uh, I don't know. I, I never hate the landlords, but I do. What I do hate is I hate the, I don't like the blind hate against anyone who rents a property. Cause that's what I feel, uh, what I see most on the internet.

Like who rents out a property, a property. Anyone in general who accepts rent. But I really don't like the gigantic corporations that are coming around and just buying everything up over market values, driving those values up, and then just renting everything out. They own entire neighborhoods out here. Like every one of my neighbors has the same trash can. Huh. How'd that happen? Every one of these houses is owned by some big company and we're all just...

It might be my age, but I no longer have much patience for people who hate the way the world is as opposed to the ones I admire who try to thrive in the way the world is. Whatever. If you go into nursing as opposed to the ones I admire who try to thrive in the way the world is. So like whatever, if you go into nursing and then spend the next,

your entire career complaining that nurses don't make enough money, dude, it was that way since before I was born and I'm really old. Like nursing salaries didn't catch you by surprise. Oh, did you become a veterinarian? And now you have a tremendous amount of um uh student loan debt and your salary is not that of a doctor of someone who's equivalently educated you should

have went into this wide open save the tears for your mom who might give a flying fuck because i'm not that guy i don't care this is what you signed up for and again like oh does this guy own like four houses on the side yeah he scrimped and saved during his 20s bought some houses during his 30s you know made some good moves and now in his 40s he's got a couple homes to rent out and he's he's got some passive income do it do it it sucked for him i guarantee you he didn't have a nice car when he was saving for those homes he didn't take the vacations he didn't you know he missed out on a nice car when he was saving for those homes. He didn't take the vacations. He missed out on a lot of cool shit so that he could set himself up for his future. Those options still exist today.

And you just discredit everyone before you who scrimped and saved and got ahead. It's definitely different now. Home ownership is not as easy as it was 30 years ago. Wages have stagnated. Inter interest rates are crazy right now just the market of homes is insane like and so i do i understand what you're saying but i will push back a bit that like this generation of young people now like the possibility of homeownership that was available to people who were their age now in 1987 like isn't there. It's not there. I actually agree and appreciate that, but there have been pockets like this before. I remember in the 80s when we bought our beach

house or something, the interest rates were like 18, no, 14% on a mortgage or something. It was really high. I remember my father, I think he got an 11% mortgage and was like, damn, we're doing pretty well. They're still way lower. What's the mortgage rate now the mortgage rate now seven percent something like that yeah but the total of the house is so much higher well yeah but i'm what my point was is there's going to be whatever five-year pockets in history where it's not a good time to buy and it's hard to time those and get it right but it will get better i don't have your interest rates will go back down i don't have your experience or maybe even your eye for this sort of thing but it seems to me like it's not going to change anytime soon because of what i

mentioned earlier the way that when those companies come around they don't just buy everything they buy the houses you want it you know they they leave you with these scraps where it's like nobody wants to buy those homes you know like it's hard to find a home that you that isn't owned by i don't know zillow or blackrock or one of those gigantic companies so much of the economy is red hot right now and people don't think it is because they don't trump would have been way better at like talking about the hot spots in the economy but the fact that unemployment is crazy low right now and housing prices are high and they had to raise interest rates in an effort to cool off

the economy because we're kind of too heavily employed and that stuff um that won't last forever there will be a recession at some point and all those houses that bought those um i'm sorry all those companies that bought those houses will lose their fucking shirt if they bought when it was high. Two quarters of negative growth. That's a recession, right? That's the definition. Did you say two?

Two quarters? Yeah, I thought it was two. I don't know. Somehow I heard three. Germany's in a recession. Are they? Yeah. At least the internet claimed it was today.

Okay. I think that a hot spot in our fucking economy has to be the fact that i hate that that that they don't sell this ukraine thing correctly because they say the u.s gives this and that u.s approves three more billion dollars uh worth of you know aid what they should say is three more billion dollars worth of loans three more billion dollars worth of loans. Three more billion dollars worth of loans. $286 million more worth of loans. This is the Lend-Lease Act. This is how we kept the Soviets, the British, and everybody else on this side of the Atlantic alive for World War II. The Russians would have starved to death, and the Brits would have too if it weren't for us lend- leasing them huge stocks of food guns ammo i saw a video

the other day of russians in a cave cracking open crates from world war ii with brand new thompson machine guns you know where this came from that means lind lease act we sent them tommy guns in world war ii to fight the nazis they never got to that supply they've been sitting in that cave when did they stop using like when did Tommy Guns stop? I actually like other than video games and movies didn't understand they were widely distributed

in World War II like to just regular guys. It's always more of like in my head like a gangster gun. Like yeah with a big drum mag on the bottom. They're not even looking down the side. Exactly. Al Capone like yeah with a big drum mag on the bottom they're not even looking down the side exactly al capone standing there gunning up lighting up somebody's house were they good guns they look sweet they might be the coolest looking gun ever i owned one um

i i had my i had my own fully automatic tommy gun a uh the drum mags i always found or at least the ones i had weren't too reliable but those sticks, and you can reload it fast, were really, really fun. I hope your gun collection made its way to Ukraine, Kyle. We could arm a village. There's some cartel member with an FPS Russia fucking gun right now. We ran that shit down there and forgot about it. We're going to see some guy in ISIS like, standing over someone about to shoot him in the back of the head and it's

gonna say like it's gonna say have nice day on the side of it and someone has his brain splattered on the same if you see like a chromed out fucking bullpup m14 or something i think my name on the side that one with the snow camo caused me so much fucking trouble oh my god yeah i think that was the one um but uh but yeah i i we're we're we're lind leasing that stuff to them they owe us uh i think we'll get it back actually i thought it was like the brits just paid their debt off about a few years ago from World War II with interest. They're a more successful country than Ukraine. What we often do with African countries in particular is we forgive that debt.

The next time we're trying to get them to do a thing, like, hey, how about we forget about the $8 billion in aid we gave you last decade, and you don't let these terrorists live here and they're like yes this is a good deal yes they probably invited the terrorists to get out of the debt but then you know we're america so we've got plenty of that that kind of money to throw around the cia uh guy that i've been watching on youtube was talking about he was trying to capture this guy in pakistan and they were like what do you need he's like i need 45 men i need i need uh two million dollars cash i need a bowl of green m&ms it was like that he went through this like cool ass like james bond list of shit he needed i need this kind of satellite coverage i need these kind needed. I need this kind of satellite coverage. I need these kind of phones.

I need this, that, and the other. I need Overwatch, blah, blah, blah. And the interviewer was like, $2 million? What's that for? I'm going to bribe every motherfucker in Pakistan. Anybody that looks like they want some bribery money is getting it. He would just, every step of the way,

hey, keep your mouth shut about this. Hey, and do this. And just handing out wads of hundreds because he's got he's got two million dollars worth of bribe money yeah can you can you imagine that yeah of course i wonder what two million looks like i bet it fits in a brown paper bag like a lunch bag like hundreds no not a lunch bag am i wrong i could be all right all right i say two million is like this like a big old you think it fits in a grocery bag and i think it fits in a grocery bag? And I think it fits in a lunch bag. Yeah. I bet you could.

Yeah, you could fit it in like a brown paper grocery bag. Yeah. I guess we're considering like stacks of ten thousand and hundreds. You know, I don't know. I've never seen a million dollars and I don't even know how much money was in that photo in Breaking Bad. Oh, that's like twenty million dollars. was in that photo in Breaking Bad.

That was like $20 million. I bet someone's done math on the size of it, on what it is. Is it $20 million? I think they were mixed bills. Because it's drug money, so it's hard to do. Remember that mountain the Joker had

in the Dark Knight movie? He had like a trillion dollars he was on top of. That was so much money. It was way too much money to be believable. He's in a sled. Well, look at my money pile. Honestly,

like a trillion dollars he had. It was like a kid in a castle. He was on top of this heap of money. You fell off of it, you get hurt. I understand. He just wants to watch the world burn. Get it. Burn all of it.

Like, you got future projects. You've got plans. Those guys aren't working for free. What would that do to circulation if you just burnt a trillion dollars? Like, literally burnt it? I don't know. There's not even a trillion dollars

in physical circulation, is there? Like, there's not even a trillion dollars in physical circulation is there like there's no i've seen something about the vast majority of money is not physical yeah i saw that there was some really interesting stat about the vast majority of the cash money maybe that it's not in the u.s or something there was something speculation based on i don't know i don't know you You know what? I don't understand how the economy works. It's pretty complicated. Our economy?

I don't understand how any of us work. There's some sort of self-sustaining economy. Dude, Sonny is one of those shows that I really, I've never done this to any other show to this extent. I don't think i've watched seasons one through eight the creme de la creme of sunny in like six years because i drilled through them all so many times that if i like pop back it's like fuck i i ruined it by watching all of it you know 50 times in a row so it's just it's ruined the freshness here's what

i think the next generation of the way we watch tv should be because the office has perfected this for me the office hasn't been on the air for like 15 years or something like that um but it's it's got to be one of the most binge watched and re-watched shows of all time people love to watch the office when it was on netflix especially. That's what everyone talked about. A lot of people canceled their Netflix subscriptions when The Office left. It's on Peacock now, which is NBC's network who produced The Office, obviously. And over there, they've released these extended versions of this show that's been off the air for 15 years. And they're fun. Sometimes you're like, yeah, I understand why you

cut that like that's you got two jokes in a row instead of just the one but they just show you that alternate take but they let it keep going and the episodes are now instead of being 30 minutes they're like 45 minutes long and it's all the classic episodes oh that's cool like 30 more jokes it's great i love it i love it they're just including any riffing and improv in the final not just that but like um they do a lot of cutaways in the office where because it's sort of a mockumentary yeah and so the camera crew the idea is the camera crew has taken one character into the side room and they're giving their so you've got so many of those to go to

that you didn't have before because they film maybe 30 different like jokes so now they got those that well to draw upon it's it's one of the things that they definitely cut out was all the nastier meaner jokes um the length the but now they're in you know they say the office usually comes off as much meaner creed maybe uh phyllis phyllis comes off as real shitty um yeah like like she curses a lot she's like piss and there's a lot more fart jokes um like phyllis's farting uh happens a lot there was i was always wondering there's this scene where it's phyllis's wedding she's the matronly heavy gal and michael is sitting next to her inexplicably right because she's in like the makeup chair like like with her gown on with just her sister and michael has slid in there next

to her and he's having this conversation then all of a sudden he goes phyllis did you break wind she's like no no i didn't she just denies it and then he tries to continue with his speech and he goes man it's just thick ah she's thick and then later on he's like if you did it you know it's natural and everything and i always thought did michael fart and he's trying to blame it on her even though they're the only two people in the room because that's that's some pretty funny uh michael shit but no phyllis is just a stinky lady like You get more of that from the extended scenes that everybody knows about her farts. Did Toby deserve better? He gets so much hate. And I was like, what did he do exactly?

He put his hand on Pam's thigh in that scene when they were all locked in the office right in front of Jim. And Jim, they love the look Jim gives. They go, like looking at the hand on the thigh of his wife. He's just like, hmm. And then in that moment, Toby goes, like looking at the hand on the thigh of his wife. He's just like,

Hmm. And then in that moment, Toby goes wife at the time. Beyonce, at least, you know, like I was, Toby shouldn't be putting his hands on.

Toby's in love with Pam though. Uh, I think Toby mostly gets a bad rap, but that moment in particular is his like scummy Toby moment. Okay. Yeah. I was dealing with Michael Scott. He's a piece of shit. I did something immensely heroic the other day while I was... Did you?

Immensely heroic. I was ready to guess it. I was... Don't make it seem too good. Maybe mildly heroic. A little absolute? Yeah, a little... All or nothing on that one. I was in my basement working out, obviously, and there are windows in my basement that I can see out into my neighbor's side yard and I can see their fence, my fence and all that.

And they have a dog. And so I noticed early in my workout that their backyard gate was wide open, you know, and it's not far from there, you know, 30 yards and you're at the road. And there's always and it's a curve near there. They are easy to get a dog hit. And I was just working out lifting. And I was actually I think I was doing like overhead presses when I saw this dog kind of like wander out. overhead presses when i saw this dog kind of like wander out and he was standing like right near the gate and i'm like i'm gonna i need to keep an eye on you because i feel like i should sprint outside and over to my neighbor's house and grab their dog and put it in the backyard but i was like is that is that like over the line is that like too much like i picked i pictured myself in my head

like like running over there to grab their dog and put it back in their yard and my neighbor coming out and being like, I'm not stealing your dog. And like something like that. And so I waited, walked around for a couple more minutes. He was just sniffing a tree in the side yard. I look back up a minute or two later

and he's like 10 yards from the road. And I like dropped what I was doing. I sprinted upstairs and like went out the front yard and was like, Hey, Hey Beasley. Cause I know his name's Beasley. And I was like, Beasley, come on, come on Beasley. And I did that thing where like, he doesn't really know me. And so I just was like doing that, like trying to amp a dog up in a direction. Like, let's go this way. Let's go this way, Beasley. Let's go this way, Beasley.

And he like kind of amped way beasley and he like kind of amped up and he followed and he ran back to his yard i locked him back in his backyard and i was like damn i just saved the life i did the same thing the life i did the exact same thing we're all heroes we're all just like 9-11 first responders yeah my piece of shit neighbor uh moved out and abandoned his two dogs one's three and one's and one's 10. And they're just stuck back there. And one of them had escaped. And I put his ass back in there. But I kind of wish I just let him escape

into the neighborhood because he keeps beating up the poor old dog just all the time. I don't know what they're going to do. The cops knocked on my door at 9 a.m. the other morning, scared the shit out of me. Because nobody likes cops knocking on the door at 9 a.m. Yeah, it's scary.

But he's like, you know this guy over here with the dogs? 9am the other morning scared the shit out of me because nobody likes cops knocking on the door. And, uh, but, but he's like, you know, this guy over here with the dogs. And I'm like, you know, I'm a busy body.

So I'm like, let me tell you a story. I'm like, I'm about to shake this narrative. Pay attention, clarify to my framing. I'm like that piece of shit over there yeah that piece of shit call him the dog rapist you can guess why yeah oh tommy the terrible yeah

yeah because we're a whole block of fibers you can't trust a single thing about this i was like i was like and make sure you talk to the neighbor behind him, talk to her. And I know she hates him because she's always over there just trying to make the dog stop fighting. Cause it's two male dogs again, three and 10 and one of them is like this sweet fucking fuzzy fucker. And the other one's kind of a bulldog,

but they look pitiful over there. I don't know what they're going to do. They just abandoned those dogs. Do you think you're as much of a busy body peeking through the blinds and stuff as that fat neighbor who's rude i just meant i'm a busy body in that i wanted to gossip with that cop and like tell him everything he needed to know about how shitty the neighbor was so that he could approach that with so he could skip a few steps i was just kind of i wanted him to know like this guy's a piece of shit he's gonna resist like you trying to get him to do things so just know that going in was kind of what i was trying to tell him and it's all true

because i i don't know that guy's kind of a piece of shit unfortunately he seemed like a nice guy he's the guy that i helped he was locked out of his house and i came over the step ladder to to like help him break into his own house and and i and i said then and i'll say it again now that is how you know i'm not racist a strange black man asked me if i if i had a ladder so he could get back into his house okay i don't know this guy i don't know they live in caves yeah you're an accessory let me get that jesus let me get that i let him write it down that's how it could have played out imagine you would be an accessory. If that had not been his house, the cops show up. They're arresting him.

They find out the ladder. Hey, do you know anything about this ladder? I'm like, yeah, that's my ladder. You gave this man this ladder? You helped him break in? Then they're like, run my information. Oh, Mr. Myers! I'm going downtown with that guy. I'm really glad that he was the actual resident of the house.

Now you have an ally in the cul-de-sac. Did you pay any attention to DeSantis' announcement that he's running for president? Man, how do the Republicans always embarrass themselves? How can they not get on board with tech? How do you not hire a kid? It's 2023, right? Is it 23?

Yes. Yeah. Was it Twitter that the audio didn't work or something like that when he was trying to announce? Yeah. This a lot of just woody guessing but for people who don't know ron de santis teamed up with elon musk to do his presidential announcement that he's officially running for president on twitter and it was an audio only event that was a live stream and something like a hundred thousand people tuned in and it was five hundred thousand i think it was a lot right oh a hundred oh no no i definitely read a hundred thousand i

don't know if a hundred it was a hundred thousand because i remember aoc being like more people showed out showed up to watch me play among us because they did i don't doubt that i'd rather watch her play among us and listen to dumbass DeSantis. I'll watch her play anything she wants to play. The nickname they're doing now, Ron Disaster, finally a good one. That's better than Ron DeSanctimonious. Trump needs to switch. He needs to jump on. But anyway, so I think what happened is just what he's guessing. I bet there was a DDoS attack.

For people who don't know, a denial of service attack is when you make a request of some service and make them answer you. And the trick to it is to have a multiplier. If I say, Taylor, what time is it? Taylor, what time is it? Taylor, what time is it? He spends as much time answering as I spend asking. What you want to say is, Taylor, read me the phone book. Taylor, read me the phone book.

Now he's just crushed with it. That's a denial of service tech. A distributed denial of service tech is when you have a bunch of zombie machines, like a million computers, all saying, Taylor, read me the phone book. Taylor, read me the phone book. And then they overload the servers as Taylor tries to satisfy all your requests and it's a problem. All right. So I suspect that because Ron DeSantis was announcing that Twitter might have been able to handle this load if they weren't attacked at the same time, I'm guessing. But because it's a political figure and there's going to be guys who would just want to fuck with it, I bet that's what happened. And he started like eight or 10 minutes late to begin with, and then it got delayed more and more. And eventually, like 30 minutes after he started, he had a kind of crappy broken audio announcement for president.

So that went poorly. But it looks bad. Biden had a little had a little little thing. He tweeted out, you know, the Biden for America reelection campaign at link. And he was like, don't worry, this link link works i didn't see that that was good it was a good little tweet from that staffer i it's almost like to me desantis didn't do anything wrong but it's just another like little nail in the coffin if he never seems to get it right no he looks silly in that photo where he's wearing those really high uh boots

it's an older photo yeah it's a bag every time it's too high of boots for how short he is yeah is he short he's definitely shorter than like trump and biden oh i didn't know but okay i um he's shorter isn't he i'm not calling you wrong. I just never knew. It's looking like the Santa's art disaster. That's a better one. It's looking like he's not going to be as much of a player. We've got to get to the debates. The debates matter so much.

The debates matter so much. The debates matter a lot. There are the boots. Hang on a minute. Those are the boots that were provided. Look at the lady on the left. She got them same boots on. Oh, you're right. Yeah, but it still looks like a good lady's boots.

He didn't pick those out at JCPenney. He did pick out that fucking vest, though. You know, Trump wouldn't wear those. Damn, they got matching fucking vests and shirts. That's his wife's. There's some old pictures that sang people. One I can think of is John Kerry. I think he may have visited Intel or something and they put him in this

sterile suit. I think it's called a bunny suit. Do you guys know what this looks like? It was a bad look. It looked terrible. And then, of course, the famous one, I can't remember, is it Gephardt? There's Dukakis. Dukakis in the tank. He looked so dorky and lame

and it didn't help him in his candidacy and it's just it looks bad it looks stupid it's not it's not cool i don't give him a pass you know there's it i look that's that's so funny that's that's awful it's all he trump wouldn't do that trump would have been more aware of the optics You want me to crawl? You want me to crawl? Yeah No, make it bigger, big enough for me to stand Sir, it's It has to dock with mere

I said bigger So Anyway The DeSantis picture laughing I don't know why I project all this Unlikability onto it, maybe you guys haven't seen this picture. It looks like he's over laughing to make people like him. He probably is. He's a politician.

I think what matters, what always swayed me one way or another, it made me think of a guy as inept or incompetent or something like that, is those gaffes at a, at a speaking event. Like, like whenever they don't have an answer, like they clearly don't have an answer. And Trump was good at exposing that in the debates.

I thought whether he won via the, the rules of traditional debate or not, he would be like, no, no, no. Say it. Well,

you won't say it. Well, yeah, yeah, you won't say it. And then you, you're like, yeah,

he won't say it. Why won't say it will you yeah you won't say it and and then you're like yeah he won't say it why won't he say it and you kind of appreciate that trump kind of made held somebody's feet to the fire because traditionally that never happened to those things and he's look he benefits from that more than anybody they can't they don't know how to hold his feet to the fire no one's figured it out yet remember megan kelly getting fucking bullied remember this last chick with the under bite getting bullied? I thought she was pretty. I need to see her again. The CNN chick, the town hall? She's pretty, but you know... I need to see it again. I didn't notice.

No, Bulldog Man. It's no big deal. Megan Kelly was super hot. I don't even know if she's doing news anymore. Is she? She is. She's got her own private thing. She's just being hot at the megan kelly i think it's mostly conservative i watched like 10 minutes or something of hers a while back and i thought it felt conservative to me like like you know not on fox no i don't remember exactly

but uh but no she's still fucking hot she is i assume i have not i wonder how her i wonder how her money is like like, she was a bigger star on Fox News, on that platform. But now I think she owns her platform. I'm not sure about that. Is it more profitable to be a big fish in a small pond? Might be. I don't know.

She probably has books, too, and shit. I wonder if she's got an OnlyFans. That's her move. There's so much money to pay. That's where I do my news at. You remember those, the naked news? I might pay for a Megyn Kelly. Wasn't there like a Russian news network or something?

If she's sitting there just oiling her titties up, she's wearing a pencil skirt, right? She's wearing appropriate bottoms and her makeup's done and she's sitting there in the news chair. But she's inexplicably just oiling her titties. Hear me out.

I'm just curious. I would love to see Megyn Kelly just have Nancy Pelosi on solely for that reason. To see the two of them. I know she's like 100. Coming up at 11, whose tits are bigger? Nancy Pelosi or Megyn Kelly's? You won't want to miss it. I think it's 100, but I still want to see them.

I think it's 32 states. It's 32 some odd states where ladies are allowed to go topless. Perfectly legal for them to do so. It's either 32 or 36. That's such a hilarious thing to protest because no women are going to run around and be topless. Sometimes they flash though and they used to get arrested for it. The only ones who are doing that are the ones who are at the protests, who like paint themselves and they seem very angry and upset

that they can't be naked in public without getting punished, except they're currently naked in public without being punished. I think of it this way, that now you don't make women sex offenders for flashing their titties because no one wants that. We all have the the horror stories of and i don't know how real it is of people who piss in public yeah we're going to be doing that we need to add a piss in public one i it because why should that guy be lumped in

i mean i love this so long as you're peeing it's okay to flash it's gonna be cold in showers cold showers all over New York. Goddamn perverts pissing at the middle school all day. That would be the people. Hey, you're just pouring water out next to your hard dick. You're under the urethra exemption. Yeah, it could be like, I don't know. I'm from the country, man.

Like we pull over and piss all the time on road trips. Dude, just pull over. I'm going to piss here. Piss here. Like, behind a gas station, behind a tree. Like, got to piss, man. Yeah, it's normal. Got to go.

You got to go. In the country, it's different. Nobody cares in the country. Yeah, but I mean. Nobody around. I piss in a parking garage, and apparently that's a bad thing to do. Yeah, even if you have uromycetisis, which means that you have to pee.

That's right. Or you could die. Or you could die. That classic is real. No, it is. That's the next movie. Like, move over Cranked. Here comes uromycetisis. No, you had that. No, you did have a friend with uromycetisis

because he got stuck in that parking garage they couldn't find his car and he'd been there for so long i'm like what's he supposed to just burst because that's what would have happened yeah it's a weakening of the bladder yeah he couldn't find a way to pee and there's never anywhere to pee in fucking parking garages and so he went in the corner got caught by a security guard they should really put porta potties in there. They should. Just in case. He ended up getting off on it.

That's a Seinfeld thing. He ended up getting off on it. Yeah, he got off on it. It turns out his parents, there was some sort of funeral, something like that. He actually lied. He made it up.

If you get a photograph of yourself next to the coffin, you can use that to get that airline discount for visiting the bereaved or being bereaved. Yeah, you can't get discount for visiting the bereaved or being bereaved. Yeah, you can't get it for visiting the bereaved. Like that's... Who's drawing the line here?

I'm so sad. You can get it. You can get the discount for visiting the bereaved. You can get it. I'm visiting someone who's visiting the bereaved. How far does this go? I'm just really bummed. Yeah. does this go i'm just really bummed yeah uh right at two hours let's go ahead and hear from our wonderful sponsors all right usually i've been too i've been late on sponsors past couple weeks freeze pipe this episode of pka is brought to you by freeze pipe makers of the smoothest hitting

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So check it out, particularly lock and load because that's our baby. That's our brain child. So get yourself some lock and load. If haven't already start surprising your girlfriend wife or boyfriend with your loads and we're back i've been watching a lot of those horror anthologies so i ran out of like ones on traditional channels so now i'm on to like tubi which is free tv but god damn you're bored or in shutter and i got i got shutter and i found i just canceled shutter uh i i found more content i fucking bled money into shutter for the last two years so on shutter if you want a fun little show to watch it's uh the creep show uh tv show it's kind of tales from the crypt it is like tales from the crypt okay i love those every episode's

like an hour long it's kind of low budget but it's horror often there's those twist endings where someone gets their comeuppance ironic comeuppance often or misleads at the beginning there was a great one uh where two astronauts are for the first time testing our the the new um gravity field generator and the Gravity Field Generator. And the actor is Jason Stackhouse from True Blood. You know, the really fit quarterback guy. And his father was the first man on Mars, so he's got big shoes

to fill. And they do this interview back on Earth, and they're like, so the first test was a success. You've generated gravity. You have a doctor. That's incredible. And they keep praising his co-pilot because he's the one who invented the shit and they just ignore him. You can see

he's getting madder and madder. They're just fucking ignoring him. Pat and this other guy on the back on national TV and the other guy's trying to give him some props, trying to shine his wheels a little but as soon as he does that, they're like oh yeah, Jason Stackhouse, your dad was the first man on Mars. Must cast a long shadow, eh?

And he's like, no ma'am, not at all. I'm just happy to be here, happy to contribute. And they end the interview and he's pissed. He's fucking fuming. He's fucking fuming about this. He's like, that was a fucking dig. She wanted a reaction out of me. This is horse shit.

This is horse shit. And he gets madder and madder. And then they contact him. NASA does. And she's like, I'm going to tell you something. Only six people on the planet now. We have been in contact with an alien race for many years now. They've contacted us.

They want to make first contact. One of you is going to make it. By messaging. We're going to go meet them. We've never met one. They've been messaging us. They're here. They're on the dark side of the moon. They want you going to go meet them. We've never met one. They've been messaging us. They're here. They're on the dark side of the moon.

They want you guys to fly over there. You're going to go into a portal. You're going to talk to them, make first contact. One of you is. Doctor, it's you. Jason Stackhouse is like, oh! Now it's time for a big first. You're the first man to talk to the aliens.

They're flying there. And he locks the doctor in the gravity generator room. And turns it on. And explodes him. Kills the fucking doctor. Gets to the dark side of the moon. And how gravity works? He's got a gravity generating thing. So that he can make more or less gravity anywhere.

He's got like this contraption in a room. So they, they go to meet the aliens and he beams up there and they sort of put him in this bubble of air in space in front of them. And they are hideous. They're like, I don't know, a head with a single eye and this big scorpion tail and like two big,

scary limbs, but they're very polite. They're not scary at all. They're like, human, where is the ambassador? And he's like, that's me. I'm the ambassador. No, no, no. Ambassador Gorlock, where is he?

We sent him here many years ago to give you the anti-gravity technology, the first of many exchanges. And Jason Sackler's like, oh, yeah? And they're like, they start sweating him a little, and the guy goes, scan him! And they grab him by the head with that little tentacle, and they're like, uh! And they get a quick fast-forward of everything he just did,

killing their fucking boy and everything. He's like, you have terminated Ambassador Gorlock. Well, we find you unworthy, human. You wish to be known. Now you will be. Every human will know your name. For as long as they have left, that is. And then, because the moon is now on a collision course with the earth.

And he's like, wait, no, no, no. You don't understand. I had to be the first. And they're like, well, you are you are goodbye and they fucking peace out and then you watch the moon fall into the earth and the whole thing fucking explode it was a great episode i loved it there's a lot of them like that it's over after that yeah it's over that's it they end darkly most of them end with like oh and oh i forget yeah it's an anthology and so they kind of they do tend to end darker like yeah they're like 20 30 minute episodes of just what is that called suffering uh creep show creep show that sounds very up my alley i need to try that creep and

there's at least two creep show movies that are like movie movies with better budget i've seen one i i really like those two i like horror anthologies a lot i watched a bunch of them this week um i like the funny ones like trick-or-treat is kind of a modern one and it's kind of light hearted there's not gore there's blood there's guts but it's i don't like when they're funny and they're trying to be like they're they're like we're making a campy horror like no i want a horror movie that the guy is trying and it's funny despite it you know trick or treat rides that line really well and i thought a movie called trick or treat was gonna be lame as shit especially since it's not all that old it's but it was really good um but

i like the ones where there's like a crazy twist where you thought you were with the good guy the whole time but they turn out to be the fucking bad guy and and you've been celebrating this as he beats the bad guy to death but really that was the good guy and you're like oh no no there's a monkey's paw episode that's pretty horrible the guy asked for his wife the wife asked for enough money so that their business won't fail she falls and dies insurance policy flush with cash the husband gets the monkey paw and asked for his wife back to come back bad move we forget she's just in that coffin in the ground yeah you know just just suffering down there rotting away alive cemetery yeah he didn't he didn't even go

back for he didn't think to go back for he thought literally she's just gonna show up here and be back but he just brought her back to life inside the coffin and he runs a mortuary so he's sitting there wishing his wife were with him and he's and he's next to the sign that advertises the ever last coffin and it's like last 10 000 years locking this lock oh he Oh, I'm worried it's my headset. Your audio just dropped, gentlemen. Yes, you're out. You're out of audio. Plum out of audio. We need some more.

Let's just keep telling him. Maybe he doesn't know you didn't get it. Let's just, yeah. Do you understand that we can't hear you? Kyle, your audio is bad. Yeah, let's get that together. He's jumping on you. You're muted.

Did you watch, you didn't watch your poor hurricanes last night at all no i did see the score though and it was a good game what there were a lot of good games and they lose in like quadruple overtime first game game one yeah every single game was other than actually not every single game was close it's just uh florida's goalie when i say florida's goalie name it sounds like a made-up name sergey bobrovsky and like he's true he's unbelievably good sometimes and he's doing that now and so i think at one point he saved like 130 of the past 131 shots like over the course of like three games which is retarded that's insane yeah that's uh so there was when i saw he was playing like that even in you know game three i was like oh carolina will not be winning this series because it was one

of those like goalie just steals it so who came out of the west is that decided yet not yet it'll tonight i believe um i think ve Vegas can close it out tonight. Vegas is up three to nothing on the Dallas Stars. Yeah, I would much rather Vegas get through than Dallas. But they're a new team and they've had a lot of success for a new team. Yeah, I don't want them to win the cup. No, like I want Florida to win the cup of the remaining teams. Yeah, I like a team that like like a saint louis right

saint louis you guys had you ever won before ever never won how old is your team 1967 yeah it was the first expansion team yeah the first expansion team after the original six a bunch of absolute a bunch of never do wells i like it when some untalented hacks finally luck themselves into a good year well you know i don't know about that and then never are good again that that's what i like to see yeah dude that it did suck that covid like and that like the impact covid had on the cap fucked the blues harder than it there was no possible time that could have played out worse for the blues to be the best in their history than right before the cap got stagnated we lose

our captain we lose a bunch of players and now we're shit but not quite real shit the kind where you go on 14 game winning streaks in the middle of the year for no reason and just appear a bad draft pick it's like god the sixers are doing that terrible thing in sports right now where they're like they make it to like fifth best team in the league and it looks like they're gonna top out there our second best player is old uh our very best team our very best player um he's not super old i think he's 29 and 30 but he plays a position where people don't last that long. He's a gigantic center.

And it's just like, this was kind of the year. I don't see us being better next year. No one's going to be like, you know what? It took me until 31 and 34 to figure it out. That's not what's up. I think that if Vegas wins tonight versus Dallas, then every conference final in the NBA and the NHL this year was a sweep. Which is bizarre.

I would be surprised if that's ever happened before. I even had a little bit of fun following along online. I don't care about LeBron or those teams, but I like to see a sweep sometimes. If I don't care about it, because or those teams, but I like, I like to see a sweep sometimes. Like if I don't care about it, because it's like that, it's impressive. It's cool.

And like, I found like, Oh yeah, come on Denver. Let's go Denver. Like you can do it. You know, it's kind of,

here we go. Between the Lakers and Denver. So the Lakers were way behind in the first game. And then they figured out, I had to defend Jokic and they lost by like six or something. All right. So they're like, Ooh, the Denver must be scared. Meanwhile, they just won.

The Lakers figured out how to beat them. And then in the next game, it was like a similar type narrative. And then the next game, and now Reddit's going bonkers. Like the Lakers swept in moral victories. Never before have we seen a team get four moral victories where they could have won i did see a clip of the coach like being like we lost four games but we didn't lose them we got we got beats but we didn't lose four games you know what i mean and the media is like yeah they really didn't want to lose a game did Did they, they didn't expect that, that outcome. Cause I remember, I don't follow that shit at all, but I saw the

picture of LeBron like head down. And then I saw like some quote from another, from one of the players in the locker room, like what just happened? That shit did not just happen. Like I don't think they really expect all that to happen. I'm a LeBron hater. I really don't like that gentleman. You know, he's just been mixed up in crime and drugs. You know, he's a womanizer. This is true. He associates himself with the wrong crowd.

You always see him, you know, gang signs and guns, gang sides and guns. Like be an example for your community, right? Be a leader. Be a man that people want to aspire to be. You know, you have this platform. You have all this money. You can be whatever you want to be, but he's chosen to be kind of a, I don't know. He should be more like John Morant, I guess. Yeah.

See, there you have a guy who knows his fan base. That guy can read a room. Ja Morant looks around. He knows people love fucking guns. Dude, look, it's not enough to be able to ball, okay? You gotta be strapped with the beam, okay?

You know, after he lost in Indiana, he and his teammates pointed like guns with laser sights at the other team's staff guys in his car there's these red beaches winning spirit okay we used to celebrate that in this country and all yeah we used to reward this before fucking uh participation trophy culture came in babe ruth would fire his handgun in the air after every home run okay everybody knows that nobody gave the the the babe a hard time back in the day american hero himself uh you know i i just think i just can't

stand it i don't know i don't know why i don't like lebron i do like that this has been i don't know anything about it. Everything I said, the opposite. I know he's like, he seems like apparently he's a genuinely good guy. Was like crazy famous at 15 years old. ESPN had him playing live on TV when he was like 16 or 17 years old. He has been famous since he was a kid.

He has never gotten in trouble for anything. There's no womanizing claims. He's given like hundreds of millions to charity. He founded a school in low income neighborhoods to help them get ahead. And I kind of like his style of charity. It's a real like teach a man to fish as opposed to like give a man a fish. Like that's what he's all about. And he's a billionaire with a b and he never went

to college but he's just dude if you did that to young woody and i would just go to prison or something like it wouldn't work out well i was stupid and lebron james is a much better man uh fuck every cheerleader that i could right i wouldn't have made it through. All the Laker girls would have baby bumps. At the same time. That's amazing. It's all my babies. I'm trying to set it up so I can have one big birthday.

Going for the sweet, but this chick with their copper IUD is a problem. Yeah. I mean, how could you not? His wife's very love lovely but she's his high school girlfriend like you can't beat that right that's uh that's sweet yeah that's his girl from fucking high school you know he's stuck and you gotta imagine in high school there

is gotta be a bunch of hoes throwing themselves at him and he and he's stuck with that girl and then he kept sticking with that girl no matter what they laid on the table in front of him. No matter how tall the pussy was stacked. Or maybe they got an agreement. Maybe they're smashing girls together, right? Like, who knows? Yeah, I sometimes low-key wonder. Like, when you marry LeBron James,

you just have to accept that. I don't know. Is he religious? I would imagine he's religious. I don't know. I don't know. You'd think he'd be out with that because he's kind of political with the kid chose a college now his kid's really good at basketball so i don't know what his grades were but he was really proud that like no one in his family had ever gone to college before and now this kid is the first one and uh there's some sort of like fatherly pride that i found heartwarming about it i noticed from that picture right there that like his hair regrowth has been a total success

or his hair transplant transplant that's not a transplant that's glued on that's glued on that's a process so like as white people there's some shit we just don't know about that's why you gotta have black friends do y'all wash your legs black people make fun of us for not washing our legs did y'all know that you don't wash your legs white friends Do y'all wash your legs? Black people make fun of us for not washing our legs Did y'all know that? You don't wash your legs? White people in general don't wash their legs Not carefully Now that Kyle said it

I'm like I definitely don't wash my ass Oh it's absolutely half assed And it's more of like If I get my thighs up here The cleanliness will go past See black people get like a wash rag And they like soap up their shins.

I've never soaped my shins. I watched a TikTok the other day of a black guy getting one of those put on the other day. He had real bad male pattern baldness. Big shoehorn thing. They just glue this whole thing on there. There's a lot to it.

He's brushing at one point. It looks like he's applying lacquer. I don't know. and they just glue this whole thing on there, man. There's a lot to it, right? He's brushing at one point. It looked like he's applying lacquer. I don't know. There was a lot to it. He's a bit of an artist, and when he was done, all of a sudden this dude who had no hair had the perfect hairline.

You know what I mean? They brought it down all the way to just above his eyebrows. He should just go bald. He's a professional athlete. Tons of professional athletes go bald. I'm sure that Shaq has given him shit about that on

TNT. Isn't Shaq bald? Yes. Yeah, and he sticks with it. He shaves that shit off. So does Barkley, so do all the boys over there. He's the only one clinging to that nonsense. He's the only billionaire in the room who can't accept that he's bald. Yeah, I mean...

Elon Musk. Oh, I meant the black billionaires. I meant like a TNT broadcast booth. What? Whose hair is that? Is that Carlos Boozer? I'm 80% sure he stole that from a Lego and just put it on his own head. That's rough, bro.

You want hair with right angles. That hair on the left, though? with with right angles i wouldn't that hair on the left though i wouldn't give that a second glance like like obviously the way it it it sort of makes that right angle there you can i could accept that that's his hairline and they've just kind of razored that in for that yeah that's a i mean that's why i went to a black barber because kyle mentioned they were artists and i'm like these are the most skilled hair cutters in the business they're better than women's hair what landscapers and i just thought like they're gonna get my fade at a level that it's never seen before but they it's not what i was going for i mean i gave you a fade

to make sure you would never wander your way back in that's so funny to me i can't believe you went to a black barber twice i remember that whole routine was stolen by a comedian i wish i had saved it but like i told the whole story and at the end of it i handed him colin and then he did it to my son and that's how i know the stole the story was stolen because the comedian had the same ending i was like oh man that just really seems damn not that i super care i I can't what are you original? you should call him out, you should edit that together like you saying it, dated

and then him saying it and just expose him fucking start a Twitter campaign and shit fucking hack you fucking hack, who else is he stolen from? maybe he's like maybe he's some race that we can maybe he's like a Mormon or something or a

Catholic so we can really lay into him. He's not a protected person of any kind. That's the problem. If he's a gypsy, it really leans into the stolen the stealing thing. Oh. It does. I just like it.

Holy stealing here. We should just assign gypsyism to him. Man, i can smell my own breath so strongly with all the onions yeah i don't want to keep eating it but i feel like i should eat more of it i have a little yeah i had more earlier what is what no i'm just trying to think i had a big bite of this one. Oh, yeah, that is it. Kyle, have you watched the... Oh. Nice, put it in full screen. Aren't you? Have I watched the... Ukraine updates.

I guess, like, the latest stuff I've seen, Wagner continues to troll the Russian army. The guy that's, like, on the ground running Wagner made this stupid video where he's like, we have conquered Bakhmut. They don't call it Bakhmut. They've got a, they've renamed it some Russian name,

but he's like, we've conquered Bakhmut. We're pulling out and we're turning over all of our food, all of our ammo, all of our emplacements to the Russian main army. They will have all of that stuff. They were turning it over to them and control of the city. And just in case they need

any help, I've got two of my best here. Ditov and Nikov. Boys, come here. These guys were instrumental in taking the city. They almost did it single-handedly. And they're two like fuck-offs. One's like 19 and the other's like way too

old to be there. He's got like a big bushy white beard and they look scared they do not want to be part of this propaganda propaganda video but they have to be and like you boys are gonna stay behind and you teach the russian main army our our ways you keep them in line and help hold the city can you do that and you can can you help the russians hold and they're like yes comrade yes comrade general it It was funny. I love it. They're trolling each other. They're giving each other a hard time about that. I saw that, I guess, our JDAMs, which is GPS guided munitions, big bombs strapped to the jets of the Ukrainians, have been getting scrambled by the

Russians a good bit. they don't know if um they've been rendered ineffective because of russian jamming or because of how low the ukrainians are flying their planes i guess f-16s are kind of on the way so we're like a couple hundred leopards i learned all about the leopard tank today like they prove the f-16s and then it'll be like september and I still won't see them. Yeah. A third Russian scientist has been put on trial for treason or charged with treason, I should say. What I read about that was it was because they had sold secrets to China.

At least one of them had, was the charge against him at least. Now China will have missiles that don't work. Yeah, I don't know. It's always fun. I don't watch as much of the drone footage anymore. I think my bloodlust has been sated. Nice vocabulary, though. I'm digging it.

I don't need to see any more people get blown up, I don't think. Unless they do it in a cool way. When those leopards get there, maybe they do some interesting stuff. Maybe a quad. I did see, I saw, I like the videos where they superimpose countries' flags on top of the vehicles and troops. Yes, yes, yes. And it's like, here's the Russian tank, and here's his troops.

The troops are 20 yards away in the bushes. I guess there was a miscommunication because the tank just blows them all up with a high explosive tank around. And then their little icon goes man y'all y'all are kind of mean about this yeah dude so you know the russians invaded russia the ukrainians invaded russia yeah they uh and there's a bit of there's a bit of scariness at the White House. There's an investigation going on right now into whether or not American equipment was used to invade Russia proper. Invade in quotation

marks. I think I might have read more about this. The Ukrainians armed two groups of Russian freedom fighters. By the way, one of the groups, Nazis. So, friend of our friend, Nazis. So, but friend of our friend and whatever.

And these Russians... Yeah. Oh, man. Life is so funny. So they're like swastika'd up. Here's the best part, Taylor. Here's the best part. You know where some of the weapons that the Nazi unit will be using are coming from no germany yeah israel so the oh they absolutely used american equipment there are some humvees and i don't know if there's any

armored equipment but yeah yeah they they used american equipment they weren't ukrainians doing it of course they weren't americans doing it there's questions as to what like level of approval they had clearly they were armed by ukrainians that is not in denial but they're like did zelinsky actually know um there's they're like the um some of the attacks in russia and this one like some of the attacks in Russia and some of the deeper attacks in Russia where they take out oil refineries and such, there's some thought that these guys are Ukrainian military leaders acting somewhat independently or plausible deniability. It's hard to tell. And then these two Russian groups that invaded Russia and took over three towns for two

days, they're Russians who just hate Putin. These two Russian groups that invaded Russia and took over like three towns for two days. They're Russians who just hate Putin. But given that they're armed with like Ukrainian tanks and armored vehicles and American Humvees, they're obviously supported by Ukrainians. And they're just like, yeah, take our shit. Go in. So we might be talking about two different instances of things happening, because what I'm thinking of is to call them Russians. They're in a part of Russia that used to be Ukraine in 2014. So they don't think of themselves as Russians. They think of themselves as Ukrainians who have been under siege for the last 10 years or whatever.

But I think the White House said they were investigating whether any U.S. equipment had been used in going over there. That's kind of a no-no. The investigation need not go much farther than Reddit. It's pretty clear. They filmed themselves doing it in Hummer. Well, that's no good. They shouldn't be doing that. I don't like that at all.

I think a key part of this has to be, and I know it's a silly line to draw, but I don't think it's a silly line if you're a Russian. I don't want F-16s flying over russia i don't want american bombs being dropped in russia um yeah no shit like you're when you're on this side of the fence we got beef yeah you step outside the ring i'm not gonna pull a khabib and just lose my cool and jump over the and start smashing dylan dennis or something. He's in Russia prime. I can't go over there. I'm mixed. I liked it as a tactic. Because right now what's happening is Russia isn't defending their own borders.

Russia gets to spend all of their troops in Ukraine pushing that new border. Pushing the front lines. So by arming some Russians to go attack Russia, it's like, all right, it's not us attacking you, kind of. But now you have a big border that you need to put people on. Ukraine spends a lot of resources defending places where there's barely any battling. Why? Because if they don't, then Russia will roll in with 100 tanks and take that over. So Ukraine needs to defend their entire border, but Russia gets to choose where they attack, which by the way,

made me see something like D-Day in an entirely new light. Like, man, it must've been hard to defend everywhere. And then we get to like, choose where we attack and put all our forces in that one spot. So now the Russians, if they do this a couple of times and they say they're going to do it again the russians that rebel russians or say they're going to attack russia again russia has to be like well fuck i guess we'll take 100 tanks and put them across the border so that we can respond somewhat rapidly the um that cia guy he was talking about the early days of the conflict he's like every day you hear about a little fire or some train tracks or this burned down, that burned down. This guy fell out of a building.

This guy drowned. It's clear that there's a target list that had already been made and it's being worked through by agents behind lines. Starting fires, assassinating people destroying infrastructure and obviously russia doesn't talk about it a lot but if you just if you're just on reddit every couple days you're like massive fire you see like this huge complex and it's it's um it's aero defense um contractors it's it's munitions plants ukrainians are hilarious every single time they say russians have awful smoking habits and they shouldn't smoke near the flammable things yeah every time

they burn a russian factory down they're like those russian factory workers and their cigarette disposal so careless do russians smoke a lot is that a stereotype yes yeah that is a stereotype who are the smokingest people because i bet it's the fucking i bet it's an asian country i'm kind of asian for sure they love smoking vietnam i say vietnam that's my bet vietnam or maybe like singapore for some reason i want to think somewhere down in there but i'm gonna go vietnam is like where you'd see those pictures of like six-year-old kids like ripping darts away yeah you got a lucky strike yeah lucky and napalm lucky strikes and napalm scars dude i i saw lucky strikes at a gas station within the last year or

two and i really thought like i should buy a pack of lucky strike cigarettes that's i didn't even know they had just from madman yeah they look just from uh band of brothers isn't that oh okay it probably is. I think Madman. You're 100% right. That's the smoke of the 40s to me. So the Ukrainians lost back moot. But I don't know.

There's still this big counteroffensive looming that hasn't really happened yet. We'll see what happens. Wish we knew how many Ukrainians had died. I wish we had accurate numbers on both sides. And I don't want anyone to think I'm too foolish here. I realize that we're getting the Ukrainian side of things always. So you don't hear about the bad stuff that happens.

And when you do, it's framed in a way. It's like, ah, fucking Alexei Gumenov fucking gave his life for the glorious nation. And then they play a song or something. And I mean, it's sad or whatever. But it's like, well, what happened? how bad of a battle did you guys lose uh so i don't know i listened to so much ukrainian propaganda it felt like good news every time they lost another hundred meters you know and they played for every foot this is essential We cannot lose Bakhmut. We didn't want it anyway. That's how everybody always They never said Bakhmut was

important. And I said this like a month ago. I was like, here's what's going to happen. And it did. Ukrainians are going to say this was a win. We bled them dry. They cost them 1,500 tanks and 100,000 soldiers and they paid way too big a price for something that didn't matter.

The Russians are going to say, yeah, but we won. Both sides are going to claim victory. That's what's happened. I can't tell the truth. I remember stuff about how important Bakhmut was last year. Really? I don't.

They said it was important tactically because it protected, I guess, two different split-offs where you could go from there. That was a big narrative about it. Those other cities are elevated and Bakhmut is in a valley.

They're like, you can't attack those cities from Bakhmut. Now, maybe missiles don't care about elevation? I don't know. don't one thing i've learned during this war is how little i know about how to wage war this like i am watching these pincher movements and surrounding i'm learning about operational surroundment which means you surround three sides but you can get artillery that reaches the four sides and now they basically have to die as they leave i'm learning all this shit and like i see like let's say you've got this big

sea of bad guys and then they penetrate in on two sides they're like aha they're surrounding these guys in the middle like yes but they're each surrounded themselves why is their surrounding better than your surrounding i don't i don't understand uh i just learned that i do not understand how war works i'd like to see a war between maybe a war between people who don't fight all the time like russia ukraine kind of predictable we've lost and i disagree i just you don't want to see a brand new war how about japan versus my whole life we've been fighting the sand that is a good one you wouldn't like to see japan versus australia what's your bet japan all-out war and you say japan wins Japan wins. US is not allowed to join.

US has no idea. I was going to say whichever one US backs. Yeah, US is not in it. Japan destroys Australia. Australia is so fun. We made them buy our nuclear submarines, which they have no real use for. It's like, what are they used for? And they're like,

their worry is China. We want Australia to have nuclear submarines because they're next to China. The Australians are like, well, wait a minute. What are we going to protect with them? Well, the shipping lane to China, of course. Wait, from who? Well, the Chinese. How much do these cost?

$34 billion each. We'll take six. Yes, you will. You don't have an option. You don't have an option. You see, Australia, you are a vassal state of the United States, and you do what we say. I saw a bunch of those Patriot missile systems got bought by maybe Japan.

I think they bought a bunch. Or maybe Taiwan did. Yeah, it was Taiwan. I learned more about how that thing worked. Okay, so you've got like a control. It's multiple pieces, all of which are about the size of a semi truck. One of them, there's some dudes inside of it like operating it, but then

like 10 kilometers away, everything separated by like 10 or 12 kilometers. Each pod of that. A lot of it is missiles that shoot, but some of it is the detection radar, the part of it that senses things, the sensors, the shooty part, and then there's a command module. Oh, and then there's a part that powers everything. There's this crazy generator part that's nothing but high-duty generators being fueled up. It's all connected up i guess

and um i want to say they hit one the other day but they the russians did but they said it like it didn't damage it they talked about the accuracy of the russian munitions because lately they've been targeting the patriot missiles in particular like instead of hitting the city or a building or the defense ministry or whatever they're just trying to take out the Patriot missile battery. And they said the accuracy on the Russian missiles was about good enough to hit a five-story building. And they're

trying to hit something the size of a box truck. So it's just not working out. Do you think that if aliens showed up and every single country allied all, everything's water under the bridge bridge literally every country North Korea's on board China's on board US is on board everyone

do you think the earth has any shot in any scenario yes absolutely you think so I just mean like if they got there to us like we didn't reach out to them they're here and they're mad it depends what they want and how they want to do it.

If they want to just destroy us, then we lose. But if they want our planet unscathed, if their biology is similar enough to us that they can't use their death rays and ruin our planet because they want to live here, if they got to come down here and fight us, then we

win, depending on their numbers. If they sent one ship i've seen this scenario played out interestingly enough in one of those war graphics uh youtube channels and they played this thing out how generations of humans would be fighting the war against the first yeah and and they set it up so that like the ship took like 25 years to get here so even though the first war we might win or be winning, we're on that clock for the second wave. But I think if they invade and do it like that,

then yeah, we could fight quite a fight. Maybe. It would depend on the physiology. No, I don't know that song. He's like, what would it be like if we met aliens? You ever think about that? He's like, you never think about it? Would they just come down here and dominate us? Or would it be like if we met aliens you ever think about that he's like what you never think about it like would they would they just come down here and dominate us it would be like damn earth go hard maybe they would just say earth go hard but yeah it would

also depend on they would in that that scenario you talked about i bet they had a contingency where it's like they are of similar size to us biologically, and they have similar strength. If they pop here and they're like... Is that an error? Yeah. Let's say they're all a head shorter than us, but they're like dwarves from Lord of the Rings

strength and have thicker talons and fangs instead of... Then we'd be fucked. Isn't it all about weapon systems though like we have to assume we're losing any weapon system one-to-one matchup because they're already like kill them though right like if they're too tough to to hurt and man they have to be like humanoid what what if you shot one and he healed like a goddamn chameleon before your eyes right it'd be hard to to fight that iraqi style afghani style uh roadside you know what

would be terrorist fight you know it would be kind of like like like really make us feel good what if we're the like giant terrifying species and like aliens show up and they're like fuck these things are like a thousand i have weapons zygmar feet tall i got it i got they don't even have a word for weapon and yeah that's what i that we win that one i was thinking on a related note like what if their weapons system evolved in such a way that they weren't that good at us like they just made their idea of a weapon system was a really profound low-pitched sound and we're all like, and? That's interesting. We're solid! That's really obnoxious.

The fart people are here. They're gaseous. They're just gas in these little bubbles. The fart people are here. Guys, guys, guys, look out. They're going to try to blow us away again. Get in the vacuum! There's no scarcity in their world so they don't understand the need to lie so we just manipulate the Get in the vacuum! There's no scarcity in their world,

so they don't understand the need to lie, so we just manipulate the fuck out of them. Like, no, for sure! Three-body problem does that. It's real interesting. They're able to read minds, but they can't lie. So now we need to lie to them, even though they can read your mind,

and we need to, like... You need to lie in such a way that no one knows you're lying. Even you. And it gets pretty clever. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love those scenarios.

I, it would be, that's, that's been one of my things I've always wished is that, is that we would, we would meet aliens. I want to know what they look like or what they, what they are.

Even if I bet they'd be horrific looking. I was going to say that Taylor's like, wouldn't it be great if we were the big strong ones? And I was like, well, regardless, we're going to be the ones that conform to our beauty standards. Yes.

We will definitely think they're ugly. Almost for sure. Oh, there'll be a, there'll be a whole bunch of fetishists who are like, oh, those worm people turn me on. I've been waiting.

They've been jerking off to tentacle porn their whole lives. And the worm people show up. Oh, they're going to be all of Japan. is like the fang bangers in uh in true blood the chicks who want to bang vampires called fang bangers and uh you can see why they choose a a fanged man over a a non-fanged man they just have you you can give them immortality you can't get an erection though no no. It's like infinite stamina, and they fuck so fast, it's an actual blur. I don't think that'd be good.

That's how women like to be fucked. Right? They love it. You just totally ignore him, and you go super speed. Taylor, it makes it sound like Sonic the Hedgehog. He's collecting coins. No, like when he's charging, he's spinning him It makes a sound like Sonic the Hedgehog. No, like when he's charging.

It's spinning in place. That's Mario with the flowers. You hear like... When he comes, all the bells come out of the coins. Or the star. No, that's how women give sex advice the same way woody does it haircuts faster is better

point me at the tv quickly quick no but yeah they are uh generally they're very good looking, the vampires in True Blood. They're supposed to be super sex, super et sex. There's very little vampire lore that doesn't have them on one side. Either Nosferatu, very obviously ghoulish and scary, or they're actively more attractive than everyone around them. That's true.

Oh, there are some regular people vampire remember there was like an accountant there was that one chubby guy yeah yeah oh forever shit wait he became a vampire as a fat guy yeah he's all depressed forever now yeah yeah it was you know another one day there was a hot chick who became a vampire and she was a virgin. And then she lost her virginity as a vampire and it healed up her hymen. And she's like, every time I have sex for the rest of my eternal life, I'm going to break my hymen.

Like, this blows. Yeah. I mean, like, their big brother system for getting into the vampire world really shouldn't fill them in on that stuff. Like, baseline, there's no excuse for it. If you were to be vampirized,

you would put every ounce of your effort into being the perfect version of yourself at the point of a bite. Everyone who's smart would. Can you imagine committing to eternal life with a big gut? I would get as close as possible to Kyle's Tinder profile.

Like now you're dehydrated for all eternity. I'm always so thirsty. I'm so thirsty. This is a huge mistake. Yeah, that's what it's like being a vampire. You don't understand. I turned and I was dehydrated.

I don't even want the blood. I was right. You're so vascular. Look at your foot veins. Wow, they hurt though. Your foot veins ever hurt? No, never. My feet have always been vascular.

I feel like feet always have veins popping out. Because they're working hard. I can't see them for're working hard i can't see them for the hair you can't you got some your feet aren't aren't too hobbity your do you have how you have uh you have long hair on your toes yeah i shave them both i i run my like uh like like trimmer over my feet and my toes because they're fucking gross they don't grow like a ton of hair but it does there's like some hair there that's too much do you have to shave like your shoulders or anything like that the the small of my back

um there's like sporadic hair like there's there's 80 hairs back there total there's a little clan of hair yeah but they'll grow like kind of long and uh and so i like i run a trimmer back there too, but, uh, but no, I've just got like a strip of hair that goes like, I don't know, chest to,

to Dick, I guess. At some point I will probably have to like, as an older man, like keep an eye on shoulder hair, but I really don't have much now back hair. I have borderline. I think no back hair.

It's shocking how no back hair I have with the rest of my body, which is, that's pretty big, borderline i think no back hair it's shocking how no back hair i have with the rest of my body which is that's pretty a big win for now because like back hair is often unappealing there's that nair that nair for men would be so perfect for your shoulders because like the real drawback of that stuff is putting it on sensitive areas you got to be a chemist to make sure i'll put it on my scrotum and i'm like like panicking like counting like yeah i don't want to get a chemical burn you got it's like it's like cooking you don't want to burn the dish man it's like a it feels like i mean it's a chemical burn is what it is but it just

stings and aches and hurts for a freaking day i've burnt my asshole that's it that stuff's rough shit on your asshole oh I put it everywhere. Yeah, yeah. I get all smooth down there. Yeah. It says not to put it on your dick region. It says not to, yeah. But I'm not.

Why did I buy? What do you think I bought this for? Exactly. I'm going to splatter it on my armpits. That's like buying lube, and it's like, not for internal use. Fuck you. What am I, Grease and Gears? Yeah.

You know what this is for. Q-tips say that shit. Q-tips. Q-tips say not to insert. Fuck you, Johnson & Johnson. Fuck you. How many kids went deaf? Because you... Probably like two.

Clean electronics. That seems like... Yeah, I guess so. I don't like that sprayer stuff. You can use it to like clean out a bowl sometimes but that's oh wait is this a marijuana thing a marijuana thing to like stick it in the bottom and swoop out all the collected i'm like why would you not use a sponge the one with the scrubby side yeah but honestly i just use a toothpick for that i'm putting cereal in these bowls. Have you ever been punished by being forced to complete a task using a tool that is obviously meant to make the task last forever? For an example would be in the military, how you see those guys cleaning bathrooms with toothbrushes.

Yeah. Let me think. I'll tell mine real quick. It wasn't me, but it was my mother. My mother told me this story. And it wasn't even a punishment. It's just what my grandmother tasked her daughters to do. They're like, take those scissors and go outside and cut the grass.

You're like, what? Yeah, go outside with those scissors and cut the grass. She's like, we'd be out there for hours, out there cutting that grass with them scissors. I'm like, that's so petty. Why wouldn't she just... She's like, it's not even the worst. She did little things.

I remember I'd be asleep. It'd be one in the morning, and I'd hear her calling my name. I'd go in the living room. What, Mama? Change the channel on the TV for me. This was no remote control back then. My dad tells

that story of the same thing. He's like, all the time, your grandpa used to make me wake up in the middle of the night and go turn the dial on the TV because he didn't want to stand up because it was an old dial thing. That's some Sigma

shit right there. I thought getting coffee was cool. To wake her up out of her sleep and have her change the channel for you? My grandma did it to my mother too. That is rude. I wouldn't want to wait to have the channel change that long.

I have to have them stand there and be like, not this. Actually go back. There couldn't have been more than four channels though. Nowadays, you'd be there all not this. Actually, go back. There couldn't have been more than four channels though, so it's not like... Oh, that's true. Nowadays, you'd be there all day. Fuck it. No, back to ESPN too. Still a commercial? Give me Fox News again. I want to see what that guy says.

You know what? Let's just open the guide again. Everything that's streaming. We have 200,000 things we need to check out. Sorry, son. I got stoned before I called you in here, so it's going gonna be about half an hour before we pick out something there's nothing that makes picking something to watch take longer than getting really high before you open up a streaming service and then you're just like oh

that looks no there could be something better there could be something better right around the corner and then you just keep scrolling and it's all trash i add things to my watch later list all the time. Just try to prevent that. So I've got this stack of stuff I can fall back to that I want to watch. But lately I've been watching nothing but cheesy horror. Nothing but cheesy horror.

Cheesy horror is a great genre. Not even always cheesy. Just horror in general. I think it might be my favorite genre. There's so much of it. There's so much of it. And some of it's really fucking good and some of it is laughably bad. There's a show

called Channel Zero on Amazon. Have you watched that? I have, but I have no recollection of what it is. I'm not going to get into it, but it was just something I remember. I started watching a couple episodes and I'm like, I got to mention this to Kyle and Woody because they might enjoy it.

Do you want to talk about From a little bit? Because I think we covered this fucking bullshit. Just so we're clear, those of you listening, we talked about this a little bit on PKN. Links to the Patreon down below. Hang out this weekend. See you guys there. Jesus fucking Christ, the show.

We're all hate- hate watching at this point i think we might be kind of turned the corner maybe i'm not done yet i'm not done yet i'm coming back for more but i am starting to get the sense and i realize it happened quickly but i guess i was counting on last episode to finally answer something and it just they're spending so much time in rooms talking about nonsense or and asking new questions that it feels like they have no interest in spending time on the old questions like the bottles or the lighthouse or anything. So, yeah, I'm turning. I'm turning. I'm frustrated by the absolute incompetence of all the characters.

Everyone just ill-timed panic attacks are the name of the game in this show it these are monsters that can only walk i am telling you guys i'm not fast but if a monster can only walk i'm a video game fucking hero i i can defeat them with the baseball bat maybe or at the very least avoid injury and go from house to house i can defeat anyone in a fight if they can't catch me no i'll just switch sidewalks to the other side of the street like they're baffled by this move taylor nailed it like the three of us could solve this fucking show that that's how i rank my shows i need a show where you give me answers but i couldn't fix this if i were there we could fix this because first of all i know where the monsters live second of all i know they don't I need a show where you give me answers, but I couldn't fix this if I were there. We could fix this.

Because first of all, I know where the monsters live. Second of all, I know they don't like the sunlight. And third of all, I've got magic that works against them. Jesus Christ. We're going to go drag them out. We're going down there. Here's what we do. Go down there with a rope. We tie it around the motherfucker's leg.

Zoop. We got a monster. Everybody starts pulling now at the end of the rope. Drag this cocksucker upstairs and we put him in a circle of talismans doors like lock him into a cube of talisman doors and we interrogate him and we burn him as we interrogate

him with either the sunlight or fire. I don't care until there's nothing left. Burn him until he's gone. Like you tell me bullets don't hurt him? Okay. Put him on the pyre and burn him like a witch of olden times me bullets don't hurt him okay put him onto the pyre and burn him like a witch of of olden times we haven't seen a headshot yet we haven't seen a headshot yet we would repeat the process of dragging them out which start when the sun came up while they're all toughened out we drag we've only seen like 15 20 of those things tops we

drag every fucking one of them out and kill them like now there's no monsters they're pretty dangerous i'm a little worried about your plan because like when the priest died it was just one slash someone was like hey i need help they're all tuckered out okay so i'm all sleepy under there yeah but it depends if they wake up when you walk in or if they're like they stay they didn't they were. They were like walking around them and they were ridiculously sleepy. I would try the headshot first. Oh, yeah. I mean, cut the head off. What happens then?

See, this is the problem. You've got to answer these stupid fucking questions or I can't watch your goddamn show. If you don't cut one's head off and then he grows a new head, you show me that and I'll buy in. You can just rig up a bunch of pipes that has nothing in it and just believe that it has gas. The characters don't communicate with each other and that is just unforgivable

is what that is. They need to communicate with each other. They're all there stuck in the same sinking boat and they're not even working together to solve these problems. Husband and wives are barely talking to each other. Not talking to each other. How can this communication be such a breakdown?

They all have poorly timed panic attacks. Every time they get into trouble they sit down and get frightened. Oh my gosh. These monsters only walk. If you see a monster, just skip the other way or something. There's no stick-to-itiveness in that group. That big fat bitch is the worst. If you see a monster, just like skip the other way or something. And you'll be.

There's no stick-to-itiveness in that group. That big fat bitch is the worst. She'll be like, I'm in charge and I'm going to panic. And it's like, you're just upsetting people. The onboarding process is unbelievably horrible. Like, oh, new people came in. Let's like point guns at them and hold them on lockdown all night. Designed to create the most amount of panic and the least amount of trust yeah it freeze if you want to live like that kind of

right you have to come inside with me we only have 40 minutes to explain this two sentence thing here like so i'm gonna strong arm you into the the cafe instead. Every now and then there's a moment where someone actually speaks like a person and they're like, no, you don't understand. Dave and Mike were down by the river and they fell and got hurt. We've got to head there right now with Becky because she's got the medical kit. Do you have your knife, flashlight, and gun? All right, quick, let's go. Lock up before we do.

No one ever does that, right? No. Because that's what you'd actually do. Yeah. You'd like solve three problems, make sure they had no retort other than yes, sir. And you get the door locked behind you. Like there's no need for a conversation here.

The amount of pushback on good ideas where it'll be like, we need to do this. We need to gather this, bring it here and set this up. And that fat bitch will be like, you don't know where you are, do you? And it's like uh you're talking to someone who's been here for days if you have a look i love dope but the fact that they're always stoned is annoying the fuck out of me i'm gonna sober up for this shit boys like come on if you

have a talisman and you're inside then you're safe now it's been proven talismans work on structures as weak as tents tents a tent weighs two pounds i could walk with the fully assembled tent through the night and if things get rough red door on me fred flintstone it oh yeah you know those like poor people outfits from the 19-teens movies where they have suspenders and just a big barrel? You just have a barrel with a lid over the side. Everyone walks around in barrels all day. You just get down, and it's like, night time! Everybody goes, and they close off.

And they've all got a little talisman, and immediately the show's over. And it's a terrible show. Yeah, it was exciting until they did that fucking stupid barrel shit and now it seems like they really solved it. I don't see how they're going to get around this barrel movie. Exactly, that's what you need. In Rust, on some servers, there are these blue barrels that you can wear. You drag it on your character as their clothing item.

And when you crouch you now look like a barrel and there's a barrel just like that that exists as a static item in the game so people will do all kinds of silly shit with those they'll they'll crouch down and wear their barrel costume you can do that in um sea of thieves as well like you can you can hide hide as a barrel it's it's fun is it you can set all sorts of ambushes you can like barrel up next to the recycling machine and people be right next to you like watching them i don't know what the game mode is called but it was a couple call it go prop hunt that was the only fun thing i had i i enjoyed doing on that call of duty and basically like

one team is a people a bunch of guys with guns and the other team is like you are randomly assigned a static piece of decoration or furniture. It could be a cone. It could be a tire. It could be an ammo box. It could be a chair, a couch, anything, electrical box. And you get three switches throughout the game. And so like if you're the electrical box

and you are running away from a guy and you take a corner you can switch to something random and maybe you turn into a lamppost which is going to make it way harder or maybe you turn into a little ammo box and you just just sneak up against the wall and he runs around and and misses you that was that was so much fun like just being a tire and like trying to like angle yourself around things as they they would sneak up on you i don't want to play that again is there what is prop was prop on like a really popular game mode in some i bet there's a standalone game if you want to do that like we could probably find a game that just does that you could i would do minecraft oh my god speaking

of games i'm glad you brought that up so there's a golem game coming out have you seen the trailer or anything i have not a little bit like so the graphics are really good you play as golem uh you're sneaking about i think it's a stealth game but you know lots of lore and story there that's that's going to be probably canon but apparently the requirements for it are outrageous i saw that if you're playing in 4k uh you get like 42 frames with a 4090 what yeah that's what i play on it's 30 frames with a 4080 but again that isn't 4k right so i don't play in 4k well you might want to well you'll want to turn those settings down i guess if you get the i'm gonna play it for sure i don't know when it comes out i'll try is it single player to turn those settings down, I guess. I'm going to play it for sure. I don't know when it comes out.

I'll try. Is it single player? Like a Skyrim style adventure? Did you read the exact route? One of the worst reviewed games? Well, I would be interested in who the reviewers are. Well, I think they're upset about the... What happened to Gollum?

Yeah, that's what I've seen. Just Reddit memes be like, Mom, can we have Gollum? No, we have Gollum? Yeah, that's that. That's what I've seen. Just Reddit memes be like, mom, can we have Gollum? No, we have Gollum at home. Gollum at home. Oh, shit. That can't be Gollum. That's not what Gollum looks like.

I had seen. So it's like an early Gollum. Clearly, like he's not as far into his transformation as what they're going for. But it looked the graphics still don't look good to me. I saw the trailer, you know, weeks weeks ago and the trailer obviously looked cool the trailer looked cool to me oh it's grand that is grand that's fucking neat i bet the reddit uh there's a subreddit for uh for grand and uh but but moreover they kind of take over the lord of the rings uh is it the lord of the rings memes or just the straight up lord of the rings subreddit that just grand post all the time grand posting yeah dude i i will there's no way it

looks this terrible pre that's a pre-op development yeah like i will give this a go i'll watch a youtube video of it and see if it seems fun like does he have a bunch of is it skyrim ask where you have a bunch of different uh skills and stuff you can level up? Again, I don't know anything, but it looks to me like a stealth game where you're sneaking about more like Metal Gear Solid than anything. Because, you know, he's a skulking, sneaking guy, not really a combatant. He is a skulking, sneaking fellow. I bet you're Trixie and maybe and maybe like untie a knot and something

falls on somebody's head or something all right but that's about it one of the scariest uh feats in lord of the rings was when um i don't remember if it was mary or pippin but when he climbed that pyre to light the the beacons it was so fucking high yeah especially for a hobbit yeah when you stepped away last week i was telling taylor about our zip lining that that time and uh how that shit got wet and went super fast i haven't i uh i enjoyed that a lot that was fucking fun i hadn't thought about that in a while next time you buy a house make sure you get somewhere that has room for a zip line i it could be like blank check you could have a zipline right outside your your bedroom door

i used to have your car i've still got the cable the cable is the most expensive part it's it's pretty expensive cable and it's a long you can imagine there's a lot of it uh i think the cable itself was like eight thousand dollars they said whoa i did not see that coming okay a lot of fun they uh they stiffed that guy on all that they didn't pay him he came back um the people who produced the uh none yeah we told them we have guns no no i wouldn't do that uh it was um the controller medal of honor whoever whoever was doing the ad for Medal of Honor that year that was paying me, I got paid. But they were handling the installation of the zip line. And in my contract was, I get to keep the zip line.

It's part of my pay. And I was like, look, we're putting a zip line up, right? Like, yeah, I want to keep it. And they're like, huh, well, we use. And it was kind of a kerfuffle for a minute. And I was like, put it in the contract. I want to keep it and they're like huh well we we use and it was kind of a kerfuffle for a minute and i was like put in the contract i want to keep and they agree but then it turned out they know that never got to the zipline guy but like what were they going to do with the zip their video game company right am i crazy ah so to be clear the video game company paid a zipline

guy to come to the property and install a zipline, the, the little, uh, scaffolding you climb up to, uh, to attack,

to get on it, the whole thing. There's not a lot to it, but there is some stuff. Um, so you have to secure it pretty well, but yeah, they didn't pay that dude.

They didn't pay that dude. He came back and he's like, yeah, they didn't pay me. I'm like, well, they did pay me and they paid me in money and zip lines. Would a zip line cheer you up?

Would a zip? How about go for a little zip? That'll cheer you up. It always puts me in a nice little mood. Put a smile on your face. But it was kind of like a throw your hands up in the air kind of moment because I got paid in zip lines and I'm sure he went to them, probably got paid. I wish I was paid in zip lines and i'm sure he went to them probably got paid i wish i was paid in zip line i hope so you know probably small business owner

don't want to although i also have a feeling he up charges on that ten thousand dollar zip line installation right now well like something me and like jeremy could knock out in an afternoon if we had fifteen hundred dollars and a little help like like a tractor. Most important part, really, is that wire. Yeah, that cable. I've still got that spooled up. I was like, make sure we don't lose it. Was it on two piers, like telephone poles?

I'd have to go back to the video and look. I remember they might have put a telephone pole in the ground, or maybe it was secured to the scaffolding. I know you had to go up a bit of scaffolding to get on it. And then it was a tree at the bottom. It was attached to just a big tree at the bottom.

So you had to kind of let go, or you'd zip up into the tree. It wasn't like straight in the tree, but you'd still zip into the tree, because I like to hit that thing with some gusto. But I played with that thing for years after that. I would go out there and just fucking zip down to the bottom of the hill. It's fucking hilarious. You're like a child where you get to one end and you're like, huffing back until you can get faster.

We'd put a vehicle down there and we'd drive back and forth. Everybody would play on it for a little bit. Mostly, we would try to zip and hold it. So, the harness is lame, right? It's like fucking backpack in high school. Yeah. We didn't use the harness. We attach the harness and then you would wrap the harness around one of your

arms and then you'd go down shooting a gun. So we were trying to slide and shoot, which I don't think we did for the video. Cause it wasn't, it didn't look like I wasn't going to. And also like they're all amateur shooters. I'm not going to... You can't let X-Jaws slide down a zip line

with one hand shooting a gun. It just won't work out. But we would do it. But yeah, I didn't pay that guy. I felt real bad. I still do. Poor fella. Brought his wire and his joy and he got stiff. And that's a high quality photograph.

I don't even know who those people are. I'm sorry, Zach. Good on you. Will you please go back to that? I think that might be the Zipline people. Is that the Zipline installers? Is that a wire on their shirt? It looks like they have Zipline t-shirts. It's possible that's Jerry Baber.

What fucking year is this photo from? It's their link. Oh, that's the zipline people. Okay, this is the zipline people. These are the zipline people. Sorry, fellas. It's a 250 by 250 image. No, good on you. You literally found a picture of the guy we're talking about.

It's a 1992 digital camera. Yeah. That's like the beginning of them. And I, I had to like, I did. I saw you're almost standing like that, but that picture that looks like the same quality,

you know, that famous picture of Chris McCandless, that idiot who went out into the wilderness and tried to survive and die. Yeah. In Alaska, maybe in a bus. That's stupid retard. Yeah.

Yeah. I know that guy. Well, I know of that guy. I knew of that. Did you guys have to like read something about him in Alaska maybe? In a bus, that stupid retard. Yeah, I know that guy. I know of that guy. Did you guys have to read something about him in high school? I watched that movie. Did Leonardo DiCaprio play him? No. Different good looking young guy with blonde hair.

Maybe Cillian Murphy? Phoenix? Joaquin Phoenix? Joaquin Phoenix's next move is an NC-17 rated gay romance and they said he keeps pushing for more gay sex I'm not exaggerating I can't remember who his co-star is

but that's his next movie it's like how are you going to distribute an NC-17 gay sex movie with Joaquin Phoenix at Target callback it took me a second welcome to Target Joaquin Phoenix. Target. Callback. It took me a second. Welcome to Target.

What's a kink that's shamed too much? What do you think is a kink that's overly shamed? It's overly shamed. Furries was the first thing that came to mind. That's not shamed enough. Submissive dudes. What are the most shamed? Feet?

I think it's cross-dressing because i mean i remember when um like like not and it all gets muddy muddied up too as well because of trans stuff right but i bet there are some dudes who just want to be like dressed up like a little lady because it's embarrassing and they're like dang it i'm not cross-dresser i'm not a transvestite i'm not a transsexual i just like a little shame why do i get lumped in with those freaks like that guy exists out there somewhere i'm just trying to beat off in a dress in my own living room i'm j edgar hoover in it come on taylor tapped into something that i was stuck on like dude if your kink involves like consenting adults that do shit in private it is so okay it's fine fuzzies take not fuzzies furries take it public

um but like a submissive guys i rarely see people like loud and proud about how they like to be dominated by women in bed i think i think like not bothering anyone i'm down like look it's got to be a certain lady like aoc like always go back to her i'm i'll i'll fucking convert like like so whatever she wants me to be i don't know like those big scary eyes okay okay they just say i'm not big i didn't think that's where you're going there's something about someone who's clearly not stable and yet holds it together so well in the public world that you know when she gets home it's just unhinged she's just unhinged like she's just got to be so weird

i bet she's a real problem no wonder what she's like i I imagine her needing a huge support system at home. The whole world's lined up against her. I haven't heard of her doing much recently. But she's always hot when I see her. I saw her just yesterday mocking Lauren Boebert, or MGC, whichever one, was like, I had my third child because it was cheaper than the birth control. That was Lauren Boebert. And AOC is like, you voted it was cheaper than the birth control. That was Lauren Bovert. And AOC is like, you voted against the bill that made birth control cheaper.

You know what they should do? They should get involved in some foxy boxing. Hash that out. Lauren Bovert is a 36-year-old divorced grandmother. Hell yeah. Dude, I like speed runners. That's a great... grandmother. Hell yeah. Dude, I like speedrunners. Dude, having a great, great grandkid when you're 73.

You're watching. 73, my ass. 60. 60? Yeah. She just had her bastard of a grandchild. He's on the way any minute now. We're on 13, 14

years. That's it i was i was reading about uh man that the news sometimes can get so depressing i numbers stick out to me sometimes in stories more than the words but like i i remember i want to say a 10 year old um there's a controversy about a 10 year old and the abortion that was denied to her um and then if this i read that article and felt awful and then i saw an article about an 11 year old black boy who called the police because his mother was being beaten and they showed up and shot him shot the 11 year old boy the 11 year old and you know what happened he said mama why did they shoot me and he starts crying he's in the hospital right now.

They shot him in the ribs. He's got collapsed lung, fractured ribs, and I think it's maybe liver, spleen, something like that. They fucking shot the child. Look, every now and then they'll be in the hospital. In other news, he made his first million in 11. Fuck, yeah. You're one of Scott's tots, it turns out.

Yeah. Dude, if the police fuck with you, get that GoFundMe up quick. Be fast about it because people pour money into those. You know that's a thing. I can just imagine like I want to see that in a comedy, like a black comedy where they're all talking about their hardships and they're like, what about Jason? Fuck jason he never had to work for anything he got shot when he was 11 by that police fucking silver spoon in that fucker's mouth always showing off

his scar flashing money well he's he made it big with a viral tweet directing to go fund me from Chelsea Handler. No, the fucking, like, those lawsuits, those civil suits pay out. Sometimes, yeah. Do you ever watch Audit the Auditor or something like that? Audit the Auditor. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that?

So it's an attorney attorney a real qualified attorney and there is a community who call themselves auditors and basically they're kind of assholes to police and if the police respond inappropriately they sue them that's their deal and they might for example walk around the police parking lot filming the inside of the police cars yeah i guess that's legal right it's not protected or whatever but the police might come out and if you're like no i won't give you my name i am just doing public stuff you can't do anything to me you and they're just really uncooperative piece of shit fuck off sometimes you can get you can like bait a policeman into unlawfully detaining you unlawfullyfully arresting you, such. And you do have to

know what your rights are because I don't know them that well. I don't know when I'm obligated to give my name and when I'm not for sure. But if you do it right, you can win these unlawful detainment lawsuits and get paid. And the auditor tells us whether or not they're doing it right. So there's not a good channel that does this that I'm aware of. But I saw, and it's a whole video idea.

This could be a genre on YouTube. You're doing that antagonistic thing where you go to the cops, try to get them to arrest you. I've seen these guys. Some of these guys are so good at it, and you know the cops have been sued before or they know better than to fuck with them. He will talk shit, man. He will tear them down like it's rust.

What a great metaphor. You're fucking dismissed, piggy. Get out of here and go eat some donuts, fat soul. Whee! Whee! Whee! He fat so he's like sir sir don't don't call me sir pussy get the fuck out of here i told you you're dismissed your boss is dismissed too and you with bright eyes you can stay like he'll just shit on him and that but i saw one where that they he goes this far he's parked in the wrong place, according to them. He's holding his camera wrong. Cop hits his camera and breaks it, arrests him.

On the screen, it goes, cha-ching, 125,000. That's your whole video series. It's you antagonizing, and then I got to see that cha-ching at the end. That's what I'm waiting for. We want to see that spike in viewership. This was most rewatched. Oh, that cha-ching. That cha-ching. we want to see that spike in viewership like this was most re-watched oh that's a chain if that's a chain i want people it could be a job because it seems so easy to antagonize cops to beat

you according to the internet that if you worked at it like a job like you're out there every day every day and you're honing your craft right you're like a good comedian dude i got a tight five that is guaranteed to get my fucking face yeah like if you can make one of these dummies violate your rights on camera and maybe rough you up a little what are you afraid officer you won't kneel on me you won't do it just threatening them so kyle's probably seen this because we see the same clips a lot. He's an attorney. He's a black guy, a little bit chubby, and he's well-dressed in a suit.

And I want to say it's a cop who's demanding something, paperwork of some sort. And he's an attorney. He knows he's not entitled to give it over, not obligated to give it over. And he just, he asked him, he's like, all right, just to be clear, you're insisting that I hand you the forbidden paperwork and you want this to happen. Yeah, you have to give it to me. And he's like, so you're forcing me to give you this.

Are you sure you want to do this right now? And the guy's like, yeah, give it, give it. All right. Last time. Do I have any other option? Nope. Just like imagining court. He practically wrote an oral contract for him to violate,

and he got paid. Can you repeat that into the microphone? Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I like seeing, I really like, I like seeing both sides of it.

I guess I like seeing bad people get their comeuppance, but whenever the cops are pieces of shit, I saw one the other day, the guy is walking into the police department to file a complaint on a cop. The cop at the same time is parking his car and and and they know each other they've had this is the guy he's got the issue with and the cop's like hey there what are you doing he's like i'm here to file a complaint on you he's like oh are you and comes over and like choke slams him like like like no slow no slow down no no cursing and

pushing like high school hand on, choke slams the guy. And the guy's recording him while he does it. There's just this frame of a hand going, and the guy going, as his head is being thrown backwards. And the cop is like, I haven't seen this one. Did you find out the result of this? I need that. See see it's almost like sometimes like the reddit comments someone finds it yeah i need that whole narrative i need to know like who the good guys are and bad guys are don't just show me someone getting beaten up on a subway

i don't know if he deserved it or not yeah you need to know you need to eat the the run-up where you see someone shove over an elderly woman and then when his head is caved in savagely you're like well you know another fucking table in the making 95 year old woman in a nursing home nursing home calls the popo because she's got a knife okay picture like a little old white lady okay we're talking little old classic from the cartoons. Old lady. They tased that bitch. They tased her and put her in intensive care.

They've already, I don't know if they fired the cop, put him on leave or whatever, but she's getting, somebody's getting paid. Her grandkids or her grandkids are shot. Shot by the cops. Shot by the cops something like that shot by the cops tots i liked your first one shock tots the shocks oh that's good too

what the fuck yeah i i love that but the problem is the money you're gonna start trying it maybe beta coppinism no i don't think so um they what if they just beat you to death or do they kill you that's like getting a one of those medals posthumously it's like who fucking cares dude you like you go up to antagonize the cop and you immediately realize it's one of those like vegas hotel guys where he's like give me the papers on your knees hands on your head jump three times clap blink stop blinking he's gonna kill me like kill me. I flew too close to the sun here. Just hold your phone up to your dead face

and delete the video. I don't put that on there. I got a fucking 14-digit code. You don't have facial unlocking? No, I've told you before. Cops can hold that to your face and unlock your phone. You're right. Same with your fingerprint.

I don't put that shit on there. To your dead body, I assume. Yeah. Absolutely your dead body. I burn my fingerprints off with acid. Just to be sure. Sandpaper. Really? Noob amove. Mine are just filled with super glue all the time.

You just fill your hands. I'm always... I can't unlock my laptop anymore. It's fucking... Oh, I forgot. Last week, we were talking about fucking mustard gas and i i had a feeling i was wrong with what i was saying but i went i went full blast in there anyway it's not it's that it's it's let me find it i got because i found you saying it was bleach and urine i think last week oh i think i have ammonia from the I think, was what I was trying to say. I stand by that.

Last week we learned bleach is chlorine. Sure, but bleach and ammonia don't make... Mustard gas. Mustard gas. It makes a powerful and useful cleaning agent, right? Where's my fucking downloads? What does it make? Is it like a one-to-one ratio to get that cleaning

that's how you make your own diet pepsi at home you do that no it'll uh it'll kill you if you do that in a bathroom toxic gas called chloram all right bleach first plus ammonia makes chloramine gas bleach plus vinegar makes chlorine gas bleach plus rubbing alcohol makes chloroform and hydrogen peroxide plus vinegar makes parasitic acid parasitic acid i don't know how strong that is but google probably helped but none of those things are mustard acidic person and when i read about mustard gas they mentioned something about something sulfate or something like that apparently it's just a completely different chemical compound, and it causes blisters on contact. The gas we're talking about, this chloraline gas, it'll just

make you cough. I mean, it'll probably kill you and overwhelm you eventually. They put chloramine in your drinking water. Yeah, a little bit. You haven't seen those military videos of them literally pouring a gallon of bleach into their big reservoir of drinking water yeah and we did that on the um not a gallon but when we whitewater rafted down the grand canyon they just put bleach in the grand canyon water and everybody drank it but bleach gets like evaporated out of water pretty quickly which is why they mix bleach and ammonia and use chloramine to put it in your drinking water and it stays there a little better.

I don't know anything about that. I know because it's a real problem for people who put that drinking water in their fish tanks. So you have to put something else in there to break apart the chlorine and ammonia so that it can leave the water. It's a huge problem. All this fluoride and chlorine in our water is making

it tough on reef keepers. It's great for your fish's teeth though. Is it good for your fish's teeth, though. It's good for your fish's teeth. It is biting on corals. Yeah. I don't think I will ever be a reef. It makes the reefs gay. All right, I like that one.

It does make the reefs gay. No, reefs are the straightest hobby. Ask anyone. I'm into reefs. I still think a redneck reef would be more interesting to me because every now and then i go to the gators when i'm at the aquarium they have the fresh water section right and they have that one part that's just like a pond with catfish and brim and stuff in it and i always like that part it's all murky we're down on the bottom bubbling

around brim or you know it's a fish i don't know how to what elseim or it's a fish. I don't know what else to say. It's a little fish. I pictured an algae. Show us a brim. It's possible that it's some southern colloquialism that isn't even a real word, but brim. Is it like a perch or something?

You know what's interested me a little bit? Giant koi. I've been looking at people who have koi ponds, and the kois are like the size of a four-year-old. And I'm like, that's pretty fucking dope. That looks neat. I wonder what it takes to feed them. Those are expensive, like the real big ones, right?

Because some of them get very colorful. Yes. Dude, the whole aquarium world, like what costs a lot and what's cool don't seem directly correlated to me it's a brim that's a brim all right yeah i use those as bait sometimes they're like this koi's has like this color pattern is really attractive and this one that seems at least it's attractive to my untrained eye is cheap and that one's expensive and i don't see why they're what oh

those are blue oh it's just the bluegill yeah dude those are so fucking tasty you need to catch a big one for them to have enough meat but blue bluegill are fried up are better than catfish they're better than there's nothing better than fried bluegill taylor just my grandma lit up when we talked about seafood he was just like whoa like all i used to like my brothers when i was little like they would want to fish like especially my middle brother like just for fun like i would not fish at like one of the ponds unless i confirmed with my grandma like anything i catch you'll fry up for me right grandma and she's like yeah sure tyler anything you get i'll fry it for you and so i would like go and just like catch enough uh like i was always disappointed i'd be like because you i wanted the bluegill like and you

know they're smaller so you need a bunch of those to get enough and like i'd be almost disappointed but like fuck i got a giant fucking catfish i'll make sure my brothers eat that meat i'll i'll keep the bluegill meat for me but yeah oh i don't know you could eat those things they're delicious they're just not as big ones i like for it yeah the bigger they are the the more likely I'll keep the bluegill meat for me. I didn't know you could eat those things. They're delicious. They're just not as good as bluegill. The bigger they are, the more likely they are to taste a little fishy. They've been bottom feeders for too long. But they're still tasty. They're delicious.

It's super cool when those really hot chicks catch catfish with their bare hands. Noodling. Yeah. I didn't know that existed. you're not a really hot chick i wouldn't be interested in your video i don't think i would want to do that i don't think i'd want to do that man i don't like the i i think back to us playing in water just like what you see people noodle in that chocolate milk colored water that's like waist

deep and we used to fuck around there all the time and there'd be snakes and stuff and we just didn't give a shit but uh i'm not i guess i'm just really not up for getting bitten by a water moccasin these days that just seems like such a bad idea yeah dude and it's really not hard to catch catfish google image search on noodling just hot chicks all over the place i bet this hobby is not actually filled. Fuck yeah. Let's go, baby. Dude, that guy.

Zach's mocking me. He likes to move it. Move it. I want to see him thrust that fucking belly. Move it. Belly twerking. Yeah. Dude, I wonder.

Wow. Gloves. Who's that chick on the right? That's the one that caught the fish out of the screen. Our right. You say who is she oh i don't know um yeah i see a lot of hot chicks doing it i think it's also because like it's a big old dudes get the dudes want their girlfriends to hold the fish so the fish looks bigger i think it's a size comparison as much he's just using that hot chick as a banana is all right he just went he goes to

the nightclubs looking for the smallest girls possible oh yeah it's like you want to come home with me uh no but can you meet me tomorrow at like honestly 5 30 a.m i'm actually going home i'm not drinking i'm fishing you'll go noodling some of those fish look like they could take that girl on the left away she like She weighs like 85 pounds or something. Like the stuff that guy used to catch in River Monsters. Yeah. Catfish get absolutely gigantic. I don't think they stop growing.

I mean, eventually they must, but I think they get person-sized. I've just seen some that are hundreds of pounds, it seemed like, that look scary. Like you wouldn't want to face off with them. No. See, there a lot of i have a kink i can't stop scrolling these fish chicks yeah yeah some forced perspective and the fish is already dead too much of a coward to even allow a catfish that size to lay on you alive dude the cat the bone on the top of a catfish's head is, like, fucking prehistoric. Like, it is so hard and dense. Like, even small catfish, like, I've, like, fucked up getting it off a line before, and it thrashes. And, like, if that top of the head bone, like, smacks, like, the bony part of your wrist, it's like, fuck! Like, it's like someone just, like, wrapped me with a hammer real quick.

Because it's just, it's a catfish it's just solid there's no fat it's just muscle and then a really hard bone on the top of its head and the way you kill it is my grandpa would uh he would you could either just take a claw hammer and crush its skull and sometimes like it takes a couple swings with a claw hammer to really destroy it um and i remember like like being upset as a kid my yeah you would you'd be like tell me about it why did you start at the tail so like like if if this if my head's the catfish's you know head underneath here on the belly is like kind of a hard ridge of bone and like uh what a cartilage and stuff and so you can take them and like near the pond we had just a nail nailed into the tree and you slam it on there in that

area and the nail sticks in it gets hooked on the cartilage thing there and then you can use these special you need special like pliers to pull off cat uh fish skin more effectively because it's so tough then you just tear it down off of that. And I remember seeing them still flailing and wondering why my grandpa didn't kill them beforehand. Unfortunate. And he was like, it doesn't matter. They don't feel it. And I'm like, he's acting like he does.

He's acting like he's clearly panicked. Fucking Oscar goes to catfish number three you would not believe the amount of a fish you can get off a fish and have it still go everything you get the whole thing off it is it is a little stressing I would kill them always I've shot catfish before

it's like he's a big boy let's just shoot him let's just shoot him in the head with a 22 let's just make sure in the head with a 22 let's just make sure right like like what the alternative is an actual base like like the prescribed thing like when you look on fish boats they got a little club they got a little wooden club they're whomping those cocksuckers with you know they're tough they're pretty historic they're one of the oldest fish you said that right or are they one of the fish that's been around fucking a long time unevolved like a gator shark has to be way up there yeah

shark's the one everybody thinks of and then uh i'm just a basic bitch dinosaur spotter yeah everyone knows that one but i don't. We don't even know if dinosaurs are real. I saw some guy online saying he's not buying it. He thinks it's all made up. You just need to find what dinosaur is. It seems like they're really old flightless birds nowadays is kind of the theory. Am I on target with that? Yeah. It seems like they pivoted more to birds than lizards, which was a huge reduction in cool.

Yeah. There were dinosaurs for like hundred million years, though. So there are all sorts of different things, I guess you could say. Have you guys ever known anybody that fished with dynamite or anything like that? That had some cheat for fishing electricity? I've seen people use. I've never fished with anything but regular fishing pools. Yeah, the prescribed method.

Have you? Have you done dynamite fishing? I've thrown explosives into the water before. I don't know if it killed fish. I feel bad. I feel like I caught crab with cages and bait on a string.

Oh, yeah. I used to make catfish baskets. You can take chicken wire and it's pretty easy once you know how you know just you you uh you secure them together with just string you sort of sew it um in and out of the chicken wire and it's secured on either end when you pull the knot tight this chicken wire basket becomes whole and you kind of make an inward facing funnel and they go through the funnel but they can't turn around and go back out and we would catch slews of catfish

it was uh it was really effective i don't know it was once summer that's all i did just make those things and catch catfish we had uh we had them or throw them put them back so we had one of my dad's friends was getting rid of their pond they were gonna put a building there so the pond's getting drained and the whole landscape is getting changed and so i was catching all of the catfish out of their pond and then bring them to our pond and just little by little i caught them all with the you know traps wings told me how long catfish live without water and i doubted him but they live like eight hours or something and if you give them like a hint of water like a wet towel or mud they'll live overnight you know days yeah it's crazy i didn't know that i guess i know i've

seen those african ones and maybe frogs too that sort of do that i know the frogs live like under the muckety muck after it dries up and those mud holes over there i think the i think the catfish do that as well they kind of bury themselves in the mud. And on the surface, it'll be like charred mud, you know, where it crackles all up. But underneath is this wet, soggy layer that they're just existing in. It's a pretty hardy critter. Yeah. You can like almost see when they're under there, like the cracks moving a little bit. The quality of life is so much better than like every other fucking animal on the earth, but some more than can you imagine that that's your life like oh look it's the hot months let's live in the

mud for for until it rains again yeah what if it doesn't father then we all die nice and that's it you'll go first i bet blue blue whale would be a decent animal to live as i don't think anything fucks with them at all dolphin's pretty good yeah dolphin would be all right animal to live as. I don't think anything fucks with them at all. Dolphins pretty good. Yeah, dolphin would be all right. Yeah, boys then you got the pod. Orca, that'd be good. Yeah, orca is a good one because you're smart. You have buddies. Nobody's

messing with you. You get to fuck with seals. The dumbest things alive like it seems like a yeah, orca like you kill puppies for a living. Yeah yeah basically what orcas do they're like super smart and they're hunting these idiots if dogs lived longer though that's the that's the fucking move like a well-loved like a well-treated dog you know like loophole yeah but fucking fucking toby down there is just like snuggled up in my lap eating chicken bites i

ordered rotisserie chicken the other day and he got all the skin i love what dogs did like like dogs are like all right all right all right we are like a d-tier animal like we're not very good at surviving we're fucked let's make friends with the king of the world like the king of the solar system let's be their best friend now like if there's a dog and a lion in my yard i like that dog's chances you know why he's on my side i got guns i got i have explosives for fuck's sake like like that dog's gonna be fine if i get back at it i saw um i kind of similar situation i saw this thermal scope video the other day. This guy's lamb is being attacked by a coyote, and it's mauling the lamb.

It's trying to get its throat and drag it down. The guy's looking through his crosshairs of this thermal scope. You can see the body heat. It's like a hostage situation where they're turned wrong for a while, and he can't get a clean shot. But as soon as he does fucking coyote drop starts twitching all crazy and he goes there you go little buddy run free like he didn't say anything until that moment it was great because i'm watching it like oh is he gonna save the lamb and you're kind of afraid like man if this guy doesn't know what

he's doing he's gonna shoot them both you know and but but he waited till it was perfect it was great it's awesome video i guess thermals are cheaper than they once were i when when i was looking at thermals they were expensive they're not anymore i don't know i just see them a lot i i see it seems like maybe maybe there's some cheaper ones. I know there's one that goes on your cell phone that's like $250. Based on tech, I bet the level of thermals that you're accustomed to 10 years ago are cheap. And there's a new level that's the same price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how shit works.

I think I saw a video the other day where they're hog hunting with a minigun with thermals attached and whenever they would pull the trigger you imagine maybe i did even look i've shot a minigun and i imagined that there'd just be this beam of bullets into the pig but there was so much recoil from the mount that they just, it sort of just jiggled everywhere around it and had this field of death. Every time they'd open up with this thing, it was, it was pretty cool. Every now and then I'll like catch a clip of a gun video and be like,

all right, that's fucking cool. That's a good one. Like, like I shooting a, shooting a pig with a mini gun is pretty next level. Did you ever want to like try and cut down a tree with a minigun is pretty next level did you ever want to like try and cut down a tree with a gun i did he's done it with a shotgun different uh different

ways yeah i uh shot one down with a shotgun and then um i shot one down with a 50 cal and i had put explosives inside the hole in the tree so it was like and like a little tree falls and then go go and the whole tree and now all of a sudden i've cleared like a path almost uh that was on that um uh dragon 50 cal video there are a couple silly things in that video that that was the one where i thought i was shooting jugs of water but my dad had used had poured the water out and filled them with off-road diesel fuel and i couldn't tell because the jugs are tint, but my dad had poured the water out and filled them with off-road diesel fuel. I couldn't tell because the jugs are tinted blue. They're those office cooler jugs.

When I opened up on these jugs at point-blank range with the.50 caliber machine gun, they just exploded in my face with these huge fireballs. When you watch that part of the video, we were not expecting fireballs. Your dad just a little surprise for everyone. Well, he didn video i we were not expecting fireballs that was your dad just a little surprise for everyone well he didn't know we were gonna take you know those jugs have been sitting there for i would buy props and have them stacked for months at a time he was just like i

use those jugs for fuel i didn't know that you were someday gonna just pick them up take them off and shoot them with a fully automatic machine gun with explosive rounds you know because because why would i but it did happen yeah there were a few silly things on that one a bullet bounced back and hit me in the chest on that one um there's a part where we're shooting the uh concrete at long range and one of them literally came back and tumbled and like smacked my chest not very hard at all and then like fell on my lap in the middle of that video that's really cool so you just you just felt something on your chest and you look down there's just a bullet yeah yeah recovered like the whole the whole thing we were shooting this really hard concrete that

was stood up bad idea we're just shooting a flat concrete wall essentially but that gun is so cool it chews it the fuck up so it looked neat and one of the bullets just turned around and came literally straight back and hit me but now they didn't have enough power to do anything. No, I mean, the way I remember it, it barely even hurt. But yeah, it could have been worse, I guess. I've seen that video of the guy shooting steel, I think, with a.50 cal, and it comes straight back and knocks his headset off.

I've seen that, yeah. It's like, come on, dude. You almost ruined everybody's afternoon. Ooh. Especially his afternoon. Your own afternoon, everybody else is oh fuck i'm supposed to be at work he's like the friend's dead now at least we got it on video so we know like we can prove it one of that motorcycle ride and the guy drove off the cliff and got really hurt and they

had to medevac him out it was a good experience for me because it ruined everyone's afternoon. And now I was like, oh, whoa, whoa. So riding over your head doesn't just get you hurt. It ruins everyone's good time. They would much rather wait 15 seconds for me to go a little slower than five hours for me to get medevaced. It's polite to not get hurt. For sure. Yeah.

I don't know. I like a good scene. So how often do you get to see a helicopter? You know what I mean? I don't get to see them very much. I didn't actually see the helicopter. They took an ambulance to a place the helicopter could land. How many blimps exist in the world?

We're talking about Goodyear blimp style blimps. Big boys. How many in the world? Not nearly as much as there were before. I'm going with one. He says one. Just of Goodyear blimp. No. Goodyear-sized blimp.

What I mean is not something at a car dealership. Like a blimp that we'd all be like, yep, that's a blimp. 50. I imagine it's a weirdly low... No, there have to be more than that. He said one. He thinks there's only one blimp on the planet.

I know that's not right. Goodyear has the only one. And they wheel it around from stadium to stadium. Yeah. How many blimps exist on the planet, Zach? Oh, it's not 25. I say 25. I thought you had an insight into blimp.

I mean, I'm glad I have the highest number. I googled it. It's 25. He asked the question. I'm really suspicious. Who's to say how many blimps there are in the world? Let's do random trivia. Let's name the last 10 Stanley Cup winners.

I was doing that the other day. I was writing a... Actually, I'll keep it quiet. Can you name the last 10 salons? Are the Canes one of them? In the last 10 years, no. They last won in 2006. Against the Edmonton Oilers.

I remember that. Yeah. Kyle does too. Kyle was a huge oil head. I don't think that's even a name for huge oil head they call them the greasy the greasy gals yeah the greasy guys i uh i'm gonna i've been watching the braves a good bit this year um i i will not try to watch the falcons i'll never believe them they lost me as a fan forever when that super bowl thing happened they blew that lead like literally like i don't think you come back from that.

I think Atlanta fans need to own that more. And I think that the Patriots are class fucking acts for not throwing it in our eyes like acid on a fucking Middle Eastern sister who went out too late one night. Just, you are so kind to us by not rubbing that in our face every time that we're on a forum or a discord or something like that because that was such a humiliating once in a fucking hundred years kind of fuck up it's like patriots fans have won before yeah but no one's ever lost like that you remember the mad men scene where like don draper's like underling is in the elevator with him and he's like i just when i think about your life don i you could really do a lot of stuff better and don's like i don't think about you at all it's just like it's like that's exactly the

fan thing is like thank you new england for not making fun of us and like i'm glad that there's which one was that there's such a dynasty that that that they're like yeah just put it with the rest don't sweat it atlanta it happens to everybody i mean we do it to somebody every other year uh they're kind enough to be like that but at me and as an atlanta fan like that was like a traumatic moment in my life that's one of it's like 9-11 it was like my 9-11 not that 9-11 wasn't also my 9-11 but you know you know what i mean it was even worse than 9-11 it was 327 that was the score was it 27 or was it 26 28 i have in my head something like that it was

awful it was so bad and i i wish that they had that locker room speech that whatever belichick or brady said in there when they went into that locker room down 25 fucking points halftime super bowl what did they say what do they still have all of your families under the stadium just letting you know hit that second half. Did they do a black magic ritual in there with a big pentagram on the locker room floor and candles to will that? Did Lord Satan intercede on behalf of the New England Patriots? Perhaps.

They deflated the ball. They did. I heard that. What would have meant when we get the same deflated balls too? Or was they just deflated Tom's balls? I don't know. I need to talk basketball for a second. Taylor, in a series in basketball,

teams have gone up 3-0 to take the lead 142 times. How many times do you think the 0 team came back and won? In all of playoffs? yeah not just conference finals just basketball oh man reverse sweeps shit 142 tries 142 tries i'm gonna say more than you think

uh seven zero zero time what 142 30 leads and no one has ever come back there's never been a reverse sweep in the nba ever that's crazy yeah so the celtics went down to the heat 3-0 and now it's 3-2 and it's like maybe the first one yeah and the heat are like in the playoffs they're somehow amazing but they were a playing team i think they were an eight seed something like that a 10 seed It could be the first one. Yeah. And the Heat are like, in the playoffs, they're somehow amazing. But they were a playing team. I think they were an 8 seed, something like that, a 10 seed. They were lame. And in basketball, if you beat the number one team,

you inherit their week schedule. And the number one team lost their star player. So it was like, all right, they beat Milwaukee, but they didn't have their good player. And then they got an easier team. And now they're up against Boston. They're going to get beat Milwaukee, but they didn't have their good player. And then they got an easier team. And now they're up against Boston. They're going to get wrecked, but they win 3-0. And we'll see how this goes.

If there's going to be a reverse sweep, it would be a situation like this. A team that had an unusually low seed that had an unusually low path, easy path. That's so – I mean, I guess I'm not familiar with basketball at all, but it seems statistically unlikely that there would never be a reverse sweep ever like that doesn't happen often in hockey but it is not unheard of for a team to go up three to nothing and then lose the series for three probably hasn't happened in 10 years do you remember the greatest baseball one of all time in my opinion at least i know the sultan of swat is it going to be boston yankees oh my

god yeah they went down they went game zero games to three and i want to say the score was like then then they're down like in the game like five like what was the injury that caused kurt shilling's bloody sock surgery he had an open surgery. Is that what it was? I mean, they acted like he overcame a simultaneous brain and cardiac issue. Yeah, the way I remember it, he had surgery on his ankle, and he played anyway, and the incision was bleeding while he was playing. But that's not what I remember, because I think that was later on. I remember David Ortiz, I want to say hitting home runs like like

a pitch away from from losing the series a pitch away from being done and i i want to say ortiz started like going off and the whole team rallied they won that game and then they kept winning went to the series and won that and that i was caught up in all that. That was like 2000. I remember a short, fat, white, bald Yankees coach getting his ass kicked by like Pujols or something. I don't know. Some six foot five pitcher. Was it Manny Ramirez? I think Manny Ramirez grabbed him by the head and like judo, like redirected him like some Tai Chi. Pedro Martinez.

Pedro Martinez. Yes. Thank you. Oh, my God. That was so funny so funny what was it was that Don Zimmer it was somebody oh yeah that sounds right he charged this guy like I short really fat bald old man yes just dramatically not understanding the situation. Charged at a young, big, and it wasn't a big power pitcher at that. You know? And he got tossed. Yeah.

He grabs his head. That's closer than it was in my head. In my head, he came up to, like, his nipples. Yeah. He throws him here. Yep. There you go. Dumped him.

Dumped him. Baseball fights are hilarious. Are they they in boston there yeah they are they're in boston there too so you know it's a lot of yi auditing and yeah you know that pitcher in hindsight had a lot of class he he charged the mound to fight the pitcher the pitcher based on woody's rules was allowed to win that fight he could have broken his nose and been like what'd you want but instead he just redirected him to the ground made him that's the classy way to handle it you're right imagine coach has a heart attack never gets up like how's that go down uh i hear you i based on woody rules Pedro killed Don Zimmer that's everyone knows baseball is a dangerous, fast-paced athletic game,

and that's part of the risk that comes with being a part of this world. Death is quickly coming. Speaking of these super intense baseball fights, check out this clip of Jamie Benn almost paralyzing someone in a game. I don't know if we can show this. Oh, no, you can't show it. I just need to, you can tell from your face. This guy is the only reason I fucking hate the Dallas Stars.

Whoa. He is trying to behead Mark Stone there. I bet he didn't get a suspension. Oh, that's their captain, so I assume he's good. So they kicked him out for the game. He got a two-game suspension as well. Oh, did he? In addition to the game. So that happened early in the game. So they kicked him out for the game. He got a two-game suspension as well. Oh, did he? In addition to the game.

So that happened early in the game. So he was out that game. And a lot of analysts were saying, I was watching ESPN a ton today, but they're like, no, he won't get a suspension. This is the playoffs. We play a different kind of hockey here. Things are called different.

Things are viewed differently. And he went out early in that first game. So he kind of already got his game. They gave him two more. Good. Yeah. He's trying gave him two more. Good. Yeah. He's trying to kill that guy. Yeah.

And that dude, Mark Stone, has a history, like pretty much everyone in the NHL, of concussions. And so you don't want to have a guy like Jamie Benn, who's probably 6'4", a fit athlete, coming down on you. He's their captain, right? Jamie Benn is the captain of the Dallas Stars. Yeah, so not very captain-like. And Mark Stone is the captain of the Vegas Golden Knights.. So not very captain like, and Mark stone is the captain of the,

Oh, I didn't know they were both captains. Yeah. I believe he is. Yeah. The main captain. And so what does that mean? The captain is so in hockey,

you have a main captain. You can have two associate captains. The only rules about it is a goalie cannot be captain. And the captains are the only players who are allowed to address the referees about issues on the ice. And so if a player wants to rule or would a ref be like, you're not a captain. and the captains are the only players who are allowed to address the referees about issues on the ice. And so if a player wants to be like— Is that a soft rule, or would a ref be like, you're not a captain? Fuck off.

That depends on the ref. Like, a lot of refs will just ignore non-captains who talk to them. Because, like, what I'm talking about is, like, after the play. Like, in the middle of a play, a non-captain will be like, oh, fuck you. Or like, are you fucking kidding me? But afterward, when it's time for discussion, it would be Jamie Benn and Mark Stone. Is there negotiation? Or do they need to be like, hey, did you see this and that?

This happened like this. Like, what's going on when we're talking to the ref? It's politicking. Like, both teams are trying to make a scene a bit of like, they've got more power plays than us, and you just fucking hit us again with one. And then the ref will be like, well, then stop fucking tripping people, eh?

You know, you're fucking tripping people up and down the ice yeah and like it's trying to frame it and like because like sometimes coaches will come out i think rod brindamore did this this postseason where he was like the refs are fucking handing it to florida they're the dirtiest team and they barely have more penalties than us like sometimes if that's a liked coach refs will like kind of move in their directions other times if it's not a liked coach or the refs feel disrespected they will you know pay no heed to it ideally they pay no heed to it they should be just doing their own thing not being impacted by it but because everyone is impacted by it uh i don't i didn't see what the refs did but i did see that you know Florida

continued to get more penalties like it was it was just a it was a weird Brindamore comment because it was like you yeah they do get more penalties than you they play dirty they're a dirty team they play like the Blues in 2019 did dirty and that won the Blues Cup everybody talks about how the Blues were

fucking filthy animals on the 2019 run and now they bullied people and that the blues strategy was to make it so that by game six and seven they're too hurt and scared there's too many people hurt and too many people are rattled because our team was the biggest in like nhl history at the time and they just bullied really did that yeah and now now st louis didn't like that anymore now why don't they do more games my favorite thing whenever whenever i see that the coach or the players are mic'd up, I'm so much more interested. Yeah.

In hockey, I've noticed, what I've heard is the refs are seemingly always in the right. They're like, come on. I've been letting you gouge people for an hour and a half. Sir, you kicked him in the face. I'm only giving you kicked him in the face. I'm only giving you two minutes. Come on. He needed a good kick.

You're like, yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. But you kicked him twice, and you know the rules. They're always chill about it. In baseball, the ump will be in the wrong. They'll be clearly in the wrong. Sometimes they will call strikes and balls so egregiously incorrectly. And people will be like,

fuck, what are you doing? And they'll just be like, not going to negotiate with you. I don't talk to strikes and balls. You want to get kicked out of this game? Try it again. Oh, you want to talk to strikes and balls? Get out.

Get the fuck out. Oh, you didn't like that I threw him out? You get the fuck out too. It's's so nonchalant get the fuck out oh you get paid a million dollars again get the fuck out they lost that didn't they the fuck out think about it next time just kicking anybody and everybody the refs are always the other day the he goes you out of here because some shit had been going down yeah nobody knew and the guy starts walking like fuck all right it's like no no not you him you guys like me i was eating sunflower seeds it's the wrong assistant coach to kick out a guy who was literally it's like when that fucking uh nba player went into the crowd because someone

threw beer at him yeah and he waited that for that innocent dude yeah gotta change his name after that you did long fucking guy change his name to meta world peace yeah he beat the shit out of that dude yeah throws the wrong fucking coach out and like everybody's confused now even the other team is like him yeah but like nobody understands there's something wrong with baseball culture where they just never change their mind they never admit they're wrong there should be a like all right guys guys guys you know do you think i got this one wrong let's get the call right there you know um there's several different calls that are challenged and are challengeable um and they do some replay on

stuff um the one that's most common is whether the guy went all the way around with his bat or not, so that it's a swing versus a checked swing. And you'll often appeal to the first base umpire, at least on a right-handed batter, because he's the one who has the best look at it. He can see the barrel of the bat and whether it passes that plane or not. And sometimes the ump will be like, ah! And they'll be like, oh, no, let me see what he thinks. He's like, yep, nope, you're good, you're good.

And they'll look the other way because he got the best look sometimes like it's rare but in hockey like if there's multiple penalties being given out sometimes like players will try and skate back to the bench almost to like escape and the ref will like point at the bench and be like hey you like box or like whatever and the coach will like tell a player who is bad who is not the player that just got pointed out like stevens to the box and then the ref will like have to see this other guy coming to be like no no no no no no no not not you you fucking sitting on the bench bitch no him so they're like fuck he got me like it's the backup goalie yeah you can't pull a fast one he wasn't wearing all that shit is there any uh so there's this thing in football obviously where

let's say we just uh we're moving down the field we're on offense and we get a catch they call it a catch but it's a little fishy did he get his foot in did he have control or not he was going down we immediately get a playoff as fast as we can because you can't go back uh you know once another play has been yeah it's gone off we can't go back on the challenge is there any any of that in any other sport i wonder that's sort of just clearly gaming the rules because you'll see him do it like like one of the players i i've seen the receiver himself no he didn't catch that ball and he'll he'll like he'll there'll be a sign he'll go and everybody's like hurry up hurry up hurry up and they just quick and run fucking like a handoff real quick just whatever you do to like knock a play

play off to lock and stop the clock lock in that bullshit we just pulled off sports where they have like a hard stop of the clock in between plays it's probably harder to pull that yeah basketball has that hockey does too yeah yeah baseball does now i love that time that that clock in baseball watching people get fucked up with that i think it's like 17 seconds or something like that it has been an adjustment i'm glad that it was a change that made basket or baseball appealing to you again because i know that's your favorite sport and you've been frustrated to not be able to enjoy it because it's kind of so many things i saw a batter fuck with the pitcher over that so the

rule like i guess it's designed to speed up the picture of it is this the guy what was his name and the batter the video that i watch john boy jay so this guy is like setting up looking like he's ready to bat but low key he's got one foot outside the box so the pitcher's like starting to throw and the ref is like what no you can't throw before he's in the box and the pitcher's like what he's ready but he's not ready he's pretending to be ready and it the gamesmanship is that's just so baseball yeah there was a lot at the end of the game like they asked him in the post interview he's like apparently i don't know the rules but i learned a lot today because because he would do it he did it a couple times he'd do it when it when he was trying he's

icing him out you know he gets to decide when, when it's time, when the pitcher has to throw. And so many pitchers have these like ridiculous, like yips that they've programmed in a crazy, like twist to the left, twist to the right. Look up at my dad in the audience.

Thank mom. And throw us this. Hey, it's the Cardinals being sneaky. It was. Yeah. I think this is, I think Zach found exactly what we were talking about.

Say he's outside the box. That doesn't show. I like those uniforms. During this sequence, I think he was even more looking like he wanted to bat. And as soon as the pitcher began his sequence, it's a balk. Good grab on the pitcher. This is in the middle of what's happened. So clearly the pitcher is just about to deliver the pitch,

and the umps already called time because you can't. He started his motion. The batter's not ready. The batter's looking right at him. That's part of it too. You have to be looking at each other. They didn't have that at first. People just fucking slinging them as soon as they could for a minute.

You need to get rid of that rule. They bring that back. They fix that right away. They've got to look at each other to get this thing off. Another thing is they're always tinkering with the baseball without telling anyone um weight density and um and the shift is gone they used to move the whole fucking player you know these guys that pull hard left or right depending on what uh what the hitter was they'd shift the whole infield around and they money balled it to show like how much more

efficient that was and it was like 38 fewer hits with the shift on you know when you when you use it when you utilize that correctly legal defense it is you got it your infielders have to um they can't go into the outfield and just like that guy had one foot over the edge there to get to to make it like not in the box if your infielder steps in that fucking outfield like i saw an infielder with his heel just on the grass and they're like oh can't can't do that buddy and they got him i don't remember what the violation was what they did i think the wonder advanced yeah you know it seems like if they wanted to shift because baseball fields don't conform to a standard couldn't they just make the

grassy part shorter does that make sense you know they oh sure yeah i suppose so i don't i don't know what the regulation is on the the side i'd love to see so i could be wrong about that baseball stadiums change more often like you know what all our power hitters are lefties so let's bring in the left side of the arena a little bit so they can hit more home runs well the gm made a trade call the construction company and we'll take the right side yeah exactly we'll take the right side and we'll fucking make the stadium bigger over there since that's not where we hit home in the domes zach says they do in the domes a lot of the modern ones uh they've got the air conditioning in such a way that you can blow out when you're when your team's batting and then you turn that

bitch off when they're not that's great the the mlb notified the fucking milwaukee brewers that if they didn't repair their fucking stadium and get it up to MLB standards, they could look to what's happening in Oakland right now, which means Oakland's going to Vegas. They're gone. So I love that. So all you fans in Milwaukee, you're going to get a better stadium. It's pretty humiliating, Brewers. Pretty embarrassing.

What's going on in Kansas City, Taylor? When I think Kansas City, I think Wild West, Frontiersman Town, little gunslinging and whiskey on the bar, you know? Silver dollars being slapped on tables and wahoos as horses thunder

outside because all I know about Kansas City is its references in Wild West. But apparently nowadays it's some sort of a hell hole and a haven for for you know all sorts of evil and evil doers it's the second most dangerous city in the state st louis number one by uh no one's taking that from us in missouri uh but yeah it's funny because kansas city like I go there cause my brother lives there and like, it feels so much nicer and cleaner than St. Louis. And then you like go to nice cities and it's like, Oh, like this is much nicer than like the,

the homeless situation in St. Louis and Casey. But But no, Kansas City is a lot of barbecue, and everybody's obsessed with the Chiefs and the Royals, but they're all Blues fans, and so we're cool there. Until Kansas City might get their own hockey team. They've been on that list for a while. I just keep reading about something about the government there is always some sort of controversy and scandal. And then I also keep hearing about gang violence and machine guns and stuff in the streets shit well i'll text my

brother see if there's any any machine gun fire going down is he strapped with that beam he's strapped with that beam oh yeah if you're strapped you better have that beam yeah he's got to switch to match his shoes. Absolutely, he does. He's wearing the shoes you do. Air Force Ones, strapped up with his beam. No, if I'm going out there, you can put on the black Air Forces.

Or the And Ones, if you really want a styling profile. You think black Air Forces are intimidating? Do you remember that Nelly song, Air Force One? I get to stomping. That's the, my buddy Blake would roast me all the time. That's the other thing he did.

Where you heading, Kyle? Where you stomping off to? Are you stomping, Kyle? And he's like a white guy that can dance. So he'd fucking do that shit Nelly would do. Are you stomping, Kyle? Are you stomping off to me? Come on, get to stomping.

And I'm just like, God damn it, I just want friends. I just want friends to stop bullying me. Tell me what I can wear to not get made fun of. I just went barefoot at that point. Just leave me alone. Alright, check out our links down below. I've enjoyed this tremendously. Buy our

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