Painkiller Already - PKA 650: Taylor Rejoins The Church Of Kyle, Surviving Sam Hydes Fish Tank, Harry Potter Remake

Episode Date: June 3, 2023

pka 650 our guest was uh in italy or something had to cancel taylor this episode of pka brought to you by real dbg.com and of course lock and load we'll see if anyone shows up later but i enjoy our our chats we have producers scrambling in the background to see yeah it was gonna be gonna be slush puppy i think uh he's uh like traveling in italy and uh i think he had some contraband in his bag and the Italians didn't take too kindly to it that's the lie that I'm going with yeah twice

he's okay though takes more than that to take down an Australian yeah I mean and look I was ready to ambush him too like right here yeah yeah yeah yeah because I read this so you're probably aware like all the Push him to like, like right here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I read this. So you're probably aware, like, like all the allies I'll call them, especially there's a special name for this one group of allies. It's like the United States, Canada, New Zealand, Australia,

and great Britain. Like they're the, I don't know, the fantastic five or some shit, but they, they share things on a level that's a little bit higher than maybe Jeremy doesn't get cut in like they do. The way that our special forces communities work together, apparently it's become an issue

that the Australians are such fucking war criminals. We already knew that about them. They are such goddamn war criminals. I don't know know there was some statement america takes issue with that i'm surprised yeah um and it was actually like i read about this one guy in particular this uh this australian special forces commander or some shit who's got i don't know the victoria's cross and a bunch of other medals no he was executing uh prisoners just just capping them uh over there just apparently just killing people, executing prisoners, essentially,

people that were captured. He was just murdering them. And that's not the first time I've heard about the Australians just really massacring people in the Middle East. And look, I'm from the United States. We understand a little Middle Eastern massacre, okay? But Jesus, Australia. I mean, all I know about australian

warfare is that hilarious old meme war where they were defeated by emus the emus yeah the great emu war where what was it like casualties like a few thousand emus or something and then like a huge amount of ruined equipment from the Australians. And it was like conclusion, decisive emu victory. Yeah. Yeah. It turned out to read some of these on the side. Can I have the floor for a second? Yes,

please. Cause it's terrible. Some of the war crimes, a handcuffed farmer, the soldier had kicked off a cliff, a fall, which knocked out the man's teeth before he was subsequently shot dead. Next,

a captured Taliban fighter who was shot at least 10 times in the back before his prosthetic leg was taken as a trophy and later used by the troops as a drinking vessel. Finally, two murders, which were ordered or agreed to by Mr. Robert Smith to initiate or blood rookie

soldiers. Two murders. You know, it seems like the real crime here is they don't kill people from afar like we do. That's what makes it war. That's true. They got too close to doing ISIS stuff. Yeah, they crossed on over to the other side.

Australia doesn't have a big military, man. They don't have the bombs in the range we do. They have to intimidate by ferocity. There's nothing wrong with bombing a wedding so long as you do it from a helicopter or something. Barack Obama, 2011. They needed that.

They needed that. An Afghani wedding without at least two deaths is considered a boring affair. That's a Star Trek quote. I think it's something about Game of Thrones thrones carl draugr oh okay remember that was one of the dumbest fucking scenes in game of thrones i think it might also be a star trek quote i think there's something about a klingon uh fucking wedding or something and now how like it shouldn't be at least a death or two i mean come on is that a klingon thing as

well i don't know it feels like it it is. I don't have my data logs in front of me right now. We finished Picard. Dude, I loved the first half of the season three of Picard. Second half, I trudged through and fell asleep. Well, like I told you, those first four episodes

could be their own movie. It almost feels like that. Like a good four hour movie that feels fast paced. It almost feels like that. Like a good four-hour movie that feels fast-paced. It reminded me of Khan a little bit. They did a thing that I really like with space combat. While the Expanse did a really good job of showing this

of what it would probably actually be like. The way the ships are moving around with the machine guns and the missiles and the rail guns. Those three different kinds of armaments. Plus dealing with the machine guns and the missiles and the rail guns, those three different kinds of armaments, plus dealing with the speed of space and the travel time for the projectiles. That was really interesting. But I like when Star Trek treats it more like submarine combat,

where we're going very slow and creeping around, listening to each other, and like, oh, maybe if we tweak our sensors like this we'll hear their heartbeats oh let's reprogram the uh the torpedo for magnetic detection you know something like that always happens that's how con was too because i they never do a great job of putting starship starship combat and start uh on screen and making it look i don't know like it makes any fucking sense at all you say never Different shows do it well. Like Battlestar Galactica to me, maybe it didn't make sense to you. Oh, okay. I mean Star Trek.

Oh, okay. I follow now. Yeah, Battlestar Galactica is like the top gun of space fights, right? They really just get it right. Star Trek, I don't understand it half the time. Like sometimes we shoot them up and they're perfectly fine. Other times we shoot them up and they're,

it's the death nil to that thing. And it always seems like, I don't know, management office decisions. It's the Picard star Trek universe in particular is just, I don't know, like fortune 500 space exploration. It seemingly to me,

does that make sense? It's all corporate decision-making moralities. It's not swashbuckling. It's not Star Wars. There's no motocross in the Picard world or base jumping. Yeah, no. Well, it's the Star Trek world. I've said many times, I don't think those modern movies are fine,

but they're not exactly Star Trek. And it's fine not to like Star Trek. Everything's not for everybody. I think Space Nine has a little more. I like the philosophical, slow, sort of, we've got a problem here, we've got a conundrum, we've got to think our way through it. I love the quandaries.

Are we going to save this race of people by killing this one guy? There's one episode where Engineer's hurt. He's not going to make it. But the Doctor says, we could clone him and grow a new fucking heart for Tripp. And the clone won't even be awake. It won't even know. And they're like, fuck, that's a little deep, but alright, clone it.

Well, the clone wakes up. He's like, hi, I'm fucking Tripp, too. How's it going? And they're like, fuck, should we talk to it? And they do. And they like it. They love him, in fact. And then it comes down to the end, and they're like, hi, I'm fucking Tripp, too. How's it going? And they're like, oh, fuck, should we talk to it? And they do, and they like it. They love him, in fact. And then it comes down to the end, and they're like, all right, man, you're here for spare parts.

Are you familiar with Sophie's Choice? Yeah, with the kids in the toilet, yeah. I've not seen that. Yeah, the Nazi makes her choose between the children, right? Shit, I thought maybe I have Sophie's Choice wrong. I thought they grew one kid as a backup to the first. It would appear none of us know what Sophie's Choice is. I mean, I've never seen it.

I'm basing it off of... I think Family Guy or The Simpsons did a parody of it, so I'm basing my knowledge of Sophie's Choice on that because it's like a Meryl Streep movie or something, right? Dude, so much of my classic movie knowledge is like Simpsons. I thought what it was about was she was hiding her Jew children underneath a latrine and the Nazis

found them and they were like, you can keep one. And she had to choose one of them to lose. I thought that's what Sophie's Choice was about. You're probably right. It's a sad movie. I don't want to watch that. I don't watch just real downers like that. She had to choose one child being sent to the gas chamber. I don't know why I thought it was more similar to that.

But in the end, everyone survives. Yeah, I haven't seen it. I think the Simpsons or somebody like that parried it. No, in the end, everyone dies. Yeah, I know. I assumed that. They commit suicide together by taking cyanide. I'm looking at the...

That's the movie? Not as good of a way to go as you might think. Cyanide? Yeah. I thought that's like what the CIA gave the little tablets back in the day. I don't think they did that. I saw that guy at Nuremberg stand up and be like, this is a bunch of horse shit

and then pop his cyanide in front of everybody. Did you see that dude from Hungary, maybe in the last seven years? That might have been the guy I'm thinking of. Who stood up and he had this white beard and he took a shot of poison or something as he was yelling and he died. I'm just

thinking Hungary. Maybe it wasn't even. I think you're right 100%. I think that's what I'm picturing. There definitely was a Nuremberg guy who went back to his cell maybe and poisoned himself. I think that's real painful. I think it eats a Nuremberg guy who went back to his cell, maybe, and poisoned himself. Yeah, I think that's real painful. I think it eats away at your flesh. Remember the James Bond with Javier Bardeen?

When he pulled out that prosthetic jaw to show what the cyanide capsule had done to his face? I do remember that bit of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's a terrible way to go, then. It didn't even kill him i guess it depends what they're gonna do to you right like anything's better than torture especially like we've got you in syria forever torture they're like coming down the hallway and it's like prepare to have

cyanide placed in your mouth fuck like it's just like there's gonna be some raping and some some beatings and some finger you think you're not gonna get to have fingernails or toenails anymore no well i think i'm pretty sure we're evolving our way out of fingernails and toenails uh-huh i think that's like a go-to that's a bullshit nail oh evolving out of them as people you mean as people As people, yeah. I've got all of my nails. Do you not have all of your nails? I have all of them, but you can tell the nails on your pinky toes. Nothing's like structural.

Nothing is being added there. It's like vestigial. Yeah, my pinky toenail is, it's super tiny. It's cosmetic at best. I've had it like fall off before, I mean like whatever like if i don't clip mine to be stupidly short it might be two or three millimeters long

uh then it overhangs and it's not right yeah like you're not we're evolving out of them just like our toes are useless we used to be able to fucking grapple and sweat well they're used to what toes used to be and i guess kyle's a bit prehensile with his toes but i can absolutely pick things up off the ground and throw them to you with my toes i can do that if it's like if i got nothing but time like i suppose but like mostly just yeah you can scoop like i can get off the floor there's a great scene in um in the last suicide squad movie the good one where harley quinn does this she actually did it no it was it was it was a legitimately good movie um look at

the rotten tomatoes where harley quinn um she's like hanging upside down and does this whole thing where she unlocks her uh her cuffs with her feet or something like that uh but she actually she actually did that they didn't use any camera trick or anything. I wonder how long she was dangling there. That was a good movie. If you were going to watch a superhero movie, that's probably the one I would recommend. Suicide Squad? The second one? Yeah, the new Suicide Squad because it's not exactly the second one.

It's like a soft reboot. Yeah, fuck the Will Smith one. This is nothing like that. They were like, alright, we definitely want a black guy who can shoot, but fuck Will Smith so idris elba you're gonna be that other black guy who can shoot in the dc universe he's like actually there's like eight of us and they're like cool well if you don't work out we got somewhere to go so it's a good it's got john cena he's excellent in it and uh idris elba obviously and then there's like a rat girl who controls an army of rats.

There's a polka dot man whose mother infected him with an interdimensional virus that makes him covered up with these glowing polka dots. And he has to expel them every day or he'll die. And expelling them basically means he like blicks them through the air and they melt people apart, like in the most gruesome kind of way. It's a terrible time. And he's a complete loon you know because the suicide squad all got is from prison polka dot man sees his mother's

face on everyone they're like when's the last time you saw your mother he's goes every day and then you see from his point of view and everyone looks like his mother he's just real he's insane i gotta put that guy back in jail yeah and then there's a shark man there's a shark man who i'm not even kidding looks exactly like a street shark but he's voiced by sylvester stallone i don't know any other street sharks i'm having a street shark skateboard or does he uh inline skate no but he eats people he literally eats people and there's a part where they catch him trying to eat the rat girl early on and they're like all right promise we don't eat friends right

he's like no no eat friends he's like well how about yeah this is great i'm telling you this is a good fucking movie i'm not even joking around look helpful i mean someone's contract contact wardrobe what is with the dude with the t-shirt? Well, that's meant to be a joke. He had to pick some clothes up along the way. He had a rough night. Okay. So does the shark have any

powers other than... He's essentially bulletproof. He can kind of cover his face and just eat rains of bullets and then just pile drive into all the bad guys and rip them apart. He's kind of like his face and just eat rains of bullets and then just pile drive into all the bad guys and rip them apart. He's kind of like a Hulk type character. Based on this screenshot, I'm not

intrigued. I'm intrigued. I wrote it down. It's very, very... You'll be hooked in the first 10 minutes. If you don't like the first 10 minutes, just turn it off. Kyle, have you seen Ted Lasso? I tried to watch Ted Lassoso i do like that actor a little bit and i really like that the big blonde bitch who owns the football team is the uh the the the the shame shame nun from game of thrones that that big

gigantic nun lady she's hot in real life it turns out not in real life but outside the nun costume uh but i watched that first episode and he was so pathetic and sad when he everybody just shits on him all day and he's trying to be upbeat about it and he seems stupid but really he's just polite and he's just eating their shit and uh and then he gets he gets to his hotel room and calls home of course it's different time zone now and then his phone is call is so goddamn pathetic and sad. I was like, man, I'm looking for something a little more upbeat than this. It's a little rough, man.

I need somebody who's a winner. I can see it through that lens. I get it. But he's like stepping into a situation where other people are assholes and other people aren't winners. But he is. And he's going to use the power of positive thinking to turn shit around. At one point, this isn't a huge spoiler, but he puts a suggestion box in the locker room. For people who don't know this show at all,

he's an American football coach who's a winner in Division II level. He gets hired to run a European football club, which means soccer. He doesn't know the rules, but he's a people person. He's going to go there and do his best. His first day there, he's a people person.

He puts a suggestion box out, and he's like, wanker, asshole. And he's like, good thing he's anonymous. And it's like, you're a wanker who doesn't know shit.

Now, Royce signed this one. And then they they're like the showers don't have enough pressure and sure enough like two days they check out the showers and it's just like dribbling out he's like this shower needs its prostate checked and they go they increase the shower pressure and it i don't know for me i was like if i was and it's funny. The guy turns on the showers, and it fucking nearly removes his eyeballs. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, guy's getting shit done. And that's one of the ways that he starts winning over the locker room.

And I just... This guy is super nice. And like Kyle said, you could view him as a bit of a doormat, or you could see him as nearly bulletproof yeah he's but it's hurting him all day is what it felt like and and he's just sort of he's better than them he's a nicer person than them so he won't stoop to their level and they think he's stupid but really he's just a good man and then he gets again that phone call at the end to reveal that

man he nobody's got his back nobody's got this guy's back and i was just like man i don't need to dig out of these depths i like i'm looking for something happy if you guys if you guys were serial killers yeah what would your trophy be do i have to take a trophy because? You have to. It's part of being a serial killer. There are rules to this, Kyle. There really are. They all take some form of trophy that none of them don't.

Here's what I do. Here's what I do. I take their contact lenses. No, I can't do that. You don't know this about contacts they uh they will just disintegrate on their own like they won't be a trophy for long but i take i took my contacts out all right how about this how about this i just threw it in my in my bathroom

how about how about i only kill people who have prosthetic limbs and I keep those limbs. And as the cops start putting it together and they're like, he's only missing an arm. He's missing a left arm. And they're worried about what I'm building, which is silly, cause I'm just, I'm just piling them up. I'm just piling them up. What are you building?

Well, you got some strong suspicions about this farmer who all his scarecrow's are very expensive. Is he? That was not much of a Frankenstein. This guy's got two left feet. All the fucking residents of Baltimore with one, you know, a prosthetic left arm are, like, terrified at night. But that's when I pivot to sexy college chicks

and just leave all that behind. See, yours would be tough because you're, that's when i pivot to sexy college chicks and just leave all that tough because you're that's almost hard mode serial killing because very very quickly they're going to be like look for people with missing limbs because he clearly likes that second graders have that pattern recognition yeah that'd be hard mode and it's a well i mean i have all my limbs no no no we're saying that we're like it's gonna be tough because by the time this your second victim gets announced everyone with a prosthetic limb staying inside or being a hyper vigilant getting armed oh they won't be out running around like normal huh like if you wait outside the vfw for like like my first one i'm

outside the vfw waiting on one of those poor Iraq guys to come out all disappointed with his service, taking him out right away. But hey, buddy, it went poorly in there, huh? Yeah. Free college wasn't worth it, was it? You want to go get a drink with me? Next thing you know, gone. Right? Now I got a right arm.

You're hunting people already in a terrible spot in life then the next one i'm gonna look for one of those japanese chicks who like who has like a really expensive like left leg the ones that can sense warmth you are specific i wanna i i want some very i mean look you asked for this yeah i'm interested i feel like you're getting so specific you're like a serial killer who doesn't want to commit. We're like, yeah, I love killing. I'm going to start as soon as I find a coven of footless women. There's places you could go. Like I said, the VFW, I feel like would be a great place.

It's low-hanging fruit to say IHOP. Where else would you go to find people with artificial limbs? I will say this it's cheating paralympics that you're right because because they're all there up here just everywhere else is up you show up on the wrong day you see like like a bunch of down syndrome guys lining up for the 100 meter dash you're like they have to wait till next year for mine then i gotta pivot start taking those little out no the thing about serial killers is i don't feel like they i feel like most of them have an mo right they wouldn't like if jeffrey dahmer couldn't find a gay guy to kill he wasn't suddenly like i just gotta kill someone then yeah it's like no i'm i'm doubly wanting to

kill i find it interesting i find it interesting that they so rarely go outside their own race. You know, that black folks kill black folks and white folks kill white folks. Primarily. Now, Jeffrey Dahmer's a clear outlier there, but part of his thing was his sexual proclivity, and he liked those. Yeah, and it's probably... I think he was just looking for different flavors. Like, yeah, just where the serial killers probably tend to kill people who they're closest to no no i mean that might be true but but i think i i think that like serial killers in general like

stay within their race i think that's like a known thing yeah it's very rare for that's what i mean though it's like if there's a serial killer in downtown baltimore like wow it's like it's it's black people there so like it's a lot it's a lot more uh racially diverse there but i was reading something the other day that that at some point it was like 92 percent black in baltimore like holy shit how's that possible it's a lot maybe the 80s percentage jesus fuck christ woody did you watch the ultimate fighter episode one came out uh it's michael chandler versus connor mcgregor it's the only reason that anyone would ever watch that show is that what you're told line i was irritated when i found out they edited away chandler's response um that's been in promos like for weeks uh i don't know if that was part of it because the show it is so chock full of ad breaks and nonsense and here's the i watched most of it they spend so much fucking time with each

fighter like getting their backstory, like they're going to be Rocky Balboa. And this guy's like, everything's on the line. My family's counting on me. My pregnant wife needs me. My little son with his prosthetic hand and this, that, and the other. Knocked out in nine seconds.

And it's just like, shit, man, maybe don't pump these people up so much with a backstory if they're going to get smoked. Connor was like, ah, sh shucks it was like his fighter yeah it's fast i did read that someone was knocked out in nine seconds i didn't realize it was the ultimate fighter i was like yeah yeah yeah oh no it's the ultimate fire yeah there was an event last week but um man i can't watch that show it it's it's so it reminds me of the worst reality shows with all those fast cuts, lots of editing,

and the music that's trying to make. It's not that what's happening isn't interesting. They're picking teams. It's like fucking kickball rules. We're picking teams. But God damn it, I don't need all that music and those quick cuts and do-do-do-do-do. It's like, dude, rules. We're picking teams. But God damn it. I don't need all that music and those quick cuts. It's like, dude, it was either A or B. Don't act like B is such a fucking shock.

Speaking of reality shows, just last night I was scrolling around Hulu and I hadn't watched some retarded reality in a while. And there was this one suggested show called like, I don't remember the specific title like the princes of pain or something and it's like literally guys who's the whole show is they follow around bugs with the scariest

worst stings and then let themselves get stung by these bugs based around that yeah it's like a worse version of what Coyote Peterson used to do and it's like because they're like 40 minute episodes and it's exactly what you would think. Like the intro is like 15 minutes of them, like driving around talking about like, dude, this is going to hurt. And it's like, dude, I can't even imagine how much this is going to hurt.

And it's like, dude, what do you think is going to hurt the worst about it? And it's like, well, the thing you need to know about hurting is that it's going to hurt and it's like dude what do you think's going to hurt the worst about it and it's like well the thing you need to know about it hurting is that it's going to be bad like people go into this thinking it might not be that bad what you got to realize early on is it's going to be bad so like how bad do you think it'll be how do you overcome it dude i don't even want to you don't even get me started on how bad i think and it's like i'm watching it like like how much time can be taken talking? Like just speculating on the paint. And then there's like side little things where it's like,

this is the bullet ant and like showing like cool little things about it. But it's like, you know, I'd watch a better show about bugs if I wanted facts. And then of course it all just gets to like, and at the end of the day, it is a bug. Please remember this. And so like, it's not a snake where it goes, and then there's a bunch of blood coming out.

At the end of the day, it's a horrifying-looking bug that does a tiny little pinprick, and then you got guys going, ooh, ah, ooh, that's bad. Shoot, shoot, that's a bad one. That's a bad one. And it's just, like, zooming in, and they're like, you see that right there? Well, That's a bad one. That's a bad one. And it's just like zooming in. And they're like, you see that right there?

Well, you can't really see where it's stung. But you see it's kind of a little bit red right there. No, wait. No, it was over here is where it was. And it's like. No, it's the other hand. No, this hand. It's not impressive.

Like the look isn't impressive. And it's just the it's what the jackass guys talked about. I think it was Steve-O back in like jackass too, who said the ideal jackass stunt is something that looks enormously painful, but isn't. And the worst stunt is something that's enormously painful. That doesn't look painful. And that's what this bug show is like.

I get it's painful as shit, but watching someone get tricked, it's something of pain, maybe masters of pain. It's not princess of pain that's a better name uh yeah it's it's fucking retarded i watched one episode and you watch one you have a total understanding of where that series is there's a tv a reality tv show called tanked right and it's about uh this company that puts in fish tanks jackie got to watching it she watched all of it and there is so much fucking content there are fewer episodes of friends than there are of tanked this thing was on for the longest time and it is all the worst of the worst

reality show tropes the big big thing that irritates me are like the voiceover of urgency and the false urgency like the voice like oh my they're trying to tell you like i hope these two pieces of acrylic are watertight like don't you do this is this your fucking thing why are you hoping and praying that this holds water this is your old yeah i think i've and they put these like i'm sorry kyle the big big big thing that the whole show seems to revolve around is like you know we only have two weeks to get this done or what this is a running restaurant that's 13 years old what happens if you take two and a half weeks to put your tank in then then what what nothing nothing fucking nothing there's no reason

you're all stressing and screaming at each other and family squabbling and this and that and then you know there are the conversations that like the two leaders have with each other you know are we gonna get it out of time you better fucking hurry up you better let a fire under this guy this guy and there's jump cuts for every guy's talk so there's clearly two cameras like big ones sit on some guy's shoulder or tripods as they cameras like big ones sit on some guy's shoulder or tripods as they film this conversation which just makes it so inauthentic to me i can hardly tolerate it and then the last bit is a bit of fish nerdery where it's like what like they just put water in that and now they're putting like 397 inches of fish it's not cycled they're all

about to die they're all about to die there's no filtration it takes a little while for this thing to get established like i have a new tank coming and because of that new tank i have to like cycle these new rocks it's in a tub right now it's been in a tub for 31 days no 37 days so far and it'll be months old by the time i start this tank because that's what it actually takes um i've heard that it's like the pimp my ride but with fish tanks so that they're they're making things that are just for the just for the the 22 minute episode or whatever like that that's all any of this matters for and we've seen the the the the vehicles from pimp my ride like

afterwards how they just fall apart shit's glued on that's but there's fish that die though so i kind of feel bad i guess i would like to see here's what i would like to see if i was going to do an episode of that show i want to see an extreme lobster tank i want a fish restaurant with like the most like badass lobster tank ever i might care about that but otherwise you have to be a... It's a real niche audience, I would think, that cares about fish tankery. Yeah. Well, there's a huge audience that cares about Fishtank.live, the show which wrapped up Sam Hyde and Neptune show. Yeah. If you haven't seen highlights of that, I strongly recommend people check out the finale of it. It is very funny so so two thumbs yeah you show me some clips from that so that's uh that's sam hyde's like crazy um big brother style uh online

show he did they get to the end of this thing where he's been torturing these people psychologically and physically for a couple weeks and then he kind of he he tells them hey, you're not getting any money. Look at this contract you signed, idiot. And it kind of breaks everyone's spirit. And it's pretty wild to watch. Yeah. And then there's a twist after that. So I highly recommend at least watching the finale.

It's pretty fucking good. Yeah, it's super entertaining. I'm definitely going to watch season two. Apparently it did well enough that they're doing a season two in winter so it like it was one of those things like i would just check it every night for most of the duration of it like oh what are the fish up to and like see what fucking nonsense they were doing how would you do on that show taylor uh probably not well like the amount of psychic torture and how filthy the house is.

Psychic torture? Like the amount of text to speech harassment. Like Professor Xavier? Like you're trying to recover from a day of being tortured. And someone is continuing to play like school shooting and mariachi band sound effects as you're trying to sleep like it really is big brother mixed with abu grabe or uh like it's it's hilarious i saw this really funny twitter thread that was like someone joking around semi being like it's funny how many clear lessons they took from the stanford prison experiment abu grabe and all these things it It's like, you know, they made it uncomfortable. Like the,

the actual physical setup of it would be awful. It's so fucking disgusting in that house. And anytime they start cleaning it up, Sam comes upstairs and destroys it again. And then pays airsoft fatty to like shit and all the toilets and not flush. And it's just, I was so much fun. Aside from the pooping, which is easily solved,

this sounds like a typical Woody motel room. Like, oh, is there damaged furniture? How would I make it through the night? It's filthy. In what way is it filthy? Like, there's shit smeared in places.

There's piss. Everything's broken. They destroy all the furniture. They punch holes in the walls. Everything is shredded. It's not my house. It is baffling how badly the house was destroyed. The poo and pee is the only thing I can't just ignore. The poo is a big part of it.

It takes such little poo to upset me. In a place that I'm living it takes like borderline zero and the amount they had was zero and i remember i was watching like i remember watching multiple times like just sitting there looking at this hell house of horror and just looking around my nice clean home and being like i am so thankful i am here right now instead of there because it like it i was genuinely impressed by some of the contestants there's this chick letty uh who's just like a chick in early mid-20s who endured so much nonsense from like frank hassle from from the the sharks the fish tank operators and everything. She just kept

being entertaining. It would be... I do not have high hopes. No, she got second place. Sam still gave her $20,000. She wasn't supposed to win that much. Not having watched it very much, Sam coming in and destroying

his own kitchen, I'm not intimidated. If you want to kick the pads and push me around the room, I don't care. I would care. That would hurt my feelings. I put myself in that position at least 10 times. Not in real life, in my thoughts.

What would I do if Sam asked me to hold the pads and then just started dominating You can hold pads for Sam. You're big enough. That other guy's small and frail and he's never held pads for. I think it takes a real giant man to overpower us holding

like tied pads. Yeah. Maybe you're right. I was picturing myself getting pushed around just like that guy. And I'm like, do I sweep the foot as he goes for a kick? No, no.

You pull the pad out of the way, let him kick the wall is what you do. I like that better. That shit's down. What's wrong, Sam? What happened? I can't beat up Sam Hyde, right? So if I get my one lick in, do I call that a moral victory? Because you know what follows that wall let sam

kick that wall now he's all crippled and i hope he attacks me because you think 30 grand prize money uh this lawsuit's gonna do better than that sam why don't you attack me right here on camera in front of everyone sam why don't you attack me you big goof did you kick the wall sam look at that well look at that you goof why don't you hobble on over here and see we're gonna actually fucking attack you like you could there were very funny times like where the real like sam like showrunner came out during the show because he would like that guy who took all the kicks like john the guy with the speech impediment he like encouraged john and letty to like fuck

with each other and like create content and harass each other and everything and like would say like everything's allowed you can destroy each other's belongings you're allowed to like go in each other's bags and take stuff and tear their clothes and destroy their stuff and shoot muster all over their shirt like you can destroy any other stuff and that was an understood thing and john being that would go well. Yeah. Somebody out so fast. Dude,

I'm telling you, it's not, it's if you haven't watched it, it would not be easy. I don't mind poop. They're like, we pooped in your bag. And now, and now,

and now Frank Castle is in your room shirtless, like wearing it, wearing, wearing poop. Frank Castle's in there and he's wearing your CPAP. wearing it wearing wearing poop no like frank hassell's in there and he's wearing your c-pad and shit on his own secret on how to get under my skin this girl letty is canadian and it's an american show and so she has a passport there. And this guy, John, runs in there and steals her passport and is like running around, like threatening, like, I'm going to rip your passport. I'm ripping your fucking passport.

And like Sam comes because it's like you can't have someone on his show having their passport destroyed, like on it and trapped in the country. And so he barrels up in like real anger modes like john do not rip that passport don't rip then he said john's running away from sam in the garage and sam is sprinting over piles of garbage to catch him and he grabs the passport from he's like john fucking idiot and like throws a drawer as hard as he can at the wall the garage angrily throwing garbage around like fuck john, John! You can't rip off people's fucking passports! Like, actually getting furious. It was, there were so

many fucking funny moments throughout it. I can't tell, you said actually furious? Yes. Legitimately furious. He cannot have one contestant destroying another contestant's passport. Like, trapping him in the country. I'm telling you though, I can't tell if he's serious or not. No, you're not afraid. Because I'm there to, I'm there to, because of the scenario, this'm telling you though, I can't tell what's serious or not. No, you're not afraid. Because I'm there to,

because of the scenario, this exact scenario in particular, right? Because I'm terrified of Sam Hyde. He's a gigantic, scary man. He'll kill me in his bare hands. You're not supposed to be scary. What I'm scared of though, the reason I wouldn't be scared

in that scenario though, I'm here to suffer for a few tens of thousands of dollars. So if you give me a scenario right now where that big dude just beats me up and I get, call it $100,000, I like that even better. I'd love to go home right now

with a concussion and a $100,000 check, Sam. So beat me up in front of everyone. I'm not afraid of that. The problem would be, I bet there's not a lot of sleep happening. And I need some sleep and I need some sleep. Like I need some sleep. And,

and that weighs on you like every day, if you're just getting four or five hours or that like sporadic, a couple of hours throughout the day kind of thing that could have a real mental toll that adds up cumulatively. Just sound effects and text to speech all night. I forgot that you are so quickly going to be in a bad mood. Maybe I didn't explain it right. The point is not Sam Hyde is not scaring people

like I'm going to beat you up. It is made to be uncomfortable in there. The whole nature of moving their beds all the time, disrupting their sleep, loud noises, controlling the lights lights people paying to have the temperature turned down to freezing or as hot as the house goes like just things like it's made to be uncomfortable

like there's no threat that you're going to be beat up or attacked and then just like there's a little threat in there no no the way he yelled at the guy around the passport and threw things at the wall. At the wall, not at him. You can't tell me there's no threat.

I would have said... I mean, it's a show. I would have said, am I off the show if I tear it up? What happens if I tear it up? What happens if I burn it right now? What happens? I'd want to know. He has to tell me what the rules are.

Kyle, you don't understand. You are thinking at a higher level than this gentleman who was running around with the passport. Oh, that's fair to say the group of people that he put in there were specifically chosen to try and be combat like if it were it would be infinitely easier to hang

out in the house with you two guys than like a bunch of people you don't know and you have Frank Castle coming in taking all your stuff and making messes you got Airsoft Fatty coming in. Shit everywhere. He's being gross.

He's spitting on people. He's getting turned down by a prostitute. If the three of us were on that show and then we were in that environment, I think it would be a little like I imagine boot camp. I think part of boot camp is to put you in a really suffering, difficult environment where bond with the other guys and like you're like man this fucking sucks doesn't it like this is hard is we're gonna have to pull through and pull together and get through this uh but that of course is not what these guys do hey who's that subhuman in the top left corner that's airsoft fatty jesus christ dude he was that dude is a content factory. Oh, yeah?

He is. I would sometimes check in on the stream. He's enormously fat, and so you assume he would be the most low-energy person of all time. Yeah, they shaved his head into a Friar Talk thing. Yeah, I see that. I would pop in randomly. Sometimes it would be like, oh, it's like 10 a.m. I wonder if any of the fish are awake. randomly sometimes be like oh it's like 10 a.m i wonder if any of the fish are awake and everyone's asleep except for that dude who's like always like making himself an enormous meal

and like singing so loudly that it's funny because you can like go to the kitchen cam and like hear him booming how loud he is and then you can go up to the cameras of the other people trying to sleep and this side this guy's just booming voice is so fucking loud across the whole house it was it was hilarious very very funny stuff like not knowing what was coming next uh you'd think that they would struggle much more with like the zoo effect of people not doing anything for enormous uh periods of time but they did a good job uh keeping people engaged with activities and challenges and stuff um there was also like i enjoyed the the very sam hyde aspect of like

the points kind of being uh whose line is it anyway where it'd be sometimes like all right here's the competition and then it'd be like all right uh you know letty you won but i don't i'm you're not getting the point i'm sorry like did those fish bucks ever materialize yes yeah he gave everybody the money for their fish bucks after telling them they would not be getting any money for their fish bucks uh the will the willy wonka end to it was was hysterical his willy wonka and very very funny stuff so check out the highlights of Fish Tank and look out for season two. I thought it was very entertaining.

Yeah, you like... I think Sam Hyde is your favorite style of humor right now. I bet if you could think one guy to make... Yeah, well, Opie and Anthony was kind of a new guy for a while. For sure.

I put myself in the position of the victims too much i i you know it's funny i watch cringy stuff and i you told me that you empathize with the cringe you can hardly like get it and at times i'm totally comfortable with watching the cringiest stuff it doesn't bother me in the slightest, but somehow the like borderline bully stuff, I'm always like, ah, how would I fucking handle that situation? I can't beat up Sam. Hide.

Here's this part. Like, what am I going to do? This, this isn't funny. This is mean. And, and

he's like a Simpsons character. I can hear like Reverend love joy saying that. That's not funny. It's mean yeah but i think i'm like the kind of rube that you know part of what makes it work yeah see so like one of the final challenges was who can make airsoft fatty move around in the circle in uh whipped cream the longest the longest the most rotations in the rotations. And it didn't end up mattering. Because, like, all of it... Like, the last four days,

they locked them all in a room, and Sam was like, alright, the final points competition. The first one to 48. And so, it was the first one to 48 points. So they just came up with a bunch of horse shit games to keep them occupied. Because, obviously, in the end, it didn't matter.

Like, they already knew Josie was going to win and that Letty was going to get second place yeah I think if I were just some crazy person who just was fans of all these I'd be so into it I'd want to like go right I'll stay on the watching side I think

like I think if I were one of them I would just a random person I would absolutely want to take part in, just a random person, I would absolutely want to take part in something like this. Growing up, I was really, and even now to some extent, I was really into game shows and the idea, I always thought

I could win the game show, like watching. There was this one game show on Nickelodeon with kids called something Temple. Legends of the Hidden Temple. Yeah, Legends of the Hidden Temple. And I remember I would always be god these kids suck i'm so much better than any kid on fucking legends of the hidden temple i'd get to the end and man it's been so long ago i was a kid but i remember the way i remember the prizes being they basically gave you like an extra christmas that year they just piled up a bunch of toys and cool shit and uh you know sponsors of course yeah but so i would definitely be in

the sam hyde thing the idea how does he choose people it looks like everybody had to submit a video application for it and then he picked people that he thought would be unique and interesting one of the the first guy the this asian guy simmons they had in the beginning was they found out like he had written some book back when he was a camp counselor that was about how to hook up with campers i remember and uh and sam apparently that was so over the line like like the clip is sam just being like all right get the get the hell out you're you gone. You're not here. Get out. And so then he went out and found a different,

funnier, more wholesome Asian guy that was about the same height and brought him in. Just switched into a different Asian guy. All right, we're going to give you all of that other guy's points, okay? And we're just not... Can I...

Just call him the other guy's name? That should have been the bit. So a pedophile made his way through the selection process, allegedly. Yeah, it took the chat, I suppose, all the audience online to parse that out and get him out of the house. Very entertaining stuff. Pedophiles everywhere. Pedophiles everywhere. They love reality shows.

You've got to keep an eye out. I'm always hearing about new busts every week there's another 250 uh pedophiles found in a you know some sort of catfishing net in europe and then today i heard a disney employee was among seven or eight others who were who were caught in florida so many pedophiles you think we're close to catching them all pokemon style no not at all no i i think it's like uh trying to catch like fans of a tv show or something i think the wind look i think there's a lot of pedophiles um i think there's lots and lots of the wind's incredibly easy you just go inside okay then it's harder than catching the wind it's much harder like remember in uh uh nobody cares

about that um i don't know if you guys i paid attention to hbo's mutation into max uh last week i can't keep up with hbo's mutations whatever there's been hbo hbo go hbo now and now hbo now and now now it's just Max HBO soon so they completely rebranded they completely rebranded they put all the Discovery Plus stuff on there I didn't want any of that

shit at this point there's more Discovery television shows on HBO than there are HBO shows all of the trash TVs on there and the deadliest cat shit and all the Naked and Afraid and Naked and Lonely and the Naked and Horny. There's like eight naked shows. One of them is just people

fucking. Did you say Naked and Horny because that works? Yeah. There is one. There's one where there's a dating show where it's just Naked and Single. I'm so scared and I'm so hard. They just have two attractive naked people how many do they censor it yeah they don't have to you can go on my watch list and see that i watched

eight seconds of that show saw the blurred out titties and turned it off um but yeah max is awful um the description on a lot of the shows just completely blows the plot because they use AI. Is it not the same thing as HBO, just re-scanned? No, it's a whole lot more content. Some content left, content came over, and then they brought all the Discovery catalog, and then they changed the interface a little bit. I don't know if it's doing it right now, but a couple days ago when I was going

you know, you've got columns and rows and Going down through them. It was such that whatever your cursor was on You could only see the top 20% of it of the card of like the title card so you had to You had to sort of like go down to that row and then slide to the right until you saw the top of a card you were interested in and then go to the row below that so that now the top the top 20 is now 100 it was absurd i was like how do i find anything this is awful i don't know if they fixed that but the main thing that i noticed was the hbo name is is is such a big thing to me i think it's it's like

mercedes or or coca-cola it's this premier brand in my mind and and and those three letters mean something the idea that they would just switch over to max i thought at first i was like i don't have cinemax i thought it was fucking cinemax. I didn't know what it was because they don't... Because it just mutated from the HBO tab to the Max tab without having to do anything. I would be shocked if this goes their way

financially. I'm tech savvy enough to find my way through a fucking app, but I know there are people who aren't. I'm sure there are people who are very confused by this. I haven't even looked around max then i guess didn't know i don't have any interest in watching the discovery show channel you don't like any of that reality like there's one called uh i think australian opal miners oh they're they're mining for opal and and they are it's like outback opal not even interesting precious uh jewel for opal and it's like outback opal. Not even an interesting precious jewel, an opal, some horse shit.

No, that's that rainbow-y looking like big quartz-y thing. No, I want to watch fucking blood diamond mining, something intense. Oh, I'm glad you linked that thing about Biden. Did you all see him fucking fall today? Yeah. Goodness. President Biden was at a commencement of some kind. Military?

Air Force Academy? Yeah, that's it. I think they were graduating. And he finished his speech, and it appeared to me that he stepped away from his podium. Maybe there was like a four to six six inch little step they didn't account for and he ate shit all right that that how old is he like 70 80 80 i think yeah 81 maybe i don't know so he had his oh i'm sorry say more just like you know 80 year octogenarians taking falls in general you know i was looking at the reddit comments and there were so many i was on the i

was on the conservative subreddit by the way so so i wanted to see what those guys had to say i thought they'd be poking fun but everybody in the comments was like my grandma was 75 and fell off the couch she was sleeping on the couch and rolled off broke her hip never was right again can happen to anyone this is his second fall this year here it is here it is so i didn't see anything on the floor to make him trip i think the podium is on top of another platform oh i think you actually i take it back now i'm on kyle's team with that and that poor soldier just had his moment he is going to point when he got when he gets up, he points back at something, but we all know, anytime you fall in public, when you step away,

you look back and point and shake your head like, ha ha! Who put that invisible tripwire there? Yeah, that fire hydrant just got there. You just pretend like there's a Vietnam-style tripwire there that the other people can't see. Zach says there's nothing there in the other angle. Maybe I saw the other angle.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt Here's what I know I know that he had his physical done And of course the physicals are always like The president is in great shape They said that about Trump too But they did say that he had a really stiff gait Because he broke his foot

Playing with his German Shepherd Scout Hunter? No no What the fuck was his dog same name as his son yeah probably not uh i forget anyway playing with his german shepherd he broke his foot and now his foot's still fucked up and he has a stiff gait from it and yeah that's what it is to me that just seems tied in it's almost like one of his feet gave out. I think it's that he's 80. If I told you that Clint Eastwood had a stiff gait because he fell off a horse in the 70s,

you'd laugh me out of the room. No, no, no. It happened a few months ago. Oh, recently. Yeah, yeah. No, he was president when it happened. Yeah. Clint Eastwood gets around better than Biden.

I like how this lady just makes a decision like, I can't add anything and then she just is like about face yeah on one hand like if it was a younger guy it'd be no big deal i was talking to jackie about this um if this was w no one would give a shit or when w's father threw up on like the japanese pm japanese pm yeah yeah uh everyone knew like yeah it was food poisoning it doesn't mean that he's like dying or anything like that he's just wait biden biden's The Japanese PM. Everyone knew, yeah, it was food poisoning. It doesn't mean that he's dying or anything like that.

Biden's fallen three times now. He also fell going down the stairs on Air Force One. That's true. Is the other one the bicycle one? The bicycle. Apparently, there was a dog incident. Zach, can you fact check me on that? Did he break his foot with the flame of his German Shepard?

Holy shit. Wait a minute now. In combination, this is a fragile guy. And the thing about 80-year-olds falling, even though he got up quickly and looked okay-ish, somehow falls just, they hit different. You can see his bulletproof vest under his jacket. I wonder if he's got the coolest bulletproof vest that can be made.

He's got some sort of technology that would be way too expensive to mass produce, but you can make one for the president because it's the president. Sure. You can make anything. He's got like 15 or 20 of those limos that they call the beast. The beast, yeah. Yeah. I saw the blown out schematic of that thing, and it was very, very cool.

Yeah. You ever see the door, how thick it is? It's a little overkill, maybe too much. I remember Obama in particular, he was like holding the door by the door, and the door is as thick as a man, like a man's torso. You could crawl inside of that door if it weren't full of armor. So it's in there. Yeah, of yeah some kind there's something in there i don't know how much i bet trump was like we could lose some of that armor we can keep a whole bucket of kfc in here i mean that's got to be such a bummer to go from riding around in that thing back to regular rich

dude no i disagree i i think the white house everything i've ever heard about the white house and the residence is it's an asbestos filled hellhole like not literally asbestos but it's old government housing like it's a shitty ass building you don't want to live in especially trump right i am i had a boss that was in in uh construction and he would meet with senators and shit. Cause I guess that's just fucking how construction goes. And he was telling me that like, it's just unimpressive old government offices.

He's like, it's exactly what you'd think here. I am like, I don't really have much experience with old government offices. Like, Oh yeah. Just like, just like probably the senators I know.

But, um, yeah, it's, it's kind of unimpressive old there's air force one on the other hand is like the opposite it's the tip top of technology well any plane the president is in is air force one technically but the big fucking uh plane uh there was a part in um the west wing where the president's trying to hire a new secretary and she's worked for a prince, a duke, a king, like three prime ministers. She's just not impressed by the president of the United States at all. He's like, what do you think of the plane? She's like, it's fine. It's a little better than fine. It has three bedrooms and a surgery galley. He goes, isn't that nice?

She's just so dull about the whole thing, not impressed at all. I was like, does it really? You know what else it has? A brig. And then you throw her in there until she's impressed by your sweet plane. You're right. I'm looking at pictures of the inside of Air Force One. I was told, and this is old information,

it might not even be the current one, that it wasn't that neat that other private jets were cooler because it was kind of like a flying office meant to get work done and stuff. But as I'm looking at pictures, maybe I'm just not accustomed to private airplanes, but it looks pretty nice. It's also capable of operating a nuclear global war

from the air continuously for weeks at a time i mean that thing's amazing really i bet it can refuel me i'm almost positive it can refuel me that's what i'm talking about it can stay in the air indefinitely oh they just refuel it yeah yeah but most planes right food that's a good question I'm sure they can bring... Can they load it like they do fuel? Well, they've got that whole very phallic interface for fuel where the fuel tanker's

in front and it dangles that elephant trunk thing. But how would you get food to them if they did need to be up there for... They don't have extra food. I don't think they have any. I once saw a guy with a wingsuit go from one plane to the other maybe there's a plan in there somewhere trip one of 700 i got you a muffin steve's coming behind me the muffin stump it's all blown away

you know i could fly anywhere on the planet, so they can find somewhere to land to get food. But yeah, that's the coolest thing the president has access to. I bet there's some neat bunkers. I bet they've got such cool underground stuff. Al Gore said that. They asked him what the coolest part of being in the West Wing was, and he's like, Air Force One.

Air Force One is the coolest part. I imagine. Yeah. He he doesn't talk about the really cool bunkers they have i bet there's lots i heard that there's a there's a bunker under greenland that we have but i think we have installations everywhere the white house is a bowling alley i'm almost positive why not it doesn't seem like that much of an extravagance if you really think about it right on one hand it is and then you're like oh it's two lanes and people who like bowling and are rich could do that yeah

that put in and he was stoked on it and now she's there or something like yeah yeah yeah there's no way obama went down there he's wanting to shoot some hoops and smoke some cigs you don't think that Trump and Obama and Biden are knocking down some pins in the... Oh, look at that, actually. I expected more than one lane. Yeah. I just can't imagine.

I just can't imagine anybody's going down there. It's so presidential, though. If I were president, I'd have that converted into a hockey shooting gallery. I don't know. If you told me that this was your this was you told me this was your like your and all my secret service agents would have to play goalie when i told them to you joke but you're goalie now it's like if you were president you could you could be the guy like look you won't be on my detail you got to be able to skate that's

that's all i ask president taylor once again invites the st louis blues to the white house we're having nothing to do with the winners of the cup and not he's you're gonna do that vladimir putin thing and like make them like eat shit while you skate around i like by force i naturalize like alex ovechkin evgeny malkin sydney crosby they're americans now it doesn't matter that they were russian and canadian they're ours now good luck getting back to canada yeah you're on team america now the best you make you as president you could like trade them for for some prisoner you could do a it'd be the first time you did a prisoner exchange for a for a for a sports yeah sports star we'll give you the arms dealer please just bring up an oligarch and a spy but i get like mr president 15 terrorists and he's like

he's the all-time goal scoring leader no and he's close he's not. He's close to it. He's close by this point. By the time I'm president, he will be. The all-time goal-scoring leader. How close are you to 35? I'm 32. So you need to wait three years to be president. That'd be right on the money. That's probably when Ovechkin's going to hit it

in the next two or three years. I won't talk about that anymore. Ovechkin's going to pass Gretzky in years. I won't talk about that anymore. Wait, wait, wait. Ovechkin's going to pass Gretzky in goals? Yes, I believe so. He's about 70 away. Oh. What?

Which would be one of the most impressive sports things ever. I thought that was the most ridiculous, uncatchable records ever. No, his point total is entirely uncatchable. No one will ever catch his point total. But his goal total, Gretzky has 894 goals in his career, I believe. And right now, Ovechkin is at like 825. Do you want him to break the record?

Or is there a part of you that wishes that he wouldn't? No, I want to see someone break the goals. What's his name? Alex Ovechkin. Dear Lord Satan, I call upon you to curse Alex Ovechkin. No! Curse him.

No! Take his legs out from under him like that one episode of King of the Hill. Taylor, the score is kind of posted now. They're both towards the end of their career. Did Ovechkin turn out to be better than Crosby? No. No. As far as players, Crosby's far and away the better overall player.

Ovechkin is just such a cool player in that he's 38 years old and he's still like Kyle doesn't know this. And I'm sure there are baseball people like this, too, maybe. So Ovechkin has what's called his office in hockey, which is where he likes to shoot from. Every goalie in the league knows where Ovechkin's office is. Every player knows where his office iskin's office is every player knows where his office is and he shot from his office largely since 2003 and he still scores from there all the time because he shoots so hard and so accurately in a way that other people can't that like you just you can't if he gets a clean shot off you can't stop him in a lot of situations

the best goalies on earth have hard hard time with it. So watching him play is fucking awesome because he's also a big bruiser. The meme with Alex Ovechkin is Russian machine never break. He doesn't get hurt. He throws more hits than any big-time goal scorer has ever thrown in NHL history, and he doesn't get hurt. Lindros tried that. It didn't work out. He did get hurt.

I got a question for you, Taylor. I've had this question in my head for a while now it's okay it's nothing to be worried about you're playing forward you have a breakaway the nearest defenseman's 10 feet behind you so you're pressured but you have time what's your move what's your goal scoring go-to oh i'm on a breakaway with the puck? Yes. Yeah. You're trying to score. Shit. I don't have much confidence in my dangles and my stick handling, and so I would probably try and swoop to the left or right side of the ice, draw the defenseman, and open up space so I could pass it to my winger. You would just pass?

You're 10 feet away. The defenseman is 10 feet. Oh, he's behind me 10 feet. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, then, yeah then yeah i'm gonna go for a breakaway i'm gonna i'm gonna specifically how are you going to freeze the goalie and get your shot off uh i know through lack of experience how much harder it is to do that like in the moment because like as a goalie like you're never in that position what i would actually do is like fumble it and panic and probably miss but like i would try i would try and go like forehand backhand and like then go to the backhand to be like all right you can probably tell my stick handling's not good so he's gonna

assume i'm gonna go forehand i can at least hope i can go backhand here and raise it over his pad so yeah that would be my hope i've been in this position a lot right because i skated i do i wasn't a goalie and uh i've tried you know triple deking him i've tried very subtle moves you know like to to make the goalie think that he's reading me but it's really just a you know a little faint um none of those work it faints like didn't you see i was fainting come on bro i'm just a little better than. I'm just a slight bit better than you. Yeah, and I've tried big dekes and moves and stuff to pull them away, and really that just makes my handle on the puck kind of weak.

Yeah. So what I actually do, what I evolved to, is just shoot it on net where the goalie isn't. It's as simple as that. It goes in sometimes, right? Maybe five hole, maybe one of the corners. I don't know. But just put it where the goalie isn't currently and hope for the best.

Yeah, that works often. Well, sometimes. It doesn't work all the time. Oh, and also you rarely embarrass yourself, which counts too. If you shoot it right into the goalie's chest, everyone's like, oh, what a waste. Or in his pads on his legs they're huge uh yeah to shoot it with a goalie or if you don't even get a shot off it's like oh i'm an idiot and everybody knows i'm an idiot right now and they're all thinking look at that idiot i wouldn't have done that like for the

triple d can you were good enough for a double d yeah the times i would like try and like do stuff with my stick even like skating down and like sticking pucks i'd be like i know for a fact i would not be fooled by my bullshit right now if i were in goal like my my little maneuvers these are not convincing like but yeah any any sport like that it brings you a lot more respect to the people that that are very very good at it and i mean that's why everybody like loves their sport, the one they're closest to and understand the most about. Cause to them, that's the most complex one.

Like I know I'll never understand basketball the way someone who played their whole life does, you know, there's a bunch of cool stuff in that, that clip we watched in the hangout of the dude who like did the behind the back, like elbow. Oh,

Jason Williams. Yeah. White chocolate was his name. That was fun. That was kind of neat. Like I liked,, Jason Williams. Yeah. White Chocolate was his name. That was fun. That was kind of neat. I never saw that clip. I need to watch it. I know the pass you're talking about, like you described it,

but I didn't actually see the clip. Yeah. Yeah. He did a lot of good moves. I liked him. Yeah. You could argue the best player in NBA right now is this Nicole, Nick, Nick, Nicole, he joking. How do I not know his name right now?

Oh, it's a really Euro names. Eh, it's a, he's a big, giant, goofy white guy who does great stuff and makes it look ordinary. It's like Serbian or something like that. Yeah.

Something like that. Yeah. Why isn't he back home fighting for freedom? Like it doesn't even look that athletic. He's like a little bit too fat. Like he doesn't have that, uh, deltoid bicep definition thing. But he plays basketball really well.

Yeah, he seems to have functional fat. It's providing him a little extra energy throughout the game. Yeah, maybe. Maybe if he was super lean, he'd just be exhausted and grumpy. There he is. He looks so Eastern European. That's what he really looks like. This isn't an unflattering

picture. This is him. He looks a bit like Stipe Miocic. Like his jaw. Just the bottom. He probably went to the same school. That deltoid bi-tri thing? Yes, I know Miocic. Tell me where his deltoid ends

and his tricep starts i challenge you yeah it's interesting he doesn't have a lot of muscle mass at all he's not he doesn't have the build that that i think of as like the the modern nba look because they all seem fucking jacked whenever i don't watch the sport at all because it's bad but like whenever i see a picture those dudes are like bulging in all the right places you know what i mean like yeah they look like action figures very lean yeah and they've all got shitty fucking tattoos it's like you got all the money in the world you couldn't find a real tattoo artist and sit down that is a shame that is a shame yeah also i i'm like checking myself is this racist to say? I think it's harder to draw a nice tattoo on a,

on a dark skin. You mean? Cause they don't sit still. No, because, because the, it's just a white colored canvas is easier to use colors on. And yeah,

you don't have as many, obviously like you have to go to like a different kind of tattoo and you need to, just like you need a black people, people barber barber i'm sure you need a black person tattoo artist oh i never thought of that i i can't believe that they haven't come up with like white ink that pops to to to oh you think they'd be there's no way they haven't tried that i bet it like maybe it just doesn't look right like what happens if you white ink up a a real dark-skinned guy like could you do some sort of negative like shading with the white to like really make the

black pop exactly if you outline the black with white so colors in tattoos just don't work as well they they don't last and like zach said they have white ink but for some reason white ink completely disappears in a couple years it's like it was never there so it looks amazing when you leave the tattoo studio is that what it's called studio but um three years later the white has just completely vanished i'm not down for scarification or branding though i don't know why those guys want to like i don't wow if you're on an nba team to me anyway it feels like well that's both like you know light skin people that's interesting though the white especially against the black i wonder what that would do yeah i mean these are both bad tattoos i i like the um the the one i don't like the the

one on the left like for like what what it actually is it looks like dead flowers for some reason on a negative background that's square some sort of modern art nonsense but i like this sort of traditional maybe japanese influence kind of thing on the right without that's some sort of islander shit i bet where they're tapping it in that looks cool the leaves especially i don't know what that red nonsense is with the flowers look look at the difference between two months later and that's on whitey though i i don't think it's gonna fare any better on black skin you hear you that's on you've used have you ever used a white crayon on fucking white paper and been like ah this one doesn't work that's what they're doing here zach says it's worse on black skin i don't know what

you do with a fucking white crayon you have to be some sort of crayola savant to know what to do well what you do with the white crayon is you give a base below the color to make it brighter yeah i didn't nobody taught me that we have a crayola savant here on the call there you didn't know that if you want the green on your grass to go more you you put white under it and then it is brighter you guys fucking sucked at crayons you know that's cool with my fancy box of crayons self-worth is built on my crayon talent and there you are hitting me where it's things there's a class divide when it comes to crayons in school i bet nowadays they're like all right everyone gets this pack but back in the day i brought like the 164 banger in did yours have the sharpener and the side of the box i don't remember i was

five years old i remember being in miss crow's um class and her and and there being a whole thing i think some kids were stealing my crayons and shit because you know they didn't have a chartreuse and a peach and a um i can't remember all those silly names they have. All right, I got a couple things here. Do you want something that's about... I'll rename them. Politician Titties, Fat Hate, or Go Woke, Go Broke. What was the last one? Go Woke, Go Broke. These are all some of my favorite things.

I know. I'm going to speak on behalf of the audience politician titties all right i found a new subreddit boys this is a gold mine okay it's called aoc is mommy don't judge me all right i didn't name the thing of course you found mommy all right now this is a subreddit it's all about aoc and her big mommy milkers i had no idea they were so big i thought it was just a meme i knew she had a big ass and she was fit. But yeah, I could go full screaming in the streets libtard for them big old titties.

Go top all. Go top all. I'll help you snatch the guns up. I'll give you names. I'll give you names. I'll name names. like strapped those things in with a sports brawl on normal days yeah she's got them buckled up but every now and then them bitches turn loose what you want to do i don't even have it up but i've already peroused if you know what i mean if you scroll down there's one where she's in like a nighttime environment and so there's like this purplish blue lighting like

maybe a bar or a convention maybe to me it felt like right after some event because she's wearing like a gown and she is less protective of her cleavage because it's so dark but the like you know you can you can tweak that uh little photo editing and then you've just got these big mommy milkers hanging out uh everywhere there's a few few good uh images on there but the best one to me honestly is probably when she's in that white thing with the sleeveless number and and her nipples are just going to town because she's got like nickels for nipples dude there's like half of these images of that one dress in particular she must have really scored some points yeah do you like big boobs i like all see yes it's it's like if we had a character slider

and we were going to like slide it until they look like what they were going to look like they'd probably be like some sort of magically firm and perky C or D. But then again, that's some sort of, but in real life, it's never like that. There's no, you don't, it's like, oh, it's like, oh my goodness, they match. Some people like variety. Like you got a little, you got like eight cups.

I like a C and an A a it's like they do chicks you're like honey i like to pretend like you're a different one yeah i'm fucking the left one you know in real life i've dated girls who had like almost none you know and and then just the the huge other end of that spectrum so that they were just gigantic double-handed big crazy things i don't know titties are titties they're all real nice what i don't like sometimes when a lady has um had had a child or two and breastfed, their breast sort of becomes this shadow of its former self. And it's

just sort of like this bag of marbles. Yeah, of sand. It's just this bag of sand. Bag of marbles. You sound like someone who's never seen a movie. You know, chicks, and they're goddamn jingling around

and they're hey I can hear you clacking around in the kitchen in there after a good woman has a baby it's just a loose amalgamation thing it just really loses all of it's consistency it's not a titty anymore

you know now it's it's just no good but yes I don't know titties are titties it's not a titty anymore you know it's it now it's a it's it's just no good um that's what you thought uh but but yes i don't know titties are titties the same thing with at one i don't understand that question like i think dude just want to talk about titties or something but if we're just i don't know wherever titties seem like a simple i was prepared to answer because i i seem to be the rare guy that genuinely thinks little ones are better. And, and I I'm in a wild camp on this and that I've almost never seen too small.

I haven't pictures seen girls who have like almost boys, right? Like, like they just like, you really can't find boob at all. But women who think their boobs are way too small are oftentimes just right for my tastes. That's true. Yeah.

I don't like them like tube sock titties either good having said that i can't be convinced that women see a really small penis and say that one's perfect for me so i i get guys who are insecure about that and i get i maybe i better yet i get girls who think that their boobs are too small because if i had a three inch hard-on or something i'd be like there's nothing you can do to convince me this is grade a true where so girls who have grade a i get why you think they're not perfect but i think you're wrong sure yeah i think um again like like the issue there is that they don't give as much give as much of a shit about what we think they've got other ladies to compete with with big old knockers and um women women be shopping you know and most dress there's

a lot of dresses they are shopping dude preacher choir online in person drive-thru that's a michael scott reference um what i was gonna say is like a lot of dresses don't fit appropriately if you don't have boobs like like you just can't wear certain tops uh if you don't it goes both ways if you have really big boobs like certain kinds of tops are almost off limits to you unless you want to look kind of slutty which is fine but yeah they they do it's it's rare that they want to hide them them toddies so the aoc that she's she's a prime example so so yeah everyone out there you're welcome aoc is mommy man you were on that quick is this a brand

new community uh yeah we started up last week yeah okay fired up me i got the boys out there uh my my uh my spiders as i call them wow creeping about you can filter by flair mommy worship milk this latina milk milk yeah there's a category called milk literally divine goddess-based mama. Big booty Latina. I'm going to filter by that. Not disappointed. I legitimately do think that chick is real fucking hot. Even with those bug... I like the bug eyes. I really do like the bug eyes

for whatever reason. They're just so intense. She reminds me of a black widow spider. Yeah. Do you like having sex with me do you yeah I don't I don't know I don't know what this is I don't know I want to go home his eyes are so big and judgy I'll tell you I so I thought of her as really pretty and perhaps one of the better looking people in politics she's not super pretty in most of these pictures

at some angles you know what I mean they're candid like yeah I think when she's just at a podium and looking straight on I think it's a pretty lady and she's got an amazing body for a human being how old is she she's young she's like

in the world of politics people are so largely I don't know, human being? How old is she? She's young. She's like 30. In the world of politics, people are so largely fat and ugly oftentimes. You're gonna look better. All of us, imagine us standing next to Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham and Chris Christie.

I'm a fucking smoke show next to Mitch McConnell. And Dianne Feinstein. That's my fucking trio. That's my wingman. Dianne Fe McConnell. And Dianne Feinstein. That's my fucking trio. That's my wingman. Dianne Feinstein. Dianne Feinstein, Chris Christie, and Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham's going to be talking up all them cute boys in the corner anyway. And Chris Christie might be a good wingman because he's got $1,000 in his pocket if you'll suck our cocks. That sounds perfect.

You do not have to compete with Lindsey Graham for the same people. No, definitely not. And me and Diane Feinstein, I think the ladies see me with her and they contrast my sweet... I'll be feeding her some bourbon, spoon feeding her. Burn a bar.

What am I going to do? She's crying, so you're rubbing bourbon on her gums like she's a baby. A little maker's bark yeah i think it'd be a good look the god our politicians are awful i would love a president who is running right now and he's 34 right like i'll be yeah he'll be 35 when it's time you know what i mean like i love that shit that's too young for me maybe i I'm old. Let's go. Let's have somebody who remembers 9-11, but not

all that well. So I know people are living well. Someone like my age that remembers it as a day that I got to go home early because I got to play Pokemon with Alex and play in the woods all day. I got to go home early. It was just from system.

Not us. We toughed it out. You had a hard 9-11. One of the worst. Anyway, yeah. People live longer now. But are politicians more geriatric than they used to be? Absolutely, yeah.

Bob Dole was old as fuck when he ran for president. Remember Strom Thurmond? They worried if McCain would survive his presidency. It seems like it's a higher percentage of them because they don't retire. I remember Strom Thurmond. Strom Thurmond was from South Carolina, I think. If I remember correctly, he's been dead

for a while now. But I remember him serving and then mentioning that he didn't remember the civil war but his daddy did you know what i mean it was like holy shit this guy's so he was like 85 90 there was an alaskan guy i think his name might have been stevens who the one who he was in charge of like the technology commission and he explained that the internet is a series of pipes and tubes might have been tubes and he was

saying that sometimes his emails got jammed in the system and took several days to get there and uh it's like you're in charge of this commission this is ridiculous yeah yeah it's upsetting i look i'd like some young people in there i don't want to fucking you know i i i want somebody that that that is reasonable but someone who can who can fall and not break their hip for sure all right like desantis is fairly young right that's yeah desantis looks 42 to me i'm calling it 50s but i'll google it yeah he looks like he's 40s like he's got dark hair all he's got all of it decades younger than the rest yeah 44 see that that's his the biggest thing he's got going for him uh we'll see how the how the uh the the the process treats him because we'll see how people in um who's the

first place they go to um iowa iowa like how does iowa think about florida style third in iowa if people don't remember in 2000 i would probably be 15 i guess yeah he got third in iowa if i recall that was before he really boom the machine got going you know and but but hey that's that's we'll see we'll see what the what the national stage does for DeSantis' platform because we really haven't heard too much of it. They focus on his Disney nonsense and don't say gay, but I think when he gets up there and he's got his two minutes that you can interrupt to say, first of all, it's not called don't say gay.

It's called don't teach third graders about anal sex. That goes through 12th now. And there's a reason you should teach kids about sex when they're young. Here's the thing. Obviously, it should be done delicately. And you don't want to give them techniques to massage the clit or whatever. But kids in fourth grade and under should be able to recognize sexual assault. And I'm for a little high level.

This is what inappropriate touching is. These are your private parts, etc. I don't mind that in school nobody does okay um the don't say gay thing where you like can't even teach about homosexuality extends to 12th grade in florida now that seems long i think you know it always boils down to these nitty like like the way you said. We lost you, Kyle. Yeah, you just went mute. We just lost you. It ended with the way you said. Pertinent point.

The way you said. What's it going to be next? What could it possibly be? Kyle thinks we should teach younger kids? I bet. Kyle thinks we should teach younger kids? I bet Kyle thinks you should teach. I can't even say that. It's too spicy for even me to say on this show.

Nope, nope, nope. Can't hear you, Kyle. I like that. I like his gracious Hitler accepting a salute wave there. You see that classic, you know, Sig Heil, Hitler accepts. that how hitler accepted a salute oh i'm starting to hear a little bit of audio from you kyle can you say something a little audio that's where there you are now you're back you're back 100 what was i talking about

i like the way you said something like that oh i don't know like like if they're saying that we can't talk about the fact that homosexuals exist in high school, I think that's a little based for me. But, man, it always boils down to something else. You know, like, I'd have to see how it's applied. I need to read the goddamn bill. But generally, I usually agree with most of DeSantis' policies. And I like anybody that stands up to Disney and their bullshit. I saw they just fucking made another goddamn Indiana Jones.

Oh, my God. Just let them. I can't wait for Harrison Ford to die. He's a bad ass. Harrison Ford hasn't made shit worth a fuck in 30 goddamn years. Die, you piece of shit. Remember when he had that plane crash? His only mood now is grumpy.

He just grumpy in every fucking role. It doesn't matter if it's mood now is grumpy. He's just grumpy in every fucking role. It doesn't matter if it's Star Wars or Yellowstone. He's just grumpy all the time. He's not in Yellowstone. He has less range than I do. And all I do is tell Dick Jones. He's just in a bad mood. He's old, right?

Is Harrison Ford in Yellowstone? Yeah, he's in 1923. Oh, the old one. The only thing I know about Harrison Flake, I haven't seen him in any movies in a long time, but I did see that funny clip from years ago where someone's asking him about Star Wars, and they're like,

what do you think about Chewie and the ship doing this instead of that? And he's just exasperated, just like mumbles like i don't even know just like just like who cares like every talk show appearance he does the same thing like it's not even acting i think he's just grumpy and doesn't give a fuck about anything yeah he's probably really but not in a charming way like it's it doesn't charm me anyway. I'm over Harrison Ford. Yeah, well, he's almost over. On the politics thing, I think DeSantis is way more legitimate than the poll numbers currently say. One, Trump has some big negatives.

I'm not the only one that cares that he lost this sexual assault case. not the only one that cares that he lost this sexual assault case and the Mar-a-Lago's thing. Now he's on audio recordings saying that he knew they were classified documents and he wished that he, and it was the attack plan to Iran and that he wished he could tell more people, but he'd get in trouble for it. Like that is really damning evidence.

This kind of thing is going to continue to chip away and ding at trump amongst people who can be swayed at all and they will likely go to desantis the only thing desantis doesn't have going is he's not cool there's something about him that's just dorky come on he's he's a haircut that's all you know you think he's yeah it means like a high and tight sort of like dog whistly haircut against b dude, the same thing against Biden. If you just look at the two men and you see Biden, who clearly is aged.

I don't think he's as bad as conservatives make him out to be, but I don't deny that he's fucking 80-something. I can read an actuary table, actuarial table, and look, he's older than I want my president to be literally yeah he's falling over that or be too biased to see straight he's an old man tripping over himself

once a year throughout his presidency i play with my dog i didn't break a foot i break shit all the time when you can when you can like since the 80s when you can like when it's a real threat that you can be injured showering you should be precluded from running any anymore they got skateboard tape all in his fucking shower i now they make an image they got one of those like sit down baths that you just open the car door up and step in those are kind of slick yeah those are the democrats clearly want trump to win the primary. So we'll see how it plays out. I'm accidentally opening the door of that piece of shit

and dumping 128 gallons into your bathroom. Into your second floor bathroom. Joe Biden, they're like, God damn it, get the secret service up there. Fucking Biden opened the door on his tub again. Fucking senile idiot. Get the Navy SEALs up here with their mops.

You have to latch it, Joe. It was latched. In the 70s, I had two jobs like this, believe it or not. They were brand new. I had the first two. It's like, put your pants on, Mr. Biden. Please.

Yeah, anyway. So we'll see. I like to watch politics. I'm a stats and stories politician. Fat hate? Canada hates cancer? Or go woke, go broke? Throws the fat.

No, I'm glad I'm not alone. Lizzo is thinking about quitting because she's received so much hate for her body weight online. Really? So she's on the edge? What's her Twitter? She says that. Maybe I can do it well. It's so good. He's he's gonna be like i'll take a permanent ban i don't care

not in the elon days you love it yeah not in the elon days you fire out the fat stuff one of those like aragorn looking back for frodo moments and just drop the ember and bomb too just just go full blast um i saw a picture of her yesterday like doing like a split on her back on stage and her thighs had that crazy discolorment and like weird cottage cheese thing that incredibly obese people get i don't know yeah there's like eight different colors down there all patchy and like different consistencies it looked like like another planet or something down there and she's and she's got her legs spread so wide. You couldn't tell if there was pubic mound or just another bulge.

It was awful. But yeah, I guess. I've never understood. I thought she was a joke, that people enjoyed her whatever. But I guess she is rather popular. Yeah, she's popular. What does she do? Is she a singer? She's a singer. She plays flute.

I'm going to go to YouTube. She does play flute. I saw that clip. Yes, I know she plays the flute. How old is she? It's someone's butter. She's 14 here. 14? This is 25 years ago. She's 14 here. 14?

This is 25 years ago. Large and in charge. This actually makes her look... This is a very flattering look for her. She's 35. She's got the hair of eight Indian women. And she's got the bathing suit of half a marching band. And she is...

That's totally copyrighted zach you can't show he's like showing lizzo's music video but i did watch that privately that one jiggly gif though uh i've heard that song before that about damn time so i didn't realize i had heard lizzo i i thought because at first i didn't recognize it that my spotify was like just clean of fat people but i guess not. No. No, you need to get in there and correct it, apparently. Got to go in there and do a purge.

Thumbs down or something. Yeah. I mean, she's at a level of weight. Do not recommend. Reason why. Disgusted. She's literally at that level of weight where I would imagine life has already seriously become way harder. No, she's fine.

Like, daily things are hard. No, she just needs to have a lot of light. You're probably exhausted waking up in the morning being that fat. You can't wipe. Well, when you look like that, you got to have that big old timey Roman stick with a sponge on it. It's like a cat of nine tails, but it's rags attached. I bet she rolls forward and does a quarter somersault to get off the toilet i bet she drags her ass on a carpet like a dog gross fucking a new carpet please

like they bring a new one in every time it's like they're disposable like fucking wet wipes so she is threatening to quit for the yeah retired She said that she was starting to hate the world or something like that. Something attuned to that, akin to that. Something like losing faith in the world, something like that. There's a cliche, right? That like men don't, I think there's some truth to it. Men don't care how professionally successful their ladies are, but women do care how professionally successful their men are, right?

If Beyonce worked at McDonald's, she could still land Dre. But if Dre worked at McDonald's, he would not land... Is it not Beyonce? What did you say? Jay-Z. Oh, Jay-Z. I'm sorry. If Jay-Z worked at McDonald's, he would not get Beyonce, right? The inverse is not Dre. He's an ugly motherfucker.

So let's go to Lizzo. You think it's hard for Lizzo to get fucked? I wouldn't fuck Lizzo no to be fair I don't think she'd fuck any of us though like I bet she no because I can fight her off yeah I'm quick

especially together I'm a circle man we're throwing flaming little sticks around us in a big circle like that one scene from the edge what one man can do another can do i'm saying mr potato head is a makeshift voodoo doll get away from me ball is all shaky do another can do louder i love that we've established thoroughly woody would quote not fuck lizzo

sorry lizzo joining a big team there yeah um yeah i uh i'm not interested either but uh but i don't think she'd be interested in us i bet she's interested in um rich small asian men that she can crush could be when you're when you've got that kind of money you can be into whatever you want you crush all the little asian boys you want you can go to swipe right on your tinder profile you can go to a rich uh guys island in the middle of the caribbean and do whatever you want is tinder still on top like is that yeah for dating well it depends what it's so like it's not that it's i don't know about popularity popularity doesn't matter like you if you're in a metropolitan area well if you're in a metropolitan area you're gonna have so many

anyway like it's even even on the lower tier dating sites if you're in a metropolitan area, you're going to have so many anyway. Like, even on the lower tier dating sites, if you're in the middle of a city, it's crazy. The whole page will be full of people that are just right next to you. People are like 0.1 miles away, shit like that. They're just like all around you. But if you're out in the country, then it would definitely matter. But the different dating sites for kind of looking for a different... You're kind of always looking to get laid but a different kind of laid almost like like like there's more long there's like tinder is like let's fuck like now like right now oh yeah everybody or no not

everybody but often it's if you asked a person who knows what tinder has been on tinder for a while and like knows what's up hey what's tinder for girls will say um a mixture of getting laid and boosting my uh self esteem and guys will say pussy like like those are the that's that's what you'll get uh but on bumble um i bet a significant amount of the guys are like i want to get married i want to get married and a significant amount of the women i want to get married fumble's the one where women make contact first and it is more of a serious relationship kind of thing and then what like there's like e-harmony and like a million other little things plenty of fish is like the nasty one i wouldn't i don't even fuck plenty

of fish do plenty of fish and just prostitutes and gods yeah it i thought like back in the day it was okay but i i downloaded it three or four years ago like hey this is another one let's see what's going on and it was nothing but prostitutes and bots and scams like oh bet you got big cock you want to see my big titties oh what's your paypal click this weird Click this weird chain of numbers and symbols. No, don't really click it. Click the longest link you've ever seen. I'm curious about the Tinder thing. Okay.

You said something I can't get past. Girls use Tinder for sex and self-esteem boosting. Yeah. How can you tell or how do you weed out people who are just using you for self-esteem boosting? I don't give a shit. Like, oh, take my boost, baby. I'll keep moving. Eventually, she's just not like, oh, I interpreted that as you're like showering her with praise and she's never intending to meet up.

That's not how it goes. So if I am in full, like some pussy moment, then I've got three or four apps open and I am making my rounds through them. I am messaging four or five women simultaneously across two or three apps. At the same time, i'm also looking for new ones you know like constantly and may end and i'm sort of trying to i've seen the diagrams you know like breaking down like total swipes and uh um women you spoke to and those that led to dates and those. Oh, yeah, yeah. The little. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I don't know what mine looks like exactly, but I'm just trying to to weed out all of the crazy and all of the not serious. And there's plenty of bots and catfishes on there, too. You're like weed through all that nonsense and then just find people who are actually looking to meet up or who are actually going to do what you want. Right. Like if what you want is like dinner dates and bowling, like you're trying to weed out anybody who isn't into that, whatever you're into.

I'm trying to weed those out and then slide those people over to text or WhatsApp or Snapchat so we can actually stay in contact because messaging on those apps is always kind of sketchy. People don't always have their notifications on and all sorts of shit. If you actually want to have a conversation with someone, you really want to slide them over to some other service, off of Tinder or off of Bumble. Usually you move over to Snapchat. Yeah, that would be the way to go. Yeah.

So you're working on Bumble? yeah that would be the way to go yeah um but um bumble and uh and tender for sure are the are the two go-tos 100 and then hinge um i think i only met maybe like two ladies ever off of hinge um but you know they were they're real real nice ladies you know what i mean like like i might have weeded through 400 women to find two cool chicks who i could hang out with whenever and like watch a movie and have sex and go to dinner and like see in a week or two sort of like which is what i'm generally looking for most of the time anyway um but hinge hinge was the least effective and then bumble was okay and then tinder's just great like tinder's just great there's so many women on tinder who just want to have sex right now like like they're just they're literally just horny looking for a penis that will show up and

fuck them that is the easiest one because you're right because there's the understanding of it. Yeah, this is news. I'm back on all the dating apps now. I am officially divorced. So there you go. That's true news? That's true news, yeah. Well, welcome to the dating world. I wish you the best of luck.

Yeah. Yeah. I happened like seven months ago or so now. Basically, she cheated on me and then confessed it to me. So I told her I didn't want her in my house and kicked her out. And then I immediately filed for divorce. And so it was quite the process. Wow.

How'd that work financially? Well, as you would guess, it was a rinky dink Mickey Mouse divorce. Like considering like you're only married for like a bit over a year. Didn't have kids, like none of that stuff so uh yeah it was as far as divorces go pretty easy you know to get through but and even though like there was nothing my ex said throughout the process or that my attorney told me throughout the process that made me think it was going to be some like oh like financially ruinous thing. Cause like, like logically I knew that, but like, damn, the amount of time, like over that period, I just spent like in my own head, like just these

financial worries that like I'd in my own head be like, stop like being so worried your whole life's going to come crumbling down it's not you're fine and then it'd be like you can't you can't stop thinking about that well what if this happens what if this is my financial future what if this and that and that is uh enormously stressful so that was not fun uh being single again uh is is awesome it's It's genuinely... I'm really enjoying life more now than I was. Lord Satan comes through again. I cannot believe that I'm such a fucking idiot

that I had to go through... When I call down to the dark man and I ask, you know how many cats I've had to fucking kill over the last year and a half? Oh my God, dude. There is so much cat blood on my hands. Satan was thirsting, but he sent that demon. I was hoping the rest of his sentence was,

I cannot believe the wisdom Kyle had all along. That's literally, I needed, you know, I'm such a midwit retard. I had to get divorced to realize that Kyle and Dick, my high IQ friends, they were trying to guide me down that road. They tried to guide me down that road. And in my arrogance, in my pride, I ignored them. I didn't take their advice. So this is a true prodigal son story, really, is that I'm back.

I'm back. This is like Iron Man 1. This is Iron Man is that I'm back. I'm back. Iron Man one. This is Iron Man one. Coming out of the Afghani cave. I'm coming out of the Afghani cave. I'm back in the mix. You know what? The thumbnail should be me after crawling through like Andy Dufresne.

And I'm back. I'm out. Is Taylor looking up at that lightning film sky? and I'm back. I'm out. Is Taylor looking up at that lightning film guy? I can't stop putting together Taylor's body transformation and

dating app reappearance. I think these are related. It's absolutely related. Yeah. 100%. We separated in mid-october uh to give people the time frame like it's been quite a while since we separated we've been actually officially divorced for a few months now so like i've been

been dating again and whatnot uh i need to get hinge and bumble i only have tinder but uh yeah i've never actually used a bumble account i need to get Hinge and Bumble. I only have Tinder, but I've never actually used a Bumble account. I need to check that out. Bumble's too much of a commitment. Are you sure you want to see a woman twice? You know, we'll see. We'll see where we're at. Yeah, I like Hinge a lot.

Excuse me, I like Bumble a lot. And Hinge, like I said, I think I met two girls on hinge ever but um you know i i like those those girls in particular i guess um tinder you meet some crazies on there too do you still talk to them the hinge girls um i i have never like told the girl i don't want to talk to her anymore if uh if you end up in a relationship where it's not appropriate to talk to me then i'll just notice that you haven't messaged me in three years and respect that you know what i mean but i don't have any reason to be like never contact me

again like why would i do that so that's i've always liked your attitude towards this and and it's a little bit like like hey i do the groundwork and we get to know each other and we find out that we're a match and girls worry oh now he's not going to want to talk to me after tonight no no that was great i absolutely want to talk to you not necessarily move in not necessarily talk to you all the time but what we did tonight i would love to run this back in four days and i was was like, yeah, that's genius. Why do you want to start from scratch with the next one? I've never quite understood that. Like I've always been of the mind and I've always been real open about it. Like, hey, like.

They'd be like, you're not going to call me back, are you? Well, no, I'm not. I'm 35, not 65. I'm not going to call anybody. But I'm going to text you like a call the next time I'm horny. You know, like and I'm going, not 65. I'm not going to call anybody. But I'm going to text you the next time I'm horny. And I'm going to be polite in between. Which is about four hours from now. Yeah.

You better get in your car. A week ago or a week later or whatever. But no, I've just never understood why you'd want to fuck a girl and then block her or something like that. She would have to be so shitty, like such a sketchy person yeah that you didn't that you were like worried about your safety or like she was gonna like do she's on she's doing drugs she's an alcohol she's like a crazy shit like an actual unstable dangerous person that

you don't feel safe around before i'm going to like block you but if it's just a sweet girl that we had sex like like i don't i've never understood blocking and like like i thought it was just in the movies but then i hear about people doing it i see women online on reddit being like yeah we had sex and i thought everything went well and then it blocked on all like all social media and this that and the other and i'm thinking like what what kind of style is this you only want to fuck her once i've never done that what's a typical gap between like the pictures in a tinder profile and the real life is it can be enormous oh uh it there can be a drastic difference between the way someone is presented and sometimes like it can be like oh

that's you 40 pounds ago like well there is stuff like that i get current like live photos usually like and you don't know if they're live on oh you once you're chatting with them yeah yeah we can like if you're on snapchat and like it doesn't have to be like triple x either like if if she's at the pool or like or like i'm on the treadmill or something like that like just kind of showing that we have torsos is a good idea at some point because you know it's it's a good idea to know that that exists um i i i've told that story a bunch of times about meeting that girl off of my facebook um like fan site with and oh my god i saw so big so big it's twice twice that happened in hindsight though would the current wiser kyle not fall for that or was it impossible to avoid oh like what it was was wishful thinking it was like it was me

like that'll get you my brain was filling in gaps and like making excuses for why things look the way they did and like like whatever it could do to like make this okay the questioning side of my brain was like shoved down in a corner somewhere and told to shut the fuck up god damn it what team are you on but when you did what needed to be done yeah well it's happened twice but one time i looked out the hotel window and like she's there she's at my hotel this is right this was when woody for time frame you were leaving cisco like like i think you had called me that day and and we were talking about that like you were gonna move it was like imminent that it was gonna happen for real and uh after i got a phone with you i was like on the phone with her looking out my window i'm on third or fourth floor and i saw she's like i'm in the red dress and i'm like holy

shit you like pac-man like like she's a red dress she was so big and round i see a tent no did colvin make that dress like there was no way to back out so i i let her go down on me and then i pretended like i like prematurely ejaculated but really i was just only wanted a blow job and uh and i was like oh no what happened i was like you know what this is my first i was like you like pull it out of your mouth and you're like oh no it's you're like still cranking your dick what i want to ruin oh fuck another four minutes of this and then you gotta leave so like i think i like apologized and maybe said like well we'll go to dinner um you know in like three or four hours uh but i'm gonna get a nap take a shower etc i need to oh i got i always make up work that i have to do you know in like three or four hours uh but i'm gonna get a nap take a shower etc i need to

oh i got i always make up work that i have to do you know because women believe that i got all that work meanwhile like i was there to i might have been there to buy that boat i was there for fun um and uh and as soon as she left i went to blocking her everywhere man i'll admit like like that because and then she messaged me back on like the last remaining way she had whatever it was she was like what the fuck you know why did you what happened and i just wrote back you know why you know why and and then i blocked her there too because she was so big dude she was so big and it was just and then another time i was in texas did you go canoeing with it you almost expect like 15 pounds of lye 10 pounds of lye no no all right sometimes a lot of the times

the girl is like clearly like just she's never gonna be fat right like like so just lots of chicks are just just because of the heroin i don't and again like at this point like and really after these two instances that happened i always make sure that i see what all of you looks like and again i'm not talking about triple x but like i'll see you in a fucking shirt and some jeans at some point your whole goddamn body but there was that time in texas when i was man she pulled up in that cube who make i don't know who makes the cube but it's that maybe nissan oh i know nissan is it huh yeah nissan it's the it's in that she pulled up in a cube and uh i had been talking big shit you know i'm like oh yeah let's go to morton's uh you know i'm gonna i'm

gonna do this and i'm gonna do that and then we're gonna go here and do this and that and then we'll go back to the bar at my hotel. Then we go up. I got this kind of room and that kind of room. I'm talking all this shit. She pulled up in a normal one. It was great. She pulled up in one of these. I don't give a shit. It's a chick's car.

I sat down in that bitch and she had it in drive so fast and was away with me that by the time I was buckled up and noticed how big she was, we were gone. And I mean, she was,

she was tactical on her part. She was too big. And I, in my head, I I'm thinking about how much money I've promised to spend tonight on this big bitch. And I'm thinking like, no,

I can't even afford to take her to Morton. She's going to get that whole seafood tower herself or something 180 worth of chilled crab no so i'm i'm sweating trying to figure out how to get out of this my heart's beating are you sweating or you're just catching some in the air and and i mean it's, she's way too big. And I call my buddy and I text him, like, get me out of this. Call me. Call me. Calls me up. And I'm doing a whole

fakery on my end that doesn't even involve him. I just needed the phone to ring. But he's going, got you a big one, huh? I'm like fuck and i'm over here like oh all the footage got deleted no what do you mean well how would we film tonight it's night time oh they've got stadium lights and a generator whose fault is this they're fired but but i'm on this date with this lovely lady here can i bring her with me is there a pen she

could play in i go through all of this fakery on my end and then i go click and i'm like you know i kind of believe it. And I tell a bunch of lies about how I've just got to get back to work. Got all this work to do. And I just have her turn around and take me back. And then I had sex with a prostitute instead, who was not that much thinner. But but that was the one who was on her period, though. It turned out and bled all over me in the in the room.

Yeah. So it was quite a night. Content you got from that night. What an awful. Did you have any clue that she was being unfaithful did you said she confessed it is that when you first learned or yeah it was like the night before like she was out somewhere and i wasn't there and she came back the next morning and confessed it to me so and yeah you were surprised by the confession or uh i mean i'll just i'll leave it at this like she and i were not happy in that marriage um and so it is i believe 100 for the best that it is over um dogs huh they are her dogs yeah that that was a discussion that was a discussion early on because teddy was literally a gift for her like that makes sense it's cut and dry and then fozzie like a bonded

pair yeah they're a bonded pair and fozzie was literally bought by her mom because she was going to get a dog at the same time we got teddy and then we ended up keeping both because teddy was so fucking neurotic that he couldn't like handle reality without having another dog there oh yeah my my dog has extreme separation anxiety and i did it to him and there's no fixing it but it's fine i guess i wanted a lap dog he cannot be without me at all uh we have to be together continuously right now he's outside that door waiting he's outside that door right now he loves outside that door right now waiting. He loves you. He loves me. Toby, the one I've raised from a puppy across the town. He's brown and sort of Chewbacca looking.

Yeah, yeah. He's a Bernie Doodle. And he's just the cutest motherfucker. He has very expressive eyes, which is like a gorilla. He looks like he's thinking about shit over there. He does. He's looking around. You've sent pictures before, and he has human eyes it's like he has the whites of his eyes are very pronounced

and and like you can see what he's looking at and where he's looking and he watches i've never had a dog that would watch tv i've seen them on the internet um he watches tv all the time anything that's high enough frame rate the the dogs can pick it up. Does he show higher interest when animals? Big time. He likes, uh. I think that's so cool. Well, he also like, he likes anything with like action.

Like if there's two men fighting, he'll watch that. Um, and if there's like an animation of like things bumping around like Star Trek when the ships are shooting and like flying around and twisting he's like oh look at that but if i turn on animal planet he'll watch those fucking um animals like do their thing and like yeah all right all right i'm following along like i've been watching this i think it's called otter empire it's something like that it's part of what otter dynasty some shit like that i it's part of what otters are very cool otter dynasty some shit like that i only watched like a little bit of it because the dog was like

a stupid name dude i don't i don't know there's multiple episodes it's on max it came over the discovery shit if you see it on there it's got some cute otter i watched like a few minutes of it and it starts off with like a british voiceover And she's like, this is Empress Jezebel. She leads over all the watery ways here in this easterly corner of Nottingham. When she took power three years ago, she made certain to kill the old queen's daughters. Now her and hers rule. But another comes. And you're like, wait, what the fuck?

And as you're doing this, they're cutting to like different otters. Other groups of otters. Yeah, like one of them's got a flower on its head. And this isn't animation. They're real fucking otters. They actually put a flower on their head? It had a little lily or something.

The cute thing was the dog is like, holy shit, what are those? He's never seen an otter before. Every time he sees a new animal, he's blown the fuck away. We watch a lot of Animal Planet and Planet Earth and all that stuff. I love that fucking dog so much.

I'm already thinking like, what am I going to do when he's so bummed out when he dies? And he's not even a year old. I haven't gotten him fixed yet. His balls are bigger than mine. Like three times bigger than mine. He's got a stack on him bigger than my fist dude good for him don't take it from him and it's bald do you do you nair your dog sack just like you no just the eight minutes i need you in the shower

he's like you don't understand the peril you're in he's got brown and white curly q fur everywhere on his body except for these big bald nuts bringing up the rear and uh he he just he's just he'll stick him in your face like he'll back up and try to like sit down next to me on the couch and it's like oh fuck he's got me with a ball dude chill he's uh he's my favorite dog i think that i've ever had um i really like that dude and he's easy to deal with he's the other day i i was making these like shish kebab these skewers uh and i had filet mignon and just two different kinds of bell peppers um some tomatoes and uh some onions on these skewers and i've i've cut this fucking steak just perfectly

like there's no fat on this shit each piece of onion is identical because i i threw away anything that wasn't perfect and i've got it all made and i'm like all right i'm gonna take a piss before i start grilling all this and as i'm coming back through the house i see toby running through with the whole skewer in his fucking mouth and i scream at him i usually don't scold him i've never really hit him like toby what have you fucking done my fucking skewer my fucking 30 a pound and he pisses himself now i feel terrible yeah you bully he fucking pissed himself on the floor like a baby oh no just then i had to cook the skewer and give it to him because he's ruined it i don't want his

spitty skewer yeah i like that dog a lot i'm glad i got that guy he's a good one you got your own little troop over there your own little troop yeah yeah that that the old dog the the the malamute um the husky or whatever is just such a weird dude like he waits until he's just about to burst to go outside and then he takes these angry shits and then afterwards he just sprints inside he like as soon as he poops he's like everything he's got to burst through the door and and he's like dragging cables through the house and plowing through the trash can and there's no he's not going anywhere i have no idea what the fuck his deal is he's just excitable he takes shit he loses his goddamn mind he's just he's a fucking missile finally they uh i think they're

taking the dogs away from my neighbor i saw neighbor. I saw a black cop in his backyard today, and I think he was taking pictures of the dogs back there, I guess to prove that they're not being treated well. Are they still just sad looking? Yeah, I mean, they've got everything they need, really. They just don't have an owner, exactly. They're just kind of abandoned over there. I don't know exactly where all their food and water is.

Are they just trapped in a backyard in a random house yeah yeah yeah like like fenced in it's a pretty big backyard to be honest and and part of it's got a big tarp over it right now they're in a much better situation than they were two or three weeks ago when it was 90 out and they were just in the sun with no food or water um like that's how we kind of figured out that he had abandoned them there that's so shitty that is so shitty gotta be people get dogs and then bag to treat a dog like that yeah people get dogs and they don't know like how to raise a dog or like how that works it it blows my mind that people can do that with a dog but even more than that there's people that get exotic things those people that get tigers and lions and bears

I sent you guys that video. I don't know if you saw it, but it's a chimpanzee and It's like around a fire circle and somebody's back patio behind their house and he starts Like hyping it up, you know, you know, you do a dog like who's good boy? And the dog will like lose it shit eventually he's doing that to a lady chimpanzee. And this thing is like more and like it's building to the point where I'm there. I am scared. And I'm just trying to remember. That's right.

They don't swim. I'm getting in that pool as soon as it starts tearing faces off. No, they don't swim. I'm getting right in that fucking water. Because this thing was, and I'm sure it's a friendly fucking thing, but God, I always hearken back to that lady that got her whole face ripped off.

I know you haven't seen it yet, but if you want a new horror movie, you need to see Nope. Nope. Oh, you've mentioned that one before it's like a murder mystery made by peel jordan peel yeah is it the murder mystery good you recommended oh it it is good i don't want to spoil it because it's so bizarre it's one of those that it's good to go into i don't know if you saw um what what's what's the the first one he did with the the black guys meeting his white girlfriend's parents?

I don't know. I haven't seen it, whatever it is. Get Out. Get Out came... I watched it in prison, so it sucked. It was all edited up. But still, Get Out is very good. That's his first movie. It's also horror. It is

very uncomfortable. This black guy's meeting, again, his white girlfriend's parents and like before they take off he's like they know i'm black so no like you think it's gonna matter and he's like i think it's gonna matter you know like building this up and you as the audience like yeah man it might matter like like maybe tell them but and but they're the opposite of racist they're like awkwardly accepting the dad's like you know i voted for obama both times you know there's like stuff like that going on meanwhile they have black servants and the black servants are like off like one of them is smiling like the maid is smiling but a tears rolling down her cheek

and he catches i don't want to spoil too much more but they're off and he's trying to figure what the fuck's going on and it's very scary because these people live kind of in the middle of nowhere that's his first movie and it's very very good nope i don't think people liked as much but i liked it more because of like what it turns out to be is going on and nope has a chimpanzee attack scene in it that is sort of not part of the main story but it's just sort of a flashback to some shit that happened and it relates to the things that are happening in the story in modern times basically it's uh it's the story of a black brother and sister their dad dies in a very bizarre way that i won't spoil and they have to take over his horse ranch it's really the son's horse ranch the daughter's trying to milk it for

as much money as she can and the son's just trying to take care of the horses and spooky shit starts happening on the ranch while he's there and they like they get a white tech guy and his camera's set up everywhere and then that trio of them start trying to track down what kind of ghouls or goblins are are up to no good at the horse ranch i might check that out then i'm i'm looking for better thrillers with unsettling, I guess, environments, unsettling plot lines. You'll never guess what it is. You could sit here and start rattling off, and it'd get ridiculous. The servants are aliens the whole time. Hmm. And that's the other movie, but I mean in note.

Quick topic change. You nailed it, Taylor. Wait, is that actually the other movie? Yep, that's exactly what it is. Perfect, not watching either. I saw they were saying that Chick-fil-A was going woke, but then I looked and it seemed like they were just... It was just your sort of average standard diversity hire type stuff.

They got a CEO of diversity and inclusion or something i guess is a um i don't know i was gonna say dog whistler maybe that's not a dog whistle because it's kind of out there i think they're the person who's like oh you don't have nearly enough black well no plenty of fry cooks you don't have enough black managers what's that about i think they're they're that person who's gonna who should come in and um or in. This company needs to be a little more inclusive. Brown. I was actually thinking sexual orientation. Oh, man.

It's so weird for them to go that way when they're the gay hate chicken, not the acceptance chicken. I just thought it was wonderful that conservatives thought Chick-fil-A wasn't hateful enough. It's not hateful enough. Look, here's the thing about good chicken. Their chicken is good enough that they can fund the murder of gays, and

gays will still eat it. Is that what they're doing? Yeah. They pump up those African politicians that put gays to death what if that's what like uh chick-fil-a donated to like just to like ugandan politicians who are like you cannot be gay here fuck you like they do well well aggravated homosexuality is punishable by death in uganda i believe i think it's uganda ted cruz came out against notoriously uncool with with gays well i mean they just passed a law like like last month about

the aggravated homosexuality and the death penalty thank god ted cruz has his finger on the pulse with homosexuality and fucking botswana he has his constituents are so often mad at him i don't know they make me a big deal out of it that they don't like it but yeah there's a backlash against him being against killing gay people um yeah he's got a gay daughter or maybe a trans daughter i don't know which yeah that that's that's what's up there ah i didn't know that see i didn't know this lore for ted cruz yeah this gotta know the stats and story you know what turned her gay that time he tried to kiss her outside that bus stop that would happen to me too you remember that clip it's a different daughter anyway probably i don't i don't fucking know the man's children but i just remember he notoriously tried to kiss her during the 2016 campaign

and oh my god she recoiled like he was a bum like like like a dirty old man was like give me some sugar baby like when you're politician daddy if ted crew if i'm on ted cruz's campaign right i'm some sort of like i give him one joke a year or whatever and they let me hang out and he leans in for a kiss in front of the cameras i'm smooching ted cruz because he wanted it you know they must look look whatever ted needs okay if he needed those optics okay ted cruz needs me i'm gonna be like ted cruz is like top guy guy is a top guy what's this from it's the same idea he was saying this about hitler he's like he's like goes on and on about how bad hitler is he's like what if he was but if he chose me i don't know if I could turn him down. That's one of his funnier videos.

That's a good one. I think it's called, I was a soldier in occupied Paris. It's very funny. Yeah, what I was going to say, though, is I think Chick-fil-A, their chicken is so good that they can fund the murder of gays, and gays will still eat it. I don't think it's so good that conservatives will stand for any sort of wokeness whatsoever okay like they'll go somewhere else it's it's it's real good i don't see chick-fil-a taking a hit at all like oh if chick-fil-a came out as a out and out communists like mao is on the photo like now

it's a cow with Mao's face would that really impact how often you're buying the chicken there? I took my wife to Chick-fil-A because I roll deep like that and she kind of didn't like it she's not a Chick-fil-A veteran and she got some sort of

chicken strips and she picked it apart trying to remove every little bit of fat yeah basically she found 15-20% of the chicken to be worthy. Damn. I've had all these great experiences. Chicken strips don't have fat on them. Yeah.

If you look carefully enough. They have like veins. Chicken tenderloins. Yeah. She didn't. I thought the quality of the chicken was a little substandard. It is the highest quality chicken and all the fast food not as high as my house well your house isn't a fast food place

of the fast food places it blows the pants like i tried the popeyes one when it came out a couple years ago and it was just the ratio of breading to chicken was insane it was awful too much too much breading all chick-fil-a. Chick-fil-A chicken is brined in pickle juice, and then it is breaded using a very particular mixture that has powdered sugar in it,

amongst other things. I think there's powdered milk, powdered like infection. I don't even want you to finish saying it, man. You know what Chick-fil-A has for me? That's the actual draw. Sweet chicken. You guys are talking about the chicken.

Some people like the fries, which I agree are fine. They're fine fries. I think I don't like them. The real draw to Chick-fil-A, the Sunjoy. The fact that they will do an Arnold Palmer was sugar free lemonade. And then, of course, unsweetened iced tea. The drink is like 10 calories and good. No one competes with that.

No one else has that to me. Yeah, I make it at home. You can get the sugar-free of both and then throw in some... Jackie makes it at home. We have containers of sugar-free iced tea and sugar-free lemonade and she mixes them right in front of me

like a bartender. That's great. Bartender, never any booze. Just my five calories of Quasar. What's it called with booze? Is it a John Daly when you put booze in it? You're probably right. I don't know.

Because Arnold Palmer's a golfer. It's named after him, so John Daly is the same thing. It would have to be. He's the big-time drinking golfer. That would be perfect yeah isn't he is john daly the guy who who was tremendous and he's the guy who would like drink like 10 beers over the course he has records all over the country for uh for for driving distance on like like various courses and uh he's the kind of guy that would pound a case like case through 18 holes.

That's more than a couple beers a hole almost. He's still killing it. Oh, yeah. He's just naturally talented. Just one of the best in the world. Always has been. But is he happy? Or is he like, this is actually low-key kind of a curse.

I'm addicted to alcohol. He's like a rock star kind of mentality. He lives in this pimped-out motorhome. It's like a rock star uh kind of mentality he lives in this pimped out motor home it's like million dollar motor home or something like that um he's got it parked outside of his fucking mansion makes no goddamn sense he's living out there in it um he lives in a trailer outside of his mansion this guy's great um he dresses like a goddamn he dresses like you you got the collector's edition of some kind of video game, and then you went to town on your character. Yeah.

He's dressed like Ronald McDonald on his away uniform. I've seen pictures of him golfing in jean shorts. He's dressed like a fourth grader. Pounding cigarettes on the course, you know, drinking. It's just his Stern interview is very good. It's been years since I've heard it, but it's very good. Are you allowed to just drink throughout competitions in golf if you feel like it? I guess I would.

He's doing it. I would imagine the rules have probably changed. I don't think he was drinking during like PGA Tour stuff. I don't think I think most of his prolific drinking and playing happened on private games. What a great question, though. I feel like alcohol shouldn't be banned in sports. It's not a performance-enhancing drug.

If you want to show up drunk to an MMA fight, good luck. Mr. Daly killed a fan today with a drive while blowing a.20. PGA has given no response as of yet as to why he was served an eighth vodka and soda on hole three. I feel like it's a liability issue if you've got John Daly slinging him out there 300 yards with three shoots to win. Yeah, with enough force to kill a man.

Yeah. You'd be right. I'd like to go to those Topgolf places. I actually haven't driven in a long time, like hit golf balls, but I always liked it. It was really fun. What it needs, though, and maybe Top Flight has this, I want to hit shit.

I want a guy out there in armor antagonizing me. Why don't they have that? You can hit the ball at the guy in the cart who's driving around picking up the balls. That's like incidental fun. They should zero in on that and be like, ho, ho. Turns out everybody's favorite part is when the

ball guy comes out. Why isn't he always out there? Matter of fact, why don't we just put a kid in some armor and have him curse at the players or whatever, the customers? I'd love that. I'd love that shit. I don't know.

I'm not good at golf. I've played some. Driving ranges are a blast. They are so much fun. There is no better way to play golf than just like hanging out with buddies at a driving range, trying to like hit towards, because they're like,

there's like pins out there obviously. And some of them, I haven't played at top golf, but I have friends who played there and they say like, it's almost digitized at some of them. So like there's a pin out there and if you hit your ball like within that pin like you can score points and so you can be like competing against people that's interesting as you're going and it's it doesn't get frustrating at a driving range because like you don't have to

go get the ball if you really fuck up a shot it's like whatever whereas if you're really golfing it gets aggravating so quickly to have this idea of what you want to do with the ball and just not be able to do it like it's it golf is hard as shit yeah i'm glad i never got into it at all um we just goofed around redneck style at the farm because we had a handful of clubs and a and i and i stole a bucket of balls from the driving range. Five dollars a bucket. I'm like, thanks. This is way cheaper than the store.

You just walk away? I just went home. You did? Just dumped the bucket in the fucking truck. That's hysterical. I'm going to need two. They can just leave, steal their buckets, get fucked. fucked i'll never be back you'll never see me again they never did just got a bucket of these cheap dog shit balls with like those like black hash marks on the side to denote that they're the shitty range balls yeah the fucking golf course and uh like royston georgia fucking

yoinked them bitches uh Mine, mine for sure. Yeah, we would hit them, and then I also would use them in my cannon, like grape shot. So we'd put the big cannonball in there and then pour like a whole bag of balls on top of that, and it was just like this rain of, you know, golf balls with a bowling ball backing it up.

That's what I shot at my dad that time accidentally. He thought he was just... It was like World War I. He was getting shelled by the fucking Jerrys. A bunch of titleists. He was so far away. I didn't know he was there. He was hundreds of yards away.

But I heard him once... I was showing some chick my cannon and set the thing off. Boom! And I heard, hold your fire and i was like oh shit apparently i narrowly missed him he said the cannonball itself missed him by like 20 feet oh my god that would have ruined your whole day just fire a cannon into the woods and you're like that's weird i don't remember a wet thing out there that it would thud against yeah him and i'm sure there's a lot of viscera in the

him and josh yeah yeah him and another guy were out there uh nearly got him he yelled the other guy he told the other guy to run because you can hear it coming uh it spins in the air and you have the holes in the ball oh it's like whistling yeah the faster it's going the the quicker the woo woo woo so when it's going slow like if you want straight up in the air on its return journey it's going woo woo woo but if you blast one at somebody it's got this doppler effect going on too so that the sound kind of piles up on it so it's going woo woo woo woo and you're like oh my god it's coming but it was like, woo, woo, woo! And you're like, oh my God! It's coming!

But it was like knocking tree limbs down. And you know, the golf balls come raining down as well. So yeah, that was one of those unfortunate incidents. Yeah.

Yeah, I was more careful in the future. Thank God. Well, before Woody gets back, we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors. This episode of PKA is brought to you by RealDBG.com.

RealDBG.com, folks. Hold on to your dicks, folks. We're going to need some parental advisory warnings for this one. RealDBG.com has got the goods, and I'm not talking about candy. We're talking about 100 milligrams of Delta-8 infused gummies, 50 milligrams of HHC infused gummies, 1 gram HHC

and Delta-8 eight carts and a 650 milligram bottle of syrup that will knock your socks off and forget about spring has finally come. Real dbg.com has all the seasons covered from the dead of winter to the heat of late August and everything in between. These gummies will have you melting like the polar ice caps. The cartridges are like a super car, the way they outclass the competition. So come on down to real dbg.com and get as stoned as the statue in your local park. Get ready to have a night. You won't forget,

or maybe you will, depending on how hard you hit the syrup. Use code PKA 23 for 23% off your whole order. That's right. People 23% off your whole order. So you can indulge in our premium THC products without burning a hole in your pocket. Just remember,

always consume responsibly. RealDBG.com, code PKA23, 23% off. Check it out. As we've said before, if you're going for the absolute strongest thing there, I think it's the 100-milligram Delta-8 gummies. Those are even stronger than the 50-milligram HHC. But if your tolerance is low, don't be a hero. Don't start with the gummies.

Start with a cart, and you'll have a much gentler, easier time getting acclimated to it. Or if you do insist on the gummies, please start very small so that you enjoy yourself and get the most bang for your buck. RealDPG.com, code PKA23, 23% off. This episode also brought to you by Lock and Load, the premium, premium ejaculation increasing supplement brought to you by the brilliant minds

of the two hosts remaining here and derek a real scientist as far as i know he's jacked i dare you to tell him to his face he's not a scientist he's like six four he's six fucking huge that's infuriating he's that big and he's six four yeah he's good looking too my god he's a king a king among men we need a millionaire in the power. Millionaire. And this is from his company? This is from that gentleman's company? Can you imagine Luke Titan? That's who you need to ask about fucking

dating sites, man. There's no way. Derek's gotta be like the fucking Mount Rushmore pussy. I bet he is. I don't want to get advice from him. I wouldn't be able to compete. I bet he ruins the vagina. He's got those Death Star delts. 6'4". I bet he doesn't leave anything for the rest of us compete i bet he ruined the death star delts six four i bet he's anything for the rest of us i bet he just ruined he takes it for himself he's a pussy hoarder derek he won't

he's he's it all has to be his no i just mean it's never the same again after he's done with it like like i i just i feel like he there's a there's another subreddit i like it's called um oh let me make let me get it right. Continue with your ad, please. Oh, CodePKA, CodeJizz, 10% off anything you can find over at Derek's site. That's linked below. Be sure to check out Lock and Load. Increase your ejaculation, and I think it increases the pleasure.

The more you're coming, the more you're literally spending time coming. It feels nice. Also, the pre-workouts, the Nitric oxide pre-workout is non-stim. Those are the best pre-workouts ever. I recommend that highly. Cherry blackout's the best flavor, by the way. What else? Oh, and the energy drinks.

Be sure to check out Derek's energy drinks. He's adding a new flavor like every few weeks. So if you're interested in that, check them out. The orange crush and the cherry vanilla are both very good and the kiwi one's good also if you like sour shit it's very sour though so check it out code pk code jizz 10 off get yourself some high quality supplements from derrick's company and that's it very nice um do you have those cigarettes uh That image for the cigarette sack? Can you pull that up?

Are these the Canadian death sticks? Yeah, yeah. So I guess they finally got the law changed a bit. And now every smoke in Canada is going to say poison in every puff on these on the filter. I think that's the filter. It's hard to tell because it's all white. It looks like the filter, yeah. It's going to say poison in every puff on these on the filter. I think that's the filter. It's hard to tell because it's all white. It looks like the filter, yeah. It's pretty hardcore.

But I think they're going to have different warnings, I would assume different warnings, on the filter itself of each individual cigarette. I remember the first time I saw Canadian cigarettes, like back when we did one of those paintball trips. And what's-his-name had some. I'll be honest. I thought it was cool. I was like wish you had wish you brought me a pack like like because you're not scaring me with that you're not scaring me with that because i've i don't know the news

media has lied to me for decades about what's healthy and what's not healthy oh my god fucking cell phones were gonna give me brain cancer and the ozone layer Was gonna melt us all and the ice caps The ice caps and look I just Don't think cigarettes are that bad for you Look they're bad for you You smoke them your whole fucking life Nobody ever smoked cigarettes for 10 years And got sick I don't believe it

I don't want to stop people from smoking Would it be more effective to make them more phallic You know like put a little head on there No we wouldn't care We're getting no there's oral fixation going on anyway and look especially canada they're woke as fuck they'd love to suck that little dick i think i might be more interested in smokers if that was it subreddit towards it just like oh my girlfriend has a penis like this too i don't know I feel progressive.

Yeah, that's what they do. I mean, I think enough is enough. How much do smokers need to be bullied? They know it's bad for them. Don't need to put nasty photos on there that the rest of us have to look at at the gas station. I'm a huge fan of getting smokers away from me. I don't like it when my clothes smell like smoke i don't like breathing your smoke gotta it's not a personal decision it's a

like you're making a decision on my behalf when you stink up the restaurant yeah i don't like that i don't want to be part of your stink i agree um but on the other hand if you want to you can do meth i don't really care oh Oh, it probably smells bad. You ever smell meth? Is it like cat urine? No, I've never smelled meth. Like ammonia? I don't know what it smells like. Yeah. I read online. I smell it every weekend. So the smell was a big plot point

in Breaking Bad. Online they said it smells like cat urine. I've heard like vinegary. I've heard cat piss. And I've heard just plasticky melting chemically smells who knows um that's just not for me man like like oh i i could i would do heroin before meth i think really yeah yeah for sure especially you just like snort a little bit

of it i think you get a lot done if you were a responsible meth head. What's the one you do on a spoon? You burn on a spoon. Heroin. Heroin. See, that process leaves a really, I don't know. The dirty spoon feels low class to me. Does that involve tinfoil too? There are different ways to imbibe, but you could free base.

That's when we got the torch the aluminum foil got a little tube in her mouth you just smoke opium yeah you could yeah you get one of them old-timey opium pipes like like a fucking cowboy which is god i would love to get high on that go to china and just i would do i would do nothing but that until i until i died in china in an open i bet that's the best drug i bet it tastes good too and you get some like like really cheap asian process anyway um and then um you also see people inject the heroin right like straight into their vein that's when the spoon and the lighter stuff comes into play that you can also just someone who's so yeah i think injection is like the end of the line where like that's the most intense way you can do it.

Of course. Injecting. Makes sense. Yeah. I mean, what is more intense than that? Injecting drugs directly into your bloodstream. I inject it into my brain. Do you guys know what lion's mane is?

It's a mushroom. Yeah, it's a mushroom. What is the effect it's supposed to have i don't know it's supposed to be good for you in some some kind of way like lion's mane products yeah did you also yeah yes i don't hold off on those for now yeah not hold off on eating i'm just hold off on uh talking about them for now yeah um i yeah let's do that yeah so some other show yeah because it's sponsored that we need to probably coordinate on yeah i just don't know what it does or how i had oh it's had a fraction amazing things if it's one of our

sponsors would he god true fact true fact be careful on those you You might get super strong and sexy or something. Might get too healthy. Even stronger. With my mushrooms? I have heard the lion's mane mushroom thing many times, but I don't actually know anything about it yet. Other than what I see from like derrick type videos where he mentioned shit like that and is like oh the data for lion's mane

is uh some people claim this but the reality is it improves this but not to the extent that you would like kind of like every derrick video where he's like there is truth here but not what you think and it's like oh yeah this does seem more real now like that i wish it's actually not someone injecting you know fucking caffeine into their bicep every day when derrick sees someone that looks saucy as fuck i wish he dove in head first a little more recklessly you know he'll be like yeah the rock maybe. I don't know for sure. And it's like, really? Fuck it, I know. You know, The Rock.

Gabby Garcia. I can't remember Wolverine's name right now. Oh, Hugh Jackman. Yeah, yeah. Hugh Jackman. He's like on the fence, if I recall, on Hugh Jackman being on steroids. And it's like, really? He's like, really? He was just lean. He wasn really he's like really he was just lean he wasn't that

big but he was old and he looked better in every movie right like the first one he had six weeks notice so he just was like you know i lifted some weights but jesus well what can you do yeah yeah he had like no notice so he's just a regular dude in the first one. He goes, and you're like, nah. You're like Boogie at a gas station intimidated. You're not getting it done. You're like small Jackman.

You're not so Jackman. It's not working for him at all. By the end, maybe Logan's not his peak but i think i think maybe uh wolverine three or whatever whichever one where he's like fighting in japan um and he fight he's fighting like a like a samurai mech suit guy or whatever he's huge in that thing like like he gets real big no i i've always seen people like talking about him actually doing like some of the harder steroids to get that look that he's got.

Because it's so fucking intense. I wish he had Trenkoff all movie long. Just to prove it. I've heard about the guy that plays Thor and how much CGI and makeup it takes to hide his back. Chris Hemsworth, maybe? Yeah. They're saying that because he'd be like full-blown like right after a cycle um filming and they said his back knee would be so bad that there was like cgi and

caked on makeup which is crazy what they can do with cgi it seems like just make him look big just i told you about fireflame firefly girls there's mentioned on PKN, I said that the show was so gay, it would even lower your testosterone levels. Okay, yeah, I remember this. So the show takes place when the girls are children, young adults, and then like 40s or something. And for the young adults in the 40s, it's the same actors and actresses,

but they CGI them. And I think they use more Botox than any normal person would. Their foreheads are amazingly smooth. And it was, it kind of worked actually. Like as far as de-aging goes, I was like, budget must be pretty good on this.

I like it sometimes, you know, they got to get it right. I think I haven't seen this new season of Mandalorian. The first episode was kind of lame and then a lot of the review people that i like are just like shitting on it i don't even need to watch their videos to know why i just see like you can look at the title of their video it's just like mando fucking sucks go go broke disney and it's like and it's like fucking grogo getting like field goal punted or something like that you know it's something silly uh and and i kind of respect those guys opinions because

you you youtube is feeding me the people i care whose opinions i like anyway and like all of them hate it it's the same um situation with uh the the lord of the rings amazon series like everybody every reviewer that i like and kind of likes what i like consistently just shitting on it like like so many then it must and it gets clicks too that's that's another thing i saw there'll be like half million view videos just dogging on you know both of those both of those things in particular. I'm never going to watch that Lord of the Rings thing. It still contains my curiosity, so I won't say never. You know who I thought did woke pretty well? Doctor Who. They have gay characters in that, and that show is not about being gay at all.

Yeah, that lizard lady's gay. There's a green lizard lady who's like from the center there yeah she's gay it turns out the last doctor's gay and the um and her companion is too and there's nearly a romance but the doctor kind of shuts it down and uh the second to last companion who she's black, and she's with the old guy, the old doctor. She's also gay, but it's hardly a storyline. I thought, what are you laughing about? They're all gay.

Yeah, there's a gay chick, and she's back in time because it's Doctor Who, and there's like a centurion or something, and he makes moves on her, and she's like a centurion or something. And he makes moves on her. And she's like, nah, I'm gay. And he's like, really? You just have

sex with one gender? Seems kind of old-fashioned but okay. And I was like, that guy's like bi. I don't know. Somehow that's gayer than gay. Chiz was watching TV with his dad the other day and his dad was like, is everyone gay now?

There is a hint to that isn't there? Oh they're so overrepresented As I was listening to myself talk about Doctor Who I'm like well maybe they do take it a little far Since like 80% of the Doctor Who population is gay The internet thinks that 70% of people are gay And 50% are trans.

If you just looked at what Reddit thinks, about 70% of us are gay. The remaining 20% is bi. And there's like 10% of right-wing haters who don't want their girlfriend to have a dick. And then at least 25%, 30% are trans. When in reality, it's like these tiny, skewed little minorities that are being so overrepresented everywhere. You're like, yeah, you know, this is a new doctor who is gay.

And, you know, the one before was gay, too. But, you know, the new doctor who her companion is gay, too. So it's like, Jesus, how many of them are gay? It would be like if randomly there's like, yeah, so the last doctor who was Pakistani, the new one, too. Her father is also Pakistani. That would make more sense because there's way more Pakistanis in the world than there are gay people. I was thinking this the other day. But you'd be like, what the fuck's with all the Pakistanis?

And yet there's three gays. And you're like, yeah, there's a few gays. What's up? I was thinking this. I'll give you a chance. This is what success should look like. Here's the deal. Elon Musk needed a new CEO.

Now, Twitter isn't a problem. Twitter's lost about half of its advertisers. Because what happened is he brought these guys back who had like – some of them were like straight-up Nazis, but a lot of them had like a history of hate speech and bullying and stuff like that. And Elon is like, everyone come on back. Cool.

So half of the advertisers left. Temporarily, permanently, I don't know. But he's got a problem here. He has a problem in that people don't want to advertise on his platform. So he needs a new CEO. His other problem is he's stretched too thin. Say what you will about

the man he's running tesla spacex to some extent a boring company and twitter he's busy he needs a ceo to handle a lot of the shit that twitter has going on so he taps this person who's from i guess nbc universal or something like that and specifically she worked with the advertisers on that platform and i think it was maybe even the digital platform and the advertisers that she worked with and for like three weeks i'm like man she seems to have the perfect background to be you know to solve the kinds of problems that twitter had twitter didn't have tech problems they're not trying to keep the platform up it doesn't seem to be falling down as far as I can tell. Mostly it,

what the problem is has is profitability because the $8 checkmark thing has become kind of a joke and like a, like a, I don't know, almost an insult. Like you're an attention begging whore or something. Cause you paid $8 for people to notice you. So that's not saving the company.

They need advertisers. And this woman is the perfect fit. And it was like three weeks before I even realized, oh yeah, there's a chick at the top of Twitter. It was just a person at the top of Twitter. I didn't even notice really that it was a woman. There was a person and I thought about her background and her skillset and how well it fit into the problem set that Twitter had. Half of people are women. You tell me there's a woman running Twitter, I'll believe you. But if the CEO

was Pakistani and the woman before was Pakistani and they were all gay Stop it! The point I'm trying to make, you interrupted, fuck! You're doing your Woody impression. The point I'm trying to make is that what should happen in the whole gay trans whatever whatever is uh we shouldn't even notice it should be not

the most interesting thing about them it should be their skill set and what they're doing in their storyline not that we're sure they wouldn't be there the gay people aren't interesting i don't i don't follow gay people aren't so much more interesting that there would naturally be a huge flood of them there in a big group. There wouldn't be as heavily represented, I agree, but when they do pop up, it should just be a sort of

sideline, unless it's about sex. What's that video game that five of the main characters are gay? Is it Overwatch? Sounds right. It's like five of the main characters are gay? Is it Overwatch? Sounds right. Like five of the main characters are gay. Five of the main characters are gay? Well, that is an anomaly.

And look, I guess if we represented equally, there'd just be a whole lot of Chinese men. Oh, it's another chinese doctor who but um yeah anyway it does seem even i the fucking liberal cuck on the show i'm like this feels a little jammed down my throat sometimes, so to speak. True. It's just the over-representation of like every, I don't know, skewed, different, weird type of person

that we can be. I just don't understand it. I don't understand why everyone needs to be represented. We should only have attractive people be represented. There's only so many power, like what are there, five power ranges? That's representation that needs to stop, is there's only so many power like what are their five representation that needs to stop is there's too much unattractive representation you think i want to watch a movie with a male star that looks like me no no big side of that i i every so often

i see like people not good enough to work in hollywood on my tv and i'm like i kind of like this doctor who does it a lot. They grab some old dude to be Dr. Who, or there's an old dude that was a companion. I don't know. There's been shows I've been watching lately where the people are not all attractive.

I was like, I like this diversity. Succession is the show where people aren't attractive. Everybody. Yeah. You know, Cox. No,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, everybody yeah yeah you know um cox is good well are any of them attracted who's attractive on succession the chick is fat i can't be convinced otherwise kieran culkin maybe he's a handsome little fellow do you know the character's name uh he'd be like the youngest like he's the short one roman of them all is the short one. Roman? Of them all? Macaulay Culkin's brother. I don't find any of the main brothers attractive. Maybe Kenneth, but... I don't know. I haven't

seen it before. I think I watched like 10 minutes of the first episode and it didn't really click for me. I'm aware it's a really highly regarded show. I plan to watch it at some point. I'll tell you what, I'll never watch it again as Righteous Gemstones. I plan to watch it at some point. I'll tell you what I'll never watch again is Righteous Gemstones.

I like Danny McBride. I think I've had enough. Righteous Gemstones is about a family who are televangelists. They've got a mega church, and the family is led by John Goodman. Danny McBride

is one of his sons. His other son is clearly closeted gay. And then he's got a daughter who's like working so hard, such an overachiever, but never gets the credit she deserves. But I just hate them all because they're like these Southern scammy televangelist people. And I don't care what they do.

I don't, I don't care. I watched a whole season of that show and didn't give a fuck. I watched the whole thing just because I love John Goodman so much. And by the end, it was like, John Goodman can't save this. This is terrible. I really do like, maybe I should say liked.

I used to like Danny McBride a lot. I really love Eastbound and Down. I love Vice Principals. Those are amazing shows. I like his movies too, but I think I've had enough because every character on Righteous Gemstones, if you imagine Danny McBride saying their lines,

you realize who... You quickly realize he wrote the show. He's the main writer. He's gotta fucking be. Every character's just Danny McBride, but a woman, or a gay man, or a different person. They all have his sense of humor nonsense um i don't know

i can't i i couldn't get into it at all yeah well i won't jump back into it i don't know if i'm gonna jump back into from i haven't watched it yet no you're committed to from i'll get back i'll watch it the blood worms the blood worms oh my god like you know that shitty thing has happened where now it's been two weeks and I've I need to like muster up the care again you got two episodes if you wait till Sunday

three infinite if I never watch it yeah but Kyle like sometimes you just need to watch Mr. Plow again. That's what I watch. I'm more of a Plow King kind of guy, but that's just me. Oh, you're a Plow King?

Hey, Homer! Yeah, I'm going to go and scrape the top of the mountain. Fucking Barney. Yeah. the top of the mountain fucking barney yeah from i i'm mad at that show here's the problem man you ruined it for me a little bit because i hadn't noticed how slow the monsters move and then and then now i watch this last episode and i'm just imagining a version of me who has spent a lot of time getting agile because we've been living

in this hellhole for a while just running circles around these fuckers with my spear or like I want one of those hooks that they use to capture rabid dogs you know that loop and then the zip on the pole oh where are you going to go now Mr. Monster guess what the end of this is made out of gasoline

I want to be able to like light them up like I pull a trigger and it lights a torch on the end so i could burn them little flamethrower on your dog i just douse them just douse them with gas and then be like tell me how to get home you hold it on douse them i'd be torturing those things all day i'm telling you if we were there we wouldn't be scared to go out at night they would no they would be afraid of the nighttime because that's when we get them and we burn them alive and then we burn them slow i'd burn them so slow you burn them so slow there is the surrounding problem they do seem to have like those jurassic park tactics where they come at you from a couple of sides raptors yeah yeah

but i feel you still if, they can't jog. They don't even walk quickly. They shuffle slowly. How many video games have you played with the sole advantage you have is mobility over the big boss? It's easy to win. Fuck those things.

Yeah, it's boring. They're not threatening enough. Once I realized, oh, so they don't have any kind of teleportation powers to be a ghost over there now, or be a ghost over here now. They're just lazily walking through the woods.

This show needs them to conquer level one bad guys, which are the monsters, and have them just go away. And they need the tall man to show up and be like what have you done to my little ones so much work i put into them and then he's the guy he's like the negan character who's who's not scary monstrous and unhinged he's like smart and

calculating what would happen they'd go back and they'd be like, I just saw a giant scary man with demon horns saying, my children, my children, standing next to the burnt remains of the demons. And they'd all be like, you knew around here? Sometimes there's odd stuff. And then other people would be like, yeah, right.

And it's like, you've all seen the demons. It'd be like, hey, I saw a demon with the monster hairs and this he saw my children they'd be like it doesn't sound plausible I don't believe it nothing weird happens around here a stranger we've never met

is here inconceivable I think I know everyone in town if there were a tall man I'd be aware of it they say things like that that make no fucking sense new people show up every day through a portal okay i got a brand new blood-borne pathogen she looks at his forearm i don't see it i don't see it not believable oh my fuck what if you told me right now you had a blood-borne pathogen i'd 100 believe you i'd be like are you okay is everything gonna be all right like i'm hoping to lose weight you know yeah if any of you if either of you came to me and was like i have a serious medical issue

last thing i'm doing is poking holes in it yeah right bitch i doubt it like oh cancer on your eye pish posh what he says he's got worms but i think he's just crazy or wants attention i'm not sure which i think he's got worms could be all who lies about worms that's what he should have said he should have he should i really need a violent alpha male to take charge. Rick would have fucked somebody by now. I need a Clint Eastwood. See, Rick wasn't what we think is an alpha male. But back in the 70s, he wouldn't even fucking cut it. When Clint Eastwood rode into town, you remember what he did?

You wish. Clint Eastwood rode into town. He did murder some people. But before he got to that, he immediately raped a woman. Wait, he wasn't a good guy? He is the good guy. Was she a bad person?

Maybe we have different definitions of good. I'm telling you, he's the good guy in this movie, and the first thing he does when he rides into town is rape a woman. First of all, it's the one guy in this movie and the first thing he does when he rides into town is rape a woman she first of all uh it's the one um um high is high plains drifter i think it's high plains drifter it's the one where the town called lago um where they had had whipped the sheriff to death and clint acewood was the dead sheriff's brother but he doesn't that's lightly hinted at they never even say that out loud he rides into town and and offers his assistance because the three outlaws are getting out of prison and they're coming back to the town for revenge against the whole town. And he's like, I could help.

I could help. Because they've seen, like he immediately guns three men down in town and they know he's a gunslinger. And he takes full control of the town. He makes a midget the mayor and then he makes the midget the sheriff. And the midget's on the bar, I'm the mayor And the sheriff and he's and he's like going to every store in town And uh, he's got the real sheriff with him and the and uh, he's like piling up the nicest saddle and he'll take i'll take 15 of them rifles too and 500 rounds of ammo. He's buying everything and a cigar too and one for you, sir And then it gets to the point where they're like, all right, that'll be a...

They're all so happy. They're selling the shit. $87. And the sheriff goes, free of charge. And they just do that everywhere in town. They steal from everybody. All the drinks are free. And he's just running them into the ground like that.

And this lady... Yeah. As soon as he walks into town, this lady sees him. And he's like sexy clint right he's got the full like bristly beard he's got the poncho on hat pulled down low cigar he's he's doing coke at the time so he's very lean hollowed out uh and he's gone he's gone as fuck but he's a little he's got that he's got that desert tan he's into italy for these i think these are filmed in italy he bumps into this chick because she bumps into on purpose

she wants attention so bad and he's not even looking he's going full sigma male and she like bustles up into him and literally like body checks him on purpose and goes and like curses at him watch where you're going you and like maybe says he stinks or he's dirty or he's like like something and he's like if you wanted to get it acquainted all you had to do was say so and she's acquainted yeah and he just grabs her and drags her into the barn and fucks her i just watched it i scanned through it kyle's recollection is typical is perfect uh she She's like, not from you, whiskey breath. And he grabs the underhook, drags her. She's not even walking.

She's getting dragged in. Heels clicking. Yeah, just like he's breezily dragging her in. And then he throws her down in a stable with a bunch of hay in it and fucks her while she resists. She fights back, but it's not working and he's wood he can't be stopped so as he's pounding her he wins her over and she starts like sexually clawing his back and pulling his hair because i guess she's kind of into this maybe

she's got a kink and uh and yeah my husband's outside is that true i didn't catch that as i scanned by does he murder him afterward oh there's a whole well he can't but there's a whole thing where like he wants to and they got he he i think i think her husband owns or slash runs the the motel hotel in town which of course clint's like i'll take the tall top floor. He's like, there's people in them rooms. Get them out. It's great. But when you see the bad guys, infinitely worse than him. So much worse than him.

So he as a rapist, murderer, has got to set things right in this backwards town. The town of Lago. I promise you, this is a wonderful film i i can't it might be high plains drift right if you're a little mixed up look the rape is off-putting and comes out of nowhere right there i'll be honest dude it comes out of nowhere so well she keeps fucking him willingly as the as the story, though. She fucks him willingly after the first 30, 40 seconds. True.

40 seconds? I'm just telling you, that was a time when you had a... Is that a romantic scene back in the day? Well, I wouldn't say romantic. I mean, he did fuck her in a horse stall. That's okay. That's how they got down. His dusty dick

gave her that dusty trail dick she's got a horrid yeast infection that fucking oregon trail cock yeah he's not clean he's still got fucking like leeches on there from fording the river cram it into that dusty snatch. It's funny stuff that older movies and how that shit wouldn't fly today. We have a whole new level of consent. If consent is achieved after a minute in, that's not okay. That doesn't fly by modern standards. Or the big one for me is Revenge of the Nerds.

If you haven't seen this movie, i think it was from the 80s um these nerds go to college they're not getting respect they decide to form their own fraternity and uh it's the nerd fraternity and they're still not getting respect and they realize that if they want to run shit around here they need to win the games and there's like a drinking competition and this that and the other the other thing. And at the very end, there's a fundraiser, maybe? And in a carnival. So, head super nerd, like Rick Moranis

looking guy, dresses up in a Darth Vader costume, which is what Super Jock is also wearing. And he gets Super Jock's girlfriend in like this bouncy castle moon room and fucks her because she thinks it's her boyfriend and uh after fucking her he takes off the mask and he's like oh it was me and uh she of course is enamored so you know i think he explains that all jocks think about is sports and all geeks think about is sex.

That's why we're so good. Not accurate. Even as a kid, I was like, oh, fucking shit, dude. I think all of us think about just the sex and then whatever that other thing we do is just what we do. Wow. Because we can't have the sex in between thinking about sex. Yes. We just do that to make you like us. Yeah. That's just to kill time. So we don't have the sex. In between thinking about sex. Yes, we just do that to make you like us.

Yeah, that's just to kill time. So we don't... Clint Eastwood... So the hero successfully rapes her. Rapes the girlfriend, yeah. And everyone's happily ever after. Yeah, she's down. You know, it's a post-Postumus consent.

You can't get consent after the fact. Postumus classic. No, not... Postumus implied death, I suppose. Itumous consent. No, not... Does posthumous imply death? It means after you're dead, right? Well, post-coital... Consent. That would make sense, yeah.

Posthumous consent. I'm a time traveler. Works for me, too. Your Honor, my client is a time traveler. He knew that she was going to consent. Well, in the rules of Hogwarts school court, you are given the highest honors. 150 rape points to Gryffindor.

For deceiving the Hufflepuff hearty, you are awarded the Slytherin cup. I don't even know enough words about fucking Harry Potter. The Quidditch trophy. Yeah. It's called the, I can't remember what it's called. I am actually

excited for the prospect of the Harry Potter TV show and it being a decade long. Starting with 7 year olds and working up to 17-year-olds and hoping that that works. That your Harry Potter kid doesn't get ugly. That your Hermione doesn't fucking, I don't know, decide that she's not a girl

anymore. What do you fucking do if your Hermione pulls an Ellen Page and decides, nah, I don't want to do that anymore. I'm a man. And you're like, fuck, we're like... You can explain that away with wizardry.

We're two and a half billion dollars and eight years into this, sir. Sir. Sir, sir. No, they could, I mean, in a wizard show, they could explain that right away. Oh, I was here for the transification. I wonder though.

Transification works. We need JK Rowling on this. We need that TERF influence. Is she not as woke? She's a TERF. She's a trans-exclusive radical feminist. She does not get down with

trans women coming in and taking any of the thunder away from people born with vaginas. She's doing it as a feminist position. She's very left-wing, but

not when it comes to trans people. She's worried that men are better women than women are. It's a viable fear. She won't have it. She will not have it. She will not. And it's a woman of the year. Yeah. I'm excited for that, though.

Trends, nonsense aside. Man, it's such a gamble. Billions of dollars. So they're going to... Who's making it? They're not going to recast actors along the way? Recast. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. They age as you go. That's why they're doing 10... Who's making it? They're not going to recast actors along the way? Recast. Oh, my God.

No, no, no, no. They age as you go. That's why they're doing 10 years of a show. So the Harry Potter books, the seven books and eight films, cover the years that they're in school from seven to 17. And then in their 17th year, they kind of like drop out of school. Is that how long Harry's in school? Yeah.

For some reason, I thought it was high school. Well, he starts as a seven-year-old. He's like a little bitty boy when he's living under the stairs. He gets that first owl letter. And he's like, Harry. The big guy scares him. Yeah, they're seven. And then by the end.

So at seven years old, he's like the big jock in the school, their best Quidditch player? No. That's his first year, right? That's year one. old he's like the big jock in the school their best quidditch player no that i mean that that's his first year right that's that's year one he might become the seeker in the first book but the but that would make sense though because the seeker is like your fast agile player in a in a game full of life only because he got the the nimbus 3000 i'm 50 i'm still better than a seven-year-old he's like a jockey okay yeah he's got fast broom fast kid and that good hand eye coordination you know that seven-year-old fast twitch muscle fibers you know how those

british kids are you take one look at little daniel radcliffe glasses up his nose in the rain dude that's what i looked like as a kid with my fucking round-ass Harry Potter glasses. Really? I got that comparison all the time. I want to see some baby Taylor pictures. I had glasses as a kid.

I had them before Harry Potter. And then they got to be called Harry Potter glasses, so I switched out of those. To what? Just like the more normal angular like, angular size glasses. Like we both have. Kyle, you need to hurry up, look into the sun a bit, and get some nice glasses.

I use my side grinder with no eye protection. I suntan, and I just stare into the machine. You know, those blue, when I get out, I'm blind. I gotta have somebody drive me home. Those blue glow. When I get out, I'm blind. I've got to have somebody drive me home.

It itches. It itches. Do your 3x3 sun stairs. I've got some glasses. 3x3 sun stairs. It builds character. You're going to be wearing attractive glasses before you know it. A while some a while back. I got some of the 0.5 magnification because I thought it would help me gaming.

I thought I'd be able to see pixels better. It just gave me a fucking headache. If you don't need glasses, you shouldn't wear it. But it's just 0.5 magnification. It's not like changing some astigmatism or something. I just wanted this little extra so that I could see a pixel a little bit. Maybe 0.5.

0.5 doesn't sound right because it usually starts maybe to be 1.5. It was. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Wherever they are. I got the smallest like extra magnification I could. Headache. Headache after a little while.

So that didn't work out. Man, I kind of felt bad when Taylor and I were in the hangout Tuesday or Sunday, rather. We were like, yeah, maybe we will play some rust. And Taylor was like, yeah, that'd be fun. I was like, yeah, let's get on. And then Vavity and Larry went and really took what we said to heart. And they grinded and played for 15 hours waiting on us to join them. Shout out to those guys.

Quality gentlemen. Yep. Wasting your time. They're both very good at games too oh great guys do you know larry's name isn't larry i did know that fucking stupid as shit fucking i that's i like that guy a lot i hate that about but i know i knew him for like years and spent hundreds of hours like in calls with him and working with him in games and he never mentioned like yeah my name's brent though just so weird you know or whatever the fuck it is i don't know his real name he's told me what his real name is before but i don't have it off the

top of my head because he's larry to me yes he spent five years being a fucking look i mean like i don't ask you to call me dimitri god damn it like like fucking drop i actually have no problem with him using larry as a fake name the thing I struggle with the most is when he announced in a teamwork based game he says I'm dead when he's not yeah and in this game by the way you should and escape from Tarkov you look different every time like I it's not like I can memorize Kyle's look and then know that that's Kyle next game that could be a bad bad guy. Also, someone can look just like Kyle. You can't just look at someone. You have to memorize what they look like that raid,

which is tricky. Anyway, we'll be in a gunfight. It's two of us and two of them, and Larry says, I'm dead. Then I see a guy and I shoot him, and it turns out that was Larry. That's just bad communication. That's bad comms, bro. Bad comms. It's his fault. He meant that was Larry. It's like, that's just bad communication. That's bad comms, bro. Bad comms.

It's his fault. He meant I was dying. He meant it's getting dicey. But he said I'm dead. He's like preempted. What he meant was when you're going down toward death, and you're like, I'm going to die. He thinks he's disadvantaged right now.

He's sort of letting you know, oh, I'm dead here. I can't win this. And it's like, dude, I only say you're dead when you're like i'm gonna think he's disadvantaged right now he's sort of like letting you know oh i'm gonna i'm dead here i can't win this and it's like dude i only say you're dead when you're fucking dead because i'm killing whatever's not dead that means something very specific it means yeah yeah tarkov's fun like that's when i like to play tarkov by myself it's it's just so so so much better um like you which better talk off or rust tarkov by myself rust i need friends okay playing rust by yourself is so fucking lame to me uh like you at least need a partner like when you've got a partner to share that with like dude look what i got for us maybe oh that's great man look what i got for us and you kind of like pile up your junk on the floor and sort of it's fun because like maybe he got us a gun and you got the bullets or something and you're like fucking high five let's go

that if you're just playing by yourself in the quiet of the night it's so sad like i can't imagine playing rust like that tarkov on the other hand i could do that because it's it's everything is building toward i don't know i just can't it's just different different fucking game rust you need buddies anyway when you're if you're playing solo in a server with groups Everything is building towards... I don't know. I just can't. It's just a different fucking game. Rust, you need buddies anyway. If you're playing solo on a server with groups, they'll just bully the shit out of you. It's really hard to win fights down a man.

I'll definitely give Rust a go. I bought it, so I'm going to play it. How much is it? It was like $30, I want to say. I just got the regular version that doesn't have all the, uh, there's like an $80 version.

I can't imagine why there'd be an expensive version of rust. Yeah. It seems like you pay the server owner, get the cheap game. Yeah. Russ is very much like Minecraft in that, like you just need the base game. And then when you go to a different server,

like all the plugins just auto, you'll see it like downloading shaders textures blah blah blah fucking this and that asset like you're downloading all that stuff and then your game just fucking works and it just instantly does that on every server and you can find servers that tweak the game in a way that's more conducive to how you want to play you can go to a server where everything is hard to obtain, resources are low, and the population is high.

It's a fucking shit show. It's survival of the fittest. By the way, today was when a server wipes, there will be, especially a popular server, everyone spawns and you're literally naked. My character is an Asian man with a large penis. Middy's character is a

looks like Rose Namajian. That's a unicorn right there, Kyle. I know. I brag about it all the time. I'm like, look at this fucking I can't say that word, but cock. Look at this pink cock. But I don't say pink. I know what you're saying. Yeah.

And Middy is a white girl with a shaved head. She's very uggo uh but she's got some decent titties they're symmetrical and um and then larry i think is a black lady i think she he's a he's a black lady uh and you're completely butt ass naked pubic hair dick hanging out i'm uncut um and that's a server setting right you can put underwear on it that's a game setting i said it a game setting so you'll appear that way and others will appear that way for streaming purposes and such and video purposes but you're only naked briefly because you immediately are throwing armor

on when you find it right well if you find it at all so you don't find armor you gotta you gotta craft it i mean you can find it but you would you played Rust all week, you would never find any armor. You don't know where it is. You'd never get there. That's true. It's impossible to stumble upon. You have to slowly grind to the process where you can craft yourself some armor, but what will actually happen is

if you jump in on wipe day, and you're there with a rock all of a sudden, naked on this beach, and look at that there's four naked people in a circle killing each other with rocks and look at this there's eight more scattering into the woods and who's this guy ow ow ow i'm dead oh okay respawn wait this guy's got a spear ow ow stop and then you start running and you're like looking over your shoulder you're like tilting your head back you're like why are you chasing me you know i have nothing and he's like and he's just poking you in the ass as you run you just having fun you don't

give a shit um and you might die five or six times just and and we're all coordinating we have a map with grids i'm in g7 and my buddy's in a3 and we're all split up and we're looking at the map based on what's on it picking a spot to live and we're all trying to get there but you just keep dying over and over because the because like everyone is just farming resources like gremlins trying to make a bow trying to make a spear trying to make anything so they can bully and some people just bully all day they just bully all fucking day just kill kill kill kill and they don't care that they're falling behind in the resource war they don't fall behind they're playing their own game they start farming you you know because we're all out there with our rocks get with 150 wood 300 wood each and they're just die die die killing us

and farming us and i'm not good enough to do that there are people the you start with bows and arrows there are people who are good with a bow and arrow they do this crazy jump shot where they're in the air when they release it and it's hard to hit them back and they're ducking and dob uh dodging and weaving um it's a it's a fun game it doesn't have to be all that competitive though you can go on a server that's got very few people on it with a high gather rate two or three every time you hit the rock instead of getting one chunk you get three or two or whatever you want it to set to i definitely want it's a lot more casual have you guys watched uh any more of the golem game footage oh my god how bad is it it's unreal

it's it looks like the way golem looks looks like a prank it looks like a prank. It looks like a prank. He looks so bad. Like PlayStation 2 Gollum is what his face looks like. And it's also shocking that you would use Gollum as that character for the game. He has no equipment. He has no accessories, save one that i imagine the whole game is about finding like it's just a he's not the character you would want to play as in the game you know what i mean like he doesn't he's not like you'd rather play frodo or sam like you add stuff to their character you know gollum just he's a cool character but it doesn't fucking make sense to have him be the

water carrier for this supposedly huge game like he's a guy running around jumping in a loincloth they should make a lord of the rings like rts or or like that battle for middle earth 2 god i wish they had that available on steam if you could play as you know each of the races maybe the easterling people on the elephantsphants um and then break the bad guys up into not just saruman and sauron but maybe the witch king have his own like little spin-off thing and maybe that one um orc with the like melted face that looks like harvey weinstein he'd have his own like side crew of people there'd be some there'd be like osgilly that you could you could do some cool stuff with that that'd be have you ever played battle for middle earth 2 have you heard of that i know about it

it's like a storied game or you've talked about it before it's a very very good lord of the rings rts game that was well before its time and now it is impossible to find and buy anywhere infuriatingly i wish they were hard copies but i don't know if the key would work i don't know i don't know how that works with those old old pc games yeah yeah apparently like you can buy hard copies but some of the keys don't work and like good luck finding a battle for middle earth 2 key on google in 2023 i think you gotta go pirates of the caribbean on that one you just gotta like get it right you can crack it somehow. Like we used to do Sony Vegas back in the day. Hackers that we are.

Yes, all of our hackers using Sony Vegas for free. I paid for Sony Vegas. John was doing well. Also, I wanted support. It would fail during the rendering. So I was like, I'm gonna buy Sony Vegas so that i can get support turns out you buy sony vegas for like six hundred dollars or whatever it was like it was like that

every support call was 130 dollars what yeah i was like the fuck support doesn't come with the copy i'm the only person paying for this game and now you want to buy an Indian youtuber for that much money. Yeah You get some kind fiber figured out for you. Yeah Woody's takes a part I mean I'm going I bought it too. I bought it too but it was because I had crack I I had cracked it on a laptop. And I was trying to do it again on my PC.

And I kept failing somehow. Because I didn't know what I was doing, really. Again, I was following YouTube instructions. And I just got bored. I think I gave somebody control of my computer so they could come in and do it for me. And they fucked it up. They couldn't figure it out either. And so I just bought the fucking thing.

$600 I needed to edit. I never bought it. I just kept using the free bullshit one. And when it didn't run, you just tried again. I went through so many versions of free. Because there's not just Sony Vegas. There was Sony Studio or Sony RCR. There was eight different versions that would edit a video together.

Yeah, I guess Adobe Premiere mostly works. Yeah, I'll take that for free. The whole community used Sony Vegas, I think, because that's the first one Hutch discovered. Sure. That's why I used it. Hutch is like, you got to use it. He used to use, I forget

what he recorded with before the Hapage or whatever the good one was. Dazzle? I think it was a Dazzle. And with Dazzle, there was an editing software he used. I don't know what it was because I didn't come in in the SD days. I started when HD became a thing. And you had to use Sony Vegas.

It took more time, more better computer, et cetera. But, yeah, he's like, you need Vegas to edit HD. I'm like, more better computer, etc. He's like, you need Vegas to edit HD. I'm like, well, say no more. Yes, that's what I need. It wasn't HD anyway. I talk to Chocolate Thunder a lot because he's my only basketball friend.

He's too cool for me. He uses lots of like young people words like so we had a bet we had a five he's not as cool he's black so he's like yeah yeah chocolate so like he was like hey you know that five dollar bet we made is it off now that like your best player is hurt and i was like no i'm i'm still in it like yeah like i'm not trying to back out of this just because my player got hurt and then he says say less now intellectually i know say less means like we're in agreement we've come to terms this is cool but a 50 year

old me is like say less like that's rude i guess he doesn't want to hear what i have to say i'll just be quiet now what he's saying is you had me at hello yeah but there's like a hundred of those that come up where you know like i'll read it to my wife like what what could this mean he told me he was keeping it Milwaukee. Do you know what that means? No. Is it an Andrew Bush thing? Is he making it gay?

Man, there's like five levels to that shit. Here's what it is. He's probably... So, keeping it Milwaukee. Alright, that means so in Milwaukee, that's where the Bucs play. And a Buc is 100 cents.

And when you're keeping it 100, you're being real. So you go four inception layers deep of nonsense. And you let them know you're keeping it Milwaukee. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

I don't want to be this old and white to the point where I'm just like, come on, goddammit! You need to play with property! I feel like I'm Clint Eastwood with my pants up to my navel, yelling at a chair because I don't have enough riz and I'm not strapped with the beam, apparently.

And I never want to be voted with the scoff. No, we're all too old for that. And I never have and never will break it down sexual style. You're not going to bust it down sexual style. I'm going for a chat. There was another time he told me to say less. He hit me up personally and said, hey, can you give me a link to that? That like loworie syrup you guys

were talking about on the show? So I go through my purchase history. I find it. And I was like, this is how I buy it. There's 12 there. Here's a link. You can probably find it in smaller quantities. And he's like, say less. I'm like,

I guess I droned on too long. I'm like, my bad that's hilarious you're just having friendly conversations you're like delete your last sentence or something what did you do sorry

I tend to be a little overbearing I stopped talking for the rest of the day we didn't talk again until the following day I took it literally. Black people buy in bulk? Is it racist for me to tell them to buy in bulk?

I don't know. I don't know anymore. Just trying to be friendly. Well, I never. It just gets up from your computer, Lee. You probably know this, but Greg Doucette prefers probably because they don't have the shit we like in in canada but he prefers the um the angiomima or whatever like no sugary it's got a few more calories in it but and it doesn't taste

as good but it's got a better consistency i think and and um but i saw where he bought a palette of it he bought like he's got it in a video, and he said how much it was. And I remember there was thousands of something. It was either thousands of dollars, which is likely, or it was thousands of like serving. It was something crazy, but it was a pallet. It was many hundreds of bottles for sure.

It was absurd how much he had bought because he drizzles it on everything. That shit's great. I have the same kind he has. And it's tremendous that shit's great i have the same he has and it's tremendous and the thing about it is it's not real food so it lasts do you forever do you make that like french toast with the with the egg beaters no i haven't actually made that before i put the healthier syrup on unhealthy things here's what you do it's working all right here's what you do you go and you get the low calorie bread you can get this like a honey bean fucking 45 calorie per

slice bread um you can feel that it's like not as moist as normal bread like they've done something evil to this shit um leave it out on the counter so it gets stale and then crumble up into pieces put it in like a loaf pan and then in a in a bowl you mix you can eyeball this shit i don't measure it um but you pour in some egg beaters a little splash of milk cinnamon vanilla and like three big heaping spoonfuls of splenda i hit that shit with like a an electric uh whisk and drizzle it all over the the bread crumbs that are the bread chunks that are in the pan. And sometimes I'll put some like raisins on top or some almonds or something. But then I just bake that at 325, 350 degrees for like 25 minutes or until it looks right. I'll pull it out and tilt it sideways. And if like goo runs out, it's not done yet. I'll just

keep going. But eventually it turns into this huge pile of food. I mean, it's like, it's almost more than you can eat of it. And it's like a giant cake. And it's like protein. And it's, it's,

it ends up being like 180 calories of bread plus like 200 calories of egg. And it's a huge amount of food and of course you soak it with that fucking syrup and eat it with a fork out of the loaf pan i don't slice that shit up i eat the whole pan huh i need to try that really good and you can mix pumpkin in there to give it a better consistency like a spoonful of pumpkin puree which is good for you anyway pumpkins are good for you yeah it's fiber i always oh it's just fiber though our pumpkins are like there's some vitamins in there i always assume pumpkins were kind of bullshit yeah sweet potatoes that's that's good for you i've heard from from like really big muscular guys right they're the same as other

potatoes they're like identical to other potatoes yeah like like like the difference is negligible i think the sweet potato has a slight amount of like i don't't remember which, it's something you're never going to notice. I want to lay it out. Oh, me too. I like taters. Yeah. Okay.

I have baked potatoes with a dinner typically. And because dinner is the meal that has to get you till morning, which is a big ask. And, I needed to be satiating. Now it's not that a baked potato, this is a baked potato with nothing on it. I dip it in ketchup because Kyle told me to and it works.

But for the calorie, it handles hunger better than most things. Meat is good for you, but God, I could eat like a thousand calories of meat to get the same sort of hunger solving that a baked potato gives me. I get full off meat i feel way better than anything else like you just maybe i eat meat if i if i like was in a situation where i had like 300 more calories to go and it was like 4 p.m um i would make some oatmeal with like two packets of oatmeal it's like 300 calories or it's less than that and then i

would i usually mix in like a scoop of protein powder or some egg or some of those egg beaters and it makes it like when you microwave it it gets this enormous amount of disgusting volume it looks awful it looks awful i don't even know it it's like a oatmeal quiche and i hate quiche it's the worst thing you can do with oatmeal custard it's an oatmeal custard it is the worst thing you can do with eggs it takes crime against it's a crime against chicken and eggs i'd rather watch 10 million little baby boy chicks be ground to a pulp than eat a one bite of a quiche uh i like the rice better than the potatoes for just the simplicity and the ease of

measurement you know with potatoes you're like three more grams with rice it pours i don't know you scoop i can have a big bag of cooked rice um there's instant rice cups that i get that are like the perfect serving you micro you like tear the top off and microwave it for 30 seconds and you just have rice that you can quickly pour into a thing and get going um and and so many like like if i'm going hard in the paint like eating food as fuel and not as food anymore which is what eventually happens that's tough you mean towards the end of a cut or for strength like there's two ways that food is i mean if you if if i'm on a strict diet like a few

months into it like you just sort of get numb it's like being in the cold you get numb to the fact that you haven't had real food anymore and you start appreciating that that you get to eat sometimes all right well actually i mean the way i do it i'm sort of ramping calories up so spend a lot of my time nauseous from like eating too much oh this is during the packing on muscle phase yeah when it when you're eating more calories than you want of clean food like 2500 calories a day of just rice and and lean ground beef and spinach and peppers and and stuff like that is an enormous amount of volume yeah like like i i would be nauseous after oh the second meal of the day is often hard to get down like it's just just and it's probably just so fucking boring eating the same i've never

tasting thing over and over i would either this i would eat over the trash can it feels like a trust fall like all right supposedly my body gets better if i eat a lot. I'm like, fuck that. I don't think that'll work. Oh, yeah. When I first started with Derek, it was gaining weight right away. It was like, oh, now you're going to gain fat. It's like, I thought I'd lose fat and gain muscle. Nope, you're going to gain fat and muscles. Shit, there's no way around that.

Well, I mean, not if you want to gain as much muscle as possible. All right. So it's just like more and more calories. And like doing cardio is counterproductive at that point because I need that calorie surplus. How long were you on that diet? Almost a year, right? A year. A full year.

It seemed like longer. It seemed like there was a phase where it was like i'm making up months so don't lock it in but like you know i think in january we're gonna do like the photo shoot and that's gonna be like the peak then you're like you know what we can peak higher so february comes in and oh yeah yeah like it seemed like it went on for a long time. The pandemic had changed a few things, but it ended up being that... It ended up being it was just time. It was time to go. I had bulked for as long as I should be.

It had been nine months of bulking, and it was going to be three months of cutting to get around to a year. But yeah, nine months of just adding calories pretty consistently every week until I was up to that scary point of like 3,600 a day or something, like 35 or 36. I couldn't get 36 every day. There were definitely days where I was just like, no, no,

it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. Throw in a cake shake. You'll get there. It was already there. Like, we're not cake shakes. It was like, like, I was eating 20, like, around the clock. I would wake up in the night, eat a goddamn protein bar. Just, just all night long eating.

Every, every three hours I was eating. They do that all the time. I think it's Dairy Queen. It's a 2,600 calorie drink. It's not much bigger. I saw that, The Oreo Blizzard thing. Yeah, yeah. Dude, they need to put photos.

You know those cigarette photos? Pictures of Lizzo on the blister cup. Yeah, a picture of Lizzo. A picture of a rotted off diabetic foot on the side of a Frosty. If we're going to make fun of the smokers, how about we go for the number one? Who's the grand poobah of bad health in America? Is it smoking or is it fat?

It's fat. So we're going to make smokers and everybody else look at these awful pictures. Lung cancer is very survivable. You get yourself a Korean set of lungs, half price, all right? You're all good. Do you get two lungs for half price? Probably. On that creep show uh uh like

tv show we were watching there was this weight loss thing where the guy had found these weird eels in the amazon that sucked fat out of you and and he was like putting them on these gigantic fatties and sucking them down till they were sexy that was a that was a pretty fun episode i like that one that was a funny one it was did that guy not look like boogie i thought like a svelte boogie i i swear to god i'm not even kidding when it when that episode started i was like that boogie i thought it was i thought because you know he does youtube i thought maybe he could he could be in the show for all i know yeah i thought it was him for a second i have to to rethink about it, but yeah, now that I'm picturing him, he does.

It's the weight loss episode of Creepshow. That was one of the halfway decent episodes where it's like, oh, so I see what's happening immediately, but let's see how much gore there is as it pans out. Yeah, yeah. That's most of these Creepshows, where it's like someone walks into

a room and is like, I'm here to pick up my car, and there's someone who's like someone walks into a room and is like i'm here to pick up my car and there's someone who's like not here you're not and it's like okay well it's him it's him i'm so positive it's him and yeah like first thing how it goes you know there's a bunch of fatties and the and this guy's showing him this seminar and uh he he spells it out he's like look i found some scary ass eels in the amazon river basin and they live on fat we uh we attached them it's painless and they suck all your fat out this is what i used to look like and and the one dude boogie is like nah no thanks i'm out of here but then he sees the fat chick that was with him in there like the next day and she's fixed she's like thin and sexy

like has a nice ass like she's just like yeah didn't even hurt no big deal and she's eating a chili dog or something like she's pigging out she doesn't care and at that moment i was like damn dude maybe you did fuck up and i'm watching the show i'm what i know it's called creep show i know what's coming and still still, I'm like, damn. Bet you feel like a dummy now. Bet you feel like a fat retard sitting there. Well, then he goes back. He's like, come on up.

I'm in. I'm in. He's like, well, we don't really have a spot left, except we are doing Good Morning America tomorrow. We want someone to have the eels thrown on them live on the air. Would you like to do that? It's like, yeah, not really. Well, I don't know what else I can do for you.

And he agrees to it. So they're live on the air. And it turns out that the eels weren't just sucking the fat out of people. They were also laying their eggs in them. So everybody just started exploding with writhing eels, except for Boogie, because he was, you know, happy with his you know large and largeness i guess and or just the least willing to have eels suck on him yeah he wasn't happy with

that he was at the office to get fixed you know he was there to get fixed he was on that table yeah yeah it was pretty it was pretty gory lots of lots of there was one where there was one that had a great premise but it it wasn't it didn't like pan out very well story often told with these anthologies it was like a all flex it was like a live access tv uh tv channel like studio and they've got a bob ross guy and they're gonna cancel bob ross's show but like bob ross you realize is like a a u.s marine corps veteran from nam and he's got the fucking tats all over him and and they kind of hint that this painting thing is all that's keeping him kind of grounded we really wanted to and they're like you're fired and he's like oh well isn't that

a disappointment can i finish the last painting yeah yeah. Yeah, you can. He's just so chill about it. And then zombies attack. Actually, not zombies. It's Evil Dead scenario with the Necronomicon. And Sam Raimi's brother is there, who's the creator of the Evil Dead series. He's getting the Necronomicon appraised on their antique roadshow thing they've got going on.

Everybody turns into monsters, and then the Vietnam vet comes out and kills everybody. But it was a real letdown. I needed him to be much more hardcore and a lot less silly. At one point, he takes a lawnmower or maybe some sort of implement, and he uses it to shoot silver dollars at the monsters, and I was just upset. I was really hoping for

yeah i was really hoping for like a scary vietnam what i wanted was him to go full vietnam vet kill all the monsters and they're and he's just like and then they weren't monsters he just snapped right i want that to be like it's just children are crying women have their heads bashed he just slaughtered the whole studio because they took his job and he snapped like i wanted that to be the whole episode that would be that would be a better episode yeah i also watched the um the loch ness monster episode that i think you liked that one i didn't care for that one it was one of the semi-serviceable ones it was all right. The abusive stepfather and the annoying kids.

They're lucky that stepdad wasn't fucking them. They should have just dealt with it. Oh, does he want to take a... Anyway. It was one of those scenes where like, it's such an unbelievably evil stepdad that it's like, you're actively taking me out of it

because no one would treat a child this way. He's a Disney villain. He's drunk, but he's not even wanting to go do his own thing drunk. He's like, and another fuck you little kid. Just mean berating children. I guess your daddy wouldn't, an idiot after all. Avatar did that too. Yeah, and he's so obviously not helping the home,

the family. He's just causing property damage and assaulting people. This is literally Disney villain. He's like the stepdad from Sling Blade. God, I love Sling Blade. I need to rewatch Sling Blade. I call it a Kaiser Blade. Call it a Kaiser Blade.

What the roadfellers use for clearing brush and such? Like how you casually just keep saying that. Have you been watching Ukraine? The developments? I always watch Ukraine. Who's winning the match? Well, I think the Ukrainians are currently winning,

but on the KD side, I've seen reports that say the Ukrainians have lost well over 100,000 men. The Russians have lost over 200 000 men um and uh i don't know if any new weapon systems have showed up or anything but mostly this week it just seems like oh i know that there was a storm shadow strike on a barracks that killed like 400 recruits and Russians. Storm Shadow. I've seen more like seven to one, eight to one in Ukraine's favor. But I don't trust any numbers. Everything I see is propaganda for one side or the other.

I don't know what the truth is. I find it interesting. Kyle and I like different things. Kyle's really into the weapon systems and how they work and what's effective and what's not. To me, they're usually just an alphabet soup of nonsense. It's not my passion. I like the tactics and the strategy. Lately, Ukraine has been attacking Russia. Not Russians in Ukraine, but across the border into Russia.

If humans are going to go in, they have like Russian, I guess, civil war-ish, you know, insurrectionists or whatever that are going into Russia and trying to kill Russians. If the Ukrainians are going to do it directly, they don't cross the border with their people, but they cross with their missiles. And I don't know what a drone,

missile guided bomb, drone, whatever. And so now they're attacking like deep into russia hundreds of kilometers in moscow they sent drones into moscow with no warheads just to send a message yeah do you remember we talked a while ago about that drone that blew up the russian flag on top of the kremlin um but it wasn't really meant to do a ton of damage. They just right next to the flag and blew up to say, I can. It turned out that that was the Ukrainians who did it. It wasn't a false flag. Now they're sending drones and smashing them into apartment buildings with no warheads.

Just to say, keep fucking around. You'll find out. And I'm very much into the tactics. I think you're all drones um sorry to start over you were coming back um there's mushroom clouds i i i heard the explosions um i think if they didn't go off one of the reasons they were hitting those buildings is because they were repelled from the the base that they were all aimed at by electronic warfare systems. I might have been falling for

propaganda. I heard they were attacking apartment buildings with no warheads to say I can. They hit those apartment buildings and blew up. I saw the windows blown out and big explosions. You can see video of explosions and mushroom

clouds. The mushroom cloud shit, yes, you can see like video of like i don't know explosions and mushroom clouds you know what i mean well the mushroom cloud shit like yes you can also see that but those are military targets the civilian targets i thought they intentionally didn't blow up but maybe i'm a sucker that's entirely possible yeah i don't think they were going for civilian targets it's the reports that i saw and again and nobody probably knows except for whoever launched those drones um they made it seem that they were launched at the russian base where aircraft were but the um some sort of electronic warfare system at the base sort of defended it sent the drone back the other way into and they on the map it kind of made sense oh okay that i could be misinformed but i think they're attacking russia two things one is it's a supply line and there's barracks and shit like that also i think they're attacking russia two things one is it's a supply line and there's

barracks and shit like that also i think they're trying to make russia defend herself instead of just being all offense and that is perhaps in preparation for the big counter-attack that they want to launch yeah so that they don't have fucking every russian available on the front lines that they have to deal with instead spread, spread them out and make them defend Russia itself or herself. Yeah, that makes tons of sense. Yeah, the Storm Shadow is a British missile. It's a thousand pound bomb that has like a couple hundred mile range. And it's stealthy, so it's hard to detect.

And they've used them a couple times now to hit uh russian barracks um full of troops and both times i've heard that it's three or four hundred died because it seems like they're storing their goddamn explosives in the basement of these barracks as you do yeah yeah if you uh watch the infographics channel on youtube that's named the channel they do like animation and they've got no chill they're like the russians have always been bad but this is just humiliating and the cartoon putin is like he's like oh he's all angry and stuff like they're really one-sided with it with the coverage like as far as their point of view. Although, I guess, there's only one side committing war crimes against

civilians. There's just that one side. If those phone intercepts aren't all propaganda, then it's just nothing but Russian soldiers laughing and joking about murdering civilians, just killing everything

they see. Every radio intercept i ever hear they're just like yeah we just kill them all we kill them all women children i saw a mother shot in front of both of her children they said eliminate the and they've got like i don't know like slurs for ukrainians the fucking roscovites or whatever they fucking call them um roscovites i don't fucking know i'm reading like cyrillic and shit i'm trying to like interpret what they're saying so it's the real uphill battle for you yeah just looking at cyrillic trying to ascertain what it could mean just so the donbass region had people who spoke russian and they say ethically Russian to my eye, they all look the same, but whatever. And, um, um, there was a, not a majority, but like an almost majority,

right? Like MAGA or something, right? Like not technically more, but a lot, um, who even wanted to be Russian who, or maybe it's want to be Russian combined with want to be independent, like, you know, who would voluntarily leave Ukraine. I wonder if they could poll now how that would change. Is it true that they're stealing Ukrainian babies and bringing them into Russian families? Or is that just so evil's twirling mustache that they're saying that? Yeah, I would wager that that sounds not true.

But we don't know. We don't know anything. The rape, I would wager that's true. Maybe some guy whose wife was raped by a russian soldier no longer likes russia as much as he used to just yeah there's there's no way to know yeah following it you either get totally pro-nato western propaganda or totally pro-russian like for Russian propaganda. I don't really follow that much. I'm just like, because I'll see anything about it and I'm like,

I have no idea. I don't know. What is true typically is the troop movements, like the front line. It's both sides. So you can look at the propaganda and the maps that both sides create and they tend to line up really well. At worst, one of them admits ground was taken you know 16 hours slower yeah stuff like that like i bet you can with satellites

and whatnot you can track pretty real like they have that map and whatnot i mean every time that map i pull that map back up i'm like all right has anything changed i don't i cannot tell if anything's changed since the last time other than like the one city or Bakhmut yeah Ukrainians apparently have taken a couple of blocks of that back and I'm like was that the idea to actually go like pile of rubble by pile of rubble and take Bakhmut back I thought you can do

something clever like surround it and make them all leave voluntarily I don't know I have no idea that seems like too easy that seems like almost a video game tactic where like you'd be like we have you surrounded and rush is like fuck they got us like like they during last falls counter offensive it worked like that that's when i learned about operational surrounding like they would just i don't know why you know picture a big you know coastline but it's a front line they pierce into two sides and the middle runs for it and i'm like

wait a minute aren't aren't we surrounded too like what why is my surrounding trump you're surrounding i don't i don't understand um and that operational surrounding is when you know i've got three sides of you when i make you go to the other my artillery just bangs you as you try to escape um that's operationally surrounding them because you're not literally surrounding them but uh anyway i'm just bad i didn't realize how much i sucked at war tactics and strategy it you know like it's hard yeah i've never played the harpsichord and i'm completely aware i'd be terrible at it. I've never conducted war, but for some reason I thought I'd be half decent. You know, I'm a clever folk.

It turns out, no, I would get my ass kicked by people who were good at war. You think about like... I used to think that reading about Alexander the Great because you would read like, oh, and these tactics he used in the battlefield and and surrounding them or using these special formations and surprising them.

And like my stupid, you know, 19 year old brain or whatever it was when I was reading that for college was like, this stuff isn't even hard. Anybody would like know to do this. And it's like, no, dumbass. Like, like, you don't just become a guy who's known for thousands of years as the greatest military tactician in history by being like, guys, the secret is to bring more men. Like, no one is like that is impressed. Or like Romans. I often hear like, oh, yeah, yeah. So they had bigger shields, and then they would hold their shields next to each other and they were just impenetrable. There was no way to challenge them.

And I'm like, well, I could think of that. I don't know why that was hard to replicate. Like the first time you lose to it, they should come back. Like the survivors should be like, all right, turns out using trash can lids as shields. Terrible strategy. Let's get actual shields that are body like. let's get actual shields that are body like the greek like phalanx was more to like take on like other groups of professional uh soldiers right so like you outreached them like the other pro army like wasn't as well trained the thing that like like rome had the best army because

they were the only like power at the time that had a standing army. No one else just had an army all the time. And when Rome wasn't fighting wars, which was rare, or they were giving certain divisions rest, they would have them build roads. And so they were always doing something. And Rome was able to beat superior forces sometimes because they could reinforce so much faster because it turns out having roads is enormously beneficial. And so you get into a resource battle with the Roman Empire, it's not going to go well. You're trudging stuff through the woods

and they have a road system. They also had a professional army. That was the thing. Yeah, the professional army. Very important. Building their roads and everything. Yeah, Roman Empire was very neat. All that ancient Romeome ancient greece so cool so much of our like modern understanding of thought comes from then

so long ago empire building now is interesting i don't always get it like we'll dump a ton of money into some other country now it's ukraine but it's been other countries other times and i'm like what do we get for this? Oh, no, no. We get like a soft return. They owe us one, like a mobster. And we can call in that favor later. I'm like, what favor are we going to call into Ukraine that's worth a quarter trillion?

Yeah. I don't know. Oh, my God. It's not going to benefit us. It doesn't benefit normal Americans. We're so benefited. All right, first of all, American companies are looking great right now.

It's American companies that make all that shit that's killing Russians. It's gangbusters. The javelins, they can't make them fast enough. They want more. The supply line can't keep up. It's a bit of a problem because so many of our defense contractors, there's only five now.

There's five defense contractors in the United States. There used to be like 30 or 40. They've all consolidated down because mostly because during the war against terror, we didn't need this plethora. We need five different companies making a missile system. We needed the missile system to do the thing. They didn't need a vast supply of weapons. They didn't really need a supply chain that could produce weaponry for a prolonged battle, like a war, like what's happening in Ukraine right now. So it's going to be interesting to see how the supply line stuff here at home changes because eventually we're going to have to start

making enough for us and them. But as far as what it's getting us oh my god russia russia squashed one of our greatest one of our greatest opponents in the world looks like shit their army looks like shit their materials look like shit they're not going to be selling nearly as much i was talking the other day about how they were so they were exporting 11 billion a year in arms and then last year it was like? What do you think it's going to be next year, this year? It's going to be nothing.

And their fuel is capped at, what, 60 a barrel? So they're not able to really make those kind of profits from the fuel sector, which is their main other export. And then all the other sanctions. They can't get the circuit boards and the chips, the little whoosie what's-its that go into advanced electronics to make them go.

They're going to have a hard time making new tanks. How are they going to get new thermal sites for a tank? I don't know what goes into making a thermal site, but I know when I make one in a video game, it's a lot. Imagine it's enormously difficult and you have to be very smart. But moreover, I don't know what the long-term thing is going to be i know ukraine wants to be nato proper they want to be under the the united states nuclear umbrella they want to be the the the they don't want to be some buffer state that that's a half in nato half out warsaw

pact state and then this quasi fucking they want to to be one of them. They want to have the same Article 5 protections that Poland has. And that might be a bridge too far. So it's going to be interesting to see how things progress. Because the war is going to end. And the battle lines probably are going to change much more than they are, in my opinion. Who was it who was saying it wants to be full NATO Ukraine, you said?

Yes, yes, of course. Somebody just became it. One of the... Sweden? Finland? Maybe Finland. I think Sweden maybe was already... One of those lands. yes yes of course somebody just became it was i one of the notes sweden is it finland maybe finland i think sweden maybe was already one of those lands it was just finland yeah it was it um so russia's goal of like stopping nato expansion kind of not working out oh everything look you don't have to sometimes when a politician or a world leader does something, I think, they know more than I know, and they're smarter than me,

and they got a whole team of guys that are also smarter than me, and all those guys know more than I know. I probably don't see all the sides of this one. This isn't one of those times. I think this guy fucked up. Putin clearly fucked up. He was in a much better position two years ago. So much better position a couple of years ago.

I've seen a lot of things about he wanted to take Kiev in three days. There was the whole thing with the special forces attack on the airport. 48 hours, right? 48 hours special military operations. Yeah, 72 was what the war plan said. They had this battle at the airport

where U.S. intelligence, of course, is the best in the world. So we're like, hey, they're going to battle at the airport where um u.s intelligence of course is the best in the world so we're like hey they're gonna land at your airport with special forces at nine and so they're waiting but they lost anyway the russian special forces fucking parachuted in killed all the ukrainians more ukrainians were waiting though they had backup ukrainians so those went in killed all the russians then more Russians came and killed all the Ukrainians. And while they were there, they started taking all the bulldozers off the landing strip that were obstructing and keeping the planes full of other Russians from landing. So the planes start landing. They killed all those Russians.

They killed all the Russians that came and all the Russians that kept coming until there were no more Russians at the airport. And from there on, it was kind of a fuck because they weren't going to be able to take the airport. And from there on, it was kind of a fuck. Because they weren't going to be able to take the airport. They weren't going to be able to flood troops into the city. And they didn't have any sort of supply chain set up. Because they thought it was a three-day war. So there's no reason to have huge

chain lines of fuel, food, stuff like that. Dude, did they eat lunch? Alright. They got a backup meal. We're eating in Kiev tonight, boys. What are we talking about food? I mean, if you're going on a three-day trip, you probably don't pack trucks

and trucks of munitions and food and this and that and defensive weapons too. So then they got stuck on that fucking highway, right? That 40, 60 kilometer convoy or whatever it was. They had to sit there idling because those big diesel tanks can't just start and stop so they had to idle they all ran out of fuel they didn't have the air defense systems turned on at times because they were

either out of fuel or leaving them on meant wasting fuel it's a catch-22 either way you're fucking and they just bombed all that shit also drones the russian fighters didn't want to fight so like kyle runs out of fuel and i'm like wait a minute kyle doesn't have to fight suddenly i'm taking a dagger to my own gas tank and now i'm out of fuel i don't have to fight and that's partly how the ukrainians got all those fucking tanks because the russians abandoned them either they ran out of fuel naturally or they just repair the gas tank diesel tank and uh it was good to go again a year and a half ago the unspace um the ukrainians were sending um intelligence officers spies into russia proper and into belarus just to take a look at the the build-up of arms that was going on. And the report back said that they saw troops

selling fuel and ammunition and explosives for vodka and cigarettes. They said that that was rampant. That the troops there believed they were on an exercise into Belarus. They had no idea they were in Ukraine. They were just, many of them, the vast majority of them had no idea they had in ukraine they were just many of them the vast majority of them had no idea they

had just invaded another country they thought they were in neighboring belarus their friend doing a military exercise pretending to invade somewhere and so no no food no ammo i've seen so much of their gear that looks shitty again it's probably propaganda i bet they've got gear but it's it's not uh they're not looking like the second best army in the world which is kind of the the talking point that all of ukraine youtube is is going with right now that russia is the second best army in ukraine not the second best army in the world ah yes it's a good line yeah it is. It's a fascinating war. I keep up on it every single day. And the Ukrainians have proven to be quite clever.

Ah, so the rail system beneath Kiev was built during the Cold War. And it is much deeper than a rail system would ever need to be because it's meant to be a nuclear fallout shelter. But the whole of Kiev is like this network of armored tunnels underneath that the whole population can go into for shelter. And there's even more stuff for the president or the guy in charge in Kiev. He's got this

crazy bunker network that he can get down into. But they talked about all of the assassination attempts against Zelensky. And it just seems like time and time again, American intelligence is like, just knows,

just knows. Yeah. Just always knows. Like, there's two or three spy movies. I bet that can be made about four fuckers. They got sent into Kiev to kill that guy. They're in Syria right now.

Zelensky speaks to Congress and they deliver. So I remember early on, right? The Russians are coming. They're taking the airport. so they're in syria right now zielinski speaks to congress and they deliver so i remember it early on right the russians are coming they're taking the airport the united states offers to evacuate zielinski and he's like what no the russians are coming to me i don't need a ride i need some guns and it was like it gives me tingles like motherfucker was ready to die for his country well they had seen what had happened um where was it where afghanistan where as soon as the president whatever he was left so did his sort of like circle and then the whole government fell without a fight like they had just seen that erzalinski at least had and the u.s and everyone else was

asking him to leave but all that you know what would have happened the whole thing would have fallen apart and he'd have lived in exile somewhere he'd be over here on twitter he'd be on zelinski on twitter and convincing someone else to fight for him yeah unsuccessfully very unsuccessfully uh but instead he stayed behind and he saved his country and they're going to end up with some sort of peaceful solution that ends up probably like north korea or something with a dmz mind the fuck up and missile systems on either side you think it'll like eventually it'll like carve out somewhere where the lines are now i think the line i think dmz i think the line's just about done moving i think the line's

going to be about where it is right now they keep talking about this spring offensive but man i i i don't know i don't know about all that it just seems to me the russians have been spending the last year digging trenches and placements pouring concrete and planting mines and and i don't care how many like fancy u.s systems you have there's just not a way to brute force your way through that or to expertise your way through it or to smart your way through it without i mean how do you pop those minds while under artillery fire right like it's not like they're just gonna let you go into their minefields and start slowly sweeping them you've got if you're gonna make a rapid advance that's a surprise attack how do you get through minefields like that and and all that i don't know i don't

see that happening what's your guesstimation? What's your, your professional viewers assumption on when this will wrap up? Oh, wrap up as in like, like, as in there are new lines drawn. The Don Bass is Russian now and everything else is in NATO or whatever happens. Oh,

maybe, maybe next time this year, maybe next time they're going to do another winter. They'll do another winter, uh, for sure. Um, and, uh, and we'll see how that goes for either side. If it gets into winter and it's a situation where Russia can't feed and

clothe and hypothermia is a problem like it was this last winter, I saw like five Russians huddling together. And then when the grenade went off, only one of them moved. They were all hypothermic already. They're already dead. Yeah. Or dying. There's a reason to fuck death out there. And I saw so many guys like left in fields and shit. the grenade went off only one of them moved they were all hypothermic already already dead yeah or dying death out there and i saw so many guys like left in fields and shit um i don't know we'll see how another winner goes i don't know where i'm just an armchair youtube kind of kind of viewer

but don't let that stop you i know slightly less than kyle i refuse to it sounds like he's an armchair youtuber that's more qualified than me but uh i think the spring offense is gonna work i think they're gonna pound into russia separate the troops and then they're gonna go through the russians will then like maripol that you're just making up words so maripol's on the right in the middle if they were to like pierce the trader maripol they would make it all the way to the sea yeah and then and then they won't be able to supply from Crimea anymore. I think that'll happen. And well, I don't know.

I just they had so much success with the last offensive. The Russians don't have the same incentive system. They don't even want to be there. They're not motivated. They're going to retreat like crazy. And then that is going to undermine Putin. And he's going to be more concerned about home than Ukraine. So early in the war, the CIA director flew to moscow and spoke to his counterpart um and the whole point of the trip

was to outline the united states response to tactical nuclear weapons being used in ukraine proper nobody knows what what they were told but it seems to have kind of backed them off that that hasn't happened yet thank goodness don't you kind of want to see it no no no don't be crazy hang on stick with me hear me out hear me out don't you just want to see a little one go off yeah kind of here's what i want here's what i want. Biden takes the documents back into whatever his version of Mar-a-Lago is, uses his force field to declassify

them, and then shares them. What documents? Whatever classified documents explain this plan. I just want to know what the plan was. I'm going to need to see it in action. I think you're not getting the reference. The attack plan for Iran, there are leaked audio recordings of trump saying that he has classified attack plan

against iran and he wishes that he could show him to more people but they're still classified that's okay apparently what the audio says we're going to want the man now jesus it was just a plan we probably have a plan for everybody and uh I would like there's probably one for Russia. Biden. Declassify it. You got a little dossier on every country that decides they want to sell their shit not on the dollar. We've been in war with Iran for a long time.

Literally, yes. Ah, Saddam, my friend. I'm going to sell my oil not on the dollar. He's a mad man. Crazy. Remember when Trump killed that Iranian general? Yes. So Bush and Obama could have killed that guy at any time,

but they were afraid to because of potential Iranian reprisal. That guy flew into Baghdad with all his boys, and they land at the airport. We've got three predators over the airport. We told the Iraqis that they were unarmed surveillance drones for airport security. We watch him land his plane. He hops off, him and his boys in two SUVs.

They drive off on the side road, fire three missiles, two at his vehicle, one at the one behind it. They fucking vaporize. There's just nothing left. All like 12 or 15 of them fucking gone. He's been the general there. He was the guy in Iran who was running all their little projects outside Iran, all those little fingers in pies, whether it's in Palestine or in South America.

He's a real rabble rouser um killed him he'd been doing that for 20 years all of his boys and then iran did the most one of the the most like bitch made sort of like oh you can't do that does they clearly called like egypt or somebody some kind of go-between and they're like we're gonna shoot at that american base over there in some middle eastern country i don't remember which yemen or wherever the fuck it doesn't matter we're gonna shoot that base at like 3 p.m they were like make it five yes sir and then and then like we moved all of our shit out like like not just our people but the aircraft and everything and everybody else went down in a bunker they shelled the shit out of it and that was it that was it that was a huge w for trump i thought when he first

shot the guy i was like i'm concerned maybe you don't like a dog world leader maybe they take out one of ours at leo that Could this escalate? Whatever. And then, like Kyle said, it was a huge W, the smallest of L's if you even call it that, and then it settled. Some people got concussions at the base. Oh, no.

Well, that's, you know, CTE, it's not a joke. I mean, it's not, but hey, it's still... Light sensitivity? David Perron has to wear a tinted visor. Taylor, you're wrong. I make CTE jokes all the time. It's not a joke. I mean, it's not, but hey, it's still... Light sensitivity? David Perron has to wear a tinted visor. Taylor, you're wrong. I make CTE jokes all the time. It was funny. They were like, the Iraqis demanded that the drones leave. And they were like,

so two did. And then one stayed behind to take pictures of the smoldering wreckage because Mr. Trump wanted to make sure. Insult to injury. He's like, no more pictures. Make it cool. Like, I don't think we need a rocket this big.

We do. I just find it interesting that I don't want one finger available for burial. Not one finger for burial, people. So we have a rocket that's meant to minimize collateral damage. There's no explosives on board. It's just a very fast, heavy rocket, and it has gigantic blades that come out in four different directions, like a broadhead you would shoot a deer with. And it just cuts the people in the car into shreds.

You can probably find a picture of it, Zach. Dude, that's mean-spirited. It's so fucking cool. Dude, it's like shooting them with giant swords. Dude, I would so much rather be blown up than be severed. Oh, for sure. 1,000%.

Just blow my ass up. Soleimani style, if the government's taking me out. Don't send a bunch of shurikens at me through a plane. At first, I didn't understand why they wanted F-16s. It was like, man,

it seems like you need a fleet of them things and, you know, to do anything and you need pilots. It's about the weapons that attach, right? It's a platform for shooting all the fancy missiles that we have. Look at this piece of shit. Look at the comparison to a man. This is absurd. We're spending too much

money. Dude, if you put me in charge of a warhead, I'd be like, just a tube with knives on it. And that's what they're doing. Here's the best part. The new missiles, especially the anti-ship missiles, but probably this thing, because why not, have

advanced artificial intelligence. They have advanced artificial intelligence. So it doesn't matter if they jam them in some way. They have advanced artificial intelligence. So it doesn't matter if they jam them in some way. Now that's a different story. Six blades all the way around. Now this is what we need to take on our enemies around the globe.

Is six Wesley Snipes attached to a rock. I feel like they put Gillette in charge of the R&D. We need to put more blades on this. Six huge blades! Six huge blades. I don't know. Man, we paid $10 million each for these blades.

These are dog shit. They're just low-quality razors. That's so awesome. But yeah, we've got so many crazy missiles and things that can attach to that F-16 to launch. I told you the other day about how they used an F-15 to shoot a satellite that one time. And I thought at first it was because,

oh, maybe the F-15 goes high. No, they shot a missile that goes 300 goddamn miles into space. Dude, we're going to unveil really impressive lasers at some point out of nowhere. And people are going to be like, whoa! You know what I mean by lasers. The problem is they're huge. Like a

shooting laser. Like a blaster, basically. They've got these lasers. I've seen they've got one that they put in the back of a giant cargo plane. There's a huge apparatus to power the fucker and another one on a boat.

And when it shoots, it's don't imagine that the light turning on and slowly burning a thing. It just, the thing exploded. Like they shot this like plate of metal that was floating on a buoy in the water. And it just went boom and like exploded into sparks when they like shot. We'll have like a,

we'll have like a rifle that can do that in 10 years. We do. Let's call it gun but with lasers with lasers yeah what's the downside the way powerful hotter visible what if they got a mirror intimidating dude it's gonna blow right it's gonna be a really powerful laser oh new chinese ships very shiny very shiny ship you're right okay well maybe bullets are the right move everyone put your safety glasses on god damn it i'm not going through this again every fucking dolphin and a whale in the sea is goddamn blind let's just stick to blowing people up god damn it isn't that good enough? Yeah, that's our core competency. Well, that's a shame. I could do another four hours.

Enjoyed it. Enjoyed it. Hungry. Did I miss ads? You did. Yeah, you were away. Knocked them out. My mistake. All right.

TK, 350. Come like a man. And all of our narcotic wonders.