Painkiller Already - PKA 652 W/Vito: CATGASM!, What Tentacles Are Used For, How Important Is A Woman’s Career

Episode Date: June 17, 2023

pka 652 with our guest veto taylor this episode of pka brought to you by lock and load real dbg.com and freeze pipe three wonderful sponsors we'll hear more about later we've got veto esteemed co-host of the biggest problem in the universe podcast co-hosted of course by dick masterson thank you for joining us well thanks for having me i'm excited to finally be here a lot of the pka fan base crosses over with our biggest problem in the universe podcast and they're always like why is veto not on pka and i'm like i don't know we'll make time for it and i i guess we have finally done that here today we finally have yeah i get badgered all the time to be like think of another problem go back on the

biggest problem come back on we need guests and you're it was a great episode which if you like for for kyle and woody's benefit can you explain the premise of the the biggest problem. Come back on. We need guests. And it was a great episode. Which if you like for Kyle and Woody's benefit, can you explain the premise of this? Yeah. Biggest problem in the universe is literally trying to decide what the biggest problem in the universe is. So each week, the hosts and our guests, we each bring in different problems. It can be nuclear war. It can take be taking a big shit. It rips up your asshole a little bit. And then you have to argue about it and be like, this is why this is the biggest problem.

This is why child support is the biggest problem in the universe. Whatever. A little bit of an argument. And then, of course, the audience gets to vote on the problems. They go up and down on the leaderboard depending on whatever. So it's got a fun interactive element, you know, bringing up different problems. People decide which ones. It sucks when you bring in your problem and it ends up like downvoted all the way to hell

what's what's the worst that's my biggest problem that is that is the biggest problem is losing the episode there's a bit of a competitive uh competitive aspect to it which is fun too uh and dick takes it very seriously obviously with everything yeah and i love i love dick's problems of like he he does a great job of shutting down your attempts at sincerity sometimes he'll be like he'll bring something of a genuine problem and he'll be like my problem is everyone needs to lose 20 pounds he's like no no exceptions everyone could stand to lose or he'll bring in things because he knows that and i'll have like some weird he always has this like meta narrative or whatever where he goes my problem is the civil rights act and i'm like dick no you can't come on he's like no no no but

here is and he has like this weird convoluted thing about government intersecting with whatever and then i'm like please don't vote up the civil rights act for the love of god it's hard enough to get i literally i tried to get a guest on the show and he's like, some of these problems lack of blackface. And I'm like, well, it's actually convoluted the whole thing. Dick just wanted to find a way to put lack of blackface

in the civil rights movement in the list. Yeah, exactly. You know where you see a ton of blackfaces in the military? When it's practical, everybody's like, get it on there man like can you imagine the one soldier like we're seal team six going in at dark and the one guy's like guys this is super fucking insensitive come on you see that in the in the navy seal like commercials is they could be fighting on the moon black of the blackest night and they still have green stripes because

even the military even at your most dire moment they're like are you ready whoa throw a green stripe in there private like it's dangerously close to al jolson the king of blackface in the 1920s he really made his bones deep blackface reference there good god. He really made his bones... Deep blackface reference there. Good God, I'm like, what does the guy who made his high school rings have to do with any of this? What are you, a fucking grand dragon? How do you know that? That left

one, I like that. That's like a Spartan helmet painting on there. You know, there's one black soldier. There's one guy off to the side going, you guys are way too comfortable putting this on. It seems like you're a little practiced at this. Hand me the red so I can do my lips. No, no, no, no, no, no.

That guy's like, should I do something? Just close your eyes and don't smile. You just have the green paint. This guy doesn't look tired to me, for real. He looks like he's faking it for Getty Images. You know what I mean? Look at his eyes. They're all white and clear. I don't think he's fucking tired.

Some of these soldiers are faking their shell-shocked-ness for a photo op. I think that's a huge problem. What is this? What army is this? This is some sort of like Southeast Asian army I bet this is like the Singapore bad boys

alright I was gonna he's got a Chinese e-intest stuck on an RPG 7 I mean it's kind of neat right it's kind of a neat face paint to be scary with is it a little looks like day of the dead it looks like they're gonna serve me a churro.

When, when I play, it's not very scary. When I played baseball, we went out and there was a debate and was like, all right, are we going to cut the sleeves off the jerseys or not? And I was like, guys, look at our arms. Like we're 13 here. I don't think we're not intimidating anyone is what's kind of my point. And everybody's like, no, no, cut them off. We like, like, we look like such a bunch of pussies out there.

And we lost like three games. We only placed 12 or 16. We lost a lot. That's a lot. Did you, did you had skinny little 13 year old arms coming out of enormous arm hole? I got like a Jim Penny. A problem was we lost, right?

Like, like you don't start on day one with the sleeves cut off, and you also don't start on day one with your face painted like you came out of Black Ops 3. Like, get a few kills under your belt first, you know what I mean? Like, the whole squad's painted up like that. I don't know. You don't think so? I was gonna go to my first open basketball game ever, and I've already bought the two full sleeve

things. You already got the tats. You got the tats. Ball is tats ball is life yeah so the uh something i always enjoy about you and dick is somehow you always have beef with with everyone online you're just causing problems fighting and the world the world of comic books i'm i i'm nothing i've never read a comic book like my my friend groups growing up, nobody had comic books. It's like a blind spot of my whole childhood. And so I had a fun time watching you and Dick kind of tear down this comic that you guys have all been poking fun at online.

Can you give us a background of what that was about? Yeah, I'll give it to you. So one topic that comes up on our show a lot is this whole idea of woke marketing versus anti-woke marketing so you know the left started off and they're like look skittles are gay now buy some gay skittles now i go to target buy a bunch of gay okay which is we all know it's like a little obnoxious it's like yeah okay do you guys really care about gay people are you just trying to make money is this just marketing you know whatever you can argue it up and down. But then we started getting into the

anti-woke marketing where we now see, hey, did you hear Hershey's chocolate bars are gay? And then Daily Wire goes, buy our anti-woke chocolate bar. The only chocolate bar that doesn't have pronouns, bro. And it's like 50 bucks for a chocolate bar.

And we're like, this is the same grift they're doing the same thing they're just doing it in reverse it's not marketing a product based on the quality of the product as we should want to buy quality products but instead like hey if you buy this you're winning an ideological political war against your enemies. It's high school. The official candy bar of the KKK. Right. It's high school all over again. We've all got to wear the right brand. Yeah, you all got to support...

JNCO jeans? Why did you sit on that side of the room? This snake sale supports the junior girls varsity and if you don't buy this brownie, you basically hate our school. Yeah, it's that. It's tribalism being entered into products,

which is silly. And if you're an adult, you should just buy the best one you can get for your money. You shouldn't really care. Did Bud Light put a gay person on the can? Okay, well, if you like drinking Bud Light, I don't know why you liked it to begin with, but that should not really influence your beer purchasing decision, is my argument. What does and what should, because I'll give you an example.

I always bought the Dolphin Safe Tuna. Now I don't think there's Dolphin Danger Tuna anymore, but back in the day, I guess there was. And any product that says they'll donate to animals or something like that, I'll buy. But if Pringles is like 10 of your fucking money goes to a heroin addict i'm switching to lays like i am gonna i'm gonna speak with my dollar to some extent in this pseudo-capitalistic market we're in yeah support does mean little to me i i was thinking about it like when i was in high school i was really into cycling you know i had that i wrote like 250 miles a week and I had the tight clothes and all the thing.

I was gay. So cycling is a super unpopular sport. It's way more popular to make fun of cycling than to actually ride your bike. I check. True. And so the rare company that actually sponsored Lance Armstrong or whatever, Greg LeMond back at the time, I'd be like, all right, you know, that's the freaking protein bar that I want to eat because they support my unpopular sport. And in the opposite, I was into off-roading a lot in like my thirties and companies that would like support shutting down off-road trails and keeping four by fours out of the desert or

whatever. I would boycott them because they're boycotting me. Like they're trying to shut down my hobby. So I'm not going to send my money to you. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, no, I totally get it. And I totally understand the idea of wanting to try and exist ethically under capitalism as hard as that is. And with the interweaving web of child labor and whatever the hell else. The problem is when you are willing to accept what is clearly an inferior or overpriced product merely for the sake of making a political stance. Like if there's two chocolate bars,

they each cost a dollar. One of them gives money to orphans. The other one gives money to robot Hitler. I'd go, okay, I'll buy the orphan chocolate bar. I get it. Like that's an easy choice. The problem is when it's, you know, the dollar chocolate bar that maybe i don't know

either is giving a nickel to gay people or whatever or the you know again twenty dollar chocolate bar that i don't know is going to some guy at the daily wire yeah gives eighteen dollars to ben shapiro and who's already a multi-millionaire and doesn't need it i'd go you know what i'm just gonna buy the dollar chocolate bar it's stupid for me to pay for something if i'm not going to get extra quality, and I'm buying it just to make a political statement. So the way that enters into comics is there is a gentleman, a YouTuber named Eric July. You may be aware of him.

He's a libertarian influencer, an African-American gentleman, a large bodybuilder kind of guy. He works out. And he said, I'm going to make a comic book, right? Now, I have my own personal beefs with this guy. I don't like some of his politics. So I was naturally skeptical.

I'm like, is this guy a writer? He's one of these guys who every day is making videos about the reason the Marvel movies suck is they're woke. And the reason that the comic books suck is they're woke. And me as a writer, I go, that's part of the problem. It's not the entire problem.

There's a lot of problems going on in entertainment right now. And a lot of guys have dialed it down to, if you just take the politics out, everything gets good. And I go, no, that's not the solution. There is some of that, but if that's all you can talk about, frankly, you have no business critiquing writing or media. Thank you.

So this guy goes, I'm going to make a comic book. And I go, well, in my head, this guy's a big dummy who seems to. And, you know, of course, he's promising this is going to be a nonpolitical comic. It's not going to have any politics in it. And, you know, he works for the Blaze. He has contacts at Fox News. So you have Fox News puts out a huge news article. Anti-woke comic book will destroy the establishment or whatever

and all his buddies on youtube are making videos saying they literally were making videos saying marvel and dc are terrified and i'm there going guys marvel and dc did not give half of two shits about a libertarian influencer making an independent comic now he raised a bunch of money because he's got a bunch of connections at the blaze and whatever else he raised i think three million dollars and the comic comes out and i said look i i've i've looked at the campaign i've looked at the synopsis i've looked at the existing art i go i can't imagine this comic's gonna be good and i read it i went yeah it sucks it's a shitty comic but of course he's one of

these guys he's got a huge following and i'll go no this is the future of comics dc and marvel are running scared we are going to take over entertainment so meanwhile i keep talking about this on the show with dick and i go i've read the comic it's terrible and all these guys are gaslighting themselves saying it's the future of comics and he goes you're just a hater you just hate this guy because there's politics i'm gonna read it i bet it's great and then he read it and he came back he's like that is the worst fucking comic book i've ever read in my life and did and did a very detailed review he went through it he gave classic hollywood notes because dick is a guy who's worked in the hollywood system he's written

scripts you know he's got notes on his own scripts he went well here's here's your problem okay you don't have a three-act structure the the main character has no motivation there is no story hook it's a superhero comic where you don't even understand who the character is or what powers he has again you know this is all convoluted we have the review on our channel if you go to the biggest problem channel you can you listen to his notes and honestly he gave what seemed like pretty fair notes was he harsh yeah he was like look it's really not good it was unbelievably harsh he was very harsh he didn't say he didn't say i want to get masterson style we're a comedy podcast okay he's gonna give the review in a way that is funny

and yeah but at the end of the day it's not we wish you know harm on you and your children it's hey this is a shitty comment might be though and a lot no no no i saw him i saw him laugh and laugh at boogie's butthole cancer i mean he was so i think dick does genuinely wish harm on boogie i have a lot more okay i'm with you now they have more history there's more there. So he puts out this review, and now for the past three, or maybe the past month, I guess, again, this huge fan base of anti-woke comic fans have been really, they're really mad at us that we reviewed his comic, and that we gave it a negative review.

And we said, well, we just think it's bad. If he puts out a good one, we'll tell you. But in the meantime, we kind of think you guys are just throwing money again. Again, he's a first time writer, never written a comic in his life. That's not a good formula. Like it's not a good formula. You don't just knock it out of the park on your first try. We said, well, maybe it'll get better.

Maybe the next one will be better. But right now it kind of seems like you guys are just throwing money at this guy because you have this dream of winning this culture war. And books seem like a weird place to start. Like there's a lot of comics that are traditionally like super woke. The whole idea of the X-Men is about the it's about it's about AIDS. Look at the name. It's about trans people.

It's about AIDS. Don't tell Eric July that he's one of these guys who will tell you. No, that's a myth. That's a myth. The liberals invented about the X-Men. It was never about social justice. So that's the kind of guy we're talking about. Everyone knows it's lame to care about comic lore.

It's cool to care about Lord of the Rings lore deeply, though. That 80s comic where they've all got something wrong with their blood and they need to be quarantined off and deemed to be lesser versions of humans and all this stuff yeah i watched a clip of the the review where where dick went on this guy's show and i don't know anything about the eric july character outside of what i see you and dick talking about him and dick is such a funny you know over the top guy that you can sometimes forget that he's a really good writer he knows his shit and so he was like in that call with a bunch of people i'm not familiar with

like absolutely dominating with like hey i read this part right here there's no motivation for this to happen also this second panel it doesn't line up with the first one the wall shouldn't be in this position uh there's this character it seems like you're you're bothering this character more than is actually saving anyone there's no established reason for him to care about this like he was he went to town with like and it wasn't like obviously jokes but a lot of it was simply like he has very this is this is poorly structured and this story does not deliver anything is what his point was a really good example from his review is that at one point the main character whose name is isom he's trying to find this missing girl uh he goes to meet with an old an old friend who ends up you know it's kind of like the kingpin character of this universe

he's an evil businessman guy and the guy basically tells him i don't know where this girl is you need to leave and then this this security guard who kind of is like an older guy you almost feel bad for the security guard he's like an older guy he You almost feel bad for the security guard. He's like an older guy. He's got like white dreads. He's like, all right, sir, you're going to have to leave. And the hero immediately punches him in the gut. And he does that thing. You ever play like the new Mortal Kombat games where there's like an X-ray

and you see the bones snapping and there's blood everywhere? And you're like, hold on. So he just got told politely by maybe a little firmly like, sir, you're going to have to leave the premises. And the hero of the story responds by punching We had another fan go and review it and he's just like he wrote it from the point of view of the security guards He's like like, he wrote it from the point of view of the security guards. He's like, these heroic security guards are trying to stop the dastardly villain known as Isom.

And it really does kind of read like the hero is a genuinely terrible person. And I don't think he wrote it that way on purpose. Some of the Dick critiques were like, I was sitting there listening and I'm like, oh, oh, that's Dick. Dick was like, dude, this guy's just a plug in for yourself. The only thing that upsets this character is being disrespected because being respected is the only thing you care about. And I'm like, oh, oh, oh, that was, he casually threw that in. Like, that was like in the back.

Very, very funny. Well, I think what drives- I haven't read the comics, so who knows? I'm just thinking it could be brilliant. The thing that drives Dick the most nuts is, again, this guy has a lot of friends in a lot of high places, and they're all nut-hugging and telling telling literally you know youtubers are saying this is the future of comics right like they have made videos with that title and you go oh okay well what did you

like about the comic and they'll say well i haven't read it yet and you go hold on one second you have made multiple videos telling your viewers that eric july's rip averse he named it after himself is the future of the comic world that dc and marvel are scared of this guy and you didn't read the comic like is that not ethically a little unsound to be pitching this to your viewers as the future of comics when you haven't read it yet it's like what did you like about it oh that's so much well it confirms my political biases in that way that's that's what it is yes they'll say that they'll say well you know at least it's not woke and you go that's not a lot of comics are not woke that's not enough you don't change the game you don't establish this conservative uh parallel economy you're hoping for just by

taking the politics out of the book if anything you ended up with this book is so flat you go i wish you had put politics in it i honestly wish it was the adventures of conservative man punching the liberals out because there would have been something going on in it in the bottom left pane is that the big bad security guard that had been taken down well no that's that's the ultra security guard that he fights he He only fights security guards. Alright, I got it now. He fights security guards. At some point,

this guy got removed from some premises somewhere and he has not let it go. It's kind of crazy. They kicked him out of an Applebee's in 1997 and he just can't stand it. I'm a lot less interested in the hero's origin story than I am the author's origin story at this point.

Yeah. Yeah. Why does he hate security guards? What happened? I want, yeah, I want, sir,

the midnight releases tomorrow night. You have to leave. No, I'm staying all night. Like what? Well, that's embarrassing. Yeah.

Apparently it's, it's not going to take down Marvel in DC, but you know what might. Super killer, right? That's the hope. It is unfortunate timing. See, I did not tell Dick to review I, Sum, but he kind of got pressured into it by some other people.

So now everyone's saying, oh, well, Dick only reviewed I, Sum because he's trying to promote your comic book. And I'm like, no, no, we had nothing to do with that. But I do have my own comic book coming out. I swear to God, we did not try to manufacture some crazy controversy. I can't tell Dick what to do in real life. No, no winker. Dick just went, I'm going to review.

I saw him. And I honestly, I was like, oh, this is not going to be good for us. Right now, as I'm releasing my comic, Dick it's great top of mind it's created a bit of a controversy but I'll say this look uh I don't want this is not a fight between my comic and Eric's comic honestly I want to be left alone let me make my comic on myself I don't want to be compared to Isam I'm having fun making my own character and this is this is a comic I've worked comic dick gave me notes so and I'm actually going to incorporate some character and this is a comic I've worked Dick gave me notes and I'm actually going to incorporate some of his notes

again Dick's a great writer he's a smart guy but did he publicly talk about the notes and give you the ISOM treatment I think he commented a little he said he likes he said he liked it better than ISOM what he read so far again he's only read the script

I praised it's better than a chicken I he read so far. Again, he's only read the script. I praised. It's better than a chicken. I'll put it this way. Once it comes out, I'll get the full Dick Masterson review and he can tell me exactly how much I screwed up. Maybe before it comes out. If Dick doesn't like it, he will let you know. Yeah.

He absolutely will. But this is a comic I've been working on for about two years now and we're finally getting it close to launch. We got a crowdfunding campaign going right now. You can check it out. If you go to superkiller.org, it'll take you over to Indiegogo or just go to Indiegogo and search for Superkiller. And yeah, it's just a little multiversal story I've been working on.

It's a ton of fun. I'm very excited for it. Can you say what Super Killer's power is? I can say what Super Killer's power is. I'll give you a quick synopsis. I don't know if you want to bring up a picture of him or whatever. He has ARP for hands.

Well, the idea is there is a multiverse, right? We know multiverse stories. Some people hate them. Some people love them. I still think the multiverse, right? And we know multiverse stories. Some people hate them. Some people love them. I still think the multiverse stuff is very exciting and fun. So the idea of the multiverse is that there are all these universes,

and they're all plugged into one basic central power structure or whatever, basically like a cosmic power strip. But if you keep plugging in worlds, because new universes are being created every day, eventually the power strip is going to overload, and it's going to destroy the entire multiverse right so there is an agency that has a number of agents in their employ and their job is to go to universes that have been scheduled for cancellation and to assassinate the primary hero of that universe so in this first issue uh it's our hero super killer sam king and he's been sent to this

universe to basically kill a superman type character uh and by doing so by killing the central hero of the universe the universe goes wait why do i not have a uh central hero anymore uh the central hero being like the foundation of their universe they go i'm just gonna collapse i'm gonna self-destruct so it's kind of like like a sliders type universe where every story arc or every issue you go to a different world you go to a fantasy world a medieval world a ninja world whatever else it's you have to kill luke skywalker you have to kill sailor moon you have to kill whoever the primary hero of this universe is you know what we got to do a sonic one that's not bad. You know what my favorite Sliders episode

was one where it actually made sense to me because they went somewhere where there wasn't oxygen. Why would they all have oxygen, right? Did they slide away immediately? Yeah, of course. Sometimes they'd slide somewhere and it'd be like,

we're here for seven days. But this time they're like, we're here for 12 more seconds and they just crawl through the fucking portal but in reality there'd be like some the earth would be in different places because yeah no you'd have a nitrogen-based atmosphere as opposed to an oxygen somewhere yeah it would work out great uh well the point of the story is that he meets up with this girl in a diner and basically tells her oh sorry i just destroyed your universe i gotta go she ends up jumping in the portal after him and he's like you dumb bitch you're not gonna survive this trip to the next universe and she's you know dying in the midst of the cosmos he's like god damn it i feel kind of bad right now.

And tells his little robot, he's like, can you register that dumb girl as my sidekick so she can survive the trip to the next mission world? So he ends up stuck with this dumb girl. And he's like, great. Now I have a sidekick. I don't want a sidekick. And again, this is a guy, he doesn't love this job. He doesn't love the idea that he's ending countless universes. He's like, wow, my job fucking sucks.

He also has amnesia. He's like, why don't I even take this job? What is going on? All he knows is if I kill 100 superheroes, it's over. I'm just going to focus, eyes on the prize, kill superheroes, not focus on the fact that I'm one of the greatest mass murderers of all time and just power through. But now he's stuck with this girl, and he's like, great, you're useless.

What is the point of you? Anyway, this time I got to go. I see Dick influenced your story a bit there. Yeah, yeah. I think this guy went to the church. It's a plastic misogyny. Church of Kyle stuff. But as he discovers, you know, he's in a new universe.

He's like, all right, I got to kill the Flash. This is going to suck. He's going to punch me a thousand times, and I'm going to hate it. But that's my job. She's like, oh, you're fighting like a speedster? Why don't you use ice or like uh oil like an oil slick he's like or gun hold on one second he's like why wait why do you know this she's like oh i read like a shit ton of comics i'm like a huge nerd and he's like oh shit you're useful to me

that her vast knowledge of all these fictional universes is actually she's going to be the strategist of the super killer quickly paint a a cave onto this rock face taylor i'm gonna steal all these ideas they're all gold i hate to say it do it uh i don't have my own comic but i will say it's funny you bring up a gun he does not have superpowers that's the important thing all he has is a gun that shoots superheroes to death the gun only has three bullets and the thing about superheroes think about batman think about superman how often are they well superman doesn't count but think about batman batman's been shot at for 80 years without ever getting shot once superheroes in this universe we learn have this

they all have an innate ability to not just immediately get shot that they have to actually be in some sort of tricky situation so every situation or every issue is setting up this elaborate rube goldberg-esque trap to try and get these superheroes into a situation where it's like okay now i can shoot him in the head you know uh and it's again just figuring out their weaknesses looking at them analyzing them and coming up with some crazy plan to try and kill a superhero that sounds like a very interesting premise i think it's gonna be a ton of fun yeah yeah i've been afraid of batman like like i could take batman right out like yeah especially if you knew bruce wayne right

you'd send some fake fbi agents to arrest him in front of like a crowd and then just kill him in the car. Like, what's he going to do? Well, I've been thinking about the eventual Batman issue I want to do where a super killer gets kidnapped and the girl has to figure out how to get him back. Gets kidnapped by Batman. She's like, oh, God, from what I know about Dark Knight detectives,

I really hope this works. And she's like, come to the cemetery. And Batman shows up and she's dressed as like an old timey, like 50s woman with a pearl necklace. And Batman's like, mom? She's like, come to the cemetery. And Batman shows up and she's dressed as like an old timey, like 50s woman with a pearl necklace. And Batman's like, Mom. She's like, yeah, it's your mom. Like, if you're my mom, what's my name or what's your name? She's like, going to take a stab in the dark.

Martha is like, Mom. She's like, oh, my God, it's always Martha. It always works. It's always Martha. Their parents is always Friday the 13th part one getcha. He dresses up as the killer's mom. Yeah. So we have a ton of different ideas.

I got a great artist out of Mexico, a guy named Keter LeBeau, the most beautiful man. God, he's too beautiful to be an artist, honestly, this guy. I'm like, he should be a male model. He's too attractive for it. He's too attractive. It's insane to me. I like when I see really attractive people who are really good at things, too. Yeah, it really makes you happy.

One of the best goalies in the NHL of the past 20 years, Henrik Lundqvist, this Swedish guy, is so attractive it's frustrating. It's like, damn it, he it's like it's like damn it he's like the best in the NHL at goalie or was he's retired now and like he just gets nothing but memed on for being can we get a picture of him Zach Hendrick Lundquist Hendrick Lundquist his last

name sounds like I said this because so he can help him spell it it's Lundquist is how you say it I mean isn't that a Swedish sounding name it sounds like fermented fish snacks. That is something those people like. I'm sure they have a beautiful culture. They love spas, saunas.

Those are both nice, but the fermented fish part is vile. The Swedish? Yeah, Swedish fish. I think I read something that made me hate the Swedish the other day. Something about them backing Hitler or something. That is bullshit. He shouldn't be good at it. Dude, that guy shouldn't have legs at it he's a good look that guy

shouldn't have legs he's he's he's one of the most athletic man on earth he's you gotta nerf that or that yeah that guy's an asshole can we kill him dude you know what happened can we put him on the list of the guys that super killer yeah we put him on the list of super killer he's just too good i have a list of people I want super killer to kill. And this guy could be making the list. Dude, at the end of his career, there was like this, like, oh, everybody feel bad for him because he never won the Stanley Cup. And it was like, no, whatever. No.

Find his wife, Zach. Find his wife. But he got to be a superstar hockey player in New York City for 15 years. Zach, show me that guy's wife. Show me the... Bring up that guy's wife. There's multiple wives. There's multiple wives, yeah. I bet there's... I mean, it's the Swedish, right?

Don't they... Aren't they all kinky weirdos? Maybe that's more the Germans. It is stereotypically German. Let's see. They both look very Swedish. She's either 25 or 50. I was going to say, she doesn't look super young,

which implies to me he's making good financial decisions. His best financial decision was playing for the New York Rangers for 18 years. Dude, that got him set up so nice. He's the starting goalie for the Rangers.

Yeah, well, he can lose half of it if he drops her. For some reason, I don't know what her save percentage would have been, but save percentage. Yeah, she would have been awful. No hiding from the puck. Have you ever met a man that was unsettlingly pretty? Like a man that was just too handsome?

Like, dude, slow down. I can't think of any other time in my head. Did you ever meet Aiden? Maybe he came to play ball with him. Yeah, yeah, he's an attorney, right? I thought Aiden was an oddly attractive man. I think he had worked as a model. He had a sexy accent.

Where's he from? Yeah, he's got some sort of UK accent. It's a little rough. Oh, that's sexy as hell, brother. Well, he makes up for it by being 6'4 foot four male model in racing Lamborghinis in his spare time Has he got soot on his cheeks from his side hustle? Hey real quick am I able to share my screen is that a thing that I Wanted to show you guys real quick. So I able to share my screen? Is that a thing? Did I do that correctly?

I wanted to show you guys real quick. So this is the Indiegogo page. We're already at 831 backers. 16 days left. Share screens this whole time? Yeah! You guys should do that. It would make your lives a lot easier.

I did want to show you guys real quick. Here's some cool art. Very cool. Again, this artist is great. You get to meet all your favorite characters. We got a little robot who swears and causes... I need Ari to have a penis.

That's episode 3. You never see a robot with genitalia and I don't care for that. I don't know if he's going to have a penis. I don't want any they-them robots, okay? Let me know what's up. I want you to JK Rowling it, write it all with no allusion at all to their sexuality,

and then after it's over and you have a bunch of fans, be like, every single person was trans. Everyone was trans the whole time. You can just do that. No one can stop you that's true so we got the basic cover it's like the bunnies at the park they're free this is one of my favorite parts so we have the basic cover all right this is like the cover you can buy in the store this is the cover you can only get on indiegogo again kept it you know

reasonably priced okay so this cover uh do you guys have you guys ever heard of the blue girl no you can say no interested you're but you're aware of the concept of tentacle porn right oh yes yes okay so the reason you're aware of tentacle porn is specifically because of this man toshio maida he's the father of tentacle pornography he is genuinely the father of tentacle pornography i could say if you were buying anime back in the 90s you couldn't get like real stuff you had to go to a flea market and buy some bootleg tapes off the back of some guy's van and that guy would always go hey kid you want to see something really cool and you go what and he'd show you this bootleg copy of blue girl which was about

ninjas fighting each other to the death with sex as a tentacle monsters tried to uh have their way with all of them so i i wanted to do a cover a lot of these campaigns they do like a sexy cover and i was like i kind of do like a cool like japanese manga like hentai cover i'm like wait could i get toshio maida could i get the godfather of tentacle porn so i had to get a translator to send this guy an email and go hello i am big america comic man and i want to put your horrible tentacle art on my disgusting and he was like yes i will do this for you and uh the only problem was the language barrier. He kept sending me sketches.

And I'm like, listen, man, I kind of want this franchise to have legs. It's going to be hard if my main character is getting split apart by six penis tentacles. And to get the children to pipe down in the back, they're screaming so loud. He's like, so you want the tentacles ripping apart her clothes and jamming their way into her mouth i'm like no like kind of suggestive like like suggesting oh yeah i understand so you want her like violently brutalized yeah i understand i understand english he sent me all the sketches of her getting stuffed from every side and i'm like no like this i want to get like a cartoon at some point and i'm like no no you're totally preaching to choir. Like more rape.

Like more rape, right? Yeah. I was like, I just want to keep this viable. Me, you, same wavelength. Dude, I know you tried to tone it down, but I like see moisture on her vagina. No, no, no, that's all tentacle slime. That's tentacle slime.

That's not coming from her. As far as I can tell. I mean, how would you know? You didn't draw it. Shut up. We're going to get into it. As far as I can tell. I mean, how would you know?

You didn't draw it. Shut up. We're going to get into it. Someday I'm going to be pitching this as an animated series for Netflix. Your interpretation is no better than mine. I'm going to be talking to Netflix executives and they'd go, I'd like you to address this episode of PKA where clearly there are wet juices running down the lake. Point is, there is a tentacle cover. You know what they say. You know it when you see it. of pka where clearly there are wet juices running down the leg point is there is a tentacle cover you know what they say you know it when you see it

yep this is an exclusive how many uh how many revisions were required there were a lot of revisions and this is the best i could get without, he was like, listen man, I gotta do something to her. And I'm like, alright, fine. This is good enough. I don't understand why you're being so hard. You're the one who reached out to me. You're the fucking weirdo here. Honestly?

I was just sitting around, masturbating for the last 20 years until you bothered me. Asked me to make funny cover and then you say, oh, this is too gross. Aren't you familiar with my work? It's vile. It's revolting. It upsets people. People vomit at my work.

I think we came to a fair compromise. Let's just say that. You know what? I'm seeing a little romance when I look at her eyes and his mouth. She's afraid and she's been disarmed. She's afraid. Look, her gun is flying through the air because it has grabbed her wrists and arms.

It is clearly raping her. If that's not the look of consent, then I've just never had consent. There's a big stabby thing coming for her. She's at knife point, essentially. And I'm not at knife point. That's just what girls look like. She's clearly about to re-grab her gun

and fight off the aliens. She's a proud, strong female character. No, of course not. She fell. It's catching her. Exactly. It's helpful. He's saying, no, madam. Those are the eyes Lois Lane made when she was caught by Superman.

That skirt at no point would have been appropriate. It is incapable of covering her vagina. Wait, that's not just a belt. That's supposed to be a skirt. It is a make-believe skirt. This guy's impressive. He's the best left-hand-only artist on Earth. He is the master.

Honestly, when I went to approach him, I did some research. He had just done a collaboration with Supreme, that brand that sells all that. I'm like, how much money you got, white boy? him i i did some research he had just done a collaboration with supreme uh you know that brand that sells all that i'm like he's like how much money you got white boy and i'm like well i don't have supreme money i'm like i can pay you something but uh i think we worked out i made something for balenciaga they said it's not extreme enough they said there aren't nearly enough underage people getting messed with in this image she's of age she's of age no underage rape i promise you

now that i'll buy true and we also have a cool collector's edition which does not include the rape yeah we're doing a lunchbox baby i i do kind of i don't own any but i have considered like if i was going to get one of those weird fucking collectors hobbies where you just waste a bunch of money on nonsense it'd be those old-timey metal lunchboxes, for real. Dude, they're awesome. They are hard to get, especially in good condition. Actually, I liked the plastic ones that Thermos used to make, because that was my era. That's what I had. I remember the smell.

They stopped making them, though. I think that plastic actually is toxic in some way. Oh, shit. Is that what's wrong with me? Because I wanted to get plastic lunchboxes. You can't get the plastic ones anymore. You can only get tin ones now. I had a Scooby-Doo and a He-Man. I had a

Mario one, but it was really stupid because it was Mario watching Zelda on TV. And I was like... I remember being like, I just want a Zelda lunchbox. I don't want Mario playing Zelda. So that was stupid.

So Zelda exists as a character in the Mario universe that he watches. It's like a Tarantino thing. And Mario and Luigi weren't holding controllers and playing Zelda. They had a TV remote. Like they were watching a Zelda television show, which was even worse. That always made me upset. Did you ever watch the OG Mario mario brothers tv show it was awful taylor is that image i remember like no the original one was terrible yes it's real weird it felt like cable uh like actually last thing i was gonna mention

you do get pogs with the uh collector's edition guys, pogs are coming back. Let's be real. They never left. Come on. They never left. Dude, that was my, that's the exact version of the lunchbox I had from kindergarten. And I felt like hot shit walking in. I remember feeling like hot shit. Like, this is, like, I rule.

Nobody else has a fish. What the fuck is that? No, it's a lunchbox. I see that it's like a little. It does, it vibes backpack.box. I see that it's like a little... It vibes backpack. I'm with Kyle on that. If it was on your back, like looking behind you,

it'd be real cute is all I'm saying. Like I just see a little fucker running around the lunchroom with it. That's pretty cool. Mine was... I had the plastic ones and then I had like an igloo or something that I don't know,

it looked funny and I felt weird taking it to school. So then I just toughed it out and started eating school lunch because I didn't want to be one of the lunchbox kids. Cause there was a social divide. Like there was a time at some point it became not cool to,

to total lunchbox around all day. And so you just had to, you had to lean right and start eating lunch food. I went through the same thing. Yeah. I got to start putting a ranch on your pizza. Like the cool kids. I remember.

Yeah. Having to, yep. That's the one I had, except I was blue. Look, I mean, I guess, is that but he's holding it vertical like a TV remote. Yeah, whoever drew that didn't know how

controllers worked. Oh my gosh. That's hilarious. That's what happened 100%. They didn't know how controllers worked. And it's so confusing that it's a Super Mario Brothers 2 lunchbox, but they're watching Zelda 2. So there's two different logos and then there's a confusing that it's a super mario brothers 2 lunchbox but they're watching zelda so there's two different logos and then there's a nintendo power logo as well this is a mess of a design the artist was completely confused he specialized in tentacle

porn and someone came to him out of the blue yeah you can see like the cords even coming out of like the right side of the controller it doesn't make any sense should we have mario and luigi doing something cool no they should be sitting on a couch yeah they should be watching another hero lose a fight yeah well that's the other thing is that the zelda part of it is like kind of cool it's like link fighting a knight i'm like just make that the whole thing that would be way better dragons lair they're just trying to throw as much ip in there that game looks like robin hood or something i don't know the laser disc game dragons lair i don't know the bad guy looks like uh metroid or whatever the legs that looks silly oh mega man

that's what his legs look like right yeah mega man yeah i never played mega man ever you ever played any mega man what no no never get was that a fun game is that worthwhile i have a whole mega man shelf up there yeah mega mans they're all great the mega man legends games on a ps1 are probably some of the most fun the controls are a little wonky but they're all the mega mans are platformers aren't they mega man legends was more of like a 3d almost rpg-ish type action game it was actually great you just ran around dungeons upgrading your stupid gun and getting more stupid guns and doing quests for everybody in town uh mega man legends is fantastic sadly the guy who

was in charge of it uh left capcom and made that mighty number nine game and then completely destroyed his reputation so we're probably never getting a megaman legend sequel the uh we talked talked about the comics and everything i yes there was a little lore from last time i was on the biggest problem that i just had to explore more dick was was poking fun at you for having relieved your cat sexually not sexually well i guess it is sexually and i wanted to i wanted you to go through that like what was your rationale and how long did it get how long did it take you to make the cat come okay so shut up first of all this was like uh this was like 10 years ago yeah and no statute of limitations on that one my friend there is a

statute of limitations i'm pretty sure my cat my cat was in heat and my cat because i was an idiot i took too long to get my cat fixed and i had a job at the time that i had to wake up very early and get to my job and my cat would not shut the fuck up and i could not sleep i was just like all night and i was like okay i'm gonna get i had an appointment to get the cat fixed in like two weeks or whatever to be honest I'm on the cat side with this I've been there I went online I went online I said how do you calm a cat in heat

and I found a page and this is a real procedure that multiple pages will tell you you can do this is an actual thing they said well anyone, the thing about cats. Anyone can access it with onion.tor. No, no, no.

They said the thing about a cat is that a cat can have an orgasm in about two seconds. So just take a Q-tip, get it like a little wet with water, and just put it gently against the backside of your cat. Your cat will back up onto it, have an orgasm in about two seconds, and then will shut up for a week. And I said, okay, I don't want to do it, but I feel

like this is the only way to regain some sanity in my life. So I took a Q-tip, and I yes, I got my cat off. You penetrated. The first thing you noticed was you were out of Q-tips. Your cat's a boy or a girl i'm just this was a girl cat yeah what would i do with a boy cat to get up with that

fuck my cat's been playing me for a fool i thought you like painted it or something i don't know i'm not jerking the cat off with a q-tip oh that, that's below you, right? That is below me, frankly. That's too much. Look, I'll say this. I do not regret it. Whatever.

That was a medical procedure that I expertly performed. I was basically an actor. Let's get the language right for court. You penetrated the feline. About what time was it? Hold on. There's guys whose entire job is to jerk off champion racehorses is that a problem no that's acceptable medical procedure this was me an animal was in distress an animal was in pain

and i relieved that pain with a simple q-tip if If anything, I'm the hero of this situation. You put aside insecurity in order to help an animal. That's right. And if you've ever seen a cat have an orgasm, it's actually wow. She was a very happy cat. That cat was the happiest

cat I'd ever seen. I kind of want to stay at your place as a guest. Come on over. I'm sleeping on your couch and I'm just like, Exactly. It's like, I'm fucking going to go to the Jack Taylor office.

Until you start Googling how to get all 50-year-olds. Alright, just have him back up onto a keychain. That's the other thing. I didn't even have to place it in. The cat is spending, when your cat is in heat, it is trying to find a dick. Like, constantly. It is running around the house like, there must be something I can stick

inside of me. Oh, that reminds me. I should have taped it to, like, something so the cat could have found it naturally. The only possible segue out of this disgusting message... Did you ever see Dark Angel with Jessica Alba when she's, like like half cat person because the

government made her a super soldier by integrating cat dna well like every season she'd go into heat for like a whole episode so it was great but she actually did yeah yeah she'd be trying to fuck yeah she'd be they'd be like what's wrong she's like i'm in heat again but it's prime Jessica Alba. I don't know how she's like 22 or something. And like leather pants. This is a TV show. Yeah, it was on Fox. It was a good show.

I thought it was. I think Cameron made that right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. What's interesting about Dark Angel is that James Cameron is basically admitted that was him trying to make his own version of Battle Angel Alita before he had the rights to it. And then he got the rights and he fucked it up by letting

Robert Rodriguez direct it instead of directing it himself. I don't know if Robert Rodriguez is very good at anything. Some people like the Battle Angel movie. Me as a big Battle Angel fan, I was like, he kind of dropped the ball. If you're going to bounce off of James Cameron a little bit, I watched Avatar

2 finally. Man, I am so on Team USA America. Man, you want to harvest all the space whales? You want to take all the space whale juice? In the most painful, evil way possible, right? They tortured those whales. It didn't hurt a bit. What? They shot it twice

and it was dead they floated it right i know the family part is what makes it so easy if they were solid they didn't even use the fuel they killed the mom because when you kill a mom who cares space i want the baby you get a baby space well for free yes that's how cows work too you buy a cow calf pair they're priced uh specifically for that when you purchase them and then you slaughter You get a baby space whale for free. Yes, that's how cows work, too. You buy a cow-calf pair. They're priced specifically for that when you purchase them, and then you slaughter them. Look, here's the deal. There's this, I guess, Earth is dying. Humanity, which is clearly America, thank fucking God, has made it to another planet,

and they need to colonize this place. They need to make it good for people. And the first beachhead has been established and we're moving out from there. And there's a bunch of blue fucking hippie people who live here who happen to be 12 goddamn feet tall feral fucking savage people who have bows that somehow

pierce our helicopter windows. That's what I'd improve on day one. Bulletproof! No, we don't need bulletproof. Arrowproof. Arrowproof windows and they're fucked, okay? The U.S. Air Force could wipe out every blue-cock sucker on that planet in a week, okay? I don't know how our future Air Force is such a bunch of pussies. Did they figure out from the first movie that what you need to do is fly slightly higher? No, they stay at fucking pterodactyl level so that they can come in, spear, and shoot them to death.

What a good movie. But here's the deal, Taylor. We finally, clearly, put a year of hard work in. They sent a bigger army in. Really thinned those blue cocksuckers out, okay? Now they had to flee off into the ocean. Good start. But the guy's got some personal shit going on,

so he wants to go get the trader who's living in the ocean with his blue family and his blue pussy lady. They got some whales out there who are sentient whales apparently they're as smart as us maybe smarter music and mathematics and philosophy not very good at escaping huh dude there's a there's there's like a two liter bottle worth of gold juice in each of those aliens that doesn't just slow aging it stops aging each canister they said was about i don't know 80 million it took them a couple minutes to get it you just shoot the fucking whales core out their brain and that's it okay

and they don't even fight back they don't fight back as like a thing like like none of them will ever fight back all right well then who's losing seems like win-win all around win-win i'm telling you i i would kill every blue person. I would enslave the ones that, no, I'd kill every blue person. I can't trust them. They'll rise up.

And I'd kill every fucking whale in that ocean. I'd breed those whales. I'd put those whales, you know why they do that thing to bears where they get the bile out of them? They take bears and they put them in this tight little fucking cage and they open their guts up

and they stick a tube into their fucking, I don't know what organ, whatever makes the bear bile that they need it's valuable and he stays in that cage until he fucking dies years from now they'll keep him alive so they can keep getting that juicy bear bile and that's bear bile bear bile doesn't cost fucking shit now you've got some 80 million dollar a canister gold shit that flows out of whales oh we're gonna to be sapping them dry. I don't know how you're losing me. You've snatched victory from the jaws of... or defeat from the jaws of victory. You want 80 million a whale

or 8 billion a whale? It's up to you. No, I was meaning with the bear bile. When I think about a nice fluffy bear having that done to them, that sounds awful. They eat us when they get a chance. They would disembowel you alive. What do you mean with bear bile? Is that where the raspberry flavor comes from? All of the bears would disembowel you.. What do you mean, some of them? Is that where the raspberry flavor comes from? All of the bears would disembowel you. I'm sorry, Woody.

What do you do with bear bile? Russians do something with it. They're awful. I don't know what they do with it. You'd have to Google sweeteners. You just look at it. It's funny. Westerners think they are so cool with their ESPN and their sports

that we don't know about the bear bile competition. That's what that thing is in a lava lamp and that's all we do. That's all it's useful for? You know how many hundreds of bears I had to torture for that one lamp? Get that shit away from me. It smells terrible. Totally useless.

Maybe we can just stop making lava lamps. What are you, a monster? I'm not going to stop making lava lamps. We need to torture thousands of bears. Avatar 2, same exact thing, except with whales this time. Same exact thing, but they're in the water this time. I know that Disney's entire slate just got pushed, and so the Avatar sequels are going to be continuing into 2031 now.

They did a big slate push and everything kind of moved forward a year or two. The writer's strike? Is that why? I don't know. I think they had... I've been reliably informed we'll all be underwater. I think they just had... Now, that's Pixar.

Does Disney own Pixar? Do they own Lightyear? Yeah, I think Lightyear was a big shit in the bed and that's caused some shakeup. Lightyear was a huge shit in the bed. The director, they fired. I think the manager... everybody who had anything to do with it they fired all the way at the top

dude that movie I was like how do you go like oh Buzz Lightyear and it would be fun what it was like depressing and weird no don't do that at all is that what it was I want to as people point out it's basically the movie interstellar it's like what if you got like

old well people you love where you and it's like no don't do that buzz lightyear just have him go fight aliens or something those little green men he should be like hate cramming those little green fuckers like left and right one of my favorite uh pictures of all time is an american astronaut punching out an et on the moon it's like the most patriotic thing I think a man could ever do. That's all we want is Buzz Lightyear, Space Commander, setting up a new human Reich in space.

I want to hear Tim Allen have some one-liners. What do you say to that, Lightyear? I say it's time for you to taste a little American ass whoop. And then they just start playing, I don't want to be an American idiot. He goes like super scion mode. He powers up his jet pack because he has.

This is actually pretty good. I might like Superman punch, like through them in circles, you know, like give me that movie. I was rewatching Space Quest and I really was like, man, I wish Tim Allen at like this point in time. It had more of like a movie career because that movie is so good and so funny. He's too conservative. They shut him down. They belittled him and made him a Santa Claus. Well, he did, at one point, was like,

I don't understand why I can't say the N-word. And you're like, Tim Allen, do you really need to say that right now, Buzz Lightyear? He's like, we're trying to reach a new audience with Tool Time. They were making a crucifix. And isn't he 70 something? He's an older guy now. I don't know about that one, Tim. Yeah.

I haven't seen him in like 15 years. See, I'm really... Did you guys watch the Norm MacDonald show when it was on YouTube? Yeah. When he was doing his podcast? Yeah, I watched some of that. But I think they took most of it down and it sucks because the Tim Allen episode was great,

because Tim Allen famously was arrested for dealing cocaine, and he snitched on everybody else to get out of the sentence. And the whole episode, Norm's going, hey, so when you were in the joint, did they ever call you Candyman? You know, was there like a black guy would come up to you and go, hey, Candyman! And Tim Allen's just very uncomfortable talking about it he's like no can we just move on from the cocaine stuff so they'll go on like another 15 minutes then all of a sudden norm just out of

nowhere we'll go hey candy man can you give us some of that candy candy man god damn it norm they didn't call me candy man that's pretty good that was one of the best bits. Tim Allen is clearly very uncomfortable. Norm will not let it go. I loved Home Improvement growing up. To me as a kid, it was like a mystery what the neighbor looked like. I really wanted to know. And then Pam Anderson was there as Heidi for the first few seasons. Didn't Pam Anderson say she was like sexually assaulted

on the set or something from that episode i don't know anything about that she was around it was like seasons right yeah she was like heidi she played this came out last year pamela anderson says tim allen denying the time he exposed himself on home improvement. Oh, I believe that. Tim Allen exposed himself to her. I believe that. Why not? If someone says he raped me... The headline I found is, Tim Allen flashed

co-star in resurfaced clip. So there is a clip? Resurfaced clip. Fantastic. Well, that narrows it down. Yeah. No, I believe that right away, because it's such a weird thing to lie about. Like, if she said he raped her, I'd be like, Oh, I see the clip.

He's wearing a kilt. On the first day of filming, I walked out of my dressing room. Tim was in his robe. He opened his robe and flashed me quickly and was completely naked underneath. There you go. Dude, look at underneath. Look at the absolute confidence in fucking flashing someone

on your TV set. Cheesing at it. I mean, they're all comedians on a comedy show. Some people need to loosen up a little bit. You think Kramer wasn't flashing Elaine from time to time? Get real. I mean, let's think about Pam Anderson is

a sweet girl. She was probably really weirded out when she saw that penis this is a different clip though that's not from the pamela anderson episode i guess he just you know yeah that was just him like in an episode where i think i remember that kilt episode i like the kids i like the whole thing he had that one pussy kid remember the little one the littlest one yeah like i want nowadays that could be gay no that kid would go he would be the trans kid but and then the oldest kid kind of went from like precocious into like this lunkhead looking motherfucker yeah it's like super jock mode yeah jonathan taylor thomas's little sweet jtt in the middle yeah yeah i remember i remember we were i don't know if you guys remember this but we were all preparing for the era of JTT. Because, like, Home Improvement had ended, and it's like, now's Jonathan's time to shine.

This kid is going to take over Hollywood. There was, like, there's a period where we're all JTT fever, and somehow it never came to fruition. He had a movie. It was called, like, Wild Thing or something like that. Yeah, did that bomb, and he didn't go on to big things. Yeah. We watched it in elementary school. It was probably $3 or something, so the teacher had it uh yeah poor jtt he was on all the teen beat magazines man that's all i remember all the girls in my class they're like that jonathan

taylor you think he cleaned up like all the all the hot chicks that we think of today is like our modern like did you think he fucked him when when they were all underaged i'm not i reserve comment i don't even understand i remember we walked like when i don't want to think about back in the day did he get like 16 year old britney spears pussy is what you're asking me if a pretty 16 jtt was i don't know how old he would have been don't give me i don't have the almanac or that or anything don't give me math problems here yeah what the fuck we walked into taco bell one time and like i don't know 1998 and my dad saw they had a full-size poster of britney spears like with her titties out my dad was like damn my mom goes she's 16 lamar and it was like well what the fuck are her titties out of taco bell for

she's selling fucking burritos up here with them cans out like like how am i supposed to know how i remember that was always the argument is like all right if you had the britney spears poster on your wall at 16 at what age are you legally required to take that poster down oh my god you turn 19 it's like that's fine that's all right you're like 22 you still got the british all right and you're like 25 it's like bro you need to take that britney spears poster down this is getting weird dude when we were like 14 me and my buddies i had a friend who was obsessed with harry potter and hermione and like we were like the same age as them basically in the shows a little younger than them in real life and he had a stand-up like cut out of hermione at like

like movie like how old did they start the first movie she's like 12 okay well then like 13 years old or something not okay like a 13 but he he got it i'm like why is kyle pointing to his dick no the characters because 12 is like halfway through the books okay wait really were they seven in the first book they go like 7 to 17 whatever age hermione was like 12 i think i remember him having that and being over at his house in like middle school and being like and my thought being like that's weird why do you like harry potter so much you have a fucking cutout but like then i went back when we were like 18 and it was still there and i was like dude you realize like this has got to go and he was like i know dude like i know it's like i don't know why i still have i just don't know

how to say goodbye so i remember 2004 my bad thing i remember my buddy in 2004 being like, I could tell she was going to be hot. We were all 17. Get off me. We were. He was like, I could tell she was going to be hot from that first movie, man. You could tell. And I said, yeah, I got to go.

I got to go. I was more interested in the wizardry. It was the spells that really sucked. I like memorizing the spells, man. I don't know what you're up to over there. Every so often, the internet does a countdown for an actress to turn 18. I remember there was, I think, Miley Cyrus had a huge, like, people, oh, my God, 19 more days. And suddenly it's, like, safe to masturbate to her.

What are you going to do exactly? Like, are you? Yeah, right. The hour is here. Here's what happened. This is what happened with Emily Watson. She turned 18 and they immediately went to upskirting her because now it was legal.

Diving under her on their hands and knees. I know they did it because I've seen her bush. I've seen it. Heck you, Taylor. They're heroes. Emily Watson, upskirt. Emma Watson. Yeah. did it because i've seen her bush i've seen it yeah heck you taylor they're heroes emily watson um upskirt and you'll see you're like emma watson yeah yeah is that it yeah yeah probably so yeah i'm on point with names from harry potter actors yeah you know you know harry potter

i'm of course played by daniel radcliffe daniel day lewis but daniel day lewis my favorite actor he should play old harry potter i'd watch the shit out of that right like an old harry potter like actual harry potter fans honestly yeah i've read all the books watched all the movies and i i'm kind of okay with them remaking it and because they're gonna do like a year for every year of that they're in school so like so yeah i've always had this theory about harry potter where i kind of think that it uh is like all right let me put it this way so like in most stories where like kids go to a magical world they eventually return to their human world right where it's like oh i went on a fantastical adventure and now i'm going to take all the information and knowledge i've gained and return back to being human harry potter the

wizards are considered a different race from the humans. So Harry Potter literally discovers he's an alien, goes to be with other aliens, and then completely abandons the human world entirely. It's not like, oh my god, magic exists! I can take this back to the humans, and we can use this

to further science and further understanding the universe. No, I want to live in a separate caste system with my fellow aliens forever and i have no more regard the humans are all fat dopey losers like his family or whatever they really don't portray people very well in that show it's an anti-human story it is like all these kids who go i'm waiting for my hogwarts letter i'm like so you're waiting to discover that you don't belong to the human race and belong to a higher cast of magical people that secretly has powers and yeah.

It makes sense though. We'd all be down with that fantasy to teach. Remember, that's not good. There's the one family where one sister is magical and the other sister is not right. Like that. That's,

I mean, that's, that's Harry's aunt. The reason that Harry hates muggles is because he's treated like shit by his family. The reason he's treated like shit by his family is because his aunt was the non-magical sister. Her sister was a fucking witch who got to go off to

magic land. And every year you're like, okay, bye honey. I'm going to magic land where I fly on a broom and turn cats into candy. Have fun at elementary school and she did that her whole life so she resented her and hated her and thought she was awful you know and it's a big secret too so she can't even tell her friends why she hates her sister she's gonna be like i just don't like her she can't tell them that her sister's a fucking

witch or they'll come and take her memory away they really are terrorists they are yeah it is just very it is a deeply anti-human story i remember i saw that first fantastic beasts movie and you see that one yeah and then that fat baker guy like helps him out for the whole movie mario yeah yeah okay like wow mario thanks for helping us out it's so great that humans and wizards can work together. Now we're going to wipe your fucking memory. And I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with these wizard people? They're fucked. This is evil. And they wipe his mind, but it's okay because he gets a hot wizard

girlfriend at the end. No. It seems like these wizards are causing more problems than they solve, and the humans need to put a stop. Muggles are thought of like children. They're simply children who you go in the room and tell them what's going on at the last minute. Hey, just so you know, there's a whole terror thing going on,

and you might see some bridges explode, some buildings fall down. That's our folk. Don't worry about it, though. There's this great beginning to my fifth or sixth book where they're in the prime minister's office the real prime minister of england and then a wizard comes in through his fucking fireplace and he's never seen a wizard before and they explain to him like yeah so that

there's a guy named baltimore and he's back and he's like he's like and to put it in that guy's terms he's like he's is he like a terrorist yeah he's like a terrorist with you know magical powers and a few hundred followers he flies and disappears and stuff but yeah they're treated like children they're treated like idiots yeah yeah it's like i mean writing children's fiction it should be about hey there's magic and wonder in this world in which you already live not you should pray that a magic letter arrives and tells you you are more special and unique than all of your peers, and

you are whisked away from them and never have to engage with them ever again. There's enough stories like that where everybody gets their fucking candy. I like this one, alright? Yeah, but why is Harry Potter so... Doesn't it say something about the generation that Harry Potter is that popular, that there's an entire generation of kids who is like, I hate everyone I'm surrounded by, and I wish I was more special

and wonderful than Luke Skywalker. I was just going to say that. That was how I felt. Luke Skywalker helps everybody else. He helps his human friends. He helps Han Solo and he's good friends. His human friends are barely human. They're all superheroes. Who is Harry Potter's human friend?

Well, you know, he warms up no he doesn't he doesn't have any it's about abandoning humanity and going on a magic special adventure by yourself he saves dudley's life but that's kind of begrudging you know he's kind of got to save his brother's life dude there's actually a scene they cut out of one of the movies where dudley i think goes hey harry i thought you were always a good guy. They hug it out. I've seen it. It's sweet. And they took it out of the movie. The one thing I want to humanize is like, oh hey, humans are pretty

good. They're not all shitbags. Yeah. I love it. I like that it's like this kid who's been treated like shit his whole life gets picked up and gets to go up and live this life as kind of a demigod and he leaves behind all those people who picked on him his whole life.

And just the idea of having the powers of the Harry Potter world. I mean, it's better than any superhero. Those are crazy, crazy powers that they have. There is. I think it's an enjoyable story. You do have to turn off your brain at some points, though. My only problem. You guys have time travel.

That was the biggest problem for me. You guys have time travel. That was the biggest problem for me. You guys have time travel. It's like, yeah. What do you use it for? So that the kids can take extra classes or retcon the events of this entire book. No, you don't get it. It only works in book six. You're like, where were you guys during the Holocaust?

And we were doing something. We were doing wizard stuff. Oh, I'd love to do that. That would be such a good YouTube skit. Like asking Dumbledore. Dumbledore, remember like 1944-ish? Yeah, where were you at exactly?

Poland. We didn't stop Genghis Khan. We're not intervening now. I think J.K. Rowling literally has like a... That's when the wizard war is going on. Well, Hitler was a powerful wizard and we could do not to stop him.

That would be the best answer ever. That's what they'd do. Make that movie! Hitler's a wizard! Hitler's a dark wizard. That's how they explain it to the muggles was World War II. And the nuclear bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, that was magic. That was all magic.

We'd watch the shit out of that movie. Oppenheimer is coming out. It could have a Harry Potter-esque twist. I hope so. I hope Nolan's a little of that in there. I want to see someone on a broom taking out kamikazes, like flying amongst the kamikazes and hitting them with the wand, hitting them with the magic.

Again, if you have magic, you know that millions of people are being packed onto trains. Do you not have a moral imperative to intervene in some way? Don't you know, Vito? Those were the evil wizards. No. This is a foul. You didn't know?

The Jews are the evil wizards of the Harry Potter universe. Yeah. They already have that anti-Semitism of the goblins that everyone always complains about. See, I don't even see it that much. People do bring that up a lot. Yeah, it's stupid. It's a really stupid complaint.

It's one of those things where you have to think that about Jews to see that in those goblins. Ooh, yeah. It's like me complaining that your Rorschach photos are all child porn yeah why are you showing me this oh god with the with the dead babies stop all of it just says that i'm gay stop showing me the same thing yeah whenever i hear because i i'll tell you like look i i notice anti-semitism when i see it and uh if anybody's got a good sense of humor, it's those people.

They usually have fun with it themselves. I never saw it in Harry Potter, though. Those are the fucking goblins. Nell notices it in a game-respect-game kind of way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't... He's like, I'm not joining in on that joke. We have many Jewish friends. I'm trying to have a on that joke. We have many Jewish friends.

I'm not here. I have many Jewish friends. Do you have any Jewish friends as a backup? I actually, at one point when I was living in LA, I was living in a house with five Jews. I was the only Gentile. And God, just Passover

celebrations. No, they were paying the rent. You could pass. Guys, every month, splitting this utility five ways is a bitch. It's not hard math. The house always smelled of gefilte fish and latkes. It was beautiful. It was a wonderful time. Half of that's good. Gefilte fish, no. Latkes are good. That's just potatoes

and bread, right? Everyone likes that. Everyone likes a potato pancake. No, I love the Jews. They are a naturally funny people. Just watch some of them. Yeah, they've gone through so much. That's why the anti-Semitism drives me so nuts.

They go, guys, you don't like comedy? Oh, these Jews, they're ruining everything. I'm like, well, not everything. Seinfeld. You're not watching Curb? Come on. Banking. Banking is good. The hilarious season of banking we're in right now.

Circumcision. We don't know where it's going to go. Cosmetic surgery for baby penises is important. It's important for men. Vito, we have a real sticky issue here at Circumcision. Now, I am so pro-Circumcision. Why'd you call it real sticky issue here at circumcision now i am so pro circumcision why'd you call it a sticky issue that makes it sound even have you ever performed a circumcision you'd know no how high is it he circumcised his cat well i don't wear

gloves i actually became you know you can go online you become like a uh ordained so you can marry people i went online and became a moil so if anybody ever wants to step on over to the wild side, I'll do you up. I've got the tools and everything. These guys are both anti-circumcision and I just don't fucking get it. They want their kids to have ugly penises that may or may not turn women off.

Yeah. No, you gotta pull back. You don't want that head on there. My whole thing... Look, i win this argument every time with one fucking statement there are some women out there who don't care but there are some women who do and as a man you don't want to be cutting the pie the the pie diagram of women who will fuck you no cut your dick skin off and all the wonderful sensation you'll no ponytails no foreskin like like no no socks and sandals these are just little things you can do to not alienate huge swaths of

women who might otherwise want to suck on your cock okay get a cut if if i were uncircumcised right now i would be getting it done you're retarded no you would not i would be you're an you're a bald-faced idiot if you're saying I would optionally go in and have sensitive skin removed from my penis. Today. Today I would go. I wouldn't be here right now. I would be coming to you live from the fucking surgery.

You'd be coming to me live from the surgery. Dude, honestly, I would not put it past Kyle to get spitefully circumcised and then go badly and him be wiping tears to come on the show and be like, it's great! I see him going through the book like a barber looking at the different cuts they have available. Leave a little angle

up there. Like a little one-fourth. Can you make it curve up? Can you do the star cut? Yeah, let's do that. I want like a business in the front, curry in the back. A crown?

Can you make it like a crown? I'd be okay with keeping it. It'd look like a Chinese finger puzzle. You know what? I want it to be like tightened up on one end, but I want a huge amount of foreskin on the back. Like a... I want a couch underneath.

I got some goo down there. Like a mullet. Yes, thank you goo down there yes thank you that would be good it'd be like hockey hair for your dick now look and and this is the polarizing issue because some of your mothers didn't love you but i'm telling you right now it's worth the pain go get it done um i have a friend you can tell people who are smart who opt into 500 procedures to electively remove part of their child's genital skin at birth. $500? Oh, probably more than that. $500 is all it costs? Oh, more than that, I would guess. They sold my foreskin for more than that, okay?

Yeah, you're responsible for getting rid of a couple of those wrinkles on Gwyneth Paltrow's face, I bet. The average cost of an adult circumcision. Guys, it's over-under. What do you think the average cost is? Oh, an adult circumcision? That's got's over under. What do you think the average cost is? Oh, an adult circumcision? That's got to be like a $2,000 procedure. Well, there's not a lot of

people opting in. $2,000 for Kyle. Who else? Come on. $1,800. $1,800 for Taylor. Woody? I'm going to go $1,500. You guys are all low. The natural average for an adult circumcision is $6,598.

All right. Baby circumcision. Prices. Name them. Vaginoplasty is like $2,000, $3,000. This is nonsense. How much is a baby circumcision? Taylor? I don't know. You didn't know before? Why did you play his game and not mine?

Oh, I didn't know you had it looked up. $500. I'll stick with my original guess. All right, Taylor, or Kyle What's the question, I'm sorry How much did you pay for a baby circumcision Oh, that's probably today, in modern times Yes, right now 350

Pretty good, Vito I assume if it's done at the hospital, when do they do it Immediately Do they do it when you're born Yes, I would imagine it's just a free procedure, I could be wrong Yeah, Zach said between 250 and 400, I saw 150 and 400 Do they do it while you're born? Yes. I would imagine it's just a free procedure. I could be wrong. Yeah. Yeah.

Zach said between 250 and 400. I saw 150 and 400. Nice. 150 and 400. Depends on the hospital, I'm sure. Despicable. Were you born in a hospital named after nuns and shit like me? I think so. I don't know the name of the hospital where I was born.

I was born in Camden, New Jersey. It's the lowest class city I've ever heard of. Holy shit. Yeah, I remember that from the Sopranos. That's where they would hide where the black people live. Camden? I've heard that name. That's black New Jersey. That's scary. Is that not

a good part of it? Do you gotta connect that statement, Kyle? Is that necessary? That's black New Jersey. That's scary. Oh, shit. We it's a vibrant part of new jersey that we all colorful that's the most colorful part of the state very colorful very colored people north care every time i hear about north carolina, it's getting shit on. And New Jersey.

I think about Woody when I see it on the internet. It's Reddit that hates you, not me. Every time I see something about New Jersey, it's about crime and pollution. And whenever I see North Carolina, it's about how the conservatives are dicing the map a different way or taking away the rights. They're like, maybe some of the Jim Crow stuff was okay, right?

They're really going backwards. They're opening up the gun stuff. We just outlawed abortion, I guess, here in North Carolina. I thought they did that already. No, no. Our governor

vetoed it, but there was a super majority in the Senate, so it took a little bit and uh um gerrymandering i guess is a really big thing yeah i can't imagine that sticks around for long the supreme court just ruled against gerrymandering in alabama and supposedly they're going to lose a seat here in new jersey in north carolina because of it i mean like the abortion thing like i imagine that gets flipped back quickly in North Carolina. It's pretty purple, and it's like it's a heavily motivating thing

for blue voters. Like, it's insanely motivating. I hear your thought process, but the way the gerrymandering works, it's really difficult for us to get a Democratic majority. They have a super majority. Like, they're rewriting the laws of North Carolina and making it like fucking if the south

rose again capitals probably uh and raleigh durham right like that's where they'd stick it you think they're trying to like sneak in as much or get past for the super majority as much stuff as they can and it'll be a giant swing back or i guess not as giant as you'd say yeah it's been a success for them they outlawed like certain kinds of science having to do with climate warming. They outlawed abortion after so many weeks. We used to need permits to get pistols, which I didn't realize the history behind it until Kyle taught me.

But now you don't need permits to get pistols. Yeah, it was part of the Jim Crow law. It was to keep guns out of black people's hands. It's a law they'd enforce sometimes, and sometimes not. not back in the day what you could do is you found a black guy who had a gun and ho ho looks like you broke this law that we never ever enforce but then in modern times no no no that they won't sell it to you unless you get the permit where where the in where it was done my understanding the sheriff had to approve your permit and it was basically there was a period of time where they approved white people and

not black people. Yep. Yep. So, but now it seems like a lot of stuff is constitutional carry and everybody everywhere is starting to be able to just carry your gun on the outside of your pants or inside your pants or however you want to carry your gun, which I like, you know, personally, I wish, I wish there were just machine guns everywhere just just just like like iraq i'm usually on machine my rack is so safe i can't tell if you're joking very safe but um silencers should be everywhere

silencers should be thought of as like courteous yeah none of this weapon yeah they are in the uk if my neighbor is defending his life i I don't need to wake up. I don't want him to do it rudely. If you show up at the shooting range with no silencer, everyone should look down their nose at you as a poor. You didn't

have another bill in the bank. It's only a thousand more. I want those cool Iraqi gun turrets that you saw in the Iraq War on top of the Walmarts and shit. Oh, like the Roof Koreans. Yeah, exactly.

They have a belt fed.50. Defending their nail salon. We should just embrace our image as the gun-loving country and just have cannons on every building. Why not? It'll be like a cool touristy thing.

Cannons do sound dope. You should put them in our front yard instead of flags. It's just as American. I wonder how long it's going to be before we have a RoboCop-type scenario where we have some sort of automaton or cyborg-type scenario running around enforcing the law some

sort of robot away with red light cameras yeah but i need a like a bot who will chase people down and hate crime them and imagine they could they would they'd be like oh the the the robot was racist what are you talking about so they do anything they want when it's a robot yes you put the robots black we're plausible yeah we make black robots yeah this robot's a black face that robot identifies as a black man so you're the race yeah think about that wow question that or like i've seen those like robot dog things um but those are pretty terrifying that's the future of it i feel like they are already well past the speed they need to apprehend people with those compared to the bipedal robots if you're even vaguely in shape

you're blowing past those things even the best like boston technology ones they've shown i can outrun a bipedal robot yeah definitely one of the bottom quartile of runners i think but we're we could all do it what as long as you don't like try to do that thing that it does on the platform like it's fucking nintendo do a flip it could definitely beat me i've never seen it run a sidewalk gymnastics yeah but you're not going to be parkouring away from it you know i'm going to run across traffic like it's not catching up yeah it's gonna be exactly it's gonna go across the crosswalk and and like no it's not catching me it's not i mean isn't it carrying like uh like 200 pounds of electronics on its back you know sure that's

the problem can you imagine getting getting tackled and apprehended by like a 280 pound like sharp piece of metal so i all right so i didn't know how fast it was i googled it and it turns out it's 1.6 meters per second which is a fucking gay unit of measurement but that is three and a half miles an hour i can run that fast oh yeah i can skip faster than you flip that thing off walking backwards like no i'd be much more afraid of something they can hover and talk to me and if i don't obey its commands it has like an array of things to shoot me with like maybe it's got a taser or a or something but it's also got like a goddamn pistol like imagine a drone flies up that's the size of like and it's got a gun it says identify yourself and you like, fucking shakily show it your ID. And a little screen pops up,

thumbprint, oh god. They're like Acme drones. It's like, god, I don't know how it has that giant blunderbuss and that tiny little drone when it comes out. I mean, they have drones with machine guns on them. If you've watched this Ukraine war, they could absolutely... That's now.

The weirdest thing about the Ukraine war is that the drone footage it's not like they're not doing any advanced warfare it's literally just like let's put a grenade on this flying thing and then drop it on some guys and i've been watching all these videos where i'm like man that sucks that guy looks super comfy in that trench just like ah this is great i'm having a great time and just some fucker with a drone just goes and then just drops a grenade on his head i'm like oh that's not that's not ethan up by bugs what the day i'm not gonna lie i watched it though and i was like i kind of want to pilot the grenade drone

it seems like you can go there and do that if you want i think you have to be an elite gamer no you don't you can just fly and like get good enough with a drone and then go over there if you go there with your own money and your own drone they'll send you right out there and let you blow people up sir we can't access his cod account but his racism is impeccable i believe he's a real hubstopper he's's a true gamer. He's a true gamer. We can barely get through the interview. It's way out of timing now, but Camden, New Jersey, higher violent crime rate than St. Louis.

Yes, get fucked. What? No, you act like you won that? I won. We have the higher violent crime rate. You've been incorrect the whole time. I don't want to win this competition. St. Louis, and you know what?

This is probably some weird anomaly. St louis will be back on top soon i i i'm over here with like the teen witch lyrics in my head like i'm hot you're not if you want to hang with me i'll give it one shot top that right like what the fuck is that you don't know the teen witch movie on you not me the teen witch movie my god, this is an iconic viral rap. It is horrific. Supersonic, idiotic, disrespectful. Thank you! Who wouldn't want to go and top that?

You're fantastic. I think I have heard this. Dude, honestly, Vito brought me home. I have heard this all my life. Thank you! There was actually an episode of 30 rock where Kenneth has to like entertain the audience before the show and he just does

the rap from Teen Witch that was the rap song from the movie Teen Witch and now here's one of my favorite moments anyway go Camden go Camden hopefully they stay number one a lot of Teen Witch rapping in the streets go Camden. Go Camden. Hopefully they stay number one. A lot of teen witch rapping in the streets of Camden.

We need to get the teens battle rapping again so they stop shooting each other. That was the plan. There really was a whole period of the 80s and the early 90s where gang violence was getting out of control and we were trying to convince kids you can fight with dance.

It just didn't catch on. You can fight with rapping. You can fight with dancing. Cardboard. That's the real way to settle your beefs. Did that really happen or was that just on TV? I think that was the plan. The plan was to convince everybody.

There were definitely dance battles, but I always saw them at high school dances and stuff. Middle school dances and stuff middle school dances not to settle disputes oh no i'm talking about when someone shows up with their boys and some cardboard yeah this is our territory oh they're on a cardboard yeah i can't remember i went to a middle school dance and they like laid out all the cardboard and everyone like was like i didn't compete because while i tried to learn to breakdance, I did know my place. But there were people who were good who could do flips

and the worm and the head spin thing. The funniest thing I remember from one of the funniest things in my high school is that, I don't know if you guys, your high school, we always had these stupid, like, this is Chinese diversity month. We're doing a Chinese diversity assembly. Or it's pride month. We're doing a pride assembly.

We always had these diversity assemblies, right? assemblies right camouflage day we didn't do that we had pajama day sometimes but there was this one kid who had moved from korea and he was like a professional break dancer and no matter what the assembly it was, it was like, and now dancing comes Kim. And we go, oh, it didn't matter what it was. And that was the only reason you went to the assemblies was green kids. Now, I really remember the victims of 9-11. Now, somberly remember the victims of 9-11.

Michael Kim! There's one of those guys. The drill home, the dangers of smoking, I bring to the stage, Henry Wynn. And then that kid went on, So You Think You Can Dance, Lost, and we never saw him again. I think he moved back to Green. Really? You were on?

Shame. Yeah, he was on a couple episodes. So he was pretty good. He was really, dude, he was like legit. Like, he was on a couple episodes. So he was pretty good. Dude, he was legit. He was fucking incredible. And we're like, man, I didn't give a shit about Egyptian diversity before today, but now, oof,

this Korean kid jamming and popping and tutting. Really? Gotta get through the pyramid stuff. It's gonna be worth it, dude. Trust me. This Asian guy's gonna freak out. dude trust me this asian guy's gonna no we had hat day you had a hat day we had hat day we had a camo day pajama day um

what else was there oh there's probably like american flag day like patriotic day where everybody would wear american flagship um and then day um i mean it was like a couple years before i started going to like like in the in the late 90s like before 1999 it would be there'd be got most a lot of guys would have their hunting rifles in their car like in the parking lot of their high school like it was it was a common thing you'd go hunting in the morning and then go and go to school and it would just be behind the seat of your truck it'd be a bolt action hunting rifle um and then you know 1999 you get uh um what what columbine columbine yeah yeah that was sad i remember that day too that was the day where if you were after that day i always say it's like in your teacher's eyes it went from like oh the next generation of kids i'm so glad to be teaching them

and then like the day after columbine it's like all these people the kids are potential fucking murderers and i'm terrified of all of them yeah like no more diversity now every day is clear backpack day forever every day was if you wear your maryland manson t-shirt you have to go talk to the guidance counselor day was spirit like uncool when you went to school no we you know we supported the teams you know certainly basketball and football and yeah we supported the teams big time if you even like acknowledged your school wasn't terrible and just sucked on every level every teacher sucks the administration sucks the building suck then that was somehow uncool and the school tried to like ramp up school spirit

and it didn't work at all until a group of guys like popular guys named themselves the bleacher creatures and they would go to the sports events and start chants but the chants were all like mainland girls get blowies and like the whole town would get going mainland girls are easy shit like that and the school officials were like Well it's this or nothing It's bringing the kids together This is what we wanted A bit of sexual harassment is what will

Make this school great Why are they goose stepping though Stop it Whatever gets them going We're trying to sell Nachos Game against Steinberg High Stop it, whatever Get some going We're trying to sell nachos It's a game against Steinberg High Oh god, no

Not Steinberg High Kids, no chance tonight, stop It's game night My unpopular high school self Was like, yeah, but no joke. Are they easy? I need to know.

Why is this bad? I don't understand. Yeah, I think I might be reading too far into this chant, but someone can, you know, can I transfer schools? No, we definitely supported the team. Like, I remember, like, you know, everybody wore their Letterman i remember like you know everybody wore their

letterman jackets and um you know went to the games and cheered and certainly like i said like the main sports uh and i think our girls basketball team went to state or something like that so we followed them pretty closely for a little while you know our girls cross country team was outrageously good they were undefeated for 18 years or something like that jesus i know right like what the fuck yeah that's what they call camden well kenya i didn't go to school in camden but yeah i went to school in western mass and it's all a bunch of like weird hippies and whatever else so our school was number one in the nation for uh ultimate frisbee and i remember the kid the kids were upset they're like

you don't understand this is going to be an olympic sport in about five years and i'm like i remember the trick to the cross country i forgot it i know multiple kids who went to school on an ultimate frisbee scholarship that's great i didn't know it was a thing So what they would do I went to school in Ocean City, New Jersey Which is this island obviously on the beach And none of the other teams Were like equipped and prepared To run in the soft sand

So they just dragged their asses Through the soft sand They'd all fall behind While our girls just floated over it That was one of the ways they won They were wearing the right footwear or what? I don't know. Technique, I'm guessing.

They were sand people. They had bread to it. National runners. Yeah. I don't know. I imagine if I never ran in mountains and all of a sudden we did mountain trails, you'd kick our ass. Yeah. That makes sense.

I have one buddy who's still disillusioned that he never made it as an ultimate Frisbee pro. And I'm like, dude, it doesn't matter. And he's like, because I think one kid who went to my school did become an ultimate frisbee pro and i'm like dude it doesn't matter and he's like because we have i think we had one kid who went to my school did become an ultimate frisbee pro and he's like i was a better disker than sam canner ever was i'm like dude you don't need to worry about sam canner you have a perfectly fine life like who the hell is sam exactly i'm like nobody in the world cares about sam canner only the frisbee champion other than you remember dude if you saw his flicks you would taylor was talking about that hockey goalie from new york

early in the show yeah yeah i kind of feel that way about marquise brownlee sometimes do i have his name right how close am i the tech reviewer on youtuber yeah yeah so this guy makes amazing tech review videos he has really nuanced and expert take on any kind of like tech that comes out, whether it be Teslas, microphones, cameras, computers, iPhones, chips, whatever. On top of that, he's an ultimate Frisbee player. And I've seen highlight clips of him and he's just like wildly athletic. And it's like, God gave this guy too much. Highlight is the sport that i wish would actually become a sport that like i've seen people play paintball and look as much as i love it it

looks so stupid to watch people play it highlight i could get down with they fling that ball that's as hard as a rock like 150 miles an hour people die yeah yeah yeah people die highlight yeah like it's not like regular hit him in the chest the ball hits them in the head face and it kills they have helmets on i don't think they wear helmets i know a lot of them don't i saw like i watched the highlight of is it big in like brazil or something like that i think we're in south america yeah i watched compilations of it and they throw it so unbelievably hard and when you hear the ball and like see it it's it's it's like it makes a lacrosse ball look like a tennis ball.

It's a rock. It's hard to make it out of marble, seemingly. Even the lacrosse throwers, they're not even a lacrosse pouch like that. They are huge swoops. So you're getting enormous amounts of speed. If you watch highlights, you can see why people die. Yeah, I wonder how much backspin is on this shit. Two motorsports.

highlights you can see why people die yeah i want to watch backspin is on that shit two motorsports i watch formula one and then i watch moto gp which is the motorcycle version of formula one and it's funny at the start of a formula one weekend it's like i hope max wins i hope lando has a good weekend at the start of a moto gp you just hope your favorite rider will survive. People die. People get hurt. They miss years. The danger is so real at high level motorcycle racing. It's a whole nother vibe. They shouldn't let him wear helmets.

I'd watch that. Jesus Christ. Oh, you want to go fast? Let's see how bad. What's interesting that I always bring up is, you know, they have helmet laws now all over America. You got to wear your helmet when you're on the motorcycle, which is horrible because it's deprived us of what used to be one of our top sources of human organs. This is true.

Like, motorcyclists would fall off. Their head would get crushed into you know a pancake but the rest of the body was fine like we had america's organ bank was the motorcycle community and now they're all wearing helmets and we're like well now where are we gonna get the fucking organs that's true i want my organs from a guy like woody who takes excellent care of himself and like his biggest risk factor isn't fatty foods or smoking it's it's just like a motorcycle and if you wanted anyone to die isn't it all these loud obnoxious motorcycle guys and then we get to take their organs and live forever you're an organ donor we had a perfect solution am i an

organ donor yeah i don't actually remember I don't know if they do. Do they put that on your ID? Yeah, it's on your license. Yeah, it's on my license. There should be a little heart on it or something. I think I said no because I'm worried they're going to get too aggressive about it. That is my fear. They're going to get 100% aggressive about it, just so you know.

Yeah, you're going to be in the hospital. They're going to go, is an organ donor? Cut him off. Hey, do we want that heart? Nah. They're taking it. No, see, it's like if there's some father who needs a pair of

lungs to see his kids graduate high school or something, I'm really for that. But organ donors don't just do that. I don't want to be on a table at some medical school getting dissected for somebody's knowledge. I don't want to be a weird experiment

or casually tossed aside. I don't want a bunch. I could be wrong about this, but I think there's a difference. I think if you want your body, donate to medical science where they go and throw you. Actually, there was... Never mind.

There was that story about that old man that donated his fucking organs and they used him as a crash test dummy. They strapped him into a car and ran it into a wall to see what would happen. Did you see the one about the woman,

the guy, his mother donated her body to science years ago and they used her body to test like blowing up a Humvee with a body in it and so like they blew his mom's ass to smithereens and he was like she was supposed to like help with cancer or something and she just confirmed that rockets were on her deathbed she's going to her at least i know that i'll be able my organs will be able to save another, let's blow this bitch up!

I'm okay with it. What do you want to be laid in that coffin so you can not rot forever? I like the idea of being, man, if I could request to be put in that home being blown up, that'd be pretty neat. Dude, if I die of a deadly illness, I want my body launched into the territory

of whoever our country's enemy is. Like catapulted? Yep, I want my sick body set. If we're at war with Italy, fire my body into Rome, into the territory of whoever our country's enemy is i want to be catapulted yep i want to be i want my sick body said if we're at war with italy fire my body into rome and i'll help help we'll flick it right into the dmz at north korea and yeah yeah it's bullshit that you're not allowed to sell your like pre-sell your organs though that like you can't no china's on the cutting edge of that you can't go to a different country but in amer, it's like if you knew you were going to die You can't be like, alright, I'll give my heart to a guy

For $12,000 It's like, no, you just go I don't think you can Who's going to stop? What are they going to do to you? Like literally, it has to go through They're going to kill you and steal your heart? It has to go through the process You have to be on the list or whatever

The donor list Mr. Vito, I see here that you sold your heart you're in a lot of trouble sir a lot of trouble i don't think you're dead you're very but people aren't allowed to like pay money to skip the line you know they can't be like oh i'll buy that guy's heart for like 100k and you go all right well you know i'm gonna i can't imagine that happening that always i'm with taylor on that i don't buy into too many Okay, how are all these rich and famous people Getting that weight loss drug Oh, I bought it from China What are you talking about?

You're on it? Oh yeah Getting a drug is different I think though If I'm going to die tomorrow I know I'm going to head into the garage And get sleepy tomorrow I could say, Woody You get sleepy tomorrow. I could decide.

I could say, Woody, you get my heart. I could leave it in my world. Can't you hang yourself? I'll hang myself. Be a bro. Come on. Woody, I'm going to kill myself tomorrow. I know you need to do heart. Give me $100,000 in cash and I'm going to hand that off to my

baby mama that you don't know about and and which one then i off and then you know transaction done right i donate the heart to you you get your heart she gets uh some hush money that's all good she take care of a little bastard that she was supposed to get rid of yeah fucking liar i don't know exactly how veto you're on that weight loss drug? Yeah. How do you pronounce it? Semaglutide.

Oh, okay. That's the... There's the... What do you call it? There's a brand name, too. The brand name is Ozempic. Uh-huh. And then there's another brand, Wagovi.

How long have you been on it? About a month so far. Is it a weekly injection? Yeah. Yeah. Weekly, you inject it. I inject it into weekly injection? Yeah, weekly you inject it. I inject it into my tummy. Oh, you do it solo.

You don't go to get it injected. No, because I bought it from some weird website and I had to mix it myself and I'm worried I did it wrong. Oh, you got the powder and you had to put it with the water? Yeah, they send you these little vials of powder and then you have to add the pure water to it. It's so scary. Mix it together. It's like, oh, my drug. And hope that it's not drug poison. Well, I'm sure you got it add the you know whatever the pure water to it mix it together

and hope and hope i'm sure you got it right the first time ever i mean you didn't read all the internet and medical science high risk high reward come on pharmacists don't know shit i can do this like i've seen memes about a zempic being like people claiming like miracle weight loss drug. Dude, look at the marketing. Apparently everybody in Hollywood's on it. I mean, have you seen like Mindy Kaling looks like now? Have you seen a...

Oh, if Mindy Kaling's thin, then it works. Dude, Mindy Kaling thin looks crazy. Who is that, Mindy Kaling? From The Office, the Indian girl. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw the show. Can I look at the woman's girlfriend? There's a new swimsuit line.

She has a swimwear collection of how skinny she's got. Can we see hot pictures of this chick's ass? Does she still have that gross birthmark on her shoulder? Let me see if I can find pictures here. You've got a wild memory about some things. I don't even know that. I have a gross birthmark on my shoulder. It's her left.

It's my left. Here, I think. Is this pictures of her though mindy one piece oh there she is now i don't want to unlock no thanks she actually looked this is actually must be older pictures way scarier than that now yeah she looks unhealthy now it's cool yeah she looks like she's like her neck looks like like it can barely support her head now. And she lost too much weight.

Oh, no such thing. She's still alive. Yeah. We were watching She's really funny. She's one of the funnier women in existence. She wrote a lot of The Office. What is it like to be on it, Vito? I'm hearing about how it makes you sick and gastric

distress. is it a rough life to exist on this stuff it hasn't been for me i mean i'm unhealthy to begin with so i probably you know i throw up every hour anyway uh no but i supposedly the idea is that it just you have less food cravings and i i think you know maybe it's all in my head maybe it's a placebo effect i'm still on like a lower dose and I'm ramping it up. But there will be days where like I go, hey, I really only ate like one thing today. That's awesome. You know, whereas normally it's like, I don't know if anyone's experienced being a fat guy.

But sometimes you're just like, if I don't eat a cake right now, I'm going to kill myself. You know, all of us are like a little bit. Sometimes it do be like that. Yeah. right now i'm going to kill myself you know all of us are like a little bit sometimes sometimes it do be like that yeah yeah honestly like it feels like i have way more control over my it's not my food decisions are no longer based on like eat this thing or i'm going to slice my wrists open it's okay well what do i want to eat uh well that's the other thing they say actually it is supposed to affect other impulses yeah they're finding that like as a side effect like gambling addicts are like i don't feel the need to gamble as much or like shopping addicts are like i don't feel like i need to buy a bunch of

shit yeah it actually is rewiring brains uh i think prozac does that too uh prozac has some sort of effect where it helps with gambling addiction. Yeah. Hopefully, I mean, eventually this all reflects and I can have physical changes to show. But for the time being, it does kind of, I'm like, I think something's happening. You on the juice yet? Which juice? The HGH?

I'm trying to get testosterone. I keep my labs. What do you mean trying? Well, I was trying to get it prescribed. Yeah, of course. So go to our boy Derek's website. He's got a clinic, More Plates, More Dates. Okay.

It's Merrick Health. It's what I use. I keep sending in my labs to this company, and they keep rejecting them, and it's taken way longer than I want. I would say this. Different doctors have different viewpoints about what those numbers mean, and really, I think over at Merrick Health, they find that it's more about how you feel than what some number on a chart

i'm not sure what your numbers are but merrick health thinks they're too low but the fact that you already have um your uh your blood work done you can if you're like six days from having meds if you were to set up an appointment with them because you do like an initial consultation they're like okay we'll schedule your blood work you've already got that so you skip that whole step then you just have a video conference with the doctor and he's like so you're you know erectile dysfunction or low energy like oh yeah all that symptoms yep and he's like all right well you fucking need it then i'll put you on x amount of milligrams uh and he'll recommend some syringes well i need to get the i know i was told i should get the pill form because i don't know whoever said that doesn't know what

they're doing do not get the pill for well no because i don't want to be sterile you're gonna be oh well i mean there's a free some free some free some sperm how long does it take to to like i keep a lot in my freezer so kyle let's say they were like is it all yours mr mr myers you won the you won the sperm donor lottery which means if you donate sperm right now or within the next couple weeks you win a million dollars unlikely since i have um syphilis antigens in my blood. Well, let's pretend you didn't have syphilis. Would you be able to, in two weeks, donate sperm with sperm swimming around in it? How long would that take to get back to you?

I have no idea what my current sperm count is. I've been told that it's rather low, but not to treat it like birth control from the testosterone over the last couple years or so. But I have no idea if i wanted to rejuvenate there's a drug you can take i think that assists with kicking the sperm control a sperm um production back in and your own testosterone back in i think it's not a hundred percent effective a hundred percent of the time that shit doesn't scare me i'm not gonna be the outlier who fails i'm gonna

be the outlier who wins always right and have a good positive mind set about these things and i've got the sperm frozen my freezer as a backup. But I don't want children anyway. Yeah, I would absolutely... What's the thing when a man gets neutered? What's that called again? Vasectomy. Vasectomy. I'm a little scared of doing it because there's the pain

and discomfort. You were just talking about you would get an adult circumcision. Yeah, but... Yeah, that was despite me. There's a huge difference. Do you remember my reason for the adult circumcision it's let me ask you this kyle what if a lot of women found like fertility infertile uh a desirable aspect in a mate like oh this guy's risk-free i can bang him they absolutely do they're dudes who are in like uh the swinger community will like, that'll be on their fucking thing. Like, hey, just so you know, I'm blowing

freeloads. No risk of pregnancy. There needs to be a term for that. Nothing but air comes out. Air ballers. This is just empty calories. You know, shoot blanks. You know, yeah. You're air balling. Your balls are full of air.

If I had any reason to do so, I would. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is the pain and discomfort. I think it's like $3,500 or something like that. Well, it's more than I thought. But, you know, I think, you know, I don't need that done. I don't think it's birth control.

How much would you pay for leg lengthening surgery that's guaranteed to work and you're not going to walk like a fucking i don't want to be longer i would i would pay not to be 6 10 i want to be i want to be like my legs still my same torso and arms but my legs are the legs of like a seven foot six man i don't want to be any taller. Certainly not through surgery, no. I could be taller. I think we all know 6'2 is about the right height.

The fact that my son is like 6'2, I could go for that. He's 5'7. His son's 6'2. Pay to get your son leg shortening surgery because it's cheaper. He could just be my leg

donor. You could tape his leg. Give me some shin bone, kid. I don't want your shitty shins, dad. No, trust me. You'll get big calves. Think of the

calves. We were talking about really early in the show the silly stuff where like you buy things because it's political and whatnot i was remembering back to a time that i was i was looking for the best set of like resistance bands online like the the full circle bands for working out and a lot of them are those shit ones that are just the long straight things that you put handles on that are really trash. And I was like, I'm tired of like burning through these. I want some good loops, like quality ones. And so I just like was kind of mindlessly looking like for whatever the top

number one rated thing was. And then it was like, oh, $40. That's kind of, that's like all the rest of them are 30. This one must be a little bit bit better so i bought that one and it shows up in my house and it is 100 one of those like we're right wing and we do not apologize it's called it's called iron infidel and it's got and it came with a little carrying bag for my resistance bands with like a skull on it and it says like get fucked like that on my resistance bands and like i remember opening it and being like all right i can't like i don't want people to walk into my gym and be like whoa the iron infidel literally threw the bag away got iron crosses all over yeah it's got iron crosses all over it. Yeah, it's got iron crosses. I'm like, you know, there's what I would call a not

tasteful amount of swastikas on my resistance band. How many swastikas would you say is too many? That's how they get you so strong, is that if you let go of the pressure, it returns to a perfect shape of a swastika. You stretch it really fast, you're distorting the swastika. You know, that's how you get

jacked. What do you think Hitler's workout program was like? I bet he did a lot of hiking. A lot of hiking with that lederhosen, you know, up in those Bavarian hills and such. As a young man, he looked stout. You know, he fought in World War I, and that's the reason he didn't use gas on the front. Like during World War II, Hitler didn't use gas. I've heard that trivia bit.

What a nice guy. What a nice guy. What a nice guy. Didn't share the... But when it came to those Gringotts folk, he really broke the gas right back out again. Pretty genocidal with those folk. Pretty genocidal. They say, they say, I wasn't there.

I wasn't there. Dude, I'm going to question every historical event with... Like stuff as basic as the founding of America. Yeah. I don't know. Hey, I wasn't there, dude. I don't know. World War II? Could just be a bunch of hullabaloo to me. Oh, I've never seen Hitler. I've never seen

John Wilkes Booth. Who's to say that Abe Lincoln didn't get what was coming? That's what the mustache was about, right? He had that mustache because of the gas mask. Which is kind of like, just lose the mustache. Yeah.

Unless, can you imagine, like, everybody is in his unit, and they're like, this is so stupid. I'm so tired of shaving. And then, like, Hitler walks in, and they're like, my daughter. He has found the loophole. This man is a leader. That's why he got elected.

That's why he got elected. The guy with the toothbrush mustache knows what he's talking about. The ability to not die from sarin while looking fly. That's a bit of bad mustache even uh it didn't look good with michael jordan either no it's just you don't like the short mustaches don't they look weird larry bird had the worst mustache in the history of mankind really yeah dude you don't remember larry bird's stash it's rough was it a hitler stash well he's blonde. The blonde stache is hard to pull off. I mean, he did not have that sort of thick Tom Selleck genetics

that you really need for a primetime mustache. It was bright lights. It doesn't look good. Blonde mustaches can be rough. He's just not an attractive person. No, that's true. That's also true. It's like we got a really ugly guy with a Viking hat,

and we're like, ah, that hat makes you look bad. Bro, there was nothing that was going to make him look good. Oh, I heard someone say that Pedro Pascal looks like someone drew Burt Reynolds from memory. that Pedro Pascal looks like someone drew Burt Reynolds from memory. Honestly, his eyes are very distracting from the mustache. What have they done to his eyes? Very bright eyes. Bright blue eyes.

They cranked those eyes. That's not what they look like. They're like... I bet it is. He's got blonde hair, and maybe it's the background popping the blue out. They've done something to it. But yeah, that's an attractive man, but apparently one of the best basketball players of all time huh

yeah and apparently he was ornery on the court yeah he was a trash talker like it's legendary apparently he was one of the best trash talkers in the history of the game and also like rough right like a physical like i think so people up as far as basketball goes, yeah. His rivalry was with Magic, right? With LA and Lakers Celtics back then. And Detroit to some extent. This guy named Bill Lambeer, who was a real

bruiser. Bill Lambeer's combat basketball. So what was when they found out Magic had AIDS or HIV whatever the fuck did his rivals like the guys like Larry Bird be like

yeah don't want him on the court with me anymore baby I'm gonna kill it this year I can picture like a coach doing that or something where they're like Magic Johnson the best player on earth other than this guy I can't we can't we've got a lobby to get rid of him yeah it was mixed but i think most people felt sorry for at the time if you announced that you had i don't hiv and not aids

people just oh i have hiv people heard aids and expected you to die soon typically people didn't go public with it until they were on death's door. When I heard Magic had it, I thought he was going to die soon. In the 80s, it killed you quick. Magic had enough money. Nowadays, it's not even a problem.

It's like herpes. I don't see it like herpes, but medically, it's like herpes. But the stigma of it, because I was born in 86, is like plutonium. It's certainly more extreme than herpes. It is not. No, medically, it is probably easier to treat than herpes. You just take a pill.

Yeah. I mean, there's no way it's as common as herpes you just take a pill yeah i mean like there's no way it's as common as herpes i mean not as common as as it's not as intense i mean you've got it uh yeah i'm a i'm a bit of a collector you gave it to me yeah kyle came to me he was bug chasing and I was paused up. And so I paused him up. Damn, do you remember that horrible forum post I read like five years ago? You know what a bug chaser is, Vito?

Oh, I know the bug chasers. I know that story. You're not a bug chaser, are you? I'm not bug chasing, though. I'm cat chasing. We had a guest who was. He's always chasing pussy. Yeah. But it's cats. But yeah, if you met a beautiful young lady, you're on the dating market these days.

If you're on the old Bumble or Tinder or whatever, the who, and you see this lady who's like, oh my, she's into me. And she's a little above my level, I think. I think I've hit a home run here. Oh, what could be wrong with her? She's got this and that. All these things I value. Everything she says is coming out right. What could it be? And then you see positive, undetectable.

And you're like, ooh. And yet I've detected it right here. Oh, dear. And yet I have detected it. Would you be okay? Because the deal is, if they're on antivirals, I think, and their viral load is so low that it's long enough, then they are now not able to transfer it to you in any way.

And I think a man having sex with a woman, it's very unlikely that you get it from her anyway. I didn't realize. So you'd be able to have no condom sex with an hiv positive person yes yes that's the reality now yeah with one so there's a pill now that you can take called uh remember um what's his name in the hangout it's called prep yeah so you yeah so you're just like immune to aids now you could you could bug chase all you wanted and you'd be like that's why they got rid of all the laws and people are always mad they're

like can you believe those crazy Californians made it so it's not a felony now to have sex with someone who has HIV without telling them? It's like, well, yeah, because there's like a 0% chance of infecting them now. As long as they're taking that pill every day. As long as they're taking that pill, yeah. People always take their pills

every day. Mistakes don't happen when it doesn't. Yeah. I think it's mostly gay people who take that pill because I've seen billboards for it and it's like, yeah. I'm glad you caught that one. But if I were a cop or a health worker,

man, I'm taking my prep every day. What are the side effects? I have no idea. Probably like everything else. Dizziness, vomiting, upset stomach diarrhea, a little Pepto-Fix probably like everything else dizziness vomiting upset stomach diarrhea a little pepto vomiting upset stomach that is the core four isn't it yeah they're just covering all their bases saying hey if you feel bad it's us every once in a while you see the drugs that are like oh my god do you have mild stomach sharp pains i googled it diarrhea nausea headache, nausea, headache, fatigue, stomach pain. How close was Kyle? Well, it's because when they do the study,

the way it works is they give people the pills and you literally have to write down every single negative effect you have, whether or not you can actually attribute it to the pill or not. So it's more like, what are the odds that someone might get a headache while they're on this pill, you know? So that's pretty much why that stuff's always listed. It's like, yeah, somebody had a headache while they're on this pill, you know? So that's pretty much why that stuff's always listed. It's like, yeah, somebody had a headache

one day. Somebody had an upset stomach. It's not necessarily that the pill's causing it. You don't actually know. Yeah, but sometimes the side effects is like rectal bleeding. Yeah, and when that one shows up, you go, well, that seems like an anomaly. That's the ones you gotta pay attention to. My ass is bleeding more than usual.

Fingernails may begin to smell of fish what? what is this drug I'm taking? your eyelids may turn your eyelids skin may turn inside out well that's a strange one have you heard you said the fish thing and it made me think of this

have you heard of fish syndrome? fish odor syndrome? yes I knew a girl who had it. No, you didn't. That'd be crazy. I think it's mostly in Asia. What was wrong with her pussy then? Maybe just dirty.

Yeah, because there's... I think it was vaginosis, but I was hoping you'd laugh. It was vaginosis. But I did call it. What is it? Did you call it fish oil syndrome is i think it's called fish odor syndrome it's not a pussy thing it's like some sort of hormonal and i'm sure i'm sure there's crossover but like it's like there's a genetic thing that some people cannot stop reeking of like rotten fish you look up fish odor syndrome and like they can't fix it like so in

public the people will be like, I can't. Yeah, an uncommon condition that causes an unpleasant fishy smell, also called fish odor syndrome. That sucks. What in the fuck? Can you imagine how much that would suck? Fish odor syndrome? You work online.

We could all smell like shit. That's the person that has it. Is that the example you brought? Well, get off the beach, honey. That's not the problem. That's the person that has it? Is that the example you want? Get off the beach, honey. That's the problem. Dude, that's actually, that's the only. It's fucking low tide. I see dead animals behind you.

He's about to be attacked by all those seals in the background. It's like, honey, I love you, but why does every date have to be at the dirty part of the beach? That's one of them. She's risking her life. Those are predators back there. She took that selfie and she was like, yep, this is the one to send to Nightly News. To Nightly News about fish

odor syndrome. I don't know if she can outrun a seal. She's the kind of person that needs to be worried about those robot cops at this point. Three miles an hour might be exceptional. She couldn't outrun a big one. No. I think some of those sea lions and stuff, I get them all mixed up. about those robot cops at this point three miles an hour might be exceptional you could not run a big one no i think uh i think that some of those like sea lions and stuff i get them all mixed up that there's all sorts of little mammals that swim around out there but some of them have like

scary teeth and then those uh those giant like um maybe elephant seals those things are like a couple thousand pounds i didn't know they were that big they tower over people that if that thing landed on you you would just get mushed into the sand and die. Yeah, when you watch them fight, it's one of those forced perspective things where because there's nothing but ice and a sloped gradient of sand down, you don't realize how big they are hitting. But then when they actually collide with each other,

you know how you can tell from the physics of something whether two objects colliding are small with low mass, large like you see them hit and it's like oh that's like an entire o-line in one entity that's yeah more than that probably what is like like 1400 pounds 1500 pounds of just and it's not even fat it's the kind of like it's all very productive fat and under it is is corded muscle. Productive fat? What lie have you been telling yourself, Taylor? Well, I'm not trying to survive and brave the Arctic.

I'm a powerlifter. I'm one of the productive fat. Blubber, that's fuel for the fight. Yeah, that's fuel for fighting. You see the polar bears they get like their their claws all the way in to like one of those big giant walruses or seals and then you can like see the battle scar so like that thing's fat is so thick it's like armor it's like you get stabbed in the water like the the largest animal i think is a one elephant african bull elephant maybe

they're not even in the top 10 of the largest animals. Land animals are not impressive. I don't think land animals can... They just can't get that big. What's that... There's some mathematical thing where it's like, if a person was multiplied... If there was a giant who was 100 feet tall,

you would just collapse. Your body couldn't support that. There is a size that... Land animals are no longer scalable. hundred feet tall like you would just collapse like your body couldn't support right there's like there is a size that we don't land animals are no longer scalable yeah i wonder how that works with dinosaurs are they they're always doing their dinosaur shit where they're like we found the biggest coolest dinosaur and then four years later like it's a small bullshit dinosaur we lied it's trash it's like two feet tall fuck you it was actually a tar pit there was a lot of dinosaurs combined guess what the movie's already out dumbass so everybody's gonna buy it but it

was cool and big and that and that raptors weren't fucking this big i mean the brontosaurus was a raptors weren't that small they were like chickens the the lies we've been fed about raptors the yeah velociraptors in particular like that type of dinosaur is a small dinosaur but there were larger predatory dinosaurs that are more like what you see in the movies they were about 100 pounds the size of a wolf I don't know about that

I don't know either, I'll have to it's right here on the internet when's the last time you were out in the digs, Woody? I was out there yesterday yeah, we were digging out in the digs, Woody? I was out there yesterday. Yeah, we were digging. You weren't there? Digging through the digs? I got one of those paintbrushes.

I fucking dust the bones for some reason instead of getting an air hose like a man. Let's fake a dinosaur. Let's go get a dig pit. And let's fake one. You know, I'm going to call horse shit on this because it does have the Jurassic Park logo on it. Yeah, they have a dog in this fight.

I did find another website that said they were the size of a turkey, which is not that useful to me. I think they were little. But, you know, there were plenty of gigantic dinosaurs. The biggest animal that ever lived was a dinosaur. No. No, it's the blue whale. Yeah.

Do you know that? Yep. Blue whale, the king. Still around. Yeah. Largest animal. Not in the world of Avatar where the whales were hunted to extinction. I don't think they...

Those were like sperm whale size. Those weren't gigantic. They weren't... Blue whale's 100 fucking feet long somehow. You're saying the Avatar whales were not big enough? No, they were like sperm whales. They were like 50, 60 foot long whales. I'd have killed them all.

I swear to God, we'd have had them in little tanks, like SeaWorld, tortured them all day. I mean, the fact that they have immortality goo inside them, I kind of get it. Why would sperm whales name that? That's a silly name. Because the fluid that comes out looks like ejaculate. The oil.

The fluid comes out of sperm whales? That's why they were killing them for the whale oil. That is true. Yeah, whale oil is why you killed all those whales. And sperm whales. I don't know if that's why they call them sperm whales, but that is why they were killing them. That's how we lit our lamps.

We just loved lamps. In their heads, that's how they used the soda,, but that is why they were killing the... That's how we lit our lamps. We just loved lamps. In their heads it's how they use the... Yeah, it looks like Kyle's right. The sperm asceti, which is a disgusting kind of pasta, is in its head. I always hated when my mom served me sperm scatty. Yeah, sperm scatty.

God damn it, mom! Every Wednesday! That's what my stepdad served me. I don't think he liked us. Eat your sperm, Kenny, or kill yourself. He'll make you an alpha. Yeah, so after the Industrial Revolution, but before we had the whole oil rush thing,

we were running the world on whale oil. It was burning in lamps. It was greasing gears. And there's different consistencies of it. It filled the role of like waxy greases and also thin burnable oils, just like petroleum does today. Yeah.

How hard is it to get oil oil? It would seem more accessible than sperm whale oil it's not as much fun not and not in the 1700s the real oil doesn't fight back do you want to dig a hole or do you want to kill a whale come on yeah kill a whale morning me over and sperm whales uh yes we will sperm whales are the ones with teeth like if you see yeah they fight they're the ones very clips like the ones that the whales that actually attacked ships were sperm whales they they're the ones with teeth like if you see yeah they fight like they're the ones like the ones that the whales that actually attacked ships were sperm whales they they're the ones with that like if you look at their mouth they have that socket and like every tooth fits into like a socket as it closes like big giant teeth and so that's like what some people think

a lot of sea monster tales were is like sparring up orcas are sinking ships all the time now yeah there's little yachts. Where are they doing? Is it the Strait of Gibraltar? Or do I have my stories mixed up? I know that there's one pod in particular that's got this one matriarch who they believe was hit by a boat and now she's holding a grudge.

So she's taught all of her clan to do this, to attack the yachts. And so they knock off the rudders. They've sunk ships and the people have gone in the water, and they don't hurt the people, but they sink the boats. These aren't commercial fishing boats or anything. They're sinking pleasure yachts that are expensive.

That's awesome. Off the coast of Portugal and Spain. That's the Strait of Gibraltar, right? Your geography is better than mine. Dude, I was there a couple years ago, and I still don't know what i'm talking about but i think i'm on target with this anyway it's really small you can easily see from one side to the other oh zach says i'm right so uh yeah anyway they get them

they get them in the bottleneck and attack them there that is cool i like it taylor will you please do our ass and i'm gonna see what my dog is wailing about like he's all right maybe he needs to come this episode of pka is brought to you by freeze pipe our friends at freeze pipe just launched a bunch of new products that are taking the cannabis market by storm if you're interested in the smoothest coldest way to smoke cannabis then you gotta try a freezable pipe bubbler or bong from freeze pipe their newly released mini bong and tornado bong are priced very affordably and punch well above their weight class. And for those who prefer smoking joints, blunts, and vapes, FreezePipe's new glycerin blunt holder brings much needed icy glycerin coldness to a market

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After the show's over, I will walk out there directly. I will get a Diet Pepsi. I will get the glycerin out. I'll snap it into the top. I'll pack a bowl. I'll roast it, and then I'll eat all the food

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No. Whoa. Yeah. I kept going throughout the day, and I was like, I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. Are you not going to force yourself to eat? Or do you have too many jobs? Yeah, are you on Zempic and grow?

Well, maybe it was maybe too many jobs. No, not on the Zempic. But I by the time it got to be like 4 p.m., which is two hours before we start for me central time. I was like, I really want to eat. But then I was like, I can eat an entire pizza after the show, the whole thing, and still only consume like 2000 calories. Plus the 400 more I need for my protein shakes, like 2400 calories on the day. Not great calories, but it's going to be a nice evening. And I'll enjoy that with The Freeze Pipe, 10% off at thefreezepipe.com.

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powder, whatever you find, 10% off. There you go. Cheers. Beautiful. Vito, what do you watch? Any TV shows? Do you watch Succession? I haven't watched't watched succession i've heard very good things i'm not a fan no it's not good anymore they lost i watched i watched like four fucking seasons of it this week um i don't know what they're redeeming what's the redeeming like quality like like i don't like like i literally dislike them all none of them have redeeming qualities. Did you make it to the end?

It sounds like you might have. I'm like season four, like halfway through. It ends at season four. Yeah, I know. I'm halfway through season four. You know, the main character died. And now I just don't care. I just don't care.

I don't care who becomes CEO of this horse shit company. None of them are worthy of it. None of them are any good at it. And it seems like as soon as they become CEO, the week after somebody else will want to be cp at ceo i don't care who wins they're all scum if they all died that's a good way to end it it's good that they stopped at season four because if if it went on it could have been three seasons i would argue yeah um and that would have been a nice little arc um but if it went past season four it'd be fucking yellow stoning it and it got old every season's the same thing it's you know all these

shows go way too many seasons nobody ever wants to cut it off i have a counter example ted lasso three seasons i think they nailed it oh they're out yeah they're finished it's oh that's interesting i didn't know that that's interesting yeah i didn't learn till afterwards that a lot of people that wrote it also starred in it and uh um yeah i i just got to i saw the last episode last night and it was great i cried um good stuff i might pick it up again eventually uh i i tried to watch a couple movies this week i tried to watch uh the covenant that's that got that guy richie movie there where they're in iraq or afghanistan or something oh my god it's so bad it's so generic it's just like ura american war movie and there's one part

where this guy doesn't want to talk so he's like carrot and he throws out a wad of hundreds stick and he throws out like an orange jumpsuit to send the guy to guantanamo bay and then like not 10 minutes later they find the taliban lair where they've tortured some poor guy to death and jake gyllenhaal goes animals and like continues to execute taliban and i'm like you're the same thing. You just threatened this man with legitimate torture. And you know that's what was going to happen. But when you see it, you shoot them on sight. He told the interpreter, won't need you in here. And he just walks in killing.

Just, you know, the muzzle flashes and like the fake blood too. It's like, I thought it was supposed to be a good action movie, but I just did not give a shit. Did you get to be in? Fuck no. I turned it off 25 minutes in. I quit 10 minutes in, and then I tried to go back, and then I quit 25 minutes in, so I couldn't do it.

And then I tried to watch John Wick 4. Bearing in mind I liked John Wick 3. Yeah, I really wanted to see that. Was it not good? I heard that 4 was better than three no so i liked three uh um there wasn't anything in three that was like looney tunes silly unrealistic but i got to the part in this one where this little japanese woman like runs and jumps into a group of men with assault weapons, and all she has is a bow. No, no, no, not bow and arrow, a bow.

And she starts beating them up with her bow. And they can't point at her because she keeps hitting their barrels with her bow. And there's like, these aren't your average men with guns. They have like samurai angry masks on. They're dressed up like modern day samurai. You know that, there were and with like full body armor and like tricked out like machine guns everybody's all tactical and she's just like not today i've got a bow to whip you with grown ass grown ass man

and i literally turned it off right there uh because it's just i can believe that keanu reeves could shoot people just a little bit faster than they off right there because it's just... I can believe that Keanu Reeves could shoot people just a little bit faster than they can shoot him because it's been his whole life. I can buy that. And as long as you don't have 10 people shoot at him at once and miss, I can believe that he's just always fastest on the draw.

And they kind of do that in those movies. And then I see him doing a little jiu-jitsu, a little wrestling. His striking's kind of neat. And I don't know anything about knife fighting, but it seems like, all right, that's probably how you stab somebody. But then I saw that little Japanese woman jump through that. She did that thing where you jump and lead with both knees onto somebody's

like upper torso and it drives them into the ground. Dude, I watched UFC every weekend. I've never seen that movie So I checked out of John Wick My buddy says he can never take any of these movies seriously because the women are like you're like yeah but it's a girl

like they're fighting against giant like brute security guards I can totally believe that Captain Marvel beats every neighborhood burglar like that's fine Yeah if you tell me hey that's not a woman that's an alien I can fully believe that Captain Marvel beats every neighborhood burglar. That's fine. Yeah. If you tell me, hey, that's not a woman.

That's an alien from Planet X. Her planet has three times our gravity. She's like, all right. So she's three times as strong as a woman. So I better watch out, huh? Yeah, exactly. Cool. But if it's just.

It has always been a Hollywood thing, though, where being Asian is considered a superpower. I didn't think of that. It's always like Bruce Lee's thing. It's like, oh, Bruce Lee. And you're like, well, he's just like a tiny Asian guy. He can't fight anybody. It's like, no, no, no, he knows any Chinese shit, man. I'm just saying he's secret.

I remember Angelina Jolie had a movie called Salt where she's like, I don't know, super top secret, super secret CIA KGB double, double, triple agent. And God, she's just beating up all these big men. And it's not even about her having a vagina. It's just that she weighs 125 fucking pounds. I can't beat up those giant scary men. How can she? I'm not buying it.

It's not training. If I, if she, you're telling me they didn't train at all or she just trained extra hard like rocky and played some music like i don't get it how'd she get so good it's dumb we watched uh birds of prey which was the the harley quinn movie or whatever and it was the same thing where i'm like look like harley quinn's fun but at the end of the day it's margot robey with a baseball bat. I don't think. Nothing in my head goes, yeah, that lady could definitely take out 20 armed goons. One of them would grab her and punch her in the face.

Yeah, I fought Margot Robbie 10 times, and every time she started with an aluminum baseball bat of her choosing. Pick your weight. I don't care. I'm just going to kill her every single time pretty much like if i gave her one like leaned over like right here i still think i win i don't think she can kill me with a single blow of a of an aluminum baseball bat what i don't know i think she who might take the fight you ever see that You ever seen that video where the two girls are fighting and one has an aluminum baseball bat

and she's ping, ping, hitting the bitch in the head and the chick just takes it? I saw one, though, where they're fighting and a girl came and it looked like she would have won a fair fight, but the other girl had a shovel. You know this one, right?

I know that one. Shovel girl. Sho shovel girl got it done she was being dramatic though and that's a little girl i could take a shovel to the head too i i just i just don't buy women being able to swing bats well either um like i don't know not a lot of upper body strength there she's not rotating them hips i don't care margot robbie couldn't take me out of commission with a with a single swing of a baseball bat and she's not gonna hit me anyway. The problem with Birds of Prey was it was PC-13. In the other movies, like Suicide Squad,

where she has a gun, I'm like, yeah, now she has a gun. That's fine. She can shoot people. Margot Robbie would have better ways to fuck with you, right? She'd put you in the friend zone or something. Get you to pine after her. That'd be her big move. Not shovels. She's just okay looking.

She's Suicide Squad. What were you going to ask, Taylor? Is she the Suicide Squad woman? You don't know who Margot Robbie is? She played Harley Quinn. I was trying to remember. I've heard Margot Robbie. Yeah, I know who she is.

Wolf of Wall Street, where she gets completely nude. She looks tremendous in that movie. Two thumbs up. Yes, two know who she is. Yeah, Wolf of Wall Street, where she gets completely nude, full frontal. She looks tremendous in that movie. Two thumbs up. Yes, two thumbs up for that. Two thumbs up for that. Apparently, she argued for the nudity. So, kudos.

I would, too, if I was a mega hot Hollywood actress. Let's just put this in the archives, right? I'm not going to look like this forever. I need to be naked this year. I'm 27. You think it's getting better? No. Let's do the nude scene. I think she'll do it.

That's probably true. Arnold's like, no, the show has to be off. I'm 47. The peak is leaving. Margot Robbie got really into tattoo artistry. She's there on set with a fucking tattoo gun. She's like, oh yeah, you want to sit down and get a tattoo? All these dudes are like,

I mean... No one percent chance she'll blow me a fine. This is your moment for her to be holding your hand for 20 minutes. The bigger tattoo you agree to, the more FaceTime you're literally agreeing to with her.

I just want you to sign your name and then you lift that and like put it on paperwork and documents where would you put it uh oh whatever document says i get the wolf of all street money i don't know i thought you made anything on that i bet you made the tattoo where would you get the tattoo? If you're trying to seduce Margot Robbie by receiving a tattoo, which is a hair braid plan. I mean, number one, she's going to respect you. I mean,

I think you want her holding your hand. You want to achieve that. So, like, my palm needs to be in her hand so she can tattoo the inside of my wrist, so I do that, right? We're trying to seduce Margot Robbie during this tattoo situation. I want a lily around my butthole. What a butterfly.

But it's a huge water lily. Just the cheeks are covered with butterfly. You show her the dent in your right ass. She can get her to do some shading. I'm like, hey, can you contour that up for me taylor fell out of a bunk bed and has a permanent butt injury you should get the moon and that could be like the crater that could that could i don't know what they're over the death star right would you get the whole death star that could be the dent yeah would you get cosmetic surgery would you get

cosmetic surgery on your ass to no fix that no little filler no i'm just gonna keep doing hip thrusts until it evens out it's not as bad as it was when it first happened like it'll it'll get better eventually probably not no but what about you yeah cheek up a little bit a good 10 years sometimes it takes about four full years for the healing to begin. I can see chicken up a little. Get some implants back there. I bet it'd be more comfortable to sit. Think about it this way.

Now there's always a cushion on the seat. You ever sit in a hard chair to the point where you're like, God damn, I gotta get out of here. DMV sucks. Now you're sitting on like 2,000 cc's of saline, baby. And I think people... Yeah, you gotta get those gluten enhancements, right? That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, get some bags.

Put back there some airbags. I'd like to give myself a little more booty, right? Yes, like the air pump. Yeah. I'd be okay with that. Did you guys watch Fish Tank at all? Oh, yeah. We had Sam Hyde on last week. Yeah, we had Sam Hyde on.

And that Airsoft fatty guy was walking around the house, and he has literally no ass at all. It was like Hank Hill. It was, like, really weird. He's, like, a huge guy, and then it just, like, zooms down to, like, no butt. Have you seen his tattoo? No, no, you're thinking of Frank Hassel. His tattoo. Oh, my God, you're right.

You're right. Have you seen Frank Hassel's tattoo? Who here knows what Frank Hassel has on his back? Just me and Taylor. All right, Woody. There was a while back where I sent a text. I sent this text in our group chat, and it's a tattoo called Jesus fucking Christ. It's a Jesus.

It's Jesus fucking himself. There are two clones of Jesus. And so Jesus is fucking Christ. And Woody was like, damn, I'm usually not the one to get offended about shit, but like, that's a bit much.

Then you look at Frank Hassel's back tattoo, and you're like, pfft. Nah, that other thing was fine. Oh my gosh. This is a tattoo? This is permanent? It genuinely offends me.

It is the Twin Towers with people jumping out. This is Frank Haskell's tattoo? There's a link in the description so you can see it. I don't feel like we can show this. One guy, and he's front and center. His head's...

A couple guys have lost their head on the way down. I don't know why that happened. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's an airplane flying into the second tower. And it says 911. I think you need to be clear that this is not a detailed tattoo. This is like a child's crayon drawing. He clearly drew it himself or let someone

design it for $50. It's as big as his whole back, though. It goes from the top of his shoulders to just above his ass crack and as wide as he is. And he's a big dude. Or at least his back is big. And the building does not look like a building. It's just like

a bunch of terribly drawn rectangle with a bunch of it's a five-year-old terribly drawn rectangle it's like it's it's like shitting on 9-11 in like three ways it's like just just disrespectfully showing it and so badly done with like you know it's like if you it should say like never forget you know there should be something that's ironic just do a never forget. There should be something that is ironic. Just do a never forget tramp stamp under it. Forget about it. With the silly letters. That genuinely offends me.

Those people were jumping out of that building burning alive that day. That woman was holding her skirt down as she died. Decapitated on the way down. Why is that such a common problem? I'm sure some people were. I bet when the initial pop happened, there were people exploded out of the plane

and blown out of windows and who knows what. I think that Frank realized, you know, my message isn't fully getting across. I need the movie edit. What is the message exactly here? Multifaceted. We should have him and Boogie on the show together.

Oh, God. I'm sure that's going to happen. I can't even get Boogie to come on our show now because of his fight with Dick and everybody. Boogie won't. He's been on our show a bunch of times. He was on just before his boxing match. We've given Boogie a hard time before, but in good fun i think

um what what did what's the worst thing dick has done to boogie i think the big problem was that when frank hassell uh went to his house that dick was uh kind of boosting it and promoting it like hey look at this and fuck boogie or something so i think he's just really anybody who had frank and had frank hassell i think on the show to talk about it on his own podcast the dick show so I think yeah that my only issue is it being like fuck boogie is an easy position to take publicly everyone

is or exactly you want to impress me be pro boogie like that'd be more fun and it's more brave and it's it's your own take boogie what do you call it i actually i talked to that guy sometime he was in a weird dark place for a while where i was kind of worried maybe something was gonna happen but uh i guess he said he found like a shaman to feed him a bunch

of drugs and that made him feel all better and i'm like well all right all right whatever works man get it done it's good you want a long-term solution my favorite boogie moment was when he described like his perfect woman like his ideal woman but he didn't really say it like that he was more like the question was more like what kind of lady you're looking for and then he laid out like the perfect the perfect sex slave that you could imagine basically asian had some porn experience small yeah like like it was she had to be like i don't know five four ninety seven pounds alabaster skin brown nipples not pink it was like dude come on just say a pretty girl who loves me twist that he was he had like a sugar baby that fit that description at the

time so he talked about that a little bit about like the japanese hua that he had like popping pimples on his back and shit and i i don't care what he paid her it wasn't going back to me now yeah that's always been the weird thing about boogie is like inconsistent branding because i remember it was like there was like a point of time where i was like oh he's like the mr rogers is here and i'm like i never heard mr rogers talk about fucking an asian whore hey there kids i'll take my sneakers off as you know i did spend some time in Vietnam. I explored all sorts of avenues and found new things for myself in Vietnam. There are things they do there that would blow your mind. Wow, I haven't heard it phrased that way,

but it's brilliant. That is the problem. I don't think I've ever come as hard as I did in Da Pong in 1971. There are people who hit YouTube running just with the anti-girl stuff or horror stuff or whatever they do. They can say anything and it's fine. It's only

when they try to pass themselves off as Mr. Rogers. You go like, well, dude, I know this isn't really... I think that's been the problem is that Boogie got a reputation as a nice guy. But then at the end of the day, I'm like, dude, you're a perverted old man who wants to fuck a bunch of whores, which is fine. But I don't know.

It's hard to. Yeah, you can't. You almost got to keep that quiet, I guess. If that's not your plan. You can't be making videos about like, God, I hope everybody treats everybody right and goes to their therapist. I'm like that. I fucked some whores. Two different guys.

We should have two different channels. Dark Boogie. Dark Boogie would be good. Dark Boogie would be funny. Boogie Unleashed. Mr. Rogers was in the Marine Corps. Am I wrong? I have heard that. What did he fight, Korea? Did he kill Am I wrong? I have heard that.

What did he fight, Korea? Did he kill those Chinese? He wasn't a Chinaman. I don't know. He worked on like, I think he worked in like the television division. He wasn't at the Yulu River? Oh. When they came cresting the hills?

Actually, you know what? I don't know if he actually did serve. I don't know if he did. I bet he did. I think that might always be like an urban legend. I bet he did. I bet he did. I think I might always be like an urban legend. I bet he did. I bet he killed men. You always heard the thing of like, you know why he

has long sleeps? Because he's tatted up. Yeah, he's got the U.S. Marine Corps tattoo. Yeah, but as a kid, I pictured like biker full sleep. He's got a skull for every man he took. Yeah. You know who was a killer though

Dr. Seuss they called him Dr. Death when he was in the service really he killed them all oh yeah Mr. Rogers didn't really serve in the military Mr. Rogers didn't serve in the military Zach has this thing like Rogers host of the

internationally acclaimed TV show for children served as a Navy SEAL or a Marine Scout sniper during the Vietnam era this isn't true we have to state it is false Mr. Rogers never served in the military oh there it is at the end

not Mr. Rogers, I'm talking about the guy who paints with the Afro I was talking about Mr. Rogers you're talking about Bob Ross. Yeah, Bob Ross. He was deep cover. One thing a lot of people don't know. There's a little something special in these bushes.

You can't see. What I learned in my time is that just because you can't see what's in those bushes doesn't mean there's nothing there. He's painting his friend's eyes. He's like putting X's in the eyes like a car backfires and he freaks out in the parking lot.

Dr. Scholls, you know, with the art support. He's a real madman. How lucky are we that we didn't have to go to a gunner? Dr. Scholls, he was a killer. No, he was a Nazi? Dr. Scholls, he was a killer? No, he was a Nazi. Dr. Scholl came over as part of Operation Toothbrush after the war. He experimented on Jewish children's feet to try and find the perfect arch.

And all that information was too valuable to the Allies to just toss away. There was a huge battle between the U.S. and the Soviets for Dr. Scholl's technology. The Soviets wanted Dr. Scholl really bad. They almost got Dr. Pepper, but we got him out as well. There's a lot of coups after the war. We got a lot of good guys. A lot of sinister doctors throughout history. Yeah.

Mengele. Others. Pepper. Mangala. Others. Pepper. Don't even ask me to list more. Frankenstein. Dr. Jekyll. Dr. Jekyll. That's a little bit of a double dip.

Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde. That's terrible. Right? Oh. I guess, no, Mr. Hyde wouldn't count. He's the good one. No, Dr. Jekyll is the good one. He's not a doctor. Mr. Hyde is the bad one. He's not Mr. Hyde. he's the good one no dr jekyll's not a

doctor mr hyde is mr hyde he's the deranged one who does all the killing yeah dr formula i've never watched dr jekyll mr hyde there's a bunch of versions there's never been a good one dr evil dr evil that one fucking layup swish wow nailed it From half cork to half cork. Dr. Evil. Dr. Dre. One of the most evil Dr. Dre.

He's notorious. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Yes. Dr. J. What's his evil Dr. J? Are we going with evil people? I thought it was his name in Doctors. No, Evil Doctors. All evil.

You said there were a lot of evil doctors. I need to skip Dr. Evil. Dr. Disrespect. I don't know why he got banned. I'm shocked that never came out. That is a secret that everyone who knows has kept. Oh, wait. The reasoning got banned?

Speculate, buddy. On wild speculation, this is based on almost nothing. Because he got banned on Twitch and Discord at the same time, I bet he said something on Discord that wasn't politically correct. It's weird that it never leaked in any way.

Yeah. But I'm just guessing. Oh, well. This is based on that. I have no idea. Probably probably a bunch of people. Yeah, I just hate Succession. I want to circle back to that just a little bit and say that, like, I feel like you've wasted a ton of my time and you owe me a good show now.

I told you. I believed in Woody and I watched fucking I think I watched 40 hours of this shit. You liked it at first. You liked it at first. I grinded all week. Some of it's good, but the thing is like a point came where I realized none of them are worth caring about. That they're all

so petty and little. That they're well educated, but they're all ignorant and they're all fools. None of them know what a fucking gallon costs. I didn't think the characters had to be good for you to enjoy the show those are comical characters who are like you know they that's but they're all bad right and i'm not current on always sunny but when i watched it every character was a real dick sure but that's like buffoonery like clown stuff honk your nose and like like this succession is supposed i just don't care who

wins that money thing they're all so petty and they're all so rich that it doesn't matter how much money they have. They're not trying to win money by the way. Like the way that I see it, they're all multi billionaires. Boom. Like that. So money's solved.

They want power. And it's something that I don't really relate to. Like if you offer me $2 billion or a job that pays a lot, I would totally take the money i don't want the job at all you can keep the job do i have to like it's not the least bit attractive to me but they want this job where they can pretty much pick presidents and yeah i don't know how it got so popular and everything i i wouldn't care about power or owning my own like like i would just like maybe own one of the dozen businesses

that they own and like make that your little pet project and just move on with life as a three three billion dollars whatever i think like each of them owns five percent of the company it comes to two or three bill once they cash out and it's like just leave this is like like ruining your life you're fighting so hard for daddy's like love and who goddamn cares because like stop and take a look at who he loves right now who is he treating good right now no one other than that lady that sucks his dick and he'll have a new lady to suck his dick in eight months he doesn't treat anyone well because he's evil and you're evil and you're evil and you're evil you're all fucking evil but there's like a while like when kend Kendall was about to fall on his sword

and then pulled the old switcheroo. Do you want me to... I'm going to spoil it. Yeah, but I just didn't care. And he finally earned his father's love, even if it was momentarily. He got that smile out of him. Even though he's stabbing his dad in the back,

his dad's well-played. Like a guy who just lost at chess. I'm liking Silo a lot. That's the show on Apple TV where the people are living down in the goddamn bunker. I'm all caught up. Wait, I have a counterpoint. Yeah. I'm watching

From because of you. I don't owe you anything. Season 1 was good, though. I'm out on From. I'm not getting MGM again. Yeah, I'm unsubscribing. Well, From is on the Plex if you want to jump on the Plex wagon train. But in the last episode of From, I fell asleep like 20 minutes in.

I don't know how it ended, and I didn't go back. So I think I'm just going to stop watching From. I'm sorry. From turned to horse shit. It's lost all over again they don't know what's gonna fucking happen if they do they're taking so goddamn long that i'm not gonna continue along for the ride subscribing to something called mgm plus get the fuck out of here no uh but but over on apple tv silo uh it's based on a three book series that's finished so if you

wanted to and i'm going to this weekend, I'm going to read ahead and I'll know how this whole thing ends, I guess, because I'm all caught up with the episodes. It's real good. It's real good. I don't think it's going to turn to shit. They've got good actors. Tim Robbins is in it, among others.

They seem to have a good budget. They're secured for season two. Season two is filming now. They're not not gonna pull the rug out from under you just yet and like like netflix will sometimes with this one season shows there's been a few of those yeah netflix has got to stop that man what is that about or even shows that like had a good following they just like i'm like you got to do like at least a final episode like that show glow that i remember people were talking about forever the the female wrestling show yeah i didn't watch it either but i'm also like well you know even if it has a big fan base don't you kind of owe them like a little

finale yeah i'm like oh yeah we strung you along and forever and we're not gonna ever do anything with it it's so weird yeah it has a bad rep for that. I wonder if they'll turn it around. Maybe they weren't aware of the problem and then they became aware of the problem but out of momentum shows got cancelled anyway and they couldn't fix their reputation

instantly. I think they were probably chasing the because very often it's rare. A show has to be super successful for subsequent seasons to really blow out the first season. Like often by people attempting to watch like they'll get high ratings just because it's new and being promoted so heavily. So like they might be not doing sufficient market research, investing a ton into these because they get like initial interest. And then because of the glut of total content out there it's not competitive after the first season. In my opinion,

it's not uncommon for a show to take a year or two to find its legs. I'll throw out The Office. Oh, all the time! Especially comedies. Star Trek. All the Star Treks were shit the first season. Those are all successes.

That's kind of true. It's not like you can say, oh, this show's shitty this year and its first season's probably are all successes. That's kind of true. Yeah. It's not like you can say oh, this show's shitty this year and it's first season. It's probably going to be great. That's not a great indicator, but still, you got to give them a little time to find their legs. No, I agree. I agree. I also it's just like people are like, hey, you should watch this Netflix

show. And I'm like, I'll wait until they're done making it because I'm not going to get invested in a show and then have it get canceled my way through. I'm like, well, what's the point of that? I don't even get a conclusion. I don't want to start a story because I'm not going to get invested in a show. And then have it get canceled my way through. I'm like, well, what's the point of that? I don't even get a conclusion to it. I don't want to start a story and not get a conclusion to it.

What was the Netflix show where you had the criminal profilers at the FBI? Mind Hunters. Mind Hunters was one of the best shows on television. Such a great first season. I didn't like the second season as much. I didn't like it as much, but that guy, serial killer that they go the big dude ed kemper yeah they got to play ed kemper i've watched it side by side with the real interviews and it's

it's unreal how it's so similar i think they may have gotten the wrong guy i'm a little yeah yeah like did they let ed kemper out did he act in that movie i can't tell dude ed kemper was scary because it was like he's like he's sinister just like a serial killer but unlike ted bundy at five nine he's six eleven and he has hands the size of dishware and he's going to kill you he's going to strangle you to death co-ed killer right he was the co-ed killer um so so we'd be fine you know um he would pick up uh young ladies he had a vehicle and be like hey you know this hot out don't you want to ride from the university over to the other side of town yeah yeah dude wait why are we going up on this mountainous road

don't worry about this it's just my hammer and then yeah why are your going up on this mountainous road? Don't worry about this. This is just my hammer. And then he just... Why are your feet sticking out the bottom of the car like the Flintstones? And you're running down the hill. No, he beat his mother to death with a hammer and decapitated her. I don't know if he fucked her mouth or not. That might just be... He did fuck down the neck hole.

And he talked about... If you don't fuck your mother in the mouth after she's dead, did you really kill her? Does it really count? That was his perspective. Did you really love her is the question yeah that's perfect did you even love her you imagine what's the angle they take you sicko and he's like like that's like literally probably what it was he's like i loved her more than anything

and it's like your dick is in her neck hole right now oh i saw um over on it you know a lot of the subreddits went down this week everybody Everybody's protesting that Reddit wants to be profitable. Good job. But if I saw the NBA circle jerk, they stayed up. We're the new NBA. But they didn't mean it. So all the NBA people are like trying to talk basketball. And they're like, hey, look at this.

It's the autopsy of a rapist. And when I saw it, I thought, damn, it must be a Middle Eastern thing, like where they stoned a rapist to death or something. And I kept looking at it, and it's a drawing of a body, a torso missing the arms and missing the legs. And they're scribbled, like

charred flesh here, you know, exposed bone here, etc., etc., brain missing. And I'm like, what am I looking at? It's Kobe Bryant's autopsy. Oh my god.

They went so dark with the joke that I thought it was a hate crime that I was looking at. You can see where his children's names were tattooed on his bicep and the rest of his arms missing. He had one eye left, the other eye, and the skull around it's gone, just blown apart apparently.

And then today I saw another post on there, and it was a picture of Conor McGregor, and it said Conor McGregor accused of raping woman after NBA finals. And someone wrote, he's got that black mamba energy because because you know he could be brian also raped that lady in colorado after after the final thanks for the clarification yeah dying in a helicopter crash that really tears you up Thank you. I wasn't sure you'd get the joke. Yeah. Dude,

dying in a helicopter crash, that really tears you up. Yeah. I don't know why I thought, why I thought bodies would like be more intact than that. But yeah, I, cause Kyle sent this to our WhatsApp and I also didn't know what it was. And I'm like,

Oh my God, this guy, Kobe. Oh, so, so okay so this is kobe didn't have an arm and kobe's entire body from like the belly button down was ripped off and like scald gone it's yeah the worst part about the helicopter thing is that it wasn't just him it was like his daughter had brought her friends and i imagine the whole day before they're like i'd see i always had this narrative in my head where there's one kid who they all bullied, and it's like, we're going on Kobe Bryant's helicopter,

and you're not allowed to come. And then today on Super Sweet 16, we're going up with Kobe Bryant and his daughter and the bad bitches! And they're all throwing up gang signs and shit, and you're just like, I wish that fucker would go down. I mean, that'd be the best episode of Super Sweet 16 ever.

Yeah, I always bring that up that he raped that young lady. And everybody's like, oh, don't you know she was a whore? Oh, man, it's almost like a millionaire sent a PR team after her or something. Nah. Nah. That doesn't happen ever. Liar. He scored 81 points in one game, Kyle.

A little respect. Well, come on. Now, I've never watched a game of basketball fully, but that seems like someone who doesn't pass enough. He was. I bet he could have aggregated more than 81 points. There's a page two with his hands. There's a page two that just had his arms on it.

Really? Not even joking yeah yeah there's like a literally a second page that just had his hands and arms like i didn't see that they might have been fake pictures i don't think it's not pictures but like the autopsy so was it a drawing yeah yeah it's a perfect drawing and and every it'll be it's like he had a three inch cut on his right or left palm and it's just like drawn there and then scribbled over the side in cursive like you know describing what each and every wound or uh thing was and like i said missing skull lots of charred skin seems like there was quite a fire yeah there's a falling helicopter dude and somehow this ties into uh ukraine have you seen the ukraine thing where they gathered the soldiers yes all right here's what's happening for a goddamn meeting the boss is gonna give us a little bit more to this so

there's this guy i think he was a colonel or something and in the, he organized a big offensive against the Ukrainians. And it went poorly. They lost something like 124 tanks that day. There's four people in a tank. They're not all dead. But let's assume like 200 people died and 124 tanks gone. It was a two-week period. Oh, was it?

Okay, my mistake. It was 140 tanks. It was considered the most disastrous tank battle in modern history. But he lied to Putin about how it went and got promoted so now so now he's in charge of this group of men that's sort of defending this hot spot uh where ukraine is doing their counter offensive and trying to take land back and um he has 200 men waiting there for a motivational speech and he has them all you know piled up shoulder to shoulder standing at attention for two hours these 200 men were waiting for him to

deliver this motivational speech of course they don't want to be there they're not that motivated but they're waiting on him anyway ukraine sees this with their drones or whatever it is and they just obliterate the area with missiles uncle sam called by the way for sure that could be and uh i i at first i heard all 200 died and then i heard 100 died and the other 100 were like casualties which just means injured and uh the ukrainian military bloggers so this is i'm sorry the russian military bloggers. I'm sorry, the Russian military bloggers. These are the people who are pro-Russian on their side are calling for this man's execution

now. They use the HIMARS. They call those HIMARS munitions the shotgun of God sometimes. It's an airburst. It explodes above the target and it shoots these pellets, like shotguns. Shreds.

They're not round. They're these abnormally shaped tiny ninja stars and shreds of tungsten flying at an enormous speed. Let's just call it speed of light. And it makes this shot. They call it the God shotgun

for a reason. it's this huge circular pattern that is sprayed with this stuff you might think oh man better get a tank it goes through everything because it's tungsten moving at you know the speed of fucking light not speed of light i know but but just imagine that pretty quick might as well be it goes through the tank and the in the armored personnel carriers and the buildings and the people and everything and it's this instantaneous we're like this huge area like bigger than a house way bigger than a house like tungsten is not your neighbor cheap we found this out when we were looking up how much it is to buy cubes and spheres of tungsten and my god these things must make nukes look cheap cost no object dude i saw

a high mars i don't know my weapon systems like kyle does but you've probably seen These things must make nukes look cheap. This is cost no object. Dude, I saw a HIMARS. I don't know my weapon systems like Kyle does, but you've probably seen the big Russian trucks that have missiles on the back that they point at the sky and launch them. Yeah. Okay. So a HIMARS shot at this thing before it did its shooting. And I'm looking at the damage, and my dumb ass is like, huh, it's not that bad.

I'll grant you it looks like someone sort of hit it with a shotgun from distance and there's little holes everywhere and then you look more carefully it's like oh wait that's not sheet metal those same little holes are going through the frame those same little holes are going through the engine block those same little holes are going through the electronics like this tungsten doesn't give a fuck what it's trying to penetrate through. It's sci-fi like weaponry. It just zips through. The video I saw was a Russian mechanic who had been asked to

fix it. He's just cursing up. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Look at all these fucking holes. There's nothing. They're like 200 holes. Maybe add that foam sealant. Just fill it up with yellow foam.

Just get the Flex Seal, man. Yeah, I think the Great American Innovation Flex Seal. Flex Seal Great American Innovation will bring us victory in the Ukraine. Oh, did you see Iran's quantum computer they were bragging about? No. Man, Iran has this big announcement. We've achieved a quantum computer, which is a big fucking deal. You know, the United States and China are doing their best at this.

This is one of those cutting edge, bleeding edge technologies. And they show up a board. It's a $724 board you can buy off Amazon. It made in America. I don't understand quantum computing. It has an Amazon link. Yeah, I don't know. What does quantum computing mean?

I once saw this person. It means they're no longer using letters. There's nothing physical moving anymore. There's no more transistors or something. This guy held up a glass of water, and he's like, imagine that this glass of water, all the molecules in it were rearranged to like solve math problems. Then all of cryptography would be obsolete.

All this, all that, whatever. And I'm like, that's a glass of water. I don't understand. There's a huge missing step in this. They're using molecules to do the ones and zeros right I don't know there's no way to know it's just a cup of water and it's a marketing guy

with nice jeans and like a suit jacket on probably talking about all the potential and meanwhile there's an autistic scientist back there like not not not not not this is possible nothing in my educational background that talked about quantum computing. I never worked with it.

I never learned about it. I'm just a regular person who's confused. I mean, what's wrong with the computers we got? You know? Yeah, I mean, sometimes my frame rate in Tarkov isn't high enough. Yes. That's what the future is. Quantum magic computing and people being like, this sucks.

This shit sucks. It took more than an eighth of a tenth of a second to pull this up. This computer sucks. It just lost a gun. I'm manually breathing again. This is the worst. That's our future. It was up, right?

No, not up. What's the movie where everyone's up in the chairs that picks up a movie and they're big and fat? Oh, that's... No, that's when the little robot comes down. Let's WALL-E. We will get there.

Truly, we will get there. Rascals were just kind of the first step and it will be fully integrated that people will be floating around on chairs before we're dead like elysium right you ever see elysium with uh um matt damon i think maybe to see that movie again it's not terrible it's okay the premise of elysium is that there's um i don't think it's called a dyson's it's a um dyson's fear no o no Neil's fear. I think it essentially there's, they've made an artificial, uh,

little, uh, moon base up there, uh, orbiting the earth where all the elites live. And they have machines there that clean cancer that look like a fucking, uh, tanning machine.

You know what I mean? They've got like this $80 billion machine that you can just hop in like cancer removed, but down on earth, everybody's just having a real fucking hard time of it. Matt Damon works at some sort of industrial plant he gets stuck in the microwave machine and it hits him with like a millerad of radiation and instead of becoming the hulk he just gets cancer real bad and so they're like yeah take these so you don't vomit your guts up you got 86 hours before you die and they and so he's like his goal now is to become a terrorist, if need be, to get to the fucking

movie. He wants to get to a heel pod. And it's okay. Eminem was initially considered for that role, which would have been kind of neat. Oh man, that would have been fucking awesome. I thought Eminem was good in 8 Mile. I thought he was good. So you think he'd be good in a movie about

aliens? Yeah, why not? you think he'd be in a movie about aliens? Yeah, why not? Yeah. He'd be rabid. If Eminem was in it, everybody would have to see it. I've only seen 8 Mile from clips. I've never watched that movie.

It's a good movie. I'll tell you a little bit about the plot. He only has one shot. I won't give any more of it away i appreciate it thank you no problem i can't believe you didn't catch that no that's good kim baseman playing his uh his slutty ass mom britney murphy playing his slutty ass girlfriend r.i.p r.i.p uh and uh l's all movie long whole movie every movie thing about him is like he just loses everything he tries except rap battles he's pretty good at that

what is the most L filled show for I have an answer in my head and I don't think any of you my left foot the most L filled show or movie preferably show like where nothing good ever happens it's always brutal terrible and safe the Daniel Day Lewis movie.

I haven't seen it, but you've told me about it enough. I think I know it. I think it's cerebral palsy or something. I don't know my like, not really retarded, but when I was a kid, we called him retarded diseases,

but he has one of those where like, he can't, he only has access to his left foot, but he's mentally all there. And so the whole movie, you know, he's dealing with that while being a genius you know he's not just like you're some schmo who can only use his left foot he's this incredibly

like emotional and uh and intelligent and artistic man he's painting and writing with his left he paints with a paintbrush he types with his fucking toes and shit and he like he's like trying to make this woman love him and he's all like won't you love me and she's like fuck damn that does sound just awful his father thought he was retarded uh so he was just left on the floor to lay there while the other children were educated and and doted on and such until a piece of chalk rolled across the floor and he managed to clutch it with his little toe and finish a math problem or some shit that they were learning over there. There's a scene where his dad runs him into the bar

and he's like, this is my bar! But it's like, yeah, dude. I'm familiar with that from the parody from Family Guy. I'm familiar with that one. It's real sad. There's no upside to that movie. At at the end it gets better I don't have a good one

no country for old men lots of L's everyone you know Woody Harrelson comes in he's supposed to be the that guy's equal he's not just no that's a pretty good one honestly it's all about like I'm definitely not calling it bad

oh yeah the bad guy lives Javier Bardem rides off in the sunset No, that's a pretty good one, honestly. It's all about like... I'm definitely not calling it bad. The bad guy wins. The bad guy lives. Javier Bardem rides off in the sunset. Yeah, the good guy cowers, kind of. Just decides to... I think he... My understanding is he sees the bad guy in the doorknob's reflection or something like that

and just is like, you know what? Fuck being a cop. This is too dangerous. And he bugs out and retires. Sort of happens like that, yeah. Because javier barden was hiding in that room and tommy lee jones is just on the outside of the door but i think of um what's his name is the main character ellis or whatever his name was he was running with a bag of money the whole time um yeah it's a real downer everyone dies and tommy lee jones lives but he just he has the he's in the like last scene of the movie where

he's basically saying i I just don't know. This world's passed me by. And they just sit in that trailer and just basically agree that like, I can't even be a cop anymore because I'm not prepared for the evil that's out there. Like, yeah, that's my example. Great movie. I love it. It was bad. Just feel bad.

Yeah. It's a shame. The lady dies. Like he killed them all. That heads tail guy. He died, right? No, he rides away in the dies. He killed them all. That heads tail guy, he died, right? No, he rides away in the sunset. He has a little car accident at the end.

I'm not talking about the main guy, the cashier person, the gas station attendant. Sure, he lives. Does he live? He might. He gets the coin right. He let him live. That's one of the best scenes in any movie. That's one of my favorite scenes.

That bolt tool that he used, he made it look so useful. Oh, my God. It picks locks. It kills people. I liked his shotgun. I think he had a Remington 1100 with a suppressor on it when he walked into the uh the hotel room and shot those mexicans up and i just i can always picture that scene where he points it at the guy's face and then reaches and grabs the shower curtain and slowly slides it over so he's not gonna get hit with a blast and then they're gonna and just blood that was that was

a that was some cool shit he shoots that guy guy's arm off when he's reaching for the gun just completely and it that's what a shotgun would do to your arm close right he'd just cripple it and mangle it up so it's not usable anymore yeah it was good i'm feeling good about my l-filled show what else is a good one what's an l-filled show or movie veto uh did you guys ever watch bojack horseman i've seen a episodes, probably a season of it when it first came out, but that's about it. Oh, man. One Flew Over Cuckoo's Nest. That's it. I'll never watch that again.

I'm going to win this one. Did you have any other examples on that one, Vito? No, that was my one and no one else has seen the show. Does the horse have borderline personality disorder or something? It's all about...

Dude, he's a washed-up TV actor and then things keep going wrong and everybody he knows keeps dying and he keeps fucking up his career. It's actually a really good show. I highly recommend it. That's actually one of the best animated programs, I can't think of, in a long time.

There's nothing else good. Yeah, I do like Invincible a lot. So I did enjoy that. Well, if it's Bojack Horseman, I have not. I've seen enough memes of it that it's like I know it's Elle filled with

him being depressed and sad all the time. I don't think... I think if you aggregate all three of yours together, you might get 5% as bad as mine, which is the television show Oz. Oh, Oz wins. Oz wins. There is no show more fucked, more negative.

There's not... Nothing good happens to anyone. Have you seen Oz, Vito? The first HBO show that was, I watched the first season, but I never finished the whole thing. Let me tell you, you know how people like talk about how game of Thrones,

like my God, that first season, Ned, no one was safe. No one was safe. That Ned Stark, my God. Now imagine how intense it would have been.

Game of Thrones fans. If Sean Bean had been thrown in the lannister prison and then within this is this is 15 minutes into episode one he's being molested by a westeros nazi having a swastika tattooed on his asshole as the pussy now boy as the uh as whatever that actor's name is from the state farm commercials and that movie about drumming where he's too intense of a fucking like leader he's like i'm the king nazi i'm the number one nazi and he's like all about yeah it's schillinger yeah and it's it's i'm trying to think of one good thing that happens in my story about that right there's one guard that like they start i know

there's one one little storyline in oz where they're like oh this guard like he's having a baby there's a little bit of life injected into it and then a crazy prisoner blinds him in both of his eyes for no reason there's two prisoners in the show that become friends i think even lovers and uh it's like at last something's going well like this guy who always loses is a bit of a power couple and then they yank the rug out from under him yeah damn yeah the story was you know that this guy this guy who was raped by the nazis in day one and finally gets a little revenge and is trying to put his like in prison life back together the nazi guy gets so pissed some other uh nazi guy comes in is like hey i want you to pretend to be this guy's buddy and fucking get real close to him

like for months and he like makes this other man fall in love with him teaching him how to wrestle to defend himself. And the way it ends is during the wrestling practice, the guy reveals, I've been fooling you the whole time and he holds him down in the gym while the Nazis break both of his arms and both of his legs. Jesus fucking Christ.

Here's my favorite scene. The white supremacist gets some sort of I don't know what happens to his gums, but he needs a gum transplant and he has like mouth cancer he has mouth cancer yeah and he has to get his gums and the doctor sees that he's a nazi and the doctor's black so he puts black people gums on him he's like give me the black people gums and so the nazi so the so the white supremacists kick him out because he's got black people gums. So he tears them and

fuck him, rape him, make him their bitch. So he tears his own new gums out so his mouth's all bloody and disgusting. I finished the show. Which person is this? It's the guy who gets his dick bitten off by Beecher earlier. Yeah. He's the guy who Beecher bit his cock. He's the big first lieutenant

of the Nazi boys. Dude, I finished the show and then i got arrested and and and then they're like yeah you're probably going to prison you don't worry though it'll be a couple years before we get to the sentencing i i'm just like if you want to watch a show that that makes you feel like my life is pretty great watch oz no point you remember the finale okay oh my god that last ending uh it it's uh dude it's there are a lot of shows that i'm like hey don't watch that you're wasting your time this one is painful you'll you'll leave less than you went in it will only take from you it will give nothing it will only take from you

it'll put a scare into you if you think about doing some borderline illegal shit you're like i don't know about these taxes i'm paying up i'm adding a little extra in there for you uncle sam you've had a few too many you think about driving i'm like nope not tonight let's sleep on the floor you know let's let's sleep on the ground whatever it takes no because that guy was in for a dui he like dui manslaughtered some people and uh the judge threw the fucking book at him because i think he killed kids and uh then and then he you know he's tortured for five seasons of oz and then he dies and it's like i mean as he's as he's in there he's like being attacked and like killing and assaulting people. It's just a constant thing of like, oh, that original five years, it's

10 now. Now it's not 10. Now it's 20. You should watch Oz. You'll hate it. It's entertaining. I never finished The Wire either. There's a lot of these HBO shows. Season 2 can be

a downer for a lot of people. A lot of people dislike season two and the final season but this sound a little like I'm being real choosy and picky now but seasons one three and I think four are very very good but one is killer I love the wire uh but but when I watch it the second season I I don't care about those white characters all those Polacks living down on the docks yeah don't care about those white characters. All those Polacks living down on the docks. Don't care about their problems. I want in the drug gang. I want to know a game. I want to know what Weeby and the boys are doing.

What Marlo's up to. That's a good fucking show. Yeah, HBO, man, has all the best programming. I disagree. It's changed. Well, who's better than HBO right now? I think Apple's better. I think if we're talking about who's made the best programming. I disagree. It's changed. Well, who's better than HBO right now? I think Apple's better. I think if we're talking about who's made the best shit in the last two years, three years, relevant, recent,

For All Mankind, to me, is one of the best shows on television. It's an alternate history where the Soviets made it to the moon before us, and we were like, no, you fucking don't. We'll space race into the 90s with you bitches and they do and you follow the astronauts in the program and people who start out as astronauts in the mercury program end up running nasa like we go that far through time following these characters and they do cool shit we go to war on the moon we're blowing shit up we're making moon bases we're moon mining You know how in real life the Russians beat us to

every notable space thing. First man in space. First person in space. First spacecraft to circle the Earth. Maybe that's a satellite. Spacecraft to docking. Everything. We just kept moving the goal line until it was first man

on the moon and then we're like, we won. We won. Game over. We're actually best. That was the most important one. Yeah. I love that. That's what it's about.

Clearly going to the moon was the most important thing. It's like, well, not really, man. No, no. It is. That's how we tell it here. Well, in this show, they beat us to the moon. So we're like, new goal line, new goal line, new goal line. Yeah. Yeah. And it becomes a strategic you know like we can't have the russians just living on

the moon and we're not like we got so we gotta have a moon base they gotta have a moon base we gotta have guns up there right so it it's it's a fun show there's two or three seasons uh new seasons coming that's a good and it's got a good budget. The space shit looks real enough. It certainly doesn't look bad. When they walk on the moon, the gravity seems right to my eye anyway. Yeah, like that sort of bouncy, floaty.

It's hard to do, I'm told. That show Ben Stiller's doing with Adam Scott. What's that one? On Apple TV. Oh, I've seen the box art, but I don't know. Adam Scott is... Isn't it Adam Scott?

Yeah, it's the Parks and Rec guy. What's the name of the show? Severance, I've heard good things about. Oh, yeah. I haven't seen that. Apple TV's got a bunch of good shows. Terrible. I tried to watch Severance.

Jackie and I hated it. Jackie and I watch TV together every night, and my wife. And it got to be like, it was like going to detention or something. We're both like, can we stop? Can we just not finish this? I don't walk away from shows very often. I tend to stick with even shitty shows. Yeah.

I know it's got a big twist did you get to the twist i'm not sure what it's all about dude it got to be i would fall asleep during the show thankfully i was like i don't like i got away with not watching parts of this fucking torturous boring fest it Was the twist when he found the guy outside? I forget. I haven't seen it. I just know that that's the one where they have this sort of mental break between work life and home

life. And so that essentially creates two versions of themselves who one who has who have lived completely different lives. If you think about if you split your day in half, then you're two yous now. One who worked all day and one who played all day. One who's happy.

We don't even know each other. The outside work person is the boss. That person can quit the job in theory, just end you. That person can basically kill you by changing jobs. You only exist at work. The person outside work has this nice advantage of like you can

have a shitty job and it doesn't hurt their life at all yeah you know like it maybe i don't know whatever it's a super interesting premise because you know some shady is going on at work but you don't know about people like outside work don't even know if they're cheating on their wives at work yeah yeah and they're working with people who they love and and their outside life but they treat like a stranger i'm sure in the show it could be and and like people at work i don't think they even know if they're married like they're just there to do the job exactly yeah or they don't know if they're working with their wife yeah yeah uh yeah it's something interesting premise, but I know you shit all over it.

I hate it so much. Watch it. I dare you. I'm good. I'm good. Did you watch the whole season? No, we stopped about two-thirds through, and I missed parts of the shows themselves. I can't tell you how... I've heard a lot of good things about it.

I'm thinking, I would rather grab a hot exhaust pipe than sit through 10 hours of that shit it's terrible uh i watched um i i think i'm just gonna keep siding with the villains like what what's the movies where's where the villain wins where the bad guy just out and out is victorious at the end because when i watched that all quiet on the western front movie i was cheering for the french when they showed up with flamethrowers and tanks that was i think that was supposed to like really gut wrench you when all of his when his friend dies and gets killed with the flamethrower

and all those people get burned alive and i was was literally like... It wasn't quite as good, but it was close to when Captain America cinched up that leather thing on the shield and was like, Avengers, assemble! But it was the French burning all those German fuckers alive. Don't you... I cried at that. Okay? Well, there's all those awful World War II

movies where the Allies win. And that's... No. It's okay. You back there, didn't I? Come on. Damn, I hope Captain America and friends can pull this one out.

They lost in the previous film. They did, man. And the one before that. How did they handle the end of the series with all those heroes being dead for good? Oh, nothing mattered? I have a movie where the villain wins. Iron Man's dead.

Black Widow's dead dead. They're gone. Iron Man died. Black Widow died. Captain America essentially died because he went back in time and quit life. None of these are that big of a deal so far. They're the main group. Iron Man can be replaced by anyone with the suit.

Captain America can be replaced by anyone who's a good leader. They did. They found a diversity hire to play Captain America. They stayed in-house, okay? Yeah. And they gave him his own Disney Plus series called, I don't know. His costume sucks so much. It blows.

He looks like a firework display. Get the fuck out of here. Is it still Captain America? He looks like a bomb pop. His name's Captain America. He looks like a bomb pop. They have like this hat helmet. He was Falcon.

Falcon. You racist. I have a movie that the bad guy wants. Seven. We need to acknowledge Seven and how great it was. The Brad Pitt movie, What's in the Box. Bad guy wins? I think that is

better than any I thought of. I was really struggling to think of one. Silence of the Lambs is kind of I don't know. Hannibal wins. Hannibal gets out. No, in Silence of the Lambs he's, well yeah, I guess he gets out. Buffalo Bill is killed,bs he's Well yeah I guess he gets out Buffalo Bill is killed but he's like the side villain

Buffalo Bill was the hero Because he was just you know just torturing that poor woman Which was funny Would you fuck me Buffalo Bill just wanted to dance And wear women's skin What's wrong with that A lot of transsexual people are not a fan of that movie

Because the whole The deal is that Buffalo Bill is transsexual people are not a fan of that movie because the whole deal is that Buffalo Bill is transsexual and he's trying to become a woman. Hmm. Yeah, but he's a serial killer. Well, I think if you could naturally get... The non-serial killing part of him?

Well, no, no, no. That's the worst thing about it. No, I think trans people don't care for the representation, Taylor. You misread me. Well, I mean, if that's what buffalo bill is you got to represent him as that man i feel like if you were to put hannibal lecter shit on your tinder profile it'd be a test of how good looking you really are right like if you just put on there that you get to kill women and wear their skin and dance around and shit like that and that's dating i meant trying to get laid as Anthony Hopkins. He was a handsome man in his time.

He's still a distinguished gentleman. Early 50s. That would be playing Tinder on hard mode, though. If you wanted to do comedy pictures, do the full dick between your legs. Like, dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun dun dun you fuck me I fuck me

dun dun dun dun is that your rendition of goodbye horses you're just going dun dun I don't remember you can't see Vito would be selling it I'm flying over you I don't remember. Goodbye horses.

Vito would be selling it. I'm flying over you. Goodbye horses. That's a great song. I just remember that. You're just going dun dun. That's all I remember. I can't remember the lyrics.

Yeah, Hannibal Lecter wins. I think in uh red dragons the first one maybe and then and then hannibal oh yeah i think that's the deal yeah i think that's the order i read the men um and uh he just gets away he just leaves i think he think he loses his hand and uh in the end he does a little good it does a little good through the series, getting rid of Buffalo Bill, but then he does a lot more killing. I have another movie. Anything for a candy bar. I have another movie where the

protagonist loses, but I'm going to need help coming up with the name. It probably won an Oscar. It's a highly regarded movie. It's about a female boxer, and in the end she hits him. I haven't seen it, but I knew that. It's a highly regarded movie. It's about a female boxer, and in the end, she hits him. Million Dollar Baby. I haven't seen it, but I knew that.

We all got that. Hillary Swank, Clint Eastwood, and old black man that everyone likes, Morgan Freeman. Wait, the bad guy wins in Million Dollar Baby, the boxing movie? No. There is no bad guy.

She dies at the end on the stool, right? You're right, Woody. Holy shit. Damn. Is that, can someone tell tell me that's the one where she like the meme she falls and breaks her neck on the stool doesn't fall she gets like cheap shotted by this big mexican bitch and hits her neck on the stool paralyzes her and then clean eastwood euthanizes her in the hospital room and i thought it was about boxing it is She's a great boxer. That's what happens to her, though.

She's kind of like... It's... Dude, this should have been in the L conversation. That's sad. Well, the bad guy wins. That Mexican died. And then at the end, that scene where Clint Eastwood is talking to the empty stool. Yeah.

That's the Republican convention. That's the Republican national convention. That's funny. Fuck you for killing my daughter or something. Whatever I sound like. That's me. Clint Eastwood. I guess it's cheating to pick a non-fiction movie like Richard Jewell,

which is another Clint Eastwood film, by the way. You know the story of Richard Jewell, 1996 Olympicsics he's the guy who found the fucking bomb he was security guard he's like i found the bomb everybody got out of here and they were like oh my god richard jewel you just saved everybody except they didn't do that they said we think you planted it actually and they like ran his name up the flagpole shit on him on the nightly news for months ruined his reputation and he saved everybody he saved everybody dozens could have died you know like what did he die did he kill him no no i don't know the story no there's a whole movie about it they ruined his reputation is what happened like like okay ruined it i wonder how he's doing now that we know.

Probably much better that there's a movie out. Better about it? Yeah. I would be sour. But I guess getting a Clint Eastwood movie made about you, and I'm sure he got something from that. He was at least an advisor or something. He got a little cash.

Oh, that's got to be nice. How long did they accuse him of it before they came out and were like, They never were like Oh we're so fucking sorry that didn't happen Hollywood isn't set up to distribute money I bet he didn't get that much Seems like Clint would take care of him right I think Clint probably kicked him a couple bucks

I bet Clint's a good guy He's a conservative He's old school Anytime there are like publishers in power Books, movies, whatever, you think they're set up to make musicians and actors and writers rich, but they're not. They're set up to make executives rich.

All those other people just paid as little as they can be. I don't know. Find out. Find out if Richard Jewell got screwed over or not. Did Richard Jewell get any money? You would hope his chunky ass would get a little cash out if Richard Jewell got screwed over or not. You would hope his chunky ass would get a little cash out of it. He's a beefy boy. I felt so sorry. I couldn't watch the movie.

He did get $2 million in settlements from the various news organizations. Is that tax deductible? Do you have to pay taxes on that? Is that what I mean? It's income if you win a lawsuit. Are you sure? I would think so. How would it not be?

If it was a federal settlement, what if he's settling with a federal agency? I don't know who he was suing, though. Probably libel against him in a newspaper. Jewel died of diabetes in 2007. He got paid for the movie. That's our black-on-black violence. Diabetes. Diabetes. Diabetes.

Diabetes is a silent killer. That's got to be the number one killer of... What's killing white people? Diabetes. Diabetes kills everybody. Does not discriminate. The sugars will hit anyone. Man, the problem is all you got gotta do is change your diet like literally you could just change your diet and like fix diabetes my grandmother had diabetes she got it

she was like oh dang it now i can't have coca-cola like because her refrigerator always just had coca-colas in there she drank them all the time she ate pie and shit probably led to the diabetes of course it gave her the diabetes! But when she got it, she was like... I have a theory about how she contracted the diabetes. But they told her, hey, lady, you could lose your foot. You're 62. You gotta get off the... And she was like,

oh, okay. Well, take all that out of my diet. And she lost, like, 20 pounds and lived until the cancer got her. And then wasn't diabetic anymore? Yeah, she wasn't diabetic anymore. and she lived until the cancer got her well if you have type two you can do that like like type no there's no getting rid of that yeah you tough your way out of type type one just like um uh pneumonia um not pneumonia yeah you tough your way out of pneumonia you can just fight your way out of that but mind over

matter it is mind over matter thank you someone who knows you have to believe you at the time did you want to do that tony robbins thing at the airport sir that's the tony robbins thing at the airport you ever go on one of those no i never went to a tony robbins no at the airport no the the little like the airport marriott where he's like i'm gonna tell isn't uh tony robbins that guy who's like seven feet tall he looks like one of the monsters but he's motivational yeah yeah what he looks he actually looks like a european basketball player with a bit of a touch of the gigantism yeah i think his forehead's too big there's a little bit too much brow he's got like he's got like

these like poking out at the sides like fred flintstone like these little these little triangles uh uh next to his ears yeah yeah those guys like the tallest you can be without needing a cane. Yeah, it's too tall. I mean, I'm sure we've done it before, but too tall or too short. I'm like 7'2 or 5'2. Make me 7'2. I get reverse Chinese leg lengthening syndrome.

I get leg shortening. Now I'm 6'4. All right, here's the difference, though. The 7'2 guy, 4-inch penis. The 7'2 guy, 4 inch penis. The 5'2 guy, 8 inch penis. Imagine what it looks like on the frames. That is hilarious. Both of those are funny.

5'2 and hung like a horse? How about this? I'm 3'11 and my dick is 4 feet long. It's an awful medical issue. It's totally unusable. It doesn't get hard. Make it prehensile. Now you can grab things with it.

You can smoke with it like an elephant trunk. You got a little joint in there. A little J with your cock in it. I think it'd be good. Imagine offering a woman a joint, but you're holding it with your cock in it. I think it'd be good. Yeah. Okay. I'll take, imagine offering a woman, but it's, you're holding it with your dick. Your dick.

How about, how about this? How about I have a body like, you know, the son of the, of the dude in a mad max where he's like, you're, you're that thing.

But like the reason you're on an elevating platform is because you have seven feet of dick just hanging down and it's multi and it's almost well it's coiled but there's also like a branch where there's penises off the side you can fuck dozens of people coil it up like indiana jones's whip on your hip well that'd be silly you know well you're right yeah that would be the winning maybe being being a a dwarf i'm gonna be five about being a dwarf and i'm gonna i'm moving to southeast asia and i'm just gonna wreck house with my with my gigantic peen um like like a seven foot two tall seven foot two white man what am i gonna do with myself like it's just not gonna work especially with that like tiny penis like my now now like

houses don't fit anymore. Yeah, every plane is a fucking nightmare. Cars are, you have to buy gigantic cars to drive around. I think the odds of being an NBA player are incredibly high if you're seven foot tall. You have to go back to a young age. It's like 50-50. No, we're turning you right now into one of these things. You have to live in your current age as

that man. Do I have to? Yes! 5'2 or 7'2? 5'2. Of course it's 5'2. 5'2 is the answer that makes more sense. You could be kind of like a spy. No one suspects you.

Isn't that interesting that we're all so afraid of being short that we're really weighing this out it's like it's like do you want to be a freak with a baby dick or a little bit shorter than dude being all of our short kings out there become a werewolf some people would go with that well i mean that's cool that's kind of cool like genuinely people would be not a cool werewolf the kind where every Christine Stewart that's the that might be her name instead of menstruating you have to be chained in a in a place at night or you'll murder your family and you're always worried the bonds will break oh okay so you have no i still get my b-pap no you're a werewolf not a wolf man

yeah you have your b-pap on your fool you're fucking you're dying because your wolf mouth doesn't seal correctly the lips are blowing out all right here's the other thing would you care about being tall if women didn't care? Do you think we'd care if women didn't care? I don't think women really care how strong you are. I think it's mostly for guys.

I'm talking about height though. I know, but I'm drawing a parallel. Would you care about being strong? Because women don't really. Being like 6'7", like Harley's height. Harley's the biggest dude in every room he walks into. That would be pretty sweet, at least for a while, to be like 6'7", and just be like gigantic.

I do think it would be cool to just cower over people, man. You're just kind of looking down at them all the time. Cool temporarily. I think 6'4 is a better height. I think 6'4 is the best height. Everything still mostly is working for your size you're not like it's one of those tall people where you look disproportioned and weird because of your height and like your limbs aren't the right length yeah it like that's

that's that is pretty good and and you're also rare right 6'2 is a great height 6'3 is a great height six three is a great height but you bump into them you know like it yeah yeah six four you're like i bet that's half a percent less oh definitely yeah less than half a percent like an actual six especially if you use a couple different other things that are going to be pretty relevant like you know race and i don't know location and income or whatever like now you're just like this tiny fraction of human beings who are men who have you know a white collar job essentially and you know a couple other considerations i'm telling dick jokes on the internet a white collar job i think it definitely is this is not hard this is mostly i here think a blue-collar job involves middle management giving you tasks,

and sometimes you smell after work. If none of those things are true, then it's not white-collar. Blue-collar. I think if no one's bossing you around, well, no, because you're like an independent plumber. We're more like AC repairmen or something, I guess. How dirty are we getting, really? Like tank top.

We're like crab fishermen. I think the idea of a blue-collar job is you're wearing a colored shirt to disguise some of the stains from the physical labor you're performing. I was right there when you said physical labor. What do you work out for? For blue-collar. Yeah. And then white-collar is like you're in an office. physical labor for blue collar yeah and then white collar is like you're in an office you're not going to worry about that am I wrong

no I think you're right blue collar is like what someone's wearing blue collar is you're in the factory floor no drug testing thank god we should implement drug testing I'd be so upset. We're all fired.

What if that was somewhere in a contract we were all like... You know how we did the fitness test? We should do a drug test. I think I'm going to get back on the ketamine, get some mushrooms, stay on the pot. Stay off the pot.

Stay on the pot. That's what a heavy user says. Stay on the pot. I could win this. Stay off the pot. I don't have the score. Stay on the pot. Dude, that's what a heavy user says. Stay on the pot. I got four substances in me. What you got? What you bringing, huh? So on the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia podcast, they've been drinking this drink recently,

and they've been talking about, like, man, this makes me feel kind of high. Like, this is good stuff. I can't remember the name of it. They're talking about every episode. Turns out it's got Kratom in it. It is makes me feel kind of high like this is good stuff i can't remember the name of they're talking about every episode turns out it's got kratom in it it is getting people high oh shit wait yeah you just buy a lot of kratom in a fucking drink yeah in the u.s yeah i can't remember the name of if you google i you know it's always sunny in philadelphia kratom drink you'll find you can order some right now. But they've been getting fucking stoned

drinking that goddamn Kratom drink. I don't need to explore Kratom. You can go to the gas station here and buy a two-pound bag of Kratom just sitting there for no apparent reason. It's an old-school apothecary. What does Kratom make you feel? It stimulates opioid

receptors in your brain. Is it addictive? Yes. I don't really like that. feel in it are there any it stimulates opioid uh receptors in your brain addictive yes oh i don't really like that and i think it has withdrawal effects that are that are nasty but i could be my drugs to be emotionally addictive it would be emotionally addictive too when your opioid receptors were not getting opium and you were a fucking bitch to be around and and freaking out kratom's cheap though though. You just get a two-pound bag and you're solid, man. I don't see how this could be a problem.

Can you imagine Woody like, there's a line of green-ass Kratom comes up. That took the edge off, boys. Yeah, yeah! I never knew who was buying the Kratom. Like, when I would go to those head shops, it felt like they were always trying to push Kratom.

Like, do you want to try this Mangda Blue Kratom? And it's like, no! I'm at the weed store! Like, I'm here for weed. Yeah, I already know what I want. If they're selling it to you, it must be okay. That's true. It's legal, but not okay.

Yeah, I was only joking, by the way. Don't take it to heart, any listeners. I don't know what Kratom is. If you want to get a healthy fix, you just want to head over to dbg.com or whatever their website is. Real dbg.com. Get yourself some safe, powerful gummies and vapes, but don't do Kratom because I can't imagine that's a good idea. Get those gummies. They're fantastic.

Get the gummies. Unless we get ourselves some Kratom pills in which case then you know we'll buy some kratom let's get on that we're in the kratom gummies let's get it going no don't kratom is one of those drugs that it's like yeah there's no way this slipped under the radar like what's going on comments would you like a kratom drink or a kratom uh supplement from us we could mix it in with the lock and load so you're just a... Never mind. Delete the last 35 seconds.

Not a good idea. Yeah, no. We're not going to do that. We got them. A little Kratom in that lock and load. What we're going to do is get them addicted to the gayest drug in the world. Kratom. Yeah, we should have been putting Kratom in the lock and load from the start

huh yeah i my idea was nicotine just give people wildly yeah give her that smooth nicotine something without telling people it's frowned on it's frowned on yes that's not that's not illegal my friend oh you're saying yes i want. I thought you were saying go nuts. Fine. You'd get in so much trouble if you put nicotine in. It would get caught. We come up with our own tobacco, essentially, right? Exactly.

Kratom fucking blueberries. Tobacco. I have a new topic for you unmarried guys. When looking at a girl girl how important is her career um can you be more specific because like all right so i think it matters that she i don't want someone who's like homeless okay actually like and there's i don't i'm not talking about a street bomb i'm talking about like new age homeless like she's just always hanging out with somebody else she's

bouncing around from her mom's house for two months to like some guy to two or three girlfriends who have a place like there are a lot of people who just kind of move around mostly attractive women because they're allowed to do that um i don't want somebody who's like that, who doesn't have a stable income sort of thing going on. It doesn't need to be... I don't care about your income. She can just support herself. You need to support yourself. You shouldn't go under

if I'm not here. Okay. Is it a big plus if she's making money? To a point. I think there's a middle ground where it's annoying and then there's

a high ground where it's like, holy shit, gotta lock this down. If it's a girl who makes $120,000 a year who's working hard, that could be not a great thing. Apparently she's putting in a lot of hours she's probably not around a lot going to partner and when she is she's probably

tired from all the you know working and stuff um but if it's somebody's make exhausted but if she's like the fucking vice president of operations at sony or something it's like how much do you make miss rofstein yeah god you're beautiful How much do you make? Miss Rothstein? God, you're beautiful. You could stomach a lot for somebody who had a position. For a billionaire? Oh, yeah. Someone in a position of power like that.

I don't care if you can change the zoning laws around here, but if you could stick the zoning laws you know around here but like if you could stick me in a movie or something or like give me access to things that's the kind of power that's that's attractive that's real high up though i get to meet people yeah that's what i'm talking about that's the point if you're talking about like normal like girls i totally agree with you that like yeah you don't want someone who has no work ethic and doesn't know how to support themselves. That's the worst. That's not good at all.

But at the same time, I don't really care what the job is. It doesn't really matter to me. I guess a bunch of money would be a bonus. Sure you do. If I really liked a girl a lot and she was a barista, I don't give a fuck. It doesn't matter. You just picked a career that you want her to have that that but what if she's a construction worker what if she uh what's she cool i would love some help around the house i was like what if she has a job that keeps her really fit i'm like oh no i was like what if she's got 15 15 sweaty Mexican buddies hanging around all the time drinking your cervezas?

She's jacking me off with really calloused hands. She knows how to hang, B-Rock. I mean, come on. Yeah. I want a woman. Yeah, I got a hole in my drawer wall. I could, in my basement. Exactly.

All right. All right. Fair. Pick up the gazebo. Yeah, honestly. Build a little awning. You just nail on, you just. Taylor just unlocked a new kink.

The job I want desperately is a handy woman like i want a woman who can come in and be like boom miss faucet taking care of this fixed like that that's there we go she's got her own tool i care about i want a woman to show her tools are better than yours those are better than mine she knows how to fix it i'm like everything's to walt i'm 30 seconds into the first youtube video and learning how to fix it and she's going i know how to fix it. I'm like on YouTube. I'm 30 seconds into the first YouTube video and learning how to fix it and she's going, I know how to handle it. I know how to screw the screws in and do the piping. You know, plumber. She has to be a plumber

and an electrician. I like the way you try to talk about fixing things. It's hilarious. She does the screws, the poking and the plumbing. Piping. The electricity is feeding. How about she's again, like a level

above where we would normally be hunting and everything is great, but she is actually a fucking Nazi. How much money does she make? She doesn't make any because she spends a lot of time supporting the cause. So she's totally homeless?

She is totally homeless? Oh no, no, no. She stays at the commune where they train. She's a part of a militia group. A Nazi commune. This is a bad catch, Kyle. What's the winning part of this? She looks like one of the Hitler youth.

Oh, wait, she's not fat? She's thin as fuck. She runs every day. Woody makes a good point. 10 kilometers every morning She runs She doesn't get an income But she goes to Jewish households And confiscates their property

That's income technically And she doesn't report it So it's okay She's a reparations officer And you said 10 miles a day? 10k It's not a big deal You knock out 10k in a couple hours

I looked up the law thing by the way Settlements are taxed unless it's For getting hurt Oh injury Yeah that's where I messed it up Specifically physical injury Not emotional damage I think it described it as physical harm.

Oh, Zach looked it up before me. Okay. So yes or no on the neo-Nazi. So she has tattoos. Bouncing around, living on a... Well, not anymore. Dude, she would love to move in with you. But all those girls only become

Nazis because they have a Nazi boyfriend. The second she comes over to you, you just change your mind. You just change your mind. Her brothers and her father, they're all Nazis. You know what I would do? You're her new daddy. Daddy loves the Jews.

Yes, that's what you do. You go in with her. You're going to be like, we're going to watch a couple seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I'm going to change your whole thing around. Just watch this Chinese food restaurant episode from Seinfeld. You'll crack up. I've known some guys who were way more

anti-Semitic before I made them watch Curb. They're like, well, I guess they're not all bad. I guess they're not. I went the other way. I guess this was okay. I went the other way. I started noticing just how many... Do y'all have any Gentile friends? Do y'all just not

fuck with us? What the hell? Nobody? I love Curb, though. That's anti-Gentile. But yeah, I think I could stomach the neo-Nazi. I'm i'm down sure you can get on board like like as long as i don't have to like sig heil or anything like show up to any rally if she's a real deal nazi with nazi tattoos i bet i could like one one nazi tattoo what is a tasteful

one it's one of the ones that's like a dog whistle like a beacher on the ass? No, it's on her delt. She's got good delts. It's on her delt. That's a terrible place for a swastika. Yeah, it's like an... Let's imagine it says like 88 and a couple lightning bolts. Yeah, that's definitely like very obviously a Nazi

tattoo. Oh yeah. She's going to be wearing spaghetti straps and you're going to have to be like... What are you you gonna wear it's like a white wife eater all the time like linda hamilton and terminator 2 which you've never fucking seen because you're a piece of shit does she have hair i think i could stomach the turn the the nazi lady though is she a skinhead does she have hair oh it's beautiful it's this long like blonde ponytail like uh remember captain planet the the russian? Looks like her. Okay.

She's like this perfect Aryan specimen. She could be running through the hills of Bavaria. Were you watching Captain Planet thinking, look at that gorgeous Aryan specimen? I never got that. That's exactly what I got amongst the rest of those mud people with their stupid fucking hearts.

Give me your ring you little bitch dude the heart guy was like a 100 the loser of the group everyone else could do bullshit because they spread disease and i take his ring away and i'd be the leader because now i've got the bullshit ring and fire or whatever whichever one i was the black man at earth that fire ring blew the pants off of every other ring. Wind, water, and earth. Fire is cool. It's fire. Fire is cooler, but if you really think about it,

the other ones are more useful. I'd rather not be invited to the group than be the hard guy. How often do you set a fire as opposed to moving the earth or water around? I can call it earthquakes. Yeah. Typhoons. Okay, yeah, the water ones pretty i'd be an eco terrorist for sure they're all good except for the heart i don't even remember what the heart one does like it changes people's minds it makes animals feel like compassion yeah i think it's like an animal controller or something like that it's real dumb

that kid's haircut was a joke. The cartoon character had a fucking savage American bowl cut going on. Like, Kwame was his guy. He looked just like the kid from the Jungle Book. I remember as a kid, I thought it was the kid from the Jungle Book. Mowgli? Mowgli is the Jungle Book kid.

I can't remember who Kwame is. I keep thinking of Carlos from Magic School Bus. Did you ever see the Hitler episode of Captain Planet? No They went back in time to World War II Germany and famously Captain Planet

sees Hitler and he's like and they're like what's wrong? He's not polluting or anything and he's like the hate in his heart is stronger than any pollution You're weak to hatred in someone's heart That's the worst thing I've ever seen in Captain Planet The hate in his heart is stronger than any pollution. You're like, you're weak to hatred in someone's heart? That's the worst thing that's ever happened to the planet? Jesus Christ.

Yeah, that's a terrible, like, embarrassing weakness of his is he gets next to someone who's just really super-duper mean and he can't control wind anymore. He's got to keep that under wraps. Don't let people know that about his weaknesses. All right, here's what if... Lovely young lady and everything, but perfectly acceptable, she doesn't have any ears. She doesn't have any ears. She wears those fake

ears that stick on like Mr. Potato Head. But Taylor, but Taylor, here's the thing. They're also white plastic? No, no, no. They look real as shit. But here's the thing, Taylor. Can she hear? Perfectly fine. Yes. She just doesn't have ears.

It was a valid question. You laughed valid question idiocy of a question of a kind of person with no eardrums are missing she can she speak that could be part of it that someone cut her ears off and now she doesn't have fucking ears outer ears okay the outer i don't want a woman with those kind of enemies. No, thank you. Oh, your ex was the head of the whatever the fuck cartel? Yeah, you can get the hell out of my house. No, it was a fishing accident. It was a thresher shark. It came up and whipped its tail, and the tail sliced her off her ear.

Google that. Look, the thresher shark has that tail. It's kind of a wife's tail. That cuts off people's ears famously. It could. It could cut off a human ear. I don't know how you get both of them, but in her case it did. Separate incidents. They're cool. Separate incidents. They're cool.

Lost their ears in separate incidents. That's the kind of body part you could easily get like a prosthetic. Nobody would even notice. Look at that. It flicks it out of the water and slices people's ears off. get like a prosthetic. And nobody would even notice. Your ears. It's like a tuna with its tail. It flicks it out of the water and slices people's ears off. It cut young ladies. Amelia lost her

ears in that manner. But here's the problem. Even though she has those nice prosthetics, anytime the two of you are alone, she pops them off and you can see into her ear holes. And she's a Nazi too? No, she's straight up like... Whatever you want her to be, she's that.

She's politically disenfranchised. Okay. No ears at all. And she never wears them when you two are alone. If you're alone in a room, sex, TV, fucking like at the movies, in the car.

Not in the car. She wears them in the car. But at home in indoors indoors alone always ears off holes exposed her hair doesn't cover them she wears it's bad it's no i'm gonna have to pass on this i'm gonna have to say no thank you that's i i didn't realize till now how much i appreciate ears kind of adding a balance to the head. You know, you would look silly without ears. You ever see those people get rotationplasty? What is that? That's when you have, like, a little baby club foot.

Like, one of your legs is normal, but the other one's, like, fucked. So they turn it around so you have a backwards foot. And I always thought, man, I could never be with a girl who had a rotationplasty. Yeah, I've seen those now. Zach zach can you pull up a rotation plasty where it's a girl with no legs be an interesting fuck i think i would rather have one leg is not even disability to me it's almost a plus i'm being honest like i said well if i could get her to fuck another chick with that that that stub that would be hot as shit like like if i could i've seen this another chick with that stub. That would be hot as shit. I've seen this before, yeah, where she's lost her leg, but they saved the foot

so they stuck it on backwards to keep it alive. Is that what's going on here? No, they stick it on backwards so that you can use it as a knee for an artificial... Thank you. You plug your foot in. If you bring up my page real quick, I have an actual picture of a lady. I see it. They should cut off half the foot. No, I need those toes. of a lady. They should cut off half the foot.

No, I need those toes. They're going to push the buttons inside the prosthetic. It's literally just making a knee out of a foot. Out of a foot, yeah. Out of an ankle. That is insane that you can do this. Who came up with that? Who was like, hold on, what if I twist their fucking foot around? I guarantee it's Battlefield.

That is such a good idea. I guarantee if you look at who came up with this it's been some sort of battlefield shit we learned it in vietnam or something to save people's legs i i bet that's often like that uh but i couldn't deal with that that's a no on a girl i i also couldn't go no ears because i'm imagining there was this x-files episode where the guy like at the end pulled off all these prosthetics to show that he was this awful. And the look of it with no ear with the ear holes has just stuck in my head to this day. Couldn't deal with that. Very reptilian. But but no leg.

I'd be pretty chill with, especially like I said, it's from the knee down and she could like stub fuck some other bitch while I watch. I'd be fucking hot. You think she would be into that? She'll get into it. She'll get into it. She doesn't have a lot of options she's a fucking peg leg what are you gonna do you do pirate role play yeah well he's tired of you being blackbeard you stick that stub and fucking hochi over there we got a problem that's what i'm gonna say and she's gonna be like well this kyle guy he's pretty good guy i don't want to lose him. I better do it. And Hochi's going to be like, no, no, not the game. Shut up, Hochi.

Damn, Hochi seems like the real victim here. No, no. Yeah, my God. No, she's bought and paid for at Kyle's house. It's a sex doll. It's a sex doll. She lives in a container, a shipping container in the backyard. It's kind of like

in Pulp Fiction. Remember the little gimp box that they had? How could you exist in there? How long since that guy pissed, right? I did always have more questions about the gimp. I was always like, so is he just in there all the time? It wouldn't work, dude.

He'd be all filthy and sweaty. He'd be all cramped up and like like you'd be that's absurd that he's just living in that box yeah he wouldn't live in there doesn't really work he'd be just too disgusting for like i mean presumably you want to fuck this dude right like the whole point so you'd want him kind of cleaned up or something you wouldn't want him just wearing leather in a little box all the time yeah that's not that much that's what they're into. You want to keep them in the shower all day long. Of course, they did butt fuck Ving Rhames.

I doubt they're into... Yeah, and Ving Rhames had been chasing Bruce Willis all day. There's no way he wasn't sweaty. Oh my god, I bet he stunk. That was the other question. I told you that a little. Why were they excited to have the gimp fuck Ving Rhames like is that what they get off on

don't you want to fuck the gimp i think that they were like like they basically were like oh our sex party just got more deviant and then like they just like i think the gimp was a previous customer and and they were going to make bruce willis and ving Rhames into more gimps to be living down there. I think they just wanted the gimp to watch Bruce Willis, which didn't work out well for anyone, I guess, except for Bruce Willis. That's one of my favorite scenes

ever. Ving Rhames is okay though, right? Pretty far. Yeah. Well played. Well played. I can't believe i didn't see that unfold oh yeah that was rough as a kid that my heart was pounding i was like come on bruce pick a weapon and go like he's pounding him out down there you gotta get the work i didn't know what he was doing of course the first time.

Well, the problem was I always watched Pulp Fiction on TV, and that scene obviously always got cut. So I was like, well, what's going on there? All I know is that he goes down there, and something happens, and then he comes back out. Oh, my. You never knew. You're just like, something mysterious. Yeah, something mysterious happened in that room.

I don't know what. Yeah, that was a great part where you're like, every second that you look at different brands of baseball bat he's being raped you have to get down there and stop him he's like he's like checking the swing the balance yeah it's like bruce you gotta have a sense you gotta have a sense of urgency here like he's fishing through the golf clubs. I don't know, a driver? He's like halfway down the stairs. Nah, he goes back up. Wait, does that happen?

No. It's adjacent to what does happen. Do I remember this right? He gets that fucking katana. That's a wonderful scene. That's a good fucking movie. That is. I need to watch that again. Pulp um that's a good fucking movie that's that is i need to watch that again fiction is a good movie controversial take other good movies deliverance

is the other one that that that has that rape scene that just really was off-putting i thought you're gonna like call another good movie like another another hot take another movie redemption i think it's good do you know a way to make the deliverance scene not impactful to you at all? Watch Oz. That deliverance, that rape and deliverance is a breath of fresh air on Oz.

Good guys win, walk away happy. I don't know about happy. Deliverance is a great movie filmed here in Georgia On the river Absolutely It's a little local gym Made here

Those are real Georgians in there I'm sure Even that retarded fellow My favorite thing is when y'all Is when y'all believe that That clearly special needs child Was playing that banjo Like a maestro or some shit

Sometimes autistic people Can take one look at a whole city And draw all the windows correctly you know you never know what they can do like he just plays that one song really well he plays that one song he's like that's all he's got on his plate no man one time i was in like i forget what it was some like government building and they had like an autistic kids like what it was like it was like autistic adults like art exhibit and i took pictures of this one guy's exhibit i i think i still have a couple of them where it was just every monster that appears in his dreams but they're all like timmy tooth time and his teeth can tell you the time and like most of the monsters were teeth themed.

Artistic guys are not playing the piano. They're obsessing over human teeth and dreaming about weird cartoon characters. Only one out of a hundred do you get a guy playing the violin or whatever. Otherwise, you get a lot of anime pillows, I would imagine. You get a lot of Chris Chans.

You get a lot of that. Chris Chan is a bit of anime pillows i would imagine you get a lot of chris chan's you get a lot of that you know a lot of guys christian is a bit of an artist chris chan is uh yeah what do you call it i've said that i think the chris chan universe is deeper than eric july's eyes so i see a lot of similarities sadly chris the chris chan universe is deeper than dc like and i don't know anything about dc or marvel but it's deeper than both it's like And I don't know anything about DC or Marvel, but it's deeper than both. These two don't know anything about Chris Chan. For people who are online so much, I have no idea

how you've never encountered Chris Chan. Describe him in a sentence. A retarded man who raped his mother. Oh, I know that guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got it. I was going to start off slower with the fucking pikachu pendant but now you yeah that's what you gotta go back you gotta go back to where it really

starts was was he won a toys r us like uh sonic the hedgehog mail-in contest as a 10 year old boy so there's a video somewhere there's a video of a young chris chan a 10 year old chris chan going every day i would send my letter to sonic and i won the contest and i got that and you're like wow you never knew that this young autistic boy and his family's so happy they're like oh he's such a clever boy like you never thought someday he would go on to uh have sex with his own mother what yes what a horrible timeline there's a lot of plot development in between those things but uh yeah there's like if you look up like the chris chan documentaries there's like 50 parts i haven't watched more than like two of them i don't think i but it is bizarre it is staring

into the abyss you know i i think i'd rather watch otter dynasty or something like that you know like like there's so many... There's a show called Naked and Alone now. It's like, who fucking cares? It's blurred out. If they make a goddamn Naked and Anything show where they're actually naked, I might fucking watch. Who cares that they're blurred out naked?

I don't understand the draw. I want one alone, afraid. And on LSD, but they don't know it. That's what I'd love to see. Start dosing afraid and on LSD but they don't know it that's what I'd love to see like start dosing the water with LSD and put like five guys in a capsule and tell them that they're going to space or something

there's too much success in the beginning make the show sick and starving here's the show I want it isn't super easy to jerk off to naked and afraid but I like it anyway the point is you have to jerk off to the fear, not the nakedness. That's how you make it work.

You're doing it wrong. Yeah, you guys forget about the naked part. I don't know why no one has made a show where it's sort of, there are horror movies made like this, but why can't you make a show where they think there's been an emergency, the contestants, the people on the show, but there really hasn't? All right, let's say we get five people together,

and we're like, hey, you've won the James Cameron fucking Titanic experience. You're going to get in the submersible and go down, and we've actually built an underwater facility down there, and you guys are going to get to, like, we're going to couple. And then you send them down there in a and your guys are gonna get to like we're gonna couple and then you send them down there in a fake submersible that just looks like they're going down and then fake drop them to the bottom of the ocean and make them live down there for a while thinking that they're stuck on the bottom of the ocean i'd much rather watch that than any naked in a fucking fake show like have five people going insane because obviously phones won't work

down there they're like we're cut off from the surface. Like, ration the... We were only supposed to be here for three days. There's only enough food for three days. We gotta ration the food. Do that to some people. I think you'd be sued for causing a... No, you can make them sign something. Dude, nobody reads their... Dude, I don't know if you can get them to sign

something. Dude, let's do our own... Nobody reads them! Nobody reads the agreement. Let's flip the script. We'll do our own show. I've signed so many agreements. Like, we'd go somewhere to film, and they'd be like, yeah, sign through all this, and it's like,

I didn't bring my lawyer. But what are we going to do, go home? I have to worry about that. There was a reality show like that, Kyle. It was called The Colony. They took a bunch of people, and they put them in this warehouse,

and we're meant to believe that they think the world has ended. So they're like, they're trying to create energy and clean water and shit like that here's the thing i watched that show and i found it not very believable and then a few years later i was in the finals of a dancing competition that took place in the same building that it was filmed. And I realized how impossibly fake it was, how they can see around. They're in a block. There's like traffic and planes and like everything.

It was in LA. Like it was filmed. Yeah. That's hilarious. I just don't know why you can't do it for real. Like, I feel like people will sign anything If they think they've won a contest And then you get them there and they're like oh yeah

You have to sign this this is protecting us In case you do anything They'll just sign it everyone signs those We all agree to that shit Especially if you send it to them on their phone Oh my fucking god you send them a PDF 30 pages deep They're giving you their organs if anything goes wrong.

You can do anything you want. I'd love to see people losing their shit for real, but what I don't want to see is fakery. There's this show right now. I don't even know what it is. I don't even know what it fucking is. It's Ronda Rousey's on it. Her and a bunch of other

her-level celebrity. They're like fake in a fake mars colony and i don't know like like fighting against each other like survivor like a reality show i don't know if we're to believe that they're pretending to be on mars they believe they're on mars i don't even understand the fucking premise that they're like fake martian astronauts doing i couldn't stand 30 seconds of it it was so atrocious i don't know what ron rousey's doing there every everybody on there was just i don't understand what that show ronda rousey's not really had uh she was supposed to be the next big thing or whatever and uh that did not work out at all she wasn't popular in wrestling

or uh she was in the was it the dmx no not what is it triple x the revival of the triple x movie franchise i remember seeing that there's a lot of films you know they should revive dmx um one of the the stuff that sylvester stallone uh the expendables movies um she got a little a-list run there she did all the all the talk shows and everything but then you lost that was it the worst thing she did was they for some reason decided to make her the voice of sonja blade in the recent mortal kombat games oh no you're like oh this bitch cannot voice act at all she's like why would you get a fight i'm here to fight you and you're like oh just get an actual voice that that's the same thing as armageddon when they get the oil drillers to be astronauts.

This makes no fucking sense. Why would you get a... Yeah, it's stupid. Get a voice actor. You guys want to... You guys want to call it a program? Call it a show? If we might.

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