Painkiller Already - PKA 656 W/ Slush: Spicy PKA Film, Filling A Doctors Hand, Nothing Nice About Louisville

Episode Date: July 15, 2023

pka 656 with our guest slush puppy taylor this episode of pka brought to you by pharaoh distro blue chew and lock and load we'll hear more about all of them later slush thank you so much for joining us looking wonderful thanks for having me i always enjoy it every time you come on i am like man i really like his glasses i want to get glasses like slush hats like that that top what is that called when that line is on like the two bars i don't know they're like they're like the new aviators they they brought them out when uh the new fucking top gun came out ray-ban made a new pair of aviators what are we talking about yeah there's two bars there's the across the nose and then the top one oh okay yes yes yeah woody has good eyes so he

won't get this but what you're just have a huge benefit of is it like slushes look stylish and they're huge the bigger the glasses the better your total vision obviously if you're looking out the side like if you have like little ones and you're like a complete bong-eyed retard then it's uh yeah you've got like half of your vision. Yeah, those fucking people who wear like Leon Trotsky glasses and it's like, bitch, you're wearing tiny little Coke bottles for a look. You think Trotsky was like, oh, I'm having trouble reading. I need this. They're like contact lenses with arms on them.

They just don't make any sense. No. And so I'm going to get glasses like that. The bigger the screen of the glass, the better better you can see taylor this is insanity to me the entire point of choosing frames is not to see well it's to be attractive no see that's something that's a misfit back me up here that's a misunderstanding for people who have eyes where like you could leave the house and forget your glasses for me like i want as much of this covered on the side as much as possible i want to be able to have someone sneaking up behind me it's there's

nothing going on over here i just want to just put reflections on like mirrors you need to dude i wanted those glasses goggles that like uh sock onto your face and like a flies on dude i would were you uh slush if you were you did you have to wear sports goggles at all when you were a kid no my eyes yeah me neither i was like 25 yeah i yeah sorry i did i had to wear uh like prescription goggles the first time i played soccer and i remember like going, I was like probably seven. And so most kids don't have glasses or contacts or anything by that age. And I remember like getting my goggles,

like my can see goggles and wearing those to play soccer. And like in my head on the way to the game, thinking like I'm an athlete, I'm an athlete. This is what athletes wear. This is, I'm about to go kick the ball and be a soccer king and then i get there and like my parents had pumped me up to make me feel better

like yeah like lots of people who are seven have to wear thick goggles when they play soccer and then i get to the soccer field no one else is wearing goggles i'm so self-conscious and like embarrassed and i'm like i'm just looking for another kid that's wearing glasses or like some sort of vision help. And I'm not finding any. No one had vision help at all. No, no one else that, or, you know, there probably was a kid that I just missed over or something, but nobody else had these goggles. And I remember I was so embarrassed. Uh, I think it was a couple of sessions after this, that I intentionally put my goggles in the parking lot i intentionally put

them there and acted like i didn't know where they were so that they would get run over and i wouldn't have to wear them anymore and that is what happened like i don't remember if they actually got run over or if i just pretended i don't recall if they really got run over or if i threw them in the parking lot and then pretended i had lost them but uh i never got another pair of those um went straight to like contacts from there on out and my god switching to contacts as a seven-year-old from like fucking goober ass goggle guy is such a confidence boost because it you you feel so self-conscious when everybody else like you feel like we had this uh we had this guy at my school he's uh he he was from missouri so he we moved from missouri and came to uh came to tasmania and he he wore the

soccer goggles and you know like the missouri accent he'd be like soccer goggles like you know like that well i don't know about that you know a nation of the way the way he said it was just so fucking funny this this can't though like you telling me that just brought back memories of this guy and that motherfucker was just bullied relentlessly at my school so he like rocks up from missouri comes to an all boys school so it's just like all fuckheads in tasmania and uh he comes to tasmania so we're like mega fuckheads and we're all australian so we just take the piss out of everyone and his mom's a lesbian back in like

this is like in the 90s so it's like your your mom's like your mom's gay is just like that's that's just it like every day at school your mom's gay yeah and she's like really as well like she's always like at the school like doing stuff so like everyone knows her and like is like paying out on this motherfucker he's gonna kill himself? I'm surprised he didn't

he changed his name to like some fucking numbers or some shit and then just like ended up being a fucking cooker but he changed his name to something like unpronounceable yeah yeah it was like it's like zion altari or some shit like that he changed his name so i can't quite remember it but yeah did y'all make fun of his real name was it something easy to rhyme into nonsense uh yeah but well uh i'm trying to think about what his last name was his first name was lee but, yeah, it didn't matter.

His name could have been fucking anything. It's just, like, his accent was, like, so foreign to Tasmania that, like, you could just basically just say his name in his accent and he was a complete psycho. Like, he'd been bullied all his life. He had a very short temper. So you just say his name in an American accent and you just fly off the fucking handle. And that was one of the things that we used to say to him we would always be like

soccer goggles and he'd just be like it's like did you get bullied at all and what did they say to you to me uh people just called me fat uh you know like i and and the thing is like now i'm a bit older and fatter that i'm like i wasn't fat then but you know like it's just like skinny motherfuckers but not really i didn't really get bullied i wouldn't say that because like i've always been like a bit like sort of bigger than most people so i didn't really get i wouldn't say bullied i definitely got into a few fights at school but never like they should have made me big i would have been a good big person i would have defended the small instead i was small i was the bullshit i i was thinking you know you said they can say anything and like just mock and bully him there was a guy i'd ride my bike home from school

in like seventh and eighth grade this happened for a good two years and i guess he lived in the same direction as me because he'd catch up to me regardless of what it took right like i'm pedaling at a good pace i'm not running or anything but i'm moving and he would just fucking lance armstrong until he caught me and then he'd be like my name is matt woodworth i'm matt woodworth and say i don't pronounce my name funny i don't even talk weird like speaking is something i do fairly well and this guy acted like i couldn't pronounce my name funny. I don't even talk weird. Speaking is something I do fairly well. And this guy acted like I couldn't say my own name very well

and he would just repeat it again and again and again. And I'm like, I don't even get this insult. I don't understand. It's still working. I don't know why it's working. I'm not insulted, but I'm confused. He's like, oh, Matthew Woodward. Yeah, yeah.

He's a German exchange student trying to make pals. He was on the bicycling team, and he saw that you were a fellow cyclist. Matthew, those are some very cool soccer glasses. Oh, your calves. Your calves are so well-defined. This guy. He would just catch up to me and say my name funny and that was his insult and it happened 200 times it was just ridiculous he was quick on his mic did he plan it i don't know

i did have one or was he just blowing past you oh no no once he caught me he was he had accomplished it he just mirror just matched my pace and say my name funny. Wasn't he just like... He was a very fit bully. He made fun of me. He had his lower two abs. Fun of me for not having those.

Not a foot bath. It's his four abs. How impressive. Stop it, Eric. Stop it. of me for not having those this is four abs how impressive stop it eric i have one in high school that was uh so my last name is mckay and obviously everyone would just call me mckay and it's like oh that's easy and so i'm like well that's like everyone called everyone gay back then so it's like well whatever and then i got it on my like leavers top so we have like the the jackets that where it's like you have your nickname so i got mcgay on the back of my eye i was like ah fuck it i think that's funny and everyone was like oh that's hilarious and now i've got people that i know from school that still call me mcgay and i'm like yeah whatever i don't even know it's not 2003 in middle school anymore you can't say stuff like that that's mean

yeah no it's that's sexual harassment i fucking i want to real quick explain you guys know in pkn my computer became unreliable it would just not run for more than three or four minutes at a time so now i'm on my son's gaming machine which is why the camera angle is different i tested it before the show i don't remember being mustard i don't know what's happening with my color correction i didn't do this on purpose you're warmer than usual that's it this is this is what happens when breaking bad goes to me the mix let's have that like the sound of the show for the rest of the show I'll do my Mexican accent the thing is you have to do it you know better

wait what you know you have to do it better than that I have to do it better than that that is so far from where I'm trying to get you to go I wish I could do Mexico. It's funny. One time I was like, I don't know how to say it, and I'm not sure what to say.

And Taylor's like, those are the two things you need to do in prison. And so I was like, yeah, I really got nothing. If you know how to do it, but you don't know what to say, you just do this. You connect. I got nothing. Like a samurai. Yeah.

So that's funny that a guy from Missouri found his way to Tasmania to be bullied. It's was he from like Southern Missouri? did he have a drawl or did he talk like i did like i do like uh well he's he just sort of had like he just had a very nicely annoying like middle american accent like the okay hi my name's lee and it was just like it was just like yeah shut the fuck up cunt like it's, Lee is a very Missouri name. Yeah. Lee sounds like real Southern. Lee?

Yeah. Get your ass in here. It's time to be racist. I went to school with a guy named Jimmy Lee. Jimmy Lee was his name, and he went by both names. Not Jim, not James, not Jimmy, not JL. Jimmy Lee. You have to call him jimmy lee every time yeah yeah there's a bunch of names like that like i like my in my grandparents generation they have friends like

mary beth sue like oh yeah they just like throw three names in there triple names i don't know if i've ever heard a triple but mary beth i've heard and beth sue i've heard beth sue that shouldn't be one that doesn't roll off the tongue it's a terrible one i don't tell her her name is stupid i'm gonna tell her i'm gonna say hey oh you old bitty get a get a load of this your name sucks betty smith crocker whatever man you've been playing a bunch of diablo slush and uh kyle and i have been very much into it although we're kind of both approaching that you know where there's not much to do other than fetch reeds from the forest for some side character yeah pretty much but once the new season starts i'm gonna jump back in are you yeah i'm not 100 sure yet it depends what they add if they add like

so i looked at like what they're adding and it didn't seem as though it was going to be super interesting like it's not a bunch of like really like in-depth mechanics like you look at like uh path of exile and every season they have something like really cool but it just seems as like you're just basically going to be farming the same gear and just re-rolling it over and over again. But I will say that I also don't know fucklots about it. I'm like, eh. We'll see how it goes. Yeah, like, Taylor, you didn't get to the most annoying

part of the game, which is re-rolling gear into the millions and millions of coin to try to get the perfect gear. I did that a couple times like lower level, and immediately I was like oh so you can re-roll 30% cold resistance

and get 28% cold resistance as your new perk I've gotten two dog shit things and then the same thing and it's like the hunt is this what you're looking for is an item

that has all of the things you want but one and then you've got to hope and pray that you roll that one attribute into speed or damage or damage against injured or whatever trait you need for your build i've been using the same weapon for two weeks yeah well i mean i'm using a legendary screen or whatever it is i don't know i'm just kind of over it i want to enjoy it i want to play more i think that if there was a a co-op aspect that didn't involve us just mashing buttons in a blur and until the enemy was dead then it might be more fun if i really needed taylor's like ice powers to freeze the guy so that i could use my like rock damage to crack them and make them shatter like if that was if that sort of synergy was present

i think he can like later like when you get to really insanely hard stuff like level 100 nightmares and shit like that then it's like you need that kind of synergy but then at the same time like that that just gives you extra damage. Like there's no, there's no like different. It's the same content. Yeah. I've been playing the same content over and over.

I've been fighting like a bunch of dungeons and I, I thought I was like playing a more fun build for the necromancer because I went online and everyone was like, the meta is throw the bone spear. You may think Necromancer is about summoning minions to fight for you. You know, Necromancer. No, you don't summon anything.

You just throw bone spears at people and do millions of damage. And I'm like, that's not fun. That's stupid. You're supposed to summon things as a Necromancer. Exactly. And so I teched into the minions and everything and the corpse explosion and so like the character's idea like the ideal is to create as many corpses as you can and then

blow up the corpses into darkness damage to deal damage and cause damage over time but there's no cooldown on corpse explosion and there's no cost to it and so literally every fucking fight in this game every single one i hold i have i use a controller now my brother was like this is one game you want to use a controller over a keyboard i switch the controller it is better i hold b b is the button i have mapped to corpse explosion i make more corpses through exploding them than I use by exploding them. And so I just hold B. I hold B. And unless something blows up near me, I win every fight. And I'm getting bored as shit.

It's like you kill someone, then they become ammo. You detonate them, and then that creates ammo, which creates ammo. And ideally, it would be like, oh, only one body can create one corpse. No. One of my techs is that every time I hit a boss, two corpses drop. And so I just hold B, and for every one I blow up, there's an infinite pile of corpses at the end of every battle, and it's not really that fun.

That was the problem with the Diablo 2 necromancer. You go into a boss, and there'd be no corpses, and then you're just fucking useless. If that happens, I'm up shit creek because my character can't do much other than corpses. It sounds like your build's boring to use though. It sounds like, because there's a

werewolf build like that where you just hold left click and he bounces from enemy to enemy, killing them instantly. He's a ping pong ball. And after a while you're like, man, I've just been holding left click this whole time watching some shit happen. Well, it used to be more like up and down with it the meta builds for like uh fucking uh diablo 2 were like that so you just basically run in a whole one like just hold one move this is like a complicated version of peggle where like you just launch an attack

and then watch all the fireworks happen yeah great game this is brought to you by peggle not really though don't get peggle unless you they saw yeah i don't know i i'm going to attempt to play this first season but like you everything they've revealed is essentially nothing new they're doing the thing where instead of gems we we're gonna put fucking demon hearts in our armor and add a second aspect essentially with new aspects added to your more of the same i don't care uh so so i'll probably switch to something else i need a new game the reason that they do that is like so that at the end of the season they could just be like yeah that'd

do anything anymore and then they'll just add some new yeah throw them away and that'll just like make all of your shit that you farm for in the previous season fucking useless and then you have to go and get new stuff so it's like yeah i get sort of why they do it but it's coming at it from like a instead of a how can we make this fun it's like how can we make this last forever and like make it repeatable and stuff you know like it's it's coming a game dev from like a like business perspective i think it doesn't work for me though i made my new character make it repeatable and stuff. It's coming out of game dev from a business perspective, I think. It doesn't work for me, though. I made my new character, and I

clicked the button that allows you to skip the campaign because you've already done it once, and now you've got this brand new fledgling character in the world that's not discovered. You've got to go do it all over again. And I had this sense of just who cares? What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to wait out the city

gates and do battle with the monsters that lie six feet outside it and will always be there no matter how many i kill my fucking level 80 characters has been slaying millions of i get these rewards every now and then it's like you've killed 10 000 skeletons and i'm like that's just one tiny branch of enemy that i face i must have killed a million fucking enemies they're still out there i'm not thinning them out it's not like in skyrim or something where man i'm doing some good around here this used to be a shithole or fallout or like now it's your area and everybody's cool i got i got so fucking bored playing it the other night that i was like in the middle of one of those areas where you're supposed to

kill all the tougher enemies to get the orbs to go to the tree and buy the special I was like I'm hungry the worst thing that matters like that happens here is I die and so I just was like I'm curious if I just leave if I just leave and leave my character with just my minions around it for like an hour what's going to happen and he was fine he just hung out there for an hour none of my minions died i made dinner i ate it i watched an episode of the simpsons and then i came back and checked and it was like oh i've gained uh 48 000 xp just from just from my minions that indiana jones theory where it's like if indiana jones wasn't in the movie in uh temple of doom then nothing would have changed they would have just opened the box and

died that's like yeah so you just oh that's unnecessary that's the first one though that's not temple of doom right yeah temple of doom's the second one, though. That's not Temple of Doom, right? Yeah, Temple of Doom's the second movie, but the first chronologically. Yeah, it's the one where they're in India with the Kali cult. Speaking of cheating that way, do you remember... PG! Slush, did you play Pokemon on the Game Boy? Like red and blue? Yeah, yeah. So do you remember cheating

in that? The way that you could infinite level in Pokemon Red was that you would give... You could do the missing no thing, or you could, uh, if you wanted to do it regular, you could put a bunch of Pokemon in the,

uh, the daycare center. And then the, what it did is it would give you one XP for the Pokemon in the daycare center for every step your character took. And so I would have like a weight on the forward button and uh just have them and like i had like like a rude goldberg machine with like a fork at an angle to push down on the up thing so that he was constantly walking against the wall and then like i'd have brand new batteries in it

and everything and then i'd wake up the next morning and be like oh i think grew 40 levels because of this but every once in a while you would wake up and you would realize that like right after you had said it it had come off and you were like no and so you'd pick it up in the morning like no no not maybe maybe i got some xp and because i'm supposed to battle jared at lunch today i needed my dragon knight you. That's what I would do in Oblivion. I would use rubber bands to make my Xbox controller such that

I would sprint swimming in circles. And I'd throw my guy in a pond somewhere and leave him out there sprint swimming in circles all day. I'd come back his strength and endurance or whatever would be maxed out. It's great. It's great. It's funny because he used to do that in Taco Bell because back you uh when they didn't have all the limits and shit i i used to just uh put a um like a macro on that would just smash spacebar and then i'd just

load into a raid and then just walk off and go and have a wank or whatever and then you come back and he'd be dead but you'd gain like fuck loads of strength and so heaps of people like no one will talk about it they'll all be like oh no i didn't do that i like because they're you know there's all that like fucking the virtue signaling of being the bigger person in that community but like every strength takes a while to build though forever it doesn't that tells us a little something about how long it takes slush to wank yeah yeah no no it's uh because back in the back in the day it didn't take that long they nerfed it because we like people kept doing it and then when you had max strength your character was just like so infinitely fast compared to other people like you you could run and jump like across like uh like a two-lane street

in the game so it's like it looked fucking hilarious like you're does it change your speed strength yeah well it used to give you like 200 run speed and then when you jumped you look like a fucking spring box so you just like yeah fucking fly around and wait it's like like it makes your uh your gear not weigh anything yeah it used to be on your gear yeah it used to be like extremely overpowered yeah no it did it made it so none of the shit you were wearing weighed anything only your backpack uh isn't that a new thing no no that was that was back in the day but you just probably didn't get it taylor to give you some idea how long it takes to get maximum strength in Tarkov,

I've never gotten maximum strength in Tarkov. I've had 100 million rubles. I've been level 50-something. I've never gotten to fucking... You should have cheated. I used to cheese it a little bit. The way it is now,

when you first enter a raid, every raid you can only gain so much strength a little bit so right the way it is now when you first enter a raid better yet every raid you can only gain so much strength a little bit yeah and oftentimes if you don't cheese it you don't even hit the possibility that that raid could have done so i just start with like empty gas cans which aren't worth very much and then i use shotgun shells i throw them away what'd you say oh shotgun shells shotgun shells just fill out the backpack with shotgun shells but it's like it's if you if you don't get max strength these days it's usually from like if you if you start the wipe and then just start like fucking uh going in super geared every time then you'll usually end up with max strength by the time you hit like level 60 no endurance yeah and then no endurance

so then you have to level that up but once you get strength like to a certain point then you start leveling endurance faster so it's like it's about the life huh uh end of july i read for whatever that's worth yeah i don't think i'm gonna play again until they like do something about cheating or have some way that i'm not gonna lie i don't think I'm going to play again until they do something about cheating or have some way that... I'm not going to lie, I don't think I will either. Really? You're a world champion Tarkov player. That's coming in very fast. Your mic's real bad. It just came back.

I don't know what happened. Yeah, they need some sort of... I'll give you my cell phone or whatever you need. I'll send you driver's license, passport, photos, whatever, for you to know that I'm me and I don't cheat. a cell phone or whatever you need to like fucking i'll send your driver's license passport photos whatever for you to know that i'm me and i don't cheat you can put a fucking speedometer on the side of my rig whatever and i want to be able to play in servers where everybody else took that as

seriously as me the anti-cheating thing where everybody else signed up for the rectal exam just like me just for the privilege of playing with people like me regardless for skill level i don't care if i lose more in those servers yeah um at least i'd know it was real the idea that's the problem with that game is like you can never know and it's so buggy that you're like sometimes you die and you're like that count was definitely cheating and then you see the death screen and you're like oh i know that guy and then you go to their stream and you watch back the clip of it and you watch it side by side to yours and it's like we were watching two completely different fucking movies man like this is like just the dumbest shit in the world so i'm like i i put up with that so much i'm just like i can't be fucked anymore i just i'm done with it i i'll come back in the future at some stage probably but at this stage i'm just like yeah

i didn't know like uh cheating at the professional level of video games was as bad as it was i saw some this was from a few weeks ago some professional call of duty player in the middle of a tournament like at physically at the gaming center or wherever they do this he's he's there he's physically there and he's cheating with mods and like gets caught because like i guess they have some sort of like procedure that the game detects at this point if you're doing something like that and it'll just boom like as soon as it detects it it kicks you out and so this guy just got kicked out of like a professional call of Duty match because he was cheating.

And it's like, I can't imagine... Are people getting away with that? I feel like there's no fucking way you're going to get away with cheating in front of everyone. So Slush would know more about this than me, but there's conspiracies that there are Twitch millionaires

who are terrible at video games. Twitch millionaires who are known for their prowess at this game or that game, whether it's Call of Duty or Tarkov or Rust or whatever. Not Rust. Cheating or letting someone else play for them? No, no, no. Running cheats actively while they're streaming. Like that you can't

see. They're on their side. I feel like that would be so hard to cheat. Well, there's lots of ways to do it. um for a while there was a radar there is a radar cheat oh yeah there was an australian tarkov streamer that had a uh had a radar going we always joke about it like uh the so he there's this clip of him and he's running towards the front of interchange and he like looks in the direction of ollie uh there and he goes five man front ollie and you watch the clip it's fucking not possible and he was 100 using radar and like all his mates used to joke about it on stream and shit like that but he got he got fucking roasted

and then never came back and stream but i reckon there are people but i don't think it's the people that you think it is like a lot of people i always hear sure landmarks cheating or something like that i don't think landmarks cheating no no i just like i think that there'd be smaller streamers if it was a streamer doing it like at that stage like at his stage like he's probably making like fucking 100k a month why would you risk that like mate well i was suggesting not him but maybe there's a twitch person who was never any good at games they're just personality who began with cheats from the very beginning and so you'd never i just used i just used him as a example because uh i have people come into my chat and go he's cheating because he's oh he's

the sickest yeah because he does crazy shit on a he's the most consistently sick at that game that i've seen like the sort of weird because he'll do things that are it's not the play to make it's the play to make a highlight he'll do that kind of stuff sometimes he'll be like you know normally i would sit right here and wait and be patient but you guys want to see me go in there just fucking kill them all even though they're all aiming at that door they're all waiting on me yeah what if i go in there and kill them all pushes everyone and wins you know like yeah yeah you know this first hand with geometry people can do that like yeah if it's too good to be true it might be that was so fucking so slush if you don't know this was like fucking 13 years ago everyone

was in into geometry wars 2 in like the call of duty commentary scene and hutch had like the number one score at the time like he had like 2 million or whatever and kyle like because i was friends with all of them so i could i downloaded i could see the scoreboard and be like hutch 2.2 million and it was like kyle, like 780,000. He was also up there. And then one day I logged back in just to see and it was like, Kyle, 31 million points. 2 million points. And like, he didn't just beat the record.

He like quadrupled up on it, whomped it. And then Kyle had to go out there and be like, yeah, I just suddenly got great at this game. And Hutch was like, you paid someone to play for you. You paid someone to play for you. And Kyle was like, no, no, I didn't. Liar. He didn't know what I had done for the longest time.

I had that score and it was like four times, five times what it was. But I had the video of it because what i did was i found one of the top five players in the world i sent him my xbox with me logged in on it and a recording device and i had him make a video on my account on my xbox on my recording device sent everything back to me i'm like record like an hour worth you know knock out a few good ones make a make a couple videos for me yeah i don't think we had that like our uh mates were playing this like fucking little basketball game in the facebook chat like ages ago and so i worked out if you open it on pc then the scoreboard was just like a um your input score was just in the javascript on the thing so i went in there and I like changed my score

to be just like slightly better than my mates. And then like he'd get a little bit better. And then I'd go in there and I'd change mine to just get a little bit better as though I was coming back and just beating his score like over and over again. And I knew he was just like freaking out. And it took me like eight seconds to fix up. And then like eventually he was like, dude like you play so much like i'm never gonna

beat you so i changed like the the fucking uh changed the top score to like instead of being a number it just said like will is a faggot and then it's just like he's like damn this guy's really good and so i was just like trolling him just wasting his time because i was just microphone working now yeah it sounds pretty good it's back all right thank you um yeah i don't know what me when you did that thing in geometry wars he like i remember he called me and and i didn't talk to hudge very much and hutch was the king of like online gaming at the time. So it's like fucking, I don't know. Zeus calls you up and he's like,

look, I got to have a word with you. And I'm like, Oh my God. He's like, get me in touch with Kyle. So I, I reach out to Kyle.

I'm like, dude, Hutch wants to talk to you. And I was like, nah, I don't want to talk to Hutch. He's God of YouTube right now. But he did it.

Makes sense. Putting the screws to me. I don't want to be on record about all i know is that i got hutch's score hutch's score sucks at geometry wars all i know you know what i even did to be shitty so when hutch they'd all been playing um what's that game fucking where you're you make the portal of course they've all been playing portal at theLaDOS or whatever sings that song, Aperture Science. Hutch edited that into

his video as his score's scrolling across real slow. It shows him on top of everybody else that's on his friends list, this murderer's row of YouTube, and he plays that song. I put that same song on my video when I uploaded it of

18 million or whatever crazy i told the guy i was like beat him by a little i was like beat him by a little just nudge him and he like he's so good at the game that he accidentally did that crazy score he was just high playing the game mindlessly and then he remembered fuck! I'm supposed to be recording and losing at 3 million and I'm at 19. And I'm at 19 million or whatever and the way he dies

it's like... He just goes into the corner and dies. It's like shit man! We got a conspiracy we're creating here. You could have tried a little harder on your end. I'm shipping stuff across the country. You shipped him an Xbox to do that? My Xbox, my HopHog,

all the wires, some money, and what else? Some money? Maybe a hard drive or something for the recording. Everything he needed to complete his game. What was your motivation? Spike. It's funny. And to watch Hutch

watch the gears turn did you get the xbox back yeah yeah yeah you remember how at the time you got to remember xbox 360s had become like a dime a dozen and i owned eight of them because i i had the chronic red ring of death thing every time i would send one off to get repaired which was like weekly at times i just go get a new one. So I had them stacked. So it was no big deal to sign into an Xbox or something. Although like,

like a hundred dollars, my brother's broken. He's like, oh, I'm poor. And I went and brought him a new one. And this guy was selling two of them. And I'm like, fuck,

I'll take two just in case another one breaks. Like, yeah, I never had the red ring. Oh my God. I, I, I fixed it by watching a YouTube

video that was like, sometimes it's because of a connection that no longer is being made because something got jostled. Wrap it in a towel to reheat and melt it back to the point. And so I'd try to play COD 4 after school and then be like fuck! And then go get a towel

and wrap my Xbox and turn it on and then try it an hour and a half later. Sometimes it works. I remember hearing that trick. I never believed in it, though. It was a total bullshit happenstance. Like, it's working! And then it wouldn't work the next time or the time after.

Putting your phone in rice, that shit everyone always says that. Back when phones weren't waterproof. I can take mine in the shower and watch porn on it now but it's like right yeah you put it in rice it's like hitting in god's face yeah yeah eat a dick one of my mates has a uh you know those suction uh fucking phone mounts that you like uh put on the windscreen yeah yeah one of my mates has one of those in his shower he's like yeah i just like to watch youtube while i'm sharing i'm like man that's that dude's

fucking beaten off in like the year fucking 20 20 50 oh no you think he's beating off he's watching uh like mammograms those are two wealthy tits yeah i'd love to i'd love to check them for cancerous fucking tumors yeah oh i found a weird side quest on youtube where uh like i guess there's this whole yeah i went on a weird side quest on youtube i suppose i should say where there's these uncensored rap videos where it's like rappers you've never heard of like little way and and his video is like him in a make-believe strip club which is like that yeah yeah him and that they're like at his granny's house and he's got like strippers stripping in his granny's house pretending like it's the strip club like making it rain

but they're getting like actually naked everybody's naked it's hilarious so some of them the most awkward rap videos are when they try they're just like really getting too sexual with the girl like i feel like i'm almost watching pornography and he's rapping to me while he has sex with her and it's real weird i don't understand that kind of rap i don't know who watches messages yeah it's like uh he's looking me in the eye but he's like rubbing on her ass i don't know what's going on i don't like have you ever seen that the ramstein video it's not on youtube you have to watch it on like vimeo or something i just know yeah they released like a music video oh it might have been uh till lindemann he's like the lead singer of ramstein it might be as like a solo project but this fucking music video is just straight up porn like he's just getting a

fucking blowjob and he's just like singing in german it's like the rammstein guy how much of it do you see uh it's pretty pretty graphic like someone was like you should watch this on stream and i watched it and i'm like no fucking way man pretty graphic sounds like it falls short of it's not it's it's not quite point you you definitely say dong for memory but it's uh it's it's you're not saying like it's porn if i see dong but you're not saying full entry but it's like he's definitely are you seeing any entry because that's porn i require full entry in my music videos is there a better version of this there's a subreddit for this it's called the extra mile and that's clips from from movies films, music videos, what have you, in which the sex is non-simulated, i.e. real sex is happening on film there.

Chloe Savigny, I think, is one of the most famous. It's a fantastic subreddit, but there are a lot of prosthetics, or at least that's what the comments tell you like i see it and i'm like whoa she's clearly sucking a dick like clearly obviously taking the first five inches of this thing like it's not it's not a little bit five so she's going at it and she's doing her thing right and then you read the comments and they're like i hate to break it to you that's a prosthetic and i'm like ah because usually the challenge is do you actually see it go in right because there's a lot of sex acts if you don't literally see it go in whatever orifice we're using then you can't be sure it she could just be doing the same motions and pretending yeah but it so clearly

goes in i thought it was real but now there's a whole nother kind of the fraud they can pull on me it's tricky i don't like that i don't like that i don't like the uh the body doubles and stuff i didn't care for it in game of thrones when they had uh lena heady and maybe even that short-haired girl who's like, I got bad pussy or whatever the fuck she said. You got the bad pussy. I have the C, Felice. Hey, you come to Dawn, I got the bad pussy. Was the other body W talking about the shame scene? Yeah.

Yeah, with Lena Headey, that's the actress's name. Wasn't she pregnant? Yeah, yeah. I'll give her a bit of a pass. I don't believe them. I think they made that up. The Daenerys one was like, I'm not doing titties anymore, I think. They should have forcibly aborted that child per her contract.

They could have lost that whole... That always pisses me off when you watch a show. I'll watch random shows of my wife sometimes and you've got like... Is that like True Blood? I don't know if you guys have seen True blood but like yes like the chick in it is like she's nude in like fucking non-stop in like the first couple seasons and then obviously the show gets taken off they redo their

contract and they're like i am integral to the show so i'm gonna take out the nudity clause and then there's just no more tits and i'm like ah for fuck's sake like she has bad tits anyway no but that's where i admire amelia there's a reason i'm watching this show yeah yeah so amelia clark seemed to have that too right in season one she's fucking bonin drago or whatever his name is she's she's got her tits out she's carl carl carl carl drago something close to that yeah's not Carl but it might as well be I love Carl Drago That's my favorite name He's the head of accounting at the

Cothraki Horde He's a cool guy Anyway he's banging her from behind Tits in the air and this is season one That's how it goes it's great Then she goes a couple years like not showing it at all And then she goes back into the fire, emerges naked.

I'm pretty sure that's not a body double. She got fit for it. She's like, let's, let's fire up. Let's go back to our roots. And I was here for it. Yeah.

I feel like that would be a great motivation as an actor. Like if I were an actor and they were like, you got to be naked in this scene, I'm taking my diet. So serious. I'm like, there's no way naked in this scene. I'm taking my diet so serious. There's no way I could talk myself into a cheat meal because I would just be like, are you going to eat me? Is there a PKA nude scene coming up

that I'm not aware of? Is that why your weight starts with one? It's already been filmed. It's already been filmed. I don't know. It's going well. I don't want the old footage i want the current footage i want sexy taylor yeah yeah the new one the other one's like fetish porn it's me as a fat fuck

now rubs on my belly and he feeds me uh and dewy sausage by the way to myself because i don't know for some reason i was thinking about taylor's tinder profile i don't even know if there is one but i was like, I bet he updates his pictures all the time because he's getting fucking sexier by the week. I bet he's like, I'm not going to put this June bullshit out here. I look better right now. I've done that, where I was like,

whoa, these photos are from 202 pounds, Taylor. We're 197 now. We're going to start taking new ones and updating now I love it if you were if I were a feeder Taylor your gay lover feeder

what would you prefer that I be into feeding you the first 5 inches just crab all the time you can choose crab but here's the downside you have to watch me crack it no crab is not a good sensual food i love it but it's it doesn't have a good smell when i'm done with crab i smell like

low tide because i've broken so much seawater onto myself in my fury so you don't want that what i would actually prefer so prosciutto capicola, salami, cheeses. I'm slicing them like at one of those places. Yeah, there's a... So, you're telling me that sandwich meats are more erotic than... The most erotic sandwich meat is pastrami. You're telling me that cold cuts are more erotic than sandwiches. Why is pastrami the most erotic sandwich meat?

Help me with this. If you have to ask, you don't know. I clearly don't know. That's why I asked. It's because I like pastrami. Is this what I meant? I like... If you just rolled up...

You know what I would like? If you rolled up... If you rolled up pieces of soppressata with a little bit of some kind of cheese, and the cheese is a dealer's choice, you can surprise. Swiss. No, then it's not dealer's choice. Why?

You don't mix fucking Swiss with soppressata? What is Swiss cheese? I don't know. A thing of cheeses? I enjoy a little mozzarella, but I don't want that in my... What about some Yarlsberg? Or maybe some salt and powder? You ever had Yarlsberg before? I have had Y... What about some Yarlsberg? You ever had Yarlsberg before?

I have had Yarlsberg. Yarlsberg, that's... I think that would be a good erotic cheese. Any cheese is good for eroticism, as long as it's someone who's not... Are you sure you don't want to go chocolate sauce or something? Like, just stay traditional on this? If you introduce chocolate and sweets,

suddenly the woman's eating with you. No. This is my thing. That's my thing put it on your dick and I'm like no it's for me get out of here bitch that Seinfeld scene where he's like listening to the football when he's eating a sandwich while he's trying to fuck his missus

he's eating the pastrami on rye with mustard yeah just the most reprehensible thing you could eat while fucking a pastrami on rye with mustard sandwich i think he's trying to eat her pussy with mustard on his lips it's it's absurd is a real wild man the fact that he got laid ever is a is a mystery that always blew me away like why is this motherfucker like why is he having sex he's like five five beautiful women yeah he's like all the girls he dates in the show are like three inches taller than him and good looking yeah it's like what on earth does does george

have going on is he getting inside yankees tickets he he was His body was better than I thought it was. I pictured him as a really fat, unattractive guy for the longest time because that's what his face sort of projects. But then the one scene where he posed to have his picture painted in his underwear, you didn't look at that. Can you find that picture? He's not fat. He's 90s fat. Like in's 90s fat like in the 90s because i feel fat

if you like if you show that picture now like a lot of people like in 2023 be like oh that's not that that's not that right that guy yeah but in the 90s that's like that's fat you know yeah the other one i like to call back to what the other one i like to call back to is chunk from the goonies is is it chuck do i have it right yeah yeah he did this thing uh where he like shook his belly and the truffle shuffle thank you as a child he was incomprehensibly fat he was like like like how does a human let that happen to himself kind of fat now that is yeah that's that's what i was saying before like when people call me fat when i was at school like i was like i was skinnier than that and it's like if people call me people call me fat it's like you didn't even know man i'm like 35 now and i weigh fuck loads more than that now i'm really fat i had it worse

than that they called me fat i wasn't fat at all i wasn't even a little fat i had i was so under muscled you could see every single rib through my chest where my pecs belonged and they're calling me fat solely because it rhymed with matt that's horseshit that's not fair that's a good one though it's like you're fat matt and you're like not even vaguely not even a little like you gotta go back to the drawing board guys i can help you we can come up with something better than that come on if we're gonna bully let's be good at it not fair hit me send me to therapy that's great i know taylor saw it woody did you see the pictures of zielinski at the uh uh that nato summit thing where everyone's in black tie. How tall is that guy? Is that an illusion? Dude, no. Unless that

woman is fucking enormous next to him, that's not 5'7". Well, I think he's standing next to the wives of European... I think he's standing next to the tall-ass wives of European leaders, so he's really not... And also, there was a step behind him that blows the out of heels as well

oh fuck they put me in the finish female section i'm fuck what everyone's oh not could you find him when this is fun this is a little funny but can you find him when he's just completely out of sorts like search um out of search for out of place zelinski you'll find the meme like it's a it's a meme already um because i love that he's always wearing like the working class t-shirt it's just like yeah okay we get like he's trying to pretend that he's like he's on the front lines like fighting who's the senator from pennsylvania is it john fetterman is that his name yeah with the shorts and the hoodie yeah yeah i feel like there's a parallel here like like he's pretending he dressed for masonry today and just happened to find himself in the senate by accident and this guy is pretending

for battle in a trench and he's like oh right nato conference i didn't know oops i was so used to going to war every day so he's just like he's he's forgotten the whole way over on the private jet that was like fucking flagged by like two f-22 raptors so he didn't like he's he's forgotten the whole way over on the private jet that was like fucking flagged by like two f-22 raptors so he didn't get blown down and shit it's like oh i forgot my clothes sorry you think like as a like if i was watching that as a world leader i'd be like okay so what wait what are we fighting for again like our president can't even afford a fucking suit like this is bullshit i'm not sure kyle says good i guess like so i like it most of the time i wish we could find the picture i'm looking for it and can't find it either it was all over reddit it's all i saw all

day but it's it's not him on a podium where it it kind of works for him to be in his fidel castro attire he's at like a gala ball the women are in ball gowns like they're in a red carpet. The men are in tuxedos and he's standing there by himself while I think his tall ass beautiful wife talks to the tall ass beautiful wife of fucking Slovenians leader or some shit. And he's standing there giving the camera this look like. I just want to be begging for tanks. What am I doing here? More money, please. Money, please. The caption on Reddit was always like, when your character shows up in a video game cutscene, and there's like this reward. Everyone else. He does. He's a little guy.

He kind of looks like a Breton. Yeah. No, the Bretons in Skyrim. The little guys with the rounder heads. They're shorter. They have skills in magic. That always fucks me in video games. no the bretons in uh skyrim the little guys around their heads they're shorter they have uh that always fucks me in video games so like being a being a streamer obviously if there's if there's a character like customization i'll sit there for like an hour at the start of the stream and i'll

make the most fucked up looking like creature that i possibly can i remember playing uh fucking uh monster hunter and i'm like okay this is uh we're gonna make something that is like completely fucked up and then i realized afterwards like after the first cut scene there's a lot of fucking cut scenes where this this character like they're zooming in for fucking like reactions on this thing that looks like an aborted fetus and and it just ruined the whole immersion of the game for me every time they zoom in you see his fake eye that has a magic eight ball in it or something like i called him queef latifah like he was he was fucked up man like he looked fucked and yeah just ruined monster hunter for me. Dude, everyone who does custom scenes,

like custom characters, I feel like either is you or me. Like you either spend, like you, a bunch of time or me, I hit accept on everything. Accept, accept, accept, accept. Because I always assume I'm going to put on a helmet immediately. Instantly, I'm going to be wearing a helmet.

None of this matters. That's what I thought. I was like, in this Monster Hunter, there's going to be helmets. He's going to be wearing a helmet. It doesn't's that's what i thought i was like in this monster hunter there's gonna be helmets he's gonna be wearing a helmet it doesn't matter what he looks like he takes the helmet off like he's got the helmet off for every cutscene i'm i'm getting fucked up i'm with taylor like 90 of the time the default character is a white man and i'm like ah nailed it that's not represented here who cares like it's just sucked in black people sometimes i'll choose the hot girl you know if i'm just choosing characters not creating one i'll do that if i know there's no hit boxes i

make my character jacked always if there's an option that's more like a uh a part of streaming though like i wouldn't i don't think i'd do that if i was just sitting there alone i'll be like yeah this is boring i don't really enjoy that but when it's like streaming and you can like get people in chat like telling you how to make it more fucked up then it's like a thing i'm like i'm like i don't know how good this game's gonna be on my play for 45 minutes i'm gonna draw out the character creation screen for an hour so i didn't think about that yeah like that would be there's so much you could riff on in the character creation screens you could just make a character that looks like someone semi-famous and then do a bad impression of that person.

My friend had one. He always makes Lord Farquaad in games. It's fucking hilarious. He makes the best fucking Lord Farquaad. He makes the best Lord Farquaad. If Kyle needed a Lord Farquaad, he'd send him his Xbox and have him

make it. I'm 100% sure this Farquaad I made. Can you believe it? Have you seen Hutch Lord Farquaad, he'd send him his Xbox and have him make it. 100% man. Through this Farquaad I made. Can you believe this? Have you seen Hutch's Farquaad? Terrible. Looks like Donkey. He's like a really creative 3D artist.

But he'll get a game and you'll get a message like nine hours after he's been playing it. And he will send you like a picture of this Lord Farquaad that he's made in this game. And they look fucking gold. Like he, I'll find one for you guys. Just terrible at every game, but has the best looking.

Yeah. Just always. I don't know why he's obsessed with it, but I mean, he's a funny looking cunt. So it's like, I know it was a funny character. Skyrim and fallout are the main two games that I've played that do this

Taylor, but you can, uh, you can get pre-made characters that look exactly like celebrities. So if you want Arnold Schwarzenegger or whatever, it requires a little bit of modding, but you just apply that and you can make perfect characters. I remember I had Maggie from,

uh, walking dead for the longest time. Yeah, that was my Fallout character. And it looked just like her, except she had a huge ass. Just enormous. So you fixed it. Yeah, I fixed her. I fixed her.

I boosted her up a little bit. It's not a friend. It's a friend. I was looking at the main guy, and I'm like, that fucking sucks. That is a friend. I was looking at the main guy and I'm like, that fucking sucks. This isn't my friend's one. I think it's a bit of a meme, but this one from Elden Ring as well.

It's fucking hilarious. I love it. It's just the dumbest shit in the world. He's doing his mirror mirror on the wall. i always make a sexy lady especially if you're gonna be like in third person view looking her ass the whole time it just makes more sense to be the sexy lady cut scenes it makes more sense i was a little upset you're avatar's ass when you're playing games sometimes yeah i'm gonna glance down there i'm not

no you're looking know you're looking at you're looking at the explosions around the screen and the shooting i'm looking at her her glutes flexing when she somehow flat-footed jumps up to that cliff and does her hundredth pull up in a row okay like that's what i'm watching taylor i'm blown away by her physique now that's pathetic with a 50 caliber rifle on her back somehow, so I'm looking at her ass. I'm looking at her ass. I'm staring at it. Usually, I've spent half an hour designing her vagina.

Y'all are talking about spending all this time on the person's face. When you're on Fallout modding, man, there's so many different nipples to choose from. You ever get a big old pussy? Oh, just... No.

You don't want to puff it. Yeah, Fallout. We're modding, but Fallout and Skyrim, any of those games, people get real into it. You can design the labia? Yeah. The labia and pubic hair. Are there any other sliders?

The nipples, the buttholes. You spend too little time seeing their buttholes and puppies on their way to a high crossbar. You can change their butthole? You've got to keep in mind, don't imagine one singular mod that's for your lady's butthole. Imagine 30 mods,

and there's five of them that are good. That means there's dozens of different buttholes that you can have. You're going to hell. There'll there's dozens of different buttholes that you can have. You're going to hell. There'll be different art style buttholes. They can do all sorts of crazy stuff. You don't even understand. When you're modding these games,

and we could Skyrim together, you could be looking at my butthole while I run in front of you, and I promise you, it'll be pristine. Okay. You'll be like, that guy put some time into designing that butthole. I'm the sexy rabbit from Space Jam.

Can I design a character that's severely burned? Yeah, I would like that. I would like that. My character will stand out even more. And your character is like a hot woman with a great ass. And my character is a guy with severe burns who has a heart of gold, though. And you stay with me. You stay with me even though I'm a repulsive monster now.

And over the course of the series, then we actually get married. It takes some convincing, but I get you. And then before you know it, you're cooking, cleaning, setting up all the things in my beautiful home, putting my trophies in the mix. We could have a wonderful relationship. And then you stop baiting him. You don't remember this?

I don't know about any of this, but yeah, with the modding scene, you can really have some fun with your character. And I always do. If you're going to be staring at something for dozens and dozens of hours, then it should be something you want to stare at. It shouldn't be Bronco Billy sweaty behind.

I was so upset when I picked Druid. No, I'm about immersion. I picked Druid and Diablo. I went to pick Lady Druid and it's such a hideous fat chick it's like a female dwarf yeah so i just went with the guy the guy i i don't know why you can't give her a beard like when i used to play wow we had like a female uh one of our tanks in the guild was a female dwarf with a beard and i always thought that was hilarious i was like i love that no one picks that character like he everyone just avoids that like and i love your girl it's clear he was a guy and he was like i'm gonna make the fucking ugliest thing i possibly

can and it was it was hideous like and he'd be like he could because i think he could select if the helmet was shown or not he's like no, no helmet, ever. He's like, I have to. No helmet, just this absolute ogre, uggo-ing about. Yeah, exactly. I mean, if I'm going to play a female character in a game, she has to be attractive. I don't want to play any fat character in a video game.

If I'm living in a fantasy world, I'm not fat there. I'm never fat in a fantasy world. Why would you want any character who isn't shredded for a game unless it's something like dead space in which case you're like a character who's like a normal guy but if you're like making your own character why wouldn't you make someone sick you're making female characters so you can look at their ass yes that's gay that is the opposite a straight guy would have would just go over jack off and then go back to being a titan of the skyrim world i i can do both at the same time you can you can jack off and play skyrim you're good i've got my i got my auto blow i've got i got attached at the

perfect angle beneath my desk here. That's what you do. You just walk in the other room. Your girlfriend's laying in bed, and you're like, I'm going to go play Skyrim. And then she's just laying in there, and she hears the epic music, and then... You're not playing Skyrim.

You're getting your dick sucked by that goddamn Roomba again. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Don't you think you can finish before I get out there? Run, run, run, run, run, run. I genuinely don't. Joke's on you. I already came. She goes to the Amaranth. Amaranth released her own, like, fucking pocket pussy.

They're like, yeah. Oh, how wonderful. They're like, yeah. It's Lawrence Farqu they're like yeah that's oh that's that's one of my friend mate that's a lord farquaad yeah he's like he's like you know you buy amaranth's vagina check this shit out it's lord farquaad yeah no she had a uh she had a tweet about it and she's uh so it's like oh it's molded by like of her pussy and i'm sitting there like all i can i can't imagine how you fucking do that like do you i've seen it you're telling me that

there's like women out there that are actually like getting silicon injected into their box no no no i bet it's like when uh like for teeth impressions they put something on the front of the pussy they push it like just over the labia and stuff, and then it probably hardens maybe? They pour the fucking stuff all over the front of the vagina. The interior of her vagina is not what you're buying. You're buying the appearance of the exterior of her vagina. Wait, do people think it's the inside that's the same?

Well, that's what Slush just suggested before you jumped down his brilliant throat. Okay? That's what I'm saying. You thought it was her actual pussy? No, I'm not. No, they cut off her pussy and sent it to me, man. Yeah, they cored it out like a soil sample.

He thought you injected her with the plaster and took a molding of her interior. My sweet child. Here's the outside. You is meant to look right. The inside is just meant to stimulate you. And they have different goals with the insides of a fleshlight. Basically, I use molten tin.

I've got a pocket pussy. I've got a pocket pussy i've got a pocket pussy here all right i am looking at the outside of that for about 0.8 of a second while i'm fucking spraying lube into it and then putting it onto my cock and never looking at it again why would i want to look at the outside of it if it's molded off hers after i've sat there and just fucking beat off into it i don't want to fucking inspect it but whoever's buying these molds of amaranth's vagina are super fans to begin with who are following her on twitter so they've probably got one of those weird mannequin fuck dolls that has like like like her face like like on the head and now they're gonna stick her vagina on the front and they've got that lock of hair

they snuck that one time from that show she was at. And that gum she spit out is smeared all over her mouth. Hey Arnold. Yeah, there's some weird shit going on. They got a hair doll. It's that sort of thing. It's people who want to pretend they're having sex with Amaranth

for real, not just people who are like, oh, look at this thing. It's Amaranth's's vagina can you believe how silly that is yeah 25 she made eight million uh you know i i think it's uh i think she's making bank good on her but it's like how much does her pussy sleeve cost yeah i think it was like 60 bucks or something oh my god and that's just made of silicone right like? Like there's no material cost of that. I recall it being quite expensive, but that might be like exchange rate. Isn't 60 about right? Like 25 or 30 is they cost like the prices have no correlation, it seems, to what would cost to make them. You can get a sex toy that is like, don't know a silicone mold of something for 120 and

then there's other ones for like nine bucks and i don't understand the difference these are just like i'm just looking at what i assume this is which is like the cored out soil sample pussy and it is these ones are like 15 that one's 10 this one10. This one's $12.50. I want amaranth lips. How do I get that? No, I was saying for the amount of, for the price of what this is, that's the same exact shit as what she's selling, I'm sure, right? Yes, but the whole gimmick

is her vagina. Yeah, but I just mean she's selling those for $60. She's making a cool... $90 it is. $90? That's fucking insane. I got one once. We went to Sexpo.

I can show you her real vagina. Would you rather look at that? What the fuck are we doing? I got one of those. Don't spend $90 to have a fake version. And it's not even going to be accurate. Slow down. I'm catching strays here, guys. Don't spend $90 to have a fake version. And it's not even going to be accurate. It's going to be accurate. I'm catching strays here, guys.

Woody already swiped his fucking card over there. Woody's like, oh my god, it says they're running out. I need four. It says out of stock right now. I'll need a backup. I'm going to be violent with the first one. One of them is going to be my weekend amaranth and the other one is my sweet girl who i love and i take good care of her i don't clean

the second one i eat her pussy oh no yeah spending spending 90 on an amaranth pocket pussy so you can jack off while you lick it you know uh he doesn't want to jack off not only is someone going to do that i i 100 guarantee that is someone's plan that they have and they probably told her that on twitter they were like oh yeah two one for my dick and one to kiss isn't it gonna take them out of it next to me isn't it gonna take them out of it when it just tastes like a fucking mannequin instead of a vagina? He probably just used the used one. Or you know what? They're in that deep.

They're fully into the imagination. He doesn't know what a vagina tastes like, Taylor. How would he know? I love that rubbery taste. They get that bath water that you sold and they put that on there and then like...

It's like a high quality product. Have you seen it? Did you look at it? I didn't see it angled towards me. I just saw a big cone. You have to hover your mouse over twisting base and then you can see different

angles of it. It's a nicely done website and it is a classy fuck toy i don't know i am twisting base how the fuck do i got one at sexpo and i'm like i don't have one now but i tried it and it just seemed like granted like the auto blow thing is probably like a whole different level of it but like it just felt like it was a really it was just wanking with extra steps i just couldn't be bothered yeah that's all sex is that's all sex is my friend yeah yeah but it's i haven't found a penis stimulation toy that i really thought was great that was better than just masturbating or sex or oral or whatever maybe it comes have a shot back no i did one time buy this

attachment that you put on a hatachi magic wand dude there was a comment on reddit and the reddit comment said tube cup yeah that um he felt like this attachment it looked like a t and you put your dick through it on a hatachi magic wand right right? So the GT. And he's like, this thing was so amazing. It forcefully sucked the orgasm out of me against my will. And I thought, oh, where's my credit card? So that's just a great review. You could write that about a can of can of dr pepper and i'd buy a can yeah well if it's good enough for adam from arkansas it's good enough for me

if it works for like whatever omniscient potato or the reddit name uh and then i tried it and it really wasn't my cup of tea that it was I don't mean to like go size nuts or anything, but it was tight on me. And it was just like uncomfortably sort of strangling my dick. It didn't do what I was hoping for. Did you respond to his comment? I took like an angry husband. You took me for a fool.

You and your little dick can go to hell. If you get to the level of buying that and this guy's like using that often he's probably if he's using that like every day he's probably the kind of guy that's like putting zip ties around his cock to like keep it up because this is the guy you want sex toys from he's a subject matter yeah he's like this is so much better than what I made from Vaseline and a latex glove. Yeah. Never again will I be caught at my parents' house fucking the sofa. Again with the straights.

Yeah. For no longer will this 39-year-old be caught with his pants down at his parents' house fucking the basement sofa with plastic bags. Yeah, I imagine if you went into that guy's profile, it's like a litany of other sex reviews.

And I bet if you would have clicked his other reviews, he would have been on some nonsense sex toy that you would have been like, that's retarded. And you would have been like, busted the biggest nut ever again. And it's like, this guy's just so horny, he can't not come. He's just constantly coming. I like

there aren't really good sex toys for men. Women have this fucking toolbox's worth of shit. I have. I've got a Sibian. That thing's insane. Do you ever use it? Yeah. Crank that thing up. It's loud. Do you sit on it and jack off?

What? You told me you sat on your Sibian and jacked off. All the time. I'm on it right now. That's where I have to get my microphone. That's why you need the mic all the time. That makes sense. Yeah. It sounds like a leaf blower.

It's like a lawn implement. It is so goddamn loud. Is it near blind? It's not hooked up. It's like there's wires and plug-ins and there's a whole apparatus. Yeah, yeah. It's in a box somewhere. But, you know, it looks like a bit like a saddle that you would straddle and sit on, like a horse saddle.

And it's got like all sorts of you know things you could yeah you bought one and it's got um it's got all sorts of attachments and and when you fucking turn that dial all the way to 10 it sounds violent like it sounds like if something were to go awry inside the inner workings like like something were to get jammed up it might blow itself apart there's a lot of power going on in there here's the part i don't get about the video that i saw of it it just reminded me of like uh a car i had like a six-cylinder car that like dropped a dropped a cylinder and it was just like vibrating so fucking hard and like i watched a video of it i'm like that's that's what it reminds me of just sitting on like a car with a dropped cylinder like it's just going out of fucking control it's like i don't understand how to make a sibian a joint project right i can see

why your girl could get off on it why it would be perfect for that you know did yeah it's this and she's using this tool but she's also in total control of it and you get that sort of mind muscle feedback to regulate yourself you're getting control in it and you get that sort of mind muscle feedback to she's like you're getting control in it and then you just i've got the controls oh really yeah and you could you could it's called frog tying that's when you secure the lady's thighs to sort of her like ankle calf area so she can't stand so she can't like get off of the thing now without doing this really cute thing where she just rolls to the side awkwardly and tumbles onto the floor, which is hilarious.

And you've got control of the thing. And you could stand over here and penetrate her mouth, I suppose, if you wanted to. But I'm more of a mad scientist. I like turning the knobs. It's kind of fun. I feel like I put my lab coat on and everything and pretend like

I'm in one of those 50s movies. And it's kind of scary. Put a good scare into her. What's the way for forced orgasm? Or the Jason mask. None of it. The fucking plastic sheets that just come out of nowhere.

No, that would be scary. What did you ask? I talked over him. I didn't catch it oh yeah right i'll force the orgasm is that what it's it's a code oh yeah yeah it's a kink forced orgasm i don't know i don't think i've ever made jackie orgasm like against her will like it i thought you're about to say your orgasm or me like i feel like if i'm not participating and going for this if i'm not targeting it you can't make me orgasm against my will as far as i know we'd have to secure you down we'd have to have to yeah i reckon i could

i know my wine around a cock i reckon i could yeah you get me unwrapped first yeah oh yeah yeah oh yeah we work together on that one. I think I want to operate the controls. Yeah, a bit of prostate stimulation. I reckon people come when they get prostate exams, man. Like, I reckon it's not that hard. Dude, that'd be so embarrassing. Like, all jokes aside, if you came during the prostate exam and had like a really overpowering, awkward orgasm,

not just like, oh, whoa, that was weird. I'm sorry, I'm embarrassed. But like, oh, oh! You're like bracing against the wall and when you stop, your hands are shaking. Like you're trembling like a leaf. I'm sorry, Doc, I'm on lock and load.

Can we get a mess here? There's a mess to clean up. It's a problem. This's like this doctor's like the nurse comes in and you're where are my sports goggles that happens to people yeah my my thing like when when that uh like if you did come while you were doing it my worry would be like my butthole is going to clench when I come, obviously, because, like, you would assume it does because everything's tensing. I'm thinking about this dude who's got his fingers.

Like, I've never had a prostate exam, but if this dude's got his fingers in me and then I accidentally blow, it's like you'd be, like, gripping his fucking fingers with your butthole. And he's like, so he knows. Like, he'd know. Like, even if you tried to hide it, he's like so he knows like he'd know like even if you tried to hide it he's like yeah i can feel that like i know what's happening well i'm gonna be yelling i'm coming during the prostate you know what that's all part of going off yeah

you turn around and you like you like offer to finish him You turn around and you offer to finish him. We were saying that sometimes that does happen to guys. They just accidentally, instantly orgasm. That would be one of the more embarrassing, I think, things that could happen. I mean, I've opted in to prostate exams since I was 18 because I want to be safe. Yeah. Can't be too safe. Sometimes I just let a guy at the mall test. Yeah's fair well he's certified my dad had to have one and he said like when when

he like pulls these when he pulled his fingers out he he said it because i think my dad would be pretty straight laced i can't imagine my mom just being like yeah how about a digit you know like but like when he so he's at the doctor and like when he said like he pulled his fingers out and it's like obviously a feeling of like you know like shitting farting and so my dad like was like thought that he farted on this dude's hand and so he apologized he's like oh sorry and the doctor's like oh no no just it just feels like that mate it's all good so my dad's in there just thinking that he just shit in these dudes hand that does sound i mean that's that's literally the the john mulaney joke where he talks about getting his asshole fingered for the prostate exam and he

turns around and goes i'm sorry the first john mulaney specials hilarious check that out if you're out there i like the new one too too. You don't? Not as good. Not as good. I saw him live like a year and a half ago. It was like clearly like the run up, like trying to get to hone his new special. And it's not that like he's a funny dude. He's very funny.

It's just that first one really got me. Like there were a bunch of moments in that first one that like, I remember the first time I watched John Mulaney's first special. I was like, who the fuck is this guy like and i'm getting like 10 out loud laughs from this special like it he's funny he's got that meme where like you know if we're gonna talk about this you guys are gonna have to get really cool with a lot of shit really fast pretty close oh yeah he like had like a uh when i saw him live like he was doing his whole like uh i'm divorced and a coke addict like that whole thing and like and he spent like 10 minutes like

riffing pretty well like because someone brought like a nine-year-old to the show in the front oh yeah he had some good some good banter with that but yeah i haven't been i haven't been to a stand-up show since then i'm not sure who I'd even want to go. I'd get one person that like, if I saw they were coming to St. Louis that I would go see. Let me guess. Let me guess.

Uh, Brendan Schwab. Brendan Schwab. Don't know who that is, but I would get, uh, or no, no,

he's the, the professional fighter. Yeah, he was. Yes. I would not comedian doubt it. Uh, I would not watch that uh i would i

would go see louis if louis came to town i would be super interested to see what his new material and he's gone i wonder how he handles it he always was shamelessly self-deprecating i almost said defecating i couldn't get off shamelessly self-deprecating so you'd think he would lean into it just like he always has he was never his comedy was never about going up there and trying to look handsome or cool or enviable yeah it's it's hard to be fine that's your goal they cancel you see he got canceled or whatever for like beating off in front of people was that his thing that yes yeah yeah i love that i love that how they like uh sarah silverman was like yeah he asked me if he could beat off and i was like yeah why not and then he just like started beating off because she didn't think

he'd actually do it and i'm like yeah i like that i think that's pretty funny yeah if there were a chick that like i would imagine would like laugh that off, it would be Sarah Silverman or someone like that. But yeah, the whole story, like they conflated it so ridiculously. They're like Harvey Weinstein for 30 years is sleeping with every major actress to get her a job. And in a similar effect, Louis C.K. explicitly asks women if he can do something. And upon an approving response, he does it. It's like, yeah, that's not the same at all. They put fucking him and Harvey Weinstein in the same fucking sentence in the same article titles.

It was horseshit. Bullshit. The railroading they did to Louis over nonsense. Can I jack off in front of you yes jack off in front what's the fucking issue here he's a he's a goofball he's a weirdo did you not know but that's like this this white weed of people in the world yeah and then like who cares if he wants if he's asking permission to jack off in front of people i've taken the other side of this issue before i'm not sure if that's where i still stand today because like on on one hand i kind of sort of see how when a guy is a

important person in the industry that you know him asking for consent might be like maybe harvey weinstein asked for consent said hey you fuck, you get this role in the Hunger Games, sweetie. No, that was good pro quo. That's not consent. Well, but you can see the parallel, maybe. Power dynamic. Right, the power dynamic. So when Louis C.K. says, hey, I like jacking off in front of girls, what do you think? They might be like, I can't say no.

This guy is important in this industry mean when do you draw the line so he just he just it's like but then yeah to where you're saying taylor because like then now you're saying like there's like there's probably like millions of women that have slept with people like like that comes from motley crew where they're just like yeah come on the bus and suck me off and they're like yes and then they immediately do it it's like is it impossible to like gain consent now because they're famous like exactly right to argue it's myself how does somebody get consent then he got consent you just did it yeah you just talked to like and the thing like maybe i'm misremembering but i do recall a couple of the like instances that were brought up for Louis were like 2002, 2003 instances,

like around then. And he was not a powerhouse in comedy at all in the early mid 2000s. And so even if that was the argument, I don't buy it. And also it's like, okay, so he's a famous guy who's a very funny guy and has influence in the industry so he could he just can't try and hook up like because you could do that to anything any any man who has money you could say this too you could go jeff bezos my god you know when he asks a woman to to do something sexual she knows that he's the most powerful man he has private military contractor he's oh my goodness what are you gonna like but's absurd. Of course it's absurd. Yeah, yeah, it's tricky. But Jeff Bezos isn't really a gatekeeper

to an industry in the same way. And I've heard you say before that Louis C.K. wasn't an important person when he did this. But I looked and he had had like specials and he had produced so many, like 20s of things. Mostly self-produced.

Like he mostly makes his own stuff or he did i don't know i just went to imdb and i was like shit no he was deep into his career at the point that these things happened but i didn't maybe i didn't remember right maybe they were self-produced but in any case he wasn't to nobody i bet he could get you on some comedy stage you know yeah keeper for that sure i guess i just don't find that compelling that he through some like ethereal power was bullying or pressuring like what it seemed to be was he was like this is what i'm into do you want to do this and they were like really yeah i guess or and a couple of women he said said no like no i'm not comfortable with this and so yeah i'll agree it's not very

compelling like yeah how does a guy get consent when he's rich and famous and powerful like you're just going to turn every consent into some sort of nah i think you're ugly so therefore it was probably a manipulated consent that she felt obligated to do because i need you to pull out your bank account so that we can have like a we have to have exactly the same amount of money in the bank account so that we can on a similar thing i've often struggled with the like two drunk people consent issue like i don't i honestly don't know right from wrong on this scenario if if he's had six drinks and she's had four drinks and that's somehow about parallel uh is he at fault for the sex that happens more than she is well i mean unless you have the point of view that men are inherently

have more agency than women which is like like that's literally the perspective you have to have in order for that to be compelling to you for two people to drink and that one inherently bears more responsibility you know yeah i mean like i think the limit would be like if everyone knows the limit though when someone is like well everyone reasonably knows the limit like everyone's reasonable knows the limit like the girls like fucking rolling around wasted you don't just be like sweet time to get my hand away like here yeah if some dude is like a little tipsy and he's trying to fuck a girl who's like falling down it's like yeah yeah obviously yeah asleep asleep's pretty fucking cut and dry like yeah like that's obvious but yeah two people drinking getting drunk and then hooking up having a good time and then the next morning being like oh you're not as hot as i thought you were and like you're you're fatter than i thought you were champ

like that's just people being like hey uh how about we don't post this online and we never mention it sounds great like yeah i don't remember about having like a one night stand where it was like where we were wasted yeah i. I was going to say that. So this isn't my life, but I think it was, you know what it is? It's Nikki Glaser. I heard a comedian talking about this, and Nikki used to drink all the time, and now she's sober. She decided it was causing problems for her. And she's like, sex is like a whole new thing.

She's like, I never had sex completely sober. She's like, never had sex completely sober she's like how awkward weird like you know you're just gonna take a guy home and fuck him with no drinks in you at all people do that and it's it was eye-opening for me because i was like oh that's the only way i've ever done it so uh anyway yeah so there are people where that's just the normal way that you go that's like the pregame sober I was just under the impression of

I'm just too ugly I don't want to fuck all this sometimes when I'm feeling kinky as hell I just have sober snacks I don't get high I'm just sober as a bird. That's the true raw dog. That's the true raw dog.

Dude, right after church. Just fucking. At this point, you know what I don't do? Sober sleep. Like, you guys just lay in bed with no edibles in you at all and just raw dog nighttime? The regular? This is your strategy?

I've been eating those. I like getting in bed high as shit and just being like, you know when you get in bed and you're so high, you're like, oh, the covers. They're just like, you look so nice on you. I'm high as fuck. It's time to sleep. And if I'm not, I'm like, this is insta-boring. I don't know how to exist without stimulation until the sleepy time but if i'm high i'm like this is fine i'm not bored i'm just enjoying my best is when you're like uh when you're just like in a real real like munchy mood

and you're like yeah i've got like a plate of reheated pizza i'm like i'm now i'm going into bed and my wife's like you can't eat in bed and i'm like fuck you it's my bed i'll do whatever i want and then he's sitting there eating you're like but you're just like you're really full and you're just like tomato sauce in your beard you don't care you don't care because you're so high like that's the best that does feel good a nice munch session when you're high is just the best. When you hit your stride. I have to be careful. There's a really good restaurant near me that's open until like 4 in the morning.

Breakfast food? It's worse, dude. It's like a bakery. They do everything. They'll fry a goddamn peach pie at 3 in the morning and have it at my house in 12 minutes flat if I tell them to. You've got to steer clear of that place.

You're a powerful man. You can just snap your fingers that they do that. And it's cheap. It's one of those places that Kyle needs it now. We must get to work. They're foreign. They are. Dude, she writes cute little notes on my shit when I order from there. They have healthier options

than the fried peach pie. But still, she's like, I's like regular peach pie it's uh i really like this new area i'm in i just got i went downstairs a minute ago because my new couch just got here it's oh my god it's gonna be a fucking puzzle piece but i'm excited i got this this pit couch i think is the right thing to call it it's like as deep as it is wide and it's very wide could you show us a pit couch a sec um i don't even remember what i can't remember what material i ended up going with because i was flaking back and forth between leather and some sort of hardy fabric because of the dogs but either way i uh i'm pretty excited about it because the dogs are all gonna pile in

there with me i don't know about those like my friend has one of those and uh i always find that when i sit on that say i'm sitting on the back of my legs are like right up and i'm watching television i'm fucking asleep instantly like that i like this kyle if i've had a couple of bongs i'm fucking out like that i cannot watch anything on that i'm sleeping really not well i'm really particular about the, the way that they go against the back of the couch. I have a strong, strong preference for the kind that mold into the back of the couch. That's what I'm looking at. In my house, those pillows turn into a disorganized pile of junk.

They need to be fluffed all the time. I don't know what mine are like. Oh, I hate that. What a waste of a room. Jesus. What? We're going to get in there and fucking get nasty yeah i mean that'd be fucking great dude you can't you probably can't eat in the next day

when the maid is going through the folds she's gonna yeah oh there's gonna be some Pussy. That looks like puppy goggles. I'm going to put my sports goggles on for that room. Dude, every time I eat pussy, I need my sports goggles on. That one there is just basically a bed. The side of that looks fucking uncomfortable. It looks a little dangerous. Dude, you get drunk and tumble into that and crack your skull. It's like the side of a pool, but with no water. You fall and break your head like the scene I only remember

because I haven't seen it for Million Dollar Baby. Yeah. She breaks her neck. Okay, this is nice. I like this. That's way too much black. It's too dark of a room. It makes the room feel... Even you put that much black on the room,

it makes the room feel smaller and more cramped. At least the light hardwood balances that a little bit. So this is the room of a billionaire who takes Mr. Bond here to tell him his plan to turn the world into an eco-empire. Dude, every time someone is like, this room sucks,

this house sucks, the person who built this fucking McMansion has no class. I'm like, I like it. I liked every one of these rooms so far i like this room in front of me i like mcmansions i i do i like i like that they don't fit in their neighborhood sometimes that that they take away from their neighbor's houses and they look out of place i like all that shit i like the huge flat floor plans that take up weight i

like that they take they use way more water than they should. All that shit. I love it. You walk in the front door, and for some reason, the foyer is like three stories tall. They're like, this is ridiculous. Yeah. Moistful.

My parents' house is like that because my dad's a builder, and so he can build shit way cheaper than it costs to buy. He'll buy a block of land and then just build it himself and so they just have like they've just always lived in just like retardedly huge houses and it's just like my mom and dad and they've got like six bedrooms and my dad's like oh i just built it this big so when we move we can sell it for a lot of money and it's like they they use like probably an eighth of the house like they're one bedroom the kitchen and one lounge room and this motherfucker's got like he's got he's got two lounge rooms in there it's

like fucking four bathrooms like odd suites in every fucking bathroom and a like an indoor heated pool and it's like damn the fuck are you doing with all this shit and it's just like i fucking love it i have i have a big floor plan in in my house and it's like i never use this room but i always use this room this room's purpose is to just lessen sound coming from the other the room that's over there like like i just like that the bedroom is even farther from the living room that's what this room's for yeah see i think i think maybe you thought i was hating the video or the picture with that black roof that was a cool room but when you paint a huge amount of any room black it makes the room look smaller it makes it look more cramped it doesn't look bad

like it was like 2000 square feet no you but could take it. But you have this awesome ceiling, and you want to imperceptibly make it seem... I don't want to think the room could be Vantablack and still look big. No, you want light to refract. You want it to feel bright. Oh, you want to put some mirrors in there to make the room look even bigger?

Nothing but mirrors. I like my bedroom. I want my bedroom to be like a darker color. It feels like more cozy it's like uh nicer i have like that roof in that that roof in that house my bedroom's like that so it's like a roof that just like is glass oh i can like that's cool i like that yeah video you're gonna talk about where it was only raining in the backyard yeah yeah that was a weird video woody's house has different weather systems the front downpour in the front and in the back it was snowing

it was two fucking different environments like like it's different it's different wildlife in the front than the back it's a whole different land it's like some how many uh like you went how many square feet is the house i don't 8 know. 8,900. It's smaller than that. It's more than 6,500, but I think it's less than 7,000. It's in there. An enormous house. 10,752. And Woody's yard is so incredibly nice.

It's huge. He's like, look at my front. I didn't notice even the rain at first. I was like, damn, this guy's yard rules. And then turns around, goes into the backyard, and it's even bigger, and it's perfectly flat, and there's so much space. And I had to watch the video a second time

before I was like, oh, yeah, there is a rain difference. The whole point of the video was raining in the backyard. It's like 6,900 square feet. That's massive. That's a fairly big house. You have to have a huge house for it to rain in the backyard. Well, there's three of us. But who visits?

My parents live in a house. Oh yeah, I remember that day with a guy. Wait, is that your house? Yeah. And someone was like, hey Woody, do you want to go on a helicopter ride? And he's like, I can just land in your yard. That is a capacious abode. Yeah, and someone was like, hey, Woody, do you want to go on a helicopter ride? And he's like, I can just land in your yard. So that's what we did. That is a capacious abode, that is.

Imagine he crashed into your home. He gave me a headset to wear. He'd have still been able to stay there that night. He only destroyed the west wing. The headset. It'd be days before the fly reaches the ace wing it's fine so was this guy how old is he how old was the helicopter pilot i'm gonna call i don't know but call him 40 38 something like that and he just just randomly one day he texted or messaged you

and then just showed up with this. Yeah. So he's a, in paramotor, people are often into aviation. I'm not really, but other people are. And, um, his day job was basically pouring roundup on electrical wires so that like

the trees and the weeds and the vines don't grow up the poles. So that helicopters purpose was to spray something like Roundup. I don't know what he used exactly. Yeah, get it from the chopper. That's neat. Yeah. And it was pretty cool because the act of spraying that stuff is a little bit like just aerobatics. Like he would dive to the ground.

He didn't spray with me, but he showed me what it was like. He'd like dive the helicopter to the ground, level out, go across it, and then go way up and curl around and come back. It was like a roller coaster. It was pretty cool. He was a really good pilot. Auto-rotating a landing

I think is something that you're supposed to be able to do, but it's so sketch. Nobody practices it and everybody sucks. This guy, it was nothing to him him he did two of them while we were flying that's what's what's auto rotating and landing so when you fall you build up a lot of speed if i understand it right on the on the rotor the helicopter oh do you mean like uh turning off the engine uh yeah and then yeah so yeah it builds a lot of energy and then i guess you flip the collective or something and make that start the uh yeah the outside of the

blades travels faster than the inside of the blade so it generates lift yeah that's why i i didn't think it was called that i thought that was like an emergency landing i was saying whatever it's it is a emergency but he practiced the emergency landings and just basically he pretended the ground was about 10 feet higher than it was so it's like he went really soft to that spot and then uh you're so recommending a lot of stupid flying devices to me lately uh who has youtube youtube yeah okay so there's the this half million dollar drone you can fly has a 30 minute battery life uh it requires no licensing though that's the that's the cool thing you can just hop right

into this thing and take off how much is a license 498 000 i mean it's like five grand and a lot of your time uh but but but this thing you just hop right in and kill yourself if you want it's got tons of smaller rotors on it like i don't know how many like dozens of them 30 minutes doesn't seem like long enough no right especially like imagine you fly i don't know 12 minutes from home and now you want to go home and you're like i don't know can i make it home can i not is there a headwind did you go downwind yeah yeah it looks super sketchy and then the jet pack all those different jet packs so cool yeah have you seen the people like eating shit on them they're fucking hilarious at the at the f1 race i think the guy went down oh that's so fucking funny the way it works at least in

america is if the flying device weighs less than 255 so 254 and under then you don't need a license and it's pretty cool like it's a smart way for the f faa to do it i almost said fcc because um it becomes a personal decision like if taylor hops in an airplane that he could be a public menace if taylor hops on a paramotor then he's making a personal decision you could crash into my living room window and we'll all just giggle at the exit i just bounce off you're not doing any damage the next twin he'll be damaged just flying into the side of a scott scriper and everyone laughs at him just a retarded terrorist yeah flying into the third floor yeah it's like damn they're getting lazy over there at flight school i've never seen a paramotor

in australia i can't i can't say it's a thing paraglaglider? Oh, paraglider or whatever the fuck they're called. It must be a lore that is different here, but I've never seen one. I can't say I've ever seen one. Oh, no, there's a scene over there. Oh, there is? Yeah. Oh, okay.

I'm wrong then. It's a small-time hobby, but even growing up, I saw every now and then there'd be a guy flying one. I remember there was a – this is a weird childhood memory. This came to me. Someone crashed a hot air balloon next to our house one time. Like they went down in the field right next to our house,

like right there next to where the farm driveway is. And they were hurt, and it was all laid over sideways. I just remember that. That's forever ago. Why would you ever get in a fucking hot air balloon because it's cool yeah it seems like you need all right now that's like fuck that's like getting in a car and then just being like i don't have a steering wheel i'm just gonna accelerate yeah that's the thing i i can totally understand how you control your altitude

in these things and i can also kind of get bored how with like major strokes you might know which direction the wind is going and alter your path a little like you've got yeah a tiny amount of control of your destiny but like i see these things fly all the time they fly around my house and when you're in the air and you see for so far if there's a hot air balloon within like 100 miles of you you're like oh let's go see the hot air balloon. Let's, let's try and catch it. And when they land, it's always in some yard,

like putting it down as fast as they can. The East coast is covered with trees. If you don't do anything to land in my area, you get a forest in like seven years, something like that. Like you'll have trees that are 10 feet high. And so my point behind that is that the only open land is intentionally maintained there's some farms and some big yards

and trees so these guys have to like spot some power lines spot some open field and drop in a hurry and uh they're always like little crash landings. Yeah. It seems super dangerous. That's just dumb. That's like taking off in a plane. And then you just like, then the airport closes down and you can't land there again. It's like, oh, fuck it. I'll just wing it.

I'll just figure it out. They always, exactly. These guys launch and just have like a general game plan. Like, yeah. Fuck that. We're coming in hot hot we're going for seven miles an hour and then they like land in a little fucking wicker basket and it probably tips over every time they land right like i imagine the momentum of it like it can yeah but i i see them

land and still have the like they're able to be not weightless anymore like they put it down the balloon is still erect but they're sitting on the ground they have like a hot air balloon race here every so often where like there's a bunch of them up in the air how much of that racing is like oh the stevenson's got into the fucking lucky air current again and they're gonna win like i it's hard to imagine. Is that what it would be? Raising and lowering to try and put yourself just in different air currents? You like broach it out of

it or you like spit out the side of it to say which direction. The other balloonist. The US government every single day launches hundreds of weather balloons. And I forget what the curve is called. There's an S curve and they tell you like what the temperature was there, how quickly it rose there and what the wind speeds were there.

And then you can go to something like windy and there's a bunch of spots where the balloons actually were. And then the rest of the country is just kind of well you know there was a balloon 20 miles north and 20 miles south so we can infer the spot that you care more about and uh i guess you'd look at those reality forecasts and the and the tests of the weather balloons and figure out where you put should put your hot air balloon to win probably there probably is so much more thought behind it and i'm just yeah yeah they're just getting their fucking thing and go it's just luck yeah yeah it's just luck anything i'm not familiar with is stupid and luck i bet it's luck i bet it's like did you see how expensive would a hot air balloon be as well like can you just i can't imagine being like of all the flying

devices i could buy i'm gonna get that fucking gay one like that's the cheapest one it's gotta be that's your cheapest way to the air paragliding it's huge cheapest paraglide a paraglide might be cheaper just because you you need the mountain to do everything for you the elevation maybe or whatever hot air balloons are really they're charging like 350 a person in person in Australia to go on one. We're talking about wicker and canvas and something that burns kerosene, right? Otherwise, we're talking about fucking avionics and fuselages and

fucking planes. This is about $40,000 here. You can buy a fucking plane for that. Yeah, just get a plane. It's not a good plane, though. My website says $20,000 to over $100,000 is how much they cost.

See, I want one where the wicker part is just big enough for me. It's real scary. It's probably cheaper. Just a little wicker sleeve. Have you ever seen that? That just made me think. You remember that video of the woman

who got picked up after being injured in the middle of like the Arizona desert and the fucking paramedics didn't hook up the sled thing right? That they lifted her from a helicopter and she starts spinning so fucking rapidly that like I was like getting anxiety watching it because I'm just like, Oh my God, if I'm that poor woman, like I'm having the worst. No, she sued them. She, she,

she passed out, I think because of the, the spinning centrifugal. Yeah. That would be, I can't imagine it. That would be, you can tell the,

the pilot gets her maybe 50 feet off the ground. Let's just say something moderate. And she just spinning faster and faster. And he wants to fix it or do something. And you can tell it's going through his head. Well, I can't put her down cause she's going to hit the ground and bump it. And while she's spinning,

there's no way to get a line to her. The hospital is what? 12 minutes at, um, all right, let's just fucking go. And he takes off and she just, and that just makes her go faster,

but there's no other answer you can't just hover there until she stops it'll be forever because when she gets to the end like like she's gonna rewind herself like some sort of child's toy and go back and forth the way i know that as a helicopter pilot is i get out and i act mad at her i'm like spinning the whole fucking trip huh hot dog i risk my life for you and you're spinning i feel like you could set her down in some tall hay or corn now probably that wasn't available rocks yeah that was the environment yeah i love that she sued them and she's like yeah you saved my life like uh and i was in a really shitty situation. You had to bring out a helicopter,

and then I expected a fucking Uber Black. Did she get 80K? I have that number in my head. That's hilarious. Wouldn't it be funny if she won and still owed them another 17K for the helicopter ride? Yeah. After that, I'd expect the helicopter ride to be free i'd be like

can i get this one oh yeah oh yeah you know what i want to be able to take that i want them to make that thing available to me anytime i want for life if they want to avoid a fucking lawsuit i bet she hates them she has a strong aversion to them. So I have some GPS for when I do sporty shit, and I prepaid for Medivac. Ooh, fancy. What? It was only $24 a year to prepay for your Medivac ride. Is it possible?

Should I just fake an ankle injury? Or maybe the next time I get a little cut, call for a medevac? Dude, I think the $24 covers the call to medevac. I know, right? Luckily, you pay your $24 a year, and so the call you made to us, no charge there, sir. However, the fuel and the maintenance and the aircraft and the personnel and dr richard of course being on staff for you that's gonna run you it seems to be true i would read that contract very carefully before it's especially in america hit it right now hit it right now the birds let's see if they'll

show up and chopper you out well it might be the same guy that was in the helicopter before he might take you for a ride like are we gonna spray some power lines of the way there yeah let me see are you really hurt yeah yeah oh that's the only guy on youtube so before i did that ride in the winter i watched other people do the same route to learn about it and he failed on his he thought he broke his leg it turned out to just be sprained and he called in a rescue helicopter to get him out of there and uh i was just wondering what this is america right anything medical will completely change your financial life until the day you die oh yeah i fuck that we have a whole lot even if i lost the leg even if i was running in this fuck if i was running that track and i lost a fucking leg

in america i wouldn't call it oh fuck that no you have any problem medically in america it's Even if I was riding that track and I lost a fucking leg in America, I wouldn't call it. Fuck that. No. You have any problem medically in America, it's a million dollars. Dude, the worst thing in the world is dental insurance. That's not real. The absolute fantasy that they are going to cover anything.

Dental insurance covers two annual cleanings yeah that's what you know what it costs the amount of two annual cleaning costs two annual cleaning and then like you go in like i did like four plus years ago when i got my fake teeth and was like hey you recommended this to me because it's medically necessary i'm not doing this i'm doing this to fix my bite. I submit that to my dental insurance. I have my dentist sign off on it of Taylor is not requesting this to look better. He's doing it to fix his bite because he has the teeth of a 120-year-old man. His molars are ground down so bad. That's literally what he said. And they said, no.

They said, fuck you. We're not covering any of it because this is classified as cosmetic. We don't care that it's fixing your bite and reducing your bruxism grinding issue. I think bruxism is what they call like grinding in your sleep very severely, which is what I do. I don't do it anymore because I got my fucking teeth fixed. Like it actually helped it. But no, that was like $7,000 out of pocket to just have teeth. Why didn't you go to Mexico?

Because I'm not fucking with that. Like, I'd rather have a good, solid dentist. I think you need to be more adventurous, Taylor. You're not enough of a risk taker. I agree. You're so risk averse, Taylor. You gotta dip your toes. Dip my toes in Mexican dentistry?

No. No, no. Dip your toes into chaos. Just a little chaos in your life. Like, it doesn't have to be Mexican dentistry? No. No, no. Dip your toes into chaos. Just a little chaos. It doesn't have to be Mexican dentistry. You think I need to be a little more joker. You think I should be a little more why so serious in my life. Next time you cut yourself, go to a vet instead of a doctor.

Yeah. I know a paramotor pilot that needed major dental work, right? It was on the level of yours it was costing tens of thousands of dollars and he went to costa rica where they did it way cheaper and he was satisfied with the work however in costa rica they have wildly different standards on how much pain you're supposed to tolerate and they used basically no novocaine no anesthesia no nothing it was the most painful experience of his life i mean if it saved me six grand i might be interested but yeah that no that well if he had known that he could have costa rica you say he was just a hop skip and a jump from old

dr lsd could have eased his pain and suffering right away. Your teeth problems don't even matter. Those are ethereal. You just need to accept this pain. That's the idea of human beings have an expectation of teeth not hurting. That expectation itself is what's causing you to feel that pain go.

Teeth are a human construct. It's true. I'm a sovereign my big tooth my big sovereign citizen i kind of i wonder if i'm doing more psychedelics than the rest of the the podcast right now yeah i'm not doing any psychedelics i i my scary governor winner chicken dinner you are the winner i'm not a psychic i can't say right now that I'm on psychedelics, but I might be able to give you a run for your money.

When was the last time? Well, it was when I was in Europe. When I was in Italy a month ago. What'd you take? Everything. All at once? Man, LSD is the fucking Cadillac of hallucinogens. I don't know why I would mess around.

I know Woody loves mushrooms, and Woody's been microdosing a bunch and loves it. If you're microdosing, you probably take them all. I've never had a good experience with them. Always been. I love mushrooms because, like I said, the other day it's uh like the start of winter you can go and pick mushrooms just wild where i live

but like the first the first frost of the winter where it's like a really like clear night and that it's frosty in the morning you go to like these spots and there's just fucking mushrooms everywhere so we'll go and get like two shopping bags full of them and just like load up and then chuck them in a dehydrator. And then we're just set. We've got fucking mushrooms for like a year. I wish I had the faith that I could identify the mushrooms properly. So one of my friends taught me how to do it. And then once you know, you know what you've got.

And so I find it a lot safer than LSD because if you're like, if you're looking at LSD, you don't know if it's LSD. You could be taking fucking anything because you don't know. I don't know how to test it. I'm not fucking testing it because I'm lazy. But mushrooms, it's like, I know. I can eat handfuls of these fucking things and I'm not going to die. So I'm like, I'm going to have a good trip.

Oh, this is portobello. Mushrooms. The first time I had them, this is the most awful terrible like disgusting thing ever but lately i've been like these just taste like mushrooms there's more mushrooms than i want you know mushrooms are supposed to be a highlight on your burger not a fucking baseball worth of like mushrooms yeah it shouldn't be carrying the weight of a snack or a meal how much how much are you taking? Are you taking it entirely? No.

I micro-dosed. I'm having a bit of a hard time. So I micro-dosed as a mood lifter within the last week, but it was six days ago I took a hero's dose. So for people who know nothing about this, a hero's dose is three to five grams. The dude on our show gave seven which i hadn't heard of before but i guess i could see it i took four and a half so in there how was it i've

taken uh i've taken like seven to eight before and that's uh that's pretty fucked that's so scary it's it's a lot it's uh it's like you either see god or become god but it's like it's not i don't think it's enjoyable i mean it's funny as fuck but it's like at the same time it's also like there's probably a little bit too much like i prefer to take less you know okay have you seen the mushroom chocolate bars i have not eaten those so um you can buy those at places. I can't remember how much is in a chocolate bar, but on the back, it's got lines drawn out and it does sort of a micro dose, blah, blah, blah.

I think Mr. Beast sells those. I think the whole bar is 12 grams. It says fucking transcendent dose or something. I ate nine grams. I broke three quarters of it off. It was just not fun. it was just not fun. It was just not fun.

It put me in such a funk of depression of just like about nothing in particular. Just felt bad. Like, fuck this. Like anxious or depressed? No, just depressed. Just like I'm at the bottom of a well. Is that like during or after? The whole time during.

Really? And then after i was fine were you trying to go through it and like think of what it was causing you the anxiety and you're like there's nothing like it's just general oh it was nothing depression yeah it was just i just felt like it's the bottom of a well it wasn't one thing bothering me it wasn't a bunch of things bothering it was just like fuck all this this is awful i felt so bad so i'm not gonna do any more mushrooms i don't like that at all uh lsd the thing was no nausea zero nausea which i get from almost any drug i've ever taken was the bout of nausea at some point just feeling kind of sick

alcohol of course but no nausea no hangover you don't mean literally throwing up just feeling it a little yeah well it depends like with uh that time um i i felt really nauseous that uh one time i took mushrooms and overdosed uh before and then i felt really nauseous once when i overdosed on weed edibles and threw up so yeah i mean i've thrown up from like various drugs before for sure pretty much all of them like all of them will have like some kind of effect like if you do like kind of coke it's like i need to shit immediately like that's the laxative in a coke yeah that's the laxative even even even good did you start soap yeah they cut it with baby laxative when i was in uh when i was in europe i went to the uh the monaco grand prix and uh went watch

the f1 and so like cocaine what year uh this is like a month ago you sold your stamp and win this year yeah yeah yeah yeah so i and i went to uh so yeah we this is like a whole thing this is i i'm so much fuck she'd happen to me on this trip anyway so like we we went to uh went to monaco and one of my friends there is like hey yeah she'll come out with a party and uh so he takes me to this like uh this fucking beach party after the after the grand prix and i had no idea what i was expecting and i rock up here and everyone in monaco is just like obscenely rich like he's like oh i'll get us a table and it'd be fucking great i rock up there and i'm hanging out with uh like his mates and i introduced myself i'm talking to

this dude and he's like yeah i'll give you a bunch of coke and and so we're stuck getting on the blow and i'm like so i'm just chewing this motherfucker's ear off and he's uh i'm like so what do you do for a living because he's like really interested in like streaming he's like he's talking my ear off about streaming he's obviously fucking super high on coke and you're gacked out so you're happy yeah i'm loving i'm loving life and so i'm talking to this motherfucker and i'm just like paying out on him because he hadn't like he'd been with his girlfriend for like 12 years and hadn't proposed to her and so my wife is just like paying out on this motherfucker and i'm like what what are you doing he's like oh i do like uh i trade like cryptocurrency and i'm like oh okay so uh uh what's your um like what what do you do he's like i'm i was one of the uh inventors of ethereum i'm like no fucking way and he's like

yeah google me so like this motherfucker and i'm just sitting there just like i'm just being a fucking gacked out dickhead with this dude who is just like a multi-billionaire that invented ethereum like i googled this cunt and he is like this is one of the guys that invented the theorem and he's like just fucked up with me and i'm like there's this is the weirdest fucking experience of my life that's amazing isn't it like dude you want to stay friends he's such he's such a nice guy we're talking about like dude you want to stay friends he's such a he's such a nice guy we're talking about like uh game dev and shit and he's like oh yeah hit me up and we'll uh like fucking have a chat about it and stuff because he loves video games i know afterwards

i'm just like in in this hotel room and i'm like i'm gonna do the rest of this coke obviously and and i'm just blown away by this like my wife my wife and I just, like, fucked up in this hotel, just, like, thinking about, oh, yeah, let's message this guy. Get some fucking Ethereum dollars. So you and your wife are both just coked out to the point that you're brainstorming ways to get the Ethereum guy more involved. Yeah, yeah. I want this guy in my life. I want this motherfucking billionaire in my life.

One of us is going to have to sleep with him, honey. Yeah. No. He was like, Monaco's fucked. So he was talking about they went to a party the previous night, and it was on a guy's yacht. And I'm like, oh, so what's his yacht? He shows me this picture, and they're obviously all fucked up on coke

for the whole week because it's Monaco. And he's on this fucking remote control submarine console inside this guy's yacht. So he's sitting there with these joysticks with this fucking screen driving a remote control submarine around in the bay underneath all the yachts at the Monaco Grand Prix. And I'm like, how much does it cost to like park your yacht inside uh monaco and he's like oh well so you drive the yacht there obviously

the parking spot for the duration of the grand prix is four million euros that's just for the parking spot jesus and then i'm like so and he's like and then we and then we brought booze for the party. And he's like, I spent 700,000 euros on wine. And he's like, his tab for the party, for this yacht party that he had for the week, was close to 10 million euros. Did you go on the yacht? No, I didn't go on the yacht because I didn't get there until the day before. So they went off the yacht and had went to the beach party and i went to the beach party with them but like they watched it from the yacht and i could like i could see them there but i i was like you know like a private well i was like

in a different like uh private suite thing with another mate and they're just like he's like oh that's my mate down there we're gonna go out and get fucking coked up with him later and it's like on his fucking like mega yacht and i'm like that's like 20 million 20 million usd for a weekend that's how much this guy spent jesus and like that amount of money he like he didn't even notice yeah like it's just not even like it's just whatever to him that's it's so. The best part is like where they had the yachts. There was one dude, he got a crane out there and it craned his Ferrari F40 onto the fucking front of his yacht so he could flex that he had this.

And so his next door neighbor on the next yacht obviously was like i'm gonna out flex this dude another crane comes down like a day later and and he drops a uh like original lamborghini countage onto the next door neighbor's yacht so he could be like yeah that's right i got it's like to get my lamborghini like it was fucked man damn were you uh were you a little bit like was it kind of weird being around people yeah there it is yeah we were watching we were watching it was it was fucking weird but yeah that's the guy there he had his uh yeah he sees ferrari is that the guy you know the ferrari no no i don't know that guy but uh that was uh that was one of the guys that had his yacht parked

there like near the guy that i met but those yachts are so super huge jeff jeff bezos's yacht was there and it was the biggest fucking private boat i've ever seen in my life it was ridiculous he flexes on how much of those how much time those yachts take from their owners i i think they rent them out most of the time so like if they're gonna go somewhere else like the crew just drives it to wherever they want it to be, and then they just fly over and they just get on the yacht. Yeah, that's what they were telling me. I talked to not owners of yachts like you, but staff on yachts.

And yeah, that's what they said. The guy will just be like, hey, I'm going to be in Miami at this time. I want the yacht here and I want it ready. But how much managing like does whatever zuckerberg bezos or your friend do for that yacht does he hire staff for it does he hire a guy i think i think there's a guy that just runs it for him like he just has a captain and he's stable or do you need to like find a new captain every year like i i think that he has just like a captain who just loves living the life like he because the captain can throw parties on it shit as long as like he as long as they clean it up like it's just bad because there's like in the yacht i looked at

there might have been 25 people working on it and i'm like that's a business that's a full-time business managing 25 people and they live there huh yeah they live on the yacht yeah yeah but it was it was crazy like hanging out there because the um like i saw like so like 50 different levels of poor above me that had like 200 times as much money as i have like yeah i thought i was doing pretty good i was like i i feel like i'm doing okay in life. Like, I've got my shit together. I drive a nice car. I got there, and I'm like, my car's a piece of shit. My house is fucking crap.

Dude. I'm fucking so broke. I went to lunch. I'm such a loser, man. I went to lunch with my friend, and this is just like Monaco prices. It's just ridiculous. I ordered a cheeseburger that was fucking $80. Holy smokes. That's how much it was. He shouted me lunch, and it was an ordered a cheeseburger that was fucking 80 dollars holy he shouted me lunch and it was an 80 cheeseburger and it wasn't anything special what does that mean he shouted

you lunch like uh he uh he paid for lunch so he took me out for lunch and he's like i'll take it somewhere nice because like i want to i want to like treat you guys while you're over here because it's uh because i invented a theory oh no no this wasn't the ethereum guy but yeah it's like mind-boggling and he's just yeah we're just sitting there drinking beers that were like i think the beers were like would have been at like 30 us each like it was it was ridiculous the lunch like total would have been like i would 100 show up there and be like so out of place being like not rich i would have to like get drunk and then i would 100 every day make up a different person that i was and like and like lie to people with accents. Actually, my name is

Igor Putin. I am son of him. Yeah, people say we look nothing alike and I have this weird thing where like lots of time I don't even have a Russian accent and you know, using my license, this is from Missouri.

But this is just Bishbosh interested in the oligarch like me. I talked to, like, at this beach party, I was standing waiting for a drink, and I started talking to this dude next to me, and he's, like, 21 years old, and he's, like, I am a – he goes to – he went to, I think, MIT, and so he's, like, yeah, no, we're just over for the summer. We're going to – we're doing, we did Cannes Film Festival and then we go to Monaco and then we go to like fucking Rika Island or something.

He's like, yeah, all my friends do it like every year. And I'm like, and you're fucking 21. He's like, oh yeah, my dad pays for it all. And he's like, he brought his girlfriend along and his girlfriend's like, this is just fucking mind blowing because like my family's poor and he's on this like million dollar trip this is like he's 21 he's just doing coke with billionaires and it's like this is fucking weird man it's just like an unfathomable amount of money to have it's outrageous how well like to not even that's not fun i don't like all the the jerk off

flexing back and forth though it's all silly i would want to start my gladiatorial arena. But that's nothing to them, though. Like the craning of a car onto there, that's like, what, $100,000? That's nothing. Yeah, you could have been fighting to death for that money. Yeah, but for someone that has like a billion dollars, that's like me spending $20 on a drink for my mate. It's nothing for them.

Yeah, that's why the arena makes much more sense. I would definitely hunt humans if I was that rich. Do you think so? Humans would be one of the... Well, actually, no. It depends on the amount of equipment you gave them in the hunting scenario because it's traditionally done on some sort of island. No, that's what I'm saying. If they

are given nothing and they're thirsty and out in the wilderness, there is no easier animal to hunt than a human. What if they're well trained? Even if they're well trained, if they don't have access to food and water and stuff, they're going to be spending all their time trying to get resources and so you're going to know exactly where

they are. You need to kind of set them up a little bit. Not with actual weapons they can fight back with. They're not going to be living out there. It's going to know exactly where they are you need to kind of set them up a little bit not with actual weapons they can fight back no i'm not gonna be living out there it's gonna be like you get a you get a two minute head start and i'm coming after you with a gun there's no you're not gonna be rustling up grub and making fires i would like them in the forest and then i have like thermal goggles and then i just come at night and i'm like i'm predator i'm like i'm fucking with them and you're dressed like that too we can do that i don't have a good top speed and i don't have much cardio so we're gonna we're gonna run this differently i need a two minute head start

you come to me your goal is to get past me otherwise if i just give you a two minute head start i'll never see if you sent like a trained killer in there like and he ran from me and all i had was say a crossbow it would be a scary fucking hunt to go in the woods and look for that dude it would be trained killer is definitely different well that's who i want to hunt i don't want to you know the average like some commoner you want like people who know how to handle themselves people who can fight if they're in fisticuffs yeah me i want to hunt louis ck we want to hunt someone someone slow as shit where he's like hey can i masturbate in front of you and you go no louis the average american like if you told them that they were about to be haunted would probably just run until they had a heart

attack because you know it's 200 yards it's like what is that yeah 200 yards it's like yeah i don't i wouldn't want to hunt people but i i might start like i said i would love to see a gladiatorly arena when when uh gladiator came out back in the day i was super into it i thought it was the greatest film that ever been made and i i've always thought that we need to get people back into an arena like that, fighting to the death. And I want them in period-specific attire. I want them wearing those leather skirts and shit, looking like Xena.

And I want them to have those Roman short swords, the gladius. I want those to be present. And I don't care what it costs, $100 million, $200 million. If you're a billionaire, you've got to make this happen. I want one of those guys with the nets in Trident. I want to see him out there. And he better win. I don't care what it costs, $100 million, $200 million. If you're a billionaire, you've got to make this happen. I want one of those guys with the Nets in Trident. I want to see him out there, and he better win. He better be good.

Oh, Nets in the Trident, yeah. I went to the fucking Coliseum while we were in Rome, and it is so much bigger than you think it will be. I expected it to be small. This is like an 80,000-person arena. It's fucking massive. It's cool, isn't it? I really like standing in history. It's a big deal to me.

And I really enjoyed lame history. I once stood in a place where American Indians washed their clothes. And I was like, this is kind of neat. It was sort of like a paved. And you could tell there used to be water running. All right, cool. It wasn't of like a paved, and you could tell there used to be water running there. All right, cool. It wasn't paved, but it was paved with rocks.

And I can just imagine a social scene happening where all the women take more laundry than just theirs and clean it and hang out with each other and shoot the shit and whatever. And I was like, wow, so that happened right here 200 years ago to 20,000 years ago or whatever 200,000 years ago I don't these numbers mean nothing to me but like however long Native Americans were here like just washing shit and living that life cool cool you go to the Coliseum though it's a bigger deal like there's

80,000 people that were in here didn't they flood it and have like naval battles in it or something? Yeah they did they flooded the base of in here yeah that was what it and i have like naval battles in it or yeah they did they flooded the base of it yeah and that was so it was it was completed in 50 ad so it was like the thing though almost 2 000 years ago yeah the reason they flooded and had the naval battle it's the whole thing is a mega flex they're recreating one of their great victories over a rival an opponent another country they're not just like it'd be neat if there was a naval battle. They're saying, hey, remember that time we shit on Macedonia?

Let me show you how it went. And they're making people fight to the death to recreate it. I don't think they died. Remember when we fucked up Cyrus of Persia? Here he is! We just got an accused rapist and put Cyrus' headdress on him. They would fucking have Cyrus.

That's the best part. When those Roman generals would roll back into town, when Caesar would roll back into town, part of the procession would be the fucking captured king and queen and all the fucking royal family of whoever, wherever they just came from, and a bunch of slaves and shit. And they'd execute the fucking king of whoever they just conquered

in the goddamn Colosseum in horrific ways. Was it Marcus aurelius who would like have someone ride next to him who was like uh or no it was julius caesar it was right right someone who would say like are you late a trap yeah no no yeah slush exactly slush knew exactly where i was going where like like as julius caesar would ride through his chariot through the people of rome everyone was so addicted to julius caesar like they loved him that he would have someone behind him who would talk to him the whole time and just say like you're only a man but it's only a man you're only a man and it did

not it didn't it didn't stick i went to the place where julius caesar was stabbed so uh the um it's like ruins there but it's like in the middle of rome so it's like it's it's like ruins there, but it's like in the middle of Rome. So it's like a city block that is just like dropped down because like a lot of the city sort of built up over time. It's like a drop down thing. And you can see where like Caesar was stabbed and shit like that. But instead of like making it into like, you could walk all over it because it's like really old ruins. They put up like fences around it and they were like,

oh yeah, we're going to keep this so you can look in from the outside. And because there was nothing there, just, like, fuckloads of stray cats moved in there. So they made it into, like, a cat sanctuary. So now there's just, like, you go to where Julius Caesar was stabbed, and there's just fucking hundreds of cats. And they're, like, fucking adopted cats that are, like, the people there look after them.

So you got like every cat has like missing an eye or missing a leg or it's like fucked up in some way. So you just like sit there. I'm here for history. Oh, this is so amazing. Julius Caesar was stabbed here 2000 years ago. And now there's a three legged cat licking his balls on that spot. America's so young. I've been to the alamo and that was you

know whatever 100 years ago 50 years ago yeah and and oh my god it's falling apart there ain't nothing to see there i was so upset that we i was like i got hot and sweaty for this like what is there must be rubble it's i remember there was one part in particular that was there was most of a wall and an archway maybe and that was like it like that's like so little that it's not worth going like genuinely not doesn't have like four walls and a fort in the middle so it was a big thing the alamo you got to keep in mind it was a big missionary you see this tiny little bit of rubble it is a fucking jip it is a tourist trap nonsense yeah i've heard people say that that they're like it's 90 percent

gone like everything you see is a reconstruction of what it probably looked like and it's like well that's not cool i can see scaffolding don't go to the best about when you go to europe it's like you walk into a bar and it's still operating and then you look at like when it was built and it's like wow this was this bar has been here for like 700 years before my country even existed yeah dude there's a hotel i was on some wikipedia page like years ago trying to find like the oldest still existing build or uh companies and there's a hotel in japan that's been open for like 14 1500 years and it's crazy it's like a thousand years ago they'd been in business for half a millennia that's bananas like the amount of people over

time like whose entire lives were spent working there and like you just it's no one cares crazy it you don't even think about it the same way like no one will think about us like yeah it's no one cares crazy it you don't even think about it the same way like no one will think about us like yeah it's bizarre i love our like the you go to like the old places in in uh italy and it's like there's always like graffiti on the walls from like two thousand years ago and so like pompeii because it was like perfectly preserved it's just like fuck loads of like dicks drawn on the walls and stuff that's fucking hilarious like people just fucking in weird positions and then like a guy like walking like that and then he's got like a fucking five foot long cock coming out from under his little roman skirt and shit and that and it's just still there it's like wow when you know like back in the day some some woman was like

julius don't you go and paint that on the wall. You're making a fool of us in the neighborhood. And now like little Julius's big dick drawing. Now it's there. There's a famous one. I don't know where it is, but the guy is writing this whole thing. He's saying something like so long, ladies. You

had your chance. My penis will pleasure men's behinds from now on. see how you like that it's literally him being like you know what fuck you women i'm gonna i'm gonna find me a lady boy the very first insult yeah yeah have you seen the one where it's like a preparer script and it's like a customer complaint it's like carved into a stone tablet yeah the quality of his copper was bad or yeah the wrong grade of copper was delivered yeah so it's like yeah listen here motherfucker like you fucked up my copper delivery like i'm gonna come over there and beat the shit out of

you it's like yeah dear mahmoud i am incensed at the quality of copper in thine offerings is that we not warm or something? It's like literally some guy was like angrily chiseling. I think it's one of those soft clay tablets like that nonsense I know you're joking around with. I think they like press and then sun bake it and then boy take

the sun baked tablet to your fear and stay and wait for his reply. I don't care how long it takes. Days go by. A week from now your fear will realize how much he's fucked. I've ceased

my purchase of his low quality copper. I love the idea of lost civilizations that peaked and vallied long before our history. It's hard to even tell how long we've been what we would recognize as people you know like like if you go back 300 000 years 400 000 when when do you go back and you're like and like hey i don't you're not one of me you're you're just a

fucking animal man yeah and that shit like when they'll say like human beings like we started between 200 and 400 000 years ago and it's like a lot of time that's if someone came to me and i said when did world war one conclude and they said sometime between 200 000 and 400 000 years ago i'd say that doesn't make sense that's it sounds like you don't,000. Sounds like you don't know shit about the number one. It sounds like you don't know much about the topic at hand, doesn't it? And so when they say that, and they're like, oh, and this dinosaur, it was the size of a house. And then later they come out and go, actually, dinosaurs can't be the size of houses. That doesn't work out physically.

But think about what that would mean, right? Like if there were people just like us, as far as their brain makeup and everything, 400, 500,000 years ago, I mean, in the last couple thousand years, we've done the thing. We've gone from barely having agriculture to being us on the moon and traveling around and all the things we have.

That could have happened like a thousand times in those lost hundreds of thousands of years. No, I love that. That's my favorite. Technology is lost all the time. It would be 100%. That's like with the antique aetheric clock, like the first computer that like...

Oh, that Greek thing they found on the ship. Yeah, read the stars. Like, I think we just like, we were heading in that direction and then just like dark ages. And then it's just like i we were heading in that direction and then just like dark ages and then it's just like everything just goes to shit and it's like and now we're back again like we we we come back and it's like i think if we were to blink out like if all the humans were to just you know like like thanos snapping your finger and we were gone uh i think

i think i saw a thing that predicted how long there would still be signs of our presence here on the planet and it's hundreds of thousands of years because of but but but it's not long before there's nothing left like even the satellites fall out of the sky the fucking uh plate tectonics eat everything like shit everything they're always integrating orbit they're yeah all of them are like like none of them they're just stuck they're all okay they're not like an orbit is like technically they're just falling slowly i don't know about that stuff like the james webb that they got way the fuck out there because it's way the fuck out there like they can't it has to have it's the one that they used

to take those unremarkable photos that they punch up and those photos are badass you need to chill you gotta you gotta get some wonder back in your life god damn it i don't want to hear it's not photoshopped it's literally photoshopped they admit it dude you think there's actually fucking orange novas and shit that they're like oh we found all this like beautiful uh kaleidoscope pictures? What color do you think everything is? I think it's way less marketable. I think it's obviously not that. The same way they're like, we found life on Mars for the fifth time.

You're a gloomy Gus. You just never want any happiness. No, I just demand results. I demand results. Go back to the fucking moon before you keep pontificating. You're looking at the pictures saying they're not pretty enough for you

oh did you touch this up with photoshop oh instagram versus reality bro get out of here with your just cause you like your fake stuff you look at Paul she's wearing too much makeup she's wearing too much makeup I can't fade off to this

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So we can show that. Yes, that is the, uh, the dab dab that is the dab x yeah that is also 30 off with code pka 30 right now very high quality shit it comes in like a in like a bag that you i feel like i could wear hiking in in colorado yeah i was like i'm using it to hold that line up but the bag it seems like it's smell proofproof. It's got metal on the inside of it, like a lining, and it all zips up. It goes into a really compact thing. I like this thing.

It was idiot-proof once I got a little high. I'm not as adept at operating things, but it never got the best of me. Everything being magnetic so it just sticks together is great, and you've just got two buttons. It's great. It's really easy. I am excited to try the DabX. I haven't hit it yet. These are awesome. The ClusterFox 300 milligrams is like the right dose.

It turns out to have a real good size. What? For you. For you. Not people out there. Do not start with 300. Did you just fucking take that? It'll kick in in two hours. I'll be fine. I'd be nervous if I took one right now. 300 would ruin me. farm i'd be nervous if i took one right now in like an hour i would be fucked up if 30 is a good number 50 is a good number and if you are on woody's tier the more normal tier the hhc is better gummies these are 25

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If it's like a cookie or brownie, about an hour to kick in. If it's like a gummy, 30 minutes to kick in. And like that 300 milligram Kyle just took, like if I were to take that, I would be high. It would wear off like in the middle of my sleep, like probably like 5 a.m.

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another pill for fucking lock and load the premium premium ejaculation increasing supplement taking the world by storm oh via me check it out code pka code jizz 10 off lock and load you've been thinking i know you're sitting there you're sitting there in your car you're on the way to work and you're thinking i bust enough you fucking fool you idiot you're not coming as hard as you can your orgasm isn't as good as it could be what you need to do is use code pka try yourself some cum pills my friend and if you say you know cum pills aren't my thing but i want to get jacked go ahead and get yourself some protein powder get some pre-workout get some energy drinks get some weight loss supplements anything you can imagine get the protein powder get jacked and then

find a use for the cum pills yes you fucking idiot do it do it does it go on your drink your own cum it's got protein in it this guy's cracked the code he's like an infinite money glitch i don't let a single drop that's a testament to efficiency you need i i have heard that if you let it go down the drain then lizard people will steal it and clone you and replace you so i always eat my own cum yeah i mean that's just safer i don't want my dna out there exactly too late dude there was a uh they put a notice in like my freshman year dorm and i know this is not like uncommon because i saw like literally a meme on like online years after this where they said like stop masturbating in the shower because it's like clogging and it wasn't until right now saying this that it's like

that is totally made up no one was clogging fucking say like unless some guy was like in the shower coming into a wad of paper towels and then pushing it through the grate down into the pipes like yeah what sort of chunky cum were my were my my i think they just wanted you guys to stop jerking it in the showers yeah well that's how you get me in the comedy isn't it whoever that guy is that's worried about it clogging it up has the highest fucking sperm count ever like you need to chew that shit it's just yeah it's thick like curd of milk i wonder if you can there's any correlation between you know to chew that shit it's just yeah it's thick like curd of milk like i wonder if you can there's any correlation between you know you know that juice looks like and the sperm count

there has to be some kind of correlation like no actually no you're there might not be because most of the fluid has to do with your prostate not the sperm itself right i'm aware of that do a uh controlled test send us pictures of your jizz woody done many tests yeah i got a microscope i do feel too i haven't looked at my jizz yet when i have like like it does feel better when it's nice thick white cum you feel like damn that's probably got lots of sperms in it. Let's not make it racial. Yeah, Taylor, why'd you get racial over it? You're right, I'm sorry. I can't believe that you haven't looked at your own cum in a

microscope. Right? I really missed out. It's the first thing I would do. I looked into it. I was like, how much magnification do you need to see your sperm? And it was 400 times. And I looked at my microscope. Also 400 times. And I looked at my microscope. Also 400 times. And then somehow the experiment fell apart there.

I need to get back on it. You got to that point and then you're like, ho ho ho, someday. What did you think step two was? Coming and then looking at it. If I had that, dude, if I had a 400 times microscope and I knew that was the amount, I would literally come later tonight and look at it just out of

curiosity. You wouldn't want to see? I guess I wouldn't. I want to. I just haven't. I'd kind of want to see. Is that like a Collins School microscope? It's for the fish tank. There's certain kinds of algae that you need a microscope to know what's what. Yeah, I've become a fish scientist. I'll stop. I was trying out come up with why you would have a microscope i've been thinking about getting a telescope but i just don't think i'll use it i i keep thinking like will i haul that piece of shit outside and get the charts out or the app or whatever and hook it all up i'm sure there's an app that like oh i want to look at fucking this or that and it goes and looks at it. So I have a telescope

and the thing is you need to be talented enough to set it up and point it in the right direction and know what you're doing. It's like, alright, alright, here's the deal. Right at her window. First it's like with my telescope anyway, they're like, first

point it at Jupiter. And then once you point it at Jupiter and you've told it where you are and it it knows it's looking at jupiter you can go ask it to find whatever mars solaris i don't know what and uh um but the thing is i am only good enough to find the moon that's for my talent i could find that with my fucking glasses i can always cool. I can always see two planets at night. I don't know what they are, but I can figure it out. It's either Venus or Mars

or Jupiter. It's got to be one of those. It's not Mars. I don't think you can see Mars naked. I don't think it reflects light. Taylor, you can't see your fucking keys on the nightstand. We're not taking it. I don't think it reflects light. Taylor, you can't see your fucking keys on the nightstand. We're not taking it. Sometimes you have bad eyes and that's okay. I forgot I took

my contacts out last night and I went in to take my morning shit this morning with my eyes still closed and opened my eyes while shitting. And then forgot that I hid my contacts in my contacts and thought i was dude i i told jackie not long i'm like i hope you like guys with glasses because i am veering into the glasses all the time yeah i have glasses with uh the readers the cheaters or whatever but they have magnets in the middle so you like wear

them around your neck and then you snap them together in front of your face so i was like look i get that these are really old those are great but they're great they're fantastic it's a great design i've never used them but it is something that i see in public and it's funny you mentioned that that when i see someone using those take apart and put back down glasses i just see total confidence like absolute like this guy doesn't give a fuck that he looks like an uber right now with his like lime green glasses or whatever like nonsense it is and it i love it like he's using them to read the menu at a restaurant in which he's eating lunch alone that's what that guy's using those for it's a confident He's full of confidence.

He's brimming with it. That's a true level of no fuck given. If you can live like that, you have truly made it. That's fucking... If I see someone like that, I'm like, that motherfucker knows what's up. I'm glad my eyes work, but I would like the extra accessory in my life.

The same way I think that hats would be neat and we could all wear bowlers and just pretend like they're cool um i i think that it would be it would be like uh like like like the guy you know like the sport b-o-w-l-e-r right yeah bowler hat uh it's like old-timey yeah i got a uh a new dog about six months ago and so he he keeps like stealing our glasses off the nightstand. So we'll, like, go to bed. We'll just chuck them on there. And then he's, like, he'll just get them.

He comes up on the bed and then just steals them. And the other, yesterday morning, I woke up and I step out of bed and I go to walk out to the kitchen and I step on this fucking, like, a massive shard of glass that just, like, immediately fucks my foot up. And I'm like, what the fuck is that i look down and there's like a pair of my wife's glasses and the dog had chewed on them until he cracked the lens so one of the lenses is just like shattered and so he was just sitting there eating glass okay hey steve's all right i mean power running around i don't think you've got no vision of chewing glass.

You got all the pieces of glass. Did you do one of those Walter White things where you put the lens back together and see if any any shards are missing? Yeah, you don't want the dog eating it. But no, I got my rice and cigarette. Yeah, yeah. No, no deal. No expensive glasses are expensive, too. You know that if you could wear any hat, what style hat would you choose? Cowboy. I was are expensive, too. If you could wear any hat,

what style hat would you choose? Cowboy. I was going cowboy, too. You said bowler, and I'm like, this is good, but I feel like the bowler that's for a city fellow, but I want the hat to be both a fashion statement as well as just keeping the sun off of me. So I think one of those

very nice cowboy hats. I'm thinking maybe something like what Val kilmer wore and uh hats yeah just just just google the word hat and then no matter what he brings up i'll be like no that's not what i want that's not even a hat oh that's not even what i fucking wanted i said he should have immediately shown a picture of a boot just to we have uh we have like cowboy style hats in australia called a coobers it's uh i put a link in the thing but they're uh they're like a cowboy hat but not like as uh massive i love oh yeah i love that hat my dad wears a hat like okay yeah because like you know a full cowboy hat's like a lot temple of of Doom. I like that.

We call it his Indiana Jones hat. Literally, my dad, we started buying those for him a long time ago as sun hats. Yeah. I was prepared to insult this hat, and then as soon as I saw it, it turned me around. All right, this is a pretty good hat. I don't know if I'm cold leather.

Ah, the Deerstalker, that's my hat. Really? Because I'm a pillbox, the Deerstalker. That's my hat. Really? Because I'm a pillbox, dude. Honestly, looking at this, both Panama and maybe even Boater are jumping out at me. I kind of like that Boater hat. The Fascinator. Dude, that one has

the best name. The Fascinator? The Boater looks like you're in a fucking quartet. It's like a magician hat. Thebird pop right looks awesome yeah i agree that's like a detective's hat i feel like i know that the fedora more right i don't know the homework's like a everyone expects a guy in those version of the fedora yeah see what would you call that a cooper is that like a homburg? Or is that a cowboy hat? It's like a smaller cowboy hat.

It's definitely a trans hat. These are American hats. These are cowboy in Panama. I call it a cattleman. A deerstalker? That's very much a serial killer style of hat to wear. It looks like... It's a very British hat, I think.

I imagine an English hunter wearing that as he stops his prayer what's the back of the British neck doesn't get sunburned yes that's it guys i think the beanie is stupid and it's very popular meaning i'm the minority with this opinion if it's if it's cold i'll wear one it feels it feels nice to wear but it but it's not a good look. I've got a Carhartt beanie and it's so warm to pull over your ears on a cold day. If you're using it for function, if you're skiing or maybe

just working outside or something. It's for the people to wear them all day, every day. In the summer, people wear them. Do you guys know who Tim Pool is? Tim Pool is a political comment yeah yeah he's a political commentator and he wears a beanie oh that's yarmulke he's balding no that's why he's doing it i went to school with a guy and he wore a beanie like every day at school it was like one of those

fucking stupid hot ear flap ones and that thing he wore it all the time, and it fucking stank. It was rank, man. If you wear a beanie to hide your balding like Tim Pool does, that is the exact opposite vibe of that dude who wore the magnets glasses and eats by himself at a restaurant. Yeah. That is the I have no confidence. I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I'm not proud of who I'm turning into.

That beanie to hide your bald head look it's way worse than baldness just be bald like just just be bald if I go bald I'm just gonna be bald I think I've got bald take the pills your hair looks thick as fuck

no no when I shaved it back it was like a little bit thin up on the top there that doesn't look thin. I feel like if I hit the top of your head with my knuckles, you'd be slightly protected. My wife took a picture of me while I was sleeping and then has not stopped paying out on me. She noticed it because I shaved my head while I was in Europe because I was getting sick of it. It was too long.

And so I got sunburned almost immediately on the top of my head. And so I've got like a red patch there, and then the hair starts growing back, and it's like an iota thinner on top. It's not very... One pill a day, it raises your testosterone. It's great. And I don't even care about the growing hair. I just care about the fact that my wife is now calling me a bald cunt

for the rest of my life. Well, that's not fair you are not bald slush i don't know you're not even close to bald i've always had a i have a very like heart heart like massive forehead so my my like i it looks like my hairline is receding but i literally have just looked like a fuckwit my entire life dude yes if you saw my high school photos it's like this guy's got a five head and i've just stayed there ever since oh yeah have you seen people whose hairline doesn't recede back to like the adult hairline like you know there there is a permanently have childhood yeah there's a child hairline that's really low and when you become an adult you're you have you

get an adult hairline and there are people like i want to say marco rubio is one of them there are people whose hairline doesn't go back into an adult hairline and it's so low it makes you look immature and so sometimes yeah i can't believe you didn't know this yeah there's a child and in a real adult hairline and if you get to adulthood and your hair doesn't recede a bit as a man you look like a fucking goober are you sure you look bad? I bet I like the look. Can you pull up a picture of Alpha M?

We had him on the show once. Oh yeah, he was the... He has a very good head of hair. Okay, I don't... This isn't helpful, I'm afraid. Can you pull up Alpha M? That's the problem like it like that's not mild balding by the way i'm sorry um let's just say it's like almost gone you can't tell

from this angle yeah i think that's the the problem like when it's pretty deep in here but it's a long way from tim pool here's out that is the guy i was looking for his hair man would you say that he doesn't have an adult hairline? To me, he has a gifted hairline. That's an ethnic thing. He has an adult hairline. You can see it go back. Yeah, he has a widow's peak, which brings it in a bit there.

But you can see in the corners there, it just hasn't receded that much. But yeah, that's an adult hairline. It's like when you see those cops that get hair transplants. It's always like a perfect line across their head and they'll get a hair transplant and they have like the the child's hairline so it just looks fucking weird but what looks weird is sometimes people get a hair transplant but they don't take proper oh is that kid pranked but they don't take proper hair loss prevention drugs after their hair transplant so the new hair

that's in front stays but the balding back here continues to happen and get worse it's a shame it's like a regrettable I like being bald between being bald and then getting a hair transplant i'm sorry if anyone's

got a hair transplant that's listening but fuck you um i the embarrassment of having a hair transplant and admitting really care about myself so much and i worry about what people have uh are gonna think about me and going and getting that done and looking like that for like a year is fucking way worse than just shaving my fucking head so like first and looking like that for like a year is fucking way worse than just shaving my fucking head so like first of all like that rather shave my head i think it would have to get it'd have to get wild before i'd talk about fucking transplant surgery but all you gotta do for like 90 of men is take finasteride one of the safest widely used drugs by men on the market that might affect like a tiny fraction of people's fertility. Who fucking cares?

You take one pill a day. It's cheap as shit. You get it from one of those online doctors where you don't have to show up anywhere. Take two pills. Throw in some blue chew on top of it. Well, that's what you do. You get the blue. That's finasteride. If it's real bad, you mix minoxidil

in. If you go to any bodybuilding subreddit or forum, you'll see them talking about minfin.il in the if you go to any bodybuilding um subreddit or forum you'll hear them see them talking about men fin it's the mixture of the two you know that that's what uh if you go to i don't want to give anybody free plugs but there's websites where you go that are all about keeping your hair and uh that's that's all they're selling is minoxidil and finasteride and you can buy the cheap versions of both of those things for you so if you started if you started balding super aggressively i would immediately start minoxidil you looked pretty good in that hitman video that's not my real skull that's a fucking bald cat yeah it would have looked even better you'd be even more lumpy and scarred up yeah scarred up

yeah i got a puff yeah what if i have a bunch of fucking moles all over my head i've got a mole on the back of my head too i would look like like like like dirty professor x or something it would not go well um no like take your take your take your drugs don't be where do you fall on the uh i'd be ahead for that No, that's a bald cap So Slush was like He would never go through the embarrassment And kind of just had a negative view

Of people who were that A hair transplant I couldn't go through the hair transplant It wasn't a hair transplant But I got braces I got Invisalign braces for a year and a half And I think I would be a hypocrite To look down my nose at someone

who had a year worth of I wouldn't look down on that I mean literally I'd look down because they're short fuckers but if someone I'd love to see someone what if I added another inch dude honestly it would kill me how funny

that was if you got Dude, honestly, it would kill me how funny that was. If you got excruciating $200,000 surgery and a year of abject misery to be 6'3 instead of 6'2, that would be hysterical. To go from an already idealized to slightly almost we squeezed another percent out taylor it was excruciating it cost as much as a house and i had to go to mongolia yeah but here we are i'm gonna get 0.01 percent of women drew their tinder profile selection at six four instead of three 3. So Kyle had to be there.

And you want to know the way around that is just lie. Just lie about your height. If you think a woman can tell the difference between a 5'11 guy and a 6'1 guy, you're high. No, she can't. Women are stupid, and they have terrible legs. That does explain their driving. Dude, we have a big relay race here. I think it's a 5K or something.

I'm not real sure. Maybe it's a half marathon, but it's one of the most prestigious mini races in the country. It's not a marathon, I guess. It's called the Peach Tree Relay Race. First prize is like $7,500, which is, I guess, not beans. All right. For a race, that's solid.

Yeah, it's not beans. So this lady won last year. She came back this year to compete again. And at the end, she's leading by a good length. At the very end of the race, the cameras and the motorcycles that are in front of her, you know, to film her for the live coverage and everything, they turn off to go down their path. She turns off with them.

Oh, no. She left the racetrack, and she couldn't get back on the racetrack. No one said anything? Well, I mean, they started waving after a while, but she was disqualified, and she did not get her $7,500 or her back-to-back championship belt or whatever the fuck. That sucks. Dude, I felt so bad.

Was she in the lead by an enormous amount, too? Enough that she was the clear clear winner the other girl's way back there behind her and but but you know she left the racetrack so she lost that sucks that's not in the spirit of it give her a break hey send her get back on the track she was like in the light she's why in the late not on purpose not to cheat yeah this uh this other there's lots of ways to lose a race and being stupid is one of them one of the things that women are better at than us i think is long distance running or at least in practice they are there's this lady that does is it the moab or something it's that i think it's it's hundreds of miles call it 300 miles it might be it might be 400 miles it's

something like that you do it over three days or something stupid yeah men are better she slept for one minute in like three days or something and she goes into like this trance where she hallucinates she says every she's like every race it happens every race it happens you know i've been awake for two days straight and i'm i've ran 187 miles and and it'll and and you know i've peed on myself three times that day and all of a sudden the rabbits are cheering me on. She sees bunnies and animals that cheer her on on her long distance run. I bet that's a nice hallucination to get. Read that thing that Zach just put in, Taylor.

Out loud. Do you want me to read it? Oh, you're right. A new study that tracked ultra marathon running times worldwide out loud that's such an essential part of podcasting a new study that tracked ultra marathon running times worldwide over two decades found that women tend to outrun men after 195 miles now this folks is what we call fake news women outrun men after 195 miles. I didn't expect that. How many people run 195 miles? This must be a small sample size.

These people do. There's got to be like three people that do that. What you're telling me is it's made up? Here's the thing that I know. In swimming, this is the distance event, so it's just like a mile. Never. The women are 5% slower than boys.

It is the closest gap in swimming. Distance swimming. Makes sense. Right? I'm sure they benefit almost equally from buoyancy and stuff, but they're just cutting through the water easier, so it's making up for a lot of the less muscle, and they have higher fat,

so they're more buoyant than men. They're just used to the pain and suffering that they have to go through, so they just fucking push through. I don't buy that women are better at handling pain. I saw a thing the other day where they were like, we're going to put these electrodes on these men and simulate period cramps, and the men all pussy

out immediately. I was like, what are you doing to me, internet? What are you doing to me? You can't simulate childbirth any more than she can simulate passing a fucking kidney stone through a cock like get out of here can you imagine if you had like a 10 inch penis and you passed a kidney stone that's one of those areas where the baby dicks are in the lead have you had a kidney stone i knock on wood i've never had a kidney stone but that is like something i'm afraid of every day

never never once i haven't had one either jackie had one once and it was incredibly painful it was rough um it has occurred to me i wonder if this is the one instance i can think of where it's better to be a grower than a shower so how when it when it's getting pissed out is it like once it's in the track isn't it just firing out or Or is it getting stuck in your fucking penis? Kyle, you're muted. Kyle, you're muted. Is it getting halfway through your penis, and then it's getting stuck in your dick?

It's scraping down your urethra because it's too big. Zach needs to show some of the pictures that these things can be. First of all, it's like this sharp, calcified rock when you zoom in that looks like razor blade. It looks like fucking Mount Doom. Yeah, I've seen some of those. It can be big. That can't be from all the diet soda i'm drinking no it can't that's nonsense it's genetic thing if you if look you might get one i don't know i'm not i'm dr kyle here but i think i hear about people that get them their whole lives all the time like like oh yeah every every every

year i get one meanwhile i drink a 12 pack of soda a fucking day My entire life and never get one Or shit at soda Oh my god none of these are all so terrible It looks like I guess Like a Sistine It looks like Sistine is the best one to have Because they're tiny

But they're also made of like sand It looks like you're pissing out the bottom of Woody's fish tank It looks like that're pissing out the bottom of Woody's fish tank. It looks like that fucking obsidian stuff that people smash to make fucking caveman lives. Volcanic rock. I think uric acid. I'd go with that if I had to choose. Yeah, nice smooth uric acid.

Uric acid. Uric. That's just something to do with urine. Like machine gun pellets. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Stunavite is known. Just fucking kill me yeah yeah i love that uh i love how it's like possible causes including include drinking too little water exercise too much or too little it's like okay so where's the where's the limit on this too little exercise this is like this is like my wife like you're not doing enough around the house you're doing too much around the house it's like fuck off just leave me alone all right i'm hoping

the shit tons of water i drink will protect me from so many things are genetic i i think that this is one of them i think obviously balding is one of them you either are you aren't you know i think that there are things you can do to exacerbate it and cause it that there are guys who did steroids in their teens, and they brought on male pattern baldness that they probably wouldn't have seen until their 30s or 40s, and they brought it on in their early 20s. Those guys who have – I saw a guy, YouTube Shorts recommends all sorts of bodybuilding and steroid shit,

and this dude was in the gym at like he's a teenager 16 17 18 he looked 45 his hair was all gone he had a big grizzly man beard he's he's probably 300 pounds and like like an incredibly powerful man but like but like heavy at the same time like a big powerful mountain man looking fella and it's like dude the guy goes wait you're you're 17 he's like yeah yeah steroids man you know i don't know i'm big he's like you look strong though he's like i am kyle do you watch anatoly do you know this name for youtube shorts uh no i might know is him but not by name yeah so he's russian i think he's actually russian but he does that accent he's a power lifter but if he wears a custodian's outfit which is like a onesie type

i've seen i don't know oh yeah that did spotty you can kind of hide it um he's jacked he looks really good with his shirt off but you rarely see that and uh basically like he goes up to these really strong schwarzenegger looking bodybuilders and then picks up their deadlift with like one hand to sweep around it and shit like that it's pretty funny yeah i've seen those i've seen those on youtube uh i just didn't know him by name like i say he looks kind of goofy i wonder how much of that stuff is fake you know like i want to um the youtube shorts in particular i keep getting recommended the i hate these it's someone on the right is it's like a senate hearing or someone dropping some knowledge

and on the left side of the screen is is like a judgy white woman nodding and like wagging her finger listen up here for that finger wag listen up it it's i try to let it know that I don't like that. I sort of, oh, click fast. Don't hesitate. Because I think that if I give it a quarter of a second more, it's like, I noticed that quarter of a second. Let's work with this. Because there was a girl wearing a skirt,

and she's like popping her ass, and there's a mirror behind her. And I'm like, am I going to see? I should have known I wasn't gonna see her ass I should have known that because I watched it twice though now just to be sure YouTube can't decide now whether I like the song she was dancing

to or just slutty girls so it hits me with both it's coming at me from both angles like that song song I've never heard now your algorithm is getting even more fucked up because you're accidentally scrolling and staying on the song again and then YouTube's going, he loves this song! And it just keeps feeding it to you.

I'm thumbing it down and it doesn't care. You know what I get? I'll go on YouTube Shorts watching those primitive technology things. Oh, I love that shit. Because those are so fun. And then all that youtube will feed me is like how to build a fire how to survive this how to you're trapped in the bottom of whatever the fuck what do you do and it's like no no no no you're giving me like these gay ass infographic

shorts now of some fucking loser telling me what might happen if something no there's a reason i'm watching the the no shoes guy build stuff with mud in his hands like i don't want i don't want some guy to be like hey survivalist here did you know 10 fun facts about mud in the world and it's like fuck you fuck you youtube is testing me with its shorts and it's making me learn something about me here's the scoop i got into jumping rope not long ago a month ago or something i'm getting competent at it and there's these gorgeous girls who like jump dance and i'm like all right this is goals for me i want to dance i want to jump rope like a hot chick i want to do like rock and running man a shuffle while jumping rope and spin around the guy is the guy-est thing I've ever heard. You're so fucking funny.

So then YouTube is like, oh, this guy likes jumping rope. And then there's like shirtless men doing it. And I'm like, maybe it was never about the jump rope at all. But you want to learn the moves that men do because you don't want people to call you gay. So now you're watching Muscle Tom doing jumping.

It's going the wrong way, Woody. I don't know about this. I think YouTube is going to get some misunderstandings. Why do you like jump rope, man? Why do you like it? Is your calf not healed up to Mega Man mode yet? Are we still recouping the calf? Dude, I feel the exhaustion in my calves.

And I'm like, I think this is better than anything else I do for calves. I get a little more cardio, which i hope helps with dirt biking and uh it's basically calves and cardio wait how long are you going like boxes how long am i going like all like in one i guess you call the set i don't want to admit it is it is it time or do you count things i do it for time uh i do it honestly right now. I do two minutes and then I rest and I do one minute. Dude, that's not a joke. Dude, if anyone out there is laughing at that,

go grab a jump rope and set a timer for two minutes and then go as fast as you can. It's not as easy as you think. I do not think that I could even get one rotation without it hitting my feet. You could. It took you a little bit and then you did. You'd be double dutching.

I remember when I got that down, and I was like, damn, I'm slick. Yeah, I can do the cross. I can't do the cross. That's not for me. I could do the two-around thing. All right, I can do the moon. You might be familiar with this one. It's the one where the rope catches your heel,

and then the rope whips you in the back on your thighs so hard that you start thinking like, God, slaves dealt with this every day. It is one of the most singular painful things that has ever happened. I've broken bones. That doesn't happen if you're good at sports. It hurts so fucking much when you whip yourself in the thighs with like a speed rope going fast. You know what I can do also? That's it's super easy, but I like it when I'm done. When I want to stop, I stop jumping, but I put my toes in the air and I just capture the rope and it feels pro.

That's what they do in the YouTube shorts. Also, has Jackie seen that move? Oh, yeah, dude. It was like embarrassing to jump in front of her at first like like she's not supposed to see me now she's like a fucking slipping slot but she's got that right now yeah she's actually like like you're getting good at that like like because i do it fast oh i bet that's gonna be you she's gonna be the new lewis ck might just ring in the devil's doorbell while you're skipping right in the land? I bought a jump rope.

I tried to do jump rope cardio last time I cut weight and it was dreadful. I bet it's great for footwork. I bet it's great for building some kind of actual real cardio, like usable cardio. But man, I learned i hated jumping up and down that that's true dude so i choose jackie's exercises and like put her routine together for her whether you actually like an exercise is very important yeah you know it um tricep pushdowns i like tricep pushdowns on the bar and i've been told a million times that the rope is better that you pull the rope down and pull it apart at the bottom of it twist your wrist down there you get a little arm flat yeah

the rest i'm not doubting that your way is better but i am sure i like mine more so i'm like i feel jacked that's the one i do you will get more of a pump in your when i did the pull down i'm like i'm like yeah i'm a fucking hope but if i'm lifting myself up and down i'm like man it's it's now i just feel like i'm trying to get out of bathtub there are some exercises that i absolutely hate but like dips rock yeah i could always do every time i finish doing dips like with like weights i'm like around my waist i'm like damn like i feel like i really did something good i personally you can get a set out of the way cardio you've got to get in there and go you cardio for the birds my friend don't worry about it don't listen that's not true it's

true no no he's right yeah like let me just say like i when you've been doing an hour of cardio a day for a few months, you'll be so much better at sex, it'll be shocking. You've got all sorts of new skills. Just so much stamina. You've got so much more tackling fuel. I'm not sure she could take that. Dude, right now what I do is I fuck for 30 seconds until I get winded, and then I show her how many times I can lift her up. Is that not clunking?

Okay, now you're going to put her on top, grab her by the waist, and then just bait off with her. Two fingers down the abro, two fingers up her bottom, bench press her. Full of old Chinese finger trap. That's who it is. I think it's just like Diablo. You want to make it sure you're not

using any stamina when you use your base attack, your primary attack. I'm getting full of essence when I'm slinging my cum. If you have to, you can bring some companions in, but I don't recommend that. No, I've got 12 skeletons. Eight ravens.

I've got 12 skeletons. They don't have dicks because they're skeletons, but they're there for moral support. They cheer us on. You get bonus experience if you bring in a mite. 5%. You just have to have someone standing outside. Thank you. Bring in a mite?

A mate. A mate. But he says mite. He brings in dogs when he does it. Tell me more. Every time i had to do this last night it's like start getting hot and heavy and then all of a sudden i got fucking two dogs three fucking cats that are just like all they just they want to be in the in the apart

they're like they're fucking on you so it's before sex it's like you have to get up you have to throw two dogs out then you got to throw a cat out and then one dog gets back in like a fucking 30 minute process to get those cunts out of the room before you can bone down there's a pain in the ass wait wait you make them leave the room well yeah they'll try to get involved otherwise that's what you're saying it's it's like they're not just gonna sit on the floor and just wait until we're finished having sex like my dogs are very like they want to be on in your face so like i i couldn't not leave them make them leave the room because they would literally be like trying to fucking lick my face or balls or something i let them stay in the room they stand

now they're great danes so they can see the bed clearly because they're tall and like an audience i feel so judged afterwards like you should i'm judging you now for letting them sit in there and watch you that's yeah they shouldn't see that that's fucking weird that's weird having dogs in the room yeah i mean i stare it at you i don't i don't want them to see that i don't need to know anything about that imagine the view while you're just like pile driving your wife and they're just like down the bottom of the bed just watching your balls slap up and down views yeah i don't need to see that it's fucked you're gonna snark they don't are they de-sexed like what if they randomly start thinking what if they randomly think that you're attacking jackie and decide to defend her and viciously

demasculinize you? Oh, there's a plan for that. Switch to doggy style so they know what I'm doing. Oh. They'll be like, oh, sorry, I misinterpreted. I just always think back to those chimpanzees that Taylor talks about that immediately rip your balls off. Oh, yeah. Nah, Ender wouldn't do that.

Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe, maybe not. Is this normal? Other people kick their animals out of the room if i if i fall asleep with like without the covers over me my new dog will just like try and bite my nipples and shit like he's just a he's just a prick of a dog and he's just like if we're like this is a negative to you he He's he, no, he's just fucking, but it's, I want my wife, but my nipples, not my fucking dog, man.

Like this is, he's trying to get involved. He's just got a lot of, he's got a lot of shit going on. It's weird. Do you like your nipples bit real hard? Yeah. I don't want to,

I don't want a dog like tongue in my fucking ear hole while I'm like trying to fuck. It's strange. No, you don't. You're talking about, of course, removing the dog no you don't you're talking about of course removing the dog from the room when you're fucking yeah which is i think appropriate especially since a lot of the time the dog doesn't all of you remove the dog if there's a chance the dog is going to like jump up on the bed and like interfere it seems like your dogs are like probably like oh they're just doing that thing again i'm a greatane, and so I like to sleep in the corner.

Your dogs sleep on the bed? Yes. Because both of my dogs will sleep on the bed, and they will sleep up on the pillows in between our heads and shit like that because they're pretty small. So if they're trying to get to the position where they usually sleep, so we'll go and lay down in bed, and if we're not having like we're not having sex their first thing would second we jump into bed they just move maneuver straight to their position so

they'll jump into their thing if we're trying to have sex and we're like fucking next to each other they're trying to maneuver around our heads man so we've got like fucking two dogs and probably a cat just walking backwards and forwards over the top of our fucking domes while we're trying to fuck it's weird man you have to get them out of there yeah yeah those little dogs one of my dogs if you're doing anything other than like just sitting there watching tv will just come up and stare at you in the eyes so like you can't like he's judging the fuck out of you yeah he yeah he just watches you is he calling you lazy with his eyes like why don't we walk in balls like he's just interested in what i'm doing i don't know i don't know what his deal is he just follows me around the house anything i'm doing it apparently i'm i'm like

a fucking hit tv show for you you're the food man of course he's in fat show with you yeah i prefer the hit TV show analysis. Oh, shit. He loves it. Anything I'm doing, the second I sit down, if he can get to me, he's up on my lap and just staring directly into my eyes. What kind of dog is he? That's a Scottish Terrier. The other one sort of started doing it now. We've got the Shippakee, they're called. Both of our dogs are really old.

They're both older than Great Danes are even supposed to get. And every so often I see Jackie on the internet, like, finding new Great Danes. And it's like, this is the biggest betrayal ever. They're not even dead, and you're shopping for their replacements. Don't you let Ender see you. What the fuck? Both of ours are still pretty young like the oldest is two and the other one's not even eight months yet so there's like nine and eleven

something like that your great danes are nine and eleven i think so yo never forget yeah that they had a good long life you've been doing something good with them because you've had good luck with all of them right save like one yeah one died early he had a heart attack um they said it was genetic but most of our dogs live a long time maybe it's because we buy expensive food i don't know probably that shit has to make a huge difference like it's literally it's what they're eating every day like the fucking alpo is the same as like the chicken chunks like no like obviously not what kind of food do you feed them like i don't know but jackie does that she has it delivered

quality stuff though yeah yeah we get like the quality biscuits and then feed them like a type of meat like they're really into tuna at the moment they fucking love it tuna tuna tuna tuna yeah they're really you just feed your dogs tuna and then they just have the most rancid shits of all time no no they don't really it's it's kind of good like you know i mean you're not like getting not getting them fucking tuna and fucking garlic sauce or some shit. It's just like tuna in spring water. And they fucking go wild for it. They love it.

Tunas are cool. You know, tunas can't just breathe. They have ramjet lungs. So they have to swim constantly. If you hold them still, they drown. Really? Suffocate, I guess. Is that how sharks are, too? I don't think so.

Where they always have to stay moving? No, sharks don't. I think sharks go into some kind of catatonic state if you stop them moving. Yeah, if they flip upside down, they become catatonic or something like that. Some sharks. Damn, I did not know that. That's really interesting yeah you do that with like uh fish if you like if you take them out of the water and

then you like put them back in there to like release them so you want to take a photo of them you put them in there and then you go backwards and forwards and it puts like water through their gills like wakes them back up i've seen that done i've never done it that makes sense yeah they sort of push them in and out of the water fill the gills up and then let them swim away i watched like a an hour long video of this japanese guy segmenting and butchering a tuna that was like 700 pounds and like just him like sharpening all his blades and like all the precise cuts and everything and like i think i've watched that like the thing with with tuna that's like you know when you watch like beef getting

butchered or something you can look at like a delicious steak and be like that's so tasty looking but like with tuna it's even more real because you're generally eating it or at least i do like in sushi form and so you see them like segment out the fatty tuna bits and you like the and by bits i mean like fucking giant hunks of it and it's like that looks exactly like a bigger piece of what you get when you go to a sushi restaurant like no change not just a piece of that and it's just wild to be like it really is what it is yeah one of my uh my streams he's uh his dad is a uh tuna fisherman and they're like they'll catch like big ones and then they'll take them to this market and they'll have like uh jet like japanese dudes that will come or like people that are associated

with these japanese markets and they'll select ones and he said he they caught one that was worth uh half a million dollars for one fish it's just like that's a fucking gangster fish we want to buy this off you for half a million dollars yeah and they're like the ones they're buying there it's like these high-end japanese sushi places like have a guy whose entire job is to pick a fish for, like, the next two weeks or whatever the fuck, however long it lasts. I've always wondered about this, because I keep hearing this shit, and I

see them slicing it up with their fancy, like, weird sword thing and throwing the chunks at people in the street and everybody's watching and everything. They don't do that. But if they do, I've seen them do it. But if these fish are worth, like, thousands of dollars each are they like super rare is it hard to get one is there a license that only allows me to

catch three a week or i think it's more like the the like the how how good the meat is in it it's like a cow like you have like good steak cows and you have ones that are shit. You know? Yeah. It's also... Vast amounts of giant tunas that just aren't up to grade. No, no, no. Kyle, you're right about the, like, I don't think fatty tuna used to be as expensive until they, like, levied limits on how much you could fish. And so now

they're trying to find, like, the fucking tuna because they can only bring in so many. And so you bring in the fucking tuna that's perfectly proportioned and has all the biggest sections of meat. That ruined one of the best reality TV shows of all time. What's the word?

Deadliest Catch. Deadliest Catch. The whole point of the show was Deadliest Snatch. That's a different show. It's about a woman with AIDS. that's a different about a woman with aids jesus christ um deadliest catch the point used to be that these crab fishermen had like a week to fish like hey the season begins on the first ends on the eighth

go catch as much as you can and so it was it was advantageous to to work 24 hour shifts to work 48 hour shifts to not stop and you're doing dangerous work so the sleepiness plus the conditions that they would work in storms no matter what hey the money is there it's gold on the floor let's get it and the captains to add to what kyle's saying they have to find it right you can have a very hard-working crew but if the captains fall through and don't find the gold at the bottom yeah yeah they always they pretty much always seem to find it though well they changed the whole that so so the seasons changed the way it works changed up there in alaska i think because of safety reasons they said hey too many people are dying everybody

everybody everybody's allowed to catch x amount of pounds of crab take your time be safe make sure y'all get eight hours tonight and they kept making the show they're still making the show who cares it's lazy crab fishing now we could go out there i get i'm not even joking you give us a crap a captain and and this group right here could catch as much crab as fucking Captain Johansson or whoever the fuck won last year. Let's do it. It's all made up. It's all made up.

No. I'm not making a crab question. That's for fucking felons and child molesters. But then they tap like a boss. All right. Well, you and Woody are in. I was about to say, I don't think they'll take you, Taylor. And we charge. So there we go.

They have licenses for abalone in Australia, so you need a license to catch a commercial grade of it. But because you can buy it and then hold on to it people rent out the license and it's like an asset so i one of my uncles he that's what he did like he was uh he was an abalone fisherman he used to do it himself because it wasn't worth that much money and then they have a lot of license it's a shellfish it's like a shellfish yeah i read a book as a child about a girl who survived on those on a desert island and i never now it's like uh super it's super expensive because it's like you can only bring in a certain amount and so they've got like these

people that own these licenses and now he just doesn't even need to work because he just rents his license out to people because it's like an asset and he just doesn't even have a boat he's just fucking it's crazy codes to life like that like yeah i was thinking about it when you were talking about your monaco experience so i went on a disney world cruise and i think it was three weeks long like first we went around the mediterranean stopped maybe in africa and then it ended in florida right so it's long cruise and i'm looking around like all right i get that i'm doing this too but this is insane to me how did you people pull this off like i live a weird stupid life i'm a youtuber i can fucking make family vlogs and upload them from a ship what are you guys doing to enable you to cruise around the mediterranean and africa and

across the atlantic and across the Atlantic? And guys are acting like it's simple. Like, yeah, the trick is you need passive income. How many shopping malls do you have? None. I don't have any. That guy's working hard these days. That shopping mall king of Santa.

But yeah. You get nervous and you're like, just one. That's the kind of one i would do just one and then i'd have to be like fuck you wouldn't know about it i'm surprised i didn't see it the mall owners of america meeting last month where are you from again i don't own any malls my name is taylor walton I don't own any malls. My name is Taylor Walton. Yeah, the trick is you got to have passive income. And like, I don't know, like that's some thing that no one else thought of or just easy to pull off.

He said that. And then there was I was talking to a guy. This guy was worth nine digits. Right. So he's very wealthy. And his prized collection of ceramic frogs. He had the best ceramic frog and toad collection on earth. Big room of his house dedicated to these figurines. And I'm really trying to act like it's cool, but I don't think I pulled it off.

All right. Wait, hold on. Hold on. What kind of thing? That guy cannot get consent. That can't get consent i cannot get consent that's straight up what was he what were the what were the intro like when he was showing you a new frog was he saying like this is from a botswana it's a rare frog were they silly frogs like a fisherman frog like a night yeah yes frogs wearing hats from holes my grandma had given my granny

would have been fucking boozled buddies you have no idea yeah who the fuck's kyle's grandma dude my aunt has them this guy's worth like 100 200 million dollars he can have anything and by the way he wasn't gonna live that much longer and and like what he picked to get interested in was ceramic frogs i i don't know i'm into some stupid shit but he makes me look smart that is some really you got like what you got a year and a half yeah let me do you a favor how about this how about i smash all these fucking frogs for you right that one's a steal 65 dollars it's the last one. I hate that. I hate that so much. It has a human

nose. That's horrific. I would pay to smash that. I wonder if he'd like it. It's so ugly. Actually, you know what? What's that chef one on the top? I like that one. So what he's trying to describe are these hummels that come in. It's just like anything else that's collected.

My grandmother literally collected... She had ceramic frogs, and each of them did it differently. He looks scared! Why does he look scared? It's like the Pillsbury Dough Frog. What's that one with just lips? Is that one with just the mouth? Is that one Japanese?

I'm getting a little turned on by the lip. Look at the sumo wrestler one I like that I hate the mouth one that gummy is starting to kick in and these are making me uncomfortable these little faces that one's got hair look on the left

that one looks like it's fucking alive that one to me looks like it might open its mouth what undiscovered serial killer is posting these? That's a child's hair he used on that little frog. Yes. This is Albert Fish. That's Amaranth's hair.

How much would you pay for Amaranth's braided pubic hair? No more than I'd pay for any of these frogs. That depends. Can I prove that it's hers and then resell it? Honestly, if it came with a certificate of authenticity, I would pay thousands of dollars for a braided amaranth pubic hair

keychain. She should get right on that. But hair, once it leaves a person, is gross. No. It's romantic, Taylor. You know, like in the olden times when you had to give a lock of your hair to a knight or some shit.

He's about to go fight the fucking Turks for Christendom and godliness. Okay? He's bringing back Slytherin. I remember how touched I was before Kyle went to prison. He sent me the braided foot hair.

You're goddamn right. It forms a ring and that stands for our unbroken friendship no matter how far away we are. That bond that we have is as strong as that ring of foot hair.

No. She's got... No, you sold me. I like that. I bet she doesn't. Not if she's selling them. Is she selling the pubes? No, she's clean-shaven. Last I checked.

It's been like 30 minutes. I don't think that was a stupid question. There was that one girl who sold the bathwater. It's not unreasonable to think someone else that was selling pubic hair. She's on the kick right now of selling the mold of her vagina. But I wouldn't be surprised if at some point she sells some hair. I would buy a lock of hair.

I feel like if it was like, like, I don't want like a gross pubic hair thing. But like if it was like like Gimli receiving three golden hairs from, you know. When I first started. OK, now that you said that. Yeah. When I first started doing bitch on my stream. Yeah, I'm so easy to convince. I asked for one of her curly red pubic hair. She gave me three. When I first started doing merch on my stream, I asked for one of her curly pubic hair.

Eladriel gave me three. use one of them to floss it's hot as shit i i did uh when i first started streaming i did merch and someone was like send me send me some of your your beard hair they were like they wanted a bit of my beard hair in the package for the merch and so i uh grabbed like a handful of my pubes and just cut them off and they just sent this motherfucker like a massive handful of pubes just like there you go bud did you tell him uh after he had opened the package and uh had a shoe either swept them up or eaten them, I told him it was pubes.

Damn, his hair looks a lot scragglier than I thought his pubes would be. Yeah, yeah. Your hair and pube hair is I mean, not totally different. Pube hair is definitely not nearly as thick. I agree, but it's curly and disorganized.

I don't have ginger pubes though it might be it's pretty ginger so it's upsetting well but i mean like the hair itself half like like the actual beard hair is like a thick hair like it's not like a head hair it's not like a leg hair like it's when i guess your last time you got some hair in your food you ordered your food you're eating dinner got a little little hair right in there right between your teeth right your chompers right in the middle of your potato salad the last time i had one and i had like hair enter my mouth i know that's happened before yeah and every time i ate i had bead hair in my fucking mouth dude you wouldn't know they could fucking grate your cheese with their asshole and you wouldn't know if it was your hair or theirs.

I'm not that sensitive about hair in my food. It doesn't bother me. Really? That's because 90% of your meals I would guess are prepared by your wife, so who cares? But if you ordered delivery food, we all got pizza delivered, for example, and you had a bite of pizza and a big hair came out and you like did that thing

where it pulled out of the cheese that that wouldn't upset you greatly i would have ever experienced that like intellectually i would recognize that this thing wasn't prepared with like good sanitary standards but i would literally just pull the hair out probably i don't care either and keep i don't care either yeah i i always i don't... I've gotten to the point where when it does happen, I'm like, there's no point in thinking about it. I'm finishing. Why even identify

what kind of hair it was as if it will matter? It's Schrodinger's pubic hair. That could be mine. I might have one long red hair. I don't care at all. It's like society. It's probably my do-rag in there. No big deal. i don't think i would ever even notice because like i have so many pets that 90 of the time anything that is in my house has hair on it and if i went to a restaurant and i went to eat something and i had hair on it or i ordered food i just assume it was a pet hair i just like that's like better i ordered deli potato salad the other day and a sandwich and

i was eating the potato salad and there was a long salad in the in the like to deliver do you well it comes cold you know from the deli like it's chilled potato salad like southern potato salad mustard delivered to you yeah yeah well that you can order you can use instacart so you avoid all the fees that like doordash and other places have and you order from their deli so you're so it's a really cheap way to get food delivered to you with like no fees at all and there's like healthy options you can get like a turkey wrap and because i don't use these services very much instacart is cheaper than doordash in certain situations from certain places where they have these the minimum order will be like ten dollars so as long as you put ten bucks in

the cart everything's free like no charges and so you know you can have a sandwich you get that from our supermarket and uh like our local supermarket does that on uber eats if you order over like fifty dollars it'll do uh someone will go in there for Uber Eats and shop for you. I have stopped going to the supermarket. There's not a big tipping culture with Instacart like there is with DoorDash. I think it auto-tips like 2%.

It's like, okay. What about the price? At DoorDash, if I go to Wendy's, a number six is, I don't even know, $8. But if you get it through doordash it's like 11 12 14 something crazy sometimes twice the price so they have two they have they do two different things it's interesting if you want a really small order like that ten dollar minimum you'll pay a little up charge on every item everything's like five percent ten percent even

more expensive depending on what it is but if if you do the $35 minimum order, it's a completely different, but they have two Kroger's or two, whatever your grocery store is. Do you want the minimum order quick and go kind of shit? Or do you want the $35? And if you're agreeing to spend $35 or more with them, they give you the reduced pricing. And I've got a Sam's Club card. So you can like punch that in in and go to another tier of low pricing. So you can really scam them. I've gotten a lot of free groceries out of them before.

There was that one time where I didn't mean to scam them. They delivered to one of my... I've got multiple addresses in there. They delivered to the wrong place, but it was like $200 worth of... My week's worth of meats and vegetables like the expensive stuff like steaks were in there multiple steaks and i complained and made such a stink and then they redid the order they're just

like we'll get somebody to fix it they went and got all the shit and duplicated it again and i got double the order essentially for i don't think they charged me anything i think they get like refunded everything for my trouble it's wonderful every now and then you hit a jackpot with them like that kind of like amazon where they're just really cool customer service wise so yeah like instacart for lunch sometimes but anyway there's fucking hair in my potato salad and i didn't give a shit because what am i gonna do potato salad i forged ahead how dirty did you decide you were we were texting the other day you were looking at uh grills and smokers i was looking today again you know what um so i i saw man i just searched traeger on amazon and i saw there was three

models and i was like wonder what that bitch made trigger cost over there on the left and i clicked it and it was eight hundred dollars and i was like damn all wonder what that bitch made trigger cost over there on the left. And I clicked it and it was $800. And I was like, damn. All right. Hang on. Let me see. Don't go on Amazon for it. I got mine was like, no, I went to Home Depot and it was like 650 compared to like 820 on Amazon.

So one of the grills that jumped out to me, one of the alternates, I would say, just because the name, I love the name, the Komodo Joe. I like that. What does it have? When I heard it, it was like, I think it's a green egg alternative. It was the Komodo Joe. When I saw that name written, I started writing this whole fiction about a Hawaiian wrestler who grilled out and had these pineapple slices and this pork. And I was like, oh, the fucking Komodo Joe. That means business.

Komodo Joe grills. He does that fucking fire spinny thing. But I don't remember. The guy that you knew that did that, he turned out to be a horrible human being, I remember. I can't remember exactly what he did. He was like a pedophile or something or a rapist. I can't remember that guy that you knew that did that. He turned out to be a horrible human being. I remember. I can't remember exactly what he did. He was like a pedophile or something or a rapist. I can't remember which. No, but he was a shithead.

My association. That's all I'm saying. This shit here. Holy shit. Oh wait, this is digital. I think there may be tears of the Komodo Joe. I ain't looking. Hold on. This is charcoal. Two Gs deep into barbecue. Do you know how much barbecue you could have done for you by a chef for $2,000?

$2,000. If you get a non-pellet smoker, it's going to take a lot more babysitting. Yeah, I would want the pellet thingy that takes care of itself because, you know, every now and then I eat one of these everlasting. It's tremendous. I don't look at it at all like i you you pour all the pellets of whatever flavor you're trying to put applewood or whatever you pour it in but you see my point consistently for eight hours if you what do you have taylor what which kind of smoker did you like a traeger 750 pro or six traeger pro something like that you chose that over the egg yeah yeah i did some research on the egg and the traeger is both cheaper has better reviews uh easier to use and um apparently less likely to break or i guess if if you do have a problem

with it i guess traeger is known for being very good about that shit because they take being like i guess they take the reputation seriously kind of like craftsman yeah Leatherman whatever that is so yeah I would recommend the Traeger it's it has not given me a single fucking problem you you can put an app on your phone I didn't

do that because I just I'll walk outside and change it on the little thing but if you want you can Mr. Cardio you can you can go you can go 20 miles away and then go oh fuck i i have that smoking right now it's supposed to go from uh 370 to uh to 280 and then you just drop it and it automatically lessens the amount of pellets in there until it's the correct heat so one thing i gotta think about is do i want two thousand dollars worth of barbecue grill or even a thousand dollars for the barbecue because here's the alternative like there's

like a lot of effort what my heart tells me to do is to get one of those 100 charcoal grills and i'm thinking that makes a tasty burger that's that burger that smells like smoke from camp because that's all i want because i every now all i think it's just like a webster grill talking about a web or whatever yeah just the cheapest fucking aluminum steel whatever just i my every now and then my neighbor cooks burgers and i smell that greasy like smoked charcoal smell and i'm like ah that's all i want i really just want to like one bite of his hamburger and that would be done. Just get out of the fence and be like,

hey man, next time you're cooking hamburgers, give me a 10-box one. But a man of your stature needs a grill that connects to your iPhone for some reason. I don't know why it has that, but it's a feature. I think I'm going to get a grill. You enjoy cooking.

You like cooking and you're good at it. There are so many things you can do with a smoker. You would have fun turning a little tiny piece of meat into a pork shoulder. See, that's irrelevant. Look, I have gadgets. This move has taught me some things, though. I have so many gadgets. Let me tell you this a little.

So I've got a bread machine, an ice cream maker. I have two air fryers, big ones. I can deep fry an entire 25-pound turkey because I have two different fryers. I can fry two turkeys simultaneously. Can you rotisserie cook a chicken? You're goddamn right, Woody. I can do that all day, all day, every day. Do you have a rotisserie cooker?

Yes, I have one of those rotisserie. Put the fucking chicken in there, and he slowly cooks, and the fat melts off. This is proving the point that you need the smooth. Do you have a George Orman grill? No, because I don't want those. I bet you have one at one point and you throw it away.

No, I have the fucking pour over with the fucking kettle like you're Aladdin if you want to get real fancy. I have so many kitchen gadgets. It's stupid. It's nonsense. The idea of adding a huge new one to the mix when i already have the protein turkey fryer it's on your patio it's not when i moved

when i was gonna say he moves every year this guy when i moved i had wheels on it you can pick up he moves every year he has every kitchen gadget stove, and a weightlifting gym. But he doesn't need a smoker. When I went to move, I had three empty bottles of propane. He'll be back. I had three empty bottles of propane on my back patio, and I was like, I put them in garbage bags and just threw them

in the dumpster. I figured, you know, what's the worst that could happen, right? You threw old propane tanks in the dumpster? Dude, that is so fucking funny, man. That's hilarious. That's such a shitty thing to do. That's how my anti-tank mind did the crash.

What's the worst that could happen? So you're just picking it up and just... You're keeping it into the fucking... mine in the trash. So you're just picking it up and just whoop. Keeping it into the fucking I'm going to hide this under a piece of plywood. It's the crush faction. They're black.

They grab it with the robot arm anyway in my neighborhood and they dump it into the back. There's no humans around the propane bottles. But it's irrelevant. Yeah, the machine in the back. It'll be fine. A little gas will come out. But some fucking... That's how grenades work.

Some complaining Nelly up at Sanitation was like, we discovered your propane bottles. We won't pick them up. You'll have to pay blah blah blah. And I was like, okay, I'll send the junk man. And you said I'm coming to your office with a gun.

I have more propane. How do they discover your propane bottles? Well, you know, they don't pack well. They don't pack well in the trash bags. You know, the big ones. Like the kind under a blowtorch? Oh, you wish, motherfucker. No, the big boy. Yes! The 25 pound tanks, like the kind under a blowtorch oh you wish motherfucker no this is like the kind

under a grill yes wait the 25 pound tanks like the big boys big one yes that's that's this is like such a fucking rude thing to do that's so funny you just it's a garbage man you know i i they're not real people taylor they're, certainly not. Their job is picking up garbage, Taylor. This seems within their purview. I don't think I've leapt far beyond the bounds of what a normal garbage man would handle in his day-to-day activities. I'm sure he's come upon...

I'm sure occasionally comes upon empty... Look, they were empty. Ah, the fucking Kyle house. It's got all the fucking propane tanks and syringes. I hate this place. I do my best to put the syringes in 20 ounce bottles and put the lids on and make them super safe. Well, your best is all you can do, man.

Look, I let all the... Does it not matter that I let all the gas out of the propane tanks? They were empty propane tanks. Oh. Okay, that matters immensely. That does matter, yeah. I wouldn't put pressurized tanks in there. They were empty propane tanks. Oh. Okay, that matters immensely. That does matter, yeah. I wouldn't put pressurized tanks in there. They could explode and hurt people. I thought that you threw... Well, I led you on

to the leaf stuff because that's funny. Yeah, of course, because that's much funnier. I wouldn't do that to people. You'd be liable then if you blew somebody up. I'm not insane. So you just... How long did it take for you to leave it open? How long does it take a propane tank to totally be empty if you just open it? I don't know. I turned them on and got the fuck

away from them. They were leaking propane profusely because I opened them in the backyard. But it's a safe gas. It's clean burning. It is a safe gas. It doesn't fill into low-lying areas and rest there until you unbeknownst to some smoker, they blow themselves up. That never happens.

Does it do that? I actually don't know. You would really want Hank Hill on that one. He's a propane expert. You could have fooled me so easily right there. No, I don't know what else to do with him, but the junk man charged me extra $50 to like... Honestly, I was like, dude,

I know you're going to go to the gas station and turn them in for... You get money back for them or something like that. Dude, my garbage company today i didn't really know this was how they switch out your your trash and recycling cans they just dropped off two new cans like two fresh cans but there's no one i didn't get rid of my old cans where do i there's no way they're going to come through my whole fucking neighborhood and throw all those in the back of a truck.

Do I just have to have four garbage cans now? Four giant garbage cans? I would call them... I've had a lot of issues with my garbage men. That's partly why I didn't mind burdening them with some propane tanks. They wouldn't pick up my garbage at times. They would just drive past.

I think they just didn't want to do it. I think... Dude, I have called to, uh, you know how you have to call every so often for like a large trash pickup. If you have a bunch of stuff that won't like be able to be accommodated. So like that, I have a big box in my garage,

a bunch of stuff I need thrown away. And I have called three weeks in a row to schedule a large trash pickup. And they just don't care they just pay extra for that yeah yeah you have to pay how much do you pay uh i don't know what the cost would be i need them to bring out like one of those tiny dumpsters and leave that in front of my house or city so this is a city one yeah so my garbage is like 35 a month or something like that so you get what you pay for but you there are lots of junk men who will show up with anything with like a pickup truck with with some nonsense on the back and pick up your garbage for less than 50 if it's

something crazy it's like 100 you can do that way like i don't have any guys i don't i don't know like the guy guy i just know of services that exist. He would find a guy. When Kyle was working out super duper hard, he had a budget masseuse come to his house and work. Yeah. And I was like, I really could use that. I was working out harder.

It's affordable. It was not affordable around here. I didn't find anyone who wanted to come out and massage me. Did she bring a table to you or he or whatever it was not affordable around here i didn't find anyone who wanted to come out and massage me did she bring a table to you or he whatever it was uh they will bring one but kitty has a massage table in her house so it was like the lady was like you have the komodo dragon 10 000 massage chair and she's like yeah i need a lot of massage because of okay stop with the complaining lady we'll get it i get it she's looking to start a work and a supper but but i was so burnt out it was one of the best massages i've i haven't had a lot of massages but this was just tremendous

did she i remember it cost yes everywhere it was messy she cleaned it up nice she cleaned it up she had that's probably a relaxing way to finish a massage no she was married and it was weird and I didn't let her I didn't want her to rub my ass because she just kept talking about her husband and I just I didn't want to like potentially get hard you were getting massaged and she was so sure you were going to try something that she was talking about

her husband I think what it was was Kitty was like asking her about her husband but it wasn't expensive. It was like $100 or something, if I remember correctly, to get a massage. I don't remember. The one massage I've had that I ever – this was probably five, six years ago that my back, like my upper shoulder blade area was just so uncomfortable

that I was like, I'm going to get a massage. It popped in my head like, oh, my God, is something like smart people do. They get massages. And it was like a hundred dollars. And like, I think I like paid for like half an hour. And the lady was like at the end, like, all right, that's 30 minutes or we can keep going for another 30 for the same price or whatever. Like, like, and I was like uh-huh like just just yeah yeah just keep going like just keep massaging my back it was like i really do see why people do that often like you leave feeling good and relaxed not so i've never gotten massaged at a poker table i've never gotten massaged at a poker table although i've wanted it a bunch of times um but at the

strip club that one time there was like a real massage therapist there like not nothing dirty i mean she was dressed nicely like uh more like a i don't know more professionally i suppose but still a little bit sexy and she was giving i was giving her way more money than i was giving the girls who were getting naked because she was just massaging for like i remember what it cost maybe it was dollars per minute you know it was expensive but you've had handfuls of money so you really didn't care right you're giving it to one of these women i feel like i could sell brownies and lemonade there and guys with like tons of singles they'll be like you know what yeah yeah yeah because it's like get it made all around boys it's uh i remember that lady had the strongest fucking hands i've ever encountered she was like

she was uh asked if like one to ten like like how much pressure and i was like i may have told i told her a high number i'm sure and she hurt me and we backed way down to like a two or three or something like that like i feel like you'd want to start at five to get like the idea of what middle is right yeah that's clever but if i wasn't drinking at a strip club with a wad full of money taylor i think i would have been thinking more clearly and cogently but as it, I was trying to fuck everyone within my eyeline. So it was like, yeah, give me a fucking tin,

you Russian whore, or something like that, I might have said. He was trying to impress her. Well, you have painted quite a picture. I understand where you were at then. There were buttholes and stuff. It was crazy. How long do you want me to rub your back? Did you respond like tin

yeah that was when we had uh gotten a bunch of fans to call their telephone and uh and bother them a lot and and and uh it made them think that i was a way bigger deal than i was and that was real fun for a night or two uh at that disgusting strip club it was dangerous part of town and maybe louville, Kentucky or something. It was scary out. Dude, that happens at... I've been there recently. I'm sorry, Taylor.

I got really excited. I stopped in Louisville, Kentucky on the way to that Colorado trip where I broke my leg, the recent leg break. And God, there's nothing nice about that whole town it was awful the hotel was awful i couldn't wait to leave i didn't have my gun scott had had a had a pistol on his uh on his leg like on his like a little pistol on his leg and i was like hey get that and put it in your pocket so you're ready because we had to walk back to the hotel from the strip club

and we had so much money on us we had so much like all right like not a like impressive amount it's it was too much money to have in cash on that street that's what we had we had way too much money to be had to have in our pockets on that street like bulging from our pockets because it was ones you know i was like we get it in your fucking pocket and meanwhile it was like 123123. Probably, but you might get killed on that fucking street for $123. It was dark and deserted. You didn't see cars on these streets. We were walking back streets back to a fucking hotel in a city we didn't know with no assistance from an electronic device, just a knowledge that Uptown is where we needed to go.

If we get as long as we had Uptown, we'll get there. I haven't been to a strip club in so many years. There is just something I guess another thing is if you want to go to a real full nudity, crazy tier strip club in

the area, like the St. Louis area, you have to go to East St. Louis because that's where they, they have all that bananas nonsense. And it is a dangerous shithole of an area. Like they, uh, the name of the strip club is pops,

pop strip club in East St. Louis. And people get murdered in the parking lot regularly. And so I remember you've heard of pops. Yeah. Pops is big in NBA circles or something it's pops is insane like i've been to pops a few times and it's every time i go there i'm always like this is so dangerous like there's people like there's crimes happening actively outside of pops they have almost a semi-circle of police officers at all times pretty much like late at night and so there's like six police officers in a semi-circle

and if you go out there and there's people smoking cigarettes or whatnot and like something starts like even approaching a fight like cops will get involved and people get shot there all the time and so i remember this is years ago now and my friends wanted to go to those more and they'd be like, let's go to Pops. Let's go to Pops. And it's like, dude, your risk reward profile is so fucked. If you're so stupid, you want to go to the most dangerous area in the country. In the country. I've been there many times.

It's the most dangerous area. It's a terrible area in the country. It looks dope. There's a motorcycle right on the front. What's wrong with you, Taylor? I mean, there's a picture of one. Come to East St. Louis on a late Saturday night and go to Pops and tell me what you think. I will. It says Philly on the right

and there's a motorcycle. This is my place. Are you going to wear your motorcycle jacket? Oh, is it a little food truck and run? Yeah, I'm going to show up on the Gold Wing. I'm one of the dirty bastards. I've just written in from Raleigh, North Carolina. And I'm going to go, fuck. And he's going to go,

Brrkah! Is it that hard to avoid trouble? Yeah. No, come on. If you want to go there and you want to have a good time, chances are you'll go there and you'll have a fun time and you'll leave and everything will be fine. But as far as risks go,

it's literally the most dangerous area. Like, you have to go to the capital of Honduras to find a more dangerous area on this continent. Oh, that's silly. Come on. It's dog shit. It's a shit quality. It's an shit it's a shit quality it's an embarrassment for the entire region it's an embarrassment that one businesses no no the

region east oh the region of east st louis the region of east st louis isn't embarrassed i mean was it ever like the pride of the state of ernie or anything it's not like it was the road no and it's not our state that's illinois that's fucking illinois that's so i'm sorry last time i went to a strip club it's been so i think it was that crazy place up by you could swim across the canadian border wherever the fuck we were like like north of cincinnati i don't i don't know where we were one of the great lakes i remember that there were two levels and the strippers were there was an upstairs strip club and a downstairs strip club and the poles connected so they'd be stripping upstairs and then out of nowhere they'd come down to your level like spinning down the pole and this bitch's giant fucking shoe flew off and hit her goddamn table

and spilled like so much money worth of drinks but you can't complain about that too much because you didn't want to get thrown out because we'd already had a few infractions in the group. You know, because everybody was very drunk. And I was like, by the way, this is one of those trips where nobody had any fucking money but Kyle. Like, I would be like, Jeremy, I need you.

We're getting in the truck in the morning. We're going to Texas. What part? It doesn't matter matter you won't be back for at least one week maybe two and go i ain't got no money i'm like it doesn't matter jeremy 8 a.m and that's that's how we go so i would have to fund his whole goddamn trip so when we got to that strip club i i felt bad having him sit there like po-pockets pulled out, like sitting over there like doofus because he pouts.

You remember when the car, when me, you, and Joe Lozon were riding around in that pizza restaurant and maybe afterwards on those little cobblestone back streets of Joliet or south of Chicago? And Joe's like a jock, and he'll riff and pick on people, and you've got to kind of have fun with that and not take any offense by it. And I think we all at some point started giving Jeremy a hard time

because he's an easy target or whatever, whatever happened to happen. But we started giving him a rough time about something, and he started pouting. He pouted up. He pouted hard. And by the way, Jeremy, I don't think Taylor's met him, but he's really strong. He's not ripped, but he's just a stout, country strong guy. And I think Jeremy could probably kick my ass, but he cannot kick my ass while I'm sitting next to Joe Lozon.

His odds are really low. Mostly because of Joe. Also, he's in a state he's never been in before in my fucking vehicle working for me like he's not gonna he's driving very poorly that's one of the reasons he's driving poorly what's poor driving he'd never been in the big all right to be fair to be fast he'd never been in the big city before and this was as close to big city as he'd ever been you know there was some little back streets and shit it wasn't anything crazy

but this was more intimidating than he'd ever driven before by the way another time I had him drive to Atlanta he crashed he had a crash calling a trailer full of toilets that I was about to gun down. He couldn't make it. No, he ruined

a trailer though and then they tried to make it out that I should bear the recompense for the damaged trailer. A trailer that he borrowed on his own behalf. I did not borrow that trailer. I said, Jeremy, I need to get my trailers, my toilets and this door frame I said, Jeremy, I need to get my trailers, my toilets,

and this door frame and bullshit, all this nonsense out to Atlanta to film tomorrow. Can you do that? Yes, I can do it. Do you need any help? No. I got a trailer. Cool. He borrows someone else's trailer.

He wrecks. He damages their trailer. I have to get my daddy to get up at 9 a.m and say dad will you drive to the middle of fucking atlanta hook your truck up to this trailer full of horse shit and drive it to me and he said give me the fucking gps and he got it done jeremy meanwhile it's like hi carl you know that trailer i borrowed that i fucking ruined the fenders on that comes to 787 dollars for new fenders and i'm like tough fucking shit tough fucking shit i don't feel like i should bear this recompense my dad steps in unbeknownst to me fucking repairs the fenders himself rewelds

it hammers it good guy you goddamn fenders so now i gotta pay dad for his hours he won't tell me how many hours it's a whole fucking horse shit thing where they like made me the bad guy but i don't feel like i didn't borrow that trailer he borrowed that trailer what if he borrowed a fucking semi truck and wrecked it what if he'd work he borrowed a quarter million dollar big rig and wrecked it am i on the hook for that at what point do we draw the line how much can he borrow and make me responsible for when i'm not even unbeknownst to me i I didn't sign any contracts. I said, hey, can you get the trailer out there? This cocksucker. I see your point. This cocksucker.

He's a real good guy. Yeah. He was a little stressed. He was driving poorly. He kept missing turns. He didn't follow the GPS correctly. It's like he fucks up two or three times, and then by the fourth time when he fucks up it's a joke like everyone just not we were hungry trying to get to a pizza restaurant like chicago

shit and there were these one-way streets so he'd over commit and he'd have to do a big loop to get back and it's it's like um on street parking right you've got to like parallel park sometimes and i'll be honest like like i didn't encounter that until later in my life like where we're from you don't see that shit there's big fucking parking lot shit parallel yeah there's no never a need to parallel park like like unless you're in a larger city which he's never in so he was making big loops and we're complaining because we're hungry we just want to get in the goddamn restaurant and so yeah i think we we gave him a hard time he just didn't know how to drive in in a city correct and he's my driver that's dude it is when you're with someone who doesn't know

how to drive in a city and they're driving it's genuinely stressful because like i do you guys feel that way we're like if you're looking for parking and someone driving isn't as in control of the situation as you would hope where you're like you'll see a place to park and you're almost like i don't want to announce this now because they're almost too far and they'll slam on the brakes and cause a problem okay we'll just find the next thing that it really is a skill like driving in an urban area is something that you you have to get used to you have to get used to the homeless that just i had never i had never driven in atlanta until like the day i had to go out here and uh to a job interview when i was 18 and a half years old or something like that yeah that's the age you use and a half i was i was so fucking terrified i was holding the steering wheel like this terrified and i left

with so many extra hours to because i knew they were going i knew my head there were going to be lots of times when i was going to miss an exit and i was going to have to completely recalibrate using the paper map and the map quest that i had next to me um and oh my fucking god did i ever need the extra three hours i gave myself that morning i i was terrified there were times when i was like i felt like luke skywalker like flying into the fucking death star because i was i had never been in four or five lanes of atlanta morning traffic where everybody is flying and cutting around you and trying to get a better position and i don't care i'll go 30 miles per hour that felt good but then there it's wild out

here i mean even now like like now i love it and after living out here for a little while i started thinking of it like a video game like it's really fun to drive fast in that traffic because knock on wood, Atlanta police don't pull you over for speeding. They just too many other problems. I mean, make it a video game. Don't break out the motorcycle driving between the cars. I did that on my that last trip I took in December where I went to California. I drove through Atlanta traffic on the wake. I wanted to go south to get warmer weather and then west.

And I got a ticket. I guess the police don't give you a hard time, but the cameras will catch you. And there was a lane for high occupancy vehicles. And I was like, that's me, maybe. I don't know. So I just kept going. i could go ate it out of the lane just swerving around i'm high like when i was when uh i when i bought that uh acura i had dealer plates on it and uh this is when i was like 19 and uh i would just drive through i never got

the peach pass and all that horse shit i would drive through everything all the fast lane shit i would just cheat it because i had the dealer plates on her and i'm i sell cars so i've got infinite dealer plates like like the stickers that they covet that that people that i've got infinite of the it's the part that you like like pull this protective plastic off and stick it on there it's got a hologram on it and a barcode like it's this restricted item supposedly i i never considered this because i was a good boy but those things were valuable and i had so literally infinite it's just just like i'd have wads of them i can't i don't know how many 100 in my desk but there's a back room somewhere full of them like you just use them all the time i just fucking write a new day every time

i sold a car i would make a new one for the customer right there so i'm i'm i'm the guy who makes them anyway for as my job so i know just how to like write the new date on there that you know a month from today so i it was a brand new car anyway so i just kept it clean so i would drive through everything know who they're going to send the ticket to the date on the back of my car. So I never, I always drove through the, what is it? The tolls, all that shit. Yeah, yeah.

So when I ride on these trips. Feeding tickets, none of that shit. My license plate, even right now, it has so much mud on it that I'm pretty sure it's unreadable by a camera. And it's like after my bike's in that state state i walk around the back of the bike i clean off the turn signals you know so that people can see and i leave the license plate a mess so that cameras can't get me i saw a guy one thing i'm not used to is uh i guess you guys are from toll states where like you have tolls and things we don't have that in missouri and most of the midwest is not told like we don't have that and so it's weird it was weird for me to get used to and i remember yeah i was this was

probably five years ago i was going to uh a meeting with the buyer at publics which is a florida-based uh retail chain good place yeah public's rule you say free sand they have great sandwiches what happened to the samples? Well, you know what fucking happened is all their fucking, all the samples at Costco and places like that, the cost is covered by the companies trying to get on sample. And so there's no excuse. I haven't seen this since I was a child.

There's no excuse. It must be Publix shutting it down because every food company is going to jump at the opportunity to be on sample for the most part. But I went for this meeting and I had to get a rental car, obviously, to drive to Publix corporate. And I remember getting off and seeing these tolls like I had to probably get through four or five tolls in this rental Nissan Versa I was in. get through four or five tolls in this rental Nissan Versa I was in. And the way it's supposed to go in Florida is they're supposed to have like a sun pass thing built into the car. So you don't like, ideally that's what it's supposed to be, or maybe you pay extra for it. But I kind of realized as I was driving, it's like, there is, I worked at a rental car place. I know how this

goes. There is a 0% chance that when I get a bunch of tickets, this will come back to me. 0%. And so I blew through every single toll light. And I'm sure they took pictures. I'm sure that I don't give a fuck. It didn't matter. They're still looking for you.

There's a picture of you on the wall. I just flew through it and did my thing. Nothing ever happened. Returned my car. Totally fine. So maybe I'm wanted for you. There's a picture of you on the wall. I just flew through it and did my thing. Nothing ever happened. Returned my car. Totally fine. So maybe I'm wanted in Florida. The ghost of Orlando. They have a picture of my fat fucking face from 2017 just flying through.

Dude, so nowadays they have cameras at the tolls and they take a picture of your license plate and they'll send you a ticket in the mail if you blow that. When I was 17 learning to drive, none of that existed. You only got into trouble if a policeman was waiting at the toll for people to blow the tolls, which I just rolled the dice and assumed that never happened. I ran hundreds, if not thousands of tolls when I was 17 and 18. I blew through every one. There'd be bridges where humans are working there and I'd just be like, hi, and go.

I was like, yeah, I'm just not paying. I don't have 50 cents. I was surprised when I heard that. I'm not paying. Fuck you. I did it on dates. I would just see a girl and I'd be like, yeah, I just never pay tolls.

Hey, this is a fun game we play. Put your head down. I was surprised and only got prepared for the tolls in Florida at the last minute. Someone reminded me, and I bought a roll of quarters. And I remember thinking, a roll of quarters is such an absurd amount. Why didn't you just get changed for five we went through the fucking roll just driving around florida for like a couple days it's ridiculous they'd be handing wads of coins to them at a time like this this is this is what i fucking hate toll roads i feel so scammed florida's shitty about it i don't know about

i don't remember how bad jersey was uh or going up there i i have that that whole trip is a bit of a like a fog to me now i feel like jersey's known for being shitty for those camera things we don't have them in atlanta we have like you can pay more to get a fast lane that we have the peach pass uh yeah we don't have any of that shit here i guess not i mean everybody there's trying to move along as fast as they can i'm sure nobody's slow i mean the only people who slow down in st louis are the ones who are like viewing the scene of the crime oh yeah there's st louis is a city a lot of rolling stops st louis stop the gawk it was pretty much yeah i think we're ready to go uh be sure slush had to leave at

like a certain time because we started late that's why he left oh probably well check out slush he is linked below very cool guy love having him on i'm a real stone from that gummy i forgot he even left i do not doubt it you're probably fucked up you've already gone into a lower quality as we're you're getting fuzzy mental this is how i feel so check out pharaoh distro pka 30 30 off check out uh blue make you blurry or of course lock and load code pka code jizz 10 off check it all out very good pka is 656