Painkiller Already - PKA 658 W/ Travis Bell And Filthy: UFO Hearing, True Story of Jared Fogel, Impersonating A Cop

Episode Date: July 29, 2023

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Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 pka 658 with our guest travis bell taylor this episode of pka brought to you by pharaohdistro.com lock and load and of course blue chew a bunch of wonderful sponsors hear more about them later travis bell thank you so much for joining us this evening thanks for having me how are you guys good i hope doing so good solid it's unbelievably hot in in my house it's it's like 105 degrees outside and my ac is not winning the battle 100%. And so I went and I put on a black shirt before the start of the show, so no one can tell how much I'm sweating. Yeah, it is hotter than 10 hills here in Indiana,
Starting point is 00:00:36 so we are right there with you. Yeah, you're in the mix. That's what sucks about Missouri and Indiana, is it gets hot as fuck here, and it's humid and muggy, but you get no respect from the people in as fuck here and it's humid and muggy, but you get no respect from the people in the South who think it's worse there. We not.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Check your website. We also think we're better at football. No, that's... I mean, the numbers add up. Humidity, temperature. What is the temperature there today, Taylor? 105. It like heat warnings up to 112 wait 105 real temperature feels like index feels like 105 is real the 112 was feels
Starting point is 00:01:12 like i got it my phone lit up and was like go inside like i believe in global warming do you believe that human beings have influenced global temperatures to rise and that's crap and that's why we're getting these heat waves i think we definitely impact temperature right i i looked up st louis temperature i have to say this it's 100 degrees there at like 7 p.m 101 at 10 p.m what's it yeah like it's it's 97 i went to the grocery store today and I, this poor fucking high school kid was pushing so many carts inside, soaking wet. And I like waited for him behind the carts cause he was pushing them all in and I needed to grab one. And so I waited for him to do his little unhooking maneuver.
Starting point is 00:01:58 And he was like, he like looked at me just like a war veteran and was like, it's so hot out there he told me that and i was like i do not envy you today man that sucks but yeah shout out to that guy shout out to that guy 101 at 10 p.m is is hot that's impressive yeah that's respectable even though it's missouri yeah well you're Well, you're a grocery cart guy. That would have been last day for me. I'd have been like, I'm out.
Starting point is 00:02:28 See you later. You don't do well with hot, terrible jobs? Well, it's just this doesn't do well. And if you're out in clouds for moments, you're like, oh, it's so pretty out. Then you come back in. And if you can't tell, i'm red because we're of course never-endingly remodeling the whole backyard all the time so so are you on like a compound now you said you have an office in your yard and then yeah so um i live on the street i grew up on
Starting point is 00:02:57 which is bizarre um i lived at about 30 blocks away and i drove past this house my whole life and it had a 48 by 40 pole barn in the back. And I was like, Oh, cool. You know, we can put all our junk back there or my junk back there. And, uh, you know, it's a house that was built in the fifties and it's maybe has orange brick. And my beautiful wife is like, you expect me to move into a home with orange bricks. And I go, but look at the building that had no permission to be, uh, I don't know anything but orange for my wife. And, uh, at that point, so we ended up buying it and remodeling it. And then there was old broken down greenhouses behind this property. And it had trees sticking out the top that were 400 feet tall, like crazy, like ridiculous times 700 trees.
Starting point is 00:03:47 And so we purchased that property and spent about three and a half years on a 1977 case backhoe that I had no business driving or owning that I bought out of a cemetery that all it ever did was dig graves its whole life. And so after that, we now have this big monster building and go-kart track and all kinds of crazy stuff out back there. You took down a forest with a backhoe? Yeah. Well, we did our best. Is that the right tool?
Starting point is 00:04:17 Oh, no. You scoop it out. That's not how you do trees, right? No. You're supposed to push them over with bulldozers and things but uh you uh use what you have available and what we had available was a 1977 case backhoe do you save money by buying your own backhoe as opposed to hiring someone okay oh yeah because it's it's here at any time i mean we used it today like it's uh
Starting point is 00:04:46 it's a part of the property now so yeah i mean i and i bought one of like those kalisaki mules and it was like i would never use this thing because you like roll up like mr brook on the thing and and i'm on the i drove it here 10 minutes ago so it's uh it's you know it's mild compared to the mule but I have a golf cart with a pickup truck bed on the back. It's this plastic thing. Oh my god. I use it all the time. Every time I hop in
Starting point is 00:05:14 and I'm like, I'm so glad I'm not walking 100 feet. That'd be horrible. Heaven forbid that. I want to talk about this fucking backhoe. Think about what that is. It dug countless graves. Countless. Easily hundreds, maybe thousands of graves.
Starting point is 00:05:29 We have thought about that. If you don't keep count, then it's countless. It could be three in reality, but it could be countless. You totally know what counting is. Countless graves. There might be some evil in there, right? Everyone talks about haunted houses.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Well, and then also, you think that we'll probably talk about the ridiculous ambulance that I own, but it does have a gurney on the back of it. And as we drive across the country and do things, we're like going, God, how many people have died on the gurney in the back of this ambulance but you know it's so it's the original countless countless so it's an original gurney yes and it's from atlanta so it's the dan gurney but uh you know who knows how many people have died on that thing definitely some absolutely the death thing actually held me back i so i used to be into off-roading in a very serious way so i had this dedicated off-road buggy type thing and along with it is the need to tow and a place to sleep by the woods so i was thinking about an ambulance but i really didn't want all the death
Starting point is 00:06:35 it what i'm gonna sleep back there or everyone they are uh they are creepy and when you get start messing around or needing switches or things out of the ambulance, you're like going, oh, man, like they had to keep someone alive in this thing. So it's yeah, it's back to Kyle's morbid thoughts of backhoes. Were there any evil backhoe? Were there any weird dead in it? Any stains? Any like odd smells when you got it? No, it's sanitized for our protection, let's hope.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I would hope so. You guys ever ridden in an ambulance as a customer? No. I've been in the back. Yeah, me too. I've had to call my starter wife from the back of an ambulance after being T-boned once. My starter wife? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:27 This is what the pre-trophy wife is called yeah well now my wife is the ceo of my life but everybody well not everybody but occasionally you make a mistake here and there so yeah you certainly do travis well i mean if you if you guys i make different mistakes everyone makes dumb mistakes all the time if you hear christopher michaels talk about it but christopher michaels calls it the my wife at the time and uh we just we call it the starter wife. So. All right. Yeah. So you said the ambulance came from Atlanta. I know Vin Wicker. Those get. What's that?
Starting point is 00:08:10 The gurney came from the gurney in the ambulance. Oh, okay. Wait. So did you like assemble? They're not sold as a set. Yeah. So that's actually kind of cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:21 That's very retro. The people who died in that would have died anyway by now. Who's the Hamburglar? That's my ambulance. Who's dressed as the Cannonball Run dude? You? Who is that? I'm the bold guy, obviously, leaning against it. The guy that dresses
Starting point is 00:08:38 Captain Chaos is my buddy Matt Davis and he looks exactly like Don DeLuuise and then the the guy that's hanging out of it is the current cannonball run record holder arnie toman and that is the 1978 uh replica of what is left of the transcon medevac built exactly as the original one was have you ever think our audience and co-hosts might be too young for Cannonball Run. Kyle, did you maybe see it?
Starting point is 00:09:08 No, I've never seen the movie. I'm aware of it. I'm too young for that. Yeah, I know. Oh, man, you guys can't appreciate how well done this picture is. He nailed it. I can tell by your appreciation of it, it's done very, very well. But have you ever run run a red anything like
Starting point is 00:09:26 that flipping the lights on oh yeah oh yeah that's very cool but the problem is if if you're out testing it or getting it ready for an event or a cross-country run because if if woody's driving a lamborghini and kyle's driving a ferrari and taylor's driving a Lamborghini and Kyle's driving a Ferrari and Taylor's driving a Corvette, you guys are going to run into traffic at some point across the country. All I have to do is hit the lights and sirens and everybody gets the hell out of my way. And even if you don't have it on, they still get the hell out of your way. So it is in 1979, Brock Yates and how needham came up with this idea and that was the that was the transcon medevac that's awesome and it but in modern days if i'm a cop and i see that thing it's so odd looking that i wouldn't stop you because i'd be like oh i bet
Starting point is 00:10:17 that's one of the special organ transfer ambulances or oh i bet it's got that guy that's got the fucking bubonic plague I heard about. And we have one of those little coolers in the bag that says organ transplant. You should be holding it in your hands. The cannibal run stuff is not about... It's always about the story
Starting point is 00:10:40 more than anything else. That's cool. I want something haunted. A backhoe. A backhoe. A backhoe. Ambulance. Something with a history of death. What would it take for any of you to actually get rid of something that had that? Like if you had a backhoe that was used in digging graves or if your ambulance suddenly
Starting point is 00:10:59 started moaning at you, like what would it take? Oh, wait. Wait. You're talking about like actual. I'm talking about like if something really has to happen happen what would actually have to happen how many cracks in the night how many weird it turns on on its own turns the same radio station stuff you can explain away at first but it's too odd okay so let's let's barring the let's say haunted radio actually going hey kyle it's real like like as long as it's sort of like putting that song at the end
Starting point is 00:11:24 of the shining on over and over when you don't of like... It's putting that song from the end of The Shining on over and over. Or maybe my clock radio, it plays the same scary song, like suggestive songs, like everywhere you go, I'll be watching you, stuff like that. What the fuck? Four times today? Yeah, I think if enough weird stuff started to happen,
Starting point is 00:11:41 I'm not attached to clock radio enough. I'll just get rid of it. What if it's expensive? What if it's your car that's right so if if if you will roll out to whatever your car is this week and you're like going dang that same song's on and magically like it just opened the garage door by itself and you're like bro it's got come this is has yeah bye-bye yeah you gotta get rid of it it's gonna there come. This is has. Yeah. Bye bye. Yeah. Got to get rid of it. It's going to there's that movie about the car that tries to kill you. I think it's called the car. It's terrible.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Well, there's one called the car. Called the car. No, the truck. The semi or the truck. The classic. It's so stupid. Yeah, I haven't seen Christine. They do this thing, Christine. I can't remember what kind of car that is. It's beautiful. It's hard to remember. P plymouth fury you're right 1958 plymouth fury yeah they do this thing where they play the footage in reverse of it they destroy it and then they play the footage
Starting point is 00:12:35 in reverse so it looks like it's healing on its own and it's pretty good effect for the time and you know i think it's a tv movie stephen king type thing so uh yeah the idea of devices turning on us it wasn't it was a yeah it was a novel first and then it became a movie movie of course if it was a stephen king thing and then it you know takes possession like if taylor owns christine and then we're all like bro you should like maybe not hang out with your car as often and then he just like becomes this other guy like but it's Christine I have to hang out with her and we're like yep Taylor's off the friend
Starting point is 00:13:10 list now so yeah then you got to stop hanging out with me because Christine or whatever car whatever ghost demon is tempting me is going to convince me to come get you guys because that's what demons are for one person yeah yeah I'm just I will say this.
Starting point is 00:13:25 I just moved into a new place maybe three weeks ago. And at night, sometimes I'll hear some noises and I can't really put my finger on exactly what it is. It's nothing nefarious. It's, it'll, it's just like cracks and pops.
Starting point is 00:13:37 It sounds like, I don't know, like the boards are being stepped on and being like a tiny high pitch noise that you have all the time. No, no cracks and pops like of wooden stuff in the like walls and stuff. And the thing is the dog, uh,
Starting point is 00:13:55 I've seen the dog multiple times go into a room that nobody goes into and bark at the wall. Like how old is this house that you moved into? 20 years, let's call it. It's got some ancient estate. Just making sure that there's not a guy... We got indoor plumbing and such, but
Starting point is 00:14:16 this... Is it the dog with Down syndrome? It's different dogs. It's the young dog and the old dog. That is one of them, the dog with Down syndrome? None of them have Down syndrome. It's a husky with a big head.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Travis, you have to understand, Kyle is a dog with Down syndrome. And he doesn't like to admit it. And he doesn't like to admit it. He's the one who thinks it's bad. Zach, can you possibly find the picture? He's a great boy, and we love him. And there's nothing wrong with him having that. Rocky, you're talking shit. He can't understand us. And we love him. And there's nothing wrong with him having that. Rocky, you're talking shit.
Starting point is 00:14:47 He can't understand us and we know why. He doesn't speak English. Even if he spoke English. Poor guy. The other dog walks straight up to the wall. And again, just moving this house. I'm not a disgusting person. My house doesn't have flavors.
Starting point is 00:15:02 My walls don't have flavors. What I'm saying is, the dog's licking the wall, licking the paint, the drywall, and the same spot that they were barking earlier. And so I'm a little afraid. There may be something that... Do you live close to a church?
Starting point is 00:15:18 Do we need to come and do something? There's a temple. A temple. I mean, what you probably want to do, I would, if I really thought I had a demon problem, the last thing I would want to do is just pick one religion and have them come because then the priest who comes,
Starting point is 00:15:38 he knows that I don't know anything about demons, and so I'm going to trust what he's doing with the demon stuff. If I bring like a monk, a priest, a rabbi uh the other flavors buddhist various holy men shaman i bring them and i schedule them all at the same time almost like uh and then this is gonna be a joke right they almost have to compete so a monk a priest and a rabbi walk into taylor yeah walk into taylor's and then they realize i got scammed but they're realize they're like, which way to Kyle's house? You're wasting our time. Show me to the
Starting point is 00:16:11 dog that licks the walls. It's fucking scary when it licks the walls. It would come down to the pricing. Whichever one offered to do it the cheapest, I would try them first and then reverse order. I bet the priest would be the cheapest. I bet he would too he has a family there's the most of them yeah right there's got to be way more there's a million more priests
Starting point is 00:16:30 than rabbis just because there's more catholics than jews so when's the last time you saw a catholic priest in a costume oh uh like probably we found it the dog that's's Kyle's dog with Down syndrome. Oh, that's him. Yeah. Whoa. Either that's a bad angle or the dome on that dog is humongous. It's a good angle. I don't like to say rescued, but I'd just gotten him
Starting point is 00:16:58 and he'd had a hard time of it. He's really underfed. He's got street cred. Oh, yeah. He's got a crayon eating all got street cred. Oh, yeah. He's eating all the crayons in Kyle's eye. Where's my glue? Rocky! Rocky, they're trashing you online. You don't even know.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I feel guilty for how funny this is to me. I'm not even the one saying it. Dog doesn't care. No, he doesn't care. He's retarded. He's a good boy. I don't fear evil. The idea of ghouls and
Starting point is 00:17:34 goblins living in my home. I'm not even sure I believe in the concept of evil, really. Serial killers? That's evil. Is it, though?'re to them it's no different than like a fox scooping up a vole no no that's that's survival yeah head bundy killed for survival he ate every part and so that's different than when he kills for
Starting point is 00:18:04 jeffrey dahmer of course thank you for your hero one of my heroes He ate every part. And so that's different than when he kills for Jeffrey Dahmer. Of course. Thank you for your hero. One of my hair. That guy. Many. Yeah. That.
Starting point is 00:18:16 And so, no, I'm pretty sure you can nail that down as evil, right? You're, you're killing other people. You're taking, you're like stealing years of their life away.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Yeah. Just, just stealing it from them. That's bad. What if you could literally steal it? What if when you killed someone, you took their years they had remaining? It's like vampirism. But better. No, it'd still
Starting point is 00:18:36 be bad. Unless you're the vampire. I think it's better than vampirism, Woody, because with vampirism we gotta drink blood every day. That's icky. No, I was just thinking that's not how... It's not like vampires need to kill someone to get like... Taylor when taylor's got what 50 years left tops so i kill him and get 50 more years that's not how vampires work yeah vampires are already they're already immortal they but they will but they will die without blood so yeah blood's the only thing that they need okay i see all right maybe i see where you're coming from
Starting point is 00:19:00 now they just get all dehydrated like That lemon on the backside of the fruit bowl that gets all shriveled up. I just turned into that guy. Sad lemon. No matter how much a lemon rots, it never gets gross. That's the beauty of a lemon. I don't know about that. I don't trust the science on this one.
Starting point is 00:19:20 No, because of the fresh smell of the lemon and the citrus, the bacteria never... No matter how old a lemon gets, you can still eat it. Trust Kyle. When it gets shriveled and little, now you've got a sweet lemon. That's how it works. Now that's true. I was a club dish jockey for 26 years,
Starting point is 00:19:36 and when the barbacks would leave the lemons out for weeks at a time, there's no chance in hell that you're correct, Kyle. More sweet lemons for me! There's the lemons. You can't cut it! What are you going to do? Just stare at it? Like, ooh, look at that.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Kyle, have some. Open it up. It's no good anymore. Travis, you mentioned you have a giant course in your backyard on your estate. It's for go-karts and motorcycles that you're in and you're driving them, right?
Starting point is 00:20:15 I get motion sick, so I'm the host of this event, even though I do race across the country with my cannonball friends. And I do DJ on cruise lines. I am more, I'm on more Dramamine that's physically allowed.
Starting point is 00:20:31 And, but yes, I, we built a walking path for like the neighbors and the, and Kyle's dog with neighbors and stuff like that, just to, you know, walk around the path.
Starting point is 00:20:41 And then we, we fenced it in and did everything. And then of course, one of my heavily intoxicated friends was like dude you don't have a walking path you got a go-kart track and i was like and so of course that turned into the backyard 400 and we had 33 carts in our backyard when they all have to they all have to look like shriner carts though they can't be like a shifter cart with the hans device and helmets and all that well helmets and we needed those but needless to say uh we had 33 carts and and had a go-kart race in my backyard and is it a dirt track no it is a paved one-third mile go-kart track with 12 turns in my backyard. That rules.
Starting point is 00:21:27 I had my driveway paved, and it was a financial event. The financial event of the decade. That is it. There is some of the paved path that goes back behind them, probably about a third of a mile. That is the turns 7 and eight that go between the trees.
Starting point is 00:21:47 And we was in and out. And that's what everybody had to look like. You could not show up. You had to have a body on the cart. And it was a six and a half horse. And it was the craziest. I was very sure we were going to put somebody's leg on backwards. What's the top speed you get up to in these little cars on your
Starting point is 00:22:06 train? Unfortunately, it's about 41 miles an hour. That's pretty quick in those. That's deadly in those. Yeah, well, and then, of course, you know, if you get shoved off the track, you're going to end up in a tree.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Whoa! That's my brother-in-law going ass over tea kettle right there, uh, in turn 11. And, uh, he's wearing a helmet and a t-shirt. Well,
Starting point is 00:22:34 yeah, we kind of, uh, that's him again. He was notoriously on two wheels all day, but, uh, yeah,
Starting point is 00:22:40 we, uh, we made sure everybody wore gloves and long sleeve shirts until my brother-in-law showed up. And then he just went out there and laid the wood. And we had a mariachi band for the opening ceremonies. We had everything, a grand marshal. If you won the Backyard 400, you won a 1989 Chevy Cavalier Z24 convertible. So I have never seen more people competitive over
Starting point is 00:23:07 a cavalier that's awesome it's got an alpine star t-shirt on that's got to have some level of protection yeah well and then like i said you got the corvette whatever that's chris michaels up there in a uh that's on uh vin wiki and he's on the hot wheels challenge. He's driving the little Dodge mini Ram up there. So, uh, yeah, it was hilarious. It was pretty ridiculous. And, uh, there was a, there's a comedian called Alex Morrison and he is like notorious for like three or five come alive or some crazy, he can do it substantially better than I can, but we invited him up here and he was our
Starting point is 00:23:41 grand Marshall. So it was ridiculous, but you can see there's a fence all the way around the property, and there is a go-kart track in my backyard. That looks like an expensive fence. Yeah. I have great neighbors except one, so he got the fence. He doesn't like the go-kart course? That's an expensive fence. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:01 He doesn't like the go-kart course? That's an expensive fence. Yeah, he is difficult. And I've lived on the street basically my whole life. He's lived here for three years. And I should never know my city inspector, but I know him real good because of my neighbor on the other side of the fence. Quick question, Travis. Is it possible that you are difficult?
Starting point is 00:24:24 Yes. My neighbors complains about the go-kart races I hold in my backyard. He's always like, I'm 85. I have dementia. It scares me. It's once a year. I mean, you know, they're not out there racing right now. It's one day a year.
Starting point is 00:24:43 I mean, they're not out there racing right now. It's one day a year. And so if he can't live with that, that's not a problem. There's a fence. So enjoy the fence. That's actually really cool. Now, my first concern is like, what if one of these fellas cracks his skull open on my little course out here in my backyard, and then I have to sell my fence to pay him off? Or with a backhoe or whatever.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Yeah. We sign waivers before we hop in the car. Oh, yeah, but that waiver is about as good as the paper it's on. Are you in Georgia? No, we're in Indiana. Indianapolis, we are about four miles from the track, maybe six miles from the track. Oh, wow. So if you get bored of your track, you just go to that.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Well, I own a Winston Cup car from the very first Brickyard 400. So, yeah, I have problems. And the last time I went to Indy to drive it around the track with Ed Boley and then a bunch of our YouTube friends, we got rained out. We actually had a pass to drive it on the track, got rained out. So I drove it home. And so out there on the interwebs, there's me driving. That's it.
Starting point is 00:26:00 That's my number 99 Danny Sullivan's car from the very first brickyard 400. He also won the, uh, won the, won the 1985, uh, Indy 500, then the city of Indianapolis put him in it. That's it. And, uh, you're doing an amazing job. Thank you. Yes. I drove it down four 65 and all the way home. Cause I was shitty. So shitty. We had a pass to get on the track. That's pretty awesome. We got canceled. If you Google out there,
Starting point is 00:26:31 the Chevy Lumen and NASCAR on 465, I drove it 16 miles home. Is that frowned upon? Yeah. It's loud. It wants to go left a lot so it's fucking loud i didn't consider how loud it would be yeah i didn't consider that does it just pull left all
Starting point is 00:26:55 the time pulls left hard all the time it is set up to go left so uh you know we left out of the annapolis motor speedway drove down it was myself and myself and Ed Bolin and Jared pink from questionable garage. And then Jared was driving my ute. Ed was driving one of his crazy exotic cars and, uh, they just followed me up onto the highway and I just went home. So you should have had your police car escort you, man, that thing. I, uh, I have no idea how I'm don't have a felony because of that car but we that was probably the funnest accidental purchase i've ever made my entire life how'd you accidentally
Starting point is 00:27:34 buy the cop car so it was for sale on ebay um so let's see i'm trying let's see my daughter is 28 so she was 14 when I bought it. So at 14 years old, she went with her dad to go buy this brown and tan Indiana sheriff car that I bought off of eBay up in Northern Indiana in Miami County. And they were going to drive it in the local demolition Derby because it was a, it's a 98 crown Vic, but it had a knock in the motor. And it wouldn't have lasted very long, but it would have been like race against the cops kind of thing, wreck against the cops or something.
Starting point is 00:28:10 And they never used it, and they put it up for sale. And I was a high bidder, so I went up there and bought it and brought it back home and put a brand new Ford 4.6 motor back in it. And I drove it full decaled up as a full code cop car for two and a half years so that's hilarious did you dress up ever uh no and in indiana you could like police officers can't have goatees they can't have and you can have like the magnum pi mustache but you can't have a goatee but that is me as as the sheriff that I bought it off of driving it up onto my trailer. Uh, and, uh, we drove it and drove it and drove it. And then, um, we let the plates go out on it. We didn't, uh, uh, renew the registration one year. So I drove it into,
Starting point is 00:29:00 uh, some little bitty hillbilly. Well, the county that is two counties over and got pulled and got pulled over in it and you know the officer comes up and of course i'm just standing there and he goes you know where'd you get this thing at and i said i bought it on ebay and i had the auction in the glove box i had driven this thing for two years i had uh i have eaten more free McDonald's on that car than any other car. And, you know, after seven, you get a free car wash at the big car washes. Like we, you know, other cops will wave at you. You're like, hey. But, you know, it will go down the highway at 150 miles an hour,
Starting point is 00:29:43 but it won't go down a two-lane road at 30 because everybody else is doing 29 miles an hour in front of you yeah because they're scared death so but we had it got pulled over um it got towed in and i they took my little auction with me or with them and then of course called up to miami, Indiana and said, uh, Hey, this guy's driving around an old Brown and tan Indiana, Indiana sheriff car. And they said, when we sold him that car, we undecaled the car and they called the Ford dealership where they took it, where the motor was knocking. And they said, no, when that car came in here, that car had no decals on it. Mr. Bell redecaled the car. So he's impersonating a police officer. And I was like, you guys, you know, you're all lying,
Starting point is 00:30:30 but there's no way for me to prove it. Other than my 14 year old daughter, now 28 year old daughter took that picture of that officer driving it up onto the trailer because she had her first digital camera and went out in the country with dad that day to go buy a car so she saved my rear end and my daughter took that picture and i took it back and i said here's your sheriff driving it up onto the car and i'm in front and it is fully decaled the day i bought it so uh they gave they gave me my car back they uh i went and renewed the registration and like the people at the impound lot were like, there's no way he's going to get his car back. And now you're back on the street serving up Travis Brands of justice. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:13 And we sold that to a cinema vehicle service place. And they blew it up on the movie Planet Terror. It's one of those Quentin Tarantino's movies. I had bent the law until it broke and it was time to let it go. Good for you. That's great. I didn't know you could just buy cop cars and drive around in them.
Starting point is 00:31:36 You kind of can't. He did. I guess they were supposed to remove the decals. The cops lied to save their own bacon and put you in trouble. I guess they were supposed to remove the decals. The cops lied to save their own bacon and put you in trouble. And the Ford dealership did too.
Starting point is 00:31:51 They were like, no. Now that part is extra shitty. I get the cop lying because that's cop shit, but the Ford dealership? They came up and they're like, Mr. Bell, the Miami Sheriff says he would never sell a car like that. I'm like, well, yeah well and then they came you know they came up and they're like oh mr bell the the miami county sheriff says he would never sell a car like that i'm like well i agree with him he should
Starting point is 00:32:10 never have sold a car like this and they go and we went one further we called the the ford dealership and i go and then i go i just started i laid out pictures after pictures after pictures that my daughter took that day and i go here's the officer I bought it off of. Matter of fact, here's his name, here's his bitter ID. And they were going shit, you know?
Starting point is 00:32:32 So I will, where's my car at? I'll be all right. And the license plate, I had one of those like dare to keep your kids off drugs plate off the back of it. But you in Indiana, of course, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:42 owning a license plate company, I love personalized license plates. So it said donut on the back of the plate. So what does a license plate company do? Do you make them for the state or you make vanity plates for fun? So here's Woody and I's moment here. Think of every television or movie star car you can think of or your favorite one
Starting point is 00:33:08 and we are the company that makes the license plate for it. So in Back to the Future, when the DeLorean goes back in time and Marty McFly picks up the spinning license plate, but it's cold because time travel is cold, he drops it.
Starting point is 00:33:23 The license plate says says out of time. Oh, that's cool. So we are the company that makes the out of time license plate. And of course you have to have the registration stickers that go with it. But the, so every Hollywood star car to movies that aren't even out yet. We are the company at celebrity machines.com.
Starting point is 00:33:43 We are the company that make that's Will Smith's fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Remember the taxi took him home to Bel-Air and the license plate said fresh. And that was it. Do you have any competitors or do you own this business? We do a lot. A lot of people knock our plates off because it's very easy for Taylor and me to just type in Helvetica like fresh you know whatever else but to actually emboss the plate and make it correct and make it California
Starting point is 00:34:11 fonts you know each state has their own fonts and things like that so to make it dead money exactly screen accurate as it looks but what what is cool is because yes that fresh Prince plate is neat but if you caught up to will smith and had him autograph it it's even cooler so a lot of autograph dealers and people will buy from us because you know sure if you're if you have a have a signing with cheech and chong they're signing eight by ten pictures of themselves but if you have the license plate off of their car then they will sit there going oh my god i got the license plate from the love machine so uh but yeah we do every uh like i said movies that aren't out yet things that haven't haven't been released
Starting point is 00:34:56 um and i can drop you a couple if you want to know some things we're working on and that's really cool so they are filming a sequel to the bill paxton's twister twisters yes so strike now yep so they are uh uh of course the hero car is a red dodge truck and basically if you twitter uh uh filming twisters or twisters 2 or anything. It's just that's the plate from the new Twisters movie. And there's nothing to it other than an Arkansas plate. And so we make the plates for that.
Starting point is 00:35:35 They're doing, there's a show on Peacock called Twisted Metal. It was a video game we played when we were kids. And the bad guy, yeah, so that's the new Twisters. but so that's kind of a fan made one there, but still it's the same routine, but in, in twisted metal, like the bad guy car was a, an ice cream truck and that's on Peacock. And so there is a Subaru with double machine guns on the hood.
Starting point is 00:36:01 And the, and the guy that played Captain America is the guy who drives that. His car is called Evelyn. We do the Evelyn plates that are on his. We never know what we're going to get a call for, like lawyer up from Breaking Bad
Starting point is 00:36:19 when they had to do all those. Jurassic Park is on its 30th anniversary believe it or not to make everybody feel old new mario brothers movie we had to do the plates for the new mario brothers movie and uh so we just uh you know we it's weird to tell people that you make license plates for a living and you're like well i've yet to have a felony but i'm still working on it and um but you know i i have gotten calls from you know hey we need 2500 ecto one plates that are rusty for the premiere of of the ghostbusters afterlife and i'm like when do you need them and so they'll be like uh i don't know we've got so they would be the normal one
Starting point is 00:37:06 and then that's the rusty one and so we work with them and then of course you know they call for all kinds of weird stuff so yes um it is every hollywood car you can think of we are the company that puts the license plate uh that is sold to the consumer or sometimes on the prop department on the back of the plates or on the back of the cars. Oh, that's cool. It's directly to the prop department. So it's like, oh, that one. Yeah, we made that one. And it's in the movie.
Starting point is 00:37:34 And I can see it go by screen at 100 miles an hour. And I'll be like, yep, I know who did that or whose plates that is. Everyone. Yeah. Did you notice? Yeah. And it's like being a disc jockey like take me to applebee's i'm like oh gosh when was last time you heard this song and they're like going what i go you can't hear i don't worry how long have you been doing the dj thing on the cruises
Starting point is 00:37:59 so i was a of course i was a club disc jockey for 26 years, and all I played was retro music, 70s and 80s music. I've played Dancing Queen more than ABBA has ever sang Dancing Queen. And it's a very niche thing because to consider 90s music is now 24 or 23 years old, and that's the newest 90s song is 23 years old so you have to you have to realize that that you know if you're like going holy crap you know the jackson five you know half of them have passed away well one of them but then all these different amazing acts that are kind of slowly going away so i'm 50 years old old. When they started retro clubs, I was like, okay, cool. And I worked at a place called Flashback or 8 Tracks, Flashbacks.
Starting point is 00:38:51 And then I worked at a casino for years at a club called Boogie Nights. And I was done because if my daughter had not gotten herself up for school, I would never know whether she went or not. Like I was like, dad, you realize how how easy your name is to forge and when you come home after playing in clubs four nights a week you are that Sunday you completely miss Sunday so I had a lot of fun but I retired in 2019 and I New Year's Eve and then they invited me to come on the 80s cruise so if you go to the 80s cruise.com i they allow me to play with my bands and artists that i've wanted to see my entire life and they pay me to be there but i can if you say
Starting point is 00:39:34 soft sell i say tainted love and i say it's 152 beats per minute and i am that idiot that you don't ever want to take to a movie to applebee's to anywhere because you know or if it's music trivia night they'll be like oh my god i gotta call travis and they'll be like that's that's kaja gugu too shy it's 108 beats per minute and they'll be like oh my god travis you need some help bro and i'm like a minute so when you're mixing a song of kaja gugu too shy shy you want to go up the bpn curve because you want to mix you don't want to crash you know train wreck the dance floor so you're going to go into something that's 110 or 112 and after that you're going to go into something that's about 116 so this is the
Starting point is 00:40:16 the speed of the song so frankie goes to hollywood's relax don Do It, and it's 116 beats per minute. And do Don't You Want Me Baby. Right, so you want them all to... That'd be a terrible DJ. Start off the fast stuff. Yeah, Taylor, you're not going to mess up my moves? No. We need a pro to DJ. All right, we're going to slow it down way too quick.
Starting point is 00:40:42 Kill the DJ. But yeah, so they play me, and i'm on the 80s they i i cannot i call the people that hired me and i'm like thank them like every week i'm like thank you for allowing me to play on the 80s cruise because it is a week of you just go out in the sea and lose your mind and you're there with what what do the clientele look like on an 80s cruise because i'll admit i was just thinking when i was i took my dogs at a moment ago and i was thinking man i bet you get really i know you're with a with a lady friend but i was like bet you get laid as the dj on a on an 80s cruise
Starting point is 00:41:14 well so there were perks growing up as a club disc jockey but we remember we had a starter wife and that was one of the perks too because you don't really vet those women as you meet them. But, um, so Kyle, what are you about? 19 years old? I don't know. 18. I'll be 18 next year. I'm a 37. Well, you can clearly tell he's an old soul with that members only jacket on. So I was trying to figure out how old he is.
Starting point is 00:41:48 But my wife is 35 and I have no idea how I've outkicked my coverage, but she knows every song and everything. But then there might be a 90s cruise that comes up real soon and I already know how to play that stuff and it's very easy so but the clientele is my age your age and it's weird because you say all right you know for for the kids that grew up in their 80s graduating in the 80s or were were born in the 80s because if you're 21 you were born in 2000 and what two so yeah as at 50 years old and watching the dance clubs change that was another reason why i left because the phone killed the killed the dance clubs um because you would always go to the club to be like oh you know
Starting point is 00:42:40 travis is going to play this when i played in a modern club you know i'd i'd have all the latest and everything. And I play music videos. So if I'm playing Jesse's Girl, he's on big screens around me, you know, singing Jesse. But you can speed up and mix up. So needless to say, you used to go to hear the latest and the greatest, but the telephone made it, I don't have to go there anymore.
Starting point is 00:43:02 I can listen to it immediately. So, and you would watch and if you're playing this big club and you got thousands of people there and then you've got the 20 year olds over there going and i'm like dude go out like meet a girl like what are you doing like you mentioned jesse's girl i listen to a ton of 80s for whatever reason i'm i like 80s i i like uh i like i like everything about the 80s the sound even like when i really like the synthy stuff um that john carpenter did in his movies i really really like that stuff so when i still saw stranger things kind of that and even the logo
Starting point is 00:43:36 stranger things kind of pull on that nostalgia jesse's girl that guy's a piece of shit i listened to this song yeah i watched the music video for that today while i was playing games i had on my other monitor and he's just stalking his best friend's girlfriend talking about how fucking hot she is he's like i can't find a woman like that well i want jesse's girl that's right yeah but then then his next hit was don't talk to strangers because once he got jesse's girl he was like woman you ain't talking to nobody going nowhere yeah very transparent in his writing yeah so i mean retro music paid every bill around here and it was it was a lot of fun and i i i still am the luckiest dishaki in the world. There's only two GJs that get to play on this.
Starting point is 00:44:27 And we're going back out in 2024. We have 10 cabins left, and we have sold the whole boat out before June or August. Which cruise line? Royal Caribbean. It's on the Mariner of the Seas. It's a big boy. And we have everybody from Air Supply to Debbie Gibson to Soft Sail on the it's crazy how many uh how many cruises have you been on now uh well i used to work yeah i used to work for disney cruises for a while so countless i asked because recently that guy jumped slash fell
Starting point is 00:44:59 off of a smaller line and i was going to ask you if you'd ever been on a cruise or anything crazy like that no it's it's weird though to watch when you hit like rough seas the bigger boats you you don't really know what's going on but you're kind of walking down a hallway kind of like this but to walk out onto the pool deck and to watch the water splash out at six feet and you don't really realize you're moving but but by the waves in the pool, like the pool is splashing out at six feet. So it's very, very interesting. Or when you're playing and you're watching the water move in your cup or whatever you're drinking,
Starting point is 00:45:35 you're like, holy crap, we are moving. So I've never seen it. I've seen everything that can happen in a dance club and or bar from people that knew they didn't have seizures by, by strobe lights to people falling off of balconies to whatever else. Like,
Starting point is 00:45:53 you know, the guy will come up and start leaning on the DJ booth and you're like, bro, you're, you're, you've had a little bit too much drink and he started and he's like, and you're like, holy crap,
Starting point is 00:46:00 this guy's having a seizure because of the strobe lights in the club. So, and he never, he never, he never knew he had a problem. And you're like, how do we get him out of here without making this obvious that this guy needs help right now? I've evacuated two dance clubs because of tornadoes before. Which Disney shows did you work on? So whatever the two original ones were, the Magic and the Wonder.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Yeah. And the Wonder. Yeah. And so that was many, many moons ago. And before Disney, so I worked at Pleasure Island. And there was a club there called 8 Tracks. But before Disney had their own cruise lines, they did a lot of test cruises on other things. And they would put the entertainment staff on those and be like go and tell everybody let's have a magical day or uh yeah have a magical day
Starting point is 00:46:50 and you're like have a magical day magical day was that demoralizing well there was always like some code words when you work for disney like you would be like you know code b somebody has vomited or you know if someone just is like like uncrackable codes hey we got code v with a bunch of corn on the floor right there but we got two people here with a code f no no yeah no but so and there's yeah and you would always by the bar yeah i bet you saw old disney though well and they got they got rid of all that stuff because you know they would they would be like they call it downtown disney now but they were like come to pleasure island where you can get completely hammered at disney world and then somehow get you back to wherever you came from so um it was a terrible
Starting point is 00:47:41 idea but it was a lot of fun for the staff that worked there. But yeah, lots of dance clubs, everything you could ever imagine. I have seen it in a club from people falling off of balconies to you name it. Like I said, closing clubs for tornadoes. And when you get there, when you tell them there's a tornado coming, like there's severe weather, they're like you know fuck the dj you know and so i would like literally put the weather channel up on the tvs and walk i mean like i'm gone so um evacuated at once for a gas leak before that was fun and everybody and that was back when you could smoke in clubs so you can't you can't tell them what the threat is but you're, maybe you should quit smoking.
Starting point is 00:48:28 I think they should bring smoking indoors back. Well, go to any casino dance club and you will see smoking in clubs still. Whenever you go to a country where they smoke indoors, that's the bastion of freedom right there. The indoor smoker. Yeah. It's even freer when you smoke in someone else's house. Just right up in a stranger's home. I thought this was America.
Starting point is 00:48:51 No, no, no. You complain there's no ashtray right away. You're like, no ashtray. And you ash into something you totally should not ash into. I'm glad your carpet's not that nice. You have not had freedom until you have smoked on an airplane before. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:49:09 That was long, long ago as my mother who smoked most of my life. We're going to Disney World. I think it was probably 11. She's sitting there on Eastern Airlines just smoking. I i'm like dude
Starting point is 00:49:25 we're in a tube in the freaking sky and you are having a fucking heater with everybody here on the same age as you and i have that same memory i flew eastern airlines they put a like a paper sign like this is where the smoking section ends and it would sit on the top of the seat and it did very little to stop smoke drifting into the smoking section i don't know and you go to restaurants you're like smoking or non-smoking and you would just see like the haze of the smokers like coming over into the and you're like yeah crap weird you didn't want to sit right next to the smoking section yeah i've been thinking about smoking recently i don't think it'll ever stop i i a lot of people believe and sometimes in futuristic movies you'll see
Starting point is 00:50:05 uh one of my favorite depictions of a cigarette a few in the future is the fifth element uh bruce willis has the cigarette that's all filter and just a little tobacco on the end it's like the like imagine what a cigarette normally is a little filter most 80 tobacco the inverse and and it's very expensive but i think that we'll get so good at curing cancer that it'll be like it'll just be an inconvenience to get cancer and so but cigarettes are so cool if you look at young hollywood they all smoke cigarettes i see them calling out young actor actors and actresses all the time because they all smoke. All of them do. Every young musician smokes. It's not going to stop.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Mary-Kate and Ashley had a cigarette party. They were passing out. The girls from Full House are having... They look like they're 73. They're my age, exactly. They would fall out of a tree like this.
Starting point is 00:51:04 They're very they're very way fish yeah kyle you do look younger than the olsen twins well they're worth a billion dollars so yeah i would date them instead of kyle yeah i don't have a down syndrome dog though so one up on that yeah take care of him he's part the package. And he's got three neurotypical dogs. He has seizures as well. Does he really? No, he's fine. I believe it a thousand percent. My dog with mental problems has seizures too. Why wouldn't we believe you?
Starting point is 00:51:39 He's like, I just had to take him out. Are you sure you didn't have to hit him with the paddles while you were out? I have one dog who's 16 and I just had to take him out. Are you sure you didn't have to hit him with the paddles while you're out? I have one dog who's 16, and I love her to death, but she's on her way out. She coughs all night long. She has this heart murmur.
Starting point is 00:51:54 You can't operate on it because she'll die from the anesthetic. So it's just like, any day now. Is she the one that lifts the walls? No, this is a tiny little dog I've got. Do you have a fleet of dogs? Yeah. That's exactly. I've got pack insurance.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Hashtag dog people. Five dogs is a pack. Oh my gosh. I count myself. I'm Long Wolf. I have the jacket from Long Wolf McQuaid. I wear it when i be none of that's true i got four dogs uh and uh and it kind of fell into them and i don't know i like them a
Starting point is 00:52:31 lot but i have two dogs they're great danes and by great danes standards they're really old they might be 10 and 12 but the 12 year old knocks on the bedroom door every morning saying she needs to go out and she didn't knock this morning my wife wouldn't leave the bed she didn't want to find the dead body she made me go it's that does taylor have any pets what do you got i don't have any dogs no no i might get one i'd want a little one i have the exact same thing going on the way your wife won't check for the possibly dead dog my little dog sleeps under the bed
Starting point is 00:53:09 like underneath the bed she's got a little doggy bed under there and she feels safe being under the bed nobody's going to step on her, none of the dogs are going to rough her up the bigger dogs, sometimes she doesn't come out right away in the mornings she sleeps in and it's like come on
Starting point is 00:53:26 and after a while you get down on your knees with the flashlight and you're like and she looks up like you're like thank god i did not want to we're good till tomorrow morning the old great dane when she sleeps she sleeps on her back with her feet in the air and her neck out stretched and her tongue hanging out the side and you just look at the chest your movement like i want to hold a mirror up and see if she can fog it she looks so dead when she sleeps i check the dog all the time to see if it's breathing it's it's a it it's someday she's going to be cold when i touch her and it's going to be real fucking rough because I'm going to have to get a new one then. Oh, of course.
Starting point is 00:54:08 I'm going to replace the dog. Are you going to bury the dog in a good way? What disability will your next dog have? Growing up, we buried all the dogs, had a little doggy funeral at the edge of the property
Starting point is 00:54:24 that we kept in decent order. We don't have tombstones for the dogs had a little doggy funeral at the edge of the part uh property that uh uh you know we kind of kept in decent order just you know we don't have tombstones for the dogs but my uh my brother-in-law owns a granite company so we got a little thing there so you know where the dogs are buried and uh but but i think i would get the dog um what's the word uh when you when you burn them up cremated cremated. I couldn't come up with that one. I don't think I'd get them cremated. Then get rid of those ashes right away. You've got to get rid of the ashes.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Or here's a new thing they can do, Taylor. I don't know how much it costs. If it's less than $300 or $400, I'll definitely do it. Don't tell me you're going to shoot the dog to space. Nah, I wouldn't do that. You'd be scared up there. She don't know nothing about space. Keep her close to home. Can you imagine if her little doggy branket when you die baby i'm gonna burn you till there's nothing but little bits and then shoot you up into the forever sky
Starting point is 00:55:14 actually die right then no you can get them cremated and then have the ashes compressed into a diamond and uh and then you've got you've got a diamond of your dog, so it'll last forever. And I like to imagine that it's souls trapped in that little crystal. Versus going to space. Versus going to space. And then you can go to a pawn shop.
Starting point is 00:55:37 You go to a pawn shop and be like, I'm trying to get rid of this diamond. And they're like, sir, there's a lot of hair in this oh it's a tooth in it it's a tooth in it cremated yeah when my last dog died so it was a great dane too and the thing about a great dane body is it takes a man to carry it like you know yeah oh yeah it's a big heavy dog so uh like i don't know how to handle this it just died in our what we call our game of thrones room and so i i picked it up and i put it in the bed of the truck and i drove it to
Starting point is 00:56:12 the vet you know we had planned this i get there and there's nothing but like basically hot chicks working at this vet they're all like whatever 26 years old and skinny they can't carry great danes they're terrible at this task so i have to carry my dead dog that I'm grieving. It's been dead for six hours at this point. And they had me put it in the freezer. This isn't a walk-in freezer. It's like the kind of freezer you might have in your garage where you open the lid and you just dump the dog in there with the long legs sticking. You move the legs a little bit.
Starting point is 00:56:46 So the lid closes. And that's my goodbye to this dead dog. But like, yeah, what else do you do? Yeah. What else can you do? Dang. Sorry, buddy. That's yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:56 It's rough losing dogs. There isn't a good way. You're going to ruin my life for one day. It it's gonna really fucking hurt you little shit brain i'm gonna get so close to you like i'm gonna get so emotionally attached to you it's gonna be devastating aren't you so cute his paw under the door he's he's right there right now like outside the door waiting on me to which one this room Toby, the one I've had since he was a baby. Yeah, he's always there waiting. Do the other dogs know Toby's your favorite?
Starting point is 00:57:31 No, I treat them all about the same. Toby just treats me better than the others. They all get the same love from me. I get more love from Toby. Rocky doesn't know where he is. Rocky thinks you're his mom. Yeah, Rocky's over there listening to the ghosts of the house licking the wall.
Starting point is 00:57:48 I wish he loved me as much as he loves Toby. I wish he listened to my warnings about the specter in the laundry room. Should I tell him about Beetlejuice? They escaped the yard the other day. It had never happened before.
Starting point is 00:58:04 It's gated well, but without making the story silly, they got out. And I'm running in the rainstorm, half-dressed, chasing them through the neighborhood. And here comes a pretty black girl walking down the sidewalk. And I'm yelling, they're friendly! They're friendly! They're friendly! Because I know they're going to see her and run at her any second now.
Starting point is 00:58:28 The first thing they do, Toby's like, running right at her. Rocky, too. Rocky does this thing where he chops his teeth together, like, chop, chop, chop, chop. Stop making fun of my dog. She's just terrified. She's holding her purse
Starting point is 00:58:44 up around her face like trying to keep from getting mauled or something i gotta go and meanwhile you're sprinting at her too they're friendly they're friendly you're gaining on her she has no chance of escape i'm running as fast as i as i can uh barefoot uh through the neighborhood in the rain yeah i don't know what she was doing in the rain but uh i got them all sealed in now uh it's uh i like my dogs a lot i i grew up with dogs but i haven't really had a dog uh of my own in a long time uh since i was a kid five four four for real i was kind of joking see i'm the fifth member of the pack that's how it works oh yeah yeah no no to Toby's the leader. Toby's the... Wherever Toby wants to do, we gotta...
Starting point is 00:59:29 I'll have to sit on the floor until Toby's done eating. That's why I was late for the show. Toby said stay. Rocky's still licking the wall like, I wish I could eat. Terrible day, babe. Got demoted. Now Rocky's above me.
Starting point is 00:59:48 I still haven't got him neutered i don't know what the i feel bad getting him neutered at this point just like it's been so long well i think a lot of breeds they'll allow them to keep their balls so they're like a year year and a half because they need the testosterone for bone density i know a breeder told me that about um those borzois but now i just kind of feel bad but the balls are i mean it's graphic dude his balls are way bigger than mine and they're and they're and they're bald and pink and and when he sashays around he has kind of like a like a wiggle to his ass and the jewels are back there fucking clanking around. Let him have his big old balls.
Starting point is 01:00:32 It's obscene. Do you feel like he's bragging on you? He's like, hey boss, I saw you get out of the shower and I've got bigger nuts than you. He probably thinks I'm a girl after he saw what I was packing like i had the opposite experience we got we got a dog named buddy he was a yellow lab mix and he wasn't fixed uh probably 18 months old something like that but he only had one nut
Starting point is 01:00:56 so it was just just his uniball would sit there in the back and it's like this is a pitiful display of manhood i'm embarrassed for both of us that's hilarious no don't don't neuter him and then you can breed him and have a whole fleet of toby's yeah a fleet of toby's i think i'm good i think i'm good i'm i when i i doubt i'll replace the other dog when it when it uh inevitably does go because four is a lot of dogs i almost got five because i had this thing where i told myself when i was getting the puppy that two puppies is 1.5 times harder than one puppy not not twice as hard if you really think about it because yeah oh yeah each other yeah they take care of each other and one feeding time one outside time they're gonna do it but luckily i i didn't make that mistake
Starting point is 01:01:45 and get Toby's sister. Then I'd have just way too many goddamn dogs. You'd have puppies by now. Way too many goddamn dogs. Yeah, there's a lot of dogs, dude. And you sprinted into the dog game. I loved it. You went from no dogs to four dogs so rapidly.
Starting point is 01:02:02 I agree, yeah. But he's a dog person. I've known Kyle for 13 years, maybe. He's a dog person since the day I met him. Yeah. I've always been a dog man. Kyle's like, welcome to dog chat with Kyle. I haven't got a dog family.
Starting point is 01:02:21 You should get more dogs. You need new dogs. You've got that big house down you know are you talking to me or taylor well you need to wait until you have fewer dogs than you currently do um but taylor taylor just lost a couple dogs he could he could stand a a dog or two i have the same exact perspective as you do about the two dog thing where it's like two dogs is truly not twice as hard as one dog yeah and they love having a little buddy to play with and like because you're like we're humans we have shit to do we have to go out and about we have like and the thought of
Starting point is 01:02:59 like leaving a puppy alone or a dog alone by himself in my house makes me really sad and so i would i wouldn't get dogs unless i was ready for two get like i would i'd need two right off the bat you know i made a little cabapoo's or little bichons or a maltese a cute i have a recommendation go ahead i'll be quick when you when you when i was uh looking for dogs you can get bonded pairs and those are these little dogs that that have been buddies their whole lives. But for whatever reason, their owner has lost them or can't take care of them. And that'd be the way to go. That's a good idea.
Starting point is 01:03:35 That's a really good idea. I didn't realize you could buy bonded pairs of dogs. Yeah. That's how I buy fish. I got our dogs, I had this idea that two dogs was only like one and a half times more expensive than one dog. I thought for some reason there were economies of scale or something. No. Two dogs are at least twice as expensive as one dog. And when you get big
Starting point is 01:03:59 dogs, it's like, oh, your dog needs whatever, a moccasin or something. You'll need four doses because your dog is ginormous. These miniature horses of yours, everything costs so much. Yeah, I don't like your dogs. I bet they're nice dogs, but I have zero envy for those big bastards. I just imagine that now farting and ruining a room. You would love my dogs. You would love them.
Starting point is 01:04:23 If you spent any time with ender in particular you'd be like this do they take like uh but i would think if there was less of them i'd like it more bigger poops than me um yeah you know i think my best efforts are right there with the dogs it takes your best effort to get up there with the dog yeah yeah i would say that's true damn that's pretty emasculating your dog's going out there just fill in your yard with shit dude everything about my house is a mascot my dogs are seven feet tall my son's like six three i'm start wearing lifts around your house an apron right just give up you know is it like a little frustrating now you're
Starting point is 01:05:06 where you're like oh colin uh time to stop like enough's enough such a hugger he'll come up to me so i have a special needs son he's 20 years old and he's like six if he's not six three six two and he's like do you need a father son hug i always say yes because clearly he's not asking about my needs and uh yeah i just like put my head up against like his collarbone give him a hug does he pick you up and spin you sweetly bigger i'm stronger and heavier i'm just not as tall. For now. Oh, man. That's great. I meant for now because you're only 49. You could shoot up.
Starting point is 01:05:49 50. No, 50. You could have a growth spurt. Don't you wish that happened? Like a surprise growth spurt? I could still look forward to being 6'4". That would be great. That's my plan, right?
Starting point is 01:06:02 You age. Travis, tell me if you're on board with this plan. You age until you're 50, and then throw that bitch in reverse. Get better and better every year. Your senile years start in your last, what, like 13 years when you start to lose it?
Starting point is 01:06:17 And death is an orgasm. That's obviously better. So, Woody, did they do anything for your 50th birthday? What did you do? Did you woke up that day? Well, let's say this. They did something and I don't remember it.
Starting point is 01:06:32 I think I got to choose my cake and blow it. He wrote five O and bacon with his eggs. I got a lackluster hand job that night. It's a breaking bad reference if you guys didn't get it. Oh, yes. That was a sad scene. Did you do anything special for your 50th? I bet it sounds good. I took 16 people to
Starting point is 01:06:53 the Daytona 500. And I was not, I mean, NASCAR is kind of now it's like watching paint dry. But I always knew when my birthday was cause it was generally the weekend of the Daytona 500 my whole life. And so I took everybody from Rob pits to, uh, there was a bunch of YouTube idiots and my friends,
Starting point is 01:07:19 and we all went to the Daytona 500. Um, but yeah, that was it. I, uh, just kind of was like, okay, uh, I've known it my whole life. Daytona Daytona is going to be my birthday weekend. And I just, uh, my wife rented some humongous ass house that we're probably still paying for. And we're just took a bunch of friends to Daytona 500. And so that was, uh, that was it. So breaking bad, I mean, it references, um, here's how weird my life is with Breaking Bad. So there's a lady named Fran that owns Walter White's house. And she's a little bit of a non-understanding lady anymore because people will come to her home and don't do this
Starting point is 01:08:02 and throw a pizza on her roof or something like that. I could have finished that sentence. Yeah. Yeah. That would be. And she, she put a solid fence around her yard now. And,
Starting point is 01:08:13 but you know, movie, you know, they're filming a Beetlejuice two right now. So they are all the whole sets and everything are on back and, and up there at Maine or wherever. So anyhow, the I,
Starting point is 01:08:26 I, I've known Fran for a little while and Haley, my wife and I, we would watch all the seasons of breaking bad as in real time, as they came out through AMC. And then of course we were doing the plates for the movie or in the shows and, and El Camino and,
Starting point is 01:08:41 and better call Saul and all this other stuff. So we kind of generally knew a lot of people on the set. Like the two Salamanco twin brothers guys, like they're friends of ours. Like they will text me. They'll be like, if you ever need anybody to take it out, Travis, just give me a call, you know, kind of thing. So I drove. We were in New Mexico, and they weren't't shooting and it was in their final season.
Starting point is 01:09:08 And I was like going, Hey, let's go over to Breaking Bad house. And she's like, Haley's like, okay. And little did she know that I gave Fran my cell phone and I proposed marriage to my wife in Walter White's driveway. So then the camera crew and everybody comes out. And so of course i'm the spokesperson for the group like i'm the guy who won't shut the hell up where my wife is like okay uh woody taylor kyle please know that i'm not going to hug you and he's going to do all the talking and uh so she was like please don't make me do this please don't make me do this and i'm
Starting point is 01:09:41 like what say yes and she goes no like there's a camera crew behind you please don't make me do this please don't make me do this and i'm like what say yes and she goes no like there's a camera crew behind you please don't make me do this and i'm like okay you guys go fuck off for a little bit and then we then fran took all the pictures and then we were good so but yeah so every time you watch breaking bad that's uh somewhere out there in the internet there's a netflix show called it was filmed here or something and they got our dumb asses proposing marriage at walter white's driveway oh that's really cool so that was my breaking bad story but we we had a lot we would sell plates to aaron paul all the time and he would like autograph them and like hide them and like go on twitter and say you know i have hidden a plate somewhere in new mexico and like you know people would find them like it's crazy but uh it was a
Starting point is 01:10:25 Ian Zierig from 90210 uh called yesterday and he was like Travis Bell Ian Zierig I'm like Sharknado it is like 90210 I'm like okay and uh he goes uh was he in Sharknado also? He was the main character of Sharknado. They use his license plate from 90210 which says, I ate a Ferrari, 4RE and they used it in Sharknado. So whenever he goes and does comic cons, he sits there and signs
Starting point is 01:10:57 license plates. But he prefers the association of 90210 than that. Yeah, probably. But Sharknado was kind of fun for him. They're still making them. I'm not sure how that... Really? Yes.
Starting point is 01:11:12 I don't know how that thing took off and became so wacky and bad it's good and people wanted to see them. Although I'm going to watch the Meg too. I want to see Jason Statham attack that giant Megalodon again. Did you see the preview for that? I don't know what Megalodon is. Okay, so
Starting point is 01:11:27 the idea is that there's a Megalodon that... Giant shark, right? In modern times, and Jason Statham has to fight it. Well, in the second he killed the first one. Of course he did. You need Jason Statham for that. You gotta. Remember he was an Olympic diver, don't forget, okay? He has aquatic
Starting point is 01:11:44 skills. That's going to be integral. Who's got him on speed dial? Like, dude, Megalodon. Call Jason Statham for that. You gotta. Remember he was an Olympic diver. Don't forget, okay? He has aquatic skills. That's gonna be integral. Who's got him on speed dial like, dude, Megalodon, call Jathan Statham. Alright, I'll do it. What's he gonna do? How does he kill it? Is it a knife fight? Alright, so in the preview, obviously there's just like a, you know,
Starting point is 01:11:59 it's pretty easy. Is there a pun about making it extinct? He's on a jet ski, like revving the jet ski up, and he's got like a bunch of what look like um like lances or ballistas on his back and a quiver and he's gonna like throw them at the shark or like maybe they're like explosive tipped or something but he's like riding at the shark like full speed on a sea dew on a sea dew yeah yeah yeah and he's you know in his wet suit with the with the with all the the missiles on his back is he shirtless a lot he's 56 can he still do shirtless lead acting parts i don't i'm sure he can i mean i don't see why not he's always been
Starting point is 01:12:38 super thick and like i said he was an olympic athlete yeah was he really did you yeah he's a diver oh that i thought you that was part of his character you just made up for them no no no i'm saying that's why it's a big shark what in the heck oh he's on a dock so he's kicking up his foot up yeah he's kicking the most yeah that's like the most pristine dock i've ever seen in my life right Look at the CGI nails that are stuck in the bottom right corner. I don't know about that. Yeah, there you go.
Starting point is 01:13:11 This is from Meg too. He's got these little... Did he fail to kill it the first movie? Or is there a second one? If I remember correctly, he killed it in the first movie. But clearly, there are more of them. And I think perhaps an entire ecosystem of gargantuan beasts
Starting point is 01:13:27 deep within the Earth's oceans. I bet it's like they find out that like this one I killed was a baby. And then this one's gonna be even more ridiculously large. Yeah. Thank God he's on the case. Man, what a stupid-ass
Starting point is 01:13:44 movie. You should watch know what it's kind of neat it's one of those movies that that is chinese produced so there's the ubiquitous unexplained pretty chinese lady who's there for all the technical stuff who has a little bit of an accent but not much yeah i'm good with the blue whale is the biggest animal to have ever existed on earth in all of earth time. It happens now. I see that Megalodon and I'm like blue whales are bigger and they're real and you can see. Yeah. And blue whales though
Starting point is 01:14:12 aren't scary. We're not even on their radar. If they're going by you, right? You don't have to call Jason Statham when you see a blue whale. You kill one though. He could kill one and he'd go to prison. I would imagine
Starting point is 01:14:28 you can't just kill blue whales. Where would you go to prison? You're in the middle of the ocean. They're probably just really hard to kill. Zach is killing it with the pictures tonight. He's just been on board with cars and license plates and now they're going to be there. Zach, let's
Starting point is 01:14:42 search engine. I don't know how he does it. Oh, come on been johnny on the spot there's even no i love it he's great i'm saying you're yeah you know what there could be something bigger than the blue whale we don't that we that you well not that exists now unless it's i wonder if there's some squid or something like portuguese man we're like not heavier but longer they talk about how little of the like ocean is discovered like there's got to be millions of things we don't know about yeah but they're all stupid right it could be cool oh yeah this fish is just like some other fish you know but slightly different we haven't seen like that like 150 years ago they didn't know about all those cool like bioluminescent things you know at the very bottom that had like angler fish and all that like
Starting point is 01:15:24 they just i don't know why. They glow in the dark. They should have seen them. Well, they didn't go down far enough. But now we go down far enough and we go, oh, look at these super, the deepest sea fish. That's just the deepest sea fish so far. And then the sub you're in implodes and then it's over. Yeah, and then you don't even get to see the Titanic and you'll be like a
Starting point is 01:15:40 side point on a future. Don't crowdfund your submersible and everything will be fine. No. All the other cool billionaires have good materials at first they made it seem like this was a one of kind of a kind submersible and oh it goes deeper than anything and then we're like yeah except for that one that james cameron has oh and the one that the oceanography institute has and oh and the navy oh man the navy goes so deep. Wait, the Navy has one? Yeah. I think they've got the little drones that go down for submarine
Starting point is 01:16:09 rescue. Isn't there some guy who was a video game or a tech guy who has a ridiculous sub? Yeah. He owns the record for the lowest one. Is it Notch? Is it Notch or is it Gabe Newell? It's Gabe Newell. It's Gabe Newell think i think you guys told
Starting point is 01:16:25 me he owns the record in every single c for lowest guy to to yeah really at one point he held that i don't know it's incredible isn't it that's such a rich person's hobby yeah but that's sweet to be like just to see that like he's just like he has nothing better to do in life than to be like james cameron just took my record in the Indian Ocean. Not for long. And then he's just going to do that. Yes. We'll be like, we shall dive now. Yeah, we shall dive because you all work for me on this yacht
Starting point is 01:16:54 because I'm a billionaire. I wonder what the pressure is in the sub when they go down. Like how, I don't know. What do you mean? You have to be consistent. You mean in the sub? Yeah. Yeah, man. I bet it gets one atmosphere. You think it's one atmosphere?
Starting point is 01:17:09 Yeah, like this is. We're under, what, 16 PSI or something? I don't think so. I think I've seen them shake a soda and open it and the bubbles don't even come out. You've seen that too, right? Yes, I have. Yeah, I'd like to know. And also, I have an altitude watch
Starting point is 01:17:25 if you take a plane up you're at like 8 000 feet like that's the equivalent air pressure for when you fly in an airplane not a private jet but a private prop plane when we went from like here to pa that time to do some stuff and the bags of potato chips that were normally look regular because we're at altitude and the pressure in the cabin was low. They were all puffed out. They were ready to pop. That was pretty neat. Yeah, I guess it's not.
Starting point is 01:17:53 We left the car driving back from Colorado once and they exploded. Really? On the ground. Cheap ass chips. Cheap ass chips with their goddamn pressure exploding. I've seen pictures. Those bags would have lasted cheap ass chips cheap ass chips with their god damn pressure exploding those old sun chip bags would have lasted
Starting point is 01:18:08 once it was so fucking noisy don't they last for like 10,000 years or something stupid is it that or the opposite I thought they were like green bags oh are they I'm not sure there's the sun chip bags but I'd rather it take 10,000 years than eat out of the sun chip bag, which is the loudest material on Earth.
Starting point is 01:18:27 Sun chips are disgusting. Every time I've had a Sun chip, I've never finished a bag of Sun chips in my life. I mean, they're just chips. They're just like multigrain chips. There's something else going on there. Whatever they're made of is chips. Okay, well, what's your king chip? Yeah, what's your go-to chip?
Starting point is 01:18:43 I mean, just the Lay's original is a killer chip. But anything's better than a SunChip. It is the bottom tier of chips. I don't agree that SunChips are that bad. Also, I think the Cape Cod kettle cooked chips are the top of the heap. Those are solid. Those are some good, good chips. If you want to hurt yourself, you go vinegar.
Starting point is 01:19:02 You can't finish the whole bag because it'll burn your tongue. But if you're stupid and you're driving, that'll happen. I Vaseline up. Smart. You have that movement when they move the Pringles out of the chip aisle because they're crisps and they're not quite chips.
Starting point is 01:19:22 You're like walking down the aisle like, dang, some Pringles sound good. They're like, oh, crap, they're not quite chips and so yeah you're like you're like walking down the aisle like dang some pringles sound good now you'd be like oh crap they're on like aisle seven so yeah because the way they're crazy being an adult i'm sorry as a kid you buy pringles you're my family would share a tube of pringles like at the ymca pool right as an adult no one can stop me from getting oh no you polish that whole thing off right it's gone by the end of the afternoon i still need adult supervision i don't like them at all you like finish pringles and like there's there's seasoning all over your hand in there like trying to you have to like come someone to peel the sides open so you can get all every bit you know as a kid i really like
Starting point is 01:20:02 those sour cream and onion ones but but like an adult, when I learned how they're made, it's just like potato pulp, like mashed potatoes that they're compressing into that shape. Pressed potato sweepings. Yeah, that's what it is. Pringles are just potatoes that have been smushed. It's like emulsified potatoes
Starting point is 01:20:20 warmed into the shape of a chip. It's a chicken nugget. It's a chicken nugget. It's a chicken nugget. It's a chicken nugget. 100%. By comparison, of course, a Lay's potato chip is a slice of a potato that's very thin that they then fried and salted. Man, that's almost all natural. You just sliced a potato and fried it and gave it to me.
Starting point is 01:20:41 They're over there doing science to make some potato chips in a cylinder. I don't know about that. Lay's are objectively better than pringles i think it's cancer i think you're both not going to heaven with that take i think you're saying i agree with you wholeheartedly on the cape cod thing that's okay cape cod's very good and you're also wrong about sun chips they're not the best but to put them in a tier like at the absolute bottom i'd rather have saltines plain saltines are underrated though in prison we had unsalted saltines it was like yeah you're being everything from us you can't have salted what'll happen will there be a riot if you throw those eight little pieces of salt on this little fucking cracker. I remember salting those bitches. Yeah, I did it.
Starting point is 01:21:27 I salted a saltine. It was like, how do you even sell them without salt? I didn't know they existed. When you bought them the first time from the commissary in jail, did they say they were unsalted or was that a surprise? They said it on the box. How many soups did you have to trade for your saltine crackers when you're in D block? We trade max. That's packets of mackerel.
Starting point is 01:21:48 But you don't get to walk into a store and be like, ooh, a little bit of this. You check some boxes on a list, and a fellow inmate fills up a Santa Claus-like bag with your shit and throws it at you. So you don't get to be like, oh, not salted. Never mind, then. You just end up with four weeks' worth unsalted trackers that you have to eat. For Travis and maybe new listeners, Kyle went to prison for two months for smoking marijuana. Yeah. It was federal prison, though, so it wasn't a big deal.
Starting point is 01:22:18 So, yeah, you get three for one or something actually i just said here is uh here is the the think of on on podcast 658 what was the weirdest thing that travis said so far other than he had a possessed backhoe apparently um i just i sent a letter to a federal prison today to to a famous prisoner that I am friends with. Epstein's dead though. If you can, if you could, and he's, and maybe Zach could start going Google crazy.
Starting point is 01:22:55 He is in, he is in Englewood correctional facility in Denver area, Colorado. And I grew up with this person and never knew he had a problem and he is serving time and he did not have a bunkie roommate named Kyle.
Starting point is 01:23:14 So, boom! And Jared Fogle is absolutely correct, Zach. My friend... I was close with him, Steve. You know Jared Fogle? That's so Epstein. You know, Jared, that's so funny. Tell us about Jared. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:28 Uh, so Jared is, was a, was a great friend of mine and I had people go, oh my God, he was a, this, that, another, whatever else. Um, uh, Jared and I did. We, we went to more NASCAR races, more. I've been to a super Bowl because I knew him. And people say, well, you never know what your friends are into or whatever else. So Jared gave up an addiction and picked up an addiction. And I would always be like, who wants to have sex with your fat ass?
Starting point is 01:24:01 I was always like, we were just pals. We were just friends but since i don't drink i don't smoke i don't do drugs i don't have any earrings cavities tattoos body puricines i was always pretty boring but i was a club disc jockey and jared liked to party and he would come in and hang out and he knew since i didn't drink and anything that i would just drop him off he literally lived six miles from my house, right? And we were friends for years. Oh, he had a gorgeous home.
Starting point is 01:24:30 Is this mid-subway years? Like he's already. Oh, yeah. This is subway years. But he would call me. I would drop him off at home, and I would just go to bed, and it would be like 7, 10 in the morning on a Sunday. And it was like, Travis Travis come pick me up and I'm like bro it's 7 10 and I'm like what are we doing he goes I have
Starting point is 01:24:52 to say gentlemen start your engines at the subway 400 at the Ontario Auto Club Speedway in California and it's first class all the way what time are you going to be here I'm like all right I'll be there in like 20 minutes and so it was always weird because when jared and i would travel um he could like if he needed coffee he could never walk up to this the the like if there was a hardy's at the airport i would go get the coffee because someone would take a picture of him like oh god get jared's at at at parties and so but there is um there's a big badass picture of of jared wearing a blue dallas clark jersey and we are in the indianapolis international airport and it's a terrible picture of him and he's kind of turned sideways and like the big foot pose. You know what I mean? Like,
Starting point is 01:25:45 and, and if it, whatever you do, like the, the wide shot of it, my dumb ass is standing right next to him in that picture. So we, we fly,
Starting point is 01:25:54 we fly all the way out to somewhere. And when we land, like his phone just explodes, like, and there's all this stuff that says, you know, Jared's off the bandwagon he's a fat fuck you know whatever else and uh that's i am standing right next to him in that photo right there and he just not a good angle not a good angle yeah that's that's yeah he just
Starting point is 01:26:17 looks like a fat fuck so um uh that's that baggage terminal. The fact that the, the, the, the, the part of his body that protrudes the most seems to be the middle of his chest, you know, that's a good look. So needless to say, we, that is us leaving Indianapolis international. So I don't know where the hell I'm at. I'm definitely not that guy right there, but, uh, we were, uh, going to California and his phone explodes. Cause of, he has no cell phone service when we're in the air. And there's this big non thing about how he's a fat fuck and whatever else. So we go do our thing and then end up at a hotel. You know, he goes in his room and does whatever the hell he was doing.
Starting point is 01:27:01 Travis, married and happy, went to bed. was doing travis married and happy went to bed and uh the next or that evening was the evening that tiger woods and his wife got into a fight with the with the golf clubs and the car went to the ditch and we were like thank you tiger woods we're like yeah but so yeah i mean it was and and knowing and so we kind of you know didn't hang out very much anymore when he his co-defendant which is russ taylor um and him became friends and he became like the chairman of his jared foundation and all that stuff and uh i could kind of see the wheels were falling off but you know if if some if everybody has a friend that has a problem and know everybody that's listening to this or watching this is like yeah somebody either drinks too much or smokes too much or what they watch at home or
Starting point is 01:27:49 what they do you can never control what your friends do and uh so i was like okay the morning that jared's house got raided like you know because this is indianapolis and jared is a he lives right up the street and he's a local, local celebrity worth, you know, 15 million at the time. And so, you know, your phone's gone, you know, helicopters over some way Jared's house. And I'm like, got one eye open and I'm like going, Ooh, wow. Right. So I go to the bathroom, comb my teeth, walk back in, turn the TV on.
Starting point is 01:28:23 It's probably 10 after 7 a.m and i'm like going and my wife rolls over and she's like going wow and i looked at her and i go no matter what no matter what i said they will not be here at this house and she's like no matter what they will not be at this house or whatever else you're friends with jared and blah blah blah damn you're getting it home already first thing dude so it's like so two two days later and i'm like oh shit right so my daughter 18 at the time now 28 uh she answers the phone she goes or answers the door she goes dad two guys in a Dodge Charger in the front in the driveway I'm like so I'm like all right put them in the front room and I you know put clothes on walk out my wife's going they aren't gonna be here right there's that be here so I'm like I'm like going Haley I'm like babe look so I walk out there and they literally questioned me for
Starting point is 01:29:20 like 15 minutes and then the last thing they said was because anybody who was in his phone got a knock like that week like any any text anything and of course jared and i would communicate and we'd whatever so the the last thing they said to me was like hey do you think jared would ever cheat on his wife and i go no i said i just DJed their wedding like three years ago he's got two kids like he's always dying and at that point they knew I didn't know a thing and that was it but like when he I and I was I was almost let down because of course you know some of the the there's a really terrible documentary right now with some chick that really wants a lot of money that was like an investigation discovery recently. And, you know, you can't defend your friend that has a freaking problem.
Starting point is 01:30:13 But Jared was always one of those people. And no matter how creepy it is, like the age of consent in New York is, let's say, 15. And that is pretty damn disgusting. But the age of consent in Indiana um in new york is let's say 15 and that is pretty damn disgusting but the age of consent in indiana was like 16 but he would set up his little rendezvous using his phone from indiana and then he would say hey i'll pick you up at the airport because i have to open a subway or something in new york but by doing that that's federal crime. And that's why he's in federal prison right now. And the chick that kind of set him up was kind of creepy. His co-defendant is a super creep and he just kind of got mixed up in the wrong crap.
Starting point is 01:30:56 So anyhow, I was like, man, I need to be a better friend, even though I don't agree with the things that, you know, some people may be very opinionated that, oh, I heard Jared did this or heard Jared that, but I was there firsthand and I saw, and I had no idea this shit was going on. So literally I, uh, when he, when he got arrested and everything else, or what, he didn't actually get arrested. He couldn't go back to his home and he had a beautiful home and his still living in indianapolis and they of course they lived on this cul-de-sac and so i was i i drove over there and i'm driving into the driveway and here comes the camera crew like racing up behind me like all right like like we just won the publisher's clearing house like they're up my ass like up the driveway and i knock on the door
Starting point is 01:31:39 and they expect there to be another camera crew in the driveway and man mrs focal answered she's like oh it's travis and i wander in of course there's a video of me camera crew in the driveway and man, Mrs. Fogle answered. She's like, Oh, it's Travis. And I wander in, of course, there's a video of me like walking in the house. I'm like, Oh God, here we go. That's like the local DJ hanging out with subway,
Starting point is 01:31:51 creepy ass subway, Jared. I'm like, Oh, that's all I need. So I put my cell phone on his parents, like Island. And he threw his phone on the Island.
Starting point is 01:32:01 And I said, let's go downstairs and tell me what the hell I missed. Like, where did I miss all of this? Cause I was friends. There's pictures of us when I had red hair and I'm like going like, dude, what happened? So, uh, I, I sent him a letter today, uh, just stated that I was going to be in Denver in the next couple of months. And I would love to come see him because he looks if Zach does some due diligence and if you remember what Jared looked like he doesn't look like that anymore
Starting point is 01:32:30 and like before he went to prison I took him to go get LASIK because these are readers these are reading glasses but uh he was always notorious he'd see him push up the well Sharknado Sharknado he had a he had a bit in Sharknado that they cut out. They had to cut it out right when literally he got arrested the week that Sharknado happened. But, yeah, that's him right there. That's what he looks like now. Really?
Starting point is 01:32:56 Yeah. They're still getting them sandwiches in there. Well, you know. And I knew the one on the right with the Indianapolis 28, that is whoever the running back was back in the day on the right with the Indianapolis 28, that is a – whoever the running back was back in the day for the Colts, but I knew that Jared on the right. So, but –
Starting point is 01:33:13 So there were never any like – Nothing. Yeah, like crazy moments where you're like, this doesn't make sense. Why is he with this super young girl? No, and nothing. And I was always – he would would since i was such a good friend uh it would it would always just kind of like well i should keep that from and we took him to get lasik that's why he doesn't have any glasses on in the picture but uh it was always he knew
Starting point is 01:33:38 he was going to prison so he was like better get this fixed when we did i took i took him to go get it so yeah yeah i wonder if he was thinking, you know, in every movie, the first thing they do is take the guy's glasses and then he can't see what did he do? You told the story like he was with 15 year olds and it would have been legal if he wasn't. So yeah. Yeah. Well, and then so, but by, by making his rendezvous via, you know via state lines, that's federal. He also has child pornography.
Starting point is 01:34:11 Yeah, and that was the Russell, his co-defendant. That's very, very creepy. So you're child porn, and he met up with 15-year-old girls. That's what he did. Pretty much, yeah. was uh like a child born and he met up with 15 year old girls that's what pretty much yep and that's uh you know so he would always be like hanging out with russ and russ was a creepy bastard but he was like the you know the person who shouldn't be on drugs but you got that one friend to be like hey let's go do some drugs i'm like yeah let's go do some drugs you know what's uh he was the in he was the very much the enabler and uh i'd so much
Starting point is 01:34:46 i would so much rather have a have a friend with a drug problem than so much rather like if i found out a friend of mine was a pedophile i would it'd be like number one it'd be like i how did i not see this how did i not know that's like i'm sure that's the number one thing you think is like i okay, what did I miss? What did I miss? Did you do that? When you found out, you went back through your... Oh, completely. What did I miss? What clues were there?
Starting point is 01:35:14 Why didn't I see this? And that's why I went and met up with him at his parents' house, and I was like, what did I miss here? But yeah, that was co-defendant, and he was super enabler super creepy yeah this parent his mom his mom was of course was a school teacher and his dad was a pediatrician and uh just the nicest people on earth did he have any relationships with like ladies just
Starting point is 01:35:41 regular women like did he ever date yeah have a girlfriend yeah and so of course like i said he was married married uh when it all went down and katie is a super amazing nice young lady has obviously nothing to do with him now but um it was it was very weird because but she made out well you know at that point at what cost you know? You know, so, you know, there is a number. I'm sure there is now. The mental cost of realizing you were married to someone like that. Like that's that's right. Well, or the cost of realizing that I had no idea.
Starting point is 01:36:17 And I was like, literally, they raided his house on a Monday. And I talked to him on the Saturday and had no idea. I was like, oh, wow. When we start talking about Kyle's mean stint in the clink, I was like, my guy, I got you on commissary, put you some money on your books and I got you hooked up.
Starting point is 01:36:39 I can't relate. I knew Kyle smoked pot the whole time. I was well aware. I can't believe y'all are comfortable i you can do time it's so so funny what was the most fun you ever had with jared fogel like super bowl yeah we went we well no he had a i owned one of the general he's from the dukes of hazard and uh jared a big Dukes of hazard fan growing up as kids. My age were kids. Woody's age were.
Starting point is 01:37:09 And, uh, we all went to a, a Benny Hanna and I drove the damn generally to a Benny Hanna, Chinese or Japanese restaurant. And so we're all sitting there and everybody's doing sake bomb, sake bomb, sake bomb.
Starting point is 01:37:21 And of course I don't drink. And I'm like, okay, it looks like everybody's pilot in the generally on the way home, like bomb. And of course I don't drink. And I'm like, okay, it looks like everybody's piling in the generally on the way home, like whatever. And so we, um, Jared is heavily cocktailed and I know John Schneider, Bo Duke, John Schneider, like real well. And so I said, okay, so you're for your birthday.
Starting point is 01:37:38 I'm good. We're going to drive the generally and I'm going to call Bo Duke and you can talk to Bo Duke in the generally for your 30th birthday or whatever it was. And so we're driving through Indianapolis and we come down to this like club district in the damn generally with the most famous face on earth, which was Jared at the time and in the most famous car on earth. And Jared's like, pull over here. And I'm like, and he was fun. Like he was, I was i mean you know you can roast me to the end of time that i was friends with him but we never knew he had a problem so yeah you but so we would put we pulled over i'm like why and we are in the freaking jimmy johns parking lot subways head
Starting point is 01:38:18 competitor and he's like out the window like jimmy johns and all this stuff. He's like, Travis, hit the horn, hit the horn. I'm like, so little like the drivers that night at Jimmy John's walk out and they're like going, dude, suddenly Jared is in a General Lee out in our parking lot, hitting the horn
Starting point is 01:38:39 and flipping us off. And I'm like going, does it get any better than this? This is my life. That's pretty good. Jared's on his phone texting. No one knows what he's really excited about that evening.
Starting point is 01:38:55 It was that girl behind the counter at Jimmy John's. Yeah. I'm in this hateful detention here. You can watch a lot. We ended up on TMZ a lot you you can watch a lot of and we ended up on tmz a lot you can watch a lot of of you know tabloid stuff and a lot of it is very kind of you know fan made and whatever else and leave britney alone kind of stuff and whatever but it was it was weird because he was just a normal dude to me but then when it all went down everybody's like like we followed local
Starting point is 01:39:25 disc jockey travis bell because he was friends with here he is right here in a picture what do you got to say i'm like dude keep my name out of this shit and because i knew nothing and it was almost sad that i couldn't help but uh he had had a horrific co-defendant and at that point you can't do anything it's he was a very big enabler and he's what's his like thing now how long is jared in prison and so doing federal time like back in the day when kyle did federal time if kyle got one year of federal time kyle would get three for one so you get three days for one day and that's federal time because federal prisons are pretty loaded up Kyle, right? Back when you were in locked up, they were loaded.
Starting point is 01:40:09 So sorry, bro. But if you, if you had, if you had one month to do, you're going to do 10 days and that's it because it's three for one, three for one, three for one. And Jared had made a financial agreement with all of his victims, quote unquote, even though these ladies of the night were already paid, then they get paid again. So none of them came to testify against Mr. Fogle. And, but the judge knew that that's the game that he played. So he took a plea agreement for like 12 and a half years or 15 and a half years.
Starting point is 01:40:48 But by that time, remember, if you're doing three for one, you're going to do about five and be out. But she sentenced him to like 17, 21 years to make sure he did all 15 and a half of his years. So he is already kind of up and over the hump, if I remember right. But I haven't been out there in a while to see him. So I'm going to go out.
Starting point is 01:41:14 So these girls, you called them ladies of the night. Were they prostitutes? They were paid. They were paid. Yeah, they were all paid. It looks like what Zach linked is that he got in trouble for, what is it, child sex tourism. So he got in trouble for, what is it? Child sex tourism.
Starting point is 01:41:30 So he was going places for the purpose of having sex with people who were underage. That's another thing of how do you prove it? But, of course, he was hanging out. Where's Kyle got to go? He's got to let the dogs out? Probably. He's probably got one of the... I'm going to take a piss while you talk about your pedophile friend. I'm going to take a piss while you talk about your pedophile friend.
Starting point is 01:41:50 You can't be buddies with him after he gets out or anything. You can't. I'm surprised you're talking to him now, really. I really think I would cut all contact with someone if I find out. Actually, that's not a thing. I 100% know I would. Yeah. And for me, I was like, oh, and we were such good friends i was like fuck and so i
Starting point is 01:42:06 have not talked to him or seen him in seven years now and uh i just had a printed out thing on my on my computer's desktop it was like you should uh send him a letter and so i did to this this morning which is bizarre but uh uh you know and everybody's like you know and you know oh my god you know this is there is no worse crime than that crime there is nothing there's and you do not come back from that shit you he will never never be seen in public again he you will never catch him and me in an airport ever again um but think about how on top of the world he was just for eating freaking subway sandwiches so he wasn't uh and then he had to be a pedophile and
Starting point is 01:42:56 yeah and then you know go to jail for it yeah thankfully his co-defendant has got like 30 some months years or something and his code his co-defendant's wife just went to jail too so she fought it forever and just she ended up with a ton of ton of years too so uh yeah damn that's a whole lot of people spending a lot of time in jail for nefarious activities she has 33 years and four months oh wow yeah four months tickles me but yep so but they were like just the most disgusting like creepy people but they latched onto jared and then enabled him and he had a effing problem anyhow like he it wasn't oh jared was this no he was a creepy bastard like he that is sick as could be, but then they, they were just feeding him a shit sandwich right there and he was eating all of it. So. Yeah, but he had to eat it. He, he had a, I mean, he was the money man, I would assume like facilitating all of this.
Starting point is 01:43:57 Absolutely. And he wasn't doing it magnanimously. He's doing it because he wanted to have sex with underage children. Honestly, he's doing it because he wanted to have sex with underage children. Creepy, creepy. So that's why I had to remove myself from him when all of that shit went down. And I was like going, all right, I'll be in Denver. Maybe I'll take a visit. Maybe I won't take a visit.
Starting point is 01:44:24 But like I said, if you're right, if you find out some of your friends are up to this shit, you have got to be like, they are dead to me. But, you know, I never knew he had a a problem he was not that person that i knew so oh yeah like i don't like there's no way you can hold someone accountable at all for their friend doing fucked up shit you know they encourage it and excuse it of course but yeah um yeah that's that's unreal that you were friends with Subway Jared Fogle. For years. Jokes aside, like 100% serious, when he gets out, do you think that he could have a career? Done. Not in the sandwich business.
Starting point is 01:45:04 He won't be able to be like a counselor. He won't be able to do... He will have to live in nowhere. Well, definitely not a counselor. He can't even work in a high school. He can't even...
Starting point is 01:45:19 Those are his favorite people. He can't even get a job at a daycare, Kyle. You don't get it. It's over for him. He can't be a skilled nurse. If he had a Twitter that was interesting, like a whole social media thing. I'll say this. OJ is very interesting. I watch OJ's
Starting point is 01:45:35 podcast all the time. Footlong. The full six inches with Jared Fogle. Six inches is funnier well yeah you used to take footlongs or whatever else so it's not i wonder what his prison experience is like because i know it can be tough for child molesters but i assume he's in some yeah no he's the other way yeah they are uh and i figured that out too because i was like
Starting point is 01:46:03 i i told the ce CEO of my life, I was like, he's not going to last a week. Like he's going to be dead by the end of this phone call basically. Yeah. And they, Englewood is has a protective side for chobos and child molesters and whatever else. And of course he's on that side, but he,
Starting point is 01:46:21 he got the complete living shit kicked out of him about seven years ago and um what probably well deserved but you know that's uh you know what do you do you know you like go if if he doesn't look like a fighter no i don't know but uh you know i i figured that kyle may have bumped into him during his stint, but I guess not. I was at the Alabama Federal Correctional Institute or whatever the fuck they call that. Talladega. Yeah, Talladega. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:55 It's in Alabama. Sure. No, no, no Chomos there. Mostly tax cheats and gang members and shit. Stuff like that um was it minimum security is that what it was you call it you could call it's a camp it's a camp so like um yeah how long ago was this spent like three four years ago now right like three years you still got street cred with that oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was in there with some scary people.
Starting point is 01:47:27 They called them white lightning by the end. There was somebody famous that was in the medium side of where I was. He was running around the track. Not down low where I was. Because he came too fast. Well, there's that. No, but seriously, though, I would watch jared fogel's youtube i would watch his podcast if he had it sounds to me like he was traveling around doing a lot of fun stuff and he
Starting point is 01:47:55 has um interesting stories it's i i like hearing like the stuff you did with him the two or three or four or five times or whatever like those trips sound interesting and fun i bet he's got cool stories the same way that like oj does i i don't sure i guess it's a fair comparison i don't i don't mean that he's as bad as oj i guess no i that's a fair comparison that's a very he cut heads off you know those girls are fine they're compensated well yeah i mean it's just how they feel about their experience right because it's voluntary they were paid then they were it looks like he paid him another They're compensated. I wonder how they feel about their experience. Right? Because it's voluntary. They were paid.
Starting point is 01:48:30 It looks like he paid them another $100,000 later. $100,000 each. Each victim. At what point do you be like, yes, creepy. No, don't want to have anything to do with these people. I would watch a porno with Jared Fogle where he fucked the girl from Wendy's.
Starting point is 01:48:46 Like have some other chick dressed up as her and I'd have him fuck Wendy I would watch that he could have he needs to tell him that I was like I would watch his podcast his YouTube his chatterbait his porn I'm a big I mean Travis likes Jared
Starting point is 01:49:02 I love Jared it's not. I love Jared. It's not that I like Jared. We were just friends. But this will come out on the YouTubes and there will be video of you saying that you would watch
Starting point is 01:49:20 Jared go to downtown with the ridiculous stuff. But I want the Wendy's that's on the girl for this on the sign. I don't know if you've ever seen Dave Thomas's real daughter or nephew or niece rather or whatever she was. Sure. That kid had like
Starting point is 01:49:36 not enough chromosomes or too many. I can never tell which, but that's a fucking child. Yeah, I guess if you keep throwing Rocky under the bus. Okay. Who didn't do anything to any little girls, by the way? He's just down there being a nice boy.
Starting point is 01:49:51 You know, guarding the house. I bet he helps everyone he meets. He's fixed. Poor guy. He's just got floof back there. Yeah, floof. So anyhow, that was my, when you went down to prison lane i was like damn i just sent a letter to a prison today yeah and uh well yeah he i i don't i don't think there's a lot of people
Starting point is 01:50:12 driving in the same car you are because if he came out with anything on social media twitter or whatever else and i don't know that he would legally be allowed to because of sentencing guidelines i uh you know i think there'd be more people waiting outside for him to kill him versus i don't i don't know if he'll ever be able to set foot anywhere so you know i i think that he can absolutely have you know it's freedom of speech they can't say he can't have a twitter where he talks about the good old days of being jared or i would self-produce a documentary. I would have a YouTube channel, and I would have a podcast if I were Jared Fogle.
Starting point is 01:50:50 And I would tell Jared Fogle stories. And I would keep the sketchy stuff away from the show. I'm going to let you know the co-host of that show will not be Travis Bell at all. I mean, someone's got to be there for him. No. I had my friendship. I feel like you could do a themed race for him in your backyard like Cops and Robbers
Starting point is 01:51:13 where he's there. Or he could announce. That would be the OJ race, like the OJ Simpson race. Everybody has Broncos in the backyard. We did a themed paintball thing that was like Cops vs. Blues Brothers one time down in Joliet. That's one of my favorite
Starting point is 01:51:32 movies of all time. It's time for a rewatch on that. Blues Brothers? I never understood the magic. I love musicals. I love Belushi and Aykroyd. Carrie Fisher there in the background somehow. I really like all of those guest appearances by James Brown and Aretha Franklin. So everything that the Blues Brothers did in their Bluesmobile, I did in a Bluesmobile.
Starting point is 01:51:58 So I drove through the Dixie Square Mall. I drove through the six corners of Cortland Avenue. There's a trailer I feel like you're having more than your share of fun that might be why I'm as boring as they are that sounds awesome so somewhere out there on like Facebook video or something
Starting point is 01:52:16 or YouTube or somewhere if you put like return to Chicago 2005 there's a trailer of me like driving through the Dixie Square Mall and like driving through the Dixie square mall and like driving through everything that the blues brothers did. I did it and no, no permission, no permits and had a bunch of fun. But I mean, we've also jumped to generally, we've done all kinds of ridiculous stuff, uh, to, if you ever say, well, that my childhood dream is this, or my childhood dream
Starting point is 01:52:44 is that a lot of people don't ever fulfill their childhood dreams and I'm fresh out of them. I have, uh, everything that I've ever wanted to see happen from watch the generally fly to drive through the same path that the blues brothers drove or race across the country in the ambulance from the cannibal run. A friend, a sandwich pedophile. The friend of saying you can push a foot long or like pushing a rope i guess i don't really know what it is but so uh yeah we've uh we've had a lot of fun but we're trying to figure out you know now that you know woody and i are both 50 and he said it right right earlier do you just start living life like a pro right now and then when you're in your mid-60s like remember that time we're on a podcast and started talking about footlongs,
Starting point is 01:53:28 you know, whatever. So we just, I, it's not that life's too short. You're just dead too long. And you know, the people that died that today are still going to be dead tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:53:37 So I tell everybody, you know, do you think there's something after this? No, we're, we're dust. We're done. I was not a cat before this. I was not a cat before this i was not a bird
Starting point is 01:53:46 before this and uh i'm just a a goofy high school dropout adopted kid from indianapolis and just have a i had a bunch of weird friends and you know if everybody's like well did you know this did you do this do this and i'm like we are still planning weird shit to do because it's, it's true. Life is not too short. You're just completely dead too long. I could, Hey, Blinken is still dead. You know, he's like, I really want to hear about the high school dropout thing. What's up with, did you have bad grades?
Starting point is 01:54:16 Shit. Shit. No motivation. Uh, had, you know, I was always like, why in the shit am I here? Like, dude, it's sunny outside. Like what? And, uh, and I was a skater kid. Loved it. Love. It was my ability in the shit am i here like dude it's sunny outside like a what and uh and i was a skater kid loved it love it was my ability in the skateboard i loved it but you know like when you were a skater kid in the 80s and 90s like the the cigarette commercial where the kids like sneaking cigarettes in his in his bedroom and whatever else and the dad comes in like where'd
Starting point is 01:54:44 you get these? He doesn't have a football helmet there. He's got a effing skateboard on his bed. And so before Rob Dyrdek took over the world or unfortunately took over MTV, you were always kind of labeled as the bad kid. And so I could give a shit about school spirit or whatever else. the bad kid and so you know i could give a shit about school spirit or whatever else and i literally the day i quit high school i uh just completely cussed out probably three teachers that day like i was like f you get my transcripts f you to this and i wrote like letters to all three of them and in my in my middle 40s i was like you I was, I was having a bad day that day, whatever else. And, and like the Dean of students, like wrote me a letter back and he goes, I may have not been the best educator that day.
Starting point is 01:55:45 an asshole that day too but I mean he was just there to do his job and I was that you know boisterous stupid ass kid in the back of the of the room going you know why aren't we all somebody pull the fire alarm so we can get the hell out of here today so but yeah I mean it's weird because you know this year I'm I'm this is the fourth year of me DJing on the 80s cruise and you become a senior and so then I graduate and I've never graduated shit in my life. I mean, I've worked every minute from the day I quit high school to this moment. When we get off of here, I'll be, I will work all night long, but we, it's just something I enjoy doing, but it's like going, you know, you don't really hear much about kids quitting high school anymore because it's a total gimme. Like I just
Starting point is 01:56:25 went to my son's graduation and there was 1,450 kids in his graduating class. And I'm sitting there going, and our last name is bell. And I'm like going, Oh boy, we're going to be here all damn night now. Cause my son was in the third row, but my daughter was born with a wrench in her hand and she's 28 years old and she loved everything that has to do with cars. My son, you have to pay him to go outside because he's playing games all day. I'm still stuck on that. Born with what in her hand? A wrench.
Starting point is 01:56:55 A wrench. Wrench. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, thank you. Yeah. She was a gearhead. And so, but you know, when you go to the complete polar opposites of children and how do you raise these kids because they're completely different and I'm going to go outside and drive around the go-kart total gimme throughout high school and my son was a good student so you're like looking at him going not too many people quit anymore because they're like going well you showed up today it's
Starting point is 01:57:36 like everybody gets a trophy you know it's it's it's t-ball and kyle's team kyle's team is the champions yeah i think a lot of like schools and their districts like don't they lose funding and like get in trouble if people get held back and so they're like well we cannot let anyone get held back yeah you don't know how to read but fuck it you're in eighth grade now and they did that to my daughter when i was i was uh because i was the primary parent i had custody of my daughter and they're, they're sitting there. And I went through all those little parent teacher conferences and all this crap.
Starting point is 01:58:09 And as you're going there and you're like going, we need to talk about furthering her education. I'm like, you guys tell her to pass algebra one. And she didn't need that, but nor did I, I didn't need that either because school wasn't for everybody. But if you're like looking, I'm going, damn, I got all the school days or I'm doing this or that and other, you know, I, I always kind of fought the system, but it works for somebody. My sister, 50, 50, I don't know if she's three years older than me. She has more education than everybody
Starting point is 01:58:42 that I've ever met and still goes to school, but it's the most unhappy person I've ever met in my life. And I'm like going, why are you so you have all this stuff that you've ever wanted, but mounds of debt or whatever else. And I can't tell, you know, what is what? And so it's, it's not for everybody, but the way they force it down your throat, you're like going, ah, I should go to school. And I'm you're like going now i should go to school and i'm a dick if i don't go to school i'm like if you work your ass off you may not be a dick that bad i guess but yeah not at all if you work your ass off you lots of people are successful without school did you was it a spontaneous decision to drop out of high school that day
Starting point is 01:59:21 that morning yep i was like fuck this so you went to school not knowing you were going to drop out of high school that day that morning yep i was like fuck this you went to school not knowing you were going to drop out but then the day went wrong and you're like i'm out of here i'm out of here so in indianapolis um if you got suspended two times in a in a semester they took your driver's license and that was part of of you know you you you had a suspension on your driver's license until the new. And I had a job. And I was like, and I was about to get suspended for, fuck, I don't know, doing something stupid, skater punk kid stupid shit.
Starting point is 01:59:55 Who knows what I was doing. And I just went into the dean of students. I go, well, if you suspend me, I'm going to lose my license. So go get my transcripts. And, well, you know, we could offer you, like, four or five days of in-school suspension or some shit. I'm going to lose my license. So go get my transcripts. And well, you know, we could offer you like four or five days of in-school suspension or some shit. I'm like, fuck that. Then I got to go sit here for four or five days and stare at a wall.
Starting point is 02:00:12 And I said, no, I said, dude, I'm done. I said, there's nothing you can offer me. And that was that day when Mr. Hoagland at the time, Eric Hoagland, and I got in this argument and he was the one that I wrote the letter to. And, uh, I was like going, dude, go get my shit because I'm out of here. And I was gone. And, you know, it's no, I did not walk into school.
Starting point is 02:00:33 I quit my junior year. So I did not walk into school knowing that I was going to be like, oh, this is the day that I tell this. And of course, my sister went to Hanover University and I went to jail, you know, or whatever, you know, I didn't, I was just a bad kid. So I bet those teachers were devastated. You weren't going to be around anymore. Yeah. They were like, oh, the, and I had big, bright red hair. I was a redheaded kid.
Starting point is 02:00:55 They're like, oh, now I don't have to hear that loud mouth guy in the back of the classroom going, you know, when the clock strikes two o'clock, everybody sneeze. You know, I click. I'm like, look at,, ha, ha, ha. Look at what we're getting away with in the 80s of the night. Putting drugs in the teacher's coffee in the coffee lounge. Yes. And all the 80s movies that never happened. Which I don't think has ever happened.
Starting point is 02:01:18 Yeah. Never happened. No. I remember a kid from my high school claiming to do that. And it's like, there is no way that would have flew so far under the radar that you'd be telling me right now at lunch. Like if Mr. Bradley was tripping the way you're claiming, he would not be teaching that stupid class right now. Well, I believe during the time was that they replaced a teacher's saline solution with crazy glue, and she glued a contact lens to her eye. Of course, this all happened like the year before we got to this high school. Sure.
Starting point is 02:01:52 Yeah. Contact solution, so similar to crazy glue. Yeah. The consistency is like, oh, this is a little thick. It's happened a few times. But Woody might attest to this. oh this is a little a little thick it's happened a few times people are but what do you but what he might attest to this like the teacher's lounge like if you ever like they crack the door to the teacher's lounge there'd be like a smoke haze line like in there teachers and they're fucking
Starting point is 02:02:15 having a heater because they couldn't deal with these freaking kids but i mean i you know and that's why i when i was a club disc jockey there was a teacher that used to come into my club a lot and i would tell her i would call her teacher lady and i would say like i totally because i And that's why I, when I was a club disc jockey, there was a teacher that used to come into my club a lot. And I would tell her, I would call her teacher lady. And I would say like, I totally, cause I respect you because of what the hell you have to deal with now. And I just have to deal with all these drunks for, for six hours. And you've got to deal with my child for, you know, you know, I just education right now is very underrated. And I cannot believe that a lot of these teachers have to go through the shit they have to. But that's my own opinion.
Starting point is 02:02:51 And, you know, from everything from school shootings to people, kids like me in the back of the classroom making everybody sneeze at two o'clock. You know, I don't I don't envy. I would have loved to have been an educator, but I don't envy their job. Almost every single friend of mine who became a teacher quit and switched to something else that paid more, even if it was harder within a couple of years. Sure. Because there's an idea where they're like, yeah, it's really an easy job. You get your whole summers off. You work until three.
Starting point is 02:03:27 What, do you think I'm going to be making lesson plans? It's all Common Core. It's handed to me. I do that. And then it's like, oh, but you're dealing with like shitty, awful kids if you get put in a horrible district. And so what are you going to do? Is it worth it?
Starting point is 02:03:41 You're making underfunded, underpaid. what are you going to do? Is it worth it? You're making under, underfunded, underfunded, underpaid, you know, and I just, you know, I, I really enjoy history and the things that, that have happened. And us talking right now, you'd be like, remember that day, Kyle said that he went to jail and that Travis started talking about subway Jared, you'd be like, Ooh, you know, let's not do that ever again. But this is happening right now. And I really enjoyed history and things that happened back then.
Starting point is 02:04:06 And that's why I would study like television's history and cars and things and things that happened on shows and movies. And how did they get away with that? And what, you know, in Star Wars, they did this and all these different props and things that they did. But then I was like going, man, I said I would have been a great history teacher. But then I would have had to deal with all those little bastards in my class all day long, but I had my fun. Good.
Starting point is 02:04:32 Well, I, we are at two hours, so I've got to read the ads real quick. Nice green screen there. Filthy. Thanks. I was flown away.
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Starting point is 02:11:35 Everything's sold over there at GorillaMind.com. Code PKA or code Jizz. And that's the ads. Back to the show. You know, flavor match those ever? I feel like if you're going to do supplements and cum kilos you should just get it all at once right it's some sort of like we've got our boys in the lab working on the next level of that boys in the lab is me wearing gardening gloves in my kitchen
Starting point is 02:11:55 in a smock and nothing else just butt ass naked with a apron on. I make him wear the gloves that way when he touches me. I heard tell that you wanted to discuss aliens or UFOs or the scent hearings or something like that. I couldn't
Starting point is 02:12:19 think of a better group of people to discuss this with publicly online than you guys. You came right to mine and it just just reached out and it was just it's just perfect timing perfect time did you guys watch it at all yesterday the live i'm aware of it yeah i can find you a link it's all over um i saw the guy publicly like under oath testify yeah that what is it what did he say exactly that we have is it non-human remains is that that we have alien technology? Was it non-human remains? Is that what it said? We'll do a summary for the viewers. I'm sure you guys are informed and you're just trying to trip me up a little bit,
Starting point is 02:12:50 but I'll summarize real quick here, which is there's a two-hour Senate committee hearing with three witnesses coming in and this was... I think I have the name somewhere. Give me a second. I'll find them up. This is Ryan Graves, David Grush or Grush. I don't know how to say his last name and David Fravor.
Starting point is 02:13:07 And David Fravor is the guy who 2004, his group of, uh, pilots were up. He was one of them where they've had the, um, what is it? The Tic Tac, uh, uh, video that they recorded with this, which is basically something we don't want to fuck it is, uh, with actual footage from, uh, the instruments on their their plane and it's doing some really crazy shit and this is a all these guys are career um military guys all of them in good standing some of them still there some not and they have come out and you know david david frazier had that one incident nothing before nothing after with this talked about it a lot a lot of other eyes on it of something the fuck going on all right none of this alone is very interesting all this is kind of like
Starting point is 02:13:47 what the fuck is going on right who knows but you get a couple of these coming out you get um ryan graves is in it for slightly different reasons this apparently is something that happens a lot with the aviation training and flying of jets they have this shit in the sky they're not quite sure what it is they keep seeing these there's not a good way to reporting there's a bunch of stigma for reporting these. No one wants to be the guy being like, I saw some fucking aliens out there in your flight group kind of deal. Anyways. So he's in there kind of going like, well, you have this huge training problem and safety problem with air stuff that can't get reported because people get laughed out of the
Starting point is 02:14:22 room kind of deal for reporting this. And there isn't an agency and it isn't a system and kind of place for tracking this shit. We should do something about this. And then we've got the final one, which is David Grish, whatever his name is, who's come out. He's a whistleblower talking about first, well, it's like firsthand knowledge of people who have firsthand knowledge of seeing this shit, which gets a bit kind of sketchy for that. And he's only willing to talk some things and open meetings like the one he just had. And the rest of this is classified. So my understanding is basically he's come out to do this, but he's doing this inside of legal balance. So not like a Snowden situation where he's just spilling all these secrets, but he's trying very hard to protect the confidentiality of the things that are security clears and that he can't talk about, but thinks
Starting point is 02:15:00 this needs to be told to the American public. right what's the interesting part about this for me is holy fuck this is in a senate committee hearing in public being taken seriously with a bunch of people who aren't saying hey there's little aliens although grish says he has both seen or have talked to people who have both seen craft and seen bodies which is fucking wild forget that for a minute i don't even want to he doesn't say he saw it he says no yeah bo has he's willing to give names has like they've written things submitted reports of this kind of shit but no can't can't do any of that public kind of deal right but anyway one video though that they apparently showed congress or some members of that committee and they're like you can see people in the craft moving around i haven't seen that one way or the other. And I don't know, for me, just the publicity on there's some weird shit up in our airspace. We don't know what it is.
Starting point is 02:15:52 We have a lot of eyewitness reports, a lot of sensor data, a lot of stuff that's been tracked from both ships and planes of this. And we're finally starting to talk about it. We finally want to start talking to the public about it. We have senators are interested in poking in poking at it going hey we have what's supposed to be top security clearance for this and when we ask questions we get turned away what the fuck is going on and we're going to get to the bottom of this and doing this publicly suddenly shit gets really interesting to me so i thought that was just a super cool i just watching it was just so you know i if you can't hear it in my voice i want to believe kind of deal but yeah you know you want to believe i want to believe as well no i'm with you yeah i grew up loving the x files and that's sort of conspiracy that show and i would love it if they would just you know what gigs up i i get on the
Starting point is 02:16:39 ufo subreddit the ufos subreddit slightly different the ua like the conspiracy subreddit and they're like biden has met with their leader they live at the bottom of the marianas trench and they've been there for 5 000 years they let us they told truman that if he used a nuke against them they would wipe us off the planet and take it for their own and i'm just like probably all accurate okay okay probably true yeah the only like it's it's weird to think about an alien race that would get here and then like get caught on camera dude he said some weird fucking shit in there because they asked a little bit about that apparently uh the the second guy the um the whistleblower guy has a degree in physics which i had no idea until i heard this committee thing and it was talking a little bit about it but he said some just bullshit stuff from my they just
Starting point is 02:17:30 set off all my kind of bullshit detectors of like extra dimensions and this type of stuff i'm just like i don't know what the fuck you're talking about and i wish you hadn't said that because i was happily going along with you know this sounds believable this sounds believable you were so excited for like first 40% of it. And you're like, no, no, no. Oh, damn. Fuck. You've kept that one for closed doors too.
Starting point is 02:17:50 Can you imagine if he got to the end and he was like, and it turns out that Jesus Christ is their leader. He's come back to us. Actually, I would buy into that. Like that would bring us all full circle. We always talk about how we wish that God was real. Oh, yeah. All the other religions would just become Christians.
Starting point is 02:18:11 No, no. What if Jesus Christ was an alien, an extraterrestrial, and this last, how long ago? 2,000 years, 2,020-something years. He has been flying back home. He has been flying back home, telling been flying back home telling his people that he's what they what we did to him and they've been on the way back to get retribution for what the romans did to christ i don't see that i don't think that's very accurate yeah that's no one asked that exact question in the committee and this is why i thought pka is where i need to go because
Starting point is 02:18:42 i didn't even think like that's a hard-hitting kind of you know the exposure we would get from something like that kyle would just be just you know the only way we could catch aliens on camera is if they wanted to be caught on camera because imagine like like to show up at a planet where you get to a planet from a million billion light years away like that's like me walking a mile to get to an anthill like when i get to that anthill like they're nothing to me they i don't they're barely sentient to me i can do whatever i want see you you couldn't no i mean they would have some cool cloaking some some kind of technology or like you can't be able to look at us from further away than our furthest telescope can look and they totally know about you this metaphor falls apart yeah this isn't working
Starting point is 02:19:30 taylor like you can't even hide from ants like you could drive to an anthill you can fly to an anthill on the other side of the planet but when you got there they'd still be able to see you you can't turn invisible because you're just way more advanced, not magical. Okay, that was more a power difference. If you're looking at just... Damn. Fuck, you got me. They would have some... Dude, the Russians and the Americans have cloaking technology. The aliens would have... We don't have
Starting point is 02:19:56 cloaking technology. Dude, there is some weird thing in there too. We have B-2 bombers that you can't pick up on our ability to, or they probably can now, but for a long time, those were a million, billion dollars a piece. They're not invisible to cameras.
Starting point is 02:20:11 Yeah, that's stealth. That's not like, here's my arm. Do you guys think maybe that the interdimensional race of people might be more advanced than that, and they might be able to just become invisible? The idea that they're going to, the idea that they're going to show up and we're going to catch them unless they want to be caught.
Starting point is 02:20:28 So if we're seeing them, they want to be seen. Well, that tick tack video, what they said, um, for that's David Frazier stuff again was, that their active,
Starting point is 02:20:36 uh, radar got jammed by it. So that what they were only picking it up was on passives because their, their active was getting actively jammed, which was fucking interesting to me hearing that, which that's kind of what that is you know what you might not even it depends what kind of alien race right if it's like the super intelligent kind they'd have technology and whatnot but what if it's more of like the fungus kind of of alien where like they're just vicious and like the alien kind of alien and they they're more just here for destruction and doom and yeah my favorite sci-fi and an alien encounter um scenario is that like an alien slave ship
Starting point is 02:21:13 shows up the like an alien nation or in um that what's the movie in south africa that's the apartheid allegory um like something like that where where they have no district nine where they have no idea how to operate their own technology they're just like the the breads genetically engineered slave race that that works inside the big ship so and the master race that's been all destroyed so they get here with tech that they don't even understand and now we just got a fucking immigration problem that's your that's your favorite kind of yeah. It's a financial issue when they show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they're bringing technology and goods
Starting point is 02:21:50 and they're like, oh, I'm thirsty. Like, that's how they get out. But they don't drink water. In Alien Nation, salt water was like battery. No, they drink fucking Ciroc and they demand it by the gallon. We have to get tons of it for them have none of you guys gone down this rabbit hole before the uh the ufo rabbit hole oh me for sure i would have always not
Starting point is 02:22:11 enough i always go back to like it seems like if they had all the technology and ability to get here then they wouldn't come here they'd go somewhere else maybe maybe it seems maybe they could do that what i think is and if if there's something going on if there's actual craft and fucking bodies for reals then i think it's a a race of beings that have been here with us this whole time in the ocean i keep going back to that because it's what i think would actually make a little sense because the idea of getting here across much harder right because it's like you know if these are drones or something and these are just like van neumann stuff that's out replicating,
Starting point is 02:22:46 and it's here doing automated shit, maybe you're like, maybe. You know, like that sounds like a much more plausible kind of thing. But like when you hear like bodies and craft that are being piloted, you're like, what the fuck? Like that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Travis, are you an alien believer at all? Or are you just kind of, could happen? Of course, when you're driving home from
Starting point is 02:23:05 clubs for 26 years at three in the morning you see some weird ass shit that you cannot explain and it has nothing to do with you know i mean you you know drunks are weird i mean and we drove down some some lonely ass roads in the middle of the night and then of course you know i and my wife grew up in a in a you know in a in a smaller town where it's when it's dark out it is freaking dark out where in i live in indianapolis and we still have the glow from the city but yeah i mean you there is to to say that we're the only folks cruising around here on, on, uh, you know, this rock or whatever would be kind of tough because there is some unexplainable shit that of course, uh, you know, now that, of course, like I said, in front of a damn Senate hearing right now, like who, who says, okay,
Starting point is 02:23:58 all right, I'm going to bring this in front of Senate. Last time we were in front of a Senate hearing, you had, uh, the guy from Roswell with a weather balloon. And then you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, that's not that's just a weather balloon. You're like and his kids are like, no, this shit was not a weather balloon. So, yes, I mean, but but my thing is, if you go through all these different administrations that, you know, I grew up with Reaganomics and Carter and all this other stuff. But then you go through the Clinton years and then of all people not to dump this shit, you don't think loud mouth ass fucking Donald Trump would have been like, folks, here's the fucking aliens.
Starting point is 02:24:31 And it's fucking huge, you know, like his dumb ass. And then Biden's smart enough to be like, cause he's, he's not, not saying he's a smart ass. He's an old, crazy old timer, but he's smart enough to know to keep his fucking mouth shut. But we just had fucking Trump in there and his dumb ass had been like check out this guy his name is orco and like you know he would like march him out there so all right to draw a reference to harry potter maybe it's like that where the prime minister doesn't know that there's magic and such going on unless
Starting point is 02:24:58 there's a problem and it's like sir we didn't tell you about the alien race that lives at the bottom of the ocean because we only tell presidents on a need to know basis. But they just blew up Hawaii. So you really need to know this. So this is Xenu. And it turns out Scientology is at the heart of it all. And we've got to get Tom Cruise to go up there. And for real, the guy that's going to do it.
Starting point is 02:25:22 He can't stop winning. Tom Cruise can't stop winning tom cruise can't stop jason statham to get him kick him all in the face i'm gonna say this if aliens came and we had to pick a movie star to go save us i would pick tom cruise i would pick but i mean but i mean woody grew up in the same kind of generation than i did and it's we've had all these different administrations where you know crazy democrats and crazy republicans all these don't you think that one of them by now would have you know old old ass ronald reagan would be like well i'll tell
Starting point is 02:25:55 you whatever else but orco here thinks that we're going to rule the world so how do you how do you keep everybody's anyone how do you keep everybody's mouth shut there's an absolutely astronomical amount of shit on the side of this is bullshit there's no way we can believe this right and i agree with that every one of those points i agree with right someone would have said something it's impossible to imagine this type of thing can be kept secret for this long for this many people it's impossible to imagine that there's this shadow government working behind it kind of shit any of this stuff the idea of to add to that the only people seeing it have like top secret clearance are there people who can really get to keep a secret like military aviators it's never some asshole with a cell phone on a paramotor who
Starting point is 02:26:33 will run his mouth the second he sees it yeah it's not that guy all of this is i agree with all of this and this is you know this is why it's so so fantastical that any of this could even remotely be where it is now but then you hear the other side that's equally interesting to me. And I don't think equal weight because the weights are so crazy with this. But you hear the things of repeated pilots of all branches out there flying, everyone flying, reporting the shit, talking about this shit. I was watching an interview with, God, I can't remember which news program it was. It was another one of the individuals individuals in favors group who flew not with exactly with that that mission but another
Starting point is 02:27:08 one of those and she was just like so nonchalant about it oh yeah we used to see these things all the time like it doesn't surprise me and no one ever followed up on this stuff we'd be debriefed we debrief and no one would come back or it wasn't until years later i was called in to talk about that and really got into the technical details of this when you hear this repeated stuff of something's up there we keep keep seeing them, we keep catching them on instruments, we've tracked them a variety of different ways. Now we see these unreal, unbelievable movements, it's something and and I liked the approach of the committee hearing with this was we don't have to point to aliens necessarily, we don't have to point to whatever
Starting point is 02:27:40 we can say, what doesn't matter necessarily what it is, but the capabilities and seeing this and not having a good system for reporting and tracking this and not understanding what they're doing this can be a foreign of foreign opponent this can be you know this can be china perhaps or the the witnesses didn't seem to think it was possible to be human but don't we don't have to start there right and if it leads to non-human great we've laid the groundwork for this being fact and not a not just just a hunt for the fucking Bigfoot again, kind of deal, you know, it's a sure.
Starting point is 02:28:06 It's my Neanderthal ancestors. Bigfoot's fun too. Yeah. But man, what the fuck is going on? But there's still, I mean, and going back to your point,
Starting point is 02:28:13 there's still a militia missing Malaysian airliner out there that that's everybody's mysteriously, you know, forgotten about or whatever in the last, you know, where's that motherfucker at, you know, because that's a whole lot of shit still out there that's oh the ocean's big well shit comes to the
Starting point is 02:28:29 surface like where's that damn you know so if you go down that thing you're like okay are they good there are they evil we've already kind of went good and evil already on this today but we're like going all right so where where do you stand with like okay we can't and not explain the shit that's on that video. I can't. You can't. You can't. I'm a stupid disc jockey from Indianapolis.
Starting point is 02:28:49 Don't go put a mic in my face and go, Travis, what's on that video? Fuck if I know. I don't know what's on that video. But I agree that there's some driving home at night. There's some weird shit that you can't explain. Where the hell's the airliner? Where the hell's this? Why hasn't somebody other than top
Starting point is 02:29:05 secret people that are like saying hey if you say shit you die kind of thing so why did the bermuda triangle i remember when i was a kid the bermuda was a hugely dangerous big news zone that i heard about regularly that a quick say was gonna get me yeah every every 80s tv show triangle being huge oh yeah you were scared to death of that shit if you were going to get me. Every 80s TV show. You were scared to death of that shit. If you were going to I don't care. If you're going to the Virgin Islands or wherever, don't fucking fly over the Bermuda Triangle.
Starting point is 02:29:33 I have not heard about it in 20 years. I haven't heard about something going down in the Bermuda Triangle. I think we all got GPS and it fixed that whole problem. It's like how Se seinfeld doesn't work if they all have a cell phone the whole goddamn time like same thing for bermuda triangle you give all those boats planes and shit gps it's like ah it disappeared no it went down right fucking here right fucking here drunk captain every time it's dangerous on the fucking water
Starting point is 02:30:05 people go down and never come back i'm terrified of the water it's it i'm i would rather go to space i find that less terrifying than deep within the ocean i find them parallels it's basically gets you a little more alone it's easier to get rescued in the water but it's the same sort of like this craft is a life support system that I absolutely need. And it's really under equipped for the task. Yeah. You're in a bubble no matter what. The whole ocean is pushing on it.
Starting point is 02:30:32 I don't know. The deep ocean is pretty fucking spooky too. The shit you see down there. The creatures down there. The different evolution down there is so bizarre. That's what I think. For the longest time, we were like misunderstanding. When they first started like pulling up all
Starting point is 02:30:45 those deep sea fish like they like scientists and people were like there's a bunch of hideously ugly fish at the bottom of the sea and it's like actually they're normal looking actually kind of spooky fish it's dragging them up through a million atmospheres of pressure for them just gooifying them into like a what a fat fish a blobfish yeah they called it the blobfish I don't think it looks like that when it's no have you seen a picture of it like in the sea it doesn't call it the sexy fish now
Starting point is 02:31:14 down below it's very handsome see it's painful it's dying a painful death right now oh it's like oh well fair yeah it died a painful death there like it's not like it's never swimming in like a courtroom fucking artist drawing this would look like in the wild my god it looks like a burn victim that got a new face is that what it looks like
Starting point is 02:31:43 taylor you assured me it was attractive underwater. No, not an attractive. This is a one that's been pulled up. It looks more normal. It's not a good looking fish. It looks more like a normal. It doesn't have this pussy outside. Raw chicken look. Something like this.
Starting point is 02:31:59 There's a fish. It's not a looker. He can tell the look on his face. Please don't take me up there. That fish only managed to mate because it's in the darkness. It's like drawing a fish from memory, the first three ones.
Starting point is 02:32:18 This guy right here, that one we just showed you, now draw him. You're like... I mean, this is... it has little spikes on it you can tell that's for something it's a real fish what is the temperature down there it's gotta be cold terrible it's gotta be freezing right is it yeah is it below freezing that sounds crazy but pressure does things to melting or freezing doesn't it salt yeah i don't know oh and salt that's true also yeah uh i don't damn this is one of those questions that i'm like i don't know but i should probably how
Starting point is 02:32:54 fucking oh right taylor i think less of you quite frankly if you don't know the temperature at the bottom of the periatris trench kind of fucking person 39 he says. You'd be surprised how useful that is most of the time. 39 degrees or 4 Celsius. Yeah, so Taylor, though, going back to all that, where are you at on it then? Are you, you know, of course, there's a lot of unexplainable shit. And I would think for me, for me, fucking bigfoot would have been caught on a trail cam by now like that's just me i'm like i've got trail cams in my back way back yard so if bigfoot comes cruising by and he shows up on my trail camera i'm gonna be that first dude like like look i
Starting point is 02:33:37 caught bigfoot and the guy that did the hoax has come out and said it was him right yeah but when you when you when you have pilots flying behind shit that they can't explain where are you at on it then well i mean the filthiest point like all of these pilots independently state seeing similar things up there so like there's something to it like they're not all just making this up uh whether or not it's aliens who who know you need to see a fuck ton more evidence where you can accept like the alien hypothesis but i think it's how many years has this been going on like there's something like there's stuff out there we don't know absolutely here's where i am i can't explain away everything but i think that by and large it's well-meaning
Starting point is 02:34:22 non-liars who aren't seeing what they think they're seeing. There's been tons of footage of people with cell phones pointing at lights in the sky saying, what the heck is happening? And then guys explain it like, this lens does that. When you shine a light on something, it has these peripheries and notice it's moving when the camera and people can recreate the UFOs that they saw. So I think that explains away 99 of it this one in particular i don't know i can't explain every one of them away i'm not gonna win at whack-a-mole but i just don't think it's aliens i don't as of right now no i don't think it's aliens but i do think it's probably likely aliens you want no because if it's aliens there's
Starting point is 02:35:07 no way they came to help there's no way they came to help they came to fuck our shit up like they are they're gonna take all of our shit i when netflix gone everyone's heard this before but like at first i thought they'd have respect for human life because i do and that's how i just assume you know projected onto someone else but then they're like woody do you have respect for termite life when you see an anthill do you kick it over just to like fuck with them sometimes i've been known to do that yeah when i mow and i just see clouds of dust getting popped up from anthills i don't feel bad i don I don't feel anything. They're nothing to me, which is likely what aliens think about us. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:35:49 Uh, which is a problem. And Woody and I grew up on a TV series called V and they were the lizard, lizard people that came and it was just like going in and we're like going, okay, so they're going to come here and they're going to rip their face off. There's going to be a lizard underneath there and they're going to take selfie. That's not V, but the picture on his phone looks like that fish.
Starting point is 02:36:15 They're like, look, we found fish at the bottom of the ocean. They're ugly. We're going to kill them all and steal their planet. So, yeah, I mean, I just to Filthy's point today, it is someone has approved a congressional hearing of this shit, and now all of the people that
Starting point is 02:36:33 always told whether they were maniacs or not said, we told you so, are now going like, we told you so. It legitimizes it in a way that I've never seen done before. And it's really interesting to see. I mean, to be fair,
Starting point is 02:36:46 the witnesses they pick for fucking fantastic. They were great. They were, I, yeah, I caught tailwinds of a lot of things. So yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:36:54 Just, they seem, you know, and who can tell, you can't tell anything from this, but you know, I've seen favor on a couple other podcasts and I'm on Rogan. I've seen him on Lex Friedman,
Starting point is 02:37:01 this kind of thing, right? Like well-spoken, intelligent guy. You know, you can't tell necessarily if he's lying or not kind of deal in the sense of you don't have any way to prove it one way or the other from just listening to him. But seems to come off. He's consistent.
Starting point is 02:37:14 He doesn't seem deranged. He doesn't seem like he's missing some fucking marbles and making shit up. You know, doesn't seem to have good motivation for doing it kind of deal. And you hear that and you see that across three different people risking their careers for this with some of them talking to, you know, Ryan Graves, his thing is aerial safety stuff. So he talks to pilots, commercial and military all over the country who have seen these and dealt with this. And, you know, it's like, man, you start putting these as data points and you can't explain them all. You're what do you know like some a big chunk of these are gonna be bullshit a huge chunk of them 99.99 percent of them could be bullshit and there's still some consistent something coming out with that and
Starting point is 02:37:53 it's interesting even if that just turns out to be some really fucking advanced drone stuff that's still really interesting to me and it's i don't know so it was really cool to watch you're getting so much joy following along yeah that's so along what would it take for you to like accept the so like i know you said filthy like you're not like the only thing definitely not i don't think so either for now like what what would it take for you do you think to to to buy it to say like this is aliens fuck i mean it's dude it's so hard these days right it's so easy to fake imagery it hard these days, right? It's so easy to fake imagery. It's so easy to fake video. It's so easy to fake audio, man.
Starting point is 02:38:29 You know, it's like, I mean, on one hand to me goes, if this isn't something, if this turns out to be a hoax, A, what a fucking amazing hoax. Whoever did that just killed it. Right. And then B, like the legitimacy this adds to it. How are you ever going to separate that shit again? Like on the one hand, this is either the greatest thing ever that this is now seeing like some public light and some public scrutiny and a government agency or rather public officials attempting to
Starting point is 02:38:54 run this down in the favor of the public or it suggests how fucked we are as a country that our leadership is spending time as the government chasing alien hoaxes you know yeah like and giving them this legitimacy in that and i have no clue from what what we've seen which of those it is so what would it take right and so yeah what would it take or what why is it this in front of parliament and why is it in front of somewhere else why did you know the united states senator government be like hey let's listen to this shit here today because you know, the guys that went parliament was like, get fucked. I'm not, there's definitely some of that.
Starting point is 02:39:27 And then, and the world media coverage is not very, um, not very, uh, kind about their coverage of this so far. It's a lot of the world media, like being like these fucking idiots,
Starting point is 02:39:38 like there's, they're not aliens dummy. They're fucking a Chinese drone. Like, yeah, it's, I think it's like these idiot americans are chasing this dumb shit again and look what they're wasting their time on kind of deal but well it's
Starting point is 02:39:49 definitely more likely i would say to be a chinese drone than an alien yeah i i would agree with that what would it take for proof though i i don't know like i mean what can you do to prove any of these things so i write about big videos and pictures like it's gotten so good like you can look you can look at something for 30 seconds before you're like oh oh shit this is totally not real yeah and that's like public free stuff you know it's like yeah actually pt does this kind of deal right or the image models that come out of that are associated with that anyway so yeah i don't know exactly what it would take in terms of proof take a lot of experts looking at at this uh hopefully experts not
Starting point is 02:40:24 initially associated with any of these other things so i'm bringing some university professors doing this who are experts in their fields show me some real footage preferably real-time footage where you know you have a fucking news reporter in there with the camera going you know like being shown around the base where they have this shit or something that would be really that kind of stuff and a couple of nuts too a couple of nuts in the mix also because you need some nuts in there like pushing the boundaries because if it's anything like alien movies the scientists are going to be like it can't it can't possibly be this kind of mercury-based organism that's not possible and then the lunatic will come out and go
Starting point is 02:40:59 gibbering at them with like an answer right and he'll have his like one spot in the sun and they'll be like god damn it that guy doing a ham radio show from the top of a mountain in appalachians he was right he's on typewriters but conspiracy version right you need those characters that one guy who nailed that branching path that comes to your season it turned out to be accurate we need him explaining it i agree we need that guy we need that passion we do we need the guy's passion he'll keep all the other scientists fired up because the scientists are going to be like, I'm at work, brother. I don't care that much, but if I don't work really
Starting point is 02:41:32 hard, this guy's going to fuck it up. It's like, does Filthy need man on the wing of a plane kind of thing? He's like, holy shit. What's on the wing of a plane kind of thing? You're right. I have no desire to's like, holy shit. What's on the wing of the plane kind of thing. Yeah. And you're right. Like,
Starting point is 02:41:45 I mean, you know, I read and I have no desire to see any of this shit. I'd much rather just keep on a cruise and ride along where we're at. But, uh, if, uh,
Starting point is 02:41:53 you know, if they're out there, shit's about to get real. I hope they are real. And I would, I for one would accept our new alien overlords. I would welcome them into my life, however
Starting point is 02:42:09 intrusive they needed to be. What if they ate dogs? I'll do anything for an anal probing. Did they want my... Oh, free! They have. Their healthcare program is incredible. Weekly colonoscopies.
Starting point is 02:42:26 Okay? Colonoscopies for everybody. It's like Oprah giving away cars. It's like you get a colonoscopy. I fucking hate these aliens with their goddamn colonoscopies. Why is your butt so spiky? Man, this is not at all what anyone predicted.
Starting point is 02:42:48 They're really into asses why aliens always have to go up your ass would be just like one of the first questions we probably asked they should have asked are you going up my ass sir it's just a rectal thermometer. No, that's how you know those people are fibbing or having a hallucination. Because you get sucked up into an alien craft, a million lasers and sensor devices.
Starting point is 02:43:15 You think they're sticking something up your ass? No. No, they got advanced stuff. Let me ask you this. You bring a cow into your veterinary clinic. You're not the state-of-the-art clinic. This isn't the Mayo Clinic or anything. This is for farm animals and dogs. You're going to
Starting point is 02:43:32 stick something right up that animal's ass to take its temperature. That's what they're doing. I got really drunk, and when I woke up, my ass was killing me. How else would you explain that? You know what? That's probably so many of those stories i passed out drunk in the woods and my ass is killing me i cannot mentally handle
Starting point is 02:43:51 what is very likely the out oh no there's and you're i was gonna say it and you're first go to in the woods that's not gonna work here that's gonna make it worse you can't be like ass hurts bigfoot it's gotta be aliens oh yeah i hope it's bigfoot stay at home i'm looking for small dick i was raped by an alien by an alien yeah that would be terrible dude i was talking to some of my viewers in this uh for this is my stream today and i have a fair amount of european viewers and they were not having it i'm like have you watched this they're like sounds like a load of bullshit and then they're like they can't even like you can't you just watch something that's probably bullshit and enjoy that it's fun for a while oh my god yeah just just have a little fun
Starting point is 02:44:36 with it i want to believe i i like your take on it uh i i agree it's it's probably it's probably a government program to make us look the other way because they've got some like new generation of cool drones that do wild shit and they're blowing our other pilots who fly normal shit's minds when they see one that's probably what it is but I really
Starting point is 02:44:58 want it to be that a million years ago there was a global catastrophe and this other race of human beings just went to the oceans because the atmosphere was bad for them and they've been there the whole time. They just had a movie about that on Netflix. It was actually good, like 65.
Starting point is 02:45:15 I saw that too. That was well, well, fucking well done. That movie was C-. I haven't seen it, but I avoided 65 because i don't care for adam driver he's odd looking and has a weird physique yeah he's from indiana come on now why does his torso look like that he has like the only speaking role in a 90 minute movie is he not well and well and like right out of the gate, I'm like going, they are clearly on Earth,
Starting point is 02:45:47 and they just flew through an asteroid field. Move on. Asteroid fields aren't nearly as cool as I imagined. Apparently, it's not like Star Wars. They're a long ways from each other. It's not very... Miles between each asteroid. That's a field of them
Starting point is 02:46:06 because the rest of space is so goddamn empty. Most of space is not worth it. In the movie 65, the asteroids were unavoidable. The belt was... They are like a trash truck that had lost its load.
Starting point is 02:46:22 Shit is everywhere. And he crashes to the Earth. I think we know it's the Earth right away. And the asteroid belt he hit is the one that destroys the dinosaurs. So he's right there at dinosaur peakage right before the big problem.
Starting point is 02:46:38 His spaceship was destroyed and split in two, but there's an escape pod on top of the mountain. So he and this young lady, she's maybe eight. I don't know. Like 12 or something. Okay, I'm terrible.
Starting point is 02:46:54 Anyway, she doesn't speak English and their translator's down because of technical issues. And the two of them have to race across the countryside through the woods. There's quicksand and dinosaurs and other assorted problems.
Starting point is 02:47:09 They just did that movie. It's called After Earth with Will Smith and his terrible son. Remember that? Yeah. It's basically the same movie, I think. Same fucking shit, except for on that instead of dinosaurs, they were hauling a monster with them that escaped. It's also the exact same fucking story as that tom or um
Starting point is 02:47:27 carl urban movie where he crash lands on viking era earth with a monster in tow and he loses his ray gun right away it falls off a goddamn waterfall and he has to go talk to the vikings and be like look it's not a bear okay this is bigger than anything you've ever seen before. And they're like, oh, I've seen bears. No, you didn't hear me. Not a bear. Show me this big bear you speak of. Sir? Kyle is a really good storyteller.
Starting point is 02:47:55 If I were just to judge from those three descriptions, I'm watching that third one, I got to say. The third one? Oh, yeah. It's called Outlander, I think. It took me a minute to remember. Outlander? That sounds so fucking stupid.
Starting point is 02:48:06 Kyle tells stories so well. I tell stories of Kyle telling stories. We watched that horrible fucking Star Wars thing called Andor. And when it was over, Jackie and I were like, I would rather just hear Kyle tell me about Andor than have to sit through this whole fucking thing. I was on Experience with Babylon 5. I think I was on this show, and Kyle was talking it up,
Starting point is 02:48:23 and I was listening to him. I'm like, I'll go check out some episodes. Fucking awful. Didn't enjoy that at all. I can't get into it. You heard somebody else. I tried to. I wanted to get into it. It's like people that like Doctor Who or don't like Doctor Who
Starting point is 02:48:37 and I'm like, what the fuck are you guys watching here? And they're like, and me, I'm like, oh man, I'd much rather watch, I don't know, two dogs fucking than oh and me i'm like going oh man i'd much rather watch i don't know two dogs fucking than this and people are like going i spent my whole life at every comic con dressed up as dr 95 and i'm like going i like dr who but tell me more about these dogs yeah well then people look at me and go you owned a general leave from the dukes of hazard that's that stupid racist ass show and i'm like going we can watch the cosby show right now but we can't watch the dukes hazard
Starting point is 02:49:09 like come on people so that's true what he did was worse than a painted car i would say significantly you know and then everybody's like going oh it's got this you know confederate flag which is you know i wouldn't show up at woody's house with a swastika on a chevette like i mean i get it right but you know but they always like prayed before every meal and like you couldn't talk shit in uncle jesse's house and everybody forgets all that stuff but yet they had that goofy flag on the roof of the damn i get the flag car but was there anything racist in that show i don't recall like the only person that ever shot at the duke's hazard was the black cop in the neighboring city like roscoe could never even like he'd like you know do all the goofy shit but it was like
Starting point is 02:49:50 you're like oh this is like a wholesome fun kind of show maybe not quite wholesome but fun and but they prayed before every meal but you can't watch the damn duke's hazard and they solve all their problems by jumping a car off a ramp and then but bill cosby is like he's like a what is he he's like a what was bill cosby's he's a doctor he's like a doctor of something so he had a lot of liver babies he has his degree in potions well he's not a medical doctor world am i right yeah what was what was dr huxtable he was like a like oh dr huxtable i understand now anyhow yeah yeah dr huxtable yeah what kind of doctor is he i think he was more of a general practitioner obgyn but remember he was like doing it like remember like the patients would come to his house and they would be in the basement
Starting point is 02:50:45 and as if that shit wasn't creepy enough. Wait, during the Cosby show, he was an OBGYN operating out of that back room in his house? Have you ever seen the part of the Cosby show where he has a special chili with ingredients that make people fuck?
Starting point is 02:51:02 Barbecue. Barbecue sauce. Is it barbecue sauce? People try? Barbecue. Barbecue sauce. Barbecue sauce? People try my barbecue sauce. That's it. Right. Then they start to love at each other and whatever. When you're like going fucking
Starting point is 02:51:18 creepy. They just can't control themselves. What do you drug people with? Is it Quaaludes? Quaaludes. Yeah, i think you're right right quaaludes i'm sure he fed ladies all sorts of pillies over all sorts of sauces 39 fahrenheit woody i remember the way that i tell about these me too stories like right away the ufo thing we got lots of reports but from all sorts of silly sources when 60 women say you drugged and raped them there's a few in there that are telling the fucking truth right you can't find 60 women to say fucking cosby drugged and raped them you'd
Starting point is 02:51:57 have you couldn't do it it's a conspiracy and now he's a wilder we gotta do it we gotta do it fairly kyle it could be the, but something's going on there. Yeah, this can be. That's where we conclude, right? We don't know. That's a lot of eyewitness reports. We know it's not aliens. Kevin Spacey, on the other hand, found innocent again this week.
Starting point is 02:52:16 Once again, acquitted of all charges. Every time he goes to court, they acquit him. Everybody that testified against him died. Every time someone testifies, when liars testify, God strikes them down. They didn't get to testify. They died.
Starting point is 02:52:33 When liars testify, God strikes them down. Sayeth the Lord, if you speak lies against Calvin, Kevin, Spacey, may you be stricken down. It's in the Bible. I wish you'd studied more carefully. That's the Lord's curse. Dude, the most absurd, like,
Starting point is 02:52:54 everyone remembers that video he made right after everyone was like, he's doing fucked up shit with young men, young boys. And he comes out and makes a five-minute video with a makeup person and a set. And he's like, everyone going around saying awful things about me, saying I molested children.
Starting point is 02:53:13 Now, this ain't entirely true. And it's like, what? And then he just kept going. Kept going, slamming his knuckles on the desk. Do you know how sure of your situation you have to be to behave that way like to no what attorney on earth would be like mr spacey we're gonna go and we're gonna need you to make a seven minute video today underwood who is a murderer himself. I want you to be vaguely threatening to the
Starting point is 02:53:45 people accusing you on YouTube today. Yes. He threw in a veiled threat at one point. Like, you know, those who lie never prosper or something like that. Those lies can go farther than those people ever will. So he said something
Starting point is 02:54:02 and it was like, oh wait, didn't one of these kids already go missing on you kevin like like one of his accusers straight up like killed themselves and maybe two um all i know is i miss that man's acting i don't care what he did to who i really don't i really don't if it was all true and he and and he fell on top of a 16 year old boy at some point after a party. I don't fucking care. I don't care if he ate the kid. Personally, I miss the movies. How far Subway commercials have fallen.
Starting point is 02:54:31 Let me tell you about those macadamia cookies they got. Hello, I'm Frank Underwood. He got representing your favorite sandwich shop. They got like... Who did I see on a Subway commercial the other day? It's not Peyton Manning. They got somebody else doing a Subway commercial the other day? It's not Peyton Manning. They got somebody else doing a Subway commercial.
Starting point is 02:54:48 Harvey Weinstein? You want both the Manning brothers. Yeah, and I'm like going, boo. You'll eat this sandwich if you know what's good for you. Harvey Weinstein here for Subway sandwiches. Stupid Peyton Manning was never fat. You're going to watch me eat in the shower if you want your job.
Starting point is 02:55:07 You want to be in Hunger Games, sweetheart? Sweetheart? Well, they dropped this sweet onion chicken teriyaki. Old Peyton Manning dropped Papa John like a hole in the head. He dropped him quick.
Starting point is 02:55:22 Peyton won the Super Bowl. I'm going to have me a beer and Budweiser and Papa john pizza and i'm like oh i better take that back yeah the papa john uh after he got fired uh this is years ago now this is more indiana shit he's from indiana too yeah he he he had that interview where he like cryptically was like they're like what happened and this is like what what occurred in that meeting he's like stay tuned there a reckoning is coming and he like used the word reckoning and like wait and stay tuned he was so bloated remember how bloated he was you know why he was bloated because the ingredients he was eating he was what did he say you remember that he's like i have eaten in the last few months and the quality of the
Starting point is 02:56:11 ingredients has dropped tremendously and he's like doing it from hospice like he was so shiny and bloated they it looked like they greased him up like a turkey and the interviewer was like, why the delay? Why don't you just set the record straight right now? Stay tuned. It was just like, nothing ever happened. I'm still tuned. It's just like...
Starting point is 02:56:35 They baited him into saying the N-word at a board meeting. And we can all... We've all been there before. He should not have been kicked from his pizza kingdom if they kick Papa John out of
Starting point is 02:56:52 Papa John's and they shouldn't be able to call it fucking Papa John's anymore one of them has to lose the name either he's no longer Papa John's or they aren't yeah I mean either way Papa John's has not been good for a good a while I had not too long ago i had some like cinnanox or some shit it was pretty good all the dessert delicious taylor you're
Starting point is 02:57:11 incredibly wrong there's not a fast food pizza place that i wouldn't wish i could eat right now oh i love pizza one slice there's a stack list where there's like four things above. The one with cheese in the crust, I'll admit, is at the top. I'm not even sure who that is. But Papa John's has the garlic butter shit that is sinfully delicious. Yeah. They have stuffed crust now, too.
Starting point is 02:57:38 What? Are you telling me I could dip a stuffed crust in fucking garlic butter? The future is now. Who cares about aliens? It's not like Papa John's has been striving. Dude, imagine if stuff like this
Starting point is 02:57:52 By the time this is over, one of us could use the Papa John's app and send Woody a pizza. That happens too often. You're telling me it's a pepperoni with stuffed crust and garlic butter. I mean, the garlic butter is the entire illusion
Starting point is 02:58:12 that Papa John's is... Any local pizza place is better than Papa John's. How is that... No, that is wildly untrue. That is so untrue. Local pizza places in New York york and new jersey which consider themselves good are absolute horseshit they are greasy they're terrible you hold the thing the cheese can slide off and definitely teaspoons of grease will drip off there are
Starting point is 02:58:36 people who think it's normal and routine to use napkins to just suck all the evil off of the pizza and then their technique for making it is so inconsistent and bullshit there are giant bubbles of like uncooked who knows what are overcooked or something and they're like no bubbles give the pizza character bubbles are the sign of an amateur chef i like the bubbles pizza expert i mean look out woody so when the papa john's pizza shows up and you get the garlic shit butter, do you throw away the peppercini? Does somebody knock that thing out? The little peppercini? I usually eat it.
Starting point is 02:59:12 The little banana pepper. Yeah, I eat that thing like it's a pickle. Yeah, they need to put more of them in there. They'll get it to you. But see, look at what we're talking about. We're talking about the nonsense they put in the box with the pizza. That's how bad the pizza is. They know that.
Starting point is 02:59:29 It's so long since I've had this pizza. I almost want to try it again now. I bet Papa John was 100% right about the ingredients. If anyone knows, it's the guy who makes the pizza. Because he had the body of someone who didn't just own Papa John's he lived it was in of course Jeffersonville Indiana and then of course we've got
Starting point is 02:59:53 creepy creepy subway Jared here so what else you want to talk about we've got the other heroes from whatever whatever who is that is his name jimmy's seville savel oh yeah the uk radio guy he was like a radio guy um almost a mr rogersy kind of guy i guess in the uk and yes i think it was after he died he would he had already died
Starting point is 03:00:21 and they discovered he was like a rampant pedophile. Like breaking records. You're right. It would be like finding out that Mr. Rogers touched every child that went on his show. There's no evidence you could show me that would make me believe that he was a sweet man. Yeah. I'm with you, Taylor. Yeah.
Starting point is 03:00:42 I loved Mr. Rogers as a kid. Oh, wait. I must have misheard you. I thought you said there's no evidence that could make you think he was a sweet man. That's what I heard. No, you said the opposite. Okay. I think he's a very sweet man.
Starting point is 03:00:52 I'm creeped out by the whole thing. I don't understand it. I don't understand why he'd work with children. Mr. Rogers? Taylor, haven't you told us a million times that people who seek out jobs that work with children are pedophiles? No, pedophiles are likely to seek out jobs where they get unfettered access to kids it's not that you want to be a teacher or a priest or mr rogers mr rogers mr rogers was like i fucking love kids wait i said that backwards i love fucking kids and he became mr rogers i think that's so long but i think he had a cool train and a whole city of puppets
Starting point is 03:01:21 I think that's totally wrong. I think he had a cool train and a whole city of puppets. But like Taylor, Kyle, and Filthy will probably have no idea. Woody and I would like Captain Kangaroo. Yes. You don't know who Captain Kangaroo is, you uneducated filth. I know who Captain Kangaroo is.
Starting point is 03:01:39 But it's only because I know movies and TV. He's a knockoff Mr. Rogers. And he was an ugly man. He was a rapist also? He was a very ugly man. Children didn't think that, Woody. I did. No's a knockoff Mr. Rogers. And he was an ugly man. He was a rapist also? He was a very ugly man. My children didn't think that, Woody. I did. No, as a child. They thought it was hot. Can we get a picture of Captain Kangaroo?
Starting point is 03:01:53 Yeah. Captain Kangaroo then kicked me down the road before we start figuring out more creepy bastards from Indiana. All right. Larry Bird. That's not much of a mustache. No, Larry Bird, yeah. So,
Starting point is 03:02:11 Captain Kangaroo. While he's looking for that, Travis, where can everybody find... There he is. There's the man himself. He looks just like that guy who was getting the succulent Chinese meal in Australia. Never.
Starting point is 03:02:24 Look at him. He's like, don't mind this rabbit I got on my hand here. I don't know. Who's the other two right there? I don't know. I don't either.
Starting point is 03:02:38 We got the random penguin in the background just chilling on a shelf. Looks like the kid from Deliverance with a Banjo grew up. This doesn't look like a very good show. It was a pretty fucking shitty show, honestly. Mr. Rogers blows the fucking seat off of this idiot. Well, and then
Starting point is 03:02:59 Woody and I would have grown up with the Banana Splits and all that shit was filmed in Ohio at King's Island. So that's creepy shit too. So, uh, and they sang some weird-ish Jackson five songs and it was just like, holy crap. What?
Starting point is 03:03:14 I don't remember the banana splits. I don't remember Donna and Marie. Yeah. Donnie and Marie. Donna and Marie would have been two chicks. Donnie and Marie. I, the Osmonds. Is that who it is Donnie and Marie. The Osmonds?
Starting point is 03:03:26 Yeah, the Osmonds. Two attractive people, brother and sister, singing to each other, seemingly in love. It's like the group Air Supply. They never sang to each other. They sang with each other. We're like, ooh.
Starting point is 03:03:41 Yeah. Your music references go way over my head. I'm not going to pick up your music references. They're too much for me. It's tough to know what's timeless and what isn't. Travis has got to head out. Travis, where can everybody find your channel, everything, your license plates? Yep.
Starting point is 03:03:56 So just simply celebritymachines.com and everything that ever had to do with every Hollywood license plate. If you have a friend or a fan that is a friend from Seinfeld, Jurassic Park, unfortunately, we are too. And so we make them all. But then just Retro DJ or Retro Disc Jockey on Instagram, you'll find me on Ben Wiki a lot because I have fun friends. And not quite as fun as Filthy, but we've only known each other for an hour. So I appreciate you dragging me on.
Starting point is 03:04:25 I hope you have me back again. And when we do next time, maybe we'll find some more terribly creepy Indiana stuff we can talk about. 100%. It's a tentpole. Nice meeting you, Travis. Nice to meet you, man. Thanks for coming on.
Starting point is 03:04:37 Thank you for coming on. It'll be my pleasure. Have a good one. See ya. So, Filthy, you are stepping up in the world. Look at this. Yes, look at that. The appearance of wealth.
Starting point is 03:04:49 Well, hold on, hold on. I can maybe just get the hands right in the way. Yeah, perfect. It's real. Look at this. And you got a baby grand in the corner. Where are you actually? In a basement in the dark.
Starting point is 03:05:00 In a dark basement. That's such the life of video games for a living. I'm in a comics box buried 15 meters below the earth. Yeah, it's, you know, it was a 100 today heat warning in Iowa. So, you know, with the AC on, what that means is it's a single zoned house,
Starting point is 03:05:19 which means the basement is freezing fucking cold. So I'm in like a sweater and like jeans and it's a you know it's the life of a streamer what can you do what uh what games are you super into right now what are you playing balder's gate 3 comes out august 3rd and i'm super super excited about that have you played the other uh the first two because kyle and i have been looking to jump into that series i know although it's a totally different company right so this is dos dos unless you're talking dos 1 dos 2 as prequels to balder's gate from larian are you talking the original balder's I know, although it's a totally different company, right? So this is DOS, DOS, unless you're talking DOS 1, DOS 2
Starting point is 03:05:45 as prequels to Baldur's Gate from Larian. Are you talking the original Baldur's Gate or are you talking the company that makes it? I didn't know that Baldur's Gate 1 and 2 is a different company than 3. Yeah. Oh, is that causing you like excitement or worry that it won't be as good?
Starting point is 03:05:59 I'm kind of hit or miss on Larian's previous stuff. DOS has a lot of, has a really big fan following. It's, they're kind of very campy humor and i didn't really like their combat system as much but balder's gate 3 is going to be doing dnd combat it's just 5e combat right with some homebrew stuff so it will be very similar in terms of all the systems that i play a million other million other places and i'm super excited about the depth of the game everything i've seen from it looks really good so far so they can fuck it up like 12 classes maybe and then yeah i just did all my class reviews 12 classes 48 total subclasses uh yeah it's gonna be fun it's gonna be turn-based right yeah turn-based combat yeah
Starting point is 03:06:35 i like that that's that's gonna be such a fun change of pace and it's gonna make the moves and the text that you choose and your progression more important it's gonna be fun we've been playing the opposite of turn based i'm playing diablo 4 which is just mash everything hack and slash with magic yeah that's it i played through that a little bit i think i have a character at 80 or something but i got really bored with that game real quick oh shit yeah you played a little bit 80 uh yeah 80 is a ton um at season one just came out i took the first character like 83 and i'm on my second character on season 1. I'm like 50s,
Starting point is 03:07:07 55 or something. I didn't even touch the first season. I heard that they basically hadn't made any of the changes that the community had been really asking for after release for season 1. If I do touch it again, it'll probably be season 2. How are you finding season 1 yourself? I like the hearts. I like collecting the hearts. I like grinding
Starting point is 03:07:24 for them because some of them do substantially crazy things uh just turn your character make your character three times stronger than he was before and it's kind of wild to to like do that stuff so i'm enjoying that right now doing nightmare dungeons just grinding i love the idea of that right the aspects are super cool so like the idea of like uh you could shoot you could build any skill combination you wanted to build the character that you wanted then tweak it with these crazy aspects and stack it all to make these super strong synergies it sounded really really fun but in reality it didn't seem to work out that way it seemed to be a much more limited number
Starting point is 03:07:54 of builds are actually viable the classes weren't well balanced amongst themselves so that like it just felt bad playing some classes this type of stuff just when i would look at like when i was starting i'm like i want to do a necromancer minion build that seems so fun and like that's what i ended up doing but like i had to look through like multiple different youtube videos for builds where they're like so the first thing you want to do is don't do this build and do bone spear because the minions aren't viable and it's like so that oh the necromancer character that is a necromancer can't use minions uh no that's ridiculous like you so you're right the whole thing is raising the dead and having like a follower army it's a necromancer he shouldn't
Starting point is 03:08:30 know what the sorcerer yeah the necromancer raises the undead to fight for him whatever you are you're like a wannabe you know it's like you're the kid who thinks he's got dark magic because like you don't have any minions you're just running around and you're like you're just throwing spears yeah you're just a better sorcerer at this point. You're a barbarian, really. You're just a poor man's barbarian just throwing spears. Yeah, it's a fun game. I'm still going to keep playing Diablo. And maybe it was Kyle who said this,
Starting point is 03:08:53 or someone said that they are prioritizing playtime over player base or something. Or maybe, who knows, maybe that's public cope to rationalize the fact their player base is dying. But my friends who are normal people who have like you know kids obligations like they don't have the time to grind shit like this almost to a t every one of them was furious about the season one thing and was like are you fucking kidding me like i i have three kids like i can't just start a new thing and do this and like i just didn't care well but they want to play with their friends who
Starting point is 03:09:25 are on the new server, and they can. And so it feels literally as you spend a lot of hours doing this, and then it's unless you jump in again, you can't play with your buddies. That I understand. It's like, yeah, that's what kind
Starting point is 03:09:41 of game this is. Rust is like that. Tarkov is like that. People don't like that T tarkov wipes and and they're going to eventually go to a system on tarkov where you have a forever universe uh where you have your main character or at least a character who always keeps his stuff and it never wipes you can go play there and then you're going to continue to have these seasonal characters i mean i i like that i i like the the the get back in there and grind for it again because the early early early mid game when you're making these big strides forward is a lot of fun to me late game when you're just grinding and that xp bar just barely moves it can be a little a little much the the early days on a new character when you're when every
Starting point is 03:10:23 time you play an hour, you get tremendously better and learn new talents and stuff. That's a lot of fun. I've never played a D&D sort of the combat system that you're talking about that you say you're so familiar with. I'm not at all. So I'm looking forward to getting into
Starting point is 03:10:40 it. I've never done any sort of D&D based anything. But it'll be fun i i guess what was was there a controversy about boulders gate about it being woke or uh or something like what was that about someone said there was a bear fucking scene i heard that i haven't seen one way or the other i don't i don't i don't know if that is woke it seems seems... Sounds like a joke to me. It seems like a joke. No idea.
Starting point is 03:11:09 Joe Rogan, you gotta fuck that man. I don't really care, honestly. It's supposed to be an RPG story-driven kind of thing where you're choosing your character's actions. I would just probably not choose that action personally. I would choose not to fuck the bear, yes. When the option comes comes up fuck bear
Starting point is 03:11:25 or not i'd be like not you know what on this character let's fuck the bear you know come back ah fuck it killed me wait a second you wouldn't fuck the bear well i would a hundred percent if you get it might even get worse than that let's imagine there's a bear fucking scene there's a character um one of the so you only make one character and then you you uh kind of add companions to your party later on and you can respect them that kind of stuff later but you're you have one kind of origin character like the main character rather you're playing that origin main character you're playing right and you make this decision one of the types of characters that you can play is a dark urge character which is this character that's good like these it's like like basically it's like
Starting point is 03:12:04 like a psychopathic kind of um urges to like kill things kind of deal right one of these deals it's like the drive so there's going to be voice acted you're going to have different ways to deal with it etc maybe that character with the bear fucking scene it gets even worse i don't know like i don't know how dark they went with this maybe it's like maybe he bottoms for the bear hopefully not i'd be okay with that like if you bought him for like what does a bear dick look like it probably has barbs on it or something you ever seen a pig's penis how it's like it's like a corkscrew i haven't yeah it's like it's what goes in it fucking wait no are you thinking of a duck no that may be true for a duck i know
Starting point is 03:12:42 cats have a barbed penis the The animal kingdom is a horrific place. It is terrible. It's like, and you look at the animal kingdom, every penis is made to ensure the ability to rape. Yeah. Like, that's how the animal kingdom is. Would you stand up to it? That's how the entire orangutan species is promulgated,
Starting point is 03:13:00 is the females see the male and swing away as fast as they can and that ensures only the spriest orangutan it's aerodynamic penis that's correct it's probably like dolphins right retractable so it's like no drags for the water so you know i can see that dude imagine how much of a feature that would be a retractable dick and balls for when you're doing athletic endeavors balls for when you're doing athletic endeavors. Y'all don't? You've had this the whole time? Yeah, mine are all... I've got an
Starting point is 03:13:29 innie. Y'all got outies of all of you? You just got outies. Damn. That would suck. Same old story again. Story again. It's stuck in a group.
Starting point is 03:13:45 I was looking at his little acorn at the bottom of his torso in the words of Steve Brule. I've been googling bear penis since we brought it up. I think they have bones. Bones? Some penis, like whale penises. A lot of sea animals have actual bones
Starting point is 03:14:04 in their dicks. They said that looking at the fossils penis, like whale penises. A lot of sea animals have actual bones in their dicks, I think. They said that looking at the fossils of older bears implied long-lasting sex sessions. Through fossil I don't think long-lasting sex sessions have ever been a thing in the wild. They're trying to boom, boom.
Starting point is 03:14:21 Because the longer the penis, the longer the sex session, because it could be broken off in a quick session that was violent. So you need a small penis. The rapier you are, the smaller the penis. That's evolution.
Starting point is 03:14:35 You know, I'm catching strays here. Yes. The rapier they are, the smaller the penis. I think orangutans have really little dicks. That checks out. Chimpanzees love to rape. little really little dicks that checks out i hear you love to rape they have little dicks jared fogel little dick and he did jared fogel have a little dick he did we're just we're spreading misinformation potentially no potentially what's he gonna do call us a liar like like he's he's kind of got his hands full these days yeah our previous guest i'm a very interesting man lots of like accolades and accomplishments and
Starting point is 03:15:05 such but randomly came up good personal friend with jared fogel going to see him in prison in a couple of weeks um like lives a couple miles from him they went on trips together he was he jared asked him before during and after the arrest just so we're all clear oh wait after yeah his friend before during and after he's going i guess now yeah they're hanging out he kind of cut ties with immediately he went to his house and they put their phone did you all right maybe i misread or misunderstood i wanted he said he went to jared's house and they both put their phones on in the kitchen and then they went somewhere else and had a
Starting point is 03:15:47 conversation. Oh, I interpreted that to be with his parents. Did I misread that was happening? I interpreted that to be he went and had a one-on-one with Jared Fogle about, hey man, how did I not catch on to this? How did I not know that you were paying 15-year-old girls? That guy's a great friend. I would love to
Starting point is 03:16:04 have him in my corner. I think Kyle hit the reality there. I don't know why. That guy's a great friend i would love to have him in my corner yeah i think kyle i think kyle hit the the reality i don't know why how i got that guy's a real good friend i saw that's what i'll say um you know um i wouldn't i wouldn't want to hang out with jared fogel i would love to hang out with jared fogel and i would you ask him if he's one question in front of the phone one question no phones which what are they going to be my first question i want to know what kind of discount he was getting on those subway sandwiches if he like walked into one off the street does he have the card where it's like give it to me this is jared give him free sandwiches to say that oh yeah 100 he had that uh i know that he had he was making like lots of money like 10 15 million plus or something over the years. Subway took care of him. But the main thing is
Starting point is 03:16:47 why? Why the children, Jared? Why the children? He was doing so well with the sandwiches and then he molested those kids and now he's in jail. You had that episode of South Park. That was fun. He didn't have anything to do with that. They made it about him, but he didn't have anything to do with that.
Starting point is 03:17:04 I guess it was more about him than him being involved. I guess I never really... They didn't get him as a voice actor because every voice in South Park is the same two guys. That's where our guest was wrong, though. He does have a future as soon as he's out. I would absolutely watch the Jared Fogle show. I would watch his videos.
Starting point is 03:17:18 I would follow his social media. I'd want to know what he was up to. I'd want to know what happened in there. Being a famous child. You and all the parents in the neighborhood. Oh, everyone. Well, he'll be registered. They'll let us know what he's up to on a day-to-day basis.
Starting point is 03:17:32 It won't be on Twitter, though. I'd watch. I'd watch. I'd want to know. I want to know how he survived in there, if he does. What if he's excellent? Not over yet. What if he's like, what if he gets out?
Starting point is 03:17:46 What if he gets out of jail and he's like the best Fortnite player? He's just slaughtering Ninja. He's found another way to like this son of a bitch weaseled his way back in to be around kids. He's just doing what he can. Yeah. I don't think he's's gonna get another job as a food actually what what restaurant would jimmy john would use jared fogel yeah get him right
Starting point is 03:18:12 back in the sandwich business chuckie cheese that's good i've been out of the sandwich game when david or david buster yeah it could be dav's. It could be like, it's not just for kids. Come on down. Oh. Come on down and attack me. I'm here. I'm here. Come on down Friday nights. And at the end of every, like, Friday nights where you get 25% off our super pizza.
Starting point is 03:18:38 And bring your kids. Yeah. 25% and 50% off the age of consent. And bring your kids. He's just very direct about you need to bring your kids to get those discounts. It's the only way it works. I think he's not going to get hired.
Starting point is 03:18:53 I think he's probably not. Does he need to work again after that? You think like legal fees, etc.? Like has he lost this money in some way? If he made that much money, does he need to go back to work? I bet he still has enough. I bet his wife took a considerable chunk and you
Starting point is 03:19:06 know just needed to put a decent investment in the s&p 500 and have it compound for the 21 years he was in prison he'll come out a wealthy man nah he can do it in 11 years he needs to watch my get rich slow in 22 years he needs to know first steps first jimmy do you know any young girls i'm gonna set you up with free room and board for the next two decades while your money grows. It's like cred maxing, except you become a pedophile. That's part of the Sam Hyde program. I step on the cred max and then move on. Step on cred max.
Starting point is 03:19:41 Ruin your credit for effort. Oh, I want to talk to you about 60 days in but like since we're kind of tangentially talking about prison and shit okay new season covid ruined the last season it was unwatchable because no i don't know the show at all can you give me like the two second premise of it yeah yeah yeah so they go to the scariest least functional jails in the, in the country. And they throw in contestants there. Now they tell the regular inmates, Hey,
Starting point is 03:20:14 we're a documentary or we're with PBS or we're with the better prisons Bureau or whatever they say, but they say, we're here to film. We're going to interviewing. We're going to interview some of you. There's cameras here. Cameraman will move through the pod. They give an excuse,
Starting point is 03:20:22 but secretly they have stuck in in half a dozen regular Joes who are being paid, I don't know, like $3,000 a week to go to prison for 60 days. And sometimes it's pretty sketchy. They don't fit in well. Sometimes it'll be a nerdy white guy in a room full of black dudes, and they're just not meshing well. They do it on purpose.
Starting point is 03:20:48 They do it on purpose. My favorite story of all time is frequently they will load the deck against themselves first. They send pussies in because they want to see meltdowns. The pussies all quit. Like six out of nine quit. So then they go to the ringers this is tyrone he did 22 years in federal prison for for armed robbery tyrone's like yeah some of
Starting point is 03:21:13 for the next two months whatever he's so scary that he goes to their scary jail and loans someone a soup, like a ramen noodle packet. They can't pay him back. Again, he is a contestant. He says, he's outside their cell. He can't get to them. The door's locked. He's like, give me your fucking pants then, pussy.
Starting point is 03:21:38 Give me your fucking pants. And the dude takes his pants off and feeds them under the door. Tyrone takes those fucking pants and now they're his pants. He's made under the door tyrone takes those fucking pants and now they're his pants he's made the debt right that guy goes and says he fears for his life in the pod and goes to a safety pod somewhere in fear of their ringer contestant this season same thing it's a little bit of an issue. So for the first week, it's hell that you're in there.
Starting point is 03:22:05 You're in a pod 23 hours a day with a stranger. Usually, if you're getting thrown in, it's your first week. A lot of these people are coming off drugs. Now, if it's weed, who cares? But most of them are coming off serious drugs. This guy has the most awful diarrhea in the toilet three feet away from our contestant. He goes, sorry, bro. Gotta go. the most awful diarrhea in the toilet three feet away from our contestant and he goes sorry bro gotta go and and and the camera's right there like you're watching this guy take a shit
Starting point is 03:22:32 and he wipes and like looks at it and then smells it and like throws it away the contestant is wrapped up like a mummy mummy. He's in the corner of the spell. He's just up on the ground. He's in the fetal position, face in the corner, wrapped up with all the cloth he has. And this man is violently shitting. And you have to take your jumpsuit all the way off. You're like George Costanza.
Starting point is 03:22:57 You're naked in there. You have to come completely out of this thing, the white. And you're in there for a week with whoever they throw you in there with crazy psychopathic people screaming and coming off drugs then finally you get to go to gin pop and it's just a bore taylor we would be the toughest guys there okay i'm not saying we'd be the most likely to intimidate somebody but if there was an arm wrestling contest one of us is going to come out on top and and our and our and our gay contestant is just being weird standing out
Starting point is 03:23:33 and and they've they're hyping this other black guy up to be this the big bad and i'm like this is just a kid who wants to like get on tv he's jumping around and clapping and stuff and having a good time it's it's so shit right now. Everybody quit. Everybody quit. This one guy, he does nothing but smile. He's like, yeah, you don't know what it's like until you get in there. He wants people to go, yeah, man, it's okay.
Starting point is 03:23:56 We understand. But he was talking so much shit beforehand. I'm built for this. I'm built different. You don't understand. One of those every season. The streets i'm from the neighborhood i grew up in the people like and just all these things about him that make him the guy who's bred for this built for this born for this and he's right away scared scared because they're in a pod like a dormitory and everybody can just walk around and if somebody wants to
Starting point is 03:24:23 get you they can just get you. There's no getting around that. Because we're all just hanging out in a big room together. And there's no guards. I think it's season six of that show that the first five seasons were in not as wild of a prison. And then I think it was season six, they switched to a much, much more intense prison. An Atlanta prison that's known for being raucous.
Starting point is 03:24:44 And I guess that wasn't a huge part of the like intro sheet of like we're doing it at a different prison or the people you know they don't know they don't think in their head they're like it's going to be similar to all the other seasons of the show and it was elena was three to four well then it was over six was and these people went in and usually like on all the other seasons there'd be like a almost like a fact finding phase where the the people in prison are like i don't know about this guy i don't ever want to talk to him i almost have a feeling that he's a plant that he's fake like they're almost scoping it out in this one people would walk in and like people are gibbering in the
Starting point is 03:25:22 corner they're screaming like there's like a guy walks in and someone walks in. He's like, get me a mattress. And it's like, he's just like screaming at him. And it's like, you've been in there for 35 seconds. And someone is, someone gets kicked and like chooses to leave. Dude, season seven is McDonough, Georgia. I used to live like, I mean, like two years ago, I was there, basically. Like I'm like three miles from the place.
Starting point is 03:25:46 No, I've been Atlanta for like half a decade now. Um, at least, right. It's been a while anyway. Um, I'm really liking this, uh, this season as much. I hate watch it. I'll admit because I think that they're all pussies because they're scared of nothing. Cause the situation is that everybody's just in here. There aren't any violent people.
Starting point is 03:26:08 You don't see anybody being like, I just hurt somebody. I want to steal. I want to take and bully. No one has that attitude. And that's the problem that you don't want. Everybody's just chilling in their mattresses. It looks just like a summer camp with a bunch of boys. I think they might have a foosball table.
Starting point is 03:26:23 They're goofing around and partying and having a good time um it's not a scary ass jail the women's side is scary the women are nasty bitches and they're scary and some of them are scary like they're screaming scary that if you're in a woman's prison you're a god right you could beat up six of them at a time you're not concerned well there are women contestants on the women's side obviously this is hypothetical this is like you're saying they're scary well i wouldn't want to be in a yeah sure i suppose but i'm talking about like for the contestants you know there's ladies stuck over there with scary women for them it's scary because they're in that 24-hour lockdown and they just sort of crazy bitch and
Starting point is 03:27:01 jen pop going like i know when you get out i'm gonna be waiting for you when you get out you just wait you know she's clapping and snapping her fingers and stuff lots of lots of cultural cues that i'm not too familiar with it's scary cultural cues familiar with that's fine yeah that is a show that i would never want to participate in because i really i kept thinking, like, I should have just fucking... I'd have done this season, no problem. How much did I pay you? You should do it. You've got experience.
Starting point is 03:27:30 They give you like 50 grand for the two months. 60 days, yeah. It's almost $1,000 a day. So pretty, pretty solid. What do you do for that money, Kyle? I think it... See, here's the problem. You don't know where you're going.
Starting point is 03:27:44 If I knew that you were going to where they are right now yeah i'd do that because it looks super duper easy it really looks like a lot a lighter version than what i already did it it looks like um and plus you get to have the fun of being on the tv show and playing that silly game like that would keep you entertained and knowing that you have a whole safety net around you and none of it's real, you wouldn't be all, I'm going to have some fun here. I don't know. I think I'm going to try to
Starting point is 03:28:11 trick some of these guys into some extra charges or something. Who knows? I want to say, yeah, I'd do it. A thousand bucks a day. That'd be fun. I could do this. I'd just keep my nose open. But I feel like that's a little me like billy badass and you know if i was there i'd have taken out that bully and taught him a lesson and
Starting point is 03:28:32 then you're actually in that situation and you don't so i don't know yeah but i i like to think that i would do this and i would be fine you're you're a strong person like all around and like physical discomfort and mental stuff wouldn't like it would get to you but you wouldn't break like some these people break so fast like i went through all that nonsense for the through the legal system from beginning to end i never cried in front of those people i never like i never cried in a fucking police car no way i would cry in jail or prison you don't cry in any of those places and you see these guys fucking tearing up and shit and like getting scared. And these are just people like you.
Starting point is 03:29:08 Like they're not animals. It really isn't like that mental asylum sort of image you have from TV or movies where someone's gibbering and there's weapons and drugs and like a whole system going on. Just seem like people hanging out in jail. It really reminded me of summer camp that I never went to. Do you ever go to a summer camp? Yeah, sure. What's that like? I went to computer
Starting point is 03:29:33 camp and I learned to program during the day, but it was a larger facility where other people did normal summer camp where they learned knots and shit. I also did Boy Scout camps, but the one i'm thinking of in computer camp we were kind of mocked by the cooler camps like it if people found out you were there for computer camp then you would look down upon i certainly didn't get any girls at computer camp but like they had different wristbands that let you do different things
Starting point is 03:30:07 like because there was a swimming proficiency test at the start of it and uh like no one else in computer camp was allowed to like roam the whole fucking lake except me um and they were all they like it was just no no one from computer camp could like get deeper than their knees and they're like you're from computer camp oh yeah i don't know yes um you've always been like you were the only guy in it that owned a mouth guard you know what's the age of that roughly buddy say that again how old were you roughly when you did that i called me 10 10 okay so no the closest thing i ever did to a summer camp was so many events in my life happened because like a rant we were around some people in a random
Starting point is 03:30:54 conversation happened and i just went with it so i was like hey would you like to do that car i was like sign me up just just i'm at that fucking christian camp Christian camp and the super wow event oh my god how did I end up there I thought about the other day the steps that happened I think I was my dad was visiting his friend and his son was going and someone probably
Starting point is 03:31:17 said like in the movies and the kid just rolls her eyes but Kyle you should go to that camp at Jekyll Island wouldn't you like to go and I was probably like sure it's just not thinking and there I was super well oh just a week but okay the bus ride there from northeast Georgia to Jekyll Island I remember that being awful like that it was so slow it wasn't a bus it was a van just so we're clear um with those bench seats in the back and i just got there and there's nothing to do i had been promised water parks and fucking water gun fights and that was so hyped up in my head they were like yeah we have big water gun
Starting point is 03:31:56 fight that's the only reason i went the only i remember now i was like how was the fight they got mad at me because i put warm water in my gun and he was wearing an expensive lacoste shirt and his hot water got on his fancy shirt and they all yelled at me an adult i spread an adult with what i put warm water in my water gun and they got mad and the part and the water gun fight was ruined that's terrible but i don't understand why warm water is so but i don't understand either of course i was only 12. i did a couple christian camps but they were only a weekend like a friday to sunday kind of thing and it was just straight up christian indoctrination. They tricked us because I was a stupid child into behaving like,
Starting point is 03:32:47 hey, hey, I know you want to stay up at night and sneak over to the girls' cabin. Not tonight. That's really a tomorrow night activity. And I'm like, all right, fine. I get it. Yeah, tomorrow night, trust me, we'll be out cold. They were not. They were not.
Starting point is 03:33:02 And I didn't ever kiss any girls. Yeah, we didn't do any of that we went to church every day uh we went to and by the way church was man i'm bad at judging crowd sizes but a mega you've seen mega churches one of those slap on tv it felt like there were 5 000 of us in there singing minimal wow and uh but we did have fun we went to the water park and had an awkward time there and then um we had uh we had you know the water gun fight that i ruined i spent so i spent like 80 of my week's money on a water gun i got like the fanciest water gun money could buy and it was and that that really ruined the trip for me that song lean Me, that was doing a comeback. I think somebody remade it and it got popular.
Starting point is 03:33:46 And the priest loved it. So he did his own Lean on Me lyrics, but he ad-libbed it and made it about Jesus. It was like, you fucking suck. Are you talking about remaking good songs into Jesus songs? Summer camps. I got into my
Starting point is 03:34:04 St. Peter's Youth weekend getaways thing. Yeah, they went to summer camps and we i got into my like saint peter's youth weekend getaways things yeah they went to summer camps i went to a couple summer camps but not regularly i went to one sports camp when i was 18 or so 17 and it was over the summer and it was like just a couple weeks i think and it was like you could pick a sport and do it there and this entire camp has since been shut down for like i think a lot of violations and problems could be it was the it was the the fogel camp of central missouri and i remember like taking a big bite of a sandwich one day it was supposed to be a chicken sandwich and it was cold raw on the inside and there was no more food to go get and so i just like didn't eat there and like you could pick i didn't know the camp at all like before we had to pick like a sport to do
Starting point is 03:34:51 and obviously i picked hockey and no shit like we would have to go from the camp every day like 50 minutes away close to where i lived to go to a hockey rink to play and then to go back to this shit tier camp and it was it was awful i hated camp did you play goalie at that camp yes yeah and so and also like it's really annoying as a goalie sometimes because i'll be like all right just uh skate sticks gloves and helmet for all the people but Taylor because you still have to get dressed entirely. And it's like, well, okay, so I'm going to be the sweatiest, the stinkiest, the only one actually working. And that's the actual truth of fucking hockey camps
Starting point is 03:35:35 where nobody's really worrying about getting better is the goalie's the only one working. Everyone else there was just practicing dangles and taking way too long to shoot. And then the other guy would be coming up right behind him. Woody knows. You don't wait until you don't do breakaways on a drill when you're supposed to be shooting from the top of the fucking circle. It sucks because I don't play organized hockey.
Starting point is 03:35:54 When do I practice my breakaways? I want to practice. Look, I don't need practice taking slap shots from the blue line. I can do that, and I'm not getting any better. What I'd like to do is dangle the goalie, the goalies are always like i choose not to participate you can score but it doesn't count because i didn't try it doesn't count i would do that sometimes like if someone just pissing me off but to like help you kyle in a baseball comparison like imagine you were practicing being catcher and i was pitching to you and then woody would pitch and then filthy
Starting point is 03:36:23 would pitch and imagine we're all good pitchers. And you're going, all right, every five seconds, throw me a pitch. And I go, I'm going to wait until the 4.98 second to throw mine, and then Woody's going to throw on the start of his, because Woody's going to go by the rules and throw to give himself enough time or you enough time to get ready for the third guy for Filthy. But I ruin it by taking all my time up so now you've got two balls right next to each other coming towards you and you can't actually practice it's no good no it's not don't you just ignore one of the shooters like ignore a skater it ruins it for him trust me it's awful yeah i
Starting point is 03:37:02 would i would usually just ignore the worst player because i mean i'm trying to practice too i want that i want to stop the better shots ideally man i'm so glad i don't have to do that ever again woody i got some i got a ufc thing um tony ferguson is fighting bobby green this saturday tony ferguson dug up one of them. Yes. Tony Ferguson for, for the uninitiated once, uh, uh, an interim belt holder, you know,
Starting point is 03:37:31 um, um, many times lined up to fight for the championship at 155 pounds for a long time, considered to be one of the top two, if not top three greatest one 55ers alive, is on like a four-fight skid, maybe getting smashed every time, bloody, beaten, battered, stopped,
Starting point is 03:37:51 and he's back again. Yeah, that was a fantastic knockout where he took off into space like a cartoon character. Michael Chandler giving him the what for. Justin Gaethje beat him much worse than that. If I had to pick my druthers, I'd take that beating over thein gaethje justin gaethje beat him much worse than that if i had to pick my druthers i'd take that beating over the justin gaethje beating because gaethje hit him in the face as hard as he could for like 15 20 minutes it was who's this guy who's the guy kicking right
Starting point is 03:38:14 now michael chandler um he's fighting this week just um our boy melt faces and he was telling this story in the press conference he's like you, I've been doing this different training. I've been up at Big Bear. I've been in the forests. We were out there the other day. We were camping. People don't know this about me. I'm a tracker. It was a bear. They've been stalking us. I thought, you know what? Let's turn the tables. There I am, tracking the bear. I'm not a hunter. I don't like to kill. It's like track. They're like, Tony, when you're tracking this bear, you got a weapon or something? And Tony reaches down and pulls out a karambit out of his shoe,
Starting point is 03:38:51 which, if you don't know, is that knife that looks like a velociraptor claw. And he throws it on the table and goes, shades and blades, baby. That's how I roll. That's a karambit, yeah. He's got one just like that. He pulls that out. I don't want to hunt a bear with that though. We all got one of these many years ago. I wouldn't want Tony
Starting point is 03:39:13 Ferguson to attack me with that. That's all I'm saying. I believe, you give me a karambit, I could anger a bear. No one has ever survived a Tony Ferguson attack with a karambit. People survive bears all the fucking time. I'd rather get stabbed by a regular knife. That one's
Starting point is 03:39:30 worse somehow. Because I feel like that one is going to be like, and it's going to go right through your stomach and you're going to look down and all your guts are going to come out. Which has got to be such a terrible way to go. I saw a guy get disemboweled the other day. You shouldn't watch those videos, man. I mean, you don't know what's going to happen until you watch the bomb fall.
Starting point is 03:39:47 Dude, if I see a video from you where there's a bunch of people in military garb in the still in our WhatsApp, I do not click it. Because I know. Bro, you should have clicked that one. Let me tell you what he's referring to. It's like six guys wearing army helmets in the back of a vehicle. You click play on that motherfucker and you realize they're hauling ass through a Russianussian field and it's not full of ukrainians it's full of american and australians and the australian is getting them piped he's like let's get in there boys let's kill those fucking cunts and they and the music goes which is like hardcore Seinfeld for some reason now. And they all jump out.
Starting point is 03:40:30 What's the deal with Vladimir Putin? Where's all this money going? It's all getting to the war front. It's being laundered. People. That's a good sign. The gold standard. The gold standard. Money's not real.
Starting point is 03:40:53 It's not real. Jeremy, none of that money's even getting there. I don't see the gory ones, but I did click one the other day. The Russian ate the first one in the dick. And I'm sure it blew his dick off. And then the second one he ate right to like the middle of his stomach chest area.
Starting point is 03:41:11 And it blew all of his guts out. And he was very much still alive. It was rough. Yeah, I don't want to see that. I've seen rough deaths. I thought grenade. Where are you? Why are you watching them like what is
Starting point is 03:41:26 combat footage ukraine video report are you ukraine ukraine 2020 i am addicted to following the ukrainian war i watch russian and ukrainian propaganda channels and try to like find a balance of that and um along with that you see a bunch of bunch of engagements and what it's like to take a trench, what it's like to own a tree line, to lose a tree line, to take rubble, destroyed cities, etc. And before, I didn't know what grenades were. In movies, they're noteworthy explosives. It turns out they're just shrapnel delivery devices. That's what grenades are really about. There's some explosion if you're literally laying on it, but mostly it's kind of like a shotgun that goes in every direction at once,
Starting point is 03:42:12 I think. Yep. And much like, I guess now knowing that, that it's a shrapnel delivery device, it just wrecks your arm, wrecks your chest. It does not insta kill like an explosion does you are you
Starting point is 03:42:28 just have 17 bad wounds now and i think it out oftentimes you bleed out oftentimes maybe your lungs don't breathe anymore but i'm watching a 90 second video and i can't tell that yet i just know you're suffering and it's i've seen shit i'm an internet veteran you know i i've watched gory shit for 25 years now more than that and uh the ukrainian war has like hardened me it's yeah i'll occasionally click one, and when I see what's about to happen, I'll yell. Like, I just stubbed my toe or something and turn the phone away and flick it away. Not throw it, but, like, cast it away from my gaze and look away. I was like, ah! Remember that footage that, like, emotionally wounded all of us i think it's in russia
Starting point is 03:43:26 and someone's getting murdered and it happens slowly and like first they stab him with the screwdriver like in the belly and it's like oh no this is terrible but it's not permanent yet and it's like a 20 minute video and it's like they stab him in the chest and they take out an eye and then eventually i think they're hammering his skull and it's like there's no coming back from this now just end it you know like it he should have died five minutes ago but this is just a slow terrible torturous death i feel like i see the ukrainian equivalent of that you you what am i saying russo-ukrainian war equivalent of that almost daily almost daily i see people die in ways that horrific yeah awful
Starting point is 03:44:07 awful um pain not good to be watching that all the time well you know you need to be ready for because it's coming taylor i'm gonna tell you when the aquatic emotional weightlifting you're gonna find out why the presidents haven't been coming forward every time they hear about the aliens are telling us all about it because when the aquatics rise, you're going to fight a war way worse than that. Way worse than that. Those blue whales can walk. Those whales can walk. You're fucked. I'm ready. I've been training since
Starting point is 03:44:33 I was a young man. If blue whales were some sort of... You've been training to watch Taylor get horribly murdered by the aliens and not be bothered by it. You'll be like, oh, it's so bad. I'm ready for that. You'd find a video of me being murdered by an alien and you'd send it to the chat.
Starting point is 03:44:52 I'm ready for it. I'd be dead. I'd be dead. Probed to bits and my phone is buzzing on the forest floor. Double crying emoji. Taylor dead. D-E-D. Taylor, if that happens to you, I promise floor because the double crying emoji like double crying emoji taylor dead d.e.d. lulls dead taylor if that happens to you i promise i'll tweet it okay everyone tweeted it yeah you
Starting point is 03:45:13 can't have any weak nerve nor fear when uh you know when it's when you face off against the aquatics because you know they they just they don't have the same central nervous system as us they don't they don't have any we dominate dude system as us. They don't have any pity. We dominate, dude. They would come into our domain. It's like thinking that we could go beat them in the sea. No way. Your domain, huh? It's interesting.
Starting point is 03:45:31 Our domain has been changing rapidly over the last hundred years, it seems. It's almost like they've been changing it until they were ready to come forth again. They needed it warmer. They wanted it to be 101 degrees at 10 p.m. in Missouri for some reason. You know what? It's so hot you know what makes them the steroids for them are fucking microplastics and they've been in the ocean just slowly gathering strength you know what really crude oil and microplastics are their fuels they're just down there just like arnold and pumping iron just doing all sorts of
Starting point is 03:46:04 poses at each other down there they were just eating krill until they got all that free energy in the gulf and then they utilized it they brought it down figured out i mean oil comes from the bottom of the sea too they would have oil right yeah i gave you a couple movie recommendations what did you actually end up watching uh i watched the reanimator uh the first one the horror movie that um is absurd yeah it's absurd kyle was like look up this one for a goofy horror and so i looked it up and it's basically this silly nonsense about some mostly bad actors trying to discern how long a brain can live when oxygen starved and there is there's like a very minor part of the film to establish conflict between the new fang like the new like young scientist and the old traditional
Starting point is 03:46:52 scientist on this and the old scientist is like the brain can live six to twelve minutes without oxygen and the young guy walks and he's like that'd be interesting if any of it were true and like just like very much like that's all they needed to show for that these guys have four or five debates about six to twelve minutes the number throughout the movie where i'm like did who wrote this like again again we're talking about six to twelve minutes it's important i know but it's funny that they had the same conversation. And they had this to me. You're like, you'll see if they have a nudity in it.
Starting point is 03:47:31 And I'm like, I see some tits. I don't think that's what you mean. You're like, oh, well, tell me if they have the head rape scene. And they do. There's a there's a. Hey, let's see if either of them can guess. He told you head rape, but you have no idea what he's even talking about. Guess what happens during the head rate.
Starting point is 03:47:48 You grab the lady who has two ponytails and you fuck her skull. Not even close. This is a test subject for the oxygen trials here. Someone rapes a disembodied head that's trying to be held without oxygen.
Starting point is 03:48:10 You're close, but you got the script flipped my friend so you got this this guy's head gets cut off but he's been injected with a reanimator serum so his body comes over and picks the head up and starts walking around with it and and the bed still there are two different individuals now essentially the body is sort of its own guy and they have the hottie of the movie tied to this uh bed naked and like like full frontal bush and everything and the head is taking the the body is taking his head in his hands and making it like lick her titties and go down on her and stuff and she's and it's ridiculous and just as it's about to eat her pussy the hero shows up he puts stopped all that well he didn't get there in time because well there's like two minutes of that head thing in the head because he was like the the disembodied head was
Starting point is 03:49:01 like talking to the woman like as he's like molesting her and he's like i've always admired your beauty and it's like and he's just rubbing his dead head on her head had had ponytails i would have been closer yeah it's his friend's daughter there's like there's a whole age gap thing and like a creepy uncle thing um The girl from that is in that other movie I recommended to you. She gets pretty naked in that one too. That one is way crazier. It's got Jeffrey Combs in it. What's it called?
Starting point is 03:49:32 Not the house, the other one. It's the first one I recommended where it's got Jeffrey Combs in it. It's the one where that gross protrusion comes out of the center of their heads. Oh, I need to watch that one. Anyway, the chick gets in a whole dominatrix outfit
Starting point is 03:49:50 in that one. She's very attractive, that lady. I don't know her name. I'll find the name of it. No, that's a great movie. The House is another one. The House is very funny and scary at the same time. He's like a Vietnam vet moving into a haunted house, and he has both like vietnam scary
Starting point is 03:50:06 flashbacks juxtaposed with sort of silly hijinks in the house it's it's wild i like those those ridiculous horror movies they keep you entertained because there's a good mix of gore that's silly so it's not like bad gore to deal with and writing that's bad and it's writing that's bad, but it's trying to be good, which is the kind of writing you want. It's called From Beyond. That's the fucking the one you want. And look at there. There's Barbara Compton fucking nude, too. Yeah, she gets naked a lot in that movie.
Starting point is 03:50:39 That's good stuff. And if you want to see more of Barbara Compton, you'll watch, you know, that movie i just linked there that i've already forgotten the name of from beyond uh also very good movie that one's weird they create this like weird interdimensional like monster making machine in the basement or some shit and there's all sorts of body horror and sex and oh i've seen that one that's a yeah from beyond i just forgot the name that's a good one okay house is good though i would definitely recommend house just not its sequel it's a horror kick you guys are on i'm watching this film so zach linked it here's a woman there's a disembodied head like they said and a you know guy holding it she's not as bound up as kyle made her out to be like her hands are free just at her side, willingly saying no, no, no.
Starting point is 03:51:29 It's she's on a special serum that only lets your tits move. When he put the head on her boobs, she was like fighting back a little when he goes down on her. All of a sudden it's like, no, no, no. They put a little humor in there yeah i think he asked for cheesy horror or silly horror or funny horror or something like that
Starting point is 03:51:51 those three are are like top tier for that i like jeffrey combs anyway he played a bunch of aliens in star trek he was way yoon in deep space nine and uh some others do you like cheesy horror filthy or not really your genre yeah it's not generally what i go for but occasionally a well-done one can be can be fun sometimes tough like if it's too cheesy and campy i can't get into it enough to enjoy it but like if it's you know if it's if it's not funny enough it's also not good so it's like there's a fine line for that's very true and it's like it can't if it is a horror comedy that like they're writing it to try and be funny overtly. It's usually not good.
Starting point is 03:52:29 That reanimated one was good. Like they had a fun little ridiculous balance. But I don't like when they try to do bad writing. It's good when like there's this movie called Shrooms. This is horror movie from like 2006. It's fucking awful. horror movie from like 2006 it's fucking awful and but it's good because they were really trying to make a really scary movie and it just fails every single step of the way it's just sucks sucks sucks sucks and it and i remember watching and being like i'm really enjoying this this is
Starting point is 03:52:57 fun that's the sweet spot exactly what you just described it's no good if they're trying to win i agree they have to fail they have to fail at making a good movie in a funny way. Yeah. But if they succeed, they'll because they'll never succeed in making a funny movie in a in a good way because they can't. That's what the whole point is. Right. Do you guys know the room?
Starting point is 03:53:17 Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a vanity project. Oh, hi, Mark. What does he say? The parts that I watched that movie. I did not hit her. Mark, I did not hit her.
Starting point is 03:53:29 This is crazy, Mark. Why are you coming at me for this? And he has no, there's terrible cadence. He dubbed his own movie. And so there are times where he's talking over himself. Like he's talking over himself. Have you seen Trolls 2? Trolls 2 is the worst i haven't seen trolls 1 i can't watch the room because it's so can i follow trolls 2 if i haven't seen trolls 1 first it's completely different yeah they give up trolls 2 doesn't even have trolls in it
Starting point is 03:54:03 that's how bad it is okay yeah If I remember it's some sort of Green food Some sort of You gotta watch it There's a scene where the kid pisses on dinner Because it freezes time or something I can't remember there's a lot of crazy shit He pisses on the food so they won't eat it
Starting point is 03:54:20 Because it's poison You ever seen Leprechauns from Da Hood? I have seen Leprechauns from Da Hood? I have seen Leprechauns from Da Hood. Have you seen that? Have you seen Samurai Cop? I watched Samurai Cop on LSD and laughed my
Starting point is 03:54:34 fucking ass off. That's one where they're trying real hard to make a good movie. And the actor is trying to deliver his lines well. But they fall out of his mouth like a fucking body being dumped out the back of a hearse. Just awkward and messy. Does nothing make sense what he's saying?
Starting point is 03:54:54 You listen to me, you sons of bitches. This is America. And we don't want you drug dealing murderers here fucker And that and it'll hold on his face There's no cuts back and forth like just letting him slowly deliver this awful dialogue for like two minutes Then cut the bad guy and goes huh and it's 80 art. It's not even him doing it. It's Garbage, it's it's the one where you've probably
Starting point is 03:55:26 seen the awkward or the reaction his partner is a black guy and and uh there's a scene where a waitress or a nurse and our main character the samurai cop are having like a sexy smoldery conversation where he's hitting on her and she's not having it she's she saw his dick and she asked if when he got circumcised they took too much off and the black guy goes like does like a react face and that react face has been memed to eternity and beyond and do they do they like hold it on the react face too long way too long well they cut right to him and there's no soundtrack or anything so nothing flows samurai cop is the work is the funniest bad movie i've ever seen and it is not even close to being good you'll notice at one point they went back for
Starting point is 03:56:10 reshoots and had to put a wig on him and when i say you'll notice i mean you'll notice it's just like all right here's the wig i love when there's stuff like that that's so jarring in a movie that that i have that like i ask myself like i must have missed a plot point because it's when there's stuff like that that's so jarring in a movie that I ask myself, like, I must have missed a plot point. Because it's like, there's no way this slipped in. There must be a reason there's a coffee cup in Winterfell. That show was misunderstood.
Starting point is 03:56:36 The ending was better than they said. It was bad. Let me explain it to you, because you clearly don't get it. So Dany flies on her dragon and she kills all these people in Winterfell or in King's Landing. And Jon Snow can't really
Starting point is 03:56:52 live with this because she's going to do it again. So he kills Dany. Cool. Drogon comes up there, sees this, melts the Iron Throne with his dragon breath. Right? Now we need a new king. There's only one logical choice. The guy that brought his own
Starting point is 03:57:08 chair. Boom. Game of Thrones makes sense. Who brought his own chair? Bran. Oh, yeah. No, he sucks. I hope Bran dies. Anyone but Bran. Only guy with a chair gets
Starting point is 03:57:24 the throne. Bran didn't even make good decisions. Bran was an absolute abject burden from start to fucking finish. All these supposed usings of knowledge that he ever provided his companions who pushed him and
Starting point is 03:57:39 sledded him and did everything, actively worked to get them killed. He was drug kicking and he was drug sitting and screaming through the wilderness to his destiny which didn't end up mattering really and not at all character sucked i wish jamie would have just killed him his story didn't matter if he had stayed in that room in winterfell right or he falls off the tower he goes in the room if he'd never left that room ever nothing would have changed except those kind children who befriended he wouldn't have had the greatest stories and therefore wouldn't have been king yeah he didn't
Starting point is 03:58:14 have that stupid shit to your fucking show what a what a meltdown i saw on the free folks subreddit they pointed out fucking sam became grand maester and he doesn't even have one link to that chain of links, each of which mean you have mastered an area of science, right? You need like 18 doctorates to fucking be a maester with a chain. He doesn't have one and they made him the captain
Starting point is 03:58:37 of the fucking team and he can't get ahead. It didn't make any fucking sense. What's it called when you get ahead based on who you know? Nepotism is family, right? Is it still nepotism? I think nepotism still counts. I don't think nepotism requires parenthood.
Starting point is 03:58:54 Okay. Favoring relatives, friends, or associates. I don't know if you guys finished Silo. I did, and I thought the ending was very good. Don't spoil it for me i'm just started that i'm like two episodes in okay i'll just hush up about it i'll just say i i there was a point in the middle where i was i was like i don't know where this is headed but got to the end and i was thoroughly pleased yeah we please we just picked up apple tv just to check out some
Starting point is 03:59:19 of the stuff on it so any other good pretty good. It's also cheaper. Are we talking about For All Mankind? For All Mankind is the best thing on Apple TV. Perhaps on all TV. No, the best thing on Apple TV is a series called Blackbird. It's a short mini-series about
Starting point is 03:59:41 I don't want to get into it. It's really good. Wait a minute. Ted. It's really good. I told you guys to watch it, I think. Ted Lasso's on Apple TV, right? Have you seen that yet? What is that? Ted Lasso? So Ted Lasso's a comedy. I really, really
Starting point is 03:59:58 liked it. And basically, he's an American football coach who comes over to Europe to coach a European football team, which is soccer. And he's an American football coach who comes over to Europe to coach a European football team, which is soccer. He's really, you could call him toxically positive or just an imbomitable force of positivity who lifts everyone around him in really tough situations. My wife and I watched it together and just really, really liked it.
Starting point is 04:00:24 Also, it's three seasons and it ends on time at a high a fourth season might have been too much i don't know if they could have sustained the level of enjoyment that i had into season four all right for all mankind on the other hand is the alternate reality in which the soviets win the space race in America says, oh no, you didn't, and just keeps going, and we fund the NASA to hell and back. We discover some sort of fancy stuff that makes it financially viable to keep
Starting point is 04:00:54 funding it, and they just keep going. So by the 80s, we're talking about Mars seriously. The Mars program is happening. And by the 90s, it's like future tech and all sorts of cool shit has happened just because we lose the space race. Very character-driven, but they
Starting point is 04:01:10 do a good job with the special effects and all the space shit. We go to the moon multiple times, bases on the moon. I love that show. I agree with him. It's very good. Just a couple little details that won't spoil much. The Russians get to
Starting point is 04:01:25 the moon first that's how we lost the space race and the americans as i guess we did in real life just keep moving the goal posts like oh yeah well the space race is really about uh colonizing the moon or it's about this or it's about that we just keep trying to be the first person to do a thing and then the tech it's kind of cool and it's subtle you barely notice it but they're like facetiming in 1984 and you're like wait what oh you can't do that but you can't so which is kind of cool because sometimes you'll see sci-fi stuff and if you're looking forward sometimes the stuff they miss really like jars you out of it you know like they're still using like the fucking like submarine kind of like communications as opposed to like a cell phone or like whatever else kind of feeling
Starting point is 04:02:02 like what the fuck is this shit so it's funny looking because if you do it backwards you can inject the future stuff in and make it more realistic That's kind of cool. I watched a really dark Black Mirror episode the new seasons out It's Josh Hartnett and Aaron Paul hadn't seen Josh Hartnett anything since fucking since City maybe but they're astronauts They never really get into how far they're going just that they're going to be in that ship for a long time together just the two of them but they have this mechanism where they kind of they just hop in a bed they go to sleep and they're they're in a robot now that's back home on earth with their families that's just like them and you know you know you can have sex with your wife you can live your life with your. And it's anytime you're not just actively working on the space station or on the spaceship,
Starting point is 04:02:48 which is most of the time, you're just back home with family. And it was one of the darker pieces of sci-fi I've ever seen in my life. It was upsetting. It was upsetting. I saw that, too. I've heard people say it was the best of this. That was the best episode of this year's black mirror. I only seen one.
Starting point is 04:03:07 I did not like seeing the best one this season. So it's actually hearing Kyle's recap was actually better than I remember it again. It always is. He does that. Or sometimes he'll write an alt like, you know what? That ended wrong. This is what they should have done. And I'm like, man, my alternate ending to the Sopranos. Yes. There's a bunch of them i keep writing but the gandalfini estate calls me a terrorist
Starting point is 04:03:39 they call me a freeloader. I'm just a humble trash man. Are you guys ready to wrap? Yeah. Filthy, everybody. Filthy Robot on Twitch, as per usual. Check his links in the description. Perfect. Buy your cum pills.
Starting point is 04:03:58 I'm back on it. I was tired of cumming like a regular person. I took a little break. I don't know what I was thinking. Now I'm back on the upward trajectory. Just more ejaculate day by day. PKA 658.

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