Painkiller Already - PKA 662 W/ Chris James: Chubby Chaser Crushed, Tributing Donald Trump Mugshot, Awful Reality TV

Episode Date: August 26, 2023

pka 662 with our guest chris james taylor this episode of pka brought to you by pharaoh distro dot com lock and load and blue chew a bunch of wonderful sponsors we'll hear more about later chris thanks for joining us tonight no problem thanks for having me so i've been poking through your channel looking around and i see that you dislike the deadliest warrior as much as i did so i don't expect that i don't dislike it as much it was like my favorite show growing up but like but then you watched it yeah as an adult once my frontal lobe developed i watched these shows again and it's so funny watching these experts bicker back and forth i that's why i made a video on it because they just like hate each other so

much and they're not even like on the payroll and they hate each other so much oh yeah they're i remember like groups that had no inherent squabble like like a samoan warrior or rather a guy who claims 800 years ago his ancestors were samoan warriors he's just a guy that likes pork with tattoos yeah and then there's like a Japanese guy whose whole family has never been ninjas and they're both like talking shit like the ninjas like if I come if he was at

your island he'd kill you fuck you up and then the Samoan guys like you couldn't sneak up on him man he knew the whole island he knew everything like you think they're gonna come into his domain and take him down and it's like it's badly acted and it's genuine aggression, which is a wonderful conflagration of embarrassment. Like, the producers obviously were like, hey, just kind of ham it up.

And they're like, all right, yeah, we'll do our best. And they're like, oh, the Spetsnaz wouldn't have a chance against the Green Beret. And then the other guy's like, I'm going to fucking kill you. Yeah. And that's like, okay you didn't you can tone it down a little bit but my favorite is like how bad the mashups are it'll be like william wallace versus like mitch from accounts receivable it like they don't one is very obviously gonna win i think yeah right the accountant it's like ah dude in 996 out of 1000 simulations the accountant

loses and then like they're like afterward the accountant's like you know at the end of the day it was a split decision 996 to four like it was so you're right i'm remembering more about how stupid that show was now i had a bet with my friend like every week we were in middle school every week it's like one of us would pick one and the other and like we would progress on through the episodes and the fourth episode in my friend won and then everyone from then on was like the obvious winner everyone and he just like picked each one that's where my resentment for the show started you guys didn't have a very fair system you should have got to pick first every other 12 and that's true i never got into that show i had so the guy who produced that show or made that

show he i was talking to him about doing a thing on tv and so i had to watch a bunch of his show so i i was forced to watch a bunch of his show so i knew what we were going to talk about when i met this guy he was the guy that was like 30 minutes late to the meeting at the bar and uh and he claimed that he had saved a woman who was being accosted by like carjackers, maybe or street muggers. And this is the kind of man who gets accosted by street muggers, not the kind who steps in and saves the day. He was a fat, balding, hairy, slobby kind of guy. And I felt like he was like, oh, oh yeah i'm late and sweaty because i had to fight crime and i'm thinking i just think you're just not i think your ac is out of shape

yeah i don't mean i think you took the bus here sir i took the bus here to the omni i don't i don't think i want to continue related story on compelled when i first started dating jackie she had this guy not an ex-boyfriend just a a person who liked her, a wannabe boyfriend, I guess. And he would call her, and Jackie and I have been going out for like three weeks at this point, and tell these tales in an effort to woo her. His special skill was that he was a crane operator. So he would be like, dude, you can't believe what just happened to me today. Cars flying off the bridges. And they're like, does anyone know how to operate a crane?

And I'm like, I'm your guy. Then he would pull the cars out of the water to save by like, you know, innocent victims. And that was like his way of trying to get Jackie to like fall for this hero. It didn't work. Meanwhile, he's like news channel seven, like saving people. And he's like, miracle on the Chesapeake tonight. Miracle on the Chesapeake tonight. We've got the hero,

the man they call, the angel of New Jersey. Come here, sir. And he's single. What if he would tell tales like this, different but obviously threads of them just needing a crane operator hero. This is back in the day of Landline.

She'd be talking to him on the phone and I'd be on another phone, muted, silently listening to the conversation as she kind of egged him on, mocked him a little bit. Maybe it wasn't nice. Yeah. Now he's the best crane operator. He may be. At this point

he should be an expert. Yeah, I'm sure he lived a long life after that embarrassment. That's a pretty cool job, crane operator. If you're good. Is it? And if you own a crane. The only time you ever hear about a crane operator is when they

fuck up and drop one in New York. Or catch on fire and die. Yeah, does that happen? Yeah, I'm thinking of the real high rise ones there's no escape get out of there i your egress is i'd have a backup you have one way out yeah you better base jumper or something i mean at the very least i'd have like a harness on that i could maybe a cable that i could rope or something i can lower myself down over below the fire or something at least get away from burning.

I don't want to burn alive. That's like my number one fear, I guess. You could say, oh, I don't want to be buried alive. That's worse. It's like, yeah, but when is that going to fucking happen? You get burned alive out here in traffic right now. Nobody's going to sneak in and bury you alive. Okay.

You can actually burn. I'd much rather drown. Much rather drown. Especially cold water. Than being buried alive. Freeze. Freeze to death. I'd much rather drown, much rather drown, especially cold water. Then I was buried alive. Freeze, freeze to death. I'm hearing is the move. You just you're cold for a while, which is uncomfortable, but we've all been really cold.

And then you're just tired and you lay down and you ease into peace. Yeah, I bet like like like bullet back of the head. Unexpected is probably the absolute fastest way to go. Right. I think submarine implosion. Submarine? Oh, okay. Oh, wait, okay.

Topical. Yeah, but you have, like, two hours leading up where you're just like, ah! You're freezing cold, yeah. You're dead. It's creaking. You're, like, praying for death by the end. What a terrible way to go.

Those sound like not even a good time, like, even if you don't implode. Like, if you see the insides of those things and you're, like, freezing cold, and you're like, bring an iPod, and we're going to piss in that bucket like even if you don't implode like if you see the insides of those things and you're like freezing cold and they're like bring an ipod and we're gonna piss in that bucket over there if you need to yeah that's that's the experience don't kick the mad cats controller i was just gonna make a joke you have to blow a controller blowing it blowing it try blowing in it that was the problem somebody turned it off they didn't have a memory card in that's that's one of the sillier fucking news events of my life i think there's i remember the the balloon boy that's a real old one that's probably 15 17 even years ago or something

what did he do balloon boy is when all right so my remembrance of balloon boy because i was younger is that this family told everyone that their son had gotten into some balloon they had and floated off they thought their son had ballooned himself away and so this huge search went underway looking for balloon boy up in the air i saw the balloon boy he floated over my dairy farm he was just a squeak he was hiding in the attic he was hiding in the fucking attic the whole time and it was this big like silly goofy story for me he was just squeak he was hiding in the attic he was hiding in the fucking attic the whole time and it was this big like silly goofy story for me he was hiding in a boat under a tarp remember now that is uh the czarnaev brother yeah uh from the boston bombing which is i think which

is my favorite news event from my life i was listening to like three different police scanner websites simultaneously while they hunted that guy down. That whole night was crazy. I didn't follow it that close, but I do remember a lot of people online were like, we got them. We found the bomber. And it was like just some other long haired guy who lived in the area.

Oh yeah. Cause they, they got it wrong. Big time off the start. I watched, I remember I pretty sure i watched or maybe it's just in my mind's eye from the story but i've got the visual of him running his brother over because he was in the street and the uh the one like tried to get away and

crushed his brother that's i think he'd already been shot once but killed him and then that video got away in the car and then uh he was hiding under that boat tarp in somebody's bass boat and they've got him surrounded with tanks and thermal imaging and i still think they shot first speaking of stupid ways to die i'm just i'm scrolling through trying to remember all these ridiculous reality shows you've you've reviewed we've talked about a thousand ways to die like briefly in the past can what were a couple that you could jog our memories with that were even dumber than we remember um they were that was one of the shows where like i always remember that being decent i was like oh it was just you

know like an anthology series like people dying and then i watched it again and i'm like the one that this video got age restricted um and i fought it like three times i fought with twitter or the team youtube on twitter about it and it was one where it was this guy who was a self-proclaimed chubby chaser they even brought a real guy on for like an interview and he's like explaining what a chubby chaser is and he basically just wants to fuck a ginormous woman and she fucks him and falls asleep. It's so intense. She passes out on top of him and he can't breathe. And then they, of course, bring a doctor on to explain how not being able to breathe kills you. That's what all the doctors in Spike TV are.

They're like, when you can't breathe, you die. And that's every doctor on spike tv deadliest warrior thousand ways to die man there's all that shit and so what happens to your body when you can't breathe and then it does that like aggressive like overlay and it's like your lungs begin to constrict when the 800 pound gorilla pushes down on you and then you die yeah you're right they those doctors probably weren't real the deadliest warrior ones were the worst because like they would like there was one where like it was a phone bomb that they would use and it blew the guy's head off and then the doctor walks over and he's like so what happened here what and it's like the guy's head was blown clean off

i got it. You really can't go on past this. It got rid of all the essential parts of the brain, the inside. The head, believe it or not, is the most important part. It's the most important kind. You need them in your head. I remember just stupid nonsense on that show where it would be random electrical impulses. What they would do is they'd have like a couple key ways to die that

would take up the main storyline. And then they would have like B storylines where it'd be like, meet Jackie Sparks, who was walking down his own driveway when he stepped on a live wire. What happened next is shocking. And it's like, no, it's not.

Literally is. It's a pun. And it's like no it's not literally is it's a pun and it's like that wasn't even that was like a normal-ish way to die you guys just needed 40 seconds like that's that's it was they must have they pumped out so many of those episodes and ron perlman ron perlman was the narrator which that threw me off fucking hellboy i don't know if he just needed a lot going on to check or what but was that that was pre hellboy so maybe things weren't going well and that was pre uh it was like late 2000s oh oh man it was like hellboys like a like a 2007 movie or something yeah i'm pretty sure it was like that's why i was like surprised i'm like you don't that hellboy money isn't enough you You got to go to Spike TV. I mean, he does a lot of the UFC voiceover work too.

It's, I think his voice adds a lot to it. Whenever I recognize the guy's voice, I kind of like, oh, they're doing a little, this is a special event. This does, this is real. I like that a lot when they hire a voice actor I know rather than just announcer man. It's better than Mansour's with, it sounds like the offspring singer just talking and it's just the most obnoxious voice you've ever heard in your life i remember um there was a nature documentary that had barack obama doing the voiceover and i really wanted to learn about the bears but i didn't want to hear

shit from fucking obama and i was i was i was really at a crossroads in my life. I don't know what to do. Did he really do it? Is this real? Yeah. Yeah. There's, it's on Netflix. There's a bunch of them,

you know, different celebrities. And I feel like Barack Obama does like, it's not Yosemite, but it's something like that. It's like Yosemite is one of America's most beautiful natural habitats. That's a pretty good impression. It also demonstrates why he frustrates me.

The unnecessary pauses. The, like, bro, I'm not that compelled. Keep it along. Move it, move it, move it faster. Brock is not a good speaker for me. He has multiple speaking voices, though. You hear him in front of a black congregation. He leans into that.

You hear him campaigning. He really, those pauses are important i think they he's trying to he's trying to sell hope and change right for the first time in 2007 so he needs to draw you in but later on when he was just trying to make a fucking point in an interview he he moved it along he cut all that shit out and it's it's a slightly different i was just listening to him speak today like a like a new speaking of today. That's a stupid way to phrase it. He was talking about cynicism in the media or some shit. I noticed that he didn't have his typical

speech pattern. I appreciate that. I pay a lot of attention to speech patterns. It's a thing I've been into for 20- 30 years. And things that other people might love don't appeal to me at all. Barack Obama is one of those. I know the Obama, like his cadence. Yeah, his cadence, the pauses.

It vibes a certain sense of self-importance to me, which turns me off. What politician do you think spoke? Like, think about who's your best speaking politician, the one who you enjoy his speaking voice. Maybe not even what he's talking about, right? You're not his guy, but man, it sounds good when he says it. I have two. One is Bill Clinton. I heard Bill Clinton talk about privatizing social security, and someone was making a pretty compelling argument, and his mind seemed kind of open to it um but the pros of social security usually they point to the really really low administration costs it's it's cheaper to run social security than like any hedge fund even the s&p 500 ones that really minimize their expenses uh the s&p 500 i'm sorry the social

security has really low admin expenses cool and he said so said, he was like, you know, but I can't do a Clinton. It's like the American people, they believe the government would mess up a two-car parade. And it was just so like folksy and on point that it worked for me. The other guy I have, Newt Gingrich. This politician. I saw Newt Gingrich debate house dinosaur expert right this guy's was a paleontologist and like it was his whole life was devoted to it newt gingrich kicked the fuck out of him in a debate about dinosaurs because he was just that much better of a speaker that's hilarious i

watch that clip actually because if there was one expert to like that you could own more easily i feel like dinosaurs would be a good one because a lot of their answers are just gonna have to be like well we don't know like we we don't know about that we haven't found all the stuff like the dinosaur expert was trying to stump him i'm sorry i'll be quick no and he was he was explaining like dinosaurs that i think it was there was an argument about the upper arms of a t-rex and the expert was saying that they had to be pretty functional he's like how do you think they catch prey without hands and arms and stuff and he's like just like a roadrunner watch a roadrunner catch prey he runs he stomps on it with his foot that's how they do it and i'm like i don't know how dinosaurs catch food but i can tell you new

greenwich is winning me over on this thing and i I don't even like him. That makes sense, Newt. Tip the hat. That's why he was the Speaker of the House, okay? That man is named after a kind of lizard. Well, amphibian. He knows. That's where his expertise comes from. He's a lizard bird.

Look at Alex Jones about this. I think the one politician that I don't agree with the politics, but wins me over otherwise, is Mitt Romney and his unnecessary love for hot dogs. Okay. I've seen him twice. Talk about hot dogs on national hot dog day. And I was like,

all right, he's just doing this because it's national hot dog day. But then the other day he was like, you've heard about girl dinner, but what about Mitt lunch? And he's eating a fucking hot dog. He's not dropping this hot dog thing. Bill Clinton hilariously.

I'm sorry, Kyle. I did it again, but he hilariously battled with his weight while he was president. And he had some success and some failures. Like it went up and down. He kind of yo-yoed a lot and he would go out running in these tiny little short shorts that were popular in the nineties.

Like a runners wore the smallest shorts and without like clearing it with the secret service or anything he would just run right into a mcdonald's order food because he fucking loved it and then run out of mcdonald's and continue his exercise i bet snl sketch yes phil hartman plays him in the snl sketch and it's classic because he's going from customer to customer in the mcdon McDonald's doing that folksy press the flesh politician bit. Well, the thing about social security is he's taking their food

from each customer. Look at the old school McDonald's. Look how sweaty he is. That's mid-run right there with McDonald's. You can keep your vote. I'll take a few of those fries, though. I think I see Gore's dick. I do see how Gore's dick...

That's not a good look for him. Damn, I bet when Gore's at a trot, that bad boy's flashing everybody. This is like a Conor McGregor weigh-in dick he's got going on there. I know this about Gore.

The guy in the back of the hangover, got the guy in the back of the uh hangover the asian guy in the back of the hangover car they released and he's got like that that fake merkin on i think it was like a fake merkin penis they have on him right no that's his dick dude 100 it has to be i would yeah it has to be yeah plus like a dude like him, whose whole thing is comedy and acting, there's no way he'd strap on a fake... He's like, why would we need that? Look what I'm working with. Get that thing out of here.

Oh, you've got a tiny penis to attach to me that's real hairy? Look at this. You can improve up on this? You can get smaller and hairier than this he's a character yeah he only plays guys with little dicks he was all about it i liked reagan i thought reagan there was a time like maybe 10 15 years ago i remember when i was playing like when i first started playing cod 4 or something socrates was very conservative he's an old gaming friend of mine and uh he sent me all these Reagan videos on YouTube.

And I start listening to him. And Reagan's talking about the way it used to be and the way it can be again. God damn it. And then the Soviets will come up and he'll talk some real shit, like some scary shit. Oh, I wish a motherfucker would kind of shit. And just talk about how the American way is better and this and that and democracy and fucking capitalism and I'm just over there just

a tear coming out of my eye and a boner in my pants I'm loving it it's just it's so good who's the politician that had was it Rick Perry or Mitt Romney that has that ranch in Texas called N word head ranch.

I can't remember which one it is, but I do know what you're talking about. You're right. Rick Perry. Like, and he, like, this is usually maybe like 2012 that he defended.

He had like a family ranch called literally N word head ranch, but. Oh my God, dude. So it is Rick Perry. I just Googled it real quick. And it's N word head as one word, two's by the way so it's not how do you pronounce niger now the niger you nailed it yeah it's one g it's always been niger yeah it's not niger they say something different now oh

i think that's right perhaps with their dialect or their their or whatever they i bet in their fucking african tongue they got eight more goddamn letters or eight fewer or some shit so there's i don't think rick perry's like in on that yeah i think you're right but i just put it out because the two g's makes it like there's no backing out of that definitive yeah it'd be funny as if like when bought it, it was called Friendship Ranch. And then he was like, nah, not for me, buddy. We're going edgy with our ranch.

People are going to drive by this ranch and get in car accidents. Did that say that? Was it on a sign? So whenever I've been to Texas and I go to one of these big ranches or even a ranch that you wouldn't consider all that big they've got a big entryway with a rod iron or stone or something and it'll be like tnt ranch you know purebred bohemian holsteins or whatever the fuck they they raised there and they'll be cool shit out there to let you know

like that's a i see that all I've seen it a bunch in Texas and even here some did his have like a black person's head and like any big folksy letters above it like I wouldn't be surprised and I'm trying to make sure that I'm not

being fooled by photoshop first what if it's like what if that's like the name of like a proud being fooled by Photoshop first. Something awful? Alright. What if that's like the name of a proud family of the Underground Railroad? The N heads. They're trying to pay homage to them. We will not change

history because of today. It's like, well, I agree they shouldn't have changed the Redskins, but maybe maybe maybe we do have a line things that we don't say like if toyota tried to release a new car be like i'm not comfortable driving this like uh like the woman named marijuana pepsi he just refuses to her mother

named her marijuana pepsi and she went on to do something impressive in academia or she i don't know she's a doctor or engineer or some shit something impressive and they're like hey marijuana pepsi could you change your fucking name because it it's a bad look and she's like no that's what my mama named pepsi or the marijuana pepsi and it's just like the worst name imaginable it doesn't get worse than that marijuana pepsi yeah i've been shortened that mp that's what's gonna say you can't really even hyphenate or shorten or condense that she doesn't want to though she could just change her fucking name you go to any i bet you by mary jane i think she, though. She could just change her fucking name. Or Mary Jane. I bet you I'm by Mary Jane. I think she's Marijuana Pepsi, and then her last name is something else,

but her first Marijuana Pepsi. Chris, if you had to be named after a store shelves product, what would it be? It wouldn't be Pepsi. It wouldn't be fucking Pepsi. God damn. I don't know. It'd probably be

one of the sparkling water companies or whatever mineral water like Pellegrino or some shit like that I want you to call me whatchamacallit I'm gonna be Kyle Captain Crunch and you will refer to me by my rank

god damn it Kyle is not a name of a product in the store you can't be Kyle anymore I get to pick which of my product in the store. You can't be Kyle anymore. I get to pick which of my names are the product. You can be Aunt Jemima, Captain Crunch. Okay, you win. I am now Captain Kyle Crunch. That's not the name of a product.

What are you fundamentally not getting? Captain Crunch is the name of a product. I can't pick my middle name? Which of my names do you get? None. It all has to be products. You've lost, sir. I am Captain Kyle Crunch.

You will refer to me by my rank and you salute, soldier. Is the middle name Kyle? Quaker. Quaker. I mean, I think Chris was on the right move. You want to take a fancy Italian or French name like Perrier. You got to look to the right side of the aisle. Like the pops on the left.

You got to look to the right side and everything else. That's where all the names are. Yeah. You don't want to be like Diet Shasta yeah we're like chris pibb chris what about no i do like pepper i like pepper that's good i wouldn't even think about that yeah pepper is a solid one chris diet is it's everybody thinks it's pepper like the word like the pepper in the shaker but it's pepper it's something that gives you pep it's a pepper there's no caffeine in it no there is there's caffeine

in Dr. Pepper it's like the same amount as like coke and Pepsi I'm almost positive there's caffeine I've been drinking it way too late then I've been like I'm like I'm gonna get diet Dr. Pepper because there's no caffeine in it so I can drink it at 10pm that's been ruining everything that's not the part that diet gets rid of friend Dr. Pepper because there's no caffeine in it. So I can drink it at 10 p.m. That's been ruining everything. That's not the part that diet gets rid of, friend.

Dr. Pepper in general had no caffeine. I'm like, oh, I'll get that instead of Diet Pepsi. No, I think every dark soda other than root beer is caffeinated for the most point. Decaffeinated versions. There's nothing less appealing to me than

the can design of the decaffeinated sodas. Something about it less appealing to me than the can design of the decaffeinated sodas something about it it looks like a hospital soda or something or like a tonic water or some shit i'm drinking that right now i swear to god i promise you it's a decaffeinated that drink is not for boys taylor put that yes it is it's any drink i drink it's for boys because i'm a boy so my mom used to get me diet caffeine free Mountain Dew and I just didn't even... I'm like, what's the fucking point? You've taken away everything about this thing.

With Mountain Dew, the point was the caffeine as a kid. And the sugar. It's so sick. It was pre- energy drinks. Before there were energy drinks, it was Mountain Dew. Did you guys drink Jolt? The soda? Yes. I had one. Okay.

Jolt was like, they sold it across the street from my high school and I never knew of anywhere else that sold it. It was like this special get for them. All the kids would drink Jolt and then go into school and probably be antsy and annoy their teachers. Do you guys ever drink balls in the glass bottle?

Sure, I've gargled a few yeah i've gargled some ball d-a-w-l-s and it was like one of the first like energy drinks or like i think it was actually marketed as like maybe a high caffeine cola something like that but it was like a oh i take it back i've never seen this product is it balls like b-a-w yeah b-a-w-l-s i have like that i used to drink all the experimental. I used to be fascinated by the experimental sodas because, like, I don't know. We didn't experiment much with soda at my house, I guess. But I remember when Orbitz came out, I was like, I got to have an Orbitz.

And it's the most disgusting soda you've ever even imagined. It had those floating balls of, like, tapioca or some shit in it or gelatin. And it was, like, pineapple flavored or tropical island shit. But it's a beverage that has chunks of floating balls in it, all in it. And you're just chewing them up, I guess. It was awful. Orbits. Was it awful?

That sounds good. I like the, are they tapioca balls? Bubble tea. Bubble tea. Yeah. Ooh. Oh, no. Do they still sell that? I would totally drink it. The one on the left is the one I got.

That would have been 1995, though. That's a long time ago. I don't think they sell it anymore at all. Orbits with a Z. I remember Zima was hot at the time. I remember when I purchased that, or when my daddy purchased it for me, that there was also Zima there and i was like can we have zima too and he

was like no no we can't not until you're older not ever because you know it's just a disgusting fucking beer you ever had it was only for sale for one year and the internet agrees it's one of the time magazine calls it one of the top 10 bad beverage ideas of all time is orbits yeah here i'll read it it's not that long yeah what else market is called orbits a text texturally enhanced alternative beverage but most consumers just called it gross the ill-fated fruit drink featured brightly colored balls of gelatin floating unnervingly inside leading some to to compare the Canadian export to a portable lava lamp. A cough syrupy taste, an incoherent ad campaign about its origins on the planet orbits, prepare to embark on a tour into the bowels of orbiterium, its website invited.

Didn't matter, and the drink was shelved within a year of its debut in 1997 the name of the failed product is now better known as a popular travel website though unopened bottles are still available as novelties on ebay dude that was like a morning of some guy got an email that was like hey did you finish the copy for orbits and he's like oh no for orbits and he's like oh no uh email body uh blast off with uh to planet orbitron uh this is what it was you guys had those chia like those chia seed drinks you can get that are like fruit flavored but it's like it's a glass bottle full of spider eggs basically they're delicious but it's like you got to get past the giant bottle full of spider eggs kind of feeling going down your throat.

But we had a company sponsor like that at one point, and it was terrible. 100% food. It tasted like chunky. Were there shakes? It was like shakes, but it didn't dissolve. And so it was just enormous chunks. No matter how much water you added it just got thicker it was a real quandary unreal you can't get past a bunch of eggs going down your throat then you can't be with me

no nor with any of those aren't those aren't eggs this was like i know what a fruity juice drink with a lot of little like hydrated seeds. So they were slick. I've seen those at the grocery store and they're like $5 for a bottle and there's no way they're even good for you. It's just a bunch of like it's cheaper just to buy fruit and eat it. It makes you shit a lot. So if you're into that.

I mean that's any fruit. Any fruit is going to make you shit a lot. Because it's what fiber and water yeah a little sugar oh I wanted to talk about that show on Netflix I've been watching this I started watching it last night I almost finished it I was up till five in the fucking morning because I wanted one more episode there's only eight uh I only started watching it because Jason Bateman uh is the executive producer of this show which i was like why is he executive producing a survival show where they throw 16 people into alaska and they they all meet up and there's like a paper there the helicopter keeps drop there's no did you say what it was called outlast outlast and it's 2023

it's brand new on netflix and there's no host which i hate you need that jeff probst guy there to anchor everything down all they have is a helicopter that drops messages and so and uh and very clearly a film crew who we don't talk about it's fucking stupid it's very realist style so the the the contestants all converge on this point on the message and the lady reads it aloud and it basically says break off into four teams you'll each be on a separate quadrant of this uh this island river delta thing um by the ocean and um before she can say any more teams have formed like the the quicker of them have been like you they grabbed two people and looked for a fourth and then was like, come on, let's get that guy. And so there are these leftover teams.

The one guy is like, I didn't really understand what was happening until it was already done. And so this is my team, Team Delta. And it was like, oh, no. And it's him and two guys with cerebral palsy yeah and there's a lot of women and there are some smaller women and some older gals and then there's this one chick i thought she had meth face she quickly cleared that up let us know it was heroin she's like i'm a recovered heroin addict i'm a felon and i'm gonna win it was rude of you to make assumptions kyle yeah i know i know i thought so little of her when she

rose so high. But then you realized she was pretty cool. So what this feels like to me is they had an idea for a reality show but the contestants broke the game and so they were like, yeah, just make it eight episodes and fucking record whatever happens. I don't know who wins.

I haven't watched either the last episode or the second to last episode, but here's what happens very quickly people start starving and quitting right away starving and freezing and quitting because there's nothing how fast is right away well to the viewer it's the first episode like so like 10 minutes so to them time moves fast for them like like all of a sudden three or five days will pass and you're like oh okay move the fucking story along and that's my cue that nothing happened for a week you know we all late they all laid there for a goddamn week and then something happened so one of the teams decides that they're gonna turn rogue there are two teams on each side of the river

the tides are such that they have access to each other occasionally. Every six hours when it gets to the low, low tide, you can kind of wade across. One team has a raft, though, a good one. Well, they send their boy in SEAL Team 6 style to the weakest team because they've only got two people left. It's like a guy and a girl who can we're just barely making it he makes he makes himself a ghillie suit rafts across his his team is all girls and they're they're like these bitches are like yeah get them yeah yeah he sneaks over there when they're out of their camp and steals everything he takes their all of their

sleeping bags it drops down to the 20s at night and it's a rainforest technically he takes their sleeping bags and he gets back with them they destroy his raft but they don't wait him out for some reason they find his raft on their side he has to swim across towing the raft behind him it's a decent sized raft that he made with all their shit on it and he does it and he's like a fit guy and he gets the other side he's like showing him his asshole and tell him to kiss his ass and this and that those two people is he showing his teammates his asshole i'm a little. He's flashing his asshole to the people he just fucked across the river. And it's awful.

And that makes one guy quit right away. He's like, I don't want to be in a game like this. He's on a completely different team. And he's like, I don't even want to be in a game like this. He wasn't even the robbed one. The two people who had that night, they just shivered. They're just shivered all night.

They were heating stones up and placing them in their little hovel, wrapping themselves up in tarp and hay and shit. It was miserable. I probably would have quit too. Meth face girl. One team gets down to one guy because, again, his teammate had too many morals to continue in a contest like this. So he leaves his poor teammate alone solo dude meth face and her gal pal come over and start robbing him to his face stealing his shit he's a natural yeah one of them one meth face is stealing his shit that's on that's

on the beach because he was going to cross over and join a different team. The other one is at his camp where their arms cross. You can either save your raft or save your camp. I'll stay here all night. And he's like, what have I got? You people are evil. You people are evil. This is a dude getting robbed by girls, right?

He can't beat him up. Wait, he can absolutely beat him up. He won't win the show. He'll go to jail. You could take a knee to the nose is that your met is that your idea here he was like this is not gonna walk out and be like for sorting your female opponents we award you a barrel of rice i'd be tempted to steal her clothes on the spot like oh you think you're the thief it got worse the one that was by his raft cut it apart down to bits and bobs destroyed it to his face and then tried to

steal she's like this is mine like trying to take it from him he's like it's mine it's quickly mine and she finally gives up and she goes you'll be gone soon you weak motherfucker and she walks away and i think he might have cried but they didn't show it it's sad dude i don't know what happens after that because that's when i had to go to bed but there's no way to respond to that on a tv show like if someone start if a small woman is like breaking your shit on a tv show and you can see you know stevie and Edward, the camera and the boom operator there. It's like you don't have an option. He says you'll be gone

soon. You have to sprint to their camp and break their shit also. That's your only option is to be like, okay, mutually assured destruction. I got to go destroy your shit now. I have my own idea. I want to hear Kyle's first. I would have made fire and made a torch and we would have went

and burned their camp to the ground. Like every bit of their shit would have been burned to the ground and that would have been it. I'm not going to steal your shit because then you might get it back. I'm going to destroy everything you have and jump in there. It's on fire. Get it. I would have burned all the shit. That's the first thing I would have done. All their medical

supplies, their food, I don't care. Their personal belongings out there, family pictures, all of it. Unless this woman was unusually tough, my idea, throw her in the water. Throw her in the water. She needs to be fucking freezing cold right now. Does it get out at 20 at night in this rainforest? Yeah.

Well, you better do something about that because you're soaking wet now. It pissed me off, and that's why i kept watching because i wanted these cunts to pay but it doesn't feel like it's heading in that direction i don't know what's going to happen i'm going to finish it after the show tonight but out last kind of caught my attention last night it's not you know it's reality tv and quasi reality i have a question about it that yeah do teams win or do people win and it's one million dollars i should have said that first thing one million dollars so those girls the heroin addict and the criminal

are going to turn on each other in the next two episodes now i was smoking out of my uh my bong that that we got sent some very powerful concentrate so maybe teams can win but that doesn't make sense to me it really seemed to me like it had to come down to one although there's a lot of that survivor style like some of these people have three different allies they're like like they're like yeah i'm with you no matter what bullshit and they're like talk they have secret meetings with other team members in the woods and shit. Meanwhile, camera crew's there. So I don't know how any of that shit's actually happening, but it caught my attention.

I liked it. It's the first reality show in a long time that I haven't thought was vomit-inducing. I really want you to try Survivor. First of all, I think you'd be good at Survivor, better than I am. I watch Survivor, though, and I know it's an old show when it's 20. I think they're in episode. I'm sorry. Season 40 now. It's something really high like that.

But I watched that show and I'm like, my gosh, everyone on this show is better than I even think I could be. Like, they're just clever. And the way that they form relationships and they have their steeped in survival knowledge. So when they hunt down for you can get an immunity idol and it's just they'll tell you like hey there's an immunity idol hidden in the wood somewhere they have they've seen a hundred found immunity idols before so they kind of like know where to look it's they're not randomly searching around they're like you know what if there's a knot hole in a tree if there's a pile of leaves if these are the kinds of places you might find they're good at it and how you use your energy whether you want to be good right you the the

tallest blades of grass get cut down and the shortest ones get plucked and and you kind of want to be just in the middle there yeah that's what i was thinking if i was going to try to play that game i like what character do you present you present? What version of you do you show? You don't want to be alpha mailman who's like, don't worry, everybody. I'll kill us a pig and keep us alive. You're going to piss 30% of them hate you immediately.

30% of them want to compete with you now. The rest of them are like, yeah, I kind of like that guy, but not really. That's terrible. You don't want to be too weak. You don't want to be creepy because it's 50% women like there's a lot of moving pieces to play in that game i guess but i hate that i have a real eye and maybe ear for when there's bullshit shenanigans going on on a reality show i was watching it last night the show we're talking about and i'm like i look at my girlfriend i go they stocked that pond with fish and taught them to fish for several hours. That's why every one of them keeps hooking a 20 pound fish.

And what do they say? Fish on. Almost like a professional fisherman had been there all day saying fish on every time he fucking caught one. No, Kyle, they organically started saying that. And you know how ponds are. You go to ponds. They all have a similar amount of exact sized fish. Salmon.

Yeah. Wait, was it like a little pond that had like 20 pound catfish that had just been thrown in? It was like Soho tuna or something like that. I'm not an expert, but the camera never shows you a wide shot. So it looks to me like they just stocked a little pond so that they could get a fishing because they were not catching anything from the river delta that they're by. It's it's like a tidal estuary. Maybe they're right there by the ocean.

And so the medical boat is out to sea. And whenever somebody fucking croaks, they come and get them with a helicopter and take them out in that other one alone. Oh, my God. The way that they give contestants food annoys the crap out of them. They'll build a fish trap. If you don't know a fish trap, picture half an hourglass

with spikes. It's easy to swim in, but it's hard to find your way out. I described it wrong. But anyway, they're finding dead fish in their fish trap. Get the fuck out of here. Someone put a fish in their fish trap. Get the fuck out of here. Someone put a fish in there for you. This one's frozen.

They find fresh fish on the riverbank right in front of where they go for a walk. It's really planted food. And I Googled it. Apparently, I'm not the only fan that came up with this theory. It's widely suspected. Oh, 100%. We know what it's like, right like we went out into the woods ourselves uh chris we woody and i and a couple more folks went out in the woods uh with a cameraman and with this sort of like not full on certain more like what i'm describing more like extreme camping um you know we had uh hammocks to sleep in and stuff and i had seen something something you guys

going out in the woods i don't know if it was one of many attempts okay we've had a couple of adventures under our belt and we have not proven that we could last for an extended amount of time there wasn't a pond full of fish but what it boils down to is a lot of sitting and waiting for the day to end and then sitting and waiting for the night to end and you rinse and repeat for five days and it's over and that's what uh i think happens a lot in these reality survival shows if you don't really poke and prod them along to go do shit and if you don't feed them then they don't have enough energy to even film there's this one my show is real because there's this one guy who spends a lot of calories.

He thinks he's going to win the crab pot challenge and he's on his raft doing pushups in the middle of the river. He does not win the crab pot challenge. He gets swept past the Island and they have to recover him off camera. They don't even show what they have to go through to save his life. And he's crying on camera about how he let his team down and he doesn't eat for like two more days. And he's like, it's been two days since I've eaten anything. You know, I'm seeing black spots. And then they go five days later.

This guy's like, hey, you want to come? He's like, I'm going to go cut down a big tree. I want to log the lean to hear this and that and the starving guy's like i'll come i'll come he fucking passes out and hits his head face like face plants unconscious now he's on the medical boat it's it's you can't film fun bits where we stand on poles and look for immunity aisle idols if you got bitches passing out they have to be a little bit fabricated they're not fabricated but like they have to like reality shows have to like push them a little bit if they're not fabricating shit or else it'll just be like like too real is too boring sometimes like you have to have some some kind of influence from the producers or whatever number one thing um so so let me tell you the greatest reality show story success story of all

time the ufc was out of money well they never had they were never into money they had investors which means that every dollar in is just falling right out the ass of the product we're trying to grow right we don't have it anymore it's it's disappearing and the fortita brothers or whatever were i don't remember was the last 10 million or the last 50 million they were going to pump into this thing 10 sounds more real and uh they're they're like all right Dana this is it 10 more million make the reality show that doesn't bite them we're cutting bait and running you know we're into this thing for a lot uh and so they make the ultimate fighter season one the premise of course is two coaches two teams of mixed martial artists you get fights real fights at the end of every episode and people

progress and at the end like at least one of these guys is going to be a ufc star because they just went through the most difficult mixed martial arts mixed martial arts tournament in existence like literally they just went through and won it. Runners up on that show have amazing careers. Well, anyway, the way they made that show was amazing, but no one wanted it. They went to Spike TV. They're like, the man channel? Of course. This is where we go.

They were like, yeah, no, we don't want to buy that. Dana White says, will you take it for free? I said, what? Will you take it for free? I said, what? Will you take it for free and air it on your network and sell your ads on it and just do that for me? They're like, yeah, for free. Sure.

They take it and they run season one for free and it's a huge hit and it saves the UFC. It saves the UFC because it's so good. And a big part of it, pumping alcohol into a house with young men who are destined to fight each other next week, right? It never ends well. Tony Ferguson went crazy on that one guy. There's this one guy whose son had been taken from him, maybe custody battle. During the argument,

which was Tony's drunken fault? A silly, pranky argument. Where's your son at? Where's your son at? Screaming this at him. And the guy's like, ah, like melting down great drama on that show because there's a stocked bar basically there's an open bar in the middle of a house full

of mixed martial artists who are 18 to 25 you know like alpha male dudes who fight for a living who are drunk and it never ends well that's that's uh that's that thing was crazy my friend never begged me to do that show just because it's so fucking funny like that's the clip where i think it's i think it's chael sunnen i don't know but it's that clip where he's like i can't let you get close like and he's like you see now i think it's from there he's been begging to do that show and i'm like i'll get to it but like every clip i see from that show is so funny like whether they're like breaking down and crying more than you would think let me bang bro yeah let me let me he's crying his eyes out i am i am he's drunk crying

to these other men who are restraining him he's all red faced in the bathroom he's just let me bang bro just let me bang and and i don't even remember the context he wanted to fight he wanted whatever but just melting down people destroying shit fighting each other like getting in trouble in there that lots of drama one of the best dramas is the guy you got to cut weight you got to make weight for the thing that's a professional thing this one guy he's not doing the work to cut the weight he's not fixing his diet and he's not and the fight's coming up uh and they're like dude you're not doing the work to cut the weight. He's not fixing his diet, and the fight's coming up. They're like, dude, you're not doing the stuff you need to do to make weight.

You're our team member who fights this week. What are you doing? He's like, don't worry, bro. I get my colonic. That's two and a half pounds right there. They're like, what? What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Get in the sauna.

Get on the bike. Get your sweats on. Get in the bath. That's how you cut weight. Nah, bro. This colonic thing, trust me. And he's doing these light workouts and shit. Lighter than I do when I'm cutting weight. It's bullshit. Then he goes and gets a colonic, which is when they

pump your ass full of water. It's not an enema. That's amateur hour, okay? We're pumping your intestines full of, I don't know, gallons of liquid. And then cleaning you the fuck out. And the idea is that your intestines are caked with poop that's been there for a real long time.

And this is going to get that layer of poop that's coating the inside of your pipes to sloth off and really clean you out for the first time in decades maybe. Which actually sounds good, right? If you have poop inside you, you want to get it out. Well, it didn't work. It didn't work. They just had an awkward time

filming a UFC fighter basically get ass-fucked by a nurse and make awkward butthole noises. He didn't lose the weight. No. No. It wasn't enough doo-doo in him because he's getting them all the time. So he's regularly getting colonics. He's not allowing it to build up. I'm pretty sure Metamucil

does the same shit. Zach says it's only like a liter of liquid which I choose to disregard. I believe it's 10 liters. I choose to believe it's 4 to 5 gallons. It's like an office water jug just inverted into his ass. They do the spin shit to get the tornado inside.

They have to shotgun the top of it so there's airflow to go right into his ass uh speaking of reality tv i couldn't tell what show if this is a show but you have a video called adults adopting other adults is fucking weird is that a show it's a show that was discontinued halfway through the season because it got really weird yeah fill me in on this so i only followed one family on that show there was like a multiple like they were following like i think three different families and the one i followed was danny and kristin were adopting adopting this woman from another country she was 20 and she was pregnant and a whole thing with the adult adoption is like hey you don't have parents we're going to be your parent figures we're going to help you and support you through this pregnancy whatever sounds like a

good idea and then you find out through the course of the episode that danny he admits it he's like yeah we tried this before but unfortunately i did feel attraction towards the woman we were adopting and so we had to stop and then you're like oh okay i guess i guess that's a thing that happened and then now through this he's like showing signs that this is the same shit that's happening again. And his wife, Christine, is like, so not. Yeah, that's them. She's like, I'm so not for this. Show me the 20-year-old.

That's what I need to see. I mean, this is good for context. There's a part of the show where Danny, they're making a sign. They're going to go pick her up from the airport. And they make a sign. Oh, no. And the sign said, or he's asking his wife wife christine he's like what should i put on the sign she's like i don't know it's your sign because she doesn't want to do this at all and

he's like well if it were me i'd say uh welcome to blah blah blah where's my blowy and she's like and like it's so she doesn't want this she cries in the airport and at the time of filming i'm like oh maybe she's like okay maybe we're doing a good thing. We're helping someone. I don't think that's why she was crying. Yeah, I think it was because they were adopting a 20 year old that her husband wants to fuck. And then I think it gets weird. And they I think this couple is the reason they ended the show halfway through the season.

I don't know. What a scumbag. You got to be an idiot not to see this coming. And look, kudos to this gentleman for cracking the code, right? Twice. Cool guy of the week here, right? I mean, Taylor coming down with a hammer of judgment.

I'm lifting this king up, all right? Can you catch me up on this? I'm sorry. Basically, Woody, this guy on the left decided that he wanted to with his wife on the far right adopt a 20 year old adult who's pregnant but they'd previously had issues of trying this in the past with the guy on the left wanting to fuck the adult they're adopting and then it happened wouldn't you know it again and he's just adopting adults from around the world that he wants to have sex with wait or like maybe why haven't i've been told that you can adopt adult sluts i think it's

frowned upon well a and e might reach out to you if that's the case because they are looking for people to fill up the slot that they took up and i think there were like discourse on like tiktok and reddit that like there were people going missing in the area they were living in like human trafficking from like truck drivers and he's a truck driver and people were like connecting dots and be like was danny did he kidnap someone it was like there's no specific reason why they canceled it but like a lot of little maybe reasons yeah and so that's the reason i can't finish the fucking show that's fucking weird that's fucking weird i i uh i didn't know that you could adopt an adult as what he stated uh that usually it's like for people like if you have a step parent where you're

like you're like all right you've actually been a parent to me and like raised me and like i really love and appreciate you as like a father mother figure in my life i'm going to get the adoption papers ready and i want you to be my actual parent that's the main reason that people usually do it not like that you're being a little close-minded not often yeah and i think the adults being adopted want money right and then yes yeah that was the guidance was what she was coming to America for from him. And I'm sure you could have given her plenty if his bitch wife hadn't like knocked him out to the feds or whatever she did. She probably pulled like fucking Ted's because get Kaczynski's brother on him and just like like you couldn't have a talk with your brother.

That guy's a piece of shit. I mean, look, the other guy was a terror eco terrorist or whatever, blowing people up. That's neither here nor there. That's cool but his brother didn't have to rat him out i don't like that i wouldn't rat you out taylor if you taylor if i found out you were the fucking unibomber and that you had maimed people accidentally even because that's he didn't mean to maim some of those more innocent victims he really didn't they were packages addressed to you know ceo of fucking petrochemical blah blah blah and then you know maybe you get a secretary who opens his mail maim her real good that sucks i don't like that that's not cool the whole thing's not cool but if i found out you were doing it taylor i'd taylor

why are you doing this you're really taylor stressing our friendship you gotta cut it out you guys could have a harem of sugar babies like this guy was building and i wouldn't give you a hard time i give you high fives you do you i think it's just an abstract way of doing 90 day human trafficking you report that yeah if i if i catch you human remember we had this conversation i don't remember human trafficking anyway was it wait we'll get we'll get chris's opinion on this what was i think we were talking to drifter this was a couple years ago where all of us came down on the side of like if i think it was a like murder was the question like if your dad killed someone are you going to rat on your dad and i believe me kyle and woody like, no, I am not ratting on my dad.

And I think Drifter was like, he murdered someone. I gotta rat on him. And all of us were like, your own father! Yeah. Oh, the nerve! And even with no context, let's say your dad just got into an argument with another man, like a road rage incident,

and your dad took it way too far and killed the guy. another man road rage incident and your dad took it way too far and killed the guy. Nobody saw it happen but your dad tells you and then you see it on the news and he's like, I did that, son. And I'll be honest with you, it wasn't that he gave me no

choice. I had lots of choices. I could have just left at one point. He was still gurgling. The truth is, kyle i wanted to do it i killed him the first time in my life i felt well i'm not gonna say i'm gonna rat him out right away he didn't i need context okay it's exactly what i just said is it my stepdad not the comical part no your biological father that you love i don't know your real dad whatever situation i mean did he kill my stepdad no he didn't kill my stepdad? Not the comical part. No, your biological father that you love. I don't know, your real dad. I mean, did he kill my stepdad? No, he didn't kill your stepdad. If you don't like your stepdad,

then yes. Okay, well then no. What if he gave your real dad no choice? What if he was planning on killing your mother and your real dad stepped in, took a fucking iron, like an,

like a, like a clothes iron and just battered him until there was nothing left of his skull. You saw it. And you're like, dad, get out of here. Well,

that's important. I wouldn't know. I would, I wouldn't write him out. No, but that's the thing. I wouldn't just come out and say like, of course I have to,

it's murder. But like, I would, he let the iron heat up before he started that's a given what's the point of the iron if you're not going to let it heat up he had that bitch

on linen did you have to use the steam peel off her face you're not coming back from that it was definitely premeditated, Your Honor. He sprayed him three times for that. Let it heat up for like ten minutes. Well, if you look at the video, he's wearing

a shirt that says, this is my murdering shirt. It's like, ah, I knew that. And the shirt had no wrinkles. It was a bad idea. I'm certainly not going to go out of my way. Maybe like maybe under heavy grand jury questioning it's a different

story right they clearly put two and two together here they probably don't even need my testimony but me saying this other thing might send me up the river too it's like what are the rules am I allowed to plead the fifth here because I will about his yeah

you don't have to testify against your spouse. I'm almost positive that's true. Taylor, you've heard that. I think that's right. He's a video game attorney. He knows this sort of thing. I don't know about your dad. That's only because he didn't watch the rest of The Sopranos when Adriana went to the lawyer and was like, if I get married to Christopher,

will that make it so that we can't testify against each other? And they're like, that's kind of a murky territory. Anything that happened before the marriage is open game. It's like, oh, shit, that doesn't work

too well then because he's been a mobster for every second I've ever known him. So I marry my dad after. It's just too late. Yeah. I'm just not going to wrap my dad up is kind of the thing it was crazy the drifter was like straight into that although maybe his relationship with his father was a bit strained do you think could be could be we all have different relationships

i was asking shows for a minute he was dressed as a clown okay what are you gonna ask are you awarded a certificate of some kind or something. Can you full screen me, Zach? A fan sent that a while ago. It's hard to tell, but up top here is an American flag. It was one of the last flags to fly in Afghanistan. And I didn't earn it or anything. He asked me if I wanted it. I said yes.

And it comes with some sort of certificate authenticating that this was like a United States flag flown in some sort of honor and men folded it and did a ceremony and now it's mine and I treasure it that's very cool I like that you got your got your button up there I got I don't think I've ever taken my button out of the box I uh it's it was so heavy that I didn't even want to bother hanging it it was so it's the you't even want to bother hanging it. You're just heavy, right? The button? I'm confused. Oh, this is the gold button.

I bought a special wall mount because it's heavier than you'd guess. Way too heavy. You have one of the good old ones. Is that solid gold? Because I'm going to go crack it open. The new ones aren't the same? They don't come in glass frames. I have a silver one. I haven't hit the gold frame i have a silver one i haven't hit the gold one but the silver one it's like they used to be like the play button in the

glass frame and now it's just like a silver plaque or a gold plaque they cheaped out yeah it's not as cool as too many channels with a hundred thousand subscribers i mean yeah that's that's yeah but you know the linus uh thing with the plaque no oh with the plaque? No. Oh, with the plaque? I'm going to get some of this wrong. Sorry, but the way it was told to me is that Linus wanted to go to this... Linus was going to this auction to buy a play button that was

up for auction. He wanted it because I think he had been involved with the channel that it corresponded to in the past, and he wanted one for maybe a video or something or another. I'm a little foggy there. He gets there late and doesn't get it, and this other kid gets it, and what did they do?

I think they bullied that kid into killing himself. Oh, my God. What the fuck? No. Yeah. I think Linus is, that dad wrote this long message like, Linus, you're a monster. My son's not here anymore because of you. This long two-paragraph thing about how his fans, he's like, my son made this channel back in blah, blah, blah.

And he couldn't get his play button because of this, this weird thing that happened. And I really wanted to get him one. And, and then your fan base and you went after him. And I think the kid killed himself. It was dark. Wait,

Linus went after him. Look, his fans, a little foggy. I know that Linus is in a lot of trouble because of you know a lot of things right now right have you followed that at all i have no he's been on the show i don't think you were on that episode though i don't know why this is a lot of trouble they hired an independent investigator he did to like take a look at his company there because of all the allegations

that have been made and the self-harm and there's two one i don't understand he bought some sort of prototype block and auctioned it and apparently that's like a really bad thing to do i don't understand the details of why that was so horrible but that company feels like they were badly damaged and linus offered to pay them. And I think they took that and that's going to resolve, but everyone's super mad about it. The other thing is there are sexual assault allegations that happened at Linus tech tips. It's a company with like a hundred people there. And I don't think there,

anyone's accusing Linus himself of being a sexual assaulter, but someone under his employment was, and now they're hiring an independent investigator to get to the bottom of it I've seen him someone said that they had an interview with Linus and he said the first thing he said was so do you watch bestiality

you watch bestiality porn you like that stuff what's the right answer though if you're going for a job you're like yeah the answer is can I start recording this interview and we If you're going for a job, you're like, yeah. The answer is, can I start recording this interview and we start over? That was for a job interview? Allegedly. I don't know what's true.

Allegedly, according to the man that said it on YouTube in the video. I'm going to show you a video on my phone right now and I'm just going to gauge your response. Yeah, I don't know if you're right. I don't know if you're with the the culture we're trying to cultivate here sir so clop your way on out there is a uh you ever see silicon is it silicon or silicon valley silicon valley why don't i know this the tv show on hbo

uh anyway so the the funny character with the long shaggy hair they're calling him racist and in the process they're like you're fucking racist he's like i'm not racist and they're like do you watch any racial porn and he's like yes like trying to prove his not racist chops he's like yeah well which one's the girl the black one or the white one and and he's like i don't know which one's less racist it's really funny to me i'm like yeah i don't know what's less racist if the girl's white or if the girl's black i'm not sure i hope no one cares i really do i can't imagine caring what someone's watching no i only watch uh asian lesbian porn. That's it? No. How are you self-inserting?

Because you're not an Asian lesbian. I pretend like I'm the cameraman who helps them make pornography, and I play that character. You only watch special porn where it's two Asian lesbians, but you're the customs agent, and you get to decide if they come into the country. But first, they're going to have to be taken into a private room. They're going to have to prove

how much they love America. Yeah. But they always end up in custody one way or another. They do. It's like, you know what? We've got enough whores in this country already. Back to where you came from. That's dark. You shouldn't have blown me. That would be a good end. They're Asian.

Somehow the implied sexual assault didn't bug me as much until you had that where you came from. That's dark. You shouldn't have blown me. That would be a good end. They're Asian. I'm out. The implied sexual assault didn't bug me as much until you had that biting remark there at the end. Yeah, until the danger. Just being shitty. Yeah.

Yeah. It kind of hurt my feelings when you said it. You said it in a mean way. In a mean way. Chris, do you have 50, 60 copies of the same vhs behind you i've got 112 of uh babe the pig movie 112 what's the story behind that um well i went to a thrift store

a few years ago and there were 20 you went to all of them next to each other and i was like that's that's kind of funny it'd be funny if I bought that. And then I bought them. It wasn't that funny after I bought them, but I wanted to do one of those, like, you know, the, the teacher, like TV cart, they pull out, like when they're hung over and they play movie day. I wanted to get one of those, but I settled for this piece of furniture back there. And I've just been grabbing them ever, every time I see them. And it makes for a lot of people comments. So it's good for engagement because they're like what is that are those books do you like babe a lot i've never seen it

i'm kind of like at this point i don't think i'm ever that's what everyone that's what the old ladies at thrift store tell me they're like i love this movie and i'm like me too but like i've i don't really have any interest to see a tall guy james or jonathan cromwell something like that in it james the farmer james cromwell yeah it's for a movie about for a kid's movie about a pig in a farm it's it's very good very good um it's very good i i love that movie it'll make you cry um like there's a you know at first the the pig wants to be a sheep herding pig. He doesn't want to conform to what pigs are supposed to do. His hero is the female sheep herding like Border Collie.

And she's normally the one who has to do all the sheep herding now because the male Border Collie went deaf because he stayed out all night in the storm with the sheep. The stupid sheep. That's how he feels. Those stupid sheep took my ears. male border collie went deaf because he stayed out all night in the storm with the sheep the stupid sheep that's how he feels those stupid sheep took my ears i can't herd right now i can't hear the master's call and most importantly he can't compete in these tournaments where you herd sheep professionally and it's just this huge blow to his ego and he's he's laying it all on the pig you can't do it you know just being awful and then when the little pig does it

at the end it's a tearjerker and then he does like he i think he saves the farm at the end not only does the pig win the big dude he's never seen it no he's never gonna this is this is better he's got 120 fucking copies if he was gonna watch it what happened by now this is as close as he's ever gonna get spoilers at the very end, as Kyle mentioned, the pig does a good job. Now, what he didn't mention was the farmer's like super duper stoic. He's real cheap with the compliments. And when the pig just

smashes it and does an outstanding job that no one thought a pig could do, he goes, that'll do, pig. That'll do. It is hard to explain just how great that praise is when he says that'll do pig he is that is the highest level of of gushing praise that this man can ever give and it makes me want to tell other people that'll do pig when they do a good job.

Right? So like, I don't know. Maybe my wife's good in bed. Maybe a kid like gets something right. I am inspired to say that'll do pig, but I know no one's going to get it. No one's going to understand. I say it to my dogs all the time.

I say in front of people all the time. I reference this movie. Let me tell you the climax of this movie. Treat yourself to this, viewers, if you've never seen Babe. Watch Babe when he does the finals of the sheep herding competition because here's the thing. Spoilers alert for real. The dogs, the way they herd sheep is they chase them and bark.

The sheep speak, you know, pig. And they all speak the same, like, secret animal language or whatever. So the pig is like, what's going on, ladies? When he walks up to the sheep and they're like oh the mean wolf tries to bite us he's like oh no there's not he he wants you to go in that pen over there would you pretty please go in that pen over there and then he tells him the secret word that his that his uh sheep pal from back home whose life he actually saved told him bah ram you they go oh shit he knows the secret fucking code all of them like stand up to attention he doesn't have to chase him he doesn't

have to bark or snort i guess they just get in line and go perfectly through the fucking course and like line up like items on a shelf like like in rows and then the pig goes up and closes the gate i think or maybe the farmer just latches it and that's all he ever has to do and it just goes click and the crowd was wild because this is like a soccer stadium full of people watching this make-believe sport and it's beautiful you gotta watch that fucking movie man i'm like i've already had well it's terrific it's right there with's right there when Captain America grabs the shield in Endgame. It's so like that.

And I haven't seen it. I can't believe you haven't seen Babe. Just terrible. I think it's been in the background. I used to play movies on the... because the Babe Station works. You can put a VHS in there and it'll play. And I used to put it in the background of my videos, but people would be like, I'm just watching the movie in the background and i'm like that's not the point

watch me and so i stopped doing it but i think one video i did babe is playing in the background and i think editing that video is the most i've watched of babe that's a good theme i like you have a nice fun movie in the background while you're making fun of retards and and they're stupid ass shows yeah people comment they're like people they're like what is that in the background while you're making fun of retards and and they're stupid ass shows yeah people comment they're like people they're like what is that in the background i'm like you could just like i have a video that i made when i bought them of like putting that thing together and like if you just type in my name and babe you'll find it but people are like no i'm just gonna comment i hate comments i hate so much it's it's It's the worst. Are there any reality shows you've reviewed that you're actually like,

I would watch this and not make content of it? Like, this is actually good? Most of them, honestly, yeah. I mean, my favorite one, it doesn't do as well, but it's It Takes a Thief. If you guys remember that. I haven't heard of that. It's a Discovery Channel reality show

where these two ex-burglars, Matt john have left their life of crime behind and they are now under contract with the discovery channel and they go through and they just burglarize homes and then like give them a security upgrade and then like help them out but like it's a good concept for a show but john the guy that looks much more like a home alone burglar, he's the guy that like actually does the deed and he is relentless. Like he breaks shit. He like throws like all your tax documents you had organized on the table, like all around.

And he'll like break that photo. Yeah. The one on the right, one of them looks more like a burglar than the other. What an asshole. The one on the right. That's the guy. Yeah.

He's the burglar. And the one on the left looks like he just like broke into his ex-wife's house to get his baseball cards back and now he's a record and why would you do that why would you like break things because their whole thing is like well if this was a real burglar then you know this is what would happen and it's the kind of thing that happens and it's like well it's tv it's discovery channel you don't have to break that yeah it's still like a real burglar wouldn't be that concerned with breaking family photos like a real burglar is going to sprint to the tv steal that check for a pc look around for a safe realize it's a big giant safe it's too heavy

to move maybe fail to get into it and then leave it's 2004 family album it's 2004 it's like people treasure the most we have to break shit on the way in and like it's 2004 so they're like oh yeah I got your PDA it's like I got your blackberry dude that would be the move

right you break into somebody's house and you steal their treasured family album or something like that they pay a lot of money to get that back. More than a dog, maybe. If your goal was just to be annoying, like you're going to break into someone's house and be annoying as fuck, what would you take? I'd actually

leave stuff. I'd shit. I'd piss. I'd make myself vomit. My DNA is on record. I'm not going to do any of that. I'm going to put on that same fucking suit Marky Mark had at the end of Departed

if I go into somebody's house. Are they going to know that I did something? Or is the thing that I did going to let them know that I did something? I know that's a bit of a weird question. I feel like it's up to you. Your goal is to break into a house and annoy somebody. What's your method? Toilet paper.

I'm going to leave a note on their kitchen table that says I rubbed my asshole on one of your possessions. I had a similar idea. Something like that. I wanted to leave a note that said

that I stole something and that they'll never get it back but then don't steal anything so they spend all their time wondering what you yeah i wasn't gonna rub my asshole on anything dna remote caked and shit it's like oh i found it it's in the cucumber drawer. Son of a bitch. It's still got a condom on it. I bet there's a way to jerry-rig a hot water heater so it'll pop.

So that it'll explode. I've seen... I don't know what makes those explode, but i don't know what makes those explode but uh like tremendously i know what makes them explode the the get rusty and the the valve goes bad the release valve or whatever but sometimes when they pop they don't just flood a basement i think if the older ones it's an explosion like not a little silly explosion either boiler though instead of a hot water heater where they're like pressurized

maybe I have it in my head it's a hot water heater maybe I'm just wrong but I thought those could just explode explode if those valves go wrong it's more than an annoyance I'm sure new ones have passed that a little bit they'll be so annoyed

when their child dies from the hot water heater that sucked a little bit He's like, they'll be so annoyed when their child dies from the hot water heater. I blew my house up. That sucked a little bit. I'm going to put a small leak in their gas line. If you just turn the water heater off, it would take me two weeks to notice. I'd be like, man, this sucks.

This water heater has been sucking lately. I finished my whole shower. It's so cold. Yeah, you annoy them by leaving the gas on and making a Rube Goldberg machine so that when they open their front door, it lights a match. Where did all these pulleys come from? That's a water heater taking off.

Yeah, that would annoy me. That's a big boy. That looks like fucking 80 gallons or something. What was those things? Was it like bottle rockets or something like you could you put a little water in it and you really compress it full of air and they shoot and they shoot in the sky then i might be the only one old enough you could make played with this you can make like like dry ice rockets or something no basically you had a rocket and an air pump you pumped a

ton of air and then it would shoot the water out. And then you're like 100 feet in the sky. There was this kind of toy that just didn't appeal to me because we had crazy farm implements and stuff. It's like, no, let's not do that. Let's lay it. When it became a slip and slide, we didn't have a slip and slide. We had this curtain material they use on chicken houses that's like six feet wide, and we have a mile of it. So we'd just make a gigantic

slip and slide down down a hill you know we would so we would skip over certain toys that were more appropriate for a backyard yeah like a little rubber ball doesn't really get it done on a farm there's cooler shit to mess with well yeah it yes and no man i it's such it's so boring it was so boring all the time it's so boring yeah eventually it's like i've done that you know and i didn't have like a i had a 350 i think so it wasn't some sports model that would do anything too aggressive um i think it was a 350 yeah i don't know it was just after a while you've ridden the ATV across the pasture and jumped all the hills, and we're going to have to blow some trees up

or go fight a hornet nest with sticks or something to raise the stakes. There was nothing to do. Or go smash mailboxes. That's how I would end up in trouble. Although I never got caught for those mailboxes. No. Now you can talk about it on your podcast

because the statute of limitations done well i mean who's i mean i was just kidding about the mailboxes there were no mailboxes like frank no there were no there was no there were no rocks nervously trump is did his mugshot all right to back up a step i have spent the entire day pants around ankles dick in hand waiting for trump's mugshots to get dropped this is a liberal's dream and i'm just getting blue balls at this point where are the mugshots i'm seeing fake ones i don't see it like ones that look real but like i'm seeing three different ones that look real and god i hope he looks good i bet he will i'm seeing a lot of i think he's gonna look and ai ones he's gotta look better than rudy giuliani his yeah i don't

understand why people are taking such bad pictures there's one come on no no we all know what they look like there's a certain kind of background put him didn't put him in a jumpsuit. One woman, Jenna Ellis maybe? There she is, top left. She took a good picture. Nailed it. Third to the right, blue shirt. Worst picture ever. You should see that guy. He doesn't... Well, Giuliani looks bad. But I would argue the guy in the blue shirt.

I looked him up. He's a handsome guy who seems to have his act together. That's the worst picture he's ever taken. Zach, show him my mugshot, Zach. Let me show you how you do this. You don't want to smile necessarily unless you're a lady. You smile as a man. I feel like you look like you're taking things lightly.

And I had it in my head that like, what if they pull my mugshot up in court? And they're like, look at him. Couldn't even take the arrest seriously. So I was like, let's just, yeah, right? Just chilling. Just chilling. Your hair looks good.

Just normal. And see, you took the time to push your hair over a little bit. I was doing that right before. Yeah, yeah. I was like, alright, let's not look... See, you could have helped the blue shirt guy out if we go back to him because he has all of his hair in one column on one side of his head.

And I don't think that's how it normally looks. He looks like Quentin Tarantino was freeze dried. Oh, that's pretty good. He does. He kind of looks similar to that. Yeah, Rudy Giuliani, he just looks old. And also he looks old as shit.

He looks angry. That that guy this is a politician he he was corrupt let me look at what money laundering right is this a mugshot that's no yes that's tom delay he was the house majority leader a republican dude and he was sentenced to three years for money laundering that is the greatest mugshot I've ever seen in my life. That is kind of what I'm thinking Trump is going to do. Trump is going to go up there. In real life, he's going to be concerned because this is a scary thing,

but he won't look it in his mugshot. He is going to look like this is a good day for him and he's not worried. I think Trump is going to kill it. It will be the most popular t-shirt of all time. This might be the most viewed mugshot in the history of mankind.

We should probably sell Trump mugshot t-shirts, huh? You think he'll be litigious about that? He's not litigious, Taylor. I don't think he owns the rights to his mugshot, which is kind of the whole idea. They're taking his picture, not giving it. Have you seen? It's become a trend to like build your, so if,

if, can you go back to that a bunch of mugshots? Oh yeah. If I stopped using mine, all of it. Nope. Nope. Didn't work. Uh,

you see the, the background is distinctive. There's kind of a sheriff's logo maybe in the corner. Yeah. Colton County. Uh, yeah. Well,

I guess there's apps already that can let, we'll put your picture on there and give you a mugshot. People are doing it in solidarity. People are doing it as a joke. But that mugshot has become like an internet meme now. Well, some of them nailed it. Lighting went crazy on the middle lane.

Right? Right? That's what I was going to say. Maybe top left? I think they need to lean back. I think they need to take a step back because they're right under the fucking light. that lady in the top left dynamite nailed it nailed it like what happened to blue shirt's hair it looks like they slapped him in the side of the face

right before they took this like i said stand said, stand up straight, blue boy. And he's just with his hair all fucked. With the blue hair, I can't tell where it's coming out and where it's supposed to be because it's, I've never seen half of a head so perfectly bald and the other half so not. It's shocking. Is it growing out just from this tuft in the middle and he's

chosen only to go to the right only to go to the right with the tuft that only exists in the middle that's a it looks like just colic hair like it doesn't look thick enough to be the right like actual head hair it's like his colic like those old like like you know like like old cartoons they had like the little little boy characters had the little tuft in the front and that was it like that's what his hair looks like almost yeah they should have given him a comb or something i think they arrested a gym teacher here zach i'm doing it so i think it's safe google image search ray stalling smith just to show what this guy looks like stalling smith who is that that he is blue shirt that's the guy that we're talking about and i just want to do a google image search so you see random pictures of him nothing like

super selective or whatever look at what this guy really looks like it is so much better than his mugshot damn it i need that head that's not google image i wanted like the montage of cutting off the good shit oh yeah a little scroll which a mix there yeah but give me some scrollage just like do this guy let's see the top left scroll above the check yeah this is what this guy looks like by himself you would hardly recognize him from the blue shirt mugshot yeah definitely but you can you can see even here how the hair ended up like that because look at that left side. There is not a lot going on there. Maybe this was an older picture

and it's receded more. Well, poor guy. He should just go bald. He doesn't look like a good bald. Do you guys think that's the point where you should just shave if you get to the point where there's just no hair

in this whole area or get a rug I think it's too early to shave now I might be yeah yeah I know I'll admit his hairlines receded especially on the side like back a whole lot I just he still has

skull hair in the middle he's got a widow's peak that doesn't make I don't think you shave it bald at that point there's a whole column that's like pull the picture up i like yeah even his good picture you can see the mugshot like i just think this is a bald man yeah i think that if you connect from the front all the way down to the back of your neck then it's not i don't think he does it looked to me like he's got a long strand of hair that just oh that's worse than i thought that's so awful this is worse red foreman red foreman is he's better than this this is disgusting

you know what's insane is it weird back there look how it looks it looks like a toupee he's kind of showing it off too he's like look at it like he's he's kind of tilting his head a little bit you know what i've got it yeah his hair is so thick on the top and the sides and i assume the back i think that's a fair assumption he is an excellent transplant i'm sorry an excellent hair transplant candidate right if your hair is thin on the back and stuff kyle says i'm wrong hair transplant candidate right if your hair is thin on the back and stuff kyle says i'm wrong i might yeah but if your hair is thin on the back you can fix this woody is what is all i'm saying no there's not enough hair on on this man's body look at how hairy his hairy part is he could give up a little that's all right so i think that's

deceptive if you look at the top of his head where it looks thick it looks to me like he's grown out nine inches of hair and folded it over and over on top of itself origami style and he's got donald trump fucking sideburns or whatever like the whole sides of his head are so thick and waxed back that they look like they're again nine inches long of hair that he's woven into some sort of a fucking self-grown weave and this guy's got way less coverage this guy's got weird hair dude what he's got growing on his forehead that doesn't look like it started at the hairline that looks like it's from like way far yonder back you pulled it all the way photoshopped around the ears what happened yeah if these

kind of guys can't just afford to get hair transplant surgery like what okay kyle maybe you know more but i thought woody's point was salient in that people who have a bunch of thick like neck hair like all that shit back here those are the people who and i know they say don't do hair transplants until you're finished losing all your hair to see like where it goes because otherwise you'll lose it again. But why couldn't that guy just start inching forward with the back hair? And on the inching? Just moving.

Imagine if he doesn't have enough hair left, I feel like. There's not enough back there to depopulate, to grow a whole new head of hair, which is what he's missing. He's missing the main part. I think he has enough. I could be crazy. He's in the middle part like i think he has enough i could be crazy in the middle and taylor to counter your point like don't do it until you lose it you need to get on finasteride now and then you'll stop losing it and you can repair your hair before

it gets worse i think that guy's too late i was on it for like last summer did it work well i was on one of those like online like pharmacy places where they're like, you take pictures of your head. And I'm like, I just don't want to lose my hair because my dad did. And they're like, all right. And they prescribed it to me. And then I ran out and they're like, all right, we need to re-prescribe you. So I had to like, I was like, all right, I don't care. And I forgot about it.

I didn't want to take pictures of my hair again. So re-prescribing is clicking three more buttons and potentially sending them another picture of the top of your head. That's what they wanted. I've got a regular prescription. But if I said, fuck that, I've got to not watch Babe. That should take a minute. He's got things to do. That's uber confidence to be like,

yeah, it's a click away, but fuck it. I don't even care. It's a click away and it's cheap as fuck. It's a milligram of it's cheap today and you keep all your goddamn hair most of the time at the very least it slows it to a creep and uh that keeps stock and you might get some bad men or something like that yeah you'll absolutely grow hair back uh and it raises your testosterone to some extent some small extent i'm worried that like wearing hats too much like i'm getting like the little bit of

receding like right here like for the most part i'm getting like the little bit of receding, like right here, like for the most part, I'm not like, I haven't lost any hair, but like when I like do my hair, I'm like, Oh, there's like a little bit of skin up here that I don't remember there being. And so I'm,

I wonder if that's the hats. Well, we've also discussed, there is a hairline that's, you want to lose some of your hair. So you don't look like a child. There's like a hairline a child. So you don't have I can't think of that character.

Maybe that Munster kid from the Munsters. You don't want Eddie Munster hair. Show us Eddie Munster. You don't want some shit like this. I think you want to lose just a little bit so you look a little bit more distinctive. You look like you've seen some shit.

Maybe people take you a little more seriously. If you let like you've seen some shit maybe people take you a little more seriously if you're if you let them not like ma'am you're over inflating that tire ma'am she looks at your hairline she's like i bet i am over inflating it she sees a little man boy over there she's like fuck off kid and she blows herself up you don't want to be dealing with this though this is awful i don't know i think i'm gonna look 19 for the next 20 years and i'm 5 8 so like i don't think i't think my hairline's going to help me. They're going to be like, go find your dad.

Can you open this guy? I know we looked at him before. That's a disgusting picture you found of Eddie Monster. I didn't know he looked like that. I thought he was way more handsome. Now I'm not sure. Those were his real ears. Really vascular cheeks. I don't think those are even his real ears. This guy. Are you going think those are even his hair this guy are you

gonna tell me you want to isn't this the target isn't this the hairline that every guy wishes he had that's it's pretty aggressive it's tall it's pretty good but it's almost it's bordering on almost too low that's like bordering on too wealthy it looks like his hair is overtaking his face to some extent it It gives him small face. I'm just saying he could lose like a millimeter and it'd be a little better. Yeah. Zach, pull up the picture and scroll all the way to the bottom of what I did. It shows Ross from Friends who has a similar hairline to this, like super aggressive.

And then it shows like Jon Hamm with a normal mature hairline. like John Hamm with a normal mature hairline and then Tom Hanks with the beginning of the Norwood pulling back. You have to go all the way to the bottom to see the comparison one.

I heard all the Jews got together and decided that Bradley Cooper's fake nose wasn't anti-Semitic. We talked about that on Harley's podcast. Check out. I don't even know if the episode I did with him is live, but we can touch on the Jew nose thing after this. I'll jot that down.

Jew nose. Do you think Ross's hairline is worse than Jon Hamm's? I just don't like looking at Ross. Ross is a little disadvantaged. Jon Hamm is one of the best looking men in Hollywood. Could you just leave that up for the rest of the show? Actually, could you just put Jon Hamm's face over somebody else's

and just have Jon Hamm? Yeah, I guess you're right. You can't... Because it's not like Ross's hair. Ross's hairline is too close to his eyebrows. It is. It's too close. I bet his hair does not look like that now

i bet if you found a current ross it's more like um like john hams interesting yeah you're right you can't really compare those two because john ham is a much better looking guy in every possible way nothing against you anything ross is in better shape yeah john ham could root for any nhl team but he's a hardcore blues fan so can you just one more before we change topics can you pull up a ronald reagan portrait oh he to me is always one of like the hairline alphas like one of the best hairlines i can think of of any man ever and i bet i bet he slices the the thread the needle i should say between like ross and john ham the tailor is going should say, between Ross and Jon Hammett. Taylor's going to say, all right, this is a perfect mature hairline, not a semi-receded hairline.

Oh, I wanted older Reagan, but it hasn't changed. I wanted President Reagan. Yeah, that's his hairline up until he died. He had dementia and forgot he was president and his hair was still perfect he kept it all oh my god he's got it i'm glad he has a young and an old you can see you win this you win this one that ronald reagan has the best hairline of all time yeah holy shit president reagan you know i don't care about all the other stuff his hair looks good yeah yeah i i follow politics a lot but people don't always want to hear about politics but you know we can still talk about

famous people of course we can talk about no politicians airlines all day i want to see uh it's it's a shame that they're taking president trump's but uh mugshot but when it comes out i got to see it i'm curious about about what that's going to look like. So I definitely want to see that. Have you been following the Logan Paul, Dylan Dennis fight at all? And all the drama surrounding it? Yes. I don't know that I've heard everything. It's hard to know. So here's the setup.

Dylan Dennis is like fucking with Logan Paul about his wife. Or not his wife. His fiance. Yeah. So Dylan Dennis, um, sort of, you can call him an ex UFC fighter, I guess,

friend of Conor McGregor's and, uh, Logan is, yes, notorious troll. And he, he's fighting Logan Paul, uh,

in this, uh, this boxing match. They're sort of co-maning eventing. Um, and KSI is fighting Tommy Fury, uh, on the same card. and they had their big press

conference the other day and it was a goddamn shit show fucking meltdown for like a dozen reasons like daddy fury got into a rage and was like i'll beat any man in this room that's not a man in the head as mine as i am or some shit and then he punched the table but he hit it so hard that it like bowed in the middle like like a cartoon or something and he got a big pop from the crowd and he thought the crowd just hated tables so he just starts flipping all the tables over and raging but that but wait and logan paul's jumping up and down like rooting him on it was very silly but dylan dennis has been so mean to logan paul that people are asking, is it too mean? Is it too mean?

I guess Logan Paul's fiance, this beautiful Sports Illustrated model, has made her rounds around Hollywood a few times. My goodness. So that's his fiance stuck on a bird with the bottom completely blown out

of the bird. I'm not sure what he's implying with that, but then he didn't. Oh, I could help you. Montage. Yeah. So this woman is,

she's smoking hot, right? She is. What? Everyone has their own version of a perfect woman, but she's, she's somebody's bullseye. She's very,

very good model. Yeah. Right. And she has dated like a who's who in Hollywood. She's 31 years old. Shockingly, of a perfect woman but she's she's somebody's bullseye she's very model yeah right and she has dated like a who's who in hollywood she's 31 years old shockingly probably not a virgin and they're just showing her kissing like celebrities dozens of our musicians and it and it they're showing her when she dated dozens of other men and she is on she's like on uh social media with them or what she's with leonardo dicaprio like you know like like lots and it

wasn't just like a fan picture they're like his hands like around her and she's reaching up and putting her fingers interlacing into his like they're a couple like she's been by every seven years like a list people like dude her list of a listers it might be the best list of a listers like the montage zach does she have ryan gosling or brad pitt or like it's a it's fucking like super good looking hollywood i just remembered leo and like leo leonard oh yeah Careful about the nudity. And then there are some like musicians. Anyway, she has been around a little bit. Oh, and she's also been on podcast talking about I'm going to get this wrong, but like levels of exposition. No, exhibition.

I can't. Do I have the word? She said she sucks a dick at a football stadium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there might have been some other public sex acts that she's done too. So if you're Logan Paul, you see this and you're like, eh, maybe I don't wish this was the topic of conversation. Oftentimes in fights, people leave family alone, but not Dylan Dennis. Yeah, it's got to be hurting his feelings

since it's just on and on and on um this this is obviously just i don't know who some of these oh this is dylan dennis is uh his twitter so he's an ex ufc fighter is he trying to get back in the mix in he's kind of a c-level fighter and an a plus level troll he hasn't fought in years um and the the thing he's most famous for right now is pulling out of the last fight um and and making a whole shit uh shit show of the the event pulled out yeah that is something i understand in the ufc community to be very much disliked right like pulling out of fights that tends to ruin your reputation. Yeah, but I don't even think it was a UFC fight. I think he was doing one of these silly fights

like this Logan Paul thing. That's not a real fight. It's, I don't know, whatever you want to call it. But we're not watching because this guy's the X-ranked fucking middleweight or some shit. We just want to see the freak show of Logan Paul fighting. I don't care how good Jake Paul is at boxing. I just like seeing him fight ex-UFC

fighters. He used to be really good. It's fun to watch him knock him out, honestly. I never liked Anderson Silva. Knock him the fuck out. Jake Paul's winning me over with his pre-fight builds. The fighting itself, he's a great fighter. I am not terrific at judging how good strikers are, although

Sugar Shane O'Malley really impressed me. He was so good. We can circle back to that. But Logan Paul can take an L. And I'm finding that to be a really impressive attribute in a person, especially in a man. Like when someone lands a good verbal blow on him, he just acknowledges it, smiles, says, yeah, alright, that was solid. I'll give you credit for that. I like it. And it doesn't seem to actually bother him. He doesn't care. He's just

trying to sell a fight, win a fight, and I just admire the way he handles the criticism. He's fantastic at it. Sure. The whole thing's pretty interesting i i'm gonna watch that fight now because i want to see if you know logan's emotional and uh how he fares against uh dylan dennis i think i don't know i think i think logan wins it looks real bad if he loses because he lost his last one too wasn't it thomas can't beat youtubers it's very rare that a professional athlete beats a YouTuber. Hmm.

Yeah. You just have to pick like an ex basketball player or a grappler and don't grab my bubble. I like it. Blow it up. If you not, if you beat Tyron Woodley twice, I don't care if he's older. Like,

like that's what I feel about that. Conor McGregor win over, um, cowboy Cerrone. It's like, yeah, cowboy was getting older, but he's still the same man.

Like he might be a little bit slower, but Conor took him apart. And I saw a great clip where they pieced together where Cowboy had talked shit to Conor's face like years prior when Conor was trying to win the 45 pound strap. And he's like, we're too big for you. We'll break you. And he's like, we're too big for you. We'll break you. And then it's like cut to rap music as Conor kicks him in the head and then starts just throwing that left over and over into the side of Cerrone's head until he collapses and the ref stops it.

Is that what happened? It was a shoulder blow or something. Well, that was the first thing that happened. They clenched. Well, the first thing that happened is McGregor misses a huge left. Cowboy ducks under it. I'm sorry, Kyle. clench well the first thing that happened is is mcgregor misses a huge left right uh cowboy ducks under it i'm sorry kyle i'm pretty sure that's it i expected a lot more my goodness trump he looks you know hang on hang on you know what he looks like to me i'm looks like a bald eagle ready to

strike that's what i see i see this instead of doing happy and like this is all fun and games he's brought his game face this is game face trump he's angry he's clearly angry are you sure this is real he's saying i think it is i'm seeing it on like the latest on twitter like it's it's like all over now over this is game face trump i saw a fake one that looked real but so he oh that's fake i think that's the fake one well that one's much better than the other one. But the other one, the one from before, I think that's real. Get out of there. You think this is the real one?

I don't love this. I think... Game face Trump. I would rather see him do what... Like that spin? If I were on a panel right now, I'd be like, that's game face Trump right there. He is fired up.

He's letting America know. He's letting us know. You want to talk about dog whistles? This is an eagle cry. This is the man that's protecting me. They're coming after me and he's in the way. No, I like Tom DeLay's picture

a thousand times more and I thought Donald Trump would bring that. I swear to God, I meant everything I just said. That's what I genuinely think is happening here. I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. I said this won't be my easiest masturbation session, but I'll get it done.

Get it done? Are you going to come tribute the president? The 78-year-old man. And then I'll tweet it out. You're going to come tribute the president? Oh my God, that would be so awful do i think trump is a no i think that's a pretty thoroughly debunked he's had

like audience members come up during his speeches and let them pull his hair and i saw an imager like image that explained how he combs it and uh once i understood how he combs it i'm like i see he's really maximized what he can do with the hair he has and um if you don't know i'm not a trump fan at all but i will give credit when it's due i think that you know with with the way he grows hair there isn't a better answer for it he wouldn't look good bald and he looks as good as he can i've seen those edits where it's like what he would look like if he was an actual like normal old man and it's rough it's like it's weird seeing him as an actual like a real old man not the old man that he's done himself but like the real thing it's like the it's like uh the simpsons episode where lisa needs braces they're

at the orthodontist and he's like this is is what Lisa will look like after, uncorrected, one year, two years, three, and her mouth is exploding with teeth. They're coming through your face. They're just branching out like briars. Alright, I think you really want to sell these braces, Doc. I don't know.

So when they show Trump looking like the crypt keeper, I mean, yeah. Look, I'm not. That's my grandpa. He looks like shit, but he looks better than the average man of his age and lifestyle. There it is. Nailed it. Yeah, at least in

classic episode, by the way. Chris, yeah, that's a great episode where they I won't get into a Simpsons episode. Subscribe. When when you're not watching absurd episode where they i won't get into a simpsons episode no it's fine uh subscribe whole simpsons episode when uh when you're not watching absurd reality show tv what do you like to do for fun keep yourself occupied um either play call of duty unfortunately or um watch the same tv shows over over again um yeah mostly call of duty which uh which tv shows are we talking

about that you've been watching over and over i usually watch the same like five episodes of seinfeld over and over again or parks and rec but mostly seinfeld not even the whole no i do watch so like i go and watch like they played on i watch tv land at at 2 AM, which like, I don't think I'm the demographic for, but, um, or like I watch, there's the two episodes that I watch at least once every month. It's the bad boy,

George or the, um, God, what's the other episode? Oh, the opposite. Yeah. That's the one I watched those two once a month.

You like the, you like the George coming into his own episodes. George is, yeah, he's the, he's the one but then like on whenever i see like season two or earlier i'm like this is not the same fucking show this is a very different show like kramer is like not kramer and everyone it's like yeah it's kramer is a little like he's almost more suave in season one and then it's like yeah all

right kramer be like every room you go into you we want you to barrel in we want you to fall in you know go crazy and it's much funnier than you know he was kessler in the first uh in the pilot not kramer because kramer is the kramer was the actual name of larry david's uh across the hall neighbor and he had a relationship much like jerry's relationship with Kramer, where they kept their apartments open, unlocked so they could pass in between. And so initially he was like, let's not name it after my neighbor. Let's make it Kessler since the character is based on him.

And they're like, no, this isn't going to work. And they went to him and maybe paid him a thousand dollars or something. That guy to this day, the real kramer um he runs the kramer seinfeld tour and you can hop on the bus with this guy and he'll tell you larry david stories and episode stories while he drives you around i guess to all the the hot spots that they filmed that surely the diner and places like that is larry david wealthier than seinfeld billion bucks i would say say neck and neck probably because their main breadwinner

they're probably 50-50 on. Although, I don't know what Jerry makes for all those comedians and cars shows he does. You'd think they'd pay him buku or he wouldn't do it. But then on the other hand, Larry David's done 10 seasons on HBO

of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, that's got to be put him ahead i don't know what that phase you know you might be he might it might be a passion project for that guy it's so i love that show that dry humor that just let the joke fall i can't watch too much of it it's like sometimes it's a bit much my teeth hurt because it's like ah come on don't don't act like this don this. Don't embarrass yourself and everyone else at this fucking bar mitzvah or whatever. I love it. Because Larry says, the idea is that Larry David says whatever he fucking wants to.

And it's kind of, if he was a normal human being, I'd probably hate him. But because Larry David has become Larry David, billionaire actor man, I'm like, yeah. Larry's right all the time. You should all fall in line and listen to what Larry says. I love the my favorite episode might be, and it's a newer episode, The Spite Shop where he gets mad at the coffee shop. So he buys retail

space next to them, adjoining them in the mall and makes his own coffee shop. And he undercuts their prices and he like improves on all the problems that he had over there and he keeps slashing prices like the other guy can't keep up because larry david's a billionaire he don't give a fuck it's a spike store and and and you see this like behind the scenes hollywood reporter being like it's a new trend spike stores and they go like all these celebrities who got like mad at a jeweler or

something so just ruined this little jeweler's business like britney spears is like yeah they talk shit to me i'm not having it i'm rich bitch so she's like got her own jewelry store just driving the other people out of business it's a great episode i love the interview with larry david the interview with him where he's talking about like i think i don't remember the guy that interviewed him but he was asking like um what's like the longest you'd go for a destination wedding and he's like i wouldn't like if i have to get on a plane like hour and a half drive is the most i'll go to a wedding i'm like that yeah makes i'm not flying across the country for a wedding my uh this is funny my brother is having to go to spain for a wedding who's wet well not to get

too detailed but like what kind of friend it is or just a friend is he the best man i don't think so i i actually haven't asked it really many followers look i'm not going to spain unless i think i think he's on that cut i think he's a groomsman but like hear me out but well basically what they did because i was like dude you're gonna go to fucking spain for a wedding and he's like yeah it's kind of a big thing and so we're just like turning it into a big vacation okay so like making it we have to go to spain anyway so we're gonna to take a European vacation. So I'm with you, Taylor, and I guess now Kyle.

But I think that when you have a destination wedding like that, your presence is the gift, right? You don't often give like $1,000 when you have to fly to Spain to attend the wedding. I think that's normal protocol. It could be wrong. I think that was the whole point of the interview. Well, Woody, We traveled all the way

to wherever the fuck that time to Joe's wedding. We wrote him a check. That wasn't a destination wedding. For us it was. Did we fly or drive? I don't remember. We drove, remember? I slept. I know you slept on the way. I was a bad navigator on the way back.

That was the fight. I'm talking about the wedding. Did we fly to the wedding or drive? I don't remember now. I'm not positive anymore. Yeah, I'm not either. I remember very little about that trip. Your snoring never bothered me, by the way. Growing up with my dad... You can tell because he doesn't even remember.

I didn't know it would have been. No, I snore like a champion have been I remember when we watched Mad Max Mad Max was in theaters whenever that was Woody wears a BPAP because a CPAP is bitch made can't handle it

he's close to APAP territory I like that BPAP is a better CPAP. Now I don't snore at all. I'm like a vampire. Arms like this on my back. I take slightly more room than a pencil in bed. And not a noise.

I haven't been able to sleep properly. It feels weird. I haven't slept properly in weeks. What's going on there? Stupid fucking dog, he gets in the bed and he stands in the middle of the bed and then he collapses into me hard. Like he's 60 pounds or so. Seven.

I don't know. Maybe more. I haven't weighed him lately, but I'm like, like knocks me over and I'm like, all right, if I scooch away, he'll scooch into me until we're all the way on the edge.

So I can't scooch away because what he wants is to lean into me with all of his weight to know that I've got his back over there. So that lasts until he gets hot, though, which doesn't take very long. So he gets on the floor, on the hardwood, and he sploots out. That's when the legs stick out the back, and he cools off, cools his belly off on the hardwood. That's fine. I don't mind. Well,

now we're too cold though. Got to hop back in bed with Kyle collapse into him again. And that happens over and over throughout the night. Sometimes I'm just in the fetal position, basically where my pillows go, like, like just there. And he's got the whole rest of the goddamn bed.

Cause that Rocky, the Rocky is the Malamute. He's the old dog, but Toby is the one-year-old. Toby might eat a sleep study. Put some sensors on him. He might be a CPAP or even a

BPAP dog. He doesn't snore. He's active throughout the night. He's keeping watch, making sure that no intruders come and try to mess with me and everything. No ghouls or goblins. Slip him some edibles. See if he sleeps with the night give him like uh give him like a melatonin chew that they make for dogs see if that knocks him out you can get him bed drill you can just slip that in some cheese yeah actually much though or he'll trip all jokes aside they do have uh i think you guys

told me about it on the show they have like meds you can give dogs who freak out or are anxious. Xanax. CBD works. Also melatonin ones. At least for little dogs. I blow vape in their little faces before bed and that usually tones them down pretty good. Good call. Come over here, Toby. We're going to shotgun this hit right into your...

He puts his mouth on his nose. Yeah, but it's like... It's that weird shaped dog mouth. So you have to cover the sides. So my Malamute had an ear infection, so I took him to the vet. And I was like, listen, you're the third vet.

I'm tired of this. They keep giving me pills and fucking creams and well wishes. And I roll my eyes every time because I know this guy has some like bacteria in his fucking ear that's hurting him and we're not killing it we're just like souping it up every time i was like can we do something different this time because i'm not i don't want any pills and she's like let's do a study let's do a so they they sample the bacteria they send it off to UGA and they do a culture and they grow this bacteria and then they expose it to a huge spectrum of different

antibiotics to see which ones are effective against it. I've got the list downstairs, but essentially anything that ends with sillin resistant, amoxicillin, penicillin, lots of sillins I'd never heard of uh this long list and she's like so we have these drugs we can use that that it will respond to because they've already tested those drugs against that bacteria and the lab i don't i don't i could get the thing from downstairs i'm going to get a soda in a minute but so i'll find out but whatever it was it was 35 and they just put like a I wasn't there when they did it, but she described it as

like a gummy bear type thing that they just popped in his ear that stays in there and just dissolves and it's a 30-day antibacterial treatment for that specific staph. It's what it is. That's what it is. It's staph infection

in his ear. So hopefully we get him sorted out because it's staph it's uh it's staph infection in his ear so hopefully we get him sorted out because it's pitiful and then i also asked her i was like yo look at his leg while we're at it because he's got metals showing through his fucking leg and they don't know what to do about that either and she's like oh we'll pop that right the fuck out of there he's like i'll make a cut here make a a cut there. She's like, Debbie, do we have the drill? She's like, well, Tammy's got a drill. All right, well, tell Tammy we're going to need that drill. Is it a DeWalt?

I swear to God I made that joke. I was like, I got a DeWalt at home. And they all laughed. She's like, no, it's a special medical drill. Just slaying at the vet office just murdering she shows me the x-ray of what's in his leg and he's got this long oval shaped piece

of stainless steel along the bone in his leg and then through it it's got screws and the x-ray had such fidelity that you could tell what kind of screws we were going to be dealing with she's like ah look at that it's a hex screw she's like you can see it so well it was really cool so we're gonna get his fucking leg operated on as soon as the ear infection clears up

what are they pulling is it just the screws or are they gonna pull the whole thing out um oh he's also got a steel rod going all the way through the center of the bone so i think we're going to take all that shit out the steel rod too i think so she said that the bones she said the bone looks really solid um i think that's the plan to take it all out yeah i think that's pretty normal i've got some hardware on my leg too and they're like for me they just pulled a couple screws because um i guess active people tend to break their screws they shear them and uh my orthopedic surgeon who i see a lot is like i have advanced knowledge of you you're gonna break your screws so we pulled those out but he left the

plate in place he's like we just don't pull those unless they cause you trouble yeah nice but he's got this having trouble yeah that thing's got to come out of there i want him to have more fun he's the i love those fucking dogs i'm still thinking about getting another one i've been looking at dogs i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it but i've been looking at them dude so i missed a week it's been two weeks and i was like i wonder if taylor has dogs yet not yet not yet i've i've got one narrowed down pretty good but i'm not sure hold the trigger it's a bichon yeah yeah a little like i think it's like four or no it's like i'm gonna get into a right now you're gonna get a bidding war with me well i'm gonna i'm gonna have to drive out into

the middle of i've been looking at puppies.com like you told me trying to find like people with good reviews and i basically found like very reputable really really good breeders that sell like these bichons for like two grand but that's it's fucking two grand and then there's other bichons that still look pretty pretty good for like 800 bucks and so let me just say i don't care where they came drive out so here's what's important to me i want i want to i want them to have the one year genetic fucking flog they all have that yeah yeah once we got that i don't care like as long as i don't get there and it's just like a torture factory or some shit i want to go to a residence where they had a litter of puppies that's usually that that's how i when i bought toby it was like

household with children and shit where they had a litter of puppies it wasn usually that that's how i when i bought toby it was like household with children and shit where they had a litter of puppies it wasn't like a farm where they you know yeah that's what the that's what the 800 one seems to be is like more of a family thing they're doing and so either way i'm gonna have to drive like fucking three hours into the middle of missouri i'm on a different page i'm not sure I'm right, but I want one from a champion bloodline. It's not that I give a shit about championship or dog shows or anything like that. It's that dogs that

come from a championship bloodline are like these are dog enthusiasts trying to create the master dog. Health is a big part. It depends on the breed, I guess. If we're a bulldog, maybe I'm making a mistake. I know in the Great Dane world like they go really crazy on trying to get these like healthy personable great dogs and yeah when we bought our dogs from backyard breeders they

were yellow labs they both had hip problems and they weren't just it's common in yellow labs but i wonder if i had gone the whole championship route if they would have been healthier stock maybe and my experience is and i won't back off of this that the purchase price of the dog is a pretty small piece of the ownership puzzle and like i don't know how much rocky cost but i think that he's falling into the pattern that i think he might have been free not anymore he's like no i, no, I'm a couple of grand and Rocky, he's a big boy. All right.

Rocky's fucking going to have surgeries and operations and special diets. Right. But I bet if you bought him for two grand, then he was perfect. He'd be cheaper. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

But when I bought Rocky, I knew he was fucked up because he was in there. You know, he's, I've done that too. Um, I was thinking about you the other day because as i look do this little puppy search or whatever yeah woody i i find these

uh great dane crossbreeds that are on there and they're fascinating because i'm i like to see what what you get when you mix a and b together that c could be all sorts of crazy stuff so they're mixing them with like big dogs like irish wolfhounds and stuff and uh like like fuzzier dogs and longer haired dogs and it's real cool to see what comes out um the the dogs that i'm most interested in are all those weird cross breeds like pomskies half pomeranian half husky they're so fucking cute jayler has me convinced that the like a great daner doodle I want to see it. What's that look like?

I made that up. I don't know if it's a thing. I want to see that. A Great Doodle. I bet it would improve it. Mixing poodles with most dogs makes them better. Yeah. They're cuter.

You're going to get a step ladder for that young man. Getting that Great Dane poon. I don't want to see where some of those dogs come from because you know they had to put that little tyke up there and like make him pretty big like that am i crazy yeah poodles are pretty like a real poodle is a pretty like a standard poodle is not a small dog like it's a big size 80 pounds sound right maybe not quite that oh look at that motherfucker what is that's an irish wolfhound i think it might be a wolfhound Great Dane. That might be why he pulled it up.

A Dane doodle. Oh, that's a Dane doodle? That's a great doodle. That is a cool looking dog. You should do that next. My dogs are way cooler looking than that one. This one won't shed. He'll take smaller poops.

You should get a black lab and then you could have its hair all over your house. Bring it everywhere you go too. Is that what you have, Chris, that's been walking around behind you, a black lab? It's a little mix. He's like a little black lab. This is just a great day with fuzzy face.

That's cute. That looks like it sheds. It's got his ass up on the couch, but he's just touching the ground with his feet like the big dogs do. That's cute. That looks like it sheds. Look, it's got his ass up on the couch, but he's just touching the ground with his feet like the big dogs do. That's fun. I don't know for sure if he sheds, but oftentimes the reason that you crossbreed with a doodle is they don't shed. What happened to that one?

He's just sad. It looks like he's got some sort of Bell's palsy or something. He needs a hug, man. Great Dane's hug. If you walk up and hug that dog, he will put his head down on the back of your shoulder. That dog's had a stroke. He's so scared right now.

Chris, when you stood up, I noticed you have a magic kit behind you for magic tricks. Oh, the Criss Angel Mind Freak magic kit? Do you dabble in any magic tricks? My last Criss Angel video, because chris angel was like the kind of thing that started my channel or started the got me to i'm sorry let's put some

respect on the man's name chris angel the mind freak mind freak i'm so sorry i you won't like chris's channel he's ripping on this guy that was like the i had like 2k subs before i did a video on him and that's like what did it and I back in January went and saw him live I sat in the front row like five feet away from that 55 year old man's abs and which they are they're nice but um and then I bought them I was like you know I'm gonna I filmed that made a whole thing I went to the Luxor did like a whole bit where I went out there and I hired Elvis impersonators to do magic for and um I learned like three tricks from the magic kit like very bad i i didn't learn i was supposed to be like spending months learning it and i spent like a month learning it and so i

learned like three tricks from it and performed it for the elvis impersonators and did a shit fucking job like you didn't appreciate it well i paid him a lot of money you're fucking terrible at this basically i was like i told him like this magic is gonna suck you can rip on me the whole point of the video is for like me to look dumb so like just give it to me and i'm also paying you a lot of fucking money to just be here for a half an hour and uh so they did exactly what i wanted them to do but um i learned like two card tricks and then that like turning a red ball into a cube trick barely i did it under the table i was like i'm getting the fucking cube like kind of that shit were any of them serviceable or just no man not really

no it was more so like for the video i'm like okay the fact that i'm in vegas i'm seeing chris angel i got the elvis guys coming up to the room like that was like the whole thing in the video so i'm like i don't care if i butcher this shit how much did the elvis guys set you back like i didn't imagine them being super expensive but i guess only eight of them you know well only 600 for a half an hour for each what those guys are raking it in were any of them like was there a little competition or a little competitiveness when you get like six fake elvises in the same room are they like all in the same union or something so i hired two and they didn't know like they were different times like one was at like one o'clock and the other was at 1 30 so like i was walking the other one out and then like

waiting a few minutes and then bringing the other one up and i didn't tell them because i was like i don't know if they're going to be offended by this. And I, I'm not good with confrontation. So I think there was one, like when I was walking the second one up, there was a girl that was in the lobby when the first one came and she was like,

Oh, it must be Elvis day here. And I'm like, yep. I didn't say anything. Yeah. It's certainly not magic trick day. No,

it's not. It's not. It's, it's gonna, I think I was like so fucking tired that are hung over that day too and i was like i gotta do magic for these fucking guys and i barely learned shit but um yeah that's the that's the magic kit which like i think i got it brand new for like 40 bucks and it's like toys r us kb toys basically yeah it's not good i don't think toys r us or kb toys

are around anymore. Toys R Us, I think they're coming back. They're like doing a whole thing. Like they were like, they went out of business and they were like, we're coming back, kind of. Yeah, Toys R Us has been out of business for a bit. That like made me sad when they went out of business because I remember like how much excitement and joy I had when I was like six and seven.

Did they play the jingle for you? The Toys R Us jingle? When I grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid. Yeah, I remember the six and seven. Did they play the jingle for you? The Toys R Us jingle? I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us kid. Yeah, I remember the commercials for it. You walk in and it's all colorful. And they have that delicious zebra color stripe gum that lasts for two seconds. But it's like a sugar blast for two seconds.

The checkout you could always get. Just walking through and seeing all the action figures. And then there's the section with the bikes and the little like. Dude, that store was filled with things that screamed, touch me. Just like the displays. Everything was like kid level. The whole thing seemed engineered to get kids to fall in love with something and then cry in the store.

It was. I don't know why they went out of business with that model that's effective that was me i asked my dad i'm like can i buy this dark knight toy of batman and he was like i guess and then we got in the car and he's like son it's 2008 it's the the economy's going down you want me to buy all these toys and i'm like why'd you fucking say yes and that was my experience with toys r us was that dad or stepdad dad stepdad wasn't stepdad would have just said yes he wouldn't he wouldn't have told you with this economy son well that's next time i see him i remember like there were times that i i like trolled my younger brother at toys r us because like my mom would drop us off with my grandma and it'd be like me

and my younger brother and my grandma and my mom would be like don't spoil them they can get one thing each at toys r us and like i knew full well like i'm eight my brother's six and like i know that like grandma will buy us whatever we want but i also know that like when i'm walking through the store and i like pick out the bane action figure i want because it's cool and he's got like a bunch of tubes and he's jacked i'm like this guy's gonna beat the shit i'm gonna take this guy home and i'm gonna have him fight the street sharks it's gonna be great and then my brother would pick one of his things out and then he'd be like grandma can we get another thing and my my grandma would always be like well sure you can get whatever you want and i'd be like mom said one thing oh my god like mom said one thing we should

probably stick to one and he would get so upset about it he'd be like no she said we can get more and like generally we both and you have told stories of concussing your brothers and leaving them in bloody pulps. And this is the worst thing you've done to them. Accidentally, I injured my brothers. We were playing WWE or whatever it was called. And that was an accident. Did I make up an incident where you like big wheeled into a tree or wagoned into a tree? I did.

I pushed him down a big hill in a wagon. And I didn't mean for him to hit the tree. It like was happenstance that he hit the tree. There was one giant tree, one giant willow tree in the yard and that was the only thing he hit. If he would have gone two feet to the left, two feet to the right, it would have been 100% fine. I didn't

aim him at that tree. Guys that grew up with brothers are just tougher. I just didn't have that. I had nobody to compete with me. I always won. There was nobody to push me beyond my limits. to be fair sister younger older younger but you know she wasn't going to do any of the things that i was going to be interested in here anyway i was like shooting shit and jumping shit if she was three years older than you she might have the advantage on you till you turned 11 or something i don't know yeah but we're gonna be doing different

shit like like i mean like i need somebody that to like roughhouse with you know what i mean like i remember the first time i went to a friend's house who had brothers uh i went to um what was that kid's fucking name they were from alaska that's all that's what i remember the most about them they had come here from alaska and uh it was him and his brother his brother's name was patrick doesn't matter now but went down to their basement and they had like a great fucking basement. There was carpet down there and it was finished and everything and they had just toys, wall to wall. I mean, there were Legos on the floor,

which seemed like a bad idea and I couldn't understand why until the lights all shut off. And there was a game that I didn't know the rules to that had just begun. And it was called... And it was called... Barefoot Lego. Lights Out Karate Man. And both of them had armor and weapons that they had slunk off to dark corners and put on all of a sudden.

And now we were going at it free. To be fair, they didn't gang up on me, but I didn't know we were in a fight at all. You didn't know that the game was going to be played. No, I was so scared when his mom yelled down dinner time i was like thank god i remember going to my buddy's house in like this was maybe seventh grade so like 12 13 years old and like i've said like me and my brothers like we never actually fought like punches things like that never never happened i'll do ads after this but and so like i always had it in my head that like that was an exaggeration like brothers

don't really punch each other in the face they don't really fight like that like that's a tv thing and i went over there and my buddy josh who was a very strong kid and his brother nick who was also a strong kid uh we go up to Josh's room and he's like, Taylor, we're going to play N64. And I was like, all right, I'm down. And then we go up there. There's only one controller. And he's like, Nick, where's the other controller?

And he's like, it's my controller. You can't use it. And he's like, I've guessed over. And we want to play N64 together. And he's like, you get your own second controller. He's like, I've guessed over and we want to play in 64 together. And he's like, you get, you get your own second controller. He's like,

I don't have a second control. Like they're fighting like already. And I'm like, we can go outside. We can do any number of things. Like we can, like, it's a nice thing.

We're 12, 13. And like, he put his brother, like he hit him a couple of times and then put him in like a absolutely ruthless full Nelson, like a, like where you put your arms under their arms and you put your hands on the back of their neck and you can like crank their head down. And he's like, it was my controller.

And he's like, give me the controller. Me and Tyler want to play in 64. And like he like he like like throws him like into the bottom of what are you doing during this just watching i'm watching i'm watching you didn't want to like work his ribs while he was in that i was like i was like i think at the time saying like i saw you have like a basketball hoop we can like shoot i've never been to this guy's house before this is my fist was the one and only time i went to this guy's house and he like got in a full-on fucking fight with his brother until his brother like

started crying. And because, because understand he was being beat, he was being beaten like, like savagely. And then like their mom had to come up and I expected because of my perspective on it, like this is going to be a big brew.

Ha ha. Like the mom's going to come up here. She's going to see these two, you know, at each other's throats, like throwing fucking kidney shots at each other. she came up and was just like this is how you behave in front of company i thought i raised you better and then like that was that was it and then he probably a good move though it worked didn't it and we played a little n64 and i was

like i don't want to come back to josh's house If I hang out with Josh because he was a cool guy, he's going to come to my house, you know, where we're a bit more civilized. But I just realized I'm very over on the ads, so we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful, wonderful sponsors. This episode of PKA is brought to you by pharaohdistro.com. pharaohdistro.com, link below, folks. Do you want to get high?

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buying these anyways, take tiny, tiny little bites guys. Uh, but if you just want to get a more reasonable high, check out the HHC is better. Uh, carts. This is a much gentler way to get high if that's not quite your speed check out the dab that little bubble in there is the most convenient way ever to actually fill a dab rig you're not like carving up like nonsense you can just kind of like put put a few drops in and you're good to go you're muted kyle it's super super convenient and we've said this before with the edibles of course pka 20 20, 20% off, get yourself the tab X, get the edibles, get the smokables, the whole thing. Um, but if you're intimidated by the very high dose edibles,

like this package with 2,500 milligrams of ropes in it, uh, little lengths of it. Yes. Kyle eats lengths of it because he's got a high tolerance but they've got 25 milligram normally dosed edibles as well uh check those out if that's more your speed but if you're a a kyle level titan of tolerance then check these out check the sour belts unbelievably strong if you're curious about that 2500 milligram rope so uh everybody's fingers are different lengths well i did about a finger's length of that rope and i bit it off there um so you want kyle fingers i wear extra large gloves figure it out and um then and that sent that night when it kicked in i was sitting on the couch

watching star trek the new season of the or the last season of um the current season of the current season of the new Star Trek and it hit me this intense wave of just highness just I could feel my forehead it felt like there was a bubble in my forehead the way those what are those those whales that have the big squishy

fucking beluga it felt like I had a beluga whale squishy spot in the middle of like my whole frontal lobe had just hollowed out and i was just like i went oh like that and she was like what's wrong i was like i just got hit with a real big wave of intense highness she's like what does that mean i was like it's like you're standing in the ocean and and you feel that strong current hit you and keep moving and and you're okay now and you're and i'm steadying up but i know there's another one coming i was so goddamn high from that thing so so a finger sling so it sounds like the whole

rope is 2500 millimetres that baffles me because i i measured it with my dick and i barely felt anything. He's like, this sucks. That rope is 25 heavy doses of some real strong doses. Do not take a Kyle finger of it to start because Kyle's tolerance is ridiculous. And if he's getting beluga-brained off of it, then there's no way you want to be. Because if it beluga-brained Kyle, I'd be asleep till PKN. I'd be asleep for four days if I took that much. So, again, edibles are –

Just stick to Woody's dick as your measurement tool. Just stick to Woody's cock as your measurement stick. But, yeah, the HHC is better or the Delta-8 is better. Carts, much gentler if you're not feeling the edibles, this episode also brought to you by blue chew. Let's talk about sex guys. Shouldn't you always be at your best? 2023 is the year to maximize your performance in the bedroom.

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a septic tank, instead of a plumbing, beware. But yeah, it's not one of those things where it's like oh buy the second bottle and you'll you'll get even more like by the end of the first month you will be most of the way there to where you're gonna get if you like wrong i might be like you might get a bit more after like a couple more weeks but like a month of taking it you are you're fucking there oh my god it's not day 28 and 29 you're like oh wow like no you're you're going to notice this stuff stay hydrated folks stay hydrated as well that's key that is that's key for everything everything in your body requires hydration i've heard yes you don't have to drink water drink coke it's fine

drink any amount of Diet Coke. Dr. Pepper. Yes. Caffeine-free. So they say. All it is is sparkling water with some brown in it. Come on. A little bit of brown 40. Is that the tie? A little brown 40. I don't know what they put in there to make it brown.

It's off-putting when it's clear, though. Remember clear Pepsi? I didn't want it it shouldn't taste that way crystal pepsi is that what it's called yeah i remember it was clear yeah that was like a clear pepsi crystal yeah they can't bring it back bring it back but it's weird for a clear drink to taste like a cola should be brown yeah you're right speaking of you guys as a weed sponsor um i tried one of your previous ones at some point um it was the bears yeah and i ate up to the feet of the shins regularly and one night i got some actual dispensary because we have legal weed in illinois

so i got some dispensary gummies and I was used to like the 45 minute ish time from the gummies, like the bear gummies. And I didn't know that the dispensary ones kicking a lot quicker, like 20 minutes. Well, I didn't know that. So,

well, the ones that I had did and I drove to a Casey's gas station and I was like, you know, I'll get a slice of pizza. And right as I was reaching for that slice of pizza, I was like, like man this is taking a long time to get this slice of pizza into my hands everything is like really hard right now and i realized that that shit had kicked in in the casey's general store and i had i think it was a 20 minute visit to casey's to get just

like two slices of pizza and a fountain pop and that was probably the worst visit to a gas station i've ever had yeah you don't want to be high as shit at casey's no dude i have to go through this whole i have a whole inner pep talk that i have to give myself in scenarios like that it's like all right first of all bro it's not that no one's looking at you it's that no one has a reason to yet so yeah i knew something's wrong because like the guy working the pizza stand at casey's was like looking at me weird i'm like if he's looking at me like i'm high then like i'm high because that guy's probably high too that guy's at the pizza guy at casey's yeah yeah he's like bro you fucking i don't know i don't know where all casey's is

it's like uh it's a it's almost like corn town, smaller Bucky's kind of thing. Like a, it's a nice little, like a quick trip. It's like, yeah, like a quick trip, like a gas station that has a little restaurant side to it.

But like you said, you're from Illinois. Like I know back when, cause I'm in Missouri where I knew people who would go to Illinois before we legalized it here and would buy it there. And like, I, everyone I know who did that literally did

it once and was like fuck illinois weed and their prices i'm just going to buy from drug dealers and then now that it's legal in missouri i've heard of people in illinois driving here really because our prices are so much better than i don't know how but they really fucked like yeah something in illinois they did like it's so much more expensive than other it's gotten better than it was when it started like when it started it was really bad but now it's like you can go there and like it's decent like most of my friends that are all potheads still have dealers and stuff that they get it from because it's like still way cheaper but it's gotten a lot better but when you go to like denver like we took a trip in june me my friends and it's like they're like you want a pen for seven dollars and like it's so fucking cheap out there yeah and it'll be strong as fuck it'll be

strong as fuck i i had like a two or three year tolerance break and then i went out there a couple years ago and i had big plans i had big plans on i was like yeah we'll do this on this day we'll do that on this that day. I hit that pin. I bought a whole gram. It was like, oh my God, I'm on a morphine trip. I can't do anything but watch movies and giggle. I'm probably going to be going to the track. Yeah, so fucking

strong. It's shocking, especially if you have no tolerance whatsoever. It's so strong. But Illinois weed is garbage um i've driven up to illinois to get to have like a weedcation before and it was the worst weedcation ever it was terrible first of all the drive from atlanta to i don't know the bottom of um illinois yeah is we went to the bottom of illinois that's like the lowest point possible,

right? I'm just looking for a dispensary and a place to hang out. It was so expensive and it was so bad. It made no sense. One of the dispensaries in particular, I was in

their parking lot reading the reviews and they were so scary. I was a little intimidated to even go in there. It was like the security guard had his hand on his pistol the whole time. It wasn't even buckled down. I was just trying to get high. To be honest, I was already high. So it was really scary for me, and he barked at me when I dropped my ID. And that wasn't like an isolated event.

One person after another was like, their security guard is scary. I'm out there like, fuck, all right. Put our game face on. We got to go deal with the scary security guard, I guess. And it wasn't like that, but it was like, come through this gate. All right, show your fucking ID.

All right, he's good. He's clean. Wave him through. And a door opens for a second you're in the room you're like huh you know am i allowed to touch things in this room or is there no gate i go through like pick something off the ipad that's what they do yeah you go over to a fucking ipad you buy your thing and it goes up on a big board like a deli and you go up there and get your shit once it's been brought out of a safe I'm sure and passed two different hands and then handed to a guy through a little hole

in the wall it's like dude this is not I haven't seen any like armed guards at the ones in Missouri at all like they're not all armed they're like that kind of security where it's like they're just they have the shirt

that's about it I bet if I like went to a dispensary like down in the city of st louis they'd probably be i'd probably have a guard some of the ones in denver i went to like a few years ago cash money it's like a liquor store but it's like you have to go it feels like a district nine kind of thing like where you walk through and it's like the dirtiest looking room you've ever been in and then they buzz you through and then it's like a liquor store with weed like they're just everywhere the the ones here i've gone to are like nice and clean and you know it could be maybe it's just so early in the process that they haven't gotten shitty and dirty yet but the one here in my town's like it's a lot better like it used to be like more like prison but now it's like they actually bought the whole building now.

And they have a nice storefront. It's a lot better to go in than it was when we had it legalized. The laws are fucked, though, still, about where you can smoke weed. You've got to be in your own residence. Or it's such a weird, loophole-y, nonsensical thing. And look, it's not like you're getting busted on the street. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not worried about that are you describing georgia or more colorado denver colorado colorado the state um you gotta smoke in your house like like like but but the

like i said they're not gonna bust you on the street what i'm saying is you can't have a business that's open for the purposes of people coming there and smoking in the open because that is against the law and you can't have a business running that's breaking the law right and we're gonna organize crime now or some shit uh we end up recode like trump so if you just want to like come there and smoke weed it's hard to find a legal way to do that like if you had a layover and you just want to hey i'm here and i have my car out there it's a i have an uber and i have How do I get high? And it's kind of hard to make that happen. And I think before Airbnb was available, we found this like weed cafe

and it was so weird how like they were left hand was shaking the right to make the businesses not be this. I don't know what the laws are exactly, but it was clear that some things were considered serving food and some things were considered like you know the basket of peppermints at a gas station so so they were riding that line yeah

we've got snacks and drinks over there and it's like man that's the worst snacks and drinks i've ever seen it's like nature valley bars and peppermints and bottles of water and shit it's like it's like i just spent 200 on weed right through that little curtain area over there that's a completely they can enjoy it with a hot tap soda. They're like, no, no, no. That's a whole different business you stepped into over there. That's a whole different building even. And it's like, oh, okay.

It was this nonsense way of doing it. And we were in a room with concrete block walls, like school again, and a shitty TV on the wall. And I'm like, man, we spent a lot of money to come in here and smoke in this dirty-ass room. Yeah, right? I can tell you that nobody is taking it seriously because going downtown now to a blues game or I went to one of the St. Louis soccer team games. It was pretty fun, actually.

Outside of those places just reeks like weed. People are not obeying the law. we needed an inside space was the thing. And we didn't have one available yet. Cause you know, we didn't want to just want to stand in the hot sun outside and smoke weed on the side of the road, which was the alternative.

Was this after prison? Yeah. I don't remember, man. It was, we were smoking a lot of weed during that, during that period. Yeah.

This had to be right after, I think maybe that's when we landed. Cause you're real law-abiding in this story, and I'm like, couldn't you just smoke? Well, I get in the streets, it seems like people do. I feel like if I walked down Denver, I'd smell pot. Well, it was also like, I think we had like a,

they had bongs you could use, maybe? I don't remember exactly what we were smoking. We wanted to be indoors. It was hot, summertime. Oh, okay. You know, it was like, you could be smoking your balls out, and we didn't have anywhere to go, either need like somewhere to chill before the airbnb like finished its cleaning or whatever to to let us in well you can go to vegas because vegas like when we when i went in january like i think they've had it legal for a little while now and yeah like getting to chris angel's show was like through the planet hollywood mall and since you can just smoke cigarettes inside there which is like that

was crazy to me i haven't been like around that since like i was at a tgi fridays as a kid but like it's just weed inside the mall everywhere really like you just we're walking down the mall and it's like you just smell weed like people are just smoking inside and nobody gives a shit i haven't been to vegas in a minute like it's been years and years now um i never have a real good time there uh i really don't i don't like the dry air and like i don't need all of that to gamble you know like i just need a room with a table in it so so i we could gamble out on the outskirts of town that i'd be okay with that but i don't want to play in that kind of game either. So the gambling's kind of out.

Wait, wait. That kind of game? Like an official... I don't like dealing with the dealer and the amount that they pinch the pot. In a private game, it's a lot easier to... Your odds of making money are a lot better

because there's that... They're not pinching as much money from the pot every time. They take small amounts. Most of that goes into paying... Well, it depends at the... I don't know what they do at casinos. I don't know off the top of my head. It depends on how big the pot is.

If a pot amount... It's like, oh, on pots that are X amount, we take this amount. It's like, fuck, you're just taking the money right out of my pocket. But in a private game or the ones that I played in, most of the money that was coming out of the pot went to buying the decks of cards that we would go through continuously. Like. Might go through a new deck every hand because somebody get mad and tear the fucking cards up or, you know, there was a and everybody's buying. There was a lot of money flowing around you didn't mind if they pitched ten dollars it was paying the dealer mostly and work dude work the dealer would make the dealer would usually come out being the third

or fourth winner biggest winner for the night because he's getting so many tips and he's pinching the pot you know he's like i think it was like five dollars out of a hundred like some minuscule amount of money and then you tip him if he you know yeah if you're doing really well yeah you're like he's taking money right out of my hand like he can't take money out of my hand that pot goes to the winner yeah i just never had fun in vegas i don't like the stuff that it that it uh provides to people because i feel like i can get that somewhere else i don't know i don't like prostitutes either i don't i don't i'm not gonna go there and get a prostitute i haven't been to vegas since i was like 15 so i i think the idea of it is alluring

to me like this i don't know i want to gamble in places where the ceiling is four stories high and there's a show and there's and i can roll like i can whatever lose some money at blackjack and then they send me over to watch penn and teller or something like that yeah i haven't you know to be fair that's what i should have done is i should have been watching more shows um i do always hit the buffets that's probably my favorite thing really good prices a long time ago they were so i don't know like 80 would get you in and it was like all you can eat shellfish and and and really good beef and like like creme de la creme stuff for like 80 but there's like definitely levels to it i guarantee there's a 20 buffet that's fantastic yeah yeah or a 200 buffet that's insane back in the, and this isn't relevant, these numbers anymore,

but in the 90s, $5 and you'd have all you could eat steak and lobster and everything. It was a loss leader. It was a reason to go to the casino. I feel like I'd have to go for not a video. I'd actually just go and do shit.

Just not have a thing to do. Just go and like enjoy everything that's fair i think i've always been working when i was there yeah that's what i was like stressed out about chris angel and elvis one and two and we didn't like we wanted to go to like one of those gun ranges where you can just shoot everything yeah i've done time yeah like one of those things i want to do they're wildly expensive aren't they they're way too expensive yeah if you want to go somewhere and shoot guns you'd be better off like finding a gun youtuber and cuddling up to him because he

has a private range you could go to and like make a video with him and show it to your subscribers and it'd be worth his time to do that and you get to shoot all of his shit just pay for the ammo i guarantee any gun tuber who's got your subs or lower would be like yeah okay i know he hardly went to go to him with an idea you go to him with an idea where we're gonna you know a plan to shoot a thing and you could absolutely make that happen but if you go and pay especially with the just the ammo prices going and having fun shooting even if you have a place for free to go shoot like i'm describing is going to be expensive because the cost of ammo right but if you got to go to vegas and pay one of those places i've gone to those places not

you know with someone else paying before and my understanding was it was a very expensive day of shooting you know it's not something you can spend fifteen hundred dollars to fire like a fully auto gun and you realize you've spent fifteen hundred dollars for less than a minute of fun that's a lot yeah i don't even know just like being at like indoor ranges like with a guy behind me like i've done that before and i don't like i had a guy at a range in town where i went and shot and i had like freddy w's evil twin behind me yelling at me the whole time being like like the whole time whenever like you did any little thing and like i'd rather just be like outside somewhere where like you just not give a shit yeah i'm with you most of my shooting is in that environment and it kind of sucks

like i they've given me shit and i didn't even do anything wrong they're like hey um i thought you were gonna touch it it's like fuck i've been yelled at for this because you thought i was gonna do something this sucks even like the thought of like them saying like before you even do anything just knowing that they're watching you it's like i don't like them saying, like before you even do anything, just knowing that they're watching you. It's like, I don't even like that feeling like makes you on edge a little bit. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't, I don't think anybody's ever corrected me on anything. Um, but, but I wouldn't like that to be watched. I know we, we did this thing in, uh,

at this, the place we went, Woody, I went back a second time that put that training ground in Arkansas. I went back a second time and they had a, um, a shoot house where you kind of go room to room clearing targets with a with a like a ar-15 real gun and and there's a a viewing platform observation level above you so that you can be observed and how graded and so i had a cameraman up there and i had gopros on the guns and everything and i i was i had so many questions before we started because i was i was like well

no i can shoot all these walls really are you sure like oh yeah that's what they're for i'm like i've just never been in an environment like that it was so weird to to know that like you're free to shoot everything in there is a target are we are we 100 sure i was yeah before we started i went yeah is anyone in this building please cry because i'm going walls are permeable like that bullet's gonna go somewhere after it leaves i don't think these were okay this was a special like shoot house like they were above me like filming and and like i imagined it like a paintball you know a paintball to whip up a cheap building with some like two by fours and maybe drywall or not you know maybe that maybe some uh not even plywood you know the the big chippy stuff they put like

under the furniture like the ikea stuff yeah that worst fiberboard stuff yeah but like i think it's called abs but i'm not sure anyway they use that cheap plywood shit on the walls and you can shoot right through it. I'm like, I don't know what's safe. I know that shoot house. That kind of thing. It was all indoors and all the walls stopped bullets. They were going through a maze of rooms, sort of like an office building, and there'd be good guys and bad guys.

It was real fun. I don't think I ever used that footage. I'm glad you took me to that weekend, by the way. I appreciate it. Yeah, I think we were both invited. It was a lot of fun. I think you got me an invite. It's possible.

Either way, I had a real good time. That was a silly thing to be a part of. That was cool to see. I remember that huge platform that they were shooting the sniper rifles off of was cool. I don't think I got to do that. I think I got pulled away and some person wanted to meet me and I don't think I got to do that.

Hmm. Maybe. That was neat. I wonder what Moe was up to these days. He was the one behind that, I think. Or he had tickets for it or something. I don't know. I think he financed it.

It's possible that, too. It's possible that, too. He definitely financed those dinners, and they weren't nothing. Those were some expensive dinners. Yeah, sure. Moe was fun. He came, and he was there when they came to my house in Livonia, and we filmed some stuff down there. So he got to meet Jeremy.

So he got to have lunch with Jeremy one day. And I was just sitting there, my arms crossed, looking over there at Mo, a man worth 10 or 20 million dollars, a man who owns a considerable percentage of Maxim magazine, among other things, who has all these ESPN hookups. And he's involved with all these hbo programs and he's got this big office building that he's got a floor in and and uh in new york like the big part of new york where the buildings are to quote michael scott um and it's like there he is in this little diner in livonia georgia chatting it up with jeremy who's this empty-headed goober and jeremy's like oh yeah you're gonna love it here you're gonna love it here have you seen the like the trick to holding buckets of chicken shit mo

hear me out you need two one in each hand otherwise you get lopsided that's great yeah i love i like mo a lot because like you said like he he we were paying for those he's paying those crazy expensive dinners with famous people in Manhattan. And then he was on my dad's chicken farm having a blast while they watched them waterboard me and shit in dad's shop over there. Mo's a good guy. Mo's an example to me. People hate the rich, right? Eat the rich is something I see on Reddit all the time, things like that.

And I'm like, do you know any rich people? They're charming charming as fuck rich people don't usually get that way without the ability to like i don't know get along with the people in their circle i think he owned this i guess it's a business it was this vertical parking thing in new york we went to this place and his car got i'd never seen anything it looked like something out of that futuristic Will Smith movie with the AI. His car like came out of a fucking Rolodex in the wall. And it fucking lowered it down to us.

And we got in that thing. And I was like, how much does that cost? Like a month. Like imagining it's rent at least. He's like, oh, I own that business. It's like, fuck. Were the wheels always down? The the rolodex implies that like it flipped over the car it was vertical like stacking thing of cars and they would like

roll come down to you it was something like that but then you know he took us for like a tour of new york he took us through you know all the touristy shit he just he it was nice to be in a car with a New Yorker with him pointing out. What's the beetle? The one that was killed. Lennon? Showed us where he was shot, I think. A bunch of corny shit like that.

Times Square and a bunch of other shit. It might not have been. It may have been where... I think he pointed out where Yoko Ono... And that's where John Gotti was shot. We're on the highway. know jsk was shot this is where king kong fell i'm pretty sure that was texas i-90 yeah but yeah real good guy that was that was uh that was that was a lot of fun jeremy i wonder what jeremy's doing now i haven't talked to him in a minute i think i don't know if i told you this

or anybody but i was on probation like the scary time of my probation where i was getting random piss tested and jeremy caught like text me like hey can we talk which i hate because i would only send you that if it was a big deal or i'd add as an addendum what he's great about this no big deal just want to chat like add that on there so i'm not sweating the call now it's great to get ambush calls i because if woody's a huge problem yeah like if woody's sick like that's you know my mind goes to like scary stuff like oh maybe what he's ill or what do you need you know some problem but what he's like no just light chatter you know and i'm off cool i won't be worried going into this conversation but uh rewind me a little bit where am i going with that jeremy called you and didn't tell you why jeremy

calls so so i call jeremy and he starts beating around the bush and he asked me if i know where to get some weed and i'm like i'm on probation right now like the trial is pending for this thing. Dude, are you insane? I cuss him out and I hang up on him and he texts me back a day later. A meaningful amount of time later. With this clearly well thought out

and prepared paragraph. I apologize for the misunderstanding we had yesterday. I'm like, who's typing this? You don't know them words! I apologize for the misunderstanding we had yesterday. I'm like, who's typing this? You don't know them words. I apologize for the misunderstanding we had yesterday. I was asking about collard greens when I said green. I'm sorry you misunderstood. I understand why you're angry.

But do you know any good collard green recipes? And don't even tilt your head like maybe he was asking about collard greens the whole time no no no i think he was clearly asking weed the first time but somebody had said like picked up his phone and like helped him over there and i was like i don't even i'm not replying to that good job good job i have a suspicion he was like hey kyle i get that you can't answer my pot questions but but do you know who sells collard greens in the area? We've set up a code now. Okay.

An uncrackable code that the feds are going to be like, well, he's just eating healthy. We can't get him on this. He just likes veggies with lots of iron. Uncrackable. I don't even want to say what I would call weed privately because no one noticed it, I suppose, ever. Because, you know, it sounded like something innocuous.

Wouldn't want to get anybody in trouble. But don't call it green. Yeah, yeah. Don't call it green, you dummy. And don't ask me at all because i have no fucking clue i have no fucking clue that was the whole problem that's why i got in trouble because i didn't know where to get weed yeah it's tough once you're like out of school i feel like when you're in school you just sort of especially college like you got kind of a big network of people that you

know and you can find someone who knows where to get the weed if i like my world through my phone contacts i can find all the years of like drug dealers where it's like like if i go to the d's there are so many people named dealerson in there uh there's this one guy who like uh would like did Uber and he would like deliver weed to you and so it was just this guy that like it I never changed his contact but it was just like Jack's Uber and bud and like that like a friend sent me the contact

and like I guess that would like now there's just no point to any of that if you live in a legal state like if you live in a legal state that doesn't have retarded prices there's no reason to buy it illegally like don't do that people still do to some extent or they just sell not anyone i know everyone i know just buys it at the fucking store i mean like my friends like they are classy guy people like around us but like i still

just go to the dispensary because i'm like i can get anything i want like they have so much different shit that you can actually pick and choose like i'm not just getting to you though i i don't like weed for the most part like i'm like pretty like if i'm drinking like i'll do it but like if i don't then i just sit and like stare at the wall for four hours so like i usually don't but like i'll take like a light dummy what's that so taylor i know you've got the dab x um yes it if you uh if you ever find yourself running low of uh those little peas of uh of concentrate they sent us you can get concentrate that are these little crystals and it looks like rock salt like and you can break and you can just drop it in there like a little and and i keep set i i pretend like it's a dilithium crystal and i'm in star trek firing up the fucking enterprise's

warp drive i fucking put the little cone back on there get those neutrons focused put the cap on there fire up we're on red put it on red you put it on red uh i have no is red the hottest or the least hot i don't remember i would imagine it's the hottest i'm really hoping so i don't i think i do the second hottest one which i think it might be white yeah or green white or green one of those yeah and then there's blue as well yeah i love that dab x that's that's the i cleaned today with some acetone but it didn't quite clean maybe mine isn't that high then because I have it on white. Maybe I'm only on the second tier. It's working great with white.

Oh, well, then leave it alone. Yeah, well, I need more of my crystals in there, though the crystals are great. I need to text him so he sends me another one of these because I only have this one now that I need to show on the show. And so I need him to send me another fucking one that I can get high on.

I'll message him after this. Send me more. I should try this. I got weed from a friend and I got a borderline panic attack. I smoked it. And I'm like, maybe I should like not smoke this anymore. It is.

It's not for everyone. Yeah. The first time I ever smoked weed, I had a terrible experience. And then the second time I had a terrible experience. And then I didn't smoke for ever for like five or six years and then i was like oh this is really fun it just felt completely different it didn't feel as scary or panic inducing or crippling is the the first time i smoked i felt like in the movies when the good

guy gets drugged and he's just like the the walls are spinning and he's like where am i it was i i distinctly remember me and my roommates were smoking that bong we got some weed from the guys down below and we were watching internet videos on my my roommates like gaming pc that was in the living room and the fucking square like left the monitor and started moving around a little, and I was like, oh, God. What was in that? It was the worst experience ever. I didn't smoke for so long after that.

It's still one of those drugs where if you're super stressed out about something, you probably shouldn't get high to try and not be stressed out about it. If you're wanting to relax and your be stressed out about it if you're like wanting to relax and your mind is clear and like you're feeling fine then it's a good thing to do but like if you're like oh man i'm really panicking over this or that or this test or this issue not the right drug for that i disagree all right so i'll agree that it's not the right if you have that mindset you described that that you're having a rough time don't don't try marijuana for the first time that'd be a that'd be poor timing but if you're already a marijuana smoker and you're stressed

out you're like you know what i need some marijuana that would fix this actually i'm with kyle so i would call this, you know, everybody's different. It doesn't stress me out. Some people are lame. I don't get the enjoyment out of it. Cool kids and lame boys. Yeah, yeah. They tend to have blue shirts and beards.

Yeah, and they're fucking gay and lame. I fucking hate those guys. They're the fucking worst. Me. Yeah, I fucking hate those guys. They're the fucking worst. Me and Chris, blue shirt, beard guys. I didn't even notice. I thought they were talking about me. Yeah, they're firing at me.

Probably talking about you. Probably talking about you. Because they, yeah. I just don't get the same real enjoyment. Like, if I'm not in a good mood already like it'll still like probably relax me and i'll laugh more at a tv show but like there is a big difference between like a end of the day was a good day was a great day we didn't get arrested we didn't deal with that we didn't get no rico charges and then like you smoke then it's like oh nice i kind of i guess maybe it's like an

earning it thing like like if you if you sit around all day getting high it's like where's even the point of comparison there between like your normal day and like you getting high at night whereas if like you're doing shit all day and then at night you smoke because like you got your all your shit done it's like oh this is this is kind of earned a little bit i can enjoy this relaxation i don't feel like a like a bum i think for me like i started smoking when i was like 22 and so like i just drank up until then so like like alcohol was like mike yeah that's my like i relax and have a good time so like when i tried weed i'm like this isn't this isn't as good as the other stuff but then if i've been drinking and then i smoke i'm like this is this is the fucking shit like i can watch a movie or two yeah i never like to drink at the end of a like a hard day of work like like i never understood that at all it's like i i would feel

like shit i'd want to sleep and and so like i don't want a beer i want a lot of water and gatorade and like a cool room to lay down in like like i i never understood that or like like yeah we're done digging the hole or whatever let's crack a few beers it's like no do you have a gatorade or some ice water or something that's fucking sunny out here i'm sure they're gonna mix some waters in i can see where kyle's coming from on the hard work aspect of it but i don't always do hardware right like sometimes i'm just like i have bullshit that i had to do whether it be like cleaning around the house or uh paperwork or whatever checks to write when that shit's done i don't mix drugs in anything that matters. I have friends who will drive cars, boats, motorcycles, and fucking paragliders high as fuck.

They think they're better at it high. They might be. I don't know. I'm not, though. I don't mix anything with high. I mix a zero responsibility television with high. Very smart. When I get to that point in my day and it's like, I'm done.

Mission accomplished. I have no responsibilities right now. That's kind of the payoff that I get to that point in my day and it's like, I'm done. Mission accomplished. I have no responsibilities right now. That's kind of the payoff that I get. It doesn't have to be making offense. Like after the show tonight, was this hard work? No. But you have earned yourself a finger of gummy rope.

But I've earned you nonetheless. A long, long finger. A couple of big rips out of the dab hex after this. I may just use this anyway. And then he'll have to send me another one to hold up on the show. Sorry. I'm just going to use your imagination. It's a little,

little P of it's like, it's, it's just like those liquid capsules, you know, like a, like a vitamin. I always keep saying vitamin E cause that's the one that people, you know,

if you've got scars, you can take the vitamin E capsule and like crack it open and squirt a little on your scar and rub it in. It makes them fade. It makes the red fade away. Oh really? Yeah. Hmm.

I should do that on my arm. A little pro tip for everyone. Yeah, you should. If you want a scar to go away, there's, I don't know my silicone versus silicone, but there's scar gel that contains one of them.

That's the ticket. That's so I, yeah. And this doesn't come from me. I talked to a plastic surgeon and a, um, a Moe's surgeon, the guy who did my nose that I do my name.

And these are people who like care about scars in a great way. And they both landed on the same product. You can get on Amazon. So I have that and I've just never used it. They have it in strips that I'm not as big a fan of, like an encoded band-aid. I like a Neosporin type application.

Is it a Moderma by any chance? No, this is a different thing. I have it in my bathroom. It's like silicone. Oh, this would be it. Yeah, yeah. This would be the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Thank you, Zach. i got one of my arm from my fucking dog that i've been at for like a month and a half and it's it's not healing or going away and i've been like you you might be a very good candidate for it i'll just put it in there because the doctors told me careful about

getting your medical advice from a comedy podcast no i'm taking it but you start using this stuff advice from a comedy podcast no i'm taking it but you start using this stuff once the wound is sealed and healed you don't put it on open wounds you put it on you know when you're trying to get like the scar tissue and the discoloration to go away it's not like neosporin that you put on something that bleeds sure that's yeah that's exactly what i need because it's been like i like picked my dog up because another little dog was running after him when i was on a walk and when he got off of me his arm just like clamped in and like fell down and then i just like had the deepest cut ever and i'm like but waiting for the scratch yeah it was i mean his nails aren't that long but like he was like trying he wanted to go get this dog so he's trying to get out of my grasp oh yeah and so like one of his little one of his little paws got into me and it just hasn't gone away my dog was on his back in my bed the other day like

doing that crazy kicky thing and i was standing by the bed and he scratched me right here on the lip and just cut the shit out of me and it bled non-stop for like 10 fucking minutes. I'm like, this is bullshit, Toby. This is bullshit. We're supposed to be friends. Yeah, fucking hurt. Sometimes they're twitchy. He's going to have to lose his balls. Trump just tweeted

mugshot August. No, it's on Twitter. Let me put it in the... Wait, Trump tweeted? Trump. Real Donald Trump. Holy shit. twitter let me let me put it in the wait trump tweeted trump real donald trump holy shit oh shit he's says mugshot august 24 2023 election interference never surrender donaldjtrump.com told you that's his game face you know what like when i saw the mugshot, I wasn't a big fan. But he's cropping out the thing, and he looks like he's fighting for his people.

Yeah. He's fighting for us, Woody. They're trying to get to us. They just have to go through him first. Yes. First, they came to the presidents, and I did not speak up because i was not a president and then they came for retards online and it was too late put a lot of time to that pic with all the text

killed it today at today at the notoriously violent jail in Fulton County, Georgia, I was arrested despite having committed no crime. No crime, folks. The American people know what is going on. What has taken place is a travesty of justice and election interference. The left wants to intimidate you out of voting for the political outsider who puts American people first. But today, I walked into the lion's den with one simple message on behalf of our entire movement. I will never surrender our mission to save America. If you are doing poorly due to the sinister people in control of our country right now, don't even think about donating.

But if you can, please make a contribution to evict crooked Joe Biden from the White House. Save America during this dark chapter in our nation's history thank you and god bless you and then his little scribble $3,300 donation $3,300 that looks like creed thoughts like that body of text upset your spouse tell them that you i i looked it up but now i've forgotten there's a maximum you can donate uh it's like 3500 or somewhere thereabouts maybe it's two grand something like that and uh and i like to tell somebody that i i already donated my 3500 so i donated another 3500 in their name and ask and i'll be like do you want you know the certificates and everything that i got for that it feels bad keeping those but in your name don't

worry it's already been said so Don't donate Mr. Trump anymore. People get upset. Tell me you didn't do that. Tell me you didn't fucking do that. People have donated to Trump in my name at this point. I get posters and shit thanking me for my donations.

That's pretty funny. I'll tip of the hat to the pranksters who did that if you donate to trump by the way this is a thing that when on the trump donation page you have to make sure you uncheck the boxes that schedule auto donations there are people who've been a little tricked by it who didn't realize there were pre-checked boxes like they donated 500 because they wanted to they didn't realize there were pre-checked boxes. They donated $500 because they wanted to. They didn't know they were going to keep donating

$500 on a schedule. Was he out president for a month, Woody? I think not. He was there day in, day out. There's two check boxes, or at least at one time there were. One was for donating on a schedule like that. The other was to sign up for money bombs. He would just declare it like money bomb day

and suck a donation out of you that you didn't do on purpose so if you do donate to trump look for that just pro tip that's a good idea that is yeah well i love that model because you don't have to worry if you're supporting president trump enough because he's just going to decide how much he needs, and he'll just debit you. I didn't even think about it like that. He's like, imagine having a good, hardworking contractor with an amazing head of hair that you can trust with your bank account, and he's just out fixing the world, making America great again. That's Donald Trump for you.

That's what he's doing out there. Oh, my God. This looks like shit. We need to know you haven't, we haven't lost you to the radical left. If you uncheck this box, we will have to tell Trump you're a defector. Check this box and we can win back the house and get Trump to run in 2024.

Make this a monthly recurring donation. The Dems have already reached their mid month fundraising goal. If you want Trump to run for president, this is your last chance to flip the house change your trump victory fund status to active now remain inactive equals republicans lose they are watching a video about that like where they just like show how like how scary the website is for old people yeah how scary it is like like they like everything's in red everything's like a warning it's like you have like this is last chance like it's for old people yeah how scary it is like like they like everything's in red everything's like a warning it's like you have like this is last chance like it's for like when old people

click on it they're like what what and like it's like this is your last chance this is like and it's timers going down from like five minutes and shit well old people have plenty of money so see this additional donation will come on 6 14 like it i i mean all jokes aside this is serious grifter stuff it's really uncool and you're just subscribing is all you're subscribing to the the trump program just a checkbox these are below the submit button so like like you go there you say i want to give you dollars but click submit but no. You have to scroll down the page to see that you've also signed up for these pre-populated boxes. Thank you. I agree.

$35,000. These are hidden gems on the website is what you're saying. Donald Trump's website is not. It looks like they're not automatic. It looks like you have to opt into these. What a jump from $5000 to 35,000. I don't know about that particular image, but I read about it.

It was a repeated thing. He did this for a long time. May still be doing it. He had to uncheck them. His site now, it's not there. You have to select to... I would like to cover the process. Sign up for this monthly donation.

I think we can all look past that. We all know that he doesn't really... He wouldn't have done something misleading intentionally, so rest assured that this was probably some low-level person, some no-name person who did this, perhaps intending to defame the president. Sort of a false flag where you know from within it takes a couple years off twitter comes back and he's just as a flag from within well poor trump i i just don't know how he's leading the polls i saw they asked the question

by apparently there was a debate last night and they asked them a question something like if he's convicted of a felony will you still support him i think five eights raised said yes i i think that was the number all but two is it six eights i don't know how many were there sure i didn't watch it i saw that one article and i was out of it so i watched the whole thing i didn't watch it. I saw that one article and I was out of it. I watched the whole thing. I didn't enjoy it. I often enjoy that kind of thing. I just suffered to the end. Did they talk about Trump a lot?

No, they didn't talk about Trump very much. There was one question and everyone on there was upset about the question. The audience was booing the question. They didn't want to cover Trump. They wanted to cover policies um yeah well the audience in those is all donors so that's why they like cheer a lot of different things than what like an actual voting base cares about and the bigger donors

sat near the front giving them an outsized impact on like what was cheered and what wasn't i've read that um yeah so who do I think one for me, Nikki Haley one, I thought she did really well. Um, and I kind of liked a lot of her policies and she said stuff that resonated with me. Like they were talking about abortion and some people were promising to put a federal ban on abortion that starts at six weeks. And she's like, why are you lying to everybody? You would need 60 people in the Senate. We haven't had 45 pro-lifers in the Senate for as long as I've been alive. And you're pretending you're going to do this stuff that takes 60. You're not.

So let's just say this is a state's issue and move on. And I was like, fuck, truth-telling right here in a debate? That's weird. Well, that is true. Nikki Haley's full name is? Nimrasa something. Nim Rasa something. Nim Rati something. Can you believe some asshole just making up a nickname

and going by that instead? Yeah. Nim Rasa. Nim Rati. Zach said Vivek killed it. Yeah, yeah. So I think that the big takeaway amongst most people is that Vivek killed it.

Now, he was actually a little polarizing i i read somewhere i might have been new york times debate expert or something gave him a d but to me i give him an a um he got the most attention it wasn't all positive attention it seemed like everyone on the stage was kind of ganging up on him but to me it was sort of an all press is good press sort of thing and for a guy who needed a good look yes for a guy and for a guy who needs name recognition being the center of attention for that long is fantastic also i talked a few hour an hour ago about how i like a guy who can take an l you know when they did to hit vivic with a zinger he just laughed at it like he

enjoyed the joke as well and shot it back. In my eyes anyway, that's a really good personality characteristic. I value that. I thought he did a good job. I don't like what he says. His positions are flat tax, remove voting rights from people under 25, climate change is a hoax. A lot of stuff, he's going to pardon Trump if he's president. He says Trump is the best president in the 21st century. There's some other policy things.

Oh, he wants to pull out of Ukraine. I don't like that. But Taylor might. It's like your guy. Sounds like this is my guy. This is my guy. This guy I haven't heard of until right now. He's wanting to end a war.

And I'm sure if he gets in power he'll like definitely definitely end it his name is vivek ramaswamy so trump i know you're watching rama swampy you're welcome rama swampy that's that i like that that is good like that it's much better than he doesn't even have to waste, I don't, I didn't watch the debate shit, but I did see the gif of, like, Ron DeSantis,

like, failing in his, like, trying to be charismatic smile, after saying, like, it's like, the gif that's going viral.

Yeah, he looks like a fucking robot. That guy has no, has less charisma than a bag of sand. Like, he is done. There was like three seconds between him talking and him smiling. He had to muster up the energy

to smile. I'm not that sensitive to that. But what DeSantis did all debate long was dodge the question. You'd ask him a question and he'd be like, that's a bad question. We should be talking about this other thing. They said, hey, you signed a six-week abortion ban in Florida.

Would you do that nationwide? And he just refused to answer it. And they're like, hey, but you didn't answer the question. The other 30 seconds refused to answer the question. And I really hate that. A yes or a no would have both been better than I'm afraid. I've told you multiple times, the producer of PTI on ESPN, he should be the one doing the presidential debates. If you're not familiar with that show, I haven't watched it in a decade or something, but you got all the talking heads in a box

and you mute motherfuckers when they're not talking and they just have to sit there on mute while you fucking tell them how it is. And there's a guy just assigning points and if you wouldn't answer a question oh well that's two tries one more no answer and he gets a minute he skip him for the next question i guess i think then we go to fucking armed forces question right a real softball for this guy what would you do to keep america safe in the 21st century with the mounting um trouble in the south chinese sea as well as aggressions in Europe?

Santa's over there. It's his fucking wheelhouse and they give it to Nicaragua or whatever. And yeah, that would teach him like you should. That's an interesting question. I'm a strong supporter of Israel. It's like, OK, I think the santas misrepresented his history his background and i hate it because he has a great background if people don't know the santas was not born into money came his parents were blue collar and he earned his way into harvard and yale not legacy

and then he became a jag lawyer i don't know what JAG stands for in the Navy. Judge, advocate. I think you're right. General. Could be, could be. Yeah, yeah. Or is. I don't know. Is that right, Kyle? General? It's not. The best I could. Okay. So anyway, then he became an attorney in the Navy, a JAG, right? And then this is a nice way to qualify yourself for politics and whatever. It's a great background for the job he's going for. It's not an embarrassment for lawmakers to be an expert in law boom what does he say his background is yeah i was deployed with the navy seals i work with the navy seals and i'm just like what the fuck you weren't a lawyer and you're like stealing valor about this navy seal bullshit like took care of a navy seals parking ticket or something like parking ticket. Right. He should have said,

isn't that what Tom Cruise was in A Few Good Men? That's what he should say. He should reference that. No, because there's a lot of people in this country who haven't seen that movie and wouldn't get it. No, they're fucking losers with no fucking taste, though. Fucking vanilla ice cream eating pieces of shit.

Sounds like the kind of fucknard that hasn't seen Sopranos all the way I've seen Sopranos all the way through I don't know why Kyle thinks that I've seen that one show I quit the wire I'm going to start spitting when you say shit like that like you're that guy who was that's where the Middle East is way ahead of us

that sort of disgusted spit they give you well no the Chinese are just street spitters they they shit those are barbarians okay but i but but in the middle east you upset fucking they throw shoes too they're spitting on like the idea of what you just said i like that i remember oh really you think this and that spit on the idea they throw shoes when they toppled saddam Hussein's statue, they were smacking the statue with the bottom of their shoes. And the guy on CNN explained to me,

this is a sign of disrespect in their culture. And I'm like, I picked up on that. I got that. Whoa. Yeah. What a robust and unique culture. So different and so similar get the fuck

out of here I remember that vividly them beating that statue up with those flip flops those dirty sandy flip flops and thinking who's getting any sense of yeah out of that

if you toppled the statue of the person I hated the most in the world, a villain, some Voldemort-like motherfucker come to real life, I wouldn't go slap his statue with a shoe. He doesn't care. He was in a spider hole somewhere by then.

We'll start with Chris. What's a statue you would hate that you would opt to tear down if's a statue you would hate that you would that you would opt to tear down if you're you're all dressed up antifa style um fuck i haven't seen a statue in a while it can be anyone it doesn't even have to matter anyone you don't like oh fuck man i don't know um i think if there was a hitler statue i could get on board with doing something to it. You know what? I agree.

I'm just going to say it. You guys are really putting yourselves out there. What are you going to do? Polish it? If you're asking realistically... I'm not on board with that guy's shit. You know that guy who guards the tomb of the unknown soldier? And it'll be a fucking hurricane. He's standing there, fucking rifle in hand walking that for hitler baby just just always out there guarding that

hitler statue you'd need someone to do that if you erected one you know what i guard there all the time i think they're going to protect the people that i'm starting to hate more and more as i go on is like people that stream like like aiden ross or like those kind of people that have like 70 million followers and are just like 20 and like the biggest idiot on the planet those are the kind of people i'm starting to like hate the most as i go on so i guess if there's like an aiden ross statue in my neighborhood or any of that genre of people i'd tear down and i would take my my nike slide off he's though he's an enormously popular streamer i don't know what kind of content he's the one that like sniffed uh uh andrew tate's seat like he's like a big andrew tate simp oh that guy he's like he's like 21 or something

like that he's like he's young yeah and yeah but like those guys where they're like they have 50 million followers and they're just no social media online experience and just are the biggest idiots in the planet money yeah more than more than me i guess they're doing some more than any of us yeah the grossest thing i've seen uh is people uh selling kratom i don't think we've done that have we we didn't do that did we did we get addicted to that good good so because these people are awful these people are awful these people who hot kratom online i know that um what's it brendan shop i think they have like a kratom energy shot or something like that called like bitch probably i don't know what it's fucking called but they're

just selling kratom it's hillbilly heroin that's what they call it because it activates the same part of your brain as heroin it's highly addictive but it has these wacky side effects where you can go into fits and stuff or have headaches it's that green goddamn powder i suppose i went to um a smoke shop the other day and they've got like a kratom machine that the same kind of machine that you would make like you ever made your own peanut butter at a fancy grocery store you know you put the almonds or peanuts in it grinds them up makes the butter it's cool experience they got like a fucking kratom machine over there like yeah you want to create them shake like no i don't want to shake a fucking green heroin powder no i just want my get away from me where am i told by this

it's it activates the same part of your brain as heroin and it's yeah addictive and it's legal yeah and you can make your own at a supermarket it's so god damn not a supermarket smoke shop where they've got like vapes and and tobacco i'm picturing the most ratchet supermarket in atlanta that kyle's going to there's like lights that he walks by on the way in like a non-up like a privately owned gas stations all have it like if it's like lights that he walks by on the way in like a non-up like a privately owned gas stations all have it like if it's like one of those that's not an official you know racetrack or whatever it's just like this dude chevron down the road he's definitely got kratom back there next to the incense and the fucking vape cartridges with the joker on them i bought that i had to buy

it it's like there's no way that I should be putting this in my body. They've got an unlicensed photo of the Joker on there. That can't be legit. What's in that shit? I don't know, but it's called AK-47 and it'll get you mildly high. I don't think you should have that, Kyle.

I probably shouldn't. Because the AK is a bad joke. Oh, I see. You should be using these. I probably shouldn't. No. Because of the AK is a bad joke. Oh, I see. Oh. You should be using these. You're probably, they probably need to send you another shipment. Yeah. I think a lot of people getting off like alcohol or like drugs like do Kratom.

I'm pretty sure like because it's kind of a, it scratches that itch. But then it's all like you're just getting addicted to something else. It's like. I think poor people do Kratom and people who don't know any better and like let some fucking social media person talk them into doing kratom um i don't think it's expensive at all because when i my gas there was a gas station i used to frequent to just grab sodas or whatever before the gym and they had sacks of it like big bags of the shit the same way they'll have tobacco that's how you know cigarettes are crazy crazy taxed because a carton of cigarettes is like a hundred dollars or some shit yeah 10

packs of cigarettes in a box carton but they'll have a three pound bag of tobacco up there for cheap because tobacco don't cost nothing yeah you just gotta roll your own roll and well you get the rolling tobacco and the rolling papers and they even sell the machine there that rolls you up a perfect little little cigarette if you want so if you can find a bag of tobacco that tastes good to you you can roll your own is that hard like i said there's a machine that does everything for you the part i was asking you is it hard to find tobacco that you like i I would have no idea. I'm not a poor and I haven't smoked cigarettes in a long, long time.

But if I did, there's a little bit of a brand. Look, the same way that some teenage girl might you know, I'm either going to have an Apple or an Android. I'm not going to have some weird bootleg cigarette that I crafted in my house. I don't want big bags of tobacco either.

The only people I've seen do that are very poor, dirty people. Like very poor, like homeless people. You know what? I'm out of the scene, but I interpreted it as people who like craft beer. Like, oh, I make my own. I do this. I bet. Okay. I bet.

See, I think those people are rolling their own, you know, like the kind of guy who breaks those out, they're hand-rolled and they're already in a cigarette case. You're that big of a fucking... Not yuppie. What am I looking for? Snob. Hipster.

Hipster. Dickhead. Moron. Gourmet. If I started smoking cigarettes, I would absolutely have one of those little metal cases. Those are cool. I would have a cigarette holder you know the kind that adds an inch and a half and like cruella de vil yes yes yes i want to i want to appear like i'm female in french you think i'll

fool anyone and no and evil yeah you can't use those without looking a little i can't tell if that's a girl he does have the cigarette holder. No, he's got an Adam's apple. Remember the Batman villain, the penguin? He uses one of those. I've always thought that I wish that those had came back into style because then you keep the cigarette away from your face so you're not getting that smoke directly on you, and you don't smell as bad.

It's staying away from you. And if you've ever held a cigarette in your mouth while you try to do something with both hands, it gets right in your eyes and makes them tear up immediately so it would be great to have that away from you uh you know so you just kind of have it between your teeth is that what it's for i don't know what it's for i've only seen and the penguin and you know okay okay and uh johnny depp in that uh that movie where he's driving around. He's like Hunter S. Thompson. He goes to Vegas and he's in that car and they're all doing the drugs and he's looking at

bats and all that shit and he's always got a cigarette with one of those long things sticking out of his mouth. You haven't seen that one. I always thought it was because the filter was unpleasant to have in your mouth. It's not. And if it's a menthol cigarette, then it's kind of like a mint in your mouth. You can feel the tingle of the menthol and everything yeah i don't know

i just imagine that i would hate it like it so you know i am a popsicle and the stick is wooden i get shivers when i touch that stick like i it's very bad i hate that too oh okay yeah but do you ever smoke a cigarette it doesn't bother you not in a not in a long time but it's different though it's it's not that it doesn't feel like that like like wood or anything um i don't know i don't find it to be gross or anything cigarettes are delicious everyone should smoke a little i think this idea they made it seem like cigarettes were like poison, like the kind of poison. That's what I heard. Yeah.

It's as if burning bleach and smoking is bad for you. They're trying. It's big tobacco trying to fool you. Hush. We're surrounded by like our cell phones give us. It'd be like, look, our cell phones make radiation. We stick them to the side of our head and we keep them in our pocket next to our dick all day, every day. You're telling me that doesn't add up to something bad. We've all agreed that we don't care anymore.

We've all made the decision. Let's hope not. And we're moving on with our lives. That's a cigarette. All right. Look, you smoke in two or three packs a day and you have every goddamn grown man in America start doing that around 1942. And they don't stop for a few decades. Yeah, there's going to be some cancer deaths.

What I'm saying is, every now and then, relax with some fine, smooth tobacco and stop being a little pussy. Yeah, you're winning me over. Exactly. It's not heroin. Oh, wait, wait, wait, but it makes boobs saggy, so only men should smoke. How much do you have?

How much cigarettes do you have to smoke for your titties sag an extra inch? It's got to be a tremendous amount. By that time, your face has turned to a catcher mitt. Remember Kramer when he opened the smoker's lounge? I'm just thinking. This is my mother maker, Jerry. Did any of the Republican candidates have a position on making breast reduction illegal

not last night i don't think that gets you guys would that get you guys going no breast reduction can be dope like you think it's terrible because you know bigger better better whatever it's put by a committee of men so like it's it's going to be reformed to be more symmetrical and supple i, it makes a lot of sense to have men approve women's breast reductions. It's not a decision they should be making on their own. But I feel like the women that get breast reductions have really bad boobs and they end up with better ones. Yeah, very symmetrical titties. It's rare you see symmetrical titties.

Like you don't want the nipples to be pointing down. They point forward. Oh my God, no. I won't have a cross-eyed dog. You think I'm going to deal with cross-eyed tits? I saw a dog the other day. It was like, I'm like, no way. They couldn't give that motherfucker away. You get the skin on top, you pull

those babies up, and then they're perky and they're pointy. A little smaller, but better. Yeah. You might be right. Look at me, okay? Sorry. Got one over here. That'd be be awful i've seen some internet titties that are so unfortunate that it's like man like botched boob jobs no they like take the nipple off and put it back on and just bad genetics sometimes a titty will look like you know before

you start the balloon animal yeah it's like a softball and a tube sock. When you've just got the long, tubular balloon before the guy starts making all the squeaky noises, I can't stand. What would happen if they lubed that balloon up first so it don't squeak? Then I can enjoy balloon animals. Yeah, that might be even squeakier. No, you put some silicone lube on there, it's gonna be

good luck bending the balloon and tying it up and having a nice teddy bear with lube all over it. What, are you gonna give gonna give a lube covered balloon to children at the party stick your hand out little johnny there's a astroglide soaked giraffe for you for the last time we didn't hire you leave there's this ribbed giraffe going up to the balloon animal expert like can you just make me like a pocket? If it's going to come back filled with lube,

then I want mine to be sort of a short tunnel. What's that movie? Is it a movie or a TV show where someone's pretending to be a clown and they're like, oh, and a snake for you. It's just giving snakes to everyone. I don't remember what the fuck that's wrong that was very funny that is a pretty solid show i haven't watched it in i actually don't remember if i ever liked it

that much or if i'm misremembering that i like kind of rough in the early seasons but like i watch a lot of the highlights like with the ron still anything with ron like i'm gonna watch like every highlight he's in because he's just like one of the best characters on television but yeah the show like the early on it's like kind of rough but like once you get through it it's like at least it ended better than the office the office like the last few seasons were like rough to me after my left i didn't know so there are some good episodes post michael but um so i like the d'angelo vickers saga which is when will ferrell is there for three to four episodes something like that they don't know what to do with his character so he just is different every episode which is cool but um i think i heard a story about in the end the way he exits the show at the character exits the show was he hurts himself

dunking a basketball i heard that he like really committed to that and hurt himself or or something and like kept going back for more or something until they got it right but uh i like that part of the show because it's goofy and it's right after Michael's left. But that whole thing where they they make Andy manager and his character grows long hair and then he goes on the boat trip, a.k.a. Films The Hangover 3. It's just the show is shitty and they don't know what to do with his relationship with Aaron. It's on again, off again. Like, I care. And then you got the the other guy guy that the new young guy they brought on

the show his relationship with aaron after andy's a piece of shit for no reason i don't care about any of that it's all garbage they're trying to rehash to see that yeah one of the interns i think they call him flop they bring in two guys like the the one guy that's in all the comedies and then the other guy yeah that's definitely not who i'm thinking of then i'm thinking of the guy who's been there since the beginning he's an intern he's like he goes from like no one to the boss back to no one again oh that's dwight howard yeah oh is it or not did i not dwight howard it's ryan ryan howard yes thank you that's what i was going for i don't like yeah like he's like not like like he's too cool jim like yeah like he's like too

perfect and cool in the later episodes where it's like like not fun to watch that makes sense but like nearly episodes it's like all right he's charming and fun and whatever but then like towards the later episodes it's like he's just the perfect guy they just ran out of shit to do like michael needs to be there to be the wacky one because everybody else is supposed to just be an office you know the whole idea is they're supposed to be there to be filming because somebody one of the employees just they just want to do like what the american office is like and they discovered michael scott and they're like oh we're on gold here we're gonna keep filming so once he leaves it doesn't make sense for the documentary to continue yeah um it's the whole thing is bad after him it's a shame they continued it's really

a shame that he left i wish he just finished it up or they'd called it quits right there although i'm willing to bet that those two years of shitty shows probably paid everybody really well and uh and made sure they didn't have to you know want ever again and now they're all scrounging for scraps on commercials and podcasts and podcasts yeah yeah i see that like pam and uh not jim he's a fucking a-lister right fucking directing movies yeah he's like an action hero and some amazon show i haven't watched it's great it's real good is it what's that other show with um the reacher that's what it was yeah that was the coolest show i've seen on amazon in a while i told you it's very good that's a really good i yeah i watched a highlight or two and then youtube is

like this guy's crazy about reacher so i've i think i've seen every highlight on youtube about reacher at this point. I like the movie, but the show's really good. Yeah. So I don't, I didn't like Tom Cruise being Jack Reacher because Jack Reacher is supposed to be a giant, like the guy they got to play him in the Amazon show. From Blue Mountain State.

Yeah. That's, I've never seen that, but a big motherfucker nonetheless. I liked it. That guy's funny, likable. And what I really liked about that Reacher show is the bad guy was scary.

Because the bad guy doesn't just shoot you. Because that ain't nothing. Usually that's it, right? Oh, what will happen if they find us? They'll shoot us. Oh, no. This guy tortures your family in front of you and castrates you and crucifies you. And sets this room up with mirrors around

you in 360 degrees so you can't turn away from what he's doing to your wife it's like these guys are scary and don't and they there's they show up at your house in the middle of the night while you're asleep like three or four of them with like guns and disguises and gear to do this to you so you there's no way to escape it, to get away from it. And that was terrifying. It's like, that was so scary that that's what happens. And they don't just do it to any character right away.

I think they do it to the sheriff. I think they immediately do it to the sheriff in this town where the shit's going down in, um, for the whole season. It was, it's a good show. I like it a lot.

Well, before the show started, you wanted to talk about a red-headed country music singer. I think I'm not in the loop on this. Yeah, so this guy released this. This guy went super viral. His video got 30 or 40 million views

by now. He's just this red-headed country boy kind of looking guy. He's singing a song called the rich men north of richmond um and uh i don't know it's a really good song yeah it's a little political um but like dc people right uh it's about a lot of stuff there's one part where what does he say um but if you're five foot three and you're 300 pounds and your welfare shouldn't go to your bags of fudge rounds. What? Yeah.

If you're five foot three and you're 300 pounds I don't think anybody's mad. I don't think anybody's mad about that. It's something about your dollar ain't worth shit and you work all day. It's a folksy song. It's good. He got recorded not having the accent that he pretends to have.

Like they talk to him and he just sounds like a regular person. But I guess he has a real country accent when he knows people are going to hear him. I don't know. So he's getting a little heat for putting on airs. Interesting. It didn't look like he's putting on airs in the video. But, man, they must have had to dress it up because he looked like a country boy to me. First of all, there was a deer stand

in the background. They're in the woods. He has three random dogs around him asleep on the ground, kind of listening to him sing. And he's wearing a shirt that sweated through. And he's got a big beard and a shaved head,

short crop, and then his shirt is something like, I don't know, cow? Something to do with cattle. Yeah, this dude. It's like, I don't know. Does it say Goochland? Where do you see that? On his shirt under the cow, does it say Goochland?

Yeah, that's Goochland. Goochland. That's a breed of cow. No, that's a... I had to make it bigger. That's a breed of Brahma, the Goochland. That's a breed of cow. I had to make it bigger. That's a breed of Brahma. The Goochland Brahma cow. I can't tell if Kyle's fooling me.

Now, the Goochland Brahmas are like an Irish breed. I can't keep going. Is this a fiddle or a banjo? What is this? That is a steel guitar. Goochland is a place in Virginia. You should listen to like 10 seconds of the video.

It's very good. Not on the show. I know we shouldn't play the man's music video or anything, but he has a very unique sound. I heard it the other day and I liked it a lot. I don't care about what he's singing about necessarily, although there's a little bit of truth to it, I suppose. And I got a giggle out of him taking a shot at fat people not working or whatever.

I mean, that's good. I like that. Him taking pot shots at fat people. Yeah, you got to support that on the show. We need a little more of that. We need a lot more of that. What if you started watching the Star Trek Strange New Worlds with Jackie? I have two more episodes.

Oh, lovely. So there's an episode of Seinfeld where they talk about the gene pics. And back in the day, you'd have this curated group of VHS tapes that the employees there put together. Oh, this is Dave's

top three of the week. And Star Trek Strange New Worlds is definitely a fucking Kyle pick that I fully endorse with two thumbs up. How about the animated one? You didn't waste your time. So it is more silly and it's more comedic. But it's based in the Star Trek universe. I've watched it sort of in the background before and i'm okay with it i did i did like the crossover episode they did where the animated

character came into the real world and they had the the the voice actor play them and i thought that was wonderfully done and it was great that their voice actors look so much like their characters that's tremendous it would have been so weird otherwise. It wouldn't have worked. They would have done it, I suppose. But I like that Star Trek a lot. It's not classic Star Trek. They're a little...

They speak too casually to one another. They're not professional enough for me because they're essentially the Space Navy, right? It's like fucking sir, yes, sir and shit. They can't, on one scene have them do the traditional boat swaying whistle with everybody standing at

attention in their dress uniforms and then later on be talking about eating pussy, which is what Star Trek Discovery is. The ship's like shaking, you know, they're doing shaky cam and the one lesbian's like, how about the little boogie boogie later? The other lesbian's like, ooh la la.

It's like, save the ship, you cunt! That sounds terrible. Strangely World's real good. There should be more sex talk in every show. Look, it's not... They do a lot of the Star Trek tropes, which I like. It is a bit

soap opera-ish, I suppose. They have a lot of fun with Spock because you know him repressing his emotions he's got a fiancee who's fucking hilarious um she's just so dry she's like oh i see you will not be attending the dinner that you'd we planned how unfortunate i will depart and just like but But there's so much under all that Vulcan straightforward, no emotion shit. Oh, perhaps our wedding will not happen then instead. It's just going to be real cold

at times and it's fun to see their relationship play out because there's all these zany times where like, oh, I've been turned into a human suddenly. What will I do? Shit like that will happen. I like it. I like it i like it a lot but i like star trek the one about spock and his wife are you talking about the animated one or the no the the one that i'm watching yeah yeah yeah i saw that too yeah she's i like her i like

what his fiancee or whatever yeah i think the uh the the blonde nurse nurse chapel's pretty fucking hot uh she's got a really pretty face although she does not those like weird suits they have her in are not very flattering she looks like a you know what i looked at her more carefully can we get a picture of her the nurse nurse chapel from star trek strange new worlds she got this white uniform that is not flattering it's like they tell us that she's hot and i buy it for a while then i look more closely and i'm like you know you're actually not even pretty og nurse chapel was a fucking 10 out of 10 like i'm pretty sure she was the big teddy blonde chick on the right that's god damn it kyle your memories failed you once again

not even that looks like my that looks so much like my second grade teacher God damn it, Kyle. Your memory's failed you once again. That's a really good picture. That looks so much like my second grade teacher. I actually think she's pretty in both these pictures. Is that LaWoxana Troy? Is that the shit? I could be wrong. I don't want to get me wrong. No, I think the chick on the right is very pretty. But she doesn't look good in that body suit it makes her yeah

it takes her shape away look how square she is she's not even square she's sort of a trapezoid her hips are kind of kind of wide but she also stays wide in the middle um it it's not very attractive on her and she's always in it and it's unfortunate because the lights are bright on the ship yeah i bet that in another outfit she's a very shapely person yeah you need to get rick berman running star trek again he needs he knew how to handle this sort of thing he put you in a vacuum tight suit till you'd faint during you know the time between scenes he had jerry ryan fucking you know what sweetheart we're gonna remove your bottom two ribs give you a nice nice waist that would be awesome yeah very great star trek i i

really enjoy it um and they've got plenty of like slack in the timeline to keep making episodes because and they've got they've introduced you to kirk i don't love that actor they got playing like he's one i was pretty good yeah and now i like him a little on it chris are you also no no star trek experience at all i've never seen a second of star trek same same show or the new movies no like nothing i saw the movie that came out in 2009 where the one guy because i've said this before my high school girlfriend's dad like i'd never seen like a he must have been like early 50s at the time like he every time i went over there this is the same house i fucking shit all over every time i would go over there he like after that movie came out he was watching it every

single time do you know what it was yeah it was a plot rundown it was the it was the one where um i like never hung out with him down there and watched it really but he the beginning and then the guy is in the ship and and he's like i need to uh okay the main captain kirk i'm getting it i'm. I'm remembering it in real time. Oh, wait. So it's the woman? Father Captain Kirk is in this big ship, and he's flying towards some sort of other ship. And for some reason, they're like, the autopilot won't work anymore.

You can't leave that ship and teleport back to us. Someone has to be in there to drive it into the space station. And he's like all sad, obviously. And so he's talking to his wife and little future Captain Kirk. And then he's like talking. He's like, what's his name going to be? As he's like flying into the crash. And he's like, his name will be Captain Kirk.

And then what he says, what he says, name after your father. Oh, don't do that to him. James Tiberius, Tiberius. And then, and then he, I,

you really ruined it. I don't know if you, it's a fucking Kelvin timeline where Nero goes back in time and splits the fucking reality. Agree to disagree. Where Captain Kirk's father is killed right before he's born and there's a whole new timeline created by Nero and the battle

that ensues and all that shit. And then he's like obsessed with the 1965 like he's driving a classic car it's hundreds of years in the future It would have been antique His stepfather says, that car's an antique! Yeah, I know, but it's hundreds of years in the future it would have been antique his stepfather says that car's an antique

yeah I know but it's funny because it's just some boomer writing it about something they like imagining that anyone 200 years from now is going to give two fucks about some dog is anybody now obsessed with like like a really great chariot no that's how fucking

retarded that shit is like some idiot is like hey we have you can go to toys r us in this world and buy a hoverboard for free we'll still be in cars 200 years from now and they'll look a lot they'll look enough like a a 19 whatever corvette that i think they'll be you'd want one i just i really think that i don't see i also think we'll be in cars 200 years from now i think public transportation will be better but cars will still be a thing not here not in the us of a and the infotainment's still going to be fucking ass 200 years from now what if that's a good population is 700 million at that point and public transportation just starts making a ton of

sense oh i mean it's 700 million i. I mean, do you mean 700 billion? Or do you mean that we lose? I meant America, because we're at 330 million. Oh, 10-4, copy that. Oh, yeah, I don't know. It seems to me that we've got plenty of room in the Midwest. We've just got to fill it out, right? We've doubled the population.

Suddenly a train makes sense. You look at the population density maps, the left likes to use them, and the right likes to use them because they read the map differently. It's clear that we're just on the coasts for the most part. That's where this huge concentration of us is. We don't want

every fucking area of the country packed to the brim with people. That's something that's pretty awesome about the US, is that there's a lot of people, but it's so big. enormous parks giant wildlife reservations like we're not gonna put them in yosemite taylor if the time 200 years from now and when there's a billion people in america we got it'll probably be and pick a dakota pick a dakota what's your favorite one? South.

Alright, North Dakota, that's where we put the people. Problem solved. Or are you going to go there and look at not the Mount Rushmore? Taylor, I think you did solve this. That kind of works pretty well. That does work okay, but we can use Canada. We force Canada to take all the people in and they fill up their northern provinces and everything and then depending on how either

nice or horrible that ends up being, we decide if we want to pursue it or not. Imagine taking these poor people who have no say in their life and asking them to buy homes in Vancouver. No, they're up on Newfoundland. They're near Yellowknife. The absolute peak.

I can't afford a closet. I realized I was a fan of Rick Perry after I found out about his ranch it's like wow this guy doesn't kowtow to the PC left if you want a fun little Google search look up what's Rick Perry's ranch called y'all have fun with that

and you might be able to make the Google bot say it at you. Oh, you can get Alexa or Bixby or somebody to your, your AI friend to say it to you. It'd be, it'd be a real blast. Yeah. It's dark.

It's dark times in our, in our country. I don't know, man. I'm worried about this war in Ukraine might spill over. My, my, something bad might happen,

but moreover, our leaders just suck. I, I hate them all. I hate them all. worried about this war in ukraine might spill over might something bad might happen but moreover our leaders just suck i i hate them all i hate them all none of them have any ideas other than do the same thing but do it slightly differently nobody no you never hear anybody like talking about some brave new world that we're gonna jump into in in our lifetimes at all it's gonna be the same shit you mentioned ukraine perkosian's dead seemingly dead although that's the kind of guy who fakes his death and it have you seen all the examples of him in disguise yes oh i didn't put their hilarious look they're not great disguises you know in mission impossible where tom cruise

tears off a face that looks so much like john Boyd, you're blown away. No, I haven't seen that. Nothing like that. You're a piece of shit. Is it like that Gordon Ramsay disguise he wears where he looks like a ghoul? Oh, yeah, the Gordon Ramsay disguise. Yeah, where he walks in and it's the most obvious Gordon. Pull up the Gordon Ramsay disguise, please. Where he walks in and people are clearly having to be like,

oh, man. He looks ghoulish it looks like he looks like trump at the bottom right like if trump was uh one of those russian muslims that's what he would look but you can imagine my guess is these are disguises that he wore when he was in a convoy to prevent assassination or when he's when his plane is landing somewhere to pretend like oh it's just fucking colonel clink it's not regojan leader of all wagner or whatever gordon ramsay stunk he looked like a like a neanderthal or some shit he didn't yeah there's an even better one where like he's turning to the side it's like a candid shot and you can see the enormous amount of like latex now that just might be his face.

Yeah. He had some work done to his chin not all that long ago, and he got a lot of those dimples out of there because it was a fucking mess. Mr. Meaty, that old Nickelodeon show. Jesus Christ, that is not a good disguise. I mean, clearly it's Gordon Ramsay, right? Somehow he put on that huge mask

and it's still Gordon Ramsay. He's still in the kitchen being like, you fucking donkey. He's still doing that. It's like that I think you should leave sketch where he's like, I got all this fucking shit on me. Yeah. Yeah, that's a very funny costume. I love a nice bad costume.

That's what I need to do. I need to do Gordon Ramsay. Eight of them or something. These Mission Impossible movies movies they're tremendous i think i've seen the first one that one's old yeah like i've definitely seen where he like he gets lowered down with the wires and he's the sweat's dripping and shit i haven't seen like the last like the second one is the john woo one and he's way more uh into slow motion and and and doves flying through the shot than he is anything else, so it kind of blows.

The third one, though, that's when Philip Seymour Hoffman is the bad guy. He's fucking diabolical. He's like, I'm going to find whoever you love. I'm going to find her, and I'm going to make you watch while I hurt her, and there

will be nothing you can do. Nothing you can do. And I'm going to do it because I want it. You can't stop me. And eventually, they end up in a fucking room. He's fucking letting him know. And Tom Cruise is like, yeah, yeah, buddy. It's

40 minutes later, and they're in the room. And it's like her tied to a chair and Tom Cruise tied to a chair. And he's like, here we are, motherfucker tom cruise tied to a chair and he's like here we are motherfucker and tom cruise please fucking tears running down his bitch made face you gotta watch that movie i'm pretty sure that's three just find the one philip seymour hoffman in it that's the good one i wish he didn't die so early he was so good i wish that i appreciated him when he was alive i you know you still watch the, so you appreciate him more now. Yeah. No more of him.

There's only so many. You know what I learned? Mel Gibson hated Heath Ledger. Why? Because he did Brokeback Mountain, and that was against Mel Gibson. He just fucking hates gay people so much that he never forgave Heath Ledger. Mel Gibson is a

practicing Catholic. He's not down with the gay stuff. He likes his blowjobs before the jacuzzi. You do things Mel's way. He's a goddamn road warrior. The only cool guy in Hollywood, Mel Gibson.

Everyone knows that. He's like Charlie Sheen without the cocaine and crack and such. I like him. He's a great actor, great director. What's the point? He's a wonderful director. What's the one with the Mayans or whatever?

Apocalypto. It might not be Mayans. It might be the Aztecs. Is that good? I haven't seen it. It's really good. But I worry that it might be a case like Mandy, where you watch it and think we set you up because there isn't a lot of dialogue.

My feelings were so hurt when I realized the prank you played on me. Apocalypto is about these villagers in the jungle in the 1500s, we kind of find out maybe roughly and they're just living their tribal life and then a warring tribe come and like kill a bunch of them and kidnap a bunch of them and we find out they're taking them to those big aztec temples or mayan temples whatever the big pyramids for those crazy sacrifices that you hear about on the history channel where they cut a thousand hearts out a day or something because of the eclipse. These guys are on their way. It's

clear that they're heading through that process. They've got to figure out how to get out of it. There's not a lot of dialogue. What there is, they use the Mayan dialect that still survives today that's only spoken by a couple thousand people. They speak that throughout the movie,

the dialect that would have been spoken in that time. uh it's quite good it's uh it's a man trying to you just read the driving factor it i don't remember i just remember i got the story so i don't remember how i took it in if that sounds weird i don't remember if if how it worked but the main character he hides his wife and tiny child in a hole in the ground like during the raid so they're down there and they can't get out without him lowering a rope down to them but he's been taken so he's got to get back to him like time's ticking um for them they're gonna die in that hole if he doesn't not only get free from his sentence to be like whatever the fuck vivisected essentially it's a good movie it's really

good Mel Gibson's the best and I've never seen the Passion of the Christ I remembered everybody just describing it as really violent and gory and I didn't want to see Jesus get beat up like that you know I think Jesus existed I just don't think he was the son of God so I don't I don't see him get roughed up

you know it was a very emotional movie like yeah I remember I saw it like. When when did it come out? 2003, something like that. Probably probably probably around that time. I saw it in theaters like at 12 with my parents. And it was like, dude, this is this is so fucking intense like he gets tortured for a long time just getting the shit beat out of graphically very graphic yeah i can it was a good movie though i had but then

again i was 12 so that was 20 years ago i don't know if i would still like it they show that churches everywhere like like i'm gonna tell you though i bet those donation baskets were full when they were leaving that congregation you watch two hours of the big guy taking that shit taking that beat and at the end of it they're like and he did it all for you sometimes you just thought sometimes you just needed those those motivational movies i remember before a big hockey tournament once like before a championship game we watched miracle on ice and i remember liking it because i was like this is great like this is the easiest practice of all time the passion of the christ so next time you think playing hockey's rough remember when he went through and it's like oh man this is he just like forgot i was practicing hard today was it let me

show you what christ day was like miracle that was a very motivational movie too and if i recall we lost that game we probably should have practiced instead of watching miracle the day i remember what movie it was but we watched a movie in my sunday school and it was like the only thing i remember is there was the twin towers were in the movie and they had to stop the movie and be like, okay, we just want to tell you the twin towers are in this movie. It was 2009. And I'm like, we, it's fine.

We can watch it. We're not going to like freak out when we see the twin towers. They like made an effort to like, what happened to those? Yeah. As if like a kid would be really upset by that. I'm so glad we got out of school before the school shooting like all that stuff the the got crazy and and uh i don't know all the other stuff that's going on in schools now i'm glad that we just missed all of that like we didn't

have our school shootings up because i they said it was i don't i don't necessarily mean that i just mean like living in the age where i see schools with all sorts of protocol and procedure and safe rooms clear backpacks yeah and all that shit like we didn't have any of that shit we um like the worst thing that happened in the bathroom was when that girl went and cut herself that time oh i think a mongoloid raped the girl one time but but you know shit happens That's a pretty horrible thing in the bathroom. I mean, you know, it depends on which one you were. That's a terrible thing. I bet if you asked Jojo, he'd tell you it was a real formative fun day. Someone fucked up letting Jojo out of his cage that day.

So my school didn't have those things, Kyle. But the school down the road atlantic city had metal detectors clear backpacks like all those safety protocols that's for gang activity though right yeah you weren't worried about a white kid doing the shooting so when a white kid comes he shoots everybody when a black kid shoots up a school he just gets the guys he's after more or less he's not gonna hunt room to room like the terminator it sounds right a white kid will do you like that there's one i i don't even like bringing it up because it's like don't even want to put it into the ethos but i remember it was the

one after columbine it was like the second shooting i'd ever heard of was these it was either one or two boys i think in alabama and what they did was they either called in a threat or pulled a fire alarm. And then they got on a hill overlooking where everybody would line up outside and started shooting people. And I remember thinking, shit, we do line up outside in a fucking row on command. Anytime anybody pulls that motherfucker. And it was scary. You know, I was just about to graduate, I think then, or maybe I had, but it was scary you know i was just about to graduate i think then or maybe i had but it was still in my head today it's like that's scary there were a

couple that got me that are more recent uh the vegas shooter by the way still don't know his motivation and what happened there but he just used like basically full auto i know there were some bump stocks involved and stuff like that and shot into a crowd at a concert and that had always been like the worst case scenario. Not only did he get all those bullets and you can just hit anything shooting into a crowd but there's the stampede.

It's a, yeah, that was a really bad one and then I'm trying to remember the other one was in my mind. Oh, there was this. The New Zealand church thing where they went into that. Oh, Christ Church. It wasn't a church. It wasn't a church.

I thought it was a Muslim thing. It was a mosque. The area was called Christ Church. The city is called Christ Church. But the mosque. Yeah. Roger that. Yeah.

So that guy was just. I hate to give. I hate to say anything complimentary, but he was really effective at not letting people escape. Really catching them lined up. P pinned them in the back room like he he was when he gets 73 kills or something i don't remember he was brutal inefficient though i saw like him just blow the tops off people's heads in the street uh like without flinching when he leaves he runs over that lady's body and it's the wild part if you watch after he's killed everyone i've seen the whole thing and then like after it after it he's driving away and he comes to

an intersection with a crosswalk and some people sort of give him some shit like hey watch we're walking here and he's like polite with them and it's so weird because he just killed all that he's like i'm sorry sorry he's like letting the people go because they weren't they weren't muslims or they were still muslims exactly look he was yeah i'm pretty sure he was driving around later and there's not video of this but i think i read that the deal was he continued driving around and was only shooting at i guess brown people i don't you know they're you know they're in new zealand and they're in that part of the town near the mosque. But he killed so many people.

51. I just googled it. He had containers of gasoline that he was trying to... He sort of had this moment. He's wearing a body cam. He has this moment where he's like, should I take the gas in? Nah, let me get this other gun though.

I think he retrieves a second gun and goes back and shoots more people dude it went the version of it that i watched while he was grabbing his uh guns and stuff from the trunk and like setting everything up was set to music it was like his music wait what it's like so some i don't know shit about 4chan culture but it's they called it meme music. He's listening to it the whole way there. He's cracking jokes about the Austin Powers. I might be misremembering it, but to me it was like,

I know it wasn't exactly this, but like the Doom music, just rocking sort of hype music. I might be wrong. Whatever. It was a while ago. Yeah, it's been a while ago. Yeah, that was a real rough one. This recent one you know where those little children were killed those uh you

know that that shit's awful i mean you don't want to see anybody get shot but when it's those little bitty kids it's so horrific i don't understand i don't know there's been a couple of them recently where like kindergartners died the one that where we were really happy about the way the guy charged in and got the person oh Oh, yeah, yeah. They stepped over, like, I don't know, a five-year-old or something on the way. Like, after they got to the second floor, before they got into that sort of open atrium area where the shooter was and they killed him. I think they step over, like, a little five-year-old in pink or some shit. You know, they blur it, but you could tell what it is.

Wasn't one of them, like, was that the girl shooter? There was, like, a female shooter or something? Trans person. person yeah it was a trans person i don't remember yeah yeah i don't i don't remember exactly how they defied but yeah the shooter was trans i i feel like the sandy hook one was like the first one in a while like that was like the one like because i think that was like right after i got out of high school so like that's why we didn't have any like protocols or like training or anything like that at my school and then like sandy hook happened and then more and more school ones happened after that but i don't remember much happening like in the late or the early 2010s before that i kind of feel like you're right like there was a gap there i want to say the boston bombing was around that time yeah as far

as schools i don't remember much happening up until 90 hook yeah you might be right bombing was around that time. Yeah. As far as schools, I don't remember much happening up until 90 hook. Yeah. You might be right. Bombing was, I, we talked about it earlier, but I wanted them to get those guys, you know,

it was bullshit. They did. They got themselves. No, I got one of those other guys that didn't do it. They got everybody to be safe. No one got out free. I remember, I remember we were in this bar

um restaurant thing it was like noon and we were watching that it just had happened you know because it's i think they start the race it's an early morning thing right and it was noon or two in the afternoon we were watching it on tv and it was like god they gotta get these people you know they gotta get them or they're just gonna do it again and they an attack like that like clearly they're just gonna do something like that again and you know the way they had done it with this pressure cooker bombs and the ball bearings or whatever um i was i was glued to everything about that i was so into capturing the czarnaev brothers that was wild i didn't follow it after it happened.

I'm surprised there's never been like a documentary. Of course there has. Marky Mark made a fucking movie about that shit. Remember that? Fucking Boston Strong. Yeah, who else? Remember? Remember when they took everybody's fucking rights away throughout the whole Constitution and the Bill of Rights?

It's like, get back in your fucking houses with the Army and the APC strolling through the streets. Remember that? America! Boston Strong! Yeah. That's what they did. They declared martial law and get in your fucking house, civilian.

Rolling down the streets. In tanks and shit. In APCs. They brought... It's good they got those Shit. They brought, yeah. Uh, and it, you know, it's good. They got those guys by any means necessary.

If you tell me that, Hey, the best way to just like with the virus, like I said, if we all go inside for a week, we'll have no more virus. We all go inside for a week. It'll be easier to find the people who have nowhere to run or hide.

You know what I mean? I'm a, I was a, it kind of made sense. I don't want to live in boss. Look, imagine you're a Bostonian as they like to be called. And, and there's people getting blown up. You don't want to live in Boston. Look, imagine you're a Bostonian, as they like to be called, and there's people getting blown up.

You don't want to go to work the next day, and maybe the Czarneyevs come for you. Maybe they're down there at Vandelay Industries because they don't want any more latex coming into the city. Maybe they're taking out all the exporters that day. That's not good for those of us with... And the importers. They could be the importers too.

Nope. No old bard when it comes to the Czarneyev brothers. exporters that day. That's not good for those of us with and the importers. Nope. Is that another one of your go-to Seinfelds with George pretending to be successful? Oh, yeah. Anything with George. George is like, yeah, anything with George. I'll watch that episode. I like when he lies about selling computers for

his dad's already fake computer sale business. Yeah. Or anything with George's dad, too. My favorite thing is the blooper reel from the Bad Boy episode when they go to the... I think he got arrested for littering.

It was the Bad Boy George episode and then he comes and he's like him and Elaine back and forth and they just can't get the scene done with. It's just so absurd. That's one of the funnier moments. My son George couldn't have hatched a paper

like this. It had to be you. What the hell does that mean? You want to be serious? Drop you like a bag of dirt. And then when they freeze frame, Elaine's's clearly gonna clock him she's throwing like a big hook so fucking good r.i.p to george's dad i'm pretty sure he's dead yep frankestan and i think him and like jerry's parents died like the same month all or one of them i think all the

parents are dead now all the seinfeld wait wait no Estelle I think George's mom is I don't fucking know oh that Lloyd Braun that's such a good episode Kramer stop short on me he's fucking great you stop short with my wife I got a piece so god damn bad

Chris where can everybody find everything you related YouTube Chris James TV everywhere else Chris the James. That's it. Nice. Check them out. Links in the description. PKA 662.