Painkiller Already - PKA 679 W/ Drift0r: Congress Spicy Film, Drift0r Is Cured Again, Fishtank Season 2

Episode Date: December 23, 2023

pka679 with our guest the crypt keeper taylor this episode of pka is brought to you by pharaoh distro.com and lock and load the premium supplement for words and things we aren't supposed to say in the first 15 seconds so i got your back woody look at that and drifter i was hoping that we'd get you sitting upright. Is there any good health news? Yes. I thought about starting this sitting upright. I'm doing more of that these days, but it would just be a facade. It would be 20, 30 minutes and then we'd have to transition into here. The health news is I'm recovering? Question mark? Said that a number of times on this show, for sure. I got treated for babiosis infection,

which is a parasitic protozoan that lives in your blood. And I can see you wincing the incredible, unbelievable audacity of this story. Wait, what is it called? The name of it. I was like, wait, what? Babio, what is it called? Babiosis.

It's reverse aging. So what I've prepared for you is actual proof that i'm not just bullshitting you all this is my actual test i actually got this a man who can read the room painfully rare disease negative negative negative all right wow that's a lot of that's a lot of aids in your blood yeah but the way it cut off the babiosis whatever for the fish down there is positive at the bottom. So that's what I got treated for. It was successful.

I felt a shit ton better. And let's see if I can go back to my actual regular screen now that I've done that. And a crazy thing is two days after starting the medication to treat this, all of my nightmares and bad dreams and shit just full stop. this all of my nightmares and bad dreams and shit just full stop 35 years of insane nightmares and crazy stories and you know conversations on here about nightmares and shadow people three or four days of medication and i have not had a nightmare since october so that's all right that's a couple months then you've been on medication for three or four days i had it only took three or four days for that change to take effect. The course of the medication was just antibiotics for like two weeks.

And now I'm just doing physical therapy and regular follow-ups. And I know I'm still in the bed and it looks terrible, but things are... No, I was worried it was a really small sample size. Like, I took this medicine and I haven't had a terror all night. Like, yeah. Since October, though. Are you just a little bit jealous of being able to just lie in the bed like that

and go to work? Because, like, you know, like a little part of you, like, try it for a day. You'd be like, this is all right. Yeah. Kind of nice. Dude, I could do the show laying down.

I'd fall asleep. Time to open my eyes and go to work. I need something typed. You clap. I got to text the speech, so i just lay here and talk into the mic and it types everything for me and i've pasted it it's real lazy workstation my wife and most of the guests in the house want to try it out and love it we have uh what you don't see over here past the camera as a tv setup and some other things so i can very easily just turn it on and share what's on the screen like if we wanted to play a game together whatever somebody wanted to people that would be

so fucking funny to come in that room and be like let's watch a movie and i'm watching a tv and it makes me think do you have you ever like been on your phone in a bed and you're holding it above your face and you drop it and it's like yeah like i've done that multiple times and it's embarrassing and that would be cataclysmic if you're set up worse than that so i will have my laptop on my chest like this and then it goes bang i have done this show with a cut across the brow of my nose from the fucking apple laptops notoriously can slice loaves of bread. They're so thin. They're sharp. Also the brow of your nose. Minimize the scab

and try and pull it off. Did you fall asleep in our call this week? When we were... I played the fifth. That's yes. Detective Taylor sleuthed that one out right away. People don't bleed the fifth.

I've watched a lot of programming with Woody. I'll say like, like in person side by side, but also technically we've slept together. Oh, we've slept together. A hundred percent. We've been in the same bed together with Taylor,

but what, what happened, what, what happens is, and just imagining the fan art right now, hopefully they render your abs just right. Make me the hairy muscular one. Don't your abs just right. Make me the hairy, muscular one. Don't get my abs right.

Make them better. It was in the middle. At the very least, I want to be a power bottom. All of us. All of us. There was like eight of us in that bed. Yeah, we all watched UFC in a call, and I just remember hearing, and someone went, and someone, bless their heart, went,

is Woody sleeping sleeping they whispered so as not to wake you and i'm like yeah he's asleep you can play carnival music he's not like i was asleep and i did snore although they were talking mad shit and and like that woke us up when once i start hearing my name a lot and stuff like i'm back in it and i'm like jackie's like you know let's just be quiet listen to what people say about you while you're sleeping kyle is kind but the fans maximum assholishness did you keep really brutal stuff like did you fake snores to sell it because i would imagine that as soon as the snoring stopped it's like wait too quiet in here he was just overly confident that i was

still out so you missed some of the best fights no no it was the colby covington fight and sleeping was the proper response to that i assure you it was it was not a good fight that was not a good car either of you win or lose a little bet on it i owe $25 yeah yeah i think you made a bet on that one yeah this uh this babiosis thing, I was, I'm looking it up. This is one of those tick diseases that you get from getting bit by a tick. Did they tell you, or do you know when the tick bite could have happened? No clue. Uh, I am so lost. It was so hard to find even a single doctor in the entire state of Texas willing to treat this. And their speculations on how I got it was a blank. Uh, like if you go on the CDC and look it up, uh, between one and three

people in the state of Texas get it every year. So I guess I'm just lucky. Um, were you an outdoorsman at any point? Like lots of kids grew up real poor, uh, out in the country in Mississippi, rural agricultural area some in kentucky as well uh you know the kind of thing where you catch dinner to catch your fish and eat it or well kentucky that's you know now based on this i moved in with rich step dad it was like let's get in the go-kart and go out in the woods and fuck with stuff and shoot guns and yeah and he was the dad who would be like, nightmare, nightmare, demons. So I have no idea where or how I got it.

I have no clue. I am just as in the dark as all of you. All I can say is that I took the medicine and I feel better. And I think that might have been fucking me for years. I have a couple of questions. Did they suspect babiosis or just run all kinds of tests? It was, I was all kinds of tests. I was 87 different kinds of desperate and confused. And I was sitting here and I would pray every morning, please God, let me be crazy. Let this be a sixth sense moment where I'm Bruce Willis. And I realized everything is fine and I

just need some fucking Xanax and nothing was working. So I started taking kind of weirder tests at random. There was a company called IGNX that would test you not just for Lyme, but for every single tick-borne disease on the planet. And it was like, oh, it's $3,500 to test everything. Sign me up, ship that shit out right now. My internist said, why not? You're having all those joint problems. And lo and behold, it was like a month, maybe six weeks later, it came back and it was positive. And I had no idea what to do with that information. And it kind of started a whole series of events. I think I'd actually just gotten that news like two days before I showed up here as a clown. But I had to wait to get it confirmed by an actual infectious disease doctor. And

we couldn't even replicate that particular test because we tried testing for individual strains and got nothing so since the medication was relatively low side effect profile they're like let's give you the medication see how you respond response to the positive my second question was the antibiotic like yeah you haven't what happens like say with syphilis oftentimes is people don't know they have syphilis but somewhere along the way they get strep throat take an antibiotic and and syphilis never gets as bad as it did for who al capone or whatever you didn't you haven't had an al you haven't had an antibiotic in years i genuinely don't ever remember taking an antibiotic

since i was like nine years old oh i mean i might have truly i just don't remember remember taking an antibiotic since I was like nine years old. I mean, I might have truly, I just don't remember it. I'd never really got a bacterial infection that I can recall having certainly not in the last decade. I mean, maybe if I was something I was 13, I might've forgot it, but yeah, the antibiotic that made me take was if you had to drink it, it was this bright green, I say bright yellow stuff that looks and tasted about like highlighter fluid. And I had to drink it. It was this bright green or bright yellow stuff that looks and tasted about like highlighter fluid. And I had to drink it three times a day. It was awful. I feel like psychologically that would help me. I'd be like this. This elixir will get me well. The placebo effect, the bigger and weirder the medicine is, the more it impacts your body, the more it impacts your mind, the stronger the placebo effect is or the nocebo effect.

You can give people big red pills that say poison and they'll take them and like half the people will get sick or feel weird every time. Yeah. Yeah. It's way like psychosomatic responses. Like you can create pains in your body in different places. Like you, that stuff is powerful and it's, it's probably good. They didn't put you on antibiotics. At least my understanding is like, they don't want, they don't want people to, Oh, they did this time, but not before. I took antibiotics, not anti-psychotics or ssris oh anti-psychotics i was saying because like i know when i've been sick in the past they're like well this could be the flu so let's not put you on antibiotics even though it might be stressed because it can mess with

your like guts and stuff oh oh yeah my gut flora That's what I really care about. I'm like, well, I didn't come into this office knowing there was a difference. I'll take diarrhea over the flu. Apparently, it takes a while to build all that shit back up again. You're describing my life six weeks ago or two months ago

or whatever. I shit my whole ass on that stuff, like the lining, everything. It was so gross. But it only took a little bit to build it back up. The lining of your mouth. I might as well have been drinking paint thinner. It cleaned me out so bad.

But a lot of yogurt, a lot of probiotics. It's all back to normal. So that's good. I can eat spicy food again. So yay. What's the prognosis on getting out of that bed? Good. Physical therapy started early in november and i

know i'm in a bed and this looks fucking it's always ridiculous uh but it is actually better i can travel outside the city a little bit now i think that we were out say that again that's great he's got the processing but i like it now i'm doing a little bit more i'm working if you look at my channel there's more gaming i built this whole insane setup with the help of uh some friends and my wife and so now i can game which is fun where's the mouse i get my ass whooped it's talk to mouse over there click his head right click his head oh damn no seriously oh oh right there all right now i understand well you can i would be i'd be god awful mouse yeah well okay so what you don't

see is on the right side there's a little bit more space i have it cleared off for the mouse and i have a split keyboard so on the left hand side there'd be a little split half keyboard down here that i can just work i kind of i kind of. So I'm back to playing games. Has anybody here played the finals? Can we talk about the finals? The finals. What is it? Fill us in. Never even heard of it.

It's a really twitchy new FPS game, kind of in the genre of Overwatch or Apex Legends or maybe even Valorant. It is a multi-team shooter with an emphasis on mobility. It runs exceptionally well on PC. And the gimmick that makes it really cool is that everything is destructible, like Red Faction on PlayStation 2,

and that literally every single thing in the map is destructible, all server side, all happening in real time. So when you take down a building, it comes down on the server. So everybody sees it at the same time. You can all interact with the little pieces. And it's not kind of like the opposite of Minecraft.

Like you're trying to capture an objective or plant a flag and you can destroy the building in certain ways to protect or defend. And it's just really well made, really well optimized. It ran like a dream on a crappy 1050 GPU I was trying it on the first time. Free to play, good cosmetics. I had a lot of fun with this game.

Okay. Something different. That wasn't a good card eight years ago thank you yeah yeah uh it's worth checking out for sure yeah gameplay yeah absolutely in the in the first person shooter genre that's a little uh stale a lot of times the biggest change recently was probably battle royale and that's still like six years ago But the finals feels like something that's kind of fresh, something that's kind of new. They kind of got a different idea of how to do FPS, and I've personally been enjoying it a lot. Is this like Call of Duty, like 12 on 12, like my ground war? No, it's you'll start out with four teams of three. So 12 people, four, four multi-team. And as you progress through the ranked match,

the teams will be eliminated until it's a three V three, uh, match for the final round. This looks pretty cool. I would start. I've been playing the Tarkov arena mode that just came out. There's a big controversy about that. Cause you don't know Tarkov's this early release game that kind of depends

on its fans to buy a special version of the game for $120 for for them to be able to do all this depth depth stuff for the last six years or whatever and it's not a release pardon no no and they come out with an arena mode which is supposed to be like a standalone game and you would think that the edge of darkness purchasers all of us who spent that money for years and years have been playing the game in its shitty state would get first dibs at that and i did get in like on the second day of it but all the streamers got in on day one some of us got in on day two and there's still people who who bought the edge of darkness thing a year or two ago and they haven't gotten access to the the new game and even worse they're selling the other game for 35 if you bought edge of darkness you eventually you get it for free that was the deal that they made years ago but now if you just give them 35

more dollars you get instant access so people are doing that which is just supporting a terrible business practice but i like the game so i don't care yeah you're one of those people supporting the terrible i didn't pay for it they gave me access on day two. I don't mean like double paid. Wow. No, I wouldn't do that. You're famous. You're like a. No, no, no.

It's just I bought Edge of Darkness like. No, we get it. We get it. You don't have to oversell Kyle's special. If you get like a whitelist special server with all the other cool people. You and Shroud. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. Shroud? Absolutely, yes, yes.

Shroud was there. They let him in later on. Not at first. Shroud said, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, do you have an extra code? There's Shroud, and then there's you. Well, they asked me. They were like, Kyle, Shroud wants in. What do you think?

And I'm like, let him wait a few. Let him pretend like we're thinking it over. And then, yeah, let him in. But no, I'm enjoying that game a lot because Tarkov's that hardcore simulation. You've got a heavy bleed, use a tourniquet kind of game, but they're making it a 6v6 or a 5v5, like Call of Duty style, just hit each other in the middle.

It's all team deathmatch, question mark? It's more like Search and Destroy, where if the game goes too long, there's an area you have to destroy and then there's an interesting mechanic where if both if it's like 1v1 or whatever and both guys are stalling they just send in all the bosses they send like killer in a bunch of ai to figure it out whichever one of you they find first loses basically one life per round just like uh csgo like CSGO or Call of Duty Search and Destroy or something like that. Is there just one game mode?

There's one mode that, like I said, I think is five versus five with first to five wins. And then there's another mode that's 2v2 and 3v3 that's a round-robin tournament that it inserts you in. So you and your partner go into this arena, and you play one round of TDM against another team of two. But all the while, the other four or five teams are on the catwalk above you, literally watching it go down. So that's a neat component. So we win ours, and we go up there.

All right, we're in the winner's column. You can see it on a scoreboard that's in-game. And now we watch red team and green team face off to see who's they're in the winner's column too watch red team yeah look at that guy look at that guy he's throwing a grenade every time that was kind of a neat mode so it's not a fully fleshed out thing yet but i really like it i like the the arena mode they added everybody else hates it timeline on the kill cam uh well there is kill cam in arena mode and it works really really well i didn't know okay yeah yeah it works really just like so helpful just like cod it's so helpful for figuring out like

what the fuck just happened and you're like oh that guy was looking at didn't kill me there's a guy way behind me that's like looking through a crack in a rock who shot me once in the back that killed me and it's great to get that information and not feel like you got cheated it's a hell of a grind though and uh it's not gonna i don't think it's gonna be popular in the future it's just got too many short i've watched a video about it by deadly slob who by the way seems to have gone on a fitness kick and looks amazing so good for him back to him cool i gotta i gotta see him but love deadly slob okay um and uh i lost my train of thought because i was fantasizing about sorry he made a video about the arena mode oh and he was talking about the kits unlocking the kits

is apparently a painful drudgery task that like you have to play with guns that you hate in order to get to guns that you like you need to spend a lot of time with kits you wish you didn't have. Yeah. And don't imagine he was saying that like, there seems to be some sort of skill-based matchmaking. So you break out the stuff that you love, you get ranked highly. And then now you're breaking out the stuff that you're terrible with, or maybe going out down a different branch of the tree.

That's what it is. And you, now you suck because you're using like a pump shotgun and everyone else has fully auto m4s and you're just on the struggle bus against the great players you earn the right to play with your m4 and he just he didn't like it yeah that that is the the case to some extent um and don't imagine like call of duty where every maybe every few minutes you unlock an attachment or you there's just a pre- kit there, and you grind on this pre-made kit that leads down to the next

pre-made kit, and if you jump off it and it goes to another kit, now you're not grinding for the other kit. It's a lot of games if you're not winning. I win more than I lose, but when you lose you get like 3800 XP. When you win, you get double or a little bit more than that.

It could take twice as long for a loser to rank up a kid as a winner. Is there any interaction between arena mode and what I'll call classic mode? Thank God. No, that would ruin everything. Yeah, they can't let people bring shit from there.

There's no balance. But I wondered if you could rank or something. You know, XP. Maybe get a cosmetic. No. just but there's no bad brain shit but i wondered if you could like rank or something you know xp maybe get a cosmetic no that's a good thought yeah yeah no cosmetics i'm glad there aren't cosmetics in that fucking game not really that you know there's streamer items don't want to run around people up look fortnite's the most successful game that i have ever seen like my god from starting from what they were and then just constantly changing what they do and what they are to stay current,

relevant, and very popular. Last time I looked, it was Spider-Man versus Peter Griffin or something like that on that game. And then when Peter Griffin gets shot, he falls down and does that thing with his knee. Ah! And it's like, they clearly don't care about making a game where

some, oh, dude, he's Peter Griffin. How is that fair? No one cares, apparently. No one cares if it's fair or not. They're just having a good time. And I've always despised Fortnite and its gameplay and the building aspect of it and the silliness and the graphics. I like PUBG more, but PUBG died and Fortnite's killing it.

I've never played Fortnite. You played the no build. What's the no? Like Fortnite, but no fort? They added a little regenerating shield, so it's a little Cotter Halo style. And, well, it's also in the regular mode, but there's a lot of additional mobility,

a lot of climbing, jumping, sliding, stuff to hit. The game feels incredibly fluid now. Fortnite was very wonky when it first came out, but now it feels like a polished game i admire fortnight it seems to be a great game i've watched a lot of it i stay away from it because it just seems like the skill ceiling is really high like for you to get good the way that you need to like shoot and build and switch and just have an understanding of what's going around you people have been playing this game for what six seven years now if i were to walk into that game it'd be like walking into

chess like oh these people are been perfecting their talents in this game for decades and i'm fucked i'll never be any good it's like one of those games that when i see a highlight clip of it and i see the guy like twitch moving around at least when I see Call of Duty like slide canceling and all that way better than I could ever dream I'm like I get what he's doing he's trying to get back over there faster so he can avoid this crossfire Fortnite I'm like that's a ramp he's is he like choosing between options

before he placed that down and in the time I just said that sentence he made five more ramps and like multiple walls and I'm like this is this would be frustrating for me the guy on the bottom is shooting them out from under him and the guy on the bot and then someone flies in and it's thanos and he shoots his fucking magical glove at you and you die and i'm like what are y'all playing here what are y'all doing at my peak in cod you know i was i moved well i you know you could do that jump kraut sideways through a window thing smoothly. That would differentiate me from worse players.

That version of me, my peak, is straight up special needs compared to what people are doing in Fortnite nowadays. And I'm like, ah, forget it. I don't even need that guy. Yeah, nobody's doing basic nade shots anymore. This is how you build, you know, a fucking, the Leaning Tower of Pisa

in two seconds while getting a triple. I wonder how someone who's like 19 who's been playing Fortnite since they were 12 would do if they jumped to Tarkov for the first time though and got a heavy bleed. How would they do socially? Probably really fast. That's actually interesting because

Tarkov has a social aspect. I'm only questing. Headshot. They might not. Is that a really try hard game? I'm here for headshots. That's why I had to quit playing build mode in Fortnite, because I tried to you'd see somebody and you're in a gunfight. You're like, I'm just going to hit this guy right in the head

with a shotgun or sniper or something. Three walls come up super fast. And I couldn't I was remember I was like trying to learn how to do that, how to build those ramps and walls and watching tutorials didn't even help me because people built them faster than 60 FPS could capture. So little steps would sometimes be missed. And you had to do stuff like when people make a box, you have to break a wall, but instantly replace the wall with your own wall, the very frame that it breaks, and then edit a hole in

and shoot through the hole. And I was in my 30s trying to do this. I just couldn't keep up. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that reminds me of, I don't know if you've ever watched Rust when people are doing a raid defense, especially solo raid defense. Their walls are getting blown down and they have to jump so they can reach the area they're trying to get to where the wall's been exploded and then they they create a twig wall switch to their hammer upgrade the twig to metal and that requires this really quick little sequence of of inputs and time just right and pros do it so fucking fast it's it's i can't i can't even come close to that that's why like like a game that slows everything down maybe i'm on the side of wall, you're on that side of the wall.

We might even talk about this. Like, dude, you shot me in the leg. You shot me in the arm! You want to just go that way and I'll go this way? Yes! Believe it or not, Minecraft has a similar kind of stupid skill ceiling and it's fighting now. And it's going a couple

times. One, there are critical hits so you need to aim for the head and there's a lot of movement and it's hard now and like i end this going a couple times but one there are critical hits so you need to aim for the head and there's a lot of movement then it's hard to tell what's going on but people can be good at it and two the inventory management is outrageous so they've hot keyed one through nine and that right there takes a little bit of skill you just hit seven easily but like once your helmet breaks off you need to go into your inventory grab it and put another helmet on and that is harder than you'd guess to do in the middle of a sword fight. Can you drag or you gotta double click or

shift click? You have to open your inventory and drag it to your character's little head in the inventory screen. It's kind of like Apex. I wouldn't know. Yeah, but people who are good at it do it so quickly you can't even see it that fast like it just

blinked up and i'm like holy shit what just happened there was that a macro did he cheat or is he that good and i can't always tell i played minecraft like i have uh xbox game pass and so like sometimes i'll just go on there and it'll say like included in your pass so like download this game now and so i've just been looking for like just any game to try on there and it'll say like included in your past so like download this game now and so i've just been looking for like just any game to try on there that i have no experience with so i downloaded minecraft the other night i have i'm boomer mode when it comes to minecraft i have no i never got into it i never played it ever i played a little bit with woody like four years ago and he explained some to me and i got on there and i just set up a normal world just

clicked through like normal enemies allowed all that and i was like i'm not gonna look up how this is a game for babies i'm not gonna i'm not gonna look up how things are done i'm gonna figure it out dude i first of all i'm like struggling i'm like i know there's there's some sort of table you need to do everything in this game so i struggled for a while to figure out what a crafting table is you just have to put four blocks in your shit then you can make the real stuff in the crafting which is a three by three grid but i was just i was just walking around to be i'm high as shit but late at night and so i'm just like punching rocks being like okay if i find rocks i can go probably arrange them like a pick and maybe that'll give me a thing and so i'm like trying to put three woods up and like a rock

and a rock or like maybe maybe there's a wooden pickaxe that's lower tier like wood wood wood wood wood and i'm meanwhile it's like getting to be dark and i get i get fucked by uh the exploding guy and some spiders but then you come right back and now i have no inventory and so i built my base a little closer to what i assumed was a village of friendly pig people but i got too close to them they fucked my ass up like i got like i got like deep into their community i was walking around i thought i was like looking around at their little hoveling shops and then they started attacking me they didn't attack me at first and so i played probably 35 minutes stoned as shit never built anything kept getting killed by the exploding people and was like this is fucking gay i'm done with the minecraft because i'm waiting i'm like i'll

play with you i'll take you to the nether what the netherworld yeah then yeah i couldn't get into it so i downloaded fall guys instead which was another free one on there I gotta win baby Fall Guys that's pretty gamer Colin still plays that game and he is shockingly good at Fall Guys now he's literally the autistic kid who never

stops playing Fall Guys he just practices for like two hours a day he just fucking pushes everybody's shit into that game oh my god i'm glad i didn't he's probably in all the lobbies that i'm in where i'm just getting destroyed i've played like probably two and a half hours again high at night you know just trying this out and like i've played enough like loops through it now that like i'll survive and get to like certain ones and i'll just quit and leave because

i'm like fuck this is the one where you have to jump on the bouncing lily pads and i got no chance against these 10 year olds in this i get butt fucked every time on the lily pad run and so i just back out i leave that one at this point i know my limits winning fall guys is like an nba player making a foul shot it's like 80 and he's he's not, he doesn't care. He's like, yeah, I'm supposed to. Yeah. It's a harder game than you would guess. Yes. It makes you feel like it makes you feel so stupid when you fall

off or when you're in the lead and it's like you're in the top three guys. You're like, oh, these fucking retards can't keep up with me. And then other times like you're seeing everybody passing you on the fucking lily frog lily pad game getting like they know know exactly where to go and i'm like this so the perfect game where it's like anyone who's better than me is a no life loser and anyone who's worse than me is retarded like that's how i look at it just hearing mario party online like

you play mario party over christmas you dominate your family because you're a gamer and you think i'm pretty good at this then maybe if that had a ranked mode you could step in and play like the diamond and top 500 mario party players which would be analogous to fall guys and just get your shit pushed in super hard so taylor you talked about gaming high that's one of my favorite things in the world it's pretty fun i gotta ask do you play vr games when you're high i've never played a vr game before i don't have a vr uh setup and you're super missing out they they're great. But I will tell you, if there is proof of God's existence, it's

the fact that virtual reality and marijuana exist in the same universe. You pop V8 and you go put on an HTC Vive or Oculus or whatever, it's just the perfect combo to really suck you into that world. And I, that's like one of my favorite things to do

when i can it's just what are you playing on the oculus uh well right now very little but when i do play it's usually beat saber okay that's like um dan sands revolution right like where you're yeah except you've got lightsabers and you hit stuff uh it's just very very zen so i like that and there was this other game i used to love called sirento vr which was just like a ninja murder simulator but i could just do that for hours and hours and hours kyle went through a little phase with that recently getting vr and whatnot you're thinking about upgrading perhaps ghosts of tabor yeah um i i don't know i'm into this tarkov thing right now It's scratching that itch. But Ghost of Tabor is essentially Escape from Tarkov in VR. Like, just a

copy-paste of Escape from Tarkov and all of its mechanics and the way it's played and the stash. It can't be as finished, right? Well, it's in VR. Everything's there. It just, you know, the graphics aren't quite as good because it's VR. It's kind of weird and you'll have people probably pointing their guns around corners and stuff.

One of the things that makes Tarkov talk off is the complexity and realism around the guns. And I would guess that takes a long time to add to a game. They look. I haven't played a ton. I've only played a few hours. But from what I saw, you know, you can reach down and put your flashlight on the gun, reach down, put the sight on the gun, put your mag in, check your mag. Like everything was there. light on the gun reach down put the sight on the gun put your mag in check your mag like like everything was there but it was a number of attachments and the compatibility like you know

you buy this grip all this grip fits an ak but it'll never fit an ar i think that's how they do things and but they you've got a real stash so i've seen they're so cluttered it's just like someone's real gun room just these huge pot but it's vr so you don't mind taking a whole pile of l can sites or trigicon acogs just throwing them in so they'll have piles of everything and they just reach up in the piles of like i think you need batteries that for your optics and stuff so they're putting batteries in and stuff it's pretty funny uh to see that translated to vr and but it got tedious for me and I kept getting motion sickness. I was, I realized how silly it was drifter to ask about your VR endeavors as you're laying in the bed now, but how much, how much time can you be up and about in a given day?

Um, in a given day, I'm trying to expand that time. I'm probably up two or three hours total, maybe four on the day. I can drive. I can drive. I can go. The big issue is really sitting, uh, sitting. I don't like more than about 15 minutes. I can deal with up to about an hour. If I, like, if I'm in a lobby and I can get up and stretch my legs a little bit and stuff, uh, if I end up having to sit around for more than an hour, I can kind of get fucked up,

which is bad. Uh, so I do have a lot of time. What happens if you sit too long? Uh, back starts getting tighter and tighter because it's got the little vertebra that slips around. Then I'll start feeling sciatica down one leg, maybe the other leg, the tightness will increase. And eventually it hits a point where the spine itself starts hurting. And the problem isn't that like, okay, that's bad. I can get up and put an ice pack on and stretch. The problem becomes that that pain can last for days or weeks or if I really fuck it up, maybe a month or something.

So I can't just say, ah, it's fine. I'll push myself today. Do you have to lean in different ways? I remember from TV shows imagining that bed sores were a bigger problem than they were maybe. Do you have to worry about that or do you just shift around? So far, I haven't had bed sores were a bigger problem than they were maybe like do you have to worry about that or do you just just shift around so far i haven't had bed sores it does suck i can only lay on my back and not my side so that's a fucking l as as by far the laziest person here i

could tell you you must really have to lay in that bed and not move at all to get bed sores because um the way the way he's got his mouse i'm like yeah when me and you used to play age mythology like religiously yeah all that was in bed that's how you played yeah i get in bed i um i take a i didn't a mouse pad wouldn't work but i had this big like poster board you know it's like you would do like a class project yeah and i and i use that as a mouse pad and you know my and my and my laptop in my lap in bed and my notebook full of all my notes. Yeah, your bills. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man, I could not play a game that intense. I can't even do this show leaning back. I feel like I have to be leaning forward to be more engaged. When I make gaming videos for YouTube, literally every single one of them is from bed. I always gamed in bed i would just sit up in bed with my with my controller and the tv like at the foot of the bed i i thought the idea of having a monitor and a desk and a chair while playing call of duty on a controller was so silly what are you doing when you can lay in bed what are you going to work over

there get your fucking couch but don't you do that thing when you're like especially doing multiplayer like call of duty like you you take one bad death you lean forward yeah like now you're like shitting posture because it's business time i remember going back here too i'll slowly like start doing this yeah like leaning into the monitor you go back like 12 13 years it'd be like oh my kd's like 0.7 maybe if i got a bigger tv all these fucking 11 year olds beating my ass have the best tv money can buy and i'm sitting here on this that made a big difference in the xbox 360 era because some people were playing on crt tvs at 480p roughly maybe 480i because i think they were interlaced yeah and then other people would have big nice

new hd 1080p tvs and if their parents had brains they would buy the actual proper hdmi cable and not just put the three prongs into hdmi or the oh yeah they would play i'd like go to my friend's house who had a nice big HDTV and the right cables. It was like he was playing a totally different game. I think it was Wasteland. He could see people at a distance that they just would have looked like blobs to me in Modern Warfare 2. One of the only times I ever threw a controller was from the day I got my first big TV. I've told this story, but it's been probably a decade.

my first big TV. I've told this story, but it's been probably a decade. And I can't tell you how much my hopes and dreams were tied to this television. And at the time I worked at Cisco, this was pre YouTube. My finances were dominated by Collins medical care. So I bought a used, I think seven 20 P television from a coworker and it was 50 inches or something like it was big and I was coming from a 27 inch CRT and I was I was just so ready for this to make all the difference and I got smashed all night long. lag and apparently a low end Vizio is awful. So like I'm basically watching, I'm reading a newspaper about this game of what happened three seconds earlier.

And I just got wrecked all night. I was so upset. I threw a controller, the batteries came out of it which is just like, what am I doing? I'm in my 30s, I should be past this. My wife was like she saw my distress she's like we can get a new tv tomorrow and we did i had really no fooling jackie i had the same i had the 1080 uh 48 inch vizio that's the tv that i that i used to game on and i don't know if there was a

difference obviously 720 1080 there's a difference i don't know about the input lag but yeah the input lag on those big tvs although white boy would sit on my couch and play that 72 inch 1080p tv and i would just be sitting there like and um black ops maybe two or three i don't remember where but just shitting on people just shit i'm just man hi he's doing it on my tv and my internet too so there's no excuses anymore i mean he was he was very fucking good at call of duty he was he one upped me recently about call of duty i i got this clip where i shot a noob tube and it direct impacted one person and bounced over to another person so it's like one noob tube two direct impacts and i

was like okay this has probably never been done before and i post that i was like is this the first so white boy replies like five minutes later be like nope i did this in black ops one and not only did he make that claim he pulled out the exact specific clip and showed it from his perspective and from the theater mode happening and i think he hit three people and just replies with that's why i'm the goat and he's just the whole conversation can i ask like does the clip work like did he deflect the noob tube at close range to make it land somewhere and it just like tumbled over three people yeah i think if i remember this correctly he shot somebody pretty up close and direct impacted but he had some teammates running around him so it fell off the main guy's chest and probably bumped the other one or two yeah yeah yeah he used to go for those like the first ever that that this has happened kind of

things a lot wait but you you got to remember the real goat was shaggy, a.k.a. G-Unit, who destroyed White Boy's record on Terminal in a way that I don't think has ever been disproven. 28-second nuke, right? Is that what it was? Yeah, if it was a bad day, I think it was like 22-second nuke, right? And do you remember? Hutch made that video. Tried to call it fake. Just a hater. He said, all these people are on Shaggy's friends list and you can hear them in the voice chat saying we have to get here.

Hutch was YouTube's policeman for five or six years. He was the content cop. I remember even at that time, that was like, what, 2010, that G-Unit made that video. And I remember watching and I'm like, all right, I'm one of the worst people at Call of duty in this whole community i'm a part of there's this is very clearly fake like this is the worst fake you could do like i remember being like god damn is there even any point in going on if people are doing this shit what do you mean you got a nuke in 30 seconds i'm struggling to get one here like i'm

getting like one or two a night like like i should just quit this and they're like i faked it i'm like good good good dude i i would i i was like mr one man army for a while anytime i wasn't making videos one man army it up if i get to terminal i'm blowing up that tank with my first shot and then i'm climbing my happy little ass up there and i'm killing people in the bookstore the whole time knocking the worst person to play against like oh yeah that makes ground war miserable for everybody and then you and the people like you would get in the lobby afterward and be like fuck you fuck you murka murka you piece of shit and i'd be like what are you talking about what do you even mean i'm trying to remember what one man army what what did that do it's where you use change classes yeah you just

kept switching you just switched into the same class over and over so that you'd you'd go thunk thunk and then switch to that class again and then thunk thunk and then switch to that class again and do nothing but noob tube the whole time would you believe they were supposed to patch that uh that was going to get patched and fixed. And there was this whole big update that was coming before Activision fired Ben Sampella and West, I believe his name was, and they split off to Titanfall.

They apparently just like quit in the middle of making that patch. Dude, I would have never done that with the one man army thing if they wouldn't have taken my 1887s away from me. I mean, you're broken ones that they put the damage numbers in backwards so the minimum damage was up close and the maximum was at long range oh is that what happened yeah i just remember that i was just wheeling and dealing down the streets just one hit one hit one hit it was great it was so that's what happened they programmed it wrong let's say it deals i don't know 100 damage up close and like five at long range they got it backwards and it was a non-linear curve so like 75 of the range in front of you for the whole gun was just going to be one shot kill

that was a good time yeah you didn't like it well monowarfer 2 made me mad in general because they didn't fix the bugs like i know there was staffing issues and whatever. I guess people left and made Titanfall. But there was an infinite care package glitch or something close to that. The 1880s heavens, the Rust lobbies. I never did any cheats. Care package nuke.

Care package nuke? That was one. I didn't know about that. You can get a nuke. The only nuke I ever got in Modern Warfare 2, I killed a hacker and stole it from his care package. That was one. I didn't know that you could get a new, the only new guy ever gotten modern warfare too. I killed a hacker and stole it from his hair care package. I would get sucked into these rust lobbies sometimes. Uh,

I don't know. I was upset. I liked modern warfare too, but I wish they maintained it. You never get over the way they honorable. Like you never Woody jumped in with a little one man army, new tube action or the 1887s just just giving it a go i mean i have tried the 1887s but really a lot of times i i was

always recording almost every game so if i was playing in a way that would not get me content then i just kind of didn't do that it was like like half working, half playing all the time. Fair enough. Taylor, you mentioned earlier how between those rounds, you get to scream at each other. And that's what games are missing now. Between those rounds of this Tarkov Arena shit, I'm like, man, I'd love to talk shit. But there's not even like inter-team communication

while you're dead and stuff. It's frustrating. I want to be able to be like, dude, next round, go left, not right. Or throw your grenade from the start. Why are you dying with grenades in your inventory? I want to be able to be like dude next round go left not right or throw your grenade from the start why are you dying with grenades in your inventory i want to say this shit but you can only talk in the game and now it's time to fight but i like that between rounds and between games everybody's in the lobby hey asshole you're the one in the back right the camper how many times did i break your kill streak you piece of shit yeah you're never getting an

airstrike keep laying on your belly you know then you say words you're not allowed to even say anymore that was great just take me back take me back to that 2007 lobby you know what i learned had the mic and everybody had the xbox live mic because you would get especially when it first launched you would get the card and it would come with the little mic attachment headset thing for like 25 bucks and everybody bought it. So everybody had the mic and they were all in the lobby. Like if you were in a lobby of 12 people, probably 10 or 11 of them had mics on. And of course you would hear the smoke detectors beeping in the background. Yes. Quickly mute the people who apparently can just play video games, not be bothered by a smoke detector. You'd have to very quickly delete or mute all the people who apparently can just play video games not be bothered by a smoke detector you have to very quickly delete or mute all the people who would have like their mic

leaning up against a speaker with the worst quality music of all time pumping through hated i hated this the music people because it's like you're you're getting under my skin and i can't even talk back to you right now what about the screaming kids not the kids playing but the the like deadbeat dad that would be like shut up son i'm trying to get a nuke and you'd hear him or the other ones who come in and be like son you haven't gotten a nuke all day you told me you were good at this i'm getting the belt this is your last chance and he's like no it's ambush that's a tough i guess that's the game before discord killed all that video series

my son gets a nuke or i beat him yeah you holding the belt like in the thumbnail like the next daddy of five channel it's like it's like a toxic family gaming channel your children have to hit performance metrics or you punish them like it like you're the headmaster district oh yeah they like pull their audience and it's like jimmy you're really slipping off susan's taking the lead here so for that reason you're gonna be in the doghouse and then they chain him to a doghouse like a bit yeah and of course you get to watch from the gopro as he spends the night in the doghouse that uh that daddy of five thing like i remember those clips this is so many years ago now then isn't it like kind of quaint that people at the time were like

everyone this this like youtube picture perfect family is actually being like shitty in the furtherance of pursuing content of their children like did you everyone get a load and it's like yeah you know they weren't a youtube picture perfect family used to scream at the kids they would they try to make the kids cry that was the kind of content they made oh they pitch it as it's a joke it's a prank and the kid would get a revenge prank but really it was just for psychopaths to go watch adults bully kids that was the first one that got big and then people started noticing and now when you look closer a lot of the mommy bloggers a lot of the family channels they're all way more abusive or crummy when you pay attention

to the details what's going on oh i think it should be a crime to fucking put your children on the internet like you're giving them that ridiculous embarrassing digital footprint that we're all too old to have and it's just like man there were some awkward years between one and Between 1 and 30. 37. But the kids can't control it. They can't opt out of that. Yeah, I would not want... If my dad was putting 12, 13-year-old, gangly, ugly, acne-faced me online, I'd be like,

Oh, dude. In front of the Christmas tree, and it's poorly lit, and the flash makes the room look worse. And you're just like, I don't know. In hindsight, though, I don't mind that I shared,

my family is the auxiliary characters around my life, but the live streaming stuff had some mistakes in it. I should have thought ahead and thought, you know what? You can't edit live. That's a problem. Live and learn. That's the way it goes.

But yeah, I know that I would have made a real ass of myself at like third i mean i've made an ass of myself as an adult online so like i can't imagine what 14 year old me would would be doing what are you making videos at like 16 uh 18 yeah i think i started at 18. Maybe I'm wrong. 2009? Yeah, 2009. Or 19, maybe. I don't know. But I don't watch any of those family channels. Wasn't there another one that was huge in early YouTube? Like Shay Carl?

Is that right? Yes, he was giant. Yeah, yeah. And then they ended up like... Was there drama around their family? Did something fucked up come out of them? Did they just peter out? And found an affair partner, if I recall correctly. And she had a problem with that?

She didn't like it. Yeah, dude, that's really bad business. When you're a family channel, you got to be thinking of your financial future. He should have rubbed... The family just got bigger. It's like a TL... What's the Mormon TLC showl tlc show something sister wives

yeah sister why yeah what if he immediately was like hey guys i know you heard about this but i'm announcing a second channel you know the others second wife second channel second wife second go over there and see the real stuff watch me be say bad things to my new stepson i'm your dad now that's an insane idea guys imagine this let's say you're uh what is it the fundamentalist church of latter-day saints the mormons that still do polygamy and you have eight wives and a whole ton of kids. And you make each wife run a family channel. So then you've got eight family YouTube channels going on. You're farming like 40 different kids.

That's a good idea. And you put them in little competition with each other. Yes. Kid Battle Royale. It's like those soccer leagues. The worst performing channel at the end of the year gets relegated off the compound. You're done, son. No chance. Sorry, little Susie. but that cleft palate isn't playing nobody nobody's enjoying the starters not doing

well suzy i'm sorry yeah you got a lot of the kids you got to tell them only the only the first place family gets to go to heaven yeah well that Well, that would be a little too strict. I think Mormons, actually, I don't know what their heaven rules are. I think their heaven rules are similar to regular Christians. Oh, I think, no, I think they've got, I believe, that like celestial temple thing where your heaven is going to be like you and your immediate family. And that's one of the reasons they have those big families is they want to be crowded when they get to heaven, I guess.

And so the polygamy part thing, uh, certainly in the, uh, the, uh, the television show I watched with Bill Paxton, he's just like,

yeah, we're all going to be in heaven together. Marcy, like you'll be there and I'll be there. And all the children, all the wives, but they don't mention, you know,

like our neighbor, like he ain't going to be there. He gets his own heaven somewhere with his family i'd want a mix in my heaven like i wouldn't want it to just be family like i'd still want to be able to see my friends you want in-laws in your heaven actually if i could visit other heavens that's the ideal right you'd be like this is my family heavens i'm gonna go pop over to kyle's heaven see how he's doing hey how's the's the fan heavens? Yeah, that could be good. Some people's heaven might be your hell.

I imagine Kyle would just be like frolicking naked through a giant field of cannabis plants, just picking them off as he goes. And he can put it in the mail to anywhere. Yeah, that's not what it is. There's no limits. UPS FedEx. It doesn't matter.

My heaven is just like this shipping weed today and he's got a halo over his head well yes i am it's just our normal existence except you're allowed to mail weed that's it that's the whole difference and we all have absurd just baffling metabolisms you can eat anything all day and still be fucking shredded how how about this thought experiment that's what you call things that are retarded you know a thought experiment here woody would you become religious full-on christian like your parents if you like got it in your head you saw a little evidence that was like heaven i get to spend with my family and i get incredible metabolism and hell in this example hell is an eternal torture it's just like a purgatory thing but you have a really bad

really bad metabolism you eat anything and you're plumping up you're retaining water but you have to devote the rest of your life to jesus christ clearly because because in this scenario god's real yeah right god could give me a little token of faith by increasing my metabolism now. Right. If I suddenly survive on trail mix and have six pack abs, then God is real. Dude, you got six tokens of faith right on your belly right now. Just look down. It'll be like a D&D warlock who worships the God of fitness.

It would be. Dude, but what more miracle is there than a 50 year old american with abs like that's that's miraculous it's not even abusing trt or anything crazy just natural abs eats whatever he wants it's never good enough it's i see people who are in like better shape than me on tv or something they're on tv for being in good shape. I'm sorry? But they're on TV for being in good shape. I know. He's younger than me, but that Ed Baldwin,

who's the actor that plays in For All Mankind? Do you know? Sometimes you know something like that. Ed Baldwin's the character, right? Yeah. All right, well, we'll go with him then. He's in better shape than me, at least until this season.

And I'm like, fuck, I can't keep up with him. Well, he's an actual Hollywood actor who's on TRT. Yeah, and he's probably got a personal trainer and a personal chef and a studio schedule. These are all excuses. Hang on a minute. Winner's making excuses.

I think you're right, Woody. You're right, Woody. The man you're comparing yourself with is Ed Baldwin, astronaut, fighter jet test pilot who's also on TRT. He's way better than me. These are unfair comparisons. I think I'm wealthier than him. He's got a government

job his whole life. He can't have money. He can have endorsements if he wanted, you'd think, right? Astronauts get sponsors? Whatever. Surely. Name two things astronauts sponsored by. Astronaut ice cream. I feel like our astronauts didn't do a good job of...

Tang, maybe? ...of taking advantage of that. I was going to say Tang or... But in this universe, the astronauts are like celebrities. They're a big deal because they've changed the world. Remember when Molly jumped and caught that tank or whatever? Which... That wasn't Molly.

Whoever it was. No, Molly's the blind chick. The other chick who's like... The hot one who became president. Yeah, yeah, the lesbian one who became president. Yeah, I like the alternate reality as much as anything that's going on in space and the sci-fi in that show.

I just like that we get to see, oh, no George Bush in this reality, huh? Gore just won and... What did Bush do? There was no Bush. He was a minor party, oh yeah the alternate reality is really interesting and kyle made me pay attention to it when he pointed out like in 1970 they had basically facetime you know and it's like yeah that shit didn't happen until like 2015 or something yeah so and there's a lot around crt tvs with people's faces in them and it's like what the fuck yeah and there's a lot

of like little things from our current that exist in like the 80s 90s 2000s and that i like a lot yeah yeah it's you know and it's this season about not not doing it for you. Lighting my fire is much. I agree. This season has been a lot about interpersonal stuff, and it has taken place mostly within gray walls of a studio. Whereas I like to see them doing space cowboy shit. And it's I'm hoping they're saving their budget for these last episodes when because the premise of the show is that we're on Mars now. It's early 2000. It's like 2001. I don't think 9-11 happens. They have a different

bombing, but at the Space Center maybe that takes its place, but there's a big asteroid that has gotten knocked out of the asteroid belt and it's going to pass by Mars and it's full of iridium.

They're like, and it's going to pass by Mars, and it's full of iridium. Iridium, thanks. And they're like, it's worth $10 trillion or something like that. And I'm thinking, I don't think that's how supply and demand works. It's worth $10 trillion because we have so very little of it. But once we have it, now we have so very much of it all of a sudden so you're gonna have to create a monopoly out of this thing you're gonna have a debiers diamond situation i feel like i have a sale sell it to like half off or something but that's not what we're headed toward we're the idea is that america russia soviet union probably north korea and uh

this private company are all going to take some of that tritium. And so you'll get $2 trillion and you'll get $4 trillion. That's going to happen at some point. But I'm like, no, now it's definitely not how economic things work. Now they can just flood the market with tritium if they want and ruin this whole thing, which is what the Americans would do because they ruined the Soviets because currently they're the ones that have it all on Earth, this rare earth element so i don't know i'm hoping there's some

space cowboy shit when it's time to capture that asteroid but for the last six episodes we've mostly just kind of talked in a base do you think there are any rare earth elements like at the bottom of the sea we haven't found yet? Like there's like another big revolution. Like deposits of them? Like a deposit of something we don't even know about. Probably somewhere. I dig them all the time. We found lithium in Maine and in the Salton Sea in California recently.

There's lots of earth elements that can be found. Well, I think what Taylor's talking about is like a new substance. Oh, like a new substance. Oh, like a new element. But they've got the periodic table and they can just fill in the gaps and add more atomic weight and see what's there. There's no surprises hanging out at the...

It's like, oh, unobtainium. Here it is. There shouldn't be any surprises, but we don't know. As a scientist, you should always hope to find something. Yeah, there could be new ones. Definitely.

Like a new compound down there. So, Kyle, hear me out. I'm on your team with the, we have them. We know this is one, this is 122. I'm not suggesting there's more in the middle because they're just one proton apart. What about on the end? What if there's 126 protons? Am I doing this right?

In the next atom, and we haven't seen that yet. Yeah. What if there's another one with the atomic doing this right in the next atom and we haven't seen that right yet yeah what if there's another one with the atomic i think they do that 17 but there's like a bunch of quark madness going on in there that changes it in a way we don't understand well they work would probably i don't i don't know what you just said but to answer i don't either but to answer woody's question which is a real thing um but they do that right and and with the large hadron collider or whatever they they momentarily create those elements that those real it's usually really high pressures or temperatures that require for them to exist for these brief moments

so the one that bob lazar was talking about in the they're like can you believe that in the 70s he knew about this element it's like yeah he added some protons to the thing before it like like that's where you get like no he knew there'd be 126th element like there's 127th too like you know like i have this thought it's so stupid probably people who know what they're talking about are laughing but like what if it's like prime numbers where oh yeah yeah 126 wasn't prime 127 wasn't prime 120 but somewhere down the way we found one that's stable. We didn't know that was coming. That's basically how it works, because what you're dealing with is electrons and their valence orbits, and they have to be balanced with each

other. If you remember this from high school, maybe they've got 2, 4, and then I think it's 8, 16, and they're usually some multiple of an even number. And they have to be in certain... Am I crazy? I think you're right. Some multiple of that, but they also have to be in certain for the rest am i crazy yeah i think you're right some some multiple of that but they also have to be in certain orbits and valences that we understand as being stable so there's like two in the first orbit four in the second and blah blah blah so when it comes to predicting or

creating new uh elements you can't just add one electron and be like okay now we've got a new thing because it won't exist it'll just fly off unless unless it hits one of those stable orbits that it needs to be in. And it probably has to have a lot of friends in order to do that. Yeah. A lot of the elements we make seems like it's like, oh, we made it. We made one millionth of a gram of it for three seconds. And it really sucks, guys. We don't want to be making more of that because it immediately deteriorates

and it would blow up an area the size of fucking Saskatchewan if we had 10 of them that's antimatter you're talking about and we need a lot of that so that we can have our Star Trek warp engines antimatter that's a bunch of hullabaloo no it's not it's very real you just described it and the science

around it very accurately well then I retract. We were all very impressed for a moment. What's your opinion on dark energy? Oh, hate it. Two thumbs down. No, I'm about light energy. We need to be able to see what's going on. How did we get here?

We were talking about interesting elements and things like metal deposits in the bottom of the sea we're talking about harvesting tritium from an asteroid but anyway that's not how that's going to work so I look forward to seeing them be like actually it turned out no one

did basic economics so the world is ruined and it's or like and again I don't know anything but i imagine when they bring these huge vessels full of tons and tons of that rare radioactive element down to earth like what if one burns up in the atmosphere and like deep shit and ten thousand tons of iridium just go into the app does our planet glow in the dark now i think we all just get stronger i mean it already glows in the dark, kind of. I guess it's...

Does it really glow green now? Did you guys see Don't Look Up, the Netflix one? I liked... Oh. With DiCaprio? Yeah, DiCaprio. It's got an asteroid that's coming. I love the ending, how the president is like,

we're going to get all the metal off this asteroid, and we're going to break it up, and we're going to bring it down. And Peru agreed to let us hit their country with a tsunami for so many billion dollars or whatever and of course they bungle it and asteroid just smashes into the planet it was a global warming i think parody roughly a party of global warming and how people treat that yeah and like people just denied it and denied it and denied it that there was even an asteroid until like like at first lots of people deny that an asteroid is coming our way and then you know a lot of people still do and then maybe it's 50 50 and it seemed really like sort of

current politics and eventually it gets within like binoculars view like you can see the asteroid coming to america it's too late and there's still a ton of deniers that are like fuck you it's not real it's gonna burn up literal campaign don't look up don't look at it how big would an asteroid have to be to this seems like the kind of thing like kyle would watch a youtube video on like how big what to to end life here all life like all life like not like dinosaurs a little okay so for that to happen so i do know this for that to happen i knew you would it you're not talking about an asteroid anymore you're talking about like a dwarf like a rogue planet would have

to hit us because the whole the whole the whole crust of the earth has to liquefy for something like that to happen for all the life in the caves. I thought it would spit up shit that it would. We're talking more like dinosaur times. You're talking about take it. No way worse than that. We're talking about when the moon form times, if you're going to get rid of the bacteria,

I might be wrong, but I don't think that was Taylor's question. I don't think he was trying to eliminate every. Oh yeah. But it's a figure of speech. I'm pretty sure taylor meant like when the asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs extinction event you're technically right to wipe out all life is to remove all bacteria and it takes a lot more energy to do that so the planet

would basically have to be cracked up and totally destroyed to like get rid of all the amoebas and shit but if we're talking like like do they do they have guesses on how big the dinosaur one was it's the it's a chicsalube uh impact crater uh in um right above south america like gulf gulf of mexico because i thought it was an alarmingly small thing where it's like one the size of rhode island would create enough would create enough shit that it would be like oh well there's no sun for anyone rhode Island isn't that small if you've got a whole state. I googled it. The first result said six miles wide, which is actually bigger

than I expected. I thought it was going to be like three kilometers or something. Same. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, a six mile asteroid. How much can our atmosphere take, do you think? Like, I know it burns up little ones all the time. Good question, right? We get hit with asteroids, or maybe meteors. I don't fully know the difference. Meteors burn up all the time. Yeah get hit with asteroids or maybe meteors. I don't fully know the difference.

Meteors burn up all the time. But how big were they before they started burning? It depends what they're made of. So if it's like an iron, it's a big metallic thing made of iron. Let's hope that's not it. Maybe like one made of tin.

But a lot of them are made of ice. If it's made of ice, they tend to burn up. Yeah. I know you're impressed with my science. That checks out. We can survive any size ice one, mostly. Do you know about the Tunguska Blast? Yes. You don't have to tell me.

Very interesting. No, I don't know anything about it. Okay, so this happened in Siberia maybe 1909 roughly uh uh what happened was i'm gonna skip like the mysterious uh like who no one knows what created it what happened was a uh a meteorite or whatever came in and exploded air bursted above the ground and created this ridiculous event where huge amounts of the Siberian wilderness are flattened. The trees are laying out.

It hurt people so far away that it's unbelievable. It deafened them and stuff and broke glass windows. There's a lot of conspiracy theorists who will say that it was an alien attack or the first nuclear weapon.

Nikolai Tesla's death ray. You know, 30 years early, right? You know, in 1909 again. But that's what happened. It's the Tunguska event or the Tunguska blast. And there's pictures of like the trees and stuff and it's wild how big that event was. How big was the projectile?

I was Googling while you talked. You'll have to Google to like get the... I don't know any of that. I was Googling while you talked. You'll have to Google to get the... I don't know any of that. I was Googling while you talked. I found some interesting stuff. It's a city destroyer, that kind of thing. The original question that Taylor may have asked, 60 miles.

A 60 mile wide asteroid would destroy all life on Earth. But what surprised me was a 300 meter asteroid about 1,000 feet would be a continental devastation event. Like North America, three, a thousand foot asteroid.

Damn. That's not that big. No, that's really not. When you think about the size of things get in space, 60 miles, isn't that big? When you think about how big the earth is,

like it's still huge, but like to end everything 60 miles sounds ginormous until you put it on a planetary scale at which point it's like but there must really be like nothing flying around like ratio wise out there because if it was like a if it was protecting us well i mean i mean like around us like if we were just like because jupiter's protecting us well i mean i mean like around us like if we were just like because jupiter's protecting us um that's one of those things where people you know those people who believe in intelligent design they do have it's like don't you realize that everything's kind of set up perfectly for us here even from a scientific point of view it's like and it kind of is like

from that goldilocks here what they call it yeah from that magnetosphere that's protecting us from all the radiation radiation and the sun's rays and everything and then again jupiter kind of using its gigantic mass to keep the the asteroids from just warping in here it's sort of sweeping up the solar system keeping the debris away and the the one that killed the dinosaurs was probably just one thing bumping another thing right and? And some chain reaction. I bet Saturn is helping out too, because it's pretty huge. You don't think Saturn's carrying its weight? I think Saturn's so far away, it doesn't matter. You guys are missing the moon.

You see all those craters on the moon? Those were meant for us. The moon is eating a lot of those. I'll tell you about the Goldilocks zone. Without the moon doing what it does with the tides and creating a lot of the ocean water flow, life may not have come to exist or evolved as we know it.

Why does Saturn have rings? It won't for very much longer. In a million years or something, they'll be gone because they're dissipating. It's just debris that's rotating it in that gravitational band. Uranus also has rings.

Uranus rings are really interesting when you view them in infrared. I knew you'd go there. I knew you'd do it. Brown ring of Uranus. Uranus is also the only planet that rotates north to south because of some impact and knocked it off

its axis forever ago. I wonder if that was straightened out. I bet it would have by now. Once you go that way. You know one thing I like about The Expanse, we're talking TV shows, every time a spaceship needs to slow down, it doesn't just turn off the jets like a boat

and coast to a stop like every other space show does. They turn around backwards and turn the jets on for reverse thrust yeah to some extent it makes sense in um uh star trek because well they're not too they have they have their cake and eat it too with the way warp travel works i really like when magic yeah i like the the when sci-fi goes through i hate when they fold a piece of paper and stick the pencil through like stop doing that i get it but i like when really cool and event horizon and then every other time it's been done but i like when they're like all right everybody ready boom and they like hit the button and now we're there like i like the idea that we just like

literally folded space up and now like we moved six inches to the left and now we're on the other side of the galaxy i like that kind of space travel you don't like the hard sci-fi like what woody's talking about where you have to spend half your time decelerating so you don't slam into the target and kill everybody yeah i don't need math in my tv shows i'm fine with them just showing up i love i love math in my sci-fi audiobooks Like I didn't really TV shows are for casual entertainment, lowest common denominator, but audio books,

or I guess they were one time real books. I just don't read like they dive deep into this stuff and explain the engineering conundrums that they're bumping into. And oftentimes I'm multitasking when I listen to an audio book and i don't have enough cognitive horsepower to like ride a motorcycle and understand this engineering conundrum at the same time so i'm like straining i like it i like it a lot did you listen to the lab here i love those kind of books too hard sci-fi like what are you reading i'm curious well i was thinking of three body problem when i said that. But the Boba verse also has that, but with more comedy to some extent.

You should watch or read The Martian. It is full of hard science. I think the math adds up mostly. I mean, he does some wacky things. I've heard it's an amazing book. Obviously, there's that part where he cuts the hole in his palm and uses that to Iron Man. There's some silliness that goes

on. Did you read Ringworld? Ringworld is what Halo was based Man. There's some silliness that goes on. Ring World is what Halo was based on. It's super hard sci-fi. They went all out to do this little miniature Dyson sphere thing. I've never heard of that. Oh, an O'Neill cylinder or something. What would it be called? They've all got different names, the hypothetical superstructures. The Dyson sphere

is the one that goes around a star. Everything else is sort of a downgrade from that. Yeah, because the other things are things that a civilization would live in, like the idea that we're all in this big sort of halo ring type situation and it's moving across

to go to the next star. What is this self-replicating probe called? That's the one that fascinates me. Ah, von Neumann probes. Yes, von Neumann probesating probe called? That's the one that fascinates me. Von Neumann Probes. Yes, Von Neumann Probes are really cool. That's something that humanity should work on. That's the plot of All You Need Is Kill. What was that?

Tom Cruise. And he's in a time loop and he's murdering everybody. The Day After Tomorrow. But the book is called All You Need Is Kill. And the book actually explains what the fuck the aliens are the aliens are a von neumann probe that would they sent it because at the time this planet had no intelligent life and it was just supposed to land and replicate and set up for them to colonize and from the aliens perspective in the book they're like oh shit there's an intelligent civilization there and our von neumann probes are murdering all of them and we can't even get there to stop it for like another 500 years oh so they're gonna lose the von neumann probe

people are gonna fuck us up well we uh you're underestimating tom cruise if you've never oh i didn't know tom cruise was a part of it of course he went was a huge part of all right let me just say that movie is really good that's That's one of the best Tom Cruise movies, and that's saying something because wackadoo as he is, he makes good fucking movies. But the premise, Taylor, because you don't seem to know, is that there's a war against the aliens, and it kind of mimics

World War II. We're about to invade Normandy Beach again. They've pushed us back to England, and that's where the forces are mounting. Do the aliens show up and they see a synagogue and they're like, we're, they've pushed us back to England and that's where the forces are. Do the aliens show up and they see like a synagogue and they're like, they're here too. And so on the, on the eve of like D-Day,

Tom Cruise, who's, he's not supposed to be fighting. He's like the guy on TV, like, yeah, he's rallying the troops. He's the CNN,

CNN interviewed general. The, the, the main guy's like, yeah, I'm sending you in tomorrow. Yeah. And just like throws him in with a ragtag unit he instantly dies but some alien goo gets on him and now he has the power that they have this precognition that allows him to repeat that day over and over

and so just like when you play like you ever play it we've all played video games and like first time we die when we walk in because we didn't know the bridge was gonna fall on us next time shit falls past as we walk by if someone saw us do that they'd be like what the fuck do you see him dodge that bridge it's like he heard it coming tom cruise has been living in this groundhog day reality fighting aliens for we don't even know how long by three quarters of the way through the movie he's like neo in the matrix in his mech suit just he's just died so many times. At first, he doesn't know how to use it, and he doesn't know how to turn the gun on.

By the end, he's doing trick shots and running around in craters like, you know, when a motorcycle's using the... He's doing that while shooting machine guns out of his fists and rockets out of his ass. He had such a good progression of his skills. It was like watching

a condensed anime. You could just watch him get better every fight. He nailed every scene. There's a woman in the movie who had the power before he did and so he like talks to her. I think so. He talks to her and she starts training him. So he would like, I don't

know, sprain an ankle. So clearly this afternoon he won't be a good version of himself she shoots him in the head and they start over again and he's like no no no my ankle's okay she doesn't buy it she kills him it happens like again and again and again she's constantly murdering him and there's i forget the details of the plot but the there if they don't kill him they might not be able to repeat today so she's got to make sure that every failed try happens with the tom cruise murder and it happens how does he out class the aliens because i'm assuming they're they're all reliving the day too right

all right so yeah eventually he finds where the head alien central intelligence is and blows it up. Yeah, the thing that's giving him the power and their like generals, the alien generals also have this power to know what happened the day before. So that's why to humanity, they're just wiping the floor with us because they know what was they probably lost eight Normandy beaches. And then on the ninth one, they're like, we know where they land. We know what they do, what they win here and they just wipe the floor with us and they're sort of turning that power on them through this fluke

that happens in Tom Cruise's death. It's a real good movie though. Emily Blunt's got this fucking helicopter blade sword. They've got men's suits that make them eight times stronger than a person should ever be but not like... Like not like advanced warfare suits yeah but you're still very

vulnerable you're all exposed it's almost like a like it was something like from aliens almost yeah yeah you're a little more fast than that but yeah same thing yeah he's got a helicopter blade made into a sword that might be one of the coolest things I've ever seen yes because in the field he had ripped it off and like went and now

they fashioned us like a handle to it. She has two nicknames. Full Metal Bitch. Full Metal Bitch and the Angel of the French place at Cid. Vurdun. Angel of Verdun, I think. Or Verdot.

I have a sign in my head, but I wouldn't bet on it. I gotta tip my hipster hat here. I read the book for it, which was originally in Japanese and translated to English. You guys might like, we're going into spoiler territory. The book has a very different ending where instead of going to kill the alien boss thing that shares powers. Yeah.

It was, he actually discovered the power got stuck in the full metal bitch. So the only way to escape the loop was to murder his girlfriend. So the last act of the book was this absurd mech v. mech fight in the middle of an alien invasion. He didn't go quietly? A grand invasion across the base.

Fuck no. Absolutely not. Oh, they should have had her, like... He, like, reaches in front of her and drives the sword through her and through his heart. That's how I write it. Just the beginning of every day,

kind of like 51st dates where he's like, okay, we've done this before. We're going to keep it quick. You kill me all the time. If I spray my ankle, just fucking end me. Cause we're going to do this again.

We'll have to convince people. It's a little like groundhog day. We'll, he'll be like, that person's about to drop a tray. That person's going to do this. This person's going to come in. She's going to give you eight papers.

She forgot the ninth one. And that's how he convinces people that he can he's done this before i remember what i took away from 50 first states that movie was that like drew barrymore is not attractive enough to put up with this nonsense like what an ordeal like you're gonna hope that every morning the end credits is like them on a ship in the Arctic. And she's like waking up in a foreign bed on a sea vessel. And there's like a VHS that says, watch me. I'm in full on panic mode immediately. I'm grabbing a knife or a razor blade.

I'm killing whoever's on that ship with me because I assume they've taken me and I've been taken. You're expecting Saw. You're expecting to put the tape in. It's like the only way off this boat is to dig a key out from behind your eye. You have to. You try that one time. Tomorrow you're waking up in restraints Taylor. Yeah, then I'm waking up in restraints. And then that's going to fuck with me even more.

That's not my problem if you're in restraints. You just got a feral Taylor. He stopped shaving me so I'm waking up and I don't recognize myself anymore. That's how scary that is when you wake up and you're old. You wake up at fucking 65 years old, looking back at your lost life, trying to jump into the...

That life quickly becomes her trying to sprint, jump into the sea and him restraining her like, no, you will stay in this forever prison. You have a good point. Did anybody else feel that Adam Sandler's character was a little bit rapey or abusive going after this woman who literally can't remember him? I was just about to go down that road. Like, you should watch the VHS. Hi, my name's Adam Sandler, and you're my human fleshlight.

Yeah. My name's Adam Sandler, and you may not know this, but you're a professional chef and you love to give head. You're a, you're my bottom bitch. And what you love to do is to make me a Denver omelet. First thing in the morning. So you've got no memory, but just trust me,

follow the instructions. Your day's going to be great. Last night you got hammered. You may smell it on me, but it wasn't me. Get to tidying up all those beer cans yeah that adam sandler could cheat on his wife and she would never know never know if he ever got sick of that relationship you just go to port pilfer that little vhs tell her there's

the bathroom sweetheart out you're someone else's problem now. You're the state of Italy's problem now. It's like the 1950s, where you move 11 miles and just start a new family. She's the move 11 hours. You still go to the same grocery store, just in a different time frame. You still do that. I read so many stories about men

that would have families in two or three cities around them, and they would get in trouble running into their other families at the grocery store or a nearby park or something that they just never even considered that they, the streams might cross. Can you imagine the, the energy it would take to have like three families? What I wonder is cover story for staying somewhere else. So often everyone has to be a traveling salesman.

That's the only thing. Also, you almost need to work in sales to support that many families. I gather it was easier in the 50s, but still. Actually, if you can balance three families, you are a good salesman. You can run three family vlogging channels.

They'll get you busted. We've been doing an experiment where I raised one family as a violent drunk the other as a well-meaning kind man and the other as an indifferent standoffish emotionally abusive piece of shit i have a friend very successful man good guy uh it is hilarious to me how he takes almost no responsibility for how his kids turned out. Now, he has six children, and they are like, I'm trying not to dox them, but some of them are PhD advancing the state of medicine, and others narrowly avoided felony

convictions. And he's like, they all had the same love. They all had the same family, same parents same supportive environment not my fault they are what they are it's the kids will be what they're gonna be it's not me and i'm just like i mean you've got evidence to support your thesis i see what you're coming through it is you like is there like an order though where it's like first born and then just like blowing like glory hole attendant like the youngest like like really shit oh no no uh i'm at this point i'm like passing judgment on which children are good and bad i don't want to do that but uh uh and it's just an interesting philosophy like you know he

and and by the way he did all the kids were like perfect, perfect. You know, the kind of kids that walk through the mall single file with their hands behind their back and say, yes, sir. Until they were like driving age. And then they all went in their own directions, which again kind of supports his theory, right? Like, yeah. I mean, I'm sure there are some kids that are just going to be shitty no matter what. It's just like, all right, you got some gene in you, some behavioral thing like you're going to be a shithead it's just like all right you got some gene in you some behavioral thing like you're gonna be a shithead there's no getting around remember the kid it was like a grade school kid that did like a shooting he shot somebody and blamed grand theft auto and that's

when you had the attorney that wanted to ban grand theft auto back in the day i forget the attorney's name uh it was a big deal the kid stole a car shot at somebody some big crime and he said i learned this from video games oh and as it turns out the kid had oh no he was lying this kid was a straight up psychopath i read an interview about the dad and the dad is like look we loved him we didn't beat him we were good to him we put him in therapy we got him experts we sent him to like resorts to meditate or whatever the fuck we tried to medicate him, but he was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder and from the moment he was born, that's psychopathy basically,

he was just completely oppositional to authority. He would lie. He would say he was being abused or touched. So of course he does something bad and thinks, I'm going to get out of this by blaming a video game and all these idiot adults are going to take it out on the game and I'm going to get away scot-free. That didn't work.

Cartman did that. Maybe that was based off that. Obviously it was that rock and roll music that set him afoul. It was all those head-banging hair metal 80s bands worshiping the devil. Absolutely. What is it? Incantations on the record when you

play it backwards. Fuse all the kids and their genders with that long hair and that lipstick back masking back and the synthesizer. That's just the renamed Satanizer. That's that's there. The antisocial personality disorder is one of those that like is so much worse than it sounds because it sounds like, ah,

this guy doesn't want to go party, but it's like this person enjoys the thought of hurting you. And it's like, no, potentially, maybe only if you're bad by their standards. Well, they're antisocial. They're not going to like anything. They don't hurt you just to be bad. It could be for fun. It could be for benefit.

By antisocial, it means you don't have any of those pre-wired social cognitions about hurting people or emotions or love or feeling or even fear. In most cases, most of them don't have a fear response or even a normal one. So you're operating on an almost purely maybe logical. They have remarkably low empathy. So they don't put themselves in other people's shoes of how will what I'm doing right now affect this person? Only if it's for manipulation. All software, no hardware. I like this. This sounds like a realized person. You're going to go for it? You're going to try and be a psycho?

I think it's too late. I've developed too much. Too much of a butterfly. You can't go back in the cocoon, baby. Honestly, I feel like borderline personality disorder sounds worse than antisocial. I hear antisocial personality disorder

and I think introvert. I hear borderline personality disorder and I think crazy woman, usually. I actually have the same thing. Somebody who is completely disconnected from reality, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and you have no clue what's coming next yeah yeah just someone who

will fuck with your life what were you describing drifter borderline it's my personal it's probably not an accurate medical description but I bias against borderline personality disorder as a type of person who can go full crazy,

who can disconnect from reality and just, you don't, they're very difficult to predict and you have no idea what's coming next. And it could be violent. Yeah. No, I'm with Zach's definition. It's narcissism and demanding love while giving abuse and fear of abandonment.

That's borderline. That's just speaking from the heart over there. Damn. Yeah. I feel like Zach. Zach, you got an extra girlfriend? And also to get crappy hand jobs. See what you're doing, Paulie?

Yeah. He's got some real experience with these folks. He immediately has a paragraph of free free. There you go. Let me tell you a thing or two about it. He's got citations in that comic. I've got a story. So a friend of a friend the other night, husband and wife, they came home and it was late. And husband falls asleep on the couch.

Wife goes upstairs and goes to sleep in their bed. And their dogs have these collars that allow them to activate the doggy door. So the door only opens at the dogs there. Well, a stranger jumps their, their backyard fence and waits and is like waiting by their back door. And when the dog comes, he follows the dog on into their home and starts exploring the place while

everyone's asleep. Terrible dog, terrible dog. The husband's asleep again on the couch, and he awakes to a man standing over him holding the cue ball from his billiard table, praying in

Arabic. Oh, that's not the language I'd want to hear. No. With his other hand, but he's saying good stuff, apparently, when he does break into English. He's trying to bless him and purge him of demons or something. I was like, and he's also rubbing the husband's face with his free hand. That's kind of sweet.

This sounds nice. Now, I don't know about you, but I like to think that I would have started screaming at that moment or getting up and started fighting. He is coming out of a stupor, though. I think he's been drinking maybe. Who knows? And so he laid there frozen for like a couple minutes. of a guy standing over him with a billiard ball, rubbing his face with one hand and saying

crazy gibberish, sometimes in Arabic and sometimes about demons and sometimes about I'm going to bless you or purge you of your demons or cleanse you. I think the word cleanse really snaps something in him because the guy hurls the billiard ball across the room and destroys the television. That's when I would have killed him.

That would have done it for me. Bad guy throws the billiard ball, destroys the fucking television. The wife wakes up. She starts yelling. The guy's distracted. This is when the husband jumps up, runs over to his cabinet, and grabs a firearm. Now the bad guy is screaming more, and he's really upset.

The dogs are barking. The lady's yelling, and he's really upset. The dogs are barking, the lady's yelling, and he charges the husband. He shoots the bad guy in the chest and drops him to the ground. Now the bad guy's on the ground screaming bloody murder in Arabic and crawling like something in a movie, they said. Just his arms, maybe?

And the wife's on one end of the room. The dogs are losing their shit. He's standing over the guy with a firearm. And the guy hears the wife scream. And he turns around. And they said he crawled faster than they thought possible toward her. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Like, what?

So he shoots him again. He wants to get it in one more time. So he shoots him again. And he kills him. Instant. Dead on the floor. Huge mess. They'll know early next year if the charges are going to be pressed

or like filed or anything like that what state that that's that's here in georgia georgia um that's all he gets off because you can't break into people's homes holding cue balls breaking their tv rubbing their face you cannot do that that's not. Tell me where that's in the rules. I don't want the people I'm closest to in the world rubbing my face, much less an Arab man who just snuck in. And that dog needs to be fucking a little bit in the firing line also. That's not fair to the family he's being supported by to not even bark, not give a yip. Hey, there's a strange man

chanting in your kitchen. Do you think your dogs would go after a bad guy? Go after is a strong word. They're not trained to attack, which you kind of need to do, I guess. I've seen what happens when repairmen come over and

strangers in the house and uh toby will bark and lose his shit enough that everyone would be alerted i don't know if he'd bite them he's never bit at a person but he's acted real aggressive towards repairmen and tried to like like i need to get over and see about you like i don't know what he's gonna do if i let him get over there and he's he's almost 80 pounds and he's pretty big now uh the other dogs would just the the malamute would ignore you completely and pretend like it doesn't like aloof cat mode literally would ignore you and not want like don't touch me and uh the other dog would just be like oh give me love give me love give me love give me love oh you smell new you smell new i love you which one's this the the like four-year-old female shepherd

mixed dogs yeah my dogs would bark like they want to murder you and then once you cross the threshold and enter the home they just want love and attention and they you know it's a little overwhelming because they're so big a lot of people are scared of them just because they're like you know higher than waist tall i have great danes and uh but they're not dane they're higher than waist tall. I have great Danes. But they're not Dane. They're too nice. My previous dog, Jack, he's dead now. He would literally try to kill you. And you can't make friends with him in just a few days.

People have this hope that their dog would rise to the occasion if an actual bad guy came. Jack didn't need to rise that was his constant state murder murder murder murder murder and at the time we were getting like i was more a bigger deal on youtube so we had all these death threats and you know like it was a little safety it felt good to have a homicidal dog uh yeah that that was a scary dog um What was his name again? Jack. Jack scared me. I knew that Jack wanted to hurt me and that if you let him, he would.

I was very afraid when I woke up the next morning at your place. I was like, I don't remember how I checked with you or whatever, but I was like, I wonder if Jack's roaming around. If I come out of this bedroom and like walk down the hall of the bathroom or like go get a cup of coffee is jack out and about if i recall snatch me up it's the river we had a soft muzzle like it wasn't hard like a cage it was soft and he wore

that constantly when when we had friends over except for eating and we would feed him while holding him on a leash. He was not a... It wasn't like a... 140, 160, something like that. He'd have killed... I feel like if me and Jack had a fight to the death, we might both die.

There's a problem. It's not okay. If I'm unarmed and i i just have to hope that at some point i'm able to like you're both naked even the odds oh my god oh man have i told this i've got to get a low neighbor i don't know if i maybe i've told it yes oh my god yeah i thought we should keep quiet about that for the longest time So that was settled It's settled now They won't be misbehaving again And by attack you mean mauled

This is what happened It's fundamentally My fault I was taking Hope to fencing I'll explain We were taking Hope to fencing and we forgot her. I'll explain. We were taking him to fencing and Hope forgot her stuff. So I had her run in the house,

grab her gear, and run back. She didn't shut the door. But on the adult, it's my fault. So we go and I'm taking her to fencing while the doors open. Jack leaves the house and starts running around the cul-de-sac uh he wasn't being aggressive or anything he was just sort of prancing around in the street

and a woman decided that she was going to i guess maybe guide him towards our open door or something so she does like one of these deals where she's like you know sort of like yeah open yeah approach a strange dog you're not hurting the dog you know in hurting herd hurting the dog towards the front door and uh jack bitter on the arm drew blood bunch of stitches i the the policeman showed me the gash on her forearm it was you know six inches or something and jagged like he he must have like done his best effort because because ladies get that paper fit thin skin at some point yeah not like that old i'm gonna call her 35 45 cutlet okay yeah no jack punched in some healthy youthful skin yeah yeah and um uh anyway animal control comes and this and that and it turns out

in north carolina it's pretty difficult for it to be the dog owner's fault that uh you know so she explained what happened to like animal control how you know the dog was out i was trying to guide it back in etc so then um she's like i guess suing us or like working with my insurance company and the story changed to i was opening my mailbox and then out of the blue the dog comes from the side and bites me in the arm but they had the different versions of the story and they're like no no no no no so it just kind of died there my insurance never even had to pay anything out. Yeah, she lied. That was, I don't know, 13 years ago or something. Approaching the dog was the real thing that I feel like made the...

And then them being like, wait, did you give a false police report the first time or are you lying to us now? Once she got an attorney, she knew what the story should have the first time or are you lying to us now? Oh, well, which supports my... Once she got an attorney, she knew what the story should have been. Changed to that. That's sneaky. Most people skip is that first step,

getting an attorney. Man, at least you trained your dog. You tried to keep your dog in. You got a muzzle, a warning. There's a guy in my neighborhood who doesn't do that. He's got a massive German Shepherd, maybe a German Shepherd mix.

It's not great day in size, but it's over a hundred pounds easily. Big boy, chunky guy moves into the neighborhood about last year. Uh, he's walking his dog. I say, hi, it's a small neighborhood. Say hi. Introduce myself as the guy who lives down the street. The dog looks at me and just views me as a threat and starts getting very aggressive and growling and snapping. And the guy's like, oh, dude, it's fine. It's no worries. She's actually a sweetheart. She just puts up this big facade. When you get close to pet her, it'll be fine. I took like one step closer to the dog and it fucking bolted on the leash. And the guy had to like double hand, hold it, snap it taut. And it's like snapping at me and I have to back away. And he's like, no, no, it's fine. It's fine.

She's a sweetie. You just have to trust it and go in for the pet. I'm like, I'm good. I'm totally good. You can keep having your own dog. Some people shouldn't be able to have dogs. Yeah. Oh, I just wanted to tell a little more in case I'm being judged.

We hired a dog trainer. He came to the house every week to teach us how to teach the dog to be better. We took the dog to the kennel and had him stay there when we weren't even on vacation. We were just socializing him with like other dogs and stuff, like daycare for people who work from home, like no reason. And we did everything we could. My wife would walk him all the time. But well, I mean, if you had a history where all the dogs you owned became like woman attackers but like it seems like jack just had a little little he ties into my friend's parenting philosophy yeah it doesn't matter what you do the kid's gonna be the kid i like it i like it jack took home security seriously he did i like i appreciate. At least you know he's not wishy-washy. Game seven mentality.

You're an obi. He's a dog that is not going to surprise you. You know what you get. Very predictable. I can appreciate that. But I was terrified of him because I was just like, oh, you're just a big bully, aren't you? He's like, I will murder you. Yeah.

It was like day two to three. I'm like, no, I'll rub your belly off. I'll split your belly. I'll get you to the armpit. He's like, I will eat your fingers first. I'm going to eat your eyes. You're going to wake up blind. Kyle's good with dogs.

I shut the door. He's a lot of experience and affection for dogs. That's who Kyle is. So on day two or three, he's like, have we gotten over this yet? Jack was not over it yet. But he had a muzzle on. I knew Kyle was safe. No, he was waiting for Woody to take her to fucking fencing practice your ass up speaking of fencing

did you ever jump in like when you went to a class like did you ever get to try it out no i um i wanted to like i i yeah i i wanted to in particular, I wanted to. In particular, I wanted to know how I stacked up against an 11-year-old girl who trained. Could dad just step in and win without any training? Because if it's wrestling, he could, right? You wrestled at 11, right? But you couldn't beat your dad even if he had never done it. There's no chance.

And I just wanted to know. I wonder if i could beat these kids but i never did it i i imagine that'd be one of those things where it's so technical and like the little dipsy doodle and dodge stuff they do like anyone who's trained who's like also an adult like you're not even going to score a point but against a kid that kind of reach advantage I feel like you can just rap like unless it can't unless you get rap you got a poke right I think all you can riposte is hit all yours off and then yeah and a

big part of is like pairing your attack and then while you're yeah saber so I can't just start whipping them you could but the moment you pick it up to go for the first whip in a quarter second they're just going to reach out and touch your chest now they're 11 year old girl i'm going to whip the shit out of her yeah yeah right he's going to be running away so you're not doing a competition

you're just going to take this and just beat that kid no matter what she does he's billy madisoning this class i'm going to start doing this making x's and i'm going to walk forward and i don't got an answer for that i'm'm going Darth Sidious or whatever. My tactic would just be this. Taylor, you know when you steal a puck from someone, you lift their stick, and then the puck is their thing. General Grievous. I feel like I could smack their foil so hard

that they're wide open for me for as long as I need to get my poke. Oh, yeah. They don't have the prepped grip strength to handle an adult smacking the foil out of their hand. And then you can just chase them around the way you do kids at laser tag places where it's like 1.2.3.4.5. That's totally how I

play laser tag. If you and I are playing laser tag and I'm going for high score, I don't want to even see you. I'm not trying to beat Taylor. I'm trying to beat Taylor's four-year-old teammate. It's just getting 97 kills.'m horse collar and kids i'm shooting the back of their fucking nest i'm playing for keeps when me and the other adult when me and woody make eyes we both agree you know you're the western hemisphere warlord i'll

be the eastern hemisphere warlord dude i played laser. This is like 10 years ago. I'm way too old for this. And so you could shoot people and get points, which was how everyone is playing. But also their base had a sensor on it and no one's protecting it. So I just sit here shooting the base while no one's paying attention to me for like a good four minutes,

beating the entire building. Oh, I knew a kid who would like put a hoodie on secretly over his vest. After the fact. Couldn't take damage. Like not eat, like just full tank. Then everyone's like, Jared,

this kid's not doing it. I had laser tag toys. Yeah. They never worked. Or maybe we just got low quality ones because we'd get like one afternoon of fun and then one person trips and there's no visible break. But the cheap plastic like, oh, this one just doesn't work anymore. Ours worked really well.

But, you know, the sensor is the problem. You've got to shoot the sensor. And like, you know, kids, you cover the sensor up and start blasting. Yeah, you have to. It's a defense. Yeah. The professional ones have sensors forward and back on your chest back, your shoulders, and on your gun. So if you were in a gun

fight, I'm sideways and I'm moving and going up and down and shooting at you. Just really minimizing you guys have these. That's what I have. Yes. Oh my god. Yes. Yeah. Those things, they broke very easily. That's nostalgia, baby. Yeah. I was playing

with those boom walking around that was like night made all these crazy noises too like the dollar like they sounded like the dollar store lasers and uh they're not showing that these were your sensors but the actual sensor were these little i think the red things with the dot that almost looked like i don't i don't even know how to quite to describe that yeah but you can just cover them with your hand you could just be turned a little sideways and they wouldn't uh show properly those sensors never worked at all but the laser guns were really cool yeah laser tag lended itself to cheating even more than airsoft and there's a lot of cheating in airsoft like it was kind of an understood thing amongst my friends

like when we'd go in the woods and play in like middle school where it's like all right this round like you take a take a couple shots before you go out because there's only like six of us despicable you would okay you would have paintball yeah no no you just wipe the paint off all three of us cheated our tits off at that event oh that's different all right let me explain why that's different i stopped believing entirely we're there we're like we're there and especially me frankly at that particular event i'm there as like an ambassador for like a website two or three brands and and like i'm supposed to be out there like hobnobbing rubbing elbows with the players i'm trying to give everybody their money's worth people flew there to play paintball with me so i'm gonna wipe this shit off and like get up next

to you and try to give you a little fun because you paid here to come to be with you now um and i i think what we would do we would like they want you to walk like a quarter mile back and do this whole checkpoint thing and we we'd step out of the fight and be like, we're dead for this fight. And then we'd walk back into it. Cause it's like a steady flow of people. It's not like one of us made a difference, but yeah, at those things,

I would absolutely do that. But when I played like with my friends or at, uh, we used to play every weekend. Um, I did not like that. You know, when people would wipe,

we would get rowdy about it. There would almost be fights like you know that's bullshit you wipe the paint off and they don't like that yeah the event that you're talking about i remember maybe it was just the first year maybe a couple years but we were on the winning team and not by a little our team is spawn trapping but on a massive scale it's like a 700 versus 700 paintball event but we have 50 ringers it will so if the whole course is two miles long which isn't a bad guess something like that we've got them pushed into their last quarter mile so when they respond they just walk back and get in the fight when we

respond we have a three mile hike yeah it's a mile and a half back and then a mile and a half to the front line so you can see with the temptation to not make that entire hike in the heat dude i had that mostly made that hike i did yeah yeah yeah i had that die damn that big like lmg that's fully automatic and and i think it holds like three or four hundred paintballs in that drum mag underneath it and then i've got like a thousand on my back and I was in the woods looking at their spawn point. Just hosing crowds of people. I was a dentist out of there.

That was so fun. I had to crawl through tick infested briars. You're not, no one was near me for like half an hour. I was like, man, I hope I'm still on their property. Do you like that? So people don't know. I was like, man, I hope I'm still on their property. Kyle, do you like that? So people don't know. I hate it. I had like a competition style gun.

It's very light. It shoots very fast and it's easy to use. Kyle had more Milsim equipment, you know, picture of heavy AR, like light machine gun to haul around. What do you like to play with? Well, that gun in particular, the Die Dam, D-Y-E-D-A-M, I love that thing. I doubt the new ones have changed that much

because it not only will do that, it'll do an overhead hopper, it'll do an undercarried drum magazine of regular paintballs, or it'll do stick magazines of first strike rounds, which I was carrying around uh with me for like long range and for sniping when i just ran out of ammo i like that for that scenario game shit like it i felt like i had multiple tools i could bring uh but the little um speed speedball markers that we've all got as well man that thing's so light and compact and everything's just right here in this little package the kind of paintball i like is speedball i want to go out there and some wire

spools and uh and milk crates and shit do a quick 10 minute game like 3v3 5v5 capture the flag or whatever and then go right over here take our hot gear off drink some gatorade and some maybe some air conditioning or a fan or something sit on a tailgate and then walk 20 feet back into the game you know but through some baseball netting or whatever when we're out in the woods and you get you're like thirsty and get briar cuts and like i don't even know what poison ivy looks like in chicago is it different here is that northern poison ivy i don't even know maybe it's darker? Isn't that Northern poison Ivy? I don't even know. Maybe it's darker. I don't know. I mean,

I'm just getting, it's, I don't love that. I don't like the, uh, anything you're playing near balloons, like the inflatable barriers that are kind of like tethered to the ground. I just don't feel like I'm in it as much.

Whereas if you're like going through the woods and there's like pallets stacked up or like an attack and defend for the attack and defend is what I had the most fun doing. I don't care if I'm attacking or defending. Usually it was more fun to defend because it would be such a big advantage that it would be numerically like, all right, 10 of you are going to defend against 42 attackers, which if it goes well,

it means you're going to get to shoot like five people and, and defend. I just, I didn't like the speed. And I think it was also like intimidating because I would like be on the outside of that mesh because you can watch like the speedball, really good people.

Cause, and they know exactly where to run right off the start. Like they have a little break and it's like, this guy already knows he's run into the triangle Tostito chip one or the Dorito, whatever. This guy's run into the snake tube. And so when we would try that, I'd always be like, oh my god, every

one of them has one of those guns that shoots 30 rounds a second. And so it's just a, sounds like a swarm of cicadas just always around your head with the noise. I wouldn't win. Favorite thing we ever did in paintball was, there were maybe five YouTubers, I don't know, against

maybe 70 people with terrible rental equipment on a really small field, smaller than a football field. So we're always right there. There's not really much running, and we're moving from cover to cover, and we would all have like 10, 12 KDs. At the time, I thought that we had better equipment and more skill, but upon the reflection, at least in my case,

I just had way better gear, you know, dude, like between the first year and the second year there, the first year, me and Trevor team art, we're using the, the tip men's that you had to shake, like to try and get the balls back down in there.

And neither of us were very good. We weren't helpful on our team we were like the low tier grunts second year trevor and i got these like really nice i guess they were die whatever they were maybe yeah empire something like that and i remember being like damn i'm so much better at paintball this year than last year and it's like oh no wait no i'm not i'm just like fucking up all the people who are dealing with my equipment I used last year. Another thing I didn't consider is like we didn't pay for our paintballs. So we would have thousands of them.

We could spill 300 and not even pick them up or care or whatever. Other people might have been conserving their ammo because they pay for it. That is an advantage. Yeah. Yeah. So paint payables. I don't know what they cost. It's expensive.

I haven't played in so long, but when I was a kid and started playing when I, I think I got my first gun when I was 11 or 12, we, we, and we just kept buying more guns. And that's always been my favorite sport to play. Like I was,

I was good at it right away. Part of it was, I was just, I didn't care if I got shot. I wanted to move a lot. i was good at it right away part of it was i was just i didn't care if i got shot i wanted to move a lot i was a lot faster then so i would really want to run like straight up the right side of the field so you get that right hand lean that right hand peak and just what everybody wants to do in those speedball games is they they run either short and get down behind a thing mid and get down behind a thing or they run long and then they get down behind a thing they always get get down behind a thing, or they run long. Then they get down behind a thing. They always get behind a thing, though,

and they're like, and then peek over the top. Everybody does that. But if you just keep running up the right side, you're going to run right past them and shoot them in the back. And I love doing that. You're like the Dunkirk guy.

I love doing that. I would do that every round. We would play 3v3 tournaments, and I would just run up the right side of the field and sometimes all three of us would run i would be like look first round nobody stops we don't take cover at all so one guy on the left one center one on the right and we would sprint up the field because they weren't pre-shooting lanes they weren't pre-firing everybody was just taking off running to a thing and then getting down but that doesn't work in you know in playing as professionals but we were just shitting on people every weekend

it felt like cod cold duty pub stomping i miss those days that's when we my cousin i had those t-shirts that said i shoot children for fun we were awful yeah we were like 17 you think you you think you still have the speed for that maneuver i know for a fact i don't i know for a fact i don't but if i I was going to be playing paintball in like eight weeks, you better believe I'd be doing wind sprints in my backyard. You better believe I'd have like a sled behind me or something. There has to be a play style that plays to your strength. I mean,

literally strength. You can carry more shit now or something. At all of those paintball events, there are like tank characters. Remember? Like we would kind of like laugh at it because like there, I remember at one of those events specifically, there was a morbidly obese guy who I don't even believe was there for the event we were at.

He was just there paintballing it up. And he was like rotund, spherical is his body type. rotund spherical in his is his body type and he had more of those pods on him just by sheer like area of skin available like i thought i remember seeing kyle all like kitted up with his shit that second year and being like damn kyle's like a real paintball man he's got like four extra ball sleeves back there and then this guy i'm like it's whatever he wants for free me and trevor are getting the we're the the pups you know barking for scraps but then this other guy i was like this guy doesn't think he'll ever die like he has enough paintballs for a weekend just to go out there and he's he's got snacks impressed me i don't kitty would know the guy's

name and kyle might but so there was what would happen is let's say that they're the teams are going and one team is getting too beat up right and the point of this is everyone's supposed to have a good time so they would roll in equalizers right some sort of tank maybe a car whatever this was a guy where if you shot him he he didn't die. And he had like a saw. And I don't know what his paintballs were in, like a backpack or something.

Normally people have a hopper. And that holds about as much as like a can of tennis balls, something like that. This guy had an endless amount seemingly. And if you shot him, he didn't care. He just kept going. He was jacked, right? He's like a perfect specimen, six pack,pack big packs deltoids ripping out and he

played with no shirt on and he'd just be like like you guys are winning too much huge piece of shit was he a huge shit oh yeah so he was covered in bruises the idea so like you said if he gets shot it didn't matter he just kept shooting that wasn't a rule that was just how he played paintball yeah some of us portion he was like a like a boss character employed by the facility to equalize the team so they they would inject like 20 to 50 of those players to do that and like push the lines back and what they would, they would stick them kind of behind your lines and all of a sudden they're shooting you in the side or from behind or whatever.

But when they got shot, they were supposed to quit. That guy got laid out that day. Like somebody, somebody did not like getting like, you shot me 12 times in the back. You came in from, from,

from over there. And then when we shot you, you kept playing, they punched him in the head. And then there was a big, like everybody pulling everybody away from everybody. It was like was like i i did not care for that gentleman i remember he was wearing like animal skins like a barbarian or something i remember like a tiger skin thrown over him like he was a biblical character i just thought describing him i'm imagining arnold

schwarzenegger conan the barbarian just wandering out with akimbo paintball guns ready to absolutely ruin some 12 year olds day i pictured him like an attack helicopter but low budget right because he's actually just a human but like he plays like an attack helicopter you almost can't shoot back you just take cover and weather the storm or probably die like that's that's what he's there for because your team is spawn trapping the other, and he's going to end that problem. Yeah. They sold all that land and made a bundle, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah.

I think the state needed it for build a highway or something, so I think they really got paid, I think. So good for them. It seemed like he didn't have money problems even before the sale. Yeah, yeah. It seemed like they were doing okay because, you know, it seemed like a pretty popular part. Every time I went there on weekends, like just my weekends when I'd go, there'd be like 500 people there, you know, and they weren't all there for me, certainly. Right.

I think, yeah, I haven't played paintball in forever. I played Airsoft the last time I played anything at this place in Atlanta. Howanta how did you like it pretty fun yeah i like it i think you get the bad rap amongst the paintball crowd no i i like it um what i don't like is everybody's wearing so much gear that it's kind of meaningless when they get hit that there's no pain on their end and i wore like i wore my paintball pants but i just wore a a T-shirt and maybe a rig or something. But it hurts when I get shot. And I want it to hurt because I want to play like it hurts, which to me is playing like you're trying. And the pain reinforces and punishes bad mechanics. Like, yeah, we don't run straight up the middle.

Why? Because they'll lay you out, son. That shit hurts. It's 400 feet per second. But if everybody's playing tactical because they know it's going to sting, hurts it's 400 feet per second um but if if everybody's playing tactical because they know it's going to sting then it's a it's a lot more fun to play the kind of game you like and those kids are like covered with armor not giving a shit and everybody's got flashlights and um they were using flashlights and door i guess yeah and they were

using um fog the fog was neat because the flashlights pick up in the fog real cool. Every now and then, just like in Call of Duty or any other first person shooter, when you bump into a guy and you just hose each other down, man, it hurts. Everybody's got an M4. It hurts. I like Airsoft. I might like it more than paintball. To protect yourself reasonably in airsoft. You don't have to dress as warmly and I'm, I'm a bit of a human furnace in real life and I'm always,

I struggle more with heat than cold. Yeah. I always like playing paintball in the winter, like winter paintball was, was the way, uh, just because the extra clothes made it hurt a little bit less and it was just something to do the grass wasn't as bad the ticks weren't as bad in the woods but yeah yeah that's what i played a lot of baseball but i always just wanted to play more paintball i was always like do you guys play paintball they're like what is that no one knew what it was it was like a kind of a outsider sport i guess when i was 12

um i don't even know where my paintball gun is now. Isn't it more satisfying to hit somebody with a paintball gun than the airsoft? Like you see the little pellet hit them and bounce off and you might hear them go. And then you have to be like, hey, I got you. I'm to get out. But like if you hit him with a paintball, that shit hits and splatters like a bright color. Like you're playing. What's that game? Splatoon instead of RoboCop.

And you know they've been nailed. The bright green goo is everywhere. It's really satisfying to watch. Pistols are really fun, too. I've got a really good pistol that shoots these rifled rounds that go fairly accurately. And when you shoot somebody in the face with one of those and splat that white shit in their eyes,

it's like, fuck, that was cool, because you watch it go in. Yeah, paintball was always fun that was uh by far my favorite thing to do as a kid was was to go in the woods and play paintball what are you watching on tv lately well i'm the uh um oh i just completely re-watched sopranos with my girlfriend for the first time um i don't i know you want to talk about that but um what's the uh the thing that's coming out week to week that we're watching for all mankind comes to mind um that's not it huh no i can't think of it can you do you remember anything about it

well now that i'm trying so hard i can't remember me too oh my god i am thinking there's another one um you're like the two guys in the video story i want the movie it's about a guy who does the thing with the person it's the guy who does the thing with the hair yeah what i watched that was i i enjoyed it but sometimes i like gay fucking shows it's like this chef who's a chemist it's a woman and uh she takes her chemistry background and becomes like a tv chef personality have you not heard of this show uh it's fun so it takes place in like the 1950s and it's a little bit woke if you're sensitive to that. Like she's not getting respected as a real chemist because she's a girl and stuff like that.

And through some twists and turns, she eventually becomes a TV chef. But she's like, yeah, I don't know. She doesn't call it salt. She calls it sodium chloride. And she has a way of like extracting the tannins out of this or getting a rise into that and she delivers these speeches on the importance and like i don't know it's like the role of a woman in a family in the 1950s and it's pretty good i really liked it so what uh what channel uh i'll look it up hold on

What channel? I'll look it up. Hold on. I'm waiting on the boys to come out with a new season. Well, it's not going to be the last season. They got a four and a five coming. So and did you see lessons in chemistry? And yeah, we like Apple TV.

Gen V surprised me. I'm going to look up lessons in chemistry. That does sound fun. But Gen V, I expected it to suck but it was surprisingly good question mark i was just kind of surprised that it wasn't yeah i liked it more than i thought i would too because it's so goddamn woke when you look at the oh yeah like just the the building blocks of it um and we were talking about what he's like, well, is it? I'm like, yeah, you know,

it's that gay black woman with her period powers taken down the patriarchy. It's like as woke as it gets. Right. And then there's the transgender chick. There's a, for people don't watch the show. There's a girl who's a person's whose superpower is to be a boy or a

girl. In addition to like durability and strength and fighting, but they, there's a female actor and a male actor who plays their two personas. superpower is to be a boy or a girl in addition to like durability and strength and fighting but they there's a female actor and a male actor who plays their two personas and that's a little transgender sort of nod um kyle mentioned the whole period power blood killing i feel like it goes on and on it like i'm not the other girl's got an eating disorder that's pretty like yeah commentary yeah it's very much so did you see it no it's just from your guys but the main boys is ham-handed too it's

a lot of things but it's nowhere close to subtle it's very in your face with yeah they're really not subtle anymore i'm a little blind to woke stuff sometimes but when kyle pointed that out it was like no argument you win it just is like the thing is i don't mind because it i also like to describe it as horny harry potter because it's all these it's all these like magical like teenagers fucking each other yeah it's a bunch of things and it's more like what what hogwarts would be like because they're making their dicks gigantic like some girl would say something awful about you and you'd make her eyes fall out or something like you know you would that spell where you're like oh damn stacy's so hot i'm gonna i'm gonna turn myself into stacy

and fucking take a look at these tits see what she's got under the covers here they could stop time you know how much rape there would be if you could stop time do you dude every single professor at hogwarts i would have have robbed them blind like okay the ministry of magic strictly monitors those time turners let's not pretend like i've got wards up i'm just gonna let anybody freeze time and waltz in i don't think wards work in a paused time right you can't understand this conversation i don't know iards work in a paused time, right? I don't understand this conversation. I don't know. I haven't read Harry Potter. All I know for sure is if I could stop time,

Teenage Woody would have seen people in their panties. Oh, yeah. It's so rapey about it. Jesus, Teenage Woody, you're an awful guy. That's not rapey. That's just sexual assaulty. You don't go to robbery. Do you go to stealing as well?

One of the first things i think about all the time and like a time pausing scenario is like i have a bank robbing fantasy i don't even know how i'd get into it i think there's no money in the bank it would be fun to rob a bank or rob anything like there's not enough to go get like there's there's i have infinite time i can i can rob i can hit this bank i can hit that bank i can drive you a new city and hit that bank i can do whatever i want enough i don't know how much money do you think is in the bank i'm just calling it like a like a regular bank on the street yeah cash not a ton 250 000 maybe oh i feel like that's like that i doubt there's that

much though like at a big bank like because i i know if you show up and ask for like $50,000, they're like, oh, let's talk to... Let me call Jim. What are we calling Jim about? Is he the one that counts my fucking money and gives it to me? Jim's going to decide if you can make the down payment on this house. It's not that. You're just trying to get your money.

You're trying to withdraw cash. I've never pulled out $50,000, but I've pulled out in the neighborhood of $10,000 a bunch of times because I was buying motorcycles. They don't really even pay much attention to you. How much? $9,600.

I am not interesting when I remove $10,000 cash. That tells me they must have $50,000, $70,000, $100,000 back. Yeah, that's true i know that season they're gonna have a lot i don't know some people like well that's not the money that they give you if you withdraw money though like like the money that they're taking in is in a different pile like they wouldn't take that money that's coming in on deposits and turn around and hand it right back to you. I bet it goes somewhere and gets processed, right?

No, I think it's the same pile. I think that's what's caused all of our prior collapses, right? They overland as like a percentage. Well, they never literally those bills. Don't they just remove them from circulation? The literal paper has to go somewhere. Because the money that comes out of the ATM is always nice. A bank's never handed you a crumpled $5 bill.

Okay, fine. How about this? You don't rob a bank never has a bank's never handed you a crumpled five dollar bill okay fine how about this you don't rob a bank what is you pause time you get unlimited time what is the best thing to like and i'm thinking like skyrim style like maybe it would be uh buckingham palace i got the answer i go in and i can just steal anything i got it nope i got it all that shit's non-transferable. It's a classic thing. Oh, really? Who do you sell your jewels to?

Oh, I just have it now. I just have the crown jewels. Oh, well, enjoy your jewels. You're now going to take them with a fancy headdress. No, I melt all the gold down and then I sell that. Do you know what? I mean, gold's what, $2,000 an ounce? Like, oh, we've come away with this international scheme

with, wow, the vacation actually ate away at most of our, we made $1,800. The flights to and from Buckingham Palace made up most of our profits. $20,000 in travel. Turns out melting down all their rings doesn't get me that far. I'm like Kyle Woody,

I'm upside down on this time pausing robbing experiment. I need you to get me out of this. Rewind! Hit rewind! You're right, he's got his time travel. So, the only place I know where you can get currency, which is what you want, because again, it's that classic thing. What are you going to do with

the crown jewels? Who are you going to sell them to? Nobody will touch you. They'll turn you in. The reward will be worth more than they could ever have to sell them to. Nobody will touch you. They'll turn you in. The reward will be worth more than they could ever have to give you anyway, unless you are that guy who knows the billionaire and that you're not that guy.

But if you pause time and you walk into a casino and you just take a whole bunch of chips, that's transferable money that you can show back up with a year and a half from now and cash in. Yeah. I don't know if that's true. Are some of the chips digital now, though?

Like, don't some casinos have chips they can track in some capacity? Oh, that would ruin the spirit of it, I feel. I'm not a gambler, but I wouldn't like that. Not in such a way as they would be like, oh, this is the chip that was stolen on the chip steely day. And there's millions of dollars just sitting there. There's millions's millions of dollars just sitting there. Just millions and millions of dollars just sitting there. And you could just show up and cash in $100,000 whenever you wanted to.

You could just have a big stack of them back home. Imagine the chaos in the casino if you get greedy and you steal all the chips. All of a sudden you're playing and all the chips just disappear. That's exactly what I would do. You'd have to be measured. I would change the chips we use. It wouldn't be a huge investment To make all my whatever

Thousand dollar chips from blue to green And now when someone shows up With the blues that we know were stolen We look closely at them Yeah I feel like that's an even worse idea than just Robbing a bank Robbing a bank dude if you can get In Kyle's estimate a quarter million let's say Kyle

Doubled it and made a mistake and it's an eighth of a million, then shucks, you can rob three, four banks and you're really set for a while. You can rob as many as you please. You're pausing time. No. That money has numbers on it. I feel like

those bills have numbers on them. They have serial numbers. Here's a thought. It doesn't matter if we get caught. It doesn't matter if we get caught. It doesn't matter if we get caught. Because as soon as they come to apprehend me, I stop time and go somewhere else. I stop time, and you know what I do? I switch my outfit with one of the cops,

and now I'm, like, arresting this guy. It's like, shut up. Stop with your conspiracy theories. I'm not you. I think for some reason I have the thought that your best case scenario is to get like the eight or eleven thousand dollars that's in the drawers out front that no one really knows about that isn't traceable. But I think if they've got funds in there, that's like those clean bricks of money that like came from the Federal Reserve. They're like, yeah, those are bills 8,000 through 9,000B. Just keep a lookout for those.

And then all of a sudden they had this map that starts glinting and lighting up little red streaks as you buy groceries. And they're like, all right, he shops at Publix. They're waiting outside. Then I just paused time again. What if you robbed gun shows? Like cash-only big fancy gun shows or car shows.

Okay. Those bills are not tracked. I like where your head's at here. I like that. You can also just take the guns, which, again, have value in and of themselves. Is there a lot of money? I can only carry so many guns. We're missing something.

There's somewhere where there is cash on the table that isn't accounted for. We're going to kick ourselves. There has to be an obvious answer. If you can pause time, there has to be something that's great to rob. And you just keep fucking poking holes and all the fun. Well, I'm just saying...

You can steal government hard drives. It's hard to do crime. Hello, too. Oh, let's get in... It is too hard to do crime. We need to make it easier. That's worse than jewels. Government hard drives.

Now I have to find bad people to sell my things to. Now I'm a trader. Although Zach has a great idea. Steal somebody's crypto ledger. I don't know where they would even keep that. I don't want to be from a person, though. On a hard drive.

Yeah, I want to steal from a big bank or a big institution. I have to find their hard drive first. I don't want to go to someone's house and pilfer their safe. All right, let me just throw this out there. I want to feel good at the end of the day. How about we don't rob with our time pausing and hear me out okay we become the world's most rich and famous magician everywhere no one can figure out how you do it you're literally a magician a magic person watch me grow a beard right now right like like david copperfield's probably pretty wealthy you could go to vegas and you earn 30 000 a night for an hour there's a lot of skills

you can pull off imagine being a surgeon right because i got it you do a surgery the less i'm stupid i got it just yes i got it i got it now. I was stupid before. You're the greatest gambler of all time. You pause and look at everybody else. Oh, that's it. I love it. I love it. Because when you're the greatest gambler of all time,

they constantly be going back at like, how does he do it? The real problem would be that there's video footage of you at the table. And so you pause time. You get up. You go look at everybody's cards. You go back, sit at your table. And you pause time you get up you go look at everybody's cards you go back sit at your table and you try to sit just like you were and then restart time again but and maybe the guy next to you it's imperceptible you just shift a little but to the camera who knows what it sees and everybody's cards have to be put back just so otherwise they shift we've been talking about

pausing time but we also threw out reversing time you could gamble in the same way that tom cruise did end of tomorrow right you know reversing time reversing time is too power okay okay yeah i was thinking the same thing anyone in poker if i got to play it again look at their card well you'd have to like there are markers on like a blackjack table right like they had the little like squares where you put your cards and all that you'd have to like come up with a position with like both of your hands in the exact same spot and then get up and then return to that exact position no i'd put on one of those uh or take a bath an arab oh you're in the bathroom when you come back and look at everybody's cards, so

the cameras don't see you. Yeah, they have no idea. I need to get in on this hand right just now! Sorry. They could cheat other games, too, like roulette or keno or any of these ball or random chance games. You could freeze time.

There's a point in roulette where they stop the betting, though. And the ball is still in motion when that happens. He's pushing the ball. Yeah, he's moving the ball. Well, then the cameras catch magic happening. A ball disappears and reappears,

and they're like, look at this. Is this a glitch? They're like, it's not a glitch. Just a little touch. Just a little gentle tap so that when time resumes, it rolls from black to red and you're good. Well, then he created a black hole and we all get sucked in.

We can't move things. All right, don't create more lore for this part. You would be applying the medic energy and when time resumes, it's normal. So you're going to thump the ball and then immediately unpause, pause so that it's in motion, I guess. And then this is no good. We still have no control over where the ball goes no no no you wait until it's just about settled when it's kind of like one or the other and nobody really knows and then you give it a really light little touch and what if

we went honest again remember how drifter said you'd be a surgeon but you'd be able to perform like 90 surgeries in a day what if you like did a really overpriced freight service you know like like i can take your fucking oil tanker from saudi arabia to louisiana in one night now people are getting suspicious you can't well it's not one night for me but it's one night for you which is why i charge so much well you to open your teeth swimming. You still have to work for a living, basically. Just at a higher rate. Yes. There's a million skills you can use.

Bro, I can pause time. We're going to find a way to make this pay. You could be a great goalie in any sport because all you have to do is just like like you just have to stutter step the pauses like pause on pause pause on pause pause and so like it's the the soccer ball or the hockey puck or whatever is coming at you in super slow motion i've had this fantasy for 40 years yes you also work if you're fast enough go full dr manhattan and have sex with a woman but swap positions like hyper fast so she feels like she's getting blown out all around he created multiples

of himself he like split through but if you were fast enough at swapping wouldn't it feel about the same no her pussy would just burst into flame when you unpause time all the friction all at once just yeah that canal wasn't meant for that sort of damage that that temporal damage oh we're at over two hours so we're gonna get from a wonderful wonderful sponsor and that's pharaohdistro.com folks attention pka fans pharaohdistro.com is doing an exclusive giveaway for listeners and viewers of the podcast over the next month your first 50 spent on pharaohdistro.com will get you five entries to win a dab x ago the best dab on the market in my humble opinion the creme de la creme of dab rigs not only that but every 10 spent past the initial 50 gains you an additional entry

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something to do with it so check it out lock and load get it start coming like a man and that's that's it well done how are your comms drifter uh probably normal in volume if i had to guess you gotta fix that they they look oh yeah yeah i guess i could i could use a full-on water hose but yes yes right now i've just got the peasant uh dribble the peasant dribble you got to do some some. You've got to do some kegels, right? Isn't that what makes you shoot further? I think that's what women do. I don't know if men can do kegels.

We can do kegels. I'm doing it right now. I'm doing it right. Everybody, let's do a few kegels together. Hold, hold, hold. Everyone, hold, hold. And relax. And relax. And relax.

All right, everybody. Don't relax too much now. I want a replay of last week. Woody, do you have any big Christmas gifts? And if so, do you have any secret Christmas gifts? And if not, is it one of those situations where everybody knows what everybody's getting and it's a boring adult Christmas? Are you just asking about what I'm giving or getting?

Giving, of course. I only buy one person a gift. That's Jackie. She handles everything else. That's your gift? I didn't come up big this year for Jackie, actually i got her it might sound stupid the most but i got her a nice microscope it has like a tv screen built on the top of it

she uses a microscope probably like three or four times a week a lot of times it's for our fish tank she's identifying like some sort of algae bacteria flatworm whatever but she's also into jewelry and she uses it to see that better she uses it sometimes while soldering and uh she just likes it so our microscope we got we have one now and it was inexpensive i think it was 60 or something it's something a student might use in homeschool and it was just to see whether or not this concept was good so i bought her like the good one with a 10 inch LCD screen. And you can like take pictures and post them on the internet, which we can't really do now with our,

you know, regular one. So that's what she's getting. Have you ever looked at anything cool under the microscope, like your own calm or something? No, that's actually, it's big on my list,

but no, no, you can look at your lock and load load. Yeah. Yeah. i wasn't even fully joking it'd be kind of neat it's like there's it's fucking swimming yeah right that or um saliva i think could be interesting i think we did that in high school yeah i didn't even consider blood but yeah i should no i've only looked at stuff jackie shows me she said that if you just took a little bit of Coca-Cola or a sugar soda and

smeared it across a slide and left it there, it turned into beautiful crystals under the microscope. I got one of those for Christmas. I'm sure it's nothing like what you got because 25 years ago or something like that. It had a viewing screen. Instead of looking down into a viewer,

you had the screen for the microscope. I had all the slides and everything through. That's a, that's a fun little gift. I'm Taylor. Anything from you? Any, anyone getting anything good this year?

Uh, I don't want to say a couple because I know like my, yeah, the couple of people listen. So I'm not going to, I'm not going to slip up here. He's getting that Charizard. Yeah. They're getting that chart. No, don't expect to try. So they're not getting the Charizard, not gonna slip up he's getting that charizard yeah

they're getting that chart no don't expect to try so they're not getting the charts but he told me he was getting like the reflecting or something imagine if i spent a hundred and thirty thousand dollars on a foil charizard and you spoiled it he told me he was getting you that charizard no i like what is it charizard like a A rare Pokemon card. The original holofoil Charizard is worth like six figures. The one that came out in like 96, 97. Logan Paul came out with one and instead of a big

diamond necklace, he just had the Pokemon card. In like plastic and around his neck. It's like, alright, that works too. I'm a sucker for Pokemon. I love especially the original 151. Pokemon's gay gay i'm more of a magic gathering kind of guy hey that's not gay that's cool i have a black lotus i only have one card if you had a black lotus just by like some random happenstance just from being just from like being what it's just a flex i don't even

play the game yeah you're just like what is is this? This fucking gay-ass card? You're just spending it. Ruining it. It's worth 100 grand. That's the anti-roadshow dream. Did you get anything crazy for your significant other? Your dad? Your mom? Is that a Charizard?

Or an illustrator? What were you asking me? Oh, he had... He has japanese fucking yeah oh he's got a japanese original one yeah i'm not familiar with that one that's probably worth even more i don't even yeah he's got an incredibly rare card that we don't even understand and it's just it's not even in our language um so i would say that was valuable different level probably a quarter million dollar card or something stupid um i procrastinated i kept saying like oh i'll do it in the morning and then like i'd stay up all night playing tarkov

and then the morning said the morning doesn't ever happen you know and then and i do that it's rough you know it's hard to get to everybody and so what i'm gonna do tomorrow is i'm gonna drive to alabama i think and get this fucking dog i'm getting I'm getting my girlfriend a dog, but I don't know which dog yet because I procrastinated. So tomorrow I'm a mixed pulse. It's going to be whatever dogs are left. Yeah. What about the ones you linked? It's like you had them narrowed down.

They were. Yeah. Well, I wanted to be a Christmas dog, you know, so those got sold. Those were Thanksgiving dogs. Those are Thanksgiving dogs. So get her a dog. Get her a Shiva. She'll love that. Those were Thanksgiving dogs. Those were Thanksgiving dogs. Get her a dog. Get her a Shiva. She'll love that.

Those aren't animals. I'm either getting a miniature doodle mix of some kind, like a 30-pound version of my current dog, because I like that hypoallergenic, non-shedding fur, and they look cute as fuck. So I'm either getting a mini Bernie doodle or a mini Golden doodle, mini Labradoodle, one of of those mixes or i'm getting a mini schnauzer because i like those little fuckers they've got you know the big mustache whiskers i mostly i don't think

of dogs like this but i love it when someone dog has a dog like they get a rottweiler and a miniature pincher like you know like yeah this is my dog and this is my dog's dog you should get a mini for your pet that's exactly what i'm doing okay because toby is a toby's a bernie doodle he's like 70 he's 78 pounds and uh he's like brown and white and fuzzy and just the best dog i've ever had i love him so much he's so loving and cool and just always wants to be my buddy and i i want another one but he needs a sidekick because he's insufferable like he's with me all the time he's outside the door he needs another buddy he's out there right now waiting on me to come out you done yet all right i'll wait here and there's going to come a day when you get that new dog that you're going to walk out there

and he's not going to be there and you're going to have a single tear and think my little boy's growing up. Oh, no, no. He's there all the time. I wake up and he's there with my shoes waiting. Oh, I guess I got my grandpa an iPad. He doesn't listen to this. Yeah, he he he. My grandma was like, now, you know, you're it's kind of expensive.

But what your grandfather would like this year is an iPad because the one he uses doesn't work. The touchpad doesn't work no more, and he likes playing Solitaire. As you know, all he plays on it is Solitaire. And so I bought him an iPad that he can use to look up his work email and play Solitaire on. And so hopefully he likes that. Did you get him a case to put it into i think it's the same size as like a previous one he had and i think he likes the old case so i think he's he's good on that one you know i should get my dad something like that he loves his online dating

if he could get a bigger screen it'd blow his mind so i got my dad last christmas not an ipad what is like a samsung cab or something he loves it but for him it's like a paramount netflix machine probably adult films too but i don't i don't look at it don't talk about that like i had to go ipad because my grandpa was like almost 80 and so i didn't he's been using an ipad and i thought it would be like cruel to be like, hey, a new user interface, old man. No, let's keep it the same. I love the idea. Kyle, I noticed you've been dating

some ugly bitches. I got you a bigger screen for Tinder. This is a 4K display. You're going to be able to tell what's going on a little better now. Wow. Looking at that little track phone. Teach him about the angles that make you look thin and he's off to races.

I told him he should get some plastic surgery. What would he get? A real thing? He's getting that old man neck. You should get that old man neck pulled out. Maybe even get yourself some... Yeah, I guess that's about it. Maybe a facelift.

Why not? You're getting into your late 60s, early 70s. It's facelift time. Get a new look. Depends. I actually think men can look pretty attractive with crow's feet, especially the earned farmer's face.

The next thing I might be on with you. Yeah, those men are 45 to 55 years old, but we're getting to 70 years old. We're melting at this point. It's time to pull things back a little bit. I don't know. I could see that. I'm definitely not cosmetic surgery averse. I would get something. Certainly, if I had any sort of injury, do whatever we could to come back.

Do you have a bear on your mouth? If you could change one thing about you, what would you pick? I gotta get those calf implants. I gotta get those woody calf implants. I would show them pictures of your calves, and I was like, double. Double.

Give me one of those on each side of each leg you get the chest implants like the artificial pecs and abs so you wouldn't really have to work out but it would still look pretty muscular i i worry about those and how they feel on like i know how they feel on women and it's a real mixed bag depending on how big their boobs were before and how old they are and what quality and what substances are used. I feel like the male pec implant is almost an experimental technology. I don't want any part of that. My chest isn't the best, but I certainly wouldn't be getting anything stuck in there. Yeah, I don't know if it's under the muscle.

Can you feel it at all? Yeah, that's what we're talking about surely you can feel the weight of it and maybe it moving a little it's not supposed to be painful what cup size would you go to we were talking about like male cosmetic surgery and i i was like i would immediately get take take a picture of woody's calves and be like double this double this make me look like a fucking weird cartoon character like i want to look like popeye stuff going on i'm over here like i would get it i would get a mastectomy i would get a breast reduction i've had mantis since i was like 12 years old really you look they're not noticeable laying down right man they're very visible in videos and stuff like that. Is that called a... Triangles. Gynomaschia. Gynomaschia.

Gynomaschia, yes. Gynomaschia, that's what it is. Yay! How does that... Made high school real fun. What age did you start getting those? Middle school, high school? 12 or 13.

I went through a phase where I drank like 13, 14 Pepsis a day and I gained a lot of weight and then I lost the weight, but the boobs stayed for the most part. Yeah, that's so much Pepsi. That's... That is a lot. stayed for the most part. Yeah, that's so much Pepsi. That's about the right amount. Yeah.

Well, he said Pepsi. He didn't say diet Pepsi. Yeah, I mean, he was a growing boy. The only one I can think of would be lipo. Like getting rid of fat in like love handles, belly, removal i'm not comfortable with where i am it's great when someone suggests it you wouldn't do something about that nose you wouldn't do you wouldn't uh you wouldn't like knock on the lasik man's door no but i was like i was actually like getting out of the shower recently and like doing one of those

like i was like man scratching under my my nutsack and everything it's like man there's a lot of hair in that gooch area and so i did that thing where you like like captain morgan like throw a leg up on the the counter take a peek in my big full-length uh master mirror and it's man it's a worse situation than I thought down there. Like it's, it's, it's fucking scary. No, no, I'm going to,

I'm letting it fly. I could, I could make small braids. You got it. Okay. You got a wax. Perfect. Like for some sort of,

uh, maybe for this podcast, you lose a bet. There's some goal you guys hit. Taylor has to go in and get waxed. Right. I just, I want to, i want it on camera

you know i just you'll have to blur it right but then the pad that comes off you can put in a little frame and give it to him as a trophy oh it would be a lot of hair like you cut off a piece of a bigfoot suit it would there's like like i don't have like robin williams arms i actually have very nor like i have a totally normal amount of hair on my arms. You would never look at my arms or hands and be like, I guess hair's starting to creep on my hands, but not that much. And you'd be like, oh, that guy's not that hairy. But down there in the Gooch area, it's fucking Vietnam.

You're elite. Yeah, I'm absolutely elite. Do you ever check your Gooch area? Yeah, like Harry Knuckles we're supposed to be seeing? Yeah, no. I'm just just wondering'm wondering how taylor compares no i i'm not seeing i can't really see it might be the camera or something yeah i actually thought you waxed no i've got like i've got like no very little camera together pretty much nothing like

not not some like simian hands very normal like you like hairless hands. You're not simian, I promise. I have some hair right here. I'm a full blood human. That's more probably, well, I guess I'm on the road where you're at. I'm also 50, so maybe. Yeah, but I got more gray hair than you already. Oh, you mentioned Robin Williams' arms. Robin Williams' arms? Y'all see the trailer for the new movie from his daughter, Zelda Williams?

No. She have hair here no she's called lisa frankenstein and it's it's this weird it's a modern film but it's set in the 80s but it uses modern lo-fi music and it's this kind of it looks like an r-rated edward scissorhands just something somewhere between frankenhooker and edward scissorhands it looks absolutely insane okay i haven't seen either of those movies but i know what edward scissorhands is about johnny depp goes around and kills people right nope no no okay never mind then i don't know what john johnny depp is misunderstood and socially isolated because he has scissors for fingers and he manages to uh ingratiate himself to society and overcome that to a great that is such a beautiful film like perfect

back of the box description of that movie yeah i'm more familiar now than i was prior and you remember when movies had boxes yeah you need that physical media they're gonna keep removing all the funny episodes of south park we're gonna need to own them if you want to watch the super friends in 2030 the simpsons on uh disney plus they pulled out some of the episodes that were critical of china oh that is so lame dude that's funny how that's like becoming more common you know dude it's not the government that censors you it's the corporations yeah well the corporations some government sometimes leans on them to do it that reminds me um facebook we we need to put in a request for the Plex guy.

I want to see that movie, the new Godzilla movie. Not the new Godzilla movie that has like baby Godzilla and all that horse shit. The Japanese version. I want to see Godzilla minus one. I've heard it was super good. Yeah, yeah. I've seen very little of it, but I saw the design of the monster. And I heard that they struck a really good balance between

Godzilla fighting shit and the scientist, or not scientist, I think the human character, it takes place at the end of World War 2 or maybe right after World War 2. I think your main character is a failed kamikaze pilot who feels bad that he didn't kill himself.

He's part of the military effort from Japan and the us combined now to take on godzilla and i noticed that when they shoot godzilla like he bleeds like like it's it's he's not invincible so they're hitting him with like world war ii era like naval gunfire and like chunks are flying off of him but he seems to regenerate like he's fucking uh wolverine troll yeah yeah so i want to see that godzilla minus one that looks never heard off of it, but he seems to regenerate like he's fucking Wolverine. Yeah. I want to see that. Godzilla minus one. Never heard of a failed kamikaze pilot. You're pretty bad if you can't hit the

ground. I bet it would just be a myth. I got a history story you'll love. Kamikaze pilots are treated really well. Best food. They didn't have to work and do drills because you just treat them nice for a week or two. They go slam into a ship and kill themselves. There was this guy in Japan and I'm going purely on memory. So I hope I get these facts right. He flew double digits worth of kamikaze missions.

I want to say a dozen, maybe more. And he would always fly out and say, man, the fog was really thick. I couldn't see any American ships. And he'd go out again and be like, your information was wrong. Nobody was there. And he would come back to base and go back to that kamikaze pilot life where he gets steaks and good food and treated well and can do whatever he wants. And he just did it again and again and again until the war ended. I love that guy. I know I want to die as much as you want me to die. that guy.

I know. I want to die as much as you want me to die. But I just think that I should utilize it for a really, really good target. All right. Get your ass in there and enjoy another Wagyu stick. That'd be good.

I wouldn't want to be a kamikaze pilot. That would suck. I'd do what that guy did I'd be like flying to the American side instead of kamikaze pilots they also had these guys who were kamikaze essentially kamikaze torpedo guidance systems

they would bolt you into a torpedo and you're just like well here we go wow they do that now but with drones wait what they would really do that yeah yeah how did they strap them to the torpedo they put them in yeah they're in like a little submersible oh oh that sucks you're in a tube with a propeller a bomb and maybe a fin so you can steer a little yeah imagine you're the kamikaze guy and it fails and you just sink to the bottom of the ocean i swear to god i guarantee half of them at least they they like all right good luck and it goes

and they're like shit oh we didn't turn that one on all right don't forget to turn the next one on it would seem like you'd want to go low to get to the target right like i guess i don't i like i would i'd be i'd be a bitch i'd be i'd be like putting both feet like on the entrance to like no no i don't want to do it you can't make me i want more white goose steak you're being dishonorable and i'd be like i You're being dishonorable. And I'd be like, I'm not being dishonorable. I am dishonorable. I'm gay. I'm gay.

I am. If I were hypothetically a homosexual, would you make me do this? No. You would disgrace the royal submersible, the imperial submersible. I am vain. I'm not sure if that was disgraceful at the time. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think they were cool with that.

I don't know. They seem to be pretty hard-nosed about certain things. We're still not accepting enough. Look at poor fucking Lindsey Graham. His day is long and he can't even enjoy it. Oh, you brought it up. So good. Alright, so not Lindsey Graham, but did you hear about those congressional staffers that made a porno? Yes! Oh, you brought it up. So good. All right, so not Lindsey Graham, but did you hear about those congressional staffers that made a porno?

Yes. Oh, it was so fucking funny to watch unfold on Twitter. They were porking right there at the table. Oh my God, this is my January 6th. They're on the table, and they were able from the video to tell which senators they were sitting between. I think it's Gorsuch and Coons or something like that.

They're like, this dude is up on the bench that sort of covers them, like doggy style while his friend is pounding him out from behind. And the camera kind of shows you that and then pans up and shows the room. And they're in that big, beautiful crazy conference building that you've never, I've never seen a camera pan in that building. It's always the C-Pan. I don't know what that building's called. It's beautiful.

And I guess they were sharing the video on some sort of text chat that's gay political people. I can't remember how they phrased it. All of congress is in that chat yeah everybody and uh and no i guess it made its rounds and so i know they got fired and the the senator whatever that they work for was i'm disgraced and humiliated or whatever he

said you know he's an old fella from the northeast i can't remember what state uh didn't look like he was happy with the footage um yeah i'm sure it was i saw the thumbnail uh or maybe it was just someone edited the dude's up there he's like wearing like a jock so like his whole ass is showing and i can't remember what they edited over his butt but it was funny um so yeah that's been fucking wild our our wait there's a video of the butt fucking oh yeah I just saw a still of the guy's back looking out over the voting area or whatever the hell.

You haven't seen anything yet. Lindsey Graham's been jacking off constantly since it came out. Lindsey Graham's probably mad he didn't get invited. Oh, 100%. That's the real tragedy. Taylor, it should have been me on that taylor the thing i sent you that it was that um it was that guy in the shower he's like i'm at i'm in

the congressional showers or whatever waiting on lindsey graham ha ha ha oh yeah that's the guy really yes that's the guy dude everybody knew lindsey graham gay. It's not like I cracked this case. Everyone knew. Oh, God. Oh, it's the Capitol Dome. That's what they used for his butt. Yeah. Man, that's got to be. So is that a crime?

No, dude's pretty fit. He's pretty fit. Yeah, it would be a crime if he was fat. Lock him up. Get this guy out of here. This fat fuck. Disgracing gonna have to uh no i don't think it's a crime but i think they just lost their jobs it's probably you know the end of it right yeah but at least we caught the one time people were having violent gay sex in the capital, right? It wasn't violent.

Everybody looked like they were consenting and enjoying themselves. I don't know. Having a dick shoved in your ass, that's pretty violent. They gave a good firm handshake when it was done. I didn't see any shoving taking place. They were, oh, it was good seeing you, Senator. I'm looking forward to your, I'm glad that I got your vote. I'll do anything for your vote congressman yeah

so hopefully i mean hopefully lindsey graham takes this as an opportunity to just come on out reinvent come on out lindsey reinvent you know what i call them carolinians love that you know they got a gender neutral name yeah you know as nick you know lindsey graham's nickname right uh no ladybug you know i call him ladybug because he has gay sex well that's how we found out that his nickname's ladybug that because that that gay um hooker claimed to have met up with lindsey graham and when examining his rear up close and personal notes he was covered with genital warts and he was like what is all of this and he's like oh my ladybugs oh oh you know i may not like him anymore lindsey graham yeah yeah yeah

to begin with and now i'm imagining him sitting on a big big clump of genital warts that are so closely you ever see you ever see when ladybugs it's like either in the early spring or the late fall and they all clump together for warmth in like the crevice of a fence post or something where two me or something they'll be in there. That's how I imagine

Lindsey Graham's like rear perineum perineum area like all that all that goochiness how I imagine it. It's literally how I imagine it. You can see how tight he walks and holds himself up. That's got to be some evidence. Yeah, he's trying to keep the whole bottom from falling out of that boat.

This is cursed. This is a good time for me to leave. Guys, I'm going to go dip. Very good. And I'm going to go do date night, and I'm going to try not to think about the things that we just spoke about i hope you enjoy your day man hopefully next time you're on the show you're sitting yeah i think i will even if it's just for a short bit i'll start out sitting up and then i'll have like a camera array follow me back to here

i want to see you upside down next time hanging Hang in for me. I'm not a clown this time. You missed the clown episode. I didn't. I didn't saw it. I must have watched the recording or something. The clown was fantastic. That gave me quite a laugh. My wife today asked me if I was going to be a clown again.

And I'm like, no, no, no. You do it once. It's funny. You show up as a clown twice. You're always a clown. Then I would think that you were doing that in your free time. Yeah. You got a lot of clown

makeup, huh? Yeah. As always, it's been good chatting with you guys. Of course, man. I'm going to go dip, and y'all have a great rest of the show. Yeah. Take care, man. Thanks for coming on. Everyone check out Drifter. Links below. Yeah. Drifter was kind enough to fill in. Our other guest had an emergency come up, and he was able to fill in

hours, you notice. He didn't have a lot going on, I guess, laying there in his state. Poor Drifter. My God. Still slipped us in. Poor Drifter. Every time I see Drifter, I'm like, Jesus Christ. We're going to move past Lindsey Graham's ass this quickly.

God, I want to get so far away from it. I thought you knew, but when you didn't, I had to explain it and now I feel dirty. I hate that you told me about it. It's awful i can believe him being like those are my little that's my cluster ladybugs get on in i saw was it the governor of texas who was talking about removing biden from their uh attorney general i think ah someone who might be able to do it i actually don't know how that works yeah me either do you guys update money with like new presidents every so often or do you think it should be like now we're already set like we're good with the presidents all right i'm strong feelings here yes about this

so i want to keep the the founding fathers on where they are all right like washington franklin lincoln they're not going anywhere i really don't care about jefferson i don't know what he did all right isn't he and hamilton's on the 10 right like like he's on the 20 i don't remember exactly what what hamilton did he was a founding father maybe he like had something to do with this or that i don't know i don't know a lot of our like core stuff i forget. If you watch Alexander Hamilton, the musical, he wrote law after law after law. Did a lot to make sure the federal government was bigger than the state.

Yeah, he was a big federalist. Oh, a federalist. As well as a black man. Yeah. He was black. If you take the musical to be a documentary, then yeah, he was. I did. I did. I did.

And I learned a lot. So what were your thoughts on that? I have thoughts on... I like when they change silly shit, like the Sacagawea golden dollar. It's like, if you're going to make some silly characters, put them on some money, let's make it some money that's maybe not right up front. On a related way, I loved the quarters that had 50 states. That was a neat little promotion they did.

Yeah. It was money was always different. Oh, look at that one. I've never seen one of those before. That was a cool time. Where'd they all go? You never see them anymore. They were on like every QVC commercial in like 2002.

Does every asshole in America have one of those boards full of them a 20 value for only eight strays here no i don't have one but i had that i would want one i was sticking them in that board yeah i was sticking them in there uh in north dakota oh right there i liked the golden dollars that they came out with and i'm i'm always upset that everybody wanted to act like they were collectible and pocket them instead of keeping them in currency. There was, there were,

uh, the Coke machines took them and it was so easy to just be like a plunk and like get your Coke. And it was, it was nice to get, uh, I think maybe it was like a casino or somewhere like that, somewhere where you're like changing a lot of bills and the change was

coming out in golden coin. And I was like, ah, that's neat. Give me, yeah, give me a fistful of those. I don't know. I like the, I like the coins. Isn't there And I was like, ah, that's neat. Give me a fistful of those. I don't know.

I like the coins. Isn't there an expression, queer is a $3 bill? Because I have an idea for Lindsey Graham. They make a $2 bill. I can picture the guy on it. He's got like wacky hair. I think it's, oh, this will be good trivia. He's the one that the Indians don't like.

Isn't it? Andrew Jackson. But no, he's already on the 20. Yeah, he's on the 20. He's the one that the Indians don't like. It's Andrew Jackson. But no, he's already on the 20. Yeah, he's on the 20. Who's on the $2 bill? Did he get two bills? Can't. I feel like he's got some wacky hair going on,

like a big wavy thing going on. I can picture the $2 bills. I like those too. I don't know why those aren't in more circulation. Those are great at Strip Club. It was Jefferson. I was going to say that. Oh, Jefferson.

I guess they're big into Strip Club universe, which means they're huge around Fort Bragg, which is near me. It's in Fayetteville. I had a friend who actually didn't go to Strip Clubs very much, but he liked having $2 bills. He just felt it was a really useful currency. He said the tellers always gave him the side eye when he

would get like you know i need another roll of twos and they'd be like yeah i know what this is for but it wasn't yeah yeah i remember as a kid like my grandpa giving me like a two dollar bill and being like wow this must be worth two dollars i just as a kid i'm like this i thought it was so much rarer than it was so which nowadays it probably is pretty fucking rare i can't remember the last time i saw one i really like the people on our currency they're almost not political right now like people don't have like republicans and democrats don't have differing views on jefferson or washington no they're taking down jefferson statues now okay well i thought they didn't i i i like the idea of older people because they're uh you know they're not

current but if there was like an obama or trump oh my god half the nation would be pissed off yeah i guess yeah you'd have to have like a like a 70 like a 75 like the average lifespan limit where it's like all right we can throw fdr on there now because nobody's all pissy about the new deal or whatever okay yeah yeah i like you have to be presidents ben franklin got slipped one past the goalie that's fine he was important but everyone else i think you should have to be a president hamilton was not a president get him out well no he slipped him as well i guess the goalie let in too isn't it?

Get him out. Well, no, he slept in as well. I guess the goalie let in too. So from here on out, I think presidents would be the way to go. Sacagawea.

Sacagawea. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want Reagan on money. You know, I don't want any people I saw in color. It hasn't been 70 years. He's too current. Yeah.

Yeah. Like I could see FDR. I'm a big FDR fan. I think he's our best president after Washington. I think, you know, doing three fucking terms or whatever, and maybe a little more. Wasn't it like three and a piece of a board? It should be JFK, but like the still image with the brains coming out the side. JFK, I like that.

This is a solid idea. Kyle giving me, rolling his eyes at me. But the dude, that'd be collectible. He was killed that way. So it would be an homage to him yeah i'm the man to have jackie crying in the background when camelot fell like underneath like jesus christ that's dark i hope uh go ahead no i was gonna say do you remember like like mid 2000s and people would fold like their dollars and be like, look at this.

The two towers are on fire when you fold the $20 bill 50 times. And even as like a 13, 14 year old, I'm like, I bet you can make anything if you like are really good at folding. You could probably be like, look, here's Bronco Stadium when they won the Super Bowl. Yeah, I bet you probably could. There was a certain thing you could type in Wingdings that was like 9-11. You get a plain two towers and something else if you type 2001 9-11. I don't know what it was, but the Wingdings font had a thing. There it is.

Because the Pentagon would be like, all right, it's all going according to plan. Now we got to, you know, fuck around with clues about JFK. Yeah, right. Probably not. I think those people were just, or I was going to say Alex Jones before Alex Jones, but he was doing his thing like 25 years ago.

Oh, we haven't talked about Alex Jones getting returned to Twitter. Did you see the whole genesis of that and that whole thing go down? I know he is, but I didn't really see it. Yeah, I heard it too. Yeah, I mean, Elon did a poll and it was very strongly in favor of unbanning him.

And he's like, all right, well, maybe we'll look into this. And then the next thing you knew, he had unbanned him. And then they did that big call that's the one where vivic got caught pissing yeah and i didn't listen to the whole thing i just don't care but i guess i'm a free speech absolutist i don't think that look i i think you draw the line when you're when you're literally screaming fire in that building and everybody stampedes and people get hurt.

That's when free speech stops. But I think you should be able to say awful things to people. Hate speech is free speech. You should be able to read the Mein Kampf in the middle of the public square. The synagogue. With your silly mustache on. And we should use our free speech to laugh at you. But we shouldn't

shut you down and beat you up. That's what a fascist does by definition. We're going to exert our power to have our way. What if you organize your followers to hurt people? Well, then you have committed a crime. Now you go to jail.

Yeah, but you should be able to say anything without getting in trouble. Because Alex Jones was using his platform to convince people that the Sandy Hook parents were crisis actors and lying, and that his people were attacking. People had to move, get security, stuff like that. And our system worked perfectly

he was found guilty they bankrupted him and and it'll work perfectly when he actually gives the money so far that's not it works he's not gonna give the money like you can't find an individual who's not already a billionaire a billion and a half dollars like you're not gonna ever get his money before they get giuliani's though i just feel like well okay one i think it was if it wasn't a billion and a half it was roughly a billion yeah okay okay let's go go with a billion and a half roughly that seems like a lot but yeah but it does seem like he should be paying what he could Maybe they need to liquidate his business. I don't know. But he hasn't paid anything, I think. So it doesn't feel like the system work like it should. Yeah, he probably isn't going to.

It seems like kind of a joke. He offered him $50 million. It's something like a 98% discount. He's like, I'll give you 2% of what I owe you if you call it good. And they said no so far. They want him to sell. Well, then have 100% of nothing then, my friends. Goodbye.

Well, he offered $55 million. Damn, he must have more money than I thought he did. Or maybe he can make the payments on that however that money... I don't know when you pay a judgment like that, how that money coalesces and gets paid out and how that even works. God knows.

I don't trust that like net worth like internet shit where it's like what's this person's net worth it's like there's no way that's real well no but but he's had an incredibly successful like business for a generation so i would imagine he's a tens of tens of millionaire um kind of guy but you know what he did was was definitely a crime and and like he should be punished for it like the way he sort of rallied everybody and i don't mind the conspiracy talk when the people that it's pointed against are like very powerful yeah the global elite all right say whatever you want global elite because can i add to that i'm even kind of okay if you're talking shit about biden

or trump or someone who's rich and powerful when you're picking on the parents of dead children in a school shooting yeah that feels so bad yeah yeah i don't know what he specifically did but then it comes down to like he was like if you have to be like all right he really but maybe like but maybe like, I don't, I don't watch Alex Jones. I've only seen the funny clips of him being ridiculous. But if he really, really believed that, that it was hokum, that it was nonsense, then you'd have to be like, okay, well, he was saying what he believed. But I think it came out that he was, that he admitted, right. Where he's like, I was kind of goosing this a bit to try and then i'll get the attorney accidentally

released all of his text messages oh yeah so he was just lying for profit yeah and there were real victims who were innocent people his real victims were not like biden or lindsey graham or like you know the rich powerful elites that you were talking about. They were parents of slain children at an elementary school. How does that work? I still don't think he committed a crime. I think he was liable civilly. You know, I still as awful as what he did was. I don't think it's a fucking crime.

You know, we had that instance last week, right, where Colby Covington, the UFC fighter, says to the other guy in the press conference, you know, I press conference, I'm going to take you to hell in this fight. You can say hello to your father. His father was murdered. His father, when he was a child. This guy's dad was killed, and that's an awful thing to say. That's not against the Logan law. Nobody should go lock Colby up for saying that abominable thing.

I mean, he should lose you as a fan, maybe. But that's it. You don't lock people up for saying awful things. You're just allowed to. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like flag burning.

I hate it. Like personally, I'm like, man, get that motherfucker. Oh, you don't like living here. You hate it that much, motherfucker. We'll see. Fuck fucking black bag and CIA. Throw him into fucking Syria. Just just no, no language skills, no passport.

See how he likes it because yeah but you can't do that you got it well i mean i guess if you if you burned a gay flag you'd probably get arrested for hate speech i'm with you but it's just that he had some real victims in this pointed sandy hook thing and he knew what he was doing yeah sure it's just like you have to win free speech at least for me and seemingly kyle being like more absolute like you almost have to like air and give a lot of benefit of the doubt because the idea of a precedent being set around speech is very scary i hear you but they sued for damages and they should get their damages they won i agree yeah i don't like that he's dodging

the oj never paid either don't like that yeah o dodging the payout. OJ never paid either. Don't like that. Yeah, OJ did something worse. People died. Yeah. Doesn't make him any less of a fan. That's a hilarious one to still be like, I don't know. It came out in the wash. Who knows?

We might still see Nicole Smith. You proved to me she's dead. As non-football fans, we weren't aware of how many yards he actually ran for. When we looked it up, I got it. Suddenly, I understood the whole thing from a different light. 2,000 yards in a 14-game

season? Come on. Let him go. Let him go. Get him out of here. If it came out Wayne Gretzky was a drug smuggler, get out of here. The it came out Wayne Gretzky was a drug smuggler, get out of here. The more you dig into that stuff... Drug smuggler is a public service. He really got some people high.

It is. Give him another record. She's blowing waiters in his mansion that he bought running all those fucking yards. He's looking in the windows like, you motherfucker. He showed back up. He did what he did. You know what my favorite theory about that is and i'm i'm actually like 30 think that oj's son did

it a lot of people think oj's son did the murder and that the reason that his stories are weird and there's some evidence that looks bizarre and he and he just straight up won't explain certain things is because he can't because the son did it they think the son how old was his son at the time do you know i think like i think like 18 to 22 somewhere in that that range that's i'm guessing over what he looks like in the in the like show though okay and he hated that his dad that his mom or whatever was like cheating on oj with well they were separated you know constantly but he was blowing you know she's she's running around with waiters and such you know on OJ's dime yeah okay well I've never heard

that one before I want I always want to I always want to look into that uh Kurt Cobain and what's the other woman I'm sorry Courtney Love Courtney Love I always wanted to look into that one and I've never never really given it a fair shake, looked into it. Is there any evidence? Is that one you've taken a peek at? I've never heard any evidence. They're all just kind of like, I don't know. I don't know. I've never heard of anything that really pointed toward her other than she's sort of attached herself to him and his memory and maybe made a bit of a career off that not that she's not a good performer her uh what's that and she was in it's like one word it's like garbage or trash or something like that i can't sounds good no she was good i i've liked her uh her acting

before she i remember she was part of that early wave of reality tv oh that's what it is um yeah back in the first wave of reality tv on mtv and well maybe the second wave after real world when you had breaking bonaduce you ever see breaking bonaduce that's the most hardcore reality show of all time. Danny Bonaduce, former child star, grew up to be a skateboarding alcoholic with rage issues. Okay? This motherfucker straight up, he takes a bottle of absolute vodka and drinks it sitting there in his state of rage and sadness over like, yes.

He drinks a big bottle of vodka and then he rides his skateboard straight into traffic and like he was crazy he'd go into these rages we're jealous of his like it's been 20 years but his wife ex-wife situation was kind of weird like he was he was having a meltdown over some sort of separation or potential separation with her and drinking constantly and he would go into these red-faced violent rages all the time there's one season of that show i think yeah i'm breaking on a duty i remember when that was on and i never left it on because all i watched on like mtv and vh1 at the time was when jackass or is what jackass wild boys or viva la bam if one of those was on i

was watching those channels but other than those three i'd be like oh fuck some bullshit reality show i wanted to watch bam and the gang fucking light things on fire and be be ruffians because i thought that was so cool i thought bam and steve-o and like chris ponius were like like that whole game i thought they were so fucking cool when i was like in middle school. It's shocking. I mean, they were emulate them. They were cool. Cause here's the thing.

They were like early twenties guys. Some of them were professional skateboarders and had already like made significant amounts of money in that world. And some of them were videographers and some of them had that MTV thing going on and they all had this like coalesce together and just like wait they're gonna pay us to to cut the living room floor out and build a trampoline underneath it all right let's fucking go wait what about your parents fuck them fuck them i bankrolled their life put a half pipe in the dining room i remember that that's what it was yeah they would do crazy shit like that and it was neat it was almost like uh like richie rich or something one of those like cartoons as a kid where the child

for some reason had way too much money and power and so they were able to just do silly things that was bam margera they were like 20 like mid-20s or whatever early 20s but they were doing stuff with their money that like me as a 13 year old was like, Oh, this rocks. They're going to sled down their stairs and break the, uh, the fucking screen door. Right out the door. Yeah,

that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Or putting, you know, in the, in the movie when they put the crocodile or alligator or whatever in the, in the house and like all that shit to me as a kid was just,

these are the coolest guys. Have you ever followed a reality show really closely like i never really got into them like how closely like like obviously we watch um 30 days 60 days in you know and i watch every episode but i don't really get into their social media and care what they're i don't care what they're like in the real world like their social media and shit like that like i've never i've never cared enough i guess dude speaking of reality shows uh fish tank season two is back on right now the same yeah the sam hyde jet neptune project where uh they bring a bunch of people in big brother style it's basically big brother but

with a bunch of really brutal sound effects and tts's being fired off in there. And they like, from what I've watched so far, like it's 24 seven. So you can't really like, unless you're sitting there all fucking day, you can't really keep up. So thankfully there's like season one, there weren't as many like compilation Twitter accounts and whatnot,

but now it's like, you can follow. I followed a few people who like, we'll be like, here's a clip of summer fighting with JT over this at 11 57 p.m it's like all right i can kind of catch up they like the set is incredible they did a great job like doing up the whole house 70s style instead of jason goldstriker you know sam hyde's character now he's judge jebediah goldstriker and he fades in and out of a really

rough western accent almost like he's not even trying which is i am i assume part of the joke but he's still doing the same thing of breaking things around them he's wearing he's already like six five and he's wearing cowboy boots just enormous around all these people though i saw a couple clips of like the girls on the show being like i'm so scared of the judge they're like what do you think he's gonna do and they're like i don't know but he came in and he just started talking to me and then kicked a dresser to smithereens yeah like this is one of the rooms like they have like a 70s style room they put them all in 70s style clothes. There's a Japanese guy who really has a tenuous grasp of English conversationally.

And so something will happen and he'll be like, I not only understood 10% of that conversation. And that guy's been hilarious. They really upped the... I thought the season one participants were pretty loony, pretty loopy. But they've upped it a bit to where it's only like four days in. And one of the girls in particular is absolutely falling apart. He had them do a beginner's. He brought in a martial arts instructor and had them do like a.

One of the girls is falling apart. One of the girls. Yeah, Summer. She's falling apart. And I don't remember what day it was but i saw the clips he had a a beginner karate class for all these people put them all in geese and everything and after like however long of a beginner she's asian right no she's white oh yeah there's only there's two there's an asian girl and an asian guy from japan but this girl the one that's losing her shit is white. And after like half an hour.

Yeah, there's there's the fish. Frank, I guess like missing persons. They are now. Frank didn't show up. So there's a different guy there now. The black guy there, Frank, he's not a part of it. But yeah, the one summer, if you bring that back up, number five. She's the one who at the like maybe 25 minutes into karate class like started having a histrionic panic attack and was like vomiting and like throwing up and so like seemingly every time

she does even a little bit of exercise she vomits or she just gets so stressed out she vomits and people are rapidly becoming sick of her shit oh really rapidly she's becoming my favorite she's it's like having a fainting goat on the show like that's right she throws up yeah wait when we get to the eating contest dude she she like there was a great clip of sam dressed like pull up a picture of how sam is dressed like a he's directly woody from toy story and three inch lifts and this girl was vomiting in the fucking bathroom and sam's like oh you okay she's like i threw up and he's like laughing like that's insane meet me in bedroom one and so then he goes into bedroom one and hides in the closet and so she comes in and he just bursts out like are you doing okay like he's just trying to scare her a little bit more very funny very funny stuff i'm enjoying it

where is fish tank dot live is where you go you got to make a little account and then you can you can watch it is there any indication on where they're filming or like what kind of house they're in i don't know where they're filming, but the house itself is really like the set's really fucking nice. Try and find a real picture of him, not the cartoon one. But yeah, the set itself is really nice. They clearly put a lot more effort into it. They have like a little little garden area. Yeah.

And he's just he's just doing what he does, which is barreling around, scaring the shit out of these people. And it's really, really entertaining. So I'm two thumbs up so far from what I've seen of fish tank season two. If you're looking for a good little thing to follow along with, making them do activities that are meaningless, making them work out, making them have fashion shows like lying and being like one of you is an infiltrator find the infiltrator and i don't think i don't know if there's an infiltrator or not but he keeps like confusing them that way uh it's it's really fucking funny when he was on i was saying like i would want to do this in texas like in a in a remote area and i would buy like three or four single wide trailers for cheap and have them taken out there and connect them together into some sort of pod or maybe like imagine if you took four single wide trailers and put them end to end so you have a mega

long trailer and it's like that movie snowpiercer the very back is the worst and you've got to like earn your way forward. And each room is like another challenge. And you have to live in those rooms. Alright, you're living in the gold room now. There's no food in here. No food in here at all. That'd be a good idea.

I like what he's done. I hope it makes enough money that he just keeps doing these and they get more and more elaborate. That's the beauty of Mr. Beast. Every time you're able to do millions of dollars in production value and apparently save Africa, build them wells and shit. Just wild shit like that. So I hope that he uses a similar tactic to just build scarier

and weird and bizarre environments. The chat itself is like probably the funniest part of it like the text to speeches are great they do a good job monitoring that to like make it fun but also not like discourage people too much because if you just let it go unfettered it wouldn't be that fun you just have people getting roasted but there was this one like there's this fat girl on there and she wasn't doing anything. People are the whole chat was like, oh, this fucking bitch. She's just boring as hell.

Just sitting in a room. She doesn't do anything. And I think one of the the the producers was like, you got to start doing something. You got to start doing something and keep people entertained. You see, everybody else is gaining little fan groups. You don't have one yet. And so she like went up into some bedroom and like just pissed in a cup. And then is like,

now she's like leaving piss cups around the house. And she's this like fat frumpy girl. And so like now there's discussions where like her piss cup will be found. And like one of the detective Cole, this guy who's like clearly a little bit autistic and likes investigating things. They'll be like, Cole, we need you on the piss cup case.

And he'll be in front of the pissing fat girl. And not one person has accused the fat, frumpy girl of pissing in the cup so far. So she's creating mayhem. She's great. I think Megan's great now. Now she's pissing in cups and she's talking to the camera. She's like, I want to throw the piss

on this guy's stuff, but he sleeps right next to his stuff. So I don't know when I could get over there to throw the piss on it. And immediately the chat is like,

piss queen! Our piss queen! Just being like, content! This is great! It's so fucking funny. So now the piss queen is out and she's

found her little niche hopefully gonna piss on more things upset people the one girl keeps vomiting the asian guy is just coming out with great stories where he has the thickest japanese accent he'll be like when i saw when i live in japan i work and now i go to school amer America. I briefly in briefly in Japan, I work as a prostitute. And so I was a prostitute in Japan. And they're like, were you a top or a bi? He's like, oh, for women. Women only.

Only the women. Okay. So he's a Japanese porn star, guess who knows you know I imagine those will crop up eventually these these viewers are very very the first still image I saw was the Japanese girl wearing a gi and I was like I thought he had come up with racist outfits for them all and there was going to be a Mexican guy as like a field laborer or something and like I and there was going to be a mexican guy as like a field laborer or something and like i thought that was going to be the bit but then i dug deeper and saw they're doing karate training or something i still like my idea better but but i love what he's doing in

general he's bullied the asian girl a good bit and she's taken it well so far like he uh went in to tell a story to all the fish like at their little fish bar where they were drinking and whatnot and she just asked like some semi-innocent question early in the story and he was like get the fuck out of here get the fuck out of here they're like the whole gaggles around and he's like get out of here and she like backs up a bit he's like no in the other room i don't want you in here i'm not going to tell this story if you're in here and then you can just you can just click to the other camera it's just some asian girl sitting there by herself in the other room it's it's really is there any interactivity because my favorite thing i decided ever did

was he had that robot that the viewers could pay to control and it had steak knives attached to it like the ones you cut up your steak not the ones you'd like cut a roast with and uh and you could poke people with it superficially, of course, and you could also get an undergirl's skirts to potentially do an upskirt. I think that robot made a ton of money.

They don't have any robots, but you can obviously do the text-to-speech. You can play sound effects. They're playing the vomit sound effect a lot for that vomit girl trying to coax her into it but i think uh the the mass shooting sound effect might be the one that makes me laugh the most because it's just like blood curdling screams and like bullets the whole time

just like bullet sounds and all that and it goes on for like a minute and it's very upsetting to the fish clearly and so it's like four days in they're going to continue to lose their mind they're going to lose a little bit i mean it's like psychological like they're they're pulling psych shit on them where it's like deprive them of sleep keep them inside like behave as the you know like sam is behaving like erratically where He'll come in sometimes on a mission and other times be like, oh no, you guys are doing great. You're doing great. You can see the girls in the show who don't have

father figures kind of buddying up to him almost. I want to make Judge proud of my performance on the show. It's very, very funny. Fishtank Season 2. Fishtank.live. Check that out. It's entertaining, very funny. So I, uh, Fishtank season two, fishtank.live, check that out. It's entertaining.

You guys ready for trivia? Oh, I'm ready. I'm ready for trivia. I got my fucking silly little LCD pad. I'm a fucking, that's definitely like the Chinese knockoff version. Woody's got the cool one. I'm upset now. I don't know if that's true.

Mine feels like I could break it with my bare hands, no problem. I know for sure I can. You could shatter it? I mean, I could break a lot of shit with your bare hands. I've seen your Tinder profile. Well, I mean, this one in particular is just real flimsy. I mean, we can get to Bendy Town right away, but I'm

prepared, all right? There's going to be no three-peat because hopefully there's been... would be first of all it would be a five pete but i gotta i gotta find my uh market what are you counting some of the games of lethal company you've been playing every one of his wins deserve an asterisk he misspelled the one guy's name for the final question um and then there was a oh and then i wasn't given credit when uh for a question. Double asterisk. I'm not sure he's won any legitimately.

For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That Pokemon thing was nonsense. Or Yu-Gi-Oh. That Yu-Gi-Oh was nonsense. Although I like Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh, we don't have any of that shit in this. I got one question fed to me, and that was like, what's Chiz's favorite episode of fucking Twilight Zone?

One point. fed to me and that was like what's chiz's favorite episode of fucking twilight zone one point he got like a 10 question yugioh thing and i'd never i couldn't pick a yugioh out of a goddamn lineup some japanese trading card game 1994 when i did my questions i made sure to make that none of the questions were like potential 11 pointers like i think i said name every senator you can winner gets the point right it wasn't a 13-point question. There's three questions in here that have multiple answers. I'm thinking one point if you get all of the answers. There are six possible answers.

If you get one wrong, you get one wrong. You don't get the answer. Okay. I think that's kind of the most straightforward way to go about it. I think tonight Taylor goes down. I don't think Taylor's ever won a game game i just made a strong case for that no you're a sore loser you're tired of my my dominant win streak i'm alabama and georgia you're fucking vanderbilt alabama will lose to georgia and i'm Alabama. Then I'm Georgia. No, wait. Alabama beat Georgia.

Which TV show? Real Men, No Tribute. Okay. All right. We're brought to you by Lock and Load, obviously. Hotloads. Love it. Thank you, Zach.

Yep. I got you. No worries. So which TV show also created this problem with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? A, Rick and Morty. B, Strawberry Shortcake. C, Daredevil. Or D. The Boys

TV show created this problem Yeah, the problem of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles What created them? Yeah, I'm ready when you're I'm ready too I guess I'll be ready C. Daredevil It's the same

It's the same toxic ooze that blinded Daredevil and gave him his abilities, went down the drain, created the tip hurdles. Just so we know, this isn't a regulation match. This is an exhibition match. It doesn't count. This is winner take all. This is the Cub Stain Cup!

Alright? The Cub Stain Cup. This is a ball game. This determines who the real genius on the show is. This isn't the Orange Bowl. All right. The cum. We're even talking. This determines who the real genius on the show is. Yeah, but this isn't the Orange Bowl. This is the fucking cum load bowl. Welcome to the 2023 Lock and Load League. What is the square root of 69? I'm ready.

Wait, what? How? wait what how you guys ready the square i'm not ready 69 clearly as we look the funnel as kyle and i give confused glances to one another what is the square root of 69? At least 8. Yeah, it's like 8.2? You're close. You're right. It's 8 something. 8 something. That's the joke. I guessed 8.2. I just said 8.2, so I'll stick by it. Close enough. It's good enough. We're good. I guessed 8-2. I just said 8-2, so I'll stick by it. Close enough.

That's good enough. We're good. Oh, good enough. Yeah. That's my kind of trivia. Close enough. Close enough. Boom.

Does 8-something get it too? Because that's a travesty question. That's exactly what I wrote was 8-something. You ate something. Yeah. Oh, it's a joke. 8 ate something. Yeah. Nine, eight. This is a dad joke. I didn't get that. I'm trying to do mathematics over here.

Forgive me. I know. I was trying to look into the ether. Where is the wit, man? Are the Avengers, do they have a base in World War II? Wait, do they have a basis in World War II? Wait, do they have a basis in World War II? Do the Avengers happen in World War II? Do the Avengers have a basis in World War II?

You mean, did they? Well, was there a team known as the Avengers during World War II? And is that the start of the story that they used for the Avengers? Fuck, there's a lot of superhero shit. I don't know about this. Alright, I'm ready. I'm ready. Alright. Yes? I'm gonna say no.

It is yes. You fucking idiot. You didn't even know about the World War II Avengers. How so? Are you talking about Captain America's propaganda? They called like the something they're called like the something bastards or something there was something with propaganda and then there was also a team within i believe the uh fucking one of the branches of the military

that were known as the avengers and they literally went are we talking about marvel or real life marvel and real life. You missed the question. Move on. He doesn't even know the answer. No, I just told you. He knows it was yes and true. He's like, there was some kind of group. Is the nightmare on Elm Street based on an event?

You know, yes has treated me well. No. Yes. Yes. Yes, it actually is. A bunch of migrants came over to the United States and they were found to die in their sleep based off of nightmares. and then there was also the conspiracy problem with the uh changing of freddie no longer being a pedo during the first movie because of the release coinciding with somebody being abducted by somebody they should have kept him a pedophile that makes it much scarier

yep but the migrants dying of nightmares that's that's where yes that's where the the basis how Friday came from. How many times do you need to be told this? What? You're false. Christopher Columbus discovered the United States first. Well, I mean, no one even knows the answer to that.

Well, I mean, they know that it's false. Kyle, you've missed two no's. You need to ride with yes. I'm sorry sorry I put false not true it was Leif Erikson I wrote false happy Leif Erikson day

who's to say it was Leif Erikson we don't know okay how many states have legalized weed 13 b29 c24 d17 at some level of legalization

oh so like medical counts here yes medical counts here okay well then i gotta i gotta there's no way in hell this many states actually has fully legal weed all right now kyle has to travel all the way to illinois is it 24 There is no way in hell this many states actually has fully legal weed. All right. Kyle has to travel all the way to Illinois.

Is it 24 or 29? I think it's 29. Oh, it's 24? Fuck. The fucking South ruined me on that one. I thought for sure. The South will go down. They are definitely not high enough. What restaurant did FPS Russia go to in a tank?

I don't remember. Kyle, where'd you go? Where was that second? I did it twice. But I don't remember where the second one was. I know I'm ready to reveal my answer hold on

fuck I don't know if none of these is right White Castle for me and Woody White Castle for one of them that thumbnail is White Castle I don't remember if was there a McDonald's? I think there might have been.

No, that's revisionist history. I mean, it's me. I'm pretty sure I went to McDonald's. Woody, you know about FPS pressure. I'm pretty sure I went to McDonald's. No, let's give me and Woody a point on that one. Actually, let's give Kyle one too because he probably did go to McDonald's.

Yeah, he probably did. Actually, wait, wait, wait. Did you go there in a tank? There's also private videos and everything else, so finding out full on... I think I went... I'm not even sure I Did you go there in a tank? There's also private videos and everything else, so finding out full on. I'm not even sure I went to White Castle in the tank. It may have been the APC at White Castle. It was one of those tanks like this.

We want to split hairs. We don't need to ask, Linton. During Epic Mealtime, what did they eat off of, and this wasn't a food implement? Oh. I know this one. Do yes which time well it's the famous picture it's right at the end of what i think i think he's referring to the video you did with them kyle yes the video that you did with Epic Mealtime. Well, there was three of them.

No, the one he's referring to. I'm going to say A. I said B. I know my glare is bad. What is it? A. It wasn't though. What is it? Yes.

It wasn't a bayonet. It wasn't though. Was it the barrel then? It was a big knife. No, it was a bayonet. And then one of the Epic Meal Time guys accidentally packed that big expensive knife in their luggage and then cut himself

when he was getting it back out. Those Canadians, they can't handle serious blades. that big expensive knife in their luggage and then cut himself. Those Canadians, they can't handle serious blades. We ain't have a sled when we did the one at Killington. Okay. What was the first gun FPS Russia did a video on? Man, I think I know.

I don't fucking know. Uh, actually. I don't remember that are we talking about when uh the the video i submitted for machinimas it's first of all i don't know why this is all about me but we want the video that i submitted for uh premier director or whatever to mission so this is the first gun video that is on the fps russia oh see that's a whole other uh question the machinima respawn and machinima channel are absolutely gone they're deleted what was everything yeah i i upload okay i think i uploaded it it doesn't matter i i um i think this video might have been uploaded both places if i remember correctly but that's uh my memory i'm just going to say it was an ak i have no idea it is i thought it was that

50 caliber revolver i thought it was an mp5 that it is a desert eagle okay no one gets it i believe he had an mp5 in the uh fps russia returned video which is the first video on his channel i think woody and i were close enough i mean we're not even fps and king of the hill He had an MP5 in the FPS Russia Returns video, which is the first video on his channel. I think Woody and I were close enough. I mean, we're not even FPS Russia. In King of the Hill, what is Cotton's toddler's name? Okay. I have no idea.

I put Duke. It seems like something they'd name. GH, a.k.a. Good Hank. G-H. Dad, you already have a son named Hank. This is Good Hank. What are the scores? That makes me B-H. I am actually updating

them as we go. Currently, we are 7-6. How am I behind now? It has to do with intelligence. Or my retardation. We're not sure which. It's performance-based.

Spell the lead actor's full name from Home Alone. No! This is not fair. It is absolutely fair, Woody. Remember, you had your full entire quiz all by yourself. I didn't participate, though. Is that how you spell it?

The spelling question obviously goes to Taylor. Yeah, this thing is stacked in Taylor's favor. What a bunch of bullshit. That's true. Okay, I guess this is my best effort. This is mine too. I don't read it out loud. You guys tell me who's correct.

So I thought it was M-A-C-U-L-K-E-Y. Nope. I thought it was M- Excuse me. No, that's not what I wrote. McCully. M-A-c-u-l-l-e-y is what i wrote m-a-c-k-a-u-l-a-y-c-u-l-k-i-n nope fuck m-c-u-l-l-y-c-u-l-k-i-n okay it is m-a-c-a-U-L-A-Y. Oh, I added the K. Yep. Oh, I needed that one. I knew that one was for you. Yeah, he put in a fucking spelling question.

Okay, guys, how many parts did Ford sell as bulletproof? Quote, unquote. How many parts? Kyle has mentioned this many parts as bulletproof through his assassin stories on how he sold Ford cars. These are interesting trivia questions. I had to come up with things last minute as I was also

your hard work and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Oh damn, I said three two and you said something about windshields there's just I think we should all get one on that we all tried

alright I mean I feel like I'm okay the belts definitely were which Emma was in Spider-Man Stone or Watson how am I supposed to fucking know this watch the fucking movies alright I got my guess How am I supposed to fucking know this? Watch the fucking movies.

Alright, I got my guess. Oh, thank God. Oh, you guys could have pulled away there. That would have been rough. If there's another spelling one that isn't about some fucking weirdo's name and it's a word, I think I'm going to catch up. As long as it's something difficult that Woody and

Kyle won't also get. Conundrum. That's easy. That's almost fanatic. This Russian YouTuber has a secret family that he told to an addict. How many kids does he have? This Russian YouTuber has a secret family. A secret family

told to an addict. Wait, the Russian with a secret family told an addict how many kids he has yes how many kids does that russian youtuber have i have no i don't know you absolutely should i got it okay five three it is three who who are you talking about i have no idea three kids to uh fucking what the hell is that burnout's name oh my god you're referring to the time that i lied to that drug addict and told him i had three kids because he he was like kyle do you have he went to taylor do you have kids so i was like no then you could never understand like kyle do you have kids i'm could never understand Kyle do you have kids

I'm like I got three other motherfuckers and you're still crazy he's like shit that was one of my favorite ad libs of yours just seamlessly I have three children if he would have asked their names you would have come up with backstories on the fly that would have been great

damn it if you would have said Kyle lied to this idiot about how many kids he had. It's about how the quiz master works things sometimes. Yep. Which of these are not medicine in 1800? Dr. Pepper, heroin, milk, cocaine, fat off obesity cream and motor oil. Fat off obesity cream is so dumb. It might be a thing.

fat alpha obesity cream is so dumb it might be a thing remember you have to get all of the correct answers and not the wrong one to get the point wait we have all the good ones down more than one is not medicine it appears one of these are not medicine at least so one of them is medicine at least one of them is medicine in the 1800s. Would you like a list of the medicines or the ones that are not medicines? These are not medicines. I'm going to write down a list of things on this page that are not

medicines in the 1800s. No, Kyle, you're writing what are the medicines. Shut the fuck up. I think I got a good Yes. No, Kyle, you're writing what are the medicines. Shut the fuck up. All right. I think I got a good guess here. I mean, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to say motor oil because I don't. Motor oil, fat off, and milk.

I think the other, like Dr. Pepper, heroin, and cocaine were all definitely medicine. I just put milk. It is just motor oil.yle's right christ this isn't a regulation trivia game this doesn't count no and especially breast milk was given to pregnant mothers during giving birth as a way to ease their pain oh i'm sick again he's just horny first person shooter fortnight resident evil blackout tarkov rainbow six and pub g i haven't He's just horny. Which one of these is not a first-person shooter? Fortnite, Resident Evil, Blackout, Tarkov, Rainbow Six, and PUBG. I haven't played a single one of these games. Okay, Fortnite.

I think that's a first-person shooter. Taylor, these were all number one games for about the past 10 years. I know, and I haven't played any of them. Rainbow Six, I'm almost positive that's the first-person. And it could be multiples right yes isn't resident evil first person i don't know what blackout is i don't know what blackout is either but it's the call of duty um um but god already all right yeah don't you first call of duty about it oriole oh i think i know this yeah i i hope i do i'm ready i'm ready all right i'll say resident evil same i put resident evil and fortnite oh i thought for you as a person pub g is also third person

yeah but it's it's split PUBG is also a third person. Yeah, but it's... It's split now, but it was third person at first. Right? No, they always had both modes. Then Woody is absolutely right then. By the way, he's the one that's right.

Okay, what was his? He said Resident Evil and... Fortnite. Is Fortnite third person? Fortnite is absolutely third person. Resident Evil is third person. PUBG is the one that was both.

There better be a lot of NHL questions coming up. Absolutely not. I don't watch hockey. Sorry. Which of these movies use time travel? Inception. In the bag. Got it. Is there Harry Potter, Inception, Terminator, it click and Bruce almighty. Okay. Okay. it click and bruce almighty okay okay

can i write the ones that aren't no because that seems wait that is my fault it's a long list it's like all of them damn i should have watched terminator for the listener it's harry potter inception terminator it click bruce almighty click Bruce Almighty. See, I'm worried about the specificity of this question. Do you mean that the character is traveling through time or do you mean that it has...

They use time travel as a plot device to move the movie. So like flash forwards and flashbacks wouldn't count because they're not actually time traveling. Exactly. Okay. It is then directly moving through time to change

things or see things. Okay. I guess I guess I worded it incorrectly. I don't know. These are the only three Harry Potter Term Terminator, and Click. Bruce Almighty, Click, Harry Potter, Inception. I thought all of them did.

Taylor's right. That's miraculous. Don't be too for that one, Zach. No. What do they do in Bruce Almighty? I believe you. i just don't remember there is two scenes that i remember specifically he drives the selena seven back

and forth in front of the cars and he reverses time back and forth after he finds out he's got and then yeah i think the moon go forward too yeah there was some and i think there's also something about a dog pissing on a bush that he does like two or three times as well i don't remember little things, but it's definitely time. Yeah, they did some kind of time thing. Boom big win big win on that one for me pick the actual car brands Opel

W Suzuki Hyundai Holden and Kiwi Okay lay up on Hyundai Yeah, right? All these are layups. Well, if you're a master carsman.

Okay. I only have a somewhat educated guess, but I'm ready whenever. I'm ready. I'm going to get this one say hyundai suzuki opal oh i don't have opal okay so kyle and taylor would get the point and they both have screen that's no wrongs uh also holden is a brand for chevy in australia and suzuki also sells some

mid-sized cars and shit like that. I knew Suzuki had cars. You see those in documentaries in Japan and stuff where they're tooling around in those little SUVs. I don't know what Opel is, but I've watched enough of Jeremy Clarkson on that show. Small little sports car.

Today we're looking at an Opel. Yeah, same. W is Volkswagen's sports car brand that's next to the body which of these cod guns were never used in an actual war the psg1 the scar the m249 and the m8a1 fuck i don't know what all right easy scar scar was probably fucking shooting around i don't know what m8a1 and okay i don't know what the rest of them are the m8 was the uh four round burst from

black ops 2 all right wild guess i also put d eventually it is d yes taylor's so stupid is that the uh is that the one that had like that uh that ammo that's sort of stacked in rods that is the d11 that m8a1 is the XM8 that was never fully brought to production. Okay. Okay.

I think I know what it looks like. It's anywhere. Which country were never... Which country were our enemies in both World War I and World War II? Italy, Japan, Russia, and France. All right. I got this Russia, and France. All right. I got this one, I think. Only one answer.

But it is one of these, or could it be none? It could be none. I have my guess. I mean, I'll say Italy I also said Italy Russia is Russia was against us at the end of World War I

and the beginning of World War II Italy was in the middle of World War I Russia was our ally the whole there was no declaration of war. They were. Not against us, but our team, yes. We got to remove a point from Kyle and Woody on this one.

I wanted to say none! I had none written, and I was like, but it's one of these? And he was like, yes. It's got to be Italy, maybe? No, Russia. Throughout all the fighting part. You hush. We know we can hear you from left to right.

They had a non-aggression pact with Germany, but they didn't declare war on the Western powers, the Allied powers, which I think... And then they started moving to Poland. With Germany on the other side. All right. I got to guess here. Which sex toy brand is fake?

Love Sense. Which sex toy brand is fake? A, Love Sense, B, Bad Dragon, C, Me Vibe, or D, Buzz? I need to phone a friend. Kyle, which one is it? Well, I've got it narrowed down to two. Me too. Yeah, shucks.

You're in the same boat as me. I'm going to go with... Let me... I love this little erasing button. All right, I'm good. Going me vibe. I'm going buzz. I also went buzz, D.

It is C, me vibe. D is actually a dick numbing cream that makes it so you don't cum. Oh, that's why Taylor knew. Okay. Are you C? Well, no, I knew because I'm always squatting on giant bad dragons. You gotta

numb that asshole, man. Yeah, and I gotta numb my ass with buzz. Alright. This camel had a hilarious name. They currently reside in Texas. What's its name? This camel had a hilarious name the kooky camel uh is it the cigarette one might be yes no they wouldn't say yes

all right taylor you know what do you don't i don't i don't know it. But don't show yet. Hold on. I might... Five, four, three... You're not the arbiter of the trivia. One. All right. Sushi. It is sushi. Damn. All that sex toy winnings lost. Sometimes it's probably something I'm tailoring.

It's a burden. You missed the spelling one. Come on now, guys. We all did. That was hard. I thought there had to be a K in there okay what is the most widely used fake language pig latin that's what I was going to write

it's okay according to Zach I have the answer pig latin hang on he says pig lat. I say Klingon. I said Pig Latin. It is Klingon by the Guinness Book of World Records. Thank you, Zach.

Thank you, Zach. That's a bullshit bang. Oogay. Our gag. Final Jeopardy. Final Jeopardy. All right. so okay our gag final jeopardy final jeopardy all right yep is a so call of duty maps is the topic it is a number and you can give me two names if you feel like that

it is you can learn can you learn pig latin on duolingo because you can learn klingon names if you feel like that. There's no way. It is. Can you learn Pig Latin on Duolingo? Because you can learn Klingon. Boom. Fair. You can learn Pig Latin. What's the question? First of all, I wrote how many points I want to bet down.

Oh, I'm sorry. I missed something. This is Final Jeopardy. You were writing how many points you're wagering. Kyle, you're at 14. Taylor, you're at 10. Wager them all, Kyle. Wager them all. I'm not going to wager any. It's called Duty Maps.

Are you going to show us pictures of maps and we have to come up with the names of them? No. You've done something with these maps. You have to tell me how many and what their names are for double points. If it's not top four, I'm fucked. I got my wager down. I'm ready.

These pussy boys are going to put zero down. I feel like I'm being stupid, but I'm giving some thought into how many points I want to wager here. I've never really considered if there's a strategy. Kyle, you're leading. What are you going to do? Bet them all, Kyle. Bet it all.

Bet the house. Get it going. Yeah, I think I'm going to bet nothing. You should bet at least nine. Why would I bet any? Because you're going to get it right because woody at least has a chance to get it right and he'll overtake you well let's hope not ready okay at zero

cling on yeah what call of duty maps did pka play paintball on fuck What Call of Duty maps did PGA play paintball on? Fuck. They have been mentioned in episodes. You guys all have made vlogs on them, and you guys were there. I don't know if Taylor was at one of them. Well, then I need a bonus couple points just to even the score. It's plural? Yes.

So at least two. I only know one of them. I know one of them easy, and I feel like I'll figure out the other if I just think a little longer. I got you. I don't think so. I think my nothing wager is going to pay dividends here in the final rounds. Finally.

Finally. Can I get rid of that? I think I got a better one. No, that doesn't make any sense. Shucks. Filthy Robot was there. It was in that big airplane map on cod 4 why would you help cod why would you why are you helping him he's trying to figure out the last clue

don't don't say it out loud uh scrapping so hard no scrapyard was not on call of duty for you hush i'm fucking with Taylor. The scrapyard was a map with an airplane on it. I appreciate you keeping this. That's good. No, what call of duties are they from? All right.

I got a couple of guesses. All right. Um, I go crash and shipment. Taylor, you're, you're down to three. Oh, Newtown and shipment taylor you you're down to three nuketown and shipment you have one of those answers correct uh i think it was back to zero i think it was nuketown and uh scrapyard and i wagered nothing

kyle is right scrapyard was at COD XP and Nuketown was at Paintball during one of the Paintball trips. Oh, shucks. I remember. Say it out loud for me. Taylor was like, hey, what was that other map we played on? He said from COD 4. And I was like, I'm going to throw him off because he's going to think of this.

You did. You threw me off. I didn't. Fuck. This isn't't regulation none of this matters no I'm not Zach and Post removed this entire section victory music god damn it no no

you just won the fucking red delicious apple bowl that no one cares about that was the cum cup I'll have you know the first inaugural tune in next year december 21st and we'll we'll have the second cum cup until then i am the champion hey what do you miss take him down to zero because i i got second at least that's fair that's four that's five no four victories and a. Fine. You snuck up on me this one time, Kyle.

It's not going to happen again. You know, winners don't make excuses. Half of the questions were, what did Kyle do this day? I got to say, it was a big time. I don't know what those questions were. I didn't pay Zach to do that to y'all. I don't know what happened. I was embarrassed to say anything halfway through.

I was never going to, because I was like, what if I lose the Kyle trivia game? What the fuck is that? Oh my, that would be terrible. Can you imagine the tantrum you would have thrown if like the questions were, what is the correct Age of Empires II build order when playing the Hindu Stannis?

That's what it felt a little bit like. Thank you, Zach, for making this trivia. That was good. Thank you, Zach. I'm a little frustrated that you came in that hard with the spelling. Sometimes you have an off night. It's all right.

Spell better next time. I remember when Taylor was good at this game. He's kind of lost it. What if you need anybody to spell any names for you you hit up zach because uh he's the one this guy here is old news with the spelling game yeah i'm yeah worthless in the spelling game washed washed oh there was a k in there they call it mac i wrote with the c at first and i was like no that's a hard k sound that wouldn't be from a single C. Taylor, you sound like a hairy

gooch retard right now. I am a hairy gooch retard right now. I'm sitting here feeling like a retard with the hairiest gooch you ever did see. Just dripping. My gooch is dripping with stress sweat of losing trivia.

That's a damn shame. Damn shame. It was difficult trivia because I know for a fact I never played on Scrapyard. I didn't do that. I didn't want to get messy. We were dressed up. It was that cod. Really?

I played on Scrapyard. Yeah, I don't get shot with paintballs out there. I believe Woody was in Hex's vlog, and Woody also possibly vlogged the paintball event as well, which is where I remember it. Taylor, however, like, like I don't, I don't think he played at Newtown either. Were you at that one in the, it was the Chicago event.

The second one, not Joliet, but the one like in Chicago, Chicago, it was me and Chiz. Yeah, it was me, Chiz and Woody. No, I wasn't at that one. And so that's a little unfair, you know? Well, I mean, I still say that Russia question was whatever, but we could go back to you misspelling the final answer two games ago and just walking away with the cup while everybody was like,

sir, sir, you misspelled the final answer. You've got zero points left. I'm sorry. The commissioner, Chiz, who I could not have more respect for, had the right call there., had the right call there. He had the right call there. You're upset. Kyle, this is unbecoming of you.

Winners don't make excuses. I spelled it correctly, is all I'm saying. Did you understand? This is a fake contest because he's bitching about the real one. Get over it, man. You lost. It's okay. Graciously, I'm accepting defeat right now.

Try and emulate that. No, see, I'm trying to make you feel better. I'm trying to cajole you. I am trying to soften this blow by reminding you that you've felt this sting before, sir. It's only by the influence of your French is that

you just want to buy a couple games. This is my only feel of the sting. If I recall, you don't think of it, but you're a practice loser. You just don't know the cold fight the cold bite of failure has has many times clapped around your your your your hairy gooch i feel the strong balls of loss slapping my gooch right now got fucking hosed by the kyle question hour what was kyle's favorite meal in 2012 to be fair taco bell or something absurd though i didn't know that shit either like a lot of it was like he's like what he meant was like what was the last video i have of kyle's i saw i think it was funny like seeing you not know the answer to like what first

gun did you use because i knew immediately i'm like yeah if someone asked me what he got right i didn't want to say no idea i didn't want to say but i'm almost positive what he got it right i think it was an mp5 that i did because the first gun video uploaded was uh their machinima was doing that thing you know we're hiring a premier director and what they meant was they're they're giving Dr. Disrespect a job but they had everybody out try out for his job just so he could laugh at us I guess and so and I and I uploaded a video of uh I think shooting an mp5 and like sort of doing uh like oh this is mp5 from cold duty blah blah blah and like

i think that was mine i think it was mp5 long long long i remember um see i know i know that you mean like what's on there on there but but like i obviously deleted my first video and maybe my first 12 privates who the fuck knows what happened yeah i remember in particular the video kyle took he went to a gun range and i think he had an in with the gun range owner who would let him like borrow guns and stuff and then um like he would get that gun range so much traffic their website would crash if i recall and then he would use that same gun in game and i remember mp5 was one of the early ones so yeah there was still game footage he was he was a call of duty youtuber

at that point in fps rush's career i was trying to match down the gaming videos a lot of them oh yeah oh yeah yeah which is probably why it's not there yeah um uh yeah there was tons of gaming stuff you know i i like i thought that was a smart idea you kind of rebranded well yeah you're like as we the thing was um nobody from the gaming side cared right they were like yeah i'd rather see you shoot a real one you know like there's a lot of people shooting those fake ones and in the current call of duty right now but like nobody's shooting a real one go shoot a real one so nobody was like oh i wish you'd still camp in the airplane on terminal no one said that you know they were like i hope you hope you made a lot of money from that last video so we can buy more tanner art this time it's like yeah i did don't worry yeah and i got

a fucking pickup truck full of it yeah yeah and also like remembering um where i went to the tank like i don't remember that i mean i kind of remember making fun of the fat girl there was a fat girl at the checkout and i think i'm like riffing to the camera because like it's either ripped to the camera or sit here awkwardly while they prepare my order and i'm just like look at her hands like a bear How can they make profit here? She must eat five, ten pounds of hamburger per day. This is American woman. American woman, prime

example. We throw her in pogrom for being too fit. And then she hands me this giant sack of cheeseburgers and I'm disgusted handing them back. I think that was McDonald's, but I could be misremembering. I know at White Castle.

If it's a giant sack of burgers, it was probably White Castle. White Castle. Well, I was getting enough for everybody both times. But at White Castle, they just had repaved the parking lot there for the restaurant. And we ruined that shit with the tank. Because if you think about how a tank turns, one side goes left and one side goes right so that it can like do that rotating maneuver grinding it and it's so much torque that the the the things slip and you're supposed to have tracks on there that are made for asphalt like like i think when

you see like parades happen and stuff but that this one didn't have it so we hauled that thing there on a trailer and then took it off the trailer a block away and drove it onto their fucking place and ruined their shit. Easily 30 grand worth of like damages. And and so I was scared to even tweet at him, but they were like, oh, good. The guy on Twitter seemed OK with it. I don't know if he's having to pay for that parking lot. They got that Cravecase money. They're good. After we've I was't know if he's having to pay for that parking lot. They got that Cravecase money.

They're good. I was like, let's get the fuck out of here. Get that shit on the trailer. I'm driving. I'm leaving. I'm getting my little... This is probably pre-Camaro days, right? Because while it was... No, I didn't.

Because while it was my idea, I wanted to make sure they were on the hook. It's their tank. Do you still have that same Camaro? Yeah. The red one. You've gotten your money's worth out of that thing. Not a scratch on it.

Every time I think about buying a new car, I'm like, there's nothing wrong with my car. I don't really go anywhere. My girlfriend's got a really nice car. If I had a road trip or if I had a road trip or like if I had like truck shit to do. What's your girlfriend driving?

What's her address? Jackie needs a car. Is hers alright? It's a exotic, large SUV thing that I don't ask what the payment is. I don't ask.

I'm curious. Are you willing to tell us what the model is? Is that, um, maybe like a Acura Lexus, uh, type things. One of the big ones.

Um, but the Acura Lexus infinity fam mass family in that caliber. And in that caliber of motor vehicles, I suppose. But, um, but yeah, no, I still like my car.

I was driving today and I was like, I like this car. I go stick goes as fast as I want to go. And I like, it still looks good. I don't have a scratch on that thing. I got one dent on it and I went to the place. They,

they go like behind the dent and like squishing back out. I'm like, fix that. How'd you get there i don't know probably like a parking lot gremlin someone opened oh nothing like that no because i still park my like 10 year old car like away from everybody that's how i've kept from ever getting a dent aside if i got a dent in the side door i'd just buy a new car i swear to god if if like i got a dent in my side door i would would go buy a car that weak. There's not a dent in it. That would irk me to the max.

If I curved my wheels too bad, I would have to get it fixed. I have a car question for you, Kyle. Jackie found a car she likes. She seems to like the Honda Passport. It's a little bigger than the CR-V. She test drove it today. She sat high. She seemed to like it. At last. It's been a journey to find one that lit her fire.

Now I need to buy it and I'd like to get it at a good price. I was thinking of just hiring one of those car buying services to check with every dealer in the state and get the best price have you ever heard of them dealt with them do you have an opinion on them or you don't have to maybe you just don't know like what i always go back to is is when i was

selling cars like we had the invoice back there like when when you when we go away to do those numbers and everything there's not a big head scratcher back there. It's all basic math. It's at addition and subtraction. So they've got a slip back there that says what they paid for the vehicle. Plus, plus, plus on their end, you know,

they've got those little plus, plus pluses, just like you'll have on your end on their invoice. So they know what they're in that car for. I would just ask for that. Like when people asked for it we were like yeah all right we'll get it for you and it was it reminds me of my cousin vinny if you've ever seen that when joe pesci is for the first time ever doing criminal law and he doesn't understand

discovery the part where the the uh the uh the prosecutor gives you all the evidence that they've acquired against your client and says this hey, this is what we got. He doesn't understand that because he's not a real lawyer. He smoozed the other attorney and got one over on him. Yeah. So it's the – rewind me. Why am I making – I was asking about a car buying service and if they were a good idea.

Maybe you have a better one. So some people, when we would produce the invoice and be like, be like here's what we paid for they they'd have that sort of air about them like they're joe pesci and just talked us into providing discovery but that's what i would do i said look can i see the invoice on this car show me what you paid for it and let's talk about like a fair profit for you to make and look i'll pay your dealer fee okay that's what's eight hundred dollars probably um maybe more now i don't know but you're probably going to get stuck with that dealer fee but i would like i would want to see the invoice all right what'd you pay for this thing 39 000 and you want me to pay 49 like that's not gonna work or it's probably something like that there's

probably actually on that on a car like that there's probably only like depending on what if you get a fancy one. The fancier trim model, the more fat there is on there to trim as the trim level goes up. They're going to take $10,000 off. Probably get $5,000 or $6,000 or something like that. Best case scenario. When I bought the truck, I just went to Edmonds and there was, you could like pump in the features and it would say,

this is a good price. And I literally showed him, I was like, if you do this price, I'll, I'll buy it right now. I, you know,

before I leave the door, you'll have a check. I brought a check. There's a check in my pocket. And, uh, they were like, so if we match that price right now,

you'll buy it. And I was like, yeah. And he went back and they said yes. There was a little more to it, but that was basically how it went down. Yeah, that's fair. You could do that. Unless things have changed since I was doing this, I would feel I would want them to show me the invoice. If I'm buying a $50,000, $60,000 car, I'm like, hey, show me the invoice for If I'm buying a $50,000, $60,000 car, I'm like, hey, show me the invoice for this thing.

Let's see what you paid for it. I'm all about paying you a profit on this thing. I don't want you to lose money. But let's try to keep it controlled. I don't want to get my ass chewed. What is it, $1,000 profit on a $50,000 car? Is that fair? I think so.

That doesn't include the dealer fee, I guess. $1,000 plus. Of course, I would be like, alright, here's your invoice. Let's take $1,000 off that. Lose $1,000 to sell me a car. That would be my starting position. If you're going to bend over enough to show me the invoice, I'm not going to return the favor. We're not friends. I'm going to say, alright, take

$2,500 off. Alright, maybe take $1,000 off. You want us to lose $1,000 to sell you this car? No, I want you to lose $2,500. I'm going to say, all right, take $2,500 off. All right, maybe take $1,000 off. You want us to lose $1,000 to sell you this car? No, I want you to lose $2,500. I'm being nice. What are they going to do, make you leave? There's another Honda dealership 15 minutes away. Fuck them.

Yeah. That's a good point. I like to fight, too. Whenever my relatives are buying cars, I'm like, don't give in. There's going to be a moment where you feel like, don give in bring oh this guy something his job is to make you feel like you owe him something like don't don't fuck that guy fuck that i'm the opposite and and by the way so and you're different than me in this regard because let's say you're being interviewed by a detective i might be more clever than that detective, but he's a professional at this.

So I'm not better than him at this. It's in my best interest to bring an attorney in and help me. And that's how I feel when I'm negotiating with a car salesman. I might be clever. I might even be a better negotiator. But this isn't fair. I'm at his dealership trying to buy his car. I'm a sheep negotiating with a wolf and maybe that's why i was like i should maybe just pay someone under 500 or something to negotiate for me and i would be hesitant to do it but then there's the the thought that like now it's done like as soon as you give him the 500 you know you're getting a car and you're not getting ripped off.

I don't know. I would want that invoice and I would look at it and I would literally figure out how much money they're going to make off me. Because you've got the invoice, you kind of got everything. I'm stuck because you're a wolf negotiating with wolves because you've done this. I'm a sheep and I'm like

eh. I mean, you know, it's $50,000. It's nothing to you and it's everything to them. and i'm like uh and i mean you know it's fifty thousand dollars it's it's it's nothing to you and it's everything to them or seventy thousand i don't know what you're buying um but but but in the 50 you know i mean like you've got all the power here you know and it's not just that i'll walk away it's that i won't say yes you know i won't say yes i'm not i'm not gonna get swept up in the moment here just just so you know. I'm not. Yeah. I'm not. You're not going to sell the sizzle so well on my wife's future SUV that I. Right. On the Honda.

We're so over the moon on a fucking Honda Passport or whatever. Like, this is a very. 20% interest? I'm in. The extended warranty. I was going to give you a check, but I really want to finance because I want you to make a little extra on me. You know what?

Can I pay more a month if I put basically nothing down? Yes. Yes, I can. Can I get approved? Remember I said I showed them the price and there was a little bit more? That little more was this. They're like, if you finance, we'll take $1,000 off. And I was like, cool.

Well, he thought he was getting the $1,000. So I was like, what the? No, I financed this thing, so I get another $1,000 off. That's the deal. He's like, no, no, no, that's our $1,000. I was like, well, then I just won't. Here's a check. And eventually I got the $1,000.

Because I had no incentive to give him a thousand fucked off and then 30 days later i paid off the loan exactly i didn't pay any interest on that shit yeah i just took the thousand and kept it that's the other thing you know you want to take advantage of ford motor company was the one i had the most experience with but they had great stuff like that if you were going to finance with them and they had good rates you know back then it was zero or one it was you know it was stuff like that and if you had bad credit even it wasn't 20 yet you know like if you just had like 600s i'm telling this story like i beat the dealer i probably didn't the dealer probably got some credit for selling the financing and i beat ford you know some big company in michigan uh yeah the dealer's like

we sold a loan good for us yeah and and again like i've always said like maybe that finance officer has like a bonus that's triggered by a number of loans period like it doesn't matter if we're what what happens if they pay it off within a month do you you push 50 out this month oh ho three percent on the gross. There's a lot of unit bonuses like that, which is why if you want to get that super nitty-gritty good deal, you go at the end of the month when a big store is trying to get their 350th unit out, 500th unit out, and we sell 500 cars.

Ford gives us $75,000, period. will december is a slow month that they're having trouble making numbers and i bet they don't sell a lot of cars between christmas and new year's i'll roll up the next week yeah we sold i remember specifically losing a tremendous amount of money to sell somebody like a an f a king ranch f-250 or 350 one time because we just needed to push another one out the door. Like, as the salesman, I'm like, really? He'd give us more than this.

I'm still not making anything. It's nothing to me. Because we're losing. Once we're losing, I'm getting my flat pay on this. $50 fucking dollars. It doesn't matter. yes yeah i didn't realize how low it could be you should go back to selling cars now people would act like story engine would act like they were doing you a favor when you're making 50 and i'm like dude this is three

fucking hours for 50 i don't even feel like doing your paperwork right now you don't even fucking stamping your shit you're not you don't even know it's 50. I would tell them I had no, I would tell people straight up, like you wasted so much of my time, sir. I'm never selling to a white couple who walks in with the binder full of research. Again, I'm sending that customer to that asshole. I was 19 or I was 19, 20 years old. I had no chill about it. I'd be like, I was, I was like, I can't believe you did this. You did this to me today. This really sucks.

And then we talk about, I was like, you wasted my whole day. Waste of my whole day. That guy sold a car. That guy sold a car. Those guys, those guys are gonna be able to take money home to their wives this week. Not me. Not me. My wife is poor and she's dying.

Not me. I drove you around. I drove you around town and three different SUVs. Have a good day though. Have a good day. We stopped for your groceries, sir. Or even when you sell a car, if they just you know you didn't make any money again it's 50 fucking dollars but then sometimes you'd make like you know a thousand two thousand dollars per car profit we're like for like the sales you think it would be funny

if like i get i got in the car and you were showing it to me and i get on the highway and i start going faster and faster and i'm like i, I don't know, man. Nothing's going right. I'm just down the highway. I would be like, dude, you know what? I feel it. Could you let me out before you kill yourself? I fully support it, but could you let me out first? I don't want to go to heaven alone.

Hold my hand. That's when the fight begins. That's ding-ding for me. It's like, all right, we're not going out on your term. We're going to fight it out. We die fighting in this car. 60 or whatever. I had a boss that had gone on a test drive, and the dude pulled out a gun and was like, get the fuck out.

I'd get out. Really? Oh, he got the fuck out. Not like while I was working there, but he was telling me stories of his past. He lived in Detroit and sold cars inroit and talked about being taken on the test drive get the fuck out and like he's like he barely slowed down just like got out of the moving vehicle and then of course there was the the car that got stolen while we were refueling it at the bp across the street like a brand new fifty thousand dollar truck 20 years ago that just disappeared

it was like a Tony Soprano rollback operation or something they stole this running truck brand new just getting fueled up to take to the customer and like it just disappeared from the roads it was just gone they never recovered it it was like it went on a rollback truck or in some sort of

like A-team covered wagon shit and disappeared off the face of the earth. The dynamic when we buy a car is kind of so Jackie doesn't want to talk to the salesman. So but it's her car. We lay this out and he'll be like, hey, so what do you want? And she just looks at me and I'll be like, yeah, you know, we're looking for an SUV. We try to highly under this that they didn't light her fire. She likes to sit high.

What do you got? And then, you know, I'll be like, oh, you're buying a car soon? Jackie just looks at me. I answer the questions on her behalf. I do all the talking. She keeps deferring to me on everything. And then as soon as we start the test drive, there's this one thing about a car that's very important to her. She wants to be able to, from a stop sign, turn 90 degrees, full throttle, and zip into traffic without wheel spin.

This is a thing that she values. And, uh, that's why she likes sort of a V8 and if possible and all wheel drive because they do that. So, uh, here she is this like timid lady over 50 who doesn't want to talk the

whole time. And then as soon as the test drive starts, she puts it in sport mode, lays on the gas and rips off out of the dealership it's kind of funny to me if it spins out she's like this is ridiculous I'm no no pretty much this pussy mobile

it's got no guts yeah so call it a wrap the other moms are gonna call me a faggot if I drive like her first words oh that'd be gold damn this bitch has got like discord language

i don't like those ghetto ass wheels though put it on 20s don't you have that? Never mind. That's too funny. I had fun. Go check out Drifter's stuff. Appreciate him filling in for us. Congratulations on your win, Kyle Taylor. There goes the streak. It's okay. We'll be back. We'll be back.

Very good. Cup comes once a year. P.K.A. 679.