Painkiller Already - PKA 681 W/ Chris James: Drunk Ghost Hunting, Woody Calls Blade, Epstein Client Logs

Episode Date: January 6, 2024

PKA 681 with our guest Chris James Taylor. This episode of PKA is brought to you by pharodistro.com, Blue Chew, and Lock and Load. A bunch of wonderful products. We got Chris James back with us, looking tremendous. The reality TV guru. The finder of truth. Is that how you see yourself, a truth teller?

That's often what I've been referred to as, yeah, the finder of truth. Yeah. But, yeah. They kind of just call us liars i know we talked about it briefly last time have you found any episodes of reality tv that are maybe pushing you towards ghosts yet i see you've done a couple more ghost hunters ones i did one of the newer episodes of ghost adventures and it was the one that i was drawn to because I don't know if you've seen the clip, but it's of,

uh, one of the, one of Zach's goons that are, uh, they're like in this haunted saloon. And he's like, I don't know what you guys, I'm getting like a four.

I want to drink that fucking whiskey right now. And then he just takes like three shots with whiskey. And he's like, I'm, I feel really good. And it's like, yeah, I,

it's three shots of whiskey. Of course you feel good. Dude. I, I saw that exact clip where the guy, I thought it was like yeah i it's three shots of whiskey of course you feel good and dude i i saw that exact clip where the guy i thought it was like a skit like a silly skit which it kind of is yeah it is the whole show have you have you seen this clip kyle this this ghost hunter walks past this table that has whiskey on it and is like guys i have such a strong urge to take a shot of that whiskey. And they're like, out of nowhere? And he's like, yes.

All I had to do was walk by this bottle of whiskey and I want a shot. And then he proceeded to give in to the demonic booze demon and indulged him with three shots. And the other guy, if I recall, was acting just befuddled, like you would never do shots out of a whiskey bottle unless there were a Western gunslinging devil, man. Yeah.

Making you pissed at him the rest of the time. He's like, dude, you are wasted. You got to get out of my face. Like you're ruining this invest, the integrity of this investigation of the ghost adventures investigation. We don't drink.

Yeah. Fuck you. This is all made up. That was for all of us. We drank most of it. Mark was busting Ghost drunk on the job. I had to fire him. We get sued by Ghost. What are you going to do? Not only

I think that that is no offense to anyone, but I hate those Ghost programs. The idea of watching it. Look, I spend my time in silly ways i watch silly things learn lore about made-up things but my god they have been looking for ghosts since like 1997 and they haven't found one yet with their fucking em meters and their wackadoo fucking look when this line moves ghosts are here okay buddy that's a vibrator like it's

nonsense everybody i've seen the behind the scenes stuff and i've heard people like tell on them be like yeah they'll just like throw a pebble into the corner of the room and everybody go who's that who's that they're like have made up technology at this point yeah yeah what are some of the made-up technologies chris they have this one camera that where they're like they they pick up anomalies and it's like stick figures moving in the background i'm like where did you what is this camera reading it's like stick figures moving in the background. I'm like, what is this camera reading? They're like, if you can see, there's a guy in the back and another guy in the back.

They have to be anomalies of the spiritual realm, and they're just made up. I don't know what this technology is. Yeah, they never get into it. It's never a good answer. Well, it's sending out a pulse, sort sort of like a bat and it's interfering with the the the dark matter that makes up a demon and then bouncing back like it's always like what are you talking about hd yeah there's an x on the demon screen of course there's a demon yep that's it that's it that's exactly it yep what do i look at those that is an anomaly it's an anomaly yeah that demon's got legs for days

this is the anomaly cost constellation woody now when this is above jupiter you'll have good luck if we had a constellation like this and it was called like the night or something it would be the most accurate constellation of all time because basically they basically have a connect camera that's is it really what you're using i wouldn't be surprised so these people like is there how often in these shows because i don't watch the the ghost hunting stuff how often do they allow someone on the show to offer pushback or is that like well there's one that i heard of it was i think they had a priest on it was like a live thing they did. And I'm pretty sure they had a priest on.

And he was not going along with the program. And he was like, yeah, it's probably, I mean, it could be, but it's probably not a demon. And Zach was getting pissed. And they ended up, he's like, I'm getting this negative evil energy from the spirit. We have to cut this short. And then they just cut the program. This guy was just not playing along. He's like, fuck dude this is come on i think i think the spirits were starting to influence the priest they were making him say all sorts of lies crazy things they start trying to find a new we found a much more holy priest

father make it up off backstage.com yeah off of fiber i am here i am here to remove that demon problem that's what i'm talking about yeah this is the finest priest you can get for six dollars quickly fiber africans the fiber indian guy that would be good yeah i i could never get sucked into the demon ghost shows and part even if I bought in fully that you were able to track demons with like a camera or something, why would a demon suddenly reveal itself to a couple of fucking retards like out of nowhere? See, that's the part I can buy into. No, if you're a demon and you're going around what you want as a demon is for nobody to believe in you you do not want people believing you're

real you want to be because the it's like the goal of like like satan and demons like at least in like a lot of theology is like their goal is to corrupt you to make you think that your own selfish desires are what you want they don't want want you going, I'm going to drink these whiskey shots because the devil's telling me to. They want you to be like, yeah, I'm going to be slothful. I'm going to do what I want. I'm going to be gluttonous. I'm going to do what I want.

It's convenient. The way the demons operate is they have as little proof of their existence as possible, but they're real. Dude, if you're trying to get someone to fuck themselves up, you don't want a big, scary demon in the corner of the room being like, don't work out and overeat. Like, then you're going to be like, oh, hitting the elliptical. But if you are convinced in your own pride that you know what's best for yourself, then you're going to fall into it. You got to like a demon wouldn't let itself be seen on on tlc i still can't get past the convenience of this whole thing how demons want to exist in a way that you don't really prove well let me help well i don't think the demons have to exist a ghost in your parent

and a ghost might want to be found because there it seems but based on the liars on tv that they're usually conflicted spirits like they can't move on because either they don't understand what's happened or they refuse it's like no you killed her i'm sorry like he's just there stuck in this rageful moment the spirit like stuck in this little place and i could almost believe in that you know in some way almost not really though but that guy that spirit might want to be seen it might it wants attention it wants to be heard because they hear it in life or something like that but a demon expecting those cameras yeah thing that's doing their details what the fuck is that how the fuck did they get that yes i've been demons know about cameras trust me they know all about cameras you know it's funny it's like

i could not be more on like i had a teacher in high school who said he taught me this lesson it's burned into my head deep if anyone anyone ever says trust me don't i was like that's solid advice right there if someone says trust me you don't he's listening to like a like a single 52 year old teacher had her heart broken a bunch of times she's just trying to like pass it down to you what do you no matter what a man tells you don't trust no this guy was a badass vietnam vet uh taught poetry like he was really cool nah he's built like you taylor oh okay sounds like a pretty cool guy vietnam vet thank you vietnam vet poetry might be my new favorite genre of poetry, by the way. I'm just imagining that dark shit. Remember when Elaine hired the Vietnam vet or whatever,

and he was writing copy for women's clothing, but from the perspective of a PTSD-ridden Gulf War veteran. Go to sleep and stay dry with your Warbur, high-quality sleeper camper net. We might all be dead by the morning, but we'll be dry. I've heard over a good rock track, it's just Creed. He was the same guy who

when the first Gulf War broke out, he grabbed a newspaper that said, It's War. The headline, It's War, took the entire like upper fold above the fold. And, uh, it wasn't really a political message.

It was basically like, Hey, this is the reality. If you're going to serve in the military for any length of time, expect there to be war. And it was eyeopening for me. Cause prior to the golf war, what was before that Vietnam?

Like there was a big gap. Um, I don't think there was anything big like, like we were, Vietnam? There was a big gap. I don't think there was anything big. We were futzing around in Libya, it seemed like, in the Middle East in small ways. But not that boots on the ground. Granada, Beirut. Nothing in mass, though.

But the idea... What you're talking about is a war where if you're in the army, you're going to fight. That's a Vietnam... Vietnam was that war, or a war of that kind. It's like, you're in the army you're going to fight you know like that's a vietnam vietnam was that war or a war of that kind it's like are you in the army yeah well then you're going to vietnam to fight huh oh yeah yeah we all go yeah we all got there's no there's nobody back here like holding it down like we're all heading that way um yeah if your birthday comes up on one of those pulls you're you're going to war unless you shit all over yourself unless you fly jets of the national guard i i mean i like to think that i would have been bright enough like

let's say i'm 21 and the war is like four years in and it's like yeah they're starting to draft or whatever i don't know the timing but but i i like to think that i'd be smarter to be to like go through the steps to like all right i'm gonna en enlist. I'm going to be an air force like officer. I'm going to be the guy who orders the flight crew to wave those orange wands. Like I want to be the guy supervising that on a boat, 90 miles off the coast. Are you underestimating Vietnam's Navy?

Everybody would pick. Strippers of nom. Nobody is like, I want to be the first guy. I guess there are some like first guy overs, but that's how you become a ghost. Real quiet. America here. Nobody is like, I want to be the first guy. I guess there are some first guy overs. That's how you become a ghost. Roll quiet. America here.

We're Japanese now. I don't know what those... Do they ever discern in these ghost shows, Chris? Can they ever identify the ethnicity of a ghost? Where there's symbols and this one's sitting cross-legged on the ground i think you're skipping a few steps and step one is figuring out that they exist in the first place yeah i think they have to first prove that before they can prove literally anything else but they do i mean they pick up audio recordings it just sounds like no it sounds like like your old computer setup at home like when

you'd get a text next to a computer speaker yeah it makes that noise that's about it yeah that's about it like screaming at your mom not to pick up the phone because you're playing exactly yeah that's exactly that's all they pick up and then those stick figures that's about that's about it or they'll be like man it's fucking cold in here and then that's i don't know that's the one i need that priest to be like it might just be a draft and they go back there's always it's demons spirits go like they just anomaly is just covers everything so that's all they do it's just as much as much as i hate those people and i i view that kind of programming it's like you know they're making up like nonsense but pretending it's real for some reason that irks me as much as i hate that the people i really hate are the ones who make those documentaries

about mermaids or bigfoot or something like that and i'm talking about like on discovery channel they'll have i remember they had a mermaid discovery has always been full on like either history or discovery this is like 10 years ago. And the idea was, they were teasing that we're going to prove mermaids are real tonight. And I remember me and this girl sitting in this hotel bed. I was on the road. And I'm like, they are not going to prove mermaids are real, but we're going to watch every minute of this.

And they would get to the cusp of every commercial break, and they would show you this fake-ass footage of a mermaid tail. And they'd be like, when we come back, we're going to talk to you. And then they disguise the guy's voice like he's in Mermaid Protection Program or some shit. I saw the mermaid. There's a mermaid. And you come back from a commercial

and it's like five minutes of recapping, the last five minutes before the commercial, and you're like, I was just here. Dude, it's crazy when you watch that with no commercials I know that's it that's what I go through every fucking video I'm like okay I gotta do a lot of fucking skipping three minutes of lead up to the commercial and then you don't even have

a bunch of fucking pharmaceutical commercials to bust it up people dying of like plaqued up arteries it just goes straight to i haven't heard about a zimpic in minutes you need to do you need to watch mountain monsters on travel channel that's a good one that's it's honestly you could just watch that for fun like get high or drunk or whatever and watch that because it's these this group of hicks that go out into the woods and they just hunt mountain monsters like the one i just did recently

was the black wolf and like they got this guy jeff who's like they're all 90 years old except for one of the guys and they're out in the woods with ar-15s and flashlights and they're just hunting monsters and they make up this sometimes it's like multiple episode lore where i'm like i just want one episode please and then they're like we're gonna have to look into this more and then they just stretch it on but it's the funniest show like even just watching it on its own what kind of monsters like what qualify everything jersey devil everything yeah jersey devil uh black wolf oh really i was guessing that's funny that was actually funny. That was actually the first one I did. Woody! I'm sorry.

I gotta ask Woody. I gotta ask Woody. Was the Jersey Devil really a thing in Jersey? Anybody ever talk about it, joke about it? Snipe hunt? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was a Boy Scout, and it was on all of our minds. Every time a twig broke in the woods,

we were worried it was the Jersey Devil. Oh, that's just like Woody. Yeah. All right. Yeah, because we would go to the pine barrens which is where where the jersey devil's from you know and uh yeah he was a concern what is it supposed to be like like more morphologically is it like a bear is it a demon oh shucks it's almost like a dragon kind of thing but call it seven feet tall really i always thought it was first angel

like it's in and out of existence zach can you find a picture of the Jersey Devil? I think they show it like a reptilian imp, almost. Like a reptilian imp. I've seen pictures. I've seen glowing eyes. I don't think I know what an imp is. I think of the Game of Thrones. Like a lesser demon who might perch on the shoulder. I bet it has goat hooves in the picture he pulls up.

That seems very devilish. Cloven. Cloven. Reverse need. Which one setish cloven cloven reverse need which one set of those reverse sets me one set of reverse knees that aren't kangaroo style wouldn't even be that helpful you could outrun the jersey oh come on oh that i was looking for more of a like a that's a piñata no this is this is a this i mean this is the best quality you can hope for when he's running back.

That's clearly a winged goat. That's a goat. Yeah, this is more in line. Shit, that might have been a real picture. This looks a lot like what I saw a moment ago. Yeah, that's pretty spooky. I wouldn't want to see that in the forest. All right, well, there it is. That's a real monster.

Yeah, that's an animal having an accident. Chris, have they ever killed something out there, and they're like, it was 10 feet tall if it was a foot and i brought it down and it immediately used its magic to morph back into a they've been closer to killing each other they've been closer to killing each other in the woods than they have any animal like any any beast because they have two guys on the team arguably the most obnoxious to listen, talk to. And they're the trap builders and they build these elaborate traps,

like almost Viet Cong style in the woods. And they're like, we're going to catch this fucking thing. And then there's always some plot where they're like looking for the black wolf. And they're like, man, Jeff's been acting weird.

And it's one of the 90 year old guys. And he's like bleeding out of his nose. And they're like, we got to figure this out first. And then the episode's over. That's every episode. And I'm like, we got to figure this out first. And then the episode's over. That's every episode. And I'm like, okay, well, I guess the black wolf is over for now. The demon is using his sulfur smell.

And it's like, oh, fuck. Alan's having a series of mini strokes again. That's Larry's gas. Don't buy the sulfur. If you could find a picture of Jeffff from mount monsters this guy is my favorite he's always falling down in every episode he falls down in one way or another the one i covered on my last video his nose was bleeding and they're like jeff your nose is bleeding he's like oh shit he's like possessed it's a whole thing dude you don't live to be

that old without being a hell of a monster hunter they're all i think one of the guys did die like a few years ago but not from mountain monsters i think there are old decaying and bold monster hunters that guy yeah this is jeff old monster hunters they're dragging this old fragile man out to the woods every day and they're throwing him around they're like jeff come on keep up and he's like huh and they give him a gun they all they all got guns. Is that a short-sleeved shirt? Yeah, this is the truth. My man really goes in between. It's not really a monster. It's kind of a bear.

Yeah, I don't know what that is. I can watch that episode. It's not a bear they're posing with. That wasn't even an animal any of them killed. That's one of the shows that I actually have fun watching when I'm making a video because it's genuinely entertaining.'s so outrageous at that yeah that wasn't even a big bear at least stand away behind it little movie bears that don't really good good move anything it's like if it's well they'll kill you but but like not that one that one looked like he was the curious he's like

raising his head up so he could hey yeah it wasn't to be wrestled that guy at six years old there's like a saying it's like black lay down brown run away there's something that rhymes yeah if it's a if it's black fight back if it's brown lay down yeah that's it that's the opposite of that no one gets themselves killed and if what is uh what about for polar bears wait no no no no no if it's black you fight back and if it's brown you lay down because i think brown is like a grizzly bear and you're just wanting to cover your head and your bowels so that it eventually it's bored and like leaves you but i guess the black bear if it's fighting you then it's there to fuck fuck you up because it's mad what point does it get bored with my body when you're just how much you're just that depends on the body you know if it's you know some guys it's like ew dude cardio cardio okay a lot of marbling on that guy

yeah all it takes if if that bear takes more than four seconds before he's entirely bored with me i'm dead like it's a grizzly bear to maul you and it's like they're just way long tearing at you dude have you seen the size of a grizzly bear's paw? If it smashes you once it can, it's like you remember that shit where what's his name from Jurassic Park was like picking on that child for

laughing at his science talk where he's like, he would have this claw and he'd gut you like a fat little turkey wouldn't he? And all the adults are like disemboweled with this. that's what a bear claw is, but it's five of them, and it's bigger than that. I bet the grizzly bear couldn't bench press 100 pounds. If it knew that it was supposed to.

No, you're making up fake rules. Well, I'm sorry, but that's part of the game, knowing you're supposed to lift the weight. Yeah, exactly. If he can't get there, then he's lost. Those Russians post videos where it's like, look at me me wrestling a bear and the whole time it's very clear the bear has no understanding they're wrestling anything the bear thinks it's like oh we're balancing on each other what a fun game oh he's petting me on my side a little rapidly and meanwhile the guy's

like oh this is fun we should just fuck bears up in things they don't like. Look at me out-debate a bear. So much of the 4DP videos of bears, like this Russian guy just beating the shit out of a bear, and it's like this is not going to end well. Yeah, no, all that bear takes is four seconds of it not wanting to play your game. Have you seen the videos of bears wrestling each other in the wilderness where they got their claws

out? And it takes like one graze, like they'll kind of be wrapped around each other and one of them will pull its claw back not even looking that violently and a a strip of skin and flesh revealing like muscle tissue on one of the bears is just torn off and that amount of skin on you is like is what you know the whole torso amount it's yes it would fuck you i would argue that taylor has the same protective fur coat that a bear does and it wouldn't protect me i'd get i'd get mauled i just i just die a little uglier my money's on you taylor i've saw leonardo dicaprio take on a fully grown grizzly bear with nothing more than a black powder musket and his cojones and all of

his friends of course but but he won. That was propaganda. I can't believe you fell for that. I would, uh... Kyle, that was a movie. Big Bear. No, was it? That's a true story. That's the story of Hugh Glass. What is the biggest, most monster-ish

thing they ever killed on the show? Like, for real. In order to get a pilot or get the show going they must have caught or killed some sort of freakishly big bear an enormous that's assuming they've actually killed any it's like I said every episode they're like almost on the cusp of

catching something and they're like wait but what's that and then the credits and they're like they're going to something else for the next it's literally it's just always along the way every captured they've captured the wonderment of a snipe hunt and they've serialized it that's what they've done it's going out in the woods with your buddies and getting a little goofy and a little drunk and playing with guns and saying we're looking for bigfoot and then ending up back at a campfire drinking more beers and going to sleep and having a blast doing it and when we

get back what'd you do this weekend did you go get drunk with your buddies and play with guns hell no we're monster hunters i'm a goddamn hero civilian you better fucking salute when they're all like when the jersey devil comes down you're gonna wish you know like you're gonna wish you had six 90 year old men with ar-15s at your side and they're all like the kind of guy like what they should be doing is sitting on a porch that is like all they should be doing with their day yet they're out like losing their breath in the woods climbing up hills i don't mean i don't know how you even fill 22 minutes with that 40 40 minutes they're the long ones oh my god yeah man i pictured it kind of being like

river monsters where i've never watched that show but i've seen enough little clips online where that guy caught some big shit in rivers like legit fish with giant giant teeth so i can't you know that's a little unfair for these guys to kind of steal his valor pretending you know that guy bears or whatever i think that guy has a new show maybe but the reason the old show went off was because he just caught everything you know the idea was river monsters he caught every large challenging game fish in the world he caught them all on his show and then they were like we don't have anything else to catch we can't even make we'd have to make up a fish and like all right well the show's over then right did he ever

he should go catch a big stingray just to stick it to you-know-who. He did. I'm the ultimate beast catcher. Yeah, catches a stingray, beats it up. The same stingray. I saw a picture. They aged Steve Irwin to show what he would look like now.

It was real sad. It's like, damn. That guy was not too much older. I'm so glad. died 2006 42 maybe like 38 like somewhere in there is my guess like a youngish man um you know just a kid what's the ideal age to die kyle well that depends on other factors right are you talking for attractiveness no no it's like you know when when is it you've hit the peak of your bell curve? Or maybe you even do want to enjoy the downslide a little bit,

but not all of it. Not the tail end. It depends. I think everybody's got a different bell curve. Some people peak toward the end. I would argue that William Shatner is like 90. How old is he? Like 99 or something stupid.

He went to space last year. I'll find out. That's gotta be pretty cool. Well, that's because that billionaire sprayed alcohol on him and all he could ponder was his dead wife who was killed by a drunk driver and the infiniteness of space and how alone we are. I think it was the infinite

abyss of space where he's like oh my god, I'm so close to the end. Like going to space at 99 bad 92 92 he's 92 now yeah yeah uh yeah what did he say about space that was depressing that it was yeah something about it's boring it's empty there's nothing out here there's nothing for us it's just this world that's it like that was kind of his his takeaway it feels like he's right doesn't it he's right of course he's right they're really just dog if the if our solar system was a neighborhood we're in the one nice house

the rest of it's trash the idea that we should take mars and and colonize it as a backup planet in case we ruin this one. There is no universe in which Mars is a better starting point than Earth for humans. For fixing things. I do like the idea, however, of being somewhere else

even if it is shitty. It's a storm shelter of a planet. Maybe the Earth gets hit and fucked up for a generation or two, but there's enough people underground living in some shit city on mars that they all right the earth the saddle they're looking at satellite readings the earth seems to have stabilized the oceans have receded let's fly back or something like maybe that but venus seems better for that whenever i hear them talk about venus they say that... Venus is terrible. No. Isn't it the hot one? Yeah.

If you're on the ground, it's like 900 degrees. It melts lead down there. But up high in the atmosphere, there's a layer in the atmosphere that you could kind of open the window and you wouldn't die instantly. There's like a level of atmosphere. I'm sold. Yeah, you're really selling it. This is his example of the best we've got other than there's a whole no there's a whole 30 000 feet up you can briefly open a window and not immediately asphyxiate hear me yes hear me out well i mean mars is is worse i mean you'll want to flush out all the sulfur and like i don't

know no you get out of the layer no but what do Woody, you don't understand. Once we've excavated Mars and Venus in a way that far outpaces even what we've done on our own planet for our entire existence, it'll be smooth sailing nice. Oh, there's no terraforming. What are we going to do, live in tents? You would live in airships on Venus is what the plan would be. Well, then why not just live on a ship that's floating around the Earth? Because you want to go to another planet and explore

it, Taylor. You're the guy who stays home when Christopher Columbus takes off. Why don't you just stay here? Where are you going? The existence of islands and shit, they knew they would find something neat. What kind of fucking Italian are you? Not one. I wouldn't want to go to Venus or fucking Mars.

Like, like maybe if it was like for all mankind, that seems like a pretty decent Mars to go check out. They've got like porn and pussy and alcohol and rovers and shit. Like, it seems like a good time. I mean, you're living in,

it seems better than being an American nuclear submariner to me. Like you've got land orders. They're basically living as rough as somebody with a tow behind RV would live. With high stakes. High stakes shitty living. You can't just pull over at a Bucky's.

Like you die. Well I mean sure. You're so wrong. But alright I get your point. What do you think, Chris? Are there any good planets or do we need to take care of this when we're on? Some would say.

Honestly, just keep moving inward. Just like Ben Shapiro said, you just sell your house if you live down on the coast and everything will be fine. Yes. You just move up to Iowa. To who? A fishery? Like, who's going to buy my house that's going to be under eight meters of water? I know, right?

Yeah, honestly, that's why I like living in the Midwest because I feel like I'm safe for now. Until the atmosphere catches on fire or whatever is going gonna happen when we are living on other planets but um but yeah that's what my plan is to just stay put for now i think that's smart and since we're midwest boys like we've got like a century lead time i would imagine yeah like if new york starts going underwater we got forever that's their problem they were tempted by you until we're like shattered at least uh i don't know what the elevation is i know we actually i saw this this graph of sea level and we get fucked up by the mississippi way faster than you would think like i guess that big river getting getting out of control creates a lot of basins but that's not i don't think that's

gonna happen i don't think we're gonna suddenly be in some weird archipelago water world taylor you're at 466 feet like i'm at 290 like just because you're it laid a lot i don't know i see that map there's a lot of land and that's how it works no you're right like right. When I started doing that graph, I'm like, yeah, we're safe. And it's like, I'm 1,000 feet. What's Northern Illinois at? I'm higher than either of you. It's 1,000 feet here in Atlanta. And you're in Illinois?

Okay, so Chris, you're going to get fucked up by the Mississippi, too, or the Great Lakes. I don't know how that would work. Northern Illinois? Northern Illinois? I don't know how much further north Chicago or how much higher elevation Chicago is than St. Louis. It's got to be tens of... Tens of feet?

I'm going to guess 630 feet. But if we're apocalypse-proofing the area we live... Not too bad. I'm saying we'd be in trouble because of the missile silos out there, right? I think there's a lot of nuclear missile silos.

So if there's a full scale exchange between us and the Russians, then they like pepper you pretty good. Yeah, you did show me that graphic. But that's a problem for another day, friend. You have a basement, right? Yeah, I got a basement. Just go in there and then just

let the nuclear fall out. Just wash over. It'll probably kill bacteria. Kyle's is weird to me. That's not a wash over. It'd probably kill bacteria. Kyle's is here to do that. It's not a big deal. It's absolutely not a big deal with modern hydrogen bombs. They burn up. They're not going to irradiate the area for generations. They use all the fuel. It's gone.

What if they use a scary bomb, though? What if they fuck our asses with a really bad one? Like a hydrogen bomb, the biggest ones we have? Wait, a hydrogen bomb's not the scary one. That's different than a nuclear bomb, not the scary one that's different than a nuclear bomb right that's chris just so you know chris kyle is a i have blown kyle's mind with my stupidity i don't understand so a hydrogen bomb is a thermonuclear weapon it differs from the fission devices like uh they used in world war ii because it uses first high explosive that gets the

fission explosion going off and then the fission explosion is the one that sets off the fusion explosion, which is like the same shit our sun does. That's a hydrogen bomb. That's how a hydrogen bomb works. When you say hydrogen bomb, I should think nuclear bomb.

Yes. Yes. Those are the modern nuclear use. Those are the modern nuclear weapons I think for like the last 50 years or so have been hydrogen bombs. You know. Like the ones that are on the missiles and the MIRVs and everything.

The audience already knew that. Do 80% of them think I'm a moron right now? 100%? No, I don't think anybody thinks you're a moron. It's a little eclectic fact about nuclear weapons. Dude, sometimes there will be a comment from someone who's like you know i work in the nuclear power industry and i hate all three of them so much and it'll be like two thousand votes 15 reasons they're all wrong and i'll like see i'll see part of that comment and be like nah don't care like i'm not running i'm dug in i'm dug in nukes are the worst thing ever and they're very scary and kyle with

his fucking with his maths isn't i used to think we have a google search away like 10 miles away from me we have a power plant and my fear as a kid was always like a plane's gonna land in that and we're gonna be toast and that was like i found that was like every kid in my school's fear was that that power plant was going to get attacked and we were going to be it was like 30 miles each direction which is going to be wiped out yeah i remember thinking about that quite the case then it didn't seem like it was like well this doesn't seem to really happen ever except for that one fucking soviet run bullshit one and then japan putting like didn't japan put a they put a nuclear reactor in a volcano something absurd grew up like 100 150 miles from a three mile island so it was on our

mind maybe more than yours yeah i'm older yeah yeah just gotta keep some water on that thing you know everything'd be fine yeah and you need water on it anyway you make the steam make make the world go round so So they say. Yeah. Since it is 2024, I came up with a couple of small predictions. I wanted to get them out in front of the public so people heard me say it. Let's talk predictions. I'm sure Chris has some. All right. My number one prediction for 2024, China invades Taiwan. This is the year the great dragon awakens, or the tiger or whatever they are,

and they invade Taiwan. There's an exchange of fire and they're repelled, but there's a weird DMZ then. This says Taylor dies? What does this mean? What does this mean?

Taylor Swift! Taylor Swift marries the Kelsey guy. They get married this year. That happens. That's like a December wedding, maybe. And sad but true, Volodymyr Zelensky dies this year. He will be assassinated or in an airstrike or perhaps poisoned, but he will unfortunately leave us.

Those are my predictions for 2024. If you can find a way to put money on those, I advise you get after it now. They're going to happen. You're predicting China resoundingly defeat? No, not even just it sort of kicked off a little bit? You're just saying, so you're not saying full on? Oh, they attempt but are

rebuffed. Okay. I say they don't do that this year. Oh, I wonder what the odds are on that one probably heavily in your fucking face no I wrote stuff down too I thought about that just like picking the opposite of all of yours because obviously the predictions

are easier to get on the negative side I was thinking cyber trucks there's going to be some fucking hold up and those are not going to be some fucking hold up, and those are not going to be shipping out in mass to consumers. It'll just be the little trickle that we've seen so far. Just little bits here and there, little social media posts,

but you're not going to be looking around on the street and seeing tons of them the way you see regular Teslas. I would go against that. I think they'll be out in limited production. A quarter million cars will get out in a decent amount of time because like once they're making them they're making them right it's all automated or there'll be some some fucking regulation or safety thing where they're like oh it turns out we can't let solid steel bulletproof trucks with right angles run into normal cars frankly i blame that on why it looks so bad and why it performs so bad. He had a cool idea,

but they were like, dude, this isn't safe at all. Do this, make it this wide, put this much here, there, and the other. And he's like, ah, well then it kind of works like shit. And they're like, yeah. Yeah. And he just had to do it. Oh, I wrote another prediction down. I want to hear it. Shaq dies in a helicopter crash.

Oh my god. How original. Kobeq dies in a helicopter crash. Oh, my God. How original. Kobe. Yep. He goes out the same way as his partner. He chases Kobe again. Yep. Yeah.

It's almost poetic. Never could let him one up. This is a close one. It'll happen before the end of January. Goddamn. Oh, my goodness. This one. Shaq.

Shaq. Stay out of the air. Stay out of the air, Shaq. Shaq, we don't want to see this happen for your own safety surface streets only shack yes exactly but then like what if a helicopter hit his limo i'd be coming to you for lottery picks and stuff if shack dies in a helicopter crash because that's dude if shack did die in a helicopter crash before the end of january i bet someone would knock at my door like the fbi they'd be like we're reopening our our uh psychic division we need you to try out his head's even bigger than we imagined perfect the guy the guy at the

door goes taylor and like some hot blonde behind him with a weird jumpsuit goes yes yes and you're like and it turns out you're all faking it you're all just fraudsters you've got one cia uh agent just completely fool funding the project you're all looking to do that well i'm gonna need 40 billion dollars and it's my understanding there's currently a wonderful island unoccupied in the little saint james little saint taylor island re-hub return very private camera system when they pull up you'd be like yeah what took you so long i turned little saint taylor island into a school for wayward psychics and then before i know it i'm like fuck pedophiles got in again i need to get them out of here they telepathically told me they're being molested by Jeffrey Epstein.

Let's talk about it. Oh, any more predictions? After predictions, let's do predictions. The Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup. Lethal Company remains popular and then is never played again after the sole dev is embroiled in some sort of controversy in March. the sole dev is embroiled in some sort of controversy in March. Someone told me, and I didn't look into it,

that the only dev for lethal company is a furry. And we know that means good thing. He's a weirdo. So, so that's something else going to go on. That's most developers. Like, like I promise you that that's most people with computer science degrees, frankly.

How about this prediction? Africa does not get it shit of course they're gonna be really not a great place to live so that's prediction oh the braves have a historically successful season and kyle comes crawling back that will not fucking happen i won't watch a single game they They may indeed have an amazing season. It's funny too. It's better than anything I've ever seen. Chiefs lose two in a row and I'll come back. There's a new

George Floyd in July. Okay. I like that. New one of those. Going to kick things off. Going to get seedy. What race will this one be? Black. Oh, again.

Yeah. New George Floyd. More of a reboot. Like a reboot, yeah. Could be a woman this time. Could go Ghostbusters with it. We don't know. But that sort of thing is going to happen. Amazon is going to cancel the third season or never announce

the extension of a third season of the Lord of the Rings show because it was not successful. They wanted five at first and now they still haven't even ordered three so we'll see i think they're gonna ditch that hope it fails uh kanye is going to have a music video where he either has a hitler mustache or the backup dancers will have something akin to like a quasi ss uniform i's guessing like backup dancers or something? I think that one's a kind of a good guess. I could see him bringing back the Michael Jordan Hitler mustache, or at least trying to.

Larry Bird. You have to be like Larry Bird. I didn't know Larry Bird did it, but he's very famous too. Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Hitler. You got to think a lot of yourself in order to go back to that little mustache well, and I think Kanye fits that bill. I could see him doing it. I agree. Okay. I like that one. We're going to get a new pope.

Old pope's old hat. We're getting rid of him. Really? He's going to retire. Will the new pope be more progressive or less progressive? A return to austerity or more progression down the filthy, filthy road that this pope has taken us down? Morally bankrupt, disgusting.

False prophet. Yes, I don't. Maybe I didn't think that far into it. I just thought new pope. Let's say he's more traditional. Let's say that. More conservative pope. I like that.

I think that might be a safer option. They learned their lesson. Let's see. Pacers win the NBA championship. What the fuck? I just went to the standings and was like, who's kind of like fifth place?

Them. Who's John Morant on? Whose team is that? The Grizzlies. The Memphis Grizzlies. Grizzlies win this year. Damn. If I knew John Morant on? Whose team is that? The Grizzlies, the Memphis Grizzlies. Grizzlies win this year. Dad, if I knew John Morant, I don't know who that is, but he must be great for you to know.

He's a skinny guy, very athletic, and likes to pose with guns on Instagram. He's a gun tuber. He's a gun guy. All right, I'll pull for him. He's not a good kind of gun guy. He's an irresponsible, look how cool I cool am instagram video kind this is a one for you kyle i'm predicting that you get semi into collecting signed television and movie memorabilia i think that the star trek thing kind of itched a little it scratched a little itch for you and

now you're like man i would really like something from sopranos oh you know something from the wire that would be neat oh you know this isn't even that expensive i i can see more likely i i could see myself getting more into the stir track stuff it's like all right i got the tng crew i got all their signatures i want the deep space nine crew now maybe i want something kirk touched once yes maybe i want the blob at like one of those green bitches war i could see that yep that's part of it if you start start collecting that stuff, it counts. Okay. I'm going to start sending stuff to you

on Amazon. Make it true. Make it true. Oh, no, not that. Please don't. Not my free collector's items. Oh, whatever. Oh, there's only three left in existence. I'm such an idiot. Every week I was pretending to be mad. I'm losing my ass on this bad pile

i'm losing my ass say this one it was four thousand dollars i was getting so good thousands of dollars a month on this troll you're getting fucked up uh next gen consoles they announced a new one what i don't know i couldn't you don't think so? These are pretty new. Lindsey Graham comes out of the closet. He's finally loud and proud. Never. He's going to try and endear himself to a new set of fans when it becomes

clear his old ones don't like him. He's going to talk and be like, if you could only say the things I've done in the Capitol building. Sometimes late at night I sneak up to the top of the Washington Monument and just sit. Slide on down.

Just slide on down. People walk over there the next day and say the Washington Monument smells funny and I laugh. Yeah. It's aluminum up there. Yeah, those are all the good ones. I don't have any good ones, but I do have some. Trump picks a female running mate.

I agree. Israel gets pressured by the U.S. to end the war. Already are. And then Palestine hits them again. That's my call. X, formerly known as Twitter, dramatically declines in usage. Artificial intelligence leaves

the news and turns out just to be a neato search engine that writes unreliable things. I don't think so. People are fooled by deepfakes during this election cycle a lot. People already get got by those pretty good.

A lot of them are getting... If they don't fuck up on fingers, it can be hard. When they get the forearm ratio down, like arm length and fingers, it's going to be real. I've got three more for us, though. Taylor gets a steady girlfriend.

Kyle has shirtless pics that go viral on the internet again. And Woody breaks a bone no well that's you can control that one you can December 31st and you're gonna have your your finger in a door jam busting my jaw open yeah I like their bones technically. I don't. The war ones, I think you're probably correct on a couple of those. I don't see Twitter going down, especially in an election year. I think traffic will go up pretty significantly. Revenues will remain terrible.

You might be right, though. I almost said Trump rejoins Twitter, which would have countered my own point. Didn't he already? Yeah. He just doesn't. He doesn't use. Yeah. He got unblocked or unbanned or whatever.

He's allowed. Yeah. He was actually they almost begged him to come back to my eye anyway. Yeah. Well, I mean, he was like the biggest poster of all time. And so they wanted him making. I love seeing his 2012 tweets pop up where he's like about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson and he's super involved in their love life during the Twilight

days and he's just constantly tweeting about that. That's my favorite shit to see pop up. What was his take on it? Was it like Kristen thinks Robert should leave Kristen? He's like team Robert. He's like, you don't deserve her or she doesn't deserve you. More involved than you would think

he was that's so funny he's a lot of tv yeah he's all about tv he loves it he's an expert in romance also the israel prediction here's what i think happens there we are already telling the chill but like they're not gonna chill they're not gonna chill they're gonna keep it up you know what i heard them bring up they're talking about packing the pal packing the Palestinians up and sending them to the Congo. The Israelis are talking about getting the Palestinians, rounding them up, and sending them to the Congo. And I think maybe the Congo is receptive. How could it get any worse?

It is going so honestly terrible here. That's going to counter Taylor's prediction of Africa not getting it together. Clearly, once the Palestinians get there, they're going to do well. The Palestinians are going to show up in the Congo and be like, oh, my God, who's bombing you guys? It's just kind of shit here. They've got a different problem yeah the thought behind the israel thing i bet biden puts enough pressure on israel to make them chill because he needs that to happen to help him in the election i think israel is what they want to do and i think biden's overlords won't allow that sort of thing to happen and they are going to keep doing whatever they want over there.

It doesn't seem like they're really pushing that hard. Like against Biden to calm down. No, they're really like, they're not like, like everyone's like, hey, maybe we should like cool down. And they're like, no, it's fine. Their words don't match. Biden's words don't match his actions. He's like, hey, you know, you guys should really cool it off with all this aggression. But here's some more missiles in case you don't.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Just that's just politics being like, oh, I want to have plausible deniability to say I didn't like this. But then we funded it the whole way. How about you, Chris? Any? I only have two predictions.

One. And this isn't this isn't my original prediction, but I do stand two predictions. One, and this isn't my original prediction, but I do stand behind it. I don't think Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey will get married. I think they'll break up and Taylor Swift will buy the Chiefs and move them far away or something. I think she can at this point. She ruins the Chiefs, trades them away.

She's a billionaire. Yeah, I think she could. No, she couldn't buy the Chiefs. really yeah so yeah i think she could no she couldn't buy the chiefs you got to be like high level billionaire and they have to approve you i think the winnipeg chiefs are not gonna play this sunday they've all decided they've had enough of taylor swift and her ridiculous road games football game played in antarctica what were they thinking i think either that or this one um i i scrolled through the uh the subreddit a little bit before coming on tonight and i noticed that um only is me blade has been up to some hijinks and i don't think honestly i would say i don't think much is going to come of him after this year. I think he's probably going to not survive. But I also think he's going to prove everyone wrong and survive.

Because at this point, I saw the one of him in a motel recently. I think it was New Year's getting kicked out by the police. He was getting swatted. I saw a clip. Was that? Yeah. So you say swatted. saw a clip was that yeah so you say swatted do you know more than that video because that was the hotel wellness check yeah the hotel they swat the comments claim of that video claim that he'd been swatted out of one place

and and now he was getting swatted out of this place and like that's a regular thing that just happens i don't know why the hotel would be doing a wellness check from what I saw sitting there comatose. Oh, I didn't say hotel. I thought a viewer called the police and said, Hey, there's this guy at this location.

I'm not sure he's okay. Can you check on that? Which is different than swatted, but close to it. From what I saw, he was, he got kicked out of the first place because they kept calling. Like people kept finding the motel,

calling them the second place. He was just just being loud and they were like saying hey we got a noise complaint you got to get out and then they called the cops that's what i thought happened okay okay comments may have misled me then maybe he i guess because because i was even thinking well they wouldn't do that they swat him in how do you figure out what motel he's staying in because it's very they're all the same background you know it's like how do they know i saw a comment on one of those where people were like how are these internet sleuths finding his hotel every single time and the commenter was like because he shows it every single time he'll lift up the room service menu and then tilt the camera and camera in a way that you can just see. The address.

It'll show partially out the window, and it'll say, Best Western, and he'll be talking about how he's at the Best Western in North Kansas City or whatever the fuck, and then they just immediately triangulate and find it out. For the people that don't know what we're talking about, Blade was doing his stream in a motel, like we said, and he is comatatose drunk and the cops

are outside the sliding door and they're like brian brian you okay and he's like non-responsive drunk he's like holding like i don't know piece of paper in his hand doesn't matter and like they're like taking it out of his hand like he's just not there. He's so drunk. I've never been that drunk, I don't think. You can't even decipher, kind of decipher what he's saying. It's that bad. People are donating with messages saying, trying to get him killed, it seems like.

They're like, I have a Glock. If you come in, I will shoot you. And it's like, $3? Yeah. $3 to do that? As they're talking to him, that absurd like hey pigs i dare you come in i'm loaded you can't stop me me me jj that must be him look at these dumb fucking cops out there like you hear what he said lock and load boys we gotta a skyborg on the other

side of this doorway and we got a blast we got a real terminator on the other side listen to that robot this is remember boys this does not have a soul do not believe it's like break down the door for mercy i did i saw in this clip the one i saw he was like sitting in a chair like kind of nodding down entirely out and then i saw cops come in and it wasn't even like like he couldn't have been combative or resistant to anything even if he wanted to he was so drunk like immediately the guy they tipped over the camera and the cops were like uh we need to get a medic up here sir how much have you had to drink are you all right are you understanding us are you there like are you okay are you harmed like

they took him to the hospital i think i bet they did because he wasn't uh wasn't responsive at least in that short clip and i saw they put him i have his phone number do you think there's any chance this old phone number is still right there's no no way. I bet he's had to go through... Actually, that's a good bet. I bet he doesn't give a fuck. I bet that's his real number. That's from 11, 12 years ago? Dude, he has been messed with so much. He has

to have a new number. I bet he doesn't give a shit. No, don't call him. I love it. Did you... Brian? Brian? Hello? Is this Brian?

Sir, this is the police. Yeah. Told you. I can't believe this is still your number. I can't believe this is still your number. Say it again again This is great You kept it over the years Are you okay?

It obviously went viral Maybe tell him he's on the show We can't hear him though I was on PKA And they got to talking about you And I was like I wonder if this number is still right Tell him we love him And we hope he's doing well Or I do anyway I was on PKA and they got to talking about you. And I was like, I wonder if this numbers is still right. Tell him we love him and we hope he's doing well.

Or I do anywhere. Well, yeah, I love, love the center, not the sin. You know what I mean? Are you in trouble?

Like the police, everything's fine. I hate to miss this tender moment, but I do have to run to the bathroom real quick. Go for it. I hope I don't miss anything too sweet. Woody will come back to us with some tidbits after this, I'm sure. He will.

Hopefully a little juicy gossip. Yeah. Juicy gossip, maybe. That's so funny. He has the same fucking phone number. They said you were drunk, Blake? How slanderous. I told you there's no way in hell I should let you go.

I'm doing my show right now. I was just thinking about you. Dude, I hope you turn out okay. Yeah, but they can't hear you. I hope you turn out okay. We do hope he turns out okay. Hey. We do hope he turns out okay. I'll talk to you later. Dude, he's got to get on the chicken and broccoli, bro.

Dude, that number was right. I'm shocked. He really doesn't... He's ignored a lot of calls over the years. Probably. He saw me on the caller ID. Look at that. Yeah. He picked it right up.

I don't know if I'm in his contacts. He's in mine, obviously. Or if it's just the caller ID. Look at that. He picked it right up. I don't know if I'm in his contacts. He's in mine, obviously. Or if it's just the caller ID. But he was like, I'll answer this and see if it's Woody. I hope I didn't ruin the show or anything. No, that was fun. I love that. I worry for him.

I know the internet will hate me, or at least some of them will, for not, I don't know, blasting him every internet will hate me or at least some of them will for not, I don't know, blasting him every time I hear his name, but I know the old blade from 15 years ago and I have, yeah, that's the one I root for.

Yeah. Yeah. I, I feel the exact same way. I kind of jokingly told Taylor, like, you know, hate,

uh, love the center, hate the sin, but that's kind of where I am. If I'm being honest, it's like, man, that guy's got his demons, uh, you know hate i uh love the center hate the sin but that's kind of where i am if i'm being honest it's like man that guy's got his demons uh you know real demons that you can see that come in liquid form like always on his fucking backs you know and then it's reinforced by the that's kind of what he does for a living now is drink is drink uh liquor professionally and it's

like how are you gonna beat that demon the one that's like stealing from your left pocket and putting the money in your right. It's a rough one. That's not a good track to go. Everybody who ends up drinking for a living, like doing donos for alcohol, there's no way to keep that together. It will fall apart. And if you're an alcoholic,

that must be the most attractive gig on the planet you're like shit they're paying me to do what i lust to do it like imagine if my live streaming job was just receiving blow jobs here we go again i'd just be sitting there on stream like oh they hit the candy counter again. Ha ha ha. Oh no, you hit the hourly chip goal. You have to watch me eat a whole bag of Lays. I mean, on one hand, you could say it's pretty predictable that that wasn't going to turn out well,

drinking for money. But you can also see how someone like Blade is so susceptible to that gig and how it took him where he was gone. And he sounded good by the way, he was like completely coherent and good. I don't know how to say with it in a better way. Like he was,

he was sharp. So seemingly must've been. Yeah. But, Oh, and, and he said they, they took him.

He said they took him to a hospital because they said he was drunk. I was like, they said that? How slanderous. I don't think he's in any kind of trouble. They just evaluated him and released him as he sobered up. I really don't know that much about what he's up to overall other than it seems like when I see clips of him, it's always in a new hotel or a new place. Always piss on the floor. Always.

Is that part true? It's the bounds. Yeah, I have seen multiple clips. I saw a clip of him peeing outside of a Marriott, like right out front, like had a room in the Marriott, peed outside. There's a bathroom there. Use your bathroom's what's there for that's what you're paying for when you go to would

you like a would you like a slightly new topic sure sure this one's heavy for me yeah i know i feel the same way i don't uh kanye made some news i don't think you could even show the pictures that Kanye uploaded of his wife here. Thankfully, I've seen them. Oh, my goodness. So, yeah, Kanye floods Instagram with Bianca pics. They're married, right? His new wife, Bianca. My God, she looks like an alien crafted her from sexiness and sent her here for Kanye.

She is so ridiculously proportioned. She looks like a sex doll and I mean that in the most wonderful way. That woman doesn't look real. That's an incredible physique. It's the kind of physique that you're like, how much underpinning does that have? But she's not wearing any

goddamn clothes ever, so you know the answer is none. Did he just post these? Dude, it's going to be the year of yay that's what it's gonna be can you say those words again the year of yay kanye yeah he's gonna he's gonna storm back onto the scene everybody's gonna see those pictures and be like this guy rules look at his his gal hot as fuck dude she's an upgrade from the best version of kim kardashian oh i'm told kim kardashian is actually really cool inside like she's an upgrade from the best version of Kim Kardashian. I'm told Kim Kardashian is actually really cool inside. She's very smart, and she does great things with charity.

I don't know. She offers more than just sex doll. But this one offers sex doll, and that's a lot. And by the way, I didn't see Kim Kardashian blow this guy on a boat. I didn't see Kim Kardashian blow this guy on a boat. I didn't see Kim Kardashian just make every sexual fantasy he had come true. This woman seems to exist to please Ye. Yeah. He's on the Italian Riviera getting blown by the hottest.

She comes to America. I think she might be the hottest woman in America. I did see he was slamming her publicly for not being pregnant. That's the most recent thing I saw. If he keeps slamming her publicly, she will be. Yeah, that's... Good for him.

She's hot as fuck. Ridiculous. Everyone has their own bullseye, right? I see her boobs and like they're too big but who else says that that's just me she i can just see she's somebody's version of a 10 out of 10 yeah kanye's probably um she looks so much like kim that it's uh it's shocking uh like like she's she's like i think it's an upgrade like physically and like aesthetically um yeah she does look like like like a sex doll or something if you ordered your real doll to

those dimensions i'd be like come on man like why wouldn't you get it to be realistic so you could like you're already pretending like what the fuck you might as well put a dragon tail on it or so can you imagine the outrage if they took an exact one-to-one model of her and put her in a video game in the year of our Lord 2023? This is unrealistic. We need an ugly woman with a big, broad man face.

Like Mary Jane in the new Spider-Man? Have you seen her? Oh, you don't know the lore? Oh my God. So nobody could figure out why mary jane in the new spider-man video game is like this big like oh man looking red-headed ginger fuck this big broad face and they're like posted a picture of one of the devs and it it's like her it's like this ugly red-headed woman she's and i say yeah she put herself in the video

can you find a picture of the spider-Man dev and the Mary Jane? What's that cartoon? Spider-Man. No, I'm thinking of the Powder Puff Girls. Yeah, we've talked about this before. Okay, yeah. I'm pretty sure one of the guys put himself in that show. Dude made himself jacked so he could get with Bubbles,

the seven-year-old protagonist of the show. Dude made himself jacked so he could get with bubbles. The seven year old protagonist. Okay. Actually, technically they're actually adults. They're actually, yeah, he's actually eons old. Who's the one in the middle?

I'm confused. I can't tell who's in the middle behind all those filters. You want to find the green text photos that, that way you get the girl without all the that's too many filters she's been cartoonized by her snapchat filter look at the 4chan green text

that's how we'll know it's good that's how you know it's real we're not trying to disprove what I just said Zach we're trying to support it one from I'm sure he's looking I saw what Kyle saw what I just said, Zach. We're trying to support it. One from the video game board. I saw what Kyle saw,

and she looked much more like the game character. The game character was actually a little uglier than the dev, but it wasn't this dramatically different. Yeah, the game characters. Why can't we just have hot people and movies in video games? Why can't we have that?

There we go. Yeah, now we're talking. That's not a coincidence. Look at that wide-ass face. You don't think? No, I don't think so. Look at those thin... I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but this is Intentional Funks. I've got

better lips than Mary Jane. That's a problem. Look at those thin, old white woman Jane. That's a problem. Alright, look at those thin little, like old white woman lips. Alright, that big wide jaw, like she's about to bite me. It's terrible. Is it possible the video game character is in an unflattering pose? Like maybe she's slightly better looking.

Why are the eyes? Because she's asymmetrical in the mouth. I see. Both of them are. They kind of made like all the characters like look worse like the old peter looked much more like a normal just guy and then they i think when they did the uh the remaster or whatever the second one they just made them look weird yeah i don't know there's a probably a side by side but i i'm sure there are a lot better there are more examples sax if there are more examples of fucking just ugo video game characters that we're being forced to deal with now put those up on the

screen so we can keep so we can look up nikki minaj and call of duty that's one they they call of duty cannot get like women right when they do these like they did they did starlight from the boys and then they did nikki minaj and they don't look like people really yeah yeah like the homelander looks good black noir looks good like all the other but like they're in call me i had no idea yeah they everyone's in call of duty yeah called is a joke can you be them this sounds like mortal combat to me no it's just like multiplayer and warzone and all that stuff. I think they had Black Noir,

Homelander, and Starlight. Of course. For some reason, Starlight's ugly in it. I feel like Starlight has the smallest hitbox. That's who I want to be. Nicki Minaj does not. Tidest hitbox. How could I forget Snoop Dogg? At least Snoop Dogg plays the fucking game, right?

I see him streaming the game. But Nicki Minaj looks like, I don't know, maybe like Wesley Snipes in Birdcage. Yeah, it looks nothing like her, but Snoop Dogg looks just like Snoop Dogg. Wow. Look at that. Is that supposed to be ass hanging down under the thigh? Yeah, that's ass. Is it in the wrong spot?

Honestly, those proportions are correct. That's what Nicki Minaj looks like. Yeah, her left ass cheek is on the back of her thigh. It hangs down behind it. She's been training hamstrings pretty hard. Yeah. What nonsense. That's a lymphoma issue.

Yeah, that's pretty stupid. I didn't know Cod was doing that now. I think Skeletor is in Cod now, too. Don't say that. I'm okayoma issue. Yeah, that's pretty stupid. I didn't know COD was doing that now. I think Skeletor is in COD now, too. Don't say that. I'm okay with that. Yeah, he is. Yeah, I was like, oh, well, it's starting to make sense again. Wait, how's Skeletor doing?

He's like, I think Mattel owns that, or Hasbro. You know what they haven't done? As far as I know, I haven't paid close attention. They haven't brought Ghost back. I thought for sure we'd learn that Ghost wasn't really dead or didn't really betray us they kind of rebooted everything yeah i'm like since monolith 419 and like all that they've rebooted everything and oh ghost is sort of a way okay yeah yeah and then they brought like new actors in for everything i know they rebooted it but i didn't know if they changed like the outcome of

like did the soap still die like this time around I couldn't tell you I haven't played a campaign that is Skeletor and then that's fucking Ash yeah I mean I think these are the signs of a dying franchise this is gasping for air to keep people interested

I couldn't give a fuck less what my character looks like I just want sound to gain mechanics I don't give a fuck less what my character looks like I just want sound to gain mechanics I I don't get it I mean Modern Warfare 3 turned out to be pretty like they it took them like four years to finally be like all right we'll give you what you want and they gave us all of the movement from Modern Warfare 19 that everybody liked and then they what I kind of don't like that they brought all the Modern Warfare 2 maps back because it's like okay it was fun for like a week but i played the shit out of this in 2009 so like they get kind of old um and then also all the same spots are there in the old maps like they remastered them completely to

where like you're on high rise and you just get sniped right away like every time like all that shit's still there but they all the movement and like i think they went to like black ops health like the 150 health so it takes a little bit longer to kill but the games it's pretty good compared to like last year's game and vanguard and black ops cold war like it's yeah i think i'm done with that style of game i play cod a lot yeah we i play that like pretty much every night and this this game was supposed to be you can't find any night and this this game was supposed to be you can't find any traces of it but it was supposed to be an expansion on last year's game

it was supposed to be the monowarfer 2 expansion where you get all the monowarfer 2 maps they improve the movement and everything else but now they're like oh it's the it's the next game it's monowarfer 3 so it's pretty much an expansion with upgraded movement. And next year is supposed to be Treyarch's full game where they've got the last three years that they've been working on it. It's going to be upgraded engine movement. It's going to be a full release. So hopefully it'll be good, but it doesn't matter how long you give a developer to make a project.

They will develop it in the last six months of the timeline. This one, you can tell it's it's still got their hulu ass fucking main menu where everything is like it the menu it's not the traditional cod where it's like you get the list of stuff you can play and like quick play it's just tiles it looks like hulu's main page it's very bad and it's not intuitive at all and it looks just like last year's game they just added stuff you can totally tell that they're like all right um take last year's game we did some tweaks add some new guns here and there and this and that and then that's it it's literally just an expansion and that's it

yeah i heard that a couple times that they're just like you said selling an expansion pack as a full release for 70 bucks it's so i don't know i'm done with that style of gaming i think just the the rinse and repeat and everything i don't know i i mean i've i've played thousands of hours of it probably but i don't think i just don't like doing that anymore got a lot more fun once we started playing back in like monomorph or 19 i mean my uh my friends started playing search a lot more that made it a lot more fun just like actually playing a competitive game mode and that added a lot to it like once before it's like and they make everything so i feel like they've designed the game for streamers

and youtubers where like they have all their time in the world to get camos to get the mastery camos it takes so much time that like you have to be a streamer or a youtuber that like does it for your job and the only way to do it is to like go into like if they have their shipment 24 7 lobbies where you just go in there and just get like 100 kills and get your camos other than that it's nearly impossible to like do any of the shit that they expect you to do that's frustrating because that used to be a really fun part of cod 4 was like yeah every once in a while being like oh it's shipment i knew now's the game to get the red tiger rpd the time is now you just focus on headshots or well red tiger was 150 headshots i think right yeah that's all it was now now it's like it's layers of hundreds of

hedge and sometimes it's not even headshots and then or there'll be a fucking tree you have to go through i'm not talking about specifically cod but like that's just what games are i'm not trying to do that kind of shit in games like i'm not trying to do a like layered unlock stuff for a first person shooter they got a little bit better with this one monowarfer 2 the last years was when they were like all right if you want to get the MP5 you've got to get the lockpin blah blah blah you have to go through those different branches now they've made it a lot easier

I think they kind of reversed a lot of that so it's a little bit easier and the camos are like you have to get like 4 camos to get gold it's like get this many headshots get this many kills after reload it's a little easier but it's still there's so much and if you're having to go into like Favela and harachi to get these camos it takes forever like to go in these classic maps so it helps when they have like shit like shipment 24 7

but that was like the last straw for a couple friends of mine what the cod you talked about where it's like you have to use the scorpion for 20 kills in order to unlock the mini uzi and then you need 30 headshots with that in order to get to the mp40 sniper rifle and then you can you know backtrack to the dragon off like it was i remember like buddies of mine a couple of them who had stuck like you know they're adults with like kids and so like one of them was like this is ridiculous like i have maybe 90 minutes a night at most a few times a week to play and i'm spending the whole game session like uh maybe maybe i can play one game without the scorpion tonight have a little relaxation before i go back into work honey i'll be up in a minute just put the kids to bed i'm trying to do the scorpion like you gotta put like your reading glasses on get your notebook out and be like all right well i did that doing math and planning it's not fun

for like a casual gamer someone who's getting home from work and wanting to play like you just want to jump in have fun there's there's fun grinds and there's not fun grinds right like i would argue that there's things in tarkov hoops did it make you jump through it's like go to this map wear these clothes use this gun and do this specific task and it's like at first that seems annoying but then it's this is breaking up the monotony i i was gonna just use like the best gun and the best armor but instead let me put this blue shit on and go to this shitty map i don't like and use this shitty gun i don't like using and and then you get like this whole little fun thing that happens that but called i thought it was even attached if you live stream it it's worse because it it sucks to suck on a live stream and they're

like hey i want you to wear armor that doesn't protect you and a hat that is aqua so everyone can see you from anywhere and oh by the way that aqua hat tells everyone that your armor sucks because we all know what quest you're working on so good luck target boy and everyone's watching and it's like fuck i swear i don't like i'm not claiming to be fucking shroud but i'm not as bad as i seem i'm just out here handicapped yeah i think if i i mean i don't know. That's how Tarkov is. This is a great wipe for Tarkov. I'm tempted. I keep

being tempted. If you play Outplay, it's ridiculous, the stuff they've added, the recoil changes, the armor hitboxes, the map that everybody hates, Shoreline. They completely made it new. They added huge sections and they made the terrain different. They broke it up, added cliffs. Everybody hates Shore you know that you go all those shoreline quests you

have i love shoreline but i'm in the minority okay um everybody hates the that's where you gotta go wear the helmet and the blue shit and everything gets very uh very tedious dude as many hours as i have i fucking still can't memorize how to navigate resort with like confidence like you know how you want to be in a video game where i could like take it could take your character make them look down and you know where you are right that's where you aspire to be and i can't seem to get that in the resort and if people don't know it seems like a very simple map but there's like holes in the ground and barriers in the hallways that make you have to take roundabout ways to navigate and it's trickier than you might guess that's the map i know best um and but um but yeah i i'm always tempted to play i'm back to watching fucking

landmark for like a couple hours a day i'm like yeah this is how if i just go back this is how things will be for me look at this streaming like to the level that he was before like as many hours and as many people it was like 85 000 watching um watching for the drops um you know for the drops and everything so like uh the tarkov does this thing where they give free shit to you if you watch their streamers like free in-game shit like you'll get some guns in game sent to your account if your account's logged in uh watching your favorite streamer during a promo thing they do. They take over Twitch when they do it. He had a bunch, 80, 90

K when I was watching. But no, this wipe looks fun because of the recoil changes and the armor. Those two things are crazy. And then the maps, they added a lot. I don't know. It seems like a fresh game. They added a new map? Apparently they changed a lot. And I don't know lighthouse at all

i know lighthouse like 80 out of 100 i've played a lot of lighthouse like i'm pretty good on the streets either i don't know streets okay i bring guides to streets last last last because i played the white before last like i don't know a little bit oh okay a lot have you played a lethal company at all chris no i've never heard of it good no it's it's a fun game i'm finally getting pretty fucking good at it is it new it's it's new and it's made by one developer and the problem with it it's so fun it's a good like two three hour session game with friends to you know try and hit a quota by collecting scrap from all these like moon planets and hide from monsters the problem with it is that like it's collecting trash it's collecting garbage and so like you'll

walk into a a fucking warehouse that's a labyrinth with like a random seed. So like it's easy to get lost, all that kind of stuff. And it'll be like, oh, good. I found a crate of glass bottles. Oh, good. I found a big metal screw. I found a sheet of metal. I found a whoopee cushion, a can of soda.

Like there's the rarest of rare things you can find is not exciting. It's like, oh, a cash register. Like, and all it is is collecting these things and bringing it back to the ship to go sell so you can get equipment to more effectively go out and hunt for more trash. And, like, after a while, that's why I said it's a good, like, two, three hour at most, like, game sesh game with you and, and like a bunch of buddies in a call because it's like a spooky game.

Like you die and it's proximity chat and we all have mods enabled so that the game will record little bits of you and then later in the round, play it back to me. So like if Kyle and I go in to the scary area and early on kyle's like hey i found a screw and then five minutes passes we're both walking around together and then kyle dies a couple more minutes pass and then i might hear from around a corner kyle's voice say hey i found a screw and i'll know like like i have to start i have to start huffing it because i know kyle's been dead and that's very fun especially when you're like spectating someone but at the end of the day you're just picking up trash and i don't understand why the developer the one developer didn't make it literally anything else there's no reason that it has to be trash and scrap that you're collecting on these planets. There could be any other back-filled

explanation from it. Kyle, you're muted. It could be like, oh, you're all prisoners who are locked up, and until you collect X amount of this money, or gems, or you actually have to kill this beast and collect its head and bring it back, and then you'll be freed

from it. Like, something at all, at all, that could be easily implemented that isn't trash because that's why you don't play a ten dollar game with your four thousand dollar computer it's a it's a very fun game with friends it's just frustrating it's a fun-ass game and i'm not playing it for the graphics but it's like fuck it's hard to get excited about finding a lamp it sounds like a heroin addict let's play. Like, just going around finding scrap and trash and junk. It is hilarious

that Taylor got a $4,000 computer and now he's playing, like, browser based QuickTime games. Yeah, but a fucking 2,000 FPS. Newgrounds. That computer can simulate the birth of a solar system, but

it's collecting screws and lethal components. If it were any other collective... The CPU's trying to kill the GPU every day. If it were any other kind of collection, I would have no problem having gotten Kyle to try it, because I could have sold it as, it's like a monster hunting game. You have to collect these gems, these treasures.

It's blueprints from a foregone era. You're in a hyper-futuristic time where there's knowledge that's lost, and you're hunting for these books on these already burned-out planets. Anything else but trash. Door hinges. Anything. You're looking for door hinges. Someone will be like, hey, I got a V-type engine in here.

Here's the game. I'm going to pitch it to you. I'm not going totype engine in here. Here's the game. I'm going to pitch it to you. I'm not going to annoy you about it. If you want to have fun in a co-op game that any amount of us could play together, it's PvE Rust. I'll do Rust. I have it. I bought it.

It's just the AI, the animals, the scientists. There's bad AI. You got to fight to acquire riches and build. It's Minecraft. It's Minecraft, but it's with AKs and armor and acquire riches and build it's Minecraft it's Minecraft but it's with AKs and armor and first person it's first person shooter Minecraft is what it becomes when you remove the enemy players

and play on a server where it's PVE there'll be other players but they'll say hello friend I like your base nifty sign you wanna come with us we're going out to the oil rig on this speed boat to fight scientists and get riches. So you can't hurt each other?

I think it's just against the rules. There's servers that are PvE only and they eliminate the PvP. It wouldn't be my first choice. I like the part where we steal from each other, but for Taylor's benefit, I was like, it's first person shooter Minecraft. You've stopped playing Minecraft with no mods.

He's playing unmodded Minecraft again. You are a dealer giving the first hit for free right now. You're like, if I could just get him in Rust, get him addicted, then he'll start doing the hard stuff. Because he's been talking about getting good at mouse and keyboard for years, but he's never actually played a shooter he likes. He's never played a shooter he even enjoys and will play more. You could be like Jack Frags does these videos every week where he's never played a shooter he even enjoys and will play more you know how like you could be

like jack frags does these videos every week where he it's like you put like five hours in and got your paycheck you didn't play this game like long term like now you're okay your character's level 10 like my character's 50 what are you doing here you can't really teach people about this unless you play it that's how taylor plays these games he like it's just tough it's just tough he needs to catch the buck he needs to take a pause load from rust that just you can't get rid of and then it becomes full-blown aids when we play pvp rust that'll sell them you know talking about that's why i'm saying this now when he's at the last hangout i got a five piece of spy master in code words. Is that the highest you've ever seen? It is. It is.

I, I don't want to say downstairs and brag to Jackie. It's one of like, I think we've done it three times before. Okay. Like, and that's one of them. Like,

like, like I, I think, you know, um, obviously the board had to do a certain thing, but you gave a great clue. Like,

as I told them, they were like, come on, the board set him up. He had to come up with it. How how many times the board set us up and no one caught it yeah right yeah you did a great job uh that is the biggest clue i've seen in a in the modern era of code names i'll say uh since since we've all been playing we uh we play this uh this word game with our with our patrons in uh in discord for hours at a time i take it far too seriously and get very upset

you say it's code names yeah i think i've played it once before you got like two spy masters they're it's they're they're trying to direct you toward words on a board with but they don't want you to touch certain words and they're using a one word clue it's a it's a little bit of uh thesaurus knowledge needed and i get get really, really mad. And I shouldn't. I got to control myself. The Tuesday game, I was fine. I got a little huffy,

but I didn't curse at anybody. But on the sun, no, the last game, whenever we played Sunday afternoon, I think I got pretty upset. Our roles have been reversed a little bit. So let me explain why I said that. It used to be we just have conversations, right? The hangouts were by and large is everyone hanging out and talking. Okay, cool. So someone would show up with either horrific audio or horrific social skills. And after a while, I would flip my lid

and just tell them they had to fix their shit, right? And horrific audio, for example, might be someone who is joining from a tractor right a tractor while farming and it's just the whole time we're trying to talk to each other and it's like fucking mute yourself what the you're in a conference call with 25 people from a diesel tractor on a farm what are you doing like shut the fuck up mute yourself all right so or someone might i just like i don't know have their mic six feet away screaming to it the whole time and i'm here and everything but this anyway so they needed to be put into their place and well you know maybe i'm a bit of an asshole for doing it it's also a service

that had to be done now we're playing code words and there'll be someone who misbehaves or ruins the game on everyone's behalf. And Kyle will dress them down and just tell them how stupid they are and how much they're changing the experience for everyone else. And I think all the rest of us are sitting back being like, thank you, Kyle. Thank you for cleaning the streets. You're a vigilante.

I'm like Batman. Yeah. I'm the Batman of codenames. That asshole clicked when no one else on his team agreed with him. He just ran for it. And you don't have the social status in this room to pull that shit. It can be like, to some extent, like you don't need to know the rules or anything, but just imagine we're playing team chess,

and we all need to agree on whether that pawn is going here or there. And some jabroni that we all know is like a level 900 at chess pushes the fucking pawn forward one space. And we're all like, that's not the Mananachi opening. What are you doing? You imbecile. We're thinking about our eighth move,

not our first. Did you think we were all sitting here not knowing which pawn to move? Is that what you thought? Like it's that kind of meltdown, but in my silly little game for no apparent reason against people who paid to be there so i really need to slow my roll a little bit i feel that's a good detail literally afterwards in the evening i'll be like damn it should have yelled that guy no no no you should have you did great we all appreciate it i should have told a joke and made him laugh about how silly he was.

Instead, I screamed at him and called him a slur. I gotta stop that. If you told a joke and told him how silly he was, then six more people would have done it after him. I was gonna tell a joke about me now. But nobody wants to get shouted at. You'll see people get gun shy.

And what do you think, Arnold? This is between y'all it's like arnold it's a game we want your genuine opinion i'm not i'm not sticking my beak in kyle's uh it's not like that it's fun that yeah i like to take games like that seriously make them more fun for me if we're just futzing around they're futzing around but if we're gonna keep fucking score i get i get competitive sometimes i've been uh do you want to talk about uh epstein urban laden because i've got both on my mind i only have background on that one you know something been laden though he's the 9-11 guy well okay i thought maybe something new hasn't okay um so i guess and i'm i'm having a hard time i googled a lot but it depends who you ask what exactly the quote-unquote list of names that was most recently um released i won't say leaked because it wasn't it was like legally released i even is they tell me that it's some

sort of shorthand scribbles from a pilot just sort of his thoughts or something but no one wants to be like it kind of sounds like you're talking about the flight log right now yeah i'm talking about this newest list that came out that has stephen hawking's name on it that has david copperfield's name on it obviously um trump um obviously bill clinton 70 something times like mid-70s like i I'm leaning toward I have a hard time believing Donald Trump didn't do some stuff with some underage girls at this point. Having a real hard time with Bill Clinton, though. There's some of it's not as incriminating as it seems.

I'm not talking about Clinton specifically. I'm not defending anyone. So they'll be like, you know, was Elon Musk on this plane? And they'll be like, no, I have no recollection of ever seeing or even hearing his name come up in conversation well boom now he's been unmasked and it's an elon musk's in there twice that one's not actually true but that's the kind of thing that's happened people have been brought up and it if you know the details they're literally um found innocent i'm looking for a better word. Indicated, perhaps.

Okay. But, yeah, they brought up their name. They said they had nothing to do with any of this. But now their name is in there. And it's not a good look. You wish no one asked about you at all. There has been a fake image of Jimmy Kimmel being in there. But that's a fake image.

It's something. Aaron Rodgers said that Jimmy Kimmel was on the list. And Jimmy Kimmel being in there, but that's a fake image. It's something Aaron Rodgers said that Jimmy Kimmel was on the list. Jimmy Kimmel got very upset. He's like, I don't know this guy. It never had nothing to do with any of this. My family's getting death threats now and I'll sue you if you say another word. He was on Pat McAfee's show when he said that. Pat McAfee apologized for having anything to do with it. I don't know that Aaron Rodgers has said a word and now that it's released jimmy kibble's name is not on there but there are fake images going around saying it was and it's weird to see like like obviously i

watched some of the some more right wing youtubers not exactly political stuff but more like social stuff socially right and um their take on that was so weird they're like what about the time jimmy kimmel did blackface it's like what about it yeah i watched the man show that was some funny shit but i get it yeah he used to have women jump up and down like if you want to say he's a hypocrite when it comes to sexism or racism i'll i'll bite right into that big sandwich sure but but if you're telling me that it's okay for Aaron Rodgers to go make a joke that he's on the pedophile list when they're both celebrities of note, this isn't Jim saying it about Harry, that's bullshit. He should know better than that.

And I like Jimmy Kimmel's response as much as I dislike Jimmy Kimmel. And Aaron Rodgers, I'm sure, his real attorney probably called him and was like, yeah, he gave you some good advice there. Don't say another fucking word. Don't say any fucking thing. You're liable here. You could be in a lot of trouble. So regarding Trump, I've only seen one new thing come out of this list. A lot of the old stuff where he praised Epstein as being a lot of fun. He seemed to know that he was a pedophile. He said he really likes women as much as I do. He likes them on the younger side. That's old news. Weird that it's not part of our cultural knowledge, but that's old news. The only new thing is, I guess there was a flight with some

underage girls on it and they were leaving because of bad weather and they're like, you know what, let's go to Trump's casino. So they called Trump and they went to his place that's not that incriminating i mean he owns a destination right like casino they're not allowed in the the idea every step of the way you know they're not going to hit the slots they're going to get their slots it that's a sick line all right those don't you yeah that was outstanding if people don't know trump these are hotel casinos and uh that's where they went as a destination landed lolita express there and and hung out at trump's hotel it's not a good look

but it's not really a smoking gun either in my opinion yeah i think we're getting a real like whatever epstein list like i think all the real stuff's been curated the evidence has been destroyed there's a reason it took years and now it's just going to be more of the same there's a thing it'll be a few people that come out and they'll be like oh wow bill clinton and alan dershowitz are on it people have been saying that for years now like there's not going to be a huge big bomb of it i don't think the dershowitz thing is interesting because he's the most incriminating new information that i'm aware of they literally they're like underage girl gave him a massage fucked him and dershowitz is like yeah she later

said she wasn't sure it was me so like i'm kind of innocent i'm like i don't know about that sounds like she got some pressure that guy seemed skeevy as shit i i thought it was hysterical that it was that david copperfield's name was on the list a couple times and that uh and that uh steven hawking was because like that mathematician should be able to know if girls underage do you think i saw pictures of him i don't know if they're shopped they usually are but you know it's him sitting there all eh all decrepit on like hard a chair by a pool like laid out and i i'd never seen him lay him out like that they usually keep him in that little thing and he had like a couple girls with him who looked i i didn't think they looked underage but they didn't look old he was never doing physics it was all age of consent work

like there's no way his dick worked well if if it did but him being on the island that tells me something was working down there you guess Some kind of exoskeleton. I know he was kind of a saucy, spicy guy. He liked his porn a lot. So I don't know if he's jerking off or just appreciating the female porn. Zach, do a little Googling. Find out if Stephen Hawking's cock still worked. Yeah, I would love that.

Please look into that. Is he capable of defiling a young maiden? That's all i need to know so there was something oh there's some connections that make trump look bad like i get so you guys might remember epstein got busted and got a real sweetheart deal and basically got set off free for nothing and then he got busted again at which point he eventually killed himself um in in prison or died in prison yeah so uh the first sweetheart deal it seemed like he got that because he was so well connected and the guy who gave him that

sweetheart deal the prosecutor became trump's labor secretary like so a lot of people are like man this guy's really tied in and trump hooked him up with the sweetheart job after he got epstein off when trump could have been in hot water but this this is all a little, I feel like Alex Jones here, right? I usually demand better evidence than this. Epstein was very connected. He had little inroads everywhere. He was running a honeypot to basically blackmail politicians. But the guy that gave Epstein his sweetheart deal became Trump's labor secretary. And I ask myself, Woody, would you convict a guy you like you know if you had

evidence that flimsy and i'm not sure i would so i'm trying to be honest i heard uh i was watching that uh that podcast with the cia guy um john kirakow or something like that he's written a book about it anyway um he was they asked him and this is recently it's like a week or so ago a month or two ago when the uh yeah palestinian thing first kicked off they asked him, and this is recently, it was like a week or so ago, a month or two ago, when the Palestinian thing first kicked off, they asked him about Epstein and also about the Palestinian thing. And he thought that Epstein was a Mossad agent because Ghislaine Maxwell's father was a known Mossad agent,

like a famous Mossad agent. So the idea is that it's what Taylor said. It's a place where he's clearly bringing influencers and powerful people from all over the world, not only for the purposes of maybe running video and audio for maybe pressure to put on them, but also he said that Mossad would, it would be very valuable for an intelligence agency

just to be able to get amongst those people and get them in a room and talk to them. Maybe not about like, you fucked a boy and talk to them maybe not about like you fucked a boy we've got it on tape now your company does this maybe just like you do a lot of business in the middle east you know you you rub elbows with the chic all the time could you put in a good word to the chic about my friend alan alan needs a meeting with mr dershowitz could you come in here alan wants to meet the chic and it's a bad look to do so publicly, but you know the Sheik. Could you? And the idea of an intelligence agency being able to pull strings and put people together and manipulate and just get that information.

They talked about how the CIA has this program where they're not allowed to work in certain places, certainly on American soil, supposedly. But also in certain places around the world, it's tricky to get in. There's no way you can send some Mormon white guy over there and have him get, but we have businessmen here who do business there. So those white men with suits walk right in there with the sheik and the sheik pats him on the back because we're all in cahoots together, like doing legitimate business. And so the CIA recruits people like that. He suggested that as much as it might be a blackmail thing, although he didn't like the idea of blackmail. And this is a guy who blackmails

people for a living. He's like, nine times out of ten, they kill themselves. He said they'll either rat themselves out to their own people because they're not going to deal with a filthy American or they'll kill themselves. He said that's what usually happens they asked about epstein i think that blackmail had a good deal to do with it i just want to get this in here

zach looked it up apparently stephen hawkins dick got hard and worked that dog that investigative journalism monster yes that monster he was he was using his crippled penis on all those poor victims yeah i guess he probably needed the guy to help him get laid i mean i know you know he just he just really you think he's got the riz he types into his fucking cleco vision baby you look stunning dude every woman wants to fuck a light bright and that's exactly what he is just plug your make him festive yeah if we get a great mind like stephen hawking isn't it was he even smart what what what was he up to i was really figuring out i bet there were i bet there were real signs i bet he was a steve jobs i bet they were real signs that radiation escaped from black holes and hawking

radiation they named it after the man yeah because it means that black holes will eventually shrink and just like dissipate instead of just collecting losing energy yeah they're losing energy and giving it back out and they'll eventually go away. Dude, I can make a million theories about something that will never happen within the window of human existence. Make one. Actually, the black holes are gaining

energy. Mr. Hawking. And it's called Taylor Radiation. You dumb, dead retard. You fucking legless dumbass. Oh, and you can't test it because it's a billion jillion miles away and it's dark matter. You think you're so smart? Well, let's arm wrestle. Yeah, you think you're so smart? I'll beat the shit

out of you. I would have held him in the surf. I would have held his limp body in the surf at St. James Island and bullied him. I would have been like, hey, where are the real scientists, you fucking Steve Jobs piece of shit? You didn't come up with anything. Is that right, Stephen Hawking? The good news is you're here at st james island you're about to get fucked the bad news is it's

taylor what if what if he was part of the offering there right it was like some rich chic and they're like we have all these underage kids for you and at your request a crippled man from manchester born in the 30s you You think she's soft? Where do you meet Stephen Hawking? He has no muscle mass at all. Dude, he's the veal of partners. No muscle mass. Soft as the veal.

47-year-old veal. Yeah, covered in bed sores on his bony ass. Fuck Stephen Hawking. That guy sucks. I'll take he's dead I'm glad you're right that guy sucked he did suck you're not making any points

Kyle I like Stephen Hawking he was in an episode of Star Trek it was pretty fun he always had a sense of humor yeah it was like Data goes into the holodeck and he's like give me I want to talk to Einstein, Stephen Hawking and and I don't know, Socrates or somebody, Da Vinci, whatever. They just bring Stephen Hawking in

instead of getting an actor. Was it Next Gen? I don't remember. It's like saying, I like Johnny Depp. He was in Walking Dead. I think they play poker. They play poker. That's what it is. He's playing poker with Einstein. Hawking has this little robo hand holding his cards up for him

or whatever and he's cracking jokes of course because apparently johnny depp wasn't walking dead but he played a decapitated head for just a few seconds oh that's neat i i had a one of my girlfriend's friends was in um it was actually in the episode where uh merle dies if you remember back then well i um i don't remember exactly how it went down but sure i remember that yeah it was during oh yeah he died heroically in an outpost of some sort yeah he like i think the governor was about to kill all of our main characters and maybe merle shows up and was like no you won't or whatever and like die trying but she's in that scene because she's some girls have big eyes she has some big eyes she's just got these peepers and when they put those contacts in there there's like a muddy brownish yellow.

And she goes, ah, it was like, fuck, you're a really good zombie. This is great. Like, like,

that's cool. They were, uh, they're hanging out at Norman Reedus's bar, you know, because Daryl has a bar down there where they filmed the stuff. And, uh,

I think that they met like what the casting director or somebody like that. And he was like, your eyes, madam. And ended up getting on the show. It was cool. I used to work with a woman who had really big eyes, just like extraordinarily large. You could practically see the backside of them. And she told me that when she was a baby, they were all talking about how adorable she was because she had these big eyes.

And I didn't say anything but in my heart i was like you know they're not attractive at all why why even bringing attention to those eyeballs it's weird where they feel like you're a head injury away from popping out like a fucking dog you ever see those little dogs its heads are yeah the eyeball ratio was off it's like bug eyed was she bug eyes yeah she was bug eyed and just like it was like her eyebrow is this part of your body called

like a crown or something it was too high brow okay and and her help me again cheeks upper cheeks were too low it was just this huge pocket for her bug eyes that were too far forward and uh it's just a lot i had a there's this um i don't know what you call it syndrome disease whatever that causes your eyes to like bulge not get bigger i don't think but maybe um but they

bulge to barbara's um there's an actress she's the she's that curly headed like uh is it barbara streisand um there's an actress who has it she's she's in that movie with uh the baseball movie where they're um fucking the old catcher and everything anyway i think it's barbara streisand but i had a makeup artist who had the same thing and he was explaining to me that like yep no cure they just keep getting bigger and bigger and bulging more and more and his eyes were like coming at you already i was like man that sucks yeah i don't know what it's called always looks like like someone locked you in the the depressurizing chamber in space you're about to there was a lunch lady who was bug-eyed at my middle school and it kind of

spooked me I do remember that they always get space depressurization wrong I'm pretty sure we exist at like one PSI or something no and then go ahead do you know this better than me I feel like if I open the door to a spacecraft no one would get sucked out

we will not get sucked out it will absolutely do exactly what oh now I don't know about a door. That's going to be a whoosh. But, like, the same way in an airliner. But if there's, like, a pinhole, then you just stick your thumb over it. Like, in Alien Resurrection,

there's a part where they kill the alien by making a hole in the, like, glass window with some acid, and it, like, sucks the alien, spaghettifies it through that hole until it's disemboweled and sucked. Nothing like that. You stick your thumb right over it. It's like a piece of gum, whatever, because we're at like, I think one

atmosphere is, I'm gonna get this wrong, 12 or 13 PSI or something like that. It's a really fun experiment. You can take a, an aluminum can, put a little bit of liquid in it, grab it with some tongs, put it over your burner, get it boiling in there. So it's creating steam that's traveling up through it and then upend it very quickly into a, like a basin of water so just so that the the top is submerged and you've created a vacuum inside of there because that steam uh was present but now that it's cooled down the steam's gone and a vacuum is inside there so just the atmospheric pressure that we exist in here that's pressing on us all the time that we don't notice crushes the fuck i believe you but i would not qualify that as a very fun experiment you can do it to a 55 gallon drum though and the whole drum goes that's pretty

neat try that on mythbusters and it didn't like they had to like do a lot of extra work to get it to they busted a tanker to crumple it was a. I think it was a I don't know if it was a Breaking Bad one that they did but they were trying to get a tanker to collapse on itself to the submarine, the implode. And they had to do a lot of extra work. They had to get a really weak tanker

because they just kept trying to with steam, pressurize this tanker to the point where it would just crumple on itself and they had to they had to do a whole bunch of extra stuff to get it to do it but you can do it with barrels you can do it with cans i think it is you know what i have a neat experiment taylor might not call it very fun but hear me out you have a campfire and you have a bottle of water right this is a plastic bottle like you get at every gas station if you put this bottle of water in the campfire it won't melt it doesn't burn you would think it would the water will boil and the part that doesn't have water in it will go away so it'll become like a cup but as the water evaporates

the bottle drains but the water only gets to 212 degrees. That's it. So it keeps the plastic cool enough that it doesn't melt and spill out the bottom. Ah, okay. I've done it many times. Now, Kyle, that's what you call real. Yeah, Kyle, get on my level. Okay, I was just crushing barrels. The power of the gravity that's sucking air down onto it.

Good noob. Chris, hit us with a real fun experiment. You came to the right guy. Something about ghosts. I used to light Q-tips on fire in my basement with petroleum jelly. Ah, 400 in a row, flammable. You know, we're learning.

And it just keeps on going, everyone. Still just as beautiful and entrancing as ever. It was either that or it was like lighting axe cans on fire in a ditch. Every problem I bring to her, she just falls with Vaseline. I'm like, not even like Neosporin.

This feels like 1930s technology. She's like, it's never been beaten. Little Windex, Vaseline, spigot span span you're good to go that's how you windex and vaseline yeah remember the what was that fucking movie uh oh i can't believe i remember this my big fat greek wedding okay that's that was the movie where the the greek old lady was like what do you do for like a cough windex what do you do for you know a rash windex no matter what a little

windex on you you're good to go yes vinegar in some places it's butter they put butter on everything i don't know what culture that is but it's a france south south southern yeah we were a vaseline family not a windows family what would you use my mom my mom used it for taking makeup off. And so we just had a giant tub of it in the bathroom. And then I, of course, would use it for science. Yeah. Like Q-tips on fire.

Oh, I thought you were... That's about it. I thought you meant jacking off. You can't masturbate with Vaseline. Oh, my God. You can try. What a slow... When you're 12, you're just... When when you're 12 you're just trying stuff man

that's too viscous there's nothing too or not viscous enough when you're 12 and you're experimenting with new things to jack off with yeah don't you think about that a lot? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You go take some of your mom's nice expensive lotion, jack off with that, and then the rest of the day, you're just walking around. You're just walking around. It's the size of a bottle cap,

and it costs $130. Yeah. Then you're walking around with your hands and dick smelling like lilac for the rest of the day. What's that smell? It smells like my lotion. Shut up, mom. You think that's bad.

My dick looks 10 years younger and I'm 12. I can't get my makeup off. There's no Vaseline. I thought I grabbed lotion, but I grabbed that fucking suntan lotion with the bronzer, and now my hand and my cock are as black as gold. This doesn't wash off in three days.

Looks like an Emmy, whatever the gold one is. I'll never go back. It's shining. Yeah, what did you jack off with as a kid everyone that's um that wasn't on the topic list when you weren't when you guys weren't going dry what were you doing you need it never dry because that's weird um lotion um some sort of but not uh like any sort of fragranced lotion because that'll burn that thin, watery lady shit. You need a good like Vaseline intensive care lotion.

That's so it so it doesn't like dissipate on you mid jerk. I don't be going back for more. You know what I mean? That's fair. That's fair. You need something with sticking power, staying power. Yeah. I don't want to be enjoying yourself.

And then, oh, oh, my goodness. Now I got to get up and fucking crab walk to the bathroom but if anybody other wants a wants a if you can't afford wet platinum which is the finest of of silicone masturbatory and sexual lubricants um coconut oil is like cheap healthy good for you i don't think it messes up most vaginas uh it's it's a good lubricant that you can you can and it like stays at room temperature it's solid so you kind of reach in the jar and scrape some off the top and like liquefy

that's the part I like about coconut oil the least oh I like it it reminds me of that soap from high school that was a powder that you had to get going first no I don't like the extra layer of work that powdered stuff around the shop sink I don't want to have to melt the l Yeah, that powdered stuff around the shop sink.

I don't want to have to melt the lube down. But I guess... 12-year-old me wasn't worried about what it would do to a vagina. That was in the bottom of my priority list. And also, I didn't have access to wet platinum as a 12-year-old boy. Yeah, so you were using just... My mom wasn't using that to wipe her makeup off, so I didn't have any in the house. Yeah, you were just using tons of Vaselineeline every time your mom opened the vaseline can there were

like four fingers just one small quarter-sized hole right down the little quarter you're being generous with the quarter there's there's like four big finger scoops and then just a pube ah i got a son that double dips. He's got endurance. He's got this. He must have been going for a while, and then he came back from the warm. Nancy Drew in the case of the Vaseline pube. What's being found?

Boxcar children mystery. Yeah, I would use, I would either dry it, which was never as good, or whatever lotion was about. And I remember there just kind of being lotion around in every bathroom, most bathrooms, like as a kid. And so it really wasn't my family. Yeah, it wasn't a huge deal to find it. I remember when I was like 11, I was jacking off in the shower. And at that time in my life, shampoo was the only thing slick enough in the shower to be jacking off in the shower. And at that time in my life, shampoo.

That was the only thing slick enough in the shower to be jacking off with. And so I was using probably 10 and 1. 10 and 1. Unfortunately, it was Rogaine. You grabbed the Rogaine instead, though. I just grew a thicket all over my shaft. Yeah, I remember having a good go of it from probably most of my 11th year and thinking in my head, like, I got this down pat.

Take a shower, crank one off with the shampoo, and then somehow it got really frothed up up and on maybe the downstroke i got a good deal of shampoo in my penis hole and it was the first time that it ever happened i was like and like had a little mini freak out realized what it was and and have never never went back never went back i'm on a 20-year streak i guess now i'm not jacking off with shampoo because i got scarred by by like because i remember it p it hurt it burns to like p the next p after that and i was like oh fuck hope this goes away and it did like the next p so don't do that i used to take the longest

fucking showers they i didn't get out until we ran out of hot water. My whole family, I'm convinced, was convinced that I was jacking off in there, but I wasn't. They'd be outside the door like, what's he doing in there? I'm not jacking off, I'm just depressed. A lot of sit-down showers.

Maybe if I hit drubity, I wouldn't be so depressed, but here I am. No leg hair. Maybe I here I am with no leg hair no leg hair damn were you crying in the shower no just it was warm and no one bothered me

damn man yeah when I was doing that I was jacking off I was thinking post hockey practice post whatever's going on did you have a shower did you have a bedroom to yourself or do you share me yeah yeah i had yeah i had the um fourth floor to my house like it was all mine i don't know i guess i was just like imagining you sit like going to the shower to find a safe place feels like one of those eight brothers and sisters kind of like solutions i had like my own living room and couch and stuff

uh across the like no one else used that floor of the house sounds excellent wow that that's fancy i didn't feel maybe i'm describing it as a little more fancy than it really was like it wasn't a new home or anything but it was a lot of space and privacy what about you chris did you have siblings you had to hide your jack off uh behavior from no we did it together uh all right from the first one down gets the controller for i went again i went again no it was you're also three years younger than me and you can't do it. I had the whole basement. We had a sort of finished basement.

I had the whole basement to myself. I had the same thing with a couch and a TV and shit. I had the run of the basement. No bathroom down there though. You didn't need it. You had the whole basement. Anywhere I wanted. Laundry room, tool room tool room anywhere i wanted um but yeah so i didn't really have any issues sharing that's good did so did you guys like you know the old uh 4chan post of the the cum shoe box

oh i just came in the same shoe box for like six years and it started yeah it was like that simpsons episode lisa's tooth where a little society developed they started advancing in technology i never actually knew anyone in real life that had a story like that i never knew it or at least not anyone that told me and i know i never like kept like i never had a place where i like came on you know what i mean did There's usually other warning signs to a person before you get to that. I would come in a towel and then wash it. Yeah, I wanted to destroy the evidence right away.

I'd just get in the laundry right away. But I would come in a towel or something. You're so hoity-toity. I had a hand towel. I don't want to lay it around getting smelly. Get too crusty, and I'd be like, this is actually starting to hurt. I need to swap this thing out and then you're like like you throw it in the hamper and then you're like

child mind it's like now no one who picks up that towel i have any idea that it's not just a towel i used to dry the shampoo off myself solid heart shape of a towel. It's like starched up. You drop it and it shatters. You drop it and it's the shape of my dick. Like a ghost. Man, there's one really stained. Did someone do a wash with bleach? There's a weird discoloration on this. On Woody, the towel that says Woody on the tag.

It's like when you throw shoes in the washer and you can hear it bouncing around inside yeah did you ever like you you were having to hide from your sister and your parents kyle but you were just coming right in the towel and then right in or in in toilet paper something like that for immediate paper doesn't i don't i i i just don't see how toilet paper gets the job done or tissue and i would you call me to tissue? How many tissues is it going to take? Let them out that your parents notice.

I promise you, if I use tissues to deal with my ejaculate, then I would run out of tissues long before I ran out of ejaculate. Okay? I cum a lot. I take Locke and Loat. You do. Premium, premium cum enhanced formula. And it would take so many puffs that I couldn a lot. I take lock and load. You do. Premium, premium, come in hand formula. And it would take so many puffs that I couldn't afford it.

I couldn't afford it, frankly. It would run me out of household. If I got sick and my mom was like, and I was home from school, I'm like 12 years old or whatever, and she brought me like a box of puffs or kleenex or whatever to blow my nose i'd had like maybe blow my nose once get through the whole box of puffs in my three day uh my three day sick period if i was sick for three days and she was out running errands you're 12 it's like i'm going to i'm jacking off i know that room

fucking reeks well you don't but you don't get it's not a movie it's not like you can clean up your load with one tissue kyle's correct about that i think he's a little hoity-toity with it but you know you need a lot of tissues to get everything totally cleaned up and then sometimes you ball those cummy tissues together you need a couple other barrier tissues around the ball of tissue so that it's not so obvious what you've done. I don't get cum on my hand. You don't want to get cum on your hand. And then what do you do 23 minutes later

when you're feverishly horny again because you're 12 years old? You go, well, I bet I can finalize another one of these before mom gets back from paper mache you keep making layers onto the same ball of tissue yeah you just keep doing that you pay for mache it make a little sounds like a mail monday episode yeah we figured took a 13 year break off of it and now we're storming back into mail monday jack off discussions so many of those related back in the day your mail mondays woody oh that's so funny yeah yeah i used to so i would get a ton of um youtube used to have like email for the functionality

built into it we could write letters to people and i mostly got it from there and i i don't know like i try to help someone but i'd also grab some like title bait you know grab that one and yeah the sex stuff would usually be one almost every episode i took a lot of heat for it too really but yeah a lot of people felt like my topics were too risque for my audience and like a part of me like i see their point part of me is like i don't know like someone has to talk to people about this stuff and i was trying to give good honest adult advice that's funny i never thought of those as like offensive like oh there were some like i i remember one uh a guy was like hey he was getting he was like a older teenager call him like 16 and he said he took too long to finish during a bj or no he asked

how he could take longer to finish during a bj and i'm like your target is wrong your goal is all backwards you and her are in a cooperative effort to get to the finish you're not trying to hold out this is it's an endurance is it like in, maybe you can finish too quickly. In a BJ, if you're done in two and a half minutes, she's not mad at that. It's okay. She feels good. She's like, damn, I sucked the soul out of that guy. Exactly. I just

educate, I guess, old teenagers about BJs are not meant to be slow. Then they get back to work on little St. James Island. With their newfound knowledge of how to be slow. Then they get back to work on little St. James Island. With their newfound knowledge of how to please men. There was one.

The guy I'm trying to please is a fucking fake scientist quadriplegic. And he's in a mech suit that keeps this fun. He likes me to flirt with him in binary. Dude, like three times in mail monday one i did it with fps russia as like my partner we and i try to pick ones that were obviously jokes and scams one guy wrote me like 10 years later and said that it really upset him

that i didn't take his serious problem seriously which one i don't know i don't remember yet but i i'm like no fucking way that was a real letter like i'm still not sure if i made a mistake in choosing that one and making it a joke or if he was like trying to troll me yeah four years ago i remember that so well like like uh i can vividly remember sitting next to you with your your bunk bed up above the thing and and and uh um us going through those things and recording that mail monday i remember that room so well it's so weird to like be in that room after you've seen it for years on you know the screen or whatever that's always weird i remember

when i went to wings's room because i've been in there before too it's like you've been there too yeah it's it's weird to go in there and like like you've only seen it through this little portal and then now you're in the three-dimensional space it's bizarre anywhere yeah yeah every once in a while i'll like i don't we were talking about maps as decoration and i just like did one of these guys and showed that i like that yeah and uh like i imagine if i'm a viewer it's like what whoa i never get to see over there like that's a secret part so i don't let anyone see the pile of boxes and junk often like this is a very selective view if you look over there's junk there's like boxes and trash over there for my move and like that's pretty much both sides i'm like you just see this box

that's about it you will not see anything else just the vhs collection the guitar that that pile of junk yeah you can see that pile of junk i like the guitar back collection, the guitar. That pile of junk. Yeah, you can see that pile of junk. I like the guitar back there. Having a guitar and all. Oh, don't admit that. Should I go get mine that I also can't play? I can play. You can't play?

Of course I have a guitar I can't play. Every white man over 35 has at least one guitar he can't play. I have a few years. I got to learn guitar in the next three years. A time will come when you're like, worst case scenario, it looks cool on a wall. That's what I'm going for, yeah. Did you used to be able to play guitar, Chris,

and then you just kind of fell out of practice? I could play acoustic guitar a little bit, but electric guitar I learned is a much different thing. You have to learn lots of different thing. Like it's, you have to learn. It's like lots of different chords. You're not just like strumming. It's a lot of,

it's a lot of bullshit that I have yet to conquer. So it just looks cool. Dude, I could play like all the notes in a bunch of songs, but it just didn't sound like music. Like some sort of like rhythm expression type gift is not there for me. And I'd learned all the fingering, but it sounded like shit.

Yeah. One that's easy is piano. Piano is a lot easier. I learned I, cause I had always done the thing where you try to like learn songs before you actually know how to play an instrument. You just learn what to hit and what to strum. And then now I'm actually trying to like go through and like learn from the

beginning the right way. And piano is miles ahead, easier than guitar. I've learned. I have a friend who's succeeding at learning guitar. And he says that both Gibson and Fender have really good phone apps that walk you through it. And I don't know how it works exactly,

but I mean, you can forget it'll tune your guitar with you and tell you if you're playing it well and suggestions and he seems to think it's great i'm going to skillshare for piano and that's been going good that's a lot easier but what is that you got like a tutor um no it's like a skillshare like a course but like where a guy goes through and he's like teaching you one like the notes and then like learning like oh that's how every chord is done and it's like once you like learned a few fundamentals it's like oh okay everything makes sense and he's kind of going through like every step along the way and there's so it's not like a personal thing it's like a pre-recorded course something about

piano just seems to make much more sense the way it's laid out yeah whereas guitar like it's i never made sense of it how like you know exactly yeah to that one like it's, I never made sense of it. How like, you know, this goes into that one, but it's all, it's not in a straight line configuration like piano. Like you can memorize chords on guitar, but it's like, but on piano, it's like, oh, this is a C. And then every chord is this distance away from each other. And then you just go along the line and like, everything's kind of the same in that way.

And it makes so much more sense. My fingers don't want to do the uh the fingering correctly they lock up and they like lock and pop and shit it's real frustrating i got baby hands so i can like barely reach half the core i'm like like every time i want to like reach around and grab it two of the fingers on one of my hand don't work really so i've tried to play left-handed i'm like i can strum with my left and then i'll finger right which is backwards. But so much of the world

out there, you would have to like invert in your head and then play it in reverse because I'm playing left-handed and that worked against me a little bit too. I forgot about that. Yeah, that's a huge impediment. I wouldn't even attempt it if I didn't have like that's rough. I don't know. I wish

I always want to play a musical instrument. It seems like a cool idea. Just like speaking Spanish. Someday you'll have the time. I just get so annoyed with it. That is what held me back. It's not that at all. When I was trying to learn the guitar,

I maybe spent a month at it you know and i'm like going along with the guy on youtube and it's like it's going okay he i can't remember exactly but but he sort of taught you a little fundamental and a lot of song and i appreciated that because it's like let's make this fucking thing make some music this week could we get a little music out of it this week and not play it like it's like a ding dong Let's not do that for six years until we play like

some Marty Robbins or something. You want to bust it out at a social event within a month. I know! I want to hear something that sounds like music come out of my hand. I would always try to go too into it like i try to like jump into it too fast i'm like i'm like i want to learn a song right now and i'm like now i'm just doing like the 30 minutes a day shit where i'm like okay if

after a few months if i'm doing it every day for just a little bit i feel like that'd be better than me just trying to like go right into a wall and like learn a song right away because that's what I've been doing and that hasn't worked out. 30 minutes a day? Yeah, I can manage that. You need 10,000 hours, 20,000 days. But that's to be like a master at something, I think. That's not to just figure it out. They say that, but...

How long is 20,000 days? Can't be more than a few years. Why is that relevant? It's 10,000 hours 000 hours right isn't that what you said yeah but he said half an hour a day so like 20 000 days i'm not really setting myself up for mastery right now yeah so it'd be like 10 so it'd be is that 70 years 54 years 54 years 54 years and i'll be half decent huh you'll be the i can't wait the cat's pajamas in the nursing home maybe i'll bump it up to 45 minutes a day i'll be 104 you will be so good at playing wonderwall coolest geriatric

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I still stand behind Mountain Monsters. I think you would just thoroughly enjoy that. You would thoroughly enjoy that. I'm perked up! I was like, no. Oh, I love a good TV recommendation from a subject matter expert. I'm telling you, Mountain Monsters. I'm telling you, these guys, they

know their shit. No, that one is fun to watch. What network? So it's, I think it's Travel Channel, but it's on like Discovery Plus, which I have. I've got it. I have two Discovery Plus subscriptions because one day, like I had it through Amazon and that's how I would like, Amazon Prime is where I

do all my recording for my shows or whatever. And one day, the one day I went to go get footage for a video, Amazon prime video was down for whatever, like the one day Amazon is down. So I had to go to discovery plus his website and then re sign up. So you can get it through them. They also upload a lot of shit to YouTube. So you can get it,

you know, like almost full episodes on there sometimes. But that one if you really want one that will make you feel just genuinely bad milf manor on tlc milf manor is that like a bunch of milfs in the house trying to rope some some guy in so it's one of those like island resort shows like bachelor type shows and there's a a lineup of milfs and you're like okay this is already like it's called milf manners it's gonna be trash and then they're like okay let's see like who are the guys gonna be and then they like open the curtains it's their sons

they're dating each other's sons and that's the show yep and that is like i think there's nine episodes i've covered four and they're like finish the show finish the show and that's the only show i've watched where i'm like i don't want to watch another second of this are the sons like overly supportive of their moms getting laid they're not excited about it i'll say that oh see the opposite would be funnier if there's some there's some that are like that tony you have failed the cooking challenge and now if you want to stay in the manner you have to finger your mom in the hot tub oh it's like it'll be like like there's awkward moments sprinkled in where like one's like they do these challenges where it's like reveal a secret and one of the moms is like i slept with

my son's best friend and then the son's like like through like the next episode he's just like he's in the pool by himself like i don't have any friends fucking jared what you didn't say is my best friend's 11 yeah that one that one's not bad because it's awkward because like awkward weird shit is like my bread and butter like that's that for a video. But what I don't like is the love triangles and all of the drama. That shit gets so tiring with 12 moms. I like the reality show I like is Gordon Ramsay's like... Kitchen Nightmares?

No, no, no. I like the one where they're competing. He like uh i don't know 25 chefs and they compete over the weeks i like there are a few other judges in there like a couple others yeah yeah yeah he's got he has his trio of judges it's a good show um and and uh there's 13 seasons of it maybe i've seen it all i'm watching it right now you know like it's the one where they let that blind chick win that time and i got super salty about it i just get clips like i get i get the good clips where it's like like chef like stuns gordon ramsay with his dish and blah blah i always get the positive one so i i don't see the negative i always see going to be like that is incredible and like he's just like stunned oh it's the negative stuff that you want though that's better the first like the first two episodes of every season those are the episodes

that are kind of like that beginning phase of american idol back in the day where they're just getting raw auditions in front of them almost so like gordon will be like everyone peel a peel potatoes and he'll just make them peel potatoes for like 30 fucking minutes and everybody's got cuts everybody's bleeding and bandaged like they've got medical staff on hand he's just torturing them and then he comes back and judges how much waste there is in their peelings and whoever was the the wasteful people get a meatly cut like like you're out of here how much potato can you waste and they're all bloody and it's like damn dude this was grabbing cooks from the back of an applebee's like they're just getting the bottom of the barrel for half of them oh if that yeah sometimes they'll be like the same way in american

idol someone would have no idea how to self-evaluate they i think that i'm like on the same levels maybe celine dion you know one of the great singers of our time i i truly believe that everyone says so and then and you're like all right like she seems like she's for real she's maybe she's pretty too and then she gets up there and she sounds like rosanne bar singing the national anthem it's a complete joke of a performance there's plenty of people who cook like that they'll make like i don't know squid ink pot roast or something yeah maybe like squid ink pot roast have you lost your mind this is an insult to squid and pot roasts everywhere you should be killed in public it's fun i like gordon because he can tell you he doesn't mean it anymore he's just like i

bet before the filming starts like all right everyone just remember i'm in character mean gordon's gonna be coming around later. Don't worry. Friendly Gordon will be back later. Yeah. And they go, actually. I like your impression of him. Remember, as soon as the cameras start rolling, I'm going to pretend to be a British guy who's a chief.

I just finished hunting down animals in the outback, and now I'm gonna yell at you you better quiche I love his like YouTube channel where it's just him and his house and he's like got his kids and he's like super nice and I'm like okay I like this I don't

stop yelling yeah I like his yells his yells are what keep me engaged like when I see someone mildly fuck up something in season or episode eight of the season of master chef when he starts getting real you know holding them holding their feet to the fire i don't want him to be like it's mostly good you've messed up the crust on the tapioca like i want him to go in like both hands, strangulation mode, like really like beating down with their mistake. There are some edits where they splice the footage of junior MasterChef,

regular MasterChef. And so you'll have him screaming obscenities at someone's face, like hands on his, like bent over in their face, like giving them the business. And then they'll cut to a crying eight year old who has deflated. It's just like, damn,

Gordon's giving little man hell. Did you ride the short bus here today? Is that what you've done? Making a mockery of my kitchen. Did you watch the new Chappelle special? I have not. I have not. All right. Well, I watched it because it was getting a ton of flack everyone's like this is the end of chapelle he's this is terrible and uh and and then they were saying the same thing about ricky dravet's new

special as well they're like all they do is talk about you couldn't make this joke anymore and then they make the joke and it's not funny anymore and then someone i saw someone else post here are the top two televisions in the world the television shows in the world today and it's them like back to back uh so i watched chapelle first i'd say eight out of ten like i thought it was quite funny i thought it was shorter than i would have liked i wanted more um he had he had a couple of very long stories that had like, it wasn't just one payoff. There were like two or three payoffs as the story goes on, like really good stories.

He opens with, I won't spoil his bit, but it's like a Norm, not only is it like a Norm MacDonald joke, he mentions Norm MacDonald. He tells a story about Norm MacDonald in his opening. And I won't spoil it, but the joke, the punchline or anything, but the story is, and he even does a Norm impression, which is kind of funny. He's like, my great friend, the late Norm MacDonald,

knew that I was a huge fan of Jim Carrey. He's talented in a way you can't practice. And he knew. He called, hey, would you like to meet Jim Carrey? And I was like, yes. And he got to go to the movie set, and he has a whole story about meeting jim carrey it's very funny i like the special a lot i thought it was better than his last one so everybody shitting on him was kind of weird um i thought he looked good too like physically and and like you know like he's on that joe rogan

uh he's been like he got yoked like six, eight years ago or something like that. And he's actually sized down since then. Like if anything, he's like not as big, but he looks healthy. But I thought it was very funny. I thought it was like a seven, eight out of 10, like as far as specials go. And then I tried to watch Ricky Gervais. I didn't make it very deep into that before I turned it off and watched something. I didn't like it. I usually like Ricky Gervais, but it was kind of what the internet

had claimed it was of him. Can't say this anymore now, can you? Oh, here I go. Oh, I said it didn't I? Jimmy Carr, I think, did that on one of his recent specials where he's like, we're going to get cancelled tonight. And then he just makes the dumbest jokes you've

ever heard. And he's like, I don't remember exactly. I saw a clip of it. I'm like, man man this fucking sucks like aside from whatever point you're trying to make this is just like not good was it was the joke that he was saying jimmy car that he was going to say something edgy and then he didn't or was it like he was pretending to be edgy and he'd be like i'm going to get canceled for this one white people are bad it was like i don't know it's been months so you know that's forever um but uh i remember who's to say but um yeah like i remember like watching it and like i couldn't tell him like this either has to be a bit or it's just really bad like i was in between both of those i'm like it's either one or the other it's either he's making such bad comedy that he's doing it as a bit or it's just you can't tell that doesn't

bode well for it yeah i'm like because sometimes usually you can tell like it's like this movie well i'm only 90 of the way through is it a bit it's like no it's just a bad movie he also uh the Chappelle special, he talks about the Chris Rock Will Smith thing. Topical. Yeah. Two years ago. I just got here. Was Chris saying that

the Chappelle show was not good? I'm saying the Chappelle show special is good. During it, he's talking about the Chris Rock slapping thing. And a few other... It was really good. I liked the special a lot.

I only saw the opening bit. It was a year ago, right? It has everyone pissed off, I guess, as an opening joke. Yeah, don't spoil it. I don't want to spoil the joke for Taylor. I kind of told him the beginning part. I'll watch it. I tend to like those jokes that upset people.

It's fun. I didn't find it that upsetting. I was like, I get it. He once again touched a third rail, but Jesus. If you just fly off the handle anytime someone touches the third rail, which is the trans thing, then you need to develop some thicker skin

and just be chill. I didn't think Chappelle was that... I didn't think heappelle was that like, I didn't think he said anything bad or anything that I was like, Oh, that's just kind of hateful for the sake of being hateful. He told funny fucking jokes. He told one,

this isn't spoiling. Nah, I won't do it. Um, yeah, don't spoil. Don't just spoil it. It feels shorter than it should be. If anything,

I wanted more. And, uh, and at no point, he even like sets up a joke about like this is a bad joke hey he says this is that joke that i tell and five people laugh real hard out of 20 000 and i go that's enough he like sets the joke joke up like that so i'm like yeah that is that joke yeah you just get a chuckle this time move on but uh my favorite

and i like him one of my favorite examples of like a comedian that like actually like is you know people like when they say like you can't make jokes anymore and i'm like well they did a good job as like shane gillis's new special on netflix was like one of the best specials i've seen in years is like new one not the one on you i know he did one on youtube i think but his netflix one was really good and i didn't feel like he like pulled back at all it was like stuff where it's like most people be like oh you can't say that but i'm like well he did it in a funny way and like that's the thing like half the time it's like it's like you can say offensive shit but like i think it was uh what's his name um anthony

jeselnik was on like an interview and he's like you just have to get away with it if it's funny enough for the most part you can just get away with saying some shit i agree a lot of conservative comics have been losing me lately because they just go on and on on about how they can't say things how they're getting canceled they're just complaining and whining and their old man yelling at clouds bullshit meanwhile they're making this complaint on like the jre the joe rogan experience which is like the most watched piece of media in humankind i just made that up but it might be true individually right and and they're like yeah i just can't say this anymore i'm so canceled are you fucking kidding me the more people are watching you right now than have watched anyone else do anything except maybe like a super bowl or

something you're not canceled you're just not funny all you're doing is bitching and moaning about not being able to like be more racist or something well i mean like shane gillis did get like shut down from snl and then his career got buoyed again by joe rogan and so i don't think it's like like joe is so big but he exists outside like the whole cancelable thing if someone gets canceled and it's like you can't have a show on adult swim or netflix or hulu or amazon prime and some examples of these canceled million dollars it's usually like sam allen complaining he can't he can't play a 17 year old version of the million the million dollar extreme guys sam hyde nick rochefort charles carroll those guys will never get another tv show ever they've been blackballed from that industry by adult swim and a lot of producers well i think

if they were to put like sam and those guys on jre like that's a that's a circuitous way around it because joe is his own alternative media economy almost and so you know i don't think that someone having their career destroyed certain avenues and then getting on rogan is like an evidence of oh this is not even cancel culture because like what happened to shane gillis was canceling shit oh he made funny jokes about asians and he shut him down snl4 do you remember he was he was like doing funny impressions of Asian people. So he never appeared on SNL. He never actually appeared on SNL.

They hired him and then they like looked over his previous work and saw things they didn't care for. And then like, you hired this guy? No. Well, that was Shane on SNL. He was on, I think it was, it might have been JRE. He was like talking about it. And like when he got hired on SNL, like that stuff was like coming out almost immediately and they were like telling him like uh Lauren Michaels like all that they're like it's fine don't worry about it you're good and

they were kind of like that over and over again until it was just like constant like articles and news coming out to the point where they were like you have to fire him and they were like all right yeah like at this point we have to but like it sounded like at first they were like just don't worry about it we'll get you on stage we'll get you on a show you'll be fine and i think what like really helped him was that special he uploaded to youtube which i 100 like on his channel because that's got like 40 million views and that was like all over tiktok i saw that like shorts reels everything i think that's what probably helped him get a netflix special because they're like all right you can actually do a good special like you're you know you've got it and you know yeah it's a good job special it's very good and and i like that he found a way

to laugh with uh people um with down syndrome and and instead of at them like like he does so many down a good job and and and none of them are are like saying anything bad about that people down syndrome it's like as people get uncomfortable when i talk about you tell i don't they don't know any people down syndrome they're the happiest people in the world yeah that's an example of like being able to take subjects like that and like not make it like offensive but it's like okay you're actually like you're doing a good job with the sensitive so i have a special new son and because of that sometimes i can be a little sensitive to like developmental disability jokes and uh i enjoyed his routine and he wasn't wonderful yeah he wasn't taking digs at this guy he's like this guy's cool

the grilled cheeses and i was rolling like it was really good he really does and i mean like he has such a good down syndrome face when he when he puts his his face on like like honest to god it's like that's i wouldn't ask him for directions puts his face on like honest to God. It's like that's... I wouldn't ask him for directions. Yeah, he did a great job and I appreciate that. I think he's a conservative comedian who doesn't just talk about

how he's been canceled all the time. He just does good work as opposed to like a Dennis Leary who's like, they canceled me. No, you're over the hill. You're not fun anymore. I've never seen one clip of dennis wait was he in uh was he the guy in the early 2000s 2000 the fireman the fireman

show i remember i don't know that hearing about yeah uh save me or something i've never seen an episode it's called like save me or something like that he's a fireman i've been on showtime or something it was i would see its memes and be like, no, I don't care. I'm not getting in your little world. I always see it. I haven't seen him do anything in a long time. It's Bill Maher that used to strike me as the far left guy, but it's been interesting to see him be pulled toward the center

over the last five years. I remember someone made an appearance on his show five years ago, and they brought up the menstruating men thing, and Bill bill's laughing he's like no one is saying that he's like you will be forced to agree with that they are going to force you to agree with menstruating bill who said it no so they're telling bill and bill's oh that's ridiculous no one thinks men menstruate no one thinks those things no one says says them. And like, you see like five years have taken their toll on him. And he's been pulled right to the center.

As far as I'm, maybe he's left of center to be fair, but I think so. He's way further to the right than he once was. He's right where I think I am. Right. Which is like, I'm close.

I'm sorry. I'm close. You're close to where he is. Okay. Which is like, I'm close. I'm sorry. I'm close. You're close to where he is. Okay. Um, which is like on the left, but not on board with the stupid shit, you know, like, like, I don't know if you're trans, I'm more than happy to address you with whatever surnames and stuff you want, but, but we both know, like, you're not really a boy now right like or whatever it is like i i don't know how to phrase it i think you're having a hard time so i don't i want to treat you nicely that's where i come from i don't want to have to pretend like we're in an alternate

reality although i'm happy to live in like a make-believe realm where we're all respectful with one another yeah you know like maybe you don't when you call me sir it doesn't mean that you you think anything you're just being respectful i don't know i don't know how to phrase it well either but but i don't want to be told what to say because i'm polite enough to say the right thing to begin with but if you come in and tell me that if i'm not polite it's it's or else then i start not wanting to be so polite anymore then i start want to say some slurs and say, fuck you too, you piece of shit. A lot of people on my blue team, I'll call it, didn't like that Supreme Court decision

where they said you can't consider race when you look at college applications. And I was like, I think you shouldn't. It feels racist to give preferential treatment based on skin color. Why is it good? How is that good i don't i don't get it it feels very unfair and i bet bill maher would agree with me i think with bill maher

i've always been like no matter what where he stands on anything he just has a way of saying it in the most annoying way possible okay half the time and i'm like i don't care what side you're on just you sound like a douche like every time he's like so many comedians do that in my mind not shane gillis really but a lot of comedians and we've had a bunch on the show who maybe fall into this they think they're better than everyone else they think they're smarter that comedians are some sort of like special breed who think better than pedestrians do or civilians they might call us you know like oh my god don't battle with me on the mic because i'm such a fucking super genius you don't stand a chance i don't see plumbers doing that i don't see plumbers saying you know

what i just look at plumbing in a different way than everybody else and i see things you don't see i'm a superhuman yeah no you're just a fucking professional plumber. And this guy's a professional communicator and sure he's better at communicating than most people are, but he doesn't think he's some sort of higher level of human that he has a plumber's brain that works better than a pedestrian's brain. But Tom Segura, Joe Rogan, fucking Bert Chrysler, Adam Schultz, they all go on that shit. And I could list people who've been on this show too, but I'm too polite, who do that same sort of thing and just say, I'm so much brighter and more clever and sharper than the rest of the planet. Get over yourself. You're just a person.

Well, the real thing is like... I know at least one person you're referring to. I see comedians sometimes talk about what they do as if it's a martial art. When I hear martial artists talk about like, for example, like a bar fight breaking out, it'd be over before it began. You'd be better off just not just everyone needs to walk away. I'm going to break my hands killing you all. You don't understand. This is going to set me back eight months and you the rest of your lives.

Like, like, don't do this. But then you'll hear a comedian kind of talk about like their ability to turn a phrase or write a joke and like it's mystical or something i don't know they act like it's a superpower sometimes that can be grating like i just don't understand the way a comedian's mind works ah you can't put me in that situation that's the shit that annoys you're not a human being anymore like what are you a fucking like there were some guys like that on on opie and anthony back in the day we would like say it was like a joke on the r slash opie and anthony subreddit which was the funniest forum to have ever existed and like they would make i don't remember exactly what comedian did it but they would say like yeah it was civilians they

like referred to like non comedians, like in their friend group and stuff as like civilians. And I remember even like so corny. I think Anthony made fun of him for that. Good. I think Jimmy made fun of him for that. Like, but because that is just Jimmy Norton. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. I can just imagine Jimmy. Oh, let me fucking salute. Let me fucking salute your punchline general lap a lot. Dude, like at least like once every six months, I'll be online, and I'll just get a little walk down memory lane of like, man, I wish I could just head on over to the Opie and Anthony subreddit.

Is it gone? It's been gone since 2018. If you tracked my use of Reddit after 2018, cataclysmic downfall. Hockey's still there. Yeah, but hockey just sucks now. They are the slowest highlight posters of all time. Really? MMA is on fire.

I'm talking about literally 90 seconds. 90 seconds and you have HD. That's one thing that twitter has improved a lot on i don't know if maybe it was a change that was coming anyway but since the x takeover whatever like it the sidebar that has highlights for sports is so much better like now if i want to like find the blues game highlights versus minnesota i just click one tab and it has everything relevant so i can just scroll through and it's like there's the first goal for minnesota here's the second goal here's the first goal from st louis you go on the hockey reddit and the first five posts are like gm of ottawa says that he doesn't want the players wearing jerseys with gay stuff on it and

it's like i'm looking for the recent ovechkin goal i don't care about this i'm with you so youtube is good for me i bet it exists in hockey also i i always say i don't watch the games the truth is i've been watching the games in nine minutes that's how long it takes to summarize a basketball game and i really get a sense of the flow i see some of the players play i watch the pick and roll like i you learn some by reading but you learn a little more by seeing a nine minute version of the game and i enjoy it pacing is right that is like i've getting into college football this year and following that a lot of my youtube stuff recently does that bandwagon have suspension or it's like a conestoga wagon? It's 100% a bandwagon.

It's his home team. At least I went to Mizzou. I can claim that. It's only bandwagon. I claim state. Of course, I went there. But UNC, I paid a tuition, and that should count. That's where my daughter went.

I should pull for that team. I've only got a problem if you're going to an out-of-state school there's no reason for me to support texas you know like i can't be a usc fan like no like it's got to be your like your home i'm from missouri i'm gonna root for mizzou and i went there so like and so they have a good year and so i'm gonna i'm gonna follow football and i'm gonna pretend i understand the rules and then i'm gonna have strong positions about it where like something happens and they're like pass interference and i'm like yeah I'm going to pretend I understand the rules and then I'm going to have strong positions about it. Where like something happens and they're like pass interference. And I'm like, yeah. In what world?

I have no conception of what it would mean to not. But we need to drag you into the drama filled world of MMA. Like, I can't believe that you're not fighting on this in stories. Sports guy like you don't need to be. There's drama between hockey players. OK, I don't care. Like if it's silly, I'll bring it up on this and stories sports guy like you don't need to be there's drama between hockey players okay i don't care like if it's silly i'll bring it up on this show but i don't care if there's drama about nfl players you know mizzou players i don't care like i like watching the game and then that's it dude i love it it. The difference between drama and silly is subtle.

That's true. Because you absolutely cared when that one player, it might have been Marchant or something, licked the other player. Oh, yeah. That was fun. Yeah. Okay.

So, all right. Fair enough. I do like the silly stuff. But when it's like Instagram arguing of players, I don't care about that like oh like that sort and i also like i guess i'm biased because that stuff doesn't really happen in the nhl because like they'll like like some finnish guy will get ripped on by a canadian and the finnish guy won't get it and he'll be like i agree we have so much fun on the ice together like i'm trying to hate on you mma has so many like it has real stories it's not

always like that wwe oh really you don't like the cut of my jib well come sunday night i'm gonna stomp a mud hole in your northern yankee ass it's not that it's like you went after me and and like reported me to child services, and now I'm in a custody battle for my son because of what you fellow MMA fighter said about me online. You made T-shirts with my mugshot on them, and all I ever did was say that I whooped my son when he steps out of line in a press conference when asked.

Like, that's a thing that happened. And then you got the... That was Ian Gary that did that, but then you've got, like, sean strickland cry baby drama now you got um always that doesn't that doesn't entice me the way it does you like i i i like watching the nhl because i really like i enjoy seeing the flow of the sport and but what do you know about Jagger's personality? The only thing I know about Jagger's personality is that he got blackmailed by an 18-year-old Eastern European model

who fucked him like eight years ago and then took a picture laying with him in the bed afterward and was like, Jagger, if you do not give me money, I'm going to tell everyone you fuck me. And then and was like yeah if you do not tell i give me money i'm going to tell everyone you fuck me and then he was like post it and then she posted it and everyone was like jarmer jogger rules he's the coolest guy ever and then like everybody's hot everybody likes jarmer jogger he's still playing he's a little older than woody and he's still playing in a professional league in chechia because that's where he's from he owns the team sick he owns the team and so always a spot for yarn he's fucking i wonder if he's got those hot girls that like sweep up the

ice and everything that he's he's like banging them all that that's the king move i bet he's getting wealthier than they used to at the very top level like if you go back to when i was young right the best players in the league that dr j charles barkley etc they weren't rich it wasn't until jordan came like they were well paid but they weren't rich they're like wealth in comparison to the owners of the teams, that gap has shrunk. LeBron James is a billionaire with a B. Michael Jordan, is he a multi-billionaire? I don't even know.

Probably. Yeah, it's something about his Nike deal was absurd. Something about, I can't remember. He's got all the Hanes. Every time, right? He's had so many different things. Hanes for years. I don't know if he still does. in some way yeah every time right um and then you know he's had so many so many different things at haynes for years i don't know if he still does i remember gatorade are you a sports

guy chris do you follow any of them not really what what did you play uh what did you play i bowled in eighth grade you bowled in eighth grade were you a good bowler well they put me with a sixth grader so i wasn't the best i literally joined did it have the the things in the gutters it didn't have the rails i was eighth grade i could have used them but we didn't but no i like joined to play with my friends and i was like this is gonna be great i'm gonna we're gonna play we're gonna be we're gonna eat fries and shit like that all night long and then they're like all right we're gonna put you on jv with the sixth graders I'm like cool and uh yeah that that's that's about where that my sports ended I didn't really play sports you were a jv bowler in eighth grade wait so you only you only bowled that was the only sport you played growing up i played t-ball when i was a

kid but i didn't really i didn't get like coordination and all that shit until after high school that's like when like i started to be able to like throw and catch a football and shit like that like that for whatever reason didn't click until like after high school bad timing i'm the worst t-ball player i've ever even heard of how were you it's just as bad. It was right there. Did you strike out ever? Yeah. Yeah, me too. It was right there. There's no world I could strike out in T-ball.

I can show you how. Taylor, these are the kids that were defeated by the pinata. These are the kids. Kyle and I were bullying you guys. Kick the shit out of me. I hate to throw stones at dad but he worked a lot he owned his own accounting firm and he was kind of getting it off the ground and whatever and he didn't really play catch with me or anything so i sucked and when i went up there at the t-ball thing i would face the pitcher you know how you're supposed to move your shoulder and you hit like that? Not me. I'd face the pitcher.

Swing like that. Meanwhile, the coach is like, look at that open stance. Just like Ty Cobb. His dad. The boys are natural. It makes me wonder where the coach was. How would a coach not be like, oh, you got to twist a little bit. Point towards first base.

Teach me that. My dad would have gotten you in line. He was always my coach. And he would always, like, first of all, my dad was smart. When we had the draft, he'd always get the black kids who didn't have a ride.

Nobody wants the black kids who can't get a ride to practice. We're going to pick those fuckers up. We're going to win. So me and dad, on the way, we have at least two.

Every practice that me and dad would go to their house and pick their ass up because nobody else wanted to pick them up. And we'd bring them to fucking baseball practice and then dad would teach them how to play ball and we'd whoop ass. We had those kids in the outfield running around. Those guys could cover some territory, I'm going to tell you.

They had a white kid with braces that couldn't turn a double play. Meanwhile, we got fucking Octavius out there, 6'1". I'm learning a lot here. I didn't realize what a ringer I was. They put me in the outfield as well. T-ball. or I was, they put me in the outfield as well. In T-ball.

Kyle's daddy. Kyle's daddy's picking up players whose ages could not be verified. It was like from Benchmormers, that guy's birth certificate that's like, I am 12. Yeah, I am 12 and he's got facial areas from playing. I probably would have done more sports in high school if I had a ride. My dad worked till

like 10 p.m. every night, so I was just taking the bus home and I'm like, yeah, it'd be nice to do something if I had a fucking ride. So I think that's like that was like half a why I just never. What did you want to play if you could have played any sport? I think football. I wanted to do something where I would run and catch a ball. I think that's all I could do. I was not a I'm not a linebacker. If you haven't, you haven't guessed my brother.

I think I'm quick. I'm a lot better now than i was then i i could catch a ball so much better than i could when i was fucking 15 yeah my brother he did play football he was uh uh i think he was a linebacker i don't know but yeah he actually did play football football was not that much fun. It was like once all I had said it before, all I had played at that point in my life a lot was hockey. So it was eighth grade and seventh and eighth grade that I played football. And like the momentum, the internal momentum swings you deal with in football where it's like amped up, amped up play.

And then just right back down. Just this constant staccato like high intensity nothing high intensity nothing i really did not vibe with that i didn't enjoy it like hockey through like school or was it like an act like an like extra thing like outside of school both yeah yeah i mean especially at a young age like in high school i played for the high school team but throughout all of that i played for other teams and those were my more serious do you think if you had like like if you'd had a like an olympic i i think of this like like i i would shoot sporting clays against this other kid who had an olympic coach

and it's like man i wish i had a fucking olympic coach we're winging this shit literally like if you if you grew up with an olympic coach your dad was like, oh, a little testosterone couldn't hurt. The boy's got a five o'clock shadow anyway. Hit him. Hit him. Do you think you could have gotten in? He could have made a little run at it? To the NHL?

Well, yeah, to the NHL. No, I don't think. What about a Chechnyan team where. I'm too short to be a goalie in the modern NHL. I'm only six feet tall. Well, forget goal. You're going to play left wing, left wing. See, and that was the the iffy part is I was believe that position.

I was. Yeah. Left wing, right wing center. And then defense. Like, I was not very good at hockey when I played forward i started out as a forward and it wasn't until i was like nine or something that the goalie who was supposed to play that day got hurt couldn't play they threw me in his pads and i like immediately picked it up because when we'd play at home in our unfinished basement with like friends and shit or street hockey i always wanted to be goalie because i was such a fan of like martin

bradour and ed bell for and chris osgood and patrick waugh and i would like i picked up goalie immediately because all the other kids struggled they'd be like no timmy you have to keep your your legs square you have to know where the net is even though you're not looking at it and just say square to it like be square between the net and whatever his shooting position is, and no one else could figure that out, and it was kind of intuitive for me. I'm like, yeah, obviously I know where I am. I can see the hash marks on the ice from my peripheral, and I know where I am. The ground is painted. I know where I am.

Yeah, but some people, they come out of the crease a little bit, and they get all wobbly. They don't know where they are anymore. At what level of hockey or age of hockey, I guess, is even better? Do enforcers become a thing? As a specialized position, even. That is not until, like, juniors. So, like, 18 plus. What's juniors?

Juniors is, like, minor league stuff. You go play in Canada. So, like, 18 plus, largely. Could you have done that if you set your mind to it uh some fucking ontario corn fed canadian would have beat the shit out of me until his like like there's no way i would have performed well in that role because i'm i don't think i would want to fight anyone and it's not until like minor league being paid that you're really allowed to fight like if

you get it if you get in a fight in a high school game your fucking season is screwed like they're not gonna let you come back if you get in a real row like you'll be suspended for many games they might remove you for the season they try and in non-professional hockey i'm sure like obviously you don't know this you're not that big in the hockey world in non-professional hockey leagues fighting not cool most of the time like they shut down other forms of enforcement right like you know for example you can only take three strides and check a guy yeah i bet that rule gets broken that rule does get broken and the way they solved that in the leagues i was in is that there would be on like on the kind of the nape of your neck that uppermost area of your jersey there would be a sign an octagon that said stop

on it that was meant oh really well that was meant to tell players skating at your back like if you can see the stop sign by this time I've been a goalie for a while so it didn't impact me but it was like if you can see the stop sign, don't hit him because his back is to you and you could really hurt him. Kids got smoked in the back all the time. All the time. And that was a big penalty at the time. They put a bullseye on their back. That was their

problem. Yeah. There was some interesting, some fun times playing hockey, but mostly it was stressful and terrible because you're just worried about being scored on and i remember i would i would always be looking up at the scoreboard because it would say how many shots there were and i would always be doing math in my

head of what my current save percentage was and so if like i'd let one goal in on 20 shots i'd be like 95 save percentage you're doing pretty fucking solid this is this is a pretty good game so far they score on me on the next shot and i remember in my head i'd be like fuck we gotta earn our way back now i'm close to like i let in two on 21 shots if i let in one on 22 suddenly this is a terrible game like you have to really really i was doing the math most of my time playing goalie in every league was spent when I wasn't saving the puck, looking and willing the game to be over faster. Because it's just not fun. I didn't have fun swimming.

I had fun being on a team and I had fun being good. I didn't start till my senior year and I was like instantly good because I was a surfer before competitive swimming. And I have a big rib cage, which really helps in sports where you can't breathe. So that aspect, it was fun being good. It was fun being known. But the swimming itself is just torture. And I remember I really wanted to be on a team. i wanted to have friends my friends were on teams i had one of my friends with a football player he just had this

like built-in circle of friends they were almost like a gang but they didn't do bad things but they all had each other's backs like a gang me and the sixth graders yeah this is the senior in high school i was 18 17 and uh but i can remember i'm like this is just unpleasant and it's really hard to make friends with your face in the water we all smell like chlorine and no one thinks it's cool that we shave everywhere yeah yeah oh man we shaved to win that meet and now we're all wearing pantyhose in practice and i'm not sure this is cool. Dude, I'm lucky that I was a pretty good goalie on all the teams I played for, and so it wasn't hard to be friends. I remember being on some teams, though, where my backup goalie would have to go in sometimes.

They would just sometimes say, like, hey, Taylor, we're playing a weaker team today, so Josh is going to play this one. I'd be like, all right. Always secretly like, yes. I get to sit on the bench like i don't have to play against this team i just get to chill today and like sometimes the other players on the team would be like like talking to me within the other goalies like earshot and be like gonna be a rough one today without you out there and i don't want to be like guys come on josh is like right there like like he's gonna do fine and then like a solid 30 of the

time mid-second period coach turns to me after the fourth goal taylor starts stretching behind the bench and i'd be like fuck you didn't like getting in no not on those games opposite so as they as i got better it's you know the very i said i took to it instantly but like i had to learn to flip turn and and the rules and shit like that as i was progressing and improving i was moving up the relay teams like i started on the slow relay team then the middle one then our top relay team and i was getting in more events and every time my role became bigger i was excited about that change like i was the opposite yeah it's just it wasn't fun it's not like the only fun times is when you make like a huge save that no one expected you to and then you're like high on your own farts for like five minutes where you're like i'm the fucking man

no one expected me to slide cross crease and save that one timer and i did and now everybody's so stoked on me but then other times it'd be like you could tell everyone's mad at you every like you let in one that you shouldn't and you want to be able to tell them right away because you're way in your own side and so you let one in and to them it looks like i should have got it but really it was a weird bounce and a deflection and i want to be like it was a weird bounce and a deflection no one could have saved it guys you gotta trust me i saw an nhl goal like that just recently the guy shot it slow past it it must have got as high as like shoulders at one point and it just bounced in a soft one and because i played my position when i see that

happen to an nhl goalie even like an opponent during a blues game none of me is ever like ha ha i'm always like stay strong brother stay strong you couldn't have saved that it's okay these things happen dude pucks bounce funny sometimes they do that's a piece of vulcanized rubber on ice and it's got weird edges yeah with with chips and snow and yeah it's it's what about basketball do you guys like any of you guys good at basketball because i feel like every time i play any kind of pickup game i'm like dry heaving after two minutes because of the cardio i was just interested like i had fun shooting hoops like in my driveway and shit growing up, but I didn't enjoy the sport of basketball. Yeah, my father was good at basketball. He played in rec leagues and stuff. And I think he was not that he was ever like anywhere near pro. I don't mean to say that. But in the rec level, he was a guy you'd want on your team. That was my impression of it.

That was my impression of it. I had a basketball court, like a public basketball court. I don't know, six blocks from my house. So I would walk down there and play sometimes. I'd get in these kicks where I went down and played a bunch. And God, I couldn't get good. I remember like I was just never good. I remember my father came down to watch me play.

And it was just like head, hand, forehead in hand, kind of like, oh, Jesus, this kid's not a chip off the old block you didn't come like i could shoot like half the time i can make a basket but my brother always gives me shit because i look like i'm like one of those like 1950s players that has no form because i'm just like i don't have a shooting form so i look like a stiff guy from like the 50s trying to make a shot yeah and like half the time it's just i'm not good at it all i brought to the table was cardio and and like i didn't bring either i was try hard college try yeah but you wouldn't want me on your team i was you know the other half you you go to any court half the guys you wish were on your team half the guys you wish weren't i was in that second half yep i never got into bowling enough to be on a team but i feel like now as an adult a bowling team would be kind of a fun thing to i want to do it so bad it's like it sounds like so much fun you just show up every week

to to eat onion rings yeah i have to eat wings it's part of my routine are you terrible do you bowl with the hook? You know, like, does it? What does that mean? As opposed to going straight down the center and aiming to the center pin? Or do you like? Is he putting spin on it? Or is he hurling the ball?

Like a curveball? No, when I do it, I try to aim slightly to the right of the center pin. Because I had someone tell me that. And I try and go totally straight. I don't even. I prioritize going straight over, like, the speed, the muscle of it. because i had someone tell me that and i try and go totally straight i don't even i prioritize going straight over like the the speed the muscle of it you might do for like the first round i do the same thing but i aim for the middle knowing that it's very likely i'll hit one of those two sweet spots on either side of it if i was a good gutter ball you may have a straight thing

and then like usually after like a few drinks and like by the second or third game i'm like let's do a silly one and that's when i start doing the dumb shit where you like kind of like there was this one guy and the the team i didn't get on the the team with people my age where he would like wouldn't even he put like one or two fingers in and he'd have his thumb out and he would just like wrap it back and like spin it in a way where it almost looks like it's about to go in the gutter but then it it fucking hits a you get a strike and yeah i i try that it doesn't work out as well as a chas can can you put some wild spin on it now though are you kind of like a pub stomper of bowling where something happens a girlfriend a friend of yours has a birthday there

and you're like time to shine oh i bring it if i bring a date to the bowling alley there's no mercy like i'm like we're about to get shit on and um i don't shit on usually by like after the first game if you don't bowl out your fingers are like kind of tender so then you start fucking up because of that and that's usually what happens like i'm like okay i kind of get i kind of got my stride back and then my fingers are sore and i start that's what they say you gotta look out for soreness usually like a 150 so not not anything too good but right right but that's better than consistently mediocre is my motto yeah yeah if i dirty at 150 i'm like wow luck total that's Totally. That's what Colin plays. Play my numbers. My son, Colin. Does he do it? I bet he goes bowling like three times a month. He and his

friend go there. That's pretty good. That's more bowling in a month than I've ever done. So we pay his friend. Lose? No, no. Just be a friend and uh they do the coolest shit man they go out they play disc golf they go bowling they go to like uh frankie's fun house won't mean anything to you but it's like go-karting and mini golf and shit like that and uh you are what a great dad

what he is is that a good dad or is that a bad dad? I'm not sure. He's a good father. But I'm like, this guy's got a cool job. How much money do you think you need? Pay him whatever he needs, and they just go out and fucking rock go-karts all afternoon. Kyle's about to cry over what a sweet, loving, fatherly thing that is that you do. Woody, number one father in in the comments uh but yeah so colin's uh he's gotten a little better at bowling and does his thing you said he gets like 150 have you ever done disc golf i know of it like they have that's the frisbee

thing right yeah yeah oh i didn't know if you'd ever like done it with Colin like when no no I should I wanted to take them jet skiing that was my thing I'm like dude let's go jet skiing this time I'll join you guys it'll be a blast and uh Colin was uncomfortable with it it was in the fall so it was like one of the last weeks or two it just didn't work out but this spring we'll do it we'll go jet skiing that'll be the thing i join in on just getting rocks i haven't done it since i was maybe 12 but i remember the the absolute freedom because that was the i guess that was the first and only time that my dad's friend we were at the ozarks with felt comfortable enough with like me riding his jet ski around on the lake by myself and the

freedom the feeling of like oh my god wind whipping through my hair i'm probably going fucking 35 miles an hour but it feels like you know the millennium falcon it's fun man i had a jet ski as a teenager i lived two blocks from the ocean and i was not strong enough to like drag that thing to the water but but I did it anyway. Sometimes it'd take like 40, 50 minutes, just pulling it like six inches at a time across the sand to get it into the water.

And I was a terrible mechanic. I was just learning. And almost every jet ski session ended with me holding the jet ski and swimming it in with my other hand. That was like typical. And I look back and I'm like with my other hand. That was like typical. And I look back and I'm like, my parents fucking ballsy really like it. Yeah.

What he just got jet skiing, whatever, try to get home by dinner, which I never did. And, and I would always like have like a half sunken jet ski that I swam back. Were you ever panicking in the moment where you're like, it's actually going to sink this time and i'm

going to be in so much trouble they don't sink well even when the like the the back the tail of it floats so the engine sinks and the tail floats and you pull it back in but i i was i didn't panic but there was one time we were in the uh inlet so people don't know there's two islands out and out in the ocean right and then behind them is the bay. And when the tide goes up, all the water flows into the bay. And when the tide goes down, all the water flows out to the ocean between the two islands. This water was moving. No human could swim as fast as this water was going.

And my jet ski didn't work reliably and neither did my friends. We were going out together. And I forget whose jet ski broke, but it and neither did my friend we were going out together and i forget whose jet ski broke but it got to the point where like i think the situation was maybe he was dead in the water and i had a jet ski that didn't idle so i kept trying to like go by him grab the front of his jet ski while i operated mine with like one hand knowing that if anything went wrong and I like fell off my ski, it would stall and not restart. Oh, that's what it was. It wouldn't restart. Um, and they stall automatically, like, you know, so you can catch it again. Well, that happened.

So now I have a jet ski that only starts if you pop the engine, pull the plugs, put gas in the cylinders, reassemble it and try to start it which i can't do with water so now we're both getting sucked out to sea at like 5 a.m before school and uh we don't have any like rescue plan or anything until a fisherman saw us and towed our two skis back to the back to the sand and we just managed there thank god for that fisherman yeah i don't know what happens if we don't get picked up by a random fisherman at 5 a.m before school in a week yeah somehow it was like well i better get my shoes off so i kicked my shoes off and my friend did it too and then he was mad at me for the longest time because he's like, that didn't help us at all.

And now I don't have any shoes. You're right. Why don't you just... You can't swim with shoes on. Well, they sunk. Why don't you take them off, tie them together and like... That would have been a great plan. I thought there was a lot of critical thinking on this trip. There's a lot of panicking.

I'm like 15. I don't have any brains at this point and i'm just getting sucked out to sea and thankfully i got right now you did atvs a lot as a kid do you because i remember my grandparents because we'd do it on their farm would my grandma in particular would always tell me like horror stories of supposed kids in the area where she'd be like now tyler we're trusting you to be safe here the the johnson boy you don't know him but he was just riding around on this he flipped it upside and he smashed his head on the concrete wasn't wearing a helmet now he's now he's got problems and that is not something i want to happen to you and i remember in my head like like going

out into the pastures and being like i don't need a helmet like just like taking it off just almost in fairness you might not taylor no i might not and like quickly i went back to like i should just wear a helmet because my grandpa also got me like he got us like the motocross style helmets with like that front thing and when you're wearing those it's not like oh this is a gay ass helmet you're like i'm a real racer i'm a real racist out here like you're really really killing it did you get horror stories about atvs from your parents absolutely not um we didn't own any helmets uh i didn't the idea the idea of wearing a helmet on an atv i I'm going to tell you, I think of that as some lame shit. Still. Oh my God, you could not force me

to put a fucking helmet on a four-wheeler. How fast do you think? Modern Taylor, there's no way I would. I've had some serious accidents on ATVs. Eight, nine years old? Yeah. When I was, I couldn't have been older than seven or maybe tops eight and i had a

three-wheeler probably like a 125 cc 150 cc something like that fairly big and uh i didn't know it we we'd only recently moved to that property but my dad had stretched out a line of electrical wire like an electric fence for the cattle. It's not a full-blown fence yet. It's a very temporary measure. One single strand at about my throat height if I'm sitting on a three-wheeler. And I hit that bitch going fast. And it pulled me off that ATV like a cartoon character.

It caught my throat. The ATV kept going. I got stretched and rotated and dumped on the ground and that was when i was like seven we never bought a helmet after that i held it i was prevented that no it wouldn't have helped either i didn't have a helmet on right absolutely not we didn't own helmets um uh still don't and um it's lame and uh one time though i was i own so many helmets i don't even know how nine i got my motorcycle helmet that's right never wear helmets i've got a pretty nice motorcycle anyway everybody does but um i i flipped that thing on our asphalt driveway one day i i flipped it almost over. It's tip, tip, tip, tip, tip.

I bailed off and just rolled down the asphalt going about 25 to 30 ish miles per hour. Basically naked. I had my boxer shorts on and a t-shirt. It's a weird thing. I was going on a date

that night. I'm like 15. I was whitening my teeth. So I had the grill in. I had that teeth. Yeah. Some Patrick Bateman shit. Get off me. I was trying to get some titties. God damn it. Child's right.

But anyway, a wasp landed on my thigh area and I'm in these fucking boxers. So I pull the controls and tip that thing, fall on the asphalt. I hit my left knee and my right elbow so hard that the nerve was jarred, and they were paralyzed. But that didn't matter because I was having a seizure. I don't know if the seizure happened immediately on impact

or after I'd been lying there unconscious for who goddamn could know who would know my mom's inside taking a nap dad's not home i'm unconscious in the driveway having a seizure and i remember thinking i wish i could control myself because i'm grinding my face into the asphalt and i'm afraid it's it's cutting me like i can't tell if it is or not because i'm grinding my face into the sandy asphalt that wasn't the problem though because i already taken like most of where my mustache doesn't grow off like a bunch off my head over on this side that when i like get like hot and sweaty it's still like pigments different because all the skin has been gone um like all the skin on my knee and my elbow and i can't walk

i can barely crawl and the atv is like way down there crashed into the woods because it kept going it never flipped fully it went into the woods so i gotta like crawl home and shit with my looking like a cartoon character and i that's the johnsons that taylor's grandma warned about that was me that was me and i wake my mother from i wake my mother from like an afternoon nap and i'm like mama i'm sorry mama i'm sorry mama i'm sorry and she's like what the hell what's on your face what are you doing why are you waking me up oh my god because i'm all bloody and shit it's like i took a bunch of the skin off my head. Did your date think it was tough?

I didn't make it to the date. I didn't make it. I was crippled. Your teeth look fantastic. If anything, it made dating real hard for a while because I had to go to school with Neosporin on my head. I'm like the sticky guy now.

Lint is sticking to me by third period you know like it's bad like kids yeah and kyle used to be so cool because you gotta keep like a smear of neosporin on the side of your head so you don't grow some big ass scab up there but yeah never had a fucking helmet never fucking needed one that shit's lame we had dad's dad's pastures like made in these these terraces that in the old day were cut into the ground to prevent you know a big flood washing everything away the erosion and so those if you ride them backwards are like ramp after ramp after ramp and i'd hit them as fast as that 350 would go i mean i don't know how fast fit is this a quad or a trike quad always a well it was a trike when I was a kid, but I immediately got a 300 automatic

Kawasaki and then a 350 manual. Would you still have no helmet for woods riding and stuff? Woods riding, I would put a helmet on. I think you would. I go woods riding on a dirt bike,

100% of the people out there have a helmet. Yeah, 100%. Someone probably forced me to wear a helmet out there what i'm talking about just to be clear is like the property that i grew up on that i know every inch of and it's like i don't need a helmet out here i i never fell off other than that what if it was a dirt bike i'm curious it sounds like a helmet would have helped with a sticky head oh oh and then there was one time where i didn't know it but there's like a severe ditch in the field that i hit at full speed and the front end just went down and came to an immediate stop and it throws me forward and the the handlebars twist all the way to the right and the peg hits me in the crotch like in my pubic hair area and it made a knot

there you know how like somehow you get a bruise so bad and it just becomes a knot. I had like a hard knot that you could rub and like feel for nine months or something like, like, and I cleared the bike, like it hit me. And then I went tumbling like over and like upside down. But there's so much,

the reason I didn't see the thing I hit was because the grass was so tall and thick. So I kind of had a soft landing. it was like a poof and like get up i'm like what the fuck was that kind of thing um but yeah we never had helmets man like there wasn't a lot of safety i mean i do too i've got a good one i wear i told you i was riding my bike and realized i didn't have it buckled and was like immediately scared I was like we gotta get this bitch pulled over I was doing I go to my yard and practice wheelie sometimes I'm still not as good as I want to be and uh I wear a helmet for that just in my own yard it's mostly flat it's no big deal but I feel almost naked on a bike without a helmet like a I don't drive without a

seat belt it just feels like it's missing. It's supposed to be there. I've ridden my bike around in the cul-de-sac with no helmet, but like to say ride, I just mean like do a couple loops to show somebody what's going on and then pull it back in. And it's, it's real fun to go. I don't,

I'm sure you've done everything, but to me going up a steep driveway is really fun. Just, just, I don't know. I like feeling the amount, the amount of power it has when it pulls up something steep is kind of uniquely uh interesting uh yes it's a fucking rocket ship i i still have so much respect for it i don't i've gone fast at this point but like i'm i'm like i may sell it

this year i'm i'm i think i'm done i almost put that in my 2024 predictions. I thought it, and then I was like, I'm not sure Kyle would take that well. No, I don't know. I've put maybe 1,800 miles on it or something like that. I think I'm about done. I saw a statistic graphic the other day, really a meme, so who even knows if it's accurate, but it was multiple activities, several of them that you do

and it was how many thousand hours of that equaled statistically a death and by like what percentage of applicants of participants and i was like man that motorcycle thing it seems like you put a thousand hours in you got like a it was either it was one to three percent i can't remember it was in that range of death i was like damn i'm getting there have you had any close calls like have you ever feel like you cheated there cheated big injury or something no i'm just so like when i ride where i ride is is sort of putting me in a safe position all the time already um i've taken some curves where I was scared, but the bike always has more bite to it. It just always has more. I bet if I tried to take a turn incorrectly

and lean it too far over and make a spin, the first time I'd fail at it, and I'd be like, wow, it's still stuck. It's hard to tip that thing over as long as you're keeping some torque. Chris, do you have any near-death experiences or harrowing injuries no i don't do shit so that that kind of makes it a lot easier to not die but i i have been thinking about for the last few years getting a bike

eventually every spring i'm like you know maybe i get one and then i pay my taxes and i'm like maybe next year and then but i i thought about it like the um the one i was looking at it i don't know much about bikes but the uh one of the honda rebels are like the ones because i feel like i've always heard those are better for like shorter guys which i am the seat height's really low on that style of bike yeah so i've always thought about that but i ended up that's the bike i did a lot of research the honda rep the only reason i get the rebel is because it is so low i'm six one six two somewhere in there and certainly with my motorcycle boots on i'm getting closer to six three it's it's too low but um i like that bike i like how that bike looks that's the thing yeah exactly i'm like that's like a seven thousand

dollar bike get the ape obviously you're just kind of joking around about buying one, but if you ever did one, it ain't a lot of breaks. Yeah, that's... Oh, yeah, yeah. That was one thing I stressed to Kyle. Yeah, that's the one thing I was looking at, but I kind of stopped myself. I ended up getting just a different car this last year instead, but I was looking at, like, the 500 ABS.

That was kind of, like, what I was thinking of. That's what I was going gonna get for a long time that would be a smart one to get yeah get one treat yourself they're all stupid but amongst the bad decisions you could make the rebel be a good one they hold their value well they're they're way more affordable than you'd ever think all that horsepower fun and beauty can come at like for ten thousand dollars you get a goddamn masterpiece of machinery that weighs you know 500 pounds and it's beautiful just to fucking look at i always there's been several times where i wanted to put it inside my house but that nobody ever thinks

that's a good idea like what you're saying is like knowing like where to drive it like i'm not like there's areas in my city and like where i'm like i'm not going to drive it there i don't want to be on a bike on that road but like there's areas where you know you're like okay it's not going to be like i'm not going to be dealing with like crazy traffic or like you know insane roads like there's certain areas where i'm like all right i'll i'll just kind of ride it around there or like around here there you know like you kind of know the better spots to be in i like to cruise around by steel country roads like during the week when everybody's at work you know like like uh like like 10 or 11 a.m when it's still nice and chilly preferably and just cruise around and put around and just i like

to get lost um and not use gps until i'm good and lost um and or you know the the thing that stops me every time is my my hand will get sore my like lower back will start hurting i hurt my lower back on a swimming pool when i was like 12 and nobody believed me and like it still hurt dad i wasn't kidding well like like i was like yeah my back you have a history of fibbing about lumbar issues well like what are they gonna do do? I don't know. I tried to do that thing. I think I'd seen it in a movie where you jump and then you bend backwards a little. Sort of flex your body back the way it doesn't want to go a little and then go into

a dive or a flip or something. When I did it, I must have done it with some vigor because my lower back made an audible crunch and like from then on if i sit in a certain position it's usually i remember bleachers in high school would be so excruciating for me and nobody would listen you couldn't tell the like coach my back hurts if i sit like this for too long okay yeah 15 more minutes my eyes hurt lowest whistle and it's like but sitting in those bleachers with my knees Like, Coach, my back hurts if I sit like this for too long. Okay, yeah, 15 more minutes, Myers. All right. Lowest whistle. And it's like, but sitting in those bleachers with my knees above, like, my butt, like, sort of in that.

My hip, yeah. I'm seeing a shift in my weight back and forth. My lower back's just, like, hurting real fucking bad. It doesn't really hurt anymore. Unless I'm bent over that motorcycle leaning and grinding in corners for about 45 minutes and then it's so that whole idea of driving to colorado was out i'm gonna need to get on the back of your gold wing so i can really kick my legs up i gotta get a heated seat for you bro oh i'm gonna be close enough i don't need that no i have a backrest you can't get that close i'm gonna koala bear you i've never uh had anyone on it or um been on with anyone i at least i don't remember um

i i would never do that that i'm i'm taking my own life into my hands every time i don't i don't put somebody else on there because i don't feel competent to do it either like like i know that i'm a so-so rider but i'm okay with that like i'll sit on a motorcycle with a so-so rider but but you don't need to don't get on the back here we might not come back this is on a totally different topic but something that i just saw the past i guess started seeing it yesterday uh there was this dude uh jersey jerry he works for barstool sports he's like a content funny guy and i saw on twitter that he was trending yesterday and i was like what's what's going on here so i clicked his name and he for a live stream the barstool sports office has this absurd golf simulator like i have i looked up online because i was curious after it i'm like how much are golf

simulators i couldn't really even find the one they have like available for just a person to buy so probably like 30 40 000 it's absurd this enormous giant screen and then this hitting pad where if you've ever gone to a driving range you know that it's like oh you can hit right off of this that's kind of supposed to emulate grass or you can put it on this goofy little t this one for this simulator had a section for like sand so if you were simulating sand it had like an artificial sand thing it had like simulated rough like all so if you were simulating sand it had like an artificial sand thing it had like simulated rough like all these things and i guess he told his uh viewers like i'm gonna do a stream where i do not stop until i hit a hole in one on this simulator

this this par three course gonna pick a short one and he like like i guess he thought it was gonna take about three hours and so he prepared accordingly for a three-hour stream where he was going to hit the ball and you know he was like oh a few couple hundred hits i'll knock one in a little dinger he ended up having to do it for like 40 hours. Like there was a little counter, like a swing counter, a stroke counter rather, that got to like, I think he hit it actually, he hit it earlier today. And it was like the 2790th hit or something, which you may think like, oh, it's golf.

Like golf is silly. It's not that strenuous but taking a hundred golf shots for 27 hours in a row and he also blisters oh he had so many blisters all over himself i saw like i would pop in every now and then and see and at some point like other personalities from like big cat and whatnot from parcel sports had to come in and like chat with him and whatnot and encourage him because he'd be like i just can't i just can't do this i this is this is so much worse than i ever imagined it was going to be when i said it i don't know if i'm gonna get it i don't know he he was wearing he started off wearing one golf glove because that's how you golf and by the end he had like both one hand with like three golf gloves on it the other hand with

two he like showed pictures he was bleeding through the first golf glove so he had to put another one on it was bleeding through that and so many little close calls and twitter clips i saw but i was like man i bet it would have taken me even fucking longer yeah to everyone he's like popping in and watching there were like 100,000 people watching him on YouTube do this after he was like 35 hours in before he had to go to bed which they also made him do on stream and

then wake up and immediately start hitting balls again like but part of me also is like you got to be a bit of a tard to think that you're going to do that in three hours, three hours. It's a hyper realistic emulator.

There's a wind bit of it where it randomizes the wind and the weather. And so like, you're not going to be able to just like putt, putt your way through this. And so he looked like he was in absolute hell in the clips that I, I watched. And that made me laugh. But,

uh, in the end, you know, trending on Twitter a couple of times, getting like tens of thousands of subscribers out of, I'll be a hundred. I don't know. But that,

that made me laugh. Seeing someone make a guarantee that like, I'm going to do this in fucking three hours. Stuck with it. Like most people nine hours in would have said, all right, I'm only getting worse at this point, you know, and I'm exhausted.

I'm hitting farther and farther from where I aspire to hit. Yeah. It takes 45 minutes tops for me. That's right. 45 minutes tops? No, he thought so too. Not trending well. Nope.

Yeah. That's why. I would have known in the first minute that i this will never happen yeah oh there's no way i would still be in that fucking office trying to to hit it because there's no way i would be so once i pop the first disc out of my back i think that's when we call it quits and in the stream and switch to bowling oh being in a golf hitting position for 35 hours or whatever it equals that's awful that's i thought were going to say something happened to his back or something. He was complaining about his back.

There were highlight clips of this everywhere. It was huge. We should like emulate that energy. I'm going to keep bowling until I get a strike. Another YouTuber. But then like three hours go by. 35 hours later when he can't get a go at it. There's a YouTuber,

Eddie Burback, that did it on the Wii. He was trying to get a perfect game on the Wii bowling. And he spent days streaming it until he did it. That, even to me, that would kick my ass. Wii bowling. That was like my mom and my stepdad would always play Wii bowling,

but they'd sit down on the couch and just go... They wouldn't even stand up in front of it. Disqualification. You have didn't sit down on the couch and go just do it like they wouldn't even stand up in front of qualification you have to go through the motions and pretend otherwise we bowling isn't fun but it's all of a sudden I went I didn't have the Nintendo it wasn't called a switch was a week a week and

I had a friend who's like check this out you like can't miss and he takes the controller and he slaps it in his own palm and sure enough he got like eight pins. That's bullshit. So this just bowls well no matter what you do. Oh, yeah. When did that come out?

Like 2005? Right around there? Around then, yeah. It was a while ago. I think that's right because it was like beginning of high school for me. And I remember that being the first technology that had that motion sensor as a part of video games. And that was like for real the first time in my life where i was like the future is now like one of the funniest things i was so impressed by the wii as a one of my friends

would play cod on the wii he like would literally just do like the playing cod and it was i couldn't imagine doing that he looked like such an idiot first off i remember that i remember like like some people were on a terrible graphic cod there was that meme it's like one it's like a normal like silly face cod or microsoft xbox and then the other one playstation and then there's just a completely retarded one who's playing the wii and it's like yeah who the fuck plays cod for on wii they had mold and put the controller in to like hold it like a gun but like most of the time you would just like do that and it was like you said the worst graphics ever oh that's great could you get good games on the wii maybe like

i bet it was probably easy it's kind of like when you put the graphics would look like shit i think it was a lower resolution or something zach says yes it was easy as hell yeah because it used to be if you played on Xbox, you faced a slightly higher level of competition than PS3, I guess. Because online gaming was free on the 3, and they didn't have... That doesn't look too bad to me. I don't believe this.

The actual gameplay itself. But anyway, the PS3 had the lower level players because it was cheaper and you didn't have to log in and whatever. But the Wii must have had really weak players. It's like if you go on Cog Mobile now, like on the phone, that's where it's at. I've done that once or twice. I've downloaded Cog Mobile and played and it's not. They don't even know they're playing a game. How do the controls work?

It's like a lot of thumb movement, but you could actually hook a controller up to your phone like a bluetooth or like a wireless controller you could just go to town and the graphics are actually good yeah it's just like sitting there like looking at your little fucking phone that would be a that would make me feel good about myself go play some mouse and keyboard phone games although i think pub g like pub g died on pc essentially it it's not it's but on mobile i think it's still very popular and china in particular and uh i'm sure there's plenty of those guys using they love their games i think that crackdown they had recently actually like has caused some woes for the the game developers over there you know because

they had that i don't know if it was tied to the social credit thing or a big part of it or whatever but they put like a gaming limit on kids in china like they could only game so many hours a day or probably for the best it really cut down on the cheating and rust i'm gonna be honest dude if they are if they're putting state mandated limits on their gaming we are not going to do well in this war when they're going to shut it down they're going to be what are you talking about that's what war is now it's a fucking controller somewhere drop like we got the all-stars we got shroud dropping missiles from the predator drone i i don't i think that's the war nowadays is not fault in the trenches it's drones dropping grenades on people who fight in the trenches you

think they don't have like a campus the size of delaware that's doing just that that are exempt from these i bet they do that's the same you know who's fighting the real fight it's it's the comedians yes you can't say anything and they're out there doing they're serving dude they're the real heroes they're not civilians like us yeah they're out there pushing the limits making dick jokes heroes thank you that is i i hate that when they're like we're the we're telling the truth and it's like no you're not you just did an impression of a japanese made up a story about this i've been watching these special forces podcasts and i'm fucking hooked on it now i love this shit have you ever seen the movie zero dark 30 it's it's about when they got osama bin laden i have heard

i highly recommend it it's it's it's a fairly accurate telling true story shit of how they got osama bin laden and it was a woman at the CIA who was mad about some of her friends getting blown up who made it her job to track down and find Osama bin Laden. It was her the whole way, and so it tells her story

for a while. But then you've also got, I think Chris Pratt is on the SEAL team, like SEAL Team 6. And then there's several other characters scattered along in the military and the CIA and everybody who made this thing happen. And when they actually go on the raid and go in, it is really fucking cool. I just listened to a podcast, though. It was the guy who killed Osama bin Laden.

He's the podcast guest, and he's telling the story of killing Osama bin Laden. And it was fascinating. And it's all the shit that happened in the movie, but he's telling the story of killing Osama bin Laden. And it was fascinating. And it's all the shit that happened in the movie, but it's him talking about it and being as graphic as you want because his interviewer is also a Special Forces guy. He's like, where'd you shoot him? I shot him three times in the face. He's like, if you saw that, if you've ever seen photos of it,

those are my hands holding his head together for the picture. Those are my hands wearing the gloves. He's like, blew his head apart. He's like are those are my hands wearing the gloves he's like blew his head apart oh yeah oh yeah why'd you throw him in the ocean oh because we lied about that because they didn't want to like have like a mecca for terrorists to to like visit and like put roses on osama bin laden's grave like you ever go to john lennon airdrop him into an enemy's land now they've got a problem osama bin laden's grave like you ever go to john leonard airdrop him into an enemy's land now they've got a problem osama bin laden but i mean barack obama thought it was a great idea those guys names are so barack osama wanted to um but but middle name is hussein too that was fascinating that's so funny oh the crazy part. He said that the woman at the CIA told them,

she's like, but his last line of defense will be his son. I think Khalid, something like that. His last line of defense is Khalid. I don't know what it looks like inside the house, but there will be a staircase and Osama will be on the second floor and Khalid will be on that staircase and he will be armed. If you get past him, you get a shot at Osama bin Laden. And so when they get to the staircase, one of the guys yells, Khalid, come here in Pakistani. And Khalid pokes his head out and they blew it off. And then they walked in and killed Osama bin Laden. Heavy sleeper, that guy.

He was. Well, Osama was Laden. Heavy sleeper, that guy. He was... Well, Osama was up, trying to get... They always say he was trying to get a rifle. Osama was staggering around with his wife in front of him, and they shot him twice in the face, and then once more once he hit the ground. That's what happened. They went to kill Osama bin Laden, not to capture him.

They killed him. What about his wife? She got shot. I don't know if she died. She took a bullet in that thing, I believe. Although, I know what they shoot 77 grain hollow points, he said, and my goodness, that

would make a mess even if it winged you. If you got shot in the arm with that in a room, you could very easily bleed out. Is that a 5.56, a heavy one? It's a... five six a heavy one it's a it's a yeah but the hollow point part that it's okay it's gonna like kind of it's really coming apart when it hits you and making i don't think i've ever fired a five five six hollow point i didn't

know that was a thing yeah there's um the there's hunting rounds is where we would is where we get them but like i don't think um i'm like 99.9% sure the regular military doesn't shoot hollow points because they all shoot FMJ or Green Tip or something. But I guess the Special Forces guys just don't give a... They shoot hollow points. I've always heard they can have whatever they want. Yeah, but there's rules that, although on this raid in particular, they had snuck into Pakistan.

You know where that house is? It was less than a mile, I think a kilometer away from where osama bin laden's houses is like their west point like the pakistani west point like he's not in the middle of nowhere he's right down the street from their military like professional military training grounds like where they were their top brass. They got him in their back pocket right there, keeping him safe. I wonder if you could look at that house on Google Maps, like Satellite View, and

check out the compound. Like a street view? There's a lot of Google cars driving through there. I just don't think Google cars have been there. I'm sure there's imagery of the place. I don't know if you can see updated. Who knows what's going on. I don't know if you can see updated. Who knows what's going on. I kind of want to, to drag around the city and see. Yeah, see the neighborhood.

Yeah. No, those stories are wild because these guys are fucking killers, all of them. He's like, I'm not going to tell you the 200 different stories of we went through the door, we shot the bad guys in the face. We did that every fucking day. Let me tell you some stories when we went through the door we shot the bad guys in the face because we did that every fucking day let me tell you some stories when shit went wild and i'm like fucking hell yeah tell me what about when it went wild and he and he's got stories about having like fight bounding down the street wounded while his partner's dead behind him he's got a saw busting

off 200 round bursts at like multiple assailants down the street in iraq like all sorts of really crazy james bond shit i wish i could could tell a couple of the stories my close friend marine buddy told me when he was in action over there but there are a couple of them where he was like we're all chatting and he's like because he listens shout out and he's like taylor this next one you cannot say on the show like you can't say this one because i don't want to implicate anything or say anything about this or that and i'll be like all right i'm a professional consummate professional you can tell me and then he does and i'm like god yeah i want to tell it i want to tell it's such a good story it. It's such a good story. People would love it, but gotta,

gotta respect that. Maybe someday. I have, um, the guy did the tat with that long motorcycle rider around the country. He was a army guy and he told stories. The thing is he wasn't an elite army guy or like anything good. And all his stories are like hilariously like stupid.

He's like, we're walking there's enemy somewhere out there we don't know where they are we just we know that eventually we'll get close enough to them and there'll be a problem and uh they're supposed to have a buddy system I think it was him who lost his buddy like his buddy's gone and now we're all like what the fuck oh no oh no

fucking my friend is fouled up he lost the buddy that he was supposed to be accountable for each other turns out this dude fell in like a latrine hole and now he's covered it smells like poo and but they didn't let him like stop you know so now he and his buddy gets it on him and like this is his story there's no hero like rock star shit in any of this yeah just it just smells bad just a comedy of errors in the army apparently well honestly i i'll find a link for this and like i'll find a good one to try to whet your appetite and get you on board with this with this thing because like this guy i was just

talking about it was a comedy of errors for him like like he's like the iraqis knew not to fuck with the bearded guys and the am ramps or whatever. I had some acronym for some big armored truck. And they knew not to fuck with the guys and the Bradleys. But here we were, two CIA guys. I mean, we were disguised, but we're just in a sedan. And he talks about getting ambushed. They shot him with an RPG. The car crashes, loses power.

And there they are. They jump out of the car. His buddy's immediately killed and then he's running from people for so long he's like and he's been radioing the whole time for backup telling him updating positions and he looks down and there's a bullet in his radio he hasn't had a radio the whole fucking time nobody knows what's going on uh he gets up it sounded like some tarkov shit he got on top of a roof he's like i get to the fucking roof and it's just a flat top

roof. There's no little knee wall to get behind or anything. It's not like in the movies, but I'm returning fire from up there. And then I decide, you know, I'm going to run back and I'm going to jump down to the, down one floor to the landing. And then from there down to the ground, well, that landing only existed on the front side of the building. So when I jumped, I just fell two stories into the darkness onto the ground. So there I am laying on the floor quite stunned and a lot of pain. And here come two Hajis around the corner. I'm like, this is great.

I love it. They're great stories. And they're always so weird about when they kill somebody. I wish they'd just be like, so then I killed the guy on the left. Then I killed the guy on the right. They're just like, They use euphemisms. Neutralized. Not even that.

They'll be like they were sitting in traffic. They're in an armored car. He's at seven inches of bulletproof glass or something. Guy pulls up next to him in a car. In the passenger seat, a guy comes out with an AK,

points it right at his window point blank dumps all 30 rounds he's like he chews halfway through this fucking glass and i'd like to say that i was brave and i like reacted or said something like let's get him but i actually went it's like what am i putting my hands up for i'm gonna stop the bullets he's like the thing was though they took off after he dumped his mag but we're in heavy bag dad traffic he made it maybe 90 feet and then they got a stop and this real awkward kind of uh-oh kind of moment happens because they had one ak and one magazine. So I got out. And he's like, well, let's just say that was the end of them.

And I'm like, no, let's not just say that. Tell me what you did to them, bro. Like, I'm here for this. So I really like those Special Forces guys talking about, you know, Special Forces raids because we did so much crazy shit that wasn't in the news. They're talking about countries I didn't know we did wars in. I didn't know we had a war in Yemen and Libya in the early 2000s. We were just all over the fucking world smoking people, apparently.

Probably are now. Special forces in Israel right now or Ukraine. I hope. We can't get caught, right? There can't be Americans there. That'll be a big deal. I bet the Americans that are there,

if they are caught, won't register as Americans to whoever caught them would be my guess. Yeah. I considered that too. Might work. I don't know. I don't, I don't know anything that you,

that you don't. I think you said it right. Yeah. But I doubt we have anybody in Israel Because we're so weird about that anyway If anything we probably got some People back on Whatever the green zone is

Maybe they're to help in some way I went the other way I thought we were more likely to be in Israel Because we're closer allies I think And what's Palestine going to do We don't want Russia to get into a hot war with America, but the

PLO? Who gives a fuck if they get into a hot war? It's not really them. They don't want to lose Americans. Israel isn't principally concerned with Hamas as far as a competitor in the region. It's Hezbollah. That's why they're going to... the region it's hezbollah and so that's why they're gonna

i think it's likely that they continue to like do a real invasion of lebanon at some point in the future because that's where well they're already bombing lebanon because they're saying they're taking out hezbollah sites and then that you know the hezbollah alliance between those guys in lebanon and in iran where kind of the the meat of the power of Hezbollah comes from. I think it's going to I think it's a bit more risky than a lot of us realize over there. No, I think I think it is. I one of the CIA guys, they asked him how World War World War Three began. They asked him a question like that.

And he said that he's like, I think it already started. I think it started when Russia invaded Ukraine. That was the beginning of World War III. And we're slowly, and you know, the forces are all coalescing now with the United States and Canada and Germany. And this time very seemingly Poland, like really beefing up, pulling together.

And obviously, and the china the india pakistan thing is always the most worrying one to me because the pakis seem like awful people you know what was the reason that one doesn't bother me is because it's incredibly old india and pakistan have hated each other for a thousand years there's nothing new there yeah you know what the rate over there and be like you're all the same brah at what rate would you say the father-on-daughter incest rate is in Pakistan compared to the rest of the world? By what magnitude would you say they exceed the average father-daughter incest? Father-daughter incest, yes. I don't know.

For you to bring it up, they must be trouncing the rest of the world. So I'm going to say four times as high. Three times as high. Oh, I believe it's 6,000 times. I think it's 6,000 times the occurrence. Zach, delete this. I'm going to guess 6,000 times.

You nailed it. See? I knew Taylor had his finger on the packy pulse. If there's one area where Taylor is well educated, it's father on daughter rape. Specifically Palestine. Give it a second before you

pull that number out. Pretend to think about it. Tented fingers of thought. Check me on that one, Zach. I don't want to throw the packies under the incest bus if they need not go. I'm like, well, you know, I do that. Zach says, I'm looking into it.

Zach's being added to a watch list as we speak. There's no way Twitter lied to me. It said 6,000 times the occurrence. 36% of girls and 29% of boys have experienced child abuse in Pakistan. Damn. Are they being spanked we need to know we need we need to parse specifically the info there no if you put spanking it's 100 of pakistani children reddit says you're right not the 6 000 in particular but that it's hugely

high rates of incest yeah i i saw 6 000 and which seems silly but i i thought it's hugely high rates of incest. Yeah, I saw 6,000, which seems silly, but I thought it's so funny that I'd repeat it. Because what are they going to do? Cousin marriage. I mean, that might be a barometer for incest in general. I do know that that region of the world has way higher cousin marriage than a lot of others. And you would never know it by looking at them

really i thought the whole cousin marriage thing was overblown but i saw a youtube video on it and say it's a real problem and it surprised me to learn the bigger problem happened a couple generations down like if a brother and sister or mother and son or whatever have a kid, those kids are probably okay. It's not until grandkids, great grandkids that the problems really spike up. And that's probably compounding over time. Yeah. Not good. Not good. Hopefully the Middle East doesn't pop off too hard.

I guess it's already popping off a bit but hopefully we can avoid conflict with iran and hopefully israel doesn't invade lebanon and hopefully saudi arabia doesn't i just hope it doesn't inconvenience yemen that is the real tragedy we need to make sure kyle's all right how much do we care if we're not directly inconvenienced well ideally we don't want a global hegemon shift that impacts us. But I mean, day to day, if you hear, bombings in what country?

What a stand-in. As long as they're not drafting us, I'm okay. What is a real war economy like where they tell the automotive manufacturers to shift their focused tanks? I said that funny. Or were they like,

I don't know. Hey, Kyle, don't eat steak. Save that for the soldiers. That's, oh my God. If that were to happen. That'll get me marching. Oh, you'll be a soldier. No, not that kind of marching.

No, no, no. I heard it. I heard it. It's a protest for marching. That's what I'll do. They kind of marching. No, no, no. I heard it. I heard it. It's in protest you're marching. That's what I'll do. They kind of asked the guy, basically, they asked him what would it look like, like World War III. And he suggested that it's going to look more like these big proxy wars that are going on now

rather than drafting a bunch of Americans and dropping them off on a beach somewhere. It's going to be airlifting tanks and helicopters to an ally in Europe or in Asia. It is until it isn't. It is until it isn't. And, you know, the idea we're totally past boots on the ground mass wars, I don't think is true. I think it's up to China whether that happens and i don't think they

want to do it so i i think we'll keep these proxy wars up china wants their island like like i said which i think is gonna happen this year but they will be rebuffed as i predicted nostradamus style and you're gonna be gonna look back at this i say they're not rebuffed you can't piggyback onto my prediction i gave away more predictions than you some of them not jokes i think taylor swift i was you when you said that they were going to get married i laughed at that because i had one written down right here that i didn't like say which was after the chiefs lose the super bowl to the 49ers she's going to publicly break up with him oh all right so and then date whoever the best tight end is i like tight end to win

games yeah does she write a song about him like like called loser yes well he's already won a championship maybe i'm an idiot because i i root for those kids but if they do break up oh my god please give us a song please give us a song i was hoping for a sex tape make fun of his podcast make fun of the fact that he's a hall of fame tight end apparently that's what i've heard i've, too. I heard he's a lock. I think his brother is, too. I think both the Kelsey brothers are. Yeah, I've heard that Travis.

Travis is the Taylor Swift boyfriend, and Jason is the Eagles guy. I've heard Jason Kelsey is one of the best centers to ever be in the NFL because I guess it's a really hard position. You wouldn't have gotten that from the Alabama game. It's the second most complicated. I don't know. I don't know football, yeah, but I hear quarterback is obviously number one, and they say center is number two.

I don't know why. I guess because you have to have an equal understanding of the playbook and everything. I don't know. I always wondered that about at the NFL level. Every one of those guys must be intimately familiar with every single play. Like if you stopped a running back and we're like, hey, what is Stevie over there? The tight end. What's he doing on this play?

In my head, I always think they're like, oh, this is this route. He's going to do this. I'm going to do this. The line is going to push this way. The quarterback is going to drop into this part of the pocket and throw it. Maybe it's just like they just know their thing. That's what the podcast said. I watch their podcast sometimes. It's funny.

People write in. They have a thing for noobs to ask noob questions. They're like, explain the dime or whatever. They're like, I don't know. That one's defense. I'm like, really? I thought you knew what defenses did.

They play against them. But yeah, they didn't seem to know everything about everything. And I thought at that level they would. Yeah, I guess that makes even more sense, kind of. It's like, hey, don't waste a second of thought not thinking about your core competency here. That's what Sherlock Holmes does. He deletes it. So he has room in his mind

cave. Palace. Palace. Are you watching Sherlock now? Dude, every night. Oh, yeah! That's great. Chris, are you watching Sherlock? I'm a fucking idiot because I'm not. I'm not watching it either.

It's only 10 years old. So you can catch up anytime. I did start True Detective. That's the show that I've been dipping my toe into. Which season are you in? Season 1. I just started. That was really good. I think Matthew McConaughey is in that, right?

I see clips on TikTok of him going off on some shit and Woody Harrelson being like, you gotta stop saying weird shit. Woody Harrelson's girlfriend, you gotta stop saying weird shit. Woody Harrelson's girlfriend is the star of that show. What's Andrea D'Addario? D'Addario.

Alexandria D'Addario. She's not as well. She's got a great subreddit. Big fan of her and all of her titties and her pussy that you can see for just a little bit in that television show. It's a wonderful show. It's a wonderful show.

There's a YouTube video called True Detective is the greatest eight hours of television ever or something like that. Calm down. I think it's tremendous. If you look at fucking McConaughey's performance throughout that thing and the way he's driving the different agents.

And look, the man can practice law. I don't care what you say. You know what he also can practice is sneaking behind the Texas college football team's player zone. Apparently, he's from Texas. Did you guys know this about the Texas-Washington playoff football game? I guess the University of Texas made him the ambassador of culture or some silly title because they're like,

Matthew McConaughey really likes the Longhorns and we should get him involved in it more. And so I saw these sports announcers. It was during the game. Apparently they gave Matthew McCew mcconaughey a green pass which means that he can go into a lot of areas that other people aren't allowed to go to during the game but according to the announcers who are commentating on this a very bold print specific thing on the green pass is that you cannot go in the players area in the middle of

the game and matthew mcconaughey in the middle of the texas versus washington game like they're like down by a touchdown there's like cameras zooming in and matthew mcconaughey has like his hands on shoulders on shoulder pads yeah the texans or the the longhorns being like i love it you get out there and really uh show them what for what are you doing here mat Matthew McConaughey? It was so funny to me that the announcers are like, Matthew McConaughey on the sidelines over there. Interesting.

I'm sitting here right now, Alan, and I have a green pass. And I can see that's what he's wearing. And very boldly on my green pass, it says, you are not allowed to talk to the players mid-game. And they're like, that's true, but you're not Matthew McConaughey. Andconaughey and he's like laughing at it and the players don't seem bothered by it so i think it's all fine so yeah mcconaughey is an excellent actor but there's no shortage of weird shit he's done like i don't know if you've seen the clip of him on the view giving that host a foot massage no it's like apparently like five years ago he gave one of the hosts of foot massage and then he was back on it

recently. And she's like, I got a pedicure this time. And she puts her foot up on the counter and he's like, Oh, and like starts going at it. And he's like talking about, he's like,

he's like, you know, I got this move from my dad. You know, I, we, we'd bring dates home and be like, where'd our date go?

And you can't deliver. And our dad's just giving him a foot massage. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Wow was rubbing oh i'm watching him rubber down right now yeah he gets into it she's like there's even a point she's like ah okay not that hard he had that line from school days right the they keep getting younger but i stay no i keep getting older and they stay the same age. Not the view host. That's part of the Alan Dershowitz testimony, right?

They keep getting younger and I stay the same age. Is that that guy's name? Dershowitz? Yeah. Allegedly, yes. The alleged Peter. Diddler. Diddler. Diddler's almost dirtier. It sounds like a Batman villain. The Diddler. Diddler's almost dirtier.

It sounds like a Batman villain. The Diddler? He's like the Riddler, but he just rapes children. Diddle me this! That one didn't test well. I like the guy that left the little confusing notes better and wore the question mark suit.

Do people hate the Diddler? Ah, but the diddler has syphilis! No, that's much worse. Do there have children then? There has to be an SNL or a MADtv about the diddler. That's too much of a layup.

MADtv or someone had to have diddled it up. MADtv speed. That's been gone for so long. I watched MADtv last night i was watching uh the skit where um they do tony soprano they do sopranos uh on network television so they just cut out all of the cursing and violence and it's just a quick cut like an episode's 30 seconds long or something instead of 45 minutes so you just quick pretty fun and will sasso i think is his his name. I think that's the guy

who does the incredible Tony Soprano. He's got the eyebrow thing furrowed out. He's talking and it's really good. It's the best Tony Soprano I've ever seen. Of course, it's a little... Can't really wheel that one out anymore, can you? He died.

Give me your best Tony, Kyle. You can block off your nasal passage. Gotta think about what to say, though. That's the thing. Christopher. Christopher. It's an $8 million job, Christopher. Nope, nope, not gonna, no, nope.

You sound like it's one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make yourself more stuff. Caroline, Carlano. I went to one that says some pulp, not all pulp. No, yeah, yeah. Make yourself more stuff. Caroline, Carlano. I wonder when it says sub-pop, not on-pop. No, I can't. Christopher, it's an $8,000 job. Fuck, what does he sound like?

I can do a much better Carmella. Christopher. I wonder when it says sub-pop. Yes, yes. A little ashes. Must have crawled under there for warmth poor guy are you crazy Christopher you killed Cosette

that's my favorite episode when they had the intervention for Christopher and she's reading his fiance's reading her prepared like confrontal you can no longer function when we first met we made love all the time but now you can no longer function. When we first met, we made love all the time. But now you can no longer

function as a man. And everybody looks at him like, like Pauly's judging him. He's like, and when I came home last week and found that you had killed Cosette. And Pauly goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. That little dog? Cosette, what? And Pauly's like,

whoa, is he barking or something no he he was high and he sat on her oh now everybody's upset and mad he's beating his wife she's sitting in a neck brace with a black eye oh now everybody's caring about what i'm doing where he's doing his fucking whore and then they start just pounding his ass they give him a skull fracture and for good reason he killed that poor pup that adorable that he sat on that fucking dog and you hear it go he's like he's he's on heroin so he just likes out of it she comes home and finds the dog under him fucking dead and he goes oh she must have crawled under there for

once and suffocated poor thing and she goes are you fucking crazy she's like that feels crazy god damn so fucked up that was funny well I think that's

that's a show. Mr. Chris, Mr. Chris James, where can everyone find your wonderful content? YouTube and otherwise. Yep, YouTube, Chris James TV, Chris the James, everywhere else. That's about it. Give him a follow. Links in the description. PKA 681.

So.