Painkiller Already - PKA 695 W/ Slush: Russian Sigma Grindset, Filthy Subreddits, Bianca Censori

Episode Date: April 13, 2024

pka 695 with our guest slush puppy taylor this episode of pka is brought to you by pharaoh distro.com blue chew and lock and load talk more about them later slush we missed you so much last week i'm sorry i'm an idiot i forgot the time zones because i had uh changed we changed from daylight savings which fucks me and then i also slept through my alarm as well so by the time i actually woke up the show was all done pretty much and then uh yeah all good it's like it's early morning there right uh 9 a.m well early for me 9 a.m is probably not early for most people really for a gaming streamer that's crack of dawn yeah it's three hours before crack of dawn to be honest it makes sense you're living streaming for people like i can't imagine 9 a.m is like a hot time no no no definitely not like if i'm waking up at 9 a.m it's to take my wife somewhere and i'm

annoyed about it you know it kind of is though because it's 7 p.m eastern like it's not as if all his viewers are local. Yeah. I thought he was 14 hours ahead. I guess that makes sense. I could probably get up earlier and then stream. I mean, I have tried it before, but I just don't like getting up that early, so I just don't care. Honestly. Professional gamers are not diurnal, typically.

Yeah, exactly. You have to get good, and all the best gamers are on at night. All the normies are on during the day yeah if you're playing multiplayer games like uh like when i was playing taco a lot if you get on at 9 a.m and it's like during a low part of the wipe you are playing fucking solo like it's boring as fuck i don't mind that if i'm trying to do bullshit. There's a task called bullshit. I'm looking for a dead server. Let's calm down.

I don't mind that. I'll play in Russian servers. I'll set it to Russian servers. It'll be like 4am in Moscow. I joke. What I'm looking for is a dead server to get my task done, but I'll joke. This is for Ukraine. I'm looking for is a dead server to get my tasks done, but I'll joke, like, no, no. I'm taking, this is for Ukraine.

I'm taking the fight to them. As soon as I hear fucking Blyat come out of somebody's voip, I start talking about Slava Ukraine. They get really pissy. It's fun. I was joking about that when they had that competition to get a streamer on them. I was going to try and get a

Ukrainian flag to piss them off. Don't do that. they'll never send you like a fucking helmet or a painting again you'll get yeah man imagine they they'd probably get fucking arrested by the fsb or some shit yeah yeah they did that yeah yeah they did that i they're i don't like that look i like that game. This is my one bit of hypocrisy. As far as I know, Tarkov isn't owned by an oligarch or directly in Putin's pocket or anything like that. It's just a fun video game. Oh man, that gives a shit anyway.

Did you see that the US was trying to ban Russian software? Yes. I also saw that Putin is trying to create his own game console. So perhaps these two things are related. Wait, is that second part serious? Because I didn't see it.

It's 100% serious. They're doing the Bliat 360 or whatever the fuck. I'm not even joking around. I mean, the name I'm joking around. But Putin's like, we need to compete with the Xbox and the PlayStation. We need a Russian gaming console. Why would they want to compete there? They want to compete everywhere, Woody.

They're a first world nation. They're equal to the United States and the Chinas. They should compete in agriculture and productivity or something, not gaming consoles. No, it's going to be like Stalin, where he's like, yeah, everyone's going to have a camera. And then he's just going to work half the country to death trying to make fucking cameras. And then no one's going to get any're just gonna sell them all it's gonna be like you ever read about mao and the sparrows of course yeah that's just that's one of the most baffling things i've ever read about in history where he's just like these birds cause problem kill all of them well like no not one well yeah they were ruining the crops and then

they realized that you kill all the birds and then the insects really ruin the crops yeah but think about like no one being able to be like we should really bring up the whole insect world to him at some point see the problem there i'm not fucking doing it when the problem there isn't the idea the problem is the the the complete control that that fascist communist government had and that they could enact that plan over the entire nation of China. You know what I mean? If it was some smaller branched-up government like here, you'd be like, oh, my God, what did Nebraska do?

Well, the rest of us will never make that mistake. But instead, it's every peasant everywhere is getting a rifle to shoot. Is it feasible that in the 1940s they just didn't, mistake but instead it's every peasant everywhere is getting a rifle to see it's because it's feasible that in the 1940s they just didn't like nobody knew what the consequences of killing sparrows would be no there's no way you know like 40s and agriculture without if i made it 1840s you'd probably all agree well i promise you that's all i can say for sure what he didn't know and the people anyone who did was keeping it to themselves, I bet. That's my thing. I want to know, like,

did a lot of people know that this was really dumb and just couldn't speak up? Or was it just not widely known? That's pretty common in Asian cultures. They say that the main reason Japan lost against America so hard

towards the end was because their commanders just couldn't say, hey, man, we're getting our asses kicked because they were, like, they were just too afraid and, like, too honorable or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, no, no, we're definitely winning, even as they're, like, they're getting marched on fucking Okinawa. They're like, you know, we're kicking their asses. Yeah, that makes sense.

Not helpful. But also, any mass farmer at the time would have known, like, oh, you kill all the birds. That's going to cause these aphids or whatever the fuck to crop up. I don't know that they had mass farmers. I think they had peasants doing the farming. I know there was instances i'm thinking probably soviet times where they just come up with these plans and treating populations like they were

i don't know tools in a shed or machinery we're like no we need more farmers all of you people are now farmers and then you'd send a bunch of people who'd never farmed before to be fucking farmers yeah i'm not sure that there were those gigantic... What we do is crazy. Our huge farms that are just these, as far as the eye can see, over-the-horizon-type corn and wheat farms, I imagine them being peasants on a few acres. But what he did was he handed out rifles to everyone and said, shoot the birds.

I think they got money. You could turn them in and get a little Chinese dollar. I know they did it with wolf ears back in the day. And also, people said... You shouldn't breed birds. I guarantee there was a little Chinese dollar. I know they did it with wolf ears back in the day. And also, people's heads. You should breed birds. I guarantee there was a dude breeding birds. Oh, I find RuPaul. I think that happened with snakes in America.

I'm not sure. RuPaul? It did happen with snakes. RuPaul. You've heard that? So then they said, fuck this shit. We're not going to pay you for breeding snakes. And the breeder said, well then, if these are worth nothing, freedom!

And so now there's like tens of thousands of snakes. So you get this interesting study in economics and ecology and just humanity being shitty. And I guess capitalism as well. It's pretty fun.

You told me about that snake shit. That sounds less insane to me. well it's it's pretty fun you told me about that less insane to me is it because it's my country would would the chinese think the sparrow thing wasn't completely stupid because it's theirs no they don't do it anymore millions of people died they knew it was dumb yeah it's pretty i mean there's pros and cons like it's just like the one um it's the one with the uh like mao has like a Gretzky-esque record compared to Like Stalin and Hitler Like one of those Yeah

Is he that poor head of Stalin? Because I felt like Stalin took out like 10 mil as well Stalin took out a ton But I think Mao is like I think Mao dwarfs everyone Where does Genghis Khan rank? OG fucking platinum. He wasn't that bad.

There weren't that many people back then. They killed the dogs and cats. No, he had rules where you could continue to live in your own culture and self-govern and stuff as long as you paid taxes and dues to the Khan. And he would remove monarchies and put in meritocracies and like yeah a lot of people benefited under gingus khan's domination yeah i mean the wars that he fought were bloody but uh i believe that he most of what happened after like his ruling class wasn't as bad so if you fought back, if you just said welcome, dear Conqueror,

everyone welcome, our Genghis Khan, then you might be a new local leader. I don't know about that guy. I don't like him. You're talking about my great-great-great-great-grandfather. Mine too. Mine too.

No, I didn't actually. I want to dislike him right now for the point of discussion but like the horseback archers is such a cool vibe like that's neat like running around shooting a bow and arrow from horseback is the cool vibe like i can't remember if prima nocta is one of those things that probably Kyle at one point told me, like, you know it was nothing like that. Or if you led me the other direction

and was like, oh, that was a real thing. Because you could lie to me right now either way if it was something that never happened or if it actually did. If you put a gun to my head, I'd probably say it happened. But I don't remember the historical stuff. Obviously, I remember the Braveheart references.

Yeah. And that does seem like something the English would fucking do. Yeah, it's definitely an English thing. Yeah. Because they hated the Scottish, though. Surely they did it to try and breed them out. And ensure loyalty and all sorts of things and just get laid right just be exactly you know that's part of a lot of the witch persecutions was about that it was

they just wanted to like disrobe and torture ladies you know i saw an interesting idea uh green text recently about the state of modern women and it was that after generations and generations You had me at green text, Brian. I was popping around pole. I went to 4chan to learn about girls. How did you go, Kyle? Tell us more. First of all,

we're good folks over there. On both sides. On both sides. There's people on both sides of 4 Chandon that are good people, okay? Oh, shit. Anyway, they suggested that after generations and generations, thousands of years, if you will, you'd have this scenario that would play itself out

where the attacking army would surround the city, the city would be defeated, and all the virtuous, honorable women would kill themselves because that's what you do. Their husbands have gone out and fought to the death. They didn't win. Now you kill yourself so that not only you can meet him in the afterlife, but so that you won't be raped and dishonored because your honor is your family's honor.

As much as it is your husband's honor, you're doing everybody a solid, including yourself, unless you're a dirty whore and you don't care. And so we just repeated that process for 2,000, no, all the time, and now we're left with modern women. Dissenters of dirty whores. That makes sense.

You could argue that only brave men have died then so that all of all men are now descended oh you could argue that only strong fighters have won because that's all look look there's flush we only do the the anti-woman part on the show no not all people if we're sitting here we're the descendants of the people who were best at fucking surviving in a scary awful fucking world we've got to i mean up until like 60 years ago then everything became easy you know now people don't die in childbirth and shit like that yeah but my dad was back born back in the polio time so i'm still like at least a half blood yeah yeah yeah you know you're you're a half-blood hard man you know yeah yeah you're you're a hard man by name soft man by nature

yeah we're only like we're only a generation removed from real hard men though for reals yeah like i don't know like yeah but we can see them like a hard man well in our hemisphere in particular i don't think there are as many hard men I mean like fucking ruthless, tough as nails, the people who made it through the wild west or like fucking I don't know, just the olden times

that were full of war who are you thinking of in the other hemisphere who are those MMA guys Dagestanis, the Russians all of those people that are from warlike driving communities. Anybody who's in a country... They grew up in Kosovo and shit like that.

Yeah, there you go. Those countries that are the size of three American counties and they're shaped like a zigzag and they're attached to eight other similar countries and they all hate each other. Those are hard motherfuckers. Yeah. Yeah, they are.

That's why they're good at fighting and they seem to love it they're all about it would putin's console even sell well in dagestan even if they like because they love them there but i guarantee they're not gonna be i bet they don't even have like they're on that sigma grind right they wake up every day they're still huffing on CDs. They're blown into cartridges. They're not up to stage yet, for sure.

Our audience has never blown into a cartridge. Yeah, they have. I see that on Reddit. I choose to believe it's fucking bots. I get that if you're 15, maybe you haven't seen a cassette recently. Maybe you don't know what a cassette is, but Jesus Christ. All of y'all out there who are like 20 plus,

y'all know what an audio cassette looks like. You've probably listened to one. Your uncle probably has an old truck with a player in it, and he stuck some George Strait in there one time. I don't know. Audio cassette. Audio cassette. Probably not. I think it might be one too far. Retro gaming? Yeah, maybe. Cassette? Cassette's a breach. Audio cassette. Audio cassette. Probably not. I think retro gaming.

Yeah, maybe cassette. But cassettes are breached. A 20 year old was born in 2004. Yeah. And so I would not be surprised at all if they had have no experience whatsoever with cassettes. Like they probably barely have used CDs. They've never put a pencil in a cassette. They probably haven't used CDs. Yeah.

Oh, they've never done one of those Man I bet they look at that and they're like In olden times they would force the children's Fingers into this slot That's how they got you to read Yeah If you look at the old paintings the children have very pointy fingers Look at how grades went down after they got rid of that

Yeah Did you guys have when you were in school We had a thing where you had to work your way up to being able to use a pen was it yeah okay yeah it was it was a privilege not a right and it was it was about your handwriting and it was about um uh how many mistakes you're gonna make like you can't be fucking scribbling shit out if you're gonna if're going to have a big mess of it, they would, they would, they would let you use a pen if you could use a pen.

Yeah. I remember specifically, it was like, uh, I, in whatever grade it was, they had for the whole year. They're like,

if you become good at handwriting, you get what's called your pen license. And I didn't get it. And, uh, I didn't get it for the whole year. Cause I was so, I was such a messy

writer and then i went to the next grade and then everyone was just using pens and i had pencils when i on the first day and i was like wow do i do am i am i meant to have like my pen lessons and the teacher's like oh no we don't do that this grade and i'm like uh i guess i'll bring up no you're just a pencil guy now sorry yeah your own scarlet letter it sounds like to this day you're using pens illegally yeah i am i am using pens illegally i'm an unlicensed pen operator i remember as a like kid in school there being like years like not grasping that like pencils were not going to be a thing as an adult like i can't remember the last time i wrote something in a pencil instead of a pen can any of you it was some sometime around like

fifth grade or maybe golf i can't even remember the last time i used a pen oh golf would be a pencil but like to actually write something down like to on a notepad i can't even tell you the last time i did that yeah i do a lot of just like diy projects and i use pencils for that you can get rid of the mark that makes sense but like as far as like jotting down notes or like a little to-do list i don't i i gunned to my head someone broke into my house right now and was like find a fucking pencil i'd be like you're gonna have to kill me because there's no pencils here, loser. Get your pen license.

I don't even use it when I'm doing DIY shit because this is super lazy, but a lot of the time I'll just use a, like a, we call them Stanley knives here, but like the box cutter, like razor blade things. I just use that to mark stuff. It's really lazy because i obviously have lost on what the what are you chiseling scrolls or something no no you just mark shit

mark shit with it it's just easier we would use sharpies like we would just buy a pack of cheap sharpies at the dollar store if we were doing like a big we would do these projects that involve like hundreds of marks and hundreds like you'd have a chop saw just cutting PVC plumbing. Well, kind of PVC plumbing, but on an agricultural project where you're doing fogging, misting lines, and you need 800 lengths of 17 inches of pipe, and it's just chop, chop, chop. So you've got one guy just walking along, swipe, swipe, swipe with a sharpie,

and another one, chop, chop, chop. I hated those fucking jobs yeah that that's like the kind of stuff i did for my dad was like framing so it didn't need to be neat because it's all gonna get covered up by a plasterboard or drywall as you guys call it and uh so you just mark it with a uh with a box cutter because it's it's quicker and it you don't have to sharpen it and And it's more accurate. Isn't it time for drywall to be replaced by something better? Like some sort of recycled plastic wall? I don't know. A plastic wall? It's gonna look

terrible. Will it look any different? I don't know. I feel like you could put a paper sheet on a plastic wall instead of... What's in drywall? Fucking asbestos or gypsum? I don't know what's in that. It's gypsum. Gypsum board? i've heard that before it's some sort of like i feel like it's got to be fire retardant and to some measure because

i just imagine plastic walls melting and maybe that noxious smoke that immediately knocks me unconscious and and the way plastic burns is kind of scary it like drips fire and goes fast and all right kyle poked a hole in and you're right Kyle you'd die so fast in a plastic house oh my god my home was made by Fisher Price what a mistake it definitely ended up

like horribly mimed like you'd have like you'd end up looking like so stout plastic burns all over you you'd look like one of over you yeah they make it look like one of those vietnamese napalm kids you'd walk out of your house naked with your hands like this yeah that wouldn't be ideal i guess we got to stick with drywall for now until they come up with a better plan woody yeah i think i think in europe what did uh in sopranos there's that

scene where richie's getting a new house for tony's fat ass sister for some reason and it's like this four million dollar nice ass house and uh he's bragging about oh i just got the lawn put in when'd you have your lawn put in he's like no drywall skimboard he like knocks on it the good stuff and it's like what you got in your house that drywall it's like really shitting on tony's million dollar mansion with his four million dollar mansion and i don't know what skimboard is but but richie april says it's much better than drywall richie dude i saw so many what is it there were so many good memes of richie april after the new york or new jersey earthquake

just all the like uh do you hear that earthquake yeah i heard jenny sack was forgetting out of her car and she fell that was what i gave me a little laugh throughout the week i'm googling skimboard and it's just link after link of things that like uh shallow water surface use that kind of skimboard you know with that italian accent like skill i'm gonna try to skimboard interior walls yeah i don't know a perfect skim coat okay i think they're like maybe they've got wood and they're like smearing some shit on it oh like the old wave plaster type stuff i don't think that's better i had that as a kid in one of our floors and sucked oh is that like that stuff you sometimes see it

in movies when they like you know there's some kind of hero throwing some dickhead through a wall and then it's like there's really thin slats of the matrix walls yeah the matrix walls yeah yeah yeah we've got that all space that you can like slide down that seems like it's just the same shit with extra steps it does that sounds like a lot of effort but more expensive according to richie april yeah but you don't it doesn't go up in big like four by eight almost like sheets of plywood but they're drywall. Instead, you put the lathe on. I think it's lathing or lathing, something, whatever that shit is between the joists,

and then you smear it on like spackle. That's how the wall is made. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of effort. Is it a wooden board that's going between the studs? What is the wall made of? Could you punch through this like you could drywall? Or like a... It'd be very similar to drywall. If you were to ram it with your shoulder and not hit an upright then you can

you can make a hole yeah but uh i think it just was before drywall was invented drywall completely replaced it it's better and it's easier to install well drywall like drywall is probably just the same shit except except it's preset. Yeah. Oh, probably. I can hear you, dog. Shut that fucking dog up. Shut up, dog. Shut up, dog.

Reminds me of that Sunny where he throws the water into Charlie's face and Frank's face in the dog cage. Yeah. Man, that's a celebrity death that I'm not looking forward to. That's got to be coming before too long. It's Danny DeVito because he's like 80 years old, but he's like 4'10", small people live longer. It's a genetic disorder. That's like a real...

He's not just a little guy. Are you sure? Actually, say it again. He has a disorder. He has a genetic disorder, Danny DeVito. Surely he does. He's too short. You don't end up that short. I see your sneaky fingers looking for the answers on the internet.

Nothing. Nothing. I'm looking. I contact with you right now. I'm in a conversation. He absolutely has a genetic disorder that causes him to be and look like that. He is a very oddly proportioned man on top of being small. He's the penguin. He does have a gigantic fucking short. That's true. Okay, maybe all right

Well if he had like legit dwarfism or midget tree, whatever it's called, it's like you it's something else It's you know some sort of syndrome or some shit. They tend to die earlier, but like regular small people Have like a little bit of longevity in them. It's like taxing on their heart over time. 100%. Maybe your heart pumps as many reps, but those reps are easier if you've got a small, compact body.

Exactly. If you're 7'4", you've got no shot at hitting 80. You're not going to make it. But if you're 5'1", 80 like there's no you're not gonna make it but if you're like 5 foot 1 just like a little Japanese guy the juice was a big guy he made it into 76 today

rest in peace OJ Orenthal James Simpson yeah he OJ died today yesterday I didn't know that. Yeah, good riddance.

They definitely fucking did it. They fucking 100% did it. They 1000% murdered them. I was watching reaction videos today and it... Reaction videos to his trial verdict and it bothered me to see people excited that he got off from murder.

Which people were excited? It broke down on racial lines. Exactly on racial lines. What it was was it wasn't too long after the Rodney King beating where all those police were let off free. I guess

black Americans felt like this was their chance to get even. guess a black and white thing this has been a man's rights thing the whole time she had that fucking waiter in his mansion sucking his dick and oj's out there in the bushes that wishing he could run for some more yards but he's retired his fucking knees are blown out and this bitch this bitch on his eighteen thousand dollar couch sucking that fucking waiter's dick. You know what, motherfucker?

And that was it. That was it. This is a men's rights issue. And he killed a Jewish guy? Anti-Semitism much? I wasn't going to mention that. Yeah. I think it's important.

It still amazes me thinking how the Kardashians got famous. That's how the Kardashians got famous. It's like, so anyway, there was this massive black dude and he killed his wife yeah that was their glimmer of fame but like moving forward from there they were just well connected with so many influential families but what it was kim kardashian's original like first thing was she was paris hilton's closet organizer yeah and and that was enough of a job that she got notoriety. She's tagging along with Paris Hilton being her

slave friend. I didn't know that. And then she sucked Ray J's dick and we all watched and we decided we want to see more of this lady. And so she is now a billionaire. And I think all of her relatives are also billionaires now. And they have one of the longest running

TV shows in American history and the patriarch of the family became one of the most powerful women in the country, Caitlyn Jenner who echoes Woody's sentiment I saw her tweet out today, good riddance OJ that's a brilliant woman

I would like to see more I would like to say i don't know you said yeah we're sticking with sex tapes i would like to see more sex tapes from them i feel like they know more to their roots you know i'll get the camera yeah nothing can nothing can make no the kardashians are all fucking hat i'm all about bianca now it's all bianca all day all right i'm i'm on about Bianca now. It's all Bianca all day. All right. I'm on Bianca. Oh, Kanye. Bianca's Kanye's wife.

Is she an actor? Oh, okay. She's Kanye West fucking like sex slave wife. She's so fucking hot with them gigantic triple H titties. And like, I bet there's double H's or something. They're like, they're double H's or something. They're absurd. Have you ever heard her voice?

No. Another plus. Another plus. this is the perfect woman kanye's a genius but i mean he's fucking her i don't know what languages she could speak what if she only speaks italian and he has no knowledge of italian he's just letting her doesn't change all he's got he's got two he's like fucking tony going over there to italy realizing oh i'm not nearly as italian as i thought i was yeah yeah and he doesn't when you don't want to be on top of that um what would a sex type involve uh with her she's already naked all the time i'm gonna whatsapp you guys like some of my favorite like recent photos of her because i i literally am on bianca watch i'm a big fan of the subreddit it's oh this is so great oh yeah bianca nsfw so a lot of people say that this is a a pad that she's wearing like a maxi pad here but i think

she's got a butt plug in while kanye's buying a ferrari because he also had her sitting on his lap the whole time. Look, that's a crazy big maxi pad if that's a maxi pad, but it looks like a butt plug to me. I don't think they go way up your butt like that. I actually was thinking could it be a love sense or something?

Love sense is this little teardrop shaped thing that goes into the vagina like an egg, and it has a very small antenna that comes out. It has a sizable tail that comes out. I have every model they make. I have the Lush, the Hush. I have the 2.0.

I promise you, there's a little pink tail that comes out. I spend nine hours a day on Chatterbait, and I will not... When you see Kyle Smurf during the show, it's because I'm turning it up. That's not a name brand. It reminds me of Posty. You're going right up. On top of that, so here she is.

And it's funny going through the comments because the comments are... Let's just say they would have a particular view on the OJ situation back in 94. The comments are all so stupid that they didn't know what these shorts were these are these are pegging shorts that you link it i don't know where to find any oh he's posting this on whatsapp yeah on whatsapp we should link it we can't show it no but for but for slush you're right link link it in the uh link it in the chat thing so i'm gonna have a look uh well anyway she's wearing what look like women's boy shorts but in the chat thing so I'm going to have a look. Well, anyway, she's wearing what look like women's boy shorts, but in the front

keen observers will know that that sort of front pocket, it almost looks like a boy's underwear has a circle in it and that is where the dick goes through and it has a base that stops him from falling out. And then the other night she wore this like fucking latex

condom and you can see her pussy through there so that's almost the exact same thing my condo yeah she's wearing just a condom it's i mean it's it's a giant it's a latex gown that is completely see-through just like in matrix when you go um into that restaurant and monica belucci's wearing the same thing and you can see monica belucci's bush in that one scene yeah yeah except monica belushi's was classy because you just saw a shadow of bush and i see like bianca's like labia did you just have all these saved on your phone yeah yeah these are saved on my phone this is a lot of i had to scroll through a lot more filth just to get to those i'll promise you yeah i like how how kanye dresses like one of the fucking wet

bandits and his uh his wife is just always borderline naked like he is dressed up in like everything but a balaclava and she's nude it's and sometimes a balaclava and sometimes he goes full burglar what's the red Reddit code for it? Is this Bianca? It's like Bianca NSFW, I think. I'll get the exact one in just a second. Let's see. Bianca. Yeah, it's Bianca Sensori NSFW.

Bianca is spelled like you would think, but Sensori is C-E-N-S-O-R. He got it. I-I, for those listening. NSFW. It's, you know, top all. You get some fun there. But you also want to use hot as well because you never know if she's done something cool tonight.

Yeah, you never know. Yeah. This is a wild way to parade your wife around. That is not even a condom. That just looks like a plastic bag. Oh, that's a different one. I know what you're talking about. It looks like a cheap raincoat

that a restaurant would give you in an emergency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet it's expensive as shit. No, it says like Sizzler on the side. Sizzler. It's actually one of those tablecloths that you

get at a cheap catering event where like they punched a hole in it she's just making like cream of wheat naked for all intents and purposes on this man she um she went some wild shit bro yeah she does I want to I want to let's get another

Kanye interview I bet a lot of exciting stuff's been going on in his life and I bet even more opinions have fomented and developed and i want to know what's up yeah i would like to say he's feeling vindicated right like i i bet in his mind he's like they're starting to see my side of this i'm not gonna say who's bombing Gaza. Yeah. That would be funny if he mentioned that.

And that would make such funny rap lyrics. It's like, did he care until Gaza got bombed? Yeah. Well, I thought like one of the more recent ones was like he was he was claiming that like he was a real like the real Jew. Right. The real Israel or something like that. I don't know about any of that. Maybe I'm speaking lies on Kanye right now. Yeah, don't do that.

I'm misremembering a different black Israelite that I saw online. The black Israelite. That's a funny group. That's an interesting group. To be so wrong about so much. Taylor, who's to say that one person's viewpoint is wrong? You know what you're right.

He just did. Yeah. Taylor, how do you know? They're ballsy. All the videos I see of them online is like screaming at passersby, largely in New York, which is like a lot of Jews in New York. So they're fishing in the right pond if they're going for that and just claiming that like i am the real jew and some jewish guy will be like no you're not i am jewish and he'll be like prove it show me your african judaism certificate or like

whatever fucking nonsense they make up on the spot yeah that would be so fun just go out there make shit up and know that no one can push back that hard because you're standing there with, like, bats. Every group does that, though. I saw Nazis today on a street corner saying awful things that I can't even. In Atlanta? No, on the Internet. Oh. I was like, oh, my God.

You went outside? Yeah. you went outside they had pamphlets like throwing them into a jewish man's car and and calling him like jewish slurs like throwing these like anti-g pamphlets in his car and he's screaming back and i'm like throwing him out of his car and then i guess they found some black people who were stopped at the red light and they started calling them defective farming equipment. That's not nice. Wait, is that a euphemism or is that for like the N word?

Or are you saying that's what they actually, they literally said that you're defective farming equipment and that you can't operate in our society. And, and they got out of their car and tried to fight. And he's like, see, I told you you're proving it right now. That is not a very they fell

into his trap they fell into his trap people like that they're like uh i was a fuckhead to someone for hours and then they beat the shit out of me i win and because i got exactly what i wanted it's like shut up you're asking did you deserved it he's a deserved it. Do you think there are any Nazis with full, luscious heads of hair that shave it or that going bald is part of that process? No. No, they shave it. If you're one of the like... Having no bitches is part of that movement, surely.

No. Most political extremism seems to stem from that. Bitches for every movement. You see those on the backs of motorcycles with some disgusting dude and she's like, Oh, but hey, look. Catching strays.

I dispute that. It stands for super sport. Waffen SS super sport. All these like super manly all the like all the super sports all these like super manly organizations that they say like so they're like these biker gangs and shit like that they're always like oh yeah they're the toughest men and stuff and then you'll be like oh yeah what's your uh what's your initiation ritual and they're like oh yeah we um we we fuck each we fuck each other or we fuck in front of each other or something and it's always the gayest shit possible it's like hang on so you guys are the manliest men

and then you're like oh yeah we're gonna touch each other's dicks as initiation it's always the same it's the same make it sound like racing to jerk off on a pizza slowest one eats it is gay yeah that's not i am kind of saying that but but it's always, it's always the, uh, these organizations that press, that pretend to be like super manly. And then they just have these super gay initiation rights and they're like, and then, and then no women hang out there as well. And it's like, Oh, yes, yes. Quite badly. Right.

No, I saw the British army doing. So when they're, uh, Oh a big one. Well, not really. They got these 12 guys they send down to Africa every now and then, I guess. They only go to small islands. They don't need that many. The initiation for this unit in Africa was apparently you flipped a coin and heads you could wear a condom

when you fucked the whore, the prostitute. And tails, you get no condom. And of course, this is one of those awful African countries. One of those unique ones that things aren't going so well in. Not one of the great ones. Not one of those.

Not Wakanda. Not one of the fictional ones. Yeah. And so wait. Man, that's a terrible initiation. I saw the funniest meme the other day it was like uh talking about how uh the the greatest superhero the greatest superhero you know in uh in african-american culture is just a culture that actually operates like a country

that's not a piece of shit they were super advanced though. They had that special metal. I admit, I never watched the movie. Vibranium. It was awful. It was a shit movie. So wait, you guys were like the most advanced culture on the planet, like always, and you let your neighbors sell

your other neighbors to the colonizers? So, I guess you eventually went out and punished those evil guys who were selling all of your brothers and sisters. No, no. You're just mad at Bilbo, who has flown here from New York to save the world. You're going to call him a colonizer because he tried to show you respect. And then, oh, look, here come the other tribe to bark like gorillas.

That was such a great tier movie. and then oh look here come the other tribe to bark like gorillas that was weird your movie everybody jerked off on that movie like like come on come on that was it sounds dumb and then don't first of all don't call him bilbo oh i loved when they all rode rhinos at the end but yes i hated it it was terrible it's a bod it's the c-tier of marvel movies there's a there's. There's a level for maybe Ant-Man and the Wasp or something. One of those really shitty ones. It's in the C tier. There are A tier Avengers Endgame and the Infinity War.

Two movies. Those are good movies. In the scope of all movies. I forget the name of it, but I put it with it. The one where Thanos wins. It's when Thanos wins. Ant-Man's sidekick? Yeah. How did that happen? A wasp is

much more powerful. Well, I'm not going to take time to explain Ant-Man's powers to you. Ant-Man can shrink up real small and then fly like a bullet He shrinks really small He one punched a Leviathan You were all impressed when the Hulk did it

You overlooked Ant-Man doing it I was impressed when neither did it What does the Wasp do? She just has a flying suit Oh, she, makes sense now It's a girl that's why she's this subservient superhero i'm back while we haven't writing marvel movies they all fucking suck i've been driving that shit into the ground i agree that's true but it just took

me a while to get there i think that Black Panther was a C tier movie but that makes it C tier Marvel is to me an average or maybe even slightly above average general movie I gave it like a 6 out of 10, 5 out of 10 I watch superhero movies, movies are different things for me, a movie is not just a movie

if I'm watching a Marvel movie I'm going in the same way I would go into watching a cartoon of the X-men i i have certain expectations and i don't necessarily i will expect some allegories and some bigger thoughts to to be there under there's a bit of subtext maybe but i also expect a bunch of cgi at the end and a big punch them out cool fight um where where the the in the end game stuff what separates that is you've got thanos finally a villain that's has a sympathetic cause you're like he's what annihilating half of the population for yeah for a reason he wants he's trying to um save the the universe by getting rid of half of

them in the in the movie at least in the comics he had a sillier more selfish reason but if you know like kyle said he feels like cutting the universe's population in half would make every make the remainder happy which which hoppy it's not gonna like huh random it's well i would do it like panos did and i would make it random like random i don't need to take half only a very specific percentage if you're gonna but if he he really did it randomly the women yes the women the women we'll throw the fuck out all right gay is gonna go back to meaning happy i promise you once all the ladies are gone yeah fucking take me to then if thanos was trying to do it man he just why did why would he do it solely randomly he couldn't be like all right rapists you're in the you're in the you're in the next

half thanos does a lot of administrative work who was thanos to stand in judgment of any one man he's looking out for the the universe as a whole and tried to solve this overpopulation problem this this hunger problem this poverty problem um thanos double the food idiot i know you know what taylor you know what taylor he should double the food and then the english the eagles don't even fucking say it oh no oh you don't like that one you don't like that one? You don't like that one? Well, how about this one, you goober? Maybe Gandalf should take those tongs he used to pull the ring out of the fire and just never let go and hop on an eagle himself

and fly the ring to the volcano. Then he can drop it in. Don't worry. It's very cool and such. That's not working. They're time-release tongs. Eventually, the ring would have overpowered the tongs themselves well wait a minute

Sam was able to carry Frodo who wore the ring right what if he just put the ring on a necklace put it around a chicken and carry the chicken all the way to Mordor just in a short amount of time though what if the chicken becomes evil the chicken gets that then the chicken becomes invisible

man I'm afraid of birds fuck that i don't i mean i did think about that like even watching lord of the rings as a kid when i'm when i was like like 10 11 watching that beginning scene where it's like and it was lost to legend or whatever and it was just sitting in the bottom of a riverbed i was like all right so this guy's not totally omniscient or anything so it's like a movie where they're like, you can run, but you can't hide. Like, you can hide in this circumstance. We could have put that in a really deep well. He didn't have, like, specific power at that time.

His power, like, increases. That's true. If you watch The Hobbit, like, they shoehorned all that extra story into it but he comes back at that uh that dog will door like he uh he regains his power and that he can see where i will not watch the hobbit movies again that they're pretty shit that scene the all i remember of it is a terrible memory of them bobbing around in that water in the back legolas is like running across the stones with that inserted

character that lady elf and it's like love interest insert is it legolas an inserted character himself well into this story yes but not into the tolkien universe oh okay yeah the whole storyline inserted and they cgi'd him to look younger and they somehow made him look older just makes no

sense and then also, like, that Rivertown... Like, this is more critiquing the story itself, but, like, that Rivertown was like, all we can do to fuck it up is shoot these ballistas at it. Better make one.

It's like, dude, if I were in charge, they'd be like, what are we going to do, Master Tyler? Shall we get to crops? I'd be like, dude, if I were in charge, they'd be like, what are we going to do, Master Tyler? Shall we get to crops? I'd be like, no, until we have a ballista in every house. We don't do anything. A ballista under every hearth.

And then everyone stumps. That's Mikey Ballistas. Everybody's starving to make ballistas. Blot out the sun with black arrows. Also, what confuses me is that they have this shitty town where everyone's fucking poor and they're all just floating on this river yet there's

fuckloads of usable land that they can just move to and make their lives fucking way better. If we're going to talk about awful movies, I watched Dune 2 last night. Has anybody seen Dune 2? Yeah, I watched the other night as well. All right.

I've read the first book. I love the first movie to be the corny Hollywood failure that it was. I do enjoy watching it for what it is. Oh, the original? Yeah, the original. Was it David Lynch that directed that directed that it was but if

you ask him he won't tell a lie yeah yeah he literally disowned the project yeah so so and then we get this almost ruined his career yes we get this new dude with um chalamet uh who was a great actor who's i like him a lot i love him he was He was amazing. Have you seen The King? Oh, The King is so fucking good. I love The King. The King in part is about the English king that went to fight at the Battle of Agincourt against the French king's son, who was played by Robert Pattinson. And there's this wonderful scene where the English king comes to Robert Pattinson, who is, you know, he is robert pattinson but french now which is like you hate him as soon as you see him he's sitting there he's he's such a good actor

as well though english yeah i like english dude french i don't know more and simple like like it opens with that i could submit where he's like you have a tiny little cock he's like you're so fucking funny man that movie is fucking excellent i've watched that like three times already i yeah i just saw dune 2 i like that i like the first dune um that came out a couple years ago uh i liked it a lot and i felt like it was a long movie where not a lot happened, but they took their time and you got some character development and you kind of melted into this world and got to understand it a bit. The second one was awful.

It's beautiful. The soundtrack's amazing. I love all the actors. They're doing great jobs. I like all the CGI's even better in this one somehow. The story's very interesting, and then it felt like they this one. Somehow the story is very interesting. And then they it felt like they took an hour of the movie out at random. There's a point in this movie.

This isn't a spoiler. There's a point in this movie where Paul Atreides, the one is trying to like join the desert people. He's trying to become one of the Fremen. And he's going through these initiations. And the guy is like, this is the first initiation. You must walk out there. and he points far into the distance to the farthest dune, and then return. Beware of the sand

dunes and the djinn, the desert spirits that will talk to you and try to trick you. Beware of this and that, and always do the secret fucking dancey steps so the worms don't kill you. Are you ready? And this guy is like, wants him to survive so bad because this might be the messiah and he's a true believer great scene then he starts walking and zendaya shows up and then he never goes on the journey and and what i

mean is they don't decide not to go on the journey they just have a hard cut and the journey apparently happened and we're weeks later in the future and zendaya showed him how he's a water filter for like eight seconds and then snap again now he's doing a whole different thing and you're like what is happening it is weird i found the i found the pacing in it to be fucked like the the first movie has like has good pacing it's slow all throughout but it's like a master class in cinematography and then this one it's like slow as fuck in cinematography. And then this one, it's like slow as fuck. And CGI. And then it just has weird fucking cuts.

No, in shot composition, in cinematography. Yeah, shot composition. I hate it. It was just like, I'm not here to watch fucking Zillow ads for an imaginary universe where I just look at room after room after room. Oh, look at this magnificent room. It has a balcony and a pool. That's what dude one was to me. I liked it.

I liked it. Every shot in that was fan looked fantastic, but you are right. Like the story was like, the story was kind of disjointed and they didn't show as much, as much shit as they possibly could have. Like there wasn't very much explanation or anything. Most of it was just like,

hey, look at this dope room. You know what I noticed? You know what I noticed? Like, I would like to see them just sit... I like the part in movies where, okay, the big thing just happened. Now we're going to go have a meal and have a quiet conversation

and, like, have a big, like, moment. A bit of exposition, you know? Some exposition. And what I'd also like to see, like, I'd like to see what this guy's bedroom looks like i'd like to see how they're surviving in those caves and how where their food's coming from what i did love that was so fucking cool they go to the harkonnen planet the bad bad guys and they're the pale people and i guess they're yeah see that that bit was sick their son is black and it's like the color spectrum on their world is such that i guess everything is in black and white like their world is in black and it's like the color spectrum on their world is such that i guess

everything is in black and white like their world is in black and white and it was their fireworks were this weird like inky explosion in the air and and this at this point they they've waited until now to introduce sting's character who is like the big bad that that our guy is gonna have to fight at the end and it's like what are you doing why are we only now meeting this guy this guy gets like two scenes and then he fights the the good guy at the end he wasn't built up at all he wasn't in the first movie he's saying he's saying is sick uh but yeah they they cucked that character like he was he was fucking awesome like they i was so disappointed. I'm wondering if there's an extended version someday.

First of all, it's a very long movie already. It was three hours or more or something. It was very long. But it felt, honestly, like an hour of that movie was missing. It felt like the TV version of movies sometimes growing up. I don't know if people even are familiar with what I'm talking about. But the TV version would be edited for time. So they would make a two hour and 20 minute movie and make

it exactly whatever. Braveheart's like 50 minutes. Or 91 minutes. And you're like, whoa, what happened? We didn't talk after the big fight. We're just at a new fight now? That's what it felt like. If you watch The Patriot on TV, it went straight from his son dying to meeting meeting about what they needed to do next and

it's like what the fuck like all the all the fighting in the woods like you got rid of it yeah i was so disappointed because i had such very high hopes for it um yeah y'all y'all like it i know hutch like jerked off over it i was so excited and heaps of people were telling me how fucking amazing it was and then i watched it i was like it's this is weird like very disappointing yeah very disappointing i wonder if there'll be a five-hour version at some point that like tells the story it the problem is it's a big story the kind of story that i hate to say this is better told in many many series yeah limited many like like it's it's a chernobyl sized story shogun yeah it's a shogun sized story and and yeah i i watched the whole fallout show

i'm on the last episode it came out last night i've done that whole fucking thing today it's uh like seven hours of that shit it's at least dumb question is it like the video game is that fallout yeah yeah okay okay um so it takes place like 15 years after fallout 4 so you're in kind of uncharted territory as far as the timeline goes but they they're in um california they're in la they they mention things from prior games and my god it might be the best video game adaptation of all time as far as accuracy like like um everyone really likes. What's the zombie one with the little girl and Pedro Pascal? The Last of Us.

Last of Us is one of the best as far as acting and production value and just really making me feel something. That gay episode I love so much. Not a wasted time there. The second gay episode when they're. We don't have to relitigate. I didn't like the second gay episode, but I did like the first gay episode now back to fallout it's so i enjoyed my first time as well to be honest oh my god but i was sore the second time around yeah yeah they made uh if you remember they made halo a couple years ago and i think it might be doing well viewer wise but i it's all

departure from the canon of the games and i don't just mean doing well viewer wise but i it's awful departure from the canon of the games and i don't just mean that they made a character the wrong color i don't mean that they're on a different planet i don't mean that they combine two characters into one i mean they go off the fucking rails and master chief showing his ass and his face master chief's getting laid like get the fuck out of here that's not halo fallout wise this is Fallout. This is unflinchingly Fallout. This is gore, murder, rape, slavery. I can't tell how much you like it. I love it so much.

I watched seven hours of it. I watched seven hours of it today. Well, he's also a huge Fallout fan. I might watch a lot of it. That's true. Amazon. All eight episodes dropped yesterday or last night on Amazon. It's got Walton Goggins playing a ghoul cowboy.

It's got this cute girl with really big eyes. Her name's like Purnell or something like that. She's very pretty. She plays like the main character who's sort of, there's like three main characters. And they're all sort of mumbling around trying to, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very good the weapons even are perfect

like if you've played fallout you're gonna be like oh the whole way through that leonardo you're gonna be that leonardo dicaprio meme the whole way through as you watch it wasn't is it like stop frame fighting and in the tv show that's

that's that's that's that's it yeah i don't know the game no no there's no first person shooter for lobster accountants that is yeah no there's no uh there's no vats um it's it's telling a story um you know it's um lots of characters and uh it's very good i like it a lot uh i i think i would like enjoyment of it do you think is because you're like an enormous fallout fan um i think i would like it even if i was new to fallout if anything i think this would be making me want to check out fallout now um it's it's interesting they it's a fine line when you're at when you're adapting a video game like fallout for example when you get hurt you can be really badly hurt but enough stem packs

or the right med fix your right up yeah and they do that so like you'll think someone's dead and you'll be like ah i've got a stem pack though and it's like oh thank god he had one they seem to be very rare but we'll come up with one if we need to. And characters will get just terribly maimed, just terribly maimed, lots of gore. All the weapons are even right. Like the vaults and the Vault-Tec stuff, the vault boy.

And I love it so fucking much. The sound effects are exactly right. And it's an interesting story uh it's post-apocalyptic if you like post-apocalyptic stuff with um like dark fucking humor and dark twists you'd like this as well without that's funny like i saw i saw someone nitpicking on it like i know that you're like saying how close it is to like the game it's hilarious that some people like have that. There's like the level of how close they want it to be.

And there was this dude on, on Twitter nitpicking that like they had one of the power armor suits. And then the dude like jet packed over and he's like, he, he doesn't even have a jet pack attachment on his, on his power armor. The show is so gay. on his power armor.

The show is so gay. It's not neither's gay. It's the school. Those guys are assholes. And I know exactly what you're talking about. The jetpack's a whole other thing. You hop through on your back. But he had jetpack arm things that let him fly for just a minute. And it was a comical thing.

He didn't know how to fucking use them, so he loses control and falls. It's funny. That's absurd to be mad about that'd be like being mad because in the lore actually vault 31 is the vault with the lobster people it has nothing to do with the story exactly yeah yeah get over it get over that like it's the right world was there anything in there that you as a fan were like oh they did a did a bad job with this. I wanted to see this portrayed a different way. No, no, everything's exactly right. Like the guns are exactly right.

Like they made the guns and there are so many different guns because it's a video game, you know. There's different classes of guns. The way that when people get shot, the way their bodies react, like when people get shot in the head and fall out,

their heads explode into all this gore. So heads are exploding into gore. Everyone's very awful. Even the food, you know, there's lots of food items like Blanco, mac and cheese, and everything's corporate. I didn't know all the Fallout games

were supposed to be in the same universe. I guess I probably should have. I've only played the one. Very much so. Okay. There's just different times in the same. And like 10 seconds, basically, it's an alternate reality where instead of microchips,

they advanced into like fusion technology, but they stayed with transistors. So everything is that bulb tech. But you got nuclear cars, but you've got like old school TV sets. You mean vacuum tubes or transistors? Vacuum tubes. That's exactly what I mean.

Yeah. And there was a big resource war with China, and the US won it. And because of that, the Chinese nuked us, and so we nuked them. And at the center of all that is a grand conspiracy through what was the largest corporation in the world, a trillion-dollar company called Vault-T Tech that kind of owned a little bit of everything and was not only responsible for the war, but also responsible for a great many atrocities, including the vault program, which is just to experiment on people. They sold them to people as like your salvation during the war. But in reality, most of the vaults, 95% maybe, are experiments, social experiments, science experiments, all sorts of weird things.

Like maybe one of them might have 400 women and one man. One of them will be completely ruled by scientists. One of them will have a computer that tells you if you don't elect a leader every year and then execute him at the end of that year, you'll all die. And so they've been doing that for 200 years not knowing that nothing happens it was just an experiment and the monitors are already dead the people who are monitoring the experiments are long gone in many cases so it's really dark universe it's fun interesting well if i get into the fallout universe i'll check that show out fuck you i think it's like one of the best ones out of fallout 3 is like you end up finding the president

it's just like some fucking shit old like bbc computer that's like a piece of shit and he's just like i'm the president i did i tried to play fallout new vegas but i tried it after fallout 4 and there were like you know if you're not used to an old game and you get and you learn not even the nostalgia but like you jump in on a version that has a lot of quality of life changes added as far as like user interface and all that shit and making it smooth like if i would have started on fallout 2 or whatever the fuck like one from 12 years ago was i probably would have enjoyed it but going from fallout 4 backwards i was like oh this looks so much worse and it's gonna mod the fuck out of its face yeah

new vegas is the best story wise um it's everybody says four is the most stable and easily moddable yeah and i find uh i find new vegas to be kind of annoying like a lot of the way you like move in between like when you go to the towns you have to go in through like a lot of the way you like move in between like when you go to the towns you have to go in through like a certain door and then you have like this loaded this or you'll go to like so you go to the town and you get there and you have to walk all the way around to the other side of the town to go in the door and it's like and it's annoying as fuck but you can model that shit but it's like it's a like you need 100 gig of mods to make that game good i remember that specifically in new vegas where i was like showing up at like some town and i'm like i'm here all

right there's no possible way they want me to walk around the entire fence to go in the like the two miles of in-game from here i'm clearly missing an entrance somewhere where's the missing entrance it's like i looked it up online it's like, you're just supposed to kind of meander through the desert and survive with your cap gun until you get to the main. I tried to get into Fallout, but Kyle ruined it for me. How so? What he doesn't like RPGs. At the time, I was a live streamer and I was like, all right, I'm going to give Fallout a try. And Kyle pops in the stream and he's like, hey, I play this game a lot.

I could be your tour guide. So he does. He pops in. We're playing in the same game, but he's so high that we just get lost for like an hour or so. The game couldn't be more. It's just a walk around in the desert loss simulator. And I'm like, this game sucks. And I never played it.

So he's a terrible God. The way Woody played Skyrim was amazing. For anybody who's played Fallout New Vegas and just heard that, they're like, but that's the game. It is a walk around. This is what I always feel about you and RPGs. Look, I was high, and I did get us lost. However... He apologized

afterwards. It really happened like that. Yeah, I know. I often apologize when I don't think I'm right. I thought, or when i still think i'm right yeah you just gaslighting it yeah yeah it was terrible it was a horrible day made words no it's that's what you do when you play rpgs you seem to want to like speed run the main quest and but like i'm a bit of a way to play that like like the way to play that game is to get lost in the desert and like run into some uh rad roaches and you're all jealous

faster than you yeah the way you played skyrim pisses me off because i i love rpgs i just have to like get into the universe and i just as listeners know like i'm much more sucked in by the fantasy magic world of like skyrim and by the time i rock out by the time i rock up to the final boss in skyrim man i'm fucking one hitting that guy with my pinky finger because i've done so many side quests oh that dude alduin or whatever he's never even given me a second of trouble because like man i'm known i'm like the fucking prince of of winter hold i'm the head of the thieves guild exactly actually i'm not the head of the thieves guild yet because i'm not going to finish that quest because i want the skeleton key and so i just like the way woody

played sky i'll play skyrim and forget the shouts because because i don't want to do those quests i'm like i'm not doing those quests i do that exact thing where like i'll get to a point in the game where it's like you have to shout yourself through some barricade and it's like fuck now i have to go do that really boring part of the game where you're like talking to wizards at the top of the mountain i want to get to the fun yeah but the way woody plays skyrim is literally like he's never done another one of those organizations with those gay initiation rituals. The Assassin's Guild? Yeah, the Dark Brotherhood. You never did that. That's the most fun

side quest of the whole game. I did something wrong, and there might have been a bug, and it was just impossible to ever try again. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like you keep talking to the person, and they pretend, they're like,

what are you still doing here, initiate? You need to go get the magus macacus. And you're like, here it is! And you're like, this is it! You drop it at their feet and it's like, well, enough wasting my time around here. And he walks away with a guffin at his feet. And it's just like...

That was frustrating. like to speed run skyrim is insane like a lot of the fun is just just meandering about is so much of the fun like being the most powerful wizard in and like when you get late game you can just fuck around where it's like all right can i kill every guard in every city and of course you can or can i paralyze every single person in jarl balgrif's employ where you go in there he's like ah here comes the helm of winterfell and then you're like and you paralyze him and everyone's like yeah come with me peacefully then you hit. Then you fuck them up. Good times. Did you play

Starfield? No. I had friends get into that with incredibly high hopes. And all of them 2-1 after like 4 hours of playing, they're like this sucks. There's nothing else to do.

It's not like Skyrim apparently to do i'm just like it's not like skyrim apparently where you're you know you'll walk through the wilderness in skyrim and you'll find like a hunter in a shack and that hunter will have like his own lore and backstory and he'll send you somewhere to do something yeah in starfield my brother and my buddies were like yeah you can go to a million planets and each one has nothing to do yeah i i played that on stream and i was like i went into it and i'm like look i i have zero expectations here guys i'm loading up the screen and i'm loading up and i'm saying that i'm like i have zero fucking expectations i'm the most cynical man ever because i i don't like getting hyped i i my hype my hype fucking gland was ruined by

metal gear solid 5 and cyberpunk coming out all right i was so fucking i was so i was i was jizzing for those games to come out and they've ruined my life um so i went into it with zero expectations as i do every game because i'm a cynical fuck and i started playing it and then i was like i'm kind of getting bored and everyone's like no give it a chance give it a chance so i started drinking and i was like you know you know what'll make this fun 35 cans of beer and so i played it for 20 hours straight and i just got drunker and drunker and more belligerent and by the end of like 20 hours like this 20 hour stream i was just abusing the fuck out of it and just like abuse like personally

attacking todd howard it just like it was terrible and i'm like i i went to bed and then i woke up the next morning i didn't really remember what happened and someone's one of my mods is like yeah i heard you didn't really like starfield brown i'm like oh apparently i didn't games you said ruined hype for you yeah metal gears metal gear solid 5 and cyberpunk cyberpunk got good though they they fixed that metal gear solid 5 they kanami forced uh hideo kojima to push the game to release and then they cut out like a bunch of the story and at like the whole like proper ending of it and there's like this deleted scenes thing where they show sort of like the development of the last part of the story and it it ties everything together and it makes sense

and it was just and they just cut it out and so yeah one of the games i can think of that got good later are cyberpunk and there's another one like sky or something it's like a huge planet endless world sort of thing you fly forever yeah no sky yeah say it again no man's sky okay yeah i think these i'm told they're both improved a ton since they yeah got released yeah that's i i haven't gotten into those games i really enjoyed hell divers most recently that that's a great mash-em-up co-op that's a really good game that's the only thing I've been playing recently I need a new game honestly, I'm kind of done

with Helldivers, I've killed enough bugs I've got one point there this is an older game that I've been playing, Crusader Kings on the outset I was like, this this is gonna be the most nerdy shit ever it's gonna be boring as fuck but essentially you play as like a ruler in medieval times i think

i started in like the year 700 and something and i'm i started as like a uh some kind of like lord in um scotland and the idea is that you have your like there's fuck loads of other rulers all over the map and it's just like this one big world where they all sort of do shit and they intermingle and and breed and you can like sort of fuck with them and then go to war with them and i was like i this is this is so detailed and so like nerdy i'm never going to be able to get into this so i just went into a completely blind having no idea And I was like, this is so detailed and so nerdy. I'm never going to be able to get into this. So I just went into it completely blind,

having no idea what the fuck I was doing. And it turns out it's fucking great. I was like, now I have this gigantic inbred kingdom in Scotland where I just keep marrying my daughters and sons to each other. And my character, my first king ended up getting fucking um getting what it's called lover's pox in the game but i can only assume it's some kind of herpes that he got off a whore he's got habsburg syndrome at this point he does he's he's going full habsburg so i have these like inbred like herpes infested kings that i'm just going around and fucking like all of the queens in

europe like fucking all their wives and giving them all herpes and inbred children what is this game this is vr right this is vr oh fuck i've got a nasty case of the lovers pops it's called crusader kings i oh okay yeah yeah people told me to check that out yeah it's and it's fucking hilarious like my first king he drank himself to death in ireland having a drinking competition with someone like that's that's perfect drinking competition in ireland yeah it was a bad idea yeah yeah he's uh he had two sons and uh i tried to disinherit one because he was a dumbass uh he was my bastard and uh so and but at the time he died he only had a he had a one-year-old baby and uh that that that baby inherited the kingdom so i was

playing as a one-year-old baby and then and then the fucking the older son uh sort of took control and uh the the uh fucking some random c random murdered him so i went back to playing as the one-year-old baby and then the one-year-old baby died and so i ended up as like is this uh like a turn-based uh it's not kind of it's like uh it's strategy but it's sort of like you all move at the same time kind of thing it's real-time strategy yeah uh kind of but you don't really like you don't move your armies in the same you same time same way you do as an rts it's more like sieves kind of shit but not turn-based okay yeah and it but it's more like instead of focusing on like the combat sort of thing it's more focused on like the the relationships between the different

rulers and stuff like you. You can plot to murder rulers if they're pissing you off, or you can send them gifts, or you can seduce them and fuck them. Wait, it's a grand strategy game, so it's kind of like the campaign version of Warhammer games.

Is it like that game that they were playing in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when Frank was dressed as a woman eating the peaches? No, that was... Yes, it probably is. This is a single-player game, right? Yeah. No, you can play multiplayer as well.

This is the best part about it. You can have like 64 people. This is why I mention it. I want you guys to get your Patreon guys and then everyone gets a country and then you all just... Your entire goal is the person who fucks the most other people's wives.

Yeah, but then we're all going to get the lovers. Crusader Kings. Yeah. Yes, exactly. It's fucking funny. Queen Victoria got blacked. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's fucking funny. Queen Victoria got blacked. I like that. That's what, that's what happened.

I, uh, in my game, in my game, I sold, I sold my daughter to the, to the prince of England. She ended up becoming queen of England. And then my bastard son married her. So they were cousins or, or some sorry yeah half brother and sister and then they got married so now i have these inbred hapsburgs and she was the queen of england and i was the king of scotland and then their children ended up being like the empire of britannia i mean that's the cost of power yeah and real yeah and he said and then like as they get more inbred like you can have like bad traits so like my cat there's a character in my like bloodline

and uh she was a dumbass so i married her to a um a dwarf guy and uh then they started producing these like fucking mongoloid children and then I started marrying them into like powerful families in Europe. And then they started having more mongoloid children. So it's like- So you are kind of like reverse eugenicizing the whole world. Yeah, and then I'm taking their really good like daughters. And so like they're really smart and beautiful daughters. I'll marry them into my family.

So my like Scottish household is this like testament to eugenics and it's awesome and then i'm using this like genetic warfare to make like the king of france retarded retarded dwarf bombs all over the world exactly yeah like there's no way their kids are gonna stand up to my my six foot five danans that i'm reading exactly yeah and i had to yeah but most like uh like they have like uh inheritance law so like uh my inheritance law in my land is that gets split equally between my male children but i can't have that because i need to consolidate power so i ended up killing three of my sons so i locked him in jail and tortured him to death you know i'm like no it needs to be consolidated on just this one on on slush puppy the third because he's the most

powerful i need him to i need i need him to be the best so i'll just like these these are games you can just like pop into it and play for a couple hours save it back out like you're not playing campaigns but yeah okay yeah oh man i played it for 14 hours yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before that i'm fucking obsessed with it is the world a better place than you found it uh i own britannia and uh and uh everyone's scared of me because they don't like me i had to uh sort of become a little bit despotic so it's better for him yeah and i guess that's the point of the game right he's doing great.

He's on his fourth, my current king, he's on his fourth wife. He's 61. She's only 20. He somehow knocked her up. I'm pretty proud of that. But it's also annoying because if she has another son, then I'm going to have to split my kingdom. So that baby's probably going to get shaken to death at some stage.

Is that an option? Press V repeatedly to shake? Well, you can do a bunch of different stuff so like i can i can send the baby to someone that hates me and then they might murder him or i can like send him to someone that's like has a plague ridden place and then hopefully the child gets sick or i can fucking uh i could i could murder the child if i'm like a sadistic bastard i can murder i can murder my wife while she's pregnant. It's probably easier for you to murder your fifth child than it was the first one.

You're kind of in the habit of it now. It's getting easier. It is getting easier. But you're sticking to one. How many more years? You're going to come down with the lover's pox? Well, yeah, I think so. I mean, yeah, they've all got the herp at the moment.

I mean, one of my wives ended up dying of it, which was a bit sad, but that's okay. She died of herpes? It became worse herpes. It was like mega herpes. I don't know what the fuck it gave her. But it's so dumb. It's like...

How old? Is this a new game? No, it's not new. It's been out for a while, but they have lots of DLCs and shit. It's called Crusader Kings. Alright. Crusader Kings. The shit you can do in it is just dumb as fuck.

Are you playing Tarkov anymore? No, not really. I did all the quests and shit like that. Will you be back next wipe? Yeah, if they had anything good. They're always saying, well, we're going to do this, we're going to do this, and then they drop the wipe, and it's like one-eighth of what they said they're going to do.

Yeah, I mean, I haven't played for a long time, but they still can't link the maps together. Oh, they'll never do that there's no fucking way never no i don't they can't even get one map to run well how could it be maybe maybe like 20 years in the future when we have way better computers and the graphics are super outdated but the game just runs like is it even hard it seems like when you link the maps together you're just going to another map instead of your stash like it's not oh you mean i thought you meant loading them all at once and like having them all no i thought there was gonna be i'm gonna

fuck this up but like you are from customs you need to go through factory or something like that yeah yeah no they were talking about that they They haven't done that shit. But I thought you meant, though, like having all of them loaded at once and like it's one big world. Because they did talk about trying to do that at some stage. But then they sort of deleted a record of it off the internet and never talked about it again. So, yeah. I think they closed the so-called gun show loophole today.

But in reality, it's this poorly worded legalese that would allow anyone who sells a firearm to another person to be prosecuted. Really? Yeah. Nationally, they did that? Yeah. Like what? Well, that's terrible. Before, the idea was you had to be getting the majority of your income

or more than 50% of your income from the sale of firearms. If you were doing that, you were said to be a firearms dealer and you had to get a dealer's license. You'd have to do background checks and document everything and then report to the government. You'd always be able to sell your shotgun to your neighbor if you wanted to

but it's sort of the wording of it says that if you're making profit from the sale of guns and it's like okay so anyone who sells a gun then well you know not always he could like like what your lawyer would say was he bought the shotgun for 800 and he sold it for 550 but that's a scenario where we're already in court right yeah you know sounds like bad people don't know the background on this at all in america you used to be able to sell guns as a private person like just like you could sell a bicycle like it was just the thing. And, uh, people said it was a gun show loophole because this activity often took place at gun shows,

not people with booths. Those are dealers. And those dealers did a background check. But if you're just a dude who wore his gun there, that's a thing you do. You put a little flag in the barrel. Like, so people knew it was for sale.

Then you just as a dude could sell it to someone else who was just a dude and then a couple years ago i'll make it up like six years ago they put some more requirements in an effort to close that gun show loophole and like kyle said if a lot of your income came from selling guns i didn't realize that's how the like that's what the loophole was i thought it was like hey i thought there was just no background checks if you brought it off a dealer at a show I swear they like misleadingly make you think that but I promise you I bought that's that fucking who was that who was that stupid fat cunt that did

the um probably Michael Moore yeah yeah yeah so anyway there was some other movie on it that like if you have business cards they would say you're not a private individual you're a gun sale person so you would need to do background checks on the people that you sell guns to it's only regular guys like me i've sold maybe one or zero guns

my whole life i had something like that um i'm allowed to sell a gun at least i used to be able to now it looks like they want almost everyone to do background checks. They've left that law ambiguous, which is a thing they often do. So that now, so that a, they're not taxed now with scooping up anyone who does it, but B now they can have another thing to prosecute people with. It's, it's going to be another one of those.

And, and the way it was worded was so annoying. They, they mentioned the ATF as this poor agency who's underfunded. It was like, Oh, Oh, are they not they've got anyway not the atf let's pull guys the word of the law is is very uh and the fact that the law has just been passed that that by a signature somewhere nobody voted or anything you know i mean our congressman didn't get together um well that seems like a bigger deal than it's being made out i didn't hear about this at all happy today i believe they're after people

who are engaging in the business of selling guns but i can't find the details that kyle knows like we have a like in australia if you sell one you have to go to a gun dealer and say hey can you facilitate the sale of this gun and then they'll do a background check on the person that you're selling it to and then essentially sell it to you and then they charge you like a small fee like 20 or something that's basically what probably this will turn out to be like you need to use a firearms dealer to facilitate the background check like you said they used to charge 15 dollars that was a long time ago oh and kyle's right they're not forced to do it or anything yeah that's how we buy guns on the internet like you think you're buying it on the internet but really

they're shipping it to your local gun store and then that local gun yeah that was the same in australia yeah like i brought a shotgun recently and i brought it from another state and they just shipped it to a gun seller here. The one in the other state, it's not even really a background check here. They just say, oh, yeah, he has other guns and a license to have firearms, so it's fine. Where I'm from, you needed a background check to buy a pistol. Even if it was just person to person,

you had to have a background check for pistols. Yeah. But I don't know what the law is right now yeah long guns like i know at least here there's nothing required for that or there wasn't until again this afternoon so was that thing true in missouri also i don't know the pistol rule here but i have heard in like different states like some of them have pistol restrictions but like my understanding is long guns are always fine just being like hey what do you want for this double barrel no 350 all right here's 350 and here's your shotgun done legal yeah but i don't like this one bit kyle i don't like you brought it up to me

that i could have gone i really hold kyle responsible for all this who passed this law where where does this come from biden signed a piece of paper son of a bitch that's an executive order is that what exactly it sounds like it was an executive order yeah it was a royal decree i mean executive very different in in in what those are i wonder who guided his hand this time no a kind staffer i don't know i don't know at this point i don't know who's gonna be the next president. And I'm not sure which is scarier.

I'm genuinely a little bit worried about both of them at the wheel, if I'm being 100% honest. I really, really wish. Like, if I remove myself from the comedy of it all and just the entertainment of it all, and I make, let's pretend I get to be one of the joint chiefs. Like, that's going to be my job at the end of the year. And I know that one of these guys is going to be my boss

and I'm going to have to make big decisions. Oh my God, I'm so stressed. Am I going to be a war criminal in history books? Am I going to be the dummy who was asleep at the wheel because one of these goofballs was the president? I don't know if there are any of my friends that I wouldn't want to be president more than like our high level politicians come on i don't all right all right my buddies

any of the guys i would be terrible i'd rather have them i went to high school there's not a lot of jobs where you look at it you go that's a high class job but i reckon i could do it better you know like i wouldn't i wouldn't be like hey i reckon i could run jp morgan better than the guy that runs jp morgan because i have no idea what i'm doing but i reckon i reckon i could even as a as a non-american i reckon i could run the country better than both of those two people i would vote for i would i would pick slush over either one i think i i think i think he's not an American. I don't care.

We could use a guy with a fun accent in there. Exactly. Can you imagine? Instead of it being all somber, he could be like, well, there's some real rough stuff going on over there in Gaza. Yeah. And I don't like it any more than you. Those fucking cunts in Russia, man.

I got fucking shit up over there. We're going to fucking do something about it, bro. Russia? I would like to hear a president say cunt. What nothing to do with it. I don't think I've ever heard that before. That would be good. I don't know who I want to lead the country,

but it's not either of those guys. It really isn't. It's not the fucking rock. That guy seems like a silly guy. The rock's a trumper, first of all. He's not. Oh, then why is he getting so much hate? You know, it's funny how that happens.

So people don't know, in 2020, Rock endorsed Biden. He said, look, I'm a celebrity, and I feel like I have a responsibility to use my voice to push people in what he thinks is the right direction. All right, cool. And then in 2020, he's on Fox News, and they're like, are you endorsing Biden again? And he explained what I just explained. He said, I'm not going to endorse anybody this time around. Not Trump, not Biden, whatever. So right wing news ran with the story. The rock not endorsing Biden. And he's like, I'm just staying out of politics. I feel like I shouldn't use my voice for this. It was a mistake

last time. And like Kyle did this, I agree. I think he just, whichever way the wind blows he feels there isn't a safe person to endorse but no matter what side he chooses he loses half the people so he's just staying away so right now his money is coming from wwe yeah i think they made him like a board trustee i know he is yeah i actually i actually do know but this is something i know about i watch wrestlemania on the weekend he's on the board and he is fully back he was in Wrestlemania

now he's not just on the board he's like the head of storyline production he's a big part of what the story is and I didn't really know this like you know this but maybe others don't there's like a soap opera and yes it is yeah his story is called the his story is called

the bloodline which is like him and his cousins uh and he's like he's i don't know if they're actually cousins but like he's big blood like the the big fucking islander dudes uh and they're fighting against uh uh cody rose yeah uh who is the called the american nightmare and uh so they're like that's their sort of they're fighting against each other called himself the aryan assassin he looks like he's right out of fucking we're getting off topic a little bit like the wwe is tied in with the ufc and they're very tied in with trump so he's just staying out of politics this time yeah oh just the viewership of wrestling is... I reckon he's doing it to protect investments.

...dead-blooded American conservatives, god damn. Yeah. I reckon he's doing it to protect his investments. Like, I highly doubt he endorsed Barnum for any other reason than this will make you look good. I would imagine the UFC viewership as well is much more right-leaning, right? Yeah.

Yeah. You'd have to think so. Yeah. I mean, based on the crowds, so at baseball games you'll see, especially a World Series baseball crowd is not the people of this country. As you can imagine, those seats are thousands of dollars

a piece or whatever, so he'll get boozed there. But when he's at those UFC events, it's like 85-90% thumbs up. And then you hear that occasional but everyone who sees him is clamoring to touch him and to get

time with him. All the celebrities you see like the B-list celebrities and I mean that respectfully real celebrities you know but they're just not a triple A celebrity they're in line over there to maybe get to talk to Mr. Trump. It's definitely a pro-Trump environment.

It's cultish. It's kind of fucking freaky, the way that they worship him. They want to touch him. It's like he's Jesus. It's weird. At what? UFC? Sorry, I was trying to-

Yeah, at UFC. A funny clip of- Have you ever seen that picture of all the people laying hands on Trump? He's praying, and then everybody's laying hands on trump and like he's praying and then everybody's laying hands on him in the oval office or maybe maybe in the there's a table it's called the something something anyway the red he's at this table and they're all laying hands on yeah like like praying for him i saw the arizona one recently did you see that oh yeah they're speaking in tongues on the floor of like the

the senate house or congressional what's what's that religion called there's christianity it's no no no no there's a specific branch of christianity no it's it's um i watched a video about how that how christianity is broken down and it's shockingly um like branched off but i'll say this it's not just this one obscure group i grew up where it happened no no like catholics but like catholics don't do that oh it's protestant yeah but but like it happens in baptists and methodist churches it happens in churches of god it happens we had we had a uh prime minister we were talking about the arizona thing that happened i'm pretty excited about that the speaking of tongues yeah they uh they were on

the floor of like the arizona senate house or whatever the fuck it was like a government building speaking in tongues and praying because they had just removed a woman's right to choose entirely like no exceptions for health of the mother no exceptions for rape or incest or any of that fun stuff so you're telling me no hang on hang on whoa don't you're wrong you're almost perfect it's just in the in cases where the mother's life is threatened abortion is okay okay maybe i'm off on that so you're telling me that they you're telling me that they passed a law where abortion is illegal and that they all jiggled around on the floor, essentially? Close. They actually – actually, a judge chose to recognize a law that was already on the books for –

Oh, that was like that 160-year-old law. From before Arizona was a state. Yes, that's right. A state law from before it was a state. Now, that's the one that I guess – It was a territorial law, but those were grandfathered in, I'm sure. I bet there was lots of good laws that grandfathered in, like don't shoot people in the head. Dude, that's got to be an early law everywhere you go.

Probably. I think we could all learn something by recognizing that people in the year 1797 knew that this was wrong. Okay? I think that's where we all stand, right? Totally Kyle's pro-choice. Someone here has to be. I am. okay i think that's where we all stand right only kyle's pro choice i am you're gonna see my girlfriend running and they're like beating my ear i have no opinion on it i have no opinion on it because i'm like i'm never gonna get pregnant it's not it has nothing to do with me but But my opinion on it is, what does my wife think?

Because I don't want to have a massive fucking argument with her. That's it. What I genuinely believe is that they're murdering an unborn human being child that should have all the rights that we have. I also think porpoises should have those rights. That's not neither here nor there. But I also don't want to have a baby, so I say get in there,

Doc, and make us proud. Don't come out with nobody. I agree with you. It's murdering a baby. Get in there and get it. I want the Doc to be in camouflage when he goes in there. You have a good KD right there. Go in there like SEAL Team 6,

fucking quad nods. You're going to be a fucking assassin. You're going to be an assassin representative. He should have tactical lights and stuff like that. Imagine if he had that abortion vacuum they used, but it was tactical. It had a smoke and a light. He's got a big, big stock on the back. grip the republicans are gonna lose this next election

badly it's double because they're focusing on abortion instead of like the economy and immigration like like focusing on abortion is a surefire way for them to lose like the president was so pro-life that the left is attacking him and saying that he's a liar because they can't attack his positions. All right. They can't even attack the president's positions anymore. So they simply say those aren't his positions right as they come out of his mouth. Wait, the president Biden? President Trump.

Oh, he's the president in this conversation. I think we're all well aware that you refer to someone as president whatever forever but usually not the president like when you refer to the president means the current president not it might not be your president you don't call carter the president i've never heard you call carter the president or obama the president because i hate carter he's from georgia he's a disgrace i haven't seen you call peanut farming the president i haven't seen trump is me and kyle's president get over it jefferson is my president hold on to that yeah right like he he he made all this happen he's the one that set into motion these women who

you know get put into life-threatening situations or people just having unwanted babies. But he's trying to sort of own that legacy while also distancing himself from it. Trump made a statement on it this week, and he said that he believes it's a state. He's not guided by principles. He's guided by self-interest. So Trump's policy currently is the one... He makes his video addresses. I don't know if you've seen them. He just stands and he speaks for three minutes. It's like,

good. These work. I think they do work. They're effective. He's just like, here's where I stand on abortion. He gives you three minutes on abortion, maybe 60 seconds even. A minute of Trump, have you bought my shoes? Have you bought the water? Trump's steaks, They're coming back.

They're coming back. It would be Australian beef or something. You know it would be. Hey, we have good beef. They have the second best beef. That's all you do. Second best. Second best to our beef.

Second best. Have you ever eaten your beef? That's terrible. I eat it all the time. You just have the good stuff. What are y'all doing australia again like my cows right and we're good at it we looked at australia's exports and it was like our favorite movies after our favorite movie stars it became like yeah you guys fell off

after i think it's scrap metal yeah iron ore i think i think it's scrap metal and maybe beef or something i think you do have a lot of cattle there's uh yeah in that desert we do i we have a uh we have a cattle ranch in australia that's bigger than texas it's a singular ranch owned by one family and it's bigger than texas yeah that's so fucking massive texas takes a day to drive through it It's something. That's a big fucking farm, bro. For any Europeans listening, when he says a day to drive through, he means 70 miles per hour

in a straight line. Yeah. I knew it was big, but it was exhausting. Coal and iron ore. Coal briquettes. Alright, that's a lot of good stuff. A little bit of cotton, a little. That's a lot of good stuff. A little bit of cotton, a little bit of... It could be gold.

What's a cold briquette? It's charcoal. It's like what you put in a grill. It's scrap wood that's been burnt up and turned black. Henry Ford invented it, as far as I know. Why is that better? At least he invented the idea of selling it. I think it's compressed as well, like a brick.

Yeah. I just don't understand why partially burning wood makes it burn better than it did like you'd think that the starting place had all the energy and when i burn the wood a little bit and make it coal i've removed some i think you're making the potential easier easier easier i think you're making it combust easier because you've done the hard part and burnt yeah and got the burning last part is only only the last part is easy to ignite and all the fuel like you lost a little not that it has more energy it's just that it's better to use it's wood that burns easily i think henry ford was using the like the ends when you know they're making all those cars the model t or whatever Those were wood cars on the inside. He was like, we've got this huge pile of wood.

He invented charcoal. He started bagging it up and selling the shit. I have another stupid question. What is the coal that comes from the earth made of? Is that just compressed dinosaur goop? Not dinosaurs. Mostly plant life and marine life. I think it's just compressed carbon, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, carbon that came from the compressed marine life and plant life. Yeah, that. That makes sense. So is oil and natural gas. All of that is just byproducts of that, of those great dyings of plant life and marine life over time. I want it to be actual

dinosaur goo, but it's not. It's not. There must be traces of dinosaur goo in there. The scientists told me it wasn't. They had a summit and they said, we gotta come clean about this, guys. It's not burning dinosaurs.

Lightly with that anti-dino shit. I can see it coming. I can smell it. There's one more pro-dino than you. I don't like these dino revisionists coming around saying, they had feathers

and they were little. Fuck you. They were huge and they had scales. Yeah. They were scary. I saw them in Jurassic Park. You're stuck on this

little thing for the velociraptors and it's so, what it is is there was a dinosaur that looked like the raptors in Jurassic Park and behaved like them. But it wasn't called that. There was a different dinosaur that was this small little fucking thing that you'd stomp out if it came at you called a Velociraptor. But it's got a cool fucking name.

So they took that name and they put it... Okay, what's the cool one called then? Let me look that up. I sent it to you the other day in WhatsApp. I'm not going to send it again. I'm not sending you anything. I'm not scrolling past 15 videos of people dying to find where it is. Those videos are the creme de la creme.

Actually, I'm going to scroll past just to see Kanye's wife again. That was worth it. Is that everything on your guys' Twitter lately? i don't know if you spend any time scrolling twitter but my entire twitter now is just dude dying tits dude dying tits and that's like post after post knows you it's crazy i am becoming sexually aroused by chinese men falling into fucking sinkholes and dying i swear it's my brain is gonna get aroused by chinese men falling into fucking sinkholes and dying i swear it's my brain is gonna get aroused by that because there's just it's just tits chinese men dying on live like you just see a lathe accident and then there's some girl saying tits in bio which with a bunch

of weird characters in between the letters exactly and it shows up below posts that have nothing to do with porn or chinese people dying it'll'll be like, here's hockey highlights for today. And someone will be like, what a goal. Reminds me of Gretzky in 87. We shit on Twitter every week. Tits. I can't believe you're on. What's the alternative?

Everybody loves to hate Twitter. What are you looking for? Tell me that. What is the experience that you want when you go to Twitter and start scrolling and you end up seeing? I just want to say tits. Usually it's just... Okay. That's a Reddit suite, right? That's like 80

different subreddits compiled and then press go. Reddit pisses me off though because it's just Reddit. Yeah, it's pretty gay. What don't you like about that? The users. There is not a thing. The users in the comments and their games not it would not

not if you're in porn but the comments are great in porn they'll wreck video games you look at comments in the porn sections yeah because they'll be funny like they make you crack jokes in there it's good man there's no politics porn comments everybody's there with their dick in their hand like nobody all the comments are very short and type left-handed. I was watching a porn video the other day and I've scrolled down to the comments because I always like to check and the top comments on it was like all that work she put in and all he gave

her was two measly poots of cum. Wow. Two measly poots. Yeah, it's so fucking good. me and help out there yeah yeah yeah secure a like at least eight or nine poots have come for that guy there's no way i've got a twitter for for pornography reddit's clearly the no no i don't want to know that's that's what we're saying is bad about it is that like you don't want to see a bunch of random porn on twitter what that's not what you're there for. What are you there for?

Oh, just seeing the most recent, latest news and what's going on. If something happens, Twitter always hits first. If you go on Reddit to find news, you're just seeing a posted Twitter link all the time. Yes, sometimes,

but the beauty of Reddit is it's drawing from the entire internet to this one play. So I feel like if there's a sporting event that I'm out, if I'm driving around and the Bulldogs are playing, that's where I'm getting my score updates. That's where I'm getting reactions and stuff because

some numbers on a scoreboard mean nothing but some comments going, that's a bullshit call. Fucking McDavid's foot was in. They're going to win this on the challenge. It it's like cool i'm getting like a play-by-play with a hundred commentators simultaneously i mean i guess that's the exact same way twitter is with sports but it's so specific that's what i mean with the porn too like like you'll be like oh no i like nipple porn oh that's 800 different fucking like subreddits what kind you like i suppose you're getting the choice and you're being able to yeah yeah for like news and stuff reddit is too curated

for like news and stuff reddit is super curated curated for porn though like kyle are you familiar with do the twist no this is rare that i know a subreddit Kyle doesn't do. The twist is a blow job subreddit that specializes in a particular kind of hand job that coincides with it. And, uh, it's a technique that ladies should learn. Is it the grape?

The grape? Kyle can do the twist. Well, I appreciate it. The pepper shaker. I like you got to play that song. Like, come on.

Oh my God. do the twist well i appreciate it the pepper shaker i like you gotta play that song like come on oh my god are you telling me there's an entire entire fucking subreddit related to that as long as you don't do the mashed potato you're just mashing it now i had this experience i asked my girlfriend if it happened to her in school and she had no idea what I was talking about. But let me lay exactly what this is out, because I don't want you to confuse this with a momentary thing in health class that happened. Everyone in my elementary school would go to the gym occasionally. These are old memories, because elementary school. But we would go to the gym occasionally and assemble in lines and rows,

and then we would dance. We would do the old time he dances like the mashed potato and the twist and the jerk and we would also do line dancing like nickel nickel dime dime quarter we would do like achy breaky heart line you're bringing up some bad memories for me right now did you this happen to you too this happened to me in music class in grade school we'd have to get up and do this like retarded thing. We did the Macarena. We did it.

Man, I buried that. I bet that was a Clinton era. Here's what I'm guessing. I bet that was a Bill Clinton era health class, kind of get out and get fit for the kids. Was that Hillary's initiative, that bitch making me dance like a retard? While he was cramming down quarter pounders,

we were doing the Macarena. I think that's what fucking happened. It would be funny if we make all the kids dance like retards. Jeffrey, do you have any fun dances the kids could do? I had that, but it was earlier.

Reagan shoved that shit down. Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger had these fitness tests. Arnold Schwarzenegger set the standard on how many pull-ups you should be able to do. Stuff like that. That's not fair. That feels kind of rough.

It was 12. It was a doable number, but it was hard. I think points started at like 8. I don't think they do presidential. How many times you can jump rope in 60 seconds that was a thing sit ups that was one yeah yeah do you remember getting the ribbons we're talking about the presidential fitness presidential fitness uh test which i don't think they do anymore if we i think that's a john kennedy thing by the way um so maybe it wasn't a

reagan thing i'm like 99 is john kennedy's a John Kennedy thing because I've seen quotes of his about fat kids and getting kids healthy and stuff. He might be the one who said the worst thing you could see is a fat child. It was something great like that. The most abominable sight in modern democracy is the fat child. See, I would have guessed Nixon for that. Proof positive of our arrogance. There's too many fat kids running around.

I'm making me hungry. Get him, Agnew. He does fuck children. Well, not technically. He's a hippophile. Isn't that what you say, Taylor? Taylor, help us out. This is your area of expertise.

Let's hit with it. Cool. He fucks 17-year-olds. A heebie-jeebie file. There you go. I think you call him the congressman. I don't know who we're talking about right now. What are we doing?

Matt Gaetz, the congressman who fucked the 17-year-old and was moving the prostitution, the girls across state lines. And then there was a big scandal about it. And then when the Speaker of the House thing came up, he screwed over the other guy because that guy had ordered the inquiry about him fucking the 17 year old and now that guy is being very public about that he's like the only reason i'm not speaking the house is because matt yates like 17 year old pussy well the real victim in all of those laws is it's not the 17 year old pussy they got paid jared fogel

we had a guest who assured us that he's the you can't meet ladies of the night they're like 15 year old girls and he's like in these whores our that's the only time i didn't call out a guest because i didn't feel like i knew enough at the time to call him out but i watched a doc who was the guest he was jared vogel's buddy and he did something else like the the fucking uh subway pedophile dude yeah they were boys like after he was our guest and and we kind of didn't like get too pointed with him i watched a documentary called jared fogel and it was like hidden evil or something was the subtitle yeah like something wow something hard like something

like that and i read it and after watching the whole documentary it's like these girls that he was going after don't picture like a pretty girl who's trying to get attention or a girl who's dressing too sexy for her age and is being flirtatious and out there picture mousy slightly overweight girls with not great haircuts who would love some attention especially from oh you're the subway guy i've seen you on tv like like those are the girls that this guy was calling ladies of the night. They took money. It's like it's a settlement for the pedophilia. It was a settlement.

It's in the still. I don't want to be brave. I don't like Jared Fogle or his antics. Not one bit. I was going to do the same joke, but about pedophiles. Just blanket look. Oh, you can ask me anytime. Two thumbs down.

I know I'm stepping outside the norm here, and forgive me. Don't shoot the messenger, but those pedophiles are rascals, and we better... Rascals. Tone it down. We're going to get you baptized. Do you reckon The Rock knows where to stand on them, or do you reckon he has to ask his pr time that'd be funny like whoa oh i don't want to have an opinion on

them like i'm just i'm stepping i'm stepping back sandwiches yeah i like black adam i think i'm the only one oh jesus i don't know who black adam is there's a movie rock started he was black adam the superhero movie you wouldn't like it i I would not like it. The Rock came in with his ego and crashed a whole fucking like... The household name that is Black Adam? No. Shazam. No. The fun, quirky

DC movie that they made called Shazam, where once it's not a super serious thing, basically a child gets superpowers and when he does the thing, he becomes like a giant muscular Superman looking man. But he behaves like a child would actually behave if they got such powers. And it's a fun little quirky movie. But he exists like kind of coincides and interacts a lot with this Black Adam characters.

The Rock comes in and makes this Black Adam character that's just so unlikable and dark and douchey. It's like, why do we like this guy? It's my understanding that Black Adam in the comic books is sort of dark and douchey and doesn't speak much. But what The Rock is good at is like Jumanji type stuff. Big smiles, muscles, charisma. What's Moana? Is that the cartoon he did? Yeah. That's the sort of thing that Rock does really well.

So he was kind of miscast for black adam he's the lovable giant like like i don't even want to see him beat people up anymore have you guys seen red red notice i've never heard of it i haven't heard of that yeah it's a it's a i think it's a net one and it's just uh the the rock and uh fucking uh uh no who's not not kevin hart this time um the guy that played um uh deadpool uh ryan reynolds and so the whole the whole movie is just like the rock and ryan reynolds hanging out like they i don't i don't even remember the names of their characters i don't know if their characters had like had any specific personality it's literally just an hour

and a half of the rock and Ryan Reynolds hanging out. I was like, look, on the outset, you could look at that and be like, that's a really shit movie, but they're two likable dudes. Everyone loved them at the time. I would watch The Rock and Ryan Reynolds just go and get ice cream, man. That's entertaining.

That's good enough for me. You didn't need the set. When I say good movie, I always have different criteria. I watched The Godfather this week. That is a great movie for a lot of reasons. It's a classic. Everything about it is like a five out of five for me. All the ways that you judge a movie.

It's a long, but I feel like it needs to be. It's a big fucking story. Something like Gladiator. That kind of movie yeah or or then i'll like but then i'll switch over and watch some 90 minute um horror movie that's about thanksgiving yeah thanksgiving like stab him up movie and it's like you know what also a good movie yeah like for none of the same reasons that the godfather is a good reason yeah it's just a fun little ride to go along and like it's this guy's so quirky he's killing everybody thanksgiving style like he bakes a lady like

a turkey you know i enjoy i enjoy shit movies i i like shit movies especially to me is the greatest shit movie of all time the greatest so bad it's good yeah movie of all time is samurai especially if you if you're high while watching it um it's a good movie of all time. It's Samurai. Especially if you're high while watching it. It's a prerequisite. Have you ever watched Indian Bollywood action films? No.

You lose me there. Trust me. Get high and watch Bollywood action films. I've seen it. You'll have the best fucking time of your life. What's a good one? Do they rip off American Bollywood? there's one called n theron yeah there's one called n theron that's like the matrix and it's fucking insane and uh and then there's one called uh bahubali which is like bollywood lord of the rigs watch that high it's it's the the special effects none of this is real in reality you are chained up in a call center

making return calls about microsoft accounts it's it's fucking awesome to watch hi you would love it let me give you i'm gonna send you guys a video that we obviously can't play oh i think you've shown me that like the audio is even off in samurai cop we're like oh no i'm sending you a bollywood thing an example of why the bollywood stuff is i think the bollywood stuff is better in gif form like look at this one scene because there's a take on cgi is absurd like they don't care about the rules of reality or or gravity or like that human bodies are made of flesh and bone or how anything works really. They go to another universe when their CGI

happens. So people will get catapulted into cities and stuff and they'll be spinning and shooting as they go. All sorts of nonsense. That stuff's funny. Yeah, well I mean this guy's pretty badass. Is he Indian 007? Probably. I have no fucking idea i don't i don't like that shit yeah this one uh this one's the n-theorem one it's a indian

terminator slash matrix fucking hilarious to watch hi you would love it the special effects are so retarded it's awesome all right i'll watch a few boollywood movies, I guess. You do not watch a Bollywood movie before you watch Terminator 2, you scum. This is just something we're trying to get you there. You would not watch a foreign language joke of a movie before you watch a fucking

American classic. It is an American classic. I'm agreeing with you. You would never watch this if you weren't extremely high. But if you are, you would enjoy it. Because it's just so absurd. If you do watch Terminator 2, Taylor, don't tell us.

Oh, he'll be able to shut up about it. He'll show up wearing the leather jacket. He'll become a Termi fan. He'll be all about it. Alright, so, they are coming, and wearing the leather jacket. He'll become a Termi fan. He'll be all about it. All right. They're coming. And we've got to give them a movie and they're going to believe that movie's real and is representative

of our race. Like what movie do you... Independence Day. Oh, yeah. They'll be like, change the operating system immediately and double the guard on the on the on that one gate that lets people blow up the mothership but actually technology for technology they've never seen i knew we'd run our spaceship on this

give them give them one punch man so they believe there's a guy that just kill anyone in one punch mmm believe it yeah perhaps oh perhaps Superman they're like bring us a bring us the the tale of your people like bring us one of your stories one of your true stories one of your historical archives I want to see our historical archives

galaxy quest we have studied your historical archives yeah I'm sitting up to you too baby Galaxy Quest. We have studied your historical archives. What's that? It's Galaxy Quest. I'm sending up T2, baby. I'm letting them know that Arnold is still kicking.

What about T1? You're not going to send them both? No. Why would I send them T1? You would know if you'd seen T2. You haven't seen Terminator 2. He refuses. It's almost a running joke. What the fuck is wrong with you? That is upsetting to me. That's so upsetting.

I'll get around to it. He's inspecting the blood of our population. Log off right now. Go and watch it. How long is Terminator 2? Like an hour and 40? Two hours. If you go and watch that right now

you can come back at the end of the podcast get out of here you it would be so fucking funny if I left watch Terminator 2 and came back for the last 15 minutes watch it with the volume on right now but mute us

tell us how good you think it is holy shit he's the good guy the joke would be like the joke would be you go watch it and then come back and be like yeah it sucked it was fucking gay I think it might actually damage mine and Kyle's friendship if I came back and was like that movie sucked I don't even think that

you i don't even think for the joke you could possibly do that because it's that good really good it's really i've never heard like getting like getting sucked off by sydney sweeney and then saying oh that sucked yeah you wouldn't be able to give a toothy blow job we can't say for sure but i know that that arnold is going to come through it would never matter man she can use sandpaper and 10 out of 10 guys would fucking love it there as long as it's like a maybe a fine grit 1200 polish that no it's so fucking attractive i don't understand like like i watch after watching that dune movie zendaya just sort of like frowns for for three hours and 45 minutes or some shit and and i'm just i don't find her to be attractive in the slightest i do when i see an award show i saw her in white face today zach can you find zendaya in white face that it's gonna be hard to

look attractive while wearing rags though tell that to tell that to timothy chalamet because he was looking fucking fine all right like i'll tell you what chalamet because he was looking fucking fine. All right? I'll tell you what. Chalamet is a good-looking man. He can get it. His hair was nice. He's living in the desert where you know they can't wash their hair, and that shit is pristine. Meanwhile, Zendaya literally needs to put something on her head.

That's the one thing he took from Arrokane. He jumps in his ornithopter and his dad's like, take me! And he's like, oh no, I've got this massive barrel of seafoam hairspray. And he's like... Middle East. It does look like she's looking at a flashlight. This isn't it. She's on a runway

and she's got white face on. It looks like that Japanese thing where they put the white... It's that. Oh, I don't like that. Like Kabuki Maga. Appropriating your culture. It looks like that Japanese thing where they put the white. It's that. Oh, I don't like that. My culture is not about that. Kabuki manga. Okay, thank you. Appropriating your culture.

Appropriating Missouri. Appropriating my white skin. I'm pretty sure she lived that culture, right? Isn't she half black and half white probably? I don't know. I saw the pictures of her grimacing during Dune 2, and I was like, well, there's no way all she does is fucking grimace the whole time

she doesn't do it for me to be honest I like her when she's at her best like on a runway or whatever she cleans up really well but she also like seems to relish in this idea that she doesn't need makeup and just rolls

out of bed and there's a lot of shots like that where she's just okay. Oh. Yeah, I mean, she's not as hot as Sidney Sweeney. Is that Sidney Sweeney? No, that's Zendaya. Is that Zendaya from a much better angle? Yeah, she looks great there.

Wow, when you make her hair that tall, her face doesn't look so wide and pudgy, does it? You also have to go from this angle, though, I suppose. She looks like a fucking conehead. you bounce a bunch of light off her and make the background look fuzzy with her arm there and her face doesn't look like it's this fucking wide anymore it dude it's a still shot and you know it's been photoshopped and like there's fucking some dude off camera with one of those reflective discs i don't trust it's true everyone can look good in that.

I think she's very attractive, but I just don't think she's a sex symbol, which is what it feels like to me by the way I notice the internet reacting to her. Who's the Hollywood it girl for you right now? Sidney Sweeney. Kanye's wife.

Sidney Sweeney's got the most buzz. I do see her a lot. She's the hottest. Then again, I'm not really plugged in. I don't know many other female celebrities who are in the hotness run right now. Maybe because it's like

Sidney Sweeney is running a dynasty. He's the 2010 through 2015 Chicago Blackhawks right now. Running the board with everybody so yeah good for her star too old for leo yeah 25 now yeah i saw that damn shame who's this yeah i bet he'd make an exception for her i think maybe i don't know maybe he's a man of principle i bet he's got a rule you know. Maybe he's a man of principle. I bet he's got a rule.

You think so? He looks like a man of principle to me. Is he going to hang on to that rule? I feel like 26-year-olds are going to start looking attracted to him. Every single woman he dates has to have a watch with a bomb-style countdown. I can get one more fucking! Just stop soundbite. Sorry, you don't get to count. Midnight on your 20th birthday, I'll call you an Uber. Get one more fucking. Just stops halfway through. Sorry, you don't get to count.

Midnight on your 25th birthday, I'll call you an Uber. And that'll be the last you see of me. That's what he does seem to do. I appreciate that. That's the one thing that I see like being, it's this weird culture shift where any sort of age gap seems to be predatory and i think that it is coming from women who are finding themselves to be age aging out of the dating market and so and so suddenly the same chick the same chicks who wouldn't who were when when we were 18 wouldn't date us

because like an 18 year old doesn't want to date an 18 year old if you're a girl 18 year old guys want 18 year old girls 18 year old girls do not want 18 year old guys yeah but suddenly but the inverse becomes true on the opposite side where let's just say 40 year old men don't want 40 year old women but a 40 year old woman would be just fine with one um and then and they're like oh what do you mean you're dating a 25 year old? That's a 10 year age gap. You're a pedophile. And it's like, she's a 25 year old woman with a PhD. Like, what are you talking about?

Yeah, I think that's another one of those like hyper online things like in the real world. Like no one is looking or at least no sane people are looking at like a 35 year old guy dating a 25 year old girl i mean oh my goodness if they're like 80 and she's like 18 then it's like okay but i know and they're like the daughter of a family friend and they've known each other for five like 10 years then it's like okay that's a bit weird but it's like well it's different if it's like oh he was hurt if it's like, oh, he was her baby. If it's like that French president situation, that shit's fucking weird. Where it's like, oh, she knew him when he was a wee lad.

He was his wet nurse. And then it's like, whatever the fuck was. Macron, the president of France, he divorced. He's married to like... What would she... Rich aristocracy in fucking France have all sorts of servants.

She was one of them. She did something for them. Like she worked for the family or something. She was in a position of like tutelage or power over him as a child. And now they're married. And it's ridiculous. She was like his babysitter or some shit? Something like that.

I don't remember exactly. It's from the Phantom Babysitter. Do you reckon she still breastfeeds him? I hope so. I hope so. I reckon. Milky mommy forever. Let's go.

There's no way she's got any milk left in those. No, she's all dried up. She just never stops. She's an old lady. Women only dry up if you stop sucking on their titties. Well, maybe Macron is. Yeah, that's Farmer Johnson. Farmer Johnson. Farmer Johnson.

You want to suck it on them hard enough. Man, he got the blight. Just don't quit. Yeah, that guy's creepy, but he does seem to have a hard-on for this Russia thing. I keep saying it, but every week he says something more hard.

He's like, hey, I met you in some Ukraine, I don't know. I don't know if I was France. The last couple have gone pretty shit for France. If I was France, I'd be like, hey, we've got to fucking do something. They're eager to make up for

their record in two because World War II was like, that was a 4-0 sweep in a seven game they got posterized they got posterized posterized they're that guy with jordan's junk in their in their ear yeah they are yeah but it's hitler's joke yeah yeah now i would be i would be worried if i was larry bird coming in if i was if i was poland or france I'd be like, this is coming. You don't want that again. I went to Wikipedia to look at France's military history. I tried to scroll to the bottom like a UFC fighter,

look for the grid, like the wind loss is out there. It's all in paragraph form. Wait, you're telling me war is more complex? I just want to W's and L's, maybe judge the words. I don't know. I'm sure that exists somewhere I would imagine they got a very high win rate They were fucking warmongers back in the day

They have a wildly impressive military history It's just like When you lose in the finals Most recently Hang on a minute That's like saying the Bulls have a great championship Pedigree But we're just talking about the Jordan era. It's almost not

fair to say that it was great because they had Napoleon, the greatest military leader of all time, just ran the shot over Europe. He still lost. Well, he lost twice. But see, he's like the GSP of fucking

of emperors right he lost once or twice his losses were massive though like he tried to invade Russia and like losing half of the fucking army in the winter that's a big fucking loss man you know how big that army was that was like an

800,000 man army they got down to 50,000. That's a lot of fucking loss. Russia's not a place you want to go in winter. Seems like war goes badly when you're like, hey, let's go into this pundra wasteland that's freezing and fight in

fucking January. Have you ever heard the story of Napoleon apparently had a cavalry a cavalry uh assault on ships so like there was like a frozen a frozen like uh lake or something and uh and a navy was stuck inside the frozen lake and it's the only recorded uh time in history where they cavalry charge ships can you imagine being the sailor who was like waking up the emptiest piss bucket and a fucking mounted frenchman comes charging by and hits you with a fucking lance

it was it was the dutch and the dutch have used their influence to bury that because you can't come back from losing a naval battle to guys on horseback no you can't that's what would i ride the seahorses like that's you got you got conquered by a fucking aquaman you fucking stupid dutch cunts well let's see let's see what happened here the capture of the dutch fleet at dan helden on the night of january 23rd 1795 presents a rare occurrence of an interaction between warships and cavalry in which a french revolutionary Hussar regiment came close to a Dutch fleet frozen at anchor at New Edip, just east of the town of Danhelder. After some of the Hussars

had approached across the frozen New Edip, the French cavalry negotiated that all 14 Dutch warships would remain at anchor. The capture of ship by horsemen is an extremely rare feat in military history. No shit. It feels like a one-off, you know?

We call it extremely rare, but I feel like that's got to be a one-off. And you can't even go down like Master and Commander style gloriously. Yeah. You're looking down at the people you're surrendering to as they neigh. That would be so embarrassing. Well, good for the French go do the the ads

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lady father's day you want to have a stepdad i don't remember to have a stepdad they're gonna call him daddy just like your wife will all right my dad's on the out he shaved his beard so i've definitely got two moms at the moment so i feel like i feel like i'm gonna have to uh yeah i'm getting some lock and load for father's day grandfathered in australian law we now decree any man without a beard he's a woman there's an australian band called uh the beards and all they write is beard related songs and they they're they had one song called, if your dad doesn't have a beard, you've got two moms.

And it went really big in Australia for a long time. And it's great. It's definitely true. If you don't have a beard. If I wasn't American, I'd want to be Australian. I can't believe that didn't make its way over to our shores. Yeah. It's just beardless Americans.

Yeah. It'll follow Mel Gibson right along. You guys got to both grow it out. Dude, great beards are not good looking. Yes, they are. I think you guys are all crazy. No. You're in beard denial.

You've grown your beard out a bit before when Jackie's out of town. And every time, Kyle and I, in sincerity, are like, wear it. You like mean beards. Here's what you need to do, too. You need to do the Omni-Man shit. Or like, Omni-Man's the nice version. I'm listening i want is hollywood hulk hogan though zach will you show me hollywood hulk hogan real quick can you throw up a little image you think it'd look really good with a uh with a beard would it just uh like not a huge beard like a neat one my beard comes in

very gray it's it's whiter than you might guess because i don't have much white i have a little white hair under my um earmuffs or earphones. But mostly I don't have white hair, but my beard grows in pretty gray. I get a lot of gray around the sides, but mine's starting to go fairly salt and pepper as well. Let's go. Let's go.

That's a mean beard, though. That's not a mean beard. That's hard as fuck. Let's get a Jon Stewart picture, Zach. This is how my beard actually grows in. Yeah. See, that's younger me, but you can already see where the gray is leading the charge.

I don't even have gray over my ears. You wait two more weeks after that point, you're gonna be in primo beard land. Could you do some mutton chops for me? Just once. Just grow mutton shops for me what he just wants just grow mutton shops for me uh i want you to look like uh lemmy from motorhead oh that's a good looking john stewart that's him at his best i don't know show me rick from walking dead when he's got that beard don't you get the gray in like the the lower section too so that like naturally shapes it yeah i feel like

it's mostly gray now i i'll take a look next time yeah i felt like it was sort of you know mixed in everywhere every year i think you can pull off mountain shops i think you'd look fantastic yeah that's the beard see that's a bit that's a bit wild like you gotta have a certain look for the to pull that off it is that's like that's longer than i would ever want it grown out because it's uncomfortable right there this is rick at his highest power level in my opinion this is this is what i have got to alexandria yeah you have a long beard i i get i have a i have a wild like a bushman beard but that kind but that kind of suits my style. Woody's got a more clean cut than me.

So, look, if you took his, like, his neater haircut and his sort of neater aesthetic and then put a bushman beard on him, it'd just look like he was down on his luck. Yeah. You don't want that. I don't know. It works for you, though, Slash. Yeah, but it's my whole

aesthetic i just look like a piece of shit all the time i'm happy you know i like to keep it mine's too long right now i need to chop it down a little bit your own hair on a live stream mine's getting there full cue ball and i will donate i shaved mine on uh on live stream the other day i'm still worried i'm going bald there's two dollars it doesn't look like you're going bald yeah i shaved mine the other day uh let me see the top you going bald let me see it's a little bit thinner up there but for for a 35-year-old man, I think I'm doing okay. But it's so short, it's thinner, or if that's just the way it's cut. It looks like it's a cowlick more than anything.

Yeah, it's more like a cowlick, but it's a little bit thinner through the cowlick, but I think I'm doing all right. I think I'm definitely going to make it to 60, I think, without it. You could guarantee it with a little, is it finasteride? What is the drug? It is. Yeah. Yeah. Would you be a bald slush would you be a hat guy or uh just i have a theory that hat guys uh the so like you know that like a hat guy is usually

a hat guy before he's bald and i have a theory that wearing a hat all the time actually makes you go bald quicker i think so too but it rubs it aside yeah i think i think that if if as they evolve into a hat guy they accelerate the process i think yeah i see the body gets up and down yeah yeah they're just like oh we don't need that anymore you know i see the hat guy the hat guy pisses me off i uh i remember one of my friends dating a guy and he was a hat guy because he was bald, obviously. He would have been about 30 at this stage, and he was fairly bald. We went out to dinner to a nice restaurant,

and the dude doesn't take off his baseball cap. That's fucking weird. Oh, well, that's rude. Yeah, you've got to take your hat off. You've got to take your hat off. This is a nice restaurant. You don't oh well that's rude yeah you gotta take your hat you gotta take your hat off this is a nice restaurant you don't go walk in there like we're wearing like we're wearing like like almost suits like sports jackets and and stuff like that like not full suited up but he walks in wearing a sports jacket with like slacks on and he's got a baseball cap on it

i'm weird man i don't want to see that guy because he looks fucking weird you know if a guy wears a hat because you feel like it improves his look because he's balding i'm okay with it but if a guy won't be seen with the hat off that feels like a weakness and i'm not impressed by that guy i was teaching a guy how to fly a paramotor and he was a hat guy but i swear when he switched to a helmet it was like he'd get the helmet and the hat and it was like the indiana jones scene where he's across the skull for the for the sandbag and we were just like quickly switch it over so nobody saw him and he would like hide behind the golf cart to like make the change oh yeah i have a plan if i go bald i'm gonna become a gold tooth guy no one will even notice that i'm involved because i have

i have considered gold tooth before i've talked to my wife about it she's on board i think i'm gonna go gold i'm in grill baby not a full diamond grill i'm thinking just one just one gold tooth i think i as as i said the the the scumbag look I'm leaning into it. I just go gold tooth. I think you look pretty tight. The beard, the glasses, and there's just a gold glint. You know what would make it better? Peg leg. A peg leg, yes, exactly.

He's not going pirate mode. Jesus Christ. Don't put restrictions on who he can be. The gold tooth would suit me, though, because I you know, I'm a rough-looking man. I'm covered in tattoos. Like, you know, that's the vibe of that look. The gold tooth, I think, would suit me. I think the move is to get a job that requires the hat.

So you become a green beret, you start losing your hair, and you're solid. You're a construction worker. You're always prepared for falling objects. You're like, honey, you're at home. You're still wearing that yellow fucking hard hat. You know me. I keep working at work. You're dressed in uniform all the time.

Everyone calls you the captain. This is good. You see this? I'm sure you've seen the UFC 300 card. It's absolutely astounding. I think it's a very good card. Okay. I'm super jazzed for this i know everybody on the the main card the prelims and the early prelims i

know at least one of the guys who's fighting like i might not know both of them but like all the way to like the very first fight of the night is uh davison figuero versus cody garbrandt like that's the early prelim like jerking the curtain first thing of the night. The second fight of the night is Bobby Green versus Jim Miller. Jim Miller has fought at UFC 100, 200, and now 300. He's on a win streak. He's on like a 4-5 fight win streak or something like that. They've tried to feed him to young and up-and-comers twice,

and he beat them both. So now they're letting him go against Bobby Green green who's just a real fun fighter to watch and an older guy himself um barely in the top 15 jessica andrage i hate jessica did you mention that he won it 100 and 200 i didn't mention that i didn't know it but but i mean that's great he actually showed up at like a press event with his ufc 100 jacket that's been in the closet for 15 years. That's insane. And Holly Holm, I forgot she existed. How?

She fights every three months on a fight night card. Man, I thought she just beat the piss out of that other chick and then everyone forgot about fucking women's UFC. Holly Holm gets rolled out. I don't know how. She is very active. She's always fighting. She's always one fight away from the belt. Literally.

Because those divisions are so fucking shallow. All the way up the thing, Aljamain Sterling is fighting Calvin Cater. In the prelims, Yuri Prohaska is fighting somebody I don't know. Some scary man from Serbia. He's the number two heavyweight.

Versus five. Again, on the prelims. Bo Nickel is one I'm very excited about. I thought I saw him on the prelims, but on the website right now, he's not in the prelims, so I don't know what to say. Yeah, he's the main card, which is huge for him. They're making sure they don't break their toy

before it's ready to roll. I don't know who the fuck... Oh, it's Cody Brundage? Okay. Well, you know, Bo Nen is going to stomp him, but still. I remember having a look at this when 299 was on, and the card was definitely not this deep. He's been building as they went.

Interesting, this came out today. I wasn't pumped at all. And now I'm seeing it, I'm like, this is going to be good. Holloway versus Gaethje. As Max Holloway pointed out today, he's like, hey, I'm looking around and I'm seeing all the promotions for UFC 300. Seems to be Max Holloway is fighting Justin Gaethje. You don't seem to be too worried about the Perea fight.

You're not pumping that. You're not pumping the Chinese fight. You're not pumping that. You're pumping my fight. chinese fight you're not pumping that you're pumping my fight it feels like i'm the headline of this fight so uh hunter you need to talk to my people we need to get this money right because it's not looking it's looking a little uh not so good and it's like they fight saturday don't they i saw that too there was no conclusion i didn't think it's a little there what i'm sure there's somebody scrambling right now negotiating. I did see... A little too late to start altering the contract three days before it's on.

That might be the time. You have seen negotiates well. I feel like if I was negotiating with Dana White, I would walk away with no money and a good lesson. Unless you wait to the last minute where you can't be replaced, where they've made all the promotions already they've they've put they've spent all the money they sold all the shirts your name's on nah there would be there'd be there'd be walk away contract like uh ramifications like if he's just like i'm not gonna fight he's not injured i'd be like okay well then

we're gonna ass rape you like they can't do anything to him i don't think they can do anything to him surely they can they will have ideas right he never fought again we're gonna give you the hardest up and coming no name um they have to offer danny's for the rest of your career he's max holloway you don't go fuck that's what he that's i mean he's he's fighting justin gaethje okay do you know any dagestani scarier than justin gaethje other than islam akachab the champion to me a lot of the dagestanis are on gaethje's scary level no nobody gets harder than justin gaethje at that weight class it's scary i heard more than one way to be scary go back and watch that ferguson fight and listen to him people don't know that fight was during covid and there was no crowd so you would just hear the punches it's like a car hitting a caucus he was tapping that man's face with with these huge his own coach was like dude chill you're. You're going to kill him. He's trying to kill him.

Take something off the budget. Yeah, he's like, you're hitting him at 100%. Yeah. You're down to 70. Something close to that. Yeah, this is obviously the premier card of the year. It's one of the biggest cards ever. To me, it's frankly lacking.

I mean, look, they brought out a lot of names I know, and I get that I think 10% of the champions ever are fighting or something like that. You know what I mean? It's crazy the pedigree that these fighters have, but it is lacking that real name. I didn't even mention Pereira. Look, it's cool that he's fighting.

I don't think he deserves to be fighting for the belt it's kind of a weird fight Pereira seems to be this weird actual mythical fighter who could just go into a weight class and karate chop the guy you thought was the goat at will but some of the biggest draws

John Jones comes to mind Conor McGregor comes to mind anyone else that is really big i mean sugar sean i guess he's trying to get that big i don't know if he is but you might argue is one of those like names people come to watch yeah none of them are there uh conor mcgregor the other day talking about finding the uh paul brothers he's uh he's like i they just uh they call it a nixer in Ireland. It's where you go and just do like a cash job on the weekend

for one of your mates. He's like, yeah, it's not that serious. I mean, if one of them offers me, I'll just go and kick the shit out of him. And then, yeah, it is what it is. I'd like to see that. Because, okay, let's all agree that Conor McGregor is a really skilled striker. But those Paul brothers are gigantic and weight classes exist for a reason so it yeah conor had fought a long time um i feel like lately he's not fighting because the ufc is like saving him for some sort of thing plan that they

have they're trying to find the right spot to put him in and he seems really restless and angry about that um the real thing i mean it's right i should have done something with him it's right i can't tell what the truth is because he was filming Roadhouse for a while and he was promoting Roadhouse. Not long enough. And when I watch Connor promote Roadhouse, he is clearly on drugs. He is struggling with

substance abuse right now. He didn't look well. I haven't watched that yet. I hear it's a good laugh. I plan to. I saw all the highlights on YouTube. I want to see the talking and I want to see him try to act. And I heard he was better than you might guess. Yeah.

Yeah. Apparently, apparently has a few really quite a little funny lines. Uh, it's a, but it made his Irish. I mean, anything Irish counts.

So you can just quite, cause they, they sound hilarious. So Taylor, the greatest fighter of all time had a little trouble this week. George St. Pierre. John Jones. No, Taylor's right.

I tried hard to like... No, you did fine. I was hoping when I said that you were going to be like, wow! So the UFC hired these new drug testers, and one thing they've always done with the previous system and with the new one is they'll pop in on you wherever you are. They'll show up on conor mcgregor's yacht they'll like sail out to

him and be like ahoy they're gonna need some piss and blood matey and they come aboard and they take it um so they show up at john jones house at the crack of 4 p.m dude all right literally the crack of 4 p.m all right you know and he as you can imagine very upset about that and there's a little he said she's right in the middle of second lunch right in the middle of his second lunch there's a little bit of a he said she said here she says that john jones was like you people are fucking stupid showing up here like this don't you know people show up at my house like that they end up dead and then he takes his fucking phone away he's like maybe and he puts in his pocket maybe hangs on to a minute

and then i guess he gave him their sample eventually when he was good and ready and then she went and like filed a police report so now he has a summit so he's got to show up in court um to answer for these these um supposed alleged charges interestingly enough the judge what telling her that threatening stealing her phone uh i don't know what the charges are but i know that um he i know part of his defense is going to be the security cam video outside where he like high fives her and kind of has a jokey see you next time kind of interaction with her on the outside. And it's like, that doesn't look good.

But she's going to be like, I was afraid for my life. I felt like if I didn't dap up John Jones, he was going to snap me. Like, maybe that's her side of things. I don't know. He seems like a real rapscallion. Dude, he's the best. He's the fucking best. Do you think you should have done more?

To shut down what dropped uh drug testing agent i think he did enough like you don't want to hit a woman like who's who's not your wife if you're john jones um but right wives only why would you hit his wife it's like hey it's like your own car it's your wife why the fuck would you do that it doesn't make any sense that's true i like no it's like correcting your dog, but not Woody's dog. I would never slap Woody's dog and correct it if it stepped out of line. That's for Woody to do. It's his possession.

It's his property. You've both made strong arguments. I feel like hitting other people's kids should be- I've got an Arizona territorial law that'll back up anything I say. I feel like hitting other people's kids should be allowed, because see a lot of kids my friends have that are really poorly behaved and they don't hit them i feel like they should be hit more often i should be able to step in on that yeah you should be able to give them a little thump in the forehead yeah even just like fucking just a backhand slap like i'm not gonna not going to punch him. Sure, sure. I mean, it takes a village to raise a child, right?

Exactly. A village of violent men. To raise a terrified child. To terrify his children. So is Jon Jones... Your kid's Woody? No, I didn't. my wife would give him the soap and she has regrets about that level of corporal punishment but um i think she was right

there was a time dude i've told this story like four times um my daughter hope was maybe eight or something like that ten i don't. And she was yelling at my wife, just yelling like in your face, screaming, no holding back. And Jackie's like, you're going to get the soap. This is something she threatened,

but never followed through on her whole life up to this point. And I love this. So hope is undeterred. She knows this is a baseless threat, right? This isn't going anywhere. She's screaming at Jackie. They're in the downstairs half bath.

Jackie has this liquid soap. She puts it on her hand. She's like, you're going to get the soap if you keep it up. Hope is inches from her face. She's screaming. I don't know what. Like a ninja, Jackie comes in. Coats her tongue with liquid soap hope keeps yelling she blows

bubbles if jackie were here she'd be like yeah that was a parenting mistake but i don't agree i think she was right on the money i think that was necessary i had many beatings as a child i felt you could set a clock by how often I got spanked as a kid. My dad got my brother with a really good one once. He's like, my twin brother kept saying shit, and he's like, don't say that word. He's like, why not? It's just shit. He's like, if you do that, I'll put shit in your mouth.

And he's like, shit, shit, shit, like saying it. We're pretty young. He's probably about eight years old as well. And my dad got up and left the room and we were just like, oh, he's not going to pee or something like that. And he comes back and he has this like brown on his hand and it looks like shit. And he comes in and he just like grabs the back of his head

and just like smears it all in his mouth. And my brother freaked the fuck out. But it turned out to be Nutella. But my brother freaked the fuck out, but it was, it turned out to be Nutella, but my brother freaked because he told him it was going to be shit. It looks like fucking shit. His face is covered in shit. He didn't swear. He's got Nutella over his face.

He's like, Oh, fiddlesticks. It was very funny. Yeah. He got him. I love it. Yeah. I don't know if you should beat children or not though it's hard to say um i think it depends on the child some kids just seem so shitty you know they piss you off you gotta take that rage out somewhere it depends on the kid i think and

the parent like so you guys are like what did you ever kids no but like i swear i could just be disappointed i could bring them to tears if I ever wanted to. I didn't need to hit them to get their full attention. Some kids will respond like that, and some kids they don't respond unless you get physical. I wasn't scared.

Kyle might have needed a little ruler on his bottom or something. A ruler? A fucking belt. It depends who... My mom was too weak to really corral me, so she had

more of an attack that she would do. Oh, I don't know. You know, I don't know. 5 to 20, somewhere in there. 20? You're still going to hit my mom with 20? No, 5 to 20, somewhere in there. 20? I would have guessed that. You're still going to hit probably a mom at 20.

No, probably to like 12, 13 or something. I remember the last time she whipped my ass. She tackled me to the ground and beat me up. And yeah, I was like maybe 12, and it was ridiculous. And after that, I decided I wasn't going to let that happen again. I was going to get a low base and keep her at range. Center of gravity.

Jab, jab, jab. Work on your spicing. Jabbing and circling. There's this family lore in the Woodworth household of my father. He used to get hit by his mom all the time. And when my dad was like 12 or so, he held both his mom's wrists,

my grandmother, and said, listen, the you hitting me days are over. We're going to have to start talking things out. And it worked. And then my brother, knowing that story, inspired by it, that same thing happened, held my mom's wrists. Hey, the you hitting me days are over you know we're gonna have to start talking going forward and it happened so woody who didn't hear puberty until he was 33 held his mother's wrists and i'm like hey the you hitting me days is over and she's like what unleashed a combo began left right left right so began the worst beating of my life oh that's that's so funny my mom would attack me so she'd be swinging a belt or a clothes hanger or something like that maybe throwing that if i like sparked it off like we'd go back and forth

and i'd really punctuate something with a mean word or something and she'd fling a shoe at me or something but it was usually a full-on because i would run from her um but dad would either capture me or he'd be like get over here and i'm like yeah it's just like he's so fucking scary that's so funny you're true you're right when dad yelled it was like i would get a sinking feeling in my stomach like oh no i know what's coming i shot the window out of his truck one time i was like four or five and he starts chasing me and i yeah and i start running and he was working on the truck bb gun and uh shoot shoot the side window out and he chased me and they had a water bed and it had this crawl space and like back behind it and i got under there and he was like reading soap like something out of Lord of the Rings

like trying to pull me out of there and I'm back you know I'm four or five I'm like down in this little crevice I don't remember I don't think he I don't think I got a whipping for that I think he like cooled off enough while I was in there to be like, why the fuck did I give a four-year-old a piece of paper?

He's like, you know what? Part of this is on me. Explain that. How did you shoot at a truck window? Were you shooting at the truck window? I shot it, yeah. I remember distinctly, I was standing

in the front yard. We had a big sand box. We had a big oval-shaped sandbox that we'd play in, a big oak tree in it. Then on the other side of that, our yard was asphalt with a big circle drive. He was working under the hood of his truck over

there. I was standing over here and I looked and saw his... I just shot the window out on purpose right next to him while he was working on it 100 on purpose bad decision making four-year-old you know you know it's just like like you're not even thinking you just do it i didn't know it would have broken how could i mean that was probably part of it i probably shot it before or something like what's the subreddit called oh no consequences yeah something like that yeah yeah and then i hit my uh my half sister i cracked her skull open one time when i was also like four or five yeah i was literally a broken skull uh no split the skin open on her head

requiring stitches i hit her in the head one of those old-timey like uh carpenters levels the ones that are wooden with steel corners and stuff like that not that like plastic shit that everybody sells now big heavy fucker i hit her right in the top of the head like me swing over overhand with both hands what's the age difference again she has a few i was like four and she was probably 14 probably something like that like maybe 12 maybe 4 and 12 that sounds closer one of my pretty big gap yeah in college one of my swim teammates had his skull cracked open uh one of our friends was like a really large like black eye with dreadlocks and the swimmer thought it would be funny in a dorm room it's a steel door it's like an external door even though it's a dorm room like a hotel anyway he thought it'd be

funny to crack the door open and go hello like like he didn't know who was outside and the guy who was outside thought it would be funny to kick the door open like a policeman and have it swing these were not coordinated jokes yeah so his head was like two inches from the door and when he kicked it he cracked his skull and i saw the x-rays it was literally a broken skull and bad headaches for a while how are his grades they were never good but uh well they went for bad and stayed right there didn't negatively impact him yeah i accidentally greenhouse like i didn't break my brother's skull but i did hit we were having a pillow fight and i hit him i like i borderline took him off his feet with a

pillow swing it was such a heavy swing at him and it knocked him right into a fireplace and he needed a bunch of stitches up here and i remember like we were at we were at a friend's house too and so like there was blood running down his face and he was like because he was freaking out oh i was already in my head like all right how do we how do we frame this for dad like because how do we make this more palatable for only a year and a half or so apart my that brother and i and so it wasn't like a wild amount of bullying it was just i've said it before like i was very large for my age and he was not yeah correct my other sister too like when i was when i was when i was like five i was out in the the sandbox i mentioned i had a hoe and i was your sister yeah yeah

i had a garden implement and I was digging in the sand and every time I dig and remove a little sand, she would lean into the hole and add some with her plastic shovel, which is infuriating four or five-year-old me to no end. I gave her a couple of warnings

and then somehow she got hit in the head with the hoe. Who's to say? Who's to say? Who's to say? Cracked her eyebrow open, like cut her open there. Got my sandcastle made. Let's just say that. Does she have a permanent scar?

The eyebrow covers it. Okay, okay. It adds character. It adds character. We mostly had a rule about like, I guess it mostly came down to me because i was the biggest in the oldest but like i never used weapons and when i would hurt my brothers it was always an accident aside from one incident where i did tie my younger brother up put him in a wagon at the

top of a hill pushed him down the hill and he ran into a tree and bounced his head off that tree a little bit a little like a minor because I see this in the movies. Is there, when something like that happens, is there a big, like, initial effort for you and maybe your, the brother that's closest to you to make the, to be like, you're not hurt. You're not hurt. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Don't cry. Don't cry. It's literally, it's literally Reservoir Dogs. I'm like, you're going to be okay. Say the words. Say the words'm like you're gonna be okay you're not dying in the back of this car you're not you're not dying yeah well that one was especially bad because i know i told this years ago so i'll keep it quick i you know those play school wagons like those like big plastic wagons that you would in like the 90s see a woman like pulling young kids in not like a stroller or a tram for the brits and australians not a red ladder either

i i don't remember radio i don't remember what i even tied him up with but it wasn't even a good tie job he could have escaped if he had a little gumption and i have i wrapped him up in it and then i put him in this and i was like we had a very steep hill like people would come from around the neighborhood like neighborhood friends to use our hill for sledding because it was so steep and there was one giant willow tree in the back and i was holding it i was holding him up the only thing was keep that was keeping him from flying down this hill was was me holding it and my dad was up on the the patio behind us and he goes, Taylor! Don't you let that go! And I wanted to see what happened so I let it go anyway. And like as

soon as I did, because it should have just anywhere else in the yard it could have come to a gentle rest of its own volition but he just went bop bop bop bop bop bop slammed into the tree. He bounced out of it like a crash test on me. Smacked his face and head on the willow tree bark and my dad

came down there and he gave me gave me what for that was did he steer into the tree or was he just a passenger he was just he was bound to it and so he had no control to the wagon and so okay i didn't try to drop him into the tree i just didn't play i remember seeing him go down and being like don't hit the tree don't hit the tree, don't hit the tree if he hits the tree then dad had a point this whole time like a guided missile smashed into that tree

and then also when I was like definitely four my dad was shooting sporting clays with his buddy his buddy was a deputy sheriff and I'm trying to get his attention apparently, I'm like hey hey hey and nobody's talking to me because the two grown men are talking and I found trying to get his attention, apparently. I'm like, hey, hey, hey, and nobody's talking to me because the two grown men are talking.

And I found the biggest rock that I could pick up. I'm four, but it must have been pretty big because apparently I smashed down on his friend's foot and broke his foot, and he had to take time off from being a sheriff's deputy to broke his fucking foot with a rock. That's my favorite story. That and like... The dude needs milk.

Yeah, I love that. His bad bones was clearly the cause of all that, not a delinquent child. But you were a strong four-year-old picking up big stones. Perhaps so. Perhaps so. Yeah. Oh, man.

I'm trying to remember any other silliness I engaged in that actually resulted in someone being hurt. I pulled both of my friend's arms out of his shoulder sockets on accident. Jesus Christ. Were you swinging him? I was swinging him. Yeah, you were. Yeah. He wanted to do it.

Swung him around. Everyone else had a good time. Strong shoulder ligaments. I thought everyone was having a blast. Then he gets hurt. It may have only been one shoulder. I think he was being dramatic. He was whining the whole time afterward when it was like, Alex, come on.

Let's just play Pokemon Red. Make a couple trades. Forget this whole thing happened. What do you think about it? I want to shift gears and talk about... First of all, you sent me that hilarious picture of Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I put it in the chat over there. If you scroll up just a little bit, it's

the fucking... Ah, shit. I'll relink it. Yeah, here it is. I'm going to relink it. I got to grab it from somewhere. It's like the actor in Shogun looks so much like Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Does Shogun have two episodes left? Either two or one. I'm not sure. I don't know if we're on seven or eight. We're moving a little slowly. Am I crazy? There's a big build-up for the final battle. That's what we're doing. It's ten episodes and the big build build up is a good the last 4 maybe

probably I think there's 2 episodes left it's my best guesstimation I'm digging it I'm liking all the character stuff I'm trying to figure out if this guy's given up or if it's a ploy the whole time.

And then finally you figure it out. We know, but not everyone in the show knows. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, of course. Yeah. Still loving the show. Can't wait till it's complete.

And I think, like I said earlier, these mini series like this, when you've got a big story to tell, are so wonderful. Yes. Especially when they're well made. I bet it's a lot of money to make something like this I don't know what it costs per episode but you would think 10 million 25 million an episode somewhere in that range so it's an expensive

fucking thing it's like making a movie I can't even estimate the CGI I suspect there's a lot of CGI and I can't tell so that says something yeah I can't tell either obviously when there's i think there's some people got shot with a cannon blown apart you could tell there but um but like um if they're like making the buildings so they've got buildings that are clearly buildings

that we're living in and then you've got cgi in the distance and then there's this really good blending of the foreground and the background that makes that lends to both they make the the real shit makes the cgi stuff look better and the real stuff is made to such high levels like the craftsmanship that's clearly been put into making this little these all of these cities and villages and places we travel to a couple of times um the main in charge character not the white guy, but the Japanese guy has fallen either like off a cliff or from an earthquake or something. And I can't tell how much of that scene is CGI and how much of it is like studio.

There's been fields full of armies and such. And I'm like, I don't, I have no idea what this cost to make. Is this CGI? Is this people? So to their credit, it's like wolf of wall street almost where you didn't realize how much gosh darn cgi was in wolf of wall street none of those

buildings look like that none of those boats look like that that prison didn't look like that the tennis courts didn't look great so much didn't look like that but i had no idea when i watched they've always done it um but but and and like thereranos. There's CGI. And I'm not just talking about Livia's head. There's CGI in The Wire. And some of that stuff looks shitty. When they put Livia's head back on, it's ghoulish.

Who are we talking about? Livia? Tony Soprano's mother. In her last episode, she's all CGI'd in and it looks absurd. They take footage from before and they like... Oh, she's dead? Yeah, she died. And so they just take her head and whatever technique they use,

just cut a circle around it and then put it on a different actress's body and have Tony talk to it. And she's so iconic. Or maybe it's because I've seen the show so many times. But I'm like, I remember this scene clearly. Like, I know what she's actually saying. Yeah, get out. Whatever she's saying.

Like, I remember her already saying that before. Oh, you know the audio that they used. Yeah, to me, it's like hearing a lyric from a song. I just need to hear, Brandy, she's a. And I know. I'm addicted to that song Brandy, she's a... And I know. I'm addicted to that song lately. Yeah, I don't need the rest of the lines. I know where we are in the melody because I've heard this so many times. So that shit... And then in The Wire,

they would have buildings, like the towers that they were running drugs in. Those weren't real. Those were CGI buildings. And then in Sopranos, they'd have some a lot of signs like if you've got a fake hideout or a fake business they'll take like a nice fancy

library and then just put Acme chemical company like CGI up there and make it look like look official hmm oh it was like yeah it was 2000 but yeah I'm I'm looking I'm really enjoying Shogun I'm watching that and I'm watching Invincible Invincible came out tonight and I'm really enjoying Shogun. I'm watching that and I'm watching Invincible.

Invincible came out tonight and I'm super excited to see the next episode of that. I thought it was over Invincible. So they broke the second season into two halves. The first half ends with Mark and Omni-Man being defeated

on the insectoid planet and Omni-Man being defeated on the insectoid planet and Omni-Man being taken away by the Viltrumites and Mark being maybe dead. Well, the rest of that season has been debuting for about a month and a half now. And so we're like four or five more episodes deep, something like that, maybe three or four episodes. But it's been excellent.

It's been very good. Huge monumental things have been happening. It's been very good. Huge monumental things have been happening. Main characters have been dying and dying heroically in really cool scenes. It's been very good. I love, love, love Invincible.

It's one of... Honestly, I hate to say it, but that Jeff Bezos guy over there, they're making some good fucking entertainment. I looked it up, Kyle. I'm right. Invincible's done, but I don't know. The last episode came out on the 4th, and I saw it.

The 4th? April 4th. Was that the end of the season? Yeah. April 4th. So last week was the finale of the... Did you see it where Omni-Man said,

I miss my wife? Yeah. I think so, yeah. That sucks. Are you sure? I thought... My son told me... Your audio is not right. My son told me it was over

And I was like, oh, is it? And I googled it And he confirmed he was right, and he told me I was wrong So I looked it up just now again And it seems like Colin's still right Shit, I didn't realize That was the final episode That felt a little anticlimactic What the fuck?

It's a bit of a cliffhanger Yeah, I mean, it is the night before his execution right and he's decided that he missed his wife so maybe he wants to live and come back to earth yeah i didn't realize that was the season finale well i haven't i have to wait another year then they have promised that the animation is going to be much quicker now there was a scene in invincible that i really liked i forget they were talking about comics or something and he's like yeah you can save some money you know by just showing the back of the character's head or you know making it so just the lips move and as they said the first thing

they did that as they said the second thing they did hiding the character's mouth so you don't have to animate the lips you know stuff like that he's like drinking a cup of coffee when he's having this conversation i really enjoyed that bit of meta to mm-hmm You still like I hear them say animation takes forever But I just don't understand it. I'm sorry. I don't understand why I Don't understand why one person doesn't draw like these mark saying these five words and another person right after them is drawing mark saying the next five words Your another person right after them is drawing Mark saying the next five words. You're Mike's fuck slush.

It's good. It's just too much gain. It's very loud. I heard that crackly vape though. It was the right source. Everything's working. It's just the gain I think. Maybe not. That's one of your issues. He's just exasperated at how annoying it is.

That's disappointing about Invincible. Anyway, it's a very great show. No, no, he's just exasperated at how annoying it is. Yeah, that's disappointing about Invincible. Anyway, it's a very good show regardless. J.K. Simmons is great in that, and I like the story. I like how much... I'm not fighting my microphone. No, he's good. There you go. You've defeated it.

Yeah, he fixed it. Finally. Man. Me and P.K.I. Audio Issues. Nice. Name a more iconic duo. What are you doing?

Are we going to get a new angle of Kyle? I'm just trying to move. The cord goes through there and I kicked the cord and it pulled it over there. I'm just trying to get back to your normal. I had to take my dog to the... That's the Patreons, the under

desk cam. Oh, the under the desk one? Yeah. I mean, I'm wearing pants. I don't know. It's about the feet. I'd be surprised if you weren't wearing pants. You got like four layers on. You'd look ridiculous with no pants on. Just Winnie the Pooh in it all the time.

Like a newscaster. They never wear pants behind the desk you know they don't that's always an awkward look in the bedroom after sex if you're winnie pooh in it yeah that's a thing like a girl in a girl in just a t-shirt nothing hotter a guy in just a t-shirt ugliest fucking thing yeah i'm not winnie the pooh i like to think of myself as an anteater yeah it's like a steak cucumber just poking out of his hole man yeah i don't know i never put my shirt on before the whether it's jeans pajama pants whatever you go you go underwear then you go socks then you go pants then you go shirt then you go shoes and that's the logical you just take you'll put a shirt on before you put underwear yeah i'm getting yeah i'll just like like whatever's there in front of me like i'll throw you know like take what i'm gonna put on and put it over there and just kind of grab it in a you're

a real bon vivant live and let live kind of guy i'm with kyle though i think this is extremely structured you're dressing yourself in order like it's a ritual. It's just the natural order that it goes. Is it like when they put the Space Marines armor on? They're like, got those incense urns from the change waving them about? First thing you do is you open your underwear drawer and you try and find your most favoritest underwear. Then you go, oh, I don't have that one.

Or that kind. I'm going to go with the second kind. Yeah, oh, I don't have that one. Or that kind. I'm going to go with the second kind. The golden boy. Not a specific one. That would be absurd. Where's my cotton boxer briefs? I don't have those. Extra absorbent when it's hot out. Dude, they were on this

100% cotton briefs for so many years. Really? Yeah. It's more comfortable. What is that material? Mo-dol? Mo-dol. I almost said my-dol. Have you ever gone with bamboo once before?

Yeah, that's what Mo-dol is. That's what Mo-dol is. Oh, it is? Okay, that shit's good. I'm wearing some now. I thought it was literally bamboo underwear, like Dutch shoes. It's like something...

Oh my god! Have you tried bamboo? They take the bamboo and they break it and open it slowly until you've got a sheet of it. Just walking around crackling. Things Gilligan never told us. It reminds me of those TikToks

where you see like a 900 year old asian man just making some really highly crafted like mahjong set out of bamboo except it's he's making underwear or i like watching the the really elderly japanese guys occasionally there's like youtube compilations of them making sushi yeah that's solid it makes me so hungry every time a hundred but even like i'll even be enjoying the artistry of it and at a point like even watching it i'm like like you you can hurry up a little bit man i was really hamming it up there aren't you hoshi i was i was playing i love it when they did they like they're like touching the bait fuck loads. It's like, man, I don't want that. Yeah.

I was playing Dragon's Dogma the other day, and it's just like the weirdest cut thing in this game. Like you've got like it's all the in-game graphics, and then you set up camp and you cook food there, and then for some reason it just cuts to this, like, super high res, like, 4K shot of a campfire with, like, a metal place on it cooking tomahawk steak. And it just, like, pans across it. And it was the most fucking delicious steak I've ever seen. And I was already so starving.

I'm like, I'm going to end my stream. I'm going to go and eat a steak. Like, I'm fucking out of here. Quick, someone donate me a steak amount of money yeah exactly yeah i'd go to the supermarket buy a fucking steak like oh you make your you were making your own that night i had to because i just seen a good looking steak i had to eat one that is a fun part of being like like something i enjoyed in like very early adulthood was like I could just go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want and make anything. And then realizing like, oh, it takes practice.

You're bad at all this. And you have to do it every night. And you have to do it every night. Yeah, yeah. And you eventually get to the point where it's like, oh, if I eat everything I want all the time, I'm going to die. Yeah. You eventually get to the point where it's like, oh, if I eat everything I want all the time, I'm going to die. The trick is to leave it out on the counter so it goes bad and you don't eat the whole thing. I do that with pizza.

When I order pizza. I made a whole cake one night. I was like, I want a slice of cake. I looked at what it was called. I can order one for $27. $27? Or I could... I i'm like i've got flour i'm halfway there it's just flour and eggs and fucking oil so i was like just bake my own

yeah and sugar yeah just bake my own fucking cake but then i leave it on the counter to either go bad or the dog will get it my dog's fucking like a hyena. It'll get up. It'll climb all the way up on the counter and get stuff that's all the way tucked away from them. I wake up every morning and I'm like, fuck. All right. Let's go clean the yard up. They dragged out in the yard

today was a hammer, a bread knife, a pair of snipping pliers, half of a bag of Tostitos scoops from guacamole movie night and fucking the guacamole dish very much empty and what else

you see the shit like a demon today and just like an empty Amazon box they just took outside and beat up how do they get outside they've got like free access to go in and out of the house all the time there's two dog doors they have to go through so i've created a fucking doggy corridor i know i went out i went out the other day to mow the lawn and i found my fucking wallet and my vape out there i I literally got rolled by two dogs. They fucking mugged me.

You know the worst part is that they somehow got just my driver's license out of my wallet. I have no idea where the fuck it is. So now I'm going to have to order another driver's license. And I went to sell a car the other day and the guy was like, you got ID? I opened up my fucking wallet after I'd found it on the lawn and I don't have my fucking license in there,

so I had to drive home and get my passport, and then go back to this fucking dealership because I got mugged by my dogs. Stupid little cunts. It's so annoying. You guys need some corporal punishment in those households on your dogs. They don't learn that way. I'm trying to think if they've destroyed anything valuable, valuable.

They've chewed some like... Oh, they've chewed up some expensive shoes. They've chewed up a couple hundred bucks for the shoes or something like that. Toby got a pair of shoes that was like $250 one time. I got my sneakers, like a nice

pair of sneakers, but all my other shoes are like work boots, so they can't really chew through them so not my current dogs but the yellow labs i had good red wing work boots if you guys don't know red wing it's like an american brand and it's expensive but high quality and uh i took it to a cobbler to get fixed i was like i like these boots and i've had them for a long time so what's it like walking into walk into a cobbler? Is he just like, finally! I can say cobbler now and then.

Like a cobbler, Kate, Mike, fucking knives and bongs and everything. You here for the blow or the girls? They have an extremely heavy duty sewing machine. So when I damage paramotoring equipment, I need it fixed for fucking real.

This is life support equipment. I go to a cobbler. Nice. Do you have a cobbler? Dan's the best. Two. I have two cobblers I've gone to. I got a cobbler guy.

I got cobbler guys. I'll tell talking about animals. My fucking cat. My cat is on a mission to destroy everything in my kitchen at the moment. So I've got this fat cat. Like, he's a real fat, angry bastard. And if he's hungry, he'll just start attacking you because he wants to eat. And so he's worked out that he can get fed now because if it's near his food dinner time

if he makes a ruckus in the kitchen we'll go to the kitchen and be like oh i guess it's his dinner time but he's like i i swear we've accidentally trained him now he sits up next to the kitchen and he he pushes glasses and plates off and smashes them off the kitchen bench i'm down to fucking two plates man i need to go buy more plates this dude this fucking cat has broken every plate and bowl and glass in my house i'm drinking out of a fucking i'm drinking out of a at a uh uh what are they called mineral water bottle at the moment because i'm out of glasses are you just refilling that with water i'm just refilling it with water i don't have a glass because he's broken all my fucking glasses. Like, oh, I've got his mugs.

And, you know, it feels weird drinking water out of a mug. Are you sick to death of your cat? Oh, man, I just want to fucking punt him over the face. Or is it your wife's cat? No, it's both of our cats. But he's being a cunt at the moment. It's so annoying. I would hate that.

Yeah. I have my cat destroying my shit. my shit because first of all it's a cat he's not pulling his weight anyway yeah exactly he's a he's a bill you know he is how old is he how much more time you got with that cat oh he's still got ages he's he he goes through he goes through phases but now he's just in a break shit phase and it's kind of annoying yeah it's terrible twos yeah yeah so now i'm like i when i when i put uh like a dirty plate on the sink i have to like make sure it's actually in the bowl of the sink like in the otherwise he could push it off you know and he

i think that's why i keep getting mugged by my dogs because everything on the bench he just pushes off and then the dogs steal it so oh that makes sense a little bit of a little oceans 11 style thing he pushes the wallet off he pilfers your license and then they hide it in the yard hoping that you'll chop up the evidence with your mower yeah exactly yeah it annoys me a lot because he usually waits until like 3 a.m to do it so you just hear this insanely loud crashing in the kitchen and you have to get up like Like you can't just be like, I'll deal with that tomorrow because it's broken glass. You know, the dogs will go and fucking walk through it and touch it and shit. And you're like, ah, fuck me. Does the cat give you affection?

Well, that's the thing. He starts out when he's hungry. He'll start out with coming over for a cuddle and he'll be purring. And then if you don't get up and feed him within like 20 minutes, he like all right time's up bitch now i'm switching to fucking i'm gonna bite you i wanted to be i'm getting angry i'm getting hangry now i want to be fed break your glasses yeah he's a bastard that would be a horrible way to wake up to the sound of your cutlery and dishes tumbling to the floor shattering yeah yeah having to wake up in the middle of the night to like take care of something when you're asleep

is so annoying is so i had to do that recently with uh a smoke alarm where like it's never a convenient time when you hear that dreaded like chirp in the middle of the night. And you can't ignore that. You can't be like, I'll just go ahead and deal with this every 30 seconds for the next six hours of sleep. I feel like you're out there in your underwear, and I'm like, do I have a stepstool? And so I'm just going into my kitchen, pulling one of the barstools over.

The smoke alarms in Australia, you can get ones that just like they uh have uh they don't wire it into the house so they're just like a battery and they last for 10 years and they just stick onto the roof so if one of mine starts beeping and it's the middle of the night i'm just there i like i'm tall enough to do it in most of the house but there's one that i can't reach i'm there with a broom i just smash it off the roof and then just go and throw it outside it's like that's tomorrow's a tomorrow problem, man. Why can't the dog or cat steal this?

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, that annoys the shit out of me. I get it. It's a smoke alarm. It has to notify you pretty aggressively, but that aggressively. Every 30 seconds. It needs another tone, right?

Like this little. little yeah maybe like once a minute i'm not gonna die every five minutes i'll catch it before long you know chirp every 30 seconds is excessive you only hear it once and then like at least for me my thought is then dominated by like like i i how fast until i never have to hear that again yeah because it's so grating and so shrill it's a dog whistle for people i think that's the point though yeah it is what they should do is uh is set it up so it only plays during uh like non-sleeping hours so they're just like it's timer on it and it's just like that sounds like a liability problem it does but it might be yeah it would it would make our our lives a percentage i can't even imagine easier like life would be grand if it wasn't for chirping they last like fucking eight years on average

some nonsense where it's it's just when you exist years. I feel like I'm replacing a battery and a smoke alarm every one or two. I feel like they're supposed to, but yeah, you're right. Cause this one I replaced. It was only like three years probably. The ones that I get are meant to last 10 years,

but I hardly fucking doubt it. Yeah. Maybe my problem is Amazon basics batteries or something like that i think that's what my problem is too i don't know what they're doing in the amazon basics factory are the factory workers like kind of using them first and then packaging them up like all right i can get a couple hours out of this yeah they're charging their teslas are they just hiring people with the most chromosomes is possible, thinking that's better. Yeah. Trying to pump up batteries. You've got 38? Oh, man. Jimmy down there

sounds like I'm 37. How many chromosomes do you have? More than you. Right, right. More than you. I didn't realize there was such a difference in battery quality i thought those duracell guys were just huffing their own farts for a long time but it turns out amazon basics really is this the the retarded cousin of the other of duracell batteries they have some where they're i think the same as the other good ones you know like if you need an amazon basics

freaking drinking glass or something it's probably fine yeah yeah but unless your cat smashes it obviously yeah i feel like i bought an amazon basics shirt once and like wearing it once like it like looked like i've been attacked by cats. Like it was just falling apart. It was a school shirt. It's like you're washing a batch of battery acid. Yeah, you have to be, I guess, thoughtful with what you resort to Amazon Basics for. Because a lot of it is just trash. Have you ever bought something horrible off Amazon Basics, Kyle, that you shouldn't have?

I've got miniature versions. Yeah, i've got you're the biggest amazon yeah i've got miniature versions of shit um not like comically small like itty bitty but like i thought i was getting like a normal size bug zapper and they sent something it's like what is this bug zapper for ants it's like oh yeah i've had one of those the other day she got a uh a present for a friend and it was like a decorative pot and then it got there and it was the size of a shot glass like who does that on purpose pool toys pool toys or children's like hose based sprinklers and shit like that the the box has like nine kids playing on it together and you open it up and it's like two children could fit

at the most. I did it with a shovel once. I just needed a... I was like, I need a shovel to scoop that much dirt and put it over there. I didn't have a shovel. I was quick. Amazon. Just on my phone. Next day, the smallest. It looked like that army

shovel that takes apart into two pieces and goes in a rucksack and i'm out god damn it so yeah i've been chipped a couple times from amazon slip and slides as a kid you were mentioning the like people playing on the box i remember like having a whole summer afternoon ruined as a kid because i was at toys r us with my grandparents or my dad or something like that and then he bought us a slip and slide and like on the slip and slide container, like it looks like you could cover the entirety of a lane on a highway. You could just like, it looks like it looked like I would be tired of sliding before I

read. And then you set it up and it's just an exercise and like all right go straight down it because for some reason the spokes on the side are metal and they're made to thrash children you don't hammer that you'll cut yourself and like you you get a tiny bit of speed and then you're in the grass i've never really understood the idea of the end of the uh the slide and thinking like oh i could get down there and just like kind of wait around for a bit no there's four liquid ounces of water in there i've never really understood the concept of a slip and slide like that all i've done is just

remarketed like uh fucking trash bags trash bags yeah so what it is it's it's summer water fun for poor kids who don't have pools or access to swimming pools and probably can't swim um it's something you can hook a water hose up to and you get wet in the yard and have excuse to slide around i'll get that it's just that they they've just remarketed plastic and then sold it oh well you know like they some of them have like the reservoir where like the water is like shooting onto it all the way down in a knee or whatever. We never had any of that shit. We always had a creek or a pond that we had dammed up and made a rope swing into or something like that.

We just went into the dam and then used the plastic sheet that you wrap hay bales in. And then you're done. Yeah. We had the curtain material that poultry houses used to use and like in mass so it's like a good eight feet wide because it's meant to be folded either end and then it's as long as you want like it comes in 250 foot rolls so we would put that stuff down um at my grandmother's house she lived on the river and they had taken i don't know what it was it looked like gigantic pvc pipes that they had cut a slice out of to make us to make us make

their own slide and it went from like the top of a huge hill down into the river so we'd like slide down that thing into the river and look at that no zach pull up the first photo of the slip and slide look at how long it's over the horizon the length of this pull that picture up that's the first one I found

there's still $36 it looks like that this is 22 feet long. That's seven steps. It's seven steps. Unless those kids are eight inches tall. That looks amazing.

It looks incredible. Those children are clearly photoshopped all day. And those pads, you wear them like skates this is awful first picture maximum full length there it is look at that look at that it won't look like that no do you think all those little holes are actually going to spurt no one of them is going to tear immediately and now you don't have a barrier how long is it meant to be 22 feet obviously just look at it yeah look at it seven steps it's seven steps that's if you're a giant seven meters a man no i'm saying according to this oh this is on this this is a 40 yard dash

oh man it's good to see some schemes don't change china still pulling the wool over our kids eyes for wanting fun in the sun i can't believe how tawny those children look ridiculous i do have a trick for getting good pool toys though you know what you buy instead of a tube meant for a swimming pool where they're all shit and garbage that china sells buy a inflatable sled like one that meant to slide down hills and that'll last that does make sense yeah i didn't i mean a lot of the most fun and most speed i got on sleds as a kid were from those ultra cheap ones that were at the front of home dep, like the turtle ones. Yeah, the little disc. Because, like, no friction.

You could just fly on those. Run into the other kids. The fastest ones have the, like, the radio flyer. Is that who made them? Yeah, yeah. The metal runners. Mm-hmm. I don't know.

I have pool toys when I was young. We had a pool at a couple of houses that we lived in, and all we had was a tennis racket and a tennis ball, and we used to play a game called paintball. And all you'd do is you'd stand in the pool at either end of the pool, and whoever you were against, say I was playing against my brother, I'd have the tennis racket, and I could use it to defend my face,

and then he would serve a tennis ball at me as hard as he could, and then the tennis ball would be at my end, and then I'd serve a tennis ball at me as hard as he could and uh and then the tennis ball would be at my end then and i'd serve it back at him and we just so we just hit tennis balls at each other as hard as we could okay i play paintball that's okay that's just our brothers we would play paintball with paintball guns though so what we would do is we didn't want to we don't want to get paintballs like in the. So this is just like... This memory is exactly why we were... The only shitty thing I did as a teenager, I think, was bully kids at paintball.

We took it so seriously. I remember we went inside of a poultry house the night before. The backside of that thing is just a big room, basically, with lighting. And we got a certain distance from each other and took the hoppers off. And we were putting one. We each put a paintball in like one paintball. And we would just sort of like, I don't know, Napoleon style, like take 10 paces, turn around.

This looks good to you. I don't know. Is it good to you? It looks a little close. Oh, does it? You think it's a little close, pussy? All right. It's fine.

No, no, this is just fine and then we would like take turns shooting at each other like working on not only i guess accuracy but also not really caring about getting shot because i had a theory at the time that i think is still true that the braver you are at paintball the better like if you're not afraid of getting shot the fear and the pain is all that puts people's heads down and it's how you suppress people but if you're not afraid of getting shot the fear and the pain is all that puts people's heads down and it's how you suppress people but if you're not afraid of getting shot you can't be suppressed and you can if you can take these big risks you can take big risks whereas maybe a third of the time or even more maybe half the time you get lit the fuck up but the other half of the time it's like cod when you get behind five guys aiming out a window and you're just in the room

behind him like boys and you get this you get those moments instead of spending a whole game like popping up and down you get those those really huge adrenaline dumps of just i called it bunkering i don't know what the technical term is but when you fucking run up on a motherfucker and shoot him point blank also it's fun to shoot a motherfucker point blank with a paintball yeah you you're usually lobbing and you're like, did I hit him? Yeah, yeah, he held his hand up. But if you run up on somebody,

it's... It was also satisfying getting someone to surrender with blind fires where you'd be out of paintballs and you just think, if I just charge at him and just keep firing, he might surrender. I'd just say, surrender, surrender! He might. And every once in a while that would work but most of you're making the pop sound without any paint coming out is that what's happening yeah you just pull it and it shoots air

and like it sounds slightly different so if they know what to listen for they're like he's got nothing but a lot of the times they just got bamboozled and we were also like fucking 12 so when uh my uh box died bucks day what do they call it in america the bachelor's party yeah yeah yeah yeah so we uh we went up to my friend has like a fairly large property and we got all paintball guns and stuff up there and um we went up and uh we we got these like rubber like right control balls for the paintball guns and they they fucking hurt so much like we were just like lacing each other with them and uh while we're there by the way uh one of my friends he's a bit of a dumbass he always gets hurt and uh he um mid-fight like lifted up his

mask to like do something like rub his face or something like that and he got shot like directly in the eye with a paintball and he fucking ended up having to go to hospital and almost lost his eye. Yeah. It was fun. Yeah, that's bad. Yeah, you got to leave the mask on. That's what they stress so much.

They do stress that. But we played this game mode, so we made up this game mode where, like, okay, it's two ends of the field, and there's a chair in the middle of the field, this plastic chair, and if you're sitting in the chair, the field this plastic chair and uh if you're sitting in the chair you're invulnerable so you can stay there as long as you want if you get shot you don't have to run back to the respawn point but everyone can shoot you and you're sitting there in the open and uh one of my friends as carl was saying was completely unafraid of being shot

sat on this chair and just obliterated our entire team and just got fucked up like he had like 20 dudes just unloading full auto with rubber riot control balls and he's just like whatever he's got a heart of a champion it's not quite that at all but but at living legends which was the big scenario game we'd play in on the final most of the game was played over a lot of acreage woods and and small buildings and all sorts if you can imagine a paintball like what it is is they've got like six different mini fields and they open them all up into a giant field for the big scenario game so you get this varied combat thing but on the final day they have one sides on left side one sides on the right and We're talking about 2,000 or 3,000 people.

In the middle is a hill. The hill is such you can't see the enemy unless you crest that hill and look over it. It's almost like from a medieval war field or something like that. You're arcing the fire blindly. I mean,

everybody's arcing. They must sell so much paint. It's a final day too so get rid of it and it's just sailing over like artillery and if you're just standing over there in the open it's raining around you so like there's no choice but to walk through the rain and i mean it's sparse but then when you get to the front line it's because what's on top of that hill are is how we make points you have to hit a slapstick and make it go from red to blue. And now your team has a point. Well, going to the top of that fucking hill isn't just suicide.

It's not about if you get hit. I think you hit it. It's how many times. You hit it, right? Hell no. No? Okay. Not that.

Nah. One time, at least, I was brave enough to go for it but i don't think i was ever talented enough to move it oh i wasn't going up there because what happens when you go up there not only can you kind of hurt yourself like run it's a very steep thing at the peak so i would see people run and they hit the thing and they dove so but But they dove to the other side of the hill. And now there aren't just 10 or 20 or 30 or 40 or 50 people shooting you. There's hundreds of people shooting at you. And the refs have to jump on you like an MMA fighter and save you with their body.

They have shields and stuff. They have to come save you from the punishment you're taking. And they're quick about it, but it's still, I can't remember who I saw who had went for it, but you can tell what side of it, it's like a sunburn. You can tell which side of them was facing the damage. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, okay, so there.

Oh, and this is when you fell and rolled over and exposed your butt, okay? Because they're just eaten up. They're almost touching all the paintball welts. And that to me is... That's no fun. I did. I remember that exact time and seeing everybody charge up there.

Not everybody. Very few people charge up to the top and stand and be like... Even watching, I'm like, that's not fun. That's not what I'm here for. I'll wait for some idiot on the other team to do that. And then I'll get some easy easy shots in or when your team does it you suppress as best you can yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you've like you see people like take their 20 paint grenades and then throw those and not work

a lot of that dude that's hilarious i think smoke is another thing too where it's like oh he threw a smoke bomb if you look careful you can see a little smoke yeah you would get more smoke from lighting a 20 on fire throwing that on the other side of them they were bad i think they make good smoke grenades because i watch some airsoft shit every now and then that the and and sometimes i see actual smoke grenades it's like okay they're not gonna be able to hit them if they run across that path now that's when it works well when you've got a cross from like one building to another maybe and like just making the alleyway smoky so that they don't know when to shoot so they either got to just fire continuously or they're kind of fun like but out in the open the idea of smoking that field? Nah. It's like four football fields.

What are we doing? We need a forest fire. You can have yourself and 200 of your best friends throw one, and it wouldn't be enough to cover you. Not in my experience, anyway. I don't know what they got now. Proper for that. Yeah.

How much is a real smoke grenade? Like a legit one. I don't know that you can even i i don't know i don't know that's kind of what i was thinking did you mean kyle can't buy or people no human like people i don't know anything about yeah i know all sorts of scary stuff um yeah i don't know i don't know much about smoke grenades spear guns i think uh that would be cool getting into spear guns oh wait wait wait speak have you kyle have you bought your sword yet no i have been looking at sword guy now i'm a sword guy now. You're a sword guy.

First of all, it's swordsman. Let's get this straight. You'll make your way there. You're a student of the blade, first and foremost. Are you going to become like a reformed virgin? Like just stop having sex? That's the reaction that I'm not looking for. That is what has stained my hand buy it on amazon people bought this also enjoy fedoras

it'd be like japanese kimonos and butt plugs or something that so what kind of he's gonna be trying to get what kind of sword are we going for so that's the thing i don't want any wee voo shit i don't have any japanese heritage any asian heritage not even on that side of the planet there's's no sense in me getting... So you should get a spear from your homeland of Africa. I could do that, I suppose, but that's only 0.06%

of my heritage. I think I'd probably go with... I've looked at the Viking straight swords. I've looked at some Celtic swords. I've looked at some Confederate cavalry swords. It's sort of curved. It's got the handguard. I've looked at some confederate cavalry swords. It's sort of curved. It's got the handguard. I've looked at the Roman

gladiacies, which are also pretty cool. Those often come with a very ornate sheath. I got a warhammer. Warhammer, I reckon. You look like a warhammer guy, actually. If you were to go into combat, I can see you wielding a hammer.

You're a natural warhammer. I love warhammer guy actually i feel like if you were to go into combat i can see you wielding a hammer yeah you're a natural warhammer yeah i love warhammer yeah now we have maybe an axe in each hand yeah like a medium-sized one like a short axe what i'd be i feel like i'm an archer i feel like you are an archer you've got an archer no he's got that broad upper body he's got he's gonna be pulling them back and letting them go. Eh, Rob? Those longbows are fucking hard to pull back. You know what movie that's from? No. Shit.

I don't know. A longbow? That would be neat. I've heard they're hard to use, though. Very, very, very hard to pull back. You need to practice a lot to get it pulled back so those guys they're like a hundred pound draw and obviously there's no in a compound bow there's a lot of let off so that you're only pulling the the the weight rating for a brief period and then the

the pulleys turn over and now you're holding back far less and the better the bow the less you're holding back percentage wise you might be holding 70 uh 70 80 90 like weight less and less and less you'll actually be holding back of the the pull weight but i always shot like a when i was a kid i shot 60 pounds and when i was a man grown i shot 70 and my dad always shot 70 and that's often what compound bows top out at and it ain't that hard to pull back if you're like an active, regular sized man. Like, like if you're a five foot nine average guy who works out maybe once a

week, you could absolutely pull back a 70 pound draw. You know, you're pushing with one hand and pulling with the other. Yeah. A hundred. Isn't that much harder? It looks like 105 pounds is for a standard six.6 english self u longbow yeah yeah all right

i guess i feel like as a longbow with no counter lever system uh that would be hard i feel like that would be difficult so they're not holding it back though they're pulling them back and letting them go literally they're yeah right almost in a in one shot they're never holding and aiming like it's a rifle they're every motion is is one sort of pull it back and let it go i don't know if they actually did that sort of draw loose i don't know if they ever did that i wonder if they aimed it back at a target no i don't practice in one motion yeah no apparently the way to shoot most accurately is once it hits a certain point then you fire because the like the olympic the olympic ones have like a little clicker and it's

like on top of the arrow and when it goes past the when the arrow pulls out it clicks down and the clicking sound is the the that's when you fire apparently like when you get to the perfect tension that's like that's that's what I'm saying for the accuracy-wise. It would be hard to just hold a 110-pound draw weight accurately. Because you imagine you're fighting in a battle.

You're shooting a lot more than one arrow. So, the only arch... I've watched a bunch of stuff about the Battle of Agincourt, where there was a lot of English archers, and they kind of made the difference it was when the the french knights charged down the muddy field and get bogged down and the english archers just went at them and rained down it i don't know that they aim right at targets i don't think you want your archers so close to a target that they can aim straight at them i think it's always that big arcing, you know, sort of aim it up so you can hit the guys 175 yards away.

That was what made them so strong, wasn't it? That they had, like, such long range. They definitely had more range than the crossbows. We've talked before about, like, long bows and crossbows and how the crossbow was considered this, like, sort of low class is the wrong word. Less honorable weapon. Less honorable weapon. sort of low class is the wrong word that less honorable yeah yeah like crossbows had like uh high velocity and were able to pierce like plate armor though was the the point of them i think

any idiot can operate you can just hand it to someone you had to train the archers a lot but you can just hand that crossbow to somebody and do their thing i don't know if I'm sold that Woody would be a longbow guy. No. I'm 100% sold that Slush is either a double sided broad axe guy. I'm good with that. Double axes, little ones. I was thinking either that or like Gimli's axe

in Lord of the Rings. The little ones or the big boy? The big boy. I like the big boy. I thought that's versatile as well. If you get a good enough one of that The little ones or the big boy? The big boy. Okay. I like the big boy. I see slush is like a big boy. I thought that's versatile as well. If you get a good enough one of that. And you don't mind. Oh, I got it.

Shillelagh. No, get yourself a good fucking. Zach, can you pull up the picture of the Shillelagh from Gangs of New York? Oh, yeah. Shillelagh, is that a musical instrument? What is that? Close. It's an Irish musical instrument.

It's a percussion. To beat people up. Wait people are you pulling my leg uh well i'm sort of making a joke without pulling your leg i'm saying it's a percussion instrument because they whack people's head it's a it's a cudgel or a impact weapon it's a kinetic force kinetic energy transfer to us in gangs of new york you might remember the scene where at the beginning they're going to have the big fight. All the gang's going to fight. And Leonardo DiCaprio's father, Liam Neeson, his character, goes and he tries to recruit the big Irish brute guy. And he's offering to pay him so many copper coins per scratch on his shillelagh. And he pulls it out.

And it's, yeah. You can't really see it because of the quality, but he's got tons of etching marks for every man he's killed on this thing oh boy yeah wow that there you go it's pretty much a golf club it is followed on the end fuck somebody up see i don't think the golf club i think i think the golf club is a shit weapon i think it's a shit weapon you're absolutely right that's so fragile oh man i've shattered i've shattered drivers just like hitting just hitting the bowl hot enough like even a fiber or like i guess it's graph i had a graphite driver like yeah we just went and bought some like random shit to drive balls with and ah those things are tough like now that i think about but the thing it you wouldn't attack

someone with a driver anyway you'd use an iron but but those have those usually the metals are there i'm sure there's graphite there is graphite irons but i i think they're just i have metal irons my dad gave me old gold pings from like the other really old old people use graphite irons because they're more flexible so they can get more speed I had a whole set of callaways and I'm going to tell you, you break that thing right over somebody and then they beat you up for trying

unless you got it in the head with the actual iron bit. If you're going to bring a weapon into the combat arena, just know that human nature is that they have seen this as an escalation and permission for them to also escalate so you better get the shit done you if you show up with your nine iron take a swing he he takes a step

forward and the thing hits his shoulder and breaks on his shoulder best believe he might take that shaft and stab your ass with it instead of just beating you up like what would have normally happened. I ain't swinging a golf club at somebody. If I'm in that scene from Pulp Fiction where Bruce Willis is looking up at the pawn shop wall at the weaponry to take down to the fuck dungeon,

that golf club is on the bottom of my list. I'd much rather have a hammer. Give me a hammer. Just a regular claw hammer. He takes the katana.ana katana would be above like i i think that like uh i i had someone uh say this to me once he was like a uh he one of my dad's mates who rolled with some fucking angry motherfuckers and he said uh you only carry the weapon that you're willing to do the time for and uh he said a uh a hammer hammer is really good because you you don't you don't have to kill someone with that

a sword you hit someone in the leg very highly likely that if you hit them hard enough in the leg and they're gonna bleed out but you hit someone in the leg with a hammer you know and they're not gonna they're not gonna die and you're gonna get your money but if you go for the head with the hammer you can still kill him you can still you can still kill him with a hammer if you really want to i still i don't see slush as a shillelagh guy i see him as a war axe guy or a war hammer guy i'm gonna hammer woody i'm growing on woody as a longbow guy that was an image of gulmaraz gulmaraz kyle i don't where. I'm trying to peg you. Maybe just a swordsman.

Dude, I... What I would honestly want is if I actually had... If you're going to make me go fight in a gladiatorial arena, I would want a sword. Like a short sword that's one-handed. And I would want a shield. Like I would want a

teardrop shield. I believe they were called Mermilla right thank you oh the teardrop that are wild so like right because i want to be able to lower it because if he swipes at my legs i want to be able to lower it all the way to the ground like stab it into the ground to like like check a leg kick basically that's gold mirage that is the warhammer uh warhammer basically that is what but warhammer is named after this item the whole i would go that i would i would run that yeah that's pretty cool it's it's also imbued with the soul of some sort of ancient you know entity and it's basically sentient yeah well obviously

you want a hammer you can talk to you know at least that's the way i remember you're tired of killing so you would want to be like this guy kyle yeah this this mermillo picture which you'd need like you need to have a good body to pull this off oh no no no so i'm talking about like the shield that at the top it's like it's shaped like a teardrop and the top is the fat part and then at the bottom it becomes a point like it's it's fat at the top, it's shaped like a teardrop. And the top is the fat part, and then at the bottom, it becomes a point. It's fat at the top and skinny at the bottom, the shield is. And I would want a longer sword than that. I'm going to

have to be so close to that guy to make this sword do business. I want like eight more inches. Yeah, we all do. We're racing to that one. Look at that. Tell me this isn't slush. This is slush. So what you have there is a... Oh, what are those fucking called?

It's a... It's called a dwarf? It's the unit name. This is a specific kind of unit because it's not wearing armor. It's the slayer. It's a slayer. That is a slayer. Yeah. I feel like a shield like uh i going going back to paintball when we actually did the paintball thing we made a shield and uh

the idea was that uh i would get the shield being that uh i was getting married and then everyone was going to shoot me at some stage and we had so we made this wooden shield and we were fucking around with it afterwards and we're all drunk and uh my friend was holding on to it and had it on his arm and he held it up and i grabbed it and just sort of like turned it and he was just like oh and and because he's like we're not trained to obviously operate a shield or strong enough to stop someone from just grabbing it and turning it and your arm just sort of being like bar locked inside it so i feel like a shield would probably fuck me more than it would help me yeah this is my shit right here this right here is it secutor is that what you this is exactly what i would be i would want to rock like like if i

this is literally the whole fucking like everything he's got on i love he needs gloves he needs fucking gloves. But otherwise, this is so perfect with carbon fiber knuckles. I, I, I want some, I want mail.

I, I, and I want, I want my finger, my, my biggest fear. Uh, and it's because all the sword fights I've ever had,

I got my knuckles wrapped like a lot. Like it happened a lot. Like we would have fights with PVCvc pipe or with you had these wooden dowels that were i don't know quarter inch or maybe three eight and and we would have like i always wanted to have a real sword fight of some kind if there had been kimpo or or whatever it's called that that sword karate martial art. Kendo, thank you. I would have done anything to do that as a kid. Instead, I was in bullshit karate.

But we made our own way. And I was always getting hit in my forearms and my hands. And if it was a blade, I'd be crippled. You'd need a hand guard, a sword with a hand guard. Yeah, whenever I see those old-timey swords that have the full-on... Your hand's in a sphere of protection. Like a rapier or something? The rapiers have really ornate ones, too.

What about those big gloves that look like big lobster claws? Those are for Lansing, though, I think. For the mounted guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they have really – that's another thing that I guess happens now in modern days.

It's got to be like a rich guy sport, huh? Like it's – that's what – all right. So the guys who have class and money, they do horse dancing, and the guys who are rednecks and have money, they're like, I want to do a little Lance. They're on the horses, Lansing. Oh, we're going to get into jousting. Jousting.

Yeah. Have you seen the modern day jousting? I have. Oh, my God. It's more brutal than it shows in television. You're like, oh, I kind of get it now. That's a lot of inertia. But they make the joust to be weak right they make it to break but

you can like people died doing that they always made so they so even in the medieval tournaments like the ones we watch in game of thrones those are also made to do that they're the the blunted um weak ones but they deliver like such an incredible amount of they all i mean they dehorse each other full gallop. Because each horse is going, call it 30 miles per hour. We've got all of that. And then they're aiming for each other's fucking upper body, trying to turn them.

So they de-horse them. And they hit hard as fuck. How much would a horse cost? What kind of horse? No, that's the thing. What kind of horse would you's the thing like what kind of horse would you use for uh for something like that like because you gotta you gotta think like uh say it's not a racehorse so you don't want to it's similar to a destruction derby in a way you don't want a ferrari in a

destruction derby so you're not getting like a fucking kodaki derby winning feel hear me out you just want a shit horse you know that's into fucking Clydesdale. That's a specially trained jousting horse. They're not just grabbing some fucking pony off the ranch or whatever. It's got to be an unbelievably stressful job for a horse. I think they like it. I think they enjoy

going into battle and doing shit. How much would it cost, you reckon? How much would a horse... To be a jouster and roll out every weekend? Probably about the same as it costs for every guy that like we it's the hospital bills that's gonna do you in it like everybody you know all those hobbies are similar prices honestly like like if you if you if you drive a race car i know that that you've got a 30 or 40 thousand dollar car and you're spending several thousand dollars a weekend and you go out a couple weekends a month

and it gets expensive. But the horse is the same fucking way. How much do you think a Clydesdale costs? Just a regular old Clydesdale? Yep. Garden variety. $5,000. Whoa.

Okay, more guesses? I'm going to say $20,000. What did I? $1,000 to $5,000. Although you're not wrong because an award-winning Clydesdale is $20,000. What did I? $1,000 to $5,000, although you're not wrong because an award-winning Clydesdale is $20,000. Oh, wow. I could have sworn you said, what is an award-winning Clydesdale? Yeah, I did.

Kyle wasn't listening carefully. He would have known, too. I bet you can go to the Budweiser. We've got horse deals in Australia. What's a horse set you back over here? A grand. Oh, 25 for a camp draft mare, apparently. So if you actually want a horse, you'll find that there are tons of people.

You got a horse, Gary? There'll be tons of people who their daughter wanted to be a princess for a week. They bought a fucking $3,000 horse. And now they have a horse that's $900. Yeah. Arabian chestnut gelding, three years old, $3,000 horse and now they have a horse that's $900. Yeah. Arabian chestnut gelding, three years old, $5,000. Why is it not? Why is it 900 now?

Because they don't want a pet that costs $3,000 that they got to feed that nobody rides because it's mean as a cuss. I'm always one of the horse. I've only ever ridden a horse once and I enjoyed it, but he seemed like he was extremely well-trained. I mean, he was a higher out horse. Yeah, nobody will let you on a horse that's not. Yeah, this is like they're going to have like a black horse stallion. I used to go to this dude ranch.

It was a family vacation that we do a lot and ride horses. And I thought I was good at riding horses. I now know I was a tourist who overestimated his skills, but we could gallop and trot. We went through the woods and whatever. Cool. So then I go to this like Christmas event where they had horses you could sit on.

And they warned me that the horse bucked and didn't like people. And I said, don't worry. I'm good at this. I'm like 11. He thinks he's Aragon. Exactly. worry i'm good at this i'm like 11 so he thinks he's aragon exactly and i get on the horse and it bucks me and everyone is like you gotta get right back on you gotta get right back on the horse so i did and it's still like shuffled around but this time i stayed on and then left on my own

accord but i've uh i've been boxed by a horse and they all knew it was like a bucking horse they're trying to toughen you up for the you go back on it you got brought back up on that horse there's a lot of peer pressure i've always enjoyed horses i think if um if i ever moved out west i would get myself a hat and and uh and a horse dream big yeah back to the fedora with his sword yeah i say that because because i've said this before one of the things i despise the most is a fucking poser somebody who's all hat and no cattle you know what i mean i don't like that i don't like those people who fucking walk around their army fucking fatigues and and and like how and they they play call of duty you know what i mean

like i don't like posers so i can't buy that cowboy hat if i'm not riding a horse i feel that way very strongly i here's here's my take on it you can tell me as a subject matter expert tell me if you think i'm right straw hat mowing the yard on a tractor of course that's a fit right yeah it's a mowing hat yeah straw hats are only after labor day mate oh my bad that's the fashion but yeah um yeah i i can't i can't i don't think i could get a horse because i just couldn't trust something that could kick me to death you could take a horse don't be a sister no fucking why 600 kilo animal there's not an herbivore on this planet that i can't fuck up you're just gonna knock it out i don't can't beat the shit out of me and are you sure they're not gonna work with your face like blazing saddles

bro well then they're fucked elephants oh they eat meat right it's scary being way up on a horse and not having like an off switch exactly knowing he can kind of do what he wants if he really went crazy I talk about child me who fell but adult me weighs so much more I think I'd get hurt if I fell off it's a long way down yeah

at our age Woody man if you went down on a horse you'd be in hospital for. At our age, Woody, man, if you went down on the horse, you'd be in hospital for months. Yeah. Our age is so generous. Youngster. You don't bounce once you pass 35, man.

You don't. You are fucked. How much higher is a Clydesdale than a normal horse? I just know when I was like about 12 hands. What's that in Imperial? Is that the Imperial I live in a democracy. I think

that it's about about 6,000 but I mean, if he is Imperial hand should be also Oh, you're how many hands did you say Kyle? 12 well, no Americans. You said how more or total for uh clydesdale oh wait no it didn't answer the question 20 hands bigger than a normal horse thank you i can't be

true how big is a hit all right is quora leading me down a path of lies it's four inches exactly there's a hand is four inches and a foot is 12 inches I didn't know this yes I'm sorry I'm really excited about this I gotta use hands all the time now that biggest

the biggest horse in the world it weighed like 3,000 pounds it's more than a car his name is Mammoth in the world. It weighed like 3,000 pounds. It's more than a car. His name is Mammoth, which is a great name. He measured 21.2 hands and weighed more than 3,000 pounds.

You're right. Damn. Mammoth inspired me. If you got a... What do they call a great dinghy? A seven-plate tool? And named it Wooly, that'd be cool. Mammoth inspired me If you got a What do they call a great dingy dog? A great doodle And named it Wooly That'd be cool

Oh he said that Right? Yeah My problem is when you mix them with those big dogs They don't live long enough I took my little fucker to the vet Nah you need a refresh every 8 years No

I want him to be like a forever dog I need that bitch to live well Sounds like you like old dogs. I get new dogs. You could become a bird guy and buy a cockatiel that will outlive you. That's too much. There's a guy. I don't know if he still comes, but there was a guy

that came often to our hangouts. Join the Patreon down below. Hang out with us this weekend. Not this weekend. Two weekends from now. Something like that. UFC fights coming up. Join now. You can watch the UFC fights with us this weekend two weekends from now something like that ufc fights coming up oh yeah join now with you come watch the ufc fights with us this weekend it's going to be great uh what was i saying the patron playing the oh he's got a fucking bird he had one of those little parakeets or some shit crawling all over him and it's super cute it's going like and he's like going

back and it's giving kisses and uh what he's like how long do they live this yeah this has been months ago what he's like how long do they live and he's like about 12 or 14 years he goes ah how old's that one 14 years and i think somebody's gonna be kind of hard when that thing dies soon huh because you know nothing but optus in there with us oh yeah he goes yeah i'm gonna ruin my world i can really think about is looking down the barrel at the little peaty not being here anymore it was bad as fuck he had this this little little fucker that he loved so much and it was so cute

it was very personable like the yeah it clearly had personality is what i mean to say like it's it's it's like playing peekaboo with him like clearly having fun with him like making a little making little faces and shit it's cute as shit but i don't know that's my uh my grandmother had a sulfur-crested cockatoo. A cockatoo. That's what I'm looking at. They're called sulfur-crested. They have like a yellow plume on the head. Cockatoo. Yeah, she's had a cockatoo. She loved it.

Yeah, my grandmother had a cockatoo. Yeah, the cockatoo outlived her, and then the cockatoo came to live with us. And my grandmother, like me, is, you know, pretty, she swore a lot. Aunt Constanta cockatoo. I got it from somewhere. And she used to watch the football a lot.

At once. And so when she'd, it's a common thing in Australia when you're watching the Australian football, if you have, if someone's holding onto the ball when they get tackled and they don't let go of it, then people yell, ball. And so we ended up with this cockatoo when she died, and this cockatoo would just yell, ball, all the time. So it'd just be like, ball, ball.

I swear my dad killed it because it was so annoying. I swear he just got a cigarette and broke its neck, to be honest. Those things live to be like 60 years old. Yeah. Have you seen that bird? Only if it doesn't fly into a metal pipe over and over and over. I watch these sailing YouTubers. I'll be super quick.

And one of them is a parrot. And it's pretty dope. Like, it adds the whole image of this guy circumnavigating the planet with his parrot. Because he's a part. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I'm sorry, Kyle. What were you saying?

That bird witnessed its owner being murdered. And so the bird now says, Don't shoot. Please don't shoot. It shoot please don't shoot it says don't effing shoot it's in the it's not funny it's one of the most awful things

I've ever heard because the bird like I said earlier they seem to be very intelligent it's all the bird says now because it's traumatized because it watched its best buddy, its owner, get killed. And the last thing it ever heard its buddy say was, don't fucking shoot.

So that's all he says now. That'd be funny if the parrot said, what are you going to do, fucking shoot me? I saw a video of an African grey parrot. This owner had two birds and they both hated each other. And the African grey was a lot smarter than the other one. And she was cooking a Cornish game hen or something for dinner. And apparently the African grey parrot looked at the Cornish hen and said the name of the other parrot.

And then she looked at him and then he started going like laughing it's like like it has a morbid sense of humor like that's fucking intelligent oh and then there's that other parrot the one that lived super long it's that I remember its last words are love you see you tomorrow love you

that's sad what a downer this is a yeah comedy podcast kyle what about the what about are there any birds that really had it coming that you know famous one no no i watched this whole documentary about roadrunner he's kind of an asshole he wasn't the coyote was just trying to eat right there's one of the wildlife park that you made that's uh there's a bird that's like 106 years old it has a letter from the queen kill me i am suffering like you notice he's getting dementia he doesn't remember any of those old phrases we taught him. Or it would be bad.

You have a 104-year-old bird in 2024. He's got a lot of vocabulary from 1951. Oh, shit. That's a racism joke. He never says this. You see a repairman about to come in. It's like, you know what? Let me put my dog.

The bird's Spanish. He's Spanish 100 he's 109 he just he just turned 109 bro this fucking bird is 109 years old there's no way there's any quality of life at 109 even the japanese looks pretty ragged all right god damn Well, this living bird. Who's keeping track of this? Some ornithologists everywhere. Some of the people who make it on those lists are lying through their no teeth. This is another one of your conspiracy theories

like the Helen Keller thing. Yeah, I mean, I'm right on that, and that's taken hold. You're so close to being a flat earther you need one shred of evidence and I believe you'd go overboard You think so? I think that shit is beyond retarded I think if you ever saw like a video that showed

you know the shadow on the earth's shadows on the moon you can see the earth's fucking round right there right? It only proves it's a circle not that it's a sphere Fair But you get my gist Like if you ever saw a video of it glitching and that it's a sphere. Fair. But you get my gist. Like, if you ever saw a video of it glitching,

and suddenly it was a perfect square up there, and then it went back. It's not even a flat Earth or a square Earthist. It's a square flat Earth. It's a tile. We're on a tile. We're on a tile. We're on a tile. In the kitchen.

In the kitchen, that is the cosmos. Yeah. That would be funny. i don't i don't think that one's ever gonna get me i think it's too absurd i'd have to see other planets that are not spheres why is everything else a fucking sphere why would we not be we're the center of the universe i don't want to talk about this again because as I've said so many times, they're just fucking trolling us. The people who believe in the flat earth have schizophrenia

and they also believe in any number of nonsense. Eddie Bravo has had a lot of concussions, Woody, and heavy drug use. And he knows how to get clicks. And you combine those three things together. Three things together. three things together and i

just can't put anything he says that's fair that's in normal context he's just a guy who i think genuinely believes it i've seen him wind alex jones up before i love it it's been on reddit a few times lately and when i see that he has that ability like like like to do that i imagine that perhaps he does that a little bit when he comes on. He's like, I want to be a good guest. Well, you get a lot of clicks when you say some crazy shit. So I'm going to go on there. I'm going to let them know. The Illuminati is in charge. Alex Jones was

telling the truth. Pizzagate 2024. They're sucking their sphagnum dry. There's this thing that Kyle just referenced. Alex Jones is on the Joe Rogan podcast. Eddie Bravo is there too. If I recall, it's just the three of them. Alex Jones is explaining that the Democrats want to kill babies after they're born, right? Post-delivery, I don't know, pocket knife, emperor, thumbs

up and down. And Eddie Bravo was like, that's not true. That has to be a conspiracy theory. At which Alex Jones goes bonkers. And he's like drawing on proof like a senator speaking in the house or something like that eddie bravo disregards the source because it's youtube and but it's like c-span or something but he's like god that's youtube that doesn't count and he's just going fucking nuts and at one point he's like eddie bravo you said you're fucking tough you're about to get it and my favorite part of all of it is eddie bravo is laughing it's the fun he's laughing in his face that is a man without a shred of concern eddie bravo if you don't know world champion brazilian

jiu-jitsu guy fighter just trained a couple not just and like an innovator in it like he's the he's like i invented a new. It's a leg slicer and it's a leg slicing pain move and a joint distressing move. So I can tear their knee out if their calf doesn't hurt them bad enough. So he's not afraid of Alex Jones at all. Yeah, exactly.

But that's my favorite part. I think Alex Jones might believe in his heart that he's got a good shot. But Eddie Bravo does not agree. And to see him laugh at the threat was my favorite part of that sequence he'd throw up a triangle and put him out in 20 seconds well i'm not familiar with eddie bravo but it sounds like he's a good guest if he's getting the other guy that brazilian jiu-jitsu coach yeah he's a he's a fun guy he he's about alex jones would be gas occasionally it's fun alex j Jones would be gassed occasionally. It's fun. Alex Jones would be gassed running at him six feet. Have you seen that video of Alex Jones

running? I remember one time this kid was talking shit to Alex Jones in public and Jones used to go around with a camera following him around in public and people would be like, fuck you, Alex Jones. He's like, fuck you, you communist son of a bitch. That's pretty good.

He's like, what are you going to do about it? i'll show you what i'm gonna do about it i'm gonna come at you with all the power of the blood of the christ the blood of the lamb and he just and he and all of a sudden he starts sprinting at this guy and it's like kind of like when a grizzly bear starts sprinting so big that you underestimate just how fast was he actually moving pretty good? That guy had to skedaddle. The guy started out in maybe first gear and immediately slipped her into third.

Was he holding his mic still as he's running? Do you guys think you could beat Alex Jones? No. Not if he's trained in fighting and shit. I don't know what his training is, but he's just so much bigger than me. I guarantee it's more than zero, which is my level of training.

I'd bounce his fucking bald head off the pavement. You think so? Not without technique. How big is he? I think he might know how to fight is the problem. He's a big fat old man. If you don't have any training, the difference between no training and six months or eight months of training,

it really is leagues. It really is just leagues. If somebody knows a couple of jiu-jitsu techniques and proper striking form and how to maintain distance, then you just want to leave that man alone. He can kill you. If he can wrestle and he can throw,

if he knows how to throw you or do a hip throw or something, we're in a parking lot. That man can kill you so fast. If you've ever been in a car accident and you got whipped and suddenly your grip was broken in a way that you didn't know it could be, that's how fast you die. You'll be flying through the air, unable to react,

and your head will be eating pavement because that's what they do. If he's a wrestler, that's what he's going to do to you. If he's a jujitsu guy, he might have fun testing out his calf slicer and rip your knee out in a way where it never works again. Or if he's a striker, he might just kill you because if you get one punch KO'd on the street and fall back and hit your head on the ground, you just die because our heads are made of shit.

Oh, it's wrap time? Is it wrap time? Okay. It is. When are we going to do a five-hour one? It's been a minute. It's been a minute? Don't even put that out there.

You commentate the UFC and do a five-hour one. It's more than five hours. We could record us watching all of the fights, and then that would force Taylor into watching like eight hours of UFC with us. That would actually be like kind of a fun thing to do. That could be a Patreon exclusive.

Then we would have a reason to buy the fight and write it off. Yeah. And also get really, really high. Woody's going to write it off, but he's going to steal it. A fight number. Creative accountant.

Slush, where can we find you? On Twitch. Slush Puppy on Twitch. Come and watch me make my giant inbred family on Crusader Kings. Link in the description. Check him out. Check out the stuff.

PKA 695.