Painkiller Already - PKA 704 W/ VINWIKI Chris: Cliff Jumping With Cars, Grizzly Bear Experience, Star Wars Acolyte Fails

Episode Date: June 15, 2024

pka 704 with our guest christopher michaels taylor this episode of pka is brought to you by blue chew and lock and load a couple of wonderful penis related sponsors that's our biz christopher we see people out there who don't have the optimal penis and we bring them the answer we bring them the how are your loads yeah we're in the juice biz can we help you well you know, you know, having had multiple relationships, apparently I'm lacking somewhere. So I'm sure everybody could use some help. What is the maximum lethal dose or the minimum lethal dose? And then how can we dial it back? I think that's probably what... We recommend to take as directed.

Just like it says on the back of the bottle. But you stay hydrated. You take all this. You'll be shooting ropes, my friend. Your next partner won't be able to leave you because she's going to be so sticky and have cum in her eyes. Blinded. There you go. Yeah. Hopefully it's not a bad thing.

They'll never invite me back to Shoney's again, I tell you that much. Shoney's is one of those restaurants that I thought was almost a South Park thing until I drove past one, probably in the South, and I'm like, it was like the Casa Bonita experience, where I didn't know Casa Bonita was a real place until driving through Colorado when I was like 15 or 16. I'm like, oh my God, this wasn't a joke. It's real. Shoney, same thing. I've never been to one. I've been many times, many times. Yeah. I used to have this little statue out front of this little guy. He was like the Shoney's big boy. He had this little-

Yeah, big boy. And I had a friend of mine in college that looked just like him. And we would try to get him to like, if we could find the overalls and get him to do, you know, he wouldn't go for it, but he looked just like him. It would have been hilarious. No big boy. Yeah. But yeah, back in the day, man, like in college,

we survived off of these like buffet style places. Of course, back then, you know, it's, you know, $4.99 all you can eat. And I mean, I can eat $60 for the bacon. So, you know, we'd go in there and hit those places on the weekend and basically just eat yourself into a food coma you're making five till monday and you know string it out to sunday you know look in the paper see what churches are having a you know a homecoming show up for that on sunday and potluck and oh yeah we were the masters of

just showing up and go to the cake yeah i'm to win that. Yeah, I'm Bob's grandson. Yeah, he passed away a few years ago, but I know he'd warm his heart to know I was here getting a big plate of fried chicken from y'all. What'd you go to school for? Not in crashes, but for food. I'm sorry? You said college. What'd you go to school for?

Well, I started out, this is a funny story. So I started out with an art degree, and I went to the University of Georgia, which was the cheapest art school you could go to. I had sold my truck. I sold everything I had. I went to night classes, was a construction worker all day, worked as a security guard at night and slept every third day. I was doing murals. I was doing like event security on the side. I was fixing people's cars. I mean, I was like, I had six jobs, whatever I could do to

stay in school. And the way they did it back then was you would do like two years of core art classes and you would keep all of that work. And then that would be submitted like a juried portfolio to be accepted into the fine art program or whatever. And I had aims. I wanted to be like a set painter in the movies and do all these cool backdrops and all that sort of like forced perspective stuff the things they did in star wars you know the paint on a piece of glass with the ship here and they filmed the people here and all of y'all thought that was interesting so anyway i did all that i'm two years in i am just giving till it hurts and my dormitory got flooded by some dude passed out drunk in a shower

like two floors above me and just proceeded to just literally fill the whole building so i come back and like i'm on like the eighth floor of a building two years where the drawings and paintings are like under a futon on the floor thinking that would be a safe place. Yeah. Wrong. They have all just melted into this big gloop of canvas and paper and paint and ink. And it was just destroyed. Abstract art now. Oh yeah. Abstract art.

And I still have some of it. Well, yeah, it's toast. So of course I'm devastated. I mean, I have been, you know,

college was not an easy financial thing for me to do. So I go to the art school and I'm like, Hey, look, you know, these submissions are in a couple of weeks. Can you give me like a short list of paintings or drawings to do something? Cause I'm obviously, I can't repeat two years of college at the level I've been doing it. And they were like, you know, sorry, kid, it wouldn't be fair to everybody else.

You're just going to have to start over or pick something else. And I was like, damn. So this is in like 1994. So about that time, that's right when Photoshop and all this digital stuff is coming on board. Disney's already got some of Pixar's kind of coming up. So I mean, digital graphics are starting to happen. So I had a friend of mine who was an art student with me and he he was like, hey, man, maybe you could change it up to something different.

I was like, man, I'm a painter. I'm a sculptor. I can't. What else am I going to do? I'm not going to be like a veterinarian or a lawyer or something. So he said, well, there's a computer up at the art building that will draw a picture, somebody said. And I was like, screw that, man. I don't want to fool with that but you know I don't remember what it was but I was just kind of you know sitting outside having that

soul-searching moment what am I going to do and I was like well you know this computer thing is coming and I can either be at the front of it or back of it so I went in there one night just you know evening classes and turned it on and it was like photoshop one it was like before they even had layers or anything it was just moving colors around and i just started poking it with a stick you know in my mind it was gonna look like you know that money for nothing dire straits video or tron or something it was gonna be these like blocky you know video game stuff but i got in there and i realized i could actually make some art that did not look like it came out of a computer i could still make all these colors and things work.

So I ended up quitting the security job and just messed with it at night. I kept doing the construction job by day and, you know, going to evening classes and started staying up all night, just in there messing with it and got where I could make some actual art. And I was like, all right, well, this is pretty cool. You know, maybe I could use this to get into movie special effects. So I looked around. There was not a degree program

for that. But the same friend that told me about the computer, he was doing this thing of kind of like scientific illustration, where it was like kind of a dual degree, you were like part in like the biology department, and then part art department. So I started looking around, and I was like, okay, well, you know, there's the theater theater department at UGA has like a like a screenwriting and directing and, you know, movie degree. And then there's the studio art degree at the art building. So I went to the college and I just said, hey, you know, can I like do this? Can I make up my own major and do this? And they're like, well, you know, you can't do that unless you got to get like the Board of Regents on board.

You got to get professors to sponsor you. You've got to get some clearance, like the state, like whatever the state board that determines like how many credit hours you got to have to be an accredited degree in the state program, that kind of stuff. So I really just was like, all right, let's do it. So I just put my boots on and started calling people and writing letters and hanging out in the hallway outside of people's offices and bugging the shit out of them. And finally got a couple of professors that were like, well, I don't really give a shit about what you're trying to do, but you know, I've got this side project and if you'll do the graphics for

that, I'll sign on and be your guy. So I pretty much just hustled this degree together and basically made up a movie special effects degree and was the first person in the state of Georgia to graduate with that. And, you know, there were some other people kind of doing the same thing. We all kind of I was the first one in, but we all kind of figured it out as we went. And so I went to do that and I went on to do movie special effects. So, yeah, that was my that was what my college degree was in was basically art classes. And it allowed me to like write out like foreign languages and a bunch of stuff that I didn't find interesting. I just filled in with more studio art. So I pretty much just did kind of a self-guided tour.

There was a couple of professors who were turned out to be really cool people and kind of helped me with, you know, writing grants and getting some computer equipment, stuff like that. And I don't know shit about computers and still do not. I'm an artist, but I just figured out how to make art with a computer. And, and again, at this point, whether, you know, it's a blowtorch or a paintbrush or a spray can or a mouse, you know, I can, I can make art with what's in my head. The computer is just another tool to do it. You owe a lot to that dude whose, whose butt cheek blocked the shower drain. You know, as a matter of fact, he did, because if that hadn't happened,

I probably would have slogged it out with the old school, traditional art skills, which, you know, honestly going to art school, you know, there were a lot of people there that didn't really have to have a job. You know who else went to art school?

What did you, what did you study? What was your was your focus no i'm in hitler dude i'm loving this tale of yeah it is a great thing about him like you know i can't get the trees right i'm gonna kill everybody as an artist when you see his paintings are you like this isn't very good oh well hitler stuff you mean yeah yeah it was yeah there was some crappy landscapes i can't remember i saw one in person somewhere in europe one time i can't remember where can you pull something up it was a big meeting the art meeting we've talked about it and kyle if i recall kyle thinks they're pretty good i do but i've said before like they

they're good enough to be like the stock landscape in a Marriott, like a double queen room. That's the limit, though. If I pass that in an art gallery, I just keep walking. Come on, Taylor. Is that really a Hitler? Okay, fine. This is better than the other ones. But even so, this isn't like, oh, wow.

If I made that, you would be complimenting me. You would be like, Woody, you are the benefit of low expectations and this has blown my mind. That's true. If I painted this, I would show it off. But if I were a professional artist, see, like this one.

The lighting's not bad in that one. I've not seen that one there. His age is so important with these. Because if you tell me that a 30-year-old man who studies his whole life did this, I'd be like, okay. Give me 10 years and I'll do the same, making this my passion.

But if you tell me he was 14 and he did this on a lark one afternoon, it's like, okay, well, that's talent. Was he 14 when he did this? That was 1913. I don't know Hitler age. Zach says 20-ish. 20s?

You could give me a lifetime when I don't know Hitler age. Zach says 20-ish. If he's 21 when he's doing this. You could give me a lifetime and I couldn't do this. If you forced me to be an artist, like something with skill, I'd have to find a workaround. That's sick. That's kind of a Bob Ross looking sort of thing there, actually.

I'd become an artificial intelligence artist. That'd be my trick. I'm going to get a bit of voice prompts. We are just going to add a happy little bush here. It's the most successful modern... Kind of a Hogwarts-looking thing there, but the lighting on that one is actually quite well

done. I think that's really nice. It reminds me of the anti-Thomas Kincaid. He could have been the painter of darkness. The painter of darkness. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Okay.

Those were better than I remembered them being, but still like not art, not something you'd see in the art museum. Not his best work in life. Nothing's going to inspire you. But I tell you, you mentioned AI though, you know,

I've done a lot of work the last, you know, 15 years doing like concept drawings for people, you know, somebody will call me up like, okay, I've got a 72 of work the last 15 years doing concept drawings for people. Somebody will call me up like, okay, I've got a 72 Plymouth Duster, but I want to know what it would look like as some sort of a JDM style type of thing, Bozo Zoku style, or could you do a board track racer, but I have an old BMW, but put a modern this on it. I would come up with these big concept drawings, and now you can just hop on AI and just be like, AI, show me

a Buick Grand National with an El Camino rear end on it, and boom. It might have six headlights or something you've got to tweak on it, but it's going to decimate what's already taken a dent out of my income, but it's going to decimate traditional art and songwriters and writers and copywriters and radio hosts and everything. And, you know, people are like, oh, but it's free. I'm like, yeah, you're just teaching it to do us better than we do. Like, stop doing that.

Yeah. Someone made a clip with AI. Like someone made a clip of this show with AI that we listened to. Someone linked it to us in a hangout. And it was wild how the cadence of all of us was exactly right and like they weren't real conversations we had they just sounded like it and i was like oh damn this is this is actually pretty good and it picks it up so quickly i had a friend of mine fed it about, I don't know,

it was five or 600 lines of there's like three of us in this little Facebook chat thing. And we just, you know, talk shit to each other and all that. He fed it about 500 lines of that. And it spit out like what it was like some conversation with us. And it really, you know, one guy is always a little more scatological with his humor. The other guy's a little more you know technical you know i'm good with like one-liners and punt like it was like identifying our person

like personality types in our responses and i was like unplug that and kill it with a stick man like not get all like skynet matrix on you but like if nothing else even if there is no evil intent you know i heard some lady on tiktok or something one day was talking about Skynet matrix on you, but like, if nothing else, even if there is no evil intent, you know, I heard some lady on TikTok or something one day was talking about, you know, how, you know, she wants computers to like do the dishes and file her taxes. So she can spend more time doing art and music, not have computers do art and music. So she's got more time to do the dishes. They can come up with a really common machine that does the dishes for you. Yeah. We can call it a

dishwasher that's a great idea but but all of it is it's the creative people i mean and i'm sure i'm just looking at it from that you know relatively myopic viewpoint i'm you know accountants everybody else out there but you know when you have ai that's writing songs you know let me hear baby got back as if Elvis performed it, you know, to be able to just speak that into a microphone and have it spit out of there. You know, a friend of mine, I have friends who are authors. I have friends who are speech writers,

people who are copywriters and ad writers, people who host shows like this, people who do art like me. You know, I'm sort of hanging on to the sculptures at least, because at least as of yet, AI is not plugged into some 3D printer that can kick out some sculpture of mine. It should be.

It's only a matter of time. It just needs one of those matrices that you know that thing you put on your head with all the pins and on the other end, it just needs one of those with a lot higher resolution, right? They'll figure it out. I'm okay with the I really do like the songs part of

like i heard an ai song of homer simpson singing zombie by the cranberries and it was like it was so funny i was like okay i'm good with this kind of ai this part of it hurt us yeah but that's just like a shadow of though because i remember like 25 ago, I think it was like South park did like Cartman singing, come sail away by sticks, which was just hysterical. But you know, but just as it becomes more and more so, like,

okay. The premise you just talked about, you know, to have Homer Simpson doing this cranberry song, like look at somebody like weird Al Yankovic, who has brought untold joy and laughter to millions of people over the last 35 years doing all these spoof covers. Well,

you know, do we need, we're not Yankovic anymore. If I can just be like, Hey, give me a honky talk version of boys in the hood, which actually somebody has done that. But,

you know, either way, like it, it all just, I mean, not, I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist. I immediately pictured that it's a different kind of hood they're wearing.

There was a band called The Gourds, I believe, did that. They did Gin and Juice and Boys in the Woods. Light up your torches, put on your masks. This is an intense song. Hang on, I'll be back. I want you to go down the conspiracy side of it. That's always fun. I want you to go down the conspiracy side of it.

That's always fun. Well, you know, conspiracies, it's so easy to get lost down that rabbit hole. I'm sure a lot more of them than we would like to think are true. But, you know, and then sometimes I look at a lot of them thinking like, if you were doing something sketchy, the best way to disguise it would be through a bunch of conspiracy theories that are close but not quite this information yeah exactly so that point people are gonna think i've heard that before it's all you know it's the aliens and bigfoot conspiring to you know get my pin number you know like that'd be a good way to disguise it but uh from a conspiracy standpoint i I think it's, it's maybe not even a conspiracy in that there is willful intent. It's more like,

have y'all seen Wally? You know, the deal Pixar movie with little robot, beautiful movie. I love that movie. It's my, one of my favorite silent films, like the people in that movie that come in,

like the second act, you know, they're all in these hover chairs. They're like babies. They can barely walk. Watch that movie on a cruise ship. Yeah, exactly. Like I'm less than a conspiracy.

Like, and then there's some higher power going to get us all enslaved by AI. I just am concerned that like humanity in general is just going to, or at least developed humanity is just going to slowly get lazier and lazier and stop being creative. Kind of like with, you know, and I'm guilty of this, all the shorts and reels and TikTok, all these little short form video content. I don't want to sit through a 10 minute video anymore that, you know, for a while it was, I'm not going to watch an hour long documentary on Iwo Jima. I'm going to watch a 10-minute Fat Electrician video

that's just as funny. And then now those are suffering because there's a 60-second short somewhere. I'm just kind of concerned if we in general are just going to get so used to just going, you know, chat GPT, find me something to eat for dinner. And it'll do it.

And we're just going to become the people in Wally. We're just going to stop thinking. We're going to stop breaking rules. We're going to stop breaking rules. We're going to stop. Woody had a math question today. He's got an aquarium. He needed to put some formula in it and get this copper level to a certain point. And he had some of the factors, but he didn't know the answer exactly.

He actually did, but he wanted his math to check. And he plugged it into, I think, Bing's AI. And I was on my end driving, plugging it into chat GPT, and both of them were so wrong that it would have killed anything and everything that was involved with the program had lives been dependent on the dosage of copper we were putting in that tank. And I gave him an answer. I was like, this.

And then I looked at the answer. I was like this. And then I looked at the end. I was like, no, not that. But I believed it. Like I was so trusting in chat GPT that when it spat out that wrong answer, I didn't even consider that the answer. I thought you were joking with your first answer. I didn't know that you had used AI. So basically the question was like, hey, 30 milliliters raises 20 gallons to 2.5 parts per million i need to raise 10 gallons by 0.1 parts per million what are you getting and kyle instead of 30 put back like 28

and i'm like oh he's fucking with me you know because that doesn't pay if 30 does two and a half and twice the volume of water no way is 28 it yeah and uh taylor my wife loved your joke he said he specializes in train departure and arrival time word problems. And didn't even try. I'm glad. Yeah. But the AI failed on both extents with that. And I plugged it.

I, like, copy pasted your question. And it still got it very wrong. I rephrased it until Bing was like, I'm no longer allowing you to ask me. Damn. Bing getting lazy. Now, I also saw the. longer allowing you to ask me. Damn, Bing getting lazy. I also saw the... I didn't know that. AI covers so many different types of tools,

but I saw the one that just sort of makes videos, and they compared last year's version with this year's version, and last year's was the one of the guy eating spaghetti, and his fingers were like melting and stuff, and we were all laughing at it. Yeah, yeah.

Yes, Will Smith. And this new version, it's like, I thought that was a video of an Asian man eating noodles. I thought that was a real Asian man eating noodles. You can't tell anymore. The fingers aren't going squidward and scooting off. You can see a sixth knuckle under one hand as he's eating and that's it.

I'm glad you said that because I wasn't 100% sure that they weren't tricking me with a video. That someone didn't film their Asian cousin and try to convince me that's how far AI had come. I wonder if at some point they'll have to be like a disclaimer on certain

videos to let you know that it's not a real person. Because, you know, I mean, I mean, somebody eating noodles is is pretty innocuous. But I mean, think of like the celebrity porn fake potentials with this sort of stuff. You know, artists, public figures, people would have to find some way of like controlling their image. My mind goes to politics, right? I just instantly have my opponent on a racist tirade, you know, an unpopular position, who knows what. Maybe I have Trump in the back room secretly being pro-choice,

whatever it would cost him votes and put it out there. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's no longer like guys driving around with fake type R badges on their car. Like you can just completely, you can just completely synthesize anything. If I worked for the Trump campaign, that's what I'd do. Of course. I would leak backroom audio of him speaking lucidly, clearly, commandingly, intelligently.

He'd drop the whole this, that, that and the other act and he'd be like that he'd be on the money he'd be he'd be bill clinton personified like talking about the middle east ronald and then you leak that oh that'd be great if anything the politicians are hoping it ai gets better faster so that if like a video of some politician giving head on the blinkin memorial then five years comes out they're like lindsey graham what are you great that was not me it looked like me but it wasn't it's like oh lindsey i guess we have to believe you now you old you old old ladybug yeah well i wonder what the evolution of this will be. You know, at some point, will AI get good enough that it will be demanding, you know, voting rights or demanding to have an identity? You know, could there be some point where some AI is running for office? Because, you know, I mean, obviously, maybe it doesn't have a physical body, but people are so used to interacting with these different AIs that at some point are they going to want? This gets into like

this is kind of turning into like that Philip K. Dick, do androids dream of electric sheep, which I believe turned into Blade Runner. At some point, we used to worry about are androids going to get so good, they're going to want to have rights and their own identities. We don't even need the body at this

point. It's just this ghost in the machine in a way of something. So I just wonder if at some point there'll be some, it'll just be three AI candidates running for each other. I don't know. I read a book that opened with this premise. You know how you have yourself cryogenically frozen? He did that, but he had himself stored as a computer program.

And then later on when they awoke the program, he thought what he signed up for was to put himself on a body to live in the future, to watch his investments grow for, you know, whatever, 300 years, etc. What he actually woke up to was that these programs that were stored became servants of the current generation of living people. And you could choose to serve them and perform their menial tasks or they would just delete you and that was what the choice that he woke up to nice yeah it's a terrifying harrowing position to be in i am also sometimes skeptical because i remember the russians showed off their most advanced new robot and there was a guy in a suit. You know what I mean? This wasn't Tesla? No. Did Tesla do the same?

Yes. Dancing Android. And then in China a while back hilariously the most cute thing ever, the cute fake ever was those Pomeranian puppies they had painted to be panda cubs. Oh, we have so many panda cubs.

It's just like, aww. You, we have so many panda cubs. You know what? I'm not even mad. Look at those little fuckers. This is better than pandas. Give me one. This panda bites. Is this the youngest panda I've ever seen in my life? I had no idea a panda would just stand in the corner of the carport and bark at its own echo for an hour. This panda humps me constantly. I didn't think pandas were like this. Oh, yeah.

They're the best. Supposedly, Nikola Tesla made a remote-controlled boat that he unveiled at some World's Fair or something like that. And, you know, using, you know, radio-controlled signals. And people just kept insisting that there was, like, a trained monkey in there or there were wires. Like, people just could not get their head around the wireless technology. And they thought it was just some, some scam. It's kind of come full circle now where it's like, Dude, that guy was like,

when you read the history of how much he was just like, he was right about so much, but he was just bullied, just bullied by Edison. Like they did the equivalent today if he's like i invented something kind of neat and they're like shut up incel you fucking loser you get no pussy dude you get no pussy you're sitting there you know look at your your uh your technique for electricity is killing elephants oh yeah i mean that was edison i think at one point put like some of course he claimed it was some sort of hyperbole,

but he was like, I'll give $20,000 to whoever can come up with this, whatever, some kind of switching relay problem or something. And like, so it was like next morning or something, Tesla rolls in like, yo, here you go. And he was like, I didn't really mean that. Yeah. I'll take it. I'll take that and take a look. Yeah. Publicly electrocuting elephants and pets and doing all this smear campaign stuff on Tesla. He wanted people to know that direct current was how dangerous it was and deadly it was. Any current

is dangerous if you shock the shit out of something with it. I just don't like seeing them kill those elephants. I don't understand. I started looking into it because Donald Trump did that gibberish rant about the electric boats. Did you see that? Yeah, I sure did.

My goodness. There's no reason for him not to have a working teleprompter. I don't get it. When he gets up there and it breaks and there's not a NASCAR pit crew of tech guys running up and bringing in a whole new podium. I don't know how that happens was he talking about like a big boat with a powerful electrical engine sinking and him getting shocked by it you get electrocuted because there was a shark 10 yards away and he's like he's asking some guy he keeps repeating again and again no one's ever asked this question they said no one ever has this

question i think maybe it's my connection to mit his uncle taught at mit that's a polite way to be like i'm baffled by the idiocy i saw like speaking of ai and some of it being funny i haven't seen trump do that monologue but someone put it into you know that monologue on jaws where the guy's like yes 15 men went into the water only one came out of the water like It was that but him saying all that shit from Trump. He told me it was a wonderful question and I'd never been asked that before. He said, I'm a genius.

He said, what if a boat goes down and there's a very powerful sort of incredible magnetic engine of electricity on it, but there's a shark 10 yards away. What if I, should I i take and then at the end i guess trump ended it by saying i'd take the electricity i wouldn't want to deal with the shark i want the electricity of the shark too i don't know the answer to his question i want to

be like oh you're so stupid but a low-key why is it i can touch the two poles of a battery like a dc battery and it's nothing yet when i do it a wrench, it's a really big deal right away. Why does AC kill me but DC is fine? But DC fucking hates wrenches, I can tell you that for sure. I'm confused. Well, it has to do with the amperage more than the voltage. You know, DC, when you touch it with your hands, for example, you have the car battery, there's there's i mean your body is a

conductor but there isn't enough amperage in that battery to push through the resistance of like your doesn't a battery of like 650 cold cramping amps and uh ac have like 15 amps it's almost yes but okay i'm doing a poor job explaining it but like the the voltage is so much higher you're cramming more energy into a given wavelength like that battery yes if you cross those terminals with a wrench you've closed that circuit with the metal because the dc can push the metal conducts well enough that it allows the current to flow on the dc Whereas if you grab it on your, at your house, you know, that car battery is, let's see, what's the way to put it? It's cold cranking amps, but it's in a small battery. Whereas like,

think about like water like as a, as a hose. Like if I take a, like a bucket with a two inch hose and I turned the water on, you know, that water's going to blast you in the face. But if I hook it to the bottom of a hydroelectric dam with a billion gallons of water behind it that force is going to come there's so much more power pushing it through so like that little battery doesn't have it has it's like getting slapped but it's not getting slapped by a truck so you're not catching as much current because i mean i've i've lit myself up with you know 12 volt and 24 volt plenty of times you just don't have enough there's not enough power behind

it whereas when you tap into like a welder or a dryer plug or something at your house you have you know high tension lines carrying you know thousands and thousands of volts pushing it down to you. I'm probably an actual electrician. The voltage is what's pushing the amperage, right? The voltage is pushing the amperage. So you've got a 12-volt battery pushing a lot of amps, but the resistance from your skin, it can't push that amperage into your body, whereas something like a metal wrench, very conductive, and it immediately shorts.

And your wall is kind of the opposite. You've got all that voltage and not a whole ton of amperage but coming through a copper wire and it's continuous i think in this speed i'm sorry in the water analogy the voltage is the speed that that's flowing through the hose and the amperage is the diameter of the hose and yes voltage times amperage is watts but in this case it would be gallons and that's the parallel but i don't i'm still a little bit like why is it voltage seems to work with bad conductors better than amperage does i don't know back to the boat uh i don't know i'll take the question is like how that works yeah i don't know what happens i know when you get those um like lithium

ion big car batteries wet they they have a meltdown, right? I've seen so many of them do that crazy fire that looks like science fiction, that blue crazy fire. They have to have a special firefighting kit to deal with electric car fires. Yeah. A buddy of mine is a firefighter, and they've had to deal with that a few times. Because the lithium, it's almost like a fuel. It's the difference in like with gasoline, it's the gas vapor that's burning not the liquid fuel whereas like a diesel it's the actual fuel same thing with those lithium batteries like it when it catches fire that

becomes like a literal fuel it doesn't need to like blend with the atmosphere to burn like it would burn in a vacuum or underwater we actually had to deal with that recently uh in about a week we're going to take the junkyard cars back to alaska to throw them off the cliff again for the fourth of july which is nice absolutely awesome thing we do what's the drop off that cliff um it's about 400 feet 350 feet i mean it's enough like it's a real drop yeah yeah it's yeah we're not just throwing them off the back of your grandmother's carport it's about 40 stories down there the when you see it on online the it's kind of a forced perspective if somebody's at the bottom looking at it it looks very compressed but it is a good couple hundred yards from the base that clip anybody ever base jump off that thing i don't think so i mean you i want to be on top of the car i want to be on the car that

races over the edge and then jump like it's grand theft auto or something and pull my shoe oh that'd be cool that would be that would be pretty rad i mean we got enough hang time on the truck the last time that you could have done that easily the first there's about maybe a 80 or 100 foot vertical drop and then you kind of hit like this debris field all the stuff that's crumbled off over the years and then it levels out. Oh yeah, man, it is so wild.

So that car, some of, I missed it last year. I was up in Prudhoe Bay, Alaska doing a different thing in Alaska last year. But somebody as ours took this Jurassic park Explorer and you can see like, like it's landing the level of the river down there. So like it's,

it's a, it's a drop. Yeah, it is. It is one of the most rock star things. That car is going to hit at the same level as those people in that water you see down there.

It is violent. It's so awesome. Jay Roberts, who has the... Any drug use down there? Or do they keep it clean Any drug use down there, or they keep it clean? I have never seen anything. That looks like a party crowd. I'm joking.

It looks like somebody's passing around a fucking balloon of nitrous. I've never seen any drug use, or at least you can't prove I have. Yeah. Everything I have seen up there has been straight up. So that whale came off the top of that car, and we were, like, taking numbers. If somebody else would hit the whale, and sure enough, they did. Yeah, it is hilarious. So Jay Roberts, his friend of mine, he's one of the cannonballers.

And, you know, we're over here, this side. I'm backwards there. So Jay has the nonstop record and the self-drive record in a Prius. As Ed Bolian said, he's like the Valentino Balboni of the Prius. Like he has done multiple runs in this Prius, you know, big fuel tank. He's got an off-road Prius. Like Jay's just a cool dude. He was, he had this old junker Prius and he was going to take it up there with us this year and yeet it off the cliff with these other cars were taken.

But because of that battery pack pack, it just wasn't safe because if that battery pack were to rupture upon impact, there's just not a way handy to put it out down there. So they had to pull the plug on launching the Prius because of that lithium battery pack. Yeah. But it's going to be a rad trip. It wouldn't be safe for the crowd.

It wouldn't be safe for the crowd, but I'd like to see the cars explode midair. There's this famous video from the Mideast where a car drives over an anti-tank mine, and it launches the car way up in the air, and it's tumbling as it goes, and there's a little bit of a smoke trail as it goes. And it turns out it was a suicide bomber. And as it reaches its apex, and i mean like a movie director said and now it explodes and you get this double boom at the at the apex of the car just going

into a million pieces and it's so cool it's i saw a video too that that was like almost like one of those like roadrunner cartoon level of like timing like the same thing just go along and yeah that was some violence i mean the arnie the guy that runs the cliff launch thing up there you know he's super safety conscious when you see the videos you know the way the lens kind of compresses things it looks like people are right up on it it's a couple of hundred yards i mean you couldn't i don't know i mean if you launched a mclaren or a hellcat or something off there you might hit the crowd but the gravel surface up top is so loose you couldn't put enough traction down to really get that kind of speed. But he's always been very safety conscious, like there's no power.

Because we were going to like, hey, we're going to throw some Tannerite in there. We were kind of all these bad ideas. And they were like, no, like no explosives. There is just enough gas in that car to get it off of the hill. All the other fluids are drained. All, you know, the glass has been removed. Anything loose, you know, spotlights, any other part that could fly off. Also, like, I had this idea of, like, wouldn't it be fun to, like, send off an RV and have a bunch of, like, mannequins in there?

Like, they're all cooking breakfast and sitting on the toilet. And he's like, no, like, nothing that, like a kid might see and miss chase or a person. Well, no, they're cool. I mean, they've got an awesome thing going on. You have to say that, but I'll let you know. Yeah. Your idea was great. And it's a shame they shut it down.

Well, you know, it is such a fun event. And it is the I mean, Glacier View, Alaska is about an hour from Palmer, which is probably about the only real city out there in central Alaska. And they got a good thing going on, and I totally understand they're not wanting to mess it up. But, you know, it's a family-friendly thing, and they keep it clean, and rightfully so. It's a fun event. You know, I was heartbroken I missed it last year,

and if I had not been doing something else equally cool, I would have found a way. But we're heading out again this week, the end of next week, actually. Actually, I partnered up with these guys, RMJ Tactical. I picked them up as a sponsor, and I used one of their tomahawks on the last trip to do some sketchy stuff. So they hooked us up to get up there again. We have an ambulance and a minibus and a minivan

and a Chevy Cavalier are what we are launching this year. Has anybody ever like armored up a car like a mini contest to see like whose can survive the best? So Finnegan and Freiburger from Roadkill tried that a few years ago. It didn't work. I was talking with Hot Wheels a couple of weeks ago and i was hitting them up to see if they were into sponsoring something you know mattel is super cool company but that doesn't really fit their brand you know their thing is all about like building tough indestructible toys not things that get destroyed and i could see that but that kind of got my idea

spinning though of like yeah what if we could build a car that would survive the drop? Because there's about a hundred foot drop, but you land on this kind of a 45 degree slope of like gravel and kind of sand and stuff like that, which absorbs a lot of energy. In 2022, there was a Dodge Dakota that you probably could have driven out of there if F-150 hadn't landed on it like a lawn dart. But it just kind of hit and kind of gentle roll and it was beat up i think if you chained the axles where like you didn't get like a hyper extension and rip the axles out of it if you

chain the axles to the frame and roll cage the crap out of it i bet you could drive something out of there i mean it just depends if you land on the slope and tumble yeah if you make it all the way to the flat no i mean you're hitting you know 40 story vertical drop onto a rock face i mean it's just gonna rip the engine internals out and shatter everything but i'm surprised hot wheels didn't want to get on board because i'm just if you had a especially if you had a loop at the top of the hill where you you get something like that but the way to do that is two cars you know you're gonna destroy it you do it like it's the blues brothers you're gonna need or the um dukes of hazard you're going to need yeah the hero car and

the sacrificial one now you know with 20 000 people watching you know it's it's all very like you know sitting around waffle house coming up with crazy ideas it seems very technical but when you're there it's very like gladiatorial. Like, you know, it is it's just they're blasting rock and roll music through the PA system. There's 20,000 people screaming their heads off. We're all up at the top. You know, we have just sojourned these crap box cars for thousands of miles, fixing them with parts on the side of the road and bumming stuff off of people and just getting them there and like almost not making it and all the trials and tribulations, you know, when we sent the truck off, I think we, we launched a Dodge charger police car, a Jaguar and F-150 that year. Like, you know, we put a Iron Maiden CD in the truck, cranked it,

pulled the knob off, just sent it to Valhalla. And like in situation, it's just this very like emotional like smashing a guitar kind of thing. And all the technical stuff just goes out the window. You just want to see your car fly. You want to watch it get destroyed. You hope it's going to make the leg. You want it to fly cool.

It's just such a visceral experience. When the Jag went off, that was one of the – I may have told this story the last time I was on here, but the Jag went off just the coolest way. We tried to make the truck and the Jag hit in midair, which of course didn't happen. Truck gets this beautiful arch, just lands and comes apart like the Challenger when it hits.

The Jaguar, we've been having all kind of like fuel pump issues and Matt, our mechanic was just awesome keeping that thing going. And so the Jag goes off at that point they pretty much just attached like a little paint jar of gas to the top of the engine just enough to get it off and it had a small block chevy in it we'd cut the exhaust manifolds like off it just off at the engine basically so it's just raw dogging it right in car goes off you know vh just screaming wide open it just floats through the air as the car noses down it just like breaks in half and the engine just rips apart from the transmission with its own fuel supply still attached oh sick it just like rips open it is

like uh it's like an indiana jones and the guy like shows his heart to him you know like yeah the heart of this the car just breaks in half the engine goes flying it's still got its own fuel supply so there's like flames shooting out just valves floating it is screaming it is about to explode it hits in the edge of the lake like the water just shatters it you know there's just fire and noise and the car still tumbling down the mountain 20 000 people are like screaming in slow motion. There's heavy metal music blasting. We're all at the top, just devil horns and

hugging each other and laughing and crying. That was the last car. Right after it hit, everybody just rushed the field and all the fans down there just tearing parts of the car off. It's just such a America rock and roll kind of experience that all the jokes and funny things that would have been cool just goes out the window.

And you just are just hugging your friends and just jumping up and down. And it's awesome. It is a fun event. If you ever get a chance to participate, please go do it. It is so fun. And it's not hard to do. Just get some car that you can afford to throw off a cliff which for us is about a five to seven hundred dollar car and if you go in with like four dudes you're in it for about a buck fifty

a piece yeah yeah just saying it man it is by itself it's hilarious i saw a motorcycle the other day that had a small block chevrolet and it's like how much the guy asked me like how much horsepower you put in that thing 1,100 he's just straddling a 427 4 square inches of contact patch on the rear tire it was a twin turbo 427 or some shit and he's riding that bitch down the highway

like that company is called Boss Hoss I rode one of those years ago it's made by a company called Boss Hoss and you know the engines are I mean yeah they make a lot of power but yeah like you said you can't put that much power down to the tire what's scariest about them to me is that there's no transmission like there's not enough room so they pretty much just have a clutch and you just disengaged when you there's no neutral it's like when you roll up to a red light like you just have

to pull the clutch in and disengage the engine from the drivetrain and hope that clutch holds. Because if it doesn't, you're just going to get heated. Like there's no way to stop it. They're being mad for like a CVT. Like that's what it should have. It's just like a, you know, it's got that thing that expands and contracts instead of a gearbox. Yeah, that would work. Yeah, just packaging at that point, just squeezing it in there.

But yeah, those things. Lino's got that crazy one that's got the the v10 out of the the dodge right like the biker uh engine oh yeah that's right that thing's called the uh the tomahawk yeah that that's a cool do we see a picture of jay leto's tomahawk zach it's fucking sick i remember and it's actually four wheels but they're all tucked together. And he was a cool dude. He was on the Hot Wheels show with us. And I ran into him at SEMA too. Just like absolutely down-to-earth guy. It's like that. Jay Leno was

like, did you get to drive any of his fancy cars? Oh, no, no. He drove one of ours, but no. He was just, he came as, he was like our celebrity judge. Oh, yeah, that thing is just, that is one of the coolest looking motorcycles. Isn't that the Batman motorcycle from the christian bale movies chrome similar concept yeah that sort of hub center steering thing yeah this looks easier to drive than a normal motorcycle yeah yeah the christian bale one is in the vault at the

peterson museum in la yeah i love it better than. The Robert Pattinson Batman had like a Honda 750 Cafe Racer. Yeah, yeah, the old school. That was a cooler bike. Yeah, I thought the Batmobile from that movie, I think, was one of the cooler Batmobiles too. It was just like a trophy truck. You know, it just seemed... I liked that movie a lot.

Like a lot of people hated on it. I loved it. I saw Robert Pattinson, the Harry Potter kid. No, no, he's not Harry Potter. He's the Twilight kid. Okay, I never saw that. Oh, he was in Harry Potter too. You're right, you're right.

He was Cedric Diggory. I used to hate on that guy because he was a twilight guy in high school it was like why do you want that fruity vampire guy like it was weird that girls were into that and it was uh but but as his career has gone on he's a tremendous actor in lighthouse uh in the king uh he's very very good and as batman i loved him i like him way better than ben affleck's goofy dimpled he's got a dimpled chin under that mask. You'd be like, wait a minute. This is like a 1 out of 100 type...

It'd be like if Batman had a big burned chin or something. A scar across his face. You'd pick him out of a crowd. Batman has vitiligo. We've got this narrowed down. He's got that one neck tattoo with the Joker on it.

Yeah, the Harley Quinn neck tattoo. But yeah, I agree with you. I thought that Batman movie, I mean, A, the car was much more realistic seemingly, but yeah, he just seemed a little more like he was just some crazy rich kid that kind of had this alter ego. It wasn't this glossy,

I'm going to save the world. I like my Batman to be depressed. which made it a much more interesting character i like my batman to be mentally ill he should be because he because the idea is mentally ill like you can't have a well adjusted sort of go out in the town yeah i'm bruce wayne oh i'm a cool guy that can't happen he has to be a weird fucking loner who's brooding all the time, sitting around mopey and covered in scars if this thing's going to work. And that's why I like Robert Pattinson

in that role. He was a little bit small. I'm upset with the way they portrayed Batman's parents. Like his victims. Weren't they? I thought they got mugged and killed. Hear me out. If you wear a fur coat, pearls, and a tuxedo, and a fancy watch, and you go strolling down a place at night called Crime Alley,

that's on you, fuck shit. You're an idiot. Well, that didn't happen in the Robert Pattinson movie. That's fair. I agree. I really don't like him anymore. I don't mean to victim blame, but you're dressed down for Crime Alley. The only thing I didn't like about the Robert Pattinson

one was, other than it wasn't quite as exciting as the Christian Bale ones. I never saw the Ben Affleck one. At least Christian Bale committed to be Batman the same way he committed to be Dick Cheney. He got fat as shit to be Dick Cheney. He got skinny. He almost

died doing The Machinist. And then he got ripped to be Batman. And Robert Pattinson, didn't he say in interviews, like, I'm not gonna get jacked. And it's like, bitch, that's a huge part of this. So he's pretty jacked. I know that he refused. Can we see a picture?

I watched the movie last night, to be fair. Oh, fuck. You can't still. I saw it once when it came out and I was kind of paying attention yeah 12 hours since i last watched it it's been it's been 12 hours since i watched the three-hour batman movie and i was taking special note of his physique during it and i did think to myself this guy's like a 150 pounder if he's in the ufc or something he looks. This isn't the guy who can take on three to four men. I would rather have, just physically speaking, the guy from Reacher as Batman, some 6'4", 6'5", Goliath.

Although then you do get into that thing where it's like, who could it be? No, no. There's four guys that look like this. Three of them were on WWE Live last night. Reacher's a better detective than Batman. It is a little different. As a big, chunky guy myself, though,

it slows you down. If you jump off a building and you whip the cape out to glide it in, if you're a buck fifty, that's a whole lot different than if you're 227 with some size 14 Batman boots on. That's fair. You're going to be sneaking like a treasure trove.

I like the patents of Batman because he's more of a detective and way less of a Bruce Wayne in this movie. He's there with the police in the room looking at evidence and solving things instead of that in the shadows vigilante who's just running from everything. I dug it. That's one of my

favorite Batman. If you're a detective in new york gotham city yeah you worked you went to school you're at all the time whatever you do to be a detective could you look at a guy dressed in like a bat costume and a cape and like seriously say like batman what do you think of this forensic evidence then he's like well i can't be sure well the thing is like yeah i think they kind of talked under they kind of talked some shit about him in the movie if i remember it's been a while since i've seen it but yeah like he's in the room and the cops are like what is he doing here what

about chain of evidence and commissioner gordon's like he's wearing gloves it's like that's not what chain of evidence means that's evidence contamination If you don't trust me to handle this evidence with a bunch of discretion, I don't know what to tell you. I like it. He's the governor of Minnesota. He gets results. What if there was some sort of Harry Potter crossover where he uses his Harry Potter

magic to be Batman? That'd make him too powerful. Then he could just be like mysterious, unraveless. I'm all about the Harry Potter universe. I like that J.K. Rowling is an ally. Oh, she's hilarious. Her social media stuff is great.

People are like, oh, I can't believe you wrote this character to be gay. I'm going to burn all your books. She's like, whatever, I've got all your money anyway. She's ruthless on that. Yeah, but it's probably something else. Yeah, they give her a hard time even though her like cinematic universe is billions and billions and billions of dollars it's got to be bigger than

lord of the rings i'm i hate to say it but it's got to be after eight eight films in the main series oh and then the funny you've and you've got to know the fantastic beasts and where to find them series also exists too that's two or three movies oh that's an already standpoint i mean but lord of the Rings is coming up on a hundred years. I'm not a Tolkien fan, but it's coming up on a hundred years. Sure. It is six movies, so it's not as far

behind as you might think. It did do six movies. I would put in there the divorce stuff. Two of my favorite Your Mama jokes are Harry Potter based. One of them is Your Mama's So Harry Potter based. One of them is Your Mama's So Fat, the sorting house put her in Waffle House.

And the other one is Your Mama's So Fat, her Patronus is a cake. Okay. That's not enough about Harry Potter to get it. It's like they basically represent themselves as these little transparent blue characters that can do shit.

And if you're heroic, you're a little animal pop. You don't know what your animal's going to be until you've adapted. And it can change. What was Harry's? A snake? Oh, it was... A deer.

Was it a stag? Yeah. And then maybe his mother's was a doe i thought you were a real potterhead kyle oh and then when and then when snape cast the spell at the end of the movie to save harry and he thinks it's his mother's it's actually snape's now uh patronum is lily's patronum because he loved her so much. Snape was a fucking loser. Snape was a loser. He was one of my favorite characters. I love a good villain like

Javier Barden in No Country for Old Men or like Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Bastards. I love a great villain. But Alan Rickman absolutely killed that role because he was kind of funny sometimes. He was ominous all the time

he had this sort of backstory peeking through but all he had to work with was like dramatic pause like he never got to raise his voice he never did anything real action wise like just tone of voice and pause was really all he had to work with i suppose i like jakey rolling told him the ending of all those movies, but nobody else. So he could build his character for that. But yeah, he was a mentor for all the younger actors on set. Like they really looked up to him and appreciated the career advice and

like literal acting advice that he gave him. Rupert Brent and him, I think in particular had a, had a close bond. Yeah. I, I love that guy. He's a great actor. It's a shame he passed

away. Yeah, but I mean, like... Quigley Down Under. I like the character, too. He was like a 61-year-old man who was really upset about, like, a failed romance that happened, like, half a century prior. Gotta let it go. But, uh...

Can you imagine, Kyle? Let's say you're 65 years old, and a girl broke up with you when you were 15. Yeah, I actually didn't even break up. We're never in a relationship. And then you get that kid's teacher or that kid's son. Like, are you going to bully? Well, that's not what happened. You left out a big part of the story.

What if there was a girl you always loved? You were friends with her as children. What if there was a girl you always loved, you were friends with her as children, you bonded over your shared interests and attributes that you thought made you a freak, but she has them and she's so beautiful. She's not a freak like you, but then it all gets just ruined in school where her boyfriend bullies you relentlessly and she sort of looks on and then once you've stomached all that and become a man and you're radicalized by all this incel hatred that that's caused in you you make the wrong mistake you make this mistake where you give a message you pass a message along and that girl is murdered with her husband and now the the death is on your hands you have to live with that and you go to your boss and you're crying and you're thinking i hope he kills me when i tell him what i've done and he says no i will kill you you will live with this and like makes him live with it for the next 40 years or whatever that's even worse because then he he had all that guilt

and he still was bullying harry not teaching him the right spells i didn't i don't remember a lot of the it would have been 60 years because in the movies, the Harry Potter kids show up when they're 11 and he was a baby. So this is really only about 10 years out. 10 years after. Yeah. When it's all gone. I mean,

I'm still buttered over some breakups I've had in the last 10 or 12 years. So, you know, is that really the timeline? I thought Snape was like a 65 year old man in the show and all the flashbacks to him with harry's mom were like they seemed like teens that yeah the actor seems the actor's a little bit too old to be playing who he is because i guess he should technically be what like 30s early 40s at the most yeah because like the timeline in the movie with they're like you know whatever

10 years old or so they're they're, nine or 10 years old in the movie. Then I guess it doesn't say how old Harry's parents were when they had him, though. So presumably they weren't teenagers. So, yeah, it could have been 25 years or so. I know. But I enjoy those movies. I mean, as a, you know, as a gun-toting Harley Rider four-wheel drive dude that, you know, like Albert League, I'm probably not cool to do all that kind of stuff.

Like, I love cartoons. I love, like, all this escapist fiction I think is really great. It certainly works great for my brain, you know, as an artist and a former movie special effects artist. The visuals are incredible. And, like, you know, I have enough stress in my life of, like, like real life stuff that i don't want to go watch a movie watching somebody else deal with real life stuff i want to go see somebody find

out they have magic powers or fight dragons or dress up like batman or be a panda that turns out he's really kick-ass at kung fu like that kind of stuff is what is soothing to my brain we're talking about made-up gay shit avatar Avatar doesn't get enough love. I don't like Avatar. I've only seen the first one that didn't suck me up. Avatar, the cartoon in particular, not the movie. Oh, Avatar with the fucking arrow on those Asian kids' heads?

Yeah. I was a little too old for that when it was coming out. Unlike me. You have kids who are younger than me enough, so you get that overlap my youngest brother loves loved that show when he watched it on his own though okay you know colin's watching it now i did watch it with colin but now he's like going through all the seasons and stuff i just walk through i have heard it's good but it is really good it is really good actually i

would put the source material out there with the greatest source material there is. If there was a well-done movie, I think it could be Harry Potter level or even Lord of the Rings level, but there's only poorly done movies. That's fine. The anime stuff I came up on was old school, like Akira and some of that stuff from the 80s. Ghost in the Shell and Akira and Venus Wars and all that kind of motorcycle-centric stuff when it was kind of like Japanese action movie. And I kind of, I missed all that other stuff after that, all the current, whatever,

it's not manga, what is it? The manga-oriented version, right? Anyway, the last 30 years of it, I've kind of missed out on. But yeah, there was some really impressive storytelling back then. And as a Western kid that came up with Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry and those kind of cartoons, to see a cartoon where there's boobs and people getting killed, motorcycle chases, and the complexity. I mean, again, you're average like a cartoon like Scooby, like, like a cartoon, like Scooby-Doo, which I love, you know, Scooby-Doo was shot on like three plates. You know, there's like a background, like a background plate, possibly a foreground. And then one with the characters,

you know, Akira had like 57, you know, and like shots where, you know, a motorcycle's coming around and turn in the headlight, like the shadows would change every piece of gravel in the road, the shadow would track with the headlight. I mean, the- I've never seen Akira, but I know that shot. Like that gets shown so often. And like, I watch these videos that I guess are made to get high and just kind of jam out to. It's just like easy listening with Akira graphics and stuff, anime graphics in general. But I know exactly that shot of that motorcycle fucking leaned over going through the road. Yeah, coming out of the alley.

Yeah, it's incredible. I mean, from a artistic standpoint i mean hey i love motorcycles so you had me right there but yeah artistically or like that like some of the rotoscoping they did like the jukebox scene with the cds coming in i mean that looked like damn near photographic level animation uh some of the like puddle reflections like the rain scene and ghost in the shell or uh there was another one called robot wars where it was this they kind of brought different artists to come in and several of them had some landscape shots that were nearly photographic and were just literally like painted on glass this was like pre-computer age stuff and that's cool artistry of it was just incredible and to take to take the expense to do something in a cartoon form was kind of groundbreaking back then.

People weren't going to put $100 million, I don't know what it cost, millions of dollars, into something that somebody's going to go, oh, this is a cartoon. It's going to be for kids. It's like, no, no, no. It's R-rated. It's violence and sex. But they're incredible to watch. I still enjoy them. Akira holds up to this day

in my opinion. My favorite adult animation, and I don't mean like Rick and Morty, although that is clearly adult animation, but like big budget thing is Spawn on HBO by Todd McFarland. And it's so Spawn is technically a Marvel hero, but he's a black secret

agent who gets betrayed and literally goes to hell and satan offers him a deal to come back to earth for so he can be with his wife and of course it's a devil deal so he accepts it and he goes back but he goes back five years after he left even though he's it feels to him he just left he sends him back five years later now his wife is married off to his best friend and they have a baby together. He's on the outside looking in. When he melted in hell, that didn't heal up.

He's just like a burnt up booger dick. But now he has hell spawn powers because the devil wants him as a secret agent badass to be the leader of the hell army that's about to attack heaven. He has all sorts. He has this crazy suit. If he

thinks it, it sort of happens. He has this cape that makes him fly. He has chains that comes out of his hands and tortures people. Like you said, there's nudity and extreme violence. It's a very adult animation.

I love that. It's on HBO. Not quite that level of nudity, but my favorite adult cartoon for years is Futurama was genius, I think, but Archer, I thought was one of the funniest shows that has been on TV in my

lifetime. They lost the plot when, I don't remember what season it was, but they just started, everything was like a new uh oh like all the universe yeah yeah every single season was like right what do you got now they're just cocaine addict uh cocaine salesman now he's in a coma well now they're fucking cowboys you did like a miami vice season if i recall correctly yeah so what happened the cocaine season really happened but because they i think

they got paid with like a literal metric ton of cocaine and there's jokes about what metric tons are it says no it's only 1811 pounds what why would i do that but they he has a coma he like gets hurt falls in a pool and goes to a coma around season five at the height of my fandom for the show and the following maybe four or five seasons decade yeah yeah he's in the coma and it allows them to like remix the show into this new thing and it's like no no no i didn't i would i didn't love your writing and your your artistry so much that i would just stomach it no matter what the characters were up to or no matter who the characters were. I liked the formula you came up with, where Archer's the world's best secret agent,

but he's a bit of a goofball. I like that scenario. He's kind of Mr. Magoo, right? Where he almost trips into being an outstanding secret agent. He's an idiot savant. Yeah, absolutely. To this day, just to this morning, I found a crumb on the floor of my office and I'm like, in my mind, it's Mallory going, this is how you get ants.

So many little sound bites from that show that were just great. And yeah, I liked the remix. I really only saw like the first season and a few of the other ones I've been on the go so much in the last decade, I haven't really watched that much television. But the ones that I saw, I did like that remix. It was funny because it kind of proved that the concept works, whether it's in some Indiana Jones adventure thing, some film noir, whether it's Miami Vice, whether they're out in space. The formula works with these dysfunctional people that all collectively together can kind of, like you said, Mr. Magoo their way into stuff. But, uh,

it was, it was just funny. I mean, I liked, I liked all the little science jokes, you know, there'd be some little vague reference where, you know,

somebody's messing with the radio and they're like, you know, thanks Marconi or whatever. Like there would just be these little references to tiny little scientific things that were just funny. The, the heart of archness, the one where he becomes the pirateate King, was just hysterical.

Oh, I remember that one. That's in early season. Oh yeah, you know, skill in that nose job. Yeah, that's when he's on the run or whatever. He's given up on life and his mother sends one of her exes to go rescue him in that seaplane.

It came out like, I think I was still in college. Like late college when it came out. The funniest i was still in college like late college and they came out yeah the funniest laugh in that episode is like they're flying in the plane and the guy that was like his mother's ex-boyfriend was like trying to school him on something and he was like you know don't talk to me like you're my dad he's like you're not my dad are you and he's like not unless you're 13 which is just a great like flex so like i shagged your mom 13 years ago, which I thought was hilarious. Yeah, that was something. Shifting gears a little, but also just hilarious to me. I saw a clip earlier of some Israelis with a trapeze throwing flaming balls over the wall.

I saw that. They were like, some people right on the other side of that wall in Lebanon must have upset them. They were trying to grow some food yeah what the fuck you know they didn't have a trebuchet handy and so like they like they pulled up youtube and like figured out how to build the trebuchet must be bigger it must be bigger. It must be bigger than this. We'll be the laughingstock of whole Middle East. It was pretty cool. Taylor said Lebanon, but it's probably Palestine?

The thing I saw about it was that it was in the Lebanon. Oh, okay. They've got lots of borders. The Israelis everywhere. It could have been Brooklyn. They've got their hands in a lot of pies. If we find some underground trebuchets, we know who did it. Underground trebuchets are a terrible idea. The Jews find some underground trebuchets, we know who did it. Underground trebuchets are a terrible idea. The Jews and their

underground trebuchets. Nothing's going wrong. You know, find something that works. I mean, the Ukrainians are still fighting off the Russians with like home alone booby traps and stuff, and it's working. Why don't they get some trebuchets over there? That could be, think how cheap those are

to cobble together. They're expensive. I was going to build one. Really? Yeah. There's no way they're that expensive. They must be cheaper than artillery. Modern munitions.

I mean, if you want to build one from Home Depot lumber, you know, like two by fours and such, like you could build a small one. But if you want to build a real trebuchet, you need some large pieces of wood that you don't just pick up at the store. I saw... Man, this is like feels like a

like a lost type of youtube video but you remember punk pumpkin chunking yeah i watched that incessantly in high school they would fire pumpkins out of these enormous air cannons and it would just be a bunch of guys being like look how far it goes and like that so you're both right they had multiple classes they had the centrifugal class as well that neither of you mentioned where you this thing starts it starts slow and it gets faster and faster this big arm that's counterbalanced it's swinging it's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa and finally it's just like whoa whoa whoa whoa and then they let it go at the exact right moment and and sling the thing and then they've got the

trebuchets and then they've got the air cannons those are the big boys of course that can shoot a pumpkin three or four thousand feet or something crazy the centrifugal is not the king of the king of the hill no air cannon is insane i would thought an air cannon would shoot nothing but pumpkin pieces you have to dial it in you That's exactly what pumpkin chunking is all about. It's about how much you can eat. You've got to grow your own pumpkins that are hardy and have that

thick shell wall so they can manage to handle 800, 1000 PSI or whatever. I wonder if anybody uses counterfeit pumpkins, right? Epoxy injected pumpkins. Inspect the pumpkin generator. You've got a guy on an atv like a frozen like a frozen paintball is shut down so the reason there is no longer a pumpkin chunking festival is because one of the guys who uh flipped his atv and fucking paralyzed himself out there being a goober but

you know you'd have these guys on atvs who would go out and they'd get the exact measurement because they you know they kept records for all the classes and stuff and people took it seriously they'd interview them in the off season and they'd be coming up with a new thing it's like yeah there's gonna be a game changer right here it was cool that was about the time that they started yeah it's about the time they started throwing cars off the cliff in alaska i think that was that was probably, you know, what? Screw it. Let's go pump and let's go cars full of pumpkins.

If you wanted to. Talking about YouTube. Yeah, that's what you brought up about accelerating, you know, the pumpkin mist coming out, you know, like you're going to air cannon is going to turn to jello. I was watching something. It was one of those like, you know, Neil deGrasse Tyson or somebody talking about, you know, like space travel, like part of the limiting factor, like how fast we could go. Like even if we had a ship with a big enough engine on it that we could go the speed of light or close to it to accelerate a human body up to the speed of light and slow it back down again at a non-fatal level, like 15 Gs or something, takes like 80-something years. Like how you talk about the pumpkin,

to accelerate that pumpkin up to a point it doesn't just come apart, it takes like 44 years to accelerate a human body up to near the speed of light without turning us into pumpkin juice. I wonder what the perceived amount of time would be because time dilates the faster you get. So the perceived time would be far less than 44 years for you for the for you yes but on a real world well i mean you would still your stopwatch would still ring the same time from

an outward observer it would go on longer but you would still experience the same time no it would just be different your time is different now you're you're in a bubble you're in a different bubble of time time's not consistent um it changes based on energy and and mass but it does change but it was my understanding though that it's still like relative to you like if you like if one of y'all took off and flew around at near the speed of light came back and we're all been dead 100 years you know in your ship though you still experienced a year of travel like you had it yes the time is different but you still experience the same level of time so like 88 years of acceleration and deceleration is still 88 years for you even though it was 1400

years for all of us or pretend that way oh you think he was factoring that in when he when he gave that was my understanding yeah i mean that don't. I doubt he's that smart. I don't know. But, you know, whatever you're in, no matter how fast you're going, you're still, you know, babies still grow at the same rate. Plants grow at the same time. From the observer standpoint, being in that ship. Yeah, sure.

As you're in the ship, things don't start moving all slow and everything. Yeah, looking out the window. Yeah, exactly. Looking out the window window everything's happening and fast forward you if you could zip out you know at the speed of light for six months and then turn around and come back at the speed of light for six months when you got back everybody would be long dead oh yeah yeah it'd be a plane of the apes yeah that's why like all sci-fi is is lies except for the ones that use like space bending and wormholes and stuff. That Star Trek shit where we're just skimming along faster than the speed of light. Well, I mean, you know, it's not. Yeah, it's sci-fi.

They have to do a little creative, you know, meandering, figure it out, make it work for the story. And I don't need it to be 100% right. Is there any practical application that we have now of the time dilation shit? Yes. So what they did was, I think Einstein came up with a theory. Some mathematicians come up with a theory about time dilation and the speed and everything. And so they had these two atomic clocks. And they left one of them here at home base.

And they put the other one on an airplane. And they spent $5,500 or something worth of 1940s money to fly this thing around the earth, around and around for a long time at high speed. And when they brought them back together, it was off by several hundreds of a second or something. So they immediately checkmated and like, yep, proved. Wait, that wasn't what he said, though. The person who wrote the formula. He didn't say,

is it real? He said, is there any practical application? Like if we get used to that. Oh, there is actually, it gets used all the time and like geospatial, like geocentric satellite,

like, yeah, GPS, stuff like that. And actually funny enough, you know, so, so yeah,

so they have to accommodate for a slight variance in time experience and these satellites that are out there going 17,000 miles an hour around the earth. But the person who wrote that formula that is still used to this day was Hedy Lamarr, who was Howard Hughes' girlfriend. She was this incredible person. She was a model in Germany. Show us a picture of Hedy Lamarr, by the way. It's important people know what this lady looked like. Oh, yeah, yeah. She was like a model and a spy.

She defected from Germany in some sort of like fancy James Bond type dinner party. Comes to America. Not only is she beautiful and a model and a spy, she becomes Howard Hughes' girlfriend. She's like a genius engineer and mechanical engineer. She developed one of the modern airplane wing that kind of adjusts to kind of change the profile on the top for lift,

the flaps, all that. She did stuff with the modern airplane wing. Howard Hughes basically set up the lab and she came up with the theory that... A woman who invented something. You've already lost me in this pile of lies. Formula that is used to this day on these satellites with that,

as you said, that practical application for adjusting for that time dilation. And yeah, she's awesome. I mean, just a, what a striking person to, you know, brains and beauty and all of that. But yeah, she she had when she worked with Howard Hughes and his sort of skunk works, that was something she came up with, which was. I bet if I was dating Howard Hughes at the time, I would have come up with something, too. He would have handed me a couple of discoveries. The rest right here is the four ham sandwich. It's got four kinds of ham.

All right. I know you can't fathom more than three. four kinds of ham, all right? I know you can't fathom more than three. And I'm assuming this was in his, like, you know, billionaire playboy era, not the, like, hiding out in the hotel, peeing in jars and saving its face,

like the slightly less crazy part of his life. He was saving pee in jars? Yeah, at some point, I believe, he was, like, holed up in some hotel somewhere and was, like, yeah, like, peeing in jars and hoarding it and just doing all this really wacky stuff like the original game was bananas he played world of warcraft yeah you know about the glomar explorer yes but for their benefit yeah the cia gets in contact with howard hughes're like, hey, you're an eccentric billionaire patriot.

Would you like to help us out with a little ruse we're pulling on the Ruskies? And he was like, fuck, yes, I would. So you're going to have this really expensive boat you're going to need called the Glomar Explorer. Go ahead and get on that right away. We're going to recover a Russian nuclear submarine, but we're going to pretend like you're out there mining and you've invented some new crazy gold mining technique where you're going to get gold off the bottom

of the ocean floor and people will go, oh, that Howard Hughes, and then the news cameras will leave us alone so that we can grab with a James Bond manacle type thing on the bottom of this boat, a Russian nuclear submarine, and haul it back up. And they did.

They did all of that. The Russians didn't know that's where their sub was. The Russians, we had found it. The Russians hadn't, they didn't know where it, you know, when it goes down,

it's suspicious. If I knew I lost a nuclear submarine somewhere off the coast of say, New Jersey. And then suddenly Howard Hughes starts mining there. I'm like, ah, it's fishy i would have put those pieces together they didn't know where their boat was though

but we did okay and so like like hauling it up though it broke apart it like broke in half and only like half of it came up and then the rest sort of spilled out but uh we did that thing where we recorded like the respectful burial of their men and sent it to them afterwards. So they were like, what the fuck? You found it? And they already buried our guys. And I can't even feel bad. Look at them saluting our flag.

God damn it. But it's still, I think, classified how much they got out of there. If they got the code books. A nuclear submarine captain has a lot of high security code books, the, um, a nuclear submarine captain has a lot of like high security, uh, code books and stuff for like, you know, checking to see if the strike is real or, or maybe just,

um, you know, just the, the, the command codes and stuff, but also whatever coding machine they had down there, they would have had a typewriter or whatever, or a computer system of some kind where when you punch J it,

you know, put out a fucking code. They had like an Enigma type machine or whatever. That's what they were after. That and their code books and stuff like that. Interesting. October is one of those movies that I can flip

on the TV at any stage in that movie and end up watching the whole movie even though I've seen it like 40 times. It's great. I don't even know what it is about. Just never get tired of that kind of stuff. The Russians versus Scotland. That's good.

That's what they have a Scottish. Bless his heart. Trying to do that Russian accent. That's a good movie, though. Defecting nuclear submarine captain. They're all sitting around like, where are you going to retire to? I was thinking New Jersey.

The Garden State. I love it. They're all figuring out what kind of sweet package they're going to get from the Americans for turning over a nuclear submarine. I'm sure we would give a pretty sweet package for that. Oh, of course. For sure. They could settle in whatever state they want.

We'd probably put them up in Alaska somewhere where it's like, let's put them somewhere that if they do start talking a little too much, they can escape right back home. I feel like they could pull that off. Montana, Wyoming. Yeah, they have a little farm. Oh, yeah. A guy with that accent's not going to stick out

at all in Wyoming. There's nobody else in Wyoming. That's the problem. I'm sticking that motherfucker in a real bustling city where there might be some Russians and shit like that. Or some Germans. Oh, you're going to hide them in Russia town in New York. Imagine being the only Russian in Wyoming.

Hello, friends. Comrades. American friends howdy yee haw yee haw my fellow American friends don't we all hate those Ruskies

so this is a story that I don't think I've ever told this story on any other channel anywhere else but it involves a Russian guy in New York and it's one of the most gangster stories I've ever told this story on any other channel anywhere else, but it involves a Russian guy in New York. And it's one of the most gangster stories I've ever experienced. So I'm dating somebody at the time and we go to New York city and we get like an Airbnb somewhere. Cause you know, it's hotels are $500 a night.

We find this pretty decent Airbnb. It's like, you know, fifth floor walk up somewhere off kind of near central park, et cetera, get there. And there's this younger Russian guy that's renting the place. somewhere off, kind of near Central Park, et cetera. Get there. And there's this younger Russian guy that's renting the place. And he's a nice guy. He speaks pretty good English. He's got, you know, it's a little simple, little tiny apartment. He said his girlfriend had to go back to Russia for her.

He's Russian. His girlfriend's Russian. She had to go back to Russia to do whatever with her passport. You got to be like six months here. You got to go back for a certain amount of time before you can come back. She's gone. He's renting the room out for some extra money. All right. Great. Sounds awesome. Nice guy. I recommend some like restaurants and that sort of, there's kind of a Russian neighborhood there. And he recommended some restaurants. He's like, you know, they'll let my son to it and you know, they'll take care of you.

And sure enough, you walk in the door, you know, I can't remember the guy's name, but you know, you just mentioned his name. Like, Oh, here's a great seat. Oh, here, this is on us. And they were just super nice. Like wherever this guy just mentioned this dude's name, just like open doors and shit. So I'm there for like four or five days and he's gone. Like, like he's like, seems like sleep during the daytime. I'd hear these like tense phone conversations and Russian kind of through the wall. And then he would just like go out the door and leave.

Oh, yeah. And he would just leave at like three o'clock in the morning. He said he was in catering. He'd leave at like three in the morning and come back at like six in the morning. You know, whatever. Catering hours. So I see him go out one day and his girlfriend, he said, was an artist. And of course, being an artist myself, I'm like, that's pretty cool.

You know, there's all these art books on the shelves. there's like one of those big like the plastic tube you know you carry paintings in i used to use that in art school there's a easel and some other shit around there that's pretty cool so anyway i noticed one day that the art tube has been moved oh that's kind of weird whatever it's his place um my girlfriend is in the shower and I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to go see what Russian art books look like. So I opened one of the books up and the covers of like a little slip cover on all the books are like art books, but inside it was all these like ballistic books and like military tactics and like camouflage and all these like, I mean, like the, I mean, I shoot guns,

but there's the guys that are doing those, you know yard shots calculating like rotation of the earth that kind of stuff books are like full of that kind of math all in russian and i'm like whoa this is pretty crazy here i kind of put it back in my mind i'm like already starting to like put together like in my mind but i'm like if he's a r hitman, why would he be renting his spare bedroom out on Airbnb? You'd think that pays enough that he's probably good. So anyway, that's kind of funny. He must just be into guns and maybe Russia's not down

with that, so they hide him in the art books. Whatever. I'm not getting his business. She and I continue to have our trip in New York doing our thing. He comes and goes a couple other times. He does my book. Oh other times uh so he leaves he's got this really nice mercedes by the way he's like kind of parked out on the street out front like i'd like the like the big black two-door coupe you know i'm thinking all right yeah this guy's balling it so he's gone we're checking out and you know like it was like

a like a kind of an atrium staircase you kind of look down and see all the stairs like five stories down and as we're leaving you know it's like you know leave the door you lock the door on your way out leave the key on the table um she's out in the hallway and i'm like hey look down the stairs and tell me if this dude's coming or not because it's like this tiny tiny little apartment the the painting tube is over in the corner just leaned up against like the little shelf or what is a painting i like i take my shirt and like i under you roll one up and stick it into well now it's like the plastic one like about that big around like with the cap on the end you like roll the painting up it's like a plastic tube oh like for shipping okay yeah so like i take my shirt so it's like not leave any

fingerprints and i unscrew the the cap on the paint tube carrier So it's like not leave any fingerprints and I Unscrew the cap On the paint tube carrier And it's the freaking butt of a rifle stock I like Screwed it back down like didn't touch anything Like you know out the door great review I had a great time Airbnb Five stars whatever never heard another

Word about it like sweating signing the guest Book In the guest book guest book super nice guy maybe he just likes to do marksmanship i have no idea probably you know the butt look like do you like was it a rubber butt pad or i honestly the moment i saw it it was like you know like you're like your blood runs cold the moment i just saw like the wood and whatever the end of it was i was like done out of here and you know being very careful not to have disturbed anything else and again it's been like a decade and since that incident and whatever that dude was into but i'm i'm still maintaining that i rented an airbnb from

a russian hitman. That's a good friend to have. Shout out to that guy. Hope everything's going well. Exactly. Could have been a Red Dawn scenario. You know what I mean? Could have been a Red Dawn scenario.

It could have been. It could have been. But, you know, either way, he was a nice dude. Kept up a good Airbnb. I gave him five stars. You know. Good move. Better.

Snitches get snitches. Of course, the cities and details may or may not have been changing that story just because I want to be as far away from that as possible. Taylor, can you imagine how awkward that would be if you're asleep in your Airbnb bed and you're just awakened by a light in your face? You moved my book. Yeah, exactly. My book, I noticed. What, the one full of ballistic smath?

No. I moved your page in the same way. I put a little piece of paper and a piece of paper on the floor. You know, this is crazy, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I always take a piece of girlfriend's hair, lick it, put it on top of my painting too because I'm paranoid about my artwork. And if I see the hair gone

because I've done this dozens of times, I know, my goodness, someone has been in my things. You wouldn't have happened to touch anything, would you? That was the building supervisor came in. I think that was him. You'd be like, damn, do you think maybe my girlfriend's been going through your shit? You know, I did hear my ex talking about this. I threw her right under the bus.

Me and Igor is going to have to take care of this thing. No, not me. And I actually, I'm glad you brought this up because i was gonna tell you women i tell you i also put a hair on top of my shaving kit i'm the free home of the brave guy and you're a clear american you know exactly and i just thought you wanted my phone password yeah that's the that's the one plot hole in the story though is like he had his own bedroom He had the little room that was supposedly his girlfriend's art studio with the futon where we stayed. The art tube was in the kitchen slash living room slash entryway area. If I had a sketchy gun, I mean, my sketchy guns are hidden where I live.

If I had a sketchy gun, I would not leave it out in a public space where you keep your sketchy guns taylor i i don't have any sketchy guns good answer yeah what is a sketchy gun you don't want a sketchy gun oh just an illegal gun yeah it's the kind you've done some shit too that'll give you 10 years guns aren't sketchy people are sketchy exactly well and there can be sketchy guns where nothing's illegal about the gun, but it's not registered to you.

You bought it from your stretch brother for cash, that kind of thing. And so that's kind of sketchy, but not like if they raided your house, they could get you on the folding stock or something. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know sketchy gun law. I don't have any sketchy guns.

I had to de-sketchify one of my guns. I had a bump stock and Trump made them illegal. Son of a bitch. That fat fuck. Ruining our fun. I saw the latest I heard from him that was anything good. He said he was not going to

tax tips anymore. So literally everyone in the service industry was going to get no more taxes for them. It's a move to carry Vegas. Vegas is a swing state where tips are an important part of income. So I mean,

we all know where I stand, but I still don't deny clever moves when they're clever moves. That's a good one. And then Biden said medical debt will no longer appear on a credit reports. And that's pretty good, too. Yeah. Keep going, boys. That's how the American public should do it. Now is the season of lies.

It should be like, what else you got? No, I don't think Biden's lying. I think he did it. We should be like, well, I don't know. I'm kind of leaning toward Trump. How about you guys? Yeah. What can you do for us, Biden? Maybe bring us back

over to yours? Oh, well, maybe we could just lower everybody's taxes. Maybe yours in particular. Oh, Biden's going to be back! Let's talk numbers! Pacific plan to lower swing voters' taxes. Yeah. That's what Trump did with the coal support. It was a swing voter move.

Sure. That's what they do. I'm not against the coal thing. You know, like, like coal, the most expensive form of energy. Oh, maybe behind nuclear.

I think second most. Is it really? Yeah. I could, I believe if you say it's true. I think so. I'm just wondering, I guess it is the most labor,

clearly it is. It's the most labor intensive by far. Everything else is, is pressurized underground and is bursting at the seams to get out of the ground and coal's down there hiding out and you gotta send dudes in a fucking hole. But imagine if we could, you know, if we just had magic metals

that could boil water forever. Just by existing. Just by existing. What boils the water, Timmy? Well, it exists! And so the water boils. We don't gotta burn coal! Nope, nope? Well, it exists. And so the water boils. We don't got to burn coal. Nope. Nope.

Well, it must burn out quick, huh? Well, that's the thing, Timmy. It lasts years. I don't know why nuclear is the other one that's very expensive, though. I think it's mostly expensive because there's so many regulations around it trying to keep people from going that direction. There's more money. to keep people from going that direction. There's more money.

It incentivizes people the way that we have solar and wind, all that money that's going into it. Incentivized isn't the word I'm looking for, but it's the practice. Subsidized. It's tricky. I'm not against nuclear. I think it's a clean way to get energy tonight, and I like that aspect of it. I don't trust industry to behave responsibly if we don't

oversee them. Industry has proven time and time again that if you don't put these guardrails on the way they behave they'll behave in the worst cheapest way possible you know i solved the nuclear thing like eight years ago you saw you did yeah yeah so the problem you you're welcome they won't listen to me i've been writing letters so hear me out the problem every time we've had a nuclear disaster is but for one reason or another um the the rods got too hot they ran out of water they couldn't keep the thing cooled down so it melted down and then there was a fire and then that created a steam explosion the roof blows off and you got some elephants foot poisoning half of uh europe but why don't

we build the whole thing under the ocean why is it the whole thing under the ocean where even if you have a radiological disaster it's just absorbed by the ocean it's probably gonna fuck up a lot of fish which is better than people no no they're fine like like seawater is like really good at absorbing radiation like they're fine oh that's all then that's old it doesn't seem like a way to lower the cost oh it'll be way more expensive they're like so much more expensive than it is barely because that's how you get expensive energy yeah yeah but i see what you're talking about though i mean that is an aqualab down there though boys we get sea people down there that's what i've always wanted i've wanted a i i would be a sea miner

if i got to be like the abyss i want want to be down there under the ocean, on the ocean floor, because that's as close to another planet as any of us are ever going to get, is the bottom of the fucking ocean. I would get in that new Sea Explorer thing that's not powered by an Xbox controller if I could get a seat in that thing. I bet the seats are cheap, because of what happened to the last people that went on that ride. Yeah, that's true. I mean, they should be cheap.

Like taking bootleg rides to the Titanic location. They should pay you, huh? Yeah, they should absolutely pay that. As you can tell behind me, I like to collect stuff. These are just some of my, just a few of my cannonball mementos. But I have a whole collection of little

historical things, and I have a piece of the Titanic. It's a piece of the rear smokestack i designed a logo for one of the submersible companies about 20 years ago and they had a whole panel of it they gave me a little piece of it and it's kind of crazy like those little bits it's like everything i'll get it out of box and look at it like you know a lot of people have died in a lot of sunken ship accidents but obviously the titanic's got so much story behind it but it's kind of crazy like sometimes like to to hold that little piece and kind of feel that connection and be like wow you know this this part of this boat went down on that boat with all of those thousands of people it's yeah it's crazy but yeah the as far as taking the sub down to see it like they weren't even

going to be like, you couldn't really even see out the window if I understood correctly. It wasn't like you were going to actually see it anyway. I think so. James Cameron went down there. Zach, can you find a picture of James Cameron? James Cameron had a real submarine.

He did, but I'm talking about the one that imploded. Yeah, the implosion. What imploded your shit? Yeah. They had one little, they would have had to take turns looking through the tiny little porthole and it would have all been fish eye lens weird.

Yeah. I mean, I guess they hadn't exploded and turned them all inside out. You think they did that at the last second? They're like, I guess it turns off. They're like, and we don't even get a view. What if it died facing away from the Titanic? They didn't get anywhere near the Titanic

when that thing exploded. I thought they got there kind of close. They're like halfway there, dude. That's the one that blew up. But the rapid depressurization of that thing, those people got incinerated. When that thing imploded, it increased the air pressure so much

that the temperature raised to the point where they basically got almost cremated. Vaporized even. I'm on the other side. I think that thing's cool as shit. You're talking a lot of shit for someone who has no submarine at all. What's your submarine look like, Kyle? I don't have one.

How close did your submarine get? Dude, four hours at Home Depot and I could cobble something like that together, though. It looks like you took a propane tank and stuck a porthole on one end and a door on the other and put the whole thing on some stilts with little paddles on them. It looks bad. Get yourself a mad cat's controller.

Yeah, it may not have carbon fiber, which can be phenomenally strong, but like... Yeah, in a hockey stick. And I'm kind of talking out of my ass here, like, as a welder and fabricator i mean i know a little bit about metal but there's like actual like metallurgist like a friend of mine's wife's a metallurgist and it's like science and chemistry and physics and all these charts things like that like if you make one of these spheres out of titanium aluminum you

know steel whatever like that material on a molecular level has a very finite strength and pressure yield and angles and all this. You can do the math and determine pretty much exact on how strong it is. But something like carbon fiber, which is a composite, is inherently going to have strong areas, weak areas. There's going to be these variations as all those little fibers are intertwined that inevitably is going to create a weak spot. I mean, that's kind of how those spheres work is they're around, they take pressure from all sides and that metal can be

calculated to absorb that strength. Whereas you can't really... Strength is one problem. The other is fatigue. Carbon fiber doesn't deal with fatigue. It's very strong the first time you test it. But metal can flex to a certain point and bounce back. Carbon fiber, every flex takes away from its strength. So it's hard to know its current strength. Exactly. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, the special effects company I worked for when I got out of college, they had a carbon fiber conference room table built and the company was built it was cool as shit you know it was like a size of a sailboat you know you could pick it up and the company that was building it sent us all these little like samples of like this is like in mid 90s sent us all these samples of carbon fiber little tubes and squares and all this shit so we could play with it because i they paid like 100 grand for this table or something and of course you give it to a bunch of 25 year old nerds and go hey this is indestructible what's the first thing we're gonna do we're gonna go try to tear it up so we're

slamming it doors and do that with dog toys oh yeah doing heinous stuff with this stuff and like it was pretty much indestructible and then one day somebody just like casually tossed it down and it just hit the sweet spot in this piece. It was like a little brick, like about the size of like a CD in a case just exploded, like just shattered into needles. Like we just finally hit that sweet spot. And yeah, that's apparently what happened with this with this bathysphere. And that was just terrible. Why we shouldn't make submarines out of it.

Your piece of the Titanic I'm sure is legit and everything, but you mentioning the historical artifacts made me think of, and this seems like the kind of thing Kyle would know offhand, there was a European country that we, I guess, lied to

in the early 70s where we were like, hey, Denmark, we would love for you to have a moon rock. This is from the moon. the early 70s, where we were like, hey, Denmark, we would love for you to have a moon rock. This is from the moon. Trust us. A real life moon rock. We definitely didn't keep all of them for ourselves. Here's one for you.

And then, like, decades later, someone thought, it was like, you know, we never really tested this. And they tested it, and it was literally petrified wood. We had the Danes believing, maybe it's the Dan literally petrified wood yeah we had the danes believing maybe it's the danes or someone else but we had them like putting that in a display case yeah netherlands being like oh this is sweet this is a moon rock and then you know what i think happened petrified

wood here's my theory on what happened taylor someone stole the real moon rock and replaced it with petrified wood from the Netherlands. America doesn't lie. These colors don't run. We're honest people. If we tell you we're going to give you a moon rock, you can bet that's what you get. Clearly not. This looks like... You know what? I know so little of moon rocks

that you could give this to me and I'd be like... I've got a hand on a moon rock before. I collect a lot of rocks and fossils and things. The moon supposedly smells like gunpowder. Neil Armstrong and all those guys came back and said when they were changing out of their extra vehicular their moon suits

back into their space suits, that it smelled like gunpowder up there. They could still smell stuff? I mean, they could smell the dust on their suit as they're taking their suit off. I've had a question about smelling. You can't smell the same thing for some period of time. You go nose blind, right?

Yes. People don't know how their house smells. That's a great example. How do we know that oxygen doesn't smell? I guess we don't? We, I guess. Well, it smells. You would have to be away from oxygen long enough for your nose blindness to go away. I like it.

I like it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it does smell. Yeah. I mean, the air we're breathing now is 18% oxygen, 79% nitrogen and 3% trace element% trace element, helium, argon, et cetera. I believe that's right. Sounds right-ish.

I believe you. Some CO2 in there. Yeah, that's a good point. And oxygen being so reactive, it would make sense that it would have some sort of— Oh, oxygen is odorless at room temperature. It's also colorless and tasteless. However, oxygen concentrators and oxygen masks can sometimes develop odors. That's written by a guy that has to

breathe oxygen all the time. Let's segue back to our conversation about the Nazis to this. On the Hindenburg, hydrogen is also unscented. So on the Hindenburg, they scented the hydrogen with

garlic so that they could smell a gas leak. But hence there was no garlic allowed in any of the recipes for the food they served on the Hindenburg. That's, that's absurd. Like, why can't you pick, like,

why can't garlic, what are we doing here? Garlic is such an important ingredient in so many things. They couldn't make it smell like rat shit or something. He got me. That's unreal. That's ridiculous. I had to say a question. That's ridiculous. It deserved to go down.

You know, it was Germans in the 1930s, so maybe, like, either they thought garlic was nasty and didn't put it in their food, or maybe there was some scientific reason where, like, that was the only thing that would be on. The only thing they hated more than juice was flavor. Hated it. You heard of Zyklon B, of course course taylor that's the name of your rock band i know yes yeah that's the name of my garage band zyklon zyklon a uh had an added odor so that you would know it's rat poison so you would know that oh there's there's gas in here they zyklon b is

zyklon A without the odor. And natural gas, when you turn your oven on and you're like, ooh, I smell gas, we add that smell. Yeah, propane too. I learned that about propane from King of the Hill, that it's odorless, but they have to put the smelly stuff in there so you know if you're about to explode. Which is still kind of garlicky smelling. I went to Auschwitz one time, and man that is that is a moving place like i mean i've i've done photography i've been all over the world taking

literally hundreds of thousands of photos and i think i took like four at auschwitz and i tried really hard to make them like respectful like i didn didn't want them to be like, Hey, look at this cool moody photo. I shot. Like it seemed very, it seemed very wrong. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The selfie. But I, I was trying to get, I got like, you know, one of like the train tracks kind of going out and I was trying to capture that sort of Anne Frank's last view kind of thing. But like, yeah, it was a really moving place. And like, yeah, they had these, like in the showers, they just had these little trap doors in the ceiling.

They would drop the Cyclone B down below. And it was just so clinical. Like that was... Did they play music? I'm sure some did. I don't know. At the place, when he was there, was there music? Oh.

Because I went to I went to which is like it was something like 40% of America's slaves came through this town. And there were all these slave museums that we went to. And they were somber and there was almost a heckin' Auschwitz vibe at this

slave museum. And there was music kind of to make sure that nobody was happy while they looked at everything. Like they just down the mood. Yeah. There were, there was no music at Auschwitz. It was just kind of a,

you know, kind of a walkthrough. They kind of put you in groups based on language. And Kyle's laughing. We were discussing what music would be played at Auschwitz. It would be like, it'd be like Rammstein or something like that. They had a good one.

I said Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. I'm sorry. I was talking. Yeah, I'm on fire. Yeah, that would be terrible. That's a place you got to walk around and be like, hmm. The whole time. Even when you're taking pictures.

So they're like, this guy's not a Nazi. He clearly doesn't like it. He's walking around shaking his head. He disapproves of Nazis. Bold. Ooh, I dislike that. Yeah, I mean, it's a brave stance. You can't just go against that.

It was cool that in eastern Ukraine. Yeah. One of the freakiest things there was like, for years when they had, you know, they were killing people, but still telling the rest of the world that they were just doing it as an internment camp so they did like fake mug shots for like thousands and thousands of people and they had them like on the hall just these eight by tens printed up on this one hallway just thousands of people and you walk along looking at their faces and like you know all these people were just simple farmers and people and like like a lot of them you could see like that kind of defiant, like, okay,

you've captured me and made me come to this camp. But other people, like there were people who were smiling, like they were kind of excited. Like they probably never had their picture made before. And like these people had no idea like what was about to happen to them. And the, I guess it's the, the organization of it all. I mean, there were like, you know, piles of like like storerooms full of like slightly Brown hair, honey Brown hair, like this gold tooth,

this cuspids and molars, like the Nazis were so organized with how they like, that was like, you know, from a, I don't know, like, like Pompeii or some other disaster type place where a lot of people died. I mean, it's obviously very tragic, but like knowing so many people died right at that spot, too, that part wasn't as striking as how clinical the Nazis were about it. Like you could kind of get your head around, OK, this many millions of people died. But just the record keeping and just how, like, okay, I'm sorting. What are you doing today?

You know, Dieter? Oh, I'm sorting gold teeth. You know, tomorrow I'm going to go through all the baby shoes and match them up. And like, they were just so organized with it. That's how they are with everything. That's the German people. Like everything they do is meticulous and mannerly.

They're just a... They're engineering-minded people. Yeah, they are. And I'll have to give the Germans credit, whether it's the Holocaust Museum in Berlin or, of course, this was in Poland where the prison camps were, but they still own it.

They admit it happened. They don't do any of this stuff like, we're going to pretend like it didn't happen or leave it out of schools. They're very distinct like, yo, that was other people 75 years ago, 80 years ago. That was not us.

They're the number two supporter of Israel, militarily speaking. Right behind us, Germany's coming in and giving them missiles and money down there in Israel. Trying to make up for it. Do they sell stuff at Auschwitz? Is there a gift shop? Gift shop. All I got was this stupid t-shirt.

You know what? I actually looked because like, yeah, like some kind of- I had a gas. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You get like the, you know, little bitty train car on a- There was like a bookstore there. So it was like, you know, modern books and older books, you know, written about the experience experience or a lot of jewish heritage stuff i mean like you might get like a bookmark or something but yeah there was zero that said like you know i went to austria my friend went to

auschwitz and all i got was this lousy tank top or something like there was none of that there was no swag there was no like that's good that's good i was i don't think there was even like a little restaurant off-site but yeah there was no like it was like going to it was like going to like a tomb or something it was very very solemn very respectful like some of that yeah that would undercut it if they were selling fucking mugs yeah a place like a like a much less big deal somewhere like the alamo like you gotta you gotta sell fucking mugs and t-shirts at a place like the alamo yeah yeah that's a little more no it's disappointing i've heard right it's so disappointing there's like one little brick wall if you can call it it's like this was the part of the mission and this was part of the main building and it's like man it really doesn't like shit now though does it no no but walk around and

we'll tell you more of the story i know when you say one wall are you exaggerating a little bit exaggerating like the way i remember it and again it's been about 10 years but there was just this rat this falling down old brick wall that was just barely standing and it wasn't a big wall it was just like yeah there it is four walls no no no no no no no like there's a complex there's like a a whole business built around this thing that you go into and deep within it there's i don't know what that is. I don't remember seeing that part. I remember seeing some falling down shit. That's not the Alamo. You remember in Pee Wee's Big Adventure where the medium tells him his bicycle's in the basement and he'll laugh at it?

Yes, I remember that. I may have gone to the wrong part. I may be like King of the Hill and I never slid the door open and went through the whole room. Yeah, the Alamo. That looks amazing. The Alamo sucks. It looks like a regular Hilton. Alamo is the reason that Tennessee is called the volunteer state.

Yeah. Because Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie, three statesmen all went to the Alamo volunteer to to go to the Alamo, and they all died there, and that's why, like, the three stars and the Tennessee flags, kind of get that little Pixar ball flag with the three stars, those stars are for the three of them, and that's why it's called the Volunteer State, and other trivia with that is Jim Bowie, as he was walking to the Alamo, Jim Bowie, as he was walking to the Alamo, his wife was tired of him knife fighting with this badass knife he had.

His knife blade was made out of a meteorite by this guy in Texas that had seen it fall, and they forged it. Of course, back then, they didn't really have a lot of high nickel steel. So Jim Bowie had his famous Bowie knife made out of a meteorite, sharpest knife around. His wife said, please stop fighting with that knife it's cursed and he legends has it he threw it into the mississippi river it's never been found on his way to the alamo to die and become one of the stars on the text on the tennessee flag wow nagged out of his meteorite knife that's bullshit out of his meteorite knife and maybe if he had had it he might have survived survived the Alamo. Yeah, maybe it wasn't cursed. Maybe it was blessed. How could you be cursed with a knife

that you'd won so many knife fights with that your wife is begging you to stop engaging in them? Cursed with a nagging wife. That's what he's cursed with. He'll give him a squaw. He doesn't speak English. She was half right. Was she an Indian? No, but I'd have gotten one. That'd been my move back in the day.

You get one of them, you decide the marriage isn't going so well just go i guess you do the white lady too back then but man those were the fucking days dude you could move three if you could get over the way if you could get over the bo the the the frontiers times would have been would have been interesting oh bo would have been no big deal. Like, we just talked about nose blindness. Everybody's so stinky that, like, you're going to get over it. I don't know about that. Look, you could get over your own, but everybody's got their own flavor. So you'd meet some new dirty motherfucker, and he'd have his own stink because he eats bear ass or whatever all winter.

Yeah. Then you meet some dirty Indians that are eating, like, buffalo chips or whatever those savages ate, and they'd have their own stink. Yeah. That is why the French who are famous for not bathing pits and things like that, that the French are famous as lovers because they are used to those pheromones from each other.

They don't wash and hide all their pheromones. That people have that olfactory connection with each other. And that makes them more passionate. Are they known to be stinky or have they kind of caught up uh that's probably more of a historical thing the modern times they're probably not traditionally smelly i've been to france several times i don't recall anybody being stinky but uh but yeah and how much of that also is like our history is mostly coming from the english on that yeah they hated them forever and so they're like oh these you know they're the stinkiest people around and it's like i guess that's true i guess

they're stinky i bet the the french probably say the english are stinky or no they probably go with like bad teeth you know for some reason i thought the french did anal sex the most i'm like oh let us see if this true and i'm like what country has the most anal sex according to. I'm like, let's see if it's true. I'm like, what country has the most anal sex? According to Google, the Vatican. Vatican? You found my Wikipedia edit? That's funny. Yeah, but that's only per capita. All it takes is two guys

getting freaky and then it's 5% of the fucking Vatican. My sweet summer child. I don't know how many people live in Vatican City. I know we've looked it up before and it's less than you'd think. There's a subset of Japanese people who don't get body odor. They just genetically don't.

It also is tied to, I think, dry earwax. It's those people. But they would recruit those for the submarine crews. That's a good idea. I think all Asians, for the most part, get less BO than like European, than hairy European people. East Asians, yeah. What about West? Oh, yeah.

Where do you think it went? Yeah, India collected it. All the stink from East Asia migrated over to West. Do they get the extra stink? Don't deny the science. It's a way of life. Woody's worked with them. He knows it's it's it's a thing like i think an issue i was like they don't like to buy someone deodorant or like double polite to help them out yeah i remember selling this guy

a car on a 95 degree day in atlanta and we're just in this motherfucker and i'm like sir as you can see it doesn't have any air condition like none um you sure you want a cargo van for your son's first vehicle oh yes this price this price is oh yes he's gonna put his son his 16 year old son was getting like a conversion cargo van the kind of shit that like drives you to the beginning of the float trip. Yes. He's stonk. I just remember, I've never smelled anything like this before. It sounds like he's cooking in the van with me right now.

Some sort of weird Indian dish with peppers and evil in it. Yeah. He has many spices. I bet we smelled for them. And this is not anything cultural. This is just this particular dish of food. So I'm on a flight coming out of Mumbai going to London, I think. And, of course, I'm in the nosebleed seats in the back with the cheap seats.

There's a couple of cats in front that have a Tupperware of some sort of dish, and they're both just – it's like some kind of rice thing. They're both eating it. Whatever it was, when they cracked both just, it's like some kind of rice thing. They're both eating it. Whatever it was, when they cracked it open, it was so powerful. The people in first class all stood up and were refusing to take their seats and allow the plane to take off.

These guys ditched whatever it was in this Tupperware that they were sharing. Of course, they immediately are doubling down. They're like, no, fuck off. I'm not getting rid of that. Whatever this is. Like, it had reached back to the back of the plane. Like, wide-body transcontinental planes. There's like 400 people, which is like eye-watering.

Like, we can't get it out of our clothes. I don't know what they were eating. That's so rude. Can you imagine doing that? Going on a flight, like cracking open some deviled eggs that you made the night before? Oh, my God. No, you made two weeks earlier. Deviled eggs that I made in 1987 before oh my god two weeks earlier i

made in 1987 little rap oh oh my god the you know there was like there had to be and be like i'm gonna throw both of you off the like you or the tupperware is going off this plane yeah yeah it was it was some hardcore stuff like you just know there was like another indian guy on the plane who as soon as they opened that was like oh my god this is so embarrassing like there was like another indian guy on the plane who as soon as they opened that was like oh my god this is so embarrassing like he was like why do you have to eat this this is for eating riding on top of trains occasionally grabbing electrical wires not on a plane maybe it was like this spicy tupperware rice that his grandmother used to make though it could have been like nostalgia different flights i'm flying to vietnam one time and there's like whatever like the and in asian airlines are

fantastic quality is so much better than american stuff better seats better food nicer planes prettier attendance everything's better so whatever is on like the nighttime meal it's like a 14 hour flight nighttime meal there's something with and the english translation was fish floss i'm like okay this is awesome i can't wait so we get some rice thing it's my little dish and you get like it's like a little ziploc of like looks like cotton candy but it's fish flavored so i'm about to like go like pour it on there and there's a vietnamese lady next to me on the plane and she's like taps me on the arm she's like no no no like don't don't don't eat that fish floss stuff I'm like I mean it was all like complete language bear I'm like okay no problem she goes in her purse and pulls out like a gallon ziploc of like

I guess it's like her homemade fish floss and she like it lets me like double dip out of that and like I put her fish floss on the rice dish and it was amazing it was spicy and savory and just made the whole unlike ratatouille i mean uh remy the rat and ratatouille like it just made the whole dish light up it was incredible but she was like knew that the airline fish floss was shit and she's like no i brought my own i brought it don't worry i got you sit there and we just shared homemade fish floss on this 14 hour flight to uh Vietnam, and it was awesome. I've never even heard of fish floss. Yeah, it's like I think they must rake fish out into these tiny, tiny little slivers and then dry it, and it's literally like fishy cotton candy,

but you put it on a dish as a garnish, and it just kind of adds flavor to it. I mean, I wouldn't really sit around and eat a bag of it, but it was good. flavor to it i mean i i wouldn't really sit around eat a bag of it but uh it was good but yeah so she she kind of uh she kind of reversed the karma with the the the rank whatever these guys were eating in india that was so spicy that like it was like tear gas yeah i i would be upset too my friend john facara has this hilarious story about they had this Indian restaurant in their town and they would go there on special occasions. It was a nice place. And they had wrapped up. He was a director and like a theater director. And they wrapped up a play and they go to this Indian place and they don't have a little bit of drink. And he's feeling pretty brave. And he was like, you know what? I like spicy hot.

He's like, I want an Indian hot. Like, I want the kind of food you guys have in the back. And they were like, Oh, I don't think so. My friend, I don't think, no, no, I'm going to man up. Like if you can eat it, I can eat it. Give it to me. Like you're eating in the back. And they're like, okay, but we're not going to be responsible. So they go in the back and he said like,

you could smell it before you could see it. Like they come around the corner. They bring him this plate of something. And it's got like their hardcore spices on it. And, you know, he said like his eyes were watering. His nose was running before he even put in his mouth. At this point, it's all built up. Like the whole kitchen staffs like come out to like watch him eat this stuff.

And he said he just digs in and he takes a bite. And he said it was just like like his ears were ringing it was so spicy like immediately his sinuses just dumped his lips swell up his eyes swell shut he's like fingers where he touched it were swelling up like noses running he's just drooling because he can't feel his mouth and of course everybody's like thinking he's about to die and he's just in agony but he's not gonna let me get the best out of him. So he just digs in a second fork full and just hand trembling and his face just,

ah, just eats another one. And everybody cheers. And the guy kind of pats him on the back and is like, your meal is free tonight, my friend. And just watching it do it. And he said it was the spiciest thing he's ever like,

like you think you've had spicy food, and then there's a whole other level. I didn't... Oh, yeah. I've seen people who can do this. I swam with a guy, and we were training in Trinidad in South America, and you guys have all probably had super-duper spicy stuff.

The nature of it, you put one drop of it on your tongue, and you're suffering for the next five minutes or so. The water makes it worse. You're doing that. I tried it. Yeah. So like one drop of it knocked me for a loop and it was like, this isn't even food. This is like a danger or something like

how can anyone enjoy this? Unless you just dilute it in some, you know, gallon or something else. I had an Indian guy on the team and he was dipping his fries in it like it was ketchup, just coated one after another, after another. And I'm like, are you okay? He's like, I can tell that it's spicy.

I'm not like unaware, but it was no big deal to him. Yeah. They're, they are hardcore on a different level of spicy. I have heard a theory that. Well, a like really hot stuff like that. You get like an endorphin rush from eating it, like from kind of the pain, I guess. And some people get into that. But like, if you look at cuisine around

the world, you know, Southeast Asia, India, you know, Caribbean, Central America, like hot climates, the cuisine of hot climates evolved to have hot foods because it's a vasodilator and it makes you sweat, which cools you off. Whereas like if you get further North, you know, Norway, Sweden, Germany, places like that, the food's very bland, but that hot food was popular because it makes you sweat and cools you off. I don't know if that's true or not, but if you look at the spiciest cuisines, they do tend to be equatorial. So maybe it's true. This guy that I'm talking about, you know how like your name is this, that, and then you just choose your kid's first name

and the last name stays the same. Well, in his culture, your first name became your last name and then you got a new first name, right? So if your name is Patabi Srinivasan, then the next generation is like, you know, whatever, Atul Patabi, and it just flips like that. Well, they had been in America long enough

that his name was Tom Matthew. Tom. Mark Tom Matthew. They keep that role in that tradition, but it's just regular ass American names. That's great. There's like Instagram. It's always some cute girl that wants to be your friend on Instagram, which is obviously

some fake bot. I've been getting all these ones. It's like the girl's name is like two first names. It's like Jennifer Stephanie or Heather Erica. It's like whatever this AI thing is, it doesn't know the difference between a first name and a surname.

So it's like pitching these fake girls that just have two. So now I just delete anybody. So you may be a legit person name so it's like pitching these like fake girls that just have two so i now i just i just go through my just delete anybody so you may be a legit person with two first names so i'm just going to delete you anyway because can't yeah i can't trust you the uh oh we lost chris we'll see let's see if he comes back speaking of the the online stuff, he said Instagram. That just made me think Twitter just removed their like public like function. Yeah, yeah. I love it. People can't. X, of course. It'll always be Twitter to me. It's a sillier, more fanciful, funner name than X. X is too intense. But they got rid of the public like system, which doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

It is. But like, I saw someone be like, you know, this is like corporations or like, you know, government entities, people that want to like astroturf, you know, different movements online. Like they'll love this. I'm like, all right, I can kind of see that point. But like, apparently Elon says likes are way up, and a lot of people are hypothesizing that it's almost entirely, like, porn

and other content that before people weren't liking because if, like, Ted Cruz likes a video of, like, some girl giving a blowjob, you could go to his account and click likes, and it's like there's a lot of politics stuff here, and there's some blowjob stuff here. I would not theorize that. So first of all, I would say to anybody who actually uses Twitter, don't start liking porn and anything you want,

because next month he might revert these changes, and because Elon's running the company now, and he fired some of those slightly unnecessary people, it might just flash show all of the porn you liked and you lose your ministerial job or whatever so don't do that but but like i think it's people expressing their true likes because oftentimes you would like to virtue signal i'm sure a lot of people would like yeah i'm supporting you with this like and then but there would also be people who are like uh

i do like that but i don't want to lose my job yeah i don't want to lose i don't want my family to live in the streets so i'm going to pretend like i don't like that thing you just said and i bet there's people more freely expressing them their their actual likes you know out there for what it's worth and i think you're right. It's probably a mix of both. You can both be right. You can do more porn clicks and express your actual likes. That's the freedom Twitter gives you.

That's the freedom Twitter gives you. The only trade-off is that now every tweet just has porn girls in the comments. It will be the most like some blues account will be the most like some some blues account will be like alexander steen former player set to take the reins as gm in 2026 and then like

four comments of like this is great i don't like this this is great pussy and bio and it's like well this is you know you're kind of derailing the you know there's the whole internet you can go put your porn why does it have to be here? I'm shocked that that's effective. That anyone is like, oh, really? Your pussy's in the bio. You must like the blues, too. You're like full fucking package.

You're perfect for me. I like blues. DMs. Oh, my God. Our DMs are open, bro. Can you believe it? It's fate. It's fate.

It's really automated a lot of the time. Most of the time, it's just a bot that's automated because i'll get them occasionally like on my tweets where that's just a response of like a woman like sitting spread eagle and being like what to fuck and it's like now i can be like i don't know if you watch pornography so i like the ads that that you get with uh with porno they're often way higher quality than the video i'm about to watch so i'm like god damn that that's what 4k pussy looks like but my favorite my favorite pre-roll is like it's it's like a robotic voice but i think they want it to be robotic to suggest that it's legit to legitimize the service somehow like but but it's like what the fuck granny's in your area

now yeah do you have a problem with fucking multiple grannies all day at their beck and call or my favorite and it's like who do you i hope this didn't serve this to me on purpose it's like are you ugly what the fuck ugly girls in your area are you i'm glad you said that because it happens to it's like older ladies looking to have sex and i'm like dude i'm catching strays here i'm just what it is and it's like it's pretty smart if you think about the psychology behind it but they're like oh so you're you're jerking it to videos of naked ladies i bet you'd fuck an old lady i bet you think old ladies are the last resort but you just don't even know how to get there. You know? Well, want to go to our site where it's nothing but kinky grannies in your area?

Do you want to eat some old snizz? And there's pictures of old dirty grannies, you know, and they're fucking negligee. He's fucking spreading it and stuff. That's a completely more believable version of, like, beautiful girls in your neighborhood just want dick. And you're like, i know enough about this world that that's not true they don't here's a funny granny porn story for you so back this is like mid 90s i'm out of college i'm working at this special effects company in atlanta and i have like the cheapest apartment

in atlanta and like you go to take your trash off in this apartment complex. You just kind of went up some steps and threw it into this big trash compactor thing. And if people had something, a toaster or something, maybe that wasn't like, they didn't need it anymore, but it wasn't trash.

There was this little shelf and people would just put shit on there. It was just free shit for somebody else. Okay. That's good. So I go there with my trash one day and there's a box there. And I don't know if somebody got busted or what, but it was like their porn box. And it's just in there with the free stuff.

And of course, I mean, of course I'm going to look. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, it's like, and again,

this is like 1996. So this is like free. These are 20 bucks a pop in 96. You got to go. This is back in the day. So this is back still. We're doing more like Vs tapes and magazines at this point it's mainly foot fetish magazines which you would have thought it'd be like you know

foot on a boob but no it was just feet like feet stepping in noodles feet with ketchup on them feet with glitter just feet but there was a vhs in there a couple of them. And it was like women that were probably 40s or 50s, perfectly attractive women. But they were like wigs and house dresses and like walkers and made them hairnets. Which is not my thing. But I'm thinking like this will be hilarious to put in my buddy's VCR when I go hang out with him this weekend. So there's like three of them in there a couple of them are just amateur but there's one that's just like really really bad i mean it's just they're again walkers in the house shoes and just these 50 year old women pretend to be like 120 so i'll go to my buddy's place and he goes to the bathroom or outside

check the girl whatever pop it into vcr walk away just he'll find it at some point he'll, he'll hit play and it'll be whatever, you know, smoking the bandit or lion king or something. It's going to be old lady porn. So hence starts this game of like me and this group of friends, like anytime somebody went to somebody else's house, they would pop the old lady VCR tape and it made the rounds a couple of times and and naturally like my girlfriend at the time who later became wife at the time is up from augusta visiting me and like i'm at work she's in my place all day she decides just to turn on the tv damn i get home

from work thinking we're gonna go out to dinner or something. She's like sitting on the couch, like arms crossed, all mad. And like, I like the face. And she's like, I didn't know you liked old women. And I was like, wait, this has been months. Yeah. I'm like, what? She's like, don't look at me with that. You don't know what you're talking about face.

And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. She's like, I turned on your VCR. There's a video of these old women pretending to be older women. And I was like, oh, crap. I turned on your VCR. There's a video of these old women pretending to be older women. What is wrong with you? And I was like, oh, crap. So now I'm trying to convince my girlfriend that it's all this 18-month-long plot of me and a bunch of friends. Dude, that's great. Like sneaking this old lady porno tape in on each other.

I don't think she'll ever believe me because, like, we've been married for, like, years. And there'd be some old lady on the street somewhere. She's like, she's your type. You want me to get her number? She sounds cool. Oh, yeah. I've never lived that down. I mean, the explanation does sound like a lie.

No, we were putting porn in each other's VCRs for years. It's my friend's porn. It's my friend's porn. It was also not into old ladies. But yeah, she never bought it. To that day, I think every time we went to Morrison's, she probably thought I was gonna run off with somebody.

But yeah, old lady porn tape. It's probably around somewhere. I probably had to get it dipped in gold and hang it on a wall and give it to somebody as an award or something. But old lady porn. Well, you know, when you're fucking as an old person, particularly an old man,

sometimes your dick doesn't get hard. And sometimes, even as a young man, you want your dick to be at a million percent instead of just 100%. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew. BlueChew.com. B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W. Let's talk about sex.

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taking a picture of your penis but then you're so focused on composition. No. If you're a visual, you're squishing in the face. There's a balloon and they can't tell how long it is because you can't get hard. Get out of here. So you're saying you have to sneak up on it? Yeah, for the photo op. You go, whop. Kind of paparazzi dick pic kind of thing.

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You can't crop them out from the underside. That would look absurd. But do you want to present them? Do you want to really showcase them? Do you want to make sure the lighting's hitting them just right? Maybe get a little bounce? I like to send a whole PowerPoint with star wipes. I'd set up some gel lights. Things like that. I try to get sort of a

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Take them orally. Have you been doing it wrong this whole time? I mean, I haven't been doing it right. I'm going to say that. Yeah. And you, you've been using them.

You like put them all like this with a rubber band around it and go girth wise. Yeah. It's like in the early porno, the 4chan with all the Sharpies and the pooper. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

That was the thing. And then it, you could get an huge all the Sharpies and the Pooper? Yes. Yeah, that was a thing. And then you could get a huge amount of Sharpies. I start wondering, where did they get all those pens? They had to go to the store and buy all those pens. Yeah, they had to go buy them. And then they also like... Butthole Sharpies, great subreddit. Thank you, Zach.

I guarantee that they weren't like throwing them out after one use. So some poor soul is going to pick up an ass pen to try and do a little, little art or something. I mean, come on. You've done cocaine. If you got one from the middle though,

it would technically just be nested by the other Sharpies. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You'd need to keep an eye on what color it was. I need to, next time I need Sharpie, I'm going to go for green.

Cause that one's probably not. The, the hot commodity on the set of the, where it is, to keep an eye on what color it was. Next time I need a Sharpie, I'm going to go for green because that one's probably not going to be much. The hot commodity on the set of the Hot Wheels show, building cars, we were cutting so much metal, Sharpies were like somebody would steal your Sharpie. You were always looking for a Sharpie. A trick my buddy Will taught me was put the cap

from a yellow Sharpie on a black or a blue Sharpie. Nobody will steal it because it doesn't look like you can mark shit. And that's how you keep your Sharpie from getting stolen in the shop. People think it's useless. But back to your previous sponsor endorsement, though. That was a fantastic segue from

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Oh yeah. Well done. While you guys are plugging sponsors I am going to do the same because there's a cool story behind it and it's not just a average plug. There's a company up in Chattanooga, Tennessee called RMJ Tactical and a buddy of mine who is just one of the most gangster human beings I've ever known.

They make all these cool knives and tomahawks. He carried one of their tomahawks made out of some kind of crazy alloy. He took it with him to Afghanistan. And one of our planes went down and some Taliban guys were trying to like overrun it. one of our planes went down and some taliban guys were trying to like overrun it his guys like pinned down those guys you know suppress the fire and they use that tomahawk to chop the canopy out of this fighter plane to get this dude out so these things are made they're like lightweight it's like the native american tomahawk turned into some kind of tactical weapon in modern age and he and i went up to their factory of course he does like endorsements for them. He went up there a couple of years ago and they were super cool, just making all their own shit,

very craftsman style. And they watched some of my videos and they gave me a Tomahawk, kind of a Vietnam era style one. That's what the Tunnel Rat guys preferred to carry with. So I've had this thing for a couple of years and I had it with me last year

when we were on our way back from the Key West Prudhoe Bay Run. What we had done is we took an 84 Suburban that a buddy of mine owned, and he put an 850 horsepower LS motor in it and a parachute, which I built onto the back and some drag tires. Me and David and Bradley, we drove that truck from Atlanta to Key West, turned around, and got the long distance award to drive it all the way to Alaska for Alaska drag week, where we did like a drag and drive

event. You like drag race at one track, drive the same car you raced in to the next track, race it, drive the same car. It keeps people from building like trailer queen cars and having something that you can actually drive on the road as well as racing out of the whole thing oh yeah we ended up going up to prudhoe bay alaska we lapped all over we ended up driving 17 000 miles on this road trip jesus and you know at one point you know we you know we crossed of course you can't bring in guns or knives or anything like that into canada but i had this tomahawk tucked back in my camping gear because you know we never knew if we're going to get stuck out somewhere and sure enough we did you know you can imagine a 800 horsepower 40 year old chevy suburban something's going to break and especially after thousands and thousands of miles of potholes and

washboard this area called destruction bay just these really really terrible roads we're driving along and we are like 150 miles from a cell phone signal, 300 miles from a town. We're in like as far out in the Yukon Territory as you can get. And we're driving along, and we hit this really, really bad bump. And all of a sudden, the engine just like shoots up in revs, starts making some bad noises. We're kind of already off on this little spur road from the big gravel road that nobody drives on anyway. of already off on this little spur road from the big gravel road that nobody drives on anyway we pull over and sure enough like we had just passed a whole family of brown bears and brown bears are like grizzly bears like they're not like the little black bear ditch bears we got

around here they're like the eat you from the back end out kind of paws the size of your head bad bears so we just passed these bears and now the truck's dead and we're like shit like this is not gonna go well so we got no weapons no guns nothing like that but i had my tomahawk so we popped the hood what has happened is like the entire turbo manifold exhaust manifold has broken off from the head pretty much i just cracked turbo the whole exhaust kit went with it not my friend but the guy who had started this truck before my friend got a hold of it it sort of hung the whole exhaust kit went with it not my friend but the guy who had started this truck before my friend got a hold of it it sort of hung the whole exhaust cut out and everything and uh and even in a v8 i guess has an ls chevy ls in it once you run it through a turbo it becomes a big eight into one exhaust so it's got one big exhaust pipe going out the back that whole thing is just cracked off

so we are like shit like we are a thousand miles from a car parts store, hundreds of miles from a cell phone signal. We can't drive it like this because it's so close to combustion chambers. It's going to melt the pistons out of this thing. So we got to fix it. So a ways back, there was a sign and like a like a bear proof trash can with this little like a wooden base. And I took the tomahawk out and I pried it out of like i pried the board off i owe the california highway a board by the way we stole the board come back and i proceeded to take the tomahawk and like chop it into this really intricate shape that we were able to like kind of wedge into the firewall brace the whole turbo and everything else going into the kind of

core support up in the front we build this big splint we take a bunch of drink cans we found outside of the road we use the tomahawk to like cut the aluminum up because these things are like like these rmj tomahawks like they will literally you can chop through concrete with these things like the metal is just made out of like meathril and adamantium or something like you just it's amazing so we're like you know having just chopped this thing into wood we're like cutting the cans we make all these heat shields and put sticks in there to make air spaces and we ratchet strap it all together we get this whole thing this takes like we spend about 18 hours out in the bush building parts for this truck out of a tomahawk and by the way all those sharpening sticks to like ward off the bears, which are in the area.

They did not roll up on us, but like, we're basically taking turns. Like somebody's got the spear. Somebody else is working on the truck. We're kind of taking turns doing watch sleeping in the truck. We're out there for like a day and a half, build all these parts out of wood for the truck,

ratchet it all back together. We like, you know, pull the vacuum line on the blow-off valve and went on the waste gate you know he got a little bit of electricity we had left he got in with the computer kind of pulled some timing out of the motor made it run as cool as we could and then leapt it like 150 miles to some oil station where thank god the guy actually watches venwick he had seen some of my videos and welded the thing back for us but anyhow so i see the rmj guys i go to the

atlanta blade show a couple weeks ago i see the rmj guys there i tell them this story and they ended up being interested in the alaska trip which i'm about to go to and so they kind of took me on as a i guess they are my sponsor i don't know why that makes me a sponsor i've never really had like material sponsors but they gave me not only some gas money for this trip and some swag i got one of their shirts on here but they gave me a new tomahawk which this thing is like just i mean if i had to go hand to hand with anything it would be this tomahawk the handle is rated for like 7 000 volts so like it's meant for like chopping into like if a helicopter goes down in the sand it builds up a lot of static it's for chopping into those if you were like a like a first responder person you know you can use

the hook this is sharpened the beard is sharpened on the back back here but you can like hook stuff pull it you can stab it into like a piece of wood pull it out this will chop through like concrete but if you chop into like a main electrical line it won't kill you. You're onto something here that uses a metal called CPM-3V, which meant nothing to me, so I had to Google it. It's a powder metallurgy tool steel. It says it's more than double the toughness of A2 steel.

It's usually used in machining parts that are meant to machine things, but it's there in a tomahawk. They've also got some cool knives. Oh, yeah. They make some amazing stuff. It's expensive. $500 or $600. Yeah, this thing is like $700, but it is as a guy who drives a $200

car, it is worth it. This is like ... Your car gets stolen. My tomahawk! Oh, my God. I mean, if I had to have one tool out in the wilderness to survive, it would be this thing. I'm not just kissing their ass.

They make legitimately good stuff. I've had one of their tomahawks for five years now. This is the new one, but I've still got the other one. I mean, dude, you can hit rocks. You can hit concrete, bricks. You can chop through metal. Like, it's literally meant to hack through other pieces of metal, which, you know, the kind of runs we do with the cannonball stuff and some of these adventure trips we get cars like as far out

into the wilderness as you can drive in north america that's how far out we drive i mean we've been out and we've been on glaciers we've been out in some crazy places and yeah this thing man i'm like i'm kind of like hoping some crazy shit goes down in alaska next week because i kind of want to i want to be the guy that just comes like off the top rope with the thank god i got my tomahawk here but anyway so i'm really stoked to be working with these guys though like this thing is and i'm not just like like for example like i don't really like pepsi i'm a coca-cola guy but like if pepsi came along like yeah i'd probably take their money but like this stuff like i've legitimately had their stuff for half a decade,

and it is the shit. And they've got some really funny stuff. Read their item descriptions. They've got this whole line of clubs and brass knuckles. They have a set of brass knuckles called Snuckles. They have another big Warhammer called Snuggle or Cuddles. It's like this big spiky. They've got some legit weapons out there that you could tear some shit up with.

But anyway, they're typical guys. This stuff is all handmade. It's all made in America. All the materials come from America. I mean, they are really like walking the walk, but if you've never had a military grade weaponized tomahawk in your hand, it is

satisfying. What kind of pussy doesn't have any military grade tomahawks yeah i'm telling you i mean i'll tell you i'm not a you know i'm more of the like indiana jones pull the gun out shoot somebody kind of type of guy probably i'm'm not like a combatant. But like, man, if I did have to go up against a bear or a person or something, this thing, you can push with it, you can

stab with it, you can hook with it. You could deflect other stuff. It's good in close quarters. You don't need to do like, backstroke. But like, a bear's gonna fuck you up. Oh, yeah. I mean, a bear... A brown bear? please taylor you don't think brown bear oh yeah i mean am i gonna pound brown brown all right taylor first of all that's racist

they don't like to be called that that that's african second i can take a bear i don't care what color it is i'm colorblind to bears but i can take them all i i know that actually when you were out there in the wilderness were you just giving spear sharpening duty to like the one guy there i can't i couldn't hear that oh shit you yeah we've been having glitches on your your camera as well uh the past few minutes but is he there i don't know can you hear us nope no probably not i was imagining that like if i were on that expedition i would be the person tasked with like sharpening sticks because i would have no skill set in the

fixing part of it and that would be a thing like keeping me busy because like if a brown bear gets up on you there's no way a spear made by me is going to do anything other than prolong my death experience. Then why would I let you make the spear? Because you know about cars. Because he's a child that you're pacifying and occupying. Okay, Taylor, I know you have a lot of big feelings right now. Kyle, don't be mad. I ate all the food.

And I saw a squirrel, and I threw your knife at it and I missed. I don't know where the knife is now. Okay, you guys are busy. You're going to kill me. I was listening to the radio in the car. And the battery's dead. I was talking on my phone because I've been playing Temple Run. I wonder if you could self-power your alternator and recharge your battery.

They did it on Breaking Bad. Did they? Like with human power, they turned the alternator backwards? Oh, yeah, they did. Yeah, something went wrong where they broke the generator. So Walt just spent the whole night spinning the internals of a generator to produce electricity and charge a battery. I am losing you guys.

Yeah. Is that just on my end or is that happening to y'all too? It's you, Chris. It's just you. It's your internet. It would probably be your internet. Yeah.

Probably just. Yeah. It's been glitching out ever since we started talking about bear reset the router yeah okay yeah try that now reset the router so kyle a while ago was talking about videos he likes to watch while he's high and it kicked off this thought process for colin watches videos of dominoes falling like again and again and again for like hours, just dominoes falling. From my perspective, it's just audio abuse. It's really hard to be in the same room.

Yeah, that sounds bad. But it's like, yeah, autism, you know, silly kids. Not me, but if you need me, I'll be over here watching football videos sync to Here Comes the Boom for the next time. I'll be watching a man dressed like he was born in

1690 making historical pies. Shout out Townsend and Sons. I'd love to get that guy on the show in full regalia so I could learn more about the past. I don't think he'd vibe with us. Actually, no, I don't want to do that to his image. No, we could get

along with someone like that. I was toying with the idea of having that Steve MRE guy, but it's like, what do you talk about once you get past the MRE questions? You never know if someone has any. What's the best thing you've ever eaten? What's the worst thing you've ever eaten? That's the show. What do you do when you're not eating?

You look fit. You do a lot of pull-ups. We watched the hard tech guy. Which one is he? a show. What do you do when you're not eating? You look fit. A lot of pull-ups. We watched the hardtack guy. Which one is he? The hardtack guy is Townsend and Sons. Was he all dressed up? I think so. And Jackie and I watched him just explain the history of hardtack and that

I guess old-timey sailors. Old-timey sailors. We should probably just cut Christopher there. He doesn't even understand that it's his end. I think he's trying to reset his router. You guys, you got something wrong over there. It's all glitchy. I had a paramotor instructor say this about me.

He's like, Woody, you're the kind of guy that when you're driving down the highway and on the radio they warn careful there's a crazy person going the wrong way you're like one crazy person they're all going the wrong way that reminded me of christopher be like it's bad but mine wait did did jackie like townsend and sons He didn't really bring it, that video, from our perspective. She felt like it was a little slow. Watch the salt pork video. Maybe. It's got to be about something you love.

It's got to be about something you love. There's got to be passion to it. Yeah. Or the. I'm not into it either. The fat. Oh, my God. Come on.

I mean, I don't want to shit on your passion here. There's two different fat chefs like very those of you who don't know he's talking about a youtube channel and they both do really good extra like in detail cooking videos for him they're good watch them i like i definitely wouldn't watch it i just don't think i care about the historical nature of it nor do i benefit from the culinary nature of it. Does that make sense? So now I'm just looking for entertainment, and he's very dry.

So I've lost. If there's a pyramid of entertainment. He's part-tech personified. Yeah, yeah. He's tough and long-lasting and old and bland. So bland. I really appreciate his passion for what he does.

I can appreciate that in anyone who makes content of any kind. You can tell when someone really loves what they're doing and what they're talking about. He's that. I'm usually fucking bored by him and I just want to watch a police shooting. I want to watch somebody again

try to stab the police and fail that's my bag I want something a lot more mellow when I'm like sitting there late at night and I'm a little high I don't want to watch people getting shot and hurt I want to watch this guy be like

today we're going to explore what sailors were eating in 1704 and I'm like tell me about it in your goofy hat you should check out the woodworking corner of youtube they're incredibly competent their production quality is amongst the highest on the channel their their audio is perfect a lot of its voiceover but even if it's in shop it's it's great and they'll like go through their thought process on how they design some exotic piece of furniture by showing you cad drawings of the different versions that they sketched up

along the way and uh there's hilarious jokes and youtube is a hot i'm sorry the woodworking part of youtube is highly competitive and they're all racing to the top to make better and better videos than each other it It's legit. I would watch that. I don't need to be into that, into the hobby or the craftsmanship to appreciate it. I've spent hours over the years watching different sushi masters carve up fish.

I watched a... Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I probably watched an hour-long video of a guy butchering a cow and quartering it and showing all the different cuts of meat and like where he started and where he went to all right i'd watch that that sounds yeah see that was sick it was good wait what does it look like when he begins is it like really sanitized sanitized like it's already like a it's a white room and it's like a literal half cow hanging is it hair

on it yes yeah there's i i think so maybe not i don't know this was years ago but it was a great video regardless i remember enjoying it yeah yeah i can get that well i i lost you guys right after we were talking about fighting a bear with a tomahawk and as soon as that started everybody sounded like steven hawking on an auto tuner and now i'm back and now we're killing cows so i think i'm we we're all we're killing all sorts of animals yeah i was gonna ask when uh when you were in that situation with the spears did you like you just gave that task to the most useless person right like yeah you go sharpen spears for the bear well it was just it was just two of us at that point so it was just whoever was working on the truck the

other one was manning the spear like it was or a spear like it was just kind of a you know oh i imagine because we were too yeah because there was the spear wasn't a silly task to like con some child into thinking he was being useful against a grizzly bear nah this is more like life rap situation this was like two dudes and a 40 year old suburban broken down 200 miles out in the wilderness so there was like not a lot of uh there was nobody to recruit it was just like okay i'll hold the spear while you work on the truck and then you work on the truck and i'll hold the spear and yeah it's crazy to think if i were alone in that situation i would have died like i just i'd be like how do cars work i'd be like fuck i should have learned this And yeah, it's crazy to think if I were alone in that situation, I would have died.

Like, I just, I'd be like, how do cars work? And I'd be like, fuck, I should have learned that. Well, I mean, you know, somebody would have come along eventually and they, a couple of cars came through. I mean, we had it under control. You're not even in remote areas like that, even way out on like the Dalton highway between cold foot and Prudhoe bay i mean there's a trucker along every 30 minutes or so so you really you'd really have to try hard to be like a dried up skeleton eaten by bears next to your car but you know definitely uh definitely needed

something i mean it is what i want to go toe-to-toe with a bear with a spear hell no but you know or you know the top whatever it is the bear's probably gonna win but i'm gonna go out swinging so yeah it's definitely i don't have a vibe for the answer to this question but can a suburban protect you from a brown bear from a grizzly bear oh hell no i mean i've seen a bear open the top of a door frame like a mailbox like just like going for like you know che, Cheez-Its or something. Just walk up and just bend it down. Oh, yeah.

A bear would get the only thing might save you is the bear is like so big that he might not be able to reach all the way in. Like if you could like hide in the opposite sides of the car. But oh, yeah, I just tear the door right off. I mean, they're really that strong. There's just, you know, we decide not to be that motivated. the door right off i mean they're really that strong there's just you know we decided not to be that motivated yeah remember all the arguments we used to have back in the day about like the because it used to be a big internet thing where people were like oh silverback gorilla versus grizzly bear and then you actually do like a tale of the tape and it's like oh it wouldn't just be a

like the the grizzly would kill it before it really realized it was in like a, like it wouldn't be a put up your dukes fight. Like the gorilla would get butt fucked so hard and so immediately. What is the weight difference? Do you have any idea? It's like a factor of three or four to one. Yeah. I got at least double. I think it's like closer to three times as much.

And it's like nine feet tall and claws are so much better than fingernails. Oh yeah. I'm not going to say that. The gorilla is like seven, 800 pounds. Big bears, like 2000 pounds. But I feel like 700-800 pounds. Big bear's like 2,000 pounds. But I feel like bears are less danger per pound.

If you see them without fur, they're kind of fat. They wouldn't win any beauty contests. Gorillas, on the other hand... They're jacked, but think about this. It's kind of like... Bears are jacked! Yeah, the bears are jacked. If you took Brian Shaw... They're not. They're're perfect they're as strong

as bears could get which is so strong can you find a bear please find me that gift of the two adult grizzlies like duking it out by a river they're in like a marshy type area and there's like huge muscles rippling and there's i don't even know what that is i could fuck that no a grizzly bear that is a grizzly bear that is a female black bear who was dying yeah that's a black bear yeah that is not that is not grizzly bear that's how i know that's a sick bear yeah we were out we were in denali and had a bear come past the vehicle we were in. A full-size grizzly bear

is the size of a bear fall car. Can you imagine? Have you heard the tale of Woody the Bear Fighter? He slayed 30 of the beasts in a day. That's like Winnie the Pooh after he's been on meth. That's a dog.

Oh, man. Sick fucking bears. I don't like these pictures. These are sad. Taylor was a mean bear. That bear would still kick your ass. Any bear is going to kick your ass if it's motivated.

That's not true. There's like a beaver next to it. Yeah, that's like a coonskin motivated. That's not true. There's like a beaver next to it. Yeah, that's like a coonskin cat. That's a sick raccoon. I could fuck that bear up. That is a sick raccoon, isn't it? You guys all can't take bears like me. You're not trained. Why do I still exist?

It's so cold in here. In fairness to you, Zach, there are not a lot of good photos of hairless grizzly bears. You know why? Because you try and shave one. in here. All right. In fairness to you, Zach, not a lot of good photos of hairless grizzly bears on the island. You know why? Because you try and shave one. It's going to fuck you up. I did. You saw the results. When we were up at the oil station up on the coast of the Arctic

Ocean up in Prudhoe, all the buildings there, most of them are on skids because if you built a building with a regular foundation, the heat would melt the permafrost and your building would sink so all the buildings are up on these like 10 foot skids they move around with tractors and shit and there's pipes and all this equipment it's not like a town it's like a moon base yeah and like the little hotel we stayed at was like a sort of like like you think like it's almost like that thing in the abyss on the bottom of the ocean it's like

this little tube and we all kind of live in it. But the steps going up to it, because the polar bears roll up on you, like every other step was like, there's like that metal construction, like in steps you take up on like a bulldozer or something. Every other step had a two by 12 with like four inch screws and bolts like poking up out of it. So as a person, you would skip every other one that's to keep the bears from stepping on it

at the door. There's no locks on any of the doors. Like if you, if a bear rolls up, you can reasonably confidently run to any door and it will be open. So you can try to get in. Yeah. They have like,

like inside the doors, they have like pepper spray, like bear spray hanging on a string by the door. There's a bucket of spikes. So like, if you could get in the doors, they have like pepper spray, like bear spray hanging on a string by the door. There's a bucket of spikes. So like if you could get in the door, you can like barricade the door with something and use the sticks to like poke the bear away while you're spraying the bear,

hoping the bear steps on the spiky strips. And then like the unused door in the building, they had piled all of the exercise equipment from the gym and just like barricaded the door with a nautilus machine like it was crazy and like i went out you know just kind of walking around the oil station which is big i mean it's miles across you know looking at all these cool trucks you know these big monster truck tires and shit on them and like you got to keep your head on swivel because like the polar bears will straight up roll up on people and

like there's just nothing you can do i mean they can run 40 miles an hour and they're 11 feet tall and they can turn a car over and tear a door off its hinges like they can smell you largest land predator i'm sorry it's the biggest land predator in the world yeah absolutely there's just nothing you can do like you know like if it's a territorial thing with a grizzly bear, you might could play dead. If it's like a black bear, you might could bluff it like a polar bear. It's just going to eat you. Like there's just nothing. There's nothing. Yeah, those other bears you mentioned are mostly omnivores, whereas the polar bear just eats meat. Just eats meat. Supposedly their liver's got like a fatal level of vitamin A in it to us for that very reason.

Yeah. We saw one maybe five miles out. I say I saw a polar bear, meaning that there was a white dot out on the horizon. The last hundred and fifty miles. You're coming off as a bit of a sissy. Polar bears are not that scary. That's pretty fucking cute. You're coming off as a bit of a sissy.

Polar bears are not that scary. That's pretty fucking cute. You know, the last 200 miles to Prudhoe is just a straight road across grass. I mean, there's nothing out there. And we saw like a white dot probably four or five miles out that had to have been a polar bear because it wouldn't have been anything else. But, man, that was as close as I wanted to get because those things are, I mean, they looking and when you see them like stuff rolling around and playing with their babies like they're cute but like their paw is the size of like your torso i mean they're just massive and they are starting to see grizzly bears cross breeding with polar bears now. Because their ice shelf is melting so they can't get back on the float ice.

They're hanging out through the breeding season and hooking up with the ground bears. There is a Pizzly crowd, but get out of here with that. I don't think there's anyone. But a growler bear seems less scary, right? And it rolls off the tongue. Oh, I love the name.

Let's set that issue aside. I'm finished. Growler bear, you say? I like that. Is that what you say? I like that name. A purebred polar bear is bigger and scarier than a grizzly bear, right? So you're just diluting and sort of downgrading.

Yeah, but it's like going from a cruise missile to a bazooka, though. You're still slightly less, but it's also like an extra jacked grizzly bear, which is already one of the most terrifying animals on the planet. He's pretty cute, though. He looks like you

could snuggle him, but I have a feeling that you could not. He looks sad. He does look kind of sad. Okay, this guy's like scratching his ass. He's having a blast. He's like, Bat Rock right there. Getting there deep. But like, for perspective,

you couldn't put your arms around that thing's neck because it's that jack. It's too big to hug him. I don't think I've ever seen one. I know I've seen black bears in the wild. Or not in the wild, but when you go to Pigeon Forge, they have this wildlife thing where it's kind of in the wild. Yeah, Roaring Fork, that's really cool.

Zach, can you find a picture of somebody holding a polar bear's paw for perspective? Yeah, I know there was always the story that they had the big mounted grizzly at the Alaska airport when you flew in. And to give people who are like tourists, I guess, some perspective into what they were talking about. If they're going bear watching or bear hunting or bear looking, looing or whatever. They're gargantuan. The bear can stand up and put its front paws on like a one story house's roof. Man, that looks cool, right?

And that's not a full-size one because I've stood next to some taxidermied ones. And I mean, obviously you see them in the zoos and stuff, but I mean, they're cute and they look like a big white German shepherd. That's pretty funny. But yeah, I mean, and like how fast, that's what they were telling us up at the oil station too they were like you know these things can sprint at 40 miles an hour so like you know don't get out of your car to take a picture of it because it will close a gap on you like way faster than you think and you know but again you knowahawk, if I had to pick a weapon, it would be the Tomahawk.

But, you know, I'm going to go out poorly. You need a shot. Indiana Jones. Hey, good luck getting a shot. I'm going to do Canada, man. Like you can fly into Alaska and bring a gun with you like by air. But if you're driving through Canada, man, you can't. I don't think I think like three inches is a limit on like a pocket knife.

man you can't i don't think i think like three inches is the limit on like a pocket knife i mean they are i looked it up because it's i i hadn't heard that you couldn't bring a knife to canada it surprised me and uh it turns out you can bring something like a bowie knife but a folding pocket knife you can't bring in which isn't what i expected that's what yeah they're pretty straight up cool up there yeah we got pulled when we drove the Charger into Canada to go shoot it off the cliff. It was a former police car, which they were already sketchy on. And the key it came with had a handcuff key on the key ring with the police car that was still on there. And my buddy that owned it, he like his Florida plate on the back, but it still had the Texas front plate on it.

So we kind of got pulled off to the side. And when they saw the handcuff key, we got like detained and they completely field stripped that whole car just over a handcuff key. Like thinking we were going to go up there and like get arrested and get away or something. But yeah, Canada is,

I mean, Canadians are very nice people, but yeah, they do not have aadians are very nice people but yeah they do not have a sense of humor at the border man i keep my handcuff key on my key chain because i figure if i ever accidentally uh like get a girlfriend locked up and i lose the key i know where one is i know exactly where one is and and uh and so you feel like you need a handcuff key to unlock the handcuffs? I mean, if we're in a survival situation and I had a bobby

pin, I'm almost positive I can open handcuffs with a bobby pin, for sure. If you pop out the little binder clips, the little black ones that they use. You gotta stop interrupting me, man. If you pop a little handle out of that, it'll kind of work. Christopher, I think you're lagging behind a little bit, and it's kind of ruining the show, because you talk over that, it'll kind of work. Christopher, I think you're lagging behind a little bit,

and it's kind of ruining the show because you talk over us, and we kind of get pulled over by you. I'm sorry, man. I think it's a tech issue. I think you're on it because I noticed it earlier in the show. I haven't said anything, and I think he just doesn't know that we're talking. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, you guys sound like Stephen Hawking on an auto-tuner sometimes.

Yeah, that's on your end. It's your internet bandwidth. Yeah, I'm kind of out in the sticks out here, so I don't have the fastest internet. Well, apologies for the talking over. I don't mean to do that. It's all good. When you do hand signals.

Or when you're passing the conch in Lord of the Flies or something. I haven't seen that. And I didn't have to read it. I feel like I was the only person in the 90s in early 2000s who didn't have to read Lord of the Flies. I liked it more than most. I didn't like every book they made us read, but that one worked for me.

I learned about what it was about from the Simpsons episode where they go to the island. It's a good Simpsons. Yeah. Where Otto doesn't die at the end. Somehow he stays alive. Anyway, I just got back. What are we talking about?

Fighting bears. Oh, damn, still? You know, I have a topic. I saved it. What's a smell that most people think is good, but you think is repulsive? Lavender. Oh, somebody said that.

That's crazy. Lavender's great. I like lavender. It can be a little like chemically, but the one I had, it's not most people, but a lot of people I know in my world think gasoline smells good, but not to me. Smells fine. I wouldn't light a

candle that smelled like gasoline. They sell them. Yeah, I don't like it that much. I don't want my house to smell like gasoline. The higher the octane, the better it smells. It smells good. Yeah, like race fuel gets this really sweet kind of smell to it when you get up to like the 106 octane and 110 and all that.

Yeah, I like gasoline smell, but that's probably like cultural for me too because like it reminds me of racing and stuff i like the smell of the burnt rubber too like at the at the drag strip that like i just i pictured it and i smelled it just now like i closed my eyes and i pictured that car burning out and like getting ready to go and it's like yep that's gasoline exhaust and fuck like high octane at 110 octane uh racing fuel and that burning rubber that has to be cancer cancer causing it has to be it's terrible i have a candle that actually smells like that when you burn it the candle looks like a tire and it smells

like burning rubber but yeah it's got to be terrible yeah some i've got a i feel like i've got good taste in smells like you not liking lavender is that's a strike against that's a granny smell no no you're so wrong lavender is a relaxing smell we all think less of you kyle yeah A grandma smell is like... Lavender. No, no, no. It's potpourri, which is lavender. Potpourri is an amalgamation of different scents, and lavender is a different put. But lavender brings them all over. Oh, yeah, that rose is so overpowering.

No, the lavender is. Lavender is the smell of death and decay. Yeah, okay, fine. No, you can't have this. Lavender's great. and decay. Yeah. Okay, fine. No, you can't have this. Lavender's great. It's a great scent. I'll go to the mats.

Yeah, I'll go to the mats over lavender. I have made for myself probably a dozen lavender candles and I burn them. They smell great. It makes my house relaxing. It's a nice smell. It's not the only smell I like. I also like- Did you give one to your grandma? Wood, sandalwood. No, my grandma, I did give her a candle, but I think she likes very clean scents.

And so I gave her a lemon scented candle that was a little sharper, a little crisper of a smell. The only common scent in candles that I don't like is those sickly sweet vanilla. It smells like a donut house. It's too sweet. It's too much of that. Love it. Pumpkin pie, fucking candy.

Apple strudel, peach cobbler. I want the whole house to smell like a dessert bakery. No, that's trashy. I love the smell of lavender. If you drive through the south of France in the summertime, they grow that there as a major crop. The air just smells like lavender.

It's amazing. It's very calming. I used to have my last office job, where I worked in a studio with other humans, was so stressful. There was a have my last office job, like where I worked in a studio with other humans was like so stressful. There was like a candle shop down the street and I would go down there about three times a week and just smell lavender candles to keep from driving my truck through the front of our office. Sometimes like it was like probably save people's lives, but I'm with you. I'm with the, with the sweet smells. I mean, it's an excellent question. Like the thing you're talking about, like there's like fudge shops and brownies and cupcakes and all that bakery smells. Like it just smells like diabetes to me.

I just can't. I can't do those sweet smells like that. I need the sweet smells if it's going to be a meat. Like if I'm in a fudgery and it smells like fudge, that smells great because I'm about to eat fudge. Like it's the association zoom past the notion that he loves things that smell like cancer but can't stand diabetes yeah he's a little silly oh just just different diseases yeah pick your poison yeah just uh yeah that sweet stuff is just really overpowering makes me feel kind of gross but yeah some chemical thing just smells like speed.

Pumpkin pie, like all those pie or like fall smelling like sweet treat candles. I hate those. Oh, watermelon for breeze. Yeah, I get the watermelon for breeze. That's fucking ridiculous, dude. I go over to the couch and I'm like, the whole thing smells like that old bubblicious gum. The whole fucking place.

You're making it sound so much worse. It like gum like you don't like these things didn't i don't like the smell of fudge i don't see why that's here or there and no i don't have any fudge remaining i want a little ham on it there's no evidence that i at any point owned any fudge. Yeah, I did. I did. I went when I was in Gatlinburg hiking in the Smokies this past weekend. They had a fudge shop on every corner.

Like three, not even one every corner, like three a block. And so I popped in and I bought fudge at one of them. And I went back out and was walking. and I bought fudge at one of them and I went back out and was walking and I realized when I passed the next fudgery that I'm like, oh, I'm an idiot. I clearly went to an inferior fudgery. This place is great. And so I went in there and I bought more fudge.

And then I ate so much of it that evening at the cabin that I woke up the next day and I was like, I kind of feel off. My blood sugar is 400 am I tired from the hike no I do more physical activity than that very regularly what could it be and I walk out and I see just

wax paper strewn about in some place torn because in my fury I couldn't unwrap it correctly tore it out there are bite marks in the wax it was fantastic did a grizzly bear eat my fudge i ate so much fudge and so like like once every like eight months or so usually it lines up on halloween like i will eat a ton

of sweets and then i'll have no sweets at all for another six, eight, 10 months. So now I won't have any sweets until the next time I happen upon a fudgery, more likely than not. Oh, I did go to Bucky's, that gas station that people rave about that's huge. Yeah, I went at the worst possible time. On the way home, my girlfriend was driving. She took the first shift and I was sleeping and it was still like, like so early, like it's like 7am or something. And she pulled in to get gas and I didn't know when we were going to be parking next. So I got up to pee and we're at Bucky's and like, I walk in and it's like, it's the loudest, brightest gas station I've ever walked through. It's like a mall and I'm passing, there's like it's the loudest brightest gas station i've ever walked through it's like a mall

and i'm passing there's like a middle first time i haven't been yeah yeah it was the first time i've been in a bucky's it was huge and there's i'm like hair messed up eyes barely awake i'm in sweatpants and i'm you know trudging to go pee. And like, I'm passing this, there's this booth, not even, not even the booth. There's like a center in the middle of it. That's walled off.

And it's like a barbecue place. And so as I'm walking by, there's this dude with like a big blade and there's a big giant brisket in front of him. And he yells, he's like, let's get on the boat. Literally. I'm walking by and this guy yells and i'm like he startled me brisket on the bone is taylor's no brisket on the board he

was like brisket on the board and then he started chopping the brisket up and everybody around him like echoed it was like brisket on the board and it was wild and so i went to the bathroom and it doesn't take long to pee like like two minutes like go in there pee wash your hands come out and i'm like leaving and as i'm leaving he goes brisket on the board and everyone got brisket on the board and i'm like how often is this happening like every person here is like an arthur fleck joker style story happening what you take when you get a maladjusted loner yelling brisket on the board five hours a day it was it was wow the brisket looked decent but it was too early brisket no that's crazy

i think you've been to. When we were coming back from the Lozon fight in Boston or whatever, we stopped at one of those, right? Did we go to a Buc-ee's? If it wasn't a Buc-ee's, it was some other gargantuan gas station chain. I think it was one of those gas station complexes. In the Northeast, there are toll roads,

which means that there aren't regular gas stations that you just take an exit to. Instead, there are these centers where there's like a gas station complex, but it's not a Buc-ee's. And I think it might be run by the state. There's Wendy's and gas station, but the complex is the state. Yeah, I just remember there being like a hundred pumps.

It was so many. Maybe in Texas, I went to one of those too. There's lots of cool fucking one-off type little travel centers in Texas though, that are fun to stop at. It'll be like a barbecue restaurant, gift shop,

gas station. Um, there used to be a truck stop in Shamrock, Texas in the middle of the truck stop. They had like a big, I don't know. It was about the size of an above ground swimming pool. And it was a tiny little wild west town that was populated by lizards and they all just kind of wandered in and out of the little buildings and it was just like this little wild

west town full of lizards and that was the hook i thought that was great i was in texas just having um a meal of some sort probably lunch and everyone in the restaurant wore cowboy hats and cowboy boots and button down shirts. And I'm like, how many of these people are real cowboys and how many of them are cosplaying as wannabe cowboys? That's pretty much what I do. I did grow up on a horse farm and had a horse and do not lasso stuff,

but I hadn't done that shit in 30 years. Just trying to stay. I was going to mention earlier mention earlier i love the hat thank you very much this hat came from the equator um there was some guy being done there i have found a trick with the hat though for whatever reason you can get away with shit wearing a cowboy hat that you cannot normally get away with slurs it's something about like i don't know it's like like for example like the opposite of a cowboy hat would be like a hoodie you know let's say like you're trying to you know i would agree with that yeah you're like in some concert or something and you want to get backstage or there's some event going on you want to get like into the pits or whatever you know

hoodie pulled up like you look like you're up to something security stops you like with cowboy head on you're just like hey how you doing blah blah blah i see your bar walk like you're up to something. Security stops you. Like with cowboy hat on, you're just like, hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah. See you, Bart. Like you just walk through. And something about like the size of the hat gives you like this. You're obviously not trying to hide because you look like some asshole in a cowboy hat. So whatever you're doing, if you walk with confidence, it's like you just must be doing it. Yeah.

Kind of like when Dale Earnhardt was taken to the hospital in Daytona after his fatal accident. When Dale Earnhardt was taken to the hospital in Daytona after his fatal accident, Richard Petty comes walking into the ER, supposedly, and just walks straight past the security people going into the back. They're like, sir, you can't go back here. He was like, that's okay, darling. I can go wherever I want to. He just walked up through.

You just have to channel your inner Richard Petty with the hat. Tell everybody a picture of Richard Petty. That's important, Zach. Yeah, yeah. Richard Petty, the king of NASCAR. I was named after his son. Yeah, exactly. I'm not even that big of a NASCAR fan, but he's just a legendary dude.

But anyway, something about the hat, I don't know. You can just kind of get away with shit. People just think you're not up to something when you have a cowboy hat on you know i want to start dressing like every picture zach has found so far has been like helpful to me and hurtful to you yeah yeah we're often like we'll have like an argument about about a thing and i'll be like no bears are scary and what he's like now they're pussies and Zach will show sick bears. It's like, see, Woody's clearly right here. Those aren't lies. This is real. That reminds me of like Arnold

talking about his stogie and how he could smoke it wherever he wants and nobody would correct him because he was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Do you think that it would be a good look to dress like Colonel Sanders? Like white suit, white hat? I don't know.

Are you going to do the hair and the facial hair? All right, let me just say this before we get started. If you shave off your beard, the chops on the side, everything, you are Colonel Sanders ready if you dye that white. If you just went white and then you've got the Colonel Sanders thing. If I saw you walk into my... I would show some respect. I think you should do it for Halloween.

A cane. A cane. Give me your best old southern Colonel accent. Yeah, you got the word boy in a lot. Like Foghorn Leghorn. Yeah, it would have to be a little Foghorn Leghorn- well, it'd have to be a little foghorn leghorn-ish.

I'd have to ease into it before I got into all of my racist theories. Sharper when you do those amplifiers. You got it. Yeah, well, a little sharper on the... I would put hard R's at the end of my word. We could always use a hard R's at the end of my word. Colonel always uses a hard R. Yeah. You got to drop the final R, though.

You got to be like, I'm going down the street, get me a big old cheeseburger. That's the name of my documentary. Yeah, if we ever get canceled, that'll be the name of the docuseries. The final R. The final R. The hardest R.

Supposedly, Colonel Sanders wore that white suit. He came from the railroad. And somebody told me this story that he was like the guy that shoveled the coal from the coal car into the burner of the steam locomotive. And he was really fast at it. And his flex was that he could do it so cleanly with this white suit on that like he wouldn't get dirty and covered in coal that that's where he got his look that carried on into his chicken empire thing now that is that is a tall tale that's a paul bunyan level coal is dusty as heck yeah yeah somebody please correct me on that just somebody told me that story

the other colonel saying Sanders story I know. You're right. No, you're like 99% right. His job was on there. The guy who shovels the coal, that's the good job. Colonel Sanders had to scrape the coal ash from the steam engines, which has got to be the shit to your job. That's a good backstory.

I thought he was always in the trouble. I was told a tall tale about Colonel Sanders. I've never done any research to see if it was real but it was the whole thing about when he and his wife divorced she kept the original kfc uh secret recipe and started her own little uh restaurant there that's in kentucky i've been to it it's more of a like sit down at a dinner table and they like serve you family place, and it is not fast food. It's closer to fine dining than fast food. I'm sure that the...

There's no way that if it's only 11 herbs and spices that he would forget it. 23 is Coca-Cola, isn't it? 23 is Dr. Pepper. 11 herbs and spices is the KFC way. I would call Bumper somebody somebody told me their instagram that

they own their corporate instagram only follows like 11 people named herb or spice yeah yeah i saw that they're like years ago like someone posted a screenshot that like the kfc twitter only followed 11 or followed the spice girls and like six guys named Herb. Yeah, that was it. So my favorite Colonel Sanders story, old biker buddy of mine is from the same town in Kentucky where Colonel Sanders was from. And this is like years ago, you know, 60s, back in the 60s or something. Anyway,

there was this old house in town that for years had been a brothel and supposedly everybody's granddad or whoever, either their first time, like their dad would take them down there to have their first time with a girl or they'd save up their friends with their, and whatever. Anyway, a lot of men of the town all had their first time in this brothel.

And the building had long since become something else, you know, hair salon apartments, whatever. And at some point it was going to get torn down and they were raising money, some kind of historical society to preserve this house. And, you know, several people donated money and that kind of raised some eyebrows and whatnot. And they came up like fifty thousand dollars short or some big amount short. And at the last minute, Colonel Sanders came in and gave them the money to save

that house presumably that he had also had a special moment in that house back in the day but yeah you know he became a wild card at the end and the kfc corporation had to cut him loose he would go he would go into the restaurants start talking shit about how dirty they were and how bad the chicken tasted he said he really tasted he said their gravy tasted like paste, glue. He'd go into a random KFC and lose his shit. Can you imagine? I like that. You need a passionate

owner if you're going to maintain high quality chicken. For a little while, KFC had a great ad campaign. They would have a different colonel every commercial almost. Norm MacDonald, very good Colonel Sanders. John Goodman did a parody of it. He's

kind of shitting on it. He's like, Church's chicken hates the gays, but not here. The Colonel loves the gays. Hell, I might even be gay. He's just completely selling out. He cuts aside to the camera he's like

well if i'm being honest he drops the axe i don't even give a shit you're all just money mouths eating and buying and then it goes and goes back to the old time music in the in the fun in the fun commercial it's a really good parody i like that he's a real guy. Like Long John Silver, not a real guy. Captain Gene, not a real guy. Captain Bully, not a guy. Not a guy at all. They're all not guys. Just a little bit less not a guy.

Not real cows. Yeah, remember Wendy? Wendy was real wendy was real but then they like they used a hot actress to play wendy because i think they did a limited run with the actual wendy yeah like this reminds me i'm eating fast food like you're overweight i don't want to eat that yeah actual wendy's uh buddy of mine was from Columbia, South Carolina, where Dave Thomas was from. And I say, I'm 50, real Wendy's, I don't know,

five or ten years older than I would be because my friend was this age. According to him, you know, growing up in school, everybody around there had these, like, crazy Wendy stories because she was, like, you know, kind of crazy rich girl. She's like that girl would like get drunk and show up at your house and crash her Corvette into your fountain or something. Like she was this complete party girl kind of train wreck. And that people had all these wild Wendy stories about real life.

Wendy out spending her dad's money on drugs and stuff. You got that square burger money burning a hole in your pocket. You didn't build the franchise, so you don't have the work ethic to maintain it. You're just partying. I saw Dave Thomas testify in front of Congress. It was pretty cool. I guess he was adopted

and he was talking about kids and parents and divorce and whatever. They asked him, that's the real Wendy, I asked Zach to pull up. Anyway, he was just like, I don't know what to do about kids from separate homes because they're

going to play one dad against the mom and fire them against each other. It just seemed like a real moment. I like Dave Thomas. Yeah. I've never really been a big Wendy's guy. No. I remember when it was Dave Thomas in the commercials and the packaging

was all yellow and red. They were just introducing the spicy chicken sandwich. It was like, these guys are on top. I think they won the chicken. They had a hockey commercial where the spicy chicken sandwich was melting the hockey ice down. I think there was some hockey players.

The chicken sandwich wars, everyone thinks Chick-fil-A won. Everybody's wrong but me. Yeah, Chick-fil-A did win handily, easily. I covered this already. No, no. We will re-litigate this for the next 49 minutes if we have to. Because it's so crazy that you think Wendy's won that. Even Wendy's doesn't think they won.

No. The fact that Chick-fil-A couldn't get canceled with all that anti-gay stuff coming out, and it wasn't like they tweeted something or said something insensitive. They send money to those countries that make homosexuality a crime. Have a blessed day,

homo. They're giving you your bag. Gay people were like, fuck it. Have some good ass chicken. I don't care about bigotry when it comes to food. If there was a place called Stalin's Burritos

and it was the absolute best and it's like, welcome my friends to Stalin's Burritos. To partake in these burritos you must give a Soviet salute and deny holodomor genocide. I'd be like, it never happened to me. I don't actually know. Did that...

It's not that one. You're very good at accents, by the way. What if there was, like, Hitler's... I don't know. Where you hit your chest? You know, that's where they put me out in the old shows about Rome. They'll be like,

and I'll be like, that's not where they stopped and you shouldn't have to stop here because they didn't even know about this Hitler guy that was coming about. There was thousands of years. But if there was Hitler's donuts and they were the best donuts. Donuts?

It is a good thing I dropped out of art school and pursued mature passion of train scheduling and donuts. Like, you'd go in and eat it, right? What do you have, a sweet tooth? You'd go to Hitler's Donuts. You're not wrong. Yeah. I don't think I would go to Hitler's Donuts.

I'll go to Subway on occasion, and that guy was a pedophile. He didn't have anything to do with the making of the sandwiches or the corporate told me about the existence of the sweet onion chicken teriyaki. And that's what kept me going back. I've never had that sandwich. It was the only decent one. It's probably not good anymore. Yeah, I like the meatballs.

I guess it's not that. No, it's pretty bad. But it's I go into Subway thinking this will be a slightly healthier meal, even though I know the bread is actually not bread because it's a bad, but it's, I go into subway thinking this will be a slightly healthier meal, even though I know the bread is actually not bread. Cause it's a loaf of bread and, uh, actually order the meatball. It's like the worst thing on the menu for you.

But you know, when presented with the meatball sandwich, what are you going to say? No. Give me the white double cheese bread. And then just put the lowest quality meat you have. Love it. I went to, I was in the airport in India, and the only place to eat was a subway.

But, you know, with religious reasons, they don't serve the same meats that we get at this subway here. And I'm not lying. This is, and I've eaten some weird stuff. I mean, I've had live silkworm caterpillars and whale and dog and horses and testicles and all kinds of weird shit that whatever cold cut combo I had was the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. Like I'm pretty cheap. Like, I mean, to get me to waste food is hard, but like, I really just couldn't finish it. I was like, this is not, it was like,

it tasted like petroleum products somehow. Like it was – oh, my God. It was awful. Who do you think won the fast food chicken sandwich wars? You know, I mean, I don't know who was fighting at the time, but that one at Popeye's is pretty good. Popeye's? Popeye's was – Popeye's was all breading.

It's too much breading on the Popeye's one. I tried it, and it was like I was getting whole bites of breading it's too much breading on the popeyes one i tried it and it was like i was getting whole bites of breading before i was even approaching the the chicken center of it yeah the the first the first few months they've made them extra crispy there they dial it back a little bit but uh popeyes is good i do like chick-fil-a i'm gonna have to vote with taylor on that like the wendy's one is just not there. I rolled through a town one time where a McDonald's was like the only thing to eat in the town.

And I rolled through the drive through and I get like what seemed the least offensive thing, which was like a crispy chicken sandwich from McDonald's. And I get my drink and whatever, my fries, of course the fries have a half life of like a minute, 15 seconds. So you got to eat the fries first.

I'm like five miles from the place. And, you know, I get into the chicken sandwich and I take a bite. And, you know, I kind of think about it for a second. I take another bite. And I'm like, I mean, it didn't taste bad, but I was like, what is this reminiscent of? And I was like, it was so bland and waxy. I was thinking like if Yankee Candle made a chicken-scented candle

and then you ate the candle, that's what this tastes like. It was just like chicken-scented something on the bun, but it was not chicken. That's the kind of candle that Kyle would like with his terrible candle taste. I can say it. Don't tell him you can smack. I didn't like the comments. There's a YouTube channel I follow.

It's got a fat electrician. Have you ever watched him? No, I don't think so. It's really funny. He mainly does like military history things, but he's like really funny. It's kind of like a drunk history. He's not drunk,

but just he tells you like military history or like the history of the 1911 or some like funny like seemingly unrelated events that came to cause the cuban missile crisis or whatever you know really funny backstories but every now and then he'll do like a breakdown of like doritos or whatever and he did one on chick-fil-a and and really did like a market assessment like kind of comparing chick-fil-A to McDonald's, for example, about, you know, Chick-fil-A has like 11 things on their menu. They have chicken done two different ways. They're kind of open door customer service policy of like whatever you want. They just give it to you compared to McDonald's, which had like 28 things on the menu and like 14 different burger combinations. And, and it broke it down into like,

like how much stuff a McDonald's employee has to learn and not get wrong. And each Avenue that those calls like problems with people waiting in line to get, Oh, you, this one has two pieces of meat. It should have had one or this one had pickles. This one had sesame seed. This one didn't about how like McDonald's and other fast food places complicate their staffing and people's wait time to get food by having more complicated menus. Whereas Chick Fil A, by streamlining that, basically gets people in and out faster. They're able to pay their employees better. They get better employees. The whole thing kind of goes uphill. He also broke it down about, you know, like with Wendy's, Burger King, McDonald's, whatever.

You get these like holding groups that come in. They own, you know, 150 different stores and they never even see the places. Whereas Chick-fil-A like owns all of their stores. You can be an operator and a friend of mine's wife actually is kind of the head of the people who like they vet people out it's like one in a thousand people even get approved to operate a chick-fil-a and you have to like start at the bottom kind of like waffle house like you got to like mop floors work the fries like to even be an executive at chick-fil-a you have to have done every one of those jobs and by the fact that you're not just some, you know, and if you operate one, yeah, you might make 200 grand a year running a successful Chick-fil-A, but by their corporate model, even that guy mopping the floor, that girl on the milkshake machine could theoretically work

her way up through that process and be a store owner. Therefore, their employees are more vested in working there than, you know, somebody at a Wendy's where it's just owned by some group. You're never going to be the owner. You're just going to kind of work there. So fuck it. Anyway, he did a really interesting breakdown on like how Chick-fil-A is so successful.

And more importantly, like scale, like size wise, I can't remember the breakdown with the numbers, but they're like the, I don't know, the fifth or't know the fifth or sixth most successful fast food chain but they do it with less than 10 percent of the

number of stores that mcdonald's or when you know there's like i don't know 40 000 yeah and but like with chick-fil-a's there's only like i don't know 10 000 chick-fil-a's or something anyhow it was this pretty smart business model and you know politics aside like they really have thought out their process pretty well that you know which lets them have that kind of profitability and you know it is it's a good chicken sandwich i will i will confess i looked into buying franchises at one point and i was curious about it uh a wendy's you can own a wendy's they're about two million dollars and uh yeah franchises are more expensive than you might guess but a wendy's about two million And I was curious about it. A Wendy's, you can own a Wendy's. They're about $2 million. Oh, wow.

And yeah, franchises are more expensive than you might guess. But a Wendy's is about $2 million to get going. A Chick-fil-A is like 300 grand. But the difference is you can't own a Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A owns all those Chick-fil-As. What you're doing for that 300 grand is you're buying a job, a pretty good job. You can only own one Chick-fil-A. You can own as many Wendy's or McDonald's or whatever you want, but you can only own one Chick-fil-A.

That's your job and you work there. And I said own, I shouldn't have phrased it like that. You're buying a job. You work for this place, but you get the profits from it. And when it's time to sell it, you don't own it. You just leave that job. So it's a different mark. It's a different way of doing it. But Chick-fil-A franchises, I guess they're nice if you're not rich already because you can get it like 300 grand a lot. But it's an amount that people can get to. Right. A lot of homes are that much like you can get there. But two million. And you would think a bank would be likely to sign on that one.

It's you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I didn't look at it through that lens. They can get their money back. Yeah, yeah. But what sticks is when you're not building your own business. I want an in-and-out. I'm not in-and-out. Takeout.

You know that place that I always talk about? Cookout? Cookout. Thank you. You know. When a cookout comes into a new market, it's a lockdown situation. They need police officers there to handle the traffic.

They do double, triple, quadruple lines at the beginning, like a theme park, and then they slowly break down to smaller lines. They're taking your order out in the parking lot. It's like the circus came to town. It's wild. Look, it's not the best food I've ever had, but it's a cool experience. They got like 30-something to town. It's wild. And it's, look, it's not the best food I've ever had, but it's a cool experience.

They got like 30-something milkshakes, for example. They have one menu for milkshakes. And it's like, this is our milkshake menu. It's like, holy shit, I've never seen that before. And instead of just fries being sort of the default, and Burger King and McDonald's try to act like they got eight different sides, but you know what they got.

They got fries and onion rings, maybe. But they'll be like, yeah, you want a chicken quesadilla instead? Yeah, I do want a chicken quesadilla instead. Give me that instead of fries. They do ridiculous combos. It'll be like barbecue, pork, a corn dog, and a quesadilla will be one of their combos. Those places are nice. It's cheap as hell, and they're there at two in the morning. Everybody else has been closed for three hours.

Yeah, I've stopped there on road trips before. It's the only place open in some sleepy little town in the Carolinas. The other thing I looked into buying, and it was actually my leading candidate because it's the job I think I'd enjoy the most. I was like, I should own a movie theater. This is pre-COVID. That would have been the biggest financial mistake of my life. That would have been so bad. You would have been the biggest financial mistake of my life that would have been so bad oh you'd have been like randy marsh i don't know if you've seen this episode but there's an

episode where randy decides to invest in blockbuster and he's got all the speaking points down that he clearly got from the blockbuster salesman maybe he's like studies have shown that in remote rural areas bandwidth is not yet significant enough to provide DVD playback for customers, and therefore rental spots are still the best bang for the buck to get your video watching done. It just is. It just is. He's like, right, Randy.

And they're all sitting going insane in his Blockbuster. There's a ghost there. It's so old it's haunted. And he's like, it's not that old. I read that, I think Paramount or sony no sony sony just bought all the uh the draft house um alamo draft house draft house uh corp like like all those really nice uh theaters i just don't go anymore you know i used to go all the time often when we're talking about movies i'd be like yep saw that one in theaters yep saw that one in theaters because i used to go every weekend and sometimes i would stay there all day i'd watch two or three in a row you know like you don't

have to pay for those other tickets once you're back behind the ticket counter that's how it works yeah i used to see all kinds of movies at theaters and then i dwindled only to ones that really benefited from the theater experience, like Marvel type stuff or the Martian. Um, and now I just don't go. Yeah,

I don't go. I feel bad that I don't go. Just a couple. I think the, the, the second avatar and top gun, I think is the only ones I've gone to see, but yeah,

same reason. Like if it's going to kick ass on the screen, but I mean, for, you know, if you take a date or something, you talk about like 55 bucks just to go see movies you know i mean that's just a lot of money to go sit you got to bring the kind of girl who's good with smuggling in candy if she doesn't want to put candy in her purse she's not for me absolutely yeah if you're

not willing to go on the cheap because if you're gonna be with me you're gonna be doing some cheap stuff including yeah i i used to go all the time we would we would take uh lunch in with us i'd get two chipotle burritos and throw them in her purse and we'd be in there having the best like lunch ever watching some new movie i don't like that you did that why it's amazing it's a it's too fragrant a meal oh with everyone i'm on team Kyle here. One of my favorite movie experiences ever. I snuck out of work. I went with my boys and we brought five guys. Hot sauce

and fucking, I don't know, lavender candles. Two more lavender on there. Double lavender. It's like some super, super quiet, tense part of the movie and somebody lays into a crunchy taco or something. You're like, wait for the jump scare. It's like some super, super quiet, tense part of the movie, and somebody lays into a crunchy taco or something. You're waiting for the jump scare.

It's like... And I'll tell you what also puts me off from it. I see so, so many videos of people being disrespectful and awful at movie theaters. People just on their phones and talking and fighting, and if you correct them, you're assaulted or someone gets shot you know i i've seen fistfights going down i see big groups of the usual suspects you know just going eight shit over yeah that's what i was referring to going eight shit um you know and just

just screaming and ruining the experience for everyone it's like like, what am I going to do? Go up there. Excuse me, sir. Those youths have ruined my viewing experience. Could I have my $37 back, please? This is the burrito guy. They tackle me. They do a crack in there.

You're being let out. What is the charge? Am I being detained? I'm not Mexican, man. Democracy manifest. I see you know your judo well. That makes me laugh every fucking time. I love that.

It's interesting. Red Letter Media, which is my favorite movie review people on YouTube, just did a video. I think it's called The Death of the Movie theater the death of uh something like that it's over a million views it's really good and they talk about some of the stuff we've talked about how it's it's overpriced it's inconvenient the viewing experience is often bad and the the crowd there is is is awful to be around sometimes yeah i'm having a new twist on this though like first there were all kinds of movies that could succeed in the movie theater rom-coms the martian marvel etc and then it sort

of got limited to just blockbusters you know you had to be a marvel movie or a top gun or something like that for it to be successful at the theaters so they all started going to sequels and franchises and things that were guaranteed hits if the movies die then they can go back to trying things experimenting with lower budget stuff the rom-coms the story driven things because it's just going to be on netflix and hbo go i guess it's just go now or max it's me i kick you terrible marketing yeah why did they lose hbo but anyway um oh i'm sorry no go ahead yeah yeah so i just think that if we're gonna start streaming stuff and it doesn't necessarily have to make all its money in three and a half weeks at the theaters then maybe we can build different types of movies again see i'm glad you said that the three and a half weeks in theaters thing is a

big part like it seems like there's no faith in a movie product to go out there and build word of mouth and get the ball rolling. If it's not this blow your socks off opening weekend followed by, oh my God, it's the second best second opening weekend of all time. If it's not breaking literal records, they pull it after three or four weeks furiosa which i've talked about like i don't know why people thought it was going to be so big it's got stars in it and it's a it's a known property but it's not like mad max was a gigantic film and it's not like fury road made all that much money it probably made 60 million 70 million dollars times so thinking that furiosa was going to be this huge thing, no, it's going to be more of a

niche film. And I think it's made 30 or 40 million and probably lost that much. It's going to lose that much because they already pulled it. It's already pulled. Like, come on. From what I understand, it's a really good movie. I'm sure I'm going to enjoy it, but I'm not going to pay for it because it's, for one thing,

all the reasons I listed before about movie theaters theaters but for another i'll have it for free in two weeks and the home viewing experience now competes with the movie theater one for some of the reasons you said you don't like the the people you're with but also i'd argue your tv probably got better maybe your audio got better like everyone has a much better system than they did 15 years ago yeah yeah i've got a little miniature theater we both do and and and it's like man is it really a big step up like okay if i go to a 70 millimeter art house type thing like interstellar was or um hateful eight

was that's a different thing oh my god there's an intermission where they turn the lights on and they're handing out pamphlets this big trifold thing about the movie and it's presented in 70 millimeter film which genuinely looked like nothing i'd ever seen before there was so much variance in the color and so much clarity like that was incredibly high resolutions to see and i saw it on imax screen too so it was the creme de la creme viewing experience for the hateful eight i think i went twice but outside that like he said like am i gonna go watch a fucking comedy like no you're gonna i'm never gonna see an adam sandler movie in theaters again i know that you're gonna have an 11 soda or i know you just like me kyle have a mini fridge that has all the diet sodas you like right behind me like like i'm in my i'm in my like fucking seat

and i can reach backwards with my arm and sort of tickle the door open on my i've got one of those wine fridges like yeah i have a beer fridge full of fucking sprite zero chill drink of the summer check it out folks this episode's brought to you by sprite zero i'm like i have a mini fridge too it's right by the game of thrones room it has 11 different flavors of fish food. Oh, boo! Cool guy Woody over here flexing his fish food variety. I don't have any fish food. Not a bit, not a scrap of it.

Yeah. A buddy of mine has a 3D television and the first time I saw Fury Road was at his house. I'm always a year behind movies, stuff like that. Same thing. It's like comfy couch, the movie's happening inside my head. Maybe I'm just easy a year behind movies, stuff like that. And yeah, same thing, you know, it's like comfy couch. The movie's like happening like inside my head. I mean,

maybe I'm just easy to please, but like easy to impress, but like putting the glasses on, like that movie happened in my head. Like you were in it and yeah. You know, we're just chilling out on his couch, you know, you know, Coors banquet beat up on a, you know, like it was, it was way better than the theater. You're just hanging out, shoes off, drinking a beer. Obviously, you guys are a lot invested in the TV, but to get in the car,

go down there, pack a gun, hope you don't get shot. Crazy shit goes down in theater. A friend of mine works in a theater. Nutty stuff. People use theaters like babysitters now. They just drop their kids off and go out for six or eight hours and the kids

just run wild in the theaters. It's a shit show. It's unbelievably rude. It was such a different... So again, I'm 32. 38. And so when I was a kid in the 90s, the theater was a

straighten up kind of thing. I remember our whole class, I think it was our cub scout group or something like that. Some, some boys group I was involved with bat, one of the teen sports or something. We all went to go see the nightmare before Christmas. I think that Tim Burton animated thing. And it was a, they let you know where we went in there. Look, you, you step out of line in here.

You're going gonna be outside in the bus with miss adams you're gonna be out with her she doesn't like tim burton she thinks it's satanic she can she can tell you some bible stories while we all watch a fun movie you little pricks and it was like oh shit we fucking went in there and that is a hardcore threat yeah you want to watch this movie or bible stories with Mrs. Thick of the Mud? Bus driver thought the movie was satanic. Tim Burton's stuff is a little dark. He's got his

style. She'd probably see it with his hands. I remember as a young kid, sometimes not being able... My mom wouldn't go take me to see a movie because she had some website in fucking 1998 that she would go to and be like i'm just gonna run this movie in here and every movie got shot down by this website

like uh pokemon is satanic there are psychic type pokemon which is evil and i'd be like it's not it's the coolest and i'm gonna be left behind in all of, like, this is the water cooler talk. In fairness to her, I did get to go see, she actually took me to the Pokemon movie because she realized that was ridiculous. But she still would not let me see certain stuff if this website would shoot it down.

There's like a year period of that. And then she realized it was like, this website fucking hates everything. I got into a whole conversation with a guy about this at the gas station the other day. I had my x-men fucking tank top on he was like oh fuck yeah have you seen x-men 97 yet which is like the they just read they're redoing 1997's x-men they're continuing where it left off and i'm like nah i haven't watched it and we start talking i was like when i he's like that was the shit when i was a kid and i was like yeah me too my my mom wouldn't really let me watch it much though because she thought it was uh something about the mark of the beast when she heard beast was a character and

then she heard apocalypse was a character and that was the end so i had to sneak the show at best so yeah yeah he's like same thing the same thing man that was so ridiculous you know what i might enjoy the theater the next deadpool movie could be yeah like there the deadpool wolverine movie i think is going to do a uh it's going to be marvel's holy shit this is what this is what can still make a billion and a half dollars this is it and then it's going to cause a bunch of other shit to happen that won't be good because they missed the point entirely they'll completely misread why uh deadpool versus wolverine is going to be so goddamn successful. And they're going to do something awful in five years from now.

It'll come out. I think that movie's going to make a billion plus easy. They're versing in the movie? They're not on the same team? No. All right. So sort of canonically,

they interact a good bit and they sort of had this wisecracking like bro-ship that's going to be fun to finally see like happen. And they hugh jackman to literally come out of retirement um to do this thing and i'm sure they're going to see and they've got him in the real cartoon uniform which is this crazy yellow and bluish black type thing whereas in the other movies which were much more grounded they made like a dozen x-men movies it feels like

he's got like black leather you know most of the time. Maybe no sleeves, but he might just wear a tank top. He's very grounded in the real world. So Ryan Reynolds is going to be breaking the mold, doing quips at the camera. That's what the character does. Yeah, yeah. No, that's what Ryan Reynolds does. No, that's what the fucking character does.

The character literally in one of the comics came into the writer's room, broke the fifth wall, and killed the writers who wrote him. That's what they do. It's very referential. That's his thing. That is one of his powers,

is that he breaks the fourth wall. I don't like it. Well, I can't help you. I can't help you. You don't like breaking the fourth wall? I don't like Ryan Reynolds. Why the hell can you not like Ryan Reynolds. What? How can you not like Ryan Reynolds?

He's the same guy. He's the same guy in every fucking movie. And that's a great guy. Yeah. He's not. He's the best guy. See? Don't worry.

I'll be done with these jokers in this universe before you know it. I'll find you soon enough. He's killing the writers about him. See? I bet that's literally what their writers remember. I hope he was successful. So I've never been into superheroes or anything like that i kind of came up more in that you know mad max smoking the bandit dukes of hazard kind of climate and you know people with

powers or whatever i was never into superheroes really but i did see deadpool and i thought that movie was just hilarious. Just, I mean, a, it was a clever movie, but it was, I loved how they just kind of took a shot at some of the tropes from other superhero movies. You know,

the superhero landings and those kinds of things. The fourth wall breaks were hysterical. I absolutely love that movie. I thought it was just the funniest thing. And, you know, and, and again,

I mean, the, the character for being such a tragic character, there's a great kind of upbeatness to that character despite his tragic past, I guess. But I thought that was fun. I'd kill myself if I looked like that. It's not that I have excellent taste in movies, because I don't think I've seen enough movies to have good or bad taste in it.

It's just Ryan Reynolds, every movie I've seen him in it's he's have you seen waiting guy i have yeah he's that guy in waiting yeah but also like robert duvall is always robert duvall or keanu reeves is always keanu reeves in every movie i mean they're you know i mean not that not fair but i like robert have you ever seen uh the robert Duvall movie, The Apostle? I like the thing they do. It's good. Like, Jack Nicholson is kind of a similar guy in a lot of movies. And I like Jack Nicholson.

And so it works out. I just don't like Ryan Reynolds. What don't you like about Ryan Reynolds? Is it his bubbly alertness? Is it his charismatic presence? Is it the sarcastic quip at the tip of the tongue?

I guess it's just not even anything that complicated. I don't think he's very funny. I feel like I'm not in on it. He gets pegged in Deadpool. That's hilarious. He gets pegged. I saw Deadpool 1. Yeah, he gets pegged in that. I won't watch it again. It wasn't a horrible horrible movie it was fine but like yeah i just i'm his shtick is it's not my thing yeah i

mean i've i've seen you know with girls or whoever like i've seen some of his like i guess those like romantic movies like whatever that one is where like it's christmas time and he's like some record producer or something goes back to his town but you know those like the chick movies he's been in yeah we're we're pretty terrible because like that those kind of movies are just made me want to escape yeah but uh yeah really only the deadpool movie is the only thing i think i've seen him in i guess other than the rom the rom-com stuff i mean has he done other movies or he's done a lot i haven't seen a lot of them by design at this point so maybe i'm being a he did blade three and uh which is not the good one it also has um oh sexy pants mctitty

face i can't think of the girl's name gosling it's jessica uh beal um of course you named the guy what the fuck what is this sexy pants mctitty face he said ryan gosling i i was going for barbie and i thought we were looking for the other uh it's fine just be gay we like you we're talking about who the fuck are we talking about who plays deadpool i lost his name is ryan gosling the guy that was in the Blade Runner sequel? He is. 2057. Ryan Gosling, to me, is the same thing as whoever the fuck plays Deadpool, who I can't remember. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds, yeah. They're like two parallel actors. That's why I said it. And obviously, who plays fucking Blade? I'm spacing out.

He was going to fight Joe Rogan. Wesley Snipes. And I love the quote from Ryan Reynolds about working Joe Rogan. Wesley Snipes. And I love the quote from Ryan Reynolds about working on that movie with Wesley Snipes. He's like, what's it like working with Wesley? He's like, oh, I've never met Wesley Snipes. I've only met

Blade. He should have been like, what's it like working with Wesley Snipes? Should have said taxing. Poor Wesley Snipes should have said taxing. Poor Wesley Snipes. Apparently he just stayed in that stupid fucking character all the time. He's another Marvel Comics OG because that's also a Marvel character.

I didn't know that. Oh, that movie, The Nice Guys? I thought that was funny. There's no original ideas anymore. Yeah. They don't give credit to blade for launching superhero stuff do they did in a big way him uh so i think so i i mean he showed the what what i mean by that is that maybe some studio executives financiers or producers saw the the the potential for those type products like look this thing was a comic book product let's look at we

bought the rights to this blade thing for 1300 what else is in the catalog of comic books these can be successful products even though the average person doesn't know who blade is because in my heart a lot of people give credit to blade for launching the whole marvel thing and i'm like if you want to give credit for launching comic stuff well thing. And I'm like, eh, if you want to give him credit for launching comic stuff, well, Superman predates that. I think it saved Marvel from going like uber bankrupt and losing some of the characters, perhaps.

Yeah, that's 10 versus Batman. From, what, 92, 91? Mm-hmm. The Supermans predate the Batmans, which led to... What am I looking for? I forgotten. Anyway,

there's blade and the old incredible Hulk, I think is before blade, but I'm not sure actually. Yeah, that was a failure. Uh, the one that was, um,

that had Edward Norton. Um, that one, I think it was John. I can't think of the director's name. It's that Asian guy. Um, John,

it doesn't matter. It's not John Woo, but, uh, I can't, I can't think of who it is it's the only asian director for those names it's ang lee okay anyway in any case that was a shitty movie too but um yeah i like blade i like ryan reynolds i it's sad like i get you not wanting to jump into the marvel pool because it is it is pool these days. I'm out. I don't give a shit. I also don't care about the Disney

stuff. Woody, have you watched the new Disney show? Star Wars show. Star Wars Acolyte. I hadn't heard about it. Oh my god. Is it on the Disney Plus? You're clearly not on the right, getting any of that right wing propaganda pump to you.

I seek it out i bet i watch more fox news than the rest of the show combined oh that's easy it's impossible um yeah it's it's another like super woke star wars show with like black lesbian um um i think there was some black lesbian um force users who like use the force to get pregnant or something. I don't know. I've only seen a few clips of it. You know,

it upsets me to see. I just don't know. I also heard. All right. Now I don't know about, this is a completely separate thing. This has nothing to do with that necessarily, but I think Kathleen Kennedy was quoted as saying that they were going to

get away from the dark side and the light side of the force because, because those racist terminology and and and and saying that the light side is inherently good and the dark side is inherently bad is racist so we're gonna get all the way from away from that's not how accounting works was on the light side of the force and he's black he had a purple lightsaber in accounting in the black is where you want to be the red side is the bad side that's true yeah and they i bet they didn't consider that did they in their ridiculous did are they really so i don't follow the star wars stuff at all they're actually like we're gonna get rid of a my understanding from star wars core tenant is the light and the dark side of the force

how would you even remove that that's like we're gonna we're gonna remake uh lord of the rings maybe they were done with all that no more jewelry and lord of the rings the rings are our classes what if not everyone can afford what if instead of using light and dark they just reverse what they are oh you on the white side of the force no i did see the who's the leader of disney right now eisner i forget they brought a guy back and he was like we need to get away from this woke stuff it's been a mistake so we'll see if that translates and i just want to watch space pirates duke it out with laser swords and use their mind powers and i want i want at least one cute fucking character and you can make all the toys you want and i'll fucking buy a t-shirt with that little cocksucker on it i did i did i got a little baby

yoda shirt it says like the force this is the way and it's like way is spelled w-h-e-y like whey protein it's funny as shit he's like got a little got his little grogu bowl but i've checked out i i love the mandalorian season one so much. You can see it getting worse and worse as Jon Favreau leaves the project. Those shows... It was my understanding that the Star Wars shows aren't doing well. It's hard to tell because of review bombing

what the general consensus is. Review bombing is also its own excuse at this point because you'll see listings or reviews where it's like, well, 95 percent of the reviewers whose job depends on liking our movies like that. And only 18 percent of the audience liked it. Clearly, this was bombed by trolls. And it's like, no, it's probably people who are like, I'm really into Star Wars.

I can't wait to go see the next source material on Star Wars. And then they show up and it's like, we don't like the light and the dark side. That's race, like just fucking bullshit. And so it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy for them in that way where they can make whatever nonsense, woke shit they want and then off board all of it to an ethereal accusation of trolls. They lost back against like Rotten Tomatoes being dishonest a while ago, but now I'm like, I just can't trust any of these review sites

it seems. It's not always in one direction either. I think the studios will pump it up in a positive way and then it gets knocked down. Sometimes it can be a good thing, but a particular group hates it enough that they do review bomb. And I just don't trust it.

I don't know how to get good reviews anymore. They'll be like, this was review bombed so hard that we're removing all the reviews. It's like, oh, you're removing all the bad reviews. This one that Kyle linked, it's for Star Wars The Acolyte. It follows the pattern that Taylor just mentioned. Like the pros give it 86 fresh and the audience gives it 18 and rotten yeah i did and look i'm a nerd about certain

things i don't like i guess i'm okay with there being blaster noises because i assume in space oh yeah me too me too even though like i'm like yeah i guess the pilot can hear him because they're like his guns are reverberating like physically interacting with the ship and it's vibrating the air inside his cockpit but in the acolyte there's a scene where there's a fire on the outside of the ship and they're like out there in spacesuits i guess maybe trying to put it out it's like a campfire like burning on the side of a spaceship and it's like come on now come on now that that's not that doesn't i need to see it i can imagine a world where there's enough oxygen and gas escaping the hole in the ship to sustain a flame but it probably doesn't do that am i retarded where do i go on this

website to like actually see the reviews themselves instead of just a score oh you like click the the you click which kind of reviews click the the tomato. Clicking average tomato meter, and it's just pulling up. It hid them? I feel like I just watched them on my phone. I feel like I was just reading reviews on my phone from there yesterday. I don't know. I don't see a way to do it. It just says 86% average tomato meter.

That's silly. If you want more of a right wing i don't even know if i should call it that take on movies it's critical drinker his channel's just exploding in popularity the last year or two or three when i first started watching him i didn't think he was that big but he's i think he was on pierce morgan um he's done a bunch of stuff like that um and his reviews are he just destroys stuff like this i don't watch it because it's a little disappointing like when i see what it has become it actually upsets me a little i'm like oh it's like it's like that south park episode where they're raping indiana jones

like george lucas and steven spielberg have indiana jones bent over the pinball machine they're like licking his nipples and stuff like giving it to him kind of how it feels did the the google reviews are somehow even worse 1.1 so uh this is just the first here's your star wars movie review voice this is oh wow okay well uh cling on cling on force left a review a day ago okay well it had stains all over it from the start. Laughable. They've labored to turn this into a female franchise. Insult its, I should have expanded before. This is long.

What's left for them? They continue down a path very little population wants. Disney's track record has been tarnished and frankly not very good over the years. They know nothing about the force. You're born and gifted with the force. It is not a class you take for credits and get a degree exactly what i thought it would be predictable dumb and cheesy mediocre not so bright writing where did the 880 million plus go hokey dialogue disconnected

sluggish generic the acting is bad like a cw show i struggle with anyone who thinks this is good okay and he keeps he goes on and on like this. And this is 1,220 people found this helpful. Wasn't the Force something you could train in the beginning? And then it became a mitochondriac thing in your blood. It was intangible in the beginning. I think they've made it now. So it was this intangible thing that like the force is with him or he is strong with the force you would say that and there were certainly levels to that as well as like levels

to someone's force mastery and whatever skills that they got from it it was a little harry potterish not everybody could do everything but then they made it midichlorians and george lucas did that with the first uh prequel movie that came out in 2000 or 2001 or whatever. 99 maybe? I don't know. But now I think with these new like DEI Star Wars, they're turning it into something that you can like train like it's an Olympic sport or something. I like that more. Here's where I'm coming from.

When I learned it was – I'm going to get the word wrong. Like mitochondrial levels in the blood. Midichlorian. Thank you. Midichlorian levels in the blood. Suddenly, all hope of young Woody training to become a Jedi was taken from him. I just wasn't born with it. You can't have this anymore.

I was hoping that maybe I would meet Yoda and develop this skill. That's what I liked. It was something I could learn. And then when it became something you were born with, it was like, ah, fuck now I'm screwed. I like that because it puts a rarity on the thing.

He is. It's a, it's the classic chosen one thing. The rarity is my desire to learn and believe in myself. But you can suspend belief on meeting yoga or Yoda, but you can't, you can just imagine yourself as someone with midichlorians too. And be like, in this world I would have been a Jedi.

Yeah, Kyle would have been fucking flush with it. They would have been like blown the fuck away. I felt excluded from the Jedi Club when I learned it was something in your blood, whereas previously I thought with enough determination I could get there. I don't care enough about the Star Wars world, but if I were a fan, I would not

like this canonical change. These other reviews about the Star Wars world, but if I were a fan, I would not like this canonical change. These other reviews, the five-star ones, here's a line from one of those. It's a fun ride in my opinion, and if you aren't an annoying Star Wars bro who hates women and diversity in movies, then give it a go.

That's one of a five-star. Here's another five-star. Here's another five-star. That's their entire audience. Here's another five star. It's funny that the entire audience that like review bombing. Oh, so bad. So crazy. Unreliable nonsense.

Review, you know, boosting or juicing, which is what these people are clearly doing. People are review bombing this show. You know, the old white guys upset by it. I think it's too woke or the immature teenage boys but let's be honest they're still going to watch the show like i need to see it with my own eyes yeah like people who hated it because of the 15 seconds yeah maybe they're right i was like yeah endgame was amazing you people who fuss about that whole movie because of the 15 seconds where the girls posed i get where you're coming from it It was stupid, but I still liked the movie. It didn't ruin.

I want to watch the cut. I want a fan to like edit that out for me. Just that 15, like that didn't happen. Don't worry. We got it. It doesn't in no way. Did it ruin the movie to me?

It was like, okay. But so much cool had preceded that moment that it was like, dude, you could fuck captain America in the ass right now with a strap on. Like, like you could end the movie with that. I'd be okay with it.

This was a... He caught the fuck... He picked up the hammer, dude. He picked up the hammer. Yeah. These shows would be better if they didn't seemingly make them in a way that just actively hates the core viewer. Yeah, it seems like there is enough

out there. I mean, I'm a Star Wars geek too. It seems like there is enough out there i mean i you know i'm a star wars geek too you know it seems like there is enough out there that if there's something that isn't woke enough for you you could just go watch something else like if people want to watch i don't know you know i mean smoking the bandit it's a great movie it's a it's a terrible movie on paper but it's a great movie and it's a bunch of white dudes chasing each other around in cars like there's no racism in the movie whatsoever other than probably some flags in the background. That's what I have a problem with.

But if that's not your thing, just don't go watch it. I think there's this... Everybody is being forced to filter everything through this system where you can't have anything edgy. I get really light in the dark, all that. It just seems like in the pantheon of entertainment, there's got to be something for you

if you don't like one thing to go watch something else. But I guess the people producing everything now want to pander to as many people as possible so as to increase the profit. So it does make sense to make something that's not going to get... If they really bang you over the head with it, I'll agree with the guys but if it's just uh you know 15 seconds in a three-hour movie i think they're overreacting

yeah it's just when it's like yeah like it's just ham-handed when it's like just like just an aside and like a space show that's like oh you're just ripping on white people like really like up in space this is still a problem like you got you got aliens everywhere like i need to see it like it the most recent star treks have a lot of diversity in the cast but it doesn't always have part of the show has always been a very liberal left-wing show you know from its insurgents yeah maybe you're right but i never felt big time well i didn't feel too beaten over the head. It didn't make me not enjoy Star Trek. And the new ones, I thought, were very well cast.

I mean, particularly with the principal characters. And it was all the same. You know, it was three white guys, a black chick, and a Scottish dude. I mean, just like the original movie. You got a Russian guy and a Jap. And this isn't long after World War II. And the Cold War is brewing. What's the name of the really good current one? Pike is the star. Oh, Strange New Worlds. My favorite Star Trek property of all time, I think, these days. world war ii and the cold war is brewing what's the name of the really good current one pike is

the star oh strange new worlds my favorite star trek property of all time i think these days i think i think it's it's hard to go back and watch like deep space nine because you know i've seen it so many times probably but also it doesn't look that great and the plot lines are clearly cheap sometimes most of the time it's like oh we're in a cave again i bet we don't get out this way lean that way i bet we get out of this cave about three minutes before the end so we can talk to the doctor in sick bay and then we call it a call it a game huh boys you know it's a little frustrating but strange new worlds i'm sure there's a cave episode in strange new worlds because it's a it's a tro a trope and it's good to have it in there. I want one.

But it feels kind of big budget and it feels slick. It has that sort of very clean, slick look to the ship and the tech. And everybody's very good. All the actors are very good. And I don't see anything that's like overly woke, I guess you'd say. Anything that's beating you over the head or offensive to me personally or anything. And also, more importantly, because who cares what I fucking feel, it's not offensive to Star Trek canon to me.

I feel like it's like, yeah, this is about right. Because you go back to 1967, 68 Star Trek, and they genuinely, literally have a race of people who are at war on this planet a civil war and there's they're bisected down the middle black and white they're like a black and white cookie like imagine a black and white cookie became a person and they're split north south black and white and the people who are right side black or or were the people who are left side black and it's this clearly an allegory for black-on-white racism. And it's like, look, we're all the fucking same.

Come on, what's the big deal? And the audience was supposed to wake up and be like, yeah, that's kind of like, you know, make you think a little. No, never thought of it that way. Captain Kirk banging every alien race was a little bit of outreach. It was the 60s. Yeah, that's right. It was the of outreach. They just let him in school.

Yeah, the 1966 cast, which was, you know, it was, you know, Lieutenant Uhura, you know, you had an African-American, you had a bunch of white guys, you had an Asian guy. You know, Lieutenant Uhura, you know, you had an African-American, you had a bunch of white guys, you had an Asian guy. And, you know, Nichelle Nichols, who played Lieutenant Uhura in the 60s, went, I learned this from a drunk history thing, but I've since corroborated somewhere. It's a fantastic storyline with that. So she's on the show for like one year and just didn't watch it, didn't get it, wasn't into it, decided she was going to leave the show. watch it didn't get it wasn't into it decided she was going to leave the show and martin luther king was a star trek fan and went to her and was like you know in an era where most black people in movies or tv are either playing slaves or are servers at a restaurant or something like you were like an officer on a ship you were an equal with these other characters like you are this tremendous role model and then she had not seen it that way and decided to stay on the show.

It was also the show with the first interracial kiss. Shatner was supposed to do a scene where he he's like, they're like mind controlled or something. Somebody's using all like puppets in a, to put on plays or something. And his character was supposed to kiss Lieutenant O'Hara's character. And like the network was like, I don't know.

So he kept like throwing it and kissing it and making them shoot it over and over again. And they finally made him do one without the kiss in it. And he intentionally crossed his eyes so they would have to throw that scene out and use the one where he kisses Nichelle Nichols' character. And, you know, that was, I thought that was pretty interesting, especially for, you know, 50 something years ago.

Yeah. He wanted it in there. Yeah. The new one though, the only bit, and I didn't really interpret this as like woke, but there's a scene in one of the, I don't know which movie it was honestly,

but it was like, they're all, all the characters are kind of on R and R and you see the guy that plays Mr. Sulu, who was originally played by George Takei and the original Star Wars, like in the 60s. And in real life, he has a male partner. And you see there's a scene where you see the Sulu character walking off with like his kid, but he has a male partner as well.

But it didn't come across as like woke. It just was like a little nod to George Takei. Like, hey, buddy, you know, you're still, know i love you're gonna get you in this universe and i thought that was just a cool throwback i'm talking about star trek it's the best day ever for me and i'm everything you said a trekky but you know i just thought that was a cool bit of history you know you know i didn't care either and i i heard people i watched tons of movie reviews so if there's a review on a movie i've seen eight eight different versions of that review on that movie and and there was one guy who was like wait a minute what why would okay

the actor george takei is gay why would mr sulu be gay that's that's the antithesis of acting why would he necessarily guaranteed carry that trait onward why why is he not being a straight man it'd be a real acting job he was in there fucking lately and i don't know just let him be gay let there be a gay character on the bridge that's fine with me because again when in the late 60s you had a run i think the weapons officer fucking check i think checkoff was the weapons guy because i think sulu was driving and that's funny either they got an eight they get a japanese asian driver on the flagship of the federation of the starfleet never never and then and uh and uh this

is maybe 11 years after takei was in an internment camp as a kid, you know, like from World War II. Not 11. That's way more years. That math doesn't add up. Was he like one of those Japanese soldiers who didn't realize it was okay to leave? No, he was a Californian. His family and him were rounded up and put in a Japanese internment camp here to make sure they didn't do anything quote unquote sneaky during world war ii um but but

my i don't know why i said 11 years it's like 22 years or something probably yeah he must have been a real little kid yeah so that was really woke and progressive i'm sure to some people uh in the late 60s like why they got a fucking ruski operating the cannons he's liable to sneak one of them warheads back home to Moscow. And then you've got the black girl on there. The whole thing. I'm sure that was their version of war. Star Trek's been around for 60

years now, and as far as I know, they've never let an Asian woman drive the ship. That's why it's still... They still have a ship. They do crash it from time to time. George Takei was getting some sort of lifetime achievement award of some bit. He's very funny. I've seen some interviews of him.

He's hilarious. He's a guy. He made a reference. He was something like his closing speech, whatever, having not been part of the show, wouldn't have made all these great friends, whatever. Thank you for letting an Asian guy drive. He even threw the gun.

Oh, yeah. He just killed it. He sort of he even threw the oh yeah he just killed it you know like he was that kind of eight mile he sort of eight mile that you know where he just owned it but yeah but the the modern one with the character you know with with sulu's character having a male partner in the show like i mean me personally i mean i don't have i mean i like girls but i don't have any prejudice whatsoever towards whoever anybody wants to like. And if I look at the cross section of my friend group, you know, out of, let's say, a hundred of my friends, probably five of them are probably gay or lesbian. So if you take a ship with a cast of hundreds of people, it would just seem demographically accurate that at least some of those characters would probably have a same-sex partner as well. That just seems more like a realistic depiction

of humanity than pandering to loneliness. For some reason, George Takei being gay made it okay in my eyes. That's what it is. I just self-analyzed how I feel about that scene because just to be clear to non- fucking nerds,

it's an unnecessary scene that you show him walking away for his R&R and then he holds hands with a man and they've got a kid. There's no real reason to have that scene there. It's just, hey, hey, Sulu's gay too. And I was like, cool. And the reason I thought it was cool

is because I know that reference and it was a little pat on the back and I was like yeah you know yeah he is gay a little fun to act with so I was okay with that but if it had been a male and a female character walking away with a kid would you have even noticed

or would it have just been like I think I'd have made a joke I'd have probably made a joke about it ah come on Sulu's gay though it would have been something like that. Yeah, we can wrap it up. It's been a wonderful show. You guys have fun hanging out with.

Yeah, glad your internet got cleared up. Sorry for whatever the audio was where I was talking to people. I was just trying to wing it. Sorry if I was rude. No, not at all. But I did not mean to be rude myself. But I've always enjoyed being on here.

I mean, I'm a good no-how-have-a-plan person anyway, but having no idea what we're going to talk about, it's just so fun to just watch it evolve with y'all. And y'all are all just informed, smart people. You've got your own opinions, and things just evolve. It's always fun to be on here. It's just cool to see what comes up. Yeah, thank you very much.

Thank you so much. PKA 704. All right. Thank you, fellas.