Painkiller Already - PKA 733 W/ Dick Masterson & Oompaville : Dick’s New Wife And Baby

Episode Date: January 4, 2025

PKA 733 with Caleb and Dick, Sans Woody. Hey, guys. This episode is brought to you by Lock and Load, Bluechew and our merch. Woody is on death's door. He's being deported. He's getting rid of them. In preparation.

I turned him in. We told him, we told him. He's a Trumps America. Get that Mexican out of here, that Mexican with the big calves get rid of them I begged him not to get the 14th booster Bleeded with him is that what did it that one was the trick that one was a tracker Yeah, it was all fine up till then. Yeah, hopefully he's all right. He was like

We do those hangouts and usually everybody's in a fine mood We're gaming having a good, playing code names or whatever. And it was like 10 minutes before we wrapped and he was like visibly like shaking and like looking down. He was so exhausted and ill. And Kyle was like, you know, you can just bounce like it's OK. He's like, Woodrow, he's too old. He's too he's got the game retired him, you know, too old for this stuff. He's gotta go. His nerves are fried.

He's done. I think he's like a six million dollar man. We can rebuild him. We can make him faster, stronger, better than he was before. If we could do that to any 52 year old, it would be him. He's probably the fittest 52 year old man I know. He's the fittest 52 year old who's not like some kind of former pro athlete or some shit like that. Or like a fitness influencer. Yeah. Who does take fitness seriously? He just seems like a wall.

I look at him over the camera, I'm like, man I bet I could run into you as hard as I could and you wouldn't even budge. I would just like break in half. That's Taylor. That's Taylor. Taylor's the one who's a fucking heap of a slab of man. I mean, you don't look like that at all, Taylor, in the camera.

No, I actually have the least- this is the least flattering look at me. You would have no idea that I've like regularly worked out a lot for like eight years. Are you trying to do like a Ryan Gosling thing? Why are you all red? Like- like a Blade Runner. What's going on here? It turned up- the light that I usually have up there was really bright tonight, so I turned it off and now I'm looking a little red. You're in your dark room where you do your murders and stuff. Where I do my writing. He develops film.

Yeah. When I went to that gun shooting event, Caleb was there. That's where I met Caleb with Brandon Herrera and everyone. I had so many people come up to me and be like, you're way less fat than I thought you would be. That's what I said. Yeah, that's what Caleb said. People were like, damn, he's not as obese as I thought. So that was a good little confidence boost. Have you been to any of those since, Caleb?

Yeah, there was one, two, three weeks ago, and I went there, it was fun as fuck. Did you not get the invite? I did, but my grandparents were in town. Okay, okay, three weeks, three weeks ago. And I went there. It was, it was fun as fuck. Did you not get the invite? I did, but my grandparents were in town. Okay. Okay. That's yeah, that prioritize them running out of time. They're like 80.

They're like, they're like a Southern Missouri 80. So that's like a postal 94. That's a local 700. Yeah, I think that tobacco that those guys chewed back in the day had like benefits to it. Like those old guys that smoked, and I think about that all the time. Look, I don't think smoking's healthy,

but if it was really that bad, would guys like Nick Diaz, like professional fighters, smoke all that weed and they got all that cardio, and guys like Willie Nelson, who's just like made a joke of smoking constantly his whole life and he's so old. You seen, have you seen Willie Nelson's guitar is falling apart? Yeah. Like that guy's like 90 something years old. He's got a hole in it. Two holes in it. And then Cheech and Chong are the same way right? Their whole lives, their whole gimmick was being stoned all the time, but

they're all good. It was too much for Snoop Dogg. Didn't he have to give it up? Retire? Did he? That would surely not. Snoop Dogg smokes. We thought he quit weed. He might have quit blunts or something. That was Taylor. That was a marketing campaign for a stove.

Yeah. You fell for. Oh, that's what happens. The solo stove. Damn. I saw one post about Snoop Dogg three years ago and I've been believing that in my head. I was like, you know what? Good for him. It must have been causing problems.

I'm glad. That's really funny. Have you ever had any interactions with Snoop Dogg or anything? No. Have you? Yeah. We were going to put him in a video and it was all set to go and everything.

He follows me on Twitter. I was DMing probably someone who works for him. And then at some point I was like, wait, you're not a felon, are you? And then it went, then the whole thing fell apart. Because he is, he's a felon. You can just have him stand next to you, right? That would kind of, that would be

a fun. Can you not work with felons or something? It was going to be gun shit. It was going to be gun shit. It was going to be like, like, we're, you know, the idea at the time was to do like gangster drive-bys with Snoop Dogg in a, in a YouTube video. And it's like, bro, you're, you're felon. We can't like, I was going to have Snoop Dogg drive-by shoot me. That would be sick. But it didn't work out. I didn't get video. That's a shame. You should reach back out to him. Now you're both felons. You have something to talk about.

Yeah. Like this. No, we're the same. Me and you. Actually, no, now you couldn't be friends. Isn't that against the rules? Well, I, you know, there's that thing about like, uh, what's the term they use. It's, it's, it's not communicating with felon.

It's like consorting. So it depends on your definition of consorting with, uh, with their felons. I don't think hanging out with Snoop Dogg would count as consorting with with felon. It's like consorting. So it depends on your definition of consorting with uh, with their felons I don't think hanging out with snoop dog would count as consorting with a felon though He seems pretty chill these days like he just sings and shit. I don't think he's a gang banger anymore He's pretty chill with it certainly not i've been uh Loving you on twitter with the h1b stuff dick you've oh, yeah People you and sam hide just finger on the pulse of America.

Yeah, I saw these fuckers come in the first wave and start ruining everything I loved about the country. So I kind of have a chip on my shoulder about it. I don't know, what's the temperature in the room of the, does everyone hate software that works on the call here? Yeah, I wanted to have to do a lot of troubleshooting. But I want to make sure that Elon's profit margins are as high as they can possibly be, so I'm torn.

Oh man, that's difficult. Bernie's on board though, with this crazy idea that like Americans need their labor protected. I don't know, the day I can get a Chinese bank to refi my house, that's the day that I'm cool with like billionaires going to other countries and hiring them. That's the day that we don't need labor protections

when the banks also don't have any protections. But until then, let's go ahead and have it, yeah. Yeah, let's go ahead and have stuff that works and the guys that put us on the moon can, you know, get back to making all of our computers and softwares and all the data mining dating apps with AI hoes can all just go into the trash bin where they belong. It's surprising you that those make money,

that there are those AI whores essentially that people know it's an AI whore. And they're like, here's my money. They're still throwing themselves in their comments section like, oh, you're so beautiful. Like bro, you're talking to a computer. And we can read it. This is embarrassing.

Yeah, this is. I'm like, what are you doing? It's so humiliating to me because I look, I see, I go on Reddit and like, we went to like top titties the other day, subreddit yeah and look at and you on the comments there they're like oh Queen oh I like that's that's a certain level of pathetic where you and stupidity where you think that that clearly sex worker is going to notice your comment on reddit and go oh he called me Queen yeah

he's my king and then, let me look deeper. Never ever in a million years is that gonna happen. But they have that glimmer of hope that it will. But when it's an AI, when it's literally ones and zeros on the other end and you're, oh, you're so fucking hot. What are you doing? What are you doing?

It's like, can you guys, can you guys just go back to like hitting on each other? Like when the pickup guys are going like, okay guys, what's your opener? And they're like hitting, each other. Like when the pickup guys are going like, okay guys, what's your opener? And they're like hitting, they're all hitting on the pickup artists that posted some picture of some hot girl. Like, oh yeah, first I would say, and he's like, good, good. I'm getting turned on bro. Yeah. Kick it in. Yeah. Now demonstrate your value.

It's like, can you guys go back to doing that? Then like proposing to a computer image, demonstrate your value. What I think is funny on those forums when we look at them here is like the amount of comments on material that's just for beating off. It's like that guy, and what I know for sure is that they didn't finish and then comment

because that's psychotic. And so they were like in the middle of looking at it and jacking off and they're like, I gotta know what the boys think about this. And then they were like in the middle of looking at it and jacking off and they're like, I gotta know what the boys think about this. And then they click on- Pop-up pornography that has like VH1 pop-up music videos, but just their comments popping up on the porn. Cause I don't, it makes it, you know,

I don't want to go looking for the guys comments on the porn, but it does, maybe it enhances the experience, you know, just to see what they were thinking yeah some guys who have insights it'll be like that vh1 thing you describe for it exactly comments and the guy will be like oh this is Lana Rhodes from 2012 this is right before she did her first anal scene this is the best version of Lana Rhodes she was fluent after this yeah like ah no nice nice nice know, but then you go down below that and it's like, be my queen. And it's like, that's a professional porn star from

14 years ago. What are you talking to? There are some clit and maybe it's bots, but it's not all bots. Those are the H1B guys. Those are the H1B guys. Yeah. Leave those comments. You are so very beautiful. I would love to have sex with you. If you think it's bad here though, it's 10 times worse in Canada. My Canadian friends who are in college and stuff are talking about, they're like, you should see what a Canadian campus looks like.

The demographics of a Canadian campus. Or like I've seen the lines of all Indian men, all at line for Tim Hortons. It was like, Tim Hortons is like, hired a new cook or whatever. And there's like 30 Indian guys there for the job. It's like, you guys are screwed. It's over for you. I haven't been keeping a close tab on Canada,

but I know they're not doing great. Yeah. I guess I just kind of take it personally when everybody like all at once is like, oh, American engineers are just stupid. We need more. There's just a real talent gap gap. And then you go, well, yeah, you guys have like, you guys have declared war on white men for the last 20 years. Like, I know, I remember I was there when you started it.

So I think maybe you're going to have to do 20 years of unwinding this before you can say, oh, okay We need we need the we need a bunch of scammers in here who went to a fake university in Mumbai we got to get them over here to build more planes that fall out of the sky Did you see it? Elon was defending h1b so hard. He started tweeting like an Indian guy like an Indian guy in the middle of that night. Do you make this lie? Do you make this lie? He was like calling Americans retarded dumbasses and like given his little responses. And someone like posted, I guess, a tweet that wasn't real or maybe it was that he deleted.

He says that it was just the entire thing was fake. But ironically, it kind of was expressing more concisely the points he had been making. And the guys like, check this out, Elon, why did you delete it? And Elon's like, why do you make lie? And the guy is like, is this not real? I saw it online. He's like, who are you to do lies like this?

And everyone's like, what the fuck? How did he he defended so hard that he started speaking like he's from? I just spazzing out, man. Like, okay, bro. Now I see what the problem is. Now I see why you wanted to get involved here. Yeah, saves him money. It's such a disaster.

And to see Trump get behind it and be like, ah, I've got tons of those at my country clubs. It's great to import labor. It's like, dude, why can't you not take the temperature of the room just? Yeah, just fucking. And Elon apparently is living at Mar-a-Lago like like his private Kato Kaelin out there in the. It's absurd. It's getting a little weird.

And I said this like like two weeks ago, we're like, look, Elon's on our side. So it's like early or at least the side of the right. And there's some areas where like, it's nice to have a billionaire agree, the richest man in the world agreeing with you on this little issue. But imagine if it was like Soros, this heavily involved. And I know Soros does shit, but like this heavily involved

and like threatening like Congress people, like, oh, you want to get primaried next turn around? You wouldn't like it. Like if Soros had his hand up the back of Biden's jacket. It was like, you could see him tapping Morse code to him or pulling on his hair. Did you see Biden's address? I saw Biden last night,

cause he did a thing about the- That's so funny, he's still president. That he did a thing about the terror attack in New Orleans. And God, he's got that thing going on where it's like, did they put the right teeth in? Like he looks so old and gummy. He looks AI generated. He looks kind of like a mummy.

He's got this sort of like mushed up thing about his face. Poor guy. I genuinely feel bad for that guy and hope he has a good retirement. It seems like he's already in it. He's just like, he's on vac hope he has a good retirement. Like, he's had a run. It seems like he's already in it. He's just like, he's on vacays, having a good time. Well, whoever's running the government is doing lots of shit.

You know, we're doing lots of airstrikes in the Middle East, blowing lots of shit up. Oh yeah. You know, we're always moving, always making shit happen. So, I don't know what's gonna happen with the Trump administration, but it's not a good sign. We're like For the new year, I guess where there's like both of those crazy attacks on the same day I don't think they're connected the one in New Orleans

the guy rented a Ford Lightning on Turo and Drove through all those people and he was flying an ISIS flag and he had guns and explosives in his car And then the guy that blew up his Tesla at the Trump property he was a current U.S. Special Forces soldier with a terrible like bomb like we looked at yeah is that did we pay for that training like do our army guys come out of special forces like I got it bro mass casualty event I'm gonna fill the trunk of this car with fireworks like this is the American military filling boxes with with like cartoon dynamite and blowing it up in the middle of the street a real DEI bomber somebody should get chewed out for that like his his

training officer really needs to get chewed out for that. Like his training officer really needs to get chewed out for that. I mean, I've made bigger booms on YouTube all the time. Like it was crazy, underwhelming boom. Apparently he opt himself before he set the thing off or had like a timer or a detonator of some kind. But the fireworks going off and that Tesla burning with the Trump property sign right in the background is just It's almost as iconic as that picture of him, you know fist pumping with blood running down his cheek. It's like how

That's great. I love that picture that at the end of this year if it goes terribly They're gonna pull that picture back up and they're about 20 25 and review and it'll be that picture Yeah It didn't even was there any damage to the building? Minor, it was mostly a fire. Cause what he had in the back was like camping fuel, fireworks and some other stuff it looked like that was flammable, but he didn't have real deal

explosives of any kind. Did he have like a fuse that he did? For some reason did? Yeah, yeah, a big, big plunge. Because it does it. Eagle. He slept with that under his pillow like Sledgehammer from, you know, eighties. Yeah, but it has been like, I don't think I've ever seen someone

more rapidly lose as much goodwill as Elon did in like a three hour period on Christmas. And then the next day being like, um, actually the problem with all of this is, um, bots and botified accounts. Um, that's, that's who's, and it's like, no, this is like, this should be in, in like school as an example of organic pushback. Like it's very obviously organic. People are like, whoa, dude, you know, we appreciate you buying Twitter, making it so more people can say things, but what are you doing? What are you? This isn't what we're talking about. Yeah. I, I don't like it at all. And the, if he, if he were just supporting the visas and he left it ambiguous,

it would leave a little doubt where you'd be like, maybe he knows something I don't. But then he just keeps typing and he's like, ah, you guys are all retarded. I don't need you. I need those big brown Asian brains. I declare war on you. Me and Ian Miles Chung and the guy that drew the logo for Dogecoin are going to war in ways you can't imagine. Yeah. Did you see the Sam Hyde video?

I'm going to trans another one of my kids because you guys have upset me so much. That'll show us. The Sam Hyde video that he put out was very good and that part where Sam was like, guys, every single Indian that makes its way into China is a domestic threat to us. We need to be blockading the border between India and China, naval and land to ensure that none of these hyper geniuses get to China. They're going to try and scoop them up, guys. We've got to be careful. We've got to be wary.

And it's like, yeah, it's just it's the way they talk, man. Their accent, their English accent, whatever it is like. You can't tell if they're like retarded or a lying or a genius or what. Like for some reason that that that particular accent that they have really scrambles everyone's brain. The the response was funny. And then the amount of videos of like Indians in India that people

started like using to respond where they would be like, Hey, Elon, you want to bring this guy over? And it's like an Indian guy in France, like on a ground level apartment staring through. And some woman is like, Jackie, and then as I'm like, I wonder if this guy's given himself a taste or if he's going the whole nine yards, he starts to back up afterward, come all over himself, covered in cum and then just back out into the world to program Tinder. If only he had been on a lock and load. What's your cum producing thing that you guys are always selling here? You still got that? Oh

Maybe if we open up our market to India, do you think that we? Yeah, this is for all we don't care where you live start coming more Yeah, that's it's been an entertaining few days on Twitter watching and then the the day after that Elon like does this weird like dog Let's go to Europe. Yeah, where he lines like guys on his back, belly up, where Elon's like, guys, it's about time that we return to more positive posting. And it's like, what the fuck? You've been on the internet long enough to know this isn't how you get out of this. Just make a, just lip service a concession.

That would get you more.. Just say you're sorry. That would get you more. Yeah, say you're sorry. Yeah, say you're sorry, you weirdo. Sorry, he thinks he's right and we're wrong and he has to import as much cheap labor that can't quit their jobs afterwards as possible. Now I see why you got all them ex-wives. I mean, he's got to have a lot of ex-wives because he's got like, what, 60 kids? Yeah, I think so. He's got like a dozen, right? One woman does have a lot of kids.

He does have around a dozen or 14 or so. He's got a bunch. He does. And, but then like, I will see like histrionic freakouts from the other side about Elon, where like, Elon was going to some party with Trump at Mar-a-Lago, the New Year's thing, and he was walking in with like his kid on his shoulders, which is like a normal thing to do with the young kid. And some like huge tweet was like, I hope everyone recognizes this for what it is.

A human shield. Are you retarded? Are you retarded person? You think you think there's not security at Elon Musk and Trump's? Yeah. It's like really? He's holding them above his head to avoid a center mass projectile. Get real. No, I don't think so. He's just trying to bond with one of the few kids that he can still have some influence over because

he neglected all the other ones building and pseudo managing companies and to becoming the richest man in the world somehow. Yeah. If I were him and I were trying to maintain this idea that I'm like a hundred hours a week hyper genius you can bet your ass that I wouldn't be regularly posting that I play enough Diablo to be in the top three online on earth. That's the way that's true. Look he said that on Rogan he said that he was the number one Diablo player in the world I played a lot of Diablo We did too. I Can't imagine that he's the number one in in anything relevant it without cheating or having a dupe fake account that some like

Indian is probably playing on like that's probably what it is He got one of those fucking Indians to come over and play Diablo all day for him for nine That's what that shit is cuz there's no way it's it's not it's not a very hard game to play But it requires time like if he's number one in score or something. That's like all day shit. That's bullshit Someone maybe caleb dick you guys would know more or you've looked into it more. What's with this? seeming Burner recount that elon has that he maintains is not him, but it's like his exact cadence, his voice, his vocabulary.

Adrian Pimpin? I'm not up on me. Yeah, I'm not up on my Elon Musk stuff. I am a little bit. So like someone exposed it because they sort of, they spoke to the fake person, that it's Adrian person and it's Elon using a voice changer. And so in the interview, a couple of times they were like, so Elon, what do you think about this, that and the other?

And Adrian just goes with it. It's like multiple times Adrian is answering. Is he just a weirdo? Yeah. Like is he, he's just a weirdo. Yeah. Elon tweeted something like, even if that is my sock puppet account

that I used to flatter myself, isn't that just a version of what the left is always preaching about? And I'm just affirming myself and it's like, that is not, I mean, no. It is hard to tell because there are so many, I mean, I heard the clip of that guy talking and it sounds exactly like Elon Musk.

I don't know what gray area there is there, but there are a bunch of people mean, I heard the clip of that guy talking and it sounds exactly like Elon Musk. I don't know what but, you know, gray area there is there. But there are a bunch of people like the Ulysses to Dick that are just. Just bootlickers for Elon. He can say anything and people will be like, so true, Elon, so true. We love you. And it's definitely not because you're the richest man on earth. We just can't agree with all your points. That guy, Ian Miles Chungus. I'm thinking like, I don't know. I threw this out on earth. We just can't agree with all your points. That guy, Ian Miles Chung is... I'm thinking, like I don't know, I threw

this out on Twitter, Malaysia is the salary of a federal judge is like 30 grand. So somehow we gotta be able to kick start like a bribe for a judge over there to throw Ian Miles Chung into like a prison camp or something. I'm saying it's possible. Like we have the tools to solve this.

Yeah! I think we could do it. All we need is one. All we need is one judge, one cop to get rid of them for a long time. If you're on the same side as a guy like that, do you ever step back and go like, I'm fucking up here. Like, my kids are seeing me promote this weird bastard all over, I gotta stop. I need to take a break from this. I wasn't very like aware of who that Ian Chong guy is, but like the little compilations of him is like, it's a dude who like lives in Malaysia and has never been here, but only talks about our politics.

That's very bizarre. It is very bizarre. I can't imagine, like, really. Like if I had an account where all I did was like and I like would tactically use words like bloody and I like like talked about UK politics, people would be like, this guy lives in fucking Missouri, dude. Like, what does he know about any of this?

And I'm like, well, I teen grumpets, bro. And they'd be like, this is beyond obvious. Yeah, it's a weird thing. be like, this is beyond obvious. Yeah. Just a weird thing. A lot of people pretend and online, but it has been a fun time on Twitter the past few days. It's been fun. It's nice to have an enemy. It's nice to see all the racists like unite all the anti-Semites and all the anti-Mexican people united against the new, you know, new common enemy. It's just fun. It's fun to mix things up in the new year. We need that 2025. Yeah, we're mixing it up. Yeah. What did you what you guys do for New Year's?

Anything interesting? I'm having a baby. I don't know if you guys saw that my my girlfriend's pregnant. We just got our ultrasound today. Congratulations. Thank you. That's awesome. It's the first ultrasound where it looks like a little, like a little tiny human. Before that, it looked like a cocoona. Like it looked like a little bug. Yeah. And now it's evolved. Yeah.

So most of my time is spent, uh, uh, regretting everything I've ever done, uh, online and worrying that, uh, the baby's just going to evaporate, I guess. Like, okay, that was a good ultrasound. We saw the heart beat for the first time this morning. It's beating like a metal drummer, like 190, you know, tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch Yes, that's really fast heart rates. That's what you want. So then then you walk out and just worry constantly that it's that it's going to be okay until the next one in a month. Will this be your first child? Yes, this is my first child. Well, that's awesome. Congratulations. Thanks. What are uh. So now I can really win some arguments online with the as a father.

Nobody will shoot you now. You can throw a little kid on your shoulders. Nobody will take a shot. Yeah, I need a fat one to wear around my center mass, right? You can like say things glibly like, as someone with a stake in the future. Yeah. Use that.

I'm not one of you Coomers. I'm not one of you degenerate nihilist Coomers! Well that's awesome. Are you way more stressed than you ever thought you would be in the situation? Or is it kind of what you anticipated? No, I think I'm just more stressed because I'm like older. So I think because I've been reading too much Red Pill guy stats online. I was like, well, I'm worried about my eggs, you know? Like, oh man, are my eggs okay?

Is this baby gonna be okay? I asked the, we had the ultrasound today, right? And the woman's doing it. You know, they put it up on the big screen. So you don't have to do any work to lean over and peer at the ultrasound machine. Because the women that are going in there are just fatter than hell. There's one skinny chair in the waiting room at the doctor's office. The rest are those, they look like the tool shed kind of outdoor garden chairs

that they pop up there that wide with nothing. A homeless person could sleep comfortably at the average chair. There's no homeless defensive architecture like there is in normal chairs. So we go in there and we're looking at the big screen where they're probing around for our baby. They find the heart. She finds the heart and it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. She's like, well, the heart's going.

And I said, uh, uh, is there blood in, in it? Like I didn't know. I thought it was like a safe environment where you could ask. It's dry firing, getting ready. Well I didn't fucking know! I don't know what... I thought it was... Yeah!

I thought it was a safe environment because the heart's going crazy. I'm like, is there blood in there? And she goes... She gave me this look like... I'm like, is there blood in there? And she goes, she gave me this look, like, I'm like, and I, you know, I had like wonder in my eyes looking at the baby and she's like, yeah, there's, yeah, there's blood. I'm like, fucking okay, like, so what is the blood

in the heart, just like, there's no, that's a dumb question, at no point is there and no heart beating or a heart beating and no fucking blood I don't know that could just be goo the heart could just be going to the I don't fucking know lady uh I guess I know that was the problem But the problem was that she didn't know enough to like give you the real answer because yeah Because at some point that baby's Body switched from using its mom's heart to oxygenate those tissues

and pump blood to them to its heart, starting to pump blood. And at some point, its blood became its blood and not its mom's blood, right? Oh really? Yeah, obviously. He kind of knows this because they have to tell you to plan parenthood.

Yeah, oh, they go out and on those guilt mongers. Fuck you, fuck you, punch the card oh, they go out and on! Those guilt mongers! Fuck you! Fuck you! Punch the card and let me go! Well, that's what, I felt dumb until afterwards. My girlfriend's done the same thing. She's like, you know, she acted like that because she probably didn't know. And I said, you know what? I didn't think about it like that, but you're probably right.

I don't think that bitch knew what she was talking about. So, I don't know, it's got blood. I think we should get out of second. Ultrasound, actually. I don't trust the way that she operated that gizmo. She don't even know what hearts do. That's, that's, hey, if you'd had an Indian nurse though, she'd, oh sir, let me explain to you. And she'd have known the whole thing. And she'd have done it for $12 an hour. Yeah, no sleepovers for this kid, she would have said. You don't want one of these jocks. You don't want one of these dirty, you don't want one of these dirty, undesirable jocks

that shovel shit all day. Certainly not. You don't want Zach Morris. I want a nerd who makes his money brick by brick by lying to people about Alzheimer's medication. Oh man. Just an American dream. Poor Trump, poor Trump.

Like I was thinking like all that he got, all that he went through getting shot in the head on like 10 years through the threat of prison and his two buddies, Elon and Vivek, decide to be the most retarded people on the planet on Christmas Day. Like Trump's like, hey can you guys go out there and just wish everyone a Merry Christmas? You got it Mr. Trump. You got it. I'm gonna spice it up a little bit.

I'm gonna go ahead and make it my own Vivek-y way to do it. Uh, Vivek, uh, don't do that. Just make it. And he's like, I'm sorry Mr. Trump, your phone's breaking up. I can't really hear you. You said that you were cool with me doing like a Vivek version of Christmas, right? No, it's a Trump-tale version of Christmas, you know? And then he's like Trump's there, look at his phone, oh great. Oh, it's sick, man.

Yeah, you specifically told him not to call my voters retarded. Yeah, oh yeah, fuck jocks, yeah, bingo, man. I mean, why would America have a problem with that on Christmas day where athletes play football? Because the whole country's addicted to sports. Why would they, a problem with that on Christmas Day where athletes play football? Because the whole country is addicted to sports. Why would they? Yeah, anyway.

Are you going to force your kid to play some sports? I'm going to send my kid to... I'm starting a new thing called pronunciation bees. They're like spelling bees, except the Indians can't win them like they can win this. All-time state champ at the pronunciation be give it a shot I don't know man, too. They start ganging up on you. That's what we would do to my dad. You know, me and my sister would gang up on him. And then we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym

and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym

and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym and we would go to the gym that's what we would that's what we would do to my dad you know me and my sister would gang up on him and they get too much too much hand I think I don't think I could do to you guys have kids kids not yet not yet are you are you trying I'm not trying, but I might. When you're practicing at least? Heavily.

Okay. For a long time. So it's sort of a, if it happens, it happens kind of thing over at Caleb's house. I know Taylor in the past has operated in a similar operating fashion. I myself can't imagine. That's the only way I operate. That would be like driving everywhere like

Just drunk without a seat belt on for the funsies like pulling out Historic birth control people get fucked up by it because what they think is like you wait until cum is exiting your urethra And then you pull out you don't start coming Yeah exiting your urethra and then you pull out. You don't start coming and then pull out. They try to stop the cum in midair. Like I'm gonna pull out so fast as I'm shooting. It's freezes in time. That's the way it works.

Or demolition, man. And then you tell her quickly to get on her knees by the side of the bed and then you finish. But Taylor, are you sure that you're fertile? Like I hate to question your fertility, but maybe it's not that pulling out is so effective because there's no way it is because free com exists. Or maybe you're shooting blanks over there. Is there a possibility that you're not going to be able to shoot little?

If I'm shooting blanks, I'm just going to have to do some market research and find the most successful country to adopt a child from I'll take care of it For you Taylor. Don't worry Shooting loads here this guy. Yeah, look at his hair. We can do it together Perfect we can hold hands. Oh Wait I was imagining there'd be an Indian nurse involved with this procedure. No.

Yeah. All natural. Oh, man. I own kids at some point, but I do like I've literally thought about that where I'm like, man, when she's pregnant, how am I going to not be panicked constantly that something I can't detect has gone wrong and needs to be fixed. And I have to wait like another six weeks or whatever the increment is.

And it sounds like according to you, Dick, that's a real thing that happens to- Yeah, it's just constant. I mean, it's just constant anxiety. You're like, oh man, oh great. And then you pass one thing, you're like, oh, well, I hope. Well, at the next one, we tell you if your kid's retarded. And you're like, oh, okay, cool.

Thanks for putting that in my head. And I'll just think about that. And then the next one, we tell you if it's a woman. You're like, oh God, Christ. All right. Anything. Anything. It was off-putting.

I'd never heard a doctor say retarded before. It really took me a bath. I mean, we're going back to like 1930s medical jargon. Yeah. Where moron was just a definition. Like, oh, he's a moron. His IQ falls between 85 and 80. Ma'am, he's a moron.

Could be worse. He could be in jackass territory. A legal moron. A legal imbecile, I think is what it is. Whatever the lowest one on that rung is, there's like an old timey 1920s descriptor that's like tells you a little gist of what their life will be like in the very bottom which is like imbecilic or whatever is like

Cannot be taught anything will will exist as a plant would did they have like a Board figure out all those terms or was it it like one guy, the Prince of retards that figured it out? Or was it a bunch of doctors in suits like, oh no, that's a moron ranks above imbecile. Like, come on now, let's not fool around here. Like where they had to convene, you know,

and decide this list. I got it. In one of those big theaters, yelling passionately. The official IQ classification scale in 1928 included the phrases moron Which is an IQ of 50 to 74 in Basils? Which is 25 to 49 and idiot which is 0 to 24 so what an idiot is actually pretty insulting Yeah, that's like a vegetable that's a

Okay, even a dog might accidentally paw at the correct pattern yeah dogs have like dogs definitely have like a like a 25 iq or a 30 iq like like definitely my dog can do all sorts of shit my dog's out of the air you know you you've got one of those dogs though where you know you knew that going in oh yeah i've got a a burden really. Yeah. He's cute. He's got those eyes that just look pushed out from probably way over the top intracranial pressure. You know, as a kid I never considered that some dogs were retarded. Look at that.

Just an innocent adorable. He needs love. That's all. Are she? Yeah. This is she. She needs love. That's all.

Those are cute. Oh, don't let anybody tell you any different either. Look, that dog is looking out for you, checking the left and the right at the same time. Yeah, I always own the prize. Yeah, prey eyes. It's a good guard dog. Kyle, do you share looks with your dog when you guys notice a dumb dog?

And you're like, what an idiot. I know that you're thinking, what an idiot too. Dude, I love my dog? So I'm gonna get a bigger bed just to accommodate my goddamn dogs cuz it's cold now and they all want to get in bed With me and my girlfriend and there's another room. There's another room I'm gonna I'm gonna get a bigger bed to accommodate that fucking lap Bernie doodle that wants to sleep with its head in my lap at night. You gotta get an ace bed. What's that? It's like a it's a square bed.

So instead of a like a king or a cow king, it's like entirely square for it's made for a well, I don't know, not necessarily weird things. But there's a few options. There's like a there's like a California king and like a Texas they name them after states for some fucking reason. But they all vary in dimensions a little bit, but they're expensive. It ends up being like $7,000 bed sometimes. Oh. That's too much. Yeah, I didn't have a bed growing up.

I didn't use it though, because my current bed, I got from our sponsor, Casper, and so it was free. And then- Casper's good. Dude, that guy- That was like 10 years ago. I haven't needed to change it. It's perfect. It's like perfect. It's perfect. It's like perfect.

It's not dented or like worn out. I don't know how mattress, it has not. What color is it now? Well, you know, if you unwrap it, you'll see that I really enjoy drinking cherry Dr. Pepper in bed. You'll find that out right away because there's cherry Dr. Pepper stains.

You take the sheets back on the mattress itself. That's awesome. How often are you spilling all over yourself in bed? Once every 10 years, Taylor. Is that so bad? Is that so bad? You haven't spilled on yourself in the last decade. Well, not cherry Pepsi in bed.

I bet there's barbecue sauce on you when you go to bed every single night. No, I do eat in bed sometimes, but that's one of my resolutions. That's one of my goals. I'm not eating in bed anymore. I like charcuterie in bed though. Caleb, you said you didn't have a bed when you were growing up? Wait, did he?

What? Yeah, I didn't have a bed when I was a... I opted out of a bed for some reason. What I used to sleep on the floor. Yeah, there was like a time when I couldn't sleep and I would I would I would fall asleep on the cold hardwood floor watching Mythbusters every night. And I think we moved or something. And I was like, you guys can just take my bed.

I don't want it anymore because I never slept on it. So I just slept on the floor for until I was 16. Then I got a bean bag. And then- Why'd you do this to yourself? This is hurting my back. Just listening to the first thing. I, the first thing I bought when I became a YouTuber

was a bed about a Casper mattress. When I was in 2016, first thing I ever bought. Do you ever get nostalgic for the cold hardwood? Hope he used our code. I ever bought. Do you ever get nostalgic for the cold hardwood? Hope you used our code. I didn't and I do. I do get nostalgic. I love laying on the floor. It's just so, I don't know, I like it.

Something about it. So were you just a back sleeper? How could you sleep comfortably on your side? I sleep like I've fallen in Family Guy, kind of. Like it's not like I'm on my side or whatever. It's more of like a... Yeah, yeah. And then I alternate.

I swap and flip. I love... I do that too. Yeah. I sleep sort of like fetal, like with, you know, like a little like this on my side, but my legs are always like... I got Jimmy legs, so they're everywhere at night. Jimmy?

Yeah, Jimmy legs. What's that mean? Who's Jimmy? Where's he at? Jimmy legs are what Frank Costanza's wife has. What's okay. Mom's name. She's got a stale. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Can all night going going to town. They're all dead. You know that all of the I wasn't sure but I took it parents. Yes. The parents from Seinfeld are all dead. The original dad died early on, which in regard to the show was better because the new dad for Jerry was funnier. He just had a funnier pear-shaped look to him.

Yeah, he's going on about his pants, his wallet missing and that whole thing. He's not going to look at the cancer results from a doctor who would lose his wallet. It's like, well well at least get the results Yeah, yeah, that was great. They're all Jerry uh stiller He's yeah, been dead for a while right? He's been dead for a while. Aww man. He was the best one.

How come they can't make him AI on Instagram instead of all these big titted hoes like put George's dad on the hair Yeah, that'd be way funnier. Yeah. There's enough like real big titted hoes that you can look at. We don't need AI doing that. We need it to bring back the funniest celebrity. Bring back, ah, actually no,

Norm MacDonald would hate that. He would hate it. Who cares, he's dead. You know who'd like it? You know what the thing about being dead is? You don't care Rodney Dangerfield would like it Yeah, I feel like AI Rodney Dangerfield with just his fucking robe and his cock out would be so funny. He's just like

friend who looks exactly like Rodney Dangerfield You've got a lot of what is that your dog or it's my dog. Yeah. Oh She's fired up riding danger field impression. Yeah, he'll he'll I can't do the face the riding danger field face But he'll just be like talking and then he'll randomly just do the riding danger field face and look at one of us It's very funny. Has it ever got him laid? That's like the I doubt it laughs Yeah, I doubt it. I doubt that it's a very useful tool Yeah impressions are not a wellspring no No, you keep that's like date number three you play test Indian guy

You ever seen back to school when it's Rodney Dangerfield and Sam Kinnison? Sam Kinnison's that Rodney Dangerfield is like a six, he's 65 or whatever. However, he always looked that old to me, but he's going back to school for some bad or something. He's a multimillionaire though, and he's in college and his professor is Sam Kinnison. And the subject is something about why, uh, like, uh, we lost the Korean conflict and some little girl sits up and so we lost the Korean conflict because we lost support with certain spheres of the North and all sorts of blah, blah, blah. And Sam Kinnison is like, yeah, that's a nice theory. A lot of people throw that one around.

And he just chews her the fuck apart. He's screaming at her and screaming at her and then Dangerville gets involved. That scene alone makes the movie worth it. I didn't really like Sam Kenison before I watched that movie and then I went down the whole rattle watching his special and watching a standup comedy and I actually started to love that guy. I think the way he dressed actually inspired Dylan

and Eric in Columbine. The big what? I heard that as well. Big yeah. The the the giant overcoat. Matrix. No, it's the matrix. Dude, the matrix came out in 99. There's no way that they that Sam Kinison was. They were back to school fans.

Yeah, there's no way. Have you guys not read the manifestos? They mentioned it half a dozen times. There's no way 17 year olds were more influenced by fucking Kinnison than they were by the Matrix that came out like a month before with the trench coats and the taking out all the like people who are asleep or whatever. Yeah, they're going room to room.

Why didn't they? Why didn't whatever in the Korean got silent? They're like, I don't get the reference. I'm only 14. Did the Matrix really come out one month before Columbine? Oh, I'm guessing the same year, though, right? I think Columbine was like that was 99. And I'm almost positive the Matrix was also like right there around 99 in theaters. And they wore those trench coats that like that was the thing. Like, what else were they inspired by? Nobody else was those trench coats that like that was the thing like what else were they inspired by nobody else was wearing trench coats

I don't think maybe maybe a Marilyn Manson was was was rocking that that look at some point That's the guy who made a living out of being fucking bizarre Yeah, I never liked him I remember going to the store and like Best Buy or a CD store with like my parents in the late 90s and getting CDs and seeing his and just being very off put being like, what is this demon that I'm seeing on messed up your sensibilities as a young conservative, Alex P Keaton type. Yeah, as a young six year old with solidified political ideas in 1997. I don't like it. I don't like it. I was I remember looking at that whatever

album he had where he's like dressed like a woman and being like, what's going on? What's going on here? Why? Why would you do that? Why is your name Marilyn? I need some hockey stat. Yeah, need some fucking hockey need something fun That's when I found my way back to the PC section bought Age of Empires Great time. That's what I was doing in the mid 90s and what I'm doing now But not a lot of change since 1997 Getting the gotten I've gotten a lot heavier, you know Most of that's muscle muscle okay and bone that's

true most of it's muscle and bone you know what your skeleton weighs guess too too much what do you think it was your whole skeleton fuck this is gonna make me look retarded 80 pounds you were gonna say 60 pounds 80 pounds from taylor 80 pounds of taylor dick what 60 pounds. Alright, 80 pounds from Taylor. 80 pounds from Taylor. Dick, what do you think your skeleton weighs? This is like average man's skeleton is what I mean. Oh, God. 40 pounds?

40 pounds of skeleton. But, Caleb, how much do the bones weigh? I was gonna say like 40, 45 pounds on the average man. Oh, are you gonna price this right, man? 40 pounds? He just prices right, you dude. I'm gonna go low, Zach. I'm gonna say 10 pounds.

I'm gonna say a skeleton weighs 10 pounds That's there's no way like a bird more than that if there's no water in it, maybe 12 to 16 percent of a person's body weight Even if there's 600 pounds Yeah, definitely not. Yeah, definitely a drop off. Was that chat GPT? Let's get... What if it's like you got your femurs full of bone marrow? Are we talking about bone marrow?

Because that's just straight up water. Pretty heavy. It says... Well, this is Quora, so this is as bad as GPT. This is even worse. Old chat GPT. That says 30 pounds. Modeling the skeleton weight of an adult Caucasian man from pubmed.gov. Yeah, black people have higher bone density. That's why they specify. That's why they can't swim. That's part of it. How did- okay, you were much closer than my guess. Zach removed my guess.

Let's see, let's see. Zach engraved his guess. Dumb- Dumb- uh, dub 35 pounds in where I said 80. Please. Put it on his tombstone. Here lies an 80 pound skeleton. Can you imagine an 80 pound skeleton? That'd be so heavy. That's like a Nephilim or something. Have you ever seen uh, maybe we looked at this a while ago. Have you guys ever seen that picture

of the skeleton that's in like the Smithsonian or some shit of a guy that had bone cancer and it's like, like spines growing out of his head? Yeah. That's got to be the scariest kind of cancer. Just, just aesthetically. He live, just that he lived, he suffered long enough for that bone to grow out and like do that to him. That must have been horrific. You know what? Like, like that would have been a rare thing, probably like your, the bone cancer thing doing that horrific thing, but just, um, syphilis back in the day before there was any type of cure,

you would just rot like people's faces would rot off from syphilis. And it was a common thing to walk down a medieval, like, town road and see the syphilis man whose face is rotting off, or the syphilis children whose noses are all rotten off their faces. Yeah. You would just, you would fall apart. You see like the 1870s pictures where it's like, this man is suffering from syphilis and he doesn't have a lower jaw. It's like, yeah, yeah, it rotted away. yeah, you really have no idea how much this is keeping stuff together. The lower jaw. You're very spooky when it's just the top teeth. You need it. That's not a good look. I think I saw, oh, this is taking me back to rotten.com. Do you remember that shit? Do we remember rotten.com? That's the website. This is a little this is a little for your time. Caleb when I was in high school, um, and the

We had our imax Fucking multicolored rainbow colored imax in the schools and everything We would get on the internet when the teacher wasn't looking and i'd get around the security shit and we'd go to rotten.com Or we'd go to whitehouse.com whitehouse..com porn site. Rotten.com was like a gore site. Rotten.com was this all gore. I remember the home page was a cornucopia of cocks that someone had edited together. Imagine you edited out like 80 boners and then made a bouquet of them. That was one of the pictures. And we just like, eww, eww, as we went through one of the other 15-year-old dudes. And there was one guy who had killed himself,

I think with a 12 gauge and the whole bottom of his like face is missing and his tongue is just like lolling out all crazy. And that is engraved in the back of my skull forever. Cause I saw that show when I was 14 or 15 and I shouldn't have. Do you guys remember like how much of computer class was like tricking your friends into whitehouse.com and lemon party and meat spin. Meat spin was the hardest because that's obviously something sinister but like lemon party and whitehouse.com. Man I didn't like to trick people I just like to open the home pages to the porn and then hide it behind something and then walk away and leave it like a little porn bomb. So like the teacher wouldn't be there and the IMAX is like communal.

It's in the middle. It's in it's not necessarily the teachers, but it's what she uses to grade papers as well. But I go over there. I go to like love2p.com and it's just girls wedding themselves but they don't want to. And I open up a big picture of like a hot blonde chick and she's like, oh no, and she's like, she's peeing her panties. And she's peeing her panties, like in the moment, there's like, it's like trickling and stuff. And then I like slide like, I don't know, whatever her papers were, her grading shit, like right over that and just sit in my seat and just wait.

Just wait. Because either she's going to freak out or she would never say anything. She caught me or she didn't catch me. She saw it and she just went clickety clickety clack. She didn't say a word. But I'd fuck with people all the time. They'd be like, oh, there's girls peeing. And I'm like, yeah, there are.

Yeah, there are. I remember kids doing the most petty pranks in keyboarding class where they would pop out all the ends and take them home because you could just pop out the keys and this kid this kid would do that semi regularly or they would like during keyboarding class he would change the keys on the keyboard to like write things write words you know slurs that only have one of each you know letter obviously because you don't have a huge amount to pick from. I mean, there was no point in the keyboard class

in 2002 and 2003, because we were at an age where we were already learning more about how all this worked than the 50-year-old woman who two years earlier was teaching life skills and now was the computer lady. Yeah, and so it was like, if she was just a placeholder, she could have just as easily been like overseeing study hall. And now we're supposed to be listening to her

and like, you could get her by like changing the background on a PC and she'd be like, someone change this back. It better be changed back. It's like, you can just right click it. Like just right click it and change the background back to the fucking green pasture. Oh, I would have killed to have an, had an inept computer teacher. So I could have gotten away with all that cheating. I tried to do.

I printed out like a whole semester's worth of papers on my home printer because they weren't my papers. There were someone else's that I had stolen on a thumb drive and she recognized that my printer was ink and not laser and fucking zeroed me. What? Yeah, I made a 40. In keyboarding?

No, no, no, this is a computer applications too or something. This is like doing Excel spreadsheets and stuff like that. It's like tons of Excel spreadsheets, tons of just all of even word stuff, like Word doc stuff, just I handed in a semester's worth at a time. I got a 40 in that class.

That's the lowest, I'm still having the lowest I've ever made in a class. Did you ever fail a class, Taylor, ever? No, I've never failed. Oh, it's fun. When you get to that point where you know you're going to fail and so there's no, you can't do anything to me here.

You have no power over me. Like'm gonna I'm gonna make a 40 Like what are you gonna do? You know, I was jealous of the kids who obviously had horrible home lives and like didn't care They were failing. I remember them being like, yeah I'd like see them. They'd be like I'm gonna flunk algebra and I'd be like damn I wish I could take the city bus home, man. I'd be concerned with the piano practice. That guy's having real world experience. What would have happened if he'd failed algebra one?

Uh, I mean, nothing that serious. My dad would have like, given me a talk where he's like, are you stupid? Like really? You can do this. You're being lazy. We both know it. You're being lazy. And it would have been the extent of it. Like he would have like maybe threatened like you can't be on the hockey team this year. But that lost all of its threat when that was like when he took more pride in me playing hockey than anything else. And so he would never do that to himself. You know what you're playing hockey all year long now Taylor. Yeah. Lock you in the hockey ring if you don't like school. He'd be like you have to save a lot more goals if you want to have those kind of grades.

Taylor. All right. No you're not going to the NHL. Get to your math home. I failed algebra. I failed it because I slept through it. It was first period. I just didn't care. And I had to go summer school.

And that blew that blew so much. Having to get dropped off at a high school that wasn't even my high school. I had to go to a neighboring county's high school. It's like a 25 minute drive each way. And I didn't have a car because I'm 15 and just getting dropped off by my mom at summer school every day with the rest of the degenerates who were in summer school. It was awful. It was you do little mental exercises while you were in there like I'm not like these people. I wasn't like them. Like they were criminals. It was almost like jail again. I wasn't like them. Like they were criminals in there. It was almost like jail again. There was an Indian guy. Are they felons now if we called them up?

There was the most ballsy Indian guy I'd ever seen in my life. He was calling the black guys the N word to their face on a on the daily on the day. And I don't mean like in a friendly kind of way. He was he was like shut the fuck up ninja. And then it day, and I don't mean like in a friendly kind of way. He was like, shut the fuck up, Ninja. And then it was like, and I'm just like, dude, there's so much bigger than you. But for some reason it was like, it was like, they kind of put their heads together. It was like, he's so comfortable with it.

Maybe he's got a gun. I don't know what they thought. They just like, they didn't want to try him. And it was a, I opened the experience that if I didn't get back to school and, uh, and pass algebra too, then I could go down a rocky road that involved these people. Yeah. Those guys didn't want to tell someone that's one of the best and brightest. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but I, you know,

I passed out when I got back to real school because I had seen what the alternative was. It was not fun. Did your Indian escort like your training day? Was he like your Denzel? Like walking you through the ropes? How can you call them that? No, trust me, trust me, trust me. I was born a way. Trust me, son.

I've never seen that before because every time I'd ever seen that go down, it involved a beating. And usually like a bunch of people were gonna beat you up if you called a black guy the N-word. Like you weren't just gonna get in a fight, you were gonna get jumped. Yeah, best to avoid.

Yeah. On the summer school thing, Caleb, Dick, did you guys have, I never had to go to summer school, but I had like a strong feeling of like, that's for retards. Like that's where the morons like. Yeah, I definitely thought less of people who who went to summer school for sure You knew lots of the only school though. So are you're home schooled? Yeah, I didn't have any kind of I fucking finished school in like 90 days What I was a guy your entire your entire education was home schooled like like K through 12

first grade was Regular school everything else was all homeschooled Damn, I was home for two years like seventh and eighth grade. I think or maybe six no six and seven I was in school. I just get them too much trouble and I had like an issue with a kid We're getting fights like on the weekly and it was every week. We're gonna fight so it just wasn't working We're getting fights like on the weekly and it was every week we're gonna fight so it just wasn't working What I'm sad to go missed all the best like molesty teachers if you skipped if you stayed home for seventh and eighth grade Like that's when you're first noticing the ones that like loom over the curls and rub their dicks on their desk Yeah, it was weird. I remember that teacher giving girls back grubs in seventh grade in the math class and having the wherewithal

at like 12 or 13 however old you are to be like this isn't appropriate. My ninth grade biology teacher said that showerheads had had uh three settings low, medium, and who needs a man and uh and I knew what he meant and I'm looking around like anybody else know what the fuck this guy just Nobody And like right after that he's like Christina come pass these papers out for this shit fuck Yeah, there's always some of that but when I left for home school It was definitely like where most people were prepubescent like early sixth grade and then when I got back Everybody had titties like it was it was an eye-opener

Like like I left and everybody was like little girls and I got back and everybody turned into grown-ups. So it was a puberty Yeah, everybody gets like eight inches taller over that one summer Voices changing is not awkward. Yeah, I remember my friend group that I have to this day that I went to high school, there's all of us are on the same page of like, dude, that one PE coach we had was a fucking creep. He got fired multiple times for being creepy. He watched you shower, right? He would like spend way too much time around us

naked in the shower. Naked? Anytime is too much time. It would. Yeah, we were naked. He would join us. Yeah, we were naked. He would join us.

Mr. Fart! I have one friend in my friend group who's a denier. Who's like, he wasn't doing anything wrong toward, you know, he was just a weird guy. He just had to make sure that nothing negative was happening in the shower. And I'm like, I'm protecting you guys from pedophiles. Hold on, get close to me. I was like, okay. Wait, your friend who doesn't think anything was happening,

is he a good looking guy? What I'm getting at is, do you think he was like the real victim? You know what I mean? See, that's the problem is I don't think- The coach taking him aside from a little extra coaching. I don't think he was, because he's like 6'4". He started balding at like 15. He's a big guy.

And so he wasn't the big, the guy that would have been on this side. No, that wouldn't have been coach's guy. And we would tell him, we'd be like, dude, it's weird. And he's like, he's making sure nothing crazy happens in the shower. He has to keep an eye on us. And I'm like, pause.

Remember coach Smith? Remember how coach Smith handled that? He would stay in his office. And if he had to come out, which was like 10 minutes before the next class, you couldn't pay that dude to look up from the tile. He was like, boys, next class, 10 minutes, hurry it up. And then he was back in his office like any normal person would handle that. The other guy used to, there was a channel where you could look down the corridor to the shower and then you'd take a right into the shower.

It was like a- He'd get one of those low beach chairs, not a normal beach chair, but one really low down so your eyes are right at dick level. He would lean up against the wall and like look down the hallway as you were. I remember him like looking at me drying off and being like, the fuck is this guy's problem?

He would stay in the main area where it's all a bunch of like eighth graders, you know, showering and joking around and getting ready for the next class. Caleb, I missed all this stuff. Doesn't it sound fun? Yeah, shit. That sounds like a fucking blast, dude.

You missed the American bachobasi that we all got to do. Caleb would have been coach's favorite, right? Yes. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. He would have loved you. He'd be like, he'd come in there, you're like showering. would be coach's favorite right yeah he would be like if he come in there you're like shower teachers pet you'd be like with your flowing locks use this conditioner now actually here let me

help like like it would be a whole thing oh yeah you made it into his diary that would later be evidence oh I thought about you you and your pedo coach the other day, because I was reading a Reddit thread about the exact topic and someone said they had a lesbian female gym coach who would go in there and be around the naked kids and be like, all right, five more minutes. And everybody thought it was funny. And I was like, I don't think I would have thought

that was funny. We didn't shower at all. You're always shocked by this, but it wasn't an option. Like we would do, I had my schedule so that my weightlifting classes and stuff were at the end of the day so I wouldn't be stinky. But it wasn't at the very end. I think it was like sixth period I would lift weights and then I had seventh period economics all sweaty. I can remember being like, you know, when you've been sweaty and the AC hits you.

I can remember being in economics all shivery from weightlifting, but there was no option to shower. My gym classes were at the beginning of the day, and it was like, it would have been social suicide to go throughout every day, smelling of BO. And so it was understood that, you know, you're going to shower, you have to. Can't imagine that, like, none of us can, I don't think think although it would have been great for that People did ag because we had a goddamn pig barn at my high school Then you would go in there and like raise piglets and I'll have you ever been a pig barn before but it smells like pig shit And pig shit is one of those stinks that attaches itself to you

And then you carry it with you until you bathe and wash and like there there'd be kids that smell like pig shit all day It's like I don't I may have failed that class too. That was horticulture. They tried to make me like go in and clip baby pig's teeth with clippers. What you got to clip teeth and so they wanted us to go clip the baby piglets teeth and you, it's, you're supposed to do it because they, the, the nipples get infected. I guess they chew on them with these sharp little piglet teeth. And I'm sure there's a reason that doesn't happen in nature or why it's you you're supposed to do it because they the nipples get infected I guess they chew on them with these sharp little piglet teeth And I'm sure there's a reason that doesn't happen in nature or why it's not a problem in nature

But in agriculture or at least in ours it seemed to be and she's like art Mars get in here cut this little baby's big teeth I said we splurge and I'm like nah, I'm good. Did they grow back I Mean they get adult teeth eventually. Oh, they had these sharp little baby pig teeth God and they clip them like fingernails and I'm thinking like, man, that's gotta hurt. I don't want to know that feeling for the rest of my life. I don't think so. I don't want to know. No, I'll fight you to death before I find out. Yeah, that's like something you do to people in Guantanamo. Yeah. I think we're part of that stuff. Yeah. I bet you did that Caleb homeschooling clipping pig teeth. I had a lot of pigs. Yep. I never clipped their teeth

But had some pigs used to beat him around with a cane or whatever you're supposed to walk them He's like tap them on their sides and stuff used to feed him cherries Happy see that seems more fun. Yeah, it was it was nice. Yeah, it was nice. It was nice Feed him pork and stuff Anytime food would get freezer burnt you throw it to them kind of weird seeing them cannibalize each other stuff I've been I've been thinking I keep seeing these NFL players and ex UFC players who just get a little farm Just kind of like for fun with all the animals and I kind of want to do it

I kind of want I kind of want like some some little goats and some piglets I keep watching these YouTube channels, end up crying because I watched some sad story about a goat and a pig who are best friends now. They tell their baby, they're like, this goat was actually hit by lightning and all of its siblings died. And now it looks like this and it's blind

and it had no friends until Igor the piglet, the three-legged piglet came to the farm. And now Igor is his seeing the piglet, the three legged piglet came to the farm. And now Igor, Igor is his seeing eye piglet. And he leads the lightning struck goat around and they love each other. And I'm like, I'm sitting there fucking tears. Lightning struck goat. It's always the saddest story with those animals. There's always some blind, lonely donkey who needs a little goat

pal or something. So I kind of want to do that. I kind of want to get a bunch of them. You should get a whole yard full of those dogs who now need wheels. You know that make, you know, that upsets me, that dogs with wheels upset me. I'm glad that they get the wheels,

but I just don't like the idea of crippled dogs. I don't like it. No one likes it. Anytime I see those videos, I saw this one video, the lady, that's all she has is crippled little dogs in wheelchairs and they go on adventure days together where she's leading this pack of little dogs with wheels for legs through the woods and stuff and every now and then one falls and she Fixes them and and again, it makes me so goddamn sad

I feel so sorry for those little puppies with wheels for legs. It's said Michael Vick popularized those fuck Michael Vick He just got a job as a head coach. I can't remember what university. And I saw him on ESPN whereby kissing his ass. I'm like, I forget you tortured those dogs and you executed those dogs and you raped those dogs and you ran that whole show. You piece of shit. Like, I didn't forget. I didn't forget. I don't know how everybody else did. He like drowned dogs in buckets. Yeah, he drowned dogs in buckets. He's a piece of shit. Fuck Michael Vick. That's so absurd to be like,

you lost the fight, Ajax. Yeah, it's horrific. Horrific. Fuck that guy. I think he's probably drowning weak puppies is probably what he was doing. You know what those people do that fight pit bulls? They'll go around and adopt dogs, old dogs like Labradors and stuff, from shelters and from people who can't take care of

them and pretend like they're a good owner and then use them for bait animals and let the pit bulls rip them apart. Like some sweet old, they'll take sweet old family dogs and have the pit bulls use them for practice. That's horrible. We got to get rid of pit bulls. No more. They're too scary and they're too mean to the other dogs. Yeah. I don't like that. Do you imagine what they would do to Caleb's cute little pups over there? Oh yeah. They'd see him coming though. They're, they're, they're always looking out. Yeah. Pray eyes. No, I don't like that at all. I've always hated Michael Vick after that stuff.

I was, I remember like he was the man in Madden 2004 though. Did you play Madden 2004? You weren't the man if you were playing with them in 2004 Madden. Oh you make fun of the guy who played Madden? It's literally like playing odd job in 007. It's unfair. It's cheating. I felt it was justified. I was a Falcons fan. I'm from Georgia. He's my guy. I can't help that you made my team's quarterback the best player in the entire game did you ever flex on anybody in 007 by playing his jaws and being like you still can't beat me and I'm John I never played double-oh I never played that game that was I never had an insect Nintendo 64 oh that game is did you play that game Caleb the N64 double-oh seven I played

it at friends houses and stuff but I was probably like an infant, you know, it's a very child Yeah, I try wait. What what gears are you? What years do you have? That was it now? I feel ancient that was even like barely younger than me Gold how old do you think I am? Well now I think you're about 12 after that one 26 28 28 20. Wow after that one 26 28 28 20 Wow You say like Riz and stuff like that

No, I don't know my my friends I've got my friends who do that. Yes. Yeah, what he says Riz what he says Riz I can replace what he I cringe super hard when he said it. He was like, what? It's short for charisma. I felt my whole body cringe so hard that I felt like I almost turned into a black hole or something. He's like, oh, my stomach hurts suddenly. That's skippity bro. Please don't talk that into existence. Anytime I see reference to that I just lightly flick and pretend like it doesn't exist.

Oh god. I'll see like words online like that and be like it's better that I don't know what these mean. Now you got to know what they mean. My girlfriend's a fifth grade teacher you know know, so I get like, I get yearly updates on all the I've been able to see throughout the years, the slang change. And I try to pick it up just to annoy her and my sister who has young boys who speak in the same like retarded.

They've got a whole new one too. They grew up on Roblox with all the pedophiles. So they've got a whole new lexicon of slang. All I've heard about Roblox is that it's kind of like a Minecraft where you can create games, but there's apparently a lot of sinister older men on there. Is that? Oh yeah, lots. Yeah, lots. That's like a known quantity. They're like, ah, that's what I've heard jokes, but I don't know how true it is. I think it's true. I mean, it's hard to get these goddamn pedophiles. They're like, ah, that's what I've heard jokes, but I don't know how true it is. I think it's true. I mean, it's hard to it's hard to get these god damn pedophiles. They're so good at just not saying I'm a pedophile.

This is real. It's real tricky. And there's so many of them. So, yeah, it's like they really are. It's one of those things like if you're in a boat, you throw a net out, you pull it up, you wouldn't get a fish, but you throw that net out looking for pedophiles every single time they try to catch one They win, you know, I mean you go fishing you might not get a bite But if I go if I get if I start looking for a petto right now I could log into a couple sites. I'll get you one in an hour, right? Yeah, so easy that all of those YouTube channels sprouted up that are just doing it

Willy-nilly and like hitting guys within the head in the back of the head with pumpkins at walmart and shit for being just get away with it yeah yeah have you seen the newly ped game no i had this guy on my show um he tricks pedophiles into meeting up with him and then he gives them quiz questions and if they answer all the quiz if they miss any of the quiz questions he calls the police on them That's funny. Well, and he tells them that to their face. He's like hey, you're on the newly paid game the game show for pedophiles Where if you don't answer my questions, I'm gonna call the police and then They're like, I'm not a pedophile. He goes no look look you're I was pretending to be 14 You said you'd meet here. You're gonna fuck me. You sent me a picture of your dick, but let's play the game. And he asks him like really simple, like,

are you smarter than a fifth grader style questions. He's really, dude, he's really funny. You should have him on or play his game. I wanna watch some of that. Honestly, I just wanna steal his idea to make it better. I want them to have, I want Taylor to be waiting in a singlet. All right, you gotta pin Taylor.

I have a no pad and I'm like, not so young and attractive, am I? If you can wrestle Taylor, if you can pin Taylor in his onesie and his big show, then we won't call the cops. Exactly. That's like the big show. Yeah. You have to wrestle Mike. I'm the big show from WWE.

I'm the actual guy. We do it like one of those 60s shows where there are three doors he has to choose between. And behind them is Taylor in the big show Singlet. And behind door number three is the cops. And then maybe the other door seems like he gets away. It's like an empty hallway, but we just beat him up at the end of the hallway or something. Or no, it's a little boy from behind. and then he turns around and he's a midget. Like ahhh!

And he stabs him and then he shits him. Yeah we have to set it up so there's no real learning. Look at this little boy's butt. It was a man! It was a man the whole time! You can tell from his big dwarf head. I would watch the shit out of that. I would watch the shit out of that. I would watch the shit out of that. And if you could even make him sign a waiver, you could make

him do some Ninja warrior shit. That'd be fun. Yeah. This is so funny. The newly pet game. That's, that's such a funny concept. I'm going to, I'm going to like some of these so I can watch them later. Newly. This guy. We also, we should get a, we should get old rascal McGovern's I'm down to rascal McGovern's I love that he he locked down old EDP you know that guy had to be stopped he was out there sending doo-doo snaps and stuff you can't be having that you know what this dick that EDP sending the doo-doo snaps the name sounds familiar but there's just so many pedophiles that yeah, he's the giant fat black one Okay, like a youtuber. Okay, I call him 400 pounds

I guess and these guys have a sense of humor our boy rascal McGovern's aka What's his real fucking name Alex Rosen Alex Rosen? Oh, yeah, I've seen someone said Alex Rosen you you were telling me Alex Rosen was pumping 200 pound dumbbells Incline bitch, which is the kind of strength that I can only imagine that sounds like some superhuman shit Pumping yeah 400 pounds essentially for reps is great. He's challenging Harley I'm world's biggest Jew. Yeah, we meet him Taylor a Grange day. I don't know if I met him I did he was huge. He's perfect job cuz job because they're mad man when he time I didn't know who he was all the pedos are terrified when this dude shows up and he'll like low-key bully them

Not even low-key. It'd be like he'll make fun how fat they are He's like the girl I think I think Edie P when he had Edie P bring cupcakes or some shit. He's like I'm surprised. I think he'd eaten waters. Yeah. Oh shit. This is a different time that Edie P got caught I think maybe even because the funny part of it, EDP is the one on the left. He's the pedophile. He's been caught at least twice by like YouTube pedo cat catchers.

Okay. And I think this Zach has told me this guy's name is Gideon, I guess. I don't know who this guy on the right is, but I'm guessing this is the second time he was caught. Cause the first time it wasn't in this location. But yeah, dude keeps showing up and they embarrass him by like, you know, he's talking to the fake child Which is just rascal mcgovins like trolling and he's like, yeah, send me pictures of your doo-doo. I like that and he's like

And like that would have been a red flag for me, right? I mean like I don't think you're a 14 year old girl anymore. But instead edp is like Like yeah, here's my doo my dude. What do you think? Nice and loose Whatever, you know It's super embarrassing. That's rough. It was a big guy. This guy called into my show. He's a listener and Because when this first when this stuff first started happening with the pedophile hunting and he's like, oh, yeah, I do that He was in Australia and he goes, yeah, I do.

I'm talking to them and I give them, just like send me video and stuff. And then I meet up with them and I make them take me to an ATM and pull out their max amount. And then I kick the shit out of them. And then I report them. And I was like, oh, that's like a bunch of crimes. Yeah yeah I'm going to yeah yeah I'm going to court like next week for one of them. I think I'm going to

get off. I'm like all right well that's cool. I mean I don't tell criminals not to do crimes. I'm not to police. I don't have a death wish. I can get behind that kind of vigilante justice. Especially an Australian guy confronting you, like that would be the funniest possible guy where he's like, well, well, you know. All right, what's all this then? He didn't quite what he thought he was, was he? Yeah, I wouldn't like.

Do you watch any of this content, Caleb? Yeah, I watch some people versus Preds. My favorite is, I'm to find my poop pills. There's a guy in CVS and he's a little Asian guy and he's like I'm trying to find my poop pills. And then he gets in a Nissan Juke and he drives away and crashes it. He just he's crazy. Yeah, it's a great I love that video. They're chasing him, you know, pedophile, pedophile. And he's, I love that video. They they're chasing him, you know pedophile pedophile and he's it almost seems like a skit. He's so Manic it's so bad. It's so insane that the guy recording that the the pedophile catcher is like caught very off guard He's like is this real like he doesn't even know what the fuck's going on. It's

We could probably play it. I mean, it's just it's one of the best predator videos that exists It's like Alex We could probably play it. I mean, it's just it's one of the best predator videos that exists. Is that Alex Rosen or a different guy? It's a different guy. It's people versus Preds, I think. Oh, okay. I didn't know that was. But Rex's car in the parking lot trying to escape the like pedo hunters.

Yeah, I love that. That's a new genre of YouTube video. I love the content. They're making it difficult. You got it. I wonder if they ever get a kid, like, you know what I mean? Like, like our kids, even that stupid to be. Yeah.

No, and their kids and like, these are like adults trying to trick them. Like, so, so, yeah, but clearly they're not very smart at all. It's the kind of people who do this. They're not the best and brightest. It is good that now they have to fear giant guys like Alex Rosen being there on the other end of it, just beating them savagely. That's a good thing. Probably minimizes some of these guys

who would otherwise try to do it. Well, I mean, I don't know. If every time I opened the fridge to get a beer, there might be a big guy there beating me up, I would still do it. Fair enough If I knew there was like a 5% chance there was a large man guarding my fair Yeah, I was like a like a kindergarten class box of goldfish

Don't need some snacks. Yeah, you still need the beer need the treats the cake Yeah, they're just they're addicted to being bad. Those pedos. Nobody. Nobody likes those guys. Well, that one guy with the island like them, but you know, he's he's gone. What guy? Jeff Steen. The financier, the financier. Yeah, the successful businessman who had some ties to who's to say. Yeah, I don't know. Different episteme than financier. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't talk about the ties, okay?

You get a little bit of trouble when you start talking about them ties. You get debanked, motherfucker. Be careful. Yeah, we don't want to get Kanye'd. No, leave them alone. What's he up to? Is he back to having fun online? I think he's back on Twitter, I heard.

Really? Right? I was so shocked that after Kanye had done all the anti-Jew stuff that during the Gaza conflict he didn't try to interject and be like, you see? You see? And try to get some of that love. He just didn't say a word though. I was shocked that he didn't. sick that naked lady on him now where'd you go?

Who's that lady is naked with him all the time yeah wearing Italian yeah That lady is so godlike she looks like a blow-up sex doll or something I had to be like fetish play, right? That had to be him enjoying like Embarrassing her and like like like showing her off and making her be naked in public and her enjoying that too and him just be Like where this shit she's like that's just yeah, that's those aren't clothes. That's just a tap. That's a napkin from Denny's Pieces of duct tape and now're going to walk around the city

while I'm dressed like the Wizard of Oz. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, it's great. Like there was a whole subreddit devoted to that. That chick, I think it's since been deleted. All the good ones get got. But it was just like I saw that lady's pussy every day for three weeks or something like that earlier this year.

It was great. Bianca Sensori. Yeah. What a cool name. We do a similar kind of three weeks or something like that earlier this year. It was great. Bianca, since sorry. Yeah, what a cool name. We do a similar kind of humiliation play here where I leave my shoes in the middle of the room and then I get yelled at every day for doing it. I don't know if you guys have ever played that game sex to spice up your sex life. It's a lot. Do you ever do it just to antagonize her a little bit? Kick those shoes off? Well, now I do it every time. Every morning when she's at work, I get all my shoes from the closet, dump them in a little room. I go down to Salvation Army, grab shoes out of the bin, bring them home, drop them all over the place. It's fun. Dude, you have a kid now. I think you might be

the only person to have defeated the Chris Chan medallion. Oh, I am the demon. I a kid now. I think you might be the only person to have defeated the Chris Chan medallion. Oh, I am the demon. I didn't want to tell you guys to ruin the surprise, but that's why. Yeah, I think we've been messing up everyone else's life. I thought it would be funny. You know the curse of the Chris Chan amulet, right Kyle? That little sonichu? You're still muted bud. Chris-chan amulet right Kyle that that little sonichu you're still muted but Behind there The sonichu is probably the only thing I don't know about I know all about sonichu. I know about all the fictional nonsense

I've seen the videos. I know who Chris-chan is but what is the curse of the sonichu? Dick probably knows it better than me Well pretty much like every influencer who gets one of these or every YouTube person who gets one of these medallions They put it on and then their life gets all fucked up Hang on a minute. Mine's got a puben in it too so it's extra powerful. Seriously. Put that down, put that down. You got a baby in the oven. You think that's one of Chris's pubes? Yeah, I think so. I don't know if it's coming off his cock or off of his chest, but it's yeah

I would I would rather have a cock pubed than a chest pub From a lovely lady like Christine someday. Those will be treasured like like Egyptian glyphs Thousands of years from now You know, they never you don't want like you open necronomicon in a horror story, you're like, oh, there's a pub in it. Like that's never really, nobody wants like a curse that has a pub in it, right? Imagine if there was a pub on the Shroud of Turin. Yeah, exactly.

Like, well, this dates it to Jesus, but nobody wants it now. Like imagine, like you're hearing voices, but it's not like the traditional demon. It's just, you hear Chris being like, and then in the year 3000, Sonic and Tails will return and save the world from Megazord. And his ridiculous whailings. That guy just, uh, isn't he, isn't he having a kid? No, that was a fake news. Oh really? Is it true?

I read it. I didn't know if it's true or not I I saw something about you know, Chris Chan is pregnant. Oh my god on on reddit But then I I read up on it and couldn't find any real evidence, but you would find any real evidence No, well for that guy you would because he has to be the most Documented like law cow of all time. Yeah Wait, what the fuck am I talking about? That's not a What for a second I considered the possibility that Chris Chan could actually get pregnant and I just I thought you were saying to like,

he's pregnant colloquially. Like the way people will say, we're pregnant. We're pregnant. Are you gonna start saying that, Dick? Are you gonna go to friends and say, we're pregnant? Yeah, I'm gonna do just the most annoying shit ever. Dude, every argument you make from now on leaned so heavy on your child.

I'm gonna do maternity photos where I'm kissing the stomach. And doing back front to back, like we're a buddy cop movie with the pregnant belly, you know there? Oh, perfect. Yeah. Post those.

I'm gonna have a baby shower at like GameStop. I'm just gonna put a bunch of like, I'm just gonna put Pokemon cards on the registry. Here you go. I want this shadowless Charizard. I want this Lugia, first edition. Good stuff for the baby. Oh, for the baby.

That's the baby's retirement. Is a Holo-Fuel Gen 1 Charizard, which is like 300 grand now, right? Dude, I found, or my nephew found my old Pokemon cards in my room at my parents' house. I thought they were lost forever. Like I've been looking for these cards. Caleb, you know Pokemon at least.

Oh yeah. Yeah, okay, okay, okay, I gotcha. I've heard of it. I was playing in 1999 and I played the base set, you know, then Fossil and Jungle and I was like still collecting them, but not really playing with them. And then 20 years later, they became worth something. And I said, where are these, where are my cards?

I can't find them anywhere. They're not, I must've lost them somewhere or maybe an ex took them right through the, someone stole them from me, right? So I get a call from my, I get a call from my mom saying, your nephew found these cards in your room and he warned me not to touch them,

that I should call you before I touch them. I said, okay, put him on the phone, stand up, leave the room and put him on the phone. Don't touch anything. Don't step on anything. Just put him on right now. And I tell him, I was like, hey, what's the deal? What's going on?

He's like, uncle, I found your Pokemon cards. I found a huge box of Pokemon cards. I said, okay Don't steal any I'll give you some but don't steal any so I go up there and it's like dude It's first edition Lugia's from Neo Like cards that I didn't even cards. I didn't even know I had they're worth like if they're if they grade at like a 10 They're worth like a hundred grand a piece. It's crazy. Or 20 grand a piece. It's crazy.

I probably found like a hundred thousand dollars worth of cards in there. Are they all in good condition? I gotta, I gotta go get them graded. Oh, they're, they're perfect. Taylor, they're perfect. I was looking through them. I waited till my girlfriend left to go shopping at Target and I was like, okay, she'll be there for like four hours.

So I have plenty of time. It's right down the street. until my girlfriend left to go shopping at Target. And I was like, okay, she'll be there for like four hours. So I have plenty of time. It's right down the street. So I got about four hours of time by myself to go through these cards and see which ones are good. And I'm going set by set, right? They said, okay, Charizard, Charizard, Charizard. Yeah, that's fine, that's fine.

And I get to the money ones and it's like, I'm pulling them out like three, four at a time, the big money cards and doing like, I'm like, my hands are trembling like a brain surgeon trying to put these cards that haven't been moved in 20 years from when I sleeve them in penny sleeves into slightly more reliable sleeves that I can send them into the grading grading card company and get whatever you know Whatever the price some weirdo is gonna pay me for them So most probably one of the most stressful things I've ever had to do

These cuz they I don't know if you guys are collecting cards, but they're the plastic sleeves are They're like, you know, like when you take like a saw like when an old-timey saw and go like Right, like every one of the plastic sleeves like you pinch it a little you have to pinch it to put the card in but it's like when you it's totally unstable for the amount of money that people are using to store these things in so I'm finally gearing up I practice putting all the like the kind of crummy but still really expensive cards in and I'm gearing up for the big the Luke is at the end and I'm like

Getting ready to put it in and I hear in the gravel. I hear the gravel out front of my house go For my girlfriend driving her car from getting home and I'm like, oh no Fuck this is who I want to hide like that. Yeah, I gotta hide these assets and I can't stop now because I've like I'm in the zone Now I I I sleeved eight or ten cards. I'm in the zone I can't stop at the most expensive cards or I'm gonna totally reset my brain and then fuck up what I know how this Is gonna work. So I'm like fuck. I could just got a fucking deal with this and she comes in She's like, what are you doing? I'm like nothing like I'm old enough to know not to tell her what I'm, I'm kinda, nothing.

What are you doing? Like she's like, no follow up questions, don't worry about it, you don't need to explain what you're doing here. What do you mean? Yeah, exactly, that's not happening. She doesn't care what I'm actually doing. She's just saying that. She's saying that to Oscar.

She's like, you wanna see, I'm getting ready to put it in again. Here goes the card, okay, okay, okay, here it is. And then I wait, I pause. I'm like, I know what's coming next. I know in my bones what's coming next and she goes you want to see what I got a target and like oh man that would have come at the that would have come at the worst possible time I would shred the card right yeah because I would be ready to smell these candles I would have been right in

the red right you know what are you I got a target no I don't want'm like, of course, I would love to see what you got to target. She's like, look at this. I got some, like, fake flowers and I got a candle and some shit. And I'm like, oh, that's amazing. Uh, okay. Uh, she's like, I'm going to go put it, put it, uh, I'm going to go put this away in the bathroom. I'm like, oh yes. Okay. I got exactly, I got exactly 20 seconds, right right from I sit down and like a machine I'm like you it's now or never like if she comes out of there she's gonna ask you to clean up the table for dinner and It's gonna you're gonna stack it on the counter

And then it's you're gonna forget that you stacked it there And then she's gonna put it away in the garage or something and that's it It's gonna be a hundred thousand dollars down the drain so I sit down and go boom sleeve boom look at boom Put it down boom like the cup stacking people you know. Damn. I put it in and she comes out she's like what's wrong with you why are you breathing so hard and I'm like honey. I just found that I'm like now sit down now I can tell you I just found the baby's college money in the garage in a box that hasn't been moved for and she's like, okay, that's what you're playing with Pokemon cards all day. When I was like, I'm like, yeah,

there's what I was doing, but a little bit. Yeah. I just got again, 2000 target trips for you. Yeah. From a random box of cards. It's just like, well, what are you going to do with the rest of these? I'm like, really? That's the, Oh my, I would be the million. You know what I'm like, really? That's the... What the fuck? Oh my... I would be the Libyan. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna hang on to them. So those turn into another $100,000 in 15 years. What do you think we should do? Maybe throw them away?

Cause why not? Oh, look at where space these cards take up. Oh my God, where are we gonna put these? Oh, geez. Dude, that's sick. Just finding a hundred grand. That burns my ass. What are we gonna do?

Yeah, I fought my mother to the death about throwing these cards away for 20 years. I'm not about to fold now. If my significant other told me some shit like that, I'd be like, well, guess I'm getting into Pokemon because that's our jam now. I didn't know there's just six figures laying around in these silly, oh man, congratulations.

I couldn't believe it, thank you. That's awesome, I don't think this went in. And it was expired, so I had to contact him to get the money. But it was like $14,000. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in.

And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in. And I was like, oh, I don't think this went in and it was it was expired so I had like contact him get the money, but it was like $14,000 or something that I just found basically in the drawer now to be fair It was in a drawer full of paychecks that were there to be gone through for you know for that reason anyway But still that was 14 gram that I just found in a fucking drawer one time, but not a hundred grand worth of Pokemon cards That's so cool, dude. Well, let's see. I'm on cards. It like makes it so much cooler to me Yeah, I hope it's I've it's 200 grand. Good luck to you, sir It's like the the graders they won't let you bring in the cards

Well, if you pay like 600 bucks of cards, you can bring them in so you have to bring them to these by hand so you have to bring them to these like card conventions. And I'm like, oh man, I gotta bring this stack to a card convention and like, I don't know, bribe the guy who handles the box to bring them back in or just trust that they won't fling them around for fun. But the hard part, as far as I'm concerned is over.

The sleeving is over. So I'm excited. When do you get them back? I don't know. Probably take like a month or two. Guys are more excited when I tell them that than they are about the baby. Like, oh baby, congratulations. I found a higher grade with a pookie. I can make a baby. I have them. I've made babies before and paid to get rid of them. All right? You sir have just come upon a hundred thousand dollars worth of silly cards that I'm sure if they didn't have monetary value, you'd still want those fucking cards,

right? Yeah, I'm keeping the comments too. Fuck that. If it was ten dollars worth of cards, you'd still be like pretty jazzed to have found those cards. That's that's great. Man, I wish I had all mine got destroyed in a flood at my parents' house in their basement. And I had like, like I was playing with Pokemon cards. Your dad stole them? Dude, if my dad stole my Charizard and stuff, first of all, there's no way he even has an inkling of an idea that Pokemon cards are worth anything.

But like, I remember I'll see pictures online of the Charizard and be like, every kid on the playground had that one like every kid had some of these these cards and now they're just lost time there was a website in 2010 that would give you five Bitcoin for doing a capture so you know oh yeah I saw I saw like this old post that was like for a magic the gathering tournament and it was like first place, $500, second place, a hundred, third place, fifty, fourth through eighth place, twenty five bitcoins each. And it's like, oh, I guarantee none of those people like held on to it because like, and

I like it's easy to look back and I mean, I was like, when did when did Bitcoin start? 2010? Is that a little earlier? Yeah. 2009? I don't know. That's what I thought. I thought it was like 2008 or 2009 maybe when it was just some like micro fraction of a penny type thing getting started. I was only like 19 in 2010.

That's the time travel. I wouldn't have had the prescience to keep it. What we should do is we should start looking back between the years that Bitcoin was like, super low for fucking time travelers. Because if there is any time travel, that's where they're going. They're going to when Bitcoin was a penny or a fraction of a penny, or name a point, because it's $100,000 now plus. If you could go back there to 2010 and just be a billionaire, trillionaire, what do you want to be?

That'd be sick. And then you hear about the stories of guys who are like, my girlfriend threw away $120 million of Bitcoin because it was on the bathroom counter or something. And it's like, how do you wake up the next day? There's stories about guys with hard drives with hundreds of millions on them and they don't know their passcode and They've already done like two or three tries and they got one more try at this thing and then that's it and they're just sitting there Like going through like reversion therapy with a fucking hypnotist Trying to remember what that goddamn password to the $150 million that they got sitting in their attic is, you know, that's wild that that thing got that valuable.

And there are definitely hard drives just sitting around and some old persons have, you know, with enormous amounts of money on them. If they were given the five away to anybody to do to capture that year, like, there must be tons of bitcoins that are just sitting around places and people don't know what they've got. Yeah, for sure. Not everyone remember, when it was worth 0.002 cents, you weren't thinking in your head, I have got to keep this in the most precious of places. You were just like, in the drawer. And the drawer it goes, maybe next to some some pen caps and Maybe later. Yeah, or some scissors like just a totally inconsequential thing that you could accidentally scoop up and throw away

That's worse than never getting any at all is having some early and then blowing it That would be like yeah Suicide fuel I could have been like a hundred millionaire and now I'm working at enterprise. I wanted to give you an update. I want to give you an update on our most extreme patron. His name is, his name's Matt. I hope he doesn't mind me saying that he, uh, he's been blowing, uh, at eight hundred and something thousand dollar inheritance over the last year or

two on, uh, ladies of the night and drugs. And he just, and he loves to gamble too. So he's a wild guy. It's a lot of fun. A triple threat is what they call it. He's a triple threat. You know, he loves to gamble. He likes, he likes prostitutes and he loves cocaine.

And, and it's, it's a lot of fun to, If you're gonna combine coke with anything, that's what you should combine it with. Yeah. Not like a family and a YouTube career. That would be a bad thing. I think he went through like $600, $700,000 and got down to like his last 100, 150,

and then did some like risky crypto exchanges and like bumped it up to maybe 50 or 100 more. And then I think currently his money is mostly going to his transsexual prostitutes because he's got like a whole stable of him he sent like all these pictures in the chat like like this is we're just in there we're in the we got to join the discord at some point Taylor when we were doing one of our game nights because this guy's in there linking his whole stable of Tranny Hoes and there's like nine or ten like semi passable people and he's just like oh

it's a great deal man at first you start off paying but you know after they'll give you some freebies every now and then when they want to film stuff for their only fans it's a good deal really freebies so he's working for them they're because they're making money on the yeah yeah I guess so I guess so you could you look at it that way although he's getting so he's moved on entirely from women. No, no, he wouldn't. He made that very clear, Taylor. He wanted it.

He wanted us all to know that he wasn't some homo gay that he liked. He liked women and trans women. He was like he like and and and the chat is like crickets, by the way, because we're playing hell divers too, just trying to shoot the shit. And this guy has, he's linked all of his prostitute friends in the chat. And we're just like, I'm trying to kill bugs here. And he's just like, yeah, yeah, it's a great deal. He is a wild man. He's a lot of fun to hang around with, or at least to listen to. um, he was gambling on the most outrageous things it was like

Wasn't he like putting huge amounts of money on like yeah on like professional table tennis or like like double-a Japanese baseball It was Asian table tennis specifically that he was gambling on with like huge amounts of money. Yeah, he's a he's an interesting fellow Did he does he follow it or he just thought it was funny? He thought it was he thought he had a system for Asian Okay, okay He said that the odds makers over correct when a person goes down by one point and he's able to jump on that and get Easy money, of course He's a person who lost eight hundred thousand dollars in Asia gambling and and doing drugs So I don't really check you know, trust is

Maybe that's mostly going to coke. Maybe maybe the gambling is going well You can't imagine the prostitutes would would be that expensive in Asia, right? Like like how could you go through? I thought he was in Italy Like Europe I could have sworn he was he was in Thailand or at he probably traveled the fucking world Spent of that seven or eight hundred gram Everybody was everybody always shits on him, but I'm like, you know, I wouldn't recommend doing what he did He's had a lot of fun Are they are the trans prostitutes more or less than the women ones? I?

Can't I couldn't say He didn't tell you? I didn't ask. I'm trying to play the first question. I'm trying to kill Buck. What's the mean price? Yeah. Trans versus the ladies. Which way does the glass ceiling work in whores? I never considered this. I'm just gonna write this in the general party chat. Hey Matt, how much do those trans hoes cost you? Cause you'd think like it would be less cause the demand isn't there. But then you think, well, wait a minute.

Is it so rare that you get a passable trans prostitute that it commands like a you know like a premium premium yeah he's hooking up with like porn stars too like because he's like oh this I don't want to say her name because it feels like I shouldn't but like he like he kept saying her name like I'm supposed to know who she is he is a like like she's a famous one or something. So I don't know. I don't know, man. Absolute goon. I think he's like, because when he wrote into us, like probably two years ago, he was like,

what should I do with this money? I probably shouldn't continue to do what I'm doing. He's still doing that. Still doing what he's doing. You know what he told me last night or maybe the night before? He was like, Kyle, when you said on the show that what I should do with my remaining money is send it all to you, I was so close to sending you $70,000. And I was like, man, you don't know me well enough to send me $70,000. Because I'll buy a Bitcoin right away and pretend like that didn't happen. He would have wanted you to fuck him. No, I think I genuinely told him like just give me the money and I'll invest it for you and I'll give it back to you when you're destitute which is seems

to be what you're pursuing towards. Woody said on the show he's like what's your plan dude blowing your brains out when you run out of money because because that's kind of what it seems like. Like straight up. Matt was like, man, that sat with me for a long time. That really hurt me. I started thinking like, am I gonna? Am I? I really went to a dark sleep. And I'm like, dude, don't listen to Woody. Don't listen to Woody. Don't listen to that. And you know what happens when you dwell on things like that for a long time? It makes you really want cocaine. Yeah, Woody. I don't think that's a good idea. What's your end game? A pistol to your head?

Damn it, Woody. Leave him alone. This guy pays us $50 a month. Oh, a pittance. We can't afford to lose him. We're not even fucking him. I mean, we need a premium program maybe that he could sign up for. You know what I mean? Like, I bet Hustlers University has like their normal $150, $200 thing, but then they've got like the OG sampler or whatever that you pay $1,000 a month for and really kiss home boys ass.

Man, so he's down to 70 grand maybe because that's the number he that's what he's like i almost sent you that the other day maybe he's down to 70 grand he also said he got a job too yeah i i'm guessing he definitely doesn't have more than 150 like like he's torching yeah he did damn that sucks I would do if I was him though a good time would use it that way I not that way no but I'd use it for sure if I got money just for fucking free there's just no like I just had to work for so much stuff and I just am so careful with everything I just would love to be really dumb for a while

I think that'd be really cool. What would you do? What would be your dumb things? Ah, honestly, it's probably not even that dumb. I would buy a lot of guns and land buy a lot of land Traditional investment seven hundred grand. Let's say you get seven hundred grand from an inheritance like this guy I would I would build a house on my land so you'd be incredibly responsible You're doing that same I saw a billionaire get interviewed they're like, what do you splurge on your for yourself? And he's like I have really nice socks and it's like shut the fuck up Art a house is not a splurge. I would go nuts on bonds What are you? All right.

A house is not a splurge. I would go nuts on bonds. I'm a wilder in the future, dude. Let's go. Trading futures. He's got a wacky and raw higher rate. Re-personnel return guaranteed. Yeah.

A jumbo Roth. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like guns probably. Guitars maybe. I love guitars.

See, I don't think guns are even that bad of a splurge because if you truly want to you can often get like at least 80% of your money back oh yeah you know it's not like a truth some of them are appreciating assets as we all know I yeah there's a guy in there are our discord who is starting sort of a collection of machine guns and they're expensive you know transferable machine guns but they ain't making anymore so when he I don't remember what he spent. What do you mean? So in 1986, there was a law that banned fully automatic machine guns for civilians and the production

of them for civilians and all that stuff. And made it a national or a federal restricted item. But everything made before that is grandfathered in. And so those are transferable machine guns that come with a tax stamp, a piece of paper that we're going to exchange that gives you the right to have this thing. And there are a lot of them,

but there are never going to be any more of them. Now, what a lot of people did, especially guys who own medium-sized gun companies, is like, I think maybe it's a Mac pistol or something like that. The registered part, the part that like this is the gun, because if you start taking an M16 apart, eventually you're like, which part is the gun part?

You know, and it's the lower on an M4 or something like that. But on the Mac, it was just this little thing, this little chunk of metal. So they just printed out 3000 of those with serial numbers on. So now they can take that registered item and just make a new Mac anytime they want. So that's cool. Okay. But but if you get something rare like an AK or an M16 that's transferable, they're worth a lot of money and they're only going up every year. It's where it it's probably better than Bitcoin, honestly, for for constantly going up in price. And the only thing that's going to change that is if they legalize machine guns for

civilians which i don't think they're gonna do. How much is a pre-86 AK like how much does that cost? I off the top of my head 50 to 100 000 depending on the rarity and the type or something like that. Yes shitty ones are like 15 grand. Old pre-80s auto guns are all like 15 grand shitty she old pre-80s Autoguns are all like 15 grand back the shitty ones a really shitty one So like the the lowest what was always the the entry level machine gun if you wanted to get into transferables It was a Mac like a little fully automatic like gangster pistol because those were usually

3,500 to 4 grand for a good one and you could often get it with the suppressor for 4500 or 5 grand and you had a suppressed little machine pistol But there's a guy in our discord. Like I said, he did people a Sten gun I think and he's like got all he 3d printed all these aluminum pieces. So he's got a EOTech on that bitch He's got grips on it. He's got a forend on it with flashlights and lasers. It's crazy. And you can take it all off. So he didn't mar the surface or weld anything on and he's still got his nice transferable. Sten. He's got a few things now. Those are those are good investment and they're

fucking cool. Every month seems or every other month, at least it seems like he shows up like you guys want to see my new gun. And it's not like a tiddlywink bullshit gun. It's like yeah Belt-fed machine gun that you could like that like Isis would put on a truck Yeah, yeah, he got a night. I think he got a 1919 machine gun it's a Belt fed 30 caliber machine gun. It's a World War two machine

Yeah, well was used on used in World War II. I've shot one before. They're fucking cool. I've even won a 2018 prices were expected to be 100,000. Yeah, a hundred grand for transferable AK sounds about right. They're very expensive. That's crazy.

I shot a transferable 50 caliber one time and they said it was worth like quarter million to three and a thousand dollars and The owner was there and he wanted to show off that he knew how better than we did And so when you when you put the barrel on it has this little indent type thing and basically like a nub has to go down into a channel and then you Twist the barrel and it locks the barrel into place and the owner didn't know that so he tried to ram it in and knock The nub off and ruin and like ruined the fucking barrel to the transferable quarter know that. So he tried to ram it in and knock the nub off and

like ruined the fucking barrel to the transferable quarter million dollar machine gun while we all watched. And then he was so embarrassed. He tried to blame it on somebody else. That was a fun day. Tanner Iskra And there's no fixing that. Chris Bounds Yeah, anything can be fixed, you know, like especially in that community when you've got something that's very expensive, people remake tanks. They'll buy tanks from Canada, import them tanks and artillery pieces, because it's very legal to have a tanker and artillery piece in Canada.

That's one of the things they miss, don't tell Trudeau. And they'll import them from there, and then they'll rearm them here if they have the right licensing. It doesn't take too much licensing, but you can have a working, running, shooting tank perfectly legally. Canada has tanks.

Uh, I think my understanding is there's a lot of world war two pieces that were imported into Canada and are still civilian legal to own because not a lot of people on tanks, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's a niche community. It's not something you'd really need to legislate about normally. Um, but yeah,, you get a tank Artillery that bofers gun I shots for sale and get anything anti-aircraft. I like I

You can get anything you want if you have the money What would be what could you ever use the bofers or I guess you just blow stuff up with it that would be fun Um, I mean, it's an antique aircraft gun If you ever were had some guys flying at you you want to get rid of You got yourself a 40 millimeter anti-aircraft. You have a couple October 7th guys flying towards you. You just shred them up You know, whatever that's what Woody fears in his flying chair the boat first Would he take down a Hamas on a paraglider in his paraglider?

Do they have evasive maneuvers? I bet he could. Woody's been doing it longer than ISIS, and he would have the werewithal up there to get close enough, because he's doing loop-de-loops and tricks up there. Wait, what? Yeah, he does full loops, and we'll ask him about it.

And he's like, well, I'm taking it safe. I only do that at like 4000, 5000 feet so that I have plenty of time to correct if I start losing altitude. And it's like, that's such a wild hobby. It's not like, you know, he did that. Like he did training where your shoot fails And he did something where like you start with a bad shoot and have to cut your shoot away and open a new shoot Or you hit the water like like he's Holy shit, he's crashed a couple times his legs put together with screws and shit, dude

Wow, I don't think he's crashed in a while, but like once every 18 months or so He'll be on the show and be like you guys probably haven't heard Another member of the paramotor community has passed away. He was fucking around over Lake Erie and now he's at the bottom of it. Someone shot him. Someone shot him down. They thought it was a UFO. There's this one doofus in the param fair motor community. You got to keep in mind that you got a giant fan on your in a backpack behind you. And it's a it's like a it's like a propeller from a World War Two plane. You know, it's serious business back there behind on your looks like a

Da Vinci drawing of a flying machine. It's like, is he sitting down? Or is he standing up? He has to run to get it going. So it's the fan is strapped to his back. You have to be fit to do it. The whole thing weighs like 60 or 75 pounds. Oh wow, okay. That makes it funnier. Oh, totally. There's a guy in their community

who liked what he doesn't like, and the guy was working on his paramotor, and he had it running, but not strapped to him, and he bent over and stuck the top of his head into the prop of his own paramotor, and it chopped the top of his skull off and gave him a flat top. He gave him a permanent fucking flat top. Oh my God.

He's a hat man now. That's crazy. Dude, he's a hat man for life. That's what happened to that guy, Tim Pool. That's why he wears that thing. Yeah, he's got a man for life. That's what happened to that guy, Tim Pool. That's why he wears that thing. Yeah, he's got a big dent in his head. He leans too far forward and gets chopped up. No, I bet genuinely, I bet Woody could run circles around anybody in that goddamn paramotor.

He can do all sorts of acrobatic loop-de-loop shit. He does these barrel rolls, end over end, upside down, spinning like thousands of feet up. That looked fun to me at all. it looks it looks hellish and scary dude every time he does that jackie has like a wife of a world war one soldier moment where he's like i'm going out adventuring and then like she's just like i hope i hope he comes back he's already in system here. She's like looking at the clock on the wall. It's getting late. He's still up there. Is he in Israel right now training the IDF? Oh, come on now. Don't blow his cover. Don't blow his cover. Oh, sorry.

He's deep. He's deep cover. He's in a black cell right now. You can't be talking about it. What did I say his code name was? The Nightwing? Yeah. Yeah. Good name, Nightwing. Yeah. Because I'm always saying he'd make he'd make like a hat good half-assed superhero If he just had a gun and he flew around and fought crime up there If there was a type of aerial assault that I at my level of shooting skill could be an effective threat against it would be a paramotorist Like you have so much time

To be like what's that? We're gonna have to give it another 15 minutes. Oh it's a guy with a fan. How queer. Huh okay well. Yeah it'd be fun too. Like it wouldn't you wouldn't be all like panicked like oh no there's the enemy. It'd be like oh fun. Yeah. Get to shoot at this guy like at fair. You ever see. It's gonna explode when it hits the ground. It's going to be like a thump and a guy going like, like, do you ever see the Holyfield fight where the asshole landed in the stadium on a paramotor and like, hit the ring? Yeah. Yeah. My dad was at that fight. Yeah. Yeah.

The best part is they start beating his ass. It's not escorting out of the building. They start walking his ass because he delayed the fight and like they got all cold again and like the fight wasn't as good. Oh, my God. I'm just now putting the pieces together that this is what Moe and Homer were doing. And you didn't know that. Taylor.

I've watched The Simpsons far too much to miss such a culturally. Yeah. Damn. You know Moe's last name? Syslak. Yeah. Yeah, because he's Polish, right? It's hard to get one over on you, Taylor.

You've got to ask you something like how much does a skeleton weigh or something like that. You've got to come at you sideways. Dude, roll the tape back. said 35 pounds zack and that's pretty close you're like way over on the weight of that skeleton i'm not giving you that point that's true sometimes sometimes you stump me but i didn't get my steam engine and i'll tell you, I'm a little steamed. You should be. I got a note that said it was delivering the steam engine to you. I sent you the screenshot so it couldn't be disputed. And they did not, they did not do what they usually do, which is include a picture of the package.

And so I guarantee someone just lost it, didn't deliver it. And then they were like, let's see if we can slip this past the goalie. Uh, delivered basically, Dick, I lost a bet on something to Kyle. And in lieu of money, I had to buy him some chachki and he wanted one of those desktop, tiny working steam engines. Sure. Yeah, those are cool. Yeah, they are pretty cool. And so I found a good one, got it sent.

We're supposed to arrive in time for Christmas. Then it got delayed by 10 days because fucking China is not on their shit. And now now you're engineless. I'll figure it out. It was very interesting. What I want is to take like one of those small candle powered steam engines and power a phone bank charger so that I can charge my phone with steam. I think that's silly but funny at the same time and I want to make that happen. So I was sad and you're like, you know, and I'm just going to refund this. I'll never get my steam engine now. Nope. Not unless you have $48.

Oh, now that I know that I don't even feel as bad. I that's not even a good steam. That's not even the cheapest one. I went for like the third cheapest one. Certainly not the most expensive one. Is it? No, the most expensive one was like, you know, when you look clicking an Amazon link and it's just some guy in India being like, short for the stars at the very least you can land on the moon.

And they like list something for like $1,900. That's clearly worth 200. Yeah. Yeah. Those were the most expensive ones. God damn it. I saw that one piece of shit. Amazon driver just dumped like 80 packages in the woods because he was overwhelmed He just took a whole load of packages and just dumped them in the woods and then get done I

Would have at least stolen them. They found them in the woods. It's like a big story because it's people's Christmas. It's tons of Christmas shit Yeah, that guy's a real Grinch. How did they make him with like a hidden woods woods camera? I don't know. I just know I saw a video of like all the packages dumped in the woods. I think somebody found the packages. That's why. Oh, that's terrible. Since yeah, I think the packages. What a jerk. Yeah. Remember when Christmas shopping was like annoying and difficult and now it's just like,

oh, I got to spend 30 minutes on Amazon, just adding everything to the cart and then just check out different places. I get some Etsy stuff. I like having stuff made handmade on Etsy. Sometimes I've had some like paintings done and some little knickknack things done. And then just, I don't't know I like that it's a an artisan sort of or at least an individual and I'm not getting Bezos involved but for the most part it's what you said it's just going down the list everybody's address is here they'll even

gift wrap that shit for me you know it's a it's a it's great I didn't know that of course I've never selected that option Send his gift. I Thought that just meant that it included a receipt that they're not wrapping my shit. I didn't put the price on it I really I really expected him to wrap that they were like putting like Santa's paper bags Amazon gift wrapping bags You're sending very thoughtful Amazon basics bags to your yeah, that's fair Yeah, I don't want any like like I don't even care about Christmas anymore Full Amazon basics bags to your loved ones. Yeah. That's fair. Yeah.

I don't want any like, like I don't even care about Christmas anymore. I don't need any surprise. Like, like I got a few gifts this year and they're, they're wrapped or they're in bags. I'm like, I got to tear it out of there. Like, I just want you to say anything to me. And like, Oh, it's one of those, let me find my knife. Try to get into this thing. I haven't gotten a good Christmas gift.

Oh my God. When's the last time I got a good Christmas gift. Oh my God, when's the last time I got a good Christmas gift? What was it? I don't know when I was a kid, my dad got me a four wheeler. My dad got me plenty of Christmas gifts, but as an adult, I think I've gotten very few good Christmas gifts. My girlfriend got me that signed shit. She got me the the cast of Pred signed, like Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura and all those guys. That's probably genuinely the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten.

And then I got this thing this year. She got me this like alien fighting a predator in glass type thing that I kind of like to get like little eggs in there. I was one. I thought you had bought a small fish tank. I didn't know what that was. Me too. I've got lots of signed stuff and lots of movie stuff. That's, that's, if you want to get me a gift, not you specifically, but like in general, like that's always the go-to that'll make me happy. Yeah, Taylor, if you're thinking about what to get. Kyle. You want to replace that steam engine. Kyle, here's a poster. It's signed by the star of blank check. Kyle, here's a poster. It's signed by the star of blank check.

Would you like that? I like the most of the chairs by the star of the entire cast of Beethoven signed. I kind of like the bad footprint on it. Oh, I would. Now, I would like that. That would be nice. I'd really appreciate that. Yeah. Get the second sign. That's the one we had. We didn't have the first movie. I think you'll appreciate this Kyle. It's a signed copy of little soldiers. Do you remember that movie? Oh yeah. It's Kurt Russell. Uh, does the voice for the,

the, the bad, the bad one. I don't remember, uh, all the, all the characters. That's good movie. I liked that movie a lot. I had it on VHS at my grandparents house. And because it was PG 13, I'm like, I'm getting away with something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty adult for a movie about like action figures coming to life. Was that pre-Toy Story?

I don't know, around the same time probably. Yeah. Toy Story fugs like- I got great stuff for Christmas. I got a griddle, like a 32 inch outdoor propane griddle. I don't know how to use it. I'm not very good at, you know, cooking and grilling stuff, but I just want to make those little tepon like onion

volcanoes that they have at Benny Hanna's. Yeah, nice. Put a little hat on, you know. Those are great. Yeah. Maybe chop some eggs. My grandparents have some. It's a good deal.

Make your own hibachi. Did you get anything good, Caleb, for Christmas? Yeah, my fiance got me a life-sized Halo 2 Master Chief thing that was used for promotion

in 2005 when halo 2 first launched Which is pretty cool pretty cool gift very rare Life-size Master Chief. Yeah, we're building a nice big studio here and and it's gonna go right in my office nice It is ridiculous, it's 6-8 6-8. I didn't know he was such a big dude. He's a big son bitch. I got are you gonna bounce another full-sized static full-size little guy full-sized

Now what are those things if you guys ever seen the movie Willow? I Don't think so you guys have never seen the movie Willow I guess that's like yeah, it's like 1985 shit. Yeah, I love will I dude? There's no little small people in it Getting some of those though. That would be kind of cool. I Guess this would just be action figures. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, unfortunately there's a couple of websites to get like move use movie props and And they make tons of extras for things

and you can get little things like the newspaper that was like held in ex-actor's hand and like Resident Evil that has nothing to do with anything. And they're like, hey, we got it here, you got 20 bucks. And you can go through there and really get anything you want. I like going through there and looking for fun props. I've always wanted some of the like fake guns,

but they're always crazy expensive. Like the guns from alien and stuff like that are like really really expensive like 10 grand level no, no like like 75,000 150,000 whoa like like if you want like some of the better props like the stuff that was on screen Um, like like a on-screen wardrobe and some movies can be crazy expensive. It'd be like getting Gandalf's hat, for example. Like someone will pay a lot of money for Gandalf's hat. For like, this is the one that sort of Ian McKellen wore in The Fellowship, but they also brought it back for blah blah blah for the reshooting and it's like, holy shit, here's

the certificate of authenticity. Here's a little cum stain that he left on there. He's a dirty guy. You didn't know that about him, but now you do. And like, I don't know what Gandalf's hat would cost, but I'd pay a pretty penny. What about the guns from like Nicholas Cage from like Face Off? Did you guys see that movie with Nicholas Cage and the super fan?

Oh yeah. I feel like I've seen Face Off because of the times Kyle has described it to me. Yeah. Oh, the unbearable weight of, you know, I saw, I saw Face Off at this little hipster theater nearby that plays old movies as though it's, as though it's opening night of the original movie.

Like they'll play, they'll play trailers from, from when that movie was, was out. It's really fun. It was very hipstery. So they're, they're playing Face Off and Danny Masterson has a, has a bit part at the beginning where he's Nicholas Cage's, John Travolta's daughter's boyfriend.

He's trying to put the moves on her in the car. And they've almost had to pause the movie because the hipsters were having a two-minute hate festival when he came out. Every time Danny Masterson would masters me, they're like, oh, am I turning to each other? And they're like, oh, he's just terrible. He's the, oh, I can't, oh, oh.

Like they had to just harrump their disgust. Every time he's on screen, and then Nicolas Cage kicks his ass in the movie, or John Travolta, I forget which one. John Travolta does. And then they're like erupting Like it's the Super Bowl like yes Yes, yes, you kick the shit out of him that like they're holding their women's all close

Stupid man, LA sounds ridiculous. Yeah Ridiculous place Danny Masterson do exactly? I know he was tied up with Scientology and they protected him from allegations. Was he one of the violent ones, one of the creepy ones, or one of the ones who used their power? You know, it sucks because I know some lawyers who are close to his or have talked to his lawyers.

I don't know. He got tried for this once before. Uh, it was some kind of like, she says he raped her, but they were already dating and they had stopped dating or something like that. It was some kind of like gray area, you know, relationship shit. And although this is not how they're going to say it happened in public. Um, and he got off of it the first time, then they bring it back like 10 or 15 years later. And the judge said that Danny Masterson could not have all of his lawyers in the courtroom. So he had to go down to like, yeah.

So he had to go down. I mean, how many do you have? Do you have like a dozen or something? He had a lot. He's like Mr. Burns. He had a lot of lawyers. That's a little silly. But according to, you know, somebody close, the good lawyers were not in there, and it

was right at the height or right after the Me Too stuff happened, all of a sudden, this time he's guilty. His lawyers who don't have to still contest and swear by his innocence and visit him in prison. I think he got railroaded. Yeah, I don't know anything about that thing. But what I didn't like was when Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis wrote some sort of letter, I don't know what they call it, some letter of for consideration to the character. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And everybody shit on them.

And it's like, like hey like to you He's the bad guy who you think did the thing that's awful. That's on TV There was that that show you used to watch that friend. That's their colleague That's the guy that they worked with and and carved their like way in the world with During formative parts of their life, especially me the cunis because she was only 15 on that show for some reason Making out with Ashton Kutcher who was like 21 22 at the time. Luckily they married him. So it's okay Like I just didn't like them getting shit on for that because it's like what are they supposed to do? Just throw him away like like trash like that. He was already innocent once like what are they?

Well, I don't know if I innocence are guilty. I'm just saying Even if you try the first trial he was it was innocent and then they got him again They sued him there. They got him the second time and that's when he was that's when he went to prison for it Yeah, I think he got a lot of he's gonna be in there for 30 years to life on the colony counts of rape Yeah, well, but he'll be out just in time for that 2070 show, huh? just in time for that 2070 show, huh? That 2070 show. Well, I mean, he's 48, so he'll be a cool 75. Yeah.

By the time he's out of there, he's probably been in there a few years already. It sounds, I feel like he's been. We won't even have rape anymore because of all the sex bots. So I figured it would have been Wilder, Valderrama or whatever that would have gotten taken out of that crew and cast. He seemed like a creep. You thought you thought harmless little Fez was going to be the creep? You remember Fez was like running around with Lindsay Lohan and all those people like in the early 2000s. Getting weird. I only know of Willmar Valderrama that he was Fez in that 70s show and then he did some like, didn't he do some like MTV rap battle show or something?

Or like an insult battle show? That he was like overcompensating. All of them went on these overcompensating tours after that 70s show to be hard. Oh, to be like, yeah, we're not just silly Billy's doing a sitcom. Yeah. No, we're poker.

We're poker guys. Topher Grace had a pretty good career. Still does. I always liked seeing him and stuff. And then they had that reunion a while back. I didn't watch it, but everybody came back except that was alive and not in prison. I think I don't think the sister came back, the blonde Donna or that, no, the Donna's the redhead Eric's girlfriend, but I think everybody came back and fluting the dad in the 70s show was the, was the main character for me.

Like I watched that show in high school and I love Red. I like Red like being a bastard and I already love that actor because he's in RoboCop and he's the best villain. He's awful. He's the guy who's like blowing Murphy's hand off or whatever like crucifying him with a shotgun at the beginning. So I don't know. I always liked that guy in 70 show. Yeah. I liked that 70 show in middle school and like high school, but I, that's one of those shows. I don't think I've seen a second of it since then, like never revisited it. That's good. Vivek would approve of that. You can't be watching friends and you know, sitcoms. No, I can't be wasting time. I have to be looking around. You gotta be grinding. For promising Alzheimer's clinicals. Did Beck say something like that?

Did he say something about that? Yeah, he said too much friends. Too many friends reruns. That's what America's. Who watches friends reruns? His wife, apparently. Yeah. Secretly.

Friends is garbage. He's in the closet. Anybody who liked friends more than Seinfeld just doesn't have a sense of humor. I don't know what's wrong with those people. That was not a good show at all. That was a bad show. No, it was terrible.

Yeah, it was not funny. That weepy-voiced guy who had the pet monkey. Ross. And then they barely even put the monkey in it anymore. Bro, it was- That's your complaint? You're the blade? Is there one of monkeys and friends? Yeah.

It was a bait and switch. They hooked up with a monkey and then they got rid of the monkey. He led you to believe this was going to be a pretty big part of the show, that he's the monkey man. And then it's just like, he's like, we can't get a date. It's like, you fucking loser. So you lost your monkey. Yeah.

Yeah. It was like none of the fun of humor or none of the humor of Seinfeld. None of the fun of it. I'm like putting Seinfeld on the background again right now, because I had to sign up for Netflix again to watch squid game. And the only other thing on there that like rocks is Seinfeld. Like every like year and a half, I rewatch Seinfeld and it's like, I get it. And I get why people were all about this This is a good fucking show Now especially great man. You guys are haters. You just didn't I mean you didn't get it because you're all too young to be freewheeling New York, you know

Something you're all who yeah, you don't get it. It was a filthy whore. They're all filthy whores every single one of them They would have so many STDs. Oh, yeah That was cool back in my 90s. There was they didn't really exist. They were for sailors and homosexuals You can young and hip in New York and fuck around was cool That does sound pretty sick Caleb you're getting a migraine. I want to let you bounce it if you need to go bud. Yeah, you guys are going to read your ads I heard. Yes, yes we are going to do some ads. Sorry about your head. That sucks. Never

had a migraine. They're chronic. They're chronic. I got tumors in my head probably. Oh, don't say that. You don't have tumors in your head. Just got a little you know, horrible searing headache I'm sorry about that man. That really sucks. Hope you feel Having you on we'll link all your stuff below. Thank you so much You might have some shoes in the middle of the room. My girlfriend gets headaches and that's what causes them Shoes. Yeah, too many shoes in the middle of the room Doesn't need to be moved. Yeah too many shoes in the middle of the room. They need to be moved? Yeah. Just fucking get in the way.

These belong in the closet. You can be a headache. Fuck. Yeah. I'll see you guys. All right. Take care, Gale. Yep. See you. All right. I'll go ahead and read Bluechew while we're at a natural pausing point.

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or don't, a lot of you guys don't use that. And so feel free to pay the price. That's totally fine as well. But you, but PKA10 is there, do you guys want 10% off? But don't feel like you have to use it. Yeah, don't use it. I mean, we'll just get 10% more money. Appreciate that.

Yeah. So check it out. Enjoy. I've been wearing my hoodie a lot recently. Don't use it. Yeah, just paying full price for no reason. I like it. Do you have people doing that, Dick?

Generous, good people and not incompetent fools. No, they're just generous guys. That's what it is. Who are giving us a little extra on top, a little tip. Tipping. Yeah, I try to just take orders and then I don't ship anything out until they email me and tell me that and say like,

when the fuck is this arriving? It's late, it was for my friend's birthday. And I'm gonna charge it back. And then I go like, oh yeah, okay, I'll send it out. So. Yeah. So I got some updates. yeah, okay. I'll send it out. So Yeah, I got some squeaky wheel gets the grease I got some updates here on Matt and the price of his his ladies in the night good Looks like five hundred to a thousand dollars an hour and he typically gets two hours But then there's some of them better. He's like this

Oh and this one was six hundred an hour and this one he blew and had sit on his face for a only fans video Someone replied by the way, this is in our general party chat. This is not private. Let's just open this This is in the the chat and then uh, another guy another of our 50, uh discord link down below says that's diabolical Oh man, it goes on and on let's see you got two's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just

like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's generous with them? He literally just said it like he blew

this one. Yeah. The tranny that he blew and had sit on his face for an OnlyFans video was 600 an hour. Yeah, yeah, there's several of them. It seems like I'm getting varied prices, but it seems like he's dumping, you know, a grand or two a night on these on these okay he's out and he's not even so he's making content with them and he's not even getting a taste well i don't think he has but not of the money he alluded to me that he you either get a discount or you don't have to pay if he's like because sometimes they'll they'll be like hey i need to shoot a video and you can be my stunt dick so like i know you took that it's like hey i I'm working now, I wanna get paid.

But I think you gotta realize you're a man in a different industry. Of course you both are, so I don't know. Is that a workaround for prostitution or are they actually making content? Both. Oh, yes. They don't have to be a workaround for prostitution, right?

Both and yes. Yeah. I think that's what a lot of sex workers do now is you sort of make it ambiguous about what's actually being paid for There's that famous picture that only fans girl who she's like met my biggest fan He gave me ten thousand dollars and it's like they're in a hotel room You see the beds all messed up and this is big fat Oh standing next to this like ten out of ten like little princess and it's like oh

The Internet's like I think he paid 10 000 to fuck her and they're like yeah and then like six months later or whatever i guess he saved up another 10 grand same thing but he lost some weight this time you can tell this guy's made his life's goal to like get with her it was great i wonder what the update on that little story is well whatever's getting them healthier you know man you gotta stay away from those only fans gals. That's just, can you imagine me addicted to that? That would be... Yeah, it's not even gambling. Like there's not even the chance you're gonna make money.

Yeah. They needed an ozempic for that. They needed an ozempic for women, honestly. Like a gay pill that you could just take and be gay for a little bit. Pink pill it, yeah. Yeah, pink pill. Just like, so you lose all interest.

Yeah. Like get the hell out of here. I need to straighten my life up a little bit. I'm just going to go gay for a little bit. Uh, maybe they'll help me out, like clean my house and stuff. Just do basically the opposite of what the woman's doing. It help you get like fit. Yeah. You'd probably cook like high protein, like meals that fit your macros. Plenty of protein. Yeah. Yeah. You'd probably cook like high protein like meals that fit your macros. Plenty of protein. Yeah. Yeah. What would his name be? Oh, like Taylor or something. Brent. Yeah. Oh, Brent. That's a good gay name. Right. Right. Yeah. Brent. Old Brent sucking cock and making you dinner. Or I guess not sucking your cock. The whole point is you're not horny anymore.

Picture your boyfriend Brent. Yeah. Is he taller than you? No. You're taking too long. I'm on my knees. I'm picturing him so I can't tell. How about you? I picture Casper Van Dean.

But from Starship Troopers. like young Casper van deen. I don't know who that is. Zach, show him, show him young Casper van deen from starship troopers. Show him in uniform. Just just Google search Johnny Rico, because that's what I mean. Oh, yeah. Wow. That's your type. That's your type of gay lover. I think so. I think I think so. Yeah.

Oh, this is your guy. Like a square jawed guy. He's the fucking quarterback. I think so. Yeah. Oh, this is your guy. Like a square jawed guy. He's the fucking quarterback. Very orderly. Like very Chad. Yeah. What would you guys talk about? Like sports and stuff like sports is the guns and sports. You know, like whatever. Just two bros being gay.

Just two friends who happen to be gay. That's a guy right there. I wish. It's so there. I wish Is that who you'd want like you're like brushing your teeth in the morning and he'd come from behind and give you a hug around Your are you high-fiving a lot in this gay relationship? I think he slaps me on the ass a lot. I think that happened Okay. Yeah, I think a baseball romance. I think I'm gonna have to be Casper's bottom I don't see how like, you know, I'm not topping that guy. I mean like let's get real. What if you had to though? What if he didn't like to tell I mean I prefer that I mean, that I think I'm gonna have to be Casper's bottom. I don't see how like, you know, I'm not topping that guy. I mean, like, let's get real. What if you had to though? What if he didn't like to top? I mean, I prefer that. I mean, that's what I'm like, that's what I wish was the case. But I'm just, he's just such a Chad. I mean, he was literally the quarterback. He's literally

like the Chad of Chad's. He's the main, main action hero. So I feel like I got to be that guy. Maybe you'd have to play second fiddle. Maybe we could like mix it up, you know, sometimes, you know, but it turns out like seven. That's intense. Yeah, that's an intense gay relationship, honestly. Yeah. Wow. Yes.

But it's better than, you know, one. That's like, so it's somehow like gayer than I thought it would be. Cause that's a masculine man. And you would just be two square jawed bros. Two bros, having a good time. You'd lift together. Oh yeah, for sure.

Would there be a lot of grab ass, like figuratively and literally? Constantly. I don't like that, no. You don't like that. I think just all outward appearances, we'd hear very straight. It would just be when we got home.

You'd just be two guys who live together or way past when you were financially too successful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We just got a beach house and it's like, we're really ambiguous about who bought it. Casper bought it. Do you play volleyball on the beach out there? Tetherball, tetherball, lots of tetherball.

Yeah, yeah, I find volleyball. Tetherball. Yeah, yeah, I find volleyball's too- Tetherball. Yeah, yeah, Casper wanted a more aggressive sport. He wanted to, he likes to dominate the competition. Now, because he's the alpha- So volleyball's too passive. Because he's the alpha, is he wearing like normal board shorts and urine like a European speedo style thing?

It's not exactly European, but it's split up the side. You know, it's very hippie, you know? It looks like a boy tie fighters shorts Something like that. Yeah, okay This seems like a fun little life you've imagined for yourself. Yeah, I'll show off my creamy thighs. I think I would be with more of like a Louise Guzman That's a handsome fella, okay and a lot of variety a lot of sarcasm

About how we hate each other, you know stuff like that This is that that whole Mexican guy with the lisp Yeah, yeah, is he Mexican? I just looked at his face. Is he not Oh Puerto Rican? Oh, he's Puerto Rican Yeah, I can buy see we would joke about that too. I would call him Mexican. He'd be like Puerto Rico yeah, I can buy see we would joke about that too. I would call him Mexican even like hey, you know Like a pinata to you say stuff like that we make a lot of jokes like that Man, you guys would be having a ball I'll be so much better. Why don't they lock and load guys make a pill that makes you gay at first I thought you said it's in the works. I thought you met the CEO shooter at first. Oh

Luigi Mangione. No, I mean I would I would fuck him, but I wouldn't marry him right? I mean, yeah How about like a how about like an anderson cooper style gay guy? No, I don't want somebody smarter than me That's gonna be fucking Can you imagine him can you imagine no he would take on. He would take me on lavish vacations. You'd be raw or you'd be watching TV. You'd be reading or watching TV and you'd have a take on something. And his Yale educated ass would be actually Taylor. Never mind. And he goes back to that Chinese accent.

Doesn't sound Chinese at all. Oh, interesting. You don't do this to me. Not while we're here in Rome. Dude, I would be sitting on a beautiful. We'd be sitting in Venice and he'd be feeding me meatballs from my pasta. And we'd be laughing when it fell fell and stained my pants because it was no big deal, even though they were designer pants, because he's so inordinately wealthy as a as a as a Vanderbilt.

That sounds cool. Yeah. It'd be cool. He says, let me get those off you. I'll clean them. Yes. And you slide them in your knees. And then you just have to like grit your teeth and bare it because you know next week. This is your like, this is your glass slipper on the foot moment when Anderson This is your glass slipper on the foot moment when Anderson Cooper pulls down your marinara stained back teeth. Yeah.

Like, that's the moment that you tell your grandchildren about, your very ethnically motley crude grandchildren. It's beautiful. Dude, I get to make like little passive comments where I'm like, you know, you've never taken me to Kyoto. And then he would have to take me there. That would be starting fights. You have like a passive aggressive gay relationship.

I'm caddy. Yeah. I would be really caddy with him. No wonder Anderson Cooper is your guy. You know, I have your Twitter log in Anderson and I'm going to say, I'm going to slur it up. You know, I see what Don Lemon sent you. Yeah.

I know what that eggplant means. Yeah, that'd be good. Dude, me and my boy Anderson Cooper travel in the world. That's a black power fist. No, it's not Anderson, I know. No, it's not. It's made of rubber. You're jacking off that eggplant.

Yeah, one thing we all did a pretty good job picking a good, damn, I just looked up list of gay male celebrities. The Big Bang Theory guy. The Big Bang Theory guy, the big guy completed. Well, all the links are purple. You know, Jim Parsons, the the guy from not yeah, Big Bang Theory. That guy's gay.

Which one is that? He's the one who's like a big nerd. They're all the main the main one, the main one, the main one. Sheldon's Sheldon. Yes. Oh, yeah. Sheldon makes sense. That's one of those that way. Young Sheldon is about what turned him gay. Yeah. Where he like scientifically proves that being gay is better.

It's the coach. I've been running some theorems on homosexuality. The shower. Yeah, I think those Greek mathematicians were onto something. Yeah, I've never seen. Big shout out to Jim Parsons. I've never seen either of those shows. I don't know what's going on over there.

It's one of those shows like my grandma liked inexplicably. She liked the Big Bang theory. She liked it was like one year ago where I've said this on the show before where she was like, I was like, what are you watching? Because we like, I just signed up, like got her smart TV working and everything for and she's like, now I love this show. That's called the what the hell is it called? Downtown Abbey. It's like, I think it's Downton Abbey. And she's like, I don't is it? Dual double take.

But that's she loves. She loves Downtown Abbey, likes Big Bang Theory. I don't know what else she's watching. You know, grandma stuff, probably Hallmark Channel. Oh, don't say that. She, I don't know. I guess catch Casper Van Dien over there. I think that's the kind of stuff he has to do these days.

It's mostly Fox News, but they're never paying attention to anything that's happening on the screen. My girlfriend watches Lifetime movies. This is like the worst thing about her, honestly. She loves it. She likes putting them on in the background. Even I don't know if you've ever sat through one or watched it. I know the gist.

They're all the same. Even, I don't know if you've ever sat through one or watched it. I know the gist, they're all the same. They're all identical and they're so identical that they don't even pick specifics, like from movie to movie, like the guy's always working at the firm and he's working on the big presentation. And I don't know, and every time I walk into one, I'll walk into another one three hours later

and it's the exact same movie. I don't know if it's because the women writing it don't know what a job is Or because the women watching it don't know what a job is so they don't ever Fill in any of the blanks of what the husband's doing what What a presentation is like they're always just working to make partner on a presentation is. Like they're always just working to make partner on a presentation. It's remarkable. They have like a third grader's understanding of like what your dad does. Yeah. Where it's like he works. He's a businessman. He's a businessman at the factory at the business downtown. At the business factory where they build business all day and then they have to give a big

presentation and they'll like have little asides where he's like, these profit margins are stressing me out. So while the breadwinner like winning awesome dude is a way trying to make partner at his firm the piece of shit, she goes back to her hometown where like easy riding skid madu lives and he's just, hey, how you doing? Well, I've just been here wasting my last 18 years. Easy riding skid madu lives and he's just, hey, how you doing? Well, I've just been here wasting my last 18 years. Oh, your husband don't spend time with you. He's been working 18 years.

That's silly. See, I make these sculptures made out of what? Or when the lightning hits the sand. This is a real movie, by the way. This is exactly what I'm, this is the premise of a movie. It's called Sweet Home Alabama. I think I've seen that. Yeah.

Based on these movies, women's conception of what's right and wrong is just totally orthogonal to men's, you watch Lord of the Rings, you're like, yeah, bad guys, look at them. Oh, those are good guys. Yeah, they got light and stuff on their side. The bad guys are crawling around in mud and shit, and they're stealing stuff and killing people. Women, it got like light and stuff on their side. The bad guys are crawling around in mud and shit and they're stealing stuff and

killing people. Women, it's like you watch the Lifetime movies, like the babysitter's evil and then the husband's cheating on her, but then she's cheating on him. And I'm like, wow, I have no idea who the bad guy is in this story. And then it's over. I'm like, oh, okay. Like somebody will die on a house fire. I'm like, oh, all right. I guess that's the end of that movie. Uh, so you're just moral here. You're just watching these with her. No, uh, I'm out, out of the room or I'm working on computer stuff while she's putting them on.

But that's, she loves them. God bless her. I can't do it. I can't, I can't even sit when something I don't want to watch is playing in the background. It irks me too much. My girlfriend likes to rewatch shows over and over, but what I like to do is, like if it's a good show, I want to watch it once every three years so it kind of still has that magic left to it.

I do that with like Banda Brothers. Like if I watch Banda Brothers over and over, I get sick of it. Like that, it'd be like listening to the same, like tracking a CD over and over until you don't want to hear it anymore. So three or four years i'll watch band of brothers and it's like oh yeah i forgot how good this was she'll just grind a show into the fucking ground it's over and over and over i'm like what the fuck are you doing to the expanse you're ruining

the expanse or what was it or like uh for all mankind or something like that over fucking over and it ruins them so i can't even sit in the all mankind or something like that over fucking over and it ruins them So I can't even sit in the same room with something like that's happening It's like I can't I can't do it like she'll finish the last episode and then just go back to season one No, no, no, like it's exactly what I said like like she'll rewatch stuff over and over like the whole series And it's like I said, I like to wait a couple years till they get good again I don't want to drag because I did it. I've done that to shows and and like it's always sunny.

I watched so much of it that I started to hate it and ruined sunny for myself the same way. Like I can turn on any early season of sunny and like, you know, when you scroll through a show like even with Seinfeld, I haven't done it to myself to this extent where I'll pop on an episode and it's like, oh, I haven't seen this one in forever. Let's put this on. You know, this is the one where, you know, Kramer pretends to be a dermatologist. Like haven't seen that in a bit. Dr. Van Nostrand? Dr. Van Nostrand.

Look, this is the same as it was 20 years ago in this picture. It's a great episode, very funny. Sonny, I ruined Sonny for myself because every episode, it's like, I know every line from like seasons one through eight or whatever, like they're really heyday was. Sucks.

His mother was a mother. His mother was a mother? His father was a mother. His father was a mother. Yeah, I like to watch it a few times, but if you grind into the ground, it just loses, it stops being what it is. It's almost like if you say a word too many times and it stops being a word in your head.

Yeah. I need a good show. I just like watching whatever net whatever the newest black entertainment is on Netflix that's on the front page all month. I just watch that pretty much all day, every day. Like, there's no I mean, there's no limit to how much joy I can get out of. What like that six? What is that new?

The movie with the women? Oh, the heroic, the heroic mailman, right? Yeah, I've watched probably I've watched that about 40 times now, I think. Are you inspired? Over and over. I'm inspired as fuck by that, man. Does it make you want to sort of want to suck Tyler Perry's dick? Yeah, I Love it. And then that madness. I just switched over to that Because it's a new year. So I said well new black entertainment for me, please Netflix

And it's about I don't know if you saw it starts out starts out bad Great, like acting is great. The lead guy who's black is great Acting is great, the lead guy who's black is great, totally intriguing, and that is terrible. And then the plot starts where it's about the most racist society on earth, and the Proud Boys are like a terrorist organization, and all the cops, even the black cop, are like racist from a time that never existed towards the main character who's a famous black celebrity. That's when it really gets cooking and that happens in the middle of like episode one. So I really can't wait for the next eight episodes. Damn, it's called madness. It's called the madness. Yeah, some people really enjoy being a victim and it is like, oh,

just making up ways to be and it's what you just said, like racist in a way. It's like, oh, it's just making up ways to be. And it's what you just said, like racist in a way. It's like they invent a racist time period that never even existed. Yeah. Right. I'm not denying racism. It's it's it's I'm just denying that with this I'm watching and like like the random people on the street are just like, what are you doing here, boy? Yeah. Up yours. And I'm like, well, that was not that hasn't happened ever. And we used to know that. If you go back to, what's the Mel Brooks movie? Blazing Saddles!

If you go back to Blazing Saddles, you got the granny coming by and going, up yours, ninja! And you play for laughs because it's so over the top. Never would a granny come and just be that out, out right flat I mean I don't think I mean it would be it would be ridiculous if even if she did it it would be so hilarious and stupid and that's the point yeah like I'm watching this movie and I'm like well you remember when just Jesse Smollett like made up a hate crime and the whole country got behind him and this show is about a black guy who's like getting hunted by white terrorists and like nobody believes him. Like this doesn't track really. They're like in the middle of the road like

they're doing it like on cctv like in the hospital like there's just so much surveillance that could catch these guys doing this. They have a job the next day despite like hounding a black guy in public yelling at him. God have you guys seen American fiction? I haven't even heard of that. So you know that the guy Jeffrey Wright, a black actor, he was he played the Felix Lightner the CIA guy in the James Bond movies, the new ones with great great actor right so he plays a he plays like a very educated, academic, like, cultured black author who's like hates the, like the modern exploitation of like, of black creators and like makes them all like dumb down shit for white people. Like how they're like, like, because all the

in the in the movie in the movie American fiction, there's his rival is like this black woman who's writing books. It's like, and then she's talking like this totally like ghetto black affect. And he's he's like filled with rage, you know, and disgust at it. So he has to he writes a book as a joke as like the dumbest version of a black guy he can do making fun of them. And it becomes a huge success, so he has to start playing this stereotype. And he's like, the way the guy talks is not ghetto at all, but every time he's on a conference call, he's like, yeah.

It's like him doing blackface. It's so funny. The opening line of him talking about this book is like, oh, is the author on? And he comes in and he goes and goes this is he and his agent music like what the fuck are you talking about that's not how he's like yeah yeah he's like playing this like this ex-con like totally making up all this bullshit and trying to stay ahead of his lies it's so funny yeah dude it's great it's great I won a bunch of Oscars.

But I honestly think like the reason that the movie, the things that the movie is making fun of or why it didn't get a lot of play is really funny. I bookmarked that. I'm going to check that out. Yeah, that looks really fun. Yeah. Any other black entertainment you can turn this on to? That's the one.

That's the main one. Take that one to the bank. You recommend American fiction. I hated it. I hated it Take that one to the van. You recommend American fiction. I hated it. I hated it because it was... No, don't watch American fiction. You gotta watch the male lady movie a couple more times, I think. I haven't seen the male lady movie. It's just in the context of World War II, I can't think of a lower stakes like thing. You know, it's like all the World War II movies we had are like,

we have to storm this bunker or we're going to get shredded by the fucking Nazis. Hey, if we don't get in these tunnels, the Japanese are going to crawl out of them and like stick, you know, you know, torture us to death. I feel bad ripping on it, but it's on, it's been on the fucking Netflix screen for like all months. So, all right playing the premise. It's World War two and these black women did what to be heroes. They fixed the mail Yeah, they like the mail wasn't getting delivered the US troop mail So people writing letters from home troops writing letters back. It wasn't working people were messing it up

We they don't need a movie. That's a great thing they did. Yeah! But there was some guy who fixed all the holes in the tires over there at the bus stop that drove the troops to the training center. We don't make a movie about him. Old tire fixing Joe, he doesn't get a movie. Give me tires he fixed over the years. You know what I mean, hundreds of thousands of troops

needed to go on those buses. It's because of Joe. He doesn't get a movie, because that's fucking stupid. Joe should get a movie. Just start doing it to all this? Just buggin' tires. No one's gonna rip on him for organizing the mail, but it's like a whole movie? In like World War II happening?

Where it's like, guys, the deadline is tomorrow. And like in the background there's a guy with like one limb left on a gurney. The reason I don't like it is because there's some legitimately good black stories. The one reddit always brings up is that one guy who like was a slave and then ended up commandeering like a naval vessel and fighting in the civil war and returning it to the north and then maybe became like a state senator or something or like all this crazy shit and this guy was a slave and went and did all that. Like, there's a guy I watch a movie about throw fucking Denzel and some chains

and then let him be a boat captain and then let him be a senator. I watch the shit out of that. You know what I mean? Like, but I don't care about those black ladies who fix the mail. I'm glad the mail. I'm glad the mail got going because I bet you'd want your fucking letter from home, but I don't think you get a movie. I just don't think you get a movie.

The problem is that somebody's watching the movie. Somebody's watching that movie and going, yeah, girls gather there. I want y'all to see the heroes. Heroes of World War Two. That's your grand aunt or some shit, you know, like, I don't care. I don't care. Let's do a Thomas Jefferson movie That tells the truth though, you know how old that slave daughter of his was that he impregnated what she was 15?

He was 51. Oh You know what the worst part is All right. Now, I know you're thinking that sounds bad. But hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out The 15 year old's half sister was his wife. How old was she? Well, she was a normal age until she died. And he went to lean in on the 15 year old more and more. She was pregnant by 16.

And she had several children, which he promised her that he would free as long as she agreed to accompany him back and forth to France. See, the thing about accompanying Benjamin, Thomas Jefferson, is who I'm talking about. I hope I said that from the beginning. The thing about accompanying Jefferson back and forth from France to the U.S. is he has to legally free her every time and then re-enslave her when they come back. And he has to agree to be enslaved. All right, flip your necklace around.

Yeah, yeah. And so she did because he promised her he would free her children who I believe, I'm pretty sure were seven eighths white because she was only like a quarter black and a slave. And then he had these children wearing, I think they're an eighth black. So they're seven eighths white.

Huh. He does not free them. He enslaves them and sells them. Oh, well, you know, they shouldn't make a movie about this either. That'd be a good movie. Neither of our country, Taylor. Yeah, that would be a good movie. What if you made an erotic thriller? Kyle, I don't know if you know this, you're making it sound like a bad guy. You make like the 15 year olds, it's Zendaya. You make Zendaya, the 15 year old Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, and make the rock Thomas Jefferson.

I don't know about that. How about, dude, if he's gonna be pulling shit like that, you need someone who's extremely likable. How about Chris Pratt? I need an old dude. He needs to be older than 51 because Thomas Jefferson might have been 51 But he looks 65. You know what I mean? It was a rough time. So give me a 65 year old guy. Give me who?

Hmm, maybe Tom Arnold that'll work Maintain I loved him in the stupids. He's such a grand statesman too. He's got a legacy to maintain. I loved him in The Stupid. He's such a grand statesman too. He's got that affect. I liked Tom Arnold. I liked that he always shit on Roseanne. That was fun when they broke up back in the day. Are there any movies about Ben Franklin and all his like whoring escapades in France? Yeah, there's a really good, it's HBO or Showtime or something and with John Liguizum, not John Liguizum, I can't think of the actor's name, but there's a mini series is what I mean to say and it's him going to France to negotiate for the United States. I don't think they focus on the whoring that much. Oh, yeah, probably not.

Yeah, like to ignore that. That's all people care about. Yeah, that's all I or like maybe like see him like stoked about like trifocals or something. One of those things, which is like. or maybe see him stoked about trifocals or something, one of those things. Which is like, Whoa! Was he really the guy who figured that out?

Looking at different types of glass? That just seems so, glasses had been around for so long. And nobody had ever figured out bifocals? Are you trying to take bifocals away from one of our founding fathers the same way you took the magic away from Coco the gorilla and Helen Keller? Helen Keller. The retard. Helen Keller was the retard. And I'm glad everyone's come around. Everyone's drifted towards me on that one. Have we got the shirt yet? Because I really want the Helen Keller denier t-shirt to get out there.

And I wanted to like, I want to do some kind of a play on, you know, there's monkeys, they're like, one's holding their ears, one's holding their eyes, one's holding their mouth. Like, like. Have her like that? Yeah, have her like that and just fraud. Let's get that shirt.

Do you have like the Grim Reaper going door to door and it's like Coco the Gorilla and Helen Keller and then whoever you have next. Who's next? I'm not standing by Coco the Gorilla. I say Coco knew 20 or 30 words and could have a conversation at least. I see those dogs.

You know, I don't even wanna convince you out of that because it's a great place to be. I was there too. And then I watched some monkey trainers being like, are you serious? You think she was chatting? She was like stealing apples from monkey trainers. You watch monkey trainers? How about a primatologist? Maybe we'll talk to one of them. Well, most of them are primatologists. A monkey trainer. You probably, you probably watched some monkey

abuser. One of those people that hooks them in the foot with those, with those hooks and tortures. I don't want to watch that. I don't want to watch him torture monkeys. Absolutely not reprehensible. Yeah, people torture monkeys. It's fucked up. That guy got in big trouble because he had this site. It was like devoted to just torturing monkeys that people would watch. Yeah, it was like there was like a I think you told me about this. There was like a YouTube channel that was like in a deep dark section of the site where people were like abusing monkeys and it's been since long taken down,

but they were just like beating up monkeys and not like a chimp that could be like, you're gonna punch me bitch, guess what? Guess who's finger? No, they like tied them down in evil style and torture them. It's really awful. It's really horrific stuff.

People like that are just, that's that- Scum. That's that kind of person like pedophiles who just need to be eradicated. You just can't have them living with us. If you can't either send them to Mars or just get rid of them because they can't stay here with us. They don't get to coexist people who are like torturing like Michael Vick like Michael Vick. Maybe you know his penance should have been they test drugs on him for a while. All right. I want to find I want to know why he's so fast.

Let's start doing some exploratory surgeries. You're taking the place of the next 10 dogs. We were going to be pouring fucking molten hot mascara into their eyes. Yeah, I would have crippled. I feel like a good penance for Michael Vick would have been to like kneecap him. So we'd never be able to run again.

The obvious penance is like, put him in the cage. Switch his head with a dog so he has a dog body you see that Russian experiment where they had the rush the head detached and they just have it to the oxygenator thing and it's that real like that's real that's real horrible yeah yeah what are they hoping to learn well like what was the goal? Maybe to what if you could reattach the head to like another? I think they had a two headed dog they created to that lived for a while.

They created to I think they sewed a dog's head to another dog and connected the circulatory. So basically, yeah, they did lots of stuff like that. I think it lived for a few days. Don't imagine a happy dog running around like a Cerberus with three heads barking. Just imagine a sick thing dying on an operating. That's what I was picturing. Yeah. It's like a dead twins head. Yeah. Like those girls with the two heads.

Oh, they're all good, though. They're good. They're good. Hopefully, they're good for a long time. But that that that guy gets the best scary life. He just has to put up with being terrified every time he wakes up in the middle of the night and forgets where he is. Yeah. Whoa. Sorry girls.

Sorry. I forgot. Jesus. Every time. Sorry. Halloween must be fun for them, right? Yeah. They get to like feel normal.

I would make like there was a third head, but it's a stump now. That would be the yeah. Do you think that's going to be scary? Like truly existentially horrifying when like one of the heads dies before that's going to happen? That's going to happen. That's going to be the scariest thing in the world. That's a true story. The original Siamese twin, the guy that the men who were from China or Siam or wherever who were who earned the moniker Siamese twins and then it became part of like a saying or whatever. One of them died and the other was like, ah, ah, you're attached to a dead body. You know what I mean? So you're going to die soon as well. I'm sure. Yeah, that'd be horrific because one of them is going to die body, you know what I mean? So you're gonna die soon as well, I'm sure. Yeah, that'd be horrific because one of them is gonna die first, you know what I mean?

Well, let's say they have a heart attack. Like, your head has to die? I don't remember how their organs work. I know they got a vagina because that's all we cared about. They had, I think they had one heart, but like two stomachs and one and like everything from like the navel down, I think was like boilerplate. You mentioned the gas that that girl must have with two stomachs. You're over there being dainty because you just got married and you're in newlyweds. You're eating like a grilled chicken salad and she's over there eating like boiled eggs one after the other. That would suck. You're like we're trying to lose weight and I can't do all of it. She's like mmm the sulfury yolk. I don't know what you're talking about. Devil's eggs agree with

my stomach. We're genetically identical. For dinner, honey. Yeah, that'd be horrific. I wouldn't want to live like that. There's a lot of different ways to go through existence as a human being, but being attached to another human being would be horrific. Having another head right there, I just wouldn't want to... Come on. Come on.

Yeah. The arguments you'd have to have over the most benign daily things where it's like I'm ready for lunch and they're like I'm not hungry yet and it's like well I can only move the left leg so I guess we're not eating. That's how it works. Well I've got Pop Tarts in my pocket so fuck you. Dude I've mentioned it before the Opie and Anthony show has like the hilarious 50 minute bit where they watch the two-headed girl video and it's like showing them playing baseball And I laugh about this randomly the time where jim norton was like, oh great two outs at once is up They strike them out you get two outs because they're both people

That would be very funny. Patrice called her like a two handbag having ho or something. Something like that. It was very funny. It's one of the meanest videos they ever did. Yeah, they're married now. Like happily married. I know. Jim Norton said he tried to find him on face Facebook. Yeah. Norton's so fucking quick. Dude, he's so quick. He was a classic ONA with like Prime Jimmy and Prime Ant. When Patrice still had his diabetes under control, the funniest radio show slash podcast ever exists. Not even close. Yeah, I always appreciated that Jim Norton is just so quick to like jump in there with a crafted little pun or witty retort for something. Seemingly like it's written, it's so quick, but it couldn't have been because

it was on the fly. So either he's like Joan Rivers and he has like 10,000 cards with like retorts and replies for every imaginal scenario or he's just quick. Yeah, he's just a clever funny dude. Very, very strange man. Very strange man. I was about to go to that. Like he's very much like Matt with his choice in the ladies, I think. They were showing Jim Norton's wife in the chat last night. What is... I haven't seen him. Yeah, I think his wife is trans. And he was like, if you listen to very old Opie and Anthony, like episodes from like 2004. And he's like, bold as like, Yep, one saw one of those the other night. And like, because it's 2004, everyone else in the show is like, God, what are you what's going on? I don't think they like don't even have a concept

of the world he inhabits because he was addicted to prostitutes for a long time and would get tons of them. Well, just to be clear, trans prostitutes and not just like he would be like, yeah, I paid this girl to spit in my mouth and tell me I was a rotten little boy. Tell me I was warm. She spit in my mouth and kicked me in the balls. And you come, oh, so hard. And it's like, Jesus, Jimmy. He's like, pull yourself together. You've got to get prostitutes every night for like months on end. And he'd be on the show being like, I don't know why I'm just depressed.

And Anthony would be like, really? You don't know why? Like, yeah, he had funny stories. I guess him and Patrice O'Neill back in like the 90s used to take trips together to go to Brazil and they would have like group prostitute trips. So he would tell stories about like him and Patrice, both like on Viagra, hard standing in the waiting room and like matching robes, waiting to be called back. And that's just the, I'm due for more,

another re-listen of some ONA. It's been a year, so I always come back to that. So did you not listen to that show ever, Dick? It seems up your alley. No, I listened to, I listened to Tom Lycus actually. The Tom Lycus and it was Howard Stern and then Tom Lycus and like Tim Conway down in LA for When I first got my driver's license, that's kind of our that's kind of

When the radio the talk radio listening starts Like I've heard of Tom Lycus. I don't know that is whenever I got serious in like Like I've heard of Tom like it's under that is whenever I got serious in like 2010 or whatever I just started listening to Stern every day everywhere I went it was all I listened to Yeah, I went through the whole goddamn catalog. I said I was like I've heard this one. I've heard this one I've heard this one and then after a while I own now I'm just watching his new shows because I think he does new shows or at least he used to on Maybe Tuesday Fridays or some shit, but I got sick of Stern He just got too full of himself and started kind of forgot who he was and what it was about.

And it's fine to evolve and do new things, but kind of left me behind, or at least my fandom. Yeah, I never listened to Stern. Dude, go back and watch it. It is impossible. He would do like a who's that razor for your what do they call that razor for your balls? Manscaping he did like a manscaped ad where he had a porn star shave a retard's balls And it's on youtube unedited You know what I mean? Like like he would have the one guy who wanted to be vomited on by women

So he has that guy laying on the floor and he's brought in women who are trying to win a prize, but they're not like Dominatrices or fetish people they're just random women being forced to vomit on a man. So they're not very good at it. All that shit was great. Like they played a game with strippers called dumber than a box of rocks. And every time they got a very easy question wrong, they had to say, I'm dumber than a box of rocks.

You know, like little shit like that. I love, oh, the porn Olympics where they'd have the girls with strap ons playing ping pong, all sorts of nonsense like that. That was fun. They could do whatever they wanted on radio back then. Yeah, I'm good for a re-listen to Eric D'amigit's entire work every once in a while. Is he that guy who's like a, you know that little fucked up son in like Fury Road? Yes, yes. He's like in the chair hanging from the ceiling. He looks exactly like him. you know that little fucked up son in like Fury Road?

He's like in the chair hanging from the ceiling. He looks exactly like him. Exactly. But he's a huge asshole. Really, he's not even nice? Oh no, he's a total asshole. There was a caller who called in and exposed him. He went to high school with Eric and he's like, hey, I went to high school with Eric.

And I just wanted to say, he forced the school to put in this giant fucking ramp and it cost like $80,000 and there was no money for anything extracurricular and then he ruined school for us for three years with his retard ramp. He's a piece of shit little scumbag. He's a queer bae. And like, and like, like Eric got so mad that there was one of the, some mafioso or ex mafioso Was part of the stern crew or like he they go to him occasion So Eric yeah number and he calls the mob guy and leaves a voice message. That's like this. Hey that guy

Find it find it Yeah, no what to do and so of course the guy takes the voice message and takes it right to Howard Stern on the air and they ridicule Eric into the fucking ground and it's just like he was trying to put a hit on somebody. This little midget fuck was trying to put a hit on out of somebody. His celebrity crush was that chick who won American Idol. That chubby brunette chick who won like early on. Yeah. And so, dude, they let him meet her,

but hit, and he's just like so shy and just like, he's just like, oh, oh, looking at his like, he's so pleased that he's finally got to meet his biggest like crush ever. But then they had to make a real doll out of him was the payment. Out of him? Yeah, so they could fuck him. Yeah, that was the pen-ass. They could fuck him. Well, it was a bit for the show, you know, and real doll was on board as a sponsor,

so they're happy to create an Eric, you know what I mean? Yeah, it was a great show. They got him a part show, great show. They got him a part on some TV show too when he was Eric the actor. He don't wanna be called Eric the midget anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was in like CSI and like Law and Orders and stuff. They'd get these little bit roles

and it was because of his attachment to the show because then they knew Stern next morning was gonna be like, you see Eric on CSI Miami last month? And then people would actually go and watch CSI Miami. Somehow Eric would boost their ratings via Trump. Looks like he passed away about 10, 11 years ago. I remember very well. It was a big deal.

It was a big deal when he died. Like there was a whole like in memoriam, like multiple like, but they played all of his best of shows. And I think he died in surgery for some sort of There's all sorts of shit wrong with he's got his club feet He's got a club foot all folded up underneath him and they he was on the he came into the studio and I think Somebody in the back was like dude. Do you have a club foot?

He's like if you're not a club foot and it's like clearly a club foot It's all fucked up and turned up underneath him. Yeah, that guy was great I only know about the whackbackers from you telling me the ones and What a great job for Beetlejuice being alive at 56 usually Characters like that don't don't get that long. What do you call those pinheads? What's that? What's that thing? They got Is it microcephaly? That's it. I think Zika virus can cause it but that's that's not what happened to that little fucker he's just a tard there's all he means just like Eric no no he's he's not with it enough to be mean like he's one of you like a beetle juice

what's one plus two ha I know yeah what is it ha B to a conversation he can't answer questions he can't do one plus one like you can do one plus one is two what's one plus one oh what was his use to the show like if he couldn't even do conversations infinite use infinite use to do anything yeah oh he just do any physical thing yeah yeah um who's Yeah. Who's the retard they took to space? They faked taking the space. Oh, yeah. It was Gary the retard. Gary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The free time. Yeah.

You know, old radio rules. Just Gary, the retard is just a little white guy who's very retarded. And they built him a cardboard spaceship in the studio. I don't remember if they put a little space helmet on it, but they put him in the, in the cardboard box. And I think they started playing like rumbly, like sound of, yeah, like you're taking off Eric and like Baba booey shaking the box and shit. And Eric said, you're in space right now. You're circling the earth.

And how do you feel? And he goes, I'm scared And they're like, oh shit, he's scared we didn't we thought this is gonna be fun We gotta bring you back to lower orbit now Now he interviews Kamala Harris and does shit like that. It's a different show. Can you imagine that? Next up, Gary the retard's going to space. Thanks Kamala. Good luck.

Good luck. Good luck saving democracy. Nobody seems to be a fan of Stern anymore. It seems like he's fully passed over into the the threatening legacy ruination of like, he's just not funny anymore. He's like 75. Well, apparently he's just more PC than he was before, which I guess above all, he's a successful radio business man. He has to ebb and flow with the tides of whatever network owns him. Actually, no, he doesn't at all.

No, he doesn't have to do anything. He can say whatever he wants. He's got hundreds of millions of dollars Yeah, yeah, i'm looking to see I think maybe uh He's got a crazy deal. He gets these crazy deals with serious, but he may be at the end of that. He's so old Like he looks so old I don't I don't know what drives him to get up and do that show Because he has to get up at like 4 a.m. his whole life he's been getting up at 4 a.m. to do radio shows. It's like wouldn't you want to

put an end to that? Wouldn't you want to sleep into 8 p.m. or 8 every day? I know he only does two or three shows a week now but still I don't know why he would want to do anything. Yeah I mean he's like 71. He always seemed miserable you um, I liked him a lot before like the whole format changed and it became this very serious interview program with a few quips occasionally. Yeah. Is that all he does now? Like no more silly. I hadn't listened in so long. I haven't listened to it in probably five years, but that's what it was kind of, it was becoming way more about the interviews and they are good interviews.

Like, like I liked his his he did a Lady Gaga interview I don't really care about her until I heard her in a long-form interview And I she had a good personality and then she played live and playing live is so different than you know online or whatever And it's like oh shit. She's one of those actually talented musicians who could just turn on a And you know just take, if she started singing at the mall or in the street, everybody would turn and look, you know, and watch because it's so good. So I like those. And I like when he's doing interviewing somebody I really care about because he gets to the bottom of it. But I still want to see people get vomited on and their balls shaved.

That's what I'm, that's what got me here. Yeah. I always change it when the interviews come on. All right. that's enough. I'm gonna go do something else. I don't care. Do you guys re-listen ever to that things? Just like little memory lane nostalgia or no? I don't, I don't listen to that stuff anymore. No.

No, I do a lot of audio books. I've been listening to Warhammer audio books and just going extra nerdy with that shit. So if I'm listening to something, it's going to be that. I just watch speed runs on Twitch pretty much all day. Really? Yeah. I'll put on Darby in or Mitch flower power fired up in the morning.

You know, just me and the dog in the house and To programming stuff all day. That's pretty much it Programming all day listening to a speedrunner for what games? And pretty anything man. They got a randomizer for legend Legend of Zelda Super Nintendo one or Metroid Super Metroid or just Super Mario 3 speed runs. It's pretty much the only thing I can watch anymore. I like those.

I like those a lot. I watch them. It's shocking. You could have given me two hours to guess what you're watching. Everyone always acts like it's weird when they come over. I'm like, they're like, what are you doing? What are you watching? What are you watching Mario 3 speed runs? I'm like, dude, this guy's going for a world record. What are are you doing? What are you watching? What are you watching Mario three speed runs?

I'm like, dude, this guy's going for a world record. What are you talking? What are you watching? Gay porn probably. No, I like the speed runs. I, what I really like, sometimes there'll be like this hour long video that's like the history of the world record scores of X game.

Oh yeah. And at first he'll be like, do do slayer 9,000 had over 10 billion points He hit the he hit the death screen and the half and the quarter frame jump with his toe Oh, yeah got this and that but little did he know only nine months later Kummer three trillion was it was gonna come and just shatter his door and I want to see what the kummer can do and it And they thought that would be the end of the speed of the glitches on this level.

And you look at the bar, you're like, oh my God, it's only 20% through. But things were just getting started. Yeah, they'll basically max out a game and it'll take 10 minutes to complete. And then some guy will find some way to make it two minutes. Oh yeah. It's like, oh my God, how did you go from 10 to two?

And he's like, well, I just ran across the water while I was flashing and I hit every jump perfectly and I practiced over and over. He figured out that you could cut across the course right at the beginning of the game if you jumped backwards. In Mario Kart they'll do that. In Mario Kart they'll like jump off the track and like flick through the air and land on the track like way over there without it's I like those a lot and

Somehow it's like true crime for men. Yeah it reminds me of the the fistful of quarters movie King of Kong with that Chris Weaver guy or whatever and Yeah, I liked all that shit, too I Can't imagine going for a world record on those that I get frustrated really easy with those games that make you play over and over. I can't get into Dark Souls because of that. So I can't imagine I see some of those Mario worlds where it's just nothing but those fireballs spinning around and I can't do that. You can't do

that. I could never get into that. That would drive me crazy. My hands would be so sweaty trying to do it. If I got close. Yeah, it looks aggravating. It looks like the juice wasn't worth the squeeze. I watched one streamer, I don't know what he was doing, but he was going for a world record of some kind. And when he got it, he was sobbing with relief, sobbing, weeping openly. He's so happy that he finally did it. Do you we started playing this game?

It takes two. It's like a game that you play with probably your girlfriend. I don't know. Maybe you could play with your friends. I don't know. Yeah. It's a really fun game where you you do puzzles together and try not to get in a fight in real life. My girlfriend and I played that game too. Isn't it great? Oh, yeah. Feeling like I, like even like the, like the first boss is like that vacuum cleaner that you have to try and kill. And it's like, I'm sitting there and I'm like, we gotta get to the platform, sweetheart.

Because if we don't and we don't get to the platform and jump, he's gonna suck us in. And you know, I can't, the game is built so that I can't solo it. Yeah. So I need a little mustard. We almost made it past the menu. We loaded up the game and my girlfriend goes, oh my controllers are upside down. Can you pause it and change it? I'm like, what do you mean upside down? She goes, well, when I press up, it looks

down. I said, okay, we're having a fight already. I guess that's the correct way a controller is supposed to work. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, that's weird. I'm like, that's the correct way a controller is supposed to work. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, that's weird I'm like, that's the way that joysticks have worked forever. That's how they work in a real plane Just what are you a pilot use all the sudden you what do you think your top gun flying around? You can't fucking fly. Okay, here we go Imagine your thumbs on the back of the character's head and you're controlling where he looks. Yeah. We literally we were playing against that first vacuum.

Vacuum. And after like 15 minutes of that, I was like, let's just have dinner. We'll revisit this later. Knowing fully we were never going to revisit that and we never have. It's a really stressful game because that's what you're fighting against. Like, all right, I we've gone one level, nobody, we didn't get to fight. I came close a couple of times, but let's do that. As a guy, you're facing multiple foes the whole time.

Like where you have, oh, I'm the girl. I don't know why, but I'm the way we sit on the couches. Like she didn't want to play the cross screen things. I'm like, okay, fine. I'll be the girl. Whatever. I don't know why, but I'm the way we sit on the couches. Like she didn't want to play the cross screen things. I'm like, okay, fine. I'll be the girl, whatever. I don't care. I just meant as the boyfriend playing, I have to handle all of the, like the puzzle comes up and it's like, it's simple. And so immediately like you come across one and I'm like, all right, I'm going to go here. Actually, you know what?

You're going to be the person who just pushes the switch. And so I'm going to jump here, jump there, hold onto this rope, swing to the other side of this. Like you're like in an attic or something. You're like all shrunk down tiny. And then at the end it's like, all right, hit the switch. If you can go ahead and hit the switch, just need to pop that switch. Yep. No, a is jump. Just jump onto the switch. Okay. Now on to the ground pound, do the ground pound. You Just jump onto the switch. OK, now onto the ground pound. Do the ground pound. You're not doing the ground.

You know, she's not looking at your hands. And is like, look at your hands. Dude, my girlfriend's addicted to Skyrim and she's never. Oh, wow. Very much before. She loves it. And the whole first like she's so addicted. She's on her second character. So now I can like look up and like she knows the battle like she's fine and competent. Early on. I was

I'd be like, like just it was so frustrating to watch her like do that thing that people do like mostly like girls haven't gamed are like old people where they like slowly list downward as they're walking. And it's like you're in the middle of a dungeon, you're gonna get caught and someone's gonna surprise you doing that thing where they're like, like, physically moving the controller to try and amble their character out of the way. Like, thank God she's she's better now she's she's hitting all the archery shots or whatnot. But oh, I literally the first time she played through I'm like, your character, you know, you have

a lot of freedom here. But I'm going to tell you, you have to have this character in your first playthrough. You're going to be a wizard and you're going to be a summoner and you're going to summon people to fight for you and you're going to contribute as best you can to the fight. She was like, okay. And it got to the point where I was like, you know, you should get in the fight somewhat because she was just casting these powerful Daedra demons and then just looting as they slayed everything around and I was like, you need to get a little, a little better. So yeah, no summoning this time.

And she's still archery your way to victory. Yeah. That's such a great game. I love Skyrim. And then I go up, I play with my nephews at like Fortnite and I'm just like, totally embarrassed. Like I didn't even last two seconds with you guys. I don't know. I've never played. I don't know what happened. You've never played Fortnite. It's very hard. It's hard.

It's hard and they're both good. I would like they, I was watching him play immediate first place and like, uh, I don't know if that's normal for you guys. Like, yeah, we get first place every once in a while. Like, uh, I don't know if that's normal for you guys. Like, yeah, we get first place every once in a while. Like, man, I really hate you right now. I could never do- I tried to play Fortnite for like a good week, and I didn't get even close to that, so. Have you played Helldivers?

No. That's the game. Like, it's- Is it? It's full of like tongue-in-cheek humor, and like, you're from Super Earth earth and you're spreading democracy and the okay But it turns out the aliens blood is oil So we're gonna kill them all and we keep pretending like they're invading us like I invaded another planet

But really we just dropped them off to like start a fight with them So you're basically from an evil fascist democratic earth Spreading democracy and liberty, and your characters are always talking shit about it. And you get dropped down on these planets, you and three of your buddies, and you fight and do missions on these planets full of bugs and terminators and monsters and shit.

And it's so much fun. I'm telling you, if you watch a video of it, you'll be like, oh, this is it. It's really fun. I'll check it out. What are you playing now? Anything? Mario. It takes two. I don't play Mario 3.

I just watch other people play Mario. You just appreciate it. I wanted to get my nephews into super hot. They were some fiddling around VR over the over the break. I was like, oh, man, we got to get these kids on super hot. Fuck great. Great game. One of the best game ever made, right? And my sister goes, no, it's not appropriate.

I'm like, it's not appropriate. Uh, okay, whatever, you're the boss, right? And then their dad texts me the next day. He's like, oh yeah, me and the boys are playing Shadow of Mordor. I'm like, Shadow of Mordor, you're chopping fuckin', you're chopping fuckin' heads off in slow motion. Does your wife know about this?

And he goes, nah. And then he goes, next we're gonna play Gears of War. Gears of War? That's the most violent game that there is. What do you mean? So I don't know. Maybe I can play some old classics next time. You played a Batman game?

You played a Batman game? Yeah, that was a great game. That was a game. That was a great game. Yeah, I bought that thing for my girlfriend, I think for Christmas or birthday or something, and I've used it a good bit. I'm going to play Superhot. I've never played that. That's in VR, I guess.

Dude, it's so fun. It's VR. I've never played it. It's on other platforms. I haven't played them. I only played the VR one. And the time moves only when you move. So if you stand perfectly still, they're like going in slow motion, and then you have to grab at weapons like bottles and knives and guns. And they all work like, like a gun has six shots and you got to shoot them. And then you can, you can throw the weapon at them. You can grab the weapon, but you can dodge because it's slow time.

You can dodge bullets like in real life, like real life. I'll be on the ground, you'll be contorting in the kitchen and then you'll reach out really slowly. So time goes slowly and grab a gun and shoot it backhanded. It's so immersive. I play in the yard. Oh, that's cool. I go outside, so my backyard's pretty big and I've got overall like a like overalls

Our coveralls rather. It's actually an old Ghostbusters costume Costume I'll strap my VR shit on you never mentioned you were playing in fucking coveralls Dogs are scared I'm out there like I am the night. I'm getting criminals up in Gotham rolling around the ground and shit. I look like an complete asshole, but it's a lot of fun to not have, you know, be stuck because I got the original vibe and I didn't like how constrained you were if you wanted

to really move around and get involved with the game. But that that what's it called? the oculus i think whatever it is yeah that thing's great yeah for 500 bucks i think great deal i've never used one i need to try one of the vr things at some point i i worry that i i don't know if you can wear your glasses in there and i'm wondering if you can hop contacts in oh of course oh yeah, yeah, dude. They caught this Russian art I've been following the Russian Ukraine thing they caught this Russian The the cranes did and he had negative 16 in one eye and negative 17 in the other

Whoo there that's this fit. That's an inch and a half thick or something like that. You could see that they were like The glass was touching this his cheek Like like like it was so thick. That's brutal. He was a soldier on the front lines that they caught. So he's like, we gotta fucking take over Ukraine. These fucking Ukrainians. Jesus.

Damn it, Dmitri. Julian, they're sending me to the front lines of fucking Ukraine. I need to stay with my kiddies. You know what I do? Good eyes, Dick. You are on decks. No, I don't have any contacts. Oh, lucky. Yeah, same.

You used to brag about 2010 Vision, Kyle. You think you think you'd still have it? It may have gotten worse over time. The last time I got an eye exam was four years ago and it was still like, I could read the 2010 stuff, which is just like three lines down from the 2020 to stuff or something like that. People that have like good eyes going to the eye doctor

is like, you've been had, like why? Why were you going to the eye doctor? Why were you going to the eye doctor? Why would you go to the eye doctor? It's for- Unless you have like a pain or an infection. It's a physical exam that I had. It's one of the check marks on your physical that you have to get for,

it's like a sports physical that was required for Merrick Health from ITRT. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, you have to get like a physical done. And by the way, you can get a physical done by like a pharmacist. It doesn't require a doctor. But I had a hell of a time getting a physical done without just making a doctor's appointment and paying may have cost me 100 bucks.

I'm like one of my friends is like doing TRT again now. And we're watching the hockey winter classic on New Year's and he was like, dude, you got to get TRT. It's great. You'll put on so much muscle. You'll be fitter. You'll have like a, you'll burn more fat, all that more energy. And I'm like, Oh, is it like a rigorous process?

Like you have to go and get blood tested. And he's like, dude, go to this clinic called like man up or something. Say you want tea and then they give you tea. And I'm like, what's the waiting period like? And he's like, waiting. They were shooting me up eight minutes after I walked in. And so I go to, I go twice a week and they inject me. And that's it. Like they don't test for anything, I guess you can just say you want this and then they do it. That's can't be legal literally. Um, but what Merrick Health does is the right thing and they'll keep you

really it's right by the dispensary, dude. I didn't say it wasn't convenient. But you go to MerrickHealth.com and use Derek's clinic, then you can get like legit help. And it only takes it still only takes about a week or two to get your medicine. Because all they need is blood panels from you to make sure you're healthy and to see that you need it. And it's not needing TRT might not even be a blood panel thing. It's a feeling thing. Do you feel it? You have diminished sex drive.

Do you feel more tired? Do you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And if some of those things are true, then they can prescribe it for, you know, those life wellness reasons as much as anything that's chemical or can be measured on a chart and it's cheap and you'll be a Superman. You'll be the most manly man that ever existed. More than any Greek hero, more than any fucking like person from legend,

you'll have a better chemical start than any of those people did. Those guys, fucking Alexander the Great, probably had low T compared to you. He will have low T compared to you if you get a little Merrick Health TRT in your system. And you'll be strong, strong and fit and fast. I'd be strong, strong enough to build a Macedonian empire. Taylor, you would be such a behemoth if you went on that shit because you're so big and strong already. Like your muscles would

get denser and harder. Like what's there would become more powerful per gram of muscle. Like let's say you've got 500 grams of muscle now that can create 50 newtons of energy. The same 500 grams will create 75 newtons of energy now because it's denser muscle fibers, more powerful muscle fibers. You'll do things that your genes won't allow for. Right now you've got like, your genes right now are what are making you so big and strong you have better genetics Building muscle than I do if we do the same thing. You'll just get bigger and stronger and you'll you just will But this overrides all that because there are people who get bigger and stronger than you when they work out They're called professional athletes You're on the same playing field as any of them. You'll have a higher T than anyone who won the Olympics last year

Are you thinking about you? You sell it really? No Strawberry newtons I did I briefly thought about fig newtons, but I but not for a long time You will be an uber man from that would be sick. I should get I should get truly shredded You know do that at some point this year. I don't like the needle thing. The thought of injecting myself, I really am put off by giving myself a shot. You should do it even more then. You got to get over your fear in 2025. That's what I did. I'm not afraid. If I'm getting my blood

down or something. You're terrified. I mean, you're shaking even when you're talking. Look at your hands. Trembling. Yeah, trembling. Spazzing. Yeah. Very feminine bearing. Very feminine. Like in like a clinical setting it doesn't bother me. Well now it's in your living room though. Now it's going to be on your desk right here. Like when I shoot up though, I feel like I'm like shoot up though, I feel like I'm like one of those like super villains, like when Bane would hit the button and pump the shit and like go to Super Bane like, oh, Batman wants some, Bane would hit that fucking button and he'd like come three times as fucking big. It's like, let's fucking go. Like I think about how this would be cheating in any sports

competition. I think about how like, you know, this is way better than what Barry Bonds had. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you're into getting big and strong and like, it's the way to go. At some point, like I know I'm going to do it. Oh, I know you're going to do it. I just don't know. At some point I will do it because you are like the fucking TRT salesman. You start talking and I'm like, yeah, I could be Alexander the Great's top guy. Like that level of motivation. But I'm gonna wait.

It's gonna be really cool when you finally do it because you have this very good baseline to start with. Like when I started, I was way out of shape and I went from like zero to wherever I went. But you're already like tons of muscle and tons of like muscle memory and stuff going into it. You're gonna you're gonna turn you could look like you could look like a freak of a human if you wanted to like you could be way bigger than Sam Sam. I like you could be bigger and stronger than Sam. I had a year. What are you Taylor? That's like the six feet tall. So I couldn't I don't think I'm going to grow. You'll get you will know you'll grow a little you'll grow a

little your bones are gonna get denser. That's the other part I love. And the but the lady who would take my scans use the on the form it says negroid. It goes from cock cockazoid to negroid on the bone density scale. And every every month, I go a little closer to Negroid. And I was like, fuck yeah. And all that is, is like, it's the T and it's also the stress that I'm putting

from all the like heavy weight. It makes your bones become more dense to deal with the weightlessness. Like a bison. Like a bison. No, I can't wait. Dude, that's sick. They're using like turn of the last century terms at your clinic.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You're airing into the Mongoloid territory. She said my humors were all good, so I didn't complain. Check my phlegm. We're going to have to bleed you, Mr. Miles. You do. Now that's one of the things, one of the side effects when people ask like it will cause hair loss so you want to take finasteride to counter that and So you just take a milligram, you know milligram of finasteride every day and what it will it will exasperate genetically predisposed individuals

To get on with it. Like if you were gonna lose your hair Oh first-class ticket, you know Oh, wow It'll do that to you. That's right. And so but you take I take a milligram finasteride every single day and You know, I think it's supposed to ward that off and Derek's got like special shampoos and shit. He recommends as well He's got a whole like program. But yeah, I highly recommend it I can't think of any side effects other than that. When the people talk about roid rage, I think that's horse shit.

I think you gotta be taking like the scary competition level doses that bodybuilders take or weird compounds that aren't even meant for human beings, which people do. You know, they take horse steroids and then you certainly get into weird like mood altering territory. Now you'll feel, you'll be like a, your mood will alter alter you'll be more confident. You'll be more calm and collected. I have

like a better sense of well-being if that makes any sense. I don't have any other way of like rounding that feeling off any better than just saying that that I just feel good. The first six weeks felt like going through puberty again. This is so fucking horny all like Hank Hill. Yeah, like Hank Hill jumping over lawn lorries and fucking Peggy like going to town. But the most impressive part is just how strong you get week to week if you're eating right and working out right. It's like something out of science fiction. It's shocking. I'm eating like your style meals now when you were getting yoked because I was like at the final level of pants

before I was at like the dire straight pants, like the truly fat as hell ones. Are you adding extra buttons to your pants? No, like if you looked in my closet, you'd think four men lived here. Because. Oh, your husband must have a good job. Yeah, dude, me and me and Anderson Cooper couldn't share clothes.

He's too fit. But like, if I'm like we're in 32s. I'm like, I'm cooking baby. I'm like, the thinnest body. Yeah, if I get down to that, that's like the thinnest I can get to. Okay, great. Yeah, if I get down to that, that's like the thinnest I can get to. Okay. Real bad. And then if I'm in 34s, it's like this isn't great, but we're not in dire straights. 36 is when it's like, get your shit together.

This is rough news. I'm wearing 34s now, but it's the kind of 34s where it's got some give in the waist. And so it's like, really's that's like a big 34 and so if i could get back down to 32 you say like what are you wearing 32 shit man i don't know i only wear like uh sweatpants now i don't think i'm probably at a 36 now no you're you're fit 36 now. No, you're fit. Yeah, but I like really loose pants. I gave, I'm like, I'm done with tight fitting pants and this.

You want a recommendation? Everybody gives me shit. So there's two, you get barbell jeans, which are those things that Rogan always pushed. They're like stretchy. They look like jeans, but they stretch. You could like do squats in them. You can actually work out on them. But what I do is I go on Amazon and I get pajama jeans and it's a pair of pajama pants, dude, that look like jeans. And nobody can tell. Nobody can tell.

I've been like, hey, look at my jeans. What do you think? I'm like, oh, that's okay. Do you think there's anything odd about them at all? Anything pops out the other? No, I'm like, look at this. They don't have a zipper. They don't have a button fly.

That's just drawn on. I like the sound of that. I mean, the other guy in line- You can wear a tuxedo shirt with it. The other guy in line at Chipotle They don't have a zipper. They don't have a button flat. That's just drawn on. I like the sound of that. You can wear a tuxedo shirt with it. The other guy in line at Chipotle doesn't want to talk to you. Excuse me, ma'am, would you give me your opinion on my pants real quick?

They're great. Yeah, look at that. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. It looks like I have that exact pair. I need to turn those into jorts. Dude, I have that exact pair. Ooh, those would be good as jorts.

Yeah. Yeah. But Jon, I can't do anything anymore. I have something, something went wrong with my shoulder. What was that? It looked like he'd been bitten on the stomach, like had a human bite mark on his,

can you show it again? Did he have a monkey pox? Ooh, remember when that was a big deal and then went away? Yeah, I wish he was back. That was fun. He's got a hickey there or something, like a giant bite. I thought he'd been bitten by a person right there. Maybe it's just hair. It's just hair pattern.

He's got an infinity sign. Yeah, I don't think you have to worry about monkeypox unless you're gay. And then like being wild about it. Looking for them paws, loads and such as, as Taylor would say, what do they call that? Like bug hunting, right? Bug hunting. Yeah. No, bug, bug chasing, bug chasing, chasing your, that's what it was. It's good stuff. Dude, that's gotta be like eight years ago that we found that on Reddit and I

read it here. Did you remember I, I read that on the show and Arian Foster was on and he was like, what the fuck is, what the fuck is what, what, what show am I doing for publicity right now to promote my own show where they're reading about bug chasers? What was it the Arian got miffed at Woody for? Was it when Woody said, when he dropped the soft a trying to quote someone else who, like he was quoting and you said a soft day and Woody said it well

with Harry and. Well he was quoting someone. Why did he say it? He was quoting someone that you talked. Immediately it was one of those times I like I looked right at Kyle's camera just. Let him move past this. Time for sponsors. What happened was this guy had given like a black man had made a YouTube video.

It might have been EDP. Holy shit. It might have been EDP who made the video. Yeah. Oh my God. It was I'm 80% sure that the pedophile we talked about earlier before we found out the pedophile is the guy who originally made the video and the video was about Wings of Redemption or something.

He was like he said the he said the N word, yeah, yeah, that's what he was telling Wings to lose weight and he never says the N word though. But when Woody watches it, he hears the N word. He thinks that he or maybe he just thinks the EDP is the kind of guy who casually drops the N word. And he'd be like, he'd be like, Ninja, listen up, you got to lose this weight. And so when Woody retells the story, he remembers there being an in bomb. So he doesn't say Ninja. But he doesn't hit the hard R either. Because you know, Aaron Foster, black NFL players there were loving him on the show. He's

been incredibly gracious and fun. And what he says, Ninja, please, or something like that. No, what he said was shit hurts. Oh, shit hurts, Ninja. He says this. No, what he said was shit hurts. Oh shit hurts, Ninja. He says this and an Aryan says something to the letter of that's not cool, man. And Woody just like was like, oh, I thought no hard are it's all good. Ninja. Oh man, what a walk down memory lane.

That was fun. Woody is always on like the just on the precipice of whatever generation like my parents are. That's like something I could see that someone in their generation messing up, but he seems like my age, but then he'll pull one of those out. I'm like, ah, Okay, how old are you? What was your favorite movie in high school? Yeah, Citizen Kane. Yeah. He's 52, so he's not a boomer. No, but then he'll pull one of those out. Ah, Okay. I love that. That was fucking nice. Boomer like

bootstraps moment. Do it in front of Ariane is such balls. I love it. Like, because that's how you know he didn't mean it. He never would have done that if he thought there's been any harm taken or offense taken. But of course there was. Yeah, it was. I don't remember it that well. But even saying it now, I feel awkward about it. So I must have either, maybe I thought it was funny then, but I think it's awkward now. And it, well, let me remind you, it was awkward then. Okay.

Okay. How much longer did the show go after that? Oh, probably an hour or two. No, I don't remember if it was beginning. I don't think it was an early part of the show. They built up enough. The real question is how much longer did Arian stay? Yeah. I like Arian. No, I remember Arian saying, he was like, yeah, I'm not cool with white people saying the N-word.

It would have been funny if Woody had doubled down and defended his position. Like really debated it with a black man. It's like, no, I think he gets to say, he gets to say if we could say it or not. It's up to him. No, it was okay. This was five years ago. It was Trump's America at the time. And so he was in the clear.

And Arian also wasn't fucking mad at him or anything. Hilarious. That was very funny. What an absurd. I like, dude, that's my favorite part. That was my favorite moments on this show is when things get a little awkward when like, I like, I like messing with you a little bit if I can make it awkward with the guest at all. But I also just like fucking with the guests when we had Bagel Boss on, I loved picking on him. All right. We had that guy who or he was in a coma last I heard. Did he finally die? I don't know. Who cares? And then the the oh,

the guy who was lying about being stabbed in the stomach by his by his father. Oh, yeah. Table. The fuck was that guy? He's like, yeah, my stepdad or my dad or whatever stabbed me with a steak knife in the stomach. And I ran off in the woods and I just stitched it up myself, no big deal, cause I'm fucking hard like that. And I just went, no you didn't. Hey, you didn't, show me the scar.

I don't believe you. I don't believe that happened. Yeah, he was like, I got stabbed in the stomach with like a serrated steak knife and then I went and hid in the woods for a day and it's like oh wow what do you know you John Rambo this is the plot of first blood you piece of shit you're lying what was he on the show for getting stabbed oh he might have was that Zach can you tell us who that was? I don't remember. He was the voice actor from Call of Duty.

He was- Oh! Which is like, why did we even have that guy on anyway? You know what I actually remember, other than the weird knife story, he was pretty cool. Oh, well, I don't remember that. Wait, wait, didn't we ask him to like do a couple lines or something? And he like didn't want to do something like that?

Oh, you want to give it away for free? No, I didn't want to. Yeah, dude, it was something I'm sure. But was he even the guy who was like, you know, mission fail, we'll get him next time. No, he was he was woods or something. But I don't even know who that is. I don't know who the fuck that is. I don't care.

Yeah, I like the song. Biggle Boss might not be dead, RIP retracted. I don't care, either way, he's kind of a piece of shit, piece of shit, and he's, you know, he's a midget too. Oh, he's dead. He's dead, good, good. You think he's dead? Those people are not long for this world.

You think they used a child coffin? Or they just cut, like a full-size one off? They buried him standing up because they already dug the hole like, wow, vertically. Yeah, vertically. Then we could fit a couple more in. That guy was kind of funny though. If you remember he, he, uh, he, there was that one clip where he was on a date with a woman for Tinder or something. And I guess maybe she'd made a remark about his height. And so he just left her in a parking lot, like abandoned her laughing.

And she had no ride home and he doesn left her in a parking lot, like abandoned her laughing and she had no ride home. And he doesn't laugh around the parking lot comes back. He's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. My sense of humor. What am I doing? Hop in, locks the door. Fuck. He gave us a double take and just that was funny. But you know, it was a piece of dude. Like that was just a man who had just had the last straw in that shop where he's been bullied all day every day for being like four foot eleven and then he's just trying to get an everything bagel before he goes to whatever other building is on his agenda to be laughed at and there's

someone filming bullying him and he's like no today, today it ends. Although it didn't because then a normal size man, you know, walked up and like stopped him from his rampage. Yeah, he got some random, he just beat him up. Perhaps he died. Yeah. Yeah, he's in a coma for a while. He was like, yeah, I'm gonna spend this note of riot here to a whole career.

We're gonna do appearances. It's gonna be bagel boss merchandise. There's gonna be a bagel boss movie. There's gonna be bagel boss and blazed rug mats, everything. We're going into all sectors. I'm like, well, you better hurry up. You know, you're short on time. You really wanna strike my most hot.

You were having a lot of fun with puns. I like puns. All the short puns. Is that blowjob girl back after her crypto scam? Oh, Hock-a-Twa. Yeah, did she come back online? She went to sleep after her crypto scam oh yeah did she come back online she went to sleep after her crypto scam and then she was gone for like four days or something Haley Welch let's know she's got she's gone still no no posts on her Twitter it's been wow she she fucked up that hard, huh? What a beast. She made billions. She won. She's gone

Was it a millions level heist or like do you actually know like millions with an S? Yeah, did she make it or did the did the crypto scammers make it? But it's always tricky with these guys. She got five million between three people. Oh I don't know Risky Yeah, I don't know about that one. We try not to, you know, pump and dump people here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean. If you piss enough people off, you're going to jail. It doesn't really matter what.

That was never a funny enough meme to get that amount of attention anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a sign of a real low point in pop culture that everyone latched on to that. We needed an Urkel right about then to fill the void. It was like beyond obvious that it went from like a little joke to like hiring a PR department. Yeah, a bunch of phony Spotify listens. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. One podcast in the world, right? Millions of people care about this girl. No, they don't. Not at all. Sure.

But I mean, if that, you know, she rug pulled some people. Oh, that's the only thing I heard a Logan Paul is fighting Conor McGregor for $250 million in India, of all places. The land of filth and shit. The land of geniuses. The land of geniuses. The land of Einstein's.

I've never seen water make that foam outside of bubble baths. It's the way that blessed river they have makes those meters of foam over it. The bodies. As an American, if I were to ask them about the Ganges, the answer I would expect is like, this is a demon river and we do whatever it takes to punish it day in and day out. Like pissing my shit in the demon river and we put bodies in it to say fuck you.

And it's like, no, it is holy. Is that Kadesh floating down? It is holy. Is that is that Kadesh floating down? It is great. Correct. Every video I see of India is like someone, someone gets exploded on a train track and everyone is nonplussed. Yeah, they're wading through like toxic sludge. Shut up. They drop their chips in a toxic pit and they get to climb in to get them out. They drop their chips in a toxic pit and they get to climb in to get them out. They'll be standing on a train car

and they'll grab the first live wire, the highest live wire they can grab. And then they turn for a brief moment. They turn into the brightest thing you've ever seen in your life, fizzle out, and everybody just looks up like a bug zapper went off and not a fucking human being. There we go.

Oh my goodness. That's not even that bad. That could be America. Show me, let me see Oh my goodness. That's not even that bad. That could be America. Show me, show me some real film. That's the best picture of it. Is there that, have you played that game where you drop your street view anywhere in India and see if there's trash?

I haven't, but I've been playing GeoGuessr. I'm genuinely not bad at it. Really? You're not bad at GeoGuessr? Oh, that's cool. Zach, pull up a GeoGuessr. Let's put this to the test. I would love to do that. I did like six or eight of them and I only like had two bogies I think,

or it was like, oh, you're not even in the right country. I think I had a good time with like, I could, I picked South Korea and Poland and really Poland. What clues you into Poland? I don't remember. Are you clicking and like moving around? Or are you trying to do it's pan? I didn't know you could move around. So I've just been spinning in place, looking at road signs and the vehicles. And obviously looking for,

I could kind of recognize some languages like and know what they are. Obviously you could tell if it's in Asia. No, the first three guesses are free. That's what I've been doing. I've been doing this. You might have to make an account though. I don't know how it works. I've played it a couple of times and it is really difficult when you don't know all the requisite geographical knowledge of like, what kind of plants are in Italy as opposed to Switzerland. It's just like, all right, there's mountains here that narrows me down to like 60, 70 countries.

Where is that? It's daytime. Do you like the world? Don't do like famous places or it'll be like, oh, yeah, do the hard one. Yeah. Give us the world. Oh, don't you don't you want you fuck us like you get like you get like three for free, I think. OK, three for free. Well, spin us around. I'm out. OK, it's obviously a road now they've got here.

Now, what do we what do we have? I've got a blank billboard. OK, it's not rust. It's flat. It's not it's not American You see it. Can you see that sign over there? Can we tell if that's English zoom in give that little zoom? Okay, can you scroll all right? Yeah, all right. We're in the mix we are in all right. That's Cyrillic, right? Is that serious look at those smokestacks in the back? All right, we're we've got to be in Russia, right? How about like Russia Poland somewhere in throw us maybe Give us Belarus No, like green it's too green it's too green but there's more green The only place we would know to guess is Moscow That's not this is a Moscow.

This would be more rural, right? Take me further south. Put your cursor on the mouse. Go to Kursk. I'm gonna say that. Put your mouse on the, yep, go north. Go north to Kursk. Click on Kursk.

North, north of Kharkiv. North of Kharkiv. Up from Kharkiv. North of Kharkiv. Move on. I'd say it's outside of Chicago Polish suburb This the Gold Coast of Chicago curse on the right on the right freeze look on the right side of the screen right in the middle curse yeah

boom guess All right, well it's Russia's a big place Yeah, but it's Russia's a big place. Yeah, that's Mongolia Why it's counts as Russia? Okay. Look at this I'm still not thinking America. I'm thinking this looks like Europe I'm thinking Europe to like like like see the house on the right side of the road Yes, so it's not the UK. Is that an Audi or something there? What does that say? Privet.

Privet. What kind of place has goofy words that are almost normal, like like Netherlands? Oh, I like that as a guess. But Denmark, Denmark, give us Denmark, but zoom in. Give us Denmark. But zoom in. I'd love to know what brand one of those cars is. One of the lefts is Suzuki

I think. What's a poor area of Denmark? This doesn't look like that wealthy. And they're all, yeah, this has to be Europe. Look at all the little teeny cars. Give me Esbjerg. On the West Coast. Hit me with Esbjerg. Look at that. That's not bad. Almost got it. We're on the west coast hit me with ash jerry

we're that that's not bad got it we're countries away only like four countries away to that's pretty cool that's like Tennessee to Georgia oh it's true the little over there oh I know this but it's downtown LA yeah was that Spanish I couldn't see. I or maybe it's English.

Right. Right beside the convention center. Man, if we had that one dude on, he'd be like, you can tell from the sun. Oh, absolutely. P parking. I have no idea. They're all in on P.

Oh, go to it. Look at the storefront. What do we got in the storefront? Oh, that's going to be great. Oh, that's Salas. A Borbo Zibano. Hitro Ocusno is. OK, that's not Spanish. Yeah, I have no fucking idea.

Uh, it's going to be somewhere in Europe. Go to like, uh, I don't know, like Romania. No, go to like one of the go to one of the ockies go to Slovakia Hit me with Slovakia way I don't fucking know dude, but this is go to nitra type me in on hit me on nitra Whoa, I was Slovenia! Wow! Alright, that's enough of that. Damn. Alright, we're not as good as...

Wow, you can pay to play more of that? That's... what a deal. Three bucks? What a great idea. I've played it before, years ago, and you didn't have to pay. You could just, like, log in and then play as many as you want Maybe they're maybe they're getting desperate for some coin Maybe they don't have enough h1b guys. I see that one guy or I see shorts of him Playing that game and just being but he did this one. He'll look at like album covers and he'll find that street

He's like, well, I know this guy lives in Kentucky. So let's go there. You see this trash can over here That's the same symbol. See, it says 505. Well, I'm gonna use chat GPT to write this program that will search traffic data for all the 505 addresses in Kentucky. And then he starts zooming in. And like, yep, there's Jack Harlow's album cover right there. This is the street.

It's like, what the fuck, dude? Have you seen the people that are trying to find the stock art that they used on the background of Pokemon cards, like the originals. They now got the little blurry backgrounds and they'll be like, stock footage found from behind Manki. And it's like a blurred version of some obscure stock photo design. Kind of funny.

That is behind a Manki of all cards. I bet you have quite a few of those now. Not worth much, but... No quite a few of those now not what yeah, but no They're not worth anything good bad bad 20 years. You know who knows I Saw there's like highly competitive geoguessr Where there's like tournaments? Oh, yeah, dude Which seems like a difficult thing to like really do a tournament of? Like there would always be people disputing I'd feel where it's like really this dude gets fucking three Paris pictures and I'm supposed to believe

that this isn't biased. Have you seen that guy play scribble? Oh no I haven't watched anyone play scribble. The guy started drawing the coast of a country and he immediately like Macedonia and like like I'm talking about the guy went through like a squiggly line and this has and everybody's like, what the fuck? It's a squiggle. That's the coast of Macedonia. I know it.

Oh, is it all like geography focused? I don't know. Like that guy has such, it's not even autism anymore. He just has a superpower. Like, like, like that guy could be a super villain if you wanted to if he if he could do Something other than guess where pictures were from You'd have to find a way to parlay that into something scary Yeah, I guess so if you turn it into a martial art, it would be it would be pretty frightening though, I guess

dude if you gave him like I guess it wouldn't be that useful for like spotting that guy on the roof at the Trump assassination attempt because they already knew he was there. No, no, you would want him for like some sort of kidnapping case or maybe like CP like like what they'll do and God who wants this job the people who have to go through photos of CP and look at background stuff to try to incriminate people or identify like victims or perpetrators they'll do stuff like that. So like, he could sort like he'll find like exact addresses and like this is where they're standing type stuff. It's really impressive. I'm sure. Yeah, what do we say? He can only use his powers for good. That sucks. Well, how could you use this in a sinister way? Yeah, exactly. Like find a picture of like Hillary Clinton from 1997

and being like this is exactly where she was and this is where One of her foes was found Suicided with chopsticks in the back of his head like blackmail and stuff. Yeah blackmail. Maybe what are the Clintons up to? Those in the hospital the other day, I think he's okay now Is he he's looks so bad. He's getting to that stage of old age where he's look he looks shocked Yeah, it looks really he's looked rough since the heart thing. Not as bad as Jimmy Carter though. He looks terrible. Yeah, awful.

I saw him today. You saw a picture of him being exhumed? No, I saw him. I live an hour and a half away. I went and checked out. I wanted to get a look. Dude, I'm just thankful that he got a chance to vote. I know he's dead Zach Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen it. We all see it For all we know he's been dead for a while because that wasn't even that was less effort than weekend at Bernie's when they I didn't want to say anything, but when they let that man vote it was like y'all are always talking about this

The sanctity of elections and y'all just wield that fucking zombie, that mummy in there. And you just ran a fucking straight line through the blue check marks on the one side of that page and just said, it's good. We are all just, you knew how Jimmy wanted to vote on proposition 262R? Bullshit, bullshit. He shared that with you. No, he hasn't been cogent for a year at least. There's look, I'm sure he was going to vote for Kamala, but.

I'm not. That's not being sure that that old man was going to vote a certain way doesn't make it legal, right? It's there is video of him from, like, at this point, like five years ago on one of his like Habitat for Humanity projects. After he's like hitting a nail the same way that orangutan does in the Attenborough documentary. Or it's like the nail is like on its side and he's just barely with it holding a child's hammer.

That was, look, he was a shitty president but he was a great guy at Habitat for Humanity thing. He fell and you've seen those pictures of him and his face was all cut up and he had stitches in his face and he's out there like all broken down like swinging the hammer and what a good guy Georgia resident gave up his peanut farm so there wouldn't be any accusations of like maybe he's you know he can't be the president and on a peanut farm but we don't like you know because, Trump just keeps everything. Jimmy was a good guy at heart, but he's a terrible fucking president.

The Iranians making look like a punk. So I'm glad you gave me Panama Canal away. Oh, don't know that bit of history, I'm afraid. I don't know much about the pan. Sold it for a dollar. Well, is that really what he did? Like just like, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a terrible ball like.

Yeah, it's like a symbolic thing that they said, well, yeah, we bought it for a dollar. So Trump's is like, no, that wasn't a real, that wasn't a real deal. That was like, that was Jimmy Carter fucking around. You guys, you guys don't own that. Here's your dollar back. Here's two. No, it's actually this dollar was counterfeit. We ran it. The FBI ran the dollar and that you paid. So it's void.

The sale's not going to. You know, that's what you do if you want to lock a kid out of an inheritance and make sure there's or anyone out of an inheritance and you want to make sure there's no way for them to like take it a step further legally or through some arbitration is you give them $1. It's like, because then they can't argue, oh, he forgot about me. They deleted the page that was about me. They just, you know, this and that.

No, no, no. Here's your page. One dollar. It says, Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. So much to do that. Also one pound of spite. It says here, where would you, would you like that now? Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't, I, that you, your kid would have to be the biggest head on earth or you would have to be the biggest head on earth to like be dying and purposely be like, and leave 60 cents to Stephen. Like who would do that?

Well, if you've got a kid that maybe stole a bunch of money from you before, and you want to make sure they don't, yeah, yeah, might do it then. Maybe, maybe hypothetically. Is that the situation you're aware of? I know about it. That's the kind of scenario. Yeah, where somebody got a little light with their fingers in daddy's bank account. Now they don't get nothing. Oh, yeah. I know some people like that. Oh, wow. You know. Yeah, you're in. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh wow. You know, yeah, you're in. Yeah, I forgot about that. That's been so long. Yeah. Fuck around and find out.

Someone in the comments will be like, oh, episode 387, two hours and 16 minutes. Yeah. They know all that. My parents got divorced and my sister, there was an account that she had access to and she dumped that thing and there was an account that she had access to and she dumped that thing and it was like, I don't wanna say how much, tens of thousands, and dad was like, what the fuck? It was, where'd that go? It was a little lot of money. I don't remember exactly how much, but you know.

Took it for safekeeping. Nope, nope, took it for the new, I think it was an SUV that she named. Safe is vehicle on the road. She was involved. It was a Volvo. Yeah, yeah. You got the safe SUV that that money could muster up and then, you know, and insurance for a few years. Also, I'm sure, you know, that sort of thing.

Anyhood to be safe with my apartment, my living situation, yeah. Do you have any concerns about that with your girlfriend about there being any like a property moving, first of all, you don't mind me asking, is she ever going to be your wife? Oh yeah, I gotta get Jesse Lee Peterson to marry us. He said he would do it when he was here at my house like seven years ago, so I gotta cash in on that.

Do it free marriage for sure. Yeah, I mean free, yeah, obviously. For her. You know, you get some tax benefits, right? Get some child tax credits and such. Probably a financial boom. Shit, I should have voted for Kamala. Yeah, that was, yeah, I think so. I mean mean we're in California anyway, so I'm pretty sure living together for

More than a couple weeks. She's already gets half my stuff. Anyway, there's a kid involved Nobody wants nobody wants to be the kid that has to constantly explain like no no, they've been living together forever They just my dad just really hates the government. I don't know what to tell you. He said marriage is for queers. So I don't know. I mean, I'm with you there. It's true.

I'm with you there. I won't get married while they still can. Yeah. Y'all won't get married? The perfect argument. I tell the love of my life every night. I can't wait until Trump makes it so that we can get married again. They take the rights away from all those.

No, I don't think it's a good idea to have, to have a legal marriage, like a, like, like, and get the government involved. I'm with you. That's what I always say. Like why? Yeah. Why's the uncle Sam getting involved with this? Why is there the fuck? Did I buy a car? Did we, did we just make a mortgage or something? No, like I could get, I could see getting, going through a ceremony. Yeah, like religious marriage. Yeah, because that's what a real marriage is anyway. If you don't have that, then the other thing doesn't matter anyway.

And it doesn't necessarily have to be religious, but a ceremonial marriage where we mean the vows, right? Like I don't think that's a thing to see. That's a gayer than the gay marriage thing. What are you talking about, all that stuff? I'm talking about health insurance and tax benefits. Well, that's what I was recommending you go out and get but then you're like, I'm in California. They'll give me whatever Yeah, I'm just saying make her an honest honest woman, you know, that'd be a nice little surprise Maybe a little honeymoon wedding. Let me get my mom on speakerphone. You guys can really

That's a great idea I'll say honey, honey, where do you want to go? Here's a ticket for you. Here's two tickets for you and the baby. Get the fuck out of here. I'm going to be playing with Pokemon cards for the next 10 days while you're in Bora Bora or wherever you want to go. It's a good call.

Yeah, that's a good idea, right? I mean, California does seem like one of those states where is, am I like making this up from TV? Is it like seven years if you live together? Is that common law? Is that the real number? Seven. So I'm sure you've been with her living together for more than seven years.

And so it's like, what, would they still come at you as hard for that as if you were like, you went through the whole rigmaroo ceremony and signed up? The government. Like. This would be one person coming at me for that, for common law marriage. Is that how it works? Divorce, yeah, that's how that works.

No, I know how that works. Lady wants you to stop. I know how divorce works. You know what? You know what? You know what? Like, you gotta get an attorney, you gotta pay your... No, I'm pretty sure common law

marriage is... we don't have common law marriage in California? Shit, I gotta undo a bunch of my Christmas stuff. It was predicated on that. How old were you when you had your first divorce, Taylor? Uh... Thirty one?

You know Fish? Are you aware that he's had a divorce? Yes. And it's always shocking to me because when I met him, he had a divorce and he was like 20 when I met him. Yeah. This he's a, he's a Muslim Eric. Uh, and, and I don't even ask because I bet it's a kooky story, but somehow or another, he got married at like 18 or 19 and then he got a divorce.

I always think like, it seems like you get that thing in old or something. Is there like a divorce? Like, yeah, what you get to do over? Like, what does a 19 year old have to divide? And then like, but yeah, 19 year old got a divorce. It's so crazy to me. You got a divorce in 31 Taylor? Yeah. Oh yeah. I think that's coming back to me now. Yeah. Well, it's because I didn't listen to you two specifically. Everyone in my life was like, nice, good job. You're growing up. And literally Kyle and Dick were the only people who were like, what are you doing? Dumbass. Don't do that. And then then like as I was going through the divorce I was like

they were they were right oh they nailed it fool that I am I've never heard a man say god I wish I'd gotten married yeah no you know what I have heard though the opposite Yeah, no. You know what I have heard though? The opposite. You see so many dudes who are like trapped. It's like, like once you get to a certain age and there's no like a jack button anymore without homelessness, right?

You know, like you're, or if you already have a kid together and it's like a whole new layer of complexity. Now you're going to have an alimony child. Divorce if you don't have kids is like, it's an expensive breakup. Yeah, it's fun. But then it ends. Let me tell you how many,

guess how many, you do the over under on my uncle's divorces. The cost of them? How many do you think he's had? What is the, what's the line? 4.5. Yes. Four point. I'm going to say, Ooh, that's a good line. I'm going to say over.

I'll say five divorces. Let me just tell you this from the time I, are any of them the same woman? No. Oh no. Okay. That's always wild. It's like five different women and it's like 14 different kids. same woman? No. Oh, no. Okay. That's always wild. It's like five different women and it's like 14 different kids.

He paid child support until just that I remember when the child support ended because he talked to me. He was like, it's over. He came to see my dad and me. We were like over at his place and he's like, it's over. It's been 27 years of child support. I've been paying for the last three decades. I've never every dollar I've made.

Only 15 cents of it was really mine. And today I can happily say that at least 45% of every dollar I make is mine now. Oh, my God. And it was just like, what a nightmare. Yeah, really? It was just decades of child support and decades of it. And he paid it because he's you know, what are you going to do? You know, he paid it and it just he never had any.

It was just awful. And nightmare scenarios like that always scared me away from. I just remember all those people went to high school with like they'd be 18, 19, 20, 21. And it's like they got a kid I remember I was I was at the junkyard getting a suburban to blow up on a video for national geographic And I met a guy I went to school with there He was running the scales talking about how he's got two kids and one of them bites the other girls at school And I was like, oh sounds fun, man. Well catch you later

Oh, that's my camera crew you know it was like thank god that i didn't impregnate some person from this town when i was 20 years old and just say this is it this is it we speak right here we speak right here i see those fucking i see the conservatives plug in the mayor like you got you gotta have kids you gotta have kids to like throngs of just horny 20, 24 year old, half autistic recently graduated young white men with their shirts tucked in like all the way to their socks. Like, man, this is, why don't you just drop an atom bomb

on these guys? Like, what are you telling them to do, man? Like I'm at my age, I'm'm having kid I'm like okay well you know I it's a little there are things I'm concerned about and things I'm not but thinking about being 25 and jumping into this with like some fucking chick that whose brain isn't even developed yet like oh man what this is this explains a lot actually of what's been going on with the human race for a hundred thousand years yeah good luck best of what's been going on with the human race for 100,000

years. Good luck, best of luck to you, good luck to the kid. But no, I'm committed to the kid. Zach always interjects. We're committed to the kid and so the marriage is a family. No, we'll get married. You'll get married? Yeah, I'm serious about Jesse Lee Peterson.

What is he saying? Yes. I'm serious about Jesse Lee Peterson. What is he saying? Yes. Yeah, I'm cashing it in. Jesse Lee Peterson didn't lie to me, did he? He's a man of God. So... Oh my God. There's no way JLP lied to me about marrying...

He looked me in the eye and said, you need to marry this girl, I'll marry you. And at the time I said, get the hell out of my house. Jesse Lee Peterson, take your, take your coon of the year award and get the hell out of my house. Oh dude, that's the funniest like officiant of all time. Yeah. I know.

Jesse Lee Peterson. He said, unless he's some kind of giver, you know, that... Unless he's a reneger. I don't think he'd do that. He'd never go back. He'd never renege. I think he'll be overjoyed. What are you, Jesse? Oh man. Well, congratulations.

And with that, yeah, thank you. For the kid and on the JLP marriage. Yeah, and go to, I know Woody cut me off last time. Go to patreon.com slash the dick show and give me some money. I need your money. My kid needs your money. Check it out. He's got a little baby on the way.

Wait and see if it's a boy. Oh, if it's a girl, she's going to need even more money. I don't... That's true. Yeah. Donate a little bit now, and then if it turns out it's a girl, go back and re-up later. A little bit more. May your first child be a masculine child.

Next. Yeah, I hope so. All right. Check out all the sponsors. Check out Dick's stuff. PKA 733. Oh yeah, I'll check it out. Check it out.

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