Painkiller Already - PKA 745 W/ Bruce Greene: Woody's Family Member Dies

Episode Date: March 29, 2025

PKA 745, guest Bruce coming soon, Taylor. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Bluechew, our wonderful merch and lock and load. Kyle, you were mentioning big news about some UFC fighter who I remember a bit of this story, even though it's UFC. He was chasing some pedophile in a car and he kind of boogie'd him a little bit You should have been his lawyer Represented came Velasquez. They had gotten he wouldn't got was that very charitable of me. It was that now I got So yeah a relative of former UFC heavyweight champ, right?

Lasquez bad badass I think what he holds him in higher regard than I do but I think of him as one of the like Mount Rushmore heavyweights. Like that guy was a badass. Like if he was doing it today in his prime like I don't know he's a bad man. Other fighters respect him more than other champions. Scary guy too, like just to look at, just intimidating big enormous man, he's what you would think a UFC heavyweight would be. But I think it was his daughter or son or cousin, some relative of his got molested. And then he in a fit of rage took off after them in traffic and firing a handgun at them, I believe. And he hit the wrong person and hurt them pretty bad, I think.

We all make mistakes. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he got sentenced to five years. That happened the other day. Which I wonder what he'll serve. And that it could have been a lot worse. Oh yeah. The five. The guy who he shot. Does he have like permanent damage? Like his is that guy's the innocent guy? Is his life fucked up at all from it? Or was it like oh you caught my the little bit of the meat of my calf. I'm gonna be out for the next eight weeks

Not sure he Difference he hit him in the arm and in the torso arm and in the torso. Oh, took me a shot twice. One shot. Look, I mean, you know, bullets do funny things. Who's to say? Maybe. Hey, if I were his lawyer, I would argue one of those bullets were up was already in him.

You know, that's coincidental that my client had to defend himself that day against child bill station. Yeah, he shot him a couple of times, I think. And I think he was I think he was had some serious hand injuries or nerve involvement. I remember reading something about that at one point. So not good stuff. Yeah.

Zach saying they may give him time served. I would be shocked. I thought they sent us into five years. I don't know if there's another sentencing post sentencing, whatever. The legal system is weird. Uh, state to state and federal, when you try to understand something and you're not a lawyer, but I mean, he deserved the five years. Let's be real.

You can't. I understand why he did what he did. We wish he'd gotten the good guy, the bad guy that he'd intended to get. Then he probably wouldn't get the five years if he'd accidentally shot or he'd on purpose shot the guy he meant to shoot. They don't give him five then. No, they shouldn't give him anything. If you were that innocent person, you wouldn't be like, Oh, I understand. You, you were trying to get a bad guy. Cool. You'd been like, fuck you, dude. My arm never works again. I can't play PlayStation. Fuck you.

Have you imagined like a piece of shit that you, that clip we all enjoy of that dude in the airport who like shoots the, the pedophile being marched by and he's, why, why Gary, why? Like if he would have turned around and accidentally blown the head off some stewardess, no one would be like, oh man, he was so mad. I understand. It's like, no, it's understandable to shoot the molester, but you get some innocent guy. And then I'll bet you off. You just hit a little driver hole to sign up over there. I found some details that I think we've been looking for. An armed Velasquez chased after a vehicle

that contained Galarte Jr., his stepfather, and his mother. Now, Galarte Jr. is the guy he's mad at. He rammed the vehicle with his own before pulling out a firearm and shooting at the man through the window, missing and hitting the man's stepfather and causing him non-life threatening injuries. So it made it sound like it was one shot,

I don't know for sure. But yeah. And I also got, yeah, so anyway, I didn't realize it was a stepfather in the same car or stuff like that. That does make it more, I was picturing some wild misses, like some guys on his way to the park

and just gets winged. Oh, no, no, he was in the car like he hit the right car and everything. They don't let him go in Texas. May not for the innocent guy that he might be getting put out with that last name. My next. Oh, yeah. Actually, no, they'd send him that he'd be he'd be the toughest guy in that El Salvadorian prison in the U.S. No, you do not understand. I am K. Velasquez. Hwack. He'd be the toughest guy in that El Salvadorian prison in the US.

No, you do not understand. I am King Velasquez. Whack! You hear him something about Trinidad and Ragua. So he's going to go to jail for five years-ish. Yeah, he'll get off with... He'll do less than that as long as he's good. And I can't imagine anybody bothering him or trying to like, prove themselves against him. It would just be a suicide mission. He's going to be fine. Um,

nobody's going to bug him. If anything, he'll have like good treatment. People will be fans of his, I expect not only because of who he is and what he is, but because of why he's there. You know, he was, he was, he accidentally maimed a pedos opposite of a cho Mo Yeah, yeah Forcer have you ever seen that? It's got Jamie from Game of Thrones in it the movie shot caller. Of course. Yes. It's a it's pretty cool he like goes to prison and then he kind of just has to become a lifetime prisoner

Because people get shit on him, the gangs and everything. And they're like, hey, if you don't wanna get stabbed to death by toothbrushes, you're gonna kill this guy. And it just escalates until he's no longer like, I'm gonna get out of jail soon. It's like, he's a lifetime guy. That could be the path Cain Velasquez is. You know what, watch that movie.

I read on Reddit, the world's most reliable source, that that movie was realistic and that it accurately depicted the way that management structures work amongst the inmates. That was fun. I always have trouble believing internet commenters about everything, not Reddit any more than other things, but Reddit, I just picture someone being like,

hi, ex-felon here. Thanks for the gold kind, stranger. This is pretty, this is pretty close to reality when I was except I was on the other side of the coin. See when I was being molested by the gang. No, you hear that a lot. I watch a lot of those prison podcasts. And that's everyone talks about, especially in scary, rough, racially segregated federal penitentiaries, maximum security places, it's sort of, you need to join a gang that's based on your race and they might ask you to put in work for you. So it would be great if you were an accountant or a paralegal and you could do that kind of work for them. But if you don't, if they see you, Taylor, and you don't have those skills,

they're going to need you to either put something in your ass or whoops somebody's ass. What if I lie and I'm just like getting everyone audited? Like, you need me to put in work or are you guys trying to move some consumer products? Yes. You guys need something bitten in half. What do you need? I can write like a tight five for you guys for the talent show. Yeah, I wouldn't like that. No, no, that would be terrible.

Do you think they should divide all the cells, like the sections of the prison just racially? Would that avoid all this? Like you just have a section of the prison section, Hispanic section, and then you'd have a catchball section for like, like Jews, Asians, like old people. I think that would fix the problem of having racial gangs that does like, like fighting each other. But I don't think they fight anyway. I think they kind of have, generally speaking, kind of an agreed upon peace all the time. And a big part of it is like you handle your people and we handle Our people like if a white person does something wrong The black person can't correct them You won't need a white person to like put him in line

Even if he the thing he did was wrong and everybody agrees it's wrong or like I hear people talk about Like sitting down to play chess, like some black guy asked if they wanted to learn chess and he's like, sure, I'm in here for the next eight years of my life. Teach me, sir. And they're like, bro, what are you doing? You sitting down with him for you can't sit with him. Who are you? What are you? You trying to die? You know, it's like I think it can be like that too.

So separating them by race would be great. I can't prove it, but I think they'd find another way to divide into groups. It was all white guys. It'd be some other division. What music they listen to, what hobbies section of the country they came from. I don't know what it would be, but they'd find a way to break into rival groups. They should give me cigarettes. Business related like there would be cause I remember we spent,

maybe it was on the show or maybe it was on my own. I was like interested looking up the gang alliances, like prison gang alliances. And some of those were very interesting and it did belie like, yeah, there's racial hatred there, no doubt. But the business hatred seems even more salient to them cause it would be like, oh yeah, the Aryan Brotherhood and

the princes of Oakland have an alliance against the Latin Kings. And so it's like a black and a white gang against this Hispanic gang because the Hispanic gang was more numerous and they were taking their heroin distribution. It seems like it's the other way though. Like it seems what I, again, this is just from my prison podcast experience. I hear them talk a lot about how it's the Mexican gangs and the white gangs will often like be buddies to deal with the blacks. Like that happens frequently. And to me, it always sounds like some Lord of the Rings stuff. It's like the tricks of the elves. You have my fucking sword. In my jank. Yeah. I mean, a lot of, sometimes you do see that online, like gang pictures,

like even those El Salvadorians where it's like a guy who's clearly Venezuelan and he's got like an SS, like swastika on him. And it's like, all right, what's this about? He wants to be on the Nazi team? So on the El Salvadorian prison thing, we talked about it a week or two ago, and I wanted to learn as much as I could about it. And it turns out that they do just house people there forever, on no charges charges just forever. When they go in, they decided that that group of people were bad people, and now they're going to keep them there forever. They don't see their families.

They leave those communal cages they're in for one hour a week, or not outside time, in the hall time. They get to stand between the cages and do calisthenics, which are led by another prisoner. There's no organization provided, just supervision. Their only source of water is a big 55 gallon barrel of water that gets changed out every week. Here's 50 more gallons of water. Be careful with it. And they have a big like square, I don't know what to call it. It's not a latrine.

It's a water basin like reservoir. And they each have a plastic bowl. So they get their water from the big barrel, go to where the basin and like wash up with their hands. Everybody has a pair of socks, pair of slippers, underwear and a t-shirt and a sheet. And that is it. They don't have blankets or pillows. There are no mattresses.

They are stored like firewood, four high, in these giant communal cages. I saw the bunk bed situation. They were getting high up there. Kyle, are you seeing stories about innocent people sent to El Salvador? I see them every day and I don't know, I worry they're inaccurate.

I'm sure that some innocent people have been sent to El Salvador. I see them every day and I don't know if I worry they're inaccurate. I'm sure that some innocent people have been sent to El Salvador. What I'm even positive is that the El Salvadorians have people in there that are innocent. However, I will say this is well, most of them are guilty. That's not good enough. There was a even, all right. There was a guy convicted. I heard about him today. Apparently the gang sign social media was literally the peace symbol. And his gang tattoo was a rainbow autism awareness tattoo. And they're like, that's two strikes.

He's going to El Salvador for life. He has nothing to do with these things. Oh, and as he was like speaking to ICE, he's like, this is an autism awareness tattoo. And they're like, yeah, yeah, we know. You're not going to El Salvador. But we have to take you in, but you're not gonna be held,

treated like the rest of these people. He's there right now. There was another guy who was a gay makeup artist, like worked in entertainment. He's in the El Salvador prison now. He was not part of the gang. Are we sure? I don't know.

I'm only, I'm as good as my sources. I'm sure I read it correctly. Here's why I ask. He would stick out like the sorest thumb on a hand with no fingers. They weren't looking at the hand. Because when they show these cages of people, they all look the same.

First of all, they shaved their faces and heads every week entirely, like forcibly. And they are all, you know, South American. I saw one guy, couldn't have been five feet tall. He was so much shorter than the rest of them. Little, little Mowgli. He looked like Mowgli from fucking Jungle Book, except with a shaved head and a tower look on his face. Dude, I bet he's sleeping next to his own balloon. They start, oh yeah, they start explaining what all their tattoos mean because they are,

I didn't see one who was not tatted up and I mean, tad at full body and face. I didn't see one and they'll have like devil or this. So this guy is going to pop. Okay, if he's in there, you're gonna notice. Dude, what's that dangerous snake tattoo? Oh, what is that dangerous snake tattoo? I don't know about this guy. Cover that up by the chiron because it says MS 13 on it. They didn't even know some of these guys name.

Like that's the level of due process they got before sentenced to life and an alcohol. The prison. I get it. It's a comedy. We should know right from wrong. Yeah, dude, I'm with you. I'm with you. I just think it's fine. I'm having a little fun at the expense of the political prisoners

who have been sent to another country, but it would be hilarious to make. I would write on the piece of paper like his gang name was Snake. This is right here. I remember when I filled out my passport, they asked if I had any aliases and I was like, I can't fucking lie. And they were like, lie. But that guy that that prison is pretty sketchy. It's pretty scary. I would not want to be sent there. And I'll tell you, I'd mind my P's and Q's

if I were, you know, the kind of person who might be sent there. That's all I'm saying. I wouldn't be speaking out too politically. I wouldn't be exercising your rights that might be in a tenuous state of flux these days. I saw that in a good news thing, someone shot down the Chinese girl who they were gonna deport for being anti Israel protests they shot her no they shot no they didn't shoot her they were like hey we're deploying they shot the plane they shot the plane yeah no they they were like all right you're getting deported because you're like you're on a student visa and you're protesting Israel and then some judge was like no you can't do that that's like a a speech thing so any of the free speech stuff i'm in favor

of i don't know just opinions i don't think that is true because like at the end of the day a judge is like i don't like this and they're like oh interesting mr judge uh when are you sending your personal army to enforce that oh wait, wait, you don't have one. Yeah. Judges ruled they couldn't send these guys to El Salvador. Yet there they are rotting. Of course, you're a patchy helicopter. Oh, you don't have a patchy helicopter?

I've got a thousand of them. I got so many, I just leave them to Afghanis to play with and have fun with. I wonder, I would love a documentary on how those guys are holding up. They got their jungle gyms back. They have all these tanks. They have like a lot. Are they having fun?

Are they having a good time? Are they like a dog that caught the ambulance finally and now they're not sure what to do with it? No, the Taliban has been trying to like become very very much the official Taliban not al-qaeda of Afghanistan and they've been you know I'm it will be hilarious if they were if they were I think they put in a travel advisement to their people for the United States because of our civil rights abuses I would love to see that because I saw like a bunch a few European countries did that Germany

Ireland and maybe France put in travel advisements for the United States. You want to end up in an El Salvadorian prison. You keep up with that talk. All right. All right. We got ways of dealing with you people. We pay El Salvador a $250,000. They store you like- We'll put the entire Canadian population there if we need to. I mean, a quarter million a dissident. That's not bad. Tanner Iskra All of them, but they're hockey. Bruce, good to see you. You know why? Yeah. I know. It's been years. Also sounds like we're keeping it light today, huh?

We're keeping it light. We just got started. We didn't want to upset anyone. Talk about the political prisoners and El Salvadorian. We like to front load the heaviness in the first 17 minutes. Yeah. So what's... Don't worry, we're gonna transition to Dark Souls in a minute. Oh, okay. All right.

It's been years. Chiz tells me you're a father since you last were on, and not even a new father. Now he's like a toddler, or she may? I don't think I was a father the last time I was on this podcast. So it's been like two, two and a half years, I wanna say. And yeah, we have a two year old.

Well, congratulations. Thank you very much. Yeah. Is it like, is it as exhausting as they say? She's a girl. Does what do you have kids? What do you have to do? Two. That's what I thought.

Yeah. Woody, was it as exhausting for you when they were young? So my wife didn't work. Therefore, she did everything hard. It's interesting you say that because that's what's happening with my wife didn't work, therefore she did everything hard. It's interesting you say that because that's what's happening with my wife. So my wife's not working either.

And it's still exhausting. And we just only have the one. We just only have the, like, she just was a terrible sleeper for the first year and a half of her life. So she just didn't sleep. She'd sleep two hours a night, three hours a night. That would piss me off. We were terrible parents. It does, it does. So we put them in the bed and got didn't sleep. She'd sleep two hours a night, three hours a night. That would piss me off. We were terrible parents.

It does, it does. So we put them in the bed and got them to sleep. But what they were really bad at was with babysitters. They would just cry inconsolably with babysitters, which meant we had to do everything. And since we live 11, 12 hours from our family, there was never any relief. We were always watching our own kids.

That is exactly our experience as well. We live in Los Angeles, so her family is really far away. My family is really far away. And it's the same deal. Like it's very rewarding, I guess, maybe not right away. Maybe later on in life. I'm the only one who says that. You and I, we're together. It's weird because who says that you and I were together.

It's it's weird because I want to like dispel all these rumors because like obviously yes, it's amazing to have this the happiest little she's so intelligent. She's she's been talking for a year. She's way ahead. She's super fun like that too. Yeah, it's great. It's awesome. But also, I don't think you see rewards until 20 years from now. Like when they are like a scientist or something.

And then you could be like, I've done it. Like I have made a human that will contribute to humanity. So you're sort of hoping that that's what you're doing is correct for, I get 25 years. I don't know. So we had two ends of the spectrum. I don't know if you know, my son is autistic and he's autistic enough that he'll never leave the home.

And then we have my daughter. When she was one and all her friends were like learning to talk, mine's like skipping and singing the alphabet. It was like, and then like size wise, dude, if she wasn't 90% or better, we looked at her like she failed a test. So we had this like gigantic, brilliant daughter.

And I'm like, I know it's not a competition or any way, but you would say that because your fucking kid sucks. Yeah, you can't skip. Yeah. But also, like, I got gotta maybe exaggerate here, but like people are like, oh my God, you must love her so much. I was like, I don't know, I kind of just met her and she doesn't do anything.

This is like when she's like six weeks old. It's true. It's just leaky luggage that I have to maintain constantly and carry everywhere. It wasn't until she was like, I don't know, 12, I wasn't speaking one year, two years old, something like that, that, that I really started to like connect and she's hitting it back on some level. And that's right. That's that's what I enjoy. But

I didn't want a girl. I didn't want a girl. And I was so confident that the universe or God or whatever loved me, that he wouldn't possibly curse me with one. Curse you with a girl, I love it. Dude, when she was born, I wasn't even worried she'd be a girl. And then like, there was this moment where I had to like run home and let the dogs out shortly after her birth.

And I'm like, brrrr. This isn't like a car accident or something where a year and a half later it passes in its memory. That's correct. This is a permanent thing. That's it. She'll always be a girl. Then by the time we're trying for the next kid, I liked her so much. I'm like, I don't know if this one can live up to these expectations. This first kid is so fucking dope that I don't know.

Like is there room in my heart for two kids? I'm not sure about that. So, uh, unfiltered feelings from me. Well's the we killed our dog today. So I'm fucking a little bit raw. Oh no. I'm so sorry. Oh my gosh. Holy hell. Geez. Um, well, that's what comedy show. What? I know. Seriously. What a nightmare. What? I'm so sorry. Fuck. Uh, yeah, that is terrible. I've had it for a while. You're the best. Yeah, it is best to get it over with for a while. You're the best. Mullen it over. Yeah, it is the best.

It's the best to get it over with and get that bandaid ripped off. Yeah. We had to put our husky down like a, I don't know, six months ago, it's rough. We woke up and she was covered with her own waste, both kinds. And that's not the first time that's happened.

We live in an unsanitary environment from these elderly dogs. But what was different is she couldn't walk. And like we didn't do it too soon. There's an argument that we waited too long. And, but now she's, you know, I'm carrying her into the, we have this big shower, we carried her into the shower,

cleaning her up and everything. And it's like, I don't know if she'll ever walk again. Like she wasn't regaining the ability to walk. There was no like massage or assistance that, like her feet aren't even, if she was a folding chair or something, I just put her legs in the right position and she'd maintain that.

But they kind of both wanted to be off to the side. So I called around until I found a, like an at home euthanasia service that could make it today. And wow. Yeah. And then we this dog was the give it was anyone. It was my daughter's. She was able to call out work and get here like just a few minutes before they put her down.

And well, that's it. So they. Dog's head is on hope's lap. First, they give her down and well that's it. So they, dog's head is on Hope's lap. First they give her some sort of sedative, the same thing we get before surgery, maybe propofol, I don't know my drugs very well. And she sort of falls asleep on Hope's lap and then they give her, is it, Kyle, do you know this drug? I feel like you would. What drug do they give dogs? The second one, sodiumothal. Is that it or is that for inmates? That's true serum. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know my drugs that well, but yeah, I don't know they they they overdose they overdose them on anesthetic Uh is my understanding and it's they they give them a big

Jolt of it and it stops their heart cold. Uh, basically, I, I still have no idea why they don't do that for prisoners. They go through that ridiculous, uh, series of chemicals that one by one shut down your body and we don't even know what's going on in their brains. If they're just laying there going, you know, it's, we feel better watching them die. But with dogs, it's like they they give them that first shot before they gave them the the death serum, whatever that is. She would lift her ear and tickle the fur like in her ear canal and tickle the fur between

the pads of her feet because dogs respond to that like all the time. And if she once she was unresponsive, then they knew if she was ready for the next stuff. How old was she, buddy? So she was 13. I probably given different ages over the year, but today we really looked it up. She was 13 and she was a great Dane. So they lived to be seven or eight and this really passed her life expectancy. Yeah, that's fantastic. You said that's the oldest great Dane you've ever had and you've had a number

that we've had three. So we have one now that's 11 or 12. We'd have to look into it. Who's also passed his expiration date. I even asked Jackie, I was like, should I call for one or two? And she's like, one. Wow. She's so I have a four year old golden retriever and she's just she's the greatest. She's the best. Like it's and it's I often think to myself if I ever need to make myself cry I could just think of the day that this dog is going to pass because then because like just thinking about it destroys me. Like it's like one of those things where I like obviously the dogs you know she's stupid and she's like one of those things where I like, obviously the dogs, you know, she's stupid

and she's like crazy and she does bad stuff or whatever. You know, she's, she's a dog. But the fact of the matter is she's like a part of your family. She's a part of your heart. She's a part of like your soul at this point. Yeah. Yeah.

So only, yeah, dogs are the best. The only thing that you can, the only, I guess, solace I could take in the fact that like, for example, if your dog passes or any other dog passes is that they're in a better place. Like Kyle said, it's like much better to just get it over with, you know, move on. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I've had, um, one good thing is I don't worry about it being too soon. I've had dogs where I'm like, man, was that the right call? I don't know.

With decoy, why you can't remember him. It's like, you could have made an argument, waited too long. We could have made an argument that he was still walking and stuff. This dog fell off a cliff last night. So yeah, anyway, enough about me. Now you can tell dogs are better than than cats, because you never get these sorts of emotional reactions from people who have to like put their cat down. Like there's never like a she was just part of the family. It's like no she was a weird loner that if it was a kid you would have

cut off support. Solved a problem today. No more cat in mine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dogs rule. Cats are not great. Uh, I think, you know, I think that's drool. Okay. Cats drool. Yeah. Damn. It was right there. It's right there for the rhyme. But yeah, I just, I, every time someone tries to say their cat is cool. Cause there's a million people listening to the million of people who have said the statement I'm saying now being like, you don't know my cat. And it's like what? It's like a standoffish surly dog, because that's the best you can hope for. They're like, my, my cat

is just like a dog. No, if I if I went to a friend's house and your and his dog was acting like your quote, like hyper social cat, I'd be like, What's wrong with your dog? Are you fucking beating him? Like, why won't he make eye contact? Why won't he come over for pets? Why is he like rubbing my leg scaredly? Like no, I don't like I think some of those uh, those Weird breed cats are a little better as far as that goes. I know landmarks got that I think it might be an amazon or something. He's got that giant

Ridiculous cat that's actually like a dog. Is it like the Maine Coon? Those Maine Coon cats? No, those are really huge too, but I think personality wise, they're still very much like American house cat or not American, I don't know why, human house cat. But those Amazon cats are some sort of other breed. They're very long, lanky, super athletic. Like they can, obviously cats are athletic, but I've seen those Amazon cats jump flat footed so high and do crazy acrobatics. And they seem to be very dog-like, like they'll nuzzle you. And I see them walking them on leashes

and playing fetch with them. Oh shit. Really? Walk? Okay, all right, cool. That was like a normal cat. They have real, this one, I don't know what this is that that might be one of them It doesn't strike me as one. They usually have there you go

Yeah, you can't tell how big it is there, but it's a very big cat. I Don't know what it is. I tried to Google it. His name is Sabre. I learned that I Don't I don't remember the exact breed. I thought it was an Amazon, but I'm probably wrong about that because that's not what it looks like to me. Uh, the Amazon cats look more like cheetah, leperty. I could identify like a hundred dog breeds, but cats are just sure house cats. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I, uh, I was reading the thing that cats are the only animal that domesticated themselves. That's what I or not. Yeah. You know, I, uh, I was reading a thing that cats are the only animal

that domesticated themselves. That's what I've heard. Yeah. They just decided to like be our, be like, hang out with us. And we were like, chill. Like there was no, like, there was no, like breaking them to the lash and like now you are ours change from what you once were. Like we turned the wolves into dogs.

We didn't do anything to the cat. We were just like, you'll do, come on, eat the rats and chill. Mm-hmm. That is the way they were. I mean, it begs the question, which of us was domesticated, right? Yeah, exactly.

Did the cats train us to feed them? That's what I mean. They're like, oh yeah, these guys give us food. And then they show up and get their food and then leave for three days. Yeah. And they give you no love. And that's why, like, how many countless eons of time of humans like selectively breeding

dogs for different purposes and every time being like, this is crazy. I can't believe it worked again. We got one that points at animals now. We're going to call it a pointer. It's unreal. What are the possibilities with this wonderful creature? And then like there's like six cats because every time some guys like, maybe if we put this one with this one, it's like, ah, it's still terrible. Still not helpful. This one just this one sheds more while it's mad at you.

I was thinking about this the other day. Okay, so the thing that allows us to do that with dogs partially is because their generational time is so short, like the time it takes to get a dog to sexual maturity, make a new litter of puppies and combine The traits of two dogs that have both have fluffy tails So you get this litter of fluffy tails that etc etc etc until you get fluffy tail dogs or whatever trait you're going for Part of the reason that that's easy to do with dogs and pigs and a lot of other animals is that short? mature sexual maturity To making new babies and the size of the litters as well

I'm sure, is part of the thing too. Like whales, elephants, you can't do that. It's like two years of gestation, I think, like two years and then like five or eight years until they're sexually mature for like males and it's a whole fucking thing. But I was thinking, why can't we do something in the laboratory where, I don't know how genetics work, but like we create, we make a baby. Just, we just got to- You don't know how that works, Kyle? We make the baby, all right?

We got the fetus, all right? We make some fetuses. Can we take the fetuses and then make the fetuses have babies? You know what I mean? Like we're not gonna let fetuses fuck. Don't imagine that. I mean, like we're not going to let fetuses fuck. Don't imagine that. I mean, I don't normally kink shame.

I'm listening. Yeah. Once we have the, like, what I'm trying to do is skip the part where the person has to become, no, I get what you're saying. Create the embryo or whatever. Yeah. And then after the embryos made, then you go, we're just taking a little bit of genetics from this embryo and trying to speed up.

And I don't know how that works. Like, like, I don't know how you get a sperm cell. I don't feel like that would work. It doesn't seem to make sense, but let's just say you do. Maturity, right? We have to wait for it to mature a little. Why can't we upload? Cause otherwise it wouldn't have like an accurate genome expression, right? That's what I'm saying though.

Why don't we take their genome and we upload it to a blank egg and a blank spermazoid. And then we do that. And now we have the next generation and we repeat the process until we, you know, make super humans or make people who can fly or people who can, or immune to cancer. Until we got what is like, until we got the phenotypic expression of their genome

as far as what traits we were going for, we wouldn't know what were, like we wouldn't be able to select for a trait because it hadn't been expressed yet. Hmm. So we wouldn't be able to be like, Hey, we want elephants with the biggest tusks because we don't know if that elephant's going to have big tusks or not. So we're just like shooting. But we could figure it out, right?

If we, if we understood we've mapped the human genome, don't we know the part that makes hands bigger, for example, or like, I don't think we've even know hair or a thing yet. Well, we, we know the gay thing, Taylor. You need to drop out of Discord. We sorted that out the other night. I promise you. Do I need to check it out? Did they figure it out? Yeah, we got it.

We got it at the bottom of it. You guys figured it out. Your science has figured it out. I knew the Discord. We do our own research. We take it seriously. Yeah. These guys figured out gay. I don't know why they started figuring it out. It looks like an algebraic equation,

but it's got a lot of slurs instead of Instead of algebraic letters. Yeah, what's the result then? I want to hear what you figured out. Ah The turn of the frogs gay I think that that's that's where it started, you know When you've got all these hormones he was right about that Yeah, they accumulate in the system and they express themselves as homosexuality. You've never even heard of gay people until, what, like 18 years ago or so. I don't think it existed.

You're right, like maybe five years ago. Nobody had ever been gay before. Donald Trump told me that. He said when he was growing up, there wasn't a one. That would be funny. Just to say. I didn't know Donald Trump spoke directly to you either, Kyle, I didn't know.

We text, we text. He's on Signal though. I know that. I'll add you. He don't mind. He's pretty lackadaisical about it. Yeah. I'm the next in JD Vance about engaging. Woody, how big of a deal do you think that the Signal group text was?

I think it will. How big do I think it is? Or is it one way to answer that? You personally, you know like let's pretend like we don't let's pretend like the Trump administration is an average administration partisan politics aside how much do you care. Three or four out of 10. I'm there.

You know I'm there too. Especially with your like prefacing it, for the party that banged the drum about locker up for email servers forever, intentionally avoiding like archiving documents and using private shit like that. Like, okay, biggest hypocrites on the planet. But if we just talk about, like, you know, these guys fucked up and told someone they didn't mean to tell by accident,

you know, I don't know. You know what the reaction should have been? We thought we could trust you. Maybe they should all act betrayed by the journalist. I do think they should have held up in their PR. I think they should have owned it and said like, all right, you know, I wish I had looked at the participants list a little more closely.

We made a mistake, et cetera. Instead they lie. Then the next day they get caught in the lie when everything's released. Tulsi Gabbard is in the middle of testifying to Congress, lying her heart out and plagiarizing herself, really. And then the next day she gets busted for that plagiarizing because the texts come out.

Oh, perjuring. Yeah. I'm sorry, thank you, I'm stupid. No, no, I was like, what is, I don't know how you got it. I didn't make you do that to yourself. Like, you've- She plagiarized herself. She plagiarized herself, that's how.

You had my gears turned hard. You learned to, as a teen. I was like, maybe Woody knows more than I do. I'm not. There she is. I don't know. But yeah, yeah. So she perjured herself and then the next day she's busted for the perj. I think there are no ramifications. They asked some democrat like, you know, what are you going to do about this? He's like, we can't do anything. We're the minority party. Like we can't impeach her. We can't do anything we're the minority party like we can't impeach him we can't do anything etc I think it's a shame the actor just passed away the guy who played Theoden King of the Rohan yes because I would love he needs to be brought out and that makeup to say you have no power and I think that every time I hear I see a news story where they're all aha we got them. Everyone come around we got them. And it's like did you? Did you? No. No but we got you to click dumbass. There is no getting them because they won so fantastically.

Adding someone like the other day. Today actually I had this realization because it feels like we're in the last days of the administration. If there's been so much and it's so much craziness and the whole like attitude of everyone in the in the way of like globally and then at home and abroad everything, it feels like we've been through three and a half years of this, but it's only been three months. That's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, right. That's bad.

I feel like I could see like a... It's easy to add the wrong person to a chat. I would have liked to believe that they're a little more stringent with it at that level of government. Like it's... It is disconcerting to be like, Oh, they just added someone to a text and it like said there in the signal, like so and so has been added and everyone's like sick. Anyway, this is no one checks. But the thing I dislike much more is that my understanding is that signal like. And you touched on this, Woody, like nothing's getting recorded. And so like not for posterity, nothing's going down.

And so like they should have some kind of, you don't think that's reasonable, Kyle? There's a project 2025 training video that says you signal to avoid document retention. Nice. You know what else? It also surprised me like, all of these like consume, because like any of us could make a signal if we wanted and like, like share stuff. Like, in my head, I guess I always had this thing of like, Oh, telegram signal these like supposedly secure sites, that there's no way the government's using something that we have no

idea they're looking at all of our stuff. And then to see that like, high level government efficient, this is the best marketing signal because I've ever hoped for the It's like look, the most powerful government in global history trusts our. You and the sender are the people with the keys and the information is like thrown to the wind between you and them and it gets decrypted on the other end. My understanding is end to end encryption works really well

and it's on several apps, it's on WhatsApp. But the, yeah. I agree with you Woody that Pentagon said not to use Signal because it can be hacked to its staff. They issued an OPSEC special bulletin. I don't know anything about Signal. I'm more of a WhatsApp user myself. I don't know about signal. I don't have signal. Um, but but What what I was gonna say is I don't know what that group chat Was or was for exactly it seemed to be 75 percent

Personal bullshit and 25 percent work It seemed you know what I mean and like even the work stuff wasn't exactly like official like, like business. It was just, there was that they kept saying that there were strike details, which to me, I don't like the sound of that. And I'm like, well, show me where the strike details. And I think Hegseth maybe sent a message that was something like the Operation will go through at 1125 hours. I'm making the number up and then f-18s will deliver strike package one and that seems to be like the most official like

Something that we shouldn't be like sending and be secretive of more secretive about kind of information That's the only thing I saw. That being said, I don't think the Houthis have hacked Signal. I don't know. I'm just not too concerned with it, I guess. I think going back to Taylor, what Taylor was talking about where you're like, Oh, I thought government officials would do better. I mean, these people are brand new. They've been there for two months, right? And then Pete Hickseth, for all we know about him, doesn't seem very qualified to be in his role

Yeah, but he's jacked and he likes it but he's Jackson he loves guns He also consider how jacked he was Bruce Been in Congress for many years she Gifts before for like actual top secret But the Hickseth thing feels like Hickseth was like, well just set it on signal it'll delete itself. Whatever, no big deal. And then accidentally added a journalist and then I think in my opinion it's probably they're

just they were friends and he just maybe mistyped when he was drunk or some shit. You know like. Can I hit back on that part? So it was Tim walls who added the journalists. Okay, he was an intelligence guy. I'm not positive. Maybe someone can fact check me. And it's theorized that he leaked stuff to Tim walls. That's why he was in his phone. They like suspected of him of doing that. And now when

they ask him why this reporter was in his phone's contact list in the first place, he has like nothing. He's like, I don't know. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe Tim put it there. Maybe someone else put it in my phone. Like when I wasn't looking, like it's, it's total, like unbelievable nonsense. And so what do they say that I don't like we're talking about the other day, like how I don't, I don't, I don't use like messenger. I've got all sorts of like unrelated to this. I don't know. Yeah. I, I? I don't use, like we were talking about this the other day, like how I don't use Messenger. I've got all sorts of contacts on my phone. But like unrelated to this. Oh. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't love them using it, but I just don't fucking care. Like it seemed like what they were doing wasn't that top secret to me. I wouldn't want them. Wait, there's literally like times and locations and weapons plans and platforms. Before it happened, right?

Yeah, but no, no, no. Before it happened, yeah. It really seemed all like top secret. It really didn't. You've got a pretty low standard for top secret if like secret military strikes on a foreign adversary don't make the list. I just really don't.

Did I say low standard? You know, maybe if we were dealing, maybe if we were like a Russia, Ukraine thing, I would be upset about that because Russia seems like the kind of power that might be looking in on Hegseth signal. That would bother me. If it was Chinese something or the other that would bother me.

But since we're bombing tribal people being you know I guess I'm cool with it. They could do that show discord. I don't care. Yeah, dude, I couldn't agree more Kyle. Don't give a shit about any of this chat. I want to see the chat that still has yet to be leaked where we see Lauren Bobert's tits well and they're all sharing that around you don't think just pay off dude she'll jerk you off in the theater man I mean you don't have a hundred bucks I can't take her to wicked

and get jacked off and all the sudden slut shaming is in order when it's a conservative woman trying to. I didn't say anything about slut shaming. Nobody was slut shaming. I just said you could do it. I think that I want to. Isk, isk. That would be better.

We're advertising her services. We're on her side. Dude, she's hotter than any of the Democrats at this point. AOC has fallen off dramatically. What? I've seen some upsetting photos. I've seen some real upsetting photos. You saw on those mom jeans?

You didn't like that? I wish I hadn't, I can't sleep. She looked a little big. Actually looked a little big. Taylor, I'm gonna be honest with you, I've not seen any sexy pictures of you. Well, it's cause I'm ugly. Oh.

You're qualified to talk about it, I'm sure. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, AOC qualified to talk about it. I'm sure. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. AOC definitely has had better days. Lauren Boebert has too. But I think those well, who would you say is the hottest person in our federal government? Well, I'll tell you who's trying the hardest. I think it's who's the one that's showing up in costumes. Who Who the hell is that? Yes, that one. What's her job? Is it Nancy Mace? Am I right?

I think Nancy Mace is the actually pretty one who's in her later forties. Okay. Who looks very like trad wife. She's like, she's very attractive. No, Nancy Mace is the fake tits. Yeah. She's the big fake tit woman who's always like,

I like to piss alone. And it's like, stop fucking talking. No, it's exactly what I'm saying. She is the trad wife looking like late forties looking. She may have big boobs. I don't know about that, but that's her. But you're thinking of, I think, Christy Gnome, maybe? I think I may be.

Oh, the one who shot her dog, right? Well, you know, the dog was a bad dog. By her own admission. That's not a legend. By her own admission to legend. First of all, that dog was lame. And second of all, that it is Kristi Noem. It is Kristi Noem. And you mean lame, of course, in the pejorative sense, not the descriptive

sense. I mean, he was just terrible at parties and nobody wanted to pet him. He was just a lame dog. He could walk just fine. Wish he'd left. But she shot him real good a couple times. That's her. She cosplays all the time. You can find her outside of an illegal immigrants bodega dressed with a full tactical gear, but her hair and makeup will be as well done as it was right there. Like full beauty pageant makeup and hair

mixed with a badge and on a chain with a bulletproof vest that says like, sheriff, new sheriff or some crazy shit she went down to that crazy prison she went down to the prison in El Salvador did you see that Woody? Yes, yeah she's staying in front of all these like they look like they were cast for that position they grabbed all the tatted up scariest prisoners in an El Salvador super max and she's posing in front of them. She's like, how would you like to come and live with these guys? No, then shut the fuck up. Dude, I hate when politicians do that larpy shit so much. There's this one lady here in Missouri,

this Hispanic lady who's trying to be popular for Republicans and she'll she'll she'll like just be in a some Missouri field somewhere with a gun and there's like a mannequin tied up like a like a criminal or like some rapist and she's like this is what I want done to the rapist in America and she just like shoots this this mannequin in the back of the head while it's tied to a chair and she's like I'm so and so Vasquez fighting for you in Missouri and it's like what the what the fuck are you talking about what does this have to do with anything? Oh it's a firefighter. That's clearly her putting out. The statue of liberty like she dresses up in costume all the time. Dude this is how I would be a politician. She's in the Coast Guard boat or some shit doing some drug

interdiction. She's got a whole like helmet on and the ear for look she has earrings on. This is just this is just an Instagram girl that snuck into elected office because she's just coming up with stuff like if I were governor, I'd be like I need to go get a Salvadorian secret be like, I need to go get a, I need to go, uh, get photos taken at a Disney world for my campaign. And I need to spend all day there and I need the fast pass. We should invite her on the podcast.

We'll just be like, yeah, we're all dressing up as Bennett say less. Yeah. Sorry. The controls of a military plane here. It's on the ground. So, you know, they let her, they let her fool around with it. That she's flying an AC 130 apparently there. Is she flying an AC 130 or?

I mean, it appeared so she had the controls in hand and definitely her wearing jeans and heels and the cockpit and AC 130. I'm sure that happened. No, there's no way she flew it. Those things are cancer, cancer capsules, I guess. They're just full of things that give you cancer in AC-130. It's nothing but lead dust and depleted uranium dust

and just evil. Not to mention all the propellant and the gases and everything. Those guys should be on respirators the whole time. They're not, they're breathing that air. They're loading those guns. Like you and Matt, when I played Call of Duty back in the day and I did the AC-130 mission,

I imagined that every time I pressed the trigger, that there was an automated sort of thing happening. There's guys in the back of the AC-130 loading those cannon shells up. It's a howitzer they're shooting just from an airplane. It's a terrible job. They're not wearing gloves or masks or anything? I'm sure they got gloves, but I don't think they're... And they may have masks, but they're not wearing respirators.

They're not breathing good air. They're breathing in all that dust. The cancer rates are crazy on those crews. Like way, way higher than normal. Like three or four times higher. She's a badass. All right, look at that. She's really in call of duty.

This is when she took down Osama bin Laden, I'm told. If I'm being attacked, I want the dude behind her. Yes. I mean mean she looks good for 53 but she needs to cut it out with the Halloween stuff yeah I like it I like it that's uh that's brilliant stuff right there I don't think the people that she's trying to sway or they see that and they're like what a badass look at that that's a woman right there does anybody really I mean like how many people actually think that when they see her in a bunch of costumes? Well, that is for are for people who are largely apolitical and might vote on and like, oh,

their entire experience of her will just be like, Oh, I think I saw her, you know, locking up illegals with a gun at some point. Oh, that's good. I like that. Well, she's North Dakota, South Dakota. Where's she? Where's she from? One of the Dakotas, right?

Yes, one of the Dakotas, right? Yeah. It's one of the Dakotas. I, I, the way I see it is she is telling us her political positions through pictures. She's got the gun there. It's like a baby baby book. You got the gun in her hand. She has the El Salvador prisoners in her hand. She dresses up in like full MAGA tire with the hat and everything, a handful of times. What are some of the other ones we looked at the was she you know, she's she's she's making herself like a Go get them military law enforcement adjacent leader hero

It's instead of using text. She's using images to say that these are my values Yeah, unless she's just not that sophisticated and I'm projecting something better than she had in mind. No, I mean, some PR person, like she clearly likes doing it, but someone on her PR team is like, hey, we're going to get you in this and it's going to play well with XYZ demographic, we're trying to court. The same reason that like, like you remember that hyper viral photo shoot that AOC did years ago, she was like crying near a migrant facility, like looking in the, like trying to make puppy dog eyes, like crying the way like an eight year old does when they're like trying to push it out. It's like that.

I don't think that either of them independently came up with those ideas. I think someone on their team was like, this will play, do it, dance monkey. You're a politician. Dude, that Missouri politician you were talking about has some of the greatest viral clips ever. She has this one where, and she's cute, first of all, but she has a very strong Hispanic accent. Democrats want chicks with dicks in sports. When I was a kid and your girl and a man hit a woman, we had a we had a name for that. No faggots in Missouri sports. And then like some like hard hitting music comes on.

It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I was like, what the fuck? And then I watched the other. It's what you said. I know what we could do with child molesters. Pow. And she caps this tied up like she executes a dummy and its head explodes. She's got the handgun and she's like, see that no long drawn out process. 20 cent bullet.

They're all so hardcore. What's the name of what's the name of this? Yeah, what's your name? I'm looking because I don't remember her, but I've seen, I've seen like ads targeted or targeted ads, I guess. Trying to find a list of the hottest American politicians. Shockingly, this isn't wildly covered. No, there's a lot of fogies. Republicans candidates weak and gay campaign add sparks, comeback, pushback.

Valentina Gomez. Valentina Gomez. Yes, she called her message, this is from NBC News. Her message, don't be weak and gay. In turn, the response on social media was strong and decidedly gay. Yeah. Oh, here's a picture of her torchingching like it's something that says queer on it.

She's a flame thrower and she's blasting something that says queer. So let's throw some of these images up Zach. Let me see some good pictures of this crazy. Dude, more and more I'm convinced these guys are just projecting their political positions through pictures. Well, yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

They're wanting this to go viral. I thought it was clever 10 minutes ago. Robert Taylor Green. Everyone's ours. Yeah, I mean, very cute. I guess Woody, I guess it's not I don't know about clever. More so like it's like it's sad to me. It's sad because it's like, you know, you can't actually

you know, derive their positions from pictures. You could guess, but you don't actually know. They I'm sure there are nuances in those positions that we don't know. I don't know, click that last picture. You can guess their positions. Yeah. I'm hoping it's doggy waiting for the picture to come out.

I mean, no, it's her executing the child molestation. I'm disappointed. Well, that's the place. Here she is with a flame thrower. That's the queer thing, yeah. I wouldn't like if she did that in my neighborhood. I can't tell if she was my neighbor or not. You'd hate me as your neighbor. Yeah, I wouldn't wander around Amazon was here

I'm like trying to just hang out at my house and there's just like the dull roar of a lady screaming about how gay it is That she can't have more guns or whatever her point is. Yeah, I just went to her Twitter It's like I made it to Mars no gay trans shit allowed here and she's in like a like a velour tracksuit Yeah, dude politics is very gay. And I, all of our politicians, like, just this, this kind of stuff is embarrassing. It's just embarrassing to see them like song and dance themselves. And you know, it's the same thing with like DeSantis did this a lot. Fucking Tim Walls did this a lot when he was doing his like, come on, are you going to help me make some tacos? I'm a stupid white guy. I put mozzarella on it sometimes. I just don't get it.

And it's like, can you guys just be adults? Can you just, can you cut it out? No, we're wacky and relatable, just like your dad. You just, can you cut it out? No, we're wacky and relatable, just like your dad. Taylor says politics is gay, but I disagree. Not my boy, Pete Buttigieg. Oh, Buttigieg? What, are you gonna wanna sit down for this? You know?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was gonna say, I missed all your PKs about George Santos. Do you guys talk about George Santos at all? Who's that? Remember George Santos was the oh Guy Crossed read a liar that like lied about literally everything got into Congress and no from Congress See the gay guy pretending not to get the Republicans expelled him but real Democrat Republican I thought it was he got voted out,

I think in the long run, didn't he? They removed his committee position or something, and then they just let him finish his term because it was a tight majority. Because they always had trouble getting the House Majority Leader, they kept him around. I just love the story of this dude

because he was literally a liar, like from the very beginning, and everyone knew he was a liar, and he just kept going. Like somehow he kept getting elected. Yeah, yeah. No, no, don't, what? Yeah. Yes.

He's having gay sex on OnlyFans? I didn't say that. Well, I don't know if gay sex, yeah. What a leap, what a leap. Oh, I thought you said he was gay. What's, I mean, you can do all sorts of things on OnlyFans. Sure, I was just, but if you're gay, you're going to do gay stuff on only fans. It only follows that you would do that. Right.

I thought he was like a Lindsey Graham where he's out there being like, you know, we need to return to traditional values, which do not include me having sex in 40 minutes at Capitol Hill with staff. Fucking me in my ass. It doesn't include that, for example. I'm not hard thinking about it right now. And it's like, that's actually what's the watch. No, Lindsey Graham.

Didn't we all we all heard about that leak of his texts where he's like, I won't, I won't change him to fuck me in my ass with my little lady bugs. No, it was a, it was a, it was a male prostitute. No, a male prostitute claimed that he hooked up with Lindsey Graham or was paid to hook up with Lindsey Graham and like he had all those warts on his asshole and he was like, what the fuck is that? It's like a clutch of spider eggs back there. And he's like, oh, it was like, oh, he was like, oh, you mean my lady.

Wait, what? Wait, hold on, hold on. He called another story. No, I've never heard this story. The words on his asshole, ladybugs? Who did he tell this? Ladybugs. Like a male prostitute who was- We broke the story.

Yeah, right here, right here. Then we did this. I was the male prostitute. I'm revealing now. I am the pro. Can we finally talk about this? So is this the male prostitute saying that's what he said? Is that what it's like?

Yeah, it's a he said- Are you looking for a moron? Yeah. Are you looking for a moron? Yeah. Are you looking for a moron? Yeah. Are you looking for a moron? Yeah. Are you looking for a moron? Yeah. Can we finally talk about this? So is this the male prostitute saying that's what he said? Is that what it's like?

Yeah, it's a he said. Are you looking for a more reliable source than that? In fairness, it is a he said, it's a he said he said situation involving a prostitute. So you do need to take a little brain to snort. That's a great story regardless. It is so funny. Dude, just to have such egregious genital warts all over your asshole that it's like visible to the like, just by someone who was like, who

showed up there to fuck your ass. And that person's like, Oh, and then to play it, to have that confident, I would love Lindsey Graham confidence. Yeah. Just a, just an asshole full of warts. And you're just like, I'm, I'm the man. I'm gonna go get that clean. I was gonna Not at all. Oh, he's got to be a bidet guy. Yeah, can't white Awardee asshole clean you never could better smooth. Yeah, or he goes like

In the spring when the when the ladybugs all come hatch out and there's that whole clutch of them like kind of together for warmth you know at the end they have an odor what yeah they do yeah yeah they have a smell I do is that what you're imagining his butthole well you're about the butthole as an odor or the ladybugs both The ladybugs. Both. Both. A different smell for each, but both have a distinguishable odor. Yeah, Lindsey Graham is a great American leader. I won't have you smirch his name here on these public airwaves. All right.

He served his country with honor, dignity, and he's a true patriot. Well, I've served my country so vociferously in most rooms here now that I think of it that I never had time for women or children or families. Right, so sacrifice he made for the American people. Good for him. Sacrifice I made. I've worked so hard. Had nothing to do with the fact that vaginas are icky.

It's not because vaginas are icky and I wear these diapers not because I'm incontinent, it's because I need time to work for the American public. That's right. It's like never had time to go to the dermatologist to get those frozen off. Never. Y'all remember that NASA assassin

who was gonna go kill the new girlfriend of her beau. And so she drove from Texas to Florida without stopping, wearing a diaper the whole way. Yes. She was so intent on murdering these people. She didn't have time for bathroom breaks. Not even one. That's how you know someone's serious about some shit.

Because, so I've heard this question before, if your wife's been kidnapped and you know where she is and you've got to drive there right now, you're going to save your wife from the kidnappers. Radio on or off? You know, cause you want to get hyped up about this. Yeah. You know, we got to break, kick in some doors and cut. You're like, all right, I need to, I need to be ready to die, but I'm still standing is on.

So I'm going to listen to this for a bit. And then before I know it. Yes. Yeah. So I'm gonna listen to Jock Jams. I know my song and I think half the audience has already predicted it. It's I Need a Hero by Bonnie Tyler. Okay, yeah, yeah. I like that one too. It's a good one. But are you singing that?

It sounds like you need a hero. What are you? Yeah, are you? No, I'm near the hero. I'm here to call in this mind. Cause if you sing I Need a Hero, it sounds like you're saying you need a hero to save you. I'm here to hear it all in this mind. Cause if you sing, I need a hero, it sounds like you're saying you need a hero to save you. Is this where you're coming from?

The woman needs the hero. She's singing to me. I'm aware, but you guys are saying I need a hero. You're saying the words, I need a hero. So you're not the hero. It's the song that went on my radio. It's my hype song. Yeah.

All right, then it's Creed. I'm listening to a hero by Creed, that's Spider-Man's. And they say that a hero saves us. Chad Kroger, Chad Kroger. Yes, yes. I'm listening to a hero by Creed that spider men's and they say that Chad Kroger Chad Kroger. Yes. Yes. I'm not gonna stand in a terrible on your way to kill someone. So you guys aren't thinking game band. No, it should be any song from Limp Bizkit. So break stuff. Rolling the Mission Impossible song that they wrote. They're gonna think I am if I if I pull up and they hear keep rolling, rolling, rolling,

they're not, they're not going to fuck with you. They're like, Kyle's actually listening to Nickelback. I'm going to crash through the fucking wall. I'm listening to Nickelback. That's going to get me hyped. I believe I can do anything. If I'm, I'm going to listen to a member, Let's Get Ready to Rumble? Okay. Oh, yeah. On Joc.

That's some more combat music. That was also on Joc Jams. Yeah. And Joc Jams was played on repeat at the roller rink, the hockey rink growing up. And so I would play something from that. That would end there. Mortal Kombat's a good one.

Y'all ready for this? Another Yeah, Mortal Kombat's a good one. Y'all ready for this? Another great one? Yeah, that's a good one. Dude, those are good ass murdering songs. Yeah, but I think I turned the radio on. At least for like the first like three quarters of the drive, maybe right when I get close, we're gonna like get focused up.

But for the drive over there, I'm gonna be so upset. I need to get my mind somewhere else. I think I'm gonna get hyped up, a little easy listening though. A little easy listening. I want some Elton John. I want some- Yes.

Tiny dancer, okay. Elton John, you can listen to that on the way to a funeral, home from a funeral, on the way to an assassination, way home from an assassination. There's no bad time for Elton John. It's true, true. He's a songbird of the UK. He's absolutely masterful. Absolutely. He's a genius. Remember when he rewrote the song that did

Candles in the Wind for Princess Diana after she died? Of course. Oh, it's beautiful. I've heard that version, but I didn't know he was... And you spent your life like a candle in the wind. Never know who to claim to when the rain came in. Did you know that actually he's gay? No, no, no, no. I was going to say speaking to people that might know about Lindsey Graham's ladybugs. Oh, as if Elton John would spare even a sideways glance as if Elton John would spare even his sideways glance to a Lindsey Graham tear guy. Not a shot.

I didn't realize you hated Lindsey Graham. Exactly, show me Elton John's husband. Show me Elton John's husband. Elton John probably doesn't have a husband. He's wheeling a deal on him. I don't think he does. He's had a husband for many years. Or like a full-time partner.

Has he really? I didn't know that. Maybe they're not married, but it's like his full-time partner for many years. I think they got married, and then Eminem sent him gold cock rings for their wedding. That I knew. So that's how I know he's married and then Eminem sent him gold cock rings for that. I knew yeah So so that's how I know he's married go. Okay, so David

David furnishes his it's his husband In 1993 Line while turning his head towards dude, He wrote rocket man about that guy. He probably did. Yeah, he's like he's 78. He's dating a spry 62 year old guy looks great for 62. He looks fantastic. He looks fantastic. 52. Yeah, Elton John's over there. Just like, look at me. Look at my piece of ass. Anna Nicole Smith vibes to it. Yeah. But I respect this. And Nicole Smith was like 60 year age difference, right? Yeah. That's like 10, I think.

I got, yeah, this is a 16. And Nicole was 20, 21. She was, she was so hot when she was 20 or 21 or whatever she was. But like in the later years, I found my next life isn't even born yet. Yeah. That that's, that's something that much money. Yeah.

And then she ended up dying not long after him of drugs. Probably. Is that what in the cool Smith guy? I thought it was an overdose. Yeah? I thought it was an overdose. Yeah, I think it was an overdose. She was like fat and a drug addict in her later years. She would be on Howard Stern being like fat and druggy. And she had a brief reality show about being like fat and Nicole Smith. And I think that she let Benji eat her pussy on the show. I think she went in the bathroom and like Benji ate her pussy like during an episode of Howard Stern show.

It was that was a hell of a radio show back in the day. Benji's she can Benji is Benji's like a member of the dog. No, it was easy. They put some peanut butter on there. Yeah. They were doing something awful. I think that they wanted to weigh her and exchange. They would give her son who was there and a brand new Xbox 360.

Oh my gosh. Like something awful like that. She's like, I don't want to be weighed. I was like, why not? It's not a big deal. Just, I don't want to be weighed. And they're like, when's the last time you had sex? Oh, it's been years.

And Benji's like, I would eat that snapper right now or whatever he said. It's like, they went into the snapper right now or whatever he said. He went into the side room and he ate her pussy apparently. So the kid did get the 360? I can't remember if he got the 360. I think Benji got the 360. Wow.

What a day for Benji. I say got to eat her pussy. I bet it wasn't great. Dude, he was thrilled about it. He was probably in a rough experience if she was a drug addict and not didn't care for himself. I think he came back and he gave it wasn't great. It was probably a rough experience. I think they asked him when he came back in the room and he was, I think he came back and he gave it two thumbs up. I think he was very excited to go down on Anna Nicole Smith.

She was a big celebrity for a moment. She's one of the worst actresses you can imagine. She had an MTV show, didn't she? Yeah, that's when she was still fat. Yeah, she was fat on MTV too. Yeah. Yeah. Damn shame.

RIP to all involved. Yeah. Is Benji dead too? Kyle's Benji dead? I don't know. Probably not. He's like 40 then. It's only been 15 years. Yeah, I'm sure he's fine. Yeah, I'm sure he's fine. Yeah. We've been playing Baldur's Gate and we're almost done. Scum and I were doing this dual playthrough where he controls half the characters and I control half the characters. I think we're about 120 hours in. Something like that. And we're already arranging our next playthrough.

We're going to do a four person playthrough this time where one human will be in charge of each of the characters It is going to be tedious But but but I think we're gonna try to start that soon What a great video game ball. It's just it's like an unbelievable. It's like one of the Maybe once in a generation video game, you know, I I've been interested in playing divinity Too I think that's the other one from Larian that came out in 2017 or so.

But the graphics look pretty shit and I'm sure the story's there, but I need the graphics too. And it's that full package that Baldur's Gate gives you that I think I like so much. I really like the turn-based combat and the chess-like nature of approaching each fight and how it can be different every time.

But playing it in multiplayer is really breathe new life into it. Having and I'm sure like we're going to play with dirty this time and I'm going to make it dirty is a friend of ours and a friend of the show. He's about five foot five short little guy. And I'm going to force him to play a halfling. No, that's no. Let him let him be a big let him be a big boy. Let him live. No, no. he has to be a halfling.

I won't have it any other way. I'm playing this new Souls-like game called the first Berserker. It is so hard. I got up to this boss named Viper and I couldn't beat him. Okay, whatever. Next day on stream, can't beat him. Okay, fuck. Yesterday, my day off.

I devote to beating this guy. Maybe 75 or a hundred tries in. I have like one HP and a dream and the boss still has half his health bar. For whatever reason, I summoned the super me and defeated half this boss without taking a single shot. My wife is next to me and she's so happy. I was like, fuck, why did I do it so hard? But you beat it pre-patch,

which is a huge badge of honor by the way. That happened to me with- Put that in your profile. That should give you like a little, like a reward. You know, those little achievements they give you in video games. I love having t-shirts made. They're t-shirt made.

I beat Viper pre-patch, yeah. I beat Viper. Then everybodyatch. I beat Viper. Then everybody can see it when you don't go to the grocery store. You can look at this. Jackie, did you see my shirt? Yes. I'm sat next to you when you beat him. Yes, me and Colin in Hope falsely the fucking chart. What, he doesn't go to the grocery store?

These guys are my grocery store boys. I have been to the grocery store in a coon's age. I gety store boys. I have been a grocery store in a Coons age. I get Instacart. I have like an Instacart credit card. So like after a while I get points and it doesn't make sense to go. You know, you're the minimum order is $10 and they deliver it for free. Basically, you know, it's like I always order my groceries. I just get a big order every week, every 10 days.

I bet you're paying more for the items though, right? Yeah Um, it some stores have in-store pricing on there. So you pay the exact same amount See, I'm pretty careful with it. I I enjoy working the system and finding deals on there. So There's been times where I've taken screenshots of my shopping list and almost sent it to you guys and been like Yes, how much this was because I'm so proud of like I'll have like eight steaks and like I'll have what looks like $200 worth of groceries and it'll be like 80 bucks Especially with Aldi. I've been using Aldi on Instacart and it'll be like 30% off of $100 just off the top and And I'm already saving like a ton of money.

The name of a supermarket. Yeah. Yeah. They have like good meat and vegetables there, but they're like, their whole model is like bare bones. They bare bones, like essentials. Like you can go there, anything you want to cook. Like if it's a great place to go if you're cooking at home, but it doesn't have all those nonsense aisles you get at regular grocery stores. And so if anything, it's better because I would have a hard time impulse buying snacks at Aldi. Whereas if I go to like a normal grocery store, there's a million aisles full of nonsense that I'm going to end up walking through and get something I shouldn't be eating.

Aldi is closer to like a vegetable market sometimes. Like when you go in there, everything's kind of just on the floor and against the wall and stuff you gotta put a quarter on the floor yeah i have a closet like that well it's a dirt floor in there so it's not a big deal um and you know you gotta put a quarter in the car do they push it up against the sides like i do yeah you know what i see online those assholes who 3d print a thing so they don't have to pay the quarter to get the card at aldi. And I got to say, I hate that so much. What the fuck are you doing? Do you get the quarter back?

You get the quarterback. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm just loaning a quarter for the card. It's basically they're keeping people from stealing their cards. Wait, they give you the quarter back even? Yeah, you plug the quarter in and then it unlocks the cart and then you push your cart around. And then when you push the cart back into the slot, then it pops the quarter out and then you go to your.

So then who gives a shit? If he gives you the quarterback, who gives a shit? Yeah, exactly. They're basically saying, if you put your cart away rather than me hiring someone to put your cart away, you can have your quarterback Yes, and it seems to work. I never see any carts So they just plug it in there and then they leave their cart wherever because they don't like you're not getting a quarterback

Well, I hate that put your fucking cart back. You should put your cart back Even if there's not a quarter to be returned to you. I know a guy who everybody put your car For the subways, I a slug guy? You make slugs for the subways. I don't know what that means. A slug is a name of a fake quarter. Yeah. It's a Kramer quote. I know a guy who gets you slugs for the subways.

Just like a hard piece of iron. They're coin shaped chunks of metal that are made to like, you know, get things that quarters normally buy. They come from a time where a quarter was a little bit of money. I used to find them. I used to find them all the time. When I was a kid, I'd find them like, because for some reason, I was a kid, I'd look for change. I guess I don't know if every kid did this,

but I always did. I'd look for change like in the fucking arcades or like on the curb or whatever. And you would find these things, but they were they would look like quarters, but they were blank. That's all they were. So they were they were just literally just a cylinder or i guess a circle of uh of metal and a disc yeah you could supposedly use them for anything they never worked they never worked at the arcade they never worked when i needed them to work like if i go to the grocery store and you know like go to those little get those like little plastic toys from a dispenser you drop them in that they never worked but i would find them and be like, Oh, cool. Like, it's

great. Like, I don't have to spend any money or whatever. And it didn't. You know, the candy machines that have that wind up thing, you put your order in and then you can I think in those there's they make slugs that you retrieve back. I think there's a way to put your coin in there, get your candy and then you take it back. That's what I was that's what I was saying is that because I was like, I thought when you were talking about all the I thought you're talking about people would just tie a string to a quarter and then like

Put it into the arcade and then just pull it out and then use it again and pull it out and use it like over and over Yeah, Homer does that at work. Oh Yeah Yeah, or he's like putting it in Getting his quarterback robbing his robbing. Yeah. Or he's like putting it in. His quarterback, robbing his robbing Mr. Burns. We also heard, I don't know if you guys remember the, if you took a dollar and supposedly tore it in exactly the right spot and just put a tiny little tear in there, if you put a dollar in, the machine would take it, give you the credit and then spit the dollar back out.

I never heard this. I could, I could never get it to work, but it was one of those things that I had always heard. If you tore it just a little bit, the machine would take it, give you credit, and then be like, oh wait, the dollar's. I'm sure this predates that, but it sounds like the making of a viral TikTok video. Like guys, I have a life hack.

I don't know. Watch this, and they use a special pen. Like, yeah. We didn't do that, but I would always, I would rob the candy machines at work. I would do that. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago about robbing the soda machine.

I would also rob the candy machines. I would take those too. Yeah. How do you rob them? Well, the back plate is just this thin piece of sheet metal. And if you prize it away a little bit, then the coins just sort of fall out the back.

So what I did was, when nobody was looking, I prized it out a little bit. And then I would just throughout the day, walk by and act like I was getting some candy and just shake the shit out of the machine. And like, you know, a dollar fallout. And I'd be like, ah, look at that, a dollar fell out. I'm like, huh, weird.

And I'd just walk away with my dollar. And I just repeated that process until I took all the money out of the candy machine. Nicely done. Yeah. Yeah. It was, I remember there was one, also there's another thing too.

When you were a kid, these were like TikTok hacks, but when I was 12 or whatever, in the late or I guess the early 90s, you supposedly, if you pressed the right combination of buttons on a soda machine, it would give you a free soda. And I remember this happened to me once and only once. They were like, if you press all the buttons, like, all the way down starting at the top, go all the way down and then press two of

them at the same time, it would spit out a soda for free. And I was like, I've tried on everything I tried on all that even never worked never worked. And then one day, I tried the combination pressed at the same time and a soda came out and I was like, what the fuck, like it blew my mind. And I tried it for three more years after that. Could never get it to work, but it only worked the one time. And I was like, now that I think back, I'm like, somebody probably put in the money. That's probably what it was. I think they do have like a VIP mode and the idea is like you have it in a place where maybe the boss gets free sodas but everybody else has to pay or maybe where like the employees

would have a code and so there's a that can be put in like a like a mode where there is a button code to press to get free soda. Oh okay that makes way makes way more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But I've never known it to be a thing though. You know what I mean? Like I've never been anywhere where they gave us free soda. Even at work, they charged us for fucking soda. Yeah, no, of course.

This was, I just, again, I think I just tried it once that like, I don't think it was my high school. I think it was like some random school I was at that wasn't the school I went to. And it just, and it worked. And I was like, oh, I watched I watched I watched Moneyball the other day and I can't remember who they traded for they got some some new player to come to Oakland and he's like no no no free soda and the in the locker rooms I get paid

six million dollars a year and I I gotta pay you a dollar for every Pepsi? It's like yeah, Oakland's a different kind of team. Then I heard like Justice maybe it was David Justice, former Atlanta catcher. He'd made the rounds. He'd been in Baltimore. I think for a while his knees were gone. It was David Justice. Yeah, he was getting he was one of the more high paid players on their whole roster. I think probably six.

You know, they didn't pay it though, right? Why didn't they pay it? Oh, because the way the trade worked. Oh, the New York numbers. Like the other team was paying like two thirds of his salary and Oakland got him by paying the remaining third. And there was a big thing Brad Pitt's character was like,

they're paying two thirds of your salary for you to leave the team. That's what they think of you. Let's just be straight here with each other and honest. You're really here to teach the other players how to be winners, something like that. That was a good scene with Brad Pitt and the David Justice character.

Yeah, because that was the situation. New York, I think it was needed probably roster space. you know, we only have so many players so they paid him to leave or pay part of his contract off to get him out But yeah, they didn't have free soda and then I heard just yesterday that the Oakland A's you may not know this last season Was rough for the A's There's a lot of rumors. They're gonna be sold and go to Vegas and I think the ownership that's the turn now is pro that and like the The fans are out there, you know wearing their Oakland A's Shit in the stands and the tickets they paid for

Boohing and just shitting on them like like like what are you doing? Well, they can't get the Vegas thing poppin I guess yet. Maybe they're still getting that funding rolling or whatever. They're playing in Sacramento in a triple A field. That's the Giants triple A field. Can they fill it? Humiliating. That's pretty. I'm sure they can fill that one. I like. I'm not sure.

Yeah, I don't know. I was talking to Chiz about that. These are not a great franchise franchise or is that wrong? They've had good years and bad years. They're a smaller franchise. They don't have nearly the money everybody else does. They haven't, not for the American leagues especially, or at least traditionally. Did you ever watch that movie Moneyball about them? I have. That's why I thought they, that's all that I know. I was like, oh, they're like kind of a loser franchise historically. And so they made a whole movie about them not winning the, the

championship. Well, they made a movie about them going from dead last place to first place while winning over 20 games in a row, which is still the American league record, I believe, using a completely new way of visualizing the games as, as, you know, runs and hits versus big names and, and, and stars and stuff. Like, like money balling became a, a, a phrase, you know, they coined a thing, like they money balling went to everything after that. And who deserves the credit?

And I don't know the actual names, but like, was it Jonah Hill's character, Brad Pitt's character did real life have a direct mapping of those characters? I don't know. Definitely a mix. Jonah Hill was the impetus of it. But then you also needed, because if he, if Jonah Hill's character would have went to the GM of the Yankees and been like, I've got an idea. He would have been like, fuck you, I'm going to buy all the best players and you can take your little rinky dink horse shit elsewhere. So he needed a struggling GM that was with an open mind who was willing to risk his job and career, which is who also could persuade the president to

follow his idea. Yeah. The president of the club, the end of that movie is a bummer. You may not remember, but at the end of that movie, the Boston Red Sox invite Brad Pitt's character, Brad Pitt's GM of the A's who just had went on the crazy run, but not won it all or anything. And he offers Brad Pitt to be the highest paid general manager in all of baseball. He says, here at the Boston Red Sox, we're going somewhere and we want you to be the one that takes us there. And he decides to not take the money and to stay with the

A's the Red Sox that was 2003 you may not know this Well 2004 was why I love baseball 2004 is playoffs. I think it was that here. It was when the Red Sox came back against the Yankees They beat the Yankees that year, right? Yeah. It was incredible. It was incredible when they came back and beat the Yankees. They were down multiple games. So was the moral of your story that the Red Sox dodged a bullet by nearly hiring Billy Mays or whatever his name was?

I mean, Mays, no. Billy Mays here to revolutionize the way we do baseball. It was just that Billy Mays fumbled the bag so hard. His name wasn't Billy Mays. Billy Mays like fumbled the bag so hard like His name wasn't Billy Mays Billy Mays was the fucking I know it's oxy clean guy, but Billy Mays here with a brand new TV offer. Yeah, that's Billy Beane Billy. Mays was also somebody I think awesome baseball name Is the baseball guy yeah, no he fumbled the bag They offered him tens of millions of dollars to come GM for a premier baseball team and the Red Sox like what a dream job

Out of his small market team to a major market team going right up against the Yankees Oh, that would have been a dream job and it's the year before they like began their success. That was that Johnny Damon David Ortiz Year, that was the year that they did the thing. That was the bloody sock. That was the year. It was crazy. What amazing playoffs. I wonder how much,

like at what point does more money stop helping you? Like, so you say you fumbled the bag, right? I'm like, did this, did that finish his career with like 75 million and it could have been 250 million. Cause if that's the case, he might be like, you know what? I think I live a better life at 75 million than it could have been 250 million. Cause if that's the case, he might be like, you know what? I think I live a better life at 75 million than in Boston.

I don't think he ended up in the poor house or anything, but he was going from the smallest market to the biggest. And they even said like, this will make you the highest paid general manager and all of major league baseball. So it's some real fuck you kind of money that they're offering. And he turned it down because and that you know, when he was a kid, he chose to try to be a pro because he was promised, you know, the the sky by a scout rather than finish

college where he had a lot of potential there as well. So you know, it's what do you bring up an interesting point though, because like, with like, I understand what Kyle's saying. But you were like, it's interesting that he didn't move, make that move. I've talked to a lot of people in my life that have done this, where like, they're, they're like, gonna go for a promotion, or like somebody offers them a better job or bigger job or more money or whatever. And they're always like, nah, I'm content with what I'm where I'm at. And like, they're just chilling. They're not even like, it's not like they're rich or anything. They're, you know, they're making $20 an hour or whatever, and they've got a super normal life. And, and they don't want to, they don't want more responsibility. They don't want more money. They don't want anything, anything like that at all.

And it's such an interesting mindset that I have. I don't know, I have trouble thinking about, but it's more of like, I wonder what causes them to feel content. You know, like, well, what, or maybe they're scared, or I don't know, who knows, you know. I look at some of the really hard working people in content creation and wonder what drives them, right? Like, yeah, just grab your favorite Twitch streamer

who's online for 40 to 60 hours a week or whatever it is. That guy's making millions of dollars a year. What drives him? I get it, he's striking while the iron is hot. He probably sees that he's not gonna be the biggest guy on Twitch in 2035. Okay. On the other hand, it's like,

you've got $14 million in the bank. Why do you wake up and play a game you don't like anymore all the time? Why don't you buy your freedom? I think Summit's that guy. I think he has a plan to retire. I think maybe I've heard him say that before, but it'll be three in the morning

and he's streaming PUBG on YouTube, man. He'll be four in the morning. He's streaming DayZ on YouTube like he's grinding. I was in a landmark stream years ago where he mentioned that Summit was an inspiration for him, where that guy is grinding, like, rising grind, working, working, working, even though he's uber successful. And now you could argue Landmark's that guy too. He's still working a lot of hours and doing really well.

Yeah, it's a summit's always just always. And he's so good at those games. I love to watch how good he can be at all of the games. He, he's, I kind of think- It's mostly shooters he plays, right? It's anything. It's anything he fucking puts his hands on. He played Sea of Thieves and blew up Sea of Thieves

because he was so good at it. He changed the meta of Sea of Thieves and they patched it. And then he made a new meta. Yeah. Like he got, he bullied the Sea of Thieves servers into almost non-existence. He ran all the fucking land lovers out of the ocean. Good for him. I can't remember how many it was, but you could have like eight

boats in a server or something. And so they would have these servers where they'd get eight boats where we all agree to not bite and we just farm XP or treasure or whatever. And so he would invade those servers. It's a game about pirates. You can't have an agreement. And he shows up with like three fucking killers. They're all, all four of them are elite, like PvP masters at this obscure game. And so any one of them can 1v4 the entire other team. And he literally will. It looks like juggling when he plays sometimes because he's juggling three enemies at the same time with his movement and with his actions and stuff.

He's jumping off the boat continuously in the fight, swimming under the water, eating fruit to like heal up and then coming up the other ladder and like putting a three move combo, insta-killing a guy and then he's back in the water again, healing. Dude, I'd be so pissed if I were just some guy who bought this game and was like i'm gonna play like sim city and just build A neat boat. Oh, it's a it's like a community game almost at times for some people because they play with open microphones in the world on xbox He's on a ten thousand dollar pc with the skills of a csgo god

That's right, It's like totally. Yeah, there's some like 14 year old who's like up past bedtime trying to be quiet. He can communicate effectively with his fellow players. Yeah, sure. Great. Great. It is cool to watch. The one thing I like is watching amazing gamers learn a new game. It happened to me recently in this game, my man I'm watching this guy, Bushy.

Bushy's one of the best Souls players on the planet. And I have like 30 hours in this game over the course of three days. He's already passed where I am. But more impressively than that, like he's figured out the meta faster than I did. Like in his four hours in, he knew more than I did. When you watch him play, is it like so different

from the way you play that it looks like a different game? Because I find that sometimes I like to play games blind and then go to the pros sometimes and kind of learn in reverse a little bit because I've already got some stuff. I build on the bones that I've learned already with their information and I'll be like, oh shit, I don't even know how to play this fucking game. it's like I've been wearing a glove at the basketball game this

whole time at first like I was that guy who knew how to play it like in this game your regular attacks don't do that much damage you really they're kind of just a way to prep your real super combos and uh I'm watching him take his previous lived experience and just do like charged R2s and uh, but you watch him today and all of a sudden it's this confusing mess of blood and savagery and I'm like, ah, no, I watched my speed run Baldur's gate in three and a half minutes the other day. What's the point of that?

That's great, right? I love it. It's not a glitch. It's just it's it's all built into the game. It's just abusing game mechanics and killing off. When you kill off enough characters to fuck up the story, then it has like. Well, if this person's dead, then this person fills in. If that person's dead, then this person fills in. If you just you do it a certain way, there's nobody to fill in. So it just skips you forward to like

story events that you continually skip through. I'm just killing everyone until the game says, fuck you, whatever, it's over. Kind of. But I'm watching those people. I'm like, this is not how I play. Or even when I watch them. Oh, no, it's just killing your own. It's killing your own guys. It's just making it so there's nobody to play the game basically. I'll do that watching, because I watch like pro AOE2 tournaments, which is an RTS, I'm sure you know Bruce. And at the end of the game they use to let the commentators cast and spectate the game has like a little stat sheet that comes up when it's over. And I'll see them doing stuff and I'll be like wow that's an impressive micro and he's also

balancing this and that and that but I bet I could figure this out if I like put my head to it and then it's like someone resigns and the games over and the panel comes up and it shows like oh average actions per minute 149 okay I don't think I could do that I don't know I don't think that's in the cards for me actually that I could make that all raw don't think that's in the cards for me actually that I could make that all raw. Is there no macros? Is there no like hyper clicking? Macro. They have EAPM, which is effective actions per minute that weed out repeated clicking and that'll be like well over 100. But macros are illegal. And that's not just an age of empires thing. Every RTS,

Starcraft, like they you can't use macros. That's cheating. What you guys are just what you guys are describing is something that has happened to me where you I had to play against a speed runner in a game. I don't know if you guys have ever done that before. No, but like, I had to competitively play against a professional speed runner. Good luck. It was and it was like it was funny because it wasn't it wasn't like, Oh, watch this amateur gamer play against a speed runner and like, watch him get beat. It was and it was like it was funny because it wasn't it wasn't like oh watch this amateur gamer play against a speed runner and like watch him get beat it was more of like Bruce you have to compete and try and win and I was like what the like what the fuck are you crazy this is it was it was in an olympics game thank god so it wasn't like a this really you know

overdone like a dark souls or an aoe or whatever. It was just an Olympics game. And I remember there were a couple times I almost had it. Like I was like pretty close because we both had not spent too much time playing. And then the last game I had played against was this rock climbing game. And this he was a fantastic speed runner for Diablo. And he was the rock climbing event in this Olympics game. And he had had a few days to practice and I had not. And it was like, cause I practiced, I sat down, I was like, oh, I gotta give it a few hours and I gave it like two or three hours. He, we start the rock climbing that's like side by side.

And it's like, basically your little character grabs these things and you sort of see where each other's progress is as you're going up. He, I think he quadrupled maybe five or six times my time. He like shot up the wall and I was like, I had, I didn't even know how I did it. I was like, I was like, this is, and I remember the next, cause they were like, okay, Bruce, well, in order to beat him, like to win the tournament, cause it was literally for the tournament. And I was like, he was like, in order to beat him, you got to get this time. And I was like, I just gave up. I was were like, okay, Bruce, well, in order to beat him, like to win the tournament, because it was literally for the tournament. And I was like, he's like, in order to beat him, you got to get this time. And I was like, I just gave up. I was just like, I put the controller down. I was like, I can't, I can't beat him. There's no, yeah, I was like, there's no point

in me even trying to do this. It will only be humiliation because this guy has, he's, he knows what he's doing. And he's been doing it for years. Yeah. We have not a speed bar. He's, he's, knows what he's doing and he's been doing it for years. Yeah He's you're like thinking it through and he's like in a muscle memory loop. Yeah. Yeah, exactly What did you sound familiar to you? The scenario he's describing is this is pique plays in a nutshell We would we would uh, chis would pick a new game for us to play every week. And then like, he might say that he didn't, but it really seemed like he'd been sharpening up.

And I mean, we were playing Smith because he had speed runners where there's like everybody's it's a, it's a multi it's a multiplayer platformer where everyone's on the screen at the same time and we're all trying to like run through the same platform together. Uh, I remember that one in particular, he just beat our shit in. Yeah. on the screen at the same time. And we're all trying to like run through the same platform together. I remember that one in particular. He just beat our shit in. Yeah.

And then it could be he practiced. He's also really good at games. He is really good at games. Yeah. I did the most 200 IQ gaming move of my career. He's got like a million, what's that? I did the most 200 IQ gaming move of my career. It's not impressive.

It's just genius. My hands from live streaming are exhausted. I'm always massaging them. I had this one 10 and a half hour stream that particularly wore me down. So I broke out the foot pedals and map one to W so I can fucking casually run. Just putting my foot on the pedal. I'm proud of myself. Now you can just lean back, have some coke, and you're still jogging. I tell everybody foot pedals are a must have PC gaming accessory. Map it to something. Get two pedals down there and map them to something.

Get it off your keyboard, especially for Tarkov. Can I have my feet in the same position the whole time I'm gaming. No, you don't. They wiggle around everywhere. You can put them anywhere. It slides easily, but I... Each one is its own pedal with a wire that goes to the PC. There's software to make it any key you want.

Yeah, but I got the Jimmy legs. Really engaging. Then move it to where you want to go. But if you played a game that didn't take so much attention to 100% of the time, then you might think like want to go to a game that didn't take so much attention to my tone percent of the time. Uh huh. Then you might think like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. We're, you know, I, I need to lock in right now and then your feet are in position. And then the other 80% of the time you're not so locked in. You're just,

so I use it for Tarkov for my, for leaning. Normally you'd use what Q and E, right? Yes. I can't do that while was the jiggling and like, like doing some of the other techniques and Tarkov debate shots. I don't think anyone can. I know, I know. The most of like the really good players, landmark people like that, they've remapped their whole keyboard in funky ways to make that happen. I just put lean on.

But pedal pedal. Mind my own. It'll leans right left left. We have the same mouse but the scroll wheel you can tip it sideways. That's my oh yeah. Yeah that's right. Well Kyle you also make PC game like don't you use your hand on like the home row. Yeah. Like just like you were typing. This goes on. Yes. So that's so fucked up. I would hate that. It's no different. It's no different than what you're doing.

It's just shifting everything to a little bit to the right. Yeah, it's more- That's weird to me. Well, I understand the fundamentals of the hand placement. There's a baseball player who holds the bat in his mouth. I'm like, it's always the same principle.

No, it's so different. It's weird to me that you would have two different hand positions for the two things that a keyboard does. It types and it games. Those are the two functions. And you're like, oh no, when you hit somebody with a guitar, you hold it like this. No, no bullshit. This is how you play a guitar. So when I learned to type with this on, I'm like, oh no.

No, that's different. You wouldn't hit someone with a guitar like this. That's exactly why you hit. How are you going to play while you hit them then Taylor? I know that's a bad. I don't know. But I do know that I am a faster typist than you and apparently the whole discord. Oh, the whole discord. Yeah. Yeah. We play a play a game that involves type and fast and Taylor is the best at it. So we actually, we used to play a game that involved typing, but Taylor was the best at it. So now we don't play that game anymore. No, we don't play that game anymore ever again Dude, there's like 25 people in the discord and the same person won every game. It's kind of horseshit

It's fair He types 140 words a minute or something stupid i'm over here I kind of like 80 vocabulary like spelling, vocabulary and typing. Jesus Christ. Why don't we make a game about paramotoring and swimming and something? It's just bite force. Or a bike strength game. We're all going to bike force training. It was nonsense. But no, that's how I hold my hand when I game.

Nobody taught me any other way. And, you know, it doesn't get in the way of anything. I don't like how your position is so ring finger dominant. I like having my middle finger kind of as the, the in-charge finger on W and S. My middle finger collapses though when I extend it. That's wild. It's even better to let my ring finger take over. Yeah, he does ASDF like with the thumb on the space bar.

Pinky on A, right? Yeah, actually I usually keep my pinky around on shift. Yeah. My index finger is on F and then, you know, S and D, obviously for the two in the middle. And then as I, you know, obviously my thumb is on my space bar and as I need to, I bring my thumb over for left alt all the time like that's really convenient and I use TG and B and

sometimes H with my left hand and Y with my left hand like like I'm using all those as keys in sometimes too I just don't use left control very much because it's awkward to get to yeah I was here to my hand for left. Yeah. Yeah. I have to lay my hand kind of like that. And yeah, so I've never, I've never done that. That controls often sprint, I think. So I just hold that while I hit W. Because like I was curious about your shift, Kyle, because like the, if, if, if pinky is A, but it sounds like you're not pressing A very often. So you're not as A, you're turning left, I guess. Would A be turning left? You're not turning left very often. I'm not strafing left. I'm not strafing left a lot, I guess. But yeah, not while shifting. Right, right.

That's the thing. So but but when I'm when I am strafing, it's just that that's super easy to I don't I feel there's no handicaps only pluses from this. I have more access to the meaty part of the keyboard by doing this. You do you do have that? That's absolutely true. I change all my hotkeys in every game to be as close to the ASDF as possible. Like while I was game, I need to touch that nub that's on F with my finger to know that my hand is in the correct position.

Right. That's right. I wouldn't lie. I tried doing the like hand push on Left control. I don't know how I would do that without also accidentally hitting the window another button. Yeah, it's like the windows keys Look, it's it's my least used key for that reason I usually remap it and make it, you know VB GTR or something like that or I you know, I've got lots of buttons on my mouse and I've got the fucking foot pedal. So I never, I never lack for buttons. I bring the pinky way back for left control when I'm gaming. If that's what I have to hit,

I feel like that's the most utilitarian way to do it. My pinkies on shift or then controls right below shifts. That that one's pretty easy. If you're, if you're doing that. Yeah. Do you guys think, uh, we've talked about chess before, like the way it's respected as this game, as it should be really difficult, a million zillion possibilities. Can you see a world where like another game gets to that level of esteem, like a traditional video game finds its way to that? No. I don't, I don't either, but it seems like a cool, imagine, I don't I don't either, but it seems like a cool imagining. I don't know what it would be. It would probably also be some hyper strategic turn based game, but

it would have to be. It would have to be a game that wasn't owned by a corporation. Go. It would have to be a like its own independent game that was made by a person. Let's go. Yeah. You know, it would have to be it would have to be very strategic. Lots of possibilities. Go not no, not no not yes. Yes. Go. No, it would yes. Go go

What is go? Go is one of the world's most popular games. It is a chinese board game that involves strategy Is it a video game? It is a chinese board game In origin. Oh, well, I was, is it chess more ancient than chess? I mean, probably if you're a Chinese, it looks like it looks infinitely more complex than chess, but then cause chess is kind of restrained to that square board of files.

Um, but I don't, I don't know. This is also just a square board of tiles, but only with one type of piece on either side. Look how many tiles there are. So? That doesn't necessarily mean more complexity. That is the multiple! Of course it means there's more complexity! No, no, no, no, no, because the multiple would also, if each of those different orbs had different functions, then... You're telling me this looks... If you had to guess, 20 bucks on it, do you think that this game is less complex, as complex, more complex than traditional chess? This game we're looking at here with dozens and dozens of pieces. I would have to know what the function is. I assume none of these pieces can do anything different than any other ones. And so if that's the case, then chess is far more

complex. That's the that's the interesting thing is at first I'm Kyle, I'm with you. I'm being like, oh, more complex the grid. But then you think about it, is it just like checkers? There's only there's only one piece, right? There's the white and black. So then what do those pieces do if it's if it's checkers is just jump or move forward? And yeah, compare. Meanwhile, right. Just the exponents of how much you can do. No, you're going from an eight by eight board to it's not about the board size. I think it is about the board size.

Why it's not just well, it's not just about the board size. It's about what the pieces are capable of doing within the board. It is. It's a much. Oh, Zach, look at here. Yes, Go is generally considered much more complex than chess due to its larger board and its more possible positions, as well as a greater emphasis on strategic nuance

and territory control. Written by the company that makes Go. Yeah, wait, Zach, is this AI? Did you ask a leading question? Cause I can get it to tell me anything right now if I ask a leading question. Ah, okay. Then no information can be fact-checked now, ladies and gentlemen. You asked it. Okay. Well, there you go. No, but do you not see what I mean in that? Yeah. Google AI. There it is. Yeah. I knew it was AI.

Okay. So it was an AI answer. It was obvious because it was so specific in like, you can ask it anything. You can ask it anything and it'll elucidate whatever else answer and Google's AI were the same. Yes both retarded. Yeah Do you think about it like every piece on the chessboard once you read what chess.com says about go you read it Allowed. No. Is that from chess.com? Go, according to chess.com, is infinitely more complex than chess and entirely unsolvable. Computers cannot really beat human players in Go, and it's unlikely that they ever will.

It's computers. Computers get it and they're like, this is gay, will not play. Yeah, that sounds like computers to me. That is what we believe. That homo Kyle on the big A podcast likes it. No, this game is stupid. I don't like it. And it's not. And it's not. And it's literally not because I just found out it existed right now. It's not because of that. Why? Because it's not because it ruins the whole point I was making. Why do you hate it documentary? I watched last year. Yeah. Go a video 4000 years in the making. And this guy looks stressed out trying to learn to play Go. Yeah. Well, I don't like it.

When you watch them play, it's very interesting. They're like grabbing the stones and they play very fast. Or at least I've seen people play very fast. I'm probably like chess in that there are different formats. I think it's really cool that Go can't be... In that like Scrabble is wildly. Okay. Can't be solved either. Uh, we had, um, um, is it Greg Polk? Doug Polk, we had Doug Polk, the poker pro on last week. And he was telling us that the poker is also an unsolvable game. That's so cool. I love, I love, I just love that computers can't solve it

because like people, people think nowadays that computers can do everything. They're wrong. But it's one of those things that I like that just right away we can come up with a couple examples that are unsolvable and that computers can't beat humans at. It's going to ruin it when they can't solve it in three years. It's going to ruin it. We'll see. I'm more afraid of the machines going to war against us. We were talking about that politician in her flamethrower video earlier, and I was like, what flamethrower is that? I was looking at my old flamethrower contacts, websites and such.

They've expanded. They don't just sell flamethrowers now. They'll sell you that dog robot with one on it They'll sell you a flamethrower that goes on to your drone and this is all just over the internet to your house This isn't do D dot org. This isn't some this isn't some like Somali weapons bizarre. This is go to their website and order a flamethrower drone Like a robotic that's pretty sick. What's the website, hold on. What's the website?

Yeah. I wanna go check it out. Flame. I wanna see how much they are. Is it just like prohibitively expensive where it's like you can get this too for $12,800? Is it throw flame? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I've worked with both companies, but these guys have the best shit. These guys have really good shit. So the first thing they say, there's a little waiver that you immediately click if you're going to buy this that says, I understand that this purchase did not give me the right to operate a drone or unmanned aircraft system with the TF 19 wasp.

Right. Exactly. Not for terrorism. It's just for looking at. The only person who can stop you is another guy with a dog flamethrower. And I don't think there's many of them out there yet. So I think I'm gonna be a first adopter. Those flamethrowers are great. I tell you every year when you're shoveling the snow in your driveway, you need to get

one of these bad boys. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. No, it takes, I watched some science video where they were like, wouldn't it be great to have a flamethrower to fix your driveway? And I was like, yes. And they're like, it's actually retarded because it takes so much energy to melt the water.

They'd be out there all day, even longer than shoveling. And I'm like, if it's not workable, don't even make the video, man. If there's no way to do it. I'd be more worried about like the residue that was getting on your driveway from the fuel, like not all of it burns up, especially if you're aiming down and close. So you'd be spraying diesel fuel all over the ground and that'd be that'd be on your asphalt or your concrete and that'd be leaching into the sewers and stuff. It'd be bad for all that. But I, I mean, I get the thermodynamics behind the idea, but it still seems like a flame thrower would melt a good bit of driveway snow.

I still say it took too long to do it. And Hey, if you have the dog out there, then who cares? Right? You're inside, chill watching TV. You got your dog flame thrower drone out there clearing the drive for you. So it takes a little longer. inside chill watching TV. You got your dog flamethrower drone out there clearing the drive for you. Now that's an idea. It takes a little longer. Kyle already knows the answer to this,

but can you guys guess how much the robot dog flamethrower is? Nine. This is a website where you can buy one by the way. Yeah. I'm gonna guess the dog is 12,500. Okay. I'm gonna say 9,999. They're trying to sell. It's $9,420.

I busted. Just under 10,000, which honestly is not that bad, I guess. 420 blazes. It's probably like a, like a Jaguar where it has a bunch of electrical problems. It's expensive to fix. Who sells it? It's not at all. This is the same company that I use for flamethrowers.

They I've got I had the backpack model like the big one. I thought it was going to be Tesla. I think the robot, the flamethrower got Tesla energy. Tesla. He's got those little ones, the little flame throwers, right? Maybe you maybe you can crank them up big, but the videos I've seen of them, they don't shoot very far. They're not flame throwers. Technically.

They look like flame throwers to me and they're shaped like flame throwers, but technically they're like for melting tar. And he just repackaged them as a flame thrower and sold them for $10,000. I don't think he sold them for that much. No, they were like, there was like two grand. We bought one. Okay. Okay. Was it fun, Bruce? Like it was fun. It was fun. And that's what you're going for. Really? I think I made fun of his in my videos because I did the backpack model from throw flame. And I think I did like a handheld model from a different company that has this standalone Electric gasoline flame thrower that you can just hold in your hand

I even had like, you know How World War two fighter planes would have like a like a monster like teeth toothy grant on the on the nose It had that like sharp teeth and stuff on it but the backpack thing is I Mean, you've got four gallons of napalm on your back pressurized by co2 like sharp teeth and stuff on it. But the backpack thing is, I mean, you've got four gallons of napalm on your back, pressurized by CO2 and a fucking, the wand you use is taken right out of a car wash.

It was 500, could it have been 500, Bruce? Cause I Googled it. Yeah, no, it was cheap. Like I said, we bought this in like whenever it was 2016, 2017, something like that. Zach checked it, he said it was cheap. I like I said this we bought this in like whenever was 2016 2017 So I thought Zach checked it. He said 500. Okay. Yeah. Yeah It's probably worth 500 the the other ones 900 the one that's like Elan's but just way better and then the backpack models are like 1500 bucks or something And and the backpack flamethrower is like a Vietnam style flamethrower. Like you are.

It's huge. It's massive. I'm looking at pictures right now. I push backwards when you shoot it. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Really? Yes. So do you think pressure washer? I'm like a pressure washer. So a girl could do it. Yes. But it's one of those things like a machine gun, where you wanna have a big talk beforehand about, look, when you pull the trigger on this thing, it's gonna feel like you just opened a hot oven in your face.

And your first impulse might be to drop the wand, run away, spin, turn away. You can't do any of that, because you're holding a napalm cannon in your hand, so we're just gonna deal with it. You know what I mean? Like it's a scary thing to see someone else use because you know that they can light you on fire anytime they want and they might explode. The first time I ever filmed with one it was from Vietnam and Dangerous Bob was the guy operating it. It was his flamethrower.

He's notorious in kind of the firearms explosives community. He's called Dangerous Bob for a reason. He's missing fingers. And just the tips. And he was trying to get his flamethrower to work. And it's pressurized diesel fuel on his back, several gallons of it. And he's shooting the wand and it's just spraying the fuel in the air. And it's a hot muggy day. Like I can't explain to you how hot and muggy and thick the air already was. So that diesel fuel just filled the air

and just stayed there. And in the sunlight, you could see he's enveloped in a giant cloud of diesel vapor and doing his best to ignite it. Like click, click, click, click. It won't light. And I was like, Scott, Scott, film this. He's about to die. I believe he was about to die. But then I strapped it on my back and did, you know, filmed with it. That's the one that burnt me. That's the one that set me on fire. It dripped napalm on me because the wand was defective.

The one I use later on was from that company. That's on video, right? Didn't you like shake it off? Yeah Yeah, the ones from that company don't drip though there and and you use pressurized diesel So they burn pretty fucking clean and they're cheapest shit to use because they use a 20 ounce co2 Like paintball guns do to fuel the thing. So it's a cheap Weapon of mass destruction that you can have delivered to your house. That also is...

Well, no registration. Mass destruction? I don't know. I mean, you could do some pretty good damage. They're saying that's like a powered by a propane tank and CO2. In the same way like a match is a weapon of mass destruction. Because it's like the post-burning that's going to fuck you up, right? You see my video, motherfucker?

When he says weapon of mass destruction, he means this. I don't remember the video, Kyle. I'm sorry. destruction because like it's like the post burning that's gonna fuck you up right? You see my video motherfucker? I don't remember the video Kyle, I'm sorry. He means that everything you burn will weigh less afterwards. Oh okay. I've always been afraid that someone would use a flamethrower as a terrorist weapon somehow because they're so easy to get. Against anyone, anywhere. You would fear it against you,

because like if you had, dude, if you were all burned up with no lips, you would, well, you'd probably end it all, because you've said like losing three fingers is enough for you to kill yourself. Three, three. Only three? Yeah. Yeah.

I could deal with, I could work like this, but you're taking any more than that, I can't game. He's shockingly vain. So you can't kill, wait, I could deal with I could work like this, but you take any more than that. I can't game He's shockingly vain so you can't wait. Hold on. You can't you can't play a game so then you kill yourself Yeah, yeah, I won't go on then right? I gotta get my I'm sorry. I'm surprised. He's lived through his inability to grow a beard Tootiveness to get through the awkward phase. I want no part of that. I don't want one anyway. They're itchy. Have you tried putting finasteride or minoxidil on your face? Have you tried that? We talked about doing a minoxidil beard one time. There were a lot of side effects.

Oh really? What were the side effects? It was like you get a, yeah, like it was like, it could be carcinogenic or like the thing I remember is it would cause, it could cause like severe red blotching, severe dry skin, like cracking and bleeding, and then some hormonal issues. Cause I mean, it is like doing some hormonal thing to your body. And so it could make it so you don't get erections anymore.

So like it throws something out of whack. And so like, I remember reading it, I spent like $80 on Amazon to get like an eight month supply. And then I texted Kyle afterward, and I was like, these are pretty troubled. The back of this container is pretty troubling. I don't know if we should do this. I don't think the juice is worth the squeeze for this. So I also have $80 worth of monoxidil in my bathroom. I still have it in my bathroom. I feel weird throwing it away. It's just like this is a brand new in the box product. It feels so shitty. It's like I can't think of anything more American. Like if you were to show some third world Indonesian peasant, then like the product that they made in his country and the thing that keeps their town probably running that I just threw it away and then you explain the cost of it is

probably like three weeks of his pay. I feel bad throwing it away. I think you should give it to someone who denies needing it. There's a gift. That would be so funny Greg robinson has a bit um on uh, I think you should leave that that sketch show where He has the cure for baldness And like he's approaching this guy at a third up like a party and he's like, hey, hey, I see you Bidding out up there. He's like, yeah. Yeah, what can you do? What can you do? I'll tell you what you do

Need a little glue mock glue mock. Yeah. Yeah, keep it down. Keep it down. See this? I was completely bald six months ago. Glue mock. Talk to your doctor. He's like, wow, great. And another bald guy approaches like, are you guys talking about it? Are you talking about it? He's like, nothing, nothing. Don't ever tell him. Don't ever tell him. I don't want him to know. That's why I wanted to be bald. He's like, yeah, but I already told him the name was Glucol. See, that's the thing. It's not called Glucol. That was a test. He just got this top secret cure to baldness and he's keeping it away from the guy spitefully.

That's what would happen if there was an actual cure for baldness. There is another cure for baldness that they like started. I think it's like these, they said it was a specific sugar they had found. It's like a sugar gel that they had been putting on mice to see if it would improve. And they're saying, they were saying,

maybe it's better than minoxidil or finasteride. If you wanted to try it on your beard, I don't think it's retail yet. I don't think they're selling it retail yet, but they're getting close to that. Yeah, yeah, so if you wanna try that sugar gel on there. Sugar gel, yeah. so if you want to try that sugar gel on there. Sugar gel, yeah. See if that takes off.

Sugar gel growth products are believed to work by stimulating the growth of new hair follicles and mice, both minoxidil and sugar gel, promoted 80 to 90% hair regrowth. Sugar gel could help hair follicles wake up and start growing hair again. They don't know that. I feel like this is written by the corn syrup industry. Yeah, they don't know yet. I just been reading that. Yeah, we call it sugar gel. It's made of 100% corn syrup. It's massaged the follicles, all these sticky headed men getting chased by wasps.

Yeah, but they look great running. Their hair is flowing in the wind as they dive into that pond, trying to avoid wasps, which apparently wasps are so sinister. They'll see you jump in a pond and they're like, just wait. Just hang out for a second. then when you're like The shit What I would remove from our planet if I could take one animal out it would be the wasp mosquito That you're saying to not go miss. Oh, you're right, but I hate the wasps more I don't if you could eliminate two insects you'd go mosquito wasps

Well, the mosquitoes I think are the number one killer of human beings like from the animal kingdom like the diseases they carry I think I think they you know, that's more than lions or tigers or bears. Pardon? I wonder if rats are number two. I think rat, it depends how- In older times, for sure, carrying those plague- I think it depends how like pedantic you wanna get, because I think the rats brought the black plague

because the like lice on them was carrying the fleice of the fleet. Yeah, something like that. And so it would be like they were just the vehicle that brought it into modernity. Or also correct me if I'm wrong, but mosquitoes are worthless. Right. They are literally worthless to our they are. They literally don't help anybody. It animal do anything. I thought they were a big food. I think they're not part of

Bats. No, no, no, not people like bats and other animals. I thought that they were not part of our You know, whatever. That's the the food cycle. We only need if they're not helping at all See, that's the thing people like no, no, no, don't hurt the bats. They eat the mosquitoes But if the mosquitoes are gone, we don't need the bats anymore. So then they don't have all that privilege That's so true Because a lot of bats need to, you know, get it together. Like there's a cave in Africa where two of the most deadly diseases came out of because of bats. I think like Ebola and like, I don't know, West Nile or something. Both came from the same cave.

Yeah. They know where it is because it's because General Fouchy was funding this cave. Game function research. Well, that all turned out to be true though. Well, that was true in Wuhan, but I don't think he's funding the Batcave in Africa. Who's to say? Who's to say with his now that he's pardoned, we'll never find out. We're just asking questions. Sorry. Since since somebody clicked the old auto pin button will never be able to know the truth,

Taylor. No, we'll never know. Well, actually, we'll know our the generation after us will know all that in like 2080 when there's no longer anyone alive to punish. And they'll like release some document or whether like, oh, guys, we beefed up again, or at least the people two generations behind us, but we purged them out, no big deal now. Like the way they always, like the JFK stuff, like they just hold onto it until everybody's dead,

and then they release it, and it's like, all right, well, what are we supposed to do with this? JFK thing was a nothing, right? It was like a nothing bomb. There was some stuff in there that was like, I get showed that I think in like the late 90s, they tried to release a ton of it and they still wanted to redact,

because I guess Israeli intelligence was somehow involved and they didn't want to admit Israeli intelligence was involved in it. But it seemed, and I'm no expert on it, but it seems like it was the CIA, Israeli intelligence, and then maybe using like the mob as legmen or something for it. I don't know. There's 80,000 documents. There's no way that anyone has like gone through it all and understood it. You know what I mean? Even if you had 50 people all in a room, each reading their own piece of it,

then they need to have a conversation. Did you see the pages where it was like the CIA has approved this for public release and it was like in the 90s? All information is allowed to go forward except what's within brackets. And the brackets were only around like Israeli intelligence, Israel. Like it was about keeping that part out of it because they thought it would be, I guess, politically disadvantageous for them to admit Israel was a part of it. Oh, well, a part of it. It is part of the assassination of JFK. Well, I mean, Israeli intelligence. I don't think there's any, I don't think there's any smoking gun anywhere in all those documents or they'd have found that. But I don't know why they wanted to remove the involvement.

You say the involvement of Assad, but like, what do you even mean? I think it was pre-Massad construction. So it just says like Israeli intelligence. So whatever the Israeli intelligence was in the 60s, because they obviously wanted like they had an incentive, they didn't want JFK around because he did want to force like institutions like APAC to register with Farah, which would identify them as foreign lobbying organizations. Yeah, I would have to look at the documents, but even then I wouldn't know what I'm talking about. Somewhat last week you were like, why are they still the one of the only four there? I think they're the only foreign lobby APAC that isn't forced to register as a foreign agent.

No, you hate agent. We know you hate them. You hate the Jays. We know. No, not the Jays. I love Harley. Oh, just the Hebrews. No, if there was... That's what you say, right? Not publicly, Kyle. No, it's because if there's a foreign country lobbying our country, you better fucking register and like because that's not cool. It's not cool. Like we're our own country. We deserve our own trying to get between good old some Americans and then some profits.

What I hear I hear some communists. I get to take the coppery taste of communism in my mouth when I hear those words coming out of your mouth. Taylor, I tell you what I. Yep. Yep. That's that's communism. All right. No, you're the pinko. Pinko is such a funny thing. Like calling someone a pinko. Like, how do we bring that back? That's so lighthearted way to make fun of someone. It wasn't back in the day.

They put you on a fucking blacklist and you wouldn't be able to do your job anymore if you didn't get sent to another country. It's fun now. Yeah. But nobody uses it. Isn't that how slurs go? When it's finally fun, they're out of style. Do you think that'll happen to the N-word?

Do you think eventually it'll just be... No, evergreen. Well well there will come a point. I mean, it doesn't feel like it's coming. All right, so here's what will happen first chronologically, Tay. Put these three events in chronological futuristic order. All right? Man lands back on the moon, okay.

That's soon, that's coming soon. Who's on the moon? What was the other thing I said? I I don't fucking know about the heaps. Bring in the N word back with the N word being like gender neutral, like like everybody's using it. You know, you've probably seen Hispanic start using it and like the last 50 starts, they've been using it for decades. Yeah. We're the only ones that can't have fun. More and more I see Cholo's dropping in bombs and they hit a very soft

like cholo like A okay and it's it's clear there's some love and like brotherhood in it and I feel like they they get they slide right by with that stuff. I think anyway that the N word being gender racial neutral or another Republican being president again. Oh, okay. Well, that's Republican being president again. That has to be first. And then I would say N-word normalization. And then I would say moon. Yeah. No, dude, I've been- They're working on the moon. We've been rug pulled on the moon. It's all they have. You think they're gonna let us take that too?

No. Well, it would be about us. It would be about us taking it back. We invented it. Did we invent it? Invent what? The N word. The N word.

Yeah. Oh. Did we come up with it? I would think, yeah. Because really that's a form of cultural appropriation on their behalf. Zach, ruin your Google searches real quick for me. Yeah. Don't do any research.

We're just, you know. It's free. Free. So I have a question for Kyle. Tip of the tongue. Okay. All right. All right.

So you've already established that certain Latino people can use the N word. Seemingly so. Which group is the next one to be granted N word access? I think I see some, I think that Arabs are, uh, are going to come in and style. I think you've got this, this certain class of like fancy Arab, like, like the baller Arab. All right. I'm thinking of it. So you're right. Yeah. It's just like Saudi Arabian or I'm thinking this says it. So you're right. Yeah, it does.

They like I'm thinking of Arabian or I'm talking about Arabs with like product in their hair and nice shirts. Yeah, have a little bit of oil money or at least they know somebody who does. They drop that shit all the time. Mm hmm. Yeah, they sound like me in traffic. That's funny. Yeah. I should have never let you people drive. No, I'm the true forging of the frontier.

There's no one who can't be called it in traffic. It's totally racially ambiguous. I'm a different kind of bad person. I think, all right, that person's a terrible driver. Let's guess gender and nationality. Kind of be Asian. This kind of bad driving that comes from Asian women, I bet.

It's always a woman. It's always a woman. If it's aggressive driving, it's almost always a man. Like it could be bad driving, but it's aggressive bad. If it's just drifting into the wrong fucking lane over and over because they're on the phone, or if it's stopping short, or if it's like you see their whole car rock, they don't know how to do the limo stop where you hit that brake so smoothly that your masters don't even know you know it's always a woman it's always a woman really that's why I thought self-driving cars were gonna be so great I thought that it would take the women out from behind the wheel again like Saudi Arabia that's my dream is to live in Saudi Arabia. They reverse that

That's why it's no longer my dream You see sand dunes behind me You live there just just for the road access Everybody's signaling People on the road old people on the are the are the worst possible drivers that that's true old people on the road. Old people are the worst possible drivers. That's true. It really has not like in Los Angeles, because I drive in Los Angeles, the most, I think the most problems I've ever seen are always someone who's like 75 years old and can't see. They're always like, they're like barely looking around. They're clearly very slow, clearly very old, probably

limited by a lot of movement or anything like that. It's usually old people. Yeah, it's, it's so interesting because I'm like, you know, like, oh, it's a woman or it's an aggressive manner where it's always an old person. And they're in big cars. Always every time they're in some giant Cadillac or like some huge suburban and they can barely see. It's just like you have to retake those tests at like 80 or whatever the rule is that they need to retake the test that this is this is a law that people have been trying to pass for a while Retake the test once a year when you pass like the age of 70 or something

So, you know my group, you know who votes They do phone than any other group that's true I see that a lot that's true too Yeah, are you occasionally see that a lot. That's true too. Yeah. Are you occasionally see like a young woman with like her foot out the window while she's driving and it's like, this is absurd. Like where's an officer of the law to be like, get both feet in the, like, because they're, did you become such a spoil sport? My God. Yeah, like I just imagine a bunch of kids having a good time leaving school

and like like some cute girls got her got her ankle bracelet flying in the wind. And here comes Officer Taylor. Oh, how much airing out does that coochie need this? Listen here, ma'am. He can tell Sarah J. Rock andatsch to put her leg inside that vehicle. That's what I'd call her. Yeah, Gina Rottencratsch. That's funny. I think that's what early Ermey said in Full Metal Jacket. He's like, why are you writing your letters back to Mary Jane Rottencratsch? Or whatever. That's something awful. I got to talk to that guy on the phone one time.

He sounded like that on the phone too. Nice. He didn't yell at me or anything, but that's his voice. Some people I think do a voice, like they have a character they do constantly. Who's the dude who does the fucking the parrot from Aladdin? That guy. Oh, Gilbert Godfrey. He's doing a character, right?

You know, that's not what he fucking sounds like Right, I was wondering I was like does r. Lee ermy sound like like a drill sergeant all the time. He does He well, all right b to r. Lee ermy an american hero. Yeah. Yeah couldn't wrap his head around the fact that I wasn't russian The whole conversation r. Ip to r. Lee Ermey. And in honor of him, we're gonna do a little ad from Bluechew. He would have liked that.

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This entire ad read was dedicated to R. Lee Ermey. In the arms of the little girl. All right, gents, I wanted to sit through the ads and make sure I could come hard and come long or whatever else you think. But I have to take off. It's bath time for the little girl. So I'm gonna head out. All right.

That's good, thanks for coming on. Well, take care, man. Good to see you. Glad you're doing well. Yeah, it's been too long. I missed you guys and I'm down to come on any other time. Think sounds good. We'll do it again sooner than last.

All right, see you guys. Later. Take care. Woody, what's Cobra Kai's motto or whatever? Is it strike hard, strike fast? Yes. Actually, we should have used that. It's not strike first, is it? Strike first, strike, strike hard, strike.

Maybe it is strike hard, strike fast is better than strike first, strike fast. Well, Cobra Kai is like an evil. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy. I like that even less. I got one of those first strike hard, no mercy. This is my sexual motto. No mercy. And first, right? Like, listen, if I come and you don't, that just proves I'm better than sex than you are. That's true. Woody's over here, men maxing. And Jackie, I mean, Jackie just can't keep up with how much you're, how much prowess you have. Get good.

Have you ever seen their farming XP insects? Have you ever seen level up? You ever seen Spanglish with Adam Sandler? No, I remember as a kid seeing that cover and being like, this looks so fucking gay. I can't believe Adam Sandler's in this. Cause I was like at that age, I was like, Adam Sandler is water boy. And I was like, this looks terrible.

This isn't what I want from him. It's a pretty good movie. It's, it's more of a, uh, like a, it's not like a goofy comedy. It's more of a serious drama comedy. Um, and, uh, he's got that beautiful, um, Spanish maid that he ends up following for his, but the issue is at the beginning, he's having sex with his maid that he ends up falling for. But the issue is at the beginning, he's having sex with his wife and she's a premature comer.

So she like right away, she comes like super hard. And then she's just like, whoo, that was great. And like hops off of him and he's just like, what the fuck? Like it was so hot for like eight seconds. It's just such a funny, like marital, like sexual dysfunction to have that, that she comes so hard and so fast that like he's not getting any.

And she wouldn't get him off? She would have him off afterward. Seemingly not. She was, she seemed to be pretty, pretty done after that. Wow. Pretty rude. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's good movie. I like Adam Sandler.

What was the movie about? And then he finds a hot Spanish woman. He has a maid and she's Spanish. And I think she's played by I can't think of that Spanish actress name, but she's fucking gorgeous. It's not Sofia Vergara. It's Rosita Espinosa. It's it's Mary. It's like a porn name

She looks like a porn star. She's very she's very curvaceous hot lady, but ends up falling for her. That's the story I saw um Happy gilmore 2 Trailer came out the other day on netflix. Look at that grimace from taylor not interested, huh? Oh, that's that seems kind of sad Does it? Yeah, they're so old now Only well, I mean, yeah, but he is 100 million era. I think he just wants to give one back to the OG fans, right? Maybe I don't know. I loved Happy Gilmore. And so but like all of these redo's they do

30 years after the fact, it never pans out. Like, they're never, like, what's a good example of a sequel that came out, like, decades and decades after the original? And it was like, whoa, it held up. I can't think of it. And I've seen a lot of movies. In my own nerdy little universe, season three of Star Trek Picard, they brought the entire old cast from 1989 through 94 or whatever back, like the OG Next Generation cast, and they're all old as shit. And it was great. It was so good. Like they get them all back together, you know, and they're all so old. It was crazy, but it was really good. That's the only example off the top of my head. like you said when they do a reunion or revival or something like that And it's not a not a sequel per se it's no good, but this seems like it's goofy enough already that

You know, I mean like it's not like they're making a sequel to I don't know Braveheart Or gladiator like they just did. That was awful. Caddy Shack 2, right? Yeah, that's garbage. See, that's a sequel from a different time. There was a time when the sequel was automatically going to be a disrespected, just one-off thing for more money. Sequels weren't always what they are now. And still, to some extent, sequels are often looked down upon. You don't usually think the third movie in a series is gonna be the good one

But it was with Lord of the Rings the second one's the best with the plan like Plans important. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you don't have a plan if you're free balling it and you're making like Fast and the Furious 7 It's probably not gonna be the good one. Yeah. Cause that guy died and they can't. Yeah. Not all burnt up. Yeah. You got, I think the second Rocky was the best and I'm not sure it had a plan. Hmm.

Yeah, I don't know. I know. I wonder if Stallone wrote the second one. You would imagine he did. He held onto that first script for years because he wanted to play Rocky Balboa. I think he might've turned down a million dollars or something when he was broke in the seventies. Wanted to play Rocky Balboa. I think he might have turned down a million dollars or something when he was broke in the 70s. He wanted to play Rocky Balboa so bad and eventually you know he got it and did it. It panned out he got a lot more than a million. Yeah for sure for sure. Just the Rocky

universe of films is probably a billion dollar thing. Speaking of like TV and movies, Woody, I watched some of Shorzy and the way that Hulu works is like I just scrolled past it and I was like, you know what, I'm looking for something to watch. Woody's been pushing Shorzy on me. Maybe I'll like it. I just hit the icon for Shorzy and it starts playing this episode where he's like, in the office with the lady, they're doing like the fast talking, humor. And she's like pushing him like, you gotta get off this. You have to coach, you're too old to play. Just find, just get it together and coach.

And like I watched maybe half of this 20 minute episode and I'm like, man, they really just throw you into this. I'm having trouble knowing who the characters are. And I hit back to like go pee or get a snack or something. I see season four episode. It was the most recent episode. And so I had to- He ruined a four year arc of Shorzy for himself.

I went back and I watched the first two seasons, maybe half of the third. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so I liked it. What I enjoyed that maybe you mentioned, but I thought of it also watching is a lot of the third. Okay. Yeah. And so I liked it. I would, I enjoyed that maybe you mentioned, but I thought of it also watching is a lot of the time they do hockey shows. They don't, they pick the actor, but they don't pick someone who can skate. And you can immediately tell if someone actually knows how to skate or not, if you know what you're doing. And I

appreciated that like during the hockey sequences, it was like, okay, these guys all played for the most part. Most of the team don't don't have speaking lines. Like all the gyms rarely say more than one word at a time. One of the star players literally can't speak the language. He only speaks in some other one. No one knows it. The other one, I don't think talks like there are like three speaking hockey players in the game. Yeah, there's not a lot. They, I bet they kind of hamstrung themselves. I'll be in like, we're only going to get actors who can actually skate and not

appear foolish on the ice. And then after like a month, they're like, Oh, it's going to be a lot of non- speaking roles on this team. But I did check and like a couple of them. The guy who plays the gym that, because the three gyms, there's two gyms who only ever say yes. And there's the third gym who always says slightly too much in response to an answer.

He's my favorite. Yeah, and that guy, the one who says slightly too much, played like 400 games in the NHL. What? Oh, I didn't know that. Like something Nolan, I think his name is. Brandon Nolan, maybe. But I thought that was kind of cool because you could see out there. And that dude who speaks in like the Newfie accent, I guess he was drafted high in the NHL, but then only played a few games, couldn't quite hack it, but then played pro in a lot of other leagues. And so I

really did like that part of it where you could tell and some of even the hockey scenes they shot. I'm like, this looks like the way a real play might unfold. It didn't have that Mighty Ducks horse shit where it's like someone gets a pass and then stands there for a pregnant pause and then lines up for a, you know, a clapper. I didn't like that in those. A slap shot, Kyle. Something that I didn't like as much that I noticed is almost every speaking character is written the same. Like the humor of the two girls who are the assistants of the main girl and the main girl and the main guy. Any of their lines could be given to another one of them and it would sound in character. And so I didn't like that they didn't have enough

character differentiation in that way. It's the Danny McBride syndrome. Danny McBride writes his own voice into every one of his characters. If you watch Righteous Jimstones, it's like they're all Danny McBride. There's some exceptions. The reporter girlfriend comes to mind. Sure, oh, there are exceptions, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but generally I think you're right. And I thought it was just fun. In my opinion, you know the fast talking humor? Too much of that.

The thing that I think they consider their strength to me is their weakness. I really want a little more character arc, a little more hockey. I enjoy the hockey maybe. Yeah, I the hockey. Maybe just players are like that. But overall it was really good. I liked it. I guess you know how the last season ends.

Yes, now I do. He becomes a coach. Yeah. The last season has this arc on like what it takes to get the girl. That's kind of fun. Shorzy over the top wins this girl's heart and with some big effort stuff. It's fine.

I did like his like little recurring joke that like all his teammates are like fucking all these smoke show 10 out of 10s. And he's always like, ah, she's a little young dude. It's like this like 20, 25 year old girl. And it's solely because he has a fetish for like milfs. That's it. Like all his perfect is dream. Woman's about 40 and they'll show a woman that Kyle would call a 10, which is rare. And he's like, yeah, a little young. Meanwhile, all his friends have to love that. Cause they're like more for me. This guy's like fucking cougar hunting out there.

Yeah, nobody else. But overall, I like the hockey parts a lot. That was very fun. Throw a number, one to ten rating on it. Probably a seven. Like, I enjoyed it. It kept my attention. The hockey parts, I liked a lot. It was just there wasn't enough character development.

Like what I'm thinking of mostly is how all those- Which candy would it be? It would be a non-peanut M&M. It would be an M&M that I still enjoy very much, but if I had my druthers, I'm gonna pick that peanut M&M. Kyle, don't you fucking mime spitting with yourself muted. This is one of the- I like your answer actually. Mine was similar, it was a Smartie. that peanut M&M. Kyle, don't you fucking mime spitting with yourself muted. I like your answer. Actually, mine was similar. It was a smartie. Like, you know, I enjoy it. It's tasty, but it's a little simple. Sure. Yeah, that's a good way. And like, mostly the like character

repetition or like similarities. I'm really just because a huge amount of the show are scenes in an office with the boss owner of the show, that lady, and then her two assistants, and then Shorzy. And in all of that dialogue, every single time, any joke said by any character could equally apply to any other character. There's no differentiation in how they, in their, even in their phrasing, like the girl, the assistant girls are talking like hockey players. Like they needed a little more, a little more there. The Schorzy character. Did you see the scene where he shows up to a photo shoot,

buttered up or bronzed up or something? I think I did. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I did see that. That was pretty funny. It was touching for me. So Kyle, they're trying to raise money so that they can host the hockey tournament in their town.

They need $50,000. And they decide to sell calendars of all the players. And I think they do and it goes okay, but they need more money. So they're gonna sell more calendars. I hope I have this right. And Shorzy, the main character, he shows up like bronzed and greasy and buttery

like a bodybuilder. And they're all like, what are you doing? And I can't replicate the back and forth talk, but he's like, I'm buttered up. Why, why, why are you buttered up? Photoshoot, figured everyone here would be buttered up. Why aren't you buttered up? And they're like, what, but no, no, why are you buttered up?

And then he goes on to explain like, the team was gonna fold, and you save the team. Now I will do anything for you because you saved the thing that I love. So here I am buttered up. And everyone else gets buttered up for the photo. He's in tears as he's laying out why he showed butter. He doesn't want to be buttered up. He'll just do anything for you. It is the recurring bit that I think is very funny with him is he cries constantly. Like all it takes

is just the tiniest little thing and he'll just like start to cry in public. But yeah, I like that where he's like, you know, I wanted to, you know, show up tarps off and they're like, why's your shirt off? Well, I went tarps off. A bunch of pretty girls are looking at us on the calendar. They probably want to see us tarps off. And they're like, really? Why are you greased up? Well, a bunch of pretty girls want to see tarps off hockey players. They probably want to see those hockey players tarps off and greased up. It's very like, it has a lot of good funny moments. It's just, I don't, I don't have, and it's a comedy show. So of course you're not going to get this, but, uh, the, the dialogue leaves some wanting sometimes. And

especially, I think of it's only, every season is only six episodes and they're like 20 minute episodes. And so maybe I've seen all three of the first, it was just snack food. It would be the Fritos you get from a vending machine. You're like, this is less than I expected. I didn't expect much. This is still less. I spent a good time while I was watching it being like, Oh, that guy's a really good skater. I need to find out what his name is. And I'd look him up and be like, Oh, this guy played like in the minor leagues. Like he was like sniffing the NHL at some point. That's really cool. That their idea of like a successful play is what a reality is. Like this guy dug it out in the corners and he managed to like pass it into the slot and then that guy gets a quick blister.

The Mighty Ducks version of that would be something ridiculous, a ballerina, or like you said, the big pause where we get to watch him do the the hardest slap shot as if the knuckleball Slap shot that's 10% harder than mine has goalies fear He's gonna need to be like 50 miles per hour on that bitch for a straight-ahead shot to matter. Yeah Yeah, I When I talk to goalies, they're always like slap shots are almost a relief They're not the problems that you don't want to dig him out Like you're gonna want to like fuck with him and futs with him and deking out as a thing.

Better yet is like the good pass. Like if I'm a threat from the right side and I can somehow get the puck to a threat on the left side, that gets goalies. That's by far the hardest because you have to almost cheat off your angles to anticipate the pass. But if you do that, you open up the right or the left side, respectively, and it doesn't go. How often does someone from lacrosse make the transition? Oh, borderline never. Yeah, it's it's not a similar like a running versus skating.

And then the style of hitting in hockey is different. I think they had the handling skills that would transfer. I bet maybe that could. It's just it's a very different movement. I would have thought the attitude and appeal of the sport would hit the same dudes. It def I think it does actually, because me and my younger brother played hockey growing up and my youngest

brother played hockey for like two years. And then a friend of his starting playing lacrosse and he got obsessed with lacrosse and that's obsessed with lacrosse. And that's all he wanted to play. And my grandpa even like pranked him once. My grandpa is an 80-year-old man from Southern Missouri. At the time, he's a, you know, 67-year-old man. And he tricked my youngest brother.

He was, he's like, Grandpa, you want to play catch lacrosse with me? And he's like, Oh yeah. You know, actually, May, I was the star player on the Southern Missouri lacrosse team grown up. And my brother was like, you really? He's like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. We won state in, uh, in 58.

Just totally made it up. And he's like, yeah. And I took him out there and then he couldn't catch it or anything. He had, he just totally made it up. He's like, you really believe he had a little cross player. He's like, you really believe we had a lacrosse team and we didn't have running water. We had to go to a spigot out in left pasture. You get that field up, you give it to mama so she could, you know, bowl water. I don't know. I doubt my dad knows what lacrosse is.

Yeah, but that's a big sport in Canada, too. And so I could see how they would, yeah, not nearly as big as hockey. Do we hate Canada now? No, of course not. No, but we hate lacrosse. And a Canadian thing. We do think the whole thing is ridiculous.

Just so you, if you can't see past the humor, you know, you're a little buddy. It's not so much a Canada thing, but did you see the auto tariffs? Yeah. 25%. On who? Everybody. You're a little buddy. It's not so much a Canada thing, but did you see the auto tariffs? Yeah 25% Yeah, on who everybody? Is this part of the reciprocal tariff thing oh This is for a new one

This is for all those people who dare to make a car I'm fine with us tariffing people who tariff us like Germany tariffs us on automobiles We tariff them the same. Like that's fair. You tell me there's not a room for the Ford Taurus in the German Autobahn? Please. They need it right up. No, there's tons of Ford Tauruses. If the German consumer got laid their eyes on the beauty of American automobiles, I tell

you, there'd be F-150s bumper to bumper up and down that Autobahn. If you want to sell an F-150, in Germany, it has to an F-150, every Heinrich and Deere from here to Hamburg would have him worn. Maybe, well they, I should have gone Heinrich and Himmler because then I got all those H's, damn it. No, I don't think that they would buy our cars. I think our cars are shit.

And I think they're never going to not be shit until we stop with the tariffs. The only cars here that aren't shit are like the luxury brands where they actually spend some money on R&D Like like if you look at the horsepower output like of our of our engines But just do horsepower and displacement ratio versus everybody else. It's humiliating. It's humiliating like like the way the Japanese get all that horsepower out of those tiny little engines. And then we balk about a few more times.

Sure, sure. But how reliable can a high-powered small motor be from Japan? Well, they got two. That's got dual overhead cams. Something's going to break down in them Hondas, I promise you. Fifteen years later. Is Honda Japanese or Korean? Yeah, I thought Honda was Japanese. Honda! Honda-y?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah? It's a Street Fighter character from Japan. You should know this. Honda-y? No, that's Korean. Yeah, I don't put as much faith in the Koreans, but yeah, most of our cars are crap. I really do think that. I don't think our trucks are crap, but I almost think they might fall in that. Well, like if you're forward and you've got the number one selling vehicle in America, I think that's still true.

That's probably one where you put a lot of time and effort into and you let your pintos suffer. They still make it. I don't know. What does it do though? What does it even do? Like, like, like nobody uses those as trucks. I don't know. What does it do though? What does it even do? Like, like, like nobody uses those as trucks. I don't know if you.

What does it do? It does everything. They're hybrid now. They alternators are so powerful. They run your camper trailer often cause it's a built in generator, a generator, right? Everyone's had AC in their car for some time now, but you plug an angle grinder into it

and you realize all it can do is charge a laptop. Not so on a Ford truck. That shit has 220 output that runs your RV that you're towing around at this point. 220? Yeah. You could have a hot tub. Charge a Tesla with your F-150. That's sick. I didn't know. So yours has that, Woody? No, this is the hybrid ones. They're a little bit bigger than mine. And because you can imagine how a hybrid truck would have a really powerful alternator beyond that, that you'd see, you know, in a regular car. And I don't know, they're just dope as fuck.

They've got lane centering, which is fucking a heartbeat from self-driving. And Tesla. I'm just talking about like, the quality of the ingredients. I like the tailgate wars. I'm sure you're probably on top of the tailgates back when my day just folded down, right?

And then Ford puts a step into the tailgate. And when I first saw the step, I thought, dude, I'm far too athletic for a step on a tailgate. I don't need that shit. I could leap into this. And then you realize that a full-size truck comes up to your nipples darn near, and a step is terrific.

And if you're like moving and you're going in and out of the truck a lot, that step is genius. So Chevy sees the step and they're like, you call that a tailgate? Now that thing's got fucking fold down tech, it's a freaking erector set that does three different things. Honda's got them swinging out sideways,

flipping down normal, like anything you want. And I'm like, shit, tailgates all of a sudden became this like pieces of engineering tech. That's pretty dope. This is a good idea. I'm just now looking at pictures of this. I, every once in a while you see somewhere like,

I'm looking at the F-150. Oh, that's the lamest. It was the first and it's been surpassed. But I mean, like this is one of those things where if you saw it, you'd think like, Oh yeah, this has probably been around for ages. It's so common sense. It's so like, clearly this helps. Right. And I guess it's well built too.

So I hover around 200 pounds. Most of my adult life, I will jump on that thing and stomp on it or whatever, like on the way down without thinking twice. It will not break from a human. Yeah, so that's the oh, this is nice. So mine is like the bottom left, which I'd argue is kind of the lamest one. I think the Honda is the bottom right that can swing out sideways or fold down. And then the top left, I think, is GM.

And it has a step like that. It can also fold flat out. And then it could do a handful of different things. I couldn't even demonstrate that it's complicated enough. And the one on the right, I don't know, is that Dodge? Is that Dodge? Yeah, Dodge Ram. I don't know what other tricks.

I bet you it folds down like a normal bed as well as that that and I don't know about us. Oh, I see the steps kind of come They're individual and not built into the tailgate. I only see one step. I I think you're right. What is on the other side shadow shadow? Okay. Okay. I don't know that I love their step as much Yeah, the Honda one looks like it barely even has a step. They just kind of have a plate underneath the license plate on the step. One thing that Chevy does, which is top left that I like is the bumper has a step built into it.

So if you don't want to go into the effort of like unfolding the step, then you can just stick your foot right there. It's always available. And I bet you in practice that get used a lot every now and then I use my tires a step because I'm not going through the effort of making it. Anyway, we were just talking about innovation, American cars. Well, there's a thing that they're doing right. I would argue that is pretty cool. We are the best at trucks for sure. I think so. What trucks are better than American trucks?

I don't know. Those little Chinese $3,500 trucks that you can order in a crate that just run forever and do what trucks do but don't look nice. Our trucks do a great job of looking nice and being trucks and being able to go pick up groceries with your grandma as well as go off roading. I don't think that Reliah Farley is a strong suit of the American truck. No, like tons of people use their F-150s for manual labor and farming. Honestly they don't, but I think that most of them, the majority of them, don't do anything of the sort. I think that's fair. They're popular for reasons outside of work, but either up in my little world, they're popular for play. Like when I load a dirt bike into it, then I show up

and everyone's loading dirt bikes in their trucks. You might see them doing things other than that, but it's like, you got to see them on Saturday afternoons. You know, when they're doing that. The Tundra. The Tundrara the tundra is the big one I don't know if they still make the Tacoma, but if they do it's more their mid-sized truck Like I don't even know if the Dodge makes the Dakota anymore But that used to be sort also that mid-sized truck bigger than a Ranger or the s10, but definitely not the full-sized

Silverado or RAM. Yeah. I mean, the Tundra looks exactly like a RAM or an F-150 if you, for me, for the most part, it looks exactly like. When I was shopping, the Tundra was behind on tech. Their fuel economy was way worse. They didn't have StarPlay yet.

Toyota was behind? Toyota's behind on tech. American companies lead on tech and if you're a tech shopper like me that matters but they kind of do lead on reliability. They're the conservative non risk-taking automotive manufacturer. Do you think that's still true on the fuel economy? On the tundra? I don't know. Obviously in cars they do really well, but they sort of, the internet said their engines ran rich to get more reliability out of them. And that's why their fuel economy was bad. And I read it on the internet.

So it's true. Counter that. I know I often see the, uh, the, no, no. Counter that. I know I often see the Europeans touting those flatbed like weird cab trucks that they have that do everything that our hundred thousand dollar F-150s do forever and they do it for fifteen thousand dollars or something like that. I don't know. Whenever they definitely can't do everything larger trucks can do if we're thinking of ever and they do it for $15,000 or something like that. I don't know. Whenever. They definitely can't do everything larger trucks can do.

If we're thinking of the same thing, like there's small trucks meant for driving through alleyways that were built in 1100 where nothing else can fit. I'm the guy that, that like the trucks, Kyle dislikes fit like what is platinum street truck? Right, Kyle, you don't understand how important it is that my seat, my seat massages me on the way home from dirt biking. I'm basically handicapped after four hours in the woods.

Yes. No, I mean, I mean, they should have all that. Look, I like all the accoutrements, too. I think they should have those things. I just don't know about the American car industry. It just seems like so the F-150 is a hard one to argue against because of everything you said. And it is, I think it's the most popular car in America. I don't think it's the number one truck. It might be the number one vehicle in America. It's incredibly popular. It could be. I'm not positive.

But what's their sedan? Oh, the Ford? What's it even called? It's a Taurus a Ford ended every car, but one a few years ago. Did they bring much back? Maybe it was just the Mustang that survived. They even don't have this. You have the tourists, right? Or no, it was the Fusion for a bit. And then I thought, well, it was I remember because I in 2013, I remember the Fusion and the Taurus were still there. And the Fusion was the smaller version of the Taurus.

Fusion's gone. The 500 was there for a while. I think the 500 might be gone too. I don't know what their car is anymore. I don't know what they make aside from SUVs and Mustangs, obviously, and EV Mustangs. But I think that might be their only car. I'm looking, the Mustang is the only thing that is strictly a car. Everything else is what they call SUVs nowadays, which I call hatchbacks. They've retreated from the market. Like that's your sign. Like they couldn't compete for some reason. For some reason, the OG innovator the the family vehicle doesn't make one anymore

And and I don't think it's a sign that four-door cars are out because I seen plenty of those on the roads But Ford can't make one and I don't know what Chevrolet Chevrolet's is either Malibu Is it this? What's I don't know what a 25 Malibu looks like yeah I don't know you such a bad job at marketing and and they do they do such a bad job at marketing I've never heard of it of it and don't know what it looks like and they do such a bad job at design that I have also I've never heard of it or seen it if it looked cool somebody tell me Those new Dodges the new what dodge did something. I'm not exactly sure

I think they consolidated the Charger and the Challenger and they're just doing one now. And they- I always thought they overlapped. Yeah, the markets definitely did. Then they thought so as well. I think they're doing an electric version of that that looks pretty nifty.

I feel like the Charger was always, I mean, the Charger was the cheaper one, so it makes sense I saw that more. On the tariffs, I think only one car company's stock went up and it was Tesla. Yeah, I saw Tesla had a huge rebound, didn't they? Yeah, well, every other car is about to get $12,000 more expensive, but Tesla, they have parts that come from outside America, but they tariffs a little more

complicated than they say on the surface and like like parts that they, they're giving time to find local suppliers. So Tesla's almost immune from the tariffs, but almost nobody else's. Okay. Even Ford and Chevy. Why do they only use domestic suppliers? Is that part of Tesla? Or?

The foreign suppliers they use are exempt for reasons that start to get complicated. Like they basically they have time before they are no longer. Okay. Well, good for them. He needed a little bit of a rebound. I don't know if you watch SNL, but they got my fires. They were they're up 51% year over year right now.

So what the fuck were they up at that bananas total? Like up 150% or something? A 300%? There was a big bump when Trump won. There was this idea that his association with Trump would be very good for his cars. Like the government would help them in some way. But I think it kind of went the other way for a while

that his reputation sank amongst EV buyers, because of his association with Trump. And now Trump's tariffed all his competitors. And Tesla is the only stock that went up. I felt it is crazy. I've seen like a hundred videos of fucking lunatics, like, attacking Teslas online, like keying them, spray painting them. Okay. What do you think about Trump saying that those people look like terrorists to him? I see those cars burning. Not one or two, seven, eight cars burning. That's terrorism. Are they committing violence in the furtherance of a political position?

Indeed they are Taylor. Then yes, but that seems like a very gay version of terrorism. I mean, that's terrorism. I mean, well, I mean like, yeah, if you're, is it violence, if it's property damage? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I guess, I guess technically it is, is. It's just it it doesn't have that same. That doesn't have that 911 taste in my mouth. You know, you couldn't I wouldn't Kia Tesla for a thousand dollars. I would keep my fucking distance. You better leave them alone. Dude, you gotta there's cameras everywhere. Rivian's too. Although no one's attacking them. Oh, Rivian went up today

also. I did. I said it was the electric ones for Yonah. Or I guess no. I think they're just domestically supplied. Like that's what makes them. Well then good for them. I hope they succeed enormously if they're all domestically supplied. Anyway I thought it was interesting and I try not to Anyway, I thought it was interesting and I try not to chase after every fake throw, but I'm like, huh, he, he tariffed on Elon's competitors. Okay, that's fine. I was going to see if scout was doing a, had a good day too, but I guess kind of scout is a, an American Evie company that

I'm kind of interested in that thing they're making. Uh, I watched me. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I, that's all.. It looks neat. Oh, I'm sorry. No, that's all, it looks neat, it looks cool. I saw a video, it's called like Dad Cars, and he interviewed a guy who bought a Maserati. Have you seen this already? Mm-mm.

Dude spent like 11, he's British, he spent like 11,000 pounds on maintenance the first year he owned it. I was like, oh, that's why Maseratis lose their value. Oh, like a Quattroport? Ford or? It looked amazing, but that probably doesn't help you, but all the Maseratis look good.

I'm looking at my history. Yeah, they're real nice. We've talked about it before, but they have the biggest depreciation of any vehicle that I've looked at they go from being I Don't know $100,000 car to being like a $20,000 car in a few years Here I dropped a link real quick

It's time. Oh, I guess that a roddy You can kind of see it. Let me see what Yeah, that's two-. The one that I linked. Yeah. Okay. Do you know what it is? I don't. I have no idea. It looks amazing though, doesn't it? It's a Maserati Grand Sport. Is what it is. I don't know much about it. It's got a V8 in it. I see that. Probably supercharged. How do you see it? I think I saw it on some badging maybe.

I don't see it here obviously. I was like, you say obviously I'm like, how does he know these car people? They just know things. Now, well, I know a little bit about the Quattroport because I've done a little research on it. I think there's a particular year model that's sought after. Everyone says it's the nicest sounding stock exhaust ever. And when I hear them, they do sound like aggressive and I don't know, poppy and

it's like that's a four-door like European car. It sounds great. But you can get them for 10 or $20,000 in really good condition. But I think that you run into extremely expensive maintenance on them. If you could get one with a warranty though, that'd be the move. My father has always taught me that that's a financial mistake. That like, I'd be shopping for cars

and you know what, eight grand gets you in a Honda or what eight grand gets you in a Toyota or a Ford. And then you're like, wait a minute, there's a slightly older Alpha Romeo I could have. Suddenly it's like, that's cool. And I've never actually lived that experience. And it's like, do you really wanna take car buying advice from a CPA who doesn't really like cars?

Yes. I just remember like really like cars. Yes. I just remember like things like the Audi TT, that was the one that you could get fairly affordably. Tony Stark drove that, right? No, R8, either of the R8. Yeah, he had an R8, that's like 10 times the cost. But I remember those Audi TTs were real cheap and like 05, 06, but they kept going on

about the maintenance stuff. And there was a couple of BMWs, my boss had a BMW roadster and it was constantly like like expensive shit and he worked at the dealership So it was all like free or a cost or something. I think the dealership technically owned the car anyway, so it was free But it was always expensive shit on those and I always I don't know I took note of that at the time then They if there's something that looks too good to be true, if you're about to get in some Maybach and it's 20 grand under market value, you're that 20 grand is coming out of your pocket one way or another. You're going to be there.

There's going to be an issue. There's going to be a timing chain or there's going to be a crankshaft. There's going to be something expensive on that thing that somebody has made quiet just long enough for you to make a terrible financial decision I remember we had one that came in and we were looking at it outside. It was a trade-in I remember what it was It was a BMW of some kind like a 5 Series and it was the engine was going click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click Like slapping loud you didn't need to be a mechanic to know this was not an easy fix and my boss is scratching his head

He's like it wasn't doing this when it came in. They paid too much on trade in. And I was like, give me give me the card. I'm going to go to the gas station. I can fix this. And he gave me the store card. And I went and got gear oil, 80 weight gear oil, this thick honey like lubricant. And I put the whole bottle in that fucking beamer.

And it went click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, My father, not a car guy. Zach, can you find a picture of a Chevy Cavalier station wagon while I retell this old story? Ooh la la. And either Maroon or Teal, he had both at different points. He's a repeat Chevy Cavalier station wagon buyer. And all like, I worked at his firm, right?

My father's accounting firm. And all his coworkers, worked at his firm, right? My father's accounting firm and all his coworkers, employees, whatever would tease him because he's a financially successful man who drove the car of someone who's not thriving in life. And he loved it though. Did you want to say something? There's a scene in The Sopranos where Christopher's thinking about turning on the family,

going with Adriana on the run, witness protection. And he's at the gas station trying to decide if he should do it or not. And he sees a guy pull up in one of these whose life is run down. He's got kids in the car pulling his hair, his wife's ugly and fat, they're drinking a whole two liter of Mountain Dew. It's quite trash central, the car's full of trash.

I'm almost positive it's that car. It was that car and the lifestyle that it provided was what made him have his girlfriend murdered. So my father loved this car. He always thought that this was the best car money could buy. Well, everyone else was like you're you're just dead wrong. Nobody would have desired a car like this and he but to him, it was reliable and it met all his needs and he never thought twice when he turned the key.

And then one day he comes into work and he's just beaming with pride. He's been proven right that this is truly the best car. And we're like, okay, what is it? Why do you look like the cat that swallowed the canary? And he's like, I watched CNN this morning and the Chevy Cavalier is the number one least stolen car in America.

Was just like what more do I need to say? That's quite the conclusion to draw Checkmate, my gay awful car doesn't get stolen. What an ugly vehicle. A criminal takes one look at this and thinks, that guy's had enough. I'm not going to serve him another bad day. I'm not going to steal from some gay guy. It just looks, it's very utilitarian. I bet honestly, like, look, if you're like the last man on earth, you might pick one

of these. It's like, holy shit, I got all this room, got four doors. I'm not gonna meet anybody but this storage opportunities here got that whole hatchback thing But if you know to drive around and people are gonna look at you There are probably some better options I watched the whole thing the other day about the death of the station wagon and how it wasn't just the mutation into the SUV But there are a lot of other factors going on and it was I don't know It was the kind of boring shit that I really enjoy. The whole idea that that just, it was the thing for a while. Like it was,

they went all the way back to the, there was like a Ford Extendo Model T that was like the OG station wagon, I guess. And they went through how the wood paneling was seen as, I don't know, fancy. Because when I look at that wood paneling, I think back to Terminator 2 and that piece of shit station wagon they're in. And I think about the griswolds. And to me, it's like, you know that's not wood, right? Like, I don't know what that is actually.

It wasn't a sticker, right? It was in the beginning. Like it used to be real wood. Okay, that dates back to when they were made of wood back there. But it was like a wooden like it barely even compares to like a car of today. It was like the model T times when the bodies were wooden and they would add those extensions onto them. The one I'm thinking of is a little fancy. onto them. The one I'm thinking of is a little fancy.

Oh, the ones I'm finding. That's a PT Cruiser, by the way, for anybody who's never seen one of these beauties before. Those are the ugliest cars ever. They saw the Volkswagen Bug and they're like, but we can do it uglier. It was so lame because like right when that car came out, me and my dad just finished restoring a 1935 Ford slant back. Zach, show us what a 1935 Ford slant back looks like. All the kids at school thought my dad drove a fucking PT Cruiser and it was so embarrassing. And I'm like, no, it's a hot rod. You don't understand. Your dad's like picking you up from school or taking you to sports and you're like, no,

no, it's cool. It's actually cool. See what I mean? Oh, well that's, you'd have to be retarded to take that for a PT Cruiser. That's pretty slick. It was high school though. Everyone's retarded. Now ours was, we used Chrome Illusion paint and it did a thing with changes in colors, depending on how you're looking at it. Yeah, it wasn't blue. Ours was like purple and gold. Chrome illusion paint.

Yeah, it was pretty funky to look at. We weren't going for a traditional. That's an, it was all like a. Why is it so low? That looks like it's a mistake. It should be higher up. Yeah, I think that it's a drop show car. I mean, I think they're going for that.

If he's. That looks borderline undrivable. It is undrivable. You can't drive that. Oh really? So they do that just for the show? My guess is that car's on airbags and that when they're ready to leave, they pump that car back up and it's at a reasonable height because that was so low. You couldn't get it on a trailer. You couldn't get it out of a parking lot. That's impossible. Now this looks like an AI photo. So what the hell is...

No, that's a real car. That's really close to what ours look like because we took the door handles off. It was still crumbed out everywhere. But again... Where's the door handle? It's gone. How do you get in if the window's up? I don't know what they've done, but we had electric buttons you pressed. I never liked this style either where they have like the engine free floating. It never seemed that neat.

It looked unfinished. I didn't like that. I don't know, man. That's a lot of engine he's got sticking out the front of that cock wagon. That thing looks like it would go a thousand miles an hour, dude, look at that. The compensator.

Is that a huge engine? Is that? I mean, I don't recognize that engine per se, but look at it, right? I look at that. Is that a huge engine? Is that? I mean, I don't recognize that engine per se but look at it, right? I look if there's a guy who knows less about cars than me. I haven't met him The driver's view Yeah, you're having to drive like that Even if it's a medium-sized engine even that's's like a 327 or something, that blower, crazy tall intake thing he's got on there is going to be turning it into another 500 horsepower.

That's a crazy powerful rocket ship car that you're looking at. Whenever I see those, I'm scared. I'm scared to drive something like that. So many of those cars are made out of nothing but fiberglass, and then they've got a thousand fucking horsepower. Everybody's putting supercharged LS engines into stuff. Now there's like Chevrolet Corvette engines basically. And so if you get an accident with fiberglass, it'd be like, like dropping,

dropping a snow globe, right? Like just, yeah, it provides zero structural, like crash dampening, crumple zoning, all that stuff is out the window. What you've got is the rail and you know the the engines bolted to it, all the mechanics are and then they've got a shell that goes over it. That works fine on a race car because the shells going over a roll cage. But there ain't no roll cage in some of these kit cars that you're coming up with. You're just you're making a race car and

putting a fiberglass shell around you and you're hitting the roads with everybody else that's got a foot of crumple zones and doesn't see your little cobra coming. Those people explode. Like the distance between like the firewall and their feet is so little. Like they're not made for safety. Something that like, I think you probably showed me this a long time ago, where I always had in my head that those old, like, seemingly solid iron cars, like those solid steel It's just going to smash the new one to smithereens. But I guess the new one has a lot more bolstering under the surface than the old one. And it was not what I expected. Modern cars do a lot of stuff in collisions that we learned through 50, 60, 70 years of

people dying horrifically on our roadways. Right? I think the dirt did Audi or Volvo. Volvo invented the seatbelt and then they gave the patent away to everybody for free. The shoulder lap belt combination thingamabob. But I always told this to people because I learned it from another car salesman.

I don't know if there's any truth to it, but engine mounts break away in a frontal collision and disengage so that the engine can go down and underneath the firewall rather than slamming through it and hitting the occupants. I don't know if that's true, but I would tell people that Ford did that as if only Ford did that. You don't want to be in a Chevy Silverado.

You want to be a double amputee, ma'am? Jesus Christ. I guess you'll be able to get the wheelchair in the back with that special tailgate the Silverado has. So, I'm pretty impressed with it, weren't you, ma'am? Actually, Ford had the best tailgate back then. It had the tailgate assist. If you opened it and then let go, it wouldn't just, bam, bam, bam. It would come down nicely. And I would do that in front of people. it would come down nicely. You know what's become a big thing in the past decade is that like no slam toilet seat. Those used to be nowhere and now they're everywhere where you just tip it down a tiny bit.

Usually with a toilet paper square covered finger so you don't touch where someone else's ass was. I don't use the toilet seat at all anymore. I don't use the toilet seat at all anymore. You don't use the toilet seat at all? You're squatting? No. After prison I got rid of all the toilet seats. Yeah. Well it's because your ass is so open now it just falls, tumbles out. Yeah. It's no need to sitting down. Like just kind of lean backwards and just... It's kind of like when it falls, it sort of falls out.

It sort of falls out. There's like a big breathy now whenever I go to a hotel, I slam the toilet seat by not thinking it just, you know, I tip the top and the rest of gravity takes care of it from there. And I'm like, everyone heard that. My grandparents put those this is this is 18 years ago now, but they like put new toilets in at a house they moved into. And like, I remember, like, putting that seat down and being like, whoa, this is like fucking like a rich person's toilet seat.

Like, you don't even slam it gently comes to a rest, which is something we should have had. It wasn't. I mean, it was a lot, but not that like fifteen hundred. Yeah. That's like that's's like standard super nice toilet price. When you got it, were there like other models that were more expensive or less expensive? Did you shop around and like compare like the Ninjitsu versus the Shitsatsu? Jackie handled everything, I don't know.

But it's pretty dope. It has a nightlight in it, so if you approach it from like in the dark, the toilet which cleans itself really well, has a blue light and you can pee in the dark and sort of see what's going on without losing your night vision. Nice.

I've got a glow in the dark cock ring that assists with that as well. That makes sense, yeah. I have flashlight cock ring of course. Yeah. It's part of my everyday carry. Because when I'm peeing in the middle of the night, I don't want, like I want enough light that I can pee

and hit the side of the bowl because I don't want, I don't want the aggressive, loud water sound in the middle of the night because it's just a very loud sound. I run the sink. In your sleep, you run the sink when you're peeing in the middle of the night? Yeah, yeah. That's insane. Why?

You just told me that you secret pittle pee against the side in the middle of the night. And I'm the goofball for running the secret pittle pee. You just aim to the side of those words. You see, you said, I secret pittle pee. That's what you said. I'm just, I hate to use your own words against you. You're a middle piece. When you're right, you're right. But like, you don't want a super loud piss in the middle of the night.

But he said it in a baby voice. Do you ever make a bullseye with toilet paper? No. And it's also because in the middle of the night, I usually don't put, I don't put my glasses back on. Like I don't want to deal with reacclimating to glasses. And so like it can be tough to see the border versus the water. And so usually it starts with a very loud normal P and then you have to aim appropriately to get to the side of it.

I mean, I don't want that volume. You're a, you know, being that peas on show. So why do you keep it a secret in real life? Because it's loud. And it's like the same reason that I don't want to turn the light on in my bathroom when I'm peeing in the middle of the night, because then it's going to snap my eyes back to awake mode. I want to stay as close to sleep as possible while I'm peeing.

I want to be able to pee and then just go right back. Is that ludicrous? Is that crazy? Do people know? Is this not what people know? You guys turn the lights on in the bathroom when you're peeing at night. I just I use the toilets nightlight. We covered this. OK, well, you do money bags. Honestly, I just pissed with the door open and there's enough like, like light coming from like outside the bathroom to illuminate the toilet well enough for me to see.

Where's the light coming from? Because it's a bathroom in your bedroom. Like street lamps down the street shining through my like front lines just a little bit on the wall and reflecting around in my house. I don't have any of that. I piss by moonlight. Oh, the moonlight sometimes will shine through my skylight in my bathroom and I can see a little more. But if it's a no moon, I'm risking it. They sell nightlights. Well, I haven't bought one.

You need a nightlight for your piddle pissing? I need a nightlight for my stealth pissing at night. Stealth pissing. Okay, Jason Bourne, you're piddel pissing and we all heard it. Why don't you just throw in the tactical goggles? He goes to the bathroom. No, that wouldn't work because then that would equally wake my eyes up. Fifty thousand people used to piss here. I could break one of those boogers. Now to go to the bathroom. I could throw it in the bathroom. So the night vision goggles work. No.

Yeah, I'm not with it. No, I just go. I would like to have one of those fancy toilets though. I will make that purchase at some point. I saw the episode of South Park. You'd like this one where Randy, he goes to get a new toilet because old blue, that's the name of his toilet. He's like, Randy, the toilet's broken. Oh blue. What's wrong with her?

And like it like the seats been repaired with a hammer and nails and like there's a crack in the hole and there's like duct tape around the tank and stuff and it's all chipped up and he buries old blue the toilet in the yard like it's a dock and And then he goes to the Lowe's to get a new toilet. And he's like, yeah, these are the top of the line for the American toilets anyway. What do you mean? Well, we keep the Japanese toilets in the back. Could I see one of those?

Well, I don't know about that. I'm fancy, come on. And the Japanese toilet is like shitting in heaven. Like there's music playing and lights turning on and the seats all warmed up. He becomes a full toilet snob. He's just inviting people over to his house so they can shit on his fancy toilet and be jelly of him. It talks to them.

It's great. I'm like doing the research now to renovate both my bathrooms upstairs. And also I'm adding a bedroom and bathroom in my basement because I have big windows in my basement so it won't be too much to add an egress so I can count it. And are you having it done or doing it? I'm curious. He's having it done. I'm going to have all the stuff done that I would fuck. So like carving into my foundation

to create a big enough egress window so I can count the basement bedroom as a- Yeah, I wouldn't touch that. Yeah, I'm not touching that. As far as like flooring and stuff, like if I can maybe- You got a jackhammer? No, I don't have that. Well, it would be like, it would be some like wet saw

that they use. So I'm gonna hire people for that. You got hire people for that. I'm basically planning to hire people for every bit of it. And maybe I can like figure out flooring if it's not too hard. But even then I'm like, I think I would fuck like if I do slate flooring in the bathrooms, it could be like, I'm going to fuck up the grout lines and I'm not going to make it correct. And so I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and pay for, for the, the people to do it. I think that recently did some drywall repair. I mean, I learned a lot. I think the next time we'll be better.

See, I want to avoid that. I don't want to have my, my foray into like, I don't want to pay a bunch to have the bathrooms redone and like the other bathroom added. Let me pitch this to you. Okay. If it was like the mud room and you were doing a drywall repair behind the washer and dryer, you might make the same decision I did where like this is the place you learn. Yes. Yes. 100%. If I were doing it my in my laundry room, where

it's very hidden from guests, that is the place to learn the bathrooms. And the flooring in my dining room and kitchen are not the place to learn these things because I'm going to at least make a million mistakes. And it's gonna like I'll finish it and be happy with it. Like I'll like finish grouting or something and be like, yeah, it's not too bad. And then I'll look up a picture of what it should look like and gonna like, I'll finish it and be happy with it. Like I'll like finish grouting or something and be like, yeah, it's not too bad. And then I'll look up a picture of what it should look like and be like, oh, they shouldn't be an inch wide,

should they? That was a lot of grout that I was having to use. I kind of- The place to learn where I learned a lot, Habitat for Humanity Volunteer site. Interesting. Yeah, they'll put you to work. You can learn new skills. I did not know that. Do a good thing.

Hopefully. Well, I'd have one of them habitat for humanity grout jobs. Yeah, you would. You would. I have a kid that did this grout. Didn't do the electrical. Vegas can't be chooses, man. That's where the expert kind of like, you know, electrical Vegas can't be chooses ma'am. That's where the expert kind of like, you know, you're the unskilled labor and they're the expert and then every like some guys are more skilled than others. Now you want to you definitely want somebody to do your own do flooring.

If if looking at it in the future and you saw that there was a quarter inch here and a three eighths of an inch there and that was going to irk you then you've got to have a professional do then I will be having a professional because if I'm spending this and I had like no idea until I started fact-finding, I'm not like going to pursue it. Like as far as getting people here until after tax season, cause I want to know what I have to pay them. Uh, but holy fuck. It's so expensive.

Like I get that it's gonna be like minimum 50 grand to add an additional bedroom bathroom because they have to build the egress, they have to build the bedroom, they have to add the bathroom in the basement. That makes sense. But everywhere online is saying it's gonna be like 25 to $35,000 per bathroom upstairs just to renovate it.

And that's just renovating to like a nice bathroom. Certainly not a wooded-tier bathroom, but that seems insane. And so there's no fucking way I'm going to pay $35,000 to renovate one bathroom. That's bananas. That seems insane. Scottie Fiesen I've done that. Rod Karr Maybe I'm wrong. Scottie Fiesen Or it's not. Look, the tile is the hard part. Tile is hard. Especially if you're doing like a nice looking shower that's going to have that big glass door that swings open. Rod Karr

That's what I'm doing. Yeah. Scottie Fiesen And the tile is going to have to have a gradient to it so that it all drains correctly, of course, while all staying true and square. That part is hard. I've done bathroom floors and I've done kitchen floors, all tile, but it was 12 inch tiles, like the big ones, maybe eight, but they were big. In a bathroom, you're probably going to be doing smaller tiles. In my bathroom that I had done years and years back, there's these little one inch tiles tiles. There's like tons of those. And I watched that guy doing, I don't like that look. So I wouldn't do that.

Like it was so hard. Like he had this whole, um, I don't know what to call it. I got, he had a thing to keep him true. Like he wasn't just being an artist placing you by one inch tiles in like a one foot grid. And then you smear the brown in between it. And it looks like one inch tiles if that's the look you're targeting, but it works like bigger tiles. It's got like a webbing under it.

Yeah. These were squares that were like, I don't know, like that big each, like lots of those. But then they changed shape. He was making himself, he was chippingipping them off like to make like smaller squares because it's they started big and then got smaller toward the middle I don't know that guy did a really good job. What I'm saying is that's not I could never do like tiling a bathroom floor I got no Nowhere to begin but ripping one out and like doing all that work would be simple as could be just taking the old toilet out,

taking the old floors out, taking the walls out, taking all the cabinetry and all that. Like I can do the demo. What I'm saying is I don't know how you get to 35 grand. And that's what I'm saying. I want to see. I need to see that itemized. And I want to have that. I looked up the toilet like an excellent toilet is like $1,000. I looked up the vanity. And if I want like an 85 inch, you know, 86 inch to sink vanity for my master, that's like a super nice one of those is like two grand. And so it's like, okay, that's two grand. You know, the toilets a grand, adding the shower, I'm going to have to have it custom built. Let's call that, you know, four grand, five grand. Like, where's the rest of this? Like, where's the rest? Is

it all labor? Is it is it $28,000 of labor to do this? This don't like his basement sounds, I'm not sure what you even mean when you talk about altering the foundation, but that sounds like some real deal. So you know the basement windows that you get in like ranch style houses, that's what I live in, where there's like there's usually a window, there's sometimes a window in the basement. Like when the kid's kidnapped and he's trying to crawl through that little window that's horizontally locked horizontally so the the thing is it's a the windows down there now are pretty big they're like 18 inches tall and then probably five feet wide and there's a few of those windows but the coating if I want to count it as a bedroom says that it can't the bottom of the window cannot

be cannot be less than 44 inches from the finished floor. And so I would have to hire someone to cut out below that until it gets down to like 43 inches or whatever. And then I would replace that. And then, you know, those basements where you see like an egress is cut out where, and so I would have to do that. And that's only like seven grand. And the absolute most. It would be listed with more bedrooms. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Why don't you raise the floor? It would be listed with more bedrooms and zits.

Yes, exactly. Why don't you raise the floor? Well, I will have to add a subfloor to make sure it's 100% even. So why lower the window when you could raise the floors? Because I still want it to be a reasonably high ceiling. Because the rule also is that you cannot count it as a bedroom unless the ceilings are a minimum of seven feet high. And I've only got like eight feet ish of clearance and so I can't just add much crawl space is there what I'm saying is it's a lot easier to raise a floor than lower window

especially when you're already going to your floors but the floor would have to be risen risen raised like three or four feet right yeah yeah it would it's foundation. It's like a 16 inch, I measured the other day, it's like a 16 to 18 inch reduction I would have to get just to make the egress window count and get a big window. And so there's no fucking way I'm going to raise my floor's 18 inches because then it wouldn't be a seven foot ceiling. I wouldn't count it either way. Raising the floor and leaving the window the same. You can't raise the ceiling, that's where the rest of my house house is there's a crawl space in between I want to know how much

I'm just saying lowering a window sounds like a big jump but that bathroom thing that's wild because you I would need to see that itemized to really understand what was going on Maybe then it makes sense, but I'm gonna tell you every time I would show somebody like the itemized cost of a car I was in my head. I'm thinking like this is such bullshit Call me on all this horse shit. I have two pieces of advice. Yes. It's not polite to give advice if it wasn't asked for.

I appreciate it. But I've made some mistakes. One, get more than one quote. You probably do that, you're probably gonna do it anyway, but get more than one quote. Two, and this is a mistake I've made repeatedly, don't pay until they're 100% done. I don't think I've ever had a contractor

who didn't come to me with his palm out when he was 95% done. Hey Woody, this is almost wrapped up. You know, why don't you just pay me now and I'll do the last 5% after you pay me. And it's because I'll never see you again. If this last 5% is that easy, go earn the payment. Remember at the beginning when I paid half up front, did that

check bounce? Was that check late? Well, here's the part of the end where you do the work. Yeah. Now, you need to be as reliable as I've been at writing checks and get the entire job done. I didn't write you a check that mostly finished. It was all the way finished. That's what your job needs to be. And yeah, anyway, I could rant harder. Good advice. I will follow both of those because I have heard not just you, but many people tell horror stories about, oh, I got bullied into paying too early

and then he just was out like a demon's whisper, just never to be seen again. And it's like, okay, well, I guess now I have to grout the tiles that still have those weird spacings in them. I have a recommendation. So you ever use the Thumbtack app? I don't know what that is. Thumbtack lets you hire local handymen to do projects

ranging from hanging your TV or assembling your gym equipment to things like you're talking about. And when you go on there, you'll be able to look at everybody's resume and they have this long list of customer reviews and it's for specific jobs. A lot of guys really specialize in what I just mentioned,

assembling equipment and hanging televisions and hiding wires and drywall and stuff like that. And they'll have like 150 reviews, everybody praising them and stuff. I guarantee there's some guy on there who does bathrooms too. And you can, they're listed and you can arrange them or sort them in order by hourly pay.

And they're like, I found a guy to put my last elliptical together because it was a bitch for it took him two hours. I think I paid him $12 an hour or something. Then I tipped him, but I got paid. But it was cheap and it was going to take me two hours. If it took him two hours and he's- It would take a new four hours. Yeah. Yeah. That's what he does for a living is put the bitches together. And he was out there just fucking this little reading the instructions and shit. I was that was the best hundred bucks I ever spent whatever it was Interesting, I'm sorry. You saw the site that competes with that one that I use it might be worse

I'm not Angie's list. You probably know of anything. I've heard of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it's like yellow pages But just for contractors electricians and stuff and it also has a lot of reviews and you can see if like some guy has 450 five reviews. He's hardcore This is what he does is some other guy has like six reviews. You're like, okay Is this the kind of guy looking for like what are you looking for? Yeah, I think it's gonna be more more like easy to find like a super reputable guy and probably more official But I think a thumbtack is like like you immediately are DMing with this guy, you cut thumbtack out right away. Hey, bro, what's your fucking number? And you like, you cut them completely out as any sort of middleman. And then you start negotiating with this guy about like, when he can be there and what you'll pay him and

like, Hey, you got some garbage in my backyard. You want to take that with you when you live? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, these are they're hustlers. take that with you when you live? Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are hustlers. Does the contractor, usually when you're... Does the contractor get permits? Isn't that part of their job? Or is it me that has to get a permit for stuff? Like for home improvement? Because I've never done a foundation home improvement thing that like cuts into it and increases. It's because I have to have the contractor. I thought so. He navigates this. Yeah.

If a contractor were to push that on to me, I'd be like, oh, you don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do this now that now we're not supposed to be in the same position. Exactly. Like, that's what I was thinking. And I was like, I just want to ask some experienced people if they know, because there's no way that I'm just going to pay some guy. And he's like, yeah, I think I, I think I can handle your foundation job. It'll probably be fine.

The conversation at most should go like this. Like, yeah, we gotta get it. This is the kind of thing where you pull a permit for an inspection. Are you in the county or the city? And like if they ask that, they're like, they've done both, you know, like whatever. So yeah, I'm gonna take those jobs one at a time. First one, I want to get the biggest one done first, which is adding the bedroom, bathroom combo in my basement. Because that's the only one I can be 100% sure

will add a lot of value to my house. Don't answer if you're not saying online, why a new bedroom? Why? I'm moving in the baby. It's cause Kyle's moving in. No, no baby. Not yet. Uh, it's just like to, to go up another bedroom and bathroom would add a

tremendous amount of value where I'm at in my neighborhood and my area. Cause I love the area I'm at. I love my neighborhood, like what I'm surrounded with. And so I want to stay here for a long time. And I'm fortunate enough that like the unfinished area of my house is absurdly big. And so like, even after I add this, and it'll probably be like a 400, 450-ish square foot addition in the basement. I've still got probably 12, 1400 square feet of unfinished left that I could play with. And most of that's going to be gym and storage. But I just want to have that so that if I have to sell or if down the road I need an additional bedroom, it would help. And also I like, I would like when I'm working out to have a bathroom downstairs.

That would be nice. I can just like be lifting and then be like, I gotta pee. I gotta fill up my water again. Just pop into the bathroom, boom, I'm there. I don't have to walk up those cumbersome stairs. Maybe that's not like a 50, $60,000 problem, but it's going, it will, it will be solved by diapers. I just see it as like a, this is the one that's most obviously an investment in my house.

And that makes the most sense. And so I don't want to start with a bathroom upstairs, get totally disillusioned with how long and arduous these processes are, and then go, I don't want to deal with the basement thing. That's going to be a nightmare. I see why my gym is so small. It's like, what do you want? Why don't you get a leg machine? I recognize a leg machine is like $1,500, but the extension to the room is 80 grand.

That's why my gym is so small. That's why. And you have everything you need in there. You have an excellent gym set up, like very, very utilitarian. I liked when you sent us the videos of it. Yeah, it would make more sense to get a steel building outside, just start all over then to expand on your current gym.

That's what 80 grand would do. Might be right, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, yeah. You're gonna have steel buildings, air conditioned and insulated and AC'd up for 80 grand. Yeah. That's exciting. I think Just dad just built a shop

He just built a car shop closer to his house. He's got his is lifting all of his equipment in there He sent me some videos the other day 70 hang on. I do the math in my hand 72 Maybe still out there twisting wrenches. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he likes to be active and do stuff He's always working on something. He likes tinkering He's always like tinkering like just just fucking with shit I remember one time he took two SKS's and with rifles semi-automatic Chinese rifles and he cut the stocks completely off of them removed them from them them, and then he welded them into this machine. And then he made this like a setup so that you turned

a crank and then the crank turned a rod and then the rod had like a camshaft, like two cams on it. I know where this is going. And as the cams went around, they hit the triggers alternating bop bop bop bop bop bop and the faster you turned it the faster they'd shoot so then he took a Dewalt power drill and stuck it on there instead of turning the crank he And those two SKS is with drum mags are just going And this whole thing's mounted to the front of his like his mule his like a TV

Yeah Gator by John Deere kind of yeah. Yeah. Like Gator by John Deere kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He likes those mules. He's he's I think he's on his Kawasaki makes the mule right? Does that sound right? Yeah. Yeah. Although he's got something orange now. Last time I looked, I think he's got a new thing. Maybe a Kabo. Yeah, it is Kabo. The the the Kabo has got a better seat in it. I think I was gonna buy something like that until a subscriber pointed me to the go-kart and My knee my needs are much more light-duty than your father's I just take trash to the curb and get the mail shit like that and

We love our golf carts so much. It's I love that. It has no doors I love that it has well it has a love that it has. Well, it has a key, but it's always set to on. And like by the time my butt's in the chair, my foot's already on the gas. And it's starting up and going in that one second of like not starting. It is so nice. That's what we used for 10 years around the farm before dad got his first mule because the mule is like five grams, like fifty like $5,500, six grand or something. Back then it was.

I think his newer ones are closer to 10 or something. And at that point it's like, fuck, can't we get a 1986 Toyota Tacoma and put a flatbed on it that we make ourselves and we could even put a dump bed on there with some hydraulics and like, we'd have a fucking truck. But instead, you know, at Kubota is convenient because of the doors and I go back,

I've gone back and forth with them about this many times. Like, yeah, but they like the no doors, being able to pop in and out, but it seems like you could rig that Toyota that way. The real selling feature is that you hop in, your ass is half on the seat, like you said, and you just touch that gas and you're gone. Like imagine your task is picking up fallen twigs

and branches from under the trees. Like you're in and out of that seat, throwing it in the bed. It's so nice not to have like a key, all that other stuff. It's also not so expensive that people will steal it if you leave it laying around and it's not fast and powerful enough to hurt yourself on if you're incompetent. And all of those things have come up.

You know, like when we were kids, we were bashing those things into telephone poles and barns and into each other. You know, we had two of them. One of them had three wheels and one of them had four and that club cart, like, we'd eat shit on those things like jackass. We'd race around and jump them and hit each other and they were, because you could get them cheap. I remember there was a guy that sold them out of his yard a few miles from us and he had like 30 in his yard There's a couple grand each that's where we got that one that we took a paintball that time Yeah, oh great. I Hulled that motherfucker from Georgia to Chicago on a trailer. I didn't know that. Oh

I forgot it dude. You want that like that drive drive we made up to Boston was that was a fun drive. I have fond memories that I truly do. But me and Jeremy's drive to Chicago drag in a trailer with a golf cart on it was not fun. That was awful. He also slept through it. But I appreciate it because I don't like talking to him. But like the whole way, fuck it. And I can't let him drive because I don't trust him to drive in the on interstate highways

I remember we were in the far left fast lane going 85 fucking miles an hour pulling this car trailer with this This I had it I had it ratchet strapped down so much that the leaf springs were all the way down like it ain't it's not budging But in front of us suddenly is revealed an entire tire in the center of the lane and I'm just I went he's asleep he's over there was no choice there's no choice it's concrete wall directly to my left and it's lanes of fast traffic to my right. And I'm again, truck and trailer, I'm long. I can't do anything like that. Like I can't zip in and out.

Hold on! And we hit that fucker square in the middle and you could hear it underneath the truck turning over and flipping and popping and jumping. And I saw it in the mirror, jump up and like go in the air and do this sort of fast spinny thing before hitting the road and like going back and it it was nearly a

goddamn disaster Jeremy I saw it you've probably seen it there's a video online where a car hits a tire and the whole car gets like rocketed into the air like eight twelve feet something like that jumped it My tire was not on a wheel that time. I think that tire in the in that video is on a fucking wheel Yeah, yeah, that was that crazy one in a million Johnny Knoxville type shit. I've seen that video It's almost as good as that one police video where inexplicably that interstate driver Hits the the tow truck and jumps it like a Wiley-Ki-O-E ramp. That video lives in my internet hall of fame forever.

Because there was no reason for that guy to do that. He just saw the opening and took it. I've been watching police videos all week, man. I love my police videos. Even more. How many crackheads can you see get shot? I mean, they got two or three every day. Two or three every day. I love those shootouts so much. It's so high tension. The guy's at the top of his own stairs and the cops are down there like, put the swords down, Davey! And he's like, no! And he's got a sword in each hand and he comes running down the stairs and they light him the fuck up and he gets to the bottom and he decides he should let go of those swords. And it's just like, it's this fuck around and find out I told you show so kind of situation

on repeat every day where these guys are tough until they get shot with a fucking handgun and then suddenly it's Help me stop this bleeding Now we're on the same team, huh? Yeah I saw one where this guy this piece of shit had gotten drunk and he's like hanging over his back fence telling the neighbors Five-year-old kids he's gonna shoot him if they don't shut up and he's got a gun and so they call nine one one and the cops got a gun and so they call 911 and the cops send in a drone and they're looking at him from the drone and they are so zoomed in on his

face that you can see like everything and he's just like hanging over the fence with the the pistol being an asshole he's so clearly drunk and little does he, and little does the person watching this video know, that a SWAT team has moved into the family's home, and that they're out there ready to kill him. They shoot through the fence right next to his head and hit him in the arm, and blow a chunk off his arm, and then they go and arrest him. But while they're arresting him he's going oh no oh no my arm it's barely hanging on oh my arm and i'm thinking like yeah dude your arm what were you thinking i can't imagine like talking shit to a cop with a gun oh he's complaining about his arm almost falling off because they're cuffing it behind his back while he has severe damage to the arm. That's true.

That's true. But they do handcuff you after they shoot you. I've seen them do that. They'll kill people. They'll kill people graveyard dead brains in the street and they'll handcuff them. And it's like, oh, what are you? You know, even if he were a zombie, you got it. You you know even if he were a zombie you got him Like count Dracula couldn't get up from the whooping you put on that dude I Saw one today where the guys wanted for kidnapping or some shit, and he just won't show his hands All he had was a walkie-talkie now. He's a walkie-talkie because he's on the run from cuz he's on the lamb

Yeah, yeah, I think he'd actually killed his own daughter, but he won't show him that hand so they let him have it they shot him a couple times. No, well, I think that's fine. Do you want to be a cop? Fuck no No, okay I think there are parts of that job that are appealing and there are parts of that job that are terrifying But that's appealing too. But then there's huge parts of that job where there's this monotony and You also have these pieces of shit if you're a good cop who's trying to be a good cop and you just fucking serve justice Community blah blah blah and you have no ill will in your heart You're just trying to do a good job

Then god damn it if those people putting cameras in your face and fucking with you all the time Wouldn't be the biggest hassle ever It's like I would I know that I personally would be thinking hey, I'd love to cut you some slack But we're wearing a camera now and I'm not allowed to or I'll get in trouble for letting you go So now use can't leave I'm sure that has happened just as much as like bad cops have been found out for doing bad shit And I'm so glad we have body cams. But I bet cops can't let shit slide anymore

the way they used to. Like there's some shit that I think for the greater good, we should let slide occasionally. Sometimes a drunk driver did make it home. It's like, ah, shit, I live right there. So what about loitering? Well, look, those loiterers need to be, Marco Rubio said this today. All right.

He will seek them out. He will find them wherever they loiter. And Secretary of State said that. Absolutely. And what he did say was he mentioned that student who got snatched up and having her visa taken away and is being sent wherever he's like, they're like, what about that? And he's like, yeah, yeah, that's gonna be happening a lot. Yeah, that's what we do.

Yeah. He had that attitude about it. When you insult Israel, it is Taylor. When you don't stand for Israel, we shut you down. Well, you might wanna lower your tone a little bit when you talk about the great nation of Israel. Do you think Taylor looks a little foreign?

Not at all. I think he's got a kind of a Sicilian twinge to him. I have no swarthiness to me. Okay, fascista? I am even whiter than you. Well, maybe not Kyle. She's your very fair skin. Mawfully pale. Yeah, I don't know. I genuinely would. If I were here on a student visa, essentially here at the pleasure of the United States government, I would shut the fuck up.

I would shut the fuck up and I would go to class. That's what I would do. That is also what I would do. But I wouldn't be going to any riots. I wouldn't be burning. Under the Trump administration, I would mind my P's and Q's. I didn't phrase it well at first. Yeah.

You know what that means? That little idiom or whatever comes from? Mind your P's and Q's. Does it have to do with the writing of the text of those two letters? I don't know. I need to give it away a little bit. Let's just say that... I don't know. I'm guessing. I'm going to help you a little. P and Q is short for something in both situations. So you need to mind your P's and your Q's. What are P's and Q's that should be minded? What... and keeping in mind this is sort of... it's sage advice that P's and Q's should be minded. What? And keeping in mind, this is sort of it's sage advice that P's and Q's should be minded. What fits that mold,

do you think? I'm struggling with Q. What the fuck starts with Q that could be minded? Imperial. Your last clue. Imperial. Is it a quill pen reference? Oh, your your pounds and quarters? Is that it?

Close, pints and quarts. Pints and quarts. It means you need to watch your alcohol consumption. Oh, that's... I had no idea what I was saying. Okay. Yeah, peas and quarts. Damn it, I was almost there.

Yeah, you were. You know, that is a fun fact. It's rare that you actually get a good one like that. My mind was racing Oh, yeah, not wait. I wasn't saying I was saying it was rare that a fun fact is that fun And I enjoyed that one my mom was racing to like old-timey fonts where P's and Q's needed to be carefully formed. I couldn't get it. I thought about that. It's polygraphy fonts where it's not drawn correctly. Mind your P's.

It's like dot your I's and cross your T's and I was just like, what is it about P's and Q's that are so much trickier than the other letters? That's where my head was. I guess pines and courts. Well, what do you drink by the court? Other than mead and milk. I'm thinking a good mead.

That's what I'm imagining, a nice honeyed mead. I've never had mead. Dude, I see these fucking like douchebags on YouTube making mead and I'll be like, yeah, I bet that's delicious and then I fucking snap myself back into reality and remind myself that there's no way it tastes as good as Dr. Pepper or like apple juice or like any shit that's supposed to actually taste good. No alcohol beverage is gonna hold the candle like Diet Pepsi when it comes to flavor itself. Meat is interesting though in the there's this part in Robin Hood the OG one with Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman's a Moor so he's a Muslim and everybody part in Robin Hood the OG one with Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman's a moor

um so so he's uh he's a Muslim and uh everybody's drinking Robin Hood the merry man everybody's getting drunk as shit having a good old time yeah yeah yeah and uh Freeman is the moor weren't the moors Arabs yes and therefore Muslim um well you know they're fighting the crusades and uh they're probably in Turkey or some shit, but anyway, uh Robin Hood offers him some some booze Kevin Costner with a terrible english accent. He's like come on We're all drinking or whatever. He's like he quotes the quran and it's something like Allah forbids that I drink the fermented Product of of wheat or grain or barley or or or whatever and or grape and uh, and he says, ah, this is made of honey. And they both like, oh shit. And then it's like breaking it as like loophole. Like I don't understand the loophole of religions. I don't get it. Like you're not,

the guy that you're supposedly like tricking is the master of the universe. You fools. Like this sounds like some fairy tale shit. You sound like you're at the middle of a fairy tale right before God shows up and like throws you into a dungeon or something for for working on the Sabbath or eating shrimp or wearing. Yeah, mixed fabric. Yeah, that's where you'll see like the Orthodox Jews be like, we're not supposed to leave our houses on on Shabbos, which is Saturday. And so we tied a bunch of strings to the light poles and then a rabbi decreed that this is an extension of our home because it's enclosed. And now I can go get a nice corned beef sandwich.

And it's like, all right, well, this isn't really in the this isn't really in the spirit of the rule, but whatever. Have fun. Yeah. Is that what's that? And I'm in favor of that. If that helps them get more corned beef sandwiches or pastrami, then it's a cause you can get behind.

You are getting dangerously close to a Guatemalan prison. What? I hear these antisemitic little taunts. Trust me. I hear the dog whistle. Have you been cataloging them as well? Your pastrami and corned beef sandwich talk. All right. You don't like pastrami and corned beef? I actually know I don't like it. You ever

been to, I think it's called Cat's Deli in New York, the really famous one? If I went to New York, that would be like one of my first stops is I want to get one of those giant delicious sandwiches from cats. I went with a Jew and he hooked he he ordered for me and it was tremendous. It was tremendous. It was so good. He ordered for you. Wait, what did he get? He told me what to get. It's been a decade, but I'm sure it was probably probably corned beef or pastrami. It was a big meaty sandwich that was I remember. I don't know. That's all I remember. I remember being very good. I remember being big and meaty. And I remembered that it was that movie

deli. I think it's it's been in a lot of movies. Okay, well, it's probably cats then I worked with the Jewish guy years ago, and he wanted us to go to lunch at this Jewish deli. And I was like, Oh, okay, nice. Like Jews are fucking sick at delis. And then I got there. But it was breakfast time. It was like a late breakfast thing, not in a lunch thing. And I saw on the menu, they were serving bacon. And even though I ordered the bacon, it was still a feeling of like, commit. Like, like you guys are are only one foot in to this because I bet cats doesn't have ham, right? They're probably all in on delicious beef.

Oh, absolutely they do. No, no, no. Oh, there's no way that that place is Halal. Isn't the right kosher? Kosher. Yeah. There's no way they're kosher. I'm sure they had pork there. I mean, maybe I thought the real Jewish delis would be like mostly pushing the tasty beefs. I think they are more interested in the money that they'll get from selling. Do you think that? Wow. That they could get from. I mean, you're going to have a hard time selling sandwiches. Kyle thinks I'm not telling the rest of the signal chat about these thoughts of his that he's mistaken.

No, got the goal. No, got the goal. I'm texting JD. Right now. Isn't that like just on a basic level? Wild to have someone that high up named JD. That's such a cartoon network name. He renamed himself three times, you know?

I don't know. I don't know a ton about him. Wait, what was it originally? It was something very similar to what it is. He changed what JD stands for at one point, and then he changed his last name at one point. It says James David Vance, and so is that the made up one? That's probably his newest name. He's had six too to I thought he was

He towers over the president You know who's uh, you know, it's not as big as I thought they were Reacher I got a place Reacher how big do you I thought he think that fellow is six five. I Was gonna say six four the character is six five. The actor's only six three He talked about his interview for that part and he's like I was worried cuz I'm only six three and they really wanted someone who was to the left because they did that Tom Cruz thing he's a little guy in six foot five. He's like they wanted a giant and He said that his heart was beating so hard in the interview that they could hear it through his microphone And they thought it was interference that he had to like sneakily take it off

So they wouldn't hear his heart pound they thought it was interference. That he had to like sneakily take it off so they wouldn't hear his heart pound. They thought it was drums or something. I like that. Yeah, he's a likable guy. He's a big enough dude. He plays that well. They shoot him to, I thought he was 6'5", the way they filmed him.

And they also write it into the show. When people meet him, they're like, oh, fuck, how did I miss you? Shit. I remember they zip tied his hands together in prison and he kept asking him to remove the zip ties. When they finally agreed, he just broke them. Yeah, yeah.

He's very much a superhero. That's almost exactly what Superman did in Man of Steel. Remember, he wears them until like later. He's like, plink. He's like, look, I can't wait. I'll just get along. He's like blink. He's like look. I can't wait. I'll just get a Pull his hands apart if these make you feel more comfortable. Okay. Yeah, I I was watching a video last night of the the actors from invincible doing their their lines

I'm curious about how that works, you know, like like how you animated show, but they're all in the same room together It's a scene between the core family between Omni-Man, his wife and Mark. And they're all like side by side by side reading to each other. It was really cool to see them work because they're all just absolute professionals. J.K. Simmons is so good. I think I just went on a little Wikipedia clicking. Dwayne Johnson is six four, which seems to check out.

And then I clicked over to John Cena, he's 6'1", which I guess checks out, but I thought he would have been bigger. And then under his, I'm just going through the people also searched for area underneath that, which is very handy sometimes. The Undertaker, he was in there and I was like, I remember him being a famous wrestler, although I've never watched wrestling. How tall do you think the Undertaker is six nine? The Undertaker I'm gonna guess six seven six ten. Ooh

What a monster I? Did not know this guy was such is it true though a huge maybe he's like a Hollywood six ten You can't high five inches or something though. He's clearly a giant guy. Oh yeah, you can't. You can hide in the NB 64 in the NBA. How tall is Howard Stern? Oh, I used to know I'm going to say 66. OK, sure, I had 65 in my head.

OK, that's what he says. Yeah, and. Then he would meet these NBA players who were like 696768 That's what he says. Yeah. And then he would meet these NBA players who were like six, nine, six, seven, six, eight. And they were always about six, five. And he- Yep. Really? Cause he's a true six, five.

And these guys were, for what it's worth, the NBA changed that and a lot of heights changed. Maybe two, three years ago, they did accurate heights. Taylor, how tall do you think Steph Curry is you know, Steph Curry, right? Yeah, he's a really good shooter Yes, six foot Three Woody you might know six to one I think is he?

we looked at it the other day and I was shocked because I don't know the crisp. He's or not Chris Paul, but um, he's still got a six to online But that's also like the Wikipedia amalgamation Oh short that's so short to be like I get that he's a three-point. That is that's barely taller than I am. What a bitch I Saw I think it was cat Williams or somebody talking about They used to have basketball games like at their house and they were paying Steph Curry at the time to like common play. I, I, he wasn't in the, in the league at the time. I don't think, I think he was college or something. Like he was like paying him five grand to come like play at his house.

And he talked about like how the range that he had, they saw that he was like, dude, they don't even start playing defense in the NBA until you get to the three point line. And that's your range is over there Yeah, he talked about that a while ago. I don't care about that game at all. But when I watched Steph Curry shoot, it's beautiful It's wild. I saw him make a shot on the internet recently Off the court like he's the whole distance of the court and he's in the tunnel like on the way to the locker rooms and that camera angle He didn't make it but I but I he had the fact that he had almost so it hit the net It went just the perfect angle that it hit the net and swoosh and it looked it's so quick that it looks like it's nothing

But if you get the other camera angle, you can see that it passes just under the rim But he threw it from so far. I can't throw it that far. I can't either. Not even close. Like half court is a good hurl. Wait for a basketball. Yeah. You could both hurl a basketball. I know I can from half court.

I'm saying but that's a good hurl. Half court is about my range. I'm maybe stronger now than I was, you know a long time ago, but I don't know also. I'm not really a gifted thrower like you guys are I can hit the backboard but like Getting the nuance of an arc to where the poop is is beyond me Like that that's the thing like like you have to have half court range But also it needs to be an arc not see I would hurl it I'd throw it like a baseball you'd grab it like this and like kind of get a jump and then push throw it

I don't know that I have range like that yes you tried to throw a ball like that I was in high school and I remember needing to getting it back here and like like throw it and even take a step no unless you're like profoundly unathletic, like you would absolutely have the range to do a jump push. How far is it? It's not that far. It's a basketball. It's like what, 40 feet probably?

I feel like I'm the guy who's supposed to know when I don't. 50 feet? How big is an NBA court? 100 or no, it has to be more than 100 feet. That would be absurd if it was 100. 94 feet. That's far. But that's not half court.

I'm sorry, that's the I looked up the length of a court, so no one knows what half of 94 is, but. OK, so you got you got you got 47 feet. That's not that crazy to hurl it. You guys could both do it. You guys are. You guys are both selling yourselves short. I mean, I got a hoop in my backyard. I'll I'll I'll test this out tomorrow. You have a basketball hoop. Yeah, you ever tool around and, you guys are both selling yourselves short. I mean, I got a hoop in my backyard. I'll, I'll, I'll test this out tomorrow.

You have a basketball hoop? Yeah. You ever tool around and you know, shoot some? Not once ever. Really? I don't care about basketball one bit, but if there was a hoop in my backyard, I guarantee I'd be like shooting on it sometimes.

Just having fun. A concrete pad too. Yeah, you should. Don't even own a ball. I would definitely have a ball. You don't think it seems kind of fun just to go like shoot a little bit for us. Jesus Christ. The same way I use the league is white. Yeah, his name is Bialdio Bialdivic.

And that cultural appropriating euro trash needs to be drummed out of the league and sent packing back to his Eastern block pinko commie shit hole of a country where all the houses look the same. Slovenia is not gray rectangles with little square windows. And also all those black players are culturally appropriating that like suspender wearing Georgia farmer who like basket up there and was like, Hey, I want to invent a popular sport.

I'm not even going to cut a hole in the bottom. So it's a huge deal. I don't know how ratings are from the NBA, but that would, I would have a game where we went old school with it. And we brought back the peach basket for a game, just to get to bring back the class basket. And we get the oldest ball that works. Like, like, like.

It would be fun. I don't know if they can pull it off, but I'd like to see an outdoor game. Like a, like a playground style game. Why not do a dome? Sure, pull that off. The NHL does that. They put a whole ice rink in.

That's where I stole the idea from. Yeah. They put like a whole ice rink in brave stadium. Well, not brave stadium, cause they don't have a team, but like, you know, Yankee stadium. And then they play there, which to me always looks like the worst viewing experience of all time, but they somehow sell it out every day. Do they now have like proper ice creation? It seemed like they chose really cold places originally. Yeah. They do like New York or Minnesota or Detroit. Like they pick somewhere called Chicago.

The blues beat the hell out of the Chicago Blackhawks. A few years ago. Basketball works though. You could put basketball in the- That could be anywhere. In a dome and then just put the seating on the field and it would be great. I'd love to see outdoor everything. For some reason, Dana White's been asked for years to do a UFC fight outdoors. That's what we wanted for that fight island thing. We all pictured the Mortal Kombat arena where you're on the beach and you have that fight and like everybody wanted that so bad. But

it is the dome takes away what I'm looking for though. I want it to be windy. I want it to be outdoor. I want one side to have the sun, you know, and the other side not to like I want it to be windy. I want it to be outdoor. I want one side to have the sun, you know, and the other side not to like I wanted to be playground ball in the same way that they play something kind of like lake hockey. I want to see. Yeah. Yeah. I like the hockey way they do it because like one of the games, maybe it was the St. Louis Chicago game in Chicago. It was so cold that they had to have heated benches and they had to even like put their water bottles in a special area so they didn't freeze. And even the goalies were wearing like stocking caps over their helmets. I was going to say the players ran back to the locker room sometimes between shifts until I

realized I was describing Mystery Alaska, the hockey movie. Yeah, I didn't was describing mystery Alaska. Yeah. The hockey movie. Yeah, I didn't see him do that. But. That was my mistake. Hockey does it pretty good with the outdoor games. And there was one, maybe in the past two, three years, where it was like actively, I think it was the Minnesota one,

probably Minnesota versus Dallas or something. And it was snowing like aggressive snowing. And that was fun to see. **Jay Stalbaum** I love that for hockey. It doesn't really work as well for basketball, but that's the kind of thing I want. Even drizzle doesn't work that well for basketball, but put some wind in there, put some sun in there. Heck, you could do it on Venice beach. I don't know. Right? Like, just change it up. Why don't they? Like, why is hockey the only one that does it? It's not a very good ticket selling event, but.

Oh, I mean, if it's a good ticket selling event for the NHL, the NBA is way more popular than the NHL. I've heard Zana White say it's weather, but I don't believe that because you can do it in LA and that's not an issue anymore, right? How many days a year does it rain in LA? Like clearly not enough. Yeah, not a lot. Well, it's not guaranteed good weather like indoors, but.

It's true. It's not guaranteed, but like. I wonder if the players are against it. Oh, I didn't think about worse potential surface issues. Like, right. Imagine just one guy slips on the Sandy Venice beach event that Woody dreamed up and now like $120 million a year athlete is fucked. Not Jokovic. No, they're pro athletes.

They can handle a little slip. They've all played basketball outside, probably on slippery surfaces a billion times. They're pros. Like, that just doesn't... Okay, I'll let you over. Keep doing what you're doing and watch your ratings keep shrinking.

Yeah, so Envy, I didn't know this. I know you'd mentioned it before, but you're doing and watch your ratings keep shrinking. Yeah, so I didn't know this. I know you'd mentioned it before, but I figured it would have rebounded by now. NBA ratings are struggling right now? It was a big story a couple months ago. I assume there, I mean, it's been trending bad for years. I don't know what it is.

I don't know if it's the, some people, there's a lot of people have different answers. Some say it's a three point shot that just makes Right. It used to be like you'd see the new york nicks really strong tough players Maybe detroit pistons against some other like slick team. They all had different styles. Every team is the same style now Falbate and shoot the three-point shot, which a lot of players a lot of people don't like as much that's one issue. Another is um, shot, which a lot of people don't like as much. That's one issue. Another is the NBA got kind of political in COVID times.

They've replaced their names with Black Lives Matter, Don't Shoot. Oh, yeah. That's alienating. Talking some of these up. Alienating, right, right. I don't know. Different people have different things.

But Space Jam movie. LeBron Space Jam movie didn't bring it. Apparently that could be it. But anyway, I still like where he stand, where this is a, this is a Reddit post. So who knows, but he made a graph. So I trust it. He says that over the past four seasons,

the, the, the chance that a game will be a blowout, which I guess the metric he's using, I don't know if this is true, but a 20 point differential game would be a blowout by NBA standards. That's like one in five games. And so that like he says 19%. And so that does seem to be like, okay, like if that's the case, there are a lot of games that people just tune out early or they don't watch in the first place because there's not as much like hockey, like, you know, what do you like? Anything can happen on any given night. You get a little bit of puck luck. You have one guy, you have the goalie that you have, your goalie randomly gets hot. Anything can happen. Deflections.

Yeah, basketball is so. I read that hockey has the highest amount of upsets in the playoffs. Being the top seed doesn't get you as much in hockey as it seems to in other sports. The blues might make the playoffs as the last seed. At this point, it's bad because we're not going to get a good draft pick anyway. The worst

possible outcome is that we missed the playoffs by like one point in Minnesota gets in and we don't and then we get some horseshit pick. So OK, I'm fucking Swedish guy who's on nobody's radar. That would be bad, but the Blues are also on the

hottest team in the NHL right now. They've won seven in a row. And so maybe, how about my black? Maybe we sneak in because Kyle, you probably don't know. When the Blues won in 2019, they were the worst team in hockey at Christmas. And then Robert Bortuzzo, and I want to say Braden Shen or someone else, it was a huge story in the hockey world that a professional NHL team had a fistfight between two players in the middle of practice and the footage leaked of them fighting each other. And everyone in the hockey world was like the Blues are the biggest dumpster fire that's ever happened in the NHL. They're literally fighting like real fighting in practice. And then they went to Philly, they got a big win against the Flyers that was unexpected. New goalie Jordan Bennington plays great. And then they went to some bar and all got wasted together and that song Gloria played. And then they were just unstoppable for the rest of the season. Got in the playoffs one. It was like a Cinderella story. If it

was, if the New York Rangers did what the St. Louis Blues did, they would have made a movie about it four years ago, but it's St. Louis Blues did, they would have made a movie about it four years ago. But it's St. Louis, so nobody's going to give a shit. It's like one of the most insane comeback stories in professional sports history. Outside the crime and that arch, you know, it's just, it's hard to get a story drummed up about y'all. Well, the crime is, is like a negative. Like we don't, we don't want that. Bank robber movie. Like I'd watch that, you like some some you know some St. Louis bank robber.

Someone robs a bank, flees into East St. Louis and the the bank robbing base is finally fired up and motivated. Good. In the beginning of the season, we were trying to win and we weren't very good at it, but now we're trying to lose and we are the best in the league at it. No one has, I think we didn't win a game in February. I don't think we won a game in February. And we're on a tough streak right now.

We were against five other teams in a row who are also trying to lose three losses already. No one can lose to us. We're so terrible. Our whole team has, dude, in basketball, you might have one or two players who spent time in the G League, which is the minor leagues in basketball. All 12 of our players have some minor league playing time this year. We are not even fielding an NBA team at this point.

Good for them. That's min-maxing. That's what you should do in that situation. And so people, Philly fans should be like, hell yeah, GM. Thank you for securing us a good draft pick. That's how you do it. We have a player who's practicing with the splint on his finger right now, who's pretty good. And all the fans are like, dude, next year's a whole new year, man. You don't have to come back.

Don't ruin our tank. You're good at basketball. You idiot. We don't want you out there scoring. Go play Fortnite or something. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's a good show. Okay. All right. Pka 745. Check the links in the description. Go see our guest. That's a wrap.