Painkiller Already - PKA 764 W/ King Trout: Rental Nightmare Stories

Episode Date: August 9, 2025

PCA 764 with our guest, King Trout. Taylor. This episode of PCA is brought to you by our merchandise and lock and load. Check it out. You'll enjoy it. Trout. How are you? Doing good. How are you guys? Thanks for having me on. Yeah. Yeah. I've watched a few of your videos. The one that sucked me in and I liked the most, mainly because it just confirmed something I've believed for a long time with no evidence, no due diligence, is that recycling is a scam. Oh, 100%.

I was listening to that, and I'm like, yes, this guy, this guy fucking gets it, because that shit is a scam. Oh, that's why I burn 100% of my garbage. I don't want it buried in the earth. Dude, I was like, I was one of those fools. Like, I was one of those silly billies, the first few years I lived here where, like, I was actually somewhat conscious of like, oh, this plastic soda bottle should go in the recycling. There were even times where I had like a greasy pizza box and I was like, oh, I guess I got to smash this into a tiny. any little thing to fit it in the garbage instead of this like perfectly free and open recycling because I've heard online that's not good and then our garbage company changed like two years ago

and I shit you not I will go out there sometimes when I hear the truck and I'll watch and the same truck picks up my garbage and then picks up my recycling and dumps them into the same truck and so this past weekend I got I got like bold with it I filled my entire recycling with yard waste I'm not spending money on those paper bags when it's all going in there anyway I got those magic trucks that sort of on the inside

that was like the first thing that kicked me off because I used to give a shit too and I watched the truck dump it like same garbage truck trash truck picked it up and I started like looking into it

and I found out like 90 fucking percent of our recycling just ends up in our landfills anyway and we were exporting like most of our recycled goods to third world countries and they don't give a shit like they just burn it

China, India, Malaysia. That's where all of that ocean waste comes from. I'm Captain Pollution. I don't even care. They took my garbage today and I watched them do the same thing Taylor described, except in my recycling was an old car battery. You got to throw it in the ocean to keep the electric eels charged. Yeah. I mean, those in rivers out. Dude, I had a neighbor at my old house. This is like five-ish years ago. And he was slow. I don't know if you could put a medical term to it, other than

retarded. But waterheaded. Moron, Mongolian. Just a little slow. He was like probably 40-ish. And I swear to God, because I was a contractor back then. I do internet shit full time now, but back then I was a contractor.

And so I'd take customers, like, ways from the jobs I was doing home. And I'd throw it in the bins. And I swear to God, every time I would be throwing something I shouldn't have. bin into like the wheelie bin dumpster whatever you want to call it he would roll up on his fucking bike ring his bell twice skirt the brakes in my gravel driveway and be like you're supposed to put that in there Josh it's okay to put giant chunks of broken concrete in the garbage it's all going the same place but he didn't pick up on that he wouldn't be

a lot of garbage men are they're kind of hip to my my tricks I tried to sneak an old propane tank out in the garbage one time. It was just wrapped in a trash bag and they were like, what fuck is this? Like, ah, it's empty. He goes, no, it's not. I'm going to compress it. I'm like, it's just the heat of the day adding a little pressure zong, you know, no big deal. What if the freaking crusher in the truck blew it up, Kyle? It's going to blow it up, Woody. Problem solved. Not my chair, not my problem. It wouldn't blow it up, blow it up. It would just decompress it a little. You need to get it going. It's not an explosion. It's just an extremely rapid decompression in a contained area.

Not a big deal. Not a big deal. And car battery thinks not a joke. Yeah, that too. That's like if Kaczynski had no ambition. It's just thrown from being sacks in people's garbage. Yeah. That is bold. It's like a translucent bag. You can see the blue rhino they're like who the fuck is this guy it was a black trash bag you get your deposit back you drop it off at the hardware store and they get like 40 bucks thing with the battery uh

yeah but but you know i ain't got time for all that you're missing out blowing away the propane tank that's never you're a new level of polluter that's never crossed my mind I'm a total normie I'm like there's no pollution there it's aluminum or steel probably it's just a chunk

of steel it's empty it was empty mostly Kyle's a parallel to that guy who like throws rocks off the bridge Someone might not You know All right come on That's manslaughter you're talking about

I'm talking about I'm talking about villain I don't know what's below a manslaughter Right maybe it is manslaughter Reckless homicide? What did the trashy Daisy What people got hurt It wasn't literally a full propane tank

I used the propane for cooking and such It was literally the heat of the day I had a little pressure to the fucking tank It was going to be fine. It was disconnected from your grill and open the spout, man. Let it into, again, the world's trash. Again, it was the heat of the day. The heat of the day sometimes makes it go,

he's like, I'm getting lightheaded. The mover wouldn't transport my peanut oil. He said that was a fire hazard. I got like a four gallon, five gallon jug of peanut oil for frying turkeys. And he was like, oh, no, no, the oil. he's hazardous and like you serious man come on he's like I got you and the ten minutes

later he came back like I don't have you they shut me down like you gotta you see him squatting over a storm drain it's just it's good oil it's I don't remember what it costs but it's not free so you know I keep

my turkey oil when we moved to North Carolina we had some sort of lube for sex that they wouldn't like do I guess is it a petroleum product or something that's what they claimed but uh so they like packed the house and they took the sex lube and like prominently displayed it on a shelf so we knew that it wasn't packed but it was like a little discretion would be cool here there's a lot of people coming and going that's how it went

down do you remember what brand because because i buy wet platinum in the one gallon jug and it has a pump on the side like like lava uh like gojo or whatever that that uh mechanics uh liquid soap and that's definitely a fire hazard. It's a gallon of loop. I think it was astrogly, but I think they make a lot of different kinds of loo. I'm not sure. Yeah, wet, there's water based. That's the ones like, like KY, the traditional KY jelly that gets kind of tacky after a while. It's not a fan of that. And then there's the silicone based that's that wet platinum-esque, slippery forever. If you spill it on your hardwood floors, it's time for home alone style stuff. That's definitely flammable. I've almost cracked my head

open, like showering after using that before because it just goes straight onto your shower floor and then it's the slickest thing known to man. The water stuff is slicker. The silicone stuff lasts longer. It's good for like 3,000 miles, but the water stuff

when it's in its time is as slick as it's going. So it depends. You have your choice. You can either give up some of the lube and go silicone-based or you can reapply. I don't like the reapplication, and I also don't like, I don't like everything being all tacky and sticky after, at least with the silicone-based loop. It's kind of like oil. Like, you can kind of like rub it into your skin and be like, ah, that's part of the patina now. You're going to be a tacky, sticky mess when it's over, no matter what, Kyle. You like to season your, you like to season your, you like to season your, I don't play with you anymore. I think he had three gallons of peanut oil. I have used, like back of the day I used coconut oil. That was my go-to.

before I discovered wet platinum. I would have like a little jar of coconut oil in the bedroom. And, you know, at room temperature, it's solid. So you got to, like, reach in there with three fingers and claw out, like a little clump of it and get it melted. And you're like, yeah, baby, just give me 45 more seconds. Yeah, no, no, it is cold in here. I do keep it cold in here. I was through a coconut oil phase two.

And honestly, it was the application that I didn't like. I prefer a pump top. Yeah, it's a little gritty and the mealy at first. to see until it melts in. I do like the smell, though. You know, wet platinum smells like nothing. Most lube smell like nothing. I don't want a flavored lube either.

But coconut oil is just, you know, it's naturally coconut-y. That was kind of nice. Same reason I use bacon grease. It makes sense. That's hurrah. The yeast infections are terrible. I don't know why you have constantly

have UTIs. It's probably because you're gross. Yeah, I'm like, honey, I don't want the dog to join in. All right, fun. It smells like breakfast. Switch to beef tallow. That would be so funny RFK is like

This is the only thing I'll use the fuck you with He's constantly giving UTIs to his harem of What was he cheating with like a million women at one point And he's like I don't want to get caught So I'm going to keep a novel of this On my coffee table Near my wife's side of the couch And then she's going to read it and

Like surely she knew the whole time But when she wanted to divorce him She just used that as evidence. Probably. The woman who's the wife in Curbier Enthusiasm? No, she's still with him. That's Cheryl Hines. She's still his wife.

You see her at events and stuff. It's a little awkward because clearly she's plugged into like Hollywood liberal like people. And those are her friends and co-workers. And then there she is on RFK's arm at a Trump event, at a UFC fight. That's great. I watched the Trump show. every week. It's my favorite show. He was on the roof this week.

That was a cool episode. Some people say he jumped the shark. I disagree. I hope he goes back up there more and gesticulates and maybe give some orders. Remember when Saddam shot the rifle out on the balcony? I'd like a moment like that. What was he

doing up there? I think he was, I think they're I have heard that he is a terrible businessman, terrible money man, but he's a great contractor from people that hate him. And I imagine he's up there enjoying actually knowing what he's talking about for once and being like, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, little cornerstone there. What kind of tile was that? Yep, he's a good tile guy. Like, oh yeah, you're going to want to put this over there.

I think he was doing that. I think they're doing the ballroom edition. It's 200 mil. They just paved over the Rose Garden, made that look very Spartan. And I don't know, he's probably up there putting up a satellite dish or something. I think he was visualizing what the enlarged East Wing would be like if it were a ballroom. Perhaps, yes. That had me curious, like the expansion on the White House. Where do we

rank like the U.S. in the world of like leaders palaces and ruler? Because I know we get blown out by like Buckingham Palace. That Russian one seems huge. Yeah, there's one in Argentina. It's like the pink house or something. It's pretty sick if I remember right? Really. Exactly. Can we

see the pink house? Yeah, I don't know. I guess it depends if you're talking about like size, square footage, opulence, or maybe like security and technology integration. I bet the White House is I bet the White House is one of the best in the world as far as security and technology integration. They dug that bunker. I was talking about months ago where you could see when during the Obama administration they had the the big tent over the dig they were doing to add to the underground tunnel network. This is pretty nice. I mean, looks like a tourist destination. It looks like a Disney World Hotel.

Yeah. It does. If there was like a giant Ripley's believe it or not tilted sign on there, I'd believe it. What does the pink flamingo look like, Zach? The Disney World Hotel. I want to see that. I can compare them.

Yeah, I bet. I'm pretty sure there's one. The inside of that might be more opulent than the White House, but there's no way they have like the tech and security. But regardless, we should minimum demand that we are top three in opulence and size. I'm wrong. Really? Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Why? Why would we want his... For who? For him? You want Trump to have a nicer digs? No, not for Trump. For the country. For the next president.

It's not like the old days where they just stuck a big wheel of cheese in the forier and invited everybody to come and partake. You know, you can't just... I think they canceled the White House tours a while back. Remember when that crazy guy just jumped the fence and walked in? Yeah, I wonder if they're still canceled

Hunter Biden's stores. But I don't know. I'm looking for the source of that cocaine baggie. They still haven't gotten to the bottom. Do you see the interview with him? He's actually Hunter Biden. Yeah. I saw a couple clips of it.

Yeah. Now that he's like sober, allegedly, he's like very coherent. He sounds almost identical to Biden if he could form a sentence. It's in the mannerisms. Like, yeah. I'd ever realized how much they look alike and speak alike until that interview. you. Yeah, I was watching an old clip of Biden and I was like

Prime Biden. That's what I realized how much they looked like was. I knew pictures of Hunter that were younger than he actually was. And then I think they were making fun of Biden and they were showing him lying about his college transcripts when he was running for president in like the 80s or something. And

I'm like, oh, that's what Hunter looks like now. They look very similar. Very similar. You can almost envision what his dick would look like or what he looks like if he's smoking crack. I, yeah. I have a mental image of that. I have a mental image of that. Who was it that held up the picture of his dick on the floor?

Marjorie Taylor Green. Wow, she's a class act. She says she's leaving the Republican Party. We'll see. What's she going to join? I don't think she said. The Confederacy? She said the Republican Party is too anti-woman for her

and that she went. Maybe she'll join Musk's party. I don't know. The party of H-1B visa holders and... The party of imagination that's... does barely exist? Musk will pretend to have a party until he is politically appeased by the left or the right

and then his party will vanish. Yeah, probably. Wouldn't argue against that. So MTG is leaving? She's going to go like Bernie Sanders mode which is independent, but vote with the right every single time the way Bernie votes

with the left. He's like, I'm independent. And it's like, Bernie, shut up. You get all your money twice to the DNC. The left always has a couple of those like yeah i'm not really a democrat i'm just a person who votes like one yeah there's always those guys in politics that's a slight that's a difference that i can appreciate i know bernie hasn't been cozying up to israel the way the entire left seems to most of the time um you should appreciate i know you'd appreciate that i've seen him speak out on the israel thing time and time

again um you know and aOC to a lesser extent same thing you know my my sexy socialist mommy you think she's still sexy some people are saying she's losing it packing on some pounds packing on some pounds it's right wing propaganda all right I saw her at the Puerto Rican day parade yucking it up with that

communist and dancing on that she was on a he was on a parade float wearing a red dress and look she had a little tummy but that's a that's a thick Latino mommy right there all right there's nothing wrong with that she could burn that off in in a summer

of jogging. There's more than one thing. I believe it's called. Right? Maybe that's a perfect version of a woman. There was a dude to my chat who said he likes women who look like fertility statues. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Those old... Just say fat. Just

just headless and made of granite from the... Show those like Paleolithic fertility statues. They all look the same from all the cultures. It's bizarre. You know the theory behind that? Why they all

look like that? I know a few theories. What's yours? The one I've always heard is that it's their self portraits. So women carved them. The reason they don't have heads is because it's their perspective looking down at their own body. So their tits and their stomach are huge and their legs are tiny and they don't have a head. Yeah, I've heard that, that they were accurate representations of what women looked like as well. Or they were the, they were the ideal. Like if you were a man back then, like a woman who looked like that, it's like she can pump the kids out. Look at those. Those are childbearing hips. She's got she's got eight gallons of milk stat

like she's got fat reserves like if hard times come this is the kind of woman who can keep creating milk without eating you know what I went to I went to Walmart earlier I saw her seven times yeah all right this one this has got to be a joke one

yeah this is a man hang on a minute this one looks familiar oh my gosh I know holy shit Okay, all right, keep moving along I've had enough for Jillies, I can only get so soft This is definitely what I've seen this lady before

Yeah, we did see the Indian ones With like nice ticked You're Jack, take down the statue That's another self-portrait there Everyone else in the village is like Everyone else in the village is like Did you see fucking Tony's self-portrait? Poor guy, not even vaguely connected to reality.

It thinks his dick is four feet long. That'd be great. Like the first person to sculpt anything, everybody must have been so stoked on you. Like, whoa, you're good at this. And it's like, I know. I know. No one else has even tried yet.

Yeah. I don't think I'd want to fuck a fertility statue style lady, especially not that second one we saw it, where it kind of looked like a man playing with his flat titties. kind of kind of very much like that yeah kind of exactly like that I could even see like the indent of

glasses on it it was almost like a like a like Jack created that one with AI just for the lulls no I've seen all those theories and then what's interesting about those people like the cave dwelling people is I don't think they ever drew faces like they did all that cave art and they would have lions

and tigers and bears and antelope and they would even have these herds and it would be in such a way that when the light moved in the cage the cave the the paintings would even move seem to move a little bit but i don't remember any people faces in any of those paintings ever i don't think i do either but i also have not spent as much time as you looking at cave painting walls looks like they kind of they kind of figured out the buffalo and they were like pack it in boys this is art this is what we do yeah there's a lot of series about like what those paintings were about that like maybe they were teaching the young like what the animals of the area looked like or maybe it was just like doodles or maybe it was events that they had seen like telling a story about a hunt that they were on or something like that's boring that's fascinating yeah stupid story one time i saw like 10 buffalo that'd be a great story bro 12,000 years ago for a whole day yeah yeah grug we were all there it was this morning we can still look out the cave entrance and see them I like to think it was like kids like the same way kids will doodle with crayons on the wall now like there was probably a cave mom

that was like your son is wrecking our cave wall again they get their hands you can see it's adults you can even see some of them or don't have all their fingers well that was before the pinky evolved they put their hand up and then they blew the pigment onto it I did that in kindergarten I made a turkey

on a paper plate it's pretty dope yeah it wasn't it's impressive I don't believe they were going for turkeys for sec that was a great like the teacher's hungover activity just do this after this we're going to watch land before time

and it's like we're going to make turkeys at our hands and it's like it's March like what are we doing yeah do you guys think about that now like those days where your teacher in elementary

stool was like clearly hung over like projector day anytime they wheeled the projector into the classroom you guys probably had VCRs we did later maybe even CDs anyway anytime they wheeled that shit in you knew the teacher was taking a day off

I remember the overhead projector you remember that thing you turn the lights off and you got that little and she's putting the clear laminate stuff on there throwing it up on the board yeah like if I asked you to like you know on the fly write something out for students

would you want the overhead projector or would you want a mouse to try to draw your numbers and letters right it's better than PowerPoint too like it's and I don't know if there's some sort of like right pad integration for PowerPoint but you need that because their ability to like take that marker

and draw on the transparent and be and like circle things and especially with geometry if there was any like she's trying to explain something it was I mean that's how we learned I don't know what they do now they have these things They're like smart boards they're called. So it like projects the computer screen up onto the screen.

And then they use like a special pen. Oh, like a weatherman. Yeah, basically. That sounds fun. Do you guys remember with the overhead projector when the teacher would like make a mistake and then like lick their finger and you spit to wipe it off? And then you had to look up on the board and there was like a spit smear of the old red marker. I hated that.

I had a teacher. I forget which class it was. But he used chalk. And you know how to use a chalk on a chalkboard. You sort of tilt the chalk and you drag it across the chalkboard. Well, he would tilt it and then go the wrong direction. And it would go, and he made perfect dotted lines. He did it on purpose.

Yeah. I was like, that whole, oh, I didn't know you could do that. What is this tech? On the disgusting spit teacher note, we had a sixth grade English teacher who, he was a super creep. And he was, dude is gay as the day is long. but I went to a Catholic school so he wasn't allowed to be openly gay

but he would get foam in the corners of his mouth from talking and then he would like screately wipe it and he'd walk down the like rows of kids and like put his hand on their shoulders and wipe it off on him. It was so fucking gross. Every time he walked by everybody would...

That is hilarious. That guy's like I can't be openly gay so I'm doing something else. Got it some weird shit. And then we didn't have air conditioning so in the spring it would get like super hot and I love it I was a little piece of shit still I am but I love fucking with him

and I learned that I could whistle like like a bird chirping and so there was a bell tower right outside the classroom window because it was on the third floor and so he'd open the windows and I'd like and I just do that while he was teaching he'd get pissed off and they go slam like all 10 windows

like 80 fucking degrees and he'd be dripping with sweat and this dude got so fucking red like fluorescent cherry tomato red and you go open all the fucking windows again. I'd wait like 30 seconds and start whistling like a bird again and you'd go slam it. I was like, I'll learn an English from you, fucker.

I'm 10 and bored. That's hilarious. I had a teacher in high school. I'm almost positive. He was banging one of the hotter girls in my class. I don't want to say her name in case anyone watches. But like she was hot. Not the

very hottest, but up there. And kind of alternative. Like she marched the beat of her own drummer. The teacher looked like Jack Black with more gray hair. But he's like, she was getting in his car after school. I think I saw him like hold hands. Like they were spending a lot of outside of school time together. And I'm like, what is this?

Everyone's suspected. That's all the proof I have. Suspected. She was getting in his car and he was like Jack Black driving her around school of cock. I had an English teacher in high school It was the same thing where everybody was like I think he's fucking that girl And then she graduated and they got married like six months late

Like he married a 19 year old Oh yeah That's that's right That's a little bit of college People judge because he was 71 Yeah A 40 year old marrying a freshly 18 year old He clearly groomed

Guys you don't get it It's not weird I've known her since she was 10 We had another teacher who like, it seemed like my entire class threw themselves at him. This guy was handsome. He was tall. He was a Division II basketball player.

He was not Dr. Disrespect. He was not a pedophile. He rejected every offer. But oh my gosh, you could see all the girls liked him. He taught math. Oh, he coached the girls' basketball team too. Yeah, well, maybe he just kept on the down low. It sounds like he was plugged in to the correct social network.

We didn't have any drunk teachers. Or maybe I'm, maybe I'm naive. but most of my teachers throughout all of my schooling were like old school marms like they were 50s plus heavy set ugly women who like like mother goose types but when we got to middle school that's when we started fucking with people and i remember mr mackamson was just he had an old southern accent inexplicably like like it was it was like right there in georgia it didn't fit with our times though that's the accent from like movies in the eight 1800s.

Okay, okay, thank you. He sounded like Foghorn, Leghorn. And he taught history. And he showed us a video called The Civil War was not about slavery. I swear to God, that's the title of the video. That's the opening statement. And it's like a, it's a 90-minute propaganda film.

He was also in the Sons of Confederate Veterans, and they came and they put on that big war reenactment for us one day. At school, during school hours, we had to attend. They're marching around and the coats out there saluting the flag and shit. It's absurd. When he's hung over, he wheels in the VCR and he's like, today kids, we're going to be watching a film called Birth of the Nation.

Every week with this guy, we've seen it. We hated him. And so one day, my buddy faked a seizure on the floor. He hits the floor, goes into full convulsions. His eyes are rolled back in his head, and Mr. Mackamson freaks out.

He jumps, runs across the classroom. And we didn't think he would be this strong. He was an older guy, scooped my buddy up in his arms like a bride. He gave clear the way. I got a sick boy. And that's when Jeremy, he stops, he keeps convulsing because he's laughing so hard now. And he's laughing out loud in the guy's arms. And he dropped him straight to the floor. It was great. He earned that. He was in so much trouble. They were mad about that. You were mad. You had to do the, you had to watch a reenactment. When I was in school, I was down for literally any activity that got me out of class. It didn't

matter what the, like, presentation was on or, like, the big meeting they'd put you in the gymnasium for. As long as it got me out of class, I didn't care if it was cigarettes or drugs. Yeah, I was there with a black girl, and I asked her, I was like, what do you think about this? This is a little weird, huh? And she's like, better in class. Yeah, it was odd to have a Civil War reenactment at the school. I wonder if the South wins in the reenactment every now and then. Do they ever mix it up? No, it's not a very good reenactment if you don't reenact well maybe do an alternate history month or it could be like a renfair where there's always some douchebag throwing off the vibe in like a stormtrooper mask and he's in there shooting on one

side i don't like that about renfares i think they should have to dress the part the guy walking around is batman it's like oh you're so goofy i've never seen i every time i go to the renfair which has been like six times total and i it's kind of fun you get a turkey leg you walk around I'm not ever like dressed up, but you enjoy the other people dressed up. You talk to these like sword smiths who are the exact kind. Like when I saw the sword shack, I was like, wow, these guys are going to be like grizzled blacksmiths. No. No, it's like like D&D guys who also are into swords.

That's the demographic for swords. Yeah, and rent fares, as it turns out. A lot of, a lot of heavy people. It's a kingly build. I never built like a sultan. I've been three times, I think. I've never seen anybody who wasn't in period correct costumes and stuff. It's mostly women with their tities out and dudes wearing like pantaloons and stuff.

But I've never seen Batman show up. That would throw me off. In fairness, I mean, Taylor's showing up wearing a t-shirt and a baseball hat is pulling people out of the vibe just as much. I imagine that those are dressed up than are dressed up. Yeah, but Batman doesn't exist. the real people exist. I can kind of like suspend my disbelief being like being like yeah, us commoners from the modern

timer here in your old timey world now. Hello fellow modern timer. What do you think of these great sites? I can kind of play that game in my head if I really want to like. Everyone in the middle ages was heavy as shit. I see the famine has not struck this fair land.

Man, this is, did you know this is actually what it smelled like then? Wow. Really sweaty. Smells like Andy and his pretzels. Yeah, a very heavy women, a lot of very skinny men. It's what you'd expect somehow. It's fun, though.

It's more fun than you would think. Didn't see too many facial piercings, but enough. More as, yeah, than there were in the middle ages. I don't think anybody was piercing anything back then. Is there a rent fare permanently, like, there that you could go to, like an amusement park, or is it a temporary? No.

It's like four or six weeks, something like that every summer. Yeah. Oh, did it pay? I didn't know it went that long. I didn't go this year. I went last year. And it was a worst experience because they ran out of turkey legs. And it was like a rush on the banks before the depression where everybody was trying to find a turkey leg.

Because I'll be honest with you, walking around feeling kingly eating a turkey leg is a big part of it for me. Like you watch these guys do pretend jousting, which by the way, a lot of bad acting intermittent with like. like little bits of cool jousting where a guy actually does get knocked off a horse sometimes, but mostly it's like them playing a character where they're like, Lady Joan, I will fight the Red Knight for your

wishes or whatever. And then they do a little, it's pretty gay. And then the actual riding part is neat. They don't do any sword fighting. No sword fighting at all that's real. They'll do like this super slow swing choreographed stuff, but no real shit. I could dominate.

I'd bring a lightsaber. No, they're real swords. These guys, they're wearing real armor. Well, you were talking about people coming who didn't fit. Anyway, it's like MMA, but they like legitimately do like medieval fighting and they beat the fuck out of each other. They have like axes and swords and shit. Yeah, we've been, we were maybe like first adopters years ago talking about this really on the ground floor because it is neat. No money on the line.

No one can see who's in on it. There must be dozens of dollars for first place. I wonder how the grappling in that compares to MMA. I mean, obviously, it's a lower level, but like, how does it change things? Can you even arm bar someone in a plate armor? Maybe, probably. What about the handles, right? Like, grappling changes a lot if you're just in a bathing suit compared to if you're in the whole karate

pajamas, the ghee, because I could grab your shoulder. They can get grips all over the place and control. And grip myself, if you're, like, trying to break my arm free, it's much harder. Whereas if I'm just shirtless, I can't do the same thing. What does armor do? I imagine there are unbreakable grips, leather straps and stuff. The elbow doesn't even bend, like, backwards. Like, the armor itself can't be armed barred, if that makes sense.

Right. Maybe, right? Maybe it's like a knee brace or something where it's just protected in that direction. It's like every video I've seen of those guys fighting, they seem to always just like wrap around the neck. They'll grab the guy and put his head down and then just bash the fuck out of his head. With the shield sometimes. That shield is like a goalie's blocker, and they just pass.

with it and it's brutal looks awful yeah that's definitely a for love for the love of the game type sport that's like those that and the backyard wrestlers the guys who love wwe so much they go they like put their own show on in their backyard jumping off the roof and slamming people into barbed wire and shit the most white trash shit i've ever seen in my life yes yes what is what is the like i think the Venn diagram of backyard wrestlers and who are the people that wear the face paint, the white and black? Juggalo's.

Juggaloes and backyard wrestler. I think the Venn diagram is just a certain. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You throw a loop in there guys laid on child support who work at Taco Bell. Fago enthusiast. Yeah, that's, there was that one guy. I don't remember his name, but he was like kind of a short, dumpy guy,

and his whole thing was just jumping off and hurting himself. He would elbow drop like a brick, or he'd elbow drop like a microwave wrapped in razor wire, and then he would always, even if it didn't look that bad, sometimes it looked excruciating, but even if it didn't look bad, he would roll around on the floor and just the, just, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I just linked that guy's Twitter. Wow, you had a tip of your fingers, bro. I remembered that his, his username was super humming, because clearly super human, one, two, three, four. was clearly taken so he just went another M approved so now he's... Can we show one of his stunts

here? They're just on his Twitter auto-playing it doesn't seem like copyright thing. Plus we're giving it, you know, go watch Super Human. Yeah, go watch Super Homan. He's very, very funny with us. We don't have to play his audio, but he'll like, maybe we should. I want the audio.

Find a good one, Zach. Can we watch the 4th of July one? It gets good. All right, I like a little patriotism. What is he jumping on there? It's also the top one on his uh thing yeah yeah it looks like nothing have faith and audio please this is superhuman tv show today i'll be jump you all your fireworks this is for the jugolos and drag alex do not try this on home i hope you like it whoop whoop ha ha ha his physique fuck this shit like that bitch oh motherfucker save some ladies for the rest of them

Yeah! Yeah! Come on, bitch! Yeah! Yeah, fuck! Yeah. Remember earlier when I was telling you the story about the neighbor who was a little bit slow? Yeah. About that level. That guy. That guy loves recycling. You could tell. Yeah. This is so funny. He's got one jumping onto a barbed wire cage. It's got one jumping on to four cactuses to see these stand it up next to each other. These look, man, the tradeoff of pain

versus like the visual is probably like, you remember that interview with Johnny Knoxville? He's like, the ideal thing is something that looks like it hurts horribly, but doesn't hurt. The worst stunts are the ones that hurt immensely but don't look like they hurt that bad. A lot of this guys look like they hurt unbelievably. Like he just, he's probably got five dozen.

and spines in his back from those cactuses right now because there's no big explosion. Doing it for a long time. I think I discovered this guy 2012 or something. He's still at it? Yeah, he's hardcore. And it seems like he has the full use of his whole body. I always thought he was going to ruin one of his arms because he elbow drops stuff. He does that diving out and elbow drops like bricks, like a pile of bricks or something,

things that don't move. And then, you know, he screams on the ground. It was a good. You get good in stone and watch like 15 of those in the row. That's a good night. Oh, my God. I don't know if we can show this one, but just skip to the middle of it. The amount of barbed wire he's laying in his. You link to his whole Twitter feed.

I don't know which one. I scroll down three and I see a huge pile of barbed wire on some chairs. That is the one. Okay. Yeah, I just linked it right there. Yeah, he's got fucking 30 yards of barbed wire coiled up and he's about to jump in it. it didn't move it didn't move it didn't move oh it didn't move

that's rough that's way worse than the fireworks or cactus uh yeah that's listening go give super hummin one two three four on on twitter a follow we like some of his stuff so was super humming taken as well super humming 1,233 was the last one that was taken,

so he had to go one more. That's so funny. He was super humming and then as high as he can count. That was how he chose the user news. He just had it. He's like, I've got the idea the account needs to be made right now. I've got to get it.

Jumping onto this barbed wise. I hope he's monetized that well. See, if I worked at WWE, I would be trying to get away from all these controversies they've got with the little boy didling and with the Hulkster and all of his hateful union-busting anti-black ways and such, I'd get a fun-loving guy like this on the roster. Wait, little boy didling?

I was only aware of the adult women. You got to watch Mr. McMahon. There's a great documentary on Netflix. I think it's called Mr. McMahon. And I've talked about it before, but essentially for the first three quarters of the dock, he is cooperating. He thinks it's like a puff piece about him. you know like we're celebrating his life and they were but then all the allegations came out not

only about him sexually assaulting women who worked for him but also about like some page boys I don't know what that is it sounds like a personal assistant on a movie set I don't know what a page boy is but being basically like sexually assaulted as well couldn't have been a PA could it it could have been I haven't seen the doc in a I remember the word page like that I don't know what that is I think of it as like an assistant on the wrestling set in the background somewhere in one of those back rooms or something but but yeah little boys too and they were covering it up um and lots of women and it's just it was documented and so look in the last quarter of the documentary all that comes

out and the doc turns on mcm and it becomes like an attack piece that he has cooperated with so it's it's really effective and it's good like it's got the thing is it's got all these wrestlers in the first part praising him and talking about how great he is and how wonderfully is. It's very much like who's the wrestler that killed his family? It's like that Chris Benoit tribute they did that night the day before they found out that he killed the whole family. He's a great man always on his bowflex. Yeah. What? Loves his family to death. Oh, that's dark. That's a good line. I like it. I'm trying to think of an extension court joke, but nothing's bad. Yeah.

Wrestling has been mired with some controversies, but that is, I didn't know the McMahon documentary took the same route as that. What was that documentary about the guy who was accused of murder that came out like, at this point almost 10 years ago, that old man who got away with it. And he like gave himself up at the very end of the documentary, taking a piss with a live mic on in the bathroom and was like,

the jigs up they know like talking to him yes the jinx the jinx or maybe just jinks jinx i think that was the name of the series that that that doc is so good because it's long it's been 10 years since i've seen it but but they spend like maybe two or three episodes and several hours laying out the case against him and you're very much i don't know it seems like maybe he's guilty maybe not and then they show the part where he literally goes to the bathroom miced up and he's like they got you they got you they figured you out you're in trouble this time you're not getting away with it this time and like they did kind of have him they had him on some handwriting evidence but that's not conclusive it was 20 year old handwriting evidence against him but him admitting in the bathroom

was a bad look yeah when you see that like as an audience member you're just like oh oh no dude, you're mic'd up. We got it. Like, why did he say it out loud? Why didn't he just, you know, have a thought? I don't know, but he did. He was in the bathroom giving up the ghost. I went to the bathroom miced up on that dance competition.

And I was really sensitive about it. I was like, can we turn this thing off? Can I see it's off? I want to see the lights turn off as we flip this thing. I don't like Mike 4. We got a weak stream. Can we turn that down? There's a woman.

with a headset on and like I don't know half a dozen audio receivers just sort of monitoring everything making sure the balance is good looking at this like audio equipment everyone's decibel rating or whatever and I'm in there going to the bathroom I want I don't like

this I don't like her listening in she went to you when you came back she turned it off for me I would always flick mine off whenever I went to the bathroom too I had the same thought it's that scene from the naked gun when Leslie Nielsen goes to the bathroom he's got like a PA microphone so it's broadcast into the whole room he just left and he's

farting and pissing and he's like old man pissing so it's weird yeah mine was in the small on my back like I wasn't in charge of mine yeah this article right here Vince McMahon and WWE accused of allowing rampant sexual assault of young boys by announcer in new lawsuit but in the documentary they fleshed that out a little bit more and I don't think it was just that announcer. They mentioned like higher ups and cover ups and going on for years. Yeah.

W.E's a nasty business, it seems. It is. I have some stuff here. I have some stuff from this week in history. Perfect. I'd love to learn. August, this is all from this week. August 6th, 1999. Sixth since debuted in

theaters. Signs also in August 9th of 2002. Some major historical events. The bombing of Hiroshima, August 6, 1945, the little boy bomb dropped on Japan. I believe 150,000 people or something like

that eventually died. And then a couple days later... The two nukes. Oh, you just said a couple of days later? Yeah, I think it was two days later, maybe three. They dropped the second bomb. Barry Bonds broke the all-time home run record back in August 7th of 2007.

Do you still have it? It's always been an asterisk record. Everyone knows McGuire has it. It's Hank Aaron's record. It's Hank Aaron's record. I don't fucking. August 4th. Hank Aaron was on hot dogs.

Look at that. Look at a picture of that man. August 4th of 61, Barack Obama born. One of our great presidents. A beautiful day in Kenya. Yeah. It was a sunny day in Nairobi. this day in 1305

William Wallace was captured screamed freedom and then was silenced later Mel Gibson later Mel Gibson screamed it shirtlessly wearing a completely inaccurate kilt that was pretty good movie maybe screaming freedom was a good tactic to get them to kill him faster

I think they were going to draw and quarter him no matter what it's a pretty rough ordeal you know they sort of like dissected him alive and cut his balls off and cut him and hung him until he almost died and then stretched him until if you start saying really brave shit that like riles the audience maybe we just speed this up a little that is what happened in the movie in the movie they ax him because he's yelling but in real life they might have been like you know the executioner was probably looking forward to that day for weeks like he was excited to pull those innards out and like see how long they were i'd start just saying

saying shit that makes them one like the executioner cheats on his wife i swear to god talk to rebecca she's she's the mistress these guys are gay nerds i refuse to be tortured by a homosexual this guy tried to kiss me he's trying to kiss me and myself sure he's hard right now that's from the torture I believe they cut him into four or five pieces and then spread the pieces all around London something about his head being on the bridge or something I remember reading that somewhere

yeah poor William Wallace pretty pretty garish and I think it was like I didn't know it was just London I thought it was like to the corners of the kingdom like an arm here a leg there and then just some rural guy who really is not plugged in because it's the year 1302 is like Susan you wouldn't believe what I've seen on a

bridge. There's a man's nutsy. Just in there, plumb in the middle of the bridge. You know what? I should put that on the back of my wagon. It'd be dope. I should put that on the back of my way. And that's another day in history that also happened this week. The first guy to put nuts on the back of his wagon,

William Wallace is. What else, Kyle? I want to learn more. Also, today, Houdini's last public stunt back in 1926, Harry Houdini performed his last public escape trick. He was sealed in a coffin, submerged in water, and he emerged alive and well, although he did die of an inflamed appendix two months later. And then he was sealed in the coffin and did not come back alive and well.

No, he was killed. Never, never, never, never came back. Yeah, second to last time he was in a coffin. Yeah, you got punched in the gut. Oh, that's right. And that gave him appendicitis. And then I guess what was the procedure for appendicitis back then? You're dead.

Curl hope and die. You know, fingers crossed. I also heard, and I think, either the appendix situation was exacerbated by this or caused by this but he let he did used to do this trick where he would tighten his abs and let anyone punch him I think he'd done it with like heavyweight

boxers and such and then some guy sucker punched him like to do the trick and hurt him badly that way I I don't know if that's a myth but I definitely read that somewhere that's what I've always heard is that yeah because I actually did a report on him

in fifth grades let me access that memory but yeah he did that trick where he he had like some breathing technique where he would really tighten up his abdomen he could take super heavyweight punches and then some guy he was just on tour shaking hands you know shaking babies waving hands whatever yeah and some guy just punched him in the gut and burst his fucking appendix which was apparently already swollen like exactly what Kyle just said what a douche that guy is I'm curious about your paint color did you do it as a green screen so that you could put yourself in Hawaii for video or is it just a dope color this it's my color it's my brand color man

when I when I started making videos I started on like TikTok fucking two years ago and I would wear a kimono like a silk Japanese robe and it was that color so I was like fuck it I moved my studio up I just moved back to Indiana like two months is ago and I was recording and I was recording in her kid and so the kitchen table was like the setup I currently have in front of me which I'm imagining is similar to all of yours she was like get that off the fucking kitchen table We live in a four bedroom house and there are two of us who share a bed. So, we moved up here. It was a nice background, man. Everybody, the first video I posted with this as the background and then I hung me, you know, my play button. And I got my one piece of furniture.

You hung it by the corner. I like it. They had two hooks. I only had one nail. But the first, the top comment on the first video I posted up here, everybody was like, I missed the kitchen. Oh, I'm allowed to have. Fun.

Well, you've done a good job remaking that magic, I'm sure, with your one plant. That's okay. Crooked play button. Who says you need anything at all in your background? Not me. Just put a gray wall back there. Yeah. So you just started making videos within two years?

Yeah. I started TikTok like probably, yeah, about two years ago, probably like 20, 23. And then that just blew up. And so I was making those. I was just fucking around in my spare time. just slam like 10 beers and then record some bullshit on TikTok and then I started making money off of it and I was like oh this is cool instead of having to wake up for a real job and then they reformatted the pay structure so I was getting paid like a decent amount of money

I don't want to say any numbers but then it had a comma in it and then the next month they changed the pay structure and I got paid eight cents and I was like okay well I hate the Chinese now but I still like making shit because it's fun so I switched over to Instagram was just bullshitting and then you know i have a twitter account and i just shit post on there and then uh yeah started seriously making youtube videos probably like i don't know six months ago because i'm i'm really close friends with um like brandon herrera donut operator all the guys from the unsubscribe podcast and so they had found my instagram and invited me down for uh the rain one of the rain days to hang out actually we've met taylor in person we did meet at the range day yeah you're hanging out

with Isaiah and uh her Wendigoon and um yeah just like kind of like hit it off with those dudes they invited me on their podcast on subscribe um not to plug somebody else's podcast on your podcast no way we like all those guys hell yeah um and then hung out with them they invited me down to uh shot show the big gun show in Vegas in January this is like two years ago and convinced me to move down to Texas to hang out with them so been down there bouncing back and forth because I'm from northern Indiana so bouncing back and forth ever since Your girlfriend moved too? No.

So, yeah, she stayed up here this whole time. We took a little break there for a minute, but we're back together. All right. Been together 10 years, not all in a row, but. And beautiful non-consecutive years. Well, that's sick. Yeah, I'm just looking at your YouTube channel. You got an awesome amount of engagement for doing this for fucking six months.

That's crazy. thanks man yeah just fucking around i don't know that's like the only one i take kind of seriously because it actually gives me money you know i go on twitter and just say slurs and anesthetic things and then twitter will give you no money tic-tok what's that would you do before ticot for a living um well was a contractor um just like private contractor did like little remodel shit and um kind of more like handyman type stuff uh ran a business and um it was you know my my own guy but that my brother did the exact same thing it's our dad did it and then so my brother and I each ran her own separate businesses and just kind of tossed customers back and forth cool nice so you had to

do different things probably to be tossing the customers back and forth or like switching out like all right I did this guy's floor you can have the fucking shower remote much yeah and then it'd be like if it was a job that would take two of us we just team up on it and like sub each other out so nice no you never going back to contracting. I still, I still, I enjoy it as a hobby. Like the reason I picked that job, well, granted, I've dropped out of college like five times, but also I genuinely enjoy, like, working with my hands. So besides the fact that I'm in Indiana right now, I'm in the middle of remodeling Brandon

Herrera's bathroom, I put that on pause for a couple months. Brandon, if you're watching, I'm sorry. A couple months? back and you know it's okay his trailer's right outside on the grass yeah I literally have a I have an S-10 down in

in Texas and it's parked in the driveway of the house they record the podcast and in the bed is full of construction debris and it's been there for like three months it probably won't start you are a contractor yeah he gave me a check and I was like I'm out

every professional I've hired is like that that's so funny you like like you do the demo and then you're like bad news moving back to indiana that's like unironically exactly what i did remove the toilet unlooked all the fixtures toilet taylor do you have any stuff you need ruined around your house uh no nothing going on really yeah no i think you can come in and like tear all the doors off and then bow i think we're going to squared up here You need a tile floor ripped up So you can walk on bare concrete

To go piss in the middle of the night Only if I can have a really cool truck Out front of my house for For a quarter of a year S-10 Top-tier truck It's a 2003 They don't make those anymore

They literally don't make those anymore Like they used to Wait, oh did I say S-10 as a ranger I used to have an S-10 I think they still make Rangers Yeah but they're gay and bigger now Yeah They don't make

like the little hunky piece of shit truck that you could sell for $7,500. That's what I had. That's that Slate truck that Jeff Bezos backed company that's making the like bare, bare bones electric truck. I think the company is called Slate, but those trucks are, I think, 20 grand. I guess the EV credit will leave. I don't know if that's before or after EV credit, which is we're losing because America. but that truck is like 20 grand I think it has roll up windows and like nothing there's

I feel like there's a market for that I think it's going to do well because I don't know why the major car manufacturers don't do that just the cheap everybody in high school had an s10 or a ranger like because they used s10 or a rangers $3,500 I think there is a market for it Tesla went the opposite direction first they came out with the expensive high margin car and then that became like I guess made them enough money that they could go into the more mass production these guys are starting with the cheap mass production car we'll see how it goes you know I think we were talking about this months and months back about whether Elon was going to get that that cash from Tesla whether they were going to do it or not they did it somewhere in

between they gave it like he was going to get some wildly like 50 billion or 75 billion and I I think he got 20 or 30 as a good faith measure or something like that. Which it's like, I guess. I mean, I feel like he's lost him so much value and so much goodwill. I don't know. It's, I don't know if it's still true, but I suspect it is that Tesla was worth more than every other car company combined. Tesla is valued, I think, incorrectly, but it's valued that high because of Musk and his

bullshit. Like, some people are still buying it. I don't know. I just feel like it's not a cool car to have in any social circle. Like what social circle do you pull up with your Tesla? And everybody's like, oh, Mark's got a Tesla. Zero of them. Yeah, but now it's the Robotaxie that they're all excited about.

But the Robotaxie is going to make Tesla a whole new, like... Until it kills someone and they've got a crazy lawsuit. Until it's not even real. Like, okay. Musk says the entire country will have Robotaxies this calendar year. Do you buy that? like within the next six months four months yeah

or four months that's crazy time flies when you're having fun there's no way like there's no way I don't see any now I don't see that many cyber trucks there are a couple they have drivers behind the wheel but they're mostly autonomous

in one city in Texas Austin Antonio it's Austin the Waymo I've been in one before it's creepy as fuck dude Wait, did you say Waymo, though? Because it's not Waymo. Oh, yeah. No, this is Tesla. They might have went to the same city.

I don't know. I want to say at San Antonio. I'm not very sure. I got it. Where is it? Austin. And the numbers are so small, they're not reported. All the other competing companies,

Bidu's Apollo Go, the Waymo, Pony AI, and We Ride all have like 500 to 1,500 robo taxis operating in multiple cities. Tesla has a couple, like a dozen of them. Has Waymo gotten anybody in a wreck yet? Or any serious wrecks? I feel like I'd hear about that. I haven't heard about it. I don't know.

I do line up with Elon's idea that like it doesn't have to be perfect. If it's better than humans, my mind's open to starting there. Like I don't need to completely remove these things from the road if anything happens. Where are you going to have an awkward conversation about politics with? Dude, I always talk to my drivers. I like to shoot the shit with them. I want to know what their lives are like. What's going on?

on you and i are polar opposites then if they don't talk if they don't strike up the conversation i'm disappointed i want to i want to yak when i'm in that car we have a good time no man no no no i don't want i'm not looking for a friend i'm looking for him to not get lost on the way to whatever event i'm going to nah dude i feel like that's treating him like less than a person like like i see it as like me and a new friend are going somewhere together and it's my job to get to know him i bring a ripped in half hefty bag and two pieces of scotch tape and i am immediately put up a divider. I bet you're a one-star writer, too.

I'm a fucking five-star man, all right? Like, I'm appreciated. Are you sure? Do they ever give you, like, one-word answers? They've given me compliments. They're like, ah, it's really great talking to you. You're so good at sitting in the backseat of my... They hate to see me leave.

The guy who's looking for a tip for you? It's almost as if they work for tips. Yeah, he's like, the strippers love me, man. They're always talking about how handsome are. Sir, I'm not going to exaggerate here. You are number one, my most favorite person I have done with in my entire life. I went to a restaurant for lunch today, and the guy who brought me the food said I made a great choice when I picked the item off. I'm telling you, you drive me somewhere.

He came back and said, is everything all right? I said, my God. This guy kept filling up my Coke. It was crazy. It's because I'm their favorite. Trust me. You drive me somewhere. You're going to have a good time.

all right you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna have some informed conversation a little lighthearted banter you're gonna love it a little light i'm gonna make you feel important i'm gonna want to know about your life and what you're up to i'm gonna i'm gonna care i was dude i got roadhead all over my mind does kyle tells me how great it is to drive them around i'm in the back seat keep going you're gonna feel like a king like this is cracking he's got a pocket full of rb's napkins to clean up too you're gonna be sad to see me go you're gonna be sad to see me go just for this yeah i mean i'll talk if they want to talk because sometimes you get a you know a chatty kathy in there who just wants to keep you know yak it and yakking which is fine i'm not going to be rude

but if if the guy's sitting there silently i'm not going to i'm not going to broach it okay well i'm not going to like like bother him but but if he starts talking to me like i always see meeting a new person is like you get to pull out your greatest hits you know you're like the machine in soviet russia you know you get to do fat guy in a little coat like in the next minutes this guy's gonna gonna really appreciate my uh my my ride i here's what happens too barbers too i'm in an uber or taxi and they're like how do you like our city it's like don't me don't put me in a situation where i feel like i have to lie to you your city kind of fucking blows i can't wait to leave yeah well you pick it you're picking me up from the airport

so i don't fucking know dude I don't know, I guess the term, the concourse was fine. I did have one Uber driver in New Orleans. We went for the Super Bowl, and he picked us up, and he's like, what do you think in New Orleans so far? And we're like, oh, yeah, you know, it's great, whatever, like I'm just blowing him shit. He's like, obviously, you haven't been here very long.

I've been here my whole life. This place is a fucking shit old. We told him where our hotel was, and he goes, oh. Oh, oh. The swamp is called the ninth ward That's one less than the 10 But didn't we get mad at a cab driver one night It was that night when me and Joe Lozahn

Were going to the second restaurant for dinner Because the first one didn't really pan out And I think there were other people in the car in front of us And me and you were in the taxi in the back And he wasn't keeping pace with the front car I do remember this for a little bit Yeah I think our instructions would just follow him

Like we didn't know where we were going we were from out of town and it was like follow that car and he lost him you're a professional driver you should be good at this what do you look at i remember at the time being equal parts annoyed with that guy and a little afraid of woody what he was so mad that this guy had lost i was mad too don't get me wrong but but what he was like angry dad mad and i was like oh i just are we going to beat this guy up I like it when I'm in your situation in there like you know what I'm really mad but

he's kind of got it covered for both of us on the professional driver comment the first time I got in a taxi I went to San Antonio like which I live there sometimes now but like 10 years ago and I got in a cab and my girlfriend at the time was going to school and I was like hey take me to X University and he turns around and he goes

how do I get there I'm like bro that is literally the one job you have to operate the steering wheel and know where places are like I don't I don't fucking know Was this before GPS? How old do you think I am?

Okay Fair point Hand him eight folded pages of map quest including the URL page I'd just staple it right in the fucking middle of the I can't see the exit number It's in the margin.

Don't rip of that. A pull out a map that doesn't be on a western border into the U.S. It hasn't been documented by Lewis and Clark yet. Well, they're still calling a lot of this region the Louisiana Purchase here. So I'm not sure. You're in at San Antonio. Have you been to? I'm sure you have.

But what did you think when you went to the site of the Alamo? It's so fucking underwhelming. Right? Thank you. I'm so glad. That's what you said. I thought you're going to be like, you could feel. I don't feel of courage in those stones.

They are remodeling it. But because apparently it used to be way worse. I'm sure back when you went, because this happened like super recently, unless you've been very recently. Yeah, I've been 10 years. Ripley's believe it or not and shit. But like literally you're facing the Alamo,

which for some reason in my imagination this entire time was, you know, a hundred feet tall with this like whitewashed facade. And yeah, you could feel the bravery there and you can still see the bullet holes from where the Mexican shot at them on their last. stand now it's like it's like 10 feet tall it's like a garage and then you turn around and it's like 18 smoke shops it's like i came to san antonio and all i got was high it's like dude this place blows well i've never been there but was any part of you guys like they probably should have let them had the shitty little fort and then come back with greater numbers come back go go regroup

knock the whole fort down you get all the next surrender you're going to surrender to santa an then we could get david then david crockett wouldn't have died or Boone or whoever He might work to spit to shine a boot Zach, would you pull up a picture of the Alamo Because it looks cool It doesn't look that on maybe Maybe my expectations have been set low enough

Yeah That's it right Now turn around Yeah there's the street There's the weed shops I was talking about There's the Texas Ranger who told me Oh look at this young lady right here Pan pan down

There you go They blurt out her ass Now are you trying to get a front look of that lady? Oh, they blurt her face. Yeah, big little women out of San Antone. Ah, Barclay fan. Those churros. I don't even remember it looking this nice.

I remember a crumbling, broken down wall that was so crumbling and broken down that you weren't really sure, like, which way it was facing. It looked like rubble, what I remember seeing. And there's no way this facade here. was is original yeah well and that's from 2022 so i just went there this spring and off to the right exact pants for the right where the like wood palisade is yeah that big open area right there um in between there and that that hotel in the background with the flag sticking up i can't remember it but it's like a historic hotel um that's where uh teddy roosevelt

rallied the uh rough riders before they went to cuba and there's a bullet hole in the in the bar, it's this tiny little bar. But yeah, he, like, fired a bullet hole into the, into the wall of the bar, and that's, so that's, like, highlighted or whatever. But the area between where this person is standing and that hotel, now they have all these, like, uh, stands with there, it's kind of like a wall that's like maybe 10 feet tall, and it has a bunch of, you know, little bullshit articles about the history of the area. What's the original part of it?

Like, if you turn back left, so that big facade, that wasn't, that's all new. Is it like, is the wall on the left the original Alamo? That's part of it. So he talked to a tour guide and I wasn't really listening because I don't give a shit. But apparently not much of it stands anymore. So like that was, you know, like their armory or something and then the other. Even the wall there to your left, that long straight one, that might be where a wall used to be. But those aren't the stones anymore.

You know what I mean? Like it's been fixed up and propped up, which is fine for a historical reenact. Mackman or a representation, but I'm pretty sure that nothing you're seeing here represents what was there during the battle. A bit of a Theseus ship thing. Yeah, but now it's not even a boat anymore. It's an attraction, so it doesn't float. So they lost a lot in the transition.

That's a great story, though, however much of it is true. It made great propaganda, and, you know, now we own all that delicious Texas land. There'd been better propaganda if we won. we won the war. That was just a battle. Yeah. But I mean, that's a sight. I think it was 300 men against like five or 10,000 or something like that.

That is embarrassing. How many did the Mexicans lose? I don't know, but it went on for days, right? I think that alone is a good metric to use. How many days they held out? I hope the Mexicans retell stories like we're Spartans. Like, I heard they throw away the weaker babies. We do.

And these men in the fort, they were giants, I tell you. Some of them, five, nine. 130 pounds. Yeah. Maybe I'll go to the Alamo someday. But you guys just aren't selling me on it. It doesn't sound exciting, though. Dude, that's your benefit.

Because if they told you it was awesome, it would set expectations too high. It's like a movie, you know, where you go in hearing it's awful. And you're like, it's better than I thought it would be. Yeah. I had this with Mount Rushmore. I went to Mount Rushmore. Everyone said it's underwhelming. It's small, whatever.

I was like, it's a lot bigger than I thought it would be. This thing's pretty dope, only because they had my expectations in the gutter. Do you think we should ever add another president? And if so, are there any of the presidents that we've lived through that you think have earned a spot? No, I don't think we got a statue earning president for a very long time. Yeah. What about FDR? Oh, God, no.

No, we're not putting a fucking wheelchair guy up there. Yeah, ew. The whole chair. I think we need a major war-winning president. It would have to be a big... Like FDR? No, he didn't win the war. Well, I'm not going to give Truman credit.

He's my favorite president, dude. So he's the only one who does not have a college degree or a military experience. Okay, but LBJ had a bullshit degree. He's pretty close. Yeah. Well, he did kill JFK, so I'll give him. him that. But yeah,

Truman was like, the reason they picked him is because he was a retard from Missouri. And, uh, sick. Yeah. You got Taylor's vote. And there's a chance. They needed like a milk toast idiot who had like no strong stance on anything.

And it's funny as fuck because if you, if you look, like he took over his president and act one. He's like, let's nuke Japan to circle back around again to this day in history. well yesterday i guess but shouts out um he uh if you listen to the speech it's fucking hilarious because he's reading it and it's not like how most people read where they're like today is a day that we'll live on in infamy like he's like the japanese are glassed we nuked those

japs good like you can barely fucking read first act as president blowing up an entire country. I mean, that's a pretty, you know, storming your way onto the political stage by nuking Japan twice. Hell yeah. And then still the only, you know, the only nukeer ever. No one else has nuked. You can't nuke up. You can't. Nuke up. The R on that. Yeah, nuke-a. Yeah. Hopefully. I'm watching it right now. He's so matter of fact, he's like, that bomb had more power than 20,000

tons of T&T. We have harnessed the power of the atom. Is he the one who was annoyed by Oppenheimer being like, oh, now I am become Vishnu, creator of death and destruction or whatever, and Destroyer of Worlds. And Truman's like, get this fucking fruit out of my office. This guy's not pressing the button. I'm pressing the button, motherfucker. Yeah, that's in the movie.

Which I haven't seen, but I intend to at some point. I don't know what I'm putting it off for, but that scenes in the movie. and I think it happened. I think Oppenheimer felt pretty guilty about the whole thing. Yeah, this guy's like incredibly laxed talking about nuking Japan. I don't think they had a good grasp on like what it meant. And maybe we have like a, look, my entire life, movies, television, politicians, teachers, adults have done nothing but fearmonger the nuclear weapon. Just make it sound like the worst thing ever.

And I get that it is. seems pretty scary. Is it though? It seems that all those Japanese got fucked. Yeah, but like, no, they did the same. They're still populated.

Like, they're there now. In my childhood, they acted like if there'd be a nuclear winter, there'd be global starvation, that like a bomb would not. That's only with a full exchange. And the nuclear winter is created and the fallout is all the cities burn.

You target all the major cities in the world. They all burn and those ashes go up. And those, that smoke is what's creating the nuclear winter. It's just blocking out the sun and making everything all cold. But the fallout was from fission bombs, irradiating all that dust in particulate

and then having that go up in the air and fall out over a populated area. But with modern fusion bombs, we don't have that same issue. It would still do the nuclear winter thing because we'd burn every major city in the planet if they both shot all their missiles back and forth. We've got like 5,000,

and Russia's got like 5,000. roughly, like something like that. Now, it used to be like four or five times that. Russia used to have like 20, 25,000 ICBMs or something. You're not that scared of nukes unless it's a full exchange. I think the human population shouldn't be like afraid of being destroyed by all the nukes, like in the movies, because it would take a, even if there was a full exchange, there'd be plenty of us left around on the peripheries. It would just be a shitty world.

Yeah, hopefully that happens. But we could blow up a little city here there. Maybe a little demonstration, nuke. Like back in the Korean conflict, or like maybe it was a MacArthur or somebody, they wanted to create a nuclear fallout buffer zone between China and Korea. They're like, yeah, let's drop like, I don't know, 30 bombs, 30 nukes. Newk here, nuke there, nuke there, just make a line of death and radiation between them. The Japanese are so good at rebuilding stuff.

I bet some of them were a little excited where they're like, Oh, so much of the do. Great opportunity. They rebuild their shit. Yeah. I mean, like, how many years until, like, how many years was it until Nagasaki and Hiroshima were, like, nice again? If it's Japan, I'm guessing, like, four years. I would do it in weekend.

Yeah, but they wouldn't replace the people, so it would just be a bunch of empty shit. Show is modern day Hiroshima, Zach. I bet it's like a bustling metropolis. Oh, I bet it's stick now. It's been with neon skyscrapers. 90 years. yeah let's see I don't know because I know we occupied

him until like the 60s really long time we wrote we wrote their constitution and it's still the constitution they use yeah because uh was that uh was that McArthur it was Dick uh Hirohito yep

he uh MacArthur staff had to read had to find Japanese libraries that hadn't been burned so they could find copies of Western constitutions and use them as a basis to create the Japanese constitution. They, his, MacArthur and his staff wrote the Japanese country's constitution that is still used today in like a three-day weekend. Hell yeah.

And then made them sign it. And it's clearly working out. Ah, yeah, you know, it's all right. They're not fucking, that's for sure. I like that they kept this building shitty. A little, little reminder. Don't act up. Remember what happened last time?

Don't get fucking crazy, guys. You guys and your zero planes flying into us. Yeah, I think what's always fascinating. Pearl Harbor, all of our good ships weren't there that day. And it was only old crappy ships that they had. I mean, they think of how lucky we are. You're trying to make a conspiracy out of Pearl Harbor? Absolutely not.

That we diverted important resources away from the area and ignored radar signals that, from the newly implanted stations on the island? Kyle, if there was reams of evidence of that, I might suggest it, but that's not the case. Look, all I know is good guys won World War II, and I'm not going to hear any more of your stories, Taylor. That Norman McDonald's dirted in a whole other river there.

The Norm McDonald joke, he's like, I was flipping it through this history book. Turns out the good guys went every time. The odds. He had so many great bits. RIP to Norm. Amen. That was like,

that was like the most king shit ever to have cancer for like 11 years don't tell a soul like his family didn't know like he didn't want anyone to know he had cancer i'm sure he told his family at the very end but like that's pretty funny thing didn't even know he was sick tomorrow i'm dying of cancer you guys know that what he had kyle right you know that story I don't know He knew he was dying He had bowel cancer for like his entire life He got diagnosed in like his 20s

And they removed like a bunch of his small intestines And so he just had been like known He had this death sentence his entire life And so he would constantly make this joke Anytime somebody famous died He would go you know so and so died Like Ozzy Osbourne died I didn't even know he was sick

Yeah Because nobody knew that he was dying of cancer So when he died you can find compilations of people where it's like as soon as they hear it they're like norm mcdonald just passed away and they go norm died i didn't even know he was sick he wrote a joke like that he would never even hear the punchline too it's so fucking funny yeah that is great it's been a long time it's been like five plus years now since norm died right i think he died in 21 21 four or five years yeah damn all those uh like once every

Every two years or so, I'll go back and listen to his 9-11 clips, where it's just him being beyond insensitive about 9-11 that joker. He's like, I would walk through blood and bone trying to find my brother. Turns out he was in Northern Canada. Have you read his, or heard his autobiography is the funniest shit? It's like I drive all the time. He's got an autobiography. and like do not read it you have to listen to the fucking audio book version because he narrates it and just like his his tone and mannerisms are funny as shit but it's it's an autobiography but it's clearly bullshit so he goes through this whole thing and like one of his like best friends is um adam egit who used to be the manager of the comedy store now he manages rogan's place in austin but he the entire time he's telling all these like false stories about adam egit sucking off guys under the bridge in New York or whatever.

He just calls him. He falls in love with like a transgender woman and like wins the lot. Like he plays him out as this like fucking retard he's stuck in guys off. It's like his best friend, but since this is his biography or autobiography. Then there's one chapter and it's so like jarring

because it's he's just bullshitting the entire time and he's talking about growing up and then he tells this like horrific story about being being molested by one of his dad's friends in a barn and it's like his tone. And it's like his tone changes and it's like i don't know if it's a bit or if he's like telling a story about being molested as a child and so it's like doubly funny because you shouldn't be laughing at it but

he's just like immediate tone switch from this bullshit story to like somebody graphically describing something it's so funny dude i was laughing so hard i was i had to fucking pull over at one point i need to listen to that if it's him narrating it yeah i would never read it oh it's because it's obviously meant to be delivered in the way he delivers it i don't watch much stand-up at all anymore like the stand-ups that I like Shane Gillis it's not even his stand-up I like that much it's like he's he and Matt McCusker on the Matt and Shane podcast are way way funnier than either of their stand-ups independently like it's just a better format to have two funny people like them like bantering playing off each other than it is to have like a

prepared thing to go up in front of the stage like it just I feel like a lot of people feel that way because the stand-up itself doesn't feel like that's what people are following a lot of these comedians for it's for their podcasts it's more off the cup it feels more more genuine i feel like comedy is one of those things too like stand-up comedy is one of those things where like if you're physically in you know a room with a person doing stand-up with a bunch of other people like laughing like the the likelihood that you're watching you know some clip on your phone and actually laugh out loud i feel like it's much much lower than if you physically go to a comedy club and have a couple drinks and hang out and get in the mood very true yeah the vibe is important

but I haven't been established for a long time. So I've always talking about how I hate In Glorious Bastards, how I thought I was going to a Nazi fighting movie. I ended up watching something about Shoshana, a Jewish woman who owns a theater, I guess,

and that's important to me. The movie's called In Glorious Bastards, and I was super disappointed. Even in the trailers, you had Brad Pitt, my name is Lieutenant Aldo Raine. We were doing one thing and one thing only. Spending three quarters of this film following Shoshana around.

That's what he should have said. I watched a movie last night that I missed because I thought it was just a cheesy action movie. It's called The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. Oh, that movie rules. It was great. They basically made The Inglorious Bastards the way you wanted. The whole movie, it's got, um, let me, it's got, uh, Henry, Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill, Alan Richson, Alan Richson is the guy from Reacher, the giant.

Monster of a fucking man. That monster, he's in there. And they basically put together like a group. of badasses who were like outlaws and then they go fight the Nazis, blowing up boats and shooting Nazis. They spend 25% of the movie just walking around

with fully automatic suppressed machine guns just killing Nazis constantly. The giant guy, the guy, Reacher, I don't know how many people he stabs. At one point, he cuts a Nazi's heart out. It's just a Nazi killing fun popcorn movie

that's like everything I wanted inglorious bastards to be no theater subplot there's no theater subplot you don't have to read me subtitles if you want it if you want to be or watch like a clip from it that will convince you to watch it just watch the boat scene it's the very very beginning of the movie but it's so fucking good well brandon uh brandon and uh cody don't an operator like are obsessed with that fucking movie we'd watch it all the time just for like having drinks and put it on the background shit well brandon bought a suppressed fully automatic stent because of it and so we'll take it out to the range. It's got a heat shroud on the suppressor.

It's so much fucking fun. Dude, it's like shooting a fucking laser pointer. You're just it's exactly like the movie. Like, you can hit the fucking steel plates. It's, oh, I love that good. Yeah. Now, this sounds like a movie that's more my speed. Because if I had to watch even one more second of that dialogue with

the Nazi trying to flirt while she like takes too long to put the placard up like the sign of the marquee. The marquee. Yeah. It's like, oh my God. I love that fucking movie. That's like one of my favorite movies. This feels blasphemous. You sound like my dad.

My dad's review of that movie was like, there's too much reading. I get to read subtitles because they don't all speak English. Well, they suck you in with like, what's his name, Christoph Waltz being a fantastic actor. And it's like, oh, man, I hope this movie has a tremendous amount of this guy. And then it's like, no, fuck you actually.

We're going to watch this lady. We're going to watch so much of this lady. We're going to spend fucking 55 minutes of this lady. a little subplot that no one cares about Yeah, I only care about the bastards We never get to see them like really do their thing And like have a planned Like they should have taken down like a Nazi train

Or they should have They should have done something like a whole mission But that's replaced by the Shoshana subplot Or plot, it's not even subplot The Nazi movie that delivers Is Saving Private Ryan That movie was good I don't hate the Nazis though in that movie

They're like the bad guys Same Private Ryan is an awesome movie. Yeah. I didn't say it wasn't. But he wanted the Nazi killing to be more personal. Yes. But it feels more like war. It's not like cutting the heart out like you're an Aztec.

It's like they're in a battle. They're popping guys. I'm not trying to give grand pop PTSD every time I watch a movie, okay? It doesn't need to be real, realistic. Like, I don't, in gritty. Like, this is like, again, what about when Vin Diesel dies? I don't watch, all right.

When Vin Diesel dies, when you're trying to get a letter to face, right? You're like, all right, the acting just got a little better. Letters for my pops. It's got blood on it. Got blood on it. I didn't like it. Vin Diesel died like a pussy.

I like the sniper dude when he died. Something Novak. The, in the bell tower, he was up top. He was like saying his prayers while he was like MVP, you know, just taking out all the VATs in the other side. I know, he's my shepherd. I shall not want. And he's left-handed, so he's reaching over and

cycling it, like a right-handed rifle left-handed? Oh, you know what's a good fucking war movie is Fury. I liked Fury, and I like knowing that Shia LeBuff was stinky, because as much as the other people didn't like that in that movie, that probably was important. Like, it's pretty rough in this tank, because

my co-star, you know, hasn't showered since even Stevens. He's such a method actor, which is an excuse for actors to be assholes, that he didn't shower and converted to Christianity. He had a tooth removed from, And he cut his face with a knife.

That's, you got to want it. I guess so. It would have been infuriating because if anybody's ever been in one of them tanks, it's incredibly close quarters. We're breathing the same air. You know, you can taste the other guy's breath. We're right here sharing the same fucking, it's like being under the covers together. Airplanes are like that.

It can be. Yeah, but you can open the window in the airplane. Sometimes you're buttoned up in that tank. You can open the window in a, airplane. Well, not in a commercial airliner, but if you're in like a frowned upon, he's like, you're punch hard enough. You know, those rules open right up.

They have to make them that way. I tell you not to open an airport window, but. The whole thing falls apart. So, like, I'm smoking. I need it open. That, uh, it's not as old. It's a little bit of a newer war movie. But 1917, that World War I movie,

I thought that was sick. That's the one that's like one continuous. shot for an hour and a half. Yeah. There was a lot of long, continuous shots, but they really hammered home. How awful being in World War I must have been. Like some guy blows a whistle, and it's like, all right, charge, I guess. It's like, they're shooting at us now before we even go up.

I hear the whistle, but I'm not charged until Taylor charged. Can we wait to the smoke bellows up a bit? Oh, I would have been like, ah, these damnable boots coming untied. You know, they'd shoot you for cowardice You didn't go over the wall I would have forced the shit out And be like, ooh, right? Tummy hurdy

You think you're the only one shit in yourself right now That's what you get for eating everyone's rations It had just dropped on Netflix And I was like, oh, this is going to be great I just bought brand new like home theater speakers And so I heard the sound of that movie was awesome So I was like, I'm gonna get a little buzz going and watch this movie.

Why I picked a World War I movie about the horrors of war, crank that shit full of all. Fast forward to 20 minutes later when he like slips and like puts his arm into a rotting corpse and I'm just like, man, war sucks, dude. You're like sad.

You're like, ah, to imagine 15 minutes ago, I was like annoyed because I don't have enough of my favorite kind of soda to drink all I'm stoned right now. These cheats are making my mouth dry. As dark, as dark, Marcus 17 was, and you know, definitely shows off the horrors of World War I, all quiet on the Western Front, which is told from the point of view of the really young German guys. They're like 16, 17 or something. They're also happy when they're getting their uniforms and helmets and the guy notices that like somebody else's name tag is in this shirt. I think these are bullet holes that have been sewn up on this one. And they're like, ah, I don't worry about that. Just off to the off to war to be men. And then like quickly they realize it's hell. earth. By the end of that movie though, and I don't think you're supposed to, I have already

given up on the characters of the movie. I hate them because they're Germans and they're bad and they're stupid. When the French come over the hill and the French have the first tanks, these guys have never seen a tank before and here come tanks. Not only that, here come Frenchmen with flame throwers. I'm cheering. I'm cheering for the French. Because this is French land we're on right now. So when they start burning the heroes of the movie alive and crushing their guts out,

I have already switched teams in this movie and I'm cheering. I'm glad that they're all getting what they deserve. That 16 year old that was conscripted that got lied and forced into a war, you're like, yeah. They knew what they were getting into. They did.

That's the whole point in the movie. I know. You guys noticed none of the adults are coming back Now they need a lot. No, it's because it's safe for us now. That's what this is. It's safe for it. They're giving us a little chance to, you know, iron sharpens iron.

Yeah, that would be so horrible. You're in a trench and then some, suck I bleh, some dude, flames you to death. Getting killed by a French guy. They're asking your way to die. Yeah, getting fucked by a French guy. a flamethrower is like a horrific way to die I think on Iwojima the mortality rate for flame thrower for flame thrower guys was 93

matter of opinion we 93% of the flame thrower guys on Iwojima died yeah the dude didn't saving private Ryan gets fucked up uh dom graves rest in peace uh was a flamethrower on Iwojima that the unsubscribed podcast had on so I met him and talked to him and

he was a little dude he was I mean, he's an old man now, but back in the day, I think he was like five, six or something, weighed like a hundred, ten pounds soaking wet. Small target. Well, those canisters, they basically, well, in flame throwers, because the death rate was so high, it was like, if your commanding officer hated you, then they were like, here, put this on, retard, go have fun. And so he had like this 80, you know, 80 pound canister of gas. And that dude, like I said, he passed away very recently. It was like 101 years old. but he was

nostalgic for cooking they actually had to censor a part of the episode because he called him Japs and apparently that's a slur even though I would argue it's an abbreviation of Japanese people I could think of 15 more offensive way I was like

N, G Z but yeah he's talking about cooking them and he's like yeah we'd go up we'd charge up that hill and he just let loose and hear him screaming Yeah, that was that.

I'd say I was going, what I said back then was tempera mode. I'd fry their ashes. They probably lied to him about how safe it was, where it's like, oh, I guess I could where they, you know, lieutenant, but what happens if a bullet goes in there? And he's like, oh, sir, that's as safe as throwing a propane can and a trash compactor. It will suddenly not become your problem. It's hot out. That's why there's a gas.

They like creak and moan. From the pressure changes, they like creak and moans. You've got this canister of explosive liquids on your back. And then like when you pull the trigger, which again, you're spewing liquid flame out the front. So it's boiling fucking hot. And you're on a tropical island. And then he's like, yeah, you can hear it like,

shrinking and growing he's like yeah this might be it for me oh I would want to be a radio guy so that at any time I could be like where's the reinforcements coming and I'd be like

I've got no reception here but I know I'm not picking up do you know where I get great reception is the asshole you're clear as a bell in there I'm going to pop back I swear I am not leaving again.

Like, you never saw you again at Bastogne. You left when it started snowing. I was imagining you on the beach, just hopping in the landing craft and making a U-turn. Yeah, the plane through a guy would be the worst job. It has to be the worst job because if the Japanese see you coming, they know what that thing is. They know what it is and what it'll do. I would take a lot of risks at getting shot. I would expose my body just to shoot that guy if I saw him coming my way.

If we're in a bunker and, like, you know, if they're shooting back, I'm not going to pop my head up too much to take a shot at a guy. But if we see a guy with a flamethrower creeping up the hill, all right, we got to get that guy. We got it. All right, come on, everybody. Get that guy. If he's near other guys, it seems like he could get a clat. Oh, yeah.

You shoot a flamethrower off his back, boom. Should I remember that, remember that Urichai where they're like, bring it down. that's exactly the situation because it's like all right i have to keep my head popped up because if not we're going to die the most horrific death imaginable in about 40 seconds like we've got to kill this guy where this little pillbox is going to fry us it would have i i don't want to get burned alive flamethrowers are so so fucking scary they're probably the scariest weapon of war i know gas is awful and i hear those stories about world war one stories with the gas the drone is scary and sort of a foreboding kind of way that's weird.

You know, you could maybe hear it. Maybe it could kill the guy next to you and leave you unscathed. But at least you're mostly dead in the next. I think the explosion is going to shock you so bad. You're not going to feel a lot, and you're going to expire. Whereas that flamethrower, dude. Yeah, I've seen a lot of footage of guys writhing in pain, missing limbs. I have to.

I have two. I feel you. But I would rather get drunk than flamethrowered, though, wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to ask you die. No, I mean... I'd ask you about my other options.

Old age. Getting sucked off in a bed as I die. Taking too much to see Alice, see your heart explodes while fucking. That can't happen, man. That's made up. That's not true. Yeah, I, I, uh,

whenever we'd fuck around with flame throwers, I was always like a little scared. It's like, man, normally if something goes bad, we lose a finger. But like, if this goes bad, like, this is gruesome. I really don't want to burn alive. I've been burned a little a couple times, like third-degree burns on my hands and stuff. And it's just the worst pain.

It's the worst pain I've ever felt. Like, Woody always talks about how his bone breaks weren't all that painful. Mine really hurt. Although I was a kid, so maybe I was more of a pussy then. Bone breaks? Yeah. Yeah, when I broke my ankle, it really hurt. Like, it was painful.

but like when I burnt my hand it was days of pain and it didn't seem to go away and if I took my hand out of the ice water when the pain came back it was like twice as strong as it normally was this like every time my heart would beat I would get this just intense just pain

I don't know how you live with that and it was just on my hand it was just the back of my hand so being soaked in that and being all burnt up the flamethrower ew don't put me out shoot me yeah but i think burning's bad

but breaking bones i maintain doesn't hurt that much at least not that day like the recovery is a pain in the ass and the PT sucks if you did much soft tissue stuff but broken bones they're not that that doesn't hurt shot in the head has to be the best way to go in a war setting by far like especially like a pot shot when you're still like you're the first guy to go down in the battle so you don't even have the opportunity to be scared yet you just like there one second and then you're gone I disagree. I could get scared even before the battle starts.

I would be scared. I'd be like, I was, I peed my pants and I shit myself because I couldn't get out of my foxhole. And it's like, we've been fighting for four minutes. It's like, I knew some smelled showing up at the battle field. I'd be scared on that boat. The beginning of saving Private Ryan when they're all on those transport boats, the amphibious ones. Like, you just know what's coming. And before that scene, I never even envisioned. visioned that they'd shoot into the boat as the door dropped. I was like, wait, you can do that? There should be rules against this.

You should allow them to take the beach first. They're like, hey, guys, we both agreed to no gas warfare, but everything else is on the fucking table. We're going to shoot at your boats. Throw a flag, call unsportsman like on the Nazis. Oh, dude, if you're one of those Nazis holding that gun right at the opening of that boat and it opens, you're seeing like a guitar hero style point meter. I saw an interview with a German soldier.

I don't know if it was, I think it was World War II, but he was a machine gunner. And so they had the MG 42 Hitler's buzzsaw. And it was like top of the line at the time, which there's a second story related to that. But he literally got PTSD from how many people he was killing. He's like, you just, you just squeeze the trigger and they just die. He's like, I have no idea. He's like, I kill hundreds of men. I have no idea.

And then... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, there's more. Oh, I was just going to say that the training footage. There's like archival training footage for American soldiers who are going off to war, and they're like, this is the MG-42, nicknamed Hitler's buzzsaw. Or no, it's the MP40. And they're like, don't worry about it.

It shoots slower, and the bullets are stupid and lame, and they're not as cool as our guns. A lot of your fellow veterans are going to claim they're actually pretty fucking scary don't believe them they're secret commies they're just hazing rookies we have this we do this monthly hangout

with Patreon members and is it 293 does a drone operator with 293 kills does that sound around right yeah yeah 292 there was a kid there was also a kid but I count the kid he didn't want to count the kid

anyway he seemed well adjusted based on the call It was just like he was a, I don't know, former accountant or something. It didn't really weigh heavy as far as we could tell. American dude? Yeah, American guy, drone operator. Oh, that's cool. Okay, I was a little weird.

He only killed bad guys. Exactly. That kid probably hated us. It's a big number. That's all. We were talking about how big the number was a week or two ago, and I was like, man, is anybody ever? But then I remember they're executioners.

and so executioners especially back in olden times would have hundreds and hundreds of kills and just a moment ago i googled i was like who's the most prolific executioner it's this guy daniel arisen um the dubious title of most prolific executioner in history belongs to this man uh oh the article was by the daniel aaronson was belongs to this man vasili block blockin he served as stalin's chief executioner and he personally shot to dead tens of thousands of prisoners. During the Katyn massacre, he shot and killed

7,000 people within 28 days. That means he killed 250 people every day for a month. Jeez. He has to like wake up early. Yeah, how long is it work? I'm doing the math right now.

His trigger finger is probably like blistered. He's switching fingers. He's going lefty sometimes. And look at this picture. You know, oh, this was his idea. Between like 178 and 179 on a Tuesday, he's like, you know what? I don't want to forget this.

A cool picture of me pointing this at you, or you know what I'll do, right? I'll pop you one. Like, I just imagine him like one, two, three, like he's at 500 for the day or whatever. And like somebody goes to bring him a fucking glass of water.

And he's just in that mode. He's just, bang! Oh, no. Oh, fuck. That's 783. Just push him in the pit. Colin won't be that mad.

Jesus Christ. That sucks. They did kill a lot. I doubt he was well-adjusted. There's no way that guy could have a normal conversation with you after all that. I guarantee that guy loved his job. That guy was a fucking psycho. He woke up every day, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and he was like standing next to the prisoners at like 5-10-8. like almost jumping

because by that point he'd been told repeatedly don't kill anyone until six we're trying to sleep he's like a dog he's like noticed he'll wake in bed in the morning can we start killing he's putting his ear plugs in Stalin Stalin Stalin Stalin Stalin Stalin

Stalin Stalin Stalin what Can I shoot him? Just that level of shit Yeah what a ghoul Christ Yeah I wouldn't want that job Even our boy in the in the Discord with the drone operating thing

that sounds kind of cool at first but it's also like I wouldn't I'm glad I didn't do that I wouldn't want that on my conscience like yeah no same person would because you know that like most of them were bad guys he was literally fighting ISIS but he said that weddings were

and funerals were their best hunting grounds funerals huh is like all the bad he'd show up for a funeral but I'm sure a lot of other people show up in funerals too though right they don't have separate ones where it's like all right this is our this is my work we have a henchpin funeral

this is my henchmen funeral and then the friends and family one yeah I'm sure he was careful not to hit any of the family members when he's blowing up the henchman it's that's the American way he probably used one of us we asked him if he'd ever use the missile that has the samurai swords on it but he never got to use that he was kind of bombed damn that does seem harder to use oh he did say he direct impacted a guy with a missile that was a dud though and it just like there was like three guys standing there i hope i'm getting the story right and he hit the guy with a missile direct impacted his head off his body and the other guys were just like what the fuck and ran away like it should have exploded on impact and killed them all i thought he meant to do that he's just sending a message

Mark really pissed off some powerful people I don't know what They throw rocks from outer space at us Might as well be Yeah He said those missiles were like Four or five feet long And weighed like 50, 75 pounds

Or something like that roughly I don't really remember exactly But that seemed important to me If you're going to direct impact somebody With a missile I want to know how big the fucking thing was Somebody didn't pay their fucking taxes that weekend That's why that whistle didn't detonate.

Oh, yeah. Someone was short in it. We all have to pay our due, guys. Otherwise, the dronesmen can't have a fun day at work. Taking care of their business. I didn't donate to the Ukrainian drone program, but I did donate to like some kind of a pet program they had over there, trying to get the dogs out of the shelters that were getting blown up early on.

They might as well played that Sarah McLaughlin music. They had me hook, line, and sinker. that is like an active war zone people are trying to get out and you're donating to dogs well when he said the pet program i was thinking the opposite i thought you were like sending these guys like front line for last time stop sending debikets his name's max he can be a little rowdy it's a fucking you got a fucking pomeranian strapped to his chest on the front lines no not that

but they were like you know they were blowing up the fucking pet shelter or something and they were trying to get the pets out of harm's way this is like early in the war when it was real touch and go you didn't know if Ukraine was going to fall any moment and uh I don't know I felt I felt so bad those are the charities that always get me it's the pet charities

people are shitty but I've never met like an actual mean dog yes you have you've sent me videos you were at my house yeah all right all right you know to be fair I've met two or mean dogs in my entire life, but most people are shitty. You know what I mean? Like, you know, maybe that lady whose apartment building got droned was a bitch, you know, for all I know. But that dog,

that dog don't deserve that. He's trying to make a living. You don't know why he's locked up in the pound. Maybe a bit of kid's face. Russian kid. I thought you were, you donated to the Russian dogs? No, of course not. Fuck those Russian dogs. You don't discriminate when it comes to pops. You donated to both sides. It's funny. I wouldn't discriminate. I would donate to the Russian pets if that were a charity too, because

I'm completely opposite with the people. If I see that a drone killing video is like a Ukrainian dying, I'm like how dare you put that on the internet, you bastards? But then the next clip is like, this Russian man tried to hide in an old well.

Watch while we blow him out of it like a cannon with an anti-tank mine. I do the exact same thing. It's like the cognitive dissonance. I'm like, oh, they're the bad guys. Yeah. You may think he's not a combatant quote unquote because he's wearing sunglasses in a track suit. But that's his deep cover. Yeah. I don't mind watching when the Russians blow up, but I hate to see the poor Ukrainians get blown up. I don't know what's going on with that war. Trump has been so wishy-washy. And then like his biggest move so far has been when that Russian

representative was rude to him. He sent fucking nuclear submarines. What was it last week? I don't even remember what the Russian guy said something like Mr. Trump should know that not only Mossad has access to his amoral. Oh, was it? Yeah.

The thing of the fake news. The allusion to them having basically the Epstein tapes or something, that was false. The Russians had it? Yeah, there was a tweet that went around that implied that the Russians had video of Trump on Epstein Island or something

like that. He didn't call those words, but that's what I got from it, but it was a real thing that any Russian said. Yeah, and it was, they were making it seem as if it were from that propaganda piece they have. I don't know, he's an older guy. He looks like he's 65, he's got a long, leathery face, and he's like extra mean. It's like when Putin can't say something that's super harsh, he's the guy that if we allowed to be like, oh, you know, we could just nuke San Francisco. Like, he's that guy who comes out and says crazy shit.

Yeah, the Russians did say something that hurt Trump's feelings. I forget what it was, but it wasn't an empty thing. He called it a threat, but I don't remember specifically what it was. That was before he went up on the roof, though. Well, how else is he going to plan out his fucking tennis court? Right. He's... Exactly.

Look, I enjoy the Trump show. I got to say, every week it's something new. It's something crazy. He received another medal slash award this week from Apple. Apple showed up, and I love how cheesy and tacky it was. I think Tim Cook himself presents Trump with this thing. And the base of it, he's like, and the base, 24-carat gold. He puts it on Trump's desk.

And then he's like, we got this crystal apple placard here. And he, like, puts it in there. And he just basically put a big Apple logo on the president's desk. And he says, there you go. It looked like a disc, like a circle with a, like a donut almost, a circle with a hole in the middle. And a lasered into it is like a, you know, the apple. Oh, okay. Or at least that, unless I'm, my brain like created it like, let's see.

Yeah. Okay, okay. That's, that's the hole in the middle. I didn't get it from. Yeah. I saw. I just, that wouldn't be staying on the desk if I was president. That, you know, that doesn't make the cut of a presidential desk.

That's not good. No, I want, I want my, my gold medals from the 84. Olympics and I want my birthday cards from various dictators and despots and then I want the Constitution of the United States and that order like on my desk I think I know how they he talked about having a Diet Coke button yeah I would have I would look like a professional pianist with how many buttons I had installed on my desk where it'd be like oysters on the half shell fucking ribs crab legs get to work in the morning he just has the worst president ever he doesn't do anything

he's the perfect centrist he's never achieved anything he sits in there and eats all day our seafood budget is off the charts this term yeah but look how much we're saving by not taking care of homeless people first order of business that fucking crab quota thing needs to go back to the old way. TV was so much

better. It would be like I could hit a button and then like a full all my secret service guys would show up in like paintball attire and then we would all paintball or like events or like I'd hit a button and like you know my favorite NHL players

would come by and we could play ice hockey and because I'm the fucking president and I would be doing it Putin style they would have to let me like Bobowski would have to let me score on him and now we all know what it would be like if we had a grader as president. Yeah. Oh, man, I'd be a sick president.

Don't know. I'm like Biden and Trump. I don't know any of the world leader's names. I'm like, the main guy of China and I had a great conversation. Thick accent, this guy. Yeah. But you stop calling him China, man. He did a lot and nodding smiling.

Taylor, just see him like recalling how it went using accents and shit. He was like, oh, why you should? serve to me boiled dog while you eat chicken. I said, I'm trying to be fucking sensitive here. And the African leader was like, why did you serve me nothing? You gave me a dirt

cookie. A little face to home. Making enemies everywhere. My greatest source of entertainment lately has been, I found this Instagram page. you got recommended me for some fucking reason, but it's a legitimate BBC news page. Well, there's this language in Central Africa. It's Pigeon English, P-I-D-G-I-N English. And so it's basically broken English, the language.

And so I immediately, please look this up, BBC News Pigeon, it's all of the articles you would be getting if you were subscribed to BBC, but written in broken English. Taylor, would you like to read some of the articles to us? You giggled. Yeah, let me, I looked it up. Let's see if some of these are. The helicopter crash against tree before catch fire inside forest. Eye witness for crash site.

Talk how he happened. In other news, Ghana defense minister, environment minister, plus the six orders ready for helicopter crash. Look open this because it's the way. He's not being racist. It's literally how it's written. It says, like instead of saying six others, it says, D-6 orders O-D-A-S. It says

Woman Dem Jail wrongfully for 20 years gets 1.3 million compensation. Lawyer React. Here's the headline. Clearly the word they're going for is letting and it's spelled W-E-T-I-N. U.S. government

wet and foreign students. Go do Tim Dem-D-Looz via Visa and future eligibility. The fuck is this? Oh, countries is K-O-N-T-R-I-S. Trump, Samar, Nigeria, Ghana, and Odars, fresh tariffs, full list of countries. Wow.

Wow, this is, this is, did I make this site? Like, this is fucking insane. No, it's real. This is, who be Ozzy Osborne? Rock legend, way die? Malcolm Jamal Warner, the Cosby show star, at the age of 54. Oh, that one's got mostly, mostly correct.

I don't know, but it's in like a caveman like script. It's, this is bizarre. This is a real language. How did this happen? Spell these things the same way every time? That's what I wonder. It seems like, wetting, sometimes letting. Whatever you feel in your heart.

People, P-I-P-O, instead of people. Yeah, they got, why the demand for Machetee dry up global supply? Y D demand D-I And that seems to be consistent And they is day They dry up D-E-Y

Yeah D-E-Y Day This one's Day and dim It's hard to like This would be like a scavenger hunt Like find a normal Headline on Pigeon English

Damn I saw This is Add two bookmarks I saw the doors of ice were open just a little bit wider this week in case you don't know that last week they raised the age limit

for ice applicants into the 50s I think like something like that and then this week they lowered the age limit for entering ice to 18 so you can join ice you're like 18 to 55 or something like that no degree required

and I think there's like some brief training thing like one of those law enforcement training programs then they give you a gun and send you to the front lines of immigration control and enforcement and apparently it's $100,000 a year plus a $50,000 signing bonus Why aren't y'all in ice? Like why not?

Just for the look, if I weren't a felon, I join for the laws so I could come back here and tell the stories of the day. won't believe it. We really are just grabbing the brown people. We didn't have any idea who'd be in that building. We just went. You just see who's running. If they run, we chase. Oh, is running a part of it? They're calling me Redley. Whoa. We'll get you a segue, Taylor. We've got segways now. I'm the Segway Ice Guy. It's like everyone's wondering who this I have my mask off.

Too hot. I can't breathe. I can't see. Maybe I'll join. Maybe I'll join ice. But we checked and like those, that big money thing, that was for like administrative people. Like I think we found like the low level people are like 50 or 60,

right? Which is still not bad if you're just popping in. I don't think so. I think for the age. It's starting at $100,000 a year and $50,000 signing bonus. That's my understanding. You're sure? We looked at the job listing.

Those are higher paying than $100K a year. Like if you were going to be an administrator, you were making, like, I don't know, $1.75 or something, I thought. Maybe I'm wrong. But we've talked before about, like, you know, if you're 18-year-old not going to go to college guy, what's the career path? Like, what's the recommendation? And traditionally, I've recommended heating and air. I was going to say HVAC or scooping up Mexicans? Yeah, I've recommended HVAC

Because if you've ever been without it You know how badly you need it And that you would pay a premium to get it And if you work your way up You know, you go to trade school And then you get on somebody else's crew And then get your own truck And then two truck

One truck becomes two becomes four Then you make friends at the tech school So that you can go back to your former instructors And be like, hey, anybody coming through That's promising that's like got their shit together Doesn't have a drug problem them, like, would be a good student for me to, like, hop on my crew. And all of a sudden, you got a little business that works for the rest of your life,

and then you don't have to work it when you're 60, you know, you can retire eventually and pass it on. That's always seemed like a great path. Right now, ice baby. Ice. All right. They're giving it a, that's going to be great. It's going to be, like, a government job.

You probably end up with some sort of clearance or something like that. It could lead to other things. You could do more stuff in law enforcement, or it could look good on any resume, like, that you worked for two or three years for the immigration control maybe rise up through the ranks that's a lot of money to just be giving i don't think you're working hard and the work looks fun i think you sit around a lot there's a ton of stuff love that core confidence in your mind yeah if it's a lot of sitting maybe i'll apply they need some bloggers in the ice squads like like if i could if i could watch live streams of like some of like all right guys we're

about to head on into this chinese restaurant we're going to flush him out the back, and B-team's going to scoop them up. I'd watch that live stream. We'd get that on kick. I'd donate to that. I'd be like, Woody, can you speak Spanish? I mean, this is my Mexican accent. Holy shit, we just found our translator, boys.

Guacadilla, poor fumble. Woody, up front, you're preaching. I would like for you to please apply to me or paper. They're like, gay. He's being obstinate. He called me gay and he's being What you call me? Yeah, I won't be fooled by that driver's license.

Look, it seems like they have scooped up a few people they shouldn't have, but I haven't heard about any like full-blooded American citizens that got scooped up and went like too far. down the immigration river. Their numbers aren't even that good. There probably is a tremendous amount of sitting around. Their numbers aren't really that good, but I think maybe they're like, yeah, I don't know why.

I don't know why their numbers are so bad. I don't know why Obama did better with fewer, in a less target-rich environment. Deeper and better. Did they change back the deportation? Are they going by the deportation rules that were like changed under Obama or did Trump switch it back? because if they're operating under the same one. Trump changed its system so that his numbers would be worse.

I can't imagine Trump doing that. I don't think that's the case either. This guy just fired the Bureau of Labor statistician, right? Because he didn't like the job numbers. So he just fired the person. He killed the messenger. Oh, they do that they do that shit that they've been doing for literally years now where they put numbers out and they go, oh, this many jobs.

And then they're like, sneak, revise. And they're like, ha, now that that hit the news cycles. it was actually way less than that no he didn't like your numbers he fired her and uh and and and yeah he'll hire someone who will give numbers that won't get them fired he's so fucking and it sends a message to everyone else

like the congressional budget office the people that calculate the GDP like liar get fired that's that's like a presidential trait though I don't know that it's no what tell me the other presidents that fired the Bureau of Labor Management status I don't know because it's zero right like this is that Trump is uniquely corrupt in this way and firing I mean they all do corruption like Obama did change the definition of deportation because people were giving him guff about it

and then people lauded how successful he was because he was counting people who they turned away at the border or even some people who weren't even immediately turned away the only rationale I could see for him like Obama is looking better is that there would have to be, and I think there actually is a dramatic reduction in people attempting to cross. It's way down. But yeah,

and so that would make sense because obviously, like you're saying, Woody, Trump's not going to change the numbers to give him, he's a narcissist. He's not going to change any number

that makes him look less successful than Obama. But the numbers of actual deportations, not like the funny money horseshit, hey, we caught you, turn around. They're not good.

You know, you know what's funny about Trump? I think that up until this presidency, up until like the last, we'll call it two years, years, he was never worth nearly as much money as he is now. I think that during his heyday in the 90s and the early 2000s, his book dealings and stuff, I doubt he was ever worth like if he sold everything, if he liquidated. I bet he was never worth $2 billion. Maybe not

$1 billion. I really don't think so. He's really just sort of skated on the Trump brand and the idea of Trump. He doesn't own most of those properties. He licenses his, his, name to them you know like that's not his golf course it's drunk golf course you know they're paying him a fee i don't know what that fee is but it's not billions and tens of billions of dollars it's it's not the the like crazy wealth that he poses as but now with this crypto thing and with who knows what sort of like funny true social yeah and and who knows what he's i've heard a i heard a an anecdote about him doing this real estate thing where he bought a house for 40 million and then sold it for 96 million a Russian oligarch a couple like a year later you know someone who was close that was the one he

outbid Epstein on it was it was the one he outbid Jeffrey Epstein on um close friend Jeffrey Epstein close friend Jeffrey Epstein and uh birthday pal but even that 40 million in the context of today Trump like yes truth social I don't know recently but like truth social was worth billions of dollars and it got fewer views than my YouTube channel right that's That's just corruption, right? That just people investing in his future power. And maybe it's more popular today. The crypto thing.

The crypto thing is next level. That's basically just a like, is a cryptocurrency. It's a flush fund. Yeah, he just gave out like his PayPal address and people dump money into it is kind of the equivalent of Trump's crypto coin. And then he holds like events and he pardoned people who bought his crypto coin.

Like he sells pardons now for hundreds of millions. It's a guy's name was Sung, I think, S-U-N-G, something like that. And this is a wild corruption that's not a every president's corrupt. No, this is something different. I don't know. Bush started illegal multi-trillion dollar wars for decades. And so I do think that's more corrupt on knowing lies. He didn't mean it.

And he was just an, oh, gee, Willikers kind of guy. Look, I mean, I strongly believe that was Dick Cheney and Halliburton that were pulling the big strings on making that war as big and expensive as possible. I still don't, I live through those wars and I still understand what happened. I don't know why we never just went, we got them and left. We did and then we stayed. We said we got them and then they stayed. I don't know why we didn't leave, leave so that they could stop hitting us. Like once you win the football game, you don't hang around and let them keep shooting free throws.

Get the fuck out of here. The score's posted. Let's go now. Once I win a football game, I never allow them to shoot free throws. That's a good point. Kick field goals, whatever. Like, fucking launching mortars at us from the mountains while we dick around in this base.

Like, what are we doing? Let's get out of here. We're nation building, Kyle. It's what the real money is. It's going to work this time. We got to outsource that nation building. It's fine if we're financing it. Our corporations are profiting from it.

But God, get somebody else on the ground. I'm not happy with financing it either. Yeah, we shouldn't be financing any of these wars. Damn, Trump coin, not doing good. Should we buy the bottom? A dip. Just a dip. By the dip.

Yeah, who knows. It was it $45. And I guess on $119.25, and now it's at $9.27. He owns a substantial amount of the coin. Yeah, it's a staggering amount of wealth that he has acquired just through his president. I mean, the billion dollar plane they gave him, right? Whatever happened with that? We're remodeling it for him now.

We're remodeling it. They took Pentagon budget and devoted it to Trump's personal plane that he's keeping after the presidency. It was $400 million free plane, and now they're going to spend close to a billion upgrading it, and then Trump keeps it. That's crazy. I still don't think he'll end up keeping it. I think they'll upgrade it and then keep it because it's going to have that stage. From his cold head of hands, will they take his billion dollar plane that the Middle Easterners gave him? And he's not president anymore.

He can't do shit. They go, uh, this isn't yours, dude. I think it, I think it's unwriting. I think that it's,

it's like, that's his point. He gave it to his library. As they donated it to his library. We're going to leave in his library till he's done being president. Isn't he like a hundred and fucking eight years old? Ridiculous. I think on paper he's,

he's basically, it would be like if he wanted to use his personal like limo one day. And there, he was like, all right, but, but up armor it. And technically,

I guess my limo now belongs to the department of, defense so it's all correct on paperwork but obviously after i leave the presidency i get my car back right yeah of course what is it 200 000 for your car no big deal but he's doing it on a grand scale with a gigantic luxury airplane dude if he's able to keep that plane that's fucking retort he's keeping that plane that's insane that's the deal that's why everyone was upset yeah they should be it's ridiculous he has been enriching himself the crypto thing is the most over-the-line money grab horseshit of all of it like obviously 100 million good on him look look the winner of

winners he is King Solomon him's make make Carnet it's like King Solomon was like like good I'm at myt he's King Midas may be made man yeah king well I don't know Solomon would have maybe in half

he wasn't done Ed he would like rip the plane in half rip the girl in half I get the bottom half you get the top Jeffrey I think we should be praising all the presidents who didn't give in the temptation to sell part Jimmy Carter one who did Jimmy Carter

handle I ran, but man, he sold that peanut farm to make things right and on the up and up. It was probably not even a good fucking peanut farm. How dare you? How fucking dare you? He was shitting on the Missouri

president earlier, and so I got to, I got to shoot back. That is to get on it. I said he's my favorite president because he's retarded. No, no. Kyle made fun of him for being a brilliant round-faced Missouri man. There's only been

one president from Georgia, and it was Jimmy Carter and he had a peanut farm and that's and he ruined our relationship with Iran and that's about all I know. The whole hostage situation. I know it was a one term fucking bad president that nobody in my family ever had a nice thing to say about, but

he did sell his goddamn peanut farm because it was the right thing to do. My great grandpa, I had to do like an interview of like a really whoever my oldest family member was when I was in, I don't know, second grade or something and it happened to be my great grandpa who at the time was, you know,

checks out. almost 90 that does check out and I had to like ask him about a president and I was like oh he was around for Truman and Truman was from Missouri and so I'll ask him about that and like I don't remember the rationale but he despised Truman he was he like thought he was a fucking loser he hated him he's like I just wish you know he's from Missouri but I'd rather have no representation in the White House than that fucking loser. I don't remember any of the reasons, but he just...

It's how my father feels about Carter. He absolutely hates Carter. I don't know it was because the economy did poorly under Carter or if it was the Iran thing or maybe both, but he has not forgiven Carter from the 70s. So long ago.

Was that the gas shortage too? It was, yeah, during the Carter administration. Yeah. Yeah. So in the Iran hostage situation. Which he spent his entire presidency correcting. And then the day that they released the hostages was the day that Reagan took office. So he took all the credit who literally got off the plane as president.

And he's like, I'm your new president. And they're like, the hostages have been free. And he's like, yeah, I did that shit. I would bet dollars to donuts, although that exchange rate's not so good anymore that Reagan and his representation had gotten a hold of Iran and been like, hey, hey, we'll work things out next week, right? All right. like that was a that's not a coincidence that the hostages came home Trump did similar things

did sell them missiles what did Trump take credit for that was mostly Biden there was like the last six months had been a fucking whirlwind of news stories so they I'm sorry to change the topic a little bit but they changed they sent

the House of Representatives home so they wouldn't be voting on releasing the Epstein files anymore they just wanted to buy six weeks and two weeks ago, it was like, no way. Six weeks or now will still definitely be talking about the Epstein files. Doesn't it feel like the third story of the day right now? It's simmering though. I don't think it's gone anywhere. It's pretty. Simmering's a good word. It's not gone, but it was hot or two weeks ago. I see a lot of people online holding like being like, hey, fat ass. Like,

you're supposed to be exposing this shit and now you're like making nonsense up like, oh, it's actually a Obama conspiracy? And it's like, no, it's not. Obama wrote the Epstein files as he said that. Yeah, he wrote the whole thing and it's like, no dude, you're your base, a lot of people who aren't like, like, sick of fans are not cool with this and they want it released.

If he's on there and they have evidence that he was like actually doing shit with kids on that island, then he should probably be put in prisons. Now he's working to cover it up. Like that Gisleen Maxwell has been moved to a minimum security prison. Did I pronounce it wrong? Oh no, that was a funny.

way to Jis Lane. I don't know what it is. I think it's Galane. I like your way. I've heard it pronounced a lot of ways. I've heard it pronounce that way. I didn't mean to be mocking her, but I mean, I don't know. So anyway, they don't move sex traffickers to minimum prison.

That's like never happened. They had to do a special like exception to send her to this cozy prison. And apparently it's even nicer than other minimum security prisons. It's like the best. She can't be around the dogs. They have like a dog training program, but they don't let sex offenders in the dog training program, which is awesome. It's probably for the best because there was stuff there. It's not even a low.

It's a camp. It's like what I did. Okay. And they don't put sex offenders there. And she's already come out and said, I've never seen Trump do anything untoward. Right. He's always been on the up and up and a good guy. And it's like they are buying her lies.

They're like offering her sweetheart deals in exchange for. for testimony. And the court documents they want to release are the ones where Trump's Attorney General Barr from his first term was like looking into this shit. So it's like they know what's in those in those depositions. It was the Trump people

doing them. And they're like, we'll release Glein's lies and bars targeted depositions that were meant to make Trump okay and pretend that Trump had nothing to do with any of this stuff. Yeah. But I don't think, I think that same

group of people, like I would say all four of us, who want this released so that everybody involved can be locked away for the rest of their lives. None of us are going to be swayed by Gilane Maxwell coming out and being like, number one, guys, I'm not a Mossad agent, and number two,

Trump is like awesome and he's good at golf and he doesn't cheat at that either, and he's definitely didn't do anything on that island. Like, no one's going to buy them out anymore. I hear there's a lot of fake stuff in there. Dude, we want it to come out because a foreign country. has a huge amount of influence over us

because of it. Just fake stuff in there people could get hurt and you don't want that. That's what I hear. I'm hearing that from top people. The number one guy says they made it up. Well, I had heard like last week it was like somebody I think Trump's attorney. I don't know if it's a personal attorney or

where he falls in the line but he met personally with jizz tits Maxwell and had a meeting with And then the way that they reported it was like everything that she said was understood to be the truth or something like that. It's like, oh, okay. So she said the shit that's going to get her out of fucking prison. Yeah. She's going to get the pardon.

And then she's going to be like, oh, no, Trump's actually cool and has a giant cock. And he's never fucked a kid on that island. Yep. Yeah. That's what she'll say. She's already been, like, found guilty of perjury. Like she's been found guilty of sex trafficking, hasn't she? Yes.

Yes. That's why she's in prison. in connection with She didn't just do the sex trafficking Like I think a lot of people think That she was the administrator and the recruiter But she fucked the kids too Like she was in their tongue deep

Making it happen And let's not forget That she wasn't just the recruiter Yeah She's she's gross and ghastly And she's gonna be back walking the street Jack show me a picture of that gross ghastly gal Oh

It's terrible Yeah but guys I distinctly remember an article in the well-respected Atlantic that said owners on the left, by the way, that says that this is totally made up and just a ridiculous conspiracy theory. You think someone, like the owner of the Atlantic right there on the left, right next to her hanging out by the pool, doesn't know her well enough to say that definitively. Is that the owner of the Atlantic? It's the owner of the Atlantic. Ew, a woman owns a newspaper. The newspapers can't have women captains.

Look at that. She was looking at a list of like the new batch. she's so excited. I'm staring at a sexual predator's tits. This is weird. Dude, that's a shattering top. That is perfect. She knows how to pick a bathing suit. That is so funny.

Every time online, people are like, Galane is a horrible person doing this to kids. She should be locked up forever. Someone will be like, big beefers, and then come in that picture. Lock her up at my place. yeah if i'm on that parole board i'm just like

you want to do it again right i hear you'll do anything to get out you got a pinky promise me you got any more uh like beach vacation locations you can recommend like that's a that's a pretty attractive lady no i heard she's in a prison camp i saw some pictures of it it reminded me of of my own sweet experience i saw there was like you know sports tracks and recreation to be done there so and especially at a ladies facility you would imagine you know she's just chilling having a good time that's a much that's much better than where she was i think

pillow buddies talking about boys boys not men yeah exactly famously not men the conversation keeps pivoting to man and she has to try and move it back yeah what a what a i mean allegedly No, she's in jail So is Mike Tyson, you know, and we all know And we all know he was innocent But at least we know lots of powerful people Are totally controlled by blackmail

And that we're not allowed to know who it is So we can fix it, which is great That bodes well for the future of a country Oh, oh, anyway Lock and Load folks it's the best supplement in the world you guys know the spiel by now use code pka use code jiz get 10% off and you will have super in derrick's words superphysiological loads and better orgasms you're going to enjoy it use it with your wife or your husband we don't care if you're gay just a couple

of consenting people having fun with our supplement use the code though get the 10% off and also remember get your pre-workouts there get your energy drinks your protein your protein supplements and bars, dream supplements, weight loss supplements, every single kind of supplement that you could possibly imagine efficaciously dosed over there at gorilla mind.com. You're going to enjoy it.

Derek does not make any low-quality stuff. It's all very high-quality. Best in the industry. But start off with lock and load. You know, throw us a few. Help us out, boys. Again, code PKK, code jizz. You help us, we help you.

May I personally endorse lock and load? You, of course, you can. Okay. So I have experience with lock and load. Sick. I thought it was a meme. I thought you guys were joking. I thought they were fucking around.

This is to you, the viewer. It's real. It's silly. It's so silly. So I was talking to a good friend of mine, friend of the show, he's been on here before, Brandon Herrera. Yep. And I was like, hey man, is Lock and Load a meme?

Is that a bit? And he was like, no, it's real. He goes, they sent me some one time. Would you like some? I said, absolutely. So I was about to come home, see my lady friend, came back, and I, it takes a little bit to kick in. It takes a couple weeks. A week, two weeks, yeah.

And so as soon as I got back, I started taking it so that she wouldn't notice. And then one day hit, and it was the day when the lock and load had taken hold, if you will. It was ridiculous. It was absurd. There was so much to the point where she asked me of something. physically wrong with me and I was like no this is cool this is awesome this rules and so that that that was the case for a few weeks and then I ran out and I did confess to her she was like what's going on I was like I've been taking cum pills and she said that's fucking

retarded oh boo women don't wait a wait it gets better I ran out went back to normal pithy human-sized loads if you will and yeah she's sitting there looking at one and she goes you know what I kind of miss it see she's cool you don't know what you got to what's gone exactly a gallon of it if you will take your lock and load stay hydrated three in the morning before like when mine hit when mine delivered Jackie thought that she had suddenly like 10 times her technique like I really did great oh look at this look at this mess i could fill a coffee cup with this thing and it's like yes babe you're you were great and one thing you guys have never

stressed that i wasn't expecting was uh the distance as well so there was at one point where i was supplying laying on my back uh and uh we're not trying for a child right now and so she hopped off if you will and um little trout was pointed upwards and i had to real quickly pull one of those hit the headboard punched a hole straight through it clean through the dry walk fully wholeheartedly full throatedly endorsed lock and load what you know is that's how he did the demo at franin's house there's come everywhere three months of it now so take trout's wonderful endorsement

and all the other endorsements of others who have tried it and say it works it does check it out you're going to enjoy it and also our merchandise code pka 10 get a hoodie get a t-shirt get some stickers get a mug whatever you please over there uh just remember save yourself the 10% use code pka 10 and buy a hoodie don't like the stickers they're highly toxic we've that would be that would be so funny if we had like george costanza stickers actually why would you like a sticker anyway well well i don't want to that's going to make it worse i don't want to denigrate any of our listeners but that some folks had to look stickers they didn't make it you know

don't look stickers you're liking stickers you deserve whatever you're getting they're already you still want the monster mini I'll do what I want my tongue will be fine soon oh I'm looking just lanes

Galanes fucking tittyes over here I googled Gilain you're staring too long into the abyss yeah I'll look away I'm not no I had it on another menu there another you can see a little crotch in this one wait which one

oh the same one yeah it's beneath the blackmail letter in her hand I see yeah she held up well I'm more impressed by attractive women over like 35 sure are you hot at 22 big hecking deal

lots of people are hot at 22 that's a shiny new car Yeah, you buy them that way. Right, exactly. You're hot post 35. Ooh, someone can't care of this. They've been, I bet you rotate the tires, you store it indoors. My goodness, you keep a cover on this thing, don't you?

No, somebody takes care of an old car. Yeah, it was like your old Tacoma, Woody. Right, right. People will always be like, you know, none of these panels are dent-free. You like, you like off-road. a lot, don't you? Oh, yeah, it was off-roading. I guess it wasn't a good-looking

35. Yeah. So you broke every tail light and headlight. Okay. Yeah, but I only drive during the day. Yeah. It's no big deal. Yeah. In the newest episode of South Park, they skipped a week after that first episode,

so the new episode came out last night. Mr. Mackie, the school counselor, the Mkega, he gets fired, and so he joins ICE for that bonus. and he's got his and it's the training is like they have their uniforms in their hands folded

and they've been handed a gun and they're like all right now for your first raid immediately on the way to a raid to raid to raid a place and Christy Noam shows up every scene and the like tight fitting pants with her like camel toe popping and her face keeps melting off and a literal pit crew has to come and like put her face physically back on her body and of course she guns down a puppy

and every scene she's in she guns down a different cute puppy okay so they kind of do the buckle up buckaroos thing again with that they did with the car accident no the face comes off

and the face is sentient like something out of a sci-fi movie and it screams and the face runs away and it jumps on another person's face and like consumes them and becomes them It's a little bit of horror there

And then J.D. Vance and Donald Trump show up at the end Because Mr. Mackey has been such a good Ice agent, he's getting a free trip to Mar-a-Lago. And they treat Mar-a-Lago like Fantasy Island. So J-D. Vance is the little midget going, Mr. Trump, the plane,

the plane! I haven't seen Fantasy Island. Is that a movie? I haven't either. It was a TV show with Ricardo Monta-Bahn. I've never seen it, but, you know, you know these things. Oh, did you like it? or just was on TV? I liked it.

I was young. It was easy to follow. And essentially, wealthy people would come to this island and they would have like a fantasy. They wish to live out. Maybe they wish they were a detective or maybe they wish they were a football star.

And this island would almost, if I recall, would like spare no expense and kind of make it happen. To the point where the people there were like, almost like total recall where you don't know if this is real or not. Like it borders on the edge. They did it so well. It's been a while, St. James.

Little St. James was the, man, that was the most recent fantasy island. I saw you did a video where you're like, we're going to talk about that creepy group of people who were like blackmail others by getting them to molest kids. No, not that one. The other time it happened in the 80s.

It's like, oh my God. Think of all the ones we don't know about. Yeah, well, and that guy's walking free. I mean, all of those things happened allegedly. But there's a lot of evidence for it. but yeah he like lives in florida now um it was it was the exact same shit it's people who made their way into like politics and i don't know why they all want to fuck kids and worship satan but that's a recurring theme how has a theory i brought this up before and no one likes to

even try to wrap their head around this when they're why why do well the richest and most powerful men want to fuck young children maybe it's just that good you'll never could oh okay if they were all eating something delicious food you've never had before. You wouldn't just be like, yuck, ew. I do that about their food. You might wonder, what do those octopus eggs taste like? I mean, Paris Hilton pays a billion dollars

and risks going to jail to go on an island and eat. Octopus eggs, you'd want to know what they taste like. I never wanted to eat an octopus eggs. But if I heard that everyone from Stephen Hawking to Bill Gates was hopping on something called the Lolita Express to go eat them, damn, they must be good. Must be delicious. Yeah, I don't like that.

bro, I'm taking poison damage over here We're all taking Poison damage Yeah, we're taking area of effect damage Right here Ah, oh, the worst take of all time And you see it. I think it was the same guy

That was talking about the real estate deal Between Trump and Epstein He may be the one who mentioned that Epstein had been gifted a pair not a pair, a trio of French 12-year-old triplets to have sex with. And it was like, my God,

this is like the hope diamond of pedophilia. Were they identical triplets? Yes. Are there any other kind? Fraternal? Yeah, they could be fraternal triplets. Fraternal triplets. I didn't know that's possible, I guess. Like three completely different people come out. Yeah, that happens frequently

when they do in vitro fertilization. They'll put like three. I don't think Epstein would have been as excited if they were fraternal. in vitro is how that bitch from TV like 15 years ago had yeah eight kids and then some other lady beat her out had even more kids what eight's not the record anymore I thought that's there was like it's a vagina not a cow mom let's see that's a litter okay lady with the most a lot of kids show

oh yeah and she had the miserable husband I know John and Kate plus eight she had the miserable husband no shit she was like she's literally like have you see like the the Karen hair she's like the uh yeah Zach said john and k plus eight as well Jesus she had like the Karen hair and she had this husband who's like vaguely Asian looking uh and she would just nag him constantly about everything and they do these interviews on the couch and they're always hysterical you would just complain about the most benign mundane shit and then you imagine I'm sorry I can I

you off. Oh, no, I was just going to say her husband's sitting there like for the entire time Oh, I've seen these people. She had eight of them. I bet her downstairs is just ruined. The Karen haircut. She did that on purpose. Is that her wedding day?

She looks good on her. It looks good on her. You'd think, okay, I'd take maybe anything else. I don't think it's a bad look. That's a pretty lady. Yeah, but the hair could be longer. I see here in her Wikipedia, she conceived octoplets and her six older children

via in vitro fertilization. So she had six kids and then she convinced that dude like, we're going to go back to the well one more time, but we're just one and done this time. And then eight more pop out. Like you can't even, you have subs for your baseball team.

You can't get them all to school. How do they get them to school? Like most, like even third row seat? SUVs and stuff have like seven let's like three six like yeah you would need like two suburbans no you need more than that yeah three three and two maybe just chuck a couple on the roof there's no like you'd but all the seats might not be appropriate for the child seats and because they're all the same age they're all going to go through that like i'm a one year old in a child seat phase like i don't know how many child seats you can you can stack somewhere safely someone

has to stay at home with them at all times right i'd get a short bus Yeah, that's probably the movie. And you'd also have to give them, like, oblivion character screen style haircuts. Otherwise, there's no way you're keeping them straight. Like, you'd have to be like, you know, all right, we already fed Mohawk. You'd need a commercial driver's license in that family to drive your 14 children around in a bus. The move is just to, like, turn your house into a daycare because that's what it already is. And take on, 20 isn't that much worse than 14, right?

Like take some paying kids in. Jesus, what a mess. Oh, man. I wonder if she got a C-sectioner if she gave birth to 14 children. Someone in my school, their family had like nine kids, which is a lot. And I wasn't friends with them, but I was friends with someone in their neighborhood. And their house looked like a motel. Like it just had like long hallways.

It was all sort of uniform and all the rooms kind of matched each other. are you at all curious because we all grew up in like normal sized households more or less are you at all curious what that would have been like to have had five six seven brothers and sisters i wanted it i uh my manager at the time i was having kids had five kids he might have grown to six eventually and his kids were all amazing they were all they were good-looking kids and they were incredibly well-behaved boys and girls you would want well not you but most people would want any one of these We were with them at a shopping mall. A shopping mall is just a candy store to children. They put their hands behind their back and walked through, like, all the clothing on hangers and stuff. You know, the, like, circular displays with the clothing. They didn't touch anything as they went by as they walked in single file. And I'm like, shit, this is what my family will be like, probably.

But once we had Colin and he was special needs, we'd cut the, we pulled the plug on having like a big family it's like we got a high effort family this is this is the end i mean even as a kid though like like like i never wanted more brothers and sisters than i had if anything i would have been better if it was just me you know you would have had way having brothers was fun like i i feel sad for my friends who were only children because you were just like if your parents did if you didn't have a neighborhood friend who was available to play that play that day and your parents didn't want to drive you anywhere it was like you're your your shit out of luck. Just go playing the woods.

I think you're projecting your childhood on to Kyle. Don't you think Kyle would have loved being an only child? I think that's Kyle's, like, that's what he should have been an only child. If Kyle had a sister didn't add anything to his life. If you had a brother that was like two years older than you and another brother that was like two years younger than you, you guys

would have been, had a rip-roaring good time. I wouldn't have got as much cool shit though. Like my four-wheeler would have been like a 250 instead of a 400. You just share it with your brothers. Yeah. Your four-wheeler would have fucking four-wheeler. A Kawasaki?

Get the fuck out of here. I love my four-wheeler. What did you have? Kawasaki 400, I think. Oh, yeah. Transmission? I think. I don't know.

You could have been having your woods walks with your brothers there. I wasn't brand loyal at 12. I was happy to get a new thing. Yeah, you could have walked around the woods and thrown rocks at squirrels and knocked down trees with your brothers. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I had my cousin.

You know, we hung around, had a good time together. but I was perfectly fine being alone and doing my own thing most of the time I don't get lonely I don't quite understand that like I like touching base with people and chatting I love shooting the shit about something that we have in common

but I could spend a week by myself and not talk to a person and not mind a bit I wouldn't like that my best days are usually my productive days like when I look back and I'm like man I woke up got this done that done that and I have like a laundry list of like accomplishments that feels good

The accomplishments can even be worthless. Yesterday, I defeated three bosses I had never beaten before in a video game. When I was like, I got some shit down today. Jackie, it's a pretzel kind of day. Don't skip on the mustard. Put the gold star under your name on the refrigerator. Every week, Trout, after the show, Woody has delicious soft pretzels waiting for him, which is like such a great way to end every show.

Sometimes like Woody will message and be like it's like four hours and one minute. He's like, let's wrap this up. And I'm like, oh, he's in a hurry. Oh, fuck, it's pretz pretz pretzel night. It's so good. I was like, I just went down and smoked a cigarette while you're reading ads. She's doing her nails on the couch. The oven is off.

Nothing's coming for me. I can't wait to be denied sex. got to get back on the load stack entice her again well in fairness I didn't do shit today I uploaded a video yesterday so I was like I've done a good thing I made a YouTube video I'm going to do nothing for eight hours while she has a real job

overflowing with dishes laundries fucking everywhere you just have pretzels waiting for melting on the counter he take care of that kind of sex should not be a payment I'm not into chore play everybody you don't do dishes to get laid No, no, no, no. You get laid by virtue of your charisma and who you are.

Yeah, that worked to pick her up and now I live in her house. That's true. You already got the hard part taken care of. You've got a bedroom secured. Now you just have to slowly migrate back down to the kitchen table. I even get a girlfriend at this point. You've got squatters rights. I'm professionally homeless. I haven't had an address. I don't know how squatters rights work, but whenever I see them work, I'm discwaters.

I see those videos sometimes of these people and like the homeowner is like, so this is my house, I bought it as an investment, you know, during the dot-com bubble actually right after that bopped and man, I got a good deal on it. It's, well, it was worth $325,000, but well, let me show you. And there's like crackheads living in his house. He's like, yo, I'm D-Rod. It's like, yeah, this is D-Rod. He refuses to leave. I ain't going nowhere. I think it's his wife. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was going to say, like, Kyle, I'm always on the homeowner's side. Always. I've never seen a situation in which I thought the freeloader should be able to remain in that house. Like, I don't know. I kind of get like eviction notice. You know, maybe you need 30 days to throw someone out because things get rough if you don't have a place to sleep real fast.

So 30 days, eh, maybe. Squatters, right? I can't even begin to fathom why that's okay. No. If they cut 30 to 14 and gave people two weeks notice to get the heck out, I don't think I'd be opposed to that. I've seen on Reddit people talking about how to deal with it. Like someone's like, I've got squatters.

They make it sound like they've got termites. Quickly. The Orcan man comes in. He's like, ah, here's what you've got to do. And apparently there are these scenarios where you just can't get them out in a timely fashion. Like, well, they're going to have to go through this hearing and that hearing and these proceedings and talk to the city. It's going to be a while.

but what you can do you own the property of course you can do all the home improvement you want so you can make it unlivable you can you can like you know remodel the floors and have the floors taken out you can turn the power and the water off you can take the doors off

the front you can take you can do whatever you want and as far as that goes so there are these people who are like in this ridiculous standoff squatters where they're making their own house uninhabitable to try to make the fucking bums leave and so I've seen there's a there's a YouTube channel the guy who does that

I've seen before, but my dad and my uncle bought a house. I was really young at the time. I was probably like, I don't know, seven, eight, whatever kindergarten ages. And they bought this house like a mile away from the house we grew up in. And they were going to remodel it and rent it out. Well, their first tenant was a single mother of three.

And she paid rent was a great tenant for like three months and then just stopped. Well, it's like state law based. And at the time, basically it was like you cannot evict state of indiana you cannot evict a single mother um so they were just stuck with this stranger you know living in their house that they had just spent all this money and remodeled for months and months and they fucking destroyed it to the point where it's like i get you know like putting holes in the wall to hang up like a you know your plaque or whatever but it's like like like you're a

woman why are you punching holes in the drywall like that type shit it was completely destroyed they ripped up the linoleum floors like like they invested all all this money into this house and this bitch and her kids fucked it up and like fucking a year and so they just sold it like it was a total loss for him that's so crazy i can't imagine being that shitty because when i leave a rental place like i pay cleaners to come in and like i leave it the way i like got it for one thing they'll take your goddamn deposit but for another like it's just a decent thing to do i don't like returning someone's thing back to them even dirty you know if i borrow something from you you should get it back as you gave it i

hate that yeah i don't know how squatters rights are a thing i guess i see a little bit of the idea of like kicking a single mother out on the streets but there should if the government is going to make it so i can't kick her out what they really should be doing is providing a place taking care of her yeah it's not a you take her i was like it's not like we were not fucking wealthy by any stretch of the imagination it was like uh like i said my dad was a contractor my my uncle was doing pretty well off, so they, so far as I understand, had, you know, like an agreement between the two of them. It's like, hey, all, you know, front of money for this house, you fix it up, because he lived out of state at the time. And then we'll rent it out and kind of reap the

profits. And I didn't go the way they planned. Every time my dad has rented a place, he's done it twice. When he first moved to where he lives now, before we sold our old house, he rented it briefly like oh this makes sense and it didn't they stole they like his uh his race car shop where he built cars and had his like hunting bows and trophies and stuff was it on the property they raided it stole his stuff and he went there and he was like asking the guy's like you don't know what happened to my my carburetor and my bow and my boots do you a few things that come up missing he's like ah no idea no idea no idea and the guy had like an eight-year-old daughter or something playing in the yard and when the guy wasn't looking dad went and talked to her as hey you don't know what happened to my boots do you and she went my daddy got your boots fucking rat out that's funny so he got his boots back in the end I was a bad renter once I didn't mean to be we

Jack and I moved into this little townhouse not the raised car parts or the house and uh I don't know. A couple of months after living there, we got two puppies. And we were housebreaking the puppies. We both had jobs. So they were like alone in the house as puppies and came home to a mess almost every day. When it was time to move out, we cleaned it top to bottom. We did everything. We rented a steam cleaner and tried to clean the carpets. But the smell of urine was seemingly not removable. We wanted our deposit back though. So like when they came to inspect. the place. It looks so spotless. Like the carpet was just steam cleaned. Everything looked great. As good or better than when we

moved in. But every window was open. And he's like, not bad. I see a little bit of water damage on the kitchen floor. Yeah, that's like 30 gallons of urine, but I'm not going to say that. As far as you don't, we're just sloppy dishwashers.

And so I was like, well, we'll take out like $25 for the towel repair and call that good. I'm like, you got it. I know when they re-entered that building with the windows closed, they were like, this is not what we thought, but we had already got our deposit. Yeah, landlord beware. I'm kind of with you on that one, like, that happened to you as much as, you know what I mean? Like, that's how I see that one.

That time I destroyed my apartment, I felt like the victim. I mean, I guess it was my fault, but I was 19. Which was with the, yeah. My 19th birthday, I was about to go. to my birthday dinner. I was in my first apartment that I'd ever gotten in life. And I was, I had all of my clothes that I owned in life and a pile on the floor because I'd just done like laundry. And I was ironing, I ironed my shirt for my birthday dinner and I hung it up from the ceiling and now I was ironing my like pants or something else. And when I hung my shirt, I hung it from

the sprinkler system. And I know now how a sprinkler system works. It's, It's kind of a piston system where that red little plastic thing up there, it melts and shatters. And if it gets too hot, and that releases a valve that immediately springs downward and it gushes water out. I know that because when I went to retrieve my shirt, I broke the red crystally thing and unleashed thousands and thousands of gallons of rusty water onto my head at high pressure and all of my clothing that I owned in the world. all my like work shirts all like all of the clothing that I owned that I would wear to work or anywhere I like how you're like work shirts are the real thing that like the damage done here you're like a 500,000 dollar apartment building and he's like all my t-shirts and shorts were staying did it set off the sprinklers for the whole building no so it's it's a localized thing I've just

broken that one little little thing and made that one sprinkler and it's right as soon as you walk in the door It's straight up. You know what I mean? Like it's right by the entryway door. And it's spraying my kitchen. It's spraying my living room. And it's spraying what I guess you call it for a forier, but really is big enough for one person to stand in.

And it's coming out with so much pressure, so much volume. And look, I'm panicking and I'm 18, just turned 19. So I grabbed the towel and like mushed it onto the sprinkler briefly. And so the volume of water that ran down my arm. I was like Only in that moment could I tell the volume Because it sprang out at high pressure It's kind of spritzing everywhere

But when I felt it I was like Oh, it's doomsday I grabbed my clothes And I sprint to the back bedroom And I throw them on the floor I'm soaked with the rust water And I know I have to abandon ship here Like leave the apartment

So I strip off all my clothes Put on dry clothes And then run past the sprinkler Outside And it's only now That the roar of the the sprinkler is not deafening. And I can hear the

me now, me now, me now, me now, and the of the fire department showing up and the buildings, sirens going off. And this is when I realized all of my neighbors are outside standing with their arms crossed looking at the building.

They have no idea that I'm the cause of this. So I joined this group like you're covered in bustling up. You could have done this. Just dripping, what the fuck happened in there? I did a good job. So, like, I, I, I did change clothes before I came out, and I used a towel to shield myself somewhat. So I didn't look a mess.

Like, I didn't stand out as being soaked or anything. I was a little spritzed. I was, you know what I mean? Would you say more or less spritz than everyone else? Well, it's hot and sweaty. It's George. I blend it in. And we're all kind of discussing what has gone wrong.

And I'm like, that's, uh, this is me. It's, uh, it's actually. I told him that it just You should have been like my theory was a jackass for a hanger after ironing a shirt for his birthday. I said it was spontaneous sprinkler

activation was my theory and I led the fireman into my apartment and I was like now listen as soon as you open the door it's going to spray you and I guess he took that as like a figurative warning

because he just opened the door and stuck his head in and it just like he comes back out And he's got a stripe of, like, water down his body. And he's like, oh, yeah, it's right as soon as you walk in. And they have a special tool to, like, go up in there and turn it off. So they turned it off.

There were inches of standing water in my apartment. The only things that made it out and were reusable were my Lord of the Rings box set. Nice. And my Tupperware, maybe. Like, every, my fucking Magna Box, it was ruined. Like, my couch. Everything was just destroyed. Everything was destroyed.

I had to restart life in that moment. And then the apartment complex puts it all in my credit and does set. I was told that there was something put on my credit called a hawk alert. I don't even know what that means. I don't know what that means either. Sounds bad, doesn't it? Yeah. Sounds like they're keeping an eye on you.

Make sure you don't destroy any other property with, you know, misplaced hangers. I had my boss run my credit at work like a few months later. And he was like, you got a hawk alert on here. and I didn't know what that meant, but it sounded real bad. Yeah, you were a real, kind of a wet bandit. It was thousands of dollars of damage, they said. I wasn't about to be held responsible at 18. You had a little period, I bet, where, like, you had to get rid of the couch and everything,

and you went back to, like, mattress on the floor, no couch mode. Oh, apparently a hawk alert or similar fraud alert on your credit report is a warning that indicates a potential risk of identity theft or fraudulent activity associated. with you know I don't I didn't see what I did as fraud I was a little accident that happened one evening how would that be fraud what was there to gain I did tell them that it spontaneously ah did they buy it well they put it on my credit so clearly not they did not buy it uh and bust the hawk alert a water damage story from renting as well that I've not told anybody so I figure it why not such a public place yeah I don't know

this didn't happen we were renting a house me and my girlfriend were running this house and we were on the second floor I think it was her birthday and we went back home we'd been drinking all night and there was just a standing shower stall

on the second floor and so came back we'd been boozing had had an adult fun time in the shower and apparently the panel was like rocking up and down well they put like a slip

slip joint on like a silicone joint which they shouldn't have done they should have glued it but it has the two hose clamps that are tightened by screwdrivers for those who don't know and it had loosened itself up we didn't know this at the time went to bed

it was like 3 o'clock in the morning we're laying in bed and she's like did you leave a sink on downstairs because we could hear water running and I was like I don't know maybe and I go downstairs into the kitchen and there's you know the whole kitchen floor is wet and I look up and there's a can light on the ceiling and it's just a steady stream of water is pouring down and so I was like oh fuck and so she comes down she takes like a cereal bowl and she's like collecting the water underneath I realized what's happened and I was like oh you're gonna fucking hate this I was like back up so I stand on the kitchen chair and take a hammer and smash it through the drywall it immediately drops like fucking 10,000 gallons of water just 3rd the entire first floor of the fucking house and called the landlord

the next morning. We just threw towels down the mouth that. We're both hammered. And it's again like three o'clock in the morning. You're going to need a salad bowl for me. I have the video of it still somewhere. It's funny as shit because I'm just dying. She's panicking. Like she's going to stop this fucking drip. I was like, watch. Check this out.

And called the landlord the next morning. And I was like, I think there was a leak and the kitchen ceiling collapsed. I am no. idea what happened. Oh, that sucks. But it was a plumbing issue. This wasn't your fault. Yeah, no, it wasn't my fault.

You know, heavy duty lovemaking that loosened that gasket, you know? I think that the occupancy, that shower was clearly rated for one occupant. And you overloaded it and caused that damage. That house was fucking

cursed. Everything was wrong with that. The fact that it didn't burn down that by the time we moved out is miraculous. list. My whole like the area, like I moved in and there was an unfinished part in my basement. I'm like, oh, I'm going to put like a big sectional down here and a giant TV and a pool table and a little

rec room. And first I had to have carpet put in. And so I got carpet put in. And like within like two weeks, if I recall my timeline correctly, I had a water issue where a pipe burst outside like the hose the pipe leading to the hose burst it was like it was a hose hookup outdoors that I didn't even know I had I had just moved in a couple months prior I thought I had a

hose on both sides of the house but apparently there's a hidden spigot that I never noticed back there and I was just like you know didn't do anything all day like to hear leaking like I went to work and came back and I was like I'm going to get a workout in now and I walked down there And it was all the can lights were just leaking, all of them, onto the carpet that was still like smelled new. It was so new. Like they were probably aggregately 15 steps taken on this carpet. Thank God I hadn't put electronics or sectional or anything in there yet.

You know the same thing happened to me. Man, this must be really common. Wait, you had an outdoor hookup burst and then it ruined your basement? No, I refinished my basement and then had it flood and had to tear up like $20,000 worth of hardwood. Oh my God. That's so much worse. That sucks. Yeah, it was awful. I put down cheap carpet after that. I was like, the cheapest. I was like, no, no, no, cheaper.

I wanted to look like an office in here. It did. I put down like school, schoolroom kindergarten carpet. Like it was, it was so short. There was no thread. You don't want to walk on it in bare feet. Well, I mean, vomit comes right out, though. You would scan your knee if you fell on it. It was rough. Yeah. Yeah. I don't remember. what leaked, but something

leaked, and it flooded, the hot water heater leaked, and it flooded the whole downstairs with standing room water, and I had, it was good hard wood. It wasn't great hardwood, but it wasn't that, like, glue down bullshit either. It was real wood.

That was glued to the fucking concrete. So when they went to take it up, they have to, like, scrape up every plank, and they don't come up in this nice clump. They splinter every, like, square foot of the way. So they're just down there, ah, ah, chisling it up and splinters of wood are coming up. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. I think it cost another, like, there was thousands just to

clean up the mess that was made. I had an apartment water flooding issue, but I was hardly inconvenienced and I took no responsibility because I didn't think I deserved any. This apartment came with the washer and dryer. And I guess the rubber hose that led to the washer aged out, but I didn't put the hose there. I wasn't my washer. I just rented all this stuff. And one day when I wasn't home, the hose burst. And it just poured water out.

But the nature of the damage was like it just went from the washer and dryer area straight down into my downstairs neighbor's place. He apparently was the real victim here. And he was like mad at me for something that happened when I wasn't home to a thing that I didn't do. And the rental people were mad at me. And I'm like, everyone here has a problem except me. I just need a new hose on here and I'm good to go. About that hose.

Yeah. So that is actually how it ended. They put a new hose on there. I know my downstairs neighbor had a bunch of renovations and shit he had to take care of. Yeah. Not me. I lived a, oh, go ahead.

Dealing with landlords is often, like nowadays, there's like three big companies that own all the real estate in America. and dealing with them is I don't think I've ever dealt with like a guy like oh yeah Bill my landlord he owns this place I had a girlfriend who had that

one time and it was nice because you could get a hold of Bill and he would immediately fix a hole in a door or a broken window because he owned the place but when it's this big trillion dollar corporation two or three houses ago we had a water leak in the front yard there was it looked like a coy pond was in my front yard there was water running down the street into the gutters for months, months of just flowing, and we'd call them

every three days. Hey, there's still a literal creek running out of our front yard down the road. Okay, yeah, you're on the priority list. All right, just so you know, we're not paying this water bill. Oh, yeah, of course you wouldn't pay it. Can I bet in writing? Oh, of course. It was, I wish I remember what the water bill was. I said it at the time, but it was thousands. It was thousands of dollars worth of water that they let, like, just run into the gutter down the street. I'd have got some coy. I mean, you're telling me this thing does automatic water changes? Yes, sir.

It was because they dug it up one time and left a crate and fixed it, quote, unquote. And so there was a big crater left from that yard work. So then when it broke again, it just filled the crater up. And now that's our coy pond. And it ran so continuously that it wasn't muddy water. It was clear, pretty water out there. And that was deceptively deep. Like, you'd step off into it if you fucked up.

Oh, what a mess with those people. I had the opposite experience. When I had, like, a dude who had a full-time job and a family in his own house, I felt like I was annoying him if I ever needed something done. On the other hand, like, when there's a, like, the place I live with the hose, they had a maintenance guy on staff whose job it was to be on call. And I like that situation more. Yeah, we have that, too.

there's maintenance people that are on call and they seem like well briefed in the type of appliances that this corporate entity uses so when they show up that's the garbage disposal in every house so they immediately know how to fix it I don't apparently every time it breaks

I got to call Latisha to come over and fix it and she looks at me like I'm stupid but it's not my job Latisha one of my college apartments was so shitty and the landlords were just phoning it in like they never stopped by or anything that like by my I lived there for the last two years of college.

By like the probably last six months there, it was already such a shitty place. Like, I just started smoking cigarettes in there. I would sit. I had a couch right next to the window and I'd turn the fan on. I just kind of opened both windows and just kind of blow it out the window. And like something I wouldn't have done like the first month I was there,

like, oh, that's, you know, that would be disrespectful to this place. And then, then, so I think that place has since been condemned. But, yeah, I was smoking cigarettes in there. The place I, my last apartment before I bought my house, so this is almost probably about seven years ago now, I noticed like immediately there was a tremendous amount of black mold on the stairwell, like an alarming amount. There was no way to walk through the stairwell into the back lot. And it was in the city. And so like, it was easier to walk out back to the parking lot because otherwise I had to walk. out the front and then like go around my building and go through a bit of a seedy alleyway and then

open up the gate with my key and then get in that way and so I would tell them like hey don't want to bother you guys but there's like there's a ton of black stuff all over my wall I'm pretty sure it's black mold like trying not to be like accusatory it's obviously black mold it took two seconds to look up and I was like can you guys like come take care of this and they're like yeah definitely I live there for like over a year and so for the last nine months or so I lived there I just closed area off and would like you know just tell people like you need to get to your car in the lot go out front because there's a lot of black mold back there do you notice how your breathing isn't good in here yeah go down the black mold hallway and uh they just never took care of this ignored me

every time and that's like I didn't realize how bad that shit was for you at the time I was like oh this is like going to give me the sniffles or something if I walk here every day it's like no I could give you brain damage if you're sitting here stuff yeah well that that house that we flooded the kitchen of it was my like a friend of mine bought it basically for us he was our landlord and it was kind of like a land lease essentially thing he like bought me and my girlfriend this house he's like oh yeah you guys are going to live in this house blah blah blah blah blah blah blah greatest guy in the fucking world anyway long story short he died very unexpectedly his wife is a raging cunt so she took over and then as soon as that happened i was like i'm about to get

evicted and I'm not getting my $500 deposit back just to rip cigarettes in the kitchen and then my favorite bit was friends would come over and they'd be like oh we can smoke in your house now and I'm like no no no no I can smoke it's ashing on the floor

if you want a cigarette go on the deck you're going to pay the cleanup fees all right then go right out there I've definitely smoked in them before but but I actually I smoked in the house

like four houses ago definitely like joints and weed and occasionally cigarettes but the they gave me all my deposit back it was shocking like that was the house where I had to leave and I just didn't have enough time to like really

like I left holes in the wall from mounting TVs I just didn't have time to do it I had to get to the new house and the truck is going back in the morning it's like midnight I got two hours to drive it's like I got to go we're done this is the last of it I left some garbage in there, like not piles of garbage, but it needed to be swept up better. They gave me my whole deposit back.

I was shocked. This house, I left fucking spotless. Like, uh, because like I, their family did so much for me. So I was like, I'm not going to fuck them over. And so I, you know, I had it professionally cleaned. I repainted all the fucking walls. Like this place was immaculate. And then she didn't give me again, fucking bitch, uh, didn't give me my deposit back,

which it's a long story, but I had like the eviction process. because originally again the intention was like we were going to buy this house from them and then after he died she changed her mind and so she didn't give me the deposit back and I was like hey can you send me like an invoice like why didn't I get the deposit back and it was the most bullshit thing it was like she had to have somebody vacuum the carpets and like leaf blow the sidewalk out front it was the most bullshit list of things but I was just like so done at that point I was like my my buddy's dead I don't want to fucking fight with his wife whatever.

That's annoying. Yeah, take the $500 and fuck off. I think I, no, no, I've never not gotten my deposit back because even that place I smoked SIGS in, like I deep cleaned it. Like, it took like a week of like cleaning and being getting it nice, making sure all the ash was hidden. That place had all the black mold in it. I was like really trying to like make sure I got my deposit back.

I ended up getting it back anyway because I guess I took care of everything else, but they were like, you have to replace all the bulbs. All the bulbs have to be fresh and replace. And this was like a loft. And so the ceilings were so high up. And I lived in an apartment. And so I didn't have a ladder. And I was like, all right, I'm going to go buy one of those big tools with a sucker on the end. And you stick it to the light bulb. And then you pull the light bulb down. And then you pull the light ball down. And then you pop a fresh one on there, replace it. Because, you know, a couple were out by that point. And I needed to do that. And I, it was like the last, it was the absolute last thing I had to do. Like I was. changing i got off work went to this apartment was going to change out the light bulbs throw away the bad ones and then get in my car and drive to the house i just bought and spend the night and stay there because that's where i lived now and i put it i put the sucker on stuck it to the light bulb went to turn and pull away the sucker comes off and now it's hanging from the light bulb because

i forgot to push down the clip that secures it and i just went like that george stanza like and then just like you know loosens my my pull tight scrubbed it back down into the thing to that in my car and I left I just

they didn't mind I guess that's it I tried I try I'm not going to go buy another one of these deposit bank of my first apartment where I punched a hole in the drywall with a fleshlight oh wow

you punched through or through your fleshlight could you have just used the flashlight no I fucked the wall would he it was like 19 and I had bought me and my friends the day we turned 18 we went and one of them turned 18 because it was like the oldest of my friends by a few months went to a sex shop just because like oh look boobs whatever yeah and we were walking through like the fleshlight aisle before like fleshlight was a name brand and they had this one box it was like this big and it said three pounds of pussy and something about advertising pussy by weight cracked me up so I bought it used it like twice because i'm not all about cleaning that up and then just kind of had it sitting half my bed well it was like silicone kind of rubbery obviously stretchy and uh this is like right when i first uh started dating uh my girlfriend at back then first apartment i'm like 19 years old well she sees it she's like what is that 20 pounds of pussy yeah as i call her

and i'm like i'm like oh that's susan don't worry about her just some bullshit name and grabbed it and threw it into the closet well it like distended as I feel it went oh fuck it went end over end over end and hit the above the top shelf in the closet

where the door was open and just stuck to the dry wall and we both laughed and laughed and laughed and then completely forgot about it until I went to move out like nine months later and so my dad and my brother are helping me move about. We're like emptying the closet. Well, I take shit off the top shelf because it's where you

keep, you know, fucking old financial records, whatever shit you never access. And I take this like bankers box down and there's just like fluorescent pink fleshlight stuck to the wall still. It's been nine months. And it had like the moisture, I guess, inside of whatever it's made out of had like absorbed into the drywall. Well, they're coming up the stairs to get the next load of boxes. So I panicked and I grabbed the fucking thing and ripped a crater out of the fucking thing. and I just stuff it into a backpack I don't know what the fuck to do

What the hell happened here? That's exactly what happened Something came out the wall That's literally exactly verbatim What happened My dad rounds the corner He goes what the fuck happened there And I'm like, I don't know

Raccoons or something Hey that's what I've been hearing in the wall Looks like I got hit by three pounds of pussy two of my friends didn't get their deposit back at their apartment this was probably close to at least 10 years ago and they treated this place like like the way the Chinese treat the sea with anger venom and like they like at no one I never saw a single person take their shoes off the carpet got so dirty that they stopped taking their shoes off there were like mush down places where it was just packed like thick sediment

of nonsense and when they finally or at one point they were both trashed and they were going to grill and then it started to rain and so my buddy took like the coals that he didn't think had ignited yet and just threw them back in the outdoor like there was a pantry kind of thing on the deck so he just tossed the coals in there and he says they were sitting inside two of them and another friend of mine and the guy who wasn't drunk my marine buddy was like like, I think I smell smoke. And they're like, oh, what are you talking about? And he's like, no, there's smoke coming out of your back, the patio right now.

There's smoke coming out of that little closet. What did you do? And he went back there and he says it was almost like a, like a Mr. Magoo like comedy moment where when he opened it, it was an absolute inferno. Like the entire room was on fire. And he was like, oh. And both my two friends who owned. rented the place we're tanked but my marine buddy was like you bucket right now fill up a bucket

you every time he fills a bucket you bring it to me and then as soon as you takes that bucket you start filling a second one we're doing this right now and he like succeeded and dowsing it and he said that that was the only part of the apartment they didn't get charged for because because the guy didn't check because he never imagined that someone could have a furnace level fire that was like like Like, he says every inch of every wall was black with soot, like, crispy. They could have burned down the whole place. Imagine him opening the door and going, you do not want to go in there. Yeah.

Basically. Yeah, they treated that place hellishly. So when you brought up three pounds of pussy, it reminded me on our, on PKN this week, our other show, I suggested that it might be funny if people through more dildos. under the court at the WNBA games. I, of course, wouldn't recommend anyone to do it. I wouldn't tell you to do it. But if it happened, I sure would laugh. And I know it wasn't you guys who answered my prayers, but just the world at large

seemed to have come together. Maybe God himself, there was a storm of dicks hitting the court this week, boys. Like, I lost count. And they've all been green so far. They've all been green. And there's a betting line on whether it's going to be blue necks, whether it's going to be over six and a half inches. and the odds are pretty juicy, you know?

So the NBA starts up this fall. Hear me out. Okay. We throw flashlights on the court. I think that plastic's going to shatter. If it's in it's like it's pussy housing, you know what I mean? They'll have to take out, they'll have to take the rubber parts. Some other rubber fuckable toy.

Nobody wants to get banned from NBA games, though. The whole point of this is like, oh, I can't go to the fucking at, Atlanta Spark anymore or whatever they're fucking called. No, no, no, I read online that's not what happens. If you get caught throwing a dilday onto a WMBA court, they make you attend 10, 10 more games.

You're there. I'll do anything. Ace, no, not Angel Reese. If I have to go to another fucking Baltimore Bimbo's game, I'm going to lose it. They caught a kid this week. He was 18 years old. I saw a mugshot

like one of our boys. I don't know what they're charging him with but they did arrest him and take his mugshot I'm sure he'll be banned from future events two counts of hilarity I again I must say the more dildos I see hitting that basketball court the more I'll crack up

it is fucking hilarious the move though is to use a suction cup dildo and to throw it in such a way that it sticks to the backboard because what's happening is they're hitting the court and very quickly someone kicks it over to the sidelines

whatever you call the side of the court and they throw a towel on it or some trainer scoops it up and like hurries it away so nobody gets to really yuck it up but if you stuck that bitch to the backboard and also I just like to see one of those big double-enders

okay like it's cool that we're throwing these little little green guys but I think a variety of dildos would be funnier if I see a a bad dragon hit the court. I'm going to lose my shit. We get an athletic guy with the suction cup dildo, jump up, stick it on the backboard, and not

one of the women can get it down. Oh, unless there's like a middling boys high school player in the audience, no one's going to be able to retrieve it. You're right. That's funny. Is you like Pately Clark jumping and not getting it? That would be very funny.

did you see they implemented a no bag rule to the games anymore i did you think that'll stop our boys yeah it's not where i hide the dillows in a purse what he got it you know exactly a prison purse a convenient storage hole for a delto it's gonna wear a big coat or something they'll find a way in you know it's just a barrier to entry they'll just you know think guys are a little more gumption to be throwing dildos now it's going in the old prison wallet winter coats yeah i mean you would have to you would have to be genuinely unbelievably athletic

to throw it like the whole length of the court and to get it to stick because what other angle could you throw it at to get it to stick? There's nothing. You'd have to like long shot it

from one end to the other. I may need to storm the court. I mean maybe during half time when they got that little springboard the mascot jumps off of because I'm gonna be honest I don't have the hops to get it up there, you know? Oh no. I'm not the guy.

I'm going to need that springboard. Yeah, yeah. Man, that would be great. That would be great. I love seeing that. Their sport is a mockery, so seeing it made a mockery of just fills my heart with, like, warmth. It's a big barrier to entry there because you have to buy an $8 ticket to a W&A. Ah, are there going to be any seats available?

Oh, yeah, right up here by the, right here. Are you the coach? Yeah, nice to meet you. It's the only sport where a hot dog costs more than getting into the fucking venue. Yeah, I'll take a towel. Sure. I'll talk. Yeah, I can't imagine trying to get excited at a WNBA game.

Like, I wouldn't want to go to a regular NBA game. She made it. Interested. But at least if I went to a real NBA game, I'd be like, all right. So at least I don't understand this sport. But at least I know these guys are the best at it. Like all the stuff they're doing, they're killing it. WNBA is like, oh, they just.

You would see higher level of play at a boys championship. Other women's sports, though? I just, I haven't really watched any women's sports. Like what? Like the MMA fighters would all lose against the boys But I'll enjoy their fights

Just as much Ah, all right So here's my take on WMMA I like it But I think the reason I liked it Is because I started watching During like a golden age Renaissance four women's MMA

And there's like, I would say nowadays There's only like four women who can fight It's like the heavyweight Division of men There's four athletic big guys Who can do the sport And then there's like

25 fat sos who don't have the discipline to be a light heavyweight. Or they're just unathletic freaks who are so big that they can cut it as the 24th best heavyweight in the world because the division is that shallow. Women's MMA is still the same thing. Amanda Nunez is coming back. But Kayla Harrison, the big yoked American who's champ right now,

she doesn't look technical to me. She doesn't look like what, like, if you compared her technique to an equivalent man's, it's not even close. the way Marab looks at 135, how sharp he is, how well-rounded he is at everything. She's just a big old monster woman. I always thought Rose was very technical, though she's had some shitty fights like three in a row or something, not losses necessarily, but just bad fights. But Valentina Shevchenko, Amanda Nunez, and that Chinese girl, who's name, yeah, Wei Li

or Wei Lin, or Wei Li, those three are three women who can fucking fight. They're technical. they're athletic, they're on another level. They're very good, and they would be able to cut it in women's MMA 10 years from now if it finally advances. But the rest of them are just like the men's heavyweight division. They're only here because there's no one better, and there isn't anyone better. To me, the women have always kind of been like that.

Like, forget the Karatey Hottie's real name or Paige Van Zant. Like, they weren't great fighters. They were a tier below. Ronda Rousey during that run, Beche? I swear to God. Six months before she fought Rhonda Rousey, this is true. She was working as a certified public accountant. Like that was her real career.

Not the first accountant to make it into the UFC. I can think Chuck Liddell comes to mind. But anyway, yeah, it's always been shallow on the women's side, but I don't really need skill or talent to enjoy fighting. I don't think it's going to get deeper necessarily. Or if it does, not going to be at the rate that the ufc does the ufc still doesn't pay nearly enough to attract the greatest athletes in the world you kind of get the leftovers that john jones is a perfect example

he's the leftover of his family even and he's the goat of of mama women's mbara it's that exacerbated magnified because what little girl is like oh yeah i want to get my brains beat out beat out on an octagon i'm going to start getting into to wrestling so i have a strong base. The horrific injuries some of those women get? Big cuts, big cuts. That's the other thing. Because you only have like three or four killers, like one per weight division

more or less, it's lambs to the slaughter, like half the time. I've seen Valentino Shepchinko beat the brakes off some women. And I would just be like, come on, you got her. You got her, let her. And she's like on top and full mount. and she's throwing nasty slicing elbows and this girl is the bullet the bullet yeah you can get the assassin out of my head she's like a dance she's almost like a like a like a Charlie's angel like she's a fantastic dancer she's trained in um and uh with firearms like she's and like

tactical shooting and she's one of the greatest women fighters of all time it's a heck of a show like she'll defend her title right win a world championship or keep her world championship or keep her championship by beating the brakes off some other girl. Then afterwards, she puts the belt on and pirouettes, and you're like, she can actually do that. You know, she dances in the octagon afterwards.

Yeah. And she's pretty. Yeah, she's pretty, pretty. She's definitely like on the more attractive side as far as women's MMA goes. But yeah, I don't think it's going to get much better anytime sooner. Anytime soon. And most, I don't know. I don't watch a lot of sports in general,

but like Taylor said, if I'm going, If I am going to spend my time and or money or whatever watching a sport, I don't want to watch the people, I want to watch the people who are the best at it. Exactly like Taylor said, I don't love the NBA and basketball, even as a sport. But I see the NBA is on, it's a championship game. I'm going to watch 20 minutes of it to see the best in the world, like, bounce the ball and throw it, you know? That alone is enough. Yeah, sometimes with women's sports, I don't, sometimes it's like watching pretty great. girls do the same thing. I'm talking about tennis, beach volleyball. Beach volleyball rules.

It's a short list. Heck, sometimes on YouTube, I watch indoor rock climbing. And it's like, oh, this is just pretty girls doing athletic shit. Oh, that harness riding up. Oh, she's going to need some chalk. They do it in like, I think they're called boy shorts. Like, you know, they don't need those. No, that's going to impede your movement, ma'am. I know what I'm doing. I'm doing. I'm doing. It's like just when you're eating out of a Chipotle bag right now you don't work here. Yeah, I don't

watch any women's sports that I can think of. Other than the MMA, but I you know, beach volleyball is on. I don't see how you can avoid that. Beach volleyball is just a wonderful thing. And the girls who the girls who play beach beach volleyball, they know. They know. Oh, yeah. They know what's happening.

It's only the Uggos who are always like, why can't we wear board shorts? fuck you you want no sponsors do you want no one to watch this you can but I'm running against you and you know who pushes back probably the hardest on that

I bet all the other girls on the team like beat her with socks full of oranges like in the locker room afterward like stop it you know why we're here if we start wearing short we're going to be making WNBA money I don't want that

my wife said I got to kick your ass yeah I think there's enough hot girls in the WNBA that if they just like sexied up the uniforms a little bit give a cut in the shirt shorten the shorts a touch show us Lola Bunny from Space Jam, Zach

the original the original and then officer hops I only want to see rabbits I want to feeled out for LaBron I remember watching that movie when I was like seven and being like this is a confusing character for me I know it's a rabbit but I like it

Dude, that has to be, I never thought about this. That has to be the origin for a lot of furry people's, like, awakening. Like, like, you know how? Maybe you saw that first, like, hot chicken a movie or something. You're like, oh, maybe, I think a lot of people see, like, Megan Fox and, like, Transformers or whatever. And that's their, like, awakening as a man. But, like, maybe someone saw, like, Made Marion in Robin Hood, that fuck. Look at this.

Dude, I actually, on that note, heard, I watched this, like, YouTube documentary. it was like an hour and a half long years ago apparently there was some like underground magazine for like furries back in the day and uh all these people would draw like sexualized animals like furries do now and like fucking 90% of them ended up working for like disney and like the theory is that's why you get lola bunny and shit like sexualized caricatures of animals well that's one of brothers but they ain't nothing wrong with that they didn't run with that that was fine i watched i watched space jam this week Michael Jack I remember Jordan being a better actor as a kid Wow He sucked And they put him

The best part They've got Newman's in that movie He's Michael's new agent or something Maybe he's a liaison Between his baseball team They want to keep Michael happy And he drives Michael home And I was like

What the fuck is Michael Jordan Need a ride home? Why isn't he in a limo Or like one of his fleet of magical cars he owns And then he gets home And it's like A suburban house it's like a regular normal middle class home

when he goes inside it's dumpy they really played down the fact that Michael Jordan three-time NBA champion is a multi-millionaire who's sponsored by half a dozen mainstream big-tier companies he's a multi-billioner now I think I think he's worth

three billion I'm not sure Jesus he can gamble all he wants I heard I heard that he had gambled away like a lot of money you know over the years but you can do that is baseball wasn't it Bruno do you know the Bruno Mars story

do you know the performing artist Bruno Mars yeah or at least you've heard of his name so I heard he lost at the casino like 53 million dollars and they were like oh rough night Bruno so cash or money order

or what are you going to do he's like I cannot pay you back and they were like well that's a problem because you owe us 53 million dollars how would you like to perform here for the rest of your life. And he was just like, deal. So if you Google right now,

Bruno Mars performing in Vegas, that's the hotel that he lost the money. He's at the Flamingo every weekend. Until he's 79. Yeah, he's doing shows there now for perpetuity to pay back his $53 million for gambling debt. I think that number's right. Yeah, the Park MGM.

Got a lot of shows. that's rough 53 million that's that's I've seen um I saw a video the other day there's this gambler named Mickey something is the guy with all the tattoos

he's covered in tattoos I know him from poker but he's also just a gambler and he's got really fantastic stories to the point where you they're hard to believe but I saw a clip where someone someone gave him like what was a lot of money to them

and and he was going to go gamble with it and give them back like a percentage of the one he's like he's like you give me $60,000 and if I get to a million I get to keep 300,000 of it and they're like a deal and he went and gambled up a million dollars like playing Baccarot or Chinese poker or some shit he's a he's a ridiculous gambler it's fun to watch his show his like interviews and hear him talk about gambling the tattoos are wild but Bruno Mars denies all this apparently does he Yeah, he says, he said he joked. I'm almost out of debt, but the MGM and Bruno Mars say he does not owe 50 million.

And it's like, well, there could have been some little backdoor exchanges there where it's like, all right, sign the contract and then we'll avoid this. Yeah, you don't want to say that you're only performing here at the wonderful MGM because you have to. Yeah. It's a much better look to say it to make it seem like you chose to perform at this wonderful hotel casino. I'm not technically a slave. Yeah, more of an indentured servant, heavily indentured. Yeah, I mean, at least he can do that. What would they do to a normal person?

They wouldn't let you rack up 50 million. That's a good point. That is a good point. They probably thought he was good for it. If I go in there in a top hat and a monocle, I can't be like, yes. I'm like the largest amount of money you have a variable. And then I just have to, like, change costumes trying to sneak out. I wonder how he lost that much.

Like, it. It's statistically improbable to lose every hand. Yeah. But I think it's statistically probable to lose most of them, right? Otherwise, they wouldn't. Did Kyle say what the game was? I'm looking up to see what game he was playing. If it's roulette, every so often you hit, right?

You can't just lose it all. You go in a $53 million hole. You pull it 53 million times. He just walked. walked into the casino and he was like, 24 million on black. Red, damn it. It's like, that South Park, he's like, let it ride. Blackjack?

Blackjack and slot machines. Oh, slot machines. Slot machines. Slot machines doesn't even make sense. How much is a slot machine, a dollar, $5, $10? What is it? There are some of there, like, $10,000 a pole. I've seen $100 slot machines.

There's that great Reddit video, and the guy, like, you, it's someone recording, over someone's shoulder not as their friend but like look what this guy's doing and he deposited i think 25 000 you can deposit the money at the at the slot machine so he's able he's depositing the money into the slot machine 25 grand and i think he's playing 5 000 a poll and it was just like you can imagine how fast 25 000 dollars goes in the big numbers here like some of them are 10 000 a pull okay so he needs to lose 5,300 times consecutively don't have to pull the lever what you could just push the red button oh that sucks it's still 5300 consecutive losses it's just a lot to lose he lost this so it's a lot of sessions but

in one session alone it said that he lost 17 million Jesus oh gambling will get you more people than most people will see in their entire life oh yeah 17 million you do a lot of fun things for that that don't involve you know pushing a red button and like By a trampoline. You could buy a whole sky zone. By a least three of trampoline. Yeah. And I'd be like part man.

Have you been to the sky zone? Oh, dude. I've said this many years ago. There was a sky zone near us. It's a warehouse they built for children to break their legs. Yeah, literally like the skies. Well, the sky zone near us when I was growing up. But they like put it in when I was in high school.

And one of my friends was like they have. dodge ball there and it was like oh sick and so we would go and do like free play dodge ball they had this giant trampoline area which was just for people like doing tricks and jumping and kids and it wasn't even that dangerous over there except for when people like like broke their ankles because they landed in the wrong spot but like they even did a good job of like all right the right side of this enormous thing is for the kids kind of bouncing around and the left side as you guys do your goofy tricks and flips and we never went to that side of the establishment there were also like three smaller dodge balls uh dodge ball rings set up with the same style with the

bouncy and everything that said there were lines on the ground and they'd put all the balls in the middle and we did free play and so we'd go there and then just whatever other groups of people wanted to play we'd take them on and we won all the time we're a bunch of like 16 year olds we'd go there a couple times a month sometimes and just oh man we're good at this we're good and we like one day at the lunch table in high school like i think my buddy carter got us all all like riled up and like confident in ourselves like you know I saw they've got a league how about we make a little foray it's like 10 bucks and pop guys 10 bucks a pop we go and we do this we did we all ponied up like the $10 or whatever and we show up and there's no kids it's all

real deal grownups who are like in their in their mid 20s early 30s they're fit they had uniforms they had uniforms it was like bowling teams I think one of them had like ball fondlers like stuff like that. And so we get put up there and we are we are getting brutal if that that Stalin executioner would have been

vomiting at what he saw how badly we were being fucked up by these adults. You've been a chance. We lost so so bad and there was I still remember like it's yesterday when I closed my eyes. The last team we had to play were these fucking heavy

hitters and they had this giant like Samoan guy who would not leave the like he barely even bounced he was just getting fed balls and this guy was throwing them in a way that physically didn't make sense how how fast they were going we're like you'd be like prepped and ready and he would make no bones about the fact that he's like I'm coming for you fired at you and you'd like be ready and it would still fight knock your block off it was horrible and the buddy who my buddy Carter who got us all to sign up for this we got brutalized so bad in the first game that he quit the tournament and there was a little area where you could like eat snacks and overlook like your Caesar like looking at the you know the toys and the

peons playing I remember like like like a saving private Ryan guy on the beach like getting head caved in by that giant Simone guy and like that ringing in my ears and like looking up and seeing him look down at us and just thinking like fuck you why don't you do this to us that was that was such a reality check wow like showing we walked in there well like we were strutton we had swagger and we got we're like sitting in silence at stake and shaking out what were the dodge balls like like what's the consistency like it was the same thing with like even gym dodgeball where most a lot of them were that crappy foam but there were a couple of the much much harder foam in there that you could get a good purchase on and really whip you need so we didn't have much

funding, I suppose. So we used kickballs with a little air taken out. So when you take the air out of a kickball, you can squeeze it so hard, you get a handle on it. And you can, like, really hold it now. And you can get wrist rotation. We were hurling those things in senior year. Like, like, it was mixed. We're playing with ninth graders, me and my buddy John Scott. He's, he was way bigger. He was six three. He was an athlete. We were hurting people. Like, I look, when the coach said dodge ball, we were, we were, we, we, we were, we, were like, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fistful, let's just fucking go. We're going to pay. I love Dodgeball. It was my favorite thing. I love Dodgeball sound and leaves the cross-hatch pattern on the fucking face.

I could throw pretty hard. Like, I could hit people when I wanted to. That was a fun sport. I remember when the movie Dodgeball came out, we were like, we should find a dodgeball league, but nothing ever came of it. Nobody wanted to go but me. No.

Dodgeball was a great day in gym. I agree. a lot of that's always the thing that is like a meme almost not really anymore but remember movies where it'd be like some characters like oh no it's dodge ball day this is the word like every time he was like dodgeball today I was like sick this this is the most fun thing dodgeball and volleyball for me I was taller than most and we were good at that at that I loved volleyball and I loved dodgeball those are the best days didn't like volleyball that dolly soccer game how do you play maybe we even just had a different name. So the ball's pretty big, maybe three or four feet in diameter, and it looks like a kickball. And you put your butt on this little platform with four wheels on it, like a little grocery cart type thing. And you mostly go backwards, push them with your feet, scurry, scurry, scurry. And I liked it because the unathletic people could barely get any speed going. They'd be running over their own fingers or falling off the cart.

but the more athletic people had a mobility just like shooting across and I like that game a lot if you can't throw or catch you can still pretty excel in grab soccer were they all different colors and they had two little plastic handles on the side that you didn't have handles

it was just a tiny little square that you sat on and they were kind of omnidirectional because like the wheels rotated 360 and you just didn't matter how you were sitting on it we did so I don't even remember what we did with those but we did not have the fun addition of a giant ball trying to score and that was we only did that in grade school

those little dollies my school was really well fun like we had the best paid teachers in the state so jealous are like we've talked about the field trips before like fucking whitewater rafting trips to New York City and and uh it's hard you know we had

talking about the fencing team yeah we had fencing we had a surfing team in my high school white as shit I ever had my life dude we didn't get golf in soccer until my 10th grade year. And we were like, wow. We had no sock. No.

Even the people, Mr. Beester is helping have soccer. The school I went to, we had one basketball and Tyler got it stuck in the gutter and then we didn't have them all anymore. When I moved to there and like we're playing baseball and they just hand out leather gloves to every

student. No, nothing like that. There were no gloves. my gym teacher who ended up getting fired years after I graduated for being a creep uh used to like sometimes creeping on on the lads uh he used to like sometimes before we started doing something he'd be like boys everybody line up get on a mat we're gonna do stretching and yoga he'd like make us he'd like be walking behind us doing like downward dog or shit is this the meat gazer all right this is a fucking creep an absolute creep Taylor's like you

you guys remember penis inspection day from gym class when your day teacher would inspect your penis every Tuesday to make sure it was normal? Yeah, it was every day. He'd walk in. It was an ocular pat down. He was given every single student. And that wasn't something that like looking back.

It's like, that's so strange. Like, at the time, people were like, what the fuck is this guy's crazy? Edlers used to go under the radar because, like, I think there was like this idea that, ah, yeah, he's just a, he's just goofy like that. You know, he's just silly,

little grab ass is all. And it's like, I don't think so. There's something sinister here. There was no reason for us to stretch that long. We only had like 20 minutes for dodge ball. Yeah, we didn't have any of that cool stuff. Woody's high school is, I'm so jealous. Like the idea of fencing, the alternative sports, archery,

like I started shooting the bow when I was 11 or 12 or something like that. I would have loved to have been able to do that in school. I was already good at it. Like, I had such a head, I had start on everybody. Like, I, I, I, I, I, I love to shoot. We didn't have any archery team. We, like, we didn't have any of that stuff. All of our cool stuff, the stuff that went above and beyond, was agriculture-related.

It made money. You had a real shop class where you got to build stuff. Yeah, we had an incredible machine shop and welding shop, like, like, just 50, maybe 10 or 15 welding booths with stick, Meg, Tig. two different metal lathes, the 3D drill presses, and that was just a metal shop. Then we had automotive that was like a full three-bay garage where they did oil changes and worked on cars. And then the construction class, which was like wood shop was even better. Like they made real projects and sold them for cash.

But then there was also a cattle barn, a huge cattle barn where they would go and like show their heifers and pigs. and lead them around to be judged. And then there was the catfish, the indoor catfish ponds and the horticulture greenhouses and a pig barn. The indoor catfish thing does sound cool.

But no fencing. Fencing wouldn't even have been fun. If there wasn't another school nearby that had a fencing team, what would you even do? We'd have traveled all the way to Atlanta and had a little culture in our lives, fits in the guys from Lagrange or whatever,

or Buford. Like, it would have been great. Instead, we were selling catfish on Friday nights to raise money for who knows what. Did you do any cool shit or fun stuff in high school trout? Well, we had kind of what Kyle was describing. We had like an automotive garage. We had welding booths. We had like a hardcore, like big-ass shop.

So I grew up in kind of butt fuck Indiana. And our shop teacher fucking ruled Doc, we called him because he was this old Vietnam vet. He's the greatest guy in the fucking world. Um, I found out, I put context clues together later on. Um, I'm pretty sure he was like Mac B. Saug in in Vietnam because I was in the shop class and we would do like a unit where we'd work on like paper and fill out shit and answer questionnaires and all this shit for, you know, a week.

And then we'd go in the shop and like build the shit that we were talking about. Well, he had a TA desk and he had all these CDs that he had made copies of back in the day from vinyl records. So I'd play DJ and like do all this shit, um, just. cueing up music. And then he'd let me know like the day before those packets were due where the project was doing. He was like, you, you know, you better get that thing done. It's due tomorrow. Like, all right. Yeah, I'll knock it out. And so I would do that. We had this awesome fucking relationship. He was my favorite teacher in high school. I walked in one day

with a pack of cigarettes in my breast pocket. And he just like slapped it. And he goes, you know, you can't have those. Come with me. We'd go back behind the, like, the woodshed where all the lumber was stored. And he's like, give me a cigarette. And I won't tell nobody. I smoked a cigarette with him out there and then yeah like years later or my senior year I'm about to graduate and I've taken his fucking shop class

which you're only supposed to take like two years it's like you take automotive one and then two or you take construction one and then two no I took every single one of his classes just so I could hang out with him the whole time every semester yeah take the drill press to just drill holes and shit and finally my senior year

and he goes he goes you know if you applied yourself to literally anything you could actually be somebody but you don't and I'm like yeah and then years later I'm a I'm a bartender and I'm leaving the grocery store and he's walking out it's like 11 o'clock at night he's got a gallon of milk in each hand this man is like my hero sick like I love this dude he's just hardcore old Vietnam vet walking out with a gallon of milk in each hand going to his old fucking pickup truck and I pass him and I'm like doc what's up dude and he goes what are you up to nowadays and i'm like oh i'm a bartender and he goes figures and then gets the truck and drives away that was the most hurtful thing anybody had ever said to me in my time i think about that every night before i go to bed getting ripped on by a guy headed home to crush i don't know 4,000 liquid calories his wife was like that hardcore alcoholic not that i have room to talk but uh she would be at local bar, which there was like one of in town. And she would call the classroom. I was sitting

his T.A's desk. So I'd answer his phone all the time. And I'd go, uh, I'm not going to say his real name, but I'd be John Smith's room. How may I direct your call? And she'd be like, Connor, give me John. And I'm like, please hold. And he'd be like, honey, I got to work till 3.30. You know that. I'll go pick you up afterwards. And he'd go pick up his wife afterwards. He's still kicking it. I saw him at the grocery store like a week ago. I didn't say anything because I didn't want my feelings. to be hurt. Was he loading up on milk?

He did. He had a lot of milk and a lot of sparkling water. If you explained to him, hey, I'm a TikToker now. I quit TikTok, sir. Retired TikToker. Doc sounds awesome. I'm like, well, Doc, have you ever heard of FeetFinder? No, I didn't help found it.

I just am losing a lot of money there. and our field trips I never went on a good field trip ever like one time I'm thinking of my high school field trips elementary school aside and high school one time my horticulture class which is where if you don't know

you take flowers and you turn them into arrangements is what we did in there easy A I slept through most of that but we went to a sod farm it's literally it's literally a grass

It's literally a field of grass And there's the machine there That like sort of scoops up the top layer of soil Plus the grass and And turns it into those squares that you put in your yard And they're like, well, that's the side farm All right, back in the bus. And then another time we went to

How far did the buses travel to see this I don't know, entertainment venue? Like 35 minutes maybe You know? Like I didn't know where we were but we weren't so far you know we came right back to the school afterwards and then another time we went to some greenhouses where they grew flowers um and i was okay these these are flowers and and god did we go on a better trip than that i don't i don't think so no ski trip that was the highlight

i don't think i don't think any of this does you want a ski trip field trip in high school there was some money required for that one though but yeah yeah oh good that makes me feel better that you had to pay up for dium. What the fuck? No, there was nothing like that.

I wanted a church trip one time. Yeah, I went a church ski trip, but it was, you know, my parents had to pay for me to go. You know, I worked for the church

making barbecue chicken for them for a weekend as my entry fee to that for some reason. I don't know why we didn't just come up with a hundred dollars. A hundred dollars.

Whatever it costs. Yeah. I'm trying to remember any good. We never had anything as Ruth boring as a sod farm which I imagine in Georgia

like you passed eight more interesting farms on the way it was it was nice to not be it's like oh that one has rouse look at the tobacco fields imagine if our trip went there used to be Jimmy Carter's peanut flour you think we got the budget to go to

a tobacco farm mires get it come here come on appreciate the side it's like that's Simpson's episode where they go to the box making factory on a field trip and they're about to they're talking to him and he's like and this back here is the secret of the box making factory

this door generally stays closed and today that will be no different we'll continue the box making factory we went to the city museum which was just like a bunch of stuff strung up around

some old shoe factory that you got to climb around like an old airplane like four or five stories in the air it was safeish and so you got to like climb around do shit like that other stuff we went to the botanical gardens my senior year that was the place i went to where uh the the bathroom was out of order and i had to shit so bad at the botanical gardens that i hid under a willow tree and shit under the willow tree and then wiped my ass with my socks and then i went back out to my friends like just like clean just no

like nothing it happened like nothing else too shitty socks in the base of a wool tree in the botanical gardens who here wears a Dita socks I mean business

somebody better give me some answers I mean I'm always sockless you guys know that about me that was historical weeping world yeah that was a wild that's a rough one

that was rough shit it was outside it was under a tree that makes it infinitely worse yeah oh i was dude i was so like in my head i was thinking like at least like this is like an end of senior year trip so if i'm caught i could just pretend to be a new guy in college it's just coming to me i've never had to shit in the wilderness really i've always made it indoors only a couple times i have a friend who poops in the woods like it was peeing like every time we go dirt biking

he's like hold on i need a minute we just got you yeah but he'll go 12 I've been holding it in. We'll ride motorcycles for like four hours and he poops twice during that period of time. I'm like, you didn't come prepared. Pooping twice and four hours. Like, come on, have a little gumption. It's like it was me, but he brings toilet paper with them and everything. Come to think of it, that five days we were in the, the, the, the, the, the, at Mount

Currieh, he in the wilderness. I don't think I pooped out there. No, five days? Yeah, I don't think so. Maybe I, maybe I get constipated when I'm under. high stress, like prison, and a trip to the woods with Woody. I did. I had wet wipes and a little poop shovel.

Oh, yeah, we all had the wet wipes. We were using that as substifuge on your slip. Man, I love that. I have fond memories of that trip. That was, it was sort of awful to be out there in the hot sweatiness of the night and, like, having no relief from that. But there were some good times, too. I enjoyed that stupid game we were playing. We were like naming animals for every letter of that.

Around the fire, right, like alligator, I'm stumped bird. All right, usually doesn't take that long to get somebody out, but I can remember like, all right, all right, he's going to be gay, he's going to be L. I need an L for what it gets to me. There's no animals that start with L. Limer. Lion. Yeah.

That is a fun little campfire game. Oh, we went to the zoo. The zoo was the best field trip we had. That is a good one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You can even learn something in the zoo. Yeah, they trick you into learning because it's so fun.

You get to go look at all the insects. I take it back. We went to six flags. So I had this bullshit class called Life Connections. It was in a trailer outside the school. And it was these two chunky, 35, 40-year-old women who were just like free spirits and had been given a budget. And it was just like, like,

we just fucked off in there. And like we sort of learned, but it was like freewheeling learning. Like it was like, what do you guys want to talk about that? It was more like that. And somehow they wrangled up a field trip to six flags over Georgia.

And we all just went and rode roller coasters for a whole day. I got a class like that too. It was called four challenges. I don't even recall what the four challenges were. But that was the genesis of the whole whitewater rafting field trip, where that girl almost drowned. Yeah. I mean, you know, I've never been real deal whitewater rafting.

We went that time to Tennessee or North Carolina or whatever, but I was not impressed. I wanted to be afraid. It had a good rapid or two at the very start. Yeah, yeah, not everybody was able to stay on the ship. We had a man overboard. Me and Woody saved a life that day. And then after that It was just a bunch of hours

Sort of hanging out on a raft Yeah, it was very much like deliverance I need to rewatch that I haven't seen it since I was a kid I watched deliverance when I was like 13 And I still remember I didn't know what I was watching It was like a TV afternoon movie

On a Sunday And I was home alone watching it And I was like What's he gonna do to Ned Beatty? Make him squeal like a piggy I was like his mouth isn't pretty at all What are you talking about? out.

The next thing you know, poor old Ned Bady's crawling around with his panties off and it's traumatizing. I can remember like feeling sick to my stomach for Ned Bady and then like my heart was like beating with like anxiety for that movie, you know, like that's a rough one. It's a stressful scene. They killed the rapist, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not soon enough.

Not soon enough to save poor old Ned Bady. And it's afterwards, he's like, hang on a minute, fellas, I don't, I don't, I'd be fine with me. If we never said a word about this to nobody, never again. It's like, yeah, of course you'd say that, Ned. You didn't kill somebody. Like, we got to figure out what to do here. I would have been like, all right, well, clearly none of us can be friends. I can't be friends with any of you.

I need to go find new friends who don't know about this. I think me and Woody would just be thinking, oh, lucky stars, that he was into bigger guys and he went for you. You know, this wasn't all bad I mean, we're kind of looking like he was almost throwing it back. I got a free ticket to be gay. No, I hate this. Don't rape my friends.

Rape me. yeah that'd be awful that would be awful I don't think we could be friends after that or if we did like I can just imagine like one of y'all

start telling the story on the show and I just let's shut up did Bert Randall the rapist no Bert Reynolds gets knocked out of like combat

as it were very early on because he's like the he looks tremendous he got in really good shape for the movie he worked out a ton and then they put him

in a wet suit and he was like what the fuck you can't see my arms in that he's like well I'm sorry that's what it looks like he cut the arms off the wetsuit that's why he's and if you look at it down to his nipples

yeah so he's wearing a wetsuit vest now it doesn't make sense it wetsuits need arms otherwise they fill up constantly dude his arms are fresh of flying cold water

Zach show me burt Reynolds from deliverance show me them arms let's see them guns you gotta keep mine this is I don't remember it being that good So I put it in the perspective of This is the 70s with no juice This is just an actor who smoked cigarettes and drank beer Hitting the gym

This is just him lifting weights in his free time And I think he looks pretty tremendous Oh god damn it He's not better He looks pretty good Get another picture and see if this is like him He looks good Most people wish they look at 70s yoked

There's one where he's by the water and his bicep is popping more even here you can see yeah there you go okay okay yeah that's a good look he's in good shape yeah great shape and you know and the other two it's John Voight and Ned Beatty and John Voight's like a pencil dick

like accountant type guy no offense and Ned Beatty is like a chunky soft Atlanta Braves fan kind of kind of guy I'm pretty sure Bert Reynolds is the accountant in this he doesn't look it that's what they look like I think what is a movie about accountants

called me i always forget about the guy on the left they must kill him or something i always forget he's even in the movie i don't even remember him i've only seen it once but i have no memory of the guy on the left yeah i don't think i'll watch that one again have you been watching star trek um i might not be up to up to date up to date but yes the last i saw them do some stuff with the gorn they fought that cling on woman on top of a building um then they did the hollow deck episode where they were in like a noir murder mystery i think that's the most recent one maybe a new one's come out since yesterday but I'm finding it okay it's next gen it's like office worker Star Trek hmm for example I find it to be

fantastical and a little silly there's a you know there's a Muppet episode this season next gen was fantastical and silly I didn't know there was a Muppet episode I don't want that I like the movie version I like it when they're like okay we got a problem on our hands who here's good with MMA, motorcross, and base jumping. That's the skills. Everyone's hands go up. Yeah, right. A couple guys raise their hands. They jump out. They base jump out.

Well, I've done a little motorcross samurai work in my time. That's my favorite Star Trek. This one, they're like, all right, we're in a big space battle with the Gorn. We're going to win. No shots fired, of course. We're going to emulate the sun

as we'll probably get them to hibernate, and then we'll just escape. They're like, that is. They're science them to science mumbo-jumboed them to death. I'm pretty sure half of these words are fake or I'm scientifically illiterate. One of those is true.

Yeah, I watch enough like cosmology YouTube to be like that's not how that works. Every now that I'm doing, they're like between two neutron stars doing something. And I'm looking at my girlfriend, like, they'd be so far away from each other.

Close in neutron star terms is fucking like multiple AUs. They'd be so far away from each other. everything would be moving fast and they'd all be dead and time would change this is bullshit but it's star trek so you know it's whatever it i thought it's been pretty action heavy they went they had that zombie episode they literally had a zombie episode when they went down to the the cling on zombie planet and they had a clingon girl with a with a space whip and a gun in the other hand that was pretty sick i liked all that i like that the black doctor is secretly like a dark ops assassin

who could like flip that switch when he has a monster inside him can come out when need be which is never i thought that was a black reference but it turned out he was like an assassin and that doctor every time he's on screen i fight to stay awake he is the slowest talking dullest character ever he's in that other movie i recommended the uh ungentlemanly warfare movie he's in it and and it's just like man i don't think these nazis would be tolerating this guy i get he's suave and all but i think they'd be getting him you know what i mean He shows up with, like, a white woman, and all the Nazis are like, ah, nice to see you again.

It's like, what the fuck is happening right now? This, I was on board when we were blowing up battleships with scuba divers, but this seems unrealistic. That would be funny if the Nazis were like, oh, my God, it's Jesse Owens here. That would be, that would be funny. They just think every black guy they see is Jesse Owens. You're getting his autograph. they're always trying to race him but he keeps turning him down like Jerry

like he's trying to hide he's another reason he's my favorite so humble he's one of the good ones I need to watch that young gentleman the warfare movie you guys only sound awesome it's good it's like uh so it's not that it's not action movie that's so lighthearted that it's goofy it I guess it verges on that occasionally but for the most part for the most part it's pretty realistic. There's some funny moments for sure.

And it's just hyper-violent. It's, again, it's what I wanted from Inglorious Bastards, but condensed down into a nice, I don't remember how long it was, but it didn't feel overly long. It was a good movie. I liked it. It feels like a tight 90.

I'd watch a sequel to it. I'd watch them do some more shit. Boys, we know the pretzel hour is upon us. Do I hear the pretzels? So Trout, where can everyone find you and your content? YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, King Trout. Look me up. I'm on the internet.

King Trout. Thanks for having me, guys. Yeah, that was fun. Links in the description. Great guest. And come like a champion. You guys, your loads, I'm hearing, are ridiculous lock and load. P.C.A. 764.