Painkiller Already - PKA 768 W/ Bruce Greene: Woody's Eyebrow Transplant

Episode Date: September 6, 2025

PKK 768 our guest Bruce Green should be coming in about half an hour Taylor this episode of PKK is brought to you by lock and load and our wonderful merchandise how are you boys you looking good oh wonderful just wonderful huge day big day started out strong got plenty of sleep last night full nine hours and then my hair is extra tall I noticed that I think it looks great it's a go full Captain Pike with it I'm working on it I'm working on it I bet I bet is that is that that a thing between you and Jackie's like, man, I love Captain Pike's hair. It's like as high as do you remember when Cameron Diaz in that movie grabs the sperm off of Ben Stiller. Same technique. Yeah, it works. It looks like a dream. Yeah. Is that hair? Is that hair gel? I need something.

It works. Just speaking of hair gel. I had to adjust my camera. My hair is getting cut off. It is. You can barely see your fucking YouTube metal in the back. Do you guys remember this was probably five years ago now? but there was like a viral story where some lady like slathered her head and hair in gorilla glue

and was like I thought this was a hairstyling gel and like they had to basically get a masonry chisel at the hospital and get that off of her and everyone was like well let's give her a break let's see what the bottle looked like and it's like a picture of a gorilla holding adhesive it couldn't be it didn't say to be fair to be fair it was a black woman she might have thought that was branded oh I don't think so Kyle I think we're enlightened now you're mean spirited

that was very funny she's the one a gorilla glued her fucking skull what a retired what a complete retire that's so funny like just to grab something by shape and be like this is it just in the squeeze

yeah this one trick CVS doesn't want you to know So hair styling products are half price at Home Depot. She thought it was like, you use it once annually. That's how you save money. Extra firm old. But anyway, this news story, Zach, that I linked you,

that I was hoping wouldn't expose before the beginning, I never see like the Kyle. This is like the twist on Kyle's police cam videos, because I don't watch those, but I saw this come across my feed. The story is that the guy in the Chuckie cheese outfit stole the credit card of another chucky cheese employee and then over a period of time was like buying stuff on it defrauding that other employee and you can hear initially the video because it's like a

six minute body cam and it's a nice body cam video because unlike kiles they're this is very low intensity you can see the two cops are walking in they're like which we know who this guy is and they're like i think it's i think it's actually the guy in the chucky suit And so he's like, oh, Charles M. Cheese over there. Charles M.C.? And they walk in and they find the guy.

And for some reason, they do not remove his mascot head. They leave his mascot head on it. And so like as that would traumatize the kids. It did. The kids were in there. And you can hear as he's being like, like walked out through that,

you know, the little corridor at every Chucky Cheese where you have to pay in the little ticket or whatever, then you go to Run Wild. They're leading him back out through there. And you can hear these kids in the background, a chorus of like, Chucky,

Chucky, no, Chucky, no. Like, the least they could. I don't know what's more traumatizing. Leaving the hat on or taking it off? Because you destroy the, maybe, because you couldn't convince a child that Chucky was just a little now in his luck. Of course. But they got the head off.

They took the head off. Wouldn't you know? I was going to say, based on the smile on his face, he's not taking it seriously. Now he looks more upset. For those who are audio only, it's a number one suspect. Yep, Charles M. Cheese. We have to be better.

Yeah, the Chuck E. Cheese guy in his big old goofy red foam shoes out there, stealing credit cards from his, not employees. There's no way that guy's running the ship there, but a fellow employee. Who's the rest of the rat crew there at Chuck E cheese? I'm a little unfamiliar with the lore. There aren't, or I don't know if they still have. Is there a Gwemis type character, a hamburger, and a dish. Their version of Ronald. There was a chicken.

Who else was in the gang? There was Chucky. And then there was a chicken lady. And then there was, I want to say, a hippo of sorts up there. I'm having trouble remembering. It's been over 20 years since I've been to a birthday party. Okay, so there's Charlie Rocket. There's Helen Henney.

That's your chicken lady. Pasquale. Pasquale appears to be an Italian man. He's perhaps in the back making up the pizzas. There's Mr. Munch, which has a slightly different context these days. He's sort of a purple ghoul of a monster man. Wouldn't you know it? Censorship strikes again.

I try to go to the Chucky Cheese Gang fandom page, and it says this wiki has been closed. Why? Someone speaking truth to power, perhaps? Yep. Charlie Rocket is definitely a pig boy. Yeah, I remember the, I only remember the purple guy because he was like a stupid grimace

as if like the McDonald's one was cool he was mostly involved in a hungry, hungry hippos like ripoff game but it was like munchy's munch time or something and you'd like slam this button to see how many little balls you can get on your side this picture I hate Zach

if you could find a better one I'd appreciate it then hashtag not my chucky that's not what he ever looked like ever yeah he looks a little I don't know like he'd be touching the kids he looks a little a fete well Helen Hennie's kind of cute here though she can get it she is she's lost a lot of weight

see these are the ones I remember because there was an animatronic nightmare induced there was a no no no because the lights were bright and you were you know nine worse and the there was an animatronic band and it Jasper Jowell's eyes I mean okay there were little bits of the eyes that was creepy It looks like that Iwojima painting from World War II

where the soldier behind the soldier is just a wake of blood and go Like he's seen too much. Like sometimes you could tell they hadn't serviced the robots in a while and like they wouldn't blink in sync and that was a little unnerving or their like movements with the instruments would be too jarring to staccato and I didn't like that. It's only like as an adult that I realized like how horrid it must have been to be like a 40 year old parent having to sit there in the pizza area because that was the only lounge area there like because they were just sitting around. they weren't playing the games. They were conversing. But regardless of whether they were like they were playing games or not, they had to listen to the Chucky Cheese Band, play the same three songs every 19 minutes on a loop over and over and over for the whole party. And I didn't really like, it annoyed me a little bit when I was like nine. So I can't imagine like my

but then again, like I do seem to also remember there being a lot of empty red pitchers on the adult table by the time we were halfway through the party and they seemed to be enjoying. it i bet that was the reason they're getting a little a little drunk at chucky cheese i'm completely unfamiliar with the lore i never been there um just kids dave and busters it's fun i've been there yeah well then you get it it's like uh dave and busters with worst games better at least when i was a kid the food was better their pizza was shockingly good shocking you would have pizza at chucky cheese and it was like how could why would this be as good as it is the one near me was great it had like a real oven pizza and then i think they faced uh they portnoy went to chucky

cheese once and got one of those pizzas it actually i think he gave it an okay rating like not like a trash trash rating but just like yeah it's okay kind of brand it's not bad it's thin i think he likes thin like he takes one bite crispy crust not really but he doesn't that's too much weight oh he doesn't no that's the joke he goes one bite everybody knows the rules and then he eats and then he eats it and he's like i love this i can't i can't stop and he's He's never once only done one bite. Never once. I've only seen, like, a few of the reviews.

Hundreds and hundreds of hundreds. Okay. That's actually good to me. I was invalidating his reviews. If I took one bite of any of your meals and then gave a review on it, especially if it was your entire livelihood, it's like, you know, guys worth $100 million plus, takes one bite and ruined your business. He's great for like, he's a good model.

like he's great for you'll see him sometimes like like the employees and the owner will come out and they'll be so kind to him and they're like this means everything to us COVID nearly knocked us out we had to leverage everything and and me ma died and it's her recipe and so this piece this is the me ma pizza and and our hopes and dreams rest upon your review kind sir we'll leave you alone no pressure we love you so much and then they walk away and he's like I mean you know the story and the the kids look at the kids look at the kids kids in the window in the camp Frankie look at the kids and they'll like flick the camera the kids look hungry in the window like they can't even afford pizza in their parents on a pizza joint

ah we give a 7-5 all right it's a friendly 7-5 the story may it may it throw me off a little I don't know like he'll give them a better score than maybe they even deserve and he'll kind of like with a wink and a nod give him a 7-5 or whatever he's he's a good guy seemingly from his videos and his deposition footage oh I remember that clip being huge probably 10 years ago now something like that, where that actor was mad at him for saying he had herpes. Was that it? Where, like, some David Rappaport, Michael Rappaport, one of those, something Rappaport. Like, I guess they had a public feud or business-related thing.

And the actor has, like, had like a giant herpes sore. And the Dave Portnwright Barstool had a T-shirt made to, like, make him look like a clown with, like, a nose and, like, wearing a clown outfit. and also like a huge herpes sore on there and in the deposition the other attorney who like did the same tier of job that I would have done like woke up hungover was like so what's the joke here you're doing and Dave's like the joke's that he's a clown and he's like okay but you did put a large herpes sore on him is that part of the joke and he's like no the joke is that he's dressed like a clown what are you not an understanding about this like just being obstinate that he's not clearly making fun of him for having a giant herpes sore on that.

there. Yeah, that was funny. I like seeing people do well in like absurd lawsuit depositions where it's like, come on, get over it. Like someone made a mean t-shirt about you based like solely on a picture you took on a red carpet event with a like giant herpes sore. Like you knew you were getting into this because they're both like, I mean, Rappaport's a professional comedian comic actor and like I like him a lot. Like his work a lot. That's weird that they end up in a lawsuit. He's had a long career in Hollywood. They drop the lawsuits in the end. They They each suit each other, I think, is what ended up happening for just silly nonsense. But the deposition footage is hilarious because he clearly doesn't give a fuck.

His lawyers told him, like, say what you want. It doesn't matter. Have fun. I'm sorry you didn't get to experience Chuckie Cheese as a little lad. No, no, nothing like that. I think I went to Toys R Us twice. That's it? Yeah.

Yeah. What are you going to do? We're going to go on there, buy you something? before you haven't been good you know you drive right past that bitch on the way to red lobster you know in fairness he probably had you i'm like you're gonna have the admirals feast when we get there dad i can't have a fucking like second game for my for my uh game boy no no keep playing test a second game it's 1997 come on dude i was like the only eight-year-old kid who like if my parents told me we're going to red lobster would be more excited than if they said we're going to

Chucky cheese, because I knew that meant crab. I mean, I really love, well, I would do crab at red, crab everywhere. I just like those cheddar biscuits. There's no crab at Toys R Us. I like to see the lobsters in the tank. Chinese crab. I like any restaurant that has live animals on,

on tap. I think that's a cool thing. I don't think there's a crab at chucky cheese. I think your statement that there's crab everywhere is wildly off. Well, I think he was saying, I get crab everywhere. Mm-hmm. That can't be true either. Nope.

Nah, always won me over. I like the live lobsters, though. I like the idea of picking the one that's going to die and eating that one. I've always said that that should be everywhere. Like, you should be able to go to a place and pick out your pig, pick out your cow. Look at you, that one, that one right there. I would pick out the saddest one, in all instances. Like, just find one and convince yourself and putting you out of your misery.

You get to go to pig heaven. I want to pick one out and bring it home, put it in the tank. That'd be dope. A pig? No, crap. No, crap. There's a YouTuber He bought a lobster

It was crazy Red Lobster brought it home Kept it as a pet It took two tries before it lived I didn't know they'd let you do that Although I I guess why would they give a fuck You know what

Can you knock three dollars off For not cooking it? They're like you know what Whatever man Do you remember that black guy That was making videos Where he'd run into Red Lobster And just reach in

And grab to and run away I do not remember that. He was just stealing them out of the lobby of Red Lobsters. Don't film your crimes, people. That's really on Red Lobster. If they wanted to stop stealing, they wouldn't rubber ban the claws until they were taking them to the kill chamber.

You'd let the pincers stay free. That way somebody reaches. I guess the colloquially, the pot. The pot. I hope they're not boiling them alive. That's not cool. I never like it when I saw. that when they boil the animals.

Then don't watch Chinese street food or Chinese cooking videos. They're doing that for fun. They're just like... Oh, look how much it hates when I pour soy sauce on its nervous system. And it's like... Why are you doing this? Just eat it. I saw a lady eat a crab alive the other day.

This Chinese lady had like a crab and she was tearing its legs off and eating them raw. And it was crunch. She was like really having to power through it. But the crab is just like, ah, trying to pinch her. And she's like, oh, that one. next. It just like tears its cloth and eats that. It's awful. I hate that so much. There's no reason. It's

cruelty is the only reason to do that. It can't taste better that way. It can't taste better. They say that stress makes animals taste worse. And so it could be impeding your flavor. It could be making a worse. I don't like it. These are awful. Yeah, I don't like those eating living animals thing. I saw. I think I'm processing this in my mind. Like, would I eat a living

animal? Well, I mean, you can still put butter on a living animal, right? That's the point of the crab. It's going to be harder. You're going to waste a lot of butter. I feel like you just rip the arm off, dipping in butter, and then you're good to go. Maybe I could do. I'm here for it. I saw a Chinese, like one of the most egregious ones I saw with like the Chinese cooking was actually super recent. And it was, I think it was China. China's the only country big enough for like these videos are all over. And I guess it's a flash fry. fish recipe and they take a living fish and they fry everything but the head and they do it rapidly and so then when they're serving it it's like peeling and flaking and fried on the outside and the

fish is still like like making scared face and like the people are just sitting around like it's a fucking blooming onion tearing the pieces like tearing pieces off of this still a live animal That's awful. Yeah. And there's people commenting, like, you don't understand the culture. It's like, someone needs to shut this down. You can't be, just, just kill the fish and eat it normally. Who's, why?

Why do this? I don't even like when grizzly bears are eating salmon and they skin them alive and like rip them apart really slowly. I can't watch that. I'm like, come on, dude. Just bite its head. What's your problem, bear? You guys are making me feel guilty for what I do to grapes, which is basically the same thing.

I pluck them off one by one, eat them bit by bit. If you were Chinese, you'd be doing that like cat paws. Like, you'd be ripping off their nails and everything. Yeah, there's no way I, maybe I'm close-minded. Actually, I definitely know I'm close-minded about some things. But like, it would take the most skilled linguist with like a giant tray of physical proof and tasty food to be like, now blind test. This is the one we killed beforehand. This is the one that suffered immensely.

What's better? And I'd have to like go 10 for 10 picking. the tortured one. But there's no way that's it. It's just like some guy bored in China deciding that he wants to fucking kill animals. Or no, actually deciding he doesn't want to kill animals. Do we do anything like that in the West that they look at you think? And they're like, oh, that's awful.

They do that? Like, like, it's not like they don't eat veal too. Veal is like the worst thing that I eat. We boil shellfish alive. I don't. People do. Some do, yeah. everyone I know kills them first

most chefs kill them first yeah but I don't think the things we're talking about in these other countries where we flash fry a fish and eat it while its mouth is still gaping isn't every one thing either yeah that's bizarrely that seems only China I've never

seen like a guy from you know Poland or Russia or you know Honduras or whatever doing that like I've only seen fucking Chinese people doing that a lot of cruelty towards animals over there the dogs and the cats too

you know like I saw this YouTuber who's like buying all the dogs that are for food and they're in these little cages and taking them with them to like free them

of course because we're shopping for dogs now a lot of great Danes are like $3,000 and then some of the great Danes are like $600 and I'm like

babe let's get that one and resell it for $3,000 I'm flipping dogs over here. It's a genius idea. Way better than couches. You're going to show up next week, covered in scratches, looking exhausted.

Nobody will buy the dogs. I have 47 great dates. They're getting big. For $600, all I could get were good dades. Oh, damn it, that guy on R-slash-dog swaps was right. This is a, I'm in a huge hole here. Yeah. I mean, you could do that until you find the perfect one.

I think, especially with, I say especially, but I don't know why. I guess I feel like Great Danes have, maybe because they're so big, minor genetic flaws that a lab might live through, a Great Dane might, his heart might just completely fail. I just feel like they shouldn't be that big, like dogs in general shouldn't be that big. There aren't any wolves that big, which is a different story, but there aren't any other dogs that big mostly. and they seem to have like those sudden deaths sometimes with with with their heart stress and stuff and it's got to be a product of again like most pure breeds are going to have some sort of genetic flaws but the genetic flaws weigh on them more heavily because of their size perhaps and their large hearts and and stuff because i don't know i've never heard of a pomeranian just dropping dead or even like you know a german shepherd usually don't just drop dead but i've heard multiple people who had like great danes or uh wolfhounds that didn't make it to their fourth birthday or whatever and it's like fuck that sucks so maybe the $3,000 is well spent

I don't know my dog was $800 that's not too bad I don't know I find myself shopping for dogs and a few minutes later it's like man this isn't good for me I don't like this I'm not ready oh you're not ready okay that's a different story

yeah yeah I was like I really like Enderman our last dog was dying and we were already shopping It's like I'm replacing you Jackie's showing me pictures of dogs and I'm like What I really want is another run with the last one

That's what I want Cloning You can't have it But You could No not really It wouldn't be the same brain The same memories

You clone the dog And then you raise it the same way How would it not be the same dog He would have to have a lot in common Like all of his genetics Yeah but a lot of the things what he is thinking back and enjoying are the memories and the time spent not like the genetic identity of the dog i liked how affectionate he was he hugs i've never had a dog that

hugged before um and he just he just really like every time he saw me he i was his freaking ear scritch slut he'd just be like right here buddy right here i'm like i got you i got you and um i don't know i'm just not ready to start over yet jacky is she's moved on And are you kind of looking at those dogs and you're like, traitor? Have you forgotten so quickly the legend that was Enderman? Yeah, it's important to take time in between them sometimes. I wanted my grandparents to get a new dog after their most recent, or their, yeah, their most recent dog, Roger died like maybe two years ago now. And they were like, you know, they're country people.

And so they never, ever had an indoor dog. They were all outdoor dogs running around farms and stuff. And it was like sad talking to my grandpa a couple years ago being like, so when are you going to get the next one? Like when are you getting a dog again? He's like, I think that was, I think that was the last one. Like I don't, I think that's it. And it's like, oh, man. We were doing some mad.

It's been a good like 28 years in a row of us having a dog until now. So we usually, you know, we by having to have them overlap, but not that. this company will clone your pup for 50 grand he's dead what are they going to do take his pall print they could go get did you incinerate him they do this c s i creamate him rather if you had a loved dog bruce who died would you just try to find another similar dog or would any part of you ever be like you know i have this i cut his ear off right at the end and i have right before the end the last week i cut a zero you take it into the clinic you get a new dog or do you do you I would clone him.

I would clone him. But also, he wouldn't be the same dog, right? But I would totally clone him. He will be the same dog, though, because like, like, you hear those stories about separated twins, which are essentially clones. They're genetically identical. And one will go to a medium income family, one to a lower income family, and they'll end up with like wives with the same names, both being accountants, both driving like a Ford

escort, like, like, like genuinely, this has happened multiple times where the path is, isn't is open to us as we might imagine it is. So I think it's the same with the dog. So you take a cloned dog put it in the exact same environment, which is Woody's household, and then treat him the same. Call him the same name. I, you're like, oh, that other dog.

Yeah, yeah. Enderman Jr. Yeah, call him number two. Like, add a numeral onto it, just like the Simpsons, Ender 2. And they're $50,000, though. That's the real holdup. Also, he doesn't have me genetic material. Although maybe you could, like, do a little

CSI, go look for some hairs or something. I don't know how this worked. What if you accidentally clean? Dude, I'll check the steps. We still got tons of that shit left over. Probably shit everywhere out in the yard. Like, you can make a slew us of vendors. So we do this thing in my house where we all take turns naming the dog. And

I want a boy dog. I'm fond of boy dogs. I think they're the superior sex. But Jackie wants a girl dog. We'll see how it works out. But I was like, Bark Vader is a solid name. Indiana bones is a winning

These are like my leading candidates These are long names They're way too long for dogs You know like later or you know Just Jones or indie Yeah like like you can shorten them And I was like I don't want a girl dog

And Jackie's like We could name it Jonah Bark And I'm like Hey you're kind of winning You got to win a You got it You got it Barke

Joan of Bark I like that That would be pretty fucking good. I think girl dogs are superior because they don't get into the territorial marking. They don't want to hump. When you get them fixed, though, they do seem to turn into fat cows immediately. Every girl dog I've ever gotten fixed gained like a significant amount of weight proportionally and became lazier. But Toby, he's been fixed and he doesn't seem to have changed at all.

He's still like aggressive and mean to strangers. Like he's still like scary as fuck when someone rings the doorbell. Um, he just doesn't want to, like, I don't know, fuck the couch anymore. We, we fixed our girl dog, uh, and she got fat right away, but we stopped feeding her as much. That was the solution was just to give her less food. She lost weight. She looks great. Yeah.

Yeah. My dog's been on diet food for two years. Like, like, like, just feed her less. She sneaks food. And because she's only 60 pounds, like one like cheat meal seems to really add up. Sometimes she's, I left the whole stick of butter on the counter because I was letting it get soft and I was going to put it on some bread or something. She ate a whole stick of butter.

I came back to the room and she's just licking her lips. Like she's so content. And now whenever she smells butter, she's like remembers back to that day when she got out. She's losing her mind. Like you cannot have butter. No. Where did you leave the butter? You're like, all right.

She's on the counter. She gets up on the counter and like, hang it over the edge. What kind of dog is she? It's like a shepherd mix. She's like gray and spotted, but has like a German shepherd style head. And she's like, like I said, like 55 pounds, I think like that. 65 maybe. She should be 45.

She's just a chunker. Nothing's safe in my house. And in that regard, like you put a plate on the kitchen counter and they don't even have to leave their four feet to lick the plate off the kitchen counter. They just go right at it like a horse. But, you know, it's pre-wash. Yeah, I don't mind the dogs. I remember when I was like 13, I went to a friend's house. My parents came with me.

We were like, everybody was meeting each other or whatever. My parents were meeting my friend's parents. And they had a chocolate lab. And I remember they took their bowl. They'd eaten something. And they put it on the floor and let the dog clean the bowl. And we weren't dog people like that. We were, we had an outside dog.

And so I was just like, ew. Now as an adult, I'm just like, oh, you want some? Here, have it off my fork. Ah, that's it. I just couldn't give a shit less I love them so much I think of them like family members I really do

They're the best They're the best What do you ever Had to put down a dog I feel like you have Right? Yeah we were talking about Before you join

I put down my dog Okay Was it three weeks ago maybe Is that sound really Yeah Did you do Did you do Number one I'm very sorry

Number two Did you do the cheap meal thing Where you like You give them the last meal Did you give them like Hamburgers and chocolate And all sorts of crazy shit No not like that

In both cases We put down two dogs this year both great days they're about yeah anyway um in both cases the morning we put them down they lost their ability to walk and that was like the last time i was on pka just a few months ago we were talking about this too so this is i'm sorry both times the other side of this yeah i was to keep bringing everyone down but uh but yeah he he he went outside and he was like he always was an elderly dog but fine and then about a hundred feet from the house he just couldn't walk anymore and like army crawled back to the house

and never walked again. So we had the vet come to us and put them down and take them away. We used to give them burgers. I'll get them like cheese burgers from from Wendy's with nothing on them and just get them like a triple baconator. But I already feed my dogs like that.

It's the thing. They eat kibble, but they all have had cheese burgers. That's why she's fat. We don't do that to her. She gets like a little. It's a mystery out of that. look a little white here in there.

You should get like dog goes like and the next time you send a picture it'll have like that buckel fat face. I really hate is it Buckel? Is that how you found? I thought it was Kyle's dogs. Buckel?

I've been saying Buckel fat, but is it Bucal fat? I thought it was Bucal fat. We all know what we're talking about those like. But Jenna Ortega got that. Yeah. Jenna Ortega got that.

And it's such a downgrade that it's like, and I hate to say this, but I hope it hurts her career. And because, because I hope other people see that who are in her position in the future and are like, oh, don't do that.

Remember what happened to Jen Ortega? She was Wednesday and now she's last week. Like nobody wants her in the show. Whatever bad friend or gay guy told her to do that should be thrown in jail. Yeah, she had like chubby cheeks, like chipmunk cheeks.

Like that's, both of those sound bad. bad. She had a really cute face before. She looks, and she was a totally normal. The makeup on the right is... The picture on the left isn't her best. She was really cuter than on the left. Yeah, sure. And Wednesday or something. Yeah, yeah. People are doing this so that they

don't have to put, like, makeup to highlight their cheeks? No, they're completely... Well, she's done both here, which is why she looks so outrageous on the right. She's also on a red carpet or a fashion event. But why are they doing this? I don't know. It looks bad. They like that aesthetic, or they think that, or someone, they

think that someone does because also Miley Cyrus got it too she looks bizarre oh yeah she looks great I mean she does look a little bit like a child but she's young there yeah also the woman from the boys I can't remember her in Aaron Moriarty oh my god what a she was mistake yeah like she and she's gone like pretty wild on the plastic surgery and it's one of those things where it's like I mean I guess if that's what they want to do fuck it whatever yeah go ahead but like can we can all be like why yeah like I don't know maybe they just maybe they're having psychological problems too. I don't know. Who knows?

Yeah. I just think it's bad to like watch their work now and encourage that, that self-abuse and set a bad example for other young girls. It would be like if there was an actress out there who was suddenly 85 pounds when she should be 125 or something and you're like, oh my God, you look like you're dying. Well, don't put her in the next Star Wars movie. That sends a bad message. Is it just bad cosmetic surgery? Like, like, always like, here's a pick of a, it's a dude. Zach, if you could show it as fast as again. But he has that same sort of like high cheekbone cutout thing. And he's super handsome.

Has he had plastic surgery? Is he just genetically attractive? I feel like that's just more of a male trait, isn't it? To have the, to have like the really pronounced chin and higher cheekbone? I don't know. I could be wrong. Would that surgery look better on guys than girls?

Like he looks over the top handsome. I don't think he's had that maybe he has another surgery or maybe that's like some filter on Instagram. This is a real. human being. It looks pretty. I'm just trying to demonstrate like if you wanted a perfect looking guy, you wouldn't go too far from this one, I guess. And is that what they're targeting with this bucle removal thing? Is it only looking at on guys? I don't know. That's what I said. It's some gay guy advisor who's like, you know what I like. Man. You should get this surgery. Yeah,

they shouldn't they shouldn't do that. What are they going to do later when they realize like, oh, fuck. It's like the opposite of, you know how some actors as they get older, they like, and Woody's brought this up before. They like almost tactically gain a pound and a half a year, two pounds a year, and it like smooths them out a little bit. It's like the opposite of that. This is going to intensify the wrinkles and the creases and everything eventually. And then you're going to, how are you going to fix that? More plastic surgery. More intervention.

And then you have actors who like can't even emote on TV. Have you seen those, especially like older women who. who have so much Botox in their forehead that they're supposed to look shocked but there are no wrinkles in their forehead there's no crow's feet there's no movement I forget which actress it was but I heard one that

like let herself reage she's like I did the Botox thing it made me a worse actor so now I'm just a better older actress than that's what's up good for her that's what I should do I know it's easy to talk about bad plastic surgery but just recently my wife was showing me really good plastic surgery

and generally the Kardashians and the Jenners are way ahead but I don't know if you've seen Chris Jenner's recent facelift but it's amazing it's like an amazing transform yeah it's like and everyone's like how did she do this so like their plastic surgeons are super innovative show a sec yeah I'm sure

Zach's trying to find it was there's yeah it worked out they fixed Chris Chris Jenner Chris Jenner KRI looks like one of her daughters now it's wild it is a wild transfer me just like completely different and like taking years off of her face i don't i don't even know how yeah there it oh so fixed her nose she had that which nose i suppose i'd call it oh which nose yeah it's an evil versus an evil person by the way like that's a very that's a very rounded nose on the lady pimped her daughters out for for

oh no no i'm not saying she's good or bad it's more of just like the the plastic surgery itself is like incredibly life-changing there at that point, right? It's not like I can't find flaws on the right. Like, I don't, somehow her cheeks seem unnatural, but it's an improvement, and that's what we're talking about. We're not comparing her to the target, comparing her to where she started. Yeah, that's probably also the only face she can make. Like, just walking around, looking like a stuffed animal, just a static face.

I think she looks better with longer hair. Yeah, well, every woman does. Yeah, I don't think, well, to pull off short hair I feel like you have to be a really pretty young woman or guy but an older woman with short hair it's never the move

conversely conversely I don't know many men that look great with long hair I don't know that I've ever seen a man with long hair that I've been like whoa there's like a couple like a Fabio or like you know like there's like Antonio Banderas maybe even yeah yeah I usually think they'd look better

with short hair like if they had the perfect cut, it'd be an upgrade from there. You know, like, some people are so fucking attractive to look good in a Viking hat and a wetsuit. That doesn't mean Viking hat and wetsuits are a good combo. And Brad Pitt had the shoulder-length hair in like Legends of the Fall and maybe in an interview with a vampire. I think that might have been, that might have been a good look for him, legit.

But not as good as him with short hair, right? Like a lion with a mane. I don't know. It was a good look. I really think Brad Pitt with short hair is like commanding. so i don't know it's like a guy like fabio having long hair is almost throwing it in your face where he's like i can have the haircut of a 13th century surf and still be better looking than you and it's like oh fuck that's true there's no hair that's safe remember when that bird hit him in

the face yeah yeah he was on a roller coaster i'll never forget it bird hit him in the face so hard i think the bird exploded but also he bled a lot and and they were worried it was going to disfigure Fabio and it was good. It's like a where's he from? Is it Italy or or sweet? I don't know. I'm not sure. Like they'd lost their national treasure to a seagull. Oh shit. You said when you said bird I pictured a minor bird. It was

a goose. Yeah. Dude, I hate geese so much, man. They're awful. They're the worst animals. I saw okay, a few years ago, I was watching Tiersoo and I saw a goose bully an elephant and I'm like that's just fucking ridiculous if that elephant knew what he was working with he'd just take care of the goose and then I saw a goose bully three lions or three

tigers for about five seconds and the tiger just pulls them in the goose is getting ripped his shreds and I was like perfect that's the outcome I was I saw that I saw that I was like that's what you get that's what you get it's a tiger and he's not a alone. It was a bunch of tigers. He was trying to bully. He got down to this little like intimidation goose stance or whatever and the lion just snatched his ass up. That was a good video. Yeah, I'm not a fan of the geese either. I've been bullied by swans at the park before as well. You just got to get out of their way. You know, like, nope. Because if you were to like turn on the swan, I don't know, 29. What are you going to do?

Oh yeah, you be the big man who beats the swan to death in front of the park. Yeah, what are you going to do? snap his neck yeah i swear to god that's on the way changing i walk through a park with a lake in it a pond wishing a motherfucker would i sit that like i see other people like keep in their distance from the goose i'm like come my way i hate geese so much i i'm like batman's parents walking down crime alley with a tuxedo and jewels just like bring it bring it but i'm not bread crumbs in every pocket it's better to avoid them by like a large radius in my experience

not for any other reason than there's a 35 foot just shit circle surrounding all of them and it's that it's not even like that somewhat less offensive white bird shit it's like green and goopy and it's like dog shit everywhere

and you can't even walk I remember there's a path around like a pond at a place I used to work and like sometimes people go out there and like walk around the path at lunch And it's like, I did that maybe once during goose season. And it was like, I think I've stepped on this path three times. I've been walking through grass, trying not to step on shit. Terrible animals.

Canada should be kind of held responsible for it. Let me ask you this. Because if I, I've already thought about it. I've thought about this a lot, actually having a three-year-old now. If an animal attacks my three-year-old, I'm going to kill it. It doesn't matter what it is. If it's a goose or a swan or dog or whatever, I'm going to kill it. If, if a, but if a goose attacks you, let's,

say it hurts you. Are you allowed to kill it? Or do you go to jail for killing the goose? I don't know. No jury would convict you for killing a goose. I was walking. I did nothing. He came at me. You know, that's the find out

stage. The witness for the prosecution is going to skewer you on the stand. First of all, like, first of all, we've been referring to it as a goose. His name was Charlie. Okay. He's been living in that bush

And just so we're all clear And then they cut Go to slide three This is Charlie's family This is Henrietta This is his clutch of eggs He was protecting them for Mr. Woody here Who actually stomped upon several of the eggs

Because he wasn't watching where he went Charlie was a minute and brood Shouldn't have worn my yelky shoes You look What he looks over and there's one goose on the jury I got burned again How did my lawyer let the goose on the fucking It really is true

I walk through parks like Mr. Big Man Hopalgoose will I hate you so much I'm looking for trouble I feel like nobody's going to get you Actually it's probably one of those things Where it depends on the state I bet if you're in you know Georgia And you kill a goose totally fine

Maybe California has like or Washington. Washington protects I live in California and you're probably right like you're probably right Taylor like it sucks because I mean what

I'm just walking through a park or something on the path and then I get a fucking I get attacked it's not my fault that the eggs are close or whatever but he's like who knows

he could be doing serious damage to my arms and face or whatever I got to snap his neck I don't have a choice the problem with it is like it's going to be hard to show damage from the goose

like I feel like it's goose teeth those like little weird bird nubs they're not going to be to draw much blood like you're it's gonna it's gonna be grosser than it is threatening because if like a big goose gets in my face I'm gonna be thinking like oh these things carry disgusting germs and diseases and it's it might bring the Canada plague or whatever they have up there like I could get sick I just wanted to get away from me and if I killed it I couldn't like I'd have to like go that

day to the court and like take pictures because if it was two days later I'd be like well it was pretty gnarly it's entirely healed there's no I looked it up not the truth you didn't Apparently, these birds are protected by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, and you can't kill them. Unless. Okay. One is if they're attacking a child, you're allowed to protect the child. The other is if you can prove that you were going to suffer significant harm from this goose, which I don't see how that would happen. Listen, my feelings were shattered.

But I don't know. I just hope no one's looking. Yeah. That would be my number one concern. Like if I got in a physical altercation with a goose and no one sees, I'm taking it to the grave because I know that at some point and that altercation I go like and I like get a little startled. Somebody's going to catch that on camera.

I'm retelling the story on this show in detail and I'm just going to throw in in Minecraft every so often for diniability. I would lie I'd be like So there I was Staring down the whole flock Not only was the Taylor lying About the number of geese

It was a duck Ducks are great No I wouldn't I wouldn't jump straight to killing by the way I would kick it a few times to see if it left Like that's what I would do is I try to get it out of here Like I'd kick it to see how far it would go Yeah I'm with you

Well hold on I didn't say that. But I've been like, you would think that if you'd kick an animal, it would stop, right? Yeah, not pit bulls. Not, well, no, pit bulls don't stop. That's true. Yeah. But goose, geese, I don't know. Pit bulls, geese, and what's the

animal that just doesn't give a shit? I'm losing its name. Oh, honey badger. Yeah. I don't think those live anywhere around people, do they? Aren't they in Africa? I thought they were in America somewhere, like in a desert region. So the Wolverines I think live in Canada.

And in the northern territories, perhaps. Cheaters. Probably Michigan, too. It's awfully north. But I think the honey badger is an African animal because often see it contending with cobras and lions. Oh. Well, I bet it's not winning many against the lions. It does.

If it does, it's out of sheer disinterest from the lion. Like it gets all up in their face and snaps at them and bites them. No, that's like me trying to coax the rock into punching me in public so that I can make money. You could probably take the Rock these days. The Rock. Off the Roy? He lost a lot of weight. He claims it's for a role,

but I claim it's because his heart was about to explode. Yeah, he's playing a guy not dying of steroids. That's what he has to do. No, he's lost a significant amount. He looks like a normal human being now. He's probably, I think he's probably off cycle. He's got to be off cycle because he's been on steroids for what, 10 years at least? His entire life.

Yeah, probably his entire last year. 30 years, at least the last. So when he was his early WWE, stuff, he looks pretty skinny and not like super, like a Superman, but once his career popped off in that, he got bigger and bigger every year. And then occasionally there'd be a year where he just got bonkers big for a role for a Fast and the Furious or a Hercules when he played Hercules that time. And he's just clearly not healthy. You can't do that to yourself. He's in his 50s, right? I don't know. Probably. Yeah, it's got to be. People who do a lot. People who do a lot

of steroids, it seems like they get to mid-50s and then they age rapidly in the face and everywhere. And I don't know if that's like because of the steroids or if it's because of the reverse of what we were saying earlier where like getting fat, you know, forces the skin out, forces the wrinkles out, and then you lose all that muscle and now like wrinkles that never showed up on film. I think you lose collagen and your skin gets thinner from the from the testosterone and from certain steroids. I think I've read that before. I was reading recently, sort of the rapid aging in man happens at 40 and 60. Yeah, I read that too.

Woody. Oh, yeah. It was like 44 or something. Yeah, like 43 or 44. When a man turns 44 it's like all of a sudden it's like this like fall off and then there's like another fall off at 62 where again like you got you know between 40 and 60 you'll look the same and then at 62's like bang.

Get old again. That sucks. So it's not even gradual. You just wake up and it's like a bad, like a not funny version of Freaky Friday. That's why the hormone support, Taylor, before you get anywhere near that age. It's when you've got to get on the roids. You've got to get big.

They get powerful. You've got to get super physiological. You've got to get enormous. You could be a modern-day Hercules. Always keep this in mind, Taylor. A modern day you on testosterone would be the most powerful man in the ancient world. We hear about these ancient heroes of lore in the Bible, in medieval times, all that. You would have been stronger, bigger, and more powerful than anyone in history.

You could achieve that. David Stone would have ricocheted harmlessly, and I would have left Billisthine's victory. David wouldn't have fucked with you. David wouldn't have fucked with you. He'd seen your delts, and he'd have ran. There's no way an accountant with a sling is going to take down you pumped up on, I don't know, a few hundred milligrams of testosterone. I'm picturing it now. I'm laying on my deathbed.

I'm 59. I'm like, at least I was huge. your bed's a triple wide bed and it's supported by concrete blocks because you can't break in normal beds with your normality the last thing I leave to my family is having to finance a casket

who said that it was one of those like fitness guys he was like let me die at 50 and bury me in a double wide casket he's in what's probably a full size to Dan, but he's like, haven't hunched down. Just, you know. He's like that son has a meme where he's, the giant man stands up out of the car.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's something funny about my appearance. Look, everyone, this boy. I'm watching him around. Sorry. I, no, no, I feel like I read something just recently where they're doing a sports league where it's all steroids.

Is that correct? Olympics. I feel like I've heard this for years. There's some billionaire behind it or something. I heard about, maybe there was in a, swimmer who and some other people but but yeah i would watch that for sure they're going to break every single record they're going to break every single record i don't know that not every single rest on the idea that the other olympics doesn't have steroids they do but but so they're metered

they're hampered by having to hide it yeah yeah when you i listened to the guy who came up with the the the clear and the cream for barry bonds back in the early 90s talk about how he i think he helped Flojo and some other Olympic runners like went all their medals back in the early 90s and he was explaining that they would give them compounds on the day or the day before the race

that would be out of their system really quickly but if the guardrails are off you can be on everything any compound you don't need some boutique special made compound that was handcrafted just for you to beat that test they can just put the syringe in your ass and go you'll be big

and mighty. Yep. The limits are, I don't know what the limits are because not many people who are that athletic do that crazy shit. I guess you could look at Mr.

Universe, like some of those bodybuilding things and you can see how big people can get. Ronnie Coleman got the size of a fucking piece of livestock or something. Was he bigger than

aren't big guys? I would just assume that we're still pushing the boundaries in that like every other sport. I'll have to Google that because when I see, it's all on a TV.

screen so it's relative it's hard to tell but but ronnie coleman to me looks like the biggest human being i've ever seen in my life in his prime he didn't think he was yeah i think he was the biggest i want to say people have said he's the biggest ever that's ever been that's ever done it but uh and but i wouldy i would agree with you i thought for sure that mr universe would just keep leveling up the steroids and being like well this dude does two times the steroids that they did in the 1980s or something i don't know yeah well i've seen like the the subculture online of people who do the hardcore like trend balone ones and it was these two guys who were just huge beyond met they were doing like hg h and trend balone like their heads were

their hands like all this stuff that happened like they get that bubble gut like all that stuff but they were enormous and i was like man how much longer do these guys have to live they're like probably only 40 and they look like this and then like during the little clip it interviewed them and they're both like 23. Like 23 years old and they have like the face of someone in their 40s. The body's huge and like like shockingly big. So this is Greg Kovacs. Apparently he's the biggest bodybuilder ever.

He walked around 400 pounds and he would he would cut. He was 400 pounds and he would cut to 330. Oh, geez. Oh my God. You know, the guy on the left is no slouch. Yeah. Yeah, he is kind of doing the camera thing. Like, the guy on the right scene is much closer to the camera than the guy on the left.

Apparently, all the bodybuilders know how to look bigger in a picture. Oh. Like, he's in the foreground pretty much. The next image I sent there is him lifting some light, doing some light work. You know, no big deal. It might not be too different because Kovacs is a... Kovacs is 64 and Cutler is 5-9. So that, you know, there's a big size difference.

Cutler's 5-9? that's what the internet says I don't know what's weird about what's weird about this too is that I don't think that this man the largest man in the world is the strongest like the didn't wasn't the mountain recently didn't he just beat the deadlift

like like 1,100 pounds or something it was like something crazy that he did in his home or whatever yeah when you start getting to those deadlift world records they start doing like prices right shit where like 1,000 and three pounds is the world record and so a guy will do like

1,0003.6 There's often a lot of contention about those records because when you're lifting that heavy, the precision of each weight's plate adds up. If you're benching 300 pounds and each plate is off by

an ounce or three ounces even, that's still not a lot of weight because there's only six or seven plates or six or eight plates. But when he's got like 25 fucking plates if each one's off by an ounce, we could lose pounds here in the record so they have to use everything has to be calibrated and it needs to

be done in front of the right people I think there was some contention about that whether the mountain was going to have the record or who's the guy who did it and blood was shooting out of his nose Eddie Hall yeah maybe Eddie Hall yeah I also maybe was Eddie Hall when he did his deadlift he didn't have any shin wraps on

so he just grinds the fucking skin off the front of his shins on the lift up you see the skin like coming off and the blood start coming out and it's just like bro it's not that big of a deal. Let's put some shin wraps on. Like, what's going on here?

Or get a bar that's not knurled in the middle. What are you picking up? I hate seeing this kind of injuries. I don't like getting road rash. Yeah, it's avoidable, too. I saw the one guy's like pimples start exploding and bleeding all over him. What?

Yeah. Like his blood pressure is so high when he's doing the lip, his pimples are bursting and bleeding. And he's got more pimples than the average person because the steroids. Steroids, yeah, I was the same. You can lift so hard, you clear your skin. Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't say clear. Your skin explodes, though. Damn. Why would... Oh, never mind. I was going to say, like, when you're exercising intensely, your blood pressure goes down because it's moving faster through your body. But for something like that where you're just deadlifting,

you're probably not engaging enough aerobically for that to happen, right? I think he's straight. And you're like holding your breath and... yeah you're straining you're straight like turn all red you know when they do it and like kyle said their blood shot out of his nose because that's what happened like it's and i think it's just like a one live obviously they warm up but it's like a one lift thing they're not like sitting there doing you know aerobic exercises before probably warming up a little but not not really and then they're then it's just the the greatest strain a human body has ever done

yeah because i would imagine there's probably nobody else in in history that has lifted as much as that guy has. No, no. I think they did a show like that with a bunch of those guys where, I don't remember where it was. It was an internet show or like the History Channel, Discovery Channel.

I think it was called Ah, Real Monsters. They had all the famous bodybuilders and every episode they would do a different historical lift. And some of them were kind of like fables or mythical lifts. Like there was some maybe Civil War

or Revolutionary Soldier who had picked up the cannon barrel onto his shoulder and carried it up a hill to reposition the cannon so it could be refired and they like do the math they're like well a cannon of that day would have weighed 425 pounds so we got a cannon here and then they would like try to throw a cannon on their shoulders and lift it go up go up the hill they did a bunch of those they have like a reenactor guy there to like give them a history lesson on the canon as well and it literally looks like like Frodo's dwarf double in a scene with Gandalf like explaining the revolutionary war to these just behemoths. And I remember

Brian Shaw, the biggest guy of the bunch there, like would be over like too respectful of like the historic lore sometimes where he'd be like, you know, it's a pretty well established stories and, you know, Lord, this guy picked up this 500 pound cannon and carried it

800 yards to the next hill. And you know, I wasn't able to do it. This eight time world's strongest man. But, you know, there's no way to know, you know, it's totally possible and it's like Brian like you don't have

humble like you're you're shorter because of how much you're depressing the ground right it's crazy yeah I certainly believe that the people of our era are the biggest strongest fastest that have ever lived there wasn't some Greek runner who was just magical and could run faster

or further than we can run today we're just we're just better sports science is better the medicine is better their upbringing is better the genetics is better everything everything everything imaginable and the population is larger so you're drawing from this much huger pool of people and and there's money involved the the guy the athletes of olden times the people who would do these feats they were strong because they worked all day at some laborious task it wasn't always just genetics all that had to play into it so like this was a miller

or like a farm hand like he probably had nagging injuries and stuff he wasn't getting fucking magical cells injected into his joints twice a year while being supervised by doctors and scientist. And any of the people who did have those feats were like freaks of the time, like some weird genet. Like we all know that guy in like Wisconsin who has like the biggest arms and hands in global history. Oh, I thought you meant the guy with the finger that looks like a dick. Wait, is that not the, I'm talking about the arm wrestling guy, right? We're talking about the arm wrestling guy. There's a different guy who just has the gigantism in like one finger. Oh, no. And his finger looks like the mediest cock you've ever.

sing. It's circumcised in everything. It's not just a big finger. Like, there's a head on it. Is this a joke? It's a hog, Taylor. I mean, I got to see the picture. I want to see the picture. You know, I'll believe it when I see it.

Yeah, I want to see it. That's giant penis, finger. Yeah, that'll find it. Actually, I bet it does. It'll be in Kyle's search history, not mine. Oh, don't image search that. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's exactly right. Guy with big finger deformity.

Big cock, daddy, black dude, finger gently. They're not the search results I was looking for. Are you, are not the set results you're looking for? I see a lot of deformed hands. Yeah, macrodactyl. The one I saw was on Reddit. So I think Kyle and I might have seen the same picture. did you hallucinate this because I saw the I saw the giant guy with the two arms

found it did you all right well unless this is fake having an overgrown middle finger can be a blessing ooh the nails disgusting though this might be a different guy with a freak hand I it's on Facebook hang on I'm trying to call it Kyle getting tricked by Facebook boomer AI slop right now it is funny how like 15 20 years Kyle's copy pay skills have not improved a lot I haven't picked a target yet there's nothing to do with

Control V he's like ah it's on Facebook can't be done You know you should put the You should put the macro of control C Control C control V on your stream deck You can just But it's I really love it at this point

I'm not signed to Facebook I'll shoot me the link Minute and a half goes by God it figured it out Not true I'm doing almost just fast with just my mouse hand. I don't need to do Control C, Control V, or whatever. It's not necessary.

Are you a right-click copy link guy? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Weirdly, I'll go between the two. Sometimes I'll right-click and copy-pace, and other times I've got my left hand ready to go for Control C, Control V. Sure, I mean, there are times when we all browse with one hand. Sure, sure.

That's what that's meant for. And only that. I mostly use the keyboard. Okay, so was this a specific guy that, like, TLC did a predatory series on that you're remembering? Is it like, okay. You haven't found it yet, huh? Not found out of being the sooner? I'm really struggling to find it.

I found one, but it doesn't look like the same guy, and it might not be real, the picture that I found. So I don't want to share that one. I found one that clearly looked real, though. You guys might have seen AI. You guys might have seen that some. Who knows? The odds of me being fooled by AI, I mean, almost. 100%.

A lot of pictures from India of people with this. I don't think that's real. Did you guys see Obama get arrested? That was terrible. Not again. Not again. Trump's tweet. Is this what you were? This one's terrible. That's definitely not a penis though. It's just a giant finger.

Yeah, it's not, it's definitely not the same one. You're not putting that nail in me. Good God. Looks like a thick nail. Yeah, I'm going to, it looks. I'm definitely. going to end up scritched by that. You get to put a condom on your finger, bro. This sucks. And then you see the guy on the

news in fucking Wisconsin who got it everywhere in his arms and hands and everyone's like, that's pretty sick. You see that guy's fucking ring. It goes around a Coke can or something. He's the arm wrestling champion of the world. That guy. He's like, and he has gigantism and he's like, yeah, well, I'm just really good at arm wrestling,

obviously, because his arms are massive. They're huge. Was he the world's best at one point? He was winning a bunch of tournaments. I think he's currently the champion. Yeah, because no one I think. Oh, I thought it was that. Is it large?

I forget the guy's name. There's a dude I thought was champion. I could be wrong. I thought I just read this a few weeks ago, but. Yeah, bring up the image, Zach. His name is Jeff Dave. And he's the guy. Well, I just, I googled Big Arm guy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and actually it brought up a different. professional wrestler who only has it in one arm which is not as not as great now you're symmetrical you're probably bad at sports because you can't yeah there he is that's the guy he looks like pop-i yeah he does look like papa and he doesn't like he's a farmer and like i watched a video where it's like so what's your training and he's like i i farm he's like so do you do like uh any sort of like exercise he's like yeah sometimes i stick my giant fucking paw in this this like obviously not a Home Depot Homer's bucket of rice,

but a 55 gallon drum of rice and then just move it around for half an hour or whatever. That's what he does. Yeah, that's that's crazy. He doesn't look that much bigger than Juju. Of course, Juju's not small. Yeah, he's a huge guy too. But like the hand difference there is crazy. Yeah, but not as crazy as it would be had it been my hand.

Yeah. Look at that paper roll What happened to his finger? It's also broken and weird Oh yeah I see Could have just grown like that Clearly it's like

It grew in weird You know Yeah I wouldn't want that That's rough Trying to I saw a clip of him trying to use a phone And it was like akin to bullying It was like

It's like wow The last man on earth He uses a stylus And it's not a stylus it's like a whittled down baseball bat. It's an entire chopstick. Yeah. I'm glad I'm not a freak of nature like this.

I wouldn't want this. You wouldn't want this, right? No, it seems like it would get in the way more than it would be useful. Look at that bottle. Yeah. Like that would be a pain in the ass. You're totally right. Because even if you cash in and you're the whatever arm wrestling champion,

who's like, who gives a shit? Like, so what? You made, you know, 50 grand a year or something, arm wrestling? It's not even one of those things where he could like hustle somebody. He couldn't be like, he couldn't hustle somebody at arm wrestling at a bar. They'd be like, what fuck is wrong with you? No, Popeye. Of course you can be.

That's his ring. That's his ring. That's his ring. That's his ring. Oh, is his ring and someone else's hand. It's his ring and his wife's hand. I see. Yeah.

Yeah, you couldn't hustle at all. You'd be like you want to, you know, first of all, you'd walk in and be like, anyone want to bet a hundred thousand dollars? And then they'd be like, no, I just saw you tear the door off its hinges on the way in here. So I will not be engaging in this challenge of you. Yeah. That would be, this would be cool for like a day to be like, man, what other things around my kitchen can I just crush? And then after that, you'd like, be like, all right, time to chill.

Play on my phone. Play a video game. And like you just, you can't, you can't do WASD unless you have like a big, like foam children's learn to type keyboard like that's what you'd be gaming on because your fingers wouldn't fit yeah not dance dance revolution pad or something that you couldn't use a controller you like an Xbox controller no way yeah I think that's made for people it's the same argument against being seven feet tall like suddenly the world doesn't fit you yeah it wouldn't be worth it imagine if he was a PlayStation guy those aren't an appropriate size for

a normal man's hands. He couldn't, he'd still be on Xbox original with that giant Gen 1 meaty controller. You remember that? I don't know, I've never understood how PlayStation gets away with that and how people don't always complain about it because they, you know, we had the console wars, we probably still do to some extent. And it's always been so obvious that the Xbox controller is just superior and everywhere. Like maybe yours has some sort of like tilt capability where like tilting it, but I think

Xbox has that now, too. The tech is the same everywhere. Yours is just itty-bitty for little Japans. It's no good. It's no good. I remember it was weird because I thought the same thing about even the PS, like the PS2 controller, the three and the four, those were all terrible.

And I remember being like, these are bad controllers and no one else was, I was like, no, I'd play the games on PlayStation. It's fine. And I was always like, these are terrible compared to the Xbox controller. Even the giant one, the original Xbox controller was huge, but felt better in my hand. the PS I will say the PS5 controller is finally okay like it's like still it's coming up to where the Xbox controller is

it's better it's better but but it's better than the man it's better than PS 4 or 3 or 2 like those are all just terrible I need the I need the stack your joystick stop like halfway down my hand and it's like yeah sort of like holding it like this I want to feel like I'm on a motorcycle or something it's going all the way across my palm thumbs go when you hold a controller right so you have your buttons here and you have your stick here and this is where they rest and then yeah this is like the occasional

stick you can do this but this is the comfortable position to make it so your fingers go like this the whole time like place it's wrong no this is where your hands belong well Taylor said it like the staggered joysticks that's that's what makes the Xbox controller that with the play all the PlayStation controllers

those two joysticks in the dead center I hate it I would have come up with symmetrical too but I would have been wrong just like Sony was Now, I like the aftermarket ones now. It used to be back in the day when we were young, if you got some Mad Cat's controller or something, that's the little brother, the guest controller, right?

This baby is mine. Now, I think Microsoft makes the mid-tier controllers and the good ones of the third party. How much does that control cost, though? $80. What? That's not any more than a regular one. A regular one is like 60, right?

I have one that's $2.50. but I don't like it as much. Well, this is, yeah, when you're talking about the elite controller, this, this is like, these are like $200 and they're good, but like,

I don't know, I'm not a pro gamer, so I don't necessarily see the huge difference between the elite controllers and the regular Xbox controllers. Because the regular Xbox ones are what, like you said, 80, 60, something like that. And then these elites are like 200,

250, 220, whatever it is. What's the selling point? They look the same to me. They're, so they're heavier. There's like,

there are paddle holes. on the back here you can put a bunch of paddles in you can have extra buttons if you wanted to do that there's like there's like specific uh I guess there's just specific ways that you can press these buttons you can like press them further in and there's like there's more variability than on a normal Xbox control those things are a really big deal to me these buttons on the back are what I use to dodge in Souls games there you go you dodge like during a fight 15 times a minute like it's use them a lot. And so it's super important to me that I have like an ergonomic and I can just get it really

easily. These extra buttons here, I put macros on them because there are some things I need to do where it's like hold why hit left trigger, hold why hit right trigger. And these are things I do during the most critical moments in games. So I just put them on my macros and now I have one button I can just hit. Like I held my thumb here all the time, but it's there for these two. And that's a big deal to me. the thing he talked about with the throw

the throw is this far on mine I could change it there's a switch so it could be like it's right on switch it could be this far but I like it this far because what happens is I'm timing the parry of a shield where I like knock the guy's weapon away and either that parry

triggers somewhere during this giant travel and the timing is really precise or it's this little travel So you can see why the timing on that really short throw would be nice for me. I'm like, I wouldn't ever play with an ordinary controller anymore. I haven't even played a controller game other than Oblivion in a while. Picked up mouse and keyboard the other day. So here's the deal.

I have a friend. He's very, very good at shooters mechanically, but he's never played Tarkoff before. So I was going to be like his Sherpa teaching him how to play this new game. I'm doing a terrible job. We had like a 12% extraction rate. 50% is like fine, right? 12% is an embarrassment. And even with him being able to click, not on faces, on noses, like he's that guy.

We're not surviving. And it's all my fault. There were times when I'd like take him to the wrong extract because I didn't know the scab extracts that well. And I'm telling Kyle about this. And he's like, whof, 12% and Kyle offers to play with us. I'm like, this is good. This is good. I didn't realize that in the last like four years, how much I had forgotten the maps and stuff. I thought I knew it like the back of my hand. And was our extract rate zero percent, Kyle? We got out once. We definitely got out once. And you died. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that happened. I was killed by a friend.

Stanley scab. That was crazy. It went as poorly as it could have gone. The reason it's extra hard for us is because we're starting midwife and this is a hardcore wipe. They removed a lot of the the niceties that Tarkov once had apparently.

And our early missions are to go to the same map over and over. So we died like three times and are on the same map and your friend's like, what else could we do? And it's like, this is it. We just got to do this over and over. and over. We have to do. We got to go

to the grenade launcher. We've got to go to the machine gun and we've got to extract. Until that happens, we can't progress. Here's the thing Kyle doesn't know. So I led him and we got out successfully one time. With Kyle there, we kind of is a scabberone. We got out one time, but

mostly we died every run. And then, without any leadership at all, his extract rate surged to 75% without my helping him. Like, okay, we might have identified the problem. Being solo helps. Like, I will always do better solo

because when I'm playing solo, I'll go, I'm like, I don't know exactly where we are. I'm going to spend the next minute and a half laying in this corner figuring it out. But I feel like if I do that with y'all, I'm like, wait, no, me, I got to do this out quick. Let's go this way until we see something I recognize. And just bumping into people in that game.

And of course, we got level one gear. We don't have scopes. And everybody else does. If we had seen the gear sets and the people that were killing us, it would have made a lot more sense, I think. I think they had good gear and they were just shooting us in the face.

That one dead, I had just had a grenade out. I haven't played in eight months, so I'm super rusty too. I was going to say, I don't know about the matchmaking for you guys because you guys have been playing a long time. So I don't know if it's matchmaking

you guys into like harder lobbies, then it would be him. I don't think it's skill-based. Well, the matchmaking is not skill-based. lack of success, that's still basic. I can be better. I just need a little time to get the rust off. What's also just like when we get into gunfights, like we have to shoot them in the face. The forehead won't work. The back of the head won't work. The top of the head won't work. If they've got a helmet on, because we're level one. Our bullets won't penetrate anything.

There are bullets in the game that are armor piercing. And when you have that, you can kind of just spray center mass and get kills. Um, but that armor is more expensive and it's not starter gear. So we have to hit in the face or like even better than chess would be legs. At least that would slow them down and do some damage, but, uh, it's a slow kill and you just had a disadvantage. Tarkoff is famously and intentionally hard and cruel and here we are. Yeah. I'll play again anytime you all want to. I enjoyed myself.

I like the evil of Tarkov and how awful it is because when you do get a win, you're like, Ah, yeah! Yeah, we survived. He died ten times in a row. A win is big. I like that he's playing without me. Like, he likes the game. He's going to buy a higher,

a more expensive version of it, and he's sending me screenshots of the loot he just extracted with. And he had a day a documents folder. Ooh. The more I play these games, like what you, Kyle, what Kyle just described? Like, I actually,

Woody, you've been playing a lot of Eldon Ring, I think, too. And like, from some games. I have. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. that that relief of like finally getting out I have like I think I have 10 seconds of relief I'm like oh thank God I made it I never want to play this again that's like the first thing that I think to myself every time that I do it like I've I've finished off that challenge that I gave for myself

I don't want to fucking touch it for another six months I don't know what it is and people are always like don't you love that that sense of accomplishment and I'm like no it's a video game video games are designed to be beaten so like who gives the shit if you beat it or not everybody else has too they just took a long time and so to me it never feels like an accomplishment it just feels like i'm like i don't want to i'm done like i just just get it away the game right what are you playing now what are you playing like currently uh well i i was i played the battlefield six open beta and i loved battlefield i like a huge fan of battlefield and battlefield like i vibed with so for me winning or losing kind of doesn't matter like i was like sort of like

having fun because i knew i was executing on what i should execute on and Tarkov and actually even to a greater extent Eldon Ring feel random to me like Eldon Ring I can play for an hour I know the pattern of the boss and then I just got to wait for the boss to not do the overpowered attack over and over and over

and eventually once that happens it happens and I got it and Tarkov's the same way like I could matchmake into a lobby with some really fucking badass dudes who have the best gear in the game and then they will shoot me in the face and I die over and over like I would imagine you guys are probably not bad at Tarkov

but you probably got put in some really hard lobbies. It's a little bit of a boat. Yeah, eventually you'll get an easy lobby and then you won't have to worry about it anymore. Oh, it's definitely a little bit of both. Like right from the start, I was like, man, I'm feeling rusty here. I pulled the grenade out and I forgot how slowly are to pull the grenade out. And I can hear the guy coming around the corner to shoot me and I'm just like,

click. And I'm just like, he kind of looks at it a little. Act like this. And the guy comes around the corner and just kills me. Would he killed that guy, killed another guy, and then killed like a bunch of scabs, and he got, and then he died to a claymore that's just in a room to be a bitch-made claymore. In this game, there's a little, there's a little room off the beaten path with just a claymore in it that you can't see. What else is in it? There's a safe in there to lure you into the room.

There's like, like, you have to understand this is like a kid finding an unguarded Easter basket or something. And I'm like, oh, a safe, let's see if it's locked or not. And I think as I died, Kyle was like, Claymore. Is it like a Call a Duty Claymore where like if you notice it soon enough, you can jump back? No, no, it's like a real world Claymore that instantly explodes and send 700 ball bearings into your face. So you're not going to make it? I was troll by Nikita. Yeah, it's literally a troll Claymore because I've seen people as like a fun thing with their group.

Like they'll send the noob in. He'll die. And then they'll run in and loot the fucking safe. Like, oh, you died that time. It was my moment, too. Like, I couldn't, I had so much gear. My character couldn't run halfway across the street without stopping and catching his breath because he's heavy.

And he's like level one. I was going to leave with like party supplies for everyone. And it wasn't meant to be. Didn't go well. You got all the bad runs out of your system. It's all, that's like, yeah, right? This is what I mean is like, it feels rand. them. Like you guys were having a good match. Things were going well. And then you run into a

Claymore and then it's all over. Patience is the strongest virtue in Tarkov, I think. Like you could be the best clicking heads and you could have the best gear. But if you're not, and what I mean by patience is let's sit here for a minute. No, you're right. You're totally right. Let's make it seven minutes actually. And like, like if you just, if you were to literally lay down to the bush when you spawned in and wait 10 minutes, all of a sudden half the competition on the map is dead. You know? And like some people have already extracted and stuff like it depends what you're trying to do if you're trying to go in there and like frag out and have a good time and like you want to compete then you probably should have to factory or even arena but but moreover if you're if you're trying to do that

then you can have a fun you can have fun no matter what but if you're trying to go in there and do those tasks oh my god oh my god it's a nightmare to try to find the right wine bottle when everybody's outside the building trying to kill you the reason patience is so important is that information is so important. So if Kyle's patiently waiting in a semi-safe space and I'm thumping around with my elephant feet, I'm going to lose that gunfight when it's

time. I didn't know he was there. He knew exactly how, which direction I was coming from and where I was headed towards and I will lose. So that being stealthy is a big deal, having the information advantage. When you're chirping, it is difficult to like, hey, trust me, this game is great.

Step one, lay in the bushes. Sometimes I like to find a YouTube video before the round, before the raid starts to keep me entertained for the first seven minutes. That sounds awful. Well, it depends what you're trying to do. Again, if you're trying to go get into a gunfight, then just go get into a gunfight. But when your mission is literally, I've got a map on my other monitor,

and I'm like, all right, well, we're in the northeast, and we have to go to the southwest, a diagonal across the whole map crossing a major highway in view of, like, tons of high rises, and there are four teams between us and where we got to go. If we start... I mean, you're going to want to just start sprinting in that direction, but then you die every time when you do.

You've got to go slow and carefully. But we're level one. We don't have a good headset. We've got level two pack of vests on. If they shoot us with anything, we just instantly die. Starting midwife is like playing the game on extra hard, because it's already hard. I wear a pale blue UN helmet,

so my teammates know which one I am, you know, because I'm trying to guide them. And it doesn't help me with any of the stealth. I mostly broke myself from team killing, although I do usually play solo anyway. But there was that moment when you were already dead and I was hurt and your boy, like, looked at me. And I could tell, by the way his character looked at me that he thought I was an enemy. I was just like, oh, he is pretty good at clicking stuff. Did he kill you? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he, he was a top CSGO guy for a while. Yeah, my chest was blacked out, so he could have sneezed on me, but he hit me, hit me solid. Helldivers, on the other hand, it's just a blast. I wish you'd get into that with us. You've already got the stream deck. You could program that bad boy up, and just, I like, I drop into quick play and I role played with people, and nobody wants to talk to me ever. Nobody's got mics in that game. Like, like, it's hard to get people.

have fun with me and I'm like who's ready to spread democracy and and it's just crickets I'm like fuck I suck I would do it and I'm so interested in hell divers I'm watching videos on hell divers now not even like how to play I just enjoy the propaganda that like the leadership puts on you I like the whole vibe of the game but I just convinced my friend to buy a tarc off and we've been so excited about hard mode for night rain we talk about it every every day, my little friend group, and we're all jazzed about it. You can download mods and, like, play it in advance, but you can't level your character or anything.

And I've been doing this thing where I beat every boss, and then I switch characters, and I beat every boss again. I just have one more boss to beat on my current character, and then I'm going to do the hard mode mod to get six days of practice. When's that available? Wednesday night. Oh. Wednesday night at 9 p.m.

And, yeah. Kyle, if you want to play health? Divers, Kyle? I mean, I played 250 hours of the game. It's the best. I'm about the same. I think I got about 250 as well. I'm like a level 70, something like that. Yeah, I love it too. I'll add you on Discord. Please do. I have a blast at it. I really enjoy it. I like, I like the new content. It's pretty hard. It's a lot of CQB stuff down in tunnels now, which normally the way I play Hell Divers is sprint backwards, get a little distance between me and the, the Horde, like, mow them down and rinse and repeat, drop some airstrikes on them, but when you're underground, all of a sudden, you don't have

those airstrikes, you might retreat into a wall that's behind you or another horde behind you, and if you don't have teamwork, it's rough. And they added some new enemies. There's a, there's a dragon, essentially, like a dragon bug that breathes fire, and there's a, what do they call the giant worm, like the lord of the swarm or something? Yeah, the hive, hive, something? Hive lord, maybe. Hive lord, that's what it is. It's a worm that's so big, it's hard to explain how much bigger this enemy is than any other enemy in the game. It's like a skyscraper in front of you. It's a bit like the worm from Dune, but much scarier.

I heard it has explosives and shooting it in the map, but I haven't killed it. But it's really hard. You can't like, but people have done it. It took like 10 nukes, basically. It's 150, it's 15 nukes. It's 150,000 XP, or HP, and a nuke or a hell bomb does 10,000. Have you killed it yet? No, no.

No, okay. I just ignore it and do my tasks. This requires like all four of the players to focus and to have the right load out. And then 20 minutes. It takes 20 minutes of four of us coordinating and bringing the right gear with us to do this on purpose. You know, like bringing the right kind of stuff and doing things like team loading rocket launchers together. And it's, I haven't killed it. I've seen it killed on YouTube and it took about 20, 25 minutes.

that's really interesting because hell divers before i would have recommended hell divers for the fact that it's just like kyle said where you just like fuck around you can go on and like throw like airstrikes and just have fun and like blow shit up and and this update has turned it almost on its head where like now you actually have to coordinate and you have to actually bring in a specific load out to do specific things and hell divers wasn't like that before hell divers are just play against the computer and have fun uh and it's so it's totally different and much much harder um so i haven't really i haven't fully gotten into it yet. I played the new update a couple days ago, but I haven't done more of it. I need

to. Is the original casual mode, excuse me, casual mode still available? Well, it's not, there's a different mode. There's like different areas. The bug campaign has, so basically in lore, they have come up with a new plating for our spaceships so we can go deeper into enemy space

and we are in like the bug home worlds now, like far behind enemy lines and the bugs are bigger and batter here. They have more armor. There's another super annoying enemy type that burrows under the ground when it approaches you so you can't shoot

it automatically sort of gets a free I'm in your face kind of thing and he's armored so it's just like Tarkov where if you don't have the gun that shoots through the armor then you're basically defenseless and there's also some little guys that are spitting green acid at you continuously it's very overwhelming if you don't know

what you're doing and you haven't played the game it's like a the difficulty goes from 1 to 10 and this feels like 11 yeah that's right but what do you yes you could do casual if you wanted to you could just go to another planet and like be like yeah let's just fuck around have fun or you just drop the difficulty level down to like four or five you can do that it's it's oh yeah you can play wherever you want you set it between one to ten before the game and like one is boring there are so few enemies and ten you'll be surprised that a game can render so many enemies

does it do that thing where like the game makes fun of you for being a pussy where like level one has like an icon where it's like the like the J.D. Vance fat face and then level 10 is like I don't know one of the Bucle fat girls and it's just like

scarier and scarier because I didn't like I don't like that. Not really. They've got fun inventive names for each for each level but I don't think they do like the Doom does that with like damage on your character and with difficulty levels with the with the icon icons and the imagery. But yeah

There's a ton of people playing so it's it opened up to Xbox and you've got crossplay but again those people don't have fucking microphones and that's annoying to me because I want to roll play and have a good time Why don't Xbox people have microphones anymore or is it just that game? They don't have it. It's PC right It's Xbox PlayStation and PC

All platforms. Yeah, everybody's playing together. Except for Switch but maybe everyone on Xbox had mics at least like two thirds. Yeah it came with it on the 360 and so like every lobby was just if anything thing like do you remember how quickly you used to be able to mute one by one an entire lobby in cod four just because it was a cacophony of nonsense the entire time and so you just

mute everyone you're not actively playing with just like you you uh everybody who played cod like got the start up a like yeah like the rage quit everyone could do that in a You know, microsecond. The host has left the game. Oh, I quit out all the time. I remember at one point, like, checking my cod for, like, win rate. And it was, like, it was like 35% or something, like, probably even lower. Because if anything, I was the worst soldier.

We're down early, you know, 22 to 8 in this TDM. I go, I'm going next. Yeah, I'm getting out of here. because all I have to do is like check and I'm like oh this is hopeless Dragonov 649 just died has died 13 times what I think is happening is he's running off somewhere and getting shot in the head by some bastard who's trying to cheapen the richness that is Red Tiger Camo like he didn't earn Red Tiger the way I did

on this OP M16 man it was great how little balance there was in that game with guns. It was like, all right, what do you want to do? It's like, oh, well, I want to be like stealthy kind of. And it's like, all right, silenced MP5. And it's like, what do you want to do? Anything other than that, M16. It's like, when do I use the other guns? And it's like, well, I mean, it's that's just more of a boredom thing. Like, you just whenever you want, I guess, but there's like half of them. There's no, no point in ever using. More than a half. The Dragonov. The Dragonov was horrific. The Mac 10, or I guess it was it Mac 10 or Mac 10 or Mac 11 in that game? We had the Cod 4.

Cod 4. Or no, it was the Scorpion. It was called Scorpion. You had the Scorpion. You had the MP5. You had the AK74U. They all had niches, but they weren't pronounced enough. Like, they had the idea for niches.

The AK74U is a submachine, but it had assault rifle penetration. That would be nice if you made more things penetrable in your game, but they kind of weren't. The Dragonoff, when you wore juggernaut, you could kill people with an upper chest or a headshot. they couldn't do the same to you. They all had to headshot you. It was an advantage that you had over them because you had that knowledge going into the fight that they didn't have.

There was lots of little niche things like that. But in the end, MP5, P90, M16, maybe the AK if you're styling on people, and that was it. The ultimate styling on thing, I remember spending forever to get the gold Uzi. And the gold Uzi with the silencer

was maybe the coolest looking gun in the game, but it had an effective range and accuracy similar to like that. pump shotgun to where you it was just almost unusable the only cool thing was like yeah this guy's gonna this guy's gonna watch the kill cam maybe and realize that i'm a total loser that that got 150 headshots with the scorpion and the uh mini uzi yeah that's how it's game really quickly when they have that super dependent uh meta um to bring hail divers into it again like there's so many weapons and so many ways to get each job done

whether that job is taking down heavies or taking out big swarms or something in between there's a weapon that sort of straddles those lines and then there's a copy of that weapon and a different version and a laser version, a plasma version, a poison gas version, a flame version.

There's just a ton of weapons in that game. They make you pay for them, but you can earn the money in game. So I like that a lot. They sort of sell weapon packs that are themed. So there's one that's all explosives, one that's all electric, one that's all fire. But if you, you can farm up the credits

that you buy them with in game in, you know, a day of grinding or something, or you just give 10 more dollars. Yeah, it's like 10 bucks, which, and the game itself is 40 retail. You can find it for 30-ish now. That's like totally worth it. I don't know. To me, Hell Divers is such a good deal versus a $70 video game, especially like a cod. A cod. It's a really good example of that. And I just love team-based horrid shooters. Team-based horrid shooters are my jam for sure. Like, I really like Dark Tide, but they don't have a scoreboard in that game. And I can't.

They don't, yeah. I love after a Helldivers match, clicking stats and seeing that I led and kills and I led in stratagems thrown and stuff like that. I'm like, yeah, all right. It wasn't in my head. I really did help us get that win there. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe I did poorly. I'm like, oh, I need to work on this.

I shouldn't have used that pistol. That really slowed me down there. Like I like learning via those stats. And Hell Divers is like, ah, you won, who cares? I do, you fuckers. Yeah. The Vermin Tide 2 or whatever.

Hell Tide. Well, yeah, Vermin Tide too had the scoreboard. And then Dark Tide is the 40K version from Fat Shark, the same developer. And they just took up the scoreboard because of... I don't know how I feel about the scoreboard. There are times when I want it. You know, like I play this night rain game,

which is another, like, you and your friend. against the computer and it'd be nice to know how well I did you know and who did the most damage and stuff like that but you know like for example left for dead whoever gets the most kills maybe feels like they were the most effective that's horseshit it is that's not how you should measure a player whoever got the most kills it's just the guy who was in the front the whole time like you know being the most aggressive and anyone can do that I think more impressive is most revives most specials killed they're the more dangerous ones you'd like end your run that kind of stuff that that was the stat i would go for is like most specials killed like i would try to be that utilitarian

guy who had the the elf that had the heat seeking arrows and like anytime a special would make its little audio cue i would instantly switch to my it's dead it's never some trash mob that ends your run so i don't really really care how many trash mobs you've killed we can all do that Hell Darvers has good stats like that it's it's it's a lot of things it's accuracy shots fired enemies killed stratagems thrown dead friendly fire

how much friendly car damage you did how many I don't think you need to keep track of things like that samples you extracted with it's too much lots of stuff like that yeah I need a scoreboard at the end of a game can you imagine after call of duty or like a shooter if it was like well done soldiers

and then it just went to the lobby you just like you're having to keep track in your head yeah i don't have to imagine because remember remember when battlefield 2042 launched a few years ago it didn't have a scoreboard and i was like i was furious i was like what what do i do with this like i like i played through a battlefield match and battlefield's the first thing i go and look at is like how many points i scored how many control points i was getting like i killed death whatever i didn't kind of doesn't matter to me in battlefield because you you know you're taking points yeah but they didn't

have a scoreboard when they first launched that game because I think they were trying to like maybe like dark tide be like hey everybody had fun I hate that shit lame eat it their excuse is that it promotes toxic play but it's the opposite like it would be so good like if I'm playing with three of my friends and what I'm did poorly

hey you see it didn't work out right you got to use the flame thrower there use the flame thrower and they just walk into and die stop using that shotgun you're not killing anything you're just stunning everything you know like here's the proof like there it is and then you get better

and you improve by seeing how bad you are and also sometimes you gotta cut some people go cuts to people loose you know I see you got three kills and 30 deaths

like you gotta fucking go bro you gotta go practice for you come I practiced before I came to play with you it wasn't just from my benefit it was to show you a good time you clearly do not have the same

same care for my well-being I do that too but I call it training all these solo runs like beating every boss with every character. I'm training offline, so the training for what?

What are you training for? You know, the night rain Olympics that might be at an event. So you have a nice control. So I know you're very into this game, and I've been like this before too. When I get super into something, I buy accessories.

Have you access? Do you have like a headband? Or do you have like special deodorant? Like are there blue filtering glasses you put on? Do you put a certain cushion in your seat? Like, the thing is. Oh, so he does.

I wanted, I don't. I tried to buy a Wilder sword. Wilder is one of the characters in game. And he has this real neck. It's recognizable sword with a, like a blue fabric hilt and the blade looks like it's hit a lot of things because it's all jagged on one side. And I want it. But I can't find it. I found one guy on YouTube who made a custom one for himself.

He's a blacksmith. I was like, should I reach out to this guy? No. I don't really want a $1,300 sword, which I'm sure is what it would be, right? this guy custom made this sword for me but I just hit up Etsy every so often see who's making things what exists so I try blacksmith's listening

Woody would love a a notched sword from his video game I can't believe that they don't have it Woody because like this is this is a pretty well I'm finding his lady printed garbage but I'm looking for something that's cool yeah yep yeah cool cool a little over there you know you know no no swords pretty cool it is cool to have swords but that would suck if you've spent

$1,300 to commission a blacksmith and then I imagine some YouTube blacksmith guy like that's like his commissions have to be after the videos and so he'd get it to you in like five months when you're on to the next souls game and you'd already have in your head a different sword you'd be like this fucking piece now you're like having to text of blacksmith have you started yet I could see it going like that. Now, he made his sword when the game was really new. So he churned his out. Like, you know, you strike when the iron's hot.

Sure. The game was hype when it first dropped. So he was able to get that done. I don't know. I don't know how much I really want to spend on it. I just wish I could go shopping and see what was available. Nothing's available. You'd have to find something on your wall behind you to take off to hang it out unless it could go like underneath.

That American flag can go. Get that the hell out of it. here everybody has one of those who cares don't burn it yeah don't burn it you'll go to jail yeah no actually I really like that flag I didn't mean that flag was one of the last or maybe the very last flag

to fly in Afghanistan as they took it down and left so yeah soldiers sent asked me if I like that thing is a certificate it says job well done about and there's mission accomplish the date is like August 2003

Okay, it wasn't our best war, but it's the only one I have a flagged war. I don't want it was Vietnam flags. Muddy. Soaked in blood and smells like weed. It's going to be my new business selling off the Amazon flags with counterfeit certificates. This is from the moon, idiot. I would want like a melted gear shift knob from the Road of Death in Iraq. I watched a 30-minute thing from that Simon Whistler guy.

If you don't know who Simon Whistler is, he's the bearded guy with the bald head and the British accent that has 8,000 YouTube channels. I know who it is. Yeah, yes. Search Simon Whistler. You'll immediately be like, oh, yeah, that guy. But he had a 30-minute video about the Road of Death in Iraq. And I came away with it with a different thought process.

like apparently like they had raped and pillaged in Kuwait and most of the vehicles that they had that were sedans were stolen Kuwaiti vehicles that they were making away with after they'd raped and pillaged and those people had it coming they need I think they killed like 1,500 people but uh they destroyed like 10,000 cars and military vehicles and tanks and jeeps and all sorts of stuff like that that would be a cool collectible like just the skull of that guy hanging out the front of that truck on the highway of death.

With his head all crispied. Yeah. That picture wasn't distributed in the U.S. Only like two news organizations distributed that. He talks about that in the video. They were in the U.K. I've never seen this guy before.

This bald guy with beards. Like, I've never seen one of his... He genuinely has at least 15 different informational YouTube channels that are really high quality, well done, well-written, well-read stuff. I just scrolled down after searching Simon Whistler and someone who I guess dislikes him some commentary guy was like why is this guy everywhere and the thumbnail is

him and it says the king of slop it's like based on what you're saying Kyle it's these don't seem like slop videos he's just like if I made that I would hate him too my favorite and I bet you've seen this this is the war story content you know what was the name of the Russian mercenary group they were in Ukraine early on. Wagner Group. Yeah, the Wagner Group. Well, I think it was during the first Trump administration, although it's not political.

They were attacking a U.S. protected oil drilling facility in the Middle East. And the Russians are attacking the Americans. The Americans call up Russia. And they're like, are you attacking U.S.? Like, we don't normally do this. It was in Syria. And the Russians are like, nope, it's not us. And they're like, you're sure now.

It's not you? And they're like, no, not us. So then America unleashes, holy hacking hell. And like the drones, artillery, like, we just go bananas on them. There was an AC130 there. There was an AC130 loitering drone. Not the kind of like kamikaze drones, but the drones that fire missiles. Apache helicopters.

Apaches. And Navy SEALs or Delta Force. I don't remember which were in the, that's who was there. Delta force was like the first responder on there and they're like helping organize the aerial attacks. And we just absolutely demolished the Wagner group, their Wagner group. But the story is really well told because it's like, you know, it has this nice arc of like a few Marines went out to like address it and like make them stop and they got overwhelmed. And they're hunkered down in trenches, like just hoping that help can arrive. and then help arrives and in force and things are just boom boom boom you have to watch it

i could get you a link it's maybe 18 minutes long this is the medal the russians gave the men who survived that operation uh if you look at the metal closely you'll see that's an apache helicopter firing down at a russian soldier who's on fire oh my god that's their metal there's the metal just for living through this assault and the documentary thing I'm talking about is like while this metal is real this scene never existed

there were no Russians standing tall facing a patchy helicopter you wouldn't I bet there were a couple guys very very briefly vaporized the second you still get up that is a ugly metal I don't like it it's not symmetrical

it doesn't the lettering on the sides that's not even like Russian letter that was Arabic it looks like perhaps the Syrian government had something to do with the metal yeah if you're gonna put a metal out like spend a couple days on it like a couple drafts they all had to make like they probably were probably won't a lot they needed to make yes they want to spend a lot of time a good one's like the purple heart you know oh yeah very simple they kept it simple because they're like you know we're gonna have to give up stuff with a ton of these and so let's let's keep it simple but also classy also nice looking and all of our high level medals

like the silver star bronze star medal of honor they all look nice they all look good maybe russia's high level ones look good too i don't know i bet north korea still has the trashiest ones they're over there fucking stat padding those things are made like lead they look heavy you see those guys just i've never seen those what really they have they have like 55 medals on every single general and it's like all of them they put them on their pants are too old to have served in Korea and then they they start pinning metals to their pants leg I'm not even getting zero percent of them are old they haven't fought a war since late 50s yeah that's the key thing here I found a picture I want Zach to share it

there we go um but like you have to understand this is if you look at the medals on these soldiers none of them were alive during the last war that the country participated in so what are these medals for like latrine duty. Holy shit. Oh my god they're huge. None of them have the well tailored suit metal I notice. Or that scout badge.

That's kind of what Kim Jong-un wears though, right? Doesn't he wear like huge suits and huge clothes? That's true. Everybody else has to look fat too. That's a good call. Like he dresses the whole gang. His leadership gets more impressive all the time. I love it. He's the only one that's allowed cheese. It's like in the

movie, the interview or whatever. Kim Jong-un is like, oh, yes, it's true. We have many fat children. He's bragging that there are fats in his country because that's a sign of wealth. It is crazy that went on to their legs. I know you said it. I see it. Yeah, the arms. Dude, it sounds like fucking Santa's sleigh. When they're jingling. Listen, the Koreans are coming. Jinkle, jinkle, jingle. There is power creep. in our military's medals too, I've noticed. I saw one of our like generals from the past 10 years and it was like some guy and he had a huge just whole side of his chest fault.

Nothing as egregious as that. And then I checked and it's like this guy never even like saw combat. Like he didn't he wasn't that kind of soldier. And then I saw it like a comparison one where it was like General Patton or someone. And he had just like a modest little like maybe three with like two under it. there's like a really small area and it's like wow we've been power crept too in this way just like in video games

where we're giving them out too early I don't think so boy scout medals or something or like what are they giving the medals for if there's like if they're running out of room or if they're there's so no I know here it'll be stuff like those medals that everybody has those little like stitched on things it'll be like oh that person passed their rifleman exam and so everybody has that

or like this person is like an airborne member so they have that and then like the colors on me Valor from another man, but here we go. I'm stealing? No, you're taking their valor from them that they earned and had it on their chest. You're like, ah, I don't count. Well, you know. Do you think it was easy to thrive on the

target range like that? You know, I don't have that metal. And so I wouldn't know. I think it's like a marksman medal for when they like score with really high. Some of these guys walked for hours to get those medals. I could tell you what metals I arms, but I'd have to kill you. A whole base. we are not the North Koreans

if our guys have medals they earned them like we fight we have been continuously at war my entire life like what are we talking about that's what I was wondering because I like I would love to see a lit because you always see all those metals all over just you know even US generals I I'm sure there's a list there has to be a way

to decode all the things they're wearing and be like okay he has this for this he has this for this they do it on Reddit I've seen guys do that on Reddit where they like break down especially when it's foreign guys they'll be like oh this means that and this means that and the other. Sometimes it's interesting because sometimes it'll be like, oh, that's just that just means he went to that country. He didn't necessarily

do anything important. That's just the campaign medal that everyone he went there got. Which still, I mean, if you fly my ass to Iraq, whether I get shot at or not, you better put something on here. I went. I didn't stay at home. I think I'm conflating the patches with the medals because

the patches are different. That's what I like, those are the ones where it's like, I went to Kuwait and I, you know, and all I got was the stupid patch. Like that sort of thing. Did you ever consider going into the military at all? Not even once briefly. Really? Never.

No, I was like, this looks awful. I definitely did. I very much did. Yeah, I did too. Absolutely did. After 9-11, it was like, let's go get them. And then I watched Shock and awe on TV in high school. And, you know, I'm graduating next year.

And it's like, looks like we're mopping the floor with them. Like, get in and get out. We better. I might need to sign up today if I get to see any action here. This thing's not going to drag on. for 20 more years. If I joined that war then, I could have retired in that war from the military. 20 years of service on that one campaign that we didn't.

Had you joined, it would have been shorter. We'd have knocked him out. I'll tell you right now. Look, if I've been there, things are going to different. I've seen the videos. You're quite good. I got Marky, Mark, just like Mark Wahlberg, if I'd have been there, it wouldn't have gone down that way, okay?

You would have been sitting here. and on your jacket, you'd have your own set of finger symbols. Fucking all over me. I'd be jingle jangling all over this podcast. I'd make y'all salute. You would have to. My buddy dropped out of college in like late 2009, maybe early 2010,

out of the ROTC program because his concern was like, the war's going to end any day now. I've got to get to Afghanistan. And then like he got there and spent a lot of time in Afghanistan. And it was like, didn't end so quick. Afghanistan sucked, dude. There were those units that were out there.

He said Fallujah was really sucky. I bet it, look, I can't imagine what it's like to go door to door in a city with 10,000 enemy insurgents who want to kill you, and they mark their bedpost for every American they even shoot it at. Like, that would be, that would suck. But those guys, and I think it was Toravora or something like that, up in those Afghani mountains,

they would have them stuck on some mountain ridge in a dugout with, like, sandbats, around them and they're like all right you hold the valley and it's like what are you talking about they're sniping at us every day we they would they'd have like the shitty rations like they'd run out of their their pop tarts and stuff like it they'd be out there for months at a time on a mountain top in afghanistan i don't know the weather sucks there like like getting shot at like that'd be a nightmare too uh i wouldn't want any part of that war that was such a sketchy war clearing those houses like your buddy did jesus yeah i don't want to fight somebody now

fucking house. That gives up every advantage that we have as a trillionaire country. Like, we should be shooting from out of fucking space. Not getting so close we can smell them. Because that's what they'll talk about. The guys that are over there, like, you could smell if the house had people in it, or if the food had gone bad. And, like,

if you smelled that spicy B-O, you knew they were in there. And I'm like, what the fuck? We shouldn't be able to smell the enemy. It's the 21st century. We've got so much money. That's too close. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be able to smell my foe. Because that would be naked from, I'd probably smell me too. You hear about those

tunnel rats in Vietnam would talk about they'd eat the Vietnamese food so they would stink like the Vietnamese because their VEO is completely different from their weird, wacky Viet Cong diet. Would that work? The man crawls down into rat holes to kill people with a 45 pistol.

I'm going to take his word on it. It would have been the worst rat hole in night. Every night before we go on patrol if it'll get me through this. I like put a mirror on a stick and put it five inches into the hole and be like all clear I look down the corridor I would be so unhelpful yeah I spend most of my time like calling and trying to convince like the provision master that like no we didn't get any of that

last shipment of food it's really really your unit that keeps losing it and it's like you know war war is hell brother I think ISIS came and snatched up all the strawberry frosted Pop-Tarts. I don't know. There were three pieces yesterday. They're all gone. Well, we came and investigated, and we did find all the Neapolitan ice creams with just the chocolate part eating out.

I was watching a thing yesterday about, and I didn't know this, but we captured so many Germans during World War II in the North Africa campaign. The guys who fought under Rommel, who'd been pushing the Brits around, we showed up and beat the fuck out of them, and we captured like 300,000 of them or something like that. And I always thought that

our prisoner of war camps were maybe over there in friendly countries or like the area we captured in the in the rear echelon or whatever like they're back there we voted them to the usa and kept them in like michigan or something like that really we did we had we had hundreds of thousands of german POWs in this country and uh i watched this thing where they talked about how they were reversed brainwashed when exposed to american culture like they got to our first they out on the Liberty ships that we were baking one every 42 hours by the way at peak we crank out a boat every 42 hours

on that boat that was bringing them back they had K rations which our troops would complain about but in that K ration is chocolate, sugar coffee, cigarettes processed cheese, meat things that they've been living on bullshit like sea biscuits

for weeks starving to death with dirty water and they hadn't had coffee since the war began they get on the Liberty ship they have K rations and an ice cream machine. So then they got in the POW camp and they were prepared to be starved to death. They'd been told the Americans are brutal,

the lies about their opulence and their big economy and the production is all just propaganda. And they got here and they were like, candy bars. The guard told me that any child could buy one for a nickel. Whatever that is, he gave me a candy bar.

It's the thing so precious. gave it to me, and it had nuts in it. Real nuts! And then they were like, they had icy cream at the POW camp, I guess. And it was just like, you can imagine, they're like, licking their ice cream, singing like, we were the patties.

And some poor guys in, like, Japan, having, like, bamboo shoots grown slowly under his fingernails, and we were giving him ice cream. I didn't know we boated them over here. That's crazy. I had never heard that we bought your Ws. Like, you get here. I'm not in Michigan, that's the state that's in my head, though.

Let me see where we kept the, where in U.S. We voted them over directly to McDonald's. We dropped them off at McDonald's. We said, you go ahead, you have whatever you want. We give you a $10 gift card. We were playing the long game. So we have 425,000 Germans that we brought here

and kept in over 700 prison camps throughout the United States during World War II. So they were all over. Texas, Colorado, Oklahoma, Iowa, Virginia, and Arkansas, according to this. So a little SEC action. for the most part. They're in the SEC other than Colorado.

Damn. That seems like a huge amount of effort. Like if I were in charge, I would have been like, no, we're not using our liberty ships for this. We're going to build a little shanty town here. And they can,

you know, we'll trick them with the rice cream we have left, you know. But no, we're not shipping them all the way to Michigan and then shipping them back in eight months when this is over. Oh, speaking of,

oh, please go. I was going to ship something else. Please continue. Oh, no, I was just going to. I also wonder if what Kyle was saying was, like, they were doing it on purpose. If they were psychologically trying to turn them and be like, hey, like, there's no need to fight against us. Look what we've got. Process cheese. Like, check it out. It was true. It wasn't manipulative. It really. No, I know. Not at all. It was manipulative. It was like, look, but we didn't want to do anyway. Hitler declared war on us.

Yeah, exactly. That's what we agreed to fight the Japanese after they bombed us. And then Hitler had this agreement with Japan that was sort of. misunderstood. And he was like, ah, war on the U.S., which made it really easy for FDR to start shipping troops into Europe. Like, what a fumble that was. Yeah. He was probably pretty pissed at Hirohito. That was his name. No, FDR loved that hero. No, he may have even conspired to allow it to happen. Oh, Hitler? Yeah. Yeah, Hitler wouldn't have been pissed. They didn't coordinate. I think her name is Sarah Payne. I don't know her credentials, but she's an incredible historian. I see her do these talks

and podcasts. And she talks a lot about Japan and the early days of World War II. And one of the things was how Japan and Germany just didn't trust each other. They were sort of frenemies. And so like Japan really needed a supercharged engine for their planes.

The Germans had one. It was like the best one, but they wouldn't get it. The Germans or the Japanese really needed torpedoes maybe and the Germans had the best torpedoes of the day. But they didn't tell each other that. Like there was a lot that going on not working together and sharing where their technology was

leaps and balance ahead of everyone else and they were both like using their secret Morse code to send insults about Mussolini I bet bullying I'm thinking about it though like wasn't Russia originally on Hitler's side they had originally agreed to

it wasn't at the something ribbon-troped pact is they had a bit of they had a non-aggression pact and Russia had already like sort of I think they were already in control of some territories they weren't supposed to but um obviously i think hitler thought that he had won the war in the east when he started i think it's barbarosa was his uh when he attacked russia but but to hear those commanders talk they're like there's nothing in front of us nothing behind us and the enemy continues to retreat like it's thousands of miles they've progressed now just chasing the russians

bleeding themselves dry and extending their supply lines and all the while the russian winter is coming well no but before that i think the russian Russians and the Germans were on the same team or had a client. Yeah, I only mentioned it because I can see why maybe Hitler didn't want to give their stuff to Japan after already an ally flipped to the other team.

They didn't call the Hitler declared war on. I think that was an aside. I think he literally betrayed them. It was like I was like, yeah, well, you know what? We'll be friends in this, in this. And then I mean, that's what Hitler did. He took over everything. He was like, nah, fuck it. I'm going to take over everything. And so then all the other countries around.

They were only, I mean, at Stalingrad. Their pact was basically to be like, all right, Soviets, Nazis, we're going to look the other way, and we're going to split what is now modern day, like Poland, Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, and you know, you guys, you guys can have your side of it. We're going to have our side of it. And then how about we just like agree to expand our empires and then, you know, that takes out of mine. Yeah, Hitler changes mine. And he said, never mind, it's all mine. I want it all. He wanted more.

described, Sarah Payne described it as Hitler was ashamed of his need for an agreement with Stalin, that they were so opposed philosophically that he, it was shameful for him to have to deal with Stalin, a fascist sort of, um, communist, communist, yeah. Yeah, yeah, well, both. He's both. Um, fascist isn't necessarily a political organization. It's more an act of will and the way they run their government, but, but he didn't want to do business with the commie and he was sort of in a way ashamed or embarrassed that he had had to to sort of make sure his back was protected so when he thought he had the the eastern area covered he went ahead and attacked russia which seems like a huge blunder because it was yeah but he almost got them

that's why the nazis spent so much effort on the hugo boss outfits because hitler was like all right if i have to you know make ends meet with this commie i've seen what his soldiers are dressed like total schlubs. Our guys are going to look nice. And so that's where he got his little private victory. Maybe, maybe. I have read that. Yeah, yeah.

I have read that somewhere. Have you ever seen the Soviet soldiers in World War II dressed up? Every single one of them looks like one of those Korean guys in like some previous now dead Soviet soldiers, much larger coat. It's always brown and drab. And it doesn't look like a uniform. You know, all right. So here's the thing about Russian military.

The Soviet slash Russian military, you didn't use socks. until very recently, like maybe the 70s, it's when they started wearing socks because they'd always use these foot wraps. There's a technique for wrapping your foot in a cloth that is as good as socks if you ask a Soviet. Yeah, it wasn't until maybe the 70s when they introduced the first socks for their troops.

That's all, I'm like, I guarantee I'm doing my foot wraps and I get three steps into the marsh and I'm like, it's just a tangled mess down there. came up again sorry everyone we have to wait I just imagine some podcast in 2175 being like they didn't move to toe socks until recently like 2,100

toe socks they're all wearing those goofy mountain climber shoes I'm always interested in those when I see them but I can just imagine you ever stubbed your pinky toe against something at night how bad that hurts I'm just imagine like jogging through like a forest trail and getting that bitch hung on a root.

Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen someone in public wearing those? Yeah. Not in public. I have definitely seen, yes, absolutely. It's like, it's worse than pajama pants somehow. It's weird. Of course it's worse than pajama pants.

How dare you? How dare you? Like I didn't detect that little, little slight. My pajama pants are in the 24th century. First, well, you know, in the pajama jeans, they look like jeans. Oh, yeah. They're denim. It's stretchy denim.

They're like cheap barbell pants. They cost like $40. Those aren't PJs. You know, I was picturing you going out and you're like Atlanta Braves, you know, cloth.

They don't have belt loops. They print the belt loop on the cart on the fabric. And the fly. Like it doesn't have a real fly. It just has like a fake fly. But if you like try to open it, it's like,

oh, this is only like a centimeter of fabric that juts out to a big. That pretends to open. Yeah. Yeah, pull them. Pants with elastic in them or not for people over 25

because you can get fat and lie to yourself. Truth. If you take one thing away from this episode audience, it's that. Those room to breathe slightly stretchy jeans

are just evil. It's terrible being comfortable. Yes, let my denim restrict my eating habits. I've got to scale for a reason. I got plenty of room in here. I am going to get two burrito balls. yeah it turns out i can eat trail mix and still fit in these stretchy pants

the trail mix must not make you fat the last thing you need is is this wardrobe malfunctions like let a man have have have some fun let them eat their cake then you have to like you notice because you're like ah I shouldn't have exhaled like that standing was that Marie Antoinette yeah yeah i believe that was in response to the people are starving yeah it was a famine they were they were starving And she was like, oh, why don't they just eat cake? Because she thought everybody had cake. I don't think it's a true story.

But yeah, the deal is they didn't have any bread. So her being an out-of-the-box thinker was like, ah, well, then cake. And it's about to tell the story of how she didn't understand the crack. I thought it was like a glib response. Like, I couldn't care less about these foreigners. Oh, this thing they don't have access to? Oh, it could be. Let them eat cake.

I can check myself. Because the French hated her more than other royalty because she was from Austria. She wasn't even French. She was an Austrian brought over. Do you know how much bread they ate in France during that time period daily? Probably a crazy amount. Those people love bread. Yes.

And they're so thin. Guess how much bread? Do it in pounds. 2.2 pounds of bread a day is what the average Frenchman ate during that time. So when we run out of bread, we're just starving. Okay. That's like how much bread the FDA told you to eat until like eight years ago. Their diet consisted of like a liter of wine a day and 2.2 pounds, a kilo of bread.

A liter of wine? Yeah. How do you get anything done? That's more than a bottle of wine. That's pretty big. How much is a bottle of wine? They're not, they don't 50050 milliliters? Yeah, 750 are like the normal skinny bottles of wine.

A liter. That's a good bit. It must have been like when they say stuff like, did you know that the English drank for a gallon and a half of beer a day but it wasn't like it was like bullshit beer like Kyle's brought up like they just it was like 1% alcohol just to make

sure there wasn't dangerous microbes in it it was it was they had dirty water so they had to drink something with alcohol in it to like clean up their water and that's why they were everybody was sort of drunk all the time yeah it must have been kind of fun they're like and they're like what do you want me to do

this is our only option that's like pirates that's like pirate's drink only rum Grog, which is I would Raman water drink a 1% beer than a 1% rum

and water solution that's hot in the sun some rat shitting it Yeah, you say that On your first month aboard the vessel By the second month You want something to take the edge off, I promise Yeah, that's what I mean

Can you imagine drinking around that deck out there Some asshole blogged you last week Because he caught you jerking off You know a little But that ship life back in the day was hell incarnate. Every time I hear about what pirate life was like, or even like aboard the Royal Navy's of that era,

it's just hell. It's just hell. Yeah, shit sucked. I love the people we do it now. There's a whole YouTube genre about that. And I watched a guy, it was his dream to become a full-time sailor. This is his bag.

And he worked and worked and worked. He bought a boat. Boat was not ready. His mission was to sail from California, excuse me, California to Hawaii. And he worked on this boat for an awfully long time and finally got it ready in what they call a blue water state, meaning like it's meant for, you know, deep across ocean missions. And he sails and he's so excited. His dreams coming true. End of the second week, like, okay, all right, this is cool.

I'm really doing it. End of the third week. He has like six more days. He's like, you know, that's enough, really. I'm kind of over it. Yeah. His whole life has been rearranged, but he's over it. He couldn't wait to land.

What kind of tech did he have? Like, what was his living conditions like? It was kind of smallish boat, 32 feet. And he had short sleep. He seemed to use like this sort of couch in the middle of the boat on the side is where he slept. I'm not sure how to answer where he's. of tech he had. He had a navigation like my thought was like I was talking about the sailors of olden times where they'd eat in those ships biscuits and things that had weevils living in them

and they'd have salted pork if they were lucky and that they would they would do this thing where they I think they called it a pudding but don't think pudding. They would take like green English peas and they would put them in a bag and then they would tie a knot in the bag and they would boil the whole bag and when you open the bag again you had a ball of green mush that was flavorless that on like a holiday you'd get a dollop of butter to put on your green mush i'd rather just eat the peas i think he had a propane camping stove on a gimbal so that when the sea moved it would stay more or less upright and uh his diet was maybe comparable to what a hiker would be eating, you know, some fresh foods

early on and some dehydrated foods towards the third week. It's probably pretty lonely, right? It's got to be fucking lonely. Yeah, you probably get bored. You know, people don't talk about the loneliness very much. They always talk about the richness of the cruiser community. That's what they go.

I don't get lonely cruisers. If they're meeting up with other people then at that point. He's got internet, right? There's a cruiser community. That's true. That's a good point. I don't need to see people. I wouldn't get, I would I would, the loneliest would be the last issue for me on a boat.

I'd be, I'd want to be near the coast so we could see stuff because I, for a while, the open ocean would be a wonder to look at, sunset, sunrises, the stars on the ocean. I bet you'd see so many stars. But after the third week, I'd kind of like to see something that's green again, or I'd feel comforted if I could just, oh yeah, that's the coastline over there. What's that, like 12 miles? Wow, I could make that. If there was an emergency, it'd just be nice to feel that there, that safety zone.

It's just a few dozen miles away other than when I see people doing that fishing in the South Pacific, it's the loneliest you can be. The closest people are the space station at that point. And it's like, oh, my God. And it's not the smoothest waters. It's actually the roughest waters. It's where you see that crazy lasophobia footage of gigantic waves and white surf and stuff. It's really scary. And the water's so cold, it kills you.

Like everything about that place is terrifying. I think the ultimate hypothetical dream I'm never doing this one I'm married I have a family of responsibilities and I get C-6 so badly

this just isn't the life I should have but if I wasn't me I start for North Carolina I go down the coast I go off of Florida maybe stop at Cuba maybe hit like

I don't know the Dominican Republic Jamaica Cayman Islands Panama Costa Rica Nicaragua you know go around the the Gulf of Mexico up across Texas and back to Florida.

Like that sort of circle is a really noteworthy sailing trip, but it's also never more than like three days at a time. You know, you're two nights and you're at the next island. Now you're in Trinidad and Tobago or something. You live in there for a little while. You resupply, go to the next island. And that would be a cool life for a bit. Yeah, I agree.

Again, the open ocean thing is sketch to me. That's In the Pacific Like that's a lot Oh yeah Yeah Yeah I wouldn't care for that

People have died like that And disappeared like that We got into this whole Conspiracy rabbit hole The other day Me and Scum About Gislane

Galane That's how you pronounce it I said Galane Maxwell It's Galane Maxwell Galane Her father Robert Maxwell

It's believed That he was A spy of some kind the British spy service said that he was a Russian spy, but there's also taught that he was a triple spy, and he was an Israeli citizen, I believe. I believe he was buried there. So most people believe he was a Mossad agent, first and foremost. And he was also a billionaire. It worked like $3 billion or something like that. And in 89, he purchased the company that makes all the textbooks and history books in the United States. And so I felt like we were going down

this rabbit hole where it was going to be suggested that he was rewriting history books about on the orders of massad for the american consumption but the more i dug it didn't seem like that was the case he owned a he owned the publishing company he also owned a publishing company that publishes like in-flight informational booklets and stuff like that um so it just seemed like a business venture for him more than anything else and also if you can imagine like penguin publishing slash random random house they don't editorialize they They don't rewrite, you know, content. They're just printing and publishing and whatever and selling.

But what I did find was that he died a mysterious death while yachting in the Atlantic. He found him, quote, unquote, drowned. And there's a huge conspiracy. An Israeli British double agent died mysteriously in the same. Triple agent. I know, that's how weird. What a weird agent. That's odd.

So weird, weird, like circumstances around his death and life. I mean, he was for sure assassinated. The boat was named. I think the boat was named Galane or like Galane's spirit or it was like something I was named after his daughter I remember like she's dead galane spirit well I don't know the spirit of Galane or something I can't remember what the but I remember the exact name of his boat but it was something my dad had a boat named like Taylor's memory I'd be like this is the last time we're hanging out yeah I've seen people name their boats like my son's college

fund or something like that I had a vote as a teenager. It was named Thanks, Dad. Oh. Did he name it? No, my mom did. Well, it was her idea, but we were all excited about it. That's kind of.

And that's a ridiculous and he named it. So you always remember to be thankful. That's why I asked. I'm like, this is either, you know, thankfulness from Woody or kind of weird from Woody's dad. Never forget. We were talking about the. the SEC POWs, and it reminded me of how great last week's college football

openers were. Georgia, of course, she lacked their competition. It was not a big deal. It's one of those countries. It was like University of Phoenix. Yeah, we probably paid them a million dollars to beat their asses. Mizzou also shall act some team, like scored like 50 or 60 or something crazy. It's a St. Mary's School for the Deaf.

But I was more interested in the L's that my enemies took. Texas loses an embarrassing one with Arch Manning going out. as starter. Alabama loses an embarrassing one. Love to see that. The dynasty is dead. Nick Saban is gone.

Suck it. Roll tide, please. Oh, and horns down, you fuckers. Then, over at UNC Chapel Hill, I think, is that the school that Bill Benning... That's what I was going to go to, Bill Belichick. Well, it's just, they paid

I think $50 million for Billichick, thinking that they were going to get the New England Patriots. it's dynasty. Instead, they got the Boston Celtics version of Shaquille O'Neal. This guy who retired and didn't tell

anyone and still suits up and shits the bed. They absolutely suck. He's a ghost of who he used to be, and I'm here for it. You know about his girlfriend, right? Yeah, that's why he's not good at football anymore. He's distracted. So she is... Like she's 19 or whatever?

24. So she's 24. I think she's about to turn 25 this year, maybe. And they made the... Someone tweeted out this hilarious. they were like, we're coincidence. Bill Belichick's girlfriend is the same age as his backup quarterback, both four. He wants to feel close to the team, kind of know the culture. Dude, so I love seeing all those Ls. I, you know, I hope George has the trajectory to do well. Texas was ranked number one. We're ranked number five. So that's a boom for us for sure, seeing them take that L. I haven't looked too much at the schedule, but it's all,

There's going to be some rocky, rocky moments and pitfalls. I hope we can get through this season, get back into the playoffs, and secure that UGA dynasty. We need another, we need one more before I think you can call it to the dynasty. They went two in a row, then they lose one, and then they win another. That's dynasty in my, in my ascertaination. Who's your team, Kyle, Georgia? Yeah, UGA. I was born in Athens, where they play out of, and I lived most of my life about 40 minutes away.

Obviously, didn't go there or anything, but I'm definitely a big fan. You watch football at all, Bruce? I do watch football. I don't watch college, so, but... My eagles are playing scums, cowboys right now. It's 7-7. They're watching it. They're streaming it right now in the Discord. There's a bunch of them in there watching it, yeah.

I think the Cowboys should suck, and the Eagles should be good. The Eagles are heavily favored, but it's tied. So that's why they play the games. Who do you pull for, Bruce? I inherited the Packers from my dad. so because my dad when he was a kid he was uh he loved bart's star and the packers was like they were the dynasty back then they won like super bowl two or one or whatever it was um and so when he when i was growing up he would always root for the packers and i was like what we're from

california was born and raised in los angeles like well i don't understand why green bay and that's why so ever since then i've uh i've always sort of been a packers fan by proxy um and uh and uh hilariously it's like all the like brett farv and aaron rogers now the two amazing quarterbacks the packers have had the last 20 30 years their legacies just ruined like both of them are like you know brett farb was like stealing money from welfare or whatever it was and then uh erin rogers is like super cuckoo sometimes not always but sometimes um so it's really funny to be a packers fan now and be like kind of like yeah things are going well i guess what's crazy is you had those two

generational talents and only got like one or two Super Bowls out of it, right? Between Fav and Aaron Rogers. Yeah, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah, and that's the, and so it was like, it was a gun slinger. We saw your baby dick. You fucking loser. That guy sucks. Go strap on your Wranglers and defraud some underprivileged

minors, you piece of shit. Yeah, but he could whip around that pigskin. He has the NFL record for interceptions. That's right. Well, I mean, but you have to be careful with those kind of records because like oh you do you have to play a long you gotta suck for decades

to get his most interceptions the martham bradur has the record for most goals allowed I believe in NHL history and it's because he played for like 10 years longer than even like a very long playing and like 10 years worth of game percentage is is good for you know

career for the era he played it was good yeah yeah I don't think Fred Farms interception percentage was good that no it wasn't it was a most defensive team in the league. They pretty much ruined hockey with that left wing lock bullshit. They'd win one nothing all the time. They did.

So they made the rule, the Broder role. Sorry, getting on a tangent here. Martan Brodor was regarded as one of the best puck handling goalies in the history of the game. And I'd watch this guy play and be like, I'm better than him.

And the truth is, I am. But I tried doing what he did with goalie equipment and it's a whole different thing I'm like oh I see why all goalies suck at handling the puck it's really hard in this shit this glove is cumbersome and I didn't realize they all shoot on their offhand

yeah first of all they're holding the stick backwards I didn't know that was the part of it I didn't notice too much you can't handle this puck very well as a goalie he was like my sports idol growing up I would come out of the net too much sometimes to try and play it and then be like I guess I'm, I guess I'm never going to be that guy.

Just gave up a really soft goal and everyone on the bench is mad. I would like to be into the NFL, but like, there's no cup. The way I look at teams and franchises is you can do so badly that you lose me forever. And when the Falcons lost that Super Bowl, that was it. It was like, all right, this is clearly not the kind of organization that I even want to be around. Really, forever. They lost you forever because they should go off. Like, you can never come back.

from that. That comes up on ESPN every fucking year. There's every time a YouTuber makes a video about like the worst losses of all time, not just in NFL or sports, just in life. Like they might talk about the asteroid. There's the asteroid. They hit the dinosaurs and

edging that right out is the Falcons losing the Super Bowl when they were up 25 to 3. The much of the dinosaurs actually persisted for up to 200,000 years after the strike. You know, they clung on. They were They had gumption.

The Falcons, however, laid down, bent over, and really took a shalacking from the goat, Tomber. And I have to, every time that comes up, I have to watch it. And I do watch it. And I remember. I remember. Taylor was there with me when it happened. We were there together. Oh, no.

It was a pain. It soured your mood. You can never go back. You can never go back. Never. Wow. Never. Okay.

Was it Tuesday? Were we playing targ up? I forget. But, like, things were going well. And then we ended up. and someone called it a 28 to 3 moment and we all knew

what they were talking about yeah it's true that's exactly that literally happened this weekend yeah somebody it gets referenced as just oh you shit the bad big time

huh what a humiliating loss wow how do you come back from that like if I'm on that team I'm shocked I hate to say this I'm surprised none of them off themselves

and the fallout of that like if I had done that like my whole if you're in the NFL it didn't just accidentally happen you came from a football family you came from a football high school because your family moved to that locale so you could be coached in a 50 million dollar stadium in texas like you're you've lived and breathed this shit your whole life and you're at the pinnacle of the sport and you've got the best team in the world and for the of the decade the patriots you got them pinned down like a bug in a science experiment we're in the fucking

locker room at halftime I would have loved to hear that speech it must have been like well we did it boys you want to crack a little champagne early yeah let's have a few glasses what's the worst it could happen that's all I can do to explain what happened

is they got drunk on champagne at halftime instead of finishing the fucking game because it's it's just you can never come back from that I'll never be a Falcons fan they would need to genuinely win like three out of four in a row like they'd have to turn into the chiefs

and have like a Chiefs like run and for the first two Super Bowls I'd be like we'll see we'll see how they are next year we'll see how they're next year two in a row okay two in a row's been done a few times all right cowboys knocked it out I'm sure

they won a Super Bowl like five years ago like that long ago the Falcons Yeah didn't they win in a year I'm thinking the Braves the Braves won about five years ago and you hate that The Braves kind of now it's too I'm not too happy with how they run

their organization over there either you go to the playoffs 14 years in a row and you come back with one you have glavin smolts and maddicks three hall of fame starting pitchers and you come away with one in 1995 bullshit loosers bobby cox there bobby cox was the coach during the time fuck him fuck your old ass you loser you loser only one win you have one job and it's to win it's to be victorious it's binary there is no fucking like points for winning a pennant winning a pennant what does it even look like what does a pinot look like i don't get a little flag you better show up with that

world series trophy if we're not wearing diamond rings that say world champions, then we lost. It's second or last. I'm so sorry I brought this up. This is so raw for you. This is 2017 this happened. And this has been, these have been a bad few years for you, Kyle. The opening his own wounds up on me. I'm so, I'm so sorry. They did win a Super Bowl.

The St. Louis Blues NHL team made the playoffs from 1979 to 2004 and 1-0 Stanley Cubs. That's the record in all major sports. I know. Congratulations. You're the greatest losers of all time. Well, until 2019, until 2019, baby. I got banners in my gym all over.

And with as little cocky knowledge as I have, I know that was a fluke win. We know that that was a bad year for them. They weren't a good team that year. They weren't the best team. If you had to go back with your time machine and be like, all right, the aliens have come to play hockey for the fate of mankind. We have to pick a team from the season. the blues won the cup could go fight the aliens

the mon stars it's it's like space jabba hockey you don't send the blues yeah you absolutely right because I think the blues had like the best the playoffs happened in the spring they had the best late winter so like you look at February you look at March

and you're like Dan this could be the team yeah if you okay the September version of the season the start the December version of the blues yeah you wouldn't have sent them because they were like last in the league at New Year's. But spring blues are the best team in the league by far. They have the best record in the second half of the season.

You send them to the Monstars. I send them to the Monstars because guess what? You know how the Blues won? We didn't have a single superstar on our team. It was because the bias of a blues fan. It's because we played dirty. And the Bruins fans were like, the Blues played dirty.

And every other person on every hockey forum was like, give them hell bluish. Fuck Boston. These guys have been bullying the whole. league forever. They're going to call that shit when you play the Monstars. You're going to have some fucking Cardassian refs calling that game. Like, you better

play clean. No, playoff hockey, dude, it's not clean. It is when you play the Monstars. We're playing on Neptune. Well, I'm one of the moons of Neptune. They have to play here. I got to get going, but I'm sorry that I brought it up. I'm not sorry. Okay, we got another hour and a half to argue. It was good to

see you, Bruce. Take care. It's always always good to see you guys. Thank you again. All right. Later, man. everybody go check out Bruce's stuff and before we move on lock and load folks you know the spiel you know the whole pitch by now

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crispy peely feel that some of those cheaper shirts have or those cheaper hoodies. So check it out. You will like it. And use code PKK a ton. Oh, man. Dude, the Eagles and the Phillies.

I'm sorry, the Eagles and the Cowboys are playing right now. Cowboys are up 14-7. I'm not excited about that. Still plenty of game left. On the positive side for my boys, our defensive tackle has spit on their quarterback. He just hawks. to lukey and spit on him like hit him in the sort of sternum and uh something yeah we got it's not a

total loss that's one of those things that like i don't like to see from teams i'm rooting for because i always think like oh no this is going to be the halftime thing that they all lock in on potentially and be like you're going to let them go out there and spit on you really is that the kind of players you or is that the kind of team this is and they're all going to be like no, we're to Cowboys. They're like, and then run back out there and have a good old time. So, Zach, I don't think we, I'm sorry, cut you. I wanted to make sure Zach didn't show this because we've been,

dude, we've been copyright struck for an NHL halftime show where a grandmother scored a goal through like a mostly blocked goal and won like a car. And they're like, yeah, you can't show our games. It's like, this is what? Okay. That's so stupid. They're hyper aggressive on sports. footage but there's a photo or a video of our guy jeline carter spitting on their quarterback

which i take it's that is that is so boorish so classless just this class that is disgusting you think you can come into our house saliva free you have another thing coming you know i every i wish you would follow salt charges He'll get off scot-free. Are they playing a Philly? They're all going to be wearing fucking eagle's heads. Damn it. That is.

I didn't see him do it. That could have been anyone spit. That's such a shitty move. I don't like that one bit. Yeah, that's classic. Neither did their quarterback. No, was there any call?

Was there any penalty? I mean, he's a little bit ejected from the game. Oh, okay. Wait, was that the quarterback? That's bad? We lost our defensive tackle, I think, and the quarterback was the guy who received the spit. Wow, good. I'm glad he, what do you call it when you kick him out of the game?

Ejected. Ejected. Expelled. Yeah, ejecting him from the game seems like the right call. All right, that's fine. I wouldn't like, I would be, like, upset about that. I'd be like, we got to hate him collectively forever then, right? But if they ejected him from the game.

I hope he gets fine. Yeah, that's shitty. I don't like that at all. I hope he gets a statue He's standing up for the eagle's pride I just don't understand how to appreciate sports They're going to be greasing the polls in Philly tonight I'm a bit of a hypocrite but not fully I realized

In the middle of the thought because I did think it was funny When Brad Marchand licked that guy That's funny also Also he isn't doing something just gross to someone else He's getting some grossness Arguably getting the grosser side of it When a fighter kisses another fighter in the face off, I'm okay with that. That was like mutually assured destruction.

We both spooots there. You got a little gay on each other. Everybody's seen that shit. You know, like, I have never seen a fighter who was like, I don't think there are any openly gay fighters, but that would be extra fucked up if one of them smooots to straight guy. Like that's a whole other level of, but of course. Sugar is Sean openly by? I don't think so.

I think he's just, they've got like a polyamorous thing where they, they have like, banging everybody type orgies. Oh, speaking of banging everybody type orgies, have you watched any of... So good, so good. Got the clap. It's been an itchy Thursday. I got a little four of mice in the

that I've bought from a pet store, so I'm all good, though. I just rubbed it in. I don't know if you've been watching the new season of Peacemaker, John Cena's superhero DC Universe show. I won't spoil anything other than to say that like James Gunn, I think, is right. and producing and he's done a really good job i haven't seen superman yet but he has woven superman lore into this where they reference things that happened in the superman movie and i think

hawk hawk girls there and the green land is there um these aren't spoilers they're not doing anything there's it's sort of like a cameo type funny moment it's really funny again john scene is still funny again um it's got some emotional moments there's only two episodes out it's on our plex if you don't have HBO anymore. And I like it. In the bedroom scene, maybe you're headed to. Well, there was, again,

I won't spoil it, but there was so much nudity, it might cap the record for nudity in a TV episode. Game of Thrones had an episode where I think O'Brien Martel, the Red Vipar of Dorn, was at the whorehouse,

and then maybe there's another episode also at a whorehouse where they're like trying to pick the right girl. And so you'll have like a slew of just gorgeous naked women who were all tens in the background and the foreground, uh, but this it was wild.

There was just pussy and they're just hard dicks and pussies and just, you know what's hard to beat? Spartacus. Yeah. Yeah, Spartacus is the goat at nudity. And they got Lucy Lawless to show her boobs in there, which I've always been a huge Lucy Lawless fan

since, uh, Zena Warrior Princess back in the day. Um, so, So, Spartacus is the goat of on-screen nudity. And there's that one girl we've talked about her tits before because they're just perfect, like, gravity-defining cannons that she's got. She gets, she gets, like, raped by the head of the household, although he, like, owns her. So it's just, but in any case, they're just, he's like thrusting and they're, like, bouncing. And it's like, my God, they're, are those real?

You know who I think might have had the best boobs in cinematic history? she was like in Dorn snake or something in Game of Thrones where she talked about how great her boobs were and I thought you don't think so no overhyped

those are like symmetrical little bee titties like like I mean okay but but like I let me best boobs in Sparta that'll get it all right all right let's let's see what this chick in Spartacus is just wacky pants on head

it'll take me a minute to find it now if you found out they were man-made would you change your opinion no because a lot of beautiful things are made by man's hand okay some people are strong opinions on that what are you doing here Kyle titties

best boobs in cinematic history or TV shows that that really shine with their nudity Game of Thrones Spartacus and apparently peacekeeper too Magic Mike I haven't seen that

I'm straight Oh you simply You simply must Her name is Laura Surridge Boobes I don't even know I've never even heard of that person

Yeah She's just a boob girl from Oh I'm gonna Oh great I found the whole video Oh this is this is killer This isn't slow copy pasting I mean, it's a, that's a nice metered, measured speed. Yeah, that was very crisp.

Oh, I remember this scene. Yeah. I wonder why she doesn't get more work. Yeah, if you skip to like a minute and 12 seconds after he spits on his hand to fuck her in the ass, you can see that these are just insanity titties. I like how in that whole ludus is like so attractive. Even the fighters are shredded. and then just this goober owner

just a pear-shaped narrow-shouldered like douchebag I went to a minute 12 they just keep showing the same four seconds again and again and again I'm at 140 now it hasn't changed he's thrusting is there something wrong with my computer no this is the video playing properly

I skipped ahead to two minutes it's this wait is this a two minute 26 second video of the same three seconds. I think they start looping the good part there at the end, but it begins with a bit of foreplay, I suppose. But yeah, big fan of that. Those are the best tities I've ever seen in a movie or TV show, I think.

Although Eva Green in, I think the movie's called The Dreamers, is pretty colossally attractive. And she shows like Vaj, and not that Merkin Vaj. Peacekeeper has Merkin Vaj, just so we're clear. Big, big, hairy Merkin Vaj. They don't Merking them Cox, though. There's some big old Dongs. They're like dancing in slow moose.

and there's don't small opportunity mercants why not I'm teasing I haven't even seen it you need a huge murkin to hide this thing it need to be a shrubbery like I could just have have it grown normally like on that trial right there's not enough pubic hair in the world on a human being to hide the cock that this fellow is is shaking about but I don't I have not seen what you're referencing yeah it's the new season of peacemaker there's a there's a big nude scene that's pretty, pretty wild. No, but I'm liking it so far. Eagleie has a good scene.

As always, like John Cena's character is showing a lot of emotional range while being a dufus. Like, you feel sorry for him. He's kind of having a hard time of it. It's a good show. I'm looking forward to more of it. I thought there's more out.

There's only two episodes, though. Is it a show you're actually liking, or is it like just kind of a time filler one? So the first season came out like three years ago. Like maybe toward the end of the pandemic even. And I really, really liked the first season. I watched it with like everyone I knew.

So I saw it three times the whole season within like a month or two. I was like, hey, you want to see Peacemaker? You want to watch it with me? Let's go. And just really fell in love with the show. And with John Cena too, he's a really good comedic actor and dramatic actor. And I like the premise of the show. I like everything about it.

And then the second season finally came out. And they've, it looks like the D.C. might be poised to, to move ahead of Marvel for good. If Marvel's, uh, Dr. Dune stuff like really shits the bed, then D.C. is absolutely going to take over that market. What do we have here? More nudity? Yes, I am 18. It took, so I called that I'm 18 and it took me to another web page where my mouse purser is now a giant cock. And there are there are pussy's, there are pussy's oozing come everywhere. This is further evidence that you're too slow in the draw. because I got out of that so fast. No cursor change.

I bet what are, it's a complex ad structure you have to dodge. But I saw it and I'm like, this is surprising to me because this penis might even be below average. And I was like, oh, that one. No, he's right. That thing is like a baby's arm. He's in the background.

You're muted, Kyle. Oh, I think. Oh, the Eagles tied the game. It seems like a weird thing to have a ton of in a superhero show. it's a weird superhero show. I think of superhero show is like aimed towards young audiences. No, not at all.

No. Definitely not. Well, I do think generally, I agree with Taylor. They're generally geared, but Kyle's right too. And the boys also. Heismaker's father is a member of the Ku Klux Klan. He beat his brother to death as a child because his father forced them to fight.

He is a murderer. He is a former, he is a superhero who was actually a super villain and just didn't know it. Like, well-meaning, but clearly evil. His best friend is a serial killer. He's not a good guy. His best friend is one of the best parts about the show.

Yeah, that guy's funny. He's very Jeffrey Dahmer-esque. They make him, he looks like Jeffrey Dahmer. He acts like Jeffrey Dahmer. He's very weird. He clearly is a sociopath. He always wants to kill people. Like, it's, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

He's just murder, murder, murder, murder. This is inappropriate. He had to go from filming smut like this to shaking some cancer kid's hand later that day saying, you know, you can't see me or whatever his thing is with wrestling. Sad. He's like, why is John Cena so,

why does he smell so odd, mom? He's like, oh, you know, he does other jobs. He's not just to wrestle. He actually, he's not fucking because he's so depressed. Like he's trying to have fun, but he's so depressed that he just, he just gets sad and doesn't take, part in the fuckery that's going on there.

I skipped around, but I think he was fully clothed everything I saw. Yeah, he doesn't get naked. Yeah, this looks It's a little much. So, Kyle. The Epstein survivors went on the steps of the Capitol and pleaded that Massey's bill

get passed. Did they vote on it yet? I think it didn't pass, or they don't have the votes or something. I don't think they're going to get the votes to release the Epstein list. or some such a yeah they have four republicans in every democrat trying to release it but they can't get i think they need six republicans and they're yeah so they're too short well who else is on the list seems like you get like a one of the paul guys on board for that

are they already in the mix trump is threatening anyone who votes for it openly yeah trump is openly saying like he's going to primary you be considered a hostile act if you want to release the epstein files so fucking insane But the survivors There's nothing weird about this Oh it's totally not unbelievably A lot of fake stuff in there A lot of fake stuff

Prop again Yeah yeah So the survivors are saying They're going to put together Their own list of all the men That they saw take part in this And all the men that abused them And but then Marjorie Taylor Green

Came out today and she was like Yeah that's great But the problem is If when you These are the most These are the richest most powerful men in the world They'll sue these ladies into the poor house They'll be homeless

But Members of Congress can't be sued for things they read on the floor of the house. So I'll read your list on the floor of the house. And then she had a good speech. Oh, that's a good little loophole. Yeah. Yeah, it's like an old thing.

The founding fathers put in there that they couldn't be prosecuted for things they said during debate on the house. Good. Fuck all these people. Well, so where I was going to head to is like, you think it'll happen? You think? Which part, that MGT will do what she said she offered to do? both sides that the victims

will put together a list and MGT will read yes I think that'll happen I've had the hiccups for four hours I know you ever do a spoonful of sugar that that always takes the air for me it's the whole heaping I always just drink as much water as I can for the longest period of time that I can

or I just hold my breath but I feel like that's just all placebo like right Jackie tried to scare me didn't go anywhere sorry I'm just not scared to you Women saying boo is the least threatening thing I can think of. She just said, I'm pregnant. Oh, it worked.

You don't want a spooky movie without couplets. And you know how it'll go. The second we're done, you'll stop. Do you think that we'll know some names? And I think probably not, but maybe. I doubt. honestly like we'll see what happens it's nothing ever happens you know what I mean like it just seems like nothing ever really happens and the truth never comes out and

I just feel like it'll be like a house of cards episode where somebody will get to the door the list and somebody will put a hand on their shoulder and be like how would you like to be the CEO of Grunham North from you know and they're like yeah hold on this for me I need to go go head on over there stop my real like I just feel like somebody will get bought or they'll get scared or like frightened by like threatened or they'll be blackmailed themselves like like oh it turns out your son's been very active on campus i don't know why these are all old southern gentlemen well because that's you know as we know galane maxwell notorious Alabama fan as much he's from marjorie taylor green part of it is very interesting to me right

so this is an amoral person right this person who never does the right tells lies etc i've heard again and again that behind closed doors, she's a very clever, sane, calculated person. But on camera, she kind of plays a QAnon believer who says that the Democrats were responsible for the hurricanes, like literally the weather systems. George Soros, space lasers cause the California fires and all sorts of like wild QAnon stuff. So why is she doing the right thing? This isn't her pattern. Well, she wants to be a senator. And she doesn't have Donald Trump support. Which, in fairness to Trump, like, this is why the Democrats, I'm sorry, the Republicans don't have more Senate seats than they do. It's always the Democrats running some like centrist, professional, like reasonable person, and then the Republicans running Herschel Walker, right?

That's why they don't have a Georgia Senate seat right now. They ran Dr. Oz in Pennsylvania. That's why they don't have PA right now. These places are all pretty red lately, but they're losing because they're running whack jobs. So I think Trump sees Marjorie Taylor Green wants to run for Senate and he's like, not again. No. Why don't we just run a reasonable person? Georgia should be kind of an easy win.

But if we run Marjorie Taylor Green, we could lose. I know they did go blue for eight years ago. The population is like, I'm going to get it wrong. It's like six million people in Atlanta and four million in the rest of the state. Like, it's Atlanta is a blue city and it's a black. It's black and blue. And it's, I think Raphael Warnack is our senator that won that race about four years ago, maybe. I remember being like at that gym, like on a treadmill and then announcing his shit.

But I think they're both. They won in like a COVID election where both senators had done like, they'd profit it off of COVID by making stock trades with insider. knowledge and they just beat that drum until people were mad at them and the blue team was able to win and he's black i think they have a republican governor so it's not like it's a blue blue state it's purple but uh i don't know maybe i'm crazy but i think it's a red or purple they just had some bad candidates hershal walker comes to mind oh harsall walker was a buffoon what like uh here's the football player right yeah yeah very good football player he owns some car dealerships here. He seems like a nice fellow, but

a buffoon on the microphone. Like, clearly doesn't, like, like a slow-witted person who's had a lot of head knocks to the head. A lot of bumps and bruises. Yeah, we're not running it up the middle here. He should just enjoy doing commercials for certified pre-owned, fucking chevies

or whatever the fuck he does. I think there are slam dunk people in Georgia for Senate on the red team. And I don't think Marjorie Taylor Green is one of those people. I think. What do I know? But I think that is also why she's loving this Epstein shit, she's like, oh, Trump, I've been loyal to you for like 12 years now or whatever, eight years, call it what you will. And when I want to run for Senate, suddenly

you're endorsing anyone but me. Well, heck you. I think I should read all the Epstein names outlet. I think that's what's happening behind the scenes here. Well, a Democrat offered to do the same thing. So the holdup will not be the reader as much as it will be the Matt. Massey offered his, oh, you're not thinking to Massey, though. I don't know who Massey is. Oh, he's a Republican from Texas, and he offered to do it too. Yeah, no, that'll be good, but I don't know if they're going to put a list together. And I don't know, a bunch of women working together on something.

I just don't know if they're going to be able to get a list together. It just seems like, oh, no, it was this guy. That's true. Look at how long it took them to fucking deliver the mail in that World War II movie they made. When they put all the girls in charge. Everybody was getting incorrect mail. You know, it wasn't good. I mean, you can't argue with Taylor's logic, probably.

I didn't watch the movie, nor did I, nor did I read the story. I don't even know the movie you're talking about. I'm going to watch a movie. They made a movie about women delivering the mail during World War II. There's a bunch of black women who were like, they're like, Hank from Breaking Bad is like looking all stressed out as a general in his office in the trailer, and he's like, oh, World War II. and I'm in charge of mail.

And he's like, this is a big deal, guys. We need to get the mail to the front lines. And it's getting there too late. And then a bunch of sassy ladies get it done, I guess. Nancy Mace, who is a sexual assault survivor, Republican House of Representatives person. And she left in tears after listening to the Epstein victim. It's just like bringing back all this trauma, et cetera. I saw the video of it.

It looked pretty sincere to me. I wasn't convinced. And then she decided to vote against releasing the Epstein files. I was like, of course you did. Dude, so many of these people are just performative doing their little song and dance. Just to be clear, like, and I think this is, this gets lost in the shuffle sometimes. I don't know what the Epstein files are. Now, it's clearly some files related to Jeffrey Epstein, perhaps including some of the names of perpetrators or are people who were part of his sex thing.

Maybe there's evidences in there against them, like not just to list. of names, but I don't know what it is. And I don't know who has it, and I don't know if when it was acquired or where it came from. And no one, and that's so like in the papers. Is they redacted all the names of the people who took advantage of these girls. How do we know they're redacted? Well, there's no names of people in there.

I think it's safe to say. I guess I can't know, know which parts they blacked out. Sometimes entire pages are blacked out. but we know they blacked out Trump's name because that's been widely reported and I maybe the Epstein files for me are just the unredacted versions

of stuff that's out there I don't think it's as like simple as people like I doubt there's like a word file somewhere or just like one list sitting in a notebook it's like no if this was a foreign intelligence operation it's probably multifaceted and there are different bits and pieces are stored in different areas

and there are certain people in, you know, whatever, you know, Mossad or whatever intelligence agency who know this, but other individuals don't know this. Like, I think it's just an easy colloquial way for people to be like, not an Epstein list, which would be the aggregate of all that information. Like my best guess, and that's all that you can do, because no one has ever nailed down what it even is, this list or where it was came from or what it, what's in it or what format. Like, my understanding was it was just evidences that were collected from Jeffrey Epstein's

homes and from his island. stuff. Like, I don't know what that is, though. Like, like, what you suggested is something that might probably does exist, which, which I would call the Epstein list, which is whatever Masad collected, um, whatever Epstein collected and then turned over to Massad, um, as far as political blackmail. I bet there's a list of like, that says like, Jim Norton came here to fuck little, little, Jimmy, different Jim, different Jim, different Jim Norton. Yeah, weird guy, a weird, creepy like wormy guy, not the Jim Norton, you know. So, you know,

Jim Norton, he attended, you know, October 17th, 1997, ex-M-O-V file, sex with little boy, three minutes long, audio included, and then like bullet points going down from that. That's how a massage list would be.

It would be like, this is the dirt we have on this person, this is the dossier on who they are and how they're connected and why we're pushing buttons on them. This is the file for him. Like, that would be organized. somewhere. As far as what was found at Epstein's place, the Epstein list, the Epstein file. It's not

going to be a thing that he has put together in the same way he had that album of birthday cards where it's organized and leather bound and prepared and organized. It's just going to be shit they found it is out. There's thousands of hours of videotape, they said, tons of pictures and all these documents

have these blacked out things. And curiously, no one rich and powerful is named in the files that we've seen so far. We don't know what those videos are. Call me crazy. I think perhaps rich and powerful people are being protected. I think maybe so, too. But my point is, like, they've never, that's what I want to believe. That's the conspiracy theory. But no one's ever shown me any glimmer of anything that would suggest that that's true. Like, they say that the tons of videos and images are downloaded from the internet child pornography, the same way when you see, like, some petto ring get broken up in, in the states or in,

Europe or whatever. They'd be like, oh, that we found him with two petabytes of child pornography. Well, that's just porn that he had downloaded and was keeping. They're suggesting that is what they found at Epstein's place. I haven't seen any evidence. And what I mean by evidence is like, a person I believe putting it on record or a fuck or a photograph to suggest that there's hidden cameras on the Epstein Island. Why was there? There's no footage at all of like the raid there, them going through like people's drawers, like like like going through like looking at. around. I've never seen anything that suggests that they found

stuff like that there. And I'm not saying it doesn't exist. What I'm saying is they always hammered Epstein File, Epstein list over and over. What does that mean? What does that mean to you, news reader? Like, explain to me what the Epstein list is. Yeah, I don't want to get caught up in semantics when they've clearly

blacked out all the stuff that is that they don't want us to know. I want to know what they've been hiding from us. But what was they been holding back? I think we all do was that piece of paper was that who who typed those words on that piece of paper and what are they in regards to because and i'm not trying to get in semantics i just think it's important like i'd like to know what is that piece of paper was that a list of guests was that a flight itinerary

was that a sworn statement by a caterer was that a video was that a transcript of an audio file was that transcript of a video file what exactly was the words on that piece of paper i don't even know the content, the names and the dates. What was it? What was it? In my head, it's a summary of the other evidence collected. You know, like, all right, we know this guy sent this money to this guy. And then we know that afterwards, this guy took a plane trip to his island. But that's sort of something written up by like a case officer or something. Yeah, I'd like to see that. And then they release it, but they black out all the names and all of this. This is like the thing is I would imply an investigation.

We're not, like, the only chance I think we have is if some good faith whistleblower, like, in Mossad or something, releases it or maybe, because I doubt the U.S. government or intelligence has access to 100% of this. Like, think about it. Like, you're a secret agent. All of us are secret agents, and we've successfully blackmailed the most powerful rulers in the West to do our bidding and pay us off and all this. And then out of nowhere, there's a huge upswell of people who discover this operation, probably one of many, operations similarly and then are like we need to release this we need to release this the last thing the three of us would want to do if we were agents who knew that information is allow it to get out there because now we don't have blackmail over those powerful leaders anymore all those leaders are

going to be jailed and deposed and now we are we have far less power to influence the new people who weren't on the island who weren't doing fucked up shit with with kids on a fucking secret island with a sketchy temple on it. Like the basically the people in charge of the core of this information that have all of it have a huge vested interest in not releasing it because they have power from it staying secret. And so I would not be surprised if a year from now we're having another conversation where we're like, yeah, but I think this time they're going to vote on the super duper super duper serial. We're going to release it and talk about it. And I just, maybe I'm pessimistic. But even if they do, I don't think we're getting anywhere near.

the full information like we'll get a we'll get a little drop in the bucket of what's been going on but you never know the future who's to say hopefully they all get released and every single person on it who can be proven to have done that shit is locked away forever Kyle you're muted I don't think they have any proof of anything I think I think they found some stuff at Jeff's place that's that suggested that something had happened but I don't think they have like the video of X person doing Y act I don't think they have anything like that I think they have a lot of CP from the internet, and I think they have, like, maybe the apparatus for creating blackmail

and passing it on to an agency like Massad. And they might have some, like, guest lists. But I bet it's almost impossible to extricate the people who are there for my ties and a free weekend from the ghouls who frequently, you're like, oh, yes, these boys are much better than the ones in Thailand. Filling me in triplets. I think it's actually more likely. that they do some horse shit

where they release some people on a list and then they use someone on that list released to be like, hey, we have actually verifiable evidence that this person isn't engaged in any of this and actually, because we just proved this just now, that means the whole thing is bunk. Sorry, guys, we did.

It's just going to be a way to hide. I don't think they're as smart as you are. I don't think they're going to be like the empire. That's something the empire and Star Wars would do. They like release their men's on them. That's what I would do. Like that would be the easiest way to maintain your blackmail control is set it up so that it looks like nonsense and then you just move forward

and call every single person who hammers home on it a conspiracy theorist just like they did before it was like totally understood by everyone this was a real thing they did i'd like to see national polling on on like how big of an issue this will be for the midterm elections because i had no idea that that say roe v wade was as low on that list as it is like it's like 13th or something it's on the second um like uh vertical list of uh of things that voters can't care about. I wonder if this is going to be a voting issue or if this is just going to be like a smear campaign. The economy is too terrible for people to like have stuff like Roe v. Wade at the top or Epstein at the top. But I don't think it's going to be, you know, a page three

issue. I think a lot of people want to know what, to what, who and to what extent are elected officials are controlled. I don't know if it's Epstein in particular, but I think things like Epstein are very important. And here's what I mean. A lot of people are like, these guys are crooked, they're criminals, their petos,

they're awful. Let's vote the bums out. And then they do and they get Trump in there. And that is their idea of throwing a Molotov cocktail in a dump of a city to start fresh again. And then they get Trump in there

and they say, oh man, it's just a different swamp monster. Let's vote the bums out. And that's what the Epstein list might provide. just like, oh, I thought Trump was going to release these files. I thought Trump was going to be a breadth of fresh air

and the guy who wasn't on the side of the deep state. But it turns out he's the biggest swamp monster in the river. Well, it turns out they don't let you get this high without being compromised. Do you think you could run on that as your primary platform? Like, yeah, the economy, the foreign policy wars and such. But Epstein files will be released on day one of my administration. Do you think that that can be a leading edge thing? 100% no not number one no I don't think so but I actually I'm bouncing back if your leading

edge thing is these people are crooked and compromised Epstein files is just one symptom pharmaceutical lobbyists are another one you know this lobbyist that lobby is military industrial complex these are the guys that are really running the show here but I'm pure that could be a front page number one issue I'm not as You know, the dump that you'd have to say the word Israel to make that case. And nobody will do that. They did in New York City. Remember we talked in New York City about how every mayoral candidate except one was like, dude, day one, first thing we're going to do is visit Israel and bend the knee, except one guy.

We'll see if he actually wins. But that is, but I saw that clip too. It's like, what are you? It's like a bunch of people talking about being a mayor of a city in the U.S. I'm like, well, step one, I'm going to travel 3,000 miles and touch an old wall. And then it's like, what the, what the fuck? Like, if I were like there, if I were their handler, like, I would be like, you're being really on the nose guys. Like, geez, Louise, don't lead off with that you're going to come on the nose.

Do you remember when the dude, do you remember when the congressman was wearing his IDF uniform in his office with the Israeli flag outside the door? Insane. Insane behavior. He posed for that picture. it's it's cuckoo oh man can you imagine any other why people don't get it and like why you can't wake up and and i got to be honest like i see this happen sometimes it gets stymied like by conspiracy theories like the crazy conspiracy theories and the wacky stuff don't mention jewish space lasers when there's actually a problem here that that's on the front page and is in black and white

Okay, don't muddy the waters with Jewish space lasers and anti-Semitism. And what I mean by that is like mocking their appearance or whatever and just going into a racist thing. This is a political thing, all right? This is about a country. I don't care that Jews happen to be running the country. That's irrelevant to me. I really don't. You know what I mean?

And that's not how we should face it. He cares about their actions, not their religion. If Germany was doing this and involving themselves in our politics, I would feel the same way. Those are the anti-Jews. two sides of the same coin yeah those are the those are the positrons to the to the they did the first holocaust the jews are doing this one it's a whole different thing see here's the thing about like the germany um has been has gone so far the other way i remember seeing like um i mean they're beating the shit out of those anti-palestinian protesters there was some woman i saw german police

like beat her ass there's like blood running down her face as they drag her away away from protesting for Palestine. Yeah. What the fuck? Dude, did you see like seven different members of the AFD, which is like the German right wing party, have been assassinated, have been killed, like in the last couple weeks leading up to an election? I didn't know that.

That's crazy. Isn't that the organization that usually say is like, I don't know, like an extreme, far ultra right wing in reality? They do, but like. Maybe not so many immigrants. I don't know they're like their core, but I know that a big part of being right wing in Europe is like no more migrants, no more immigration. They're changing our country and we don't like it. And that's really the only perspective you need to have in order to be considered a Nazi in modern Germany.

Can you say it's my fault. My mind drifted. Seven people were killed, you said? I think it was six or seven AFD candidates were killed in the last couple weeks leading up to elections in Germany. So they're like seemingly pretty clearly being targeted by the. powers that be yes Casa 7 he was on mute but he yeah that's that's not good

that's like uh it's like it was a crazy like a borderline unbelievable number you remember Mexico their like recent election were like dozens and dozens and dozens of politicians were getting assassinated and the lead up to their elections

it's crazy we don't have any corruption like that over here no no we're all squeaky clean here in America In Canada, you could join us. I don't know if it's true or not, but I read that. Actually, if we allow Canada and they'll never win another Stanley Cup again. I read that in the UK. Because they won't be Canada anymore.

So they won't be America too. I'm sorry, Kyle. We're all excited about the cup. I read it in the UK that young girls had been arrested for carrying hatchets to defend themselves from the migrant rape gangs. Did you see that clip? Yeah, it was some like 12-year-old girl with like a knife and a hatchet being harangued by some migrant guy and they

the police arrested her while she was armed Taylor she could have defended herself yes you she was wearing that's sewn up in a fucking suit to keep from getting raped by the this is the kind of thing that definitely doesn't proceed enormous

cataclysm and riots and change in a country like that's that's crazy and meanwhile they're like arresting people for sporks get it together guys come on you can't even have cool knives no guns

I'm just glad nobody over here's talking about taking our guns away when we have a little mishap Hey how about this We can't we haven't figured out To take Canada yet Only Trump Only Trump

Woody, okay He says he's going to ban trans people from having guns And Can't make your mind up about you This is what he does Okay He always like target

Excuse me He always targets the unpopular Right like he goes after John Bolton He goes after trans people He goes after flag burner And every one of these things kind of whittles away like this, you know, you could be next, right? Like, oh, there was literally a Supreme Court to decide a Supreme Court case that decided

Durning Flags was like fourth, first and second amendment in order. But who wants to stand up for flag burners, right? I think those people are icky. Every time I see it, I'm disgusted. Like, it's something about it. I don't know. I just bleed red, right, and blue, I guess. But I hate to see it.

And everyone who does it is typically a person I very much don't like. It's never someone that I agree with burning a flag. So, but going after flag burners, it's like, this is just what he does. He finds someone unpopular and targets them. All this is going to be used as a pretense for more limits on speech. He uses them to chip away at like right at the Bill of Rights. Like the search of seizure with John Bolton, right? Then he goes First Amendment with burning the flag.

Then he goes Second Amendment because trans people shouldn't have guns. Fuck you. Fuck you. It's printed right there. All the people should have guns. All the people should say whatever the fuck they want. Hate speech and free speech are synonymous. They're the same things.

You wouldn't need a goddamn law that says you can say whatever you want if you were saying nice things. No one would be, nobody would come around. Hey, oh, did you compliment that flower in public? That's not what free speech is. it's the ability to say fuck you to your leadership to burn their flag I'm sorry it just threw me off the whole spiel

when you started talking like a fucking chimney sweet well those are the people without any free speech those are the ones that have to arm their daughters and hatch it so the migrants will rape them in the streets how about this little idea we haven't sealed the deal on Greenland or Canada yet how about this we arm the moderate rebels in the U.K.

The IRA. We allow them to, or the, you know, the 12-year-old girls with the fucking knives. And then they take over and then now they're basically, now we pretty much own them. I'm not completely sold. What do we arm them on with? Like our leftover guns, not the good stuff.

They don't need the good stuff. Like 19-11s or something? Yeah. Oh, no, they need machine guns. Tommy guns. We've got crates and crates of World War II Tommy guns. Like, just lay in somewhere, I promise. Yeah, we can give them.

those and then when they win we own the UK and it's the ultimate uno reverse from our history this is for 1812 see the thing about our white house we're burning down the palace every time someone tells me that they carry all the time

but they carry in 1911 I say show it to me and you know what happens they can't they can't no one fucking carries a full size pistol and I don't see it I think we should arm them with Dillinger's or something a little mouse gun because they'll actually have them in their pocket.

Well, we're going to arm a whole bunch of them, and they're going to be feeling good. You guys need to feel safe. That's what we do in my country. You walk down any street. Guy with a rifle right there in the corner. He's looking out for all of us most of the time. Most of the time.

And then if he's not, guess what? The rifle guy in the other corner is going to take care of that, right? I think these are good ideas. We just arm the Brits who are hating their government, and then we get them, we get England. I don't know what I'd want to do with, you know, the UK. We could travel there. I'd take vacations without a passport, I guess.

You don't want a big island full of pasty people, bad food, and terrible weather. Right. Maybe we should go for Spain or Italy. I feel like the beaches are so much better. Yeah. We could do, I mean, we could do all of it, right? All of Europe? That's been tried before.

It's actually tougher than any sounds. We could do D-Day again. We could do D-D-D-D-again. land at the beaches of Normandy, nice this time of year, and then just move on in through France. The French are assholes by every report. You have never in your life once heard,

like, oh yeah, I went to France. Man, the locals are so kind and understanding. I spoke a little French to them. They love that. Did you know that? They love hearing a foreign speaker learn their language and show that effort. They appreciate it, and they show that appreciation.

No, you hear they're awful people, their city smell of fists, and they are so awful to, it's like it's not their third biggest chunk of their economy. All I hear about the French is they're terrible, terrible, undeserving people who we shouldn't have saved. We should have made a deal with Hitler

and let him keep France and give the rest back. He would have done a better job. We could have had our own little, I guess it would have been sort of like the Molotov Ribbentrop Pact. It would be like the Cheeseburger Ribbon Trap Pact. And we would get to take half of France.

Whatever half has the, whatever has half has Paris in it? like French Canada though like the problem with France is full of French you need Hitler to go in there and clean them out like he did Poland

they've got enough good food to overcome a little bit of haughtiness and guess what they're not gonna be so haughty when they start getting fat we're gonna put our we're gonna start

spraying their fucking wheat with glyphosate and then all their haughty we're not fat shit is gonna come right to an end the ultimate I want to make them pronounce croissant

the American way that that'd be the first law I'd enact if I took over France croissant fuck you hang him if you don't hit that cru hard that's how you would know

like if you if we were like in the streets fighting you'd be like croissant and then he'd have to call back croissant and if you had clausanne baguette however they talk yeah yeah they still like

I feel like I don't see like French people online the way I see like English and like German people maybe they don't yeah well they're they're ace at rioting I was gonna I was one of the weird Taylor fell on that, right? Because on one hand, when we see riots in America, we almost always

hate them. Like, ah, look at those assholes. There should be laws to run them over with our cars or something like that, right? And then we see France riot for like higher pay. And we're like, you guys, we should be more like you. They're really the winners. They're getting shit done. So where do we land on this? I mean, usually the rioting depends what you're hiring. They'll like raise the retirement age from 42 to 43 and they'll burn down half of Paris. they'll make the work week a full 30 hours and suddenly the arch the triumph is lying in rubble you know like they uh they they they want their creature comforts and like in a first world society maybe we should have that i've seen people make the case for a three hour work day and it's like

i think it would be okay if we didn't have that one percent with half the world's wealth we could probably squeeze that balloon and all these little ones wouldn't inflate enough that we could get by on 15 hours a week of work a week right i don't know there's a lot of jobs that just If you weren't looking out for the shareholders and you were sharing the profits of these guys, you're thinking we nationalize all industry. Here's what I was thinking is I spoke. I was like, all right, let's think back to my Cisco days. Let's say I work like 45 hours a week.

He's like a mouse that fell in a tank of liquor. I'm like, I've been muting, but then I laugh. I don't like the show's kind of missing. The kickback was funny. That's fair, yeah. can't help so if I worked 45 hours a week at Cisco

maybe 15 of them were really heads down productive hours the other 30 were meetings or Reddit so 15 hour work week could work I think it could work for many jobs so I think it could work like

production jobs it's going to be a little weird but jobs like the jobs that are a little bit like high school in college projects where you can technically do them in an hour. You don't need three weeks. I think that if people worked hard and got the three hours in, it would work out. But jobs like sales. Well, I guess if the car dealership was only open for three hours a day, you'd show up during those three hours. Yeah, it'd be fun. Yeah. That'd be my political platform. Delivery drive. You need those guys to grind. Oh, we're not talking about people that actually work. They have to work.

Oh. I'm talking about people like us. White collar jobs. Taylor, you were essential services would have to be 24. You're 100% right about how like the schedule like white collar jobs go is like so much time is taken up by like meetings and minutia and nonsense and little how do I respond to this in like a business or just straight up slacking and being like you know what if I finish this assignment right now, he's going to know it only takes me three hours to do this. So I'll give it to him tomorrow afternoon. And then every time he says this, yeah, is that who, Star Trek? Scottie, the engineer in Star Trek, he's a famous miracle worker. Like, Scottie, we need those engines back online. It'll take me five hours, sad.

And but in reality, he can do it an hour and 15 minutes easily. So when he should, when the, Scotty, those engines, I've done it, sad. Full power. It's like, what a miracle worker. It was going to, you know, five hour job and 45 minutes. And it's like, he just keeps his reputation going by, by oversight. telling how difficult something is. But I think you can just do multiple shifts.

If you need a 24-hour service, like at the hospital, we're doing three-hour shifts. We need a lot more doctors. They only work three hours a day. Yeah, you're switching off in the middle of surgeries. I'm out. That's it for me. Pulling the gloves up.

Throw them in the body. I'm handing you. I'm like, I do not envy you. Just like walking away. I made a real nest in there. I'm sorry. I zoned out 20 minutes. Brain fart.

I'm almost positive I didn't wear a watch to work today But if you find one You know so much Like I don't know about you But I think of doctors as like Almost the like

Supernaturally Talented and proficient And responsible Because it almost seems like the two go hand in hand It's like you didn't go through Eight years of medical school And get your degree before that And then do well enough

In high school to pay for all this shit Just to be a lazy bum who leaves a sponge in my mom right but it turns out yeah they'll leave a sponge in your mom they'll forget a pair of forcips in your dad and they do it a lot do you think it's common i don't think it's common i don't know specifically leaving stuff in there is it a medical malpractice the third leading cause of death in the country behind like heart disease and smoking or cancer that medical malpractice has a good for you that's a lot being sterile enough no yeah it's like anything that like the doctor or nurse was supposed to be doing that they didn't do so it's like

yeah a lot to get right to be perfect there i don't know i i have benefited from doctors more than most and i i like look at my doctor and i'm like dude the only reason any of my arms or legs work right now is this guy and he does this every day like how much has my community benefited from his birth like it's huge and uh heck my wife she got into a motorcycle accident too my uh hobbies are contagious and like the only reason her shoulder looks like a human shoulder right now is his practice we get a different doctor do it anyway they are heroes to me and the good they do in this world is hard to measure but not the marines just so we're clear not heroes no they what about Marine doctors?

Well, now you're running me over. Or is that like a double negative? It cancels out. Who's to say? If you heard there was a surgeon on board, would you sit in your seat on the flight and let him go first? No.

He's not going to surgery. He's flying back to back home. Exactly, exactly. But you would for a Marine who had to tend to... Only because they make me. When I walk through and like quickly open and close my wallet and say special agent,

they don't let me I'm all right you got me I'm not a special agent but I do have a gun they let soldiers go on the plane first they still do that yeah like if there's any around

they're like pre-boarding and any active service members some airlines still do I would want to get I'd much rather get off first and get on first getting on first is way overrated first class gets on first

for sure first like it's not a big deal to me unless I'm going to start my free drinks and get drunk early on the flight. Like, that's the only time I might care. But otherwise, I'd pay way much more money to get off first. I mostly fly first class. And I'd rather get on last because in first class, like, we have our own baggage compartment.

There's plenty of room for my carry on. It's not a problem. But if I was in coach, I'd like to get on first so that my bag doesn't get checked. And then I've got a whole ordeal on the other side. That is the worst when you're like. like the last person on a packed flight and they start like given that warning as you're like coming down the the runway and like you know we're running out overhead space folks and it's like ah hopefully i can make it turn around no one and i have to get it to some guy

who's gonna like in my head like sternly throw it over the side as soon as i'm out of out of vision i was on coach and i was like training bazaian jitsu like you know four times a week at the time and i'm thinking i'm like captain tough guy and i go to my seat and some guy has his carry on and his suit laid out across the overhead baggage like nice and he clearly doesn't want it to be wrinkled or anything and I see that and I'm like oh no no you can not have this whole overhead cabinet meant for like the six of us to yourself so I just take my luggage and I push it in and I smush his suit up against the back and he's like whoa whoa my suit's there and I said, yeah, I saw it.

Yeah, it's nice suit. I like to imagine half-empty flight, lots of other. Like ball it up for me. Yeah, I don't know if that makes me a dick, or maybe I just responded appropriately to the dick. Yeah, well, sir, your suit's no more important than my Ziploc bags full of cat pee. no out of that why did you ask

what kind of self-important asshole spreads his suit out across coach get the fuck out of here yeah that's rude like if he knew he was bringing a suit get one of those tri-fold suitcases like a literal suitcase like that's why it's there this wasn't even if it was in a bag it was no more than like a dry cleaner bag like it was just laid out in the flat yeah that guy's in the wrong douchebag move

I hate I've never had to check my carry on before at that moment, usually because I do first class unless it's just a really short flight, but that bag isn't packed to be checked. That bag is full of like expensive, like, there's a laptop in that bag. There's probably memory cards or cameras

or like valuable things. Like I've probably got like cash in there or something. I don't want you to take this away. This is the stuff that I wanted to keep with me and protect and make sure nobody looked at or touched. Like this is my shit. I hate when they try to do that. But, you know, I got to,

you can never get upset on a flight or at the airport because 9-11 never forget and they know you can't get upset you have to be a fucking Vulcan at the airport you have to do oh I see you've you've assaulted me well I wish you hadn't anyway well that guy on the golf card gets here in nine minutes I'm going to tell him what's up what I'm going to tell on you so yeah you see what happens when people get like a little agitated now you're on some no fly list you can't you can never fly with american airlines again like they're serious about that shit it would suck so bad to get banned from an airline like your regional airline delta banned me like they're probably like 70% of total flights in and out of my

state like like it would be a problem i could still get flights but it when i went when i go to book a delta flight it's like you want to go at 7 730 745 or 8 and it's like that it's like around the clock in like 30 minute intervals to every location on the planet. It's great to fly with Delta. If I get banned from Delta, it would really suck. I wish Raleigh was a hub.

Raleigh, it used to be a hub. That airline went out of business around 9, like after 9-11. And now we're just why? Fewer people were flying post-9-11. This is going to shock you. That was real!

Every now and then you see like a young person, like, realized that, like, the Titanic really happened for the first time. They thought it was just a movie their whole lives, or, uh, or Pearl Harbor even. Like, there's some some, yeah, yeah, dropping the ball. That happened. Oh, my God. I think, uh, your theory about the airport, like, employees being brooder because they know you can't get mad has also become the attitude of a lot of the restaurant servers and people within the terminal, because I have received orders of chicken wings from locales within terminals on layovers where like if I were at TGI Fridays and they gave me that identical plate of wings like I would have had a French

revolution style freak out for how bad the fucking food is there but they know you can't get mad about anything you can't complain about food you can't throw a tantrum and it would be fun to go hog wild and throw a tantrum in the airport you ever see the video of that former NFL player beating the shit out of the guy who weighs your bags at American Airlines? No, I want to see it, though. You don't remember who it was? It's kind of chopped up because it's not the raw footage, but they got into a thing,

and I think the white guy hit first, and then he got shalak. Dude was bleeding out of his face all over baggage. It was great. Airline employees are just TSA, is what I should say. Although I've had, whoever searches your fucking bag,

which I think is TSA, fuck those people. They steal. and they and if nothing else when I pack my my my uh my checked bag I do it in such a way that things that are semi fragile or like protected like I'll wrap them up in pajamas and stuff or maybe even a towel like I put tripods and I fly with this whole setup if I go somewhere so like this gets checked and like the sound mixer gets checked and there's keyboards and mice and everything's wrapped up carefully with like clothes so it's like a shock absorbing thing

and they just unwrap all that shit and throw it back in there loose and then they stole my belts that one trip. I had, I think I, I think I, I was wearing that one. Oh, okay. Thank God. All right.

But I think, I don't think I owned at the time, but I think I owned three belts in the world and packed two of them, a brown one and a black one, so I could wear my, like, whatever, whatever my brown thing was. They stole them both. And I think I had like a formal thing to do when I got there.

was like, can we stop by like J.C. Penny or something on the way? What dochebags? Why would they steal my belts? They weren't nice belts. They were fucking from Belk. Some guy forgot his belt that day. And he's like, thank God. But I would always, they leave that little note behind that's like, hey, we went through your shit. And it's, I'd rather you didn't. And I just thought that this was handled poorly. Yeah. You had your grubby hands touching all my stuff. I have like smuggled stuff back from flights before, like we before, from Colorado in my, in my baggage. And they never found any of that.

So they're doing a shit job. Are you allowed to do that? No. It's frowned upon. Yeah. Yeah. Why am I asking? Yeah.

I know, I guess I knew internationally you couldn't, couldn't. They're never going to get you because I've like, I've done that accidentally more times than I have purposefully, where it's like, I'll get home and unpack. And it'll be like, oh, well, there's a weed cartridge in here. Oh, yeah. A weak garbage? Some gummies that like I didn't. They're like as hard as a sidewalk chalk now. They've been in there so long.

I have smuggled so many knives in my carry-on. I thought they didn't care. And then I lost one. I was like, oh, well, that sucks. But whatevs? You know, one in ten times I lose it.

And then I lost like two knives in a row. And I was like, well, fuck, this is a bad deal for me. Now I don't do it. I had a cigar lighter one time and they were going to confiscate it. going through security.

And the guy was like, you know, I smoke cigars. I know that lighter. Let's, let's, can I remove the butane from it? And I'm like,

of course. And he like bled it of butane and then I could bring it with me. Um, but I've seen them. I remember when Epic Mealtime came to my house, they accidentally packed one of my knives in their, uh,

in their carry on. And, uh, it was a giant Rambo knife. Yeah, that they took on the, on the plane. And it was wrapped up in,

in like electrical cords, so it must have masked the x-ray. And then when Muscle's glasses got back home, he went to, like, reach in and grab, and he cut the shit out of himself on my Rambo knife. Pretty sure he stole my knife. Did he know it was in there? Pretty sure he stole it, yeah. Oh, so he got what was coming.

He ganked your family. That's how I look at it, frankly. I, you know, I never mentioned. Well, there's an easy way to tell. Did you give him the knife? Nope. Then he took it. It sure did.

Who would go to your house and just, just aside from Jeremy, just take things because they wanted them. I had a lot of, I, what, honestly, rude? More than rude. Yeah, it is. I don't, I think it's gosh. I almost understand it a little bit because, like, you ever look at like a billion? I heard this guy on a podcast and he's like, he's like, I got a friend who's a billionaire, and not one or two. I asked him one time, hey man, how about you give me one?

He's like one what one million dollars Why just give me one and he's like well do you have a plan or do you have like some idea of what you want to do No just fucking give it to me you won't miss it like I can understand that mindset of just telling someone hey you've got plenty give me one So like I'm sure you came my house and I was sponsored by SOG at the time And you just wanted one. It'd be like yeah Okay yeah I had a giant pile of of knives and and so he probably was I won't miss that one and I didn't I didn't miss it You know it was but it was either him or the ATF walking away we your shit in the long run.

Somebody was going to get it, you know? Might as well be able to get glasses. But at least he gashed himself up something fierce. Yeah. Maybe he forgot he robbed from you and took your knife. Perhaps. Otherwise, like if I had a luggage bag,

if I had luggage full of knives, I wouldn't reach in like it's a video game inventory. Like I'd look. Like, oh yeah, that giant knife I stole from the guy pretending to be Russian that led us into his. that's funny after they left were you like where's my

cool knife no I would have never missed it because I had like I was sponsored by that company so I just had lots of knives you know I that wasn't my only one yeah but it was the big one it was like bigger than the one you have and oh I thought it was the same okay now

this was like halfway to machete mode and it was stainless steel it was shiny um so it was a it was just a I think we used it in the video It's the one I broke. I like broke a glass bottle with it and then scooped mashed potatoes with the broken bottle and ate them. It was that knife. Yeah.

I broke the case to that knife. It was a strapped onto my motorcycle wound, one of my crashes, off road. And the strapping ripped off. Bummer. That's a shame. You haven't gone any motorcycle trips lately. Do you have any adventures planned for any time in the future? I don't have anything planned.

I get asked that a lot and I feel like I'm supposed to like, oh my God, I guess I need an 8,000 mile off road trip. No, it's like whatever floats your boat is what you should be doing. You've got lots of hobbies. I never like when somebody sees somebody who's 40 or 50 years old. They're like, oh, midlife crisis.

I was like, no, it's a new fucking hobby. Like, you never picked up pickleball? Like, what's your problem, dude? Dude, I've been mid-life-cricing since I was eight years old.

like this isn't new for me Pickleball wouldn't be a good activity for you Woody the the risk is far too low you would be like you'd hit it like three times you're like this is fucking gay I'm gonna go fly around while you homos hit this ball back and forth but if you're looking for something to do it's easy and still get some exercise it's

it's such a so I sent this leak it's from Mike Tyson's Twitter and it seems to be suggesting that he has signed about agreement to fight Floyd Mayweather Kind of not interested Me either I genuinely could not care less Of course it would be just the funniest day ever

If Mike Tyson knocked him out But he's not he can't touch him Like Mike Tyson can't touch Floyd Mayweather Isn't Floyd much smaller? I know Tyson's way older right Yeah Floyd's smaller Younger and faster And very much retired himself

It's just a bunch of over the hill former greats who are going to pretend to fight and have a multi-million dollar payday and i'm like you won't get my money no yeah no i am way more interested in islam makachev taking on um uh what's his name for uh the the uh 170 pound yeah 170 pound belt i forget that other guy's name it's the guy with the awfully broken nose uh it's like our He's got an acronym for his name. I don't know him very well. But I love the idea of him stepping up and going to 170.

Because it's not like, oftentimes when people are going up a weight class to compete, it's because they're not quite able to cut it where they started. Like Connor was too big for 145, even though he was champ. And a lot of other guys who have went from 145 to 155. That's what's up. But this just seems like Islam wants to climb a bigger mountain. That's his name. I'll let you pronounce it.

Jack Dela Medellino. Jack Della. I like that. Okay. You used all the letters. That's not why. I think they call him JDM. That's how I always hear.

Jackie A or Jackie D. Sometimes I pronounce it then afterwards. It's like, huh, why did I choose two thirds of the letters in that word? I can't be it. Oh, are you up to date on Star Trek?

Did you watch the four and a half? Vulcan's episode or whatever. I did watch it. I'm doing my best to imitate the hair. Dude, I really enjoyed that episode. I went online and I saw fans hated it. I loved that shit. I loved all the awkward moments with Spock. I really like Captain Pike's hair. I'm, me and my girlfriend talk about his hair all the time. She's like, I think it's taller than before. Like, not just in the Vulcan episode because it was. It was crazy tall. But just episode by episode, she's like, man, they're all about this guy's hair. I'm inspired. I don't know. know when I'm going to stop. I can get this shit six inches tall. Do it, dude. Do the layering he does.

This is an aggressive quaff. It's, I, can we get a picture of Pike as a Vulcan? Yeah, if you type Vulcan Pike hair, you'll get it, you get it, uh, going. I really, suggestions when I typed Captain Pike in on Google, like hair was like seven down. Yeah, it, that was a really good episode. I like, I like, I like that show a ton. I like that it's the old gin stuff, but it's with a new, quirky kind of style. I like the comedy in the show. I like the awkwardness of Spock. I've been vested.

Give me time. Give me another month. I can get there. That is thick. Look at that. Hell yeah. No. To me,

that was a wink and a nod to how silly his hair's been all season. Like we just turned it up to 10. I like the episode too. Jackie and I agreed it was our favorite episode this season we think this season hasn't been as good as previous ones but we like it

we just went from love to like vanilla eyes they'll do that to me all right good shaving eyebrow like anyone you can cut a couple lines in your eyebrow I'm going to do that sometime and it'll be like

the Hawaiian shirt thing where where no one addresses it and then the next week Kyle you have to do it When I was in high school, they shaved one of my friends's eyebrows. And then the next morning I was like, bro, what's with your eyebrow? And he's like, fuck you. And I was like, I don't understand.

And he thought that I was one of the perpetrators, but I wasn't. And I was like, I don't know that a blue ballpoint pen was the way to fill that in. Because he had gaps in it. And he's like, yeah, it was. wasn't a sober decision. Yeah, because they gave him like the vanilla ice vertical slices on the eyebrow. Oh, I thought he went all the way off with it. No, no.

I put a Band-Aid up there if you shaved it all the way off. People look ghoulish without eyebrows. I would just go both off. No. Because then they would go back in the concert. Oh, I see, you don't have eyebrows. If we did this bit, I'd be having to reshave every week. One of my friends, he's the one that died with cystic fibrosis and the lung

thing but um i wasn't a part of this either but they shaved his pubs when he was overly drunk and uh i was like dude they shaved your we sucked his cock too it was great we really showed him he's so he's like yeah and then he pulls his pants down like to show his dick root almost there was a lot of bush left i'm like what what was it like before they did you a favor how did you find it before this that's such a weird thing to that's the sleepover if a friend had broached that and been like yo brent's asleep let's shave his pubes it's like i'm having a good time on cod five right now how about this man how about you leave me alone right now and i don't tell brent that you're

faggot. Newsflash, I'm going to tell him. Which means you're my beer boy, the rest of the night, my beer and joint boy. Yeah, the last thing I was ever on, I was never on either side of like the, you know, too drunk and like getting abused in your sleep. I do remember, I've said this before, but I went to New York, same guy, Phil, and he had a whole new friendship group now because he had gone to college and joined a fraternity. and it was like late at night and his frat brothers were like fucking with me and I'm like I don't know what to do I'm like starting to fight and he's like no no no no no no no no don't do that he's not like us he's nice he's not involved in this whole nighttime abuse thing and his frat brothers are just okay okay I didn't know so that's all that ever happened I remember like I didn't uh I wasn't there that night but it was my younger brother's friend group and they were at a

mutual friend of ours and they were all getting wasted this end of their high school years and one of their friends took like i don't think this was early not no one knew that he was taking these like prescription pills that basically make it so you have three beers three light beers on these pills and it's as though you're like blackout pass out drunk and they like drew they must have used like three sharp because there sent me pictures of it i wish i had it but uh they drew like solid black sharpy like pirate the whole face like a pirate beard a like totally blacked out pirate eye patch on one of his eyes and he woke up and like it it was like apparently the better part of a week that he just was rocking a pirate look and I was like I was like all right

I get you guys kind of like tease on this guy but like making that decision for him for a whole week like that's that's awful I would be so embarrassed I'd be like I can't go to school I can't go to any social outing because I still have like a dark enough gray on my entire eyelid and a strap that goes across my face and a fake beard that was just I've never done the the fuck with people with Sharpie while they're asleep just too mean it's too

the cost is too long I don't think I was I was never in a lot of opportunities where I was that was an opportunity but still I wouldn't have done that to somebody I would feel yeah to me look maybe I'm just not a good friend but I think it's the opposite I don't I wouldn't laugh about that the next day we'd fight like we'd have a real fight and I'm going to hit you first right now the way you find out about the fight is when it has begun like that's what's going to happen I'm on a blindside you and try to hurt you really really bad you know when the story comes up at school they'll say oh who drew the dick on Kyle's face and they're like Mark

we hope he's going to be okay I want that to be the story not what happened to me you piece of shit I hate people fucking with you want to sleep that seems like a real easy way to get on the like on the sex offender list without even having the fun you know what I mean like yeah I don't know why I don't know why it's such a common thing at least in my like childhood it was I didn't do it I swear in Hollywood it's very common and the Sopranos episode when AJ comes back with no

eyebrows. He's like, fucking weird gay shit. Poppers and shit. What are you been doing, boy? He shaved his eyebrows off and he looks so weird. Like, we need eyebrows to be people. You do. You need to a moat. Hey, who.

You guys. Sorry, Woody shots. We need eyebrows and Taylor's like, yeah, eyebrows are real important. I'm over here looking like this. The guy had a wheelchair over there. Me and Taylor were like, man, if I couldn't dance every day, I just kill myself. It's dancing and walking on the beach.

You take that out of the equation and what's life about and what he's ever there's wheeling away. Fuck the shit. He like, he wheels locked up. I'm being bullied. You can fix those, though. That's like the,

that's not a big deal. You could draw them in a little bit or you could actually. Sorry, I didn't mean it's speed racers. You could get implants. Like, can't you put like, it's like you. I don't know. Someone asked me about it on the mail money. I don't use hair systems, but they put like lots of small hairs in there and it just makes

what you have sort of look more filled out. Does this sound right? Well, they could do like a follicular transplant. They could pluck some. Oh, well, you're going hardcore. I would just getting ready for showtime. No, just put the cubes in there. You know, like you got plenty of those, like pluck those out, stick them up here. That doesn't grow the same as head. You have to straighten your eyebrows every day. You know, you don't want them to be all curly queue up there looking like, you know, you got pubs on your head. Dude, sometimes I'll go so long. without trimming my eyebrows that I'll like be sitting watching TV or doing something and be like oh man I got another itch on the top of my eyelid I got another it's on the top of my what's

what's going on I go check and I've got like an old man just gigantic like it's almost it's almost a beard hair length just poking into my eye area there's a hair powder people use I've seen that's where they like dusted on but I think you have to be super duper careful because it'll come off so like you probably can't swim with that you can't be out in too much winds I would guess. Show eyebrow filling in. That's, it's nothing weird. If you do it, go

go hard. Dude, I want to be someone like a Vulcan for Halloween or something. You let me know when you'll do the eyebrows and I'll show it with eyebrows too. Mine will go up here though. Like he does every other week.

I have one eyebrow just a half over each. you're going to have like those groucho marks like two mustaches over your eyes that's too much that's too much well don't feel too down

I can see your eyebrows just fine if you look carefully yeah it's better than would you guys rather just go bald on your head or get alopecia so it's taken care of everywhere I'm on the head

I've heard people say that they have like replacement eyebrows and stuff you can do Matt do now well you're gluing a thing onto your face but yeah I think I consider like this thing because I was like actually that most of my other body hair is not that desirable it's kind of like one step

forward one step back but the eyebrows would be a major loss that's true if it wasn't if you could lose everything but face hair I think I would prefer that to just going bald but if I lost I couldn't I'd rather go bald than not be able to have a beard that would be What do you have this?

Oh, that's the mustache. Yeah, I got me a little fake mustache here. Pop it on. Let's see how you look. Well, you got to glue this bitch on. Is it going to be, is it going to be pedophile or swashbuckler? I got to get it out of the bag. More of a cop.

I like the cop. Look. I rip that open. Straight from a Vietnamese sweatshop to you. I have like half a dozen knives without leaving this chair. Kyle has costumes. I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed blades.

Oh, hang on. You can even turn it upside down for a bit more whimsy. You look like you're about to beat your wife. No, I think, yeah, off, maybe in... Maybe this would be. Ah, Wadio! A little bit of that. I think I got to glue it on.

I'll glue it on it. Whenever Woody comes with fake eyebrows, I'll come by my fake mustache. I bought that on Amazon because I was very, very high. What kind of fake hair should I buy? A false beard. How about a whole? If you shut up with a fake beard on top of your beard.

Get the Jewish like twirley. All right. So they make hats that come with the Jewish sideburns that are all twirley. I've been thinking about getting one of these. So they make these redneck hats that come with like a full blonde mullet that attaches. The shirt's the hat says like Merricka and then it comes with all this stringy blonde hair that's attached to the hat in the back. You're like that.

Yeah. If they have a darker-haired one, I'd get that. I couldn't pull off the blonde. People would know it was fake. Yeah, I wouldn't want that. No. I did see right through it. Right through the illusion.

Yeah. I don't think... Did you buy hair powder to thicken hair for $9 on Amazon? All right, this is a go. Okay. I mean, just so we're clear, when we say thicken hair, it makes the, it makes your hair appear to be thicker. It's not going to literally,

really thick in your hair. You ever see Michael Scott season one and two? Like, like, they're doing that. I'm aware. I just feel like fake having like luscious eyebrows

one night is funny. Like, actually treating it, I feel like, is somehow insecurity. I don't know why it vibes that way in my brain. Well, I mean, it's like, I don't see any difference than like, I don't know. I mean, your eyebrows are falling out. Maybe you should, you

You know, you could, if you don't like that, you could fix me. Are they falling? I'm going to look at some old footage of me. I doubt you're rubbing them off or anything. On these videos. I see what you made. I think I've just not gifted with eyebrows, really. My dad's lost his eyebrows as he's gotten older.

Like, he used to have more eyebrows and he has fewer eyebrows now. Oh, this isn't like adding. No. This is like a voluminous powder because I saw the guy poured out and it's like white. and he's like rubbing it into his hair to make it appear more voluminous than it is. I was picturing those like tiny little

like almost hair flex where guys with really short hair almost dump it on like sprinkles on a cupcake. Yeah, I don't think you've really, even lost eyebrows. I don't think you've lost eyebrows. You just, yeah,

we're boring about them. It's just a closer up picture with better lighting for it than the like top down camera one. And if you're working, great about it. These gentlemen online seem to have found a powdery solution. Does this make you appreciate your eyebrows more, Taylor? Seeing the other side?

I guess. I've got a little too much brow. Like this one especially, I have to trim it pretty regularly, or it just grows up, it does its own thing. Some of these get so long, it's bananas, where I'll pull it out and I can touch, like, my glass on the glass. And you fix your teeth. I forget how much better your teeth are now. Like you had that little crooked one in the bottom. in that last photo and of course your teeth are now perfect that was something I never once noticed

until you pointed it out by the way you're not thinking of me are you I had the crooked one in the bottom you had the crooked I was speaking to you oh I'm sorry I was looking at a 15 year old video of me and my eyebrows were also half back then so I'm just bored in this way Zach showed another photo of you at your desk as you are now but maybe a decade ago

and you had the tooth thing just a little bit showing and then I look at you now and it's like perfect yeah oh yeah See, so is it so different, or am I receding eyebrows? I don't know. That's just a different, like, composition, like, because that looks similar to now. That's an old one, too, and also, like, if it's so slight, you can't really tell, like, then it basically didn't even. Well, I mean, you could have more eyebrows.

Just because you never had them doesn't mean you couldn't acquire them now. It's not too late. See, I think I'm just sort of. wired this way. Like it, it's almost like they don't go all the way across. Jackie has makeup that does this. She has, like, eyebrow, like filling pencils.

Like, she can totally look you up. Yeah, hair system on the way. I've, I've invested $9.99 in this already. Sick. Oh, never mind. Like, it went till next week when you show up and your eyes are just blood red and you're like the power didn't work.

It was a spray bottle. I know you don't watch. It's always sunny much. anymore, but like the newest season, there's an episode where, without getting too deep in the bit, Charlie's entire head gets shaved, and then the next night, it needs to be not shaved. And, of course, it was a bald cap the first night. But in show, the next night, he's got a wig on. And he's like, wow, Dennis, you did an amazing job with this.

You can't even tell. And of course you can't, because it's his real hair. And he's like, do you wear a wig or something? He's like, of course I don't wear a wig. And he goes to touch Dennis's head. He goes, don't touch me! like he's clearly wearing a wig. That episode was really good.

It's basically Frank is on one of those Bachelor shows called The Golden Bachelor, where it's old gals. He doesn't find that out until he gets there. And because of that, there's going to be an episode where he goes back and meets his family for the show. So the gang all presumes they're all going to be on the Bachelor.

But so they want to like audience test how they're going to present themselves when they get on the show so they have like a mock dinner party every night with a studio audience in their apartment rating them like each of their characters that they brought

and Dennis keeps getting notes that he looks old and he's annoying so he keeps using more and more tape to like pull his face up until he looks Vulcan and Asian at the same time it was really funny it was the funniest episode in a while Although the season premiere, I think, with the ambulance.

Did you see the ambulance episode where Mag and Dennis? The first four, and none of them really, I didn't think any of them were particularly. You didn't like the ambulance microdosing peppers episode? No, I thought that was really dumb. I liked that a ton. And they spent money on like a huge ambulance crash, which is out of the way for them. But I really like the dinner party episode where they're, again, they're like audience testing characters for themselves when they go to Frank's dinner party. Have you seen the jokes on social media where it's?

show like Ryan Reynolds and Rob Mclaney and Rob Mac now and all the comments are like I don't I think that Rob might be the oldest person to have ever been groomed like Ryan Reynolds every single year and he's like clearly kind of latched on to him with the the fucking you know Lester Broncos or whatever soccer team they on together which I don't even know it's a good soccer team

I'm going to be a shitty fucking team. I know that they've become like incredibly wealthy. The two of them, Ryan Reynolds does Mint Mobile. He has his own telecom company somehow. And it's it. He owns Mint Mobile? My understanding is he owns it and he does the ads for it. And it's his thing.

They use T-Mobile's towers and, yeah, he owns it. It's why I use Mint Mobile. It's cheap. I switched to Mint Mobile. I was using GoogleFi for the longest time. And Mint was like considerably. cheaper for all the same Mint Mobile is the same

as if someone I'm like what network are you on and they're like cricket wireless like that's true or like if I asked you and you were like I'm on Mint mobile I'd be like you know what Kyle it's gonna turn around

gonna turn around for you buddy I know you're just dialing up a lot of prospects on your jitterbug with the giant fucking help boxes? Yeah. You can't. No, but like, I don't see any advantage to go into any, like, more expensive carrier when it's the same exact coverage. It's T-Mobile T-Mobile Towers. What else do you? And some people might say, oh, but I like my carrier has partnerships with, with other, uh, or other

things you get discounts on. So does it. Like, I get like, um, I think my peacock is free now, like that channel that I usually pay for every month. That alone almost pays for, makes my phone free, just that I don't have to pay for that. description anymore. I wanted to ask you because my girlfriend wanted to watch this show on Paramount Plus so she like got the three month or one month like trial thing and this is the the worst and I checked online. It's not just me experiencing this. This is the worst streaming service I've ever used. It randomly dies. It stops. It pauses. It freezes. It won't move like on my remote. And over and over, I'll be like, this is clearly my Samsung TV and my Samsung smart TV.

and I like... You have the same TV. Yeah. I think we do. I had the identical TV. Yeah, exactly. And I'll go back. I'll be like, man, my TV, maybe I need a new one.

And then I'll like, to try and force close the app, I open up the menu. I'll go over to Netflix or Hulu, open that to force the other to close. And then Hulu, Netflix, they're all working totally normal, just fine, back out, go back to Paramount. Shit sucks. I don't know what that's about. I don't, I would not use this service. I don't have that experience. I have Paramount.

I did. It's always worked perfectly for me, except it had ads. Yeah. And I'm, I. subscription services with ads are no go for me. You may have a higher level of subscription. I definitely pay for no ads.

They all have, everybody has a tiered system now. The problem is... Does Netflix have ads? Yeah, not if you pay. There's no free Netflix, but you're saying this higher. There used to be like a cheap,

I mean, if you pay for it, you've removed ads. There used to be a cheap version of Netflix that had ads, I thought. I know that on Amazon, I had to pay three more, even though I'm prime, I had to pay three more dollars a month to remove ads from that. And Paramount does do ads, but the ads are pre-rolls for other Paramount products

that are instantly skipable. So a lot of times I'm like, oh, a new Star Trek animated thing's coming out. I'm glad you showed me an ad. I'm watching Star Trek, advertise me Star Trek. I'm happy to see it.

But sometimes it'll be for some new movie they're making. They're making the Call of Duty movie, if you hadn't heard. And you can just skip. and it's not like a delay. It doesn't send you to another ad. Like, it's a, it's a skippable ad for stuff within the app that you're paying for. I appreciate being notified. Dude, I have seen a commercial about how to handle your moderate to severe eczema using Rinvoke 50,000 times on any side effects?

Dude, it was, it's true. Say it really quickly. It's so funny. Like the entire beginning of the ad is like pharmaceuticals, people like smiling, like a multiracial group having a picnic. And then the next 40 seconds is like some of the most timenaric style side effects you can imagine. It's like may cause loose bowels. May cause very tight bowels. May cause exhaustion. May cause hyperactivity. Could result in moderate to severe liver damage.

Cancer has been found to occur in, you know, low numbers of patients. Like the, and it's for like people who are like, now that I'm on this pill risking my life actively, my moderate eczema on my elbows isn't as itch. and it's like this is this is not a good tradeoff folks like maybe a cream would be done here Tim and Eric is a comedy duo right yes yeah I was like Tim and Eric his vocabulary is ridiculous I've never even heard that word a Tim and Eric style comedy yeah old Tim and Eric was very very funny oh so the okay so this is breaking news so the Cowboys eagle game currently the Cowboys have 20 Eagles have 24 The game has been delayed for weather.

For weather? Yes. Thursday night football game between the... It was suspended with four minutes and 44 seconds remaining in the third quarter due to inclement weather with lightning in the area of the field. The Eagles were leading 2420 when the game was suspended. So do they start from that point in like a week or something? I don't know.

I've never heard of this happening, so I don't know what suspended means. In school, it means you'd come back. in a few days and go back to learning. But I don't know when you suspend the game, does that mean, oh, that's it. It ends 24.20. I think it's like people are going to stay in the stadium. Based on this random result on Twitter, this reporter says that now they have to wait 30 minutes to see if they can play again. It's TBD on the Fox Sportsbacker.

But it might still be tonight, I think, is what they're saying. They're not like take the pads off and go home. I hope so. By the way, if, you know, we're done in a couple minutes here, they're streaming it in the Discord, like scum and all those guys. Oh, I just popped in. I said delayed. Geez, the Cowboys are clearly running scared. Just take your beating like men. Up by four. What he's always really mean about sports, he doesn't care about. I'm so invulnerable. Yeah. I like to think myself invulnerable sometimes, but the only sport I care about is how.

and Kyle knows that. And so he'll be like, the blues weren't even the best team that year. And I'm like, I'm not even bothered about it. It didn't even get to me. I couldn't talk about this for hours. It's a fluke of a cup.

And I think in the in the future, like, and ESPN documentaries, they'll be like, oh, of course, well, what they don't write in the history books

is that actually, and they'll spell out why these other teams were all better, but there was favoritism or bigotry, wouldn't or uh or or or there was some cheating maybe your guys were on peds maybe it'll turn out something like that maybe but our name's on the cup until they'll chisel it off you now we'll see so i'll be dead in the cold cold ground Trump will have the cup by then i don't know he's coming for this year how long is it stay on there like 30 years maybe i don't know when did the uh one of the

canadian team last win because they just came off right oh shit well then it's not that long that was 1993. So, okay, damn, I guess we got to get back on our horse and not suck anymore. Fuck, because we do suck. Just give up on them and pick a team that's good and be their fan. Like, I am a Chiefs fan. Yeah. I mean, I wish I gave

a fucking out the Chiefs outside of my guys. You can call me a bandwagon fan or whatever, but like, I like Patrick Mahomes and in terms and the Frogs. I haven't figured out which team I like I'm waiting for the playoffs. Yeah, I do like Patrick Mahomes. They're like, how'd you do that? How'd you defeat the best team in the league down by 20 in the end of the fourth quarter. He's like, well, that's a very interesting question.

You just had to work hard. It's also Jordan Peterson and a little bit of Ray Romano. You know, that's the enogamation. I like the Travis Kelsey thing. I think he's engaged to Mary Taylor Swift. I find that drama to be interesting. The off-the-field stuff is usually not my cup of tea. Unless it's like, I like seeing when people throw their careers away to be like gangsters. I find that hilarious. It's like, you almost made it out. You almost made it out. But you couldn't resist, can't you?

You couldn't. There's a basketball topic, and I think it might be even interesting to you guys. Kauai Leonard, when he joined the Clippers, was arguably the best player in the NBA. Oh, the gun guy. No, no, you're thinking of John Morant. Kauai Leonard's a different guy. And he won the chip with Toronto and the Clippers, owned by the richest. owner in basketball wanted Kauai Leonard on the team. Cool. Well, it just recently came out

that Kauai Leonard has a $28 million contract on the side for a no-show job, which gets in this organization, it's like a fake charity that Steve Balmer, the richest owner in the NBA, contributes to massively. Apparently, they're an environmental company that plants trees, but they don't really plant trees. They just pay Kauai Leonard for nothing. So he circumvented the salary cap brought in this guy by paying him $28 million outside of his basketball contract. And you might be like, well, can they prove that's why they did it? Yeah, yeah.

Well, there's literally no requirements for this job. He doesn't even have to endorse it. He doesn't have to say he'll. He doesn't have to do anything. All he has to do, this contract gets to. terminated if he stops playing for the Clippers. Oh, so he's got to keep playing. That seems skeeby.

I heard rumors LeBron might go to the Clippers. The Clippers, we're going to let Brony play or something, but I really don't follow basketball at all. So the Lakers, where LeBron currently plays, picked up this guy, Luca. He's a very good European player. And he looks like the future of the Lakers, and LeBron's looking like the past of the Lakers. although still a top 10, top 15 player in the world. But paid like a top three player in the world, probably.

I'm not positive. But in any case, I feel like he'd got some sort of weird contract to get his son paid. And I'm just not sure of the details. In any case, yeah. So now LeBron's in win now in win now mode, but the Lakers are in kind of build around Luca mode. And that's not a fit. So he's looking at other teams that might want to win right now.

the clippers would be a fit. If I'm Bronny James, I'm like, look, that it's clear that I'm not going to cut it. Let's wrap up a season. Let's have me be an NBA player, technically speaking, and then I'm going to need you to open, forget that school full of gangbangers you've got. I'm going to open up a basketball academy, all right? And I'm going to instruct there, right? You'll come, you'll come in, you'll do like a two-week seminar at the beginning and the end of the year, and I'll instruct, I'll be one of the instructors, and that way I'll collect a check for the rest of my life and I'll be in the world of basketball and we can work together a little let's do that not fucking sweat your balls off to be the 18th how many teams are on a roster in the NBA to be

be the worst team on the roster however many oh teams how many people are on a team yeah i want to say he's 12 yeah he's the 13th worst player on the team like fucking that's that's that's that's where he should be like clearly right like if he was going to do it he'd have done it like i don't know basketball well enough. There's a couple things that make him hard to measure. Like whenever they do Summer League or like the other players trying to crack into the NBA, Brony looks amazing. That's his son's name Brownie. So he'd be the kind of guy who cracks in the NBA. But then on the other hand, he's not a star. So what you want is someone who's like really good on defense or really good at just like catching and shooting. And he's playing like a star in a lesser league. So is he

good or not, I don't know. And it's hard to measure his college performance because the year before he had like some sort of heart attack or something, which is not an ongoing concern, but it impacted his first, his only year in college, which so he almost didn't have that. Who's the good of guess as any. Yeah, right? Why? Were there a lot of them happening at the time? I'm the worst scout and the worst general manager to have ever lived in every sport. Jerry Jones. better than me so I don't know if he fits

but I know that he's not like too far off NBA caliber I think people ride him a little extra hard because he's a nepo baby but he's also right there that's my understanding of it that he's on the cusp but best case scenario he's going to be a workhorse coming off the bench for three minutes a game right

like he's never going to be like have his own shoe he's never going to be like a part of your the big three for your team will never include Bronny James he's never going to be the guy or even one of the guys he's going to be a guy who played in the NBA which would be wonderful for average Joe for anyone but him but it just so happens his dad is like in the goat

discussion he's either the second third or fourth best player of all time he's going to be a billionaire like go do a thing with that like you got the you got the silver spoon fucking use it what are you doing I feel like there's a morality issue almost when he's taking the opportunity from someone more deserving. Not just deserving, but more needing. They're in greater need of it.

Their family might require, like what, I don't know what the minimum salary is, but let's say it's $300,000. Like, oh my God, you could change somebody's life who also will never be what, you know, the guy. But 300,000 to you is bullshit money. $300,000 to you is nothing. That's how much his car cost? Yeah, sure, probably. Why not? I don't know how LeBron spends his money

but he's got oodles and boodles of it and he's so young now if he follows that Michael Jordan path and just keeps it up with the endorsements and the money making like my God Jordan's a billionaire I think I think so too LeBron is also but yeah I think Jordan's a multi-billioner

he's already a billionaire like it's only going to get better he's going to add a second number right it's not like their living expenses are going to really crack that like whittle that billion down like you should be fine imagine that imagine you just have a 10% return and you make like you have to get by on a hundred million to not touch your principal yeah yeah yeah I could live on a hundred million a year it's not even general wealth anymore it's it's like you're you're a small country you know you do anything you want so why are you sweating on a basketball court you'd have to really love that game and I don't know like it's got to do something with your time again start by basketball academy oh I'll be just like live your life

get piles of pussy and drive beautiful cars and occasionally go to space with Jeff Bezos Bezos and like have a castle in every country on the planet if you want. You're a billionaire with a bee and your dad is one of the most famous and recognizable men on the planet. Who's beloved everywhere? I bet if he walks around in China, they suck his dick. I bet he can go anywhere. It doesn't matter where LeBron goes. One of the reasons I like LeBron. So LeBron was born to a poor family, single mother. He's that. Like, he's from a bad part of Akron, Ohio, which is like a failing city. He had nothing given to him except his genetics.

And now he's 40. He's a billionaire. And there are virtually no scandals. Some people don't like his political takes. And his hair. And his hair. But like, in terms of like actually being a good man versus a bad one, you have no LeBron stories.

Nope. And I think that's pretty cool. A bit of flopping. There's no, uh, there's no hotel, uh, employees claiming rape or anything right right he never beat anyone up although he could beat up almost everybody you know he he's just yeah no cobi events right right the hotel employee yeah that's the lady he raped no i didn't fully put that together yeah you go into nba circle jerk and they're always posting his autopsy photos they're mean as shit over there yeah oh yeah it's NBA circle jerk

it's it's part they like to talk about carl malone a lot too him i'm here for that oh yeah car malone loved him oh if any listener doesn't know car malone when he was in college raped consensually something this 13 year old girl and it's not hearsay because they had a baby and he was not a good father i believe he was 19 and she was 13 but maybe 12 when he impregnated her even you know it's about that all sounds right to me yeah the male man he delivered he did Jesus, what a monster. Yeah. Well, we should wrap. Yes, we should.

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