Painkiller Already - PKA 788 W/ Craig Slike: Being The Reality Show Villain

Episode Date: January 24, 2026

PCA 788 with our guest Craig Taylor. This episode of PKK is brought to you by Blue Chew, lock and load, and our wonderful merchandise. Craig, thank you for joining us today. My pleasure. Thanks for having me.

So Chiz gave us just the most wonderful dossier on you. And so many of these things that you've done, I don't peg you just looking at you as having done this. Like, like I don't see you. Like if I saw you at the grocery store, I wouldn't think, oh, that guy probably went streaking.

at a Padres game. I didn't go, I didn't go streaking. I did get arrested for public nudity, though. It could almost be worse. What happened? Well, I was the freshman year of college. I wanted to go to a Padres game. My buddies didn't want to go with me.

So I'm like, what if I get you dates? And I knew the two girls they were interested in. So I called him up. They said, yeah, sure, let's go. So the five of us went out there. I was the fifth wheel. And games kind of boring. had those dashboard protectors or on one side it says Padres on the second of the other side it said

need assistance send help and somebody a few aisles away from me ripped it up to say need ass send help so i ran over there i said hold it over my butt and he did and i dropped my pants and moomed and the cameraman saw and zoomed and then And it got on the Jumbotron, and the Jumbotron got on national TV. So a little while later. No, you never did you give it a spread or just to clear it. What was that? Did you give it like it?

It was tasteful. It was tasteful. And then the security guards can come and take me away. Everyone starts booing. I put my arms in the air. I'm like, yeah. They grabbed my wrist and cuff me behind my back, take me down to the dungeon. And they hold me down there for such a long time that this pre-cell phones.

So my friends didn't know what to do. They were just waiting for me out in the parking lot and the game's over. So the two couples ended up making out for the first time. And now both couples are married and seven kids between the two of them. Wow. And that's all because of you being ballsy and for some. them to come to a Padres game. That's right.

And so whenever I meet their kids, I'm like, you're welcome. The cop was like, you can either go downtown with me right now, we'll get this worked out, or you can sign this ticket to appear in court. I was like, I will sign that ticket, sir. And I get down there and they were, yeah, the judge just said, do you have? had some fun, didn't you? I was like, yeah? Did you drink? No. Oh, then you don't have an excuse, do you? Like, damn. That was a real Dumbledore style trick there. Yeah. No, I did not. And he's like, and for that reason, you're going to jail. That's crazy. I don't even think mooning should be a

crime in any, unless you spread. If you spread, that's an aggressive moon. But if it's just an Ace Ventura style, silly Billy Moon. Let's be adults about this. Yes. I'm pretty sure he came out of a rhino's ass entirely naked, right? Yes. Well, that wasn't moving, though.

That was being born out of a rhinos, rhino, a rhinos. Rhinocene. Double it down. Yeah, I've never, I've never mooned before. I forgot about this. One of my brother's friends. I wasn't in the car, but when they were in high school, I was already off to college.

They had this one friend who was a complete party animal lunatic. And now he's like a pastor or something. He really turned it around. He's doing really well. So shout out to him. But he was like hammered in like one of my friends' parents' SUVs that they weren't supposed to be driving late at night, whipping it around on like a winter break. It was like snow everywhere.

So there's no one on the road. And he was like, guys, I'm going to poop out of the window. And they were like, that's so funny. poop out the window, but it was on the highway. And so he just painted the side of my friend's mom's, like, Tahoe with diarrhea, with poop the whole way. And then, like, they didn't consider. But when he comes back in the car, they're like, oh, smells like shit in here because he has pooped upon himself. And now it's back in the car.

And so, like, they really didn't think it through. This wasn't a fully formulated plan from the start. There was nothing to gain. There was no potential. All he could do was lose, which is what he did. Unless you didn't like the person behind you. Yeah. It's like intense vengeance.

That's way worse than what you did. I've vomited out of a car window before. That was also messy. I mean, you were vomiting because you had to vomit. Yeah, it wasn't like for bunzies or anything. Yeah, obviously. Obviously, if you're about to vomit in my car, I want you to put it out the window. Your brother's friend was sick.

seems. Maybe he had no choice, but to go right now. I mean, sick in like kind of a radical way, but like, not, not. Not, not. Sort of hang loose kind of way. Not so much of the same guy where he, like, he got trashed one time and he's like, Hey, Luke, you hate your neighbor, right? And he's like, I mean, I wouldn't say hate. He was annoying to us once.

And he's like, give me a minute. He goes out there and he's like, I guess what did? And they're like, what? He's like, I proved all over his green electrical box. He's a one-trick pony. Is this the poop bandit from high school? Is this the same guy?

No, that was Mike. This is a guy named Drew. He was inspired. He was sort of a copycat killer. I'm one of the way of late Louis today. Of sorts. But yeah,

I wanted to talk about a couple of your other tales. One of them is Chis was like leading with like, he was on the mole. And in 2008, and that is a show I am not familiar with. Maybe Kyle is. Can you tell us a bit about that, how you got on it? Yeah, sure. I just went to an open audition. The mall is a kind of like a who done it style

reality show where there's a group of people that travel around do all these crazy missions. And when they accomplish the mission, they put money into a pot. And the winners at the end of the show gets that pot of money. Now, there's one person on the team who's secretly trying to keep money out of the pot and you got to figure out who that person is who's the saboteur, the mole, and you got to take a quiz at the end of each show. Whoever does the worst on the quiz gets kicked out, sent home. So, yeah, I was in there for the whole show. And you were the mole the whole time?

Yeah, I was the mole. Really? What kinds of things would you do to sabotage and get away with? Oh, well, on those kind of shows, like, Traders, is very little that you have to do as the mole. And it was like the producers would slip me little hints. So, say, our first mission was going over a waterfall in Chile on a raft in the middle of the night and a huge waterfall. So when we went over, we were attached to a bungee. and the only thing they told me was drop the bag.

And so I found out when I got there that I was going to be going over a waterfall and took my glasses off. I was like, is that it? No, is that it? Yeah. All right. Get my eye on there. Jumped off.

And then the thing like choked me. So I had to hold myself up while I swang to the other end and hit the other side of the cliff. But so I didn't put. money in the pot because I dropped the bag because I choked, but it hadn't a good excuse. So nobody was, uh, nobody thought of it. Nobody was too mad. Yeah. Well, that was my whole, um, that was my whole thing is I'm going to try as hard as I can.

I'm just going to barely miss putting money in the pot and people are going to love me for trying so hard and not be mad that I didn't. So you, you were just like, I bet I can Mr. Magoo the next six weeks. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was this?

I want to know more about this stunt, though. So you wrote a raft over a waterfall. Yeah. But then it wasn't survivable. So there was a bungee rigged up that you just bounced on in front of the waterfall. Yeah. Yeah. They had rigged a line going up.

The original idea was doing it with a helicopter bungee. But they couldn't get it to work. That's why we didn't do it until the middle of the night. Did anybody back out? Yeah, they would, we'd jump and then pull back up. So they had rigged a line that so he would fall down and then slide down the line to the other end. And then there was like a metal, an old rickety rusty metal ladder that went up the cliff. That you got you back up.

Did anyone back out of the stud or everybody did it? No, everybody did it. Yeah. Even the little old lady and even the people who were complaining, everybody did it. It was actually a lot of fun. Did you ever have to do something to maintain your mole status that was just like so retarded that beforehand you're like, oh man, I'm really going to have to play up the bumbling fool thing after this or they're going to know. There was a math issue that it was the answer was that it was a Fibonacci sequence. And I didn't, I wanted them to be able to put money into the pot because the previous were like, hey,

Pottslow, try to beef it up a little. And so I knew the answers, but I didn't want to take over. So I was feeding the answers to the guy who was putting in the answers. And he comes out of it thinking, I'm some kind of math genius. And I was walking him through it the whole time. Is there a big reveal at the end where you get to kind of come out and do the Kaiser-Sose walk and then be normal in front of them? They had like three doors.

It comes down to the top three, the mole, the winner, and the runner up. And then so they revealed us. They revealed, I think, the winner first, which was Mark. And then they revealed me. Then they revealed the runner up. I mean, it seems like you got the best position. Like the most fun position in that game show would be the mole.

Yeah. Have you ever seen The Traders? No, I haven't seen it. No, it's it's another reality TV show that's on Netflix. Actually, the mole started in 2000 in 2000. And the first host was Anderson Cooper in the first two seasons. And 2001 it was preempted because of 9-11. And then they. A lot of mold.

Yeah. Yeah. Then they'd had two celebrity. episodes or seasons, which are pretty amazing if you watch them. Just the craziest stuff. You can probably find them on YouTube. You can find my season on YouTube on the Mole 5 channel.

And, oh, yeah, and they brought mine back in 2008. And Netflix just brought, did two more seasons of it. And the first season was, I liked it. It's pretty good. season was even better. What do you get for being the mole? Oh, I got paid, but I just don't tell anybody how much I got paid. Okay. So did you get paid regardless of your success? Yes. I got played a flat fee, so whatever I did, because I think in other countries, they also, they had the show, and they changed the rules to be like the mole can keep whatever money they keep out of the pot.

Well, that's just someone who's not hiding that they're the mole. They're just trying to keep out as much as possible. So the fun of this one was trying to figure out who it was. It's a good concept for all sorts of reality show. Like, I would love to be on Survivor as the designated eater. Like the designated overeater. I'm always feasting. People are really upset by it.

Like, in the middle of night. People have lost 38 pounds and you packed on seven. It's like, I'm not going to stop lifting. because you guys are pussies. Like, I'm just eating all, lifting driftwood all day, eating their fucking rice rations. What about like the crazy like bugs or scorpions or stuff they got to eat sometimes or balut?

Yeah, the balut I would not do well. Those eggs, it's just such a horrible thing. That's where they almost let the egg become a bird. And then at the last second, they do like late term aboard it. A duck. Yeah. I don't like that. Eggs are funny.

better and bones and stuff. Yeah, there's still bones in there. I've had friends who have eaten it. Not, they didn't have a good review. No. No, that was like one guy once who waited too long to harvest eggs and had company over and was like, oh, this is actually, you guys don't even get it. Wait, what? That guy was the ultimate mole.

Like, he drank everybody to eat almost out of the eggs. That's very funny. also you won a bikini contest, which is shocking to me. That's right. Yeah. I was with a radio station in San Diego. It was KGB. It was with Dave Shelley and Chainsaw.

And they had a guy on the show that was kind of unlucky in love. And they were trying to get him a date. And they're like, okay, we'll have a bikini contest. Winner gets a date with Bromo, this guy on the show. and a date with Bromo, $1,000, and a trip to Hawaii. And, of course, I just wanted the $1,000 in the trip to Hawaii. So I entered, and they thought it was funny. So I got in, and it was Dick's last resort, and it was by applause,

and I think everyone just thought it was hilarious that I was out there. And I did, you had to tell it. a joke instead of telling a joke, I did a Chris Farley motivational speaker impersonation. Oh, I ended up dating the girl who was, who came to second. You did your second place girl. Yeah, I dated the second place girl. And then I had my own contest to see who would go with me to Hawaii. Said whoever I went on a date with who had the most fun with I'd take with me to Hawaii.

I did. Was that girl number two? the second-place girl? No. I'm seeing her a little bit later. That's crazy. That's an impressive, like, art of the dealing, a radio show. Into a vacation and some big titty girl going hanging out with you.

That's all. I'm sure the second-place girl wasn't mad because she got to go to Hawaii. Were the other girls in good spirits or were they kind of peaved? Oh, everyone was true for me. Yeah. I would have held the radio DJ to his word for that date. I mean, it deals a deal. Free food's free food.

No, he was pretty pissed off. He just left. You'll look up like radio shock jock stuff from like 1998 or 2001. And it's almost like a stat. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah stuff. Like old school like Opie and Anthony. They're like, we got a homeless lady who's got to pick up hundreds with her clam. Like, let's see how many she can get.

She really needs this money. She's hungry. Like, just doing stuff like that. And it's like, oh, my God. That was the era of Girls Gone Wild and Bumfights. Yeah. Oh, everything looks gentle next to bum fights. Yeah.

Yeah. No one looks like that. My name for the contest was the man of a thousand camels. Because I just got back from a trip to Spain. And this Moroccan man tried to buy. me for a thousand camels. So the name's not. Now you know you're worth.

That has to be a lot. That's got to be a lot, right? So you were, a Moroccan man attempted to purchase you. Did he have the animals available? I was at a bar. I was there with a group and there was this cute blonde next to me who was traveling with me. And she was Australian.

And I obviously thought that he was talking about her. And then she's like, no, he wants to buy you. I was like, oh, dude, I need at least a million. He's like, ah, walks off. So you thought you were about to be very camel rich. If he thought I was worth six camels, it would pump my ego. That's six camels. That seems substantial.

I agree. I know myself, I'm not a thousand camel, man. No. My friend was in a class, and he had heard the story. And some girl gave a story where she had been offered 2,000 camels. 2,000 camels. My friend was like, that's a really good deal. She's like, I know.

All right. I'm taking the 2,000 camels. Like, I don't know what a camel's worth over there, but my, you know, what about the ox rancher? He had a camel. And I was like, can I shoot the camel? He's like, everything's for sale here. And I was like, how much to shoot the camel?

And I think it was $8,000. You could shoot the camel. You could buy the camel. You beat it to death with a hammer, whatever you wanted to do with it. But eight grand is what he wanted to get out of that camel. 2000 camels that's $16 million I was wondering what it was

that's crazy I had to be at least $500 at the time even if they're camels you know I mean even if they're a dollar a piece that's pretty good for one night I didn't know what it would entail

I didn't get details oh I thought this was like he was purchasing you like a slave Oh, yeah, I think it was a permanent deal. Yeah, I don't think it was a one-god-damn minute. So what are even going to do with a thousand camels? He's going to be like, here's a thousand camels for your life of slavery. By the way, I own everything you have now.

The ultimate switcher-roo. Yeah, exactly. How many camels for your boyfriend? 53. Is this what Zach is worth? What were the qualifying details? Like, nine times what I'm worth. 53 camels. he's tall

he's tall he can't find guys tall like that why are we looking for tall men are worth more and he's like he's from the fucking expanse yeah he looks like a belter belter

he can reach the highest dates on the tree and retrieve them for his new clay man 53 camels for a date picking belter no no I want some short little fimb boy

there's no way I'm buying a manslave. And not everybody likes the same things. No, and over there, they all lost kids over there. Apparently, they like you, a thousand camels, Jesus. That's a hefty wage of camels. You think he was talking big? You think he was talking big at the bar like, I buy you 10,000 camo? Probably.

Probably. Camels for your mouth this. Show me the camels. Show me the camel. Show me the giant k-fo of camels. You're not at the side. He just moves aside the drapes right there. My friend, my friend.

Oh, that's great. I also saw you were big on, this isn't as fun, but the tsunami in Thailand, did you go there right afterward? you poked around, saw what was up? Yeah, I was there about two weeks after it happened. And I stayed for two weeks.

A friend that I went with stayed for two months. Yeah, it was nuts. Did you go to help or were you just like horror tourist? No, no, no. I went to help out. 140,000 dead people smelled Lake. Why were you there? He was like, you know, if you use a thousand camels right now.

Actually, they were using elephants. Yeah, like you because they were they needed to move like parts of buildings and stuff and didn't have the equipment. So they brought out their elephants and picked them picked up the stuff with their trunks. It was crazy. The tsunamis are always crazy. And I feel like this doesn't happen as much now, but all the old videos from the tsunamis and like the mid aughts before people knew the little signs. Like you can see them on YouTube where like it has that telltale tsunami thing where people are standing on the beach. and the water's coming in.

And it seems just like a weird weak wave at first. And people are standing around on their primitive phones back then being like, how very strange? I wonder what's going on. And meanwhile, like you look around and like cats are freaking out. Running like we know what's up. Yeah. That killed quarter million people.

Yeah. There was nowhere to hide. Yeah. 2004. There was no way to graduate. Yeah. That's wild. Like it just wrecked whole cities seemingly.

Was there no way to go? It seemed like you could gain altitude like 100 yards inward. I guess it depends on the video you're looking at. And I could be thinking of the shoreline. Yeah, because most of those people live so close to the shore, right? And they're not in like heavily reinforced structures. Most people were boats that were deposited over a mile inland. And like big old fishing.

That does mean it's the highest spot within a mile though, right? Like could have gone around the hill. Is it smart to be on a boat? Yeah. Like if it's like a big enough boat where you just storm out into it and hope. Yeah, you go straight into it. Yeah. There's video of a boat doing that. I'm not even, I'm not kidding.

There's video. It's scary. Everybody's freaking. No, the whole bridge crew is freaking out. Go. Blahua, blah, blah. And he's going straight into it, straight into it. And they're fucking like going straight into the fucking tsunami wave.

And you see everything. He, like, he looks at the sky. for a minute and then he's coming down the other side it's terrifying that'd be so spooky yeah not a spooky as being on land though yeah i guess i'd rather be in the boat you know there's that one japanese guy different tsunami it's the what the Fukushima uh event he's been like looking for his dead wife for like a decade now or something scuba diving it's like dude what do you think you're gonna find what do you think you're gonna find i wish i i wish that guy'd find a big old treasure chest while he's down there that poor motherfucker he's been looking

You know what I mean? I bet he's found nothing but old tires and fucking 10 cans and shit. Been down there looking for his dead one. The only thing is worse than that. Oh, that's not my wife. throws her back. He's a little bitch. That's a mermaid.

That's not her. The only thing that's worse than that is the guy who lost the $750 million worth of Bitcoin. Oh. Did you see on Reddit he just stopped looking? Yeah. Yeah. it's been a little bit now to stop. Yeah, yeah.

I think there was like a whole news article whenever he, it's about a year now, I think since he quit, quit looking for it. But basically, Taylor, he threw away or lost a hard drive that had three quarters of a billion dollars

worth of Bitcoin on it. And it's in a landfill. And he knows which landfill. But it's one of those like big boy landfills. Where it's just an ocean of garbage, dozens of feet deep. Not one of those nice land.

No, it's not some little municipal landfill from some podunk town where it's like, I can get 50 guys out here and give me a week or two and we'll find that, no. Right. We're all the recent. You know what the worst part is? You know he's found hard drives out there before. Like, you know that they've been, oh, no, just fucking CP again. God damn it.

Craig's not laughing because he doesn't know what CP is. That's for the best. It's cod points. It's the current in Call of Duty. They make $1.00 into CP so that you fit them more. What did they have you doing when you got to like Turkey or Thailand? Like was it kind of just you help how you saw fit or it was a real organization that's like now you get your ass over there and move this garbage, do this, do that? Well, on our second flight down there, we met a guy that was flying down there who was Thai that was doing the same thing. So we connected with him and he went with him.

him to a kind of a lodge, like a nature lodge where they don't have any electricity or anything like that. And it was up on top of a hill. So it was perfectly fine. But they were full. So we slept on top of the building, of the main building and worked with all the people there on the projects that they were working on. The first day, we were looking for bodies.

And you just follow your nose. So you found some Well, I got lucky I found the old The old refrigerator for the seafood restaurant It's better than a body Yeah It's way better than a body

Still gross But So you did find And you found food Okay We found one We went out to the beach After a day of working

To like rent off the sweat. And we did find a femur out there on the beach. We took it to like the main point and it turned out to be a femur of a cow. Oh. Shucks. Have you ever seen a dead human outside a funeral? I don't think so.

I don't think I have either. Yeah, not real. On the internet a lot. I saw a motorcycle accident once. That guy didn't make it. You know, after watching those motorcycle videos, that'll take the taste right out of your mouth for riding your bike. Like, I made a mistake one night, and I went down that rabbit hole. I started with the Isle of Man videos.

The Isle of Man is this crazy motorcycle race they have, like, on like cobblestone, like, cornered roads and around buildings and stuff doing 180 miles per hour. And occasionally people will just hit a brick building like a Looney Tunes character and die. And then that looks. led me, though, to like, like the squids or whatever you call them, like just road warriors, just pulling shit. I love squids. Fucking 20-year-old dudes with way too much goddamn testosterone and 200 horsepower between their legs.

And they're just don't give a fuck about their lives. They're just going so hard, doing stunts and doing crazy shit. And then they eat shit and they die. And they usually explode. They usually come apart and their suit is all that's holding their body together. Jeez. I mean. He's 25.

And so he's cleaned up motorcycles and their riders off of the freeway. And then he goes out and buys his own motorcycle. It's like he's invincible. Dude. So Squids is the name for the people who drive their motorcycles irresponsibly. There's two variants. One are the stunters and the others just go like 150 on the highway. The subreddit for Squids is called the Calamar.

race team, which is hilarious. I bought the sticker. I don't deserve it, but I bought the sticker. I got it. And when they don't die, it's the funniest thing. They're all posting hospital photos. They have like, their arm will have like 27 staples in it. That's called a squid mark.

You know, the scars from their injuries. They're so talented until they're not. I love to watch it, but I can't keep up. That's a dangerous community to exist. where they're all just like goading each other into more and more dangerous things. It's like, do you know that meme from years ago where it was like in 1995, some guy says to all his friends and on the internet, I want to fuck toasters.

Everybody calls him a re-part and says don't fuck toasters. In 2020, he finds a community about toaster fucking on Reddit. And now he's one of the big guys in the toaster fucking world. And he's fucking the best and the best toasters. everybody's raving about the style of toasters he finds and it's just a joke about how like this used to get nipped in the bud and now it's like oh no you just keep look we're all retarded here too just keep going

the toaster fuckers I think are just kidding around but the sink tissors aren't just an example the sink tissors aren't oh well this isn't really as offensive as fucking a toaster there's a whole sink yeah Kyle it's normal to pee in people sinks and even if you've been visit someone's house. Absolutely. There's a whole thing.

That's how I test if they have cameras in the bathroom as I pee in their sink and then if they confront me, I'm like, aha. Kyle told me that he likes to run the water so people don't even hear him pee. I'm like, I got an even better idea. The sink's right here at dick level. The subreddit is

full of the internet is full of guys who are like, she caught me. She caught me. And now I'm in the doghouse, boys. I'm in big trouble here. I confess that I have never pissed in our toilet. Oh, my God.

Livid. Not once? It'll be guys whose girlfriends are absolutely leaving them. They get them text messages. Like, it's the most disgusting thing. I can imagine, Richard, what are you thinking? You're filthy. It's like, I'm believing you.

No. I'm a little more hardcore. I'm a member of sync show. It's It should be anonymous. It should be an honest. Yeah, that sink pissing,

there's nothing to gain. It's not even that. All right, here's what's the game. So if you go to the community and you'd become one of us, then you'd learn that there are many advantages to sink pissing.

First of all, conservationism, okay? I'm not flushing of one and a half liters of water down with every tinkle, all right? It's just going straight into the sewer, no water waste. Maybe give it a little

little ch, to rinse the, you know, these people aren't turning the sink on? Well, you turn it on a little after,

you know, you don't have to keep it running the whole time. This is, do you get the water running when you brush your teeth?

No. You would at the beginning and the end. Oh, what a wasteful. I'll leave it running the whole time. Sometimes I turn on

the shower, just from the doys. I would love to tell that to some, some African fucker who's freaking dirty puddle water.

Oh, I'm not getting in. I'm just here for the sounds. You're out of the hot water. Just water and you shitting it and then use the sound of it to cover it up. Yeah. Kyle, I went to that subreddit. Yeah. I mean, most of these are public sinks.

Like, you scroll down six. You've already seen two airlines. That's a good third. One guy, I'm against this. One guy was peeing in what looked like an upscale restaurants bathroom but he was like eight feet away he's arching the rainbow into that

I've never been so conflicted you sit on airplanes and I'm like this is disgusting you said into a seashell fancy sink and I'm back in like I don't think this is such a funny quandary I need to look up sink pisters more maybe these guys are your own? Licks right here

Zach said it at 712 I'll click on some Dude, it's a hilarious community. It's part exhibitionist and part weirdo. Look at this guy. All right, this guy is pissing from, we can we can show that, right? Like, like, it's a stream of piss.

This guy is pissing from no joke, like seven, eight feet away. This is a champion. He's a cool guy. Look at, And look at this. The integrity of the stream. So but Kyle, what you need to pay attention to here is he only had the power to even maintain the illusion of this reach long term with the initial burst of P.

Which means he rapidly was doing like the two-step shuffle closer. He's standing on a toilet, right? Am I, am I, seeing that correctly? Standing on a toilet. Testing in a sink. Dude, what a, what an absolute. That's how it got so far.

Is it just me here is that stream like extra thick in diameter? That's what I'm saying. The integrity of his stream. There's no little side bullets going anywhere. There's one solid, a super sucker could not compete with the integrity of this man's pitch. This top comment calls him Chris Kyle. Incredible.

This might be AI. I mean, first of all, this guy really has a devil-making. care attitude because that role of TP is absolutely ruined. Like that totally ruined. Those towels so close to the splash zone. Dude, he's a daredevil. He's doing this in khakis.

Oh, wow. Why is he barely pulled his pants down? Is he going over the top? He must be going over. He doesn't be looking like his belt is undone. This guy is trying to make for a quick escape, if anything. I don't see the stream in the mirror. Okay.

Oh. Wait, though, there it is. Oh, is that it? I'm having a hard time believing this is a real, a real piss stream. Just because, again, I mean, it looks like fucking Peter Parker is shooting some webbing at the thing or something like that.

It's so thick and, like, solid, this piss stream. I've never pissed like this in my life. That's what I'm saying. This is him pushing out a really got a pee. That's why the picture's here. because he doesn't have, he's not doing a whole TPs, and it's never looked like this. I'm telling you, this guy is slinging web. I don't, I don't think of a little heat.

This sub has lost its way. We used to have class in dignity. It wasn't a way to get back at the establishment. It was about conserving water and generally being easy and less messy for tall people. Another guy says the sub's name isn't floor pissers, although he countered. He's not hitting the floor at all. he's yeah there's unless he starts like running toward the thing at some point like like he's going to piss on the floor a hundred percent and he's standing on a toilet so he'd have to jump off the toilet and

then i just believe that's a fake image i i can't imagine a man i choose to believe it's real because that is very very funny but also like like standing on the toilet ball now that i don't like what if I have to poop and now I have to go sit in all the gut and grime that's been on the bottom of his shoes he's got the lid down I poop with that wait no no no there isn't a top lid it's a public it's a public place there isn't a top lid he's on the that like oh he's on the edges you think he's on the seat you know public toilets it doesn't have that top like home toilet thing it just has

the seat going down some do like like it depends I can't tell what he might be in the bathroom of like a fucking massage parlor or like a beauty parlor or something. Oh, that's a fun little bit of fanfic. I like to think that the Asian lady wouldn't jack him off. And now he's in there getting a little West, old West Justice. I like that. But it's more likely that this is just a fucking lunatic of peas everywhere.

I don't know how you could go to a massage parlor and get jerked off and not worried that you're going to get Robert crafted anyway, you know? What does that mean robbed? No. No, he was made famous for it. Yeah, Rob, you know, he owns the Patriots. Apparently, the billionaire owner of the Patriots has to settle for Michoo hand jobs at the local massage parlor by some poor immigrant. Like, like, how does that guy not have access to some sort of high-end call-girl pussy? He could have come so far around that he did so much call girl high-end stuff that now he's like into, you know, poverty poon.

And he's trying to... Evendies, too. It's like, I saw the roast of Tom Brady. Somebody tried to make a joke about it. And Brady was like, shut the fuck up. You don't joke about that. Yeah, shut it down. Yeah, you're not like that.

That was the only joke he had a problem with. Yeah. That guy rules. Tom Brady's so cool. Every time I see him. Like, he'll just, like, he's not even that good of an announcer, but everyone's like, he can't, you can't kick him out. He's Tom.

It's like Wayne Gretzky on the TNT NHL announcement. announcing staff. He's by far the worst member of the announcing team. And everyone else on the on the announcing team squad is like there to keep Gretzky, like to keep him on the same level as them doing all the entertainment, all the talk and all the jibs and japs. And Gretzky, they'll be like, Gretzky, tell us about the story where you, you know, broke yet another record and he'll be like, ah, you know, boys, I don't like brag. And it's like, wrong television. Why you're weird?

Why are you? Please. You have to All the way you're here. See the problem with Tom Brady on the NFL thing. For one thing, he's not a very good announcer. But for another, he's done so much, seen so much, and broken so many records that it's hard to impress him with what's going on in the football field. And he refuses to pull a Joe Rogan and be blown away if Aaron Rogers hits a 50-yard

fucking touchdown pass. He's like, oh, mediocre. I remember what I did that that time, but I did it way better. and it was, you know, 80 yards, not 50. I don't like him on the announcing crew, but I do like him on, like, podcast, and any time I see him speaking to, like, a group of people, because he's one of the greatest winners of all time

and one of the most competitive businesses that exists, and he just did it so many fucking times. It's hard to believe that he was able to go down and win that last one with the bucks. That's so crazy. How many time, how many Super Bowls does he have? Is it five or six? Six.

Is it seven? It's so many we've lost. When he does the pictures, he has two more. Yeah, maybe it's seven. Fucking seven. Oh, two, oh, four, oh, five. Oh, my God, that's crazy. I was listening to row of his teammates.

And I'm going to mess up the quarter. I'm going to get the story mostly right. But he had four Super Bowls at the time. And they were like going for it. And he had the, on his calendar, like the location of the Super Bowl and they're working out

in the preseason hasn't even started yet and he's like oh this is dope like he's got whatever like you know New Orleans February something and he's like yeah we get that one you pass Thysman or whoever had four

and he goes Bradshaw maybe has four maybe it's Bradshaw he's like I'm not going for Bradshaw I'm going for Jordan And it was like, oh, fuck. Jordan was six. Yeah, he wasn't setting his eyes on being the best football player.

We got it. That last one is so impressive. He's like 41 years old, away from Belichick, away from the Patriot System, and he does it again. That's that stuff that takes away all the counter arguments that would have been thrown at him had he not won that. Yeah. And Belichick went to UNC and prove what he can do without Brady.

There you go. I mean, I mean, Belichick's pussy crazy down there. You've seen that 25-year-old girlfriend he's got running his social media or whatever. That's a whole other pickle. He's just having a good time now. He's surrounded by women in their early 20s at UNC. I like that apparently, I like hearing you say that Brady is like unimpressed with that shit because I'm obviously Brady, the goat of the NFL.

Gretzky's records make Brady's look very attainable in comparison. How many championships does he have? Did he just get outscored? Five. He just had his first major record broken by Alex Ovechkin. And I wanted him to like show a little emotion as far as like, you know, this is a little disappointing. Like just something that shows you he was a competitor. But he had the perspective of like, like he gave Ovechkin a big gift.

And he was like, that's so wonderful. You know, sometimes it's fun to see some of these records broken because to him it's such a who can. Like if he played his career wanting to have the most goals of all time of Etchken. wouldn't have a prayer. He never would have gotten close to it. Gretzky had entire seasons where he was like, I'm going to be an assist guy. I'm going to get 250 assists with 45 goals.

And then the next season he'd be like, I'm going to be a goal guy. I'm going to score more goals than I've ever been scored in the season. I'm going to score 893 goals. Like he would just do that. And he just, but he's just, all of his skill points. How old was he when we're tired?

I don't know. I think like 40-ish, maybe a little under 40. Not very impressive. I mean, he ended his career the same way that like when I'm playing an NHL be a pro career, eventually I have every record where it's like I've scored more goals than anyone ever. Is it the same number of games? 82 back through the, yeah.

Because the NFL has been adding more and more games. They're adding another game next year. They're going to an 18 game season. Do the players like that? Are they complying? I can't imagine the players like it. because it's not like their salaries are going up proportionally. And I don't know how that affects guys who have like bonus or who have like stats based bonuses.

Like if you have some of your contract that says if I, you know, run for X amount of yards in a season, I get X amount of money or something like that. They add another game. How does it affect your contract? I don't know how that would work. But anyway, they're adding another game. When there's a shootout goal, does that count? as a goal? No. No. Shoot on goals don't count. No. And that's a good thing. That would be so

fucking cheesy. It would change the way records are. Maybe a lot of people would break it and it'd be asterisk. Yeah. They will be like they have their own shootout stats where people like T.J. Oshy, you guys remember. And what was that? Sochi in like 2014 or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. In the Olympics, you're allowed to just use the Kyle. You probably knew this story. Craig, I'm not sure if you're a hockey guy. But when we were taken on Russia or whoever it was, you know, you're allowed to just use the same guy over and over in the shootout if you want. And we had T.J. Oshy, or was it not Russia? Was it Finland? I think what it is is you have to use three people. And then once you do, you can use anyone. And once you've used three. So Oshy, TJ went first and then two other guys. If I have it right, I think I do. And then he just went again and again and again and again. And he couldn't be stopped. It was great. He was still on the blues at the time. That was very. Was he? Did he went a cup with you guys? No, he went to Washington and won a cup there.

But then we ended up getting one anyway, so it was okay. I wanted to talk a little about your hyper into Star Trek, and this isn't my area of expertise, but what are like encyclopedic level of Star Trek? And I see you've watched 850 hours. You've watched everything? Yeah, I've watched every. Star Trek title in chronological order, which isn't, they have some series out that came out in the 2000s,

or recently that are actually in timeline before the original 2016. It's been a long road, getting from there to here. How's the academy stuff? That is the worst song for the intro of a, of a Star Trek series. It's so bizarre. That's a Star Trek song? All the other Star Trek's like come on and then space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages of the blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you get some, bum, bum, bum, bum, or whatever. You get this orchestra. You get this beautiful sort of let's go and explore and get pumped up to like do the good kind of music. And then Star Trek Enterprise comes out in the early aughts and it's like, It's been a long road. It's like NACC pop song. That's gay.

Yeah. Well, it's it's because they're going from like old sailing ships enterprise to, you know, metal ships enterprise to spaceships enterprise. So you get the idea behind it, but it's still lame. Have you watched the academy stuff? How is it? If so. I have, I don't think the academy, I think it starts February.

seven. I'm not sure on that though. You say it's out, Kyle? I saw, I've only seen like little snippets of people complaining that the cast is too diverse. And I'm like, do you watch Star Trek at all? Yes, I do. The cast is too diverse since the 60s.

They didn't want any white men in this one. No white. Like, like, even you look on the fucking cover art. And it's like, brown woman, brown woman, brown woman, white woman, brown woman. Oh, does the Klingon count as a black person or a white person? I don't know.

And like the Klingon, are like goofy and silly. Starfleet Academy is like the Navy fucking seals of the future. All right? This is the Space Navy. The people who are going here are like the best and brightest. These are the guys who are simultaneously going to

like killing it at MIT. In the pictures. In what? In the little like preview pictures I saw Star Trek fans mad at. A lot of the people in like the head, you know, captain room or whatever were overweight, which is not something I would picture with. You're probably just thinking of Paul Giamati.

Like he's in it and, you know, he's an old chubby man. There was some fat lady too. Yeah, there's, yes, I saw that, that obese woman. Too fat to be a Navy, a space Navy seal, certainly. What they've done is they have made like a silly, goofy sort of Harry Potter show based in the Star Trek universe and made it so woke and diverse that it's upsetting. And it's, it's not what I like about Star Trek. And look, start, I see, I saw like Stephen Miller at the White House saying something about making Star Trek great again or something like that.

Star Trek has always been left, left, not left leaning, but left. It's always had these allegories and these metaphors about race relations and class and religion and politics. It's all, if you look at the original series, right, just post-World War II and you've got a Japanese guy and a Russian guy on the, the con over there. You got a black lady behind you handling communications. First interracial kiss in TV history.

It's a very diverse cast for the times. But my God, this is so ridiculous. I don't like that it's not serious anymore and that there's no like... What is this? Like their laser tag team?

I don't know. I don't know. With whole judgment, I think it looks like... I say half of these actors are white men. Maybe? No, they'll die fast.

Don't worry. They're going to kill them. Okay. At least these three guys are like fit and tallish. What the fuck? That lady looks like she's four foot 11 and she's supposed to be a member of the elite space marines? No. Well, they're not space marines.

They're not space marines. Yeah. They're a scientist. Oh, she's a nerd. As long as we're not pretending she's like a good fighter, then I don't really care. I'm told this has like teen high school drama vibes to it, but I haven't seen it. And I haven't seen it. I don't know if it's too this or too that.

We'll watch. I like Strange New Worlds a lot. And a lot of people who are like Star Trek purists don't like that one. To me, what the original series would have been like had they had the budget. It's lighthearted. It's silly and goofy at times. And I don't like that the language can be like our modern language.

Sometimes they're saying shit sometimes. That seems odd to me. I like the future speak of the next generation. in Deep Space Nine. And Deep Space Nine is my favorite by far, followed by like the next generation. And then it kind of take your pick after that. Strange New World is a cartoon one, right?

That's Lord Dex. I like that a lot, too. Strang's New World is the guy with a super tall hair. The thing with Lord Dex is that the more you know about Star Trek, the funnier it is. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of inside jokes.

I've been watching since I was a little kid. It's my favorite thing. I rewatch it all the time. What's your favorite Star Trek? Well, like you just said, the Deep Space Nine, I didn't watch it when it first came out, but I watched, I was a next generation guy. Same. And the Ferengi, I mean, you get like this whole society based on pure, unabriddled capitalism. Instead of a constitution, they have the laws of acquisition and all that stuff.

And so you're not supposed to like them, but in Deep Space Nine, they get like two or three main character. in there that like change your mind. You're like, oh, there is more to these guys than... So you probably know this, but Armand Shimmerman, the guy who plays Quark, like the main bar-owning Farrangi in Deep Space Nine. He was one of those original laser-whipped Ferengi in the next generation episode back in the day. I didn't know that.

Oh, wow. And he was embarrassed by that portrayal of the Ferengue. They were being introduced in this new Star Trek show as the Big Bad. You know, we've made peace with the Klingon since the original series. You know, it's been like 90 years or something. and so they needed a new big bad to introduce and the Ferengi was it which is like they're a stand it

they're an anti-Semitic stand-in if you ask me instead of giving them big noses they gave them big ears they made them care about nothing but money and made them sneaky and conniving and greedy like it feels very anti-Semitic to me but it was goofy in the next generation with the laser whips but then Deep Space Nine they're expanded on and they're some of my favorite

characters in the whole show or the Ferengis they're great That is, I mean, I would love to hear the, I, this is fan theory that they were like, we're going to give them big noses. And they're like, no, you'll get J.K. Rowling to they'll figure it out. We're going to go with the ears. They hear deals all over the place. They literally do.

Like there's a scene where they got one of the, one of the Ferengi, he's like, ah, my lobe is twitching. You know what that means? Opportunity. Do they ever, like, accidentally, like, flip their hand? where they're like, my ears are tingling. That means there's smoked fish nearby. I love smoked fish. Dude, their ears are their rodgy zones too, right?

Don't you rub them and they get all turned on? That's a little muggy or whatever they call it. That's really creepy. They'll trick women into massaging their ears. These guys don't look that scary. I'll be honest. That guys, those guys with the ridged foreheads look scarier than this. They're like four feet tall.

Yeah, what are these guys going to do? Like, I guess they use like usury to like fuck you over. Like they literally do. Yeah. Well, that was like, You said they were bankers. Well, at first they had laser whips and they would like fuck you up. That's so much better, so much cooler than using like the monetary system.

I prefer the monetary system sneaky conniving Ferengi kind of used as like a joke most of the time. Like they scream like girls whenever there's there's danger. But they're fun. They fit in with the other races really well because like you said, the Klingons, the guys are the ridges on their heads. They're like the scary, brutish characters. And then you got like the Romulans who. or the more like the Russian stand in.

The Klingons are the ones with no emotions, right? They're No, those are Vulcans. Vulc. That's like Spock. Yeah. Spock's half Vulcan. Half falcon, of course. I think Spock's

between two worlds, Taylor. I like, I love data, though. Data's great too. Data is wonderful. It can be great. David can be awful, too. He could be the, lamest character in the show at times, but he can be cool.

I love data. What was it? Nemesis or something? He and Picard or singing? It was Nemesis. Oh, wait, wait, wait. It wasn't, it was. Yeah, it's, it's, it's not nemesis.

It's the one where the planet deages you. And those people have the faces that are like pulled back or whatever the villains are. Nemesis is the one where Bain, the actor who plays Bain is the clone. Picard from not the Romulans but the Remens. I remember a I can't think of Jean-Luc Picard's the actor's name right now. Patrick Stewart interview. And he was like, we're all classically trained theater actors and we wanted to bring a little of that to the movie.

And I'm like, so you ruined it. You ruined it. You're supposed to be like space pirates or something or explorers or like paramilitary or something. but you had to take your freaking drama club background into Star Trek and start singing and no Woody I wanted it to be

gaya like okay yeah he made it gay it can be silly looking for just like a silly entertaining dumb like sci-fi movie Nemesis that'll get you there it's got a rape scene counselor Troy so I don't like

I think she's a stupid character and she's unnecessary there's no reason for it be on the goddamn bridge because her psychic powers are just vague. Like I could stand there and be like, oh, I think he might be hiding something, Captain. Of course he's hiding something. Of course he is.

Everyone is. You just make these vague, like, fucking hints that she gives. Get her off the bridge. She got raped in like every movie and like one of the episodes of the TV show. Always getting raped. You've got psychically raped, physically raped, rape attempts.

Everybody's always after her. She's not even the hot one. It's pretty bad. It's funny. though, she's the only one who dresses like back in the 90s, a woman would get raped and they'd be like, well, what were you wearing? Like that was

30 years ago. Deanna Troy, like, I don't know, form hugging, breast out cleavage uniform every time. And like you said, she's not the hot one, but she's the slutty one. You're telling me they went back to the well of this same character being raped over and over

and over. At least twice, maybe three times. Yeah. That's just lazy. What do you call it? Because she's only half of what she is. Betazoid. Betazoid. So she doesn't have all the head power.

So she gets psychically raped by another Betazoid. Her mom is like the queen of Star Trek. She married Roddenberry. She played Nurse Carter on the original one. And she does all the voiceovers for the computer. Yep. I think she's the most unknown Star Trek

Star Yeah, Loxana Troy That's one of the most annoying characters Ever in the show I hate her episodes Is this data guy a robot? Why is he all pale? He's an android

Kyle He's like a one of a He was raped I said two but maybe three And I would lean toward three So I went to chat GPT And first off, it chastised me for saying there's no one of that name, don't spread misinformation and stuff. And I'm like, she's a character in Star Trek.

And they're like, oh, that Deanna Troy, four times. Season two, episode one, season six, episode three, season five, episode 12. And then in Nemesis, season four, episode three, I guess. Yeah. So she also got raped in a movie called, I think a Death Wish movie. she gets like raped and that too. Like could you confirm that for me?

Typecast. Ask ChatGPT if she was raped in any other films or things because I'm positive. She gets raped in like either, I think it's a Death Wish movie. Probably Death Wish two or three, two. I'm gonna guess two. All right.

This is so funny. I asked the same thing. I said how many times was Deanna Troy raped in Star Trek? And Groch was like, it just gave me a dissertation where he's like, at least three. There's other times you could make an argument, but there's three very distinct moments. Yeah.

Sometimes it's implied. Yeah. Yeah, that was weird. The Star Trek you're thinking of Woody, where they start singing is Star Trek Insurrection. I had to look it up. I don't really like the Star Trek movies very much, the TNG movies. Those two are the worst in the whole series, but also fun. The new ones?

everyone says they're bad, they're lame or whatever. I'm here for it. I absolutely love the Star Trek. At one point, they're like, who has hand-to-hand combat skills and base jumping? And like two guys raise their hand. Star Trek's just like that all the time. Like, there's one where they need Sulu and motorcycle and some other skills to, and piloting to get out of a jam.

They blast sabotage, you know, classical. I like those movies as movies. I just wish they weren't about Star Trek. I wish it was just some spacemen and a spaceship, and it didn't need to be Spock and Kirk and all that, especially like the later ones. Like in the into darkness, they do, they basically rip off wrath of Khan.

But they reverse the roles of Kirk and Spock. And they have Spock, the emotionless half Vulcan scream Khan! And then like solve the problem with fisticuffs. Like he literally like rage beating con down. And it's like I, this doesn't really feel like the Star Trek I know.

Like if it was just like if it wasn't spot, it was if it was spam and Kevin and they were and spam was mad that Kevin had died and he was beating up Pete, I'd be like, that's fucking badass. You see how he screamed? But like you just really. ripping off like the best ever Star Trek movie. And you're doing it poorly.

And it doesn't make any sense. Like, like, I don't know that. John was the best. I love Rathcon. Let me develop this question. It takes a second. In professional boxing, they always get me, right? They bring up the hype that.

And I'm thinking I'm going to watch some great sporting events. So two ruthless modern day gladiators. And then the boxing max actually has. happens and it looks like a pillow fight and no one goes down and it's 12 rounds of hugging and defense and it sucks until I forget that and fall for it again back on topic for star wars are you ready to be disappointed again are it has a no no because I'm getting no I'll never watch a star wars movie really no they're making a race series do you know what's what they're doing now is they're making a ray movie they're doing they're going to try to do three more

Ray movies. I thought she was largely disliked. Yeah, they're putting Dave Faloni in charge of production. Kathleen Kennedy is out, and it's going to be more non-fucking sense. I don't care about Star Wars. It's never been good. There are no good Star Wars movies. I don't care.

They were, they were amazing back in the day when people saw CGI for the first time, and I bet they thought that Wookie looked real. And you had stars. You had fucking Harrison Ford and Mark, Mark, Camel and Sir Alan Guinness and all those people. It was great, I bet, in the 70s. Well, it's 50 fucking years later, and that's some slow, ass, boring, terrible-looking CGI.

And then when you try to watch them sequentially, and you start with, like, that sword fight between, that lightsaber fight between Darth Vader and Obi-1 Canobi in the OG episode one, it looks like me and Taylor, like, took five minutes to choreograph. and then we were like, no, we're way more athletic. It looks bad. And then you go forward to the prequel trilogy.

And oh, my God, it's like fucking zoos, too, do, do, so, so, so, so. Everybody's spinning and doing fucking backflips. And like, we've got double lightsabers. There was that robot with four lightsabers. He was cool. General Grievous. He had, like, at least four, maybe six. There's a mean about people getting.

It's like being like, oh, careful, major meanies up next. in summer wars people get their arms cut off Luke got his arm cut off Darth Vader got his hand cut off general grievous comes on to screen and one by one they cut off all four of his arms it's like what the fuck you're trolling me right dude I was like 10 watching that

11 12 whatever one in the order that was watching it and I was like upset that grievous didn't get more done. I knew he was a bad guy, but in my head, I thought he was so sick, so cool.

The same way, Darth Mall, I was like, Darth Mall plays for fucking keeps. This guy's gonna hammer you, and then he didn't. And I was a little- They brought him back.

Well, yeah, he comes back in an animated series. Yeah, it's very good. He fell down that pit. So, yeah, his hatred and his force will kept him alive and sustained him, and they built a new lower,

body for him. It was like spider legs. Yeah. And he went insane, like more beast than man. And there's a great scene where he goes and he finally he has another duel with Obi-1 Canobi and there's this great scene where they're like facing

off and old Obi-1 Canobi like first he goes into like the Obi-1 Canobi stance. And he's like, no, that's no good. And then he goes and then he goes into his like new stance. He's like, no, that's no good. And this is all happening like quickly with no, no, no, like dialogue and then he thinks he remembers back to his master's fight when he goes into the quigon gin stance and then he remembers how quigong jinn lost his first fight with dark mall how dark mall

tricked him headbutted him and then killed him and he baits him into that move and kills him with one strike and the fight like begins and ends with this one strike and you see darth mall like the light goes out of his eyes it's great hey that that i like one strike for a new spider like darth like that. Who is the guy who was Saruman and also in Star Wars? Oh yeah. Christopher Lee. I don't remember what his character name was. Count Duku. Count Duku. He was another guy that I thought was much cooler than Yoda. And so when they started fighting and Yoda started doing all his fucking acrobatics shit in that cave, I was like, man, I really hope Count Duku makes a fight out of this because he's so much cooler than Yoda. Yoda's so short and little. Just not that.

neat. Yeah. And he talks like, the Yoda talks. It's like this guy is so fucking full of himself. You think the Jedi could do anything about my shotgun? Like, if I start blasting buckshot at him,

what are they going to do? I mean, I guess they could force choke me or lightning me or something like that. But they're not swiping those shotgun pellets out of the air. Yeah, they really fuck themselves over by going lasers only. Well, it's a whole swarm of them.

It's not just one little laser bolt that they can knock off like a tennis ball. I guess you could all of it. They stop laser bolts in the, newest try series. Oh yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, they do all sorts of bullshit though. There's that one, Darth Vader stops a spaceship for a second. It's like,

what the fuck? It's all fucking bullshit, dude. It's starting. You have the power appropriately. You can't have people like have just gain new abilities off screen or have inconsistent power levels or it's very

frustrating. They got to scale powers like Gandalf, which is reasonable the whole time. Not where you suddenly show up. and you like went in to create a character screen and went to 100 with everything. Yeah, Gandalf is so understating. Gandalf is not gay because there's nothing he could do about it.

I think Dumbledore is gay. Dumbledore would be able to handoff. Wasn't he gay? Or maybe he was in for a world of heaven. They are both gay. The actor who plays Gandalf is gay and the character who is fucking who's the

Dumbledore. Dumbledore is gay. Dumbledore is gay. No, Ian McAllen is a homosexual. but Gandalf is not gay. The actor who plays Dumbledore is not gay, but Dumbledore is gay, right? Yes.

Well, there were two actors who played Dumbledore. The first one died. But the character, it's about the character. Either the character's gay or he's not. He probably sucked a dick once or twice lately. You know, why are you trying to dig into the man? He dabbled? He dabbled?

He dabbled? That's the wizard's chest. Jay is the spectrum. Yeah. But Dumbled and a hundred out of a hundred times. It's not even close. I just hated his scoring.

at the end of every movie. That was so unfair. He made it so obvious that Slytherin never even had a shot. The Slytherin guys seemed to be bust and ass getting good grades, working hard, doing well. Wait a minute. So what? There's like three meanies.

And then one like blonde, mean guy. I'm sure the rest of the class was fine, right? No. No, they were cheating. Harry would get extra points for things like... The whole thing about Slytherin is that they're all about power and attaining power at any cost. Oh, so they cheated in all the point events?

Oh, okay. Not only that, like, Snape would take points away, like, indiscriminately from Gryffindor and award them to Slytherin. So the Doubledore, at worst, was just balancing out Snape's one-sidedness and unfair, like, point distribution. But in best, he would be like, and 50 points for Harry Potter for saving all of our lives. Yes, thank you, Harry. And Hermione, you saved my life.

His 50 points. It's like, they save the fucking day. slew the basilisk. And 10,000 points to Harry Potter for staying quiet about that time. He walked into the men's room, and I was there with a very magical foe. And I defying in the sink.

And I defied it. He kept it quiet. He never said a word. Have you ever seen that meme about Harry Potter where it's like, wow, J.K. Rowling, a giant, hulking, masculine troll, harassing girls in the women's room, maybe be a little more subtle next time.

Because she's all obsessed with like bathrooms now. And she's just fighting for our freedoms, all of us, you know? I'm glad she's out there taking those bullets for us. She's fighting against my freedom to change my mind one day and start walking in the women's room. I think she is. She didn't look at it through that lands, did you? I'm not watching, like, little things like the wokeness, I guess I'm sensitive to in those properties because I'm not going to watch the Harry Potter shit either.

They made a black snake. And I don't I don't care if you, it would be, it would make a lot of sense if the school was more diverse. Because in the books it's not very diverse, except for Cho Chang, the one Chinese girl. And then like three black kids. And it's like, I think there's more like black kids in the UK than this. And that Irish kid who like always blows himself. Shamus. Yeah. That's very, that's very funny.

I like that she did that. That's funny. Yeah. There's a lot of that going on. But like, you can't make snake black because. his race kind of plays into his character a little bit, you know, and, and, oh, he's not human, his race. No, he's, he's a white man.

Oh, yeah, okay. He's, he's, he's very pale with greasy hair, and that's what they pick on him for, his pale, his paleness and his greasy hair. That and he's poor and, like, underprivileged and, I think slightly imbred, maybe, but it's been a while since I've read the books. He does talk a little fucked up. He does. It's like it takes him a long time to think what he's going to say next.

Oh, Harry, I'm horny for your dead mom. And it's like, stop it. The hell out of here. You have your mother's eyes and her ass. It's like you're my teacher. And also, like, I didn't know that the way Harry Potter worked, the way Hogwarts worked, is that you basically had like, I guess, 15 Roger Goodell's that could take and give points, willy-nilly to the side.

Sure. And so, okay, that's, then you're right. I guess Slythera must have been cheating. What about Hufflepuff? Hufflepuff always seems like they're getting, like nobody's given them any credence or, or is that kind of like an unspoken, like these are kind of the lowest tier of the gang.

Hufflepuffs are like the nature kids. Ravenclaw are the book kids, like the nerds. Hufflepuffs and natures. Okay. out of been griffindores hell, dude. Yeah,

I'm a griffindore. What are the griffindores? Being sick. Bravery. Bravery. Well, then never mind. I don't know. I'd be all about that Slytherin life.

First of all, the Slytherin, no mudbloods allowed, all right? No havesies. Okay, we're pure over here. That is like,

that's like an SEC program. Yes. They're only taking the five-star recruits. Okay, I like that. Gryffindor. They never win. They are an SEC team, yeah. They explain the mud blood, mudbloods, but is it, Snape was a mud blood.

He was a half-blood prince. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. Maybe that's why he's self-conscious about it. But that's not a mudblood, I don't think. I think the mudbloods are like muggle-borns. Like Hermione's a mudblood. I'm not keeping up with your racism. Can you please explain what?

So Hermione, for example, is a muggle-a-half-borne. So Hermione is a mudblood because she was born to two muggles, two regular old humans who have no magical abilities. I didn't know that was a thing. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Hermione is. And so guys like Draco literally call her a mudblood, which is like the N word for wizards because of that. Well, it's not because you just said mudblood.

We're getting into. There's none around. And just like the N word, when there's none around, you can use it freely. So you see any mudblocks here? I think not a one. All of us would be mudbloods. I think we're all mudbloods. No, we're muggles.

We don't have any magical abilities. Oh, as far as you know. I haven't seen you do anything that would approach magic before. That I keep it that way. Kyle, hold on. Are you getting hard at all? Oh. Is that

That's my thing? I did take my blue chew today. Oh, there you go. Yeah. I got to work on the flavor consistency. I know it's not supposed to be a tasty treat or anything, but sometimes they're like crazy sour. They're too sour, man.

I'm sensitive to sour candies. So I don't like... Sometimes I swallow like a pill sometimes. I'm worried if I just drink it with water. We'll see like, I wonder because of the stuff I learned from steroids, if it's better to like chew it up and leave it like in my mouth for a while to absorb it sublingually and avoid the liver and maybe like you get more of a kick from it. But I'm I just know that's true with certain other compounds. I don't know about I don't know about the Dallifil.

Speaking of compounds, you were drugged twice overseas and one of those times you were mugged. I'd love to hear about those instances. Well, I was drugged twice. Mugged was a separate incident. Oh, okay. Yeah. One, when I was drugged, was when I was coming back from Thailand. I had a layover in Bangkok.

And so I just hired a car to drive me around, show me the sites, and take me out to dinner for the night. And then after the meal, I start passing out in the back of the car. And I realized that I'd been drugged. So I just got all big and mean and started yelling and everybody to take me back to the hotel. Yeah. And then they tried to raise the price on me. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like about to pass out at the time. The pass out price. So I didn't get up to my room and I barricaded the door and and stayed in for the rest of the night. Did they get you? Did you like just go, you know what? I'll pay their exorbitant, ridiculous price. I just got to be away from these people. No, I just gave him what we agreed upon and walked away.

Did you figure out what the drug was? Did you say it? No, I don't know what it was. Okay. The other time was in Spain. And I was on a, I was at a bar at a club. And I think they just gave me the wrong drink. Or maybe they just wanted to see what the American would do when he was drugged.

And yeah, I was like passing out down there. and then I rallied. The GHB had nothing on me. They gave you a 115 pound girls' dose of Roofies. Yeah. You just get a little bit. I mean, that GHB stuff, that's what Roofies are. That's no joke.

One of my buddies got some of those thinking it was a different drug about eight years ago now. And then told another one, my friend, we were at an Ambley's, amateur fight where my buddy who used to do UFC was like doing amateur bouts against other people, one of the fights, beat the shit out of this guy. It was awesome. And all of us there in our friend group were there to support him. And almost everyone was just drinking. And like, obviously, like, you know, probably taking some edibles or something, eating some weed. And my buddy who had the hard drugs was like, I got this really good stuff. He's like, I just put a little couple drops in your drink. And it's like, I think he was saying it was like Xanax, like liquid Xanax or something.

And my other buddy was a big fan of Xanax and was like, drop some in here. Turns out that he had been sold not Xanax, but GHB, which is roofies. And so my buddy who at the time was almost 400 pounds got like dozed at this fight. And within a few minutes was like falling asleep. And then we had to get him home and so me and my other friend had to carry this behemoth like downstairs out into a like like he was big enough at that time he's lost much weight now so this is cool to say uh he we moved him down and like when we got him into the car it was something where it was like oh we got kind of it was like putting something in the back of a too small car from home depot where i was like we got him mostly in you know i bet if we just lean on the door we can get ah fuck is he's gonna lose on

his foot there, just put him in there, close the door. He was heavy enough that like the whole back quarter of the car sacked. And then he got out of that. He didn't get raped for anything. We didn't touch him. Yeah. I think your friend might be a rapist, though.

I don't know if he accidentally bought GHB. You know what I think? I think in one pocket he had his date rape drug for later on the evening. In the left pocket, he had his liquid volume for the boys or whatever. mixed up. I never even considered this. Yeah. All I know is I know that GHB

is used as a recreational drug by some people, but I would I heard so much. I bet you've got to be careful. Too much again. Too much again. Right to bed. That's a scary drug. I know a girl who

went out of date with a guy and he drugged himself because he didn't He wanted the feeling of being drunk, but he didn't want the calories because he was really fit. He turned out and he had no problem to you. I mean, I like, I mean, that's just, you know, mid-maxing. He's doing his best. Yeah.

I wonder what he drugged himself with. Do you know? No. If he was trying to feel drunk, it would have had to be a benz-o or. I guess a benzo. Like that's what that is. Okay. A Xanax or a Klonopin, something like that.

Zanx and Klonopin are kinds of benzos? Kinds of benzos. Yep. Anti-anxiety. It's going to make you feel like a muscle relax. Very intense. Very relaxed and numbed out. Very chill.

Cannot mix those with alcohol or you will die. Yeah, you'll be careful when you mix them with alcohol. That's how a lot of celebrities die. What was that? I think isn't that what happened to Whitney? Houston? Well, she was in the bathtub. I think that exacerbated things. But yeah, I think she was mixing like wine with benzos and then passed out and drowned. Matthew Perry was ketamine, but I think he was in a hot tub or something. Did he drown? Which must feel amazing. Like, yes.

Yeah, I mean, put a harness on. Like keep you or have like a fucking lifeguard with you. Like, bring somebody along for the ride. Don't just. That's sad. Like doing ketamine and hot tub by yourself. That's a friend's activity. Wasn't even a good actor. well I only saw him in friends and I didn't like friends I've been a bunch of movie he sucked

he's the voice of like a Benny or somebody like that and Fallout New Vegas though that's the only way now that you say I feel like he played the same role no matter how it's like no matter the situation

I hope it rains on your wedding it's like a like a on your wedding I just see message read and then nothing That's very funny

Well that really But also funny Oh man Well I've never been drugged by anyone But I also know people who have claimed To have been drugged And I don't believe them Because they'll say like

Oh dude like I think I got drugged last night And it's like are you fucking serious I saw you trashed at one in the morning like ordering shots for a group that all said no. And then you and then you crushed like I think I think we cracked the case here, my friend.

That's why you feel so horrible. It's not some hangover from an I was sure you were going to say, you know, I hear these stories and he knew what was in the cookie all along. He wasn't as innocent as he told. that's like a very low tier overdose thing but that is a shitty moment when you eat a giant edible that someone made at home and you realize when it starts to hit that it was stronger than they told you and they almost thought they were doing you a favor by being like look it's even more than you thought and it's like well but this no like now like now i'm now i'm almost scared like now i'm imagining all the most horrible possibilities in life and things that could have like understakes the homemade edible

target. Like it you're telling me I meant to have a 16th of a brownie Homeboy doesn't eat brownies by the 16th over here. Fuck you with that. All right? That's like my dream.

Go ahead. What was that? I said that's what got me stone for 26 hours once. Yeah. Too big of a brownie? I cut it in force. It was a brownie.

It was like a medical, it was from medical dispensary in California back when you had to have a medical card. And I was not, I wasn't, I didn't have much knowledge. And it wasn't well regulated back then. So yeah, I took a fourth of a brownie and I was gone for 26 hours. Too much sometimes. Yeah. Like I agree with Woody. That my goal, Woody, would be the same as yours where I want every giant delicious cookie.

to have two milligrams of marijuana in it. And so I just make a plate where it's like, I need to hit my dose. That would be fantastic. They make it too strong now. Weed is too strong. I've used enough weed that like it is too strong. You could just smoke less.

Two weak, Kyle, you're out of your mind. It's too strong. The edibles, unless you've got a medical card, they're capped at like 10 milligrams a piece or something like that. And if you've got any kind of a tolerance, like if you eat edibles three times a month or something like that, then you're going to slowly get up to 50, 60 milligrams that you want to take to like... You're off target, Kyle.

I don't even see them in tens. I see them sold in 25s up to 100. Or not to South 8 stuff. Like if you go to like Colorado, I think they're broken down into either. fives or tens like legally. Yeah. Okay.

I'm sorry. The farm bill stuff can be dosed like wacky because it's the Wild West and you can do whatever you want. You're right. All the dispensaries here have the standard 10 or you can go lower to five and they even have like two milligram mince. And so they'll do like full cookies like a big chocolate chip cookie or a full rice crispy treat and it's only 10 milligrams.

And if you need 75 milligrams to get good and high before you go getting a hot tub or go fucking for a long drive or what. whatever you're about to do, then it's like, that's so much to eat. Like, I can remember being in Colorado and just being like, they're not even good. They're not even fucking good. Is there a Delta 8 to real pot exchange ratio? Like currency? Like, if I'm like, oh, usually a 25 gets me where I want to go, do I need a two?

A 10? At 10. Probably a 10. 10 is about as low as you go. 10, even for a new person, is going to, like, not. be overpowering, especially for a grown man. You're going to feel stoned. You're going to feel weird.

You shouldn't drive, but you're not going to get scared on 10 the first time. You know, that's a thing. With pot, people don't seem to look at how big you are very much. With alcohol, everyone does. They see a guy who weighs 270, and they know that that's different than a girl who weighs 117. Everyone just acknowledges that. In pot, they don't seem to do that much.

It's partially because it's, It's such a crap shoot with the dosing anyway. Like, I know they lab test stuff that's medical, and I suppose they get the dosage right, but I just don't believe that it's always going to be 100% consistent. I don't know if there's a way to test that in an edible, like accurately even, the same way that you could test, say, the consistency and the potency of, like, what I'm smoking here, like this, this goo in here you could take a sample of. It's all homogenous.

But with a brownie, who's to say, if there's a little more oil in this part, of the brownie than that part of the brownie or if this bit of oil was more potent or if this got too hot over here and the cannabinoids got all like vaporized out because it was it was near the back of the oven and this one's going to be you know what I mean there's a lot of variable I've had thoughts like some nights a 25 they hits hard and other nights it doesn't I'm like is it something I did maybe I was better fed one night or is it a concoction that wasn't well stirred yeah I bet that's what it is Yeah, like sometimes you're getting a bit of a hot shot and you're like, ooh, oh boy. And then other times, not quite as much.

At least the ones I get from the legal dispensary here in Missouri, they're all, all the tens are consistent at least. So like if I take a 10, I know exactly what to expect. If I take two tens, three tens, whatever. And that's about where I cap out. Like 30 milligrams, I'm very, very high because I've kind of gone down over the years. because it's just getting scared level high like Kyle likes to do, that just does not appeal to me anymore. I don't like to get scared.

I like to get to the point where a normal man would be scared. But not you because you're a gladiator. You're a titan. I've been there so many times before. I'm like that Alex Honol guy who like free Solo's mountains. Yeah, I'm afraid. But I've been here before. And I've mastered those fears.

I do the same thing. Like by scared, I just mean an unpleasant high. like I'm never going to get too high. What makes it unpleasant is like you're like actually afraid because I know like I've been in that mix before. It's like just eat your way through the other side. So I've gotten so high plenty of times that like time dilation comes into play. Like I'm losing track of time constantly.

Like I can't get my hands wrapped around it. And as soon as I do, I lose my grip and it runs away from me again. Like I can I'll be sitting there watching the TV, watching the trailer park boys and I'm like okay this is the bumblebee episode they're about to get caught Randy's about to get caught in the bumblebee suit and then it's like oh and it's like five minutes later and I'm like oh where my five minutes go and then it's three minutes later I'm like where'd that time go and then like time is like running away from me and I'm not able to my brain isn't like the typewriter that's keeping track of like what happens minute to minute

is like not your stenographer is out to lunch he's not gonna keep his name for like minutes at a time and it can be very scary I'll get that like if I get too high and I'm like watching some show up like Seinfeld

I will sometimes be like oh sick this is the episode where Kramer gets harassed by those gay guys for not wearing not wearing the pin for the AIDS run and then it'll feel like two hours later and they're still like, why won't you put on the pin? Why won't you put on the pink?

And I'm like, oh my God, is this like a two hour episode? What is this going? Homemade edibles are like that. Like the times I've gotten like the most scary high have always been homemade edibles that I just had no concept of how powerful exactly they were going to be. That time on the show when I ate that gigantic amount of brownies. I did the math. It was a thousand milligrams. I don't remember much of that. I remember vibrating. I remember feeling like I was like, you ever like get off your motorcycle, Woody, and you still feel like you're like vibrating, you've got tingling. It was like that. I assume that's nerve damage.

Maybe or it's a little bit like after your foot falls asleep and it comes back and it's like tingling and pins and needles, but everywhere. It just felt like I was in a pins and needles suit. That was awful. That was the ideal level of high is when you get in bed and the covers are softer. and you're like, oh, oh, and you move your legs under the covers and it feels so nice. That's the, and that's only like a three out of ten. That's the ideal. That's where you want to hit.

I want to be impressed by unimpressive things. Like, I like to get good and high if I'm going to like the aquarium because every otter, every little clownfish. That's a shiny-ass doorknob right there. With the advent of like AI videos and everything, like being hot. being high on Twitter late at night. And like you come across a video where it's like Jeffrey Epstein saving Charlie Kirk. And then they do like a, like a, a, a Jai Ho style end of an Indian movie song and dance. And I'm like, what's happening?

You're just so flummoxed by the whole situation. Something I want to ask you, Craig, walk us through causing a pile up of people tripping at a Super Bowl halftime show. because you, the list of these stories is almost Forrest Gump-esque. Yeah. You just found yourself in all these situations. How'd that happen? Yeah, they were, it was a San Diego Super Bowl. It was pirate themed, the Bucks versus the Raiders.

And they just put out a casting call for dancers, like background dancers for the So I went into, I think, two rehearsals, and then they had a waiting outside the stadium during the Super Bowl. And then we ran on the field. And it was Shania Twain and Gwen Stefani. And so I'm out there dancing. I mooned again. And then like, okay, it's time for us to run off the field. And I was like, I'm going to stay out here.

I'm in the middle of the freaking Super Bowl. So I see this big cable running across about 50 yard line. I catch my foot on it and do a big old pile up and 20 people to pile up on top of me. And we got to hang out on the field some more. This is Super Bowl, I guess, 17 years ago? Yeah. The Raiders and the bucks. Can you imagine that Super Bowl?

Like, it seems so unlikely now. Are you a dancer? No. Well, I can dance. I can confidently dance badly. Oh, I can do that. Yeah. How did you get past the like tryouts?

They were just taking everybody. Yeah, they just needed enough people. It was a giant crowd of people on the field. Did you get caught mooning that time? Do you get in time? No. No, they didn't get me on. Same stadium didn't catch me that time.

You didn't matter. Yeah. You danced to man. I feel like a woman. No. That's what Zach said. Oh, yeah. I guess you did sing that.

That's hilarious. This is all just like prime back in the day trolling. This is like fucking, going to goofing around. That's hilarious. I bet that. they don't do this anymore. Like I bet now that it's so locked up.

They're like, we're going to go to this dance firm and only these people are allowed. They're not doing open calls. I don't know. I don't know. Probably because of guys like you storming the beach. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I met a guy in the Padres, in the Padre's home office.

And he knew me as naked guy. And so I said, hey, remember. That time in like 97 where some guy got arrested for moaning at the Padres game, he's like, yeah. I was like, that was me, man. He's like, oh! So he had to deal with the fallout. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. So you bribed cops into Yuana?

Twice. What happened there? Well, you know, I went to school with San Diego, so we're right across the border. So you could take the trolley all the way down to the border and just walk across and walk back. And back then you didn't need to have a passport or anything. So we were down there. Some of my friends from high school came by, took them down to T.J. We were at the clubs dancing.

And then my friend, it smells like urine all over the place. So it gives you the idea that you could just kind of pee anywhere. But the cops are looking out for that. So my friend went down an alleyway and peed and got busted by a cop. And we ended up giving him my friend's watch. And we were able to leave. Was the watch worth a lot? I have no idea.

Was he upset as if it was worth a lot? What, my friend? Your friend, yeah. No, he was just like, here you go. Like he'd done it a thousand times. Wow. And then another time I had driven down there in like a big van and I was I was over 18. I think I was like 21.

The rest of the people in the van were like 18. And I took a wrong turn. And so I needed to make, I made a U-turn. And then the cop turned on the lights. Like he was just waiting for somebody to make a U-turn. And I didn't have money on me. So they drove me to the. police station which had an ATM right next door. And they said, which one do you want to go to?

I took the ATM and I just kept taking out the smallest amount possible and they kept having me go back. It was enough and we were able to leave. How much did it end up here? I'll probably like 80 bucks. Okay. Honestly, if I'm in a foreign country, I almost hope it's the kind of country that if I get in trouble, I can like give them like $30. go away. Yeah. That would be better. Like way better than like Singapore.

They catch you like chewing gum until they cane you. Yeah. Although people say Singapore is really nice. So maybe there's something to do that. People say caning is dope. I bet it's I bet it's fun if you're not the one being caned.

It's like yeah. Look at you, public spitter. Every Dom has a stub. Every Dom has a stub. Yeah. Some people are, pay good money for that.

I think those some of those Singapore laws they gotta make sense, right? Like the don't spit in public or we're gonna cane you? I bet they don't have a lot of spit. I bet that works.

I mean, I'd rather have a little spit than get beat up. You know, so what did you got to spit? What if you just take a, you know, you need to spit. You gotta hide it. You got to swallow it? You got to swallow it.

I don't know about that one. Sometimes you can open your mouth a little. Sometimes it's not swallow quality. Yeah. That's fair. You know, maybe they are a little harsh. Yeah. I mean, I saw that Vitaly, you know, he, what country was he in?

Was he in Indonesia? He was in the Philippines or something, right? Philippines. They arrested him for, I think he threatened a woman's life and did some other. weird stuff on camera. They held it for nine months, and then they deported his ass to Russia. He's from Russia.

So he probably liked that, wasn't he? I think he's got dual citizenship, like Russian and American, and he would much rather have been sent home to America. I think we go ahead and let's cut that. Let's cut them in Russia. He seems like an okay guy. The more streamers that like make their bones

harassing people in public that we can send to Russia. That's our own little bit of like his strategy. I'm never watched him, but I'm almost sure his thing is like bothering people in public. I hate that shit. That's so rude. So back in the day, he would do some pretty funny prank bits.

He would, so he is half, he is Russian and he has a Russian accent. So he would be wearing like a black suit and he would approach someone on a park bench with a suitcase. And he would be, he would say something. He would pretend like he was making like he was making like. like a spy drop off with the briefcase and like make and just leave the briefcase with them and make them feel uncomfortable. They're like holding this briefcase full of like dossiers or whatever.

And there was a lot of stuff like that where you didn't really, he wasn't making victims of people. But I do think, like, I do remember he had that thing in Florida where he attacked a woman physically, not on stream, just, just attacked a woman on the streets. The hobby, right, right. He's like mad dog some, some civilians. A love of the game kind of thing. Yes.

I weren't even recording for that one. I'd be like if I blew up a car for shits and giggles one day. So like, I know he got in trouble for that, but then I think in the Philippines or wherever the fuck he was, I saw the clip, but it's been so long since I've seen it. He was being, like, weird and sort of, like, disrespectful, and he, like, shouted at a woman.

And I don't remember what the charges were, but they held it for nine months. And, like, on his first mugshot, he's smiling. And then in his second, and you see him in his court appearance, He is frowning with a beard And then you see him on his release thing And he's frowning even more

And he's like like shaggy hair and a beard now Like they had it for nine fucking months And he was probably getting bullied by all the Filipinos in prison I don't know about that But I bet Filipino prison fucking sucks Yeah I bet the beds are tiny You've been locked up Craig

No That was the only When I almost when I got arrested for public immunity It was the closest I've been okay is that like a drunk tank scenario or they just turned you they didn't even like take you downtown no i was they have like the holding area in the bottom of uh in the basement of the oh okay yeah and then you just had like sign a court appearance ticket type yeah yeah i got that was a a hundred dollars in a year probation oh no they tried to say that he'd like exposed himself to a minor or something if they wanted

to be like scary about it then they could they could take you downtown i wouldn't get my ass out at a ball game that. I wouldn't either, but it would be because of a self-conscious thing. Ah, yeah. I mean, you know, that'd be part of it too. It would be like people are going to see my big fat ass and they're going to see my birthing hips. I don't, I don't know that. My butt temples. Oh, the Jumbotron's probably not too, like, flattering on man-ass, I would imagine. No. I couldn't see. I was turned the other way. Fair. That's their problem.

I scoured the internet looking for a clip of you mooning at the Padres game, but it seems too lost to the times of the internet. Yeah, I have a picture of me getting arrested. Me too. What did you give a lecture about at the Vatican Museum after a Swiss guard member denied you entry? This is again just like, I can't wait to learn what's going on in the Vatican.

And then just forced government. It's crazy. I was there on a European art study. What was that? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you were there for what? A European art study tour. And so we had to, like, pick two things to learn about and then give a presentation of it. And so we were going to Louvre that day.

We were supposed to be going the next day. Just ended up there. And I was wearing shorts. You can't wear shorts to in, not the Louvre. The Vatican. The Vatican, yeah. You can't wear shorts. the Vatican.

Good rule. So I tried to sneak in. And yeah, those Swiss bike guards don't take our hijinks very well. So, yeah, he basically just pointed at me with the pike and I walked the other way, went across the street and got some skin tight pants from a street vendor and put them on. And that's how I went through to Vatican. And going around and I had studied the Laoccoa grouping. And so I was there just really into it, just talking about it and everything.

And I was there with a group of like 12 people. And when I turn around and when I'm done, there's a group of like 50 people that have gathered around us just to see what I was saying about it. So you were given kind of your own sermon on Mount right there right in front of the Vatican. So they did the same guard look at you like you piece of shit? you know what you're doing with your spanks on walking back over here yeah i technically have to let you in now i can't eskure you with my halberd here exactly halberd okay we were talking about the swiss card just the other day and how we didn't know how tough they would be like if you cross them apparently pretty tough yeah well they were in the funny costumes you know so uh is that one of

those things where like you dress something up funny just to make them tough like a boy named Sue sort of thing. It could be. Yeah. I mean, we figured out it's not easy to become one of those guys. They have like minimum height requirements and you probably also can't be fat.

Yeah. Jet Kyle. Come on. Come on. You got to suck some Catholic out. Oh, actually I said can't be fat and then four from the left.

Everybody else looks like they're hitting their dietary require. I had to cut out extra holes in his Swiss guard belt. What a fucking chumster. Look at four eyes over here. I'm not sending him into battle either. Stop it. Lots of people in the class.

You've got these guys in the front row. Slide them to the back. Can you imagine what's behind them? Oh, my God. There's a girl in there somewhere, I bet. Oh, no. I bet the Vatican's very strict on that. We checked.

We don't want any pussy in healing. is disgusting. Make me want to vomit. Yeah. Yeah, fuck these guys. I don't know. I think it's kind of neat. I think it's neat too. What they do, Kyle.

I think they do. I'm not a fan of the Catholic Church. Me and Taylor were talking this other day. I'm not sure I consider them Christians. Oh, you would probably be. I'm hearing a message from the early thousands. Time traveling. Just texting me.

One moment. Is someone going to tell us who won the 2012 election? Oh, my God. How do you know that was an option anymore? Did that dog crate kennel on the roof thing really cost Romney the win? What does your phone sound like? I have whatever the default ring. Silence.

My phone hasn't made a noise. But I think I have the same ringtone as Craig. My phone's like a beaten housewife. It don't make a peep. It just sits there and keeps its mouth fucking shut or else. It doesn't vibrate. It doesn't beep. It doesn't make a noise.

It flashes on the screen when I get a notification and I check it. It hasn't made a noise for years. I pretty much keep mine on silent. Yeah, I usually keep it on vibrate. But since it's connected to the computer, which I'm using, that's the sound the computer makes. Hilarious. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, last. Last week, I was talking about how Queen Victoria didn't bathe and you fact check me and I was wrong. And I couldn't wrap my head around why I was wrong. She was fat-hugly. It was Queen Elizabeth that I was talking about. She's the one who like, she was bathing every like two or three weeks and they thought it was odd because it was the 15-100s. She's also the hot one that Kate Blanchett played in the movie. I had all my facts right, just the fucking name wrong.

And it irked me because as soon as the show ended, I was like, it's the wrong queen. It's the wrong queen. and people think I think it's the right queen. It's not. I know it's the wrong queen. Like all day, all week, I've been annoyed by saying the wrong queen. I'm sorry about that. Elizabeth, the face was not that. You were right. You were right with everything you said, because I said Queen Victoria and it meant Queen Elizabeth. I want to talk about the Artemis thing, because I know Taylor doesn't care about it,

but for Woody's information and everyone else who love science in the future and space, they're going. I just love fucking with you about it. He doesn't love space people. He wants to cut NASA's funding. He doesn't want us ever to go to the stars. That's Taylor. He says, right here on Earth. Never leave.

No. No, we need to go to the stars. How about they actually get something done? They've done so many impressive things. There's video from like comments. You were bragging about them doing a fly around the moon in 2026. They promised to do that no sooner than 2026. So that could be any day.

It's no sooner than 2020. They said no sooner than 2025. Let me just say this. I know, look, I know they've missed lots of dates. Part of it's because of funding and part of it's because going to space is fucking hard. But you may have been there. Who else has, though? No one else has done what we're about to do but us.

And we haven't done it since like 1972. What were they about to do with this gigantic Artemis two rockets? Half century ago. It's on the landing pad or the launch pad now, apparently, I think. February 6th, no earlier than February 6th, which is like, you know, weather could happen and they could delay the day. Is there a polymarket? It's loaded up and ready to go. And they're sending four.

You and I are going to get rich on this polymarket bet. They're sending four people. They're sending a black guy, a woman, and two white dudes. And they're going to go around the moon. And they're doing like a figure eight around the moon. They're doing like multiple, like, different kinds. kinds of orbits around the moon. And they're going to be looking at the South Pole, I think,

because the South Pole is where the Artemis missions are eventually going to build their base. But the first step, just like in the early Apollo programs and stuff, is to go around the moon and come back. No, it's not like the early Apollo programs, because the early Apollo programs got us on the fucking moon. But at first, they went around the moon. The difference is between around the moon to on the moon in like 10 years. This time it will be 100.

This time it will be 100 years. No less than 100. My mistake. No less than an eon. They are trying to make us impressed for something that they did over half a century ago. I don't think they're trying to impress you. If the iPhone re-released the three, we'd be incensed. And that was like 15 years ago.

that's fucking insane it's all granular it's all shitty now by wait no other no other country has ever done what we're about to do like no other country has ever sent a person around the moon no country has ever sent a man no other country has ever sent a man nearly as far as they're going to this is what america does best we establish new finish lines that we pass first this is a good finish line it's 250,000 miles of what 200, It doesn't work as the finish line if you've already landed on the moon. The finish line is a moon base. Farthest from Earth is a record, I'll accept, though. I think that's kind of neat. We should be on Mars by now.

We should have already sent someone who died horribly to... Thank you. What do you mean? We should be on Mars. If they... Their budget's like $50 billion a year. By the way, that Mars thing is a crock of shit anyway. They got to the moon with...

a bunch of paper clips and rubber bands and slide rules. Slide rules. They kind of just went, look solid, launch it. Like, when we did it and it worked out. But they only needed food for steering with a yoke. You've seen the lunar module? Terrible. And they made that work.

I'll make fun of the limb. First of all, the limb is one of the most oppressive pieces of human technology. Oh, no, I just mean the pictures, like, where it just looks cheap and shitty. It doesn't look like 2026. technology. We could have one that's all like Chrome. Looks like a fucking MacD. I think it's a lot of casino to buy the lunar module, put some velvet rope around it and let us get up close. I would like that. They made a bunch of them. There's definitely one. Craig, where are you coming down?

Are you crazy like Kyle? Or do you think it's insane for NASA to try and bloviate about doing something they did? They're not bloviating. 60 years ago. They're sitting a woman around the moon. I need you to accept my completely unfair framing uncritically. Aren't they looking for ice, like at the poles? Yeah, there is ice at the poles. The plan is to build the moon base near the South Pole ice areas.

So that makes sense. Pop a guy down. I don't know how that's going to. Look, I don't know how that's going to work. I'd be surprised if we have a moon base by 2035. that would be very impressive to me if they did it in nine years. I doubt they will. But going to Mars is crazy anyway.

I don't know how... It's a pretty terrible planet. Well, I mean, for the people that go there, I kind of like the idea of us doing it just to put boots on it, but the idea of living there and staying there for an extended period of time, I don't know how they get back. Like, the only way that Mars things works is if they send fuel there and then land the fuel tanking stuff there

or having an orbit waiting or something. something like that because you got a free fuel to come back. It would have to be a one-way thing. Like, we need some, like, real ones. We're not sending a one-way thing. Or you can't, if you go there, you can, if you stay there for too long, you can never leave. Like, there's going to be a period of time. So, like that Eagle's song, it's like a hotel, California?

It is like the Hotel, California. Yeah, because your body's going to lose a ton of bone mass. You're going to be exposed to a ton of radiation on the way out there anyway. Because you're going to be, um, our astronaut. even when they go into the moon, they're somewhat protected by the Van Allen radiation belts and all that shit from the Earth, from the cosmic rays. But in space between Earth and Mars, you're just at the whims of reality, getting bombarded by charged particles the whole time. I thought the Van Allen radiation belt itself also was really demanding on like capsules and things on the way through it on the way out, right? I don't know why it would be.

Because it would be bombarding you with a bunch of shit, right? No, it's the magnetic field of the earth that's shielding us from the cosmic rays and the solar wind from the sun. So once we get past that is when it gets bananas. It gets much more dangerous. Yeah. If there was a solar storm, my understanding is if there was like an actual solar storm that occurred during the six months, at least it takes to get to Mars, it would just kill them all. Yeah, that would be terrible. It would just irradiate them.

Because the skin of like whatever ship they build is going to be millimeters thick of aluminum. Like that's what's titanium. Like if a, whoever goes to Mars is probably not coming to back. And they're definitely not coming back the same. I wouldn't want to go there. That's terrifying. Yeah. Well, I mean, the world.

Would they be older or younger than they would otherwise be? Younger. Younger? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The faster you go, the slower time moves for you. Yeah.

It's like that movie. I'm like, oh yeah, I did know that. This little maneuver is going to cost us 71 years. That was kind of funny. Yeah. Then that movie ends where he's just like in a weird cosmic library moving books. And he's like, wait, I get it now. Yeah.

Yeah, he's sort of transcended time and he's gained access to it. That was a frustrating way for a three-hour movie to end. I like it. I like that movie a bunch. daughter, he sees his daughter and she's all old as shit and she's on her deathbed and he goes in for like two seconds and he's like, oh, I missed you so much

and she's like, that's enough. Get out of here. And he's like, okay. And that was it because she, you know, she had to talk to her actual family, not the guy who left the... Abandoned her like 80 years before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a sad one. Now, I'm impressed

by the fucking Artemis thing. I'm nervous. I'm worried about what would happen if it were to fail and they were to blow up. Or like the scariest thing is if like, I don't know, a tank ruptured or something or a thruster fired when it wasn't supposed to fire while they're on the other side of the moon. And then they just sort of skip off into space. And it's not like fucking Star Trek. There's no like, turn us around number one. It's like, that's it.

Gravity. They'll be fine. You know what? This is in the true sense, NASA has got to tell these folks, real deal if they fake the moon landing. they've got to tell them beforehand. They've got to be like, guys, heads up, you're actually forging new ground. You're not going to get the... You definitely did not fake the moon landing.

I don't think we faked it either. I think we dominated Russia in China. I mean, I think... Flexed on them. I mean, China and Russia would have called us out on it or the Japanese or somebody because they've gone up there. Oh, the Japanese wouldn't call us out. They're our buddies.

Yeah, I don't trust the Japanese. Don't trust the Japs? Oh, come on. Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice? I don't think so. I don't think they're fun.

Not going to fool me again. Word of word to the wise. Remember Boyle Harbor. Have you seen all the Clinton? The, I guess, ambassador from Japan to Ireland is like the most pro-Irish person I've ever seen. All he posts is stuff like, oh, once again, living a wonderful life in Ireland.

I try one of their new foods. It is so fun. And then it's just like him like giving the Trump thumbs up, but like genuinely, not for like a meme. And it's like, and everybody loves him there. And that's what that's what ambassadors should be. That's great. Nice. I don't like that. That is dope.

Japanese rule. Like they've got to be one of our closest. But I mean, Europe obviously. Has you been there? No, I would love to go. I know you guys. I think he'd like it. No felons allowed there. did Kyle have you not in

no both has been there me and Craig have you been to Japan haven't been to Japan maybe just Are you not even a bunch of samurai movies though You're not even a sushi guy Are you Woody or are you I've tried it

I can't get can't grow to like it Fair enough I think that would be fun I liked that show Jiro dreams of sushi Mm hmm Where it was that guy who all he Did you ever see that documentary It's this guy named Jiro

who owned like the oldest sushi house in all of Japan. And it was about how this motherfucker dreams of sushi. Like all he does is think about sushi. And so like his, it would go through how he as a master trained an apprentice. And it's like beyond Navy SEAL level time training where he's like, you know, it's being translated. And so it's like, this is Giro's second apprentice. He has been working for Giro for 37 years. He is now 61.

He is soon to be recognized by Giro as a master. And this guy's like just another old guy, also slicing fish super thin. That's fun. I like that. I like their culture with that. They spend so much time perfecting the match. Oh, my God. He's not spending time perfecting it.

He's just cucking the guy. That's the culture that you're doing. He's like, disonderable. No, he rules. Giro rocks RIP. I assume he's dead. It was very, it was. Assistant to the sushi master.

Assistant to the sushi master. Yeah, I love, are you a big sushi documentary? I like sushi. I just won't, I don't usually have it in places that aren't on the coast. Why not? They freeze it anyway, right? Yeah, they freeze in. I mean, logically speaking, yeah, you can get anywhere in America with fish that was

caught yesterday. But then you think about that Las Vegas sells the most shrimp in the world, and it's a landlock state. Nevada is the landlock states. It just doesn't seem right. Yeah. I mean, I think of shrimp is like near the lower tier of seafood. Still tasty, but like you can, you can nab that anywhere. It's going to be a lot of people that don't like fish, you'll still eat shrimp. Yeah. Well, we will get back to more debates about But first, we're going to hear from Blue Chew, folks. Blue Chew. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Let's talk about sex. Guys, shouldn't you always be at your best?

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going to be you can stick your finger to the tip of your dick and stretch it three feet there's so so much precom really leaking yeah what causes the pearl essence that's now that I heard this from Derek is one of God's great mysteries no there's something in there I don't remember which one actually I don't remember I think it's the selenium that causes the perolescence and also adds to some of the increased. This is the most hilarious product. I give a girl a candy paint job.

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Oh, man. I need to check my mail then. Yeah. That reminds me when I found out my friend was a porn star. Was he at least like a straight porn star? Yeah.

This is there. Well, his stage name is small hands. He's all tatted up. He's to... He's the singer of a band that my friends... Is he president? Let's take a peek at this. I have found him.

Oh, and I know pretty well now. He's got like a tiger on his stomach. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. He's still. He's still a little small hands. Look me up. Okay, hold on.

This is just what I typed in small hands porn. This is the first thing that was on X videos slash porn stars. So I think this is him. Oh my goodness. Okay. And I think I can't tell yet. I can't get a good front of him to see the tiger. He's all tatted up.

He's got like a big rose on the side of his head. He's got a whole fucking cornucopia on his back. Ten pictures of him. You see him fucking his green bitch? I'm looking at it right now. And look at how much to her, like, hilarious.

Look at how much her like clam paint faded. She's green. Like, like, like the Lady Hulk or whatever. It looks like she's doing like that. She's a very low rent. I don't see that picture.

I can say small hands really like swimming. Is that what he's about? I connoisseur. I'm pretty sure. I might see the, And, you know, you did with the director, asked of you, Woody, you know? Not everything is going to be your favorite thing.

It's probably method. Oh, how can I get into the mind of this guy? I just don't know. Apparently, it was for a word. Being a method, porn, star is so. I have to be Jack Sparrow. You're doing like an intruder porno, and you're actually stealing things from the set on your way out.

You got to make sure that guy claps. on the way out. You can tell he's not carrying anything. You never heard that joke. It must be such a weird job. Like, I've seen, like, behind the scenes porn, and it seems like it's very, like, casual and everybody's having a good time.

Like, I've seen, like, the cameraman, like, he's, like, snacking while he records or whatever. Like, no, everybody is completely beyond the wonder of, like, naked people. They do it all day, every day. Yeah, like what I've seen from behind the scene stuff is they have like a bunch of shots they want to get you know a couple different positions and this is how they wanted to end and they're just like do you have enough reverse cowgirl all

right let's move it on to the next thing we got it and they're just here to get the film and then they'll edit it later it does seem like it's beyond anything that's like passionate yeah it doesn't seem fun it doesn't seem fun it just seems like don't come don't fucking come I have to 45 fucking minutes 18 positions and three women wait am I allowed to come he started

David one star and she's like you should do movies with me you know what it paid yeah I don't know I think I've heard that the guys make like a thousand or $1,500 a movie and the women make

like five ten times that I wonder if it's changed or wonder how it's changed because of the internet, right? Because like back in the day, people would buy VHS or DVDs or something and there was some sort of revenue model here. You have to own your porn. Does anyone pay for professional porn? Only fans. I hear you, but that's not the kind of professional porn I have my mind on. Like, only fans seemingly all solo girls or at least mostly.

my guess is that the like big websites pay to have it produced so that they can then put it behind like money wall paywalls to get like the good stuff or the definitely the 4K stuff because it just business model of there being like a porn studio that just films pornoes and then sells the DVDs like i i got to imagine that that world has just really withered on the pie yeah like yeah i know it's a thing but I wonder if there's DVDs in general. If there's like undeveloped countries that don't have like good internet. Streaming abilities. Yeah. I bet in. Yeah, DVDs are probably big in India still. India.

VHS. They know what they're doing. Betamax. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I just wonder how it's changed. And I wonder if it's almost like a UFC thing where it's like, yeah, we pay you a little, but it's, we gave you fame, and it's on you to parlay that into some sort of

It's not a job. It's an opportunity. Right, right? Like Connor McGregor got paid by the UFC, but that's not where he made the bulk of his money. Sure. Yeah, he did all the other stuff. The events this weekend, this first Paramount event. Kayla Harrison already dropped out with a neck injury. She's already had her surgery and is recovering. And I think there is some talk that the main event might have an issue because Gathe I think has staff on his neck. And I think they told him if it doesn't improve significantly before fight time, they're going to replace him with Armand Zarnukian or whatever his name is. I think I got that like 90% correct. And he'll fight Patty. And I think Patty's going to lose no matter what.

I'm going to place a bet later tonight. I think it's like two to one odds or something like that. I haven't looked lately. I got to do something to hedge my football bet because I took the Bron. Broncos to win the Super Bowl, plus $1,100, put $100 on it. So I get to make $1,000 if the Broncos win the Super Bowl. I placed that bet a month and a half, two months ago, or something like that. Broncos win the AFC championship.

Quarterback breaks his foot. Quarterback breaks his fucking foot. I think they've got the number one defense in the NFL still, but we got a crippled fucking quarterback. And I hear the backup's good, and I think they even got a second backup, you know, and added him to the roster, but it's not looking good because either the Seahawks or the Rams seem to be the best team. The real Super Bowl is this Sunday, the Seahawks versus Rams. They're the best two teams in the league, if you ask me.

But you could place a bet today on the Broncos to get better odds than I got a month and a half ago. That's how bad they are. It's like plus 1,200 on the Broncos to win the Super Bowl now, and they're a game away from it. So very disappointed. Having said that, Eagles face the Patriots in the Super Bowl with a backup quarterback and did they won.

So Patriots, not good against backup quarterbacks, just saying. I need to win the Super Bowl for the bet to pay off. So I have to look past the Patriots to the Seahawks. Looking back to the Patriots, always a winning strategy. I was so happy when I watched that game. They came from all year they've come from behind in the fourth quarter over and over and won. That's why I placed the bet on them. I was like, these guys are clutch.

Like, you can't, you can't get these guys out of the game. Because, like, every single game, they'd be behind in the fourth quarter, and they just rally and come from behind and win the thing. It happened four or five games in a row or something. I think they won 11 games this year. I think they won't 11 games this year. They won the fourth quarter. Didn't they?

Am I wrong? I might be wrong. But I thought they were winning. And then the other team came back to tie, but then they won an overtime. They went back and forth. I don't remember the exact, like, cadence of it. But they ended up.

up winning by a touchdown or a field goal in overtime. It was a wild game. There was like a really controversial catch slash no catch on the poor bills. Their quarterback was crying at the end. I felt bad about that. And then also that week, the week before, rather, when the Steelers lost and Aaron Rogers, like, I guess it's kind of the end of his career most likely. And then their quarterback, then their coach retires in the locker room.

everybody's crying, everybody's apologizing for their failures. It's so sad. They booing Aaron Rogers off the field. It was rough. I felt terrible for Aaron Rogers. I like that guy. He's fun. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm an Eagles fan. We're not, I don't know much about losing. Wow. You're not in the playoffs. We're defending Super Bowl champions. No, you're not.

The Finch is over. Technically. No longer defending. You were the former NFL champions. They were the defending champions. Well, then who's the Super Bowl champion right now? You are.

You are. I don't know if you guys get to hang on to that trophy. He gets a little bit of the credit. I mean, he invented the tush push. So he's got that going for it. I like that. He calls it a little something different, though. But he invented it.

Greg, no, I put my own spin on it. So I've always been fascinated by eating competitions. And I see that you, Chiz says you participated in a floutist eating competition, which tells me you didn't perform well. Well, I was, I was, I had an advertising agency at the time. I owned it. And one of my clients wanted to put on a floutating competition to, you know, advertising the company. and they needed people to go on the news at like 5 a.m. And eat as many floutes as they can.

Flout as ours. I wouldn't want to eat a bunch at 5 a.m. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I won, but I did not want to do it again. So I could have competed in the real competition, but that would have been against like real actual competitive eaters.

I wouldn't have done anything. How many did you put down and in what time? I think they did it. They timed us for a minute and I got down six. Oh, okay. They're like pretty normal. The audience or like Hispanic food with like meat and cheese and a tortilla, right? It's like, yeah, it's a, it's like a tequito that's in a flour tortilla.

Okay. And then fry, yeah. Damn. Six in a minute. That's solid, clearly enough to win. But I've also watched that Japanese guy and the true king of competitive eating, Joey Chestnut. Yeah. That guy, you know, back in the day, it was all about Kobayashi.

Seems like Joey Chestnut is like the undisputed goat of competitive eating. I don't know. Do you follow it at all? I don't too much. I just see the Nathan's thing every year. Oh, it's that to me. You probably won't get a fuck No, I don't follow it very much

But I saw a documentary That was about this guy That was a competitive eater And he was there He had gotten together With his competitive eater friends And they went to like an all you can eat buffet And they had an intervention for him

They're like, it's not We're not always training He's like, I understand that I just thought we were training this time. A nightmare for that poor golden corral owner to be like, oh my God. They eat me out of house. They're eating every bit of, they took the whole tray of chicken wings. They took the whole thing.

Being a competitive eater seems fun, but it hurts. It hurts. Yeah. Really. I wonder if you age out of it. I was looking. He's 42 Joey Chestnut. So, like, I would guess you couldn't dominate in your 60s.

At what point do you fall off? I think, didn't he, like, set a new record for number of hot dogs in the last couple years? Maybe. So it's not 42, I guess, but at some point. Holy fuck. He's the 17-time Nathan's hot dog eating champion, which is, like, my understanding is that's like the, that's like the, you know, PGA tour for these guys.

is like the Nathan's hot dog thing. He won from 2007 to 2014 and then from 2016 to 2023 and then again in 2025. Also, the nine times world eating champion. Yeah. Wow. Did he specialize in different?

I think he, one of those years, maybe it was 2024, they didn't let him compete because he had signed some like super lucrative deal with like a vegan hot dog company. And Nathan's was like, no, you moron. You have to eat Nathan's hot dogs at the Nathan's hot dog thing.

Like you can't like bring your own. That kind of ruins the whole, the whole game, doesn't it? And they wouldn't let him play. But I think he got all the beyond meat or whatever it was, sponsor money, which, yeah, 17-time winner. We were talking about Gretzky and Brady numbers.

Tom Brady, aim higher, right? take down Joey Chestnut. You know what? I don't think he can. Just like I don't think Joey Chestnut's going to be chucking any pigskins. When was the last time Tom Brady ate a hot dog? Probably forever.

Doesn't he have like 10? Right. Like he doesn't even eat like onions and super common things. Better looking at 45 than he is 25. Yeah, he looks like a fucking goober at 25. And now he's like a total king.

So that's pretty sick. You know what I'm talking about? You've seen his like draft day picture. Looks like fucking man out there. I have to imagine. He looks very soft. He looks very soft and casual. He just looks like a dude.

Yeah. Obviously diet and exercise, but it's hard to believe he's not on some sort of steroid routine. I'm sure he is now. I bet he is now, yeah. I would imagine he probably start. Maybe he was on TRT like the last five, six years of his career, maybe even. You think that's it? I feel like you've seen what he looks like natural in his rookie photos.

Well, I mean, he doesn't look like that insane now. Like, they're on the right. Like, that's not Captain America. That's just, I mean, not Captain America, but it's... How tall is he, six four? Dude, that guy on the right is the best quarterback of all time. Like, the guy on the left. But not yet.

But I just, it's an uncommon trajectory for someone to get that much better from 25 to 45. Yeah, but he spent those years being a professional athlete and training. He spent the first 25 years being a professional athlete essentially. But like, where do you go to college and high school? I mean, that picture on the left looks like he's about to be made to stand in a T-pose on a box in Abu Ghra. like only electrical wires or something like he just doesn't look like an elite athlete there his arms are long he looks simian yeah i mean i bet his arms are long and i bet his hands are huge like that's probably part of throwing the ball well right being tall as well like tall long arms big hands

because i otherwise i would because i i feel like that's like i've always thought it was interesting that the more than other sports has like these almost like slave auctioneer metrics where they're like get a load of this guy's hands we took a hand measurement and we also made them lift a heavy thing see how many times you could do it and then we made them dance for us and it's like I love the combine the combine's fucking cool I like seeing because like sometimes it's hard to like gauge just how athletic somebody is but the combat is the perfect measure of that they get that I see him do that vertical leap, see them run the 40. And even the big guys, like, even the guys who are like 300 pounds are running so fast, so much faster than I can ever run. It's terrifying.

That's the impressive shit when I see. I think they do like a, maybe it's 225. 25. Yeah, they do 225 for reps. And like I think the record's like over 50 or something. Justin Ernest, I just looked that up. Justin Ernest did 51 reps with, 225, which is a lot. I think it was the year he retired. I'm not positive, though, but Jason Kelsey, he was a center for the Eagles. He was watching his brother play in some playoff game. And he's big on, like, drinking beer and, like, being with the fans.

That's, like, part of his thing. And he jumps out of the skybox window, like, drinks with the fans and then jumps back in. And he was so athletic. And, I mean, I've seen him a million times on his podcast. And I just almost forgot he was going to move like a professional athlete. And he jumped in and out of that window, even though he's kind of a big fat guy at the time. It was wild to me. You forget how athletic the big fat guys in the NFL are.

Yeah, because it's not really fat as much as they're like built as hell. And then they have, then they add fat around their gigantic jacked forms. Because they're strong as fuck. They're prepared for a bad winter. They're strongest. you're saying the NFL. That was one of the comments.

I don't know if you've seen that montage. There's this there's this chubby news anchor lady and she gets like all these like mean slash flirting comments and one of, she was reading like the top 10 best ones and one of them was like,

she looks like she could survive a harsh winter. The hardest working ankles in showboos. And then the That's one was like, she's as thick as zoo glass. I like that one. I like that one. Oh, damn, that's one that I wish I'd thought of.

That's funny. And she is. Like, she's like, she's like, she's definitely overweight and too overweight. She's gone beyond thick. But she's also like very pretty and like pretty well built. And it's, she's too thick, but it somehow hangs on her optimally. Most people with that level of body fat Start getting folds that you don't want

And she somehow avoids that Maybe she's got spanks on or something Did you ever hear of Richie Incognito? No He was an NFL What position was this guy? An NFL Guard

Who is like one of the biggest Humans I've ever seen Just as far as like overall size And apparently this guy Richie Incognito, which is a sweet name, by the way. Richie Incognito, that's awesome. Apparently, he was a problem even in NFL locker rooms for being a bully. Do you know how huge you have to be to be a bully in an NFL locker room?

And for people to be like, I don't want to upset Richie. I don't want him. Seems like he's going to lose his fucking mind. He'll make you incognito. Yeah, he'll make you incognito. That's cool. but they just look fat as fuck but you can tell based on how they move

that they're not normal fat guys because I see normal fat guys at the store all the time and they can't jump or move. You know, I don't believe that about the sumo guys. The sumo guys are awake. Did you ever see the sumo guys with the NFL linemen there? And the NFL linemen's job was to move the sumo guys

and the sumo guys were laughing at them in a way that like maybe is cool in Japan but pretty rude here. it's probably both yeah I mean that makes me I mean that makes sense

I would imagine that they would be good at the one thing that they do which is not go get pushed out of that circle then why don't we grab a couple of those guys throw them on the line

in the NFL because they probably don't have they don't have the chop feet they can't chop their feet they can't move fast enough I think there's a lot of like people who are amazing at other sports

how many of them could excel at football like are there any track stars we've overlooked who maybe would make amazing wild wide receivers or a runback kick um i think it's the other way around i think there's tons of people in the nf i think the nfl is the highest paying most prestigious sport that draws from the largest talent pool so in what you've probably got is a lot of nfl players who could be the greatest swimmers the greatest sprinters the greatest baseball players the greatest whatever uh m mhmers for sure i bet i bet there's been a guy in the NFL in the last, there's a guy in the NFL right now that could be the

baddest man in the planet if instead of football he'd picked up some boxing gloves when he was four and been working at that his whole life. He'd stomp anybody. I think basketball players are far more athletic than most NFL players. There aren't many who could. And you know who else would say that. I definitely disagree there. Basketball players earn so much more. If NFL players could play in the NBA, they would. They don't get hurt. They earn more because the, uh, the, the, the roster is so limited. It's hard to make the NBA. So it's more distributed.

Tony Gwynn has like the still holds the San Diego State basketball like scoring record. And he had a choice to either play professional basketball or professional baseball. He chose baseball. I mean. Baseball makes money too. They might make more than basketball. They get some bananas contracts over there in baseball. Basketball is the highest.

Basketball is like. The problem with that, well, yeah, because basketball roster is like, what, 11 guys? What about peak for peak? Like, like, oh, highest paid athlete? Yeah. Oh, that's going to be soft. That's not going to be one of ours.

They gave that, the Saudis gave that guy like a, I don't know, it's like hundreds of millions of dollars or something to come play on that team. I don't know what I'll call the American sports. I always thought the highest paid guy was going to be a baseball player. And I'm not, I just, we seem to have these like half million dollar contracts or something. Like, yeah, ridiculous stuff. Who's that Japanese stuff? LeBron James is the highest.

It looks like, let's see, LeBron James, Steph Curry, Patrick Mahomes, Lamar Jackson. He's like 45, isn't he? It's not like they pay him less every year. Oh, I thought you're talking about current contracts. I didn't know you're doing. I think I am. He leads. he leads with a combination of his Lakers salary

and a significant off-court income from Nike investments. Oh, get rid of sponsorship stuff. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, yeah. Now, sponsorship is fair. It's just not the metric I want to use. Like, Michael Jordan might be

the highest athlete right now. And it's like, yeah, Jordan still sell. Okay, look at this. Juan Soto, baseball, $765 million dollar contract, 15 years. He has the law. largest total contract in U.S. sports history,

surpassing Shoho Atani's $700 million deal for the Dodgers. Mahomes is getting paid $450 over 10 years. Looks like Jason Tatum got a $315 million extension. And then it's a lot of baseball players. Mike Trout, $426 million. Mookie Betts, 365, Aaron Judge, 360. And then a couple NBA guys. Jason Tatum and Jalen Moore both have 3-100 million-dollar contracts.

You can't even really count in some ways because they don't have a cap. All it takes is some billionaire owner deciding to sign a big check. Whereas in the NBA, the NHL, the NFL to a lesser extent, I think you can pay penalties in the NFL for going over a cap. I don't know. I thought there was a cap in baseball. They just paid a penalty. Yeah, but that like gets rid of, that means there's not really a cap. Fair.

Is NBA hard? The NBA has several levels of cap. And the first one, you just pay a money penalty. But then there starts to be real, like, team penalties. Like, you lose draft picks and shit. So teams tend not to want to go past what they call the second apron. Is there, is the NHL the only true hard cap professional league? Like, you are not allowed to go over it?

It might be. But the basketball penalties are so bad. Like, teams don't do it. Fair enough. Interesting. Man, I'm looking at the, I'm looking at the, the, the, the, the, uh, the, uh, MLB, um, payrolls, like the top 25 or whatever. Dodgers, 386 million dollars a year on their fucking team.

Jesus Christ. The Braves are, the Braves pay a hundred and 20 million less to their players. And they're in sixth place. You go all the way down to like, oh my God. some of these teams at the bottom. It's at the bottom, like the Padres, the Athletics. White Sox have a $67 million team. Oh, my God.

That's lower than any team in the NHL. Less than one-sixth. It's about one-sixth of what the Dodgers pay. It seems like baseball's weird in that they take losing years sometimes. I remember the Marlins did it one year. They, like, won the World Series, if I recall, and they just got rid of every good player and had the lowest. It was, so that was the 99 Marlins.

If I remember correctly, they had all these young players that they had developed who had just all come to come into their primes at the same time. And they just got hot in the playoffs and they won if I remember correctly. But in the next year, all these guys, they can't afford to keep them because they're all going to go on to big. They just proved what they can do in the series. You know, the Dodgers and Yankees of the world are like, yeah, I want that pitcher. I want that catcher. I want that first baseman. And they just picked them clean.

There aren't many other sports where you lose your whole team after a good year. Like sometimes their contracts just happen to end after they win a championship. Yeah. Sometimes teams are poised to win multiple championships and then fucking COVID happens. And then the cap can't go up. And so you lose your all-star defenseman and one of your best forwards for nothing in the office. What are we talking about your local badminton squad or something? You know.

Right after the Blues. the Stanley Cup in 19. We had it right in the bag. Right in the bag. You could have changed that championship profile. Before you get a second asterisk championship, ooh, that'd be great for you. This would hurt my feelings if you knew your ass from a hole in the ground

when it came to hockey. I mean, you know it's true. I bet if I search asterisk Stanley Cup, it'll just be nothing but the blues. What you'll find is like the Canadians winning in like 1942 because all the other players went to them for more. Yeah, no, very disappointing. But we're still in prime sports time.

Super Bowl hasn't happened yet. I was saying earlier, but if the Broncos fall out of them, we're going to be so upset because of that goddamn broken foot. That's such bullshit that I want to win this one. I already lost my Georgia bet. That $50 is gone. I'd like to win this $1,000. That'd be sick.

Kyle, you're the guy mining. And you're a, you're a. How to strike diamonds, you just have to keep gambling. And some people say the bet more than you're comfortable with. And yeah, bet over your head, they say, not with your head. Gina wealth is sports betting and bravery. Yes, yes. Fortune favors the bold, as they say at place your bet here.com.

I am going to place a bet on this UFC fight to try to try to squat, quashed some of my losses on the Georgia game. I was going to say I watched the movie called Bad Lieutenant Today with Harvey Kiteau. It's about this like dirty cop who smokes crack and his life is falling apart. And it's coinciding with, I think the Mets are playing the Dodgers for the National League championship. And I think the Mets fell behind three games, four games to none. And Harvey Kytel's character is this degenerate gambling cop who's, again, smoking crack and he keeps betting on the team that's you know behind four games to none and they

keep winning and he keeps doubling his bet and he's betting with the mob and his buddy's like these guys will blow your fucking house up all right they'll kill your fucking wife he's like i'm going to be okay and like and and like while he's like smoking crack and run around solving crimes in the background there's always a radio broadcast or the tv's playing and he's lost again he's losing again and every time he loses he's like double the bet double the bet you know what he at game seven he has a hundred twenty thousand dollars worth of like nineteen ninety money as a detective bet on this fucking game and they lose and it was like i was feeling stress for him as he was like losing money he didn't have to the mob and in the end they literally shoot him in the head that's how

the movie ends they like drive up next to him and shoot it hey ka and like shoot him in the face and drive away. That's how the movie ends. They didn't even lean on him for more money. They just... He didn't have it. He didn't have it. He had bet so far over his head. He wasn't going to have it. It's $120,000. I might be falling for propaganda,

but I've started to think Polymarket might be a better indicator than some of the other polls or prognosticators. And politics is one thing, but I was really thinking, like, didn't they predict all the Oscar winners? Like, there was leaked information. Didn't Polymarket?

Polymarket's getting, I'm told, a lot of shit really right. It's hard to get right. And they think that results are getting leaked. I could see, like, I've. I'm on there right now. I've never seen this website. Because like, yeah, it's a predictive bet market. And so this is cool.

People will bet things. Like one guy made like $115,000. I saw online because he bet $4,500 that Trump would say, Somalis are low IQ during his most or during like a given speech or a time where he was speaking and that a guy bet

there would be a streaker at a World Cup game and then streaked himself to make it true. That's cheatery. I don't know about that. I don't think you can behave in such a way that you barely paid off. The story I heard was that that paid off. I don't know what's true.

I didn't backcheck it. But yeah, Polymarket apparently is getting a lot of stuff really right. Oscars, video game award, stuff like that. Green one here. Yeah, it has a bunch of politics things, which is interesting. It's not every. Yeah. It tends to be right more often than some of the Nate Silver is.

I think you're right. Like when people are, when mass numbers of people are putting money on it, you can kind of believe a little more as opposed to like a, you know, calling some boomer and being like, what do you think? and they're like, well, I'm glad. I'm just glad someone called. I tended to push back against that, like the presidential elections. I'm like, look, there are long established things who trade on their reputation, doing this for decades, yada, yada, yada, yada. And then, like, I don't know, the last two elections,

polymarkets been better than the pros. Yeah. I wonder what it says about the 20. I wonder what it says about the next election. I can tell you, because I looked at it, being curious. And basically it had it 50-50. I thought the Democrats would be heavy favorites to win, like, you know, pendulum swinging back in the other direction.

But what I did is I added up, like, all the Democrats who had more than like a 1 or 2% chance of winning and the Republicans, and it was basically tied. So the Democrats spread out a little farther amongst a bunch of like 10% and 12% chances. And the Republicans are dominated by like J.D. Vance and Marco Rubio. like just two. Yeah. But, you know, when you looked at all the Buddha judges and Shapiro's and Kamala's and added them up, it was about the same.

And I didn't expect that. I would expect that to be about 50-50 now because we're still so far out. Like so many things that could have. Jaydie Vance, I called it. I called the next president before we had the current president. It would be J.D. Vance, he's going to be the next president of the United States. I think the incumbent has a huge advantage. He has access to the fucking president.

plane and the prestige. He's got the former president with her for whatever that's worth. It's worth different amounts in different places at different times. And I think as long as Trump doesn't really step in shit, I think it can be J.D. Vance, especially if J.D. Vance has the balls to do what Kamala did not have and distance himself from Trump's less popular moves and moments. See, I'm not quite as granular as you. I like Vance because for too long, have been traditionally attractive until I want a fellow moonfaced guy in charge. A guy who just like I rely on my beard, he relies on his. That guy gets me.

And eyeliner and social awkwardness. That's not eyeliner. I love that. Yeah. He plays into the memes and whatnot. I don't even think I know exactly what he looks like anymore. This is real photo. That has to be real because he's not, his face isn't too fat, but he's still moon.

He's still a moon-faced boy. That's the guy and there's a roll with the punches, all right? Yeah, he can't dislike it because. No, that really is real. That's his Halloween costume. Oh, yeah, he did. He did do this as a Halloween because it is, the JD Vance memes are very funny. The meme of him, like in an AI video being 70 to 150,

pounds heavier than he actually is breaking into Maduro's like headquarters with the net with red eyes coming for you like in Maduro's in the back like that's where we're at right now politically and so I would see the sonogram of the because you know who I don't identify with some hot tall like Gavin Newsom

like Gavin Newsom with that angular nose and those beautiful cheeks not me not me yeah my fucking gall bones not relatable I have falsely been thinking that Trump is going to be like a stink on anyone who supported him and it hasn't come true yet. Nice. That little JD Vance face is so funny.

That is good. The Trump one leaves something to be desired. It could be fun of your head. It changes. Like as he's like reacting to things, they like threw a different Trump face on and haven't really react to stuff. It's I have I think this season of South Park, for one thing there hasn't been a new episode in like five six weeks i don't know what's happening but um there's like five episodes out i like the trump stuff because i'm so looking grossed with

politics anyway but i could definitely imagine it's a very low rated season for all the people who are just sick of trump or just want some old school south park something that's episodic and you know stand alone kenny adventure followed by a fucking let's steal christmas back from from fucking Santa Claus or whatever. About a Cartmane, Kyle, dual adventure. You know, some Randy shit. You'll be happy to know they got away from Integrity Farms. That's literally on full reset.

Integrity Farms, I've said it before. In 2016, Tegrity Farms is what, to me, was a very obvious, dramatic fall-off from South Park. Them going from episodic to full seasons just does not vibe with that show. Like the episodic silliness is what like sucked me in. You never knew what you were going to get week to week. You would get fun times with weapons where Butters is like dressed like a dog.

The ninja stars at him. You would get Scott Tenerman must die. You would get these wonderful episodes that were so funny. And then they tried to make it a full season thing. And it just doesn't vibe. And I don't know if you're still doing that. But I haven't seen any of this season. but my friends who are really into South Park

and stuck with it through Tegrity Farms really dislike this season. They're like, it's all about Trump. I want silly South Park stuff. So they do an A-plot-B-B-B-plot. They do an A-plot-B-plot-B-plot, but A-plot is always Trump. A-plot is always Trump.

They tie B-plot in sometimes. Like, they tie them together. So, like, butters will be getting, like, Laboo-Dalls for girls because, or whatever. Oh, they've sunk further than I even imagine. tangent. They've always been like really topical on like whatever's happening in the moment. Like Kyle was playing 400K with with Tolkien like maybe last year or something like that. Remember when they played guitar hero or something like that? You know, there's been lots of those.

I just agree with you. I like the three episode arcs like Imagination land. I think it's the best South Park has ever been. imagination land was hilarious because it had a plan. Like, do you remember, I guess it was probably 2016 when they had a whole plan for a season after Hillary won? And then they clearly had to throw the whole thing out. And it just didn't work right, which fair enough to them. Like they had their... They didn't think Trump was going to win. Nobody did.

It was such a fucking... Go the way they wanted. What do you think, Craig? Are you a big South Park guy? Do you think they've kind of fallen off as well? Well, I used to watch it all the time. And I wasn't watching it at all until this season. And so it brought me back.

I've watched this entire season. I thought it was hilarious. Yeah, I like the Trump stuff. You like the overarching, like continuous plots the way they do it? Well, the only continuous thing, I know you were asking him, but to be to like clarify, the only continuous thing is they check in with the White House. You go to the White House and you see, what is Donald Trump? and J.D. Vance and

Stephen Miller and Robert Thiel or whatever his name is. Like those and Peter Thiel. Peter Thiel. And Secretary of War, whatever his fucking name is. The whole gang. All of them. Well, they all get their own episodes.

Like each of them has their own episode. Like, and I like it. I want, I want absurdity. I want nonsense in my South Park. I want to be laughing at the absurdity of the situations they find them. themselves in. Well, they changed danger zone. They changed the words

to Pete Hegseth is a fucking douche. And it works. Dude, there's the lyrics to it. At first, it's kind of funny. Pete Hegs Seth is a fucking douche. And like, Pete Hegseth is like taking selfies

and fast roping from a helicopter being a piece of shit. But then the lyrics like get a little mean. They're like, everybody's laughing at you. Yeah. All your kids friends, they're all laughing at you. It's like naming the people in his real life. This is embarrassing for me to hear you relay. Like this. So to me, it seems like they're coming off less satirical and more angry. More like trying to make a point when they just got to be made on the merits of the humor. Not, I mean, part of I think why they're so part of I think why they're so vocal about it is because Paramount gave him that gigantic, deal, that billion dollar deal or whatever. And I think CBS is paramount. And, you know, all the, CBS is kind of censoring the news for Trump at his back in call seemingly. And they're kind of

sticking their thumb in the eye of the network, Paramount, CBS and the administration all at the same time by saying like, you know, it's bullshit. But I agree. If you don't like the Trump stuff, you won't like the new season. Like you have to be looking forward to seeing Trump stuff. I just don't want that to be the domineering thing. I want more silly billy stuff from South Park. Well, there's like, they're worked into the world of South Park. So like Pete Hegsef, like, descends upon the South Park turkey trot. The turkey trot in its own right is funny, but when Pete Heggsets gets there, I think it's even funnier. I like the season, but I like all South Park. There's very little South Park that I don't like. There's maybe like...

See, it makes me, like, I trust your takes on so much media. I don't like the C or, I don't All right. So what I don't like... The tagrity farm stuff tells me that you and I disagree on what makes South Park good. I don't like the Tegrity Farm stuff. I just don't mind that Randy's in a different house. The stuff that focuses on the weed business itself, maybe three episodes, four episodes over the course of six years. You know, it's not like every... It pulled Stan away from the core gang.

Yes, it did, but through the magic of animation, he's able to get in, you know, know into town and hang out with his buddies and go to school of them and stuff so it's not a real drag and i i like the towley stuff it brings towely into it and Tolkien's family they bought the weed farm across the road and so told and and his dad is sort of leaning into it like yeah this is real weed not that cracker weed and like stealing randy's fucking business away and there's this i like all that okay what i didn't like was during covid they did all those specials they did all those like paramount like hour long.

I watched the COVID special and it just, it didn't feel like South Park. And I know, I'm just like I'm stuck in my ways. I don't like when shows change their format. Do you think it jumped the shark?

I think they jumped the shark with Tegrity Farms. I think that Matt and Trey realized they were bored as hell doing regular South Park after so many years. And they were like, we need to create for ourselves a way

to write this in a different way or we're just going to get burnt out and end it. And so I get why they did that. It just didn't play to me the same way. Because I don't want to see Randy run in a weed farm. I want to see Randy being like a semi-inept geologist. Like that's the same thing. He is again. He is once more.

Oh, good. Yeah. They literally did the full reset and they got their house back in the last episode. And like the posters are on the, it's full reset. Like Christmas miracle. Christmas miracle. that's good then because they needed to do a reset because the seasons leading up to tegrity farm you could also see a change in mat and tray where they started as kiles pointed out that they started making randy a bigger character

because they started identifying with him more because they're older they're they're aging and randy as a main character is fucking hysterical yes he's so funny like that dad the bat dad episode where he like just is like shan i just can't do it I can't keep getting in fights at the Little League games. And she's like, you don't have to get in fights with other dads. He's like, I appreciate you saying that. As if everyone expects him to be a violent retard. That's very funny, very well done. But yeah, it's disappointed.

The same way with Sonny. Like, Sunny was such a great show for so long. And then they all, they got a little to Hollywood. they got a little too far and the last few seasons just haven't been great. I liked the last season. And it doesn't make the first 10 seasons any less good.

Those are classic. They'll be gold forever. But it's just... I can look past the bad episodes and there are some, especially with Sunny. And I can appreciate it. Like, I really liked that episode where they're micro-dosing hot peppers and running a bootleg

ambulance. They're not... They buy an ambulance and you forms and become paramedics and they just start answering emergency calls with no experience while they're also microdosing like super hot peppers to like keep them on edge and like Mac is doing like a mui caliente dance the whole time while sweating profusely trying to give CPR to people. I love that. I thought that was funny. That was a decent one.

But I don't know. Do you feel the same way, Craig? A lot of these classic comedy shows like maybe they've just gone too long. well you know Seinfeld went out on top um and so there's there's the balance of wanting to make more money and when to call a show you know even if the show's going bad it can still make money like uh when happy days jump the shark literally with Fonzie going out they just stayed in it because they can make money yeah yeah i guess they'll just continue with that i don't know does it ever feel like we're than like a stuck culture, like pop culture. Yeah, because we're re-making the same thing over and over and over. Yeah, it's like, it's just the same IPs over and over. You're choosing it, right?

But my man, I haven't watched a Simpson more recent than season four. And he's like, does it feel like we're stuck in 1998 for some reason? I wish. I wish we go back in 1990. You know what? I sit here and I watch old Seinfeld and lift weights. and I start to wonder, oh, yeah,

we might be a little bit stuck. All right. Tusha on that. But like, when I do watch New South Park, new Simpsons, new. I know.

I know. I, I branched out to 2006 King of the Hill. And I feel like I'm in a rut. I am. I'm just a grinch, really. I always said,

There's something like something died inside of you. Some, some little bit of like innocence and joy. I took the pills. It's just not there anymore. You can't appreciate these wonderful things. Like what your lack of like enthusiasm for us go like going around the moon and coming back. That's so insane to me that somebody's going to go do that.

That's so terrifying. Yeah. I saw the spaceship they're going in. It's not that big. History, right? Or has it been done? in the past. But like, please tell me it hasn't been done in like the way past. It hasn't. We've never gone past the moon. We're doing the same thing we did. But we have. We've gone around the moon a bunch of

We had. Wait, what? Wait, you're saying. I said we did when like Fonzie was like a relevant character. Back when I thought Fonzie was actually tough. The thing is no one has ever done it that wasn't an American, first of all. No other countries managed to do this before. Or Yes, America. And yes, we did it in 72, I think, was the last time we made a loop around the moon. Who was the first time we did it? Probably 67. Are we going farther?

We need to break a record or something. It seems like we're going to be right there. So my father was three the first time they did it. What is your point? I feel like you're building my case. It hasn't been done in 50 fucking years. No one has been able to do it. And we're going back.

the point of our going back is this is a stepping stone to landing on the moon in a year or two and then building a moon base in five or ten years after that. This is the thing happening that you're always asking for. And you're like, biggest rocket ever? What a bunch of bullshit. Oh, a new cool 21st century fucking lander. Who cares? They're sitting a black man and a woman around the moon.

I don't care. It's fine, dude. A lot of gay guys are stoked on it. To appreciate the incredible technological like accomplishment that this is. I would need for it to not have happened in 1966 too. Oh my fucking God. I think in 72 when they were going around the dark side, they picked up a strange radio signal that they still can't identify.

So we might get some. I would be interested in that. Some ancient radio signals after it. Yeah. Some ancient radio signals from foreign civilizations. Yeah. Or just like something we caught from like Russia. Maybe.

You don't think that's real kind of? Well, I mean, like radio doesn't really work out. No, no. I think I'm not an easy wrong word. I'd like to be an unknown sound. If NASA, you get some other stuff, I think that'd be dope. Like a, I don't know, a phone that fits in the. the palm of your hand or digital watch or some other like groundbreaking shit that we've never

seen before if they made something sick like that like imagine if they made a phone that let like an astronaut talk to Nixon in the 60s from the mood imagine if they invented that I don't know why you act like that that's nonsense or or that it's not incredible technology moving pictures with audio huh talkies like oh the talkies I said on the tackies. I was going to be like, they're releasing a new movie and you guys just don't get it. It's remarkable.

And it's like they're re-releasing a movie from 1986. And he's like, yeah. It's really good. No. I think NASA's got you over a barrel. I think you're compromised. Well, I'm excited. I love that we're doing a big star.

I love that we're doing a thing. We're getting out of that low Earth orbit and going to the fucking moon. I'm incredibly impressed by it. I love that they're sending a diverse crew. I really do. I don't like all that I have been out of lower format. But in my Apollo programs, I went to the moon.

Not all white dudes. I kind of like that. Yeah, I like that there's sending a lady and a black dude this time. You mentioned it a couple of times I'm honestly colorblind in this stuff and I guess gender blind too. Like I don't it. Yeah, but women and black people aren't.

Okay, that's fair. I can see why if if if I wasn't a white man how I'd be excited to be represented for the first time I could see why they'd be dope but as a white man I'm like it doesn't matter what they are you go steal the moon rocks it'd be a bigger deal to me if they set a distance record than if they picked a non-white man

okay I got I actually think the astronauts they could probably replace them with monkeys and still do the same thing but they got to do a good job the diversity team has to do a good job because if not people are going to be like you left this like wildly autistic German guy on the ground.

Like, and all he do is space. And they also do science experiments up there and stuff. They're like, they're both mentally and physically fit. I like that's a mixture of like test pilots and nerds. Because that's kind of what Star Trek is. It's kind of this mixture of test pilots and like MIT nerds. And I like that that's actually who we send up there for the most part. you know and then that one school teacher we blew up that time

one of them should be jacked just in case it's hard to maintain your muscle mass up there see mind meld woodie exactly just in case it's real we need to have a real kingmaker down there up there doing zero gravity barbell curls it's a lot easier that one fucking 120 bro look at the shit

How did you Get up here We never should have let the liver king up here with us This is fucking little bits of meat floating around When this came up a while ago I asked chat GPT How far Like an athletic person who was expecting to fall

Could fall safely And it said four to seven feet Was a moderate but tolerable risk and seven to 10 feet was a high risk, which I disagree with. I see parkour guys jumping off roofs and shit all the time. That's the kind of person I was trying to ask it about. Well, maybe my phrasing was bad, but that's what I was going for. Like, how high can you jump on Earth?

And I think the answer is like 15 feet. Chat, GBT cuts it in half. Then I asked about the moon. And it said that the moderate risk, the one that, the one that, that was four to seven is 25 to 40 feet and the high injury risk the one that was like seven to 10 feet is 40 to 60 feet does that mean that a parkour athlete could jump like 60 feet in the air and then just parkour roll out of it on the moon yeah that's what i'm getting if not then we are there's a huge oversight happening and we need more parkourists up there that's what we need

that's what we need. Take one of these kids off this flight and get yourself a parkourist in there and see how how far they can fall. I'm down. I want to see more cool stuff like that. Not this lame stuff Kyle says where he's like snoked on shit that's happened.

Kyle's like really excited to see us break the sound barrier again. Like it's fucking ridiculous. If we hadn't broken the sound barrier since 72 I'd be fucking stoked, Taylor. I'd be fucking stoked. We're doing it. We're going to break the barrier. again. We got to watch.

You know, soon we're going to have things like fast-moving trains. And no one but an American had ever broken the sound barrier. That's a scenario that you're painting. Kyle, I'm about to blow your mind. I'd be wondering if they can even survive those speeds with our ovaries. Maybe they'll pop. You know, they used to think that about trains, that it was

dangerous for a woman to ride one because if you exceed a certain speed or uterus would foul up or something. Oh, maybe we should do that again just so you can be satisfied. Let's just get another train going real quick. so you can go awesome. Her ovaries didn't explode. If they hadn't been on a train since the 70s,

I'd be impressed, Taylor, God damn it. That's the point. We haven't been on the moon since the 70s. That's the point. They're going back. What do you want from them? They're going back. I want them to do something cool.

If they said, we're flying up there, we're building the base, we're getting it done. I'd say NASA, God damn it, Don, you've done it again. But they haven't. They went to the moon and flew around it in like 1960. and now they're doing that again and they're expecting us to clap. Get it together, NASA.

Do something cooler. They are wearing diapers while they're doing all of that. They are wearing diapers. If anything, that makes it a little less cool. F1 drivers wear diapers. I mean, there's lots of cool, lots of cool people pee their pants.

All right? I don't think they wear diapers. I'm curious about other Kyle, I'm curious about how to wear diapers. Kyle, what are the other technological advances? What other technological advances that were achieved 60 years ago would you think would be really neat to, you know, do again? What are the things that we haven't achieved for 50 fucking years?

Have you heard of something called an internal combustion engine? No. You're going to be blown away. A balanced budget. If we hadn't started a car for 50 years, I'd be blown away. I figured out how to do it again. Okay, that's fair. Yeah, but come on.

Like, you're giving them too much, too much credit for this. They do cool shit all the fucking time. They discover cool shit all the fucking time. They're landing craft on comets and meteorites and bringing samples back to Earth. They found evidence that everyone agrees is bacterial life on Mars. And they're trying to get that back home. I'm impressed. It's impressive stuff.

Dude, that's cooler than this flying around the moon again, shit. Again, this is the step one to landing on the moon, which is step one to building a base on the moon. It's not step one to landing on the moon because we already landed on the fucking moon. We already did it. All of that shit is gone. All of those landers, those pods. Step one to landing on the moon.

Lots of science in the 60s. Step two, land on the moon. Step three, 70 years later, fly around. Taylor, what do you want from them? I have my answer. Give me a chance after you. Mostly I want them to continue to fail because it bothers Kyle. I think my main thing I want them to do is actually build a moon base because it feels like I thought when I was a child by the time I was in my mid-30s, it would be like a foregone conclusion.

Of course we would have a moon base. And we still don't. So show me a moon base. Show me a legit moon base where people can hang out there and do things and science and grow potatoes like Matt Damon, whatever. Like show me something. They're not going to let me up there. I'm retarded. Of course not.

Then I'll let you up there. Where'd all the potatoes go? anyone's got you I'm somebody's I'm in a protein

someone's been jacking off I want to use lock and it must use no it's fertilizer guys I'm replenishing

the zinc in the in the space ghosts we keep we keep putting rovers down we keep getting

cool Mars pictures. I like it. Where's Venus? Why don't we ever even check out Venus? I get that it's not. So the Soviets sent several landings to Venus. Venus is like super high pressure and acid and hot enough to melt lead. So I'm hearing your excuses. Well, it's been done. Like the Soviet sent several landers to Venus. They were obsessed with Venus in like the 70s. And oh wait, wait, wait. I have on a good authority. If it was done in the 70s, it's undone now. I mean, we could definitely send stuff up there. But they landed this lander on Venus and took photographs.

So there's pictures from the surface of Venus, but only like a handful of them because it like melted and got crushed by the pressure and heat after an hour. I'm looking for the Mars parallel where something hangs out there for a year. It can't. And try harder. Your NASA. Try harder. The Soviets did a very good job of building their lander, and it lasted. an hour. The Soviets.

Yeah. That was back in the 70s now, right? Yeah, it was the 70s. Which I know to you is just to blink away, but like, for everyone else, it was a long time ago. Yeah, the Soviets made like, okay, let's be real. The Soviets did win a lot of those races. Oh, my gosh.

We won the meaningful one. I don't know about that. I don't know how landing on the moon isn't the meaningful one. Really? Because I think the space station is pretty dope. it's a mere we helped on that didn't mere burn up in the atmosphere we're in the international space station now didn't everybody chip in

yeah Canada is always about how they built a race and I thought that they had like a viable space station where people lived in space before us and it's like of all the things like get into space I don't know go around the moon land whatever all the winds they got and then I look at landing on the moon which is a dope one. I'm not trying to minimize it.

Sure. But living in space, I think, is as cool as visiting moon. No way. It came more recently than... They're both... They set a bunch of modules up and connected them together and lived like 100 kilometers above us or something. But we flew a quarter of a million miles away multiple times,

put like 15 dudes on the moon, got them all back. The scariest part of that whole thing, is the part where you're done on the moon and you take off on that fucking limb and then you redock with your buddy who's making laps around the moon up there, connect back together. I've docked with my buddy so many times. It was scary the first time. You missed a few times, too.

I got used to it. Yeah, yeah. You need an uncircumcised friend. Well, it would work otherwise unless you penetrate the other man's penis, which I think is a thing, too. I think you go in the pee hole. Like if you've got a guy who's who's been sounding that bad boy, a corner out, if you will,

then you got a less hung man. You can penetrate the peeve. Oh my gosh. Please tell me America did that first. That's a... I think that's a Greek achievement, actually. I think we should give the Russians credit for that. We didn't discover that.

Yuri Gagarin. I think that's what he was famous for. It was docking. Gagarin. Gagarin, how do you say it? Didn't he burn alive? He did burn alive and then all the Soviets stood around looking at his like little extra crispy husk, his little like forget about a leftover wing in the air fryer body. I bet he roasted too.

I bet it wasn't a flash burn. I bet he like roasted like an oven until there was nothing left. Oh, you think there's a time of it was like, like, oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. And that was like right after they killed all those dogs. We get a lot of dogs, too.

Four minutes. I think we sent only pit bulls up there, so we're fine. I think the blackout time is three minutes. Like on re-entry, it's something like that. But I would imagine he burnt for like less than a minute. Like something like that. I bet it got hot. I don't know.

I don't know. I imagine it being like a frog in a boiling pot. And at first it's like, oh, I hope she holds. And it's like, she's not holding. And then like your fucking eyelashes start melting and stuff. And it must be excruciating. It's scary. it's painful. I'm sure it's rough, but

I might even say most people have worse deaths than that. Then burning alive in a capsule alone? Three minutes. Three minutes of burning alive. I would much rather have a heart attack, a stroke, fall down some stairs and crack my head open,

a car accident, and I just explode. Those are all some pretty good ones, especially if they happen in your, your sleep, but how many people die from cancer? Most deaths, though, right? It's like heart and car accidents, probably in America. I mean, throw guns in there, and now we're really getting to the quick deaths, you know? I feel like most people die a quick death.

I think, but I guess I'm thinking that cancer's maybe a bigger deal than it is. I'm not sure. But dying from cancer is long and slow and painful, and you would dream. of having three bad minutes. You'd make that train in a heartbeat. You could check out whenever you want, though, realistically. Like, I bet Gagarin can't, can't, like, shoot himself in the head or fly to Switzerland or wherever and get euthanized.

Or Canada, actually, and get euthanized. But, you know, if you've got cancer and you want to go out on your terms. There was some guy on Reddit the other day. He had some post that someone had made for him. He has this incredibly rare sensory, like, disease or something like that, where light and sound or excruciating. And he can't have a conversation with someone or read or even check his messages without incredible suffering and discomfort.

And he has to lay in bed all day. And the medication makes him incredibly sleepy. And there's no treatment or cure for what he has. He's like, so in six days, I'm being euthanized. I won't be reading any of the comments because it would be incredibly painful to do so. And it's like, fuck. This sounds. And he showed this chart.

And it was like all the diseases that you can have and you're like quality of life. like if you're suffering from them and it was there's a scoring system and it was in decimals and like all the way at the bottom was what he has like the worst thing

it was like you have like 0.47 like quality of life I think out of one like a healthy guy's one and you're like a point of Huntington's disease it was something I never heard of there was an acronym for it or something

he was like I have PHS syndrome something like that it's just awful but yeah that's what I do Like if I had something debilitating like that where I'm like, spent late Alzheimer's or something, I get diagnosed with Alzheimer's and it's like, once you start like losing it and you can see like the bend around the corner or whatever,

the light at the end of the tunnel, it's like, I'm checking out on my own terms, you know, I'm going to go up to Canada and get good and we'll fuck a bunch of horrors, a bunch of Canadian whores, and then I'm going to get more of those death pods that they've got up there. What disease do you have in this scenario?

Flu, bronchitis. You're going to get the poor is sick. Oh, I don't know. Like some sort of degenerative muscle or brain disorder, something where like I'm not going to be me in X amount of time. So she's going to have to do all the work in this scenario. That's okay. She's the one making the money. Always was.

Always was. I was never going to put any effort into this. You're going to go to Canada to kill yourself? Yeah. Yeah. It seems like the place to go, right? They do seem to be really. pulling away with first place on it. Yeah.

Yeah, they're deft at it. They've got a whole system and everything. They got a ton. I see like those scary stories in Canada where like doctor, like, you'll like go to a doctor and talk about your problems and they'll be like, interesting. I recommend you kill yourself. Have you considered

suicide? Have you considered getting in this pod and then we fill it with fucking helium and then you die sounding like fucking SpongeBob screaming? Is that what they do? I think that's what they do. They're wasting our helium. I don't That's not renewable resource. Non-renewable.

That's pretty... That's pretty grim to have a government-run suicide program. That's usually not something that happens in like a thriving country. Tell that to Socrates. Well, that wasn't a program. He just kind of winged it. He didn't have a program to lean on. The state let him down twice.

First they, you know, send us him to death. And then there was no pod for him to slide into. He had to get that hemlock going. I bet him luck. That's why he did it though, because he was going to be put to death. And he was like, nah, I'm, I'm cashing out my style. Yeah. So, exactly.

If you're curious, Netherlands and Canada are the top two. Oh, that's sad. I knew that Netherlands was a top one and it made me wonder which was the best. It's sad for sure, but I don't think it could be a good choice, I think. I'm not against it. Go to Amsterdam. go to the red light district. You can go to the coffee houses, get your weed,

and then get you a lot of sense. It's all Kyle's favorite things. Yeah. Is that where they have those wooden shoes? That's the Netherlands, right? Yeah. That would be Holland, which is part of the Netherlands, right?

Yeah, that's confusing. That's like the UK thing all over again. Get out of here with that. See, that's how when we were talking about Greenland for so long, you just kept saying the Netherlands-owned Greenland. The president called it. Iceland four times in Europe all right. Get off my back. We're all smarter than the president.

That's true. Did you see Caitlin Levitt or whatever her name is? Caroline Levitt. Caroline Levitt said that he was referring to a land covered with ice, which it is. He never confused the two countries.

There's another country called Iceland and that tells me he did confuse it. He's a country called Iceland right fucking next to it. Which, by the way, Iceland is probably sitting there being like, stay quiet. Nobody's paying attention to us. We're a lot smaller than Greenland.

The real Iceland is like, he's not, he doesn't meet us now, right? He didn't switch targets, did he? He fell for it. He fell for, they named Greenland because it's icy in Iceland because it's green. And he fell for the old trope. He fell. And also, Iceland would be harder to conquer. Because think about the Icelandic guys.

That's half Thor Bjoranson. Iceland has like 200,000 people and 160,000 of them are strong men. And they have volcanoes they can weaponize. If they can weaponize volcanoes, we need to be asking them for tips. It doesn't stop them. How can we? Actually, if they think of weaponized volcanoes, they would have weaponized it to make Iceland bigger. So I don't believe that.

Because they would have had it just be erupting. so it creates a bigger Iceland. Well, they do have volcano. Like, they're, they're lousy with volcanoes up there. They are. They're lousy with them. They're like, I long for a dead caldera. No, he was a complete embarrassment on his little European tour, as always,

just looking like a petulant fucking dummy. Just, why does he have to embarrass us so much all the time? Did he even, like, what was the end? game of it is now we're going to own tiny little bits of Greenland no fuck no there was no end game there's nothing nothing he quit he gave up he tacoed out

and nothing changed nothing changed he bent the fucking knee he blustered he blustered he bullshitted he broke agreements he upset every one of our fucking allies he humiliated us embarrassed us made himself and anyone who voted for him looked like

a goddamn fool on a global stage while our enemies laughed and snickered and they made memes about us and then he backed fucking down. All that would have been worth it if he'd actually conquered the fucking place, but he didn't. He got all the shit and none of the land. And he's like, oh, we have a, we have a framework in place now for the takeover of Greenland. No, you fucking don't.

There was a framework already. There's like eight different frameworks, one that says we get our military bases, one that says they'll do whatever we tell them. And another it says we can have mineral rights if we really like push. them hard enough. It was an embarrassment. He's such a... Wait, so now we have mineral rights?

We always... The minerals were never... How are they... I do have a theory. I know you said they're like... Go ahead. Go ahead. About...

He wants Greenland because he's thinking of Jefferson getting on Mount Rushmore because of Louisiana purchase and the whole writing the Declaration of Independence sign. But yeah, I think he wants to increase the America's land

to increase his legacy perhaps? Yeah, his legacy. I could see that. I already thought it was a legacy play. Greenland, if people don't know

it was about triple the size of Texas. Someone noteworthy addition to America. Probably not worth the cost if we spend trillions on it. Probably not worth the cost if it like breaks me a little kind of cost. They said the offer was

$707 billion, 700 billion to the Danes and then another 7 billion to pay off the population. Too rich for my blood. No, there's too many domestic issues to be spending 700 billion in foreign ship. But also, Kyle, you're a couple trillion dollars worth of petroleum. Kyle, your video was the one that got me on board with your position of like, oh man, Kevin Greenland really does make a lot of geopolitical strategic sense looking towards the future against Russia and China. but 700 billion seems retarded

and also like if we're allowed to do whatever we want there anyway we are just like in the future seize those resources when they become available because we could like why is that a bad thing to do now just buy our time build build up some big old military bases control the Arctic sea control whatever you need Greenland's not going to stop us

fucking 16 people live there like we can do that and we don't even have to own it. We don't have to spend the money. We don't have to do this. And we'll still control it in the same meaningful sense. If we could get for $700 billion, it seems like a deal because just the petroleum there is worth more than $700 billion. And I don't care that it's not available right now.

I would love it if our country planned for a future that they couldn't experience. That seems too expensive. I think if you build things like the Romans did that are meant to last 1,000 years because you expect your empire to be around in 1,000 years to benefit from them, everybody does better. I feel like the reason we don't have fucking heated roads throughout this country is because no one can look forward past next year's budget.

I feel like the reason our infrastructure is shitty is because no one can look forward past the next five years budget. We're selling a fucking major highway here in Atlanta to private enterprise. It's like a four or eight billion dollar deal, something crazy like that. All of Georgia 400, which is this road that goes north out of Atlanta

is being sold to private enterprise. You're going to put a fucking toll road in it and they own it for like the next, it's decades or some shit. Damn it, that's my daily commute. Yeah, I do that. It's going to get better. It'll get better, but you'll pay us all now.

We could offer half a million dollars to every single Greenlander. And that would be 28 billion. He's given $100,000. That's the offer. No, I'm saying, but like if you said $700 billion. That's to the Danes for the largest island on the planet that's covered with oil and gas. The trailer suggestion is to not pay the Danes, just pay the population and get it cheaper.

We just like, yeah, we just bribe. We just bribe them and, no, we just, dude, every Greenlander would be stoked as fuck if we give them half a million dollars.

I don't need them to be stoked. First of all, they're a bunch of Eskimos. All right? I don't, I don't trust those snow. Okay, well,

then we'll give them, how about, how about this $300,000? Nothing. Why would you give them a dime? You wouldn't give, you wouldn't give the people, you're either going to steal it from the Danes.

Or you're not. If you're not going to, if you're going to buy it, you buy it from everybody. If you're going to steal it. You have both lost your way. You don't understand how Americans get land. We offer them shiny beads and trinkets, Kyle. That is the funniest idea, Woody. It's like, you guys, you're going to love it.

A lot of good beads. A lot of good stones. You're going to enjoy it. Look at this shiny rock. It's a giant. They're fantastic. Everyone's talking about it. Aaron, bring up the treasure chest.

They're going to be the envy of the, the world, the envy of Europe. Go for it. Like, that would be very funny. This is how we got in New York. Just tell Trump that it's his and everyone just plays a lot. I do want it. It does make sense to have it because it's

cool and Kyle told me it has mountains for skiing. Do you know that? It's a gigantically mountainous there's like ice mountains and glaciers and shit. Yeah, tons of places to ski activities. Most of what I've seen of it is like flyover footage because it's a fucking wasteland of ice.

Like they're just flying over. It looks like copy pasted snow mountains for an ice mountains as far as the I can see. It's like a Lord of the Rings. Like landscape. Dude, there are counties in St. Louis with five times the population of Greenland. And we're not a major city. Like it's a

teeny, tiny little place. And for some reason, I think it's a law there that you can't have the same color house as your neighbor. Because they're all the brightest colored houses. they're like, fuck, you son of, I think it's Greenland, where I saw those little towns where it's like a very bright green house and then a very bright red house and then a very bright yellow house.

Yeah, I picture it too. I'm probably wrong. I thought it was like, yeah. I don't know. I really don't. If we got Greenland, that would be pretty sick. Because all of our previous land purchases have been good and it just makes me think that in the long enough run, this one would be good to. Yeah, that's what I was imagining.

That's Greenland. Okay, it looks amazing But if they're not on board It's not worth breaking up NATO and the biggest gift we could possibly give to Russia and China is to destroy NATO Well, we just need to make sure that What if we can partner up with Russia and China

Get any control of that North Arctic region Outside of what they already have, but being Russia You know, I mean, I mean, we border Russia Why don't we Europe's on the other's fucking side of the Atlantic but we're neighbors with Russia. Why don't we just partner up with them? You know, they got to,

and go against all these weird Europeans with all their tiny quarter state-sized nations that can't even, like, you know, agree on anything. No, dude, Russian food is terrible compared to, like, Italian, Spanish. I don't know why you thought it was. I don't know how you couldn't think that would be the first thing I'd say. Is that, like, Russian food, I'm not in on it at all. We'll have to say.

We'll have to switch to an all-borsh diet. Nothing but beats for everyone. Okay, how about this? We ally with Russia, but we still keep the good food countries on our side. We get Italy, France, and Spain and Portugal. Through Portugal in the mix. They have some tasty food. Italy's always been sort of flexible as far as morality goes.

They've been on the other side of the coin before themselves. Italy has been the coin with Rome. I feel like you're missing out on Asian food in this thing. I don't know what it is about the Asian cultures, but it's banger. after banger after banger. Thai food. Chinese. Solid.

Right. In the Chinese food. You want some fun? I mean, love some fun. Bangor after banger after banger coming out of these Asian sushi. Yeah,

Japanese sushi. I love that. I know Woody doesn't. It's not for me, but people love it. She's the peak. Yeah. It,

this is where the best food comes from. I think people, they're looking at France and Italy, and I think they're not looking far enough. Now, something we, should make note of is that orange chicken is something we came up with. Yes.

Yeah. And so we do deserve some credit there. But Asian food also, the only big negative to Asian food is there's no cheese because Asian people don't do well with dairy. And so they've got no cheese in any of their dishes, which is an enormous oversight. Like that is one strike against them. What Japanese food would be better by adding cheese? See, no, none of them would be better by adding cheese because it's formulated everything to not need cheese.

Exactly. But, man, I love cheese. Yeah. Cheese rocks. There's a Philly cream cheese and a Philly roll. But I think that I hate those. Those are disgusting. I don't like those either.

I don't like any of those rolls with cream cheese because it doesn't feel like I'm even eating sushi anymore. I'm eating some Americanized nonsense. I just taste the cream cheese. I don't taste anything else. Yeah. You eat some like spicy tuna roll And there's nothing in there But mayonnaise, get out of here

I know I'm shifting topics a little bit here I just wanted to stand up for cream cheese Begles are where it's supposed to be And bagels are good Shout out to the Jays For the bagel I think they came up with that right As far as I know

I don't know Yeah I think the bagel of bagel anyway Like What do you mean? Is it the shape? Like like yeah it's a mischief of it And it's

What if you take the same bread Maybe you just made a square Does anyone else make that bread though? That's a Biali What's a Biali? Honestly I maybe I have the hole all the way through

Oh okay Oh In my age I've come to appreciate other breads Like if you were talking about peak food 20 years ago I wouldn't have been calling out Banana bread or all those candy breads But they're kind of top of a little

They're better than I gave them credit for in the day. Banana bread is solid. What's the banana bread country? Let's take them over. Pretzel bread should be the base bread, really. Whatever normal base bread is is not. See, we need to conquer Germany.

I think those are the pretzels. We can get pretzels without a global war. We can have the best pretzels. I think what we should do as the global hegemon is just turn all our allies into little food stores for us.

They create all the tastiest food. All that Spain is, we go, you don't have to make a military. We'll take care of the military. But I need lots of Iberico ham. Tremendous sum of it. I just remember Jackie makes me soft pretzels after every Thursday show and got joy. I was like, oh, my God. I'm like 30 minutes away with soft pretzels right now.

Been doing this for 15 years. And you're like, oh, my God. My cheese. You did. after PKN, she doesn't normally make me pretzels after PKN. Our PKN ran two hours two days ago. Normally runs one. I had, you know what?

You can't even call it a soft pretzel anymore. She had that thing done on time and then left it in the toaster oven on like keep warm for the next hour. And it was basically a hard pretzel, but I muscled it down. I was there. I was equal to the challenge. Love it. There have been so many times that I've seen the show at like four hours and five minutes. And my internal thought is like, Woody's pretzels are getting cold.

Because I have, I have, I'm very snack conscious. And so I'll think like, we got to get him out of here. Those pretzels are. I can hold that moist integrity for long. Titles. And I'm like, boys. It's the clock is ticking. What is the best regional?

food ever, Craig. Like what's number one? This is a great. Hard question. Regional worldwide or regional as an American worldwide? I like

Thai. I like French food. I like Italian food. Which tie? Which tie? Anything that has like a bunch of ingredients with like mango and cilantro and

I like Benang curry Benang curry is good lemon grass I get it quite I get it Thai spicy and then I bring like a whole bunch of Kleenex

because I have to blow my nose like four times through just eating one plate of it I can't eat it around other people it's embarrassing because I'm going to be crying and like snots everywhere it looks like I get hit with pepper spray

but it's worth it because it's so goddamn good I got stereotyped from Thai people recently because I selected Thai hot on the delivery and they did not give me Thai hot. They saw my white name and were like, oh, he don't actually want Thai hot. Did you? And then I did, yeah, because I started eating it and I was like, there's no spice here. There's nothing here.

I'm not on your level, perhaps. I went to a Vietnamese restaurant and got fah. And it has this like, you know, the green peppers and the beef and whatever. And I made a display out of my. myself. There's a pile of Kleenex 18 inches tall. My eyes are crying. My nose is dripping. I'm powering through this Vietnamese dish that I love, but I'm just not built for. And they asked how spicy I wanted it. It was like one, two or three peppers. And I'm like, one's good. And I'm like, did you violate our contract? I did my best. But I said, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not in a

Vietnamese. I can't hang. Did white restaurants need to start doing the same thing for delivery where they're like, do you want a white person amount of dairy or a non-white person amount of dairy? Because if you're not white, you're going to be on the fucking toilet for the next few days. Give me the milk. Give me the cream. Three slices of cheese on that burger. Do you sure you can handle that? I have so much thanks, my European ancestors, for just.

storming the beach of cheese over and over and over being like eventually we'll be able to eat this tasty treat without having a disaster and they did. They did. Speaking of disaster shit. You might be overlooking the black people. They add cheese on the stuff at a level that you might be unfamiliar with. Oh, black people are way more like-sust intolerant than white people.

Yeah. I'm going off a small sample size of my black friends and they can't fucking get broccoli without that shit dripping in cheese. Everything they get is add cheese with that. Yeah. That's why mom got me to eat vegetables as a kid. She's all over the vegetables. That's terrific.

She couldn't get me to eat otherwise. I would throw a tancer. Very Midwest. There's milk of your peas and I'd be like, oh, cheesy peas, hell yeah. Not even good. So are lactose intolerant? Yeah. So Europeans are the by far least lactose intolerant.

group. Asians and black people are much more so lactose intolerant. And then Hispanics, because they have a huge amount of European ad mixture, cheese is a big part of their diet too, because obviously the Spaniards went there and kind of ran roughshod over the whole area. That's what a Hispanic is. It's an Amerindian mixed with a Spaniard, right? Yep. You're right. I chat, TBT, and they agreed with you. I didn't. Yeah. Again, I'm just going off my friend. That's where Europeans win. Cheese. Big win.

Huge a win for cheese. Kyle, you don't seem convinced. I like all the dairy. Like, I love sour. That's significant. Like,

like I love fucking sour cream so much. I love butter so much. I love whole milk, as RFK has told us, is a health food. Ice cream is so goddamn good. Like, all of the dairy things are wonderful things.

Like, I love sour cream on a baked potato. I'd lick the spoon clean. I love it so much. Do you think RFK drinks a lot of whole milk? I don't know. I've seen him shirtless and he's in his 70s and he's top 0.1%. He strikes me as a guy who watches every calorie.

He seems like a guy who survived a brainworm. I just don't trust. He's a guy who uses a lot of steroids. But still, like, you know. I think he's, I don't think he's steroid. I think he's teamed up, though. He's on tearyotes. Same difference. Same difference.

He's them both. But if he's not doing a caloric restriction, he wouldn't look like that. Assuming he looks like that. I haven't seen it hurt lately. I mean, as far as like 73-year-olds, the guy's like astoundingly shredded. So there's got to be something going on there. It's just testosterone, Taylor, and working out. That's what I said.

You would look like fucking Dolph Lundron. You would be so ripped up and enormous. You would be able to sit in a chair. I can't do that until. Hill, I not enough kids because it's going to shut down my testicles and I won't be able to have. Taylor, you're going to leave triplets out of you this year, okay?

I'll, I'll, that would actually be kind of nice, just to get it done. All it wants, just have a hellish one year period. Exactly. And then a hellish 22 year period and then you're done. There is. I'm going to be coming to Woody all the time being like, how the fuck do you deal with this?

I was right, you son of a bitch. Kyle, why didn't you tell me? And what are you to get him? Not a lot of him. Kyle that I'm asking you at these things. Because he's going to know. He'll gloat. You know he will.

He's petty like that. He's a real faggot sometimes. He got me plan B as a wedding gift. It was insane. That would be so sensitive. That is hilarious as winning. I got you, bro. I mean, I feel like we've solved a lot of geopolitical conflicts tonight.

We could solve it better than he could. We could solve them better than he could. We literally could. We literally could. We could do nothing and we'd be better. We would be reasonable. We would consult known experts. We wouldn't listen to fucking Twitter.

We would come up. with sound judgment dude he's not even listening to twitter he's listening to truth social not me I'm all about Stephen Miller tell me what to do sense say I follow that fucking worm tongue ghoul

just do what he says dude sometimes that guy goes hard in the paint and I'm like nice and then other times I'm like that oh buddy you know the camera's on right maybe calm this down seems like you're having a little when you're going to come into your his mouth moves weird and he gives off reptilian vibes i swear to god if he was a democrat saying this shit

there'd be so many edits of his eyes flash into like reptile pupils like edited in with ai and shit he's like we are coming into your district we are the federal fucking government we will arrest your officials we will take your children we will need them no no we will deport them i'm sorry deport did you see rachel maddo breaking in tears on the news today. Again. She started reading the newest report about the child detention

centers that ICE has that are, where they put the three to five year olds and she started crying and couldn't finish the sub the, she just quit. She's just like,

do we have a graphic that we can cut to? We don't. All right, well, we're going to go to Bill. She's like literally like crying. Wow, it sounds super like sincere. It did. It looked really sincere. Sounds like,

not like a talking head being dramatic. She had gotten a new news report about the child prisons. Wow, I bet she did. Geez. So, Kyle, you're going to raise soft kids if you keep them out of prison entirely,

okay? Yeah, you want to start them off at a junior prison at three to five years old. And then they like, I saw this montage of like little kids. Such an insurious. They're literally little kids. cages with like space blankets and stuff they look so scared and it's like get them all that's all

i can think i'm just to get them all oh yeah we gotta get them all tayo did you see what ice did you ice grabbed this five-year-old up and then they like like oh this is definitely an illegal five-year-old and they like took him to his parents door and they were like we got your kid mister and the kid's like daddy and when the daddy comes they arrested dad too and they got them both and and everybody was saying that that was like wrong or insensitive or heartless or maybe even illegal and I was just thinking two for one. Two for one, bro. You were thinking

you know, I thought you didn't like it when we separated the kids. You didn't like it when we separate them. You got a big problem with that. I was like, sure I'm like what are our choices? Let them live here. Path to citizenship. I kind of like Pat the citizenship.

But I don't like take the dad away from the kid or take the kid away from dad. I don't like those. Don't let people break into our country and then get a lot of a reality show idea. We let these we give these ice detainees an option. Go back to your home country or compete

in a reality show. Like who wants to be in America? What is the reality show? I imagine that there would be not only civics based test. We would turn a civics test into an American gladiator arena. Like it would be a game

famified version of like, you know, Washington's history and like Jefferson and stuff like that. Like you'd learn the Constitution. And if you got it wrong, like some big blonde American guy would like batter you off of a tiny team, make you fall into the bond. And this is just my bias. I want some trivia. I want feats of strength. Oh, of course. I want only the strongest. And by strongest, I mean strictly physically, the strongest, only the most elite. We have feats of strength for these guys and they have to lift tremendous sums and they have to do it while wearing like you know whatever the the attire of their home country those those uh those nacho librae mask and so a little bit of nacho libra mask so you make them perform tremendous feats of

strength and then the ones that are able to perform those atlas stone lifts are granted citizenship i don't think we want a bunch of like superhuman illegals like i don't think There wouldn't be that any. No, no, no, no, no. Only, like, 0,000-0-0-0-1% of them are going to be able to lift these Atlas stones. And so we're getting rid of all the aircraft and we're keeping the absolute elite, powerful Mexicans, the strongest Nicaraguan's. That's who we're keeping here. I know where you're going to say there, we could put them in ice and catch the others that didn't lift the Atlas stones.

Oh, and that's another thing. we have to make ice agents lift the Atlas Stones as well. And if you can't lift the Atlas Stones as the ice agent, you're out, stronger guy, next man up. Most of the ice guys generally look pretty fit. I've seen some embarrassing ones, but they're mostly the bullies from high school. They're mostly, I don't think bullies from high school, I think they're mostly former military. Former military, right? They're mostly just like cops and former military.

No, they're not. They're taking anybody that'll fucking. and sign that paperwork. Who do you think signing up? It's former military, bro. I think anybody that listens to the sound of my voice and takes it seriously because they're giving you guys a $100,000 bonus to start, all right?

And they let you wear a mask so you can do whatever you want. They're going to let you gas people, all right? They're going to let you pepper cannon people. You're going to get to travel across the country, collecting a per diem in a government vehicle, getting maybe some sort of clearance, definitely getting experience that you could leverage into the private sector later on.

join ice. Even if it's just for the next three years, join ice. It's a no-lose scenario if you join ice. Best case scenario, some nut job bumps you with their car and you get to collect disability for the next 30. Oh, you get to go Army mode and like wreck your knee skiing and then be like, I get $4,800 a month for the rest of my life. Join eyes.

I would say, I'm just curious. It's 3070 military, non-military. If I were not a felon... That is actually higher than I thought too. Okay. If I weren't a felon, I would 100% join ICE just for like the stories that I could bring to the show. And like... You can't be a federal agent if you're a felon?

No. What kind of question is that? I thought you just said if you're a felon, join ICE. I said if I weren't a felon, I would join ICE. I think you are a little bit selfish not joining ICE for us. What is a little aged out? all right i don't think they're accepting 50 plus year old men but they're definitely taking you they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're look you up and down and they all yeah

one of us give me an excel fucking like they're gonna have her excels back there give me some real hippie pants and i'd be like oh oh no get this guy a jumbo gun belt in a cana maze Yeah, no, that would be kind of fun, I guess. Like, I don't know what you'd have to do. Look, once you're like in, you could maybe mention like, hey, I don't know if you guys have any social media ambassadors, but I actually run a little podcast. I could help, you know, put a good face on ice. I could be kind of your eyes on the ground showing the, show an hour side of this story.

Because too often it's the liberal agenda that gets put forward and these skewed views and these edited clips. Let me show the world what ICE is really about. the trained professionals that are keeping America safe and enforcing immigration law across the greatest country in the world. Fucking hit them with that one. All of a sudden,

you're not even running around with Mace anymore. You're running around with a cameraman and a microphone dressed up like a fucking GI Joe. And the mask. No, no, you, well, yeah, definitely a mask. You don't want to deal with reality. That would be so funny. I was the representative prize.

I was curious about the age thing. The average. new ice recruit is 37. So Taylor's right there, right there. And over 50, like Kyle said, is aged out. I didn't know there was a mandatory retirement age, which is 57. So they'd look at me as a short timer. I'm 52.

Actually, fucking 53 in a few weeks. Really? It's still worth a try, Woody. I drop an application. That's a man. 53-year-old I've ever seen. Holding up very well. I just think it would be, first of all. hilarious for the show to like come back

where are you this week Taylor they got us in fucking San Diego we're going out in the morning we're going to use that gas that causes cancer it's awesome it's more than one way to get rid of immigrants I guess there's some sort of like

people are getting mad at me at the station because apparently the donuts are for everyone and that's it's a sign or something I'm completely hated. Now the donuts are in this locked case and you got to go through Martha if you want one and she counts.

Taylor, don't get a crispy cream. What if you viewed a path to citizenship like matriculating in college, right? And some people, if people don't know matriculating is just a word for being enrolled in college. I don't know why they say it that way. So some people join and take classes non-matriculated. And then if they hold a good GPA, it's like the backdoor to getting into college. I got into my master's degree this way.

And you take a few courses, you get good grades, and they're like, well, clearly this guy's got the stuff to be in college here. And they let you in college. That seems like it could be a viable path to citizenship, right? They guys have been living here eight years. He owns the local, you know, I don't know, pizza parlor. and he's a good citizenship. He has no criminal record. Paying his taxes.

Paying his taxes. Maybe this isn't a guy who's had like a backdoor who broke in illegally. I forget your phrasing exactly. Maybe this is a guy who's proven he's got the stuff. Yeah. I mean, my differentiator there would be net taxpayer. You get a net taxpayer, some guy who's not leaching off the government, somebody who's not benefiting more than they're paying into the system.

Wonderful. That's great. Like those are the kind of immigrants we want. We want people who are successful smart enough to, exactly, to pull the train. We do not want dependence in our country. We want the elite, the crem de la creme, the smart guys. Why would they come here? I always say that. Like, why would the crem to the creme de la creme come here? Because there's more opportunity here. And so we do want, like, and the number of crem de la creme people coming out of India is going to be very, very tiny. No, there's a billion and a half of them. What are you talking about? The average IQ there is like 72.

It's not great. Like the vast majority of these people coming here are coming here via fraud and like H1B shit to undercut America. We're not getting normal Indians. Every Indian I ever worked with, without exception, had servants. Yeah. That blew me away. They all had, I don't know how to interact socially with a servant. if the doorbell rings, do you snap or something?

I would feel rude. I'd be like, no, I can get it. Like, please stop. And that's the thing, like, can you imagine moving to a different country as like a high cast Indian? Getting to the new country and immediately being like, people here are racist and bad. And it's like, you have slaves. Like at home, you have slaves. And you're like, that white supremacy is a very difficult.

concept. It's like, fuck you. Get the hell out of here. You're not a next contributor. Fuck you. Yeah. So anyway, I think looking at averages might be the way to look at it. We should look at individuals. I'm up for all those paths to citizenship, but I think anybody who came here illegally needs to be shown the door

and get them out of here. They clearly don't respect our rules. They don't respect anything. Especially, and by the way, if you're a first generation immigrant who engages in fraud against the country that opened their arms to let you in win and to keep you safe, fuck you.

You have to leave. That's a level of sinister. I can't even imagine. I can't imagine. You're talking about the Minnesota fraud? The Minnesota fraud, the Ohio fraud, the New York fraud, the California fraud, these these immigrants taking advantage of programs. And it's like, this is insane.

Like, no, if we're going to do this immigration thing, this experiment, they need to be elite. They need to be contributors. We can't have people showing up taking with both hands and then manipulating our political process. Get out of here. That's crazy. Hmm. What would happen if we just took in elite immigrants for a long period of time, make it like 40 or 50 years? Did they start becoming the dominant power? They already have in some ways. Like look at different kind of areas throughout the country where like pockets of ethnic enclaves who have not been assimilated and don't seem to want to

assimilate are voting for their own people into power. Like Ilan O'Marie. is a good example. Like she has a majority white district. She does, but that is tipped by the fact there are a lot of Somalis there as well. Her husband's white. I was surprised. Hmm, I didn't know that. Didn't know that either. Don Limit's husband's white too.

You certainly don't like that. So you probably saw. The news. I know he's dominating the news lately. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they invaded a church. They went into a church where an ICE officer was a pastor there. No, they accused him.

him of being an ICE officer, and he wasn't. And they just went in and intimidated a bunch of churchgoers and made little kids sitting in pews cry by menacing. They filed federal charges today the DOJ did against. I saw a white dude and a black woman that they were like handcuffed and doing the perp walk too. If you're trying to protest, I think that a Minnesota judge, a Minnesota judge has currently blocked the charges against Don Lemon. I think they were talking about charging him. under something called the KKK Act. Something about voter intimidation or something like that.

It's religious intimidation. Yeah. Religious, okay. So we'll see if that has any legs. Obviously, the right despises Don Lemon. I mean, I despise Don Lemon. You won't have any legs because the right are complete pussies who talk big and then don't do a lot.

Trump's DOJ does a lot. They're going after everybody. Really? Who's Pam Bondi thrown? in jail, that dumb cunt. Nothing. No one. Well, because she's going after people they can't even get an indictment for. Yeah. She's a retard. Because now she's going after who Trump tells her to go after. And he's a return.

I don't think she's even doing that. Like, it doesn't seem like she's even like hammering home rules. They went after Bolton. They went after Comey and they went after someone else like on the same day. The guy who sets the interest rates. What's his fucking name? Powell Jerome Powell James James it's

yeah it's yeah it's his enemies list I feel like the convention rate would go up if he went after guilty people yep exactly I don't know but the what Jerome Pound do he won't lower the interest rates like he's been commanded to do by the king

what he did or how he could get out of this, he's like, well, if you lowered the interest rates, like, he gave away the game, you dummy. He doesn't care, though. He should have lowered them a dictator yesterday in Europe. He called himself a dictator. Yeah. Well, I always said something like,

he said, I am a dictator. He said, quote, I am a dictator. People don't like a dictator, but sometimes you need a dictator. You're right. I guess I am a dictator. That's the best Trump impersonation I've ever heard.

Is he really a dictator when he can't get anything he wants done? Does he get anything he wants done? Because I hear this just effortless. I hear an effortless oscillation between he's a dictator and Taco, just depending on what's convenient in that moment. He's both at the same time. That's why it's so bad. He does not seem like a dictator.

He seems like a problem is. He doesn't get shit done. If he could just be a dictator and get some shit done, some of it would be good and we'd be like, you know, he cut through the red tape and did that thing. We've always wanted to happen. He cut that credit card interest down to 10%. No reason for them to be charging 30 on these poor people.

He did it. He made insulin $5 a shot. He did it. But he doesn't. But he is a taco. Because he tries to be a dictator. Annie tacos out all the fucking time. This Greenland European bullshit thing,

it literally makes him look like a Manchurian candidate. It's so like Taylor Made to ruin our relationships with all of our allies, get them to stop investing in us, sell off our financial properties, and at the same time, get nothing in return except for, like, hate, dismay, and fucking mockery. and expose he talks about they're not when he's talking about the European allies wouldn't come to our our aid and they're like we came to your aid for every one for every two Americans who died in Afghanistan a European died like we were there with you hand in hand you know what he said they kind of held back they kind of stayed to decide disrespectful it's disrespectful to Europeans who fought and died alongside us for us in our war our war after 9-11 Israel's war 9-11 9-11 Afghanistan. How was that

Israel's war? We were after Osama bin Laden. We don't have time for this. You think the Israel 2011? I'm going to say that at any point in the show. Isn't that funny? Like, Terry doesn't come from cows. Woody. You know, Israel's war.

World War II. Jesus Christ. You think we're not responsible for everything, Taylor. Never said they have. Yes. You literally said. they're responsible for all the world's woes. I read your newsletter.

No, I decry that. Stop using those lightning bolts instead of s's. Jesus. Go on the fucking nose. The thought of making a newsletter and replacing the s with the lighting bolts is very funny. Even like normal S's

in words like cause. They're all they're all lighting bolts. even there. Yeah. That would be funny. No, I despise the Trump shit

just because he's so ineffectual. So ineffectual. He'll do these big song and dance deportation measures in Minneapolis. This guy doesn't think we're deporting enough people. He doesn't think we're good enough

than 400,000, a bit over 300,000 in the first year that won't even deport the amount illegally led it. under the Biden administration where we had a pretend president and a bunch of oligarchs

ran the country. I don't know how you can that's where we're at. To do any better than what they're doing when they're going door to door. Because they're doing. They have a budget. They have a higher military. Punish the business owners. Punish the millionaires.

Then Italy's military. They're an entire military expenditure. It's the 16 most funded military on the planet. ICE is. What more do you want from them? I just saw a truckload of ice I don't give a fuck about this. They're building a network of prisons across the country.

They can hold 10,000 in each. They're building one, an hour from me just outside Atlanta. They're buying one of those giant auto zone fulfillment buildings that's a gigantic rectangle you can see from outer fucking space. And they're turning it into a prison for 10,000 detainees. They're building a network of those across the country with money that they funneled from the Navy. That is not impressive. That's not impressive.

impressive. I love that. 10,000 is, 10,000 is... Wait, do you see Doc out 2.0? You're going to be blown the fuck away. Two point and let in over 10 million people illegally and then illegally used federal funds to shuttle them all around the country. No. I don't care. What are you talking? I'm talking about the network of prison camps that are being built. Who gives a fuck that's meaningless? What you need to do if you want to change this is you go after business. special advisor to the president on immigration and naturalization policy. What's your, what's one, one little phrase that you put into his ear about what he could do better? Yeah.

More of them. I've been saying this for the last couple of minutes. You can't punish you the business owners. You don't do anything to deport the people. You don't go door to door because that's like a shock and awe sort of approach to exhibit strength. And they're not doing that very well. What you'd actually want to do if you want to solve it is you use. start going after millionaire business owners and billionaire business owners that hire illegals.

And then you punish it. It works very well because as soon as these people aren't able to make money effectively in our country, they will leave on their own. And so you punish the billionaires and the millionaires who own these companies that undercut wages for Americans in order to hire illegals. You go after them and you make an example of a couple. You throw them in prison for a decade. That won't look, I think that's a good idea, but I don't think that's going to get million. You think that you think 10 million illegals that are already in our communities will say, oh, I got fired, better head home, pack up family. No, no.

How about this? We do that and we have a 100% remittances tax. Boom. That's not going to change anything either. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Now they'll spend their money here and it won't go home, okay. Oh, so now they'd spend their money here. I didn't ask you how to improve.

I didn't ask you how to deal with the problem of 10 million illegals having snuck into our country on a tax level or on a budget level. I asked you what would you say to the president to catch more of them because you don't like 300,000 a year, 400,000 a year. That ain't enough. You want a million a year. It's gay. You want $2.5 million a year. That's the number you need to hit just to break even. So how do you get our numbers to $2.5 million so that you'll be happy?

And at the same time, what do we get NASA to do at the same time to make you? you happy. What can anyone do to please can't do it? The problem is that you, you are not understanding the full extent of how incentives and payment keep people here. You have misunderstood my question, sir. I'm not trying to solve the, the tax issue or the employment issue. How do we get those 10 million people out? Because we're only getting three or 400,000 a year right now. How do we pump those numbers up, as Matthew McCona Hay was saying? It just fucking told you. You start punishing the large businesses. All right. They're all punished. Now, how do we catch all those?

You're interrupting because I'm answering it earnestly. What you do is you start punishing business owners who knowingly employ illegals because they are cheaper than Americans. That's like a level. That's like traitorous, like not paying Americans a fair wage so you can hire slaves from the third world. Fuck you. If you're a billionaire or millionaire business owner who does that shit. And even if it's at Maralaga, if the manager of Maralaga is doing this, throw it. him in jail too. Fuck these people.

They are engaging in practices that harm Americans in the working and middle class. Immigration as a whole harms the working and middle class and I am against it. So I understand Taylor's vision, right? Like Trump's vision is kind of cruelty is the point. They want people to be

scared that we're going to separate moms and children. They want people to be scared that ICE will beat them up and self-deport. Cruelty is his point now. But Taylor is like opportunity is the point. People are I'm going to America for opportunity. If we remove their opportunity, then they'll leave America.

And I'm like, I'm against any sort of meaningless. For no reason. But just remove the incentive. I'm not endorsing the idea, but I do think it makes sense. So tell me where I'm wrong. He says there's 10 or 11 million people that are here that aren't supposed to be. They're not going to pack up and leave because their boss got fined. They're not going to pack up and leave because they can't send money home.

What are they? The whole point is coming here. They will pack up and leave if they can no longer get a job. They will pack up and leave. Their life is here. They can no longer be reverse tourists where they send money they make here to other countries. 10 million of them will? I hear a girl is going to.

Like there's different levels, right? Some guys have been some people have been here 18 months. And they probably will pack up and leave if they can't get a job anymore. or they speak the language back home, etc. Other people came here at five months old. They're Americans in their soul. And when you take away their opportunity, well, I have a hard time co-signing that.

People are a natural resource. I mean, they want people to have more babies, but they don't want the people who are immigrants to come here anymore. I mean, you can solve one problem. problem by putting those people at good use. Yeah, I agree with that too. Like, a country is strong because it has good resources, good, if you've ever watched this thing on how America is just gifted by having two oceans and the Mississippi, I lost

it for a second, the Mississippi down the middle and so great, like, we've got really nice geography that helps us. The other thing that's good about America is the people that live here. That helps us too. And you want to have a population that grows at the right rate. and you know you start shrinking that we've seen what shrinking towns look like they call it the rust belt it's not a good thing and a shrinking tax base is a bad thing and if you shrink populations or don't grow at the right rate you have to manage that resource better is there a better i know i see on

reddit all the time 20 something say they're not having kids because of financial issues not because of a lack of desire to have kids yeah that's a tough thing to solve you know you're going to make houses cheaper across the way, especially when we tear for the lumber, smart thinking. You don't have, my whole point with the deportation thing is that Trump is needlessly taking on these horrible optics that a lot of people in America think are cruel for a very teeny tiny little gain when you could make more meaningful gains. Because my goal, unlike Trump's, is to actually handle the illegal immigration crisis. And that means you punish business owners. You punish millionaires. You punish billionaires.

You punish big tech oligarchs for defrauding the H-1B program, for example. What will that do to cost? Who gives a fuck? Americans will have better jobs. You can play about beef every week. People will compare, will have better jobs. Like, it will be painful to get rid of a slave class that we have become so accustomed to in the country. But that's something that we need to eliminate.

We want manufacturing. How are we going to compete if we're paying everybody 50 dollars an hour? We're going to have to pay people fair wages. Okay. So don't count. Billionaires and millionaires will have to make less. So no more. We will have to pay more is what the answer always comes down to.

It will always trick right on down to the consumer. So you're okay with like barely legal slaves doing this shit? I think we should go ahead. Or illegal. Well, first of all, we have legalized slavery in this country already, but I'm absolutely in favor of that. I don't want to pick your strawberries. He's talking about prison. Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah. It's legal, it's legal slavery. In Alabama, they, uh, they let them out to go work at like KFCs and stuff and take their checks. And they, they, they, they sell them. They rent out their prisoners to local businesses like KFC and then they come back and they go back to prison. Um, it's slavery. I never heard of that. That's.

wild. I don't know. You could do these deportations in a way that pissed off a lot fewer Americans. I asked you how. If you go after business owners who knowingly hire illegals in a severe way. We keep talking in circles, but it seems to me, correct and if I'm wrong, that your goal is to make it not financially viable to be an illegal in the country and hope that they will. leave on their own. Yes, that is what I say is that if you're so scrappy that you, you invaded the United States from a third world country across the world, you'll find another job, you'll find someone who will hire you. You go to a small business

that will absolutely hire you. And then we'll have the federal government cracking down every mom and pop and every farmer across the country. Will we go after the individual chicken farmers, dairy farmers? Yes. The wheat farmer, all right, we're going to eventually, we will trickle down that farm. And we will make it so scornful. We will make it so scary to employ illegals instead of paying Americans a fair wage. They are the scrappiest people in our country. They will not flee. They will look harder for other jobs.

Or they'll turn to crime. What percentage of them will self-deport versus what percentage of them will simply turn to crime when you make legal and employment illegal? Like even more crime in addition to breaking into the country. Oh, you think it's crime now. Then tell me, you're a little bit of lower rate than the average of America. To use a little bit of Woody's vernacular, you're shooting down all my, I think, salient ideas about trying to shoot this down. And you don't have a adequate solution. You have shifted the goalpost and refused to answer the question about what you would tell Trump he can do to catch more illegal.

Punish the billionaire. You're playing all defense in the offense when you do that. How are we going to, we got, we already funded. No, that's like a glib statement. Like, that's retarded. Like, you really think that if we goal. after some billionaire owner of Tyson Farms and we throw that guy in jail and it's because of the number of the legal.

Anyone who employs an illegal. You think that that doesn't trickle down? You don't think people get scared and start getting more right with the law. I'm going to jump in for a second. I think you guys are going in circles. So Taylor, I understand your concept and I also think that it would work. I don't know if I'd endorse it. What nuance would you add?

What about the person who came here at five months and is American in their soul? Like, do you have any nuance for that guy? Like, there must be exceptions to your thought process. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you were born here and you're like, you know, you're born here is Spanish. You, you, or like, if you were five months old and you got brought here and your family's

working for Tyson, whatever, like, I do have, like, pity and understanding for that person. Like, that makes sense. As long as they're a generative member of our country, I think that's fine. What if they're on disability? Let them be. What if they're hurt? What if, what if a car hit them? And now they're crippled and they live in our country. All right.

I know he'd say that. We'll talk about bad optics. All right. That's just funny. That was the funny answer that you delivered to me on a second platter. And so I'm going to have to answer to that. So maybe if in Taylor's dictatorship, if you're a member of a household that pulls the train, right? So this includes moms and kids and stuff like that too.

Then there's a path to citizenship. Yeah, if you're pulling the train and you're not, you know, grabbing from the train, then I'm fine with that. No, but I've got to go. What if the immigrants before they're thrown out actually have due process and say, I'm actually paying taxes, even though I'm not taking out social security, I'm putting more money into the United States is you didn't have to pay for my education or public schools? Are they net tax? Yeah. If they are net taxpayers. If they are net taxpayers, then I'm okay with it.

If they are paying fucking $60 in income tax, and they're also using our public schools, and they're using our healthcare programs and things, and they're getting housing vouchers, and they're getting special little credit cards from the government. Like, of course not. No, I don't want those people here. People should not show up to this country begging.

You should show up to America because we are elite, and you should be elite to be here. Well, a lot of these people are actually fleeing violence in their own homelands. Like with Venezuela, it's just going to get worse. We're going to get more Venezuelan migrants making their way up here. So I'm sure they would much rather stay in their own country if they could. And those are people that need help. And it says on the Statue of Liberty, bring me your poor, bring you you're tired.

Are we turning in. We didn't like that, though. That was a poem written by a poet in the early 1920s, I believe. I didn't co-sign that shit either, right? That's whatever they want to fucking stack. That ain't how I feel before and now they're well prepared for it. I've ruined it for you. No, I don't care how long you've been here.

I don't care what age you were when you came. Kyle's more brutal. You've got to pack the fuck up and you've got to go. And to answer my question with an actual answer, go harder. Who cares? Go harder. Go harder. Go into the schools. Really? This is what you do.

Go into the schools throughout the educational system, make people inform, and create a bounty system, implore, get more of the private sector to do these bounties. If I don't want to punish the billionaires who employ the illegals, I want to pay them to inform upon them. I will buy your employees from you and mail them back to their home countries. Tell me who's working for you, KFC, Tyson, Pilgrim's Pride. give me your give for every worker you turn over to me tell them it's fun day and they're getting to go on a

fucking vacation it's only half a lie all right tell them to come and do that do you know that that uh that you're on to something right and then instead of going to work we put them on a train right hear me out then our train sucks we're gonna fly out of the concentration camp put them in the showers look i like you plan we don't need to gas but i i don't want that i don't want that prison camp near me it's an away. The town's fighting it right now to keep the prison camp out. But we do need some prison camps. We need somewhere to store, categorize, sort those people out, and then send them to where they need to go. And if their kids end up in cages, you should have thought about that because we're the country that puts children in cages. You don't want your kid to have a fucking

dog collar on. Don't fucking invade Florida. Don't fucking invade Georgia, because we put kids in dog collars here. We gas people with carcinogens. We shoot people in the fucking eye and put them out, all right? We don't fucking play about invading our country. We don't fucking live. country, all right? We don't play that. That's what I want. I want to go hard in the paint and get them all. I wouldn't know when America was a good guy. I don't want to be fair. I liked when we were the good guy too. Yeah. We are the good guy, the bad guy invaded. The castle doctrine, baby. We're not going to put up with it anymore, Woody. Well, I think you're going to get your, Kyle, I have a theory. I think you might get you what you want. Because I think that they're doing this in Minnesota. It's a blue state, blue city, uh, conservative.

circuit and they're going to try to make people so mad that they have a reason to do the Insurrection Act. Agreed. Yeah. Agreed. There's way more. They're not actually trying to get beyond. There's millions in Texas.

Yeah, but Trump is a fucking pussy. He's not going to do it. He's going to back out. What was your point about Texas? That's where the illegals are. They're in Texas and Florida by the millions. I hear you. In California.

But it's like two million. But Minnesota, they're targeting punitively because of walls. Yes. Because of the, for a while they went to latch onto the Somali story. Trump is all about what has traction in the media and what works on Twitter and what these issues that are 90, 10 issues. He loved those because he can bend them and twist them and get people who normally wouldn't be on his side. And he's doing that with the Somali school thieves or whatever the fuck that stole the billions of dollars. What's crazy about that is they're all on walls about it.

him, but Wals is the one that's been prosecuting them for two to three years now and has had arrests, has had convictions. Walls is being investigated now, too. DOJ's, I don't know if they filed charges. Yeah, that's another one of the- Walls is not for the immigration thing and not for the fraud. They're filing charges for something about instigating violence against ICE or something like that.

Oh, yeah, he was on TV saying he wanted, he said it was an occupation and a war and he wanted his National Guard to fight ice, which is just a weird thing to say, I guess. Yeah, of course. Like that, you can't be saying, I want to fight back against the federal government. I don't know. States right.

Or not, guys, it tends to be frowned upon. States rights and global warming are Republican values depending on which, like, month it is. If we're trying to get Greenland, global warming's real. If we're trying to drill for oil, global warming's fake. If it's a red state that wants rights to fucking roam their cattle around, state, state, state. If it's a blue state that wants states rights, suppress them. How dare are you?

Well, I think, like, a big part of this is that the right is learning what the left has known about politics for decades, which is it is a friend- enemy distinction. like when the left gets in power, they are ruthless. They will try and get Trump removed from the ballot in blue states. They did that. They tried to remove. You should have been removed from the ballot. Really?

Why? Yeah. Because of the insurrection of January 6th, he shouldn't be able to hold office again. You think those people, the most armed per capita group on Earth, showed up without guns to conquer the government? They had guns. How many people were shot and killed by the rioters? Not by the rioters. But they did have weapons.

At the ellipse thing, Donald Trump, they were stopping people. How many people were killed at January 6th? Just real quick. Just like how many? Ashley Babbitt was the only one killed there. There was a five. So you do think that the most armed populace in global history showed up to overthrow the government and they forgot guns.

It's just silly billy shit, dude. That's nonsense. What were they there for? Why did they storm the time? They were there to. Because they thought the election was stolen. Why did they chant hang Mike Pence? Like it, why did they?

What was the mutilate that cop? Right? Cop lost an eye. Mutilated. There were hundreds of cops that were injured. Yeah. And you guys are like, he's not mutilated. You know, two eyes is superfluid.

It wasn't that. The way when Hutch said it, it was funny. It was very funny because he was trying so desperate to make it more intense than it was. Okay, side side thing. I was watching the Jack Smith thing today in Congress. And there was a Republican that was just basically denying all the facts about January 6th. And Michael Phanone coughs really loud and says, fuck you! and then was giving them the finger and got escorted up.

Yeah. Pretty based. We'll do. We'll see. I don't think that. We'll see how January 6 has looked at in 10 years, 20 years from now. I got a feeling that it won't go in Trump's favor. I don't think that it's going to be, it's going to look any better than it does now.

I also have a hard time. in an attempted insurrection as much as just it was so unorganized. No, they were trying to get the, they were trying to buy time, trying to make it so the election couldn't be certified so then they could bring it back to the states, use their fake electors scheme. There was a full plan. But they walked through a lot of the old people who were locked up without due process for months for walking through velvet ropes.

They were part of that scheme, you think? How do they get in there? The cops let them in. They opened them. That is not true. That is not true. But the tracks were due to that you know going forward. They stole riot shields and bashed in the windows.

That's how the first people got in. They knew which windows weren't reinforced. Really? Wait. Which ones knew the windows weren't reinforced? Was it the miners or was it the almost 300 plainclosed federal agents? There wasn't almost 300 plane closed federal agents. Oh, yes, there was.

You haven't seen that report? The FBI admits it now. Yeah, there were almost almost there. There were informants, which are bad guys that were there on their own. There were hundreds of plainclosed agents. No, they came out after when they were called up as reinforcements. You're talking about that group? No, I'm talking about the group that was breaking in windows,

plainclosed federal agents trying to agitate riots. You think it was the federal agents that busted through the windows? That's your thinking? No, I'm sure there were a bunch of retards that too. But there were absolutely plainclosed federal agents. This isn't even a conspiracy anymore. No, that is a conspiracy now. I mean, I do admit that Trump had FBI agents there.

Sure. We do remember who was president at the time. Trump's FBI. For the previous four years, it wasn't Trump's FBI? Was it Obama's FBI that was there? Was it Biden's FBI from the future? Did he do it? The FBI is large.

its own thing, like, unless it's closed and and recharged. Let's see this. Oh, look at this. That's a check from 274 FBI agents noted an internal report responding to you. Change your tone. This is actually against you. You were there. Do you think they were there to shut down all of this?

I'm just saying what the report says that you're quoting. That's all. I mean, it's what the report says. Are you just mad because you were there? I was there. And the reason that we- Report says they were not undercover or invaded- I was right behind that guy with the podium.

I almost had it. See, if you hadn't danced around an immigration question, I might not have sent that link. It was not about the immigration question. No, you weren't. You avoided the question. You changed topic. I think I answered it over and over and over and over. So your answer is, Mr. President, I have no idea how to make ICE more effective. But I have these business strategies about how to find business owners who employ the illegals.

And I think that'll create a trickle-down effect. And we also have them stop sending money back home. I think that'll take your whole problem, get all $10 or $11 million to self-deport, sir. But I have no, by the way, this is the question, ideas about how to make ice more effective as a illegal catching agency. I want to hit it back. I know it's Taylor's term. That's not what the question was. The question was, what would you tell Trump? Well, there's more to the question. What would you tell Trump to bump those numbers up?

He says he doesn't like how many they're catching. He wants them to catch more. Okay. How do we get those numbers? Now I understand both sides, but I didn't until just now. I thought Taylor was answering your question and I didn't know the question was so focused on ICE's effectiveness. That's what it's all about, because that other thing he's talking about would take years and a whole new agency to employ,

and they've already got ICE funded. Again, to like the size of Italy's military, ICE is, they've already sent... I always hear more funded than the United States Marines. That's the thing that falls into my head. They have bigger budgets than the Marines. And I'm like, whoa, the Marines is like one of the big things. You know, like, that's a major part of the United States.

The fact of the fighting force in the world. And they are also, I bet Marines actually like that because something I hear from my friends who were or are Marines is that they kind of take pride in the fact that they are funded like dog shit and the army gets everything. And so they'll be like, we're on the way with our old shit to do what you guys couldn't do with the new shit. I know. I do understand the pride. I see how it's cool, but I also like, you know, we go in there with scopes where the batteries are dead. I'm like, well, maybe that's too much. Maybe they charge you off guys.

Maybe a little USBC. Here in the U.S. Marines, we get our girlfriends to send us chapstick in double A's. And I'm like, well, that's not great. Maybe we should shift some of the military funding to the actual soldiers. Just a thought. Yeah. No. I like those $100,000 ice bonuses.

We're getting the best and the brightest on the line. I mean, you can see them. They're a fucking effective cell. They're good shots. Everything I've seen, they seem to know what they're doing. They can throw a... I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like the knees to the head of a grounded opponent, Woody.

All right? If John Jones can't do it, I don't know why fucking Billy Ray can in his ice uniform. I saw... That's fair. I do like when they throw... I like the petty bear macing, though. I do like that. I like that they're very liberal with their,

their bear mace. I genuinely like that. The thing about bear macing is I don't know anyone who's been really hurt by it. The non-lethal shots to the face, I'm not a big fan of. But people are, people have been blinded by bear maize too. Only,

no, no, you can't get blinded by that. I just, I hadn't heard that before. I don't know. Yeah, it's just pepper.

It just burns. It just sucks. But you get shot in the eye with those bullets. I find it like three people. Yeah, yeah. The freaking ping pong balls filled with bear mace launching at 200 miles an hour. That's not good. They're like paintballs, I think.

I think they're like first strike rounds maybe even. I'm not really sure about that. No, they're like paint balls. Yeah. Well, first strike rounds are from the ones that I keep in. Those finned ones, which. Yeah. It was a kind of pinball with like an arrow's tail on it and they shoot straighter.

but they definitely by the way I want to be right not biased about politics I was wrong about the plain closed thing hand up wrong about that

I know you know that you fucking fagg you can't even let me be nice you are dude you're just the worst man you're just stop talking shit about NASA

no no you deserve of your your lay of L's I never fact check you but you start talking shit about NASA I'm gonna be typing away over here every time you have a little tiff with Woody fucking sliding Woody notes and shit I fact check all the time I wore out chat GPT and said you gotta pay if you want a fact check anymore

I pay Woody I got you wait what you have to pay if you search more than If you use more than the free amount, then you have to pay for it. I think I pay like $25 a month or something for like $5.0 version or whatever it is. I don't really pay attention. Oh, have you seen the stuff? And you also get SORA. Have you seen that like chat GPT, I guess, is slower than some of the other AI engines, like behind current events?

And so like after someone is like, like, after like, Charlie Kirk or Renee Good, like, after Renee Good, like after Renee Good got shot, you could go on chat GPD for like a full day or two and be like, tell me about the protester who was shot in Minneapolis. And it'll be like, this is dangerous misinformation. No one has been shot in Minneapolis. No evidence has been shown of this. You need to reevaluate. And I say that because I typed it. So I don't know. It's been updated now. I saw screenshots of it. They could have been screenshots of me face. but the screenshots I saw were like of the results for asking that exact question and it was exactly what he said it was like okay it was within the first day yeah in the first day so it doesn't match my lived experience

but maybe I was a few hours later than the people you're talking about I don't know yeah I have a question before we wrap so in my world grok is considered the one that could be politically biased and sometimes inaccurate and I can point to shit about it claiming that Hitler would solve this problem great that Elon Musk has the stuff at age 50 something to be a professional UFC fighter that's real and the mecca hitler stuff like like grok's gone off the rails a time or two and it's considered to me to be the worst of the majors on the tritter world twitter world do they say that like chat gbt is a liberal plant or something or that no mostly what i see on Twitter about chat GPT is that it's slow on incorporating current news.

It's like the rip I see against chat GPT because GROC is fine. Like I'll even go on chat GPD and do like the couple free searches sometimes when I do something and I'll compare GROC to chat GPT. Bro, it's it's the same shit like slightly, slightly changed in verbiage, but it's the same fucking shit, dude. remarkably similar because I'll use chat to be we've done on the show a bunch of times I'll type of thing and then Taylor like exact answer you know like I'm like oh it says you're between like 36 and 39 percent is a thing and he gets the same things like so they can match a lot they're clearly like it's less a difference between Grock and chat GPT and more a difference about what sources they these engines are aggregating from same sources and so like Grock is

aggregating from Twitter and Reddit and these things. And I'm sure ChatGPT is also aggregating from Twitter and Reddit. And so you get these same like weird, you get a lot of like ellipsies and weird style writing in there sometimes. The needless hyphens in between statements like independent clauses. So it really does feel the same to me. Yeah, they feel about the same to me. I think you'd have to ask it a more complex question or maybe maybe ask it. to do your math homework or ask it something that requires like actual calculation to maybe see a difference. You're probably going to see a speed difference, but they're all drawing from the same resource, which is the internet. So they all have the same source material. It's just how quickly

it's updated on in their systems and how quickly they access it and what they prioritize. But generally speaking, they're all the same. They're all going to go to that top Reddit listing. They're all pulling from the same area. I wonder if Grock got secret government info from Doge. I don't know. Turns out they really did sell Social Security data to somebody. I forget the details. They said their boys were

misbehaving. Okay, that's one way you could go. Yeah, what are you got to do? I just wish we had a say in all this. I wish our votes mattered, that I could vote, I suppose. Kyle, I always

vote twice for me yeah yes oh well thankfully now trump can carry Missouri I actually vote thrice for Woody too uh all right we should wrap I'm sure my heart Craig Craig where can everybody find you your content what you're doing tell us um you can find me on uh Twitter at Craig's like C-R-A-I-G S-L-A-E um on instagram mole underscore Slike or Mole 5 Slike underscores in between and the Mole 5 channel

on YouTube. And I'm probably going to be putting out some commentary episodes from the mole where I tell all the background stuff. I'll be putting that out pretty soon. All right. Every channel has a different name. Man does its own branding, everybody. I'll be paying attention to what you got.

All right. P.K.A. 780. it.