Painkiller Already - PKA 792: Hard And Juicy

Episode Date: February 21, 2026

P-KA 792, just the boys this time, Taylor? This episode of PKK is brought to you by Blue Chew, lock and load, our merchandise. We had to start quick. Woody and I had to call an audible because I brought up the one with, I wanted to talk about that monkey, that sad monkey story, and Kyle just starts pontificating, starts giving a Gettysburg address of all his animal takes,

and I didn't need to ruin it. I don't like that animal. We're wrong. Some of them are wrong, right? You like the animals with no eyes? You like seeing dogs with no eyes? No, but that wasn't the wrong one. Dogs with wheels are heck and awesome, dude.

I see these happy dogs regain their mobility. You drop a dog in his little mobility wheelchair. That's the happiest animal you know. This is bad take. Dogs with wheels are dope. I agree. When you said you feel bad for eyeless dogs, for sure. I would feel bad for an eyeless anything other than like a pit bull or one of the horrible animals.

I don't like disabled dogs. of any kind. The wheels make them happy that you can see their little tail trying to wag. I get that. Don't misunderstand my take here.

It's not that like, I think they should have been put down or I dislike them as dogs. I don't want to feel the feelings that I feel when I see that little fucker wheel around the corner all happy because I know that he could be happier if he had four fucking legs.

And the whole time I'm looking at him, I'm thinking, oh, I hope other dogs aren't mean to him. I hope they don't pick on him because he's got wheels and shit. I hope he can keep up. I don't want those feelings. feelings, those thoughts, happy thoughts, four legs, two eyes, it's all I asked for.

Wow. That sounds like, you're helpless as fuck. Yeah, it is ablest as fuck. They're dogs. Look, I see a guy on, and crutches. I don't like avert my eyes or anything, but, but when I see the, well, some, yeah, I don't need to see. Right.

You see a guy with a malformed hand and you're like, why is he still alive? Honestly, like, like, I've had a couple of malformed hands. Guys, like, shake my hand without a warning. And I was like, fucking get that flogmed. I mean, I didn't say that. I shook the flipper, but I felt all. You just hit him. Yeah.

This happened like a few months ago at this point, but I went to my local dispensary and the guy who takes your ID, because all of them have this weird setup where you go into like a lobby and there's multiple locked doors, like an entrance and an exit and you have to ID. Yeah, and then they let you into the locked area. You do your shit and then they let you out the other locked door and you leave. and the guy he was standing, he was a short guy and he was behind the PC where they like register you or whatever, you know, put your ID in. And so I couldn't see his his full body. And he said ID handed it to him.

He used a little kind of fucked up arm with like a deformed hand to grab my ID. And like then all I'm thinking is I go through the same thought process I do when I see handicapped people at the grocery store bagging for me where like I become intense. intensely sad rapidly where I'm like, oh my God. Think about this guy. Think about what this guy went through, what his parents, what his brothers, his sisters. Like he didn't get to play sports. His friends always probably ragged on him or something.

And I'm like, Andy's short. Oh my God. So I'm like at the automatic window after he lets me in, like picking out like and I want this kind of edible and this vape. And I leave just in the worst mood because you just can't stop thinking about it. Tell me if this is anyone else or if I'm, I'm just a terrible flawed human being. You see a guy with one arm, right?

Maybe it stops at the bicep or something. You ever do a... I could beat that guy up. I've... I've... I, you know, I will now, but... I'm just a chest pumping him. What's up?

What's up? What's up? You want an arm wrestle? Oh, you're blind, too? You're blind, too? Well, rest of sure, I'm towering above you right now. Oh, veteran. I'm so sorry. You're blind?

I am a veteran. I'm also... Salute, soldier! What was your rank, sir? Oh, gunnery sergeant. Man, that takes me back. Just saying stuff like that. You can refer to me as major.

Oh, fuck. Was that too high? Should I not have said the... I think I went too high with it. Then they started. asking you questions that are answered with some sort of number code. Yeah, I was in the 81st 101B, maybe.

Brother, I could tell you. But I'd have to kill you. Jesus Christ. No, I feel sorry for those fucking crippled animals, man. I see that every now and then I'll see like a wiener dog and he's got to have like two sets of wheels because he's so goddamn long and it's pitiful. And I saw this one lady, she had,

of course not really, it's a joke. And then I saw this one lady. He's like, really? I saw this one lady she had like rescued a bunch of crippled dogs and they're all going for like a forest adventure. And it's like 15 dogs of various sizes running the gamut. And they all got wheels, dude. And some of are tripping over and their carts are getting overturned.

And she's running behind fixing the little carts and they're all yipping and yapping and chasing squirrels. The squirrels have four legs. They should have got them some crippled squirrels to chase. That would have been fair. It seems like the squirrels were mocking the wheels. And it's just like, I don't. I don't want to feel these feelings.

I don't need this. You know what she should do? When it snows, she should let them all out, like, on the road. And it would kind of reenact that, like, North Carolina shot, where they're all just burned out, twisted, fish tailing. Jackie said she's worried that our dogs are defective. And they're not. But I'm worried to.

And it's just how long it takes them to wake up. Like, when this dog gets out of bed, How long does it take to slide out of bed? Not long. Two minutes? Two minutes? What the fuck? You'll stand there for two minutes with their front legs on the ground, their back legs still on the bed.

And I'm like, is this just your new location? Like it, should I have your mail sent here, Jonah Bark? Like you're just going to stay like this forever? They walk down the stairs so slow. And I have to spot them because like one time in 20, they will fall down the stairs and I have to catch them on the way. When they walk through the door to be let out. out, you have to really, like, you understand how long it takes a dog to walk outside. Well, since it's four times longer, you got to be like mentally with it not to close the door

on their tail, which hasn't happened yet. But Jackie and I have both been like, watch the tail. It comes through slow. That baby slithers out 10 seconds after the dog passes. And when they're alert and awake and they're in like a full gallop in the backyard, probably most people know, I mean, like a call it a yard, but it's 15 acres. There's a lot of space. and they're out there like horses galloping around

just like in a sprint breaking 30 for sure but then when they first wake up it's like they're broken my dogs aren't like that I will say they like pop out of bed like they explode like like performance athletes and they're ready to fuck yeah they can't get in bed yet

this is a bed that they should be no I have to carry them and it's getting harder and harder to lift these dogs you can't do that anymore they're they are too big to be demanding a care. They're a ramp, but they're scared of the ramp. They'll put two feet and that's it.

I put the back feet on the ramp and he just turned into a caterpillar and slide. Dude, you're laying in bed. The only reason you know they want up up is because they're coming over and looking down at you on the pillow because they're gigantic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're putting their head on the bed like one of those deals. They've got their chin on the bed. there are small dogs that can just leap up, right? Yeah.

My daughter's dog, his name is Cedar. He just flies up onto whatever. He could jump on the counters or anything. It's like a cat. My dogs, they're still young, though. He seems like they're lazy. Yeah, six, seven months, something like that. They're awkward little kids.

I had to teach Toby the stairs. He was terrified of them at first. Do your stairs, are they hardwood or do they have any grippy stuff on them at all? all of them at least have carpet down like the middle 75% yeah that's what I'm kind of getting at we put those like tread stickers things down for the dogs specifically because they were they were losing their shit down the hardwood steps and experience that's fair a lot of dogs struggle with like the hardwood

stairs yeah especially my dog it's it's just when they're sleepy which is most of the time they're just somewhat athletic sometimes it's wild Is that not their like reputation? Like I guess you would know You've had tons of these Like aren't they known to be kind of lackadaisic

And going at their own speed? Yeah, they're either all the way on Or all the way off kind of And I think as puppies They're still off even more than they will be as grownups I think letting them sleep in is fine But you've brought those behemoths in multiple times And I can't imagine how much more they've grown

You're spurling those dogs Carry them into bed right now That's crazy That's it. They're probably like 80 pounds. And be like carry me up. I'm like, you're, that's done. I'm not carrying you up the stairs.

What are they like? Like 70 pounds by now? That's a fine guess. Yeah, something like that. That would be huge. Surely not. I mean, they get well over 100, right? We go to the vet on Wednesday.

I could tell you next week. All right. I'm going to guess then. I think those dogs are 60 pounds tops. 73. Because it's next week. They'll put on weight. they will

they're huge literally will we were using chat GPT to figure out how much to feed them all the time and you know this many cups and it's complicated because it goes by the size of the dog but it also has something to do

with the size of the dog or that it will be and anyway Jackie's like I'm getting lost free range feeding now there's just always food we might as well buy

the 40 pound bag slice open the top and leave it in the kitchen I think that's the move for puppies though I had this idea that overeating will make them grow to their full potential. So with puppies, I always have like free fed. Yes.

Because you free fed, huh? I just took a bag of lucky charms, cut a slit down the middle, left it on the floor. Who ate 10 eggs last night? There's another thing I left out, which is that Great Danes are susceptible to the same thing that horses are. Is it called colic when their intestines get all twisted up? So typically when you have them neutered, you have their intestines sewn into place so they're no longer at risk. But by them having small meals all day long, that's safer for them than to like give them four cups and have them go hog wild. Fair.

That's crazy. I had no idea. Great Danes were so big. Their intestines got. They're essentially livestock at this point. Dude, it's farm animals here in the house. They're terrific. Do they use Great Danes for any like work?

Or did they use? where they like farm dogs or like what's their origin or was some guy just like we can get it bigger we can make an even taller dog they're making malin laws across the sea and they're going for the fattest we're going for the tallest that's the one I made out I don't know what was that hunting dogs to track and kill large fierce wild boars bear and deer 16th century germany I feel like you'd need a good little squad to go against a wild boar or you're going to lose a lot of great danes. No, you're a weapon, right?

The way guys do it in Texas, they'll have like three at least. And they'll sort of occupy the boar while you fight the boar with a spear or a knife or whatever you're trying to do or a gun if you're a pussy. Yeah, but I'm saying the boar is going to fuck it up. Says the man from a helicopter. I've done it with a knife. You know, doing it from a helicopter, as we all know helicopters of death traps, that might be the most dangerous way to shoot them.

By the way, while I was in the helicopter, I was wearing a machete that was basically a sword while I was in the helicopter, and the goal was to leap upon one and, like, stab it, and they would not let me jump out of that helicopter. I was like, we're not going that fast. He's like, what if you fall on the sword? Like, I won't. That's all I had.

That's all I had. They were convinced by that argument. I had no way. Nothing after that. So a monkey got big brothered in a zoo, I guess? I saw the video. There is an orphan monkey at a zoo that is so lonely that they gave it a stuffed monkey and it drags it around like its adopted mother and like snuggles with the stuffed monkey

instead because he's been rejected. And then there was a news that said, oh, good news. He's been hugged finally. The monkey finally got its first monkey hug. Another monkey hugged it. And there's a picture. And I was like, oh, good ending to the story. And in this video, you just linked me, Taylor.

That's from today. That's from today. Now they're beating the shit out of this little monkey, apparently. I couldn't even watch it. They roughed him up so bad. Yeah, that the monkey, I guess, is obsessed with this stuffed animal. And maybe they waited too long to introduce him to the troop. Because now, undoubtedly, all the other monkeys see it playing with a stuffed animal and are like, what the fuck is this?

This isn't vibing with me. I don't understand this. And so you're right. Two days ago, I didn't see a monkey hug, a little punch, the cute little girl monkey. But I saw a female, like, adult monkey come over and start grooming her, which I guess was like a good indicator of like, oh, this adult female is going to like take this little little girl monkey under her wing and make sure she's safe. And then some man monkey today came over and like grabbed it and spun her around a lot. They didn't leave the ground. So it wasn't like she was going to die or anything.

thing. But it was still, it would have been scary. If a monkey grabbed me and did that to me, I would be in a horrible mood. And then it ran and retreated to the stuffed animal, which is undoubtedly stinky and an off-putting thing to the rest of the troop. They really failed socializing. What's the monkey's? What's the monkey's? What's the monkey's name? I think it's a little, I think it's punch, right? It's a little punch. It's a good name. If you were king, how would you handle this? Like, off the top of my head, little punch befriends like a tiger or a silverback.

and then we reintroduce Punch and the tiger to the group of monkeys and now anyone that treats punching correctly deals with Mufasa over there You have a tremendous confidence in tigers and guerrilla's self-control they would fuck that little thing up

right away. The tiger would be like I guess I could eat before lunch I don't know, you never know. Did you see that one tiger that became friends with the goat? Probably but that seems like an exception to the rule. Well, they would live feed the tiger goat. So like once or twice a month, it gets a live goat to eat.

Well, they give it the goat and it made friends with the fucking goat, like not just ignoring it and leaving it alone, but like they're pals. They're like, gnezzling each other and chilling. And so they were like, all right, I guess we'll feed rabbits or something. I was hoping we could do something to promote the friendship. But if it needs to be punch in an elephant or punch and a hunter, right, like a human, then. Yeah, I'm open to ideas here. I'm just spitballing, things that can beat monkeys. I think you're not going to get along with the group.

It needs a human, like, to adopt it. It needs, come on. Maybe. Or they're going to warm up to this weird monkey. The whole reason this thing began, the reason they gave it a stuffed animal is because nobody liked it because it was an orphan. Yeah, maybe what they should have done is take like a mama monkey that didn't have her own, like a kid.

Kill it's baby. Don't, well, now, now we're back to the drawing board. Now, that's not a mama monkey. That's just a female adult monkey. A female adult monkey. What is wrong with you, Taylor? That doesn't have. A female's only good for being mothers?

Is that all they can do in your little world? In the case of the zoo. They can't play goalie, apparently, based on our private chance. Taylor was like, I could stop that easy. My dad would have chew me out if I let that one through. Oh, for sure. He would have. The monkey thing, hold on, because I have a solution to the monkey thing.

Okay, okay. an adult female monkey and maybe a couple of them you you isolate them with little punch they're all going to get along for a little while and then you introduce all of them back into the big group and then you've got two adult female monkeys to kind of vouch for punch are you sure you don't want to introduce one male like a a kindly father figure who's going to come back and maybe an older male who's kind of like mellowed out that's a pedophile monkey no no You're not getting it. You're really fundamentally missing.

I mean, you're not explaining it well. You thought like an older gentleman to like nurture this underaged orphan monkey. I'm thinking you've got like a whole Epstein scenario playing. No, we don't bring Harvey Chimstein over. We bring an older mellowed out male monkey, a couple of female adult monkeys that are popular with the main group. They spend the week with punch. Hey, bitch, you want to be the Lion King movie? Just let me jerk off on you real quick.

Yeah. Now with Louis C. hanging over here. That's what Weinstein was up to. Weinstein would like get him up in a hotel room and like, like, like, he liked that too. He and. Well, that's different. Louis C.K.

like to be observed masturbating. Harvey Weinstein wanted to come on you and get weird and he wanted to watch you shower and he wanted to get in a shower with you and he wanted to fuck you too. But you got to start. What do you get. Weinstein's right. Those things are all better. They're way better.

But see, the difference is you can just ask. He's not married to the person he's doing. doing it with. I think being observed masturbating is like most women don't even see it as a kink. Sarah Silverman was like, yeah, said yes. Why not? Crank one out. Let's see. You know, like, well, you know, you can just ask random women on the street to watch. See, that's what you get with hairy women. I'm telling you, they're more sex positive. They got that tea flowing through them. I mean, Jewish women. Harry women. That's the common denominator. Well, that can be synonymous. It's fine. Yeah. They're all hairy.

Italian women. Some of those Spanish ladies, Spanish ladies, Middle Eastern ladies, they get that arm hair. I don't know about those Sicilians.

They're brown for a different reason. I'm not into that. I don't know who we're talking about. I saw the a sopranos mix where it had like Christopher and like all those guys and they're like,

it's really funny how if you play Middle Eastern music, all these Sicilians just look like straight up Persians. They got too much gold on wearing track suits. Slee back. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I think there's a way to fix this punch situation. Either that should be gruesomely killed because they don't get on the ball. They need to take that monkey

out of the enclosure, either find a new pack of monkeys that might accept it. They don't know about the toy. They don't know this is an orphan. It's like Jordan New School as a nerd. You're like, they don't know I was a nerd in the last school. They don't know I played trumpet. Throw that shit away. I've come up with a sport or something. You reinvent yourself when you come over this new pot. monkeys or it needs to be adopted by a human being who will look past its weird ways whatever the thing that is on it that they needed to get rid of that stuffed animal before they introduced the monkey because i don't know why you think the stuffed animal is the problem monkey feel because all the monkeys know that's a like a weird puppet thing i don't think they do i brought a stuffed animal to

school i'd be ostracized too yes that's a good point okay now you've sold me yeah i love that that argument is the one yeah this man knows how that a had a debate, Taylor. I do have an idea. Master. He's a big of pure on time. I'm a monkey keeper, but I am a fish keeper. And what they do in that world is they introduce the fish to the tank, protect it.

You know, one of them, maybe put a screen in between them or some sort of glass. So that the other fish, they freak out. They charge the glass, whatever. But you give them a week and they calm the heck down. You might remove the glass and get some aggression, but it's not what it would have been because they've been like dealing with this new fish is sent and be. and looking at them for a week now, they chill out. Maybe there's something to be learned for the monkey world.

I think a fish as on the bottom, like if we're doing an intelligence tier rating system, I think a fish is like an F tier. And I think of monkeys as like a borderline S tier. Definitely A. So I just don't know if the same tactics will work. The fish are like, oh, every time I bothered him, I hit that invisible thing. It hurts. The monkeys are like, as soon as they take this glass thing out of the way, I'm going to poke out.

your fucking eyeballs. They think I don't know that they're selling churros right there. I do. I don't think I could see the churro vendor mocking me. The monkeys might chill out over the week or the zookeepers

might learn that that monkey is prock and angry and not introduce them at all. It's a thought. Yeah. Well, think you take that monkey in. Hopefully little punch

survives. That would be brutal if the zookeepers are so not on the ball that it gets murdered. But that is part of the monkey world. You know, live fast die hard. What zoo is it at? Let's see. I don't know. Baby

Punch. Yeah, I just assumed it was St. Louis. No. No, the St. Louis Zookeepers would be on the ball. That's one of the few bright spots of the city. It's a Japanese macaque, abandoned by its mother. It's in the Ichikawa City Zoo. Yeah, so we're not going to be able to visit. That's unfortunate.

If it was Atlanta Zoo, I'd go like, you know, maybe get my bluebush. Maybe I could help him out a little. I bring the slingshot, fucking tag that mean monkey a little. Toss a banana to him. That was my idea. I was like, I don't know. What if we could give him things in which he could buy friendship?

Some beans and bananas? I think they literally get jealous. They're going to like, let's kill that new fucker. The humans are giving him bananas and treating him like he's better than us. Let's fucking cut him tonight. I would tell Punch, dude, give this to your new friends. I don't know if monkeys know. a barter. We just

had S-tier, intelligence. What are we doing? Chips know how to bar. We're S-tier. They're definitely not. There's a whole S-tier. They're not going to set up a chimp economy in there. They're going to beat this thing's ass. The chimps did set up an economy. They gave them... I know for the prostitution. I've used it for

my world's oldest profession bit before. Yes. But that does work. They traded grapes for sex. They did that. Which, by the way, I was right about. Clearly, it's the world's oldest profession. If they were fucking monkeys doing it. You know. Taylor, asking for a friend, how many grapes does it cost to fuck a monkey? For them, it was, I think it was like one, like one or two that they were given chimp females.

And I have so, I mean, my friend has so many grapes. He'd be in heaven. Oh, humans don't. I tried. I tried to open hand feed. And I would go and shh-h-h-haped. They hate grapes out of my palm. As hairy as you are, I thought it'd be down. Okay. Damn. But yeah, big, big ups to baby punch. Hope it's going to be all right. The Olympics, though, we defeated the dastardly Canadians today in women's hockey, which is great news unless we lose the men's hockey game, in which case no one's going to remember this. But we're in the finals, right? Yep. No, I think we have to beat. We play. No, we, we, uh, or no, we, we, we can see me. We don't know anything about hockey.

men play for the for the for the for gold on Sunday right I thought we played Chetia tomorrow oh my gosh I hope Kyle's right I thought Chetia lost to Canada because we'd remember they had like five or six men on the ice in that picture not five but like seven or eight or tomorrow we have to in the semi final play Slovakia and Canada has to play Finland so it wasn't Chetu's Slovakia those are kind of given right When Kyle told Taylor about hot.

Mark the date, ladies, February 19, 2006, Kyle's schools, Taylor on hockey. I'll tell you, I got nervous for a second. I watched the last game. He's one of those things he wouldn't let go. I watched that OT went yesterday. That was actually pretty great. Because U.S., I don't even know, like when I see this nine minutes left in the period, I don't know how many started with.

How many? 20. 20. I thought they were 10. I was like, man, they right off, right off the bang with a goal. Because as soon as I turned it on, there were nine minutes left in the period, maybe the first period. And U.S. scores a goal.

And I was like, oh, shit, are they going to blow them out here? This is going to be a fun one to watch. No, no, it was a three to two O.T. victory or something like that. It was not a high scoring game. So, Kyle, what do you think the perfect amount of scoring is for a sport? I think everyone agrees the NBA is too high. I agree soccer is too low. So what do you want teams to win by?

Like five to three? Yeah, it depends how long the game is, I think, obviously. You're telling me this is 20-minute periods. It's an hour-floor. Professional hockey is three 20-minute periods, hour-office. Okay. So if we're going to be out there for an hour, man, it really needs to be like six to seven games.

We should mention that there are two 20-minute breaks in this duration also. How lazy are these guys? I thought they were tough athlete men. Sometimes they played for 30, 45 seconds in a row. What is it like Great Danes? They're taking a lazy. They have to Zamboni the ice between periods. I don't believe that either.

I feel like we should just let the eyes. It doesn't take that long. You've never seen anybody come out and re-sod the fucking football field or something like that. You don't know how rough the puck or the ice gets when professionals are playing on it. By the third period, if they didn't like zamboni it, the puck would be actively moving slowly. lower across the last. And only do I not know, I don't care because I like bad weather games. Bad weather sports are the best sports. If I see there's going to be a football game, even if I don't care who's playing, and it's a blizzard, there's accumulated snow on the turf.

You can't see the numbers anymore. It's like visibility is low for the, like, oh, this is a different thing than what I normally watch. It's going to be played in a different way. Let's see which coach and team are able to adjust these conditions and maybe like, maybe this team is a cold weather team. I like that. I always like baseball played in the rain. It's always been lame to me. I like it in.

Oh, roll up the tarp. Baseball doesn't play in the rain? In Formula One, the driving sport. Typically the same people win every week. There's 20, soon to be 22 cars in the field. And if you gave me three choices, I think I'd pick the winner 95% of the time. That sucks.

But when it rains, suddenly the guy with the best car doesn't necessarily win. There's a little more luck. And it's equalized a bit. Some guy with a car that's not competitive in the dry can now be competitive in the rain. He has less horsepower. What are you going to do with all that horsepower in the wet? So it's fun. I've been watching this YouTube channel.

They do shorts where I think it's the same guy playing all the characters. It's one of those where it's like touch to this guy. And he's in a different outfit. And it's like the rules. I like the cause. But I'm not sure because I'm kind of like, what he? There's a visual. And you're fooled by like a Washington.

The truth is I'm not paying. Sometimes he has a cap on, like a hat. And sometimes he doesn't. I'm just not paying enough attention to it. It's on my other monitor. I'm listening to it and watching it. Anyway, you got like an F1 rules official. And he's got like Ferrari on one side of the table and McLaren on the other.

And Ferrari is like, so we got a look inside their car. What's this? is a third pedal. They're like, what's that third pedal do? And then, well, that one's the gas and that one's the brake. And, you know, no, we don't know. That's why we're here. What does that third pedal do? It's another break.

It's the oil slick. Why do you have another break? Well, it only goes to one of the tires. Wait, what? Well, see, when you slow down one of the tires, the car turns. So we're able to accelerate into the turns. And instead of pressing, and we just slow down the inside, tire. So the car is steering straight but turning. So it's a steering

system. No, no, no. It's an accelerator. It's a brake. It's a brake. Because if it was a steering system, that would be against the rules. Oh, and the rule official is like, well, that's clear cut to me. Wait, what do you call it? Brake, steering. Ah! It's like every episode is like that.

You just called it steering. One is kind of fun. There was maybe five years ago, something close to that. There's a device that measures how much fuel you deliver to the end. Yes. Okay, cool. So this device measures how much fuel like every half a second or something like it's a lot.

And the rule is like this device can't meet, you know, can't exceed these measurements. And since it goes every like half a second or maybe even more like every tenth of a second, like 10th of a second, like 10 times a second. Yeah. They managed to squeeze extra fuel to the motor in between the measuring.

And they're like, so we technically didn't break any rules because while you were measuring, we delivered the right amount of fuel. And that's what the rule says. And they're like, God, damn it. They find them like $150 million, but there were no penalties or admitting of wrongdoing or something like that. That's one of the episodes of this thing I watch.

Right now, Ferrari, because they're doing testing for next year's car. And it's a big year because they change the specs. Like most years, the specs are the same for like five years in a row. Ferrari flips the wing upside down in the back. Like when they go on straightaways, they just turn it upside down. Turns out the rules don't say you can't do that. So it's like gives down force in the corners and then they flip it upside down for the straightaways and go fast. And I don't know what they're going to do with this, but here we are.

You don't want down force the whole time? No. I thought those cars went so fast that they, oh, I guess, yeah, only in the turns. They're like wheels have to be hot enough that they don't. Because I know if you try and drive those things slowly, you crash because they don't turn well. Yeah, top gear made it really big gear. They want to stick to the road in the turns. So they need the down force.

Yeah. Yes. But the down force slows them down on the straightaways. So they just flip it upside down and start zooming. Why is it mechanical? Like they push a button inside and like Batman, it flips over? Mm-hmm. This is F1 you're talking about, right?

Yes, yes. So why is that illegal? Because the whole basis of it is like, because I've heard you talk about it. You're not an in road to it is like it will just be known sometimes. like, oh, Ferrari, they got the best car by a league and a half this time. Or, oh, who's, Lamborghini or whatever other fucking Porsche. Like, they're already not even. It's not, I think NASCAR, they have to have all the same cars, right?

But in this, you can just, whatever your company can do, they can fucking do. NASCAR is the same way. Oh, I didn't. There's a lot of rules in NASCAR, but there's enough flexibility that they implement them differently. And did I say NASCAR? I meant F1. In F1, there's a lot of rules, but all the cars are implemented differently. and it's kind of neat to see which engineering team is best.

And as a guy who's, let's say, lightly informed, like, I can't tell who's the best driver. It's not necessarily the guy that wins every weekend because apparently the fifth best driver. Russell or George Russell jumped in a Mercedes car one year. His first race ever was getting first place. He had his pit gave him like a bad thing to do and fucked up his race. But he was winning until there was like one lap left. and he had never raced before. He was just covering for Lewis Hamilton.

I think he had COVID. I'm glad you brought the pit. So I watched that Brad Pitt movie F1. I know you watched it too. Not being an F1 fan, just being pretty ambiguous about F1. Like, I'm not an F1 hater or anything. It's just I don't,

I'm not into it for whatever reason. I did not like the movie. I didn't think they did a good job of covering the sport for someone like me. Like I didn't have a good idea of where everybody was all the time. And for some reason, they sort of shoehorn in that

one of his pit crew, like one of the tire changers is a woman. And I was immediately, like, as soon as I saw her, I was like Googling, are there any women pit crew members in F1? And it's like, no. And I'm like, well, then what? And then she fucks up.

She like, I don't remember what she did. She like, she was slow. She cost him several seconds on a pit. She fucked up a tire or something like that. And then somebody was like, hey, you cost us to have. there and Brad Pitt's like, shut up you, you leave her alone. I'm fucking her. He wasn't even fucking her.

And later on, she's like, appreciate that back there, but you need to leave me alone. I got to like make my own way. And I was thinking like, why aren't you fired? Didn't you cost us like three or four places just in by dropping the tire or whatever? You were a fat guy named Gary. You'd be the hell out of here right now. Costs us four seconds on the street. There aren't a fat guys named Gary changing tires.

Those guys are pretty fit, right? term professional athlete, but I think it might apply. Like, they are incredibly fit. They drill and practice all the time. They shave tents and hundreds of seconds off of their, like, whatever their thing is, whether they're operating a jack or moving tires or shooting like lug bolts or whatever they're doing. The tire is crazy.

In particular are the strong ones. Like, I could probably lift a Formula One tire and get it on place, but you need a guy who handles that, like I handle a box of Kleenex, right? You know, tire means nothing to him to put that thing on easily and wear. How heavy? are they? Like an F1? An F1 tire? 10 kilograms.

The rear is 12 kilograms. Yeah, I would guess they're as light as human. Oh, excuse me. That's without the rim. Hang on. Let me see. Oh, because they're all about weight diminishing.

Okay. 40 pounds for fronts and 46 pounds for rears. Yeah. So it's like grabbing a plate. It's not that much. It's like grabbing a heavy plate. Yeah. It's actually lighter than I expected it to be.

But, heavier than I thought. Like, they throw them around really, really lightly. That's impressive a cell. I won't do it. that. No woman can do that. No, not well enough. Not at a professional level. Like, I'm sure she can make it happen. A woman, there's millions of women who could get the tires on the car.

I only half agree. Like, I think a woman could do it, but I don't see a world in which the woman is the best at it. And this is Formula One. Yeah, definitely not. So, if you need to be the best, then there's going to be a crop of guys. We need to be one of the 25 best or whatever. How many are in a race? How many cars are on the circuit? 20, but this year goes to 22. Okay, so you need to be one of the top 22 women. You need to be top 22 humans in the world as a woman at something that pays really well. Let's see what those guys pay. Yeah, there are women in Formula One, but they're in like engineering and, you know,

I see them holding clipboards and doing brain work. Yeah, of course. How much do you think they make the tire changer a year? Oh, I don't know. But I know there's so much money around Formula One. I got it. They make $185 grand. a year.

How many, wait, hold on. How many teams are there in F-1? And every crew is 25 people-ish? Or these guys are, the tire changers, I guess, four or maybe eight per team? They do more than just change the tires. I think these guys are mechanics that work on the car all the time. I bet they make a quarter million a year. You get four dedicated tire changers per wheel to change the tires during a pit stop,

supported by eight tire carriers, one-on-one off per wheel. Oh, one on and one off per wheel, making 12 people directly responsible in the wheel changes. The total pit crew, including Jackman and stabilizers, is 20 to 21 people. The main tire man, I'm going to say 300. What's he mean? 150 to 350, yeah. That's a big range. We were all right.

Yeah, we were all right. That's a good. I like that. We all won. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I think they do more than just change tires. I don't know about NASCAR, but in the F1 world, I think they're not just specialists. They're probably prepping the car ahead of time, et cetera, et cetera.

I'm impressed by how quick they can undo all the bolts. It's just one. Maybe I'm thinking of NASCAR because I've seen those guys go in multiple places. And I know when I've used things like that, even on workout equipment, I'll like put it on there. and have to like readjust a little bit, make sure it's like the correct way, and then do it. I can't imagine just the,

because they're hitting it perfectly every time. It's like they're angling it to the nuts. Different nuts. I don't think so. I bet you it's built in such a way that when you push it, it finds it. That's what I'm saying. Different nuts,

different gun. Yeah. Their shit is all built for speed. And you've got some consumer grade, you know, $80 tool. It's a whole different story. I bet their guns cost hundreds or thousands of dollars.

That's cool. I like when something like, when money gets involved and all the little extras just get space age. You know, no expense is being spared because it's such high dollar business to be in first rather than second. Yeah. Yeah. It's a neat sport.

I just never got into the racing sports. I'm a new fan. They call people like be a drive to survive fan because I found it from that Netflix series and step with it. Do they say that like haughtily? like oh he wasn't in it or if you might say like in the MMMA world like there were Connor McGregor fans for a while

like people who joined the sport because of his celebrity and maybe something stuck around that's really gay they shouldn't rip on them like that that'd be like being like oh you're a miracle on ice fan hmm yeah wow that's when you started caring and it's like yeah that kind of is what gets people into it

big cultural events if you stay with it long enough suddenly miracle and ice fans are vets they are now yeah for sure Oh, did you get into this in 1980? Fucking noob. Fucking 46 years ago. I think this White House UFC card is going to be an opportunity for something like that,

to make superstars and to earn fans, or earn like lifelong fans that have never been exposed to the sport. If they go out and put on a real show, if they have one of those, it was when Robbie Lawler fought, what was his name, his nose exploded. voted. Oh, oh,

Robert McDonald is close. Rory McDonald's. Yeah. I sometimes, you know, get iteratively closer. Oh, that's close enough.

You got me there. Once I, when I heard of him, he was Rory. If they have a fight like that on that card, that's the kind of shit that wins lifelong fans. When I saw that, whether it be out and open or behind the scenes,

Dana should bonus for finishes. Like, You know, it could be a lot. This is a White House card. This is once in a lifetime. I did, is it permanent? Is that forever? Let's see.

I thought that was a one card thing, but I thought it was permanent. I mean, you, maybe you're right then. I'm not sure. But much better system. Yes, they're permanent. So as of January 26, they have a new permanent bonus structure

that includes guaranteed payments for fighters who finish, for fighters who achieve a finish. 10 exit for the White House card Make people Like Kill each other for Everyone's gonna be pointing on the ground

Max Holloway style being like Dude one of us gets bucks Let's go Yeah I hope Holloway's on that car That's a good idea They really should I'm psyched for that card This weekend we've got

Sean Strickland on a card I watched his press conference It's about 30 minutes long It's like Fuck Melatonin In a fight for him Man he's the most entertaining

on the mic though. I watched his whole 30 minute press conference. He's very funny. He's so awful. He's so controversial. Every word that comes out of his mouth is just... He knows what he's doing. I think also it's 80% calculated and 20%

who he is. Yeah, his press conference is going pretty viral. It's age restricted on YouTube. He was calling people faggots. Would he say like a bunch of pre-menopausal women fighting that he didn't care about? for the Rhonda Rousey,

Peter Corona fight. Yeah. He cares about that. I'm surprised he doesn't like, I'm surprised he doesn't like, every time I see a Sean Strickland press conference, it feels like he should be standing there, no table in front of him,

holding a mic, like leaning on the stand. And another thing, folks, these two old menopausal ladies, no one wants to watch that. And that half time show faggot, I don't like that either. He did that.

Yeah, he literally called, like bad bunny a faggot and then uh but he was about ronda no i don't think so no he just not like in the in the middle school like lame sense

sure he said no one likes women's MMA no one likes women's MMA no one likes women's MMA he's like ronda was a good fighter she's a fucking Olympian but but Gina Gina's just hot and she's not even hot anymore and they all laugh and he said something

he said something like any of you could beat up a man in noon yet he said any of you could beat up Amanda Nunez. That fat guy right there, I like you. Sorry, I'm sorry. That fat guy right there. You could beat the shit out of a man. Yeah, you could.

Yeah, you could. No, I couldn't. I don't know who you're talking. I don't think we can, but he would know better than us. And so it is him saying that. I'm like, maybe maybe if I touched her, I'd be like, oh, you're so weak. Like, I don't know. She is 130.

35-pound woman. When I was new, I rolled, not fought, but rolled with a world-class woman, and she kicked my ass. She was just so much better than me. Every time there was a transition, I was confused, and she saw opportunities. That's fair. Yeah. Definitely in jihitsu, it's a whole different story. But with striking and standing, I don't know.

I don't know. I genuinely don't know, I guess, is where I'm coming from on that one. But he seemed to think that the fat guy with the microphone. could beat her up. So that leads me to think maybe so. No, that was a great press conference. He was wild.

What else did he say? He's funny. Something about I like pussy and fighting too much to go to jail. Like he had all these ridiculous. He's like, women are good for lots of things, you know, cooking and cleaning and making babies and being mothers.

That's what you excel at. Come on, I'm just playing with you. Not you. You're fine. You're good at your job. Really, though. All you're good for is,

but seriously, folks. He's walking back. He's walking back and forth. He's stool humping. He's doing the two step on that one. All women are good for is this. But not you, but seriously, but just kidding.

He's pretty good at that. That's the best way to do those things. He's like reading people's joking. He's like reading her face to see like, how offended is she by this thing? I did. Ooh, a lot. Okay, let's backstep. Let's backstep.

So you guys aren't going to be super interested in Rhonda Rousey versus the lady who got fired from Star Wars with Big Dead? No. No. You know, I got fooled by Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz fighting in their golden years, and they just didn't move like pro athletes anymore. They were both champions, both badass men in their primes. But as far as watching sports, old people shouldn't fight.

Yeah, I don't know how old they are. Let's see. Gina's 43 and Ronda's 39. Fact check me? I get that? Yeah. Ronda's definitely 39. That's not too old.

I just think they're going to be slow, though. It's not like they were lightning fast to begin with. And I don't know why anybody was here to see that. Women's MMA is improving skill-wise. My favorite is Bece-Corea or whatever. She fought Rhonda for a title. Six months earlier she was a single. certified public accountant and as bad asses her previous career may have been but she's not tell me

another's like what guys weight division do you get a title shot six months into your career yeah yeah yeah no you even make the ufc six months into your career i mean there's been some guys who come over like like perera literally did that i think i think he got a title within six months but but that's a one-and-a blue moon kind of thing i i just women's mMA is is kind of a joke. There's only been maybe four good women's fighters ever. Like Amanda Nunez and I think maybe Rose and definitely

Valentina Shepchenko. And then, I don't know. Like not, the karate hotties joke. Like all those people of that generation are a joke. They're not, they're not, I mean, they are professional fighters, but they don't, they're not nearly at the level of the men on.

It's, and it's ended every time they go out. Yeah. I'm going to watch that card, though. I know you don't like Sean, but I do like to watch him fight. I love his, I like his slow. Watching him fight the way he walked backwards and teep kicks. He walks forward. Hides behind his jab. I do. I do like it. I like people trying to figure that puzzle out. I like him stuffing their takedown attempts and saying, no, no, no, we're going to play my game instead. Boop. Boop. Deep kick. Boop. I like it. He tortures them to death for 25 minutes. And that nobody else. Me too. I like it. And I like him. I like

Watch me go 25 minutes of not hurting somebody in a fight for points victory. Oh, he roughs him up pretty good. He knocked fucking Adasanya out. I think that the middleweight division is kind of messed up, though, because I'm guessing it's potentially true that if Sean Strickland wins this fight, he gets a title shot on the White House guard. Like, that's possible. And that would be Chimaev.

That would be, but they asked Sean about that. He's like, I don't think they want to bring a terrorist to the White House. I don't know. With this administration, though, they probably will. They had Habib, Mackey, Macamalan up there the other day. You fucking believe that shit. Fucking terrorists in the White House. So yeah, they put me on the cards how I love to. He slowly, like, hid behind his jab for 25 minutes against Adasania. He didn't knock him out. That's right. Would they want to bring? Pereira knocked him out. And then he did the both. Perera. Yeah, that guy knocks people out. But Osana knocked.

prayer out too. It did. Yeah. You don't think that's going to play. That'll play into the White House's decision, or Dana White's decision, I guess, right? Like, he doesn't want a guy doing Strickland's style in front of the country because he's just like you said, they're trying to grow the game right now. And so they're wanting like big hits, knockouts, like spinning kicks, shit like that,

I would imagine. Yeah, that's fair to say. I don't think Yaya Rodriguez has fought in a long time, but he's this. really lanky long Mexican guy who does lots of spinny shit and I love every time I fights I love it because it's Who's the one that does flips? He's bigger

I forget his name There's a dude out there No this guy just flips in the middle of the fight He does like flip kicks and tries to hit you at the back of his heel Never lands Is that a page or whatever MVP? No although he does wild shit too He's not the one the one I'm thinking of

If I were to guess his ethnicity, he might be Brazilian. Okay. Yeah, I think they want to put on a flashy card with a lot of finishes to take maximum advantage of this opportunity. Yeah. Well, for your guy's sake, I hope it does shock the world, grow the game, get a lot of people more involved than UFC. Then they asked Sean how he felt being on Paramount now.

He's like, I don't get fuck. I guess I'm cool with Paramount. They did ruin fucking Halo, made Master Chief lame and gay. kind of just like shit on my childhood, you know what I mean? My hero. But whatever, you know, they don't pay us anymore either, but fuck it. Michael Herrera is who I was going for. I'm sure I slaughtered his name.

Taylor, can you pronounce that for me? You're good at that. Perea is what I would guess. Okay. But you guys know better. You hear the announcers say it. They say it both ways. He's like, Michael Perea.

Is that how they do it? That's pretty good. I'm not down with that. You could be next. Put on a fake voice. Fighting! Out of the fucking east corner or whatever they say. His spider name in the middle, though.

His spider was in the middle, Jamalador. Michael de Malador, Paraya. I watched this, I saw this clip of the Joe Rogan experience where he was on with Shane Gillis, and they were like, how do you like get in the mood for UFC?

And he's like, oh, for me, it's just like so fun. Like, I'm so interested. I just kind of getting that different timbre of voice where I'm like, the thing you need to notice about this, this guy right now is he's about to go on a double like what you need to look and he like just went directly into Joe Rogan fight mode and even Shane Gillis was like dude that was crazy it's like I was at a fight like how do you do he's like yeah man it's kind of exhausting doing that Joe was Joe talking who said that Joe hasn't done that in a decade I love that version of Joe Rogan now he's just a fucking wrinkly scrotum who doesn't talk about the fights anymore well they have him I think you guys told me they made the mistake of having two color guys instead of a color and a color.

Joe became a color guy on his own. Are not the fight. Like they, I don't know what they're talking about. It's not the fight. And every so often. You need a color. You need an analyst.

That's why it's a great combo. You need both. It's like they forget that there are people watching who have no idea what's happening. Like they stopped doing that. The early days of announcing was mostly that, like explaining to an audience who'd never seen this shit before it. What the fuck is happening? You know, it was, there was a lot. No one knew what Jiu-Jitsu

was, certainly. Most people still know. They still need that. But they don't really do it enough. They should, Joe was so good at it. He'd be like, all right, all right. You know, he's threatening a choke. What this guy needs to do is get his hand to his ear and, you know, create some space so that his blood can keep pumping to his brain. And

he'd explain all that. Now, he's just like, oh! Thanks. Thanks for that, you genius. Well, that's frustrating. In his world, though, like, it would be easy to assume between his podcast and the UFC. Like, to him, everyone knows UFC now. Like, it's global.

It's a big thing. Like, he's not, I don't really think he would think the number of, you know, just I made up my own reason. He used to be the most knowledgeable guy on the team, right? It was him, Goldberg, some guy reading ad, shit like that. Now, he's surrounded by professional fighters and getting alphaed in terms of fight knowledge. So he doesn't do it. but he was good at it and nobody does it now.

Seems like that'd be an easy pivot though. Like you bring Cormier or whoever he's like commentating with. You just shift Joe to color guy. Bring in the pro as the analyst. You have a talk beforehand where it's like, you're going to be the one explaining the bits about the fight and Joe's going to do reactions and maybe if there's like fun facts about the fighters in a dead time.

He'll say that. They haven't found the analyst former fight. fighter that they need. I like Dominic Cruz, but I feel like the jury's out. I'm the only one that likes him. So Daniel Not a likable guy. Yeah, that's something I like

for though. I like this being. I like Cormier. And I don't mind Joe nearly as much as you do. Like I want him there. Like ideally he's there on my announcing crew. I just wish he would do better. It's not that

like I would prefer if Dominic Cruz filled in for Joe. I don't want that. at all. I want Joe there. I feel like Joe adds his own little show to the mix. Like he'll talk, he'll touch on things that are outside the UFC. I don't need the like play by play anymore. Like advanced jujitsu for sure. If he's explaining that the guy needs to get his left arm on the over here, he needs to get both of his feet on this side of his body. I don't know that. It's great to hear that. I want that. But like basics nuts and bolts of mixed martial arts, I've got down. I don't need my handheld anymore. But I do like when they shoot the shit and it feels.

feels almost like when he does that watch party on his podcast, you know, when he just has his boys there and they play the fights. Sometimes I use that audio when I'm watching the fights. Like I'll mute the fight and play their audio. I also do that with MMA guru. I like hearing his commentary because he gets, he's way more invested in MMA than anybody on the side of that ring is. You know, he's having meltdowns if things don't go as well. Is there like a huge dearth of actually competent potential commentators? coming out at the end of their career of fighters. Like there's just not that many guys who can do it.

These guys get punched in the head for a living. That's what I'm saying, like trying to be polite. There have to be people who are great at it who aren't getting a chance. Because there's a lot of people who know about fighting. There's a bunch of YouTubers who might be really good at this, who like break down fights or talk about it and such. There's one guy, this Olympic, I think maybe he tried out for the Olympic team but didn't make the Olympic team in UK who talks about boxing.

And I love watching that guy's stuff. There are a lot of people who could be great, but it's almost like you have to come in with name recognition, and I wish that wasn't so. MMA guru does that, and I know he's wildly popular. Like, where he, doesn't he like do that thing where you commentate along with it

and you can turn him on while it's playing? Yeah. A lot of people like him. A lot of people love to hate him, but everyone watches it. Everyone knows what he's saying. You know, he's super famous. But sometimes he didn't do that fishing trip with Bryce, by the way.

I don't know if you saw that. Did he do that? He's in a creek with Bryce Mitchell fucking fishing at dark, I think. Bryce Mitchell's had some hot takes lately. I'm trying to remember. That's the hilarious guy. That guy's a plaid earth who praised Hitler. What's he done lately?

Yeah, I thought he was the really funny guy who was like, I won't even start on the earth shape. And it's like, and then he proceeds to, he doesn't believe in it at all? Essentially no. Like the idea that the satellites are up there moving 17,000 miles an hour or whatever they're doing. He's like, he's like, you think that things up there just going thousands of miles per hour and it don't stop. Come on.

Use your head. That's, I mean, that's hilarious. Get him on the mic. He's full of those. He's full of those. Yeah, that's funny. Get them on there. I don't care about the bail.

I don't care about the money. I'd fight for free. I got my farm. I got my chickens and my pigs. I can provide for my family with my rifle and my wits. I fight for the Lord. I'm bringing Jesus Christ in the ring for me. I'm fighting for the blood on the lamb.

That's what I'm about. This guy is great. I can't wait to watch his next night. Talk more about the planet shape. This is a real, this is a Sean Strickland fight. Really go off on the planet shape. We got time. He's hiding.

He's doing his little Floyd Mayweather thing. I like Bryce. I want to get into Brazilian jih Tichit, but I feel like it's too gay. He's like, that's a good point. It's fucking gay. You need to avoid those gay jit schools. Again, why have they not tapped this man? Like, as a potential talent, everything I've seen in that guy is hilarious.

Imagine Bryce is a commentator. Imagine you sit Bryce down there between Joe and D.C. and like they'll have uh yeah Perea's really got to work his outside jab here and keep some distance the the kicks of Hussein are just just devastating like tell you what that tear some bitch better not try to kick me

I'd shoot his ass dude I've seen yeah the outside that jab Joe for sure I would guess he is knowledgeable he's a he's a real fighter I don't know why I was surprised to see him talk so intelligently

about actual fighting you know defense and offense and like he's an expert in fighting shouldn't be a surprise he fights at the highest level but i just thought he was like stupid and lucked his way there somehow i don't know what history i made but he knows i mean stupid people can be good at one thing it's very common 135 at 5-9 this guy's a stream bean yeah yeah yeah he's got his own branded shorts he's the only guy with the camouflage shorts. He's really rocking that redneck like down south vibe. Is he putting

that on? It doesn't seem like he is. No, he's not putting it on. He comes into the ring. He comes into the cage with a Bible and they're like where do you get that Bible? I don't know. We searched him. He didn't have it.

We patted him down. He didn't have the Bible and now he does and he's out there and he's I can't remember. So he's also a master of sleight of hand? He holds that Bible up like his opponent is a vampire. Yes, yes, thank you, Woody. He wields that Bible like a psychic weapon, and you can see he's squeezing it hard, Taylor.

He's like an evangelical preacher squeezing that bitch. It's all curling up in his hand. I can't remember what he's screaming, but it's either like repent or like Christ is Lord. He's screaming it at the camera, though. And then like after he wins, all right, he wins the fight. Lord, God helped him out. He secured the victory. I wasn't fair.

It was 2B1. He had the Lord on his side. After he wins, his opponent's pretty beaten up. He won the fight well. And he's like, this is a good man right here. This is a good man right here. They ain't no losses before the eyes of the Lord. Get down on your knees, Jerry.

And like, Jerry's concussed. He just got beat up in front of two million people. And he makes his opponent get on his knees with him. and Michael Bis being probably an agnostic kind of fellow, very uncomfortable suddenly as he stands over two men on their knees who begin praying during the, he's interviewing. It was the point where he's like, wow, it was a big fight. He didn't get down on the knee and throw the mic in front, see what else was to be said? That's what Joe would have done.

No, that would have scoop in there and like covered the prayer. That's not good. I would have put my hand on top of their head, held the mic in front of my dick and interviewed him. That'd be fucking hilarious. Bryce would beat you up for that. I think Christ would have been from hands. You'd be a meme. You'd be one of those

guys running around with wheels behind you. Kyle doesn't like with dogs. Look at Woody. You've had so much fun in the yard now. I didn't get a regular chair. I don't know. He really shouldn't have pissed off that Bryce, fucker. There's only five.

Some shit Drifter would do. I just imagine him. Instead of a regular wheelchair, he gets to face down. He's just running around like a dog saying how to that he had. They have them on like a massage table. A very low massage table where he can reach to the side. Yeah. Damn.

Well, this guy, it seems like based on what you're saying, Kyle, they're leaving money on the table, not having this guy in the mix on the side. Seems fine. Oh, you want him on the crew. I do. I would absolutely want like they every now and then they plug in a guess it's been a while but but work him into what like this weekend is a fight night card it's a lesser card Taylor it's like the it's not minor leagues but it's not one of the numbered events sure um there's not I don't know what you

what's analogous to what they do in that and that right in any other sport um every every day's game day and baseball but in any case that would be good to place to try him out and it god damn if he wouldn't be good. I'd watch every second. I'd watch every second of that broadcast just waiting on Bryce to bring up Hitler or the devil or something. I'm thinking if Bryce gets a UFC

commentator job, he's instantly one of their three best guys. I agree. I mean, I would replace any of the current commentators if it got Bryce Mitchell on the broadcast. I really would because not only is he knowledgeable enough to cover the sport. He's not some Yahoo at a left field,

but he is a Yahoo. So getting him in there, you would get the best of both worlds. I would appreciate his technical commentary on nuts and bolts. But if he ever got off on a tangent, if Joe was like, wow, I really knocked him to the moon on that one. You think the moon is real, Joe? Let me tell you, it's a big light in the sky shining down on us, okay? Joe, let me ask you, do you feel like we're going 12,000 miles an hour right now? No.

It doesn't feel that way to me, Joe. why aren't we flying to the end of the auditorium and being smashed and dashed upon the concessions dude it would be so fun to have him on there the wild shit he says that his co-hosts have to deal with I want that too yeah I yeah I like the way gal phrased it there isn't a single guy I'd protect to like if it costs the

Bryce getting on the crew yeah any other sports have been around long enough that they have this like faux esteem where they take themselves pretty seriously, like baseball, hockey, football, basketball. Like, UFC isn't in that milieu yet. They can still capitalize on cooks and funny guys just riffing. And it's a crime. They're not doing that. Or at least not doing it well, I suppose, based on what you guys are saying.

Slightly different topic, but also in the MMA sphere, our good friend Dean the Great, you remember him from getting the piss slapped out of him by Larry Wheels the other day trying to grow his wife and punched by that other day too that's what I was going to say it's been a bit of an update he was he was at he was again like rampage is there so it's some sort of rampage streaming party or something like that and there's this guy named like teaky i think let me even get his name right he was a training partner of um tito ortees and some other guys that UFC fans will remember yeah i don't know i don't know dean i'm of Dean the Giant or Dean the King or whatever his name is, is just extremely small. But

that other guy looked like a mountain next to him. Yeah, Dean is a 145 pounder, I think. It's boxing. So they do a weight class every two and a half pounds or something. But he's a lightweight boxer, like influencer boxer. Not like, he's not fighting. Well, you know how that goes. Big take polished. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And this other guy, like you said, this Tiki guy, I think he's Rampage is manager. He's an ex-UFC fighter. He's been a training partner for pros and champs. And he's the conversation, the video begins with him. Like Dean, Dean is like, you know who I am. He's like, I don't know who you are, man. He's like, you know who the fuck I am. He's like, wait, aren't you that guy that got slapped? He's like, yep, yep, I tell you what, I'd slap you.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, I'd slap you. We can do it right now. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And he just sucker punches the fuck out of Dean de Grey. He said it was an elbow, but God, it was so fast. I couldn't tell. He was so bad. He was quicker than I thought he would be. Club the fuck out of him. Knocked him clean. Just easily.

Well, then Dean gets up and like attacks him as he. I don't think I saw. So Tiki goes into the party after he decks him. And the cameraman is just to shoot the cameraman. Because he doesn't show the body. He barely shows Tiki. walking in, but he does go in with Tiki. And then Dean

gets up like Undertaker coming back to life and like runs in and starts working Dean's back body like a heavy bag while doing that like vocalizations while he like throws thunder punches as fast as he can at Dean's back and that's it. Dean like turns or not Dean,

Tiki Tiki turns around and they get them all separated and everything. There's a lot of N-words drop and that's kind of the end of it as far as I saw. He didn't get to hit him after he worked the body. I don't think so. But what he was doing it, like the bodywork looked like Tiki is so big. The bodywork looked like he was dust in the

man's coat off for him. Like it wasn't effective bodywork. It didn't look like. But him going when he threw him like a video game character, cracked me to fuck up. And then... I need to watch a better version. Then I saw a video today of Dean is down bad. You know, he's been punked two days in a row. He fed

he finds a white guy who's just like drinking outside. White guy's also way bigger. White guy's at 6-2 or something. He's towering over him. And he's like kind of threatening the white guy. And the white guy just laughs at him. He's just the white guy doesn't look scared. But he's just like, oh yeah, you kill me, huh?

Don't want none of that. Then I'm out. You know, if it's like that, don't kill her. That's pretty well handled. It was so well handled. Did you see the close? of what probably led to him being so mad at Larry Wheels. It was pre their, the Larry Wheels slap.

Oh, I did. Yeah. They were, they were. Let me just listen. I'm sorry. Oh, no, no. They were in like a fight gym and Larry Wheels is there and the dude's a monster. He's gigantic.

And they're doing like a little foe like pretend fight. And Larry Wheels grabs him when the guy comes in and then. spins him around like you remember Mario 64 the way Mario spins like that mouse around and throws him like the monkey at the zoo exactly callback and he just spins him until like Dean the Great is in the air looking like a child and then Larry almost like gently lets him go in an area where he's clearly not going to be hurt and he'll hit the pads and everything and you can see Dean get up and be like very he he looks like a mass By asculated by that.

But it's like, what did you think was going to happen going in against a guy three times your weight and 10 times your strength? Like that was the gentlest way Larry could have shut you down is just grab you with his monster grip and then spin you and then deliberately slow the spin as he lets you go. He has that short man syndrome so bad. And he really should look to someone like Kevin Hart for what kind of energy to bring into situations like that. Be a little self-deprecating. be funny about it, but like, don't get your feelings hurt when a six-foot-eight giant picks you up like a rag doll. Like you're a ventriloquist dummy and play along or something.

And by the-this is going to happen whether you like or not. That guy, Tiki Goson is 5'10. Oh, no. He looks colossal. Dean the Great is 5-5. Damn, dude. And so I think you're correct. He has a little bit of small-man syndrome, and he's really getting that over his skis with

these giant men. He's getting beat up because he's trying to alpha these giant people, well, tough people. So 510 is a big 510. Yeah. He's probably 510 250, right? He looked very intimidating. He was a big, scary man. Who wouldn't fuck with that guy? No. Yeah. No, I don't want any of it. I don't think I'd fuck with the little guy. Five five or not. If he's a pro boxer, you know, I'll take him in our craters. I don't want to fuck with anyone. People have guns. This is America. Literally after the Dean guy got slapped, the first time he's like, I got my strap in the car. That motherfucker's not bulletproof. I'll kill that motherfucker.

And it's like, all right, now, we're still streaming here now. The girls didn't see it. They go see the clip. They don't see the clip. Yeah, they're going to see the clip. That was so good. What does he do now? He's been alpha two or three times, the little guy.

Oh, I'll tell you what he's doing. I watch the stream. Does he have any good wins? Man, you can't keep a good dog down. This guy does not take L's unless he acknowledges the L. It didn't fucking happen. He's like Donald Trump. He's like, you know what?

I saw Dana White tweeted that shit, laughed about it, talking about when Tiki sucker punched him, let's just say. And he's like, you know what, Dana? How about you find one of your, send me one of your lightweights and let me box them? And it's like, what are you even talking about right now? Nobody's going to engage with you. He's going to send, He's going to send Shibashon to go box you somewhere on YouTube?

No, you're an aunt. I don't understand his mindset, and I, surely he didn't want to get punked that badly twice on stream. It seems antithical to what he's trying to, the show he's wanting to put on, right? Yeah, that's, he's like a little dog that yaps too much. A lot of times he's usually this like crazy.

I'm like, okay, that's a little dog. joke. I saw the other day. Tom Brady and Logan Paul are shooting the shit on some podcast thing or whatever. And I think they're going to do like a... You're right, Logan Paul. And Tom Brady... You said it right. I was singing

in my head because I processed it weird. Yeah, the curly blonde hair one. And Tom Brady was, it may have already happened. I think he's putting on like a flag football game in Saudi Arabia and he's like, it's going to be better than the pro ball. He's like a lot of people that are coming. A lot of top athletes are coming.

It's going to be a big deal. And Logan is like, I could play in that or something. Like, I think he is playing in it. I think Logan is competing in it somehow. And Brady's like, I'm worried about you. He's like, no, I'm an athlete. He's like, yeah, but then they're athletes and they're athletes. And they sort of, Logan Paul is like, I'm just as much of an athlete as you are.

And I'm like, oh, this is agreed upon. Everything I watched going forward is a play performance. They're both putting on a show right now and pretending like there's friction between Logan Paul and Tom Brady and Logan Paul is unaware of the fact that he is not on the same level as Tom Brady. He's like, I don't know. I got like seven fucking championships. You know, there's that.

And he's like, I don't care, man. Fucking all state right here. All state. I'm like, it's a fucking performance. It's a performance to make me tune into a flag football game. I get it. Logan Paul is playing the douchebag to get you to watch because that's how he earns his money. And anyone who actually dislikes him in this moment just can't appreciate that he's playing a

villain right now. It's like hating Joffrey, the actor, because he put on such a good performance. Only fools. Meanwhile, meanwhile, you got fucking Dean the Great over there. I don't think he's putting on a performance. I think he's getting, because you would never play the character who gets slapped around and knocked out by retired, not even fighters.

I think you're on the money. Yeah, he's clearly not playing it up. He really does want to be seen as on the same level as these, you know, three foot wide monsters. And it's like, I want more freak fights. I, because we have questions, right? Joe Lozahn could easily beat up Tom Brady, who's much bigger. But Joe Luzon will tell you.

I don't know where that's coming from. I think he's 50, right? He's a 50-year-old. I don't want to call him out of shape. Where's my advantage? What are you talking about? Actually, see, yeah, Wuddy's advantage is gone because he's a couple years old. All the advantages.

What he took years of boxing and years of jujitzy. He's got seven years. championships. He's never thrown a punch. He throws balls. I mean, I hope he doesn't do that to me. I don't know. How about this, Kyle? Just look, pretend the fact that he threw the ball. 40 yards apart and he has five footballs. He's going to run out of his fucking codging those football. Oh, fuck, this guy's really good. God damn, he throws it hard. Oh, sting. Are these inflated? God, they hurt so hard. two on my forehead.

We all. Drill in me with balls, like a red mark. I would not meet up Tom Brady. He's an American hero. I don't know. Tom, you and I, I want beef over the internet.

That's how I'd do it. I have to take you in an internet fight. I would, how much money you'd make. I'd like to tweet against you. No, fuck him. We want it, Tom.

Let's go podcast and podcast, Tom Brady. I'll fuck you. I'll fight Tom Brady. You have to fight Logan Paul. I'm not touching that. Now there's one where I can admit to beat. That man is a giant.

He's a boxer. Logan, or as I like to call you, sir. I don't want to smoke. Mr. Paul, I just want to reiterate that none of this was my idea. I don't know about that Pokemon card shit you did that people seem to be mad about. It seems pretty cool to me. It seems pretty cool. You know, ripping people up.

Logan is so big. Logan is a large person. He's at least an inch or two taller than me, and he's way thicker everywhere. You were in that movie, right? He have his hand around your throat or something in a scene? I had my hand around his throat, and my hand doesn't go around his throat. That was the problem. I wear extra large gloves.

I have big hands. I can, you know, I pommel basketball, no problem. My hand did not go halfway around his neck. No one's hands can go around an adult man's throat all the way. I think he was saying it was exceptional, though. Like, not all the way. Like, I was taking up just a little portion of it. I'd need three hands to make a circle on this guy.

Like, he had a big old beefy neck. He was enormous. And he's an okay actor. So, like, the scene is me threatening him. Like, I'm going to do this to you and that to you, like, one hand on his throat and a knife in his face. And he's acting all scared. And I'm like, I don't buy it. one giving you a knife very off brand should have been a gun then he could have been scared

yeah yeah i fuck you i like to imagine that you went like daniel day lewis with that where they're like kyle i'm a huge fan of the show and you're like what are you talking about yeah just be an annoying retard at the the the craft services table i was trying to get beat up in private do you know what i'm talking about Was it Bradley? The Bradley Martin maybe? I forget. In private.

Wow. This is a cool story. I don't want to ruin the flow by Googling it. But like some guy was talking shit, I think, about Jake Paul. And Logan's like, enough of that. Like, fuck you. And he went. And the guy's like, I'll fight you, Logan.

And he's like, cameras off. Let's go. And Logan said, yes. And then he showed up. And he filmed him. like in the parking lot but he didn't film him like in private and it's pretty well known Logan lumped him the fuck up that it was just a one-sided beat down it might have been that bradley martin guy and uh that guy's huge too yeah but logan paul's a fighter yeah Bradley martins

he's a big lifter guy Bradley martin's built for show it's just that I can't even when people act like bodybuilders aren't strong they're really strong oh yeah But those are just show muscles. Right, right. Yeah, they don't lip shit at all to get there really silly head. Did you guys see it? Are you looking at it? I'm trying to find.

I don't know what I'm looking at. What? I'm going to see if I can find it. Watch my link for like five seconds. I don't even know what I'm watching right now. Okay, check your link out. Yeah, looking so jacked. I'm just seeing that photo you've got pulled up.

So that was a fake punch. Yeah, that was a fake punch. But I think it might be Bradley Martin that he lumped up. It was a serious sparring session. It was Bradley Martin following all this banter that he could beat a train fighter. Despite initial claims of no footage, some video emerged showing the two together afterwards. Bradley Martin acknowledged the difficulty of the fight, noting that he became extremely exhausted, but denied being seriously injured.

The fight resolved their dispute privately. Yeah. So I think Logan Paul And they're there Tie subtitles to this Yeah, Logan Paul I think he beat up Bradley Martin for real

And I think the genesis of it Was that he talked shit about his brother Okay Like genuinely upset That or Bradley Martin seems cool What is it called? I was a mark

There's a wrestling term for when you like You know like The fight wasn't fair The ref was looking the other way And then another guy came in with a steel chair Yeah, you're the mark, dude. I think Mark is the term, yeah. And everyone in the audience is like, what the hell?

What I don't think. Why did the ref look at that lady pull her tits out right when the dangerous part happened? I might be the mark, but I think Logan went in there and lumped him up. That's what I think happened for real. I would imagine, yeah, anyone who's an actual fighter is going to fuck up a guy whose thing is like, I can get 900 pounds. Zach says that it was revealed to be a marketing stunt. Maybe on the mark. I don't know.

I don't know. Not sure. The leaked footage shows mostly, or at least this like little Twitter thing, is Logan Paul or Jake Paul, whichever one at what, Logan Paul, grabbing Bradley Martin from the back and trying to control him, which is probably an easy way to fake a fight, just show a lot of strain, but not a lot of. punishment?

I don't know. I have no idea. These guys are both good. Did you, was it Bradley Martin who like some dickhead at the gym was being rude to him and like stole his hat and he like open hand slapped the guy and like knocked him down? He also beat that man a while back. He's, he's got charges pending because of that. Bradley Martin does?

We saw that beating. Bradley Martin does. Well, this is an unrelated event. Like he did slap him. who took his, a young man who took his hat off of him and sort of made fun of the fact that he's very bald. It was a streamer though. It was like he slapped a streamer and so you could also see like this was sure. This could have been a little bit of a setup as well. Oh no, he really slapped that guy. That didn't seem set up to me at all. But then he assaulted that guy a while

back. Remember we watched the video. It was like extreme like like he's got charges pending for that. Let me find the video. I don't like that. It's only okay to do extreme assault if you're jail sun in who has a different set of rules for me and he's funny that allows it oh he wasn't bradley more my bad my bad it was the other guy the other wait is bradley martin the prison guy no i'm thinking the prison guy whose name's escaping me he's like an ex-con it was west welker who like assault the guy like beating him with the weight belt and stuff oh yeah that that's a different one the one i just linked is just um uh yeah a heavy but nothing crazy slap to a guy who stole his LA hat and showed that he was bald.

Which is like just be bald and jacked, bro. Like that's the best possible archetype for baldness. He's lost enough to give up on it yet. He's got a, he's got some, he's got some good seedlings up there. He does. He has some good seedlings. He's way in.

This guy is like a good. I want to call him a teenager. If he's not a teenager, he's like 21 at tops. And after he gets slapped, he's like, damn, actually, actually. And I'm like, I'm always the one that thinks violence is okay on the show. Like, this is it. You can't just do that.

And then he's all right. It reminds me of the 30s before the movies. They made sure to keep zoo culture, very, very framed. That's probably one of their companies, right? I like the slap. You know? I love to slap, too. I'm with it.

Brutal. I'm with you most of the time. on the violence. There is a such thing, there's such a thing as fighting words, but there's like very specific things that you need to say to instigate the fight. I think that what Dean was doing to that

Tiki guy when he was like, I don't remember what he said. He says, I'll sleep you or I'll slap. Yeah, he said, I'll slap you. I'll slap you. He's like, oh, that's fighting words. He just threatened to assault me. Like, now whatever happens is on you.

Strickland called it a sucker punch, but I was like, I'm not going to square up with the boxer. isn't he like a 145 pound fucking fast, quick, greasy boxer?

Like, I don't think it's going to go to farewell. I'm going to hit this guy in the back of the head with something. Yeah. I mean, me?

I'm going to get third place amongst the three of us. That little boxer and that big UFC guy both kicked my ass, I think. So, I don't want to find either of those people,

no. Yeah. I'd be like, punch you right in the mouth. I have AIDS, actually. Do it. Cut your hand on my mouth.

Fight-clothes-mouth? I would say I had AIDS mouth. Would that keep me safe? From some people, it would keep you safe from me. I would immediately, okay, shit, I didn't know. I didn't know that. I don't want AIDS mouth. If you're starting to get assaulted,

yelling you have AIDS could help. Depends if you're already lost the assault, you mean? Like you're down on the ground curled up? No, the absolute beginning. You're yelling that out your car window at the beginning of the road range. I have AIDS, asshole. Bring it. You end up winning the fight and then you're telling all the girls.

That was a joke. I don't have to. You know what? Boys, we're going to have to go to a different bar. I don't have AIDS. I don't have eight. Look at how overweight I am.

I clearly have a big appetite. They waste away. They can't really eat. I think they're good now. I think that's like 80s. Look at magic. He's a heavy set fellow. Yeah, but AIDS is still.

scary. I don't think so. That's crazy. Depends on your financial situation. Yeah, of course. Everything does. But, but I mean, I bet AIDS drugs aren't that expensive. I got to know. I got to know. Because I'm thinking it's like handling. Brother, I would bet AIDS

drugs are expensive as fuck. I was watching a prostitute on YouTube who said her HIV advanced to age and I'm like, in 2026, that sucks. Yeah. Oh, we have this licked. Just for getting a pill. She said that she didn't tell men about it. All right.

Generic versions of effective HIV drugs are significantly less expensive. A month's supply of generic Truvada, for example, might cost as little as $30 to $60 out of pocket with coupons compared to nearly $2,000 a month for brand name without insurance. So what I'm seeing here is you give up your Chipotle and you got your age drugs covered. $30 to $60 does seem reasonable. like stay alive. That seems incredibly reasonable to not die. Yeah.

Yeah. For sure. Yeah, I got that. What else could you get for 40 bucks, 45 bucks a month? Fucking HBO, you get the package with HBO, Disney, and Hulu.

No ads. That's 40. That is pretty good. I don't know about that. That's a lot of entertainment. All right? Yeah. It's like,

I could treat this H-NP. I don't want to give a Hulu. I'm going to roll all the dice. I can't do the ads. The moment an ad tries to play, I'm like, oh. Amazon is throwing ads around now. That happened in the last couple months, where I just have to click the no ad version.

It's $3 a month. I haven't updated it since, and I used to have no ads, and now I'm suddenly getting ads on Amazon, so I guess I need to re-up. That kicked in like a year ago, but there is, like, I guess I haven't been using that much.

Like while you're watching, next time it happens, there'll be a thing. You can go to a little menu and it's like, you want to go add three, ad free for $2.99 a month? I was like, yeah, yes, I do. Yeah, it doesn't seem that bad. Because they don't watch on Amazon stuff. But they do do the boys, right? They do the boys. They do Invincible.

They do. They do some farm. The best show on Amazon. Love Clarkson's Farm. It's a good-ass show. No, no. It's invincible will come out. It's Jeremy Clarkson.

farm and he runs a farm now. It's a really good show. You guys should watch me. I want to say March 20 something. Yeah. Yeah. It says March or April here early. Yeah. Well, good. I'm psyched for that. I love Invincible. I hope they drop the whole season and don't nickel and dime me for two months.

I think they do it week by week. I think it's good for you guys specifically because you go through so many TV shows. It's probably almost a little bit nice that you're forced to take a break and then you get to invest in the show more. As if I'm like enriching myself. You know what I think

I think you should eat cheese it's one at a time. Huh? Fuck you. How you like that? I didn't like it. With chopsticks. You eat cheese sticks with chopsticks. I didn't like Woody because it was salient and it was

I can't imagine having one extra toasty. I need hundreds, hundreds of extra toastys, which is the best flavor cheese it by the way. I hope they keep those around. Extra toasty is. Extra toasty.

Every once in a while, you get one that's a little extra toasty and you're like, that's kind of nice. They made a whole type of extra toasty. How often do you guys eat hamburgers? Maybe two or three times a month, maybe. Okay. Yeah, like I haven't cooked a hamburger in a long time,

which is what I usually do. If I'm going to do a hamburger, I'm like, going to get a good one. Like, I want to do like a smash burger with my whole griddle and everything and, like, pick good beef and get good tomatoes and stuff. Taylor, how often do you have a hamburger? I made myself hamburgers less than a week ago, like smash burgers, my thing. Because I love cheeseburgers. They're great. So I'm doing a cut right now.

So I'm eating, like, really, I mean, pretty healthy. but I watch Bert Peanut and his diet is unrestrained he'll wrap up his stream at 2 a.m. and have three burgers

after the stream he'll have burgers on stream I watch this man choke on stream twice now I need to know the type of burger

is he is he saying the type of burger he's having oh my gosh dude he never comes off like more of a subject matter expert than when he explains burgers. He has burgers that he'll get in person. He has

burgers that he simplifies for Uber deliveries because there's a lot of hands in there that can mess it up. He has like a five guys order. He has a McDonald's order. He has a cookout order. He's got, he'll tell you, and he just starts rattling off menu items. I was unaware of. This guy is a subject matter expert on burgers. And here I am hungry because I'm always hungry now. And I'm like, he's going to have three burgers after the stream. I've never had three burgers in my life. In my whole life. I've never had three hamburgers.

Can you call it alive? I couldn't count on both hands that number of times I've had more than like three or more burgers. That's not that much. I'm not sure I've had three hot dogs in my life in one city. What? All right. Well, that's crazy.

I had five at a hockey game this year. I've had two. I've definitely had two. but I've done that more than once. And I've had two brots, maybe. And I had a pretzel, and I had a whole thing of popcorn. Three things. Yeah.

How many years of it? It was in the club. And so they also carved up some roast beef that you could go up to. And so I just had a fucking hockey feast. Dude, did you even watch the game or just stay? I watched it. Dude,

there's 20 minutes between. I had a monitor down there by the table. You know, not too shh. Yeah, there's 40 minutes of waiting for the game to come back. Yeah. In this experience.

That's when you munch, bro. yeah but dude his I just sit there yes I crave everything he has the man eats some granola bars all the time and I'm like oh maybe there's room for granola bars they're not candy right

they're concentrated calorie bars they might as well be MRI bars or something you're so right he's they take this nutrient dense nuts and glue them together with sugar he's the opposite of a fitness influencer he's a he's a fatness influencer.

You could do healthy it looks good. You could do healthy burgers. You know, you could do, if you didn't, the lettuce wrap is the, is the,

like, ultimate, like, way to make it healthy. And if you get the extra lean, all right, you know, let's, lettuce wrap is not

scritch in this it's at all. Well, you lose some of your condiments if we don't go with a lettuce wrap. But if we throw the bun on there and we get that extra,

like, hundred calories involved, now we're talking, no mayo, we're probably low fat ketchup or, mustard, some pickles, lettuce. But then you can do like a lean beef patty. Um, and it's, it's, it's not as good though, because when I make burgers at home, I also, I also, for a real burger for sure. But I get,

like I try to make my burgers at home from like the 9010 at least, like even a little more lean. That's too late. But I, it is very lean for it. But the cheese fat helps melting the cheese in there. If I'm making a double smash burger, two slices of cheese, that's enough fat addition to, like, help it out. And then you throw the lettuce, then you throw the tomato, a good tomato, not one of those horseshit tomatoes. You get it fast food. I won't touch those things. A good, big, crisp, flavorful tomato. Then you throw the onions.

You get the pickles. And I don't do mayo. And so I'm actually saving calories. Think about that. I'm actually like regaining control of my emotions because the lettuce wrap suggestion was infuriating okay

okay well maybe you can make a burger pizza that was actually pretty fucked up of you you can do like a Greek burger you can take a pita and split it make a little pita pocket get some siziki some lettuce some onions some red onion what are we doing there's a burger patty going in I want to eat like a virtual peanut

right I don't want lettuce wraps I don't want burgers for dinner. I want burgers for three. What you're missing out of. See, you're forgetting. These are celebratory burger meals he's having. This is the of smoking a fat cigar when your son is born or whatever. This is, every night for him is my son was just born

kind of celebration. His post-streamed three burgers. It's like, oh, at least I'd be doing hookers and blow. Like three burgers, that's juvenile stuff. I had a Culver's burger four hours. Probably makes six figures of stream or something, doesn't he? Like something crazy. I really don't know how to estimate wildly successful streamers. I know you lose some money on the table in an effort to be better at his job. He uses a lot of copyright music.

So all of his vods are just copyright claim. Someone else makes that money. Yeah, that's not the main source of income anyway. It says don't knows and those subscribes. How many subs does he have? That's the question. Subs on YouTube? Twitch.

Is that the quick? Oh, he streams on YouTube? He streams on four platforms. and a YouTube Twitch Kick and another I think he's doing right Woody I think these are celebratory cheeseburgers he's having

and we should leave leave him alone let him have his bergs okay I've been falsely accused of not supporting peanut I don't know why you're hating on the peanut guy I don't even know what I do okay

let's reestablish the pecking order when it comes to the top peanut fan that's me okay okay sounds like peanut hater I'm not like you don't even know burgers

I'm modeling my whole fitness plan after this man. That man's calories instead of, you know, bringing home six figures a day. Actually, I have to confront you about a burger thing because I, just the other day, you said you never get tomatoes on burgers. Okay. I don't.

What the fuck? Yeah. I'm on TV. No one sells good tomatoes. Like you can't. There are so many containers out there. You're getting fast food burgers. You can't get fast food.

fast food tomatoes. That's what I'm referring to. When I make them at home, or I make a burger or I'm going to make a burger or a sandwich. I'm going to get a really nice, like, what do you call those artisanal tomatoes? Roma?

Huh? Roma, the smaller ones that you, they're more flavorfully? I don't know. There's probably more than one kind, though. I get like a big beef steak tomato that's like different fucking colors and I slice that thing super thin

with my Japanese knife and I put a bunch of them on there. I like tomatoes. I just like good tomatoes. Oh, okay. I don't even have more cam tomatoes. You're correct. I didn't realize you sliced them super thin.

You lost me. Look, I was kind of coming back to team Kyle when he said that like Wendy's will serve tasteless tomatoes because that's just true. You know, like it. They're terrible.

I like them, but you don't get the tomato taste. It's kind of just a little juicy bonus for your burger. But the super thin. Let me tell you what I do. Because it's a process. We're going to get into it. You need to fix it.

Here's what I do. Here's the tomato process. So I take some paper towels and I lay out like a strip of paper towels and I slice, I make my tomato slices and I salt and pepper one side and put that side down on the paper towels. Then re-salt and pepper the other side, put another layer of paper towels on. It draws all of that moisture out. I don't want a watery tomato. I want to taste the tomato. So this way it doesn't like make the burger all soggy on the bottom.

And I do lots of small slices overlay, like maybe four slices of tomato, like overslade. like overslaid overlaid on top of each other. You do fourth thing. Widely known, but there's a way to solve the soggy tomato. As much as I want,

Taylor, Jesus. All the tomato. Imagine five sizes. Eat the burger upside down. Eat the burger upside down. You get the thicker burger soaking up the juices

and it's better. The thicker bun I meant to say. I haven't done that. You know, I eat burgers fast enough that soginess has never been a concern. Yeah. I definitely.

For hamburgers. I've never even. I've never even done that being a thing. I'm like, no, it's already gone, brother. And also like a,

you ever do a chop cheese? Thick tomato that's like raising the height of the burger. Yes. It's going to be a good tomato. And then you get a full, crisp, delicious tomato. The lettuce is doing all that lifting.

I, I don't want to chew on this thing for too long. The lettuce is more an extra thing than a flavor thing. I put a lot of lettuce on there. I like a crunch and like a tear with that, with that lettuce. I want to see that layer of lettuce. Are you doing?

You're not doing shredded lettuce. You're doing real lettuce, right? No, I get one of, I get a really expensive, like, head of lettuce that comes in its own little package, and then I tear the little, like, I pan to pick each leaf that's going on the sandwich. That's how I do it, too. Like, if I'm making them, like, I do not like the shredded lettuce. It makes them out.

Feels cheap, ridiculous, and that's all iceberg. It feels cheap, yeah. Throw a big. You ever do a chop cheese? Those are fine. Like, I'm not addicted. I think it's superior to the cheeseburger. So, for Woody's help, maybe, chopped cheese, you take your hamburger.

Do your smash burger. Then you throw your cheese and onions down there too. And then toward sort of the end, you take two metal spatches and you sort of like chop it all up and mix it all together. So you've got a beefy, cheesy, onion-y, like melt. Oh, that's pepper and peppers in there too. The cheese gets mixed in with the ground beef. Everything's like chopped up.

And there's not a solid patty because you've sort of like diced and chopped a what was already a smash burger. So it's got this feathery, crispy ends. And it's all like incorporated in now. Usually it's on a long bun. Yeah, I've seen it on long buns mostly. Yeah. I think it's maybe like a might see it in an Italian sandwich shop.

Maybe sometimes. I've gotten them from Waffle House of all places and they're really fucking good. That's like Philly cheese. Like the Philly cheese steaks I've had, I enjoy the ones that also have onions and peppers in it. I don't like the ones that are just the meat and cheese. It's a little too plain. You're going more Italian style. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You get the Italian beef with the Jardinera. The spicy peps. Ooh. I love the sweet. I like the sweet peppers and the spicy peppers. I buy the canned jarred. How do you say that word?

Jardero, right? Jardero. And then I make my own sweet peppers. And I, you know, trust the fucking beef and I cook it. I love making Italian beef sandwiches. They are delicious. The trick is to... You see pictures.

You're fucking good at it. Yeah, but I don't have a slicer, so I can't get them, like, those nice, thin slices to then reincorporate into the juices. I kind of just do, like, a pot, roast where I just, or like a roast beef where I just shred all the beef in the juices. That's a distinction without a difference. It's a texture thing.

Yeah, it's a different texture. But yeah, I love Italian beef. I watched that, that cooking show, the, what's it called? The beef or whatever it is. About that guy who goes back to his family's beef sandwich shop in Chicago and he brings finer dining to them, whatever, whatever that show is called. And that, I was like, I got to have Italian beef. And I made Italian beef for like six weeks in a row or something like that.

You never had it before that? Like you'd never been to an Italian beef place? I had, but when I was in Chicago, I usually do do that, but there's no places around here where you can get a good Italian beef without making it yourself. Oh, that makes sense. Same with Chinese food. There's no good Chinese food in Atlanta.

It's always gross. You guys don't have a lot of Chinese and you don't have a lot of whops. Great Mexican. Our Mexican and our soul food are tremendous. They're the best because a lot of blacks and Mexicans here, but no. The Asian food, like, seen here is terrible. terrible. It's Greek stuff too. There's lots of good Greek stuff. But every time I order Chinese, the chicken is like chewy and stringy, those nasty pieces of chicken where you're like, what quality

is this? Like, I can't even buy chicken this. You're eating retired circus animals. Yeah. That's what Campbell's used to do for the chicken noodle soup. Those were the old dead roosters, like the oldest, toughest birds. Oh, no. Yeah. I guess that is the meat to use for soup. We have a Vietnamese place here, a restaurant, and the owner is like 75 years old, I don't know, something like that. And he wears

this Vietnam veteran hat. God damn it! And it's like, which side did you fight for? No, that's the cool guy the week. That's hilarious. That is so, to be Vietnamese and wear a Vietnam veteran hat

is so funny. How are you not? Amazamese. I don't You gotta ask Nick's though You know I'd be like

Sir excuse me First of all The Fuzz is amazing But I saw you Yeah Your hat Did you serve And then just kind of

Serve Like gonna leave that one out there Oh yes Honourn't First American Killer Squad Like you're gonna get that Or you're gonna be like Yeah

Some gave all And I'll give some But Well I mostly cooked food I was the guy That was They didn't They were afraid they get confused.

They saw me out on the line. So I stayed behind and I got hooked. Like, I need that guy's story. I want it to actually go back. He would be a problem in the jungle. I see him running back toward our lines. He's getting it. Yes.

Yeah. He must have been fighting for the Kong. Well, he'd be wearing the right uniform, well, the American uniform. I would be all muddy and dirty and we're in a jungle and I'm all, they just got Bubba, you know, or whatever. You know, I'm high strong. Regardless. Bygones.

bygones. No, never forget. Is the fa good? It's a good place. That's the place that has me crying and like asking for more napkins and embarrassing myself in public. Yeah, it's spicy. It's hot.

That's the only food I even know from, every time I go to a Vietnamese place, I just get like a giant bowl of fa. I don't even know what else they do. I splurge and get the, oh, it's not, is it bubble tea? It's pretty much a milkshake with giant tapy. yoke balls in it or something. Oh, yeah. I don't like that stuff. What?

It's candy. I don't like tapioca very much. Well, you're in correct. I don't like those balls floating around in there either. You don't like it? The balls are my favorite part. For me,

it's a little plastic thing on that little plastic lid, you know, on top. Are we talking about that? The strong. They have that in the mall. It's phallic. Don't like that part either.

It's so you get those balls of jizz to, like come up, those clotted giz balls. Yeah, yeah. That's a girl dream. I like Thai tea. Tie tea is like the adult version of bubble tea. It's like tea would mix with cream and sugar and it doesn't quite get homogenous.

I think I've had it too, yeah. But it's- It sounds like normal tea. Well, they take it, no, they like dump some sweet cream on there and it becomes, it's less like a cup of coffee, the way you put a little cream in there just to change the color. And more like a, this is a cream. Like a dessert almost. Okay, I haven't.

It's really good for the hot, if you're eating hot curry, like having that creamy, like, dairy thing to take the heat off is tremendous. Do you guys drink tea ever? No. When I'm sick. When you're sick?

Yeah, when I'm sick, I get like, like, some orange rhubarb tea or so I got a bunch of shit like that I drink with honey and put a little crown royal in there. I enjoy my coffee with Steve. But with tea. It's awful. It's delicious. I only like tea with real sugar, so I avoid it.

honey. The honey's supposed to be soothing. And then, you know, the liquor also very soon. That's like a southern thing. So like... That sounds like it would make a taste.

Yes. Like Google homemade cough cough medicine right now. And I promise you, you're going to find a mixture of honey, tea, and liquor. And maybe lemon.

Every one of those recipes is that. And that's what I drink. I'll make my like, liquor tea and get a little fucked up. Don't even bronchitis? What? Who cares? I'm glad I got it now. No, I'm just chilling. It's a Tuesday afternoon.

Just three cups deep into this drunk tea. There's not a lot of tea in here anymore, Kyle. Fuck that recital. She didn't even practice that hard. Who even cares? Can't even carry a note. Can't even carry a note.

I'm going. Chet. APT gave me four different recipes for homemade cough medicine and none of them had alcohol in them. I wouldn't think so. You know it's a good tea? I drink it almost every night. Extra sleepy time tea. Oh, yeah.

I have an electric kettle in my kitchen. So I just fill it up with my fridge water and then hit the button. Then it boils easy, peasy with an electric like ring of heat. Then you just, I double bag. my sleepy time tea, pour that in there. Now I have a delicious cup of sleepy time tea that I'll probably have. What kind of tea is like chamomile tea? It's like melatonin or something.

Camamil. It's got, uh, rose in like regular sleepy time tea. Extra sleepy time also has a valerian root. Oh, which is meant to make you, you know, relax and be sleepy.

And so I'll have at least one glass of that or a cup of that, mug of that every night. It's very nice. I call my, I take a little gummy, you know, Gupta needs gummy, and then sit there with an appetite antagonist listening to a virtual peanut talk about hamburgers. This is some torture shit. Oh, man, your cortisol is rising.

When he's talking about burgers and you're like, fuck, I wish I had a burger. I got to say, these nicotine vapes are so good as an appetite suppressor. You know, like, like, like, actually that's really. their best after a bit. No, the nicotine's in appetite suppress and it helps,

you know, puffing on it deals with that, that, what do you call the, the eating, like the impulse to eat to keep the mouth and eating and munching.

Yeah. I don't know the word for that, Kyle. There's a particular word. Oh, I've heard that. Yeah, it takes care of that part.

Because like, smoking cigarettes, half of the fun is sort of just handling this little cigarette and doing stuff with it and lighting it and the lighter and the sound it makes and the little sparks that fly out of a zippo and the the crispy crunchy noise it makes when you hit that first hit as the as the as the tobacco like like slowly fires up at oh god i want a cigarette so bad yeah you never get over that one i struggle with i do struggle with oil fixation but i prefer to give than receive yeah sick Well, you could 69 the vape. You know, that's when you...

How is that done? You got to get... You need two of them, and you're able to... No. I really do, like, I tell all the kids that I know that are trying to cut away, those little fat Johnnies and gyms, you know... All the neighborhood kids. Start smoking, kids.

You know, get yourself a bait. High of your parents. The house is the most popular at Halloween. Oh, yeah. I give out those little Nick Vapes. I thought you just have a bowl of Marlboro Reds. Nicorette gum. That's for the kids over eight.

You got to get them hooked with the gum. It definitely helps with the appetite, though, nicotine does. It does. As I think about most of the thin adults that I know, a lot of them are smokers. There's lots of thin kids. That's not impressive at all. But a thin adult.

I'm sure if you've stress eat, like a part of that is just like, I need to do something where I win. You know, I need a moment here where it's all wins and checks. My hands have to be doing something right now. Yeah, it's hard to lose at checks mix. You know, get yourself pumped up. I have a problem where I would wake up.

I still do, I guess, a little bit, but there's just nothing bad in my house to eat. If I wake up at three in the morning and I'm a little hungry, I really want to go to the fridge and like just grab something and just almost half asleep eating. Like, I'm definitely awake. Because I picked that block of cheese, but I have grabbed a mini roll of Ritz crackers and a whole block of medium cheddar and put the cracker in my mouth and then take a bite out of the cube of cheese and like go back and forth until the roll of Ritz is gone. And then and then so nobody sees. So like cut the end off that chewed up block of cheddar and like give that to the dog.

So nobody sees my shame. Not a lot of good food decisions happening after 2 a.m. I've never identified more with something that I have been that same. Last night at like 2.30 in the morning, I woke up and I was peckish. And I went and opened my fridge. And my fridge has an alarm that if it's open for more than 30s to start beeping. And so I actively turned that off. And then I ate five string cheese in front of my fridge.

And then drank a whole Sprite zero. I was like, bruh, back to bed. I'm sorry, I was imagining a car alarm situation for your fridge for a minute, but you could chirp off, but what did you eat? I had five string cheeses and then drank a whole Sprite zero and then went back to bed. That's not that bad. It's really not, because each one's only 70 calories. Yeah, I've done that before, too, but there were, I remember specifically last week I did

this exact same thing, but it was one of my, there were only three string cheeses left, and I knew she wanted to take one, she takes one with her lunch every day. And I was like, too bad. Not tomorrow she doesn't. Not tomorrow she doesn't. No, these were bad last night. You know what I? I'm a barbarian with them.

Do you peel them? Do you peel them and savour it? It makes, uh-uh. I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking barbarian. I'm just chomping the ends of them off and chewing them up. Oh, no, you're depriving yourself of bites. Like, I want it to last.

And texture. I don't care. I'm just, I'm here for the cheese. It's basically the cheapest mozzarella they can sell. You can buy cheese. Cheese curds in a bag now. I have a whole bag of cheese. I don't need that.

I don't need. I was going to do like a burger night and I was like, let's do like a decadent side instead of fries. Let's fry some cheese curds. Yeah. I think they're still good in my fridge. I haven't cooked with them yet, but that's the plan. Those Wisconsin nights. They're all about that.

Yeah, might do a whole Midwestern style burger too. Might do something like that. You should. Yeah. My girlfriend ordered this from this weird burger place the other day and they do a patty. of macaroni and cheese they make a square patty of mac and cheese and they bread it and they fry that and then they put it on the burger i don't i don't like that i that's that's too out of left field for a burger for me i all their burgers are like that i think it's called fat burger it's

something like like they'll do like mozzarella sticks on there too you can get like uh fried mozzarella sticks on your burger like three or four of those just just laid on top of the burger That's fucking tremendous, especially if you, like maybe with marineran instead of ketchup, too, do a whole like Italian like burger sandwich. I'm more of a burger traditionalist. I feel like we, we aced it for a while. All right. Well, let me tell you that creates me. Let me level you up a little bit with a burger suggestion. Or cheese over a perfectly delicious burger and turn it into a fork and knife food.

Have you seen this? Here's what you do. So you form your your pound of burger meat into a rectangle. you get a pan, you smush it all completely flat in the rectangle, and you put dots all over it, and you score it into tiny square patties. And then you freeze the, you put it in wax paper and you freeze it until it's rock solid. You take that and you put it, I think it goes, I think a layer of shredded onions goes on the griddle and then the square of like frozen burger meat. And then you take those Hawaiian rolls, cut them in half with a bread knife, the entire loaf of them. and you put that on top of all that.

So that onion is cooking up through the frozen burger meat and through the holes. And it's going into the breading. And I think you also pour some liquid, some beer on there too on the bottom and let that like steam up through. And it's like a copycat, who does a little burgers?

It's crystal here. White Castle. Yeah. Yeah. It's like copycat white cat. Okay. That actually sounds really good. It's super good because you have a whole tray of them now.

I'd want cheese in it too, not just the meat and the onions. I would need the cheese. But that's like the bare minimum of a burger. It's like meat, cheese, onions. I'd like there to be a little of something else. But if that's all they have, you can have a great burger that way too. I like mustard and mayo. I don't do ketchup.

No, ketchup on burgers, I'm very anti. You should be replacing the ketchup with a big delicious tomato. a slice, which is more flavorful, and it is doing the same thing. I can go without it. I like pickles, though. And I don't, I like pickles, too. Pickles are zero calories. And I don't like, uh, mayo.

Oh, yeah. They're a zero calorie because it's just a cucumber soaked in vinegar. It's cucumber and soaked in vinegar, yeah. With seasoning thrown in their peppercorns. Are pickles zero calories? They have a tremendous amount of sodium. Oh. And that's it, I think.

Okay. Okay. So it's not strictly true, but they're very low calorie more so than I expected. It's so little they write zero on most pickle jars because you need to eat so many pickles to get. I don't remember what there's a minimum. It's 10. They're about five calories a spear. And I think it might be 20, but I'm not sure about that.

But yeah, you're right. If the like tic tic tacks are non-cloric. They're not really. Tick-tacks have calories. But a Tic-Tic-Tac is so close enough, they call it zero. They round down to zero, which has got to be. American thing. I bet in Europe they're like, yeah, any European guys

like, equals have three calories. Everyone knows that. Americans round down from Loser, you don't need to have an army. Oh, do you think we're going to go to war with Iran? Oh my God, I hope not. Geez, Louise. Are you familiar with the like we're

building, not ground forces, but all sorts of like aerial strike forces, submarines, aircraft carriers. We're flying in more and more jets. I was watching a YouTube video about it and he's like, we can't even give you accurate numbers because they're just pouring in. Maybe you can't show

this without audio and you can kind of see that this is military planes being moved to the region. And you kind of get a sense for, and this is who would have to control our foreign policy to get us doing this in Iran? They're sending billions and billions of dollars

of assets and thousands of airmen and air support crews and at least two aircraft carrier fleets and strike groups or whatever you call them and you can wager for sure there's probably ballistic submarines and hunter killer submarines and fucking everything else on the way.

They're poising for a massive weeks long engagement, not like that thing they did before where they struck in the dead of the night and were gone. They're staging for a sustained military conflict. Fucking retarded, insane. No one wants this. Well, the donors want it and the people who control our politicians via blackmail want it.

I know some people who want it real bad. Yeah, a lot of people in the... Like Nick Fuentes or something? Israel. I think I have that backwards. Oh, no. Nick Fuentes would be very against it. Yeah.

Yes, you're right. I said it. He's on our side. People like on the left this whole time or was he centered. People like Mark Levine would be very in favor of it. People like Glenn Beck would be very in favor of this like establishment. like so pro-Israel, it's bananas. Ben Shapiro might be okay with it.

Oh, I guarantee he's... That's him flying a plane there. No, he wouldn't put himself in danger. That's for the American soldiers. I don't like it. It's really hard to be informed about what their motivations are. Like Taylor says, you could go down the Israel controls our foreign policy route, or is there some other reason I don't understand?

oftentimes when we do this shit we learn it's someone trying to sell oil with something other than US dollars you know like you'll get off our currency I don't know what's happening but we don't seem committed to peace I don't want to see us in conflict with Iran

that's such a fucking waste of money I don't give a shit about Iran Israel does so we're going to end up doing it probably but it's just it's so insulting Yeah. I don't even buy this idea that nuclear weapons make the world so much more dangerous. It feels like once a country get nukes, they stop participating in wars. I know what you should do it right now. But like...

They stop participating in wars with one another and use proxies. Sure. Which is what, you know, since the cold war never ended, it just took a little 20-minute break. No, we won't. They asked Sean. Strickland if he watched heated rivalry do you know what that is it's some one of people or something right yeah okay okay so I don't know exactly about though yeah I think it's about two rival hockey stars in the

NHL who are gay lovers in secret and it's apparently very good to it's fiction I yeah yeah it's a fictional TV show unless Ovi and Crosby are keeping it really under wraps. I was, for New Year's, my girlfriend had had a friend come over and they like, like every year they do this like where they have like a sleepover and watch movies and stuff and they watch heated rivalry. And I'm in the bedroom like watching YouTube or something. And I come out to get a drink.

And there's just two dudes banging on the TV. I was, what is this? It is like very gratuitous gay sex. So it's like barely about hockey? Oh, definitely barely about How that's gay Oh, it actually is, yeah This is, yes, it is.

Yeah, yes, it is the gayest thing I've ever heard of. Well, I don't like this. I want regular hockey content. They asked Sean Strickland, he's like, Ha, you better not come out as gay in the NHL that whoop your ass in the locker room, I guarantee it. Those are manly men, the last of the manly men, if you ask me. Are there any gay men?

No, I remember, like, at this point, geez, it's got to be like 10 years ago. The hockey media was like trying to make a big deal of this openly gay, quote-unquote, pro player. And as of their angle, they were talking about like, what teams are you going to play for, this and that? The dude never scratched a career in the AHL, much less the inning. And so it kind of died on the vine. But I don't think there's any open ones. And also, unlike the NBA and the NFL, there is a tremendous amount of like,

European, Central European, Eastern European, Russian players in the NHL that really don't care for that. Why is the base is, yeah, we need to change it back. Is it wrong? I thought it's wrong. I would like to be back to where I normally am, please. I would like Taylor there as well in his place. Don't. I couldn't have done the show like that legitimately.

We were all too close. But yeah, hockey is of the player base, clearly the most right-wing. of the sports. Okay. I've never heard any of them like hate on gays. I saw them trying. This was actually this past season.

Some like Russian Orthodox player or Latvian Orthodox, maybe George Costanza asked. But they were like, what do you think about the gay socks some teams are wearing? And he's like, I have said before, I'm not going to speak on that. I am Russian Orthodox.

And to me, that is not something I am willing to do. if he's against my religion. That is all I will say on this. And they like tried to push him and everything. And it was like, let the guy fucking beat. Like, stop it. He's trying to get ready for a professional sporting event right now.

He doesn't need you up his ass. Yeah, I like that one guy who's openly by. And he's like really easy to like. So I don't think he's gotten any hate over it. There are a few other guys who might be in the closet. And I think they get like poked at a little more than the guy who's like, yeah, listen to me sing on TikTok. He sings on TikTok?

He does. That's pretty funny. Yeah. I think I like him. That's pretty funny being like, I'm gay and sing on TikTok. He paints his fingernails. Like, he kind of owns it. Like, you're gay.

He's like, yeah, you're cute. Actually, are there any, uh, so there's one guy who's gay in the NBA that I know of. Yeah. And then there's others who were like. Like, Zach, what is his name? Cat something, the big man, who everyone says is gay. I don't know if he really is. Jason Collins?

Carl Anthony Towns, K-A-T. Thank you. That's exactly what I was thinking of. And the dude who's definitely biased Jared McCain. But I'm not like outing it. Like, he would tell you too. Sure. So NBA's got at least one NFL.

Do you remember Michael Sam from like 15 years ago? He was another guy. They were saying like he's going to be the first openly gay NFL player. But then I guess he couldn't cut the mustard. Like he wasn't good enough to be in the NFL. And so I don't know what their minor league is called. Maybe he went and played in Canada or something. I have no.

Right, the CFL. Whatever the HL or G league of that is is what he. It seems like if you don't make it to the NFL or one of the other pro leagues is European leagues and Canadian leagues, but you just stop playing. Sports like that are kind of hard. Basketball, I was never a real basketball player, but

it's always there. There are tons of like YMCA level leagues. Every town has a court that you can go play at. Basketball doesn't end after high school. But football, swimming is one that's close to me. Like once the sort of

once people swimming just goes cold turkey there's a master's league there's nobody in it there's no one in it after college you just feel like this is the last meat I will ever have start coping with it was that an emotional

moment for you like your last swim meet and like you probably knew in your head like this might be my last time yeah so but for me I had had a surgery on my arm that made me worse as a sophomore than I was as a freshman. And once my times got worse, it really impacted like my passion for swimming. Like I, I felt really good being really good. You know, in my freshman year, there was like, broke a school

record. And it was like sort of a big dog. And, and, uh, then my sophomore year, I was slower. And it's like, ah, well, that's enough of that. That would be tough. Yeah. I would hate that. Like, when you're young, you just sort of count on or expect to get better every single year. And that happens until you're like 29 or something, but not for me. That sucks. Taylor, I watched a movie that I think you recommended called Dragged Across Concrete. Oh, the movie where it's like Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn kind of badly acting as cops. that's one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time it really falls apart at the end doesn't it

the whole premise is absurd that every move they made everything that happened none of it made any goddamn sense it was there were so many ways to go about it better especially the end where it's like mel Gibson and vans von being like we can fight these drug dealers alone and it's like you guys have phones you have so many ways to to juice up your side here well no you know they're dirty cops so basically uh mel gibson and vans von are they're not dirty cops they're just uh there's a little bit of like counterculture underlying in this script it's like

he's a little bit racist a little bit problematic and when he uh he roughs up a mexican a little bit basically he's got the guy handcuffed on the ground and he steps on the guy's head and breaks his nose to get some information and it gets recorded by somebody with a cell phone and now Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn are suspended for two weeks or something like that. And then Mel's daughter is like the blacks in the neighborhood are throwing like drinks at his daughter. And he has his conversation with his wife. His wife is like, I consider myself a liberal person. I am not a racist.

But we just got to get out of this neighborhood. It's like very ham handed that the blacks are harassed and his family and he's stuck in this neighborhood because he's a good. cop who doesn't politic he just he just stops those he just arrests the crims so they they come up with this plot to take down um these criminals they're gonna rob some criminals they don't know what the criminals are up to they just know they're doing the dirty and they they end up stealing being that they're stealing gold bullion gold bars and the whole movie is just so bad and so poorly acted they do they're on a stake out for like the middle part of the movie viz von and mel gipson and you would think that would be just hilarious.

Like, they're both, like, two funny guys. Two really funny actors who are good at what they do in a car, like, like eating, like takeout food on a steak out, swapping, sleeping. It's terrible. It's barely watchable. They keep making bad breath jokes or

something like that. And it's not funny. It's not funny. I was, I felt assaulted by the quality of the movie. A big problem with that. You identified it well. As you're seeing two guys, eyes you know can be very funny sitting there and not

capitalizing whatsoever either through the script or through just themselves not really throwing their heart into it it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen and it was over two hours long it was like two hours and 20 minutes or something like that here's what I will say

for it it had Dexter's sister you remember Dexter's sister the skinny brunette chick from the show she's in it briefly and they introduce you to her very quickly and she doesn't want to go to work. She's taking all of her maternity leave, all of her sick days. She's wanting to stay with this baby.

She can't separate from it. She's got this like crazy separation anxiety. And her husband's like, you've got to go to work. You're the breadwinner around here. He's safe. He's fine. I got him. Go to work.

And she's like, okay. Okay. And immediately when she gets to work, it's bank robbery day. And the movie is brutal. Oh, fuck. They like machine gunned her fingers off. And then she holds up a baby like soft. or something that someone's knitted with her blown off fingers and she goes,

can you make sure my baby gets this? And they shoot her in the face and her whole head explodes. I was like, okay. All right. We might be on to something now. The stakes are high, right? Like they just blew away. They got brought up pretty quick in that scene.

And then they castrated the bank manager. And it was crazy. And then they made that poor hostage like piss into a rag or something. It was crazy. But it was just one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The ending made no sense. Like that black guy somehow turned gold bullion into like some European estate he now lives on. Like no questions asked.

This ex-con. You're right. It didn't make a lot of sense. And after the high-intensity bank scene, it did mellow for too long. They didn't capitalize on the intensity of that. It's one of the worst. I like Mel. I like Vince Mon.

I think they're both good. not one of their best. But before we move on to the next thing, folks, we're here from an incredible sponsor. Blue Chew folks. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Let's talk about sex. Guys, shouldn't you always be your best?

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And put them over the Joe Biden or Donald Trump did this stickers at the gas station. We're going to bring peace back to the country via that. We'll take the blame. PGA did this. They'll all wonder what the fuck we did.

Is that one of those terrorist groups? I am on a bunch of Reddit subredits having to do with tattoos. Bad tattoos, tattoo advice. What do you think? I don't know. I get a kick out of it.

And this one's a bad tattoo that's looking to be a minimalist puppy. Yeah, I saw this last week. Pretty phallic. Yeah. I see it now. It took a minute. Of course? Really?

Because I struggled to see the dog. We should do more of these if you struggle to see the dog. Really? I want to see a real. I need to give you. a Roershack exam. That is not what dogs, like, look at how long its neck is with the legs. It's the back.

It's the ridge of its, it's turning to look back at you. Yeah, the dog is. I understand that. I'll get me wrong. I see the penis. Look at where the legs are placed. What is happening? All I see is the head of the dog and dick for that matter.

And now I get that it's looking towards the center of her back. What is the rest of it? Is that a tail wagging? Why is it, why is the dog made of testicles? Oh, I thought that those were its legs. Yeah, it's, it's like back hips. It's turning back a, uh, there's no tail.

I know it's a minimalistic tattoo. Like, I'm not defending the tattoo. I see the cock. You're just saying it's also a dog. I, I only see a dog head. It's mostly a cock. I'm on board. It's more than penis.

Yeah. I, I needed to go through the comments to help me understand, where the dog was in this. I don't think I have the same knack for spotting canines that you do, but I'm good at dicks. Dogs don't have necks like that. Dogs have tails. This guy was having a laugh.

What? Like, he had to be. So is this? How many things does it have in this minimum? Do you see four legs or two? I assumed the front lump are supposed to be the first, the four legs,

and then the rear legs are supposed to be that larger hump. with like its butt there but there's also no a tail wouldn't reduce the minimalism like throw a throw a tail in the mix it would also show that it's clearly not phallic the tail couldn't be done in one line unless i thought that was a waggly tail the whole scrotum but i really don't understand what i'm looking at once it gets past the head actually if you think about the whole scrotum as a waggly tail this looks more like a dragonair or perhaps a dratini which is a Pokemon who looks similar to that. Ah, of course.

Yeah. You guys say, of course, or you say, of course, as though that's not something the whole audience also noticed. If more than 30% noticed that it looked like a dracini, was it? Dratini, or perhaps what Dratini evolves into, a dragonair. It certainly doesn't look like a dragonite. Zat says the left testicle, I'm saying, like, as I look at it, the left side of the picture, is the butt and the right side.

is the tail. The right testicles the tail. Oh, no, I didn't see that. I thought those were just denoting. But you see that now? Because I can see where you're coming from. I don't like this tattoo at all. This is terrible. Neither to shoot. Oh, she posted this saying it was bad. Well, she posted it, been like, hey, does this like a cock to you? Because I wanted an abstract dog and everybody's saying cock.

Yeah, it's a cop. Are they? I'm going to look. They put a urethon on it. It's very much like the head of a peck. penis. Like, like, you couldn't. All right. So what do you see here, Woody? Okay. This is a man holding up a ballerina.

Well, more like a... Taylor, what do you see? Wait, wait, wait, it's not a man. It's, um, a lobster from Futurama. Looking up at her. Okay, Zoiber. You see Zoiber holding up a... A ballerina who kind of has legs in the front and the back, right? Like, like, like, uh, dirty dancing at the end when he does the thing. That is not what I see.

No, what do you see? I see a guy like hanging from a branch like, really? Like he's hanging there and he's probably like having a good time. He's like, I'm going to fall from this branch and to the ground. Maybe he's neither one. It looks like there are branches below it. Oh, my God. Yeah, I see it now that you've said it.

It's an inverse, right? Now that you say that. Zach, can you show the lioness with the mouse in case does anyone as slow as me? like outline its head yeah it's in white no I still I still like it more as a guy kind of wearing a silly hat swinging from a branch as they do

sometimes I mean he's wearing a silly hat why wouldn't you do that so you see the negative space the lion right away you didn't see the guy swinging from the branch my vision is drawn to the lion's eye immediately when you said lion I had like a V8 moment I was like oh right

Yeah, I get it. That's so good. I hope people get that. No, but Kyle, can you see, I didn't, I honestly, I didn't see Woody's ballerina thing. But can you see what I'm saying with the guy swinging, kicking his legs, maybe preparing to jump down from a high branch? His head's kind of in the wrong place. And it's like an acorn. He's looking down and he has a silly hat on. An acorn-shaped hat, it would appear.

It looks like the top of an acorn, you know? Yeah. The stem comes out. Looks like one of the Shriners hats, except with a little bit of a tail. So sort of made up nonsense things, but I don't know. I saw the lion first. I think what you see first was kind of my question. I definitely see a silly man if I want to.

Like a bird or a four-legged ballerina, either one. We're holding onto a branch about to swing down. All right, Zach, what's your other one? I'm tired of this. Bring more of these. Oh, this one is, okay. Right, yeah. This is the one.

This one's so widely known. I can't look at it with fresh eyes anymore. There's a vase and two people. Find actual, find actual Rorschach blots and not optical illusions. This is an optical illusion. We need a Rorschach. Because this is two Mexicans and also two old people. Look how happy those Mexicans look.

Have you ever been that happy? Yeah. Yes, I have done mushrooms. Damn, I'm jelly. I'm jelly. First thing you see, don't try to make a thing. What's your first inclination here? I see a butterfly.

It's not funny. I wish I had a better thing, but you asked for truth. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. I see a bat. Yeah, I don't. Do bats have antennae? they have they have ears but but they do they do right right yeah

it would be big forward facing ears it's not going to be perfect for anything yeah I feel like I'd have to go bat butterfly something like that keep it coming yeah keep these come because do you have another is there anything you guys see other than that oh this is obvious it's a woman's reproductive system

ah yeah you got the ovaries up there you got the Slopean tubes. I see a little bit of a silly face in the center with the two eyes and then the weird little mouth. I mean, I didn't really have any, like no words really came to me, but I envisioned this as a giant standing with its arms raised to crush something. Was my first sort of visual, like, that's what I drew from this. Okay. his legs are those like not literal reproductive system belly tattoos on a flat belly but like the hinted ones the ones that are like vines or yeah yeah somehow that is smoking hot to my reptile brain like damn you actually do have that fucking girl parts in there like that's the jacky's like i'll get them if you get them now you've got to get your testicles fucking tattoos i was gonna make brock lesnar

look straight with a fucking giant penis. He just looking at himself in the mirror like, I should have never fucking done this. Nobody gets it, honey? Just laugh me out of the room. I might be sick. I don't know. We can't even do a proper exam. He's chuckling. The only thing I see other than what you guys said, I didn't see the giant thing.

I saw a top-down, it could be like a top-down weird impression of a lobster. But, um, sure. That was. Oh, okay. I kind of imagine that exosuit. Okay. Whoa. Oh, this is overwhelming.

Yeah, this is too much. Really? So, so I guess what I see here is, remember that movie district, was it district nine or district 11? Yeah, the Peter Jackson movie where it's in CFEFrica? Well, Peter Jackson was attached, but Blancamp ended up directing the movie because it was originally going to be a halo movie. That's why, that's why they've got all those fantastic props.

But anyway, Blancamp directed it, and this looks like one of those, like, shrimp people or whatever they were, but he's like about to take it doggy style. He's like that thing in the bottom center is his face. He's looking up at us with this blank, shameful stare. And then the two protrusions that are yellow-tipped with blue or his hands. And then he's like really popping that ass back there. And those were his red legs spread to either side because he's kind of, you know, he's oddly shaped. Yeah, that's what I see.

Even with you describing it, I can't see it the way you are. I saw it in a heartbeat. I saw three great visionaries. Usually you're... I said, crab with the lobster tail, right? It's crab shape with a lobster tail in the bottom center. And then I was like, also a little bit reproductive system for a girl again.

Dude, just keep saying that. That's so funny. No matter what the fucking... It looks like a pussy again. You see it, it's a little bit there. I can see the bottom face now with the two eyes as if it's some sort of behemoth crawling towards you or something. But nothing holistically came to me that seemed compelling from there. Here's an actual test, Zach.

Here's an online Roershack test, which I don't know, but I'm guessing maybe it's going to give us. I've taken those before. It's all guys having sex. Oh, actually, here's another link that might be more conducive to streaming or whatever. Yeah, show us. You can just kind of scroll through them with that one.

I wonder what professionals use with this information. Honestly, I think that if people are stupider, then they might reveal something about their psyche or their obsessions or they're fixations. Whereas like in the movie Watchmen, they make Roershack take a Roershack test. And what he's really seeing is like

a rotting dog face that just has eaten a pedophile victim. But he says, Butterfly. You know, he's just like, a bunch of pretty flowers. Each thing you sees is more horrible than the last. No, it's just.

It's my father. Judging me for my poor goalie skills. No, it's just Heath Ledger. Just Heath Ledger kissing himself again. Is that what you see? You see Heath Ledger kissing himself? No, I see. It's obviously two polar bears trying to get away from the high priestess in the center.

I don't know. It's not bad, Woody. I actually like that. Yeah, that's a good one. Polar bears. Interesting. Yeah, I don't like any of my answers. Nothing came to me.

distinctively. Nothing came to me, Frank. I would just be making something up if I said something. Like, I could see the top being... Bat, butterfly moth, or pop the responses. Okay. Yeah, but I think maybe I'm too literal. Oh.

Two grizzly bears. Do you want a high five? This looks like a mirrored version, kind of of Westeros. The first thing I thought of was a clown's face. I know it doesn't look like a clown's face, but that's what I took from it. popular response is two humans four-legged animals such as dog

elephant or bear yikes no clown oh i could see i could see the bears maybe they're both like nosing something up like they're in a russian fair or something okay all right some also see blood with power and have sexual responses to the cart well i think that's a red flag if i've ever seen one i think we all pass that time imagine fucking freaks

having sexual responses to two women facing each other with a butterfly in the middle I see two hoity-toity like French waiters in really Impressionist style each lifting up some sort of bag

or perhaps something that the customers need okay we're in the strip club right now and there are two big booty bitches that have come over on either side of my of my table and they're doing some sort of like like synchronized ass shaking dance right now

okay except they're obviously transsexual scroll back up They are, of course, transsexual, like I said. I could see it being like, if you almost ignore the red parts, I could almost see it being a front facing like pit viper face that like triangular. Okay, yeah, I see that totally. I see the eyes and the mouth and everything. The eyes.

Sure, sure. But I saw the big booty bitches. Okay. They had dicks. They didn't. Oh, this seems to me like some sort of scary horror movie demon. He's got like that plague face at the top and he's got a bunch of smoke about him and he's very spooky. I see a scary helmet.

Mm, mm-mm. Oh, that's good too. I didn't have a good one. I spotted like the left and right feet, you know, at the bottom halves. And I couldn't put it together like why there'd be feet on this picture. Ah, if you were like looking up at him perhaps, like you're on the ground. So the forced perspective. Animal hide, animal skin, and skin red.

It's called the father card. Interesting. Blot card five. Oh, we did this one. That's the one they say you should think it's a bat. Oh, yeah, a bad. Okay. How many of these are like clearly trying to make me see a pussy?

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. You know, that's what I saw. That's what I saw a pussy. I thought, I saw it as a top down of a bug that's one of those leaf bugs that has. I see that. I see that.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was like, she might feel better if she had a labiotomy or something. Labiaplasty. $7,000 ladies. Come on. You put them on a credit card. Dude, there's a subreddit filled with before and after pictures.

I know there is. Animal hide, animal skin, skin, I know there is. These people aren't creative. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't see.

This feels like mirrored continents or something, like a map. I saw a lady's face in the top right and then nothing else. I see two ladies looking at each other with their hands doing this, looking like away almost. But with their butts are touching. One more, one more. Yeah. Hmm.

All right. It's two like iguanas like dancing around a fire. Okay. I had like squirrels climbing, but I don't know what they're climbing exactly, but that's what I saw on the side, similar. Yeah.

They're dancing on a fire, and they're creating a portal to a universe where chameleons run shit. I think of them more as fantastical beasts than... Cameliola. Yeah. Some sort of warrior animal. Can't even change colors?

Okay. I wish we could change colors. That'd be cool. like the way that like cephalopods can and chameleons can. You ever see a like a, I think it's an octopus dreaming and it's like skin is changing colors. The way a dog's like feet will move and he'll kick around and whine and stuff. Like the squid is changing colors and doing all these crazy patterns. Yeah.

I want to know what he's dreaming so bad. It makes me feel bad for having like octopus sashimi when I go to Japanese place. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. Well, when you get the sashimi platter, Kyle, you are at the chef's whim. I've ordered a boat. You've ever gotten a boat? I've gotten a boat. And I've had it.

I went to. This is probably like 12 years ago. I went on a date with a girl at a sushi place. And I knew none of the other things would fill me up. And so I ordered like a boat. And I didn't realize that they were going to bring. me like a fucking schooner full of nonsense.

You ordered the boat. That's what it is. I ate it by myself. Ooh. So the idea of someone's eating a boat by themselves, which are usually around $90 by the order.

You ordered something different. Yes. And I ate it by myself. Did you eat a $90 boat on your own? It was probably 70 at most. Or I, are you familiar with a sushi boat?

Just we're all on the same page here. Yeah. They bring it out. Yeah. They have a giant model ship covered with sushi that they that they bring to your play. It's like Japanese fajitas.

Which if you are hungry, is not even a crazy amount of food, by the way, for one person. Because it's sushi. They keep it kind of small. There's a cream. It's not all nigeria.

It's not all nigeri. There's sashimi on there. Sashimi on there, too. Look, I split one with a girl one time, and we were so stuffed. Split it. Fag.

I just imagine, like, she's sitting in there with her dish of food thing. Like, you're a fucking boat? Like, what the? Who is this guy? Well, it didn't that some Japanese guy came out with sparklers. You know, he did. Shell Crabb, do you bring your own tools? Do you do really well with minimal tools? How is it done? As long as I have, the most important tool is the small fork. The small fork is more important than the cracker because you can break everything with your hands other than like but you can't get a good seam like

sometimes you sometimes you break like a good piece but it just it just doesn't tear correctly and then you don't want to break that piece again or you're going to get a bunch of mush and so you take that small fork and you just kind of scissor up the side split it and then grab the whole piece out why not literal scissors uh because the scissors are too girthy because some of those pieces are very small and so if you were to put scissors in there and cut it you're also cutting the meat and kind of pushing it because crab meat's very soft. So yeah, I need the three-pronged tiny fork. And ideally they'll give you a cracker for the...

If you had high-quality scissors like this, don't they seem like they'd be good at the task? They probably would... For the non-claws, that would be fine. Totally fine. Yeah. For the claws, that wouldn't go through the claws. You'd break the scissors. And claws are kind of annoying to, like, crush with your hands because they feel like...

like a, you feel like a barbarian. And if you smash them with your hands, then all the meat gets mushed. And you don't want that. You need the crackers for the claws. What do you? I was hoping that during our hangout this week, join the Patreon down below. You can hang out with us. It's always a fun time.

Someone gets screamed at inevitably. I promise you, if you join our hangout, I used to promise pussy. But people have stopped fucking in the hangout. It hasn't been a sex show in a Coon's age. And I'm just going to stop even like trying to get the boys rallied. Because I've been lied to. in time again. I got this hoard, dude. She's going to fucking spread her butthole.

And it's like, she doesn't show up. You know, we could get nothing. No show at all. But this last week, I thought we were going to get a 1v1 between your goat of first person shooters. The guy that what he's always talking about is so good. He's like number one in the world

an aim trainer and shit against our hometown hero, the dirt master, Dirty, who is apparently like I knew he was really, I've played a lot of first person shooters with dirty. He is very good. But I didn't know that He was, like, held him high as well. Like, I really wanted those two to play.

What we got to do, Woody, is get them in a game that is new to both of them. Because that seems fair. Man, like there were a new game dropping on March 5th. See, your guy has been doing a lot of arc. I don't know what he does in his spare time. Dirty probably plays mostly CS these days. So it doesn't seem fair for Dirty to take on your boy in Arc or your boy to take on Dirty and CS to either of them.

But if they played each other in marathon in a 1v1, I don't know if that's possible. It's an extraction shooter, maybe there's private lobbies that you can dick around in. I don't know. But worst case scenario, you just hop in battlefield or cod or something. I want to see that 1v1. Moreover, I want to gamble on that 1v1. Because

here's the thing, Dirty is a degenerate gambler and I think he's way overestimated his own skill at this thing. It's just like anything else. And the internet exposes this like nothing else. Sometimes you live in a small pond and you're the big fish in the small pond and the

internet is the biggest fucking pond in all of existence. So you might think you're a good fucking rapper or a good video game player. But once you get on YouTube and you realize there's a community of people doing this for money, there's a professional league of woodworkers, it turns out. Suddenly your cornerwork isn't as nice. Suddenly you're adorable. Exactly. And I think that's what's going to happen to dirty.

But dirty doesn't quit. and Dirty is a degenerate gambler. So there's some money to be made. I don't want to call him that. I've gambled with him before. I've seen it. You see? I've seen, I've seen, I've seen dirty do.

Dirty likes to gamble, okay? And I feel like I can make several hundred dollars betting with Dirty on himself, against himself. He will give odds because he's good. But like you said, right, like my friend is good too. he hasn't played a ton of CS dirt he's really current in CS he's been playing a lot

but he'll give odds too you know he's gonna act like my friend can't get 10 wins in a hundred yeah I think you know what was his actual thing it was 20 at first it was that like 15 out of 50 at first it was like 10 out of 25

like you're got we'll play to 25 and your guy won't get 10 was the bet and I was like fucking take I take that bet I take that man, sure, because I think he's going to slaughter you. I think your guy is going to slaughter dirty. That's what I think's happening. Yeah, the way my guy phrased it was, I'm not guaranteed to win.

That's good for a competition. Based on like Woody sent his friend Dirty's, like, Elo, and his, like, levels and CS and stuff like that, his pedigree. And I guess it was impressive enough that your guy was like, oh, wait. Wait a minute now. I'll hang on. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to warm up a little bit before I do this. Do you think that dirty would be gracious in victory?

It would be the first time. He's the least gracious and victory person I've ever come across. And I got to be honest, it has endeared me to him. I love that about dirty. He'll win by one word on code names and be like, you dumb faggot, you thought you could roll with me. And it's like, you didn't even click the winning word. And he's like, shut up.

The douchebag. It's so funny. But hopefully we'll get, we'll get that battle. I'd love to see it. I won't understand. I'm very interesting enough. I want to make it happen. I want to protect my friends anonymity.

Dude, I asked him what his cat's name was today. and he changed the subject. And I called him out on it. He did tell me. But I think he's just like by default that private. He's playing a game called Mugenics. Have you heard of this? No, I'm looking at it.

Binding of Isaac might be the developers first. Maybe another one called like Meat Crown. Anyway, there's an indie developer who's known for making great games. And Mugetics just dropped. And he got a cat that had the same name as his own cat. they're randomly generated. Oh, this is cute. A little, like,

basically you breed cats and if they don't work while you put them in some sort of garbage disposal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a cutesy little game. Yeah, I think it has a sense of humor to it. And I was like, oh, what is your cat's name? It's like, yeah, yeah, well, you know, it's not,

it's kind of my parents' cat. Are we going to look at the cat on Facebook or something and track him down? I don't know. Mr. Whiskers has a big following, and that would blow his end. anonymity. I think my dog's got

3,000 or 4,000 on Instagram or something like that. I haven't looked at that in a minute. We need to be careful when we talk about him not to do anything. I don't know. I don't know shit about him anyway. I didn't know if I wanted. I don't know.

On purpose. I didn't know him that cat. Yeah. I mean, I'll be looking at know. It's news to me. He's going to be like, did you tell him about the cat? Tell me no. Tell me no.

I mean, I mentioned it. I want to see them play. This is as close as, because I wasn't here for the wings 1v1 on Bach. I was traveling. I was in Seattle. I was with White Boy and like a bunch of other YouTubers. And we were getting that information like the way that like today you might,

oh shit, we went to Iran. That's why all of our phones were going off when this shit happened. It was like, oh. And someone's like explaining it to me. We're all drinking and like walking around on the war for the pier, whatever you call it in Seattle.

like having a nice evening out and they're like, apparently. Wings challenged Tom to a 1v1. I was like, well, that won't go well. Tom's like a world-class gamer, I think. Yeah, it didn't go well at all. He's not on the show

anymore. He quit. What do you? Hang on. He quit the show. My coworker quit. Wings all show long was dogging on syndicate's gaming skills. Stuff like wing saying he was way better at zombies than syndicate was and it's like how he gonna like attack him in his own wheelhouse like um what gets me what it still plays in my head is there's a moment after the loss i said something very close to like yeah wings i get it man that sucks and he goes i don't suck you fucking faggot and i just let it pass because he was all upset and stuff and i'm like what is the right way for for an adult to handle that.

Like, am I supposed to get all tilted? Am I supposed to try to alpha him? Correctly there being like, this guy's, you know, up his own ass with frustration right now. I'm going to take the high road and let him spas. Like that, that was the only one screaming and crying and breaking things. It's best if everyone else is mellow and he's the odd man out.

You don't want to, did you remember Tom tried to make it a bit fun afterward? Like, even after he won, if my recollection is correct, is like, Tom was saying, like, that was a good one, mate, or like whatever the British shit he was saying. Like,

New Zealand, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't being like a bombastic douchebag about it, if I recall. He wasn't being like, you get fucked. I owe it. He was not doing that whatsoever. He was like, oh, that was fun. You know, we'll have to do it again.

And that was after, I think Wings chose the map. Wings chose the gun. The game even. That wasn't the current cause. I'm host here in North Carolina Wings is in South Carolina and Tom's in England and 5,600 miles to the east

Tom So you could see him like collapsing throughout it Fuck man Like getting well yeah I think there was a timer on it So once Wings was behind he had to make like bad pushes because Tom could just run out the timer and then in making bad

pushes he wasn't able to regain the lead and it was just a tough spot what he should have done see the timer's a good thing though because it's a 1v1 on Bach why are we not advancing toward one another anyway but but he bought he bought you on bog he picked it because he oh I know because he's a he wants to get on the trash pile and he wants to lock Tom behind that wall so Tom has to run out behind that wall over and over and he's just got him head peeking. I think you're right, but also it's long lines of sights on a,

Wings' top shooting gaming skill. At the time, he's probably learned lots of stuff since then, but at the time was like long distance hitting that one pixel, little headshot from across the map. That was what his best skill was. So Bog 1V1 with M16s is all suited to Wings's advantage

and it just didn't work out. Yeah, he's not a, flick like fias shooter he's he's definitely more precise I bet he uses a low sense but I could be wrong about that I don't know well we gotta get a rematch between those two I'm sure

it's been talked about over the years I bet Tom says no because he's a retired millionaire essentially but that's why he should say yes he doesn't give a fuck I think he's salty about the whole thing and the way wings conducted himself in the aftermath and all you know trying to bribe him to

take a loss and that in that, you know, second game and all. I barely remember that. I barely remember the bribe thing. I know you guys have told me, but I wasn't in the mix. Like, I wasn't being in the billion.

Alki David. Alki David, yeah, Alki David saw an opportunity to do something that could be widely seen and was going to like put up some money, maybe five grand. And wings agreed to like split it. He's like, hey, you know what? listen. I'm going to win anyway. I'm sorry. I got to

correct you because it's so it's such a big deal. Please do. Please do. Yeah. We might be a little bit off on the prize money. Five to ten grand, somewhere in that in that ballpark. Wings, PMs, and the idea of course is rematch, M16s on Bog. They're doing it again.

You know, take advantage of this little moment in the community. And Wings private messages Tom on Skype, I think, and he's trying to negotiate for Tom to take a dive. And you would think that the deal would be, look, the prize money is five grand. Take it all.

I just want my respect back. Let me beat you. No. Wing says, we'll split it, 70, 30, my way. Yeah, I was getting there. I remember that. Yeah, I think it was three grand or two grand or something like that. Something like that.

Wings was going to take most of the money. What? The worst trade deal and history of trade deals. Now, it's important to understand during this time, Tom is making fast amounts of money, hundreds of thousands of dollars. He's probably a millionaire already at this point. Wings not so much. Tom doesn't give a shit about any of this.

I think he wrote back something like, well, you're fucked now. And then he just starts tweeting screenshots. Just tweeting screenshots of like wings trying to like fix the 1V1 on Bogg. Which made it something. It was going to be bog again? Well, of course. have to do you know if they if they ever played again you would have to play cod for bog 1v1 m16 and but this time the timer's off bump bump bum like that would yeah i guess wings had done a lot of 1v ones and the settings

that i put weren't quite the ones that he wanted i think he wanted radar always on and no timer maybe something like that he should have stopped immediately oh i'm sorry that the settings are wrong can we fix that i'm in a corner looking down like let's all he had to say real quickly and you're like oh my bad. Let's get, because I will say, I do want radar always on in a 1v1, I think, in that game. Like, if I were going to do that and, like, I would also want it on. It would stop excessive hiding. It would stop excessive hiding.

And it would lead more to us dueling, which is what you want. Like, now we have the same. We both have equal information, even if I just died. And we can duel. We can peek and jump and dive and recover and all that stuff. That's probably the, the, the right. way to do it, but it's irrelevant. He didn't even lose that badly.

No. What was the final score? Do you recall? I don't remember, but I bet it was like 15 to 10. Like if I'm close. Yeah, something like that. 14 to 9. I just found the video and scrubbed through it. Yeah. He broke his controller.

He did. And then he said he broke his controller. It was like, you hear this like, I broke my controller. that was the why the fuck you streamed that shit right yeah yeah he like he like pivoted his anger towards Woody and Woody's just like

you know I'm a 38 year old man I don't really need this I wish to God that then you had 1 V1 him and also beaten him on his settings he hung himself why are we wishing for this I take it back

I was kind of working through that as I went I just remember you heard the controller break it was like quack quack crack and I think maybe you asked me if you wanted to go again or just who maybe maybe redneck said who's next or something like that there was some like let's move things along

keep it light keep it light let's have another one you know and forget the last one and he's like you want to go again wings I broke my controller What? I broke my controller and then y'all all start laughing Well in fairness

It was really funny It was so funny It is it is Yeah I would I would love to be there this time When a consequential 1B1 went down

Oh my gosh Ooh A couple of these kills I'm watching it now At one point He's moving around a lot more Somebody sends me a message in the middle of it and it was like the guy's name I forget what it was it

was like why'd you stream that or like I broke my controller right towards the end of it and it's a hilarious like I get this Xbox notification that pops up and it's you know how right timing was perfect no they had they had seen the moment and they had immediately went to their dashboard signed out made a free account because you remember each Xbox got like five free accounts or something with a month of Xbox Live on them each. Named it something funny, logged back in.

Send me a message. What was the message? I'm scrubbing. Here's the here's the video. I'm scrubbing through looking for it, but here's the one I'm looking at. That'd be perfect.

I'll find it. This is great. We could show this too. This is my content. Mine could. Let me follow. To Wang Monster 47. Just looking at this UI is kind of heartwarming.

It's like seeing a photo of like your home when you're eight years old or something. It's like... It really is. This is comforting in a way. I spent so much time. Like just the UI and the menus. You know, you spend as much time in this game and the menus as you do playing sometimes. Oh, yeah.

And there's lobbies. I've never been as good at any shooter as I was at Cod4. like that and I'm not great at shooters in the first place but that was the only cod that I felt like I was I could carry pretty consistently yeah I was playing all day I was just playing all day every day like eight hours a day or something just constantly play I didn't play that much but I like that was the game that when I get home from junior year of high school or whatever when it came out sophomore year 2007 we all were in the mix like at lunch when this was a big thing. Everyone would be talking about like, dude, you guys playing cod after school? Let's hop on. Let's get a team of six and go hog wild.

And then we'd have to, you know, try and exclude the friends who sucked. We had a pretty good. We didn't really go. Zach, can we watch this together for a second? Go use my link if you can. Or you could also go to 1223. and that's it. Back up a little bit, if you can.

Because, like, I'm watching this, and I'm like spectating trying to show both of them, and then I go, Wings, are you in the game? Yeah, I'm with you right there. I don't always win, but I'm there. You know, like, commentator showdown goes on. Clean. I knew that was a tough lobby to do well in,

but I was there. Bang, bang. It's clean kill Yeah he broke the controller And I go wings, are you in the game Are you in the game? Oh my god, I just Ray Critch wants you to join an Xbox

Life party The tiger was hurting Wings, did you spawn in? I broke my controller You're gonna Faggot Oh, wings I think Yeah, that's

That is I'm You faggot, you faggot, motherfucker. Yeah. So, can you pause it? So now I, we laughed. He said, stop fucking, stop laughing, you fucking faggot. And I was like, oh, wings, I get it.

Like, that sucks. He was like, I don't fucking suck. Like, he didn't. I don't fucking suck. Or maybe I said it sucks. I think about a war check. He heard what he thought. Oh, man.

He'd see syndicate. What if they did a boxing match? That would be epic. Oh, that's what I really want. I'd rather see wings. I don't think that would go well. I don't know. He's a little guy.

He's a smaller guy. Tom's small, but. Not very small. But how, when you guys say that, I never met it. I would say five nine. And what is a way? I met him a long time ago. So when I met him, he was pretty small.

light, but, you know, he's a long time ago. He could be huge, I don't know. Yeah. Well, I've heard Wings is 6'5. I've heard that too. Yeah. I don't know how tall he acts. I've never met him. It's hard to mention. Wings is an undefeated

professional athlete in the sport of boxing. That's true. That's something none of us can say. I'm also undefeated in the sport of boxing. What are you talking about? Well, but that's kind of cheatery, isn't it? You didn't fight. Like if you had to fight Hickok 45 A six foot 10, 80, you're like a six foot 10, 80, you know, man. Come here, you lanky fuck.

He just goes, bang, like Indiana Jones. All right, now let's see if we can hit the gong. You're dead. He just blows my toe off. I wonder how he's doing. I imagine his content is the very same it was when I watched it, lot. He's got to be getting up there. Like, he's got to be in.

He was always cool. I always thought Hickok was awesome. He's always been really nice to me when I met him. I bet him probably three times or something. He's always been very chill. Him and his son are super tall. Like six. He's six, six, six, seven? I mean, I only see him on video, but he seems so even tempered.

Like it would, it seems like it would take a lot to get him riled up. He's still killing it on YouTube, dude. He made a video. Two days ago about S&W revolvers, 150,000 views, two days. Good for him. Good for him. Yeah. I always thought he was neat.

I'm glad you liked him in the gun sphere, Kyle, and that your only complaint I know repeatedly is that I don't want to take pictures with Guy. He's six foot eight. At least let me stand up the hill. I did a video and like, we didn't set it up this way, but he is standing down in a little hill from me. Is he still taller? No, no, he was down in a little hill from me. He was down, yeah, definitely.

No, he's a giant, though. His son, I can't remember if it's him or his son that's the tallest, but they're both like, I don't know, way, way taller. His son's a pretty good shot, too. I saw him shoot a lever action about as quickly as I could shoot an AR-15. Yeah, I like him. Glad he's still-hack-in. Oh, God damn it.

This exists! He's in a hole at this point. I remembered him being down by the car. I didn't remember. In my memory, I pictured him. That's his car. I pictured him down there by his car with the door open, getting something out.

And I had approached and said hi. But the rest of this is lost to the hands of time. I don't remember this. And you're not short. Like, you're tall. Yeah. Are you six tall as I remember? Kyle?

Six three. In shoes, for sure. Like if I'm barefooted, I'm probably like 6-1 and like a little more. I'm definitely more than 6-1, but I think I'm less than 6-2. If I know who the tallest is in this group? Colin. Colin, I think, is bigger than 2 or 3, 6-2 or 3.

Is any part of you like, yeah, shit? No, no, no. I mean, I laugh about it, but I'm happy he's tall. Getting something, Jesus, life's tough. Yeah. I mean, being tall rules. But I also, my favorite thing I see week to week, because I don't know, Colin, but I see is the second you come and sit down pre-show,

he has more respect for the show than any of us or any listener where he's like, Dad's working. I'm out. And then he will run behind. No, and I remember because I've been doing that, or I've been on the show for 12 years or whatever. I remember it was a little kid running for a while. And then I'm like, oh, is Woody?

like letting new maybe Charlotte NBA players hang out and like loathing behind them with the long legs running to the side. It's very sweet. It was 2013. April 2013 was when I was at your house like wrestling with Colin and he was a little guy.

He was a little guy. Of course that was 13 years ago so it makes sense he might have grown up. He can do a flip. Front or back? back. Front. That's harder.

That is harder. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Your body doesn't want to do that. I can't do either flip, but I've heard front flip is harder from the ground. Yeah. They were always this.

The guy's name was Chad, and he was a Chad, and he could do back flips out of the swing set in third grade. And I was like, who teaches you that? Your eight. Where have you been training gymnastics to the point? Like he would swing really high forward and then fall backwards out and, like, land on his feet like a superhero. I saw a guy do that on YouTube, but he was like 84.

I was like, I'm glad you nailed that because I think you die if you don't. This kid would, he had a, his two-story house, the backyard was great at such that it was lower than the front. So the two stories really added up. And he would jump off of the roof of the second story down to a trampoline, catch a mega jump. and then do like all sorts of spins and shit when he landed. And we had like a sleepover. Nobody in the school was willing to even go up there.

It was just him being fucking Chad the king. It was like like and his dad's out there like drinking a beer wash and like yep, look at him go. Like like what the fuck? Did he do anything good athletically like later? Yeah. In middle or high school? He was too skinny by high school. But early on in like an elementary in middle school, he was always the fastest.

definitely the fastest white kid. Like by far, he was the fastest white kid. And so he was always doing like track stuff and anything that involved being fast. But by high school, he was really skinny. So he just, he played a little baseball, but he was just too skinny. When I was young, I was pigeon toad, which means your toes point inward. So I developed a running style where like I would pull my leg out a little and come back so that the toes didn't hit each other. And I didn't even realize it was weird until school.

And they're like, what? is with you. I'm not popular. I remember, and it must have been second or third grade, and we were doing this thing in Jim where we all, we were running the 100 meters, I think. And there were times. I don't know why you time eight, nine-year-olds in the 100 meters,

but they were. And I was the kid who was a little bit smarter, but not in the conventional way. I just took what she said literally. Not in a way that could be measured. No, no, definitely not. And that was proven time and time again. No, but she said, she said, we're doing the 100 meters.

Your job is to get here before anyone else. And I was like, okay. Yeah, that's how races work. I'm not, so we start running. And anytime someone's a little faster than me, I cut them off while we're running. I block them out. And I'm moving, I'm like a snake going back and forth. blowing down everybody so that I get to her first.

And she's like, Kyle. What was that? I was like, I won. I won. You told me to get here first. I took you literally. I did exactly what you said, but it was wrong. And it took me a while to understand why I was wrong.

I remember being so mad. Because at first I was like, ace that one. Aced that one. Nobody else was able to have had any defense for my plan there. Very disappointed in me when we got down there. though. The best like race around tactic I ever saw was from

Joe, the fire boy guy in high school. Shout out Joe. Our track was around the whole school. They didn't have us run around just the football field. We had to run around the entire school. And it was like

maybe half mile, third mile, I don't know. I don't remember how many times we had to do it. But his strategy was to run until he was out of view of the coach and then just bank on the coach not keeping mental track of who was going around him because there's, you know, 30 kids or whatever in the class. And he would just go to the side, stop. Then his buddy Tom, also a no good nick, would come out and they would smoke cigarettes.

And so the rest of us would be like running, trying to do it because I was too big of a pussy to push back. I was like, oh man, these guys are cool. They're, you know, real devil may care attitude. I don't have that. And they would come around at the last lap, not even sweaty, and then complete. And the way they would get away with it is because they would always circle around in such a way as they were not even in the top 70, 80% of people. He would come around as though he was last because he didn't care what his place was. He just wanted to not have to run.

And I don't think, I don't think Joe ever had to run a mile, ever, our entire. time. He got away with it the whole time. Like he even had his minions bringing him cigarettes outside behind one area and all the rest of us or at least I in my head, I was like, damn, that's pretty cool of him. Like,

I love too much of a bitch to try it. I got to at least run my mile. Hated running the mile. School is so brutal. Like, I should wake up every day and just thank my lucky stuff. is that there isn't a point in the middle of it where they forced me to change into shorts and run a mile and come back.

Did you phone in the miles too? You didn't even wear shorts? No, no. So as a freshman, I ran the miles. There was really no getting out of it. There's no hiding. It was a track. But as a senior, I was able to phone it in.

The way that the sports worked in our gym class is you got to pick it based on seniority. and by the time you're a senior, I just chose all non-sweet sports. Like I'm going to need some social board, some archery. I need myself some bad made. Like I chose all sports that didn't involve a lot of movement. You guys had cool sport options. It's insane. Yeah.

Like my country bumpkin ass didn't know what badminton was. I still not. Badminton's dope. Is that like tennis, but you've got that shuttlecock thing? Exactly. The net's much higher. And the shuttlecock goes. really fast, but it slows down really fast.

So even though I'm 15 feet from you and you're slamming it full force, I don't know how fast it goes off the racket, but I'll say 100 miles an hour. But by the time it gets to me, it's at like a 15 or 20 and there's something I can do with it. Yeah, it's got fit. The racket's different too, right? It's really lightweight.

Much longer stay. And it's unlike tennis or pickleball or racket ball or whatever. Like you can't let it touch the ground. Like there's no, there's no bounce. Oh, of course, yeah. Oh, yeah, the shuttlecock has stayed in the air. And the racket's so light that you could like, if I like fake it this way and you like go, you could change directions and recover it really quickly.

Like it doesn't take any wristrict. Whereas a tennis ragged, I mean, people are fast, but it's a little momentum and inertia involved in the weight of that. Golf and soccer were new sports at my high school when I got to high school. They were forming the teens for the first time in our. high school's history. It was like, who's going to teach golf? And the smartest

of the coaches was like, right here. I'm a golf guy. And he had such a great gig because he got to wear khakis and go on tons of these field trips and just go play golf, like as his job. He had it made. And then I think we actually had to hire a soccer coach

because no one had an inkling at the high school about how to play it. It was like... That's crazy. Soccer's the most baseline. None of us had ever played it. No one, there was one, there was one kid at our high school. Like, they start the team.

We're in 10th grade. Like, there's going to be a soccer team. And there's one kid who had transferred over for high school. Like, he didn't go through eighth grade and below with any of us. He was from somewhere else. And he was like, I play soccer. And it turned out he was great at it. You're the coach.

They could have made him the coach. He might as well have been because they had. He was great. Yeah, he was great. I mean, he was the greatest soccer player we ever. But I guess what I was saying As far as we could say I imagine him being like fourth best on his team

And he comes to yours and he's the best But no It sounds like he could have been the best on a lot of teams He was a very athletic guy He was like a 5 foot 10 like blonde guy He was quick and he wasn't he wasn't very He wasn't slightly built He was powerfully built

And he was He seemed to be good at the game But we didn't know what the fuck we were looking at None of us had ever seen a soccer game before I had only seen a soccer ball because my papa was Honduran and we'd kick it around in his yard. I was the second most talented soccer player based on that. And you didn't even join the team.

Of course not. Of course not. There were people talking about joining because you could like get in fights like it was hockey or something. They're like, you know, they just give you a heart. They made it sound that, again, we didn't know what soccer was. It's kind of like hockey, but you have to fall and pretend to be hurt a lot. Yeah, it turns out. That's how you play.

And to this day, I've just got no hockey or no soccer want at all. Like, every time I watch it, I can't, I can't at all. I just can't at all. It's too low scoring, like we always say. And too much goddamn running. Do they not take commercial breaks? Like, I got a piss at some point. I don't get how the else works.

Because it'll be, it'll get to the end. And then it'll be like the refs have decided we're going to play another nine minutes. And it's like, well, I understand it right, and I'm lightly informed. They carefully track all the stoppages and then add it on at the end. So the clock's running while the play is stopped, but they take that time and they give it to them at the end. And they don't stop, stop the clock until there's like a non-scoring break in the action. So like if you're in the middle of a charge about to take a shot on goal, they let that play out.

That seems so anticlimactic, doesn't it? Like that last tick down of the clock, whether it's basketball, football, hockey, whatever. Like, it's intense because that is the end. Like, if anything, why doesn't the soccer just blow it down? Yeah, just soccer should blow it down, stop the clock. This is way younger than I thought it was. It was like I throws it in bounds, start the clock again. You know my issue was soccer.

I'm sorry, Kyle. The mind's fast, though. Yeah, yeah. Everybody rips us for calling it soccer, including England. as if we made up this language, right? You think Americans invented the word soccer? No, we brought that shit here. And now you're giving us a hard time

because you switched it to football? Fuck you. I love that argument. It looks like modern soccer, as we know it, began in 1863. Or, let's see, 1848, okay, 1848 were the early rules, and then the modern rules are 1863, but it has an ancient origin,

which I thought was going to be South America. I thought they had a soccer-like game where they were trying to kick a ball through a hole That was through a you know Yeah I heads don't kick well you know that They had a ball of some kind But apparently it's Chinese

It dates back to second Century BC with the Chinese game of Kuju I mean that's hard to even Define because soccer as a sport Is just people kicking something towards an end Right whether it's a goal or whatever. Like I imagine most cultures who weren't like total failures who were so obsessed with like,

we need food right now. Like all the ones who had a little bit of free time, soccer seems like the most natural sport to start. It's so cheap. It seems like such a baseline. Maybe the game of catch? Like what's more basic than soccer? Not a lot. Yeah.

Wrestling is your OG sport. Yeah. That's got to be the first sport. Well, the Greeks started that, right? The cavemen started that when we were arguing over who was going to get that. The Greeks started because it's not a sport until there's scores. Like the Greeks started scoring it, right? Otherwise, you're just fighting.

Like, there have to be scores. Well, everyone knows who won. You would, but like they had scores back then. Maybe it's not a sport until it's recreation, right? because what Kyle's describing is almost a survival sort of battle. Like, I don't think guerrillas are participating in sport when they wrestle. Yeah. They're, I agree.

Unless they do it recreationally, too. But I was thinking of this dominant stance. Okay. Here's what humans are there has to be a score for us to consider it. Organized wrestling has ancient roots with evidence of refereed, styled competitions, which I think is what we're looking for here, dating back 5,000 years. to the Samarians and the ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Chinese civilizations, all of those.

It was established as an Olympic sport in 708 BC in Greece, of course, modern organized professional wrestling in 1830. So it looks like, as long as 5,000 years ago, it was being refereed and there were styled competitions. And back then, I think they were like breaking fingers. Well, that's the Olympics. There was that one great wrestling champion, and his move was to, once he had,

had you pinned to start breaking your fingers one by one until you surrendered. Yeah, none of you can handle me, cos. Like, play dance. Miccos the crippler. Yes. You cannot stop me. How gruesome. I think they instituted a rule about that.

Next event, of course, is rape. Whatever else they were doing back then. Miko's ready. Mucos is Malti sportality. God damn it, that Miko's the worst. God damn, I hate this Miko guy. I could hold that sign.

I would also be against you. You'd poke all my fingers. Yes, that is how Miko's plays. That's why he restless wear those singlets, because you can't take them off. easily. I got tangled in his arm. And as crazy as that is, the UFC wasn't

that much crazier when it started. Have you seen the footage of the guy? It doesn't matter who they were, but they're on the ground in the octagon, and one of them basically has free rain on the other's groin. And he starts punching this guy. They're laying on the ground together, and he's

punching this guy's cock and balls. And I don't think he's wearing a cuff. It doesn't, like back then, like you wore whatever was your sport style? 93, I'm going to say it was when the UFC started. But he's going, bang, bang, bang, like, not like haymakers, but it's the guy throwing the dick punches. No, the guy receiving the dick punches name was Joe's son, a convicted rapist later on. So a lot of people find a lot of justice.

They're wearing like the mannequinis that like a professional wrestler, old school swimmer would wear. And he's just getting just jacked up with testicle punches. I don't know how many. Would you just like 12? Like a lot.

They went on and on and on. And there was no stopping it. It wasn't against the rules. I found the video. That's the key thing here. Well, the Greeks didn't see finger breaking becoming a thing. So like it's, they wanted

in the beginning of the UFC, what they wanted was true no holds barred. What would happen if a Taekwondo expert and a sumo wrestler had to fight each other in the fucking wilds of a jungle to the death? What would go down? And so that's kind of what

you could bite? You could pull hair? Like whatever. Can you show about 15 seconds of that? I'll risk it. I want to I think you should. I want to share. Maybe start two seconds and to shorten as much as you can. You crop it down to just the groin. That's what I was all I want to see.

It's not very sporting. Just crop us down to the groin. He's throwing one after the other. He's got him in like half guard. And the guy's just got a hold of his head, but he doesn't know what he's doing. Like, it's not a proper guillotine. And he's just getting pumbled in the nuts over and so hard. Oh my God. They're so hard. That was perfect, Zach. Let go. Look going. That wasn't the end of the clip, folks. That was the end of our nerve facing copyright. He takes way. I've got it playing on another monitor.

Boom. Boom. They're still raining down. They're still raining down. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I know he was what you say, a rapist later. Yeah. But at this point, he was raped free. As far as we know. I think so. Yeah.

As far as we are aware. But that, that seems unsporting to me. I don't like that. Just like biting. And just like I saw that one dude, Aspinall, is like maybe going to have permanent eye problems because these pieces of shit like just poke and then pretend they don't. It is really hard. So on team Aspinol sort of emotionally and by default, that's where I started. And then a lot of people start smearing this guy saying he's a quitter that he should have fought through the eye damage.

I was not on that side. And then now I can't tell how much he's like playing. Like he had LASIC. Is that even related to the end? What are we doing here? Yeah, he's having, he's had three eye surgeries. He says he can't stand. Like his vision is so bad.

He can't shake hands. And then there's footage of him like dancing at the club and stuff. And you're like, I can't square this. I don't understand why. Does your injury sort of come and go? Like, I don't know. I don't know what the, a lot of people think that he's exaggerating the extent of the injury so that people don't actually.

like he was a sissy pants for stopping the fight. He wants to work. He's in his prime. What surgeries did he have? You know, kind of like what were the eye surgery? I thought he had two or three different eye surgeries so far. And the picture I saw of him, although it may have been some thumbnail magic. His eyes were scarlet red.

I don't think he's faking because he already got led around by his dick by John Jones and didn't get to fight for a better part of 18 months. He is the champion of the world. So you're getting paid top dollar. He's the heavyweight champion of the world, which to most people, people is interesting and it's a soft division once he gets through gone he can he he he's undefeated he cleans the whole division he cleans the whole division what he already beat sergey spivock or whatever his name is that's the that's one of the scarier guys to me he actually looks like an athlete

the rest of them are slabs and fat so's and and used to bes and never were never was it's fat it's weak right now his biggest threat is perera stepping all the way up to heavyweight that's a fight and that's the fight I want I would love it or for arrogance John Jones anyway I'd like to see that too I don't want to see John's fight anybody he's retired he's got hipart writers well get the fuck out of here

no white house card leave the sport go shoot your guns and play with your belt and mouths and mouths and stop ruining other people's careers with your arrogance that's what I'm tired of that story of this guy that we want to come back and fight so bad but he isn't going to just milking his social media and messing up somebody else's career

some contender that should have had two, even three fights in this time where you're being drug around by Connor or John. It's bullshit. Right now, and this is an article from Yahoo from a couple days ago, Aspinall says, right now I've got a black spot in my eye and it's there constantly, which is what you, like, a common thing to expect with like retinal or eye damage is you have like a spot in your eye that is kind of defaulted back to nothing. That sucks. I wonder how, you know, everyone has a blind spot in their eye.

Their brains just accommodate for it. Yeah, but for most people, it's like right here or whatever. Like if you're looking forward. He would probably, he would have a black spot like in his. Right. Right. Yeah. I thought it was in the center of your eye.

It depends. It depends. It depends on the middle, you know. It's, it's more. We've all got those. It's larger and smaller. I have two. One in each eye.

Let's see. I'm going to Google. I'm trying to find it. This Yahoo writer really is verbose. I'm trying to get to the meat of it, and these guys are just writing their own little song and dance lore. Just tell me what his problem is. Uptegra Eye Hospital. That's where he's getting it.

Yeah, he was clearly poked in the eye. He was clearly hurt. I don't think fighters should be expected to go out there. when they've been damaged by a foul and keep going. Yeah. But the internet has introduced doubt. I can't tell how injured he is. I got guys in lab coats who understand the machine that just operated on him.

It was like LASIC, you know, and he's like, I can tell what this is and yada yada. And I'm like, well, he's wearing a lab coat. Who am I to question that? They don't sell those to just anybody. They do, actually. Oh, my man.

I feel bad for him because like, eye damage vision problems are something that is, if nothing else, completely unfalsifiable because we don't have the, like you can't even prove to someone what your vision looks like other than giving you or giving them your glasses, and that's not even a one-to-one kind of look. Like, this guy probably has severe eye damage because you don't opt into three operations.

on your eyes, which we've learned are part of your brain. And you don't do that. Like you would never, ever opt into an eye surgery. I don't know. Kyle said LASIC. I don't understand why LASIC would help because that's, I think, shaving down bits of the cornea, right? Or whatever that frontal area is in order to change where the light intersects.

Because otherwise, like, if your eyes too, cornea is too thick, The light entering your eye intersects at the wrong place in the back of your head and then you get blurriness. I just don't know. Like, I believe everything he's saying about his eyes. There's no reason to lie. I want him back in the game. I think that's what he wants. He's charismatic.

He's great at fighting. Let's make him go. He's going to retire. Let's hope he can go again. Is there a piece of shit getting in trouble for poking him? No, there are too many people on the piece of shit side. There are a number of people who are like, you know, tough it out. And you also have guys

who are not on his side who like put together compilations of all the people he's fouled and eye poked and etc. But I swear the community seems divided. I don't know why they hate on Aspinall. That's crazy. Fuck Cyril Gagne. He's sticking it. He's fighting like that.

Just poking. Oh yeah? Not just that one fight. Dana White should be this sort of thing more seriously. If anything, like protect your men. Protect your boys. Protect your heavy head. That's not his boy, though. He doesn't like Aspenovic.

Aspernel, he's the champ. That's his boy business-wise. No, he can sell somebody else better, though. Like, if Aspinall is difficult to deal with, just put somebody else there. It's not like Aspinall is so overwhelmingly popular. I mean, clearly, this is case positive. He's not overwhelmingly popular. He's not some media darling that everybody's fawning over and, like, calling for Gons. No, no, why. He's funny. He's charismatic. He's relatable. He's good-looking. Like, to me, he has the makings of a star, except for the part about him not really.

being one. He's a winner. Clearly, he wins. I don't know. Right. I don't know. I think maybe I bet John Jones fans don't like him and that makes up a pretty solid group of people. John Jones fans are probably in 2016, right? No, man. I mean, I'm still John Jones fan. He's fucking, he's the, he's Darth Vader. He's the Darth Vader of the UFC. Then why has he been dug up for years? Because he didn't want to lose to him. then that doesn't make him seem like a champion if he's so afraid of this like you know lymie

brit beating his ass like why i mean you know i agree still like john jones he's the scariest man in the world still is i'm i'm he never lost he fought everybody that wanted to fight him no he didn't i think i just said like didn't that this giant He's trying a British guy. This guy is over and over, be like, yeah, serve me John Jones. I love that. And he's like, no, that's scary.

I want to fight a 5'9 fat guy. John Jones is 38 and Tom Aspenall is like late 20s or something like that. So John definitely didn't want the fight. That's clear. But it is at the end of his career once he went up to heavyweight, which is... Aspenol's 32. The thing to keep in mind is John Jones age at the time he was ducking Aspinall was D.C.'s

age at the time he was fighting John Jones. Like that gap was the same. Now that John is on the D.C. side, suddenly he doesn't want to fight him. He wants to drag Steepa out of retirement and beat that corpse. John Jones reads Sun Tzu, okay? Like, he knows how to pick his opponents. He's never lost a fight.

At least that's what it says on his record. And he doesn't say that to carry on. And he's one of, what, there's no L. Didn't he get a DQ for cheating? There is an L? It did. That's right. They didn't do a no contest.

They gave him an L, huh? Yeah, he got to just qualified. No, that's like. They should. If you cheat, you should take the L. Okay, so what he did was he threw a 12 to 6 elbow, which is a silly rule. That's not a rule anymore. Was it at the time?

Yes, but it wasn't expecting to defend 12, 6 elbows because they would make John lose. His opponent was on the ground on the fetal position. and John could have raped him if he wanted. And he just chose... His opponent was deaf and wasn't fully aware of what was happening. Because of the concussions that John Jones had delivered to him. No, he was deaf before the fight. Was that the deaf guy?

I'm pretty sure. Yeah, he beat up a deaf guy. Yeah. What an asshole. A paraphral. Okay. What I would do against a deaf opponent, I would like mouth nothing words, try and confuse him.

I would say, I would choose repeatedly. How do he was trying to choose. How does he do against a deaf opponent? How does he stop in the right time if he can't hear the bell and the clacking sticks and stuff? He's really got to be looking around for some visual clues and keep a track of the time. I guess so. I imagine his coaches get his attention somehow, but I don't know. They flashing lights at him and shit.

Like, stop, stop! I run! They got two segments of two by four, they're clapping. They do that. There's clappers in play. How, how deaf is he? Truly deaf? All the way.

Real deal, deaf? Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes like blindness where people will claim being blind, but they're not actually blind. Well, they're legally blind. Wait, did you say they do that in sign language? No, no. In blind people, sometimes they'll be like, this person is blind, and this is outside of the fighting thing. But there's just a limit at which your light perception becomes blind definitionally.

And so you'll assume that everyone who's quote unquote blind is seeing like blackness, like your eyes are closed. They're not really like that. They have limited and different levels of light perception. They're stealing valor. They are stealing valor. It's disgusting because this is a blind man myself. I think complete blind.

My ex is legally blind and still drives. That's what Zach wrote. She was she 82? I'd say that here. This is Exhibit A now in her civil suit. Yeah. You know, that daycare center could have moved. Oh, speaking of poor kids, did you see the trans shooter that shut up that hockey rink?

Yes. That guy who was dressed like a whore and then he, I think he killed his wife. Where did it happen? And I think he also killed Delaware, I want to say, maybe, Rhode Island or Delaware. Zach, find us a picture of this ghoul. Yeah. He killed his wife. I think he killed his daughter.

And he shot three additional people, I want to say. pretty horrible horrible how do he die what happened where is he now he he turned he killed himself after he killed his wife and daughter so does that improve or decrease your kd ratio i would say it makes well it solidifies it solidifies it i don't know come on zach that's a flattering picture is that's how good at me jeez louise the one the headline i saw it was like Who would sit next to that person and not think I'm next to you. There you go. Now this is journalism.

All right. This. Damn. He's got Epstein. This gentleman right here, I'm not transphobic. But if I saw this person, I would be a little upset. Just look at the five o'clock shadow. It's so bad.

It's so bad. Oh, you would assume this person isn't mentally well? This looks like my dad's like poker buddies decided. you know what, I'm Rebecca now. And that was all the effort they put into it. Like this is just a rename and some Walmart sunglasses, and now I'm a lady. A couple of cantalop halves.

Oh my God. What a complete loon. If only there's been some history of mental illness, we'd have stopped this shooting, Taylor. If only, if only we could have identified this person is crazy. If only there were clear and. No warning signs, Taylor. There weren't, there were no signs that this person had lost their mind.

Yeah. Oh, my fucking. Jesus Louise. What a fucking scumbag. Killed his wife, killed his daughter. And maybe I'm wrong. I'm almost positive the two people he killed, maybe a third by now. I haven't kept up with it.

But I think it was his wife and his daughter. And then I saw a hero of a man, or at least I saw his, like, hospital pictures that reached and got his hand, because you know the slide, he got his hand like chopped by the slide, shut down the gun, like he reached over and grabbed it. Yeah. So hope like maybe that's wrong, but I did see something about that.

So there is a valiant hero there who did his best to stop it, thankfully. Who knows how many people he would have shot if that didn't happen. While I'm telling this next story, watch this clip. It's unrelated. I saw there was a shooting in Canada, it was also a trans shooter like maybe 10, 15 days ago. I think that person killed their whole family

and then went to an elementary school and killed some children and maybe a teacher or something. I think 10. I think 10 children plus his family and maybe more have died because I know there were a lot injured. Fucking horrible, dude. If only we could catch these earlier. If only there were clear and obvious signs.

Jesus Christ. This video is great though. I'll never understand. there was one picture that showed the motorcycle and I've been trying to figure out what it is since I saw it. The motorcycle? Not the Harley, the one before it. Yeah, he had some sort of like adventure bike or what kind of like the trans person had? Mm-hmm.

It looked like he had good tasted motorcycles. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Kyle, good video. Shout out to this Mexican king at Little Caesars for knocking out this bully. That's great. What a different. Yeah, pan lower, pan lower. Okay, can you tell what this is?

This looks like my bike a little. Is this geogessor? This is one. Yeah, what is that bike? Let me. I'm going to put this to the test. Well, he put those mirrors on after the fact. You think that they might be factory mirrors?

I've never seen factory. I've seen those for sale in like accessory catalogs, but I don't know. It doesn't look breakaway to me. So I think they're, I'm going to see. is that a Honda? There's like a pattern on the tank that reminds me of the pattern that's on my tank. It's got like this grippy material

in a certain pattern on the upper tank where your thighs go. That's clearly not his only bike because he was next to Harley in a previous picture. What is that a G5 or GS? Oh, oh yeah, that's a BMWGS. But I don't think it's the 1250.

I think it's one of the smaller ones. It's a good, he has good taste of motorcycles. Look, I'm not saying the guy has no girl. I don't even know. It has no flaws at all. You see those motorcycles. Yeah. The motorcycle is dope.

I like that one. Yeah, I like his bike, too, honestly. That's a pretty nice bike. Well, he had multiple bikes. That's for sale? Yeah, he had a Harley, too. I think he was in $8.50. I bet it's for sale today.

I bet there's, you know, somebody, you know, look into that. I bet you pick it up cheap. They're just like, just like, make a deal, yeah. Yeah. That's, maybe that could be like your new history channel, like, bargain finder you you scoop you swoop in whenever there's been a mass killing or something like that and you buy the psychopath's belongings at a steam i can tell by the mirrors that he probably doesn't ride it off road not only were his uh bark busters not scratched at all but the mirrors

were not like break away that bike tips over once the mirrors break uh it's it all are those the mirrors that come on i think so yeah okay i've never seen those like i mean like i said i've never him like stock on a bike that's a nice bike I'm still I'm still looking at it I'm getting rid of mine this spring I'm not going to ride oh that's fair

yeah I don't want you I don't want you to die after all the marriage shade Kyle can throw Taylor's got a little motorcycle shade in the pocket ready for it I thought of that I used that that's why I said that's fair

yeah I I think I'm like if it's my girlfriend to sell hers too. We've got, she's got a really nice Harley and I've got my sport bike, but we don't ride anymore. We used to ride together, but like we both had like close calls and scares. And it's just like, you pull over and you're like, man, is this, is this hobby worth what just almost happened to me? So she wrote before you met her.

Was she fast for you? Was she like, because you were newer at it? if she was then she didn't like happen like like like you know what I mean like like like she never left me um so like I don't know is the answer I don't know if she could have left me um I use I usually don't go that fast like if we're just cruising I'm going 65 or 75 or something and if we're going through like curves and turns and like just about the same like 55 or so I don't go 120 or anything I don't like go crazy on that thing. I write a lot.

I read pretty well, but I have friends who could drop me and gap me or whatever. And it takes a little discipline to be like, you know what? You're just not as fast. If you try to take that corner at the same speed he did, you'll make it half the time. How do you feel about that? I did the terrible ratio. Most of the practice and training that I did and have done has been slow speed stuff, because that's where I feel like you make embarrassing accidents and like tip yourself over and just lose your balance.

And I wanted to get that out of my system 100%. So I spent tons of times in like parking lot. There was a huge parking lot near me. It was like a Amazon fulfillment center type size building. And I set my cones up out there and do my zigzags and all sorts of figure eight turns and stuff. I didn't want to fall over in front of people at Walmart. That was such a fear of mine. I mean, that's your social circle. You know, wherever I am, you know, grocery store or wherever. Because I like to cruise through like, like, trendy little Atlanta suburb neighborhoods and stuff and just doing sightsy when I'm on the bike. I never have, I never did never have enjoyed going really fast through corners. That's scary to me. Neighborhoods are fun because I feel like you can only go like 25 in most neighborhoods or 30.

Maybe if you're on a bike. Not exactly neighborhoods, but like, Atlanta around like trendy restaurants and like these little back alley places and stuff. I just want to cruise around and I like the sightseeing part of writing more than the like adrenaline rush of writing and taking corners fast and stuff. Definitely. I would probably enjoy doing like a long cruise, but my back starts hurting after an hour. Like if I've been on a thing, hunch of a thing for an hour, my back starts hurting.

That sucks. You'd like it as my passenger. On that gold wing, you got back. You got armrest Put some good tunes on Be cool Have you ever seen the Like I don't know if they do competitions

But I've seen like I've seen like police officers Doing the the certification test They're very good Yeah So good Taylor To be like a motorcycle cop I don't know

Probably especially so in bigger districts Like if you're doing it in New York or L.A. or something They go through this rigorous training course That looks really It's almost like watching dogs doing a jildy run you're like, wow, look at them go. Like they're doing really difficult stuff with a big fucking bike. You know, that's what makes it so difficult or seemingly so difficult.

Like the way they'll turn that thing around. Even we did something similar when you take your like test, you take your motorcycle drivers test for your license. But this is like more of a competition. It's pretty cool. What are they riding? Like what kind of motorcycle are the cops riding? Almost exclusively Harleys.

And one of the models, is I guess really good at that. Like it looks like it'd be big and heavy and hard to control, but I guess they're like, no, this is the one you want. It's great at it. I still think a dual sport or something would be easier

because it's lighter and it also turns well. But maybe Zach can find a little footage of the motorcycle, like cop competitions and just show what they do. I don't know if you need to ride to appreciate it, but they're just so good. And when they do it like the cones, the steering wheels at full lock, which in itself is kind of hard to do.

like because you sort of lose balance. And, and they're missing the cones by a centimeter time and time again at speed. And I'm like, wow, they're just like, I don't know. Sometimes I get to thinking like I'm pretty good and pretty competent.

And then I see shit like this. And I'm like, oh, well, I'm not that competent. Jesus Christ. Is that a Harley? I can't tell for sure,

but I bet it is. I think it is. Yeah. You know, this didn't look that hard, but I bet I would have a lot of upturned cones. By the end of trying this. Yeah, it's hard.

It's very hard. You've got to learn where those wheels are, like where the tires are. And like how much those slow speed turns are difficult. We had a bunch of them. We were taking the test. Could you guys? If you guys were presented that exact obstacle course,

do you think you both could do it on that bike for sure. No, no, on your bikes, on your bikes. I could definitely do it. I did I take the tone of two? Like what he was doing right there. Like I don't like what I've linked there. Like what we just watched. I could do that.

I'd knock some cones over here and there though. It wouldn't be perfect. But but I would make it. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't embarrass myself. And what do you think you could do at no cones? Knocked over. Not first try.

Yeah. But especially if you're like, Woody, in 30 minutes you need to be able to do this. I think I could get it. I practiced that at the end of every ride. And I don't often feel like it. But I'm like,

no. If you don't do this every ride, you'll lose the skill. And I have like a route I do on the way home. If you guys had to use that Harley he's on, do you think you could do it after maybe 15, whatever minute? I'm watching the second video I linked of a guy on a black motorcycle. I can't identify motorcycles.

It's probably Harley. His is very low to the ground, which I think with the motorcycle I got my license on was like a 250 Honda, and you were so low to the ground. To me, it felt like I had a lot more controller. whatever what I was doing. My bike sits up very high. Like this,

that looks like an easy bike to ride to me. Like, that looks a lot like what I learned on as far as like how low, low to the ground it is. This is scraping with every one of these turns. Yeah. I swear I hear it. Yeah, he's got.

Yeah. I mean, he's just at full lock scraping that bike on the ground. Look, this guy. What a beat. Oh, that's, all right. That last little bit is some impressive shit. Those certain teams.

He goes fast too. If there's a straightaway that's a couple of feet, you could see like the weight coming off the front wheel as he's hitting the throttle. I can't do what this guy just did. I just want to make that clear. Oh, these? Like, let's see what it.

Okay, I could do this. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say like these turns I would do well. Yeah. But there's some other ones where I'm just really. When he was, some of those serpentines were so tight. This one. Okay, all right.

That's okay. Okay. So he just, that's another level up in difficulty, the way he's serpentined there and like held that long left. You know what else I would struggle with? Just memorizing the course. It's not where I'm supposed to be going. That was my biggest problem when I was doing, I was like, are y'all really like memorizing this right away? Because I don't remember what comes next.

I'm like reacting to the course as I go. I couldn't memorize it. You couldn't remember that? I can't tell if you get that's really hard to me that was so it's all orange cones and when you're on the bike you're not you're point of the structure of the cones around it very evidently shows which ones you're supposed to go around and so you react because he would like go into an opening with a barrel

do a loop around the barrel then I didn't even know where the exit was supposed to be to the next spot I would get into like I was like I don't know what what's next I don't know where you want me to go from here Like I could go there, I could go here. I could see that. It's easy in the moment watching to be like this seems structurally sound and easy. We like split the course up, the final test. We like split it up into maybe five segments.

And then we trained those segments individually. And then like, all of it together. And it's like, oh, wait a minute now. My test might have been easier than yours. I took it a long time ago in New Jersey when I was 17. And it was like, you need to go this fast. Dodge this paint stripe and like you can go right or left, but you have to land over here. And then they'd be like, okay, you did that.

And now you need to do serpentine. And then I think that it did a U-turn. But it was literally two by four. We didn't do that. I don't think we ran over a two-by-four. But like we do a serpentine, then a U-turn, can't touch the ground the whole time. Hard break. And like full tire drag.

Yeah. Yeah. So I did it on a sport bike. So some of the things like go fast, dodge, break fast, fast. enough, we're totally easy on that bike. Other things like the serpentine, I don't know if it was my skill or the bike, but that was the hardest one for me. My arms were getting tired.

There was so much like, like with those serpentines and stuff, and I don't know what I was doing. I liked the bike that we trained on. I felt like it was perfect. Oh, they don't make you use your own bike? I didn't have a bike at the time. Okay. Or I don't think I did.

Oh, maybe I did. It's hard. So you trained? Did you take a motorcycle safety foundation course? Is that what you're talking about? It was all the same thing. Like, I think it was all the same thing. This has been five years ago now.

But we did like class, we did bookwork, which he kept really, we did like an hour of bookwork and maybe maybe 10 hours on the bike, like outside, maybe more. It was two days of riding all day from morning to late afternoon. I think you took an MSF horse, which is a great way to get your license. They basically train you. and if you pass it at the end, you get a license. The other way is to go to the DMV, and then they just take you on a really small road course. Oh, that's what I did.

I definitely took an MSF course. Yeah. Okay. It's because it was two days with an instructor, and maybe there's like eight or ten students. Two of the students didn't come back on the second day. They were scared. They were these two, like, Puerto Rican brothers.

They were freaked the fuck out. They dropped their, when I dropped his bike and was like, just looked like he didn't cry, but he was close to crying. And it was. Man, I don't know. I don't even care. this is fucking gay dude but we did a bunch of it we did um there was like a course like like that thing we just saw there where there was up lots of fucking figure eights and tight turns and zigzags and stuff and that was like part of the test but then there was also like all those individual things like you described one of them was if there's a two by four in the road like how to take that like how to ride over it what it feels like just stopping as fast as you could there was the one where you divering divert away from something and don't hit it that was in your way.

Wait, is that something a motorcyclist can do? There's just an unexpected, like you're on the highway, there's a two by four there. You hit it. You can get over that. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nothing. Two by four is not a bit. You barely feel, I mean, you barely feel a two by four.

It's not going to throw you off or anything. I picture him as so much more erratic than that. No, not with a two by four. And, you know. I mean, that's a, that's a two by four. two inch thing laying flat that is in your path like I would imagine that being a huge problem for a bike I guess not no I barely felt it and it was good to know that because if you didn't know that and you've never done it before you might freak out of it every two by four and kill yourself

rather than just riding over it yeah hmm huh well I'm glad you're getting off the the motorcycle train I like you alive that you know seems like motorcyclists tend to tend to pass away a little earlier What should I buy next? What's it? You know, I'm going to have... You know what I was thinking? A boat. I was saying a bow.

I was thinking a bow. A bow? I think of a getting an archery. Get a real recurve bow. See, if I get a real recurve bow, the beginning and end of my, like, archery is going to be targets at best. But if I get a compound bow, then the beginning and end of it can be, Bear hunts, elk hunts, like going out west and shooting pigs and wild game.

You can get both. Not with a recur. You get a recurve for a fun target plinker and then a compound for the hunting? You wouldn't want to be switching bows. I went to chat, GPT. What's a fun hobby for a healthy 40-year-old to try? Number one, adventure motorcycling. Number two, Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

number three archery number four competitive shooting sports mountain biking instrument indoor rock climbing um woodworking backpacking pickle ball pickle ball

I've done like 90% of those you could take up the fucking oboe or something I would learn the guitar if anything but I've done that before and it hurts my fingers I don't care for it it makes your fingies hurt yeah it makes my fingies hurt

I don't want to have to build up calluses on my fingies to be to be good at the skill that's fair if you if this hobby doesn't come with gloves I'm not interested yeah I wouldn't want a bunch of does archery come with gloves I only if you're shooting a recur bow like a pussy wait I thought re-cur bows were the tough ones recurred bows are the hard ones root girl bro are for

they're not modern bows and they're made for target shooting and being silly with I know people have killed I knew a guy who killed the deer with a recurve bow but it's just not I want a high performance 400 foot per second bow that I can kill an elk with at 45 yards. You need an extremely strong upper back to hold it. Like an hold an 80 pound. Oh yeah, I can't hold 80 pounds for suspended amounts of time. You clearly can't because you're afraid of these deer running away.

We're going to see who can hold 80 pounds. We've got to pack out this mule deer that I took down outside Tacoma, Washington. Okay. We're going to be hiking through big, cat territory with 800 pounds of elk on our backs, okay? I'd be like mad at you. I'd be like, you sort of a bitch, why'd you have to kill this thing? Why do you shoot the little one?

No, that would be fun. I would love to go on a like an archery hunting trip, especially since I know you've never done it at all. Because like, like, I've done a bowhunt. I've done a lot. I've done a lot of thrilling things. And I like to, I enjoy things that are like two parts scary and eight parts thrilling. Like I'm okay with that.

Like things that was like, oh, we might die. Oh, we made it. Okay, good. But like bow hunting is one of the most extreme adrenaline dumps I've ever experienced in my life. There's so much like prep and practice and preparation. Your soap is a certain kind of soap. You know, you're in a deer stand. You're in a tree.

You've been waiting in his tree 30 feet in the air all morning. And there he is. This is the moment of truth. And he'll see you and hear you so easily. It's not like rifle hunting where you're shooting him from a lot. a hundred, sometimes five, six, seven hundred yards away. You could talk out loud. Like, there he is.

Right there. You see that deer right there? He doesn't even know. Watch this shit. I'll give him a warning shot. Watch this. They stop after 50 yards. Like, it's child's play.

Yeah. It's not exciting at all unless you actually found a big one you've been hunting for. Have you seen those compound bows that shoot steel ball bearings? Yes. I'm not an expert. And there's probably some reason they're not cool, but they look dope to me. Was that a pinball shooting a bow shooting a ball bearing? Yeah, you've got a magazine of balls that fall into a tube

And the tube has a plunger that's powered by the mechanism of the bow and arrow The plunger hits the ball bearing in the back and drives it forward at great speeds I thought I may have seen like a crossbow that did it Or maybe it was a compound bow like what he said It's been a mill deer with that No It doesn't sound like it. It's more like target shooting and plinking

Can you show this link, Sack? Yeah, there it is. Oh, look at that bow site. He's got on there, that camera site. He's got like an optical digital site, like an LCD lens. I've never seen that before. That's so cool. This barely looks like a bow anymore.

That is a very cool thing he has. I've never seen this exactly. And that site, that optic he's got is, it's like a video readout as your optic. And I've never seen that. Nifty. I wonder how fast it launches that ball. 300 feet per second. 300 feet per second.

I was going to guess the same. Not fast enough. Maybe less, because that string is really, it really looks like a very small amount of power. I can't quite understand how the mechanism is working that's driving the ball. Oh, the ball's in there like a sling. I've seen that. This one on Amazon claims 330 feet per second.

Okay. I don't know. This seems you guess is pretty good. Maybe 330 feet per second when you go from advertising to real life, it's about 300. How fast would a ball bearing have to go to like pierce human skin? This is a self-defense bow? I like where your head is. I was just curious.

Yeah. So like the slowest of bullets are going around 750 feet per second. Like something around like that. Obviously, they start slowing down as soon as they come out of the barrel. So you really need to be up there around 700 to not be down to 4 or 500 by the time it gets there. Shotgun shells are usually around 1,100 to 1,300 feet per second. AR-15s are like 2,800 feet per second. Some high-powered and specialty target rifles that you've loaded your own ammo for

and maybe push the boundaries of what you can buy and sell could be up around 4,000 feet per second. At higher than 4,000 feet per second, I've had bullets disintegrate from the air. Wow. In the air, they disintegrated. That's incredibly fast. So if one of these guys with his goofy setup shot you from 50 yards away

and it like hit you in the shoulder blade with his ball bearing, that would be a situation where you'd be like, fuck you. Yeah. You wouldn't be like harmed in a real way. You would just have a horrible bruise and be furious at him, right?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. How fast does a paintball go? About 300. 280 is the field limit at most places. Like when we play at my place, we put them around 330 or something like that. There's a huge difference between 280 and 330.

All of a sudden, instead of a looping arc, it's like you're dialing them in there. They're going where you want in a straight line. Seems like you make a paintball a ball bar. it could stick in the skin. Yeah. I know some of those people stick in the skin because Kyle...

The smaller, the more likely it will. With, you shot me in the hand with that like finned round. Yeah. The first right. And that did cut my hand up pretty decent. And I watched the video where he's like,

I'm going to shoot Margarterik in the hand. And then I was like, ah, fuck. I was like, I was like, I'm going to play up. the reaction and then there was more blood than I thought there would be. We sold a lot of those after that. They were like, I had all the YouTubers. See me find that video, Zach. It's on, it's on one of my FPS Russia channels, but it's called like YouTuber target practice or like Apex Legends. Apex Legends is the

paintball event. Apex Legends FPS Russia target practice or something. But I've got all the YouTubers out there and I'm shooting them with my new paintball gun, my die damn or whatever. And I'm like, I'm going to shoot Merker in the hand. And I shot him right in the hand. It was, it was perfect. It was perfect. The comments were like, my God, he said. Oh, my God, he called his shot.

In the meaty part of my left. All my friends, is Russia again, and it's pretty nice here in Chicago. It's snowing almost like, oh, I got a pet ball kitty here. And out there, I have some new on targets. And you might know this. at the end we have a real clown we actually get clown in to shoot I don't remember is that chish in the lounge who is that no it's a jill I don't remember I'm going to fuck his there oh okay well this isn't

even this isn't even the first guy got this is just a paintball gun I don't know why we're even doing this this is just for funzies I guess yeah that's one's not forget to the neck this one I shot him in the neck I remember He was all fucked up. Oh, he got really bruised. Yeah, I shot him right in the neck. Like in that moment, like, you know, FTS Rush was like, all right, I shot him in the neck. That's enough for him.

But in real life, I'm like, oh no, I shot him right in the neck. Right in the head. I got him right in the head. All right, what do we do next? Do we do the clown? Psychopath. The asses shot me. Get the guy in the yellow, the green.

What do we get the clown first? Okay, get the clown first. All right, I feel bad. You can hear of hitting it. He took it like a man. This is one the right one. It doesn't matter. We got to find the first strike.

Dude, there's only a few more minutes, but I have a politics thing that's not politics. Oh. Donald Trump. Truth. Based on the tremendous interest shown, I will be directing the Secretary of War in other relevant agencies to begin the process of identifying and releasing government files related to alien and extraterrestrial life, unidentified aerial phenomena, and unidentified flying objects and any other information connected to these highly complex, but extremely interesting

and important matters. God bless America. All right. So what happened was, I'll give you the timeline quickly since we're short on time. Obama was doing a podcast interview type thing and there was a lightning around and they said, are aliens real? And he said, yes, but I've never seen them. And they're not buried under the ground at Area 51 or whatever it's called. Unless they're hiding from the president. And what he meant was that sure, in the vastness of the universe, there are surely aliens, but I've never met them and they've never been here as far as I know. That was essentially his answer, but they read it wrong and he had to come back and clarify that later on. And then Trump reacts to that by saying that's classified

information. He's not allowed to release that. He's not allowed to talk about that. And they're like, so you're saying there is information? I'm not saying anything of the sort. You know, I'm more concerned with illegal aliens. And, but sir, if it's classified information about aliens that he's releasing.

I'm not really going to talk about that. I'm just saying he shouldn't have said that. He's in big trouble. We'll see what happens with all that. And sort of threatened Obama. The law fair threat. Nothing because he's a lot of. day pussy. Yeah, nothing. Of course. So I'm sure, like, he got tons of people and saw that there was tons of interest in this.

All we're going to release is that we've seen stuff that we don't know what it is. We have definitely not met little green men. There are no little green men. If that, if all of that is anything, it's way more likely that it's like time travelers that are humans coming back for some reason here than aliens from another fucking star. How do you possibly say it's more likely? Because there's no way there are aliens coming here from a star system far away. Why would an alien coming here be less likely than a convoluted time trial or time travel thing? That's what I believe, Taylor. That's what I choose to believe.

I'm fine with that. I think that those are future humans coming back to our time with their advanced technology. and I think maybe they live in the or if it's not that I also have an inkling that it might be indicators if they like if time travel existed you would see indicators right

would what kind of indicators what do you think you would see you would see people coming back people would come back and attempt to change what if they're coming back from a hundred thousand years in the future to like you know just just do a little historic viewing or maybe I don't think that's realistic

They would want to change things in a big way, right? Why? How do you know that things didn't go splendidly? I mean, who's to say? Maybe things go splendidly. If there's time travels, then there are huge laws. If there is time travel somewhere in the far future, one of two things is true.

Either there is no time travel, because we've never seen a fucking time traveler. Or time travel is so tightly regulated that they can't reveal themselves. They can't alter it. If they altered history, we wouldn't know it, just so we're clear. Like, if they went back and, like, maybe Lincoln wasn't supposed to die. And made the Bruins win when the 2019 Stanley Cup.

You wouldn't know it. Like, maybe they went back and made the Blues win, and we wouldn't know. It would just have changed. They won from grit. So either one or two of those things are true. I also like the theory that it's people living down in the bottom of the ocean, maybe some sort of like others intelligent species, either from this planet or from another, that's taken up shop down in our oceans

and they're like popping up to take a look around every now and then the same way we explore the deeps with little submersible autonomous things that go down, the little robots, maybe they do the same with the top side, you know, because you would imagine if they are some sort of people who live down there under those depths

and they're like blobfish, if they come up here and get decompressed, they get all blobby, so they'd have to send little unmanned probes. And so that could be the unmanned aerial aerial phenomenon or the unidentified aerial phenomenon, Arab phenomenon that they're always seeing. I don't know.

It seems like an underwater civilization would be inherently limited due to the fact that like they can't properly utilize things like. I didn't say they evolved under the water. I say they live under the water, whether to hide from us or because they prefer it or something else. Maybe they're in like some sort of atmospheric condition they've created down there. Like you ever see the movie The Abyss? That's what it's out.

Yes, I have. Maybe it's an abyss scenario. It's tremendous. It seems. James Cameron is a visionary. that we never cracked time as a concept than it is that like all the time travelers in the future came back and like made retarded little changes.

Well, another thing that is, so think about it this way. Like you would imagine a time travel device is probably a very expensive mechanism, you know, since we can't even imagine how... Initially, but it's probably eventually like a microwave. Well, you say that, but like maybe it's more like a space shuttle in that only like one country at one period of time

could blow enough money to have a space shuttle. And they didn't go up, they didn't do on a lot of trips because each trip was crazy expensive. But that doesn't work in the type travel argument because it would like the same way India has shit in space now. Like they didn't have fucking anything. They were all like pooping.

Not manned missions. They were all fucking with that river for millions of years. You build a rocket to get up there if we want to, if we had the materials. But a manned mission up there is a different scenario. Anyway, I like that. like that they live under the sea, but what I just can't

believe is real is that there's some kind of, that they're coming here from another star system. I just don't believe that. I don't see why that's less realistic than the distances are so far. Whenever they, I wish you could remember.

They were talking about the other day, the Voyager probe is like, I think now it's technically the second fastest thing we've ever created. I think it's going 75,000 kilometers it's not per second per hour we shouldn't be able to count stuff going that fast once it's no longer

useful we should only be able it radios information back on a oh that one still does what's the one that like went so fast eventually that we lost it like this is that one it has come and gone because it's using like 1970s tech it has lost contact before and some of the systems on it have failed but voyager's still going anyway

I think it has to travel for like 50,000 years or something to get to the next star system. And it's not heading to the next star system. And it's the fastest thing we've ever done. There's also some probe we sent to the sun. It went a little bit faster. But for the sake of argument, this is one of the fastest things we've ever done.

So we're minimum. Let's assume we get way better at this. We're minimum like 25,000 years from even... The nearest... I think the nearest star system is four and a half or five light years away. If we went 10% the speed of light, which is 18,000. miles per second, 180, 18,600 miles per second. If we could figure that out and we can't,

it would still take a 10th, 55 years to get there, a whole human lifetime. And there's nothing there. That's not one of the good ones. Well, the star systems that we found or think we found Earth-like planets that maybe could support life, even though most of them are, way too fucking big, the gravity's too high, those are like 500 light years away and a thousand light years away, shit like that. So it's, even if you were going at the speed of light, it's way too far to go to. You need that space folding technology from like deep sci-fi. You need that like Warhammer 40K technology or that Star Wars technology where they go to hyperspace. Some made up wave your hand and we'll go to another planet type shit.

It's never going to happen. Wormholes. Nobody's going anywhere. That stinks. We're never going to get to see that. No. We're never going to another planet. We won't even see Mars and the moon get colonized.

If we go to another planet, it'll be some sort of like crazy scenario where we take embryos on a spaceship with an ion drive and point it on a 10,000 year journey and an AI has to like, crap, make the embryos like become loose. little people and educate them on the starship and they get born 10,000 years from now in orbit of a maybe it's okay planet, but probably not. And so we're going to have to send

dozens, if not hundreds of people to their likely like that. Why would we even care? Elon says we'll be putting cities on the moon in less than 10 years. The moon sucks. Elon's a pedophile, Woody. The moon is

is gay and it stinks. no one wants to hang out on the moon like why would we even want a moon base when now they're talking about Mars the worst argument ever you're like you know what

we're going to Mars the moon one it's gay and two it stinks well I was I was thinking about the ding moon base but then a a podcaster I respect said that it was gay

and I don't and I don't like it the moon has helium three which is the the the the, the, the mcuffin, uh, that isn't a, a mcuffin. It's a real thing from the, um, not the expanse, but, um, yeah, what is the one? The Amazon one for all mankind. For all mankind. It's, they're on the moon harvesting helium three. It's, it's going to be important for fusion energy if we ever crack fusion energy. And it's in great quantities on the moon, just ready to get. It's also the, what in moon, the movie with, um,

great movie with, uh, that's what he's there for. He's like, um, Sam Rockwell. Sam Rockwell is amazing. I know we're at the end, but I want to give you a movie recommendation. I love Moon. It's great. It's a Missouri movie. Oh. Is it that like so-and-so near a billboard or whatever the fuck?

Yes. It's three billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri. That's the title of the movie. The premise is that this woman's daughter is raped and murdered, and the police, you don't see any of that. It's like that happened in the near past, and we're dealing with the ramifications. in the aftermath. She's very upset about it, as you might imagine. And the police department has either drug its feet.

Woody Harrelson and Sam Rockwell are the chief and police officer. Okay. Love both of those guys. They're great. They both do really good jobs. And I think Tony Colette, Tony Collette is the offended mother. And she basically buys a year's worth of three billboard space that says something like raped and murdered

left to die what's taken so long Chief Brody or whatever his name is like basically shaming the police department into looking into her daughter's rape murder. Damn. I liked it a lot.

I had never seen it. Yeah. Everything about it. As a film, not that you enjoyed the horror. As a film, it's tremendous. Like just as a movie,

it's really good. All the acting is good. There are a lot of fun moments. despite the subject matter. You really, you're going to love the bad bitch that is the offended mother. She doesn't take shit from anybody and she's, she's just so mad and sad and through with life that like she's not taking any bullshit from anybody.

It's got a fucking Tyrion Lannister, that little fellow, what's his name? Peter Dinklage. Peter Dinklage. He's in there. He's funny. We don't have a lot of midges here. So I'm glad he popped in. He's pretty good.

I thought it was a really, really good movie. A little bit of a downer, you know, a little bit of a downer. But I'm glad I watched it. I definitely recommend it. I'll check it out. Three billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri. I don't think that's a real town here. But have you seen the other Missouri show?

I'm getting served ads for it on Amazon all the time. Or maybe it's Hulu. DTF, St. Louis? Yeah, DTF. Have you seen the? These ads, like I'm getting, I'm getting served ads for DTF St. Louis, which is some show they're making about, I guess there were a bunch of freaks, these swingers in St. Louis a while ago. I was telling Kyle, Kyle was like, oh, I found a good Missouri-based movie. A darkly comedic tale.

And I've been getting ads for something called DTF St. Louis. And it has Jason Bateman, David Harbour, Pedro Pascal. Like, it has big actors. Oh, I haven't seen Pedro in anything in so long. He's been, you know, he's actually been in a lot of things, by the way. Oh, I must have missed out on everything ever that comes out all the time. But the only thing that jumps out to me about DTF St. Louis, which is a dark comedy one season on Amazon or some shit, is Jason Bateman. I love Jason.

He's my boy. He's good. I like him too. It comes on the first. Apparently, it's a dark comedy about. three guys involved in a love triangle that leads to one's demise. Okay, I'll watch that. Sure. Why'd they pick our city?

What, St. Louis? Yeah. If it's like a, if it's making it all look at. Was it filmed in St. Louis? No, I would imagine everything's either filmed in California or Georgia. So I would imagine, I mean, the most similar atmosphere to St. Louis would be Georgia in that way. Very foresty, very hilly. Dude, you called it.

It's filmed in the Atlanta metro area specifically on the north metro locations. Well, then a hilly forested area in Georgia looks just like St. Louis does. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they film a ton of stuff here. I see film crews all the time. Like, you never know what they're doing.

If they're doing a new Marvel movie or just some indie film, all that stuff films here. Well, I'm only going to watch this if it's good. Not going to be right. Well, three billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri is very good. Highly recommend that. Also, that show on Amazon Goliath with Billy Bob Thornton. I got through the whole first season of that. I'd give that like a seven out of ten. It's pretty fucking good. You're still recommending

or are you saying no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's like I said, like a seven out of ten on the Kyle scale. I thought it was, Billy Bob does a good job. This is like 10 years ago, so he's still young enough and then like spry enough that he doesn't look pitiful. He looks pitiful and landman. He's getting old. I've seen screenshots him. from that. He does look very, very old, which is fair. Like he is old. That's fine. 71, I think. Yeah. That's the way it goes. All right. Well, I'll watch this. All right. Check out our sponsors. Thank you, Dick, hard and juicy. P.K.A. 792.