Painkiller Already - PKA 795 W/ King Trout: The Drinking Episode

Episode Date: March 14, 2026

The boys did a special drinking episode. This is going to get rude.

PKK 795. We've switched over to Spotify. They'll still be on YouTube if that's where you watch it. But try to make this a special episode. So it's a drinking night. King Trout is our guest, Taylor. This episode of PKK is brought you by Blue Chew. Also brought to you by Lock and Load and our wonderful merch.

First drinking episode in like where we all got our drinking and like, how long's it been? Eight years, seven years, something like that? Not that long. Too soon. It was pre-COVID. COVID wasn't a thing. it's hard to remember probably because of how much drinking we did but I feel like we did one around the pandemic like maybe five years ago and then swore them off forever and then we

decided to do the Spotify thing got that opportunity and I was like you know everybody likes a drinking episode and Woody was what he had this reaction he's like how damn it you're right right. Dude, the vibes pre-show between Woody and Trout could not have been a greater chasm. Trout's like dressed like McElmore. Like, I'm ready to crush all of you combined. And Woody's sitting there like he's at about to get a root canal. 20 minutes, you, I was giving myself a pep talk.

I'm like, Woody, four hours will happen. It'll happen. I promise you you'll make it to the end somehow. It'll get done. But that's where I am now. I don't know how I'm going to do this next four hours. I'm fucking toast. I delivered on the Voodoo Ranger.

We have that. Nice. And then I went to the ABC store. They didn't even sell it. I don't know how this shit works. I never buy drinks. No, I sold a drink. And I'm like, I don't drink.

I'm asking for advice from the staff there. And I'm like, but I need to buy alcohol. I'm like, okay, well, what does everyone like? I'm like, you're not getting it. It's for me. It's for me. I want something that I might like. And they're like, okay, well, what do you like?

Could you be less helpful here? I don't know. What would you give a high school girl? You asked that. We have Pink Whitney. It's a vodka drink of some sort. It tastes like a melted popsicle. What's the percentage of alcohol by volume?

35%. I think it's 30, so it's 60 proof. That's a lot to me. That's a lot to all of us. The rest of us are drinking Coors Bankees, which are 5%. You guys have the poor people cans. I have the King bottles. to luxurious bottles.

I don't know what I'm doing. That's a lot. So a two-ounce shot of that equals one of our beers. Okay. No, but he can just mix it with something else. He can have Jackie bring in lemonade. Actually, I bet. Is that what you do?

Yeah. Maybe I'm the one here who gets heartburn and acid reflux, but the idea of mixing that with lemonade. It's already lemonade. What would you mix it with trout? You're the most experienced drink. Probably like Sprite. I'm fucking.

I don't have. We might have ginger ale in my house. We don't have soda in my house, but ginger ale is not soda. Gingerail is medicine. We keep it on stock. That's true. That's true. I got to get my baseline.

I haven't had a beverage yet today, and that is shocking for me. So let me say. I also went, like last night, Taylor mentioned it, but I'm right near the Amazon fulfillment center. Like overnight got my, uh, Rethylizer here. I'm looking forward to playing with that. 30 bucks. You can't beat that. I think 23 with the coupon.

Because if it says anything but zero, you know you got screwed. You got hosed with a bad one. Zero, baby. All right. Shaky hands. Mine's warming up. It needs 10 seconds. That's a thing. Head had a drop all day.

Well, I mean, I had one at noon, but that was just to get me through. Getting is starting. I'm starting too. Are you? I'm stalling. All right. It's because I wasn't thinking that competitively with it. And then Kyle in our group chat yesterday was saying like, Taylor, there is zero percent chance you're going to drink more Coors banquets than me. I can out drink you.

And I was like, you know what? That's not that offensive. He's boosted himself up. I say I can drink more than him. That's healthy competition. What pissed me off was what you said afterward, Kyle, where you said that in any non-crab leg competition, you would beat me in an eating off. And that's absurd. I would thrash.

I'm the lillian burger champion of Joliet Illinois. I've eaten pounds and pounds of food at sittings. You had half a burger. I've been kicked out of red lobsters, all right? I just don't want to hear it. Yeah, but that's because you were rude. I call them like I see them. She was some kind of, look, I just think you don't stand a chance.

Look, if we were doing a crab eating competition, I know you can shell those things really well. It's very impressive. anything else you're just gonna get left in the dust I've had two you've had two since we've been sitting here I went to an all you can eat Brazilian steakhouse with Kyle and I fucking smoked him and he's like you're the only one competing I'm like bro everything that was weird I will try this voodoo ranger yeah you're gonna know the moment everybody's been waiting for what and what does what does peanut say so so he he he he loves

He says it's the perfect trifecta in an alcoholic drink. It's price, its taste, and alcohol content. He claims that it hits on all three legs of the stool, whereas anyone else like vodka drinks, for example, the price is out of whack. The alcohol and the taste is there, but not the price. It's Voodoo Rangers that he feels that he can drink all day, every day, every night. It would seem.

So, does it say the percentage on the front? It does. 11.9.5%. Oh my God. That's okay. Let's see if you like it. No. Now on a scale of zero to 10, where's that coming in?

You guys prepared me for something that was worse than it is. It's not so bad. It's not so much different than a beer, although it's been 15 years since I've had a beer, I don't know. That's crazy. I really thought it probably is good. we talked up how bad it was because I thought you were going to like immediately say no and like quit that. I think there's an arc Raiders dude in the can kind of Kyle arc raiders vibes you're getting it? A little bit with a helmet yeah yeah so uh so yesterday uh trout thanks again for stepping up um we were DMing on on Twitter and talking about the drinking episode and it's just like 4 p.m on a Wednesday and trout starts like talking like, oh, yeah, I'm, you know, is it a big time competition? Because I'm going to crush

you guys. And I'm like, well, you know, I'm, I'm really kind of in this against Kyle more than you. He's got in for second place. He's like, that's interesting because here's my BAC right now. 4 p.m. Wednesday, he's 0.10. And then a couple hours later, you sent me another picture where you're like, feeling good. Point two. Oh, yeah. This is a picture I posted, King of the Road. It's like AI of me jacked and my, my BAC up on it. And I was like, about to go hit the roads go for a cruise wait Kyle you got three three no hands oh he just you just oh this is yeah because I'm starting my third as well oh man you're going faster than I thought dude damn I say I know I said it before we got started but excuse me there's

gonna be a lot of burping I apologize and pissing um every episode of PKK I've been on has been a drinking episode for me like the I always have a case of high noon's sitting next to me and I've drank at least 12 highnoons every episode I was on. The last one I was on when you were on your honeymoon with Goblin. I had four vodka sodas before I came on and then drank 14 high noons over the course of the episode. And the only I rewatched it because I was like, I don't remember the end. And I did a little bit about Daniel Day Lewis. And I kept fucking up saying Bill the butcher.

I was like, bitch the biller. And that was really the only time I stumbled over my words. Other than that, I think I held together pretty all right. Yeah. I mean, that's a tremendous amount to be starting off with four vodka sodas and then having 14 beers. It's the same thing as a beer, a high noon. That's what I told Woody to get.

Those high noons, I genuinely think if Woody had a high noon, he would, it would be the closest to liking a drink with alcohol in it than anything he's ever had because there's no aftertaste. I'd say that's like my cruising booze. It's just like gentle. I used to drink beer when I was poor, but now I can afford high noon, so. Hell yeah. They are expensive, though.

I've got some of those in my fridge as well, maybe all. Or I guess I can't. I have to stick with the banquets. I purposely didn't look up how many calories these are because it's already a total loss. Fuck you. Yeah. It's like, it's a total loss of a day because, you know how yesterday I was saying in our chat?

My plan was to eat a tremendous amount of food all day to soak up the alcohol. Well, how'd you do? At some point throughout today, it became less about preparing for the drinking episode and more of like it's I have a blank check. And so like I had, I had the biggest plate they serve you at Panda Express of orange chicken and fried rice. I had a pizza in my oven. I had I made pretzels before this and I had three of those. I had a bag of peanut M&Ms. What the fuck?

I had. You were just using this as an excuse to binge eat. Yes. It was literally like 30 minutes ago. And I was sitting like on my couch and I'm like doing those like really full exhales. And I'm like, oh, you've overdone it. Like this is probably not. But that's okay because of all my binge eating over the years throughout my adult life.

My stomach expands like Suzuki, Kawasaki or whatever that guy's name. Hell yeah. I got a question. Do you guys know anything about this like CBD for hangar? business. It came as a freebie in some gummy purchase that I made and it just sat there

because I don't drink in the drawer for ages and ages but Jackie's like, we have CBDs better for hangovers, we should have it. And I don't know when to have it. Do I have it now at the start? Do I have it in the morning? If I even, I look at the instructions, it says just consume daily. Like, what am I? Brian

fucking riso? Do I look like you only use me blade? It seems like Trout. You're going to have to walk us through that. What is the best hangover cure? The best hangover here? To continue drinking, I've maintained that for the past. Well, I'm 32 now, so 14 years. Okay, so you just, you just get through it until the next drink and then. Yeah, essentially. No, really like, fucking fast food, dude. Like, if I, if I'm actually hungover, which I really only get hangovers off of, like, wine, just disgusting McDonald's breakfast food, like the sausage and egg McMuffin. Just the greasiest, grossest shit that makes you want to throw up on a normal day.

This is your advice? Yeah, I'm dead serious. Food is what you want. Yeah. Like high sodium, high potassium, high, like you want electrolytes and food. I'll order like two of the sausage and egg McMuffins and then get through like half of one and want to vomit and then just lay on the couch for a couple hours. Bounce right back. I don't know if it's bounce right back. You have a couple hours. We don't have real jobs. It doesn't matter. I used to work construction. I'd have to be hung over at work. That was miserable. You ever been in a 120 degree attic after a long night of drinking and you go to bed at 2 a.m.?

That shit sucks. That sounds horrible. Speaking of which, did you finish future president Brandon Herrera's bathroom yet? This came up last episode. The current estimated completion time is 2037. I'll have it done by. No, I was just thinking about that earlier today because I was like, I know this shit's going to come up. I'm just going to hire somebody to,

finish the job for me. Stop contracting. Yeah. I'm, yeah, stopping it out. You're a general contract. You've been promoted.

Well, well done. Yeah. Well, originally I started everything because I was filming it and I was going to start this new show where, like I was recording the process and then I got to the stopping point. Yeah,

when I abandoned it and then came back and I'm like, I gave up on that show idea. I've got a million other things going on right now. And so it's just sat there. He's never. fucking home. So he travels so much. He's about to be in Washington a shitload more. And yeah, I was like, I'll just, I'll sub it. I get it. You're busy. You got that hit song Thrift Shop cooking on the airwaves. Yeah, from 2010. When I was in the fourth grade, I thought I was gay and I still do now.

I remember that song. Yeah. It's a classic. A bang. Yeah, he cleans his room, so he thinks he's gay. Just to clarify, Zach, are you upping their points when they open a new one? Yes. This is, I'm on my third. I've finished three. That ties in.

I'm afraid of my first. You only have 15 and a half more ounces to go, Woody. I've finished three, and this is my fourth. And so my number. I'm not falling behind. I'm right there with the gang. I'm turning them upside down to show that I'm done. And then I'm just going to have to mop up the floor.

Oh, shit. There's an extension court down there. What conspiracy is that behind you? Or is that just? All of them. All of them. Well done. We got the Kennedy assassination next to the Lochness monster.

There was a birthday girl sticker that I, oh, you can't see that on the camera that I stole from a girl at a bar one time. What do we got? the execution of Joan of Arc. We got aliens. All connect. It all helicopter company. It all ties together.

It's really quite simple. I was watching that show that Kyle recommended JFK, Stephen King. What is it? 11, 1223. 2263. And I'm like getting annoyed watching it. Because I'm imagining all the fun stuff

that you could do if you could go back from 2016 to the 60s, like, it's almost a foregone conclusion that that old man is like, I'm obsessed with JFK because I'm a boomer. You need to go back and save JFK. I would have been like, shut up, old man, you just showed me a ticket to the past. I'm going to have a blast. I'm going to have a good old time. They say that in 1964, you can say the N word, no consequences. No consequences. No. Key to the city. That's what they did. But you could go back. I was thinking like, man, he like went through and was like

money's going to be tight. No, it's not. No, it can't possibly be tight. Go to Vegas, play some sports bets or whatever. Just do that for one weekend when you're there. Don't go to some, because what he does is he goes to some shit hole, like small town

bedding area and then cleans them out and then they're angry. And then every time he fucks up, it's already established. He could just go back through and be like, this is a wash, redo. redo this and he doesn't. I would have brought back, like,

I would have brought entire books written after 1960 back with me in like manuscript form. I would have been like a polymath. I would have been the best author of all time. I wrote Game of Thrones. Then they would hate me for never finishing it. Like, I could take credit for so many things. I could invest in everything.

Like, it would be sick. And this guy's just fiddle fucking around doing a goofy job with some random loser he found trying to stop JFK. from getting killed. Come on. Is that a little different? The book's a little different. He gambles more using his, he's got like a sports almanac. He mostly bets on like boxing matches because he can say,

who wins and what round by knockout, stuff like that. You really like up your odds when you do that. And he gets in trouble with the mob and they start like chasing him. It becomes a problem. He wins so much money in the book. And then he's also like he's always got a little mission. Like he saves a few people who have. have been hurt.

Is it one book or a series? One book. One really big book. I mean, yeah, I like a book better. I would rather, there's so many things I would do before I got around to the JFK shit in the 60s. Number one. I would invest in Microsoft and then wait 30, 40 years. That investment will pay right off.

You invest in it before it shows up? What was a big company? Investing Bell helicopters. It's pre-Intyre. That is pre-Vietnam. Yeah, that's what Lady Bird Johnson did. invested in Bell Helicopter before the Vietnam War and then became a multi-millionaire off of it.

That's crazy. Really? That's a good idea. I bet she, you know, I bet she knew something was coming. What makes you think that? Maybe some pillow talk. Yeah. Her husband killed somebody for it.

There's so much liquid in my belly. I know. That's what I was just thinking the same thing. I'm already so full. Just so full and bloated. I ate way too much today. But that will help over time. Yeah, I'm breathing a little heavy, but that's fine.

But I keep thinking like, all right, people are going to mellow out. But then I see Kyle crack another one. That's like, I am not going to let you beat me. I can't. You know what we should do after this? Keep poisoning yourself faster than me. Everyone will be blown away. Yeah, keep it up.

Oh, don't do that. You're being a, like, a shitty kid on the playground right now. As soon as you start to lose, we're like, I actually don't care. I started to lose. I haven't begun to lose. You haven't even begun to lose. You know, let me tell you this, Kyle. You're like Helen Keller and Orgy.

You don't know who you're fucking with. All hands. All hands, yeah, probably. That's funny. You don't know who you're fucking. Imagine the noises she would make. Yeah, you don't have to. You can just like, there's deaf people today.

Oh, actually, that was. would be worse though because deaf people could like read the face of someone if they say something in a weird way and they'll be like oh I must have expressed that weirdly she couldn't even see that and so yeah it must have been bananas do you think she died virgin or she

fucked surely she fucked I mean it's easy for girls to lose their virginity right she could have if she wanted to yeah but like is there any way to do that that's not effectively

rape. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, fucking Helen Keller. That's very rapy. Like there's no way to tell it, Kyle, you're muted. There's no way to like communicate because unless the only person you could sign in her palm was that I got crazy. Just go like this, right? And if she gives you one

of these, you're on the same page. You think that's what the sign is? Yeah, yeah. And now we know what she's going for. Zach, show me what Helen Keller looked like. I never cared before. Oh, it's, you know, I don't want to bully her.

I don't want a bullier, but she's not a looker. I was saying, you don't want a bullier. You made your name on that shit. See, aren't you prime Helen Keller, denier? You're like the number one, Helen Hader. I did, I do keep that off. That's my, that's a feather in my cap. I mean, she's not gorgeous, but she's not divergent, ugly.

That's the one of young Helen Kelly. Can we get a young Helen Keller? Like a, like 25. He's 12 there. Jesus. That would be unfortunate. Yeah, that's the best I've ever seen her. Usually she's like, you know, one eye on the prize looking ridiculous.

Not the only pearl necklace that chick likes. Well, she wouldn't even know what it was. If like... She's like, ah, hot. You just immediately get up afterward and just go watch TV. Jesus Christ. It's just loud. You don't even know Helen T-shirts.

We sell anti-Hallin-Kellar merch. I didn't even know. That's the most common recurring bit from the show that people reference to me on social media and whatnot all the time is every time there's a story of like someone being like Helen Keller was a fraud or it's like on black Twitter and they'll be like they really be saying she wasn't retarded and everyone's like you did you started this and it's like well I can't take credit for that there were a lot of brilliant people that led up to me being able to make that video. Standing on the shoulders of giants on the shoulders of giants. Kyle you're muted again. I wasn't talking to you. You were talking into the mic. The mic's in my mouth. I'm talking to that person.

Okay. Tell her hi. Hey. Is it Murphy? She just gave me the finger. I bet she didn't do that. We'd be fast friends. She likes video games. Congratulations like getting married, by the way, dude.

Thank you very much. Appreciate it. It was an awesome vacation. think that's going to help me tonight. Like I'm not like I feel like I'm more practiced like I've been drinking more than usual because I was on vacation. And so it's like I'm, you know, hitting my level. You've been training for the drinking episode. Basically. It seems like it. Yeah. So if I can't beat Kyle tonight, then it was never going to happen. Honestly, it's going to be the volume that beats me over the alcohol. I'm just so full. That is the thing is so full. Like I can see my

belly it's like just put four of those things in there and it's it's like i'm breathing hard amateurs that's part of the reason i wore the open coat is because when i stand up to take my first piss you're gonna see how distended my stomach is and i'm gonna come back and it's gonna be completely flat again 30 ounces of shit inside me right now that's a careful standing up that's exactly the kind of belly button what he likes. Very hairy. You get a nice, nice trail.

I do like blonde peach fuzz. Yeah, you want to sit, you know, don't show him again. Oh, if you were a girl, perfection.

Yeah. A little blonde peach fuzz, though, I don't mind on the butt cheeks. Girls' butts are hairier than they think they're, they're called like vellis hairs or something. Is that right? Blonde girl when they're tan

and they have that little peach fuzz on the butt. Is there a subreddit for that? I'd like to know more. I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter. You're winning me over. Well, it's a different kind of book or a different kind of girl hair. I'm familiar with the peach fuzz. There's no such thing as bad hair.

Oh, yeah. My butthole hair is like brambly. It's like, it's thick. You could give yourself a splinter on it if it was short enough. It's like a beard hair. Keep going, you fucking cherry vocabulary having. I've been feeling a bit safe. sexual. I got a beard hair,

beard hair stuck in my thumb the other day, and it got infected, and I had to, like, squeeze the pus out when I pulled it out. Yeah. Well, it went all the way under to where you couldn't get it out before. Well, like, I was like, I don't know. I was just like my, I was like aimlessly sort of like twiddling my beard right after I shaved, and I guess they were extra sharp. Like, maybe it cut one at an angle and made it like extra pointing, and it stuck in my thumb, and I couldn't get it out. And then I went to bed and I woke up, and it was like infected. And I had to, like, pull it out when I squeezed it.

came out. I saw this thing. I don't know if it's AI or not, but I saw this video. No, I think I Googled it to confirm it's like a real thing. But like the wedding in between your fingers, barbers and like hairstylists will get human hair like shavings embedded in their flesh.

And they have to like squeeze them out. It was fucking disgusting to watch. That's just, it's someone else's hair. Yeah. At least when I splinter myself on my beard, like it's mine. like I don't have to worry about where it's been

I know it's filthy but it's my filth right swarthy Italian hair oh you're in Italian disgusting well I'm in a merrimut like all of them

just it's just Italians the highest on the list of the of the muttery what are you probably that's what's what my brother's test said and I'm not sending them I guess it doesn't matter but they also don't tell you it doesn't matter because they sent him an update

it was like you're more Italian and more French than you thought before. And it's like, okay, well, then I believe you. Yeah, they like sent him. He sent it in initially like six years ago, and then it was probably three, four years ago that they sent him an email and was like, hey, update to your genetics.

And if anything, that makes me think, like, you guys aren't really that. I'm just lying. They sent like, someone sent in like lizards. Lizard. And they're like, you're Albanian. It was Southeast Asian and Jewish. Oh, really?

Yeah. I didn't. The lizard thing. but also they seem to get it right. Like when black people send it in, it just seemed to come back like African origins. Your years came back Italian origins. It's not randomized.

Makes sense. They're not 100% on the ball. I've been doing those breaths too, Kyle. Those big heavy breaths. I'm so full. Yeah, beer was a bad choice. I looked at the clock to see how much show was left. It was three hours and 52 minutes at the time.

I'm burping so much. The room stinks. I shouldn't have eaten that entire pizza two hours ago and then the pretzels. I've just been eating these crackers. I felt like that was the movie. Peanut butter crackers. Yeah, those are some toasties. Wow.

You snack like a kindergartner. It's on a log. I did my port tenderloin for lunch and I didn't feel like I should eat. I want to take a nap before the show. Oh, so I got a nice two-hour nap to come in with that on my shoulders. Charge me up a little bit. Man, I'm breathing hard. I'm breathing like I just ran.

So full. Well, Taylor started a few minutes ago saying, you know what we should do after this? And I was going to suggest a mile run. No. Yeah, you got to keep it in. You know what I think would be a good idea is instead of a drinking episode, you know, in the future we can do an eating episode.

Oh, yeah. That's going to be wonderful to listen to. What's the worst thing to listen to someone, chew? It's got to be like chips and salsa or something. Maybe like those crunchers chips. Crunchy stuff. That's the reason I own or I had like premiums YouTube and music apps is because at lunchtime, every day they try and like get you in with an audio only advertisement for restaurants,

which is always just the sound of someone chewing something. And it like makes me so angry. I can't. There's like a misophonia, I think it's called or whatever. But the sound of people like chomping or chewing with their mouth open makes me like angry. I agree. It's really gross listening to someone chew with their mouth open. My brother has like a, he's the most normal guy in my family, my middle brother, the most sociable.

But he like has an autistic hatred of any. who chews loudly or opens their mouth. He would like scold. Like if he thought like my parents, we'd be eating something like crunchy and they'd be chewing with their mouth closed. And like as a kid, he'd sit there and be like, mom, Jesus. Stop. And it's like, she's chewing.

We're eating a crunchy food. Like there's no avoiding. And her mouth's closed. Like, but he spazes. But I think this is a good idea. We'll do a corn nuts eating episode. Popcorn and movie theater. dude. That makes me so

mad when people like put the popcorn in your mouth, close your lips and chew it. When you can hear like people fucking crunching. Yeah. Or when they're only halfway through the bite or the the chewing process and they decide they want

to introduce more popcorn in where it's like just finish that bite and then eat the next bite. Don't be like mid-chew with a bunch of fucking mushed up popcorn in your mouth and then cram more in. Learn to eat idiot. I've been doing it since I was fucking three months old.

I've been doing it so well, so long, and so much. I know how to eat. He has a lot of rules. I just want my share of the popcorn. That's all. Yeah. That's like the only thing that tempts me back to the movie theater anymore.

Because every time I check movie theaters, every movie, I'm like, this doesn't look that good. And it's going to be on streaming in, you know, four weeks. But something about the memories of having, like being a kid and having a kid and having a torso-sized popcorn bucket that you could

put all the artificial butter oil on it you wanted. Like that was so fucking wonderful. It felt so good. Oh man Woody, you're how are you about halfway done with that if you shake it? Yes. Yeah, I think it's about right.

Just over clear, that's too. That's too. Like that beer is too. That's a double. Wait, is that a, I think that's a 16 ounceer, right? hold on wait it would be more than that because it's more than that

it's double the alcohol by volume almost and 19 and a quarter if I'm reading it right yeah and so it's a 20 ounceer okay so considerably like three three of our beers ish maybe I'm not doing math tonight yeah there's no math either can we can we just say four I'm not the guy

I'm not him I'm like Let's make it a cool four. Everybody will be rounded out. I do have my two fingers on the hotkeys for the mute button because I'm belching like a motherfucker right now. I'm burping so much. My belly is so full. Like, I'm like a four out of ten drunk,

but like I'm like a nine out of ten full. You're a four out of ten drunk right now. I'm not an alcoholic trout. I don't drink very much. I drink two beers a week. Like every now and then, like before I eat some ribs or something really tasty, I'll be like, I'm going to have a bankie.

I'm going to have one of these banquet beers, and I'll get a little tipsy. One beer gets me drunk. Well, not drunk, but you can feel it. I shouldn't drive. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I shouldn't. It depends how much food I have in me,

how much, like, one or two beers hits me. Well, I've got four crackers. You didn't eat before this at all? No, no, I ate port tenderloin for lunch, but that was noon, you know, seven hours. You have dinner? No. I ate lunch.

I don't eat breakfast usually, and I eat like a light lunch, and then I usually eat like a big dinner, kind of what I'm doing these days. I've been smoking still tons. I keep doing this port tenderloins and ribs and stuff. Oh, that kind of smoking with the grill. Yeah, yeah, with the grill. I don't know how much weed I'm going to start tonight.

I had three options in my head. I was trying to figure it out. Oh, we picked up the weed yet. I don't know if I, if I need to do that. Oh, dude, dude, you will get the worst spins of your life. And that's a performance inhibitor for this stuff just a scam?

Yeah, CBD's a scam in general, I think. You need salty food, oh, you know what? Those post-show pretzels tonight, Woody, are going to get so nice. Those are going to be divine tonight. However many of you... I'm concerned. Last week, we only had one pretzel. Double.

Hey, Siri, text my wife. What would you like to say? Do we have pretzels for tonight, question, It's the Australian guys. Mine's an Australian woman. Mine's an Australian woman too, hilarious. Cry. Is your oil in a Pizzles?

It's the voice of my truck. Text my wife. It should be a dude. What would you like to say to Taylor? Oh, wait. No, no, no, no, no, no. Exposed. That's who you married.

Holy shit. That's Hawaii trout. That's a lot. That's why I'm prepared for the drinking episode. You gay, Mary Trout? I don't think so. Well, we haven't consummated. Yeah.

I don't know that. He was going to be bottom yet. She said, sorry. I can't imagine how terrible it looks for me back there in that position. You know what's crazy is my burps? Like, I've eaten so much since I have like noon Panda Express, but I don't have pizza burps. I have, I still have orange chicken burps. You got all orange chicken?

You usually do double meat. I got all orange. I got triple meat and I got all orange chicken and fried rice. That's on top of pizza? No, I had pizza after. I had pizza like four hours later. Oh, okay. Yeah, a normal amount.

Well, it's because I was preparing. It was for work. So. You say a normal amount. What is a normal amount of pizza? A whole, and it wasn't like a, it wasn't like a domino's pizza. It was a frozen thin crust pizza in my oven here. The whole thing.

A whole pizza. Yes. On top of triple orange chicken and fried rice from Panda Express. Yes, but I didn't have breakfast. And I only had like maybe two of the pretzel sticks I made in the oven like an hour ago. You guys are acting like. No judgment. And Kyle said you can all eat me.

I did. I mean, frozen pretzies. I'm hearing some. excessive amounts of eating. I am a little blown away by this. You eight because when I go to Panetta Express I get two meats. If I get three, there's leftovers. There's no way you eat three meats from Banda. What's a leftover? I'm sorry, a leftover. I don't even comprehend that. You just eat all the food on your plate. Didn't you guys get yelled at if you didn't eat every bit of food on your plate as little kids?

That's good training. Yeah, I had to drink all my milk as well. Well, they made me stay at the table. They made me stay at the table until the milk was empty. And in hindsight, I'm pretty sure they just didn't enjoy my company. Why do I have, why does everybody else have an eight ounce plus and I have a picture? I hate Woody's childhood stories. They make me sad. Milk was never a problem.

I loved milk as a kid. Like, if you got whole milk, it's like sweet. There's a bunch of sugar in it. It tastes good. And they said it was good for you. It was all over TV. Michael Jordan was drinking it. Remember that?

Got milk. Yeah. I drink this. I'll be like Michael Jordan. You thought that? You thought you turned black from the milk? Well, I was, I guess Michael Jordan's wrong example. Mark McGuire also did one.

And he was so huge. From the trend. From the trend. It wasn't from the milk, actually. A lot of people don't have it. Who knows for sure. Well, I only brought four beers in here. I got to get more because I think Kyle's about to start five.

Trout is... I brought 15 beers. That's a backpack. Yeah, it's a backpack cooler. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course. That's got to be the best thing ever if you go like camping or on a float trip. Yeah, it's dope.

And I'm going to feel really bad because I know the guy whose buddy owns this company and I don't remember the name of it. And so it's a case. K-A-S-E. But it's magnetized on top. Holy shit. Is it illuminated? No, no, no. That's the magnet strip.

That looks like, you know, when they open the briefcase in Pulp Fiction? Yeah. He has a glow about him when he sees inside. That's a nice fucking cooler. It is. Did you pay for it? No, I know the guy who owns the company. Well, I know.

How much is it cost, do you know? I think it's like $100 off the top of my head. That's not too bad for a cooler nowadays. For a really good cooler too, because I went, I didn't pick up, I didn't realize how hard it would be to find freaking Coors Banquet Cans. Because, yeah, I was talking to Taylor last night. And we were setting the standards for, I was like, what's everybody drinking?

Because normally I drink high noons. And he's like, no, Kyle and I are doing Coors Banquets. And I was like, well, I'll do that too then so we can kind of have that control. had to hunt these puppies down, finally found him at one liquor store like 17 minutes away and then bought a bag of ice. This is at like one in the afternoon.

Didn't have anywhere to put the ice because my freezer's full. So I loaded the cooler up. And like none of the ice is melted right now and it's 6 p.m. where I'm at. I went outside for the first time in ages. Not really because we took the dogs of the vet. But like on my own, I'm like, I need to slur for people that go.

outside. I came out with outsider with a hard R. I like it. Outside of Yeah, amongst friends I'm an outsider. But I've been drinking these banquet beers for a while. I like a 5% beer because I'm not drinking for pleasure. I don't like how beer tastes. It tastes like shit.

I want to get a little tipsy. Is banquet a flavor or a size? I'm not following. It's like a non-light version. Yeah. It's like the course. It's heavy. It's the Budweiser to Bud Light. It's a can of Coors brewed from a mountain stream.

It'll set your head on fire and make your kidneys scream. Oh, it sure is fine stuff. You've been on the bankies. Like, that's been your beer for years. And so I'm surprised to hear you say you hate it. I don't think it tastes bad. It's just, it's, I like Miller Light and light beers.

Like, this is a little heavy. Yeah, it'll get, it's a job done. It's, you know, it's a whole percent stronger. Usually one of these is enough to get me Like tipsy and like I don't know Make my skeetty taste better Like what I'll drink one before dinner Like you're usually on the on the tall boy grind with them

Like but you got the It depends what's cheaper I got the 30 pack for 28 bucks And that's like so fucking cheap But I've gotten the Sometimes you can get 12 pints For $11 And that's that's really really cheap

You know Because it's like less than a dollar a pint Yeah I didn't have that So full. I used to drink fucking Bush Heavies back in my poverty days. And yeah, I think it's like, it's like $24 for a 30 rack. Oh my God.

And I would just crush 30 disgusting heavyweight beers. And they, uh, I remember in college they had like the camo print Bush Heavies where it was like, take them hunting. Yeah, but the best beer for like, I have, I still. this day, I know it's trashy and people rip on it, but I think Natty Light, natural light, there's nothing wrong with it. It's fine. It's aside from the fact that it tastes like shit. I don't think it tastes

that bad. It doesn't taste like much, which is good. It doesn't taste like much. If it's a hot day we're outside, like maybe eating some barbecue, I could do some Natty Light. I'd be okay with that. Didn't you work in advertising? Because I'm not buying this. It doesn't taste like much is a terrible advertisement for your favorite beer. It's watery.

Like that's what you honestly, like on a hot like day when you're sweating and you're eating rib, or something. I want a light, watery American beer. I don't want to make. I left out the other part of his pitch. It's not that bad. It's not that in general. Yeah.

That's a great selling point for beer. Yeah. Biaola, that tastes good. Like the way you drink Natty Light or Light beer is like you're doing like a barbecue and your buddies are over and you're going to be drinking for eight hours or whatever. You don't want

what Woody's drinking. You don't want you know the triple heavy hopped double brood whatever the fuck 10% like you want something that you can slow roll into a buzz into getting drunk I can't wait until you starts on that big shit already I'm having thoughts like is it the beer or do I need a new prescription I can't wait to start on that big shit you bought we told you vodka seltzers bud like it has vodka in it

I thought I was following instructions A seltzer is a carbonated, spright-like beverage that has a little alcohol and is watermelon, lime, lemon-flavored, fruity. And it's light and its beer potency. It's like five and a half, six percent, maybe four, usually four. Four point two. I looked up. It's like spright. Yeah, like those bud light ones, bud light shelters.

They used to drink those, white claws even. That's a, that's a malted beverage. It's a slightly different thing. But that's what I would have recommended. ended. Hoof. Hmm. You know,

you got four crushed? I just finished five. I'm on six. Finished five and you're on six. Oh, no. That's the way through. I'm so full.

Yeah. You don't have binge eating disorder, though. And so you don't have the stomach capacity to expand the way I do. I could easily do another beer drunk-wise,

but I just, I don't think I have the volume. I think you might have me here. I'm going to try. I feel like you challenge a UFC fighter to a fight here. He's got me in a fucking triangle, and I'm like, I thought we're going to box. Like, he's fucking laying and praying right now is what I'm seeing. And meanwhile, like, Trout is a okay.

I weigh like 65 pounds more than Trout, and he's going to crush us. Alcoholism! No, I just got off the phone with my brother, like right before I came on here. And he's like, what are you up to tonight? And I was like, oh, I'm going on PCA. I was like, oh, it's this podcast. on a few times. I go, they're doing a drinking episode. They haven't done it like seven years

or whatever and they want me on. I was like, I'm going to fucking smoke them. I was like, I'm taking this very, very seriously. And he goes, what are you drinking? And I was like, Coor's Banquets. And he goes, fuck, you're going to get full before you get drunk. And I was like, I know, that's the issue.

I'm going to load up six at a time. Or wait, I can't tell you my strategy. That's a secret. See, that's my idea. Can I go on PA? And smoke. And smoke me at drinking. I'm going to go to South Valley and elementary school and beat up children. I love Woody's perspective

on alcohol. Like the amount of revulsion that's visceral in your face every time you talk about. People didn't see your face pre-show. It like made me want to laugh. Everyone's like, let's get going and Woody's like, is like,

Zach, can we start? Like, just hates it. And as soon as you lifted up that bottle of vodka, Kyle and I did the through the webcam eyes where I was like, oh no, why didn't he get high noons? He should have to mix that with something because that's hard liquor. But of the hard liquors, it's the tastiest. Like you, it's so, so sugary that. I specifically asked the retard behind the counter, what would you give a high school girl?

We told you what to drink. We always tell you what to drink. and you come back with hard liquor. Or retard behind the counter. He works at a liquor store, Woody. How well could he be doing? He sells liquor for a living. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

That is funny. That is funny that Woody went into a liquor store thinking it's like a flooring installing depot where he's like, ah, the experts. Well, I know what I did at my place. Bring up the Somali. How would you move to a high school girl? I don't care or no. Get out.

Yeah. I keep having these big exhales. I've aged so much since the last time we did a drink as much as you can as... We've never done beer before. We always did vodka. Oh, did you age, Taylor? It must be so rough on you. That's fair.

Wait a minute. Have you had two marriages since? the last drinking episode? Yes. I finished. I don't think I kept that one inside. That's a very funny one. That's good.

Yeah. Maybe we should, every time we do one of these, like the response afterward, well, people like it, but our internal response is always like, let's not do that anymore ever again. but you can't do any other sort of substance episode

like we couldn't do a weed episode that would be the worst show of all time well Kyle can because Kyle's like owned every episode I know you are an outlier like if I were to get high as fuck on the show I would not talk like I would just be I wouldn't pay attention to people were saying I wouldn't use track like some more than any other substance weed makes me do that thing where I forget my train of thought in the middle of speaking and that is not ideal where you get halfway through a sentence you think you know what you're saying and then you have to dip out because you lose it i'm on a cut i've only had about 1900 calories today well whoopsie daisy i can't imagine

a cut like that 1900 calories well that's that number's changing whatever you said but are you a weed guy at all trout or you're you're just booze to the core yeah i'm uh I'm a booze boy. Sorry, I'm trying to figure out how many calories I've had since we started recording. So whatever 147 times six is, I've had 882. I have 882 calories sitting right here, right now. Well, I like Woody's theory on the calorie absorption of if you do enough all at once, there's no what, you're basically like waterboarding your body. It can't process. It's got to flow through. Liquids have to be like that even more than solids, right?

Like, is your body really getting every one of the 150 calories in this out of it? It can be. Some of that beer made a brief visit through your intestines. Yeah. It's going to be incredibly brief. I can't imagine what my shit in the morning. You're drinking liquid bread. I think your body can absorb it.

That is true. I don't want that to be true. No, I choose not. No, to answer your question, Taylor, no, not really. I used to be like back in high school. I kind of, I was like hung out with the nerds, hung out with its donors. And mom, if you're watching, turn this off. Yeah, I used to smoke a bunch of weed back when I was in like high school and shit.

And then kind of fell off of it, switched to alcohol because it was more readily available. Because I've lived in Indiana and Texas, both states where weed is illegal. But then, yeah, what is it? the delta eight or delta nine or whatever those little compounds i went into there was like a head shop right around the corner from my house in indiana and i walked in and i was like hey there's a you know little girl running the whole place and she's like what are you looking for are you looking for you know she's like the somali a of weed basically and i was like listen i haven't like smoked weed in at this point probably like eight times

years and I was like rate everything in the store from one to 10 and she's like okay and I was like now where's one and so she points out some pen what's that number weird it's saying danger day all yours is warning you no you it's uh you can't I had one of those uh like a breath the lives that me and my friends would fuck with years ago if you you have you have to if you blow in it right after you have a drink it will not do it you have to like not i haven't had a drink in half an hour or something i'm so full i've just been sipping my coke my uh my like coke zero um point oh five four you're drinking coke zero you're not even in this to win it dude i don't see this you're so full you're having coax well i like like like tiny sips to take

the disgusting taste of beer out of my mouth i don't like alcohol any more than than that than you do banquets were your idea. You picked this. I'm not complaining about the beverage of choice. I'm just, you're the one who asked why I'm drinking the Coke. I just get the, you know, the taste of the beer out of it. I would have said high noons. I don't know what that even is.

It's, uh, oh, well, I guess that's even less alcoholic. So that wouldn't, that wouldn't help the full thing, right? I don't know. I smashed like 14 of them last night and I felt fine. We should have vodka. We are out over. our skis with travel. I don't belong here. I don't know how you're not

a thousand pounds. Like, do you eat? Do I eat like food? Yeah. Not a lot of it. How old are you? 32. You should be fatter.

No, I'm getting there, though. It's finally starting to get up with me. Oh, he's not. I'm getting, like, skinny fat. I'm getting like a weird gut. It's not bad. I'm bloated. right now, but otherwise I would have flexed.

But no. Is it striking distance of fit, though? Yeah. That's true. It's better than fat. Do you do any contracting stuff anymore? No, I'm like strictly online now. Yeah, especially not at Brandon's bathroom.

Yeah, definitely. What is your only fans? It is King underscore Trout XX6. XX6. Yeah, there were five other King Trouts, five other King Troutes. X-Xs that took that. It's all

ludes though, no nudes yet. That's the way to do. Is there anybody using only fans like? Yeah. No, no, I mean like using it for non-pornography. I know what you meant. Yeah, there are. I know some UFC fighters do that.

I think of Valentina, right? A few of them do like training stuff and like just sort of behind the scenes of what my life's like stuff. So yeah, there's a few that that um so since last time you were on the opponent dropped out right oh yeah because he had that well the lady sent herself on her herself all up um i heard that that that guy dropped out and i guess you know it's western texas so brandon's kind of just a given to win the thing right

pretty much i guess dependent on um how much money uh donors or like the democratic party are willing to put or not donors it packs and the Democratic Party are willing to put in his opponent depending on like how fierce or competitive they think the race is going to be but i think last election it was like 70 30 voter turnout for uh yeah republicans democrats now i was CNN and they were like and gun tuber Brandon Herrera seems to be the frontrunner in the texas 23rd and i'm like and it's like fucking hell yeah is there still gonna be a runoff Because he and the other guy were in a runoff, the other guy dropped out. Now what?

Now Brandon did it? He's the Republican candidate for. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So he's representatives. He's close to a lot. He's facing a Democrat in Western Texas. He's luck with that.

And it's all like his name is Herrera and it's Texas. Like that, there's so many Hispanics there. That plays for sure. Is he, is he Hispanic at all? He has to be. Actually. Yeah. Oh, okay.

That's, yeah, his, his family's been, his, same. What kind of Mexican are you? But, no, his, yeah, his family's been, like, in Texas for, like, the railroad line. Yes, since, well, when it was the Republic of Texas, so far as I understand. Maybe since it was Mexico all the way back then before we bought it. You think we bought Texas? didn't we buy it after like kind of pushing him out a little bit? You know, they say remember the Alamo, but some folks just

plain dope. The Alamo, I don't know about the Alamo, man. I like to remember winners. They gave. Davey Crocket? Like, great American heroes, like folk heroes died defending the Alamo. First of all, it was Daniel Boone, not Davy Boone. What did I say?

Did I say Davey Boone? said Davy Boone. Daniel said Davey Crocket and Davy Crockett. Yeah, Davey Crockett. I'm a direct descendant to Davy Crockett. God damn it. Are you really? Yeah, I thought it was just like some mythological family bullshit.

I don't know. Like my grandma always used to say it. And then I really got heavily invested in like my family lineage. And yeah, I'm a like a direct descendant of him. Granted, he had like 16 fucking kids. So what does it count? That's pretty cool. But Dave Crockett was a great American.

and who is what was the greatest accomplishment of davy crockett it was it was probably you know your favorite you know you don't have to you have to get them all it's like it's probably the number one contribution of baby crock i guess i think in the world of fashion he was big he came up with the coonscoon hat the coonscoon hat yeah it was probably it was probably long i guess but no it was uh that one daughter of his who ended up being my great, great, great, great, great grandma. Actually, yeah, that was his best contribution, Kyle.

It was bringing us King Trout to kick our asses and this drinking off. Oh, okay. We've only just begun. We've only just begun. Who's better, Davy Crockett or Daniel Boone? Daniel Boone. Why? I'm not even, I don't even know enough about him to argue.

Like, why? What, what's more impressive about him, do you? I don't know any words of the Daniel Boone song. Is there a Daniel Boone song? Not that I know of. I do love that Davy Crockett song. Yeah, right? It's a bit of a bagger.

It's the David Crockett song. I just realized I fucked up so bad. My, my, I apologize to my ancestors. I'm related to Daniel Boone, not David. Oh, man. It's a lot of things. Jim Booy as well. Jim Booy died there as well.

Like all those like American heroes died at the Alamo, you know, defending it against Santa Ana. And then later on, I believe we stole. Santa Ana's. Because they weren't real warriors. They were just the Ticotkers of their day. They were like 150 of them against their influencers

they got their ass kicked by like a couple of years. In a makeshift mission against thousands of Mexicans who failed charge after charge. They crossed the line in the sand. They said any man who wants to retreat and run back.

Cross the line. Not a man step forward, Woody. Not a man step forward. They don't get captured. They fought. They didn't get captured. fought and died to the death to the last man. I would have surrendered. I would have surrendered for sure.

You'd have surrendered to the Mexicans? 100%. Never. I would have gone out there, done my best. Yo, yo, coirro, Taco Bell, whatever I could think of to say. What do they like? I'd be like, guys, stop attacking. There's a, someone made toast and Mary's in it.

And they'd be like, what? We will no longer attack you. because the Virgin Mary Johnina toast they're all about that there we're not big on toast Mary's here no not as many Catholics here

not as many gullible Catholics here for sure we're more the touchy grabby Catholics I think we I don't think of America as the touchy grabby Catholics I think of that Oh come on Boston those guys

that's really the reason they have the church It's just a kind of pedophile organization When I hear someone's like really Catholic, I just assume pedophile. That's crazy. That's absurd. That's what they're about. No, it's not.

It's what they're about. They go to church. I watched the whole documentary about it. Yeah, they go to church. That's where the kids are. Is this where I bring up that I'm militantly Catholic? Yeah. See?

I have your blow jobs were top-notch. You're welcome, baby. I bet you've been drinking wine since you were a young bull. Boy, some priest flying you with communion wine to get his goodies. No, no, no. That's Protestants would think it's wine. That is not brought up. It's the blood of Christ.

Protestants don't even drink. Like, we didn't have to be alcohol in grape juice. That's what I'm saying. You would say that it is wine, but it is the blood of Christ. Yeah, they used to do that. I remember at one church we went to when I was growing up, it was a Protestant church. They would give us the little tiny cups of grape juice. as kids. And then they didn't even have communion wafers. It was like oyster crackers you'd put in soup.

And I remember being like seven and being like, this doesn't feel very serious. Like this doesn't feel very serious at all. Yeah. There was like a megachurch down the road from where I lived. And everybody, everybody I went to school with like was a member of this like huge megachurch. And so like every time when I was a little kid, middle school, whatever growing up, you. go and spend the night at somebody's house and then end up going to church with their family or I would go to like their youth group events because everybody I knew went to this non-denominational mega church and I was like man y'all worship dodgeball Jesus that's what I started

calling them because we'd go to the the youth group and they'd be like and in you know ezekiel chapter five verse 17 Christ said or god said this Anyway, let's play dodgeball. There's no religion in here. It felt so unsurious. I would go to Catholic Mass on Sunday. Same thing. You stay at a friend's house and you like go to church with them.

And they're like, no, no, no, no. These crackers are for people who've had communion. It's not fucking very Christian of you. Cross the arms on your chest, no. Yeah, just sit here and act like an outsider while you guys fucking have snacks. Fuck you. It's only one cracker, though. that's infinitely more than zero

that's too chay the body of Christ yeah I remember like we went to this giant church for a while growing up and it was it just even as a kid felt unsurious and they and the the pastor would just sometimes like just like grab the mic and start

walking back and forth like Chappelle like riffing and you can see like you could see all the dads being like you know football football's on like can we get this moving and when I've been to mass because the stereotype I always heard because my entire dad's side of the family is Catholic so I've been to mass a ton of times and I always heard like oh mass is so boring it's so long dude it's the inversion of that the Protestants are the ones riffing taking hours the Catholics are paying it out in my experience like they're just Bing bang boom like a

hour, tight hour. A tight hour, exactly. We got the material down. They got it down. They do the songs. They do the homily, I believe it's called. It's hominy. I think that's a food.

It's corn. It's corn. That's where two words sound the same. Ah, hominem. Hey, there you go. No, that's when two guys have sex. You guys have like a... American, are you, king?

Catholic have like so many rituals, it borders upon witchcraft. Whenever I see Catholic Mass, and they get out those incense burners and start waving around and it smells nice. What are you all about? Like Halo 3?

Yeah, we're in the House of God, treat it with some respect. I don't want to see some asshole playing the acoustic guitar talking about where you need to exchange your money in the weekend fucking. I do. That's exactly what I want.

Dude, I love when the dude breaks out the acoustic guitar. Lord, I lift your name on high. Lord, I love sing your praises. That's good, but I really feel like black churches are just the like tippy top of the culture, right?

Like, everyone there seems to have some sort of musical talent. They're all rocking. They must practice those dance stuff. It's more fun. It's less judgmental. the Catholic Church is super judgmental, but I had a girlfriend. Less judgmental. They're Southern Baptists. They're the most... No, no, no, no, the black church. I had a girlfriend who went to a black church. This is like 10 years ago.

And, like, there were gays there. There was a lot of music. There was a lot of singing. And it was gay accepting black church. And it was more like a dance club, like feel good kind of thing. Like, there was a lot of music. It was 80% music, 20% sermon. Whereas when I grew up, it was like 80% sermon, 20% sermon. percent music and the sermon was always like the preacher would go in he'd find like a verse or an entire book of the bible or or a story from the bible and then he would take that story and he would relate it to like modern day stuff you know whether it was like trouble in your marriage trouble in your family respecting your family respecting your your elders like like he'd find something to latch onto within a biblical story and he'd sort of relate the biblical story to your modern day life

and it was good i always appreciated that it was never like you're going to burn in hell. You better repent. It was never that. What denomination was it? It was called the Church of God. I don't know what that is. Those guys are, I think, a little goofy.

I want to put that. Yeah, we did talk to the test. I want to clap on one and three, see if they give me a pass. I bet they don't. I bet they're like, this motherfucker right here, clap on one or three. White boy ain't got no worthy. We'll tolerate a lot, but not that. Dude, something I've noticed with the Protestant versus Catholic services I've gone to,

it's the Catholics don't do the, the fire and brimstone hell like threat shit. Or I've never been to a mass where they do that. The like evangelical church I went to growing up, dude, it was fucking every week, every week the fire and brimstone stuff it felt like. And that was not a fun church to. go to because you're going in there it's Sunday morning it's the weekend you're thinking about you know football well I was a child so I was thinking about playing

Pokemon Red after and then fucking gay is that what you say and the homosexuals playing with the Pokemon they too will burn and brimstone and are you aware they have a type a psychic type they are

infiltrating your children's minds my mom made my mom was like so into evangelical church at one point when I was like seven or eight she took your new card away she was like you can play Pokemon but you can't train psychic type Pokemon I literally was like sounds like a plan mom meanwhile my ringer that played through was ala Kazam he was he was getting it done for me he was in the mix every five your mom is based I feel like Pokemon fans do not suffer from enough like prejudice I feel like they should be ostracized from society

they sit here talking about Pokemon openly as if that's not bad If you were born Are you playing Abra? Is that Abra? Get that out of your deck You'd never play an Abra It only knows teleport

You have to evolve it to Cadabra And then it learns confusion at level 16 Then it can fight That's That's fair Were you allowed to watch Harry Potter? I didn't ask to watch Harry Potter. I was very much a Lord of the Rings.

He's playing a grump pig. A grump pig. You're not a, your satanic and a loser. Get that grumpig out of your deck. Oh, that was something that like in the games, I was very bigoted about.

Is if a Pokemon looked retarded, I would not put them in the team, no matter what their stats were. Like it did like Mr. Mime. Oh, fuck off. Mr. Mime looked like a pedophile. And so I was not going to put Mr. Mime in my

team. But then there were other Pokemon, especially as a young kid, where I was like, I don't care how bad they are. If they look tight, I'll throw them in. Like, I'd throw an onyx in the mix in Pokemon Red, even though he was useless. Yeah, that's Mr. Mime. Tell me that guy should be on your team. Yeah, right. He's going to fuck off.

It's going to grope children. That guy is a pedophile. Show me Slowbrow. That's a guy. That's a guy. Good thing about that guy is he has no dick. Slow bro is kind of... He'll think around him. It's like a dog. It's inside of a sheet. Woody.

Oh, my bad. Which makes it much worse, frankly. I didn't know. I didn't know. There's a knot. Actually, tell me more. Slow bro. What are we doing here?

What are we doing? Slow bro comes with a guy who eats his ass. Is he deep rotting his tail? It's just, it's like some sort of shell. Yeah. It's like some sort of shelled organ. that bites onto his tail

and then that's the only difference because this thing what evolves into this thing is exactly what it looks like except with no thing on its tail and it's quadriplegial or quadrilegeal or quadruly are those two things friends? Yes. Yeah yeah

like are they special friends? They must be. No. It's almost it's more like you know how with those anglerfish the male will like latch onto the female and then just become a pair of testes

I think that's basically Angler fish aren't angler fish the ones with the bait in front of them? Yeah, but those are the females. The males are really tiny and I think they like just swim right up, attach and then become like their body just atrophies to nothing. And they become like a piece of the female's body. That's basically the slow bro thing. Yeah, it's disgusting. Yeah.

And also angler fish are smaller than I thought they were. I thought they were much tighter and cooler. And it turns out they're little fuckers. I wouldn't be scared of them. Yeah. See, you fucking gays are trying to convert me into your Pokemon shit. Pokemon's awesome, dude. I hate Pokemon.

You guys don't like Pokemon because you're, Kyle, you're five years too old for it. I remember cards in high, in the middle school. I am about five years too old. I do remember, I remember kids having the cards in middle school. And like, I remember like first day of middle school coming back from home school. And I'm looking to make friends, right? Like anybody and anything even. fat kids, gay kids, kids with a disability,

the kid with a cochlear implant, whatever. I was looking for friends, right? And then this kid pulls out all these Pokemon cars. He's like, yo, you know that when slow poke evolves, he becomes into, he becomes slow bro, and he gets this, this homo who bites onto his tail, and they just become one. And I'm like, I don't need friends this bad.

And I just like edged my desk away from him, like three inches just to be sure, you know, he wasn't going to leak on to me. The lameness that was his Pokemon. He was like shuffling them. Like he wanted people to see. He was like that character. He's like, and he has dice. He doesn't want to know, but he has dice in his pocket.

Like he was that guy. Like nobody else had like a pocket full of like Pokemon cards to throw down with this kid. He was just all on his own. Just fucking, oh, this one's a hologram. Get out of here. I'm so glad this moment has come. Taylor's been talking about Pokemon for 10 years now as if he's not

some sort of weirdo deviant. We need to exercise and shame him for his whole. It's demonic gay sex shit. That's what it is. It's an age thing. It's an age thing. I was also into Pokemon. I haven't played it in a long-ass time. Spencer Cooper, in kindergarten, you stole my holographic Giridos card.

I know you fucking did that shit. I'm calling you out here and now on PCA 795 the drinking episode. Suck my dick. Fuck you, Spencer Cooper. we need to find Spencer Cooper and get that card back yeah like a cultural day we would have docks that fucker

we would have we go to what town I want to get his Facebook profile get on it people will be framed on his wall we're pussies now we don't talk to people anymore definitely still did we talk to that girl you slapped in high school no but I could use I know where she is on Facebook I don't need any help talks yeah would he beat up a girl in high school. What? She had it coming.

She had come in any trash. Please. Please elaborate. I'll tell it quickly because I've told it so many times. But when I was 13, a freshman in high school, and very late to puberty, she mocked me. We ran a mile every day in gym class. And on the way back from the track to the school,

she'd be like, you're gay, you're fag, you're gay, you're so lame. She'd do this thing with her hands at like woman's shape, which was my shape. And if you're any incorrect information? I mean, I wasn't actually gay. She was super hot. She was like the prettiest girl in our whole school.

As a freshman, she was, I didn't know this, but she was dating the captain of the wrestling team as a freshman. She was like mega. She was the it girl. And she bullied the fuck out of me. And one day I made the mistake of saying, talk like that will get you slapped. So she puts her chin out. She's like, slap me, slap me, slap me, slap me. I dare you.

You fucking pussy. You won't do it. Slat me, slap me, slap me. And I didn't. and then the next day, same thing. Slat me, slap me, slap me. I dare you. Slat me, slap me.

Motherfucker, I put my hand down by my knee. Wound up. I wound up as hard as 13-year-old puper breast of what he had. And I back-handed her. And I hit her as hard as I good. She was in shock.

She's like, and, uh, it did follow me around high school living over the next four years. but the bigger issue is her boyfriend. I'm like, what's he look like? And they're like, well, he'll be wearing a tie today because he has a wrestling match. And I see him he has a tie.

And in our high school, they had these oversized gold safety pins that they would get when they pinned their opponent. Motherfucker was down to his wrist. It was just like pins everyone he runs. And he catches me in the cafeteria. And he's like, are you Woody? And I'm like,

I knew this was coming. Yes, I'm Woody. And he's like, look, I know what she's like. You can't do that again. And I'm like, okay. Okay, I won't do it anymore. And that's how it wrapped. That was the end of it.

Dude, the fact that it's a backhand is so funny. Like the whole story is 100% true. It was probably like my calves, my knee. you sweared up like an Olympic discus thrower She had been mocking me since September for three months every day She was just making fun of me other people were laughing like it it really tore me that tore me up So it did stop Yeah, getting bullied sucks

You know what? You gotta stand up to your bullies kids You got to stand up your boys. Even if it's a, even if it's a paralyzed girl No matter what. Yeah. I never had any issues with girl bullying. I did.

But I remember my, the guy who was the shittiest to me in like seventh and eighth grade. I guess it was mostly seventh grade. And then we didn't really have any classes or contact me. It was like a 45 year old man like like no. He was just another guy who also played hockey. And then once it got to be freshman year, when we were both freshman obviously

I was starting for the high school hockey team as a goalie and he wasn't a very good or competent defenseman at all and they would let him kind of play on the varsity team a little bit as a bench rider and he tried to like score social points off me like bullying me in the locker room and I like hadn't realized that I now outranked him in the hierarchy because of my usefulness on the team and so I just kind of took it a little bit him being shitty and then like the upperclassman told him they're like what the fuck are you doing why are you shit talking our starting goalie you're nobody you don't even play you're fuck off and that never

happened to get after that this and i remember looking at uh at the guy who defended me who was a senior and i was like oh you're like my hero like you guys you guys like me it's totally contingent on me performing well, but at least right now. I'm on the right side. That's amazing. And then the guy who bullied me overdosed on heroin, and now he's most

he's retarded now. Yeah. But is he thin? I'm betting he's thin. I bet he's thinner than me, man. But like, man, he just got a rain on that parade. Why are they going? Probably thinner than me, sure.

But like, he's has mental problems now because of the heroin thing. People lied about it for a while and said he was in a car accident, but then someone told me the truth. They're like, no, he ODed on heroin and had no oxygen for like four minutes. That's why he talks all weird now and really slow.

Can I get a breathalizer? Mine's 0.06. 0.06? That's not that high. There's a lot of beeps and boops. There's a lot of beeps. When you're actively drinking, it's heavily dependent on when your last drink was. Yeah.

If you took a drink within like the last 20 minutes, you're just going to blow alcohol particles from your mouth into it. And it's going to say, you're point nine. Yeah, which I just took a big old golf of course. Yeah. Most of my, like my bullies in middle school were all girls. It was a real problem because I was still under that like, I remember telling the girl, like, I would never hit a girl as she's like bullying me mercilessly on the bus. I had two different bullies in middle school. I had like a white girl who was like...

0.50, no chance. No, it says 0.20. It's reversed for you. Yeah, 0.20. That's not true. It's because you just took a drink. There's no fucking way. There's no fucking way.

That's way too high. I had a white girl that was like kind of cute and she had like a boyfriend and they would like duo bully me on the bus. So I had to stop taking the bus. But then I had this enormous black. chick who like like today as a grown man if I had to fight that black chick I'd be like all right let's make sure we get in get our looks first let's let's not let her let's not fuck around here she's a big gal um like this big bitch she was like six feet fucking tall and 220 pounds in eighth

grade would like bully me every like and I was like just chase me around and I would have to run from this big black girl because like I what was I going to do you're a backhander I'll tell you what you do you put your hand down by your knee wind up that backhand if you hit a black girl then you have to deal with a black man

and not just one I'm in Georgia okay if I hit her I will have to deal with at least three black men but if I run from her for importing the black people

that's on a different group of people who I'm not allowed to talk about. Google the Northwest Passage, kids. Figure out who was on those boats. Who on those boats? Me and Taylor, our folk, get all the blame, but who are on the boats?

Who's to say? But we get to talk about that. That's what happens when you drink too many banquet beers. You start talking about the Northwest Passage. You started getting a little adjacent to some bannable material. Thankfully, I don't know anything

about this. I am a bad education. It's the same people who have us going to warn Iran, Woody. Yeah, there's a reason the slave markets weren't open on Saturday. Why didn't they sell slaves on Saturday? We can't be here

at an hour and 20, boys. We can't be on us. Who are you drinking six? He's on eight. He's on eight, but I'm on seven. Zach, you have to tick me up. I finish seven. I don't have the volume. You thought that my approach of eating like a madman.

It's not the eating. It's not, see, the eating helps you. No, it's not that. That actually works against you because you've got that belly fat holding your stomach back from inflating more. The problem is, like, eating more helps you with absorbing the alcohol more quickly. So you get drunker more slowly. You absorb the alcohol more slowly if you've got like a belly full of food.

But my problem is my belly. isn't big enough. Like my actual stomach stomach isn't big enough to absorb 60 ounces of liquid. It's a problem of volume of Morty. It's about the volume of my stomach,

Morty. It's not about the blood out. Oh, God. Morton, Morton. Morton. Morton. Morton. Why weren't they open on Saturdays? Oh, I don't know. I can't look. Well, how you're talking about this? He's loving the direction this episode. I'm just confused because

my drunk. run in the world since the 1800s morning. Look it up. Morty who opened the gates of Toledo. What are we doing? I didn't even hear the joke. My drunkness is going, woo, woo, woo, woo. What he said?

Start on your finish your beer, Woody. It's done. When I was 19 and I was 19, I was 19, I lived with these 224 and 25-year-old. One guy was Polish, one guy was Lithuanian, and they drank those Russian beers, those like 10 to 12% beers. And it was a running joke, finish your beer, Kyle, because I'd be sipping this leader of brown thick, 14% beers. And they'd be on their second or third, and they'll finish your beer, Kyle. And they'd like laugh at me. I'm like, I'm 19 and white.

Like, like, Lithuanians famously not white. Yeah, that's fair. One was Lithuanian. One was Polish, I think. Tomas. I think they drink harder than we do. Like those Eastern Europeans, for sure. I promise you they do. One of them was a full-blown alcoholic. You worked at a barback at a place called Goldfish out here in Atlanta, like a nice restaurant. And the other was just an alcoholic. So, like, Tomas would start drinking as soon as he could, as soon as he got off work. But he drinks at work because he's a barback. He's constantly drinking with customers and drinking with baritenders and stuff and like getting full. free drinks. Oh, a misspour. Have that. Like all night. And so he'd come home drunk, drive home drunk. And then he'd drink like two bottles of wine before bed, that kind of shit. Oh, fuck. Like by himself. Or he drank like a 12 pack by himself, like listening to techno. And like, you got to remember, this is during that time where I had flooded my apartment and I was

essentially homeless. And these guys had taken me in. I'm 19, my first apartment ever. I've flooded it. I'm homeless and my buddy Saul who's 25 is like, you can come live with us. We've got a couch. You can crash on. We work together. So we can drive to work together more and save you money there. And I was like, thank you.

I need that so much. Like I'm fucked here. And so like I didn't want to complain because I'm living on their couch. But Tomas comes home at 1 a.m. 2 a.m. From being a barback. You know, the restaurant closes. He finally gets home.

I have work at 8 in the morning, 9 in the morning at the car dealership. And he's bumping techno. on speakers that are 12 feet from me. Not in a different room. His PC is in the living room with speakers. He doesn't have a headset. And so he comes home and he drinks an entire bottle, maybe two,

of wine while I'm laying on the couch trying to get sleep for bed for work in the morning. And he's, and it's going, oint, oint, oint, oint,

dot, da, da, da, da, da, da, don't, um, um, and I would, like, look up from, I would like, look up from the covers. And he was just over there, like,

Yeah. It's like techno Viking. Fucking yeah. Like he's just staring at like a crazy pattern on the screen oscillating while he just finishes his second bottle of wine. That was my life for like a fucking two years. That was rough. That sounds like a fucking nightmare.

It was a nightmare. I was always sleep deprived. I was always sleeping in it like early in the morning in a car dealership. You don't sell many cars. Like nobody comes at 9 a.m. to buy a car. So I would just go out in the car lot, find a nice expedition, escalate, something with heated seats. take a little nap in there till noon

that's when the customers are coming anyway what would you do if somebody else was showing off the car is they're like yeah oh yeah it's great everybody understood everybody was like chill with it like I wasn't the only one sleeping in cars and if they found me out there I'd just let play it off and oh yeah look at the fucking

leg room back here it's crazy huh I was just checking this one out oh man you could sleep for four hours back yeah a comfortable a full grown man can lay down to the back seat and take a nap for two or three hours. If it rained,

like a rainy day at a car dealership, especially like a dark, like overcast, rainy afternoon on like a Tuesday, nobody's coming to buy a car. So I'd go out,

hop in that expedition, escalator, whatever, pop in a DVD, like chilling, like in the backseat reclined watching a movie or whatever. You know, if I got customer calls

and take them my phone, nobody fuck with you. It's a wonderful job selling cars. You have a lot of autonomy. Nobody fucks with you. Most of those guys are on drugs

or something crazy anyway. Are they like on Coke? Like Wall Street, money never sleeps? Most of them, honestly, it wasn't drugs, it was women. That was like the number one, like, problem that they had. Like, they were spending most of their check at the strip club and on alimony and on like side chicks and shit. So the guy would be making $15 grand a month and he would be broke at the end of the month every month.

That sucks. That's a really sad existence. Yeah. I've got to try. So bad. I'm sorry. I hate to leave on trout. You're okay.

I've been trying. I got a piss so bad and just hit me. I have been trying. Zach, help me out here. This is my fifth one down. Fifth one down. I am trying so hard to keep up with trout. Oh, dude, don't even.

He's a disease. There's just a way. We should probably after this like probably reach out to him, right? You know, in private and be like, hey, man, that was, that was really fun that you came on the show. We appreciate you. Man, especially on short notice. I know it was a weird thing to happen and all.

but you drink a lot. He's got it worked out. Hold on. Better idea. Make fun of Taylor for not keeping up. Pussy! As long as I'm ahead of Kyle, I'm happy. Don't let your wife see this.

She knows what's going on. She can hear me. I got a problem. I'll be back. She's in the living room playing oblivion right now on her second or third character. Nice. She had never played video games, really, until we started dating. And I was like, you know, I think you'd really like these, like, world exploring games, like, Skyrim and Oblivion.

And she, like, immediately got addicted to them, like, where she was like, this is incredible. Like, we'll be sitting there, like, watching TV. And I'll be on my phone, not really paying that much attention whenever we're watching. And she'll be like, since you're, like, not really watching this oblivion, right? Like, can you change the input on the TV to video game for Oblivion? And then she'll just play that all night. And it's fun to, you know how it's fun to see people adopt your enjoyed hobbies where you have a hobby and you see someone get into that. And it's like, oh, this is really neat.

Like, it's cool to see their infancy in this hobby. And that's what I thought. It's also frustrating to watch people who suck ass at video games. It's like, why are you looking? Looking at this guy, how incompetent. You know, I picked this up quicker than you did. Dude, unironically, for the first, like, like five hours, she was playing oblivion for the first time.

Or I guess it was Skyrim at the time. But I was like, oh, my God. Like, babe, you got to have your thumbs on both sticks at all times. Like, you can't be taking them off and resting. Like, you can't just walk, like, because if you walk down a hill, you're suddenly not looking down the hill anymore and you're just looking into the sky at like tree tops and shit. Hate that.

I think you've been at the same thing with your wife because she's a, or has she, does she like watching you game or is, does she independently game that often? Both. But when she plays games, it's mostly Lego games lately. They're incredibly easy. Have you ever seen a Lego game?

No. If you die, there are no consequences. Your little character just breaks into pieces and then comes right back where he was and you keep going. You don't even have to restart from a different point. You just restart right where you were. That's absurd.

There has to be some kind of punishment. No, no, no. You just feel like, ah, shucks to heck, and then you keep playing. And then meanwhile, you're playing the most ruthless game imaginable. Meanwhile, I'm doing like Roon Level 1, Eldon Ring runs. Has there ever been a time when she was, like, sitting there with you playing Eldon Ring? and like you're struggling with the boss and she's like you just have to dodge at this point and that point and you're like no but she will give advice like this boss is weak to strike damage and you're using slash damage like my best slash weapons level two and my best slash weapons level eight my strike is level two like it while he might be weak to that that weapon is so bad I'm going to spend three and a half hours looking for smithing stones to level it up. I'm getting little in the weeds here, but it's like you don't, your advice isn't crazy,

but in this case it doesn't fit. It is frustrating watching someone who doesn't know what they're doing playing a game. I experienced that with both Scum and Vovity when they played AEO2 with me because they're, they're like, they're incredible gamers, way better than me, but they're first person guys. And those guys don't do well when they transition to RTS. And so, like, I would be doing my shit and everything. And I'd click over to Vaviti's base. and he'd be like, I think I'm doing all right.

And I'd be like, yeah, but like those six villagers standing there, they got to do something. They got to do a job. You got to tell them to do something. Make them chop wood. When in doubt, just make them chop wood or build a farm or something. And yeah, they didn't play too much after that. I had a moment. All right.

This is a bit of a thing. But because I'm setting up the Spotify stuff, I'm seeing the comments on Painkiller already. you guys hate me I'm doing so normally I don't like get exposed to all our comments they're just the same good comments I think they're coming from Podbean

but it doesn't matter we're getting comments on it and they're just like they're ripping the fuck out of me for wanting that AI monitor that's not out yet because it like helps you see people and he's clearly cheating it's not cheating it's just setting up my

computer to give me an advantage of the other players don't have. Why don't you see this? Right. It's so confusing. Well, anyway, I'm playing this game Marathon and a big part of my play style is having more information than the other guy, and that means footsteps and audio. So I downloaded this equalizer program, and I boosted the footsteps and like sort of suppress the explosions a little bit. I'm playing with randoms, and they're like, oh my God, that was a pleasure to watch. You were like John Wick. Like they went down. I wipe the other team. I save mine, brought them back up.

And I don't normally hear that. It's not cheating, guys. I'm just having an advantage that the other players don't have. Would you get it through your skulls? It's not cheating. Just make more money. Losers. Get better.

Then you get a king. How are you on 10 already, dude? Well, okay. Equalizer to boost. I got nine dead ones. I'm on my 10th one. I don't know the rules. I have five dead ones. Okay, so then I should be at nine. I'm sorry, Zach.

I held up 10 thingies, but I'm on my 10. Also, I just took the longest piss of my life. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I thought I was done and I was like, let's see if we can muscle a little more out. And it's just like, oh, my God, there was so much more I didn't know about. You ever do that? You're sitting and, like, taking a shit and you pee while you shit because that's how it goes.

and then you get in the shower afterwards, and then you're like, the hot water hits you, and you're like, wow, there was even more pee in me. No. I use a pee vacuum.

You don't use that? I don't have a piss vac. No. Yeah, it's like a penis and large vacuum, but it helps you get your pee out. Yeah, sure. And you pee into it?

Well, you have to. You know, it's one to hide in there. You can't let it hide. It's bad for you. I'm going to do some creative sobering for this ad rate. Thank you, blue-chew. I'm not that drunk.

I'm just so goddamn full. I really underestimated how much volume fucking six beers was going to be in an hour. Dude, that piss cured me. Oh, my God. You're like a half the man you used to be. And a gallon of fucking. Where's banquet sitting inside me?

I feel great now. I'm fully refreshed. I'll be honest, for the last like 15 minutes, I've been very apprehensive about the conversation because I've been thinking only about how badly I had to piss and strategically where I was going to time it. Oh, you've got to go. You should just go.

I will win the drinking episode. Yeah. You've won. Stand down, don't. Don't say that. Don't say that. No, yeah. Keep going.

Oh, really? You think you're going to outpace him at this point when you're one behind against an alcoholic? well you know oh you're at eight what's the miracle on ice right that you know or little giants you've been like 30 years since that happened 40 you remember uh little giants where they have that that fictional child remember that conversation where they they say one time one time like we may lose 99 times out of a hundred but one time that was their yeah that was their thing you don't have any faith in me being the

guest on the episode immediately following the U.S. Olympic hockey team win when you were on vacation brought me so much joy. I love it so much. I brought it up this now. You did hockey talk while he was going. He talked about it. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a dead topic. Yeah, we've just talked about that so much.

We beat the death while you were gone. No, that was two hours. the episode I came back, it was Woody made me laugh so much when I talked about it for like 90 seconds and Woody was like, well, that's enough of that. And then he's right down.

Rob it up. We're doing four hours ago. And I want to talk about the most important hockey game since the Blues Family Cup win in 2019. And Woody's like, ah, sick, dude, tight. Yeah, those,

he's just playing the music. Hockey, burnt peanut, TV show. That's another thing that comments ripped me on. Apparently I edged a bird peanut. Listen, I've definitely banged with him in the background, but I don't edge to him specifically. He wasn't part of the process.

He seemed to be a big fan. Yeah, I guess. That's definitely true. You're always talking about goop. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. I'm gooping. Yeah, you're always gooping. I'm goopin.

I'm going to goop. Do you like genuinely enjoy his shit? Dude so much. I watch literally six days a week. I catch him. Really? Yeah. It's too much.

Really? And what do you mean by too much? Like he's just too big of personality? Yeah, like over the top. Like it feels like he's making. Excuse me. Like, uh, like it feels like,

yeah like over the top almost like it's like a all right it might be true that the day is done have a gummy or two to help me go to sleep peanuts that much better i like an understated twid streamer i like a guy who like okay fuck shit up and then he's like oh that was pretty good like that's why i look landmark is that guy landmark will walk in there fuck the whole other team i'd be like huh well that was that was something all right let's see what salute looks like And it's like, you just killed five fucking six people in like 35 fucking seconds. They're all dead on the floor. He's like, yeah, you know, that happens.

Every time I watch Bert BNet, I'm annoyed. I don't like V-tubers in general. No, that's understating it. I hate V-tubers. I hate the whole like silly cartoon persona thing. It's like just be you. Just show me what you look like. He's a P-tuber.

I don't want you to be disparaging his name. I got nothing wrong. You know, I hope he makes a ton of money. I hope he's able to retire from what he makes off of like two or three fucking games. I got nothing against him. I just don't like the genre of YouTube or of Twitch streamer, I guess, V-Tuber, whatever you want to call it. There's a lot of content where I'm like, you're wildly popular, but I don't like you. So you're just not for me.

It's not that you're bad. It's that like 50-some-year-old white guys aren't your demo. I get it. Like dads aren't your thing. Like you have a younger clientele. But for some reason, I get peanut. he can tell the same joke every night and I like it every time. I do like so much.

It's disgusting. I was to say that, that, yeah, I lost so much volume in my midsection after that gigantic, annoyingly huge piss. I'm feeling great again. Yeah.

It will come back. One of my, no, mine was stupid. You go first. No, I was just going to, on the peanut topic,

there's like one clip of him that keeps getting recommended. He just seems like too much, like he said, it's just like not from, me. One clip, and it's, I think they're playing art creators and the girl's trying to call out a shot.

And she's like, they're up at the, like every time that comes across my feet, I'm like, okay, that's pretty funny. Good cops, good cops. Everybody, they're by the. I saw that live and then I saw it as a short and I've seen it as a short since then.

And I'm too big a fan. The people who say edge to peanut, you don't know that for sure. That's what autism is about people. You hyper-focused on one thing, and you become an expert at it or an aficionado at it or like an operator at it.

Like depending on what it is, you become hyper-focused on these things. And we move from thing to thing. It's just a disease. That's not even autism. That's just hyperfixation, which I think is a normal mouth thing. You think it's a male thing? You think it's a little OCD maybe too? I think that's why males are more successful at things. Like, I don't have another reason why men dominate chess.

Right. Why is it that 10 out of the top 10 best chess players ever are boys? Are they smarter than girls? I don't think that's it. Girls are in a way that applies to chess, maybe. Maybe like the spatial reasoning and the memorization of various. openings and and and uh and uh it has to do with and then and then also like i don't know like like dudes get into nerdy when dudes can't get pussy they get into like nerdy shit and they fucking like bathe in it and become one with it and chicks don't do that like rarely become obsessively

into one silly thing i don't think it's about not getting pussy i uh if you're not playing chess I think it's about hyper focusing. I think guys are just more likely to hyper focus and that makes them hyper good at things and chess would be an example. It's just basic male versus female intelligence bell curve distribution where if you meet like the vast majority of complete inept retards you meet are going to be male.

But also the majority, because the male bell curve of intelligence is, is shallower. And so most of the dumbest people you'll ever meet are men, but also almost every super genius is a man. And so they're more distributed on the edges of that spectrum of intelligence, whereas women are more clustered towards the middle. Women have a really spiky bell curve in the middle. I get that.

It makes more women average and more men well above or below average. Cool. Maybe that's it. I don't know. I think that boys just have a tendency to hyper focus on shit. And that's why they're better at video games and certain sports and certain, you know, things like chess or even computer programming. Like they just hyper focus and become specialists in a thing. I think that's a guy trait.

It's definitely a guy trait. But that's a consequence of that shallower bell curve, right? Like if there was ever a time that women were going to be competing with men in chess, it would be right now. Like there are no restrictions. There are nothing for a century. They've been liberated and allowed to compete and do whatever they want. And they're still not there. And that's just, that's because like, God damn it.

Like for the same way none of us could play Magnus Carlson in chess, like they just don't have the, they don't have the sauce. A lot of women just don't have the sauce for it. I saw a video that was going viral on Twitter, which it was a female grandmaster. playing chess against a 11-year-old like prodigy boy. Oh, the good-looking chick. I saw that same one. Yeah. And it was basically her being like, oh, you want to play?

And he's like, I want to play. And she's like, I'm a grandmaster. And he's like, but you are a female grandmaster. That means your Elo is around 2,300. Like not even being mean as much, just being like, but you are a female. And like just being like an autist. And then he destroyed her. And he was like, I hope that.

one day you're proud to have once played me. And I was like, down by his knee. It was more brutal than your, your slap. But I mean, from the video at least, it doesn't seem like she took umbrage with it

because the women in those positions, like the very high IQ women that are playing the chess like that. Like, they're not ignorant. Yeah, it's only stupid women. They get all uppity about that stuff. Stupid women don't give a fuck about chess. You don't think so?

No, stupid people don't care about chess. Most people don't care about chess. I don't care about chess. I catch that hot chick every now and then. I like when they play the street hustlers, like the guys who are in like Central Art, like playing speed chess. I like when a grandmaster sits down with them

and they're like, what's your Elo? And then they're like, what's that? And then they just, at the end, it's actually 2000. Fuck you then. Like, like, but people are watching this. Why have you come down here and done this to me? Like, I play in the park for a living.

Oh, they're playing for money down there? Um, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think that like, like, street hustlers do like,

like, like, like, in Central Park and places like that. They do like speed chess. I think they often play for money and stuff like that. And then, what is like?

Like, it's just you only have three seconds or something. I think they have, it's usually they have like two minutes to make all of their moves. So they're like, may move in three seconds and hit the clock and then your timer starts going down and then when you hit the clock, mine goes down and I make my move quickly. Interesting. So if you have

an opening like that you clearly you'd have an opening memorized. So just every one of your first like five or six movies are just pop up up up up up up I see you've played the dumb gay idiots scambit. You have to decide whether it's smarter to take like 12 seconds to make a good move or a fast move. It's fun to watch because it happens quickly. You run up time very quickly. Like very quickly you're like, okay, well, I'm just going to lose. I've got 17 seconds left here.

Beat your opponent or you can make your opponent run out of time as another factor. I was in chess club the last two years of grade school. Gay. I played. It was a little gay. Did you get laid or were your butt too tight? Well, I was 10. Too tight, right, right.

I was and a Protestant, so averted. Yeah, no, didn't seize me with intensity, the desire to play chess. You're just drinking that out of the bottle. I thought that was normal. That's not what you do. No, that's a bottle of liquor. You put, you either take a shot or you mix that. Actually, you know what? Don't listen to Taylor. He's a real pussy.

Yeah, what's your review of the taste? I kind of just tonged it. If you look, I took it. from the ridge to here. Get in there like a cowboy. And now you're at 0.052. You got to guzzle. Guzzle, my friend. Throw one back.

Let me check it on my... Just got to do the breathalyzer. Damn it. I wish Woody and I had breathalizers. I had one from eight years ago. I don't know where it is right now. It might be in one of those closets. It's so cold.

It's been sitting in that ice. So cold. There was a $125 breathalyzer, but I was like, no. There's no way it would work that much better. Even all of these breathalizers, it's like, we're not thinking so goddamn mark. We're not taking a long enough break.

It's like a model trying to decide if you really wants that contract or not. See, that's that's a large full of price. See, that's not right because there's no way you're at point two. Well, I have had 11 beers, Taylor. It's 11 beers, Taylor. But like, don't you die at like 0.5 or something? If you're good at it, you don't. Only if you're white.

If you're white. White people, I think, I thought, drank the most. Or no, South Korea drinks a bunch too. I think South Korea and Ireland. And what's the other health? What's the other heavy drinking country? Yeah. If you wear a bandana and a bunch of gold chains, are you white?

I think that makes him be white. He's wide adjacent. Okay. Tangentially white. Yeah. That's like what he would wear after. I'm a cracker. After.

I know hard are. Tanzania. Oh my God. This is, how are you at 11? My room suddenly got warm. It's just so much liquid. It's just so much liquid. I'm not even that drunk.

It's just so much liquid. I'm breathing so heavily that I feel like it's going to, like you're going to hear it. I'm struggling with that. You know, I do like these little grenade bottles they make. That's kind of fun. They're just too expensive. How many ounces? 12 standard beer.

My local store didn't have the cans. I had to get there. This is very wild west. dig it. Yeah, it is very well. They're too expensive. Like you're paying so much for the glass. Like I said, the cans are $28 bucks for 30, I think. And then

you can also get the 16 ounces, the pints for like $11 when they're on sale, like $15 when they're not. I like banquet beer. It's what I've been drinking. Like when I drink beer for a couple years. Wow, one gram of protein. Not too bad.

It's our macros. It's our macros. Not bad for 140. 47 calories. It would be worse. Have y'all been watching the war in Iran and the entire Middle East, essentially? I'm just here for the school bombings. Any new ones?

Dude, it's been great. It's been really fun to watch. The Iranians have some cool-ass missiles that I'd never seen before. They've got those mervs, those munitions that are dropping like dozens of warheads with each one. It's a crime to record them. That's why no one, as far as I know, has any footage of the MIRV making contact. Some British citizen got arrested in Dubai, or maybe UAE, may the same thing, for recording a missile attack. If you record the missile attack and upload it on the internet, it's a crime and they'll arrest you and prosecute you.

And the reason for that is obvious. Like the Iranians can look at your video and determine they're targeting. They'd be like, oh, a little to the left, a little to the right, right? so they don't want people to do that. So there's no, there's no video of the impacts and stuff. So you don't get to see what happens. Is Berg something we don't have?

No, that we've had since the 50s. It's a warhead that breaks into a bunch of individual warheads. It's one missile with like dozens of warheads. Kyle, I have a question. I've seen these tankers on fire, one of them U.S.

own, but they're always hitting them in the back. Do you know what they're hitting them with and what kind of damage are they're doing? They don't seem to be in danger hitting them with essentially autonomous speedboats that are loaded with explosives.

Like you call drones. Yeah, like drone applies to so many things. There are, it's an autonomous munition that can loiter and wait and sit

passively until an opportunity arrives. Any of those things apply to, drone applies to any of those things. So I think what they're using is less like, what the Ukrainians use, which is more like a ski-do or a C-do or whatever, we're loaded with explosives and then stealthed out and then low-profile.

What I saw was like a speed boat, like almost like your dad's bass boat or something. But again, like made lower profile more autonomous and loaded with explosives. I saw they hit that, I think, a tie boat. They hit it back by the screws, you know, back by the props. And then I saw an American. I saw an American one. and fully engulfed in flying like fully fucked that one up

that one would look like World War 3 out there like with a mushroom cloud and everything like fully engulfed I saw oil hit well over $100 a barrel What the hell is going on with the oil shit because it's I've seen it go like wop what like

bananas up and down So with the outbreak of the war Are there's like big speculatory investors Well it's not even speculative Like where's the oil coming from right So the serrat of Hormuz has been closed down. It's what we always talk about here, or what I always talk about with the threat to Iran, is they shut down the Strait of Hormuz.

And it seems like they've laid, they have laid mines. They say a dozen mines. They don't fucking know. If they're saying a dozen, then it could be 50 or it could be three. They don't fucking know how many mines the Iranians have laid in the Strait of Hormuz. But like three tankers have been struck by these drones. And they also have these like long range. They look like torpedoes.

but they have like a huge range and they're autonomous and they can go out and seek and destroy like boats. Like the straight of our music. Are they firing those from land? No one knows. I'm sure that doesn't cover Taylor's question. He asked about it going up and down. Yeah.

So it's all speculation, but some of it is like the Trump administration lied and said, yeah, boats are going through the top of the straight. And they weren't. So when they heard they were going through the straight, oil futures went down. And then when they learned they weren't, they were going back up. There was, I forget there was some other example.

Oh, this is a real thing. The Trump administration released a ton of oil from the Strategic Reserve, which, as much as I criticize them, that's a good move. Not only does it lower prices, but you kind of want to sell high and buy low. So they're releasing this oil that surely they bought it lower than $100 a barrel now in an effort to make consumer prices lower. And then at some point, when they feel like oil is low, they'll fill the strategic reserves back up. This is a smart move.

Give credit where credit is due. But those kinds of things, releasing oil from the reserve, claiming that the straight is open, have been causing the price to go up and down. Isn't it crazy how much is contingent on that goofy little straight? Like, it's so geopolitically interesting. I forget if it's 20% of the world's oil or 20% of the world's commerce. It's one of those. Yeah, it's a ton of oil. probably, yeah, one of those.

It makes sense. No, Trump promised to escort the, the oil tankers. That didn't happen. Trump promised to insure the oil tankers. That was like very non-specific and non-binding.

So nobody, at first, everyone bit on that and the price dropped. And now it's back well over $100 a barrel. And it's going to keep going up. The Iranians are not, like, down for the count or anything. They're going to keep harassing the straight or her moves. and they only have to hit one. No shit. Like everybody who knew anything about Iran,

this is not Afghanistan. This is not Iraq. Iran is a real country with 80 million people and a legit military. They can't compete with us one on one, but they can cause a lot of problems. Yeah, I don't know anything about Iran. So I've been like,

in the opening days, all the news I heard was about how good we were doing, how well we were doing it breaking shit. You know, oh, we broke this facility. We broke their defenses. We broke this. We broke that. The U.S. military is unparalleled in breaking shit.

And, but when it comes to, like, actually doing more than, like, busting up a bunch of buildings, that's where air strikes end. We sunk their Navy. And we killed their supreme leader. And the next one and the next one and the next one. Yeah, yeah. That's all the under the umbrella of breaking shit. Yeah.

But now when we come to like changing shit, like really making fundamental changes in the way that I ran operates, that's harder. And we'll see how it goes. It's going to go poorly. It's going to go poorly because they're not going to lose their ability to launch these like one-off drones and torpedoes and stuff. We're going to see an increase of terror shit here at home. I don't know about that. People were throwing bombs like in New York a week ago. They've trained in California. Did you hear that?

No, no, no. that the U.S. government put out a warning to California that they were expecting the Californians to be targeted. And we'll see if that comes true. Ship-launched drones. Is that a thing? Do we not have a ship-launch drones? Okay.

I was like, do they have that kind of range? But now it makes more sense. Can we set that down, though? Like, we have the tech to- If we find it, we'll blow it up. But if we don't know what's coming from, then it'll happen. Like, there's no way. We have the tech to shut that down, right?

Like, I would pray that we have some sort of, defensive missile system. Because I mean, we bought Israel the Iron Dome and maintained that. Israel's the size of like fucking Cleveland or something like that, the whole fucking country. You're talking about protecting California now, the entire West Coast

essentially of the United States. No, we don't have any defenses there. The West Coast of the United States is not littered with Patriot missile systems and like, what is it called? Sea Ram or whatever, whatever that. I would imagine that we would move our ships over there as like,

our ships are in the Middle East. We've got like two or three aircraft carriers. I get it. We do like our number one priority is doing whatever Israel demands of us. But like at some point down that list, it should be protecting our homeland and Americans. I don't know how Iran gets a boat. Taylor, America second. Get it through your head.

America second Israel first. But yeah. Trust me, I love Lindsey Graham. I've seen. Dude, that guy, that guy is one thing I know about Taylor is a huge Lindsey Graham fan. That guy's bananas. He's out of control. He's on TV being like,

I would send every child in South Carolina to die for my Israeli owners. And it's like, this would be, it's a bit of a misquote, but where he's like, we need to be destroying these people because I had gay sex in the capital. And now people know, we'll know about it.

And it's like, number one, everyone knows you're gay everyone knows you're gay stop it cut it out everyone knows you've got fucking ladybug HPV sores on your ass cut the shit

that guy's the worst he might be my least favorite person in all of American politics I fucking hate that piece of shit Lindsay Graham either I think he's got for ice cubes to disappear

one of those two things is true It is normal for them to disappear. You're good. Okay. I mean, I should have had a schedule. How much have you had of that Pink Whitney? Not very much. I just just, it used to be in the black thing here and now we'll do a little more.

Because, so I don't know. You probably don't know this. Pink Whitney is a vodka made by the Spitting Chicklets podcast. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, that's why there's a hockey guy on the front. It's because it's a, they partnered with New Amsterdam vodka to make Pink Whitney because of Ryan Whitney, who was on the podcast, former NHL player, former Olympian. And everyone, like, I remember listening because during the hockey season, I like to listen to spit and chicklets. And he was saying, he was like, it's fucking crazy.

Like, we made this vodka thinking it would be like a special run for all. listeners. And then it turns out the entire U.S. South loves pink lemonade vodka. And so they made it like a mainstay. It's in every gas station, every store. When I go to my local, my closest gas station to fill up, they have those sleeves with like 10 shots of pink. You've probably seen those where it's like a sleeve of all those tiny bottles of shots. You're confusing me with an outsider. I'm an insider.

Fair enough. you're in this. But I remember like taking a little bit of satisfaction from that where I'm like like when it took off years ago. I was like hell yeah. Like I want to see these guys succeed. I want to see them do well. And they are that spit in checklets is the best sports podcast out there if you like.

Does it change them if they got super rich? Because that happened with Brendan Schwab. It was kind of fun at first when they had like this. They did the top rated sports podcast, I think. him and Brian Callahan. And then they started to sell it so many t-shirts. And it seemed like they got high on their own supply a little bit. They just started thinking they were wonderful.

They haven't done that in the same way. And I think part of what caused that is the fact that they were all rich when they signed up. It's a barstool sports podcast. It was through barstool sports initially. And there are clips of Ryan Whitney is the hockey player, the guy Pink Whitney. he is like the only one that talks open shit to Dave Portnoy at that company where Dave will be like you need to do this and that and Ryan Whitney will be like get fucked dude like you think I'm here for like just money I made 25 million dollars in my career I don't need you I don't need anything and he he bullies Dave Portnoy which is very funny because no one else can because they all work for him but he's like no one else can because they all work for him but he's like Like I have fuck you money and I'm also the borderline.

Probably actually not even borderline other than pardon my take. Spitting Chicklets has to be their most lucrative banner. And so it's funny to watch that. And I enjoyed seeing them get more successful. Paul Bissonette, the other host, he was a former NHL enforcer. And so he did not make a ton of money in his career. And now he's on fucking TNT or whatever talking alongside Wayne Gretzky, which is awesome.

Yeah. All right. Awkward pause. Biverrads. You know what? It actually is. Hold on. I need to tighten up my voice for a second. Tell them about our jizzle appeals. I'll be right back.

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just really force it out. No, this was not like a relief. This was more like a notice of things to come. It was a past due notice for six. You've only had, wait, are you on six right now? I've finished six. Yeah, this is

because you told me your goal was 14. Well, I mean, I'm on fucking pace. It's literally the volume thing. I'm not, I'm pretty drunk. I wouldn't want to operate a motor vehicle. I was staggering through the hallway. My girlfriend was like, oh, okay.

I took over a laundry basket, getting to the bathroom, and then I took like an incredibly long piss. Like I said, like it was two pisses and one. Like I finished the first piss, and I'm like, we can muscle more out.

And it was like, whoa, okay, yeah, a lot more out. Yeah, there was a lot more in there. Probably should get that prostate check. This is not good. Oh, you're right on the cusp, dude. Yeah, yeah. The colonoscopy, the prostate, all that stuff.

I've never done any of that. But I am on the cusp. May is, you know, that'll be my birthday. Based on my eating, I think I'm probably going to die of colon cancer. Yeah, you are. You are? You think so? Oh.

You know whose problem that is? Everybody but you. Everybody but me. They're the dead one. They're the ones with problems. Well, I don't want to die. That sounds terrible. Dying sounds.

sounds off. It'd be better to die like rapidly, like getting shot or something. Then go through the nonsense of cancer. That sounds terrible. And also, like, the more we learn, it seems like we don't actually know as much as we like to think about cancer research wise, you know? No. Like, there will be new news about. it all the time where it's like this substance or glucose it all runs on glucose and so cut out sugar and fast if you want to get rid of your cancer or oh you actually need to eat more to support your body as it fights it i don't know the facts but i'll speak them you can't possibly

be on 12 trout that's god damn it i feel like i'm drinking so much and so fast like i'm cooking Also, if you're watching this and I'm checking my phone too often, I assure you something very important is going on. You are good. I need to be attending my phone. Take however much time you need. At the same time, we're doing the show, the people from Spotify are asking me questions. I'm not doing well. Those might be tomorrow morning answers.

Maybe let's... Because my finances are tied up in this, too. pornography I was just sent. He's like, it says here you have. That's Monique Gabrielle. That's my new favorite actress. So I discovered Monique Gabrielle watching a movie called like Night Spurn or something like that. But then I found this other movie today called, dude, I watched this movie today called Evil Tunes.

And it's like, this chick has. Is that Tom Hanks? The most perfect body. Is this that mermaid movie? No. Splash is Philadelphia The AIDS movie Splash is the Murphy movie

This is Monique Gabrielle Chicks is in a bunch of movies though Like she has just enormous Perfect titties Just everything's perfect See if you find a fucking picture Monique Gabrielle that's not just titties and ass Maybe it's the alcohol, Kyle

But this is the best link you've ever sent me I'm a huge This woman has no flaws Like her boobs are a little too big I think we can all agree on that. That is gay. That is gay as hell, dude. No.

What is gone from you? I disagree with Woody on the hair issue. I will disagree with Woody on the hair issue. Oh, my fucking God. I watched a movie today called Evil Tunes. And it's about, that's a terrible. Not that picture.

Find which he's a redhead. Find which is a redhead. That's the way. Disgusting. Evil Tunes is on Amazon. on Prime if you guys want to see her tities and then there's another movie where you see even more where she's just lots of nudity

very comfortable with her nudity and her titties are like perfectly symmetrical and gargantuan King Drought knows what he likes flat chest and hair right so that's her on the left she plays like four chicks so this is a this is a clip

this is a picture from a movie called Evil Tunes on it's on a prime and it's like four hot chicks spend the night at like a mansion to like they're like a cleaning crew and the mansion's like of course like evil and there's haunted shit going on but the mousy

redhead there on the left is our girl and at one point she like examined she like gets sexy in the mirror her titties are so goddamn big they're perfect they're enormous and perfect and her nipples are like perfect like circles

I'm a huge fan like a bull's eye like a bulls like a bullsie I can tell you as a product of the pre-millennial time as an old guy this looks so typical to me i wish that picture was still up but like they take this incredibly hot supermodel most perfect girl ever put glasses on her and pretend she's ugly for the first half of the movie and then they take the glasses off and they're like woohoo exposed i'm like dude i saw it all along

They put their hair up Like a librarian And then suddenly they release the hair And she's like Flowing Like Happens with guys too They'll be like

This is the biggest nerd in school And then they change his clothes And show his washboard abs And it's like Wow That I mean that was Zach just sent What did Zach just send?

My latest link is a video Of her examining her I clicked on it and I see three cartoon women riding bulls with dildos on them. And this doesn't seem right. That's not the link I said. You've got some, that's on you. Every time I click and you ask me to verify my age.

Why now it's going? Why do you keep sending us gay pornography? I'm sending you nothing but big titted redheaded jicks, a big fan of her. For some reason, my malware filter that came with the computer is still. Me not to ignore that. I don't care.

Continue to this website. Oh. That's trying to keep the game. Oh. Dude. You are all you are posting bangers this week. This is, this is great.

You know, this is just great. She's done a lot of nudity. If you look into it, like lots of just full nudity, lots of just full nudity. Every bit of her is perfect. It's,

it's, that's what I do with time, travel. Her name, Monique Gabrielle. That's what you do with time travel. Yeah, I'd go back and get her. Right. My man doesn't kill Hitler. He goes and tries to, he hits on this chick. I'm going for Monique Gabriel before gravity got to her.

I'd also go back in time and fuck Hitler. I'm going back to that you suggested like two months ago is even better than her. Oh my God. That South African chick I suggested is like a perfect, it's like you made her in a fucking bat or something like that. Literally the most perfect. human to have walked the earth that's far she's like she's like tight bodied and like petite with like perfect

everything like even like like i've talked about it's a lot but like i'm i'm a bit of a stickler for pussy like like like like i don't want some like rb's roast beef like we have the meats pussy like she's got perfect pussy like like every like i don't want some like balloon not butthole like perfect butthole like just perfect everything you and i just disagree on everything i keep Keep blowing them balloons up, bro. I'll take the, I'll take the normal chicks. The normal. What's your take, trout?

A little bit of meat. A little bit hanging out. You know, if you're not going to any, then I'm outy. Are you, you're an any guy? You're an any guy? You're an any guy? Yeah, I'm an idiot.

Go to, like, a couple of my favorite subredits are any and are, uh god pussy and you'll find that they have two things in common okay you know they're not very lippy over there all right i don't like lippy women uh in any way uh shape form of fashion now like lips sometimes they look a little nice little something i don't like it i don't like it i don't like your your your your pussy like like blowing a raspberry i'm just i'm less picky with the look of it like i could tell it would it would have to be bananas for me to be like Jesus Christ like like it would have to be out it would have to look like a half baked or a twice baked potato like so much stuff just I like a twice baked potato that's one of my favorite sides for steak especially

but I'm just letting you know I don't I don't want like a bunch of stuff hanging out especially if it's not it's asymmetrical like if like there's like weird colors going on like there's some dark it's like some dark colors oh yeah it's uh yeah sometimes it's like like like dark that would weird colors would be troubling yeah sometimes it's dark Sometimes it's like it's like a when you shave a dog and you're like, oh, you're all sorts of weird colors. You got all sorts of weird colors under that fur. Big boy, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

I didn't know. I had a multicultural fucking talk each old time. I thought you was like me. Yeah. And all of a sudden you shave it down. I think that's a bad word. But I'm halfway with Kyle. Yeah, I looked it up.

it's offensive. But on one hand, I agree the The iny is the most aesthetically pleasing. But hypothetical single Woody there's something hot about the imperfect pussy too. Like, yeah, you monogamous slut. Bring that shit right

here. Like I'm okay with that too. Everyone else said no, but not Woody. Give me that Arby's beef and cheddar, you dirty bitch. We're in the mix now, boys. I'm about to give you my $5 footlong, you nasty ho. Kyle, I need you to chug one.

You're losing to Woody right now. I'm only losing to Woody on the Zach scale, where he's coming up with least a major numbers at a whole... First of all, I've got six empties over here. ...a point for every single sip. Yeah, I don't know about that. Like, like... I got a bottle of wine if we just want to cheat.

No, don't think. Oh, God, I spilt it all over myself. I'm wet. I've got these four, and then there's two more over there that I wanted to show, but I've got all over me now. I believe it. Tell me more about you being wet.

Kyle, can you chugging on right now? Kyle, let's chug one together. I don't have one. I bring two more bonus points. I need it. I need to help. If I do one more, I'm only one behind Trout,

but I'm troubled because he seems a lot, less fucked up than me. Even though I literally outweigh you by 65. You're like, I'm 6-2-160, and I'm like, yeah, I remember wrestling in eighth grade. I'm fishing for a beer right now. I wrestled at 140th grade, which is a normal weight for an eighth grader, by the way. I broke triple digits in 10th grade. That's a normal weight for high school software.

Every time you talk about the, delayed puberty. I always think like, oh, it's probably not as dramatic as he says. But when you say you broke triple digits in 10th grade. I did. That's crazy. You got 10 empties? Brother.

I got 10 empties. I got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. I'm running out of space on my desk for these. And you've got this fucking. I'm going to go get more beer. Oh, fuck. I got to get more beer, too. I was going to say

12 is lame 12 is lame especially when I mean my goal was to crush Kyle by at least three because if I only beat Kyle by one

he could call that a fluke or a miscount or something no I have to beat him by three after how aggressively he said that I that he that I could not out drink him He told me I couldn't outdrink him, even though I'm fat as hell and I'm bigger than him.

Honestly, I know no one has faith in me. But with the way Zach is making up numbers on my behalf, I could win this. This is, and it's honestly, like, in regard to what he, uh, Zach, stop the count. Like, stop the count. He's fucking crazy. He's thinking baby boy sips of him. I think the Voodie 2 for free. Two more for free.

Vote at 9. I'm doing my best. I really try not to phone it in. Giving Woody 4 for that Vooder Ranger was honestly incredibly fair because I was going to say it. I was going to double the strength of our beers. And it's like almost twice as big. And so I think counting that as four is totally. I mean a little rounding up.

But it's roughly. It wasn't three. Yeah, it definitely wasn't three. Way over that. But I want to hold up the bottle. I want to see how much you've sipped to that. Oh, gosh. Am I embarrassing myself?

I'm making my way into the... Just below the... Out of the neck. Yeah. You're starting to make your way out of the neck. Here, we'll do one more. Let me go resupply beers. I'll be right back.

You got to do what you got to do, brother. Yeah, for the record, the sunglasses I was wearing originally, gone. lost. I have no idea where the fuck they are. You didn't put them on my desk? They're just gone. They're gone. They're not here. That's how I feel about four ice cubes. I don't know. One of them I refound mega three. Okay.

I wrote down a weird, I can't even ask this until Kyle's back. Damn it. Okay. Bitch. We have a game coming up. I wonder if it's, he's also not mixing the Whitney. Whiskey, too. I'm confused. What is that? What do you say? The last thing he wrote. He's also mixing the Whitney.

Yeah. Oh, this is Whitney. He wrote correctly. I just don't know my words. Ryan Whitney, yeah. The pink Whitney. And it would be better. Like, Kyle was shit talking it, but if you were to enjoy an alcoholic beverage,

it would be like two ounces of that in actual lemonade. I have lemonade right here. But I could put it in. Oh, then. I would pour a little like I would pour some of that in there unless you prefer the shot and chaser

I kind of like the accountability of drinking it from the bottle like it's real there's no fucking around I'm not joke I'm not like fooling anyone yeah well I don't think anybody thinks you're faking

like and that's always the funniest thing when we do these episodes albeit rare but you'll be like am I faking or am I drunk it's like if you weren't drunk you wouldn't have that thought, dude. Like, I'm telling you, the comments are not,

there were a lot of comments. I was like, I gotta stop reading it. Let's get back to figure it out how to import all the old episodes. Dude, that's a big thing. I literally am like, I have to drink a tremendous amount or the audience is going to say,

I phoned it in. Like, they're going to say, you're gay and you drank less than you thought. And they'd be half right. They would be half right. because I am. Oh, Kyle, with number, is that number? This is a seventh beer?

That's number seven. Yeah. We don't click up that counter until it's done, do we? That rule changed. At first it was when you cracked it, and now it's when you finish it. Yeah, Zach's not very good at his job. I appreciate Jack. Zach's doing his best.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I appreciate Zach I appreciate Zach I do I genuinely White-niting Zach over here I am That's not even white-nating

That's just being like That's like baseline polite dude You reduced you to three You dumb faggot You never worry Zach's always here He's more reliable than the sun See this is the kind of a couple

and it's I'm referring to right here. It's terrible counting. I lost one. My plan was to try and catch up with crap while he was AFK. If I was that, I'd increment the guy defending him by one. I'm just saying. Don't do that. I don't know why he's at seven.

That's absurd. I think it's right. I think it's right. It's the honor. Zach, give what are at this point? No, don't. We can't do bonus points. Because then we all just start talking about points.

Oh, man. I'm getting legit. I'm pretty fucking drunk. Mm-hmm. Man, tomorrow morning is going to be a rough one. Have you considered CBD for hangovers? Have I considered a scam pill with vegetable oil in it? Take one every day for 10 years.

though you don't drink according to the instructions. That's so funny. I think CBD is take it all day. I don't think CBD is bullshit. I think it's bullshit. We know if he does anything. He is psychoactive. So the CBD part must do something, right?

No, they act like it's good for like everything. They act like it's fucking snake oil. They're like, oh, yeah, it's good for arthritis and fucking mental retardation and and fucking scoliosis. AIDS. AIDS, but like, like it, my AIDS is still like just virulent, all right? Like CBD hasn't even taken a, uh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is it CBD in regular pot too? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. All right. Quick question. Do you have spine epipidate? A little.

All right. Well, then it helped. It helped. It's not as bad as it once was. Is that the reason for the podcast jacket? Because you got a big weird nodule. Yeah, it's the hide the nodule. It's to hide the nodule.

There's a goiter. There's a goiter right here under under. I like to keep that out of public view too. Fair enough. What kind of jacket is that? Do you know? We've talked about this so many goddamn times. Armani, baby. I love telling you the same thing 15 times. What was my dog's name that died? No one knows your dog's name. Rock Rutherford. Dack? Dack was Kitty's dog that attacked him.

Is he dead or not? He is dead. He is dead. I paid for the dog. I paid for the dog. I'll take a victory lap now. I'll give you, what did you say? What was your answer? Dax.

Nope. Dack? There you go. I said Dack the first time, but I didn't have confidence in it. I know you didn't. That's why I gave the second try to get it wrong. I really, I dislike Dack as a dog name. Like every dog name should have kind of a Y sound at the end.

Like Murphy. I like that too. Toby is my other dog. Yeah. You should have that little. He was named when I bought him. He was named after Dakota Meyer, the like for the Medal of Honor winner.

Who actually met, he won the Medal of Honor. He's fighting in Afghanistan, I think. He killed the guy with a rock. What? Yeah. Yeah, there were some guys like, I don't remember the whole,

he told me the story in person. Are you thinking of rest? No, no, I'm thinking of Dakota Meyer. He did that shit. He was either in Afghanistan or Iraq, one of those, and there were some guys like hurt or like under enemy fire. And he disobeyed his orders, and he went in with a Humvee to save them. And he was on the 50-cow machine gun.

And he killed like a slew of bad guys on the 50-cow. And then he jumped out to render aid to a wounded soldier. And he was fell upon by like a Taliban insurgent. And they ended up in hand-to-hand combat. And he ended up killing the man with a rock on the ground, like crushing his skull with a rock and then saving his boy. I got to meet that guy and hang out with him for like an evening. And it was the same evening he did like the one of those CNN shows. Like I can't remember the guy's name.

Bill Bill, Bill Meyer or something like that. It doesn't matter. But the dog was named after that guy when I bought him. And it was DAC for short. So can I read this? Under enemy fire, Meyer entered an area known to be inhabited by insurgents and eventually found the four missing servicemen dead and stripped of their weapons, body armor, and radios. There he saw a Taliban fighter trying to take their bodies. The fighter tackled Meyer, and after a brief struggle, scuffle, Meyer grabbed a baseball-sized rock and beat the fighter to death.

Fuck. Not a big guy either. Like not a small guy? picture. Zach, can you show this picture? Because it's typical, like the epitome of not the guy you think is scary. You think the guy is scary

with tattoos and big muscles, but apparently this is one an actual rock to the head badass looks like. Let's see. That's him. No, that's, that's Midwest thick. That boy's strong as fuck. I think he's from Kentucky, if I remember

correctly. So like, I was hanging out with him and it was the night it was the night. We were in New York in Manhattan at some like club or whatever and it was the night he had just done an interview with CNN or somebody like that made Fox News and he was bummed out because they were shitty to

him but he had like a full blown colonel there to like watch him and guard him and make sure he didn't like dishonor the core or something like that and they were both alcoholics. They were both pounding fucking liquor

the whole night they were both wasted it was awesome damn well that's pretty sick I watched all those a medal of honor videos you sent me the four or five nights ago

man that's that shit is especially the world war two ones are so fucking cool because it's like an 85 year old man and I mean these were filmed in you know 2012 or 2008 or something

because they're all dead now But it's so cool to hear them talk about their experience. Have you heard Jeremy Clarkson talk about Porsche? I'm going to mess up this story. But I guess his father was dying in the hospital. And it begins with the details of why his father is a great man. And they called him and they said, hey, you should come now.

He doesn't have much time left. So Jeremy Clarkson hops in his Porsche and breaks every train. traffic law man is created thus far. And he gets there on time. And he's like, I will forever have a soft spot in my heart for that car that got me there in a way a lot of cars couldn't. I was like, oh, fuck. That's a car guy.

That's so sick. And I already, like, I think Jeremy Clarkson is awesome because I'm a big top gear fan. But why the eyebrow race, Kyle? You don't like Jeremy? I don't like it. Oh, fuck. You don't like top gear? You like Jeremy Clarkson?

I mean, I don't dislike him, but I'm just like, I get the shtick. And after you've seen it two or three times, you've seen it. Oh, this is the blah, blah, blah. No, you haven't watched enough, dude. You haven't watched enough. Jeremy Clark. I've seen him do his fucking farm. He's up there trying to grow beats and turn a profit.

He's like, oh, the British farmer is a huge disadvantage. I can tell you didn't watch because he doesn't get him. Growing beats and made no money. Blah, blah, blah. That's your takeaway Clarkson Farm? Clarkson Farm is... I don't like it. It's not for me.

I don't care to see that guy farm. Fake farm. I don't care to see him fake farm in his fake-ass country where farming isn't even possible anymore. That's just... It's entirely possible, and they do farm it.

It's clearly not. Like, a celebrity tried to farm, and there was so many, like, there was so much red tape and bullshit that he didn't turn a profit after professionally farming for a year. He turned a very small profit, and that's what drew attention

to the fact that the British government was making it unpalatable to I mean right now they don't want small farmers they want giant factory farmers because of people like Jeremy Clarkson there's the Reform Britain party now

the Labor Party is it a party over there are they making big changes no no he's Jeremy Clarksman he's the car guy in UK you're being a negative Nelly I'm just being honest it's just what's true I don't care for his shit I don't care for him just shitting on electric cars every week all? No, I don't like it at all.

No, I'd rather watch a YouTuber like Top Gear? No, it's not good. It's silly. I don't think his jokes are funny. I don't think they're made up, contrived scenarios are funny. It's no different than when Bear Gills, it's no different than when Bear Grills would

jump over like molten love and be like, I'm out here surviving like a, like James Bond. It's like, no, you're fucking not. It is a Hawaii, jumping over a tourist attraction. It's very, very, different than it's all contrived it's all scripted it's all bullshit did you see the vietnam one i'm sorry

did you see the vietnam one uh oh yeah where they ride on the bikes and everything and they wrote on boats and they hit the they used their boats and they crashed into every pylon they crashed into other people who i hope were in on the bit because otherwise they were just victims of the show as they rammed their boat into everything that you could possibly ram it into acting like driving a boat is that difficult i've done it many times it's not that bad uh I was like, I just like a little more sincerity in realism, even in my silly shows. Fair enough. Like, whatever you prefer is what you're going to like.

But I love Jeremy Clarkson. I love Richard Hammond. I love James May. Top Gear rocks. Top Gear is awesome. Rank them 3-2-1. Ooh, Jeremy has to be at the top. And then I would say, I would say, I disagree with you there.

I would say, I'd say Hammond is second. And then James May 3rd, but it's a, it's a close battle because I like any guy. Hammond is the one. He's the tiny guy. He's the little guy who fetishizes America. And I love when he fetishizes America because they'll make fun of him be like, Hammond, you basically are American. And he's like, no, I'm not.

Not an American. And then he'll like, they'll have a challenge and they'll both bring like British or European cars. And he'll show up in like a dog. HALCAT. And I'm like, that's sick. Like, I want that guy

repping the red, white, and blue over there. So I, I'm a huge fan. I love. They don't do a real car shit. It's all like service.

It's all like service. They were the ones. No, they don't. They do service. They do surface level for the, the least initiated car, car. I'm not a fan of cars.

I'm a fan of the show. Okay. Well, what's the name of the show again? Top. here. Oh, it's not called the Hammond Comedy Hour. That's not really that funny. Go watch Monty Python. Go watch Monty Python if you wanted some British humor.

Kyle Myers. Grand Tour is what they did with Amazon. It's not funny, bro. The shit's not funny. They're fake-ass scenarios that they make up. It's made up fake reality show drivel. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not invented. It's not real. It's the musings of a British millier that you're watching. It'd be like if a very wealthy American man was pretending to be Russian and shooting guns. I was actually shooting the guns, though.

They're really. They're actually driving the cars. No, they're not. No, they're not. They're not actually driving the cars. I promise you. They're driving. There's always a fucking motive.

There's always a, they're like, oh, American calls are bad, bad, electric cars are bad. And then they make them, they come up with a test that will make them fail for their audience and they laugh at them. It's just like when they went to the south with like their cars pained with like, we love

men or something like that. Oh, look, that was ignorant of southerners are. You don't think that's funny. You don't think painting, I love gay sex on the side of your friend's car and forcing him to drive through southern Alabama is funny, then you've lost your joy in life.

I don't think any of that happened. I don't think it was real. I think it was just like when Bear Grills jumped over that lava and it was actually like a tourist attraction where there's a little bit of warm lava. It was some great. I think I'm getting the boys coming over because you just have Hillary Clinton forever on your head.

Don't you watch that and think, man, these guys have shoulder mounted cameras with stabilizers on. them. And like no one would act authentically knowing that there's a dude there with a camera on a stabilizer. The BAT is there. Like no one is it's all it's all fake.

It's like that Steven's a real badass. He stood up to everyone at the tribal council. It's like no he didn't. It's fake. It's fake. You're being fake. You think you're the first person to notice that reality TV is contrived. No, I'm just the first person Not to be Bucon to buy into it

That award Gold Battle goes to Woody For being You know In this fucking case shit It's bad to your rocks Grant T's tour rocks Clarkson Farm rocks

You're out of your mind And I know You agree Fuck you have another one now Clarkson Farm fucking rocks Love Clarkson's farm I think my head set

is tighter than normal it is it is you want to loosen that up a bit I can tell I think it's because probably we're drinking and so your blood pressure is higher than normal right does the air or wait is it look does your blood pressure go up and down when you drink I don't know I'll ask chat GPT well they won't

that won't sleep you're going to ask chat GDPT where your blood pressure is that sometimes you get up or down when you drink alcohol this is crazy you don't even seem trunk trap I would rather watch like I'm watching a YouTuber who goes to like salvageards

Oh fuck you Like hell cats and demons And like like high end corvettes and stuff And then he takes two or three of them And makes a new one Like that's car TV Like that's what I want to see I want to see someone actually do the thing

Jeremy Clark's a fucking poser He's a fucking poser He couldn't work on a car if he wanted to That guy couldn't change your fucking oil. The joke is that he is, well, he can change your oil, but like as far as advanced like car repair, part of the joke on the show, which you clearly haven't watched enough of, is that it's James and Hammond who are the car experts and can like build and repair a car. I've never seen them do anything approaching car repair. Really, then you haven't watched the Mongolia special. I haven't. I haven't.

As far as I know, I'm better at car repair. and mechanics than they are. And any of them are. I've never seen any of them do anything other than fawn over European car brands and jerk off to fucking Porsche. I've never seen anything but that. It's got this many horsepower and the independent rear suspension. I don't fucking care, bro.

I'd rather see like a dude go and actually mechanic some mechanical shit. They don't do it. They don't do it because they can't. They don't know how. And make and build cars. I've never seen them do it You've seen them build cars Oh there was one special where they built a car

Like there was one special where they built a car Like many times you have to build a car to approve Every fucking fucking episode The people that I watch Every episode they build a car Every episode they build a car Every episode they start with a car That doesn't run and won't work

And they make it a car that runs and works And sells for more than they buy it Well you watch your faggot show But like what is What is funny is that, like, the big argument thus far in our drinking episode has been about whether or not top gear is good or not. Usually. Oh, it's perfectly fine entertainment. I'll give you that.

But don't act like these guys are mechanics. Are they no shit about cars? I'm not. I'm not pretending. None of the three of those dudes could work on a car. None of them could diagnose and fix your car if it was knocking. None of the three of them could fix a car. I like them.

and I like their vibe and they have funny content. And so I watch the show. I don't give it. I don't watch Monty Python. If you really like that bright British humor, go watch Monty Python. No, I don't want to watch a four-man's version of it with cars. But I like this.

It's like watching two women fight. Woody is drunk and he gets it. Why can't you seal that together? It's bad TV. I won't watch it. It's not worth my time. I'd rather take a nap than watch top gear. Oh,

let track go. I was going to say, Taylor is arguing like, no, I just want to watch, like, them building cars and completing the challenge. Kyle is like, they don't know what they're doing.

They are offsetting this. They're subcontracting all of this work to other people. Both things are true. yes i don't care that they're subcontracting electrical work in a okay then watch car what's that show with like j lino or i'm not watching signfield don't watch jerry signfield cars and coffee with fucking celebrities or whatever that's what you like apparently is a funny celebrity driving a car if that's funny to you then go for it big boy but i'm gonna tell you right now i like a guy who knows how to work on a car when i'm watching watching a video about working on cars.

I want him to grab the fucking right crescent rent. Then you're... To Kyle's point, Taylor's pretty big. I am pretty big. Otherwise, he would be able to fit 11 beers in his gullet. Jesus Christ, I'm so full. I'm so full. I'm not even that drunk.

I'm so full. You were so fucking confident. You said there is zero chance that I can drink. I didn't say any of that. You made a thing. I didn't say any of that. You were like, how many beers you're going to drink. I'm like, I don't know, probably

14 for the whole show. Probably 14 for the whole show. I'm on pace for like roughly that. You don't understand math. We're almost, there's an hour left. All right. Well, I'm on pace for 10. You know, like I made you start out a bit. You're ruining the reality show

thing too because I was trying to, I'm building a narrative here. Zach give Woody two more years. Donald Trump's building a narrative. Trump and what do you assume somehow getting like bonus points or something. He's getting extra

credit every time he's the complaints of a guy in fourth place in a competition with four people. Look at how low Woody is sitting in his chair. He's drunk as fuck. That's fair. He's sitting low. He's sitting low. I agree. I don't want to be like phoning

it in and just start dropping. You can do. We do it. Take another, all of us together. Woody. All right. All right. I'm going to finish this. And then. Seven, Jack. Thank you. Oh, my God. You're at

14. Everyone made fun of me for eating 3,000 calories before the show. But now it was a genius room. What are you going to eat after the show? That's the question. You know what I'm going to eat? Yes, I have a whole bag of sun chips and I have a bunch of pretzels that I'm going to make in the oven. And I have a box of toasted ravioli that I'm going to make in the oven. I'm going to eat all of it. I'm doing a chili dog.

I'm doing a chili dog with mustard. That's it. It's chili, mustard. I take the dog and I sloth. slice it at a diagonal on both sides. Then I grill it in the pan with onions. Get it like really fucking dark. Like not burnt,

but like really dark on all sides. I steam the buns. I wrap the buns in a paper towel that's soaked in hot water. I microwave that, that, and then it steams the bun with that microwaved paper towel. Fucking throw that in there. Fucking chili. A little mustard on top. That thing's going

down. I asked my wife to brainstorm on something in the bread family to eat. we're out of pretzels i've had 12 Zach you know what i do if i were you you know baked potato baked potato a little sour cream something like that little salt pepper oh a big tomato would would actually be that's a solid recommendation yeah just lots of starch to help absorb any like extra like drunkenness

that you don't get even drunker than you are cut that shit off at the pass she hasn't read right there i got a piss so goddamn bad i wish it a catheter in like like it's constant like i got to piss so bad ever you guys haven't been pissing right here? I didn't flush. I think right now where I'm not flushing and I'm gonna like, I'm just every piss, I'm gonna see how much I fill the toilet up. A little gross.

All right. Well, before you can do it, I gotta pee. How does it run right? Like that toilet? The toilet gets in the back as well. I don't know how that works. I guess there's a flapper. It's closed. I don't know. What's that? Like, if you fill the front, the bowl part, does the back rise at all?

No, you could fill that. Like you've overfilled the toilet before. I'm sure you've flushed, like, like stopped it up, like taking a shit with too much toilet paper. Like it'll completely overflow if you go too far. When I was a kid, I didn't have a good, like, measure on how much toilet paper to use per wipe. Like I was,

I remember as a kid specifically like, especially like when I'm like nine, eight years old, something like that, like not want to get poop on my hands. So I'm getting a huge wad of toilet paper for every wipe. And also like I haven't been wiping long. So I don't know how many wipes I need.

So like three, four, five, huge, like, roll them on your hand wipes. And I'd stop the toilet up all the time. Everyone knows you wipe it till it's white. Extra credit, red. Extra credit, red, yeah. Yeah, that's how you know you're 100% done. And I clean until it's red.

Yeah, once you're out of skin, you know, you clean. Yeah. I use the, I use dude wipes now, like the wet wipes that are extra large. That was such a leap forward and ass wiping technology. Like all we had was wet wipes for a long time. And they say they'll mess up your pipes. I've had no issues. I've had no issues.

I have a remote controlled toilet with a bidet. It's the one area in which I'm really out of touch with regular people. I haven't touched. I mean, they're like $55, dude. I have a remote control toilet. I press a button and the lid goes up. And the lid goes up and you sit on it and it's heated. In the summer, it's almost too much.

it's uh it's Japanese I don't know where it was made in the nighttime there's a blue glow in the bowl so you know where to shoot I got that okay oh you have that too

yeah yeah I got an attachment so you may have like a fancy toilet but I have a fancy toilet attachment okay which probably pales in comparison to be honest but I do have the blue glow and I do have the bidet but I still use the wet wipes

I find them like soothing if I ever have like a hot shit like I've been eating like like when I do chili or something like that if I'm like dousing that stuff of jalapinos and like Texas pea or something like that and I have a hot shit it's like that that like

the the dude wipes come in a couple of flavors where they come in mint chill and they also come in like cocoa butter I like the mint chill and it's nice back there it really frosty butthole a frosty minty butthole all right

like I don't want to like that I put the bidet on massage mode and linger long enough for it to be a little bit gay. Dude, what does massage mode mean? It goes, and it steers like forward and back. And it's like, God, damn, your aim is really good. Is there a camera down there? How do that? It's a little bit gay.

It's a little gay. There's a little gay, but I'm here for it. I don't know if it's a joke or not. but I heard that there's a Japanese toilet that has a bidet where there's an operator who's somewhere in Japan or something he's just like

he's playing like asteroids putting the crosshair right on your like sweet spot making sure he gets every every kernel of disgusting sounds like a joke after the bidet I turn on the toilet's blow dryer and that's pretty dope too that's nice you got a blow dryer

I don't have a blow dryer I really do I swear God, I hate for people who like make a couple bucks and then they're just not the same person anymore. Like they become assholes. The whole like, imagine not having a Bucati crowd. I fucking hate that kind of guy. But my toilet is like the one area where I'm out of touch with everybody else. No, I agree with that. I agree that 1,000 percent.

You know, we always joke about that that Minecraft YouTuber who immediately bought $5,000 leather pants. Yeah. A fucking loser. You're fucking loser. You know what that would have been in the end? S&P by now, you fucking dumbass. Right, right.

I know that guy. I was there for those pants, but yeah. Yeah, it's absurd. Like, just blowing money on stuff. Like, it's not, you get a skate, just take dinner and a Coke in a bottle. One thing, but if you're

signed it's a pen with their pants, you're an idiot. Both Kyle and Woody, you're getting a little a little too sober. I need both of you to do a little drinking. I'm drunker right now than I've been all night. I, I, I am. Get it together. Do you know, do you know how how fucking drunk I am.

I'm not one to resist peer pressure, okay? Woody, oh, wow. King Woody's doing it. Kyle, come on. Slam the beer. It's a lot of things to me. The last time I drink, like, more than two beers in, like, an evening was, was the last drinking episode.

I'd usually drink, like, like, with dinner sometimes, I'll have, like, a glass of wine or two beers, get a little tipsy. It makes the spaghetti or whatever I'm cooking taste better. Makes me hungrier. Makes me able to eat a little bit more. Makes me more like silly and laid back. But like I don't drink. You know?

I think it's a- Frankly, Taylor, I think it's kind of a bad habit and kind of a bad look. Oh. I didn't even hear you. Not you try out. Don't take any strays from that.

You're fucking out. No, I feel personal. Oh, you're cool of shit. You got that fucking conspiracy board behind you, dressed like macklemore, drink 50, and I'm going to sing your praises. All right, this is about Taylor and his large fucking head. And the way he's like gooning beers right now, like some sort of a barbarian. I'm crushing you.

I'm crushing you is the problem. It's probably a volume. It's that you've stretched your stomach out like a horse pussy. You've got a horse. You've got a horse stomach is what you have. You're like the Riley Reed of stomachs of stomachs, right? right now. You've had so much black cod. You've had so much that number under my name. Because in your stomach that it is blown the fuck out for a white man's beverage and you're flexing it.

Like that's something to be proud of. Okay, Lindsay Graham, show me your ladybugs, you bitch. Look at how frantic he is. Frantic? I think you meant frenetic. I think you meant frenetic. Fantic? Frantic? Did you think frenetic would be a more, less? Did I? Did I think that?

What I think is that you're just binging. I'm crushing beers because I'm going to dominate you. And I am dominating you. It took a minute and a half. You said that you would drink more than me and I am beating you in a way. It's unbelievable how much I'm doing it. Taylor, help me form a picture. When you dominate Kyle, what are you wearing?

I'm putting it in his ass, and I'm making him dress like fucking Sailor Moon. Yeah. Are there any chap? Zach, show me Sailor Moon real quick. I need to know if I could co-sign on this. Zach, is that the blue like, like anime girl shit? I actually wouldn't like that because as much as you say your butthole is clean, I bet it's not. And so I don't.

You have no idea, dude. It's sparkling back. Is it like it? Do you have a nice buttonhole? Take my word on it. Not only that, like it's a pretty one. Like it's not a balloon, not back. All this seems like cope to me because you said you would outdrink me and I'm thrashing.

Oh yeah, I got that outfit. Yeah, I have it too, but we don't want to rock the shit out of that. All you guys in your old ass buttholes. I got a brand new one at 26. I got the youngest butthole here. I didn't worn out jackasses. Do you have a nice butthole, Kyle? I have a sparkling.

like beautiful butthole it is very pretty like girls are all about it like I'm gonna tell you right now like I've never had a girl turn it down he's always bad just like it's like it's a fucking all you can eat buffet you know what I mean like I just presented

her with fucking supley or something like that like made him like I just gave her a Morton souffle that's how she Yeah but if you didn't have the gun would they have done that? Ever since my co-steady I always have the gun I'm like the product of plastic surgery.

I'm cosmetically perfect. Youngest butthole in the show. Youngest butthole? I'll give him that. I give him that. I have put my butt hole through, through wars. I want to tell Taylor Butthole story,

but he's married now, so I probably shouldn't. My butthole? Yeah. My butthole fires off. You used to text me things. I used to text you things. Yeah.

you want to have sex again ask her well she wouldn't recall that she wouldn't be like she wouldn't get sluts I'm right here she's one of those I don't know but what I know I'm seeing is a 12 under my name and a 7 under yours

I'll admit it yeah you've absolutely dominated um I would say I'm like a five out of 10 drunk like well I wouldn't drink and I feel like I'd get pulled over if I were drunk. Maybe not pulled over, but I'd be in trouble if I get pulled over. Like, I'm that level drunk.

I feel like I confidently drive across town right now. I'm not, like, wasted or anything, but I'm just so full that I'm breathing heavy. And it's making it hard to, like, talk to you guys that I have to, like, stop and breathe a lot because I'm just so full of liquid. I've been disliking that because I feel the same thing where I have to, like, like, take a big breath all the time because I'm, Yeah, I'm really full of liquid. I've never drank this much beer in my life. I've always drank, like when I've drank heavily, I've always done alcohol, vodka or like tequila or like a hard drink.

Oh, I couldn't. That's what I've done in the past. Like if you go back to like the last drinking episode that I remember, I drank about like over a fifth of vodka. And then the one before that was the one when I was drinking tequila. And I went hard in the pain on sailing the la vagabond. So I'm not nearly that drunk. But in both of the.

those shows I had like over a fifth of vodka and then plus some or something like that but it's just hard to get this much fucking beer in me I got a piss so bad right fucking now I have to piss so bad ooh

I never that was a mournful burm that was the burp of a man who's lost it all That was two. That gives me the 14. So I'm briefly tied with trout.

But he, troublingly, he seems to be less fucked up than me. Yeah, he's hitting it. It's dry. I'm trained for this. Oh my God.

I literally, I crushed. I crushed two there, Zag. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is, this is hard.

I'm really trying to tee off and to dominate Kyle. If I could double his total. You were currently doubling his total. But his, because every additional one he drinks, I got to drink two more. I don't know how much more I have in me, but I'm really, I'm really trying to, because he was, as much as he denies it, in the chat, he said, you're crazy. if you think you can drink more Coors banquets than me. And that's not true, clearly.

How do you like that? Is it not that bad? It's not that bad. It's not that bad. I would give it that thumbs up. If I think it's tolerable, then most people will think it's good. For sure.

Yeah. But I'm not. You also thought that beer was tolerable. And that's a beer. I don't know if I've had that beer, but I think it might be like it's in point five words. Yeah, 9.5% is so much for a beer that usually makes it taste pretty rough. I don't even know what this means.

Hazy Imperial IPA, juice force IPA. Honestly, I think peanut might have been on to something with this voodoo ranger. Like, I feel like for its alcohol content, it wasn't that much harder than a regular beer. Is that what he gets drunk on every night? Yes, primarily. Okay. Yeah. He actually, it turns out he has a Voodoo Ranger sponsorship.

Wow. That part I know is true. The part I'm making up is I think it came organically. I think like it happened because he liked it so much and not he likes it because he's sponsored. But I just made that part up. That's fair. I mean, yeah. He has to like it a lot if that's what he's drinking all day every day.

Yes. And he's doing so well. He's got a lot. I saw his picture. He's. I don't know. It got leaked. Someone wrote an article about him and he streamed it, him reading it.

He didn't realize his real life picture would be in the article. So he accidentally leaked his own picture. And I would describe him as cute. He was younger than I thought he was. His voice sounds like he could be in his 40s, but his face looks like he's in his 20s. And he was cute. Okay.

He looks like he's not like devastatingly handsome. He's not like clavicular or whatever his name is. But yeah, he's not bad looking either. Yeah. Isn't that a funny trend? Like seeing the like I was, I bone maxed. And then, oh, that's it. That's the picture that I'm talking about.

Do you think I did him justice? He's cute but not clavicular. How old is he? Well, this is all I have to go by. Would you call him 27? He lies about his age. He doesn't tell you. I would say mid-20s based on that, but that could be an old pick.

Yeah. There's no, like, you can't drink that many IPAs every night and then not be fat. Like, because all those beers have like 200 calories or more. like they're huge yeah I guess chat hates me talking about because I expose myself to comments during this Spotify transition

I feel all right if your goal was to hurt me chat you've hurt me thank you leave money alone but I lost my train of thought on that he's really smart

in some ways like he has a business degree from college and you can see come through and he's really dumb in other ways. He's about her peanut? Yeah, he has no idea what quinoa is like, yeah. He doesn't know what quinoa is? Right. It's like worst rice.

Dude, when I, it's like 10 years ago now, I was dating a girl who I think she was, I don't know if she went full vegan. She definitely went full vegetarian. Maybe she went vegan too. It was like partially because of she had like digestive issues, but she was eating that fucking quinoa and she'd

make these dinners with like Greek, yogurt and grilled chicken and quinoa and god damn if i wouldn't have to power through them just just just gritting my teeth it was so awful the things we the things i've done for women oh eating that fucking keenwa when i'm thinking to myself like white rice would be so delectable right now what's the farthest you've driven to get laid yeah oh that's embarrassing how far did you drive to get pussy from northeast Georgia to Tampa

Florida that's like nine hours so there was no one in an eight and a half hour radius who would fuck you yeah at the time at the time you know you know I'm a real nine hours it's like nine hours yeah Yeah, like, I think it is nine hours.

Like, it was all nice. Well, I didn't live in Atlanta at the time. I lived in like Northeast Georgia, almost South Carolina, like closer to Anderson than South Carolina than Atlanta. Oh, and like, there was a time when like YouTube started popping off and like girls from all over were like, oh, I wish you were here. And I'm like, fuck, I can be. And, you know, I would go. I would go, like, wherever they were. And so, like, yeah, like, probably, probably drove nine hours for pussy before.

I actually Googled it. Google says it's eight hours, which could easily be nine if you stop for food and gas. I didn't. Full shot. Just to all the way there. Okay. Maybe you could even be the eight hours. I don't know.

But, yeah. Did you fuck him without a condom? Oh, yeah. In the ass. Hell yeah, dude. In the ass. Yeah, there was poop that came out, and I wiped it on the back of, like, the headboard. That's just horrible.

Yeah, you hate that. You hate that. But, you know, it's just the price you pay when you go in the back door. You know, sometimes... Yeah, sometimes there's an unexpected delivery. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, it's hard to complain about that. I was like, oh, there's shit on my hand now.

And I literally wiped it on the back of the headboard. just went back to work, you know. As you do. Yeah. As you do. I'm a veteran. You know, I all gave some and some gave all.

I did that once with the girl, where I put it in the behole, and there was poo. And so, and I was wearing at the time of a t-shirt that had chummy. That had chum-lead.

honest. And Chun Lee? Like for Mortal Kombat? No, Chum Lee from Pond Stars. That's way less cool. Bringing Chum Lee. Zach, show us Chum Lee from Ballinstar.

I did the Nessia. And then as I it was coming out, I was like, there's a lot of poo on there. And so I took off my Chum Lee shirt. How much poo was there? I removed it. It was enough to be alarming. and I used my chumlee t-shirt. Have you been living on a diet of nothing but nut-rageous bars?

I just like pulled in chung-lee. You were wearing that shirt, ass-fucking a girl, and then what? And then, you know, shit got real. And so I took this shirt off and used it as kind of a way to pull it off of my, off of my peen. this. What item was she attempting to sell? No, she wasn't selling chumly stuff. No, I just had a

chumly t-shirt that I wore, which in retrospect is fucking absurd. I can't believe a woman allowed that. Like, you fuck the girl wearing a chumly shirt? Yeah. Was it in the style of the Obama

Hope shirt? Uh, it no. No. No. because I'm giggling it. It was like a black picture of him on a solid white t-shirt. And so then I took the shirt off, used that to like almost like,

whoop, like, keep the nonsense out. And then I threw that away. And I didn't. Did you put it back in her after that? No. I just got a nasty yeast infection. It was literally something like this. Yeah,

texted me one night. And he was like, I just made this chick eat my ass. It was so dirty. and sweaty. I can't believe it. Yeah. I mean, sometimes those guys will get nasty for you.

Nasty on Tinder. Anyone who didn't live through Tinder has just missed out. I feel like you missed out on the Renaissance. Like you did experience Leonardo Leonardo da Vinci. Yeah. The girls on Tinder no longer doing that.

I don't know. They don't need a dirty ass anymore. You got to clean it up. Yeah. Yeah, these days. Yeah, they don't want to They don't make it like they used to No, no, there was some

There was some hose back in 2020 I didn't want to make her feel bad And so I just cleaned my penis with the shirt And then threw it in the garbage Yeah, what do you say? Because like, like you don't want things to stop You don't want to call like a halt to the proceedings As it were

But you also would wish You there weren't like nutty buddy shit on your cock right now And because that's kind of a turnoff as well. Yeah, I've only had that happen like twice, twice. Usually like I give them a little pep talk before like, yeah, I bet you cleaned out for like a solid 20 minutes. You probably fasted the day before, right? Right. No, this girl did not fast the day before. She had, she must have had my eating style the day before. Fucking a jambalaya.

Oh, I had a muscle jubalaya, Mr. Taylor. You fucking Cajun ass. You got to know better. You're getting fucking crawdads and shit. It's a mess back there. It was. It was not, Trout,

did you participate in the Trinter Renaissance? When did this occur? 2020. Oh. I thought that was the end of it. I may have. That was the renaissance. That was the peak of like,

like, like tender fuckery, like right around the pandemic. time when everybody was kind of locked down everybody's getting extra horny you could fucking clean up like three four five six girls a week like crazy shit like weird shit too

like yeah this is a Kyle right around the time when I had 8% body fat and giant pecks and biceps girls were so slutty here's the thing about that like I'm gonna be honest like I got as much if not more pussy fat

than like lean as fuck movie star like lean like just the same amount like like it didn't change like like the only thing that changed is when I was on like tons of steroids and tons of like when I was literally 9% body fat like I was more horny that was the only thing that changed it was like I was more apt to want two girls a day I've always wondered this and you don't have to answer take a beat before you do because it's a drinking episode you had a masseuse come to the house and help you recover from your workouts.

Yeah. Those happy ending massages. No, super professional. No, no. Super professional. Like, I would have been afraid to approach the subject with her because she was like bordering on like a medical.

You don't broach the subject. You just turn on to your belly and have a boner. It wasn't that kind of like massage. Like like something. I remember at the time like I knew about her like fiance or her husband or something like that that was like a topic of discussion. Like maybe she broached that just to like shut things down. But like it was like,

yeah, it was like, you know, like that wasn't what I was looking for at all. I just remember being like sore in a way that made every massage like, wonderful and excruciating at the same time. Like I was just so goddamn sore like at the very beginning of that transformation from like going from nothing to just full,

you know, sets and sets of Bulgarian split squats and stuff and activating muscles that hadn't been activated. like that was more, I needed medical help. I wasn't looking to get laid. So that's the way though. Like if you can get a chick to come to your place and give you a massage. Yeah, you're already, you're already.

Can you quickly pull up a picture of like Pete Kyle? I think there's Spotify listeners who maybe have never seen this. That's why I asked. Pull up that picture of him, dehydrate in this hell. I was like, please drink water. So, oh, I lost video. Oh, oh, the girls,

got on Tinder though, were they of higher quality than like the lesser quality version of you would have pulled. Hmm. Yeah, maybe. But that might be because I was like had more self-esteem and I was more apt to go after a hotter girl. Like I remember I like, I was I was dating this girl who did stunt work for Marvel movies for a while.

Like she was the stunt double for, uh, stunt double for, um, I actually don't want to say. Like one of the main, one of the Avengers, like she was a stunt double for an Avenger. And, and like, oh, well, that'll be impossible to find. Well, there's a couple of female for sure. And, you know, they shoot those movies in Atlanta, so she's here. So it was like, like, definitely like probably wouldn't have hit on her if I, if I wasn't like all jacked up and stuff. This is where I told you to stop. No, you told me to stop way before this. I was, I was, I was like thick when when you wanted me I liked beefy Kyle I was like

hell yeah he's huge just just be beefy and you were like no I think to me this might be peak aesthetically but I appreciate what it takes to get to the version we just saw the really lean version I felt like Kyle graduated college like I think there are comparable level of accomplishment like you have to stick with something for a long time

You have to do shit. You didn't feel like doing. You have to kick that lazy Buddha inside of you that wants to just sit there with his giant belly to the side and do shit when you're not feeling like it to get to where he was. And that was why I was proud of Kyle from getting so fit. It wasn't that that was to me the most aesthetic version of him. It's that's the hardest to achieve. Yeah.

That's what I was sick is he was yoked and that's awesome. And just by the way, by the way. by the buy Woody, thank you for taking a drink Kyle found one I'm over here

working on whatever this is well work a little harder Taylor at 14 fuck off I'm I'm trying to keep up with you and it was

it was probably mistake you're at 14 I'm at 14 I'm at are you on your 14th or on your 15th I'm looking for

I'm on my 15th. Good golly. Okay. I have not. Do you guys want to play the game? We're pretty deep in the show. I kind of want to play the game. Yeah, we got to play the game.

Wait, let me. Let me take a piss. By the way, if anyone listening wants to get Jacked, go over to Merrick, M-A-R-E-K-Health.com, and Derek will help you out with some testosterone replacement therapy and make you a super version of you. Zach, give Woody two more drinks. Why are we giving all these drinks? What is getting goddamn bonus drinks? I don't appreciate it.

I'm drinking when no one tells me to. I'm like, you know what? Don't slack. The whole point of this is to drink to the point of being uncomfortable. Like, you should accomplish. What about the batter? I'm ready. I joined the thing.

That's re-linked. Yeah, my session timed out before. So I know the rules of all these games. What's the four-letter code? He put it above the link. Oh, let me look. Press to start, it says. Should I press to start?

Should we be showing perhaps the game board? I will. I was going to hop in here and tell you so that way you guys can hear it. I'm going to remove my camera so where you guys can see everything and everything. What I was thinking is whoever finishes last should finish their drink. What do you take two sips if he loses?

Okay. Kyle, Kyle, how much do you think he should drink? I don't know because he's bought this silly pink vodka drink. It's our... I don't think. I'm trying here. As long as the pink vodka drink is done

by the end, we're good. I don't know what I'm doing. I agree. I agree, Taylor. As long as the pink fucking run by the end, we're good. Because otherwise, Woody,

you will not have drank near you. Wait, you see the comments, then, faggot. Okay, well,

I fucking entered this shit. Oh, I clicked on a different tab with that redhead that's the great tits. Oh, that's incredible. Dude,

watch that movie I suggested the fucking tunes movie. It's on Amazon. She's like in the mirror examining herself. like, am I sexy? Am I? And I'm like, no, you're not. Keep that self-esteem load, the dirty whore.

Kyle, have you seen the subreddit, the girl, the pussy? The girl, the pussy? No. Did they first show you, like, the girl, like, at Chipotle, and then the next pussy is, the next picture is like her, just a pussy? Yes, and it absolutely delivers every single post. The first picture is a girl, and you can make some inferences about who she, is like is she all tad it up and kind of like raunchy or is she like kind of primp and proper and then you see her absolutely spread-legged like a hundred every single post delivers all the way I'm on there

now dude this is the shit tell me it lives up to the height good call let me go top all that's when you see the good shit dude every post is the good shit all time and it's popular every day there's like 20 new women. So demure. So demure in her dress. And then spread leg. Look at that beef steak. Exactly.

This is the, some of them are, what is the expression, like class in the streets? Something in the sheets. Help me. Help me. Lady in the streets.

I admit. Like somebody's puts or just, like, I really have like high standards for vagina. Freaking the sheets. Like I'd rather jerk off and like fuck a dirty vagina. Like, I'm just not for it.

Like, when I was 16, it's like, you know, I'd almost fuck a goat, but like at this point in my life, like, you know what I mean? Hypothetical single Woody sees the beauty in every vagina. There you go. Hypothetical single Woody sees the beauty in every vagina. Well, not now. Like, if you're, let's just say, if a asteroid were to hit your home and kill everyone

but you, and then suddenly you're millionaire, 50,000, 52, 53 year old Woody. Your millionaire, 52 year old Woody fit. A bit of a celebrity online. You give some girls some clap. Let me just say this right now. If you get some like 22 year old piece, some piece, we bring her on the show.

She's going to get dozens of Instagram followers. Yeah. Oh, so more. So much more. I'm going to tell you right now, if you had a 22 year old like banging girlfriend like Bill Belichick style and like Like she would come on the show occasionally and be like, yeah, Woody's a fucking man. Woody's a fucking man. Y'all boys don't even know.

Lock and load works. Lock and what he blinded me last week. It took me a day to be able to get rid of the double vision because his man cock blinds. I've never seen a man like this. The girth. The fucking potency. The volume. I wasn't even prepared for the volume.

The viscosity. I will outlive him, but I will forever be ruined for penis size. Yeah, I'll never love another man again after having Woody's Wood. I would totally be down for that and having her on the show constantly. Actually, let's keep this topic going. This is great. It's okay, Jackie. I would be so down for it.

And I think you would absolutely like slampoon as like a 52 year old millionaire, like, quasi-solice. celebrity. Like, you absolutely would. We give enough clout here to get some cunt. I promise you. I promise you. It would be like top shelf, con. It would be all the shelves because I wouldn't discriminate. He wouldn't discriminate, sure.

The rest of it, but I can appreciate every vagina, I think. They'd all be hairy. Yeah, yeah, that's a given. That's a given. I think you'd go after like a cross-fit chick who could do like kips. lately you could really really throw it down in the gym I'm not a monster I'd give them time to grow it in sure yeah right

I can wait two weeks I can wait two weeks obviously murking on first age sure oh what are we doing we're playing jackbox I don't know what this is wait and stuck on character selection okay you have to why are waiting on me You have to up to come. Because I didn't join the game, Kyle.

My bad, I started the game. Here we go. All right. What game? Is this something I should have as like a different window? I have it as a different window. I have it too, but it just says quiplash three. I'm given the PKK subreddit link down below it.

I'm giving them little updates about drinking. Let them know them dominating. Quips on parade. I'm gonna leave a PGA and then hang up it's a discord let's I'm rather drunk with round one you'll get two prompts on your device to answer any way you please you'll go head to head with another player's response and everyone else votes on their favorite sound great that's because it is you're going to be points based on the percentage of votes you get so don't know based on percentage of votes received so thirsty does that make sense

for containers you go to the container I don't have a device go to and I don't know the question it'll be your window Taylor that you opened up

and joined the game on and don't read them out loud because you got to vote in between people's answers and I'll sit here and vote I got nothing I don't have anything you got it

you got like a minute and a half I know you're drunk it says you can't enter nothing okay all right answer I'm asking. Yeah, you'll have like two or three questions, Tom.

And then next round you fall pants when you want everyone to think you're fun. Okay. Who's going to grade these scores? You guys are going to vote against each other, yeah. Okay, but we probably won't know who said what. Okay. Exactly. When am I am I going to see the option to answer?

I'm just stuck. I gave two answers already. It seems like you're bad at this. I don't have a way to enter Oh, you don't have any way to answer Oh, you can't figure it out, huh? Maybe you should just drink 14 fucking beers It seems like you're better because I've got to a healthy seven

I dominated here I'm 103 years old and I figured it out that's fine You'd see it figured out just fine And he's sipping on that pink shit Oh, it's fucking loading It's loading It's a fucking loser Oh, that's the

It doesn't look good for you. It doesn't look good at all. It's quips time. So did you all have anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I answered two different questions. For containers. You go to the container stores. You go to the sex store.

Oh, trap gave no answer. Nothing like running unopposed. Yeah, I saw. Oh, nothing like running a lot of opposed. 100,000 points! Let's go! go. All right. You know it's a party. When someone shows up with

Blank. Go can. Taylor says no clothes on. I didn't say anything. I can't get through the fucking game. Looks like Taylor doesn't know how to play the game because he had too much to drink. No votes.

It says Quip on the docket. Right here. What you call pants when you want everyone to think you're fun. Oh, let's see who wins. Kyle says Left leg gloves. How do I choose my favorites?

How do I do that? I think you can't choose because you're a voter. I see no. It's going to be a 50. I said top covers. Fuck you. The name is covered horn. And we're left to wonder.

Currently my brain, man. I don't know. It's Taylor, Taylor, You know, this doesn't, this doesn't seem thorough. You're going to start. She's broke.

Asteroist. Afterest, Taylor answers Taylor for every question. We'll be higher. I'm going to start answering Taylor. Yeah. On your browser window, you're also. able to vote where you type in the answers. Taylor. What usually goes?

I submitted it. So I guess we're good. Yeah, you got like two or three questions that it'll ask you. And hopefully you don't answer Taylor this time. It's asking you. Ask you a question right now. This in-browser thing is absurd. It's taking so long to register even keystrokes.

I got nothing. Mine works fine. Maybe I eat more alcohol. Same. Yeah, mine works fine. It seems like maybe... Mine is delayed. You have a hard time playing the game. Oh, I drank too much in the drinking episode? Yes.

The whole point of this is... There's nothing. Yeah, it's like at a marathon if you just left and started running off into the distance. It's like we're kind of having a competition. No, it's honestly, it's unacceptable. You just forced to dump a marathon is what you did. It's unacceptable that you are utilizing your sobriety to insult me. Oh, we're all.

I'm so impressed by how many ears you were able to put away. And answer a question. You told me that you would drink more. You said there was no chance I could out drink you. And I did. I doubled you up. I didn't say anything of the sort. You can't find the fucking text.

I hope you didn't embarrass yourself. I hope you didn't embarrass yourself. First in line, what usually goes through Dracula's mind, as he bites someone. I hate to do it more letters. Have Adam. Where do we vote? Where do we vote?

How does this work? Because mine just has the... Mine actually came up to vote on that one. Yeah. If your answer is not there, you cannot vote. Oh, let's go! The only dog who didn't get into heaven. Oh, that's good, Woody.

At least that's really good. And nothing from trout? Oh, pathetic. And here we have the weirdest compliment. Thanks, you don't have bestiality on Muthless.com anymore. It's a real downside. Nice ass. All right, people.

It's voting time. How am I supposed to vote? Go ahead. I don't think you vote in the other thing. It hasn't moved off the load. No votes. Oh, man. I don't know.

I thought I had him. The one thing that will always make a Buckingham Palace Guard crack a smile. Ah, nothing from Trout. Oh, this is going swimming. Easy points. Hey, Trout, serious question. Are you retarded? Yes.

Mentally retarded. Let's see how it'll be remembered. I think Kyle. Definitely not a technical issue. Oh, my God. Get on my level. Gommel, kids. Oh shit, I thought it was over.

One last chance to redeem yourself. On your device, you'll see a prompt that requires three separate responses. Remember, big points being big pressure. God damn, and I was already celebrating. My lead is very narrow. I hate this game. I'm struggling. What are three things to get better with age?

Oh, I don't know. How much time do I have? 80, like so much time. I was going to do an N-word joke, but that's probably not good. Yeah, there's a lot of words I can't type here. I feel like we should... My mind's on sexy stuff, not racist stuff. Well, you gotta wake up, brother.

Are you able to type this time? Is it working? It's working. The thing, three things that only get better with age. I'm too. fucking drunk for this. My God. Well, I'm happy I had three answers. I don't care. I just like that. And what are you at, Trout? Are you at like 16 now? All right. Let's have it. I finally came back.

Three things that are where we're at. With age. Children. Children is very fun. Now it gets real. Pick your favorite. I'm going to go with the children in the 9-11 that's funny to me watch out get on Taylor don't be mean that are only funny to you guys apparently

being on a miscegenation okay everybody pick your tailor I didn't type miscegenation that's Kyle who's to say Kyle

Kyle knows what's up he just pretends not to no folks Good job, guys. I knew that. Jesus Christ. I only needed to see Octoroon to notice you. I cannot listen. Show me the final scores.

Please. Woody. Woody with the big one. It's the fitness competition all over again. I'll know about this one. Asterisk. No, I want an asterisk. It doesn't really work well when everybody doesn't vote.

Yeah, for some reason, some of us aren't like taking part. Yeah. I don't know. I think it worked out great. I think it was a real. of skill. You guys know what you're doing. You could play it again or you could play the trivia game or just go back to the show.

Oh, that was so much fun. I don't know if I could stand anymore. I think once I do. I don't know if I can stand anymore. It was a great idea. Not all great a day's work. Yep. I got to go to the bathroom.

I got to piss so bad. Oh, yeah? Come back and tell us how long it took. Oh, my God. I'm trying to think of things. to keep the show going, but I'm so drunk. Oh, but it's all resting on your shoulders

alone. I feel that. I don't. I don't want. Oh, man. This tough. 14 train. I've, I successfully kept up with King Trout, except his number should actually

probably be like 16 now. But what is 14 accurate, King? 14 feels accurate. I'm, I'm, my goal is to keep up with King Trout and I'm really really trying

but it turns out you are kind of a titan in this arena and I I really don't think I can keep doing it I was just bad too you can you go to you know no I I don't just want to go to bed what I want to do

is I want to go out to my kitchen I want to make those fucking pretzel bites in my in my oven and then I also after that want to make another pizza in my oven and eat all of it. I asked my wife for a snack in the bread family

and she delivered Triscuits to the show. Triscuits are all right. The problem with Triscuits is that you can't all that shit they say on the box like make it into a pizza or what not. It doesn't work because

it's so fibrous, it's so thick. It doesn't, yeah, it's a lot of air in there. It doesn't work well, so I'm not a fan of that. But triscuits as a whole are okay. No, they're not. They're fucking disgusting. Triscuits? They're not good,

but they're basically, it feels like a placeholder. I'd rather go hungry. Really? You don't find them to be an acceptable cracker? No, they're really like mouth drying. And there's no flavor. There's almost no flavor. It's just like wheat and this, the memory of salt.

Oh, I disagree. I find them to be in salt. So listen, I don't salt my food anymore. I had high blood pressure issues like five, six years ago. And I haven't added salt to my food since. So Triscuits are a salt delivery service. And they break when I smush them with my tongue in an interesting way that keeps me entertained. Yeah, but you.

also eat you've described how you eat almonds where you eat unsalted almonds and you enjoy the oil when you crush them between your molars and to me like that to me that says

you're not a real snacking not a real snack no you don't know the snackers code like we what is the snackers code if I told you I'd have to kill you just being a snack boy like that that wouldn't be good

Kyle you seem to agree on some guys are way too good for you describe snack boy there's way too much fiber and triscus to be actually a tasty snack like writs ritz are buttery and salty and delicious

can't go wrong with writs you can eat a ritz on its own and it's perfectly fine if you get some I'll be honest I like that squirt cheese, that shit that comes in the can. That shit on a ritz is really good. Any cheese on a ritz is amazing. They're salt.

They're buttery in a way that's hard to, like, quantify. Triscuits are disgusting. I have been eating Triscuit unless I was starving. That came from an aerosol can since my age ended with teen. It's good stuff. It's good stuff. I haven't had it either. I occasionally buy it for my dogs because they,

fucking love it. Okay. They, like, hop up on their pine lids and you give them a little, like right in their mouth. They're like, oh, master has a cheese can. Like, they love that shit. My dog, they're peanut butter sluts.

They'll do anything. Get a can of whipped cream and just give them a little right in their mouth. And then they'll be blown away. Is that how you keep Murphy in line? They'll think you're a god. If you get them with a little whipped cream right in their mouth out of the can.

They love that. I don't know why everyone doesn't get great things. Because they're gigantic. They're so, they're called a Velcro breed. All they want to do is lay next to you. They touch you all the time. They're always laying, sticking to somebody. They're a Velcro dog.

It's what I look for. Very sweet dogs. I don't think anyone rips on them for being anything other than that. But they are also enormous. I like it that way. Mine is still too small. My dog is going to take similarly sized shits to me is just bananas. That is an issue.

I'm like, can you go farther from the kitchen door? Come on. Oh, they're getting right past the patio and then they're dumping. It would be delightful if they made it past the patio every time. Trout. It's really, I'm so impressed with myself. I've been able to keep up with you. Oh, you're alive.

I'm alive. You're 14 deep, too. I can do it. I can do it. Dude, it's a drinking episode. It's once every fucking eight years, basically. We're just like you guys now. Just so you guys know, we're doing this monthly now?

No, no, no. No, no, no, no. We're doing this every other week. I'm fine with the drunkenness. It's the volume. I'm so fucking bloated as full right now. I do have a bitch stomach. I have a bitch stomach.

I kind of a stomachache before the show started, but I'm... Like, I don't want to come in like a bitch, but I was saying in the pre-show, I'm like, I'm really queasy. Like, I'm not feeling well. I feel like the volume is the problem, not the alcohol. Like, if we were doing vodka shots, I feel like I hanged better. Was there really tough for you? It's been really tough for me. Like hanging in the volume, Taylor.

I'm glad that you're being cool about it. Kyle, when you said this was your school. I didn't know you take fourth place. Michael Jordan. I don't care for you. Look, your score is some sort of nonsense. This is like that guy that scored 83 points the other day. Like it shot 40 free throws.

All right, you've shot 40 free throws. I'm not giving you that 10. That's silliness. Oh, so... 11. So instead of drinking more, you're... I do think it's unfair that Woody has 11 when I've, I've grinded these 14 so hard. Oh.

I am going to be sick. It's all right. Oh, really? But after this, I'm excited because I have a plan for all the... things I'm going to eat right after this. I got the pretzels. There's another pizza in my freezer that I bought just in case I want to eat.

Bobby! Good girl. I get them mixed up. What a good boy or girl. This is Jonah Park. Johnny, get closer. I told everyone how peddle you were. I think she was asleep one minute ago.

Is that the poop eater or the non-poop eater? Honestly, they both have taken their turns as the poop. Peter. She's not innocent. Who's a good group? Kyle, why do you such a as he smooches

the fucking poop eater over there? I would like to eat it today. And he's been a few days. We forgive her. So if I chug and find another beer. Then I will take the lead over Trout.

Yeah, you got a you got a chug. I, I've, I've, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go get him. I've had a very bad day.

Who's a boy. What did you see the, oh my God, this video, I've got a lot of links open right now and I click the one of the redhead, like stripping down and examining her titties.

They're so, they're bigger than her fucking head. Oh, I'm excited about heads. Did you see the White House card, the UFC White House card? Very disappointing. Very disappointing. Very disappointing. Disappointing is correct, though.

No, I agree with you. Very disappointing. They built it up as like the goat card, like the card of all cards. They made it sound like every fight was going to be a title. You know, they made it seem like. Something like nine title fights, something wild like that. There's two. I think they might have said seven or something like that.

that. There's only six or seven fights total. I don't know if they're even doing an undercard, but it's really overwhelming. It's Ilya versus Justin Gaichi. He's going to smoke Gachi. It's

a known quantity. I don't know how closely you followed Ilya Tolpuria's career, but like he's the guy. Yes. He's the man of the year. Yeah, he's the man of the year. He smokes everyone. Gachie is old, old

fucking news. He's like a generation and a half. Favorite fighter of 2023. Maybe 2020. Like back when he was like dueling it like doing it up with Kabib on Fight Island,

that was his like like like peak. Not now. Like he's an older gentleman now. Like I'm not interested in seeing him but I wanted to see Ilya Tuporia versus Islam Makachev for the fucking for the title for Maka Chips title not for the lightweight strap for for for Mokachachips title

I wanted to see Jones get brought in to fight gone and get his uh I knew Aspenall wasn't gonna fight because of the I thing I knew he wasn't like in the in the mix but I guess I like Perea versus um Jones right no who is he fighting is it Jones gone he's fighting gone gone is getting rewarded for the I folks. Jesus crazy. We started about it's three weeks ago when I was like, I kind of would like to see Gone versus

Perea so that Perea can get the revenge for Aspinol against Gone. And I guess we get that. That's the fight I'm most excited about because Taboria's going to smoke Gaci. He's going to knock Gage to fuck out. He's 37. He's not getting younger.

Tupori is fast. He is slick. He is big. He is talented in every aspect of martial. arts. He is the next generation. Gachie wasn't even the guy in his generation. He's always been the Homer Simpson of his own generation. He's been the guy who eat shots to deliver shots, no defense. He has the wrestling background to keep him off his back, but he's mostly haymakers and awkward, like moving forward style. It's really fun to watch, but it's not the guy that I want to seen in the White House card against

DeGuardia and then the rest of the card just falls He could be the opening part for it Like if he was the curtain jerker on the White House card I'm like okay Now we're talking Yeah yeah yeah if Gaitch you were fighting like Like some other 55 pounder One with 55 pounder like as the fifth fight

Or the fourth fight or even the third fight I'd be like all right Gage's gonna fucking throw bombs I look forward to that But he's like the guy No no Who's not the guy's fighting? I don't even reckon

Low Nichols fighting the guy guy he's going to dominate. Like, they've set that up well enough, I guess. I don't know why Bo Nichols is on the fight. Like, he shouldn't be on the card either. It's a complete embarrassment because they had a year to do this. I remember like nine months ago when they were like, okay, we're going to do a White House card.

And I was like, oh my God, they have nine months to put this together, to schedule things, to like work things out, to make sure that they get the Connor McGregors and the John Joneses to get, But at the same time to also get the most relevant in their like, like, in the top of their game guys like, like Makachev.

And, and, um, um, um, what's his name that I hate because he's a fucking terrorist. What's his name? Um,

the hair lip guy. Oh, his name is hard. It starts with the C. Chumaya. Yeah, yeah. That did it for me.

Yeah. Yeah. I would love Tumaya of on this card. Like, I want Chimaya fighting like, not Colby Covington but like a Colby Covington type character

like I want that I want Americans versus like Russians and Dagestanis and fucking like whoever the fuck it's a it's not a bad card right but it's a let down it's a good card but we were looking for the best card of the 2020s not I'm in

I'm in the lead by the way Zach I just finished this one God damn you fucking Titan Oh my God, I'm so drunk You know what Big wins in life Are not easy to come by Taylor

They're not easy to come by It's not they're hard earned Look he's gonna down another beer instantly You gotta get two ahead If you're gonna say ahead You gotta be like Chinese speed skater Dude you got you got draft behind you Too ahead

Get it in you What if he's off camera a little long Right what if he doesn't come back And there's not enough time to catch Taylor. Boof it. That would be good. Open your asshole.

Open your asshole, Taylor. Taylor, there's a Spotify deal of the line. We all need you to take one up the ass for. I'll bring a hand, Taylor. I'm getting a call from it. It's really, the Spotify deals on the line. All right.

Well, then, let me, hang on. I got Lichon Spotify on the line. He's saying, he's saying if you boof a bankie, then that he can up the C. If that's the case, I'll do it. But I don't know how much more I can't

I don't know how much more I can drink. I mean, more than Team Trout. That's for damn sure, right? I mean, he's like a twink. Taylor. In the wild, he'd be your lady boy. Are you the 26 drinking champion? It's true.

I'm trying so hard. Try harder than this, because this is quite quite. What do you mean? tried harder than this. Mr. 8 under your name. Fuck off. That's because Zach's a liar. Imagine having an 8 under your name. Imagine having 8.

Imagine being a single digit midget, like you. You know, I can't change Zach's biases. You know, he's clearly a Taylor guy. You just have to drink the beers. I drink the beers and he's just not counting.

You didn't drink enough of them. You lie. I drink as many as his is my. It's Taylor. My stomach won't allow it. I'm so fucked up. This is more beers that I've drank. I'm scared. I'm scared of what this is going to feel like an hour from now.

That's going to be all right. My girlfriend was like, do you want me to order you a pizza? And I was like, fuck, yes. Yes. What kind of pizza?

What did you tell her? I want extra cheese, banana peppers, jalapinos, and I want the deli pepper. And, uh, and green peppers. Oh, you're more, you like pepperoni on the pizza more than, or I'm sorry, salami on the pizza more than pepper. You have pepperoni?

No, no, no. I get deli pepperoni. Uh, so I get deli pepperoni. I get jalapinos. I get pineapple. I get green peppers and extra cheese. I like the pineapple. I really, so like my goal to do like, like, spicy.

It'll hear me out. My goal to do spicy, salty, salty, and sweet. and like combine the three. I like the pineapple. You get the sauce. Not from a, like the sauce is sweet. I'm just saying I like the pineapple. I like pineapple on pizza.

I always do pineapple. If I'm only going to do a couple toppings, like if they get bonkers with the cost of their topics, it's $3 per topping, then I'll just do jalapinos and pineapple. Like those are my main two toppings. How are people comes after that?

Definitely solid. Taylor. You think sauce has sweet? A little bit sweet. Let the fuck out of here. Listen, if I didn't hate being fat, I'd be diabetic by now. You guys don't know shit about sugar. Sauce is not sweet.

That's fucking weak shit. Sugar's sweet. Actual sugar. I love this about Woody. He is the sugar king. I can't handle my alcohol, but I get out of sugar, you fucks, under the table. if we had a If we had a gummy bear battle

I'd be down in those Bad boys Damn I don't Oh man I can't even say anything I'm so fucking drunk Like

This is tough But I'm trying to stay In line with trout Which I said he had like two beers and he's going to jump to 16 or something. I love to see greatness. I love to live in an era of greatness. I saw Michael Jordan win his six championships.

I saw LeBron James achieve the scoring title. I remember Gretzky's retirement game and I was there when Taylor won the 2026 drinking champion. When I won the drinking championship. Yes. The drinking championship. Look at trout. I imagine trout right now to be lying face down on his bathroom floor, thanking God that tile is cold. No.

The problem is that the issue. Let me have it. The issue is that he's like an everyday heavy drinker. And so the fact I've kept up with him at all is insane. like it's rather impressive I'm being honest you're just so fat

yeah I'm fat and I'm I'm I'm wait wait wait it's very funny you're just such a fat faggot

that you can of course you're such a typical American You know, it's just, it's just... Am I crazy or did Zach reduce Taylor's number by one? Take it down three or four. Don't take it down.

I earned every single one of those. I thought you were in 16. I don't be honest. I didn't see his empties and I don't believe that. I haven't had a sip of my six. That says I'm crazy and he hasn't changed. Am I making things? I thought he had a two point lead on Trout.

No, I, I, I, drank that last beer just to get ahead of Trout. I was right though these banquet beers are fucking tasty right? They're not too bad right? They're not too bad

they're quite strong they're 5% each and they're very smooth like I wish they were sponsoring us because for real Coors Banquet beer is the shit it's really tasty. Not too bad. I wish they were sponsoring us because

the better thing than money is more money. That's true. more money too. Yeah. That's dope. The only reason I could ever beat Trout is if he's AFK. It's working. If you pound another one right now, he'll never catch up.

He's got eight minutes. He'll come back to moralized and defeated. He's going to pound another one when he comes back. If you pound one right now, I don't know if I can pound another one. I have a file question. You can do it. Yes, sir. You had talked about maybe two or three episodes ago about rebuilding a car, like buying something and making it great.

So what I ended up? Let me listen. I'm still sort of like percolating on that. I found a and I don't even want to say which one because it's sitting somewhere right now, but I found a really affordable 90s Bronco that I'm really interested in. Okay. And my current, my Camaro right now needs like a little bit of service. So I'm sort of like forcing myself to do the Camaro service before I buy the Bronco. But I'm probably going to buy the Bronco and soup it up and like put a body kit on and stuff and do like a retro mod type thing.

I'm going to put an LS engine or something like that. That's my goal right now is to do a Bronco. Because I like the idea of the Bronco because I can use that to tow other cars from the drunk yard if I want to continue. With a Chevy movie. yeah yeah okay you're not a loyalist okay okay no

I don't like Ford if I were a loyalist I would be a Chevrolet or General Motors loyalist I like their stuff I know there's stuff better too like the like 5.7 liter small block engines

I know them pretty pretty well like I've never taken one apart but I've done a lot of service on them so I'm looking at like a 90 something bronco right now that I'm resisting everything in my bone to go buy it.

I want to buy it every day. And I'm like, it's just sitting there, go buy it. It's not that much. It's really not that much. You haven't said what the year it is. Are you not?

Is that on purpose? It's a 90s Bronco. I don't want to say which one. There's one that's like undervalued right now. That's a good deal. I'm forcing myself to like service my car and get it like speak and span before I do that as sort of a like, I don't know,

clean your room type thing. but that's what I have on the radar right now is the Bronco and like putting a body kit on it like a grill and like Can I jump in? Yeah, you keep saying Bronco.

You definitely mean Bronco full-size Bronco not Bronco 2? Full-size Bronco 90s Bronco like 192, 3, 5, 6 Bronco like that body style. It's a big car. And then put like a Raptor like steering wheel in it

and some Raptor interiors. and like new carpet headliner, new seats, new steering column, like I said, new gauges, new engine, new grill, a body kit, and maybe like a three inch lift or something like that. That's what I'm looking to do. If he doesn't show up in the next few minutes, does that mean I win? Yes. Yeah, you got four minutes here. I'll bring the rule out. I'll say if we, the tally at four hours ends.

Boom. I've tried so hard and I've trained so much and I ate so much. I tried so hard. I didn't trade it all. I didn't. By training, I mean, I ate like six people's worth of calories before this. And after this, I actually, I'm going to make pretzels in the oven. I have a question.

I bet the viewers would like answer. What was the highlight of your honeymoon? Ooh. I would say looking over Wilea Canyon. That was very cool. Yeah, we hiked up that long way and then you see the whole canyon. It was very neat. I really enjoyed that.

Anybody call you a howley? No, no. Whenever I see that, it fills me with so much rage that I would exterminate the Hawaiian population. population. Oh, I like the Hawaiians. They're mostly Asian. I don't like a name for white people. They do have, well, I don't know if Howley is a name for white people or if it's a name for tourists. What's the difference? Well, you think they're calling some Japanese guy that came there to see the sites a Howley? No, they're calling you a Howley. Your Midwestern cheese eating ass.

yeah that's actually fair yeah this is probably true yeah but it was a very I don't like that I don't like that it makes me want to go desecrate their fucking like like like like like what's that thing they have the like imperial palace like the royal palace they have like a royal palace in Hawaii

that's left over from the last it's not very big it's not but it is a tourist attraction they have like a royal palace that's left over from their like monarchy that ruled Hawaii before white folks game and it makes me want to go like desecrate that shit hardcore like shit all over their like urns and their tapestries and whatever like papyrus or whatever coconuts they were drawn fucking records on or whatever like find find me the papyrus like fucking like like pineapples and I'm going to shit on

them like fuck those people I don't mind as much as you do fucking dirty so I looked at dirty ass what's that I looked up what Howley means I didn't know it means an outsider kind of especially a white one. It's often used pejoratively like you suspected. Of course. But not necessarily. It can also depend on the attitude

of someone who says it. You know, an outsider is an outsider. It doesn't mean they hate you for sure, but it usually does. Max Holloway and his family can stay and the rest of you. Go back to wherever the fuck. Send him to some Moan Island or some shit.

I would get it. If I were a native Hawaiian and a bunch of white people were showing up, like vacationing, it would be insulting. Oh, your entire economy? That's like saying that as a West Virginia you'd hate to see some coal come in. Oh, did you mind some more coal?

The backbone of our economy? Ew, dirty coal folk. It's like it's your whole fucking economy. I'm saying they, you think I'll live in off of pineapple exports? You dirty fucking Hawaiian savage. We should shit on your fucking temple And you're fucking...

I appreciate the culture of the Hawaiians more than you. Do you? Oh, you love methamphetamine, huh? Yeah, it's cool. Is that their culture? Are they big in a mat? Yeah, their whole fucking culture is methamphetamine.

Yeah. If they were bigger into meth, they wouldn't be so fat. Wait, they're on... Not looking to fight ready these days. Looking chunky. Wait, is meth... Let's be on alcohol. Is meth an actual thing?

He needs nothing but... Tineapolmine. I didn't know. I have a strong hatred for the Hawaiian, the native Hawaiian specific. I love the Native Hawaiians. I want to experience their culture. I enjoy it. It's fun.

Fuck them. We should have fucked them out of existence like we did with the Mexico. We already did. Like they have no culture outside of being American. Keep it that way. I don't want to see any of that Disney Pixar bullshit with like the rock voicing some Hawaiian God or anything like that. No, they should have the Christian

God down there. They should have Yahweh. They should have Jesus Christ bringing the hammered. Riding a surfboard. Riding a surfboard. Serfing Jesus. He walked on fucking water. He can surf.

You don't think Jesus could catch the wave? Huh? Please. I think that's what we need. Fuck those people. I hate the Hawaiians. I hate the Hawaiians more than I hate. like almost any group of people in the world at all. Why? They're like kind of Fat black women is number one. They're entirely neutered.

Fat black women is my number one. But like Hawaiians are like coming in like a close number two behind like up to him. Kyle's a huge fan of fat black women that fight cars. I hate that fucking shit. I like to see him fight the cars. I'll be honest. You love it.

He's like his favorite entertainment watching women. Shamaika take on a Buey with Skylark you're gonna be fucking dazzled you're gonna be blown away by the result it's his favorite thing

this is awesome fucking king trout isn't gonna come back in time to crush me it's too late already four hours has passed Taylor can I drink eight beers real quick

and I have I have one Taylor or as I like to call you champ congratulations thank you let's call him Norm

I like champ. It's short for champion and it's the title he deserves. And I literally I won the He earned this. Hats off. Hats off,

you definitely put way more away than I thought you would. You put away what I thought I would put away and like I literally couldn't because of the volume. I was shocked at like how full I got after four beers. Like I was so full.

You're thin. You don't have, you haven't. dealt with a big of you just order over your entire adult life. Like one of the main things I've done over the last like four or five years is stopped overeating ever. And so like I feel like my stomach is smaller. Like I eat a lot of delectable things like fatting things. But I eat not a huge amount. No, I try to keep it at like the same amount of calories, maybe a little more.

Like like if I do like smash burgers or something, I'll get a little decadent. But I don't need as much anymore. Like I would never eat two burgers. or like more than two hot dogs, whereas like... More than two hot dogs. Like, I could eat three or four, but like, there was a time when, like, I would eat five. Like, like, I would... Yeah, that's right. That stuffed feeling, like, that feeling of being, like, overful almost was, like, comforting sort of, like, like, not only did you feel full in a way that it was like, oh, yeah, that was good.

You almost felt, it was like an emotional, like, sort of thing. like I'm, I'm satiated. I've had all I can have. Like, like, it hit a different, like,

note. But I, I haven't been overeating as much. And I'll, I'll admit, like, like, eyes way bigger than my stomach on this one.

I, I think in vodka, I would have kept pace. But I just, I literally could. Vodka, I think you would have beat me because I, I don't think I would have beat you because,

I don't drink, like, well, I mean, it was this, it's the same shit. We would have been like equal amounts of drunk versus equal amounts of sick.

Like that's what slows you down. Like I feel like I could have kept pace at least with vodka, but I didn't have, I didn't have the room for beer. Like I've got this seventh or eight, what the ninth beer is right here and it's like three quarters the way down. I could get drunker. Like I could drink like 10 more beers, I feel like. But you're just too full. I get it.

I'm so full that like my, like my belly is protruding. Like it's gross. Next drinking episode, go to the store, ask them what high school chicks like. You won't need to drink so much volume. That's a hilarious way to do that. Be like, what do you give underage girls? No one thought I was where they all do the vibe I was looking for. I want a cigarette so bad.

Do you want a cigarette? Tell me, I know you want a cigarette. I would love a cigarette. A cigarette would be so nice. You slap your wife for a fucking Winston right now. Winston What was your go-to? Your SIG?

You know, it's a marlborough smooths. They're peppermint-flavored versus the menthol-flavored. A little more like... 27? Kind of nice? Oh, my... Like, no. Those are...

Those are a little different. Like, Marlora menthol's and menthols in general are more of like a mint flavor. And Marlora smooths are more like a peppermint. And I know that seems like a close difference, but it... No, I smoked them, so I know what you're talking about. Marlborough Smooth is like a tasty peppermint cigarette, and I would love to have one right now. God, I might be damn, I would love a cigarette right now.

The Marlboro peppermint, just a black person cigarette for people who don't want to smoke a black person cigarette, because that's what I'm vibing. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. When I was selling cars, like all black people, so if you, all right, so you're not a cigarette smoker. You run out occasionally. You know, you try to plan ahead. maybe you buy a cart and occasionally, but mostly you've got a pack

and maybe a, maybe the pack, maybe you don't smoke as much on Monday and Tuesday you have half a pack and you start Tuesday with half a pack instead of a full pack and you run out by like half, by like 4 p.m. There's a black guy there and he's got a pack full of,

uh, cools. Cools was always my go to or, but, I hated cools. They tasted like like chemicals compared to Newport. They're really, I disagree completely, a complete flip on that. I felt like the cools were the ones that were like really hard, like menthol, like fresh, minty, like, fresh, like, like, fresh, like tasting and like not as bad breath. Whereas the Newport was more of like a black people cigarette, kind of a low class cigarette.

My friends all smoked them, so I would bomb them. But like the Marlborough Smooth was the like peppermint cigarette. And it was, that's what I smoked. When I smoked and when I bought cigarettes, I bought, I bought Marlboro Smooth. Didn't it feel so nice to take that first drag? The, like, crispy crinkle of the tobacco. Like, what I would do is I would hold the lighter extra far from the tip of the cigarette. And I would inhale so it slowly ignited and, like, toast it almost.

That's fantastic. like light heat to it so it like so like keep the the fire as far away from the cigarette as I could while simultaneously igniting the cigarette and getting that and watching it sort of crisp and toast and like give me that low temperature minty pepperminty nicotine

tobacco flavor oh it's so fucking good nicotine is the most addictive chemical that mankind has come up with because I'm going to tell you right now. Like, it is so good, and it is so good in every scenario. Like, wheat is good at the end of the day. Wheat is good before you eat a big meal.

That's about it. Weed is good when you're stressed out, and that's about it. But tobacco, tobacco is good when you're mellow. Tobacco is good when you're stressed. Tobacco is good when you're hungry. Tobacco is good when you're full, like right after a big meal. Tobacco is good when you just woke up and you're having that first morning coffee

and you're drinking them together. Tobacco is good on a road trip when you're driving down the road and you're just like taking little puffs and flicking them out the window. Oh, yeah. Calm, cool, collected. God damn it.

I want a cigarette. And if you're with a girl that smokes and you like light two of them at the same time and hand her one, that's a little sexual. Oh my God. Tobacco was the most addictive substance that I've ever encountered. I've done a bunch of shit.

You know, cocaine pales in comparison to how addictive tobacco is. Perhaps because of the acceptability. You break out cocaine and people like, hoo-ho-who. By the way, you break out cocaine. No, I've never seen anyone be like, who-ho, cocaine, no, thank you. No, everybody's in the mix. Yeah, they know that's out. Everybody, you.

ever offer cocaine to is like, yeah, I want some of that cocaine. Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen Scarface. I've seen every cool fucking movie where they snort a line of that shit. I want some. I've never liked... Basically never seen cocaine in real life.

I used to go to these clubs in New York City where people were doing it, but I didn't know them. Like, I'd see the mirror afterwards. So you've never seen Coke spread out in the line format? that. I want to say I've seen someone sported, but I certainly never known anyone, and I wasn't part of it. It's good stuff. Cocaine gets a bad rap as being like a hard drug, and I feel like it's a medium to soft drug, depending on how potent your cocaine is and how much you're doing. If you're doing a little bit of medium-grade cocaine, it's a light drug. It's like a couple of espresso shot.

It really is. What about the people who, like, lose the separation between their nasal? They do lots of it. They're doing every single day, and they're doing lots of stuff. Who's that guy on Howard's... It's just like obese people. Artie Lang, Ardy Lang did so much of it over such a long period of time. He brought it his nose out. But it's just like ice cream, right?

Like, when's the last time you had ice cream? Yesterday. Pre-COVID. Exactly. So, like, if you have ice cream every five years, it's going to have fuck-all impact on your help. It's just going to give you it. When you do it, you're like,

Oh, that was wild. I was so wired and silly and like in the moment. But if you do it every day, then you're going to become an addict and it's going to eat away your septum and you're going to like get diminishing results from it, just like anything, any other drug. But if you do it every occasionally, if he were to do it like once a month or twice a month, I don't think it's bad for you at all. I really don't.

It's got to be one of the least bad for you drugs if we're being honest. as long as there's not like I'm sure there's a pot but I don't know for sure Pat's yeah same thing I think pot and cocaine are pretty like actual coke

not not they're pretty common they're pretty close yeah I don't think they're bad that bad for you here's one for you stack rank Coke and Adderall Bert on like additness and danger the thing about Adderall is you get a if you have prescription for Adderall

then you have like 30 or 40 pills with an endless supplied thereafter. You know, you're, you're, and it's legal and there's no stigma.

If you tell someone you're taking AdRole, they're like, oh yeah, can I, can I have one? Like, like,

like, no one is going to shame you over atrole. No, selfish bastards. Adderall is, is, is very similar to cocaine. I think Adderall is better.

I think it feels better. I think it's more exuberance. And I think it's like, I don't like the, like, looking, over my shoulder that comes with cocaine. Like I've been with people

who are doing cocaine and they've got it like on a big mirror. You know, they're like putting lines on a mirror to snort it off of. And the whole time I'm thinking like, well, let's make sure we do it all. So there's none like sitting around in case like, I don't know. Like you were to break your ankle and the paramedics

were to have to come for your ankle and they'd see the cocaine and they'd call the cops and then we'd all go to jailers. I start getting paranoid about that with cocaine. Whereas with like, Adderall, it's like, well, that's your prescription. No one's going to know if I took your pill. Yeah. Cocaine's different.

Yeah, I think it's a much worse rap than it deserves. I remember this is probably eight years ago, seven years ago. This girl thought I had cocaine. And so we went into a bathroom of a bar and she sucked my dick, but I didn't have cocaine. You just put flour along your cock. and you're like hit it baby no she thought it was coming after she got a yeast infection in her nose

and then suck your dick I mean basically she does not smells like Texas roadhouse now and she got a she had to suck a bad dick monster I think we're right at the end here boys

I think I think trout's dealing with some some bigger stuff and Taylor congratulations you want are the winner. You are my champion. You are the winner. You are my champion. I had no idea you could put 15 away. I thought 14 was going to be my number. I feel like I could have squeezed two more in, but there's no way I could have gotten close to 14 without, like my stomach just won't hold it.

I'm bursting with piss at this very moment. I have to piss so goddamn bad. I don't know. I put that much liquid away. I'm very impressed. I told you that that's, that was my advantage is that I've been a binge. I've had a problem with binge eating for so many years. That might, my stomach can expand. I'm blown away. The hat's off to you. I'm going to call it. I say you beat King Trout in the drinking episode,

which is just humiliating for King Trout. Thank you for coming a short notice. You know, I'm blown away. The difference is that I'm after this, I'm not going to drink for like months, but he's going to pound away. tonight. Trout will have his excuses, but you know who doesn't make excuses?

Fucking champions. P.K.A. 795. Go interact.