Painkiller Already - PKA 797 W/ Hutch & Vito: Fixing The New Woke Harry Potter

Episode Date: March 28, 2026

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P.K.A. 797. We have two guests tonight, although none right now. Vito and Hutch. Should be a good show. Taylor. This episode of PKK is brought to you by Lock and Load and our wonderful merchandise. Check that out. Now, Kyle, you've been tantalizing myself and Woody for three days now with this story of your father and your 75-year-old father. She'll be 73 next month. Your 73-year-old father and his experience, I would guess, first, with Mary. I wanted gummies, so please take a shot. Yeah. Yeah, so I went and visited my dad, hung out with him for a few days at his spot, and just

sitting on the couch there, just shooting the shit. I think weed came up somehow. He was like, what are you puffing on there? And I got my Delta 8 thing. I'm like, oh, it's legal weed. Drugs. Yeah, I was like, legal weed. He's like, ah, smells funny.

And I'm like, yeah. He's like, let me tell you a story. I was having trouble sleeping. So I went up to town to the dispensary they got, and I asked that old boy, and there. What kind of gummies do you have that would help me sleep? And he held up a package and said, this is what I take right here. I take two. And he said, well, how much should I take? Well, a little less than that maybe. Well, so I came on home and I'm like, wait, whoa, what does it say on the package? Do you have the package? Do you have the package? I'm already nervous.

Like, where's the, he's like, oh, I threw him sons of bitches away, but we'll get to that. I do remember it said 25,000 on the jar. So what it is, it's probably 25,000 milligrams divided by how many pieces are in there. But we don't know how many pieces are in there. It could have been as low as 40 or even 25. That could be a thousand bangers. That better be a giant bag. Yeah.

I was like, well, how big were they? And he's like, well, about like that, about like a cough drop or something. I was like, how many did you take, Dad? Well, I used on in there. And I ate one and a half of them. I figured I'd eat less than he does, you know. He's a professional and all. I had something came over me after about hour and a half, two hours.

I was in here sitting on my chair and I thought, damn, I got to go lay down. I fell in the bed in there and passed out, woke up in the middle of the night, vomiting already before I, in my sleep. He's like that, but Kyle, I couldn't move. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. So I threw up all over myself.

And finally, I was able to will myself like, like Uma Thurman and kill Bill to wiggle my bitty tub. And eventually, after about an hour laying there with vomit on me, I rolled over. And I vomited some more then off the side of the bed. So there I am vomited on the side of the bed, but I still can't move. So I start crawling. I crawl out of the bed. I crawl down the hallway.

I crawl all the way into here to my chair. That's where my phone was, you see. I was like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I know he didn't die because here he is. But this is really rough. And he says, he says, I got sitting there on the chair and I passed out again. And I woke up about three hours later. And I still couldn't move a muscle.

I could just wiggle a little. And so I got my phone and I called Ronnie. Ronnie's his buddy who lives about less than 10 minutes away. The problem is Ronnie. got macular degeneration a couple years ago and went legally blind. Like, like, blind.

Well, Ronnie's a trooper. So he hopped in his truck. Okay. And he's like, I'm like, how did he get here blind? He's like,

well, he knows the way. So Ronnie, so Ronnie drives like a seven minute back country road drive to my dad's house, legally blind. And when he gets there, the doors are. locked. All the doors around

the house are locked. And he's yeah, he's on the phone with dad and he's yelling through the Lamar, and he's like, I'm in here! Well, there's nothing for it at this point. Got to call 911. Dad needs rescuing at this point. It's become a search,

it's become a search and rescue operation at this point. We have to involve the authorities. So, they call 911. Sure enough, a fucking fire department ambulance shows up. They got the same problem. Ronnie's got. The doors are all locked. So they're all hustling around

the house trying to open windows and they're yelling in. They can't see him because the glass is fogged. You know, it's like frosted glass. Your dad's on the ground. He's crawled into his recliner. He's got like an oversized recliner in the middle living room like an old school thing. He's in

it and he can't get out of it. He literally can't get up. He has been at this point. At this point, he has been high for a day and a half, and he hasn't eaten or drank anything. So they're trying to find a window. They're hollering at him through, like, what, you know, a couple of doors and some glass. And he's hollering back. Yeah, I'm in here. Then he hears, smash. They've knocked the window out of the back door. They've made entry. So they come in there. They're like, are you all right? Are you all right? He's like, yeah. I just can't move. I took a weed gummy and I've been paralyzed for almost two days. And so they take his vitals and they clean him up a little bit.

And they said, well, you're okay. There's nothing medically wrong with you. Your blood pressure is good. Your heart rate's good. You're fine. You don't need to come with us. What can we do for you? He says, well, if you can help me, help me back to the bedroom.

I'm awful tired. So they say, yeah, yeah. So two or three of them, get him up. They walk him back to his bedroom. They like haul him in there, put him back in his bed. He sleeps until the next day again. He doesn't wake up until like noon the next day. And he's like, and I still wouldn't write, Kyle.

It was two days after that for I felt sober again enough to drive my truck. He had his own kind of Christ's risen story there. Oh, my God. He is from one and a half gummies. Dude, they need to talk to that dispensary. What did they give him? Who told him to take less than two of these? What do you think?

Probably 50? They must have been old 50s. And he's the trooper. So I asked him, I was like, did you throw them away right after that? He's like, well, they were a little expensive. So I thought, maybe I dosed down a little. So he said, I'm trying to remember. Yeah.

He was like, so I cut it half. And then he walks me through this process. He's like, he got one 16th of the gun. and he's like, he's like way too much, way too much. I felt awful from that one 16th of the gummy. So either he is like a hyper, hyper sensitive responder to like THC, which genetically speaking doesn't make a lick of sense. Or like that guy really gave him some good shit.

I want what he's happened. I know. I know I want to try the super gummy. Yes. For maximum strength. I don't realize you. We used to sell death by gummies, and then they were sued for putting more in than advertised. I forget how the lawsuit worked out, but like their hundreds were so much better than everyone else's hundreds.

I genuinely thought everyone else was selling 70s and advertising them as hundreds. It didn't even occur to me. Oh, you thought they were overselling, but it turns out. I think they were really going above and beyond. Exactly. Like that was their sort of competitive strategy. I don't know what's true. I don't want to get sued for saying this,

but I know that they were sued for putting too much in, and I don't know how it worked out. But on the show, I took like a quarter of a hundred or like a, you know, just nipped the feet off. And I was like, it is irresponsible to sell these. At the time, I had no tolerance whatsoever. People thought I was faking, I swear to God, I wasn't. I don't know if they're as strong as they used to be.

Did they have to reformulate them because they were too much? I think so. I don't know. Yeah. Because every once in a while, I would take one of those, this is years ago when they were still sponsoring us. And I could taste sometimes where I was like, oh, that was a hot shot. Well, when you think about making like a gummy, like first you're making like a liquid, like you're mixing everything together. But if like one part of the batch just kind of doesn't get properly mixed in, like some of the gum.

dummies will be shitty and then there's going to be one super gummy that kills you don't create a solution and then pour they don't create a solution and then pour the gummy base and then they drizzle it they drop okay yeah so like like I was gonna say if they took like an eye dropper of like solution and had the same amount in each no no no apparently it's a drizzle it's a random it's the guy at the fucking that's how I see it put a little marinera on top is that's how much TAC gets in my gummy although you would imagine that like since they were stamping them into like bears, I think. Weren't they bear shaped?

They've got some sort of a press or something. I don't know. Maybe it was a silicone mold. In any case, like, at my highest tolerance, I think I'd take like two and a half of those. And it's like, that's a ride. Like that's one of those where you make sure that everything is done for the night before you eat those gummies because you're done for the evening. Do you remember my highest tolerance, I would take one.

And that for me was still. the same sort of thing. Like, make sure you have nothing to do before lunch tomorrow. Do you remember the bags they came in? Yeah, what was special about the bags? There were a thousand warnings on it. Like, there were more warnings than they were aggregately other text, even for marketing on the bag. Everywhere.

Warning, warning, warning. This is stronger than you think it is. So they're not required to put any warnings on there. I think the warnings are marketing. It's like those weight loss pills. Do not take this unless you have to lose 40 pounds this month. If you only need to drop 10 or 20, don't even try it. You'll die.

Try not to come, guys. Try not to come. That's my warning to you. I get those ads all the time, and let me tell you, if Taylor was in charge of the marketing, you'd be like, let's take some of these warnings off. We need more cum splatter. This is a gummy.

Let me cook. I got a plan. Taylor was onto something with the cum pills, but none of these other things have to do with cum. He just wants cum splatters on fucking everything. Yeah. How are you doing, Vito? Mr. Beech just called me no big deal. We're tight.

No big deal. Doing all right. Chat with the beast. Chat with the beast. Tell him to add more life to his eyes when he smiles. Stop being. We don't say that, please. That's not mean.

It's always funny when I see like some news. Millionaire's feelings then Did you say 100 million? I like when I see like a news thing and it's Mr. Beast and he's like well I was inspired by a guy called Woody's Gamer Tag and I go Oh that's so that's adorable

That is a billionaire? That's what everyone says A billionaire at this point? I feel like that would have been news I haven't seen that. I don't think he's mad. I guess I'm not plugged in to the beast. I hope he is. That's awesome. According to Google, the most reliable source

on Earth is 2.6 billion. But that was that like him or his like enterprise? Like the problem is there's a lot of like Mr. Beast Industries is valued at $5 billion, but he doesn't own. Okay. I mean, I googled it, so take that for what it's worth. What's he do? Is he still making his eyes.

He said his eyes have plenty of life in him. Yeah. I'm asking him if he's gay. My guess would be that he's taking so many pictures. all day, every day, that you just got to start phoning in the smiles after a while. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, he's just got, he's got big bright eyes is all it is. I see him all over my TV all the time is the thing. Like, he's constantly advertised to me on Prime. He's got a, or maybe Netflix, too. He's got like, he's got a couple of shows, at least

one. It's got to be Prime because he's got that game show on there. That's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah. Constantly getting advertised to that. I don't watch. I fell asleep watching Grand Tour the other night. on Amazon Prime, which is like the top gear spin-off where they fired Jeremy Clarkson for, I think, punching Pierce Morgan. But it went through the end of that show while I was asleep. And I remember waking up without my glasses at like 3 a.m. to pee and just hearing like, I've got 700 people here in this warehouse. And I'm like, that doesn't sound like Jeremy Clarks.

And it just, it fed me into beast games. And I was like, what the hell is going on? I do want someone to go back to his African village and see how they're doing. I never I never trust it I was watching a video where he's like we gave 500 kids in Africa

a bicycle and it's been like two years of like how many of those bikes have not been like melted down at this point or sold out like I really want to know

if the dream is alive in Africa we put 600 yards of copper piping in this village in Africa to provide they're gonna have copper piping for days

the water's gonna be flowing like Mr. I know you don't don't show too much your phone TGA Yeah, you're on speaker phone. Hey, how's it going, boys? It's all right.

Can you guys hear? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you calling? I just wanted to make sure you're still down to be in that video. I invited you to. Yes, I replied to the form, and I'm all set. I've even been cutting weight so I don't look so fat.

Let's fucking go. Is the FPS brushes going PK? Yeah, he's listening to you right now. Oh, you want to be in a video as well? maybe and and veto's here too vito Kyle said maybe I could give him the details and give it to him offline

Kyle come on down I brought used to watch you shoot guns when I was growing up it'd be awesome to have you Oh, very cool sounds good All right yeah I'm in awesome. That sounds dope.

Yeah. All right. Later, boys. Have a good day. All right. I was so worried that whole time for some reason that the number was going to be visible. It says Jimmy, though. It doesn't say.

Good old. That's awesome. So are you? What's he? Oh, well, I guess you can't say what he's filming. Does he,

is it like announce what he's doing? I can type it to you. But no, I don't think everyone's supposed to know. It's a secret. Is it a challenge? You're going to win money? I'm supposed to win money for one of my subscribers.

But listen, fuck shit. I've been reading your comments on the podcast. None of you like me. So I'm going to find a charity. Give it to them instead. Yeah, that's awesome. That would be, I mean, the funniest possible option is that you, a wealthy, retired individual, win a tremendous amount of money on a Mr. Beast video.

That would be very, very funny. I think it was Stivo. He was on some podcast. I guess Stivo won like a Mr. Beast challenge. And it was really weird to see Steveo talking about how he thought his life was going to change after winning some Mr. Beast thing. And I'm like, wait, Steveo, didn't you already succeed? Are you really like desperate to win a fucking Mr. Beast challenge? He really thought it was going to be like a big second act for him.

And he said like one. kid in an airport was like, hey, you were in a Mr. Beast video. And then I felt bad for Steve. I'm like, dude, don't you have like normal people who recognize you at the airport? Like, why are you desperate for Mr. Beast? The, the idea that that that Steveo would be recognized for a Mr. Beast video instead of all that content is sad to me. Well, that makes us feel pretty old. He was a, he was a king. I think we're of similar age, Vito. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that jackass stuff you'd never stop talking about it jackass vivil abam like we would talk we were that was like our real housewives like we would be at the middle school lunch table and be like did you see the new beva lamb last night where he walked i can't believe ryan done did that that was insane did you see it phil was taking a shit and then he ran in there and slapped him a bunch dude i was i was deep into it i watched a fucking c k y's shitty movie what was the name of that movie did you remember that I remember as one of them like the one of the key plot points was one of them inventing a reverse microwave that makes food cold and I'm like this is the stupidest low budget like dog shit movie but I was having a really good time with it's like it's the reverse microwave it makes food cold and I'm like that's a good premise I kind of want that I know I haven't been watching or anything but I've seen a few clips online of the new fish tank season and

Sam Hyde is not hosting this one. Bam Margera is hosting this one. I saw that. Yeah, Bam Margera is there. And I saw a bunch of these like zoomer commenters on Twitter that were like, Bam, Margera doesn't go hard enough. Like, what are you? Like, we need Sam to come in there and inject some chaos.

And I felt like such a boomer where I'm like, bam, Margera doesn't go hard enough. Like, are you serious? Like, it was one day into the show. And I saw a clip of Bam Margera. Margera talking to a contestant and he was like, hey, you know what would be funny? Go in the bathroom and wipe your ass after his shit and then throw it on him. It's like that's like he goes hard. Poor, poor Bam, not getting the respect he deserves.

None of those guys. Well, dude, they're doing a new jackass movie and I'm like, if Bam's not a part of it, the whole like cutting Bam out of jackass, I'm like, dude, that's like a tragedy, man. That's like the Beatles. And you just go, yeah, we don't, we don't fucking do anything with Ringo anymore. or fuck Ringo and you're like well I don't want to watch it. They cut him out, dude. They wanted him to get sober.

But I think he like kind of did get so like I don't know. I think he like failed some piss test. And you're like, hey, you can let him fail one piss test. It's one piss test. I mean, who are amongst those passes a piss test, right? I mean, I think that if they, if they hire him, if they hire him with knowing his drug abuse stuff and then he does one of these dangerous stunts and has like a heart attack and it turns out.

and it turns out he was on cocaine when it happened. Then his family sues Johnny Knoxville because you knew that he was abusing drugs and you still let him do the rocket sled do-doodoo dash. Yeah, but that's what every jackass was. Like they were all, after they stopped getting fucked up, it wasn't quite as fun. No one went as hard as Bam, though.

Bam, like clearly had like an addiction problem with hard drugs. And he's also been a lot. But like, there was just like, it's hard because you know they're like trying to do it like oh it's for his own good but like it just gets really uncomfortable when they're just like not talking about him and acting like he doesn't exist and they're like I think the new thing for the new movie was they're like bam is going to be in the new jackass movie and you're like oh my god and they're like yeah we found some footage from 20 years ago and we're going to play it in a montage you're like well man yeah like okay let's put it this way

if he's too fucked up to do the stunts and you're worried about his heart exploding I just have him on set chilling in a fucking easy chair clapping or something like you can have him there. He's not necessarily a liability. He's too integral to cut out entirely from that whole world of jackass. Well, dude, I saw, like, I think I saw it was an interview with him. He's basically like, you know, everybody gives Johnny Knoxville to credit. But let's be clear, those CKY tapes that him and his buddies were putting out, like, honestly, more of, like, he almost claims more ownership of jackass than anybody. Like, him and his buddies were doing the stunts. Sam really helped, I think, like, sort of get the audience engaged with what those guys were all about.

And then, like, he would always, I remember, I remember his purple Lambo. There was always some stunt involving that. And I just remember him abusing his dad. And I remember his uncle's, like, gross toe and, like, weird eye. That got turned out to be a petto. And just the whole lifestyle where clearly his dad, I think there's this one moment where his dad is like, I just wish I had a normal son. I'd rather we were all just normal and poor than this. And BAM is like, well, too bad because this is what you got, old man.

And it's just like a sad moment where his dad's like, yeah, yeah, I know. I know this is what we got. All right. I guess what drives you nuts is when guys who are clearly responsible for like the current Zite guys just don't get the credit they deserve. Another guy is like Tom Green where you go, dude, Tom Green laid the groundwork for like everything. Like fucking stunt videos. he was like one of the first podcasters

doing it out of his living room or whatever else and he's like he gets like some respect but in a way he's like kind of forgotten about when I was a kid like Tom Green was the biggest fucking thing like there's Tom Green skits I will never forget I didn't think he was remote dude I remember him like

putting poop on a microphone and then like interviewing people not all of them are fucking winners man I was like I hope I'm the kind of guy who hits him for that like I aspire to be the kind of person who doesn't get bullied in that way. I thought his jokes were never funny.

He just had like situations he tried to create that were rude and uncomfortable. Rood and uncomfortable is not a good joke. It's a fucking terrible joke. And every hack tries to tell the same one. I think he sucks. And did he invent podcast? Yeah, kind of, I guess. But they get invented without him.

Did you ever see Undercutter's Pizza, the Tom Green sketch? Not sure. follows the pizza guy from house to house. He goes, it's undercutter's pizza. And the deal is we sell our pizza for cheaper than the other guy. So the pizza guy shows up with the pizza. And Tom Green walks it right behind and wearing a pizza guy uniform. And he's got a tackle box.

He goes, you order a pizza? He goes, yeah, what topics do you have? He had a whole tackle box. He's like, what? You want pepperoni? I'm like, dude, come on. He had some, yes. Some of it was just obnoxious, gross out humor.

man, it was like MTV in the fucking 2000s. I don't know. Yeah, I think Joe were into. Didn't Joe Rogan start his show because of Tom Green? I know he. Yeah. Partially to Tom Green, partially to Opie and Anthony.

But it's pretty impactful. There's a clip of Joe Rogan on Tom Green's show and he's looking around and there's like a light in his eyes where he goes, wait, you can just do a show out of your fucking house. And Tom's like, yeah, we got like webcams and we stream it. And then Joe Rogan's like, hmm, interesting. I think I'll create the largest. media enterprise. I think I'll become one of the most influential fucking voices of a generation for some fucking reason. Who saw that coming? Who was watching Fear Factor and going,

someday that guy's going to be talking to the fucking president. I always liked him. I like him from, I watched him in news radio. Like I would, I really, news radio is this hidden gem that like this generation definitely doesn't know about. It's full of stars before they were stars and people working for way less than they should have been paid. So they're all in the same show with pretty good writing. It's a, it's a fun fucking show. show. So I already liked him from that. And then when I saw him on Fear Factor, I was the perfect age to like really be into like people being forced to eat bugs or like ride a rodeo bull when they had no business being on one or drug behind a car or whatever. Like that hit me

just perfectly. So I loved Fear Factor. When it went off the air, I was like, what's my favorite show? That's the best show on TV that took it off. Like to me it was. Like remember when they made those chicks eat a drink horse come? Yeah. And Joe Rogan's in the background. I thought the horse go, go, go, you can do it. Joe did a good job. I think the show might have got canceled because of the horse come thing. I think Joe was like a big, yeah. He was like an amateur psychologist, you know, getting people to break through their own

barriers and do stuff for the good of the show. Like, I don't think anyone else could have done it as well as Joe did. He was good. He was good. He does have that kind of like thing where like if he had his hand on his shoulder and he's like, you're going to eat those fucking bugs, right? you'd be like, oh man, I mean, I feel kind of peer pressured into it. Yeah.

Let's do it. Yeah. I want to impress the short jacked guy who hosts the show. He's cool. I thought I saw a clip of him years ago being like, yeah, dude, like the first few bug things I thought were gross. But then after a while, like, I would eat one off camera in front of them to show like that it's not too scary. Like, I'll eat a Madagascar hissing cockroach. Like you just do that, which that was, those were always my least favorite.

anything to do with roaches. Yeah, that's why I can watch it. Let's take a little poll here then, because if yours is, if you think the worst is the Madagascarian hissing cockroach, mine by far is the cave spider. Do you remember the cave spiders? They got these front legs that are almost like backwards elbow pincers that are like, it's spiny all over. And I remember like the guy psyched himself up and he started munching it like super

aggressively, like as fast as he could, he's munching it. and his lips are bleeding because he because it's spiny and it like bricked his lip and and it's really ugly to look at like it looks like a deadly spider to my to the eyes of me who's a little afraid of spiders maybe a lot i used to think peak what he could do really well on that show because a lot of the fear stuff had to do with heights i'm as scared as heights as the next guy but i can push through that uh a lot of the fear stuff had to do with water get the fuck out of here uh a lot and then there was the food i have no special time for eating gross things. I'm not. But is that what knocks people out? I feel like you can just

power through. They never, they never had any Chinese contestants because the Chinese guy I'll just show up and be like, yeah, I'll eat that. I'll eat fucking things. Stop eating those. We're not even rolling. He's like, I thought this is a craft services. I thought this is a craft services table. You don't know what he could have done well on that show. I'll stand by that. I agree with the eating thing. Like, like, like, eating one thing is a lot like jumping off a cliff. It's like just, I only need to be brave for one second here.

But sometimes they make you eat a bunch of them. Sometimes they would like, I don't remember specifically, but it seems like they threw like, what do you call it, horseshoes, you know, you know, for like score.

And however many you missed was like a glass of cum you had to drink or a bug you had to eat. And nobody's good at horseshoes. So like they start adding up. And my thing was, always I'll gag. I'm going to start, I'm going to vomit this up.

That's what's going to happen. Like the problem won't be forcing myself to eat it because it is $50,000. And like, I would like $50,000. I'd need some bugs, but I think I'd start vomiting if I'm drinking a pitcher of horse piss. I think I'd start vomiting. That was my fear too. Yeah.

I think it would be easier to drink horse cum than eat a roach. Because like, you just kind of like pretend it's something else. A roach is moving around and shit. That's fair because like... It's scary. Liquid's way worse.

When you finish a roach, I guarantee there's legs in your throat. Like there's viscera. What if we give you something to chase it with? It depends. I remember it was a lot of large volumes of bad liquids. Like I don't know how much a horse actually comes, but I'm guessing it's like a Dixie Cup. I could do that. It's almost a shot class.

No, a horse shoots more than a Dixie Cup. Really? Dude, they have those guys whose whole job is to. like hook a fucking feed bag up to the horses cock and like milk the yeah they have to they have to trick and and also we know this for a fact because in jackass we saw them do exactly what veto's saying where they like grab the horse penis and then throw the like sleeve on it and then it filled up like a baby bottle of semen baby bottle that's so much that's a lot and then a horse is a big fucking animal it's shooting you know yeah and horses can't

Horses can't jack off. And so, like, that's all actually. I'm right. They come about as much as a Dixie Cup. Really? Yeah. Well, regardless, Johnny Knoxville drank. My man, these are ruined.

All right. Hutch is here. This is perfect. So here's a link of the girls. How much does a horse produce? It's between 15, 150 milliliters. How much is 150 milliliters? Why does it have to be metric?

These are American horses. I'm not fucking francs. A Dixie cup is like. 90 miller, 90 milliliters. And the answer I got was between 50 and 100. You got 15 and 100? I got 15 and 150. Oh, that's a bigger range.

I got 50 to 100 with a Dixie Cup being 90. How did the topic of horse come up? Don't you talk about fear factor. Talking about a dream I had. Yeah, this link here is the girls, these girls drink the horse. I think they played horses for who had to drink piss versus calm or something like that. There's no way they would have to drink piss. I think piss is actually has like,

click that link right there. Oh no, they drank that link right there. They got like a big German mug of piss. Like that I remember the way. They had him drink piss. Yeah. Wait,

is she, is she? This was on cable television. She was drinking. This was on network television. This is on network television. That's unbelievable. There's no way.

That's not real. That's not real. They do come after this. They do come after this. That is. I thought the. thing didn't make it to air. Did it actually make it to air? Oh yeah, I saw it. Never aired in America. It never aired in America is what I'm reading.

Well, I've seen it before. Here it is right here. These gentlemen are the contestants had to either drink donkey semen or urine. So controversial, apparently never released in the States, but. I mean, urine is a walk in the park compared to a Stein full of donkey cum. Agreed. No. Not a not either. Do you think they're a drink piss? Not a few of the guy in a Jigs in their sports brawes drank the cum better than the guys did. They're twins. Do they know what they're doing?

It's not a walk in the park. If you're that guy from like, what's that movie, 127 hours who he had to drink his pee over and over again. So it was just like more concentrated pee. And that was the only way he could stay hydrated. Yeah, about that third time through, it really sucks.

I mean, I'm looking, I'm scrubbing through this. Just look, this was a dehydrated animal. This is a thick yellow. You can get that doggy coke. or something? What the hell?

But even so, no amount of pee is is as horrible as semen. Seamen, you're going to have to like almost like chew it. It's going to be thicker than milk. Would you want it warm or cold?

I'd want it probably fresh from the tap, probably hot, yeah. What's the body temperature of a donkey? I don't know. It's relevant. Talk to your Alexa. I don't have Alexa. It's the ideal temperature for drinking

Donkey come. You don't have Android? Your iPhone? I don't have an iPhone. Yeah, the P would be gross, but it would go down just like drinking a soda. Like, it's still just liquid. What the hell's Android? You're talking about like the thickness. Oh, Bigsby.

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Biggsby Biggsby's a bitch. I disabled his ass. I know more than Bigsby. If you got a problem, press a button that calls me and I'll give you a more accurate answer than Biggsby nine times out of ten. That's what I'll do. Are you guys, are you guys, Are you guys super AI or anti-AI?

Like everybody hates AI, but do you guys use Chachapit or Cloud or any chat? I use chat Chapti every day. I use pseudo and I make artificial music. And if people don't like it, they can lick me from the back. What is S-U-N-O? I think I'm pronouncing it, right? And it makes AI music. And I used to live stream.

I haven't got into a kick of live streaming daily. It's been almost a year now. Anyway, a year ago. And I have all these songs about me, playing Eldon Ring and so. It was super fun. And every once in a while, people like, this is AI slop. And it's like, well, then you don't belong here.

Fuck you. Because I play 20 songs to stream and it's a blast. We do sea shanties about racing marbles around here. If you have a real artist who wants to make this for me, I'm in. But otherwise, like, this is what we get. For free, by the way? I bought the subscription. It wasn't a tremendous amount of money, maybe a hundred bucks a year or something.

So that I could make unlimited songs. That's pretty cool. I basically never use AI. I'll ask AI. I'll ask Grock stuff on this show, but it's almost always to compare answers with like the chat GPT stuff. There's just not that much I need to talk to it about. And I also want to.

My personal jerk off campaign. Me and Grock are in a fucking sexual relationship at this point. It's disgusting. Do you use it for my God all day. Yeah. Because here's what I'll do is. I'll take, you know, my favorite piece of erotic Teen Titans fan fiction from 2005, and I'll go, Grock, can you generate a chapter where a Beast Boy takes a shit on Raven's

face? And it goes, absolutely. And you can just feed it whatever you want and ask it to elaborate on it or be like, hey, take this picture of these two lesbians and like make a couple more of them or something. Like, Grock will do anything. It's crazy. Well, what? Everybody else is like canceling the video stuff. Like, SORA got shut down. I think like three different AI video things got shut down. Because they're bad. You got to find the good ones. Soros was pretty good.

Sore was dog shit compared to what I'm Kling. You want Kling. Okay? It's a Chinese fucking app. You pay for it on your phone. It's great. It's incredible. What is Kling do?

What do you use it for? Kling also makes filthy pornography for me. Look, I don't want to get too deep into it. But, you know. We're going as deep as, we're going balls deep into this now because you, You can animate. Dude, you can feed it fucking, like, you can generate, like, your own

fucking characters and be like, have him swing a sword at this bitch or whatever, and it'll just do it. Made up characters? I want trademark characters. Oh, yeah, you put trademark characters in it. And I can finally get to see that, like, implied scene from Star Wars where Jabba violates Princess Leia?

Yeah. Is that implied? Oh, yeah. I mean, he's over there, like, wicking her cheek when she's in, like, she's not wearing any underwear in her, slave costume. It's like sitting with a collar and a leash on. Java hit that with this weird, I don't know, weird worm cloaca. Did you guys see the discourse? Did you guys see the discourse around DLSS-5 and the massive outcry? Oh yeah. Yes. What was your take on it, Hutch?

Man, I mean, I'm, I feel like I'm on a bit of an island. Like, I think I think people have valid concerns about the ethics of stealing art and that kind of thing. And I don't know how Congress can regulate that, but I view AI as like really just this inevitable thing. And it is a kind of an arms race. And so I don't think we can afford to stifle it too much. I don't think we can afford to let other countries just lap us exponentially with this tech. And so I just view it as something that is just like it was always kind of destined to come. And then the rest of it is just about us having a conversation about how we think it should be regulated. But this idea that it shouldn't be made, I don't know, like the people that looked at the DLSS-5 versus the original, I thought

people were kind of lying to themselves a little bit when they said that the DLSS 5 looked like shit because when I looked at it I was like okay this is obviously like much better yeah we bro the people who are like going oh A I will never actually be good I'm like what what fucking planet are you living in that somebody made like a star wars fan film and it's like Luke Skywalker going through beggars canyon fighting tuscan raiders or some shit and I go if you had shown me to this five years ago before I knew what AI was I would my mind would have exploded I would have said how did you find a guy who looks exactly like Luke Skywalker to walk around Beggers Canyon.

And now people watch and they go, oh, and if you look at like frame 329 at like 1612, one of his fingers ghosts into the other finger and you're like, oh my God, this is like pedantic. Yeah, I can imagine Vito making count. You think AI is not good? I got a sock in the corner that stands up on its own proven that it's not too bad. Yeah, okay. I saw a video. Do you have an AI black widow Scarlett Johansson screaming at your dick in Spanish?

No, you don't. But I do. What did she say? I don't know, and that's what makes it hot, Kyle. I saw a hyper-realistic AI video of Charlie Park and Jeffrey Epstein, Canga Dancing. And there were no extra fingers. It looks pretty real. I think people got stuck in the Will Smith Spaghetti Videos.

And, you know, I think people, they just kind of get stuck there. And they don't, you know, it's kind of like the early days of the Internet. You remember, you guys are old enough to, like, we were in school, They used to tell us, like, you can't use the internet to do homework because it just wasn't reliable source of information. That obviously changed. But with this technology, the leaps are going to happen just so much quicker. And just two years after the crazy spaghetti video, now we're having videos where it's like,

I genuinely don't know if that's real or not. Have you seen this video? This is the Tom Cruise Brad Pitt fight. Yeah, I've seen that. That's pretty. Yeah, it's getting scary, scary, scary good. And just two years from now, it's going to be just something else entirely. I mean, if you're a creative person and you're not,

either A, utilizing this technology or be horrifically depressed by this technology? Like, you're just not living in reality. I see so many artists who are like, nah, it's a fad. And you're like, dude, we're like, dude, you got to. It's an incredibly powerful tool that we're only, dude, I have a buddy who made an entire trailer for a werewolf movie. It's like fucking phenomenal. And he's talking to me, he's going, dude, I have guys in Hollywood being like, you know,

hey we want to like fund a movie we want like we know this is just going to be how it gets made he's like i'm nobody i'm a dude on fucking youtube and he's like i got like studios coming to me being like can we fun to think can we work like the shit that a dude in his basement can just put together he put together a whole fucking vampire uh werewolf trailer and i was watching and i'm like man this is actually really cool i want to see this fucking movie so i really like i i'm not sure i love dLSs 5 um I just need to see more of it. I kept seeing mostly still scenes. And I'm like, let's see it in motion.

Let's see what it really looks like. Still shot can be misleading. What is DLSS.S.5 in the world of AI? So, InVIDIA uses, it's called deep learning super sampling, I think. And it's basically like a predictive algorithm that they've been iterating on for years. And it's a way for their system to inject like basically fake frames. it predicts what the next frame is going to be. And it allows you to get really good graphical fidelity

by boost and boosting your performance. And so you can run 4K highest settings with frame generation on and DLSSS5 and it looks really good and it plays really good. DLSS5 is like a, it's a huge leap. And it just takes images that it basically has to do with lighting. And I don't know if you can pull up like the side-to-side images, but they're going for like photo realism.

and people didn't like that, but it's not something that you have to use. Like, if you don't like the filter and you don't think that the game looks good with this filter on, you just don't use the filter. The point is you, like, play the video game, and now your video game looks like it's actual people running around in your video game. Oh, all right. Well, that sounds pretty neat, but also it could be... You don't think examples of it the other day.

Like, all of the stills we saw, I thought were improvements. Like, now, if you're... If you want to, like, the classic experience, if you don't want that character to look at, a little bit different, then just turn it the fuck off. But I would use it on most games. Definitely like RPGs, like old RPGs, for sure. Oblivion?

Yeah, like scale everything up. You're going to, anything you want to tailor your experience, like, we're going to get to the point where you're going to be like, uh, you know, I like this game, but I wish the main character was fucking Sonic. And you're going to be able to tell the AI, like, hey, can you just skin this game to look like a fucking Sonic game? I'm like, yeah, sure. Like, cool.

I like it better now. Like, you're going to be able to watch movies and be like, yeah, just replace that actor. I don't like that fucking guy. Make him a Chinese guy with a really heavy accent. That might be funny. Oh, now I'm in. Come with me if you want to Rive. Come with me.

This is a better term. Let me fix Snape in the new Harry Potter because then I can watch. Yeah, well, that's why you can't even complain about acting choices now. It's like, you know, for all the racists, every country will have its own version of the movie. You know, you'll go to fucking China. It'll be all Chinese guys in the fucking Iron Man. China already does that with like I know they're gonna love you right where they're like

oh this two brack and then they don't then they don't even run it dude that's my favorite thing about Marvel or one of them is that they have Chinese cuts of the movie where you'll be watching in America and they'll be like one Chinese lady doctor who goes like yes Mr. Ironman and then you find out in China there's a cut of the movie where she has like an entire expanded side story

of running around doing science shit for 30 minutes and you're like wait really yeah there's this book on the MCU where They talked about the early days of the MCU where they were, I didn't realize like, so China has like a set of criteria where if you meet that criteria, they'll allow like a full release of the film in the country. So that's why you turn on these movies and you see like, you know, a third of the cast. I think it's like a third of the cast have to be like native Chinese or something like that. And then they have strict censorship rules.

Like I don't think they allow queer couples. But if they if you don't get that full release, then they let it go to the black market, which just like destroys their sales there. so but yeah the early especially the early days of Marvel films they were heavily trying to adjust their movies to star was that market looper looper was another one too where that movie was that that movie was a was a huge success because he did it on a relatively low budget but it made like 90 or 100 million dollars and the and he changed that movie a lot so that it could thrive in the Chinese market but yeah and that's not the word for them to say anyway

remember that lady Ghostbusters movie which was made by yes Sony really wanted that movie to get released in China, but China has a very strict no fucking ghosts policy on everything. China just fucking hates ghosts. Is that right? I'm dead serious. And Taylor, you play magic. If you look at Chinese magic cards, if there's a ghost in the art, they'll, like, draw a fucking zombie over the ghost because China's just like, no fucking goat. Are you serious?

Yeah. So all the Chinese magic cards have alternate art. I don't know. It's like something about their culture and like also skeletons. They don't like. They don't like ghosts. It's something about either they revere them or they are afraid of them. I don't know.

I'm reading it right here. It says the government views supernatural themes as promoting unscientific beliefs and potentially causing social instability. Ghosts in Chinese folklore can symbolize corrupt officials or political critique, making them politically sensitive. What? So that's part of the reason the Lady Ghostbusters movie. If you watch it, all the ghosts are not really like ghosts.

They're like fucking weird. I don't know what the fuck. because they really wanted to get released in China. And then China went to them and they went, what's the name of the movie? And they said, Ghostbusters. And they said,

it's got the word ghost. No, you can't release this in China. Like, what were you thinking? That's insane. They made all these compromises and try and get the movie to China. China's like,

no, it's a movie about ghosts. We don't want this. There's a lot of movies with ghosts and skeletons. And none of them come out in China. They were really trying to slip one past the goalie there. Like, like the movie was ghost busters.

Yeah, they really, dude, that was the thing. Everyone went, the movie's about getting rid of them. You should love it. Yeah, exactly. We also hate ghosts.

It's about four women who hate ghosts. What a sick job, just being some guy in the Chinese Communist Party who's like, oh, too spooky. No. They banned in the early days when the, in the cultural revolution, they banned anybody talking about like the Big Bang theory. They viewed it as as like liberal property. propaganda, I guess. Wow. Are they over that now, I would guess? I think so, yeah, pretty sure.

I want to meet China's anti-skeleton minister. I bet he's a cool guy. Yeah. I mean, like, being against ghosts because you think their demons are like going to reflect poorly on the population, like that's retarded, but okay. I'm a little more trying to know something we know

ghosts, though. Like, maybe they know something that the American government keeps from us about ghosts, spook, specters. Maybe there's something to it. A billion people can't be wrong Taylor. If you play Monster Mash in China, those guys in the vans show up and shove you into culturally education.

Damn. It was a graveyard smash. I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Deast not catch on in smash and flash. We no smash. We no mash. I wish that we got some Chinese movies

the way they get our movies. I would like. love to see what they're up to, what their big blockbuster saw. Well, their huge movie was Ning Jang 2 or whatever, the most profitable animated movie of all time. And that's about like a little devil baby. So I guess they're okay

with like devils. It's like a little devil. Croshing Tiger Hidden Dragon or something like that. Crouching Dragon Hidden Tiger. One of those. I mean, did you hear the story where like some Chinese like cultural men? They loved Kung Fu Panda. And like

the head of like Chinese movies was like, this is, this is the great, how has America made the greatest Chinese movie of all time? Like, Kung Fu Panda kicked China into gear because they went and they such Kung Fu Panda and they wept at the majesty and the beauty of it. And now they're actually like making movies, making like billions of dollars and it's all thanks to fucking Kung Fu Panda. Good for Jack Black. Yeah. You kickstarted an entire Chinese cultural revolution with Kung Fu Panda. I feel like, he probably don't know his voice though. Wouldn't it be, would be, what? they dub it.

They probably probably fucking Jackie Chan do the voice or something. Oh, yeah. Do you ever see the Chinese cut of Moulon? It must have been all good of it. All right, all right. Well, we all know the best songs for Moulon. Let's get down to business, be a man.

Great time. And that was Donnie Osmond in America. They had to bring in a ringer, so they brought in Doddy Osmond. You know, they brought in for the Chinese version of that song. Jackie Chan. Dingyong Cha yong dingyong What? I listen to it all the time The Shire version is like up there

Yeah But it's all in like fucking Mandarin So I have no idea what he's saying I mean I know I guess I understand the translation Did you ever watch the animated Jackie Chan Adventures Hell yeah? No I would see that advertised And I would turn off the channel I didn't like it

So they had Jackie Chan do the voice of his animated character In a show called the Jackie Chan animated adventures Or some shit he is a real first take kind of guy it would seem they over there Jay get dragon statue he's just zero effort zero effort he just

he might have been doing it by phone he just did not it was a surprisingly good show it wasn't bad I like animation I like animated Star Trek the old one and I'm loving this season of Invincible that's one of my favorite shows Oh yeah, dude

Yeah Although I have to admit I saw everybody Shitting on the last episode And I was like it can't be that bad And then I watched it I went oh my God It really is that bad

Yeah We did a side quest It felt like the most recent episode Could have been From a previous season even You know Except for like the little Bookends

Where you've got like Mark And his girlfriend's type shit And obviously there's a spoiler At the end that I won't give away But 90% of the episode Is spent in literal hell giving us like a lot of nonsense. Why is the art so old?

Dude, I hated it. I love Invincible. You won't find a much bigger Invincible fan than me. I look forward to it. And Colin likes it. It's this thing that we share together. It's kind of nice. He's at a banging mood all day long,

either in anticipation or in like post-invincible afterglow. We're big fans. This one, though, I had to pretend I liked it. The main character does this thing that like Kevin from the office, does like why use many words when few do and there must have been 40 minutes of this ridiculous yoda like missing word dialogue i'm on my computer just like waiting for it to end i was not loving it i liked it more than you i was like shocked at how long some of the scenes were going on of yeah just like random exposition about how hell works i don't know yeah it was this huge exposition dump

that that like they literally he's like pop a squat this is going to take a a minute. And they sit down next to each other on a cliff. And he's like, well, we're in like the fifth or sixth age. And the first age was the old ones. And then the, and he's breaking this bullshit down with no,

and you would think that they would cut to like animation of these things happening to give us a, even if it was just like black and white, like remember how the old Dracula movie like for the war scenes, they just held puppets up in front of a background or something. Like, they gave us nothing. There's what or said that. It's like,

like this fifth hell, heaven fake, hell real, not balanced, people think. And I'm like, what the fuck is this dialogue? It was hard to sit through, I thought. Yeah, Damon Darkblood has a very annoying cadence and speech pattern, very Yoda-esque. And he even says, urms a lot. He has some weird thing he says. There's some non-word reaction that's annoying. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either.

And I obviously I want to get back to like the fucking intergalactic space war that that is like coming. And and I guess I care that, you know, there's a pregnancy that you know, all that stuff. But overall, like I'm loving the whole season. Like I think I like the fights. I like Mark's family dynamic. Why is the art so terrible? It's fast. Why does it look so bad?

I think it's, it's animation, man. They've got to cut some corners to like get the shit out. It's like worse than the Simpsons. It looks rough. It is not worse than the. Simpsons. It is not worse than the Simpsons. Did you guys watch Night of the Kings? What is it? A Knight of the

Kingdom? Yeah, Night of a Seven Kingdoms. Dude. That was... Nine kingdoms. I thought that was pretty sweet. I liked it. Dude, I went into it with the lowest expectations and it ended up being the best Game of Thrones since like season four of the original series probably. It was crazy.

I had to talk them into it because of the hate that we all share for Game of Thrones and what happened and everything. We all have a strong hatred for that for what happened in the last few seasons especially that last season D&D I despised them when I saw their Star Wars deal got next

I was like yeah fuck those guys I hope something I hope their homes burned in that big fire they had fuck those guys they're doing the three body problem now on Netflix which is pretty good I like the book and I don't read it out of spite I don't read it out of spite I won't be part of that

I won't be part of it I don't feel like a hatred I just feel like a deep like man how do you just not stick the landing. They were like, I think that basic plot beats could have worked, but they didn't give them any room to breathe, you know? Like, I think you could have definitely made DeNaris evil. You know, you just needed a season to do it. It's not just like, eh, I kill people now. Fuck it. And you're like, well, okay. Yeah, well, this kind of ruins the previous five seasons of character development, but I guess, uh, no, she was always a little over cruel. She was a little bit. Yeah,

fair. Yeah, I mean, dude, they showed her like burning guys alive and shit. Like, she was on her way. Bad guys, though. They were bad guys. You needed a trip. She didn't act like a good guy. She was a moment where she snapped. Yeah. I think we talked about this maybe one of the last times I was on, but when you go back and rewatch the seasons and you look at her arc, she's actually taught through that universe that violence is the solution. And so I think it is building to that moment, but it's just the fact that, you know, I think HBO wanted three seasons and they said, no, we need to do it in one.

And so they really did rush that. They did six episodes, remember? She was building towards overcoming that traditional Targaryen strategy towards achieving what you want, which was brutal, brutal violence in the furtherance of your... It's called an arc, Taylor.

That's what you... It's called a fucking arc. Like, she... And then that arc just dissipated. Because they only did six episodes and ended that season so short when it should have been at least another season, maybe even another season

after that, to really, if you go back to the first season and see how slow the wheels move, in the second season, how slow the, we're barely moving. And then by the time you get to in the sixth, in the seventh and eighth seasons, we're teleporting around the seven kingdoms, like it's nothing. The last time you saw a character there in Kings Landing

and whoopsie Daisy, I'm at the wall, or vice versa, just zipping around. And it ruins that like, Yeah. The size of the continent was a character in its own way where it's like when you when you said that oh like bad things are happening to my family, but they're happening in Kings Landing. It's like oh, well, shit. It'll be there in two months. Like I hope there's still relevant in two months. It's that slow burn that makes the tension work so well in those early seasons of Game of Thrones. Like the fact that they slowly built to things like the Red Wedding and Joffrey, you know, everything. that like all of that just made those scenes just so much more tense and so you kind of that you robbed that a bit in that last season but i remember being so compromised that i was like defending the last

season on twitter it's not that bad everyone's fucking overreacting because i just wanted it to to be like perfect because i just loved that show so much and then i watched the second time i was like now there's fucking problems there's so many problems with the other direction the first time i watched it i thought it was terrible and a lot of that was because i was so excited that was so excited and so invested that I wanted it to be great and it missed the mark of great. But on rewatch, when I'm like slurping down two, three episodes in a day,

suddenly it's not like, man, we only have seven episodes this year and I would need each of them to be wonderful. It's like, yeah, whatever. I can watch them back to back. If this one was kind of a miss, the next one's good. I just didn't like what they did the characters. Jamie's arc,

Jamie had been doing an eight-year arc where he's going from a literal like snotty, evil guy. He cripples Brand. He tried to kill him. Like, you know, and by the end, he's our hero, Brand deserved it. He's our hero, Brandon, deserve it. Were you peeping in there for?

A little sister love, that's all. You little fucking four-eyed bitch, Harry Potter looking crippling out of here. Come on, Kyle, you'd have watched. I'd have watched too, but I'd have worked into a bird to do it, so they wouldn't catch me. That's my bird, cloaca. Yeah, it's two cloaca mentions. There's a third coming. I didn't like that.

I didn't like that Jamie's story, like, he became a, bad guy again he turned he went back to his sister you know i think he just became pathetic let me rewrite it real quick all you got to do to rewrite it and this is perfect i don't know did he become a bad guy though because he saved her from that that that one uh who was that one uh who was that one guy who was supposed to be like so much worse in the books i think and i i didn't read the books but i hear like the books it's like way more evil guy yeah he was gonna tell us his answer to fix james how do we fix game of thrones i needed aria to pretend to be jami and and go back to the queen and get her revenge on the queen for killing her father.

Because that's her entire arc beginning to end. The story of Aria begins when her father's head is cut off. And it ends when she gets revenge for that against the queen. The queen didn't really kill her father, though. Yeah, that's true. But she definitely hates the queen. I need her to kill the queen there. And I also, I kind of, I didn't like the Cleganne bowl, as they called it.

It was so built up. It was a whole meeting that they were going to fight. That was a huge letdown. I didn't like Jamie like spurning that big tall bitch. What's her name? Brienne of Tarth. I didn't like that. By the way,

she's a descendant of the main character from 9 to 7 kingdoms. I'm like 95% sure. Yeah. Brin was one of the few characters who was better in the show than the books. Because there was nothing worse than turning the page in a Game of Thrones book and seeing Brian at the top. I'm in the woods again, walking around again. You're like, god, damn it, Brian. You don't get fucking anything.

Maybe I'm super toxic, but I kind of liked that he ended up going back to Circe because even though he had this redemption arc that, like, his love for Searcy was always just a fundamental part of him. And so it was bittersweet and you felt bad for Brienne, but I did feel like that was a satisfying end to that arc. I didn't like it. Me personally. I thought it was kind of fucked up romantic in a way.

the biggest, every conversation he had in the previous two seasons with Brienne and everyone else was a lie when he just, you know, seamlessly inserted himself back into that same situation. The character growth was for naught because he ended up right back where he started in his sister's arms. Character shit matters. Here's what matters. You're the main zombie and all the other zombies are fed by your power. Do you go to the woods so a little bitch can stab you? Or do you hang out in the fucking other side of the wall and you don't got to. bother with none of it.

None of the prophecies matter. Nothing. None of it mattered. John coming back. It doesn't matter. Why would the Night King be like, all these guys are powered by me? I got to go personally down there and get stabbed by a magic knife. The Night King was sick. And when he died to Aria like fucking parkuring her way to him, I was like, what the fuck is that?

Like, this is the United King has to kill Brand for some reason? He was like trying to kill Bran. Remember when the 10,000 de Thrasse, horsemen were defeated off screen. Yeah. After being built up for years. And the golden company were destroyed in like one second. Yeah.

They're the most dangerous cavalry force in the world. And it's like that was good. There were entire episodes that were about the negotiation and the payment of the gold company because they're so fucking hard as nails, badass motherfuckers. Gone and gone instantly. And the same is true of the Dethraki Horde when Robert Barath is like, The Dithraki Horde on an open field are undefeated. they cannot be beaten and it's just like oh shit

they got it and then you know obviously we hang out with Cal Drogo for a while and you realize these guys aren't fat old men there's not an old guy among these guys everybody's like a 25 year old badass and they live to fight yeah I should have mentioned all of their battles involved

you know unarmed farmers you know they're very good at slaughtering women and children they have never thought immortal ice beings from the norm they were being off screen and he's if I recall correctly that's mostly right but they were actually beaten in the dark you just saw the torches go out yeah you know what nobody's talking about that's that's worse if you know me's a story of how they lost I'd have liked it better than seeing the torch because because remember the the red witch whatever her name is missandra she she like raises her hand in the air and does some fire magic and all of their hook swords ignite I was like oh shit

be insane. I expected us to go like P.O.V of like a Dothraki badass as he rides headlong through like hundreds of yards of ice demons and every time he hits one they explode and the cinders of him that touch other ones make them

explode and they're just screaming like Apache making their way through the ice people clearly going to win the day and then zombie ice dragon shows up and does a zombie ice breath right over the top of the Dithraq. Do that for me and I won't mind. Don't kill him off

screen like they're peons. Dude, there's five minutes of that episode having a speaker on a library. Hold on. Zombie ice dragon wipes him out. Brand wargs the ice dragon. Now he's back on our side. I would have loved that. We all wanted that. I thought it was

fun and kind of funny that the Knight King waited until like 40 minutes before the battle to be like, there's a dragon in that like we're going to We're going to get like, oh, oh, shit, guys. Another little nugget.

What if what if the reason that the, I can't, the head Lannister who died, what was his name? Taiwan. What if the reason Taiwan hated the midget so much and also had that huge beef with the king was that the king had had sex with his wife. And Tyrion was actually a secret Targaryen this whole time. and he gets to ride the small dragon. Remember, there were three dragons and one of them was little. I was thinking the whole time through, like, if there's a scene where she tries to use the dragon to kill Tyrion,

like she puts Tyrion to the trial, and she's like, guilty, fucking says the magic word to make the dragon blow fire, and it nuzzles Tyrion. And that would have been so, and then fucking Tyrion on a dragon flying through the air. I think he even has a quote. He has a quote at one point,

like early on where he's like crying about some shit about how bad his childhood is. and he's like, I always wanted to fly. And I'm like, oh, shit, foreshadowing. They're going to let him fly by the end. Remember this moment. That undermines Tyrion's position of power. Like, he's not meant to be a physically powerful guy.

Like, he's powerful. How dope would it be if Tyrion was so clever that he warmed up to the dragons while they were locked away underground? That he just went there and he fed him goats and stuff. And then when they tried to use the dragons against him, they're like, not our buddy Tyrion, not the goat dude. Did you guys hear that, um, did you guys hear that they're working on a movie? They just announced a movie?

Game of Thrones? I'm disappointed. I'm like, oh, so it's like an episode of 30 minutes longer? No, the John Snow show got canceled. Because of the success of Night of a Seven Kingdoms, they're back into like pre-production. When did they announce that? I read it on Reddit like a week ago.

They're going to do like a John Snow show that has Aria in it. Oh. No, I didn't hear that. I'm totally down. No, they're doing a movie. They're doing a feature film and it's on, I don't know anything about the books, so it's on Agon the First, known as Agon the Conqueror and Agon the Dragon. But yeah, I don't know a movie either. Oh, that's way two things to say. One, Game of Thrones, I feel like none of the actors aged badly.

Maybe Bran or something, I haven't seen her. But Aria could still play Aria. Sonsa could still play Sonsa. She's in terrific shape right now. What's her name's playing Tomb Raider? That's Sonsa. That's Sonsa. That's Sons. Sophie, maybe. Sophie something. Sophie Turner. Sophie Turner. You know what I'm looking forward to?

Firefly. I think there's an animated firefly coming out. That's right. I did see that. That's right. Well, it's got to be animated. All the actors are a thousand and five years old now. See, I'm okay with the actors being kind of old as long as they don't try to play younger versions of themselves.

Like when Star Trek did that third season of Picard and everybody's 60, 70, 80, 90, I think, Patrick Stewart, maybe. and I was like, this is fine. It's still fine. They're always cracking jokes about how they're old and shit. They made plenty of, I'm over the hill or jokes. It was fine having all those old-ass people play their original selves because they're not playing, trying to play younger. That's what doesn't work.

I get you, yeah. What I don't want is, you know, the 70-year-old version of them beating up random people around the galaxy. Like, give that a rest. But I'm also okay with animated because there's no limits on what they can do. There's no budget constraints aren't the same kind of problem in the idea. should be. The Harry Potter TV show should be animated because they've already said that at first, I feel like they said they were going to try to do one season per year of like per book.

That's right. And one season per year. And they've now said that's completely impossible. So it's going to take them 10, 12 years to do this series that's supposed to be, I think, eight years or seven. Seven, yeah. Yeah, I always mix it up because the last. The seventh book is two books or whatever. Or something like that. In any case, they're going to be so old by the end. They're going to be too fucking old.

Harry Potter turns 40 this summer. I don't need him playing a high school kid. Well, no, I don't need him. Well, no, I'm suggesting that. Well, that would be funny. A new voice actor, get children to do the voices of the... No, no, no. We're not on the same page.

I think I was mostly agreeing with you. Like, yeah, it should be animated. They could even get Daniel Radcliffe to play the guy and keep the voice. But if they took a 40-year-old and cast them as a high school senior, they start to lose me. Yeah, well, they start out at 11. So I would imagine the actors are all like 10 or 11 years old, playing 10 or 11-year-olds, because that's the first year.

What would be the ethics of puberty blockers? It would be immoral. I'm just saying. That's a very practical. Normally, I'm nervous about this, but if it's for my entertainment. mean. Hear me out. I'm just saying. Listen, you're going to be 5'3 forever and your testicles are going to be little and you're not going to have a developed dick, but you're going to be the most fantastic Harry Potter there's ever been.

Speaking of Patrick, speaking of Patrick Stewart, him and Ian McAllen are both coming back again as Professor X and Magneto in Doomsday. Hell yeah. Yeah. That movie. Here's why that's just perfectly fun, especially with Patrick Stewart's case. I bet Patrick Stewart's probably not that mobile these days. He looked real rickety in that last season of Picard. Professor X is in a goddamn wheelchair. It's perfect. You just wheel his ass around.

He'll be able to work full hours at that rate. You just wheeling him everywhere. I don't know about Magneto, though. He looks a lot. 93 is my guess. They're in their 90s. They're in their 90s. I think it's both of their last films is what they say.

But I feel like every actor says that and then keeps doing movies. That's risky to start a movie with a 93-year-old actor. Oh, he's only 85. It's the swan song. So, like, Kevin Feige got his start working on the X-Men films originally. And then he ended up at Marvel and then they made their own, like, dedicated studio. So for him, he's using Doomsday to be like a swan song for everything, like X-Men, the old Toby Spider-Man movies. So, like, all those characters are going to show up in one form or another.

Like, people are not ready for how much that movie is like, they. are cooking insanely with that movie it's gonna blow people fucking away I wouldn't say I'm excited for it but I'm going to watch it I won't miss it I'll make sure I seen her to see it as soon as I can I guess I'll go to the movies why not unless they're not phoning it in for this one they are not pointing it in for this man I I don't think I've ever really loved an X-Men movie I love scenes from X-Men movies I love the scene where Quicksilver went fast and taste the coffee along the way or something I I there are a bunch of good scenes

scenes in it, but movie from start to finish, I don't think the X-Men have ever been very good. X-Men 1 and 2 and days of future pass I would say are all like very solid and then the rest are kind of varying degrees of quality, I would say. What's the one

where they break that giant Australian juggernaut guy out of the truck? That was X-Men 3. It's not good. I've seen that one and he was the only part of that movie that was like sick. So you're your power is just you get moving

hell yeah like you just you can't be stopped no one can stand in front of this guy but yeah the only other cool thing about that movie was that Ian McKellen was in it

because he's awesome he can he can kind of pull anything away from the brink like he does a cool character you know he's he's not like an evil villain he's just just not aligned with pure good you know he's a he's a he's a

a Nazi death camp survivors. He killed those innocent guys who were trying to guard him. He has a rational reason to be the way that he is which is like the best kind of villains, you know. Yeah, I was waiting my turn but that's big for me. Like it the villains in Avatar 2

were just evil for the point of being evil. They just found like the worst tactics. It's always like kill the children to lure the moms to capture the they're like handcuffing children to sinking ships to lure the parents in and stuff like that. They were so over the top evil without really a good reason or plan for being this evil. It wasn't believable.

But like a good Thanos or Magneto who you're like, he's kind of evil, but he's kind of right. Well, they changed Thanos. And the comics, like his motivation for killing half the universe was because he wanted to fuck death, which is this character in the, but in fairness, he's kind of right. Well, she's played by Aubrey Plaza in the. in the show, which is, you know, she's pretty, she's pretty smoking hot. The Parks and the rec lady? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She had her day. But in, but in the movie, they changed, the, the writers changed him because they didn't, they thought that that was just kind of boring. So they changed him up to be someone who, like, you kind of makes you think, like, well, I don't know. Like, maybe it is a good idea to do that. So, but they would, they want to do the same thing with Downey, coming back as Dune.

And I know people probably think that's nothing but a gimmick, but I don't think they're, they're phoning in it at all. Like, I think they are going to make that character very. compelling. I think people are really excited about it. I think they're generally a positive vibe about him to Robert Downey Jr. coming back and being a bad guy and such. I'm skeptical that he can continue to hit a home run every time he comes at bat, but we'll see. I hope he's not likable at all. I hope that they don't make him, I hope that they make him awful. And I hope that they're able to intermingle all these characters together because I'm almost positive the Fantastic Four are going

to be part of this. Because at the end of Fantastic Four, they tease. They are. They are. They are. They Doom and then you have all of the X-Men. Are they going to do both versions, like both timelines? Is there going to be time travel where like you've got both versions of Professor X or something like that? Somehow Logan is still alive. Are we in a different universe where Logan is still alive? Well, Logan, the Logan from like the X-Men films, he's dead.

But like the new one in the Deadpool, he's going to be in this film 100%. Same with Toby. Same with Toby. They need to fix their pacing with Marvel. movies. Now I've seen Iron Man One. I've seen Guardians of the Galaxy and I've seen Infinity War. And so I think I have a pretty good feel on the whole year. Sure. I'm a madder expert. When I was watching Infinity Wars years ago, I remember, like, they would all land there triumphantly.

And then the director was like making them stand still for three to five seconds because they knew that would be a point where the entire theater was clapping. And it's like, this is this is crazy like you're you're catering the movie to like victory events within the theater like that it's it's so fan servicey that it turned me off and I didn't even know the backstory of those characters as people were landing that is that is oh iron man spider man who the fuck is that that's some lady with like fucking wasp antennas like I don't care for it. That's the wasp, by the way.

She got fucked up. She just recently fell and hit her head on a rock, and she's like really fucked up. She might not act again. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, the lost?

The real wasp? Yeah. Yeah, the actress. She was from lost, yeah. That girl. Yeah. I remember her name. How'd you find?

Just a random trip? I don't know. Yeah, I think, no, I think she just tripped and her fucking head landed on her. rock. Oh, that's horrible. Hopefully she gets better. It sucks.

That would be the worst way to get injured. You're like trying to be healthy. You fall and crack your head open. Did you guys give it and or accident? Brain damage. Oh, yeah, no, she got fucked up, yeah. I love the indoor.

Did you guys, did you guys give it? Oh, I was going to ask you. Yeah. Did everybody give me indoor a shot? I did. I did. I did. I watched season one.

I thought it was hot garbage. Oh, what? What? In fairness, I'm right. I mean, it just, it was like two different stories they were telling like before and after the prison thing the pacing was super slow you kept waiting for them to like make their breakout or something and they just took one episode's worth

of content and stretched it to three for the second half of the season I I didn't love it and maybe I was little damaged by the fact that people hyped it they're like and or is one of the better start wars contents that exist best are you saying that because season two was good the one I didn't see. When we watched season one, I think we started season one when season two was about to come out or something and it was that perfect timing. And I ended season one and my girlfriend was like, dang, now we got to wait a year. And I'm like, but wait, there's more.

And I like push the button down and season two happens. And she was, yes! Like she was so pumped for season two. I love it. I love the acting. I love that character. Prior to Andor, Rogue One was already my favorite Star Wars property, like bar none. I like the gritty, like, I don't need lightsabers everywhere in my face.

I don't need more stormtroopers necessarily, like, getting slaughtered. I like the gritty nature of that movie. And so the show really, like, clicked with me. And I like the, you know, the political, like, stuff, especially, like, it feels relevant, you know, in our current political climate a little bit. I thought you hated all the Star Wars shit. Like, all the new Star Wars shit, because that's what's informed of my name. I firmly believe that if you're going to actually hate something, then you should know everything. about it. You shouldn't hate ignorantly.

You should hate being well-informed about something. Okay. I like that. Why I hate rings myself in the Star Wars universe. I've read the comics. I've watched like those deep dive YouTube fucking docs and stuff. Like I want to know. I want to know what's so good about this so I can go back and shit

on it at a time and time and time again afterwards. And if I had to rank them like Andor's the best shit they've ever done. Season two is better than season one in my opinion. It was just so fucking good. But Rogue One is my next favorite after that. And then I would probably go back to like

Return of the Jedi, like back to the old movies and then it, and then they're all bad after that. Everything's bad. Well, they brought Tony, they brought Tony Gilroy in to fix kind of Rogue One. I think they had Colin Trevereaux who was the original director. And then Tony Gilroy came in and Kathleen Kennedy

liked what he did so much with Rogue One that they workshoped an idea and like the studio they, like the execs, they didn't want to give him that budget because Andor had like a 400 million dollar budget. It was crazy. But she believed in his vision so much that she pushed for him to like execute on that creative vision. But Tony Gilroy just openly says he's not a fan of Star Wars. Like that moot like and or is about basically it's just about revolution. Just the conditions for

revolution, what revolution looks like and and especially like what you have to sacrifice for a revolution. And I just found like I found that writing to be so inspiring. Like the show is really good at rousing speeches. Like there's like seven just insanely inspirational speeches. The best speech and so the best speech for me is the twin. You got to watch the show. You got to watch the show

it's got all these rousing speeches. You say that. You say that. I watched Lincoln. It was the same shit. I don't want to watch a speech. I'm the only one here who hasn't watched it and you're not selling me. I like speeches. I get into this. We got to Fayette in, you know, before the Palantian fields or whatever.

fucking compare to Thayden. I mean, there's some, there's some speeches that come close when the old, like,

head spy guy is, is talking to his, his underling that he's got implanted into the, into the place. They're on this catwalk, like having this clandestine meeting. And the underling is like,

I've, you know, you're not risking anything. You have nothing to lose. He's, lose! I've lost everything. And he,

like, breaks down the things he's lost, and they're all intangible things. My honor, my self-respect. It's like a, five minutes speech too when you see a movie poster you know and on the poster it'll say rousing speeches variety you know oh this will be ready to be lectured are you ready to be roused get fuck

i'm sorry he loves a good rousing speech taylor i'm sorry he loves a good rousing speech if it if it comports with kind of the nature of the film what's your favorite good rousing speech is it they in a before they did the charge. It would genuinely be Thayden before the charge. Can I tell you for a long time for me? For me for a long time, it was Independence Day when the president's getting everybody hyped up to like take off and then they're all rag tag. The fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday.

He's getting this fucking going. Clint Eastwood and unforgiven before he steps outside. All right, I'm coming out. Like all those speeches are just great. I like though. That's the Independence Day speech, though. When I try to think about, I'm like, what's happening? are we declaring our independence from aliens?

Yes. Okay. This is kind of a strategy theme. It's not going to be known as an independent. Fourth of July has a new meaning. I mean, the speech kind of explains what the new Fourth of July is about. That's what the speech is. I wish you had said, this is ID4.

And in ID4, we don't fuck around. Do you remember that how they, that's how they marketed the movie for some reason? Everything said ID4 on it. And you're like, what is ID4? What the fuck is this? I can't think of any other good rousing speeches in movies that I really love. And you guys know my braveheart, gladiators. I was going to say it as a gladiator.

Braveheart would be up there. Oh, it's not so rousing, but it's also in return to the king when Gandalf is speaking to Pippin, where Pippin's like, so this is where it ends. Oh. This is. We're Rocky at the end of Rocky 4 when he's fucking. I haven't seen any of the Rocky. It's cheesy.

Basketball when they're on. incredible. Laguna Guna balance board of friendship or whatever and fucking squeak has to remind them to fight his brothers. Who doesn't love a good rousing speech? I mean, that was like the...

Oh, no, I'm not saying I don't like him. I'm saying they've got to comport to the nature of it. It can't be a lecture. It's got to be part of the story. You should watch Rocky for independent of the other films because he basically like solves the Cold War and it's incredible.

Yeah. Yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible. Wait, Slice Stallone gives the space. Yeah, he fights Ivan Drago and fucking communist Soviet Union. Well, I do like seeing the U.S. dominate communist Russia. That's pretty sick. Then you should watch. Have you really never seen Rocky Four?

I haven't seen any of the Rockies, no. Let me just tell you this about Rocky Four. You don't need to see the other films for this. Rocky comes out of, so here's the situation, Taylor. I'm going to lay it out for it. This is a hell of a story. So Rocky's mentor, Apollo Creed. I'm going to tell you the story of Rocky Four real quick.

So Rocky's this guy. Love fighting, right? No, he doesn't anymore. He's retired. He's millionaire. He's out of the game. But his mentor, Apollo Creed, the black guy, he, Carl Weathers. He's going to do like this exhibition fight against this big Russian champion that nobody knows anything about on the 4th of July. So Apollo Creed comes out, dressed like Uncle Sam, doing like shuffle steps and stuff and dancing for the crowd, playing it up. James Brown is there. The James Brown band is there singing a song performing. It's a big, like, silly fight. It's not meant to be serious. I'm curious. Ivan Drago beats him to death in the second round, beats him to death. He's that giant Jacks Blonde guy, right? Yes, golf lundron, enormous human being. And so Rocky decides that he has to avenge his friend and America's honor by, and the only way the Soviets will accept the fight. He's like, they're like, we came to you the first time. You're coming to us.

So Rocky has to train in Siberia in like an old cabin. He's doing upside. down sit-ups in an old frozen barn. He's dragging, he's cutting trees down and dragging logs while the KGB like observers try and fail to follow him through the snow. A farmer's wagon is broken down. Rocky lashes it to himself and starts pulling it through the snow. Rickshaw's it.

Rickshaw's it, a whole like mule wagon, all right? Meanwhile, Ivan Drago is back at some secret Soviet laboratory with all these digital displays. He's on like electrodes. They show them injecting the steroids into him And he's doing all these He's got a machine for every muscle imaginable

It's like 10 gold gyms on top of one And they're measuring his punching power And they're showing like how many pounds for square inch And they'd already told you earlier No one can survive 1,000 PSI It is lethal And he's hitting 1,100, 1200 Yeah

And the music's playing the montage music And finally They didn't test it against a shopping one with A wop skull. Exactly. They didn't anticipate that a wop skull can take any amount of punishment that men can throw at it. You need to be able to put Sleone down because he's coming with America and Apollo Creed on his shoulder. America over here, Apollo Creed over here.

And they're just talking in his ear. He even hears Mickey at one point. Mickey's ghost comes back to him. Dude, I'm going to skip the first three and watch this. That sounds awesome. You literally can without. You'll be fine. you should go straight from that

you should go straight from that to Creed 2 after what he does to Ivan Drago so you got to keep in mind this is a very politically charged environment all the Soviet like communist bosses are sitting like up in it almost was like a jury booth like sort of a box they're like above the regular crowd and at the end they stand and clap

one by one they just stand up and start clapping Yeah. And he's given a speech. Fies can change and use can change. So the best part about the Rocky films are the, the best part about the Rocky films are the montages, the training montages, because they're just so over the top. Rocky four, there's a scene like that scenery is in Siberia. They do three training montages back to back to back. Like it's like 15 minutes of training montage. It's so over the top, but it's incredible. I used to watch that and then go work out in the basement when I was a kid. kid. I was like, all right, let's do it. It's great.

Motivational when you watch Rocky do one of his montage. So is Rocky for the best one? No, not by far. The first one won Oscars. I think the second one was my favorite. So the first one's the best. The second one is the second best. The fourth one is pretty good.

The third one's pretty good. The fifth one is garbage. Wait, the fifth one, is that the one with this kid? He trains this new guy named Tom. Tommy, like that one. I like it more than Kyle did. So Bester gave it a zero out of 10. But then they started making, they started making Creed films.

And like, all those are great. And then, but Craig too. Yeah, Rocky Balboa is really good too. That one's underpreciated. It's not bad. It's Rocky. Six, but it's just called Rocky Balboa. In Rocky Five that I just love.

Like, Rocky's there. He's at a diner. He's a regular there. All these other, like, big, fat guys are at the diner. They're like old friends, it would seem. And Tommy Lee, who's played by Tommy Morris, an actual, is he the gun? Anyway, an actual like professional heavyweight boxer.

I think he might have been champion for a brief while. Foreman, I don't know. Anyway, he calls out Sylvester Stallone. And his buddies in the streets. He goes into this diner and he's like, let's do this. And his friends are like, Rocky would back you up. And he's like, oh, this ain't no pie eating contest. They're all 80 pounds overweight.

It was his dope one. He originally died in the script. Like, he was supposed to die in Adrian's arms, and they decided not to do that, which saved, I'm glad. Made them a lot of money in the future. Instead, it ends with, he defeats Tommy Gunn in a street fight, showing off, like, street fighting skills.

It's no longer a boxing match. He's street fighting. He defeats the heavyweight champion of the world as old over the hill Rocky in a street fight, and then, like, he sort of bucks up to his manager, who's this black actor. I think it's Jackie, the lawyer from Seinfeld. I think it's that same actor.

And he's like, that's hilarious. And that guy like bristles up. He's like, catch me an eye, sue. And Rocky thinks about it for a second. And then hits him so hard that he flies through the air onto the hood of a car. And he's like, sue me for what? I think I got a case against the tobacco company. But Rocky's so broke, he's got nothing to sue him for, right, at this point.

So that's the worst movie by far. The first one is legit. In Rocky 4? Five. In Rocky 5, he's broke. In 5? He's not the worst. movie. Sylvester Solon gives that inspirational speech to his son who like doesn't take

accountability for his stuff. It's not for me. It's the worst by far. You know, what you got to be doing is fighting people in the street. I'm telling you, these are good fucking movies. The first Rocky, like if you watch the first Rocky, you'll want to see the second Rocky. I feel like I don't even need to watch it now. It's a genuine it's a genuine. It was like a genuine, but then as the series, as the franchise progresses, is, no, I think it won best picture. I think he won best screenplay too. But like,

as the franchise progressives, it just gets, or progresseses, it's just more and more ridiculous. Like he fights, Mr. T and the third one. And then the fourth one was like that. I think the third one is a dip

and gets better afterwards. That's just me. You don't like Mr. T? Right. He also fights Hulk Hogan in that movie, too, who plays a character called Thunder. Yeah.

I didn't like the silliness of it. He broke, um, Sylvester Stallone's ribs. like in real life, Hulk Hogan just went fully ham and I think like need him in the sternum or something like that and he actually like broke his ribs. He was injured when he did that. I love those movies. I wish I could get Taylor to watch things. I told him we don't have that power. Yeah, I'm going to have to get him to do our movie podcast where I force him to watch the

movies. His family should have inflicted on him for the last two generations of movies. How do you not see Rocky. What movies like better yet? What like scenes or moments do you think are in the like Mount Rushmore of American cinema? Man I no time for caution no time precaution the uh in

interstellar where he's got to fucking dock the God that music dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun and he's like that's an amazing scene. I love when Captain America catches the hammer I have that one of mine. You can't handle

the truth when Tom Cruise faces down against what's what's his name and Jack Nicholson in court that's in that goes both ways but Nicholson kills it but for me I love Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood he's got this this whole speech when he walks in the bar

and they've killed Morgan Freeman his best friend and they got him like hanging as a decoration outside and he walks in the bar who's the fellow owns this shit hole nobody says anything and this guy's you fat man speak up and this guy steps

I own the establishment. I bought it from Freely back in 78. And cleanest, cleanest, what goes, you boys better step aside and two guys kind of move out of the way. He just immediately,

boom, blows him away with a shotgun. It's so iconic. That movie, talk about a slow burn. Oh, you only get a glimpse of just how fucking badass he is

in like the final five minutes of the film. The whole movie, they talk him up. The whole movie, people will be like, remember that time when you did this, that, and the other,

and you killed those five men. And he just said, I ain't like that no more. I ain't like that. I was drinking. in half the time. I don't remember most of it. I don't like that no more. And he hasn't touched a drop the whole movie.

And then he hears that they whipped Morgan Freeman to death for information in this town. And now they're decorating the saloon with his body. He starts drinking as he listens to the story of what they did to Morgan Freeman. And like I said, he walks in there and Gene Hackman jumps forward. He's the sheriff. He's, he's big.

And he's got great provado in this movie. And he's like, well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch. You just shot an unarmed man. I said, you should have armed himself. if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend. You'd be William Money, I suspect. Killer of women and children. That's right.

I killed women and children. I killed just about everything that walked or crawled this earth at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you little Bill for what you've done to Ned. You really got it down. It's fucking intense. I love that scene. I want to do the moments thing. I don't want the topic to change.

I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment. America Hammer thing. No one mentioned the Darth Vader reveal, whereas is Luke's father I thought that was an American cinema moment The first time you see the T-Rex in Jurassic Park is pretty fucking iconic

I saw that in theaters on opening night and just blew my mind as a nine-year-old and it still holds up to this day for sure I'm thinking about Michael kissing Fredo man broke my heart I was just thinking about the godfather yeah the montage of Michael taking out

all of the New York crime families that's the moment for me that is the moment of that movie when you've just got this montage of everybody getting it getting shot in the eye. Mowbring gets shot in the eye. That dude gets stuck on. One guy gets shot on the fucking steps of the courthouse, all that shit.

The diner scene between Alpuccino and De Niro and Heat is another pretty fucking iconic scene. The Italian restaurant scene between Michael and the police captain and Barzini or whoever. I can't remember the character's name in Godfather One. That's one of my favorite scenes. any movie. Like even when they start speaking in Italian, you can follow exactly

what's being said. Like you know what's being said. It's so fucking good. And that train, that elevated train starts getting louder and louder and they zoom in on Michael's eyes. And sort of like that noise of the train is like this static in his brain. And you're feeling it. And then he just fucking pulls the gun out and kills him both.

Ooh, that's intense as hell. You know, I love how we can't find the gun at first. It's such a nice little detail. Oh, yeah. Fuck. You're like, fuck, start getting nervous.

There's a moment in saving private Ryan when they slowly push the knife into that guy's chest towards the end of the movie. And it's just like you lose hope by bit by bit as it sinks deeper and deeper. Yeah, that hit pretty hard.

I don't know if it belongs on Mount Rushmore, but that's an intense moment. And a movie that has intense moments, but none more so than that. That's so visceral. Because you like that character. That's your kind of comedic relief guy. And this coward downstairs, if he just fucking buck up and come up the stairs,

like could solve this problem for us. And you think he will because that's what usually happens. But he doesn't. Oh, yeah, I feel that every time. On the other side, the same movie, the sniper who has a gift for war, like just calling out, like quarterbacking all this shit, making it happen, probably leading the squad and kills as well as- Handed rifle left-handed also.

Oh, good detail. Yeah. I probably wouldn't pick that for Mount Rushmore, but it is a really good scene. What about the 2V-1 at the end of the raid? Did you guys ever watch the raid? Yeah, I watched it this week. Yeah. Fuck, bro.

It's so good. I'll be honest. By the end of the movie, I'm like, it feels like my nervous system is so overstimulated by go, go, then I'm a little burnt out. Like, I'm impressed by the choreography big time, and it's a visceral good story. Like, it's intense as hell. But by the end, I'm kind of my intense. I'm not intense anymore.

I'm all out of adrenaline. I'm all out of whatever. And I'm just like kind of, it's all little. It's a 90-minute fight scene. And I'm like, yawn at some point. I like the fight scene in Old Boy with the Hammers when he's fighting, like that whole group of people. Oh, that's it. hammers. That's an, that's an, that's an amazing scene. You told me to watch old boy years ago. And I started

watching the American one. And I was like, this, this can't be what he meant. It was literally so bad. I was like, Kyle wouldn't bully me like this. He wouldn't tell me to have watched this. And so then I found the Korean one or Japanese, whatever it was. That shit was sick. That was awesome. Dude, that twist at the end is, wait, hold on. Look, I'm not going to spoil. Oh, I would, never spoil old boy like like this is one of those where like oh has hutch not seen old boy no everyone tells me to watch i've seen a movie that someone else has okay well i i hope that knowing that there's a twist isn't isn't too much of a spoiler you won't see it coming it's uh it's wild um it is a very intense movie the print do you know the premise like just the basics no

everyone tells me to watch it people give me shit for not have it because i love movies i've just the premise that you learn in the first five minutes is that this man has been held captive by he knows not who in a room by himself for like many, many years. And he doesn't know who has kept him in this room. He never sees them. And so he's just so mad in there. He starts practicing like martial arts against the wall.

He starts punching the wall one day. And he doesn't stop for like 15 years until his knuckles are just calluses. And he's just, it's a little bit bullshit for people who are fans of martial arts. But he trains himself to be a. martial artist while he's in there seemingly. I don't remember that he had a background in that. Maybe he did. Anyway, he sharpens his skills over

like 20 years maybe of hitting the wall. And when he's turned loose, he is not taking any prisoners on his mission to find out who put him in that fucking road. But it wasn't that he was an expert in martial arts that made him capable after he got out. It was his like toughness and mental resolve

more than anything, which are things you can absolutely cultivate while being locked in a hotel room for 15 years. He is focused. Another, I think arguably a Mount Rushmore scene is when the reveal at the beginning of the dark night where he takes his mask off and you see his face for the

first time. Like that whole intro sequence to the dark night is for sure one of the most I call. Bank robbery. Is that, yeah, that's after the bank robbery. He says whatever doesn't kill you makes you stranger and he takes his fucking, I remember I saw that on at midnight, back when midnight shows were a thing. and I firmly believe like the audience that you see movies with can create like a totally

unique awesome experience and everybody in the theater just roared with applause when he pulled that mask off like it was just one of like a top five experience for me you know what else is really good i'll just say one line you'll all get it what's in the box oh yeah oh my god that yeah the seven is such a good movie a pocket watch scene from pulp fiction. The pocket watch story comes out of left field and it hooks you and it gets your full attention. You will put your phone

down if you hear the pocket watch story for the first time because it grabs you. I love that. It was in my ass. It was a knuckle box from Mighty Ducks. Now that was real shit. That was solid.

It goes, we got to do the, or the Flying V. I don't know which one's better. The Flying V. It's like, we're to do an offensive strategy that doesn't make any sense and opens us up to all sorts of recompense if one of them drops the hockey team and like

I feel like they should be contractually obligated to once a game run the flying V no matter how terrible strategy it is. The Anaheim ducks, the fucking Anaheim ducks tried to rebrand to just the normal ducks

and they had the gayest worst jerseys forever. And now occasionally they wear the actual Mighty Ducks logo out on special. I saw that. That's cool. That shit rules. Like the Mighty Ducks are awesome.

You're the right age for it. I am the right age for it. Yeah. That hit me like fucking crack, hit the inner city communities in the 80s. They made that for. You guys remember, rookie of the year? Yes. Incredible movie.

Just unbelievably stupid. premise but it's incredible. That's when he's like a hundred miles an hour. But loving? The kid breaks his arm. And then for some reason, because he broke his arm, and then for some reason, because he broke his arm, he can throw like 105 mile per hour.

Yeah. Fastball or something like that. So no one ever talks about that movie. As like a 12 year old. He can't throw it anymore. His arm gets fixed. And then there's that big Mark McGuire guy sitting at the fucking plate. And so he has to finish the start.

out with his own ability, which I loved. I remember watching. Don't they run like a weird play to like, I forget exactly what that. His mom comes up with the idea to throw the ball really high. His mom comes up with the idea to like underhand it really high. The professional baseball player has no idea how to handle an underhanded throw. No, no, no. That's called an Ephus pitch.

That is a very difficult pitch to throw and a very difficult pitch to hit if you don't know it's coming. That's the only one he threw the game. like he probably if he threw that for a strike he'd probably get him out like for realsies like an ephist pitch is wild i don't think anyone's ever thrown one in the major league baseball game i would be surprised it seems like the pitch that you throw to yourself all the time no because he throws it you throw it in a very high arc a very high so it's so it comes down a lot like throwing it to yourself no but it's trust me i did uh i saw a uh the movie strikes out i saw a graph analysis of how

many pitches in MLB are thrown below like 40 miles an hour or something like that and it was like zero for all the 90s and all the 2000s and then around like 2014 it starts increasing and they clearly figured out that you can deceive the batter because they're so used to these bombs that professionals are throwing that they can call a change you can trick them yeah but these are very very slow. Like this was like under 40 miles. That's a player specific thing. Like they will always throw it as slow as they possibly can. But the trick is keeping your motion

and your arm movement exactly the same. So you'll see these overlay videos of the best pitchers and everything they did, their whole body does the same thing. And then all the pitches go in different directions and do different things. It's complete same like wind up, step

body movement, arm movement, arm angle, everything. But at the moment of release, because there's like five videos being overlaid. His fastball goes here. His curve ball goes here. His sinker does this. Like they're all going in different directions just based on the grip and the speed.

I feel like MLB pitcher. Like baseball is not a physical sport. It's not a collision sport or anything. But you see still shots of those pitchers throwing. Their bodies and arms, arms in particular, are going through a crazy amount of trauma. Every single pitch. Every single one.

I can't believe those guys last as long as they do. They don't pitch a lot. They don't throw a lot of balls. They throw way fewer pitches than they used to. Like complete games used to happen a lot. People used to throw 100 pitches a game, 120 pitches a game. They don't do that anymore. Almost nobody does.

You have a starter that comes in and gets you five, maybe six, and then a relief pitcher for two or three, and then a closer for the last one. Do closers play every day? They usually have like two or three closers. Yeah, they've got like one guy who's like their fucking ace And then a couple of guys who are almost as good I always really like closers

Like Mariano Rivera or John Smoltz used to be a starting pitcher He had Tommy Johns and he came back And he was just as good But he couldn't go full game So they made him a closer So good He was so lights out A guy who usually had to do

You know six or seven innings It's like we only need you for one He's like oh so I don't need to hold anything back anymore I can just fire off so great to watch. Tiger Woods said he's the best golfer that wasn't a professional golfer that wasn't a professional golfer. I love those athletes who are

so elite in their niche that you can know what they're doing, you can know what they're going to do, but you can't stop them. Like, that's sick. And Alex Ovechkin is one of those guys for the Washington Capitals in the NHL. Is it hockey? Yeah, all time leading goal score.

but the thing with Ovechkin is he's 43 years or 41 or something and he's 230 pounds, 6 foot 3, like he's a big dude, never gets injured. And his entire job at this point in his career is to stand at the top of the circle and just wait. Every goalie in the NHL is a fan of OVie. They know what he's going to do. They know how he shoots.

They know exactly everything. But he can just still stand there and fire, off when he gets a one-timer in a way that no one can stop. How old is he down? I think he's 41. He looks 51. He has a gray beard. He's like, he grayed early.

And yeah, that age is. But he also, there's a whole hockey website that was based on like a joke about him, which is Russian machine never break. Like he does not get injured. He doesn't have problems. He has the same meal before every before every game

he is the one player on his team who has a special water bottle full of full sugar Coca-Cola that's what he drinks during the

game is full sugar Coke. Who was the old guy who did that? He was supposed to be funny, played for Boston amongst other teams.

Oh. Always drank Coke. Maybe Brzgalov. If we're talking hockey. Yeah, he was an American or Canadian guy.

He was funny. He's Russia. But that was the one thing that pissed me off about the current Olympics and, you know, otherwise, these international competitions where they're like, oh, Russians can't play. And it's like, yeah, Russians not being able to play doesn't really fucking matter if we're talking basketball. But if you're a hockey fan, like, we need Russia in the mix. We need Ovechkin. We need Kutrov. We need these incredible players because they're so fun to watch.

And they have no control over their country's foreign policy. like let him play let him have fun Taylor it was Phil Castle do you know Phil Castle oh Phil Castle the the Iron Man record holder in the NHL he looks like he's a trash man because I see you bring up a picture if I can find a picture if I could find and this guy is so solidly built that he was destroyed with checks with you know the physicality of the NHL. His entire career never missed a game for like a thousand and nineteen games. This guy, you act like he was built like a linebacker or why reason. This guy doesn't even look like an athlete. This guy looks like we could all beat him up. This guy looks like he would get

winded taking the trash out. The only time I saw him and I was like this guy looks like an athlete is when he was wearing shorts. And I was like, oh, I can see why this guy doesn't get injured. he's got a gigantic ass, huge quads. Zach can't share a picture. He's having internet issues. He wants me to share my screen, but I'm too fucking experience to share my screen. I'm not going to do that shit. Shout out, Phil Kessel, but that's neat.

I love when back to the core point, when athletes are so elite at what they do, you can know what they're going to do, you can see them do it, but you can't stop it. That's probably something that applies to shooters in the NBA. just as much. I just don't know. Isn't Steph Curry the big shooter guy? I don't know much about basketball, but yeah. Yeah. That's my understanding.

He's the best year ever. I didn't. Go ahead. Did you end up getting that? You were thinking about getting a 357 magnum? Yeah. Yeah. I messaged you earlier before I even knew you were on the show tonight because I wanted to know what that

that gun you had was if it was 44. Yeah. I think I'm going to go with the 357 route with my revolver. The Python? Maybe a Python. Those things are fucking pricey. We'll see, though. I do 100% want 357 as the cartridge because then you can kind of plink with 38s, have a little bit of fun there.

It would be way too expensive to like, I can't imagine like plinking with a 44. I'd be like, oh. You load your ammo. That's $2. bro it's like 90 like 100 rounds in california is like 90 bucks so i i you i did a 44 magnum or 44 special no magnum oh yeah well you can shoot special right yeah i mean it's not as fun like i i want to shoot that gun because it's like you know i want to get that 300 grain rounds you know and but it's it's it's tough like yeah i got to wear gloves man it's like it really

is tough on your hands but i see kyle and kyle i wanted to say that i switched to the Weaver stance after you told me. Yeah. And I'm shooting way better with that stance, with that gun in particular. I did buy an M&P 2.0 and I used the Isosceles for that. And that's that one, it definitely helps me with that. But the Weaver stance with that fucking hand cannon actually got me to be much, much more accurate. Yeah.

Shooting is fun. Like, I had no idea how rewarding it is to get those groupings like just a little bit tighter each time. It's unbelievably rewarding. It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Weaver stance is, is that left foot in front of right foot and then pulling back? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's the name of the other stance where you just stand? Isosceles. I sawslees, yeah. I don't like that. That doesn't make any sense to me. I don't either. Weaver makes a lot of sense from like a sports kind of standpoint, like having your weight distributed like that. And being able to put more weight on your front foot depending on how powerful the gun is,

I've shot elephant guns before and like 90% of my, I'm on my tipy toe of my front foot leaning so far into it. Because by the end of the recoil, I'm going to be on the back of my right foot. I'm going to be on my heels by the time I'm done with it. What's the caliber of that? Like what is it? Technically, what they did was they took a 20-gauge shotgun and then they custom cast brass shells for it. And then they put 1,000 grain projectiles inside of that. and they added more and more powder until the shotgun exploded,

and then they took a little powder out, and they bought another shotgun. So the bullet fits in a 20-gauge? Yes, it's a 20-gauge bullet. That's bananas. That's like a military thing. Well, the projectile, like he's talking about 300 grains in that 44 magnum is a gargantuan bullet. 300 grains is huge. This thing was shooting at either a thousand.

or 1,100 grain projectiles. But none of that matters until you talk about the speed it's going at. So it's shooting 1,000 grains, I think, 2,200, 2,300 feet per second. It hurt so much. It bruised me severely. I was like, you're filming it. You're recording, right? Like 100% better be.

I'm not going to shoot this thing much more. How many times did you shoot it? Five times, and I was beaten. Like, I felt like I'd been in a fight. Like, the only thing that kicks harder than that is like a 20 millimeter rifle. That's the same bullet like an F-18 fighter jet shoots, I think. Yeah, I think those attach to like the top of home Vs. No, they don't.

That's too big for a home V. I fucked up when I'd, so I took the anaconda to the range, and I thought I was shooting like the proper 240 grade rounds or whatever. I think those are the standard for 44 Magnum. And I was shooting 44 special. And I didn't realize that. I was like, this is nothing, man. Maybe I'm just a fucking natural.

So the next time I came into the range, the guy's like, do you want to try the big boy rounds? I'm like, fuck yeah, I can handle this. And he gave me like, I think it was above 300 grand. I don't know what it was. But I fire up that first bullet and I almost had to like stop. But when you buy the ammo in California, you have to spend all that ammo. So I was like, fuck, man. And so I ended up shooting like all of it.

And I kind of fucked my hand up. Like I completely underestimated. Wait, they're not much. In Cali, they won't let you bring the rest home? So when you So like you have to get a federal background check in California to buy ammo. It's kind of it's kind of dumb. It's like I don't know what lives they're saving by doing that.

But like you have to get like a special permit, I think, to sell ammunition. And most of the ranges that I've gone to, they don't have that permit. So you don't have to do the background check, but you have to spend all the ammo at the range. And so I spent like, you know, 60 bucks on like 50, 44 Magnum bullets. I didn't want to waste them all, but I ended up, like, scratching my finger. And yeah, that is so fucking cool. What's that? Do they make sure you don't smuggle out the ammo?

Like, what if it would just, you just didn't shoot at all? They would probably know. Like, I don't know. You could try, but. I don't think there's any restrictions on reloading your own ammo in California. You can do that. You can do that. So I would highly recommend that.

It's very, very easy because there's only, like, three components to a round, right? You've got brass primer, powder, and projectile. The presses are about $300. Yeah, that's it. That's the thing, yeah. Well, your ammo is going to be half price, like going forward is the nice thing. And the brass you're going to acquire, you can buy your own brass. You wouldn't even have to go shoot expensive ammo to acquire brass.

That's a component you can purchase. And you'd be half price on your ammo. I looked into it. It just looked intimidating to, like, because I don't want to fuck up a bullet and then have it explode in my hands. Like, that's the only concern I have there. Okay, so that is a concern. I've never had, I've only had one gun explode because of that. After years of doing it, we did have one gun explode in our hands from a hot loaded round.

In your hand or in somebody else's hand? In my dad's hand. Did you load the round, though? Or was someone else? One of us did. We sort of worked as a team. And what could happen is you could sort of double chuck the handle, but the cartridge wouldn't rotate over.

or maybe there was a fowl, there's a carousel of bullets, and every time you pull the handle, a different thing happens to a different shell in that carousel, if you can imagine. So one of them is getting deprimed, then it's getting primed, then it's getting primed, then it's getting packing and shot, then it's getting an initial cramp,

then it's getting a final crimp, then it falls out of the back of the machine. And they're going, each chamber is loaded every time you pull the handle down and you just monitor that. But if there's a little hiccup here and there and something falls out or gets fouled, you could accidentally put a double power,

charge in. And that's kind of a problem, especially in a shot gun. Is that what the problem was? Most likely, yeah, the whole shotgun exploded in his hands. It's pretty cool. Yeah, that's not ideal. But with pistol rounds, I don't think you can blow a 40. If you put double powder in a 44 magnum, you're going to notice, I think, and I still

don't think double powder would blow up a 44 magnum. And what you could do, you could individually weigh the powder for each round, and it really doesn't take that long. Like, it's to just do the powder manually, not even trust the machine if you were scared. But I had a 44 Magnum where I had loaded the bullets down really slow. I was going the opposite way, trying to make them as light as possible. And a round got stuck halfway down the barrel of my Ruger Super Black Hawk or Red Hawk. I don't remember which.

I've got one of each. And so the rounds just stuck in the middle of the barrel, this maybe 110 grain bullet or something. I got something really small for the 44 Magnum. Anyway, I was like, tried to ram it out. That doesn't work. So I just threw a full power round in and gave it hell. You just shot it through. It's one way to do it, I guess.

I didn't want dad to come home and see his, you know, his $1,200 pistol had a round stuck in the barrel. And I would have to tell him because I don't want him to be the one to, like, explode. So I just wrist it all and fired it off through there. Worked fine, blew it right out. Do you guys do dry fire exercises? I don't do any firing exercises. Oh, that's right. No, no, I've never done this.

I used to. Well, you can buy these, like, bullets where. You know, you put it in the barrel and it will shoot just like a red laser and then you just buy like a, you know, digital target or whatever. And I've been doing that a lot and it definitely has helped. But then when you get to the range, it's just a different experience with the gun actually firing a bullet. It's just an inherently stressful thing to do to shoot a gun. And so do you think you flinch? What's that?

Do you think you flinch? So I'm getting better at that. And so like, you know, anticipating the recoil is definitely like what has been throwing my aim off the most. And just the more reps you get in, the better it gets. But the dry fire exercises have helped a lot. But it's just, I'm finding that, you know, when you, in Tech, California, you can only have 10 round magazines. And, like, the first, like, five rounds, I have, like, a really good grouping.

But then, you know, you kind of get that stress kicking in and everything. And then I find, like, the last, like, few rounds. I keep fucking up, like, would otherwise be, like, really perfect grouping. So that's been kind of frustrating. But I did it. I did it. Throw you off considerably. My dad used to load the rifle for me and not tell me if it was.

loaded or not and we would do that over and over with me shooting at a target just like and if if you shoot it without a round in it you see the flinch it's yeah you push forward and you sort of like come off and like after half an hour of him like showing me my own flinch so that I could see what I was doing and erase it from my because every now and the gun goes off because he's putting the bullets in or not putting the bullets in we're playing like Russian roulette with that watermelon down there I think that's common I think with gun instructors that's common they'll do that Well, they'll put like dummy rounds in with live rounds and they'll see if they're flinching. I was going to tell that story.

I was at the range and I forget exactly what it was, but like a lot of my shots were going top left. So I talked to the range master and I'm like, I don't know if my sights are off because when I put it right on, it seems like I'm going, you know, top left a lot. My groupings are okay, but they're all going in the same spot wrong. And I was like, I can fix it by aiming wrong or maybe it's the sights can tell me. So he shot it and he seemed to think it was right and he loads it, but he doesn't tell me that he's putting a dummy round in there.

And I don't know this at the time, but he's doing kind of a flinch test. So I shoot, and by the time I get to the seventh round or something, there's a dummy. There's no flinch at all. That's not my symptom. And he's like, well, that wasn't any. Well, good luck with this. And he leaves that

to the bottom of it. He didn't follow up? You're fucking terrible. Did you figure it out? No, no. Fucking telepathy, I have no idea how you're making that bullet go up there because I can't. That's a good test.

Yeah. What are you going to buy Taylor? Because we were talking the last couple days about guns and we were talking about ARs, semi-ados, and revolvers. So which is it going to be? Well, I feel like the most practical one for me to get is

the AR. I'm the last of my friends and everyone I know to not own an AR. This is like periods for men. Yeah. Like you're going to be one of the boys now. now I will. I've shot many ARs over the years. I've shot a ton of them, but they've always been friends or from a range. And so I'm going to follow your advice, which I thought was incredibly prescient, where you were like, are you going to be shooting stuff at 500 yards? And I was like, no. And then you're like, okay, well, then get something like this and then spend all that money you otherwise would have spent on a really expensive base model on the accessories. Get a brilliant site. Get a great. handle, get a great grip. There's no purpose for you to have something so absurd. And so I'm buying an AR this Saturday. My buddy, who I've mentioned many times on this show, shout out, he's combat

Marine. He's obsessed with guns. His level of knowledge is not quite yours, but but up there. And so we're going to go and grab one. And after that, I really want a revolver. I really, really, really going to get to the revolver. You're getting an AR-15 M-4 or whatever? Yeah, AR-15. What's your thought? Everyone has that. Everyone, I have an FN-2-10. I have an FN-2000.

And for whatever reason, like, I'm not a special shot, but there are a couple of guns. My M&P 9-mill, my Henry 22, Lever Action, and my FN-2,000. I'm a better shot with those three weapons than I am with the other 20-some that I own. And whenever I pull at the FN 2000, it's different than everybody else's scary black gun. I think cool. The scope, I think it looks dope on there.

And I, it's a bullpup. It's waterproof. The shells eject out the front, but only when you fill that tube up, does the door open to release start releasing them? If you only kill four or five guys, you leave no trace behind.

That's true. It's also the worst gun. Bullet casings with their thumbprints on. On Warfare 2? It's the worst gun on MW2. By far. By far. People used to slay with that thing.

In my hands, I can hit with that thing. And it just feels neater than all the other guns. I consider your exact viewpoint. So I think that's going to break the budget, though, because if you go to a, if you go to a quadrail AK, we're starting with like a $950 gun and then building on top of that. If we go to like a foul, like a 308 foul, we're starting with like a, like a $308 foul, we're starting with like a $2,000 gun. If we go to an FN, we're a $2,500 gun.

Even an F2,000 used, I think I bought mine for like $1,200, but I think they're like 1,500, maybe 1,000 these days, I don't know. And I also don't like those. Like, I don't like the trigger, right? I have one, I loved it, but it was like my 73rd gun, you know, not my first. AR just makes the most sense. Like, if it makes the most sense, because, so a cheap AR is $400 to $500. So right out of the bat, you have a working rifle for $400 or $500,

and then you can spend the rest of that $1,000 budget or $1,200 budget, or whatever it is, on the accessories, the thing that actually make the gun do its thing. Like you don't need a custom-forged malignant barrel if you're going to be shooting targets at 100 yards tops. You need a decent 1-6 power scope, a nice muzzle break to take some of the kick out, a comfortable stock, a comfortable, like a couple of grids. and you're good. You've got a nice ass rifle that will do whatever you want. Yeah. Well, not whatever you want. Like I said, you wouldn't take it to war. You wouldn't like go competitively shooting long range with it necessarily.

But it meets all of your requirements. But if I want to plink or if I need to shoot someone a bunch of times because they broke into my house. Like that's what is plane? What is that? What is that? Just going out and plink it like just shooting. Metal targets? Metal targets. two liters, watermelon. Metal targets are tremendous. So metal targets, you get this really satisfying, and they also, they flip over.

You get a visual thing, a visual cue that everybody, and so it's just like a video game. You can kind of keep score. There are these trees of targets where you can race each other to the top target. You have an identical amount of targets

in a pattern, and we race each other to the top target. And obviously, you know, you miss, you go back to your target, you slow down and stuff. Plinking is, is the fun way to shoot. You need like a little place for the bullshit.

When you drive through the southwest, there will be plinking stands on the side of the highway. Like you'll literally pull over, and there's just like 10 cans and metal targets there for folks to pull over and shoot. It's great. You guys know the YouTuber Hickok, the old guy? Oh, love Hickok.

He's got the, he's got the prime. Oh, you've actually met him? Yeah, a few times. Isn't he like 6'10 or something ridiculous? He's very, very tall. him and his son are, I would say 6-7, 6-9, but when somebody's that much taller

than me, I'm not too good at calculating. He's a very tall man. Yeah. He's fun. He's fun to watch on Utah. I've watched like 50 of his videos. He's got a dope setup in his, and whatever he's got there. Exactly. He's got a dream setup.

Yeah, he was a teacher. He retired. I suspect because his YouTube channel did so well, but I don't know that for a fact. I thought it was a cop. Was he a teacher? Yeah, I thought he was... I'm almost positive he was a teacher. I thought he was a police officer and then the YouTube shit took off, but... He's aged so little.

Like, I'll watch a video from him. He was a school teacher. That's like nine years old and it looks just like him now. He uses the weaver. He uses the weaver stance. Sure. I think his teaching background shows up in his videos. It's just natural for him to be like, this is this gun.

It was used in this way. during this time period and this is how we do it now it's just that i can feel his background in his content you know i got a question about him because he'll pick up a lot of every time he picks up the semi and he's like racking the do you say racking the slide is that what you said yeah okay um he'll like just kind of do it habit just like all the time when he's talking is he just doing that out of habit is is there some purpose to that i think he's making good and sure and making every making sure everybody sees that the gun has been cleared and empty. It's also sort of a, it's kind of like when chefs on YouTube, make sure you know they clean that plastic.

They just cut the chicken on. Like, don't give me any shit about this. It's clear and open. I would always do that. The more people are around, the more I would do that. Because I don't want anybody scared of my gun. I want everybody to kind of know. I don't know exactly why he does it, but that's why I would do it.

And if it's just a like micro rack where he's only doing it a little bit, he might be looking for the bullet in the chamber. Oh, that could be a thing too. He'll do it like 20 times. He'll do it like 20 times. Like as he's talking, he just keeps doing it. So I don't know if there was something. He might be building muscle memory for fucking quick reloads for all I know. There's no cell.

But mostly it's just showing everybody. It's, this is a safe gun. Kyle, are you impressed when he'll be like holding a derringer and be like, let's go for the gong? You know, 500 yards away? And then he just hits it twice. Like, is that something you're like, that's impressive?

Or to you, you're like, yeah, I could do that easily. I would have to see exactly what you're talking about. Because, like, I'm a pretty good pistol shot. I can shoot man-sized targets at 100 yards with a pistol. I think this would be like Captain America's shield at 120 meters, something like that. Pretty good shot to me. With a derringer? He was using a tiny little gun, and he's 6, 10, or whatever.

So his hands are gigantic. And so it's just enveloping the whole thing. Yeah, I'd be very impressed with a Derringer shot at 100 yards. Yeah, that'd be a good shot. Yeah. Also, I don't think he edits it. Because if it takes him three tries to hit it, he'll show all three. Yeah.

I can hit it first try with proper editing. Oh, yeah. That's, I mean, you know, what are you going to do? Like, show them every time you miss, you know? I usually didn't miss, but occasionally things wouldn't explode the right way. Like, we didn't get the effect we weren't. Like everything didn't go off right or something tipped over and you'd have to go back and do that. But there wasn't a lot.

Or like somebody else, the infamous time that Scott got blown up was just because we, I had to blow up this target. I didn't, it was a paid thing. And this was the last little bit of the video. And the explosives wouldn't go off with the shotgun I was shooting it with. And so I was like, look, you go over there and you shoot it with a rifle at the same time I shoot it with the shotgun. And so you'll trigger the explosion. It'll blow up and we'll be done. Well, the guy that I went and grabbed to fire the shot had been drinking.

I didn't know that. But, you know, there's a little bit of talking before I blow something up. So I'm looking at the camera like, all right, now we're going to take this Sega 12 gauge. And I'm going to show you how we do a door entry Russian style. And I like go to shoot the door. And when I just aim at the door and he detonates the door. And I'm like, I clearly didn't fire this. this gun, the door clearly just detonated on its own. The door's ruined now. And he felt so bad about it. He's

like, I got a fridge. You could blow up. And I'm like, well, that's not exactly the gag I was doing. But all right, get it down here before the sun goes down. So I get this on YouTube half an hour. And so we blew up the fridge and the fridge exploded and it hit Scott. And he had to go to the emergency room. And I had to pay for it. It was $1,400 of stitches. But the man was. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's what I told him. I was like, if you let me stitch you up, I'll give you $750. Or we can go to the hospital and I'll pay for whatever that costs. And he's like, take me to the fucking hospital.

Yeah, I'm going to go to the hospital. But regardless, I'm taking your advice on the AR stuff. It makes a ton of sense to me. Go ahead. Here's where, here's, so I don't know what your budget is. I don't know what you want to do here, but I would get an AR that's like, like $500 roughly. And then my first thing I'd add on to it

would be the FRT trigger. Like before even a good optic, I'd get that FRT trigger. That looks so fun, dude. It's a legal machine gun. Basically the way it works is you pull the trigger back and it resets the trigger for you, but you never stopped pulling it back.

So it immediately fires again and becomes seemingly fully automatic, although every round is requiring one trigger pull, the trigger is just doing some of the work for you by resetting it. That's wild. And so they go they are full auto, they are sick.

That seems so fun. Can you turn it off? I don't know, but I would imagine on high end models there'd be a, well see, like if you want to go semi-auto, you just, you could it won't do anything unless you put it down. I don't want to accidentally shoot two, right? Like, you can see that happening.

But I would imagine that on like more expensive models, because I saw some of them are like 200 bucks and I saw some over like 500 bucks just for the triggers. They're so close to full auto when I learned about them I was like, does this ruin the full auto market?

If listeners don't know, something like 1985, you could sell full, okay, up until 1986 you could sell these full auto guns. Those are grandfathered in and they're really expensive now because they have special less restrictive laws around them, these old

grandfathers. They can be a pre-86 made machine gun to be transferred from individual to individual with nothing more than the transference of a tax stamp. No licensing required. It is a legal machine gun. For that reason, these guns where the semi-autom model might cost like $800 or something, they can go for $25,000 or $40,000. Like, there's, Kyle says more than that $70,000. I don't know. And this trigger that he's talking about is so essentially full auto that I'm like, do people still want to pay $70,000, $50,000? grand for an actual full auto when for 500 you get that

too? Yeah. They're very good. They're very cool. I would definitely put that on there and then I'd probably go to an optic or something after that. You gave me a time. I saved every single thing you linked me yesterday and the name before just so I can go back. That's such a sign of respect.

I would be honored if you were like, look, what are you speaking? I got to take notes. I did. I saved every single thing. Kyle sent. It's just like people will look at Kyle's old videos and be like, oh, he was being bombastic, he was being entertaining,

he was doing a character, this and that. Easy to forget, Kyle has an encyclopedic knowledge of firearms accessories. I don't know about that. I'm plugged into the hobby. I used to be plugged into the hobby pretty well. So I know brands price points.

And it's a lot, you know, I play Tarkov too. So like assembling your gun is, it was very much like if you were were new at Tarkov and you were like level 25 or 30 and you're like Kyle build me a budget AR all right I got you like it's it's the same parts that Romeo's that Romeo site that's used plenty of all the time in in tarcove that's all they have favorite early red dots oh everything yeah that's why so many gun guys like Tarkov you can build the gun you have at home in the game like down to all the scopes and red dots there are so so many attachments there are dozens of

grips have you tried a marathon yet Woody's super into it. He's already a... Are you? Yeah, I have... Look, I have 164 hours in that game. What level are you? I'm at 90.

I'm like level 30. I only play solo, so... Wait, that's two levels. I'm confused. Oh, 90 hours level 30. I see, I see. Yeah, yeah. I only play solo. So, like, that's how I enjoy those kind of games.

But I love, love marathon. It's a lot of fun. Super rewarding. I like it, too. I like it a lot. It's really rewarding. I worry the auto aim is really good. Sometimes I see clips on Reddit

with people on a controller, and they're just lasers on the nose. Is that how I lost gunfights? Is it cross platform? Can the console people select the PC people? It is, yeah. You can... Yeah, and console people can turn off

so they don't have to face PC, but the inverse is not true. I can't turn off the auto-amers. Well, you can use a controller with a PC too. You don't have to just... I mean, it'll give you a... My dick's like really big. I use mouse and keyboard too because I just think there's, you're doing so many things in that game.

Same with like Arc Raiders. I was playing, I went back to controller for like two years and then Arc Raiders came out and there's just like so many things to do. So I felt like I was at a disadvantage and so I started playing. I want to play Marathon. I heard it. It looks really good. It is awesome. Like everybody was really, it looks like they really improved it.

Did anybody like play the early version? I know they had like a really early beta and everybody was like shitting on. Did you play the early version? No, so he's talking about the version from like April last year or something, the alpha. And they did this play test. I wasn't even aware of the game at the time. It looked like trash originally. People hated it.

They didn't like the way it played and somehow Bungy like turn this into something. And everyone who plays it loves it. It's got a lot of hate from people who have it. I was like super surprised that how much they improved it, it looked like. It takes a bit. It really does. Like, Arc Raiders is pretty. intuitive like you can kind of pick up the gist of that game in like four or five hours and then it's just

and then it's just a matter of learning what to save and what to discard like how to loot you know but you can learn the systems really quick with marathon you have to put like i would say like 10 to 15 hours and then once it really starts clicking it just becomes so addicting like you just wake up and you just want to play i think the problem with marathon is going to be that it's it's going to be seen as a failure they didn't sell nearly enough copies for as big of the releases it is. Ark Raiders sold 14 million copies. You know how many copies Marathon Soul?

1.2 or something? 1.2. Kyle, I think you're probably right, but I have this delusion. I have three games. One is cyberpunk. The other is, is it No Man Sky? Yeah. And...

It's had different problems. The third one... They sold plenty, but were underwhelming. Your game... Like, these are all games that were kind of... Panned on day one. Cinderella stories. We call them Cinderella stories. Okay. So my hope is that because I think Marathon is a far better game than its sales would imply.

And its steam reviews are really high. I just hope that somehow it gets traction. One thing I think that hold against it, even as a guy who super loves the game like me, who plays it five hours is a weekday. Hold on. It doesn't look that good on a stream. Even I watch streams. And I'm just like, I don't know. I can't put my finger on why it's more fun to watch Counterstrike.

arc raiders, freaking silly golfing games that peanut plays or whatever. But like watching Marathon as a marathon addict doesn't pull me in. And I worry that will hurt its advertising. Streamers are not playing. Are they picking away?

They got paid to play it. And I don't know that many of them have played much without being paid. Trout has. Trout. Trout is obsessed with that game. Shouds obsessed. There's another guy named Aztec Cross,

who was a big destiny streamer. He's new to me, but he's a million subchannel. he's not like small I'm new sure and um but just something about watching it even as an addict i'm like well i see why people aren't it's not getting the views so Sony's committed to it i mean they spent billions to buy bungee so they have to they kind of have to commit to it for a little bit another halo game Kyle's Kyle's right though that that the sales have been underwhelming but i i'm with you Woody i think there's so much potential for another good example is rainbow six siege that was a game that came out oh did you say that

Yeah. Hang on. I don't know if that's a good comparison. And I don't, maybe I'm talking on my ass a little bit, but I think all of those examples sold really well out of the gate. They had great initial sales. The problem was they had glitches or they weren't exactly what they had advertised or things just weren't working out. And then the developer went back to work and finished the product. I know that for sure with like cyber funk.

I remember watching somebody stream it like on day one. And it was like, they're in an elevator. And then they just fell through the floor and everything. Dude, I have a video of like all the glitches I had on day one with that game. It was awful. But they fixed it. And now like, like, Scum, for example, he's like, it's so much fun just to run through the city with my like hyper knife fucking shit up.

They did more. They did more than just fix the bugs. Most of those bugs were on console and specifically the previous gen. Like, I bought Cyberpunk on PC day one. And I didn't really have any bugs. I had a great experience. But, but like a few years into that game's life cycle, they came out with the expansion, then a 2.5 update.

and they radically changed the systems in that game and like really vastly improved it. No Man Sky is like very similar. I mean, they improved the visuals. They improved the systems. Like that is a very, very fun game, but it was super rough. But the point is like most games, you get this spike of like the player base in the beginning. And then most games are kind of dead after like 90 days. And so for games to go up after like a year, two years, three years, that's super rare.

Like that almost never happens. Tarkov started as like a grassroots thing almost and like built its momentum over the course of many years of like, and it required loyal streamers who were passionate about the game and a developing team that was interconnected and willing to like reach out and and like tap that audience. Like it seemed like it was streaming was seems seems really important to the developers at Tarkov. Like they have their streamer item integrations and all sorts of things like that. They do all sorts of streaming events. And that game sort of, it always got better. Every six months, that game, that game got better for like eight years or something like that. Like maybe you take a little step back.

Audio was always buggy. But for the most part, like the game got closer to what they wanted. The wife's always delivered like one third of what they promised. I remember that being a big thing. I think they called it Battle State Time or something like that. Sure. Six months takes years. How many games are hopeful for a marathon, which is definitely going to happen?

This, I'm sure. If Marathon does get shut down, I'll have gotten my $40 out of it. Oh, yeah. Like if you want to buy this game and try it, and I'm like a salesman for them at this point, like my game, but give it two days and I think you'll like it. And even if it never gets super popular, you'll have gotten your value. I didn't know it was only $40. That's a horse of a different color, honestly.

They're going to stick with it for at least a year is what I read. Because, I mean, that's already a big. It's not like Concord, you know, like they were always going to stick with it. The sales are like not great, but they're also not horrible. And there is a room to expand that player base. But they need to figure out a way to hook people faster. I'm not saying make the game more casual because I don't think it should be that. But they need to hook people within like five hours.

And I don't think they're doing a good enough job with that right now. Let's talk about the economics of it though, all right? So $40 game, right? Is there any like in-game transactions, micro-transactions? There's cosmetics you can buy. They're going to have a battle pass, but it's not it's not flushed out yet. Okay, the reason I ask, they sold 1.2 million copies at $40 per copy. That's pretty easy math.

They've got like $50 million in sales. The game costs $250 million to develop and another $150 million to market. Yeah. Yeah. They're in the hole. That's a lot of... I don't understand how it costs so much. to make a fucking video game.

It took them five years. It's like when you look at it, it is a lot, but a studio with like a thousand people working for five years could spend $50 billion a year. I get that. I don't,

like, I'm not particularly tied to Bungi's success. Bungi can lose tons of money. And you know who wins? Me. I've already enjoyed this game for 160 hours for 40 bucks. Like you can't make me,

they can turn it off today. I've got it. But they won't turn them off. that quick. If you buy this game and give it a day. It has an onboarding problem. That's what I call what Hutch caught layout. On day one of the server slam, I wanted to like the game and I hated it.

By day two, I was addicted. I spent 37 hours over the course of three days in that game. Similar. Similar. That's a banana's amount of time over three days. Well, there was a reward if you got to level 30 and I was like determined to do that. And was it worth

it? No. it puts you in my stash that I'm like, I hate this, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell. And then the game came out, same thing. I'm like, oh, I know I didn't like it on day one, but I'm not a day one player anymore. I'm nearly 40 hours. And hated it on day one.

You just spawn in and your character has no stamina. He doesn't jump high enough. He doesn't run long enough. It's kind of like the beginning of Tarkoff, to be honest, where you're this soul. soldier and you can't go 30 minutes without two snack breaks and a drink. It just came from Tarcault when you first start. Well, this guy can't run more than a, you know, 30 meters without stopping and resting.

And he's a robot. But give it five hours and you'll start to get your arms around the game and addicted to it. I think Taylor, like if you get into guns a little bit, that can be the gateway drug to Tarkov. because there's PVE Tarkov where just you and I would go in and fight bots and the bots are lethal but it's very gun-centric like when you it really is like making a real gun

when you build your guns and stuff it's very fun it's addictive as hell and I would love to play Tarkov and have a reason to play Tarkov I mean I'm loving looking more into guns now and dreading the fact that I'm getting into it because this seems like the most expensive hobby I can imagine other than like if I suddenly got into cars.

So the problem is like as long as you don't make any wrong turns and buy the wrong thing or waste some money on stuff is like my dad bought a gun the other day and I'm like, why didn't you ask my opinion? I was like, this would be like if you're fucking like, if I was like Kyle Petty, the race car driver and you went and bought a race, joined a race team or something without me. Like, what are you doing? You know, I just want something to shoot. Fuck you, dude.

I was so mad. Why wouldn't you fucking ask? I mean, we know Hutch has his incredible hand cannon that Anaconda is sick as fuck. Vito, I know you're in Cali as well. Are you a gun guy? Do you have any? I got a little pea shooter, but I'm not really a big gun guy now. What do you have?

You know? Oh. Uh, no. I don't, I don't touch the thing. Okay. How are you going to protect all of those DVDs? I know.

Well, maybe I need to upgrade to something. Grab something, dude. I also bought an MMP 2.0 compact. I don't know what that is. I think it's Smith and Wesson's competition with the Glock.

Is what it was supposed to be. It's the 2O part. I think I have the older one. A Smith and Wesson? Yeah, yeah. It's nice. It's smooth. Smooth experience. Are you shooting? I mean, brother, it's got to feel like a walk in the park after you're shooting full load. It's much less stressful.

Yeah. What caliber is it? Nine millimeter. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have a full-sized M&P9, and it's even easier to shoot because it's heavier. You wouldn't want to carry it, I don't think. you're a cop. But it's my favorite pistol. Can you conceal carrying? Is it a bitch to conceal carry in California or no? It isn't necessarily

but where I live in the Los Angeles area it is because I think there's only one sheriff that you can go through in the entire county and so I think the process takes like 18 months to even get started. But if you live in a less populated area of California, I think you can get one pretty reasonably fast. It just depends on where you're at. I thought about doing it, but I don't know, like an 18-month weight.

And that's a big gun to carry what he's right. Yeah, a full-size. No, I did the compact guy. The fucking revolver. You get one of those shoulder straps like a like in taxi driver. Don't cops carry full-size guns oftentimes? Yeah, but they're not, they're not concealed carrying. They got it right on the hip.

Right, right. I think I said unless you're a cop or something. Oh, yeah. I was surprised to learn at some time recently that the vast majority of states are just open carry. You can just walk around. I grew up in California my whole life. It's just a kind of a foreign concept to me. But I looked it up on stream and it's like 35 states or something where you just wasn't always that way.

There's been some advances gun rights wise over the last few years. In the courts, you mean? Yeah. Do you guys ever see people open carry? Like out and about? I never see people open carry. But Missouri is a state where if you're over 21, you can conceal carry without a permit, which it was awesome because one week after I finished my concealed carry class in 2015 in Missouri, they said, anyone can do it. So I don't know about, I think it's a federal thing. So if you've got that concealed carry permit, that counts as your background check when you make firearm purchases.

So you don't have to wait for that, like, whatever time that might take. just fill out your form and take your gun. I also look at it. I lost that thing years ago. My parents live in kind of like a Trump country area of Nevada. That's where I'm at right now. And there's definitely people to walk around open carrying, like just very casually with, you know,

magazines and a pistol right there on their hip. I see it every once in a blue moon. And it's always some guy who can pull it off. I worry if I open carried, they'd be like, look at this guy cosplay as someone who can open carry. But I don't know, these grizzled old guys. It's just vibe that they couldn't give less of a hoot what you think of them. We don't have a black polo and tuckering some khakis and everybody will think you're a cop.

You got the haircut. Woody, I know exactly. You'll have to start respecting your authority. I know exactly what you're saying, Woody, because I'll see, like, I have to go to like a bass pro or something and they'll have a handgun on their side. But it'll be some grizzled guy with a white beard. And I'll be like, damn, that guy knows what's up. But then in my mind's eye, I picture myself doing that. And I'm like, everyone's going to think I'm a fag.

Like, they're going to think I'm still lame. The old cowboy in Yellowstone, you know, the one that like mentors all the others, but it's kind of a fuck up himself but lives in the house. Like that guy can open carry and no one really like, yeah, special rules for him. But me, I feel like there's no reason to open carry. There's no reason to do it anyway. If anything, I've seen videos of people just getting their pistol taken off their hip, you know, while they're from someone behind.

You make you off a target with open carry. Like, the conceal is the part of it. Like, you should be concealed. That's what the gun community says. Like, if a bad guy went into the quickie mart at the gas station, he'd take you out first because you're open carrying. I guess. I see the logic, I guess. Yeah, I kind of want to.

Most guys rob in a, I don't know, do they scope the store out? Usually when I see those videos, the guy with the gun just kind of pops around the corner and he's super nervous. Those criminals are dumb. They're not like planners. Yeah. Just having the power to do it here, though, I kind of want to just like once. I mean, I'm just kind of curious, you know. You're just slays.

You're 44 magnum and a god. I bought a holster for that and I bought a chest holster for the, uh, for the M&P. Just, just if I ever needed, if the zombie apocalypse ever happens. Yeah. Dude, I think I told you that too. Like, get a holster. you just keeping it in a gym bag. You know what you're going to loose in a gym bag?

What are you grabbing when you pull it out of a gym bag semi-blind? The barrel, the trigger, the grip, I don't know. Like, put it in a holster. I'm not one. It's a big old holster. Taylor and I were kind of having this exact conversation about carrying the other day because if he gets the pistol, he'll, you know, it's a carry pistol. So you're going to need to carry it somehow.

We're talking about the different holsters and stuff. And I was like, you know, if you don't care about cool factor, the tactical fanny pack is the way to go. They make these little tactical fanny packs that you can stick your hand right into really quickly and get your gun and your gun is strapped in there and you can even get ones to hold extra mags. But you're care of, it's a fanny pack.

It is a fanny pack. And in red states or as red as Missouri, where I live, like if I see someone with a fanny pack, I assume they have a gun. I'm serious. I don't think the- I look at fanny packs like, cauliflower ears. I know what you're about.

It's like you won't 100% have a gun in there. There's no other reason to have a fanny pack. You've got a gun. To me, it's almost like open carrying. It looks like you carry juice boxes, but I know what's really in there. What is bad about having easy access to the immediate front of your, you know, why you want the stuff on your back? You can't get out of your back. You're right. You're right. But, you know, when I do rock the fanny pack and the rollerblades,

People look at me funny. They have, they have, they have a new kind of, they have a new kind of fanning pack. They have a new kind of fanny pack that you put around your shoulder and it goes across your chest. Soldiers strap is pretty bad. Look at that's badass because that looks like a sword. Yeah. I mean, if I see that in Missouri, I'm like, that guy has a gun and he kind of likes hiking. Like that.

Exactly what I think. Well, actually, I actually have to like, you got to. Sorry, guys. I actually have to take off guys. But it's good talking to you. Always. Great chatting, Hutch. Thanks for coming.

Hey, cheers. We didn't get a chance to talk, but it was good to meet you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll catch up some time. All right. Let's play marathon. I got to get marathon. Let's do it, man.

All right. Cheers, guys. Take it easy. Get in the, dude, Hutch. Teeing up marathon talk was like teeing up hockey talk for me. I'm like, oh, my God. It was like, teeing up hockey talk for me where I'm like, oh, my God, they care, kind of. Did you ever play?

Were you a destiny guy, Woody and all? I wasn't. Destiny players are taking to Marathon like a fish to water. Really? That's interesting. Dude, what's funny is I got Destiny because everybody was playing Destiny. And then for some reason, my girlfriend at the time was like, I want to try. And I'm like, yeah, but you're a girl. You're not going to play video games. I remember like having a teacher how to use like the two sticks on the Xbox. I'm like, all right, that one controls where you look and that one controls how you move.

She's like, this is crazy. You guys are crazy. And I spent 10 years playing fucking Destiny. I'm like, oh my God. Like she actually really, I stopped playing it. She's got game now by it. Yeah, dude, she got so into it. And she was like making all these friends. I'm like, good.

I'm going to bother with you now. Go play fucking Destiny. She like carry her squad. I mean, you play the same game for 10 years. You get good at it. She was, she was all right. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

I honestly, dude, I just let her and her friends play Destiny. And I just, because I got sick of it. I'm like, once I'm, I liked the, the, the PVP because it just felt like Halo. I was like, ah, this is nice and flow. I run around a corner and punch a guy. But I think it was when I had to do that same stupid quest with my buddies, when they finally had like that main boss thing where there's like one guy and he's spawning 800 guys and all these different phases.

And if you fuck up any one of them, you have to do the whole thing over. I'm like, well, this is annoying and not fun. And I'm done. My son's played the same two games for the last like 15 years or whatever. It's like one's Minecraft. the other is fall guy which I know isn't 15 years old but are they still playing Minecraft

like he always don't mean that's autistic he doesn't need variety he likes discipline schedules and he crafts and he's so good but every so often like he'll be like that guy shot me

and he's like crashing out I'm like yeah that's valid I'm not gonna parent that I always felt like Minecraft I remember playing it when I like was like the first couple years I'm like this is great I can't wait to see where it goes

and how they evolved the experience. And they're like, oh, we're not doing that. It's just Legos. And I'm like, oh, no, there should be like quests and villagers you can actually talk to. I'm not current on it. But like, oh, there's like much more pre-built structures and kind of quests and things you need to find. Like, there's almost a path you can follow in some of the Minecrafts. I'm really low info on it.

I don't mention the faction servers. I feel like that alone. Oh, the modded stuff was, yeah. It seems like the mods are a world. I always thought it should be like Animal Crossing. Did you ever play Animal Crossing? No, again, it's a huge dick, yeah. But I was like, dude, I want to go around the world and find weird.

Well, Animal Crossing is all about you have a village full of idiot little like monster people you talk to and they go, yeah, you know, I got to pay my rent or whatever. And it's like kind of fun to collect them. And if you get one, you kind of hate, you can kick them out. And then a new one shows up and he goes, hey, I'm Tommy the Moose. I like to party. You want to see what's in my house? You're like, I do want to see what's in your house time of the moose.

And they all have their own house with their own shit in it. And I was like, I was like, man, I want to go around Minecraft, like finding cool guys to live in my clearly empty Minecraft cast. Let me spend all this time building and there's fucking nothing in it. I'm like, I should be able to get like weird guys to live in there and fuck around and have lives. The PGA Hangout Boys were playing Minecraft. Right. Who got thrown out for making ugly houses? I must have missed that.

Although so. It might have been Cancrrisher or dirty. I forget, but someone like sucked at Minecraft and everyone else is crafting these beautiful little cottages. This guy's house is made of like

mismatched dirt and cobble. And they're like, you're lowering the real estate value of the rest of our universe here. And they booted it from the server for being so bad. The Homeowners Association kicks you out of Minecraft. You're really fucking up. I thought it was funny.

You kind of want the Homeowners Association simulator. I kind of like that. Everyone's got to build a really nice house. It's like, hey, man, we got rules in this village. You can't put a fire pit right next to a sidewalk. Come on here. I had a server and people built the nicest, like almost thematically like similar villages and homes and they all matched. And then like, it's like, dude, that's dope. That's dope. That's to. Oh, oh. Oh, so Hitler lives in this one. okay you go inside just all fucking pixel swastikas and like that necessarily what was the most users you ever had on it once uh probably six thousand or something like not a huge hour but pretty

seems like a huge number dude that's a huge number for a mingraft server that's a fucking insane yeah i had one of the biggest micraft servers in the world yeah uh it was it was really good i worked really hard at that time. But would, I like to tell people this because you would never like brag on yourself like this. I don't even know if it is a brag. This is some Japanese shit.

Woody built a bunk bed above his home desk. So he could climb into this little bunk bed that was right, I mean literally right above his desk and get power naps. And then if they needed him in the server, they could ping him and he climbed his sleepy ass down. And he'd get right back to, like he's inches from the keyboard.

With the status of every computer and server and if it turned red I would just see you'd have to jump out of your bed and roll out of my bed to the keyboard three and a half feet away and get to work I yeah I mean it's a business at that point I assume oh it was not a hobby yes yeah this was a business that I were a lot of diamond swords he's still riding a high on diamond swords you know when we shut down the micro server we have it works since but I I I wasn't work like 60 hours and three days back then like it was I worked really hard. Jesus Christ. I'm glad all it's crazy. Man, it's so funny that that Minecraft movie came out and everyone's like, well,

it's kind of dog shit, but who cares? It's funny. Like even I was watching. I'm like, man, this is the stupidest movie and I kind of am okay with this. I heard it was a little better than expected. Right. I didn't see it. So gleefully stupid. There's like a part where Jack Black is like, we got to jump off this cliff. And they're like flying. I forget if they have like, like, wings or something. He's like, you gotta tuck, you gotta tuck. And then what's his name? The big guy fucking, uh, it's that big actor who played

The Rock? Aquaman. Jason Moa. Yeah, Jason Mamoa. He's like, you gotta tuck in. And Jason Moa's like, put in his face and Jack Black's crotch. He's like, oh, gross. I'm like, man, I'm back in the 90s. He's just a stupid goofball fucking comedy, man. And that chicken song, I wanted to hate it and I don't. Jack Black's singing a

about his chicken chicken jockey or something everyone threw popcorn for some reason why do people throw popcorn at that dude uh so it just became this viral because the movie again is so stupid where yeah the chicken jockey comes down jack black just goes chicken jacky like doesn't explain it to jason mo or anything it's literally just like an in joke for the fans to scream i know that i know the chicken jacky so that became the kids they wait for jack black to yell chicken joggy and then they announced what I thought was going to save movie theaters in America. Okay. They announced that they were going to do based on the viral success of everyone's screaming

at the Minecraft movie. They're like, we're doing the Minecraft movie Block Party edition where we're re-releasing in the theaters and you are allowed to just go fucking nuts. Like it is encouraged. Throw shit, scream, bring props,

whatever else. And I'm like, dude, if they did this for like Star Wars or like any, fuck like I would go to the you're allowed to be a complete jackass and scream at the movie movie because that's some of my favorite movie

experiences are going to see a shitty movie and there's just one guy in the back yelling at the screen you're like that's way better than it was before I don't know what happened to that the industries are both tanking and like dude the movie industry is totally fucked like beyond

belief nobody's seeing movies in video games what happened is the video game industry was absolutely killing it during COVID and the the studios started hiring thinking that this was just their new reality and then COVID ended and video games went back to where they were and now they're all bloated and losing money and I well here's my theory on on this is I think we as a society right now we're at there's two problems one of which is we're at peak content like they're literally a bajillion movies there are a bigillion video games and

And the other problem is that there used to be like advances in the technology. So it used to be, oh, I'm not going to watch a fucking black and white movie. We got color movies now. I'm not going to watch a silent movie. We got talking movies now. But now you can go back watching a movie from 30 years ago. It still feels fresh. I'm playing video games.

Dude, I'm playing Dark Souls 3 now. I looked up, I think Dark Souls 3 is like 12 years old. And I'm like, I don't know, man. It feels like a modern game. I don't feel like I need to get the new console. I don't feel like I need to run out and spend $60 on a new video game. We're just an endless glut of like infinite movies, infinite TV shows. That's why they're pushing the Metaverse so hard, I think.

As I think they said, we have nothing to sell you people. Like, when's the last time you bought a new TV? It's been a few years. Like, what's the last time you looked at your TV and you said, ah, this TV is so old and junky, I need to upgrade to the new thing? So I think all of those things have stagnated. Like we're at the peak because like 8K is not necessary. Like maybe they're going to be 5K, but like most living room and most viewing situations with the size of TVs now, you can barely tell the difference between 1080 and 4K, depending on how far you're sitting.

4K is obviously the way to go. But I don't think you're going to see, you're going to notice the fidelity upgrade by spending four times as much for an 8K TV. So no one's going to buy them. The only tech that I want that my TV I don't think has is OLED. I think you need those like shutters that close so you get complete blackness. Because right now you have like lights illuminating like a black screen or something. It just turns off the light. And so light from the other pixels bleeds in through the black.

And your blacks are gray is what you end up with. But once you have 4K OLED, you're done. There's, I don't know what the improvement is. They've run out of stuff to sell us is what they're running. into is like there's no new tech to sell us. Look at it. It used to be you would have a different device for everything you did. Now you're like, I have a rectangle.

The rectangle's a phone. It plays movies. It does whatever else. And now they're kicking themselves. They're going, fuck, everybody buys one rectangle and then they're done. And it's the same thing with like, yeah, maybe I'll go see a new movie. But I also have access to infinite content. I mean, dude, I have a backlog of video games going back 20 years that I haven't made time for.

Like, I'm not, whenever they come out and they go, hey, video games are going to be $90 now. Like, what are you insane? She'd be going the other way. She'd be like, oh, my God, 10 bucks, please. I have a new thing. I respect where you're coming from. And I think you're in the majority. Right now, everyone's excited about indie games.

Oh, these indie games, they're better than the AAA studios. Bro, I like AAA games too sometimes. I like a huge game, one that takes hundreds, if not a thousand hours to really fully explore. I like games that are polished and complicated and take a while to know what's happening. If you tell me 11 hardworking people build a really great game, I'm like, I hope you love it. I get it. But I've played lots of games built by 11 people before, and they seem silly and surface level to me. Man, if you ever dip your toe into Rust, you're going to be hooked.

Rust is heroin. Rust is Tar Cobb's ugly sister. I'm telling you, those games hit the same fucking. dopamine release and the same, they give you the same terror. When you step outside your base with like your raid kit that you've been acquiring over the course of three or four days of hard work, like this is it. These explosives are what we work three days to acquire. We're going to blow that up and try to earn profit because we think there's,

it's going to cost less to get in than there is value within that. You're gambling even if there's no interference. But as soon as people hear those rockets that. boom you can hear it map wide and i mean like 15 minute walks across the map wide like you can hear a 15 minute walk away the rats are coming the rats are coming so you've got to like know how to raid you got to know where the splash damage is going to go what uh how many how many explosives and there are different types of explosives to use to get the most value out of each wall so you won't just shoot like four rockets at something if three rockets and one satchel charge

will do because sulfur is so hard to acquire over it. It took you three days to mind this and now you're shooting it as fast as you can. Oh, the adrenaline. Like you don't want to let your buddies down. Like, like you really, your biggest fear is letting the team down because everybody needs to be clicking on this thing. We would have a pre-raid talk that would be like, like it would like before a basketball game talking like, all right, does everyone eat your pumpkins? Everyone drink your water.

This is the beginning of the Leroy Jenkins video. We'd be slapping that sign right before we got for game seven. It's exactly like that. And you'll have one guy like reconning with a helicopter over there. Coast is clear. And then we all take off. We all get in our boat and like we're like SEAL Team 6. It fucking like coming in from the sea.

While our buddies is like are doing recon in a helicopter, it's it's really fun. It's the most intense thing. It's fun. You know this. Games with a little consequence. Matter. I called my teammate a thieving cunt today. Did you say anything offensive?

I was in fill mode, which means I was playing with randoms. And I kick it off friendly like I always do. Hey, guys, got any bikes out there? One of the guys had a mic. Okay, cool. He sounds like the marble mouth guy from Fat Albert. Every time I ask him a question, I'm like, can say it again? Nice. Loud and clear

for me. And he just lazily mumbling whatever he says. Him and he is running a free kit, which already makes him a lower life form than me. And him and the no mic freaker are on my team and they fucking

suck. The other team kills two of them. I killed two, but like it was fucked. Long story short, I duck out. Wait a minute. Come back. I kill the third. I res both of them. This fucker's looting everything. bro you worthless fuck

is there is a friendly fire what an no oh that's a mistake on marathon I'd like a good with friendly fire on our readers what I do is I'm not a useful member of my team my friends are much better than me but if I go down I always assume the person who killed me is streaming and so I'm the hard R king

I'm firing those out like they're going out of style because I'm like, this is going to destroy, they'll get banned from whatever streaming service they are. And so I'm trying to get them banned as. That was incredibly petty and offensive of you. I was telling my story. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Never mind.

It's okay. I just don't know where we got, like, what would get you to go to the movie theater at this point? Like, even when, like, I don't know. There's nothing that gets me, like, zazzed up to go see a movie. Yeah. I might go watch Maybe the Dr. Doom? Yeah, that's what I said Doom's Day, but I meant like, what is it called?

I'm not 100% sure. It is called Dews Day, I think Avengers Dooms Day? Is it? I thought, I don't know. I bet Vios, right? Whatever the new Avengers movie is. Sounds right. I might have to go watch that because I really, I don't want to be spoiled.

And there's going to be so many twists and so many cameos. Dooms Day. I don't want to know they're coming. I just hate that, like, man, I remember trying to be, like, excited. for the next wave of marble stuff. I remember going in Ant Man, Quantum Man. I'm like, Ant Man, Paul Rudd. This is going to be fun and funny.

And then I came out of it. I'm like, what are we doing, man? What's going on? Or like, even Dr. Strange. I'm like, who'd they get to direct that one? The fucking Sam Ramey. I was like, oh, Dr. Strange, I can't wait. It's a multiverse of madness.

It's going to be fucking insane. And then a little Mexican girl with a trans flag pin told Dr. Strange about her gay moms and I'm like what the fuck is going on? There's one Avengers movie I think was good enough since end game. It is the new Spider-Man one where they had all three Spider-Man. It's like weird that Sony's nailing it. Marvel prop. I like that a lot. You're making that up. In Dr. Strange, there was not a little girl with a trans flag that scolded him. You're making that up. That can't know. That's exactly what happened. What are you talking about? America Chavez shows up. You go.

goes, Dr. Strange, the multiverse, blah. And then she goes, they go through the multiverse. And in the multiverse, they find a little thing where you can watch your memories, because that's just a thing that's on the street. You stand on a little circle and watch your memories come to life. And she watches her two gay moms get sucked into a whirl. And she's like, that's why I do it. I got to find my gay mom.

This affirms my decision to not watch any of those. Dude, it's so bad. And she definitely has a trans flag pen on like her backpacker or a jacket or something. You know, she's got to tell Dr. Strange, he's a washed up old man who doesn't get it. I don't even remember this scene. You don't remember her two gay moms getting stuck to a wormhole? It was the funniest thing I ever saw my life. I laughed my ass off.

And for no reason in the middle of the movie, her and Dr. Strange are walking around. She goes, hey, I'm going to stand on this memory portal. Oh, that's that time. My gay moms got sucked into a black hole. And I'm like, what the what is that? That's your character backstory? You're going to do it this way? That's how you explain it?

Is the plot of that film? there's like infinite universes and she's going to go into another universe and take that scarlet witch's kid so she has a kid again yeah scarlet witch has gone nuts because her kids got taken from her in wand division and also they weren't real they were an imagined memory children but she goes but there are universes where my memory children are real children and i'm going to steal them as a spooky witch because i want she takes them away from their loving family to well yeah yeah i think she like is going to kill the other where she sees her

folly when she sees that the children are afraid of her and that she's like hurting her. She's got spooky. But isn't there a universe where the children don't have a mom and she can just plug that hole?

There's a universe where I'm not fat. Like who gives a find the universe where the Scarlet Witch just got hit by a car one day and she's like, I'll just pop in there. Exactly. Come back.

Be new mom. I mean, the kids would be like, Wait, didn't we bury you? And she go, ah, you know, which shit doesn't, don't matter. Yeah, yeah, China. Fooled you. I mean, this is a weird thing about Marvel is. I'm like, I kind of, I know they did that Agatha show and then one of her kids is in it, a Wiccan.

So, you know, one of the Scarlet Witch kids is running around. I'm like, I don't know. I guess maybe that's interesting. But I don't know. That was the other thing. They started doing all these fucking TV shows. And I tried to get into those and they all suck. Captain Falcon gave me a fucking lecture at the end of, uh,

Did you remember that? Oh, Falcon Punch? Dude, yeah. The Falcon, well, the Falcon who becomes Captain America. At the end, at the end of his TV show, there's like a big terrorist thing. The terrorists just set off a bomb. There's people like bleeding and shit. And then he like takes a moment to give a, let's speaking of rousing speeches.

Yeah. He goes, well, you know, here's the thing about America or whatever. I'm like, this is not the time. There's still people bleeding. The fucking ambulance just have to get through. That's what he said. People are dying because he has to have his soliloquy. It was the worst time for arousing speech.

Yeah, he's Captain America, just so we're clear, like that the black man with the wings is Captain America. He has been for a while now. In his movie, he fought a Red Hulk that's played by Indiana Jones, and the Red Hulk swung like an entire, like, Trump-sized flagpole at Captain America, who has no powers, mind you. none. Captain America has no powers?

He has no power. He's just a guy. I think, actually, I think he does have like an extra ligament in his like, uh, ankles.

Uh, what do you think of the Greek? He's in a fast twitch, you understand. He's got those fast switch. That's all he's got going for him. Plus he does have like a suit on, but not like a captain of America's suit.

He doesn't have a superhero club. He doesn't have, he doesn't, what he does have is he has a suit but not like an Ironman suit where it's like a flying like F-22 slash tank that does everything. It goes to

space if you want or it shoots blows up tanks or it just flies you at the speed of fucking light apparently. His suit is like actual wings that stick out and lets him fly reasonably fast. He can catch him to a helicopter. So he's getting passed up by like

southwest. I think he would. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Not for one of those cross countries for sure. They should have him in the club. He's more like a super military guy. You know, he's literally some sort of war hero and you take his courage and 1% strength and dexterity and put him in a super suit and you got a low-tier superhero.

I thought the original Captain America was a World War II guy who got turned into a superhero. And now the new one is a black guy with no powers? Yes. The new one is a black guy who met Captain America. He's like a military guy. The real problem is when he was Falcon, he had guns. If you watch the Captain America movies, there's a part where he's got like, I think he's got like two Uzi's or something.

He's like just shooting at the bad guys. 1911, I think. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And you're like, all right, yeah, the black guy's got some guns. This is cool. He's killing people. The second he becomes Captain America, he's all about that fucking shield.

and he's like, yeah, the shield. I can whip the shield around. It's like a big frisbee. And I'm like, okay, but you're fighting like army guys with a shield and you have no powers. That's retarded. You have wings. The movie would have worked if he was just flying over the battlefield with guns raining down hell like an angel of death. But instead the movie, because he doesn't have superpowers, every bad guy he fights in the movie is like, he's like, oh my God, a bunch of guys are coming down a hallway at me with stunned batons.

and I go, why would they not just have fucking rifles, man? Like, why would they not just shoot you in the head? And he's got to have a badass, you know, hand-and-h fights. He's a guy that, like, I could knock out on the subway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And there's a new falcon, and he's a little Mexican kid who follows lying. America is, like, better than any Navy seal we have. He's closer to Batman than, like, some guy you could knock out on the subway.

Yeah, but you're supposed to. He's, like, extremely tacit. There should be powers for these guys. Am I wrong? Well, I agree with that, but it's also not what we just said, right? Like, he gets beat up by podcasters. I got to hang on. I had to pull up his resume.

I had to remember because I didn't remember. Sam Wilson. He's a former Air Force pararescue airman and a veteran counselor. How does that protect him from me being a miscreant on a subway? How does that protect him from a Hulk? He's also played to Anthony Mackey. Yeah. And why?

I just don't get that. Why would they transfer the Captain America label to a guy with no powers? Well, no, Captain America made him Captain America. Remember, Captain America got old. And then you're like, ah, he's going to give the shield to Bucky, who also has superpowers. And he goes, actually, I'm giving it to the black gentleman. And you know, now that doesn't make sense. Give it a huge mistake.

Give it to the guy with superpowers. Are you crazy? Give it to the winter soldier. He's got some superpowers. That's really embarrassing. So this guy's just going to be a burden to all of their future escapades as a team. I would kill him off at the beginning of the next movie. I'd have Dr. Doom like fucking like, like just grab him real quick and snap his neck.

What can Dr. Doom do? I don't remember. I don't know too much about Dr. You're going to kill off Black Widow at the start too? She's worse. She's already fucking dead. She's already dead. That movie that she had was a prequel.

But she's pretty hot. She's pretty dead. If you want, if you want, talk to Vee. He can hook you up with some quality Black Widow content. You never seen her, like, have a whole Yoda stuffed inside of her. You know, what was funny is when that dude

who was, the archer, got run over in his own yard by by his slownown. And then he was complaining because they were like, it snuck up on him. Yeah.

He was like, they wouldn't give me a lot of money to make a Hawkeye two TV show. And I'm like, because nobody's watching a fucking hot guy show, man. Like, I would take the fucking money. I'd be like, yeah. Also.

Like another hot guy. A lot of those characters still look pretty good. But Jeremy Renner, by end game, that dude looks 60-something. Like he needs a little plastic surgery. His face is all wrinkly. He's double-chinned. Was that after he'd been injured? Before.

Before, during, and after. Yeah. Okay. Because he did get fucked up. He's not even good with a bow. Not even good with the bow. Yeah. The bow shit infuriated me in end game.

the movie I did watch where it was like, get this guy the fuck out of here. Get him out of here. He's shooting a bow and arrow. And meanwhile, there's a guy who's like, I have a semi-control of time itself. And he was flying. Interesting.

I'm a Norse guard. Look at my hammer. It was forged in the heart of a star. La la la la la, la. He's like, yeah, but I'm pretty nifty with this bow. Get that hell out of here. Is it a physical bow as we have an Asgard? No, it's one of the classic

Prognard. He should be killed. Black Widow should be killed. All the ones without superpower should be killed. Tell me if you agree with this. I thought the Marvel Universe did a pretty good job of making the low-tier superheroes an important part of the team. I was going to say, like, that's the interesting thing

is like figuring out, okay, what is everybody else going to do? You know? And you're like, oh, Black Widow can do some spy shit or whatever. And I don't know, Hawkeye can. cause a distraction. You're like, they do what they do all right. Yeah, I get it. They used Iron Man to put him on top of a building and then he like called out

the location of all the bad guys. The lion. He's like, relief from the sky. Who is the king? Like in the Marvel group, who's the king? Who's the grand who's got the most? Is it a difficult question?

Does it have to be Hulk? Is it for him for sure? It's a difficult. question. It's a difficult question. You're asking by the king, is that the leadership person or the best fighter? The guy that if he decided, he could be like, I'm in

charge now. Amongst the people you don't feel all the time, it's the girl, probably Captain Marvel. But there are like cosmic entities. I was going to say Thor has a good mix of power and not being a complete more, well, I guess they have made them kind of

there are fourth wall breaking. Yeah, the writers or something. like there's the power above all or something. They're like, I think God is a character. Like, like, you know, like, well, you're not going to top that guy. You can, though, because the writer of the comic is writing God. Yeah, I think the, like, the most powerful person is called the creator or the writer or something like that.

And they literally determine, like, the plots of the shows. Well, I mean, that's, that's a different story. I just met within their kind of. No, this is within the universe. We don't know the expanded. There's so many comments. that there are a lot of characters that aren't featured in any of the movies. Right now, the maker is causing a lot of trouble in the ultimate universe.

I know that. The maker. Is that his name, the maker? Is he the tippy top of the tippy top? The maker is, uh, so remember they had the ultimate universe for the comics, which is where they're like, we're going to do all the comics again. And they had ultimate Spider-Man. It was like a separate Spider-Man universe or whatever.

And then they had the ultimate Fantastic Four. It was like, what are the Fantastic Four? It was just a bunch of kooky kids running around, having a lot of, Scooby-Doo adventures. You're like, yeah, that's kind of fun. This is fun. And then a kooky teenage Reed Richards went fucking nuts. And now he's called The Maker and he's just like totally evil and killing fucking

everybody. And I'm like, this is actually pretty good. I kind of like the maker. Or he's just like, yeah, I'm Reed Richards. And I've been like, I haven't been reading the comics. I got like the first issue, but I looked at the most recent one. And he's just like a fucking stretchy demon guy just being like, I rule all. I am the maker.

And I'm like, I got to get. I kind of want to get into this comic shit again. You know, a good hero that they should have on the lineup is a guy like called the caterer. Yeah. And he can imagine any spread of food and it appears. Like he could just a full plate, a full table of fried chicken, a full table of crabbing. If you could be any superhero, would you be the caterer? I think I would be the caterer.

Yeah, that's pretty sick, dude. What would your costume be? it would be me in an apron I would have a chef's hat on or I would have a chef's hat on and it would have big C on it for the caterer and while you guys were fighting

crime and whatnot I'm solving homelessness I'm solving all these things I like it Taylor would love me the most and nothing but an apron with a formerly dented butt feeding the world

and I want to be yes I'm and I am he likes that to be known and I am also naked under the yeah oh

you don't like my what does the apron say uh I mean the caterer I guess like I don't know kiss the cook or something I think it would be

I would have anything no no I'd be a humble hero not like these fucking dickheads my genius is lost on this crowd I think maybe you'd be like a rapy hero though you'd be like a like an anti-hero So like you'd approach women wearing your apron and nothing else.

And you say, check it out. And they'd say, oh, yeah, kiss the cook. That's funny. It's like, it's actually a misprint. And then you'd lift it up to show your cock. But no one can arrest me because also I can fly and I'm strong. And so. Okay.

So you're a Superman who can create feasts. That would be the goal. That's the ultimate superhero. Think about it. You've ever to eat like infinite amounts of food too. I could, well, I mean, that's not really that fantastical, is it? Your stomach would just compress whatever amount of food that you put into it down to like the tiniest little, little like apricot seed. It's a teeny thing.

And you would just pass them like pellets, like a goat. But you'd have the ability, if necessary, to fire them at high high velocities at your enemies. I like that. I bend over and I fire my shits. Yeah. That's pretty funny. They're compressed into very, very much like an african. It's very much like a deer shit, but it's like plutonium.

It's so dense. It's like you can use your middle into lead. Yeah. But everyone would like me more than the other heroes because I'd be, I'd just be flying by and be like, you know, all of queens. So your superhero fantasy is providing food. Yes, but delicious food, not trash food. It would be. I would be manifest.

I could fly across. queens and crab legs for all. I could fly across Manhattan. That's pretty good. Fucking ribs for all. I mean, that was a big part of the Bible, man. Everybody was gave Jesus accolades for that fish stunt. So I mean, you're just kind of expanding on that. I always said I would be that. Yeah. As a kid, I always wanted to be morph from the X-Men, which is kind of cheating because he can be anybody. Who's Morph? Morph is an X-Man who can change himself into anything. He's like a shapeshifter. So if he becomes Cyclops, he can shoot those rays out of his eyes.

Or if he becomes... Oh, he can steal their powers? He gets their powers? But a diminished, like, version of it. And when... He's never as good as the real version of that. But still, it's like... If you're 80%, you're in the mix.

Yeah. Yeah, like Wolverine kicks his morph version of Wolverine's ass, but then he just turns back into morph. He always had, like, PTSD. I think he got kidnapped by the government, like, they fuck with his head or something. So he... And he's like, he was Logan's friend,

like Wolverine's friend. But I always wanted to be him, because I figured, you know, even as a kid, I was like, like we get pretty rapy. What does a, what does night crawler do? He, uh, he teleports, right?

Exactly. But what is his limitation on teleportation? Can he teleport anywhere on earth that he wants? I believe he can. Yeah, he's teleported into like the president's office at one point, right? So he doesn't have a visual cue on where he's teleporting. He can just pop. Yes, but if he can't see where he's going, he doesn't know whether it's necessarily safe or not. there was a that was a crux of one of the movies

they had to teleport in somewhere and it's like I I don't I can't go if I can't see it and just trust me he fucking goes pretty cool but yeah he needs it be better if you could see

where he was going but yeah that seems like a crazy ability yeah but he can really what would you do he's like a freak like you could you could dictate all of

that's what he did yeah I would rob banks with it but you could dictate all of global policy you could be like oh this leader of Thailand. I'm going to teleport right into his office, right into his bedroom, and I'm going to be like, do this. And then he'll have to do it. Like you, you could do what

that work. I think he's threatening violence in this situation. Well, yes. He's going to go to the next room. There's a blue guy with a fucking tail in my bedroom with the first lady. Please kill him right away. No, because I'm, is he strong to? Well, it's not like you can like have him like pass legislation while you hold his throat. I can force him. Because he knows at any point I can pop back into that bedroom with a gun. But now he has guards. Yeah, he'll get mutant guards who can like counteract. I pop in Blammo and then I'm out.

Oh, you're just going to assassinate him. There would be no way to stop me. I think he's going to risk it before he like does something his country doesn't want him to do, right? I was thinking Taylor, along those lines, if you could control time, you'd be the best at everything ever. Best investor ever. I might go to the NHL and just do a scoreless season as a goalie. That feels a lot of work. Just literally get 82 shutouts in a row and then renegotiate my contract before the playoffs.

I feel like time has to be the unbeatable power. Okay, that's a really good skit. There should be a skit where it's just like there's a guy and everybody's pretty sure. he's time traveling. But they're just like, dude, you're definitely time traveling. I'm not time traveling. You guys are crazy.

He's worth, like those 80s futuristic glasses. While they're accusing me of time traveling, I do that thing where I say the same thing they are at the same time. How'd you know what I was going to say that?

You definitely time traveled. You're crazy. Shut up. No one's time traveling. We're not going to win the cup this year, but next year. that. Hey, by the way, go see your doctor because you might want to worry about that lump you got.

I got cancer, you funny. How do you know? You want to. Ah, God damn. Just the ability to create groundhog day like scenarios would be really fun and powerful. Yeah. I think they did the math and maybe Bill Murray was in that day for like 35 years or something like that.

Yeah. I thought the director said he was there for like a hundred. hundred thousand years or something. They're like, no, he was there forever. Year. Point two, out of taking matters into my own hands. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

I'd have gone in. I'd have masturbated too. Good call. No. No. That's not what I'm going to do. It seems like. When you take matters into your own hands.

Like it seemed to be like day three, there's no excuse for her not, him not bringing her home. Like, did. What? I don't know. You may have more game than I ever did. Andy McDowell's pussy was harder to get to than anything

Indiana Jones ever got in his fucking career. It took him 35 years to lock that shit down. He had to learn like eight different instruments. He's fucking it was absurd. The links that he had to go to. She wasn't hot.

She's pretty hot. She's a pretty hot. I'm a... She's a cute. But I mean, that's a day of the woods. How many days are you spending in that reality before you can bring her home. It's not a lot. Well, like, she seemed like she was not into that. Like, even when he had everything down perfect. Like, you saw, she smacked him in the face like a hundred fucking times. Yeah, she's just not prone to one night stance. No. She's like, this is a perfect night. But like, let's not ruin it. You know,

yeah, there's always tomorrow. And he's like, you know what you would do is you would just have to, the first night, be like, what's your, what's your sign? And then you would have to, Have you seen this movie? That's what he should be doing. That wouldn't be that art. It didn't work. The only premise of the movie is that that doesn't work. Unrealistic.

Really? Just by pretending you have the same favorite book, wine and something else he should get. You got to remember at the beginning of the day, she thinks he's an asshole. Like their prior experiences have been that he is like a piece of shit. And she doesn't care for him.

And he has to turn that around to bed her. and like 12, 16 hours or something like that? No, no way. What would you do? Keep in mind, Bill Murray's an ugly ass man too. Like, those lenses and the makeup are very kind to that pockmarked short little bald man. I thought I was the only one that ever noticed that. He's got charisma, but let's be real.

There's no way he's not short. Like, he's just an ugly person. That is a hilarious side thing, is that he has to do it, 35,000. times because he's 5-7 he's 6-2 okay I didn't expect that I thought that in general Hollywood people were much shorter than you thought you know who's not 6-6 my old Jordan like it ben Affleck is tall and then he tells the story when he met Michael Jordan and he's like how tall are you he's like 6-6 he goes like 6-4 maybe and Jordan's like 6-6 he's like dude I'm 6-3 look at look at us he's like Well, that just made what I did all that more impressive,

which is true, but you're not fucking 6-6. You should be downplaying the height. If Jordan is truly 6'4, that makes his accomplishments way, because like 6-4 is a unusual height. We're relying about their heights too. The NBA changed recently where they started telling the truth about their height, like in the last four years. Okay.

Oh, have you seen that? The league baseball added a fucking laser umpire so you can challenge balls and strikes. Yeah. And now all the players, like, dude who said they were 6-1 or 5-9 in baseball. Like, they were lying hardcore. Yeah, I saw a YouTube short. That's not an easy lie. That's a nonsense.

It would just be like, what's your height and wait and trust them. But have you guys seen this, I guess, French Canadian guy who plays for Florida right now in basketball? And he's 7 foot 9. Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, the common player. White guy. Yeah.

He is. I saw a video of him and there was a guy next to him looking up at him like, what the fuck? And the guy that's looking up at him is 6-8. Yep. Like, it's, isn't the problem with those guys, though, that their heart goes out at 30? Like, I think you can't, like, sustain a career because they can't. Like, Great Danes. Yeah.

It's like they can't play too many games because it's like every time they, like, do any amount of like moving around their body's like you're going to die i can't probably love this fast dude yeah i don't know if he'll make it to the nba he's a freshman he's apparently like 18 years old like he's a he's super and he's he's stronger than you'd think a lot of times when you like if you imagine a guy who's seven nine you got the size of their wrist and it just continues all the way to their shoulder this guy kind of looks normally proportioned but seven nine and uh and he's i wouldn't say he looks really athletic. No one's super tall just looks super athletic. Sure.

But there's a bias in the ABA against guys who like get too much over seven foot because they never work out well. It makes sense because like how much can you rely on that guy for reliable? Like who in the NBA is going to sign that guy to an eight, ten year

contract? A guy who's seven foot nine. Like he's going to die six years from now because he's gigantic. I hope he goes to the NBA. I don't think he will. We'll see. I saw him dunk and it was so funny. He didn't even jump. Yeah. He just kind of like placed it in the ring. The other thing is like you see him handle the basketball and it's like,

it seems like they should have a bigger one for him. Like I do one of those mini footballs, you know? It just so easily palms it and holds it. It looks like it looks like how I would. if I had to dribble a softball. Like what his hand purchase over that ball looks like. It's insane. I'm watching clips of him now.

It is pretty funny that he doesn't like, he doesn't dunk. He just kind of like rolls it into the hoop. He doesn't have to. When you're seven foot nine and your arms are five feet long, you just don't you go there should maybe be a height limit in basketball at that point. It's like I'm not even playing the game. I stand by my idea for basketball.

It's someone who doesn't watch any of it. It's a silly sport. Make it a 12-foot hoop. Yeah. Lift it up. Make dunking like a hard thing to do again. I also, one of the big things about sports with me is like there's always this push to make sports like respectable and, you know, it's a professional pastime. And I'm like, nah, let them like, remember they banned?

Didn't they ban do rags basketball players on all that? under a du rex anymore and i'm like there should be one guy on the team called the demon and he has fucking horns and shit like why not it would be way more fun if everybody came out and fucking battle armor and face paint and everybody's fucking around it's like no no you're gonna wear it you get a you get a nice shirt with a number on it that knows he's cool i like this sport you're suggesting an enforcer what it what if they added a few checks per game right not hockey not where you check every time, but what if you got five good checks a game?

That's why everybody likes hockey. It's one sport where you're kind of allowed to fuck around a little bit. And it's like, ah, you're not supposed to fight, but, hockey is this crazy culture where they're like, yeah,

the fights and the lack of face masks, they keep the injuries down, actually. If you gave players face masks, they'd all be playing each other's heads like pinatas. And if you took out fighting, people would all be taking runs at each other. This is how they enforce good behavior.

And I'm like, is that, is that right? I think before every hockey game, they should hand you a roll of fucking nickels and you're allowed to take one swing at a guy. And I'm like, why not? Guys on skates with vengeance, like skating 30 miles an hour and crushing some guy against the boards. Like, you need that self-control and that ability to just do it with fights. The NFL doesn't because it's just not their culture. Like they don't see it as necessary. So it's not a safety issue.

It's a cultural issue. No, in the NHL, it's a safety issue. Is it the culture? Is it the culture that's making it a safety issue? It's a flowing game. And so it's very easy for someone to go, that guy fucked up my teammate. I'm going to skate it 30 miles an hour,

and I'm going to crush him into the boards. The NFL doesn't have that. I see. There's more opportunity for like this. It doesn't have the opportunity. Correct. You can do it in the sidelines. Like, you know, there's a reset after every play.

You know, that's usually when the violence does happen in the NFL. It's just not common because people get fired. That would be sick. That'd be cool. With helmets off, though. Like, you've got to get those helmets off. Obviously, helmets off. The NHL said, you can't take your helmets off to fight.

And so what they did for a bit is those fighters would lean forward. And then they would take each other's helmets off. And then they would fight because you weren't allowed to take your. own off. I like it when you could pull to use the guy's jersey as a like straight jacket. I thought that fighting was kind of neat to see. And it added like like people would maybe take a couple hits. That's an investment. So I can get your jersey over your head. Now I can really deliver the hits. Yeah. What if we let them use the sticks? Keep the helmets on. There'd be a lot of injuries. No fist. No fist. Keep your helmets on. Stick fight. Go.

I'd watch that hockey way more than I would watch your hockey. I'm picturing it. I would like it, but that also... I imagine them circling each other? A lot of people. With their sticks, like a sword. Though, they'd have, they'd have fight, you know, there's different sticks for different things. The fucking goalie stick doesn't look like a forward stick. There's going to be a fighting stick.

They throw him his fighting stick. He's doing like, he's twirling that shit around like John Claude Van Damme. He's got nails in it. We don't are. They use a military training, right? With the pads on either side. Amazon is brought. bringing American gladiators back.

That's a terrible idea. Hear me out here. If they don't bring back terrible, I'm out. If they do American gladiators like an adult hardcore version and not a kiddie version, that would be like fucking, you need like Dana White to do it. If you need an adult hardcore version of Gladiator, Vito's got this AI program that you would want.

Yeah, show them over to me. The Cox are all enormous. The Cox are going to that. Swig around. What did you play growing up? Vito. What sports were you best at? I was on the football team for about a day.

I was on the orange team and soccer. Orange team was pretty good. I was in a fucking sports guy, man. I was hanging out with the AV nerds and fucking making weird public access shit. You didn't play sports at

all in high school? No, no. I did the play. I was in the musical, Taylor. I was just doing play practice, singing songs like a fucking gay. My mind is no one place. Liberal Massachusetts. Our sports team, our top sports team was the fucking ultimate frisbee team.

They did go to nationals. They were the best. I still have a buddy who he goes, I remember he was on the ultimate frisbee team with this kid, Sam Canner, who became like a legit ultimate frisbee pro. And he's like sponsored or whatever. one night I'm like drinking with my my roommate or wherever he goes I was just as good as canner man I could have been yeah and I'm like wait is your one big life regret that you didn't go pro ultimate frisbee he's like I can throw a frisbee over there man yeah I could have been sponsored by fucking dissoni too yeah I could have been sponsored by super disks I'm like okay no one else has adds this fucking internal trauma man I wonder if this is something you got to

figure out. That's great. Marquis Brownlee, the tech reviewer who plays professional ultimate frisbee. I wonder if he still plays.

I don't know who that is. Oh my God. I just looked up Sam Canner. I started typing it in and it auto fills ultimate frisbee. He's still a pro.

I think this name's Marquis Brownlee, like MKBD or something. He is a hard name for me. You got close enough that I knew who you met. Yeah. And I don't know his name either.

Ultimate Frisbee and he's good. Like he earned his spot. I think he was on the U.S. national team recently. but recently he was like three or four years ago he must be I didn't know there was a national team I I used to play a little bit we had a we had a thing in the backyard it's not that fun I just I did the uh the ultimate frisbee kids are

diehards I remember they really wanted to get it in the Olympics they're like wait a minute describe you know what I was thinking of frisbee golf what the fuck is ultimate frisbee ultimate frisbee ultimate frisbee is basically like soccer with frisbee yeah oh yeah I don't think you're allowed like they throw at the frisbee can't run. Yeah, you're not allowed to run after you catch it or something like that. Yeah, you get a couple steps. If I'm on defense

and can I knock it down and that counts as like a stop or something? I actually don't know the knockdown. Interception is probably your goal. Oh, you can't knock it out of the air? You have to like, I'm not sure. I guess that would be intercept it and go the other way. I didn't know this was a sport until 30 seconds

to go. So I definitely don't know. I mean, the biggest problem it is going for it is that the name of the sport is Ultimate Frisbee, which The gayest possible. Call it like disc, disc fight or some shit, you know? Would you watch professional dodgeball? Oh, Dodgeball's so fun.

I watch like TikTok clips of like the fucking Dodgeball leagues and they're pretty interesting. I'd take a peek at professional dodgeball. Have you seen the movie, the Ben Stellar movie? Of course. I mean, yeah. Okay, well, it's a comedy about professional dodgeball players. And the league is very,

I didn't believe you when you said you'd seen it. Dodgeball is one of the movies I've seen. Okay, fair. It's on the list. I think I would watch, I think I would watch professional dodgeball. But it needs, I need some, like, some production value. I need some production value. I need some uniforms.

I need characters. I need, like, Vinny the Sledgehammer Morrison or something. I think they should throw a wrench in. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. So, like, every occasion, they should throw a wrench. No, there would be weighted balls. Like one of the balls out there that was not in there was nothing indicative of it, but that one's weighted. Like he's got the Bazinga ball.

And you'd see some guy over there like tossing it up and catching it. Like yeah, I got it. It would actually be perfect because that is exactly what gym class dodge ball was. Yeah. You saw the excellent balls and you saw the dog shit balls. You saw the balls that were only suitable for blocking. And then you saw the balls that were like, that's a ripper. That's right.

So we did have some squishy foam balls a bit, but those would sell pretty good. But the best ball, my favorite ball was a deflated volleyball. Like you take enough air out of it that you can get like a really good purchase on it. And I could whip that thing so fucking fast. Like, and I was pretty accurate with it. Like I dominated dodge ball. If my boy John Scott was on my team in anything, we took things way too seriously in like in high school gym. because like we were we were both on the same page almost everybody takes you have to take one semester of gym it's required to graduate so everybody is like does there's freshman year or maybe sophomore year i immediately was like this is the thing where you're like physically vulnerable and dressed down i want to be big me so like i remember thinking that as a freshman and so i did i do senior year gym john scott does senior gym too he's six a

or something like that. He's state bull vaulting champion, like 6, 6, 6, 7 or something like that, and athletic, and he could whip it too. We would fuck people up in volleyball. Like, serving that dude up, like, and watching him spike it on some, like, 13, 14-year-old girl who wasn't paying attention.

And we're over there, like, bumping chest, like, as some kids being hauled off the court. Like, it was great. Those are some of my fondest memories, like, dominate. when coach would be you never knew what you were going to do for the last 30 minutes of gym and sometimes it was this fucking walk around the track but every now and it'd be you guys

don't play volleyball or dodge ball and it was like oh dodge ball dodge ball my lobsters too buttery my steak is too juicy my steak is too moist it's like either way kids are going to pay it was such a it was so much fun I would have done that all day every day if I could if I could it was so fun and I was kind of athletic at the time I could I could grab I couldn't grab the rim, but I could definitely jump up and like touch the rim. So I have very fond memories of, uh, we played, we played a very aggressive variant of four square, which we called Fear Square, which, uh, just involved a lot of full body contact once the ball had bounced within your

square. You were kind of full game to either you get it out of that square or you're fucking creamed, buddy. And, uh, man, four square is a good game. Do you remember that? I love that four square. Dude, I was... We played it for like two years straight.

We're just like every gym. We're just like Fear Square, Fear Square. And we just fucking go nuts. What that reminds me of, and I know I've said it on the show before, but me and my friends thought we were good at dodgeball at SkyZone. Like you could play dodgeball at SkyZone, which people who don't know, SkyZone, they have dodgeball arenas that are all trampolines. on the sides and the middle like you're you're your jump injury doing this yes but we were 16

and we would absolutely dominate these come-to-play teams and then my buddy carter was like we should join the tournament and then we joined the tournament and immediately like we were all like 16 years a couple 15 16 a couple of us didn't have our licenses at the time and we went there and all these guys had fucking jerseys they were like they had like ball fondlers like and they were all puns

and they were all adults too and then we just got raped but you get if we went to the draft Dodgers there was the there was one there is one guy I will never

forget I'll remember him with my dying day this Samoan guy huge fat as hell he was the only person i'd ever seen not utilize the fact that we were on trampolines and he stood in the back and they would hand him balls and he would throw these balls harder than i've ever seen anything throwing before and so when he hit you it was like there was no opportunity for that like you know it hits you and then you can grab it on the bounce to try and neutralize it no this guy fired those things so fucking hard

we got molested we were destroyed by the ball fondlers in that game and it wasn't the fact that he had such skill it was the fact that my friend who signed us up for it left in the middle we lost a player he was like

and you played a man down we played a man down how you just leave bro like a man down Because we already paid to be there and we thought this will be fun. You could find a volunteer. There had to be kids there that were just going to play dodgeball that day. We should have, you know, hindsight's 2020. We should have nab someone. But that guy, that guy threw these balls so hard.

It was unreal. They hit you and then they bounced off so fast. There was no chance of a recuperance. There was no chance whatsoever. The closest that we did to that was paintball. But we were actually good at paintball, so it's not a funny story. We were like 17, 18, 19, and like we literally trained for paintball doing wind sprints and stuff. And like, and we were in really, really good shape when we started playing those paintball tournaments.

And we were often playing, we were playing 3V3 speedball. We were often playing against like a police department, like three fat white dudes or something. And like guys, whenever we played against police or military, they had mostly like crates and barrels. stuff, not the inflatable stuff. But most of the, like, whenever you play against somebody who's like military or police, they often try to employ some of the tactics that they've learned.

But that's for real fucking guns. Like yelling stop resisting in the middle of a man. So, we just run up on people. Like, on the break, my favorite strategy was we just run up the perimeter and we don't stop. We full on kamikaze their team. Because what everybody

does, especially like a dumpy 42 year old guy, is he runs forward 10, 15 yards, he's already a little out of breath. So he hunkers down behind the first thing. And it takes him like a good three or four seconds to like then pop back up and get his bearings. By the time he's, he doesn't have time for that. I'm on him. I'm literally six feet away, sprinting past him while I just like and as soon as I'm done with him, I'm shooting his buddies in the back too. We want a whole tournament like that. That's awesome. Game after game after game. It was so fun. We were douchebag.

We really were. I was, I think I was 18, maybe 17 even. We made our own shirts that, mine said I shoot children for fun because I thought it was funny. Yeah. Because I did. I really liked bunkering people, like, which is, again, where you run up on people. Because I liked getting shot. It's a rush to get shot a few times of paintball.

So I got nothing to lose, but at all. If anything, I don't care if you shoot me. I just want to sneak up. on you because most people didn't play that way and they'd never been shot point blank and i really liked like running right up on some dude and just shoot him in the ass it was my favorite thing to do for years we did we played paintball every weekend or every other weekend from the time i was 13 till like i was a man grown i had my own like paintball field like like the place where i shot youtube videos used to be my paintball field like full of like paintball field like crates and barrels and

tanks and shit and we'd have like games there every weekend my dad played with us for years and years until one ill ill fit a day he got shot right in the nipple by somebody and we we shot we turned our guns up way faster than a field would let you like usually 325 or something they shoot a lot straighter that way it's great hurts like hell but he got shot right in the nipple and I remember he like he's like ah I've been shot the kitty they pulls up his shirt and he had this purple welt right in the center of his nipple. And I'm not even joking. Up until that moment, he had played every game of paintball with us that we had ever played for like four years. He retired in that moment and never played again. Were you guys getting cronode and then

going back to your little spot and being like that? And then turning it up. I did do that, but that's not what I'm describing because we were playing at my field. at our farm. So, like, everybody knew that we were shooting 325. Everybody was comfortable with that. I have my own chronograph. They're cheap. And we'd shoot the guns in.

We just wanted them to shoot straight because 285, I think, is what some fields do. And it's just this lazy arc. And we had a big field. So you want to be able to, you know, shoot people in us. Yeah. In my local field, when I played paintball, when I was younger, had the 300 limit, not the 285 or anything. It's pretty good.

it if you had to rent a tipman 98 or whatever it was like that thing was just it was basically shooting just lobbing just lobbing balls at people over 20 yards you know frustrating yeah that's what fucking team martin i got stuck with the first time we went to those paintball events they're like oh try these when i when i started playing they were kind of like two kind of styles and types of guns. There were the Tipmans and then the spiders were the two brands that I was familiar with at all. They were similarly priced. But the Tipman's kind of built like an old

World War II grease gun or something like that. It's all ugly and plastic and black everywhere and it's made to kind of look like a Tommy gun or something. But the spider was like anodized aluminum everywhere with a double trigger and it looked more like a tournament marker. And I was like

give me the purple one. Like you know, I did. I had the purple spider that you could kind of the like you could I started before those were really Well I started before I didn't have one of those I don't know if they were available

But mine was just a You had to pull the trigger every time There wasn't an electronic trigger It was a probably pneumatic or something like that I was triggering something But you could not like fan it with your fingers And shoot 12 balls a second Like you can with a speed ball marker today

I remember spending a lot of time When I was like 10 11 on the family computer looking up paintball guns and just fantasizing about like oh man if I had this I would be good if I had that I would be good you would put shopping carts together I would I would dude from a hundred percent I would put shopping carts together and then it would be an amount of money I didn't have because I was 12 no money no one was going to buy anything I Same thing, 12 years old. I had zero dollars.

And so I'd be like, man, this is so sick. Like, I could impress my friends. I could dominate people. You literally would be good. Like, we did that thing where it was like, I'm making up the numbers, but these are close. Seven YouTubers against 70 fans, right? And we all had the good guns and they all had the tipmins.

I thought we won because we were good. I had never had a bad gun before. I was too blessed with the YouTube thing. And then I tried the other one. and I'm like, the gun is making me so much better. The rounds didn't even go straight. They would curve off.

You could be a perfect person. And it's the freaking Angelina Jolie's gun, curving bullets around walls and shit. And rate of fire is a different thing. Rate of fire, you'd float. You miss if you're perfect. You'd chew one of those guns that you or Kyle were issued.

And it was a fucking frozen rope. Like it was fantastic. and then you'd shoot the ones that me and T-Mart were issued, and it was like having a China Lake, like way back. Wait a little, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle. Hold on, I can't keep shooting. I have to do that.

We want wherever they're going. I'm literally, like, I pop my hopper over and while I'm shooting, and we're pouring more of... That's another thing. Like, our fans would shoot balls. like trying to hit things. I've never experienced what it's like to pay for a paintball. They just come for free.

There's too expensive. Balls is like how many I feel like carrying. So I've got like pods all around me. I'm dumping them half go on the floor. Do I care? Paints free, right? No one pays for paint balls. Yes, they do.

Nope. It's a very different experience when you're shooting free paint balls out of an electronic gun. then a free gun. It's rough. You may have bought that gun or maybe we issued that gun. No, you arranged it for me. I think, well, the situation was, I think that like,

I think we told Die that like these guys, it's in your best interest for Woody's Gamer Tag to have a die damn at his house. If he ever pulls it out, you'll sell another gun. And they're like, yes, Woody's Gamer Tag gets a die damn. And it was like, I don't remember how many we had. We had like five maybe. It was a limited supply. What we had done is like taking my payment and like just made it so we could do a big trip is what it actually happened.

But I was so happy to do it. I would that first trip I did was just me and like 350 fucking fans. And I was in character for two full 12 hour days in Chicago's winter. Yes, my friend. I am not thirsty. I was not in shape for like a physical thing like that. and my thighs and quads were burning so bad on the second day that it was like, it was, every step was excruciating. And I was like, but all these kids paid like 150 or two.

And then they had to get here. This one kid drove up from like Texas or something like that. Like it was, it was. So I wanted some backup. Yeah. Dude, I, I appreciate you doing that. I don't think I've ever played paintball where I didn't come. come home with a decent facial injury.

You did have bad luck with that. Oh, my God. Yeah, that one. You got up in the face. It cost me. The forehead one? Like, I have a little span of time that I don't remember. And I, it just, it hurt.

I had a headache. It was rough. And I looked disgusting. I felt impolite to board a plane. Like, I should not be around other people. He was drawing. He was drawing eyes, sometimes gasps and questioned faces everywhere. And I remember, like, I saw it happen to you.

I had it on camera. And as early, I think like maybe six, eight months ago or something like that, whenever I moved into this place, I went through all my old thumb drives and heart. And unless it's on a PC that's in my basement, I just got a like SATA cable or whatever it's called so I can pull that hard drive and see what's going on in there. I can't find the footage But I have the footage of you Of that kid shooting you point blank in the side of the fucking Yeah

What happened is point blank There was like a little barn type structure With the door on the side I came out the door I charged at people Got some shots off I don't know maybe hits who knows And then I ran back to where I was coming from

But someone had backfilled my spot And he went to shoot Hit me from like 18 inches away Which isn't normally what happens in paintball right in the face and it hit really hard. It's so rare to get shot that close in the head. It's a combination of follies that combine to make that injury happen. I don't think I've ever been shot in the head or the skull that close as you did.

I've been shot everywhere. I've been shot, but we had really, we had really low profile equipment, like expensive stuff from dye. So you kind of look like a praying mantis, but they don't add any extra protection. And so the idea is that a paintball might like skim along you without breaking if you're in a tournament or something. But when you're playing recreational ball or just silly ball, you'd rather just be armored up all the way. So if it breaks on your ear, it breaks on your ear.

But you didn't have enough protection like above like this line. You guys were wearing those dye face masks that stopped like half an inch above the eyebrow. Yeah. there was nothing. Yes. And my chin went below it a little bit, which managed to get hit on a different trip. It was so bad. My face is just too big for it. Yeah. Yeah. His chin was sticking out the bottom and his forehead was sticking out the top. And so he was like when you got shot. Just to be fair, he had been shot many times in the eyes, nose, mouth. But he noticed what dude, I don't know which one was worse. The one on your chin or the one on your head. But I

I think there were different trips. They were different trips. The forehead one was worse because it was so close. They were both bleeding. Like some sort of like, not like a cut open, but just your skin's been hit so hard that now blood oozes out of it.

The paintball shatters and it's like an egg shell and all those brittle pieces make tiny little cuts, lots of them in that whole circle. Yeah, you're not supposed to get shot that close that hard in the skull. I got a ton. Don't do that again. In the middle of that second day, you were like, we have to shoot an FPS Russia video.

I need you, Taylor, to stand there and get shot by me. And I was like, all right, well, it feels like I owe these guys a lot for even being here. So I'll go to and then Kyle's like, I'm going to shoot Merka Dirk in the hand. And then he shot me with this. First strike round. First strike razor thing. thin plastic in the hand. And I was bleeding for like three hours.

You're pretty far away to. I was impressed with that shot. I didn't. That was a good shot. You got me pretty good. I didn't feel bad at all. You shouldn't have. Still don't.

Even after that, I was like, I hope it still hurts a little. Even after that, I was like, all right, at least I'm still in the mix. I think they like me. I think I'm cool. I like you. I liked you as when you ran,

as soon as you ran out on that ice ring. in Boston. I was like, this guy's game. This guy's game. He's got those for deeps. He's not the clown. I see what's up.

Okay. I bet he was shopping cart if I asked him too. Kyle was like cronoing his gun or something. This whole world is new to me. And I'm like, how bad does it hurt to get hit by a paintball gun? He's never been shot before. He's like,

I can shoot you right now if you want. And I'm like, in my mind, I guess I'm a bitch if I don't want to get shot. No. I certainly didn't. It was like a coin flip between my ears, right? I wish I'd like presented it like in a way where I was like, you know.

So I don't know what I did like twisted my leg and flexed a calf or something. Like, well, let's see. And Kyle, without any hesitation, is like, boom, bleeding. I'm bleeding from my leg. Again, I'm shot from like 18 inches. That doesn't have it. all that much. But I've got this calf that's dripping blood out of it and like, well,

as bad as it gets. Am I misremembering or did I immediately shoot myself to be like, yeah, see, it's not so bad but then mine didn't bleed. You had pants on. I never wore pants. You didn't have pants. No, I was in shorts.

I just got in hair. Panged in my cats. What are he in shorts? Guy. He's always in chores. I don't do that well in heat. I'm worse than average. And so I wear shorts as much as I can. We also, I'll hook me up with this really dope portal, the video game based like paintball.

I'm going to call it a shirt, but you might like almost jersey, but it's a padded jersey. And it's perfect for paintball, but it's warm. It's warm in a Chicago July. And I don't, I just wilt if I wear it all the time. I remember that jersey. That thing's cool. Yeah. They would all, that company would make sick custom jerseys for us every time.

I've got like two or three of them. they're just like really intricate, well done. Like, and like you said, they're padded almost, not like a motorcycle shirt, but like, I don't know. They're padding in the right place. Also, it's not a guarantee, but it ups the odds a little bit of the paintball not breaking. Oh, yeah. And in the paintball world, if it doesn't break, it doesn't hit. Yeah, bounces.

Well, see, I don't know. That's no regret. They wear those beanies, even when it's hot as fuck. I always wear the beanie to protect my forehead. That makes sense. it's more likely to bounce. Well, whereas I have no regret for or mercy for shooting Taylor in the hand or whatever, but now I really feel bad, but I feel like I should have,

because I feel like I should have presented it in a way that didn't make it seem like turning it down was in any way emasculating because I was, I remember the moment pretty well. I definitely remember like us being under that shelter and all. We were in like the far end of it. And I remember all that and present. the idea, but to me it was like, let's do a Band-Aid type thing and just get it

over with, you know? Like, it'd be nice to know, because to me it doesn't hurt it off. I mean, he would have been a bitch if he said no, though. I mean, right? That is also true. That was the implication. You don't want to be a bitch. You don't want to be a bitch.

I guess. Maybe, maybe not. I wish I had presented it that way now. But, you know, it usually doesn't make people bleed. I didn't mind you shooting. You were using old paintballs that you wouldn't shoot people. Harden up, bro. range and they hardened up

and then we thought of that afterwards. Oh, that could have been. Yeah. I closed my plastic's been curing on the outside. That's yeah, yeah. It was orange instead of green like they used at the event. Oh. I was mostly thankful that when Kyle was doing his

first strike round exhibition for the sponsor, that he chose to shoot me in the hand. Because the next guy in the lineup, because we were all standing in a lineup, like covering our genitals. And he was like, I'm going to shoot dealer in the hand. And then he shot me in the hand.

And my hand was bleeding a lot. And then the next guy over, he's like, shot him right in the neck. Just just pop the next guy right in the neck. And he was like, oh, whoa. It was an effective average. His equipment, just everything. And I was like, all the shots. And they hit everyone.

I don't, I couldn't do that. the regular paintball game. Very happy with the sales. I'm thrilled. They wanted to make me Captain Paintball. But yeah, those things really are very, very accurate.

I think I was shooting them out of maybe a die damn or something like that, a magazine fed gun. And they're shaped like sabos or slugs from a shotgun. If you ever really taking a good look at those, they have the rifling built into them because they're going down a smooth bore weapon. Well, these do that same

thing. And then they're shaped like a bullet, you know, with those they say fins, but it's really just the conical shape of a bullet It's just a little bit like a shuttlecock, right? Yeah, but the parts to slow it down, I guess. And they, you know, they spin going through the air.

And they're quite accurate. You know, out to 50 yards maybe. Way more accurate than a paintball. And they shoot straight or two. But I remember the gun you were using what looked like a military gun when you were doing that video. And that was not. the gun you were using day to day.

Like you were using one of those little dye, I guess. Yeah, yeah. He had an even higher end version of mine. But it wasn't, the gap between his and the one I had, I think, wasn't significant. The one between Taylor and I made a big difference in how effective you were. But Kyle's is only a little bit better. I wouldn't have been better if I had Kyle's. I remember being behind a bunker with T-Mart.

Both of us had Tipman 98. and it was like, what do we even do, brother? Like, what is our option here? Because I stand up and get shot in the mask instead of the neck. I don't know about you, man, but this hole is comfy. Yeah. Oh, my God. And this scenario game was fun.

The scenario games we did were really fun. You know, they're describing a trip where we did like mixed recreational ball with our fans. You know, we'd be on, like me and Woody would be on team and, and, and, and, Taylor and the other guys would be, you know, mixed in on the teams. And it'd be like, I don't know, 50 versus 50 or something like that, depending on how many people we had going at once. But then we would also do this big scenario games. They had a scenario game called Living Legends there in Joliet, Illinois,

where you would have, I think it was like 800 versus 800. Something like that. And there would be like espionage and battlefield lines. And people would be trying to sneak behind enemy lines and steal briefcases and stuff. We never got involved with any of the intricacies of that. And I was always angry that we weren't part of that. I so wanted to be part of the part of the game where we win. Because they would just tell us on the last day,

yeah, well, the Joliet brothers, they win because they captured three briefcases and a golden egg. And I'm like, we've just been like shooting kids in the woods for two days. I had no idea we were capturing golden eggs. I did cheat. I did cheat a lot for that. Yeah. I would get hit and I would just wipe it. They were like, if you get shot, you have to walk half a mile back and half a mile back here.

And it was like fascinating. No, thank you. I did. I was on the dominant team. So if you're on the bad team, and I'm not dominant because of me, but anyway, if you're on the bad team, you walk back like a hundred yards and then you respond and you go forward. If you're on the good team and you get shot, it's like a mile away. You are hiking for quite some time. And I never cheated.

I just, I'll see you guys after lunch. You were honorable? Yeah. Oh, no, I cheated. I like,

so many shots. I like, play with us that I would just, what I would do is I would take myself out of the combat. I would just stop shooting for five minutes or 10 minutes or something and just hang out just so I was still like talking to people because I'd like, you know, they paid there to,

they paid to come play with us. So I wanted to give them their value. And also, I didn't want to do all that walking. Just so we're clear. Some of the times I'd walk back with a fan. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I don't know, walking together for the next 20 minutes.

Yeah, those are some of the best interactions for sure. It was just like, like, you go on this way too. Yeah, it went poorly. Yeah. There would be like golf carts to take us like to the front or to the back sometimes because that was like a VIP. And I'd bring the fan with me and that was like a thing I could offer him. Have you ever been a nice, uh, a moment?

Uh, way back in the day. I haven't like, not in like probably 20 years. I wasn't good, you know, I was the fat kid stumbling around going, nah, God damn it, I can't shoot nobody. Yeah, fuck. We'd have been great together. You're the fat kid on the old man. Hoping the golf cart with me.

I could have helped you. I would have taught you the art of cheating. Yeah. They're like, oh, man, you got tagged. And it's like, no. Yeah, well, that was what always bothered me about it is I'm like, I'm pretty sure I shot that guy. And it's like, no, you didn't chew me.

Then shoot them again. All right, fuck this shit. You just shoot them again until they admit they're out. I guess that's the way to do it. But fucking scenario game we did in like July or August or something. And it was aggressively hot. And I remember like on the first day, I started walking toward what I thought was the enemy lines. And it got just so thick in those woods.

And like I'm used to like thick woods down here in Georgia and hunting and walking through places nobody like goes. and there aren't trails and stuff, but it was like, my God, I need a machete. Sometimes I'd have to get on my hands and knees and kind of crawl through some bramble. And it never occurred to me that like, this isn't where I'm supposed to be. By the time I found a clearing, I had come upon the spawn point for the 800 man enemy team. I could see the bus. They have these buses with the sides cut off, so it's all open air. I could see those delivering them, the people getting out.

30 or 40 deep and then walking up and then there's there's like a line you cross now it's hot so i'd wait till a whole bunch of them like we're all bunched up and i'm like fucking charlie in the jungle you're camping the spawn by the way i've got a die damn with like a 275 round drum magazine and i'm carrying 1800 rounds of ammunition on my back and so i just start arcing i just start parking into a crowd of people walking, not even like heads up, just kind of heading it toward the field of play. Do you have a mask on yet?

And then I'll like, they'll all start spraying the woods where the shots came from. So I'll go back into the woods and do a little U-shaped maneuver and I'll pop out in a different spot. I was in there for way longer than I should have been. What eventually got you to give up?

Did you actually get a resistance? Get that one fucking. They came and got me eventually like like 30 or 40 deep. Like they eventually came for me and got me. I had the experience of crawling through the woods for a long time. And I'm like, I don't understand. I can find people and I can crawl through the woods, but I can't do both.

I remember there were a couple guys. that we met that we're all about the crawl and grind mindset. Like a couple of young kids who were like, yeah, I don't really care. I just want to crawl through the woods and shoot someone eventually. I was impressed by the other guys. Oh, I'm sorry. You're still going. Oh, no, no.

Go ahead. Dude, there would be people with like no shirts and double barrel shotguns that shoot paintballs. And I'm like, how are you effective? But the kid, he's like, no, trust me. me, he's the guy you want on your team. There was an archer, a paintball archer? I didn't know that was a thing. There should be a slingshot.

When he draws it back, there's like a rod and a plunger, and then a paintball drops down, and then he releases it, fires that rod and plunger forward and, like, launches the paintball at some speed. He was running around. I don't know how does it break the paintball. Then he'd like run a little

and funk. It was so silly. I think we need to revisit how effective Hawkeye is. Yeah, I was about to say, we were going to talk a shit about hot guy. There was this archer. He was the coolest one. I mean, there's something cool about a bow. There always is. I don't know what it is.

Bows are inherently cool. You can't get away from that. There was almost a fight because they had this issue where the teams were unbalanced and one team was pushing the other team way too far back. And to sort of reset the front lines, they did this bullshit where they let two or three ringers with gigantic mini-gun. mini guns who apparently ignore paintball hits. We were winning too good.

They allow them to inject behind your lines and just randomly attack you. So like people get pissed off and there was almost a fight. I don't remember who it was who almost, it almost came to blows. Because those guys, they look like fitness influences or something. Those guys were jacked and shirtless. They looked like WWE superstars, literally shirtless wearing bollas. And they had mini gun paintball guns. And they weren't tapping out when they got shot.

So it was like, you're assaulting me, Hulk Hogan. Leave me alone. Yeah. They would just bully the winning team to level the playing field a bit. But it doesn't feel fair if you're on the winning team. But it also doesn't matter if you just cheat and wipe it off. Dude, you. He was a referee fair.

Like, this wasn't, this was like the main battlefield. Like, the referees were like, you out of here, you out of here, you out of. You're getting pulled off the field. Man, I don't think I'm generally a pussy day to day, but I felt like paintball's hurt. I remember, I'm like, imagine me. I'm in the woods and like dried leaves staying low, low, face death. I'm getting shot.

And they just keep shooting me and shooting me. And it starts to hurt. I've been hit like 34 times now. And I'm like, ref, I'm hit. I'm hit. Like, tell him to stop. And then he's like, stand up and they'll stop. I'm like, that's the last thing I want to do right now.

I'm like, can't you talk to them or something? Like I'm standing up with my arm in the air and they're just lightened me on fire. Like, why do you hate me so much? I'm going to hit 60 times now. This keeps getting worse. That is the word. Being out, having someone calling you on being out and having people continue to pour rounds into your body is so discouraging in paintball. It sucks.

That's the worst. It happens. It happens. you've got to learn the body language. Most people like cue to that of a hit player. You know, head down, one hand up, your gun hand, like down by your hip. I've used that body language when I'm not hit and just approach the enemy lines. And at the last second, they're like, ha-zah!

And let them all up. They destroy you. They absolutely fucking do. They hate that. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that's part of what turned me away from paintballs. I'm like, a lot of these guys have. have anger issues

that I seem to want to take out by just pumping you full of fucking paint balls in. I've got it in like maybe I play a lot to be fair but in all my play I think I've gotten in about three like screaming matches for and then like

I didn't scream on that one. I threatened some people one time but then there was like three screaming matches. I got no screaming match at Joliette like like I we were just he was like stop shooting me and I'm like you stop shooting me? Like we were just kept shooting

each other. He's like, you kept shooting me. I'm like, you kept shooting me asshole. Do we have a fucking problem? Because I'm important. Look at my badge. You piece of shit. You know who I have. It's they go both out. We're both out. That's what that's the point I

have access to an air-conditioned room. I got so much bottle of water. And then we'll see a guy sitting right outside our room borderline dying. Someone has to go give him water like he's a fucking Kenyan kid. I'm taking full credit for saving that kid's life. Like Vito, here's the situation.

We have a little VIP room so that we don't have to brush shoulders with the plebs. And we're back in, it's again, it's like southern Illinois or southern Chicago in the summer or the late summer early fall. It's baking outside. It is so hot and humid and muggy and just disgusting. And we've got like these double doors, those push doors like you see it, like everywhere, that lead to the outside world, just right outside to the blacktop and the parking lot. And there's, I come back like from playing paintball and I am beat. I'm so red-faced and dehydrated. And I'm just trying to strip all my gear off.

And it's just stuck to me with sweat. And I'm trying to get some water. And I look through those double doors and laying on blacktop, there is a pale autistic boy who looks so. red-faced and dehydrated that I wonder if he's roadkill or what the fuck has happened to him? His paintball gear his hand made

he's made his own like you have these bandoliers for your like pods of paintballs and like we've all got brand new shit because I hooked this up. His are made of duct tape and he's hand made them and they're intricate and well done I was gonna say I like are they like

fucking autistic kid duct tape that's exciting I was somebody get that. And there's people sitting around, by the way. This wasn't an empty room. Like, I don't know. I don't know any names, but they're, why people have been sitting there not coming to this child's aid.

I don't need names, but wipe up no one in particular. It was a touring test from fucking Blade Runner where they're like, you see a turtle upside down in the sun. It's struggling for life and in pain. What do you, but you don't help it. You're not helping the autistic paintballer.

Why not? What do you mean I'm not helping him? Why don't you have? helping him. There's a pale, sickly child baking in the sun on its back. It's in pain. Why aren't you helping, guys? Scoop up some fucking power rate

and get his little ass tucked in there. And of course, he's saying, Frious and he's nursing this little cock sucker back to life. He learned he was like the son of like a friend of a friend or something. It would have been terrible if we'd let him die. He's the kid who came back the next year with all those

cups, all those gifts. His mom like, like, his mom like, did like laser engraving or like like something like that. Etching maybe. Etching or like like mug designs and stuff. He brought us like all the leftover mugs I guess. He was like you guys want some leftover mugs.

And we were like, yeah, I'll take a free fucking mug. Big shout out to that guy. Hope it's going to. And hope you're doing well. I'm glad you saved a life. Oh yeah. Well, I guess it's a.

Time to wrap. Check out Vito. Links in the description. Where can they find you? YouTube.com slash Vito. Always trucking along. And I've been selling magic cards like crazy over on WhatNot. And Whatnot.com.

Yeah, comic books. Go to Whatnot.com slash invite slash Vito. And get $15 off your first Whatnot purchase. Check it out. PKK 797. Lize some shit from Vito. See that black snake? Shout out to Cota.