Painkiller Already - PKA 812 W/ FriendlyJordies: Fire Bombed House Update

Episode Date: July 11, 2026

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PKK 812 with our guest Jordan Taylor. This episode of PCA is brought to you by Audible.com. Also brought to you by lock and load and our wonderful merch. Jordan, nice to meet you. Well, it's nice to meet you as well, Taylor, Woody and Kyle. The whole game. I heard that your house was firebombed or attacked by fire. You didn't say fire bombed.

Does this seem to be familiar to you? Did you not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm just learning this. Okay. Yeah, no, it did. It did. This was probably about a year and, no, two years ago, I'm going to say now. We did a story about, oh, God, I can't believe that this is all, it's all happened so fast. Basically, we did a story about a development company down here that was laundering money. for a gang. And they didn't like that. And they made that very apparent by burning my house down. How successful was the fire bombing?

Did they burn your house down? Yeah, completely. It's like it was total. It was cinders. Oh. The back room wasn't where my pet was. Oh, good. So happy about that.

That was great. I felt like a real 10 year old at that point, you know, like the firemen coming out and being like, your snake's still here. you champ. I was like, thank you, sir. But other than that, like... Okay, there's so much for me to catch up on. All right.

Did these developers or this gang get held accountable for burning your home down? No, no, that did not happen. The reason that that didn't happen is because, like, it's just really... Look, I feel like one of these conspiracies, especially like just meeting you guys, which, by the way, I'm a fan of the podcast, just so you know. Oh, thank you. yes yes it's uh like yeah it's it's a good one to just keep on the side you know but um it's it's it's nice yeah like it's one of those car listens but uh yes that that

i feel like such a conspiracy not saying this but no i believe that i don't want to say all right no just go unless it's going to get your other house firebom no it's not necessarily that it's just like anybody anytime anyone ever says this kind of thing me of just being like, oh, the police are in on it, man. I'm just like, yeah, yeah, sure. Okay. But I sincerely think that. You think the police look the other way because they're perhaps paid off by the developers

and the gangs? No, I don't think it's necessarily that they're paid off by the developers and the gangs, but maybe that could be one of the explanations for it. This is so, Kanye. I'm not saying they're paid off by the developers of the gangs, but they're paid off by the developers of the gangs. It's like, I feel like a nut, you know? The guy taking notes on the situation had a big tattoo that said the kangaroo boys,

which is what I assume a gang name would be down now. Well, you think that's our peaky blinders? Yeah. No, it's a Lebanese game called the Alamedeans. They are, oh my God, I shouldn't have said that. Let's bleep the name. Write that down, Zach. Zach's about three minutes, 20 seconds.

Sorry about that. But yes, they are heavily involved in development down here. There's, you know, obviously the same way that it always works, right? Like they're just trying to launder money that they make through drugs to make it legitimate money. So the other thing that was happening at the time is that they were in a massive turf war with another gang that's down here and they were losing a lot of territory for it. And then we just put a bunch of, this was all unbeknownst to us as well. We just put a massive spotlight on one of their activities, and they were really pissed off about that. We are absolutely aware and know who it was, as in like, man, for anybody that's very interested in this,

you can go and watch like a lot of detailed reports that we've done on this over the past, but they have texts. They have them going back and forward saying, you know, this was us and brag, about it and then you take it to the cops and they just go like oh yeah there's not enough evidence so that's that's where we're out how much evidence do they need that makes me wonder yeah it makes me wonder it makes me wonder as well so that's kind of like an upper echelon thing because it's always look the lower cops that we speak to are always very frustrated by this so it seems to be something that happens higher up and then the biggest joke of all of it was at the end of all of this

the police say, okay, we're going to go look into this development company. And then they come out and they go like, yeah, it's squeaky claim. There is a burned down house to kill me. I see no evidence of wrongdoing. Like, text message with like, I'm going to meet you at so-and-so address. Did you bring the fire? He's like, you know it. Where were you in the house burnt down?

You don't look burnt. Yeah. No, yeah, yeah, no. Plastic surgery is amazing. I uh I was this is incredible I just done a show in Melbourne

if you guys know where that is never heard of it Melbourne that one Melbourne yeah yeah I just finished doing a show there I'd come back

and because I'm an idiot I forgot my house case so I slept in my office that night and that's why I'm not dead really you burnt your house down insurance? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lots of people It was stupid because afterwards I realized like, oh, I don't actually own this house. I rent it. Fuck, this is a go to me. But I gave it a go. He's bad at insurance fraud. The pet that survived really a snake,

you're a snake guy? Yes. Shameedly. You're a snake guy. Is that because dogs don't love you? I'm a snake guy. It's a working theory. I just better think of somebody that like, is that a thing?

No, well, dogs love everyone except you. Except me. Oh, okay, right. I've got a dog as well. You guys are all dog people, not cat people. Yeah, no, no cat people. Certainly no snake people. I'd double up on cats before I got a snake.

Although, actually, cats do make the house smell bad. If you get a snake, you could only make one room, smell weird because reptiles do have that reptile smell on their terrariums. I had a friend who had a snake and he was like oh it doesn't smell like anything. As soon as I walked in I'm like there's a snake in here. Either this room's got something going on or it's a snake.

Oh look at that. It's a snake. But Taylor, are you a dog? Do you just have like extra sensory smell or something? Because I swear to God, I've never had that before. You live with it long enough, you don't smell it. I went to a girlfriend's friend who had cats. And as soon as I walk in, I'm like, oh, there's a cat here, huh? Where's it's a box of piss and shit that you keep around that I smell so strongly? Ammonia is burning my eyes.

And everybody's acting like, there's not a disgusting stink in the house. I've only been to one house ever, a friend who had a cat that I couldn't tell they had a cat. And it's because they spent probably $1,000 on like a Looney Tune style automatic, like, isolation chamber for the poop where like the cat shits. and it doesn't sit in the litter immediately like a cartoon, you know, animaniac's hand comes out, picks it up, and then puts it into a sealed bag that immediately like closes it

and a scented trash bag. It's the only one. But no one else is dropping a grand on that. Yeah. But everybody should be required to do it. Yeah. Cats just aren't affectionate enough. And snakes,

it's like the only reason I'm alive is because you're not free and bigger. Which may apply cats. Snakes aren't that. danger. I mean, it totally eat us. I could beat most snakes. That's what I mean. But if it was a size of a school bus, it's not like, oh, that's the guy who gives me rats. Well, that's true of goldfish. They'd be the biggest predators in the lake if they were the size of school buses. They would let us put little rains and harnesses on them and roo-blu-blop ride them beneath the waves.

A goldfish, that size, would eat you like you were mosquito larvae. No way. There'd be our friends beneath the sea. It's cats. First of all, they're angry that you put them in salt water. I'd build a desalination device for my giant goldfish. We'd be pals. Disney Channel thinking. What kind of snake is it? Children's Python.

You wouldn't know it. Hey, yeah. It's like an Australian thing. It's like a teeny little snake. Is it named that like the same way, like a rat snake? Like a children's python? That's what they go for. That's their feet on?

Great, that makes sense. I always thought it was named that because it sounds like it's like child friendly because it doesn't bite or anything. It's too small. All it does is go around your neck for warmth like you're a heater. But it's actually named after a guy that was called like Earl Children. That, there you go. That's all they can do. It's hein.

Well, that's harmless little critters. That's not bad. Do they have teeth? Oh, yeah. And it doesn't know what they bite. But the point is they can't eat you. Well, I'll agree with that. There's no way that thing could eat me.

No, no, no, it's the goldfish theory. The stock photo of a snake, it's biting a man. That's the most... It's how to go. It's trying. Friendly they could make this snake look. What percentage of the time when you take it out of there are you getting bad? Never now. Never. It's finally figured out that I'm not a mouse.

I think that's most of the reason that they go for it, right? Like after that, when they... Exactly what you guys are saying. when they figure out, oh, this is the guy that gives me mice, which they're stupid, so it takes years, but they get there. And then after that, you know, as good as a cat, I guess. Because I feel like that that's what cats think, too. Cats to me seem a little bit evil, yeah?

They're not really friends with you. Like if the dog was the size of the goldfish, I feel like you'd be fine. The Labrador was that size. All I do is leak you. might accidentally kill you next time. Yeah. Climbing at worst. Clifford was rambunctious, of course.

But he never ate anybody. It's a documentary. Never killed anybody. Yes, yes, yes. Finally, we're bringing facts into the conversation. No, no, there's actually documented history of giant dogs. I remember even as a kid, having the presence of mind, like, reading Clifford in the children section of the library, being like,

every one of these is just a new type of. roofing disaster where they're like put Clifford in the house and it's like oh fuck he did that thing again where he knocks them off over and over and over how long does this snake live because I know some of them live a very long time how big a commitment like a 20 year it was like a 30 year year commitment but you have to understand I'm not actually a snake guy right like I feel like to be a full snake guy you have to be an artist or a stoner and I could be I don't know but like the point is that like I feel the reason that I got it was because there was a stone that looked after it.

And I'm one of those people that when you see one that's just being neglected for a long time. How about I just look after it builds it? You need a seek man. So what do you have to do to care for the stink? Just keep it warm and beat it once a week. I'll tell you what. There's a reason they've been around for 230 million years. They are a vine that sometimes eats mice.

So you can imagine, comets here, floods, everything. It's good you go. I'm pretty impressed with them for that reason. 100% honest. When you found out your house had been burned down and the only thing that was salvaged was this snake that's going to live to be 38, you were part of you was like

I lost twice tonight. Must have been thinking driving over there. Like, at least there's a silver lining here. I don't have to go be a frozen mice purchaser until I'm 61. Do you feed it live mice or frozen mice? No, you feed it frozen. I don't know who feeds them live.

Is that a thing anymore, surely? I bet some of them like it. They like it. Yeah, if they're raised on. I'm way too squeamish for that shit. It's like Jurassic Park. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt.

Oh, the lowering of the cow thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the goat. They had that goat in there. They were lowered the cow in for the Velociraptors. Yeah. Yeah, that's the one. That was a pretty cool scene.

We're overestimated. We could beat Blossoraptors, right? Humans. Not the ones in the movie. No, no, no, no. Well, those things are like seven feet tall. But in real life, they were like... A lot of Ciconsaraptors, because that sounds cooler than Utah Raptors.

But the Utah Raptor was a much bigger dinosaur that we'd have had a hard time contending with, I think, in packs. More like, whoa. Yeah, that main professor in that movie is just prime example of why you can't just surround yourself with yes men. Like you need a guy being like pump the brakes. These are some absurd fences like teenagers could climb these. There's no way that's keeping these dinoes in. Oh, you mean the guy who owned it, John Hammond. John Hammond, yeah.

Yeah. Just because you dress like Colonel Sanders and have a cool cane doesn't mean that they're electrified fences. They would work at no expense. He needed it. better backup system, not a better fence. Yes. Well, he needed to pay Newman better. Newman's running the entire

Jurassic Park on Linux over there by himself. Like that guy should be getting paid well. This is a $100, this is a billion dollar operation presumably. He wasn't missing any meal. Well, you know, he was working hard at his desk. He couldn't get away for fitness time. You know, I can't blame that on Newman.

That scene where the 11-year-old is like, I know this. It's Linux. and then they show this GUI that appears to be the Microsoft pipe screen saver. And I'm like, what do we do it in this movie?

She might know the OS, but she can't operate the software. This doesn't even look like an OS really. You and your Indian co-workers shitting on a movie in 1993. This is unrealistic. It took me out of it. That happened when they uploaded the virus

and Independence Day. to like an operating system and a language and an architecture that was totally alien to America. Can you explain the way though. So here's the explanation for why the virus works in an Independence Day. So if you go back, remember

the way they got to the mother ship to upload the virus was they had a crashed alien like personal spacecraft from Roswell, New Mexico back in the 50s or whatever, right? Yes. That's what Will Smith and Goldblum hopped

in the fly up there in. The idea is that our operating system and our computer technology is based upon theirs. So it's inherently compatible when they go up to upload the virus. Nah. It totally wouldn't be. I'll accept the explanation.

I don't know. I think it's pretty good. It gets past me because I don't know anything about coding. But it's like, oh, our system's based on theirs. That's why it's compatible. I like that explanation. That worked from there. Have you seen that movie as an adult?

Yeah, yeah. It's fucking ridiculous. It's not. Okay. There's a few scenes that are ridiculous. When that golden retriever jumps through the fireball, that's ridiculous. The whole plot line with the stripper, like, why did she even need to be a stripper? It's not like at some point she had to, like, dance and distract some aliens, like put on a little strip tease and like get the aliens distracted so Will Smith could shoot him in the back.

That didn't happen. It was just, yeah, she's a stripper. That's her character. It made no sense. And, you know, there was a little unprofessional in the beginning when the Air Force pilot is saying, You did not shoot that green shit at me. you know that that was a little out there too i guess one of those writers was trying to get fired for severance and that's how that jewish character got written and he's like how did this slip past the goalie

i actually liked that character at first because i really liked the idea that his son is some sort of like telecommunications like higher up like he's the guy that the telecommunication calls to debug their systems like hey something's we've got a problem here there's a there's 10 million people in trouble right now. The company's in trouble. Fix this David. And his dad's like, my David's a cable man. He installs cable.

Now, I like that movie. The sequel blew though. Never seen it. That's what I'm wondering. So you've seen it, Carl? I've seen enough of it and I've seen videos about it. Like, I've seen a couple hours worth of video shitting on it to know that like

I don't know people see that. I can. Yeah, that's no good. You know when Will Smith says no to coming back to your project, it's probably not going to work out too well. Yeah, because he's done some stinkers. Yeah, he's made nothing but stinkers for like a, I don't know, 15 years or something. Other than that bad boys movie, I like that bad boys movie.

That was a fun shoot him up. I also didn't like the end of I Am Legend, where he's like, oh, these things that have been trying to consume me alive, maybe I'm the bad guy. And it's like, what, because it got. sad while he was trying to kill you. Ridiculous. They were the bad guys. They're like vampire demons. I mean, kind of. Yeah. There's two,

there's two different endings to that movie. There's an alternate ending. I like that movie, though. I like that premise. It's been made like two or three times, and it's based on a book, too. The old Charlton Heston version is Omega Man. That one's pretty sick. And then there's an even older one that's not that great. But I liked Will Smith in that movie. Any movie with a dog like that. gets me because I'm I don't know I connect with the dog and I'm like oh I'm hoping nothing happens to the dog and then something inevitably happens to the dog and I'm all bummed out I rarely find product placement to be like disturbing and too over the top for me but I am legend oh my god dude I get it

Ford sponsored this movie but for him to like tail slide around the corners and a shiny new Mustang and that's how Omega Man was in Omega Man like the same thing movie from the 7th I think, maybe the 60s even. And Charlton Heston, it begins. And Charlton Heston's like, you don't know it's the apocalypse yet. Like, you don't, you just see like cool guy, Charlton Heston riding in a convertible Mustang or something, maybe a Camaro. I don't remember which.

And he's just like, yeah, enjoying life. And then he flips the thing sideways and like pulls out of Oozie and just murders a bunch of zombie men. And then he's like, hey, they're the day of paradise. And you're like, oh, okay, it's that kind of movie. I was okay with that. Cars don't bother me at all as long as it's not like, remember. When Walking Dead was sponsored by like

Hyundai, I think or Kia or something silly. Something silly and they had this like this greenish colored crossover that they would feature in almost every like whenever somebody needs, Rick needs to go out to do like Negan's making Negan go look for

supplies or something. Quick, cool, getting the sonata. Get in the sonata. That's what it is. It's like all of a sudden it's something like that. It's like they hop in the sonata and the sonata is like clean. and waxed and looking nice like it's on a showroom floor

in the middle of the apocalypse where everything else is just same thing with IMA legend. That was my frustration. That Mustang was clean and waxed and off the showroom floor and it took me out of it. Turn on the optional heated seating.

Oh, that crash was bad. If it went for the Ford's safety system might have been in a real mess. Wow. Over three months of FreeXM? I'm trying to hear ridiculous examples, and I looked them up of product placement. I haven't seen, it sucks because I haven't seen so many movies. I robot is on this list.

It also has apparently a lot of shots of his Converse All-Stars. Oh, yeah. He laces them up. And in Transformers, Age of Extinction, I haven't seen that one. But apparently at one point, Mark Wahlberg's character explicitly stops to open, glowing bud light and marvel at it. If they work it in the plot, it works. Like remember in that Woody Harrelson zombie movie

when his character is like really wanting a twinkie and like they're constantly on the search for like what they claim is like one of the world's last Twinkies or whatever? Like I didn't think of that as a Twinkie at. I just thought it has a little quirk for Woody Harrelson's character. I agree. I'm not even 100% sure they make Twinkies.

Or if they do, they're not the old Twinkies. They do. Oh. They went out of business. It was like a big deal. They immediately like. They bounced back. Because everybody was like, what?

No more Twinkies. They were like, well, we'll make a few more Twinkies if you'll buy them. And they, and they did. I remember buying a Twinkie when they brought them back, being like, this aren't fucking good. This is why YouTubers pretend they quit YouTube every couple of years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, scarcity. Are Twinkies global? Those, I'm sure they're in Australia, right? they are but you've got to go to like a specialty store so I don't really know what they taste like I think I've imagined eating one before it's like sponge cake it's mentioned by you guys yeah it's like a like a vanilla sponge cake

and it's been injected with very sweet like cream they're all right too sweet right yeah they are too sweet I mean for most people's like in the post apocalyptic world bunch of fucking sugar lightweights over there can't handle their sweet back in the Twinkie's entry level

a gag way you guys don't even have diabetes all of those like little Debbie's snacks there's something and I know this isn't groundbreaking but they're so artificial taste like the chocolate doesn't taste real

in the zebra cakes it's like I don't know what I'm identifying like I don't know what these flavors don't exist in nature where the chocolate doesn't taste real. The vanilla doesn't taste real. The zebra cakes are the best ones they make, but you know.

Is this a kind of twinkie? It's a little paste cake. It's a little paste cake. It's round. It's got zebra stripes on it. Oh, I guess it's an actual dessert. Hey, a racist peanut buttercups huge in America or is that kind of Yeah. Oh my God, too huge.

It's one of the biggest. In all this shelf space from all the other competing candies, it's gone wild. They just find another the variation of a Reese's peanut butter cut. This time with fucking peanut sprinkles in it. This time with a little bit. Oh, you know what?

We're totally throwing the shell away. Let's drop some of that stuff in there and make a different product. They're just Reese's peanut butter cup gone wild. I love the Taco Bell of snacks. They just take the same three or four ingredients, remix them, and you've got a whole new delicious thing. The Mexican food of snacks, really. I've tapped out.

I've had enough Reese's peanut butter to last me to the 2030s. I'm down for almost anything else. They just had a big. controversy where like some guy who's like the founder's son or something he's like part of you know mr reases was like these are bullshit like like they're pink their chocolate peanut butter cups and you stop putting real chocolate and real peanut butter in them they taste terrible he had a moment like papa john did except he didn't drop the n word when he did it so rhesus had to respond and like think they switch back i think they uh like new coke did they because they god they they're

bullshit. They got totally greasy. There's literally pulls of oil on these things and they don't taste the same. They're just a garbage candy. There are better candies out there. I don't know. The Reese's Fast Break is the greatest candy bar

ever made. Like they really figured it out there. They could have retired. Fast break, you think? Fast break solid. The Nutrageous. You get the new. They don't even make it anymore. The Nutrageous was the best. It was like a peanut butter Snickers. Like it had peanuts in it and peanut butter and was a chocolate bar and I think it might have had nougat too.

It was like Reese's answer to the Snickers. It was good. I've tried. Yeah, I'd like that. I didn't think it was great. I'm not sure I ever tried the fast break. I think the packaging on it didn't sell it enough. I should have given it a try.

But I like the $100,000 bar. The $100,000 bar, it's all peanuts just held together with like caramel, I think. No, that's bad. Payday is what I'm thinking of. Thank you, Taylor. Salty. Payday. is this salty,

peanuty, sugary, like, it, it fires on all eight cylinders. Yeah. I remember in high school, I'd, like, stop at a gas station sometimes to get a, like, diet Coke,

and I'd be, like, about to grab a Reese's fast break, and I'd be like, let's be a little healthier, and I'd get a payday, because in my head, because in my head, it's like,

that's real food. There's got to be a vitamin in there, somewhere and all that carol holding it together. Pay days are solid. I love those. What's like jamming peanuts in everything? We got a lot of peanuts here. Yeah, you like that, huh?

Yeah, we like peanut. You know that thing of just getting scared of kids having their throats closed over or it's not a thing there? That's an endless thing on the news endlessly here of like primary school, child. See, that's a sign of like a really peaceful society. If you're not only news, it's like, danger. Peanuts abound. Yeah, peanuts about. Yeah.

There's like, you have a lot less. deal with than we do. Yeah, yeah. The peanut epidemic. We feel those in cycles with

school shootings. Tell me. That's your war with a wrong going. Surely someone must have shot up at church

recently. Yeah. Just don't give those kids peanuts. Bada bing. You do give them peanuts.

That's how you get them out of it. Give them little tiny bits. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That is how you get them out of it.

That's true. It is. The people are early. These are these allergies, because people don't expose their babies to lots of food. These lazy-ass parents feed their kids like fucking macaroni and cheese or whatever and they never get exposed to anything else.

And suddenly they're allergic to 25 different common. I have reason to believe that it's the vaccine. It has to be a horrible medical advice for giving out. Give your babies peanuts to toughen them up. Is that our strategy? Very little pieces. Like I'll almost take a

like take a Parmesan shredder. A little dustin. You already have it. poison resistant strategy from Princess Bride? Is that what's happening right now? This is not like cocaine powder. That's different. Okay? This is completely different than that. I may have dreamed it.

No, I'm pretty sure that's real. No, it is real. It absolutely is. When you're not exposed to those foods as a kid, you develop those allergies. If you're exposed to them from early age, you're fine. That's why, like, you see a kid eating dirt. Don't slap his hand. Like, give him a spoon. Give him a spoon. Mm-hmm.

Well, maybe not too much. much dirt. He eat as much dirt as he wants in a little. You're getting exposed to all those microbes. That's good for you. You don't want the first time that a germ gets in your body to be something scary. Like, you know, work your way up. Start with some dirt germs. Oh my God. Chad Cheapy-T agrees with you, monsters. Of course. It says to give your children. We're trying to help. I thought for sure you were murdering babies with your give them a little peanut

advice. No, you are by your sheltering parenthood. Yeah. You're making these kids Oh, what happened to your son? Oh, peanut got him. What? Come on. Come on.

Get some peanuts. It'll have his problem. Some papaya, everything. Yeah, if everybody would just have like a pocket sand version of powdered peanuts and throw it at over the fence at daycares and playgrounds. Just because we got this one right this time doesn't mean you should take your medical advice from comedy podcast. We make shit up all the time. We're rarely wrong.

We're rarely wrong. Like one and 15 were wrong. We're spot on most of the time. That's just so much I can. Nothing comes to mind. But I know about Australia, the reason they don't have all the bad news is because there's like four cities there

and they're all a million miles away. It's like a transcontinental flight. What's that going to do with it? You have two cities and they're both trying to leave your state and you're throwing stones. No, they're solidly in the state. No. If they wanted to be in Kansas, they could be there. They date themselves after Kansas.

No, that's. What's the state? What's the city name of thing? We just call it city. Kansas City. And it's like halfway in Kansas somehow. I don't understand that part. No, Woody, it's not half. It's way more in Missouri. It's only the really nice wealthy areas that are in Kansas. Take that. The shitty parts are all. here. St. Louis is jumping into the river trying to get

out. That's the opposite. If we could change the name of East St. Louis to like Illinois town, that would be good. Remove that from our response. They can have it. Okay. That's the worst one. They just lose population every year.

And it's like, I don't know what they have over there. Every once in a while, I'll see news where it's like East St. Louis football team goes to national championship. I'm like, I get it. Like, you know, a lot of rough and tumble fellows over there. Not a fun place to grow up, I would imagine.

Shrinking populations destroy the city. Like, the tax base is shrinking. The population shrinks. It makes everyone leave and it's a cycle that just continues, ruins it. Yeah. Well, there's just so many shootings there that, like, once someone makes enough money to leave, they're like, I'm out. Like, no reason for me to, like, I'm going to open a, like, eatery here.

No, no one's going to come here and when they do, they're going to like break something. Not a good time. What's the most dangerous city in Australia? Not that dangerous. No, what is the most dangerous city? I'm trying to think. Like, what is even comparable to that? It's probably something.

You know what? Honestly, I'm going to say where I live, but I would say that, wouldn't I? But it's like, look, it's not intense like that. I think that there's sort of just that's, you know, old school Italian mafia. Everyone knows their place. Look at you flex. on us. My house never got burnt down. The guy's actually kind of nice here,

side from the fire bombs. But there's not like one city in Australia that people bully where they're like, careful, Darwin's a real shithole. How do you know about Darwin? Even I forgot about Darwin. Wouldn't it?

Yeah, that's probably it. I don't want to leave you Darwin. Darwin's not a town. It's like a port. that's what it is you know on the far north isn't there it's just yeah it's like it's like a strategic location more than anything it's kind of just subsidized by the government to keep it going so that you know you've got some nice transit path to indonesia that's not too far away you know like no one wants to live there it's kind of like a really poor dc or something i'm imagining that's what happens have you ever been there have you ever been there oh my many times

Many, many times. Big is Australia. Can you drive across Australia? How long in the take? I mean, you can. Trucks do it. It's pretty much like Mad Max Furiosa, though. Like, it's...

I've seen it. I've seen the road trains. But how long is the drive? Two days, I reckon. From Darwin to Melbourne is 37 to 42 hours of driving. About Colorado to East Coast. coast. Really?

More than that. You can't go across the United States in two days. It took, no, no, because I'm. It would be a haul. It took me like 24 hours to drive from, of drive time, from like St. Louis to Boise. And that's like two areas that aren't even close to the coast yet. Yeah, it's an eighth of the planet. Yeah, the U.S. is really wide.

Okay. Better to fly, unless you're a Midwest master race. And then I know people who are like, what are you talking? you're going to buy a plane ticket. You're going to go through security. It's only 17 hours. Zach, can you do the thing

when you drag Australia on top of America so we can see the size comparison? I thought it'd be comparable, but there you go. It's pretty cool. It's not population-wise, obviously, or anything in it because it's all desert. America's pretty empty and a third of it, too.

Really? Just do lower 48. Just east of the Rockies. Yeah. But like you can go into the center of America and you can grow corn, right? Yeah, yeah. Sure.

They're really good at that. They're good at that. They grow a lot of stuff there. That's their core competency. Yeah. If you look at your state, Taylor, do they just shoot each other and do they grow corn there as well or no? There's not nearly as much corn here because Missouri is like a lot of rolling. Closer than I thought.

Yeah, it's pretty close. You know, and I'm Australia there. Or not Australia, I'm sorry, Alaska. I thought it'd be. Yeah, well, we're not going to compare it. Two thirds are size. Okay. Thank you, Zach.

That was well done. No, they're big. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, sorry, Taylor. What were you said? No, I was saying Missouri is more like rolling hills and forests. It's like Nebraska, Iowa. Those are like the, you can see just to the horizon and it's bananas, amounts of corn everywhere, or soybeans or whatever other crop. So much more beautiful than forests and rolling hills.

You should be very jealous, Taylor, that you don't live in Nebraska. It is, like, it's pretty. driving through like Iowa, the flat areas, but after like 200 miles of it, you're like, this is almost a backrooms. Yeah, yeah, outdoor backrooms, even bigger. But they're not states. I've driven through Nebraska a few times.

And it's such a terrible description, but I'm like, this is exactly what I thought Nebraska would be. It's really on the nose. There's a little bit of elevation change, but rolling, not mad. mountainous and lots and lots of lightly populated, well-maintained roads and farms. That's what I was wondering, right? So it is just a bunch of houses with that cliche.

You can stay here, but don't touch my daughter, kind of like. I bet there's some of those out there. Yeah. There's some cities too. What? There's some cities too in Nebraska. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Like, in Australia, absolutely nothing. You hit Perth and then you hit Sydney. and then it's not habitable. That's one of those Macs movies seems so possible because it's just, there's only a handful of cities

and everything in between is kind of the Wild West. Like, it's pretty wild out there. Like, are there places that'll have signs that are like X amount of miles or kilometers before the next gas station? Oh my God, that is so intimidating as well. Yeah, that happens. And you do see people with Jerry Cairns

on the outside kind of just big gas. you kind of go past. And because you're out in the middle of the desert and you're terrified that they're going to be a serial killer, you kind of just leave them there. You're like, oh, I'm really sorry.

You just leave them in the desert. Yeah. Because, like, that's another thing. Okay, we do have, but, you know,

America's got a fair share of serial killers, but they seem to all want to hang out in the desert. They're kind of like scorpions. Another, it's a piece of wildlife that you have to work out for. And it's not like those giant stretches. Another sign that I always find, not so much intimidating,

but hilarious. is when you drive past a prison, especially like out in the west where it's really desolate, there'll be a sign that's, it's got a picture of a, you've got a picture of a criminal hitchhiking on the sign and says like,

don't pick up hitchhikers, prison nearby, could be escaped convict. What does the convict look like? Is it just like, has it got like the haymberg or clothes or something? Yeah, he looks like the guy on the monopoly box.

He's like wearing the white and black striped outfit and everything in that little hat. and everything like a sailor. There's no way this guy with an iPatch is a very easy, good referee. Yeah, you don't pick those guys up. Probably late for his baseball game. Yeah. I made a bad decision pulling over to help somebody once.

I was just, I don't know, this sparked a memory. It's late at night. Call it 1230 after midnight. And I'm driving home and these, this woman flags me down in a big, like the road was a toll road. So I was going like 70 or something. So for her to put like a few steps in the lane where you drive and flag me down, it seemed like there was a big emergency. I pull over and it's not just her. It's her and this dude. And he's explaining that they're having car trouble. And then like the battery's dead. But it's weird for a battery to die like on a super

highway just like for no reason on the stop there. And my like spider senses are tingling that I'm not in a safe place. And his hood is up and he points and there's a tattoo on every knuckle this guy's got. And he's got long hair. MS-13. They look like prison tattoos. Like, I'm not super well-versed in prison tattoos, but I think that's what they vibe prison tattoos on them. All these third graders' desk.

Yeah. Third graders' desk. He's got some on his neck. He's got some on his knuckles. He has long, greasy hair. And he just vibes a guy who's done some time. and he's like getting me to look under his hood. And I got like one eye on hand.

I'm sorry? You've gotten out of your vehicle? Oh yeah, yeah. I pulled over. I went to help her. He's got his hood up. Now I meet him. And he's like,

I thought maybe he needed a jump or something, but it's just a weird problem that you wouldn't solve the jumper cable problem in the middle of a highway. Like it was alternator's bad. I don't know. And he's pointing under the hood. And I've got like one eye on him and one eye on the motor that he's like trying to show me.

And I'm just not sure where this is going. Fortunately, a cop pulls over. And the cop pulls over and he starts like talking to the guy about what's wrong and stuff. And there was just this knowing vibe. Like he's like, I see what you're doing. And he's like, what do you can go? This is not the scene for you. So I just get in my car and take off.

And I don't know how he handles it from there, whether the car was. actually disabled or what was happening. But I think that cop prevented a bad thing from happening to me. Wow. Maybe so, because that doesn't make any sense. You know, like what did they pull over and turn the car off? As long as you don't stop the car, you don't need a battery. You just pull the battery out.

You're an alternator running. Yeah. So I don't know. I think I made a bad decision to pull over and help that guy. Yeah, I don't pull over for people. It's like, oh, fuck, this guy's either a chef or I'm going to die. I still pull over for people. especially if I'm on a motorcycle, it just seems extra easy.

Like, you've got a problem? I don't know. It's like you're not in a car. You're already outside. Yeah, I'd be skeved out. I don't think I'd pull over for a very tattooed man. Actually, I know I wouldn't pull over for him. Well, Taylor, I mean, there's nothing wrong with this situation because he was hiding while she flagged me down.

Oh. Oh, as soon as he popped out of hiding, I'd have been like, nope. Yeah. I don't know. I might have been able to take this guy. This was a good version of me. He was like, he armed,

Woody. He said an ambush. That's true. That's true. If he didn't have any weapons, I think I would be the betting odds favorite. Well, he's also, you're trying to choke this guy out. The girlfriend is putting a corkscrew

in your fucking temple or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want a 2V1 or 1v2 a couple. That's a good point. I don't want any insertions in my temple anyway. They won't still put it in there. She might have that corkscrew. You're like my Scooby senses went off when I saw that tattoo on his arm.

And I would think that they could finish the Windows logo at one session. Oh, Jesus. I got it eventually. That's the only way to cover those up. I would guess. Just be like, yeah. Oh, man. I just love XP.

Like that's how that's, I wish I'd bring it. I'm an NT guy. I don't feel bad for those people who lose gas, like in those 200 miles till next station. I drove by one of those in Wyoming many years ago, and it's not like there's one small sign. No. It's for miles. Like, it's like a 20-mile lead-up. It's like last gas station.

Seriously. Be safe. We're not joking. Last one for 280 miles. Nah, honey, that's how they trick you. You can hold it. You think I'm going to buy this overprice gas at the only station here? Not me, not this guy.

I'm not falling for it. Yeah, I saw that in Idaho. And I remember being a little intimidated by it. Like, all right, let's actually stop and fill up. That's scary. Like, if we run out in the middle of a hundred mile desolation area, like somebody's going to have to walk 10, 15 miles at least to a farm or something. And that's what it was.

Once we got out there, it was like, we drive 10, 15 miles, farm, 10, 15 more miles. farm lately you run out out there you're in you're a little bit of trouble i blew up one of those gas station bathrooms many years ago like one of those like last place for a while like it was such a weird like i think it was like to the bathroom area it was like the saloon doors where you could like kick them and be like howdy partner never seen like a wooden stall door somehow even like higher off the ground and look from the ceiling. I'm like shrouding behind a two by four.

The crop top of bathroom doors. Like leave after absolutely destroying it and being like, all right, there's nobody in line. I'm the only point in the parking lot. Should I pretend to be interested in their artisanal beef jerky? That's what got me in this trouble to begin with. You were interested a little bit.

I was a little interested. He's like, oh, no, sorry, I was looking for a fast break. And, I was 44 minutes into this show. Taylor, you seem to be at home. Yes. Yeah. I'm at home. Have you been released from your non-disclosure agreement of sorts? No, going to be a minute for Jordan's benefit. This is my first night, not in the hotel in 10 days. My wife and I have been there for, like I said, 10 days. I had some damage happen to the house. I feel ridiculous saying this to you as you're like, my house was firebombed.

But enough damage to keep us out of the house. We're here now, made some adjustments. to make it at least we can sleep here and work from here for me. Yeah, I can't say anything about what's happening still. Tell us about the adjustments. But again, I'm not going to say anything about what's happening. But I was so sick of the hotel. Like I felt like I was like losing my mind. I was like, oh, now I know how poor, poor Galane Maxwell feels in those fast forwarded videos.

in those prison cells because it's like man this sucks and I even have like all the horrible programming on Cartoon Network to keep me entertained but no being in a hotel when you're on vacation I said it before fucking blows Are there any rooms still in disrepair?

Yes Yeah there there's still Stills downstairs rooms Upstairs I know You hate being in a hotel so much. Don't you have a pool?

That's fun. Yeah. But I mean, Jordan, I'm with you. He didn't maximize the amount of fun he could have had in the hotel. Taylor, how many times did you use the pool?

None. None. Yeah. You didn't make a vacation out of your dilemma. Can you be deliberately messy and someone else has to clean up your mess? Oh, yeah. Deliberately messy. Yeah, just flick your condom at the wall.

Like, you do it in one there. Condom. If it doesn't stick, you need more lock and load. That's a, that's a thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, they always stick. That's how you know it's done. It sticks on me.

Otherwise reusable. God, reusing it condom might be the most frugal thing I can imagine. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it wouldn't work at all. It totally would work. What are you talking about? No, yeah.

Turning inside out. It would be like, no again. just wash that thing out maybe you put a little lube in there so it doesn't get like crispy or anything you know keep it moist put it somewhere cool put it in Ziploc bag dude you pull out a zip lock bag

with a once used condom in front of a girl she's going to know that you're a keeper I'm telling you he knows how to save money I like how there's advice for children and also pre-birth as well Yeah. She's mad because she's thinking She's thinking her head like and he just made me go touch on dinner.

Like he's just going to bought some new condoms. Back home for now. Still a long way to go on getting back to where I want to be. I assume the HVAC is running again. Not going to say anything on that. I mean, we've got it to we actually, I can say this. Yeah, we've borrowed a couple of. those like portable ones and set those up.

The kind that sit on the floor or in the window? The kind that like they have like rollers and they're kind of big and heavy and you just plug it into the window and then it sucks air out and conditions it and they're stronger than I thought that would be but they're also kind of, you know, louder than regular AC, which is irritating. So I've got two of those set up in such a way to like make at least our, you know, sleeping and hanging out quarters suitable. I got only two of those.

In case the AC ever goes out again, I can go in the garage and get my two window units and plug them in because being without AC here is just a nightmare. I know that they've had that heat wave in Europe and everybody's complaining and that's in conjunction with the World Cops with so many Europeans coming over and experiencing just AC everywhere in every store and restaurant and building. And I just see so many people like flexing that like I'm one of the Europeans with air conditioning. Like I guess in Spain maybe they have a lot of AC

Whereas not as not so much in like France and Germany and England Everybody in Australia has to have AC right Like that's a survival issue I'm trying to think if I've ever been in a building That doesn't have AC other than my own That says something Your own building doesn't have it I don't know why

Oh that sucks I know it sucks but you know you get all the dice and little plug-ins and whatever it's just like being in some field. A Dyson plug-in? Are you talking about a fan? I don't know what they are. Do they count as fans? It almost like one of those things

that you clean your hands with in the bathroom, but fan version. This is the oval-shaped fan thing, right? By the way, those don't clean your hands. You're supposed to wash your hands before. Oh, man, was very little about hand cleaning. I was always thinking I thought it was missing in this equation. I love that.

like old, like, Twitter post joke where it's a guy posting a picture of a disgusting one of those. And he's like, I can't get the hang of these new year olds. He's blowing that pre-back. It goes into a vortex. That, that's what you have? That's it. That doesn't blow cold air. That doesn't cool air.

That just blows air. It's blue. It just blows air. air. That's just an expensive fan. I feel really bit off. I feel like you guys know a lot more about this Dyson technology that I do. You thought that blue cold air didn't you notice it didn't blow hot air

out somewhere else? No? It just eats hot air, Woody. That's what I thought it was doing. I thought it was eating hot air. What's it actually? Okay. All right. So it's just completely redundant. Like it literally can't. I mean, you guys one part told and one part hot.

Yeah, it's a fan. It costs 800 bucks. Okay. Oh. Yeah. So maybe I'll just go with the Fed. Or overpriced, I should say. Overpriced.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember those commercials? Really anti-Dyson, are you? Do you remember the commercials of that guy? Pro Dyson. He thought he was fucking, he thought he was fucking Tesla in those commercials, being like, we've revolutionized vacuuming.

We put a ball on it. Like, and it's like, it was just a ball in a vacuum. and he was bragging about like turn radius. It's like that doesn't seem that essential. And he would like talk about his bladeless fans. And it's like I think we like I've never heard anyone complain about it. If it weren't for these damnable blades. There's just a propeller somewhere else.

Yeah. Like there's a propeller in the base that blows air out the thing. Yeah. And it is in no way interesting or remarkable. And the price doesn't. When you see it for the first time, if you don't think, about it too much, you're like, the future is now. It is using some sort of electromagnetism or something to impel air and accelerate it forward. This is like Star Trek. I bet if you had

enough of these on the bottom of a craft, it would hover like Star Wars. But no, it's a screw fan in the bottom, just blowing air, I think. All right. I feel like I've been deep programmed because I really feel like I am part of that cult with that CEO. Like, you know how there's just like Mac guys and then there's Tesla guys and like, I am that for Dyson and I was, when he was saying like the future is now, I was like, Carl, when you

were saying all of the stuff before you were saying how ridiculous that was, I was like, yes, yes, it's a vortex, obviously, it's Hobart technology, we all know. Like, I honestly thought that this was like a revolution in vacuuming. When I saw a fan, when I saw a fan

that we showed there, when I was like 25 or something. I was in a Best Buy and I walked by it. I was just like, I literally was putting my hands in front of it and behind it. Like it was a magic trick being like, oh my God, I wish I could afford a $600 fan because this is badass.

But no, it's a fucking fan. Yeah, you got some air conditioning, man. It's 67 degrees in here. It's chilly. I like it cold. I don't know what Fahrenheit is. Hey,

let me do the conversion. That's fair. That's fair. Fahrenheit's better, though. It's 19.4 degrees Celsius. Fahrenheit's clearly better. And by the way, look, when it comes to distance, metric is better. I get it.

I understand the whole like millimeter, centimeters, meters, meters, to kilometers and how well they fit together and it's genius. And I love it. But measuring air temp in centigrade or Celsius is stupid, stupid, stupid. Fahrenheit, the list of human temperatures basically goes from zero to 100. That's it. You exist in zero to 100. That's where humans live.

In Celsius, you live in what? Like, negative 12 to 37 or something? You are the problem that metric people fuss about. The whole like, oh my God, 12 inches into a foot and then there's fractions. I get how it's unworkable. That's what Celsius is. Isn't it hotter than 100 in Fahrenheit? I mean, it can be.

But it's in general. But like, we live as people. Yeah. Like, humans after that stop boiling. Well, 212 degrees is boiling. But, like, as far as, like, weather and, like, human temperature, the outside is never going to be hotter than 105 or 110 degrees ever. Those are, like, all-time records here.

And it's, and, you know, if it's zero is very cold, 32 is freezing. So, like, zero is very cold. Zero, you could die in zero, you know, you don't, if you're out there too long. It's probably about negative 15 in Celsius. So if you think of Celsius, is there anything else in the imperial system that you're like a huge advocate of, or is it just temperature?

It might just be temperature. Miles per hour. Is there some measurements? Is it like a whole page or something? Huh? I think miles per hour is better. Because it's a smaller number and it just makes like 25,

if a car hits you going 20, you probably crippled up a little bit. But you'll hop, probably you'll live. But if a car hits you at 100, you explode. Like, it's, it's pretty... I think the metric guys got it there. I think...

Yeah, I mean, so I'm a little less familiar with kilometers, and the truth is internally, I convert it, because I'm just been around miles for too long. But had I started with kilometers per hour, I bet I'd find it to be the better one. Whenever I watch those videos of someone, you know, going 215 kilometers per hour on their motorcycle, I'm like, I don't know if that's insanity or just,

crazy. I got to look this up. Like, how fast is that? I have no idea. How come you guys are so good at converting all of this? Because we live... I don't know anything about the imperial system at all. Well, because we do it here, and everybody else in the world does the other one, so we have to know both. Yeah, exactly. In the same way that other people speak English.

So you're like French Canadians or something, are you? Like these are you going to speak both. Cans of soda, 12 ounces or 350 milliliters. So, like, after a while, and then if you smoke weed, then you really learn your grams. and right away Because if you're a weed smoker here That's probably the only time That you'd ever use the imperial system

Like that's the only time I've ever heard Someone use the word ounce ever Oh, okay It's not a thing Other than weed What the hell? Why is that like a universal language Okay, so you use grams with it?

Yeah Well no, I just know how many grams are in an ounce So that I get ripped off When you're buying weed I'd bring a scale with me when I would buy weed Make sure they weren't fucking me over bring your own scale yeah bring my own scale

usually when I was going to a drug dealer and if it was one that I liked and was visiting they would like put the bag on their scale and then zero it out and then add it with like you able to see the number and then usually they're like

oh and an extra half nug for you and I'm like oh my stars and garters I can't believe it like thank you so much for an extra half gram dude remember I went to that the smoke shop Tuesday

I am still finding my dose on these new gummies. I'm down to an eighth of a cube at this point. That guy told me that his 500 was about the same as the 25 I was accustomed to. No way. If people didn't see P.A.N. I took a gummy and slept till 5.24 p.m. the next day. What the fuck did this man do to me? He drugged you.

Okay. Facts. Literally. And now a few nights in, I'm down to like a 16th of a gummy to define my dose. You got to go in next time and be like, you son of a bitch. You know what you did. I bet you texted someone.

I'm kind of feeling like for 30 bucks I'm set for the rest of the year. Like I got a bargain of this stuff. Yeah. I order mine offline. The place I order from like lab tests everything so you can see what's in there and what the potency is and it's been really consistent. That's good. I find that like.

And I don't like the delay. And then I've had orders and just never showed up. And I was like, if I could just drive eight minutes and get it, that's better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And plus a lot of those smoke shops have like reward programs. Like if you're going to be buying, you want to eat. Those things pay off. Like two or three trips and like the fourth trip is free basically.

Like I'll have $100 for the points. I bought gummy mushrooms too. I don't know if I said that already. But I haven't tried one yet. I've been trying to recover from the gummy weeds. You can't double up on this stuff. Yeah, you reminded me of my dad having that gummy overdose a few months back. Oh, my God, that was so.

I'm going to see him pretty soon. I'm going to give him a hard time about that because that's wild. Did he call 911 or something? Yeah, he called his friend and, like, like, he was stuck on the, he had crawled from bed after, like, vomiting on himself and being stuck in bed for like hours and hours, like eight, ten hours. He had crawled to the living room into his easy chair and where his phone was and then called a friend

who lived a few miles away who was legally blind and then the legally blind man drives two miles over to my dad's house can't gain access to the home because there's no like key under a rock or anything. And that you could find it. Not that he'd find it, you know, and the house is all locked up. And so dad's friend calls 911. So they have to make entry. They have to knock a window out of a door.

and like come in and save dad. Were they like yelling through the door? I was like, Lamar, come out. He's like, he's like, I could hear him yelling. And I was yelling back, I'm in here. I know, it's your house. That's what they're doing like a who's on the first bit. Was it a gummy or did he like gummies?

Okay, yeah, yeah. He wouldn't know where to buy weed, I would guess. Well, he went to a smoke shop. and this is one of those things that annoyed me. It would be like if I was fucking Dale Earnhardt Jr. And my dad went out while he'd be dead because he hit that wall so fast. But my dad was like, hey, I'm thinking about getting a stock car racing. So I just went to talk to a guy.

And man, he led me astray. What are you talking about? I own my own racing team. Why are you talking to somebody else about race cars? I'm the guy. I did time for this shit, dad. You don't think I know what I'm talking about. out like like he went and he bought some of those gummies and he had thrown away by the time like

he told me this story so I couldn't like look at him but he's like the bottle said like 20,000 milligrams and I'm like well that's the whole bottle how many pieces were in there you know that could have been was it 25 or was it 250 big difference obviously I don't even know I threw him away I threw him away I didn't want that poison in the house anymore I just dumped him in the Garbon. The dogs actually. Yeah. Yeah, dad. If you knew who that would be perfect for. I mean, I like guys,

but, you know, you're buckling up for a good four to six hours of being pretty high. How long does a vape last? I mean, I just keep hitting the vape. So it's hard to say that like, and I'm rarely like 100% sober. I mean, I am right now,

but like, if I hit a vape and I'm 100% sober, I'm probably a little, I'm very high, for maybe 25 minutes. I'm a little high for 45 and I'm barely high for an hour, I would say, like it's over after an hour. For me anyway, I'd say it's like a fifth

to a quarter of the time, just taking one like decent size hit off of vape compared to like a normal sized edible. Because a normal sized edible can be eight hours. So maybe for me a vape would last two, perhaps. Well, talking about edibles, like people's tolerances are so weird. Like,

and they vary so much. But like, take a little hit off a pen versus a 10 milligram edible, you're going to be mildly high, like I think about a quarter as long as you would with the edible. But it feels like longer because obviously you have to wait 30 minutes or whatever for the gummy to dissolve and get all the way through you. That's the danger zone. That movie, that's what fucked your dad up. He's like, I don't feel anything. And then he double that. He told me how he took it.

I don't remember now. He may have even cut it into halves or quarters or something like that and still gotten really fucked up. Oh, no, that's what he did. He went back to back. He's like, so the next time I took one, I just cut a sliver of it off. Like that poor mouse and Cinderella slicing the bread. Like your Getsu knife commercial.

Like in the Godfather. That's Goodfellas. Oh, Goodfellas, sorry. Yeah, yeah. There's also a pasta making scene in Godfather, but that's different. Yeah. Is we legal in Australia? oddly only in our capital isn't that strange just in cambra so our dc legal there everywhere

else it's illegal so you guys endlessly talking about gummies and vape pens and buying them like they're your fucking hundred grand bars or whatever it was yeah yeah so like it's just like part of life now is it like it's like it's never illegal before not for me i don't It'll be a... I don't know it was recent. Huh? It's going to be illegal again in the fall. Like, just a few months from now.

It'll be illegal again. The Republicans pass some anti-hamp legislation. It depends on your state. Oh, that's going to make them popular. So, like, I live in a fully legal state. And so this shit isn't going to affect us. What Kyle and Woody are talking about are like the work around 2018 farm bill thing, where you can get, like, slight chemical variations of THC legally there.

And they're going to. try and close that loophole so that they can't get it because North Carolina and Georgia are not legal states, at least not yet. Yeah. Surely it'll just be because they tried to like, I don't know, ban vapes here, but you can still go to it. I don't know how that works because you can still go to a tobacconist and say, can I have a vape? And yeah, it's all available.

Oh, you don't use that word? I'm not the word for it. It sounds like a pacinist. Yeah, somewhere where you can buy like a monkey pool that grants you. wishes of something. The regular weed is very regulated. Like the real weed that's weed. And it's only in like half the states, roughly.

But this farm bill stuff basically took advantage of the language of a farm bill that was intended to promote the use of hemp. And they thought it would be for things like rope or clothing and stuff like that. The Declaration of Independence is written on hemp. It makes good cloth, apparently, that lasts a long time. and paper and stuff, but they found out that the language allowed for them to make weed out of hemp and isolate the cannabinoids and also to like, once they've isolated them to like produce their own sort of like spin-off weeds, like THCP, which is my favorite, or

THCA and stuff like that, that are more powerful than regular marijuana and cheaper. And so that's everywhere in every state just about now. So like in Georgia where like I can go to the store right now. And it's, I think as long as you're 18, they'll just sell you as much as you want. Like they don't give a shit. Like it's and it's just really powerful gummies and vapes and all sorts of stuff. It's 18. It's a 21.

It's 21 to use a dispensary here. Okay. Well, it's not a real dispensary. It's a smoke shop. Oh. You know what I mean? like it's not because it's going through that farm building i don't think it's not nearly as highly regulated like my guess is that like weed in missouri is they make sure that there's nothing

else in there whereas some of the vape pens that you can buy like at gas stations and stuff there's no telling what's in there there's no like bigger variation in any store or shop than going into a dispensary and it's like a guy there checking your id like scanning it it's like it looks like a dentist's waiting room with like all weed magazines on the waiting area and then they let you into the main store and it's just exactly who you think works at a weed store and that's who I want to work there oh I'm not saying it's it's just it's a funny combination I'm buying a bicycle we'd I want the bicycle salesman to look like he's super into bicycles right this guy my man this guy wrote a bike here to work today like

that's the guy I want to buy a bike from he this is he's really all about the bike he he his heart is into cycling. And when I buy a vape pen, I want this guy to be high right now. They have no sense of urgency back there, which is a little annoying sometimes. Because like I go through the door, I just go to the giant like series of like touch screens

and you open the menu, you add it and everything, and then you like put in your name, phone number, whatnot, email or asking for all your stuff is like a market to you later. And then you walk to the front and they'll be like, let me see your ID again.

And then I'm like, I'm the only one here. Two of you are like talking. There's one guy in the back still leaning over like it's fucking cheers. Like, because he's in the back room with like all the paraphernalia and weed. And I just will be thinking like, I know you're the guy who has to turn around and like the pharmacist.

Go pick out my things. Like what are we? What are we? Go. Do it. Like don't finish your conversation. Go. Like do it.

smoke shops better than this you walk in and someone immediately hi welcome the smoky times my name's rich how can i help you today you think about some gummies maybe a vape over here we've got a new selection of 708 if you want to ruin your fucking life come with me and it's like all right this guy's gonna walk me through this process it's it's really nice if you ask for help they'll do that but i never ask for help because i'm just i know what i want and half the time like you get tricked and you're thinking an employee is walking over to you but it's actually some guy who works a jay to some weed company and he's there giving out free t-shirts and being like you want a bumper sticker in a t-shirt it's like i'll take the t-shirt like i'm not let's be real i don't want to advertise

this you could pull over constantly i picture taylor at the smoke shop like ron swanson at home depot the whole like i know more than you yeah no i don't want any help sometimes at the smoke shop i'd be like hey do you have any t hcp oh yeah i think that's right over over here and like, well, how much, what's the percentage of THC, or THCP? Oh, I know what's in there. I know it's in there, too. It says it on the thing, but how much is in there? I don't really know. Well, it's incredibly important. It's incredibly important. I need to know how much is in there. Are you selling

me Delta 8? Delta 8's weak. That was like the first cannabinoid they came out with for the legal states. They, or the illegal states for the farm bill. Delta 8's weak sauce. Like the, the THCP, like I've got THCP gummies. they probably don't stand up to Woody's Gommies because I can eat two of them and still exist but they're strong. I want to see what they are now that I've never heard of THCP until you said it.

I do want to throw out. If the people watching this show I find out unlikely have never done any of this and you're thinking about it, weak doesn't mean bad. Weak mean starter. Delta 8 is a ideal first choice. You don't want to jump into the Olympic pool to learn to swim.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. T.C. is 33 times stronger than THC. So it's a big step off. Three times. So many times more. Oh, yeah.

I just imagine me cutting a Cuban to 30 thirds to make it right for me. At least in a legal state, like here, I don't understand how most of these edible manufacturers stay in business because I'll go to the edible menu and it'll be like, oh, you can get 100 milligrams in 10 gummies for $10. And then you can like scroll down and it's 100 milligrams, 10 gummies, $24, but it's got like a like a bear with sunglasses on on the front and it's like extra potent. And it's like, well, it says the potency like on there.

Like who's buying this one for over twice as much? It's the same thing. So I always just go for the ones on sale. Maybe me. Maybe me. Tell me more about the bear. It's cool. The sun guys is cooler.

They're like comedic because I don't know. They're a little silly. He's wearing like Bermuda outfits. All right. I'm back. I'm going with bear. It's like actually, you know what? I'll spring for the Tommy Bahama bear.

But what I'm wearing his. Does this come with his stuffed animal? This fucking Hawaii. I'm a lot. has become sort of like Irish people in the sense that they have like a huge immunity to weed because all over here anytime someone comes back from the United

States after they've had one of your gummies is basically what you're talking about. Everyone, no matter how weak it is. Everyone's always not about gummies. Like, I don't know if you've done edibles before, but there's a big delay a lot of the times between eating it and being

fully in the throes of the high. Like you'll start feeling the high sometimes after half an hour, sometimes after an hour, but it's two hours with, especially with baked goods, I think, because it's been bound to butter. Whereas with a gummy, it's like some sort of, it's bound to the sugar or something like that, or the gummy stuff itself. It's a different process for making it, but when you do a baked good, they bind the cannabinoids, the THC, to oil or butter. And I think it takes your body a while to process that and your liver to turn it into the,

the psychoactive compound that actually gets you fucked up. So it can be two hours. There's been plenty of times where I've taken something and an hour and a half has gone by and I'm like, it's a fucking dud. It's a fucking dud. I barely feel anything. Give me another slice of that

incredibly green chocolate cake. And then like it hits you and you have time dilation. And every time you blink, you don't know whether an instant has passed or five minutes has passed and you start wondering, have I been like making a weird face this whole time? Have I been, has my mouth been a gape this whole time?

Like, like you'll go to say something and you'll think like, did I say that already? Already? Already? Already already? Like you're like, it's like echoing in your head and it's like, oh no, I'm still going up.

When I start a story high and it's like, I swear when I started this, I knew where it was going. Now look at me. Someone take the attention off of me. Make it in the dark. Yeah, I think in most states, the states where wheat is legal and heavily regulated, you have two classes. You have recreational and you have medical.

And recreational, it's kind of like the way firecrackers are here. They might have all sorts of fancy, like, advertisements on the box and like, oh, this one's a panther and this one's a goblin and this one's the devil himself. they're all the same charge. They're all the same amount of explosive powder just with a prettier facade on the outside because they can't go above a certain amount of powder. So the facade is worthless.

And that's kind of how recreational is. It's all 10 milligrams, I think, in most places. But with medical, they're trying to actually get somebody zooted who's dying of cancer or some really painful degenerative disorder. They're trying to get that guy into a zone where he's not suffering anymore.

So they'll be incredibly potent. But in states like mine, same thing. They can be incredibly potent. And just really, I mean, you can go on some nightmare scenarios if you've come here for the first time, especially like to the country for the first time. And you're just like, yeah, give me one of those. And you don't do any research. Like, yeah, you can be crawling on the floor pretty quick.

Stories like that baffled me. And here's another one that you've heard before. Oh, I took a gummy. I waited a nanosecond and it didn't seem to hit me. So I took another. And I'm like, oh my gosh, has everyone not heard this tale a hundred times? Don't we know to wait like 90 minutes at this point? Like, what is happening?

Yeah. Give yourself a cool hour because there's nothing worse than like three minutes after you take your... At least, dude, I'm telling you. Sometimes it takes two hours. You know, like your first time, you need to figure that out before you double up on that dose. Because you're getting on a ride that lasts hours and hours. It's not like, I don't know, cocaine. You could do some cocaine and be fine in an hour.

even if you did too much. Why does cocaine make you thin? Oh, sorry. Did you have ads to do? Yes. Yeah. We'll do mine real great. Why does cocaine make you skinny?

Is it an appetite suppressant? Does it raise your metabolism? How does that work? It's definitely raising your metabolism. Your heart's beating faster. You're more active. And I don't know about appetite suppressant. I haven't done enough cocaine.

It is. It's like all those stimulants are appetite suppressants. like Adderall is, cocaine is. I've seen a friend eat his way through to the other side, though, like where he just, he was doing a decent amount of Coke. And I'm like, that's more pizza than I've ever seen someone on cocaine consume. Like, that's wild. This guy's, like, going to go out like Chris Farley.

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But in a lying sense. Yeah. Jordan, I was seeing Zach telling us all, like, right around when the show started, but I just saw the message that you're knee-deep in the UFO world right now. And I assume the alien world as well. That's kind of, you know, he's in the pod. Yeah. I was about a year ago.

then I got sick of it and then I went to the United I'm doing a tour in the United States and then I realized that all of my shows are so Australian centric that like there's no point. The only one that I can do is the alien one. But I don't know how deep you guys have ever gone down that rabbit hole. But I think we all enjoy a good conspiracy. Yeah, they're fun. The alien one is honestly, there's like a few CIA ones where I'm just like, yeah,

I can see that happening. Most of the time, I think that when you're, actually do look into a conspiracy long enough. You're like, this is pretty stupid. The alien one is one of the only ones where I just think like, maybe it could have happened. There's a couple of examples where you just think like, at the very least missing scene, you know?

Just depends how you go at it. Like, if you say like they could be out there, but who knows, then it's like, yeah, that, you know, I don't think that's something that anyone's going to. going to go, oh, zero, well, some people might. But if you're like, they 100% landed in 1954 in this area of New Mexico and they have its head in like a Futurama style stasis jar and that's how we learned, you know, supersonic flight. Then it's like, all right, well, you've added a lot of stuff to that. How far in are you? There, I'm there.

You're there. All right. Yeah, I'm there. I'm there. Also because it's just very fun to take that case. Who wants to take the case of like, oh, yeah, I think there might be some amoebas somewhere on Mars or something. Yeah. They have to be smarter than you and be able to control your mind and, of course, probe you. That's a given. That like all of these things have to happen. You'd be like a believer, I reckon. Yeah. It's just, yeah, it's a better universe to think that it is. But it's always the same thing. Every time you do the show afterwards, it's one of the only things ever where I feel like skeptics, even when you entertain the idea of UFOs,

they're kind of just like, well, I had fun. You know, it's at least got that to it. Also, my show is basically just exactly the same as whatever Stephen Spielberg's new film was. I just watched that and was like, he stole my idea. Like the whole thing. It's incredible, yeah.

Have you guys seen that film? I haven't yet, a plan to. Yeah, it's called. Oh, Disclosure Day. That's the one. Yeah. It's not like that. Wow, it just seems like what?

It wasn't even advertised or anything. It seems like no one knows it. Yeah. It was, it did not make a ripple in my world. I haven't had a single friend mention it to me. I only know because I was looking at movie times the other day. So I was like,

I got to get out of this fucking hotel. There's got to be something to go watch. And I was like, Disclosure Day. Like, it's weird for a Spielberg movie to just float under the radar. And people instead are like, hey,

Did you see this fucking 22 year old made a horror movie and it's blowing out? I know. Must not be that great. No, it's not. It really isn't. Like, honestly, the first two hours of that film could have been taken out entirely. And it was really weird. It's like the first two hours is so boring that I'm not paying attention.

Even in the car chase scenes or anything like that, I'm still just like, God, I'm looking at my watch. And in the last 15 minutes, you're like, what the fuck? It's actually kind of like the ramp up when you have weed brownies or something. that's the same thing. It's just like nothing for two hours and you're like, holy shit, but then it just ends.

That's the film. It's the strangest of his that I've ever seen. I mean, my guess, just based on the title. Oh, no, go ahead.

Where do people see it? That's the show. I don't know, like everywhere. I'm going everywhere. Sick. I'm going to a lot of places. Where can they find all your bookings and shows?

Friendly Jordy's live. I think LA sold out. I might have to add another show to that. But yeah. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, go to Friendly Jordy's Live

and check that out, go see him. My guess on the title of Disclosure Day is like, is it a bunch of military guys, like sitting around a scary circular table being like, the public isn't ready for this sort of truth. And they're like, it's not our place to hide it, sir!

And that's like some rogue scientist trying to, is that exactly what it is? Don't you think? Like, you said the plot in five seconds. Yeah. You didn't need any more than that. that. But what he has is he has like a vignette of all of the really historical moments in UFO history, those ones where you kind of just like, something definitely happened there.

You know, I don't want to say publicly that it was aliens, but I think it is in my head privately. And those kind of moments where it's like, there had to be some big government experiment or something very big must have happened at that moment for it to be that you know like the classic like don't worry shit it was a weather balloon it's like wasn't that it was it was a weather balloon though well i've seen those clips with that guy on joe rogan i think kyle sent him to me maybe a couple years ago at this point oh the air force guy is like you know we saw these things and the higher ups were telling us to not mention anything about it but it was moving in directions and stopping and starting so quickly that we we really couldn't fathom

what it was and it was gaining and losing altitude so rapidly we we had no idea and of course like the Joe Rogan part of the cloak was like whoa did you think you think they're ever seen like a orangutan's fingers and it's like Joe stay with me like are you talking about Bob Lazar, but yeah, they have those military guys who have experienced like something they can't explain. It seems like at the core of almost all those UFO and alien conspiracies is a government that wants to keep them hidden for some reason. Meanwhile, there's like 200 governments that would all have to be in on that, or at least several of them to some extent or another. And then like, why? And our government has three times now announced like, we found them, we got alien.

now. Oh shit, we messed up. Actually, not really. The NASA one on Mars, they famously had a rover detect signs of life. I think it was two rovers. They did six tests combined. They all, with devices, meant to find life, and they all came back positive.

And they said that that wasn't good because they didn't detect organic compounds. But now they have detected the organic compounds, but nobody went back and was like, oh, well, then we were right the first time. And then we found that a meteor, I think in Antarctica, somewhere cold, one of the poles that was from Mars.

A meteor had hit Mars. A rock had blown into space. It had landed on Earth. And they think they saw bacterial fossils. But the problem was they were orders of magnitude smaller than the bacteria we have here. And so they discounted that. And then, of course, you've got the Roswell incident where it's in the papers. We got a UFO. Well, that turned out to be not a weather balloon. The weather balloon story was a cover story, but it was for an atmospheric balloon that was meant to detect, I think, nuclear tests

from the Soviets. And so that was like top secret technology that they were trying to double hide. They're like, it wasn't aliens, but it also wasn't a weather balloon. And so that's why when you look into this, there's all sorts of like inaccuracies and people who don't want to talk and stuff like that.

Yeah. And they've blown their wad, you're right, a couple times. I remember like in high school or college that first one, a friend of mine who's really into space was like, confirmed Mars life. And then it was like, no, no, I have a lower, I have a, maybe this is before they did that organic test or whatever and like reconfirmed it. But I have a, I don't think they have to like have fingers and be smarter than us. But I've said, this is my standard. You have to be able to see it with the naked eye and preferably as big as a lizard. Like, it's got to be something scurrying.

If I, it has to be something that if it ran across my desk right now, what the fuck? It can't just be tiny. Here's why finding bacteria on Mars would be huge. For one thing, you'd be able to determine if panspermia is how Earth got here, if it came from another planet. So you'd be able to look at the bacteria on Mars and determine if it's related to our bacteria. And if it is, it means that life here probably came from Mars. At one point, Mars, Earth, and Venus were all liquid water, ocean planets in the habitable zone. for long periods of time long enough for life to crop up on any of those planets.

So that alone would be a huge step for it. And just knowing and proving that it's not a one-off. And think about it. If there's life here, obviously, because we're here and there's life on the next closest planet, what does that say about life in the greater universe? Like, it must be everywhere if it's here and in Mars. Found them both. Which is all right

Yeah I mean Each one of 100 to 400 billion stars And it's all right here Yep Lucky us Yeah Yeah I'd like to see a fossil

Something bigger than teeny tiny bacteria on Mars Yeah I would too I'd like to see a lizard Something like that Lizard snake Something with fingers Crabs Yeah

I don't remember who's Maybe it was you who said this too A lot of my space stuff comes from you because you're the person in my life who's most into it. Did you tell me like over enough time everything evolves into a crab? I think it's called carcinet, carcinization. You said something like that. Yes, yes. It's like multiple times in this planet.

Everything always evolves toward crabs. It really does. There's a word for it. It's called like carcinization or something like that. Crestationization? No, that would be seem to be more apt. but things evolve into crabs over and over independently that that sort of body size or body shape and like way of mobility and everything

they're pretty good at surviving they regrow stuff you ever seen that crab that had like a fucked up wonky arm and it just like reaches with the other claw and tears it off rips its own arm off and then just goes about his day he's like it'll be back I've seen him pull it off and throw it like a predator and be like take this leave me alone and they like scuttle away. I do think that if Earth somehow became less

hospitable, right? It's harder for life to exist. Humans would be right there towards the end. I don't know about last. You know, there's going to be some bacteria or cockroach that outlives us. But if there's mammals alive, it might be us.

Well, yeah, of course. We could build like deep underground bunkers and fill them up with food and live for long periods of time. You're right, but it wasn't So of course to me. It was like, ah, we're pretty big. We're a little harder to feed. We take more water. Like, we're not the easiest thing to keep alive, but we're pretty good at staying alive. Yeah, eventually the sun is going to swell and get way brighter. The luminosity is going to increase to the point where it boils off all the Earth's oceans. That's what big sun wants you to think.

Big sunscreen. Tiles in the pocket of Copper Tone. Don't listen to him. He has to be of 10,000 when that day comes. But that's like 800 million or a billion. years away or something like that. And if that, they don't know, they've kind of done the math to try to figure out, is it going to melt the earth? Like, will the crust melt? Or will we just get toasted like a marshmallow?

And so they're now leaning toward more likely to be toasted like a marshmallow than completely melted. And because the bacteria, even in the soil, we've talked about that like underground biome that exists with bacteria like kilometers deep under the, under the earth. Like that stuff dies. if the crust melts. If everything gets all melty, then everything does. But nothing else can,

nothing else beside that could, like, get rid of all the earth, all the life on Earth. You would need, like, another planet to hit us or something like that. That'd be big. Well, that's happened before. A planet, planet Earth?

Yeah. A planet called Thea hit Earth. That's where our moon came from. Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah. I always thought that was a comet or an asteroid or something. No, it was about, planet that smacked in. Yeah, like a Mars-sized planet called Thea hit the Earth.

Was there anything on Earth at the time? No, no damage. Yeah, okay. It seems like Earth should have cleared out its orbit, so maybe Earth wasn't the planet at the time. Yeah, that's when it became a planet. That was when it was... That was the moment that we hit the final hurdle.

Yeah, yeah. And apparently Earth had a ring system at one point, like Saturn did. I heard that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and that's cool stuff like that. No, I don't think there are any aliens visiting us. And if there are, I think that it's like, it's those things we've talked about before,

what are there's von Neumann probes that sort of like, you've got a probe, a robot that travels the galaxy at like sublight speeds. And it's a machine civilization. These are people who have stopped being organic and they've uploaded their consciousness into a machine mind. And so they essentially live forever. So it doesn't matter that the probe takes 100,000 years to get to the next star system because they live forever. And then the probe gets to the next star system.

It mines an asteroid, makes a double of itself that also does the same. And then those go to different star systems. And even at sublight speeds, you can colonize the whole galaxy of, you know, the Milky Way is like 250 million stars. Maybe billion stars. I get mixed up. But you could colonize the whole thing within several million years. So like if those are here, then we wouldn't know about it other than to occasionally see something like zip across the sky or do something weird or move in an odd way. You know what I mean?

And they also like another thing that would explain the way that people, if the things people are seeing are aliens and not Chinese drones, then like it could be the zoo hypothesis, which is that there's some like really like maybe galactic empire. and they're keeping us sort of in like a game reserve where nobody comes and messes with us because we're developing, but we're kind of like a zoo. We're like those black kids that they had in the zoos in Belgium back in 1920s. Like they're keeping an eye on us.

Don't say the zoo. It could be sort of like how we have the North Sentinelese now. Like they just know that we can leave us alone. It's a national park more or less. Exactly. it's the exact same thing that's a lot of people bring up the north sentilese whenever they talk about the zoo hypothesis for an answer to the um the the the what do you call it paradox firm you guys uh hermy parodies yeah in that in what the fermi paradox well i don't even know what the hell that is it's it's like uh this doctor named fermi was at los alamos having lunch with his buddies while they figured out how to nuke the japs and he was like

where is everybody? The universe is this many years old and the size is this big. Like, they should be here by now. We should have seen them. Where is everybody? That's the point of it. Everyone else at the lunch table is like,

oh my God, not again. I don't know why we invite him. I don't know why we invite this guy. This guy's the fucking worst. Jordan, you were saying you're, you were talking about the sentinelese, like interested in that? Well, I mean, are you, it's like, it's, it's really strange.

Anytime any YouTube documentary comes across my feed and it's about the North Central East, I will always click on it. It'll always be the exact same information and then I'll just like, cool, have a like. Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't matter how many times you hear about an uncontacted tribe. It doesn't matter how sparse the information is. Still endlessly interesting.

it is pretty cool Just a bunch of little fellas For visiting Remember that YouTuber that went and gave him a Diet Coke or whatever And wanted to bring the Bible to the North Sentinel East They've still got his ass locked up Handed him a ice cold Pepsi like that Like BLM commercial

Like Kylie Jenner I think they've entered So there's like shipwrecks on there Or something but like And they've got metal And so now they've got metal tips spearheads So they're a real problem now. Yeah, but their bows still stink, right?

We're pretty far ahead in the tech tree. I think we have the metal piercing spears just fine. I'd tell you what, I'd be scared. Dude, if you went to that island and it was just you and maybe two or three guys and you had rifles, like, I would be terrified walking through their jungle, knowing that they're out there somewhere with bows, arrows, and spears, and that there's a couple dozen of them. I got enough shit in this closet to take out the North Sentinel Island.

You don't stand the water time. That's all you got. You get a blam, blam, slam, spear. Ah, blam, blam, arrow. I got so much more range than those guys. He'd be ranging them, and I'd be in front, you know, play more sword, and I'd be in full plate armor with one of those frog mouth helmets, so I can't get caught with a random piece of airplane debris.

And I'd just be toasting these four foot nine guys. Just I would look like the beginning of Lord of the Rings where that, where Sauron's swinging the mace, and the guys are exploding. Taylor's like, what? Stop doing that this is my boomsick. I need a hand. You're right.

Cardio was important. There must be a thousand of these guys. I don't know how many of them there are, but how much more could we possibly learn. They're never showing up at the beach with anything new, which I guess you don't really have the capacity to make new things. Are we trying to learn from them? I feel like we're just trying to satisfy curiosity. All right, you primitive screw heads. I don't know.

It's got it's nickel-plated with a walnut stock. It's got a hair trigger. $2.99 in sports and the sports department. Yeah, yeah. I saw it recently.

Do you have any like fun facts about them? Because it seems like you not seem. You definitely know more about them than we do. Yeah, you can way close than us. A little hop-skipping a jump.

Well, you know the history of them being contacted, right? I know if you have tried, A few have even seemingly kind of sort of made friends by gifting them stuff all the time, but they're not loyal friends and they turn on you. They seem to, I don't know, like when you read into it, after a while, yes, anytime you went over and gave them coconuts, they'd be still hostile. But then they just started giving them coconuts for a long period.

Like this was like an Indian envoy, I guess. And yeah, after a while, it was just like. like my snake with the mouse. Like they'd just be like, oh yeah, it's four o'clock. Sit. Here they come. And so at that point, they started thinking like, no, okay, we can't do this anymore. They're just getting too dependent on the coconuts. Because coconuts is their Coca-Cola. That's the whole thing. Imagine them having Coke. That would be the gummies for them. Like, it's so bizarre, like, so off anything that they had. Because like, even when they tried to give them a pig, they immediately killed the pig and buried it. So, like,

Just the thought of like how limited their food palate must be. The only thing that they've ever liked is coconuts. That's it. Well, it's because in like 18. In 1880, some British colonial people went and they kidnapped like four kids and two old people from North Stentley's Island.

And I think they took them back somewhere to some, some piece of land near there that they, that was like modern. They all got sick. They all got violently sick. They all died except for two of them. And they thought, oh man, we should send these kids back with gifts to like make up for what we've done.

Well, of course they send the infected children back to their tribe with gifts. The tribe takes the children back in with the gifts from the white men. And then they all got incredibly sick and they nearly died out. So they are a little touchy about white people showing up with gifts now. Yeah, it must be passed out of the local. That's true. But the thing is that the bunch of other tribes there, like in the Andamans, that are their close relatives.

Very similar things happen to them where you just make contact with them, they immediately get sick and they all die. But for whatever reason, they're just nowhere near as defensive. It's only the North Sentinelese that had that exact response. I'm a little tired of the North Sentinelese.

It's like trying to make friends with zebras. And just generation after generation, they prove that they're giant assholes, even though they look like horses, they're not cool at all. So, nuke them. is that okay can you not like

could you not do that with zebras ever no no they're real shit we'd just take a long time well you never think about it you never saw an African riding a fucking zebra

yeah we could invent five wheel cars but we've already got horses now you know African people are bright ingenuative people if it were possible to tame and ride a zebra they'd have done it. No, you just get a couple of them and you just

selectively breed the friendly ones. Because wild horses are kind of cunts too. Well, they're wild. Yeah, zebras are wild. From what I gather from cowboy movies, you can take a wild horse and break it and turn it into a rideable horse and the process

for a few weeks. We turned wolves into Bichon-freez. And people are like zebras into a rideable beast. An impossibility. It's like, no. we could do something it would just take a while right

I know they've done with foxes you know those foxes that they've bred selectively until they basically turned into dogs

yeah so you can do it it's just like why do that we already have dogs we have horses yeah yeah we already have horses

yeah but Zivar is much cooler than horses someone would do it if they'd have to because a stripy horse but that's pretty cool

They're cool, but is it just because they're rare? Because horses have pretty patterns. Horses can look cool. Horses can be way bigger than zebras. If we had zebras and horses were out there undomesticated, I think they would be the cool thing. We'd have these shitty, rather small horse-like things, but not the neat ones, not the ones with the interesting patterns,

not the ones with the beautiful solid coats, not the good ones. Budweiser wacky come by with those giant fucking what do you call those Clydesdales? Clydesdales, yeah. My fucking zebra's a bitch compared to that. Every once in a while because Anaheiser Bush is here. They used to

do this more and you don't really see it anymore. But like you'd pull onto a street in St. Louis downtown and you'd be like, son of a bitch, I'm behind a Clydesdale. And it would just be them taking fucking forever to get anywhere because some goober was like, yeah, I'll pay $40

to ride in the fart mobile behind two mammoths. Look at this. Those are painted horses, aren't they? Are those real zepp? I looked up on Chad GBT. People have trained zebras enough to be okay around people to pull carts and to be kept in zoos and even ridden. But for the most part,

they're nowhere near as close to being domesticated as horses. And it would take hundreds of years and thousands of zebras. Yeah. Is it because they have more of a like prey defense, like, um, uh, instinct to buck? Because I know that's one of the, like horses innately, if something gets on their back, want to freak the fuck out because they evolved around saber tooth tigers and shit like that jumping on them and killing them. It does say that. Yeah, there's, they have an aggressive temperament, more likely to bite, kick, and attack, a strong flight response, less predictable behavior because there's no social structure and powerful. offenses. Yeah, it just, it doesn't seem like it, because you've always heard that like trope of like, it's an impossibility. We couldn't, we've forgotten the technology. It's like, dude, if we've got them on carts already, we're not centuries away. Can you imagine how insane the first guy who saw a camel and still and black and white photos just so we're clear. Like,

like, I'm discounting that evidence entirely. Maybe all those pictures, maybe it went absolutely off the rails as soon as that that was snapped. I just imagine they've beaten those zebra till they were barely conscious or something like that and they're like wavering in the heat or something like that

all take the bitch now take it now aren't Camel is winning me over though at first I was like this silly head doesn't know how wild zebras are and then as you talked I'm like

if America and the Soviet Union were in the zebra race to get zebras to pull a cart then we get it done yeah they'd like be the first ones to

like domesticate it, make it friendly. And then we'd send, it's like, well, we sent one to the moon. It just keep pushing the gold lights. It's just immediately dies. You're like a white picture of a dead horse on the moon. It's being there for a bloody. Zemakers defeat us again. Fucking dead ass horse on the moon.

How did we not anticipate the moon thing again? They've got a number. I've been watching that the Dutton Ranch TV show. It's the spinoff of Yellowstone. Man, that makes me want to be a cowboy. Every time I watch it, I'm like, oh, this is the life.

These guys are cool. Like, I really do. I'm in my head, I'm playing that old country song. Should have been a cowboy? Well, Kyle woke up at 3.30 that day. that's the thing I want to be one of the lazy cowboys that just chews on the piece of straw

and says, yep, and like maybe I'm even the cook. I'm the guy who just makes everybody that big pot of beans and then hangs out by the fire at night. Oh, yes. The beans for breakfast too. The early dinner cook.

I want to be that guy. I think it would take centuries to turn you into a kind of. I can ride a horse. I can ride a horse. It's not that hard. Can you ride a horse? Yeah,

I went to horse camp as a kid. We owned a horse for a while. I haven't ridden one in a long time, but like I didn't find it too difficult. You know, I went fast. Like, I wasn't just like getting, you know.

I used to love horses as a kid and my family would go to dude ranches and take two week vacations where we'd ride horses every day. I can ride a horse. horse in the same way that I can do back hand springs in my memory. I don't know what would happen if I was tasked to do one now. I can ride a horse in the same way. I can ride a snowmobile. I've done it before and I think I could do it again. You know, it didn't present any like difficult

challenges the first of a horse. Yeah. Yeah. Some of the horses I rode didn't know or anything. Yeah, some of the horses I rode was just so gentle and nice. I didn't even have to tell them which way to go. They just followed the horse in front of it. Yeah. Yeah. Snowmobile would be fun. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like it at all. And I went on this guided snowmobile tour in Killington, Vermont, and like, they wouldn't let you go fast. But they ruined it. They ruined it. going on this guided tour. And I was like, let's hang back and let them get so far ahead

that we can actually fucking zip these things once and see what they'll do. And that was a little fun. It was like, okay, this thing will zip a little bit. It's impossible to tell how fast we were going. But it's kind of like the way 50 miles per hour on the lake feels like 100 miles per hour on the land. It felt pretty fast.

It felt like it felt a little dangerous. Like you wouldn't want to crash. I bet. There was there fluffy snow everywhere. You'd be landing in. Yeah, yeah. It was the trip to Killington that we were on. Remember it when it snowed like a couple feet or something crazy like that that week.

It was wild. I thought of this because we were talking about the tribes. Have you guys heard of the Prince Philip movement? Prince Philip? No. No. So there are some. Wait, wait, wait.

Let's guess what it is. Guess what it is. All right. If it were the Prince Andrew movement, I know exactly what it was. Prince Philip, I don't know. I'm going to bet. That's when you snatch the child from his mother and take her to your dungeon. That's the Prince Andrew movement.

Prince Philip. I bet it's a cigarette-based thing. Nope. No. There's, I think Kyle may have already clicked the link. I just put the Wikipedia in there. There are these primitive tribes in Vanuatu. and they worship Prince Philip. Hell yeah.

This is terrific. Right choice. Yeah, they think he was like a god or something. I don't know. They say the origins are unknown, but there was an episode of one show that Carl Pilkington did, and he just showed up in the tribe, and he's like,

apparently these fellas worship Prince Philip, pretty odd and then he like walks into the kind of the tribes I guess main grounds and there's a big twine and hanging from it are dozens of pictures of Prince Philip and then pictures that may have been photoshopped I don't know I think so

of some of the tribesmen next to Prince Philip which is funny because you know like they don't have Photoshop so someone would have had to send those to them for them to look at and yeah they They worship him. They, I think it was a cargo cult. And so, like, at some point,

Cargo shorts. Yeah, yeah. They, like, what am I to do with all these buckets? But they, you know, a cargo cult, like, apparently at some point Great Britain gave them a bunch of stuff. And Prince Philip was like a picture on it. And they're like, this guy, this is my guy. This guy rocks.

And so they apparently to this day have a deep. reverence for Prince Philip like someone brought up that he had died and it was like a somber mood had had no no they they knew he had died like because oh okay good good but it was still just like you can't tell them how funny would it be if mr beast stole his shine just brought in some new shit those orbs you know the little balls that get bigger when they're wet i don't know what he needs to give him but if he could be their new object of worship that'd be cool some feastables Jimmy we told you that we're going to eat the orbies

This is on your hands They'll get full it It's great Look how bloated they are now Swashing around Those feastables are not sitting well With those tribal digestive systems Am my crazier or is it beastables?

I don't care I think it's feastables Okay I should have been No Because feast is food Yeah I agree Yeah, yes, you're right.

I agree. Yeah. It is feastables. Yeah, Mr. Beast feastables. Okay. Yeah. The tribe. Did they really worship the prince?

Like, is this like a Fiverr joke? You know what I mean? Like, I got some- Carl Pilkington go to the tribe, and they had dozens of pictures strung up of Prince Philip. Like, just tons of pictures. Yeah, but I went on Fiverr, and I got like five tribal guys to be like, Happy birthday to La Malle.

You are wonderful. They did that for my birthday. Someone did that. You know, you get those guys saying anything. According to ancient Yajonan tales, there was a son of a mountain spirit who then traveled to a distant land. There he married a powerful lady. One day he would return. The people of Yahuannan and Takel area had seen the respect, according to Queen Elizabeth

the second by the colonial officials and concluded that her husband, Prince Philip, must be the sun referred to in their legends, and the distant land refers to Britain. It is unclear when this belief came about. It was strengthened by the royal couple's visit to Vanuatu in 1974 when a few villagers had the opportunity to see Prince Philip from a distance. The prince was not at that time aware of the sect. So, man, I bet he would have popped in if they would have told him.

If anybody knew. Yeah. I hate it when celebrities refuse autographs and stuff. I bet it was, they say it like, they say he was unaware of it. There's no way everyone around him was like, don't give him a big head. Like none of them knew about it, surely. What a ridiculous thing. Yeah, I get annoyed by the-

They're having a good time. I get annoyed by the uncontacted tribes. I want to go there and like, you know, ruin their day. I want to show them pictures of the moon landing and nuclear weapon videos. I want to tell them about how awful the world is outside their little scope. Yeah, give them a bunch of warheads. Like, warheads or the sour candy?

No, the sour candy. Oh, okay. I've seen before. Those videos are sick. There's this guy, he goes to, like, Africa and he gives, I wouldn't call them tribal people, but, like, the poorest people you can possibly imagine.

He gives them, like, Twizzlers and, like, Starburst and gummy Bear. and stuff and like just gauges their reaction and sees what sees what they like and he's just handing out like American candy to like anybody who wants some and they're all just like, ooh, an explosion of flavor. Like it's the first thing they've ever had that wasn't just like dried zebra meat or whatever the fuck those people eat. I've seen that with tribes people and I know they were tribes people because they were dressed like them and some dickhead like gave them a cold sprite in a bottle

and he didn't teach him how to open it. And so this guy's just like going to town, wrecking his teeth, just like biting all areas as much as he can. And they're filming him close enough that someone could go, let me twist the top. But they just let him wreck his nice pearly whites just trying to knock on the top of the top.

They have such nice teeth. Is it because they use their teeth as like tools and like they're keeping them polished up? Because like here, sick with me here, my dog's teeth, pristine. Like, he chews on shit all the time, time, and he's got these pearly whites, like all of them. They're beautiful. And then I saw that, like, Amazonian tribesmen the other day. And he was using, like, his front, like, top teeth to scrape down a tree and, like, peel bark off of it, like a beaver or something.

It's just like, ah, like doing that down a tree. And I was like, my teeth would snap right out of my head if I did that. Like, well, no processed food. Like everything they're eating is like, you think that's what's making? I think that's a big part. Like, they're not drinking soda. They're not having all the process nonsense.

Like, probably pretty good. I mean, there's no way in the world of that tribe, I bet that guy who was using it like a beaver was like he was known for not having good teeth. Perhaps the finest of teeth. But either way, I was like, somebody give them a knife. Like, like bless them with something so that he's not like, skipping his teeth down the tree like chuch chung chuch chur it looked awful it looked like it would hurt so bad

yeah i don't like those tribes i don't like that they exist i want to like go show them i'm going to show them what's up yeah but they seem well actually no i bet it's i don't know how happy they are if they're having a good time then let them be but if they're like if they like find a translator and it's like oh we finally cracked their language pretty simple language actually we started yesterday afternoon And he was, he's like, what's it like here? Are you happy? And he's like, every day is hell. Right.

Well, we're going to preserve that. The boo steals his child. Of you to take me with you. We're every living. The moon is stealing our children. What is Rick and Morty? That's the kind of shit I'd show. I'd be like,

Y'all haven't even seen season five of the Simpsons. You're going to love this shit. Like, I want to show them the good stuff. You know, they've never seen Lord of the Rings? Dude, do you know how monumental it would be if you got the whole tribe together, put up a big projection screen, and showed Lord of the Rings? Just tell them, tell them that your side world is a scary place. Tell them that photos your ancestor or something like that.

And then show them Lord of the Rings. They'll be worshipping you by the end. Your ancestor was amazing. He destroyed the one ring. And Sam, oh, what a brave soul. The entire time I had nothing but bad feelings about this, Gollum. Let me ask you this.

Why do they not simply ride the eagle to me? we're not watching the rest of them you guys can get fucked you can explain that the fell beasts written by the Nasgul would have taken the Eagles out they were on they were on lookout

and it was only because they were distracted at the end with the battle after Palinore Field you know that we could get the Eagles in to rescue the day after the ring was destroyed so was the power that's an excuse they made up after the fact that's what Tolkien said

like during the fact though right yeah I believe that's my knowledge like we think of that is like a modern day. That's my new favorite refute. Not to my knowledge. We think the eagle loophole is like some Reddit shit that happened 10 years ago.

But I think somebody asked Tolkien like 100 years ago, hey man, what? You've got giant eagles that carry people around the battlefield and like cross the country. Like why don't you just send one of those in there? I think he explained it. I thought he had like addressed it. It didn't have that many loopholes. Jared Tolkien addressed the famous Eagles plot hole. both in correspondence

and to inquiring fans at the pub. He famously gave direct blunt answers like, shut up. Oh, really? What a words to be. That's good. See, that just proves it's bullshit.

Yeah, but it makes sense. You know, it makes sense within the narrative why. It makes sense if you look at it through the lens of reverse engineered excuse for not closing a loophole. I never thought of as a loophole. I just thought that they had that issue with like the not,

isn't nine, uh, Nazgul and nine fell beasts, you know, like they're flying around on lookout and the big eyes. Like the whole thing is that the battle at Pelanore fields and then the subsequent like invasion, if you want to call it that, uh,

they did when they went to the black gate had captured Sauron's gaze. And he had them, it was a distraction. method. It was like, let's give Frodo a chance. Let's draw his eye. And so all the eyes were on them and it gave Frodo this moment to sneak in. And then obviously, like, they don't really spell it out in the movies well, but the Hobbit's whole thing is like, they're not just small and unnoticeable. They have like a stealth feel. They're like, they're not just sneaky in the way that like, oh yeah, they're small so they don't make a lot of noise. They actually have like

a stealth field about them. They are like stealth characters. Yeah. So it makes sense to me. And also, you have to remember in the movie. At the time the Eagles come in to rescue Sam and Frodo and the third eagle, of course, Gandalf brought just in case Smeagel was still alive. That brings a tear to the eye. At the time that they went to Mount Doom to get them,

Sauron had already fell and the Nazcaul were dead. Like they were out of the commission. But what you just said there is one of the sadder moments in the whole trilogy when you realized that Gandalf sent three eagles, and one of them was for Gallum in case he had been redeemed and he wasn't obviously that's kind of sad yeah it's almost

better for that like there's no way looking like that he could have reintegrated to Hobbit society he'd be like ah Frodo Sam what do I this guy's like uh immediately runs him through with a pitch fort yeah the first like norwood 31 he just won't shave it. Yeah, he's ghoulish.

Yeah. It's, like there's, if you read the Harry Potter books, they're full of plot holes. Like, they're full of shit that makes no sense. That when you really examine it,

it's like, wait though. Why? Why that? If not this. Like, the whole way through, like every book is full of them.

All sort. And don't, don't even bring up the time turners. Like, like, you always bring up the time turners. That just so a girl could fit in more, classes in her day. They gave her a time machine. So she could just roll time back and go to a second

class at 4 p.m. And you know what I mean? Yeah, just go change the great books. Yeah. Yeah. That's, of course, you know, it was written by a lady, you know, at the end of her rope, just writing a story about a little boy. Yeah. At the end of her rope? Yeah. She was, she was having, she wasn't doing well financially or like in her personal life. I think she was living with her parents again. I remember like something about her like having to smoke out her bedroom window or something. If I was writing the books and stuff. How old is she? Like that?

I don't know. At 30 call it. It's my best guess, you know, based on like she looks like she's about 55, 60 now. Okay. I love those books. I still love those books. I've got them all. I've seen all the movies.

I've read the books three or four times now. Started at 20. What is with that? How come people can just read Harry Potter over and. over and over again. I like it. I like the story. I like the idea that he's this like abused, neglected kid who's constantly told that, like,

there's nothing fucking special about you, all right? You need to wake up and smell the biscuits because there's nothing. You're not unique. And then all of a sudden, like, everybody shows him. They're like, oh, dude, you're not just special. You're like the chosen one. And he steps into his wizard world. And he's like a celebrity.

But he hasn't been ruined by his celebrity. and he isn't ruined by his celebrity because I like that he's so pure and like such a good guy. And I like the trio of him and Hermione and Ron and how they each have their like flaws and like attributes that they bring to the table. That's much better spelled out in the books. I like Dumbledore and Snape and the whole like twist when you find out what Snape's motivations have been this whole time and the secrets that Dumbledore has kept from everyone. All that stuff. I really dig it. Hagrid was pretty cool.

I've never read the whole. Yeah, Hagrid seems like a solid guy. Yeah, he seemed like the most fun to hang out with of the gang. A little too into pets. Well, but that's his thing. He's like a half giant or half ogre or something, and he just likes being in the forest with the gang, with the animals. You can't just say, well, it's his thing.

Just something really weird. Like, Epstein thing, he was a little too into children. That's his thing. I think that, well, it was. but I thought that the lore and Harry Potter, and I'm probably wrong because I've only seen the movies. My little brother was very into them. I thought the giants were like almost like shepherds in that world that they just had a, they communed with animals. They really liked them.

Even the terrible animals like spiders. No. The giants are like ogres, but enormous. They're stupid. They're violent. They're reclusive. And they're more likely, they're more like the cyclops from like Greek leg. or something like that. They're big, dumb, like a cross between ogres and ants or something

like that with none of the kindness. Hagrid's half giant. But there's a part where they're building their forces to take on Voldemort, like the war is looming, and so Hagrid is sent by Dumbledore to go commune with the giants. Like, we're going to send you as an emissary to the giants to get them on our side, because the last war, they were on Voldemort's side. we need to like treat with them and promise them something so they'll fight for us this time and then the next time you see haggar he's just beat to shit they're like like how'd the meeting go oh it's coming along it's coming along he's like limping and there's like blood come out of his ears and stuff like that and like every meeting they just beat the dog shit out of him because that's

like that's their life they're just violent yeah that's how they treat just a little ass beating North Sentinelese. Did he win them over in the books? Yeah, I think he did. It's been a while since I've read him. I think they sent him and his also half-giantist's girlfriend, who is from like the German wizarding school of magic. She was also half-giant.

When he saw her, he was like, oh, it was like that scene in Game of Thrones. The red guy sees Brianna of Tarth, and he's just like, Have you ever seen the map that she made of all the global wizarding schools? Yeah. It's the most like made it in three hours, one afternoon map I've ever seen in my life. Like you see like Tolkien's maps. That dude was autistically pouring over those change. Yeah.

Seeing redrawing like even to a lesser extent than Tolkien, but a far greater extent than J.K. Rowling, the Game of Thrones maps. But Zach, pull that up because it's, she's just lumping in a, it's like specific schools for a couple areas in Europe and everywhere else she's like good enough. Yeah, there's France, Germany, UK, and then maybe Russia. No, they don't even get their own spots. The UK is the only place that gets their own school. No, that's not accurate. Oh, well, that's. Well, they had the tri-wizard Cup and they have the French school and they have the German or maybe the Russian school. It's one or the other.

Let's see what you got here. That's not what I'm seeing. This is terrible. I can't make heads or tails of this. It's still. This is what I was looking at, Zach. In the Triweiser Cup, it was Dermstrang, which is apparently from Bulgaria and Bo Baton, which was obviously from France.

And then just the UK. And it was like, why did no one else come to compete? in this thing. They can fly and disaparate. Like the distance shouldn't be a problem. Yeah, they can just walk into, you know, random brick walls and boom. Yeah, Hershey's full of, her shit's, I mean, it's a kid's book. It's much more of a kid's book or maybe a young adult's book than, you know,

serious literature of any kind. I remember I told I've got a girlfriend who reads a lot. And one time I was talking about what she's reading. And I was like, you ever read Harry Potter? And she's like, it's a bit beneath me. You know, yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Fair.

Fair. Yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. I'm just looking at one. What is the most, like the top selling book of all time? Behind the Bible. Behind the Bible.

Yeah. The Bible's not on this list for some reason. The Wikipedia list. That's kind of like how the Rothschilds are on the richest people list. Like it's just in its own league. right I don't know how rich they are I don't know you're a must of a trillionaire

not anymore but that's huge he oscillates he I think he's in and out but Saudi uh there's Saudi royalty guys is it the most purchased book or the most printed book because I would think it does say best selling so it's a good question best selling I don't know I would

I would think most printed would be like the Bible and then a distant second would probably be like Odyssey Iliad maybe that A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. It's number one. Harry Potter's number four. The Hobbits? Are they counting all the Harry Potter's as like sales?

No, because it said and the Philosopher's Stone. That's the first one. Okay. Okay. I'm surprised the Hobbit's on the list, but none of the big three, Lord of the Rings books. it is on my list it says 150 million copies of Lord of the Rings

have been sold versus 5 to 7 billion copies of the Bible Don Quixote half a billion Tell up two cities better can you link it I just Googled bestselling books I'll link it I think I'm on a similar one to him I'm on the Wikipedia page and I don't love it Yeah according to this list is the Bible at 5 to 7 bill and then quotations from Chairman Mao

900 million, the Quran, 800 million. Zinhua, Zidian, 567 million, Don Quixote, Tale of Two Cities, Book of Mormon, The Little Prince, then Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit. Harry Potter's half a billion when you count all seven books, apparently. Well, that's a little cheesy. I agree, I agree. I mean, Lord of the Rings is doing the same thing.

I don't know how it's sold traditionally, if they sell it three parts. Lord of the Rings isn't on the list. It just says The Hobbit. Ah, it's on my list at 150 million copies, which is far behind everything else. Goose bumps, 350 million copies. I read a bunch of goosebumps growing up. Jesus, wow. I wouldn't have expected that, hey.

Goosebubbs is super popular. That popular, though. It's actually quite remarkable. I didn't realize that you could get this famous from writing books. Like, I know that they were from 100 years. ago most of it. Like they're doing bigger numbers than Michael Jackson, you know. Yeah, a lot bigger. They've been around for thousands of years. You realize you could get famous by rating books.

What's this? Yeah, yeah. It's good, it's good. Michael Jackson competes pretty well. All right. Michael things sound like hot cakes. How many records do you think? I think Michael Jackson sold in his career. 125 million. All right.

You got a number from Woody. Michael would be the most, right? 950 million. No, one billion. It's called a cool bill. I think the Beatles could be way up there. Cool billion. Okay.

You have a thought, Jordan. How many records has Michael Jackson sold? I'm going to say 100 million. 500 million records. Geez. Wow. So the Dixon is on a level so far above everyone else that it's, And the amount of stardom that he had, like, I was a little kid, but I knew who Michael Jackson was.

You know, I remember, like, being like four or five and just, like, knowing who that was, you know, that he was so incredibly famous. There was a video I saw on YouTube years ago where it was people, like, going to one of those tribes you were talking about, Kyle, and showing them YouTube videos. It was before YouTube, but, like, it was just on a crappy screen, crappy computer. and they were showing like D-Day and they're like, are you familiar with this? Is this anything you'll people are familiar with? And they're like, no, we do not know. And then they show Michael Jackson.

He's like, and all the people, there's like 30 of them watching all around. And they're like, Threla, Thrila, Thrilla, Michael Jackson. And then it was like, how did he reach all the way here? Yeah. Like one of them went to town once to buy a jug of water or something and must have seen him on TV.

And moon walked home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Incredibly famous. It's a shame about all the molestation and weirdness. Yeah. Well, I thought you were the one that told me he was clean as a whistle.

He just liked to sleep. I went back and forth. So let me tell you, like a new documentary just came out and I haven't seen it about the people were saying that like, oh, you'll be disgusted if you watch this one. They start talking about some of the books that he had with all this child nudity. I saw an interview once where one person is. defending Michael Jackson. The other is like, here's some books that Michael had, and he starts flipping through Michael Jackson's like photo albums. And they're like, they're like literally

putting their hands over the pages so you can't see the naked boys like on their back spread eagle and stuff. You know, like all the, it's like artistic child nudity if there is such a thing. See, that's the, that's a tally in the he did it. Yeah, I watched one doc one time and I was like, oh man leave leave little michael alone like clearly this is a good guy who's just misunderstood his childhood was stolen and so he is a child and of course he wants to like sleep with little boys that's what we did when we were little boys we had sleepovers with our little boyfriends and we like fucking watched Jurassic Park

and we all like slept on the floor or maybe like two to three to a bed like we were little kids we it wasn't a big deal that's what he was doing and then you watch the next documentary and you're like sick fuck that's Fuck. No, I mean, it wasn't Kat Williams who cracked the code like decades ago where he's like, I like bitches. And so I got shit at my house that bitches like.

What did Michael Jackson have at his house? Fucking common. Bung ball machines and toy trains. And then you hear Chris Tucker talk about his friendship with Michael Jackson and you're like, you have a hard time hating this guy. I wish I knew the truth. I wish I knew the truth about this guy

because depending on who you hear it from, he's either a monster or a victim or a pretty chill guy. Chris Tucker makes it sound like he had a deep voice in real life, but he only spoke with that voice as like his instrument. And if you have, he's like, they talk about apparently with prank phone call celebrities a lot. He'd like, he could,

he had friends of friends. He'd find out where you were staying and like prank phone call your hotel, doing silly voices and shit. Like he was clearly like an immature kind of a kid. that is what like an eight-year-old would do yeah and Chris Tucker

he's like when that 50-cent album came out It's a liquor cabinet It's all NyQuil He called it Jesus juice He would feed the kids He would give the kids wine And like juice boxes and shit Get them all liquored up and get all handsy

You who could have seen this coming Other than everyone the whole time I mean Didn't he buy off the parents Or am I making that out? Yeah, I think maybe, but I haven't watched it in a long time. Like I said, depending on what's documentary you watch, you'll come away with a completely different opinion about the guy.

I watched one of them and I was like, fuck, leave him alone. What a talent. And you watch the next one, you're like, fucking Hitler. This guy's the worst. Yeah, I don't know. There's something about him. He's like walking through a gallery of naked children. It's like that South Park episode.

Mr. Jeffers. That's ignorance, ignorance. Like clearly a cre- He was clearly like weird, you know, like they's never been on trial. Yeah, that's, they never put that one to the test. You know, you can look at that guy and tell, like the facial surgeries were so bizarre. I always thought that he wanted to be a white woman. Like, that's what it seemed like that he was trying to turn himself into a white woman. They say he had vitiligo, though, and then he had skin bleaching to make everything else match with a vitiligo. I think that was nonsense. I think it is. I've never seen Vidaligo and Michael Jackson. Like, I have.

I've seen him get killed. Okay. Michael Jackson, Vidaligo. What was that, Jordan? Like, what other explanation do you say other than him bleaching his skin? Yeah. Vidaligo, I thought, usually takes, like, decades. And you never turned, like, completely white.

And he just showed up one day and was like... He bleached. He bleached his skin so it would all match. He got, he got, like, a more expensive version of whatever Sammy Sosa did. Sammy Sosa went like did it in Mexico and became Frankenberry. Yeah, he Frankenberry's perfect. Yes, he heard like a pinkish like like Easter sort of color. But I think I think little Michael just, you know, had a...

That has to be photoshopped, right? The one that he has just sort of like patches of white and white hands. Yeah. That's not real, right? I thought Googling it would satisfy my curiosity. But instead I'm like, I remember this time. He was in public all the time and never had Vidaligo symptoms. Could it have been makeup? I guess.

But I just don't remember him having Vidaligo and I live through this. I don't know if these pictures are fake or not, but these are pictures of him with Vidaligo. You know Bubbles the Chimp is still alive? No way, Bubbles is still out there. I think so. Bubbles? Is he in that... You don't remember the bubbles?

Is he in that chimpanzee rescue place down in Florida where they have all that land? I think that's where they put those. chimps that tear people's faces off. Missouri? Is that where they all go? Maybe it is Missouri. Yeah, you did tell me, we've got a real chimp. Where is the chimp? Holy fuck. It could be that no one has been bothered to update Bubbles Chimpanzee Wikipedia page,

but according to this, he's 42 or 43. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I could imagine a chimp living that well. Chris Tucker was saying that, Chris Tucker was saying that the chimp would be in its cage, like freaking out being super violent and Michael was like yeah leave Bubbles alone don't mess with Bubbles he's angry oh my god Michael you gotta stop doing that to those kids

Bubbles doesn't understand it's fucked I hope he's doing okay I hope the real bubbles it's doing okay he had that sex assault thing coming out Bubb trailer

yeah yeah bubbles from trailer Park Boys got in some legal legal trouble. We were just watching some trailer park boys last night. It was the one where Mr. Leahy is making the Blue Jay Burger for Randy. It's got an old Blue Jay. It's got feathers in it.

It's better than store-bought Mr. Leahy. He's eating that Blue Jay burger. Oh, well, this is the shortest paragraph ever. It doesn't really say that anything came of it. I know it was moving forward. Like it was going to like the next... It says he was charged in late 25

but it's like a two-sentence thing. All it says is as a result he stepped away from the trailer park boys. Which I didn't even know they were still... Oh yeah. Well, they did that podcast forever where they were kind of in character. That was pretty interesting.

And then they're always trying to do another season on Netflix. You know, they did the anime. show on Netflix after Mr. Leahy died. Yeah, most wholesome guy on that show in real life. Seems like Jim Leahy. That was, he seemed like a cool dude. Jay Rock's pretty cool too. I've seen, you like Letterkenny.

You know the, in Letterkenny, the Amish guy whose name is like Dix or something, and he's always making like double entendre jokes. Yes. The fat guy? Yeah, well, no, he's a skinny. It's Jayrock. Jay Rock plays the Amish guy who always shows up. up at like the front stand and he's talking to,

I think their last name's like Dix or something. He's always, like I said, always double entendre jokes. That's J-Rock. I did not realize he looked so different. Yeah, yeah. He was a fun character. I still,

that's a show I never rewatch because it makes me sad. Like the amount of abject despair happening in their little world, even the intro that is like a sad intro. Yeah, That sepia-colored, like, overview of a disgusting, like, trailer park and, like, that kind of, like, that weird music. And then you step into these, like, incredibly poor, ignorant people's lives. I love it.

I love it. It gives me the same vibe all of their heists where he's like, Julian, we just got to make this heist. 30 grand each, we're set for life. amounts that you couldn't be set for life for. It's like you remember Luann's boyfriend and King of the Hill? Lucky where they'd be like, lucky is the damn near luckiest guy in the world. That's why we called him that.

He's set for life. Never got to work again. $50,000 slipped at Peepee at Costco. Like, it slipped at P Costco. $50,000. He's like supposed to be like 31. One of their giant scams was robbing like a big bubblegum machine and getting all the loonies out, you know?

Yeah. I've seen all that and all the movies. I love trailer park boys. It's a fun show. I like those guys. I like that like, you know, they sort of did their own independent TV show just with their buddies and were pretty successful.

I remember it was Ellen Page was on the show. Do you remember that? Oh, wasn't she someone's daughter? Yeah, she was like Mr. Leahy's, like, niece, or maybe Mr. Leahy's daughter. I don't remember which it was. She was only there for one season and they recaster. Someone's kid, yeah. I don't think she was a big part.

Yeah, she was in several episodes. It turned out in the Odyssey, she's not Odysseus. She's, I think she's one of Odysseus's sons. Or he, whatever, you know. Is that doing well? Or wait, is that not out? Is it out yet? I don't know if it's out, but I know that they've like sold out of tickets like in advance.

Like it's going to do bonkers numbers. It's getting review bombed before it comes out. I don't know. I don't know if it's getting review bombed. I know that like the YouTube like dislikes are real bad. And, you know, there's going to be plenty of people that won't watch it. But it's going to do tremendous numbers. It's going to win a ton of Oscars too.

I wonder if it'll be good. Like that. Everybody. It's hard not to look at like the one-way diversity casting lately and see all jobs go away from white people in acting. But putting that aside for a minute and just looking at a piece of content, I wonder if it'll be good. I bet it'll be tremendous.

I bet it'll be amazing. Yeah. Everybody is talking about. It was on IMDB. Why would they turn them on before the public could watch? Well, people get, well, nobody can rate it right now. that hasn't seen it, but there may be people who have seen it before the fact they do early screenings. I was just going, like Tom Holland's having a meltdown about how good he thinks

it is. He says he's seen it twice now. He's in it, obviously. A little bias, perhaps. If I were in it, I'd be like, the best. You got to see it. Now, when they put me in blackface, I said, I'm not sure about this. Yeah, I saw the government of Greece or like some big, like, Greek heritage organization based over there was like pissed because they're like, this is our story and you didn't cast you're all concerned about this woke

stuff and you didn't cast any Greek people like this is kind of our thing like pretty lame but I don't know. I don't need Greek people. I might not. You don't need the Greeks. As long as they're white. Greeks are fairly white anyway if we're being real.

You're a real fucking Himmler with this topic. Like, just... More of a gerbils. Are there any good, like, regional Australian shows that are funny that we should check out? I mean, we've got fat pizza and that's pretty much the only thing that Australia produces. Because the thing is, you know, we're not like Japan or Korea or anything. Like, you guys have a much bigger industry, so you can port everything.

there's not really anything in Australia Have you seen Mr. Inbetween? Mr. Inbetween. Never heard of it in my life. It's an FX show, so it's pretty hardcore, and it's based in Australia, and it's about a hitman. It's really good. He's a real scary hitman. He's the main character of the show,

but he's trying to balance that with, like, a real life, like having a daughter and dating a lady, and they don't know that he's a hitman, and he's just a absolute bad motherfucker. In any situation, you're like, I think Ray's going to come out on top. I think he's got this because, like, he'll kill everyone on the screen if he has to. It's real good. I love Mr. Inbetween.

Okay, entourage with Keeling. And then I watched an Australian movie recently called Rover. That was really good. Rover. Is it about a dog? I don't want to spoil what it's about. You can say what it's about. Well, I can tell me more about your house, huh?

Yeah. He's got glasses for secrets over there, Taylor. Kyle's like, I am under advice. Does it smell like smoke there? We want to know something. I'm not going to talk about that. So it's a guy here. It's got a guy pearson.

And Robert Pattinson. Robert Pattinson plays like, he plays a stupid person better than I've ever seen a smart person play a stupid person. Like he doesn't go full like Forrest Gomp or whether or anything. It's just like, ooh, this guy's not very quick with it. He is clearly like a, he seems like a dumb person that you might have met in real life for. He's such a good fucking actor. Basically, Guy Pearce's car gets stuck.

First of all, it takes place in seemingly a Mad Max-esque future Australia where shit has gone to hell. Well, we're not like Road Warrior exactly, but things have gone poorly. Like, it's not the first world anymore. And Guy Pearce's car is stolen by this group of criminals. and that's the whole movie is him trying to get his car back, and you don't know why. He's like, he is so dead set on getting his fucking car back. Like, he steals a car to go get his car back from these people, and he's got Robert Pattinson with him as a hostage,

because he's the brother of the people who stole his car. And, like, by the end of the movie, he's sort of forged a friendship with Robert Pattinson, and they're tracking these people down, and they're killing people, and there's gunfights, and there's really, like, despicable stuff happening. It's really good. I'd never heard of it before. I watched it a week or two ago. Really good.

Rover. Is this in Broder Pattinson's arty days where he was trying to... I think he's still going to get away from Twilight. Yeah. Yeah, he was trying to step away from Twilight. Was that that period? Or is this established? Probably.

This is probably like five years ago or something like that, maybe a little bit more. I love Robert Pattinson. Everything I've seen him in, he's tremendous. I didn't love Mickey 17, but everything else. Like when I see him as the French person, Prince and the King doing that snooty French accent and talking down to Chalemay. This is great.

Like, I hate him immediately. He's got that, doesn't he? Actually, yeah. I still think of him as the Twilight guy, but it's, he's got range. I never saw, I mean, in the lighthouse, when you see him in the lighthouse. Yeah, the lighthouse. That's tremendous. I like Robert Patton.

He's like the anti-Christian veil, where like he gets cast and they're like, Christian Bale, we know you have to be Batman three months after this, but do you mind weighing 111 pounds? And he's like, I'll do it. I'm stopping eating. And then he'll get jacked as fuck for Batman. Like he does all of that. Balls to the Wall. And then seemingly, even for movies like Batman with Pattinson and other things, like Twilight, they're like, can you please just try to get somewhat of a six-pack so that the shading looks more like you have a six-pack? And he's like barking up the wrong tree. That turned out to be a lie about him with the Batman.

He's like, I worked out so hard. I worked out so hard for that. I just didn't take any tea. Yeah, he didn't get on fucking testosterone and get yoinked. I thought that's my favorite Batman, and I'm looking forward to the sequel. They're making Batman too now. And I think that they're going to thread in the Joker TV show, or the Penguin TV show that I love so much. I just can't take serious.

like when detectives are like glad you're here and he's just like a guy in shadow dressed like it's Halloween and they're like let me share some of these evidence photos with you get your thoughts and it's like he's dressed like a goober being like very interesting I like in so in the new Batman actually let me grab another book I hate when he does that he just disappears like that's so fucking stupid in the new one you like have one foot out the door like And the new one that kind of explain that, you know, like he walks into the crime scene exactly like you're describing. There's cops there taking photos of the body and stuff. And most of the cops there are like, what the fuck is this guy doing here?

This fucking goofball in a costume. But then there's one cop. It's probably Gordon. He's not a commissioner yet. But he's like, thank you for coming. Thought you should see this. Like he's got one ally in the police force who's like, sees him as a good thing and a positive. I love the new Batman.

I like the, I like, it's my favorite Batman. I like it better than the Nolan Batman. Hmm. Now, the Joker one was the best. Yeah. Wait, the Joker one? Like the Joker movie? No, no, the Joker Batman with Christian Batman.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, he's Ledger. Yeah. Yeah. That was very good. Like,

did you guys come back and watched, uh, like George Clooney's Batman? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually the opposite of most things when you grow up. and like awesome powers was cool when you were 12 and it's better now like I go back and watch it and I'm just like this is sick this is actually a really fun film

and it's really it's funny like I just laugh the whole time so those are made by Joel Schumacher who's like an old fruity guy like literally like an old homosexual feels like a 200 million dollar Maritra parade

that's that's it is very not even gay undertones like when you see the Z they zoom in on the cod pieces and the bat suit and Robin's suit have nipples protruding. Yeah, like it's...

The nipple pieces. It's super gay. Too many Arnold Schwarzenegger one liners? You know how it's cool when he has like one or two? At home to the ice age. Yeah, that? But like everything

it's a one liner. It's like they just threw a thousand. Like, why do these will fit on a McDonald's? Where are we going to find this guy? I don't know. I've checked everywhere but the ice cream district. And it's like, do we can I let me bring back Mr.

Freeze? That is a hilarious character. I love Mr. I think Mr. Free's a great character. He's one of those villains who has like, like some of the, like the Joker just wants to see the world burn, right?

Like if you gave him everything he wanted, he'd go burn down a hospital. You can't appease him or please him. Mr. Freeze is trying to save his wife. His whole thing is he's always trying to steal something that'll allow him to bring his wife back alive. she's got a disease that's a degenerative disease where there's no cure and so he has frozen her and he is he's a doctor obviously and he's looking for a cure for it while she's frozen and I think what happened to him is part of that same research and so he'll be trying to steal like a piece of technology to save his wife's life he's not out there like knocking over banks for funzies he's a really like you understand why don't you say obviously obviously Obviously that the character Mr. Freeze is a doctor.

I don't know because of read the Don't tell him that this whole thing is a ridiculous pursuit. She's dead. She's frozen. Well, because he's a scientist who made a freeze, Ray, Taylor. Like, you know, like, obviously, it's like, like, obviously. Why does he go by Dr. Freeze? Yeah.

His name is Dr. Freeze. But actually, I don't. No, it's Mr. Freeze. Mr. Frees. People call him. Mr. Freeze. His name is like Dr. Vawt Freeze or something like that.

He went to mid-school. Yeah. I didn't spend six years. Cold college. The cold college. Yeah, Dr. Victor. I knew it was Dr. Victor Freeze. Yeah, look at his last name.

That's the part that's goofy. Is that like fries? it's of course not how do you spell fries i like that but okay in this well wait but in this context obviously we're talking mr freeze so it would be pronounced freeze because it's a name anyway mm-hmm i know that word though fair and mate They don't Mr. Fries. Mr. Fries is a completely different guy.

He makes French fries. He's got his wife in boiling oil. Trying to see. It's like grimace in the hamburger or something like that. Do you remember the media campaign after Heath Ledger died? And the way they were. like goose in the anticipation for the movie was all these journalists and like movie reviewers being like totally serious and are like this comic book character role of the clown makeup guy

it was too dark for him like it it pushed him to this oh yeah and people at the time were like that's so true it's a it's a dangerous role and it's like that's so ridiculous in hindsight like you're going to go out there and be like, why so serious? And then kill yourself because you're like, I can't, I can't live with the demons. Yeah, that wasn't at all. Like, people have talked about, like, he joked around on set and like he wasn't walking around being the Joker or anything like that. He was just a normal guy.

He died of heroin, I think. He had a serious heroin issue. Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah. Is that what it was? I'm pretty sure. I don't know if he was in a bath with it, but, you know, heroin and bathing do not mix very clearly. We've learned about that.

That and Special K, you know, you'll get that that slow cooker situation Chandler had. Mm-hmm. Rest in peace. RIP. He was fall off the bone tender.

Oh, I bet so. Probably. I mean, the hot tub probably turned off on its own after a bit. You know, if bubbles don't stay forever. Public ones definitely do. Well, no, we talked about this. The bubbles do. Maybe not temp.

I don't remember ever turning off. I remember just like chilling in there for hours. I don't remember having to be like, oh, turned off again. Yeah.

See, my hot tub experience is at like hotels and stuff and they may have, you know, like the kitty version on. Yeah. Yeah,

but think about how amazing my immune system is now. I'm taking a hot tub in that petri dish that they are feeding up around the clock. And I'm barely seeing. Yeah, I don't want to be part of that.

Okay. I can eat peanuts. I'm all for me. I can eat peanuts too. But I don't want to get in that cesspool that, that, like, I, people probably fucked in that thing. I don't, I know that, like, like. That's why I'm immune to herpes. Like Taylor said the other day, I just imagine people are getting in there with dirty asses, you know?

Like, like, I see people on Reddit, and it's, I see girlfriends. Because you see women on Reddit talking about how their boyfriends didn't know. There was a story. This woman was like, my boyfriend didn't know how to wipe his ass. And I didn't find out until we'd already broken up. And I was like, all, first of all, that doesn't make sense. Like, apparently she would find poops in the toilet with no toilet paper that were unflushed, which huge red flag. So he didn't know the whole process.

And he would have skid marks in his. He would have skid marks in his underwear. And apparently after he broke up, he talked to the guy's mom. And she's like, you know, saying to his mom, like, I don't know. He just really wasn't contributing to the relationship. And his mom was like, honey, the boy can't even wipe his own ass. And she was like, oh, what? What's I found poops?

And the mom's like, yeah, we'd find unflushed poops with no toilet paper in there. So he'd always have skid marks in his underwear. This is a grown-ass man. Barbarian. Yeah. Yeah. And is anyone else thinking, the girlfriend would have known this had she given more blow jobs?

I was, she should have discovered this during the dating process. Yes. Yeah. There's no way. Like, like, I promise you.

Did they ever, did they take a car ride together? Like, you don't even have to go that. Like, if he's sitting in enough poo to be like alarming, he's not even stopping wiping too soon. He foregoes the,

the entire process. He just he just pulls his hands up. He's like a modern day diogenes. Who is it's fucking disgust. I don't understand that. I see it so much on Reddit. People talking about like finding skid marks and their

boyfriend or husband's like underpants and I'm like never in my life have I shit like left skid marks. Like I've shit my pants before. That's happened a little bit. But immediately, oh oh oh time to like throw these underwear away and like clean up and take a shower and like look back on my sins and try to learn

from this. So he's not even watching his butt in the shower. He's not, that's another thing. I've heard guys, I've heard guys, and it's usually black guys who think it's gay to wash your asshole. It's your asshole. They think that touching your own asshole is gay, even to wash it. Then that's, then you're going to stink. And then when they say it, they're like, why is my asshole need to be clean anyway. What am I supposed to be doing with my asshole that it needs to be clean? And I'm just like, I don't know, living in the planet Earth, living on the planet Earth, you don't want some disgusting

itchy asshole with like poop on it. Like, my asshole's pristine. You can look at it right now, spotless. Spotless. Oh, yes. Dude, I would rival that butthole. I think we're on the same page. I think we're on the same page. I think we've got a similar it's always shower fresh.

I might be fresh out of the shower. It might be one of the badees. It might be one of my techniques. keep it super clean. Yeah. Yeah. You know what the, like, when you have to shit right after you get out of the shower, you just have to hop back in there. That's always like the whole days would be wrecked and do this right now.

Well, I mean like if, well, I don't mean like sopping wet. I mean like two or three minutes after you get out of the shower. You've dried off and then you have to take a shit. Then you just take another shower. No, I'm not going to waffle stomp. I'm not a little bit right down there. No problem. It's so cute.

Covering that with a cough. Poorly, so it's up. This guy I knew in like middle school, thought he had cracked some sort of Da Vinci code when he's like, you can fart anytime you want. You just have to cough at the same time. And he was in my little brother's class. And my brother was dying, laughing, telling me after school.

And he was like, and so Jake was sitting there. And he had a big fart. watch this and he goes, just like mistinted and so a cough to draw attention to you and then a fire out just a, you know, a pebble blaster.

Yeah, so. Everyone's done that and sometimes you just have a fart that won't stay in and you're in high school or middle school or whatever. And you just have to pull a left cheek lift, let that sift out. And then you always, wait for one person to respond. You can't be the first one going, we gotta find them.

Yeah, you can't, you can't be like, you have to, you have to play it like, like Mr. Musker, Colonel Mustard or whatever, like when you know you got the murder weapon, but you just, you wait for someone else and you go, oh my God, I think it was that guy nobody likes. I have these, I have like distinct memories of crop dusting the hallway in high school, like between classes. Everybody is shoulder to shoulder. It's, like a street in New York City. Like, we're packed in that hallway. And every step, I'm just,

it's the perfect crime. Kyle's over there, like a Clydesdale. And they're hot. And I, like, even though I'm moving away from it, I'm like, oh, that's nasty. That's bad. And there's a whole wave of people behind me going, oh, oh, oh, God.

The heat is directly correlated to the stink. if you have a nice cool airy fart like that's that's for the birds that's nothing i've done that when i'm on the walking side of those automatic airport things because i'm like if i stand if i stand on the right they're going to find out you know even though it's going to slowly disbate but you just you you act like you're busy well you are yeah something about the shower turns it up to 11 humidity to you. That's the fastest speed recorded, faster than light, is the speed at which a fart

enters your nose in the shower, where it's like, that's astounding. I'm only thinking about farting. Smells move at like five or six miles per hour. I mean, that's quick because I'm not even a mile an hour. Certainly not the distance from my butt hole in my nose. smell through still air smells move at five or six miles an hour yeah that's what the internet told me that's interesting it doesn't depend on the smell how could it now why would it depend on the smell different particle size different particle size yeah i think it's more about like the methane or what the smelly gas like expanding in in our atmosphere dude in perfectly still air it would take days or weeks for a smell to travel 10 feet.

Well, perfectly still. Uh-huh. I've never been in real life, even in what feels like still air, within seconds, you'll smell something. Yeah. Yeah.

Have you ever cropped us at a bunch of people? Jordan Jordan probably I'm just trying to think I can't remember the last time I shat myself even that's a good thing

isn't did you have any friends I feel like it's like an initial like fart you ever see somebody light a fart and have it go badly yeah that was great but not go badly

just like well what a day this is a great this guy like laid on his back and he sort of pulled his legs up and then he lit the fart but what happened was I guess part of the fart came through the pants

and that ignited but there was still a lot of fart in his pants so like inside of his pants became on fire then and so then it was like then his pubs caught on fire down there it is gooch so then he's like now he's slapping the fire out

but he's slapping his balls that's I mean I would think that's a bare butt occasion like you can't risk that trap I would want to do it in the tub. It seems like if you're in the bathtub and you got like a lighter right above the water, you could grab that,

you could like catch that bubble. Just right. Yeah. I don't think I'd, I don't think I'd like to do it. I, this point in my life. I have this story.

And there was like a three of us that were friends. One of my friends hung out with another friend group, right? And he comes back with this new tech. He's like, dude, I hung out with Scott and Larry. And they were like a well, coordinated fart lighting machine. The guy would be like, all right, I got one coming.

That's all he had to say. He lays on the bed. He sprints his knees apart and holds him in the air. If you can picture this, while the other guy puts the lighter in place, and he blast one out, and he's a fucking dragon for a moment there, where the flame in it and it worked perfectly. So my friend wants to take this tech back to our friend group and let and teach us the ways of Scott and Larry.

So he does the same thing. He's like, I got one coming. He hops on his back. He holds his knees from like, you know, he holds between, like behind the knee. He's in the position. And then he poops himself.

Oh, you've really ruined the sleepover, John. See, there is because he's not a true firebender. You know, like, you know, like, you know, we didn't adopt that tech.

I watched the police video yesterday and this lady, she's such a scumbag, you could tell, but she shits in the backseat of the cop car and they have to pull her out because the smell is so bad. And somebody goes, what happened? And she looks toward the camera and goes, I shit

it in this seat. She like thinks it's funny. And then they look and there's like a nasty shit right in the middle. You know, it's hard plastic in the, I don't know if you've been in a cop car or recently. But it's hard plastic back there. On purpose.

As a defensive mechanism, she did it. Yeah, but there's a nasty, squished shit and a puddle of shit water, like a visible puddle of shit water that she has left. And the other cop says to the cop who's driving the car, like, man, that's rough. Better get a different car, huh? He's like, this is my car. This one's mine. This is my take home. Yeah.

What was the point of that? She still got arrested. those people don't think in those terms like for anyone else within common sense when you're getting arrested you're like all right I'm getting arrested let's make this happen as smoothly and as compliantly as possible so that we get to the

end of the race which is not being back home these people are like I can get away I can fire one off I can get out of here I can escape like I watch so many cop videos where all the person has to do has put their hands up, but they choose to die instead. The cop's like, show me your hands.

Show me your hands. And he reaches for something. And the cop shoots him 12 fucking times. And it's like, he had a gun. They get there and there's a fucking gun in the car. Sometimes their ability to hide weapons from the videos you showed me are astounding. Where he's like, what are you doing? And the guy's like crazy-eyed.

He's like, what are you grabbing back there? And then it's like a Lord of the Rings style scimitar. And it's like, where's he hiding that? He's not wearing pants. He pulls out the sword and begins to bleed. I've been watching some wild ones lately. I found a new channel. And every single title to every video is like nightmare babysitter

rapes entire sleepover. Or it'll be like, a father's disgusting secret found out when the baby's body is found. Like every one of them is more diabolical than the last, just the most gruesome, crazy, like, killer grandmother destroys family. It's always like these insane people doing insane stuff. I watched one yesterday where the guy, it's like, it begins with a traffic stop, and

it's a man and woman, and they flee in their car, and then they carjack a semi-truck driver, and when the semi-truck driver tries to defend himself, they shoot him in the hand and take him hostage and so they're parked on the road after they shoot all or they blow all the tires out of the semi truck it doesn't have the trailer and so the semi truck is stopped on the highway and there must be

a thousand police officers there and there's a SWAT team and a bear cat and a helicopter and thermal drones and they're all around them and they're hostage negotiators like they want three cold mountain dudes and a pack of cigarettes they won't talk till they get them how about

two the stupid fucking cops were having those talks they were like we got some warm ones here he says warm ones won't do and that pack of cigarettes y'all sent he don't like them he wants cools how about a hot Sierra mist no blow a brain shot

they wouldn't do it they didn't bring them the mountain dews and cigarettes they just attacked them and killed them both and somehow got the hostage out of there damn i like those videos where uh it's like the interview room with someone who they suspect

of being a murderer. And sometimes the video is like someone who seems sketchy and then they reveal like this person actually didn't do it. They caught the other guy. But most of the like sometimes it's so obvious. I like though. They'll be like, you know, what do you know about the Johnson residence this evening? You know what's going on?

And he's like, mayhaps. And it's like this guy did it. Like I like twirling his mustache. I like when it's like an hour and a half long video where you begin with the initial 911 call and you end with sentencing. And like somewhere along the way, you have like three different, I watched one yesterday where, I watch a lot of these,

I watched one yesterday where a young girl has been found raped and murdered. She like normally walks up and down this road. People have seen her there. And she's got like three boyfriends or something like that. She's fucking around with all these dudes. And so they've got it narrowed down to the three dudes she's fucking. And they all hate each other because she's fucking each of them.

And they're like, it's like, well, must have made you pretty mad that, you know, it made me pretty, they're manipulative as fuck. Like, you know, it sure would have rubbed me the wrong way if my girl was running around, sleeping around, you know, all these other dudes. That didn't make you mad, mad enough to kill. And it's like all these bullshit questions like this. And I'm watching it. I'm trying to figure it out before the end, like any good mystery.

I'm like, I don't know, this guy, that guy. It was none of them. They had DNA. They tested DNA on the body. It doesn't match any of these guys. And then, like, the cops gave it. up. The cops basically gave up. The girl's family is watching like a YouTube video of their own, and they learn about something called phenotype testing for DNA samples. And basically what they do,

they're able to create a photograph from a DNA sample now. So if they have the DNA of the person, they can create what that person looks like. And incredibly accurate. And so they do it. It costs $4,000. The church raises the money. They send off the phenotype testing. Boom. They got a photo of this guy. The cop looks at the photo and goes, well, that's Mark. That's Mark. I know Mark. I coached his little league team. And then they show a picture of Mark next to the phenotype like render that was created. It's him, dude. It's a blue-eyed wand guy with that nose, those eyebrows, that hair. They had it better than any sketch artist. Like if the sketch artist had looked at the criminal and then went back and created that sketch, it would have been about as accurate. It was perfect. damn and then of course he folds immediately he's like yep it was me that's immediately i watch so many of them and all they have to do is say lawyer lawyer i won't answer any questions not without the presence of my lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer it's all they got to say and maybe they wouldn't get away with it but they'd at least be in a better negotiating situation when sentencing time comes they will just tell on each other right

there the cops really you know i know you really want to get this off your chest yeah that's it the one on the is specifically the one that I'm talking about. You can see, like, that's him. Yeah, they got a lot. That's him. That's him. Eyebrows are a beat, you know. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Other than that. All four are the same person. I'm just kidding. It's not as good. Yeah, the one of the left's not as good. Maybe because the guy looks older. Honestly, the composite proposal. file on the left looks a lot like

the composite photo on the right. And the eyes are a different color, but like the shape of the jaw and the chin and the ears are all kind of generic eyebrows. Yeah. They nailed the one on the right though. Oh, look at these. Oh, yeah.

These are very accurate. You think? Nah, I thought they did it for lots to much more accurate than this. These look good to me. Like especially the one of the left looks a lot like that guy. The one of the rights, this is that guy, just a different skin tone. I got the skin tone a little off. Yeah, that's pretty cool technology. Skid tone can be lighting too. Like, it might be

looking closer in a different picture. Yeah, he looks really light. The police sketch guy is useless now. I think they've always been kind of useless. Like, when you look at some of the sketches that come out and then the final guy that they catch, it's like, come on. That's, like, I think human I think human witnesses are really bad. I think they're really bad. I think human memory is a weird thing, and it's not always accurate. And you can misremember things. And then if you talk to somebody else who was there, who saw it with you,

like you can get contaminated, and you can start remembering the things that they told you. You can meld that into your memory, like a composite of the two memories. And, you know, like, it's weird. like witness statements, I never believe. Whenever I see like, oh, there was a witness who saw. I'm like, did he though? Did he though? Like, it's like that better call Saul scene where they're like, are you sure this?

This is the man? Like, yeah, the guy sitting in the defense box. Like, actually, would it surprise you if that's not my client? Mr. Richardson is sitting in the back of the courtroom. This is Pete Richards, who actually has a great valbi for that night. He works a law downtown or whatever. Like, I think people just aren't good at that. I think we're not going to be. I've been a witness. I haven't talked about this in like 10 years,

but when I was a teenager, maybe 17, 16, something like that. Our house was getting robbed a lot. And I heard the robber on the stairs, opened up the door, yelled at the guy. We were two feet from each other. He looked at me yelling at him, fell backwards down the stairs, and took off and ran. So I was a good three seconds, less than a meter from that guy for Jordan. sake. And then I asked me to pick them out of, they had these like books with, um, pictures. What are they called? Mugshots. They were like flipping through. And I was like, I was trying to catch the guy. And the cops knew who he was. So they wanted me to pick him out of a lineup. So the cops could say, like he picked you out of a lineup. You're the guy. So I'm like putting my finger on the picture looking at him. Like, it was just like like like, like, like,

one by one moving my finger, picture to picture, and he was not playing that game. The cop did not give me any assistance. I couldn't recognize the guy, even though we were that close. And I didn't help him catch him. Yeah. So, yeah.

I'd have been a good cop. I'd be like, hmm. Yeah, that's what I needed. That's what I was looking for. I didn't get it, though. What do you think about this guy right here? This guy. be the one here or maybe one's up.

I didn't have that happen too. Somebody stole my bicycle and he had made a few changes to it. So when they're like, we think we caught the guy who stole your bike. And I looked at it and I'm like, ah, I wish, but that one's not mine. They're like, are you sure? Because we'd really like to get this guy for stealing your bike. And this could be your bike. And I'm like, I don't know.

Then there was damage by the handlebars because I used to put a lock on it and it hit the frame in a particular kind of way. And when I saw that down, I was, wait a minute, this is my bike. And then they got them. Yeah, it is. First, because the name on the side said, Twitty. It threw me off. Yeah, big fight this weekend, Woody. Big fight.

Yes, yes, I'm about to make $5. I'm feeling good about my bet. I still feel fine about mine. I think Connor McGregor could still do it. I don't care about the layoff. I think that he's been, he looks great, looks like he's in good shape. Max is, you know, he's been fighting this whole time. So the theory is that it's worse for your fighting career to take five years off than it is to get beaten up for five years and to stay in practice. And I'm just not sure if it's true in this instance. I feel like Max over the last five years has become a worst fighter and receive more brain damage.

But the matchup, if neither one of them is diminished, like I think Max is, I mean, he's a volume pressure fighter who's going to put it on Connor with crazy cardio. Connor traditionally is like, do you get done around one? Round two? Uh-oh. Round three is going to be rough. The end of round three is really going to be rough. He's going to be panting.

And then round four is going to get shut out. That could easily happen. But I'm counting on Connor to catch him with that fucking. left and put his lights out. He better, because Connor has transformed from a fucking Volkswagen GTI that could only last two rounds to a muscle car. That guy has no gas tank now. The muscle he carries, the weight that he's added, he lasted two rounds at best before.

Now he has one. Hmm. Maybe. Maybe. I haven't seen him do anything more strenuous than pick up a fat chick in a long time. So we're going to find out. I don't know. I've seen him like doing light sparring and, you know,

hitting pads and doing his like karate spin kicks and stuff like that. He looks fucking good. And Max just looks like shit. Max is the roughest 35 year old I've ever seen. You know, he looks rough, dude. Well, he gets beat up for a living. He gets beat up for a, so does Connor. And he looks slick, you know, kind of looks pretty fucking good.

He's clearly an aged. Connor posts on Instagram for a living. Yeah, he sells He's a hundred millionaire It's going well I'm not saying that he's not wealthy I'm saying he's not a fighter Like he trains all the time seemingly

Like we'll see I think he's been training He did all training camp for this It's not like he's new to the sport He knows what he's doing You know I look forward to it I think I hope it's a big time

If he wins It's going to be good for MMA If he wins Then they can turn this into a lot they could have him go fight Islam Makhachev for the 170-pound belt. I know he's got... That'd be so good. He's got crazy beef with those people.

Khabib might be in the corner. Oh, can you imagine if... My dream scenario is that, that he beats Max and then, like, fluke beats Islam Mokachev. Like, Islam has a bad weight cut or a broken foot we don't know about, and he can't get out of the way of the left, and Connor puts him out like Chosea Aldo. And then he put...

Then he's on the microphone and he's like, they call you the eagle. I say you're a rat. And he's like shitting on Khabibu over there. Fuck you and fuck your dead father. He's Scottish now. Yeah, it's the best I can do. I've become groundskeeper, Connor, like right away.

Like, Kobe comes out of the environment, like Rocky 3 or something, decides to make good, takes out, Connor, he's got his wife under a fucking queen-sized comforter for some yeah in the stands trying to watch that would be great He's trying to peek through the holes like it's a doily or something like that

She don't know what's going on Someone's got a ghost costume on in the crowd Do you care about are you an MMA guy at all Jordan? I don't know nearly as much as these things ever And I'm kind of scared of it because I kind of feel like There's good Aussie fighters Watching a video game or something, huh?

There's some good Aussie and Kiwi fighters To like you guys are overly represented by like guys like Alexander Volkanowski and Robert Whitaker and yeah it was a prison colony I thought that the old Soviet Union would have had this beat out as a prison colony I thought that you know all the big fighters would be Dolf from Rocky 4 or whatever they do have a lot of good guys like yeah the Russians yeah the Russians specifically the Dagestanis are

overly way overly represented it's like what they do there is fight. I think they've got a bunch of world class fighters who weren't represented at all. Like they could be more overrepresented. Yeah, I said it right. If they didn't get like kicked out of the UFC for one loss or winning boring. Or drugs. Like they, I know Islam has tested positive for something before.

Did he? Yeah. I can't remember what it was. Oh. It was some bad, banned substance. Is boxing got a thing anymore? There's no one care about boxing. It's a little UFC.

It's just completely weird. We don't care about it, but like, but globally boxing is, is big. Like, boxing somehow, like, still bring, I think, I think there's more of a casual following, because it's not as bloody or as extreme, and it's a little simpler. And for whatever reason, like, boxing doesn't interest me in the slightest. Like, I grew up. I remember when we watched the Tyson Linux fight, like, we watched that pay-per-view and being, and being like, man, this, this, this sucks.

This sucks. And then, like, little did I know, that would be the best boxing match I would see for the next decade. Because every time I tune in to a Paul Brothers fight or some sort of, like, celebrity boxing, or even, like, real box, like Tyson Fury matches or something like that, I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate the patty cake bullshit. I hate the way as soon as they clinch up, they get pulled apart. It just seems like, it doesn't seem like combat.

It's, it's, it's, I really like mixed martial arts and, and like how quickly things happen in an MMA. Like, like, a guy can be winning four and a half rounds out of five and then just get starched. And it's like, it's like out of a movie. Like, that rarely happens in boxing where a guy's been beaten for eight rounds. And then in the ninth, he closes it out like Rocky Balboa. But in MMA, I can think of five times it's happened off the top of my head. Like, you know, I think about that crazy head kick on.

Kamaro Usman for the belt. I think about Derek Lewis starching that Russian guy in the last 30, 45 seconds of the match. There's tons of them like that. Chale Sonnen getting triangled. At the very end. I think it's Scott Smith.

You might not know the fighter by name, but he was hit with a belly shot, which was going to lose him the fight. And he had one more punch left in him. And he threw the punch as the guy went to finish him. And yeah, it's pretty good. By the way, I looked up Islam's thing.

He tested positive for meldonium when it was legal to take. He took it, they say, anyway, for a heart condition, ventricular arrhythmia before it was added to the band list. That's his, that's where they got him on. So Usada apologized and said it was their error. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. I like Islam.

So I'm like, see. innocent. It didn't do anything. But if you told me that same thing about some fighter I didn't like, I'd be like, oh, sure, you're an elite athlete with a heart condition. And you're taking this banned drug for that reason. I buy it. We'll share a povo tested positive for it too. So it's a performance enhancing like drug that a lot of athletes would or did use. Once something is testable, they usually shy away from it at the higher levels, but apparently gives you increased exercise, endurance, protect cells from oxidative stress, and accelerates recovery time. So the main things you want.

The things you want. Yeah. Yeah. To recover is the biggest, like Barry Bond's had a Hall of Fame career before he turned into a giant, just so we're clear, but he turned into a giant. He's a complete cheater. Like, you need an honorable guy. You need a McGuire out there.

You need a guy. Fuck you. Fuck you. I was wondering where you were going with this. You need a hero like St. Louis Cardinals' legend, Mark McGuire. I hate him. I hate Sosa. I hate bonds.

I hate all those cheating cock suckers. Like, I hate them. Like my guy was the home run leader who did it on fucking chili dogs in Atlanta. What evidence do you have that Mark McGuire cheated? He admitted to it. Interesting. I'm going to take a page out of Woody's book.

Not to my knowledge. you have him talking about cheating like plus his forearms turned into canned hams you know he looked like Popeye after 10 cans of spinach he's like giving you that too he was like giving an interview about why he wasn't cheating but he's having to use like two chairs pushed together is that true to that really

no no I buy it though it sounds real bonds was on another level though like again Bond's had a Hall of Fame career numbers like big time like first bout Hall of Fame shit before he got enormous he was a speedster he was he had a ton of stolen bases he was incredible hitter credible fielder

bonds was an all-star but then he got on the shit and he turned into the incredible fucking Hulk if you I watched I was really into the game when Bond was doing his thing he would step out there and he had this elbow guard that looked like something from a gladiatorial

arena. He had this huge elbow guard and he just stand there and they almost always walked him. That was the thing. The announcers was like, and Bonds comes up. Let's see if he draws the walk. Yeah, they're not going to want to pitch to Bonds. And it's like, and what other sport does that happen? Where someone is so overwhelmingly good

at something that's the hardest thing to do in sports, by the way, that they won't even engage with him. That they would rather... It's such a baseball guy thing to say. I know. The hardest thing to do is... hardest thing ever done is hitting a baseball. We only do it like every third try.

Yeah. Exactly. The best people is the most difficult thing in the planet to accomplish. Think about what you're talking. Just unfalsifiable bags for baseball. The people who make $100 million a year to do the thing, at best succeed one third of the time. It's the hardest.

The best people in the world that shooting hockey pops score about 10% of the time. What the hardest thing to do in sports is? It's going to be some stupid baseball biased AI being like, I guarantee if Woody says that, he can also follow up and say, I don't think that's true. And chat GPT will be like, oh, you're right.

That's interesting. I guess it's a multifaceted question. Everyone agrees it's hitting a fucking Major League Baseball. It's so hard to do. No, I've heard it. It says getting a hole in one in golf. Oh, that actually. Oh, there you go.

Okay, well, sure. What are the odds of that? What do we, does anyone know? Depends on the whole, obviously. One of the rarest feats in sports requires a perfect blend of flawless technique, precise distance control, and a significant amount of luck. Yeah. I mean, those are the best guys at that in the world. And what percentage does that happen?

It's got to be less than 1%. 0.001. Like, it like makes the news when that happens. Even if you're not a golf person. Yeah, it says professional golfer is 2,500 to 1. And if you just average, it's 12,500. Is that more or less likely than 3 to 1? I'm not a stats guy.

I don't know either. He's more of a spelling. I'm actually a high. So we're from the only countries speaking of sports that call it soccer, right? You guys call it soccer? We call it soccer, too. You should call it soccer. The British people called it cocker.

Soccer. Yeah. English called it soccer. We didn't make this language. It's not called American. It's called English. We got it from them. They can't go fussing at us for calling it soccer now.

Seems wrong. A bunch of complainers. We are the countries that are right. All the others are wrong. We got knocked out, right? America. We got beat by that team with a B or something. Belgium, maybe.

We lost. Now, I didn't watch a second of the game. And I didn't really care. And I don't know anyone who does. Really? For our American fans, that's translated to American. That's 28 to 7. Not a good total.

Did Australia do well? They made the tournament. Yeah, for our standards. But I mean, it's always the same thing, right? If you're not from South America or Europe, what's the point of even competing? So after that, you're kind of just like, oh, my God, we almost made it to the quarterfinals. I feel like your country cares more than we do, but I also don't feel,

I feel like in the scheme of things, Australians don't really give the fuck, right? No, we've got three football codes here, and we don't give a fuck about one of those. So we don't have time for soccer. What's a football code? Is that even the word? I don't even know,

but we've got AFL, which is Australian Football League. We've got rugby league. Oh, leagues, yeah. And then we've got rugby union. but you only followed rugby union if you're from South Africa and from a private school.

And so that's not even on television. But I'm telling you now, that is higher than soccer here. I think soccer is mostly just for Greek immigrants. That's it. So rugby is the biggest thing? The old country to go there, have a good time,

just like beat each other based off of like old ethnic disputes from, you know, like, you know, just Yugoslav stuff, you know? Like, I think it's mostly that. It's like, is the only sport that I, like foreign sport that I see that I'm like, man, that's a cool sport. That's a fucking out on one. Right? Yeah.

When I see, when I see girls play it and they look like they're playing like dudes, like they're all scraped up and bloody noses and shit and like fucking shoulder checking each other into the dirt. I'm like, that's, these are real athletes. Like I'm into that. Whenever I see rugby, especially if it's some fucking islander, not Samoan. What's those other

fuckers? What's the, The New Zealand? A lot of Tongans in it. Yeah, those big fucking Polynesian looking fuckers. They wear the black uniforms or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The all blacks? Is that what they call themselves?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Whenever I see one of those giant motherfuckers with calves that are this fucking big, just pumping down the field, ramming into people, I'm like, I could get into this sport. I wish we had this. I don't know much about rugby, but I do like how there are different archetypes, like amongst the players.

You've got the guy Kyle talked about who looks like a running oil drum for some reason. It's just all stocking and strong. And then you've got some speedsters, some tall guy who could be like a wide receiver in the NFL, some little agile guy who could be messy. And it takes all of those guys to be a good rugby team. I barely know what I'm talking about. But I watch highlights to here comes the boom. And it's pretty dope.

It's like football in that way. Like it's just like football in that way where you need those wiry, quick guys. and you also need a guy who's like 6 foot 10 from Nebraska who weighs 480 pounds and is just like a Zamboni couldn't move them like he just stands there and is a wall. Is that, wait, is rugby the most popular sport there or is it Australian? No, not by a mile. AFL is way more popular. Rugby league is only popular in New South Wales and Queensland if you know what those are, but they're states. and they always have like their big state rivalry

which is state of origin what's more popular afl this is a soccer australia football league they have football with different rules yeah it's a weird one to watch that's honestly to you know play into the stereotype that is just like watching kangaroos

play football that's a lot of it's kind of like a weird combination now the thing about it between like rugby league and basketball with a lot of soccer as well like you're kicking the ball a lot. It's a very fun game to play. I always find it very messy to watch though. Yeah. Okay. So this is... New South Wales

I'm going to say that. This is rugby what I'm talking about? No, Australian Football League. I'm looking at the sport. There's no yard lines. Oh, there should be. Okay, so Australian rules football is a continuous free-flowing

game played on a massive oval field with 18 players per team and a minimal protective gear in contrast American, okay. So yeah, that's the difference. It looks like rugby. All right, what's the way?

Free flowing nonstop football is kind of rugby, right? Rugby's a lot of using your arms. You're passing the ball. You very rarely kick in rugby league. You do. But the AFL is nonstop kicking. Okay, so the difference between rugby and AFL is

they differ significantly in field shape, game. play and scoring. And Australian rules, there are 18 players per side and rugby 13 to 15 per side. Australian rules is on an oval, rugby's on a rectangle. Australian rules is fast, 360 degree fluid game where players can move anywhere on the field. And players can only pass the ball by kicking it or hand balling, which is punching it with a closed fist. There's no offside rule, whereas rugby is a highly structured directional.

As players generally move left, right, or up and down the field, players can't pass the ball forward, and it must be passed backwards or kicked. Yeah, lots of little things like that. The tackles and possessions are different. The scoring's different. This is way better than soccer. I'm watching videos of it right now.

America is part of the problem. We have too many sports called football. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, there's American football, there's soccer, and then there's whatever overall thing you got cooking over there. Australian rules football. They have to dribble it.

Every 15 meters, they have to bounce the egg-shaped football off the ground and catch it again. I bet they're good at it. You'd be correct. Yeah, they seem to be very good at this. But they're like taking almost LeBron James, you know, level of steps before they dribble. Oh, yeah.

I hate that. I hate that they've just decided that traveling isn't a rule anymore. Yes. Yeah, that doesn't seem fair. And also, what's that other rule? They don't call in the NBA anymore where you're not supposed to be able to put your hand on the side. When you poke your star player, your eyes.

Carrying. Yeah. Carrying, yeah. It used to be, people looked at like the old white guys from the 50s in basketball and thought they had no talent. No, they were just only allowed to hold the ball from the top. Yeah. Now of a sudden you can hold it from the bottom and the side

and there's so many more moves available to you. It had been, I'm not saying those plumbers from the 50s, but the same athletes we have now, but the game would have looked a little more like it. Sure. Is ice hockey big, or is that kind of just like a specialty sport? Nobody watches that.

No one watches. Ice hockey is the fourth biggest sport here. So it's football is the biggest by far. Football blows everybody else out of the water. And it's college football, right? No, NFL football, of the pro league. So college football isn't included in that. college football is also enormous but pro football NFL is number one and then

basketball seems like basketball and MLB are pretty close in two and three and then it's hockey and then it's soccer. I think I only said hockey was unpopular because I thought it would bother him. Oh no I did see the I like watching it for the sport. It's shocking. Hockey is very fun. Like, it's the best sport to watch. Yeah.

It's very high physicality. Like, and physical sports, you get more physicality, the smaller the play spaces. And hockey of all the physical sports has the smallest play space. I have quite a whole story.

And I feel like that only tells part of the story because the skates make the players so fast, they close gaps. It'd be less hitting if they had to run all that. True. What were the skis? I have a question. Like,

what were ice skates originally for? I bet one guy made them in Canada And then like For four years later They were like we could hit people on ice Bound like task or work I think it was probably just for fun Because skis were for

To move around in like snowy regions You can't travel across ice on skis You're gonna look like a I know but I'm just drawing A humanitarian toll for transportation and survival From 4,000 years ago in Finland. People polished horse and cattle bones

and attach them to their shoes with leather straps. Okay. Because what I'm getting it, I mean, this doesn't make sense, but it's like the origin of the sport, it's like, it's so there's something about like throwing a ball at a target or trying to keep a ball

from another person and advance it. That just seems like you just fall into your game. Yeah, very good work. Whereas you're, whereas hockey, it's like first we put on these ice skates. And you're like, what is ice? Oh, that's right. You live here. So ice is when water turns into a solid. And then we have a stick and it's weird shape. You've never used this stick for anything other than hitting a hockey puck. What's a hockey puck? Oh,

wait do you see this thing. It's made a vulcanized rubber. It's a little puck that we freeze so it's hard. And like the whole thing seems contrived, if you will. But surely I can't fight people in the middle of the game. That's where you're wrong. That would be incredibly dangerous. You're on the hard ice and everyone's got blades on their feet and sticks in their hands. He would throw a punch. To connect a thread to a previous topic, it would be fun

to just repeatedly give balls to the people on Sentinel Island and see what game they invent. That would be good. And they might come up with soccer. I think the missionary chucked a soccer ball at them. They didn't give a shit about it, though. I think it was the job. I think it was the Aztecs that had sort of a soccer-like game where they were in a pit and on either side

the wall had a hole in it like at like head height and you were trying to kick the ball through that it was like basketball and soccer mixed together but and it was incredibly hard to score and the games would go on for like hours and hours and maybe even days and if you scored you got sacrificed so that may have led people to some low scoring games A lot of a lot of assists. Yeah, Woody leading the league at assists again. That guy just can't score for some reason. I'm fucking teeing everybody up in that game, yeah.

There's no way that's true. Every single time you get to go. Every game is draw. Well, I think the idea would have been that it was a great honor to be sacrificed and maybe they look out for your family and stuff too. And your sacrifice is probably bringing in the spring rains or making the crops grow. So like you're down to do, like you're volunteering to go like, do this thing for the gods.

But that's like a real, the people who were doing the sacrificing wrote it down where they're like, no, they weren't freaking out at all. They loved it. And also the Aztecs, like they're, they were one of those civilizations where like the amount of people they sacrificed was bananas. Like is there a civilization that sacrificed more? And it largely wasn't of the Aztecs. They would like go out war with some.

smaller tribe, nab all of them, and then be like, boom, we got 30 guys. That's our nine to noon. Let's go grab another tribe. I think so, at least. I'm reading about it right now to see if, like, everything I said was right, but I'm looking for the sacrificial part. That's the part I can't find. They wouldn't do that, though. They would want the sport to be fun and entertaining. The same way that, like, ancient Rome's gladiatorial arena is depicted as like every single fight ended in the death when actually, when it was between trained like all-star gladiators that was super rare because the emperor or whoever's making the call is not going to kill some guy who puts asses and seats he's going to be like oh he fought valiantly keep him alive he'll he'll be at uh 6 p.m on wednesday playing again oh apparently oh so

here's here's where i was right and wrong at the same time so the game is it as is as i described it you had to move the ball forward with like everything but your hands basically hips heads um But you can't let it bounce twice, apparently. And, yeah, on the ground. So there's a lot of juggling of the ball. And what they would do, and this is the part about the sacrifices, they would sometimes have the home team play a team of prisoners. And they'd smoke them and then kill the prisoners, apparently.

It was something like that. But like what you were saying about the gladiators is absolutely true. Because those gladiators were the professional athletes of their day with outrageous salaries. I think I read somewhere that the highest paid athlete of all time was a chariot driver. And when you put his Roman pay

in like today's currency, it's bonkers money. Like it's maybe billions or something like that a year. Like bonkers money that he was making. And they were, I know that they were going to put it in the first Gladiator movie that Maximus was going to get sponsored

by an olive oil company, but they thought it would be unbelievable. But that was part of the gladiatorial games. Like big-time gladiators had sponsors like olive oil companies or like vase companies or pottery companies or whatever. You know, this is, I'm back some drinks. You know, they were still doing that back then. And so, like, you'd have your star athlete come out and basically put on exhibition matches with other star athletes. And then occasionally you'd bring in some Christians or some Africans or some defeated Germanic warriors.

and basically poke them full of hole, starve them for a week. And then Carthaginians throw them in the mix. Then you have your Kobe Bryant go out there and just beat that shit out of the Washington generals for the crowd, basically. Yeah. And I think sometimes they would like ally rival gladiators to be like, oh, can Maximus and Severus defeat 10 people we got drunk and gave clubs to? We'll see. And, like, yeah, they did. Dan, these guys,

God damn it done, you've done it again. I always say, like, I hope that we're moving toward a future where we bring back gladiatorial games to some extent. I would, I would really like to see two guys have a sword fight that knew what they were doing.

Like a real sword fight with stakes. Like, I've seen, there's all sorts of, like, is it called Kimpo Woody? The sword martial art? The stick fighting? I think it's called Kimpo. It's a, not sure. It's a martial art

that's four swords that's that's practiced today and you can go to like kempos schools and you put on kind of a fencing outfit that's a little more sturdy than a fencing outfit and you have like battles with swords and shit and you learn it's as a martial art um but i'd like to see like a real gladiatorial situation with prisoners like that's the perfect way to do it like have prisoners fight for their freedom that would be cool but but we can't free them why not they just fight until they lose because if it It's like, oh, here's Steve the right past Johnson. It's like, ah, you know, this guy's a real fucking mon. We just got to put him another match if he wins again.

This guy's unstoppable. No, I like that. I like that. I like that would be part of the stakes. They're like, like, this is his third match. If he wins tonight, then he's on the streets with us. And you look at him, he's got like sharpened teeth. Yeah, one way take it to, to Australia.

We'll re-invigorate that the tradition. I saw someone, I saw someone hailing Australia as the perfect example of why Western culture is superior the other day. Go on. Oh, they sent a bunch of prisoners there

and then they made a first world country. Here's what happened. Great Britain sent the scum of their realm to a big island somewhere all alone and they turned into a first world nation that's peers with everyone on the planet, peaceful, high quality of life, rich enough.

Considering like the natural resources of Australia. What do you all have fucking asbestos mines? You know, like it's, there's not a lot going on. We googled it one time. It's like cattle and scrap metal was in the top of the rest.

You know, and all that considered, done tremendously well for themselves. You know? Yeah, it's true. A lot of that was you do with, it wasn't the convict. So they didn't know how to build anything. The reason that that started happening was because they soon quickly realize, oh, we actually need people that know how to

build things. So they started just advertising Australia as being this amazing way. Same thing that they did with Greenland you know, just saying like, oh, it's so lush and then you get people over there. It's not the wool-rust tusks. Oh, another... So it was the same thing that happened here. They just said to all the tradesmen in Britain.

Another Australian movie. You're going to love it. Huh? And as an Australian, you should watch Quigley Down Under, which is about an American... These two hate quickly down under. Quigley. Quigley down under.

is about an American cowboy who is a sharp shooter and he's hired by a Tom Selick. Tom Selick. Tom Selick is hired. He's an American cowboy. He's a sharp shooter. He's like a world class long distance rifleman. And he is hired by who's the guy played Snape? He fucking died. That guy. He is a cattle baron in Australia during the time when they're trying to get the aboriginals out. And he has hired Tom Seismore, this crazy bounty to come shoot. I think dingoes. because they're killing his cattle. And Tom Seismore gets there and he's like,

well, it's not actually the dingoes. It's the abos. And so, like, he gets mixed up in this whole thing with the aboriginals. And there's a lot of cool sharp shooting, long-distance shots. He's got this crazy custom heavy-duty rifle. I love that movie.

I know we did these movies. Was it made in 1990? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It looks like it's from the 50s. I've never seen quickly down under. But just based on the name. named Quigley, I thought this was

a comedy. No. I mean, it's lighthearted. It's just feeding a wallaby. I thought it was sort of an earnest goes to the zoo. One in a thousand people think this movie's a masterpiece. Kyle just happens to be one of them. It's pretty terrible.

That's a long way. It was just ordinary with lots of all parts in between. It's 74% a silly climax. It's a sea. What do you mean a semi-climax? The end of that movie is, oh my,

what was silly about that? That's one of the greatest endings in any shoot-em-up Western. It's the whole movie. Quigley has been, spoiler alert, the whole movie Quigley has been shooting people at like 1,500 yards or something with his crazy custom, high-calibre, long-range rifle. And it's been almost comical.

He's shooting them from so far away. And, like, early on, the bad guys, like, I actually like these cult revolvers, And Tom Seismore's like, never had much use for it myself. So at the very end, they have Tom Seismore beaten and captured. And this guy, this Australian guy who's the cattle bear, and he's a fan of the Wild West and like the literature about it. And he's like, we're going to have ourselves an old school shootout.

And but it's not going to be fair, of course, throws a gun at times Tom Seismore. And like him and his two henchmen are there all ready to like quick draw and have a little shootout. And Tom Seismore just quick draw. It goes, bang, bang, bang! and kills them all. And he's like, well, he's like, said I didn't have much use for it. Not that I'd know how to use it. And it's like, oh, it's such a great moment.

I fucking love that movie. That is one of the best. It's in my top 10 westerns of all time. Like, it's a movie. Every listener is like, yeah, Woody nailed it. You didn't like it. Chis didn't like it either. We used to do these movie nights for me, Woody and Chis would like pop on a movie and

sit in a call. And every week, a different one of us would suggest the movie. and that was one of my movie suggestions and Chis still has the Excel spreadsheet of like who suggested what and what he thought of everybody's suggestions and he gave that one a red bar he didn't like that one in the same thing

have you seen Minions Rise of Gru it was the only Minions movie I could think of it on my hand it's a funny movie to compare that was before my sleep apnea was treated and they recorded how bad my snoring was during the movie nights. And in my defense, some of the movies were sleepers.

He would fall asleep during movie night. And we would just hear, and I would be like, yes. He's like, I was like, just checking, making sure that was Woody that's asleep. Yeah, he's asleep again. I was like, can be awake him? Or like, because like we're supposed to be doing, we're going to review this at the end. Like, we didn't know he was asleep. and then ask him like comprehensive questions

and see if he makes stuff up. He didn't even make it to the part where they say nine rings are gifted to the race of men. We were in Chicago, me, Woody, and Chis, and a bunch of people. And I think we had played paintball all day. And to be fair, Woody was in his 40s, later 40s maybe.

You know, and he was tuckered out. And we went, we decided to go watch a movie. Ted 2 was out, I think. Yeah. That's a stinker. He didn't make it through the previews. They were still like,

coming soon to a theater near you. And I hear, it was so bad. I'd wake up for a little bit, ask Kyle who a character was and fall back to sleep. Which one's the bear? That's Mark Wahlberg. no Matt Damon's not in this

did you drink my old Pepsi yeah like people turning around like people turning around oh it's all true it's great like like you know

you get a little older you get a little tuckered out like like I've been maybe it's because my sleep schedule's a little worse or maybe it's because I'm not taking like a ton of caffeine these days. But I get tuckered out around 10 p.m. And I'll be drifting off during like a movie, me and my girlfriend are watching. And I'd be like, I'm going to have to finish this one tomorrow. Not going to make it through.

I rented Mortal Kombat the other day, made it three quarters of the way through, and then forgot to watch the last quarter and the rental expired. So now I don't know how it ends. I have no idea if we saved Earthdown. You forgot to watch. You are getting old. Well, look around. That's a spoiler.

I guess Johnny Cage came through for us actually. Yeah. All right. That was pretty good. It's like a movie I'm even semi-interested in is on. I can't fall asleep during it. I have to turn it off because I'll just drag through exhaustion because I need to know how it finishes. And so I just got to turn it off and go to bed.

That's why I fall asleep with TV shows like that I've seen before. So it's like, oh my goodness, a Luann episode. Turn that way down, way down and fall asleep. You know what I fall asleep listening to. It's the same thing every single night. I go to my YouTuber John Michael Gaudier and I listen to him talk about space and speculative science and stuff like that. And he's got such a deep, calming voice. Like people accuse him of being AI sometimes and so he'll talk funny to like make you see that it's not an AI.

That's not the guy that sort of speaks about space in this way. No, this is an American guy. He's an author and a futurist. He's written a few books. I think his books are about AI. Can't anyone be a futurist? Just be like it's going to get bananas. Well, he's made a career.

He's made a career of it. He's going to get fit in the past. He just. You guys can't even imagine. Tell us about it. You're not ready. Like, He'd probably be a pretty good guest.

He has his own podcast, and he interviews a lot of, like, intellectuals and, like, professors and scientists. They're about, like, hard fact stuff about quantum physics and cosmology and stuff. Like, he'll have a lot of professors and authors on. I really like his channel. It does put me to sleep, but that's in a good way. Like, I don't know, he's got a very soothing, like, deep-ins. Dude, I would love to have a... space intellectual on this show

just to be like, space, what's that about? Stars, they can't possibly be as hot as they say. They melt. Stars were that hot, they melt. Every single response, you're like, I don't know.

Just bothering him. What did I say earlier? like I've never heard that before or not according to not to my knowledge I don't ask leading questions to like only disprove things you've told me Kyle I'd be like Neptune

definitely a planet right like oh indubitably only a retod would say otherwise I guarantee he would somewhat co-sign at least my reasoning for like why that the planets are being judged like with different

criteria and it doesn't seem fair. Right now, for a limited time, everyone's part of the Buick team, even you. Buick's employee pricing for you event is on now. Get a purchase credit of up to $3,168 on a 2026 Buick Envision. Surround yourself with signature Buick refinement from an available massaging driver's seat to an expansive panoramic moonroof and a stunning ultra-wide 30-inch diagonal screen. Don't miss Buick's employees. employee pricing for you event visit buick.ca for more details yeah oh man we need to we need to book one of

these guys we need to make this happen this would be so funny I guarantee he'd agree with me just like how fast can you go and just no matter what the answer just be like no you personally until he gets his top running speed like 13 miles an hour And like I ask all the questions with tented fingers. Like hypothetically, if one were to go, say, three miles an hour faster than the speed of light, what would occur? Oh, well, he would know that the math says you would go backwards in time. And then I would ask, what if you went five miles an hour faster than speed? He would leave.

Yeah, you get faster to be late. Time goes backwards. And I would respond to his answers. And I'd be like, as I suspected. Just as I thought. Yes. My math says the same. Yeah, yeah.

That's what I came up with my calculations as well. That Einstein, he knew what he was talking about. Yeah. I ran some number. My calculator says boobs. You've been short-changed. Boobbies. Oh, ho.

Boobless. Now, biggest numbers, a big topic. What's the biggest numbers that you can think of? I'm not going to tell you mine. I want to wait to see yours. Then you add a one. I'm surprised you said that. I can think of at least three more.

We've got to get one of those guys. That would be so fucking funny. I'm having fun imagining this. I mean, that guy is my favorite, but I wouldn't want to troll him because I really like him. Like, he's one of the YouTubers I watch where I really dig this guy. I like his sense of humor. I like how he talks about this stuff. I'm really into it.

Well, it wouldn't all be troll. No, I just only troll. You just troll. Yeah, probably just troll. What's the biggest number you can think of? It's a big topic. Hold your hats for this one. A lot of people been talking about this.

I've gotten a lot of Twitter suggestions for the biggest number. You joke, but that'd be an interesting topic because not that there's a, you know, like, name the biggest number you think of, but there are different. It would, though, because the biggest number is going to be. We need to tackle it then. it would be because there are different quantities of infinities not all infinities are created equal that'd be funny to be like

and like some of these big numbers I can't even fathom 400 like actually as I think about it I'm not sure what the biggest number I can think of is I know quadrillion's a real number

septillion as well octillion I was wondering what penta was like is it penta pent Pentillion. Pentillion. Pentillion. And then you got sextillion, octillion, non-illian, decillion, un-decilian, duetil.

Yeah. But you could also go. I'm not sure the ones after decillion were real. You could just say, look up undecillion. You could just add to the power. You could say 100 to the quintillionth power. You know, that's what. I know there's that like meme math number, a Googleplex, which is a Google to a power of a Google, right?

Yeah. It's not Google though, it's close to it. It's like Gugaplex or something. Oh, Googleplex? Yeah. Yeah, it's one followed by 100 zeros. And don't they say that's like more atoms than even exist by our estimation? Really?

We don't know how many atoms exist. Another good question. It's... How many thumbs are there? Be specific. Yeah, like I was saying earlier, in the observable universe, there's two trillion galaxies, and each galaxy has one to 400 million stars. I think it's 100, one, it could be billion, though. I think it's million.

I think it's 100 to 400 million stars per galaxy times two trillion galaxies. A Googleplex is the ones we can see. It's closer to the power of a Google. It's closer to Google than I thought. It's, wow, I thought it was. Oh, a Google. is one followed by a hundred zeros. G-O-O-G-O-L.

Googleplex is a Google followed by to the power of Google? Yeah, that's a really big number. A typical book printed with 1 million zeros around 400 pages with 50 lines per page and 50 zeros per line. Therefore, it requires 10 to the 94th such books to print all the zeros of a Googleplex.

If each book had a mass of 100 grams, of them would have a total mass of 10 to the 93rd kilograms, which would be bigger than Earth. Dude, even there's simple, like, oh, the number of books this would take is a number you can't fathom. The weight of it is a number you can't fathom. Yeah.

That's too many books. We shouldn't do it. It doesn't do it. It looks way more than the planet. Just burning the rainforest on some weird dictator's quest. to print enough books. What would you ask a physicist, Jordan?

God. See, this is the whole thing. I know, yes, thank you for the pants, fingers, everybody. It's going to be very intellectual. I don't really know what a physicist does. No. I don't really know anything about this. Don't get me started. If you can you the pencil, please, yes.

What is it that you do here? So the benefit figures down is you guys employing him. Like is that? Yeah. It's why we have this. How fast would an Apple have to go to destroy life on Earth?

Oh, there's a YouTube channel for that. Is it XKCD? They do stuff like that sometimes. Yeah, there's a YouTube channel where they show you what it happened if various objects moving at the speed of light were to hit the earth. There was a particle that hit the earth.

the earth, they detected, and I think the 90s, and then it happened again in like 2010, and they think it was like a proton, so like a subatomic particle hit the earth at like 99.9% the speed of light, and they said it hit with the power of a baseball going 100 miles per hour, but it's a proton, and they can map back where it came from, and so that sort of thing would happen naturally by like a supernova or a collision of two stars or like a neutron star, exploding or something like that, some crazy catastrophic event deep in space. But when they track it back, the region of space that it came from is a void. There's nothing there.

That's one of my favorite little space mysteries of like who's why are their part of come from somewhere further away that we can't even see yet. We can see all the way. No. Really, really, really, really far. Not the whole way. Well, that's the question, isn't it? like whether the universe is infinite or not or if there's an end to it.

Kept me up many nights. Yeah. I mean, doesn't it? You've never thought about that. Pondering the cosmos. Do you not? Do you not ponder the cosmos? I think about it all the time.

Like whether the universe could be infinite or not, the idea of infinity. Like, I love little, like, thought, thoughts like that. But then I'll jump back to reality and be like, you know what? I will get the Kaniak combo. Double bread. Keep that cold flour. What is the caniac combo? It's the biggest size they have at Raising Cains with the chicken tenders.

Oh. Where it's like, you know what, this isn't a box combo kind of day. This is a chicken's not even that good. It's all about that soft. What the hell is a caniac outside of a Carolina Hurricanes fan? What is the other context?

Raising Cains is the restaurant. I don't know if they have, maybe they don't have that where you are. It's like a chicken tender drive. through restaurant and they basically just have chicken tenders that kind of tastes a bit like chick filet except they don't even i don't even know if they do sandwiches they're crispy than chick yeah it's close to xxby's uh it's all right it's okay yeah yeah that's nothing wrong with it but it's also like every time it's like a it's like a humiliation ritual for their employees

like like at chick filet they're like have a have a blessed day or whatever the fuck they say are like can i refresh your drink just polite things i'll like pull through the drive-thru at Raising Cains when I do that. Like, I go rarely because I don't think it's that great. Culvers is around. And they'll be like, like speaking through a gun in his mouth being like, hey, hey, hey, it's a wonderful day at the Caniac combo meeting place. And I'm like, you don't have to do that, brother.

You don't have to you. You don't have to five me as I take my food. They're pretty, they're pretty nice at Bojangles. They say, welcome to Bojangles. It's Boat Time. Can I take your order? And I'm like, it's always Boatime. Let's do this.

I remember they've got a bow combo that comes with a half a gallon of sweet tea. Like it slides into the carton of chicken. Like it fit like a half a gallon of sweet tea fits into the box. And it's one entire unit of like chicken biscuits, gravy inside. Nice. And a half a gallon of tea. It's like one pack. It's pretty awesome.

We don't have Bojangles here. Their breakfast is their like main thing. Their breakfast is tremendous. Are there. Someone in my family. John Silvers. We got Long John Silvers, but most of them are out of business at this point. Captain Dees sucks.

But that's what I'm like, surely that sucks, right? It's okay. But surely chained fish and chips. It's okay. So, you know what you're getting. They've got the bottle of malt vinegar there. So like, I don't know if Australians do the malt vinegar on fish and chips, but I love it. Like, I douse my fish in that malt vinegar and like, it could be rubber that I'm eating and it would taste good.

I really like malt vinegar. Yeah, vinegar solves a lot of problems. Without malt vinegar, it would probably be not great. It really does the saving there. I get the stuffed crabs there, though. They've got like the... That's insane. That's an insane order from a fast food place.

Dude, I'll go and I'll get... I've only gotten sick once. I've only gotten sick once, and it was worth it. It was worth it. Dude, they've got the stuffed crab, and it's, you know, it's the crab shell. It comes the crab shell, and then they've taken the crab meat out, They've mixed it with like bread crumbs and like onions and tasty seasoning. And then they've stuffed it back into the crab and baked it.

And they're like $2 a piece. It's like, how many y'all got? Yeah, I'm the fucking cart sauce on those things and eating them with my spork. I love those things. Those are, it's risky business though. Although I've had oysters from Long John Silver, so that's got to be worse. God damn. No, no, I mean, red lobster.

No, I've had raw oysters from Red Lobster before. I like bread lobster. Everyone acts like it's terrible. I think that restaurant's great. And I remember it being a decent value, but I haven't been in ages. Snow crab legs. Oh, okay. My dad always got the admiral feast.

Yeah. Do you want garlic bread or how many you got? No, I want the biscuits. I want the cheesy biscuits. That's what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. But yeah, the cheesy biscuits, that stuff is amazing. And you can, they don't tell you this, but you can dip it in the lobster butter and it gets even better.

You shouldn't have said that. They don't tell you for a reason. They sell those biscuits in a box and I get them from time to time and they're amazing at home too. They're really good. I've made those at home. Sad times. Well, you don't eat them as like a main. Really, really, really staring into the abyss times.

They're not that bad. Main cheddar biscuits. No, but it's like, it's like, I don't need dinner. I can just eat a whole box of Cheddar Yeah, I'm gonna pack it back up. La Dida. Like, no, it only makes like eight biscuits.

That's a lot of biscuits. I like them though. They're really fucking things. It's like light work. It's not even an appetizer. Yeah. You guys talked about the Chick-fil-A employees. I see them differently now.

Like, every time you go to a Chick-fil-A, the employees are like good-looking, they're polite. they look like they come from money. I have a family member that works at Chick-fil-A, but she's the cow. And the cool kids inside through a party, and they don't like her, and they didn't invite her to go to the cool kids

chick-fil-A party because she's just an outdoor cow person, and they excluded her. And now I don't think the same way about the Chick-fil-Airs. Do they moo at her? Not my knowledge. I have questions. Do you know how much she makes? How much money did she make is the cow?

She doesn't get very many hours, so she's not earning enough, but I don't know the hourly rate that you're actually looking for. Yeah. Does the costume have teats? It does, and it's really hot inside. Oh, I knew that. I've actually never seen anybody outside with the cow costume before. I've never seen a cow. I've been to a lot of Chick-fil-A's many times. Did she have a drive-thru?

Or is she outside with a sign, like on the curb? I think it's the drive-thru. She works the drive-thru. She doesn't take orders or, like, pass out that iPad, does she? She doesn't talk to people, no. Yeah, yeah, she just entertainment. Holding a sign that says, Eat More Chicken, Mispelled.

Very playful. Oh, yeah. Like, I think Chick-fil-A started in Atlanta. So those signs were a part of my childhood. Like, that's always been a thing here. Does Australia have Chick-fil-A or no? No. We've got McDonald's.

We've got KFC. We have very limited Taco Bill. These are like fosters. These are the fast food chains we export. You're missing the good ones. Yeah. That's what I'm always thinking.

Like, man, I had Popeyes once and, like, that changed my life. And I was like, why the hell do we get KFC and no Popeyes? It's clearly the superior. We keep that for ourselves.

No, but then you give it to Singapore and all this. That's the most annoying part of it. It's like, well, it's two good for. for us? Do you guys not have like Australia's on the window looking at it?

Do you guys not have like a homegrown Australian really good fast food place? People around them. Good is stretching it, but I really like it because of how plain and salty it is, but it's called Red Rooster and that's all we have. Oh, and I think that we invented Sizzler or something. Maybe I'm wrong.

Really? Orded or something. I don't know. Something about that. I mean, we held out on Sizzler for a very long time. right when it was clearly this is not a profitable venture just allowing pigs to come in and gorge you to trough for $12 you cannot do this do you guys have Outback Steakhouse as a meme but you have everything and then you see it it it exists it barely though barely you don't like is it kind of shameful going there as a real Aussie yeah actually now they think about it it is kind of weird walking into an Outback Steakhouse yeah they're doing

Why are there American license plates on the wall? I love it. When you walk in there, it has a smell. There's an Outback Steakhouse smell that's tasty. I think it's a combination of that brown bread and the fried onions and just whatever that steak seasoning they use. I love Outback Steakhouse. It's my favorite chain like Steakhouse place. I like it more than Texas Roadhouse.

That surprises me. I feel like Texas Roadhouse is kind of the king of the chain steaks. I think if I was going to get a ribeye, maybe I'd do the Texas Roadhouse, but I always get the filet mignon from Outback, and it's always tremendous. Like, it's not Mortons or anything, but it's like a high-quality filet. It's super tender and tasty. It's like six or eight ounces. They'll do a six-ounce and a nine-ounce.

But I like the onion, obviously. I know y'all don't, but it's all about that sauce you dip it in. And then the Aussie cheese fries with that rindexam. Ranch sauce. Nothing more Aussie than ranch sauce. You want your slay mignon to be, Taylor. I usually don't get filets because they don't come in like really high ounces. But usually like I want at least like a 14 ounce steak or something.

12 at minimum. I think eight is good in a filet mignon. And I know I'm like you. When I order it, give me like a 16 or something outrageous. Yeah. But by the time I finish my eight, and have a like a baked potato with it. It's true.

But like sometimes you just eat because it tastes good. Like you're not even hungry anymore. Sometimes you do that? Do you know? Whoa, that's weird. What an odd concept. You're telling me

and you eat the flavor. Only only well I guess sometimes could be all the time. You know. And sometimes. you grab the 21 ounce porterhouse. Sometimes you grab that.

That's like two steaks and one. I like a, if I'm going to get a fancy steak, I'll probably get like a bone-in Cajun ribeye or a strip steak or something with a bone in. I always like that. I like when it comes out like a big tomahawk steak, like something ridiculous. Whenever I go to Mortons, I always get something kind of weird. When I go to a super nice steakhouse, like 801 chop house or something,

I'll get like an 18 ounce like Saratoga ribai like something nice and moist and delicious but that place is a bit of a ripoff they're like we don't give you sides you got to order a fucking $20 side of

roasted Brussels sprouts and if you want that and it's like of course I want those well yeah at a nice steak everything's like all a cart or whatever you know like like add-ons and stuff that's how Morton's is I love Morton's like we used to

still never been I don't think we have one. It's fucking true. Have you ever been to Ruth's Chris? Yeah, not as good as 801 chop house. I bet you have one of those there. I don't know about the 801 shop house. Maybe. I actually may have went to that for my birthday last year. I remember I got a flight of filetes. Like it was like three different kinds of filet mignon and then they brought like three different kinds of fancy salt to put on. There was like volcanic salt and some sort of pink salt and then like probably just salt, something like that. That was really good. good. I just like a good steak. But Morton's sides are so decadent and fat filled that you get

the grotton potatoes and it's just like, God, how much cream and butter is in here? And everything's like that. They do a seafood sampler. So fucking good. They've got the crab meat just, they've pulled the crab meat out. They've just got a bowl of crab meat there to eat. And then like huge shrimp, raw oysters. I wouldn't like that. I like with crab, I like the jar. Lobster. You know. know. Yeah, I know you do. Yeah. I like cracking. Yeah. You don't, Jordan. You don't like the, you know, the feeling of achievement. No. Oh, God, I hate the feeling of achievement because what have you won? What have you won when you have a crap? Diary. A lot of that. That's a win in itself. Yeah. Got something to do that day. I would rather have crap in something. Like, I really like crab linguine,

like something. Yeah, that's great. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that works. I like cracking it. I like cracking it and like way more than the cakes. I like crab cakes. Because the cakes, there's a lot of other stuff in there. With cracking the crabs, you just get the crab. With crab cakes, I think a lot of times they're store bought and they try to pass it off as if the restaurant made. Oh, yeah, I bet.

You're probably right. Yeah, those crab cakes are, I've never had one that knocked my socks off. And I've tried many. Like, every time I have one, I'm like, oh, this is why I don't get crab cakes. This is a worst version of crab. When I'm at a nice restaurant that might actually make them well, like I never want to stray from the traditional steak and baked potato and salad route.

Like I've never had like the fish or chicken from a nice restaurant because it seems silly. It's like we're here. We're about to spend $120 a plate or something like that. Like I'm not getting chicken. Yeah. And I want that. I just know everybody else is going to be eating like a big. sizzling like piece of beef from Texas or Wyoming or something and I'm going to be

a chicken from a chicken house somewhere. Yeah. And sometimes they're like it's the whole bird and it's like I'm going to sit here like a like I'm at medieval times and just tear into this thing like an animal like no everybody else is using forks and knives. I'm not going to embarrass myself with a greasy face eating like I was just giving my last meal in the Tower of London. all right yeah jordan where can everybody find you all your stuff your dates whatnot you can find me in friendly jordy's you can find uh the dates that i'm in america friendly jordy's live and um that's it that's all you can find me at i'm not very good at social media find them there

thank it out pka 812