Painkiller Already - PKA 814 W/ Christopher Michaels: Adult Body Painting Stories

Episode Date: July 25, 2026

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only on Hulu on Disney Plus. PKK 814 with our guest, Christopher Michaels, Taylor. This episode of PKK is brought to you by Audible, lock and load, our merchandise. Chris, always great having you on, especially nice when we can hear all those great words coming out of your back. Always great to be here. I appreciate y'all's patience with my past audio issues. they don't resurface today. I'm sure they won't. Yeah. And you're not even in the top 10.

There's probably a top 10, like, highlight out there of like the worst guests we've had. I keep a list just in case I go off the rails. Yeah. I'm going to hunt them down. All right. Good to know. I'm not on the top 10 versus guest list ever. The guy in the back of the Uber with the phone is probably number one. Oh, my God. He's like, yeah, what's up with you guys? Left here.

And then like, just. Yeah. Only used me, Blade? That one was bad. Yeah, he was... I don't remember Blade being bad. Was he bad because he had gone shopping for like an ear pod or something right before the show. And that's all he had, like a phone or something and some ear-based microphone.

What are we doing? What are we doing? I think that's how I rocked it. The first time I was on here, that's what I was rocking. I had like some borrowed earbuds and a phone. It was pretty bad. Yeah. You said you're living like real.

close, or real close, hour and a half from Vegas now. Yeah, man. Over there often. No, not yet. No, we're pretty, we're rocking pretty hard here in Utah. But yeah, I moved out about a month ago, came out for, been working with Matt's off-road recovery and more unsupervised for a couple of years now. I've seen some of their videos.

It was a lot of fun. I think I have anyway. Do they, like, is his dad also an off-road recovery? And they have, like, really strong off-road, like, they recover stuff other people can't. Oh, exactly. Yeah, the dad is actually Matt and then his sons work with him. And I'm actually one of the only non-family members there. But yeah, Matt and I got to be friends years ago and just started hanging out and doing stuff. He had me come out and like compete in the off-road games, which is kind of this off-road Olympics they do every year. And I started emceeing that.

And then we just started, I took him on a cannonball run. We just started doing crazy stuff. And I was just out here so much. They were like, dude, why don't you just like work here? You're here anyway. And I'd had a real job in like 25 years. So I jumped on. It's a lot of fun. They're great people. They are you know, unlike a lot of TV folks I've met, like they are 100% real life as they are on camera. They're good to each other. Is there enough off-road recovery to keep them busy all the time? There is. Because you guys have to see this stuff.

It's guys who are in real pickles, you know, the tide is coming up or maybe that's not a perfect example in Utah. But, well, yeah, yeah, the sand tide. But absolutely, there's a waiting list. I mean, a lot of these jobs we do have been. been out there for a couple of years. And so like we go like in the last two weeks, I've been almost to Mexico and almost to Canada, both borders, like all over. The job done in Arizona were like two cars have been stolen and abandoned way out in this

national forest. Nobody could get them out. And then the one up in Canada, a gentleman unfortunately went off like an 800-foot cliff. And unfortunately, he did not make it. But, you know, the car is still up there and just kind of get some closure for the family. We went out and retrieved the car. So there's a lot of that kind of stuff. They don't charge for any of it.

So we're just kind of getting cars out of riverbeds. We're actually the process of building. Do it all for content? All for content. Yeah. Do not charge anybody. I mean, if they're jerks,

we might hit them up for gas money or something. But, you know, when you're talking about moving a half a dozen people and four vehicles, a thousand miles and staying overnight, I mean, these recoveries are pretty expensive, but the channel pays for that.

You know, the videos pay for that. And it just lets them kind of, there are, you know, we're right here near San Hollow Park, state park, which is a really big off road area.

a lot of sand dunes. And there's always somebody out there jumping a side by side and breaking the suspension or flipping a Jeep over or something. You know, the fun ones are like, you know, Bert and Ethel and their RV. And like Bert's convinced that this trail is like the road to the campground. And they've just completely beat some RV like on a beat some play. Yeah, those are pretty funny. But we get all kind of stuff.

Is any of the content at all staged and tell the truth? Because here's what I saw. I saw the sun going to recover someone. And he gave it a good try. And he didn't look incompetent at all. but he just couldn't do it. Maybe his vehicle wasn't as, I don't know, capable as his father's. So then his father comes over the hill like it's fucking minestriest.

Do I have this right, Taylor? I don't know. Where does Gandalf come? Yeah. Look, I call it out a win. Well, actually, that would be Helms Deep. Yeah, when Gandalf came over. Oh, yeah.

So Gandall comes over the ridge and that's dad who's got this, like, super capable thing. And they did, do you think it really played out like that or it's a bit kind? Oh, it does. You know, I mean, Matt has a tremendous amount of experience doing this. He built all these trucks. You know, his kids are super capable. They're super great kids. But, you know, they're still learning it.

So a lot of times it's just, you know, Matt grew up here. So he's got 50 years of experience out here. So, yeah, he just knows the trick. And when you got a monster truck, it's pretty easy. Like, you know, we're out there in a Jeep Cherokee trying to pull something out. And then he comes over in some four-wheel steer, you know, big block international harvester. I think's a piece. So, yeah.

But none of it stays. It all happens just as it does. The one I saw? There you go. Oh, yeah. That's the hat belonging to the. The fella, he got ejected about halfway down the mountain, and I found his hat on the rappel down to his truck. So I was ever returned that hat to his wife.

And that was that was a guy's special. I had a hat. And they all told me it was a cowgirl hat. I don't see what this cool hat. No, it wasn't it? I was cool. Wasn't it? No, the one he was holding?

Wasn't that a big? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was like a ball cap. Oh, I didn't notice. I had his hands. I'm crazy. I was looking at the hat and his head. You thought he found the.

Gamble glass. Oh, no. I was out of the car. That's hilarious. His vision is based on movement. Woody, you thought that he went down the mountain, he found the dead guy's cap,

and he's like, look at me! He's wearing it now as a trophy? He was probably like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to do that way out.

But no, no, the girly cowboy had his mind. The, the camouflage ball cap that belonged to Bill there. What are your hat was not nearly this masculine?

Not at all. I'm just, I'm running, they're trying to, truck shop hats but but yeah bill was bill was hard like a wild west madam or something like that that's the look i've been going for for years nobody ever picks up on it so i appreciate you recognize i like your hats yeah yours are yours are masculine cowboy-esque wild west i have found that you can get away with so much more stuff in a cowboy hat it's like the opposite of a hoodie like a hoodie you're

kind of like i'm up to no good i'm a bad guy but the cowboy hat's like hey i'm a big dumb ass whatever i'm doing is obviously okay. You can just walk through security, go backstage, go to the infield. If you got like a somewhat confident stride in a cowboy hat, they just assume, well, no way you would try to get away with something in a cowboy hat. You can't hide into that thing. Yeah. So it's like the opposite of a hoodie. I get away to all kind of stuff. An extra layer is you could have like a clipboard too and like walk around backstage and things because then they would think like the clipboard tells me is important and the cowboy hat tells me he's so good at being important that they let him just ride with however it looks.

High Viz best. I don't even. I bet. Alboy hat. High Viz best. Clipboard and we carry a ladder. We can get into the White House. Absolutely.

And I've got the head cap still in my mouth as if like I don't have a fucking second for you to stop an ass. Oh yeah. Frustrated. You're very upset. Like that makes you look like. You don't see this hat is very similar. And they all tell me. I've got a hat.

I've got a similar hat to that. I'll love it. Right. Yeah. A little. A little. Yeah. hurt anyone? That's the hat. Yeah.

You're the Rhinestone Cowboy? Yeah. That's me. That's me. Trying to be. Totally. I take my shade with me. I bought it for my tractor. They all said, you look nice, ma'am. Did like you, I think you were mowing your lawn once and then some of those, like a Nelson from your neighborhood.

Like, ah, ha. You just take it off meekly. Oh, that's happened to him before. Tell that story, Woody. I was just spending quality time with Colin. We had these electric skateboards and we're going around the neighborhood. And these 12-year-olds, like, laughed and pointed at us. I think they yelled nerd. And it's like, I'm 50.

This is supposed to happen anymore? Was there anything in you that was like, I could beat the shit out of them kids? No, it was more like this. Like, I have seen 50-year-olds try to chase 13-year-olds before. doesn't look good. It's not a good look. You don't catch them. You just stumble. Have you tried to run full speed lately? You might fall forward. It could happen. I like to picture you like later that evening. Jackie's already fallen asleep. You're watching walking dead and you're just like not a nerd. What's wrong? I'm not a nerd. I came back to you later with an infrared scope. There's a there's a tale I like a lot that is got his guy called a fat electrician. He does kind of of mainly like military stories, great storyteller.

But he had this one, there was some regiment or a bit or platoon or something they put together back in World War II. It was a bunch of guys that were like 30s and 40s. And, you know, the, it was kind of a test at first to see like, okay, if we burn through all the teenagers, will the older guys, can they survive in combat? So they put this, I don't know, a couple thousand guys, what are battalion, whatever side. I don't know the military sizes. Anyway, this battalion of guys, when they started doing like war games against all the teenagers,

expecting them to just get slayed. But these guys had like real life skills. And they just, they were having to feel. I mean, they were stealing the young guys' jeeps, getting on their radio frequencies, stealing their supplies, pranking them. Like, old age and treachery trump's youthful exuberance anytime. Like, these guys absolutely slated. They went to like Iwo Jima or somewhere.

And like they were like, they were like the most decorated group like ever. I mean, they really killed it. Even though we're old and out of shape, you know, we can outsmart them. That's nice because, I mean, if you're my age, then you know every time you watch sports, they're like, this guy is a medical miracle to even be playing. It's like he is 14 years younger than me. What would they say about me? Oh, he's 38. Oh, I got.

They're doing 50-year-old quarterbacks these days. 55-year-old quarterbacks. That can't be true. You're talking about Philip Rivers? He's like 45, isn't it? How old was Kurt Warner? Both good questions, but I doubt their aid starts with five.

I know it does. You're one sack away from like your life being ruined. Oh, I'm wrong, I think. Yeah, I was going to double my bet that you probably haven't paid yet. I haven't paid it yet. I'm sorry. I don't log in PayPal much. I'll get that done. I do owe you $5.

Although, as Connor tweeted, which is pretty official, should be a no contest and all bets should be returned. dude like some part of like like no matter who it was like like removed connor from the equation like you know it does feel i don't know what the definition of a no contest is i really don't like i've seen me too i've seen like sometimes there's an illegal knee and and i don't know if it's going to be a no contest or a dq it seems like they flip a coin and decide but like

that seemed like a no contest there wasn't really a contest he he injured himself you know, like, like, it's not like Max. If Max had kicked his knee and done that, I'd feel totally different. Like Max. All that's true, but like, let's say hypothetically Max poked him in the eye and Connor couldn't continue early in the fight. That'd be a no contest. For Connor to go out there and be incapable of fighting, well, that's a loss.

Which is he's just, he's speaking span. There's never been anyone has washed. I don't think there's a single boy on the UFC roster who couldn't walk Connor McGregor. I think you could beat some of the women, but not only the guys. He beat up all the women. Not that night. That night he'd lose to every single fighter in the UFC roster. Well, don't try to kick Amanda Nunez in the head, and I think he smokes her.

Just stay on the feet, dude. You don't need to kick her. Just box her out. I think he, Chandler, I think the Michael Chandler fight still makes sense. And I feel bad that Chandler didn't get his red panty night and waited for two and a half, three years or whatever it was and wasted the end of his career way. And I mean, shit, I'd watch Tony Ferguson fight him too. I don't think he's on the O.C roster.

He's not. Yeah. But yeah. I don't follow fighting, but like, didn't those, like this last big round of title fights or something ended in like just a few seconds or something? People were paying like 50 and 60 grand receipts and the match was over in like 20 seconds or something. It's a streamer I watch who was there. He paid $8,000 for his tickets. And now they just mock him online ruthlessly.

Wow. It was a great not of fights. Like, like, obviously the main event. So what happened, Christopher is Connor McGregor returned to the sport after like many years of being away. And it was his huge media moment. It was, I think 16 million people were tuning in to watch it. They sold out the stadium in a record numbers. And the seats were like record number expensive too.

And then he ran out, tried to throw like a big crazy karate head kick. And when he landed on his landing knee, he blew his knee out. And that happened like 40 seconds into the fight. So the fight ended 40 seconds after that when they realized this guy's crippled. And nothing really happened. Oh, man, that's a bummer. I mean, a bummer for him, man, bummer for people that paid $8,000 for, I can't even imagine what I would do if I had $8 grand with the disposable income. But it would not be a convicted rapist.

So I'm not pouring my heart out for this guy too much. I'm not sure that's legally accurate. Well, that's definitely not cool. He was found civilly liable of sex assault. I googled it. And they said that after he lost. lost his appeal, he became an official convicted rapist. Wow, okay, not cool.

But it was civil court. I don't know how that works. I also don't know. That's why I looked it up. Was it real Google or was it that thing that tells you just like first where it's like. I actually used AI. I think I used chat GPT and just called it Google. You're like asking you're like, he's a rapist, right?

You're absolutely right, Woody. Carter McGregor has done some inappropriate things. Some would say he's a naughty boy, as Kyle's put it. He's been a little rambunctious, you know. Nobody would argue with that. But I'm not sure that there, like there was some questions about that case. I sent you a video the other day via text that was like sort of defending Connor McGregor's case in that thing and pointing out some inconsistencies in her story and some things that she did that don't make sense. I don't know what happened.

And I don't know what civil court is like in a number. other country either. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I don't know. But I wanted to ask, like, this got lost. We were talking about that guy who fell down the mountain in his car. Did they, I understand wanting his hat back, because that's like a personal thing, a personal effect. They really wanted the, the car back, because all I would be thinking about is like he died in here. Well, no, no. They didn't want the car back. Yeah, they didn't want the car back itself. And they've done some other rescues before I came along that involved fatalities. It's more just closure for the family.

I mean, the car has been paid for by the insurance company. They get the car. I think it's just for the family knowing that the car is still out there. Like there was a job before I came along where like there was like a town up against a cliff. And like this for like 20 years, this truck was just like stuck on a cliff in view of the whole town. And every day this family went to school and church or whatever. They had to see their dad's truck just stuck on this cliff. And so it just kind of gives them, gives the family and loved ones.

closure just to know that it's kind of settled. You know, the car is still not out there with this phone charger in at that kind of thing. And so it's, it's real special to get to kind of, you know, to be able to give that to people. Does seeing all that make you a more cautious off-road driver, seeing like what can happen? Not really, no. I mean, these instances, I mean, these things all happened. Like, you know, somebody was going too fast for conditions or they went off like a highway off the road. And I don't know.

I mean, I guess every guy thinks they're a great driver. I mean, I've got a couple records to prove it. But still, it's... You do that thing where y'all launch the cars in Alaska or whatever, right? Yeah. Yeah, actually, this year was the first year. It did. This year was the first year I hadn't been in half a decade.

But yeah, that is a wild experience. If you ever get to go check that out. I saw the highlight video. They had some good ones. It was good. The fire was new. I've never seen any... I mean, in five years, I've seen any catch on fire.

That was a bonfire. And it burned that poor Hurs up, too. But the bummer, with the fire is that it's kind of like kind of this you don't really see this on camera but the Alaskans up there like they will scope out the cars the day before figure out for example like there's a truck going off that's got a motor that fits their truck with the blown motor they will be down there in the woods with like an engine stand and like toolboxes and like the moment the horn blows that that's over they rush the field I mean the fans of course are just tearing

headrest and anything they can get off the car hood on them and stuff as souvenirs but people go in there like they're getting tires they're getting engines transmissions they're part And like all those cars burned up. And like people were like counting on getting, you know, salvaging some stuff out of them. It was nutty. But they cleaned that place up, though. I've been there the afternoon after that event and you can't tell it even happened. I mean, they have raked up every car.

Some of the crashes that I see, I'm surprised that there's even in it that there's anything recoverable because I would think that the engine mounts are ripped off and the block is cracked. And so is the transmission. Yeah, a lot of times, I mean, yeah, we've had motors come completely out of. I'm up in the river or whatever. Yeah. I've seen the motor. Like, go flying there.

Totally. And it's kind of funny, like, how fickle it is. Like, last year, this 18 ban went off. It just sort of launched it,

kind of landed on the slope. It just coasted to do a stop. We could have all been in that van and gotten out that van. We could have been, like, in that van and gotten out and been fine. Now, the next car landed on top of it,

but the jump itself, like, it was an easy ride. And, yeah, sometimes cars are remarkably intact other times, nothing's left. Like, every single physical part of those car is just toast. It's really wild to watch.

But, like, to be there in person of what you don't get on the YouTube videos is just the impact. We've measured that cliff with a drone. It's like 408 feet. So, like, a 6,000 pound car from 41 stories in the air when it hits the ground, I mean, you feel it. It is like a concussion in your chest. It is, I've seen some of the red things up there.

I feel bad they launched that Barbie Corvette. Like, like, that seemed like. That's like a decent. Yeah, that was a cool one. You know, it's the cars are usually salvaged cars or they're stolen or there's some kind of salvage title where you can't register it again. I mean, sometimes people have launched some stuff that might could have been saved, but most of these cars are just basket cases. Even the ones we drive up from like Georgia and Florida, we'll drive them 6,000 miles up there. Even then, they're just falling apart.

We're safety wiring them and duct tape and zip ties. And, you know, it's the stuff we've done to keep cars. going to get there is hilarious. But it's a cool event, though. Yeah, this looks awesome. I've lived a Chevy cargo van one time with so much explosives that it broke the car back. Like the frame hit the ground,

and then the entire roof came off, and the sides peeled off, and the doors came on. And then it went up to the car on camera and started that bitch up. Roobo boop, boom, and I'm like, that's why you always buy a Chevrolet. Where did you put the explosives specifically?

Uh, somewhere in the middle. In the middle of the back. Like, uh-huh. Not, not by the front seats, though. Uh, I don't remember, but I don't remember. I, I blew a lot of them. I mean, it's probably on the video. Can we get, can we get some backstory here?

Like, like, you're just blowing up cars? That sounds pretty awesome. Like, what's the backstory with this? Tell me. I used to, I used to do a gun channel on YouTube, and I blew a lot of cars there. So I was a can write in. I'm going to blow them up and do that sort of thing. Cool.

Yeah, destruction is very satisfying. Like, you know, no matter how grown up in Arodite, I think we are, most of us are just at our base, just kids that wanted to destroy stuff. Like, it's so satisfying. How many times, Christopher, have you been in an upside-down car? Oh, gosh. Does it count cars that have been upside-down multiple times in the same role? That's going to count that as one.

Yeah. I would, now, off-road, it happens a lot. Like, I've been over 35 years. I've done a lot. So, I mean, that sort of thing. I mean, got to be probably close to 100 probably. I was off one time with some people and we were doing a night ride and we're driving along and I'm riding passenger. We roll off an obstacle. We roll like three times down this ravine. We're okay. We get out of the truck. We've got a roll bar and all that. So everybody stops. We get the winches out. Somebody drove down because there's kind of a little bypass trail. So we get the truck back on its wheel. Somebody's going to limp it back to camp. One of my buddies is like, hey, I know you know,

walk back up the hill you want to ride it with me yeah sure we go up the hill and he flips off the exact same obstacle and i go rolling back down to same hill again a different truck i was like that's it i'm walking uh it's it's it's it's surprisingly disorienting you know there's you know you kind of your brain just or at least my brain you kind of get scrambled as to like what's up and down and when you can sometimes you think you're not done you think you're stopped but you're still moving it's kind of weird yeah but like usually i know it's coming like i've done off-roading too i'm not I thought, I was like, I wonder if I've been upside down. No, mine's like eight or ten times.

So you smoke me. That's a lot, though. But like, in a lot of times you just flop it over. I mean, if I'm driving, I knew the wrist going into this. And I'm holding onto the wheel. I'm even giving my passenger instructions. If I'm the passenger, then cross your arms. Yeah, yeah.

We have, um, five-point harness. I'd have them hold the seatbelt. Yeah. Yeah. So, but yeah, it's fun to be upside down a little bit. My car wasn't, or I guess, car buggy, whatever. It wasn't great. it would leak some and I'd have to have extra fluids.

Yeah, that's why it scares me. It's like, of course, my rig's always been diesel, which isn't really like flammable, but I'm always like in other people's trucks. I'm always afraid we're going to catch on fire, you know, because they don't get the vent line. There's not a check ball there or something like that. But like rolling over off road, as you know, like, it's a lot different. Like if you're going down the highway and 45 miles an hour and flicker time to an intersection,

that is way more violent than like just like just like off road, like you said, you see it coming. You're just sitting there like, okay, maybe, maybe we got it. Oh, no. here we don't and you just kind of go boom and i did not see it coming on the highway in my defense i was asleep at the time so okay well that doesn't even count against you then that wasn't even you yeah that's a preemie poor engineer but i broke my arm and had some nerve damage and that's why i play video games with my feet but okay oh that's pretty gangster now the the thing i've seen some

people get hurt bad is like like when the truck goes over they'll instinctively grab the roll bar to stabilize themselves and then get like crushed fingers and thing like that, that's always pretty bad. Or the people who try to, like, help you and stop you from tipping outside the car. It's like, bro. I mean, sometimes it actually can't help because you're just tearing. But most of the time, it's not worth the risk. I'm ready for this.

Don't hurt yourself. Yeah. I watched the truck tumble down sort of ravine one time. And a buddy mine had his cousin there. Like, everybody was kind of like, they were foolishly like downhill from the truck on the intersection, on the obstacle. And it started rolling. And it was like a magic.

Like this guy's like running and the truck's like tumbling and the truck just lands right on top of him and just keeps rolling and the guy's gone. Like it's like he's like in a cartoon and then like we all kind of freeze and then he just pops up like he like fell in a hole right as the truck rolled over him. And it was like in a cartoon. And they just kind of prairie dogs up like I'm okay. And it just looked like it was like a magic trick. That's a great story. I thought he was going to be in the car like one of those tennis ball picker-uppers. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. But so with matched off-road recovery that I'm on right now, there's a blind girl on the channel, Caitlin. And Caitlin's only 19, but she's been doing, like, professional rock-crawling stuff since she was, like, 11. She's an amazing off-road driver and totally gangster. There was this video back. She was probably only 17th of the time.

She's up on some huge, like, rock and, like, Moab and just something happened to buggy rolls, like probably falls 15, 20 feet, rolls like two or three times. It's glens on its side. First thing you hear was, did somebody get that on camera? Like, no panic. Like, she's just such a gangster. Like, I've seen her have a truck. Like, like, it's already going over and she'll, like, kick it in reverse, like, as it's

going over and give it the gas and level it out. And she's really amazing. Like, I mean, I've driven off road my whole life, but these people out here are, like, professionals. And it's very humbling to, like, I mean, you know, we all, as men, we all think we know what we're doing. But then, like, seeing people who really, really know is, it's really cool. I've learned a lot just being here in a couple of weeks.

What's the most fun car to off road? because I know you said buggy. The rental car. Yeah. The most part. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, of all the rigs out there, the wrecker with the four-wheel steer is just cool. I mean, it's so capable.

It's got 54-inch tires with like 9-ton military axles and a big block and you can rear-steer it. It's just so capable and just so flexy. It's a really, really cool truck. I would have said a vehicle that's barely able to do the obstacle, right? Like, there could be some pretty mild stuff and a stock Tacoma. That's a good time. There could be some pretty extreme stuff in a four-wheel steering, you know, buggy of some sort.

And that's a good time. But when you get it wrong and the vehicle just makes the off-road park look lame, that's not fun. Yeah, we had an experience one time years ago. I mean somebody's mind up in North Georgia of this place called Bell Mountain. And it's a subdivision now, but it used to be this pretty gnarly trail, but kind of cracking the rock up the top people would camp. And we go up there, we probably spend four hours getting up the mountain. You know, we're winching and, you know, we almost rolled a truck. And these big, I mean, these ruts are, like, deeper than we are.

You're kind of straddling them and bridging gaps and stuff. We spend all day doing that. We get to the top. We set up camp. We're all a high-fiving each other. Oh, we're awesome. And, you know, we're drinking a couple beers, whatever, sitting around. And we see headlights coming up the trail.

And we're like, oh, man, you know, must be some other hardcore off-roaders. It's two rednecks and like a 79 Thunderbird. Like, they just, they just knew the secret. Anyway, anytime you think you're good, there's always somebody better. You know, they just roll up like they just knew every little crack to be in. It was hilarious. We were just expecting to be like a Unimog or some awesome truck and it's an old Thunderbird with two-gold boys.

Sometimes on the West Coast people do stuff that doesn't look possible. So on the West Coast there's sandstone, which is what it sounds like in this incredibly good traction. And yeah, guys drive up things that you wouldn't think you could drive up. If you went up it, you'd be on your hands and feet, your hands and knees, you know, trying to handle something this steep. and they drive up it and if they get the line just right it looks like a walk in the park oh yeah I've seen guys on like

hell's revenge and moab up there with like hot and gold wings and crown victorias and stuff yeah just sticking a lot of the rock crawlers will do though they'll fill the tires full of like 400 pounds of water and then that will lower their center of gravity so much they'll just be

stuck like on a side hill where it just defies physics and that's a pretty cool trick but yeah the grip out there is incredible don't fall on that though like I have like already like tripped a few times. Like, I'm just used to my feet skidding a little bit. And it's like one-to-one traction and I just eat it. It's, it's a different. And sand is very different too. The sand here, like growing up on the East Coast, we had like beach sand out like North Carolina, which is,

you know, it's court sand. It kind of locks together and it's got some sort of a surface tension. This sand is like cocoa powder. Like if you dropped your phone, it'd be a foot under and you just sink. It's like liquid. It's really bizarre. It's crazy. I've done it on a motorcycle. So prior to this, like you said, I went in the Outer Banks in North Carolina with a DRZ motorcycle DZ 400. And I'm just ripping around on the beach, having the time of my life. I'm a little sick. It's not even a problem. I'm just equal to the task.

And they tell me that this trail, the Southern California BDR, backroad discovery route, is the hardest of the discovery routes. And I'm like, all right, what's hard about sand? I can do that. I've done sand before. And they're like, no, no, no, it's deeper. It's different sand. Like what's deeper than the beach mother trucker? I'm hit.

This is hardly an issue. Well, it was hard work. I did get, I did fine. But man, like I be it like deep little 4,000 RPM churning, just making rooster tails moving forward, like two miles an hour, just throwing sand everywhere. It's a different experience and it's a blast. Yeah, the trick is just bald tires. Like we put. What?

I had like a paddle tires on. Well, paddle tires, if you've got enough speed and power to keep the sand moving, paddle tires will work. But like for something slow, just like bald street tires. Like we have a little Army Jeep, like a World War II Jeep, just the other day that we took the knobby tires off and put these like ag tires. They're just like smooth rib, you know, ones you put on like a hay baler. Put those on there. The way, like they need like a round bottom. But the way it works, like it just equalizes the surface tension on the sand completely and just gets, it's just friction traction.

Because, like, if you have, like, aggressive knobby tires and you don't have a lot of power to turn them, you're just going to break that surface tension to just dig and get stuck. But those bald tires, like, I've even seen guys, like out in the Outer Banks even, just some old dude, like, bald mailman tires on the S-10 going right around somebody with a G-wagon or something, because they just float on the top. And they just all that, every bit of tread block you have just breaks that surface tension and causes you to dig. And that little Jeep with those smooth tires on it, I mean, we were going up, like, sand dune, like, stopping, halfway up and just easing on out.

It was like pavement. It was crazy. I wouldn't have expected that. I bought new tires in Albuquerque just so I'd be at my best on my way over there. Well, I mean, something with the power to weight of a dirt bike, the paddle tires would be the way to go. But when you got something, it's like an old car, a little army Jeep with a 40 horsepower, you know, Iron Duke in it or something.

You know, those little things are just, yeah, the smooth tires are way to go. You can't get stuck because you can't dig in. But I see it. It sounds like fun. I want to try off-roading. Is it like paintball? I can just go to a course. They'll give me a car.

I can rent it. Like it's the version of a Tipman. Not in my world. Do you know? I mean, we have a tour company where you can rent like a side-by-side, like the ATV things and go out and ripping the dunes that way. I mean, there are rental places you can do it. I'm not sure what's on East Coast.

I don't know. They're definitely out there. I mean, you can do like deep rentals out in Moab and places like that. What's the place called where they let you? drive on the roads with illegal vehicles and the East Coast. Oh, it's like the two warring families.

Oh, yeah, the Hatfield-McCoy Trail. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they turn that into whole tourist industry. There's another version of that up in like the Upper Peninsula, Michigan and Minnesota, Wisconsin. What they do with snowmobiles. And yeah, you can go like drive trails to like the next town and go into town, eat dinner, go to the hotel, whatever. And yeah, the cops are cool with them taking ATVs. People do that out here. I mean, I'll go

the middle of town. Somebody's got like a four-wheeler at the bank. They're just like, I wouldn't try that in Raleigh. They'll chase you down. Yeah, they're pretty casual out here. But off-roading,

I mean, with San Hollow Park and so many of the other national parks around, off-roading is just kind of the thing here. So everybody's got dune buggies and off-road and dirt bikes and stuff. So it's pretty common. The restaurants thrive on it enough that the city kind of looks the other way because that's what gets everybody in the town spending money.

Makes sense. The real reason. Oh, okay. It seems akin to, like, the stuff you're into. We're done demolition derby? I've not, but Matt is really into it. And we are putting one on in October. We're having the smashing dash 250 up in Salt Lake City,

and we're putting on this, like, professional, like, demolition derby thing. It's really violent. Like, I've done a couple little small demolition derby things just with some friends, you know, but we're just like bald tires, spinning around the grass. These people are, like, hitting hard. It's violent. I want no part of that, man. Drive backwards the whole time, right?

Yeah, yeah, hitting backwards. And, like, I was looking at some of Matt's demolition cars. They put, like, one-ton truck axles and all these, like, body trusses inside and supports. These things are built for carnage. I mean, we've been out there and just, like, stock vehicles, which survive, like, 30 seconds. But these things are, like, full-float axles, and they do a lot of really, like, another thing. I noticed they run duct tape around the steering wheel, so it's like a disc, but you can't get your thumbs in it. So you don't get, like, hit and breaking thumbs off.

Yeah. But, yeah, they do it do to protect the driver. like they must make a shell of some sort for them in there right yeah there's there's a bit of a cage there but it's uh it's it's it's a glass out all the glass out of the cage out you know probably get anything to burns out of there put a fuel cell in it yeah full felt full helmet i assume do they mandate that oh yeah i mean i think the ogy guys probably still rock the the nil nascar helmet but yeah it's i mean the looking at it you would think 30% of the field would die every night but they all just walk out and yeah Yeah, you know.

They're hardcore. We had a race a couple weeks ago up in, well, North of here, one other channel put on, and a Crown Vic jumped, like, out of the race, like into the back of a van with some dudes, like, sitting in the back of the van. They basically caught it in the lap, you know. They got, they guys got hurt.

They were like, keep the race going, man, we're cool. Y'all told us not to park here anyway. They were just total homies. I mean, they were just like, don't let, don't stop it because of me, man. I mean, the fans are just, just, of rabbit. It's cool. Are there any full contact races that were you allowed to bump and pit maneuver?

Or maybe that just wouldn't work? There are versions of that I've seen. I don't know exactly where they are. I've seen like Pennsylvania, Michigan, that kind of area. A lot of stuff out here where they'll do stuff. They'll be on like a circle track and it'll be like they have to pull a boat trailer or they'll do like figure eight racing with like school buses and

a figure of the versions like. That is crazy. Oh, it's nuts. It's nuts. It's nuts. I saw one where it was like, like, you had a trailer. Like, it's like one guy is pulling a trailer and the other guy, like your teammate has to try to get their car into your trailer, but you're also trying to keep other people from getting into their trailers.

Oh, that sounds awesome. Trying to, like, count a trailer at full speed would be hilarious. Oh, yeah. That I can be down with, but they're just to ramming into each other. Like, man, I don't know. That just, like, every, I mean, I'm about turn 53. Just getting out of bed hurts. I think you could come up with a rule set, though, that would work for, like, Oval Track, like, limited, like, crashing into each other.

Like, I'm talking about more than rubbing. Like, maybe you could make it so that only certain people could interfere with other certain people. Maybe if you're a—the leaders can't fuck with the people behind them, but the people behind them can fuck with the leaders, but only in certain parts of the track. Or maybe you have to earn a bump or a rub or whatever. Like, I would— That's part of NASCAR is the crashes. like oh absolutely yeah it would be cool you can get like crowd participation in like i saw this thing with like formula e a while back a few years ago yeah exactly yeah the crowd can throw stuff or like the

crowd can like vote you in so like if you do a couple of risky ballsy moves you get like the thumbs up from the emperor where you get to like take somebody out or something you're on to something what if you add it okay so you add a couple different pathways just like a video game so there's the safe fast path there's the and then there's also a jump like if you opt in for the jump like you you earn a you get to take somebody out like yeah yeah totally

I like I like we we could light your cars up with LEDs on the outside and went and if you've got like we could make it green if you don't have the attack bar and red when it's always red he's red he's gonna take us out like like

oh yeah yeah I like that the LEDs are really awesome because yeah that would totally change the game this figure eight racing is so dang someone should stop this It stops itself. Yeah, I just saw, I think two people that there's a lot stopped. Yeah, there's one with school buses I've seen somewhere that is just people find a way.

So down it, I've been going to bike week for years. They used to be this thing out at the Deltown of Speedway. It was a motorcycle demolition derby, which is exactly what it sounds like. But it wasn't like competitors. They would just get drunk people out of the crowd and just give them like old motorcycles. And they were like the halftime show. They're just like, go kids. kill each other. Like the last dude, I mean, they're driving up each other's legs, and I don't know what

the prize was, a couple hundred bucks or something, but it was just like some junk bikes and some random drunk dudes in the crowd, and they would just let them have it. It was carnage. There was blood. There's a hell of a, like, T-bone collision in this video, Taylor just linked here in a few-year. Last 20 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. He knocked a fucking piss out of him. That guy's hurt. Ooh, there's some fire. Yeah. I can't believe, I mean, I wouldn't do that without a Hans device, but I wouldn't be surprised if that guy was just in there with a racing helmet. He got the shit knocked out of him. It could have been anyone.

He could have just won the raffle that day. And they're like, that other guy should have not done that. That track is the most insane racing style I've ever seen. It reminds me of bull riding and bronch riding. Like, it's so extreme. Like you're almost asking to get hurt. Yeah. I think it's like an escalation thing.

Like, you know, and I've been. Travis Bistrano, super nice dude, but like that dude does some crazy stuff. Matt's got this nutty story about them all going out in Heavy Deeds helicopter and him like jumping out into the Gulf of Mexico at night and like they couldn't find him. And like, I mean, just like these guys that have just done so many crazy, ballsy things that like, you just have lost that fear factor and you're just doing crater and greater things to try to, like, you know, stimulate yourself, I guess. And I mean, of course, they know what you're doing.

And, you know, they made a great news about it. This stuff doesn't scare me. I would do any of this as long as I thought. the car was safe, but like all of the downhill, like sports, I was watching some guy do some downhill, downhill Red Bull run on a bicycle the other day, and he must have been going 50. And it was like cobblestone streets that they had built stuff on. And he, I mean, he has no, like, no room for error. And the fall would have been down. It looked like it's where they filmed the Game of Thrones or something like that. All the streets are made of, like, ancient hard marble or

something. He was just going to fall and just get crushed. He didn't make a single mistake. It went like a six minute run or something like that. It was crazy. And then I think guys, have you seen the guys in the Alps doing the skateboarding where they've got the extra wide skateboard tires? And they just like sometimes with no safety gear, they go down these crazy, curvy roads. And the only way they have to steer is by like extreme body leans and touching the, they've got gloves on so they can touch the asphalt and drag their hands. That looks crazy, dangerous. Yeah, I watched a show on like those like the wingsuit guys, you know, that are just like flying through the Alps and shooting those bridges up.

And like at the end of the video, like two thirds of the guys in the video were like memorialized at the end of it. I mean, you know, just hitting a tree at 300 miles an hour. I mean, it was just, I mean, I'm a dude. I'd like to think I'm somewhat of a brave capable person. But then you just see people where I'm just like, yeah, there's no way. Like you can go in and still my girlfriend. Like, I can't compete with this. they've stacked so many scary, dangerous, deadly things on top of one another when they start doing like the stunt

wing suiting where they're going really close to the ground or through obstacles and stuff. Like you already jumped out off of a cliff wearing a fucking wing suit. But now you're going to like try to get as close to that tree as you possibly can for the thrills. Like that might be a sickness. In most aviation stuff, there's usually like a chain of things that went wrong. Oh, first this happened, then that happened, then this happened. If anywhere along the way we had corrected one of these mistakes or behaved appropriately, we're okay.

But with the wingsuit stuff, it just takes one mistake. One mistake. Oh, yeah. And you're cooked. Are those cats, you see, like, free climbing skyscrapers and, like, doing, like, half dome and stuff out in Yosemite with no ropes, like, three, you know, 2,000 feet in air. And, like, I'll, like, be scrolling through, like, doom scrolling.

I'll come across, like, somebody, like, walking on top of a crane. I got to, like, scroll past it. my butt tightens up. I'm like, oh, I can't watch it. Like, I mean,

same thing. Like you said, there's just, you get one mistake and you're just, that one handhold and you slip and you're done. Like that's it. You've seen the video of like those Russian guys from years ago doing the crane thing.

And they're like, they're like actively looking down at clouds. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like this is, this is like a video game. Like they just stopped rendering under there because you didn't notice any detail.

What do people who are into free climbing and crane walking and bull riding? And bull riding. riding due in retirement. Like you cannot transition to pickleball. Yeah. Like Alex Arnold, Hanald, something close to that. That's it.

I'm like, I wonder how he's going to navigate his loss of athleticism, right? Because he must be on the second half of his bell curve when it comes to athletic ability. What is the guy pushing 35, 40? Right? I'm like, is he going to start toning down the feats?

Is he going to switch over to Hollywood where there's like, you know, subtle hidden safety devices, or is he going to keep trying to get better? He's 40, okay? As he's 40. Like, you're not better now than you ever were before. Like, this isn't the best you. You're going to start dialing it back or die? Those are your choices.

Those guys die a lot. I went through like a whole Wikipedia thing of like famous free climbers. And it was rare to find one where I'm like, wow, this guy's like the wise old man. and he's like 54. Like, and that was, all of them were dying in their 20s and 30s because it's like, and he thought he could climb, you know, what they called the dead man's cliff. And it's just body after body.

Ooh, I got a would you rather. You go to that cliffs, Wikipedia. There's a whole section of, you know, notable deaths. You expand that. It's what a terrible. I got a would you rather, Taylor. Would you rather you would have, give you a year to train and prepare for this. You got to do one of these things.

You've either got a free climb, a pretty difficult free climb mountain. We're not going to El Capitan or anything, but this is going to be red level danger. Or you have to do some spulunking down in one of those cave systems where people have died and gotten trapped and all upside down. Can I have a guide in the spulunking? Well, in your practice, you can. you'll have to solo Spalunk when you actually go. And I don't get to pick the location of Spalunk. I'll be picking the location.

Oh, and you're picking the mountain? Yeah, it's going to be terrible. You know what? I'm just going to live up that year. I'm going to absolutely feast. At least I'll get stuck in the mouth of the cave. And then I can be immediately saved. Oh, fit.

found a way out that that's a good that's a good plan that's a diabolical challenge though i saw a clip just the other day where there's some cave system that people go down and crawl into and splunk into and before they'll let you go do it uh woody and i've gone ziplining before and they weigh you first make sure you're not too heavy before you do this they make you crawl through this eight inch by 24 inch rectangle that's on the ground to make sure you can fit through the the most narrow parts of this like cave system you're going into. Eight inches by 24 inches. No.

No, not about, not at all. I don't want to throw stones, but I don't think Taylor gets his head through that thing. He's just talking. Entirely sideways. I saw the video.

There's a lady standing on top being like, next, I like stand up and knock her off of it because it's stuck to my head. See, I don't think no one would answer. We'll grease you up. We'll grease you up like Tom Hardy. All right.

We'll get the butter out. We'll get you through that hole. Even on regular people, you'd have to take your helmet off to get through that hole. People going through weren't wearing helmets. Like the people that I was watching demonstrate that they could go through it. They were all going through. And like, there was a little girl. And it was like, how does a man fit through that?

The girl barely made it. It was terrifying. My hands were getting a little sweaty thinking about crawling into a cave like that. I mean, I get a little panicky, like up under cars sometimes. I'm just like up and there trying to reach a bowl. And I'm just kind of, look, keep breathing. I've got to go. The spulking stuff is crazy because it's so for real.

Like if you get stuck down there, it's not like they're like, okay. Oopsie doodles. Let's just make it bigger. We'll expand the cave a little bit and we'll get you out. No, you're cooked, baby. That's it. That's the end game right there. There's no easy way to rescue you from these places.

He's got to hope you lose enough weight during the next course of the next few days. Yeah, but it seems like per your example, per your challenge, though, like with the cave, you at least got a chance if something goes wrong, whereas if you fall off the mountain, like you're just toes. You might can like rambo it into a pine tree or something and make it down, but more than likely, like there's no margin for error on the mountain, whereas at least Spalunkin, there's a chance you can wiggle out. I look at it a little differently. You're absolutely right with everything you said. However, a mistake on the mountain gives instant, mostly painless death. a mistake in the cave could lead to long, prolonged suffering and not only physical suffering, but absolute mental breakdown.

Once you realized you were jammed in there and that panicky adrenaline thing hit and you started wiggling and hurting yourself and then you ran out of breath because you're not going to be able to expand your lungs well and you're breathing your own CO2. Like when you run out of breath and you realize that there's nothing to do for it but sit here and breathe your own CO2 and slowly pass out. And then you wake up from being passed out, of course, because that won't kill you. And the terror wakes you up again. Fuck that.

Yeah, that's a good point. That you might be on to something there. That would be horrible. That would be down sounded pretty good after imagining being buried alive. And then like I've read stories about it where, I mean, everybody knows that one where the guy thought he was going through a like channel or passage. and it was really just a drop dead end. And like they got the authorities and like the Spalunking police or whatever, the rescue team. And they're like, where is he?

And it's like, we know exactly where he is. And it's like, okay, that doesn't help. We can know exactly where he is as he dies over the next, you know, eight hours because he's going to have like a heart attack because he's inverted for so long or whatever final way he died. Something like that. Just terrible. A lot of people like, Spelunking is one of the extreme. hobbies in Missouri because I think we have like the biggest

like the most caves underground and shit and I remember going I'm you know how you always think you're uh oh some some sort of demon us belonging demon yeah it's a hot rod I heard it yeah oh yeah that's my neighbor he's got a he's got a loud motorcycle sorry about that

like almost every year we would go on some field trip to a cave and like the teacher and the guy would just be leading a bunch of like seven year old through a cave and they'd point out and be like you know like we were staying in the safe areas going through big caves mostly but on occasion to be like and that over there you know it used be a small hole that a seven-year-old could fit through but it'd be like you got can't go into places like that you could get hurt and stuck you know people die in these caves anyway that's the lag might and it would be like this is just a this is just a chain between two like free

moving movie line posts that you've placed in front of that like some some ruffian kid might just go dive right through it. Did they do the thing where they turned the lights out so you can sense, so you can see just how dark it is down there? Did they do that? Yeah, I hated that. Because we were like right, we were like in line close enough that like I could reach out and touch the kid in front of me without even extending my arm because they kept you so close

on those field trips. And then the guide turned it all off. And it was a level of darkness that like I hadn't experienced until then. But you could immediately, you could hear like the suddenly loud. cacophony of everyone's breath. Just like, all throughout it and it was, he left the light on too long. I didn't like it.

I've done that a few times. We've been up to the caves in North Georgia and in the Tennessee mountains. There's a couple cave systems that are touristy you can go to. They do that thing to you. And your hand in front of your face makes no difference. You have no idea. It's complete, it's as dark as I've ever experienced. And then out in Texas, we just went down in some holes.

That was really fun too. Not even caves, just holes. There's a hole in the grave. It's a cave system, but you access it by crawl. There's just a hole in the ground like a manhole cover-sized hole, like a sewer hole up in the mountains. And there's an emergency ladder, like a rope ladder with aluminum rungs that they threw down in it. And you just crawl, you climb straight down. And when you land, you're in like a chamber that's about big enough to lay down in, maybe an eight-foot-wide circle.

And then you have to get on your hands and knees and crawl through a tunnel. And then about six or eight feet through the tunnel, it opens up into a cavern that's as big as a house. Like a house-sized cavern under the earth with like glow in the dark scorpions and all sorts. The bones of everything that's ever fallen down in that hole since for 10,000 years or however long it's been there. Tons of little animal bones and tons of like weird worms and the soft earth that are eating whatever falls in there. It was awesome. Legendary has arrived in Alberta with BetMGM Casino. Sign up to unlock access to over 4,000 casino games,

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Tap the banner to shop now. Live passionately. Drink responsibly. I'd be fine living the rest of my life above ground. But not too far, right in that sweet spot. Where you can touch the ground. I mean, I've done some caves kind of all over the world, but it's always been like touristy stuff.

You know, like, whether it's like floating down a river in Mexico or some places and being, I mean, really volcanic caves, lava twos, but it's all still like stuff that's being cleared for tourists. Like as far as just going like open mic night and just go and exploring, And like, like, my fear has always be like, like, you'd go down some slope and it would just get like steeper and steeper and steeper. And then you just slide down and you just get like followed somewhere and you're just stuck. No, thanks, man. There was a cave system where I grew up kind of in northwest Georgia, called it Big Dan's Cave.

And, you know, people go in there and get drunk, whatever. And I was probably in elementary school, but some dude got lost in there. And like, just, you know, his flashlight batteries ran out, whatever. Dude gets lost. They can't find him. Cats gone for like five days. Oh, no. Five days later, he crawls out from like under a rock in some farmer's field like 20 miles away.

He had just been drinking like, you know, like, you know, just groundwater out of puddles and stuff. And just feeling his way along in the dark and like out of some movie after like four days of darkness and just feeling his way along. Dude saw a light and just some light. They didn't even know that was connected to the cave. I want to see that movie. Exactly. Just some crazy. Why is there no like North Georgia moleman man?

movie. Like, that's one of our unsung heroes down here. He was probably on probation or something. There's no talent. But, yeah, I mean, but as a, I mean, it's like a probably a fifth grader. I remember hearing about it and just thinking like, oh my God, how scary would that be just to be just fumbling along in the dark and having no

idea if you were going the right way. Like, what was going to happen? But just but dude didn't give up. Yeah, yeah, really. You'd have to be shuffling your feet the whole time because you don't know if it's going to drop out from under you. Just hellish. bumping your head over and over. No, thanks.

Caves sucked. You know, we evolved out of those. But the first time you go in a real cave, you understand like, oh, this is why ancient man were like cavemen and not like tent men, because even when it's boiling hot outside, it does feel pretty nice in there.

It's like, oh, okay. It had something figured out. You would just have to find a cave with a distinct ending, not a whole channel for people to go back. Yeah, but it's the underwater, caves though that stuff like you're like filled out like a life insurance policy and that's literally like one of the things that like if you participate in cave diving like your life insurance doesn't

kick in wow like the scuba like scuba diving and people like pushing their tanks along ahead of them and yeah yeah tank off and then they send the tank through the passage and then they follow it because the passage was too small for a tanked man yeah turn back no no thanks diving seems more fun if it's big under there. You know, we're like, I don't want to be so close to the silt that it blinds me. I want to be above the dirt where I can

see everything and enjoy the walls and the vibe, but not the danger. But there's no margin of error. Like that's, like, if this is your lifeline and there's no backup. I suppose there isn't one of those James Bond-esque mini, like, put in your mouth kind of

breathing, that we need to work on that technology. Why has no one done this. A rebreather. There is, there is actually a little, I mean, it's not a rebreather, but there is like this little, it's like a little mini scoop a tank that I've seen people carry that it's got like, I don't know, 10 minutes of air in it or whatever, like just, I think those are primary for like if you run out of, like if you're doing a decompression stop and you run out of time on your tank, like you can still kind of breathe enough to get up there, but 10 minutes. That's just long enough to ponder. Pilots usually to do, like if they,

usually someone near you will identify that like the altitude you're not smart anymore you're you're not making good decisions your speech is slurred so they'll breathe some normal air as they descend you remember in a space balls they had that can of peri air you know like like Mel Brooks would like crack it open and just breathe out of the can it was like like their planet they were using up all their oxygen so they like the rich people had like cans of air they would drink they would breathe yeah I'd rather skydive just like our wall it's the same as normal air. It's just, it's tapping.

Skydiving has never seemed easier to me than in this moment after thinking about Spalunking for a while where it's like, man, you can see stuff. Like at worst case scenario, it's like, and then that's it. Next time we find ourselves together, we should totally go skydiving. That'd be fun. Yeah, but we'll have to lead off with like a 40-minute conversation about Spalunking.

What we'll do is I'll pretend like, I'm totally down to spalunk with Woody. And they're like, come on, Taylor, Spalunk with us. You got to go. And like, all right. Well, if you're not going to Spalank, could we at least skydive together? You'd be like, yes, yes, we can do that. Yes, we can do that.

Please let's jump out of a plane together. It's like we've got our air tank on. They used to be a surprise to bowels. Yeah, that was, I don't know I've seen weird. There was a skydiving school that used to jump out over where I lived. And, you know, two or three times a day the plane to go over. Of course, they landed a couple miles away, but they'd always be out right of us. We always called them the meat bomber.

Like, oh, the meat bomber's out again. And they eventually got, like, shut down. Like, so many people died that they had, like, the place got shut down. Did you try it? I mean, a lot of them probably did. I never did. No, my granddad was a stunt pilot. Like, growing up, I was in all these air shows, like an open coppick by plane.

It all kind of crazy stuff. And, like, it was just so ingrained to me to stay in the airplane. I've never wanted to get out of the airplane. You know, so you think about it. I'm sorry? He did stunts with you. you as passenger? Oh, absolutely.

So, like, after World War II, in World War I, you had all the biplanes. And between World War I and World War II, there was this biplane called the Stearman, Steerman P.T. Bowen, P.T.17. And it was like, like, it would have been futuristic had it made it in World War I, but it was obsolete by World War II. So they used it as a trainer plane, just kind of first plane you would fly. Well, after World War II, they sold them for like a hundred bucks. So my great-granddad, they'd had a barnstorming act going on for years prior to that.

they bought like nine of these things like a hundred bucks a piece. And they flew on, but they eventually leased them out to crop dusters and did other things. And they all got parted out. And eventually there were like nine of them in my great grandmother's barn.

And we're kids. We'd get at him and play in them. Well, my granddad finally got together and put one plane together out of parts from the nine. And like, he took me on the first test flight.

Like, like, it's like, come on, we both are playing, get in. We just, and of course,

he had to roll it, he had to go upside down. So, like, we're cruising along and he rolls it upside down. and it did not have an inverted fuel pump, so the engine cuts out. We're just, like, gliding in silence.

And I'm holding on the bottom of my seat, like, looking up at, like, our house, like, you know, 2,000 feet below my head. And, like, the seat bolts were, like, not quite tight. So they only dropped about a quarter of an inch, but in my head, it was, like, enough. So just chuck, and I just thought I was dead. But, yeah, I mean, I did that all the time. And we'd go do all kinds of stunts and upside down and wingovers. He taught me to do a little bit of that. But, like, that just, it just, that was really exciting to do as a kid.

But, like, my brain was like, stay in a plane. And I've just never had that desire to jump out of it. I mean, I'm sure it's cool. I know lots of people have done it. And they said it was awesome. And I'm sure it'd be exciting. But I think I don't trust the person. Like, like, having met some of the people who were doing, like, the skydive instruction

schools, like, you think there are these like, you know, ex-military super razor edge. You know, no, these are like stoned hippie guys that are like, it'll be okay, man, don't worry. You only fall once. You know, like, they're way too casual advice. it and I just kind of in my back of my mind. I'm just like, I don't know, man. I just, what if I get like that one guy?

Some people don't know is like at a drop zone, the entry level job is the guy who packs the parachutes. That's where they get going. Oh, that's not reassuring. You know, when you think about it, every skydiving school has 100% graduation rate. Yeah. Because if you die, you didn't graduate. He did.

Some of them die, though, right? That's what I mean is they didn't, like, they didn't even make it. So, like, everybody who makes it graduates, that guy's just dead. He didn't complete school. He's a dropout. Yeah, you don't, you don't fail. That would be kind of insult to injury if you sent his family like his F, right? It's the same thing about it.

I thought of them as, like, dropping out. You're choosing not to continue your school. You got to pull the parachute. Your husband failed, all right? I've never seen. He was clawing at it, but it's on the right side, not the left. We just, what a moron. On a related note, so I used to do a body painting, like nudist resorts would hire me to come in and like do like, you know, it'd be like a superhero weekend. I'd paint them all up like Wonder Woman or whatever.

I imagine you have no talent at it whatsoever and you're just doing your best. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Just, just, you know, strange to me. He looks like bullseyes. I got one tree. He's licking that paintbrush a lot. I had to charge some of those girls double for materials, though. But anyway, I'm painting these. So I'm sitting there, I'm painting this lady, and she's talking to her friend.

So they're not even paying attention to me. I'm painting her up like bad girl or whatever. This might have been some other. It might have been Fourth of July. I'm painting stars and stripes on them. Who knows what I'm doing? I don't remember. Anyway, I'm sitting out there.

I'm painting this one lady and her friends sitting there talking. They're both probably in their 60s. and they're talking about bungee jumping. And so the lady I'm painting, she's like, oh, my son and his girlfriend went to go bungee jumping, and I just can't believe they did that. It must have been so scary. I just can't imagine time I wrote to my feet, whatever.

Patty was like, Patty, would you ever go bungee jumping? And without missing a beat, Patty's like smoking her cigarette. She just goes, I might have come into this world on a broken rubber, but I'll be down to find a go out on one. I was like, oh, my God, you came out of that off the top of your head. That's a sick lie. That was just totally mic dropped that without even pausing. I was like, you can't be a comedian.

That's incredible. This was a classy affair. Yeah. Oh, totally. 100%. It was a fun job. But yeah, it was a... Did you get to pick the superheroes where you're like...

No, no, no. They always had a request. It was... You're more of an Ursula than a little mermaid. Precisely. No, everybody, everybody's a princess at my paint booth. But, yeah, it was... like nude beaches where like you have an image in your head when you go to a nude beach of

you know the fantasy of it and then you actually go there and it's like this is just an old folks home i'm going to the regular beach old and young folks home some people were stunningly beautiful some people were not but i think the nice the nice takeaway from doing that for several years is that like like everybody has something about them that's nice nice smile nice nipples nice whatever everybody was having a good time it was a really good gig and you know as as nice as it is to see like an attractive person who maybe has some insecurities. When you see somebody that is just grossly overweight, not packing anything to show off at all, but they are happy with themselves and pride of themselves.

That is so much cooler. Like, you know, the error, but they were just, the confidence level was awesome. Did you have to lift their fat lady tities or would they do that as a courtesy to let you get under there? It kind of depended. I had a stick, you know, and I was just... Is that what you call it? I just say, I just, I found early on, though, like, like, if I charged them and then, like,

they weren't happy with what I painted, they might be kind of disgruntled. But if I just had a tip jar, I actually made more money with tips than I did charging. That way, if you don't like, you didn't have to pay enough, just pay what you thought it was worse. So I had to just the tip jar. And just the tip jar. But it was a fun gig. I had a good time doing it. The best one I ever had, though, this lady comes up to me.

And she's like, okay, here's the. here's the deal. She's like, I love being naked, but I have this fetish for tan lines. Here's some like 100 SPF suntan lotion. I want you to paint a bikini on me with the sun tan lotion so I can still be naked, but also get tan lines. That's fine. And I was like, okay, that's pretty cool. Let's do it. And so it was an interesting gig. Spread them. Yeah. But most of the time, it was just somebody that, a lot of times it was people who were like it was their first time at a place like that. And like, they were a little nervous. And even though it's just paint,

I think the paint kind of psychologically gave them some sort of a cover, you know. It does. It does. I remember I saw a magazine. This was a print advertisement. And it was like with their printers, you can see a stunning woman.

With ours, you realize that's body paint. And I'm like, wait. Oh, that's a naked woman. But they get away with it because it's paint. Yeah, and it was fun.

My favorites were like doing like fake clothes, you know, where it's cut off pants or whatever, like leather chast, like making it doing all the little shadows and things. They were pretty fun. I painted a wedding one time. It was a nudist wedding and I painted the wedding party. It was pretty cool. So everybody had to be in on it. Yeah. So that guy's like college roommate was like, ugh.

Yeah. Dang it, Carl. I didn't even want to go. It's not fair. I already bought the suit. Like I can't move. But it was fun. That was, it was a neat.

There was a neat experience. They were all super sweet into it. And it's really not like a salacious thing sometimes. I mean, there's certainly an aspect to that. But a lot of times there's people that just like to just rock out, you know, suns out, guns out. And it's not anything, you know, overly, you know, salacious.

They're just, they just like being outside. And it was a fun gig. I mean, you know, worse ways to get paid than to just sit on a folding chair all weekend, paying happy people. So I always had a good time. That's a life experience. What is the, uh, What was the breakdown man-woman?

It was almost 100% couples. I mean, there'd be occasionally like a single girl or like a couple that brought a girl with them or maybe a guy, but it was almost exclusively couples. Most of them had been married for 30, 40 years, 20 years. They were, everybody's super happy.

It was a really good, like, very good body positivity kind of vibe about it. Like, everybody was. 40 years. I mean, yeah, I mean, there were some old old people. I mean, there were some people in their 20s. I'd say the average 80s. was probably mid-50s, early 50s.

But the people, you know, they were... I don't feel like they'll be okay with that. Like, I don't know, like there you are, Peyton or Vage. I'm like, you're not a doctor, just some dude. Well, to be fair, most of the time... If your doctor's doing that, what, you need to find, you know, make a couple calls. Most of my painting, they usually would have like the superhero underwear on, and I would just do like... Okay.

body kind of thing. It wasn't really like super like gynecological or anything like that. I can't pay. I'm not painting. You get those. Yeah. Just be a girl with like the, you know, the black underwear on and I do the back girl. I had like some stencils out of airbrush it on there and do some highlights and stuff. It was actually pretty. When the bat girl showed up, I'd full on get that like wall painting spray gun and just

like I'm priming a boat. Why are you wearing an aspirator? Don't worry about it. but it was fun. I mean, everybody, everybody's having a good time. If you're somebody and you're letting somebody paint you naked, you're probably having a pretty good week. Are you naked while you're doing to paint it?

I can't disclose that. Depends on the world. I knew you were naked while you're doing the painting. Well, have you painted yourself while before you? No, no, if you were all painted up.

No, I've never painted myself, but, you know, there were, the first time I got there, like I wore clothes, and then they were,

all naked and it seemed kind of judgy. So eventually I was like, all right, whatever. So I'm just stuck to a folding chair all weekend. But I'm not shy. I'm not shy. And it seemed less awkward for them. I got more work. I got more work when I was naked just because they saw me.

It's like, I wasn't like, just like the birthday clown, you know. So it actually helped business. And I'm not sure. So you weren't the only nude painter. This was like a, like a Turkish bizarre where you're like the one time only deal, my friend. I was the only painter, but I just, I think I picked up more business when people just, okay, there's another naked guy.

Like, yeah, let's go paint and paint. I just need to pick up more business that way. Not for any advertising, obviously. But if you get all sweaty, does it start, does the paint start coming off? Yeah, you have to, like, really, like, make sure they go take a shower first. They don't have any, like, suntan lotion on or anything like that. And, like, the human body is just a very difficult canvas to paint. I mean, compared to painting walls or actual canvases or other types of painting that I do,

like a person yeah the worst part is like you get like a really really nice like upper body piece and then they like bend over to get their purse to tip you and then they stick their with the painting you just did to their legs and like i had several jobs completely with yeah so you had to be careful like not touch them and you had to be fast too because like people don't want to sit still for like two hours you know frozen like a statue so i really had to like get in there and go you know go pretty quick and airbrush helped a lot but it was just a fun gig it was happy people having a good time and it was a good part of being It was fun.

What were the activities they were doing after they got painted? They're like, all right, two, let's go, you know, throw hoops at bottles. Some of that, like, it would be funny stuff. Like, one time they set the world record for the most naked people on a fire truck. Or there'd be like a bubble pit. Or it would be like, or it'd be something like a, like there'd be some game in the pool. And they would, it'd have some salacious name, like, blow a fireman. But it'd really be like a bunch of rubber dust.

that look like firefighters and you had to like blow a straw and push them across them. I mean, it was like summer camp. Like it was these resorts are just fun and games kind of thing. I mean, I'm sure there's some racy stuff going on somewhere. Is this a new resort in Georgia? One of them, yeah. Yeah. But you probably, you probably know. You know, I know. We won't. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, there's, there's racy stuff going on somewhere, but not out, but it's just people having a good

time. And it was a pretty positive environment to be around. I liked it. You know, who's really the victim of this is, the hotel maids. Like getting in, those, all the towels. Oh, yeah,

all the sheets look like a Jackson Pollock painting. You know, just stick everywhere and all that. And I always use like, yeah, I'd go between like water based, like, like latex paint washes off in the shower.

But if I use like alcohol based paint, which is like Sharpie ink, that'd be there all weekend. So you had to kind of, you know, make sure that they were cool with looking like a slightly faded Wonder Woman all weekend. But,

but it was fun. I never got any, complaints. Oh, some people were like, this is my look for the next four days, do it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It'd be like a Friday to Sunday kind of weekend kind of thing, long weekends, you know, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, that kind of stuff. All the holidays, people want to get like thematics. I do a bunch of stars and stripes on the Fourth of July or, you know, whatever the holiday might be. St. Patrick's Day, do a bunch of cleverly pasties, that kind of deal. What if you have, like, a hairy chest? Does that matter? I painted some dudes

The airbrush just goes right through it But it seemed to be the style Everybody seemed to be shaved Like you didn't really come across a lot of hair You're mostly painting women? Like what's the ratio? Oh it was almost 100% I mean it was occasionally a dude

Like it'd be like they'd be a couple They were like gonna like he's gonna be Batman And she's bad girl Or they wanted to be like Are you sure? Because you could be bad girl And he could be man He just skip the whole thing

He's got like a photo He's like, yeah, can you paint her like her younger sister? Yeah, no, I never read that one, but besides it'd be like matching team jerseys or something like that. They'd be like a paint in the world, sir. What you need is a sculptor. Man, that's an awesome gig. I've had a lot of strange jobs, but that was definitely one of the strange ones.

I feel like you made that job up. Like who, like, who, I got, how did, what was the genesis of, like, starting that job? Like, I guess you were, were you talking to someone who, like, ran that place? You know, I do a little, a little bit of body painting myself. No, it's actually pretty funny. So, so this exactly how this happened. So I watched, I don't know, some, something. It was like, it was a person who was doing body painting at, like, Fantasy Fest or something down in, like, Key West.

And, like, they said they made, like, $35,000. in a weekend. And I was like, man, that seems like a pretty good gig. Like, I can go down there for that, but I need to learn how to body paint first? But, you know, how am I going to figure out how to learn how to body paint? Because I can't just go to Walmart and ask some rando if I'm body paint them. So I'm, it's like some Saturday and my girlfriend at the time and I are going to go ride to motorcycle. And she found like, oh, there's a bike rally somewhere up in North Georgia. Cool, called Hooters on Scooters. Must be some kind of like breast cancer charity ride or something like that sounds like that. That sounds good at that.

So we get the address off the website. We get on the bike and we just ride up there thinking it's going to be some event. Well, as we roll into the property, all of a sudden, it's like naked. It's like a campground. There's people naked everywhere. They're walking dogs. They're cooking out. They're at the pool.

Just naked people everywhere. I'm like, this is not what I was expecting. There was a bike event going on there. It was just like their own little bike show. And they rode around the property. Everybody on their bike's naked. But anyway, just showed up, like not expecting to be at a naked place. The owner of the place, of course, sees me roll up, you know, got leather's on, all that kind of stuff.

comes out gives us a pitch tells us gives us the tour says hey this is what we do here and i was like hey have you ever had a body painted like no we've always wanted to have a body painter that sounds awesome and then that's how it happened i just like i literally just asked and i got the gig like it was and i never did make it to fantasy fest to do the 35 grand a weekend job but i painted up there for years it was that that first time were you like what do you want mono red mono green mono blue another she hawk coming up yeah But they are just like everything else in my life, I just sort of Forrest Gump into it. Just got to show it up.

Wait, what's going on here? Everybody's naked. Hey, can I have a job? And it worked. That's way cool. That's awesome. That was it. Yeah.

I haven't seen the movie in so long. I don't remember. He did some big stuff. Start running back to the job. Pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Or like, like, Kung Fu Pan is a good example. Yeah, totally.

You just, you just happened to be present for. stuff and that's that's kind of my whole career's been that way I'm just having to be standing there they did what do you think is the ping pong champion the ping pong diplomacy the medal of honor thing is it the medal of honor is the rarest air I think um to be a living medal of honor recipient I think that's pretty rare did he win the gold medal in ping pong I think he just did I don't think he was an Olympian was he he would just he helped establish ties with the Chinese or something through ping pong? I can't remember.

I haven't seen it in years. I never read the sequel. Oh, he plays on the all-American team because of his skill. The U.S. Army places him on the all-American ping-pong team. He travels to China as part of the historic U.S. Ping-Pong diplomacy tour, helping start normalizing relations. But it's never shown competing in or winning any specific medals. Okay, that's pretty big, but I think the Medal of Honor is cooler.

He also became like an Apple computer's millionaire. That was pretty impressive. Chatsy BT lists those things five and six. Number one is saving his platoon, which I guess you could argue is the Medal of Honor. It is. Running across the barrack for three years is kind of neat. But a regular person could do that. Building the Shrimping Empire, I thought was cool.

The Shrimping Empire was cool. He also taught Elvis how to dance. God, I forgot about that. I mean, he taught Elvis how to do that boogie-wuggy dance that he was in, hey, little man, show me a movie you were doing how a minute ago. Great, he danced funny because he had those leg braces and he taught it to Elvis.

Yeah, he's like wiggling his hips and jerking around. And Elvis was like, all right, show me a move again, little man. I've not seen that moving forever. I started moving my hips and sway into the beat. You do the voice really well. I had to wear those leg braces when I was a kid. get out. Oh yeah, totally.

I was like pigeon toad so bad. Are you? I was probably third. I was pigeon toad too. Dude, we have a lot coming. They fixed mine with orthotics inside my shoes. I had these little plastic inserts. So while you softies had cushioned shoes, I had a hard plastic inside my shoes and it kind of sucked.

Pigeant toes is when they point in. Yeah, yeah. And mine are still pretty bad, but they were like as a kid, they were so bad. I had to wear like these like leather things like. spreader bars, like just like in the movie. Yeah, they were. Oh my God. You know how I think I fixed it. Were you ever chased it by a truck of bullies? Often. I got till this day still have to this day. Zemachus ripped you off, dude. I'm here to tell you. I think I used to sleep on my black and I'd have the covers like keep my feet sort of bow-footed and I just sort of like I'm like if I go through

puberty like this, my feet will straighten out. And they kind of did. I don't know if that's related, but that was the thinking. It couldn't hurt. Yeah. So how long were you in these Forrest Gump braces? Oh, just I was real little. Probably I was three or four.

I mean, not long. I guess when you're like young enough where your bones are still kind of soft, you know, they were trying to train them out then. But by the time I was, you know, preschool age, I was just rocking and rolling. I mean,

I still wear out like mad shoes. Like I kind of scuff my feet on the outsides when I walk. So I always wear out shoes and weird spots and all that and trip over myself a whole lot because I have size 14 shoes but but you know i was just your basic awkward dorky kid in every possible way so the leg braces just kind of blended right in pretty much every uncle thing yeah i bet they actually stood out it was it was just all it was just all part of my look i'm just going to hit all the awkward childhood yeah disadvantages i can here but uh yeah would you say the body painting is

the most interesting job you've ever had most interesting gig. Oh, wow. You know, honestly, probably no. I think YouTube really is it. Like I've gotten to do so many, I mean, between cannonball run records and yuton cars off a cliffs in Alaska and just, I mean, like just in the last 48 hours. I mean, we've done, you know, we're building pontoons to make this off-road record

truck amphibious. We've had an exotic animal beef jerky eating contest. I've welded. I've stripped an old car down to turn it into a reef, driven a race car. Like, just every day is something different. And I don't say weird necessarily, but like weird in that the menagerie of experiences I've had to in YouTube is just like I could have never made this up or pulled this off. And it's just such a fun thing to do. And whether it's trying to sleep in the back of a car at 170 while your friend's driving waiting for your turn to drive 170 while he sleeps or meeting famous people or just getting to do fun stuff.

Like, it's just weird in that, weird in the, how did I get here? Because, like, you know, I get a lot of like imposter syndrome, I guess. Like, I mean, I'm nobody. I just happened to be standing in the right place and said the right things a few times and got to be on camera and hang out with you guys. I mean, like, I didn't come from anywhere special. I just sort of, it's just weird how I got here, I guess, because it could have been anybody.

It just happened to be me and I always felt very thankful for that. And I think that's probably the weirdest thing. weird to be to like go through my phone the people I can call on the phone that I know that are famous like that's just weird to me or weird in that you know I don't have any I'm not good looking I'm not particularly smart I'm not athletic like I'm just some regular dude I just happened to totally force gump kung kung fu pan and my way into just being in the right place at the right time you know they as the saying goes rather be lucky than good and I just got really lucky so that's the weird thing I guess is just like how I got to here, I suppose. But that kind of sounded more yamey than I meant it too. I didn't mean it like that. No, no, no, no. I was about to have to be more. Like, I was going to ask Woody, what's the, the, the, the oddest thing

that YouTube has allowed you to do that if you just sort of told someone that you did that thing in one sentence with no backstory or explanation, it would sound bonkers. Would it be that you've been in a helicopter and fired a mini gun at cars before? That has to be it.

That's way better than the microwaveing shit that popped into my head. Yeah, I got you. I got you. Yeah, yeah. It has to be that. I thought it was pretty neat that I saw the UFC fighting in Japan. That was a neat life experience.

But in terms of, like, wacko things that other people haven't done, it's got to be the mini-gun helicopter thing. Yeah, that's a lot of things at once. Yeah, that's probably it. Yeah, it's like you, Jesse Ventura and Predator, like there's very few mini-gun operators. out there. You're a small.

I'll tell you, the helicopter flight lasted long enough and the sun. It was getting dark, so it had like tracers and shit and was shooting a car

and watching the bullets deflect everywhere. And in my heart, I was like, it's been kind of a long day. We're going to land this thing? Like, am I the only one thinking, let's wrap?

Ungrateful. It would have been cool if he shot some animals. I know that some places do that maybe, on pigs. I've shot rifles out of the helicopter at pigs, and I've shot machine guns at them, but I've never shot a mini

gun at pigs. That would be fun. I would like to do that. I wouldn't want to be a pig. No, you wouldn't want to be the pig. Well, it'd be one of the bad pigs. They deserve it, yeah. They deserve it. Yeah, exactly. They're causing problems, causing a ruckus down there, killing all the other

plants. That helps so much, dude. They're like, orc ugly. When you look at them up close, they're like really hairy and mean looking. Yeah. Yeah. Are they sweet by chance? Like if you were to try to pet one? It could kill you. Like a boar could gore you in the femoral artery.

That's the thing they do to people and they bleed out. Pigs can be sweet. People keep them as pets. Yeah. If you had one from a baby, you could absolutely. So that guy I know at the Ox Ranch, the guy who owns it, he has a pet wild boar that must be 300-something pounds. Like it's way too big.

to tangle with. And then he also has a pet wolf. And so he threw, he shot a rabbit and threw it to him and they split it, literally. Like they each got an end of it and pulled it apart like it was a gummy bear. He's like a Pokemon trainer. He's awesome. But that pig was like a bait. That pig was like, hey there big boy. God damn, what does he weigh? He's like pet him under his chin. He lacks that. It's like, like, like,

like, like, you really did like it. Like, but in the wild, they're feral, like,

wild beasts. And they're, they're interbred between these Russian blackboard that people brought over to hunt and feral pigs

and domestic pigs, and they've created this weird mishmash. But there's something weird about pigs when they go feral. You can take a perfectly normal, like,

domesticated pink pig, and just from living in the wilderness, something about that environment, environment and maybe it's hormones it changes it'll start growing that long dark coarse fur it'll start growing tusks whereas if you just left in its pin it'd have been that pink bacon seed uh its whole life but you throw it out in the wilderness of texas and it regresses and turns into like a wild animal again like physically yeah they go like full wolf man i mean

presumably it takes a while but yeah they they just get violent their super territory a friend of mine was hunting down in south georgia and had one come after him and Somehow in running from it, he, like, dropped his rifle and it ran him up a tree. He had, like, a 22 pistol with him for hunting for shooting snakes. And he's like, he's like, there's just enough tree where it's like almost getting his foot. He can't get any higher over the tree. According to him, he emptied the 22 between that thing's eyes and its skull is just so thick. The 22s were just like, pachioo, just ricochet off.

And one of our other buddies that was with him, like, kind of heard the shots and figured someone was up and came up and shot the pig. But, yeah, it was like going to happen, man. they're super territorial, like the wild ones anyway. Yeah, there's some, yeah. If you're slipping at your heels, a nine mill would get it done. But I wonder if it was just you in the open with a pig and a nine mill. Can you hit it? Can a normal person make that shot?

How hard is it? That shot gets progressively easier for every second. You don't make that shot. Well, and then much harder. I considered that too, right? And then much harder, right? So I've never shot in like, I guess I have shot in competition, but not well. And, but competition makes me so much worse at shooting.

If I just take my time and aim at an index card or something, I can hit it pretty well. But you put a clock on me and ask me to hit it faster than somebody else. And suddenly I'm like trying to make up time by missing quicker or something stupid like that and it doesn't work. You put an actual combat situation or an angry pig. How bad a shot am I? I'm not sure. But I bet not good. Yeah, that would be so much more stress.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel if it was like charging you or coming for you. I guess what would you like shoot it like in the mouth or something? I mean, because like head on you've got that big thick skull there. Oh, I'm shooting. And their hide is so thick. Do you say in the face, Kyle? Yeah, I mean, if he's running at you, I'm going to hit whatever I can it.

I'm aiming at the pig. Like if this is like fallout and this is like fallout and vats when I'm going to click three times on his head, bleak, bleak, bleak, it's going to say zero fucking percent. So I'm aiming like, I'm aiming at the blob that is the moving pig coming toward me. and I'm trying to control recoil and get as many shots downrange as possible before he gets to me. I'd be relying on the mysterious stranger. The head would be kind of center mass at a charging pig, I think, like from the height you shoot. They're fast.

He's going to be on you real quick. I killed one with a knife. I shot it in the ass with 300 blackout, and then I went and went and fought it with a pocket knife. and it bit my inner thigh and left this massive welt that was like bloody around the perimeter and I stepped over its head so I was kind of on its back

and I got it in a headlock and I cut its throat well I couldn't cut its throat it was too tough I stabbed its throat with the knife over and over until it bled out you're prison shamed to death yeah

it's kind of the same story I won't tell it yeah yeah like earlier when you're talking about like you when you're talking about like blowing up van like that was pretty gang that was like the most gangster thing i've heard in this whole podcast but like you just up yourself on that one like oh yeah i shot a pig in the ass and stabbed the pocket knife on

on video on video and then the can and uh i went to watch the camera met the the footage back and scott let the camera drop to his waist because he couldn't believe what he was seeing according to him i like you didn't record the thing you don't know i handed you by the way he was the one that was supposed to fight the pig this was for a gator video that we were doing so i had this idea that that scott my cousin Scott could be a character on the internet called Gator, and that he would be like an extreme hunter. And we thought we'd be able to get into the, there's two divisions of the firearms market.

There's like tactical stuff and there's hunting stuff. And I don't know which is bigger, but there are two pieces of a massive pie. And I was like, we should get into this hunting stuff. These are people we never reach out to. We don't work with the camo guys and the hunting supply guys. There's millions of dollars there.

Scott, you could be Gator, the extreme hunter. And what you do, and people are going to hate it, but it's going to get clicks. People are going to hate it. You're not bringing Daddy's old bolt action or the pump shotgun to the field. You're showing up with military hardware. Like, you're deer hunting with cannon or you're hog hunting with lasers and machine guns and night vision and tanks. We're going to hunt manatees with bazookas. exactly

do you see that Gator video or he stun guns a pheasant to death that's the sort of thing I wanted to do like maybe dragon's breath on a pheasant like something like that

like something awful and then he has to be like already cooked and then take a big bite of raw that's exactly the kind of shit I did that with the flame throw one time when I roasted a pig

I had I had ribs on the fake like fake barbecue ribs on the back and I was ripping it off the carcass and eating them seamless but great but yeah I made Gator

Gator was So we took gator to Texas and we were hunting hogs and we had a permit from the sheriff outside Houston, Texas that let us go into neighborhoods

and so we're driving through neighborhoods in a blacked out truck with like suppressed machine guns and night vision just killing pigs in people's yards and fields just everywhere

we could go wherever he wanted and we made a gator video out of that and then he would stab pig to death and it was already critically wounded that was part of the video I was like now This is going to be the end of the video.

We're going to say that this is the pig that killed little Billy. Because we started the video with him saying, these pigs are a menace. They've killed children. They've killed the elderly. Just this last week, a little boy named Billy McCoy was killed by a wild boar here in this region. Only seven years old. I'm like, at the end, you're going to say, this is for Billy. And you're going to charge and kill this pig.

I'm like, I already shot him in the butt with the 300 blackout. He slowed down good. You could take him. And he's like, fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. I'm not doing that. He could just wait it a little longer the way Commodus does against Russell Crow,

where he just kind of wait a little longer, let him bleed out a little more, a little more, a little more. Because a 300 blackout to the, you know, to the rear end of anything is pretty devastating. He's fine. No, he was fun.

He was a big boy. He was fine. He was. He got up. yelled at me and charged. He was fine. You would have done that without the 300 blackout, you know. I wouldn't have been able to get, yeah, absolutely I would have,

but I wouldn't have been able to get to him. Like he would have ran from me if I didn't, you know, slow him down a little bit. We were trying to have me jump out of a helicopter on top of one. I was hanging out the side of the little bird helicopter with a sword in a sheath, like a machete that was like two and a half, three feet long, like a big and I wanted to like jump out and like machete one of the pigs and we couldn't make it happen. Man, Gator could have been the real deal.

That's got Discovery Channel show written all over that, man. Well, that was for the Gator show again because Gator gets homesick and he had to stay home with his girlfriend. And I'm like, I guess I'll put on a mask and I'll be Gator. And we'll just edit this into Scott's video. And then we didn't use the footage. It's pretty diabolical. Yeah. It's like Batman.

I don't have been so off-putting. Oh, people hated Scott the Gator videos. They got like, so I put it on a YouTube channel called The Gator Show that had zero subscribers. And I pushed it on Facebook once. And it got almost 300,000 views like in a week or something like that. Both of his videos did. We also did the Hunter's diaper, which was like a funny spin on like hunting products. So he's like, he's wearing a Hunter's diaper and he's explaining like how much of a load it can carry.

and it's camouflage. And then he gets out the deer urine. And he's like, this is the best deer urine on the market. But I'm going to tell you, taste terrible. And he opens it. The bit is he's drinking deer piss. And I made sure, like, he starts with a sealed package

and cuts it open with a knife in front of the camera. It is deer urine that he is drinking. And he immediately gags and vomits in the video. And then he's like, oh, oh, never. Oh, never get over that. Well, now you got, you're going to do something about that vomit smell you got here. He's going to waste his head over the gun.

He's like, that's when you want the dead down wind scent blocker. And I'm like, I'm behind the camera going like this, like I'm Spilberg back there. And he starts like spritzing the scent blocker on his vomit from drinking deer urine. And then he goes, I'll have a little macelle. And he goes, and squirts it in his own mouth and like rinses and spits. because like the tent blocker tastes better than deer piss as you can imagine it's tremendous that could have been a big thing either i don't see the sponsor deals rolling in with mossberg's like we got to associate ourselves with this guy that's what i wanted though i love

the idea that that you could go to him and i wanted it to be like fpsia russia but but a redneck hunting i was like it's the same thing i mean obviously smith and weston doesn't want to say that their pistol is the watermelon annihilator but it gets clicks and it sells smooth and wetting So maybe if Scott's blowing up squirrels with like a 20 millimeter machine gun for no reason, like it'll get some, you know, that also gets some clicks. And people want Scott to wear Oakley's or a dead down wind scent blocker or something like that. Some intern walking into the Oakley marketing department like, hear me out. They're like, you're, you let go. We're more of a cool guy on a bike or snowboarding sort of company.

And what if he snowboards over, you know, a snow leopard, slitting his throat as he goes? It's like, no, that's not what we want. Well, speaking of hunting and leopards, so like as soon as I got out here to Utah, I noticed a lot of trucks drying around with, like, dog boxes in the back. Like, you'd have for, like, hunting bear back in Georgia. But there's like, I mean, it's like red rock out of it. It looks like a roadrunner cartoon. Just red rocks and cliffs and campuses. There's no, like, woods or anything.

And as a friend of mine, I was like, what are y'all hunting out here? There's no, like, I mean, there's a couple. like big horn sheep and some mule deer but there's just no animals here i was like what are y'all hunting that you need dog boxes and they're like mountain lions i was like what they're like yeah they're like an invasive species there's so many mountain lines here it's like all year round you can shoot mountain lions out here like we go hunt them i was like wow like like i like i like cats a lot so like i don't know like if i'd really be down for like like shooting a cat because like they're the biggest cats that's still purr but at the same time though i'm just like wow i live somewhere where like

mountain lines are a nuisance now. Like that's a new one. I'm like southwestern Utah. Damn. And like apparently they were running with dogs. And I was just like, man, I just always thought that'd be like a protected endangered animal. But apparently they're everywhere.

I haven't seen one. But also I'm like out of shape and lazy so I don't go like hiking. I mean, unless there's going to be a mountain line lurking out by my 93 roadmaster every morning when I drive two miles to work because I'm too lazy to walk. You saw a bobcat. Woody and I saw a bobcat in the woods one time. but I've never seen anything bigger than that. Maybe at the zoo, obviously, or something like that,

but not in the wilds. Now, that would have been a Gator video. At the zoo? Mountain line. They say he's the king of the jungle. The Gator show will be back between three to five. I mean, I've been mulled by a cougar, but I married her, so it was okay. I see what we did here.

Yeah, some places you can't kill mountain lions or cougars or whatever. You have to wait for seasons at least, but it doesn't make sense they could get invasive anywhere they're not wanted because they're pretty sly. They're not dumb. Oh, totally. I mean, and I've been, I've seen just about every animal known to man, but I've seen like, I've seen probably 45 whales in the wild. I've seen like two bobcats in my entire life. Like they are so sneaky. Y'all must have been super stealthy because like you just,

you hear them, you know they're there, you never see those things. We're so stealthy. I, I had the same thought because like I hunted my whole life in North Georgia, and I've never seen one. Like morning and night, I'd be sitting in a deer stand before and after the sunset. Never saw one. I don't think I ever heard one. But we were on Mount Currahee in Toco, Georgia, like where they were in Van der Brothers.

and we were in that wilderness area doing this like survival camping trip thing where we went with very limited supplies for a week and me and Woody were walking through there and we were actually like on one of the gravel roads that goes through the wilderness area and we just look up and it's also

crossing the road and it kind of looked up at us and just kept moving and it was it was big it was like small dog size and they're really distinctive looking like I knew definitely but yeah that's the only one I've ever seen I was talking to my dad about that like last week, you know, he's been here his whole life. He's 70. I was like, have you ever

seen a Bobcat? He's like, never, never have to see Bobcat. Same thing. I grew up, same thing. You got in northwest Georgia. I saw one over in kind of middle Georgia on the east side. I was on my motorcycle and just kind of came around a curve and near sunset. It was crossing the road. It's off for a split second. Another time, we were camping and just like woke up and it was like kind of crossing a field. Like, same thing. Like they're just stealthy little ninjas. but at the same time, like, I can lose two 10-pound house cats in my living room, because if those suckers don't want to be found, they can just, they're over there, like, hiding behind books and stuff.

Like, as stealthy is just like your average house cat in your living room can be with all the woods. It's just amazing. It's funny the way they, I think some of those animals range, like, they don't sort of, like, fade off. It's like, they're here. They're not here and a little bit sprinkled over there. Like, armadillos in Georgia are like that.

I had never seen an armadillo until I was, like, 20 years. old and we were going to go to some bike rally south of Athens. And I was like, what fuck is that? It's running across the road. I slammed on the brakes. I was like, I think it's an armadillo. Like, I had never seen one of my life. We chased it.

We tried to catch the fucker. Oh, they're fast. You're not catch one of those things. So I lived in Athens for about 25 years. I have caught one before. Really? Wow. Well, you're fast.

I had a friend of mine as a professor at UGA and they had like one of the big UGA properties down in middle Georgia. There was like a bound. Like every year with all his grad students down there studying like forestry and stuff, if anybody could catch an armadillo. I don't know what the bounty was. In like 30 years, nobody ever caught one. They are crazy fast. So well done.

I was in Texas and out on the Ox Ranch and we saw an armadillo. And it had been a weird day. Like the whole day had been experiencing the wilderness and the animals. And he's also got like kangaroos and like weird exotic game animals there like kudos and weird red deer. He's got a, you name it. He was looking at getting hippos last I heard. But I saw that. I ate some kangaroo just yesterday.

We had hand caught a porcupine, and the guy had choked. There was like an old Indian there who literally taught me how to handle a porcupine, like quills only go one way. And I'm like holding this big fucker up by his tail. It must have weighed, I don't know, 20 pounds or something. He was a big boy. Yeah, they're bigger. And then I had met the camel, and I had met the kangaroo,

and I went to give the kangaroo a carrot, and he didn't eat it out of my hand. he reached out and took it from me like a person and that was like yeah give me that and he was like it's like bugs bunny I was blown away by the that I'd never seen a kangaroo before and then like we saw that armadillo

and I was like I guess I was a little hyped up from all the other crocodile hunter shit we'd done and I just took off chasing it and I could hear them yelling something I think they were yelling they carry leprosy but I couldn't do that at the time so like just as he got to his burglarship I grabbed his tail.

And I'm trying to pull him out. And his little legs are like clawing trying to get into the burrow. And I was a little worried I was going to hurt his tail. So I'll let him go. But I can get leprosy, it's all good. Yeah, you feel. Supposedly, a lot of them carry leprosy, but most people are immune to leprosy, apparently.

That's true. Oh. Yeah. But, yeah. The word armadillo is a Spanish adaptation of an Arawak Indian name, a word that meant turtle rabbit, which makes perfect sense. Perfect.

It was the same group that gave us the avocado, which is their word for testicle fruit. So they were a pretty literal culture. Creative lunch. I bet it's easy to learn. You're whack. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

You just describe whatever it is, exactly. These guys got like 65 words, bro. A lot of compound stuff. But like the armadillos in Athens, they turn my neighbor's yard into like a Viet Cong tunnel complex. I mean, they dug his entire yard I don't know why they didn't pick mine, but they dug his yard to pieces. They just come over and eat my cat food and bounce,

but yeah, those things are prehistoric, crazy-looking little animals. I see dead ones constantly on the road. Yeah, they're not good. They apparently don't have very good eyesight. Like that same professor buddy that's telling you about that would challenge all his students to catch one,

they would make these traps for them. They'd take like a metal trash can and just bury it like flush with the top of the ground, and they put peanut butter in it to try to lure them in and catch them to study them or whatever. But he said they'd only bait about half of the garbage cans. He said they would catch just as many of them in the non-baited cans.

They just snuffle around and just fall into stuff. Like they have like terrible eyesight, apparently. But they just stumble in. They don't, they don't care though. Like I was working under my car in my garage one day. And I heard like this snuffling sound like a dog sniffing stuff. But it was this armadillo. It just came in, walked under the car, kind of smelled my head and just walked back out.

Just didn't care. I'm in there running like a welder and an air ratchet. Didn't care at all. And there's an old, like, y'all probably old enough, but Mutual of Omaha, you said these nature shows that come on PBS at night. And Marty Stouffer was this guy. He was like an early kind of nature filmmaker. And he had one. He shot down in, like Louisiana somewhere. And it's this armadillo. And he's cruised along in the leaves. And this mountain line, like a cougar, just like jumps out of a log and jumps on top of it, like bites it, like bites it, kind of kicks at it and lets it go.

And it just kind of keeps snuffing the ground. And the cat jumps on it again and goes like, like three or four times. This thing just attacks the armadillo. easy let's go. The armadillo just, it doesn't run away. It just goes back to sniffing the ground. Eventually, the cat just got bored and wandered off. They just kind of can't be arced about anything. They just sort of cruise around and smell stuff and just do their thing. I always worry about hitting one on a motorcycle, though. Do you think it would like skip out your wheel? Like, is it like hitting a turtle? Yeah.

Or would be more like hitting a slightly armored possum. Oh, you'd wreck for sure. You'd wreck for sure if you hit one square on. Like, I know I would. I don't have a lot of recovering from death wobble. barmadillo impact experience. Maybe Woody could keep it up, but I'm going down. Yeah, it seems like it would go. Seems like it would go badly. I know they do this thing, apparently,

because cars will try to straddle them when they see them in the road. They'll freeze up and go into their ball, and the car will try to straddle them to save them. But they have a defense mechanism where they do like a, like those little roly-poly bugs, the ones that will snap and jump. Oh, yeah. It gets under the car, gets freaked out, and jumps and hits the undercarriage. Oh, bad.

I uh bad news yeah but they're only south of Athens or like south athens down there like we I'd never seen one in northeast Georgia like you know I'm kind of near Lake Hartwell like that area up in the corner that's weird we have yeah they're on the roads everywhere here and we're pretty north of you yeah I just not here I just moved out of Gainesville yeah there was a few up there but not as many south that whole Athens bit though there's kind of that whatever they call the coastal escarpment or whatever like from like where you are in Hartwell kind of down through Lake Lanier and all that.

That's kind of up on this little plateau when you drop down. Because Athens has got like cancasses in the woods and sandy bits. It's kind of coastal all the way and completely different terrain than just... Yeah, the soil change is completely different when you go from North Georgia and transition all the way to South Georgia.

It becomes like that sandy, weird stuff. Whereas in North Georgia it's like red clay everywhere. Yeah, totally. It's like that kind of 85 is kind of the frontier almost. Yeah. There used to be giant art. armadillos in North America that were like the size of a Volkswagen beetle. They were like 4,000 pound giant armadillos that lived alongside humans here.

And we probably killed them into extinction because what people were doing, they were so big, people would kill the giant armadillos and live inside of their shells like teepee. Whoa, that's some Flintstone kind of stuff. You can, there are caves you can go into that had been, that were dug by those. And you can still see their ancient, like three-fingered clawing. marks on the wall where they were burrowing. And the tunnels are big enough for a person to walk through. That's cool.

You made the three finger claw marks? I was gone. Giant armadillos. Okay. Okay. Like, are we in with aliens? What I come back to? In the world of giant animals, that's the, I wouldn't mind coming up against,

not against, but near one of those. Because like, I don't think they'd have any interest in you. They'd still be rooting around looking for, I don't know, a lot of bugs or something. Yeah. I doubt they eat people. no but then like but apparently though like like ant eaters care really dangerous like all the ones have like the claws that dig into like termite mounds and stuff yeah like the um like the what's the one the pangolins and the armadillos i mean the ant eaters like apparently like an eater

can like murk like a jaguar or something like if they get tangled up with a big cat they got these six inch razor claws they're apparently really dangerous i'm sure you've been asked this before but what's the biggest animal you could beat up in an octagon me personally yeah yeah Oh, I mean. The animal's angry and it knows it's a fight. Has to be a land animal. Angry, it knows this fight. Has to be a land animal.

Because I would choose a blue whale. It sounded like coming on a mile. Yeah. It couldn't take them after my flurry of blows. It dried out. I mean, I might go with something stupid like a giraffe because it seems like the hard parts of the giraffe

are like really high. So if I could like tackle two of his legs, his legs and hold him together. Like if I could just like get two of his legs together and throw him off balance, get him on the ground. I might have a chance. You're a confident man. Some would say overconfident. That's the biggest animal I've ever heard anyone ask this question say. Like giraffes kill a giraffe's like fuck up hyenas and stuff. Like I don't think it's probably bad. Yeah. I don't think anything fucks with elephants. But I saw a giraffe like it was a pride of lions trying to kill a giraffe.

and one of them like jumped up on its hind quarters but then kind of fell a little bit and the giraffe did like a little trampling and like kicking motion as it was running away and the nature doc David Attenborough was like and this lion would die and it was like because it like totally crushed destroy I also think I could beat a 40 foot tall moose if I try to double leg on it there's nothing weird about that you do a really good David Attenborough by the way though that was actually Yeah, and I'm sure I probably would have died spectacularly, but I get on my head, the giraffe, like the dangerous parts of the giraffe are like really high, like with the little horns. And if I could like sneak up on the giraffe where he doesn't know, I'm like, he doesn't know it's a fight.

I guess you said he knows it's a fight. So maybe that would be different. You're in an octagon in this scenario. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's. Just walk sideways at him. Oh, look at that. Yeah, exactly.

He's all tangled in the ropes. Get him. No, you said the dangerous part is the. head for sure, but like the legs are your size and I bet they're the strongest that there's no human that could like overpower a pair of giraffe legs. Yeah, and my head I'm going to do like the like the leg

like just do like a leg and arm wrap and get two legs together. Oh, that'll be adorable. But yeah, I would probably die. 16 to 18 feet, 3,000 to 4,200 pounds. Yeah, that's not happening. Could it be a baby giraffe? When it's still doing that goofy, like, Bambi splay?

Yeah, I'm in there. Yeah, baby, baby giraffe. A baby giraffe, yeah, he was going down. But, yeah, that's, I can't. I mean, even like animals, like, when my cats would bring, like, a chipmuck in the house, I've got, like, welding gloves and a face mask. Like, I'm pretty leery of, like, small, cute animals because they've got teeth and claws. Like, I don't even like picking up lizards if they're just going to go up your sleeve or something.

So, like, yeah, when it comes time, like, actually fighting animals, like, let's see, what have I, what have I almost punched out? I thought I was going to punch a shark out one time, but it turned out to be a dolphin. But then it turned out to be a dolphin chasing me back into my boat because there was a shark. So I was prepared to punch the shark. I just didn't have to, thanks to the dolphin. I'm sure that would have worked that well. I probably not. I mean, at least, I mean, he was probably going to eat me because I was in, like, four miles.

off shore in about three feet of water, but at least I would have got in my chin. Where was this that it was so shallow? It's off the shore of Pensacola, Florida. So I had this boat, and I was down on the Gulf, kind of camping along, kind of pulling in at night and camping and going back out. And I was practicing, like, I was always a little nervous, like, setting anchor at night. I was afraid he was going to drift off or something. So a few miles offshore, it's only like three feet deep, but it's just perfect white sand,

but you're like three or four miles out. Like, oh, this would be a perfect place to practice. So I dropped the anchor kind of back down on it. Then I got out of my boat and then walked over in the water to like where the anchor was to see how well it was seated in there. And like, you know, kind of that sixth cent, something's coming. Like I just like something's coming. Something's looking at me. I turn around and there's like a fin like coming at me in the water.

Like it's 10 feet away. Like I'm dead. I'm in three feet of water. I'm 50 feet from my boat. I'm toast. All I got on me is a GoPro and somewhere I have a video of this if I can find it. Like I've got a GoPro on a stick. And like I'm just like.

at the moment my brain said, it's a shark that's going to kill me. It was already on me, and it did like a U-turn. It was a big dolphin. And I was like, oh, cool, it's a dolphin. And then, like,

immediately, though, the dolphin does, like, one lap around me and then starts, like, biting at my feet. And, like, the GoPro is, like, pushing him away with the GoPro, like, because it's on, like, the little selfie stick. Yeah, I'm, like, bogging him. And he just nipped at my heels all then chased me

all the way back to my boat. Of course, I'm trying to run, like, three feet of water. And dolphins are like, I mean, they're big and cute and all that, but they're like 450 pound animals with a foot and a half mouth full of an inch long teeth. Like they could tear you up for they wanted to. This dolphin's like nipping at my feet just chasing me all the way back to my boat.

I'm clambering up the ladder. I flopping the deck of my boat. I'm out of breath. I'm just like, man, that guy was an asshole. And so like I finally get up to my feet and I'm in the boat. And my head's about, you know, 10 feet up off the bottom. And the dolphin, like, laps the boat one time and zips off. And I see like another dolphin about 50 feet out circling.

And I watch him. And it never comes up. and it circles and it gets closer. And it's like a 10-foot bull shark that was just cruising out. And looking back, like in my head, I'm thinking like, man, that dolphin probably knew the shark was there. And it's like, hey, dipshit, you're out here in shark water. You need to get back in the boat. And that dolphin, like, chased me back into the boat.

And which I, you know, I'm, I did a painting class sometime. Like, I taught a dolphin to paint and a sea lion, too. So, like, maybe I had some good dolphin karma working for me. So anyway, so that was the closest I've come to really fighting a legit animal. in recent years and that was I was about to punch the shark that turned out to be did you teach the dolefin to paint naked women I was working on that but he moved on he was uh dude you want to make 35 grand a weekend

get that sort of Miami with your titty painting dolphin and you're gonna make out I picture you standing there like arms crossed with a dirty smock as it paints and you're just shaking your head like terrible you're totally getting that yeah they're sure yeah they're The meeting looks terrible, flipper. You can do better than that. I know they're taught elephants do, but none of them are good. You load its blowhole up with paint and let it spray it on the ladies.

Yeah, Jackson Pollock style. Just, poof. Oh, I would hate that. You'd make an enemy. We'll make a fortune before Greenpeace gets to us. We're good. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sarah McClockland would be singing a song about some dolphin with paint inhalation.

Yeah, damn. Yeah, I just watched the video of Drew. Fatt's fighting. You're, you're up shoot. I'm toast. I chose poorly. I, you know, it's, it seemed like the most, it seemed like the most benign, big animal that would sound cool if I said I could fight it.

Taylor's answer was great. He's like, that is the biggest animal. And anyone has ever answered this question with. Like, yeah, I make poor choice. I make poor choices. I've heard horse before, but I, but I think you would have to get like an old sick horse or something.

I don't think any sort of healthy horse is going to bite you and kick you. like fuck you up. Especially if you've got like hemmed in so that it can't just leave. It's going to kick you to death. I think like realistically, I'm probably more like an alpaca with cerebral palsy kind of guy.

Oh, you know what? I honestly think I could take an ostrich. It's pretty big. Ostriches are mean, man. They got those, they can like eviscerate you with their Yeah, but people just grab her by the neck and completely control them. Yeah, that's true. You'd win the fight.

win the fight. I just don't, you might get scathed. My fear is what he's talking about, because I've seen I face down an emu one time. And I, and the guy was like, don't get too close to him, on the other side of the fence. No, no, in the wilderness, face down, emu. And the guy was like, don't get too close. He could disembow you. And he said it like that. And I was like, the fuck. And I looked at its toes. And they're not raptor claws, but I didn't want to. But I didn't want to get hit by one. And apparently they do this thing where they like flick them at you.

I think I could defeat the emu. I think you could defeat the ostrich. But it might get one of the, it's got a puncher's chance. No, Woody's not taking the ostrich. Like a good sized adult male, a large adult male. Tell me how big you guys think they are

just to get an idea. 140. And Kyle, what do you think? A large adult male that's like, first weight. Weight? Wait, weight and height. I'm going to guess they're like eight feet tall, maybe with like their crazy.

neck, maybe, but probably weigh like 100 pounds. Okay, and Woody, what do you think height was? You said 140? Six and a half. Six and a half. Chris, what do you think? I'm going to go, as you said, you're right about eight feet tall. Because me and a buddy and my got chased by someone one time.

They're about eight feet tall. I guess like 250. I'd say eight feet, 250 pounds. All right. Because they're like, that's how big I am. Good sized adult male is not. nine feet tall, weighing 320 pounds. Oh.

Nine feet three 20 is a little bit off. There's a reason they can't fly. That's basically a velocirapt. But how big are they really? Because I've seen them in petting zoos and they weren't that big. I think Taylor found Arnold Schwarzenberg and said that's a normal ostrich. They've been pumping me up. That's not like the.

That's just the high end of their range. I definitely could not take an ostrich, but I have killed an emu, but I hit it with a motorcycle, though, so it didn't really count. That's not a battle. You brought something outside into that. Yeah, he was just standing in the road right on my line. He kind of blended in because his little legs were so skinny, and he got to blend it in with the background. About time I saw him, it was too late. I still didn't take him.

I think, like, what he says, if you get a hold of that neck, and it's one of those things, like, maybe you grab the neck, and he'd pick you up with it. like I don't know if they have that kind of strength, but I imagine it being like I've grabbed like a big hose and I'm like come down here with me, cock sucker, and like I bring him down here and now I have like, I don't think I can snap his neck. I know his neck isn't a twig. If I choke him to death in like a minute,

like I don't know, I just feel like if I really clamp down on that neck and start bending and contouring it, and if I could really like start, if I could get a hold of his head, how big are their heads? Their heads are pretty small, but it says their talons on their feet

are about like, and four inches long. Fuck. Yeah, that's vital organ territory. I'm going to look at, I'm going to look for some pictures of ostrich's fighting. I asked chat, GBT. In summary, it says an adult male could possibly beat it, but it would be a very bad bet. And he does mention that strong arms could control the neck, but overall it thinks the ostrich wins.

Yeah, we have no talents. Oh, its feet are so big, dude. I think people underestimate how effective a grab is in a lot of fights. True. They've never been grabbed, but that could also make them be like, panic, and then just start, who, ho, ho, ho, ho, just taloning. And you get caught with one of those, like one of those in your midsection, suddenly you don't want to fight. I still say I could defeat the ostrich, I could defeat the emu. I think I could defeat almost all of the big dogs. Like I could defeat a German Shepherd, but I don't think I could defeat a wolf or any of the bigger, scarier dogs. I think actually, like a king corso or like maybe i've always said like one of the times when i would i don't know if woody's dog could have killed me or not like if woodie had let jack get me i think it would have been a coin flip if if i lived or not like if i couldn't get away yeah he was so big and scary and he met business that like there's that thing about it's not the what is it the size of the dog

in the fight the dog he had both going for him they never tell you about it's not the what is it the size of the dog at that dog who's enormous and has a huge propensity for violence. He wanted it. It wasn't one of those like I'm half scared, half defensive kind of like aggressions. It was like, motherfucker, I'm him.

Bring it. I want to taste man flesh. I thought ostriches were about the size of men, like height, I should say. I knew they're wildly different shapes, but that's a big animal. And that's not even a big one. like think that guy's like say he's like

it looked pretty big to me no no but I mean like that that guy's not nine feet the ostrich was not nine feet tall find a picture of his feetcies I want to see the claws because that that to me is like everything that doesn't even like a real ostrich to me this looks like a stuffed one I maybe it's just the pictures

its face looks weird to me it is from Chad GPT so you can't be sure yeah that looks like a dinosaur yeah that looks like a dinosaur yeah that looks so dinosaurish Do I see two toes? Yeah. Yeah, they got two toes.

Oh. Yeah, we're not. And that, that talon is like to put size perspective, that talon's like four inches long. It almost be worse if it was, or better if it was five toes. I feel like taking whatever it's going to do to me and spreading it across five toes, could be less than having it focused into one point of a rip and tear. Yeah, one big disemboweling slash. Yeah.

As opposed to five shams. shallow ones. Yeah. Like the fear with fighting those wild boar is like I said, they had those tusks and they do this thing where they shake their heads left and right and they try to use them to hook and tear. And they're at the right height to get your femoral artery. Like that's

it's a recipe to get killed. Pit bull research recently. And it's the same thing. It's not that their bite is the hardest. That's a German shepherd. It's their propensity to bite and shake and not let go. That's why they're more deadly than other dogs. I'm going to go out on a lamb.

I bet Christopher Michaels is pro pit bull. Funny enough, I am very anti-pit bull, but because I witnessed a pit bull, like, so like somebody I knew had like four kind of rescue pit bulls and like one kind of shepherd dog. And they were all super sweet. You go over the house. They had a pool. We go over the swamped the pool. They'd roll around the ground, leg and kiss.

They were super sweet dogs. And like one day somebody came to wherever in the pool and somebody came to the gate. And all five of the dogs over there just jumping and you've been all excited. And like somebody must have stepped on somebody's toe or something. The four of those dogs just shredded the shepherd dog into like pieces of chicken. And then just went right back to being all happy dogs with the blood all over their face and just killed their friend and were just right back in it. And I was like, no, after that.

Yeah. I just could never, I've never been able to do pit bulls after that. And I have some friends with them who are super sweet dogs. But I just, I just feel like somewhere. He was never one of us. Exactly. Yeah. There was just some switch.

there precisely. I defaulted to pro pit bull. I have this thing where everyone hates on it and I'm like contrarian enough to defend that thing that everyone's hating on. But as you look into it more and more and do more research, it all points in the same direction. There are no studies where they're like, you know, pit bulls are kind of overly frowned upon.

It's not fair. No, they all say the same thing, that this is a big problem. They're genuinely just, they have that switch in them that we'll get flipped oftentimes and it's not okay. Pit bulls are the Israel of the dog world. Once you start digging into it, once you start doing a little research, you see. That is a, that is a nobody's ever made that analogy, but not completely get what you're saying. You haven't read my blog. They triggered those dog Samson option.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I mean, if you had one that you were keeping at home and your private property, I think pit bull should be treated like machine guns probably or like rocket launchers and stuff like that you should be able to have one I believe in a very free country and a limited government but you should probably have to go get a license for your pit bull that should be classified the same way we classify certain firearms

as being assault weapons that's an assault dog you have an assault dog now you just got to get rid of it if you have a four year old can have a seizure next to a rocket launcher and nothing's going to happen like try that next to a pit bull it's going to rip a throat out i don't think you can get rid of them necessarily you can and i don't know how you would do that you know like you don't want people going door to door to door we always talk about people going door to door gun snatching can you imagine if they're stealing people's dogs no you just you just like slowly you just make it like

yeah we're not we're not selling these dogs anymore sell them do you think people owners go to the pet shop okay well then stop breeding there's no more breeding them you can't breed these anymore and have dangerous dogs at the dog park. So we'll find people legally culpable if they have a pit bull that had sex in their yard? No, but if they're breeding them to sell and it's like, hey, we already had the pit bull. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Kyle's nonprofit pit bull program. We only take donations here, actually. I promise you, like, like, if you want to get rid of pit bulls, it requires the iron fist of Big Brother to go door.

to door euthanizing dogs in front of families. It would get rid of a lot of them if you just did what I said, though. Like drinking went down tremendously during Prohibition. Didn't get rid of it entirely. And it created a black market, but it went down on it. You think there's going to be an Al Capone pit bull guy? His name is Michael Vic. Okay.

And we got him. We got him. Here's a funny Michael Big story. So in 2014, I'm in Berlin, Germany. I'm in this beer garden. I'm talking to the tables around me somehow. It's like two German guys and two dudes from England and me. And we're all debating about like gun control and they just think it's incredulous that why Americans,

why would you want to own guns when the police and the military have guns? Why would you need one? You know, they're not getting it. But anyway, throughout the conversation, one of them says, where are you from in America? And I said, Atlanta, Georgia. And one of the Germans kind of thoughtful, he was like, there's a lot of dog fighting in Georgia, yeah? and I was like, damn it, Michael Vick.

Like, that's the one thing. Like, globally, that's what Atlanta's known for is dogfighting because of Michael Vick. I was like, dang it. Fuck. We've been trying to make it about peaches, but he ruined it. Totally. And then Michael Vig actually got me again years later. So right after my Vinwiki story about my smuggler truck came out, I had a couple of diesel shops reach out to me and say, hey, we'd love to, like, sponsor you and, like, you know,

pick your truck up a little bit, get our name in there with your truck because it was in a magazine, some other stuff. And I found this one shop, and they contacted me. They're like, dude, we want to work with you. This sounds awesome. Like, cool. Get our parts list. So I go back to them with the parts list.

And they're like, actually, Michael Vick and his whole entourage got into diesel trucks. And, like, we're so busy tricking their trucks out. We're going to go with this, like, big round brodozer thing. So we're not doing trucks like yours anymore. And Michael Vick got me out of getting my truck overhauled. I was like, dang it, Michael Vick again. Foiled again by Michael Vick. Poiled again by Michael.

But the funniest story I have about Michael Vick, though, and this is my buddy Chase. Chase is an interesting dude, and he has a Michael Vick story that just cracks me up. So Chase is like into like the cosplay kind of stuff. You know, like they go to like those Dragon Khan and Comic Con as big conventions. People make all the cool costumes and stuff. So Chase, whose mother is German and he speaks German, he chose to be some character from some, and I don't follow like Marvel Universe or whatever, but some superhero movie. there's a Nazi in the comic book

and he's the Nazi. Maybe that might have been in. I'm not sure. So he's, no, no, no. He was just a regular guy. So he is dressed like, he is in a World War II Nazi uniform

dressed like a Nazi with these two girls that he's at the Comic Con with and he's trying to kind of hook up with the two girls. I think I'm getting this story right. Maybe he was just friends. I don't remember.

But anyway, he's with the two girls. They're at the hotel. Well, the two girls meet some like businessman who just happens to be at the hotel, not involved with the comic thing. He's super charming and charismatic. The four of them get in a limo and like go to a strip club. I think it's the pink pouting.

They go to strip club. So it's Chase dressed as a Nazi. Two chicks dressed up like some hot, you know, comic book characters. And this one business dude. Well, at some point, the business dude leaves with the two chicks and ditches Chase at the strip club, dressed as a Nazi. But he can speak German. And the girls in the club.

I guess they just see a guy in a military uniform. They just think he's a soldier. So they're just being all super nice to him, like rubbing his shoulders. So he's got like three, four girls deep just sitting in like a booth with all these girls all over him. With dressed as a Nazi, when the girls aren't really getting that it's an anachronistic military outfit. Well, somehow Michael Vick is in the same club that night and is watching all this go down. Sees Chase get like his chicks split with this other dude, sees him work the Nazi thing with these strippers, thinks that's hilarious and invites him to go hang out with them in the VIP.

He ends up like popping bottles in the VIP and clubbing it up with Michael Vig and his entourage, all because he got ditched for a businessman, took his threesome away and left him dressed as a Nazi. And he was like, that guy won't judge me. Exactly. What if he thought the same as the girls? And he's like, first of all, thank you for your service. This guy must be high ranking because he's completely swagged out. He's going to get to go boss. What do you get the skulls?

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Code PCA 10 to save 10% off any of our merch that is linked below. Check that out. Yep, check it all out. I got my blood work from my Merrick stuff the other day and my thyroid was a little bit off and they're like, let's put you on this desiccated pig thyroid. So I'm going to start taking that now. Pretty pumped about that.

Don't know what it does. Well, you're going to go. You're going to go. You're going to get it. You're going to fill your beard out and really thistally. I get real oinky. Man, Kyle's been fucking crap. Frankie the last few episodes, if you noticed that.

It means dried out. Yeah. Yeah. Any other cool stuff from your blood results? You have the T levels of a 17-year-old on steroids? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I absolutely do. Yeah, they're really, really high.

Cholesterol is all good. Everything was good. Vitamin D was low. Vitamin D was low, and my thyroid was. off just a little bit like nothing too concerning so just that was it going on 10,000 iUs or something of vitamin d a day or something crazy like that absorption rate must be 1% or something yeah like the the fat soluble version of it i think is supposedly better like it's hard to uptake it or something i don't i don't really know yeah i don't know no i always enjoy uh working with the people at merrick

it's always they've got all sorts of goodies they can prescribe you all sorts of peptides and and alternate therapies for things. It's good stuff. Did you ask him about ketamine? Oh, I didn't. I've got another, like, meeting with them for some other stuff. So I'll, uh, I'll ask him. I'm almost certain they don't do ketamine because everything they do is more like physical

performance enhancing and like bro hacking and stuff like that. They do some stuff a lot of people don't. That's true. Normally I only prescribe this to my equine. Is that what horse mean? Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, yeah, that's fair.

I don't want any horse steroids. That seems like a bad idea. I think that's what Trinblone is. I think that Trinblone, I may be wrong about this, but I read this a long time ago about some steroid, and I think it's Trinblone. So like testosterone, they make it for people. And so people are prescribed it,

but then there are also people who abuse it. There are bodybuilders who don't have a prescription. I don't think of that's as common anymore because of TRTs everywhere. But it used to be they had, it was illegal testosterone, but it was meant for people. But with Trenblone, I think what it is is a horse steroid that's meant to be injected in like a pellet form into the horse's like butt or something like that. Not up its asshole, but like into its flesh, into its flank or whatever. And I think that they take those pellets and they do some chemistry lab stuff to isolate the Trenblone.

And then people use that. sounds super catchy i don't want to be part of that i don't eat horse steroids anyway that sounds like a bad idea i don't like all the other side effects like guys are getting gay guys are banging anything that rides the bus the cough like oh yeah with trend below specifically yeah yeah and really bad aggression and just just all of the side effects that you've heard steroids might do but that one's just the worst at it those guys there there are these influencers i can't remember their name they're brothers. And I think they're called the trend twins.

I think they're called the trend twins. And like, if memory serves, they're in their like 20s, but they look like they're in their 30s. And they look, they're enormous. They're incredibly powerful and strong. And they get bigger every day seemingly. But they're like abusing hard steroids and paying the cost with their heart health, with their skin, with their aging, with their hair, all that stuff.

It looks bad. and then that Samson guy there's a bodybuilder I think called Samson we were looking at and he looks impossibly big he looks like he was inflated with a fucking hose

he's so pumped up and enormous I've seen some days like that amazing the Trent twins yes trend twins you're a I've seen some days like that before though like yeah they're just like

so giant upper body in bulk but I'm just like looking at their arms I'm like you, how do you even zip your pants? Like, you can't touch your fingers. Like, your chest and arms are so big. You probably can't even touch your fingertips.

Like, how do, like, how do these, like, there's got to be a certain point. Like, you stop fitting in cars and, like, you just can't function. Like, I don't know. Ronnie Coleman was like that. Like, you would see Ronnie Coleman wearing a suit, and he looked fake. Like, it didn't look real. Like, like, when Ronnie Coleman would just walk past you, I see in these videos when he's at his prime.

He doesn't look human. He looks like an anime character. He looks like that one anime character that's just jacked beyond belief. But there he is in real life, just fucking enormous. He was so big. You can get to a point where you, like, graduate out of what girls like. Oh, yeah. You know, like, first there's a stage where, you know, girls think you look amazing.

And then both guys and girls think you look amazing. And then after a while, only guys are impressive. with this physique. I don't know why I think it's a cliche, but no one wants to fuck Jay Cutler is a thing I've heard many times. No one wants to fuck him. There's that one photo of him

looking up to the left from his like food and he's so huge and but he's also fat. Like he looks like shit. Yeah, try to find the one I'm talking about where he looks awful. Okay. But even like his peak on stage, it's just

that's not the bull's eye for most people. Some guys like to be big and strong. Like, who's a movie star that's big and strong? Arnold maybe? Maybe that's too far. Wow. That's the photo. That's it.

That's bad, bad. Yeah. Yeah, it's like they photoshopped a smaller head on to like. Did you find like a prime j. Cutter at the same time? I want to see him at a minute. his best best. Yeah, show him when he won the

Olympia. Yeah, I think he's if he's not a five-time winner, he's a four-time winner. He's one of those guys. Nobody wants to bang him. God, dang. No one's everywhere. Somebody does, but yeah, so you're right. I don't think that this is like aesthetically pleasing

to the broad, the broadest like slice out of like women who would be you know, what they want. But I bet that they're like girls who follow the bodybuilding circuit who are super into not just this, but whoever's the absolute biggest. Like there's some chicks who that that sport has to have like some bunnies. You know what I mean? I have that same. I was like the thing is, sure, most women don't want this.

Most women look at this and think it's a little repelling. But there have to be a couple gym bunnies on the stairmaster right now dreaming of a guy. who looks something like this. And that girl in the Starmaster must be a ride. Yeah, that sport definitely has bunnies. It definitely has like chicks who are after the champ. You said something in there. Like, you know, you had these amazing pictures on your Tinder profile.

And I don't know if Christopher knows just how fit Kyle got. Hang on, let me see. I got a good one. I was clearing up my phone the other day. And I was like, this is the one Zach should show. So we really pumped my ego up. All right. And Kyle was like the girls that swipe right.

on this version of me are girls who are really into fitness and that's that's pretty dope. Chris, you're going to be surprised what Kyle looks like. I mean, my version of fitness is like I'm going to working on fitness sandwich in my face. I've never been burdened with an excess of athleticism. Yeah, this is a good one. I think I'll just drop it on Imager. Is it okay to drop on an imager? I guess.

Yeah, damn it. I have some sort of ad blocker stopping everything from working. Hold on. I mean, I've had like the vestiges of abs a couple of times in my life, but now that I'm in my mid-50s,

not happening. Oh, that's pretty jacked. Oh, did he get it going? Yeah, that's right. You beat me to it. Good. Yeah, because like, you know, like on camera,

kind of you're just sort of this face in the dark there with the headset on but yeah that's that's pretty uh that's some action figure stuff right there dude right so the girls to swipe right on that are the girls that look like that but girl version mostly mostly well probably lots i like the i like the fatties so it's a real problem more cushion for i like a girl but i like a two gallon of body paint kind of girl you know what i mean one won't cut it i might have to dilute it with some water thin this out. Do you ever have to do that so much? It was like you were watercoloring.

Yeah, just, yeah, just taking the, just get the pressure washer out. But no, it's, honestly, curvy people are fun or more fun to paint. Like, there's a lot more, not just like visibly, but like, like, like, from a body contour standpoint, if you're trying to, like, amplify somebody's shape with lines or color texture, like, people who are already curvy, you can get a lot more. exaggeration out of that. Like if you got like a really thin real person and you're trying to make them look curvy or something with lines or shapes or something, body paint wise, it's pretty hard. But if you got somebody that's got some curve to them, you can really amplify that.

So. Thinking like a caricature. Yeah, exactly. Did you ever get anybody? You ever been body painted Taylor? I'm sorry? I can't say I've ever been body painted. No. We used to get our faces painted when we'd have football games and elementary. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. He paid it. He paid a dollar. $1.50, you got the full lion face. Wow. A quarter, a paw.

I've had that done at the zoo. It just does the eyes. Oh, well, you're a fool not to go the full dollar. The buck 50. But then you start picking at it, you know, by lunch, you know? And by recess, you look like you look like you've got full-blown syphilis or something like that. Your flesh is falling off.

By the time you get home, you look like a fool, like a frog. You look like only use me blade that time. they made him into pepe yeah like that yeah yeah we were the lions and our color was green so chris would have made that pepe a lot better i could have done it yeah oh yeah every time i got my face painted as a kid i remember like occasionally not occasionally they'd always have the booth at the zoo but every time i went as a kid i wouldn't always do that but then you'd sometimes get something and it was always like within the next hour you were like opening your mouth or like moving your face in like Jim Carrey

directions because you're like itches but if I can just crack that area over my eye all right that's a little more comfortable but now you've ruined it now it looks like shit now all the other kids at the zoo are like wow that guy looks nothing like a penguin I always wanted to be in a scenario

where we needed to paint our faces like some sort of tactical situation I saw that in Hunger Games yeah that's a little different that guy somehow used his cake decorating techniques to make himself into the predator. Like he became a mossy floor.

I saw the parody of it. He's like, I use my cake decorating skills to hide. And then they pan the camera and he's like a four-layer wedding cake. He could have used that. He could have used that time to like find a hiding spot. He was injured.

You could move. I hate those movies. I hate that. I know they're making more of them. I told you I've only, I've only seen one of those and it was in college. It must have been when the first one came out, maybe my sophomore junior year, and I was over at a friend's apartment. And one of my buddies was like,

dude, have you guys seen the Hunger Games movie? And we're like, no. He's like, it's really fucking cool. It's awesome. Let's watch it. And he like put this on and we start watching it.

And we maybe get like a third of the way through. And we're all just like stone silent watching. And my buddy was turns to us. And he's like, I'm so sorry. I swear, I remember it being good. And we said he turned it off. It's not bad because, look, I think they're really well-made movies. And all the acting's great.

Donald Sutherland's the big bad guy. Philip Seymour Hoffman is in there as like the rusty confidant. And then what's her name? Pretty girl. Jennifer Lawrence is there. You're a star. And she's bright-eyed, fresh-faced, and she's perfect. And even the premise of it that she's going to volunteer for this fight to the death amongst children pulled from all the regions except for the one that rules over them.

That's cool. I like that super dystopic. I think they were choosing your little sister. Yeah, yeah, they were choosing her little sister. And so she volunteered to take the little sister's place and go fight in the crazy games and everything. I liked all that. But then when we got into the games, it was pussy. It was PG-13 immediately. I'm here to watch kids die. All right? The original was Battle Royale. It's the Japanese film where they do this. That's what Battle Royale video games are based on. That's what this movie. I don't know. I don't know if the books were written after the Battle Royale movie actually, so that'd be a good question. But the Battle Royal movie is kids murdering each other with like Uzi's and like sides and blades

and like it's really dark. I think there's parts where like the children are seducing each other even to like trick them into getting stabbed to death. And they're all like 15 or something. They're young kids who have been for and they've been, they're being forced into this thing. It's super dark. And then I watch the Hunger Games and it's just like, I haven't seen a kid die yet. and I'm not believing that these little kids would do anything other than just get killed immediately, very bloodily and violently.

There was a wild skill differential in hunger games. Like some of them were trained murderers, jack, strong, like threatening 18 years old. Some of them were six and adorable and clearly just cannon fodder. That part made no sense too. So like the reason for that for anyone who doesn't know here, and I think it's interesting. some of the districts have decided that this whole tribute thing, they don't want to do a random selection of their children. They're going to put forward their like some badass kids

and they're trained their whole lives to kill children. And so you're taking like a volunteer child who's always been a volunteer child who's a trained killer with like the sword and the bow and the spear and like hand-to-hand combat. And then you're randomly picking a random kid from this like coal mining region and just throwing their kids up against them. It's so retarded. It'd be over so quick.

It wouldn't even be fun to watch. You'd want a little bit of parody, you know. If it were football, you would never even question that the kids who trained football their whole lives would win against the kids who'd never played a game of football. But because it's fighting and deception, we think that the coal mining kid or the Baker's son who hold a lot of flour sacks is going to be the guy for us.

Bullshit. I'd use it. It should be the worst behaved. kid. You could have, you could get those places run spick and span. Yeah. Oh, I definitely went to school with some psychotic kids up in the country. But like the, I only saw the movies. I did not read the books. But like, I remember correctly though, like they were capable of like, they could just like press a button and just sort of like generate these like wolves or birds or whatever into existence. Like they were, it almost seemed more interesting in

some sort of like a George Orwell kind of diastopian future thing. But when they're just like kind crapping on physics as we know it, it just seemed like, all right, if you got the technology to just summon a storm or a animal out of nowhere, then, you know. Everybody's hungry. Yeah, exactly. Like, y'all should be living in, living to be 300 years old. I never considered that.

But like, sometimes I just like let go of the, any part of me that knows even a little bit about science or mechanics or, or like whatever the thing. I watched Core last night. Have you guys ever seen the movies before? core. The core. The core.

First of all, it's got an all-star cast. It's like Hillary Swank and I'm spacing out. But it's an all-star cast. A bunch of good actors. The premise of the movie is this. The core of the earth has stopped spinning as fast as it's supposed to. And there are now geomagnetic storms.

And the earth is going to lose its magnetic shield. And all life on earth is going to be gone in a year. And so we have to go to the center of the earth. in a make-believe, like, drilling laser, ultrasonic-powered nuclear machine with a team and use nuclear weapons to restart the core of the Earth from the inside. Yeah, it's like a lava submarine. It's a lava submarine, and they are boring to the center of the earth, and on the nose of this, like, lava submarine, is a giant lasers and some sort of

ultrasonic matter discombobulator and so they bore to the center of the earth and the whole the whole way they're getting like people are getting melted and burnt up and crushed it's it's a terrible movie but if you stop

if you just there's a part where they need to make a nuclear weapon bigger so they take the plutonium out of their reactor that powers their ship and just duct tape it to another nuclear weapon like it's dynamite and more stuck to it will like make it bigger that's not how it works. And there's a thousand things like that that are,

I mean, the laser machine that they build to go to the center of the earth is poppycock. The whole movie. But if you let all that go, it's a fun little popcorn movie. Yeah, I mean, I can do that with movies, say like, I don't know, like Guardians of the Galaxy or Star Wars or something.

It's like, we're okay, I'm just going to deep dive that we've got all this crazy technology and that's going to lead it. But like, I guess Hunger Games, which seem to be a really interesting treaty on like human nature and greed and you know this sort of fighting against oppression like there's a lot

of like really human parts of it and it seemed distract class struggle that the yeah class struggle but then they throw in all this crazy super science and physics to it that just becomes distracting but I agree with like just focus on this the human story of it but yeah new concept though the weapons were cool

all like nice like aluminum and stainless steel stuff like as a metal sculpture there was a pretty dope artwork in those movies Kyle I'm looking up quotes from the core, I'm getting like deuce chills. Like reading from Taz

the rat, Finch. He says, you want me to hack the planet? He wants me to hack the planet. Okay, if I decide to do this, I'll need an unlimited supply of xenotapes and hot pockets. General Thomas Purcell, hot pockets. He says, that'll help me

concentrate. He says, Dr. Josh Keen says, sounds fair. Dude, that character is the cringiest. You hit it on it. He's like, they have this FBI criminal hacker. They force him to basically pull disinformation on the global internet. So any chatter out there about why are there geomagnetic storms destroying all of Rome, which is a thing that happens. Rome gets struck by so much lightning from a magnetic storm that the Coliseum literally explodes from

lightning into like bits and the whole city of Rome is destroyed. I'm watching the clip of them like entering the core and you can, the way they show that it's hot is that the guy in the submarine is sweaty. Ah, well, that's because they had to use some of their liquid nitrogen to purge the rear of the ship earlier and get out once they accidentally crashed into a gigantic geode and then a piece of the amethyst or the sapphire or whatever in the geode got stuck in their nose of their ship and they had to get out and cut it off with some sort of a magical blow torch, and then get back in the ship. So to cool the rear of the ship down and up to exit, they use some of their liquid nitrogen,

and so now they don't have enough to keep the ship at a comfortable temperature. And then there was like, it's hard. Yeah, it was like some saying where like the guy, like the scientist guy has to like go somewhere, he has to save everybody in the ship and kind of sacrifice himself. He's got to go turn some switch. And it's like so hot, like his glasses are cracking, but he's at somehow still like. able to talk and he's like flash me like basically i've had too much and they yeah vent him and vaporized and whatever but like like you know there's enough temperature where his glasses are cracking but like his

beard isn't curling up and he can still talk like yeah his eyes should have been bleeding and his face should have been blistering so basically yeah he's got a suit that'll they'll stand up to 5,000 degrees but the rear of the ship is 9000 degrees and he's got to go back there and flip a switch to save the planet and so he just powers through it yeah that was that was pretty good yeah it's a real garbage film, but I watched the whole thing. Two and a half hours. Yeah. I'm waiting.

The girl is like, there's another hour of this. Movies have gotten too long. Let me say what I watched last night. And I'm going to recommend this one, even though it was garbage too. Masters of the Universe is free on Amazon. That's the new He-Man movie. I liked it. I liked it.

It was really campy. It was really cheesy. It was goofy in parts. But I liked it anyway. How long was it? I don't know. I watched the whole thing. I don't remember how long it was.

It wasn't crazy long or anything, but it's free on Amazon. Obviously, I love topless men, but I don't know if I want to watch a movie about it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that is a choice you have to make. There's a really hot girl in it. You know how I complain about race stuff, not making sense in movies sometimes. Idris Elba is the main character in this. Very black man, we all know.

Great guy, great actor. His daughter in the movie, is clearly biracial. They show her as a child and she's clearly biracial child. But then she grows up. Like we skip forward 15 years and it's now time to do He-Man shit. He-Man was once a boy. And now he's a man-grown and he has to, you know, go back to attorney and fight with

the He-Man sword. And that girl shows back up and now she's 15 years older. And a very white woman, a very attractive white woman. And I was just like, they couldn't find a black chick for this? This makes no sense. Michael Jackson? We've talked about that. I thought about that when I was watching it.

I almost said to my girlfriend, did she do like a Michael Jackson thing? Because otherwise, this makes no fucking sense. My girlfriend's over the, it says here she's part resilient, I guess. I'm like, nah, she's not nearly dark enough.

She's got blue eyes. It's a blue-eyed white woman with red hair and a big ass. Like, that was the only indicative thing. Red hair. Yeah. Tell me more about this butt. It doesn't seem likely.

It's a pretty nice butt. She's wearing like a skin tight, like superhero suit the whole movie. movie. It was a good time. It was, again, it's a he man and the masters of the universe movie, so you can bet on it being corny and cheap. Bad movies are only fun when they're trying to be good. So like the core, it probably would be fun to watch because you know, like, they're trying to make a good movie. Like, I'll never watch stupid stuff like Shark Nato because it's like they're almost doing that thing. where they're like, I don't, we know it's stupid and it's like ridiculous.

We don't even care. Like that's the whole point. Yeah, they're leaning into it too hard. It's like, no, I want to see them try and it just be funny. So, funny thing you mentioned that movie. So I'm involved with the movie project now. I can't really talk about. But the producer, I've got to be friends with him in this project.

And he's produced movies like, you know, a million dollar baby and Apocalypse Now and the Godfather. I mean, like some really big movies. And he and I were talking about, he also had a hand. in smoking the bandit and the cannibal run, which obviously cannibal runs a big part of my world. And we talked about those movies because, I mean, on paper, those movies are terrible.

I mean, continuity is awful. They pretty much improv did it. Everybody was drunk and high. And, like, it was just a complete shit show of a movie process. But these movies are just epic and awesome and amazing and everybody loves them. And it was that exact point you just made. Like, they weren't trying to make a great movie. They were just like, let's get a bunch of our friends together and just make it up as we go.

And it'll be hilarious. And like they weren't trying to make a great movie. And as a result, they made a great movie that's technically terrible, but spiritually awesome. And yeah, the movies that try, like, try so hard, like, if they just kind of go with it, it can be spectacular. And you just got to let it be organic. Like the first tremors? Yeah. First tremors, they were trying really hard to make a scary movie and seemingly.

And then I watched tremors too. And then I looked up the reception. And apparently because people thought it was so goofy, then they leaned into the goofiness. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. The first one's good. I stand by that. I bet if you look at the Rotten Tomatoes, it's like at 90% or something like that.

It's got good actors in it. Even that, like, every person in that town is a good character actor who has their own thing going for them. And the creature looks good. Like, it looks really good. And it was something new. Yeah, and it was genuinely scary. It was like under the ground. You didn't see it coming.

So the guy. that was the dad from the sitcom, like family ties or whatever, who was the guy in that movie. Bert, his, his, uh, his license plate on his blazer was oozy for you. Yeah,

I know. Was the vanity plate. Bert, for whatever reason, my cousin and I latched on to the character of Bert at a young age as like a role model of some kind. And we thought, we thought that his whole stick was hilarious.

You know, he, he comes back from doing war with the, with the, with the graboids. And he's, covered in gore and viscera and his whole cars covered with guts. And he's like,

I am completely out of ammo. That's never happened to me before. And just like, in the second one, they go to Mexico to fight gravoids that are troubling an oil field, sympathetic situation, I guess. And the Mexican military asks them what they want.

And they're like, I don't know, a couple cases of dynamite. Well, then Burke comes down because they need backup. up and Bert's like, the Mexican military gave you access to anything you wanted. And you boys walked away with a couple of cases

of dynamite. And he pulls down this tarp on his truck. And he's got missiles and fully automatic weapons and cannons. And he's like, what is that? Bert? It's literally a rocket. He's like, ah, that's for my own collection. He like covers it back up. Like, that's a fun movie. But the first one's good.

The first was really good. And I love Bert. Bert was always my favorite character. Yeah, it was fun. And I can't remember the actor's name, but in such a departure from his like gentle sitcom dad character on his other bits. You know, he was like, no, I just want to go full commando on this one. I think he also played in a horror movie. Like he was like the stepfather.

I think that was, it was this, I think that's what the movies are called. It's like stepfather too. And he's like a psychotic stepfather who, like his backstory was, his original family wasn't good enough for some reason. He went and said and he murdered them all. And he keeps repeating. that process with new families. And so again, it's that guy from that

friendly dad. Yeah, you know, he's a good guy. I mean, like, just to keep getting away with it. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, do the best you can. What year is the film set? Because if this is like 1931, yeah, he could just bounce. The 90s probably.

Probably like the 90s. That's probably too late to be getting away with that. Yeah. You got like... So going around the... the Brady Bunch Square here. Like, what's y'all's like, what's your favorite movie that everybody acknowledges is an awful movie, but you're still going to stand by it.

Oh, man. Congo. Congo. I win. Congo. Yeah. If you've never seen Congo, Congo is the story of a scientist who is trying to return his pet gorilla to the Congo.

And wouldn't you know it, this is a talking gorilla. He made a glove that interprets sign language and spits out a little girl's voice. So Amy, good gorilla all the time. This gorilla's talking. They are going to Africa to the Congo in this ill-equipped journey, but they are accompanied by this corporate fixer girl who's going there also to the Congo. She's piggybacking on their humanitarian journey to take a gorilla somewhere, but she really wants to find the blue diamonds that are going to help their telecommunications

company. And meanwhile, the villain of the thing, Dr. Hamolka, Dr. Hamolka, he wants to find the Lost City of Zingh, which is like some Congo lost city where Solomon's diamonds came from. And when they get to the Congo, wouldn't you know it? The Lost City of Solomon was right there in the Congo, huge diamond mine, and they had trained the guerrillas to be feral attack gorillas there. So the whole time the party is being assaulted and maimed by like crazy ravenous feral guerrillas

who are like guard guerrillas. And then at the end, it doesn't sound really terrible. At the very end when the volcanoes erupting and everybody's getting melted and shit and the gorillas are attacking in full force, the chick does like a badass Sigourney Weaver moment where she's like put them on the end on the endangered species

list. And she slaps a blue diamond into the laser and suddenly it's immediately start slicing gorillas in half and she kills them all as they like run through a lava field. That's pretty sick. Love that.

That's a hell of a pitch. Do you have you a sailor? You want me to go? You go ahead. You guys have seen so many more movies. I'm going to have to think. Waterworld. Everyone says Waterworld is bad,

but that movie's a banger. That's a great movie. There's a scene in it. I just love it. He's got this girl and the little girl's kid, I think, a little brother, I don't know. and he's involved in a fight and they decide to kill Kevin Costner

he effortly handles this threat and then delivers this line I'll never forget he's like killing ain't easy and I ain't the one to start with it's like motherfuckers not right not on a sailboat in water world he's halfish this guy is so good

and I like that movie all the way through even the silly jet skis chasing the sailboat wacky scenes I'm here for it there's no CGI I know why that movie's so great. People aren't stung-warned enough. They are doing all that for real.

They built that whole, like, atoll that the movie, it's the huge set piece at the beginning of that movie. That movie was known as one of the biggest flops ever. It made money back. It was a profitable movie. What it was was the most expensive film of all time at that point. And then it just, you know, if it costs $250 million, it made $275.

And then, you know, DVD sales made it even more money. but if you spend a quarter billion on a movie, they want you to make three quarters of a billion. And so they labeled poor Kevin Costner's like all-star performance, a flop. I love that movie. That's fucking badass. I like that's a villain.

Oh, Dennis Hopper. It rolls down my cheek. Yes, that's a good line. It's fantastic. I go to that movie all the time indirectly. Like, anytime I'm having conversation to my friends about, like, their kids who, like, have, like, no life skills whatsoever. I'll just be like, yeah, they can row my little tanker someday.

And, like, nobody ever gets that. But like, Dennis Hopper, but everybody just, like, when he's like, give him directions. And he's like,

they're like, where are we going to? It's like, I don't know. I'll just give my pep talk. They'll row for a week. Yeah. I'm with you.

That was a great. That was a great. Before Taylor goes, honorable mention, the postman. I like that movie too. Yeah. I never even heard the postman.

You've never heard of a postman? No. All right. I'll be quick. You do this. We got that. The postman is another post apocalyptic movie directed by Kevin Costner

and starring Kevin Costner. He is in, I believe, the Pacific Northwest region of North America. The United States has fallen. There was a great war, a cataclysm. I don't know what, but at this point, we're living in isolated groups, shanty towns. It's very fallout-esque. And Kevin Costner is like a wanderer. He's like bearded, disheveled, poor, pitiful, and he stumbles down a hill into an old world mail truck, and he takes shelter in it for the night from the storm. And the next morning, in the mail truck, he finds the dead mailman in his mailman uniform and all this undelivered mail. And he puts it on, goes to the next town, and says, I'm your mailman.

I bring word from the new United States government. And he runs a scam on them. And everybody's, oh, my God, we've got a government. And he fakes it until he makes it. People believe in his fake government, his fake president that he names made up shit, and they believe in it so much that he founds a new nation to go against the tribal sort of like evil, like a clan that's taken over everything. There's like a militant group that they're in opposition with. And so he becomes the postman. And he brings the world back to, you know, at the end, spoilers, he wins the great war.

and the movie is sort of an epilogue to a little girl's story about her father and how he saved America and like, it's a good movie. That sounds pretty pretty entertaining and ridiculous. They eat his mule. Why would the postman have the mule? That's all that.

Yeah, they went around doing Shakespeare quotes and things like that to entertain people. The mule could like stamp out the lines or count or something like that. Thanks, Kyle. You hit it back so hard. I'm feeling so I'll puff it up over here about my chest. I think they're bad choices. The problem is, those movies are way too good for this conversation.

Those are killers. All right, Congo is garbage. People say they're bad movies. They're like widely known as sort of flops that didn't meet expectations, but I think they're great. I know it's a terrible movie and it's regarded as the worst movie ever, but I have watched it and I laughed a lot through it. The room, the Tommy Weissau movie. Yeah. Have you seen that?

Kyle, you've seen it. So the room. It's like a, it might be the most poorly acted movie in history. Like it seems like a joke. It's the, have you ever seen the clip where the guy, the director is also the star.

I did not hit her. He's like, I did not hit her. That's when he's walking out onto the, and he goes, oh, oh, hi Mark. How's your sex life?

How's your sex life? They're playing, they're throwing the football back and they're on like a fake roof. And they're playing catch with the football. They are no more than four feet apart. Yeah. Like just like almost handing it. Every scene in that movie is so silly.

It's so, it's so poorly acted. I can't tell if they're trying to act poorly. So they're not. That's why that's known as one of the so bad it's good movies. Like the number one is probably the room. Number two is troll two. Has nothing to do with troll one.

Troll two, you won't be able to get through it. It's so bad. And they're trying. None of them ever acted before. They're all like amateurs with a terrible. script and I don't think the script writer, English was his first language, so it's phrased all strangely. And so it rolls off the tongue like really weird. And it's about trolls. There are trolls

like plaguing this family who's on a vacation and it is insane. The trolls are turning people into like plant people so they can eat them. It's it it's the worst movie I've ever seen. And I've seen Samurai cop. That's the clip where the guy is like looking up with the trolls eating. I just had look it up and he's like there, oh my God, and there's like a fly that had landed on his forehead and they didn't reshoot it.

And now they're gonna eat me! And there's three films that I think are all tied with worst, the best worst film of all time. And it's troll two, it's the room and it's a samurai cop. If you've never seen samurai cop, it might be

the funniest one to actually sit down and watch and it is another example of a movie written and directed, I think, by a guy who English was not his first language and none of the people in it were really actors and it is awful. The main characters are having...

The movies that you think are good that other people don't appreciate. And I say Congo. Okay. I don't have any good ones. I don't know the room is the only one I could think of it. I feel like that's like almost beloved now because of the lore around it and how bad it is. Did Chris go?

No, no, I'm going to have to go with Now, part of me is going to say Smoking to Bandit, but that is such a beloved classic It's kind of a, you can't really count it I would say the original 1974 gone in 60 seconds written by Toby Hillicky He was this stuntman who basically just wrote

this series of three movies that were just all of excuses to destroy a bunch of cars But that movie is so terrible It's like all of the dialogue had to be dubbed because I guess they just didn't have good audio. Like, it's just, it's like, it's like a bad 70. Yeah, you'd think so. I was the audio engineer.

Yeah. It's like this cart stuff movie where it's just like him and his friends just sort of like somebody's following around with like an old camera filming it. And they all just sit around a table and read their lines later. Everything's dubbed. None of the stuff matches up. Like it's just, it's so bad, but it's so bad. It's so bad.

It's glorious. Like the last 45 minutes of the movie. is just one big car chase with no dialogue. Like, it's just carnage. They destroy hundreds of cars, but it is just so poorly acted, so poorly scripted, so poorly cast. Like, everything about it is just epically awful, but like, you can't look away from it

because you want to see, like, the next awful thing. Like, it's just so bad. But in a similar note, though, that's why smoking the band it is so great. Like, the entire movie was improv, and it just comes off. Like, it's terrible, but it's just great. I mean, the cultural impact of that movie,

I mean, I've got the license played up on the wall back here. I mean, we dress up like the characters. We race the race. Like, people, I have five friends who have spent. What's that church name? A Buford T Justice. Oh, my God. Every scene with Buford T. Justice is his scene.

Like, he owns it. He, like, Bert Reynolds is slick and smooth, and he's written well, and he's charismatic and all that. But when Buford T. Justice comes on now, he stops talking. about sandwiches and eating that halapeno burger. I'm after a real criminal, boy. Oh, yeah. Give me a Diablo sandwich and the Dr. Pepper. I'm in the goddamn hurry.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That. What was it a jalapit? Diablo sandwich, yeah, which is a sloppy joke with taco season. A Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. Another one, he's on the radio with Sheriff Little, and he's like, or Chef Bradford, and he's like, we are germane to the situation.

He's like, the goddamn German's got nothing to do with it. I mean, Jackie Glead. Jason improvised every line in that movie. Just literally did it off the top, didn't read his lines, just showed it, and just made it, killed it. Everybody just made it up. Like, Bert Reynolds and Sally Fields, who were kind of hooking up in the movie,

were hooking up in real life. Like, Jerry Reed pretty much just got pulled into it. Like, the whole movie was almost, like, as it happened. They went and found the Basset Hound, like, at the pound, like, a day before. It wouldn't do anything on command. The whole movie just fell apart, but it just was so great. I love Jerry Reed and everything. First of all, I knew Jerry Reed from country music before I knew he was.

was an actor. So when I saw the Waterboy in like 1999 and Coach Klein comes out, I'm like, that guy sounds like a singer. And it, like I was so shocked to find out that coach Klein was the guy that sings all those country songs. Yeah, he was so good too. He was there. The Elvis wanted to record guitar man, but he could not find anybody that could play the guitar part except Jerry Reed. And Jerry Reed refused to give him published rights. And Elvis famously like only he would record your song, but he always got the publishing. rights and Jerry Reed was like, nope. Like, if you want me on the song, I keep the rights.

It was the only time that anybody ever didn't give the rights to it. Dolly Parton just refused him, but Jerry Reid actually Elvis recorded the song, but did not get the rights on it. Yeah, Jerry Reed was awesome. He was a cool dude. I remember when he was the, he would guest star on Scooby-Doo is what he might be on that to remember this. I didn't watch much Scooby-Doo.

That was a little bit more than. There'd be like occasional guest stars. It'd be like, today Scooby and the gang meet the Harlem Gloved? Trotters or Jerry Reid and Jerry Reid was just randomly, you know, playing some song on the show. It was hilarious. But yeah, that movie, Jackie Gleason just made that film. The little cafe scene was the only scene that Beaufort and Bandit had together. And they wrote that just so they would cross paths in the movie.

But it's a fantastic movie. It was written by Hal Needham, who was the premier stuntman of the day. He was living in Bert's Pool House and wrote that movie and was like, I want you to be in a movie. and Bert was like, there's no way, and he just talked him into it. But that is just an epic, epic films. I like that part more than any of it, that it was written by the guy who lived in Bert's Pool House, and it turned into a multi-million dollar franchise that's beloved by all. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, St. Pontiac Firebird Sails Through the Roof and just, you know, made it, just made it an icon. And there's been seven of those movies, the first three to go. two have Bert Reynolds and the third one Jerry Reid is the bandit and then the fourth one they just kind of fell apart into these red shirts that nobody knew about but yeah I mean but cultural impact I mean that movie ends and and Cannonball Run Bert Reynolds made more to be in Cannonball Run than any actor had ever been paid for a movie at the time five million dollars which is a crap ton of money back then yeah and same deal just Brock Yates who had started the real Cannibal Run you know the poster back here and you know he and Hal Needham wrote that

movie and put they actually the ambulance in the cannonball run was the real ambulance they raced in the real cannonball run in 1979 but just so pretty ronels are still alive it was no he does years ago yeah eight years ago yeah one of the last yeah he was great on archer one of the last things he said is in the end all you got are your stories and i've always kind of taken that to heart you know i don't have any kids any family like that so like my stories have been kind of my legacy, and that's always been sort of my inspiration with Bert's last words. But those kind of movies were just, you know, they weren't trying to making something great.

They were just trying to make something fun, and that just came through to the audience. And, like, we quote them, we love them. I mean, we spend money on toys. I mean, I got a bandit transam right there. I've got more Bandit Transam and General Lee toys you'd ever see. They were all terrible. But they were just, I mean, if you go back and watch, like, the Dukes of Hazard, like, now, It's the plots

The story writing is terrible. The acting, like they're so bad, but they just shaped us. And they were just so fun and so innocent in a way. And they're great to sit around and watch now because like there's no, you know,

you could just kind of catch the zeit guy stop and just go along for the ride. Did you ever watch the Johnny Knoxville movie? Yes. Yeah, I like that. I like that too. It was good.

Jessica Simpson played Daisy Dukes. And she got in like phenomenal. shape and it was something to behold. It was one of those perfect storms of a woman who's usually a little bit too thick and they gave her like $3 million to be bodacious

and she understood the task at hand and she made it happen. Oh, the car stunts in that movie were great. Like Reese Millen did a lot of the driving, like all the drifting scenes, all that through Atlanta. I mean, there were some fantastic stunts in that film. But yeah, continuity was awful. It's like

there's this race happens at 10 in the morning. They're trying to get to the courthouse before four. There's a race happening. It's obviously at like sunset. Then now it's like broad daylight again. I mean, it was, even as a modern movie, it was like terrible, but same time, it was just awesome. And I love bad films. It's like anything that just accidentally becomes great, I think is inspiring because

it's a lot harder to do it accidentally than to do it on purpose. What, can we show this? That's the video I just linked. Oh. you're talking about beforehand. Okay, let's take the... I think so. Oh, dear.

Wow. So, this guy, this guy here, hang on before you play, because they don't know what this is yet. Oh, is this? This guy will pay you $150 an hour

to hang out inside your septic tank with his camera because it helps him think. and so he shows up with his buddy and they lift the top off your septic tank they seal him inside and then he gets to his thoughts let it roll Zach we don't have to

he's got you guys doing a little do you have to do this part do you have to go neck deep yeah you gotta get in there Woody you gotta relax like a mud bath oh

he dropped his phone he dropped his phone he's gonna go down and get it though don't worry he found it oh yeah Oh, I got my eye He didn't even drop his phone He just did that for the love of the game He was seeing what was in there

You know, he's seen what was down there Oh Another deep I mean All right, is it just this for another minute and a half? That's four hours long, Taylor What's he wearing? Oh, he's like rubbing it into his chest

For those of you who are audio only, stay that way. He's wearing a He's rubbing it into his face. He's in a gypsuit and he's rubbing feces on himself. Is it one of those latex sex clothing things? It better be something more protective than that. I mean, do what they make surgical gloves out of.

Yeah, but it looks like his eyes were out in the boat. That's not going to cut it. Yeah. Oh, he got a little tip of his eyes. That's unfortunate. Who saw that coming? Wow.

Oh, what's he got there? Oh, he's rubbing it into his face. I think he found something. Oh, he found something. Someone's been flushing wet wipes. Oh, my God, that's what it is. He found an old wet wipe, and he, like, wore it on his head for a moment. He's collecting all of the bits and the floaters, and he's rubbing it.

All right. I get it. We get it. Oh, he's going deep, boys. You know, like, if I knew he was coming. He's going deep. Wow. I know he was coming to my house.

I would probably, like, intentionally flush a bunch of completely random stuff down there for him to find. Right, right. Just get a fucking grenade and put him out of our world. Hey, there's a Super Bowl down there. Can you find it? Just a bunch of like. Super Bowl or golf ball.

Yeah, like some like mini bottles with little like rescue me messages in them or like my little ponies up like the guys from KISS just all kind of random stuff. I imagine he's like a like a wicket eater and go get them all in one breath. You think he's like a picky eater about some stuff where he's like, oh, sushi, not for me. Like then. Never could stand stuff. This is horrible. Why'd you bring that...

What a strange person. It reminded me of that video we watched way back in the day in Joliette, Illinois at a little hotel of that shit-chomping man. Remember him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember what we would do is we would play this sort of, this game where I would pick a video on the laptop,

and then you would have to watch it. This was actually on motherless.com, rest in peace. and you would have to watch the video I came up with and if you flinched, if you showed any fear or emotion, if you didn't just sit deadpaned for what I presented you with, then you had to take a shot. Yeah. Or you had to drink your beer or you had to drink.

I was trashed. And so we would usually pick either violent, gory stuff, like somebody getting crushed by an elevator or something or a head popping off in a street accident. or I found the video or somebody did of this guy and he's laying in a bathtub and you've got this POV

kind of like down at his face and he's got goggles on like swimming goggles, the little ones. And then a woman starts shitting into his mouth and he starts chomping it like a turtle

going at celery. And it's a long, thick turd and he's just like chomp, chomp, chomp, so greedily. So greedily. That was nothing compared to that fucking deranged Augustus Gloop you just showed us down in that That fucking

Oh gosh You're falling into the septic tank again Oh gosh Yeah I mean like I just I wonder like what was the escalation of this though like was he like a septic tank guy that just fell in one day and it was like you know what I'm going to own this? Was this something he dreamed of here? and served up for heavy equipment? Like, how did he arrive here from wherever he's done?

Some form of either severe mental illness or tremendous trauma that inspired some form of severe mental illness. Yeah, but that guy doesn't work at the bank. Like, you know, I pray he's not like at Chipotle. He's like, all right, he's like, all right. He's like, all. Yeah, he's straightening his time. He's like, off to my job at Taylor, Farms Lettuce Company.

He's a fucking lettuce sorter. Yeah, that's truly one of the worst things I've ever seen. It's horrible. Yeah. I would you rather. Oh, I like that. All right. So before I ask you, for the purposes of this question, you can't change these options.

You can't say, I'll start here and just go there. All right. Would you rather be a 6'5 guy with a dad bod, bod, moderate fat in the abdomen in 7 out of 10 looks? or 5-7 jacked muscular and 10-10-10 looks Oh easy, the first one. You just be tall with dad-bod. First guy easily.

You can fix the dad-bod. Like, you're like, oh, I'm going to let... No, we led with this. What you mean is, do you want to exist for the rest of your life as this archetype? Yeah, yeah. You can't just choose 6-5 and get in shape. That's cheating.

6-5-7? Mm-hmm. 5-7 jacked and handsome. Or 6-5-7 out of 10. going five seconds. Can I move wherever I want? Oh, sure. I like this. Southeast Asia.

You're going to go to the land of the short. Perhaps to the Orient. So you're going to move to Cambodia just for that? I'm moving to whatever Asian country allows felons. Do I lose my felony as the five, seven handsome guy? I don't know. You were totally, you're a bone here. You're a totally different guy.

Japan, here we come. I think the pygmies in Brazil, is that where they are? We'll take you even with your felony conviction. I don't want to live amongst the pygmy. You'll be taller than all of them. They're fucking forest-dwelling midget people. Aren't they in the Stone Age or something? The one-ed man is king amongst the blood.

I want to go to Tokyo, where I'm the tallest guy in the fucking sushi bar or whatever. I don't think the Japanese are that short anymore. Oh, look, Tom Cruise. That's what I want to say when I walk in. Oh, look at Tom Cruise. I was, I mean, I'm not a huge. huge dude. I'm like 6-1, but I usually got cowboy boots on, which makes me about 6-3. Like, I was in Vietnam, and people were, like, wanting to take selfies, like, just because, like,

they're like, oh, it's a big, tall American cowboy. Like, they just thought that was interesting. And the height difference. I mean, yeah, people, like, like, all a little sidewalk restaurants had, like, plastic furniture, but it was, like, the little, like, the little kid furniture, like we have here, like, I would just destroy stuff. And I mean, I'm a pretty chunky, out of shape guy anyway, but like, it's definitely different when you're surrounded by people who are a lot different. Like they just, it's like I just look like a monster. What'd you say, Taylor? You're going six five with me to Asia. No, six five guys. I'm staying in America. I'm not moving to Laos. You don't be the little emperor that could. You're going to move to Laos and immediately

be like I should have been the pudgy six five guy. I'm going to be a movie star in Laos. I'm going to be there Tom Cruise. I mean, is there a such thing as Lollywood? Well, if there is, it's child porn. So let's not, let's not search. Lollywood. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know why Lolly means child porn. I don't know. Does Lollie mean something? I think you're probably going back to Lolita, the novel about the underage girl. Oh, okay. But maybe the word Lolita for the underage girl had some meaning in the origin of the word Lolita because I don't know that.

It could be. But to the core. question, you'd realize immediately as you're like trying to get internet in Cambodia. Staling. You made a mistake. Starlink? What are you talking about? Why are you picking third world Asia

when Tokyo is like one of the biggest Is it the biggest city in the world? It is the biggest, but Japanese people are way taller than the Southeast Asians. Those are the littlest. Yeah, but I'm white. I make like whites are like 1 in 80 there.

Like they're way less than that. yeah you're right it's way less than that I'm a white diamond in the rough out there you know amongst a bunch of yellow sapphires Tokyo is third I'm just curious I didn't know it was so big I guess Mexico City and like South Palo Brazil maybe what are the other two

it's good the list are going to depend if you yeah third I went by population no but if you do metro or like the whole oh I see yeah there is city proper and urban area because Jakarta anyway in Indonesia's first

DACA and Bangladesh second and Tokyo is third I'd rather go to Tokyo Yeah you don't want to rough it in Bangladesh No You could be the most jacked T-shirt sower

No I'm literally You've literally made me Young Tom Cruise in this scenario Except muscular now Why are you younger Because Oh Well I

I thought it became a different person. I imagined him as like a 25-year-old. What if the 6-5 guy is 20 and your guy's 26? I guess Woody didn't specify how old the 6-foot-5 pudgy guy. But if you're 10 out of 10, you're not going to be 50-something. 7 out of 10 would get a couple extra points for me. Not with that attitude. No, 7 out of 10 was the dad bod guy, which is fair.

You were talking about him. But the other guy was a 10. Yeah, I'm taking the short king, and I'm just moving to a region where my high. is more along the average. Not a bad move. You know what I would do? I'd be the 6-5 guy and I'd also move to Japan and be your neighbor.

And I would just come out and I'd have a little like ring doorbell thing that alerted my phone every time you left to try and get, get some tang and I'd come out there and I'd shadow you. I'd walk behind you. They'd be like, oh, look at this. Look at this jacked white man. And then they go, oh my God, Garzira. And they would. I think I can beat you up in this scenario. I think that you're an out of shape like a tall guy with bad joints.

And I'm five foot seven of dynamite. Is that what you're going to do? You're going to start a fight in public in Japan. Enjoy prison forever. They take that shit seriously. This isn't America where they go, are you retarded? All right, get out of here. But I'm so handsome that the lady cop shows up and she sees your white ass and she's just not having it.

I'm in full yellow face, by the way. I made the transition. I'm like, Kyle, that's a Chinese hat. I do it with the Mickey Rooney thing, which I got the teeth and the little round glasses and I'm squinting. You're painted like a geisha. It's full geisha. He completely misunderstands his culture. Man, Chris really screwed me on this body pain.

I'm taking the short king every time. I think that's the move. How about you, Chris? taking short king or tall tall overlord? I'm going to go with Tall Overlord just because I know plenty of dudes that are like tall dudes with dad vines that are still like awesome girl and kind of killing it. And the reason I don't go with the short king is only because like I feel like the kind of women that you would attract or have access to would probably be always looking for like

the next greatest king and like you're never going to be able to hold that forever. Like you can't you can't be hot forever. whereas like dad by it I think if you you'd like find a partner who you knew was that for you and not just like oh she just likes me because I've got a 12 pack and the next 13

packs can come along 14 you know they come in odd numbers but you know anyway I think I would go with the tall guy just because I think you could have a more successful relationship than just wondering if they liked you for your perfect short bud yeah

but you're hacked though of like an Asian country though that was pretty brilliant You totally hacked the question. Yeah, I know. Also, I feel like Pell gets rich in this, which makes him long-term attractive. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to leverage these looks. I'm going to be some sort of a model or an app.

Maybe just stay here and be Tom Cruise, right? Like, you know, he made five seven work. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Got a whole cult behind him. Well, you can't join Scientology if they plug me into that network. You can't suddenly act. It's not part of it.

Like, you're not also a movie star. I don't think it's that hard. Also, if you're like a jacked broad shoulder, 5-7 guy, you're looking even, you're looking shorter than 5-7. Oh, no, but my female co-stars will be the perfect height for me. That's why they cast guys like Tom Cruise. Yeah, perfect. Our heads need to be in frame together.

You can't have some, like when you hug your girlfriends and wives, I bet they're like down here in your chest. Like it doesn't work to frame that up for a movie. You got to put somebody on a box. I'm not even looking for the ladies. I'm just there to wreck your time. I'm sensing that. And I'm taking great.

You're going to come up me and it'll be like a country. It'll be like a three stooges thing. I'll have my hand on your forehead. Is you swinging, calling at me? And I would pull a Sam Hyde move where I also am wearing

like cowboy boots like all around Japan. Now I'm six eight. Yeah. You chase me from Asian country to Asian country just running me down the line of some in one of those brown Asian countries or something. So I was walking on in Taiwan one time. and I passed this young couple.

You know, they're probably 20 or whatever. Got a girl. I got, you know, the hat, the boots on my usual crap. And as I go past, I get about 10 yards past him. And I hear the guy, say something to the girl in Taiwanese, but he says it with like a John Wayne accent. And then she just falls apart laughing. And I wanted to know.

So I wanted to know, I had to be somebody trying to catch a flight. I wanted to like, I wanted to know what he said. Not because I was mad. I just wanted to know, like, what was the joke? Like, cut me in on the joke. Obviously, I was a part of it. Like, just, I just wanted to know what got said. It just took him to death.

You should have went back and just pretended like that was your accent. Are you mocking me, partner? Are you mocking me, pilgrim? Yeah. I never liked John Wayne. Really? I never watched the John Wayne. I guess he was okay in the searchers.

He was kind of hardcore in that. But the rest of them, he was like that campfire. guitar cowboy and I didn't like that I didn't like like the family man and there were some movies where he like spanks that woman he throws that kid in the river I guess that's kind of funny and the shootest is okay too but I like Clint Eastwood I like all those old Clintieswood movies he was the bad with no net who was just better than everybody else more determined more devious and he just killed everybody in every situation all those movies high planes drifter outlaw josie wales um the good the bad and the ugly few dollars more fistful of dollars all that

I don't know some of these old ones very well, but how do you think they stack up against the modern great cowboy movies, like the Unforgiven Tombstone? I don't for me. So, like, my favorite Western of all time is the Unforgiven, and then I think it's Lonesome Dove, which is a TV mini-series, but it's basically a movie stretched over two nights

with Robert DeVall and Tommy Lee Jones and Danny Glover. They're on a cattle train, moving cattle from Texas to up north, and they're Tommy Lee Jones. Jones and Robert DeValle are retired Texas Rangers. They used to be young and with it and fight the Comanches or whatever. Now they're old and retired and they're doing the retirement ride up north with Danny Glover. And it's great.

And then I like Tombstone. Those are my top three. Those are all great. There's a couple other great ones. What's the one with the girl? They might have gritty or true grit. True grit is very good. Oh, yeah.

The new one or the old one. It's semi-new one. It's still like 10 years old. Okay. Yeah. There was one back in the early 60s, I guess. Well, Matt Damon and the new people in it. Yeah, I like a boat.

True grit is really good. Is it the quick in the dead? Is that the one where they do like doools at noon? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that was really good. And a lot of people don't mention it amongst the good cowboy movies.

Yeah, it was total. That was like total, almost like a fantasy type of thing. with all the over-the-top gun fighters and everybody with the shooting bear that can't die and the guy with the hinged gun and all that. Yeah, Tombstone's great. Yellow, not Yellowstone. The one Unforgiven I was going for is also great. The Magnificent Seven remake, I thought, was really good.

I wanted to like it more than I did. Yeah, it was, I mean, the original Yule Brenner one back in the day, which was really the Akira Kurosawa Seven Samurai movie done as a Western, and then it got remade as another Western later with everybody else. But, I mean, I like the old cowboy movies, but I think like the ones you listed off all the old Clinties ones back the day, I think those were better only because they were so much simpler and they relied on this like really over-the-top kind of storytelling,

a lot of cool camera angles and just the music, a lot of bits there's not a lot of dialogue. They really sold the characters with these visuals and the kind of silhouettes and the background. and the guy steps in the door and there's a pause and the wind blows just right. Like there was a lot of really over-the-top visual storytelling in those movies

that as an artist, I really dug. Like the music was super cool. Like the whole, you know, the cook and the dead. All these just, you know, the good, the bad and the ugly and all these Sergio Leon pictures, the spaghetti westerns that were all shot over in Italy and the south of Spain because it looked like California. Like there was just more to those movies.

I think the newer ones are much more dialogue, driven. They kind of, I don't know. There was a bit of a, like the old ones were like a pink fluid song or something. They were a little trippy. They were kind of set in the 60s and a little trippy. I don't know. I just don't know.

Val Kilmer is one of the best cowboy actors ever. And people rarely think of them in that role as like his prize. But I'll be your huckleberry is such a tough line firm. That's also gay. Yeah, right? I've heard two different theories with that Huckleberry line, though, because I heard one version that the handles on a casket are called the Huckles.

And when the guy says where it's like, I'll be your hucklebearer, meaning it like, I'll carry your coffin. But the way he said it, it sounded like Huckleberry and people just ran with it. Then other people I've heard that say that was a common saying back then. So I don't know which one is the true correct version of that. I like that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that one too. Holiday. Why, Johnny Ringo. You look like somebody walked over your grave. I ain't with you, Lunger.

Play for blood, remember? It's just... You good at these movie lines. He's very, very good. They say Amir Huckleberry several times in the film, and that is what they're saying.

Apparently was a common phrase. Recorded chat, GBT. Which is wrong all the time. Wendy's 99-cent Frosty is back, and Frosty farmers couldn't be happier. Made with Canadian dairy, they grow up cool, creamy, and mighty thick. It's farm to Frosty.

Get a small 99-cent Frosty until longest second and participating Wendy's Texas Extra. My name is Peter Parker, but I'm also Spider-Man. This Thursday, we're faced with a threat. That can be anyone. The world may have forgotten Peter Parker. I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor. But he hasn't forgotten them.

Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing. That's my responsibility. Talk to Banner? I didn't know you could get that big. Spider-Man, brand new day in theaters Thursday. One of my favorite, my favorite modern ones are probably 310 to Yuma and Appaloosa. Appaloosa is tremendous, too. I did not see Amulis.

Three-Ten to Yuma is good, though. Vigo Mortensen is in Appalusa. and it's two lawmen who are like lawmen for hire and they're in a town that needs lawmen. It's perfect. And Vigo Mortensen doesn't do a lot of pistol fighting. He's got a 10-gauge double-barreled shotgun that he's always just holding.

And every now and then he shoots somebody with it and they fly across the fucking room. It's very good. It's a really good, really good question. Well, the great Go Mortis and Cowboy movie was Hidalgo. When he's like a cowboy racing the horse over in Saudi Arabia, be on the horse race and he's like kind of his sort of wild west is like kicking ass over there that's an awesome movie good cowboy film that's a good movie that's a really good movie um

and i had to i had to look up the script to make sure the horse didn't die hmm i think it almost died at the end and it doesn't yeah yeah yeah yeah three 10 to yuma was good what was the one where like at Tommy lee jones in it and there was this sort of like almost like this sort of wild west kind of witch it was almost like a horror movie where uh what's the the chick from Lord of the Rings with a real kind of gaunt face. I can't remember her name. Real pale girl. But it was like her boyfriend or somebody goes out.

He doesn't come back. And like her, like his father. Is it? No. No. No. It's.

Yeah. That girl. But anyway, it was some kind of almost like a Western horror kind of film. But sort of this evil spirit kind of thing out in the woods. I can't remember the name of that film, though. I generally think movies get better and better. And I think that's true.

cowboy movies too but i have noticed a trend towards them being too long movies now every movie wants to threaten three hours and not every movie is a three hour story yeah the movie you were talking it's called the missing i have seen that the missing yeah that was it uh so i was talking to andre this movie producer guy recently so the the film that is going on it was going to be one of those like eight movie like eight episode netflix streaming kind of things but they um taylor sheridan was going to write it, but they read, I'm a story consultant in it, but anyway, they read done it to be an actual film

movie. According to him, people are kind of starting to get tired of this sort of like eight episode, stream it version. Because like, you know, during COVID, everybody quit making the big Hollywood, go see in the theater movies. But those are apparently coming back. People miss that. They kind of want that neatness of just,

let's just go sit down for two hours and 15 minutes and watch it be done and not have to stream nine hours of it over our phones over the next six months. And that's the movie, like theater movies are making a comeback. Yeah, this year is the best year at movie theaters since 2019. I read recently. Wow. Yeah, which is since COVID.

Those two surprise indie horror giant hits had to have been like a big change there. That's it. Like that has to be. Odyssey is the big one. That's the biggest one. Yeah, Odyssey. It's only been out for not even a week, right? I thought it came out this weekend

this past weekend maybe so wait yeah not even a week coming up on a week how much does it have to make to make money oh I don't know what it costs probably cost $250 million or something like that it's it's probably already made its money back that's going to be a massive movie I saw how they there's a part where I guess Matt Damon is fighting a giant

and they filmed it using a real giant a guy who's like eight feet tall and instead of Matt Damon, it's a five-foot-tall woman. And it looks so seamless. It looked really good. It looked like a real giant. I didn't understand all the revenue splits, but again, this is an overview pulling from. Are you the same website?

It says it costs $250 million to make, and that marketing brought it to 375, and that because of the way theaters take profit, break-even is between 600 and 750 million, but worldwide, obviously. I'm looking at this list of biggest movies I put in in the chat. It is not what I expected. Super Mario Galaxy movie is not on my radar. Michael, the Michael Jackson movie, I heard it did well, but it wasn't on my thing. I didn't know Toy Story 5 existed.

Devil Worth's part of two. I sort of heard of. Project Hail Mary, which I expected to be like the big one is fifth. and the Odyssey is currently 12th, but I'm sure that's growing. Yeah, it's going to be, it's going to win. It'll be the biggest movie of the year. And Dune's coming up, too. Dune and Dune's Day are coming out on the same day.

So they're calling it Dune's Day. What are the movies you talked about, Taylor? The Backrooms and Obsession. So Obsession is seventh. That is a big one. and backrooms I don't see yet. Because neither of them cost a bag of nickels to make compared to...

Oh, backrooms is nine. It's just me not looking carefully. Obsessions cost $750,000 to make. And made probably half a billion or something. It made $443 million so far. Name. Oh, I hadn't opened Woody's. You can rent it now.

It's on a, it's on like prime for like $10. maybe for the rental, something like that. They should include the cost and how much it costs to make it. I'm always interested to see the like the yield on the movies. I'm mildly interested, but that's like way down the like how profitable a movie is.

Like I'm not investing in this movie. It's too late. Oh, I'm just saying, I haven't seen like most of these. I just mean out of curiosity because like directors have to be looking and being like, fuck, obsession. It made that's the thing of $243 million. I feel like most of them are flops that don't get traction.

And some of them are like primer where people made it for a nickel and made tons and tons of money off of it. Yeah. I love like a good low budget like Napoleon dynamite was just such an epically awesome movie that appeared to be relatively low budget film. I don't know a couple million bucks. It took the camera, but just just so quotable stuck around for me 20 years later that movie's just still slaying it. And those are always fun. Some movies like that and what's the one with the nerdy kid who has the driver's license is 21? Super bad.

Oh, super bad. Is that what I'm going for? It has. Yeah, McLevin. McLeod. Thank you. Thank you.

Who made the money on that movie? Did the actors get rich? Did the studio get everything? Those actors definitely didn't get rich because that was a bunch of their like, yeah, debut. Like, Jonah Hill was nothing. Like, nobody knew who that guy was before. He wrote the movie. No, you're thinking of Seth.

Rogan. Seth Rogan and the other guy wrote the movie. Yes. Jonah Hill is the fat kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who wrote the movie? Seth was awesome. And his high school buddy, they wrote that movie in high school.

And when they were 15 and 16 years old, they wrote Superbad. Wow. I didn't know that at all. The dig drawings at the end of Superbad. Oh, the dick drawings are so funny. I don't know when it's coming out, but I saw a movie and I was like, this will interest Kyle. It's a new Rocky movie. You probably heard about it.

I play Rocky. but it's about making the rocket that's the title of the movie i play rocky okay thank you thank you i'm sorry misunderstood yeah so the audience it is a movie about sylvester stalone insisting that he plays rocky in this movie and the he's like trying to pitch it to studio execs no one wants to buy it but he really wants to be the lead in this movie they love the screen replay that he wrote but they don't really want him to do it and he makes it happen and i'm like not another roc's not another roc's Rocky, what are we going to do now? And I'm like, oh, okay, okay.

You have my attention. We'll see how good it is. If you haven't seen the trailer for this movie, I play Rocky, you need to watch it. Because they found the guy who looks very much like Sylvester Stallone. He's an eye-looking duck. And he sounds just fucking like him. And the reason this is an interesting story isn't just because Rocky became an Oscar-winning screenplay from a no-name person who also starred in it for like his first

real movie. It was that Sylvester Stallone insisted. First of all, he wrote it in like three days. And then he insisted, when everybody he pitched it to was like, yeah, we want it. Yeah, we want that screenplay. You know, and we'll probably get this guy or that guy to play it. And he's like, no, no, I play Rocky. And nobody wants him to play Rocky. And they offered

him a million dollars at one point for his screenplay to let somebody else play Rocky. And he said no. And he was broke, broke. So it's... And a million dollars back then was like $12 million. Yeah, 70s. Huge. Yeah. Another one his underrated pieces, like Rambo,

like the first Rambo was a way deeper, more intelligent movie. I mean, the second ones or more or less just blow some stuff up. That first one, like just dealing with, you know, the PTSD and the treatment of veterans coming back and this egotistical car. Like, that was a way deeper film than most people just saw it. He's like,

oh, he's got a big knife. He's killing people. In the book, he ox himself. Yeah. Yeah, well, that was a really, really deep film. It was really well done. That's how it doesn't kill anybody. the whole movie. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I guess, yeah, the

accidentally gets the guy with the helicopter, but that wasn't. Can he trap a guy and the spikes go through his chest? I must be wrong. No, I don't think you're making it. The first one, he doesn't kill anybody. Literally no one. Yeah.

Yeah, he accidentally throws the rocket at the helicopter and the guy falls out, but the guy's shooting at him. That guy was shooting at him with a rifle. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and Brian didn't. Yeah. And Brian didn't he did a great job in that film,

too. Like he was just, he really got, he was like this bully sheriff guy. Like he really sold him. Yeah, it was. My favorite part of the movie is when his like, the major general or whatever who had trained Rambo shows up. He's like, I'm here to save you boys. I'm here to save you from him.

I wish I could remember the speech. It's like, it's trained. Yeah, as a Richard Krenna. With guns, with knives, with his bare hands. Rambo, Rambo, is it just a man? He's a killing machine.

I looked it up. Yeah, Richard Greta playing Colonel Trotman. The only death in the first Rambo, I guess Rambo throws a rock at a helicopter because he wants the helicopter to back off and the helicopter like, he doesn't knock him out, but the helicopter like dodges the rock and he falls out.

Yeah, yeah, he's got a helicopter, I mean, but yeah. And then I'm right, he does hit some guys with the traps. He makes these like Vietnam sort of style spiky. Like he pulls back a bendy tree and it's flicks and hits a guy. but he doesn't die. Okay. Yeah. He did kill some dogs, though.

Well, those are bad dogs. Those are bad dogs. You know? Yeah. I like all the Rambo movies, literally all of them, except for the Vietnam, the one where we went to Afghanistan, that's fucking stupid.

But the newest one, not the newest one, because I think that he fought the Mexican cartel, but the one right before that was called just, like, maybe Rambo or just, I think it was just called Rambo. And it was when those missionaries have gone into Cambodia.

I like Rambo is like he's like a cobra catching boat man hiding out on the border of Burma and the missionaries get captured and then he tags along with a team of mercenaries that have been hired to save him. And he's so hardcore and then the villain is perfect. It's one of the most, the villain is literally a child molesting like Cambodian warlord.

Like he fucks little boys and he massacres people like the whole villages and cuts their heads off and makes people run through minefields because of the wrong shade of brownish yellow or whatever. And Rambo shows up to set things a right. So he's a real pull-off. If I remember, he warns the missionaries not to go because it's too dangerous. And he's also completely beyond violence.

Like he doesn't want anything to do with fighting. But because these people need them, he gets back in the game. Does that sound right? Oh, yeah. There's a part where it gets... Sorry, go ahead. There's a 50 caliber machine gun mounted in the back of a pickup truck. And he gets, he comes up.

behind the gun and like cuts that guy's throat and grabs the gun. And his first move is to spin it around and point it at the driver of the truck. And this is the best depiction of a 50 cow hitting anybody I've ever seen in a movie ever. I've shot a lot of 50 cows and a lot of things. They explode when you hit them. And that driver explodes. And then he turns it around on like a crowd of evil people that need blowing up. And he gives them a good blowing up.

and everybody's just bursting into gore and viscera. It's a good movie. Great action movie. Yeah, that scene in Miami Vice when that sniper guy gets the FBI agents and, like, blows the guy's arm off in the car, like slow-mo at the beginning of it. That was a pretty gnarly 50-kow shot in the movie, too. Yeah. But I- That Cambodia shit and that, like, evil guy who just like don't even send missionaries there.

He's so evil. He's going to, he's a, you know, a despicable guy, murder. people. It reminded me of Pol Pot, obviously, because he was the guy, the communist warlord in Cambodia in the 70s. And he was crazy. He was the guy who was like, just, oh, that guy can speak French, kill him.

Oh, yeah, everybody's glasses. Kill him. That guy. Like, that guy's too smart. Kill him. He was like a commie Maoist. And there was this one dude. I had to look up his name, Malcolm Caldwell in the 70s. And he was a communist, a scott. communist who like thought

Pol Pot ruled and was like always in Scotland being like we should be more like this guy you know what he's doing is not that bad it's probably probably fibbin and so he like found a way to get to Cambodia to praise Pol Pot and like what he was

achieving and Pol Pot just had him shot just showed up to be like I'm a huge fan Mr. Pot and he's like not anymore bang like he just didn't fucking kill what a no Are those classes? Yeah, Poppa was a history teacher, I believe, before he became a political despot. He may have been.

I just mostly know the bad stuff about him. Yeah. I've never read the humanizing stories. Well, there's no human. He was a complete psychopath, yeah. Yeah, he's even a psychopath. But, like, I mean, obviously the real-life villains are not good, but like movie villains, though, like, I love a villain way better than a good hero.

Like, like, Christoph Waltz is Hans Landa. and glorious bastards is one of the best villains of all time. Because he doesn't guess he's a villain. He's the good guy. Yeah, precisely. Actually, his Mr. Silver character in Skyfall was also really good. But, like, you know, like, Roscoe P. Coltrane on the Dukes of Hazard, or like Gary Oman playing Mr. Zorg and Fifth Element,

like those just slightly psychotic bad guys are just such fun characters to watch. I love a little good villain. What's your favorite villains? Oh. What do you, what's your favorite? I need a second. Favorite villain? All right.

How about you, you guys got it? You're quick on the draw. It's probably Prince Joffrey from Game of Thrones. I think he did the best. I think he did the best job of making me hate him. And there's something about a, you know,

and if it's Thanos, like, I know I stand no chance against Thanos. And that's almost a redeeming quality of his. That, I mean, you can't say one thing for the guy is tough. You know,

but Joffrey is hiding behind this. bullshit power. If Geoffrey and I faced off, I could beat him to death. I could slap him around and make him cry and beg. But I can't. King's Guard's gonna fuck you up. Exactly, but I can't do those things. And that almost makes him more, makes me hate him

more, that he doesn't deserve to be as awful as he is that he's hiding behind this silly power of his. Something about I hated him. I read something one day, like, where that kid, like whoever the actor was, kind of like the little Malfoy kid and Harry Potter

movies, like, has had a hard time finding a job because, like, he did such a good job. Everybody hated him so much. Nobody wants to work with him. Like, that Malfoy kid is a little, that Malfoy kid embarrasses himself a little on social media because he hasn't gotten a lot of acting roles. He did just do this movie called, like, it was like a crazy hack-em-up action movie called, like, they're going to kill you or something. It was good.

It's on prime. But I saw him in that in a small role. But he's always posted pictures of him, dressed as Malfoy, as, like, his old. version of that character hoping he'll get cast in some new project. Okay, yeah, I gotta let it go. Like, these aren't like cell phone selfies. Like, ha ha ha, Halloween. I went as myself.

Ha ha. Filty Potter, am I right? It's not that. Like, he's in, like, well-posed and shot. Like, someone did his hair and like, like, he's wearing the, he's wearing the Malfoy clothes, you know what I mean? Like, he posts a lot. Yeah, that's, yeah, that does seem a little thirsty.

But, yeah, but that Joffrey kid, though, like, yeah, same thing. Like, I, I only saw a few seasons that hated that kid like like he quit out of day yeah all right all right the first one i thought it was darth vader because he's a great pick as a super villain and he's scary he's got a presence and an aura about him that's crazy but he's too mainstream i didn't want to be the the guy who picked darth vader kiles joffrey pick i wish i came up with it he's amazing like you chris i sort of genuinely had negative feelings towards the actor until his character died yeah and then and then i thought oh You know what? I appreciate your amazing performance.

I felt stuff for real. The villain I'm going to list that no one else will think of, I hope, is the lots of hugging bear from Toy Story 3. That guy is implicit. He's a fucking evil, evil guy. He's got to be in that freaking incinerator going towards the end. I'm like, you know, this is as good a villain as you can come up with lots of hug and bear. That's my choice.

That's a great. And he smells like strawberries. That's a great answer. You tell you don't see him. coming. He's all nice and kind of Wilford Brimley sort of grandfatherly. Oh, yes. No, that's the only answer. I think women are some of the best villains. I think Annie Wilkes from misery is absolutely terrifying. And I think Nurse Ratchet from one flew over the cuckoo's nest is infuriating the same way Joffrey is. It's like you have this power over us and

that you shouldn't have and I hate you. And I wish that Nicholson would bash your brains in. And then you get to the end of the movie. I wish that giant Indian would throw up. Yes. Chief to get that bitch and choke her out. It doesn't happen. Nope. I mean, Star Trek. She plays a villain in that too, and she's equally obnoxious and awful. She's plays Kai Wynne in Deep Space Nine.

She was going to be the Pope of Bejor, but the commander came in, and they kind of made him the emissary, and now she's not as important. It's sufferable. I can't think of any revolutionary ones. I mean, I like Saruman a lot. I can't really say Sauron because he, like, wasn't. He didn't say anything. And so that wouldn't really fit. Yeah.

But Christopher, but, yeah, I mean, Christopher Lee, like he's got such, she's had such a regal presence anyway. Like,

there was this arrogance about him that came through that played really well. Yeah. Christopher Lee plays good bad. I mean, man with a golden gun. I mean, he plays great bad guys. All,

all those hammer films. He was Dracula a bunch of times. Yeah. Yeah. He was the best word for him. He did seem, and he was imposing. He was like a real.

He was like a real spy, though, back in World War II, wasn't he? He was in the SAS or something. Yeah. There's a famous story. There's all these little famous little tidbits from the Lord of the Rings production, but it's time for him to get to die. He's going to get stabbed in the back on top of his tower by Wormtong. And I think Peter Jackson is telling him, and you're going to go, ah!

And he's like, have you ever stabbed him, man, killed him, Peter. No, well, I have. And I tell you, they don't make a noise. They go, And so that is what I should do. He was the only person. I know you know this little trivia that like he talked to Tolkien. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He knew he. Who did he stab, though? In a Nazi in World War II. Huh. Yeah, he did all kind of undercover stuff. And also at one point, he was like engaged to some chick.

He was like a duchess or some sort of like royal blood and like broke the engagement because he didn't feel worthy. or something. It went off to go be a spy and then became like this national fencing champion. I mean, the dude was like James Bond before there was James Bond. Like he was a phenomenal person. Yeah, that's awesome. He is very imposing in that movie. He has

a lot of, I don't know, you needed a bad guy who had something to say and he was perfect for that role. Gravitus. Yeah, that's good. Little Genese Croix. Yeah, Gravage. A little panache. That indescribable thing. I love a good bad guy

Yeah Roscoe P. Coltrane though James is best playing him with the Duke's Leasor he'll probably always be one of my favorites because he was like bad but like when it came down to it he wasn't generally bad like in the Ghost of General Lee episode when they thought Bo and Luke died

and he's like super kind to Uncle Jesse like he kind of like he was bad all the time he's like naughty but he was never like genuinely bad like when it came down to it he'd do the right thing and that was a fun character Yeah. I think the scariest villains are the ones that actually make me nervous when they're in the same room with my character. Yeah.

So for me, that's people like Ramsey Bolton, because he might castrate your guy right now. And that's people like Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs. He might just carve you up and burn you alive for the fun of it. He knows you're not going to talk. And he doesn't care. And that's, oh, who was I going to say? was another one. Anyone who you know, like, this guy might just mutilate my character for fun.

Negan. Negan did that to me. For a while, I was afraid of Negan. When Negan was there, I was like, oh, no. Oh, no, what's he going to do? Oh, you know, another really good bad guy, Django. Yeah. They're just trying to run a business.

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and all of the friends. Mucking up the works. What movie were we talking about? Django Unchained. He's saying that Django was the bad guy. Another great Kristofos. They're trying to do our little bandingo

fighting. What's the problem? I like that movie a lot. He's like I remember like Leonard Caprio goes to Django's character and he's like, your friend looks a little green around the gills mandingo fighting oh no he's game

he just ain't never seen a man torn apart by dogs before it's just like fuck and as they're tearing that guy that four escaped slave apart pretty pretty good evidence against your guys big talk with the animals

that guy couldn't even take two dogs that was like three or four attacked dogs an ostrich I could one I couldn't say I could fight a flock of ostrichies Oshergies are much bigger than I thought they were when I said that. I still think we can take them.

I think we can take an ostrich. I might have made up an emu. I also think I can take an ostrich. I made a friend of mine got chased by ostrichs one time in college. It was terrifying. We were at a, we got to a party. So like, we're breaking into the zoo. So University of Georgia has all these, like, you know, the big ag program.

So they got all these, like, fields out around the, county around this town they've got all kind of you know Texas longhorns and zebras all these kind of random animals and we were at a party at one friend's apartment and like somebody left if we didn't have a ride or something so we decided to walk back to his apartment and it was way faster to cut through the cowfield that uGA owned to get to his apartment and go all the way around so we're about halfway across the field it's about two in the morning and like it was like a flock of cows off i mean it seemed like a herd of cows off to the distance a few hundred yards away and we're walking along and like the cows start like standing up.

And like the, it was like, it looked like a bunch of cows laid down, but it was really all the ostriches. And the ostriches all stand up. And we're like, it's all, it's dark. You know, there's a couple of streetlights off in the distance or something, maybe a little bit of moonlight or something. But we're like, is that?

Those are cows. Those are, those are ostrich. And they're, they're starting to walk this way. And like suddenly it was like this whole block of ostriches coming. And we were like, oh my God, they can eviscerate people. And we're like running across the field. And it just became, They were never even that close to us,

but they were starting to come our way. We're just, like, sprinting and, like, dive through a fence. And anyway, we thought we were going to die, but we weren't even close. But we'd go out there and look at them. They'd come to the fence. They'd hiss at you, like a dinosaur you'd imagine. They'd just kind of, they were scary, man.

Yeah, totally. They're not. It's just that I just seem so vulnerable. Like, if you hit a cow in the head with a stick pretty good, he's going to not care. He's just not going to care. Like, he might care a little. little, but he'll just look at you like, fuck is your problem.

But if you get that ostrich in the head with a stick, he'll just fall over dead. Dude, you could, I don't know about that, but you could get like eight punches in. Punch it to a cow fight before it realized that you were trying to start shit. I punched a cow before. It didn't notice. No. It's got that. You didn't notice. They had no idea. I was trying, like, when we would catch calves, you know, what you do is you run your whole flock into a big pin, and then the pen segments.

so you're able to cut out the ones you want from the ones you don't want. And slowly you've got one group of ones you want and one group of ones you don't want. Then you force them through ever smaller gaps until they're in a shoot and then they go onto a trailer. And they don't want to go to them to shoot or they get jammed up or they try to like go back the way they came. And you like slap them on the ass and stuff. And I've punched those things as hard as my little hands can punch. And it hurts me. It doesn't hurt them.

First of all, they're made leather. All right. They're very tough. It's true. True, true. That's an animal no one can take. And you have nothing to give to a cow.

If you could make a cow want to fight you, you're done. I was thinking about that because it's called bull fighting. I was going to say, like with a bull, everyone knows they're absolutely a monster for a human to deal with. But with a cow, a lot of guys think maybe I could take a cow, only because they're nice to you. If a cow got motivated, it'd be nearly a bull. I've seen it happen. I saw a cow throw a cow.

man down into the corner of the catchpin and put, and she didn't have horns, but they instinctively want to, like, grind their head into you and goar you. And she was goaring him with no horns, rubbing her head and mushing him down into the corner of the pen as he flailed and kicked and screamed. And we had

to, like, beat her off him. Like, like, hit her with, like, shirts in the face. Not that we were going to, like, we didn't have anything to hit her with that was hard enough. You need to shoot her or hit her with a cattle prod. We didn't have either of those things. So we just shoot her off of him. And he clambered, the fuck out of there, scared shitless

and didn't fuck with her anymore. Oh, he was fucking with her? Well, you know, we're trying to catch him. So we're like spooking them and moving them along. And then I've told the story before, but we had that bull one time who was about 1,200 pounds or something. He was red with these straight horns that came out. And they were like, they were long horns, but they were straight.

And we couldn't catch him. He would jump out of everything we had. And we were, we caught the ones we could catch. And we went to the cattle barn and were selling them. and we saw a poster there like cowboys for hire. Trouble cows are no problem. And we were like, these are the boys. And so we call the number and he's like, yeah, I'm here at the barn now.

Hang on, I'll come around back. And so these cowboys come back there and they're like, yeah, we got a problem, cow, we show up with our horses, we show up with our dogs, we rope and wrangle. We'll get your big boy down. That bull ran those dogs through the scariest, thickest, briar infested, wooded, area you've ever seen. And then the Cowboys can't pursue into that. And so we're all outside the woods listening to what's going on inside the woods. And it's six town dogs are yapping and screaming. And the bull's going, and then you hear yank, y'y, y'y, y'all. And that one comes out.

He's scared now. And that's only four dogs fighting the bull. And when he finally tore out of there, the dogs had tore his ears all up. He had like cuts through his ears. And the dogs, half of them were limped and the cowboys try to run the bull down he's tuckered out now i got him he's got his lasso going he lassoes the bull and the bull doesn't try to pull it comes back at it gores his horse in the neck throws the cowboy off and then he runs away with his good rope his concern was the good rope not the horse well well i mean well obviously that was the end of the day for them because they got to take the horse to the horse doctor and and and he's He's lost it.

And he's got a hole in them. Yeah. They paid those guys. They were like, I don't know, $80 an hour or something. I don't remember what it cost. A few hundred dollars. Paid them. No catch.

We had to go to the vet. And my dad was like, I got a trouble. We can't do nothing with him. I need the tranquilizer gun. And they're like, oh, yeah, no problem. How about how big is he? And he just filled a syringe with about how big my dad said. And we darted that son of a bitch.

And he was done then. Once he was darted and sleepy. we tied a rope around his horns, roped it through the cattle trailer, and then out the other side, it hooked it to a four-wheeler and drug his ass half asleep into the end of the thing. Once he woke up, he was so mad.

He was like looking at us through the bars. I'd have been bad too. He was like, like, blow and snorting. He would like hit his horn and almost get it through the gap to poke you through the bars. That guy was a fucking problem. What happened?

Eventually. Once we had him in the trailer, we took him to the cell barn and sold his ass. Hmm. That's all with his ears. I was born that way. I don't care about his ears there. Yeah. Yeah, that was a bad motherfucker. Well, he may have made, you know, big, meaty cows. Somebody ate him. I mean, we had a feral cow at one time. My dad had all this property leased, and then he had cattle spread out on all the leased properties, and then he was going to one property.

Now he had one big property, and he had to get the cattle from all of his little leased properties together into one place. One of them got left behind. This cow got left behind, and months later, she had gone feral, living in the woods, roaming, and someone caught her for us. And when we put her in the trailer, took her home, backed the trailer into the pasture, pointed it toward the herd of cows. Like you can see them.

They're right there. Open the gates. And she burst out and made a left instead of her right headed toward the main highway. And my dad heads are off, and she's trying to tear through a very good fence, and he's beating her back with the butt of a shotgun. And she's fighting to come through.

And when she's just about three quarters of the way through it, he shoots her in the neck with a 12-gauge point-blank, drops her, her neck folds under her body, down into the ditch. Now we got a real problem. We got to get this cow butchered right away, or this is all just wasted meat. Like we can't sell her anymore, but I guess we got hamburger for the next two years. It's that situation. Like why let this big ass cow go to waste?

So he drives back to the house. It's within sight of the dead cow. And he's on the phone with the processing plant. He's like, yeah, she's about, I don't know, 1,800 pounds. And she's, I'm looking at her right. She gets up out of the ditch. She starts tearing through the fence again. Now she's through the fence.

She crosses a small road, tears through another neighbor's fence, and starts running through his field. On the other side of his field is Highway 17. A major thoroughfare. Lots of traffic. A car hits your cow. You are liable.

You are culpable if a school bus blows up full of kids. You're in big trouble. Dad gets in the truck, where the trailer's still attached and starts driving through his field over the ditch, over the road, through the neighbor's fence, and he's chasing her through the neighbor's field

trying to head her off for she can get there. She hears him coming, because the trailer is making such a ruckus, turns around and charges from a hundred yards away, head on coming at the truck. He pulls the truck a little to the side, puts his deer rifle out the window,

and shoots her in the chest as she's charging at him, and finally kills that bitch, and we ate her for years. years. For years we ate her. I remember the burgers and the fucking steaks for years we ate her. I grew with cows, but I don't know. I have a story that could even come close to that one. Holy crap. Wild. That had like four cliffhangers in it.

That was a good way, man. That was like, wow. I mean, you had so many ornery cows. Were you bullying them? No. That one went Farrell. Like I said, it was, it was. was the lack of, you know, contact. Normally you're going out there with a bucket of sweet feed and like keeping them, you want them to be almost like, you want, obviously domesticated, but a little bit closer to a pet than a domestic animal. So that when you want them to come and, you know, steal their babies for money,

they're happy to do it. Yeah, terrible mothers once they're your friend. I mean, we had this one big Hereford bull that was just, and Pete that was just, he was just like a confugitive objector. Like he was never mean or violent attorney. He would just stand there. He was like a civil rights protester. He would just like not moving.

And like he just, you got to kill me. I'm not going to move. He would just stand there. I mean, you could pose him with the truck or cattle running whatever. But he would just stand there. And that was his thing.

Just nope, not moving. He'd like, he'd like block a shoot or just somewhere really inconvenient. And it would just be like, that's it. I'm just going to stand here and he'd shut his eyes. Like just, I don't even hear you.

You're not even here. Of course, People thought cow tipping was real. Now everyone knows, I think, that cow tipping isn't a real thing. I know somebody that broke their arm trying, like ran like stiff arm into a cow and broke their arm. But that was an idiot. Yeah, that was a lie you tell like a city slickered for them to make a fool themselves. Like a snipe one.

Yeah. Yeah. I think the deal is you tell people you go in cow tipping that it's a whole lot of fun. And then you drive out to the pasture and you leave them there. that's cow tipping for real. Or you let them attempt it. Just let them go out there and try because you can't. I've never done it on a sleeping cow.

I was once offered $100 to smack a cow on the butt and I couldn't catch it. I just, yeah. Yeah, they're speeding. You got to work for him to eat. Oh, that would be a trick. I was waiting for him to like not look at me, but their eyes are kind of on the side of their head. They got prey eyes. They're made for that.

Yeah, yeah. So I would walk by him like casually like it wasn't. If that's a dart. Nothing worked. Nothing worked. All I did is like silly. The tractor tipping scene and the Pixar Cars movie was gold. That was so.

I haven't seen that one. But that is basically like, cow tipping is basically like, hey, after this we're going to go Volkswagen bug tipping. Go ahead, just run into it. Hard as you can. We're going to tip it. I mean, I feel like any people know,

move somebody's car, like lift it. Oh, yeah, we've done that. We're a group. Oh, yeah. You kind of get them bouncing and move them a little bit. One of my teachers in high school, she drove, God, I wish I could remember the name of that car. It's a two-door piece of shit, some sort of foreign thing.

And it was so light that like eight of us, four on either side could get that thing. Obviously, we weren't picking it up and walking with it like strong men, but we were scooting it. Like, wherever we wanted. And we could scoot it halfway across the parking lot in 10 or 15 minutes, and we would. We'd scoot it so it's,

pointing the wrong way. We turned it around backwards. I did these same things. We would kind of bounce it on the suspension and scoge it at the same time. We didn't lift it if I recall. It was kind of dragging on its tires. But we could move it. Like Kyle said, we turned it 90 degrees

and make it so he had a hard time getting out of where he was. Yeah. She had a good sense of him and he wrote about it. Our thing is a fellow student. We didn't do it with a teacher. Oh. How'd you get 20 minutes just to fuck off with eight friends in the middle of the day? Her class was called Life Connections.

I don't know what you'd do in Live Connections, Taylor. I had the same thing. Yeah, I had one. It's called Life Skills. She did. In my case, the dude was in practice. Oh. So, you know, he was an athlete at her school.

Yeah, our teachers did not care what we did. Like, we, those two gals were just out there in that double wide running their own little school. What did you learn in life connections? Public speaking. that probably paid off yeah a little bit yeah mostly public speaking because we would we would we would pick what we wanted to learn about and then we would do projects about it and presentations about whatever we wanted to the group and we just did that all the time

this not bad actually me and my the same friend that we almost got got by the ostriches in college we had a public speaking class and we were going to night school like the time i was working as like a construction worker all day, going to night classes, working as a bouncer and a security guard all night, sleeping like every third day. I got no time for any kind of school stuff. So we take this public speaking class, which, like, I didn't have a car, but my friend had a car. He picked me up at the art building. We'd go cross campus to this other class. Lowe was the professor. And, you know, he and I, my friend and I were both pretty good storytellers. So there'd be some topic. And, you know, we were supposed to, like, you know, get your note card and

your outline and your key sentences and go in there do all your thing. And everybody else would go there and they'd have their little cards and they'd read it and look up and read a bit read look up we'd come in there just completely casual no preparation whatsoever and just be like gun control this topic reminds me of a story and we would just sit there and just completely bullshit our way through our presentation and this poor professor guy thought we were these like prodigies he's like oh i can tell how much work you don't even have no cards you just it just sounds so natural it sounds like you're just making it up on top of your head and that's what the makings of a great speech and like he just thought we were these like prodigies we were just the slackers but we just made it

look intentional and it just worked so brilliantly. And, you know, he's a really successful in the car industry. And I talk on YouTube. So it kind of panned out. But yeah, it was just so hilarious. We were just going there completely do it off top of our head. And just somehow he just thought we were just studying so hard that we didn't need any notes. And we would just be like walking in the building. What are you going to talk about tonight? I don't know. Did the moon landing really happened? I don't know. Something similar in seventh grade. I was in seventh grade. I was in this like advanced track or whatever. I just switched school. and I don't know why I was there.

And the teacher was pretty unimpressed with me all year long. And then the final thing of the grade was an oral presentation. And I did one on how to wax a surfboard. And it went so well they put me in advanced English for the next year. Like, I felt proud of it. Nice. We didn't have. I don't think we had any public speaking class.

No, we did have a public speaking class. I just didn't take it. In retrospect, I should have. It seems like an easy A. but there were some electives that felt like they weren't actually elective like they picked who was in them because I remember technology was always full like there was no way to get into that class and technology was the coolest class they actually did stuff they built an electric car in like 2001 and they drove to like the neighboring town in it and stuff it was it was like a pickup truck

full with a like full of batteries like so many 12-fold batteries and like a solar panel on it like so many 12-fold batteries so many 12-fold batteries so many Literally. They would do like all sorts of electrical and hydraulic and robotics. And that's the class where the kid died, actually, like wiring a fuse box for class. He died the year before I started, though, I think. RIP. RIP, whoever nameless, nameless fallen student. You failed technology.

Failed technology. Maybe technology failed him. You ever think about that? Yeah. If he had taken woodworking, maybe he was just a, just a, just a technology. fucking laser or something like that, you know, like wherever he was. It was probably going to be a downfall. He'd have taken welding.

He'd have been electrocuted. This is how final destination works. Yeah. Maybe he like dodged a car accident like three weeks earlier. And then fate was just on his ass. It's a solid theory. Yeah. Those are good movies.

I like those. Actually, that would have been a good answer for movies that are like kind of dumb. But actually, I don't think. Yeah. Because I like all those too just because of the creative. like machines and like happenings that occur.

You should watch the last couple. I've seen them all recently. I've seen them all. I think. Yeah. Unless there's a brand new one I'm not aware of. I'm like a motorcycle. A little spooky

to drive behind a logger truck. Oh, everybody has that. Yeah. Past logger trucks every time now. I've seen the film. Our entire generation viewed log trucks differently because of that movie.

That was two, I think. Final Destination 2. Yeah. And it fucked them up. You guys ready to wrap? Yes, sir. Yep. Yep. Yep. Chris, where can everybody find you and all your stuff?

Well, as always, Christopher Michael's art on Facebook and Instagram, although I've rarely ever posted anything I do. But you can find me on Matt's Off Road Recovery and more unsupervised, M-O-R-R-unsupervised. That's kind of our spinoff channel where we do, let's see, we bought a 67 Ford Galaxy police car, entered in a burnout contest. We race NASCAR at the Freedom Factory. making an amphibious record truck.

We did cannibal ride, crazy stuff like that. And then just find us on Matt's Off Road Recovery on YouTube and Instagram and Facebook, just out pulling out, making the world a better place, pulling out the cars nobody else can get and making cookie projects. And I'm all over the place. I'm still on VenWiki. I still do a little bit of stuff here and there with everybody else too. So I'm just kind of still always the bridesmaid with the bride, just floating around the internet.

But I appreciate everybody watching and appreciate you all having me on. It's always such a fun to be on this show. Like, I just love that we can talk about avioli. Absolutely everything. Most of the podcasts I do were all motorsport stuff, which is fun. But like you guys are just all over the place. I never know what's going to be. It's just such a ride.

It's always fun to be on here. Except the shit is where it goes. Thank you. All right. PKK 814. Check a stuff.