Painkiller Already - PKA 816 W/ Josh Wolf: Woody's Street Gang’s Craziest Escapades

Episode Date: August 8, 2026

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PKK 816, starting with the boys, adding some guests later. We never know who will come for sure, sure, but you guys will know probably by the title. Yep, we'll be as surprised as you are. And we'll see what happened. Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. They know. This episode of PKK is brought to you by Harry's Lock and Load, wonderful merch. Right before I asked Woody and Kyle if they'd seen the Perez Hilton thing going around,

who, for the younger people out there, he's a, like, drama and celebrity blogger. Been around for like 20 years following, like, the, the Britney Spear. I think he had a big vendetta against Britney Spears back in the day. Maybe not personal just for attention. I don't know. But he was, apparently was, like, losing his mind on a TikTok live, cutting himself all over his body, covered in blood.

And TikTok, like, apparently their moderation failed. And he was doing it for like 30 or it was up for like half an hour before they removed it. I watched a five minute video of it. I don't know who he's talking to, but they're like, what are you doing? He's like, you know, just killing myself. It's like it is rough. He has a knife. It's long like a foot maybe.

And I think it might be a bread knife. Like just because it's not a kitchen knife like the, you know, the thick chef's knife. It's narrower like a kitchen knife. Is it rounded on the end or is there a sharp tip? I need to look. I think it's rounded on the end. I can take a peek. That's a brisket knife.

I haven't seen the video. I genuinely don't want to see it. It's both rounded on like the non-cutting side, but there is a little point on the cutting side. So it's not rounded into the cutting side. But it's a long knife. It's a foot long knife. And he's just.

casually. I need a pen. I don't see one. He's just casually like, you know, just killing myself. Oh. Doing like this sort of thing. And mind you, he's already covered in blood. And when you hear covered in blood, you might think like, like you've seen in a boxing fight. No, he's more red than white. He's a white guy. Oh. He is mostly covered in blood. And he's cutting non-critical areas, you know, like this sort of thing. But he's also been a little of that. He cuts his neck Like both sides He cuts his face

He cut and And we've all seen Self arm scars I'm like We've never seen What his aftermath will be He's So I only saw him

From the waist up in the video The entire waist up front of him Is there I don't want to get the I have a hard time estimating If there's 500 cuts on him A thousand cuts on him Oh my God

If there were only 300 cuts cuts. Like maybe it's hard to guess. I heard he was cutting his dick. We watched it right before. So I watched a five minute video in like three. So I might have missed that. I only saw waste up stuff on the video I saw. But

the self-harm. Yeah, keep it classy, Twitter. Only waste up self-harm. Right, Elon? And that's our guarantee here at X. Well, it was on TikTok.

My guess would be that he was only filming from the waste up. It was up on TikTok for 30 minutes and we're calling it down. Yeah. We're calling that a big failure. It's on Twitter today. Oh, you can they're not taking videos off

Twitter. There's always a new crop of people posts and whatever you're trying to find on there. It's hard to watch. I don't know. guy very well, but I do know he made his living off other people's lowest moments. You know, he's a drama guy. If you're having a hard time, if you're in a struggle, if your divorce has gotten messy, Perry's Hilton is there to tell the world about your worst day and make money

off it. That's his living. No one deserves what he's going through. It's bad, but it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Yeah. It seems like a genuine psychotic episode. I saw a still of it on Twitter. Wasn't even looking for it, but someone had posted it.

And you're right. It's like, if it were in a horror movie, you'd be like, all right. That's a little ham-handed, the amount of blood you're using. Like, let's be a little more tactful. He looks like, it's like, you remember D and it's always sunny where she's the zombie, just coated in blood. Like, that's the amount of, no exaggeration, just completely coated. in blood. And I didn't know anything about him other than the celebrity gossip column, which I guess is his whole thing. And then I saw people posting because I saw that. And then I searched Perez

Hilton. And thankfully it has like content warning. So I'm like not clicking show that, not clicking show this video. But I saw comments from people who are like really into the celebrity gossip sphere. And they're like sassing about it being like, you're really telling me that I should feel bad for this person after this and like posting tons of videos of like what he did and there's there's one clip of an interview I saw with some

some celebrity I didn't know and she was like well I was underage at the time and I was in a skirt and he like leapt under me and took a picture like it wasn't an upskirt like when Brittany got out like he got under

me and took a picture and I was on my period and so my tampon string was sticking out of my underwear and like that night and tuck that in late and that and that night the picture of like him like snap snap like under my dress with like my tampon string out was like on the front page of his website and he was like calling me a whore for it and it's like you all right I understand her not maybe shed any tears for this and I guess at least just according to his Wikipedia, which you never know about that, but that he was, like, one of his big things was just outing gay people that didn't want to come out and he'd be like, guess what? They're gay.

He's struggling with his guilt. Wow. So I didn't know, I knew very, I knew, I knew of Perez Hilton and I knew what he did, that he did drama and celebrity news. I didn't know he was a piece of fucking shit. I had no idea that he was an actual scumbass. So I guess I do feel less bad about the fact that he turned himself into a fucking hellraiser movie last night. Apparently he was selling a shirt. I saw this also. After Heath Ledger died, he was selling a shirt that had a picture of Heath Ledger that said, like, why couldn't it be Brittany? Okay, that's pretty good.

That one gets the case of approval. We all had that thought when we lost Heath Ledger, all right? you know like it was no we didn't well all right we'll see what we're Hoffman then weren't you thinking like why couldn't it be Perez I could sure sure I'm really torn on this

he's a like I've said this before everyone leaves their mark on this world right some leave a big one some leave a little one some leave a mark coated in gold they have made this place a little bit better I think a lot of a lot of people do that. Jimmy Carter leaves a big bark. He was president, but there are so many like dads who

would just certified public accountants and badasses who lived a quiet life and left a small gold mark, right? This guy left a big shitty bark on this planet. And there's not a lot redeeming about him. He made a good living hurting people. So I just have a hard time crying tears for his misfortune. He's feeling the way he made so many people feel. I should have done more due diligence instead of just looking right now about Perez and his controversies. But according to what I'm seeing, it looks like he outed Neil Patrick Harris before Neil Patrick Harris was out, which pretty not so chill. It's like a pretty shitty thing to do to somebody. Not MPH. Yeah, it's see, oh, the Britney Spears coverage and Heath Ledger t-shirts.

Yeah, that's just covered that. Hilton shared or linked an upskirt paparazzi photo of a then 17-year-old Miley Cyrus that appeared to show her without underwear. He linked to Colin Farrell's sex tape. Let's see, something with Will I Am, the black-eyed pee. What did Will I Am do? I don't know. It says an encounter led to Hilton calling Will I Am a homophobic slur.

And the band's manager punched him. So the funny way to imagine that story is that Perez Hilton called Will I Am a homophobic slur. And the band manager was like, you're a what? And then attacked Will I am. Did you just say punched him. I don't know who the direct object is on that sentence. feuds and bullying. Well, yeah, I had no idea that he was such an evil human being.

Again, I just thought of him kind of, I don't know, I didn't have any thoughts, really. I just knew kind of what he did, but clearly not. You're right. He left a big shitty Marco in the world. Yeah, that's awful. I bet he's not too popular in the celeb circles. Probably not invited to the parties. Probably not.

You wouldn't think so. I don't see anything about Diddy here. although would I see it in the controversy section if he said something about Diddy? They would probably be like... At the time. Did they reduce Diddy's sentence? I think I read a couple times that they've reduced his sentence or something like that. Is he going to have like a huge comeback when he, you know, is released, do you think?

Is there going to be a big tour? Are his friends going to rally around him and like make him hold it? again? No, there's no way. 50 cent will be sure of it. He'll be on the warpath. 50 cent is the most spiteful human being that exists. I can't remember who he did it to, but he like bought all the front row tickets to their show so nobody'd be there. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's crazy. He seems pretty funny. He produced that, that fucking documentary. It must have cost millions of dollars or something. Like, I bet he made money. He probably profited, but it's an undertaking. Like it's a thing he did. He's in it.

Yeah. They reduced it, but not by a ton. So it was originally 50 months, four years and two months. And it was October of 25. So that would have had him getting out in, I don't know, December of 29. But it looks like he's getting out in January of 28. But that's his projected release. Yeah, it's different. It's different. but I'm trying they didn't change the sentence like they didn't change the maybe it's just good behavior stuff it doesn't explain why they have credited him for some of his jail time you're right there's some credit for time served I'm seeing that I scanned it too quickly but there's no judge who formally reduced his sentence or shortened it

so all right he had some time served and that's all I saw in the chat GPT stuff I heard they even get them for for real like was Oh yeah, what did he actually get found? Yeah, yeah, what was the real... It was some of the lesser charges. It may have been some man-act stuff, like the transportation of women for immoral purposes or whatever. Oh, that doesn't mean like acting in a certain way with a man?

No, no, I think there's two... Did you say it was the man act? Transportation, engaged in prostitution? That's exactly what it was. It was two women, man act, and then all the other... It mentions a bunch of stuff he wasn't convicted of. So yeah.

The man act, I believe was a Jim Crow law that was meant to target black men with white wives and like grab them if they try to like travel into your state. So it wasn't originally about sex trafficking? Yeah. I think I think it was about well, you know, I think it was that that may have been what they claimed it was for. But I think it was to just crack down on interracial marriages. Ah, so it's like when they do stuff like the Protect Children and Unicorns Act, and it's just to track you on the internet and like reduce your... A lot of those Jim Crow laws were about that. Like on the surface, it might sound like something good, but it, but when you boiled it down, it was like, but yeah, no guns for blacks.

No guns for blacks. That's what it means. Yeah, you can have one. So can you. Yes, ma'am. Of course, you can have your gun. No, sir, none for you. At the most, they can have the shitty guns.

They can buy from High Point. That's it. That's all. No smith and lessons. No rougars for you. Yeah. High points are such pieces of shit. The first time I saw one, I didn't know it was a real gun.

It didn't look like a real gun to me. Really? It was so blocky and chunky. And there was like, this is what a fake kids gun looks like. They make them extra big. Like real guns, they shave all that aluminum and steal down. They get all that weight off. High points like stamping them out.

I think I think parts of it were made out of that material that's like, they take like powdered metal and like maybe some glue and they squeeze it really hard under heat and call that metal. But, you know, if it's struck, it like breaks apart. You know, it's not metal. Yeah, it falls apart. Yeah, those high points are pieces of shit. I always knew they were junk guns. But I thought it was just like a little bit of reliability difference. No. I don't think so. These look terrible. I'm at highpoint.com.

Highpoint firearms.com. And like, you know how if you go to like Henry or Smith and Weston, it'll be like the Red Hawk, oh, Western, you know, 44. Like this, the name of one of their types of nine millimeter handguns is called the model Yeet Cannon Black. Wait, Yeating is when you come on someone, right? No, that's skeeting. Skeeting. Yeating is just when you throw something. Yeah, that's what I mean is a difference.

Yeah, that's not an aftermarket etching. That's, I think you can get it. Yeah, it just says yeat cannon. Their lineup includes the yeet gun. It looks like a paintball pistol, right? Or a pellet pistol or like maybe even like if you told, I saw it in a farmer's like the side pocket of his truck door once. And I was like, maybe that's some sort of.

livestock pistol. Maybe it like shoots a powdered dart to like mark cattle like oh yeah, pick that one out. Something like that. Some sort of livestock tool. He's like, oh no, that's my protection. And I'm like, what a piece of shit that is. Yeah. Oh, bad. It's not a very good farmer.

I would view him as an unsuccessful farmer. Guy who's not turning a profit if he has a high point in this truck. He was an unsuccessful farmer. Yeah. Yeah. We would borrow his trailer because he was never using it. He had this big cattle trailer. No cattle. He's literally all trailer, no cattle. You can get a

Yit Cannon Black NTB 9mm for $229. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to beat that. You could try wheeled for the cost of like the Glock.

Yeah. Yeah, I still save up. I still save up for the Glock. It seems like the only purpose for this gun would be like you're performing a hit and you just want to you're wearing a glove

and you just want to throw it away at the end. Statistically, I wonder what's more reliable. Three high points or a Glock? Probably a Glock. I bet the high points. Three high points. Yeah. If you were like, bet your life,

one of it, something goes bang. I think I'd take the three high points. So we'd shoot, we would, we would, one guy would start with the Glock and one guy would start with one of the high points. And we would go until either the Glock had one malfunction or all three

of the high points had malfunctioned. Ooh. This is a good gun guy question. I don't quite know the answer because I've never shot that piece of shit, but just by reputeeate. But just like, can't be that bad,

I would take the high points, I think. Because Glockes do, you know, every now and then something happens. Are you familiar with the bathtub curb of reliability? Have you guys heard this term before? No. No. All right.

Well, imagine a bathtub. And its shape is the likelihood of failure. So there's a lot of items you buy them and there's like a crib death, you know, you open the box and it was broken. It didn't work. So very new stuff has a higher chance of failure. Once it's proven it works, then it's sort of reliable until it's very old and worn at

which point you hit the other part of the bathtub. That's the bathtub reliability curve. And I would think that if I had a high point and it shot reliably like 75 times, it's probably a good one. I didn't get a lemon and it would do well. But if it was the start of the bathtub curve, I bet on the Glock. That it would be reliable out of the box, whereas high points are more likely to have that crib death and get a failure.

I've never understood like when you're, we've all been there where you're shopping for a new thing. And what did you call it the other day with the monitor? You called it like the staircase of cost to benefit. Oh, yeah. It's my elevator purchasing. Yeah, yeah. Elevator purchasing.

Yeah. I never understand why people get off on the ground floor with something like a high point. Like, I rarely get, I only get off on the ground floor with things I just couldn't care less about and they don't matter at all. Like, I don't know, cashew milk. Let's get the cheap cash milk. We don't need the $8 a gallon cashew milk. But a pistol? Spend the extra $80.

I just found a video of a guy going, high point. pros and cons is the world's cheapest pistol right for you and there's a section where he's trying to like plink metal and like over the course of 12 seconds it's he has to like smack the slide multiple times to shoot it again and then it like gets stuck smack it again shoot it once shoot it again get stuck smack it again i think you might be better with the clock like i mean but then again this guy's a a one high point chump he doesn't have and you can just toss it. Like it's one of those

Borderlands guns. You throw that and it explodes. You just switch to the... Yeah, the reload. You just throw the gun away. Remember that one? Yeah. That was tremendous. I was going to do a video for them one time and we had this whole idea of how to like...

I'm like, we're doing that. We're doing the gun that you reload by throwing it away. But the thing was when you threw the gun away had to explode. So I'm like, we're going to have clocks with C4 in them. And they're looking at me like... Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick.

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Oh. you got a pretty good arm I'm like oh we're not throwing them far we wanted to be really close to be when they go off and they're just like no think fast yeah I don't get off on the ground floor with something that you might risk your life with

or something like that that's for like coffee pods and shit like that I like the I don't get off on the ground floor something's going to last a long time for something like a monitor that depends on what your needs are etc. Like I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, you bought a really nice TV, but you got an

inexpensive TV, right? And I think you, so there's, there's a good case for that. Like, hey, you know what? It turns out this, the beginning of OLED, which is the beginning of the top, is not a bad place to be. So I could get that. Um, but if it's going to last a lifetime, like a gun, actually, guns would last way longer than my lifetime.

I've got like 25 years to go. Like, gun, it'll last so. many lifetimes, you might as well get a good one. So, that would get a good one. You got more than 25 in you. That put me at 78, really? Definitely. Yeah, well, I mean, you're going to cut the shit with the flying and the, maybe bowling golf. I agree. I see no reason why you can't hit the, hit the 80s with your like, you know, lifestyle and everything like that, minus the extreme sports. Like, like, Like you don't want to take up drag racing in your in your 70s or anything. Then I don't think you're going to make it.

Well, see, there was a time. Like when my grandmother died, my grandfather died, my father's sister died, like all these people didn't make it past their 60s. And I was like, so I'm probably healthier than they are. But whatever. But my father, I think he's 76. He might be 77. And he like breaks the record every day he's alive for Woodworths.

So we're redefining the upper limit. Okay. Well, he's like, he's still tooling around. Like he's, he's in, seems like he's going on vacations and stuff, right? Like, doing he's on vacation right now. Yeah. Some country. I don't know.

Perfetually, it's great. Dude, you can't keep up. He's either all. And it's never like, oh, he went from Orlando to Pensacola. No, he's in fucking China or Israel or Ireland or something like that. We're on the island of Dr. Moreau. Yes, it's very exclusive. Maybe not a great time for Israel to for a vacation.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. He goes there. He's like super Christian. So he likes to go to Israel. It could be that now is the time. Like maybe it's cheap as fuck. Like during COVID when like getting the cruises was like they were giving them away. Maybe right now Israel's like come on like get in the come to one of our beaches. It's probably going to be fine. I look at that tourist to find the landmines. Disaster tourism has always appealed to me. Like whenever. the Ukraine thing first popped off and like you were seeing the drones

like hitting Kiev buildings and you didn't know which way it was going to go. My first thought was to get on the internet and find out how much Airbnbs were going for in Kiev right now. And it's just like the bottom fell out. Something like that happens. Or like when there's a nuclear meltdown in Japan,

it's like, oh, Fukushima is great this time of year. You want to go, guys? They're giving these rooms away. Like I always interested in that. Because you've always said like the war tourism, but like you'd like walk to the front lines or whatever and they'd be like go away unless they'd either say go away or some like burly Eastern European would grab you and be like thank you for coming go and like push you in front. But if not, if they turn you around, then you're like on your phone like things to do in Kiev. Oh, there's a pretty wicked go cart track near here. I bet there's stuff.

That sounds cool. I wouldn't go anywhere near that, that, that war, though. Like, there's like a 20 kilometer zone between the front line and the rear guard that's just drone heavy, where it's hard to get to the front lines. More people die going back and forth from like home base or whatever to the front lines than fighting on the front lines. I don't want to go there at all. The supply change crazy. It turns out that's what wins worse. And it's an area where America's just, I mean, are you inundated with all this like we're out of missiles stuff?

We're low on attack. Oh, yeah. So apparently, we've used 80% of our missile stockpiles in Iran. This is attackums and something else that, but it's surface to surface missiles that we're particularly short on. And we can't launch the attacks that Trump wants to launch. Apparently, he's screaming at Pete Hegseth because. Trump is not being properly informed. He's being lied to.

And now he's found out that we don't have enough missiles. And he's like, what the fuck, Pete? You know, I thought we could do this. And they're denying it happened. They're reporting that it happened. Who knows? But the U.S.'s war machine has been drained of its missiles. It would seem service-to-service missiles in particular.

Fawn. Companies are only too happy to have another order placed. What we need are less tricky missiles, like less decked. And that's apparently where we're moving to. We're downgrading the tech in our missiles. And apparently the missiles are like almost as good, but way cheaper. And that is a better way to conduct a war than our very Cadillac, sophisticated missiles, which are very, very good.

But we can't even keep enough of them around. And it takes years to rebuild the stockpile for something like the Iran wars. Yeah. Makes sense. There was no reason to have to furthering those away. Like, like, No. Our general use case seems to be like,

oh, there's like 80 guys over there and we need to kill all 80 of them. Like, like try not to hurt anybody else while you do it. That's when you need those Cadillac missiles. But then Trump picks a war with a 100 million population, like world power that's financed

and armed by Russia and China. And yeah, he just bled through all our missiles. Didn't he spend like, did they say 30 billion or 300 billion he spent? So what they said was 30, but that appears to be a lie. And they asked for something like 150 billion in replenishment funds. In addition to the trillion dollar budget we already have, that doesn't cover, apparently doesn't cover activities.

So in addition to the trillion dollar budget, we need another 150 billion, 250 billion, something like that, to replenish the missiles that we fired. Well, we'll just borrow that. We're no better as a country than those like, I don't know what to call them, those people that used to buy cars from me for fucking finance for 84 months at like at 19% interest. And it's like, dude, you're going to pay $100,000 for this civic by the time you're done. America's debt has skyrocketed to 40 trillion, 4-0 trillion.

And the first time Bush, I'm sorry, the first time Trump was president, the national debt skyrocket under that too. He cuts taxes and increases spending. That's what he does. I think we've only had one president ever get us back to a cool zero. Clinton. No, it was, I think it was Andrew Jackson to completely eliminate the national debt. Oh, okay. No one else's. He got the national debt.

The national budget. Yeah, Clinton, he didn't pay off all the debt, which might be what Taylor's referring to. What Clinton did was not accrue any more debt. It actually paid off some small amount of it. But after Clinton was that W?

They quickly just cut some taxes and started a few wars and fucked up our debt again. Can we just send the army to the people holding that debt and be like, cancel it? Cancel the debt? When you don't pay off your debt,

when you don't pay off your debt, no one lends you the next time. Yeah, that's the downside. Let's do you ask. Let's do you guys. See? We don't pay. Yeah, you've got to pay.

And the interest is a trillion a year now. The interest alone is a trillion a year. Yeah, but that can't possibly go higher. It's an upbounding interest. You raise the interest rates, which includes how much we have to pay for our national debt, when inflation is high to lower inflation. and get that back under control. So there's a real interesting test coming up.

I don't know if it's happened yet or if happens like it's super soon. Trump replaced Jerome Brown. He was the head of the Federal Reserve who kind of just like did the right thing, even though Trump pressured him to lower rates at a time of inflation. And you can remember him with the hard hat, Trump lying about his spending on some building, all that bullshit. Well, he's done. He served out his term and now they have a new guy.

And Trump's like lower interest rates coming soon. But the thing is the inflation that we're seeing in our economy would necessitate higher rates. And we're going to see whether this guy acts independently like a good Federal Reserve chair or whether he lowers rates and fucks the country because it would be good for housing. I don't know how we get out of it. Like we're just in like we're in a, it's, we're seven years into a skid that's like, it's been so horrible for normal people since COVID. And every year it's like, oh, maybe it'll get better.

No, maybe it'll get better. Oh, no. Nope, it's just going to continue grinding and everything will get more expensive. Like every like two weeks you see a new study where it's like, now 50% of most. millennials in Gen Z, or millennials over 34 are living with their parents. And then you'll see like boomers being like, yeah, well, when I was, I bought a house in 1974 with my hard work. And it's like, fuck you.

You're a whole owner too. But you're wrong. There are two things. Here's one I don't agree with. When young people are like, the job market sucks. It's terrible. I wish the old people would just retire. the working people could all slide up and then the entry level would be ours.

I had that same fantasy when I was 20 years old too. I get it. But it's not like wildly different to get a job than it has been overtime. But affording college and affording a home, that's not the same. It is genuinely tougher now than it used to be. And I feel for the young people, it's tough. Yeah. Yeah, it really sucks.

I feel really bad for like it really was. like the last chopper out of Vietnam for a lot of people in 2019 for buying property. And now it's just prohibitive for a ton of people. And so they're just having to like work jobs that they can't progress. And they're like, oh, I did what I was told by the boomers. And I got a degree and a computer programming. And, oh, I think I'm going to apply for this job at Tesla. Oh, no, H-1B guy took it. Okay. I'll apply over this. Microsoft. Oh, no, they're paying a guy from a different country. I always said that like tech school is the way to go. Like I I never saw somebody go to tech school and get and learn a trade that didn't immediately go into the profession. They didn't

sit on the sidelines with their heating and air certification or their welding certification or or whatever, you know, become become a plumber or a tradesman or whatever. Like there's a job for you. It just just seems like there's always a job that you can work your way up. You trade your body though, like over the years like that's rough. There's some great things about tech school, right? The money is good. The employment is almost guaranteed if you work hard, right? If you go up, I'm sorry, if you go out there and do what you say you're going to do on

time, that makes you a rare commodity in the tech world. So that's pretty awesome. But their pay is lower. Their workplace injuries are higher. Their unemployment rates are higher. I'm doing non-college grads with the unemployment rate, not necessarily tech school. But like there's a good life to be had in going to college too. And it's been maligned so much that like college is endless debt.

It's not worth it. It's a waste, et cetera, et cetera. And then they'll grab the worst college majors to make their example. They never talk about petroleum engineering. That's not one. No, no. That's like that degree doesn't exist. They fucking rich the day they walk out of school.

And, you know, I was just looking at something on Reddit today about software engineer salaries. now it was like the big firms, but these guys are making quarter million as new grads. And that wasn't even the high ones. Like the AI firms. You know Jeremy. Not the brightest bulb. Didn't go and graduate high school.

Do you know what Jeremy makes a year? He's making six figures welding. With no certificate. Oh, not even a qualified welder. Just, you know. Not even a qualified weld. That is amazing. If it's true.

I don't know. Because we're taking Jeremy's word, I assume, at this. No, no, I know I know how he got the job And so like I know what the job pays Like like six figures That's terrific

I used to watch this welder on YouTube I'm a bad welder myself So I watch welding and watch him do his thing And maybe learn from him And he's like Yeah, it's a great job It's a young man's job Like when you're 40 you can't do this anymore

Now he was young He might change his mind at 40 but what kind of welding did he do this guy did welding for hire so it seemed like he had a truck that he would take to farms and things

and fix what was broken oh that's hard they've got a job welding for the nuclear power industry in some way they're always building new nuclear plants I guess and it takes like a generation to construct one

so if they start building a new nuclear plant and you've got a job there don't think oh, well, what are you going to do after that job? I don't know, retire. I'll be about 67. The thing with welding to me is, like, what position is the material you're welding in, right? If I can take it to a desk and sit on a stool and weld, well, shucks, you can do that for a long, long time. It's a little tough.

Stools aren't great, but whatever. On the other hand, like, imagine a pipeline. Sure, the top of it is easy, but at some point you're on your back welding up while, like, slagging shit is dripping on you. If you go to the material and it can't be repositioned because it's a pipeline, then now it's a hard job. Sometimes they have to weld. There are these coolant pipes running. They're against the wall. You're in like a concrete square tunnel.

And there are these six inch coolant pipes running along the wall. And they need to be welded all the way around. So they use a mirror. There's a mirror on the back. And he looks in the, he welds through the mirror backwards. Like with a little pig set up, it's crazy. If I'm on a table, I can lay some mig welds that's the easiest kind of welding or even stick welds, which is the second easiest maybe. Pretty well.

You'd look at it and be like, eh, that'll hold. Yeah. But if I'm laying on my back welding underneath my buggy and the soft road thing I used to do, you would not be impressed with my weld. It's stuck together. I had a friend who was like all about in high school that he was going to be an underwater welder. Like that's what he wanted to do. He took like scuba diving certifications. He still is to my knowledge unless it expired a scuba diving.

I looked into this last week. Really? Yeah. And he told me he's like, he was like, that's what I'm going to do. You make a ton of money. And I remember like even at the time being like, that seems just just horrible like doing that. And then that dream died when he's he talked to one for a while. He like talked to a real underwater welder.

And I talked to him about it like months after the fact. And I was like, he's still thinking about that? And he's like, no, no, no. I talked to someone who did that. I don't think I'm going to do it anymore. And I'm like, what do you say that, like, turns you off? He's like, he said it was terrifying. Like, you said, like, that you're, that you're under the sea and it's just,

black, beasts bound potentially. You're under the sea, you just. I've seen videos of the guys doing it. And obviously it varies, like locations and this guy. He was down so far that it was. It was black. Either he was welding at night or there was no sun

that could get to his depth. And he's illuminated really brightly. But that just adds more to the contrast of the inky black ocean that he's in. And he's just down there and you see the strobe of the welder and everything. And then a big fish just goes past him. And it was so big, Woody.

Now, I know that it was not a predatory fish, but it was a big enough fish that if it had been like, you know what? Fuck it. And like grabbed, bit him, it could have taken him away. It was so big. I couldn't do it either.

And something else the Aquaman of the group. Something about being down there in that inky blackness. Not knowing if there's literally a gigantic monster feet away would be so awful. And you're focused on your work and you can't hear anything. Your senses are deprived. No. No. The part that you guys didn't like is not the part that scares me.

Being deep underwater, that's why I'm there. That part I like. What got me was the cold. apparently the overwhelming job the overwhelming amount of these jobs is in cold water I'm picturing 18 feet deep

what was it called deep sea blue what was the thing in the golf that there's a it was a DP it was a drilling station deep blue maybe right I'm picturing that thing's got a leak it's 12 feet down they need Woody to come in there

and weld up a patch or something like that so they hire the underwater welder and it's kind of nice right that's not it at all. You are so deep that the travel to like the commute to get 100 feet down and back up without getting the bends is a time consuming mess. The like the thing you're wearing is very constrictive. It's not the wet suit I had surfing.

It's some other underwater like metal gear. I don't know what. It's black like you said. There's no light at all, which is just a lousy, yucky work environment. It's freezing cold. The apprentice period is awful. Just the underwater. water welders bully you for years and years and years while you like handle materials on deck

you know for them and like bring lines around and stuff like that and you know the thing I was reading about was like but once you do get in there become a real underwater welder there's a tight-knit community of friends who actually have this job like I'm not here for fucking friends I thought it'd be a good job like you can say that about any job like once you do become an attorney you have attorney friends yeah you know about saturation diving a lot little bit. So they, they pressurize and you send you down there and you're, you're breathing heliocs down there so that you're, and so everybody's voice sounds fucking crazy. There's a story about this guy in the North Sea of, you know, of Scotland or wherever, somewhere in that area.

And he got, there was a big storm and the way they've got like an umbilical that comes down. and I don't know what the thing the umbilical connects to was called, but it's like a life hatch type thing, that they can swim up into a hole that's in the bottom of it and take their masks off and chat, and then they can go back down and work some more. It's sort of an in-between from the surface and, like, the work area. And they sort of like umbilical it around to the work areas they need to be at.

Well, there's a big storm up top, and the umbilical's being drug. Something about the shit. Dragged. the ship's stabilizing mechanism is faulty or something. They're being dragged. And the guy isn't in the umbilical. He's down on the workpiece with a hose connecting him to the umbilical.

And that is dragging. And then it drags and drags and gets wrapped around something and it snaps. And he's on his own. And the other divers are in the umbilical being drug off into the inky blackness, that away. And he's down there with no oxygen for 35 minutes. they don't know how he survived. He just did.

He's just different now. They went and got, by the time they got him back, a guy had to go down and like muscle him up, back and swim him up into the umbilical and get him in there and do a little CPR and he woke up and he's fine. 35 minutes. Dude, it would be cool to have a little underwater break room, you know,

where everyone talks on helium. How's it going for you, Taylor? pretty fine that was really good everyone sounds like fucking a dwarf yeah yeah that that job sucks all break rooms should be helium filled

oh go ahead what what extreme job does the kind of job that comes with hazard pay which one do you think is the most appealing because I think underwater welding is very appealing I think it's I don't know about the like death rates but something about that I know that I would be scared

down there and I'd probably freak out and I would be best case scenario I'm just full of anxiety eight hours a day like and and then the night I'm going to sleep thinking I got to go back down there tomorrow. The fantasy of it is cool but the cold dark

murky water that's not cool to me at all so that it's a bad work environment if they got paid big bucks you know like you made 400K as an underwater welder with this very rare skill that'd be neat you know it's a neat job the big boat salvage.

Like, you know, when a cruise liner sinks and it's tilted on its side, and they have to somehow find a way to refloat it and drag it to India for, like, deconstruction, that'd be a fun gig. That would be definitely preferred to underwater welding. I'm trying to think of a hazard paid job that's terrestrial. I mean, if there was, I'm picturing a cruise ship that's, like, on its side in, like, Bahama waters. And you're just down there like, ha ha, this is wonderful with a cutting torch.

This was like off the coast of Italy. I think it's pretty nice. That's not too bad. You want someone playing like steel drums still kind of audible under the water? Then you get addicted to it, right? Then you become an eco-terrorist. You're blowing up. You have to take the ships out in idyllic areas around the world

so that your company can get the job doing the salvage. Like a fireman who makes his own business, right? A little bit of arson on the side. then you put the fire out. Woody's always the first to respond. We don't get paid by the hour, you asshole. What are you doing? A lot of his

natural hazard pay job. Like I think of the, I don't know if you get hazard pay, but the lumberjack stuff is super dangerous. I think it's the most dangerous job every year. I think you're right. Yeah, people get linedman. You ever see those guys who were just up on the wires? Like literally traversing the big

high tension, high voltage wires. They're up there with gloves and you see them like do that thing where they go to grab it and at first it arcs and then they get a firm grip. That looks pretty. My grandpa did that in the 70s. Linemen are the heroes that don't get credit

for being heroes, right? Everyone talks about first responders, right? And of course, you know, the police and the EMS guys and stuff, they save lives. Linemen are kind of first responders too. And they save lives indirectly. I guarantee you if that power kept out, people would die. And

And Lyman save lives on a grand scale, not one at a time. And like, whenever they bring my electricity back on, and I know it's some dude who traveled here from Michigan to North Carolina because the storms were forecasted, I'm like, that guy, that's hero work. I know he's doing it for money too. Like, I'm not dumb. Well, not that. I'm a little bit on the spectrum a little bit.

But, like, but what he's doing is good, just because he's getting paid. for it doesn't make it. Yeah, I appreciate this, guys. When I'm without electricity, it's, it's, it's, it's a sobering experience. It's, we're just kind of sitting there like, yeah, I'm tired of reading a book by candlelight. This is, this is not my speed. You can only do that for it. We were without power once for five days or something like that.

Like, that second cold shower is, is really bracing. You know, the first one, it's kind of like, oh, cold showers. emergency mode, but that second day when you're like, I don't think it's coming back today, and I really, I mean, I need to take a shower. Yeah. Dude, I'd be going Asman Gold mode and being like, I probably, I don't even need this.

It smell like shit. I got wet wipes. I got wet wives. We're good. Have you seen his lady friend? I did. I saw he as a girlfriend now. I'm going to guess she's way hotter than people would guess. Of course she is. But is she really? Because he's like

probably worth like $50 million or something. And so you would expect him to have a girlfriend like that. I think she's a like Twitch streaming like pretty Asian girl type person. I don't know what she streams or like what her business is. I don't know any of that. But I've just seen some clips of them like hanging out in his house together. She opens his refrigerator and she's like, that's a cockroach head. He goes, no, it's not.

And he walks over and he's like, that is a cockroach's head. how that get in there? And he makes up some story about how the cockroach head might have gotten in there and it made no sense. Every picture I see of her looks fake. She has a very

sharp, like, filter chin. It looks like she's standing at a very deliberate angle for the camera. I've noticed she wears a little contouring makeup too that makes her like nose and chin kind of like accentuated.

A little contouring, yeah. Tiny and pointy. Yeah, I think she's going for kind of an anime princess look. I mean, I don't, I think the reason he doesn't buy a new house is because of like sentimentality. But he could keep that house and buy another one too. Like, buy a second house and just keep this house. Good for Asman. He could just buy a new house every time he's like, I don't want to clean.

I'm guessing it's part of the brand, you know, like, Do you guys watch Jigsie at all? No, I'm aware of him. Jigsie is a very popular streamer. He's on that short list of most popular at the moment. He plays Rainbow 6 a lot, which is the same game I'm into lately. And he's charismatic, but he screams into a bad mic that clips all the time. And he is the sound proofing in his room is terrible.

I'm looking for a better, you know, the sound absorbing. That's what I'm looking for. terrible. So to me, his audio is bad, but it's also part of his charm. And when people hear him like flip out and his mic clips and the audio is terrible, I think there's a certain like, you know, something from nothing made this all himself charm that people enjoy about his F grade audio. Sure. Yeah. I know, I mean, that's a big meme with Aspen Gold on him. It's like that it's like they like he's always goblin mode like he's just in that house and I saw I I don't know if I mentioned it but I watched some video of him like touring to other

YouTuber or maybe streamers through and he was talking about having like tidied up a little bit like no like you're having to like turn sideways to go through the hallway because there's so much stuff he's like that's a that's a 75 inch TV that a company sent me for a sponsorship never got around to opening it. It's just a box in the hallway of like a 4K gigantic teeth. Imagine he hires someone to clean his room, right? And it's perfectly clean. They do.

And behind him is like the neon and the stuff that like, you know, like a hot girl streamer would have and the whole room is perfect. Then he's not Asman Gold anymore. I think he still would be. He has like a maid service that comes in and like keeps his house. Like every time someone, he'll get the camera and like, yeah, oh yeah, for a while now. He'll show his room is very clean. Is it a maid service?

There's like a chain gang, guys with those sticks with metal things. He's just walking through the stick and everything. The guys with orange vests in the cleaning up. I almost had to do that. Man, I'm never going to, I'm never going to go back to breaking the law. I learned my lesson. Yeah. I mean, I think it would be good if he, uh, mm-hmm.

I was playing for some of that. It was, uh, it's how I meant. my wife, right? I threw the jelly down the stairs of the dorms in college. And when I got busted, they gave me a choice of like community services that I could do. I think washing police cars was one around the campus with the sticks. It's kind of a not a bad gig, except everyone sees you and it's so embarrassing. So I didn't do that. I ended up watching people's kids. I worked, I volunteered for a daycare. I was like, this is where you send the delinquents for punishment. I'll do that one. then. So I worked in Dake, and I was terrible. They had these like blocks, like bad kids,

big wooden blocks the size of bricks. They were kids of the like student moms. And, um, uh, you could only build the structures like two feet tall. And I'm like, well, that's a dumb rule. Knock yourselves out, kids. Oh my God. They're falling on their heads. They're building little houses to crawl into. And they're clumsy and they bump into them and they're crying. And I'm like, ah, maybe that rule was a good idea. Maybe I'm not ready to watch children yet. This is a, you what? I didn't mean to call them to the mic then. No big deal. Sorry about that. Well, that's a good segue then. Because Kyle, last week, I was AFK and you joked about my 11-year-old DUI charge for the first time on the show. All this good. No harm, no foul. Sorry about that.

I had to do community service for that where I loaded and unloaded a truck at like a Goodwill. And it was actually, it was actually pretty fun. How many hours did you serve in days? It was over a couple weekends. And so like on Saturdays I had to go. But all the guys there were like chill and fun. And it was a very like jokey, blue collier atmosphere. And so it was like, and it was like there were times where like I was trying to.

to be more proactive. Like there would be a big tub of clothes. And the boss lady would come back and be like, all right, well, that truck's empty. You guys need to get to organizing these. And then I would like start doing it. And some other guy would come over and be like, we don't do that shit, bro. And I was like, well, I want to seem cool. So yeah, we don't do that shit, bro.

Like we move boxes. We don't organize clothes. Yeah. Although that would seem like a filthy job. I wouldn't want to go through the, like, the intake at a goodwill could have all sorts of filthy shit coming through. There was, there was some gross stuff that like you were like, who thought this was okay to donate? But the vast majority was like normal things on them. I've seen that. Tell me more. At goodwill. Oh, okay. I'm good. There's a subreditor for that. Is it called panty sugar or some shit?

Maybe it is. I thought it was panty candy, but I think you might be right. I forget. I don't actually go to that subred it all the time. Disgusting. Neither of those are very appealing. But I'm aware of its existence. So I'll tell that story.

Not too long. Don't have monopolies the conversation too long. But like 11 years ago, 2015, I'm much younger, but much, much, much dumber. and I was working at the airport and I only mentioned that because my my weekends were like topsy-turvy. Shout out to anybody working one of those airport jobs where you have like a Thursday Friday weekend one week and then like a Tuesday, Wednesday the next week. It sucks.

This is airport car rental, right? Airport car rental, yeah. And so I just mentioned that because on I believe it was like a Monday, the day it happened, but that was my Friday. And so I was like, man, I'm going to. to get like my Friday night no one's doing anything because it's like you know it's everyone's Monday so I'm gonna like I'm gonna get drunk I'm gonna get high I'm gonna grind destiny I'm gonna pick up food on the way home just like alone time so I do that until like 1130 at night and I'm like

fuck out of food out of beer I want to go to a gas station and get a few more hours out of this night very dumb move don't do that kids because I was like I've been ripping bowls all night. And 2015, by the way, weed was not chill in 2015. Like, it was a pretty big. And you're cross-faded or just weed? No, both. I've been drinking beer. I'd been smoking weed. And I knew, like, you definitely shouldn't be driving. But in my head, and like, I texted Kyle the other day. I was like, dude, some of these theories, the listeners are coming up with what my DUI must have been like are so wild and GTA-esque that, like, they're going to call me gay for the real story. And which is to be expected, I deserve it.

But this gas station I have to mention was my routine walking to gas station. Like I would go there during the week and get chips or a couple sodas or on the weekends I'd get beer on off days. I would like go get a Red Bull or a monster in the morning sometimes just to be out of that shithole apartment that I hated. It was walking distance from your apartment. Correct. Yeah. Okay. And I told Kyle. I'm like, man, there's no way it was more than 300 yards.

But I was like, maybe I'm coping. Maybe it was further than that. I want to look up the actual GPS. 0.11 miles. 194 yards was how far away my 400 yard round trip. And like, I knew going out there. Like, it's all on me. Like, no matter how short the distance, how slow you're going, like, don't drink and drive.

You're a fucking fool. I was a fool. Very selfish. I regret it a lot. I deserve it. happened. But in my head, it was like, I was so fucked up. I was like, who cares? Like, just do it. Like, you'll get a couple more minutes. There's no reason to watch. It's Monday night. What's the worst that happens? It's Monday night. It's only, it's only this guy's Friday.

Everybody else with a, with a happy life has worked tomorrow. Just do it. What's the worst that happens? That you're out over $6,000. And, and that, that, Thousands of people clown on you on the internet for over a decade. That'll never happen. What was your BAC? My BAC, oh, dude, I did okay on the sobriety field test, but my BAC after I blew, the guy, when I was in the back of the cop car after failing the, because I was such a young, dumb fool, I like did okay on the line walk.

And I was like, like in my head, I'm like, this is going great. The cop. But meanwhile, like, I think I fooled you. I think I fooled you. Nah, he knew. And this guy, we had, we actually had a disagreement over the definition of a step, a very respectful disagreement because I was very meek out of being terrified. But basically, he said, start with one foot on the line. And like your right foot.

And then take steps with your left foot and count. to 10 and then turn around with while keeping your hands at your side and but stay on the line when you turn around and like I'm doing it and I'm like you're the best around like I was doing like good on that and I'm like this is going pretty well I get to the end I turn around because this was long enough ago that I still had a semblance of athleticism and and balance and I turn around being like, that went great. And he was like, okay, good. But you took 11 steps, not 10. And I was like, and more evidence I was fucked up. And, and like, if you would, if you just could see me, like, I was clearly drunk. And also, like, I'd smoked so much weed,

like aggressively bloodshot eyes. Like, like, you could watch a movie in the reflection of my eyes. I had such high, glassy eyes. Like, I was like visibly fucked up. And, he was like you took 11 steps and I like was like well no I you heard me I counted to 10 and he was like you counted to 10 but I told you to start with your right foot on the line and so that means that that first step of your left foot is actually step number two and I was like but it doesn't count as a step until you move forward like that's what steps are and believe it or not I got owned I I didn't know I was a mere college freshman and he was Ben Shapiro He owns me with facts and logic.

And he did not agree with me, which I was wrong about everything that night for driving drunk, for being reckless, all of that. I maintain that I was 100% right about the definition of a step. It is not a step until you start moving forward. At IKEA, we make things just for college life like the Rosenmandel blackout curtains in gray. They say you can't be. put a price on sleep, but we did for the low, low price of $49.99. Why are you in my room? Shh, go back to sleep.

You have a big exam tomorrow. Shop back to school at IKEA. So I picture like an imaginary tea on the ground and they say, okay, start here and follow this line, right? Is he counting steps approaching the imagine? engineering tea? Like, what are we doing? So it's like, it's like a, it was a line in between a parking space. And he said, start with your right foot on it. And so I started with my right foot on it. And then after I counted to 10, he said, you took 11 steps because you should have counted that foot that was static that you started on as step one. And my point was like, no, a step is a meet like, like at the time,

I couldn't articulate this, but like this is like walking is a mode of locomotion. The, the current of walking is steps. Like, until you're moving forward. Yeah, pretty bad for them. I didn't do this, but like, you have to agree. Until you're moving foot, like, if you were, if either of you were standing still in the corner of a room and I were like, can you guys take five paces towards me? You wouldn't look at whatever foot happened to be slightly further ahead and then go two,

three, four, like, no, you got to be moving forward to count the step. And so I was wrong. Exactly. I was wrong about everything else that night. But I was right about the steps. I'm with you on the steps. And I think those field sobriety tests, the one where you perform these like minor league athletic things,

are just done for them. If you bullshit reasons why you didn't succeed. Oh, for sure. Like, and I was, I didn't know. They're like light and tech. Yeah, I was, I was fucked. And then, you know, he was not swayed by my attempts. And so, like, I'm in the back of the police car.

And he's like, all right. If you, you can do the breathalizer or I can blood test. you at the precinct. And in my head, I was like, if they test my blood, they'll definitely know I'm fucking high as draft pussy right now. Like as if they would like to be testing for that. I don't know, but it really spooked me. And so, and then he was like, if you burp, we have to wait 15 minutes. And then if you burp again, I wait another 15 minutes. And then after that, you either take the breathalyzer test or I take you to the station and we blood test you. And so like he'd reduced my my hand. I was holding just at this point, I've got two burp cards. I got a pair of burps. And so like, I played

the only cards I have where he's like, did you burp? And I was like, yep, another silent, senteless burp officer. And like, I don't know what I was hoping for doing that other than wasting mine and his time. Stovering up in the next 30 minutes, I guess. Definitely wouldn't have been enough. But it was like, maybe, maybe there will be some horrible domestic nearby where he's like, you looked out. Get out of here. Like, but I had no such luck. No one, no psycho was killing the families. And, uh, That's when you need your buddy. You need to hear me to like see the scene happening from your your apartment's balcony, get in his car and crash headlong into the cop car.

Oh, I needed that. I heard your wife cheated. I'd respond aggressively because I'm not a pussy. You're on you. He's in a Ford Explorer. The lights are on. There's the domestic you needed. Yeah.

And so that all goes on. And then he's like, all right, you're going to blow or are you going to blood test? And like the idea of a blood test spooked me so much. So I'm like, I'll blow. And so then I blow in it. And the like ring a ding ding ding like, the like, oh, you lose noise came up. And like it was like point. It was like point one to.

Like it was not like you like there was no reason to send this to New York for review. Like I was not like near touch the ground. You're into the drunk zone, but you're not breaking any records. No. No, I wasn't breaking it. As a matter of fact, like my attorney. This is flashing forward a little bit. But when I got my attorney, a couple days later, I walk into his office the first time.

And he was like, all right, good news and bad news. So the bad news is you're in Idaho. And, you know, I've looked at your case and, you know, you're a first time offender. Compared to most things I see as far as like distance and speed. Like this whole thing, I bet I topped out speed like at 13, 14 miles an hour. It was just like going across the road. And he was like, so it was a low risk thing. And so I'm sure that you're thinking that this could be pled down.

And in my head, I'm like, that hadn't even considered that. And he's like, well, in Idaho, that's not possible. Most other states would look at this and they would agree to make it a lower charge and only make it a DUI if you had a subsequent one. But I just want to get that idea out of your head right now because this isn't going away. You're going to have to plead to this charge. And then like, but when I walked in the office, it had never crossed my mind that it could be a lower charge. And so he basically, like, introduced the idea that, like, that there were 49 other states I could have fucked around in it and, like, apparently not been a big deal. And then his, like, good news to try and bring me back up, he's like, the good news is that there are tears of blood alcohol content in Idaho.

And the way I remember him explaining it to me was like anything about 0.08 is illegal, but they have a number way above 0.08 that they call excessive. Yeah. Maybe other states are like that. And so like he said like if you're excessive, then it can even be a felony. Like like really, really big deal. And his like good news was like the good news is you're in the misdemeanor category. And so as long as you behave, then you don't do this again in the next two years. This will be expunged. And so I was like, okay. So your good news was something I saw online earlier and your bad news was something I didn't know was possible and then you tore away. Thanks for that. What do I? owe you but yeah that was like the $6,000 yeah and they're like it's expunged but nothing goes away on

the internet he's like you ever hear those guys you can't pay up their college the college loans yeah i'm not one of them taylor i mean i just i didn't like shop around i just went on google and like found the guy with like the most good reviews and this seemed like his specialty was all sorts of traffic shit. So I just went with him. But the like faster than any DMV was my experience like between the like him saying you're under arrest and like getting in a taxi at the end of it being like what the fuck. Like because all I was after he said you're under arrest. And I said like these same three phrases in my head for like months nonstop afterward. Just like the fuck is wrong with you. Why didn't you just walk? And you're one of the.

those fucking guys now. Like just those things over and over. Like I was, after he said you're under arrest, he could have sang fucking Yankee doodle dandy in the car. Instead of reading me my rights, I wouldn't have known. It was like a flashbang.

But then when I get there, because like again, it's only this guy's Friday night. For everyone else, it's regular Monday. It was the, it was the fastest government experience I've ever had. I go in and the guys like takes my wallet,

driver's license, credit card, home insurance card, or not home insurance, It's a car insurance card. Fucking three more sandwiches at Blimpy. He gets a free one. $17. Here you are, sir.

Go through the next room. Look at you fingerprinted. Walk right through. It's a ghost town. There's like those like foamy doctor's chairs in like a crescent. There's only one person there like a skinny little white crackhead meth head looking guy. He's watching a subtitled version of Mori. And I get fingerprinted.

He tells me to sit down. I like look up to see who the father is for like a. second and then I turned back and the the meth guy jump scared me and he starts like being like man I can't stay in here tonight you know it's $500 I'm good for $500 but I can't get it it's all in cash and so you give me your phone number tomorrow I meet up with you I give you $600 you just get me out of here I can't stay here and man and like I'm already in the middle of him doing that I'm like deal Taylor I remember being like like so rattled like from all of this and like and I in still in my head like my eyes are still like red as the devil's day.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop where they're like, where I'm just like, they're going to be like, something smells skunky. And then like, then I'm in more trouble. But like, I just stood up and I was like, oh, think about it. You're not a narcotics in your home with the night, young man. And so I fled. I fled like a baby up to the receptionist area where the cop was like typing the last of my details. And I was like, hey, when should I call a taxi? And he's like, oh, actually, here's the card.

You should probably call him now. I'm wrapping you up pretty quick. also I need your card to charge you and then sign these two things and here's your receipt and you not even have to go to a cell no I had a similar experience when I had that I was falsely arrested for uh for I had basically I was in Walmart with my gun and uh I was with my cousin Scott and Gator had fucked the manager's wife and the manager knew it so when we walked in he called the cops on us and said they're armed men in Walmart guess he's trying to get us killed and so So the cops show up, we show them our carry permits, and the cop basically said, that

doesn't apply. Those don't work in Walmart. Complete false arrest, but that's neither here or there. But we were in, it was late. Like, we were at Walmart at like 11 p.m. or something playing the video games in the back. Like, I don't know. I'm like 22 and Scott's 21, I think.

And when we got to the jail, there's a, we're sitting in this, this like side room getting fingerprinted and getting our mugshots taken. And the intake officer is like this really sweet, like slightly effeminate and fat, sort of like John Candy character that we're like yucking around with having a good time. And there's a TV monitor up in the top corner of the room that's showing the cells in the back, the jail. And it's like 20 black guys that look like they're having a dance party. They look like they're beating up a ghost back there.

We can't see, but only they can see. Because they're all just, they're screaming nonsense. Two of them are in an argument, like across, like they can't get to each other, but they're in different cells. And he's like, I try to get this paperwork done quick. Ain't no need for y'all have to go back there tonight. You're not even allowed a belt in there.

And I'm like, what would they do with my belt? Probably hang you with it. And I'm like, why would you say that to me? We were so scared that he was going to put his back. I'm like, one of us has to, to Scott. I'm like, one of us has to call our dads, paper rock scissors. Let's figure this out. And we played paper rock scissors one out of one and he lost. And so we called his dad. And my dad didn't know anything about it for like a while afterwards, not until it was all over.

But it was false. Like you could walk through. Well, like I've told the story. Was there a sign on the door? No. No. I don't think Walmart has that. But that wasn't even their argument. Their argument was that carry permits don't apply to war. Walmarts. And so we were, but they did. It's weird. So they were charging us with some serious stuff. And when we got to court, the judge, he was like, oh, yeah, those carry permits, they don't work for Walmart.

And I literally had to defend us real quick. And like, I saved the day. Then I had a panic attack and they had to drag me out of there. And the judge said, Scott laughs too when I tell this story. But then I point out that he turned white as a government. clammed up and didn't say a word. That judge was talking about years. I bucked up. I had paperwork.

Did everybody on your team carry you out like Spider-Man? Like, careful, he's a hero. They grabbed my belt. Like, each of them had, like, one hand, like, in my belt and the other on my shoulder. And they, like, marionetted me out of the room. I mean, Jeremy, it was pretty helpful. He didn't have to, like, move his lips like that. So I was like, the judge was like, yeah, those carry permits don't apply to public gatherings and Walmart's a public gathering.

And I'm like, I had this quote here from the Attorney General of Georgia where he refers to grocery stores and clothing outlet stores. Surely Walmart is also like covered. And that was the only thing that kept us from like going to fucking jail or something. He was like, oh, well, let me look into that. And then like six weeks later, they like, they didn't apologize, but they gave us their guns back. and the whole thing was like, just went away. That suck.

That's at least called for like an edible arrangement. I would have liked an edible arrangement. I was, and I could feel myself about having the panic attack in court. Bear in mind, I'm standing in front of like the big scary tall desk that has like not just the judge behind it, but he's got like backup up there.

He's got like a stenographer and he's got like a phrenologist over there for some reason. It's an old time of court. And he's got, he's got he's got like a bailiff he's got a there's a couple cops and behind me is the scum of the earth like I've been watching these there's an Elvis impersonator in the room

who had abused his dog he's like losing his ability to own dogs like while I sit and wait my turn like DUIs and all sorts of bullshit terrible people Taylor the scum of the earth and we finally get up there

and he's telling me that like we're going he's like well those permits are no good. And I start having the panic attack. And I'm getting, I'm like, yeah, but the attorney general judge, he said this, that, and the other. And I'm handing the paper where I have copies for everyone. And I'm like, lose. And I'm like, is there, do you have any water? And I don't want to drink the water. My plan is to spritz a little bit of it on me. Because I know as goofy as that's going to look. If I, if I fall and crack my head on, on the floor, that's,

that's clearly goofier. I have an audience behind me. Where does being marionetted out of the room stack rank amongst the goofy outcomes It's eight It's It wasn't even strictly there Regardless of the ranking It happened eight seconds later Because they were like no

They were very like Whoever said it I don't remember now But they were like no We don't have any refreshments For the and for the accused Or whatever something like that Like I was in a medieval like fucking courtroom

Or something There's no water for you boy Jeffrey Dahmer had like a pitcher of water You shall plead first Wash it down. And so I had the, they see I'm dropping. I'm literally falling and they scoop me up and they whisked me away to this backroom. And immediately, I mean two seconds later, there was, there was like a, they're pouring

Coca-Cola in a plastic cup. And there's like, they're literally serving me like snacks and refreshments like a second later. And then I hear the ambulance like, like, like showing up outside. And I'm like, time to go. I'll take those orange slices. Thank you. Yeah.

America? There's a $3,000 bill coming your way. I was like, we gotta get the fuck out of here, Scott. We were driving away as the ambulance was turning in. We passed each other like strangers in the night. It was incredibly embarrassing. And that wasn't even my worst court embarrassment.

That's, you know, it happens. What was court like for you? I didn't have to go. No, the guy was just like just write the check. I'll go there and represent you and do this and that. And I was like, okay. So I don't have to show up.

And he was like, no. So I guess it was me boilerplate. And yeah, I didn't, I didn't have to put on my stupid. What if he wasn't a real lawyer? He just took your money and like, they're like, you never, you never showed up for your court appearance. I go back in his office is boarded up. It's a spirit Halloween. And he's behind the counter pretends like he's never met you before and no one will believe you.

I think that. I think that fucking Tiger King was my attorney. It was way before that. So I don't know what he would be in 20. What would he be in 2015? Paul Blart, Malcott. Fucking, true blood or something.

Yeah. Well, at least you, no, that was the only time you actually fainted in court. Right? Yeah.

I was going down at one point in a preliminary hearing. They were listing my charges. It's scary It was such a long list Had you heard them before? Huh? Had you heard them before?

I'd read them before. Okay, okay, okay. They don't look so bad on a page. Even though it's like a cup, when you flip the page and you get the page two, and you're like, oh, God, damn. Well, that's not even true. This is mine.

And then you're like, well, that's pretty awful. And they're like, there's a third page. Like, that's pretty bad. But, like, in court. when the prosecutor's reading them, she adds a little sting to it or whatever. And it's just like, and this and that, while doing this and in possession of that.

And it's like, oh my God, this is, shouldn't you say something about it? And I started feeling, and I told my lawyer, like, as they're still listing charges, I'm like, about to pass out. I've got about 15 seconds. I'm going to hit the floor. Like that, because I know the timer has begun.

And he's like, do it. It's good for your case. If he said that I've been cool with it, I've even squealed a little when I, like, as I went down or something. But like, he had to hustle me up a chair, had to sit for a second and like get my wits about me again. And then the panic attack went away. And I was able to stand again to hear the rest of my fucking charges. That would have been like his Joe Pesci moment where like you pass out and squeal. And he's like, do you really believe this man could have done anything even close to half that cool? This is clearly a cruel guy.

Hold water. That's a good movie. I haven't seen it forever. That's a great one of it is. Taylor? I've seen my cousin Vinnie. I really liked that movie. And I saw a picture of Marissa Tomey recently.

I think she may be winning the all-time aging best of every human ever award. There's another one. Who starred in space with George Clooney and Hot Older Woman? Also in Speed. Sandra Bullock. Yeah, she's aging really well, too. Yeah. Oh, Christy Crawford.

There's a couple. I don't know Christy Crawford. She's a supermodel. Oh, Cindy Crawford? Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. I got it wrong. And there's also Christy Brinkley.

You may have been mixed in two. You've done what every man always wished to do. You've combined Cindy Crawford and Christy Binkley into an Abradolph-Linkler-type scenario. It's pretty good. She's like rambling this off. You can do well in a podcast. Yeah. You got a real future in it.

Yeah. Yeah. I just saw a picture of Marissa Tomey at 61. And it's like, I brought that hip. Is she drinking blood somewhere? What's going on? Is she on the adrenachrome?

She's going to need a calcium after I'm done. Damn. Yeah, Sandra Bullock still looks good. But she just never started from the heights that Marissa Tomei did. As far as just baseline. There's a modeling photo where she's bent over in a skirt, but she's facing the camera. It's very suggested, but they don't see anything.

And something's so sexy about that. And you read the comments, there's 10,000 guys going, show me the view from behind. He's just, like, bent over, like, spreading her skirt out wide, like, but it's, like, head on with the camera. I've always liked Sandra. I liked her in Speed.

I liked her in Demolition Man. I've always liked her. You know who I don't think gets enough, credit for being like shockingly beautiful even amongst Hollywood standards. Natalie Portman. I know she's not in the Natalie Portman. Don't feel like she makes most people's shortlist, you know? She's on mine.

I like those like little pixie looking girls like Natalie Portman and there's another one. I think Kira Knightley is like a prettier version of Natalie Portman. I don't know how to write. You know what I like? It's the same reason that I. I don't love Liv Tyler, but I love Liv Tyler in Lord of the Rings. I like the, like, elf-like features. I like the little, like, the ears and the pointy, like, pointy ears and the nose.

And like, I like the Vulcans, too, whenever I see a Vulcan. I'm into that. I'm into the pointy ears. Okay. I'd love the fucking elf. I'll do what I can. I saw Natalie Portman in some, oh, it was, you know, she was with, I think it was Thor one, the first movie.

Yes. And I just saw these close-ups of her like smiling and being happy. Her teeth aren't perfect, but somehow it's more attractive than perfect, perfect would be. Just the little like different lengths of them and the tiny little inconsistent spaces. I'm like, this is, this is an incredibly attractive human. She's great in Star Wars. You know, when she was, when her clothes get half ripped off and she's riding like that giant space rhino. Yeah.

That's a great fucking scene. I don't know if that scene holds up because I was a child when I saw it, but it was sick at the time. I was like, I want to see more Coliseum stuff. Why did they cut away from that so quickly? I read it always makes fun of the scene where like Natalie Portman's character is appealing to Anakin's character and basically saying,

we can't be together. You're a Jedi and I'm some sort of a, I'm the queen of a planet and we really, you know, you've got this vow of celibacy or whatever. And meanwhile, and this is what she wore to have that talk. And she's got like her titty's all propped up. Like it's like mushed up cleavage.

Like that's not a big breasted woman. But she's in like a titty shirt with like a big window in the front. And her hairs, like she's gorgeous. Like you probably shouldn't have gotten that made up to tell them you can't be with them. That was her pussy that ruined the galaxy. It kind of was. It was. Like then you had that horrible actor.

from the next movie. What's his name? Hayden Christensen, let's leave him alone. You underestimate my power. Here's the problem. It's not his acting. It's,

now the performance you see is terrible. The problem is George Lucas, I think, is directing those, isn't he? Yeah. I think that's the problem. I don't think he did the last three.

I don't think he did the first three, either. What? That's a new take, right? Wait, did Stephen Spielberg have nothing? to do with Star Wars? I'm making that up? Is that not true?

I think you're thinking of Indiana Jones that they like more work together on. He's terrible. Like I like Hayden Christensen. I think he's been in, he was in like the, he reprised his role. Like he played like Darth Vader and then the helmet gets kind of knocked off and he gets to be kind of a little bit of both characters and the Obi-1

Kenobi show. And I saw him at one of those, I don't know what the event was, but he's surrounded by Star Wars fans. Hello, it's Josh Wolf. But they were all clapping for Hayden Christensen. He started crying. And I was like, oh. I cannot hear you.

Why do I always, I only have audio problems when we'll come on this podcast. That's absolutely crazy. Put me back in the, what do you call it? All right. Zach, put him back in the figure out time. It's the only podcast. Put him in audio jail. Put him in audio jail.

Oh, Kyle. I looked it up real quick and you were closer to write than I expected. So he did do the three middle ones as you knew. He did the first one, but he, I'm doing by age, but he didn't do two and three, which are also known as Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Everybody thinks, everybody calls Return of the Jedi the best one. It's my favorite too. Which one is where you get?

No, Empire Strikes Back, everyone calls the best one. The one with the Ewox is not considered the best one. Oh, is that the EWox, is that Return of the Jedi? Yeah. I like the snow one where he's. Yeah, I like the snow. Where he ties up the snow robots. I think that's the second one.

That was my favorite. On hop. Yeah, I think that is the second one. But Empire Strikes Back. That's amazing. The Return of the Jedi with the Ewoks and the, you know. The Ewarks lose it for me. I don't, that part in particular, like the idea, the setup was fine.

And what I really like in the big overarching nine movies or whatever the story, the story, the story, at the beginning is that Anakin Skywalker is the chosen one. He's the one to bring balance to the force. And you think when he turns to Darth Vader that, that, ah, we were wrong about that, huh?

It'll be his son that brings balance to the force. But the whole time, it was him. Because the deciding moment when balance is brought to the force is when Luke Skywalker is about to kill the emperor and Darth Vader stops him. He's not defending the emperor. He's defending his son.

Because he knows if he takes that life, he's going to cross over the dark, side and there'll be no return from that. So that's the moment where the prophecy is proven true and Anakin Skywalker brings balance to the force. Yeah. I hate Star Wars. I wanted to see more Jedi. I was the right age for return of the Jedi. I was like nine or ten and still open to Ewoks. Yeah. It shocked me to learn that like people didn't like the Ewox because I thought they were totally fine as a kid like because of course I watched it as a kid

too and it was like what's wrong why do people hate on these things I haven't seen that movie since I was a child I've never gone back and rewatched it maybe I would be like this is I do remember their like party at the end I was like who would want to hang out here like who would like

like I'd have like a fucking rabbit leg to be polite and be like all right I got to get out of here you know how it is Star Wars seems better in my memory than reality. Like, if you ever try, just watch the first one, which is also the fourth one. It's slow. It's really slow.

It drags on the scene with them in the garbage water or whatever. Like, it takes forever. It is not the action movie that it was in my memory. The family guy special is better than those movies, I think. If you've ever watched the family guy Star Wars special. I'm sure, Kyle, you have to have seen that. I wouldn't expect what you'd have seen it. They gave permission for them to use like their assets and IP and stuff.

Like they don't have to like change it to what was the McDonald's one, McDowels. Yeah, they don't have to do like McDonald's burgers or anything. The home with a big Mick. Yeah, there's no reason to watch Real Star Wars again after I saw the, because I think that like the family guy parody of it came out when I was like in either like probably high school. That was like 20 years ago. Like it was a long time. Family guys went on forever.

When they're in that trash pile and Peter's like next to a couch and they like escape. He's like, you know what? I'm taking this. I'm taking this couch. And then it makes people like... Throw her hall in the couch through the spaceship escaping with it. Turn it topwise. What do you mean? That's confusing. Yeah, that's a show you've never really checked out, right? Woody, I guess family guy. Just not really.

I mean, I've seen a dozen of them. I know the show ish. But I see every episode. I don't think highly of it. I think of it like junk food TV. I think it's food TV I think that it's like the equivalent of like fucking Jolly Ranchers and Juju Bees or something like yeah they're delicious and sweet

and I don't think much of them when I'm eating them though Like like The old ones are very funny Like the same I like them all I like the new shit Like I know that Seth MacFarlane stopped

writing you know like a long time ago But when he wrote it was much funnier But even now, it's fine. I get a chuckle when I watch, and it's still really edgy and dark at times. Like, I like the show. It's fine. Did you see the new Ted Lassau?

I know it's out. I haven't watched it yet. Didn't have time. We've been going through the Spider-Man movies, watching them in order until we've seen them all, so we can go watch the new one. I love Ted Lassow. I think it's an amazing show.

I know I recommend that you took a little convincing, but do you like it too, now unless your opinions changed. It wasn't that it took convincing. Like, like, can I, I'll be quick. When you could, you suggested it to me and I watched the first episode and I cried and I felt so awful. I felt so bad for this wonderful man who was being treated so terribly that I couldn't continue.

And I didn't watch it again. I didn't pick it back up for like a year or something. And now I love it. I've seen all of it, but the new season. It's so good. It's so wonderful. So the new season, there's only one episode out so far. and Jackie and I saw it.

We watched it immediately. Jackie loves Ted Lasso as much as I do. I think that show for a show that's kind of a silly comedy, like, its message is so much more powerful than it has any right to be. I've cried so many times

in various Ted Lasso scenes, the victories, the losses, like that show hits me effectively. And I saw season four episode one. I just read the headline of a review that nailed it. Ted Lasso,

Season 4, Episode 1, could have been an email. Like, yeah, yeah. It was troublesome to get to the end of the episode. Nothing happens. The acting is God awful. And it was never great, great. But Jesus Christ, what are we doing? And, like, there's this reoccurring bit.

I won't. It's not a big spoiler. But the, um, the tall blonde chick who owns the soccer club keeps spilling barbecue sauce on herself. in the most obvious intentional bad acting way again and again and again where she's just taking dripping chicken legs or something,

pork, I don't know what it is, and dripping it onto her own blouse. I was so not there for it. And after it ended Jackie and I, we're like, well, maybe the next episode will be better.

There we are. So one thing I will say about Ted Lassow, I don't like very many of the characters that aren't named Ted Lassow. I don't there's a there's like a girl probably most of them yeah it's it's the majority Kylie or Chile or something close to that

Keeley is ugly she's ugly and she's bald and she's she's her character is supposed to be like Zendaya like a Zendaya type type character like some sort of a young pretty it girl who's featured in like music and

and TV and movies and modeling and has a fragrance she's supposed to be that person and she she looks like a $200 prostitute who's going ball and who's on the verge of being $175 prostitution none of them can act

I don't like the gruff bearded like tough guy who's the old dog on the on the slagreage I'm bored with Roy's like fake masculinity like I'm tired of it I don't like that wormy Indian fellow like I didn't care for him

I guess he's redeemed but but you know I don't want to like, wormy Indian fellow. The Indian guy who like just raise them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all about Ted Lassow and Ted Lassos like co-coach or like assistant coach, the beard or whatever. That guy is tremendous. And his back story, when they take a moment for him to tell his Ted Lassow story, you're like, oh my God, I'm crying again.

I would argue that the owner of the soccer club, both the man, the divorced husband and the wife, did their role. did their role. They did. But they both did what they needed to do to make the show good. I like Roy more than you.

I can see how some of his fake gruffness and, you know, wide walk or whatever is kind of lame. But also his arc and some of his storylines were ones I cared a lot about. So I like that. Yeah, I'm all about Ted Lassau and his story. Like, I don't want to spoil it for anyone who might be tempted to go watch this wonderful show. Watch the first season at least. but like when you find out the secret to the cookies

when I found out the cookie secret I was tears were pouring Woody I was I literally like I literally choked up and sobbed I went Oh A wonderful man I'm about to cry now thinking about how like wonderful he is

I can't recommend that show enough It's a very feel Can you hear us I can hear you You look Good. Those muscles are legit. Oh, buddy. What do you think? You're looking Jack, dude. Are you on TRT?

Are you used to? Okay. You have to be. I just started TRT for the, for, I'm 56. Mm-hmm. And I just started it because I got really sick last year, right? And I lost like 30 pounds. And at my age, I just couldn't get back.

I couldn't gain the muscle back and I had worked my whole life to maintain, you know. And so I did start on the TRT and it's like game changing. So in what ways has it changed your life? Muscles obviously, but go on. That's honestly like fourth on the list. Energy is so huge. You know, I travel so much and flying and always being in a different bed in a different hotel. And the sleep schedule on the road is fucked.

You know, and so energy for me, when my doctor was like, it's going to help your energy, that was the first one. Sleep is number two. I mean, I've been sleeping so much better. And I think sex is three and the workout is far. And it's not even the muscles. Woody, it's the recovery and the energy in the gym. Like I can work out the way I've always liked to work out. But yo, I got down to 142 pounds.

Holy cow. Wasting away. Taylor, when's the last time you were 142? I wrestled at 145 in eighth grade. I was a big kid. Yeah. Taylor hit puberty at birth. It's ridiculous.

I'm like a truck. Yeah. Josh, can you imagine an eighth grader like Taylor gets a whole of you and you have your cat Williams moment? That would be a greater. If eighth grade me gets a purchase on you, you're in danger. That would be amazing. Honestly, dude, that would be such a funny video. I would be happy that it happened.

That's the most, like, that's the most embarrassing thing. I've ever seen happen to a man, I think, is the cat Williams got literally like schoolyard bully beat down. That kid was elite though. He was amongst the toughest 13-year-olds I've seen. He was a tough 13-year-old. He really was.

Like, I think I could take him, though. And he definitely wouldn't hold me down like that. Cat William was like down. He's like, this is how y'all treat y'all black celebrities. It's really. Really, I think it's as a grown man, it's really hard to act tough around anyone else for the rest of your life. If a 13-year-old just fucking ragdalls you like that. Yes.

I mean, he's such a little fella. He is, right? In my head, I was like, cat should take TRT and get a rematch. Nah, that kid's got to be 25 by now. There's no point for the rest of his life in which cat wins that fight. I didn't have to shoot that kit. You know what else I wanted to tell you I'm doing? So I tore my rotator cuff.

Go on. So for the last month, I've been shooting BPC 157 and TB 500 directly into it. Peptides. Mm-hmm. And outside of straight presses, like I can't do a press or a dip, but my range of motion is back. I can do all shoulder raises that aren't a press. I, you, you, you, I was on a, I was a 50, guy would peptides.

Because there haven't been a lot of like human studies, extended human stuff. So I was like, you know, there's so many grifters in the wellness, fitness space. So many. And I was just like, but then this company called them, they were like, look, try it for a month. If you like it, we'll send it to you for free. You just go to mention it. Now, it hasn't been a month, so I don't remember the name of the company, but... Can you get them on it?

He'll remember soon. What are the pet tides called? Can you type it? I want to know... BPC 157. BPC 157? BPC 157. Uh-huh.

And TB 500. And I got to tell you, It has been like pretty life-changing. Pretty life-changing. Building strength with the TRTs probably got to help too. Like the surrounding tissues getting stronger. Yeah, I think so. I don't know that TRT helps necessarily with like healing.

Like I've only had one gym injury and I was in it healed up really fast though, although I was also taking some other stuff. I like El carnitine. El carnitine is like an amino acid. Josh doesn't need that. You can get Elkhartin pills on Amazon that have been linked that cause cancer in rats. Perfect. Send me the link for that.

They say that about aspirin. They say that about cigarettes. They say that about all sorts of nonsense. It is interesting to compare it to aspirate, though, because we always link that study where it's like, yeah, but they gave those rats so much aspartame. It would be the equivalent of drinking like 50 sodas a day for 20 years. That's what the amount of al-carnatine you have to take. is though. You have to take gargantuan amounts of it orally because it has to go through your liver. And so the amount that actually gets to you is minimal. So you have to take milligrams and grams of it for it to actually get the desired effect. Or you can shoot one syringe of it in your ass every single day.

Into your butthole? Yeah, right into the, no. And you're like, you're going to the cheek. I was like, yo, that is an extreme way of delivery. I do kind of high on the cheek. I don't want to do like right where my ass like sits in a chair. I do like pretty high, like lower back upper ass. You get injected into a friend's dick and have him bucket into you.

What a great idea. Just a no needle syringe right in the tip. Taylor, are you, I mean, that's got to be a pretty close friend. It would be. Yeah, that's like somebody you've known since childhood.

That's like, I got a favor of my man. It's like a 18th century scam artist gay guy where they're like, oh, the results are so good, but there's got to be a better way to get this. And he's like, sorry, there's not. It's the only way. It's not as good a friend as you think. It's just a guy I paid $250 every Wednesday. Different guys. I don't think this guy's even a doctor. I did catch pieces of your Marissa Tomei conversation.

I just want to say I could not agree more she is like I don't it's by the way I put Selma Hayek in this too oh yeah she's doing well if you look at a picture of her

Sandler actually just posted a picture of her on his Instagram he was having dinner with her and the cast of grownups and she's just looking at the camera and I was like I'm like this woman is still top 10 best looking women in the world right now she's for me on film the best looking her and from dust till dawn and then maybe a

close second is angelina jolly and mr and mrs smith but the two of them to me are the best looking people in i've ever seen in a movie hmm angel jolini jolay look obviously angelina jolie is beautiful i don't want to take that away but amongst the hollywood beauties she never topped the charts me that movie both her and brad pitt were so good looking it was distracting i could see that i was just like oh my god i don't know who i want to fuck more the kind of hollywood starlet i drool over is cuter right angela joe jolie is a top-notch like fuck toy but like the natalie portman the melissa tomeys they're cuter they're girls They're girlfriend.

Which role? I'm so curious because I don't mean every engine Lena Jolie. I just mean that. So which role, Natalie Portman role, are you referencing? Star Wars. I just saw it today. Well, I saw bits and pieces of it today. Yeah, she was hot in Star Wars.

She's like 19. I don't know. What he was talking about some. I haven't seen this movie. Is it called, you were raving about her in this movie. What is it called Leon? Which movie is it? She's so fucking hot.

She's so fucking hot. She played that dude, Leon. She was so good. I had to quickly Google, what's the name of that movie where Natalie Portman's like 11? Leon, they're professional.

See, they had to be really careful in that movie to make the hit man clearly a little bit of a Forrest Gump like a little bit diminished so that you would never think

that he's into her, that you would always think it's a fatherly, like, love that he has for because he's a little dim-witted. I think Natalie Portland did do a pedo movie, though, right?

Didn't she, was it in Garden State? Didn't she fall in love with an older guy and he didn't return it because it was inappropriate? Am I crazy? Garden State. Garden State with Zach Graff? Yeah, yeah. Am I wrong? I'm not positive.

I'm not positive. Oh, she's older than I. No, she's. I mean, Zach Braff, I think he wrote and directed that, right? That was like his first. I think you're right. I think so. But she was 23 in 2004.

Yeah. I've been watching because my wife's been away for like three months. I've been binging. Yeah, she's shooting a movie for Netflix. But I've been watching Linus. Have you watched Lioness? I haven't even heard of that. That's that Taylor Sheridan.

Yeah. sort of like a special forces anti-terror show yeah Zoe Salada Zoe Salada dude it's so good Zoe Salada is such a badass in that in that show you know do you have seen it it's where I'm not is it low-key political no not at all no I got some great links for y'all by the way just in succession bangers 10 little peekski oh this isn't even to Reddit this is I always

I always assume links from you or to Reddit. No. Kyle's link cleared my mind. So you have Marissa Tomey here from The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke. I think he won an Oscar for that. Huge performance, great movie. She's a stripper in that, so she's just stripping in a G-string. And then the second one there, similar concept, Natalie Portman,

in the movie closer. If you look closer and you make it full screen, you can see your butthole. Mm-hmm. Right around six seconds? Is that like an Easter egg? Nah. And then kind of again at 23 seconds?

Yeah, you can get some higher resolution videos of this. I've seen the puckered up close and personal myself. I like to blow it up into 8K on my big monitor. Yeah. Yeah. Have you made a poster out of it? Like a darkboard? You could just like...

That would be honestly, a butthole dartboard darkboard. I might buy it. No. Just to have it up on my wall with the numbers on it, I think would be kind of funny. It would be, it depends on who's butthole. Like, like not... Well, yeah. I mean, you wouldn't want that.

Quentin Tarantino's butthole. It'd be yours, Taylor. No, you wouldn't want that. You wouldn't want me or that fat guy from Jagass or any of that. A thicket of fur the dildo needs to penetrate. Oh, man. You're throwing a dildo at your dartboard? How do you play darts?

It's a little like ski ball the way that I do it. I don't know why Woody has it. He knew I was coming over. Where do you get this? Is this a hidden camera on my bathroom floor? When did I have him over? I don't think I would be interested in an upward-facing hidden camera. That's not the view I'm looking for.

No, you'd probably ruin it. It would get all wet, especially if it was in like a bathroom. He was going to step on it. But also like, I mean, look, to each his own. But like, when I was on Chelsea lately and Twitter, had no rules. You know, people used to send guys, gay guys would send me close up pictures of their but hole, but women would send up pictures of their vaginas. And they're not the, you know, a close up picture of a vagina. If it's super close, one was so close, I honestly didn't

know what it was. I'm like, what? Sarlake pit. Yeah, I thought it was a wounded stingray from Seaworth. I think this is one of those Chinese lay that. I'm on the other team with this, Josh. I don't agree. So what I'm hearing from you is ludes are better than nudes, right? And you're not alone in this opinion. I get it. No, it's a vaginas are ugly. I would rather go to a to a topless strip club than an all nude strip club.

I, I, my ideal naughty picture has medical examination value. It's, let's open that baby up. Let's get in close. Let's see. I want nothing to the imagination. Yeah, I'm looking for. Woody, let me tell you why I'm anti that, especially at a strip club. When those women are naked and pushing their vaginas into your face,

you know, I'm assuming they've made bad decisions and some of them have been made with their vaginas. That's fair. Let's keep that going. What's how I'm here? Get your rancid pussy away from my potato skins. I can't do the You know, Portland has so many strip clubs That they had to start to compete with each other

Portland I think has the highest per capita Of any city in the country But they but they start like One of the best stakes you'll get in the city According to the people is a strip called called a Cropolis But there's zero chance I'm ordering food at a strip club I don't do the buffet at a strip club

I don't Never say never Never. I'd have to go back and inspect the kitchen and the chef's. I can't believe if I called them a chef. The guy took into the strip club. I was at a strip club that had like a waffle house situation where you could see the griddle right there.

Like you just went to a, it was literally like, it wasn't Waffle House. But there was a Waffle House style griddle thing and a chef, if you can call him that. What do you wear? With stools and, you know, he had an apron on. I mean, it's just an apron, okay. He's wearing hamburgers and steaks over there.

I definitely had a couple hamburgers at that place before. You could watch them cook them. Is it like the way they do alcohol at like casinos where like they make, do they make the food super cheap in the hopes that like then you're going to go pay it forward to the girls? There's like normal food price. It wasn't like crazy or anything. The funny thing about Portland strip clubs. and I think this is probably unique to Portland is there so many people ride bicycles

there are bike racks so there are bicycles parked in front of this trip club and I don't know why that doesn't feel right to me but there's like a dude with his bicycle with a basket ring ring pull it up to the strip club just seems like they don't have their priorities straight I haven't been to a strip club in like decades but I read about one on Reddit

and there was a $70 $80 ATM fee, $70? Oh, that's stupid. That's ridiculous. The way that they part you from your money in those things is, I don't have any interest in going. I agree. I've never seen that. I can see the appeal.

But I just worry that like hundreds of dollars would disappear. But I will say this, and I haven't been in so long also, but the women who make a lot of money at strip clubs are master manipulators. They are so good at relieving you from whatever money you have in your pocket. I was with you till the end. Yeah. It's such a crazy skill set to make you feel. I dated a stripper when I lived in San Antonio. And there were times where I would go sit at the bar.

And she would give some of a lap dance. And this is the kind of shit I like. After the lap dance, I would make her come over and hand me the guy's money. Oh, yo, dudes were not happy. But there was some where I would like kind of nod to him. Like, thanks for the cash, my guy. It was, it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun.

Yeah, a bit of a dawn there, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I like that shit. I like that shit. That's some power. I'm not so much that guy anymore, but there was a minute where I like that shit. Okay. Okay.

You know what I'm saying. Yeah. but not the close-ups. Okay. No, not the close-ups. It's not for me. I also think my imagination is better than anything you're going to show me. Yeah, I can't agree with it.

I can't get on board with this at all. If it's not a close-up, I'm like, what am I? 12 years old? I'm not here for boobies. Well, if you call them boobies, that's what they are without a dog showing. That's not doing much for me. many? Yeah, yeah. Well, I chose the word intentionally. I was trying to make it PG. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think you already said, but how long have you been taking the TRT?

Um, I guess going on like two and a half months. Okay. Yeah, you're in the swing of things now. That's cool. Yeah. Are you on it? Yeah, for years. How much do you take? what is that point five or is it the i guess you know the the what do you call plunger is i don't go up to the one i go up to the point five or the five how many times a week twice just once okay do you do um it depends but but you know over 200 like 225 milligrams maybe a week something like that um Do you, have you ever cycled on and off or is it straight through? Yeah, you can do that. It does.

So if you don't take something to help you get your natural testosterone going again, then you can have some side effects and you can like feel like shitty. But you can stop and start if you really wanted to. But the idea with TRT is that like it's kind of for life and that you want to keep this going forever. That's why like bodybuilders will cycle on and off. awful lot because they're also on a really, really high dose. Like I'm talking about 200 milligrams a week that I'm doing, they might do a gram. They might, you know, like five times as much or something like that, like really, really

high doses. So that's not sustainable. Like regular levels. Why do they want to kickstart their like stock system? That makes sense? So you said bodybuilders cycle off. I don't know why they don't just drop down to like natural levels. for a bit

and then, or, you know, why do they have to go cold turkey and clom it instead of just going from like what I'll call steroids to TRT? Yeah. I don't know. I think some of them do do that, but when I hear about the old school guys talking about it,

they would like just go, like Ronnie Coleman would just go cold turkey off of it for months and months and then back on it again. Do you know what else? I take, like if I need to, focus or I have a meeting where I need to be sharp and funny. I started taking this stuff called modafinil.

Have you ever heard of medaphanel? I've got to tell you right now, it is like some people take it every day. I don't because I don't want to feel that initial, oh, the first time I took it. So I take it like, or if I have a show where I'm really tired, but I'm doing two shows. I'll take it pre-first show. It is, it has been eye-opening. Somebody told me that it's what that movie limitless was based on. Really?

I have, I do take, I've taken this. I don't take it every day either. It's also prescribed to people with sleep apnea, which is why I was a candidate for it. And like you said, you are a sharper, better version of yourself. I just have a little more energy, a little more lock-in. I would take it before like a really long motorcycle rides. I was doing this thing where I'd ride hundreds of miles in a day and cross the country or circumnavigate the country.

And, you know, it can be like this drowsy driving type thing, which is dangerous, but daffanil fixes that. You're locked in and somehow your attention span is better. I think it's an Adderall-like thing, but not as spiky. It lasts all day long. So it alters. It alters key brain chemicals like dopamine. neuropinephrine and histamine, this shift boosts energy, focus, and mood lifting away fatigue and making tasks seem easier to handle.

I had an issue, though. I lasted forever in bed. And that sounds like a flex. It's not a flex, bro. You're not supposed to last 90 minutes. That's not even good sex. She's just sore and wishing you could. I'm chafing.

By the end of 90 minutes, it sounds. Sounds like a five-on-five game at the YMCA. It's actually the main reason I stopped taking it. I guess it's almost a form of erectile dysfunction. Like you're not soft. You just fucking delayed ejaculation for way too long. Really? Yeah.

Not a symptom you've had. I want to talk about it. The opposite. The opposite. Yeah. I come right when I take it. It's crazy. I don't even get it in.

I just think about pussy. I'm done. I'm busting hands free all day. Hands free busted. I did, by the way, last night, go down a bit of a rabbit hole. Different dating sites for different types of people. And the amputee dating sites,

I had such a fun time thinking of my own names for them. I think my favorite one I came up with was Nubhub. That's a good one. That is pretty good. Nubhubhub was amped up. There was a couple of them. How do you, how do they, is it the honor system? What do you mean?

Like, is there like a confirmation of like you have to take a picture of the stump before they let you on the amputee site? I bet you. I think you'll be found out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a blackoutherfarmersonly.com.

They're going to suss you out. What if it's just my kink and I'm not an amputee? You do have to be lonely. You do have to be lonely at Farmers Only. Yeah. It's just your kink. But there's, I was, there's dating site for everything.

It's so. I've always thought her legs got in the way. People tell me like they can't have, I can't get laid. I'm like, dude, it's easier now than, More it's than ever. Lower those standards.

Why do you need four limbs, huh? This is a great question. I wonder if there's like a hierarchy there where they're like, missing two limbs, swipe left. Like, or a guy who's like, yeah,

I'm an amputee and he's missing like half of one hand. And I'll tell you what the old boat is. Only using blades on there with a half a foot. And they're like, you're stealing valor. Yeah. I think some dudes want a quadruple amputee though They want a girl who's basically like a trust-up

How would she join the site? Their nose? I guess the answer is slowly Like When I'm cooking and I've got like gloves on I'll use my nose to like open my phone and do shit To like try to figure out the recipe or whatever I mean that is a quadruple amputee

you're like trying to game and she's like causing problems. You just carry her into the guest room, close the door. All right, boys, I'm back. Like, or if it's, if it's really hot and you need to leave the door open, you just put her in front of it as like a door jam. Oh, yeah. I imagine like you'd walk into the room every time. You'd like, oh, fuck, I'm never going to be used to that.

No, I'm told, I told you. Why'd you join the website? I don't know. It seems freaky. Flipping through Reddit, I find all sorts of dark things. Like, I guess there's a whole, like, group of guys who are into the idea of, like, having this quadruple amputee girlfriend.

Really? So you, like, have to wipe her ass? What's the appeal of this? Like, really dark stuff. Yeah, that's... Actually, I didn't see the appeal until you link this cartoon. Now I can get it. Yeah, yeah, it's it.

I'm happy to catch it. That's good, Rudy. I thought this was going to be real people. I didn't know those were just cartoons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, real people would be sad. Like, you don't want that. Oh, my God.

But, like, did they think it through? Have they really thought it through? Every time she takes the shit, you just got to, like, prop her up in the shower. Be like, I'm not wiping you. You know, I'll come back in 20 minutes. Yell when it gets cold, my love. I mean, in this one, they've just got them hanging, like, like, like ties in a closet or something. something like that.

What the fuck is? It's real dark stuff. This isn't even, like they don't even have nubs. Yeah, no, yeah, they've been, they've been tated. Oh, there's more pictures. Yeah, some of them are pretty gory. Yeah. Oh, my.

At first, I thought the last picture was a pregnant one. And then I realized the size of his penis. That's, uh, distension. I think that's what that's called. or it could be and I love this effect when they come so much inside the woman that she literally inflates

oh sure that'll happen shout out to lock and load she's swollen to bursting as it was sure she's basically a water balloon where's the other one I want to go to this stretch armstrong and just waited

I want to find I guess I have to go to top all the time on this Henty amputee and because I want to see the kind of people that are I want to find one with comments because the one Kyle linked didn't have comments like I want to see the kind of people leaving comments Is there more?

Source sauce I need to be her you want to be the crippled person then they're not even I pay entirely too much for this product. What's happened here is that the person has either

forcibly removed their limbs to turn them into this human flashlight these aren't just like people who are into the idea of like what if I got all my limbs cut off in an accident and then I got into fucking this is like clearly like they've been delimmed on purpose

the top of all time is this quadruple amputee laying in the grass and he's like oh look someone left a sex doll here and she's like no I'm not stop. Why am I feeling shame? Can I have your shirt? Because she's naked and well, it doesn't go well. For who? For her.

I mean, by the last frame, she does say, you must be right. This feels good. Some guy. I always do, guys. She's in the, she's in the middle of the woods, which means that there was a guy out there who was just sick of her shit. I mean, we're taking a drive, sweetheart. I mean, do you just put her in like a backpack or a baby Bjorn or how do you, how are you transporting her? Maybe in like a little red wagon and you just pull her behind you. These are all the ideas. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. This one, the second all time, like all her limbs have like little shower caps on them. And a tremendous number, like so many of the comments. Oh, no, wait. This is just the same person commenting over and over and over. and over saying God, I wish I were her.

I thought it was weird. So many people were wanting to be... Open up his profile now and see what kind of darkness is in doing on daily. This account has been banned. Big shout out. That tracks. Yeah, that makes total sense. Yeah, I had to make...

What? It was the amputee stuff, wasn't it? I mean, but, but the crate, how many comments are on there? So, uh, it had 18 comments, but like six of them were this person. And so, I wonder what is the comment that got him banned? Ooh. Uh, would it be his last one? They're, they're all the same.

Oh, it's all I wish I were heard. Like if you went to, probably posted something. It doesn't say, it just says this account is banned, so I can't click on it. You can't even open his shit up anymore. The only way you can see his comments is if you happen to be in a post that he's commented on. Like there's no way to like back search and find more of his comments. I mean, to get banned on Reddit, considering profile there. Yeah.

Seems difficult. Seems like it would take a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Especially this person is just commenting or maybe who knows, maybe they were like also commenting on like our slash like NFL and then like big year for the Ravens. And then the next comment is like, oh, I want to be chopped up and, you know, thrown in the woods. I saw that. I was reading Reddit comments last night, and it was like a serious discussion.

And some guys were arguing about some political nonsense. And one guy goes, this dude fucking asks for the source on AI generated porn. Look at his shit. And I click his profile. And sure it up, he's looking for the source of AI generated porn in between his political takes. And they all just clown them out in the comments. I saw a mean of a guy on Twitter talking about this. He was like, I got in a huge argument with some dude about the taste of gourmet food on Reddit.

And he kept following me to other subreddits and like harassing me. And I was like really spending a lot of my time thinking how to respond to this guy until I clicked on his account and realized that his most recent post was him drinking pee and like drinking his own pee. And it's like, I've been arguing about the taste of food with someone with a real gourmand. drinking his own piss and being like, ah, almost a Kianti-esque. There's a lot more piss drinkers than you think. There's a lot of people that claim there's health benefits, and you find out that someone who seems perfectly reasonable is a piss drinker.

Yo, this picture, they did the same, like, chop the limbs off, but they put, like, um, uh, blade legs on her, like that African guy who killed his wife. Those are kind of cool. Oscar Pistorius. Oscar Pistorius, of course. The blade runner. Are they hard to live in all the time?

I bet they start to stink. Yeah. Like I get sweaty. I just meant like, because people tend to have regular legs when they're double amputees or single amputees. But go fast blades are out there. Is the problem that you just bounce a little bit when you like check out at Walmart? They're just springing. I think to get CISC.

Do you get CISC? Like they have different. I have a friend of mine. Do you guys know who Paul DeGelder is? he was like basically an Australian equivalent of a Navy SEAL and he got an arm and a leg bit off by a bull shark Whoa okay it's bad luck Guys this this dude is

Separate incidents so like all the same one So he's a slow learner Yeah yeah he was like let's try that again I can take him Send me back in Give me a rematch coach I'm in Rock I'm going to go in there

and beat him with my arm. He and I watched the video together while I interviewed because they had a video because they were doing training off of his boat. And you see him try to swim back to the boat and lift where his arm was to start swimming.

No arm. Fucking crazy. Yeah, but he's got a lot of different attachments is what I, for his hand and for his life. A shark just looking for a seal. I'd want to like weapon attachments.

A sword. I think I'd want a fork. You know, I've tried all the utensils and I feel like I can eat almost anything with a fork. A cattle prod. I mean, could you get like one of those things so it has the beaters on the end of it

so you can like beat your eggs and right. Just like a fork with a power drill. Yeah, that's where you want to be. You don't want to have an arsenal of them, a little multi-tool. You have an egg beater. You're annoying your friends.

You're like, you need those eggs beaten? and it's like, man, this guy's so one-in-off. He couldn't have done that weird hook that's got like pincers on it. Oh, he has those too. He has those too. Before we jump to the next thing, because I want to read one of these horribly misspelled comments from these perverts afterward.

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It goes straight to us. Not a dime of it is going to those fucking all those people saying, oh, we have to put Wells places. Now, leave that to the Mr. Beasts of the world. You know what I think? Not my fucking problem. You know what else? You can live three days without water. If they needed a well, they're so bad.

They'd be dead by now. You know what I say? How about, you know, one-time shipment? A couple of shovels. Get digging. I don't know what they're drinking water for either. I like Mr. Pibb. Yeah, why don't they just drink Mr.

That's a real Marie Antoinette thing. Let them drink Pib Zero. Have some Pib Zero, you fools. Josh, I had a comedian question. Yeah. All right. So imagine this. There's 12 established comedians at a table.

They're all hanging out. But subconsciously, you're all doing like a stack ranking of like, who's the alpha at this table? Who's whatever? Who stack ranks higher? Is it the comedian who's done really well financially and is sort of like just killing it in that regard? Or the one that you guys all know is fucking holy. But just hasn't been recognized by Netflix in the same way. Well, I think it completely depends on who's at the table.

Okay. Right? I intentionally left out names. I didn't want you to have to talk about your friends. Because there would be, if you asked some people, because if we all know comics, comics who aren't successful. So if there's zero level of success, they aren't going to be at the top of the heap.

But I would say, and, you know, is it a table full of dick riders who want Kevin Hart to put him in the next movie? Or is it a table of other people with a modicum of success also? That's,

it's that guy. It's that, right? So everyone here is making a living off comedy. Then it's better than an average, you know, salary, right?

They're doing better than some whatever, bookkeeper. The super wealthy, influential dude, I'm using Kevin as an example. He's got to get some attention because people are going to want to see if he can help him. But if you're talking about 12 successful people, you know, I think the person who's the funniest is going to get the most playing at that table. That's what I hope the answer was. Yeah, I really do. I mean, again, if it's people who have.

haven't had any success, they're going to kind of gravitate towards who can help them. I was like a huge Opie and Anthony fan back in the day. I still go back and listen, but they would always talk about having like tables at the comedy seller at the back where people are waiting to go up. And because of the show, like Jim Norton was much, Jim Norton and a number of the guys they had on were way bigger commercially than like a Colin Quinn. But every time they would talk about it, it was like, everyone was like trying to to earn Collins approval because they all saw him as like, man,

Colin, oh, I got Colin laughing. I'll give you a good example. If all of those, say, took the 11 highest grossing comics and Neil McDonald was still alive, people would want to know, they would want to talk that. There's a certain reverence for guys. like that, you know. And he wasn't the most... O'Neal is the one that comes to mind for me.

My favorite comic of all time. A lot of comics have him near the top of their list. They have a ton of... He and Norm are in my top five. For sure. Norm MacDonald, man, so for me, Norm, I said, call them Neil on and why. Norm MacDonald, um, is like an anomaly.

And a guy who can consistently make other comics laugh. And all that means is that they're, nobody can see their joke. Their jokes are so good, nobody sees them coming. One of the reasons you don't make comics laugh is because we're dissecting jokes as you're telling.

Or do you know what I mean? You kind of can see where a joke is going. And Norm was, that was not Norm at all. And he was, like his joke writing was so, and his cadence, all of it added into making him

so different than everybody else. Yeah, his cadence was very novel. You didn't get that from any other. comedian working. Brody Stevens, too. I don't know if you ever heard of Brody Stevens. I have never heard of. Brody committed suicide

2019, maybe. Oh, I recognize him. But he was, they held, man, they did like a memorial service for him at the comedy store. You've never seen more comics.

You've just never seen more comics in one place because he was, you know, you can tell who comics want to see because they're in the back of the room when they're on stage. But most of the time

when comics are on stage, there are no comics in there watching. We don't want to watch fucking stand-up. But Brody would get on stage. He was so different. I started with him. And Joey Diaz is like this too. But Brody was so different.

One time he got on stage and he would snap, which was when he was funniest. And he was bombing. And he goes, guys, I don't think you understand how difficult it is. He goes,

do you know how hard it is. I'm anxious. Do you know how hard it is to be a man who lives alone and try to shave his own back? And he lifted up his shirt. And there was just splotches. You could see where the razor lines went. It was like, but when he did, he would do sets. So he would either crush or die. But if you got in his cadence, there was one set where I saw him,

talked about his GPA at ASU. And he was just reading off of his transcript. Mm. And there was, yeah, there was something about it. He was, he eventually got you into his cadence.

If you liked Don Rickles. Oh, he was great. If you watch Don Rickles, one of the things, you almost start, if you see him for more than like 15 minutes, you almost start laughing before the punchline

because he has you in his rhythm. Mm-hmm. you're anticipating this is where the joke comes. Yeah. And so, yeah, there are guys like that guy who are fucking really special and different. I heard Bill Burr tell his story. And today it was a YouTube short. And this is a young Bill Burr story.

And he goes up there and he bombs. And he doesn't just bomb. He's lost the whole audience. And now the audience is more about entertaining themselves. That's what's going to be fun for tonight. We're going to rip on the comedians. And we're kind of a gang that these guys can't beat. And Bill Burr, young guy at the time, is like, I'm going to stick around because David Atel is next.

And he is going to take care of this problem. And he wants to watch the mastery happen. So Atel goes up there and the audience tries the same thing with him. And he picks out like the most vocal biggest problem guy and starts weaving this tale about how that guy in the audience is his dad, that he was a Navy SEAL who fucked Dave Atel's mom and this is the way it went and something like that. And he's like, you know you're just doing this dad. because of that. The whole audience turns. Now they're on David Attell's side.

They love the story that he weaved. And I liked it. Like I respected it because so many comedians think they're so clever. But what do they do? They throw out a stock line they use in every fucking city to every heckler everywhere. And they have the mic. And they think that the audience is laughing at their brilliance. But really, they were just kind of on their side in the first place.

They can hear the comedian do it better. The comedian thinks that he's beating. this guy in the audience. Probably that's often true. But really, all they have to say is I fucked your mom and the crowd goes wild and it's an easy win. He didn't go that way. He made up a story on the spot

and he weaved it and he won the audience over, kind of like Bill Bird did later with his famous Philadelphia rant about the sports team and stuff. Yeah. And I like to see. One bridge having city. There are three bridges in Philly. I went to college. But, yeah.

Yeah, anyway. And I was like, you know, I bet David Tell has the respect of the other comedians. He doesn't have like Rogan like money, for example. I don't know if you guys have heard of Pat Cooper. He was a very old comedian. I just checked. He died in 2023, born in 1929. And like if you listen to old Opian Anthony, there was like, it was, there were very few comedians that went in there with Patrice and like would kind of run him around.

Colin Quinn was one of them but Pat Cooper was another that went in there and at the time when he went in he was like in his 80s or something and Patrice was like showing a lot of reverence for him and trying to like really show how much he admired him and like so in his eagerness

he was like interrupting Pat sometimes and like Pat because he was born in the 20s and like hearkening back to his humor which is very funny he was like you know I'm not used to a black guy interrupted me this much you know what I'm used to? How about you? How about you? How about that? And like everybody was cracking up.

And he's like, Pat, I know you're an old man, but I'm just trying to get answers to these questions. And he's like, don't insult me. I'm sharper than you'll ever be. You know, it's funny. It's funny you mention Rogan. I think my, because I've, I've known Rogan for a long time. Well, I've seen him do stand up for a long time. I think he's an underrated comic.

His latest stuff isn't great because in order to do stand-up at a high level, you need to focus on doing stand-up. And so his focus is in other places. And also, if you're always on stage in front of people who are just happy to see you, you never get a real good judge of what's funny. You know what I mean?

That's why I often think people's first and second specials are their best, because that's when they're doing it in front of Christ. crowds who don't know who the fuck they are. And that's where they cut their teeth on that material. Right. But you get to a certain level. Like I think Rogan is an underrated comic, but an overrated intellect is what I think.

I think if he just did stand up again, some of his early specials are fucking really funny. Really funny. I also think he's not as smart as he thinks he is. I don't know if I'm going early enough. But like two specials ago, I thought Rogan did a great job, a super great job. about two specials ago, I forget. And at the time, his podcast was firing and his UFC gig was firing. And it was like, his fame is crazy.

Like, he's an A-list celebrity. Yeah. Right there with like Tom Cruise, in my opinion, in terms of fame. Yeah. Where he is now is a different place. His comedy has been, his last special, I can't say enough harsh things about. It was an embarrassment. And the whole like, don't assume my gender bullshit.

it like that is you get better material at the office water cooler than Joe Rogan has in his standout special. Here's the thing. It's because he doesn't have to put the same he's at his club

doing standup in front of people who are going to laugh at whatever he says and when he goes to the green room all those dudes are sucking his dick and telling him how funny he is. And so it's hard to judge but I think dude if he just focused on standup again,

And his early specials are funny as fuck. I've not even had 1% of Joe Rogan's attention. But I have had enough experience that like everyone thinks the harsh comments ruin a person. And that can be true, right? They're really hurtful. They can put people in depression, et cetera. But the praise can fuck you up too. The praise can make you think everything you say is profound.

The praise can make you think that you're smarter than who you are. And I can only imagine what it's like to be Joe Rogan, his level of both attack and praise, making him think he's a genius that some people don't appreciate or whatever it is that he thinks, it can warp a guy. I don't think there's any doubt. How do you walk around and everyone's dick riding

and how do you just not take some of that in and be like, oh, I guess I am the best? I want to do a new thing. I want to see him do like a whole different kind of thing. I want him to have like a prime time show or something. I would watch him in a sitcom. I would watch him host a reality. I would love to watch him host a reality show.

I want him to do trivia, and every time you get a question wrong, he spin kicks you. I want him to get him. If they brought him back for Fear Factor. They could call it one and done. If they brought him back to host Fear Factor again, I'd watch the shit out of that.

What was the sitcom he was on? News radio. News radio. Never seen the second of it. What? No. No, I've never seen news. I liked it.

I liked it. And I like Joe, Rogan in it. Every so often Joe Rogan would take his shirt off on that show. I wasn't aware. He was a sleeper fitness dude. Like he was fit.

But that cast is crazy good. Andy Dick is on it, right? Andy Dick. Phil Hartman, one of my fucking all-time favorites. R-IP. I mean, Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz, two of the funniest characters that have ever been. Is that what happened? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. With a gun?

Does that show? She killed him in his sleep, but I mean, I don't know who has voiced two collectively funnier characters than Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz, like, from the Simpsons. Like, there's no, there's no one close. He was hilarious. What are they, what characters do they voice? Oh, you don't remember, have you not seen like Old Simpsons where he, he was like, yeah, Lionel Hutz was the one who was like the scammy attorney where he, yeah, and then

the other, Troy McClure was like, you know. Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may have seen me in such other info shows. It's like, and then it was, he'd be like giving a ridiculous speech about like nuclear plant safety. And they always had funny names for it. That was great. On the,

the stand-up thing with like Rogan, not specific to him. I've never really seen much Rogan stand-up and I don't, I only listen to his podcast on very rare occasion. Really just when he has, when he has like Shane Gillis and that whole gang on, I'll listen to those. because that's funny.

It's like good riffing. But a big problem is like, even Shane Gillis, who's like top of the world right now in the stand-up community and, you know, selling tickets and whatnot, he just broke some record.

The problem is like he is, he's funnier on his podcast, which I do listen to, the Matt and Shane's secret podcast, than his stand-up is. Like I've gotten way more laughs from him riffing with Matt McCusker than I get from his stand-up. And I,

you know, Maybe everyone's different. He's always different. I'd rather, I'd rather see these guys like free wheeling and dealing. And that's funnier because you can tell they're making it up on the flight. Tires is very funny. This TV show is fucking good. The third season is about to come out. Like that's a huge accomplishment in its own right.

To have three seasons of a show on Netflix, you've got to be doing something right. Taylor. They'll get in your ass, even if you're beloved. I think the difference is if you went to Shane's show, you would laugh a lot more. I think comedy, I think comedy is meant to be watched live. You're just going to enjoy it so much more, you know? And I don't, podcast I think is opposite. Yeah, I think you're right.

When you do a show, Josh, do you go first and last? It depends. Like some shows with my, when I do, you know, my son opens for me now. And so sometimes I'll introduce him. but usually I let him go up cold and just eat dicks for a while. I mean, that's part of cutting his teeth, right? Yeah, for sure. I went to Steve Hofstetter's show.

Now, our audience is mad at him because he interrupted a lot, but I went to his show and I thought it was amazing. But more than that, I kind of went almost as a student, not that I'm trying to do it, but like just watching a professional communicator do a job. And he went up there and he trained the audience. He was the first guy to take the stage in the last. And in training the audience, he was, I don't, I wish I could say it funny like he did. But he was talking about what a bad audience is, one that just puts their arms up and says, I doubt you can make me laugh.

Like, why? Why you mean it's so hard to laugh? Like, just be a good audience. And then when the audience like did something, he's like, you guys are going to be great. I can see it. Right? This like positive encouragement, Pavlov shit. He's got cooking.

And I'm watching him just work us, work us into who. he wants us to be. He said we were a great audience. I take great pride in it. And then he doesn't say that to everyone. No, no, no, no, it was unique to me. And then all the other less experienced comics went. And then he closed. And he did a great job as like the, grand finale to the night. And I was like, holy smokes, right? Like, I didn't realize, I'm looking for a more positive word than manipulation. But like the, I don't know, the way that he worked to the crowd, set every other comedian up for success by going. first and then killing it on his own and it just looked like a master doing his thing,

painting his painting. And I'm like, I was kind of impressed by it. It was a good night. I've never, and I like Steve, I've never, I've never seen somebody do that. I've seen like if if, if, if, if, so say it's corporate gig. Okay. Those are terrible. If I know that it's going to be a rough, real rough jump out of the shoot. I'll go up first for five minutes. And then I'll bring Jacob up. Expense reports. What are we doing here? Of course. It's brutal. Is corporate bad because they're not drinking? So the corporates are bad. Like, when you go to those parties, the people, so most of the time, the only person who knows who you are is the person who booked you.

They're not going around to the company and saying, who do you want to see. They book who they like. Okay. So some people may not like you. Some people in the company may not know who you are. Most people in the company, the people, the lower earners are there for the free food and the open bar. Yeah.

And they're talking your entire set. So corporates can be, and then, you know, you can tell the five people who booked you because they're sitting up front light. but then you know I did a show for a company and eight people were watching and the other 300 were at the bar and dancing that's got to be a low pressure gig though right oh yeah yeah I mean it's brutal on your ego but I mean because you're like you're people are actively not paying attention to you And it's a, it's a tough pill to swallow. But then you look at the check and you're like, that's all right.

They don't have to listen to me. I don't give your shit. The check clears. Yeah. Yeah. And this was like during the dot com era. Cisco was like the invidia of its day, super successful company. And they got Jerry Seinfeld to come and do a set for us.

And our CEO, who is at Cisco, this like celebrity that we're all supposed to worship and just be happy he even visited our campus. How amazing. And he's introducing Seinfeld. And while he does it, he gives him this flip camera. The flip camera was like one of the first blogging, vlogging cameras. I don't know, stupid consumer, whatever. And he gives it to Seinfeld and with a little bit of fanfare like, hey, I got this for you. And he looks at it doesn't give a fuck about it.

And like, hands it to someone, like, don't give this back to me and does his thing. And I, the disrespect he's shown my CEO, maybe. be so happy. That was the one time you laughed, like you're cracking up alone in the audience. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. It's a good thing. It has other functions.

I do think it's absurd how little respect Seinfeld gets from this younger generation of comedians. I'm always trying to, they're always trying to meet to him because he had that 17-year-old batty on his arm. Let the man live. You're all jealous. I get to slap those around. These are two different issues. Because look, when people ask me who's in my Mount Rushmore of comics, as a storyteller,

I mean, I always say Cosby pre-rape, but then there probably was no pre-rape, but there was probably during rape. That was when he was at his absolute best, like during the rape. But as a storyteller, to deny. I how good if he's not the best find me someone who's better they learn that in court

yeah it really did help him didn't it yeah but but like it's got like a 17 year old Labrador Retriever dog eyes we can't keep this guy in there look at how cloudy those eyes are let him go

you know and he pops that eye out when he leaves yeah I've never really seen Cosby stand up I've never liked Seinfeld stand up. From what I've seen, it's like this guy seems like he was a good almost straight man on the show, Seinfeld.

And that's what, yeah, and that's why the show was good is because that's kind of the crux of it is like the comedian is the straight man amongst his insane friend group. But it was never like, I can't recall a scene in Seinfeld where I was like laughing because of Jerry. It was always George, Elaine Kramer. Taylor, he was far.

in a way the worst actor. Yeah. And comedy is hard to deliver. The straight lines are way easier. And the other three are comedic, like, geniuses. Sure. Yeah, Julia Louise Dreyfus is like a fucking genius. So he set them up and they get to knock it all down.

I will say the thing about Seinfeld stand-up is it just feels dated now. We don't, nobody's doing like the observational. That's not what stand-up isn't. anymore. So this younger generation doesn't get it. But his mastery and his economy of words and all that stuff, he's like, like expert level. The writing of Larry David is is the best part of it. Something about how they would find a word that just sounded a little silly. And they would build a whole story around just the fact that Bosco. That's what happened. I guarantee somebody said Boscom. He's like,

Posco is a funny sounding. Bosco, Bosco, and they just, all right, let's write a Bosco story. What if, what if, and it's gold.

It's always so good. I like the, I like Herb Your enthusiasm. That man took 20 years to do 10 seasons of a TV show. And it's pretty fucking good. Did you see the most recent one? I didn't watch last season. He's too frail for me.

I felt like I was watching the last days of Joe Biden all over again. I always saw it. I think the last episode, like Larry David talks about what he do if he king of the world. And the one rule he was going to in state was that no one's allowed to talk about their dreams anymore. I'm like, I wonder if Kyle Solitz

he's like, what are you going to talk about the dreams? I don't know how you even notice Larry getting more frail because he's looked 75 for 20 years. Yeah, but he's stabilized. Like the way an Asian man will look 55 for 45

years, like he stabilized in that zone, and he stayed there from, like, 2002 to 2020, he basically looked the same. And then, like, these last couple years, he got really, like, maybe it's the cameras, too. Like, you can always tell when a production like that, and that show was so old, like I said, it took 20 years to make 10 seasons. In the first season from 2000 or 2001, they're using, like, I don't even know what kind of camera it is, but it's fuzzy. He looks like Bernie Sanders now. Like he's got Bernie Sanders face. Yeah.

He's very close to Bernie Sanders. Which I guess is fair because Larry David is 79 and Bernie Sanders is like, isn't he almost 90? No. Like when those guys get too frail, like when you end up with like Robert De Niro kicking that guy in the street and the Irishman and it looks weird. Like I always say like I love Landman, but when I see Billy Bob Thornton crawl into his giant jacked up pickup truck like the old man he is, I'm like, come on this guy's not tough can I tell you I barely get in his car

worst cinema experience I've ever had so the last Indiana Jones right that Harrison Ford was in they had three scenes where he was running and I was like guys stop it go look at the

at the Harrison Ford running it is it's just he's just moving his arms real fast but his you know what I mean to make it look like he's going Yeah. And they don't have to do that. When you have an old man like that, if they're getting chased, then he's the driver of the car. And his experience is able to be the thing that saves the day.

Oh, you know, I actually drove a little NASCAR back in the day. And you get that out of him. And it's like, oh, my God, the old vet, he knows what's up. But then you do what they did or you do even worse in Star Trek, Picard. That's the one where they bring back all the old. guys like recently. They have one where Patrick Stewart, who's like 80 something, is running away from like some evil guy or something. And oh, he's got the Mr. Burns hands and he's not running. He's hustling. And it's like he can barely hustle. And it's like, dude, it's Star Trek. Just beam him

out of there or something. Don't make Patrick Stewart run. I saw Harrison Ford in Star Wars. This is like the third newest one, you know, the first of the new try series, whatever treacle. Anyway, he has to walk on uneven surfaces, but he's like in his 70s or something. It looks unsafe. It looks like they should not put this old man in that scenario where he has to navigate and he's in a gunfighter, a blaster fight or something while carefully looking at his footing so he doesn't twist an ankle. It looks terrible.

And these Patrick Stewart's going to be able to sit down in Dune's Day. That's right. That's why it's such a perfect character for him. He said it's the last time. Ian McKellon. Ian McKellon has looked the same. He's one of those guys who's been 80 since he was fifth. They're de-aging him for the new... He's been 80 since Lord of the Rings. Yes. They had to up, they had to age him for the first one, and they're having to de-age him for the current one. I think that's telling of a great character that it's been around that long. I hope he doesn't die. Eighty-seven?

Ever? What are you talking about? I mean, I hope he doesn't die. I hope he doesn't die before he's going to. Don't you say that? Yeah. He'll come back though, right? I think Andy in the office said something like, if my grandmother ever dies, I'll kill myself. She's like 80.

Do you, I'm sure all of you have seen the Irishman? Yeah. You remember? remember where, well, De Niro is supposed to be like 32 in this scene and he's wearing his giant clogs to not look five, six. And he's supposed to be like beating up a guy who was like maybe creeping on his daughter or like did something to his business. I don't recall. But he just can't, he just can't maneuver his body that way. And so it's like him de-aged, but he looks ridiculous. And there's a scene where he has to like throw guns into a river to like toss them away. But

he can't do like an overhand throw like a young man he's doing like john mccane arm like tosses taylor i will say because it brings up another point for me the thing that i dislike more than making the old dudes be active is casting somebody who's not an athlete in an athletic role and if you look at deniro i think the movie was killing me softly uh he was playing a catcher. It's the most embarrassing throwing motion and he's supposed to be a catcher for the fucking

Red Sox. It's the most embarrassing. It was like, I can't watch that shit. I agree a thousand percent. Where I usually see it is with women beating up men, right? They'll cast there are some actresses in Hollywood who are kind of athletic.

Like I think Jennifer Lawrence is kind of athletic compared to most of the women. And then there are some who are more like pretty models who've never spent their life trying not to break a nail who if they had to jump off a kitchen chair couldn't pull it off gracefully and now they haven't beating up five guys in their like little modelist trying not to break a nail life that they've lived I hate it I see it immediately and I just can't stand it that's all yeah yeah yeah I won't tolerate it no I'll talk trash about it yeah yeah I'm taking it a step further women shouldn't be beating up men

without superpowers. Yeah. You need to be taught. Shane Gillis had a, he was on a podcast recently. He was talking about Batgirl. There's a Batgirl TV show or something. He's like, wouldn't it be funny if like her arch enemy was just some regular dude? Just some like mechanic or something like that.

Who keeps like beating her up and she's like trying to figure out gadgets. Every time they get into a fight, he holds her wrist and says, don't hate yourself. Why are you punching yourself? You knew I didn't need that air filter replacement. And yet you gave it to me. And I trusted you. Look, lady, I don't got time for this.

hilarious. Come back tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, I hate it. I don't mind, like, I don't mind if it's part of the lore. If they're a superhero of some kind, they've got powers or,

or if they've got magic or they're an elf or anything like that. Like, I got no problem with that. Depends on the kind of elf. Els don't have superpowers. There's only one kind of elf. It's only living a long time. Oh, elves don't have superpowers.

I seem to remember Arwen. What do you mean Elstarr? That was magic. Not all of them are as adept at magic as Arwen. Wait, magic's not a superpower? No, I'm saying all elves. Like, if you went to the mechanic elf or the bowstring an elf, He's probably not.

You said elves don't have superpowers earlier. Name a single elf that doesn't have magical powers. Not all of them do, rather. An elf that doesn't have magical powers. They all seem to, like, Legulus literally walks on the snow like he weighs six ounces.

I don't believe that Howl Deer, who as you'll believe, led the elves into Helms Deep to assist Theodan and the defense of the fortress had any sort of magical powers. What do you say that? What do you say that? What do you say?

They've never really highlighted the mechanic elves. So I don't know. They haven't. It's funny. You said that now that I'm thinking about it, are there elves that just have regular like the barista elf? There's Kepler elves. They just make cookies.

I bet they had a pretty aggressive cast system there that Elron just didn't want to talk about. Yeah, yeah. They're like, I don't know, there's some less point of yeared elves that were like shining shoes on the way in here. And he's like, we don't have time for this. The ring must be destroyed. Dude, if you're a round-eared elf, fuck off. Get out of here.

You don't have time for that shit. Small diet change of topic. Woody, have you watched any of the new season of Star Trek? No. Is it the one with, what's the Pike? Yeah, it's with Captain Pike, the Strange New World, Star Trek Strange New World. Oh, I didn't know it was out.

There's three episodes out. The second episode, I think this might be their last season, and it seems like they're really having some. fun with it. Slight spoilers here. One of the episode has dinosaurs. Another one of the episodes... Doesn't seem prohibitive. It's literally a horror

show. It's the most gory, scary episode of Star Trek. I've seen every episode ever. I've seen every movie ever. They've never gone this far into like gore and scariness. It's like saying the tallest dwarf? No. It reminded me of Event Horizon. They did an episode

that was like basically Event Horizon. There was, there was, RIP, same nil. There were, there were literally like disembowelments and gore and like, like, mutilation and torture and, like, scary stuff happening. It was really dark. Well, I guess if I'm going to catch up to that, I need to start in the early 60s because I've never seen a single episode of Star Trek in my life. What? I'm going to get into Star Trek with me. We'll do it.

We'll have a call. I saw that movie from 2009. We have to put some time aside for us to really. like get our ducks in a row before we begin the journey. Where would you start in? William Shatner, the beginning. I would probably start with Star Trek to the wrath of Khan. You start me with the second movie in a series?

Yes, that's because I know what I'm talking about, yeah. Because the first one has nothing to do with anything. The first one is basically, they didn't know if they wanted to do another season of the TV show, a TV movie, or a Blockbuster movie, and the production took so long. long that it went through all three of those phases until what they actually made was like a two hour and 40 minute long TV episode that's very

boring. There is no bad guy in the first one. It's a big science experiment and it can't be true. It is. There's not a bad guy in the whole. Just a confused robot that needs to be set back on its way as all. There's the second one is like an action

movie. You fight Khan who's like a genetically engineered super soldier who's got like beef with hurt from back in the day. You get a lot of good like Spock stuff and you get a bunch of like the background information about like the universe and like who the various races of people are and like what people

are up to. You get to meet all the main characters and it's also one of the old ones so everything going forward is after that mostly. Okay. But you've also told me that Star Trek is communist propaganda. Yeah, it's a, it's future communism but it's okay because the human being seems to have become so altruistic naturally that they can be trusted in that sort of economy.

It's also post-scarcity. So we have replicator technology and some sort of dilithium fusion, warp core, magic energy and teleportation and all that stuff. So we don't need jobs anyone. No one cares about the accumulation of wealth. It's more about the betterment of yourself and the rest of mankind. Can everyone afford a replicator? Everyone, if you're a human on Earth, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're a human on Earth, there's different spheres of influence. So, like, if you're on Earth, you're on the capital of the whole Federation. So, like...

Okay. The whole planet's the capital now. Really, yeah. Yeah. It's one world government. There's Starfleet. That's kind of the military exploration, like, Space Force. And then there's the Federation.

And that's the political group of all the combined planets. that are the good guys in the Milky Way galaxy. Can you replicate anything? Or is it? Are there limits? Limits to what? What you can replicate? Almost none.

Almost none. Yeah, they seem to build the starships manually. So there must be limits. But like food and things that you want every day, it can just seem to whip up. Really anything you can imagine we could find a way to just make it happen pretty much. Except for energy, I suppose. You know? So if you made like a perfect steak.

and you have one bite and you're like, this is exactly how I want it to be. And then you just replicate the same steak over and over, but a bing. No, no, no, no. They're clear that. So the replicator just like

takes food matter and creates whatever you want. But they're very clear that it's not as good as like a home-cooked meal or a chef-prepared meal. It's always like a downgrade. Oh. Well, then they should have better replicators.

They can figure that out. Or I guess they can't because nobody's got done. It was like this universe. doesn't sound so good after all. Yeah. No. Postercy in every human's one of it.

Count me out. Lame. It hasn't a teleporter, right? Yeah, but doesn't that murder me and then create a new tailor somewhere else? Yes, it does. He's from the Midwest. A four-hour drives nothing.

He doesn't need teleporter technology. Yeah. So, easy-peasy. I've never thought of that. The teleporter murders you and then puts you back together. So, worse than that, worse than that. So on my end, it dematerializes you down to the atomic level,

but it has scanned you so thoroughly that it knows where the position of every one of those atoms. And it's able to beam a energy signal to a place that, and then rematerialize from an energy to matter transformation. A new version of you. They don't take your atoms and, like, mail them somewhere. They make some new atoms on the other end and make an exact copy of you. It's like a 3D printer. It's you for all intents and purposes, but it's not really you. If there was a soul, that it didn't transfer, you just remember, you have all your memories, but that ain't you?

Yeah, but the idea that you, right, there's only a certain amount of energy. so you're transporting energy where does that energy come from that you're making the new you from they take your ladder

into energy exactly they found dematerial that seems to have more energy than you'd ever need unless for the plot you're running low on gas

sometimes the crystals break and you gotta stop somewhere and get some new ones and wouldn't you know the people that live on that planet they got the crystals they're racists

And you got to deal with that. You got to teach them anti-racist stuff for like 22 more minutes. You can't just wipe out the lizards and be like, got it. So those are the times when like, for the most part, they're super peaceful. Like they have this prime directive thing. They don't interfere with like inferior cultures, ones that haven't gone faster than light and stuff like that. And they really try not to commit genocide. That's a big no-no.

No way. But every now and then, like Captain Cisco will just destroy a planet just to spike somebody. And moments like that are more of a more of a suggestion. The prime suggestion. That's what they call it. The prime suggestion. Don't you do this unless you really, you know, unless you got this. You had a bad, bad day.

That would genuinely be a good name for an episode because they violate the prime directive constantly. Dude, it's kind of fun. We'll go back in time and accidentally like introduce themselves to people, maybe replicate a few things out of thin air, maybe cure a disease, and leave.

And then they come back a thousand years later and there's monuments to like one of the bit characters that they absolutely loved and consider a god and he doesn't know how to handle it. It's fun. They've done it several times.

They've done it several times. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like we're going back to that well. That's a good one. It's a good show. I dig it a lot. A lot of hot ships on that show.

I like Star Trek Beyond. I'm going to spoil the heck out of this movie. What happens? There are these mining ships. And what they do is they like burrow and smash into rocks, asteroids, whatever. That's the nature of the ships. There's, I don't know how many. It's hard to estimate thousands of them.

So these mining ships get angry. They're followed by a leader who directs them against like the enterprise, for example, or some planet. Idriselba. it'd be like the U.S. military against a swarm of bees. What do we do exactly? What artillery, Atkins or attack them missiles? Like, how do you handle bees? Well, they played some classical music, which is Beastie Boys sabotage.

And it ruins the communication between all these like little mining ships that bust up things. And they all like explode. So it's the enterprise blasting Beastie Boys. into the vacuum of space and breaking all the mining ships and they just explode as it sails through the mass of them. It's an incredible movie. Kind of awesome. Star Trek movies, that is not how sound works in real life, no.

I was just making sure. It works great. It works great at Hollywood. And I've said this so many times. But Star Trek movies, it's like they'll do a little casting color. We got a problem. We're going to need some MMA fighters, some base jumpers. and fencing.

And people are like, well, I have these skills. And they volunteer for the away mission. And sure enough, you like, you get freaking what the, not Picard, who is he? William Shatner. Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk on a motorcross bike jumping through the air, causing distractions while the other people have their marksmanship skills on point.

And this is how we deal with our war. It's a blast. You know, to me, there will never be. a dude like William Shatner ever again. Ever. Go to Dunkin' Donuts. There's one there right now. Stop it. I think he is

so cool that fucking guy. And he's still kicking. Yeah, he's making, my buddy just produced an album with him. He puts out music albums. I wish I could find it. But I have a William Shatner DVD

where he teaches paramotoring. It is the funny fucking thing. He had a little low point in his career, so he started making like how to pair videos. It's like post-T.J. Hooker. Hey, guys, I got to, I got to run.

I got to run. I got to run. Thanks for coming. Yeah, thanks for having me. And if any of your people are in Houston, I'm there, August 13th, 14th, and 15th. Can I just say, and I think I say this every time I'm on the show, your fans

come out to my shows and they are so cool, man. It's such a cool group of people following this show. So I appreciate everybody who listens to who comes out. That's cool. What were your show dates again? Did you just give out show dates? August 13th, 14th, 15th, in Houston.

And then I'm on the road, basically, for the rest of the year, comedian, joshwilth.com, tour dates. Very cool. Yeah. Everybody go to the show. I always appreciate you coming on. Guys, thank you so much for having me. listen, what is?

Dude, I'm going to be you when I grow up. Oh, my shit. It looks really good. And you've always been good with body fat. So you added muscle and now you're there. We're going. Listen, I'll send you a couple pictures later. Well, we talked about this.

You know the kind of pictures I like. It'll be a close. I'll get a closer point. All right. Take it. Take it. Take it easy. I want to see it again.

Oh, Zach's gone. Oh, he closed it. He got it. He got it. When Zach comes. Oh, he's back. What were you going to have? Can you show some of the pictures from this page?

Because I think it's wonderful. Let's see. Oh. It's William Shatner, buckling in. I guess I'll wait for him. you scroll down, go to the top left one. Don't miss that. Oh, thank. Zach said he hurried for us. There he is. There's the man.

Oh, he's still. This is a little while ago. This is before I started flying. And then can you show the top left one on the scroll down? There he is. Look at him. You know, something about Parramotor just looks, a man, look cool. Makes a man look cool, don't you think? So, you know what? So sexy.

I like you. So yes. To me, the thing that's really setting it off is the enormous Federation badge belt buckle he was wearing. You can see it. Look at the shirt he's got on in the background. The guy's got cool glasses, though. He's wearing a poor quality, mind you. Oh, it's his paintball.

This is paintball, isn't it? I don't know. I see why you're saying that. It looks like it could be. He does paintball. Well, he doesn't still paintball. He's 95. Look at that.

is paintball flight. I don't understand a paintball flight. I guarantee they paid him to parameder over a tournament and shoot at people with a paintball gun. This is before 10-4. Is that when it was, or 10-7? What was the... October 7th in Israel.

October 7th, yeah. Oh, before that, yeah. Yeah, thanks. I know that he did paintball events like this, like he'd get paid to come to him and like, Captain Kirk is going to be here. and the Federation's going to fight the Klingons. He'll be leading the charge.

And like, dude, even for me, I'd be like, what will my rank be? Complete bitch. I'd cry if he was mean to me. You'd cry to William Shatner was. Yeah, I might. I might cry if William Shatner were mean to me. If he did it, like, at the captain's voice,

like he was really disappointed with me. me, I think that would just tear me down, down nothing. If you're going to meet him, you better do it soon. 95, you know. I look, I had that same thought, honestly. I really did that I was like, what's it cost to go meet that guy at like a Comic-Con type convention or whatever? First of all, the experience leaves a lot to be wanted.

And it's very expensive to meet someone like William Shadner. Like, it's ridiculous. I had a friend who went and did the Hobbit breakfast in Florida, like a few months back, and they literally got served breakfast by the four main hobbits from the Lord of the Rings movies. They got all four? All and Arwin.

Lynn Tyler was there. What? Yeah. How much should they pay for this? It was a lot. I put it in the WhatsApp, like, some of the pictures she took, and they're in like a banquet hall with like, it kind of reminds me of like a charity banquet with the round tables and there's maybe eight or a wedding it looks similar to that like that kind of

seating like six eight people to a table and the hobbits are going around serving everybody breakfast it's the four main hobbits and they're bringing out fucking sausages and fucking bacon and muffins and shit do you think they had to fake laugh at a bunch of second breakfast jokes Or they're like, like, ha, ha, ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Wouldn't this be 11? Huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh? Well, William Chattner has events right now from $56, $45, and $67 in Louisville, Kentucky. That's not, actually, that's super far from you. There's no way he needs money. He's had like three careers in Hollywood. Louisville Palace Theater, October 31st, and Chicago. Illinois at the Doug at Douglas Park but wait that is that for like a music

performance he just looked up William Shatner and it says events and so I clicked more events riot fest 2026 and I guess maybe he's gonna see him I would want to like me'd also see tool though because tool would be there too I'd want to meet him for 30 seconds you know like I'd want to go to like one of those meet and greet audio autograph signings where you take the picture with the guy and I don't want the autograph or the picture I just want to tell him how much I appreciate his work And how much... I bet he's fucking sick of that, dude.

This schedule. I tell him how much better he was and how much more talented he was than Nimoy. Like, he'd eat that up. Dude, check this out. He's in Boston on August 7th. He's in Vegas on August 9th. He's in Chicago on August 14th. And then he's in Tucson, Arizona, September 4th.

Scotland on October 24th. Start Tycondooga, New York in November. This is this schedule? eight days later he's in Ireland and then a week after that he's in Columbus, Ohio. This man is working his buns off doing appearances.

Does he like it? Keeps him young. Yeah. He must like it at this point. Like, why would he continue? Like, how much? Does he get Star Trek pussy, you think? I bet he did.

I mean, he seems like he's at an age we're almost, you know, he's saying like, pussies for the birds. I've had my share. wife died and like, like maybe she was killed by a DUI driver or something like that. And then, I'm not even joking. This isn't, this is, this is, but, but I think his wife was killed by a drunk driver. And then, you know, he went to space with Jeff Bezos. You remember that? They went up

in his rocket. And when they landed it, I'm sorry. I ruined it. Jeff Bezos gets out the champagne. And he starts, he pops the bottle and he's spraying alcohol on William Shatner who hasn't had a drinks in like 25 years or something like that and has this dramatic alcohol thing. He said four wives. He hated going to space. He's like there's nothing up there. It's just black

and empty. He's like we are alone. He had this like reaction to going to space that wasn't very positive. Yeah, he said his quote was my trip to space was supposed to be a celebration. Instead it felt like a funeral. All I saw was

death. I saw a cold, dark, black emptiness. Oh, that's beautiful. I love his honesty, because you know that's not what they wanted to hear. They wanted to hear how that was the greatest day of his life, how his dream came true, how he's now really as Star Trek captain, et cetera, et cetera. And instead he's like, it's black, it's dark, it's cold, I'm out. I wanted to hear, for a moment, I thought about going the other way, just heading off into

the cosmos. Underground. But then they took the controls from me. They brought us back home. There's a bunch of like 30 and 40-year-old. on. They're like, no, no. He's 96 going through. I didn't realize

how rare it is to escape Earth's gravity. Like the international, I knew that the experience zero gravity. The moon ones and that's it. So you guys knew this already. But here's how orbiting, like all the satellites in our orbit and stuff, here's how it works.

They're really just falling very quickly. They're being sucked into Earth, but they're going sideways so fast. Earth isn't there when they get pulled into it. And it was the thing that made it me understand it was Newton's cannonball. So Newton was like, what if we shot a cannonball so quickly that as it was pulled down to Earth, it kind of made it around Earth's curvature.

So we go to the right speed. And you can, I guess, theoretically, orbit Earth if you're fast enough at three feet off the ground. It's just as you're getting pulled, the curvature of, forget, mountains exist. but the curvature of the Earth is making the Earth sort of disappear as you're losing altitude, but you're going so quickly, you just stay at the same constant altitude. That's how satellites orbit the Earth. They're not in zero gravity.

They're just falling so quickly. They're getting sucked towards Earth, but they're moving around it so quickly that the Earth's not there and they maintain a steady altitude. I was like, oh, I get it. And I saw Neil deGrasse Tyson doing his thing where he was talking, This was years ago. He's talking in front of some auditorium, probably students, where he's like, I'm sure all of you saw that guy who was in, you know, space who worked for Red Bull and jumped out of there. And you could see the curvature of the earth from that height. You all saw it right? And then he did his Neil DeGrasse Tyson thing where he's like, wrong, retards.

That was a fish eye lens. You're not nearly high enough to see the curvature of the earth from there. That would be like being on a beach ball and like putting a airsoft BB on the top. You're not going to see shit from the crest of that airsoft BB. Like you need to be so much high. I was disappointed when I like learned the how high you have to be to actually see the curvature instead of just like. Because like the first time you get on a plane as a kid, you're like, oh, it's certainly not just the angle of this glass. I'm probably seeing it. And then you look it up and it's like, no, not even close.

You're not even in the vicinity of seeing it, dude. I flew my paramotor to 15,000 feet. And intellectually, I knew that wasn't high enough. But I was like, I'm going to look really closely. I'm going to like, I have an hour to look at this, right? And there's no glass. There's no nothing. It's just me and the earth.

You can't see the curvature of the earth at 15,000 feet at all. What is the height? I don't know. I'm like hundreds of thousands of feet. Probably. Probably really high. I thought you could too. Like I've been on top of,

um, does it look out mountain or something like that? I was on top of some like medium size like southeastern mountain. And it seemed like from up there. I was like, yeah, I kind of see there's a little.

Talked yourself into it a little bit. I really did. I was like, I think I told the girl I was with him. Check it out. You can see the curvature of the earth. I think it's all. You talk them into it too.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah.

So, you can see it more distinctly at 20 kilometers above the earth. That's real far. Which is pretty like 13 miles maybe. Yeah, something like that. Who could say? You divide it by 10 and then multiply it by 6, right? 12.4 miles.

I was close. That's close. Yeah. Divided by 10, you two times 6, 12. I watched a session. I really liked it. I thought it was solid too. I liked the premise of it and I like that girl's acting.

I thought that girl was a tremendous actor. I came online that people were saying, or they were like, some people were saying that the guy wasn't the villain of the movie. The guy was the villain of the movie, right? I mean, he was the guy who like created the whole circumstance, right? Even though in the beginning he did seem hapless. Like he seemed to be like just, I wish she loved me this and that.

Oh, he's such a pussy though. Yeah, he is a complete pussy. But I also like I saw someone posting like little Easter eggs, not even Easter eggs. I just wasn't paying enough attention where like at the end when he bought the two other wishing willows, you know, not to spoil too much, but Woody's not into these kind of movies. He doesn't care. You should watch. It's good.

Yeah, I think you would like it. But he bought two of those wishing willows instead of just one that it would take to negate it. And so clearly he thought he could maybe revise a little lawyer talk to, you know, get it the way he wanted. Yeah. Well, I think he was just covering all his bases. Like at that point, I'd be it to as well. There's no way I'd walk out of there. We'd just want to not have a backup, like wishmaking device.

Dude, I would have bought them out and then been like, make that shit with the girl back to normal. also now we're going bananas. I want a billion dollars. I want a sick-ass man. Well, I guess the billion dollars takes care of that. And then you're just like, I want to be a star in some professional sports league. Be careful while you worded. It'll turn you into an actual star in the sky or something. This is some sort of an evil wishing device, Woody, where like you get your wish, but the way it's accomplished is pretty awful. Yeah. Yeah, sort of, it's literally a monkey's pot. It's needful thing kind of situation. And it, it's a monkey's paw. And it. at the base of it. But the main character is basically a guy who's been friend zoned. And I think that there's some

like in cells who sympathize with him for some reason and don't see him as the villain. But he's given his shot. Like he gets his shot and he pussies out and doesn't even take it. Like the girl that he's super into is like, do you like me? Do you like me?

Because you need to say something if you do. Like she's like, she's really laying out the red carpet. it. Oh my God. She's like, do you like me? Because now's the time. Because like they work together. She's sending him pictures that I would like. She hasn't sent in the close-ups yet, but she's

some wide tastefuls already. And they are, they look, you see a little butthole. And she's laying out the red carpet and he pussies out and instead he basically makes some sort of a wishing well demon deal. And the results are terrified and

really awkward. she becomes incredibly obsessed with him and it goes bonkers. I really like the movie. I can't believe they made that for less than a million dollars. It's really excellent. It made like $450 million. He's not the bad guy from the beginning though,

which I've seen people say like he's like when he made that wish in the beginning. It's like to me that little throwaway wish thing was like the same as him like doing she loves me. She loves me not like flower shit in the park. It's like it wasn't until well after. that that he's that he becomes the the kind of bad guy i'd like to see one of these monkey paul's show give it to an attorney who just like makes ironclad wishes with this like well-defined contracts

there's a series of youtube short oh really yeah the guy the guy's like okay i want this many dollars american dollars and i don't want to fall from the sky and crush me They're like he goes through this long laundry list of like the does it work out? Does he succeed in doing it or do they find a bad way? Like I-O-Rodrunner the way I remember it where like every episode like he thinks he's got it worked out but not quite. That joke was in a cartoon show called Fairly Odd Parents back in the day. And the whole, yeah, the whole joke was that this Timmy Turner has his fairly odd parents and they like achieved wishes for him. And my younger brother liked that.

I didn't watch it a bunch, but I saw a clip of like some other fairy was granting Timmy wishes. And they were all coming incorrect. And his first wish, like the next time he got a chance with this genie that was very sinister trying to fuck him over was like, I wish for a fairy attorney. And then like like a little fairy attorney shows up. And he's like, I want you to make sure that all of my wishes to this guy are correctly worded. And then it's like huge scrolls with every wish where the. attorney is like in sign off here and the other genie's like fuck

like I can't agree with yeah that's exactly what I'm talking about yeah this video is kind of close to this is actually what I was thinking of it's really funny it was voiced by Norm that's funny let's see yeah I feel like I could come up with a wish that was

that was simple and worded plainly enough that there could be no advantage taken of me yeah I think I think you want money you don't want to try to like ask for a mansion because like then it's going to be a haunted mansion or it's going to have fucking termites at best like something's going to be wrong with that fucking mansion like you know what I mean but if you if you ask for an amount of of money and then you really specify where that money

needs to be and what the tax implications are going to be and et cetera I don't feel like he can fuck you what if you wish to be like the most persuasive person on earth so you don't fuck yourself reading minds, but like if you're talking to Elon Musk, you could just, by virtue of your speech, persuade him to give you, like, whatever you wanted. What if you accidentally, though, like said something to someone you cared about that was, like, jockey? Persuade him out of it. They'd immediately, like, ah, kill yourself.

And then before you turn around laughing, they kill themselves or something? No, no, you just persuade them out of it. Just, it's self-corrected. Just be able to turn it on and off. Yes, and you could turn it on. Yeah, if you wanted mind control, you should be able to turn it on and off too. They do that in Umbrella Academy? Do you guys know that?

I've heard you guys talk about it, but that's it. There's one woman and she says, I heard a rumor and then the next thing becomes true. So that's how she like activates her superpower. Like, I heard a rumor. I'd settle for one of those wearing hats and then you'll immediately pull it all. I'd settle for one of those death, death note notebooks. You know, where you just write the person's name in there and they die? You'd settle for that?

That's an incredible power. Well, I'm saying it's not as nice as like mentally controlling anyone you want. You didn't be controlling and be persuading. Like you take out Putin or something to solve a war. There are people who will get revenge. Not if I write in a book. They'll never know. They'll never know I wrote a book.

They don't go about my book. You wouldn't even have to. You wouldn't have to start with one world leader. But there would be signs. I wish threats. I wish threats. part of your power, right? Like, hey, hey, hey, knock this off. You've had a warning or else. And you can't ever have that. You got to keep it a full secret.

The entire Chicago Blackhawks organization has experienced a horrible illness. A plane crash. I crashed their plane when they were commuting to come into the town to play. Yeah. Yeah, you could do that. Or... That would get it done. But I'd feel bad about that. I'd be like, they've all suspiciously retired and then... And all of them have decided to sign league minimum contracts with the St. Louis Blues. How are the blues? Are they good? Oh, my God. I mean, the season doesn't start until October, but it's not shaping up to be a good year. The sixers were in purgatory. We had no future. We were good enough to, like, lose in the first or second round of the playoffs.

And for some reason, the Celtics gave us their second best, maybe even best, but probably. probably second best player, and we gave them a player with negative trade value. Like you would offer a first round pick just to get his contract out of your organization, and which is what we did. We got a first round pick in this negative problem, and we got a great player in return. And then with that great player's arrival, suddenly other people wanted to come to Sixers. Like we have role players, and then of course, LeBron James comes to the Sixers. Oh, he plays with them now?

Yeah, LeBron James is on the Philadelphia. any sixers. Did you? Okay. No, I'm being serious. I don't follow NBA. All my NBA knowledge is you. I didn't know that you could escape this news. But yeah, now LeBron James is on the Sixers. He's both like the best, he's the best

passer in the NBA right now, and he's got a load of talented teammates. And we are on the short list for winning the chip this year. And we had no present and no future. And we got a new GM and in one season, suddenly, everyone's talking about the six

no one's being talked about as much as the sixers no one has how long is the bad guy on the books uh so that's the guy we get rid of and he has this year and the next year yeah so we got rid of our problem in exchange for a great player jalen brown from well nice he was a finals MVP

the year before last like that's good yeah you're right good resume yeah so this and and he's they're like shredding his name. They're like, you think she's smarter than everyone else. I'm like, well, did everyone else guest lectured at MIT? Let me know. Well, go Sixers. I have no allegiance to any other team by a long shot. And so go, go Philadelphia. I am going to support the next St. Louis run so hard. I am

deep in team support debt on this thing, and I appreciate it. I always root for my boys' teams. You got to As long as Like if When Kyle was supporting The Chicago Blackhawks Obviously I didn't sign on to that That was a spite route

That was a spite root I didn't like it That was a nice hoodie though It was a nice hoodie though It was good It's so warm I wake up on a Saturday morning And like come out

And drink my coffee I don't know Dak got that big Black Beach jersey on It's warm and snuggly Got the hood pop Yeah it's really good materials Atlanta Braves

Are they in first in the league Or are they in second or second or third in the league, right? So 69 wins is pretty top tier. The Brewers have 72 wins, I think. The Brewers have this starting pitcher, this kid. I think his name's Miz Rowski or something like that. I sent a video there.

That's him breaking the MLB speed record for a starting pitcher. Only one other pitcher has ever thrown a pitch as fast as he just threw there. And it was some, I think it was a closer. You know, one of those guys, a specialist who comes out and throws one inning, like just gets one guy out sometimes. it's a starting pitcher throwing 105 miles per hour. We are going to face this guy in the playoffs.

Somebody, I mean, somebody is. They're clearly going to win. 72 wins on the team, winning his team in all of baseball. Braves and Dodgers both have 69 wins for the season, I believe. I look forward to watching this guy play in the playoffs because he's been so lights out,

and it's so fun to watch somebody throw that fast. Like, it's a different look. You see people really, react to it like, oh, I've never seen a baseball move that fast and I play baseball for a living. What is the, is the strike box rule that it has to be, it just has to touch the line, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any part of the ball in that box. Okay.

Yeah. Strike zone. That's fine. The YouTube has been feeding me, is it Greg Maddox? Is that his name? Oh, hell yeah. The fucking professor. You've been to learn about the professor?

Yeah. So like this is one that I kind of got. He's up like eight to one. And it's late innings, say six or higher or something like that. And this other guy, he's got the scouting report on it. And, you know, the cat. Oh, apparently he does all the calls when he pitches. He tells the catcher basically where it's going, but that's all the catcher needs to know.

And the catcher gives a sign or something. They're like, no, not there. No, not there. And he pitches him a bad pitch. And the guy hits it for a home run, sends it into the stands. And the catcher comes up and he's like, what? Why would you do that? And he's like, listen, we're a good team.

They're a good team. We're going to meet them in the playoffs. And he's going to be waiting for that pitch that he sent into the home run. He's like, batters. They remember their successes and they forget their failures. So let's give them a success to think about. And sure enough, he's right. the two teams they meet in the playoffs.

And that batter was waiting on that pitch to send into the stands again. It never came. He strikes him out. And it was all because of a setup he did like two and a half months earlier. And I was like, shocks. This is the professor. All right. I like it.

Greg Maddox is one of the greatest starting pitchers of all time. He was wildly intellectual and had an amazing talent for like painting the corners of the box. and knowing who he was the scouting reports and like the research he'd do and like the mind games. Really fun. That was during that era where they had, they had two other.

They also had Glavins and Smolts as starting. All Hall of Famers and they only won one fucking championship. I think it's neat when a professional athlete, obviously he's athletic. I'm sure he threw the fall faster than, you know, everyone in high school. But that wasn't his bread and butter. Like he didn't throw heat that no one else could match.

Instead, he threw it where it needed to go. And I think that's kind of cool. Yeah, I heard Randy Johnson, you know, the big giant six-foot tall, bird murderer, six foot seven, the guy who blew up the pigeons. Everybody, even if you don't know a dick about baseball, you've seen the clip of Randy Johnson blowing up a pigeon during a game. I've heard him talk about Greg Maddox. He's like, you know, I'm not really an athlete.

I'm just real tall. But Greg, I mean, I mean, he's not. not an athlete at all. You look at him. You're like, how's he doing it? Yeah. Yeah, but he was a four-time Sy Young winner.

I'm trying to say he's not just pretty good. He's one of the greatest pitches to have ever touched a ball. Yeah, yeah. And he's not an athlete at all. I was a big fan during that time.

Like when he was doing crazy stuff in the mid-90s, that's when I was watching, I don't know, 30 or 40 games a year or something like that. Like we'd watch every night or I'd listen when we were working. I'd always listen on the radio. Like I really liked our announcement announcing team like whatever the

announcing booth. I was a huge fan. Yeah. That I glace LeBron. LeBron James is not only one of the greatest basketball minds to have ever touched a ball. He's a really good athlete. Now he's 41, the version we get. But I'm excited because he has a lot of

athletic teammates and I'm hoping he can help them rise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I look forward to watching it. I like the, like I always say, I like the idea of greatness. And so I don't think he was, he clearly wasn't going to be able to get as many rings as Jordan. Or maybe even stand out as a solo presence as much. But he's found his own way to top Jordan here with these like these late year 40, 41 year old.

If he goes to the playoffs with you guys, like I think that that's a different. sort of feather in the cap, but it is when you're doing goat talks or like, or even if you're just doing like position talk, who is best at this position or who's the true most valuable player of all time, something like that. Then like, those are big feathers in your cap. If he goes to another organization at 41 and just goes around into the playoffs, like even that would be huge,

especially if he's playing and he's not hurt. Yeah. We're pretty favored to make it into the playoffs. But then again, you know, we've got some guys who wear street clothes a lot. So we'll see how this goes. Yeah, we'll see about that. The Braves are like nine games ahead or something like that. I think they're a 91% betting favorite to win the National League East.

I wouldn't put it past them. They could do it. The Phillies could come back. And the Phillies have lost like seven of their last nine or something in a row or something. The Braves have won like eight in a row or something like that. Cardinals stink. Yeah, y'all guys are like 15 games out. out, aren't you? I mean enough. Yeah, 15 games from the Brewers. It's a little late in the year to be

pulling 15 games out of your hat. I don't think so bad because that's the team that the most people around here are obsessed with. Like my wife and her family, like that's the sport they follow is baseball. Well, you know what the real problem is I'm looking at it here. You're you're 10 games behind just the Cubs, but you're 15 behind those brewers I were talking about with the home-eated rose a hundred five. The cards just were huge sellers apparently. Like, and sold everybody to hopefully rebuild, I guess, which pretty, pretty lame. I mean, I think the last time they won a World Series was 2011, which usually the Cardinals

don't go that long without one. Baseball doesn't have a salary cap, right? They do that bullshit where, like, you can pay penalties. And so, like, that's why L.A. and New York and the big markets. And then they choose to pay it. Yeah. And then like the Colorado Rockies are just like a farm league system for them. In basketball, the penalties are so oppressive that people don't pay. Even Steve Ballmer doesn't pay him and he's one of the richest people on the planet.

But more than that, there are some in-game penalties. Like if you're in the second apron or whatever it is, you don't get a first round draft anymore. And so like you're, it gets really hard to keep a good team without draft picks and, you know. Check out the pay. NBA is hard cap? No, it's the soft cap. Like you can pay more than other teams do, but the penalties are like $2 for every dollar or salary or something insane. And on top of that, you lose draft picks. So your team just ages. So you basically can't do it. No one does.

It should be hard. Hockey's the only sport I know of them. That's hard cap. Where like you cannot, like every team like Toronto doesn't get a benefit over Carolina. You know what I wish? I wish that if you drafted the player, that somehow their salary only counted half towards the cat. And the reason is, like, that guy you got as a rookie that you developed on your team, you get to keep him. He's better for you. Like, this guy's a sixer. He could be a sixer for life.

We drafted him, and he stays here. And for the rest of his time here, his contract is only like half price against the cap. That's risky, though. Like there'd have to be a limit on the years. Like maybe the first couple years after their entry level contract. There's a couple years. They're already cheap. No, no, I mean, after the entry level, maybe a little bit after that because I'm thinking of the Pittsburgh Penguins and that they got who you, I'm sure, don't like. Like, they got Crosby and they got Malkin.

Imagine if they had Crosby and Malkin for the last 20 years half price. Like they would have won instead of just, you know, three Stanley Cups of the past 20 years, they would have won seven. And you picked two guys who didn't move. But like, didn't you guys draft, did you get Rowanick? Did you get Brett Hull or did they just come? Blues got Hull. Yeah. So imagine if you had Brett Hull his entire career because no one else would want to pay like so much more than you would have to pay half for.

Does that make sense? No, I get it. But like the St. Louis has lost a lot of great players. I don't know how many of you drafted because, you know, players move on. I would like it if players, if we just want something to keep players. with their home team. I feel you. I think back what I said about St. Louis.

Look at this chart here. And I think what the interesting stat here is how many wins you get per million dollars. Okay. I wish that ratio were displayed. And look all the way down at the bottom at 28th place, Little St. Louis. Only 57 wins, but they only cost $91 million. Yeah, they're like, they just sold them. Carter has a boat that costs more than that.

I wonder what it really is. It's pretty high for their team. Like they're not like top like five, but for the size of the market, St. Louis is because baseball is like a religion here. I think this is because they've sold everyone. Like they're trying to do a rebuild. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy low. You see the Mets up there, $49 million. Love that. Love to see that. Oh, why do you hate the Mets?

Oh, you know, play against the Mets my whole life. They hate the Mets. Hate the Mets, hate the Phillies. Hmm. I, I, oh, because the Mets are in your league, your division. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What about the Washington Nationals?

Philly is beating Atlanta. They don't have any problems out of it. Man, I remember growing up, like, the Cubs were such a joke. It was always like, man, the Cubs suck. let's watch the Cardinals Cubs game and it was just St. Louis molesting them again and now for like the past decade the Cubs have been consistently better.

Gay. Yeah, I'm looking forward to the postseason baseball with the new what are they called the MLS system? What's the way they call that laser system that checks the umpires? Whatever that shit's called, the challenge system that Yeah, yeah, I forget what it's called in baseball.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing that in the playoffs. the pitch clock and then obviously like I I really am into a guy who could throw just faster than anybody else like that's some that's some like Hollywood movie shit if he wins uh if he wins the series this year I have a new topic are we ready for it yes sir what song would you pick if I offered you a million dollars to sing it but you had to get every word right right now for a limited time everyone's part of the Buick team even you Buick's employee pricing for you You event is on now. Get a purchase credit of up to $3,168 on a 2026 Buick Envision.

Surround yourself with signature Buick refinement from an available massaging driver's seat to an expansive panoramic moonroof and a stunning ultra-wide 30-inch diagonal screen. Don't miss Buick's employee pricing for you event. Visit buick.com for more details. Oh, I'm not good at songs. I can't think of a single. I've got mine locked in. I can't think of a single song. I know every one.

I mean, I knock happy birthday out like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. How I wonder what you are. No, I thought of those two. No. Kyle, what's the name and happy birthday? Good luck. Good luck.

You could just pick it. I would be a birthday. Happy birthday, dear. Happy birthday to you. You got a word wrong. You got a word wrong. I thought it in advance. I've got a better song.

Well, you could sing like any Taylor. Swift song. Like that's not true. Zach has mine. The ABC song. Oh, we're thinking. I was thinking like mainstream songs. I know wet ass pussy. I know wet ass pussy.

Let's see. You do not know every word to wet ass pussy. I know most of the words the wet ass pussy. Jingle bells. There's a real song that I think I'm pretty Jingle-Bel, Shingle Bell. No, no, no.

Roodle of the Red Nose Reindeer. That's what I meant to say. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I think I have it. I feel like the holiday song. Keating is my strategy. I think my happy birthday, my happy birthday thing was a joke

because like it doesn't count. I think it should be from a performance artist for money and not one of the holiday songs. Or the A. Because we can all, we all know those at least semi-profitionally. Well, we've time to prepare. I think I could learn a song.

Oh, we have time to, I thought there was right up. Yeah, yeah. I mean, off the cuff, there's no, there isn't a, like, popular song in the world outside of, like, holiday and happy birthday. Kyle, you have to help me. What is it? I could do. On the big rock candy mountains, the roads are made of 10. And you can walk what? No, no, no, no, no, no. And you can walk right out again as soon as you were in. You're wrong already. You already lost. In the big rock candy mountains, the jails are made of. Oh, the jails. And you can walk right out of them as soon as you are in. There ain't no. short handle shovels no axes saws or picks the lake of stew and a whiskey too you can paddle all around them in a big canoe in the big rock any mountains i don't know this song i've never heard it yeah it's from uh oh brother

the dogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs i wasn't even close i didn't i'm going to stay when you sleep all day where they hung the turk then invented work in the big rock i did know that kyle would be the closest to ready for this challenge very good he might even know a song hens laying soft boiled eggs was the It begins. One evening as the sun went down and a jungle fire was burning. Down the track came a oboe hiking and he said, boys, I'm not turning. I'm headed to a land that's far away

beside the crystal fountains. So come with me, we'll go and see the big rock any mountains. Who sings this song? I don't know. Well, this is a song from the 1920s or something. Harry McClintick. It's featured in the old thing. It's featured in my favorite rendition of The Odyssey. What's it called, Taylor?

The Cohen Brothers movie that I'm... Oh, Oh, Brother Where Art, though? Oh, Brother Where Art, though? Yeah. Man, there's a lot of lyrics in this song. There's a lot of, like, old country songs that Kyle knows many of the words, too. Most of them. I really do know most of them.

Yeah. I would be so bad at this question. Like, I just don't listen to music much. Is that like whole albums of Travis Trude. Like most M&M songs, sometimes I don't know what the word is. So I'm just saying like a thing. I just say Juergen. Like he's jerkin to Jurgens.

But he's jerkin, but this whole bag of Iagra isn't working? Is that what he said? I'm trying to get it dead. Is it working? He rhymes Jurgens with working. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. And jerking.

Well, damn. I think, I don't think. I don't think you could do the entire Big Rock Candy Mountain because... You know I couldn't. You know I won't. No, because you were doing verse 5 with the axes... I was bouncing around. Go ahead, Taylor. Hit him with a line that you think he can't follow. All right, I'll give you a line.

All the cops have wooden legs. Where's it go from there? And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the Hensley softballed eggs. I know the whole fucking song. No, what's next? Whole verse. Finish the verse. Well, now I'm a little mixed up. I'm stone, but, but, but like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

That is fair. I accept that excuse. Is it about shovels? Nope, that's verse five. Okay. The, okay, well, the farmers. That's the two words from the next line after the soft-billed eggs. Taylor, tell me what's the next two words.

It's the farmer's trees are full of fruit. And the barns are full of eight. He knew it, he knew it. And the barns are full of pain. Yeah, I know the whole fucking song. If he was on a roll, I do think there's a real chance he could just follow through like that. It is a little trickier to do what I did. Jumping in the middle of a lyric is very hard.

I had that soundtrack, the, The, Oh, Brother Where Arthur's soundtrack. I listened to that thing on repeat like all day, all the time for a couple years. I know most of, I know most of Man of Constant Sorrow, probably. Like I know the whole The whole thing I liked me of constant sorrow My grandparents had that And they would play it

When they were like smoking cigarettes in the car And they were driving us around Me too I really enjoyed it Yeah Yeah To this day I smell I smell one of those sigs

Like I that's why I have no aversion To the smell of cigarettes Is it just reminds me of being around My grandparents when I was little They reeked to sigs Sometimes they'd smoke with the windows down like when we were in the car. You mean up?

Or up, I'm sorry, yeah. Down is a little more acceptable. I had only been in a car one time with a smoker who smoked with the windows up. I got a ride home from school with a friend and his mom smoked in the car with the fucking windows up. And we were in the back of the car and I was just thinking like, this is insane. Like I was like 14 or 15. But even then I was like, this is insane. saying like is this like is she attacking us with smoke on purpose like this is what y'all live with

because my dad smoked my whole childhood but he had the window down it was out the window like i never remember smelling smoke or being bothered by smoke as a child once ever they never smoked indoors my mom smoked like oh they smoked indoors all the time my grandparents i remember my mom smoking like maybe a little bit when i was a little kid but she like quit and you know never smoked again my dad vapes now he he smoked for like his whole life and then he's been vaping for like three or four years now or something like that no knock on wood but you know he's in his 70s and no lung cancer no lung damage whatsoever he smoked a pack of marlborough reds every fucking day my entire life those are heavy like yeah you know I remember my mom would get mad at my grandma and grandpa for smoking in the car with us. And she'd be like, mom, you at least have to have the windows down. And I remember like the degree to which my grandma would roll the window down was almost laughable.

It was like a half inch and she would just occasionally stick her cigarette out to let it ash by the wind and then keep smoking. And I was like, this just isn't, this isn't effective enough. Like we need a little more circulation here. But today's standard smoking in someone else's car is like highly offensive. It was her car. No one would ever do without asking. Yeah, no one would do that without asking. When I was a kid, some smokers would assume it was okay to smoke.

You know, that they might ask you for an ashtray in your house. Yeah. Which, I mean, like, I don't mind it. Like, but I would, it's not that I don't mind being in a car with people smoking. I don't want you to smoke in my car. But, like, I have had people smoke in my car, and I've smoked in my car, and, like, nobody ever did it without fucking asking. Even if I was smoking, they would ask if they could smoke. That's the way this works.

You don't know, maybe I've got a special smoking technique I'm doing over here to make sure this. You didn't smell like smoke when you got in, did you? Yeah, I have a technique. I have a maneuver, all right? Air conditioning off, windows going down to two and a half inches. The cigarette stays right here. I'm puffing and blowing. I'm puffing and blowing.

The window vent. The vents are closed. They can't even suck that air in. Yeah. There you go. There you go. You had quite a sister. Well, I'll tell my grandma of 30 years ago to implement that system.

Tell her. When did you stop smoking? Cigarettes? Yeah, we never do. I mean, if I were on an airplane and they were like special promotion, we're giving you one of these little camel packs with four cigarettes in a lighter or a book of matches, I'd be like, you know, one in Rome. I would 100% smoke.

Or like, what if we... Feels pretty nice. I think that's definitely a sign of someone who's still a smoker, always will be. I would do the same. What if we were in some sort of a scenario where like the ship's going down? Like, hey guys, the captain here, want to let you know,

we sprung a leak and the radio's out and the water's 28 degrees. And, uh, giant squids live in these waters so they're going to take us down even if you're Lance Armstrong and you're impervious to the cold. So prepare for your debts. And somebody's passing out Marlborough Reds. You know I'm going to burn one of those Marlborough Reds. I'm going to beat that guy up and take five. We wouldn't want that. I don't want it. My last cigarette was 43 years ago. I broke into a dead person's house and he was alive at the time maybe. No, no, no, he was dead before I got there. Was it fracula?

It was a dead person's house. It was like falling apart. We busted a window, I think. No, there was a hole in the roof that we were able to crawl through. Okay. There was a hole in the roof that we went in and we climbed into the house and they had cigarettes and lighters and we all had our first cigarette. What kind was it?

Like old cigarettes. It might have been a Marlboro. Well, yeah, it would have been old, right? 80s. But how old was the cigarette? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I bet the cigarette was almost a year old.

Is that old? And I tell you, you've never smoked a cigarette because tobacco is moist a little bit. It crackles and has a romantic, deep, delicious taste to it sometimes. Well, imagine it being summertime. Dry and scratchy and burning really bad. In a home where there is no separation between inside and outside. It's not that dry. Guys, we shouldn't be doing this close to the bottom.

body. My friend stole his shirt. It was a red and black flannel shirt because it was a dead man shirt. And I always envied like, who he's wearing a dead man shirt. That's like the coolest shirt ever. What? I'll never clean it. Like did he wear it after that to school or something?

You're like he's wearing old dead Jim's shirt. Yeah. Yeah. He wore it on top of his other shirt. Like it's a flannel, right? Like you could put it on top of a t-shirt, especially at the time. Y'all were in some kind of a gang, I feel like. How much breaking and entering were you doing?

The Mindy Drive kids, we were kind of badass. When did you stop robbing the dead for trophies? What did you say? You know, you never stop. It's like smoking of tobacco. And you're over here robbing the robbing graves. Kyle, didn't you smoke menthol's when you smoke? Oh, yeah, always menthols.

Yeah. Not coals or Newports, where they, uh, Were they? I started with cools. Back in the day, when I was like 19 or 20, and I first started, I smoked cools with a K. And everybody that I worked with was black. So if you were going to bomb a cigarette, it was going to be a menthol, usually in Newport. And if you were going to loan a cigarette, which was a good way to make friends, if you're all like hanging out.

Sure. It'd be nice if it was a menthol, too. And I just liked that instead of tasting like tobacco, they tasted like spearmint. I don't know. I thought it was good. Later on, I switched to Marlborough Smooth, which I still maintain is the most delicious. of all cigarettes. Marlboro smooths. Are those the 27s? No, that's a different thing.

Okay. Marlborough smooths are peppermint flavored cigarettes. I liked menthols just fine. But I remember a friend of mine in college was like a complete brat for parliaments and all he'd want to smoke were parliaments. My Russian buddy smoked those, yeah. Yeah. And like when I was like trying to. buy cheaper cigarettes, I found out that like, Palmol Blues,

ain't nothing wrong with that. Those are the lights. Like, so in college, like, I'd buy Palmol Blues sometimes. Those weren't bad. They weren't bad at all. Still tasted nice.

Look at you over there, putting on airs. I mean, or I would get, if they have, so malls are the high points of cigarettes, okay? Like,

you're risking cancer for your vice. How about, There's an explosive in every fifth one. No, you are wrong. The high point of cigarettes are edgefield. The high point of cigarettes, actually, is when you start rolling them yourself. That guy Chuck that worked for my dad that was essentially a homeless man who happened to have a place to stay. Like, he'd always roll him himself.

And where he would hold the cigarette, his fingers had yellowed, like so dramatically that you'd spot it easily. Not like if you look under a certain light, if he really showed. like you just like hey man look at his fingers they're all stained orange you'd like fuck like immediately on cigarettes to save money i've never heard of that yeah yeah so you can buy a so cigarettes way cheaper a pack of cigarettes at this time that i'm talking about was probably about five dollars a pack 550 a pack they're closer to 10 in most places now six seven eight dollars something like that um he would buy two pounds of tobacco for like 20 dollars or something and just roll himself i think you get around a lot of the taxes i think a lot of the tobacco

taxes aren't necessarily on tobacco, loose tobacco, as they are on cigarettes. So you're able to skip the tax man, which is a huge portion of the cost. So he'd roll them himself. I do that with condoms. They're like a dollar or two each. They don't tell

you, though. Latex gloves have five condoms. What are you stopping by college campuses? Oh, you're wasting money on latex gloves. You've got to get cheap. You got to get a sheep. You know, cheats are fucking free. They throw them away. Kyle, I'm leaving money.

on the table. I just looked up what states have the cheapest cigarettes. Number one is Missouri. How much is a pack of cigarettes there in Missouri? Apparently now a pack of cigarettes is average $8.8 in one cents a pack. National average? Let's see. National average for a pack of cigarettes. New York back in the day was like 10 or 15 and I might buy it. National average is $10.15. cents. $10 for a pack of cigarettes? And people spend that every day, right? Yeah. Yeah. It depends on their smoking pattern. Some people smoke to smoke to a day. That's a lot of smoke a day like a normal smoker, maybe a little less. It's pretty heavy. That's heavy. That's pretty heavy. Okay. Okay. That's 20 a day. Like that's yeah. You got to be carving out time for 20 a day.

So like, I didn't like cut myself off at any point and I didn't like try to reach a minimum every day. but just based on my lifestyle and how much I was outside or doing things that I like to smoke alongside, I would smoke about half a pack most days. But then there'd be one day where like maybe you were outside working all day long or you were just with other smokers

and occasionally I'd smoke a whole pack and I would feel like noticeably worse. It was like, oh, a pack is hard to filter. Like my filter can... Your lungs felt worse or like you were a little tuckered out or like headachey? Just lungs after like a pack a day. For me, I would like, if I smoked like, because again, like if you're at an outside bar in college and like you're around a bunch of smokers and they're just chain smoking and you're chain smoking, you'd like go home that evening and brush your teeth.

And like even after brushing your teeth, you'd go to bed and wake up the next morning and you'd have that like, like you'd have a taste of like, oh yeah, I had, I had 16 cigarettes last night. That makes sense why my mouth tastes bad. It's like that when I go to the glory holes. All the time. When Woody sucks 16 cocks the next morning? My mom watches this show. What are I these jokes? All right.

Big shout out. Sometimes I want to explain jokes just like, mom, crossfated is when you do pot and alcohol at the same time. Yes. She wouldn't know that most likely. Of course not. They don't teach that. I just imagine her on some beach in Jerusalem, like listening to you talk about taking 15

Cox last night or whatever. He's sitting there like, well, if we just finished off Iran, maybe Odette. She's like that Taylor's making a lot of sense on this political. He's the only one that knows is that there's a man. It might be the opposite with my Israel takes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know about any of these guys anymore. I saw a Federman interview where he. With John Stewart? Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you mentioned. I couldn't summon who it was with. But John Stewart was, first of all, being way nicer than he should have been.

I think because of the disability that Federman has with his speech and reasoning skills, guy got a fucking stroke and became a Republican somehow. But he's like, you know, the red line for me is Israel. And John Stewart's like, really? Israel's your red line where you like, you know, you agree with these fellow Democrats on 80% of policy, you know, on maybe taxation or or this or that or the other. But you disagree with them Israel. So it's a red line. You don't want anything to do with them.

You're acting like they're a third party or something because they're against Israel or the funding of Israel's war. And he's like, yeah, I think what's really important to focus is that Israel, you know, Israel. He said they should leave the party if they're not pro-Israel. They should go start their own party. And then he did the thing that every pro-Israel person does and that they conflate being anti-Semitic with supporting the Israeli government. And, you know, he's just like, yeah, Jews are people too or whatever he said. You know, like it's important that we support the Jewish people. and John Stewart, who is Jewish,

is like, you know the Israeli government and the Jewish people, that's not the same thing. Like, you can be okay with Jewish people. You can like Jewish people, but Israel's not America. And he just answered some other question he didn't ask. I wonder who is being funded by. What a question. Retaration?

I don't think they're having to fund him. This guy's a loon. Like, this guy had a stroke and got, they have to So he had a stroke and then he Well I know he had a stroke before he ran And then he was a Democrat

But during the process Like during it And now he had like So as he's recovering from his stroke He's like the only thing I'm recovering mentally Is my love for his real He became a conservative after brain damage This guy's not a conservative

He votes with the Democrats most of the time I saw him in a photograph With Donald Trump Yesterday he was there with the team, some collegiate team. I don't even know what the fuck he has to. His name should be Igor. He gives me such Igor vibes.

Yes. Yes. He sort of a hunchback and he had a suit on for this event with Trump. He's kind of giving up on the K-Fed look. He was rocking before. Well, that's really brave of him because if there's one lobby that has just no influence in our country, it's Israel. Poor people. That's a shame.

They just can't get heard. They just can't get heard. Yeah. I think most people have had enough. Yeah, Federman seems to vote with Republicans on the most important stuff. Like whenever they need a vote, like some cabinet confirmation or whatever, Federman comes through. And he's very buddy, buddy with Trump. They're talking about him switching parties. I don't know.

I'm almost sure he's going to get primared because Democrats are very unhappy with him. Of course. Good. Fuck that guy. If he's in favor of that war, then he can eat shit. Like enough. has brain damage and he can't communicate well. Who wants him as their

representative? You know what I mean? Let me speak for myself before you send the brain-addled Igor-looking motherfucker to speak for me, you know? They were saying when he was even worse than this years ago in running, like when he was still a Democrat, like they were saying it was like bullying to point out the fact that he was like, I remember.

Blue good. I agree with what you're saying. It's just true. And I think I'm a little bit guilty of it. But I had this hope that. he would recover. Like, all right, all right,

listen, I know he had a stroke, but I'm hoping six months from now there are like no symptoms to it because sometimes strokes go that way. Yeah. But it's been years. And,

I mean, he took off an extended amount of time for depression. I don't want to be insensitive to depression. I feel like I understand it more than average people do. But I also don't think you get to take off months from work. Like, only senators consider their jobs so optional that they just check out for months and months at full pay and don't participate.

Yeah. That's insane. Look at McConnell. Dracula. Where's where's fucking Mitch McConnell? He just checked out and they said he's going to rehab.

I'm like, is this rehab hospice? Tell me what we got really cooking. I think we've got a weekend at Bernie's situation. They had a clip of him. I saw it on Reddit. Did you see?

You have a clip here of Mitch McConnell being checked out of hospital. And it was a clip from that that thank you for leaving show where the people fall out of the bottoms of coffins naked. Yeah. That guy sucks too. We don't have any good representatives.

They all suck. They all suck. Like we're up shit creek and only the worst people on earth are allowed positions of power. Anyone who like has our actual interest in mind gets weeded out by donors. McConnell has already, this is as of seven hours ago, been discharged from the rehab center. And he'll continue recovery at home. So I guess he's better. That was a quick turnaround.

I hope he's got like, you remember that like, what was that exosoph? skeleton was it in like district nine like i hope he comes out with one of those like exoskeletons that would be kind of funny but yeah that guy sucks he looks like a turtle all true i think we're being lied to hot take i know but i i don't think he's really excelled in rehab something's happened to him and they're hoping that it goes away like like maybe he's had some sort of bell palsy befall him and he's all like twisted up and weird looking and they're like, the doctors are like, it could go away in a week.

It could never go away. And they're like, let's give it a week then. Fuck. Keep the cameras away. There's some sort of Feinstein situation where I guess the governor wants to appoint his replacement. Now the governor's a Democrat, but he doesn't get to choose. He gets to choose off a list provided by the

Republicans. So it's not like the seat's going to flip. The Republicans are going to give them four or five choices and he'll pick one. They want to do that immediately. If you're a Democrat, at least you could pick the best guy on the list, but I think the Republicans would rather choose without having a Democrat in the process. And that's why they're pretending that McConnell's going to bounce back so that it's really soon. It might have even been like today or tomorrow where the deadline for replacing him picks over. It looks bad for a while. Like I've seen a lot of weird moments.

election. He had a stroke like a year ago. A few times. He like had those in the middle of a speech. He like froze and looked several times. Like it was weird. It wasn't like a like I've loved and forgot my place in a sentence and now I'm going to pivot. It wasn't a

what was I think it was like a deer in the headlight suddenly like How did I get here? Yeah. Alarmed. Like like all of a sudden the demon that's been puppeting him for the last 75 years like lost its grip suddenly. Well, he's probably okay when he was nine.

He woke up. He's like, er, or, or, right. Hey, Kyle,

didn't you once take, like an SSRI that gave you brain freezes? Does that? Yes, we talked about that last week. Okay, yeah, see,

I am a little McConnellish. What did you take? What caused this? Do you relate to it? Was that anything like what you think he said? Oh, no. No,

no. My, my, I would have these, like, jolts of, like, what felt like electricity

inside my, brain, but I wasn't like befuddled by them. Like I wasn't like, oh, now I don't know where I am. I was just like, ah, that felt weird. I got a support Israel. It would be like if you literally got like zapped a little like physically in the brain. You'd just be a little bit. But there was no associated confusion, just discomfort. No. Yeah, yeah. Just discomfort. And like mostly like it was like it was like when you have hiccups. They come and go. And, and like there'll be like a minute or two. We'll go by without a hiccup. And then I don't know. Fuck. That one. That one. That one. that would have scared me.

See, like, you said we have like a Feinstein situation with him, Woody. The problem now is we have like at any given point, like a dozen Feinstein situations. Yeah, it's just whack-a-mole of like that guy's 88, that guy's 91, that guy's 84. All of the people who are shaping the direction our lives are going to go in for the next 15 to 25 years. are 70 plus years old. The people who are checking out any day now are the ones who are deciding what the momentum going forward,

how it will be shaped, and inevitably where we will go. Wait till you hear about the voter base. Yeah. I don't think much of the voter base either. No, I mean, it's like it's boomers that are voting for. Missouri just had something that they were going to slowly phase out income tax, like state income tax,

and boomers shut it down. with their voting power, where they were like, no, we don't want to get rid of income tax because none of them are really making income anymore. And so they don't want to sacrifice young people funding their lives. And it's like, this is, you know, this gerontocracy has got to end. Young people should probably learn to vote. There's not enough young people. They're still the largest voter block.

That's not true. Well, it is a representative government. Maybe they don't need to be represented. Representatives. Yeah. Politics is pretty gay. It doesn't seem to serve our best interests. It seems almost co-opted. I'm calling for a new system.

I think we do something different. Kings, back to kings, but a Bing? Well, I don't know about kings per se, but I've been watching a lot of walking dead shorts. And I think maybe some sort of a fiefdom, like local fiefdom, sort of a warlord type situation.

A guy who'd look out for you. You know? You know, that's king. works well in Africa. No, they don't have no ones there. Nothing works well in Africa, but that's because of Africa. We could have a little warlords. And it would work.

You got guys like Bucknaked. You remember him? The other people who did fiefdoms. The other fiefdoms, you know, they just didn't do it right. Here, if we try a fiefdom, it'll work better. It did work for thousands of years throughout Europe, having kings and shit. It worked pretty well, the Native Americans. I mean, they were right on the edge of inventing the fence.

Well, but they, you know, they were, you know, let's not be mean to them. But they were not putting points in their skill trees. They were not, they were not updating. They didn't know that part of the game. They probably had holes, like all this pottery credit like stored up. And they're like, oh, I didn't know we could do more. I guess we finally won. We haven't explored.

These guys, the just. showed up go pretty hard in the paint like they're cool as helmets and shit yeah well all right you guys ready to wrap yes sir enough of that

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